My Journey with Mother, mini stroke aftermath, mild dementia and I!
By: Ep Mcknight
Tags: Alzheimers, Dementia, Life Lessons, Parenting, Short Story

Love the parents you had, embrace the one you currently have for the spirit and soul recognizes love in all forms even if the brain fails to remember sometimes. Love begets love!!

Everyday is a new day and sometimes a new way of dealing but thank God for Mother’s life, 93 years old.

My day always begins with thoughts of my mother and gratitude that she is alive and well considering all things and living in her own home. From the mini stroke, she is yet walking and talking with little remnants from the stroke. She does yet have some weakness in her right leg and right hand from the impact of the stroke and aging. She dresses herself, need some assistance in and out of the bath tub, but can’t cook for herself. The caregivers do it for her. I am thankful that she is alive, kicking and feisty as ever. Mother possesses more than her share of intuition and reasoning capability, gifts from God. She is one smart cookie. She can reason the heck out of any situation you may bring to her and on target. Go figure!!

Everyday, I am amazed how she out reason many in her same capacity. As usual, I call her every day and every night. I want her to hear my voice first thing in the morning to know she is loved and at night to close her eyes to sleep knowing that her life counts and matters.

Today started as usual with my usual call and for about fifteen minutes, we did her speech therapy over the phone. Every since the regular speech therapist decided that Mother had reached her highest capacity and just need maintenance here on out, I decided to do it over the phone. Was apprehensive that she would not like it but she took to it and all is well. Her communication skills have gotten better. So proud and thankful.

Last week, I scheduled a cleaning service provided by the government to assist elderly people with tasks around their home to come to mother’s home to assist. Explained it too mother last week when the lady arrived that she was there to help and assist. All went relatively well then. Today was different, since the lady was there last week, I didn’t call mother and forewarn her.

The lady showed up and mother became belligerent and wouldn’t allow the lady to do anything. She tried to throw the lady out of the house. She got all loud and angry. I have experienced her raft before after her mini stroke. It can be ugly. I immediately contacted Mother to put out this great ball of fire so I jokingly asked mother if she was beating up on the poor lady. Well, timing is everything. At the moment she was hotter than a July 4 firecracker, and my words made her even more angry. She hung up the phone and did not put it back on the hook. Called about four times, phone yet off the hook. So, I called the lady’s phone and spoke to her and her to advise mother to put her phone back on the hook. Then I called Mother’s house telephone.

As Mother answered the phone and I chose my words and tone very carefully to calm her down.

Me: (Gently.)Mother, the lady is there to clean a little bit.

Mother: I can clean my own house!

Me: Yes, you can but since the stroke your right side is a bit slow. I know but she can help. (She listens quietly. That’s a good sign she’s calming down.) Just let her do a little bit this time and if you don’t like it we will stop it. (Had to make her feel in control of her life and decision making.

Mother: Okay…How much it cost? You paying?

Me: No one pays, it’s free..

Mother: Free!!

Me: Yes, the government provides this service for elderly people. Free! Everyone and all senior citizens get this. (She’s listening quietly.) So just let her do a little dusting in your living room and sweep a few crumbs from the kitchen floor and then she can go home. The government will take care of her.

Mother: Free…..(pause)…okay then. Alright.

Me: (To myself thank you God.) (To mother.) Can I talk to the lady?

Mother: (To the lady.) She wants to talk to you.

Me: (To the Lady.) Listen, honey! Don’t mop her floors since she won’t let you get any water to mop with, just sweep, do a little something and leave so you can get your pay.

Lady: I have already dusted the living room.

Me: Great, just sweep the kitchen and go.

Lady: Yes, Mam.

Me: Thank you and talk with you later. Let me talk with mother.

Mother: (Much calmer.) Hello….

Me: Let her sweep, so she can go. Okay?

Mother: Okay, then.

Me: I’ll call you later. Bye!

Not sure what was going to happen once I got off the phone with mother so I waited about thirty minutes before calling back.

Mother: Hello……the girl just leaving…

Me: Great! Are you okay?

Mother: Yes, I’m fine.

Me: Just checking, I’ll call you later this evening.

Mother: You’ll call me later?

Me: Yes, bye.

Now I could relax a bit more. If it wasn’t for the dementia and the stroke, all this would be a mute issue. My mother is a survivor and fights for her independence and once that is threatened in any manner it becomes like World War I in her house. She possesses the fight and flight mentality since she was a young girl and the oldest of seven siblings.

She has faith and wisdom and a will to live that can’t even be described. I remembered right after the stroke when she couldn’t walk, I told her she couldn’t walk and she defied that as soon as she could. There were a few falls here and there but thank God no bruises or fractures. God truly watches over Mother.

When I was young she watched over me, now I get to pay her back by watching over her at all cost. It’s not all the time easy, but it’s the dementia and the stroke that are the challengers not my mom. Mother has a heart of gold and will give anyone the shirt off her back unless you make her angry! LOL. Since she was a very young girl, she prided herself on helping others and today it’s so ingrained in her that even in her present state, she reaches out upon any opportunity to help others.

When God created mothers he created the best model and nurturer for a child. Most mothers give their very last and protect beyond words!! i.e. When she had the mini stroke and I spotted it immediately, I started to cry and said we needed to get to the hospital quick. She grabbed and hugged me to stop crying and told me she was alright. I said, “No” and insisted we were going to the hospital.

I knew when someone has a stroke timing is crucial! The longer the more damage to the brain and paralysis may be paramount.

In conclusion, love your love ones no matter what. They did not choose this for themselves. It just happened to them and now we have to assist and give them the best life possible but not sacrificing ourselves to be off no good to love ones or self.

E.P. MCKNIGHT, #1 Amazon Best Seller’s list Author, IS A GRADUATE OF FORDHAM UNIVERSITY LINCOLN CENTER, NY,NY WHERE SHE RECEIVED HER MASTER’S DEGREE IN EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY. SHE IS HONORED TO DEBUT THREE OF HER 10 MINUTE PLAYS AT THE 2012 NAACP THEATRE FESTIVAL.

SHE IS A POET, ACTRESS, ELEMENTARY TEACHER, WRITER, PRODUCER, TALKSHOW HOST, STAGE MANAGER, FITNESS GURU AND A MEMBER SAG/AFTRA AND EQUITY BUT MORE IMPORANTLY A WOMAN OF GOD WHOM SHE CREDITS ALL OF HER TALENTS AND SUCCESS. www.epmcknight.com www.epmcknight.wixsite.com/epfitspiration www.iquestionamerica-fannielouhamer.com