Is Your Quarantine Self-Care Oriented Outward or Inward?
By: Shaunta Grimes
Tags: Self, Mental Health, Health, Life, Covid 19

My Facebook feed these days seems evenly split between two types of people.

The people who are all like: I’m spending this quarantine leveling up my life.

And the people side-eye those people and have one word for them: Nope.

I’ve never gone through anything like what we’re all going through now. I started to say ‘like pretty much everyone else alive,’ but of course that’s not true. I’m an extraordinarily privileged American who has lived with deep American-level poverty, but there are millions of human beings who suffer more than I can even fully imagine.

But, as an American, I have gone through the same really scary, collectively traumatic times that all Americans have gone through in twenty-first century.

Namely: 9/11 and the 2009 recession. So, I know a few things about myself and how I deal with crisis and trauma. I’ve got this theory brewing that the way we all cope is similar to being introverted or extraverted.

In other words, one way is not better than the other.

It’s all about what we need the most in the moment.

Let’s call the ‘leveling up’ folks Outward oriented. If you’re oriented Outward, you cope with trauma by looking around and seeing what you can do to get the hell out of the situation you’re in. How can you make this shit better?

If you’re extremely Outward oriented, you go beyond yourself and are constantly on the lookout for how you can make this shit better for everyone around you. This is where you wind up with people who, in the midst of crisis, create programs to make sure that elderly people have what they need or nurses who volunteer to go into the breech.

And we’ll call the ‘nope’ folks Inward oriented. If you’re oriented Inward, you cope with trauma by curling into your self in a protective way. It’s all you can do, maybe, to remember to follow basic convention rules: three hours of sleep, two meals, and one shower every day.

Or maybe the sleep part isn’t a problem, because your body is suddenly right on board with catching up with every hour of sleep you’ve ever lost — and you find yourself sleeping twelve hours a day.

You’re making this shit better by intensely protecting yourself and your immediate loved ones.

I’m Outward oriented. When shit gets hard — when the world (or just my world) starts falling apart — my brain goes into overdrive and I get all the ideas. All of them, all at once.

I’m not joking. Every idea. They bombard me.

Which is why in the last month I’ve:

Pitched two non-fiction books, one to a publisher and one to my agent (who loved it, so now I’m writing a proposal.)

Started a new, complicated, intense tract for Ninja Writers that in calmer times might have taken me a year to ramp up.

Hired a new member to the Ninja Writer team.

Started planning a virtual writers conference (at least I managed to force myself to aim for summer for this and now RIGHT NOW.)

Had coaching discovery calls with a dozen people.

Completely decluttered my closet.

Focusing inward when I’m in the midst of a crisis makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. I can not curl up in my comfy clothes and binge watch Outlander. I have to do something. Work is my self-care.

Interestingly, I don’t thing the Outward/Inward orientation idea is tied to Introverted/Extraverted.

In other words, I don’t think that people who are Outward oriented are necessarily extraverted, or those who are Inward oriented are always introverted.

I know clearly extraverted people who are genuinely angry at Outward oriented people who are advocating for productivity during this time of quarantine. And I know introverted people who find themselves waking up in the morning bursting with ideas, ready to implement them right now.

I’m personally an ambivert who tends toward introversion. I can be in groups and enjoy myself, but eventually I need some time alone to recharge. And I am strongly, strongly Outward oriented.

So — bottom line. If you’re Outward oriented, you’ll find yourself responding to social distancing with a nearly desperate need to do something. Go ahead and do it. Why not? Start something new. Learn something. Level up your life for the sake of your sanity. This is your self care.

And if you’re Inward oriented, you’ll find yourself responding to social distancing with a strong need to curl up into yourself. Your self care will look like getting enough sleep, eating good food, reading books (or watching Netflix — whatever entertainment feeds your soul.) And all of that is okay. Do it, if it’s keeping you sane right now.

Both are valid self-care strategies.