When COVID and Grief Collide
By: Allison Doyle
Tags: Coping, Loss, Mental Health, Covid 19, Grief And Loss

Experiencing a global pandemic is something that probably never entered most of our minds until this year. The fact that during this day and age, with the scientific advances of the 21st century and technology available at our fingertips, a virus could bring the entire world to a halt was something only in science fiction. But here we are, well into month 2 of social distancing, living in what feels like it will be a new normal for at least a little longer. While much of the world has come together to rally through this virus, celebrate essential workers, and support each other, I cannot help but think of all the grief, big and small, that has come along with this virus. I am not just talking about the grief from the nearly 265k deaths and counting due to the virus; I am thinking of all of the postponed funerals, the now all too common virtual weddings, the canceled graduation ceremonies, extinguished wanderlust, and careers that have been paused. Grief can be a loss of any kind, and there have been a lot of losses for many people globally.

There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone in these feelings. Many life milestones have been postponed, canceled, or made virtual for people all around the world. There is a sense of relief and community in that shared experience and shared loss. But I hear many people in my personal and professional life saying things like “It sucks, but were all in the same boat”, “I am not the only one who had to cancel”, and “It is what it is” etc., minimizing their own losses due to the pandemic. Are we allowing ourselves to really grieve and process the lives that we imagined for ourselves, our loved ones, our friends, being put on hold?

Grief from loss can manifest in a variety of ways. Physically, our bodies can change due to grief. This includes changing sleep or eating patterns, difficulty concentrating, nausea and fatigue, or headaches. People experiencing grief may feel angry and sad, or may look for ways to numb the loss they are experiencing through substances or avoidant thinking. Social distancing has further complicated the grieving process. Coping skills that people have traditionally relied on, such as physical contact with family and friends, reaching out to their place of worship, or going to the gym may no longer be an option.

If you find yourself grieving the loss of someone or something due to COVID-19, there are still effective ways of coping.

· Focusing on self-care is a top priority when grieving. Ensuring you are eating, drinking, and sleeping can be one of the most important coping skills when dealing with grief. Although family and friends may not be able to come to see you physically to ensure you are doing these self-care activities, asking someone to check-in on you may be the best thing you could do for yourself during this time.

· Allowing yourself to experience the emotions that come with grief and giving yourself time to process is key. As stated earlier, while this pandemic has been a collective experience, minimizing your own losses due to COVID-19 may not allow you to adequately process your feelings. Recognizing and validating your own feelings will allow you to move forward in your grief.

· Grief is not a linear experience. It is assumed that grief starts at the lowest point and gradually gets better every day. This is not the case for everyone and the expectation of that all people experience grief this way can be dangerous. Some days may be better, some may be worse, and that is ok. Give yourself grace to take the grief day to day.

· Finding strong support when experiencing loss can also be an extremely effective coping mechanism. We can still connect to our loved ones through technology. Utilizing video chat to visually connect with friends and family to express our feelings can definitely help with the grieving process. Support groups have also gone virtual. Using the internet to find COVID-19 support groups or support groups for your particular area of grief may be beneficial in creating connection with those experiencing similar losses.

· Lastly, if the feelings of loss are too great to handle, reaching out to a therapist may be beneficial. Teletherapy is now being offered by many mental health professionals and can be covered by insurance. Some people may experience thoughts of suicide due to their overwhelming feelings of grief. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255 or 911 if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide.

There are some lessons to be learned about grief and loss from the COVID-19 pandemic; we are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Humans can tolerate much more than they think they can handle and innovate to keep communities connected. Give yourself the space and compassion to grieve the losses you have experienced during this difficult time, but also the courage to reach out to your loved ones, your community, and professionals when you need it.