3 Reasons Why I’m Taking My Boyfriend To Couples Therapy
By: Alexandra Kaniaris
Tags: Therapy, Mental Health, Love, Relationships

My boyfriend and I have been in individual therapy throughout all two and a half years of our relationship. During that time we’ve moved to a new city, brought three wonderful pets into our home, consolidated finances, started grad school, and survived 2020— all while debating our future together. After being friends for years, our romantic relationship has progressed quickly. It might seem like the next step in our relationship would be to get engaged. But, it’s not. Instead we’re choosing a couples therapist and here’s why:

1. We’re Both Doing The Individual Work

I can imagine that many people who work with a relationship counselor can attest that individual therapy is a great starting point for couples counseling. I have found that having a grasp on my own thoughts and emotions improves communication with my partner. In the past, when there was an obstacle that we couldn’t iron out between the two of us, he has brought me into an individual session with his therapist. At the time it was nerve wracking, because it felt like a total infringement of his space. In the end, it was one of my favorite things we’ve experienced as a couple. Individual therapy is just that — individual to the person — but feeling confident in your needs is generally helpful in communicating within meaningful relationships.

2. We Want To Have The Best Possible Future Relationship

Couples therapy has been on our list since we started dating. We were on our first vacation in our Chicago AirBnb when abruptly he said, “I hope we can be in relationship counseling one day.” I was caught super off guard and immediately became defensive — “what do you anticipate will be so wrong with us in the future that we would need to be in therapy?” And to be fair, I had never had a partner who was motivated to be in individual treatment, let alone suggest that we try it together. This is where being in individual therapy came in, because it was not until I worked with my own psychologist that I realized what being in couples therapy could mean for a relationship. Being in couples therapy shows a commitment to your relationship; commitment towards improving communication, a willingness to be vulnerable, and an opportunity to work on yourself. The thought of having intimate conversations with an intermediary present can be daunting, and it can also be an opportunity to give your relationship the best possible platform to launch from.

3. We Want To Take Our Time

I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be psyched if my boyfriend proposed. I mean, I want to be with him for a lifetime, but that doesn’t mean that marriage is the clear choice for us right now. I’ve experienced past relationships where there was pressure to take the next step and it was truly disastrous. I tell my girlfriends who anticipate a proposal to not take this time for granted, use it as a time to set yourself up for success. Through working with my psychologist I’ve learned how to better manage my relationships and be more assertive about my needs. And personally, my boyfriend and I are not there yet. We may be working towards a life together, but what good is that life if it’s not sustainable? For us, couples therapy is our next step in better understanding ourselves within the greater context of our relationship.