What Does Your Top Bun Say About You?
By: Kyrie Gray
Tags: Satire, Psychology, Beauty, Culture, Humor

What Does Your Top Bun Say About You?

The psychology behind our hairstyle attempts

The Acorn

Images by author

You want what you can’t have. In this case a top bun. But in life, you perhaps reach for a goal that is beyond your skill level, getting slightly frustrated when the results you imagined don’t materialize. Though luckily you are optimistic. While trying something new you say to yourself, “I can make this work.” Keep that can-do spirit, as it will help you throughout your days as you wait for your skills and hair to grow.

The Schoolmarm

Controlling? You? Yes. Your tight top bun is so painful that it pulls up your eyebrows and almost brings tears to your eyes. Yet you don’t want to waste time keeping a loose bun from falling, so you’ve gone to the other end of the spectrum and created an impenetrable ball of hair. In life, this manifests as someone who likes to make lists, download productivity apps, and avoid activities that make them feel dumber. There is no shame in this bun or the person, but learn to let loose every so often, so you don’t bring pain to others with your rigidity.

The Leaning Bun of OH-NO-za

You are the one whose bun forever tilts to one side or the other. Nevertheless, you keep trying, fixing the hair when it gets to the point where you feel ridiculous. That’s you in a nutshell. When at first you don’t succeed you try again. Yet a shroud of melancholy consumes you. You never learn how to do it better, learn the lesson of not tying a knot right there. You simply assume you have bad luck and others are simply born with the skill. Try to avoid this mindset and make small improvements to your habits. Whether that means getting up 10 minutes earlier each day or inserting bobby pins where you have not before, doing new things will make you feel better in the long run.

The Unicorn

Somehow you’ve managed to make a very long, narrow bun. It’s certainly very eye-catching, but it isn’t what you meant to do. The reason for this is because you took the quick route and just twisted it up and called it a day. That’s so you. But heed my words, your penchant for shortcuts does not garner the results you desire. The only way you will achieve your dreams is by doing the slow, sometimes painfully boring, task of learning. Like top bun construction or art. Rome (and buns) weren’t built in a day!

The Bird’s Nest

You’re a worrier and your top bun shows it. Throughout the day you keep poking at and messing with the bun until it resembles a very messy lark’s nest. During your non-bun activities, your mind drifts to the past, replaying old hurts and humiliations, letting your anger take hold. Let it go. Seriously, let go of that strand you’re tugging at right now! But also let go of your habit of looking backward. The road to perfect buns and your beautiful future lie ahead, not behind you. Tomorrow is always another day to do better. Now let’s just undo that bun for today.

The Pancake

The pancake bun signals to the world that its wearer is not someone to mess with. You’ll flatten your enemies like you flatten your hair, and not care. You recognize that your hair will simply become a ponytail eventually, so you continue on as if it’s what you meant to happen. Confident and outspoken, you laugh at life’s little mistakes, like hair-follies. Even if you never achieve the perfect top bun, know that others are jealous of you for your ability to go with the flow and never stop hustling.

The Magic Act

Shy and accommodating, your hair hides from the world, as you do. Instead of telling the world of your accomplishments, you prefer to promote your friends and those you admire. This is not a bad thing, but it can damage you in long run. Start to find the courage to bring attention to yourself and your hair, because you deserve it as much as those you love.

The Perfect Top Bun

You’re a social media influencer who makes $100,000 a year in a passive income through your online courses teaching others to create photogenic top buns. Go you! I don’t know your personality but you don’t need one, not when you have a perfect top bun.