The Original Blog that started it all
By: Candid Conversations
Tags: Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Loneliness, Mental Illness, Conversations

This blog was originally published on June 18, 2018 and went viral after which Candid Conversations meet-ups began.

In search of a world with closer connections & not just better co, I had written this quite sometime back but considering the personal nature of the post have hesitated a lot before sharing it. My main reason for putting this on the Brandlogist page is obviously because it could have a higher reach here than on my personal profile but more importantly because as a communications consultant I have always believed we can use ideas & communication to spread good stuff & not just sell products and this is a small step, first of more to do so. Have tried to be as honest as possible.

___________________________

Below is a picture of me in Scotland around two years back. Most people who saw it or those who were with me on the trip thought I was having a great time….I wasn’t. I was going through emotional turmoil because I was sick, it was impacting life in various ways, I wasn’t getting better, and had some personal + professional setbacks. There was also an obvious pressure of getting back to a regular work-life & to fix it all I didn’t know how to deal with all of this along with my health. On top of that, I had kept all of this to myself.

In Scotland

I have never really escaped in life but I couldn’t think of anything else at that point but to move away from people I know. I am not talking about our really immediate family but our social- professional circle.

But in hindsight, when times are tough, aren’t we supposed to be closer to our friends, those we are connected to?

…

2 of my students died last year. In their 20s. One committed suicide, the other lost her life to cancer. A brave girl. But most people didn’t know what they were going through.

I remember one common theme on Facebook “ I wish they had shared what they were going through with us ?”

After the first incident, I reached out to a few other students. and 2 of the 6 people I spoke to were suffering from severe depression and nobody seemed to know. It only came up because I asked.

One of the two even calmly told me while sitting in a coffee shop how he had tried to commit suicide….. He said it so normally…and I didn’t know how to respond. Whether to hug him or get angry at him?! How do you respond to this?

What’s wrong with our generation- the millennials .. that our friends or social circle are not those with who we can share our life with.

None of those 6 interactions happened over days and countless hours. This all came out in an interaction of 1–2 hours. All I did was ask an honest question... how they really were. Has “ how are you ? “ really stopped meaning “how are you really ?”

It seems in the world of social media filters and sharing news from around the world we have forgotten to share how we really are. We are increasingly living in a culture where we are more comfortable sharing every other activity of our lives on social media -carefully crafted selfies, to memes to wishing our own spouses ( why? ) to pictures of our dinners to check-ins to even football scores of matches any of us can catch on live tv..everything... EVERYTHING except how we feel. How we really feel. What hurts us, moves us, inspires us, scares us. Perhaps it’s too personal and that’s fine but we aren’t really sharing it in the real world too.

And I am not being holier than thou..that's why I shared my story first. I was also recently diagnosed with severe depression (the above shit took a toll) but thought I could share stories of Antony Bourdain or Michael Phelps, my own story to my own network wasn't in my comfort zone.

But life & solutions usually lie outside our comfort zone & I strongly believe the world we live in needs solutions beyond how to get our cab faster & food +groceries easier!

Thus this weird, honest, vulnerable post.

And it’s not just about sharing our problems but even what makes us really happy. We as a culture have taken ‘the image’ too seriously. And then with the growing prominence of social feeds, we compare our life with someone’s highlight reel as displayed on social media. Is it fair on us? Our happiness?

And even when we share news or opinions, the subsequent interaction is not people having a constructive conversation. It’s either people affirming your belief or others getting into an argument. Life is more nuanced than black or white. Digital may be binary, but not our lives!

Technology can be amazing but it’s an asset, not dependence, and definitely not the primary construct of our lives.

I can go on but I don’t want to make this post just about issues but perhaps a small solution…

Some of the deepest conversations I have had are with strangers while traveling. And I don’t think I am alone in that. From what I have heard It’s strangers who we meet in journeys or some online forum or tinder or a therapist where we can forget the BS small talk and share what really matters-the deep to the inane.

_______

I wanted to begin with a meet — a place where individuals can interact, which is:

1. A ‘non-judgemental, honest place’ where we have people from different age groups gender, political and social opinions, sexuality, etc having honest, interesting conversations. I would love to see a 18-year-old heterosexual liberal girl talking to a 65-year-old gay man, openly without preconceived notions

2. ‎A ‘no bullshit policy’ where we don’t small talk.

Where you have conversations without pretense or political correctness and where you don’t want to talk about something you just say “I don’t want to”, instead of some random BS to avoid.

3. Not deep philosophical stuff only, but all that matters — First loves to dreams to inane but brilliant Bollywood movies to weird experiences.

4.Neither labels nor legacy — For most of us the second or third question is “ so what do you do?”. I am not sure if this is only in our culture but we need to have an identity beyond our designations, money, or our family. It would be interesting if we avoided these questions — and talked about our interests, who we really are.

5. Self-supporting — The idea would be to have more than one of these meets and for this to happen it has to be self-supporting. There will be a minimal cost which goes for the coffee, promoting the event, and time of those who put this together.

6. ‎No tech, no addictions — I am all for freedom of choice but we should be able to have ‘real conversations’ without being a few drinks down or constantly scrolling through our Facebook. So all mobile devices will be on airplane mode and there will be coffee but no alcohol.

I am planning to have the first event in July 2nd half & looking for specific suggestions where we can have this -a cafe or an outdoor venue etc. Please comment below with your suggestions & join the group

It's going to happen even if I am the only one there enjoying my cup of tea :)

Also, I am spending my own money and effort in promoting this, so would request anyone who comes across this and connects with the idea to 1)share this post & 2) attend the meet.

The group ‘Coffee & Conversations’:https://www.facebook.com/groups/763033493902732/?ref=br_rs