I Love a Good Story
By: William, Dollar Bill
Tags: Sex Work, Nonfiction, Humor, Escorts, Culture

I Love a Good Story

And this escort actually had one!

photo by author — girl on the right is the storyteller

Everybody loves a good story. And everybody thinks they have one. But in reality, very few do — especially when the storytellers are escorts — and I’m their audience. Their not-so-entertaining anecdotes are almost always about brushes with the police (snore). They think those stories are sooo exciting. I think they’re totally boring. What can I say? The same bull shit over and over again gets tired — especially when it wasn’t even a good story the first time around.

Having said that, I did have a client who told excellent stories. Ya know stuff like female inmates “servicing” corrections officers on Rikers Island right through the bars at 3 AM in exchange for cigarettes…or strawberries…or Lady Bic shavers! One of the CO’s was so good-looking, the girls would virtually line-up to blow him. He didn’t even need to bring anything!

Or take the one about Passover time…when all the inmates opted for Judaism so they could partake in the seder, where blow jobs aplenty were conducted under the table!

Well, those are pretty good stories. But the one I liked best from my favorite storyteller is an anecdote about the house’s crappy photographer. He’s actually a professional who brings in lights and all that shit that’s supposed to signal that you have some talent for your profession. But in reality, the guys sucks. His final product blows. I could do better with a Duane Reade disposable…and I don’t even pretend to be a photographer. (Eventually, he got fired and I got his job as it turned out.)

So anyway…this dildo gets a hankering for one of his subjects who not only thinks he’s a total dork — but absolutely hates the guy and will not join him “in the room” under any circumstances. She doesn’t care how many thousand guys she’s serviced in her lifetime…she has standards. And there’s no way in hell she’s gonna deal with this guy!

Instead of understanding what a complete pariah he is to this particular piece of feminine pulchritude, the dude dons a fucking disguise — like he’s a Hacidic Jew…complete with the black hat and the long coat and oh my God! Talk about a stark raving loser! Who the hell puts on an act like that just so he can play with an escort? What a profound spud!

And get this! He gets away with it. Now that’s gotta be one dumb fucking garden tool! One-half hour with this snark and she never figured out that he was in fact the one guy in the entire world she’d decided to reject! Ya see. Now that’s a good fucking story right there.

Talk about having absolutely no dignity! And the best thing about it? I’m talking about the guy buying the service — and not the woman providing it.

And this storyteller has several more tales to amaze. Like the time she signed on to mud wrestle at a strip joint and got her ass kicked and ate so much mud at the hands of an amazon stripper that she signed off after one match.

Or how about the time she went into the Federal Witness Protection program and moved to Minnesota to sell Pappagalo shoes for a living? But I’ll save those for another day.

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