Don’t Tell Me What I Want to Hear
By: Agnes Louis
Tags: Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Self, Honesty, Life

“Oh my God, you look so thin! You’ve got to share with me your secret to lose weight!” I overheard a woman said to her friend. I couldn’t help but watch incredulously.

The friend that woman was complimenting? She looks unhealthily overweight.

And that was not the first time I’ve witness this. Someone telling a friend or a relative what he/she wants to hear instead of being honest, saying what he/she needs to hear.

I rarely see this happen in some of the countries I’ve been or lived in previously so I can’t really tell if it happens elsewhere but this flaw is quite prevalent in the society I grew up in.

I remember a time when my youngest brother, very very young at the time, said to my father, “Dad, we should stop shopping here. All the items are so expensive,” in front of the shop owner and my dad, with a red face, apologized to the owner, telling him that my brother didn’t mean it and that he was just a kid.

I didn’t understand it at the time. What’s the problem? The shop did overprice their products and the shop owner had been notorious for taking a ridiculous amount of profit. My brother was stating the truth no one else seemed to have the guts to voice out.

Why are people doing this… lying?

I was once on the receiving end of this… cultural flaw and it had caused me a lot of confusion and difficulties in the past.

Instead of telling me what I should really hear, people told me what they think I wanted to hear.

I have had encountered my fair share of dishonesty in the past, stemming from others’ bizarre need to please other people no matter the consequences and it has caused unnecessary heartaches and a stall in progress.

I have been taught, and learned, from a very young age to compliment because compliments will take you places.

What no one taught me was that complimenting and telling people things they want to hear to please them (even if it’s untruthful) are two very different things.

I don’t want to hear about how good I am at something if the reality is I’m terrible at it. I don’t want to hear how skinny I am when the truth is I’ve just gained a few pounds. I don’t want to hear anything nice about me if it’s not true.

Yes, be nice. Pay compliments generously if it’s your thing. But PAY IT WHERE IT’S DUE.

When we pay forward a false compliment, we have rob someone of progress, of a chance to improve.

If we don’t have anything nice to say or we’re too nice to say something we think it’s not our place to say, well then don’t say anything.

Shhhh. Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

A piece of wisdom my late mother had passed down to me when I was a teenager, that has served me well over the years, is this:

No one will say you’re dumb just because you don’t make a sound.

No, no one will fault you for being quiet.

I can’t speak for everyone else but I, personally, prefer to be spoken to truthfully.

If I’m crappy at something, tell me.

If I look like hell, tell me.

I don’t need, nor want, empty flatteries.

How do I improve and be better if every time I do a terrible job or look terrible I get praises?

If you say I’m bad at something and I don’t agree with you, I’ll try my best to explain myself. If you say I’m good at something and that’s the truth then well, thank you. Whatever it is, say it to me truthfully. Give it to me as it is.

Tell me what I NEED to hear, NOT what I WANT to hear.

Because I will forever be grateful to you for the chance you have graciously extended to me. The chance to be a better person.

And trust me,