We all have scars, some of us just hide them better.
By: Yoanna.. With A Y
Tags: Compassion, Healing, Relationships, Self, Love

Credits: Pinterest

When I cannot fall asleep, I write. I secretly think this has been my way of therapy and dealing with my emotions for the past couple of years — walking or writing, the two w’s if you might call them. And this is a part of me trying to heal or rather embrace my scars, as my whole life I have been told I talk too much, so naturally I had to silence myself or tone down to please everyone around me and to “appear more reserved” (whatever the heck that meant).

It took me 24 years to learn my writing and rambling was my power — 24 years and many scars.

Let me ask you a question. When you walk down the street, how many people do you see smiling?And how many people do you see in a hurry? It doesn’t matter. They all share something in common — they have all been hurt and it has left a mark on their soul, a mark no smaller than the physical one after a knee surgery.

We leave those scars to envelop our existence until we feel like we are suffocating from them, simply because we are afraid to deal with them. We lack the capacity to admit them, to share them, to embrace them and work on replacing that bad memory we have attached to them. Instead, we need to learn to accept them and honour them, as they made us stronger and more resilient; replace the bad memory with a good meaning — change the narrative around our pains. And wrap ourselves with so much compassion and love, that we are not afraid anymore to wear them boldly. Or not afraid to talk about them to our loved ones.

I understand it is easy to talk about the good with your partner or friend. And some of us do it very well. I have personally witnessed people being in relationships where not much sadness was shared, only joy, only the good — like a carefully curated instagram feed. And I always thought — Wow, I hope this is not me. I don’t want my life, my friendships and my relationship to be carefully curated, I do not want it messy either, but I want somewhere in between, where we are able to talk about how messy it has been, how grateful we are for where we are now. And if you are like me, let me warn you from the start, that being vulnerable and open is not something every partner of yours will want with you. But if they are willing to put in the work, and you are too, overtime you will build up your mutual capacity to share the highs and lows and I can guarantee you — it will last. Because whatever comes up, you will know how to react, so as to not trigger them. You will learn to be patient towards each other. And treat those scars they have with kindness and compassion.

I know you are fighting battles silently that you are afraid to bring to light, afraid you will be misunderstood. But believe me when I tell you, and please, do, the right people in your life care, they would be honoured to help you, to know those deep messy aspects of your life you are afraid to speak. And those people will be patient, they will help you over time feel comfortable enough for you to speak. We have all had pain in our past. Some of us just hide it better. And some of us just have nobody to share it with.

If you will take one thing from this piece, I hope it is that we cannot always be joyful and positive, life does not work like that. Life is extreme lows and heartbreak as well, life is pain and healing and suffering as well. And a person is not one or the other. A person has positives and pieces that need healing.

I guess, as a whole, all I am trying to say is, please don’t create spaces where being raw is not encouraged. Try to accept the scars on you, and on your loved ones. We are not broken, we need acceptance. We want to heal by ourselves, but we cannot do it without support. And changing our perception and rewiring our brains for the highs of life, starts with bearing the lows.

We are not an art gallery, we are human spirits.

And we don’t want to be curated…. we just want to be understood.