Journey To Fill Your Emptiness
Tags: Happiness, Life, Journey

When I got my first job, I’m so excited because I thought I have my dream job. Maybe that’s the case for most college fresh grads. I remember that it’s not easy for a couple of weeks. Adjusting from college life to social life. But I remember that my eyes were burning with excitement — youngster.

The first year I spend my life similar when I was in college, playing video games. It’s not about the games, it’s about playing with friends. Some of you might relate to this. But over time my friends got married and having kids. We were playing every night, but after that we never play again — don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them.

Having a lot of time on my hand, I began wondering what do I want to do with my time. I hooked with manga again after a few years I left it. Reading manga is effective to spend — waste — your time. I can spend 3 hours straight without remembering what did I do. Time flies so fast.

Fast forward I felt bored again after the emptiness comes to visit me. Everything kind of dull. I left manga for the second time. Now I have a lot of time again on my hand — also emptiness.

I still keep in touch with my gaming friend. One of them gave an idea to create a tutorial website about daily life tech stuff. Something in me feels strange, I never thought my emptiness fade away as I wrote. I write code every day, but I never have this kind of feeling.

I started to write things other than tutorials, I write reviews of k-dramas. Yes you right, I love watching k-dramas. I wrote tens of reviews, but eventually I don’t feel good about it anymore. It because when I’m watching the movie, there is part of me processing what should I write about it. That makes me enjoy the movie less.

At this point, I knew that writing is what excites me. But what kind of writing do I really enjoy. I kept looking for it until one day I remember that I like to read stories about finding happiness and peace of mind. My first book is about “Law Of Attraction”, my high school teacher told me about it but I forgot the title. I kept reading about that kind of stuff. My friends gave me this weird expression when I told a story about that kind of stuff, they told me I grew up too fast for my age — I become the weird one.

Fast forward I began to write on Medium. If you check my story, I just started a week ago. But my journey to come to this place started a long time ago. I write about happiness and peace of mind. If you ask me, do I have a qualification to write one, my answer is NO. If what you mean by qualification is a degree. Writing for me is my way of consoling myself. Because I’m not perfect and I interested in this field. You can read well-written detail about it from Seth Godin. I don’t know whether writing here is what I was looking for, but for now it is.

For you who still on your journey to find what to do with your time and emptiness, I will try to summarize my process of thinking to a couple of points.

Look around you

Sometimes we can’t see what is right in front of us. For me, I’m not aware of things around me that have become my daily life — things become automated. Knowing what you like and don’t like might give you insight about what to do.

For example from the beginning of my career, writing becomes part of me. Every day I write code, but I’m not aware of it because it becomes automated over time. Writing about happiness excites me the most — for now.

Try it yourself

When you try to do new things, there are two possibilities either you like it or not. I know it scary to try things that you might not like. But what if you actually like it?

I never knew that I can fill in my emptiness through writing — because every day I write code and I still feel empty. But for me, type of writing also plays the role to fill in my emptiness. Don’t jump to a conclusion too fast, take it slow and try it yourself. You don’t need to try to do something big, it just gonna overwhelm you.

Try something small first, anything positive will do. Beware not to spend money too much on your trial and error. Minimize your cost as much as possible. If you try something costly and you don’t like it, it might become a disaster. You might give up finding your things. Take it slow.

Ask for help

I hope you have someone to ask for help. For you might need help from someone else to know better about yourself. One might find it hard to introspect himself — like me. Sometimes someone else can describe you better than yourself.

I don’t have many friends, I don’t need additional fingers to count it. I thought I rarely speak. But my friends told me that I’m quite chatty. They told me sometimes I can blabber non stop. If it just me, I won’t be able to figure it out. It applies when you try to find what you want to do. You might miss the thing you try to look for, especially when you don’t know what you looking for.