“People are ADDICTED to their pain.”
By: Elliot Mcmonagle
Tags: Addiction, Mentorship, Recovery, Trauma, Success

Last week on December 2nd, 2020 during Tori Washington’s Wealth Wednesday group call she mentioned this phrase that hit my soul hard. She said something along the lines of, “People are addicted to their pain.”

Instantly, I felt the truth in this. For many reasons. While I was growing up my father was battling Lyme’s Disease for what felt like my entire existence. He was allergic to corn syrup and everything about food was monitored. He had such bad pain in his feet that some days they would burn like he was walking on fire. Some days he said it felt like stinging needles in the bottom of his feet. Many nights he spent his time soaking his feet in this thing we called his “Q” bath. It had this ball that had like metal coils on the inside and you would plug it into the wall for power. While soaking your feet it would extract toxins from your body and change the color of the water to different shades of brown, orange, green and that would communicate to him what was going on inside his body. He would get colonics on a pretty regular basis, honestly I don’t know how often he would go but that was another way that he would “detox.” In addition he had about 20 pills he would take in the morning and at night. He would tell me about the different types of “supplements” that he was taking. Always with a footnote that they are “natural” and that they don’t have “side effects.” He spent YEARS going to doctors with documents on documents of the history of drugs that he was taking on a regular basis. From there they would tweak his levels based on the symptoms he was having to reduce his pain. I remember asking him “Dad, how do you know which ones you are helping and which ones aren’t? Would you be open to going cold turkey and starting from scratch to try to identify which ones are doing what?” It was always a no with great resistance and a defensive response to explain how the process works so I could better understand HIS situation. Certainly, there were times where he was not in as much pain and other times where it was really bad. I remember there were seasons he was in a wheelchair and some seasons on crutches and some seasons where he was running, biking, skiing for leisure and fun and some seasons he trained and completed major running/biking marathons. What I saw in my dad was his openness to try new and different things for his pain. He went to holistic healers and they would suggest he try wearing clothing that is purple, the color of healing, to help the psyche of his mind. So he bought a pair of dark purple boxers with black flames on them. They were hilarious! Persistent in his pursuit to feel good was extremely apparent. It also felt like a rollercoaster. Every day, month, year with the underbelly feeling of how dad is feeling today. My dad went through phases in his career too from being laid off to employed till he was unemployed for 6 years straight. He was always innovating new ideas to create a business from. One of them was to buy RedBox’s when they first came out. One of them was to create a camera sensor that you put onto your house garage so that when you come home from a trip with your topper carrier on the top of your car or your bikes on the top of your car you don’t drive and crush/break into the front of your house. Seriously the guy was an inventor, innovator, and extremely creative. But he never made anything happen… it was always this unattainable dream that always had many risks to consider. It wasn’t money that was the issue. We had it and could have invested in his dream.

As I am journeying this life now without my father and learning from his past, as well as my own behaviors, tendencies, and belief systems I can see how at times I am addicted to the pain rather than stepping into the space of infinite JOY and abundance that is all around me. While I have been developing, nourishing, and birthing my life coaching business there are all these painful moments when the topic of money comes around. I worry about how I will make it sustainable, balanced so I have a life outside of business, and how to have fun during the many moments of uncertainty and fear. My tendency is to look to my friends and family for answers on what to do next and how to get me through the feelings of despair. OR I go into isolation and not ask anyone for help. I focus on what I have learned from my teachers on how to self care and make sure that I am “stable.” So I get out my crystals, I light my candle, I sage my body and my room, I may turn on a bit of music, take a bath and then sit in this peaceful little cove where I can hear my inner voice of truth shine through. Great, feeling all better. But now the peaceful moment is over because now I have to get back to figuring out my next move on how to make money. Instantly the fear rampages my nervous system and I feel defeated once again. Now I am resenting my self care practices because they don’t provide me the infinite peace that I am so desperately seeking and looking for. This is the addiction. Addiction to feeling good all of the time and peaceful and zen and unbothered. Where is the living? The ‘aha’ moments of being a human. Making mistakes. Learning from them and growing as a result. The advice we give our children all the time when they fall off their bike for the first time or when their heart breaks when their pet fish dies because they forgot to feed it everyday that they were supposed to or when they drank at a party underage and had to learn from the repercussions of their actions. I am a wild child, a untamed horse, a deep listener and feeler, I like the quiet moments in the morning and at night when I can just sit and do nothing or write and listen to music, I want to see the world love itself unconditionally, I want this lusty romantic love that takes us to a land of our own where we can explore like two leprechauns frolicking in a land of four leaf clovers…

So, what’s the trick to breaking addiction? A holy fuck question, right? I hear that word “addiction” and it feels icky and there isn’t a part of my being that wants to be associated or affiliated to it. I also think about rehab, folks addicted to hard core drugs, and the lengthy time it can take for someone to recover. Sometimes an entire lifetime of relapse and recovery. FUCK. That sounds infuriating and exhausting. Who in their right mind would voluntarily CHOOSE that path? It may be the only path. It may be the path to our uttermost bliss, fulfillment, and sense of complete freedom. I know this because of my experiences of losing many people to a variety of reasons and how each time I had to learn how to be with myself once again. AND I have been able to do that over and over and over again. That is how powerful I am. We are. To be able to experience deep levels of pain and deep levels of ecstasy. Naturally. No drugs, no substances, no products, no services. Drugs, substances, products, services.

It’s your path. You choose “how” you want to live it.