Men Who Won’t Wear Masks Are Dopes
By: John Devore
Tags: Politics, Masculinity, Men, Coronavirus, Pride

Photo: HBO

Men Who Won’t Wear Masks Are Dopes

These freedom fighters are defending their right to spread COVID-19

The Centers for Disease Control recommends wearing cloth face coverings in order to slow the spread of COVID-19. It’s a simple, proven, strategy: the only way to protect your loved ones — and neighbors — from a highly contagious and potentially fatal infectious disease is to wear a face mask.

I don’t like masks although I’ve learned how to wear them so my glasses don’t fog up. I wear face masks in public because it’s the smart thing to do. I do not believe the severity or duration of the pandemic can be lessened or shortened with a defiant “fuck you” teenage attitude. I wish I could visit my family or eat at Red Lobster or just hang out with friends. But I can’t and no amount of complaining changes that.

I wish this virus hadn’t happened. But it did and it must be dealt with. The reason Americans should self-quarantine, social distance, and wear masks is that these strategies work.

And yet, because we live during an age of vanity and tribalism, there are people who refuse to do what it is best for their community. These people are, mostly, men. What’s up, fellas.

It has come to my attention there are big strong men who think wearing cloth masks during a pandemic is a sign of conformity and weakness. They won’t be told what to do by fancy scientists and uppity doctors. These are probably the same geniuses protesting emergency stay-at-home orders. It’s just a hunch. You’ve seen the pictures of these maniacs: well-fed show-offs wearing expensive camouflage and posing with decorative semi-automatic rifles all while standing up to local governments scrambling to save lives.

Why are these self-appointed freedom fighters — many of them masked — really marching on state capitols? Because they’re good boys who do what they’re told by conservative politicians who want the country to return to a normal that’s never coming back, at least not anytime soon.

I know for a fact that submicroscopic infectious agents are not political. There is no such thing as a Democratic or Republican virus. To think otherwise is madness. I also know the economy will not recover if people are afraid of another outbreak. Do you know how to guarantee another outbreak? Ignore CDC guidelines. Confuse tyranny with common sense. Go shopping without a mask.

Yesterday, Republican Senators refused to wear masks during a hearing where Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert, told them that abandoning the strategies that have slowed the virus prematurely would result in needless “suffering and death.” I wrote that these no-mask fanatics are mostly men, but I’d like to point out Republican Senator Susan Collins from Maine is a woman. Gender is a construct and all humans can be selfish ding-dongs. These GOP Senators knew they’d be on TV and they were just following orders too.

Those orders were coming from the President of the United States, who refuses to wear a mask despite his personal valet testing positive for coronavirus. Even the Vice President’s press secretary and wife of Trump senior advisor Stephen Miller — tested positive. The White House is slowly becoming a fever clinic.

I don’t know if the president thinks refusing to wear a mask is manly. I know some dudes think working while sick is a feat of strength. I have a friend who once proudly superglued a wound shut because he didn’t want to go to the ER. When I told him it was rational to fear the emergency room he got defensive: he wasn’t afraid of the emergency room. Only wusses go to doctors, was the gist.

The president’s anti-mask strategy could also be grounded in good old fashioned ignorance. The man may just not know how viruses work. During a recent meeting with maskless Republicans, the President said of Katie Miller, Mike Pence’s press person: “She tested very good for a long period of time. And then all of the sudden today she tested positive.” Yes, Mr. President. That’s how it works. One day you are well, then you get sick.

There are times I wonder if Donald Trump — -a former bimbo playboy forced to work for the first time in his life — thinks he’s the star of a Twilight Zone episode about a game show host trapped in the game show he hosts. Naw. That would require self-awareness.