My Son Keeps a Daily Gratitude Journal — Maybe We All Should
By: The Rewired Soul
Tags: Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Life, Kids

My Son Keeps a Daily Gratitude Journal — Maybe We All Should

His emotional growth is just as important as his intellectual development

Photo: Getty Images

My son is 11 years old. Like most parents, my ex and I both have him do chores around the house. It gives him a work ethic, and it’s a way for him to earn some allowance so he can start learning the value of money and buy his own stuff. But another responsibility I’ve given him alongside his standard chores is to keep a daily gratitude journal. And it’s for a good reason.

My son’s mom and I split up when he was about two years old because of my substance abuse. Our relationship took a lot of work on my end once I was able to get sober a little over seven years ago, but I’m incredibly grateful today because she’s one of my best friends now. We share custody, but our son primarily lives with his mom; that’s where he does most of his homework. She’s done an incredible job making sure our son takes school seriously — he’s only 11, and he’s a straight-A student. I help him where I can with what he’s learning in school, but most of the credit goes to his mom for why he’s kicking butt academically.

Once I got sober and was able to analyze my past, I realized that a lot of my anxiety and depression stemmed from childhood. School never taught me about mental health, and the system hasn’t changed much since then. Since my son’s mom helps him with the IQ side of things, I took it upon myself to teach him the EQ side of life — to help him deal with his emotions.

It’s easy for him to have a rough day at school and rant about his day, but that’s slowly gone away over the last year. He still has bad days like the rest of us, but they don’t impact him as much as they used to.

When we become adults, it’s easy to forget how stressful it is to be a kid. Most of us couldn’t wait to grow up. (Of course, now that we have work, bills, and taxes, most of us wish we could revert back.) For a child, everyday life can be as stressful as our adult lives and our adult responsibilities. I want my son to be prepared to manage his emotions healthily, and to develop tools that can last him his whole life.

A few years ago, I discovered the beauty of mindfulness meditation. When I first started practicing, I found out one of my relatives worked for an organization that teaches schools how to integrate mindfulness into class, so I took courses and learned how to teach children mindfulness. I may not be a teacher, but I have a son — this was perfect.

Once my son turned six and I started teaching him meditation, it didn’t take long for me to see the improvements in his mood. Before, he worried chronically and was super sensitive, just like his father. Every time we were together, we’d do a wide range of mindfulness practices that not only gave him new coping tools, but were actually fun. I can’t tell you how happy I’d feel when he’d call me after school and excitedly share how he used mindfulness that day.

Five years later, on the cusp of adolescence, my son still practices mindfulness. It’s not as formal as we used to do it, by sitting and doing meditations together, but he has various tools he can use when he needs them and knows that the key to mindfulness is staying in the present moment.

There’s another element to staying in the moment as well: making a practice of expressing gratitude. When former addicts like myself get sober, gratitude is shoved down our throats, and it works. My first year sober was rough; I lived in California, and I only saw my son once that first year. To keep moving forward, I had to practice being grateful for what I did have, rather than dwelling on what I didn’t.

About a year ago, I did a giveaway on my mental health YouTube channel for gratitude journals — in which you write each day about three things you’re thankful for that day — and one of the winners lived in another country. Rather than spending an arm and a leg on shipping, I ended up ordering her one online to be shipped directly to her. I had a leftover gratitude journal and decided to give it to my son. Since then, he’s used it each night, listing three things he’s grateful for. When he’s not at my house, he fills out his entry and sends me a picture to show me he did it. He even took the initiative to set a daily reminder on his phone so he doesn’t forget.

Like most kids his age, he’s preoccupied with video games and friends, so sometimes he races through the gratitude journal, and I see vague entries. When I know that he hurried through it, I remind him that we practice gratitude intentionally and mindfully. I tell him that it’s essential to sit and reflect on the day to really process his thankfulness.

We’ve had a number of conversations about whether he’s noticed any changes in his life as a result of his gratitude journal, and much like the meditation practice, he has. I’ve seen it, too. It’s easy for him to have a rough day at school and rant about his day, but that’s slowly gone away over the last year. The gratitude journal has helped train his focus on the positive rather than the negative. He still has bad days like the rest of us, but they don’t impact him as much as they used to.

I’m not studying my son — he’s a kid, not a lab rat — so I can’t quantify how much he’s improved and which factors have the most significant impact. What I do know is that no matter who he comes in contact with, people are always singing his praises. Adults we encounter regularly tell me that he’s kind, respectful, and helpful.

Is it because of his mom? Is it because of me? Is it because of the mindfulness or gratitude journal?

I don’t know. I just know that no matter what, he’s equipped to deal with life on his terms, and I’m glad that he knows that he can face whatever comes his way.