How Do You Change Direction and Focus in Your Writing?
By: Kristina H
Tags: Life Lessons, Relationships, Love, Breakups, Writing

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How Do You Change Direction and Focus in Your Writing?

Overcoming a Writer’s Rut

Writers are an emotionally driven breed.

We love to write about our feelings, options, experiences and current emotions. It helps us to unravel our thoughts and feelings, and puts our perspectives out in the open for our readers. Some of us look for affirmation or resonation with our readers, and some of us like to vent, just to get it out of our literal systems.

There is NOTHING wrong with that.

Lately, however, I feel that I am stuck in Writer’s Rut. I keep coming back to the experience of my recent breakup and new found love. Why? Because, at this point in time, it consumes my life. I am waiting for the final documents and financial decisions to be made to end my 9 year relationship. It has been a road of flashbacks, arguing, bickering, rude texts, lawyers and endless paper work. But, I can see the light, at the end of the emotionally draining tunnel.

I need a new direction. I need something else to slide into my heart and brain to consume me. I need a new writing direction.

Since February, my life has been in an upheaval. I have changed everything in my life except my job, and my love of writing. I have to admit though, I have been slacking in the commitment to both, because I am still healing and trying to find myself once again. My schedule has changed, my address has changed, my love has shifted, and my own journey has taken me down a road that is very unfamiliar to me.

And during the process of all of this, I turned 50 years old.

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I Saw 50 Differently

When we are kids, we look at people who are 50, and think, “Wow! They are old!”

While I was in my 40’s, I dreaded the big 5-Oh! I couldn’t imagine what I would look like, feel like, or be like, as a 50 year old woman. Yet, here I am killing it.

I imagined starting my next half century with a huge bash, surrounded by friends and family, and sipping champagne. I thought I would try harder to pay my debts, and work out more regularly, eat more kale, and drink more green tea. I never imagined that my 50th year would be a rebirth of my entire existence. SURPRISE!!!

It worked out okay, even after I was forced to cancel my own celebration. I spent my 50th Birthday in the solace of a hotel room in the mountains, surrounded by a quiet, calm love. It was perfect.

I will admit, part of me wonders if I threw myself into a mid-life crisis and made these changes in order to feel younger. Full disclosure, I DO feel much younger than I did in my mid 40’s. In fact, I feel lighter, more content, calmer, and much happier. Not because of a mid life crisis, but because I found a new road and chose to take it.

I have a new home, which I share with my best friend. I have a new love in my life and I enjoy every single shared minute with him. I have some friends back in my life who I thought had left me forever, and I have a challenging career that keeps me grounded and accountable.

And, I have learned so many valuable lessons over the past 5 months, about love, life, and happiness. I just need to find the words to write about them all, without dragging my ex and his antics into them.

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New Direction

Now that I have changed my path, I need to revisit my writing direction. My conundrum, however, is HOW do I do this? If you are a follower of my work, first of all, THANK YOU, and secondly, you are familiar with my pieces on past abuse, childhood development, relationships and love.

When writers are caught up in challenges or struggling situations, we write about them. Maybe we don’t attack the issue straight on by detailing all of it every single time, but we do purge, through words. We allow our thoughts to lead our writing. Our experiences design our craft. Even through fiction, poetry, short stories and other work, we dump our emotional capacity through words. Painters use color and medium to express their feelings, musicians use melodies and lyrics, and we WRITE.

Is it even possible to suddenly find a new interest or new topic to delve into, while our brains and hearts are tangled up in chaos? Often I find the most chaos in my life, is while I am alone. Thoughts, memories, flashbacks, and fears creep into my busy mind, and I struggle to find my calm. I know it’s there, yet I can’t seem to wrap myself up in it. I suppose it will pass when the final push of my separation is over. Or, perhaps I will need to find a way to reel it back in, through yoga or meditation.

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Our Topics are What We Know

One of the reasons I feel the need to change topics of my writing, is because I feel like I have “over written” about my break up. Every piece I write sounds like a broken record that is stuck on one line, playing over and over again. I fear that readers will read my work and roll their eyes, muttering, “Yes, I know, Christina. You went through a break up! “ before they scroll onto the next, more interesting story.

The fact is, I am even tired of writing about it all. Yet, it is still a huge part of my world, and currently, it’s what I KNOW. I know how I feel. I know how I can help others who are in abusive relationships. I know what it’s like to feel abused and disrespected, so I pound on the topic, until it is the proverbial dead horse that I keep beating on. My hope is that I can help other people in relationships that they feel are toxic. My mission is to be here for anyone who doesn’t know how to escape an abuser.

On another note, my new love is also dealing with his divorce and separation, so it is a prolific topic in my world, from both ends of the spectrum. It will be such a relief when it is all over and we can both move on, into our life together.

But, this doesn’t help me advance from the Writer’s Rut that I am currently in.

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This Summer

Summer time has been a wild ride for me, and I have a few stories that I can’t wait to share.

Once I can clear my head from the emotional trauma of my past life, and see my way through the fog of separation papers and angry words, I will share some of the amazing and challenging adventures of the past couple months.

A few topics I am considering are:

“ The Best Vacation I Have Ever Taken- A Week in Hawaii”

“How I Got Suckered into Purchasing a Timeshare”

“ Are You Spoiled, Entitled, or Deserving in Your Relationship?”

“ I Was Hit by a Deer and it Changed the Course of My Summer-A Week in the Life of Me”

“My View from the Window of a Semi Truck- Riding Shotgun with My Long Haul Man” (I need to work on this title)

“ Bottom Line vs Deal Breaker in Relationships”

“How Adult Children React to their Parent’s New Relationships”

So, as you can see, I am reaching out of my current “comfort zone” of what I know. It is just a matter of re-organizing my feelings and finding my way back to a world where I no longer feel the need to rant. I will get there.

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Breakups Are No Joke

Setting aside all other topics for a moment, I do have to reiterate that breaking up with someone is taxing. It is emotionally charged. It is exhausting. It is traumatic and it is humbling.

When both of you in the relationship are simultaneously going through relationship break downs, it becomes twice as hard. You keep checking on each other’s emotional status, and you learn to bite your tongue when you need to. The most difficult part of it all, is that you are working together to accomplish a goal that was never set by either of you.

Neither of us woke up one day and said, “My goal is to end my current relationship”. Nor did we wake up and announce, “I think I will begin a new relationship, even though I am not completely finished with the administration from the last one”. It JUST HAPPENED.

Our goal, as a new couple, is to just get through it all. Our mission is to support and love each other through the stress and chaos of the anger and financial rubbish. We come from very different partnerships and we work hard, to try and understand what we need to, about each other’s pasts, without allowing it to corrupt our calm life together.

I know I am guilty of over stating the reciprocating feelings I have from my ex. I talk through feelings in order to purge them. My boyfriend is the opposite. He internalizes and works hard at not allowing his past to affect us. I appreciate that about him, but through my own curiosity and guilt of “over sharing”, I tend to ask him a lot of questions about his past marriage. He will talk, if I dig into his heart. We are both HIGHLY EMPATHETIC people, and when one of is struggling, the other struggles too. It is just who we are together, and that’s okay. When he shares, I listen with my soul, as does he. It’s never easy to hear about each other’s pain, and equally difficult to hear about pasts we were never a part of.

Once all of this is behind us, I can imagine this huge light looming over us, angels singing, and a whole new horizon before us. It is just the journey to get there, that will be a challenge. I am certain it will be worth the struggle to find our rainbow. We have both been in long relationships that were unfulfilling and painful. We have found new life in each other.

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Change of Course on My New Road

When you are stuck on a straight road, waiting to see the end, it is difficult to find a way to get off of it.

I see patterns in many writers, and you can see when they are going through life events that they need to purge. I encourage other writers to take the time they need, write the words they need to write and to get all of the emotions in their mind and heart out in front of them.

Writers, who read, understand the importance of sharing emotionally driven topics. We share a common, unwritten bond and if a story is left unfinished, we look for the finales. We like cliff hangers of other people’s stories and want to see how it turns out. We love happy endings.

For myself, I am still on the road to recovery and to finalizing the administrative bullshit of my current situation, but the ending is so close I can taste it. All that’s left to do is sign my name on the lines of our “Agreement” and initial about 16 spaces to show that I “have read and understand” the separation. Then, BOOM! I can move forward and leave that life behind me.

Once I have filed the documents away and deleted him from my phone and my life, my exit will appear on the road I am on. And, I will gladly take it. My heart and brain will be excited for the uncharted territory ahead of me, and my direction in writing will open up again.

I cannot wait!

I appreciate the responses, comments, claps and feedback from all of the wonderful readers that have followed me on this journey. I hope you will all stick with me for my finale. It is just around the corner, right there, where the light shines.