Tea and Biscuits at The Ashes
By: Stephen Blackford
Tags: Australia, Cricket, Sports, Writing, The Ashes

MCG, Melbourne, Day 3: All done in 81 devastating minutes and The Ashes are firmly remaining with a rampant Australia.

England 68 all out. Australia win by an innings and 14 runs and take an unassailable 3 match lead in the 5 Test Match Series.

Before we delve into the nitty gritty of the day’s play, can I direct you to (1) the reason why I’m sitting up through the night watching Test Match cricket and (2) my blogs from Days 1 and 2 of this, the 3rd Test Match:

I’ll commence this brief re-cap of the day’s play by reiterating the simple truth I ended last night’s blog with: Today was all or nothing for England and with their Marquee batting stars of Joe Root and Ben Stokes at the wicket they needed to bat as long as possible and hope to gain a 120 lead for their bowlers to attack. They needed to bat until at least the Tea Break.

They, and the team led by Captain Root, didn’t even make it to the Lunch Break. It was all a rather sadly predictable and painful 81 minutes. Here are the key moments:

11.52pm BEN STOKES bowled Starc (11).

Stokes had started positively with two beautiful drives for 4 before Mitchell Starc got a fantastic delivery to duck in between his defence and rock back the middle stump. Stokes was slightly hesitant with his forward defensive but Starc’s delivery was perfection. England have added 15 runs so far but are on the brink at 46–5.

12.20am and Jonny Bairstow gets a “life” as Cameron Green, so octopus like at Gully, drops a fast chance and for only the 2nd or 3rd occasion in the Ashes so far, the Australians make a mistake and drop a catch. Bairstow’s reprieve would last a further 3 minutes.

12.23am JONNY BAIRSTOW lbw bowled Boland (5).

On his home ground, Scott Boland was about to have a cricketing fairy tale for the next half an hour of his life and he started with a beautiful delivery that struck Bairstow’s back pad and despite reviewing the decision, Bairstow was out and England were rocking at 60–6 and only 53 minutes into the day’s play.

12.33am JOE ROOT caught Warner bowled Boland (28).

I wrote at length in yesterday’s blog with the recurring theme for England over generations, the Deja Vu of a batting collapse and an English surrender, and here we had the batting collapse in full effect and a wicket on the cusp of an organised break. Again. Deja Vu. Again. Boland had his cricketing “tail up” and was pounding in and delivered a beauty to the England Skipper who had to play and edged to Warner at 1st slip. Root had batted well. Again. But as wickets tumbled all around him (again) his prized wicket was snagged by local hero Boland, who now had the ridiculous bowling figures of 4 wickets for just 5 runs!

12.33am Drinks Break. England 61–7 and still 20 runs behind Australia’s first innings. Thoroughly depressing stuff. Unless of course you were Scott Boland.

12.41am MARK WOOD caught and bowled Boland (0).

Wood cracked his 3rd delivery straight at an oncoming Boland who made a difficult return catch look as easy as shelling the proverbial pea and he now had the astounding bowling figures of 5 wickets for 5 runs! England were 65–8 and it was all rather embarrassing. Unless your name was Scott Boland.

12.44am OLLIE ROBINSON caught Labuschagne bowled Boland (0).

Robinson lasted just two deliveries and the second was a peach that he edged to Labuschagne and Boland snagged an unbelievable 6th wicket and still for the cost of just 5 runs. Ridiculous boyhood dreams stuff and I was made up for him. On his home ground and with family watching from the stands, bravo Scott Boland. Just bravo.

Australia were 7 minutes away from winning The Ashes.

12.51am JIMMY ANDERSON bowled Green (2).

And with the off stump pinging back and the bails flying through the Melbourne air, Australia had won. In two days and 81 minutes.

Two days and 81 minutes of a scheduled 5 day Test Match. And Australia won by an innings and 14 runs and about as comprehensively as can be imagined.

Hero of the Hour. Local Hero. And Man of the Match: Scott Boland. His bowling figures of 4 Overs 1 Maiden 6 Wickets for 7 Runs is boyhood dreams stuff. Bravo. Picture courtesy of www.perthnow.com.au

You can dare to hope before a ball is bowled but the weight of 34 years of history and the current tour scars signalled England stood no chance, but to fall on their batting swords in just 81 minutes and to lose by an innings with the entire Ashes Series at stake speaks volumes. In Australian conditions and with the “condition” of the current England Test team, there is a chasm between themselves and their Hosts. Australia have chopped and changed and given debuts to Richardson and here with local hero Scott Boland but have still dominated and won every day of play and nearly every session therein. England have 3 maybe 4 players anywhere near remotely being in form. Australia have 9/10 and are interchanging with more quality players in every game and are utterly relentless and ruthless.

On to Sydney in the New Year and we can all hope that the invisible blight on all our lives evades the bubbles and the protocols and we see the scheduled 4th Test in this Series of five. A 5–0 whitewash looks almost an inevitability and despite the Aussies now having an unassailable 3–0 lead they will not be resting on their laurels. It’s not in the Australian character. What is: Grinding your opponent into the dust and inflicting scars that take a long time to heal. They’ll be gunning for England in the New Year and that makes for some more exciting cricket.

Count me in.