30 for 30 — Day 2: Do the math, take the risk.
By: Pat Almquist
Tags: 30s, Risk, Thailand

30 for 30 — Day 2: Do the math, take the risk.

The smile after any possible near-death experience. September 2018, Bangkok.

Day 2: Do the math, take the risk.

Nick and Mike had left for Bali after our 5 days in Thailand, and I had a day in Bangkok to myself. I toured the local temples but still had to hit up the weekend market as I had been recommended.

I had spent the last week walking around touring with friends. My legs were tired and I did not feel like walking the 8km to the market so I pulled out my phone and got on what I was told was the equivalent of Thai Uber. (side note: some Buddhist temples have wifi now? nothing brings me inner peace like some incense and Angry Birds)

I ordered the cheapest car option they had and waited on the curb by the temple as my “Suzuki Nex” made its way to me. The app buzzed and I looked around for the car and it appeared he was NOT where I was. The only person around was a 5'4" Thai maon a moped — who also seemed to be looking for someone. I clicked on the Suzuki Nex in the app and the image of the car came up….I had ordered a motorbike. That explains the cheap rate.

Through rough translations with this man we determined that this was indeed my ride and this tiny Thai man was indeed supposed to ferry me to the weekend market.

I did the math. On one hand, if he drove me somewhere sketchy and 2 more tiny Thai men came at me with bike helmets I think I could take them, but it was a risk. You’re in a foreign country with no emergency contact and no idea where anything is. Mom would not approve.

On the other hand, the sight of me riding this moped and grasping onto him like a bear in a circus is a hilarious image, so fuck it. Let’s do it.

I shit you not, we were 5min into our 20min ride and monsoon season decided to arrive then and there. This 70lb bike, driven by a 120lb man, giving a ride to a 190lb foreigner was not doing well under the circumstances. This poor little man absorbed every drop of the rain that would have hit my front torso and our 45mph speed kept the downpour from soaking my back. Sadly my face, which stuck out above his helmet (which gave me prime viewing of the imminent crash I was expecting as Thai drivers came within inches of us) was just blasted with rain.

We almost took out the side mirror (I say we, in reality it was my elbow sticking out 8in past his) of a truck stopped in traffic and he decided we were going to stop under an overpass while we waited out the rain clouds. I guessed this because we stopped under an overpass and ceased to move.

So for the next 20min we sat there. He spoke in Thai to me and I nodded my head and replied back in English hoping he had some idea and that I was on track.

Him: ฉันฆ่าใครบางคนที่นี่ — I once murdered someone right here.

Me: Yes. It is raining very hard.

Eventually the rain subsided, I was not murdered, and I arrived at the weekend market where I could purchase every knick-knack known to man, including gifts for loved ones that would never guess that my thoughtful trinket only cost me $0.42 in America. I am a giver.

I could only laugh as the driver and myself looked at each other soaked to the bone before he departed. We exchanged a few more words,

Him: ฉันดีใจที่ไม่ได้ฆ่าเธอ — I am glad I didn’t kill you. You are nice.

Me: I am glad you didn’t kill me. That was fun.

and a snapped a photo and he zoomed off.

I hopped onto a motorbike with a stranger who spoke no English in a foreign country headed to a place I had never been. That’s a risk. I regret nothing.

Giddyup,

Pat