He’s kind of old for her, no?
By: Miss Media
Tags: Movies, Film, Media Criticism

I Could Never be Your Woman (2007)

As part of an ongoing project to watch Saoirse Ronan’s entire discography (As one does when one is confined to one’s house, haven’t you heard there’s a pandemic going around?), I recently watched a low budget early 2000’s rom-com which, to my surprise, wasn’t terrible.

I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007) stars Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd in one of the few genuinely healthy on-screen romances I’ve seen from the time period. Pfeiffer plays 40-year-old Rosie, a successful screenwriter and single mother, whilst Rudd takes on 29-year-old Adam, an aspiring actor who falls for Rosie when she casts him in her show.

Aside from this being perhaps the only on-screen May-December romance I’ve witnessed where the women is the elder of the two, Rosie was a refreshing depiction of femininity, acting just as goofy and care-free as her male love-interest. Even more refreshing was that she wasn’t some uptight pen-pusher who needed a glorified man-child to swoop in and “loosen her up”; the moments we see of Rosie and her daughter (played by a young Saoirse Ronan) show a playful, young-at-heart woman who can be that way without any male influence. It’s no surprise to me that the movie was written and directed by a woman, Amy Heckerling, who also gave us the iconic 90’s masterpiece: Clueless (1995).

But why did this under-the-radar movie with not-so-great critical reviews have such a notable effect on me? I have no problem with the concept of age gaps in relationships between two consenting adults, and I know several couples with significant age gaps who seem happy and healthy. What I find unhealthy is that, in film and TV, there’s an obvious trend towards older men being paired with younger women, and not many examples the other way around. At least, when the roles are reversed, it’s usually a major plot-point.

Despite it’s applaudable depiction of Rosie, I Could Never Be Your Woman makes a pretty big deal out of the fact that she’s considerably older than Adam, and why wouldn’t it when we as a culture also make such a big deal out of ageing women?

In 2015, Maggie Gyllenhall revealed that she was turned down for a role because she was considered “too old” to play the love interest of a 55-year old actor. She was 37 at the time.

The above graph, by IBTimes, demonstrates just a few examples of Hollywood age gaps, and it’s immediately apparent (but perhaps not too surprising) that there is an uncomfortable double standard across the casting couches of Hollywood. Plus, the graph only includes films where the plot has nothing to do with the romantic leads’ age difference.

Generally, films and tv shows give the impression that it’s ok for a guy to be a bit older if his personality makes up for it. He might even get called a silver-fox because, in our culture, men are “allowed” to age and still be considered handsome. Look at Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington: All of them are at least in their late 50's, but they’re considered conventionally attractive, and you probably wouldn’t be too surprised to see them cast alongside Emma Stone (32) or even Anya Taylor Joy (24). But what about the other way around? What would you think if Emma Thomson was cast as a romantic lead against Timothée Chalamet?

Emma Thompson (61) and Timothée Chalamet (25)

Whether we like it or not, we’re all influenced by what we consider to be “normal” which, in turn, is largely determined by the media we consume. That’s why representation is so important: it creates a feedback loop. If future film-makers and casting directors are growing up in a culture of older women dating younger men on-screen whilst no-one bats an eyelid, then that will become their “normal”.

Sure, on an individual basis, many examples of older men dating younger women in media aren’t particularly harmful (although some DEFINITELY are). To an extent, the discrepancy we see in these on-screen relationships reflects real life, but that’s because no-one is stepping out to break the feedback loop. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship between an older man and a younger woman? Of course, but it’s the consistent on-screen trend that sends a damaging message to society: the message that women should look past superficial things like age and looks, but men needn’t do the same.