A Millennial Women’s Experience of Love
By: Marlie P. Park
Tags: Romance, Growing Up, Life

Dating these days - Phew! It’s begun to feel a bit like a maze. It’s full of these twists and turns I never remotely imagined possible. Euphoric highs are often partnered with depressing lows and managing myself in this environment is something that I have only recently begun to learn how to navigate.

Growing up, just like many girls, I dreamt that my romantic life would be easy and effortless. — Something I thought my career would be as well. Boy, I don’t think I could have ever foreseen how wrong as I was on both counts.

On days like today, I think back to the first time I fell in love. My body is physically sat on my couch. Curled up into a ball, writing on my laptop with my little Scottish Terrier sat by my side to keep me company. My mind is elswhere. It’s taking a trip down mem

Sometimes. like today, I think back to the first time I fell in love. My body is physically sat on my couch, curled up into a ball writing on my laptop with my dog by my side to keep me company but my mind is taking a trip down memory lane.

I distinctly remember the person I first fell in love with. The type of love that consumes you and electrifies every fiber of your being. This person taught me what it means to truly accept someone for who they are. The bad, the good, and everything in between. This person was a classmate during high school. We were never in a romantic relationship but my friendship with this person taught me about what I needed most in a partnership.

I thought I wanted a never-ending state of fireworks in my soul. Someone to have an adventure with. The funny thing is, it took me many more years later to realize that what I desperately craved was the exact opposite. I loved this person for exactly who he is. In fact, I still do. He continues to be a strong presence in my life and I am lucky to count him as one of my closest friends.

Fast forward to the present time and I’ve become dependent on a little metal device that my hand is constantly found permanently attached to. Swiping mindlessly left or right on an app, this is how I have begun looking for a potential mate like so many other women in big concrete jungles.

I keep coaxing myself that if I use dating sites for just one more day then maybe I can find the person I’m meant to be with. Alas, it seems that this is not what fate had in mind for me. The man I’m most currently interested in? A Mexcian-transplant lawyer who is interested in nothing but easy, casual sex. What is worse? That I so willingly give it to him despite knowing that I yearn for more.

When I met the Mexican lawyer for the first time, I was quickly enamored. He was funny, good-looking and a joy to be around. He mirrored so many of the same qualities I found in my first love. Given the opportunity, I would’ve gladly started dating him but that would make like too easy! Instead, I constantly torture myself by engaging in a never-ending feedback loop of easy pleasure.

Despite not having my life together yet, all I want sometimes is a partner to face challenges with. I can live alone and have many times. Yet given the option, I will always run towards the option of having somebody. I am not a love expert nor do I claim to be one. I’m still a 23 year old trying to figure life out. What I do know is that there is someone out there for me and I cannot wait to meet them someday.