Wholehearted & Upstanding: Danielle Bettmann
By: Jack Rainier Pryor
Tags: Children, Mental Health, Society, Family, Parenting

Danielle Bettmann is an Enthusiastic Coach, Mother & Leader

Source: Wholeheartedly

“Parenting is a journey.” It’s a phrase you’ll hear from Danielle Bettmann often, if you meet her. A graduate in early childhood education, Danielle Bettmann started out working at young child learning institutions, to conducting home visitation, and ultimately, she formed her own parenting coaching business, called Wholeheartedly. Danielle’s skills, emotional intelligence, and warm personality endear her to everyone she meets. She starts every meeting stressing the importance of early childhood years on a person’s growth.

“The first seven years of a child’s life wires their subconscious,” Danielle said, “The people meeting their child’s needs are their parents. [My job is] to help parents meet those needs — understand their kids, their development, and set kids up for life success. It changes the trajectory for their whole life.”

Danielle understand good mental health is key to better parents. She noted when she coaches parents, they often have to face internal blockages toward becoming the parent they both want to be, and the type their child needs.

She said a parent’s largest obstacle in becoming the parent they envision themselves being is to, “Reckon with how they were parented. How I see my child is wired by how I was parented.”

She said parents have to overwrite that wiring. The contemporary consensus on child development says empathetic, leading parenting is important for understanding. As Danielle explained, “A child is a separate person, with their own free will. They have their own challenges. It’s not our job to fully control them. Set them up for success. It’s hard for parents to understand, if they were raised in an obedience mindset.”

Danielle works with parents to help let go of unhelpful mindsets and approaches, and develop ones which understand what a child’s behavior really means. She helps them learn how to connect with a child, and rebuild the parent themselves with new tools for the obstacles they face everyday.

Danielle helps parents understand how to have humility. She empathizes with the feeling parents have that they are failing, and not living up to their ideal for parenting. She said, “You don’t know everything. A lot we want to read into…we think we’re failing.”

The fear of failure inspired Danielle’s cathartic podcast, Failing Motherhood. Danielle features mothers from across the country, from different geographic, cultural and ethnic backgrounds, sharing their motherhood stories.

She said, “I looked at a survey and saw what parents fear most often is failing: ‘I’m screwing up my kids. I can’t rein in my temper. I’m ruining everything. I’m all alone.’ I wanted to start a conversation around that idea and normalize how common it feels like you’re failing. [Parenting] is a journey that breaks you down. It creates in you a bigger, better person. It allows you to grow up alongside your kids. If we normalize, we know we’re not alone.”

Danielle’s hope is that each parent she works with becomes a self-actualized, emotionally intelligent leader who is capable of connecting with their children. “Raising people is the most powerful form of leadership,” she said, “It’s a bizarre concept to many, to marry the business world, and the concept of best practices of leadership, to the home. To have a family business plan.”

Danielle elaborated, “I want parents to think about and contemplate: what is a good boss and a bad boss? What did they do which made you work harder? Toxic vs. encouraging culture. Your kids are your employees. They are seeing you as having a leadership style. What is it? How are you kids interpreting it? How are they being encouraged? Are you shutting them down with frustration, criticism, and micromanaging?”

She described parenting as the “linchpin,” the critical influence in children growing up as adjusted, healthy, and capable future leaders and human beings. She also said critical influence cannot work without a strong connection with children, and for the parents to be good leaders for them.

Credit: Danielle Bettmann

“It’s huge for parents to see themselves as leaders. Empower themselves to rise above power struggles. We don’t have to win this battle. Pick the right battles. It’s okay if they have this cookie, or don’t wear shoes to the grocery store. Focus on the right things, and they will be a good human being. They’ll still come home for Christmas. Place attention and focus on the right things,” she said.

As a parenting coach, Danielle said it’s her duty to lead by example. She said, “I am trying to lead by example through my own self-development. I’m going first. I have to master something or understand a new concept. Take the steps first to turn around, encourage others to follow, and trust me in that process.”

Finally, Danielle offered this support for parents out there, who feel like they aren’t up for the challenge, they are failing their children, or they aren’t good enough for them: “You are the one for the job. You are the parent your kid needs. You are a match for a reason. When you really do believe that, you can trust the process, trust the child, and trust yourself.”

Danielle Bettmann’s podcast, Failing Motherhood, is on all podcasting outlets, while she can be inquired about parenting coaching at https://www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/

Danielle’s quotations come from an interview conducted by Jack Pryor on Oct. 1, 2020.