The Best Sex I Ever Had Almost Destroyed Me — So Why Was it So Good?
By: Michelle Brown
Tags: Relationships, Life Lessons, Love, Sex, Sexuality

The Best Sex I Ever Had Almost Destroyed Me — So Why Was it So Good?

I was like an addict.

I was like an addict.

It can be difficult to determine why it is we’re physically attracted to a certain person so intensely.

Is it the way they look? Their smell? The pheromones?

Whatever the formula is for an insanely strong sexual attraction — I definitely experienced it during one of the unhealthiest relationships I ever had.

The relationship was destructive and dysfunctional at best. But for many years I couldn’t break free — wouldn’t break free. The hypnotizing haze of sexual attraction blinded me to everything, including my own common sense.

Not only was the sex great, but it was happening often, like several times a day. I was like an addict and having sex with this person was the only thing I could think about when we weren’t having it.

Now that I’m older, I think back to this time in my life and physically shudder when the flashbacks of my past sexual escapades with this person wash over me.

Now that I’m a wife and mother living in suburbia, it’s pretty hard to imagine how I even had the energy for all of those sexathons. But then — it was a different time and a different place.

How is it that we can be so physically attracted to someone who isn’t even a good match for us personality-wise? I don’t think I had a single thing in common with this particular lover besides maybe some music preferences and the fact that we both wanted to have sex with each other all the time.

I’ve often thought that this intense sexual attraction I experienced could have been a result of Androsterone. Androsterone is a pheromone that makes men sexually appeal to women even if they aren’t particularly attractive. Only 10% of the male population secretes an abundant amount of this pheromone, and these men are considered the sexiest or desirable in the population.

Could that explain it?

Could that explain how I was so physically enamored by this one human being that I gave them years of my life — days, hours, minutes of my time, energy, and ultimately my sanity?

It’s possible.

Unfortunately, those of us who have experienced this kind of animal attraction to another human being usually don’t know why it’s happening and it tends to hit like a freight train.

Before you know it, you’re calling in sick to work, brushing off your friends, or even making incredibly risky choices just to spend one more minute being physically close to this person. Their scent is often intoxicating and the sparks that fly upon contact with them are unlike anything else.

It can be a wondrous experience. But it can also be a dangerous one.

Quite often we mistake lust for love, sex for care, and intoxicating sexual chemistry can be misleading. It can be difficult to separate what’s healthy from what’s exciting.

The best sex of my life lives in that bubble of the past within the confines of a relationship that broke my heart into sad pieces of misery and disappointment.

The physical pleasure of connecting sexually with another person despite not having an emotional connection isn’t always worth the pain and suffering it can ultimately cause. Saying that it was the best sex of my life doesn’t mean much when it didn’t come with a partner who was compassionate, empathetic, or even mindful of my personal welfare as a human being.

Sometimes we connect with someone on a physical and animalistic level. Sometimes we just don’t know why.

Mind-blowing sex is fabulous — YES. Mysterious magical chemistry is tantalizing — TRULY. But the humanity of a real relationship where two partners care for and respect one another is ultimately the better choice for one’s mental health and emotional wellness. Take it from me.

More from Michelle: How Morning Sex is Changing My Marriage