Thursday,December 17 2020
By: Lena Lou
Tags: Diary, Teens, Minecraft, Day In The Life

Today was a average day to be honest. It was a ped-day so i could stay home and not worry about the daily school anxiety. I woke up at around 11:30 and answered all my notifications i then proceeded to stay in my bed and watch tiktoks for about 1 hours then played minecraft for around 2 and a half hours, i then realized i was quite hungry considering i haven't eaten since last night at supper so i got up and headed for the kitchen to make a delicious nutella and peanut butter sandwich. When i was done i got a call from my mother saying she had arrived. At first i was a bit confused but quickly remembered i had my therapist appointment at 4 and it was 3:30, i jumped out of bed and trew on some basic blue mom jeans that i found in my laundry basket to go with my tpwk hoodie. I ran to my mirror and slapped some mascara on while my mom was telling me to hurry up. I came out of my room with my mask in one hand and my phone in the other. I sat down on the stairs the descend into the dark basement where the door was and Swiftly put on my black converse on which my friend drew bats and put halloween stickers on and ran out the door, my mom followed shortly after. I sat in the car that i hate, put on my seatbelt and we were off. On the way there i remembered that i hadn't done what she asked, i quickly open my notes app on my phone and write a list ranking the things that cause my the most anxiety for 1 being the least and 10 being the most.

The appointment with my therapist went like usual, we talked about things i did this week that caused me to have anxiety and she gave me ways the help. She was very happy to hear that i volunteered to speak to the class. She gave me homework i guess you could call it for me to do over the christmas holidays, i had to do another list of the things that causes me to have anxiety but this time i have to write things that i can do regularly for example raising my hand in class, stuff like that. I really wanted to talk to her about my symptoms of depression but i never get the courage to, oh well hopefully i'll tell her next time.

My dad was there to pick me up when my appointment was over at 5. We directly went to my uncle's house. I was kind of upset because my dad had not brought my makeup bag like i asked him but in his defence he had already left the house. I was feeling pretty bad about myself because i only had mascara on and i was wearing a shitty outfit. We were going to my uncle's house so he could go christmas shopping, he doesn't have a car so my dad basically has to be his chauffeur. While they were gone shopping i had to babysit and make dinner but it honestly wasn't trouble considering my cousins are like 11 and 7 and they mostly stay around my brother who was also there. As for the supper, it was only spaghetti so it only took around 10 minutes to make. While eating we talked about corpse and how much i love him. My cousin also told me that i was balding and that truly made me want to kill myself even more. After supper i went back on the couch until my dad and uncle arrived.

The drive home was honestly kind of miserable. I was sat in the backseat reading a ‘dreamwasfound’ or whatever the ship name is fanfiction called heat waves when my dad asked me if i was going to go in the shower tonight and i said no, and that turned into a whole conversation about how lazy i am and how disgusting i am an blah blah blah. And ofcourse me being me i almost cried. The conversation ended with my dad saying he's only trying to understand, and i know he's trying to help but its so frustrating when people dont understand.

When i got home i directly went to my room and decided to play minecraft for about an hour and a half. I then moved to my bed talked to some people then went to tiktok when my dad came in my room and asked me to come help him wrap presents, i didn't really want to but to be nice i did. He again asked how he could help with then whole shower thing and i said there's nothing he can really do. We wrapped presents for about 20 minutes with my music playing in the background. He then asked me to add things to my christmas list and so i did.

The night ended with me finishing the first chapter of heat waves than starting the second one and of course going on tiktok. And so here i am, it is currently 1:08 Am and i'm writing this because i was a girl on tiktok saying i could get money. I should probably go to bed considering i have school tomorrow, even though its online i still have to wake up at early and do it.

-lena