What If You’re Wrong? — FreedomCoaching
By: Ashley Grandchamp
Tags: Life Coach, Enneagram, What If, Freedom, Questions

You know, today I couldn’t stop thinking about something. I’m not sure how many people will resonate with this, but surely I am not alone. For the last ten months we have been told that being out and about without a mask is BAD. We have been told time and time again to wear a mask, stay home, avoid groups of varying sizes. Today on my way to work I thought about how okay I have become with my mask. I enjoy having it on (call me crazy, I know). It feels safe. Being home feels safe. Anytime I have been out and see people without masks I can’t help but think they are “bad” or “unsafe”. When I walk into situations with more than 4–5 people standing around I become anxious and have to walk away. All of this concern, all of these measures, while totally valid given the state of our world, came to be because someone told me what was “good” and what was “bad”. So then I wonder, how many other things in my life do I believe to be “bad” simply because someone else put that label on it?

Race, religion, candy for breakfast, Christmas trees up all year long, walking against the flow of traffic, not being stick thin, having a cat, having a dog…all of these things can be labeled “good” or “bad” depending on who you are talking to. When I was young, I was led to believe that people outside of my religion were “unsaved” which I assumed meant “bad”. This could have been because as a child it is easier to put hard topics into black and white rather grey, but as I have gotten older I am confident in my knowledge of the fact that people who don’t believe what I believe are still loved, valued, and worthy. I can be fully committed to my faith and beliefs while you are fully committed to believing I am wrong and we will still be able to find some common ground. I can disagree with someone down to the core of who I am and still respect them and their opinions.

You can’t be inherently bad because of something you believe, say, or do. Isn’t this what we are trying to teach our children? When they make a mistake we don’t tell them they are bad, we tell them that they made the wrong decision. When I lie or I am unkind with my words to someone I don’t want to then be labeled “bad” forever. I want grace. You want grace. We all need grace.

Race has been a hard topic this year. Really, any year, but especially in 2020. As a white middle class woman who was raised by white parents I know that I am privileged. I know that I have been afforded better opportunities because of the color of my skin and that is HARD. It’s hard to sit with. It feels heavy. Undoing the years of beliefs about what is “bad” and “good” is a long process. One that may never be completed this side of Heaven. But hear me when I say it is necessary. Reading books, listening to understand instead of becoming defensive, putting yourself in situations where you can learn from those who don’t look like you…those are small ways that you can challenge the label of “bad” instead of continuing to go with the status quo. These are steps I am taking and waters that I am trudging through. It isn’t easy, but easy doesn’t produce growth.

What if instead of labeling “good” vs. “bad” our posture became more curious? What if we allow for the possibility of us being wrong? Maybe you were taught that keeping your Christmas lights up all year long is bad, but it is something that brings you immense joy…would you take them down or challenge the label? What if your family is completely against cats, but you rescued one from the side of the road and have fallen in love? Would you find it another home because cat lovers are “bad” or would you challenge the label? Three years from now (hoping and praying here) this pandemic will be a thing of the past. Life will return to some degree of normal because of medication and teamwork and we will no longer be required to wear masks out and about. We will be able to be in groups of more than ten people once again and we will be free to experience concerts, weddings, speaking engagements, etc. At that point, masks will no longer be considered “good” while no masks are considered “bad”. But what if I continue to wear mine? What if I become so comfortable with my mask and the label that goes along with it, that when I have the opportunity to take it off, I don’t? Will it be the end of the world? No, of course not. I would probably be given some silly looks but it doesn’t harm anyone, so I’m sure it wouldn’t matter. But how would it change the way that I view others? Will I stay away from groups because I was once told they were bad? Will I remain 6 ft apart from the people I love because once upon a pandemic that is what was necessary? Will I assume that anyone who isn’t still wearing their mask is “bad”? You see, we don’t always notice it when our surroundings dictate our beliefs, but they do. You don’t always recognize the influx in diet commercials or gym memberships. No, you just start to believe that you are fat or not fit enough and therefore need to change. We don’t always recognize our singleness as “bad” until we are with family over the holidays and everyone is pointing it out, or we look on social media and everyone has someone but us. We don’t see our singleness as “bad” until we start believing that we are less than, unloveable, broken without a signifiant other.

Friends, our surroundings dictate our beliefs. The things your parents taught you, the things their parents taught them, the media you consume and people you allow to speak into your life…they all have the power and the ability to dictate your beliefs. Today, as I drive home from work and take in the events of the day I can’t help but wonder What If I’m Wrong? I challenge you in the next several days to take notice of areas in your life where you have always believed and never questioned a certain idea or mindset. Enter into that space without shame and without defenses and ask yourself “what if I’m wrong about this?”. Questions lead to observations/awareness and that will yield its way to growth. I know we can do it. I know we will be better for it. Take inventory of who holds influence over your beliefs. Question the status quo. Allow the possibility for things to be so much more complex than the simple labels of “good” and “bad”. Accept that being wrong is a good place to start while you move towards becoming the very best version of yourself.