From Victim to Victory
By: Ron Millward
Tags: Veterans, Veteran Suicide, Mental Health, Mental Illness, PTSD

A few weeks ago I started a PTSD treatment program at the Philadelphia VA. Before deciding to start this I had been deep diving into my past and some of the fundamental thinking behind the choices I have made in life and where I am in life currently. I am excited to begin a specific treatment called (EMDR) therapy- I will share more about that along the way. I have specific events and emotions I will be working through which is exciting. I have put in a lot of work and will be very intentionally working through difficult scenarios to help myself and in return help others.

I have had many mentors and a lot of wisdom and guidance bestowed upon me over the past 6 years. I have participated in biblical and professional counseling consistently, read more self-help books than I can count, tried medications, for goodness sake I worked for multiple churches where hope, peace, and love are the message but still ultimately I came very close to the end of myself on multiple occasions as I have been searching for who I was since separating from the Air Force in 2014.

Looking back at my service I felt like an entire lifetime was lived. I moved nearly 30 times, lost quite a few friends, went to war, endured a lot of pain mentally and physically among countless other unique scenarios- all before getting out at 24 years old to go into the world and be a man, no longer a soldier. The military very literally breaks you down and builds your new identity then suddenly you separate and that comes to a screeching halt. You never truly prepare or learn how to transition and function outside of that. I loved the Air Force, I excelled, I made E5 at 20 years old led and mentored many airman. I was/ am extremely proud of my service but I could no longer perform my duties at the highest level due to my time of service overseas and numerous surrounding events.

Some of you may be reading this and say, who cares… We all endure pain in this lifetime. Especially my fellow veterans. I am honored to have some of the best brothers and sisters in the world as friends, some of whom had way more horrific experiences than I did. True American heroes to me. I am done focusing on the negative because we have enough of that. Focusing on the negative and my emotions and what happened to me is what almost killed me. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I truly stepped into who I was and found my purpose. Before that, I lived with a victim mentality, woe is me, I deserve, blah blah blah… A healthy dose of this is normal and ok, letting it consume your life is an inevitable ticking time bomb- trust me.

US veterans makeup around 9% of the population and are taking their lives at an alarming 2 times the rate of civilians. It is researched that anywhere from 20–25 veterans a day commit suicide. Include their family members, include active duty members and I have seen that projected statistic at nearly 30–35 people a day.

Over the past 6 years, I have held leadership positions at multiple churches and always felt like I could not express myself properly or say what I wanted to say. I transitioned out almost a year ago now and have had time to meditate and gather my thoughts which brings us to the point of this post. I will be sharing portions of my story and the journey from here on out unapologetically. This may not look like any of the social boxes you are typically used to. I have friends and followers from almost every state, culture, multiple countries, multiple churches, religions, old musician friends, veterans- you get it, there is a mixed bag of people reading this. I will always have a conversation but if you are sensitive to language and reality please just unfollow now. This is a new season of transparency and shit’s about to get real. We are moving from victim to victory! Thanks for reading looking forward to more.