I Blindfolded My BF & Drove Him to a Strip Club
By: Malinda Fusco
Tags: Life Lessons, LGBTQ, Love, Advice, Relationships

I Blindfolded My BF & Drove Him to a Strip Club

After all, boyfriends *love* strippers, right?

Photo by BlueSkyImages Adobe Stock

The longer you’re with someone, the harder it is to genuinely surprise them. After a few years, you just start running out of surprising shit.

It was my boyfriend’s birthday and I decided, what the hell, we haven’t been to a strip club together yet. And what guy doesn’t love naked women?

What started as a kinky present turned into a shocking lesson on gender stereotypes.

Surprise!

My now-fiance and I are terrible at keeping surprises from each other. We’re the type of people who will buy a birthday present for the other months in advance…and then give it to them months in advance.

So, when I told him to get in the car, put the blindfold on, and stop asking where we were heading, he was more than a little skeptical. And maybe a bit scared.

“Have I done something to piss you off recently?” he joked.

“Shut up. I’m not going to kill you. Though you’re gonna think you died and went to heaven,” I teased, all cheese, excited, and maybe a little cocky. “You’re welcome, in advance.”

After all, isn’t it every guy’s wet dream to go to a strip club with their girlfriend?

I pride myself on being a fun girlfriend and not the jealous type. I was fully prepared with a hundred dollars in ones and even more money to cover some lap dances.

It wasn’t like I was going to make him look and not touch after all. What kind of present would that be?

After blowing through our singles on some hot, friendly women, and falling in love with the art of lap dances, I was ready to go withdraw more money. Women are beautiful. I loved getting lap dances. And I loved watching my boyfriend get them — it was hot. This place was paradise.

When I asked Ben if he wanted to get some drinks across the street then come back, he surprised me by saying, “Actually, I’m ready to go home when you are, babe.”

Cue the record scratch. What the hell?

A knee-jerk reaction

Oh shit. Is he gay?

Not my proudest moment, but the thought did cross my mind, as silly and callous as it seems.

I knew he wasn’t gay — we’d been happily dating for years at this point. And as a bisexual woman, I openly denounce gender stereotypes every chance I get.

Yet, this turn of events took me by surprise and I immediately found myself judging Ben based on stupid societal expectations. As if a man can’t be straight if he doesn’t like strippers! What a gross knee-jerk reaction…

Instead of voicing any of this out loud, I forced a smile and said, “Alright, babe, let’s go.”

Once in the car and on our way home, I plucked up the courage to ask, “So, what did you think about it?”

“Eh, it was fun. I liked going with you. But honestly, you’re way hotter than any of those girls. I’d rather just spend time with you,” he said with a wink and a hand on my thigh.

And I knew he meant it. The guilt from my knee-jerk mental reaction was ten-fold. How could I be such a jerk?

Gender stereotypes are deep-rooted

Our society has disgustingly unyielding expectations for men and women. These expectations are instilled in us at a young age. Girls get Barbies. Boys get G.I. Joes. It’s no surprise that that sometimes surface.

Society says that women are “supposed to be” nurturing, agreeable, pretty, emotional, and hyper-feminine.

Men, on the other hand, are “supposed to be” strong, confident, risk-takers, and…sex-crazed.

Biologically, men typically have a higher sex drive than women, but that does not make them sex-crazed or unmasculine if they are not constant horn-dogs.

The fact was…I was expecting Ben to love the strippers and for me to have the “Eh” response. And yet, it was the opposite.

But that certainly doesn’t make Ben gay. Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Gender has nothing to do with it.

In fact, according to a survey done by Esquire, 37% of the men surveyed said they would not enjoy going to a strip club.

Yet, boyfriends have a lot of pressure to act a certain way.

I’m grateful that Ben doesn’t give in to that pressure with me. And maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself either.

Fight Gender Stereotypes

Our initial reactions may be from deep-rooted societal expectations…and that’s okay. It can come from a lot of things. News. Movies. Advertising. You can’t necessarily control that initial thought. But you can recognize it and control what you do with it.

So, instead of judging or questioning him, I pushed away that reaction and focused on what really mattered: Ben, as a whole person.

Gender stereotypes are all around us, in the news, magazines, online, etc. But the only way to get past them and make sure everyone feels equal and valued for the person they are is to fight those stereotypes and ideas. How can we do that?

Be a safe place for people to express their true feelings.

Question your own thoughts about the world around you. Do you really believe what you’re thinking, or is it a knee-jerk reaction?

Lead by example. Do what you want, regardless of what’s “expected” of you.

The important thing is that we don’t let societal expectations win. Man or woman, that doesn’t matter. That shouldn’t dictate how someone is “supposed to” act. What matters is the person.

And if Ben would rather go home with me than get lap dances from strippers? That’s pretty damn hot too.