Who to turn to?
By: Daniel Caruana Smith
Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Life Lessons, Mental Health, Self Improvement, Psychology

In the previous article, we went through the difference between emotional and academic intelligence. But one question remains; why have we not looked at this before? Surely, our ancestors also faced emotional challenges, so why has the topic remained underdeveloped for so long? Well, in most societies, the influence of religion kept emotional intelligence in a dark, unexplored corner.

This isn’t to say that religion is to blame, far from it. For most of human history, religion has served as an emotional pacifier, a safe haven to run towards when things go bad. Religious leaders speak of ethical behavior, a meaning in life, community spirit, and a purpose to work towards. They show us the way to live, love, and exist in harmony with others. Even after we die, there is a promise of continuity — an afterlife.

“the influence of religion kept emotional intelligence in a dark, unexplored corner.”

It is for this reason that religions have (openly or subliminally) served as points of reference during times of emotional hardship. I still vividly remember my grandparents saying that during times of crisis, their first point of call all would be a priest. It was a belief shared by many, especially in fervently Christian nations.

So why do we not run to a priest anymore? Why is religion no longer our go-to point? For starters, the idea that we should blindly obey a dogma doesn’t seem to fit into a world of rationale and reasoning. Today we focus on understanding how things work, rather than abandoning ourselves to the powers of a greater being. Even this article itself seeks to unravel the concept of emotional intelligence, and not merely accept it. Our individual searches for emotional wellbeing have led to the proverbial ground being pulled from underneath us. We are no longer on a level playing field but on different, separate islands each with its own set of challenges.

“For most of human history, religion has served as an emotional pacifier, a safe haven to run towards when things go bad.”

When things go wrong, where do we run? The answer is automatic; we gravitate towards what we have always known, to what seems familiar — to our cultures. In the absence of religion, culture fills in the gaps. We rely on our cultures, norms, values, and traditions to guide us as to what is ethically correct. How do we understand ourselves emotionally? What is our purpose? To whom do we turn to in despair? These are all questions we subconsciously pose to our cultures.

“We are no longer on a level playing field but on different, separate islands each with its own set of challenges.”

A Shakespearean tragedy can teach us to be wary of those around us. The Mona Lisa instructs us through an enigmatic smile. Musical compositions evoque feelings of sadness or joy. Altogether, they provide a replacement for the guidance our faiths used to offer. This isn’t to say that religion is obsolete, however, it would be a mistake to completely write off the influence of culture on our emotional beings.

Just as Milan’s Duomo holds a certain atmosphere of reverence, so do the world’s prominent museums and libraries. Whether it be a greater being which we believe in or a vast accumulation of knowledge, we can’t help but feel humbled. Seeing the achievements of man or the power of a god has a profound effect.

“This isn’t to say that religion is obsolete, however, it would be a mistake to completely write off the influence of culture on our emotional beings.”

So what does this all mean? Will we be rushing into museums, gazing at portraits, and rationalizing our feelings in a few year's time? I doubt it. As compelling a case as culture makes, it has not replaced scripture, nor does it give us all the answers when we feel troubled.

It does however serve as a reminder that we are not alone; that is some distant past, other people have felt the same way. This in itself is comforting, but not enough.

Taking a step back, it seems the answer we seek was never readily available. In the past people looked to religion, today we are expected to deal with our emotions somehow or other. Although it makes no sense, we expect any moderately educated, sensible person to be able to deal with the concepts of life, death, happiness, and grief. It seems absurd that’s some of us may need guidance, however, it is the reality. The moral of the story is that although culture and religion can enable us to experience emotions such as tranquility and empathy, a deeper understanding is needed if we truly want to achieve emotional intelligence.