My Experience with Therapy (1)
Tags: Therapy, Divorce, Family, Burnout, Mental Health

I recently decided to seek professional help after so many years of struggling with finding a balance in life. I had quite a number of experiences from my childhood that were tormenting me as an adult and I just did not know how to move past them. So many questions I wanted answers to, with little or no explanation for them. I was trying so hard to be happy, stay sane and be productive at work.

Why did I need Therapy?

I think therapy is one of those things that can serve alot of purposes. My reasons for exploring the option and going for therapy may differ from every other person’s reason.

The first reason I knew I needed therapy was because of my experiences growing up. Before I turned 10, I was completely oblivious of what a highly dysfunctional family meant. As far as I was concerned, I was a happy young girl born into a happy family and I was truly loved by my parents and siblings. As I grew older, the scales fell from my eyes and I was forced into the realities of my family’s imperfections. My parents were not in a happy marriage and I was soon forced to experience two adults that I truly loved and adored tear each other apart and thirst for vengeance.It was all so confusing and I remember going to school so many times and I would cry because I was starting to blame myself even though I did not understand why. I would pray and beg God so many times to please help iron things out between them so that we would be one big happy family again, I truly believed a miracle would happen over night but it did not. A few weeks after I finished high school, my parents finally decided to pursue a divorce legally. It was tough having to take sides unconsciously with one of your parents. It hurts more now that I am an adult because i fully understand what happens between two people in a relationship is very complicated and no matter how many stories you hear from both parties you really should not take sides as things are not always as they seem. This experience made me look at life and relationships in a very weird way. I was either expecting too much from people with the hope things would go well as I was always too scared of rejection and things ending terribly or I entered with no hope or excitement things would go well. I realised I had not forgiven my mother and father as I blamed them alot for not trying their best to resolve their isssues for the sake of their children. So many “what ifs” and unanswered questions. I stopped believing in the institution of marriage.

Understanding and Accepting the concept of Death was my second reason for exploring Therapy. I lost my father unexpectedly two years after the divorce from my mother. Unfortunately we did not have the best relationship as at the time of his death. It was my first time experiencing death that close up and It broke me. I tried to be strong but I never really addressed my grief when he died. I had not forgiven him or myself for not trying to work on our relationship and I was angry that he would just leave the way he did. Again alot of unanswered questions.

Work Life Balance: I had been working for two years and I had thrown myself into work with all I had. As an overachiever and a hard worker, the least I could possibly do was to apply myself the best I could to ensure I was constantly adding value and being productive. I think to a large extent I started to put so much pressure on myself. I was failing to prioritise the other important things in my life. It became so bad that I was feeling overpowered by stress and anytime things did not go well at work it had a huge toll on me and would cause me sleepless nights. I knew I did not want to continue being a slave to my work and I wanted to have a healthy social life and still be productive at work. I realized my career was not a short run, but a life long race and I needed to have mechanisms in place to cope and survive the different curve balls life will throw me as things progress.

Friendships and Relationships: How do you accept or deal with disappointment? I have always found it so hard to accept and move on when people hurt me. I try to give all i can in my relationships and friendships with people. There are literally no lengths I could not go for the people I cared for and loved. I started to learn that life is not always black and white and a lot of times the people that we love will hurt us- either intentionally or unintentionally. I found it very hard to accept this concept- Forgiving was easy but forgetting what they had done was the hard part. I became very defensive when going into friendships and would be so eager to cut people off just to protect myself. I found it really hard to be vulnerable and to trust people. This was not healthy as I was starting to live quite a lonesome life not because there was no one around to be there for me, but because I was too scared to let people in with the risk they would hurt me.