Hi Mom, You OK?
By: Bhargavi Sathyaprakash
Tags: Depression, Parenthood, Momlife, Daily Life, Motherhood

To a Mom that needs to be reminded that she is worthy if she JUST shows up because — HUMAN!

You’re a full-time mom in a world of bankers, scientists, doctors, lawyers and teachers. After requesting a break from work, you had nothing to look forward to for few weeks, except the need be fully informed and prepared for parenting. Did you ignore your identity and purpose you once aspired to have, while enjoying the start of the extraordinary experience called “family”?

This could be why.

Becoming a mom has changed you completely. Do you get to pee in private? Do you get to make a sudden dinner plan? Do you get to spend your full Sunday lazing in your bed? These top your list of life’s most unappreciated luxuries today. You never felt more judged than you do as a mom, most of which was probably a figment of your sleepless imagination. Now you could not care less, if you do not have poop smeared on my face, you’re good to go!

This could be why.

Nobody gets to talk about your breastfeeding journey. Let’s not even get there, please. Probably the ONLY thing that is right is your determination to nourish your baby with the best. After the first few months, you are done and devastated because of terrible bouts of mastitis and sleeplessness. “Why is my baby crying so uncontrollably? How many more growth spurts do I survive? where do I still gather so much energy and tolerance from?” You’re still doing it all.

(Bonus tip from my experience: Swaddle your baby, its completely safe and good. if they start giving you unsolicited advice, swaddle them too!)

This could be why.

There is this part of COVID-19 life that is rarely talked about. A part where you have to “Sshhhh” the baby (as if the otherwise mad routine were not enough) for zoom calls and other remote meetings. The part where the entire day is almost mom-made because the dad is accommodating his work from home. The part where the house is invariably both home and office.

This could be why.

Honestly, there cannot be a more difficult time for bubbling emotions than these past few months as the world comes anxious pause due to the coronavirus spread. Now that you have zero assistance from your helper (handling toddlers tantrums and entertaining the babies full day are saved for a separate article!) who has stopped coming home indefinitely, you’re constantly wiping or cutting or cleaning something for someone. When you think you can make your way out of the kitchen for some energy, in a blink, the sink will be full again. And when you finally fall on the couch for an unconscious nap, it is only mostly cheered by your toddler banging away with pans and cans. It seems to be a never-ending struggle to keep your head above the water and survival mode is your default mode.

This could be why.

During all these times, your relationships are being challenged. You sometimes tend to hate your most loving husband (Don’t freak out, it’s temporary and its OK!) You resent his freedom to return to normal life and check his social media in silence while you’re home with the little humans all day. (If looks could kill, my husband would be dead a thousand times over!) But you are making it through, and you still love him.

This could be why.

You honestly have not thought about yourself and your dreams in a long time above the well-being of your children. It is sadly often you who had ambitious and fairy dreams to now stay lost with an unpredictable, chaotic, and noisy toddler at home. With all the distractions of parenting, you do not know why; you have no idea. Sometimes you want to get away from the noise to hear your heart. This realization only hits you hard and makes you very emotional.

This could be why.

Yes, AGREED! But wait! Can we also try to extrapolate and see what happens when you, as a parent, are depressed?

Kids at this age are often forced to become mini adults, taking over duties as a caring sibling or making a meal themselves, if you, as a parent am too depressed to function at all. Their looks may seem very mature and able on the outside, but they can be very vulnerable underneath. Your children will be less motivated socially and academically. You are more critical, and as a result, kids often have more negative images of themselves. Your children are also more likely to have behavioral problems in school because you, as a parent, avoid dealing with discipline at home because of your depression.

So, I say — Everything else can wait. You’re important. Your mental peace is important. You’re enough. Celebrate yourself! Cake for everyone!

So, tomorrow, when you open your eyes,

You would want to start a day in a way you can embrace the chaos even if you do not feel like it. And maybe if you say it, eventually, you will start to believe it. you will continue doing all the things that alleviate the darkness, with the hope that the laughter bellowing through the house can be real and the depression will someday fade completely. For now, you want to hug your kids and cuddle. No matter what you feel, or what the day might bring, they are your sunshine, and they have chosen you to beam their light upon. A light that you may be undeserving of, but one you will work to earn.

And with that belief, someday, you will be their light. And together, you will shine 😊