Bargain or Brainteaser?! France’s Version of Mastermind is the annual Christmas Sales
By: Zoë Smith
Tags: France, Shopping In Paris, Paris, French Life, Christmas In France

It’s time for France’s annual Soldes… but don’t forget your calculator! Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In the UK, the annual Black Friday or Christmas sales play out like a cross between Supermarket Sweep and a Roman gladiatorial combat. Shoppers queue for hours outside popular stores, swarming the rails as soon as the doors open to snap up last season’s must-haves at rock-bottom prices. Credit cards are maxed out, elbows become weapons with which to ‘accidently’ boot other shoppers that dare venture towards those shoes you had your eye on, police and paramedics have even been called out to handle the masses. It is pandemonium.

In France, as you might imagine, things are a little bit more restrained. The French might have stormed the Bastille with torches blazing, but they will most certainly not be trampling each other for a Hermés handbag at Les Galeries Lafayette.

Partly this is because the French are far too refined for such shenanigans, but it’s also because even if they were to stampede the malls and hunt down the sales section, they would still find themselves hunched over the clothing racks with a calculator and a puzzled expression like the rest of us.

You see, the French sales shopping experience isn’t quite the same as back in the UK.

Like most things in France, if you would like to reap the rewards of a discount or promotion, you must be prepared to put in time, effort, and a good handful of curse words. And never is this more apparent than at the annual “Soldes”.

You’ll spot the red sales signs in the shop windows and — being British — you’ll feel your pulse racing and your eyes transforming into bulging red emoji hearts as you take in their lofty promises — 10%, 20%, 70% off!!

“Bonjour !” the shop assistant will call out as you enter. “Can I help you?”

Being British and, as such, completely unaccustomed to shop assistants approaching you, you’ll quickly shut them down with a polite “No, we’re fine, thank you.” Which will be your first mistake. You are going to need help, you just don’t know it yet.

You’ll locate the sales section, which will inevitably be hidden away in some dimly lit corner, far away from the store entrance. Rummaging through, you’ll stumble upon the perfect jacket — and it’s your size! You’ll hunt excitedly for the price tag, expecting the new, reduced price to announce itself with a little red sticker, or perhaps even a hastily hand-scrawled number… instead you’ll be greeted with a mysterious little colour coded sticker.

Which is where the fun begins.

You’ll walk back to the front of the shop, where you’ll find — if you look hard enough — a color-coded board announcing 6+ different possible percentages. For some reason, no-one has thought of placing a duplicate board within actual view of the sales section (note to self: take a photo of it when you walk in next time).

Check the price tag, then the board, then the price tag again. Now attempt to work out what 30% of 79.99€ is in your head, all the time knowing that you are going to have to get your calculator out, but resisting it as long as possible because you know that 30% is just 20% plus 10%, both of which should be easy to work out, but… hang on, how do you calculate percentages again?

…Ooh, look at that blouse!

Give in and get your phone out to use the calculator.

Right, so that’s 35% off your 79.99€ jacket and 15% off your 64.99€ blouse, although the latter has already been reduced to 54.99€ on the tag, so you better check with the sales assistant — yeah the one you dismissed earlier and now where is she when you need her?! Is it 20% off the marked price or the original?

She informs you there’s also a further 10% off the cheapest item if you buy two items. Oooh!

She walks off. But, wait! Is that the cheapest item before or after the initial reductions? Does it even matter?

More questions fill your brain. Does 35% off + 10% off = 45%? Or should it be (35% off) + 10% off? How do you type brackets into the calculator???!!!

Finally you give up and accept that you will be saving something and that still counts as a win. You make your way to the checkout, where the sales assistant asks if you: “want to open a sales card and save a further 10% now…”

“…but only on full-price items or items that have been reduced by up to 20%”

By now, your brain is swirling with numbers and your anxiety is mounting. You can feel beads of sweat forming around your temples as if your brain is transpiring from the A-level maths test you just performed.

“I don’t care,” you reply miserably, wondering when sales shopping became so stressful and is it lunchtime yet?, because you need a break. All you can think about is handing over your card, crossing your fingers that it’s less than €100 because you never did figure out the answer, and getting as far away from the shopping mall as possible.

And you realise now why the French sales only happen twice a year. It’s not to build up the anticipation or to protect shoppers from the cunning tricks of capitalism…

It’s so you forget.

Because once the spring sales swing around and you’re walking through the centre-ville and spot those cheery red “Soldes” signs, your British soul will fire up and those little heart emojis will dance around in your eyes again. “Oooh, sales!” you will think and in you will head, forgetting to take a photo of the color-coded sticker board, and breezily brushing off the sales assistant’s offer of help as you cruise over to the dark corner of sales racks, giddy with excitement.

By the time you remember, it will already be too late.

What was 35% of 79.99€ again, damnit…?!