fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
Trauma part 1
Tags: Growth, Trauma, My Story

Are you one of the many people who has been through trauma? Did you know if you are exposed to enough trauma there is a possibility that you’ll become a psychopath? Trauma comes in many different forms. It could be a near-death experience such as a car accident. Trauma could also be caused by family or friends. We are going to talk a little about my personal experiences and some statistics. English is not the only languish I speak so pardon me for some misspelling.

About 60% of men have been through trauma at least once in their life. 50% of women are estimated according to Global Bioabsorbable Trauma Fixation Industry 2020 Market Research Report. These are huge amounts of people, almost all of them have to struggle with the consequences. Some never heal from the outcome.

I was born in a less financially stable home and it didn’t last long. You see I brought luck with me when I came to this world. I was told that after my birth my dad’s business bloomed and we became rich rich. Life was good for a while but when I was maybe two years old my life changed quickly. My dad the strongest, hardworking, kind man got in a car accident. He was walking across the street and a car ran over him. That was his trauma. My uncles drove me, my mom, and my siblings to the hospital. Me and my younger brother were in the car while they rushed to the emergency room. I was a really curious child and of course, opened the door to figure out why they were so upset. Keep in mind that I was only two. I went into the hospital and the first thing I saw was my mother on her knees crying and screaming. This is part of my trauma. As a little girl, the first thing you would do in that situation was to go and hug mum but I didn’t. I went back to the big black car while crying.

That was only the beginning. My family lived in a big mansion together with the rest of my father’s family. We were three families living there, trust me they were not very nice people. My dad was the wealthiest person and they used him because of that. Especially his mom. After the accident he became useless. We all became a burden. His family thought that they had to take responsibility for our supply and support us financially for the rest of their lives. Funny huh? To think that your own family would be so cruel.

Well, either way, my dad survived. As I told you before, he is the strongest person I’ve ever seen in my life. The doctors told my mom he wouldn’t survive and while my dad was unconscious he heard doctors talk about his situation. He fought death to stay with his kids even if it meant living through hell. His fight wouldn’t end there. After he woke up from the coma they told him horrible news. He won't be able to walk again. Imagine how that would feel! How would it feel to be numb from the waist down?
One day, you just stop searching.
By: Carolina B
Tags: PTSD, Trauma, Healing, Life Lessons, Perspective

One day, you just stop searching.

You forget about those familiar sensations, the unshakeable feeling that all good things have an end, that desperate heartbeat that consumes you. You catch yourself trying to figure out what it is you’re forgetting. This street feels familiar, but you can't quite put your finger on it. You’ve said something here before but it's now too distant to hear. You’ve definitely felt something here before. You have lived this very moment before. And surprisingly, these feelings are as fleeting as they are profound.

That, my friends, is what the first time feels like — the first time you realize you aren’t thinking of him. No, not your first love. Actually, not even the third love (who some people say is supposed to be your soulmate). No, not them.

For years, I carried my trauma with me like a corsage at prom, showing it to anyone who noticed it sat there heavy on my arm. I carried my trauma like a pair of dangly earrings, and I matched all of my moods to it. My trauma was all I seemed to wear and all I seemed to consume. It’s all I seemed to hear and all I really knew. Before that moment I forgot, I never knew what it was like to feel so free.

I write this for you — the person wondering if you’ll ever experience the lightness that seems to radiate from everyone but you. There will be a day when you walk down the street, and the things that used to drag you back to the old days will be but small gusts of cold wind on a bright sunny day. There will be days you want to stop walking toward the sun, but when you do, remember that these gusts of wind are temporary, and you’ll soon be back in the sun.
Make Me Whole
By: Afiyah The Poet
Tags: Trauma, Inner Journey, Healing, 365 Days Of Poetry, Poetry

Traumas show up

in weird ways

Pain comes up

in the space of joy

I don’t even know

what they’re about

They’ve been trapped

in the memory of the cells

Looking for

an expression

They show up

at inopportune times

Association digs up

despite target clearly wrong

Healing chance

they will take

To make me run

or make me whole.

(365 Days of Poetry — Day 341)
They were way-laid
By: Steven Welzer
Tags: Trauma, Crisis Of Meaning, Maga, Disorientation, Counterculture

A certain sympathy for the MAGA inclination . . .

Things that used to be normative (like patriotism and gender roles) now are derided; things that used to be sacrosanct (religion, marriage, the military) now are disdained; things that used to be extolled (economic growth, petroleum products, suburbia, Columbus) now are disparaged.

The culture had certain fundaments, for many, many generations. It was disconcerting to be told that the culture actually is pernicious, destructive, and perverse. It’s not so easy to understand why. It’s been traumatic to have lifeways hollowed out, meaning nullified. We ought to be sympathetic regarding the resultant confusion, distress, and disorientation.

I actually think the situation could be explained and the resolution could be explicated in a positive and constructive way. The Simplicity Institute is exemplary in that respect.
Breaking Trickle Down Trauma Cycles
By: Sidda Lee
Tags: Trauma, Healing, Self-awareness, Family, Self Improvement

Sometimes we can become so hyper-focused on the not becoming parts that we fail to develop our own true identities. This plays out in situations with adults who fear parenthood because they have a deep-seated fear of becoming like their own parents. In more extreme cases such as sexual abuse, incest, rape, extreme neglect, or abandonment the intergenerational trauma can go undetected for many generations. Largely because all these family dynamics are extremely toxic and dysfunctional.

Any time any family is placed in a situation that any of the above-listed travesties occur, the entire family is subjected to keeping the family secret. All members of this family, three, four, and five generations later are born into a system in which their utmost responsibility is keeping this secret because their very survival in this family unit is dependent on it. Toxic family systems and trauma are nearly synonymous, one cannot exist without the other. It quite literally, trickles down from generation to generation.

Families that house extreme amounts of intergenerational trauma often struggle to form relationships with each other. The atmosphere alone breeds tiny threads of resentment within the familial unit and because of this, these families can appear to have cliques. One or two siblings and their children get along better than others or that become nearly separated from everyone else. Connections can lack trust and sincerity and there is an air of “us versus them”. Almost always the lack of connections and the “us and them” dynamics were formed in childhood. We see this in birth order studies and toxic family systems in which one child is the family scapegoat and one child is the golden child.

Intergenerational trauma can also be observed in the physical sense, too. Psychological studies now link excessive weight gain to some form of trauma. In adults who suffered some form of sexual abuse, incest, or violence, often, weight is carried in the midsection. Belly fat is often a result of an internalized notion of protection, triggered by the autonomic nervous system. While this may sound silly on the surface, breaking it down a bit further we can see that it makes sense that the nervous system designed to protect us would store extra fat cells where our internal organs are. Sometimes, morbid obesity is linked to trauma because many people, especially women who have been assaulted feel as though the extra weight will stop anyone else from violating them. This weight is often blamed on genetics in family systems. Grandma so and so “had a little fat belly and you have it, too”, for example.

If any of this sounds like you or your family or you are simply curious, I highly suggest the books The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk and It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn. You can also check my list of 7 Must-Read Books for Healing. Increasing self-awareness and identifying patterns of behavior can be extremely helpful and healing in all aspects.

It only takes one person to break a century-old cycle.
Some Thoughts on Trauma
By: Alejandro Marquez
Tags: Health, Trauma, Mental Health, Wellbeing

“How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell,” said the late country music icon Johnny Cash. “There is a deep, wide gulf a chasm and in that chasm is no place for any man.”

I went through a rough patch the year when I turned 30. I was living overseas and coming back to the States after two years abroad. The move entailed leaving a job, moving back into my parents’ house, and looking for work. I also found out right before the move that I had cancer. I took about a year and a half to rest and recuperate. I went through all of these emotions including depression, anger that this was happening to me, and jealousy at how everyone was able to enjoy their lives.

There is a poem that I thought a lot about when I was going through this by William Ernest Henley entitled Invictus. The lines that really called to me were:

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.

Like every hardship that I had previously faced in life, I thought that I could just white knuckle it. I could use my skills and talents to overcome the difficulty. I reached a point emotionally and physically where the experience broke me. It was hard to say that you are the leader of your own life when you are a crumpled mess on the floor.

I’ve thought a lot about the question, Why do some thrive after trauma and others go further into a negativity spiral? From the research literature, it appears that about 80% of individuals believe that the trauma that they experienced had some positive value. Some of the benefits might include empathy, finding a passion, being of service to others, and leaving a bad situation behind.

I’ve always wondered about that 20% who found no meaning in the experience and whose memory of those events is still raw. I think about my own brief intense experience and if what I experienced was 10% of what they felt, then I have tremendous compassion for what they went through and are continuing to go through.
What is home anyway?
By: Uzayer Masud
Tags: Trauma, Thoughts, Angst, Nonfiction, Art

People miss home when they’re away. A room of one’s own, a last refuge to the battlegrounds of the world. A place where you can go to when everything goes wrong.

But what do we do when home stops feeling like home? When the sanctums of your room are no longer the safe haven of comfort that it once used to be?

Your room reminds you of drunken emotions, the lights are blinding and the yellow warmth turns into blue fluorescents that cut through your skin sharper than the shards of broken glass on your floor could.

Tell me, what do you do, when home isn’t home anymore? What do you do when you’re tired for days on end. Who cares about sleep when you’re working on the computer as dawn ignites on the eastern skies. When any semblance of normalcy escapes your grasp and all you’re left with are the emotional wounds of childhood.

Tell me, whoever you are,

why must one suffer for the sins of the father?
It’s almost weird how trauma shapes us as people.
By: Anna Balarezo
Tags: Trauma, Death And Dying, Trauma Recovery, Mental Health, Death

It’s almost weird how trauma shapes us as people. I mean, there is an impact on our lives, but I never realized how much it affected my own identity. I lost two siblings by the age of ten. Before then, my introductions to people consisted of “Hi, I’m Anna, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m half Irish, half Peruvian, but I’ve lived in the Middle East my whole life.” I mean, it was pretty simple. Just key defining things about myself that protected me from being vulnerable to others and was just enough for them to know about me. After I lost my siblings, it became more of a “Hi, I’m Anna, and my siblings are dead.” Yeah, I know it’s morbid as can be. Many people used to tell me things like, “first time I met you, I never felt like speaking to you again. You creeped me out to the absolute max.” Thanks Lottie, noted. The thing is, not only did people find it creepy and morbid, but they thought of me as some attention seeking child. Truth is, I wasn’t. Something about introducing myself to people in this way was a form of hope. A small sliver of hope that I cling onto that someone would say, “oh, I lost mine too.” As weird as it may be, in a world in which we feel so alone and disconnected, the feeling of finding a kindred soul or spirit sounded so liberating. Trauma is one of those things that just kind of sticks, it’s a weird web of superglue that kind of clings onto you no matter what. Eventually, you stop trying to fight it and almost invite it into your life. It’s a strange thing, but having your trauma be a part of you and your identity sounds so unhealthy, but it’s a way to reclaim it.

I guess trauma and vulnerability go hand in hand. It took me a while to come to the realization that vulnerability doesn’t necessarily have to be something bad. It can be empowering, you let people know things about yourself before they do. A way to flip your trauma off. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to deal with your trauma in different ways. After all we’ve gone through, making jokes about it or “reclaiming” it, doesn’t seem so bad after all. A bit of a ramble, but oh well.
I don’t wanna know the details.
By: Aaron Largent
Tags: Trauma, Dramatic, Writing

I don’t wanna know the details. I don’t wanna hate you. I think I still love you, but I’m really angry. I feel betrayed and broken. As if the person I once knew doesn’t exist. It was a all facade so you could hide in the shadow of your self-perceived righteousness. It’s like you aren’t 𝘺𝘰𝘶 anymore. I want to show you love and compassion, but I can’t even look you in the eye. A switch flipped and you were suddenly… different.
This is just a 17 year old high-school student with a traumatic life writing about what’s around…
By: Emily E. Winters
Tags: Trauma, Life, Teenagers

This is just a 17 year old high-school student with a traumatic life writing about what’s around her and trying to figure out life along the way. Tomorrow will be an intro piece and then I will just follow my intuition on what to write from there.
Going Deep
By: Maria Stanborough
Tags: Relationships, Trauma, Healing, Navel Gazing, Recovery

I’ve decided to use Medium to get out all the endless stories I’ve been mulling about for the past 3 years. The last story I wrote I finally identified my home with my ex-partner was not safe and loving.

But, honestly, none of my homes ever were. The one with him was just extremely bad for me.

It is, I think, really hard to make a safe home when you have never known what a safe home might feel like. I’m sure some people are able to, however they can do that. But I wasn’t.

My high school sweetheart is a beautiful human being. He is gentle, kind, funny and pretty wacky. We had a very loving relationship. But it wasn’t ‘safe’ for me. Nothing to do with him. Everything to do with me.

Since then I’ve had lots of relationships that are all a different combination of safe and loving. With Rob I was materially safe, but I was never emotionally safe. We were not a loving relationship. I have had very, very passionate loving relationships but they always carried a layer of discomfort for me. Sadly, the discomfort always meant the relationships didn’t work.

Right now I’m a little bitter that I didn’t get this any sooner in my life. But the bitterness is pointless.

Now I simply get to sit with what safe and loving feels like, where I have that in my life, what that feels like, and how it can be better in other parts. And the rest, I guess, I have to let go.
Bloodlines
By: Beth Frances
Tags: Women, Feminism, Trauma, Mental Health, Family

When I was young, my mother showed me the strength of a woman, her tongue was sharp, and she moved with the grace of a cat.

I listened to everything she said, and I absorbed her words into my mind until they became a part of me too.

I was strong and could be stronger than anyone that challenged me.

I was beautiful, and anyone who couldn’t see that was blinded by their own hatred.

I was smart, and my words held the power of a thousand seas.

But as the compliments rolled off her lips like honey, so did the poisonous critiques. Yet still, I listened, and my body housed those words as well.

I was not to talk first but wait until spoken to by an adult. Pretty, polite girls keep their mouths shut.

I could do better than that, she paid for a tutor, and I still failed.

I am not stronger than her, she is almighty, and she brought me to this world. I will never be stronger.

I am pretty, but my hair looks messy today. No boys will appreciate that.

I am independent, but I am leaving her alone, and she is not a bad mother.

The words of my mother became the house that I slept in. I build myself around her words, and like her, it looks pretty on the outside, but the foundation is in shambles.

The day I learnt of her own traumas was the day I realized that no one person can hold that much power over me. Now I love my mother, and my mother loves me, but her traumas became mine the day I was born. She held me without realizing she was taking me down with her.

The traumas of her past became intergenerational, and I walk around every day with the weight of them on my shoulder. Just as my mother does with my grandmother’s wounds. The past of abusive husbands or fathers and being dimmed by others’ light live in the bloodline of women in my family.

And so it goes on, with softly spoken snubs and perfectly primed nails, a generation of women fall into the cycle of pain that was never theirs to carry.
Today marks the one year anniversary where my school was almost shot up.
By: Ellimac Elpmet
Tags: High School, Trauma, School

Today marks the one year anniversary where my school was almost shot up. December 13th 2019 a teenager from a neighboring High School brought a loaded gun to school. None of the administrators were made aware until 1:30 when we had went on a full lockdown. Eventually they found the teen and arrested him before he could do any harm, but the most frustrating thing about this situation is the schools response. Instead of consoling students, we were given group presentations about wearing school IDs to “protect every student”. Students had already been told to wear an ID however, now it was mandatory. We were told to wear dog tags in order to protect the student body. My anger holds to this day because of this.

Signed,

Ellimac
An Angel Sat With Me
By: Katie Michaelson
Tags: Poem, Angels, Trauma, Friendship, Prose Poem

An angel sat at the desk in front of me. She turned and held my heart with her gaze. The darkness lifted. The surrounding darkness lifted enough that I could see her there. There in the room with me.

An angel looked at me through the haze. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared into me. The tears saw my pain. I could see past myself and into her sincere and honest spirit.

An angel spoke to me softly. Her words were in the language of love and compassion. Words giving, gentle, honest and kind moved towards me. I could feel the strength within her.

A tiny spark of courage kindled within me.

A tiny spark.

A spark.

An angel walked beside me all these years. She has been there walking gracefully and kindly. Living only as a memory of that day when she sat at the desk in front of me.

An angel sat at the desk in front of me.

An angel looked at me through the haze.

An angel spoke to me softly.

A tiny spark of courage kindled within me.

An angel walked beside me all these years.

A moment’s pause

looking to see

speaking softly

giving gifts

that last.
Three Ways that Child Welfare is Failing Older Foster Youth
By: Sarah Sullivan
Tags: Trauma, Healing, Foster Youth, Child Welfare, Foster Care

Today, Think Of Us is publishing Aged Out: How We’re Failing Youth Transitioning Out of Foster Care. This reflects work we’ve done over the past year to understand how the child welfare system is failing youth aging out of foster care.

Read the full report.

Across the country, far too many young people age out of foster care every year into unacceptable circumstances. Think Of Us (TOU) was founded by Sixto Cancel to dramatically improve the experiences of older youth in foster care and to use the tools of the 21st century to do it.

Since its founding, the TOU team worked tirelessly — right alongside foster youth — to develop technology solutions to foster youths’ most pressing challenges. Together, they designed technology to help set and achieve meaningful goals, create a budget, safely store sensitive documents, coordinate and communicate easily with a range of paid staff and supportive adults, and more.

By 2019, Think Of Us had a broad array of digital solutions and features. It had done a lot of good. And it had lots of lessons learned. But Think of Us was ready to take everything it had learned to the next level. It was ready to go deeper.

I joined the team in the fall of 2019, and we set to work to figure out: What were we missing? How can tech products and tech-enabled interventions help truly transform foster youths’ lives? How could Think Of Us go deeper?

We started where every good technology product should start: user research. We launched a series of intense discovery sprints with five foster care locations across the country where we talked to scores of young people, alumni, and staff. We expected to find insights that would make our products and our site partners better. What we didn’t expect was to uncover gaping holes — big gaps in the ecosystem, that rarely go noticed, let alone addressed.

Think Of Us and our partner locations are using this research now to design our technology and our interventions. But we think this research is too important to keep to ourselves.

That is why, today we are proud to publish Aged Out: How We’re Failing Youth Transitioning Out of Foster Care and share our research with the wider ecosystem.

We think we have made discoveries that others can benefit from. We hope that it can help all of us get better at serving those counting on us most.
29 days and you are able to write this.
By: Stephen Chamberlin
Tags: PTSD, Trauma, Anxiety, Growth, Trauma Recovery

29 days and you are able to write this. Bravo. Thank you for the insight. I don’t have a specific trauma…aside from a divorce that knocked me on my arse,..but years of high stress work capped by the divorce was the catalyst for a change — and while I was able to identify anxiety etc…as typical post trauma symptoms….I also launched a life as a nomad, began writing (I was never — and anyone who reads me will get this- creative, but it’s an outlet) and never made the connection to the divorce and the life that preceded it. This essay put some pieces together for me. Thanks for the strength and the insight.
The Day After.
By: Urvi Jhaveri Sanghvi
Tags: Trauma, Sandy Hook, Grief, Violence, Mental Health

“What do you mean there’s been another shooting? Where?” I turn back to my computer and pull about the news in my browser. Headlines about a shooting, with an unknown amount of victims, at an elementary school. A fucking elementary school? In the little known town of Sandy Hook, near Newtown, Connecticut.

I close the browser. I can’t. I have work to do. I have patients to see and families to care for. I notice a few missed calls on my phone. Mainly from a friend who I haven’t talked to for months since. I had distanced myself from many, after dealing with infertility and losing a different close friend to suicide in the year prior. I put my phone way. I get back to work.

I don’t know how the day went on after that. I know I did my job. I know I came home to my husband at some point. I know I fell asleep.

The day after.

It was Saturday morning and all was just okay. Looking back I’m sure I was depressed. Earlier that summer we lost our first pregnancy in the second trimester. A suicide, pregnancy losses, and mass shootings…

I knew I still had those missed calls and messages to tend to. Then, my friend’s wife started calling. A text message came next, which I’m still to this day — 8 years later — able to pull up on my phone, reads “Please call J — , he needs you…”

And that was it. My day after. I learned that my dear friends’ only child was murdered in her elementary school classroom, on the 14th day of December in 2012. One love story, a life, a heart no longer beating… to be shared in the dark, winter sea with so many others.
A Cereus’ Ode
By: Kyla Sawyer
Tags: Trauma, Free Verse, Love, Ode, Promises

Bygone days of vainglorious abuse and

sexual incursion from titans.

And in consequence has made me perceive

the moon as a meteor,

fabricating its eventual crash landing.

I see their acts of kindness as love bombing or

manipulation without delay.

But when my petals begin to reach for the moonlight

again, to start over and begin

again with someone new, I once

again am shown,

my petals were only made for picking.

That there is no reason to believe their calloused hands

can halt from pilfering.

There’s chatter from birds and butterflies

about the love they feel.

Oh, how the spring flourishes for them.

I whisper to myself,

“Oh, that’s a red flag.”

“He’s manipulating you.”

“You need to uproot yourself before he has you in his grasp.”

Repulsed, I sweat and wish the roots could pull me under the soil

where they dwell comfortably in the dark.

Or I ask the thorns I’ve grown on my sides,

to protect their hearts from what I know what can be done.

The mornings dew no longer reviving.

Desecration has worn my vision.

Bloom falters when approached with a green light.

Old soil left lingering among the new, singing,

“She never used to be like that.”

I used to be the one to take the lead.

Walk right up and say, “dance with me.”

I used to believe in their rain checks.

But what I should’ve believed was the broken

eye contact

and the vodka on their tongue.

Maybe then I would’ve known that tomorrow

would never come.

And most of all, I hate that I know the exact moment

when I lost my conviction

and replaced it with fear and resentment.

But I’m trying now. My petals are stretching

themselves awake, reaching for the moon’s smile.

I want to believe that I can find a love

that’s birthed from health and good intendment;

To allow my vibration to keep away

the pernicious and hostility, translated into the masculine.

To stop generalizing all of them as the same.

The heat from their midnight fires

is not to be compared

to another’s torch, waved across an innocence’s land.

Exiling them all, because they did it to you,

does not justify your dismissal,

it just perpetuates your pain.
Standing Naked in Public
By: April M. Hamm, She They
Tags: Trauma, Healing, Life Lessons, Memoir, Mental Health

Memoir

Standing Naked in Public

Greyscale Photography of Nude Model in Pearls by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

A few weeks ago, I decided to answer a question prompt about a childhood secret I never told my parents. I’ve since republished the answer as a story on Medium, to appear as a chapter in my forthcoming memoir, PolarXpression.

The words flowed seamlessly, but I hesitated before publishing. Even now, weeks later, despite tens of thousands of views, hundreds of upvotes, and many supportive comments, it’s difficult not to simply unpublish what has become arguably my most successful online article in the past two decades (i.e. ever).

You see, the story I shared is still a secret. My parents don’t know about it (yet). No one in my family (yet). No one in my hometown (yet). Not a single living soul. Except you. Can you keep a secret? No matter, truth comes to light eventually.

It’s a secret so private that I feel naked and vulnerable telling it. Writing through all the layers of guilt, shame, pain, and other repressed emotions felt like stripping my clothes off in public — slowly, one article of protection at a time. Except it wasn’t like Spin the Bottle or Strip Poker. I wasn’t drunk or otherwise intoxicated. I wasn’t being forced or coerced to tell my story. But I had to finally tell someone. All these years and decades later. I had to let the past go. In doing so, I removed all my clothing.
token
By: Jua Na Hekima
Tags: Trauma, Third Culture Kids, African, Mental Health, Immigration

“your English is so good, she’s so well spoken”

“she’s so well adjusted”

“you look healthy!”

resilient. assimilation. third culture kid.

i moved to the united states at age 10

i remember the week or the night before we left for another continent, a friend of mine (i wish i remembered your name) gave me a word of caution. “you need to be careful cause i know a black person who was stabbed at a bus stop in america just because they were black”

this changed everything

for me moving to the united states meant:

i will never have to see my abusers again

i will feel safe

we will have a house with a picket fence (LEGITIMATELY THOUGHT THIS)

i will see and play with snow

would start in Minnesota and end up in New York City

the “advice” given to me at the absolute last minute truly shattered the hopefulness i had

but regardless…it’s america…it’s bound to be lit minus the possibility of getting stabbed for being black

the arrival…we were staying with my uncle but he was different…

i remembered him as fun, cool…loving towards me but now he just seemed distant…working ridiculous hours to provide us comfort

my mother going back home to tidy up our affairs

my sister feeling like a stranger to me

an idealization of my brother cause i never felt we got enough time to hang out

and the anxiety….god the anxiety….

some things are still too painful to revisit

i am proud of myself for making it this far.

**inspiration**
Legacy
By: Corrin Avchin
Tags: Trauma, Legacy, Unhealthy, Family, Toxic

By: Corrin Luella Avchin

I am my mothers child.

I crave addictive men and addictive substances.

I am my fathers child.

I crave violence. Emotionally.

My body is always cold but the inside of me burns from a place I cannot grasp. I fear if I touch the flare inside of me, my entire being will vanish without my say.

I am fueled by rage I do not understand.

I am terrified to understand my temper.

These cravings gnaw inside of me if I do not give them a speck of what they want.

How do I give them what I want without giving particles of myself away?

What is the compromise?

Is there one?

It seems I am addicted to unrequited love.

It’s all I’ve ever know n— since birth.

So why wouldn’t I be attracted to what isn’t attracted to me?

Will this sequence ever stop? It’s absolutely exhausting to love someone or something that shows interest but eventually turns away.

It’s heart wrenching.

It’s all consuming.

Their demons swell inside of me.

This is their legacy.

Photo by Gian D on UnSplash
O que esperar da Moldávia de Maia Sandu
By: Cayan Luigi
Tags: Russia, Europa, União Europeia, Relacoes Internacionais, Politica

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Russia, a rogue terrorist state
By: Злой Одессит
Tags: Terror, Terrorism, Russia

Russia in 2020 has not steered away from its tradition of sowing chaos and violence around the world.

The year 2020 is coming to an end — the 7th year since the Russian Federation embarked on the path of a rogue state and stubbornly sticks to it, despite the heavy burden of economic and political sanctions. At the same time, not only did Russia pursued its destructive foreign and domestic policy to spite the rest of the world, it also turned its flaws and crimes the country’s main ideology, suggesting that people should for some reason be proud of it!

Over these seven years, Russia has retained its status of an occupying power, retaining control of the territories seized during the 2014 invasion of Ukraine, showing no interest in reaching settlement. Over these seven years, Russia has also significantly expanded the range of dictatorial regimes it supports politically, financially, as well as militarily.

In 2015, Russia officially eployed its troops to Syria to support the bloody dictator, Bashar al-Assad, who prior to that enjoyed support of Russian private military companies. After this test try in Syria, Moscow deployed mercenaries in Libya, CAR, Mozambique, and other countries. Russian thugs were also sent as far as Venezuela to back Nicolas Maduro’s regime.

Russia has become an assembly point for separatist movements and terrorist organizations. Separatist leaders and activist from all over the world hold regular meetings in Moscow, while Taliban terrorists are officially received at a high level.

But it’s not only political, financial and military support for bloody regimes, separatist movements and terrorist organizations that have become Russia’s distinctive and invariable feature.

Over the past years, including in 2020, Russian hackers who are part of special teams within intelligence agencies have gained worldwide notoriety: database hacking, election meddling, fake news spinning, and cybercrimes to fit any perverse taste.

Russian cyber terrorism now poses the same threat as Wagner PMC mercenaries or hitmen infiltrating the EU to assassinate dissenters upon Kremlin orders. And every year, the pattern remains unchanged: Skripals in Salisbury, Khangoshvili in Berlin, and Navalny in Russia. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of Russian security agencies’ involvement in contract killings.

Russia has not changed at all since the day it invaded Ukraine, but it hadn’t changed even before that. History of the past centuries shows that seeking global domination through terror and violence is Russia’s traditional way. And the only thing that could stop it in the endless cycle of sowing chaos around the globe is when it plunges into chaos, too.
Russia Has Announced Plans to Launch Its Own “Ya Molodets” App, Similar to China’s Tik Tok App — Daily Life Hacks
Tags: Daily Life, Ya Molodets, Russia, Tiktok App, Video Sharing

Russia has announced plans to create an app similar to China’s controversial Tik Tok video-sharing app. The company, which will be developed, is owned by Yekaterina Putina, daughter of Russian President Putin.

According to Russian media, the country’s leading company affiliated with Gazprom has announced the development of an app like Tik Tok. Gazprom is Russia’s largest energy company, operated by the Russian government. Earlier this month, Gazprom’s CEO also announced plans to design two apps, such as YouTube, which will be completed in the next two years.

Alexander Zharov, the group CEO of the company, said the video-sharing app would be designed in partnership with a foundation run by Russian President Putin’s daughter Katrina Tekhonov. According to Alexander Zuharov, his media company will design its own video-sharing app called “Ya Molodets” which will be similar to Tik Tok. A video service project for Russian bloggers will be designed as soon as possible. It is hoped that the project will be completed in the next two years.

Gazprom Group is one of Russia’s semi-official energy corporations. The company’s subsidiary in Russia’s largest media network, which includes several media channels and radio stations.
Ветреный 53 серия русская озвучка: Ирина Котова смотреть онлайн
Tags: Europe, Russia, World, News

in Eudaimonia and Co
Ветреный 53 серия русская озвучка: : смотреть онлайн турецкий сериал 2020
Tags: Europe, Russia, World, News

in Eudaimonia and Co
Зона Комфорта 7 серия смотреть онлайн: бесплатно сериал ТНТ 2020
Tags: Europe, Russia, World, News

in Eudaimonia and Co
Ветреный 53 серия на русском языке: озвучка Ирина Котова и субтитры
Tags: Europe, Russia, World, News

in Eudaimonia and Co
Green Energy could Destroy Russia’s GDP
By: Ryan Yang
Tags: Russia

External Affairs

The U.S Russia relationship has been a shaky one, especially with regards to foreign affairs. Russia has been in a sticky scenario with regards to how many missiles it can have, whether Ukraine is part of Russia, etc.

Policies regarding Armed Forces

Russia-Ukraine relationship

Internal Affairs

Furthermore, within Russia, religious discrimination, increased environmental pollution (through waste incineration), and silencing critics of the government have become widespread issues.

Religious Discrimination

Environmental Pollution

Lack of Free Speech

How the U.S can solve this

The U.S could just sit around and fiddle its thumbs while Putin implements these policies. However, this could lead to the rise of Russia as a global superpower and create a sphere of influence in the east, which isn’t something the U.S wants. Now, the U.S doesn’t have to use firepower or sacrifice citizens to solve this issue. In fact, the solution is quite simple and effective.

Encourage environmentally sustainable companies to transition the energy sector to completely be off fossil fuels for daily commute and common energy usage.

The U.S government could speed up this transition by implementing favorable laws supporting clean energy businesses through tax incentives. Capitalism will catch on, see the cheaper prices and transition quicker. Companies that come to mind are ones supporting the creation of electric vehicles, batteries to support the grid, and solar photovoltaic cells to capture energy.

Suppose these companies then expanded worldwide and sought to implement these clean solutions to emerging markets, such as Africa, Latin America, and India. Then these countries could generate renewable energy without having to rely on industrializing with fossil fuel. Furthermore, the U.S is extending it’s reach through companies and their services, establishing the U.S as a services and manufacturing powerhouse.

With Russia supplying ~11% of the World’s Oil per year, it will take a major hit. If it decides to offload most of its’ oil supply in fear of oil prices dropping, the supply is going to overtake demand, causing oil prices to fall. However, if Russia seeks to continually sell at the same pace, the oil demand may fall due to renewable energy and Russia may never be able to sell all of its’ oil. Thus, Russia’s GDP for exports will drop significantly.
Russian-Serbian provocation in the Balkans
By: Tony Williams
Tags: Lavrov, Bosnia, Russia

On December 14, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was paying an official visit to Bosnia and Herzegovina. However, a completely routine diplomatic trip ended in an international scandal!

During a meeting with one of the chairman of the Presidency of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Milorad Dodik, the Russian diplomat was presented with an icon of the 18th century. In doing so, it was separately emphasized that the icon had been brought from Luhansk, a city in eastern Ukraine, uncontrolled by the central government in Kyiv, but controlled by the pro-Russian quasi-republic Luhansk People’s Republic (considered by Kyiv a terrorist group). The incident with the icon predictably provoked a protest by the Ukrainian diplomats, who sent a protest note to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Bosnia and Herzegovina, so that they explained how the Ukrainian church relic ended up in the territory of their country. Interpol was engaged in the investigation of all the circumstances.

Having visited Belgrade (the capital of Serbia, which is the main Russian ally in the Balkans) during his Balkan tour, the deeply worried S.Lavrov immediately announced that he had returned the icon to his grantor until all the circumstances were clarified.

It should be noted that Milorad Dodik, who S.Lavrov met, is one of the three co-chairs of the Presidency of Bosnia and Herzegovina, namely the representative of the Republika Srpska, a territory inhabited by ethnic Serbs.

Representatives in the Presidency of the Bosniaks and Croats refused to meet with the Russian minister because of his ambiguous statements regarding the independence of BiH’s foreign policy. The latter said earlier that he supported the resolution adopted by the Parliament of the Republika Srpska in 2017, which refers to military neutrality and its unwillingness to join NATO or other military alliances.

Let us recall that in 1992 a war broke out in the country, in which the opposing sides actively resorted to the practice of ethnic cleansing. The conflict was ended in 1995 with the signing of the Dayton accords, according to which the territory of BiH was divided into the regions according to ethnicity, and the general administration is carried out by the previously mentioned Presidency. Recently, there have been increasing calls for the revision of these accords and the implementation of a full-fledged constitution in the country, which, according to a number of politicians, should help BiH to get closer to the EU.

While the Bosniaks and Croats generally support this scenario, the Serbs hold the opposite point of view. Milorad Dodik, since 2006, has been advocating for holding a referendum in his autonomous entity — the Republika Srpska — on the recognition of his independence.

This leads to the assumption that the situation with the Ukrainian icon, most likely stolen by Serbian mercenaries in eastern Ukraine (they are openly fighting for the pro-Russian “LPR”), was not an accident, but a well-planned information campaign on the part of Russia and its Serbian friends.

Source: democratic-europe
Importance Of a Travel Guide For Travelers — Moscow Voyager
Tags: Russia, Moscow, Traveling, Travel, Travel Writing

Many tourist guides in Moscow are available online but choosing the best one is a tough task. Private Tour guide Moscow makes a journey beautiful as they have complete knowledge as well as strong connections.

Click Here To know more : https://moscowvoyager.blogspot.com/2020/12/importance-of-travel-guide-for.html
Only the Official 9/11 Story is allowed
By: Jack Albrecht
Tags: Prison, Politics, America, Russia, China

If you were correct and engineers, physicists, materials scientists, etc. had been allowed to examine the wreckage at length, take samples, and do independent studies, as is normal after such disasters, there would be far fewer 9/11 conspiracy theories.

As it is, the US government severely restricted access, then started hauling away and destroying the forensic evidence within a very short amount of time, as well as silencing witnesses, erasing footage, deleting early news reports, etc.

The official report from NIST (National Institute of Standards and Technology) has huge mathematical and factual errors (as in how the buildings were built). When confronted with these errors, and in particular how no independent corroboration of the official collapse scenario is possible, the US government has said, “We can’t show you our evidence because of national security issues.” Does that sound familiar?

Architects and Engineers for 9/11 Truth (I’m a member) has been fighting and slowly winning the battle to get the real story behind what caused the collapse of three buildings with two planes. I certainly don’t claim to know what happened, but I’m 100% sure that the official story is wrong.
Преступление и разоблачение
By: Institute Of Modern Russia
Tags: Navalny, Poisoning, Putin, Russia, Investigation

The Institute of Modern Russia (IMR) is a nonpartisan US-based think-tank focused on policy analysis, research, and human rights.
Alexey Navalny is a secret agent of the Federal Security Service of Russia
Tags: Investigation, Alexey Navalny, Oppositionist, Russia

He deceived all Russians, penetrated the circles of the opposition and secretly destroyed it. The greatest agent of the Federal Security Service of Russia Alexey Navalny.

Circumstances that must be mentioned about Alexey Navalny.

1) His father Anatoly Navalny (as Wikipedia writes) is a military man, who works in Moscow;

2) The journalist of “Current Time” Timur Olevsky was fired for telling about the connection of Yulia Navalnaya’s father with the special services.

3) Russian state media such as “Russia 1”, Channel One, NTV, and also Vladimir Putin tell about Alexey Navalny that he is a foreign agent, works for the West etc. Don’t you think they are misleading the Russians? What if they deliberately create the image of Navalny as a foreign agent to cover up his work for the Federal Security Service? It seems to me that this is exactly what happens.

4) Navalny’s neighbor is an agent of Federal Security Service of Russia as Alexey told in the investigation, which was published on his Youtube channel. He spoke of him as his enemy. But what if this neighbor lives next to Navalny to cover and protect him?

5) Putin does not pronounce Navalny’s name. What if he does it on purpose so as not to pronounce the name of his colleague from the special services?

6) Since 2011, all opposition has mysteriously disappeared in Russia. There was nothing left of her. There are no rallies, and even if they are held, they are ineffectual, there are no alternatives in the elections, Putin is re-elected, the Constitution is changing, etc. Maybe this is all the merit of Navalny and without him the opposition would have achieved success long ago?

7) “To defeat evil, I must become a greater evil” wisdom says. What if this is the case: in order to defeat the opposition of Russia, the Federal Security Service need to send their own person into it, who will destroy everything there?

8) What if the agents of the Federal Security Service of Russia flew for years to the cities Navalny flew to, because they covered him and carried out their assignments, etc?

Why should the Federal Security Service agents chase Navalny in different cities for 3.5 years when his neighbor, according to Alexey says, is an agent? He could have just poisoned Navalny in his own house.

Without a doubt, Alexey Navalny is an agent of the Federal Security Service of Russia who specializes in secretly infiltrating the opposition and destroying it from inside.