adhd vs lsd. my 1st microdose
Tags: Adhd, Lsd, Microdose, Diary, Psychedelics

it is the 6th of july. dad knocks on my door, “you’ve got mail!!” he wanted to see what was inside but i had asked him not to open my packages for me because i “liked opening them myself"

he was curious to know what was in there so i opened it and stickers fell out. saved. he looked at me in disappointment and left. little did he know, my “dealer" had tucked it in between some of the stickers he sent. it was his first time sending drugs over to a different island. we met on a darknet forum called dread. i normally only visited for /d/cafedread; /d/chaos and a new one; /d/gays. people there are hilarious, plenty of shitposts, rants, etc without the degeneracy of 4chan (kind of). i felt at home. anyway he had noticed i was from malaysia too and just wanted someone to talk to. he mentioned it sucked having to keep a secret, especially when its as epic/drip/swag as his.

prior to this i had heard about the healing qualities of psychedelics etc. i have adhd. i mean not technically anymore because i was diagnosed at 17 and apparently adhd and adult’s adhd are two different diagnosis? anyway i had found this youtuber by the name of psyched substance, who told his story of adhd, adderall, kratom, addiction, and his plan on how to fix those things; via a microdose of lsd. naturally, my ears perked up.

life story basically (skip this please)

adhd has been a detriment to my life for a long time. at school i was made fun of for being “blur" because i never knew what tf was going on in class,, i was also a massive f@g but we’re not here to talk about that today. in high school i found myself chronically bored. everyday was the same pointless bullshit and it never changed. i didn’t think i was capable of feeling happy at that point in my life. cringe i know. after hs things, i found i didn’t have to hate my life, and i didn't, but my issues with my attention became much more apparent. music school wasn’t engaging and i rarely had work. i was bored out of my mind all year and i still struggled to do basic tasks (like sleep, go to school, use shower soaps in the right order etc). this word is awful and i still don't know what it means but, my “anxiety” got out of control. at least that's what i think it might be. every time i went outside i felt ill. puked once or twice but the poops were an always. it was like my intestines had a built in blender and when i wanted my guts to stay intact the most, they would turn on and breakfast just takes the express train. it’s ridiculous and it used to be embarrassing to talk about but im honestly used to it now.

ANYWAY god what were we talking about,, oh yeah, adhd. i pretty much ignored all my problems until i dropped out of music school for a much “more legit" art school. by “more legit” they meant absolutely merciless and corporate. im studying digital media arts now and to cope with the workload of my first semester, i would drink (i whined about it a lot so i was probably just drinking because i couldn't stand myself and everyone around me wanted me to stop crying). my boyfriend at the time also just constantly told me “there was something wrong" with me and that he couldn't quite understand what it was. he told me i would stare at the closet for 40 minutes before i actually took something out. i had no idea. whenever we we’re going out together he would push me to be faster and i felt as if i was about the get drafted to bomb hospitals in afghanistan.

the first suspect was a thyroid disease. his mum had it and apparently was “just like me.” so went to the hospital with him to get a blood test. doctor literally checked the firmness of my balls. he noted how they were small and hairless but SOMEHOW my blood was of a normal t content. my boyfriend was perplexed. i was too… lol. soon after that, a school counsellor noted my drinking habits and told me i had to see a doctor (the psychology kind this time) and after hearing my issues he immediately asked me if i knew what adhd was. im going to be honest, i thought it was a buttload of bs at the time., but it makes sense to me now. he told me to exercise daily, write down everything etc etc, but the thing that benefited me was actually knowing what was going on in my head for the first time. i learnt i could do something about it. still failed that semester though.