How To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection In 5 Minutes (Or Less)
By: Matt Lillywhite
Tags: Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Relationships, Life, Personal Development

How To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection In 5 Minutes (Or Less)

Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

“Every time I thought I was being rejected by something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.” — Dr. Steve Maraboli

One of the most painful parts of life is feeling heartbroken, ripped apart, and unable to focus on what lays ahead in the future.

Maybe you finally asked out your crush in hopes of being able to call them your lover. Or perhaps the sheer fear of them saying no is what’s holding you back from being able to live a happy life.

In the words of Michel De Montaigne:

“He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears.”

All that matters is now.

More often than not, the pain of overthinking each scenario & possibility is much worse than the actual event itself.

Ultimately, we are putting ourselves through multiple rounds of suffering, only never to know the outcome of what may happen due to a paralyzing fear of rejection.

So what do we do? Most people remain complacent. Instead of taking action to conquer their fears, they allow it to hold their future captive over a possibility of “what if.”

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Instead of experiencing multiple rounds of agonizing pain, a better solution is to confront our fears without becoming attached to the outcome.

Let me explain.

Rather than spending months questioning if your crush will say yes to going out on a date, do it. Because ultimately, the alternative of never knowing the outcome is much worse than having closure over your thoughts. Quoting Alan Watts:

“No amount of anxiety makes any difference to what’s going to happen.”

Why does the rejection matter? What’s stopping you from taking the first step, and making continual progress?

Often, the answer is fear.

You’re afraid of meeting new people due to a worry that they may dislike you.

You’re scared of asking out your crush due to a fear of them rejecting you, and for the current friendship to break down.

However, you need to realize that fear will not stop the event from happening, so you might as well embrace the outcome (whatever that may be).

The Stoic Seneca said that “we suffer more in imagination than in reality.” By that, he meant that we are continually overthinking every possible outcome within a scenario. Instead of being logical about a situation, we have a natural tendency to cling on to fear as a survival instinct — for it is the fundamental difference between life & death. When the actual event comes to fruition, it is nowhere near as bad as we initially imagined.

Our mind plays tricks; forcing us into a state of paralyzing fear. Consequently, we often prevent ourselves from finding out the outcome of an event that could have changed our future.

This is an everyday reality of our subconscious mind.

There are ways in which you can overcome rejection, defeat anxiety, and improve your confidence in any situation.

Are you fearless? By the end of this article, you will be.

So keep reading.

What Are You Scared Of?

It’s easy to become worried about potential events. But when you strip down each issue into simple facts, it becomes a lot easier to find a solution.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth” — Marcus Aurelius

This quote has lingered in my mind since the day I first read it. We often attach our emotions to potential outcomes, and as a direct consequence of overthinking, it seems a lot worse than it is.

Maybe you’re worried about asking out your crush. Understandably, a variety of emotions run through your mind as you think what you’re going to say, and how you’re going to say it. But in their mind, you are only asking them a question to which they will respond.

Perhaps you’re wondering what you’re going to say during a conversation on a date. You don’t want it to feel awkward, uncomfortable, or embarrassing for either of you. For them, it is merely a discussion between two people.

Your quest to fearlessness begins right now. By identifying the fear & breaking it down into the bare facts, it will be easier to find ways to subdue it.

How Can You Practice The Scenario?

If you make the conscious choice to prepare for whatever you are nervous about, the actual scenario will feel much less daunting.

“There are only two days in the year nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.” — Dalai Lama

You cannot change your actions from yesterday. Nor can you speak directly to your future-self about what shall happen in the future.

However, you can focus on the present, right here, right now. Create the actions necessary to build the foundations of confidence, in preparation for whatever the outcome of the scenario is.

Take a moment to practice what you’re going to say:

How does your body language look?

Do you feel confident in your ability to succeed?

What is your plan if you get rejected? How will you react?

Once you have the intestinal fortitude to remain positive, no matter the result, you will be less worried about the actual scenario after practicing it.

Think → Rehearse → Do.

Final Thoughts

This is how you make continual progress towards overcoming rejection. Granted, it is not easy — I never said it was. However, if you mentally prepare yourself for the scenario, it will be much easier to conquer your fears.

It will be much easier to process your thoughts.

It will be much easier to reduce your levels of anxiety.

It will be much easier to defeat any self-limiting beliefs that enter your mind.

Remember this: Fear is temporary; regret is forever.