11 Skills That First-Time Moms With Leadership Experience Can Use When Adjusting To Motherhood
Tags: Women Leadership, Leadership Skills, Motherhood, Moms Who Work, New Mom

11 Skills That First-Time Moms With Leadership Experience Can Use When Adjusting To Motherhood Liz Jul 15·9 min read

You’re more prepared than you think.

Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

After 30 years insisting I’d never choose to be a mother, I found myself about to become one.

I’d had no experience with childcare, wasn’t close to anyone with a baby, and was dealing with a lot of doubt.

All the time I wondered … What if I’m not cut out to be a mom?

Reassurance like, “You got this Mama” or “You’re doing great” was nice to hear. But it drifted through my ears without ever reaching my brain.

I couldn’t be sure, because, well, I’d never done anything like this before!

And it’s not just me — there are tons of articles, books, and all kinds of resources specifically for new parents.

So I read tons of parenting advice and lists of registry must-haves. I even made a project plan spreadsheet.

But I still felt entirely unqualified. Like I personally didn’t have what it takes.

Then one day I found something that changed my mind.

It wasn’t anything online or even advice from a seasoned parent.

But I trusted the source.

And it launched my confidence high enough to get me over a lot of the humps of early motherhood.

An old greeting card I came across while clearing out some closet space. Full of thoughtful messages and heartfelt thanks. Signed by my whole team. They gave it to me when I was a manager some years back.

Reading it again felt great, obviously, but the timing couldn’t have been better.

It felt like the universe sent me exactly what I needed.

And it was something I already had but had forgotten about.

Just like all the skills I’d had to hone on the job.

Reflecting on how much I learned then, I remember how much imposter syndrome I had in those days.

I tried my best to be a good leader and I made SO many mistakes. Most of the time, I thought I was doing a terrible job.

But I can see now how appreciative my team was. And the success we had. The hard work of learning how to be effective as a leader was well worth it.

Especially now, as I realized that, even though I knew nothing about being a parent, I had in fact done something a little similar …

Leadership!

And all those strengths a leader needs to succeed — rather, to help their team be successful and happy — can help new moms too.

You’re bound to have moments of doubt and worry, along with all the overwhelming and exhausting parts of becoming a mom.

And if you’ve had any experience leading people, you’ll soon find many of the skills translate over into being a mom too.

Making The Transition To Motherhood

This is a special and joyous and, let’s be honest, extremely difficult time. Unlike any other.

But it’s also a transition, and you’ve been through transitions before.

So you know how to adjust to new things and navigate the unknown.

These are just a few of the skills that will help you do it as you find your way in your new role.

Communication

Leaders must keep communication clear and relevant. Mothers do too!

It might be hard to do at times, but communicating clearly is a skill that you’re going to be glad you have.

Communicating with doctors, your partner, or your family is going to come easier to you.

Because you already know how to do it in a way that’s professional and to the point.

Which means minimal drama, and more productive conversations.

Not to say that it’s always easy, especially when you’re tired or preoccupied or hungry … or all at once.

But knowing how to communicate will give you the confidence you need to get your message across. Even in those less-than-ideal circumstances.

So that you can set expectations early on and keep everyone on the same page.

Listening

A huge part — arguably the most important part — of communication is listening.

When I was a new manager, I thought I was always supposed to have something brilliant or wise or clever to say.

I soon learned that I was way better off doing more listening than talking. I understood more and became a better resource for others.

As a new parent, knowing how to actively listen will help you too.

From your partner’s feelings to your baby’s cries to subtle comments from family or medical providers. Taking it all in, and paying attention to nonverbal cues, will give you all kinds of valuable insight you wouldn’t get if you tried to do all the talking.

And you don’t have to know how to respond to everything right away.

Take the time to process and reflect, and you’ll be glad you did.

Delegating

As tempting as it might be to try and do everything yourself, effective leaders don’t.

They delegate.

And so will you, as you take on the huge responsibility of caring for a whole new person.

Of course, you’re going to want to do things yourself so they get done the way you want. But you’ll find that it’s true what they say, done is better than perfect.

Housework, meals, errands — delegate as much of it as you can.

Let it be good enough, for now.

And the earlier you can get comfortable with doing it, the better.

This skill will keep paying off, and help you be more present for yourself and your baby from day one.

There’s only one you, Mom!

Being Present

People want to feel heard, seen, and worthy of your time. Your full undivided attention. Particularly when people are feeling unsure of themselves.

One very simple way to show up for people is just being fully present in the moment.

I’m sure you’ve seen it yourself. Eye contact, eliminating distractions, giving someone all your attention. It makes a world of difference.

This applies as much to how you interact with your child, from the day they arrive, to everyone else around you.

But it’s good for you, too.

Being rooted in the present, you’ll remember that discomfort and challenges are temporary.

Plus the benefits of being present, like lower stress, less pain, and better health. All things a new mom needs!

And your presence will strengthen your connection with your child.

Especially during everyday tasks like changing diapers, baths, or meals.

Keeping a mindful presence helps you regulate your emotions too. Something you’ll be glad you know how to do once the toddler years hit.

Balancing Motherhood and Career

You can’t be in two places at once.

But many times it feels like we don’t have much of a choice.

Fortunately, you can use some of these leadership skills to help you find a balance.

Asking For Help

Sometimes even the person in charge needs help.

Being a leader doesn’t mean you always operate at peak performance (as much as we’d like to think so) and that’s OK.

I never liked asking for help from my boss, admitting I’d messed up or couldn’t deliver something on time.

For moms it can feel a million times harder to ask for help. With the pressure moms feel to do everything all the time, it’s no wonder we’re so frazzled.

One of the most important things to remember is that it’s more than okay — it’s necessary — to ask for help when you need it.

Whether it’s therapy or a shower or an afternoon off, it’s important to ask for the support you need.

Handling Complaints

Not everyone is going to be happy with your decisions.

Luckily, you already know the best way to handle a complaint isn’t arguing about it. Or proving yourself right. Or trying to avoid it altogether.

So if you get unsolicited feedback about your parenting, you’ll know how to handle it with grace.

By listening, empathizing, and thanking them for their concern.

Your ability to be professional will help you stay objective and fair.

Asserting Yourself

You don’t need me to tell you that an effective leader can’t waffle, flip flop, or noodle.

Being decisive, certain, confident, and clear will show people they can trust you.

The same goes with stepping into the unknown as a new mom. Just confidently do your best.

And fortunately for us, being assertive isn’t about always getting it right the first time. It’s about owning your decisions and moving forward with confidence.

We know balancing work and family involves making some difficult decisions.

Make the best choice you can with the information you have and stand by it.

Failure

Leaders know that success can only come from failure.

The more mistakes you make the quicker you learn.

Good thing babies know they don’t need to wait until they know how to walk perfectly to begin trying, right?

But you know from experience not to expect perfection. And you’re not afraid of failure.

You’re going to make some mistakes anyway, that’s part of the process, so you might as well be ready to learn from them.

You’ll get a lot further than by trying to pretend they don’t (or shouldn’t) happen.

Figuring Out How To Be A Good Mom

Okay, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not sure anyone has the answer to this one.

Even so, of course we all want to be a good mom.

And just like being a good leader, it’s subjective. It depends on who you’re leading — or in this case, mothering.

That said, we do have some tried-and-true ideas about what makes an effective leader that we can apply.

Modeling

Be the change you want to see — be a role model.

You’ve no doubt seen it work on a team level.

As a manager, you know not to expect your team members to be on time if you’re always late. The expectations you set for them are clear — you show them by walking the walk.

Language, table manners, humor, and emotions, your child is watching everything you do.

Being aware of the example you’re setting then makes you more aware of your own opportunities for growth.

As you continue to work on yourself, remembering that you’re the whole world to your child, you’ll both grow together.

It won’t be long before you find yourself amazed at the payoff.

Trust

Believe in your child’s abilities. Believe in them.

You’ve seen this when you give someone a difficult or important task.

You get better results by leading with trust. Tell someone you don’t think they can handle it, and you can almost guarantee they won’t.

Demonstrating trust in your little one can be really hard at first, but you already know it gets easier the more you do it.

Especially when you see what they can do.

Trust your baby to know when they’ve had enough to eat, and give them a safe space to explore, for example.

All the while, you’re building confidence.

Your confidence in them and their confidence in themselves and their abilities.

Respect

When you lead with mutual respect for people, you can see the impact it has.

On their happiness, morale, productivity, collaboration — just about everything.

You can bring that same kind of respect to your relationship with your new baby.

Yes, they’re very small. And completely dependent on you. But they’re a whole human person with feelings and thoughts of their own.

When you respect your child as an individual you’ll quickly notice how much of a difference it makes.

Not just on your relationship but also their sense of security and how they relate to the world.

Getting yourself emotionally ready can make the shift to motherhood less challenging.

So knowing you come to the task equipped with leadership skills makes you more prepared than you might have thought.

Being able to communicate effectively, delegate, and just be present aren’t easy to develop. Having these in your pocket will definitely make the shift a bit easier.

You’ll notice it in your interactions with other caregivers, doctors, your partner, and of course your little one!

Of course, balancing being a working mom is far from easy.

But knowing how to ask for help, handle complaints gracefully, and be assertive will help you handle any bumps in the road. And you can be reassured that those bumps won’t totally derail you, because you also know that mistakes and failure can only help you grow.

And as you grow you might still feel some doubts along the way. Whenever you do, remember how powerful some of the basics are.

What a great difference it makes, being committed to setting a good example and treating people with trust and respect.

And in time you’ll start to see your experiences in motherhood elevating your leadership abilities as well.

Which skills would you add to this list?