The Perils of “Follow Your Heart”
By: Jason Park
Tags: Christianity, Religion And Spirituality, Books, Self Improvement, Reading

The Perils of “Follow Your Heart”

A review of Trevin Wax’s new book, *Rethink Your Self*

Think back to your high school graduation. What were the major messages there? “You can be anything you want to be!” “Stay true to yourself!” The *Oh, the Places You’ll Go!* message. If it was anything more substantial than that, you can count yourself blessed. As Trevin Wax mentions in his new book, Rethink Your Self, the message of the ceremony behind high school graduations might be the epitome of individualistic American culture, pushing the narrative of “You do you” to its limit. Wax calls this cultural ritual, “looking in”, which is so true of all aspects of our society. We are told to “look in” to see who we are, what we should do, how we should act. And no one else is to question our definition of ourselves, because they don’t have the authority to tell us we are doing anything wrong.

Trevin Wax skillfully broadens his audience in Rethink Your Self to include anyone who may have been let down by this self-reliant and self-focused culture. Later, he directs the reader to a biblical structure where one “looks up” before “looking in”: look to God for your purpose and identity, then let that shape your life. I loved that Wax chose to write to such an audience, because it is highly effective, and I pray that B&H Publishing can get this book in the hands of non-Christians who desperately need God and His purpose for their lives.

As I kept reading, however, I began to see that many in the church need this book as well. “Self-help” books have dominated the Christian book publishing industry for years, and these books specialize in the “look in” approach, then make sure to tell you to “look up” to get divine approval for your life plans. Don’t believe me? I’ll look up the best-selling Christian books of the last 5 years.

(Real-time internet search afoot.)

2019 — Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis

2018 — Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis

2017 — The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman

2016 — The Magnolia Story, Chip, and Joanna Gaines

2015 — Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

OK, that took longer than I thought, mainly because the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association (ECPA) website is not that great and doesn’t allow you to change the year on the bestseller list. Despite the trouble, I think this list is accurate. And let me start by saying I have nothing against a couple of these books. I think The 5 Love Languages is a helpful framework for couples as long as it is kept in perspective. And The Magnolia Story is perfectly good and should not be included as a “look in”-focused book. The other three absolutely are self-focused. The 5 Love Languages, even as I said I think it’s pretty helpful, is absolutely a “look in” book: learn more about yourself to better your life. I mean, in this case, it’s so that your partner can know about you, but only sometimes does it point up to how God sees you and defines you. Girl, Wash Your Face is the peak of self-focused Christian fare, and I have many more thoughts that I’ll keep to myself. And Jesus Calling, despite the title, focuses on one’s individual life and definitions, relying too much on personal revelation and not nearly enough on biblical revelation. It’s “look in” masquerading as “look up”.

But there is one more book that has not been the top seller in any year, but it has been in among the top sellers for a few years in a row, has had an even bigger influence on Christian culture than its bestselling status implies, and it encapsulates the “look in” approach to self-discovery: Ian Morgan Cron’s The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. I have not read The Road Back to You, but I do know a lot about the Enneagram and have some second-hand knowledge of the themes of the book. The book description itself is helpful in gleaning its views:

What you don’t know about yourself can hurt you and your relationships — and even keep you in the shallows with God. Do you want help figuring out who you are and why you’re stuck in the same ruts? The Enneagram is an ancient personality typing system with an uncanny accuracy in describing how human beings are wired, both positively and negatively.

The message is simple, and it tracks with American culture: “look in” to learn who you are, then you can more easily “look up”.

Trevin Wax never mentions the Enneagram in his book, and I may be misrepresenting his views here. And, let me be clear, I don’t think the Enneagram by itself is a bad thing. (As a student and teacher of psychology, I have serious doubts about all personality tests. Not all psychologists would agree with my criticisms of them, but a lot would.) I think that if you are using the Enneagram to learn more about your personality and trying to improve where that may be causing you to fall short of God’s design, it can be useful. But there is something that people miss with all personality tests: they are based on your answers and your attempts to define yourself. What if you are wrong about who you are?

Wax is clear that God defines us, shapes us, guides us, and redeems us. He changes our desires into His desires. Wax writes:

What does the “look up” approach say about our desires? Here is where the project of rethinking our selves becomes challenging. Our hearts are full of conflicting desires, which is why the notion that you should just “follow your heart” doesn’t make sense. But the Bible doesn’t say we should never follow our hearts or pursue our desires; in fact, one of the psalms says that when we find out delight and joy in God, he will give us the desires of our heart. But notice how that promise connects delight and desire. You may be thinking that the point of religion is to repress your desires, to stifle your feelings, and to ignore your deepest longings. Unfortunately, some churches and religious institutions have given that impression. But rightly understood, following Jesus is not the destruction of desire, but the development of better desire. You won’t change your life merely by repressing a desire, but by replacing it.

So why would I want to learn more about myself? God is in the business of changing it. Yes, I know, “personalities are static” and all that. And to some extent that can be true. But I am proof that God changes personalities and shapes them to reflect who he wants you to be. Yes, there is room for self-discovery in some sense of the word, but most important is the task of God-discovery. “Looking in” can come much, much later. The Christian bestseller lists don’t reflect that, and I pray that God will use the words of Trevin Wax and others to point our brothers and sisters in Christ “up” instead of “in”.

I received a review copy of Rethink Your Self courtesy of B&H Publishing with a special thanks to Jenaye White, but my opinions are my own.