On handing our control over to others. Why would we do that? On not giving yourself permission to begin. Will you please begin already!?
By: Jeffrey Bonkiewicz
Tags: Coaching, Goal Setting, Executive Coaching, Psychology, Behavior Change

When we don’t choose with intent on who we want to become today, we give control over to other people. We hand our hours over to others, and what they have planned for them isn’t too important. It may be to them — they’ll even sell it to you like it is urgent, urgent, urgent! It isn’t. No. Nope. It isn’t life or death. No one’s dying from their request. They’re just attention starved like everyone else. Everyone’s dying from lack of attention, the children, the adults, the pseudo authority figures, the teens, the elderly, all of us, together. It’s funny how lack of attention coupled with a sea of distraction tends to snow us all in. Then, we get the Cabin Fever, and we are chock-full of that, too!

How to get your customers to hate you.

Lack of focus on the things that matter for us is exactly like the big, dumb wireless company that prides itself on its front-line service workers yet has completely awful customer service. Having terrible customer service is a great way to get your customers to hate you! And to tell 50 other people near them about how terrible your customer service is! The irony is palpable while they give themselves awards internally while angry customers fume on the phone, online and in-person. We, too, are too busy focusing in on how great we are or aren’t while comparing ourselves and our lives to peoples’ supposed pristine lives on social media. (No one’s real life is that pristine. I promise. Go ask the Real Housewives of Cocksackie, NY.)

Most of us don’t give ourselves permission to begin.

I hammer a lot about hammering a lot on Creative projects. It is your art that defines you. It is the stuff you make with your hands & genuine voice that determine your prolific output. It is the things you do for their own sake because you’re focused on making better things to make a better world. We’re all capable. We all have knowledge. We can all creatively express ourselves.

It’s just that most of us don’t give ourselves permission to even begin. To even begin! We’ve lost before we left the gate. Damn shame.

Thus, goes our permission-first culture.

By waiting for permission that never comes at work, at home, at school, we stymie ourselves, squashing our own Creative dreams while continuing to play small. Aren’t you tired of playing small all the time? Aren’t you tired of holding back!? Don’t you feel like you have a lot more to give, to create, to share, to teach? If you do, then why don’t you do something about it!? Get the hell outta your own way and GO do those things! Be those things. Take the dang action! Take back your power! Lead with intention. Focus on who you want to become.

On Productivity Trainings. Here we go again. Adrift in Distraction.

If we zoom up and out in our SR-71 and fly over all Productivity trainings, we discover that they’re quite similar in style and teaching as exercise & diet programs are. They’re teaching you the same things they always have, like time management, like prioritization, like writing a Not to do list. It’s not new. In fact, a lot of it is totally 80’s, and that’s OK! Only let’s stop pretending we don’t know what to do! Just like exercise and False Evidence Appearing Real (I know, I know), this is not a matter of not knowing what to do! No. We know what to do — we just aren’t doing it! More education is not the solution. Nope. We aren’t that lost. We’re just adrift in distraction. Often lost. Rarely focused on the right things for long.

The irony of Productivity Trainings.

I’m not mocking the Productivity trainings. They are a product for a hungry, distracted, exhausted market. The irony is that the distraction levels are so high these days that most of the training’s takers will NOT finish the dang training! They’re too busy in a meeting! Or, on social media checking in!

It is exactly like the people who need the advanced communication training the most are not in the room! The people who need the gym trainer are stuck at home under couch arrest, binging Netflix while mindlessly scrolling IG. You know who you are! I see you! Hey, somebody’s gotta challenge your slovenly behavior. Why not me? Leadership & coaching = challenge.

Why aren’t we going after what we say we want? Are we not true to our values? What matters the most today? How will we know today has been a success at the end of it? What would be more productive than living this day according to our values vs. living this day adrift in our normal sea of distraction?

What is it you want?

###