Know when to step away…
By: David Trask
Tags: Dads, Life Lessons, Social Media, Manliness, Fatherhood

Last night I got involved in a discussion on social media that went off the rails pretty quickly. The problem is…the original post was made by a family member.

Learning when enough is enough…

Social media does funny things to people. Some folks use social media to post the goings-on in their lives while others use it as a platform to perpetuate their cause. Some posts are well thought out and yet others are simply ridiculous. The difficult thing for some of us is learning when to walk away. I often find myself trying to have a civilized discussion with friends online, only to see the whole thing descend into chaos. Often it’s not the original author or poster who causes the problems, but rather the folks who feel they have the right to hijack a discussion thread and turn it into a three-ring circus.

My problem? Sometimes it’s difficult for me to simply “let it go”. In my “real” life, I often find myself trying to explain a particular point of view or showing someone why their view might not be entirely accurate. I’m often successful, but not always. I make it a point to listen to others and consider their side of the story. There have been many times that my mind has been changed, however, it’s usually because the other person has presented something that I hadn’t known or considered. That’s not often the case when I’m online.

Social media allows people of all types to become keyboard warriors. Sadly not everyone has the ability to engage in thoughtful and purposeful discussions while considering all points of view. I try, but I’m not perfect.

Last night was one of those “less than perfect times.” I allowed myself to get sucked in. I responded when I shouldn’t have. Chaos erupted from all sides. What started as a simple response to an inaccurate post turned into an all-out war of craziness. Things went off the rails pretty quickly and any attempt by me to bring things back on the topic ended up being futile.

As men, we need to recognize this. A real man will notice destructive behavior and reel it in before it gets out of hand. In my case, I calmly bowed out of the discussion and let my family member know that I still loved and respected them no matter what. It doesn’t do any good to stay in the fight and continue to be bludgeoned by ridiculousness from all sides. There is a short distance between frustrating chaos devolving into name-calling and personal attacks. The trick is to know where that line is. Ending your part in the destructive behavior is not an admission of defeat, but rather an indication of your strength of character. Choosing to preserve real-world relationships over social media chaos is a far better solution than getting mired in the quagmire that could ultimately lead to “real world” issues later on.

I remember my Dad would often give us a stern look and use the phrase, “Ok, that’s enough.” Strong men have a way of saying things with a “look” that lets everyone know that they mean business. It was not often spoken in anger, but simply a statement to let us know that we had approached the line and were in danger of crossing it. This simple lesson can be applied to so many things in our adult lives. It’s also very important to teach our own children that there is almost always a line, and there is usually a danger in crossing it. Help them to learn the difference and when to step back from the brink.

So how do you know when to step back? Learn to recognize the little voice in your head that’s saying, “This is going nowhere” or “ who will get hurt if I continue down this path?” Reflect back on your life and some of the situations where you might have had a falling out with a friend or family member. Was there a point where you might have been able to walk away or step back to avoid trouble? Can you recognize similar situations that occurred at different points in your life? How are they the same or different? Thoughtful reflection can teach us a lot. There were times earlier in my life and my career where I would charge into an online debate with a fire ‘n brimstone and a “damn the torpedoes” state of mind. I didn’t care who it was, I was going to bludgeon them with my version of the truth. Sometimes this didn’t end well. Feathers were ruffled and I found myself doing damage control more often than not. A couple of nasty encounters made me realize what I was doing and brought me back to those times when my Dad simply said, “Ok, that’s enough.”

I have grown as a man. My father’s voice has become my own voice just as mine is for my son. As he grows and matures as a man, that same voice will carry on. Instead of hearing me say, “Ok, that’s enough”, he’ll hear his own voice saying the same.

We all slip up once in a while or we go just a little further than we should have. In tomorrow’s post, I’ll share what my Dad taught me about making and keeping the peace.