Five Lessons I Learned From Deboarding The Social Media Train
By: Cassie Regan
Tags: Growth, Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Lessons Learned, Social Media

Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

I posted to Medium for the first time last month as a little birthday promise to myself. Before this, I had been social media free for the last five years (and yes, I consider Medium a form of social media). I have not posted, tagged, liked, or tweeted for a full five years and believe it or not — I am just fine. I have not lost touch with world or been ostracized by friends and family. In fact, I feel like I gained far more than I lost. Here are just a few of the lessons I learned from getting off the social media train:

Avoid Judgement: Giving it and Getting it

When I had social media, I have to admit, I was quick to judge others. It is a natural human instinct to compare, evaluate, and make judgements, but social media tends to heighten this. Most people tend to put the ‘highlight reel’ of their lives (or at least an airbrushed version of their life) on social media. I found myself making snap assumptions, judging others for what they posted or even for what they didn’t post.

I would see the juxtaposition of people that I knew in real life with all their normal day-to-day highs and lows in comparison to their online persona of perfection. I would witness a brutal fight between a couple or hear from a mother about to snap and then like magic — I would see their posts to social media about how incredible their significant other is or how blessed they are to be a mom. I couldn’t help myself thinking, liar! Why not just be honest? Or why even post that at all?

Then I took a critical step back, what kind of judgmental beast have I turned into?! Would I not do the same thing? I was definitely guilty of finding just the right filter for a selfie or only posting when I was doing something I felt was worthwhile. Would I want people thinking the same about me? Even knowing this, it was hard to flick off that disapproving devil on my shoulder.

I also felt the tinge of disappointment (self-perceived judgement) when I would post a picture or make a statement and, either it didn’t get feedback the feedback I expected or worse, got no feedback at all. It was difficult to compartmentalize the two worlds, social media and social reality.

Once that ‘delete account’ button was pushed though, the heavy weight lifted and I was able to center again. I was able to enjoy those I knew for who they were, flaws and all. I no longer would spend precious time scrolling back through comments or previous posts thinking of how others viewed them. I was able to spend that time connecting and learning rather than continuing to run on the judgement hamster wheel.

Take the Pressure Off: Cherish the Moment

With social media, I felt a pressure to broadcast every seemingly great moment and keep people updated with my daily experiences. I would be on an incredible hike and instead of taking in that beautiful moment, I was looking for the best lighting for a scenic selfie. I was losing sight of the present moment. What was more important, the experience itself or making sure to document it?

The first hike I took post social media shutdown, I felt instantly the freedom and euphoria of cherishing the present moment. Knowing that the experience would not be shared with anyone else, created a sense of intimacy that enhanced the experience more than I could have known. It was like slowing down to enjoy a favorite meal without the distractions of a phone or TV and really tasting every flavor. I was able to take it all in. I still took pictures but this time, I took them for me and no one else.

Reevaluate Relationships: Quality Over Quantity

One harsh but very significant thing I learned was the quality of my relationships. The minute I stepped away from social media I had a quick and intense reality check of who was truly my friend and who was a ‘Facebook friend’. For those that I had a strong foundation with or were long-time friends spanning years, my absence from social media did not alter our friendship in the slightest. In fact, it almost enhanced it. Instead of assuming they had ‘checked out my story’, we texted, called, Facetimed, and wait for it…actually hung out in person!

It was however a sad realization that many of those that I had assumed were close friends were actually convenience friends; meaning they were there for a like of a photo or generic birthday message when they were alerted to it, but without social media I literally became an ‘out of sight out of mind’ friend. To be fair, I was completely guilty of the same. It was one hundred percent a mutual ghosting experience. I realized who I actually wanted to reach out to, to hear from, and longed to hang out with. It was a tough realization, but honestly, one of the most maturing moments to have as an adult.

Leaving social media gave me the clarity to focus on the quality of my relationships rather than the quantity. And it turns out, that the more doesn’t always necessarily mean the merrier.

Reevaluate Priorities

Anyone who has the screen time alert on there phone can tell you, the amount of time that we spend scrolling through social media is astonishing. I would look down to scroll through stories and posts and before I knew it, an hour had passed. Don’t get me wrong, there are many wonderful benefits to this, like finding a great baking idea, an insightful writing tip, staying in touch with distant relative, or cute puppy photo (always worth it!). All in all though, the amount of time spent viewing rather than doing did me more harm than good. I think of the books I didn’t read, the phone conversations I didn’t have, the hobbies I didn’t cultivate.

When I deleted all my accounts, I was given the gift of time. With that time and the freed up space in my mind, I began to reevaluate my priorities. What did I really want? What was I truly passionate about? What gave me the most joy? I began reading again, writing again, and spending more and more quality time with those I loved. I had released myself from one of the biggest distractions that was preventing me from focusing on what mattered. Until it was gone, I had not even realized how much of a distraction it really was. My productivity skyrocketed, not only with work, but in all aspects of my life.

Take Solace in Privacy: Aura of Mystery

Probably the biggest benefit from being social media free, is the privacy. I no longer had my personal experiences, relationships, and daily activities displayed to the world. I could live my life for me. My experiences could be cherished, my friends be true, my loved ones focused on, and my daily activities be just that. As an added bonus, it gave me a bit of mystery. I had become my own version of a female James Bond — Woman of Mystery. People would have to ask what I was up to, where I had been, and where I was going. I was able to share only what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted.

It was like being a teenager who gets a lock on their door. Not that I was doing anything different, but having the room all to myself was empowering. Not posting on social media gave me a greater sense of ownership in a weird way. I was able to connect with people in a more genuine way. It was refreshing talking with people and they not already knowing absolutely everything about me with a click of a button.