The Fallacy of Self
By: Josh Holladay
Tags: Confidence, Self, Improvement, Truth, Growth

If I were to say that the “self” doesn’t exist and that the notion of this “self concept” is false and ungrounded, that could sound a bit strange, far fetched, or maybe even slightly looney.

But, the case I am prepared to make here is this: The “self” we hold to be so real, isn’t real at all. It’s made up. It was never meant to be held on to the way we do.

Let’s define “fallacy” and “self” before we go any further.

fallacy

A false notion, incorrectness of reasoning or belief; erroneousness.

self

The total, essential, or particular being of a person; the individual.

The essential qualities distinguishing one person from another; individuality.

One’s consciousness of one’s own being or identity; the ego.

( From: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.)

We can virtually feel like we are locked up inside ourselves, never to escape the “me” that we sometimes hate.

But it simply doesn’t have to be that way. (Read the previous sentence one more time.)

How about we look at this “self” idea in a whole new way…liberating yourself for a change.

Let’s examine this “self” concept through the lens of Past, Present, and Future versions. I’ll layer in some ideas of where to focus and how to start making headway.

Remember, you are a beautiful, valuable, unique, and a divine human being.

Ready? Let’s do this thing.

Past Self

When I was 8 years old my friends thought I ate sugar for breakfast. But I never did and never have. (Gross!)

When I was 15 years old I was partnered up with a girl in my class for an economics project. I totally bombed it. Home life was not optimal and I just didn’t have the emotional energy to “show up”. I failed that class, the poster child of, what I felt, a “loser”.

When I was 22 years old I was a young married husband. When we got married I had no job and lived on just savings. I didn’t know what career I wanted to pursue. I was clueless.

Later I graduated with a bachelor’s degree at 29 years old with 5 kids and an amazingly supportive wife. Late bloomer? So what!

I made mistakes, still do. I don’t like labels. The past shouldn’t label any of us.

Yes, that was me, Josh Holladay, back then. Same name. Same DNA. But it’s not me now. I’m a different person now. I talk differently. I think differently. My beliefs have changed and morphed. No matter who I was then, though my core personality hasn’t changed, I’ve evolved.

The point is, I am not the person that I was as a kid, in high school, in college, or as a young father. I am a different me. Each day I am a new being. I’m new every moment of every day and that’s real freedom.

The bottom line here is illustrated perfectly by this pivotal interchange in the beloved Disney movie, The Lion King. It’s that old, wise, and crazy baboon Rafiki that teaches Simba a vital lesson. Tune in here.

He hits Simba on the head with a stick after Simba expresses concern about facing his past. Simba says:

Simba: “Ow, geez. What was that for” Rafiki: “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. Haha.” Simba: “Yeah, but it still hurts.” - The Lion King.

And, here comes the lesson.

“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” Rafiki, The Lion King

When Rafiki swung again, indeed Simba learned his lesson. He swerved and Rafiki missed him this time.

And so it is with us. We can either run from or hide our past. Or we can fashion tools from our past experiences to build a brighter tomorrow.

Run from? Learn from? All up to you.

But, what is the past anyway?

past

No longer current; gone by; over.

Having existed or occurred in an earlier time; bygone.

You could be thinking right now, “Wait a minute. Does this mean that the past, it’s just gone. But what about all of my memories, those thoughts in my mind that seem so real. That’s not the past?”

Can you reach out and grab hold of…the past? No. Where is it? It’s only in our mind.

So learn from the past, your life’s collective vault of experiences. Your brain has recorded everything into your biological makeup.

Then, move on. Go ahead. Live the next chapter of your life. I give you permission. You should give yourself permission too.

Future Self

So what’s the future going to look like for any of us? No one knows. We just don’t know. So why let it govern who we are and what we do today?

The future is similar to the past. It doesn’t exist either. Let’s take a look at the meaning of “future” then draw a few conclusions.

future

The indefinite time yet to come.

Something that will happen in time to come.

A prospective or expected condition, especially one considered with regard to growth, advancement, or development.

Our lives are continuously driving into the future. We live each day moving and pushing into the future that we create for ourselves.

But, the future hasn’t happened yet. Why is that important to understand, to say out loud even? Because we are free from what we believe will happen.

It’s good to plan. It’s good to dream. It’s good to hope. But, without a plan we’re just shooting into the wind.

You’ve got to solidify your future. The way you do that is to craft it before hand. In fact even better, visualize the future person you want to be.

Every morning, repeat this written down version of who you want to be until you start to become that person. How are you to become your best self if you don’t spend time creating that future self in detail? The answer is obvious, your efforts will be shaky at best until you do.

So many people just wish for better days, a better life, more money, happiness. Are you willing to do the work, to make up your plan, to prepare the foundation that better life can build and rest upon?

The future is not certain. However, it’s certainly better to build your future conceptually and let it begin to build itself.

Take the time to find out who you are and what you want. It’s what the best of the best do, and it works like a charm.

Present Self

So what about the present? Well, that’s now. This very moment. Your present, “now”, is happening as you read this article.

The present is all you and I have to work with. Isn’t that great. You’ve got the reigns. You’ve got that bull by the horns. You’re in control.

You want a good future, the kind of life you could really sink your teeth into? Well, you can build it.

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Abraham Lincoln

Yes, you read correctly. No matter what happened in the past and no matter what you think you’re headed for, it’s all you!

You’ve got the power, the know how, the right to chart your path. You owe it to yourself to do “what ever it takes” to live the kind of life you want to live. (Ethically, of course.) The world is yours. It really, truly is.

You are where you are now because of who you are right now. Defining where you want to be in the future should clue you in to what kind of person you need to become to get you there…and keep you there, I might add.

The reason you’re not where you want to be now is because you haven’t become the person that can live the kind of lifestyle that you are seeking.

But you can do it. You can change. You can grow. You’re programmed to do so. It’s called having a growth mindset.

You never have to believe that you are stuck in the place or as the person you are…ever, ever again. Change is always possible, my friend.

Concluding Thoughts

So, is the “self” real? Indeed, it is not. It’s always changing. Each day we are new and different.

We are that living masterpiece that is ever flowing and moving, like the waters of earth’s riverkind.

We must have the determination to make this life everything it should be for us, for our families, and for the people we serve. Here’s how one author and thought leader put it:

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms…” Henry David Thoreau

May you breath each breath you have with equal vigor. May you take hold of life’s every opportunity. May you live in the present…and learn from the past. May you plan for the future, visualize it, and watch it unfold.

And never, ever give up on yourself. You never know what you might have become if you would have just traversed down the road of life a little farther.