9 important questions to ask yourself to thrive in 2021
By: Banchiwosen Woldeyesus, Blogger Ethiopia
Tags: Success, Inspiration, Life Lessons, Questions, New Year

1. What do you love to do? Do you do it often? If the answer is no, why not?

A friend of mine just quit her job in the middle of a pandemic. She loves designing clothes and she has always talked about opening a designing shop. When I ask her, “Why the hell are you not doing what you love to do?” her answer was always, “What about my job? What about my responsibilities?”

I guess she got tired of turning her back on what she loves to do.

Since mid-2018, I’m doing what I love to do: teaching and writing. This is my life. The only life I’m going to have.

What about you?

What do you love to do? If you’re not putting energy and time into it, why not? We think we have all the time in the world. That’s a huge problem. We think we will do what we love to do in our 30s, or 40s, or 50s. Or we put an imaginary “someday” in our calendar and we tell ourselves we will do what we love doing when that day comes.

That day never comes.

What you love to do matters. Why would you put it in the bottom of your shelf? Enjoying something is enough of a reason to go and get it. You don’t have to quit your job to start doing what you love to do. You can start having an affair with what you love to do. Surely, you can take 30 minutes or an hour every day to make love with something you enjoy doing. Like lovers who sneak out to a stairwell to make love like crazy, sneak out from your job and responsibilities to give what you love to do a chance to flourish.

2. Where do you see yourself in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Picture in your mind your future self.

Where do you see yourself, your relationship, job, career, and business in 1 year? 5 years? If you really want to see what you imagine, write whatever your mind is picturing. The more vivid your picture is, the more you can see where you want your life to go.

For example, I say no when friends ask me to go to parties. I refuse because I see my future self starting a family with my boyfriend. Going to parties every night is not on my map.

This question is important because you can use your answer like a compass to guide how you spend your days. You can then take small steps every day that inch you closer to your future self.

3. What would you regret not doing?

A friend’s loss this year has taught me life is fickle. You and I are racing toward our graves. Behind every human heart, a feeble, insecure, vulnerable, and beautiful life lives, clinging onto fluttering hopes. Desperately. To live.

We have less time than we think.

Thinking about regret might make you uncomfortable. But that’s exactly why you need to think about.

. Telling someone you like how you feel

. Forgiving your friend for the stupid mistake he made in high school

. Spending quality time with your spouse

. Starting a business

. Quitting a job you hate

. Moving to another country

When you ask yourself honestly what you would regret not doing, you start doing them. You move towards what you have been avoiding for so long.

Asking about what you would regret not doing is a powerful motivator.

4. What do you want to be remembered by?

Thriving does not have to mean only on external things.

When we die, no one is going to remember the money in our bank account, the brand or number of cars we drove, or the mansion we lived in.

No one will remember us for these external things.

Working on internal things is a beautiful way to thrive. We can start working on things that will make us eternally live in the hearts of those we love. Who are you in your depth? Who are you beyond your resume? Are you loving? Dependable? Are you considerate of others? Do you spend time with your loved ones? What is the nature of your relationships? Do you love enough? Or do you calculate every action you take — whether it gives you something in return or not?

You can start living life the way you want people to remember you. Think of your eulogy. What would your eulogy say when it is read at your funeral?

5. If a doctor gave you one year to live, what would you try to accomplish?

Before almost dying, I treated life as if I would get another chance to live life the way I want one day.

Every day, I dragged my unwilling self out of bed at an ungodly hour. I got stuck inside an office all day, slaving away my life for a measly paycheck. I did this for a boss who did nothing but loaf around, snapped at his employees, and spent his weekends luxuriating. I was bone-tired from being ordered like a slave.

And yet.

I did nothing to change my situation until an ectopic pregnancy landed my unconscious body in the emergency room.

The first statement my doctor told me when I woke up after many hours of surgery was, “You would be dead right now if you had arrived at our hospital by 30 minutes late.”

My near-to-death experience has changed my life.

I’m thankful for the horrible experience that almost killed me. I take every day as a gift now, because it is. A second chance in life gracing me had snapped me out of my comfort zone. I’m now a sought-after trainer and public speaker in Ethiopia. I’ve started writing professionally. I love what I do now. No more tolerating a job. No more waiting for “someday” when I will find a job I will love.

This is the best question to start walking in the direction of what you want to do in life.

Stop treating your life as if you’ll live forever.

6. When you look at the picture of your life, what do you see?

I have an artist friend who paints on a canvas like crazy. If she feels like something can be done about the art she tossed aside, she would do so. If she feels like it is time to create something new from scratch, she would do so. She is always brushing on something old that needs a new brush. Or else she is laying her first brush on a new canvas.

You can I can take a lesson from this.

The picture of our life is not fixed. If we don’t like the picture we see, we can always change it.

Take your life as a canvas you get to paint. Take an objective look at your life. Do you like it? Are you a hero in it? Are you driving your life the way you want it? Is your life happy? If you don’t like the picture you see so far, the brush is in your hands. Don’t just stand there looking at the picture wondering what has happened. You can do something about what you don’t like.

You can change the picture.

7. What did you want to be when you were younger?

At 15, I wanted to be a writer. But then, I stopped writing until I was 29. The sense of freedom and unselfconscious rigor I had at 15 had vanished into thin air.

As we age, we have more responsibilities and less time. But it’s not just responsibilities and lack of time as an adult that scare us to bury our dreams. Every time we hesitantly approach our dreams, an insidious voice interrupts us,

“What’s the point? What does it matter? Why spend Saturday afternoons practicing my painting, writing, running, that turns out to be just okay?”

It’s time to wake your younger self up.

Take out a piece of paper and make two columns. In the left column, write your dreams. In the right column, next to each dream, write one thing you can do today to achieve that dream. Then start dribbling like a football player dribbles a ball. You need to take one step at a time because you cannot achieve your dreams in one day just like you can’t kick a ball directly into an opposing goal. You have to dribble the ball to reach the goal.

Do the same for your dreams. One dribble at a time.

8. What are you most terrified of?

. I’ll start my business when I’m no longer terrified of failing.

. I’ll start publishing my articles when I’m no longer terrified of telling my story.

. I’ll work on my relationship when I’m not terrified of confronting my issues.

If you wait for fear to go away and leave you alone, you’re going to wait for a long, long time. Whatever you’re trying to achieve (your dreams, startup, side business, creativity, and relationships) are paying the price.

You need to do what you’re terrified of. The “doing it” comes before you feel better about your fear. Terrified to be a writer? Write something and send a draft to a publisher. Terrified of social interactions? Say hello to your neighbor.

Make a list of things you’re terrified of. By terrified of I don’t mean “likely to cause you bodily harm”. I mean things that make you uncomfortable that you know you need to do. Like walking up and talking to a stranger. Like asking someone out. Like speaking up. Like developing opinions. Go do what makes you feel uncomfortable for your next-level life is lurking behind your fears. Check off every single item on your list.

You don’t have to take a giant leap, my friends. You can start small.

9. How many people do you love? What are you doing for them now?

I don’t know why thriving is only related to the work we do or the business we run. I don’t know about you, but I want to thrive at loving my loved ones.

We need to make time for what matters — our loved ones. Yet we so often lose sight of this.

We get busy. We need to work to pay the bills. To buy the house. To get the promotion. And we just forget. It’s not until we lose our loved ones regret breaks our heart.

Like it or not, the clock is ticking.

It’s time for all of us to slow down, look around, and spend time with the people who matter to us. I’m not talking about five minutes snatched here and there while staring at a screen. I’m talking about a quality time when you are fully present with those around you and your surroundings.

It’s not always easy to love the people you care about. You won’t always love them. Sometimes they’ll annoy you, or you’ll disagree. And that’s okay.

No one and no relationship is perfect. We’re all doing the best we can.

The important thing is you love your loved ones today. Make time for them, even if your relationship has ups and downs, and let them know you care while you have the chance.