Let’s Stop With the Fatphobic Talk
By: Christine Schoenwald
Tags: Health, Culture, Body Positive, Awareness, Women

Let’s Stop With the Fatphobic Talk

It’s not your place to speak about someone else’s body

In the before times, when swimming and water-exercise were encouraged in indoor swimming pools, I’d go to my local YMCA for water aerobics classes.

I loved going because I was good at them, and I could do things in the water that I could no longer do on dry land, such as jumping. The water exercise classes were my happy place until one woman ruined it with her fatphobic comments.

One day, after class, Linda stopped me as I was about to get out of the pool. I thought she was going to compliment me on my impressively high jumps, but rather than praising me; she started talking to me about a woman who was her father’s nurse.

I couldn’t figure out what a nurse had to do with water-exercise or me until she described the nurse.

“She was huge,” Linda said, “two or three of you put together. Super fat, unbelievably, huge — 600 lbs, maybe. If they put the two of you side by side, you’d be skinny compared to her.”

She wanted to make sure that I knew I was fat, but also that I wasn’t the fattest person she’d ever encountered in her life.

While this comment may have appeared random, I knew what her motivation was. She wanted to make sure that I knew I was fat, but also that I wasn’t the fattest person she’d ever encountered in her life.

Okay, good to know.

She didn’t seem to care that her comments weren’t appropriate or even unkind. Perhaps she didn’t know she was fatphobic.

Many people lie to themselves that when they talk about someone’s weight — even in a negative way, they’re being helpful.

Let me tell you, giving advice about someone else’s body isn’t valuable, friendly, or appreciated in any way.

What does fatphobic mean?

Fatphobia is the intense fear and dislike of fat people and fat bodies, and the fear of becoming fat. Someone who has fatphobia is fatphobic, and it can manifest in their actions, thoughts, and how they talk.

Fatphobic phrases may appear innocent.

People say fatphobic things all the time without being aware or caring how their words hurt others.

It’s as if there’s something inside them needs to let a fat person know they’re fat(which by the way, we know,) or how they’re defective, they are in the eyes of the fatphobic person because of their weight.

Saying things like, “You’ve got such a pretty face,” and “You carry yourself well” aren’t complimentary, and their negative messages are heard loud and clear.

“You’ve got such a pretty face” means your face is acceptable by society’s beauty standards, but your body is not.

“You carry yourself well” means hooray for you for being able to walk about with all your extra weight. “You’ve got such a pretty face” means your face is acceptable by society’s beauty standards, but your body is not. Your body is wrong, unruly, and if you only had a little discipline, you could fix it.

Building awareness of fatphobic talk.

Mount Holyoke College diversity office recently shared a guide called, “Phrases you didn’t know were fatphobic” on social media, which included, “You’re so brave,” “That’s so flattering on you,” and “I’m so bad for eating this.”

In an article on Campus Reform, Mount Holyoke student, Evelyn Bushway said, “Talking about weight, in general, is really hard to do without offending anyone but questions and statements like that [I’m so bad for eating this] said to the right (or wrong)person could be detrimental to their mental and physical health.”

Fatphobic phrases and fat-shaming are aggressive actions and can be avoided with an awareness of how those words affect others.

Would Linda of the pool have resisted describing the nurse’s body if she knew it was fatphobic? The answer is maybe.

There’s no excuse for fatphobic talk.

Some people feel justified in saying mean things because they’re just trying to help or are being honest. Some don’t believe in self-censorship when it comes to other people’s bodies or behaviors. They need to say what’s on their minds, no matter the cost to the other person.

I can’t tell you how many times when riding my bike, someone felt compelled to yell a fatphobic comment at me from their car, or how in a restaurant, I’ve been questioned by strangers on my order.

People need to learn that you can’t tell what someone else’s problems are by looking at them, and it’s not their business anyway. It’s not constructive to give criticism to a stranger or to someone who hasn’t explicitly asked for it.

The truth is, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat your fatphobic comment — it’s still not okay.

I hope in the future, people will be conscious of their words and the effect that they have on others. It’s not difficult to stop saying fatphobic phrases — make a choice not to remark on anyone’s body even if you think it’s helpful.