8 tips to motivate young learners
By: Johns Hopkins Center For Talented Youth
Tags: Gifted And Talented, Education, Motivation, Learning, Gifted

By Maria Blackburn

Maybe your kid would rather nap than do their homework. Perhaps your child’s room is a disaster and though they promise daily to clean up, they never do. Or, let’s say, your youngest is more interested in playing Super Smash Bros. than doing just about anything else.

We all struggle to find motivation sometimes. But for many kids, even when we’re not in the midst of a global pandemic, finding the drive to do what they’re supposed to do is no easy task. And for parents, this can be maddening.

“People have been worried about undermotivation in children long before Covid-19 — it’s not a new thing,” said Michelle Muratori, Ph.D., a senior counselor at the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth. Parents can help kids overcome their lack of drive to do certain tasks, but first “they need to dig deeper and understand what’s going on in their child that makes them appear to have a lack of motivation so they can respond appropriately.”

Here’s her advice:

Ditch the labels. Go beyond unhelpful labels like unmotivated or lazy, and identify the behavior. “When a parent talks about their kid having a motivation issue, I always want to know what it looks like and feels like,” Muratori said. Are they sleeping too much? Always on their phone? “It’s helpful to put it in behavioral terms since everyone’s definition looks a little bit different.”

Consider underlying issues. Not all behaviors that look the same have the same underlying causes. For example, maybe all your child wants to do is play video games. Recognize that playing video games for hours may look passive to you, but may actually be a social activity for your child if they are playing online with friends. Or gaming may be self-soothing after a long day of class, Muratori said. In other cases, excessive gaming could be a sign that they are slipping into a depression or feeling lonely or anxious, and may need help.

Know that it’s not an easy time to be a kid. “Kids are going through a lot right now,” Muratori said. Many aren’t going to school in person or engaging in regular extracurricular activities, and that lack of structure or new schedule may be taking its toll. Plus, not spending time with friends in the way they used to do is challenging and can cause them to act in ways they don’t usually act, like sleeping a lot. “Kids’ routines have been upended,” she said. “Many have experienced a a lack of predictability. That can be anxiety provoking and destabilizing.”

Recognize that bright kids may face extra challenges. “Gifted kids tend to be perceptive and process information deeply,” she said. “With all of the traumatizing things happening in the world and in politics, can you really blame some kids for thinking, ‘Why even try?’” Muratori added that if your child tends to be a perfectionist and has a strong need for control, this is an especially trying time because things are far from perfect or stable right now. “It may be understandable that a child is feeling discouraged and weighed down, and although you shouldn’t let them wallow in despair, you may need to give them some grace.”

Be an active listener. “It’s important to listen to your child and validate their feelings and have some empathy and compassion toward them,” Muratori said. Without being judgmental, parents can point out what behavior they’re noticing and have a conversation with their child about it. Be an active listener. “Really hear them out, without being defensive or interrupting,” Muratori said. “Sometimes it can go a long way for a child to say, ‘Look I am really struggling here.’ Or, ‘I hate that I can’t see my friends.’ Or, ‘I’m so angry that we’re in this situation.’”

Help create solutions. “Once a child feels heard, they might be more open to what the parent has to say,” Muratori said. “Maybe they need your help.” For example, if your child is repeatedly oversleeping through the start of school, they may need help creating more structure around bedtime so they get enough sleep or could use a new wake-up routine to make sure they meet their morning commitments. Or if they are gaming or online too much because they say they don’t have anything else to do, help them create a daily schedule that leaves some time for video games, as well as other activities. “Kids need to be collaborators in this process,” she said. “We all need to have some sense of control over our lives.”

Watch for signs of distress. Many therapists report that they are extremely busy right now. “A lot of people are in distress right now, not just adults, but kids,” Muratori said. Parents need to be on the lookout for signs of anxiety or depression in their children and talk to them about what they’re seeing. Don’t be afraid to seek a professional’s expertise. If you don’t know where to start, ask your pediatrician.

Don’t forget the joy. Building resilience in kids that helps them get through difficult times is important. One way parents can help kids manage their stress is to make a concerted effort to bring joy into their lives. Everybody needs joy, Muratori said. “Maybe parents fear that their child won’t know the limits to doing what makes them happy, but if you negotiate some ground rules that work for everyone, you’ll be on the right track.”