My “DV” Story
By: Barbara Divine
Tags: Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse

It has taken me years to get this point. The point where I am finally ready to tell my story. It’s horrific and make trigger you, so with that being said let’s begin.

In 2008, I was a year single from my first marriage. My first husband would not divorce me, but I was ready to move on in life. One day, my sister’s boyfriend (or husband at the time, I’m getting older, I can’t remember) can to my Mom’s house where I was living and he had someone with him. I should of know if they were driving around looking for scrap metal that would be a red flag. The man looked at me but only said hello. I texted my brother-in-law and told him I didn’t think the guy liked me. Little did I know, from that moment he was obsessed. Not because I was anything special, just because I at that moment was someone who he could destroy. I was prey.

In the beginning, things were pretty good. I didn’t know at the time it was all an act to lure me in. Much like a spider and the lonely fly that gets caught in a trap. I would visit. He met my small children. Wasn’t long until we “loved” each other that I moved into a trailer he lived in on a chicken farm. That is when it all began. First, I couldn’t keep the house spotless. He “slaved” at his job, and the least I could do was keep the house clean and supper hot and ready when he walked in the door. Next my things that I brought there would get broken as punishment for my “bad” behavior. My computer, as prized possession at the time, was completely destroyed. Priceless pictures were lost forever. This was before you could easily use your smart phone to upload them.

There was something he did daily that was new to me, and at the time did not seem as a threat or flag, he was a raging alcoholic. He started drinking when he woke up, and didn’t stop until he passed out next to me at night. All his money went to alcohol before we met. He lived on a chicken farm, so he didn’t have to pay rent or utilities. Now, with another adult and two children in the house he had new financial responsibilities. We became burdens. He started to resent us, and the abuse started to get bad. I wasn’t allowed to use my own car to visit family because “they” took time away from “us”. He became jealous of my ex husband wanting to see his children. Only on Fridays, we were allowed to leave to stock up on beer, and supplies. This was the first time I started a habit of looking out a window wishing I could leave. Watching people pass our house and wondering what they were free to do. Were they going shopping or seeing their family. Things I used to take for granted, but now so badly wish I could do. He had my car keys, there was no way that would happen.

Why didn’t I call someone and leave? Why didn’t I just steal my own car keys and leave? The threats of murder. He actually threaten the lives of my family, and my own life. I couldn’t burden my family or risk that happening to my kids. So, I stay, days, weeks pass and I truly trapped, until the day came his boss knocked on the door. We had been there months, but one day Xharles made his boss so mad that he came in unannounced. He asked what the hell we were doing there, and no one asked him if he could. He explained that it was not allowed and we had to move out. Of course, Xharles, hit the roof. It was all my fault because I let someone see us outside. Even though, we were often outside with my kids.

I often wondered why I never met his family. There was a reason for that, they couldn’t stand him. They already knew what he was about. The day that it came to move “us”, his mother and sisters showed up. They didn’t know I existed. His oldest sister commented that he didn’t even take care of his own son, why would he want to take care of more kids. His Mama was pissed. She had helped him get the job, and I made him lose it. See a pattern there? She agreed to let us move in, and now the real abuse starts to happen. He was back with family and comfortable, and from what I would learned, it was an accepted form of control for many women in that family.

Stay tuned for more……