Life Series: A Hopeless Romantic Pt. 2
By: Lucklita Theng
Tags: Self Improvement, Moving On, Practical, Pain, Optimism

How do I deal with all the aftermath feelings? How to move on- past my ego and my pain?

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Why was it not allowed to date your co-worker/person who works in the same space?

Pollution of Workplace Environment for Me

I did not quite understand the notion of not dating someone from the workplace. I thought then, that the only concern was that once things fall apart, there was difficulty to hold professionalism and it would make things awkward. It turns out — and I learned pretty quickly — it wasn’t just professionalism at stake, it was me.

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Big Girls Don’t Cry!

It was how unsafe I felt at the workplace, surrounded by the people who knew my ex-boyfriend, who were like his family there. I suddenly felt the need to act tough, even if I wasn’t feeling okay, I have to be okay in front of them.

“Oh, Poor you…”

I am uncomfortable with pity and victimization! I don’t want to think about what they might say about me — and I definitely am too stubborn and prideful to accept the label of “Oh, she’s that guy’s ex. Like Ew, unacceptable. I have a name and I like to think I’ve gained enough reputation to be known as myself. Yes, I am self-conscious to that level.

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Do I belong?

I started doubting the genuineness of my connections with other people at the workplace. I thought maybe it was because of my ex-boyfriend that I could have those connections since they were like family to him, or was it because they actually want to talk with me as a person? I was feeling a sense of isolation and dis-belonging to the place — where once was a safe haven now starts to just feel like another store of anxiety.

How do I move forward?

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Throughout all these havoc feelings and more, I had to continue my work, my duty to my family and myself!

I have to say a lot of good came out of it too! We can get to that in another post! But now, let me tell you how I overcame these feelings, is still overcoming them and how I would do it in the future if I need to.

Pick up a self-help audiobook.

I subscribed to Scribd — a great place to read and audiobooks. There, I found “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and it’s a great book to be read in the situation that I was in. It gave me the motivation to switch up my routine, to look at things from a different perspective and just be a better person every day through small tips and reminders. It reminded me that I still have a long way to go in terms of self-development.

2. Wake up at 5.30 A.M.

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It worked for me since I have to work at 9.00 A.M and I feel as if the 3–4 hours that I have before that is my time. I have set a 3-month goal to build a lean body and when I wake up, I would either bike or drive to the country club and play tennis or do horse-riding.

However, during the period I am writing this, I am facing difficulties to wake up and motivate myself. The thing is I found a friend who motivates me, we get along well but when we don’t have plans I kind of feel demotivated. So my current challenge is to internalize all my habits and create my own self-motivation system.

3. Sign up for a marathon (or 1/4 of it in my case)

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To let yourself focus on you, sign up for something in the near future — make it be a marathon (as I did) or something that would make you work for it, that’ll make you push yourself into a new growth period.

Fun fact: A marathon is 42-ish kilometers. I signed up for a 10k run — 1/4 of it. Haha.

4. Focus on my tasks at work.

If it didn’t stick, it wasn’t meant to be — especially when you were the one on the receiving end of the heart-throb whiplash.

Spend that energy onto something productive — what thing(s) are you doing currently?

For me, I am working for an online self-development website (Wapatoa.com) where I write articles and manage an outreach project. This, fortunately, allows me to put all my energy into something bigger than my problems. I put it in planning, writing, talking and traveling to different cities and meet new people.

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However, beware of burnouts. You might be over-working, and going beyond what you’re supposed to that you are compromising your mental health.

I was indeed putting a lot of energy into my work but I forgot to check in with myself and allowed myself to go overboard in the last month at least for the half of May. I felt that I was overworking, constantly having to chase after deadlines, and demands of the tasks at hands that I thought I forgot my personal responsibility to let myself process the painful experience I just went through.

So, right now, I am dealing with a long period of burnout. It has been going on for the half month of June and I will research more on how to deal with it and take better personal responsibility.

5. Take your time!

There are so many other tips and tricks to tell you and that you can find online. I think what they all have in common is that you got to —

Give yourself time!

A beautiful flower blossoming takes time!

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— give yourself time to heal, to accept and process the pain, and to dwell in it, actually because if you’re really done, you, your mind and your body would coerce you to move on — trust in yourself for that at least and don’t try to avoid thinking about it.

Hard to Control Thoughts/ Painful Triggers?

If you are finding it hard to control your thoughts and it is affecting your daily life — tell your mind “Not now” and make a designated time where you let yourself to think about it, 10–15 minutes should work just fine!

People say don’t lose yourself in the pain — and I would say back, don’t hold yourself back from pain, because, through it, you are learning to overcome something, to grow because it acts as a growth trigger for you.

Get to know yourself and trust your body and mind to take on that pain healthily — how pain affects you, and how you can utilize it for the better — not for worse!

Above all else, remember:

These tiny hiccups of heart-aches are temporary :)

Chin Up.

The world needs people to help other people in much worse pain. Humble yourself and be someone’s source of warmth and comfort today. ❤️