What’s Your Why?
By: Stacy L. Andrews, Ma, Lpcc
Tags: Mental Health, Counseling, Motivation, Values, Whats Your Why

Over the last decade, Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” has made an impact on how corporate leaders view strategic planning. “Why” has become a buzzword within the business world, and sometimes it fades into the background with other corporate-speak. But this concept is an important one, and it speaks to how humans are motivated. Understanding your “why” — the core values that motivate you — helps you define your goals, manage your time, and set boundaries within your life. When we understand ourselves, our motivations, and our drives, we understand who we are.

How do I figure out my values?

This is the hard part. Values are inherently valuable. When someone hands you a list like this and says “pick your top values” you can’t. There’s too much choice and all values are valuable. No one wants to be the person who says that timeliness or diversity isn’t important. Lists of values are lists of human attributes that most of us think are important, and that makes it very difficult to rank them. There’s also social pressure, the values you were raised with, and other ways that the words on the page can affect you. Just picking out some values from a chart isn’t helpful.

Instead, write down the things you dream of doing. If you had no limits — unlimited time, money, resources, support — what would you do? How would you spend your time? What is your dream life? Write down the details. Don’t just write “I’d be rich.” Write about what you would do with the money. Would you sail around the world? Start a non-profit? Buy an island? Surf every day? What would you do if you could do anything?

Write that list down.

Now, next to each item on that list, write down how it would make you feel. What emotions are connected to that item? For example, say you listed: “I would sail around the world with my partner.” How would that make you feel? Happy? Content? Exhilarated? Curious? Excited? How does having your partner there make you feel? Connected? Trustworthy? Safe? What does it mean to sail the world? What does that action say about you? That you’re accomplished? Intelligent? That you have endurance? That you’re strong?

Look at your list of emotions and meaning. What themes are coming out of it? In this example, the emotions connected with the action are all related to excitement. The emotions related to doing this with your partner are all related to connection. The other list is related to strength.

In this example, the values are “excitement, connection, and strength.”

Do this exercise for your biggest dreams, and see what themes come out of it. When you find several different dreams that are all related to one theme, that theme is a core value. Once you have your top 3–5 core values identified, write them down and keep the list someplace where you’ll see it every day.

Living your core values

In order to feel motivation, passion, and drive, we must live in accordance with our core values. Our decisions, routines, hobbies, and interactions need to be closely aligned with our core values in order to sustain motivation and passion. Each day think about how your actions relate to your core values. Sometimes they are obvious — if one of your core values is “adventure” and you’re going hiking on a new trail, then your action is aligned with your core values. Some of them are less obvious. No one enjoys paying monthly rent/mortagage payments, but we do it because we value the roof over our head, safety, family, etc.

When you understand your core values — your “why” — then you can understand your goals, find your passion, and find reasons to be resilient when things get tough. Your core values are who you are. You deserve to embrace them fully.