Why Are We Afraid of Joy?
By: Intisar Seraaj
Tags: Fear, Psyche, Collective Consciousness, Healing, Joy

By Intisar Seraaj

Photo by nappy from Pexels

“I’m unafraid of my joy.” That was one of my affirmations during the night of the winter solstice, as my sisters and I sat in a circle sharing affirmations and repeating after one another. My eldest sister responded, “Oh, wow! That was deep. That’s kind of scary.”

Why are we afraid of our own joy? We’re too afraid to dance in the grocery store if a bop is playing. We’re shy to laugh too loudly in fear we’ll annoy someone. We’re afraid to tell someone exactly how much we admire or love them (and that’s why so many of us are upset when someone dies or exists in our lives because we’ve left things unsaid). It’s unusual in current society to express your joy. But there’s a difference between normal and natural. Expressing feral joy isn’t normal in many cultures but it is absolutely natural. As babies, we laugh in our sleep, we chuckle when others laugh to join in on that celebration of joy, and we giggle at the most ridiculous things. As babies, we’re at our most natural, before anyone has had a chance to taint or mold our innate way of being. So, joy is unquestionably natural.

Sunday afternoon, as I was driving home to Alabama — a place, for me, where it’s hard to hold onto my joy — I had a conversation about joy with my friend Megan. She talked about this intense surge of joy she experienced weeks ago during her birthday. She pampered herself with rest, a pedicure and manicure, and exquisite food. Self-care is a form of rest and definitely a component of joy. There’s an Instagram account dedicated to the ministry of naps as a form of resistance and reparations. I don’t know about you but being well-rested brings me joy.

Megan said she was afraid of all of the joy she was experiencing. I told her I don’t think it’s the actual joy she was afraid of. Yes, some of us are unaccustomed to it and so it feels foreign to our bodies. Yet, I think it’s more so about the fear of losing that joy. Some of us are suspicious when joy seems to last too long. We’re afraid to get comfortable with joy because — especially for people of color around the world — most of us don’t see joy as a birthright. But remember, joy is naturally innate. Some of us are just getting comfortable using the term “birthright” in real-time because we came from a people who’ve had to claw, fight, and pray for everything they had. (Heavy on the prayer — don’t forget that.)

Because of our ancestors’ struggle to survive, most of us didn’t inherit even a sense of entitlement to joy, let alone actual tangible happiness. We grew up hearing things like “happiness is fleeting” and “don’t get too comfortable.” Nevertheless, our ancestors and many people today had/have a hard time just providing for themselves in the present, so setting aside abundance and joy for future generations has been only a dream for many of us. So, we’re having these conversations now about healing intergenerational trauma, patterns and curses, and creating and generational wealth. Yet, nobody is talking about multigenerational joy.

Photo by RF._.studio from Pexels

When generational wealth is mentioned, it’s referring to financial legacy. But wealth can be a multitude of things. To me, wealth is not only an abundance of money but it’s also good holistic health (mind, body, and spirit). Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Wealth is not in having many possessions. Rather, true wealth is the richness of the soul.”

I’m very much in the mindset now that the more gratitude we express, the more abundance we receive — even if it’s just a mental awakening to the abundance we already have. What would happen if we practiced daily gratitude? What would happen if we reveled in the pieces of joy you already had? What if we opened ourselves to receive more joy? What if we accepted those opportunities for joy and fully enjoyed every moment? Don’t be afraid. Repeat after me, “I’m unafraid of my joy.”