This Book Made Me Feel Hopeful in a Way the Quran Never Did
By: Rebeca Ansar
Tags: Personal Growth, Women, Feminism, Self, Books

This book is relevant to my experiences as a woman.

When I first held Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center by bell hooks in my hands, I did what I always do.

I cracked open the copy and smelled it. I love the scent of crisp pages.

Then, I sat down and began reading. Frankly, I couldn’t wait to start consuming the content. I have a habit of skipping the acknowledgments and the preface of most books I read, but with this one, I wanted to learn everything the author had to say.

The first few pages were so poignant and meaningful that I stopped to reflect. It was already an emotional experience, and I hadn’t even made much headway.

I could already see myself re-reading passages, filling the margins with annotations, and highlighting ideas that stood out to me. I would take ample notes in the process of gaining more knowledge. This was a book I could interact with.

It held promise and hope.

I saw my religious education as a tedious process that I would one day escape.

I had an active Muslim upbringing.

For most of my life, religious teachers and family members tried to instill the same excitement in me for the Quran. As a child, I went to an Islamic school, or madrasa, in addition to regular school. I was also home-schooled in the Quran. I was sent to Sunday school to study with a scholar. I even attended a Muslim summer camp.

I was deeply entrenched in the religion.

None of it worked. Instead of developing a passion for Islamic principles, I saw my religious education as a tedious process that I would one day escape. The readings were not relevant to me.

Frankly, as I get older, I am angered by how much of my valuable time was wasted by people trying to indoctrinate me.

One of the first indicators to me that Islam (and generally organized religion for that matter) was incompatible with my life was the way in which it brazenly supported the oppression of women. This oppression is implemented not just by the extremists toting weapons on news channels but also by people who would be called moderate Muslims.

The Quran does not speak to women. It speaks to men about what to do with women.

Unlike the Quran, Feminist Theory would give me tools to think about the world and my place in it. This book would not invalidate my experiences of oppression. Instead, it would help me better understand them.

I knew that after I finished reading it, I would be better equipped to challenge the thoughts that work against me and other women.

I felt my heart fill to the brim.

I have been starving for the autonomy of thought, but this too requires learning.

Of course, I am afraid to write this article.

Speaking out against organized religion and specifically doing that as a woman who disagrees with the messages of Islam takes a lot of courage.

I have been hesitant to write about my fraught relationship with Islam for four main reasons.

I was concerned about being ostracized by my family for my beliefs. I have begun to find my peace with that. I am concerned about my actual physical safety because being a vocal religious dissenter is dangerous. I do not want my work to be convoluted and misused by right-wing extremists to justify their hatred and bigotry. I know that self-declared liberal White people become deeply uncomfortable when someone tells them that their “progressive” beliefs are uninformed.

It is fascinating to me that my anxiety arises in part because of the individuals who perform a self-gratifying form of acceptance without concerning themselves about the details of what it is they are accepting.