Kindness is Contagious
By: Vinod Bhardwaj
Tags: Kindness, Helping Others, Compassion, Empathy, Sharing Is Caring

Kindness is Contagious

Is there hope that we, as humans, could “scale up” the reach and depth of our kindness? Research suggests that kindness gathers its momentum, and its impact goes well beyond our happiness or the well-being of the person we help; instead, it can affect countless people whom we may never even meet.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Buying a cup of tea for the next person in line, helping an older adult cross the street, or merely smiling at strangers are all ways of spreading a little sunshine and making ourselves feel good at the same time. This may be common knowledge for some, but now, it’s also scientific. A series of studies in well-known journals over the past decade have borne proof that kindness is, in fact, contagious. A duo from the University of California San Diego and Harvard University conducted an exhaustive study proving that cooperative behavior can spread from one person to many, in a sort of ripple effect of happiness. I believe we cannot have a full under­standing of human morality until we can explain why and how human beings are so powerfully affected by the sight of a stranger helping another stranger.

I have studied and experienced this feeling for the past several years, which I call “boost.” I have deﬁned boost as a warm, uplifting feeling that people experience when they see unexpected acts of human good­ness, kindness, courage, or compassion. It makes a person want to help others and to become a better person himself or herself.

Boost is widely known across cultures and historical eras. You prob­ably recognize it yourself. But for some reason, no psychologist has studied it empirically. Instead, psychologists have focused most of their energies on the negative moral emotions, especially guilt and anger. Psychologists have thought about morality primarily as a system of rules that prevents people from hurting each other and taking their possessions. But I believe that character is much richer and more balanced. Most people don’t want to rape, steal, and kill. They want to live in a moral community where people treat each other well and in which they can satisfy their needs for love, productive work, and a sense of belonging to groups of which they are proud. We get a visceral sense that we do not live in such a moral world when we see people behave in petty, cruel, or selﬁsh ways. But when we see a stranger perform a simple act of kindness for another stranger, it gives us a thrilling sense that maybe we do live in such a world. We can be so responsive to others’ good deeds — even when we do not beneﬁt directly — is an essential facet of human nature. Yes, people can be cruel, and we must continue our study of racism, violence, and other social ills. But there is a brighter side to human nature, too, and psychol­ogy ought to look more closely at it.

How to Cultivate Feelings of Kindness: Kind behavior comes more naturally when we’re feeling a sense of compassion and connection with others. The Feeling Connected practice involves thinking about a time when you felt a strong connection to another person — through a meaningful conversation, say, or experiencing a significant loss or success or historic event together — and describing that experience in writing. Feelings of concern for others and stronger intentions to carry out several generous acts include giving money to charity and helping a stranger in need. Similar to Feeling Connected is the Feeling Supported practice, which involves thinking about the qualities of the people you turn to when you’re distressed, then recalling a time when you were comforted by one of them. This simple practice is powerful because it increases “attachment security,” a state that involves feelings of trust and comfort and is especially helpful when we’re feeling threatened or insecure. It can also remind us of the kinds of qualities we want to embody when kindly supporting others. Another excellent way to tap into feelings of compassion and concern for others is to take a Walk, which involves going for a stroll somewhere that seems vast and perspective-shifting and makes us feel connected to something greater than ourselves. Finally, you can try Compassion Meditation/ Chanting. This simple — though not necessarily easy — technique involves paying attention to your breathing as you extend feelings of goodwill toward a loved one, yourself, a neutral person, and even an enemy. How to Boost the Happiness We Get from Kindness: Another way to increase the amount of kindness we perform over the long term sounds simple: make a concerted effort to achieve more kind and generous acts in a short time. Intentionally practicing kindness in our everyday lives, even on days when we’re not in an incredibly generous mood, can go a long way toward turning service into a habit. That’s primarily because of how kindness breeds happiness: The good feelings serve to reinforce our kind acts and make us more likely to want to perform them in the future. Practicing Random Acts of Kindness is the right place to start. This practice involves performing five acts of kindness in one day and then writing about the experience. They can be anything from bringing a meal to a sick friend to giving up your seat on the bus to donating money to buy ration for a family in COVID. For the person in line behind you at a cafe. For ideas, consider acts of kindness that you’ve witnessed or received in the past. Random acts of kindness not only lift our spirits at the moment; they also have the potential to alter the way we feel about ourselves and increase healthy forms of self-esteem. How to Inspire Kindness in Others: It’s essential to find ways to boost your kindness. But arguably, the greatest good we can do in the world comes from finding ways to increase compassion in others. The first is to create Reminders of Connectedness in a home, office, or classroom. These reminders can be as simple as a quote evoking shared goals, words like “community,” or a picture conveying warmth or friendships. The second involves Putting a Human Face on Suffering: Being able to identify distinct, specific victims of a problem — and learning about their personal stories — can make that problem more vivid, strike an emotional chord, and thus motivate people to help. The third, Shared Identity, involves forging a sense of common humanity across group boundaries. Reminding people to see the basic humanity they share with those who might seem different can help overcome fear and distrust and promote cooperation. Even small similarities, like appreciating sports, can foster a greater sense of kinship.

Becoming a kinder person — and nurturing kindness in your children and students — isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes practice to turn your best intentions into concrete actions. I have learned new ways as a student of “The Science of Happiness, “conducted by edX.