Examining the Jealousy of Success through Psychological Concepts
By: Mo Kaiser
Tags: Mindfulness, Jealousy, Personal Development, Psychology, Success

Examining the Jealousy of Success through Psychological Concepts

A high-level overview of how jealousy is shaped through social comparison theory, cognitive bias, and mindfulness.

Photo by Fab Lentz on Unsplash

Jealousy is an emotion that is avoided in conversation and disregarded when shared publicly. Society has painted it to be ugly and abnormal. If that were 100% true, why does everyone experience jealousy to a certain degree? The answer lies in the psychology.

Social Comparison

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We compare things to other things. People to other people. Our current selves to our past selves. Instead of ignoring or shaming human nature, though, let’s navigate the phenomenon of social comparison when jealous thoughts come to the table.

When we feel jealous of a friend’s success, we are following Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory. This is when “individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others”. This can become a positive (motivation) or negative (depression, jealousy) event.

Kristi Hedges from Forbes published this piece outlining a couple reasons why we get jealous of a friend’s success. As a psych person, I loved this statement:

We try to rationalize envy away, but envy itself isn’t rational. It’s an emotional response.

Top B-schools and corporate execs preach to avoid emotionally driven decisions. This in and of itself is highly irrational. Every decision we make will be influenced by at least one emotion, so let’s make this clear: avoidance builds problems, not solutions.

Decision-making skills improve when you become more aware of your emotions and how they make your body feel. Why? You’re applying rationality to an irrational concept.

Cognitive Bias

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“A thinking error that occurs when people are interpreting information around them, which affects the decisions and judgments that they make.” — Kendra Cherry, Verywell Mind

I worked in a research CAT (Cognition, Anxiety, and Treatment) lab that focused on understanding the cognitive biases underlying anxiety disorders, distress tolerance, and obsessive compulsive disorders. In short, we worked on shifting situations from being anxiety-ridden to neutral by reshaping thought processes. Think of it like a factory reset for your iPhone, but for your brain.

In a jealousy context, we exhibit a form of cognitive bias when we assume someone got promoted because they were lucky or knew someone higher up in the chain. But if we were the one to get the promotion, it was due to hard work.

Additionally, the Interactive Design Foundation noted that psychologists Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman found that presenting the same information differently can lead to opposing decisions being made. This means that our biases and habits can be unlearned or, in the very least, modified.

Just like our cognitive biases, we can reshape our jealous thoughts over time with some awareness and effort.

If interested in learning more about cognitive bias modification (CBM) and the intersection of anxiety and jealousy, check these out:

Mindfulness

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Mindfulness is when we become fully aware of what we are feeling and doing in the present moment. I believe it’s important to feel negative emotions (ex: jealousy, sadness) when they happen instead of pushing them aside. Ignoring our emotions completely can make us feel trapped or encourage them to build up over time, leading to an emotional outburst.

Practicing mindfulness can help us become aware of our jealous thoughts when they happen and the type of situations they occur in. Then, over time, improve our understanding of ourselves and challenging such thoughts.

For example, I practice mindfulness primarily through guided breathwork, yoga, and meditation. I also carve out 5–10 minutes for journaling every day.

And for real life examples, check this out:

Created by CBT expert and clinical psych professor Dr. Robert L. Leahy

Conclusion

It’s normal to be jealous when others succeed. It’s also normal to want to change certain thoughts. My advice to you:

Allow yourself to experience life and the emotions that arise. Question the rationality behind the biases you are holding on to. Pivot your thinking towards the path that betters you as a person.

Note from the Author

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to connect with me on Medium and LinkedIn. I’d love to hear your thoughts and continue the conversation.

-Mo