I proposed to my boyfriend
By: Kaylee Moser
Tags: Gender Equality, Marriage, Relationships, Weddings, Love

I was in a Taco Bell drive-thru with my boyfriend when we decided we would get married. I had been thinking about proposing to him for a while and floated the idea of me proposing to him, instead of the traditional man-proposes-to-woman.

When we talked about it, neither of us felt right about just one of us spending a lot of money on a ring and planning a big romantic proposal. We both wanted to have the opportunity.

So right there in that drive-thru, before we received our Crunch Wrap Supremes and Quesaritos (RIP), we decided that we were “unofficially” engaged. The plan was that by Spring 2021, we would each propose to the other.

Since I had already been thinking about proposal ideas that centered on a cute Christmassy date we went on in Willow Glen every year since we started dating, I got to work. COVID-19 second-wave shutdowns changed around a lot of what I wanted to do, but what I planned instead ended up being intimate, quiet, and beautiful.

With the help of his parents, I made our own little Willow Glen winter wonderland where I could pop the question without worrying about getting sick. It was romantic, cozy, and guess what? He said yes!

He said yes!

Even though I know he’s planning to propose to me in the next few months, it doesn’t take any of the magic away. I got to show him how much I love him during my proposal and I know he’s going to do the same for me. We’re a team, and I love that.

Marriage should be a decision you make together

I’ve never been a big one for traditions, so the fact that we decided to get engaged in a non-traditional just made sense. Don’t get me wrong, I love love, relationships, and even weddings. I just don’t like how deeply rooted in sexism they can be.

What really got me thinking about sexism in wedding traditions was when I came out as bisexual a few years ago. How would LGBTQ+ people celebrate such clearly gendered traditions? If two women are getting married, who would propose to who? This train of thought made me realize that the traditions themselves are not what is important. It’s the people involved and the love they share that really counts.

Photo by Marcelo Chagas from Pexels

So how can we take the “good” parts of these traditions and make them palatable for modern times? I think we start by treating everyone as equals. Those in the relationship have a discussion and decide that they want to get married. No one should be surprised by a marriage proposal. What I mean by that is no one should present a ring and truly be wondering if their beloved will say yes.

Marriage is a huge life decision. It means intertwining lives, finances, and family. Why should just one person — typically a man in a heterosexual couple — make a huge decision and spend a ton of money? No one is being bought. A family is being formed.

Love is what you want it to be

With all that being said, I’m not trying to harp on anyone who chooses to go the traditional route. My point is that it should be a choice. You’ve discussed your future and are taking a step forward…together.

A marriage proposal is about making a commitment, and I truly believe that the most beautiful way to do that is in the way that feels right to you and your partner(s). So let’s stop putting so much weight on tradition and instead, focus on celebrating love.