Domestic Abuse: The Christmas Gift That Keeps on Giving
By: Tracey Ramsden
Tags: Domestic Violence, Male Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Domestic Abuse

Image credit: Womens Aid Federation Northern Ireland

‘It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid’ (Genius, 2020)

As we look forward to celebrating the season of goodwill, we think that everyone else is doing the same. But for some there is no cause for celebration. For them Christmas, like every other day, is a time to be afraid.

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Domestic abuse is a term familiar to us, one which is defined as ‘any incident of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members, regardless of their gender or sexuality.’ (CPS, 2017).

In the year ending March 2019 ‘an estimated 7.5% of women (1.6 million) and 3.8% of men (786,000) experienced domestic abuse.’ (ONS, 2019)

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Despite its generic title, domestic abuse can take a number of forms: physical, emotional, psychological, economical and sexual. Each has its own characteristics but all share a single intent.

Domestic abuse is most closely associated, by many people, with physical violence. Statistics show that ‘in the year to March 2019, ‘almost half (48%) of adult female homicide victims were killed in a domestic homicide.’ (ONS, 2020) While it is true that physical violence is common and widespread, it is only one of a number of types of domestic abuse.

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Emotional and psychological manipulation are possibly the most covert forms of domestic abuse. Both are good examples of how ‘repeated, random and habitual use of intimidation’(Refuge, 2020) can systematically deconstruct a victim’s personality. Controlling behaviour, name calling and ‘putting down’ are just some of the many methods used by perpetrators to chip away at self-esteem until, over time, victims come to perceive themselves as worthless.

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Abusive control can also encompass financial, or economic, aspects of a victim’s life. Abusers often focus on ‘controlling a person’s ability to acquire, use and maintain their own money and resources’ (Refuge, 2020), rendering them with no means of self-sufficiency. Alienated, unable to access their own finances and forbidden to work, victims become increasingly dependent on their abuser. And less able to fight back.

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Sexual abuse incorporates both physical and psychological aspects. Defined as ‘any form of sexual activity (involving physical contact, words, or photographs) that takes place without the other person’s full and informed consent’ (Refuge, 2020), it includes rape, sexual assault and sexual exploitation. Recent statistics reveal that ‘approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence’ (Refuge, 2020), clearly indicating the significance of familiarity and control in these crimes. Sexual abuse can also include intentionally withholding contraception from victims, and forcing them into degrading sexual practices.

In all cases of sexual abuse, the issue of ‘consent’ is extremely relevant, due to the frequent assumption that by entering into a marriage or partnership ‘consent’ is automatically given. It is not. Additionally, prior sexual consent does not constitute current consent.

In modern society, the historic idea that ‘rape laws did not protect wives from marital rape because husbands retained the right to control their property’ (Science Direct, 2000) is shocking but remains relevant in cases where abusers endeavour to justify sexual abuse as their ‘marital right’. Fortunately the laws surrounding rape have now moved on.

But what about the rights of the victim?

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Domestic abuse can happen to anyone.

Anyone that is ‘forced to alter their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner’s reaction is being abused.’ (Refuge, 2020)

Anyone can become a victim.

Victims of domestic abuse often deny they are being abused. Many think it is their fault, have low self-esteem, or choose to excuse the behaviour of their partners. Ashamed, frightened and powerless, they become dependent on their abusers.

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Research has shown that though domestic abuse generally starts with a single event, it rarely ends at that. Despite the claim it will never happen again, ‘typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time’ (Mayo Clinic, 2020). Statistics also show that domestic abuse is ‘overwhelmingly perpetrated by men against women.’ (Refuge, 2020) But that doesn’t make it gender exclusive. Men can be victims too, though they are more reluctant to admit it and ‘can increasingly feel a sense of shame and embarrassment about the abuse, (and) refuse to seek help for the issue, afraid that speaking out will bring them ridicule.’ (lwa, 2020)

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Recent coverage of the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard domestic abuse libel case has highlighted the issues of domestic abuse faced by men. In the case of Depp and Heard, despite litigations on both sides, news coverage suggested that Heard was in fact the perpetrator of abuse and Depp the victim (Daily Mail, 2020). If this were to be true, it would raise questions about our perceptions of domestic abuse as a crime against women, while helping address and alleviate the stigma surrounding the domestic abuse of men.

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Irrespective of gender, many domestic abuse victims are currently approaching the festive season with fear and trepidation, aware that ‘over Christmas, the consumption of alcohol can increase the severity and frequency of instances of domestic abuse.’ (Cranstoun, 2019)

The assignation that domestic abuse has ‘more repeat victims than any other crime’ (lwa, 2020) does little to calm their fears. Neither does the knowledge that on average 35 assaults are committed before the victim calls the police.

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‘If I hadn’t spent Christmas in a refuge, I’d be dead’. (BBC, 2019)

So as you look forward to the season of goodwill, bear in mind those that will not be doing the same. Not everyone will be celebrating. Because for some Christmas is a time to be afraid.

A fear for life, and not just for Christmas.

Image credit: Refuge

Reference List

BBC. 2019 Christmas in a women’s refuge: ‘If I hadn’t spent Christmas in a refuge, I’d be dead’ [online] Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/25f27570-91ac-44d3-9e17-0602de85c9e2 [Accessed 18/11/20]

BBC. 2020 Johnny Depp and Amber Heard: She was ‘the abuser’, says Depp’s ex-PA [online] Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-53393254 [Accessed 19/11/20]

Cranstoun. 2019 Domestic Abuse Doesn’t Stop for Christmas [online] Available at: https://www.cranstoun.org/domestic-abuse-doesnt-stop-for-christmas/ [Accessed 18/11/20]

Daily Mail. 2020 Amber Heard’s ex-assistant claims the actress routinely abused her during magic mushroom, MDMA and wine binges — while Johnny Depp was ‘calm’, ‘thoughtful’ and NEVER used violence [online] Available at: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8100091/Amber-Heards-ex-assistant-claims-actress-routinely-abused-her.html [Accessed 19/11/20]

Genius. 2020 Do They Know It’s Christmas? [online] Available at: https://genius.com/Band-aid-do-they-know-its-christmas-lyrics [Accessed 19/11/20]

Living Without Abuse. 2020 Statistics [online] Available at: https://www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics.htm [Accessed 19/11/20]

Living Without Abuse. 2020 Male Victims [online] Available at: https://www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/who-is-affected-by-abuse/male-victims.htm [Accessed 19/11/20]

Mayo Clinic. 2020 Domestic Violence Against Women: Recognize Patterns, Seek Help [online] Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397#:~:text=Typically%20the%20violence%20becomes%20more,to%20take%20care%20of%20yourself [Accessed 19/11/20]

Office for National Statistics (ONS). 2020 Homicide in England and Wales: Year Ending 2019 [online] Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunit/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019 [Accessed 19/11/20]

Office for National Statistics (ONS). 2019 Domestic Abuse Victim Characteristics, England and Wales: Year Ending March 2019 [online] Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/domesticabusevictimcharacteristicsenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019 [Accessed 19/11/20]

Refuge. 2020. Forms of Domestic Abuse [online] Available at: https://www.refuge.org.uk/our-work/forms-of-violence-and-abuse/domestic-violence/forms-of-domestic-abuse/ [Accessed 18/11/20]

Refuge. 2020. Recognising Abuse [online] Available at: https://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/recognising-abuse/ [Accessed 18/11/20]

Refuge. 2020. Sexual Violence [online] Available at: https://www.refuge.org.uk/our-work/forms-of-violence-and-abuse/rape-and-sexual-assault/ [Accessed 18/11/20]

Respect. 2019 Male Domestic Abuse Stories: Stories of men like you [online] Available at: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/male-victims/case-studies/ [Accessed 19/11/20]

Science Direct. 2020 Women’s Rights and Men’s Violence — The Early History [online] Available at: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/marital-rape [Accessed 19/11/20]

The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS). 2017 Domestic Abuse [online] Available at: https://www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/domestic-abuse [Accessed 19/11/20]