fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
You may be cool memes- Best 10 cool memes you will love
By: Priyabrataa Ganguly
Tags: Memes, Mème, Funny, Jokes, Funny Jokes

You may be cool memes- Best 10 cool memes you will love Priyabrataa Ganguly ·Dec 25, 2020

You may be cool memes- Memes are very funny, sometimes it can be cool too. Check my memes below and enjoy.

You may be cool but memes- Losing your job

A boss was telling his employee to do his job properly as there are several reports of non-performance against him.

He told the employee that you are very calm but your work is not up to the mark. His boss warned him that he may lose his job too. This is one of the you may be cool memes on losing your job.

Read more on You may be cool memes by clicking below

Originally published at https://www.baablumeme.com.
Musings of a New Kube’er
By: Monika Gupta
Tags: Kubernetes, Cloud Native, Funny, Cloud Computing, Cloud Application

They say that sliced bread was the greatest innovation for humankind ….that was until they started slicing computers. Well, the computing resources to be more precise! Yes, we are talking about containers — the holy grail of Information Technology today.



Containerization of a software application is the newest paradigm in software programming. You package a piece of code and all its dependencies in a single unit that can be executed anywhere in the world, no matter what hardware you are using, by the click of a button.



This sounds great! Finally, we can change the world. The only thing is we broke down those monolith software systems into many small pieces a.k.a. containers, and now we need something to manage all those pieces — enter Kubernetes — the holy grail of containerized applications. But kubernetes needs its own set of agents, kubelets and proxies to do its job, and who will manage those? Okay, let’s get Rancher to manage Kubernetes, which manages containers. So things are coming together, but wait…

My containers are buried inside pods, and no other software application can connect with them. So now I need an ‘Ingress’ to make things work. Let me also add a ‘load balancer’ to even out the traffic across my network. Okay, finally, the outside world can talk to my application, but wait ….my own containers cannot talk to each other yet (Really?) Oh, so now I need a service mesh with its own set of agents and proxies! Are we THERE yet??

By now my deployment files have grown too big, and I need yet another tool to put this all together. Enter Helm Charts.

I wish this was enough, but no …who will monitor this mish-mash of software code, spread across multiple servers? I need logs and I also need ability to search logs across all my containers, so enter ‘Elastic’. Now log is a log, but it is not same as a statistic. Don’t you need a ‘count’ of how many times someone actually used the APIs you put so much work into? For that, you need Prometheus, but that’s not enough. If you also want to monitor the performance of your application, you need a separate set of tracing tool.

In my legacy application (which sounds ‘ancient’ by now), there was an explicit push by client to ‘unify’ all types of logs and monitoring activities. Maybe it’s an inevitable part of the cycle of expansion and contraction in the story of technological evolution — after all, the very first computing systems were gigantic servers that sat in a dedicated server rooms. Then ‘personal computers’ came along which upended that world and made computers accessible in each home. Then people got wary of keeping their information all spread out across multiple machines, so centralized ‘cloud’ systems was born. Now the cloud resources are being distributed via micro services running across different hosts! Maybe someday, someone will create a new solution to put all these software pieces together into a single pie! Till then, I’m back on my desk, creating a new Helm Chart
I have my first cat, so Question:
By: Content Introvert
Tags: Cats, Animals, Pets, Comedy, Funny

Do you they ALL run in front of your feet while you are walking and scream bloody murder because you are stepping on them ?……

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You just gotta love the people who want to upbraid you for your narrator's belief in astrology…
By: Where Angels Fear
Tags: Dating, Humor, Relationships, Conspiracy Theories, Funny

You just gotta love the people who want to upbraid you for your narrator's belief in astrology; they’re the best responses you can get as a satirist — it’s how you know you know Poe’s Law could’ve been written about you 😉

Personally, I like to go for the brick-in-the-face approach myself
Breaking the silence: Today in order to break the awkward silence in my house, I said to my nieces to keep quiet. They wondered, “what the heck am I saying”. I said it again: Can’t you hear me? Just…
By: Pretheesh Presannan
Tags: Silence, Funny, Humor

Breaking the silence:

Today in order to break the awkward silence in my house, I said to my nieces to keep quiet. They wondered, “what the heck am I saying”. I said it again: Can’t you hear me? Just keep quiet. They got disturbed and broke the silence saying: Are your ears not functioning? Can't you hear we are bloody silent already? I laughed and had my snacks.

Photo by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on Unsplash
Pope Decrees Cats Must Be Added To Christmas Nativity Scenes Joining Sheep, Oxen, And Donkey
By: Allan Ishac
Tags: Cats, Satire, Christmas, Humor, Funny

Pope Decrees Cats Must Be Added To Christmas Nativity Scenes Joining Sheep, Oxen, And Donkey

Cats may finally receive the Christmas recognition they deserve after a new translation of the Bible suggests that Mary’s beloved cat, Snuffles, was present at the birth of Jesus.

“These findings help explain a phenomenon which many cat owners have observed for years,” said Felicia Banks, President of The Cat Fanciers Association. “That cats will climb into nativity scenes and curl up in the straw with a familiarity and comfort that belies reason. Now we know why…a cat was there when the Savior came into the world!”

Ms. Banks said that feline historians have suspected for decades that a cat was present at the birth of the Lord. Pope Pius XII lent credibility to the theory when he made this offhand remark during his Christmas Eve mass in 1948: “… and let us always remember the little lion who’s gentle purring soothed Mary during her long and difficult night.”When asked afterward what he meant by the “little lion” allusion, the Pope hurried away, never to mention it again.

According to Matthew 2:11, we also know that one of the Three Kings, Melchoir, was carrying not only frankincense when he arrived to worship the baby Jesus, but also kibble.Apparently he was aware that Mary had brought Snuffles with her to Bethlehem.

A final clue that a cat was lying next to Mary as she bore the Holy Child is a persistent piece of oral history that mentions the other animals traditionally included in creche recreations — a sheep, an oxen, and the Holy Family’s burden donkey.

The spoken account tells of the mighty oxen getting spooked by a mouse that was scurrying under the manger hay. The oxen’s sudden movements frightened the sheep who leaped into the hind quarters of the donkey.

As the story unfolds, Snuffles immediately intervenes to capture the mouse and calm the other animals, ensuring that peace is restored to the sacred manger just moments before Mary brings the Messiah into the world.

The confluence of new cat evidence is apparently good enough for Fontanini of Italy, the venerated nativity figurine manufacturer. The company announced that it will be adding an heirloom Snuffles the Cat statue, available in all sizes, to its nativity collection next year.

****

See more of my daily satirical posts here.

Don’t sing these Christmas Carols. Seriously.
Living the Best Life with Laughter
By: Dr. Fatima Imam
Tags: Self Improvement, Humour, Humor, Laughter, Funny

Laughter, humour, and play are the cornerstones of a healthy life. Attempt to laugh at the unfortunate situations focusing on the irony rather than bemoaning them. The best way to develop a humorous side is to flip embarrassing moments into funny anecdotes.

Laughing cancels distressing emotions, triggers the release of endorphins, and relaxes the whole body. Laughter provides respite from pain and sadness. Laughter is contagious, lifts spirits and improves focus.

Playfulness develops a positive and optimistic outlook. Doing activities for fun releases inhibitions and increases spontaneity. Bring playfulness into daily activities to strengthen relationships. Surround yourselves with fun-loving, positive people. Play with pets as they provide the best company with no judgment.

Bring laughter by watching a funny movie, attending stand-up comedy, meeting up with old friends, making time for fun activities, goofing around with pets and children, or joining a laughter yoga class.

Sage advice: when we laugh, the world with us but when one cries, one cries alone.

Advice Column:

Humour helps in establishing rapport with students:

Coming timings get laughs.

Amusing anecdotes connect audiences.

Hilarious examples add musicality to jokes.

Lighthearted banter livens up the crowd.

© Fatima Imam
Hi, J.J. Pryor ! Thank you very much for following me in Medium. I really appreciate. I have read some of your stories and liked them a lot. You have a nice sense of humor. I will be reading…
By: Louisa Oliveros
Tags: Death, Quotes, Humor, Funny, History

Hi, J.J. Pryor !

Thank you very much for following me in Medium. I really appreciate.

I have read some of your stories and liked them a lot. You have a nice sense of humor. I will be reading regularly your work, so I follow you as well.

Thank you so much again. Merry Christmas, and all the best for you during the New Year 2021. I hope every body has a better year. Louisa.
Jokes, Funnies, Gags and Puns
By: John King
Tags: Comedy, Satire, Humor, Life, Funny

Learn more. Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Make Medium yours. Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore
COVID first world problems: The everyday changes… positive or negative?
By: Adam Evans
Tags: First World Problems, Funny, Covid-19, Observation

Photo by Mikey Harris on Unsplash

2020 has been a year of drastic change. The pandemic has affected millions of lives and almost every facet of human existence. While the board-scale anguish brought on by COVID-19 is evident, I leave that for a different discussion and instead dwell on the mundane things in life and how they have changed for many of us. Here, I share a few first world problems¹ and changes I have observed in my everyday existence. I tack on a “positive” or a “negative” to each point to suggest how it has affected my status quo. Have a read. Comment. Share your thoughts on mundane COVID changes in your life.
What would happen if Donald Trump could read, write, and draw?
By: J.J. Pryor
Tags: Books, Satire, Book Review, Funny, Politics

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Donald Trump could read?

What if he could write? (Something other than his name in sharpie.)

What if he could draw, rhyme, and teach children his tremendously terrible ideas?

A friend and I wanted to find out, so we spent almost 2 months doing just that!

I hope you enjoy the ridiculous satirical fruits of our labor.

<<<Warning: Heavy satire ahead.>>>
My (Hilarious) First Incident Report & Why Simple Exercises Win
By: Zev Weisdorf
Tags: Simple Fitness, Hilarious, Training Story, Funny, Funny Story

I can remember it too vividly.

My two Day 1’s, Noah and Lucas, were using bands to make their sprints harder.

I had seen an Instagram video of a coach being pulled by their athlete, only holding on by a band. The catch was that their feet were on sliders. Looked sumptuous!

By the way… this was the first 6 months of my career when I thrived off cool (in hindsight meshugge) looking exercises. You can picture that this was right up my alley.

So Noah was the bigger athlete. Of course, he would be the one to volunteer as a runner. Lucas who was substantially smaller decides to ride the wave and surf the facility. Or had I known, more like fly through the facility. I was way too optimistic and believed Lucas would handle this bucking bronco like a champ. Boy was I wrong!

Noah takes off like he is running for a million bucks.

Not even 3 feet into this gong show, Lucas had a foot toe pick the turf. Just the slightest touch caused a tsuris.

In less than a blink of an eye, Lucas is imitating superman through the air. Had not even thought to let go of the purple band. Noah not even realizing what had happened continues darting to his glory.

By the time Noah realizes the tension is long gone, the damage was done. Lucas had already been defying gravity for what seemed to be a lifetime.

Before I could register the chaos, Lucas has hit the turf and beginning the worst portion of this predicament…. the dreaded turf burn.

The turf doesn't care about Lucas. This teenage boy had to have skidded 15 feet thanks to the energy of that resistance band combined with the velo produced by Noah.

All motion comes to a stop, we are all scanning one another for a proper reaction.

I am concerned and so I immediately ask Lucas if he is fine and needs medical aid. Lucas begins laughing, “That was insane! I flew!”.

Not a second after those words left his mouth, the adrenaline had depleted.

“Ugggh, ahhhh, my shoulder”.

When Lucas pulled down his shirt, it was like roadkill meets week old pizza.

Chilling. Crude. Perplexing.

Gone was skin, here comes the ooze.

I told him to keep it covered by the shirt because bandaids were out of the question by a mile.

Explaining this to his Father was awkward, to say the least, but to my surprise, we shared a few laughs.

THE IMPORTANT THING: If I had kept things simple, gone with a modality that is proven by science, this wouldn't have happened.

I want you the reader to always remember that for optimal gains in the gym, simple, compound movements that can be loaded progressively is key.

A very important point to note. There is no perfect program. The perfect program for an individual is the one which they can stick with until the day they die. I am simply stating what works effectively when sustained by the athlete. A small group of compound lifts +progressive overload. That is all it takes people. Not many can maintain patience and persistence. Those two attributes determine the success of someone more than any particular modality will.

Wish y’all the best! Win the day.
Rich Dogs Begin Receiving Vaccine
By: Max Barth
Tags: Vaccines, Satire, Comedy, Funny, Coronavirus

The wealthiest dogs in America are receiving the Moderna coronavirus vaccination on Thursday, according to FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn.

“While we are aware that essential healthcare workers and elderly Americans are technically first in line to receive doses, we also are aware that these dogs are absolutely flush with nowhere to spend it.”

Skittles Walton, heir to the Walmart fortune, is worth approximately four billion dollars. She will receive two doses of the vaccine and a treat for being so good when the scary doctor stopped by.

The pets, who range in age from one month to eighteen years, are located throughout the country but will not have to travel to receive the vaccine.

“These are jet-setting, ‘one percent’ pups, ok?” says Dr. Sonia Garcia, head of Veterinary Holdings at Goldman Sachs. “They might be filthy and stinking, but they are also filthy stinking rich. The vaccine comes to them.”

Flight logs confirm that dozens of chartered planes have left Moderna’s manufacturing headquarters in Cambridge, Massachussets in recent days, presumably to deliver to well-heeled heelers, affluent affenpinschers and oozing couch meatballs that have never known the toil of an honest day’s work.

Asked why the moneyed mutts were able to jump ahead of millions of Americans in line for vaccines, Garcia defended the practice. “Behind every wealthy dog, there is an owner who may have had to lay off thousands of workers this year, who can’t travel — can’t monitor their investments in person. In some states they are barred from even evicting their tenants. This is about peace of mind.”
8/17 Top 10 movie deaths: Die Hard, Commando | Gutting the Sacred Cow
By: Kevin Gootee
Tags: Movies, Movie Review, Podcast, Podcasting, Funny

Darth Vader ran a gamut of emotions with his death in Jedi

KG:

1. Darth Vader (Jedi)-Yeah, that hit home on a multitude of emotions.

2. Iron Man (Endgame)-He was the backbone of that franchise and goddamn, I miss his wiseass quips.

3. Bryan Cox (Big Fish)-That ending still gets me when all of the characters visit him in the hospital at the end where the son thought he was bullshitting.

4. Thunder (Big Trouble in Little China)-If you didn’t laugh when he held his breath so long he blew up, you have no sense of humor.

5. Samuel L Jackson (Deep Blue Sea) A shark came out of the water while he was giving a hell of a monologue and took him OUT.

6. Dr. Schulz (Django Unchained) When he shot Candie after saying, I’m sorry, and then got blown away…a bit sad. Auf weiderzehen Herr Schultz.

7. Tommy (Joe Pesci) in Goodfellas. He’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.

8. Porkins in Star Wars. Just kidding, no one gave a fuck about him

8. South African guy in Lethal Weapon 2-DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY…Has just been revoked.

9. Wolverine (Logan) Goddamn, watching a hero of many of ours die hit us all in the sack.

10. Alien. When the alien burst out of his chest, monumental.

1. Darth Vader (Return of The Jedi) — An emotion bending demise that we all, at first rooted for, but then when it came, left us feeling empty.

2. Quint (Jaws) — A noble death for a man who had one hell of a life. And he got to take one of those damn fish with him!

3. Bambi’s/Dumbo’s mom — I mean, c’mon…I was just a kid and you’re throwing this shit at me?! Damn, bro.

4. Hans Gruber (Die Hard) — Oh man, this was a satisfying one. That smug asshole. I want every villain to go like that — by watching the terror in their eyes as they plummet to their demise. Yippee Ki Yay!

5. King Kong — Yeah, sure, it was the only way it could have gone down. But that big ape wasn’t even supposed to be here. I think we all hoped he’s take down a few more of those damn planes.

6. Goose (Top Gun) — Mother Goose?! No! Why??? I still hate that scene….and pretty much everything that follows it. Goose was my favorite part of the movie and they killed him in an accident. That’s cold.

7. Bodhi (Point Break) — This dude did it his way — chasing those tasty waves. And who knows, maybe he made it. I think he did. Right?

8. Predator (The Predator) — Sure, Dylan won, but the dreadlocked alien got the last laugh…literally. Death by self-nuclear bombing. Bad ass.

9. Sully (Commando) — Two Arnold kills in a row? You’re damn right. I’m that guy. But don’t worry about Sully, he let him go.

10. The Kurgan (Highlander) — has any guy ever had it more coming than the Kurgan? I mean, the dude was such a dick. Sorry Kurg, there can be only one and that one ain’t you.
Local Dad Prepared to Spend Full Week, Maybe Month, at The Home Depot Looking at Light Bulbs
By: Brisa Sylvestre
Tags: Satire, Home Depot, Humor, Funny, Dads

Mansfield, MA — Local Dad, Greg Shaw, is planning on spending a full week in aisle 9 at The Home Depot. “I’m in need of a new light bulb for the garage and a few other necessities like duct tape and a driveway reflector so I’ll really need as much time as I can get.” When asked where he would be staying in there he replied “in the kitchen section obviously, there’s a reason they have model kitchens and bathrooms there. For Dads like me who need to pick out urgent necessities.”

We pressed Greg why he would need a full week for these small items and he became visibly irritated “do you not know anything about light bulb variety and have you ever been to Home Depot?”

When asked what he would be doing for the week, he laughed and said “Good one. What could I not do for a week in Home Depot?” He rambled on “I plan to spend a whole Tuesday looking at light bulbs and then possibly wander over to aisle 10 and look at different types of duct tape and reflectors — if I have time. I’d rather spend a full separate day and a half looking at tape but we’ll see.”

Greg was packing a trash bag full of clothes for his trip. Most, if not every, piece of clothing he packed was completely covered in paint stains. When asked why he didn’t just use a suitcase he said “I got these trash bags at Home Depot. They’re 40 gallons and heavy-duty so they’re really meant for occasions like this. These aren’t made for trash. Not these ones. These are a Home Depot special. Doesn’t get much better than this. Heavy-duty.” He then tossed in a ham sandwich and sealed the bag with duct tape — which we are assuming he also purchased at The Home Depot.

He grabbed his 40-gallon bag and dragged it out the door, waving goodbye but not before grabbing ahold of the outdoor stair railing which he noticed was loose after giving it a hard shake. “Looks like this might need a new screw! Tell my family I could be gone for a whole month with this unforeseen addition to the list!”
Some Nonsensical Poems
By: Pretheesh Presannan
Tags: Creative Writing, Poem, Humor, Funny, Fun

once an old man along with his friends came to dance at my house

he was that old fatty guy with a white beard — Santa Claus

he says it is belly dance

for me it is bully dance

since he takes my money after his dance, putting me at a loss
CDC Introduces New COVID-19 Test
By: Gabe Capone
Tags: Life Lessons, Covid, Pandemic, Nasal Swab, Funny

CDC Introduces New COVID-19 Test

The Anal Swab

Sure, the PCR nasal swab is the gold standard of COVID-19 tests and moderately uncomfortable but I heard the CDC is introducing an anal swab. It’s essentially a mop. Like the stringy kind. You drop your drawers in a parking lot and a medical professional inserts the mop and twirls it at the handle around your insides for a minute or two. They give you a dish rag to bite down on, which I think is nice.

Do it on a Friday night and turn it into a party. Invite your friends. Practice social distancing of course. That professional needs a running start to get the mop in deep enough.

The anal swab is 42% effective but 100% fun. It’s nothing like the accuracy of a nasal swab yet there’s something about truly knowing you are being tested for something. And it’s free!
Good Memories for a Good Time
By: Scribbled Memes
Tags: Entertainment, Funny, Memes, Laughing

Scrolling through memes may be perceived by others to be a childish pastime, but we are of the view that frivolity has never been a felony. Memes is really an insanely simple (and cheap) way to pepper your monotonous life with a little joy. And we’ve got here for you.

If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably in the mood for a few memes. We are pleased to share another generous aid of grace with you, for nothing gives us more joy than to spread laughter and positive vibes in these tough times. Get in the meme zone and scroll away!

1- Listens to 201 genres this year according to Spotify

2- Also Black Cat

3- This painting was done by artist Wlater Molino in 1962…

4- Wana play a game?

5- Youtube 1 hour later

6- One follower in a dark alley

7- Me after loading CYBERPUNK 2077 on my laptop

8- In alternate universe

9- 14 year old dolphins

10- Me, who accidently clipped through the floor

11- When you say ‘have a good day’ to a customer…

12- A bunch of toxic 8 year olds

13- Original looks weird

14- To be or not to be

15- Wanting to play Cyberpunk 2077

16- Beccause that’s, what heroes do

17- “oh my god, Kevin is so hot!”

18- My Youtube recommendations

More on the site
How to Date a Tech Bro
By: Niladri Roy
Tags: Datingadvice, Funny, Humor, Devlife

This post was inspired by Anita Ihuman’s How to date a tech sis In this post, let me walk you over the fundamentals of dating a tech bro!

Keep your bags packed

Tech bros in general are travel enthusiasts. They spend most of the time staring at screens (from dual monitors to smartphones) and love the occasional escape to a few days of digital detox.

Be creative in your gifts

As a techie, he probably makes enough money. He also loves the thrill of reading through articles and watching hundreds of YouTube reviews before making an informed decision. Do not deprive him of this adrenaline rush! Instead, get to know him and spend some time making something. He loves a personal touch.

Be prepared to watch Nerdy movies

Please know the difference between Star Trek, Star Wars, and Guardian of the Galaxy. Be ready to waste weekends with a rerun of the Batman trilogy, or a Marvel marathon! The good part is, he can pause and explain the intricate details if you blink and miss an important part.

Confide in him

He is a keeper of secrets. So go ahead and make some confessions. Feeling insecure about something? Go ahead and talk to him. He makes a living out of turning bugs into features. He will be more than happy to show you the perfect picture of yourself that he sees!

Treat his pet well

A vast majority of techies own pets, and you better be comfortable with his furry friends or that might be a deal-breaker!

Be explicit

No, they don’t understand unspoken words. They are worse than men in general when it comes to picking up social cues. Their evolution was hindered by the amount of console.log and System.out.println they frantically typed in! So please speak up and be assured that it will be heard.

Don’t plan anything in the morning

These creatures are night owls and show their worst colors when woke up early! So plan events accordingly; he will most likely not join you in your morning yoga! Going for a post-dinner stroll? Count him in.

Read and support his blog

Yes please! Blogs are not always tutorials and there are often some gems like these! You don’t have to be a techie to show some support. Read them, share them with your friends. Help them get their dose of dopamine.

Conclusion

Go ahead and get that tech bro of yours! While they are relatively low maintenance, be warned they are fragile! So do not drop, knock, or spill coffee (on them or their work). Wish you the best of luck!
Rachael’s Humor Collection
By: Rachael Ann Sand
Tags: Muddyum, Humour, Humor, Self, Funny

I’ve discovered the joy in sharing humor and even earned a Top Writer badge in this category. It’s a very prestigious badge allowing access to experiences and secret underground clubs I’m not at liberty to share here. More importantly, my readers have laughed and experienced the resulting dose of endorphins also known as feel good hormones.

Browse the categories and take a deep dive into my funnybone ticklers. Send up red sparks if you need to be rescued from the rabbit hole.
Look who’s watching telly with my mum
By: Content Introvert
Tags: Wildlife, Comedy, Squirrels, Life, Funny

He watched with her for about 15 minutes, she said.

At the time of this photo, they were deciding what to watch next.

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Topsy Turvy World
Tags: Dreams, Fiction, Storytelling, Funny

You wake up to a new day and everything is upside down. Whaaat! Why is the fan below and floor up? Where am I? Is this for real or am I still dreaming?

Image source : Theispot

I get out of my bed and find no sockets to plug in the charger. How do I do it now? My phone is about to die. The situation is already weird and now my phone..Oh god!

I call out mom and dad for help and to understand the event but they did not respond to my numerous and repeated call outs.

As every time I look up, it scares me what if somethings falls on me! the kitchen has gone up, where is water? How will I make myself a cup of coffee, may be coffee could fix all this mess but all in vain.

With a lot of courage I step towards the window to see what is the scenario outside or its just in my home but the reality had hit me too hard and as much of the world my eyes could catch, everything was topsy turvy.

We are already in lockdown due to covid and now this has hit us, what exactly God has in store for us!

Parents came back and shared their bag of struggles while shopping the groceries. All the salesmen were on the ladders and stools to fetch the desired products. I could not stop laughing.

Hence, drained by all this, we decided to get our meals for the day from our favorite Chinese restaurant Bercos. Now comes the twist, the delivery boy was on the floor i.e. upwards..haha

We gotta find a way out!

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” ―Nelson Mandela

I racked my brains and used a power bank to charge my phone.You place the highest ladder or stool and take the delivery from the boy. Since it is the era of digitalization, hence made the payment online.

Trust me, it was altogether a surreal experience to eat in the balcony with the extraordinary view of topsy-turvy world.

The unpredictable day ended finally and before I tucked myself into my bed to call it a day, I prayed to God to make everything normal and just like other days, this world is too hard to survive.

Let us pray together!

And just the very moment, my alarm rang and woke me up from this surreal dream looking around again and again to check is this now its the reality or that was!!
FDA Approves Emergency Distribution Of Baby Yoda Squishmallows
By: Business Outsider
Tags: Satire, Humor, FDA, Comedy, Funny

WASHINGTON-A government advisory panel approved the distribution of long-anticipated Baby Yoda Squishmallows Thursday. This long awaited approval will help to ensure that every American will have an adorable companion to squish and cuddle.

Following months of market research, FDA representative, Dr. Elenore Gibson spoke to the effectiveness of the small plush novelties, “We know that the safety and efficacy of these squishmallows have been drawn into question in recent weeks, but our experts have found them to be 94% to 95% effective at putting even the most stuck up adults into a cuddly mood. One Cambridge study found 97% of participants, when presented with the Squishmallow found it both adorable, and extremely satisfying to squoosh. For this reason, I will be getting one for myself and my family as soon as they are available.”

Meanwhile, at a Walmart in downtown LA, the staff struggled to keep up with demand. Manager Amber Perez had just finished her fourth 12-hour shift of the week. Visibly exhausted, she complained, “The crowd just doesn’t stop. Every time I think there can’t be more, another customer shows up. The toy aisle is filled to capacity with anxious shoppers trying to get one of these Baby Yodas but there just aren’t enough yet. We’ve set up a field aisle out in the parking lot filled with other toys, but that’s just addressing a symptom. We aren’t going to make any progress until every American can cuddle up with an adorable pillow shaped like baby yoda”

At press time, MyPillow founder, Michael Lindell appeared on Fox news holding a Baby Yoda Squishmallow in a biohazard bag while claiming the toy had given his son autism.
My Apartment Lobby Is Trying to Tell Us Something
By: Sunshine Zombiegirl
Tags: Decoration, Fail, Humor, Holidays, Funny

2020 has to end somehow, right?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Ever since I was old enough to put up my holiday decorations, the holidays made me happy. I even had a family rule — first snow, the tree always went up. Always. One year, the first snow was on Halloween. I dressed my infant as a pumpkin, then spruced up my tree with homemade ornaments and lights to the tune of “The Nutcracker.”

I decorate for Halloween, cook for Thanksgiving, and hang up everything for Christmas, year in and year out, with very few exceptions.

Take 2019, for instance. We were in the process of redoing our kitchen that winter. I didn’t decorate at all. I made Thanksgiving at my sister-in-law’s house. (All we had was a toaster oven, a microwave, and a terrible desire for real food). Last Christmas, I did nothing to decorate. There were no presents. 2019’s holidays foreshadowed this year.

By this year, I mean the entire year. Chaos and pandemic will do that to you.

Considering the grim alternatives, I put up zombie carnage on my apartment windows for the entirety of October. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner at the beginning of November because, frankly, I needed the entire meal sooner. I missed putting my tree up for the first snow because September is way too early to celebrate Christmas. (I’m looking at you, Home Depot.)

My apartment manager must have avoided the holiday spirit until now. Normally, the lobby TV plays the greatest hits of bus-stop times, but not this week. For three straight days, the TV boomed instrumental Christmas music while looping a roaring fire next to an ornately dolled up Christmas tree. (SS sarcastically grumped, “Oh, great, now our apartment building is a mall.”)

Until last night, that is.

In absolute solidarity with the beast that 2020 has become, the TV stopped playing music and went on Christmas strike. A still picture of the not-so-roaring fire stands next to the creepily still fir tree. It looms over the too empty lobby with the swirling circle of “video play interrupted” hovering on its screen.

I’m not saying that the TV is a sign that a holiday blow-up-doll army will take over the city — just that it could.

If I survive this holiday with my wits and limbs intact, I will celebrate then. You know, when it’s safe to come out again, late next year — just in time for Home Depot’s creepy, uncanny-valley, Santa army to march on Labor Day.
Clairvoyant
Tags: Humor, Comics, Cartoon, Funny, Psychic

Almost famous cartoonist who laughs at her own jokes and hopes you will, too.
My Spyvio Bonuses
By: Abasiama Udoeyop
Tags: Affiliate Marketing, Product Development, Sales Funnels, Sales, Internet Marketing

Good day fellas, Spyvio, is a software which will help internet marketers, affiliate marketers and product owners to scale up by spying and getting and insight on top competitors ads, sales funnels and emails. I’ll be doing a full review on youtube shortly and I’ll update you with a link to watch the review. Also, these are bonuses you will get when you purchase Spyvio from these custom link https://jvz4.com/c/1667539/362047 . Everything here is worth more than $1500 and you’re getting them today for free if your use that link to get spyvio. The launch webinar is today 10AM Eastern time. Attendees will be winning free copies of Spyvio.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
Hard Work and Hustling in Biz
By: Georges Hanna
Tags: Marketing Strategies, Irresistible Offer, Digital Marketing, Human Experience, Sales

Hard Work and Hustling in Biz

Coaches, experts and successful entrepreneurs talk always about working hard and the continuous hustling to get the results you want in biz.

When you hire a coach or a business expert to help you get your biz and your three profits into the next level, they do two distinctive steps:

1- They share with you their method, blueprint, strategy and their journey to help you get to the next level.

2- They unconsciously instill in you their BELIEF System by sharing stories, case studies, and successes of their previous clients.

While you pay for the first, the second determines more your actions and inspire you to get the results you want.

The collection of Strategies, blueprints and formulas… etc. are external, while the belief system you acquire through your coach or expert is purely internal and most of the time goes automatic and on autopilot.

You are a Master Piece of Human that depends solely on the internal… while the external can impact, adjust and trigger the internal in so many different ways.

Working hard…

hustling…

pushing yourself…

sacrificing your time with family and friends…

giving up your weekends…

work 16 hours a day…

start your day at 4:30am…

All of those are internal. They are part of your belief system. If you don’t have them in first place, you may acquire them from the books you read, the experts you hire or by just reading articles like this.

When you hire a coach or an expert you buy their belief system more than you buy their methods or their blueprints.

You buy their inspiration to move you into action more than you buy their online course.

Beware of the Belief System you buy…

Educate yourself continuously…

Hire coaches and fire the ones who don’t resonate with your level of awareness…

Elevate yourself so you can elevate others…

Transform yourself so you can help others change…

You Are One Step Away of Transforming a Human Life…

To Your Elevated Belief System…

Georges Hanna
Linkedin Sales Approach, I don’t think is working…
By: Alfredo Alderete
Tags: Sales, Networking, LinkedIn

I am getting request after request from people who want to join my network to sell something. I even think that they have the whole communication process in an automatic process hitting everyone in Linkedin.

Have you got those requests? They are all like this:

profile: marketing, social media expert, life insurance, mortgage, etc.

Offer: Your profile looks impressive, and we share so much in common. Would you like to increase X?

Thanks to that, Linkedin also has an automatic response: NO.

I am not a salesperson, but even those who knock on your front door or sell in public transportation have better sales techniques. Any useful tips on how are would approach a “sell” through Linkedin?
Want To Quit Your 9–5 And Work Anywhere In The World With A Phone And Computer?
By: Henry Johnson Lr
Tags: Datrice Mulsumo, Médium, Sales, High Ticket Sales, Millionaire

Well, meet Datrice Mulsumo; his success story is out of this world. He’s a self-made millionaire and is currently teaching folks how to quit their day jobs and work for themselves, anywhere in the world. He’s currently looking to train you a high-income skill that could make you make a living anywhere in the world, and all you’ll need is a laptop, phone, and faster-working internet.

“Hello! I’m looking for 5–10 people that are looking to learn a high-income skill.

I have generated over 5 MILLION dollars in sales revenue for online business owners as a high ticket closer in the last 2 YEARS.

I have a fantastic program that teaches you how to change your life for the better and become a great high ticket closer.

Commission as a closer is from 10%, 20%, and even more when you close deals on products that are $2,000.

.As a High ticket closer, you can make $1,000-$10,000 a month from the comfort of your home; all you need is a phone and the willpower to do it.

All your leads will be provided for you; all you have to do is answer the call and close the deal. If you want to change your life for yourself or family, this is for you!” — Datrice Mulsumo.
How To Get Into Digital Marketing
By: Fernanda Melo
Tags: Motivation, Digitalmarketing, News, Sales, Business

How To Get Into Digital Marketing {link} ilymoney
What to Prepare before Closing Sales Call?
By: Jonathan Ans
Tags: Closing The Sale, Entrepreneurship, Sales

Many people asked me how to close a sale.

They said, “I have been telling them many times about the great features of my products. Why don’t they come and buy from me?”

There’s no problem in telling them the great features of your product. But people don’t care much on what your product can do.

Let me tell you a simple example. If you want to buy a drill to make a hole on the wall, will you care how fast the drill is?

NO! They only care about how the drill can help you make a hole on the wall, as well as the size of the hole.

People don’t care about you. People only care about how your product can help them solve their problems.

If you want to close a sale, you ask your prospect questions to know more about what they actually need.

Here are some of the sample questions that you can use.

- What exactly is your problem?

- What’s wrong is the current situation?

- What are you hoping for?

Next time, don’t try to talk and talk and talk. Put your feat into your prospect’s shoes. You will know more about what they need!
CLICK HERE, To access the free training on how to make 100 USD or More per DAY. How To Get Into Digital Marketing (And Earn A Full-Time Income With It)
By: Fernanda Melo
Tags: Motivation, Digitalmarketing, News, Sales, Business

CLICK HERE, To access the free training on how to make 100 USD or More per DAY.

How To Get Into Digital Marketing (And Earn A Full-Time Income With It)

- Fonte do texto: https://ilymoney.com/how-to-get-into-digital-marketing/
Selling something, got to be selling something!!
By: Iain Robertson
Tags: Learning, Sales, Notebook, Ideas

So in my desire to learn some new stuff, I subscribed to a whole lot of things from Instagram, Facebook, web surfing and from the usual suspects. A lot of what I subscribed to gave me something for free which was good for the 15 minutes that it lasted.

Honestly, some of it was worthwhile reading, cribbing and adding to my notes. I have built up some great, credible reference material.

For a beginner like me, it is useful. Cheers…all!

But as my father would say, there is no such thing as a free lunch, even though there is, If you look hard enough.

But, then again, being contrary .. for most of the time he might be right. There is always a price to pay.

What was the price I had to pay other than the loss of my time?

For the free stuff it was jumping through some tricky hoops to make sure that I didn’t press the wrong links and also taking the time to beat the trick questions or find the ‘no I don’t want this deal take me to my free stuff’ link, which, funny enough is always in the very small print. So the extra concentration was a bit of a price to pay because I just wanted to click, receive and go.

I navigated all of this well enough. It does take some concentrated effort and it is a bit like being Lara Croft in Tomb Raider, but it can be out smarted.

Then again, I think they worked their ‘funnels’ because now I get a lot of one time only deals emailed to me. Some are more ferocious than others and I often think what do they hope to achieve by hammering my inbox every couple of hours… do you honestly think that is a good tactic?

Desperation comes to mind, even if it is a great one time offer of 90% off from a product that you have inflated in price!!

My email inbox is now a bit like what it was physically like walking down a street in Tenerife and getting bombarded by timeshare sales reps. What a great expereince.

I am currently unsubscribing or letting my filters do the work on clearing my emails but it is interesting, because everybody is selling something.

This I suppose is the nature of everything. Selling.

Everywhere people are evidently selling something and when I put this filter on my mindset while I surf the internet and I sign up to more stuff, then it becomes all that little bit more clearer on the tactics that can be inflicted upon us all.

There is a skill to it and through the process, I am learning. Jordan Belfort style…

I have noticed that if you can hold your nerve, keep your wallet shut tight and just garner the information from the free material then you do learn a fair bit.

People are creative and informative in what they share for nought. There is a jigsaw puzzle of information getting shared for no cost other than your investment of time…

It would take a bit of piecing things together and a fair bit of editing, but I could probably pull together a nice little ‘how to book’ and sell it.

Incidentally.

Are you interested in buying my new book.. it’s all about productivity and maximising your day.

It’s called the 18hrs work day, its yours for $999, but.

I have a free sample… ; )
Cocaine / Aprazolam
Tags: Marketing, Drugs, Google, Sales, Bitcoin

Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant drug. For thousands of years, people in South America have chewed and ingested coca leaves (Erythroxylon coca), the source of cocaine, for their stimulant effects.1,2 The purified chemical, cocaine hydrochloride, was isolated from the plant more than 100 years ago. In the early 1900s, purified cocaine was the main active ingredient in many tonics and elixirs developed to treat a wide variety of illnesses and was even an ingredient in the early formulations of Coca-Cola®. Before the development of synthetic local anesthetic, surgeons used cocaine to block pain.1 However, research has since shown that cocaine is a powerfully addictive substance that can alter brain structure and function if used repeatedly.

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The words that sway.
By: Vanessa P
Tags: Language, Sales, Linguistics, Communication Skills, Negotiation

Imagine: This word appeals to your target’s imagination and emotion. You ask them to create their own picture.

Would you be interested in…: You are making a suggestion to your interlocutor, giving them the power to decide while at the same time arousing their curiosity, a common trait that we all have to a certain degree.

Do you prefer … or …?: A classic. You are only offering two options, both working for you. Your audience feels like they have some sort of power and control because everyone likes to have choices in the things they do.

Surprisingly: using this word implies that you were expecting less, whether you are talking about a person or a situation, and therefore sets a lower bar in the mind of your interlocutor.

Seriously?: used as an exclamation, it is a subtle way to bring discredit over someone’s argument.