Sexuality, stigma & discrimination, why do people even care?
Tags: LGBT, Mental Health, Discrimination, Pride

Sexuality, stigma & discrimination, why do people even care?

My personal experience and some top tips

Pride Month

In the early hours of June 28th 1969 in Greenwich Village, New York City police raided a gay club named the Stonewall Inn. This raid started a riot among bar patrons and neighbourhood residents as police roughly hauled employees and patrons out of the bar, leading to six days of protests and violent clashes with law enforcement outside the bar on Christopher Street, in neighbouring streets and in nearby Christopher Park. The Stonewall Riots served as a catalyst for the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.† To commemorate the Stonewall riots, we now hold Pride month every June to recognise the impact LGBT people have had in the world.

Annual LGBT Pride celebrations are a time where everyone shows up for inclusivity — including big companies. While companies such as Adidas, Calvin Klein, Under Armour, Spotify, Dr Martens and many more show their varying degrees of support in this time, it’s a real shame that many companies use this as a marketing opportunity and negate these values for the other 11 months of the year. Don’t be fooled, nine of the biggest, most LGBTQ-supportive corporations in America gave about $1 million or more each to anti-gay politicians in the last election cycle.*

There are many companies across the world hiring with complete inclusivity. This has endless benefits including a collective experience that can only enhance companies values and cultures. Check out some of the companies in the Stonewall Top 100 employers list. The list is compiled from the Workplace Equality Index — the UK’s leading benchmarking tool for LGBT inclusion in the workplace:

Inclusive companies website also has their own list which goes deeper into companies to show the UK’s top 50, that promote inclusion throughout each level of employment within their organisation. This list shows companies that hire without discrimination against age, disability, gender, LGBT and race. The Inclusive Top 50 UK Employers 2019/20 List has many names you will recognise and maybe even use every day including:

Sky

AutoTrader

NHS

E-on

Specsavers

Moneysupermarket

Bupa

As well as being a month long celebration, Pride is also a big opportunity to peacefully protest and raise political awareness of current issues facing the LGBTQI+ community. What most people know as ‘Pride’ is a parade in which there are street parties, community events, public speaking, festivals in the streets and educational events in most cities across the world.

My experience

I am not someone who gives out personal information like smiles, not everyone needs to know the ins and outs of my life, my thoughts and my feelings. I am however, an extremely open and honest person. These two things seem like they couldn’t coexist but it’s just about balance. You can be open and honest without giving information that is personalised to your experience. This is actually something I had to learn over many years due to inadvertently ‘lying’ through other people’s assumptions.

So a real-world example of this, for me, is sexuality. My personal feelings on this matter are generally that you shouldn’t have to ‘come out’ as gay, just as much as you shouldn’t have to ‘come out’ as straight. People have preset assumptions about you, and if you don’t meet those assumptions there’s a sense of unease — while, if you don’t correct the assumption you are seen as misleading. There’s also the idea that you have to fit in to a certain box, e.g. you are straight or gay — when in reality people come in all shapes, sizes, colours, orientations and that’s amazing.

I am not ‘straight’

There are so many words now for what I am… bisexual, pansexual? Whatever you call it, I have always been more interested in the things that people can choose and change than the things they can’t. If someone is an amazing, loving, considerate, genuine, caring person — these are things they can choose, and really, why wouldn’t you love someone like that? And while this is my life, it’s not information I feel the need to share when I meet people. The people I am close enough to, know this about me, and there will be a few people that are surprised by this post — and really, if you’re surprised you should be a little bit ashamed.

I am a young female UX designer in the financial sector, I am sure just from that statement you can imagine all of the stigmas I manage day to day. These stigmas definitely don’t come from my team — creative people are just built differently, they are so much more open to equality in the world. My career is probably one of the reasons I have grown the way I have in my personal life — for example, if I am asked about my past relationships I will openly say “ex-girlfriend” or share my experience, but otherwise it’s nobody’s business. If it’s not a conversation that would have been had without the knowledge, then it’s not a conversation I am starting.

Navigating your way through your feelings, whatever age that happens, is not easy in this world. Pride is a place where people can feel like they are different, they don’t need to explain themselves and they can just truly be who they are — whatever that entails. Even with the most amazing parents and friends, I was scared to tell them. The idea of having to even understand how to communicate something so deep and personal to people that would usually be there to help you is honestly terrifying. But, once you have that foundation it does get easier. And the way you end up telling the people you love is different for everyone and it may not be ‘perfect’ — I mean, I was a teenager, petrified and ended up sending my Mum a message to ‘let her know’, as if I was staying out for the night. And in hindsight, that was so true to the way I feel about it and I wouldn’t change that now.

Everyone is vulnerable, raw, real and weird — no matter how well hidden it is. When you approach people in any situation, I think that we could all take more caution in being respectful. You don’t know what people are going through and while I don’t usually share personal information like this, if this post could help even one person to feel accepted or educate someone as to why we celebrate pride and why it’s important — it’s worth it.

The reality

Around 40% of homeless youths are LGBT, this is mostly due to rejection from their friends and family. Along with this, gay and bisexual youth and other sexual minorities are

8 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide

6 times more likely to report high levels of depression

3 times more likely to use illegal drugs

Discrimination

When people decide to act on their prejudice, stigma turns into discrimination. Discrimination is when you treat people differently based on the groups, classes, or other categories to which they are seen to belong, and it is not okay.

Discrimination can take different forms, it’s not always something clear and aggressive, it can take the form of:

Obvious acts of prejudice and discrimination — e.g. someone who is open about being transgender or their sexual orientation and being refused employment or promotion due to this

of prejudice and discrimination — e.g. someone who is open about being transgender or their sexual orientation and being refused employment or promotion due to this More subtle forms of discrimination, but no less harmful, are reinforcement of negative stereotypes and feelings of isolation — e.g. use of the word ‘gay’ as a derogatory term or teaching your child that being different is a bad thing and to discriminate against people of a different size, race, culture or sexual orientation

The law for workplaces

Everyone has the right to be treated fairly at work and to be free of discrimination on grounds of age, race, gender, gender reassignment, disability, sexual orientation, religion or belief. For more information about discrimination in the workplace and what you can do about it, check out gov.uk.

Schools and Colleges

Schools have a responsibility to be diverse and empower young people to be open and inclusive. During School Diversity Week, primary and secondary schools as well as colleges across the UK celebrate lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans equality in education. In 2019, schools and colleges representing 1.4 million pupils signed up to take part and received their free toolkit from Just Like Us.

Educating young people

Just Like Us send LGBT+ young adult ambassadors to deliver talks and workshops championing LGBT+ equality. They speak honestly about who LGBT+ people are, and share their own stories growing up today to connect with all students in a powerful way. After their sessions, 86% of students understand why everyone should care about LGBT+ issues

Parents

A parent’s role and response in their child coming out is one of the most impactful interactions that will shape their thoughts and mental state. As a parent you need to be open, responsible, positive and know how to react. There’s so much information online that you can educate yourself with — and if your not a parent, you are a role model. You may have nephews, nieces, friends children, godchildren and even younger colleagues that may come out to you and you should be equipped with tools to know how to deal with the situation in a positive way.

Support

There are many charities and support groups that you can contact if you don’t have anyone to open up to or if you are struggling to connect with people that understand — but just know, you are not alone! It feels like a big step to contact any of these companies but just opening yourself up a little bit can introduce you to a world of acceptance and new friendship.

MindOut is a mental health service run by and for lesbians, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer people. Their vision is a world where the mental health of LGBTQ communities is a priority, free from stigma, respected and recognised. They do this by:

Listening to and responding to the LGBTQ experience of mental health

Offering hope through positive relationships and professional expertise

Preventing isolation, crisis and suicidal distress in LGBTQ communities

Providing safe spaces for people to meet and support each other

Helping people protect their rights and get their voices heard

Campaigning and creating conversations about LGBTQ mental health throughout the world

MindOut is needed because LGBTQ people:

do not get the support they need for their mental health from mainstream services

often feel isolated from LGBTQ communities

face additional discrimination, exclusion and minority stress

deserve a space where their identities are recognised and understood

Top tips

Whether you have children or not, you should educate yourself on how to make coming out a positive experience.

Do not pass on your discrimination to the children in your life — if everyone is inclusive now, the next generation will turn out inclusive. It’s that simple!

If you wouldn’t ask about someones sex life before, don’t ask now.

If you want details — ask google. We are not an encyclopedia of sexual orientation and shouldn’t need to explain this to everyone we meet.

Sexual orientation does not mean that you find every person of that sex attractive.

Sexual orientation is not a fun fact to be pulled out in ‘get to know you’ games or after a few drinks.

If we’re not close, it’s not okay for you to joke about my sexuality.

And finally… It’s never your place to reveal someone’s sexual orientation to other people.

* Forbes

† History.com Stonewall Riots