Why Turning 30 Is Scary
By: Vik
Tags: Birthday, Women, Self Improvement, Aging, Advice

Why Turning 30 Is Scary

Coming to terms with aging.

Photo by Marina Lima on Unsplash

The day has finally come. I am turning 30 tomorrow and I don’t know if I am happy or sad about it — or both.

For the past weeks, I have been feeling some sadness and inadequacy. I have no idea where these feelings come from.

The coach and scientist that I am, I sat myself down in front of my diary and tried to reflect what the reasons for these feelings might be. Where am I in life? Is there something I would like to have achieved by now but haven’t? What are my future goals?

And, even though all of this was helpful, the negative feelings remained. I am also looking forward to my thirties, don’t get me wrong, but there is something about this birthday that feels different to me.

Coming to terms with aging — where are the role models in the media?

For the past ten years, during my twenties, my body has definitely changed. But, most of these changes I have noticed in the past year or so.

Some wrinkles around my eyes, my hair getting thinner and not being able to go days without much sleep are just some examples of my body changing.

All of this is natural and I still like myself and my body very much. I have noticed though, that I usually don’t see any of these things in the media.

The aging body is still something people want to block out.

Why is that? Nothing about my personality changed. My body is still, thank God, capable of most things and I am active, too. But something about these bodily changes and the “3” in front of my age number gives me fear.

We should talk about aging a lot more. Out society is getting older and older and I have many years left to live. I don’t want to feel this way about turning 30.

In my opinion, there is not much room for positive and graceful examples of being an adult and aging.

Especially women over 30, 40, 50, 60, etc., are, in my opinion, way underrepresented on social media and media in general.

Next, how do our relationships look like when we get older?

Finding love and being in love is normal and possible at any age

It was just recently that I watched a TV show on Netflix where two elderly single people, presumably over 55, started dating. Funny enough, it was very strange to me to see that, but it also made me very happy. How many widows and widowers are out there or other single people who start relationships later in life for their own reasons? Many. So why don’t we see that on TV?

It is normal to find love at any age! I need to remember that and maybe, so do you.

One of my fears turning 30 is, that I will be all alone forever if something might happen to my current relationship. That is absolute BS.

There is this strange presumption about being 30 and having it all together when in fact that is a total misconception. This leads me to the following conclusion.

All my strange and negative beliefs about getting older, love, relationships, and being 30 are outdated and actually wrong.

I will challenge myself to accept the flow of life as it is and not limit myself and my own growth by these beliefs. Beliefs that have been ingrained in me at a very young age by the media and society in general.

I would love to see more elderly couples, with all their natural beauty on TV. Netflix, I am here for it!

The inner clock

Being a woman and writing about turning thirty, I have to talk about having children.

We all know that there is a time when a woman will not be able to have children anymore. Probably at age 45 or 50. Yes, I know chances are getting lower even after 30. A little.

I think that this is portrayed very negatively. As a woman over thirty, I have options. First of all, I will probably be able to have children naturally, or without seeing a fertility clinic for the next 10 years. Luckily enough I feel very confident about my decision with waiting to have children a couple more years. But if you are still struggling with this, read on.

If you are a woman and are afraid of not ever having children because you don’t have the right partner yet — you have options. Talk to your gynecologist. How are your hormones doing? Do you have a condition that could lead to having problems with getting pregnant? PCOS, Endometriosis, etc.?

If you have a condition that lessens your chance of getting pregnant, age does not matter. Then you also have problems with getting pregnant at 25. If you have a huge wish for children later, then look at your body earlier.

You are in control, no matter if you have a partner or not. You can even freeze your eggs. It is expensive, but if that is important to you then start saving some money!

It is not that I want to scare anyone with this article or promote any form of procedure. I just want to emphasize that I often see women feeling hopeless when they do not have children at a certain age.

Please start to look for options and solutions. You are not a victim and it is not the men's fault if it does not work out. If having children is important to you, talk to your doctor early enough, take measures into your own hands.

There is no point in being angry at your partner at the age of 35 if you cannot get pregnant if the underlying reason for that has been there for many years before — unnoticed. Take responsibility, take precautions, because you are the boss of your body!

Also, there is this misconception that every woman wants children. That is totally not the case. There are many other ways to live a fulfilling life.

Another thought that I have about turning 30 is the following.

OMG! — I am an adult now

When I was a child I thought the thirty-year-olds were already extremely old. Adults. Most of my teachers etc. were in their thirties.

There is no way out of it. I am an adult now. What do I associate with being an adult?

First, I have to take responsibility for my actions. Where is my career going? Where are my relationships going? What am I spending my money on?

The responsibility is all mine. Sometimes when I am sad and crying I would love for someone to make it all go away. But now that I am thirty, I know that there is no one to do that. This someone is me. I have to pick myself up.

I have known that for quite some time, but my 30th birthday feels like a wake-up call. Sure, my mom will still hug me, and so will my partner and my friends, but I am an adult now and I need to be there for myself.

Needless to say, no one ever has it all together. Being an adult does not mean being strong all the time. But I do think that there is some more responsibility to take.