Are You a Boomer? Take this Quiz to Find Out!
By: Jessica Wildfire
Tags: Politics, Satire, Culture, Humor, Equality

Are You a Boomer? Take this Quiz to Find Out!

It’s all about attitude, not age.

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

There you were —offering your cousin a little advice at the family reunion. And then, bam, they muttered something under their breath and walked off. It sounded like “Okay, Boomer…”

Or maybe you were out having a nice dinner somewhere, and you complimented the waitress on her hair. You asked her to smile, and she said the same thing after rolling her eyes.

Okay, Boomer…

Ugh. But that can’t be right. You’re only 29.

So you’ve been asking around, and you’re starting to realize. The term “Boomer” seems to refer to a mindset, not an age group.

Now you’re really worried. Are you one, after all? Lucky for you, there’s a short quiz you can take to find out for sure.

Let’s get started…

1. Have you ever thrown trash out of a motor vehicle while driving?

A) Never.

B) Do cigarette butts count?

C) Sometimes, but I feel guilty about it.

D) If I want to throw Arby’s wrappers and soda cans over a bridge, into the cascading river, that’s my right as an American.

2. A friend mentions your privilege. What do you do?

A) Have a mature conversation about it.

B) Acknowledge that although you’ve worked hard, maybe you have enjoyed some hidden advantages.

C) Ask how you can pay it forward.

D) Tell them they have no idea what it’s like to be you, managing that $6 million, interest-free loan from your parents. After all, you still have to pay it back, even if your Bobblehead accessory idea doesn’t pan out. Squeeze a single tear from your eye.

3. Do you make an effort to tip your baristas and servers at least 20 percent?

A) Yes.

B) Yeah, but I want credit for being a good person — which is why I post a selfie of me tipping every time I do it.

C) Sure, why not? I mean, I’m usually in a good mood. It makes me feel like a better human being for five minutes.

D) Maybe, but only if they smile 11 times and ask me how I’m doing. It helps if they sing me a song, or remind me of an old girlfriend.

4. Do you talk in movie theaters?

A) Never.

B) Only on my phone.

C) It’s okay if you’re whispering, because nobody else can hear you.

D) Yes. And if you don’t like it, then you can wait until The Joker comes out on DVD. You’re such an entitled millennial.

5. People are poor because…

A) Wages haven’t kept pace with economic growth.

B) They don’t have full-time jobs or health insurance, and medical expenses have driven them into debt.

C) They lack the skills to thrive in today’s gig economy.

D) They spent all their money on Netflix. I also bet they have a working phone made in the last ten years, and eat vegetables they can’t afford.

6. Someone might not own a house because…

A) They have no expendable income. What they’d normally save up for a down payment goes toward student loan debt.

B) There’s no affordable housing in their city.

C) They just love apartment living so much…

D) They’re too busy having sex. Everyone knows once you buy a house, the sex stops and the yard work begins.

7. The U.S. birthrate is declining because…

A) Just giving birth now can cost $10,000 out of pocket.

B) Most families now can’t survive financially unless both spouses work, and they can’t afford daycare.

C) Younger people halfway expect civilization to collapse within their lifetimes, and they don’t want their kid to turn into Mad Max.

D) Everyone’s having sex all the time, on government-funded birth control. I can’t believe my tax money supports this.

8. Why are public high schools and colleges in crisis?

A) Teachers aren’t paid a competitive salary.

B) There’s too much testing, and not enough emphasis on creativity.

C) State funding for education has shriveled to almost nothing, driving up tuition and inflating student debt.

D) Ask McDonald’s if they’ll pay for your college education. That’s what I did 20 years ago, and I’m fine.

9. Women still make less than men because…

A) Americans undervalue women’s contributions to the workplace.

B) Most companies still operate on a hierarchical logic that pays workers as little as possible, and puts the responsibility of a fair salary on employees to “demand” and “negotiate” their worth.

C) Lots of women do tend to take more time off work than their male counterparts, but that’s because their spouses don’t do their fair share of housekeeping and childcare.

D) This is just a conspiracy by women to take over the world. I can’t really explain it, but they’re up to something…

10. Someone you know tells you they were harassed or assaulted. What should you do?

A) Ask what you can do to help.

B) Tell them they’re “so strong,” even if you’re not sure what that means.

C) Freak out, because you’ve never dealt with this before.

D) Ask them what they were wearing — and what they were doing in that part of town, or by themselves. If they don’t give you the right answers, then it’s really their fault, or they’re lying.

11. Should billionaires and corporations pay more taxes?

A) Yes. They benefit from public services like we do.

B) Yes. Right now, they pay almost nothing.

C) Maybe. I’m conflicted. Don’t lower taxes boost the economy? That’s what I’ve always heard.

D) I’m fine with pretty much anything, as long as I don’t have to pay more money for it— especially sick people, or birth control.

12. What do you think about guns?

A) We need a smarter set of policies.

B) We need stronger background checks.

C) We need to take a variety of approaches, including regulation.

D) This wouldn’t be a problem if everyone were more like Clint Eastwood. That’s what I think.

13. What do you think is the biggest threat to the world right now?

A) Climate change.

B) Economic injustice.

C) Toxic masculinity.

D) Anything I’m scared of and/or don’t fully understand. This includes feminism and Hispanics.

Here’s your answer key…

Maybe you noticed that answers A through C show at least some degree of self-awareness. That means you’re relatively well-informed on political issues. You live in the real world.

If you answered D, then guess what? You’re a boomer! Even if you’re only 25 years old! Even if you look great in a cashmere sweater! Don’t take this personally, but you’re kind of what’s wrong with everything. It’s not feminism, immigrants, millennials, or avocado toast.

It’s pretty much you.

You’re treating the planet like a Big Mac, whose wrapper you can crumple up and toss when you’re done. You think every problem can be solved with a magnum and a little Dirty Harry bravado. But most importantly, you only care about problems when they affect you directly.

But cheer up, if you answered D — there’s still hope. We’ll help you pull your head out of your butt, if you’ll give us a chance.