You Are Not Alone While Battling Perfectionism
By: Nikki K Williams
Tags: Self Improvement, This Happened To Me, Personal Development, Perfectionism, Mistakes

Photo by Hernan Sanchez on Unsplash

Are you a perfectionist? Hey, me too! And you know what? I’m here to tell you it’s okay to make mistakes. You don’t need to beat yourself up because you baked the pie a smidge too long. You don’t need to get all shook up because you messed up at work. You don’t need to stress about the typo in your recently published article. Sound familiar? You are not alone. We all have imperfections. The key is not to reject them, but rather to embrace them.

Making the Team

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I’d like to share a personal story with you. When I was a sophomore in high school I made the dance team. There were two different squads: junior varsity and varsity. I became a part of the junior varsity squad. I was super nervous yet super proud of myself. You see, I never took a dance class in my life. I just legitimately loved to dance. All in all, the year ended up being super fun and laid back. It was the next year when things went haywire.

After a great year of the junior varsity world, I tried out for the varsity squad. The dance was much more technical than I anticipated, but I worked hard to get it right. My efforts paid off because a letter arrived in the mail indicating I had made the team. I couldn’t believe it. Me? I made the varsity squad? When my initial shock wore off, my mother and I celebrated by jumping up and down in the kitchen. Needless to say, I was on top of the world.

Self-Sabotage

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You are probably wondering what went wrong. Well, as the year progressed, I found I compared myself to the other dancers all the time. These girls lived and breathed dance their entire lives. Who was I compared to them? Self-defeating thoughts began to plague me.

You got lucky making this team.

You are never going to dance in the front row.

This dance move is too difficult for you.

Nobody even likes you anyway.

Pretty brutal huh? I guess you can imagine what happened next. The annual state dance competition took place. Our dance captain choreographed this amazing pom routine. It felt like we rehearsed day and night. I enjoyed the dance and it was one of my favorites to perform. Regardless, I was about to experience one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Showtime!

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The day of the state competition arrived. Costumes were on. Make-up looked good. Poms were in hand. I took a deep breath and took my place in line. The music started and I plastered a smile on my face because that is what a performer does. Everything was fine at first. Then it happened. There was a part in the routine where we had to shift one pom to the other hand. When I went to make the transfer the pom bounced off my hand and dropped to the floor. Horror took me over. The show had to go on though. So, I picked up the pom and continued the routine.

Dropping your pom during a state competition meant major point penalties. There was no way the team would place now. I felt like I had let everyone down. I felt so bad I told our team captain what happened. She stared at me for a bit and I could see the disappointment all over her face. Ultimately, all she said was, “It’s okay.” To this day, I’m grateful she didn’t scream at me.

Downward Spiral

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Shortly after, we listened to a recording of a critique a judge gave about the performance. I’ll never forget when I heard “Oh, someone dropped their pom.” My teammates slowly turned their heads in my direction. Embarrassment filled my body and my face turned beet red. I wanted to crawl under my chair and cry.

Tryouts rounded the corner fast. I didn’t make the varsity squad again. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. I rehearsed. I danced. I smiled. I thought since I already danced on varsity I solidified my spot. Sadly, that didn’t end up being the case. I received another letter in the mail stating “Congratulations! You made the junior varsity squad!” Yup, you read that right. I leveled down. Or at least I saw it like that.

I chose not to take part in dance during my final year of high school. Instead, I spent time in complete solitude. I told myself the junior varsity squad wasn’t good enough for me. Yet, when I was on the varsity squad, I told myself I wasn’t good enough for it. To me, the varsity squad represented perfection. I deemed myself unworthy because I made one silly mistake. To be honest, we performed another dance in the same competition where we took third place. I didn’t celebrate the win though. I focused on the moment where I dropped a silver pom-pom on the damn ground.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

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Perfectionism isn’t an easy habit to break. There are some fantastic ways to cope though. Here are a few pointers I have learned along the way:

Embrace Your Imperfections

You are one of a kind. No one else on this planet is YOU. Use that to your advantage. Our imperfections make us unique. Be authentic and stand in your power knowing full well you are worth it.

Never Ever Dwell

Don’t focus on what you did wrong. Choose to set your sights on the good in your world. If you do this, your mind becomes reconditioned to not obsess about the problems.

They Said What?!

Harsh criticism may show up in your life. Don’t let it bother you. The only opinion of yourself that matters is YOUR own. You live with yourself every single day. Be gentle with yourself and ignore the naysayers.

Get out of Your Own Way

If you are like me, this can be a hard concept to grasp. Sometimes we need to get out of our own way. Don’t miss out on amazing opportunities because you can’t get over the mistakes you made. Acknowledge the mistake. Learn from it. Let it go. Rinse and repeat.

Final Thoughts

I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I chose to claim my spot on the junior varsity team. Perhaps it would have been the best year of my life. Perhaps not. I’m a big advocate of living with no regrets though. At the time, I did the best I could with the current circumstances. This is one of many instances in my life where I came face to face with perfectionism. Have I completely let it go? No. Am I working on it? Yes. And that is all that matters.