The subtle stress from lack-of-touch & physical distance
By: Petra Wilde
Tags: Vulnerability, Human Behavior, Responsibility, Covid 19, Stress

I believe it is now more damaging to my health, to not have physical contact with those I am around, than the risk of contracting CV19 is. My primary love language — the way I feel loved from others — is touch.

Boom just like that, fear was spread amongst the population and my daily rationing of hugs taken away. Two weeks I could deal with. Theres been a few hugs from family members, but that doesn’t seem to cut it. The daily baths helps, and moisturising my whole body and hugging myself daily helps. In the same way water helps when you’re hungover. There doesn’t seem to be enough and your throat is constantly dry. My body is aching and skin is screaming. It’s the sense of connection with another, one get through touch, it cannot be replaced. Just like conversation, eye contact, creating and other ways of connection, have a unique value to it.

I booked a session with my massage therapist. But it got cancelled. Because the restrictions she needs to follow, are just, insane. How can my dentist, who literally works inside my mouth — the hotspot for CV19 — be allowed to just wear a regular mask, while she needs to wear a visor? Why are we not allowed to decide for our selves, what risk we are willing to take, to live? Is freedom even a thing anymore?

I have absolutely no problem ‘being alone’ — I am not bored, I barely watch TV, and there are more than enough ideas and projects to satisfy my mind for years. In that sense, I personally feel powerful. But the lack of physical touch, is affecting me. Alot. More than I’ve been willing to admit and feel. Even though I know how to hold space for myself while crying and sobbing, I have mindfulness practices to observe and not be my emotions, I meditate and I know the feelings will pass, it’s an added stress-factor to deal with, that just takes up energy.

It feels like this lack of physical touch is causing a subtle stress, which have become the new normal (yikes). I’m hit by moments of sadness and loneliness, in a way that conversation just cannot relieve. My digestion is irregular and my hands flare up with eczema, even though I eat healthier than before and get lots of water. I can take all the supplements I want, but I wonder how much they help.

I’m not really scared of hugging people, I’ve been open to it from the beginning, but when we meet I’ve noticed this awkward way we deal with it — “were all just keeping some distance, right?”. Why is it we express it with a little laugh? To hide from the fear underneath? To not actually decide for ourselves in each moment? Or is it to avoid feeling the actual pain in the void of the physical distance? I wonder.

And then theres this article, if we look to science, that says that physical distancing the way we do it, is pretty much bonkers;

“A new research by qualified experts in their field from the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) lead by Dr Lydia Bourouiba, an Associate Professor at MIT, have researched the dynamics of exhalations (coughs and sneezes, for instance) for years at The Fluid Dynamics of Disease Transmission Laboratory and found exhalations cause gaseous clouds that can travel up to 27 feet (8.2 meters).”

Where is the actual science that supports the total “no-touch policy” that the governments recommend and promote? Is it just to make it easy on them and simplicity for the majority of humans who cannot discern for themselves? That was one friend and doctor’s point of view. I get that less crowded spaces and not hugging everyone on the street, combined with increased cleaning measures, keeps the reach of CV19 down.

But is it just me, or is the way the danish government communicate, creating this narrative of powerlessness? “Don’t think for yourself, thats dangerous, just follow our guidelines.” The way fear makes us obey, wow.

The space in between

What about introducing some kind of responsible physical contact where you decide who you hug — instead of a mass no hugs at all-policy? Especially for all of us who do not have a living human being or pet to cuddle regularly. What about picking those few people that you do hug when you see them, and then hug the shit out of them?

Is it a risk of too much truth — I mean, what if no one picked you to hug? Or if that friend you really want to hug is like “I chose 3 other friends, sorry.” Ouch! Yes that hurts, but then you also know where you stand with that person. I’d prefer that any day over any fake shit. So maybe theres also a personal psycological reason for us to stick to the narrative of “no hugs at all” — in the name of fear of rejection? Or mayby I am overanalysing :)

Anyway, I’m done blindly obeying (which I never really were) and instead take more responsibility. I’m opening up to hugs with a responsible mindset. How that looks, we’ll find out. Cause lets be real here, I’m healthy and young, so if I’m gonna be hit by CV19, it is gonna happen whether I hug those I hang with or not.