Let’s start the conversation.
Tags: Writing Challenge, Conversations, God

Day eleven.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

When no apparent inspiration is around, I’ll write about my day.

Today I felt drained after work. Working with people asks for an emotional investment. And some days I feel like I’ve put so much emotional energy in my work, that I don’t feel like doing anything afterward. My plans made in the morning, were quickly readjusted. And that’s okay! You can’t go hardcore every day. What’s less okay, is what I do when my emotional energy is low. I basically just lay around, watch Netflix or Youtube with a low attention span, and pass the time until I can go to bed. Sleeping isn’t enough to recharge my emotional batteries.

When I take a minute to pause and think about what I need, I would say that I need to watch a show on Netflix where I don’t have to use my brain to stay focused. Because that’s what I want to do. But what do I need? There might be a longing in my heart that is unfulfilled. Maybe I want someone to care for me like I’ve cared for others throughout the day. Maybe I want to feel seen and loved. Maybe I want to feel that I matter. Maybe I just want to rest in a loving environment. If you read these things, you would easily think that friends or loved ones are able to fulfill those needs. They can. Yet it’s not their job to fulfill my longings whenever I feel the need. Disappoint comes with expectations.

And here is where I feel a discrepancy between my head and my heart. I know that God is the only one who can fulfill the longings, needs, and desires of my heart. I know this not only by knowledge of God, but also by experience first-hand. And still knowing this, I don’t feel like going to the Lord. I prefer to be lazy and just lay around. There is a source, a river, that is easily accessible and can refresh my soul. I won’t feel emotionally empty anymore. And I prefer to lay in my drained state of being. The curious behavior of people. Or maybe not so curious. We sometimes don’t like to do what is good for us, although we know it’s actually good for us. I don’t like to eat healthy on a daily basis, yet I know that it’s good for me. How do I do something that I don’t want to do? You change your mindset. You start a conversation with yourself about what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this. And then you invite God into the conversation. You tell Him how you’re feeling. You can tell Him the good, the bad, and the ugly. He can take it. And He will listen. He loves to listen to you. Like today I told Him: “I really don’t want to write the post for the writing challenge. And I also don’t feel like spending time with You. I just feel so tired. I just want to rest. Well actually, I want to feel carried and refreshed…”

In emotionally draining days, it’s hard to take thirty minutes and just read the Bible or pray. And maybe that already seems like a big challenge to you. But inviting God into your conversation is a mind-shifter and a heart-changer. My stubborn heart may not want it, but I know it’s what I need. Change comes when we invite God, He does His part, we just have to take the first step and start the conversation….