Are You Bicurious?
By: Christine Stevens
Tags: Relationships, Humor, LGBTQ, Sexuality, Sex

Are You Bicurious?

Exploring those feelings during the pandemic can be hard — but not impossible

This was a great time you picked to finally act on your lesbian feelings, just sayin’! But I get it. We’ve had so much time to think and ruminate these last months. We’ve really gotten to know ourselves. And I think a lot of us have decided it’s time to make a change.

Only problem: we’re all stuck at home

The COVID killjoy has gone on and on and on. Maybe we keep putting off dipping our toe in the lesbian waters because we keep waiting for the end of this lockdown condition. “I’ll go out when everything is back to normal,” we might be saying. “In the meantime, I’ll masturbate and fantasize about what it will be like with another girl.”

It’s nothing like the fantasy

That’s the thing. If you are an armchair lesbian, imagining all kinds of porn-y scenarios with supermodels, yeah, that’s not going to happen, sorry. But hey, I’m not saying you shouldn’t continue with this super hot fantasy. “She puts her hand on yours and says, I’d like to undress you. She slowly unbuttons your blouse. You gulp. You can hardly breathe. Your thighs squeeze together. You’re cumming already.”

That’s great and all, but here’s the difference: lesbians are real people. They have real feelings of awkwardness and boredom and irritation and discomfort. That’s what it means to be a human being — you didn’t know that? Yeah, our awkwardness et cetera make us real.

That means instead of hearing, “I’d like to undress you,” you are much more likely to hear an equivocal, “I’m starting to feel a real connection with you, but I don’t like to move too quickly.”

Yeah, that can be annoying — especially if you are a person like me who likes to do it on the first date. You will be surprised at how slowly it goes sometimes. Patience is a virtue. And during the epidemic, I know, you’ve had your patience stretched to your last nerve. Hang in there. I have some stuff to help you out.

How can I be sure I’m bi?

You were drunk and you made out with a girl — and you didn’t hate it. That’s how most of us bi’s got started. With me, it was I was drunk about three times and made out with girls. Finally, a woman said to me, “Hey, I’ve seen you make out with so many girls in this bar. Why don’t you stop kidding around and actually fuck one.” She was right. I had some important decisions to make — was I just a constant cunt-tease, or was I actually going to suck someone’s clit?

Just about every woman has made out with another woman when plastered. But not everybody really has emotional connections to the same gender. I suppose that is a difference.

Me, I’m always getting wicked crushes on women — way more than guys. In fact, I don’t remember any male crush I’ve had being half as strong as the crushes I get on girls. Women are just more magical, sorry dudes.

I knew at 13 that I liked girls. But some people don’t realize it until much later. I love getting a married 40-year-old in bed for the first time, and hearing that she’d never realized until tonight that she was bi. I know, I’m weird. Why should that even mean anything to me? But I admit, sometimes I do think of it as an “accomplishment” to bed a first-timer.

What will the gold-standard lesbians think of me?

There are those “never been with a man and never would” lesbians who can come off as pretty snotty about a woman like you who has “curiosities.” It’s maybe a good thing that the hardcore lesbian bars are closed right now and you don’t have to risk the humiliation that can come with encountering a butch lesbian with attitude about straight girls with fantasies. Yeah, they can be pretty mean.

But maybe that’s the type of woman that attracts you. I understand. Some of the girls I crushed on in my early days were real athletic butch types. I’ll never forget how hot I was for this girl in my high school who was a star basketball player. I even tried out for the cheerleading team in my senior year in some weird hope that she might notice me. I made “alternate.” How pitiful. So I went to all the games but I didn’t always get to cheer. In fact, most games I went out back of the auditorium and got stoned. So I was fucked out of my mind when she finally spoke to me. I couldn’t think of anything to say — me with my big mouth was suddenly incapable of speech. Never mind. I went home and fantasized about how the conversation could have gone. And I was super witty and made her laugh and she squeezed my hand and told me I was “cute.” Oh my god I came so hard just thinking of her squeezing my hand. How innocent we all once were! LOL.

So this basketball girl did grow up to be a hardcore gold standard lesbian and when I met her in a lesbian bar one night years later and confessed what a crush I had on her, she told me that she knew it, but that she didn’t see herself with bi girls like me. She was only attracted to “pure” lesbians. That was the word she used. I get it. I didn’t feel judged, and guess what — she actually squeezed my hand that night and told me how nice it was to run into each other after all those years.

Back to the masturbatorium! I came hard again imagining how that next encounter could have gone. If only she wasn’t prejudiced against femme girls with boyfriends like me.

Never mind, because there are definitely lesbians out there who ARE attracted to femmes who like dick, too. I’m one of them! Yeah, I like the butch women, the femme women, and guys too. I’m greedy I guess! I want it all.

A decision you want to make: are you interested in being with an experienced lesbian or a newbie like yourself?

I would recommend an experienced woman, because let’s face it, you have a lot to learn. So if by some chance you can find a gold-standard lesbian who really knows the ropes, that will be good. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with stumbling along and “earning while you learn” with a fellow newbie. Both are good.

Where can you meet other bi-curious people?

There are a ton of apps that claim to be for bi-curious and bi women. In fact, there so many appearing every week that it’s almost impossible to distinguish the real ones from the scams. That’s why I have this recommendation: stick to Tinder.

They went and added a sexual orientation info thingie, so you can put your sexuality as bi. And you can swipe right on the ladies. It’s true, you might get some guys swiping you but you can deal.

The point is, there are so many more people on Tinder than some “Bilady.net” flyby weird app. And you want to cast as wide a net as possible.

Undress for a woman on FaceTime, Skype or Zoom

Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing during the lockdown and it is fucking hot, don’t underestimate it. Because here’s the thing, if you slide your dress down and you aren’t wearing a bra, I’ll reciprocate by pulling my dress up and letting you see my panties.

Yeah, baby.

I know, I know, before you get to this cam sex phase you are going to introduce yourself of course, and see how you feel actually interacting with a female in this romantic kind of context.

You might discover that it’s not for you before your clothes even come off. If you are talking to your first female contact from a web site, and you don’t feel the flame, that doesn’t mean you’re not bi. It just means you’re not feeling it with this one individual. You’re not attracted to every human being with a penis, after all, are you?

So give it a chance, and have a bunch of conversations with cute girls.

Meet for coffee, masks on

That’s about the best we can do these days in LA. They keep changing whether you can even dine outdoors together. But the coffee places still serve coffee at least.

I met a girl in Silver Lake at this awesome Cuban place called Tropical. We got our cafe con leches like normal, but there was nowhere to sit there because of the restrictions. So we walked to this little park nearby, we sat six feet away from each other, and we took our masks off.

Oh man, that was sexy.

Taking your mask off is kind of like sliding your panties down these days.

I got a real tingle when she did that, that’s all I’m saying. And I was totally hot for her.

Bump some elbows and give her a wink

At the end of our little tete a tete I definitely would have gone in for the kiss during normal times, but we just fist-bumped and I did sort of wink at her and she winked back, so I knew she’d probably be down.

Next time we connected online I asked her if she had a webcam. She knew what that was asking.

She wasn’t at all shocked when I asked her to unbutton her shirt when I saw her in her little bedroom on Zoom.

Maybe she was a little shocked when I pulled out my big black dildo and did myself on camera.

“My God, I couldn’t put something that size in me,” she said after.

“No, but I bet I could put it in for you,” I said. “But I’d have to make you cum with my mouth at least five times first, just to get you prepped.”

“Promises, promises,” she said.

But we made it happen.

Get tested, quarantine, then meet up

We both got tested because we were both horny AF to actually do each other. Then we totally sequestered — at least I did. I can only trust that she did too. We waited a week and I went over to her place.

And yes, I brought my black toy. (It fit her just fine!)

Maybe you’re not an exhibitionist

This webcam thing is not for everyone, I get it. So if you don’t feel like having cam sex with each other, the next best thing is old fashioned phone sex. You lie down, and you tell her that you are imagining her lying down next to you. That is really fun, actually. Sometimes more fun than seeing her there on the camera.

Don’t talk about politics or COVID!

Whatever you do, when you finally meet a woman on text or on the phone or at a coffee place, talk about something else, please! We’re just so tired of all this shit. We want a break.

Talk about her. About what she’s wearing. About what she does. And what you’d like to do to her!

We women liked to be talked about, but you know that!

And maybe you’ll get lucky, in person, or on camera, or on the old circular dial landline.

Remember, in a few months after this thing ends, you will actually be able to go to a girl bar and dance the night away with people just like you. The LGBTQ community, while it is slightly biased against bi, is mostly an awesome thing.

Welcome!