Gender Disparity: Are you doing anything about it?
By: Nitin Jauhari
Tags: Gender Equality, Patriarchy, Marriage, Women, Feminism

A subject close to my heart, many articles will come up on this in time to come.

Let me clear at the outset, I’m no champion on women’s rights but I think I am a right-thinking man and hence it bothers me that even in 21st century we live in a world where 50% population is treated inferior to other 50%.

In this article I’m raising few points which could look superficial or too radical, but I think they’ll have a huge impact in time to come. All fights are not fought on ground, some are notional as well and equally important.

What are we without our name? Unless you have done some crimes, name is something you don’t want to lose. Do you? Because your name is your identity, which you have built meticulously over a period of time. Then why all of a sudden women change their surname to their husbands, after getting married? Today I am Nitin Jauhari and if tomorrow I am Nitin XYZ, then anyone referring to me, will have to link my father’s name or something with me to explain who am I; I’ll lose my individual and independent identity. But then I don’t have to worry about it because I am a man and in our patriarchy driven society men don’t need to change surname post marriage, only women do that. It really disappoints me, when I see women post their marriage, change their surname to adopt their husband’s surname. This is done by even independent, working and champion of feminism, women. And funny thing is most of them are not forced to do this by anyone. Some don’t remove their maternal surname but add their husband’s surname as a suffix; has anyone saw any man adopting his wife’s surname? If not, then what it symbolizes. It doesn’t symbolize love, it symbolizes patriarchy.

Your name is your identity, your biggest asset, which you have nurtured and made for more than 25 years, how can you change that for a marriage, which you are not sure will last for lifetime or not; in so many case it actually doesn’t last lifetime and people go through the hassle of changing their name back to their original. Women need to start thinking all aspects of male dominance in society and will need to fight any such nuances. Those who think, this is trivial issue, ask any men around you, if they’d change their surname to their wife’s.

When women themselves start taking pride in their name and identity, the next step would be to ask questions why always children’s surname be coming from father’s name. Both mother and father give their blood and sweat for their kid and in most cases woman more, then why they don’t have a stake for the kid carrying her surname. Changing the situation can be easy for one child but certainly not easy in today’s world to distribute surnames for 2 or more children, but probably it needs a debate for the beginning. To add my story here, my kids also carry my surname and not wife’s surname but because this issue is so less debated I actually never thought about it and nor my wife asked me question about it. I did think about giving my second one, her mother’s surname but there are lot of practical difficulties in two kids carrying different surnames, hence I decided not to.

Does this seem too radical to you? It’s because women have never thought or asked question about this and men, who created this system, won’t let it go themselves. For hundreds (may be thousands) years, this system has prevailed unchallenged, shouldn’t anymore.

There is another notion created by men and nurtured by patriarchy; menstruation impurity. Women do not participate in anything that is considered sacred. They’ll not visit a temple or participate in a puja. Menstruation is a taboo in India. No one talks about it. A stigma has been attached to it. Women are to be blamed as much for this as men. Women have silently, without asking any question, been following all restriction put on them. Unfortunately, even working independent women have not shown courage to ask questions and change the discourse. Many of these restrictions are put by women on women, specially in families. Those who have studied science or bio tech, don’t explain to their mothers, aunts or friends, why it makes no sense to not consider it as normal body function. There is a temple in Kerala, even after supreme court of India allowing, women of menstruating age are not allowed to enter in it. This is nothing but depriving 50% population of their rights.

The onus of changing the situation is on all of us. We, all need to find our voice and start raising valid questions. A debate need to start on this, now. No change happens overnight, this will also not. Women/men, who have influential position, need to set example, which will give courage to girls/women down stream. When one has attained a voice but do not use it for raising right concerns or awareness, it’s a wastage of opportunity to bring a meaningful change in society.