How I found peace in being single
By: Jemimah Moradike Ishaya
Tags: Peace, Peacebuilding, Single Life, Soulmates, Abuse

Are you happy?

Do you think you find happiness in yourself?

Do you love yourself?

I feel like that questions like this are not asked often when a person is single instead its questions like:

Don’t you know how old you are?

Do you know that all your friends are married?

Don’t you feel like you are unaccomplished?

When did it become a shameless thing to be single, consciously I get that look of feeling sorry when I tell people I am single like I feel sad or angry because I am not. I choose to be single and if I didn’t why do you feel sorry. It’s simple, people feel like falling in love starting a relationship, getting married and multiplying is an accomplishment, even in 2020. It’s one of the absurd things that happened back then that still happens till now.

Continuously I felt so angry and not in peace with myself for been single because it’s my fault. The thing I didn’t realize is that I could be so happy been so alone and that’s my biggest flex this year. people got married, got cars , houses and so on as a great flex in 2020 but my greatest flex this year was that I never once felt lonely or alone relating to been in a relationship. You never realize how great of an achievement it is until you hear the amount of people that are just in a relationship so they won’t be alone and not for just loving that person or for the support that person gives. it shows how our society projects that been in a relationship makes you feel less lonely, it does but why just be single and alone happily without hurting anyone in the process.

All this talk takes me to how I became in peace in being single. I will first start with if you actually don’t mind been being a relationship because you are lonely I advise you to click to the next story because you feel like you wasted your time reading this story when all that is in your mind is still being in that mindset. And for anyone here to find peace take a seat comfortable looking at you highly brighter phone or laptop screen preparing to be in a rollercoaster of feeling I went through for 11 months but you are only going to go through for 5 minutes in reading this.

I wasn’t like this, you know happy not really caring if I met the one, and this is because I healed. I actually met my soul mate last year or what we call a soul mate, someone who completes you, sees right through you, knows when you are sad or in pain, we were perfect for each other, but our circumstances were not. They say your soul mate is someone you were deeply in love with in your past life and could not be with, and the face you have now is the person you loved very deeply. Whatever it is, it had a connection to your past life and I met him. After I realized we couldn’t be together I guess to say I have been floating with the rest of the humanly bodies that roam the earth in the defense that when I have the courage to go for him I will break away from whatever spell I put on myself. After I decided I couldn’t be with him I started dating anyone that I got incrusted in and I dated one of his friends actually, he was one of the best guys I have ever dated, was I still in love with his friend? Hell no, I wasn’t even in love with him in the first place or so I think because it didn’t hurt so much like how it did when I broke up with his friend. I went through so much after dating his friend, I felt like it was all my fault we ended and I was. But I guess that was not all because I wasn’t so hurt to get into another relationship.

I started dating this new guy and I thought he was the one, he was supper supportive, he knew what he wanted and he was just so perfect, it wasn’t even up to 2 months I started seeing the red flags. There is a difference between a flaw and a red flag. And at then I saw it as a flaw and a red flag. He was the most misogynistic person I have ever met, he would disregard people that were not to his liking and he always joked about how I was getting fat from eating and sleeping too much. He was emotionally abusive and he just didn’t believe there was something like being emotionally abused. I continued for almost 4 months because I felt it was better being in this toxic mess of a relationship where I continued to be emotionally abused and brought down than be alone in my room, single. I was on social media one day when I saw this lady crying out of been in a relationship where she was abused constantly by her husband and I don’t know why I went to the comment sections but I did and was reefing the comments and I got to one where she said “you see red flags like this where he is emotionally touting and abusing her but she thinks it won’t get worse”. that was me, I couldn’t stop the tears that if we got married I could end up been like that, years and years of perching of not being in an abusive relationship I was in one and I continued to take it from all angle like I didn’t know who I was. We broke up that day, that night. I blocked him everywhere and we have not talked till this date.

After that for days, weeks, months I was still sad and unhappy, not because I missed him but because I thought I needed to be in a relationship to happy. I cried nights alone when I saw people happy and I will say why me and just like one day I told myself I wanted to be happy. but I t didn’t just come so sudden, I wanted to heal and I knew I won’t heal being stuck in bed and to continue to let my depression get the best of me. I told this to myself gore three weeks straight till I finally had the courage to go out on my own. I went to the spa with no friends, just me and me alone, loving myself. I knew the way to feel happy alone was to doing the things I loved by myself without asking people if the anted to go to not feel lonely. Little by little I felt this rush just loving myself and continue to wake up knowing my odds of going back to that unhealthy schedule was probably not soon.

So what my greatest advice on how to enjoy being single? Simple, love yourself from the moon back, I am not saying to love someone you have to love yourself first, no Aim not. Aim saying all the things you loved doing with someone in a relationship, find alternatives, find your happiness in something else than destroying yourself to build someone else and if you still feel you can’t be happy single then why not try a relationship.