Is saying ‘No’ or ‘Yes’ the only option?
By: Qahera Miyajiwala
Tags: Options, Saying Yes, Saying No, Coaching

In my previous blog, I wrote about the need to be assertive, say ‘No’, or speak your mind out. In this blog, I will tell you my opinion on, when to say ‘No’, when to say ‘Yes’ and the other options you have in front of you.

When do you say ‘No’ then….

If you know that the other person is just asking you for help because they know they can, or they feel asking you is the easiest way to get work done: Some people may just ask for help because they themselves don’t want to do it and not because they specifically need you and could, in reality, manage independently without you, if you said ‘No’. So they just try their luck because they know that the probability of you saying ‘Yes’ is very high. If you feel you have gotten a sour deal and the person who is asking for your help is just taking advantage of you and your kindness: Often people make deals of co-existence and helping each other for mutual benefit, which on the surface may look good and fair but when you actually sit down to think about it or start working you start seeing the cracks in the deal and that you got the shorter stick and the other person has control over everything and does not necessarily have to help you or give you much in return for your time even though helping them would push you to your limit. If you feel that no matter what you do you will not be able to help them out in any way: In life, we may be in certain situations where we don’t have the financial capability or time to spend to help someone so then is a time to consider saying no. If you feel that just because of societal norms of who should do what, you are being asked to do something: Many pre-conceived societal norms lean towards one group of society, and often so much is expected from the people from this group because of it, that the members feel exhausted by the end of the day and don’t have any time to satisfy their basic needs and requirements.

You can choose to say ‘Yes’ or to help…

When someone you love or care about is unwell or needs your help and you have the means and are capable of helping them out. However in these cases also you should take a few minutes out just for you to recharge your batteries or you won’t be able to help them as much as you would like to. If the person who has asked for help is genuinely in need and close to you even if you don’t have the means to help them the way they want and need you to, then you can see if there is any way in which you could help them get the help they need from someone else or some other means, if it would be difficult for them to look for other means on their own.

If you like helping others and it gives you pure joy and you don’t feel you need anything in return or are being forced in any way to help, you can also go ahead and help people if you have the means of doing so.

However, we may sometimes find ourselves in situations in life where we don’t have the ability to really help but we feel like there is no other option but to do so like in a work setting.

Having a conversation with the person who is in charge or has allocated the work to you, to discuss your situation and a way to reduce the burden like a broader timeline or if there is anyone else who can fill in and do some part of the job, could be an option. According to me, a conversation with those in power could help but people are afraid of the consequences so they just keep quiet and silently suffer till they completely crack under pressure and are forced by their health to take a longer break than they or their company could really afford.

So what I’m trying to say is that according to me saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ is circumstantial but these two are not the only options. If we are willing to be courageous and speak our mind or how we are feeling we might just be surprised.