We’re Introverts. We Don’t Need Fixing.
By: Mollie Gray
Tags: Teaching, Personality, Self, Teachers, Education

We’re Introverts. We Don’t Need Fixing.

Why teachers must stop trying to change the quiet kids.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

If I had a dollar for every time a teacher told me to “come out of my shell,” I’d be a millionaire. A millionaire turtle. Because I like my shell, thanks.

My introversion was treated like a disease teachers had to fix. My teachers probably had a bet for who could cure me first. You all lost.

I didn’t stop being an introvert. This introverted caterpillar didn’t magically turn into a social butterfly. Why? Introversion is my personality style.

There’s nothing wrong with introverts. We don’t need saving.

Introversion isn’t a sickness anyone needs to remedy. It’s not like the plague or leprosy. My skin won’t fall off if I don’t “talk more.”

Introverts make up at least 16 percent of the population. Some estimates go up to 50 percent. Imagine thinking one in two people are defective.

Teachers must stop planning interventions for introverted kids. Stop trying to change children’s personalities. Stop trying to fit students in the same mold.

It hurts.

From PreK-16, I was made to feel guilty for simply being myself. Constant attempts to change me killed my confidence. I internalized every criticism. I agonized over teachers’ unfair remarks. I started believing I was broken.

It’s taken seven years since my graduation to realize otherwise. Introversion isn’t my character flaw; it’s a strength. Being an introvert is my superpower. I found success despite (thanks to?) my introversion. Every kid can too.

Today, I’m ready to stand up for my many fellow introverts.

Each child (and adult) doesn’t need an identical personality. Where would be the fun in that? Our differences should be celebrated rather than scrutinized. Introverts don’t judge extroverts; please stop doing the opposite.

I urge educators to reflect on their teaching practices. Teachers are there to build children’s self-esteem, not tear it down. Bubbly, outgoing educators need to double-check they’re not trying to turn quiet kids into themselves.

Here’s a few examples of why teachers don’t need to fix introverts.

1. Introverts Know Their Shit

Excuse my French, but it needed to be said. Introverts aren’t unintelligent. We’re not staying quiet because we’re dumb. We’re likely deep in thought. We’re taking time to process information before opening our mouths.

Without fail, every report card I received had this four-word phrase — “Needs to participate more.”

I was penalized for being an introvert. It didn’t matter that I earned straight As. It didn’t matter that I never missed a homework assignment. I learned each subject inside and out. I understood the content and aced tests.

I won my class’s spelling bee. I wrote top-quality papers teachers wanted to publish. I kicked the science fair’s butt. I mastered useless math problems.

Why was I still not good enough?

In 12th grade, I had my worst education experience. My AP European History teacher hated my introversion. Unlike me, she wasn’t shy about telling me. She endeavored to fix me in our nine months together. It was her Crusade.

During every class discussion, she’d call me out in front of my peers. She’d ask if I had more to say. She’d question whether I read the chapters. Lady, news flash: I read every word. I was planning how to meaningfully respond.

She made me feel small and stupid anyway.

One afternoon in April, the teacher was particularly nasty. She made me stay late after class. My wide-eyed classmates gaped at me like I was about to get spanked. I did get spanked verbally. She slapped me with the following insult.

“You’ll never make it in college.”

Her words stabbed me in the heart like a dagger. I ran to the bathroom and cried in a locked stall. I felt bullied. Bullying from a teacher hurt way more.

Turns out, my teacher didn’t know shit. I more than made it; I crushed college. I was accepted at my dream school. Not to brag, but I graduated magna cum laude with a 3.85 GPA. Two honor societies inducted me.

I even earned college credits for her AP European History course. Ha.

Teacher tip: Don’t pressure kids to contribute to each conversation. Introverts don’t need to talk to learn. Forcing students to speak doesn’t solve anything. Let introverts find ways to engage on their own. They’ll discover their voice.

2. Introverts Aren’t Always Lonely

I was the little girl with glasses tucked in a corner reading. I’d twirl my curly, brown pigtails while devouring books like chocolate cake. I’d cover my ears to get some peace and quiet from the screaming monsters running around me.

Indeed, I was alone. But I wasn’t lonely. There’s a big difference.

Teachers always looked at me with pity. Teachers thought I was sad and depressed. I could almost hear their brains thinking “Aww, poor Mollie.” Everyone assumed I wanted to change. Nobody stopped to ask me how I felt.

If teachers had bothered to ask, they’d find out I wasn’t unhappy. I loved working independently. I found solace in the quiet time. I preferred reading and writing than talking. I didn’t feel uncomfortable in my own company.

Yet being an introvert wasn’t acceptable. Teachers needed to change it stat.

You can probably guess where this is going — the dreaded group projects. My teachers tried endlessly to sic students on me under the guise of group work. I’m positive they thought of fixing Mollie when writing their group lessons.

In eighth grade, I experienced a real group project doozy. My biology teacher created a disturbing lab project. We had to dissect the rodent bones out of owl pellets. Yes, the fur balls that owls vomit after eating rats. Super fun.

Alas, I jumped into the task with tweezers in my gloved hand. My two assigned project partners weren’t so keen. The one mimicked the owl and almost vomited. The other goofed off making boner shapes out of the bones.

I did at least 80 percent of the work. I got nothing from this (or any) group project. Meanwhile, other students got an A they didn’t deserve. Group work was the bane of my academic existence.

The horror didn’t stop there. Teachers also tried to set me up with friends. Arranging blind play dates became their jam. I endured more meet-and-greets than a shelter dog. Teachers pushed peers on me to cure my “loneliness.”

In elementary school, I had two close friends. By high school, I had four. That was enough for me. I’d rather have a few great friends than 20 so-so ones. I didn’t want to become Miss Popular. I was content in my small social circle.

I engaged socially on my own terms. I tutored younger kids in my after-school program. I took piano lessons and sang with the chorus. I attempted to play tennis (badly). These experiences mattered more because I chose them.

Teacher tip: Only interfere in children’s social interactions when there is bullying. Friendships can’t be forced. Don’t assume introverted kids want or need more friends. If you’re concerned, ask the child about their feelings.

3. Introverts Don’t Have to Be Public Speakers

First of all, communication is important. Speaking and writing skills are critical. Extroverts, introverts, and everybody in-between must be able to express themselves. There’s no argument there.

But how did presentations become the method for evaluating a student’s communication abilities? How does standing in front of 20+ judgmental teens compare to having a conversation?

I must’ve given hundreds of presentations in my academic career. In the seven years since, I haven’t given one. Public speaking isn’t a requisite for most careers. Few people ever need to command a captive audience.

Introverts generally don’t want the spotlight. And that’s okay.

I get exhausted just being around a crowd. During presentations, I was a hot mess. I shook like a spinning washing machine. I sweated like a roasted rotisserie pig. Did I survive? Barely. Did my blood pressure spike? Definitely.

Looking back, I’m unsure what all of the stress was for. What did I learn? How to prevent armpit stains? That’s about it. Public speaking exercises only made me self-conscious about my introversion. I felt inept and lacking.

Presentations didn’t give teachers confidence in me either.

During my senior year, my AP Spanish teacher had us read Ricitos de Oro (Goldilocks). We intended to perform the play for a bilingual preschool program. Every girl wanted to snag the lead role of Goldilocks.

I was among them. As an aspiring teacher, I was excited to see the kiddos. I don’t have an ounce of anxiety around tiny humans. I thought it would be my time to finally shine. Guess again.

The teacher didn’t pick me. Even worse, she said I was “not right for the part” before I auditioned. She stuck me in a non-speaking role where I supposedly belonged. I watched the beautiful, blonde-haired Goldilocks forget her lines.

Introverts don’t have to be public speakers. But don’t underestimate introverts when they want to be. Introversion doesn’t have to confine or define us. Let introverts choose when and how to speak up.

Teacher tip: Offer students options for proving their content mastery. Allow children to customize assignments to their personality. Nobody is good at everything. Embrace diverse learning styles in your class for true inclusion.

Introverted vs. Antisocial

Teachers frequently called me the A-word. By that, I mean “antisocial.” Misuse of this term for introverts must end.

Antisocial personality disorder is a serious mental illness. ASPD causes a blatant disregard for other people’s well-being. Antisocial people don’t care about society’s laws or lives. Many are violent without a moment of guilt.

I’m no Hannibal Lecter. I pinky promise.

Introverts won’t talk your ear off, but they won’t cut it off either. Most introverts are kind, empathetic beings. We like other people (in moderation). We don’t wish anyone harm. Introverts are socially withdrawn, not antisocial.

Labeling introverts as “antisocial” perpetuates the idea that they need fixing.

Introverts aren’t ill, period.