Boys Can Control Themselves — I’ve Encountered Some that Prove This
By: Autoimmune Feminist
Tags: Teenagers, First Love, Sex, Gentleman, Sexuality

My first consensual sexual experience with another person was on a cruise ship when I was 14 years old.

I met him in the “teen room” after singing a truly terrible karaoke version of “Show me the Meaning” from NSYNC. Or the Backstreet Boys? They were the same to me at the time. Still are I suppose. I was currently growing out a pixie cut hairstyle and had just started wearing makeup that year which meant I was wearing far too much. Right when I sat back down to slim applause and was not feeling too great about myself because I knew the song was too low for my range, a tall handsome blonde with braces came over and sat next to me, smiling.

We talked for hours into the night. He was a young 16, had done a little theater, (which I had just started the year before), was on his school’s debate team, and had a clever sense of humor.

The next day when my family went onto the shore where the ship had docked, I stayed behind so I could sleep in and then meet up with the boy. I think he ended up knocking on my room door to find me, and we spent the day together. We played ping pong, went in the hot tub okayed for teens, met up with a couple other gals we met in the teen room, and then when we were alone again he asked me if he could kiss me. He was a perfect gentleman. It was just a little peck. I was elated. We eventually ended up at the top level of the ship, sitting on the lawn chairs and looking out over the bow. We started making out. I may have used a bit too much teeth at first but he was a lovely teacher. Things started to get heavy and we made our way back to his room. We both ended up with our shirts off, my bra still on, and when he went to unclasp it everything I was currently being told about sex and sexuality came to mind.

First I knew I didn’t want to get pregnant. Second, the youth groups and Sunday schools I was involved in drilled the myth of virginity and chastity and although I never fully bought into it, it was still taking up space in my mind. Third, I wasn’t ready. (Funnily enough the thought of STIs never even entered my mind. I wish in all the fear that had been instilled in me I had at least been made aware that STIs were a thing that could happen — and that they were not necessarily a big deal.) I was horny as fuck and we were grinding like crazy, but when the boy reached around to take off my bra, I said no.

He stopped.

He asked me if I was waiting until wedlock and I said I didn’t know — maybe? He asked me if I wasn’t up to any other things. I said no.

He said OK.

We continued to make out. No romantic moment was ruined. We still grinded with our clothes on. We were still horny teenagers. The only reason we stopped was because his brother came by the room some time later.

After the cruise we emailed a couple times a week and talked on the phone every Friday night after 9PM for an hour (when phone calls were free on my parent’s cell phone.) We called each other boyfriend/girlfriend and he told me that he was asked to his junior prom by a girl at his school but he said no because he only wanted to go with me. He lived a couple states away. We planned to meet up that summer when he came to visit his grandparents for a couple weeks somewhere relatively close to where I lived, but it didn’t happen. We never talked again.

I tried to find him on social media a few years ago. I wanted to tell him thank you. Thank you for being a decent human being and for treating me like a human being with bodily autonomy. Thank you for not only stopping when I said no, but for not trying to talk me into something I already said I didn’t want to do. I didn’t give you an exact reason why I didn’t want to go further than we did, but you didn’t lord that over me. You are one of the very few men I have encountered in a sexual manner that did this.

I wasn’t able to find him. Maybe some day he will read this and know how much I appreciate him being my first.