I’ve always wanted to be the cool aunt…
By: Jessica Lyn
Tags: Sterilization, Reproductive Rights, Womens Health, Reproductive Health, Childfree

You know, the coooooool aunt. The one who got you the best presents growing up. The quirky one with all the stories of the places she’s been, the people she’s met, and the things she’s done. She wears too much purple and always smells like jasmine. When she comes to town you know she’ll take you to do cool stuff. She’ll buy you the clothes your parents won’t. She’ll take you for food with names you can’t pronounce. You may have even smoked your first joint with her. She’ll be called a ‘spinster’ later on in life if current dating trends prevail.

That aunt, she’s me, and as far as I’m concerned it’s pretty damn awesome.

As long as I’ve had a sense of self in this matter (early teens), I’ve known I don’t want kids. It’s not that I don’t like kids — I have a very deep and strong maternal drive (I nanny 2 kids, do mentoring and tutoring)… but I’ve never seen them on my path for myself. There’s an array of reasons: moral (the world is going to shit and I couldn’t put facing impending doom on my child’s shoulders), financial (who has money these days anyway?), selfish (I like my time and freedom and travel a lot and don’t plan on changing any of that).

But mostly, for me, is that the maternal instinct that I have is sacred (cue the raised eyebrows). I’m a caregiver by nature (big Cancer energy, or so I’m told). I thrive on caring for adults and children alike. I find great fulfillment in helping others and volunteer accordingly. I was overjoyed to be approved to be a Big Sister this year. I look forward to a new mentorship experience that allows me the opportunity to impact a child’s life in a long term manner, not just a school year, and see the growth over a number of years.

And, most importantly, I find one of my greatest joys in life is watching children question and grow in the world around them and I absolutely love being a part of that process. I’ve considered for a long time shifting career paths to be a doula, or an elementary school teacher. Or a pediatric occupational therapist. I mean, seriously… get paid to play with kids? Now we’re talking.

I’ve been nannying 2 kids (7 and 4) for the last 4 years that I absolutely adore. I get to teach them stuff, answer their questions, and watch them grow. We go on adventures, learn the science behind pizza, and even do DJ lessons at my house sometimes. The older one loves techno and frequently requests my mixes. Needless to say, they’re pretty awesome.

Now you’re probably thinking ‘oh boy, she is going to regret this decision’ — but trust, I won’t. I get it. I just waxed poetic about how much I love kids, I’d be confused too.

I need to be in control of how this maternal energy is spent and utilized. I’m not a neverending tap, and I put this energy into places it’s needed most in ways that matter to me. But then I’m able to separate from that and recharge for myself. By myself. Having children I fear would deplete me of this magic I cherish.

A common counter-argument has always been ‘well, what if you meet the right person?’. Well — I’m up front, early on, when starting a new relationship about this intention. I’ve never lead anyone to believe otherwise from me. Whenever I think about the outcome to that question, it never feels good. That it would come from the result of undue pressure on me, that my hand would be forced in some way — especially because I explicitly state my stance as such. But maybe I’m wrong and that would happen someday — and if it does, adoption is the only route I’d take regardless if I ever were to become a parent (I’m not opposed to being a step-parent either).

I don’t have to worry about the ‘but give me grandchildren’ issue at least. My parents have always known this about me, and have never once brought it up to me. And in the last few years, my brother has started staffing the grandkid department. I have an amazing nephew, and a niece coming next month! I’ll be their cool aunt, and to any others either of my siblings grace our family with in the future.

It gets TMI for a bit here, folks. Ye be warned. If you don’t want to read it — scroll until you see the second set of dots.