The Geeky Guy Finally Has His Panic Attack and the Lisping Barista Comes Back From the Dead
By: Keith R Wilson
Tags: Panic Attack, Violence, Fiction, Novel

The Geeky Guy Finally Has His Panic Attack and the Lisping Barista Comes Back From the Dead

Image by Pxfuel

No, Dear Reader, this is not the scene foreshadowed, of the Lisping Barista’s dead body lying inert and dissembled. That would come later. Then, she will be dead for good. For now, she only looked dead, but that was dead enough to cause the Geeky Guy some trouble.

It was only a matter of time before the owners of the school bus, where the Lisping Barista and the Geeky Guy had been preparing to have sex, returned. They entered the bus’s folding door and climbed its steps just in time to see a naked man puking all over a supine, unconscious, naked woman. It was a lot to take in. They asked what was going on, for it was not obvious; but the naked man, who subsequently had a full-fledged panic attack, and the naked woman, who seemed to be dead, were no help at all.

At first, they thought they had a murder on their bus and took a step back, but the quivering, puking naked man didn’t fit anyone’s idea of a murderer. Then they thought the woman could have died as a result of some kinky sex play. That made more sense, for the naked man did fit their idea of a pervert. He didn’t seem to mind at all that he was naked, having trespassed their bus. He was probably an exhibitionist, among other things. He may be turned on by puke. Anyway, he failed to admit he was sorry, or was embarrassed, or even said hello. Instead, he was preoccupied with his puking and, while they were screaming at him to give them answers, did nothing more than let his hands quiver, breathe hard, turn white, and stare at the naked woman he just puked all over, as if he was seeing a ghost.

One of the owners of the bus developed an elaborate theory that the naked man had come across the naked woman already dead and proceeded to have sex with her. That made him especially perverted. A necrophiliac, she said, proud she knew the word. No matter how farfetched her theory, no one else came up with a better explanation of what was going on. They soon concluded the naked man was as disgusting as the puke he spewed. No one questioned the idea that the naked woman was dead. They didn’t even bother to take her pulse.

You, Dear Reader, know better. You know that the naked man was only the Geeky Guy having a panic attack because he had come across a situation that was reminiscent of the time he was trapped in a wrecked car with the lifeless bodies of his beloved parents. He was having a flashback, in other words, something that is well known to readers of the plentiful literature, both clinical and popular, describing post-traumatic stress disorder. In addition, the squeamishness of his stomach had returned from its reefer break to act like a harried mother might act when she returns from vacation to find her teenagers throwing a party. If you were there, Dear Reader, you would’ve been kind to the Geeky Guy, thrown a blanket over him, told him to avert his eyes from the puke and the inert body, and assured him that he was not in a car accident and everything would be all right.

You would not understand what was happening with the Lisping Barista any better than anyone there. You don’t have her backstory because I don’t have it. But it wouldn’t take much investigation to know she was not dead. You would have thrown a blanket over her, also, after you made sure she was OK. You certainly would not have done what the owners of the bus did next.

But maybe you would have, for these were otherwise good people. They were Deep Fries. Just a few minutes ago, they had been grooving to The Spellbinding Fish Fry’s acoustic idea of peace, love and understanding. All it takes is one trespassing naked man, puking on a naked woman unable to defend herself, and even a group of gentle hippies will turn into a raging mob.

I have no idea how many were in that group, for their numbers seemed to increase along with their outrage, but they acted with one mind. Their only thought was to expel the naked man from their bus. Whoever could, grabbed a hold of him and pulled him past the seats, down the steps, and out into the campground. Then they began to punch and kick and spit on him. People from neighboring campsites, seeing the excitement, came over to get a better look, and some got a few kicks in, despite not knowing what made the naked man worthy of being treated this way. It was enough that he was naked and deeply unpopular. Things were not looking good for the Geeky Guy.

In the fracas, no one noticed when the Lisping Barista finally came to. Whatever had happened to cause her mental absence, it clearly had happened before. She lost no time in astonishment, quietly gathered her clothes, and the Geeky Guy’s, and without even bothering to put them on, walked out of the bus and commanded the mob to stop.

“Thtop,” is what she actually said. With her fingers, she formed a peace sign. “Peath, love, and underthanding, remember? Pleath thtop. He’th my boyfriend.”