Bad dreams
By: Sneha Sudhersan
Tags: Short Story, Short Fiction, Bad Relationships, Self Love, Bad Dreams

I’m having a hard time to separate reality from my nightmares. Endless crying and panic attacks through the deep dark night. Sleep was my only escape. Now it’s haunted. I miss it dearly.

“Dreams are manifestations of our subconscious. Nightmares are manifestations of our bad day. You can also wake up Betty! “ – Sally the-know-it-all says so.

How easy!. Between bad days and nights, wish I could vent about it to someone, but No. I’m desperately searching a way to avoid these nightmares. So I have decided not to shut my eyes anymore. I know it sounds foolish!. Bear with me till the end.

Anyway, wish I had the same desperation to solve my bad life. The logic that never hit me. Thus terror continues.

I live in a big house. Beautiful garden surrounding the house at the centre. My grandfather left it for me. He loves to sit in the lawn enjoying the ocean view and the salty breeze. He passed away peacefully sitting there. Now It’s my favourite spot for my ME-time. I’m emotionally attached to this house.

I’m married to a smart husband and I have a handsome little boy. My nightmare days are behind me. I get to close my eyes at nights in peace. The luxury that I always dreamt of. Finally!.

Luke is a perfectionist. He likes things in order, a straight line. At times my husband doesn’t seem to understand the grey areas of life. The only colours he sees are white and black. On the contrary, My darling boy David is Mr. mischief. He is 5 years old. I Love him from bottom of my heart. He is one free soul. He thinks he can fly high up the sky and catch stars. Wish I could fly away with him.

“its time we put this boy in summer classes. He should use his energy somewhere or else there will be nothing left to break in this house. Little rascal!”. - Luke said.

“More sugar” – said as I served him coffee. I poured one myself and sat next to him.

We must give our children a chance to enjoy existence without any boundaries. I wanted to say no to Luke’s idea but I can’t. So I remain silent. I took comfort in sipping my country hazelnut coffee and salty breeze brushing my cheek.

This reminded me to look for David. I couldn’t find him anywhere playing in the lawn or in the shore. I sprang from my chair and my eyes started searching for him widely. He was nowhere to be found. Standing still, I’m trying to remember the last place he was. I don’t recall. To my surprise, I don’t recall anything that happened before coffee. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out what’s happening.

I heard the rusty attic window opening. It has not been opened for centuries. My eyes finally caught David. I exhaled hot breath that I was holding up in anxiety.

“I told you he will be around somewhere”. Luke grinned.

I sighed. I turned to Luke wondering if he was paying attention for what’s happening. I don’t see him being concerned at all.

A sudden hot flash spread intensely all over my face, down to my neck and chest. Realising my son is climbing up on the roof.

“Mommy I’m going to fly. See. I’m going to catch a star. I will come back with your present mommy” – David screamed in joy.

Ice cold tears rolled down my cheek. I was dumbstruck. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t turn to Luke for help. I couldn’t scream. Muscles just froze up. David was far away from us. Luke continues to enjoy the view and his coffee. He was not mentally present.

David raced to the edge of the roof. He did not pause. He did not hesitate. He did not stop. I couldn’t stop him. He just ran with such a innocent excitement.

He hit the ground through the tree branches with a horrible sound. Fear of seeing my son bleeding caught me good. I was able to break free finally. But what’s the point of running now. I could only cry. I know there is no saving from such a fall from that height.

“Silence finally!. He is a good boy, isn’t he betty?”. - said Luke with deep exhale and a satisfactory smile.

I was so angry at Luke. He never liked David. He never loved me. He never really cared for any of us. All he wanted is to be right. He tricked us in staying with him to fill his dark void. I always wanted an out. But all I did was cry and beg for years.

Again a sudden hot flash all over my hands, lap and neck. It was my son’s thick red hot blood. He on my lap bleeding and dead. I hugged him, screamed and cried. I screamed so much I could taste my blood from the rupture. I lost the one true happiness in my life. The one that mattered more than my sleep and freedom. I lost it all.

I screamed my way out of the nightmare. The nightmare of my son’s death. The overwhelming feeling of losing my son struck me hard and deep. I continued to cry. For unknown reason, I don’t want to stop crying. I don’t want to wipe my tears and convince it was just a bad dream. I don’t want to stop mourning for my imaginary son. I don’t want to stop it. I wanted it all out.

Another bad day, another bad dream. I’m cursed with absurd dreams. I fear this will to be my future. This has to change now. I have to change it all. Else I would have nothing left.

No sleep. No peace. No freedom. No David. Just Luke and his darkness around me.

It takes bad dreams to break free from bad relationships.