What’s the Goal of a First Date?
By: Renata Gomes
Tags: Self, Relationships, Life Lessons, Love, Self Improvement

What’s the Goal of a First Date?

You can miss the mark by aiming too high — or too low.

Photo by Daniel Monteiroon Unsplash

Going out with someone for the first time, regardless if it’s a blind date or someone you already know, is a special event. It might make you nervous and a touch insecure, but definitely excited.

You start getting ready days in advance, planning where you’re going and choosing what to wear. You might talk about it with your friends, let them know what you’re getting yourself into in order to gain emotional support.

As you step out of the door ready to go, you check yourself. Your outfit is on point, you have your wallet, your phone and your keys. You have everything you need, but do you have your priorities in order?

Are you being realistic with your first date goals, or are you setting your expectations too high? Are you hoping for too much or too little?

To some, the goal of a first date is simply to get to know someone new. Taken to an extreme, however, trying to get to know the other person becomes an investigation, a job interview. It drains all the fun out of it.

It should never be your goal to badger your date with questions, nor to find out everything about them in that fist hour and a half you’re hanging out together.

Dating is — or it should be — a fun process of getting to know someone as organically as possible. By dating, you get to know more than each other’s life story and personal preferences. You become familiar with their thought process, with how they see the world and how they communicate, but that happens over time, not on the very fist date.

You also shouldn’t go into a first date expecting to determine if your a perfect romantic match. That’s way too much pressure. The point isn’t to sit across someone you’re just trying to get to know and figure out whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with them.

In a fist date, you begin to establish rapport in order to keep an interesting conversation going without falling into uncomfortable silence too often. You figure out what are your shared interests, and begin to have an idea of how similar your values are.

Quite simply put, first dates are for first impressions. First signs that a connection is forming, and that expanding on that connection is a real possibility.

Of course, you can go on a first date with a different agenda. You can go in expecting to hookup, and if that’s the case, make sure you read the signs correctly. Women, let men know if you’re up to it. Men, if she says “no” at any point in time, stop.

Sex on a first date can be a lot of fun, if that’s what both parties are into. In that case, your ultimate goal in a first date is to be as honest with your date as possible, without being creepy, pushy, or inappropriate.

In a first date, you should show up ready to be seen. Ready to let someone know you. There’s no need to overshare, or talk about stuff you’re not ready to discuss, but don’t put on a mask, either. Don’t behave like the perfect person you only are in front of an audience on special occasions — be yourself.

The goal of a first date isn’t to fool anyone into thinking you’re awesome. It also isn’t about fooling yourself into believing someone is a better match for you than they actually are. Put the rose-colored glasses aside for a minute.

The ultimate goal of a first date is to determine if there can (and should) be a second. It’s as simple as that.

Ask yourself, would I hang out with this person again? Can we find more stuff to talk about? Am I interested in discovering more about them, and have them discover more about me?

They don’t have to have knocked your socks off for you to want to see them again. If you feel lukewarm about them, but there were no immediate red flags, nor extremely uncomfortable moments, that’s the sign you should give them another chance.

The first date is all about getting over your nervousness, becoming slightly more comfortable around each other and establishing rapport. If you see fireworks right away, consider yourself lucky. If you don’t, don’t panic — and don’t be too quick to dismiss them either.

Sometimes, magic doesn’t happen until the second or third dates. But look on the bright side, at least now you’ve survived that nerve-wrecking first.