I Have No Idea How to Talk Dirty to a Woman
By: Sex, Self
Tags: Kink, Quarantine, Sex, Women, Sexuality

For mature audiences only.

I had my first virtual rendezvous with a woman tonight.

She pursued me on FetLife and we moved things over to another app where we could freely send pictures and videos. She immediately dominated me and told me what to do and I decided I liked that.

In the same breath she’d give me an order, she’d compliment me too. Part of me wondered if I should compliment her back. I decided doing what she told me to do was the compliment, so I kept quiet, got on all fours, and massaged my breasts for her. She has small tits and has found a fascination with mine, which sag beautifully and struggle to fit neatly into any bra cup. It seemed as though she was exploring the ways in which gravity impacts heavy tits that move like the ocean.

After sending her a few videos of me spanking my tits and ass, I asked to see her. That was one of the few things I’d said to her up until that point and I felt like I did it all wrong. Which seems silly because in the midst of sexting, asking for a picture shouldn’t stand out as a weird thing. But my mind tripped up on the fact that I was asking a woman.

Men, I’ve come to realize, are easy for me to engage with. “Let me see your cock” is easy. But whenever I thought of just swapping out one body part with another, “let me see your pussy” started to feel predatory.

Is this because I’ve had that question asked of me by an undesired audience one too many times? Is it because women want to hear something else? I’m a woman, what do I want to hear? “Can I see your pussy?” Asking rather than telling? Does that help? Or does it sound like a 15-year-old awkwardly trying to score some free porn?

“I’d love to see that pussy”? Nice but maybe too nice? “Show me how wet you are?” Sexy, I think, but also puts pressure on. What if she’s not wet yet? I know that when a guy asks me to show him how I wet I am, if I’m not quite that wet to the point of creating an appealing visual, I feel a little awkward. I never want to shame anyone in the midst of dirty talk for the way their body responds or doesn’t.

So… perhaps I’ve been overthinking.

I just think it’s interesting that because I’ve only ever had sex with men, my sexuality is very heteronormative. But there’s a lot of patriarchal shit that slips into heteronormativity so is my sexuality reflective of cultural norms that I don’t agree with? Have I been so conditioned to be turned on by the lame vulgarity of men that I never realized there were better ways to tell someone you wanted to make them orgasm with your mouth? Maybe not, but I have no idea, and in the midst of being wildly turned on by this woman, I suddenly felt like I’ve been incredibly sheltered my whole life.

I got out of my head and went back to following her orders while masturbating to how hot it is that this bitch is sending me crazy fucking videos and asking for more in return. I showed her my pussy and how wet I was because I so was.

She described a threesome she wants to have with me and her boyfriend and I described what I wanted to do with my head buried between her thighs, which is another phrase that sounds weird from woman-to-woman, even though it’s sexy when guys say it to me. I don’t know.

I’ve never described to a woman how I wanted to eat her out. That was new. And as expected, I fumbled a bit through it. Again, I know how to tell a guy how to eat me out but there was something that felt wrong about taking those words and throwing them at a woman. Not wrong like I shouldn’t be fucking around with a woman but wrong that I might be sounding too much like a dude to her.

Women— more specifically women who fuck other women — and more broadly, vagina owners who fuck other vagina owners — how do y’all talk to each other? Is it the same way ciswomen and cismen talk to each other? Because I feel like the hetero stuff is frowned upon in queer situations and I’d like to be respectful. Is there a class I can take or something?

Anyway I might not be that bad because I came for her, she told me I was a good girl, and she ordered me to add her as my Misster on my FetLife profile which I’m super aroused by. I guess she owns me now so perhaps it’s her responsibility to teach me how to dirty talk properly.