How to Get Rid of Perfectionism?
By: Alex Koma
Tags: Life Lessons, Perfectionism, Self Improvement, Self Love, Self

How to Get Rid of Perfectionism?

Is Perfectionism Curable?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Do you know the desire to achieve perfection in any business? Think back to your feelings when the result was good, but not great. If you have experienced acute disappointment and a feeling of dissatisfaction, you can sympathize. You are a perfectionist. How to deal with this ailment, says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo in the book “Better than Perfection.”

How does perfectionism threaten?

First of all, realize: your requirements for yourself and the people around you are too high. And what’s the bottom line? Stress, broken relationships, constant anxiety, the huge expenditure of energy, low self-esteem. You punish yourself all the time because you “do not reach” the transcendental bar that you yourself set.

Perfectionism makes you unhappy. You cannot just relax and enjoy the process, because you are afraid to make a mistake, and the annoying inner critic does not give you rest for a second. It is the fear of doing something imperfectly that drives all your actions.

How to get rid of fear?

The opposite emotion to fear is passion. To feel more motivated, involved, and optimistic, all you have to do is switch from fear to passion. When you are filled with passion, you are motivated by what you want to experience, not by the desire to avoid what you do not want.

We feel the passion when we act by our values and build on our strengths when we are ourselves when we take on tasks that give strength. Your true self is that part of your personality that is capable of experiencing joy and pleasure, finding meaning in what you do, and gratefully accepting what life gives. While this is tricky, try changing your settings.

Assess your expectations

For perfectionists, any deviation from the expected is unbearable. Do you have a shattered dream related to work, athletic performance, relationships? Have you ever felt depressed or even overwhelmed when what you wanted didn’t come true?

The point is that perfectionist expectations are inflexible. They are associated with a set of rules. For example, rules about how a loving spouse or caring friend should behave. These beliefs are so strong that perfectionists sometimes forget that these are interpretations rather than truth. When a perfectionist applies this or that rule to himself, he feels guilty if the expectation does not come true. When he thinks that someone else should do something, he feels anger and resentment. Try to replace the destructive “should” with “would like”, and life will become much more enjoyable.

Live in the present

Dreaming that the result will be different from what actually happened is the same as trying to turn back time. Returning to the events of the past and blaming ourselves or others for what cannot be changed, we do nothing useful.

Of course, it is very important to learn from the past. But it is equally important to accept what has already happened, rather than resist it. Worrying about the future is also counterproductive. It’s like putting on a sweater in July in preparation for the January cold.

Forget the expressions “I should have said …”, “it would be better if he …”, “if only …”, “what if …”. Rather than being upset about the past or worrying about the future, live in the present: be aware of what is happening here and now. Calm down pessimistic self-talk. Focus on what is around and within you. Focus on what is happening at the moment. This will help reduce stress and make you feel happier.

Don’t be afraid of failure

Perfectionists are very afraid of ruining everything. However, what was considered a failure can turn out to be a great victory. Imagine a “rainbow”. You probably know this spring toy. Millions of people have played with this … product of “bad luck.” In 1943, a mechanical engineer tried to design stabilizers to prevent fragile equipment from falling and damaging ships. The springs he created didn’t work. But they turned into fun toys!

One more example. Have you watched the Toy Story cartoon? This Oscar-winning tape and many others like it would not have appeared if not for one failure. After a loud firing from Apple, the company he created, Steve Jobs bought the animation studio and turned it into the famous Pixar Animation Studios. Look back: can you find in the past a case that seemed like a failure, but turned into something good, perhaps a real blessing? Describe this case.

The right approach to criticism

When a loved one, boss, friend, coworker, neighbor, or even a stranger tells a perfectionist that he is not happy, the perfectionist responds in one of two ways: “He’s right. I’m a complete failure! “ or “He has no idea what he’s talking about. Come on! “ Does this sound familiar to you? How about listening to a comment and objectively assessing its usefulness?

In most cases, the negative has nothing to do with you personally. When a person remarks on you, they may be tired or annoyed, and therefore focus on the negative. Or he really wants to help you. Either you remind him of someone from the past, and this affects your communication. Perhaps all of these conditions apply at the same time. So when someone upsets you, remember that there are likely many “ingredients” involved. You can extract information from what happened and use it in the future.

Get off the treadmill

The self-esteem of perfectionists depends on what they devote their time to. They judge themselves both by their achievements and by the process of being busy with something. At some point, perfectionists develop unwarranted competitive pride: the rivalry to “be in a worse situation than the neighbor” that helps them feel better about themselves. Are you familiar with any of the following phrases? “Because of this project, I didn’t sleep a wink last night.” “For the past five years, I have not been able to sleep for more than four hours in a row.” “I haven’t been on vacation for three years.”

This is how perfectionists create the appearance that they have everything under control — in their place and at the highest level. And all to look more advantageous. But think about how much better your life will be if you think highly of yourself not because of your busy schedule, but because you are you? Stop comparing your progress with others. Get more rest. Meditate, meet friends, find a hobby (but enjoy it, don’t try to be perfect here as well).