Life Lessons from the Locked-In and Laid-Off
By: Laura A. Heeter
Tags: Self Improvement, Self, Advice, Personal Growth, Coronavirus

Life Lessons from the Locked-In and Laid-Off

Trying to stay sane as an unemployed shut-in

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

I have a dirty secret to share.

When my last office first started working remotely, I was convinced that I was going to become a body-builder, superstar chef in all of my newfound free time. Goodbye, MTA! Time to be interior designer by day, kick-ass housewife by night.

Then I lost my job.

After finding a way to peel myself off the floor and a way to plug the tears, I told myself that in addition to mastering a souffle, building six-pack abs, and cleaning every corner of my house until it shines, I would push forward so fast and build the best network and get the greatest new job in record time. Right after I finished solving all of my life’s riddles and questions.

So what’s my secret?

I’ve streamed more episodes of 90-Day Fiance and Tiger King than Lynda learning classes. While my Instagram feed has been flooded by lots of #quarantinecooking, and I did wipe down the stove last night, I’ve just been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes that means eating chips for lunch. I missed my self-imposed deadline to finish my revamped portfolio.

After hitting the ground running at warp speed, I realized that I needed some time. It was too much too fast. And it’s okay if at the end of this crazy chapter of my life, my abs still push in when you poke them and my bookcase is still a little dusty.

This time isn’t easy. It’s hard and sometimes my lungs feel caked in cement, making breathing difficult and labored. I’ve never been good at sitting still, much less sitting at the dinner table every night with Anxiety and Uncertainty, each one hogging the mashed potatoes and unwilling to go home (or at least get out of my house). That said, in these past few weeks, I’ve learned some important life lessons to help get by.

And if they can help me, queen of feeling perennially restless, I’m pretty sure they can help you too.

Wash your hair.

No, really. Get out of bed, have a coffee, take a shower (or bath, if you’re fancy like that) and put on clean(ish) clothes. Not the same clothes you’ve worn for the past week. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pair of sweatpants or a suit — put on what makes you feel good in real life, not life in the time of Corona. You may not have anywhere to go, but starting your day like you have somewhere to be or someone to see goes a long way in establishing some sense of normalcy again. It helps me feel like a real person, like who I was before the world was flipped on its head.

Don’t pull your trigger.

We all have that one thing that we know will upset us. For some of us, that might be several or many things. I’ve invested a lot of time in my life to working through things and on the pieces of myself that are imperfect. When my heart starts to beat fast, or my fingertips feel tingly, I know I’m sailing toward a bad dinner date with Anxiety. While I can’t always predict when it’s going to happen, there are things that I know doing are asking for trouble. Now is not the time, for example, to hop on the scale every day and meticulously track my weight. As much as that part of my brain is screaming at me to check, I have to tell it sit down and shut up. There are enough things out of my control right now — I don’t need to give in, pull the trigger, and add another ball of uncertainty to juggle.

You don’t have to be okay.

This is probably one of the easiest things to say, but the hardest to put into practice. You’ve undoubtedly had someone say this to you and I’m sure they had the best of intentions. I’ve even told it to myself many, many times, like some sort of strange daily affirmation. The biggest challenge is that by and large, people actually want you to be okay because they don’t know how to help if you’re not. They want to ask you how you are, because that’s the kind thing to do, but tell them anything other than that you’re fine and cheerful, and it throws them for a loop.

But, this is a time for you — you are allowed to feel anxious, scared, and/or nervous. It’s okay to tell people that. Don’t burden yourself by being worried about burdening others. People will understand, even if they don’t have the right words to tell you that.

It’s okay to be okay today and a wreck tomorrow.

Or to be okay right now and a mess in an hour. It’s okay to be okay for a week and then break down. I’ve been amazed at the resiliency and strength I’ve found while dealing with this time of unpredictability. For the most part, I’ve been able to set aside the feelings I have about being laid off, or the craziness of Corona, and focus on what’s ahead.

That said, like the sneaky fiends they are, Anxiety and Uncertainty pop up and hit me in the face, often when I least expect it. Yesterday, I was working on my portfolio and everything was great. I was happy and actually impressed looking back on what I’ve accomplished in my professional career. Then I got to the section about a particular project and alarm bells started going off. All of a sudden, I was not okay. That’s okay. I am okay now and will be until I’m not again, at which point the cycle will reset. Life goes on.

Take a break.

When the tears started bubbling up while looking at my project, I recognized that I just needed to take a minute. So I made lunch and came back to it in a few hours. Last week, I was doing so well until I had to work on my resume; I stared at the screen for hours without hardly writing a word. All of a sudden, I was crying, reminded of everything that was no more. It made things even more finite. Instead of forcing myself ahead, I took the day off and worked on a New Yorker puzzle to keep my mind distracted, but focused. I started fresh the next day and it went much better, resulting in a final product I actually like.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to push myself to the edge just because I feel like I should do something. If my body or brain is telling me to stop, I need to listen. Ultimately, only I know when something is right for me. Taking a step back, or a moment to rest, doesn’t make me weak. It means I’m strong enough to give myself what I need.

You don’t have to be Martha Stewart.

Your house won’t fall apart if you don’t do more than you did before the world was crushed by Corona. If cleaning and cooking make you feel good, then go for it. Try a new recipe. Polish your furniture. Trap all of your dust bunnies. But, if you don’t feel like it, that’s okay too. I don’t recommend you let a mountain of laundry pile up, quit doing dishes, stop bathing, or eat potato chips for dinner every night. But, quarantine life is not a sport or a competition.

I’ve tried lots of new things in the kitchen— baking with nut milk, spicing up boxed mac ’n’ cheese, and dalgona coffee (but let’s be honest, that was for the ‘gram) — but only because that brings me joy. I also only vacuumed for the first time in three weeks yesterday, mainly because my dust bunnies were full-grown rabbits and I was scared not to. I have a pile of dishes in my sink at the moment. We ate tater tots for lunch yesterday (they were veggie tots, but still). I wasn’t Martha Stewart before Corona came to town, so I sure as hell don’t have to be her when it’s gone.

You are not alone.

It feels callous to say there are silver linings to this pandemic, when countless lives are being lost, and essentially all of our lives are impacted in a meaningful way. But, you are not alone. This is a collective experience. While we may not all be affected in identical ways, Corona is universal and shared. If you feel worried, you are not alone. If you lost your job, you are not alone. I’ve been overwhelmed by how supportive and generous people have been since I was laid off. I have connected with old friends and family, and maybe actually made a couple of future friends through networking.

We have been reminded of our humanity in scary ways, but also in beautiful ways. Ultimately, we are all flesh and blood, and when you strip away the distractions, we are much more the same than different.

I’m not going back.

There will undoubtedly be lasting impacts of COVID-19. People are already talking about what it means for the future of work and the social safety net. There are plenty of good questions about how we move forward in the next weeks, months, and years. One thing I think we can all be certain of is that our lives will never be exactly as they were.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

I was someone who was often too busy to pick up the phone, too physically tired after work to do anything but try and force myself to eat some random thing out of the fridge, and so emotionally and mentally exhausted that I had to remind myself constantly to let things go to avoid a complete breakdown. I knew, deep down, that I needed to change — that I needed a change. I just always told myself that it could wait until I did the next thing, finished the last task, and that I was fine. I pushed and pushed down my fatigue, convinced I could just keep going. I tried tell myself that while change would be nice, I didn’t need it right now.

Well, Life decided for me that I couldn’t wait any longer. And now that I’ve had a few weeks to reflect, Life was right. I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’m elated the change happened this way, or that it’s not hard, or that I don’t miss parts of my “old” life. I’m mad that I didn’t make the change myself, that I had no choice, and that it meant losing the way I have. That said, I’m not going back.

Life said, do this. And for once, I’m trying to follow the instructions. Maybe I really didn’t know better before, despite what I told myself. There is a path forward. It’s a little thorny at the moment, and I can’t see where it’s going, but like each day, I’m going to take a few more steps ahead today.

Right after I wash my hair.