Drop Your Identity Markers To Become Real
By: Celine Lai
Tags: Relationships, Society, Identity, Mindfulness, Self

Labels help us choose the right product off the supermarket shelf. Human beings also apply labels. This is okay in order to quickly and easily communicate, using socially and personally agreed-upon categories. We label ourselves, we label others, and others label us.

We can place identity markers on ourselves because of our perceptions of what others want or expect. Problems with creativity and growth arise when we identify too much with these or when we constrain ourselves to our comfortable identity markers. Drop your identity markers for a while and see what happens.

Identity markers are different expressions of who we are. These labels embody characteristics that have meaning to us and the society in which we exist. You may describe or identify yourself by your age, religion, nationality or citizenship or political persuasion or a mix of these.

Why and when do you use identity markers?

Your biography may use identity markers such as your vocation, hobbies, interests, character traits, or achievements.

We use identity markers as parts of structured groups of people, to allow us to zoom in on significant or useful elements that we use to interact with each other.

When you introduce someone, you may use identity markers based upon the person’s role and the restricted number of things you know about them.

When you introduce yourself, you will probably feel obliged to say more than just your name, so you will add a few “identification labels”.

When we place an emotional value on an identity marker, we may paint a labelled or identified thing as either good or bad

We are emotional beings, but we need to be careful and not tar things with one sweeping brush, either all good or bad. For example, you may not like a particular media outlet, but perhaps it reports something true that no other outlet does, so it’s not all “bad.”

We may take on identity markers when someone says something to or about us, or treats us in a certain way. But we are more than our labels.

Don’t let others impose an identity upon you

When I was twenty-three years old, a group of work colleagues planned to go to a Midnight Oil concert. I eagerly approached Guy (yes, his name was Guy) and told him I wanted to join the group. I won’t forget the look of dismay on his face. He cast his eyes down to his shoes, screwed up his face, then with a grimace and even a hint of derision in his voice, he said two words.

“What. YOU?”

I felt demoralised and even threatened. The voices in my head immediately popped up loud and clear. “You are stupid to think they would want you to go. Obviously you’re not the type to go to a Midnight Oil concert, and there’s no way that Guy and his friends would be seen with a dork like you.”

Identity Marker number 201 or it may as well have been. When you are a sensitive person or have not had a lot of guidance in your Life, you are quick to take on the labels that others impose upon you.

If someone derides you for what they see or don’t see in you, drop the identity that you mark yourself with.

Another example is if someone mimics you, making fun of your accent or of your tone of voice, don’t immediately identify yourself as being a poor speaker.

Your self-worth is not dependent upon having the approval of everyone. Don’t take on someone else’s identification of you, when it’s not true.

But treat others as you would have them treat you

Often when people are discourteous or disagreeable with you, their action is not even “personal”. If you look at a person’s attitude or approach over time, you will carve out an identity for them in your eyes.

You may brand them or identify them as being something you don’t like, for example, pushy or bossy, or inconsiderate, but you need to understand that these are identity markers. Just like you, the person may sometimes be bossy or inconsiderate or something else; but at other times they won’t be.

“I am a person before anything else. I never say I am a writer. I never say I am an artist…I am a person who does those things.” — Edward Gorey

If someone treats you with disdain and you return this with the same, this will only make things worse. We are all continually changing or going through a personal development process.

You don’t have to like a person but you need to get on with them the best you can.

Someone may act in what you identify as an arrogant or an uncaring manner because of their insecurities. They may not be exclusively focused on you, but they act that way toward everyone.

Try to make them feel more secure in the long term by questioning them, then showing that you support them. Your support should be based upon you both understanding what each other wants.

Know your boundaries and stand your ground. For example, I could have squared up to Guy. “What makes you think I wouldn’t go to a Midnight Oil concert?”

When he had no argument to this, I could have said “I have been to rock concerts but this time around I’ll find someone who wants to go with me, thank you.” This would demonstrate that I understood he didn’t want me to go with him. Maybe it would even make him change his mind for next time, by challenging his reasoning.

Drop your identity markers

Identity markers can be helpful. They give us a sense of who we are, for better or worse, in our own eyes. We can use our sense of self to review and to reclaim and improve ourselves.

Many people don’t like to be “boxed in” or labelled as only a few things. Others can misunderstand your role or your circumstances and misidentify you. It’s up to you to adopt a wholesome identity.

Use your identity markers only if you have to. Work toward looking at yourself as a person with interests and skills, and with experiences, who takes actions.

You are not just a teacher or a writer or a fisher-woman or a concert-goer or a mother or a husband or a singer, but you are infinite.

Identity is a socially and historically constructed concept. Social and cultural identity is inextricably linked to issues of power, value systems, and ideology. Personal identity is linked to your own personal circumstances and is impacted by how you identify yourself within a society.

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash

Our identity is useful when working out how we fit into things. It is useful for finding people with similar interests and values to us. We use it to let others know what we do and what we are about.

But when we cling to an aspect of our identity and believe that it is a permanent fixture, we lose sight of what is possible for us. We may have an inflated sense of Self and not grow. We may feel obliged to do this or that because of labels we impose upon ourselves.

If you have to work with identity markers, it is best to let your identity markers be firm positive ideas held loosely

Create your identity organically by what you do, rather than create it by affixing sticky labels. Your identity is not static, but is fluid or changeable.

Your true Self is your being. That being is free to flow through the containers that hold it in order to support and honour you. This is the real you, a person who is multi-dimensional and who does things. Drop your identity markers and your real Self will flourish.