Stop that Thought | I am who I am
By: Justin Jagels
Tags: Depression, Anxiety, Coping, Mental Health, PTSD

Photo by Victor Freitas from Pexels

Carefully selected coping mechanisms can often be the only thing that helps you get through the day when you’re living with mental illness. The methods used vary widely, from person to person and from disorder to disorder, but the intent is the same. An effective coping mechanism should keep you elevated above, but maybe not out of, the quagmire of emotions or thoughts that threaten to pull you down. They give you a reason to smile, a distraction from the pain, or just a way to put one foot in front of another.

First, a few rules for coping mechanisms that I have found.

Don’t get discouraged if a coping mechanism doesn’t work for you. If one works, but not well, don’t be afraid to personalize it. If you find one that works, write it down and keep the list with you. Make a habit of using them whenever possible, even if you don’t need them. Repetition helps keep them active. Always look for new ones you may find in your life. You can never have too many. Your final list of coping mechanisms will not be the same as mine, or anyone else’s.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m going to go through a few commonly accepted methods that I use. I will give my overview of how they are billed to work and then go through some modifications I’ve made for use in my life. If you wish to try these, work with the base method first.

Then, if you wish, try the adaptations that I’ve found effective for me. Otherwise, use them in the way they were intended or make your own adaptation that shapes it into something you find useful. I’ve noted primary condition they’re used with when it seems apt to differentiate.

This is not an exhaustive list of general methods or even my own and this first post deals with “in the moment” methods.

Rhythmic Breathing — Anxiety

The principle behind this is to slow and control your breathing to calm your mind through your body. The slow, measured breath serves to gently relax your mind and body into a more calm state.

This method does work for me, but I wasn’t exactly happy with how far it got me. I made a few adaptations to it for my personal use

First, I place my right hand on my chest and move it with my expanding chest. I push and release on my chest with conscious effort. This helps me to exert greater control over the consistency of my breathing. I also repeat a short phrase with each exhale that related to the specific situation that has my anxiety keyed up.

For example: “This mistake can be fixed,” “They were not talking about you,” “She loves you”

Opposite to Emotion thinking — Multi-Use

The principle behind this method can be difficult. The premise: If you are feeling empty or lonely, think of moment where you are full of happiness or even love to counter balance it. My problem with this is that when I am in those sort of states it can be difficult to spontaneously come up with an effective counter balance.

I didn’t really modify this one so much as work on preparing set pieces to be used. I came up with a general list of depressive, manic, or anxiety filled moments and devised a memory based counterbalance for each one.

I made sure to choose actual events that contained the necessary feelings rather than a general idea that I should feel so that it would be easier to use them. When I felt well enough, I worked on them further and tried to attach more emotion to them. The practice of attaching additional emotions is really hit or miss though. Even without that component, the idea of using emotional memories makes the opposite emotion experience feel more genuine and less contrived and ineffectual.

The Five Senses — PTSD

The premise of this method is to bring yourself back into the real world by using all of your senses to perceive the world around you, one sense at a time. This method doesn’t address the issue, just brings you out of the flashback. The starting point is best determined by whichever sense is least involved with your PTSD flashbacks. For me, it was sight.

I don’t have a good modification because it is a very valid and effective method for me. I’d much rather explain an experience I’ve had with it. I will note that for some, they have to actually feel the objects and senses rather than imagine them to place themselves back into the moment. I am not that way.

A flashback to my childhood sexual abuse happened at work. I searched the room with my eyes for an object, and they landed on an empty chair. I focused on the chair and tried to take in all of the details of it and its construction.

I could see the blue upholstery that covered it and the black metal arms that extended to the floor. I kept the image in my mind and imagined myself touching the rough fabric upholstery of the chair. I imagined the way it would feel as I ran my hand across it. I imagined moving my hand to the arms and feeling their smoothness.

I could slowly feel myself returning to reality. I opened myself up to sounds. I heard the clicking of keys as my coworker typed. I heard the sounds of the machines running out on the shop floor. Then the smells came. I could smell dust and the slight odor of hot electronics from the computers in the room.

I did not need taste. I usually didn’t, but I always kept gum or pop around just in case though. I can actually remember that specific moment because of the particularly vivid flashback I pulled out of as I practiced the methods. It worked for me. I have no idea if it works for other people.

Mental Re-framing — Irrational Thoughts

The idea of this mechanism is to take a thought that can be recognized as incorrect and apply logic and reason to it so that a realistic thought can replace it. It works equally well with overly negative and overly positive thoughts.

I have monitored my thought patterns and, rather than reworking the method, have prepared logic and reason points for the different overly negative and positive thoughts that usually take place in my mind.

It makes it easier to notice the irrational thought and makes it even easier to challenge these thoughts since I don’t have to work up a rationalization and instead have ones that I already know. Many people do this unconsciously as we often fight the same battles over and over again.

I am always left with some oddballs that I could never expect, but practice of the method and knowledge of its effectiveness in the other areas seems to make my mind more limber and allows me to recognize the distortions sooner. That is the main key for me, the sooner I notice them, the easier they are to defeat.

Emotional Awareness — Preemptive

This method relies on being aware of one’s emotions and changes in them so that you can be prepared for things that may come up when your emotions shift and change. It often works alongside the idea of mental re-framing.

Once again, I did little to change this method, but much to prepare. First, I established an “emotional ruler” of sorts by identifying components of emotions from normal responses over the course of months and assembled them into a baseline of emotions as a more accurate gage of changes in states.

The next set of preparation was to pre-select and condition other coping mechanisms based on the directions my emotions shifted along that emotional ruler. Imagine it as a hexagon, if my emotions moved to one point I used one coping mechanism with certain ideas in mind, if it moved to an adjacent point I may use the same mechanism with other ideas in mind. I wrote all of this down, in short notes, on the card I keep with me that lists my coping mechanisms (some of which are not listed here).

The entire method itself can be a coping mechanism. Simply recognizing the change and being prepared for a shift in emotions makes me more able to deal with the new sensations than being completely blindsided by them. It happens, so yes, there is a difference.

Journals — Processing

The base of this method is to write out feelings as they come up and through writing them, process the ideas in a more objective format. Sometimes, it helps to write out a thought that may not be rational then return to it later to judge how rational thought patterns are. The distance of stepping away and then reviewing adds some objectivity.

Other times, journaling is an immediate form of post processing. The moment you write it, the wrongness of the statement screams at you. If you’ve ever said something or wrote something at all I am sure you know how that goes: “Hey I… Oh, wait, that doesn’t make sense…”

My adaptation has been pushing past journaling and into writing. I now write fictional short stories, many of which are absolute trash, because they will show cognitive distortions of thoughts by exaggerated emotions or actions of characters that represent real individuals in my life.

They serve a dual purpose. I can express my frustrations with real life situations and I can see that my perception of the events were not accurate. I may write about how the character that Bob plays committed some act viewed as completely horrific only to realize that I over exaggerated his crime both in the story and in my daily life.

Talking — Processing

The idea of talking through your thoughts is much the same as that for writing, with the difference being that the paper actually responds to you. The best candidates are either the ideal, the therapist, or else with a close friend or family member that you can trust with your issues. They both have value. The therapist gives clinical and rational ideas, where the ones close to us give real world and closely related ideas.

My twist is more of a caution: These talks are not for those people to solve your problems for you. They are for you to vocalize what you’re feeling and, in doing so, make it so that you can see the truth of what you’re thinking.

You might also realize that you were thinking of something in the wrong context and they don’t even have to say a word! If you go into it expecting them to solve your problems for you, you’ll come out worse than you went in. They are not you, and they cannot solve your problems. They can direct you, but the mind that tricks you is also the mind that saves you.

Analyze Thoughts — Anxiety

This is really something I make a practice of doing during all of my coping methods, but especially while writing a journal, writing and talking to others. During those times, I identify specific thoughts or beliefs that seem to hold a central tenant in how I am feeling or the way my life is going.

The first step is simply to identify. The act of writing or talking about these deeper types of thoughts doesn’t actually solve them, but it does serve to highlight them. It brings them to my attention as things to work on.

Once I have identified these points, I start to pick them apart. The first step is to find the piece of truth within the thought. There is almost always something in all of my irrational thoughts that has the ring of truth to it. Seeing what that is can be very important to dealing with the thought.

Then I look for the first ways that the truth is stretched. I try to see what assumptions were made based on that piece of truth that stretched it away from truth and into fallacy.

That leaves only the far fetched, there is no identification needed because it is all that is left. These are the parts to be discarded.

Once I have done that, I look back to the truth and try to view it from a more objective view. Why did I stretch the truth? Was it a fear that needs to be addressed that lead me to do so? That is often the case. If so, how can I address that fear or how do I prevent myself from performing that cognitive distortion in the future.

I often cannot solve that problem on my own. I make a note to watch for it happening in the future and note it down to discuss with my therapist to see if there is some deeper issue that I need to address or if I need to reframe my way of thinking in those instances.

Masks — Peace and Quiet

Masks are important. They allow us to get through our day to day lives without a thousand questions we don’t want to answer. They allow us to hide our issues from people who we don’t want to know or to protect ourselves from those who would hurt us with the knowledge of our issues. It is an essential tool, but I have plans to discuss them in more detail in later posts. They are complex and I don’t want to rush through them.

I mention them to say this: It is okay to have masks, but make sure you only use it around strangers and not around close friends that care. Those people need to know how you’re feeling so that they can support you correctly or tell you when you need more support than they can give. Let your support network support you.

Positive Self talk — Self-esteem

Remind yourself how wonderful you are! I hated this one when it was first presented to me. I didn’t like me, how was I supposed to say good things about me? You are beautiful. No, I’m not. STFU.

I made my mark on it. I decided that, rather than ambiguous things that are subjective and in the eye of the beholder, I switched to positive things that actually exist. Things like, you are a very loving father. Or, you can make a damn good sandwich with your expertly selected deli choices.

They’re kind of stupid, but they reinforce that I am not always the complete screw up that I feel like at the time. It can be anything! It just has to be positive and something I did or do well. If I really look, there are a lot of things. Some of the more significant ones are harder to remember in times of trouble, but the simple ones often give me the bump up to get to those

After I cycle through a few real life positives, I sometimes feel open to the subjective bullshit ones that they recommended I use. In that sense, those do work.

Person/Support Latch

The idea is to imagine the love and support of your support system and use it to bring yourself up out of depression. I actually liked this one, but I did add a twist.

I use the twist for suicide prevention, though it’s very effective against my depression in general. I did a detailed write up on it, if you’d like to check it out look here: Coping Mechanism for Suicidal Thoughts

Emerson or Emotion Overload

No one ever told me to use something like this and I do not recommend anyone ever try it. The consequences could be disastrous if you don’t have the correct setup. I love it though, so I had to include it.

When I am feeling incredibly depressed, on the edge of tears, I open myself up. I throw my emotional and mental arms wide. I let every emotion I can possibly feel flow into me. All of the pain, the sadness, the anger, the emptiness, the love, the compassion, the happiness… The list goes on.

I let it all come into me and overwhelm everything that I am thinking. I let my mind be completely filled with emotion. It works because I have built myself up in such a way that one emotion dominates them all.

It lifts me up and makes me happy. It leaves me crying, but the tears are of joy. That emotion is Love. There is a saying that love conquers all. I didn’t understand the phrase till I took the huge risk and tried this experiment of a method.

Again, don’t try this unless you are in a VERY secure place and are VERY sure you can handle the consequences if it does not play out right.

That’s it.

Those are my “in the moment” methods that I use to survive and live a full life with my various issues. They are some of the common methods and some of my tweaks. I’m not sure if you’ll find them of any use, but I enjoyed writing about them, so I guess that’s enough for me.

I also posed a second part on some methods that occur more outside of the mind in another post you can find from the homepage or linked the Mental Health page.

Let me know if any sound cool or, if you have your own, leave some in the comments!

Upcoming Mental Health Topics

Coping Mechanisms — Part Two

Stigma — Silence is Safety

Stigma — Harmful Perspectives

Stigma — Masks for Depression

Does Mental Illness Make Me Inferior

Mental Health Statistics

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