Time to Reflect on 2020
By: Nicole Neal
Tags: Christmas Eve, Reflections, Solstice, New Year, Gratitude

The weeks of twenty-twenty have drug by like a wheel barrow without a wheel, and yet I’ll treasure them for the rest of my life.

Prior to this year I was an ungrateful jerk, jealous of all those with more than myself, and anxious to get the top by any means possible. That sounds much worse to say now that it’s written on the page. It’s about time we all suffered through a little self awareness.

While technology has blessed us with a new world of endless opportunity for connection and expression, that same concept has fostered echo chambers of radicalization on social media, and an obsession with instant gratification. We’re flat out fucking lost.

The first few months of the year I was walkin’ on sunshine, talking about how great this year was going to be, and boy that image could’ve have aged worse if it tried. Anyways, the point is I thought I was doing good, but the truth is that I was delusional. I had these huge dreams, but none of them were truly mine, and thus I never really worked on them.

Fast forward to May when we found ourselves in a desolate ranch house on the prairie land of the Panhandle with no internet, and no guide on surviving country life. Doesn’t sound that bad, but I’ll save some stories for another day. We got in over our heads after the financial hardships brought on by the virus fought up to us. What we didn’t realize is that last moment of solitude and peace at the ranch were the last we would have for the year.

Here we in December after having survived a round the clock lockdown to protect our family from deranged lunatic, losing our apartment after the ranch had failed, and living in an overpopulated apartment with our entire life packed into a single bedroom, and honestly lucky to have even that.

It became very easy to stop and look around at our lives and wonder, “how did you end up here?” The moment we got all the boxes stuffed into our One hundred square foot sanctum, exhausted after the fourth move in less than four months, I broke down. And we’re talking the big whopping sobbing elephant tears and gobs of snot nearly spurring me into a full blown asthma attack on the floor kind of break down.

It all became so clear. I had wasted my life up to this point playing it safe, putting my ladder up against all the wrong walls. The vein and worthless obsession creating wealth instead of creating joy had consumed my life. I had become jaded, fickle, and impatient. Everything I thought that I hated, was exactly who I had become.

From that day I decided to take the advice of Gary Vaynerchuck and take responsibility for everything wrong in my life. I decided it was time to own up to my bull shit, and do something about it.

That alone, would be enough, to make this year worth it a hundred times over for me. I feel at peace, even in the midst all the challenges and fears that these times are shrouded in. I feel an abundance of gratitude for every small pleasure and luxury in my life, cherish every moment, and spend my time doing the things that make me truly happy.

This year has given me more gifts than I know how to accept, and while we all hate this year I don’t want that to go unspoken. Embrace how this year has changed you, accept the gifts that you’ve earned in the trenches of suffering, and continue to evolve.

Before this year ends, take five minutes, and celebrate every good thing that came of this year. Celebrate the breath that must still be in your lungs if you’re reading this, hug you loved ones, and play life with joy and integrity while we’re so blessed to have it.

Stay safe and Happy Holidays my friends.