The Struggle Is Real
By: Bushwick Variety Show
Tags: Startup, Sobriety, Progress, Self Improvement, Struggle

Photo by Xenia Bogarova on Unsplash

I knew winter was coming, but now winter is here, and I’m feeling it. I’m struggling with it, and it isn’t all fun.

But things have also been good. I pretty much decided to stop drinking around the beginning of October, went to one of the meetings and everything. And mid month it was my wife’s Birthday, so I had a glass of wine that night, and then on Halloween we had some friends over… and I resisted at first… but then caved… I didn’t go overboard, but I realized that both times, while I enjoyed it at the time, I really didn’t want to drink, so I had regret after.

There is a lot that I’m super grateful for right now, I set some clear goals last January, and I’ve seen some of them come to fruition for my year goals, Overall I’m happy with the progress. Where I’m struggling is the day to day discipline. Writing this blog, which I’m supposed to do every day. Producing podcasts, which I’m supposed to do at leas once a week, if not twice a week, stretching daily, writing, just being more efficient with how I conduct myself.

The past week and a half has been a roller coaster. I did an educational film shoot, but I biked to the train, and when I got home realized that I didn’t properly lock my bike because I was in a rush to catch the train to the Bronx for the shoot, so when I got home, I had to face the Brooklyn Street tax. I had a bunch of film and theatre auditions, and then went into a mini-depression because I didn’t hear anything back right away, then I got called back for a play that I really am excited about and got cast in a promo for a new app an actor is launching. The same day I filmed the promo I got invited to do a small role in a short film that a mutual friend is producing for his thesis, and the people and production were all quality, so I’m excited about that piece. And in my depression last week, I fell off of my martial arts training, so I got back on it this week, but on Monday, on my way home, biking through the rain, with a stop at the grocery store… I lost my keys!!!!

So it’s been a roller coaster, and not all of it has been fun, but there has been lots of insight. I attended the book club meeting at Jen Waldman Studios discussing the new Simon Sinek book, The Infinite Game, and the author himself showed up and shared insight specifically tailored to our group of theatre artists. And overall I guess what I’ve been thinking about recently is how important the small things are. Not to sweat them, but to improve them in the quest for the grand change we want to affect. As chaotic as things have been for me recently, by my fault and just by chance, because I’ve been being striving to be more organized, the mishaps haven’t been as detrimental because I do have a semblance of a plan, and some tools to navigate. Meaning I have some idea of where I want to go, and I know why I’m driving there, and because I decided to try sobriety, I’m becoming acutely aware of where I was probably hiding, more than I want to admit, behind drinking to not face those things I know I need to deal with.

“See I’m just like you, yeah I know I’m a mess. Take a minute to think, take an hour to dress. Got this pain in my neck, came from staring at stars. Can’t find the remote, drink and driving my car…. See I’m just like you, always pressed for my time, need a sec to unwind, nonstop’s I’ll I got. First they wants to fucks with you, ’cause you one of a kind. Then you can’t catch them on the line, shit went to cold from hot. Hollywood’s on their mind, all chasing it blind. Make sure that your shine’s the results of your grind, not just running some lines, with your gun in your ride. ’Cause out this shit I’m gon’ climb, cause it’s about that time.” -Shabaaz Palaces

https://youtu.be/yHaZhIkaHiE