The Best Sex I Never Had
By: Beth Singleton
Tags: Life Lessons, Sex, Life, Relationships, Sexuality

The Best Sex I Never Had

I wanted it, but I just couldn’t make it happen

Photo by motortion from Depositphotos

Prior to meeting my husband and getting into a relationship with him, I really wasn’t very sexually experienced.

It was young and reasonably attractive and while I wasn’t some kind of weird horny woman always on the prowl, I was always very open to the idea of sexual encounters with men when they presented themselves.

The problem for me was that they simply didn’t come regularly enough.

When I was a teenager, I basically gave my virginity away to just get it over with and honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I’d lost my V-Card.

The second guy I was with was this stoner loser that I met in university who I couldn’t really call my boyfriend, I’d just turn up at his house, we’d have sex, maybe some pizza, and then I’d do a walk of shame in front of his roommates.

Then I inadvertently stole the virginity of a good Jewish boy who freaked out and dumped me.

Along the way, there was the occasional handjob or blowjob from some random hookup, but nothing worth talking about.

My attitude towards sex was pretty laid back — from my limited experiences, I enjoyed it physically, and I didn’t have any kind of relationship hang-ups, so I was open to the possibilities.

I just didn’t know how to go about putting myself in a position where those opportunities would present themselves in a meaningful way.

Looking back on it, I remember the slight consternation that I had back then about my inability to establish sexual relationships that were “normal” by standards my friends had.

You meet a guy, you feel the attraction, you flirt, you start seeing each other, and you have a reasonably monogamous sexual relationship before moving on to the next person because it wasn’t the right fit.

David, the nice Jewish boy was close to that, but he had his obvious sexual problem around his virginity which kind of destroyed that option, but beyond that, it wasn’t until I’d met Jamie in my third year of school that I’d gotten any kind of “normal” relationship experience.

I wouldn’t say that I was broken, it was just that I am maybe wired a little differently than a lot of women, especially younger ones.

For me, even back then, sex was rather “functional”.

I enjoyed it, didn’t feel like it was something I needed to barter with men for them to enjoy my company, and I grew up in a household where my mother encouraged me to have as much of a sex life as I wanted without shame.

I just wasn’t interested in playing the game, so I never “scored” a goal.

In the summer before I met Jamie, I was pretty sexually and emotionally frustrated by my struggles in the relationship department.

A number of my female friends tried setting me up with friends of their boyfriends and stuff. There was the occasional makeout session and like I said, the odd bit of manual and oral sex, but I really wasn’t feeling it with any of these guys, so I just never threw myself into it.

That summer, I had gotten a job at a conveyancing office helping the woman who owned it keep her paperwork in order. It was a good job for an aspiring commercial lawyer like myself because it dealt with legal and financial documents, and I learned the importance of billable work and being organized with your documentation.

It wasn’t the most mentally engaging work, but it paid reasonably well and it got me out of the house every day which was nice.

I was 21 at the time and still pretty naive.

I wore dresses that weren’t really that revealing, but they were flattering for my body shape which at the time was very thin, small-breasted, but with nice legs and hips.

My mother has an amazing sense of style, so she made she that the dresses I had for work were tight in the top so that the breasts I did have stood out a bit, pinched at the waist to accentuate my hips, and a billowy in the skirt so as I walked, more of my thighs would show off a little.

The thing that I still respect about my mother is that she’s old school — she believes women can dress in a way that suits their body, makes them look good, and thus, feel good about themselves.

The conveyancing office was about 3km from our house, so I would usually just walk to and from work most days. I’d wear running shoes for most of it, but then about a kilometre away I’d grab a coffee and some toast in the morning, so I’d swap into my heels for the last 10 minutes of the walk.

Next door to our office was an auto mechanic repair shop.

It wasn’t a very big place and it didn’t fix a particular model or make of car, it was just this small blue and white building with a garage.

For the first few weeks, I would walk past in the morning and there was a slightly older man sitting in the office and a younger woman my age.

One morning, the young woman smiled and waved at me as I walked past and the next morning, I returned the favor. Both she and the older gentleman stood up, smiled and waved.

The next week, it was a Monday morning, and the older man was standing out front of the garage looking at a car as I walked past.

I said “Hello” and he asked me what I was drinking — I told him it was a latte with full cream milk and one sugar.

“Oh, that’s exactly what I drink, but my daughter, Sophia, she puts some kind of horrible sugar substitute in and makes me drink skim milk.”

As he was describing it, he was waving his hand towards the office, so I assumed Sophia, the young woman I waved at was his daughter.

I smiled, “I’m Beth. What does Sophia drink if she makes you drink fake coffee?”

He came over, wiped his hand on his overalls and extended it for me to shake, “I’m Nikos, lovely to meet you, Beth. She only drinks lemon and honey tea. She wants to be a singer, so she says it’s good for her voice. She says I’m fat, so sugar and full cream milk don’t help me and her mother encourages her.”

Nikos wasn’t fat. He was a normal-sized man in his early 50s, who probably didn’t exercise as much as he should have.

The next morning, when I stopped to grab my coffee and toast, I grabbed a second coffee like mine and a lemon and honey tea.

As I approached the garage, I turned in, walked into the office and handed Nikos the other coffee, “Skim Latte, one Equal.”

I stared into his eyes and he knew right away that I was pulling a fake on his daughter and that he was getting the good stuff.

I then turned towards Sophia who had just gotten off the phone, introduced myself formally, and handed her the tea.

“Oh wow! That’s so kind of you.”

We chatted for a bit and I found out that Sophia was my age and studying to be an accountant. She had a boyfriend who was travelling overseas, but he worked at the garage and wanted to be a mechanic as well.

The next day, I delivered them coffee and tea again, and Sophia said to me, “I made you lunch! Come over and eat when you take a break.”

Around midday, I told my boss I was going for lunch and I made my way to the garage next door. Sophia was wearing gym clothes and she told me that she didn’t really eat lunch and she worked out during the lunch hour, but that I should have lunch in the office with her dad.

Sophia had made a massive lunch of incredible Greek food which is a weakness of mine — I absolutely adore it.

I sat down with Nikos and we hammered into some giros and tabbouleh.

This became a thing.

Every morning, I would bring them coffee and Sophia would make lunch for Nikos and myself.

One day, Nikos said to me, “She’s like her mother, she loves to cook for people, so being able to feed you, Beth, makes her happy. I just wish she’d eat more. I told her, she can be beautiful and skinny like you and eat properly, but she has some of her mother’s genes, so if she eats and doesn’t go to the gym, she gains a bit of weight.”

I laughed, “I can’t gain weight, doesn’t matter how much I eat. Sophia’s so pretty and she seems happy, so it’s working for her.”

Nikos smiled and nodded, “Tim, her boyfriend, he’s a wonderful guy. They’re very happy together.”

Over the next week or two, as I spent more time with Nikos, he shared more of their story with me.

Nikos’ wife had passed away three years earlier from cancer. He said it was very quick from her diagnosis to when she passed and that she didn’t suffer or struggle, “I’m very grateful for that. Sophia didn’t have to see her mother deteriorate and die slowly. She was beautiful and lively, then over the course of two or three days, her organs started to fail and she died. It was merciful.”

Sophia and Tim had been dating since high school. Tim had always shown an interest in cars, so Nikos taught him and gave him a job.

He smiled when he talked about Tim, “He’s like my son now. He and Sophia will take over this place when she graduates and he becomes qualified, and I’ll just be the hired help and live out my life drinking wine and eating olives.”

Tim’s brother had also had a cancer scare the year before. The brothers had grown up having this dream of travelling around Asia and South America together, so when his brother got the all-clear, Tim booked a six month trip for the two of them.

“I think Sophia wanted to go with them, but I told her, this is something they have to do together. She misses him, but he needed to do that with his brother and when he comes back, he’ll be at peace and ready to settle into the life they want to build together.”

Over the weeks that I’d gotten to know Nikos, he talked about being at peace a lot — having that kind of serenity in life was obviously very important to him.

One day, as we were finishing off some bread and cheese at the end of lunch, I asked him about it, “So Nikos, you talk about the importance of being at peace with yourself all the time. How did you learn that this was so important for you?”

He smiled and patted my leg, “Age and experience, Beth. When I was younger, I was ill-tempered and everything went against me. Sophia’s mother told me that if I was happy inside myself, life would be more willing to deal me a good hand and I’d be calm enough to play it.”

Nikos told me how this was the second garage that he had owned. The first one was much larger and he had licenses to provide warranty services for a number of different manufacturers.

“We made a lot of money. Cora (his wife) would run the administration and the books, and I took care of the mechanics and relationships. We had one of the largest warranty repair businesses in Australia.”

But then the manufacturers started cutting in on his business to grow their own bottom lines.

“The more they took from me, the angrier that I became at the world. Cora and I had worked hard, we did right by people, and these corporate suits in America and Europe were taking our success away because they could. I hated them, and increasingly, the relationships became strained.”

One day, when he was just 42 years old, he had chest pains.

“I had a minor heart attack. I was in good shape and we had a healthy Mediterranean diet. The doctors said it was stress-induced.”

Cora made him rethink their life.

“Ironically, she said she wanted to grow old with me and spend our time being grandparents. She never got the chance.”

She gave him a book to read about inner peace.

“I’d not read a book that wasn’t a car manual in probably 20 years, but every night before bed, she refused to make love to me unless I’d read more of the book… so I read the book.”

Nikos and I laughed as he told that part of the story.

They sold their business and then their family home.

“We had a massive house, seven bedrooms. There were three of us, we didn’t need such a big house. We bought it because that’s what Greek people in Australia do when they have success, we build big houses.”

He and Cora went into retirement in their mid-40s.

“I got bored in six months. I tried golf, woodworking, and making jigsaw puzzles, but then I bought a used car from a neighbour and rediscovered my passion for fixing cars.”

Nikos said they bought a small garage from a deceased estate and they started again, right back at the beginning, “Just Cora and I, in the office, every morning. She would order parts and make sure bills got paid, and I would be out getting my hands dirty replacing alternators or fixing transmissions.”

He smiled as he told the story, “We had achieved peace again.”

They had agreed not to hire any staff, not to sign any exclusive deals with carmakers, and to just advertise locally, “Surprisingly, local mechanics do pretty well. People still like the idea of someone in the neighbourhood being able to fix their car for them.”

When Cora took ill, her doctors told her very quickly that her cancer was terminal and that they expected her to have maybe six months, so she should get her affairs in order.

“I said I wanted to sell or close the garage, I didn’t think I wanted to do it without her.”

Tim had been dating Sophia for a couple of years at this point and had started working part-time with Nikos and Cora.

“One night, over dinner, Cora asked Tim and Sophia if they wanted the garage one day. We’d not discussed it and I’d not even considered it. They both knew that Cora didn’t have very long left, and after a short discussion, Tim said that would make him very happy.”

Nikos said how in that moment, he’d come to a sense of inner peace about his wife’s eventual passing. He knew that when she was gone, he had a plan to follow — get Tim qualified, help Sophia finish school, and then work with them to take over the business from him.

The whole time he told the story you could see the serenity in his eyes — it made him content to know that he had a purpose and that he was fulfilling what he and his wife had wanted.

I found myself increasingly infatuated with Nikos. He was unlike any man I’d spent time with, he was an adult male with depth and experience.

I remember one evening, finding myself in the shower and I was masturbating. This wasn’t something I did much at that age, but I remember realizing that I was thinking of Nikos touching me with his strong, weathered hands and passionately sucking at my neck.

It was a strange feeling.

I was sexually excited, but his age and the nature of our relationship just made me slightly uncomfortable with the idea that I was fantasizing about him.

He was 52 and I was not even 22, I’d never considered being a with a man almost my father’s age.

The problem with families from people who are Greek or Italian as many of you know is that they tend to be very affectionate people, so as the days had turned into weeks of me seeing Nikos and Sophia every morning, and then spending every lunch hour with him, I would be greeted with hugs and kisses on the cheek.

That morning after the shower incident, I remember bringing Nikos his coffee (Sophia was away for a few days), and as I walked into their office, Nikos put his arm around my shoulder giving me a squeeze and an electric shock went through my whole body — it took every ounce of strength I had not to go weak in the knees.

I quickly made my way out of the garage and over to my own office — my cheeks were warm and I felt flushed.

Lunch was slightly uncomfortable for me. I’d considered pulling the chute and suggesting that I had work, but I realized that if I gave myself that excuse then it would snowball.

I needed to learn how to control myself and get these feelings in check.

But let’s be honest, looking back on it, young Beth wanted Nikos and didn’t know how to go about it.

I walked in, he walked around behind me and rubbed my neck briefly asking me how my morning was as he grabbed some food out of the bar fridge they had in the office.

We ate and I was awkwardly silent. Every time I opened my mouth to speak the words caught in my throat.

I left and went back to my office and felt bad all afternoon.

When 5:30pm rolled around, I slipped on my running shoes and headed home.

Walking past the garage, I could see that the roller door was closed, but office light was still on. Normally, Nikos and Sophia closed at 4pm and went home, so it was unusual to see the light still on.

I made my way over to the office and as I walked in, I said, “Knock Knock” to announce myself.

Nikos was sitting behind his desk with a mountain of papers around him, his glasses sitting on his forehead.

“Late night, Nikos?”

He seemed startled and somewhat flustered, “Oh, hi Beth! Yes, I’m trying to catch up on some paperwork and I can’t find my glasses.”

I smiled, “Check your forehead.”

He reached up, closed his eyes and shook his head while mumbling something in Greek that I assumed was a curse word.

“Sophia has been away for the last week and a half visiting my sister in Melbourne. I left the paperwork, but things are piling up. I kind of understood Cora’s system, but Sophia uses the computer more, I don’t know how that stuff works, and I’m struggling to even figure out where things are.”

I put my bag down without thinking, “Here, let me help. I’m good with computers and I spend my day doing paperwork.”

We called Sophia on the phone and she walked me through creating an invoice and explained her filing system briefly.

I called my parents and told them I’d be late.

“Ok, Nikos, let’s crack into this work.”

For the next four hours, Nikos and I created invoices from work orders, I receipted parts that had arrived so that Sophia knew to pay them when she got back, and I figured out how Sophia’s paper tray system worked and I cleared the mountain of papers from Nikos’ desk.

By 9:30pm, he had clearly had enough whereas I was running on adrenalin and having fun.

“Beth, would you like some dinner? I am starving. Do you eat pizza?”

I laughed, who doesn’t eat pizza?

We sat around and he cracked out a bottle of red wine that he sitting on his shelf, “A client gave this to me for fixing his vintage Jag last year. I had a part machine ground to fit it and nobody else would touch it. It’s a pretty expensive bottle of wine from what Sophia said.”

I smiled as he filled my glass, “I deserve nothing but the best.”

He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder, “I agree.”

Electric shocks again.

I’d forgotten about that while I was lost in the work, but now that we were relaxed and it was just he and I, the butterflies in my stomach came back.

We chatted and the pizza arrived before too long, as we ate, Nikos said to me, “You never talk about having a boyfriend, Beth. Are you single?”

I didn’t miss a beat, “No, I like girls.”

I was of course kidding, but Nikos almost choked on his pizza, “Oh, my God, I’m sorry to insult you… I didn’t know.”

I laughed out loud, “No, no… Nikos! I was kidding! No, I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m not really great around guys for some reason.”

He laughed, “I’m relieved, I thought I had made a faux pas. I think you’re probably more mature than most of the men your age which probably makes it hard.”

I took a sip of my wine and said, “I suppose I should focus on older men.”

My comment kind of hung out there.

After a few seconds of contemplating it, he nodded, “I can see that. Most older men would be very keen to have a beautiful young and smart woman like you on their arm.”

My heart skipped a beat when he said I was beautiful.

He stood up and started collecting the pizza box and the paper plates to begin cleaning up. I picked up the glasses and followed him towards the back half of the office where they had a small kitchenette with a sink.

“I’ll wash up the glasses.”

He threw out the boxes and I grabbed some detergent sitting next to the sink and gave the glasses a quick wash.

As I put the first glass down, Nikos reached for it and I put my hand of top of his.

My hand sat there for a second before he turned his over and squeezed my hand lightly.

I turned towards him and went in for a kiss.

Nikos didn’t move as I pressed my lips against his — I stood there kissing him and panic washed over me… Had I overstepped?

A second later, he reached up and his strong, rough, weathered hand grasped my lower jaw as he began to kiss me back.

Within a second, Nikos had me pinned against the sidewall of the kitchenette and his body pressing hard against me.

Every nerve in my body was firing and the sensation was intense.

We kissed for what seemed like an eternity and then he moved his hand up under my dress. I sighed briefly as fumbled with my cotton panties, trying at first to slide them down with one hand before he settled on just sliding his hand in through the leg hole.

I felt his strong fingers brushing against my trimmed pubic hair and grazing my clitoris.

He broke our kiss and breathed into my ear, “Spread your legs.”

I did as I was told and Nikos slid his index and middle fingers inside of me swiftly. His hands were strong and nimble, I shuddered as he probed me inside. He moved his thumb over my clit and began to rub it.

I was in ecstasy.

I struggled to focus on kissing him as he worked my pussy over.

Before long, I was on the cusp of orgasm and had stopped kissing him to just be able to breathe.

He whispered in my ear, “Let go… Release.”

He nuzzled my neck like I had fantasized about the night before in my shower and that was it for me, I moaned, sighed, and writhed against his hand, pinned to the wall by his weight and strength. I pressed downwards as hard as I could, wanting his fingers fully inside me.

As I was cumming, he’s whispering in my ear, “Beautiful. That’s wonderful. Let it go, Beth. Enjoy yourself.”

That made it even hotter.

With my orgasm subsiding, I kissed him passionately again and grabbed his hand to keep it inside me. I didn’t want him to stop fingering me.

He didn’t. He read my intent.

I reached down and ran my hand over his crotch, feeling his bulge through his overalls. I squeezed and stroked him from the outside.

Nikos reached up with his free hand and unzipped his overalls and I immediately slid my hand inside.

He was wearing a t-shirt and linen boxers underneath his overalls. As I ran my hand over his bulge, I found the open hole in his boxers and managed to free his cock.

It was on the larger size of my experiences with penises to that point and I could feel that he was circumcised.

I began to stroke him slowly with my hand.

He stopped for a second and pulled away from me. He quickly removed his arms from his overalls and they fell to the floor around his ankles.

I took the opportunity to reach down and slide my panties off from under my dress.

In a blink, Nikos was back against me, his fingers buried within my pussy and kissing me deeply.

I had assumed he had dropped his overalls because he wanted to move on to fucking me, but he had obviously just wanted to free himself a bit so that I had better access to his cock.

It didn’t matter, because I wanted him to fuck me.

I began pulling his cock towards my rubbing it against my leg and waiting for him to move his hand away so I could guide him inside me, but he didn’t.

I’d cum again by this stage and I wanted him, so I decided to drop down and suck his cock to get him more in the mood to fuck.

I knelt on the floor in front of him and took his cock in my mouth. As I said, it was slightly larger than what I was used to and I could taste pre-cum on the tip from the moment I ran my tongue over it. Nikos was a bit of a leaker, my hand had gotten a bit sticky from just stroking him, so I wasn’t surprised to taste it right away.

He groaned as I took him into my mouth and as I sucked him I could hear him sighing words like, “That’s wonderful. Your mouth is so soft. Lovely.”

It didn’t take long. I could sense he was going to cum and he told me, “Beth, I am going to finish, do you want me to take it out?”

I leaned into it and began sucking him and stroking his balls harder and faster.

Nikos sighed, “Oh yes, please don’t stop” as the first strands of his cum landed on my tongue.

He came a lot and I swallowed it all. I wasn’t the biggest fan of giving blow jobs, but I enjoyed the feeling of making a man cum in my mouth and swallowing his load, there’s something very rewarding in that for me.

As he finished, he took a small step back and I stood up.

He looked at me and said, slightly out of breath, “That was incredible. Thank you so much.”

I kind of chuckled awkwardly, “You’re welcome, and thank you.”

Nikos began putting his penis back inside his boxers and reached down to pull up his overalls.

I guess we were finished. I wanted him to fuck me, but apparently that was not on the cards.

I had enjoyed it immensely, but I would be lying if I said I was a little disappointed in not having Nikos inside me.

We pulled ourselves together and he offered me a ride home. In fact, he insisted because it was very late and he said it wasn’t appropriate for young women to walk alone at night.

He closed up his office and we hopped in his car.

As we pulled up out front of my house, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, “Thank you again, Beth. I had a lovely evening.”

I smiled, gave him a quick peck on the lips and hopped out of his car.

The next morning, I couldn’t think of anything but the night before as I walked to work and picked up our coffees.

How would I play this with Nikos? Would I just be cool like nothing happened or had our relationship changed?

When I arrived at the garage, Nikos was with a customer overlooking the engine of an older car, so I waved and left his coffee on his desk. I could feel the eyes of the other man staring at me from behind, but Nikos had been his usual “at peace” self.

All morning, I struggled to focus, and when lunchtime arrived, I shot out the door and practically sprinted to the garage.

Nikos was in the office waiting for me with containers of food and plates already laid out.

When I walked in and took a seat, he immediately closed the door behind me.

“Beth, I need to discuss last night.”

I nodded and said that I’m glad he wanted to talk about it.

“It was incredible and the idea of an old man being with a beautiful young woman like you is something I can’t even begin to think about.”

I wasn’t super experienced, but I felt a “but” coming on here and it didn’t take too long.

“That was the first time since my wife passed that I’d been with a woman. I’ve not even been on a date. In truth, despite Sophia encouraging me, I have always felt that the intimate part of my life died with Cora.”

I nodded, “I understand.”

I was lying, I didn’t. I had no comprehension of the depth of emotion and commitment that Nikos had to his wife. There was nothing in my personal life experience to allow me to understand that.

“I wanted so much last night to make love to you properly, but I felt uncomfortable. Touching you, feeling you, and having you feel me, I couldn’t stop that, but I knew in my heart that it was impossible to make love to you like a man should with such a beautiful, desirable woman.”

I smiled and nodded, more confused than before.

“It felt like I was cheating on her and I couldn’t do it. But then when you took me into your mouth, I was too weak to say no, I wanted it too much. I feel horrible, like I used you, took advantage of you, and betrayed the memory of my wife at the same time.”

I reached out and put my hand on his thigh, “Hey, you didn’t take advantage of me, I wanted it. I kissed you, remember? I tried to pull you inside of me. You were a gentleman the whole time. I enjoyed every minute of it, it was really nice.”

He smiled and patted my hand, “Thank you, you’re very kind. I had an amazing time as well. I just wanted you to know how I felt, why I refused to make love to you properly like you deserved, and I’m glad you understand why I can’t do that again.”

The last part hit me like a bombshell, I wasn’t expecting that. I figured we might take it slow, go at a different pace, build up to having sex.

But no, there would be no sex.

“Sure, I understand… I appreciate your honesty and sincerity.”

I lied. I didn’t understand and I hated his honesty. I wanted him to lie to me and himself so that he could fuck me.

He looked me in the eye, I could sense his sadness, “I would understand if you didn’t want to visit us anymore, Beth. I would explain to Sophia that I crossed a line with you.”

“Nikos, don’t be silly. I love spending time with you and Sophia. We had a nice time and things got carried away. We enjoyed ourselves, but we’ll leave it there. We can pretend like nothing happened and just carry on as normal.”

The reality was that I was starting school again in less than a month and I would have to go out of my way to see Nikos and Sophia, so it wasn’t going to be too difficult to manage the situation.

I was disappointed, but as the day wore on, I understood and appreciated his situation — I respected him for how honestly and openly he dealt with it.

Over the next few weeks, things proceeded as they had done for the two months prior — I’d bring them coffee and tea in the morning, we’d chat, and Nikos and I would have lunch.

Tim came home and Nikos and Sophia invited me over for dinner to meet him and say goodbye because I was going back to school.

Their house was a shrine to Cora, I gained an understanding of Nikos’ feelings towards his wife. I respected it, but deep down, I resented it a little — this dead woman was keeping me from having what I wanted.

Over the years, I kept in touch with Sophia and would occasionally drop into the garage to see her, Tim, and Nikos.

I went to their wedding and brought my fiance, Jamie (my husband). I remember introducing Jamie to Nikos and looking on as Nikos sized him up.

At the reception, Nikos came over to me quietly, “Does he make you happy, Beth?”

I smiled and kissed his cheek, “Yes, he’s a good man.”

Nikos kissed my forehead, “You deserve it.”

I was pregnant about seven years ago with my youngest daughter when I got a text message from Sophia to tell me that Nikos had passed away. He’d had a stroke while he slept and when he didn’t turn up for work, she went to his place and found him.

Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, but I found Nikos’ death really hard to navigate emotionally. At the funeral, I cried real tears.

Sophia came over to me and we chatted.

I wiped away a tear, “He was only 60. That’s just too young.”

Sophia hugged me, “I know, it’s hard to believe.”

I decided to lighten the mood, “Sophia, I have something to tell you.”

She smiled, “I know.”

I was a bit surprised, “I was going to say that I would put full cream milk and one sugar in his coffee and say that it was skim and Equal.”

She covered her mouth and tried to stifle a laugh, “Oh my God! I thought you were going to tell me about “the evening” that you and he had.”

I was mortified and embarrassed, I could feel my cheeks turning red, “Uh, no… It was just about the coffee.”

She hugged me tightly, buried her face in my shoulder and laughed hysterically, using my shoulder as cover so nobody could see.

Sophia pulled me into the pantry off her kitchen and closed the door, “Oh my God, Beth, I’m so sorry for embarrassing you!”

She laughed as she said it.

“I didn’t know that you knew.”

Sophia hugged me again, “After you had your first daughter, I told him. We had just had dinner and he was staying at our place, he’d had a few grappas. He said that you were the one who got away from him.”

She said that Tim had asked him what he meant because they thought Nikos had just had a crush on me.

“He said that you and he one night had been somewhat intimate but that he wasn’t able to make love to you because of my mother.”

I was so embarrassed.

“I didn’t really believe him, I thought it was just an old man’s fantasies, but when I mentioned it, you looked like someone had punched you in the gut, so I knew it was true.”

She laughed and I chuckled uncomfortably.

“Oh my God, Beth! He was so stupid! I remember saying to him, “Baba, if you had a chance to be happy with a beautiful woman, Mama would have wanted you to do that” but I didn’t believe him. You know he never dated or anything after my mother died. I tried so hard to get him to meet another woman and have a good life, but he couldn’t.”

I nodded, “I know… I really tried.”

We both laughed together.

“Oh Beth, that makes me so happy hearing that. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

Sophia and I are still “Facebook Friends” and because we live in adjacent suburbs, once every year or so we bump into each other buying groceries or at the local shop.

Every time I see her, I think of bringing Nikos a full cream and one sugar latte, and missing out on the sex I really wanted.