Dear Shadow
By: Greg Frankson
Tags: Society, Family, Poetry, Fatherhood, Parenting

dear Shadow,

i once used to wonder where the sun came from

how light illuminated our world

and allowed us to see

our surroundings, ourselves and each other

marvelled at how water flowed through the stream

beside my Orton Park housing complex

and how the berries grew sweeter

than anything Highland Farms had on offer

in the produce section

dear Shadow,

i wanted to know why

the sun set on us before i knew

what one was to do with the light of dawn

why you melted away

like my Dickie Dee popsicle under the heat

of another Scarborough summer

leaving my hand empty, my mouth hungering

and a deep visceral thirst

unquenched by the passage of time and

the acts of imperfect mortal beings

dear Shadow,

bamboo shoots are versatile and strong

sugar cane sustains and timber

reinforces structures built on foundations

but all need to be cut down to size

in order to deliver their highly useful purposes

so it’s difficult for me to compare you

to such crucial natural resources because

the sustenance you should have provided

blew away years ago like dust

from bamboo, cane and timber

burned away

from the cornerstones of my youth

there is no going back no turning back to back to back no i got your back no back away from the flame son cuz it might burn you no i’ll be right back no back bacon cooking on the stove for me in the morning time before school no back alley baseball games no backyard barbecues with reggae rockers, red stripe and guinness no backing me up when i feel sad or scared or alone no pats on the back for a job well done no grinning face gazing at me with pride from the crowd no

no

no

no

no…

dear Shadow,

i’m now a grown man

with the power to express

what a child could only hem inside

the trauma of drama and psychoses

once held me prisoner to fear and regret

but i can’t handle any more trials

so Guantanamo force-feed me

parables and platitudes

and excuses and equivocations

to satisfy my eternal curiosity

for there’s no way my anger and fears

can subside as long as you

remain hidden beneath a cloud

dear Shadow,

you complicated matters

by setting up shop in East York —

a stone’s throw away

from where my soul and flesh resided

and raised another seed

planted in the same season as mine, and you

sang to that seed and nurtured it, fed it and re-potted it

as it sprouted and matured under your watchful eye

even as i longed for a bit of that sun

that soil

that water

that comfort and joy

but Shadow,

the worst part for me is now

i am losing hold of the reality that once

fleetingly dominated my existence

and my nightmare scenario for my life

i sought to avoid all those years

takes root inside my tortured soul

why is it after all you’ve done to me

and all you haven’t done for me, and

the pain i was exposed to long before my time

that your path is the one that illuminates itself

within the depths of the cave?

dear Shadow,

now i am a father too

i have my own seeds to nurture, feed, water and cherish

and having them live apart from me

hurts too much to think about too hard

so it scares me so much to know

that i have taken so much from you even when

you were not there to hand it to me in person

as i too melt away

and the sun sets

to leave no evidence of me

except for

a shadow.