Narcissists, Trolls, and Penises
By: Carol Lennox
Tags: Writing Life, Humor, Culture, Narcissism, Society

HUMOR

Narcissists, Trolls, and Penises

Do they have things in common?

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash

To start with, two of these are the subjects of my most popular stories on Medium. The other most popular ones are about vaginas and my son. Not necessarily in that order.

He would be appalled to be mentioned in the same sentence as the word “vagina,” written by his mother. Even though he has a YouTube video as Moonlair360, where he makes fun of “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” with “Brotherhood of the Traveling Pocket P****.” The apple doesn’t fall far from the forbidden tree.

But I digress. My most popular story, “Why Isn’t a Used Penis a Thing,” doesn’t mention trolls or narcissism at all. However, research shows most trolls are men. Misogynistic men, similar to the ones who decided a used vagina is a bad thing, while a used penis isn’t (read the story, linked below, for more on that).

Not all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are men, #notallnarcissists, nor become trolls. But most trolls, again indicated by research, have narcissistic traits. Actually, malignant narcissistic traits, as in sociopathy. Along with Machiavellianism, which includes manipulation. Troll =narcissism, sociopathy, and Machiavellianism, or what’s known as the “Dark Triad.” That sounds like a Dungeons and Dragons reference, so it’s highly appropriate for trolls. (Young people, there are trolls in Dungeons and Dragons, right)?

Low agreeableness is the strongest predictor of someone having the dark triad of narcissism, sociopathy and machiavellianism. Who does low agreeableness remind you of? Besides your argumentative uncle or your office manager?(Hint: trolls).

As we all know, not every penis, or man who possesses one, or transwoman who kept hers, is bad — #noteverypenis. I’ve personally known quite a few penises, and the people to whom they’re attached, who were perfectly nice. Used or not. Although I’m rather fond of the used ones, if they are also nice.

Nice is not an adjective we can ascribe to either trolls or many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder — #notallnarcissists. I have yet to read comments by a troll that could come anywhere close to being nice. Personally, I consider myself lucky if their comment doesn’t contain a death threat. Which leads us back to malignant narcissism and Machiavellianism.

Except trolls only wish they could manipulate or control others like a narcissist can. Trolls are limited to the response they hope to get from the people they are acting upon. Sort of like, now that I think of it, a penis.

With penises, when you want to encourage one to continue what it’s doing, you provide feedback. That usually works out in your favor. But with trolls, the opposite is true. If you provide feedback to a troll, in hopes of correcting their behavior for instance, you are simply providing them with the negative feedback they crave — #alltrolls.

In that sense, penises and trolls have nothing in common. The person to whom the penis is attached, if they are a good person, only wants positive or directive feedback. Trolls only want your negative reaction, and if you try to guide them, they only get worse and more abusive.

Maybe it is only narcissists and trolls that have something in common. Except, #notallnarcissists. Only malignant or sociopathic narcissists, aka. sadists, want negative reactions as payoff. Otherwise, they want to charm your pants off. Or seduce you to follow them without question .

Regular garden variety narcissists, not garden gnomes/trolls, want your positive attention. They don’t hide. They want you to know who they are. Whereas, if you attempt to ferret out a troll’s identity, you will find yourself lost in a maze. Sort of like looking for a gnome/troll in an overgrown garden.

What is the moral here, or more than one moral? I’m glad you asked.

First, if you’re a writer, write about narcissism, penises, and vaginas. Although, it probably helps that I’m a sex positive psychotherapist. Trolls, not so much. Perhaps I’m lucky that they haven’t discovered my writing about them, although that would certainly boost my view rate if they did. Probably not my read rate though, since they usually only read the headlines.

Second, #noteverypenis, and #notallnarcissists are trolls. Trolls may possess one or both of those things — penises and narcissism — but they also possess sadism and need negative feedback.

Third, trolls are as scary as they seem. Hiding in their parents’ basement and scrolling for people to insult and threaten doesn’t make them less dangerous, it makes them more so. So, ignore them. Block them. Don’t read their comments. In “short”, don’t feed them. Read about penises instead.