How Intercountry Adoption Causes African Children To Be Unnecessarily Separated From Their Families
By: Charlotte Simons
Tags: Adoption, Child Protection, Zambia, Alicia Marie Harding, Intercountry Adoption

Monday, May 10th:

On Sunday March 9, Alicia Marie Harding left a comment on this article that said the following:

Charlotte, I would like to know how you tried to contact me. I've never heard or seen your name before, and just in case I missed your message somehow, checked all my inboxes and don't have any record of you reaching out. But the most important issue at hand here... is the wellbeing of the twins, and handling the damage that has been done due to creating a story based on untruth. What you didn't include in your story, and other facts that I believe make a huge difference are these... 1) We do NOT believe in breaking up families. We have helped many orphan children by supporting their community. But this was a critically time sensitive issue that was brought to us and we chose to help in a way that would help the vulnerable babies survive. Before we even met the twins, I asked the lady on the very first phone call what they were asking us to do, to keep the babies temporarily or permenantly. We wanted to be prepared for either, and thier reply was that the need for adoption was a possibility. We didnt take these babies away from thier home. They were literally handed to us by the father and social worker in our home. We didn't seek them out. 2) In an effort build a healthy and positive relatioship with the family, we have a schedule throughout the year to meet with both sides of the family. We have already financially covered travel, lodging and meals to the father, aunts and uncles multiple times so they could spend time in our home and with the babies. We have also agreed to continue to make trips to the village so they can connect there. 3) At 3 months WE initiated reaching out to the social worker to contact the extended family to see if they wanted the babies back or if we should start with the adoption. We realize it would be harder for the babies to adjust back to a very vulnerable village life the older they got, and wanted to make that transition as early as possible. NO ONE in the family would/could take them were ALL supportive of them staying in our home. 4) The ONLY time any family member wanted the babies back was when they thought someone else was getting money of out if, and when lies were circulating that the children were being sold for body parts to be used in witch craft. Since that has been cleared, there has been NO one in their community to keep the babies. We even offered to supply them with formula if they did. 5) Since my last posts, the father has abandoned his other children and no one has been able to reach him. 6) It is very typical when you do help some families in these situations, that supplies, food, clothing, or bedding provided, is sold for money and then ran off with by a family member. And the children it was inteded for never get the benefits. It has happened to us previously with other orphaned children cared for by the grandmother. 7) You talk about the trauma these newborns have of leaving the village home. If they had been children, that would have been different. They didn't know their home. We were the only home they ever had. Their mother died at birth, the babies spent a 3 nights in the hospital, and spent only 1 night with an overwhlemed grandma before they came to us. We were called because the health dept and social welfare said the babies would not survive in that invironment and there was no one else who would take them. 8) There seems to be an issue with us naming them. Niether the mother nor the father gave them a name, and the social worker asked us what we wanted to name them. We inlcuded a Tongan name to honor thier tribe and heritage. 9) There are other parts of this story that dramtically effected the adoption process and decisions that were made that are too sensitive to share here or on my IG, and niether should I have to. 10) We never looked for a loophole in the law as you stated. "loop-hole" might have been the wrong choice of word, but our intent was to find someone who would stand by us WITHIN the law, when the officials wanted to take the babies, not back to their family, but away from us due ungrounded reasons (child trafficing cases, and other reasons I can't disclose to protect the persons involved.) I would like to ask you, and all those that read this story... Is it rasism to love your neighbor as yourself? To give someone that has nothing, inlcuding the risk of loosing their lives, the gift of your heart and home and everything you have? Should that gift be withheld based on the color of their skin or what culture they come from? Could it be, that by giving these children a chance at life, and love, education and opportunity that they would never have in their current situation, that they could go back to their communities one day and make a bigger impact in their communities and country than we ever could or ever will? If we are blessed with anything, what good does it do if we can't use those recourses to bless others? This is what we chose to do. And I would humbly ask that you share the rest of the story for others to know.

My response to that statement:

We did, in fact, reach out to Alicia Marie Harding. Not through our personal Instagram accounts, but through the account of a social welfare project we’re involved in. We contacted Alicia Marie on April 3rd, to try and help her see the bigger picture in what her and her husband are doing. This was duly ignored, and we can provide evidence of this.

We have not enticed anyone into sending hateful messages, and our communication regarding this case has been nothing but appropriate. However, once we don’t receive any response and the story is put out there, we don’t have control over how others will respond to the situation at hand. We don’t condone sending abusive and nasty DMs/emails to Alicia. It isn’t useful, and distracts from the situation to ensure the right thing is done for the twins. If you want to engage in a conversation, please do so in a productive way.

If what Alicia is saying about the father’s departure is true, there are myriad possible explanations for this. The authorities should be the ones looking into this matter. The fact remains that when the twins’ father expressed the desire to look after his children, this should have been seen as a wonderful opportunity to assist and support his whole family to parent the twins. A relatively small investment into the family’s health, wellbeing and material/economic situation would have not only helped the twins and the father, but the whole family. Sadly, Alicia saw a father’s attempt to parent his own twins as a ‘roadblock’ to adoption, rather than — looking at it from a Christian perspective — realigning the situation to God’s natural order of things.

The twins’ father has lost his wife only a few months ago. He, and in fact the whole family, are grieving. The lack of empathy, support and respect that Alicia and her husband have shown for the whole grieving family — which is clearly being displayed on her Instagram account — is incredibly sad, but not uncommon in intercountry adoption. The trauma, stress and worry of losing someone and being left with twins is significant, and families that go through such terrible events need counselling and support — not have their children removed to then be adopted. We have seen no empathy or support for the first family and the situation that these people found themselves in — just a crusade to adopt the twins through ANY means necessary.

Playing out the adoption process online, through one’s social media accounts and without the consent of the twins’ father, shows the imbalance of power and lack of respect in intercountry adoption processes. This man has lost both his wife and his children and yet his situation is being beamed around the world, without his permission. His very personal loss and trauma has been turned into a public circus. This is NOT okay. Did the twins’ father give written permission to Alicia for sharing photos of the twins, their community, etc.? We highly doubt it.

The father, the twins and their extended family should discreetly and privately be turned into the centre of an intervention to support them through this tragedy. The center stage should not be taken by white, privileged missionaries who have turned adopting the twins into an online crusade.

We hope and actively encourage EVERYONE involved in this process to 1) ensure that the twins are taken back to their father, extended family and/or their community, 2) ensure that the father and family are provided with the right emotional, health and economic support that ensures the twins are safe, healthy and protected, 3) make sure that the family’s privacy is respected as they parent the twins and are given the space to grieve the loss of a loved one. We also hope that Alicia and her family support the father and the twins, and take the time to step back from social media and reflect on the damaging nature of intercountry adoption. There is a large amount of information on this topic out there, that isn’t hard to get your hands on.