It’s OK If You & Your Partner Haven’t Had Sex Lately
By: Michelle Brown
Tags: Relationships, Marriage, Love, Sex, Life

It’s OK If You & Your Partner Haven’t Had Sex Lately

Here’s why.

‘Peaks and Valleys.’ Source: Unsplash

Let’s visit this scenario. You and your partner haven’t had sex in a while. One or both of you are probably pretty sexually frustrated. You wonder when you’re EVER going to have sex again.

But life keeps getting in the way. Responsibilities keep getting in the way. Kids keep getting in the way. Stress keeps getting in the way. Exhaustion keeps getting in the way.

We are all inundated with problems, chores, jobs, caregiving duties, screens, anxiety, and also some serious depression these days. The society we live in right now can be immensely draining — mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Quite often, much more than we even consciously realize.

Our relationships often succumb to the persistent vampire of life and existence which hunts us down to secrete our lifeblood, our vital energy, and also our precious libidos.

So what happens when you and your partner haven’t had sex for many days, weeks, or even months?

Is the relationship over? Is the love gone? Does it mean you should break up?

Maybe some relationships couldn't withstand this kind of dry spell in the sex department and that’s certainly understandable. Sex is important to a lot of people and not being sexually fulfilled within a relationship is a huge deal to many people.

That said, we also need to remember that people are not machines. If there is genuine love and care within a relationship and the intention is there to be intimate with one another but you simply can’t find a good moment or when you do find one you’re just too damn tired — don’t panic.

You may have heard the expression about ‘peaks and valleys’ within long-term relationships. Well, as it turns out that’s a pretty accurate description — especially with sex. After being with a partner for a certain length of time, you begin to realize it.

Sex in a long-term relationship can’t be a hot potato all the time. Sometimes it sits simmering in the pot for a while and sometimes it’s just plain cold to the touch.

There are definitely sexless marriages and sexless long-term relationships that have real issues and problems which may not be repairable — of that there is no doubt.

However, a sexual dry spell in a relationship that has spanned many, many years and is otherwise mutually healthy and loving isn’t worth throwing the baby out with the bathwater over.

My partner and I have gone through weeks where we just fall asleep as soon as we get to bed. Days seem to blend into one another. It starts to feel like we’re never going to have sex. EVER.

That’s a valley.

Then, just like that we’ll hit a peak of sexual interest in one another again and have a few great sex days a week. Success!

After years of being together, we’ve begun to understand and recognize that our relationship often has to stand the test of time and go with the flow — even during the boring bits.

My partner and I have a solid love and attraction for one another. But sometimes, we’re just too busy, distracted, and tired. That’s the inconvenient reality.

Do we try and step up the effort when we know we’re lagging in the sex department? YES. Do we always succeed with that effort? Nope.

But it’s OK.

The point is that my partner and I are well aware that a sexual dry spell doesn’t mean it’s the end of our relationship. It’s simply one of the stops on our long journey together.

Sometimes we hang out at those mundane, dry stops longer than we want to or should but — eventually — we always get back on that train — together.

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