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I Will Show You Distance
By: Vance Larson
Tags: Peace, Anger, Meditation, Relationships, Love

2020. What a ride. Personally for me, this has been one of the best years of my life, despite losing my daughter. But for so many, the conversation has been about blame. Blame that is often directed at family and friends. I get it. Change often brings out the worst in people. And more often than not, change brings anger. But what does anger accomplish?

I am all for standing up for what you believe in. If you need to protest, then by all means protest. But the weight of your message will be judged in the manner in which you protest. Look, there are many people who I disagree with. Some, I even call my dearest friends. But I am slow to anger. And no, I don’t think anger is inherently bad. Used properly, it can change the world. The flip side of that coin is, used improperly, it can destroy it.

My wife and I have been together for close to 20 years. She would tell you herself, that she has maybe seen me angry all of 4 or 5 times. My coworkers would tell you the same thing. I handle the pressure calls at work, with both dignity and class. Now when I finish those calls, I’m all about fuck this and fuck that. But I simply do not lose my cool in a crisis.

A life time of meditation has taught me many lessons. And when a situation presents that it may get elevated, I remind myself to strive for what’s right, not being right. Game changer. Through 35 years of mental health work, I have had to deal with people that I fundamentally oppose on a cellular level. But if I buy into the bullshit, I have no chance of reaching {let alone understanding} that person. Personally, I try to lead with kindness with every encounter.

With the above being said, I have a fail safe. And it is one that I have implored my entire adult life. It boils down to this. If I can’t offer you kindness, I will show you distance. Life is to short to try and prove yourself, or change someone’s mind. Besides, the way you live, will speak louder than any words you can mutter. But the choice is yours. Buy into your peace. Or sell it to someone who has no desire to receive it.

Chose peace every time. For this is how you will change the world.
The Art of Possibility- Week 34: The Worst Enemy
By: Anshuman Sharma
Tags: Management, Anger, Emotions, Control, Feelings

Your Worst Enemy is Always with You

When does a normal man behaves abnormally? An angry person can be considered as mad as she is not in control of her senses and can harm anyone, including herself. We must have also observed this momentary insanity during our outbursts of anger. Most of the crimes are committed in the fit of anger and hate. This feeling is extremely strong and looks difficult to control.

Losing self-control means losing your control to external forces, which could be intelligent or eccentric. A person can be annoyed with the weather and deteriorating weather makes her angrier. Another can be irritated with the economic conditions of the economy and her job loss makes her loose mind with anger. They all know fully well that their actions would add no value in improving the situation, but they feel helpless. A person can be under severe stress and loses temper during a meeting with boss, which could be harmful for her career growth.

We as normal human beings have similar weaknesses; anger, hate and jealousy which make us lose our self-control and act wildly. It must be controlled for the benefit of all, including us. Meditation can of great help to improve our patience and control, so is reasoning. Asking the right questions at right time can lessen the intensity of anger. The questions could be “How will it help to solve the problem?” and “How is this behavior going to hurt me?” A dedicated conscious effort is required to eradicate these negative behaviors from your mental system.

Action Step

You need to do a self-analysis for your weaknesses, and think about the ways to weaken them. You can meditate and discover new ways to eliminate these dark behaviors from our personality.
Emotional Balance
By: Andy Crooks Writing As Andy C
Tags: Happiness, Balance, Anger

I took up the sport of tennis late in life. I hired a coach

and took lessons every week. We got to know each other over the weeks, and he

turned out to have as much life wisdom as tennis skills.

One morning we were hitting the ball back and forth. I

missed a shot that I thought I should have made. I became angry and swore under

my breath.

He stopped play and walked up to the net. He waved his hand,

calling me to the net. As I approached the net, he just looked at his racquet;

I could not get a read on what was coming. I thought a tip on my strokes or

maybe my footwork.

Instead, he looked up and said, “Okay, that is enough of

that s#@t. If you are going to get that upset about missing a shot, then you

are going to demonstrate joy and happiness when you make a shot. So, either

take everything in stride or balance the angry demonstrations with jumps of

joy. And trust me, you don’t have enough energy to swear when you miss a shot

and celebrate when you make a shot. So, you better learn to deal with your

negatives.”

Then he just turned and walked back to the baseline.

Wow, 56 years old, and I am getting a pointer on emotional

balance from a tennis coach.

And what a wonderful moment. He had hit on something I did

all the time. I could not balance the negatives. They were 10 or 20 times the

weight of any positives.

I could change my opinion of my week, my work, and myself

with one mistake, one missed step. I would respond in anger and irritation way

out of proportion to the event.

I could have a great week, and then one thing goes wrong on

Friday afternoon, and the whole week is a disaster. One ‘sad face’ would ruin a

series of ‘happy faces.’

I had no balance.

It was in my sports life that I learned emotional balance

and many other things. I have learned to practice these principles in all my

affairs and have learned a lot while playing tennis.
A Lesson Learned From Anger
By: Jack Yost
Tags: Anger, Health, Parenting, Relationships, Behavior

I grew up with a good-hearted father and a younger sister who was for the most part troublesome in her younger years. As the eldest of the siblings in my family, I noticed an interesting paradox unfold that seemed to escape the grasps of my father and sister. When my father became angry with my sister and eventually snapped, they consistently failed to realize that their anger and behavior were on two different tracks.

In my fathers eyes, he would often become fed up with a series of poor behavior and actions by my sister. This led to a build-up until finally like a volcano, an eruption. He would at first attempt to ignore the little things, but a lot of little things can have the same impact; like a couple of big things.

In my sisters eyes, she would become confused as to why a smaller incident like “why have you not cleaned the cat litter” led to a 15 minute feud on the spot. What was happening beneath the surface was the fact that unaddressed anger came out all at once, for an incident that she didn’t seem to deserve.

No one is at fault or to blame, everyone at some point is too immature to see things objectively. But these constant eruptions from minuscule actions, led to a much tenser relationship and in all honesty an unhealthy one.

I once read a poem from Buddhist roots that talked about a fly and a man. If the fly bothers you, you try and shoo it away. Two times and you try and swat it away. The third, fourth and fifth time, it becomes your mission to kill it. This holds such similar truth with anger. Anger isn’t born into something in an instant (disregarding drastic circumstances). It must be built up and tethered, similar to the feelings of love. Secondly anger needs passion and reason; in a way anger is a way to show you care.

What I took away from this is that there’s more to anger than what’s on the surface. Most people are rational and can see differing points of view through minimal explanation. So before frustration sets in or confusion, or resent, think first on the origin of the anger and what might be lying below the surface.
Even a Tea Kettle Lets Off Steam
By: Aubrey Cole
Tags: Narcissistic Abuse, Anger, Emotional Health, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse

Healing from abuse of any kind is best accomplished by understanding and allowing your emotions — without getting stuck in a cycle of emotion. Seems like a simple enough concept, but those of us who have been down this road know it’s far easier to just eat, sleep, work, shop, drink, or “busy” away our emotions than to deal with them. The one we seem to be most afraid of is anger.

Anger Is An Illusion

The feeling of anger is real and valid, but drilling down always reveals something else: pain. In psychology, the saying goes that pain turned outward is anger, and pain turned inward is depression. That’s pretty spot-on. The question then becomes, “What do you do with your anger?”

Let it Out

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” ― Maya Angelou

The one thing I tried hard to do when first in recovery was control my anger. I thought it somehow made me more mature or evolved in some way. The abuser knows this weak spot well and, when you show any emotion at all, they will portray you as some kind of crazed lunatic with anger management problems! I heard more than once, when I wasn’t reacting at all, how I was “bitter, angry and unable to move on” because he knew that the accusation itself would make me angry. Here’s the rub, though, that you must allow yourself to express anger.

Anger Doesn’t Make You an “Angry Person”

When appropriately managed, anger is a tool. Instead of just saying, “I am so angry!” Add to that, “Because I am hurt by this!” Linking together the anger and the pain somehow creates more balance. If you feel as though you are constantly angry, it simply means you have more pain to address.

“Many people believe that they are just angry at the situation, but I personally believe that for abuse survivors, especially, there always might be more personalized and internal emotions laying beneath that anger and that they are actually a result of something that is entirely different or separate from the situation that [they] initially think has caused the anger.” (From Dealing with Anger as an Abuse Survivor on Fort Refuge)

Outlets Matter!

You need a buffet of safe choices for expressing your anger. Mine included writing, pounding the ground with a hammer, throwing things away that he left behind, removing photos — and usually destroying them, screaming into a pillow, and walking around my neighborhood. Sometimes I’d even run up the stairs in my house as fast as my short legs would carry me. Each of these tools helped me get the anger out so I could address the pain and heal. Create your own safe list of outlets and practice using them! Anger is not something to be scared of, but rather a tip-off that there is pain to be addressed
Great points.
By: Christopher J
Tags: Anger

Great points. Thanks. I do think that you have to be very careful with anger, as it can come in many forms, with the wrong kind of anger eventually maybe leading to rage, and no one wants that. I am not religious but I do know that the bible was right when it speaks about 'righteous anger' as being the only type of anger that is not ‘sinful’ (to use that very problematic term), with the classic example being Jesus expelling the money lenders from the temple. We often experience righteous anger when we see other people suffering under an injustice, such as when our fellow citizens lose everything they have because they can’t afford health insurance and got sick, or when a person is abused and humiliated because of the color of their skin or ethnicity. When we experience such anger, we are actually being called to action knowing that if we don’t do something, then we are in some sense complicit in the injustice that we are feeling angry about.

On the other hand so called 'entitled anger' is a whole different and destructive form of anger, and we should absolutely not embrace that form of anger because it will destroy us and everyone it touches.

Here’s a great article on the subject:

https://link.medium.com/cZa1PsQm6db
Final Lush Years pg161–162
By: Mernie Buchanan
Tags: Ridicule, Anger, The Incompetent Psychic, Artist Memoir, Books

Colorful companion to my memoir The Incompetent Psychic

Loose Lips 1991

1991

The ‘my needs as a sailor’ declaration didn’t come with a satisfying sense of closure, so I attacked a large canvas and painted every screw-up and worst moment on Footloose from that past sailing season in one epic caricature, the most recognizable face being Joe yelling at the helm. It was an emotional frenzy of a painting — somewhat amusing but kind of awful at the same time. I changed the name of the boat, but no one was fooled. A couple of friends saw it on my back patio, then Joe heard about it.

We may not remember the precise wording of what people say, but we do remember exactly how they made us feel. Rage roils and it festers. My fury at Joe’s rude snub held all the pain, disappointment and acrimony of two people who had cared for each other and failed. Blame was who we were and how we behaved back when we were younger and smaller. Joe’s smirking broadside concentrated my lifetime of slights, rejections and insults into a single cannonball, and Joe was the target. I aimed to blast his mast right off his ship. — From Chapter 8

Joe and I managed to avoid doing physical damage to each other (in this lifetime anyway). This war was psychological. Our battles of shaming and ridicule left emotional scars that didn’t heal until the following century.

Among our mutual friends were some wise, compassionate old souls who didn’t buy into the concept of taking sides, so a phenomenon of Moutagues and Capulets couldn’t form. Our friends were more amused at our antics than incensed and supportive. It wasn’t long before our little skirmishes were more boring than entertaining, and the Joe and Mernie reality show went off the air. Our smoldering animosity continued for years, but we couldn’t rally interest from the audience. None of the jokes were funny anymore… even though we kept submitting bad scripts.

This painting still exists as a curious historical folly, and hopefully a reminder that shit happens. Fix it, get over it and sail on. And for a more effective life, do it faster than I did. (See ‘forgiveness’ blog post 153.)

A signed copy of Mernie’s memoir is available at www.etsy.com/listing/839838936

Unsigned copies can be ordered wherever books are sold.
the emporer | tarot poetry
By: Niklas Brock
Tags: Anger, Embodiment, Tarot, White Supremacy, Poetry

we could rage every minute

for a thousand years

and not run out

of just cause

do you know what white supremacy

has done to this world?

the horrors its perpetrated

the depth of its systems

the countless brutal consequences

carried by its victims:

individual, cultural, and global

have you learned about colonization?

about rampant human trafficking

and cages of separated families?

do you know the origins of the US police?

the real purpose of the “war on drugs”?

the story of how “religious right” came to be?

do you know what “settlers” really did?

or how many times the US has pissed on

its own treaties with people we

genocidally stole from from

in the first place?

did you know that sexism, classism, ableism,

homophobia, transphobia, and fatphobia

were all born of or bred within racism?

these are just a sampling

of what so many people carry

all this and more

I’m personally victimized by few

so few of these systems and still

sometimes rage so hard

I cannot breathe

I learned to release anger through movement

but also, always

let that anger motivate

action
How To Control Your Anger, So You Don’t Misbehave
By: Taiwo Oluwapelumi Alade
Tags: Anger, Anger Management, Humanity, Angry, Self Control

When you often fume when someone does something little for you or when someone steps on your toe publicly, you insulted the person, you may be having anger issues.

It’s normal to be angry; every human has a point or another being angry in their life; we get mad almost every day.

Even as anger is a normal emotion, when it’s too much and comes quickly and often, you may want to learn how to control it.

In this article, I’ll teach you how to control your anger, so you don’t misbehave.

1. Don’t just speak; think before you do.

It can be very tempting to speak when you’re burning with anger. Most times, you may say words you wouldn’t usually. Whenever you are angry, calm yourself down, control yourself before speaking, so you wouldn’t say things that would haunt you later.

2. If possible, only speak when the anger decreases:

You can only try talking when your anger subsides. This way, you would talk as calmly as possible and wouldn’t say what you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t speak in a way that might also provoke anger from the listener. You should talk like you would if you weren’t angry.

3. Take a break:

Someone you’re having issues with might do or say things that are annoying to you, and you may not be able to control yourself. Kindly excuse yourself from such a person. And Go to a quiet area or listen to music to calm you down.

4. Grudges pile up, so don’t keep them:

You may do little things to people, and they unleash a wave of massive anger on you, and you start to wonder if what you did warrant that much anger. Most times, they might have been tolerating you, but they couldn’t anymore, so they had to voice out.

Don’t keep grudges, when someone offends you, walk up to them and let them know, so it doesn’t pile up in you, and you unleash it when they do something little to you.
A Total Misunderstanding
By: Akshaya Ravi
Tags: Jealousy, Anger, Dogs, Short Story, Love

A Total Misunderstanding

I opened the door and announced “I’m home” to Max. He was sitting on the couch. He did not respond, perhaps he’s sad. I wonder why. I sat down next to him and said “Are you okay?” I heard his stomach rumble. He’s obviously hungry. I fill a bowl of his favorite snack. I offer the food to him but he did not bother to look at it. I assumed that he needed to rest, so I went to finish the other chores around the house.

I came back to the couch an hour later and saw Max still staring at the blank television. I realized “Oh you lost the remote and you want to watch tv!” I start looking for the tv remote and found it under the rug. I turned on the tv and set it to the channel Max always watches, Animal Planet. Sometimes I wonder if Max should volunteer at the zoo since he’s so invested in other animals, but that’s for another day. I eventually gave up and confronted the boy. I questioned “Are you mad at me? If you are, just tell me why!” Then he looked at me and barked for 3 minutes straight.

I finally understood why Max was mad at me. It was because I pet his friend next door. I might have smelled just like her. I confessed, “Ok I did pet your friend, but I truly do love you!” Max looked at me and smiled. He licked my face and I said “You are the one dog for me, Max”…🐶🥰
4 Types of Anger
Tags: Humans, Angry, Anger, Anger Management

Anger is a type of human emotion and a part of being human. Anyone can get angry if something makes him uncomfortable. And we have to recognize the kind of anger in us. And it’s good if we also know the types of anger at the people closest to us.

Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash

There are several types of anger:

1. Assertive anger

This type of anger is the calmest. People with this type of anger, realize that they are angry and they tend to avoid confrontation and then refrain from saying harsh words. People with this type of anger tend to motivate themselves to be better.

2. Chronic anger

People with this type of anger tend to hold back and blame themselves. The risk of chronic anger is affecting their health. Usually, this kind of anger comes from hating someone or becoming frustrated because of their condition.

3. Passive-aggressive anger

People try not to show they are angry. Usually, their self-confidence is unstable and sometimes they speak ambiguous words. And those ambiguous words make other people confused or even annoyed with them.

4. Retaliatory anger

Retaliatory anger is a natural human response to being confronted or attacked by another person. This type of anger is the most common and is usually motivated by revenge and people tend to bully or attack other people. Bullying can be physically or verbally attacked.

It’s all kinds of anger in general. There are many other types of anger if you search the internet, but the 4 types of anger below are the most common. And maybe the term type of anger is different from the terms below, but still has the same meaning.

You must know what kind of anger you are. If you know your type, it will be easier to handle your anger. You also need to know what kind of anger your partner is because that’s very important too. By knowing how angry your partner is, you can find out what to do when your partner is angry. (yg)
How to Control Yourself in the State of Anger
By: Dhun Nurayn El Shabazz
Tags: Ramadan, Anger, Patience, Islam, Muslim

Photo by GoodMan™ via DhikrPosters

Allah, the Most High created man and endowed him different psychological emotions like love and hate, fear and anger. Every human feels these emotions according to situations and circumstances they find themselves. Thus, he likes and dislikes, or becomes enraged based on certain occurrences. Each emotional state offers some benefits if used appropriately. Contrarily, there is the grave danger of causing harm when used incorrectly. This harm will not only affect the one we are reacting to, it often times leads to regret on our path as well.

In a provocative situation, patience is a virtue and anger is disliked. This was why Allah’s Apostle peace be upon him admonished a man:

A man came to the Prophet (may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and asked him (Peace and blessings be upon him) for advice. He (Peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request for advice, and each time, the Prophet replied with this one phrase that sums up all good attitudes and behavior: “Do not become angry.” (Bukhari)

So here we shall look at a few steps to take, in accordance with the sunnah to ward off anger when annoying situations arise…

Seek refuge with Allah by saying: A’oodhu billahi minash shaytaannir rajeem! Remain quiet and do not retaliate or hurry to respond. Ease your tension by letting it slide. If you’re standing, sit, if it persists, lie down. If it continues, make wudu’ and leave the scene. Controlling anger is a strength, so take inspiration from the praise of Allah’s Apostle peace be upon him. Realize the adverse effect of anger and tell yourself: it’s not worth it to get tachycardia or high blood pressure. Supplicate to Allah, and here is a good example from the best of mankind:

“I seek refuge in Allah’s perfect words from His anger and punishment, from the evil of His slaves, and from Satan’s whispers and presence.”

7. Do not be like the person who annoyed you, be a better you.

At the end of the day, remember you are a Muslim first and Allah has endowed you with the best of characters. If you must get angry, then do it for the sake of Allah, His Messenger or in defense of His Deen. If the rage affects your personality, to forgive and overlook is better and this will give you peace of mind with a great reward. May Allah grant us the ability to overcome our temper.
Turning Rage into Productivity
By: Michael Somervell
Tags: Marriage Therapy, Anger, Positivity, Husband, Marriage

My wife is one of the greatest motivators I have. Nothing gets me focused and ready to work quite like a conversation about how I don’t protect her feelings, or how I’m never happy anymore, or all of the ways in which I’ve destroyed our marriage.

The worst part of it, is that she’s wrong. Boy is she wrong. At least, that’s what I spit through drooling clenched teeth as I mercilessly shred another scouring pad on dish after dish, gently slamming coffee mugs onto the rubber prongs in the top shelf of our dishwasher. MY f %#ing dishwasher.

As this process repeats itself over and over again, plate after plate, I reach for more filthy dishes that resemble our collapsing marital covenant and — suddenly there are none.

The sink is empty. I look at the clock and only 6 minutes have passed… impossible.

Except I know it’s possible, because this is not the first time I have done a little passionate and contemptuous dish therapy immediately after an altercation. I feel a strange sensation of satisfaction and instant appreciation for the benefits of our loving disagreements.

There is no possible way this is healthy. The flood of cortisol leaves me sickened and upset for hours. But the mountain of plateware and forks I had been avoiding all morning is well on its way to the heat boost stage of Whirlpool Land.

So I accept the positive, and pop my head into the bedroom and ask, “May I refill your coffee, darling?” After she heaves the mug at my skull in order to save me the trip walking across the room to fetch it, I smile and know that we have once again effortlessly avoided festering problems. We can look at each other and both of us know there is no need to talk about it, it was no big deal.

In episode 7 of ESPN’s “The Last Dance,” Michael Jordan talks about how his father would emphasize the importance of turning negative events into positive motivation. When my wonderful wifey pulls up her mental powerpoint presentation on the myriad of spousal shortcomings I bring to the table before my blood pressure pulsates into white hot anger, I get energized.

It’s Game Time — I am preparing for another performance as the Michael Jordan of husbands. I’m about to tear the lawn mower through 6 weeks of uncut crab grass and decimate any piles of my crap I’ve left strewn about the house, then whirl around like a banshee with my power drill and screw in every single piece of shit loose screw in that sonofabitch house.

On some days, I even throw in a few hurtful personal attacks to help because I know the To Do list has grown out of hand if we’ve been getting along following her “peace and kindness methods.”

It’s not manipulation, it’s motivation. Nobody questioned Michael Jordan, and nobody questions me.

If you’re reading this, Dear, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. And I’m sorry for my temper.

If you’re reading this, dirty spoons and bowls, I’m not sorry. You’re going to die. I’ll see you soon.
Week Nine In Review
By: Magda Pecsenye
Tags: Management, Anger, Pandemic, Work, Week 9

Week Nine In Review

This was the week people got livid.

This was also the week that a number of companies including Twitter announced that employees could work from home indefinitely (although in some cases "indefinitely" was tied to the progress of the Covid-19 pandemic), which made me happy because it's what Maya Geryk and I advocated for in our podcast from last week. Listen to it here if you haven't already.

But this was the week that everyone was fed up with being managed poorly at home or with knowing they weren't managing as well as they could from home. With dealing with technology that promises everything but has huge gaps. With dealing with traumatized kids and with their own trauma. With having questions no one can answer. With having to do...this, or some form of this, for the foreseeable future.

It was overwhelming and it made us all brittle and angry and sharp.

There's nothing wrong with that. I think next week is going to be rough, too, with more losses becoming apparent and still not a lot of good news (especially in states that have opened up or are about to open up), and then after that we'll be able to start digging in to figure out how to manage this without constant pervasive anxiety.

While I usually have a few things for you to think about over the weekend to make next Monday better, today I only have one thing and it isn't going to have much effect on this coming Monday yet: What is one thing (big or medium), that, if you had a really solid handle on it or process for making it work, would lift that constant sense of being right on the edge or of actively failing from you?

Even when you have a whole bunch of small problems, there's usually one that takes up more emotional weight than the others. Figure out and isolate what yours is. You don't even have to start trying to fix it yet. That's too much for you in the middle of trauma. But figure out what it is. (If you can't figure out anything realistic that would remove the dread and fear, come up with something that isn't realistic that would save you.)

That's it. Oh, and let yourself be angry. You've lost a lot and you're still losing. Anger is a reasonable response here.

Love,

Magda

Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@hhh13
When you’ve had enough
By: Jack Washington
Tags: Frustration, Anger, Change, Moving On, Careers

Recently, I was listening to a conversation between Rich Roll and Zach Bush, when Zach said the following;

‘We would rather stay uncomfortable in the knowingness than jump into the unknown’

Rich replied that there was a similar piece of wisdom floating around alcoholics anonymous circles, which went something along the lines of;

‘When the pain of your current situation exceeds your fear of the unknown, that’s when you change’.

This is not a concept that is new to me, but the words these two used to articulate this situation, were especially powerful and resonant.

And we all know how true these statements are. How many times in your life have you realised you need to change something, known exactly what that change must be, but just not fully committed after a half-hearted attempt?

This has happened to me more times than I can count. And I know I’m not the only one.

The issue lies in this idea of the unknown. Because the unknown is this unquantified darkness, we have no idea exactly how much pain lies in wait for us should we attempt to change things.

And this is why we will not change things unless the pain of our current situation becomes unbearable. The pain of being overweight has to overcome the pain of embarrassment that exercising in a gym or running in the street might cause us.

The pain of always worrying about which bills are overdue has to outweigh the pain of having to cook on a friday after a long week, which naturally leads to an expensive deliveroo order being made.

Until that moment that one form of pain switches paths with the other, we will simply not change.

Dave Ramsey, a finance expert shared a video with the title ‘I’ve had it’. In which he talked about this idea. Until we have lost all patience with these negative circumstances, behaviours, or with our pain, we will not change. Simply knowing is not enough. We have to be at the point where we might be crying, we might be furious, our stomachs might have turned inside out with frustration, when we scream ‘I’ve had enough’.

This is when we will finally move forward.

It’s a frustrating fact of life, but it seems to be one that is relatively unshiftable.
The Theme Of The Week Is Temperance
By: Bambzi Ellis, B.Ellis
Tags: Newsletter, Anger, Self Improvement, Self-awareness, Meditation

To be quick to anger is to be slow to resolution

Peace and Love, Bums!

If you are new, Welcome To Earth To Bambzi! My name is Bambzi Ellis and we write unapologetically here; I’d love for you to stick around.

Let’s check in: How was your week:Are you drinking enough water? Conquered a long term fear? Finished a neglected project? Are you caught up on content?

Let’s Catch Up!

Photo by Ryan Fleischer on Unsplash

This week what I have for you is my latest article reviewing a television series. I finally caught up with my Netflix queue and reviewed The Haunting of Bly Manor. You can catch that article here.

Also! We’ve obviously changed the name of our publication!

If you want more detail about the reason why(which isn’t much) you can click here.

And boredom strikes, as it always does, and I looked up the meaning behind my birthday. You can check that out here.

Lastly you can check out the article explaining what happens when life gets a bit…overwhelming. Click here to read that one as well.

Now on to the word this week: Temperance
Reclaiming
Tags: Poetry, Anger, Feelings

We walk together

It’s happening again, and I don’t know why

I freeze, my face expressionless

Throat tightened, I won’t say a word

Nobody will come in. Nobody will leave

But deep inside, I can feel it

Burning anger tries to make itself heard

I’m trying to strangle it. I don’t want it in my life

Applying pressure to it, I tighten the noose around my neck

I fear what it will do when I let him go

But what if by clenching it inside me

I hurt myself and my loved ones?

I let it go, and I let it flow

Blood rushes, muscles tighten

I feel warm in my chest

I can feel the power. It is mine

I can feel it but, I don’t let go

This power is mine, and I control it

I’m not looking for revenge

I don’t throw it like a hammer

I let it flow, but I have the control

The tool of destruction changes

into the instrument of creation

my anger recovered gives me power

The power to create and overcome boundaries

I am not afraid of it anymore, and I am not ashamed

It’s my companion, part of me

We walk together
Are Crabs Happy?
By: Dave Alexander
Tags: Thoughts And Ideas, Money, Anger, Animals, Happiness

Crabs

I was stepping over some crabs by the marsh and I started thinking about how destitute they are.

They don’t have shit. They live in a hole in the mud.

Are they happy?

My first instinct is of course they are. They are a beautiful part of God’s green earth.

But upon further examination, I start to waiver.

All these crabs do is hover around their hole — all day long, and do weird claw waves. But not nice waves. More like get the fuck away from my dirt hole waves.

They don’t have any friends, and they’re mute. They’re the definition of dirt poor.

They don’t have shit.

Plus they have to worry all day long about a big ass bird swooping down from above to peck through their shell and eat them.

At first I speculated that mating might be the only possible benefit to being a crab. But realistically it’s probably more like a rape. I feel 99% certain there’s no romance going on here when I’m not around.

They really have nothing to look forward to ever. No vacations. No fun.

Just gonna hang around this dirt hole until something terrible happens to me, I imagine is what they think about all day.

Better make sure nobody gets near my hole.

In conclusion, crabs are not happy. In case you were wondering.
Anger
Tags: Life Lessons, Questions, Anger, Relationships

I feel like i’m drowning in someone else’s bath water. Some else’s mess. Someone else’s mistakes and decisions. But is this how the rest of this will go? Will it be like this from now on? Is this a test? How did this end up being my problem? How did I end up taking the short end of the stick? Am I too stuck on thinking about how the drowning is affecting me? Should I be thinking about how the other person feels watching me drown? I guess that’s valid. but like, no, fuck it. I’m drowning! And its not my fault. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. This time, I did nothing.

But i’m imagining this is what life with someone else is like. Right? You fuck up, they are there for you to help you pick up all the pieces. They fuck up, you should be there to help pick up their pieces. But when do you get to say, “no this time i’m not helping” or “no, you fucked up and should have known better, so deal with this on your own”? Is that an unfair thing to say? Should we always be there and available and supportive regardless of whose fault it was? That’s fucking hard. Feel like that’s not truly realized until you’re in it…constantly in it.

Is it okay for me to be angry? Do I have a right to be angry? I think so. Shit, i’ve been busting my ass for weeks and just trying to make things right…trying to clean my own mess up. Owning up to my mistakes. Planning for shit. Managing many things at once. Trying to prioritize and balance everything. Then, BAM, a massive bulldozer just destroyed everything i’ve been working on….or no, not even, cause I still have to work on those things. Its like a massive weight was added and tipped the scales, but all the things that were there before, are still there. So I have to do it all, do it all well, and act like i’m okay? Fuck me. I’m allowed to be angry. I’m allowing myself to be angry.
That’s Enough For Me
By: Liz Sumner
Tags: Compassion, Anger, Self Worth

A client recently told me a story that’s been reverberating in my brain. She was in a team with a quiet man. She perceived him as sensitive and wise so let’s call him Solomon. Another team member was very exuberant and perhaps a little full of herself. She had lots of opinions about how the quiet man should be and she shared them with him, rapid fire, without stopping to see how they landed.

After awhile Solomon said, with respect and compassion, “Thanks very much, but that’s enough for me.” He wasn’t defensive or dismissive. His bearing had the effect of ending the barrage of advice without judgment. He just said that’s enough.

I think this is breath-taking.

In the same week I heard about another incident. This time a friend was at a dinner with family. She was tired from an intense period at work. One of the family members at the table with a reputation for being irritating, (let’s call her Sandy), wanted my friend to agree to her terms on a complex matter. There was no reason to come to a decision right then and there but Sandy wanted to discuss it. My friend asked politely to drop it for now because she wanted a break from her stressful week, but Sandy wouldn’t let it go. My friend finally got up from the table and went to stay in a hotel to get some peace.

I’ve been thinking about that scene and what I might have done under the circumstances. I’m very uncomfortable around angry people and avoid confrontation as much as possible. But I’m intrigued with the idea of tapping into an inner sense of compassion and saying, “that’s enough for me.” Could I find that place where my calm self worth would feel like protection from the onslaught? What an aspiration that would be!

As I imagine speaking up to object to brutality or injustice, that’s what I want to feel. That’s where courage comes from.
How to Live Life without Anger..(Top 3 Myths busted)
By: Being Positive
Tags: Anger, Anger Management, Self Improvement, Positive Thinking, Happiness

Anger.. is the root cause of most of the issues we are facing today. From fights in relationships.. to road rage.. to fear of war, anger has always been one of the major cause of problems.

Have you ever imagined how our life would have been without anger? A life full of happiness, calmness, and peace.

Anger is the most destructive human emotion which not only have extremely bad impact on ourselves, but the negative energy generated due to our anger disturbs everyone around us.

Lets bust few anger myths vs reality.

1. Its a natural human emotion and we don’t have any control over it. This is the most common excuse, but the reality is that anger is just like any other bad habit, just like smoking a cigarette. As you are aware that smoking is bad for health still you smoke, just like that you are aware that anger is not good, still, we get angry. Anger is not an emotion, it's a habit which with time have become part of our reflex action.

2. Anger is sometimes an important tool to prepare ourselves for revenge or get our work done.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. The end result of anger can never be good. Even the biggest Army battles have been fought with intelligence and tactics, not with anger. A most common example of a sports lover is how a good sportsperson react to sledging or provocation by the opposite team. If the sports person starts playing and reacting in anger, his/her defeat is definite. Instead, a good team, sportsperson keep themselves calm and unaffected with provocation and just carry on with their game plan for success.

3. No matter how hard we try, there are some people or situations which always instigate anger in me.

Always remember that “Your problem is not the problem, your reaction to the problem is the actual problem”. Stop getting upset with the people. They are powerless without your reaction. If someones shout on you or behave in an unexpected way, just stay calm and let that moment pass by like the dark clouds.

Stay Calm, Stay Happy !!!
Anger Issue and An approach to control it
By: Ayesha Iftikhar
Tags: Issues Management, Anger, Helping Others, Anxiety, Cooperation

Today I am going to talk about anger issues. Almost every 2 out of 3 people are facing this issue even the 1 from that 2 people have severe anger issues that they can’t handle by themselves.

The real question is How and Why people have severe anger issues? The answer is from my point of view that

They lack necessary attention. They don’t have anyone to talk and no one understand them well. That’s why they get frustrated easily and react towards things badly and can’t control it and help it.

All this starts from their homes when their families took them for granted and didn’t give the proper attention they seek as child so for attention they started reacting out on things like this and become a person having anger issues and anxiety issues too.

The ones having anger issues started to have anxiety issues too when their close one or whom they consider special to them started blaming themselves for their conditions and didn’t even try for once to understand them and try to help them.

Now, the Question is: How to cope with this?

The ones who have anger issues can’t help them by themselves. They can try but can’t. control it all by their own.

In my point of view,

They should try to make themselves. busy when they are getting angry on something like reading a book (may be their religion’s book), doing drawings and other kind of stuff.

It is the duty of their close ones to understand their condition too and help them to control it by giving them proper attention and care.

Also, If they see them trying and struggling to control their anger then stood by them and don’t taunt them about things, they have said and done.

As humans we all made mistakes, they had made mistakes too but we need to understand they were not able to control it that’s why sometimes mistakes made by them are severe.

If you saw someone having a lot mood swings and getting angry on little things you need to talk to them rather leaver them on their own.

At the end, I will say that we all had face this phase in our life but may be our reactions to it are little different from others. So if we find someone having these type of issue. We should try to help them instead of shaming and taunting them.

That’s. it for today. Your responses will be appreciated.

Thank you!

Have a great day !
Burn It Down: A Playlist for Angry Women
By: Lilly Dancyger
Tags: Anger, Feminism, Playlist, Music, Personal Essay

Burn It Down: A Playlist for Angry Women

A playlist is very much like an anthology — a collection of different artists, each with their own unique sound and vision, coming together to create something new. The combination creates its own power. When I was soliciting and editing work for my anthology, Burn It Down: Women Writing About Anger, it was important to me to have a range of different kinds of essays — I didn’t want to push any of these writers into a specific form but wanted them to write their anger in the way that felt most natural to them. The voices and styles in the book range as widely as the topics and the backgrounds of the writers — but they all work together. They flow into one another like a Beyoncé song can flow into a PJ Harvey song on a good playlist.

I asked each Burn It Down contributor to choose a song to accompany their essay, and say a little bit about why they picked the song they did. Check out their selections below, and listen to the whole playlist here. If you like what you hear, check out Burn It Down here!
Physical Intimidation
By: Lavan Vickneswaran
Tags: Anger, Self Improvement, Life, Life Lessons, Self Development

Then there is that one charismatic person who goes entirely against this stereotype. They enter a room and their quiet presence demands attention, respect and authority.

I don’t know how some people pull this off. But I’ve seen it in movies and real life alike. It’s not their clothes or hair or a stern, determined look on their face that creates this aura. It’s something else, something deeper at the core of who they are.

You know when someone walks in and you just know they’ve been through a lot and won’t back down, especially not because of a silly reason of someone being bigger than them.

Maybe when you fall in love, this deeper core is what attracts you. Its probably the reason why so many people end up marrying people they’d never expect to get spend their whole lives with.

Physical confrontation shouldn’t stop you from being you and holding up whatever you stand for. At the end of the day, the worst case scenario is that you’ll get beaten up. Which probably won’t happen as most of these really heated arguments that are worth arguing for, take place in work environments.

So next time just say what you have to and deal with whatever follows later.

LV
On anger and self-grasping
By: Rom Grk
Tags: Anger, Mind, Meditation, Buddhism, Emotions

Photo by Justin Leibow on Unsplash

These last few days, there was a situation that was making me angry against someone. So this morning I woke up, still laying in bed, and I remembered this situation. It was interesting to notice that I wasn’t feeling anger until I remembered this situation; before that, I felt perfectly fine. The other thing I did notice is also that anger didn’t just appear at once, and stayed the same. It was more like a gradual rising up of anger. First I remembered the situation, then a first thought about it created an initial feeling of anger, then more thoughts came as waves, each one building up on the previous one, each one increasing the anger. So armed with a buddhist understanding of the mind, I tried to contemplate how to stop this from growing stronger, because it did felt unpleasant to be angry. My initial plan was to stop angry thoughts to arise, but it’s quicker said than done. I tried a few times, but they just kept coming back again and again. Undeterred, I resolved to look a bit more in details what was going on in my mind. And I noticed this curious mechanism that I had never seen directly before: the point where thoughts where hitting to create anger was this strong feeling of “I”. It was as if they were simply waves, hitting this pointy rock. So I tried letting go of this sense of a substantial “I”, and suddenly there were waves, but they had nowhere to hit. There was no more anger being created, and even it began to disolve. And in a few moments, anger was gone. No trace of it, and if felt good.

As is often the case, I would struggle to explain why I was able to let go of this sense of self this time, but not other times. My opinon is that moving your mind is like moving your body, you can’t really explain to someone how to do it. It’s just through practice that you learn how to operate your body, how to move this hand, how to relax this muscle. Same goes for the mind, your learn to tense this feeling or to relax that emotion simply by learning experientally how to do it.