The art of forgiveness
By: Mario Lanzarotti
Tags: Self Improvement, Forgiveness, Coaching, Acceptance, Self Love

A moment that is long gone still troubles us today to the point where the grudges of the past become the horrors of today. Why is letting go so hard?

In the world of personal & spiritual development we find a consistent message when looking at the greatest teachers of humanity:

Letting go of the past is essential for peace of mind and happiness.

Yet, so many of us settle for pain and sorrow we experienced in our past. It’s like carrying around 200 pounds of extra weight. Try to enjoy where you are, with the people you love, when you are constantly reminded of something that happened in your past. In many cases, this happens to be a subconscious process that does not reveal itself and lures in the back of our minds. Actively listening to someone becomes almost impossible when you carry all of this weight. And when you don’t listen, you miss out on the beauty of life.

All my life I used to think that forgiving someone for their wrong-doings means allowing them to get away without learning their lesson. In the end, I would come out as the loser and my ego did not like the taste of that. Forgiving meant falling into my fear and being a target for yet another attack. Especially as a man, it was hard for me to forgive anything. Forgiveness opens the door to vulnerability and that was even worse than forgiveness altogether.

At the same time, not forgiving also comes with a few noteworthy implications. I read somewhere that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Well, that wasn’t really what I wanted either. Slowly but surely I started opening up to the idea that it wasn’t about the other person but more so about me!

Forgiveness means closing the door to a painful past and opening another to a powerful future. It means killing the self-limiting story and giving birth to something beautiful and expansive. Sounds much better to me!

So, how does it work then?

The key to forgiving other people lies within you. Before you truly forgive someone else, you need to take a close look inside. Have you forgiven yourself? Are you still beating yourself up for not being perfect or not living your truth?

To me, this is like peeling off the layers of an onion. Every time a layer comes off, there are tears and it requires patience. Over the years I have forgiven pretty much everyone in my life…even though there are still parts of myself that I haven’t fully accepted. Day by day I’m learning to let go of the old more-is-better-mantra and replace it with “I’m whole and complete with all my mistakes and imperfections.” After all, the human element will never be perfect. It will always be messy, colorful and sometimes painful.

Forgiveness to me is a way of life, an art you could say. The artist many times doesn’t know where the brush will lead him/her, yet persists in his/her journey to create something of meaning. When we forgive, we don’t have to see the whole picture. When we forgive, we trust that the journey will take us closer to who we really are deep down.

Having compassion for yourself can be a cure for so many aspects of your life. It lights up the areas for happiness in your brain and that alone tells me it’s a default path to living life fully and consciously.

We don’t have to make living with each other more complicated than it already is. We can start here and now by forgiving our own imperfection and embrace ourselves with kindness and compassion.

Your life is unfolding on the canvas you paint every day. Let it be it messy, let it be dirty and let the path unfold with every detail you create. You are the artist. You are the one holding the key to your own genius. Now is the time to forgive, now is the time to let go and now is the time to embrace your own imperfection.

How you do it? You can practice forgiveness meditation, journal about loving yourself and living in your authentic truth every day(I just learned what that means). This can mean having an open (non-violent) conversation with someone important to you. Whatever path you choose, practice it diligently and give yourself time to learn this wonderful art of empowering your life.

Remember this: Not forgiving someone means giving others control over your emotions. Becoming the powerful you that is hiding behind the limitation of the mind starts with letting go of what isn’t serving you.

You have the power in you. The power to live life to the fullest every day. We’re on this journey together and in unity there is strength.

Much love,

Mario

P.S.: Please share your thoughts below as I would love to learn more about your approach.