Lessons Learned: A Millennial Black Woman’s Take On 2020
By: Sayou Cooper
Tags: 2020, Mindfulness, New Year, Lessons Learned, Black Women

As someone born with the Sun placed in Sagittarius, I have willingly woken up and chosen chaos. With that being said, 2020 was not exactly a walk in the park. This year was giving peak existential crisis vibes mixed with regular mental breakdowns, but I survived. Here are a few things I learned along the way.

I am rooting for everyone Black…or at least melanated.

2020 saw yet another recorded killing of another Black body due to police brutality go viral. This time was slightly different because I guess for a lot of White folks it was finally (debatably) time to open their eyes to the plight of Black folks in America. They emerged newly educated, most likely after reading a nice White lady’s book on race. Brands issued solidarity statements and pledges to do better. Systemic and institutional racism were new buzzwords.

Of course, I got those obligatory check-ins from White associates, coworkers, former professors, you name it. Except for one or two, I never really responded and let them wallow in their guilt. By the time summer was over, my social circles had tightened, most notably my few White relationships had mostly disappeared. My nearly three-year relationship with a White partner ended too this year. I am not saying interracial friendships between White and Black folks are not attainable, but in this current moment, they are not for me.

As a Black woman, White friendships can be dubious, and often a bit traumatic. I am not teaching anyone about White supremacy, nor am I diving into conversations about how my race has affected me. I am looking for more of a let us grab a drink here or there, text occasionally, but nothing further. We have surface-level conversations about race, but never too deep enough, just enough to know they are safe(ish). Black and Brown people, specifically Black women have carried me through this year. They have dried my tears when I cried, provided a laugh when I desperately needed it, and restored me when I needed rest.

Girl, I am doing me.

Do not expect me to show up anywhere, and do not question me about it either. Yes, that is me active on social media while your texts are on read and calls unanswered. Why are you in my business when I did not invite you? I am a free Black woman, I do as I please.

As someone who is naturally a homebody, this pandemic has provided some bitter-sweet reprieve from my regular mix of social engagements. For years, especially in college, I would always get really bad FOMO(fear of missing out). I got shit from friends who thought I did not go anywhere, or if I did go…I would always leave too soon.

With the copious amounts of death that occurred throughout this year, 2020 has taught me to never take anything for granted and to show up always as my full self. I am not matching anyone’s energy. I am not boxing my opinions, pleasures, or desires for no one.

We move.

I had so many plans for this year that went array, manifestations that were not fulfilled, and nothing was for certain. I moved three times in six months, got a new job, my health declined…honestly the list goes on.

At the moment, these events were incredibly hard to come up against, but we move. I cannot obsess and stress about things that are not within my control. Whatever life has to entail, I am just here to ride the journey.