A Natural Birth from the Crying Dad at the Foot of the Bed
By: Macklin Andrick
Tags: Birth, New Dad, Natural Birth, Dads

Stepping back a bit, we were on track for a November 20th due date and coincidentally the 20th is Jacoby’s birthday. For the most part, Jacoby’s pregnancy was smooth. We became pregnant the first month of trying, Jacoby avoided morning sickness and overall dealt with the strain of having a baby smoosh her organs like an accordion with grace. Jacoby lucked out and avoided morning sickness. She has an extreme fear of throwing up and has gotten sick once or twice in the 10 years we have been together. I attribute most of this to her ability to focus and control her body.

Throughout most of the pregnancy, Avett was tracking big. At our 20 week appointment, which is where they do all the measurements and “does he got all his parts” check. At that point, he was measuring in the 90th percentile. Fast forward to the 38th-week check-in at the Mercy Birthing Center I wasn’t able to attend, so Jacoby went with her friend Ali (our neighbor/amazing photographer friend). After the appointment, she called me at work and I ventured off to the office tech lab, leaned back in our broken office chair to learn that homeboy was already around 8-9 pounds. Putting us on track for a 10-pound baby where a typical baby is 7.5 pounds on average fully baked. The midwives were a little concerned and said they didn’t want us to go over 41 weeks fearing the complications that could arise from a ginormous baby. We had another ultrasound a week later at the 39th-week appointment to confirm his size, which was roughly 8lbs 14oz. We decided we would wait him out to hopefully avoid an induction.

He didn’t arrive the 39th week and we arrived at our 40th-week appointment on the 20th. Prior to the due date/Jacoby’s birthday, we had the idea of hosting an eviction party with a few friends if he hadn’t arrived yet. The idea was to eat pineapples, dates and spicy food in the hopes that they would kickstart labor. There is a restaurant in our neighborhood called Edible & Essentials that is one of our favorite places to eat in St. Louis. Matt the owner is always kind to us and makes delicious food. One day back in the summer we were having breakfast at Edible & Essentials and Matt mentioned whilst taking a couple of plates away that the Bahn mi tacos have a stellar track record of sending ladies into labor. On the day of Jacoby’s birthday/eviction party, I called up Edible & Essentials a few hours before the party and they graciously made a batch up of the tacos even though they had a private party for the evening. I can’t say enough good things about this place! As I walked out Matt just asked that I let him know how it goes…spoiler alert, they worked.

Jacoby ate one taco before the party and proceeded to have a wonderful birthday party with our friends. Everyone went home after the party around 8:30 pm and we went to bed around 11 pm. I vaguely wake up around 2 am from Jacoby getting out of bed, which was not an uncommon occurrence at this point in her pregnancy. She was usually up 2–4 times per night. However I heard her walk down our creaky stairs, which was odd, but I thought she may be grabbing water so I nodded back off to sleep.

I awoke to Jacoby whispering “hey are you awake” which I sleepily replied “huh”. She then replied with a deadpan “my water broke”. I then snapped upright like a rake being stepped on eager to grab our to-go bags and dash for the car. However, she reassured me we had time and told me to go back to sleep…yeah, right. I attempted to relax only to have my mind race for another hour. Silly thing is that you hear that dogs have a sixth sense for these types of things and will stay next to the laboring mom to protect her…not our pups. Shortly after Jacoby went back downstairs after telling her water broke the dogs creep back up the stairs to go back to sleep. Lazy bums. After an hour or so of staring at my ceiling fan thinking about how “it was finally happening”, Jacoby called me to come downstairs to say it really was happening.

Jacoby mentioned she called the midwife to keep her up to speed. She calmly managed early labor in our living room, bouncing on her birthing ball, and binging Lizzie Mcguire and Broad City. In a frenzy, I started gathering all our to-go bags and knocking out chores so we came home to a nice clean house. Our good friend, Ali who I mentioned before came over to start documenting the occasion. Ali and Jacoby are best friends who bonded over the past few years as neighbors over photography, natural birth and our love of dogs.

Ali started tracking Jacoby’s contractions while I nervously took out the trash and cleaned the litter box. At the time, I felt the weight of the moment and all I could do was anxiously clean. Somehow a comb appeared in my hand while grabbing the bags and I attempted to hand it off to Jacoby around 5 times before she finally took the darn thing from me. Jacoby had to tell me to sit down because I was stressing her and the dogs out. Since it was 3 in the morning we were having a little trouble getting a hold of our doula, Stacy. She finally picked up after the 5th call and I gave her an update on where we were at, which was around 4 minutes between contractions. Within another 15–20 minutes Jacoby’s contractions were 2-minutes apart. That is when I made the call to Elizabeth, the midwife on call, and she gave us the green light to head on in.

By this point, a storm rolled over Saint Louis and there was a true gully washer outside. Pro-tip for anyone expecting, get a cheap table cloth from the dollar store for the ride to the hospital there could be a mess. In my stressed frenzy, I had put the table cloth in the back seat behind the driver's side. That apparently was the wrong place since I’m 6'5 and often recline the seat all the way back to drive in comfort. We dashed to the car in the pouring rain, Jacoby attempted to jump in the back seat, but that was not happening due to the lack of legroom. She then ripped the table cloth out of the car while being soaked and rushed around the other side of the car to put the table cloth in the front seat all while dealing with a contraction. Once Jacoby got situated in the front seat, I haphazardly began casting all our unnecessary shit across the backseat including the baby’s car seat to get Jacoby a trash can on the off chance she got sick on the ride in. We finally got buckled up and began our 25-minute trek to the birthing center.

We turned the radio off while the rain pelted the windshield. Jacoby breathed through contraction after contraction with the little comb in her hand while I focused on not killing us in this rainstorm. I hate driving in heavy rain. We arrived safely at the hospital at around 5 am. We parked our soaked car in the 2 hours expecting mother parking spot, grabbed our hospital bags and waddled towards the sliding doors. As we stepped through the sliding doors and Jacoby stopped to breathe through a contraction. By this time Jacoby couldn’t speak during contractions and started leaning on me for support. The walk from the parking lot to the birthing center is about a city block. As we made our way Jacoby had 2 more contractions in the middle of the barren hotel lobby. The only other person around happened to be the floor buffer guy nonchalantly cruising his fancy floor polishing go-cart.

Once Jacoby, Ali and I arrived at the birthing center, Courtney, the overnight nurse checked us into our birthing suite. Our doula Stacy showed up a few minutes later and I breathed a sigh of relief having shepherded Jacoby to the hospital without giving birth in the middle of a Trader Joe’s parking lot. Stacy is a petite blonde with intricate tattoos up her arms who is equal parts warm mom and poised badass, which is why we wanted her to be our doula. We also felt she could tell Jacoby to woman the fuck up when birth gets tough.

To this point, Jacoby had been laboring since 2 am and things were progressing fast. The nurse checked Jacoby on her progress which was very good. We elected not to know the exact number since it can be a bit demoralizing to hear a low number. We later found out we were at a 6 after 3 hours. Jacoby is a badass.

We started to get settled in our birthing suite which consists of a big queen bed, a big birthing tub, Himalayan salt rock, essential oil diffuser, soothing water feature, and a walk-in rain shower. The setup is meant to empower women to give birth the way they want versus being relegated to a hospital bed. I grabbed a paper cup of water, assisted Ali in taping up the birth affirmations I printed 2 months ago, and changed into my green swimming trunks and prepared for the unknown.

Jacoby kept breathing through contractions and focusing in on herself. Stacy suggested Jacoby sit on a fitness ball in the shower while I sprayed hot water on her back during contractions, making sure not to get her hair wet. Stacy brought in little camping lantern into the bathroom to keep lower the mood. I sat on the shower bench in my green and blue swimming trunks periodically spraying hot water on Jacoby’s back as she endured contractions. I was freezing and so in the downtime between contractions, I would spray myself with hot water to warm up.

Next Jacoby moved to “the throne” also known as the toilet. Apparently the toilet is one of the top spots for birthing babies. Jacoby faced backward on the toilet leaning on the handicap bar with a pillow over the top working through contractions. Jacoby worked through contracts with Stacy and I repeating ever so often to “relax”, “breathe”, “take a cleansing breathe”, and “you’re kicking ass”.

Shortly after Jacoby started laboring on the throne she started making the infamous primal noises of a woman in labor. These are noises that women make to cope with the pain of labor that are primal, guttural, and at times completely bizarre. However, when you watch anyone you love go through contractions you want the pain to stop yet admire the tenacity to ride out her uterus contracting like a wet towel being wrung out to dry. I will admit I had a few tears roll watching her endure the pain. I could hide them since Jacoby kept her eyes closed for most contractions. In my hidden nervousness, I must have told Jacoby to relax a few too many times whereupon she fired back a sharp “Macklin, shut the fuck up”. I knew this would happen at some point! She apologized after and told me she loved me.

Just a quick note on the smell…it’s hard to describe so the best I came up with was an earthy musk. Of course, there are a lot of bodily fluids happening being released so hints of fecal matter, urine, and blood mixed with lavender essential oils…pleasant. Well, that’s enough about that.

Jacoby experienced several strong contractions while the nurses warmed the big birthing tub to the right temperature. Upon completion, we made our way over to the tub that could easily fit two people. The crew dimmed the lights and I fired up the hypnobirthing playlist on Jacoby’s phone to add to the relaxed vibe in the room. By this point, the contractions were picking up steam. You could tell because of the volume of Jacoby’s groans continued to grow with each passing wave. Stacy rotated cool wash clothes on Jacoby’s neck whilst coaching her through each contraction as I sat getting the shit squeezed out of my hand. At one point Jacoby constricted my left hand so hard I had to remove my ring for fear of losing the whole finger from lack of blood circulation.

Jacoby labored in the tub for a half-hour or so before Stacy suggested moved to the bed for Jacoby to change positions and get a bit of rest. As I understand birth from our baby classes at the birthing center, birth is the body evicting the baby by constricting the uterus. The baby ideally needs to be in the proper position of head-down with the baby’s face towards the mother’s spine. Each contraction pushed the baby down the birth canal, which works to expand over time. By the mom changing birthing positions, she can help expand the birth canal to inch the baby through the canal. Since we went with a natural birth you this allowed Jacoby to do various positions to coax the little guy out versus having an epidural that numbs from the waist down and forces you to stay in position on the hospital bed. This is definitely an oversimplification, but I hope gives you a little context.

Jacoby dried off and waddled to the bed where she was on her hands and knees for the next few contractions. I held Jacoby’s hands and washed her agonize through contractions. At one point she was screaming bloody murder into a pillow. After the few on her knees, they rolled her on her side for a few contractions, which gave Jacoby a little bit of time to relax without supporting her entire body. We had her flip on the other side before Jacoby wanted to get back on the toilet where she felt more comfortable.

We made our way back to the throne which brings us to one of my favorite moments from our birth story. The moment happened when we had all the lights off in the bathroom and only the light from the open sliding door illuminated the bathroom. Stacy and the nurses supporting us were off prepping a few things so Jacoby and I worked through a few rough contractions. I stepped back for a moment in the downtime between when a contraction hit and Jacoby grabbed onto the handicap bar on her right and the wall-mounted sink to her left. She began one of her primal moans and I began to hear a weird creaking noise. I looked around to realize the caulk of the wall-mounted sink was beginning to crack. Jacoby in her superwoman badasses began ripping the fucking sink off the wall to the point I had to give counter pressure to the sink in order to keep her from whipping it through the wall. A woman in labor is strong as hell.

By this point, Jacoby was feeling the urge to push. Stacy and the nurses returned to place a hot compress on Jacoby’s nether regions. My guess is this helps sooth the expanding tissue in preparation for the birth. We wrapped up a few more contractions and headed back to the bed to cycle through the all fours and sideline positions.

Jacoby wasn’t progressing as quickly as we hoped. The nurses suggested that we move her back to the tub in hopes that things would progress. Jacoby had no interest in walking but made her way over to the tub. She settled in on her knees and within two or three contractions she felt him move down and excitedly said she felt the head. This is when the nurses began prepping for the home stretch by notifying Elizabeth the midwife on call as well as the NICU team.

While the nurses laid out a set of fresh surgical pads across the bed we helped Jacoby out of the tub, dried her off and got her on all fours with a sheet over her backside. Labor really started to pick up at this point. Jacoby braved through a few contractions on all fours then quickly was rolled on her back. Our doula Stacy was up at her head coaching her through what is coined “the ring of fire”. The ring of fire is the roughest part of the birth since the head begins to crown. This is often the portrayal of the screaming woman you see in the movies.

While Jacoby moaned through her contractions I was standing at the foot of the bed observing the nursing team prepare for his full arrival. The NICU team rolled the warmer into the room right up next to the in-room sink awaiting showtime. Elizabeth the midwife on call is a pint-sized 5'2ish with thin-framed glasses, curly brown hair, and sureness to every action she takes. While Jacoby was splayed on her back Elizabeth and the two nurses plus a nurse in training were readying to get the little guy out. I planned on catching him when he came out so I waited anxiously at the foot of the bed waiting for the coach to put me in the game. I liked the idea of being the first person to touch my baby outside of the womb. While Stacy helped Jacoby get the head out, Stacy let the team know I wanted to catch him and the nurses gave way to let me get right in. At this moment, you could see the head coming out, which was covered in hair. I started to cry and I shouted across the room to Jacoby “he has so much hair!”. Within the next push his head was popping out and the nurses slid the umbilical cord over his head. His smurf like head had a purplish/blue hue. His head also seemed engorged as if he had been through a fight.

Since his head was out for what seemed like hours (maybe 1 minute), they needed to get him out and fast. At this moment I realized I wasn’t going to catch my baby, which I quickly got over observing the scene unfold from the foot of the bed. Avett’s shoulders were big so the team was concerned about shoulder dystocia and on top of that, he had passed the meconium right out of the gate, which could lead to additional complications for Jacoby and him. Elizabeth and crew sprung into superhero mode, jumping onto the bed with Jacoby’s leg on their shoulders shouting at Jacoby to “give it all she’s got!” whilst guiding his little body out. Avett came out in the next 30 seconds, in the happiest moment of my life. I stood there watching my world shift on its axis in euphoria.

Avett staring into my eyes

Once he was fully out they cut the cord with a Dexter like blood spray across the room…more on this shortly. The NICU team began working on him immediately to pink him up and make sure he came to. During that brief minute, I made sure Jacoby was ok and before the NICU team called me over to talk to the little guy. I made my way over to the warmer to see this long pudgy newborn with his eyes wide open. Avett perked up immediately and stared directly into my eyes as I started talking to him through my tears of joy telling him how much I love him and how beautiful he was. I remember shouting over to Jacoby that “he was beautiful and has so much hair!”.

Jacoby worked on birthing the placenta and the nurse team pointed out that Avett had a knot in his umbilical cord. I talked to him for the next few minutes until they weighed him at 9lbs 12oz. Right after that, the nurses confirmed Jacoby did not tear. This came as a surprise to the nurses who basically gave Jacoby a metaphorical standing ovation for the miracle that just occurred. The other oddity was that Avett must have somersaulted and put a knot in his umbilical cord. Once the NICU team wrapped up they passed Avett off to me to hand to Jacoby to finally meet him.

This moment of sheer bliss on Jacoby’s face filled my heart with joy. Seeing her fall head of heels in love with him was worth every strenuous moment of the birth.

Jacoby and I laid in bed bonding skin to skin for the next hour. The team helped clean up the room whereupon the birthing team replaced the blood-spattered crime scene rocking chair which was a first for the birthing center. The other bloody moment was when the nurse showed us the placenta. The placenta is an organ and on one side it looks like a veiny tree, also known as the tree of life.

Birth is a magical experience. I hope that my story helps give you a different perspective on what birth looks like and how beautiful bringing life into the world can be.

Jacoby gave birth a healthy 9lbs 12oz and 23-inch baby naturally in 7 hours without any complications. What a badass.