My Son And I Argued Christmas Day
By: Carol Lennox
Tags: Relationships, This Happened To Me, Humor, Mental Health, Parenting

THIS HAPPENED TO ME

My Son And I Argued Christmas Day

He’s the only person who can still trigger me.

Photo by Grafierende on Unsplash

We didn’t argue politics, or race, or gender, or conspiracy theories. We agree on all that. The argument was about him going with me to see holiday lights. He had promised.

Silly reason to argue? Of course. Did it bring up every reason we’ve ever argued? Every trauma and disappointment? Again, of course.

Adult child/parent relationships can be difficult in the best of times. Throw in a pandemic, and all hell can break loose. My son and I both suffer from depression, mostly managed, but always lurking, which doesn’t help.

In fact, if you read me, you know I try my damnedest to look on the bright side. I’m also a therapist, so it’s imperative that I attend to my mental health, and understand relationships. But one with an adult child, who was a creative, difficult little kid? Yeah, I don’t do that so well.

Here are the arguments highlights, pun intended:

Me, at the end of the argument, “You win. I’m coming over to the Dark Side with you. I’m now as depressed as I’ve ever felt. It’s true, the world and everything in it sucks.” Or something to that effect.

As ridiculous as it sounds now, I was being real. I truly was feeling that terrible sinking despair that those with clinical depression know so well. I hadn’t felt it in years, thanks to cymbalta and mindfulness.

Him, at the beginning of the argument, “I just want space and to be left alone. I’ve been exhausted. You and Kirkland drove me crazy demanding so much of me today.” Or something close.

Mind you, this was because, right before, he had asked me to take him over to that very friend’s house. They were then going to meet other friends. I reminded him he had promised to go with me to see lights. It all went downhill from there.

You see, I hadn’t made ANY demands. Quite the opposite. His friend, Kirkland, who was alone for Christmas, came for dinner. With Kirkland and I wearing masks and constantly hand washing, he helped me prepare dinner. He also installed shower rods for me. In between, he did, indeed, drive my son crazy distracting him from a movie we were watching. Kirkland might be a tad ADD.

Photo by Markus Siske on Unsplash

Blake is amazingly popular. I wish I had his charisma. But he does have too many people making too many demands on him, in both Austin and L.A. He’s a content creator with an unparalleled work ethic, and others flock to him.

On top of that, his father has been marginal in his life, except for when I persisted in getting them together. A day late and a dollar short, he’s decided to try to ride Blake’s creative coat tails in Los Angeles. He calls or texts several times a day, and asks for Blake’s help to implement his ideas.

He’s always lived far from us, first in New Mexico, then Philadelphia, and Montana. Now Arizona. His father only saw two of Blake’s high school basketball games, and two of his college games in the twelve years he played. He missed every art show, activity, and performance. Blake hadn’t seen him in six years.