Ideas in the Wild: How Shari Moss is Helping People Shed Their Shame To Share Their Story
By: Zach Obront
Tags: Emotional Health, Healing, Shame, Healing From Trauma, Honesty

At the age of eight, Shari Moss lived in a single motel unit in the middle of the desert with her three siblings. Isolated from her peers and too poor for toys, she would spend hours flipping through the pages of the motel’s Sears catalog, imagining the home she so desperately wanted.

Her journey crosses multiple cities in two countries as she finds love, goes through hell and back, and continuously searches for that perfect house and a life she can be proud of.

After writing two books to help millennials through these challenging and competitive times, Shari opens up about her own life in For the Right Kind of Love, a memoir about overcoming the past and finding joy in helping others. I recently caught up with Shari to learn what inspired her to write the book and the biggest lessons she’s learned during her journey.

What happened that made you decide to write the book? What was the exact moment when you realized these ideas needed to get out there?

It really was a combination of things that led me to write the book, but let’s put it this way: I’ve wanted to write my story, or journey, for a number of years now, but knew two things. First, it wasn’t over yet, and second, there would be some clue or intuition when that time was right.

As for writing it, well, my story is one of survival from a very early age right up to middle age, for not just one reason but many, including inequality, judgement, female empowerment, codependency, and so on. I believed that if I could succeed as much as I have through very powerful determination and perseverance, that is something that should be shared in order to help others overcome any of the challenges. Letting them know they are not alone, in the things that most of us just don’t share about ourselves, to me is very powerful.

As for that “moment” of discovery that this had to get out there? It revolves around my passion and work with the One Last Talk movement, founded by Philip McKernan whom Scribe knows very well. While I was on the journey of discovering and attending many of the Talks in different countries, there was one in particular that struck me the most deeply. It was in a prison in Colorado where six men stood up amongst their own and spoke of things very, very clearly from their heart and their own suffering. The reaction from the “audience” was something to really see. I said to myself right at that moment that if they could do what I just witnessed, then what excuse did I have for not sharing my own story when it could help so many?

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned going through the journey you share in the book?

Likely the biggest lesson for me as I journeyed through this is the shedding of shame, the incredible lifting of weight when you’ve simply told the truth and truly opened up about your experience, the guilt for what part you may feel you owned. Those are the liberating things that do happen and I felt an enormous sense of purpose while that was happening.

I learned a few years ago, as my kids transitioned into young adults, that it was OK to say I didn’t have the answer necessarily or that I had made a mistake. To admit, quite simply, that I was human. It created an even deeper relationship and trust.

Trust is such an important factor in all types of relationships. My lesson? Being completely open and honest, with the intent to help others, is an incredible way to honour yourself.

How will you apply this lesson in your life moving forward?

I won’t be afraid to show who I am on the inside. That’s not always easy to do, and, naturally, comes with a degree of dignity and decorum, but it’s something to live by. I think the word authentic is overused, and by that I mean the definition can become diluted or not altogether clear. So, what I would like to say is by “being real,” I mean always staying true to my core beliefs and championing myself by remembering I do have the power to help others.

That is where I believe my purpose lies. Remembering where I came from and what I came through, that is what gives me the joy of life every day. I can and will lift others up by “hearing” them when they need to talk. If I have helped one person with my works or my books, then I will have done great work. To remember that is life moving forward.