Sarulchana’s Future Letter to Self
By: Pam Sarulchana
Tags: Self Reflection, Future, Quotes, Leadership, Letters

My name is Pam Sarulchana (Oh, don’t worry, I will explain to you what my name means towards the end of this letter, if you’re still here, of course). I’m a high-achiever with the level of stress & anxiety that could shoot me to outer space, and land me on the moon…possibly making me the first woman to land on this precious rock.

As a life-long learner that I am, I applied and luckily got accepted into Wedu’s Leadership Training Orientation Programme (LTOP). As part of the training, we had to complete several self-reflection exercises — one of them being the one I am writing now, which is the ‘Future Letter to Self’.

The instruction is to “Imagine writing this letter to yourself to read in five years time.” After spending an hour pouring my heart out, and re-reading it with tears brimming my eyes, I thought why not share this letter with the world, asking you all to help hold me accountable for my 5-year plan. Who knows, maybe one of you will find my musings relatable and can share some advice based on your own experiences (much appreciated!).

Are you ready, dear readers, and 30-something Pam? Here goes…

“Hello future Pam,

This is a letter written in 2020, the year of COVID-19 and many new beginnings. This is quite a year of reckoning. It allows you to reassess your priorities, and finally accepting that what you want in life does not have to be what other people expect of you. The authentic Pam enjoys helping others realise their potential, in a way that her wellbeing will not compromised. She understands now that to help others starts by helping herself be mentally strong. While she believes in changes at the policy level, what really makes her feel alive is to see changes at an individual level. It is the human story that moves her.

Future Pam, I urge you to stay true to your values. It’s okay if how you react to your values change, but your values are yours to use as a guiding star. You may be interested in other social issues, and that is okay as long as you know your basic values which are: love of learning, being empathetic, kind, self-reflect, helping others, and having a well-balanced life.

I hope that at that time, you will have moments where any candid photo of you will reflect the image of the person you’ve always wanted to be.

This year you suffer with burnout and anxiety, but I am proud of you for seeking professional help (therapy). If you are reading this five years later, I hope you remember the lessons you learned from therapy, and listen to your body. What makes you enter the state of ‘flow’, what makes you feel ‘light’, what makes you smile from your lips to your ears? It’s being in nature, having agency to shape the work you’re creating, it’s writing about the people you meet, it’s about reflecting on your lessons learned and inspiring others to find theirs. You will help others by being an effective listener, a supportive leader who encourages participation of people of all backgrounds. In five years time, you will have gained the confidence to speak up for what you believe in, and stop hiding behind people you think are more ‘suitable’ than you. Remember, these people did not earn their space from zero practice. Nobody is really ‘good enough’ until they go through multiple failings and learnings.

In the book ‘Maybe You Should Talk To Someone’ by the therapist Lori Gottlieb, she said “We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.”

One other thing your therapist told you, which I want you to revisit in 2025 is this observation about your low self-esteem and insecurities, “It seems to me that you can be Superwoman outside your house, but when you go home, you take away the costume. So, what makes you minimize them when you are alone with yourself?” I hope that by that time, you will be more comfortable in your own body and mind.

Ask yourself always when you start doubting yourself: “What makes you minimize your Superwoman strengths when you are alone with yourself?”

Besides all these leadership dimension I hope to see in the future Pam, I want to see you start thinking about pursuing your own passion in leadership and employment opportunity development for marginalised youths in a concrete way. Remember the past 4 years where you did not do anything because you thought that one day when you study abroad, what you have done will amount to nothing? Well, it’s been 4 years and you still have nothing to show. But hey, it’s okay, it takes time to realise this moment of truth. Nonetheless, I hope you will take this lesson, and start thinking about how even a small step matters. Like in depression recovery, take one step at a time. You’ll get there and you’ll be proud of yourself for having tried something rather than sitting around toying with the thought of ‘what could have been’. By the time a major structural change has to happen to what you started, I believe you will have had the right skills to solve it. So, JUST FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!

I imagine that the future you will look at the 2020 me and say ‘Stop damaging your body. You are good enough, even your therapist said so. You don’t have to have it all right now at the expense of your physical and mental health.’ It is a marathon, not a race. Remember what your friend/colleague said to you the day you admitted to others you are seeing a therapist?

She reached out to you and said “You have time to build your glory. The fact that you’re still young and have accomplished this much means you’ve already proven yourself capable. Right now, there are many roads leading to you, but if the cars keep coming, you will eventually get hit. There are many ways to enjoy life than to rush into accomplishing your ultimate goal right now. Your mental health must come first.”

If she cares about you, why don’t YOU care about yourself? Enjoy life at a speed you feel is right for you.

Forgive yourself for the failure in life that has to happen for you to get where you need to be. Breathe.

Your name, Sarulchana, means ‘honesty’. So, live up to your namesake by being brutally honest about how you really feel. Your feeling matters. Future Sarulchana, I wish you peace with your inner struggles.

With love and hope,

2020 Pam to 2025 Pam”