We Need Some Changes
By: Rachel Wilder
Tags: Workplace, Change, Pandemic, Coronavirus, Policy

To Whom it May Concern:

This has been an unprecedented year filled with global trauma, chaos, and uncertainty. Your employees have struggled through unthinkable circumstances: health risks, loss of financial stability, loss of childcare, etc. They have, in essence, been required to reinvent their jobs in an entirely different environment, and, for the most part, have been expected to produce the same quality of work despite ever-increasing adversity. Therefore, as we move to open up businesses and office spaces again, I propose the following necessary changes to the work environment in order to maintain optimal productivity.

First, employees must be allowed to bring their pets to work with them daily. During this past year, domesticated animals have been proven not to increase productivity, but to prevent insanity among adults and children alike. Do you want employees returning only to go insane? Furry friends should be a staple of a healthy work environment. In addition, these creatures have grown accustomed to having their humans nearby at all hours of the day. Asking your employees to return to the office without their pets may cause property damage in employee homes, including but not limited to: urine on the upholstery, chewed up pillows, claw scratches on dining room chairs, shredded toilet paper, and stolen food.

Second, employees must be required to wash their hands regularly. This is an obvious addition to protocol that should have already been in place, but apparently was not. Surprisingly, washing of hands prevents not only the spread of COVID-19, but also of a myriad of other diseases, viruses and bacteria. Also, failing to wash hands regularly is simply disgusting.

In addition to the above, workplaces should be cleaned and disinfected regularly. It seems prior to the global pandemic, this was not happening to the extent it should have been. Employees should also continue to avoid coughing or sneezing on one another.

Third, employee dress code should be modified in order to allow the following: yoga pants, sweat pants, pajama pants. While pants should still be required, employees have proven throughout the last year that they can be just as productive when they are dressed comfortably as when they are not. Shoes should be allowed to be removed, provided there are no strong off-putting odors. Comfort in the workplace allows employees to enjoy their day and focus on work rather than on the clasp on their slacks that is digging into their lower abdomen.

Fourth, employees should not be required to talk. Many of them are secretly introverts and have been enjoying this time away from their colleagues more than you will ever know.

Lastly, a mandatory nap time should be worked into the daily schedule. During this time, computers should be powered off and the office lights dimmed. Employees should be provided warm and comfortable blankets, and those without pets must be provided a sweet animal with which to snuggle. This time of rest is not only enjoyable, it is something that your employees deserve after the horrible year they have just endured.

I hope you will find these small changes manageable, and that they will be put into effect as soon as possible. Your employees have already been practicing these new protocols during their time at home, so you need not worry about any adjustment time. Thank you for your consideration and for desiring to improve your workplace as we transition back to “normal” life.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen