Reckless Life (Ch. 10)
By: Sean Scott
Tags: Colorado, Hiking, Family, Moms

There are certain moments in time that shift your life in dramatic ways. Sometimes they propel you forward on the path you are already walking, heightening your purpose and sense of now. Sometimes they throw you in another car traveling in the opposite direction, barreling towards the unknown. They can build walls around your heart or open it to greater and deeper love. Whatever they do, however they show up, it deeply moves you for better or worse.

The timing of these shifts are often unexpected. We tend to generalize and say it’ll happen during the teenage years or midlife, and it may, but often it does not. Life is a pro at keeping you on your toes, the ultimate knuckle baller.

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I’ve always lived somewhat unorthodox in approach. Driven by a deep and consistent conviction, I made choices and sacrifices that kept me in line with that. It wasn’t always good, best or easiest, but in retrospect, they all made sense as I held tight to the same rope no matter what trail I was on, one foot in front of the other.

But then mom died. Way too young. The picture I had for life was unfolding just as I’d hoped . . . and then it wasn’t. The paint on the canvas smeared and irreparable.

The brutal beast took her, slowly, as I watched helpless. That seismic shift cracked me open to my inner most depths. The caverns of loss revealed new diamonds that were now unearthed. Raw and uncut but still diamonds nonetheless. Her loss brought clarity and resolve that further helped cut through the darkness.

What are you doing?

Why are you doing it?

Don’t waste a moment!!

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Wandering the Red Mountains of Colorado, exploring the abandoned mining town, feeling the ghosts of isolation past, I once again felt the memory of mom whisper in my ear. She always seemed to delight in my unsymmetrical life but I knew it wasn’t for her. She was grounding for me. I thought of how she would react to this road trip across America while in the middle of a pandemic. I could see her smile, raise her eyebrows and say, “That’s Seanie! You just never know! He loves an adventure. He always has a reason though.” I’m sure she would have called numerous times and commented on my notes each day, praying that we make it home safe.

But as she spoke to me on that mountain, while I watched the kids stumble through buildings long empty, with the awe only children possess, I could feel her warmth of affirmation. I’m sure she would tell me to make trips like this even when it doesn’t seem right because tomorrow is not promised. Her death brought into even sharper focus my desire to live a life full and without regret. One that seizes the moment, that leads my family on journeys and roads less traveled. That writes stories on their hearts and brands love on their tongue.

Some might say it was a reckless decision. I agree! The mountains, valleys, canyons and fields showed up in wild, mighty, beautiful and reckless ways. I hope that my children felt recklessly loved over the 6300 miles as we snuggled in tents, cabins and motels. I hope they gained another piece to their foundation, made of reckless courage, to step out in ways others may not understand throughout their life.

My hope is that they saw, and see everyday, that living a life in reckless pursuit is the only one worth living.

I love you mom! Thanks for spending time with us on the trip.