5 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself in 2020
By: June Westerfield
Tags: Self-awareness, Self Improvement, Self Love

Image by Shahariar Lenin from Pixabay

It’s that time of year again. A couple of weeks ago everyone made a bunch of New Year’s Resolutions. Three weeks in and most of them have been discarded and everyone is feeling crappy about it. We are often very hard on ourselves. Instead of making resolutions, we should try, instead, to be a little kinder to ourselves.

Ditch the Resolutions

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The entire concept of New Year’s resolutions is based on the assertion that we aren’t enough, didn’t do enough, and weren’t good enough in the previous year. So we resolve to be better, do better, and finally be enough by setting ridiculously hard to achieve goals, which we expect to attain within just a few weeks. These goals almost always involve body changes that will magically make us better people.

The goals aren’t the whole problem. We tend to try to make our goals by using extreme means that are not sustainable for long. It’s a recipe for failure, feelings of defeat, sadness and depression.

So forget the resolutions. Try looking for the positive instead of the negative in order to invoke change.

One way to do this is creating a 3 Good Things challenge for yourself. Keep a small notebook and pen beside your bed and just before you go to bed each night write down three good things that happened that day. It might be something as simple as noting that you didn’t hit snooze on the alarm and got up on time and weren’t running late, or something someone said that made you smile. Some days it might be harder to find the good things, but try. If you wore matching shoes, that’s good. Some of us have blundered there before. LOL.

The point is, starting a routine that has you habitually looking for positive and “good” things, might help you find positive ways to make the changes you want, or it might show you that you don’t need to make as many changes as you thought. If nothing else, it will likely give you a little bit of joy.

Discover Joyful Movement

Exercise is an ugly word that brings to mind stretching and pushing your body until you are tired and sore. Or at least, that’s what it signifies to me. I hate exercise. But I don’t hate being active. I love swimming, dancing, riding bikes, and playing volleyball. I hate walking on treadmills, running laps, doing situps, and any boring, repetitive movement that is supposed to be “good for me” but is really aimed at changing my body. Exercise makes me feel bad and like a failure afterward. Do you avoid “exercise” for similar reasons?

Fact is, you should move your body because you enjoy it and it makes your body feel good. So what do you enjoy doing? If you have mobility issues, talk to your doctor. There should be some ways to move your body even if it’s nothing more than turning on your favorite music and shaking your booty while sitting on the sofa. So, it’s more like shaking your arms and shoulders, but you get the point.

My favorite way to move my body is to dance around the house like a spastic 5 year old. It’s awesome. And it always leaves me feeling energized (if a little out of breath).

Whatever you choose to do, don’t do it because you hate your body or because you want to change your body. Whatever movement you choose, do it because it makes you happy, it’s fun, and because it makes your body feel better. Do it because you love your body.

Give Yourself a Break

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Are you harder on yourself than other people? Do you think harsh, unforgiving things about yourself that you would never say to someone else? Do you berate yourself for mistakes you would forgive in others? Do you have traits that you see as quirks in others but flaws in yourself? Does your self-talk resemble something you would discipline a child for saying to someone else?

We are often harshest with ourselves. Next time you catch yourself in the middle of negative self-talk, or make a mistake that makes you angry with yourself, stop, take a breath, and think what you would say to your best friend if she were the one you were talking to.

Okay, so if you talk to your bestie like I do mine, you might tell yourself to get an effing grip. But then you would give understanding and encouragement.

Take a Moment

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This one is easier said than done, I know. Especially for those mom’s out there. I know most of you are thinking “Easy to say by someone who doesn’t have kids at home”. It’s true, my stepson is an adult now and never lived with us full time. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand, quite well, the concept of not having time to yourself. We all have different obligations and responsibilities that tug on our time. Whether it’s kids, spouse, job or community responsibilities, women in general carry huge emotional loads. Finding a few minutes every day, or even every other day, to have some silent decompression time is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. I take mine in the shower. It’s not very eco-friendly, and my water bill is higher because of it, but 5 extra minutes under the hot water with no one asking me for anything, no animals needing fed or cuddles, no emails or instant messages. It’s 100% me time. It clears my head and makes me more ready and able to deal with the world.

Even if it’s something as small as sitting in your car in the grocery store parking lot five extra minutes before doing the shopping, try to find a couple of minutes to just sit and breathe.

Eat the Cupcake

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Okay, so if you have diabetes and eating the cupcake will put you into a coma, then maybe rethink the cupcake. But if there are no life & death reasons why you shouldn’t eat it, and you aren’t stealing it, and you want it, then by golly, eat it! Or the taco, or the apple, or the tofu stir-fry, or whatever.

Food is neither good nor bad. Though, what you do or don’t eat can make you physically feel either good or bad, it has absolutely ZERO moral value.

When we put moral value on food, then we give it the power to also hurt us emotionally. Denying yourself can make you feel sad and depressed. And if you are in the “denial” frame of mind, “slipping” and eating that super delicious taco can flood you with feelings of guilt, shame, and depression.

I’m not an expert in the Health At Every Size (HAES) movement or the intuitive eating concept by any means, but I believe both have immeasurable value.

Whether or not you subscribe to or pursue either theory, you can’t go wrong by just listening to your body, and feeding it and your spirit in the way that feels good and right to you both physically and emotionally.