The Power of Denial
By: Wendell Rylander
Tags: Denial, Stress Management, Stress Relief

Sometimes denial is the only way to make it through the day.

Image by Cheryl Holt from Pixabay

Any given day there are myriad things to be worried about:

Coronavirus epidemic

US Presidential election challenges

Rising unemployment

Racism

Global warming

Economic uncertainty

And that is just for those of us that are doing reasonably well. For those that are struggling, the number of worries is much greater:

How to deal with a sich child with no medical insurance?

How to feed their children when the money runs out before pay day?

How to pay the rent when their employer loses her business?

How to protect their family from the rioting going on outside?

It can all be overwhelmingly stressful.

People are talking and writing about how denial contributes to particular problems. And there is some truth to that. However, if you are drowning in bills, if your children are hungry, if your family is in danger, that doesn’t really matter. What matters is getting through the day.

Denial is a useful tool for getting through another crappy day.

You can take the high road and admit that yes there are problems and that something has to be done about them. But what does that get you? Added stress! Lots of added stress. To borrow a common phrase: “When you are up to ass in alligators it is sometimes hard to remember that the initial objective was to drain the swamp.” When you are inundated with problems, other people’s problems, especially ones that are not right here and right now, just can’t be that important. They simply add to your stress load and reduce your ability to deal with what is right in front of you.

Yes, it is wrong that people experience racism. However, if you need to figure out how to feed my children, for today, racism doesn’t exist.

Yes, it is wrong that some politicians are trying to overturn legitimate election results. However, if you need to deal with the fact that the power has been turned off and it is the middle of winter, for today, the election doesn’t exist.

Yes, it is horrible that every day over half a million people are coming down with the coronavirus and more than 10,000 a day are dying. However, if you’re about to be evicted and have no idea where your family is going to sleep tonight, for today, the pandemic doesn’t exist.

One can say that by denying these things you are living in a fantasy. And there is truth to that. However, sometimes embracing a fantasy is the only way to get through the chaos of a day. You only have so much energy to deal with your problems so, for today, you have none to spare for anyone else’s problem.

When we were young and powerless many of us survived through the power of denial. Denial of abuse. Denial of neglect. Denial of a lack of love. Denial of loneliness. We created fantasies that helped us get through the day. Whether it was an imaginary friend, a Teddy bear that was always there for us, or simply disassociation from the pain of living through another day in our toxic family, we used denial to survive. And survive we did.

As adults we have similar struggles but are often shamed for not being “tough enough to handle it.” If it takes a fantasy view of the universe to survive another day, then that is what you should do.

So, yes, people can level accusations of denying climate change, the pandemic, racism, science, or anything else you want. If denial will help you and your family to survive another day, then embrace your denial.