STOP SABOTAGING YOURSELF
By: Mother Of Pearl'S Freelance
Tags: Anger, Sabotage, Mental Health, Happy, Control

If I were to ask you the question,”Do you sabotage your own life?”, the quick answer would probably be, NO! I don’t know anyone who likes to think that they get in their own way. Surely you’ve heard the saying, “You cannot change what you are not willing to acknowledge.” When you are not willing to acknowledge the behaviors that hold you back in life, you are sabotaging your own way. You do not have to live behind sabotaging walls. You can have the victory!

Remember, Every Day is a New Day to Get Life Right…You Can Win Over Self-Sabotaging Mindsets, Take Your Power Back… BEAT DEFEAT TODAY

It’s easy to sabotage yourself when you are reaching towards future goals. You will recognize the signs of sabotage as you try to develop healthier habits, complete assignments, manage your weight, build healthy relationships or save money. Self-sabotage has an array of causes — but the end result is that you get off track, mess up relationships, or don’t do as well as you would like. Sabotage leads to being hard on yourself. Living with an expectancy to fail, which forces you to avoid facing failure head-on, which keeps-up the cycle.

Let’s look at what causes a person to sabotage their own life. Think about this, you’re walking down the street, you come upon a house with a small picket fence. As you approach the house, this dog comes out of nowhere and charges the fence, barking ferociously. You’re startled, but you think to yourself, “All he had to do, is leap over that little fence to get me.” Why doesn’t he do it? What was stopping him from getting me? Whether the dog’s master has rigged the fence with electronic sensors or the dog is intimidated by the fact that he is fenced in, he was trapped by fear walls. Fear walls affect every aspect of our lives. Today, people suffer in silence, trapped in their own minds behind fear walls. They are conditioned by the fear of failure, the fear of success, or the fear of being pained again. Fear walls create a sabotaging cycle of defeat that keeps you away from the thing you want. It’s horrible to have a vision of something, deeply want it, and not feel free to get it.

Have you heard the term, “satan is the enemy of your soul?” As long as you have an enemy, you will live through painful events. The memories of painful events act as an electronic sensor that shocks you when the memory is triggered. You can become so emotionally engaged, that you become unstable in your behavior. Sabotaging behaviors block you from healthy new experiences.

Here is a personal story where I came face to face with a painful experience that created a door-point to fear in my life. On a beautiful sunny day, a girlfriend and I were on our way to a Mary Kay Conference. I was in the driver’s seat, feeling real good, cruising down the highway. We slowed down to drive through the toll, and picked up speed, moving around the bend. We were singing and bouncing to the music when I looked up and smack dab in front of me was a colossal bridge. In that moment I didn’t know why, but I at once panicked. My hands flew up in the air. My driving foot followed the rest of my body, which went spastic.

I screamed to the top of my lungs while hyperventilating, “OH MY GOD! NO! NO!”

My girlfriend said with fear, “What is wrong with you?” She hollered, “PULL OVER DENISE!”

I cried, “No, please I don’t want to go over that bridge!”

Like a little girl, I crumbled. She helped me pull over. I got in on the passenger side and climbed under the glove compartment. I was shivering as she drove us over the bridge. What I did not remember even in that moment, was why I was so afraid. It wasn’t until after the emotional attack that I remembered what happened.

When I was a teen, my Dad came to visit. Mom and Dad were divorced. I wanted to go with him to his home in Pennsylvania for a visit. My Mom kept throwing up red flags insisting that I not go. I couldn’t understand why she objected. I was 14, and up until that day I had no idea my father was Schizophrenic. I wanted to get to know him. I felt this would be my chance. She gave up and said, “Go ahead Denise, since you gotta know.” I packed my bags and headed off to Pennsylvania with my father. The trip started out pleasant. Hours in, he flips the script on me. He begins to speak out loud about some random situation that happened, before he left his home to come and visit me.

I’m looking and listening to him talk to himself, when out of the blue, I turn and see that we are about to cross this major bridge in New Jersey. As we approached the base of the bridge, my Dad started saying the unthinkable. I looked over at him as his face turned angry.

He said, “Before I give this car to them, I will drive this car off the bridge.” Then he bellowed, “I WILL TURN THIS CAR, WITH US IN IT, INTO THAT RIVER!!!” He repeated himself over and over. Fear gripped me. Petrified, I looked out the side window, and through the railing, as we went higher and higher into the sky, I responded, “Please Daddy, please don’t kill us!” I pleaded, “Daddy please, I can’t swim!”

I was unaware, that childhood experiences, could turn into painful triggers. The memory, was so deeply embedded, in my subconscious mind. A memory triggered at age thirty-two, had the power to control my entire body. My mind, my will, and my emotions were wrapped up in that one moment. I surrendered my control to the fear of a memory. Once I reached the other side, I realized, I would never be able to cross that bridge like that again, unless, I did away with the FEAR that controlled me.

I am happy to say, over the years I addressed the fear walls that prevented me from driving over the bridge. By broadening my perspective and re-framing my objectives, I was able to tear down the walls of fear that held me hostage. Today, I can cross that bridge, all by myself. I want you to know, that you can cross the bridges in your life, as well. You must be willing to look at the fears of your past, no matter what they are, so that you can fully embrace the opportunities waiting for you in your future.

This is a list of 10 action items for you to put in place. They will help you to tear down the fear walls designed to hold you hostage.

1. Choose to be honest with yourself.

2. Become sensitive to memory triggers when engaging new experiences.

3. Begin to recognize the uncomfortable feeling that indicates that you are facing a trigger surrounding a certain painful memory.

4. Make a conscious decision that you are going to exercise patience, before jumping to conclusions, that judge or dismiss the new experience.

5. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you make a mistake, get up, brush yourself off, and begin again. Ask for forgiveness if necessary.

6. Add faith to the mix. The memory is designed to stop you in your tracks. As soon as you become aware, pray for wisdom on how to re-frame your thoughts, about the new experience.

7. Be open-minded.

8. Make a conscious decision to readdress the situation differently. It may take a couple of times to get it right. Be determined to overcome the behavior that keeps you tied to your brokenness.

9. Celebrate your success.

10. Use your success to help someone else to find their way from behind fear walls.