3 things you need to know to become a master of feedback
By: Nikita Khandwala
Tags: Success, Growth, Work, Feedback, Productivity

3 things you need to know to become a master of feedback

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

I hold my breath. Count to 10. Silence.

What could possibly be taking so long?

PING. I grab my phone off the table and open the message I’ve anxiously been waiting for. I quickly scan the lines until the end of the green box where it says…

‘See more…’

My heart sinks.

Is it really that bad?

Apparently so. I’ve just sent an article to a friend who is my go-to for truthful, transparent, and timely feedback. The essay he’s sent back clearly signals that it isn’t up to scratch.

You know the feeling, right?

Your heart starts thudding. Your mouth goes dry. Your brow becomes flecked with beads of sweat.

All you want to do is knock back a margarita and crawl under the covers never to be seen again.

Don’t worry though — my overly dramatic reaction (and yours, let’s be honest) is completely normal. As humans, we all have a natural instinct to defend ourselves during conflict. As Ed Batista, an executive coach and an instructor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business says, receiving feedback can be “a stressful experience”.

Way to put it lightly, Ed.

So how do you replace stress with a desire to progress?

Luckily, there’s one simple answer: disassociate your identity from your work.

Disassociation is so powerful because if you don’t feel like your entire character is being questioned, your defence mechanism won’t kick in. How does this work? Well, when you detach your identity from your output, you switch your thought process from the emotional to the rational side of your brain. As a result, you’ll immediately be more receptive to the feedback you’re given because you can analyse the comments you’re receiving from an impartial perspective.

Oh and I’ve got good news — the more you ask for feedback, the less stressful it becomes. Now you have no excuse 😎

Still not convinced? Keep reading.

Your effectiveness correlates with your ability to ask for feedback

Seriously, it’s true. It’s not just a fanciful corporate fad — people who actively seek out feedback are more likely to be effective at work.

As soon as you start to be intentional about your relationship with feedback, you’ll realise that you’re in the minority. Whilst a whopping 87% of millennials have a desire to learn and grow professionally, only 15% actively seek it out. Do yourself a favour and jump on the feedback bandwagon.

Now let’s take stock of where we’ve got to. Firstly, you’ve managed to overcome the feedback-induced stress of feeling like you’re in a burning pit in hell. Secondly, you’ve taken the intentional decision to actively seek out more feedback because you want to accelerate your effectiveness at work.

Woohoo! Now what?

It’s not about asking, it’s about HOW you ask

Take a second and think. How do you ask for feedback? If your response is:

“Do you have any feedback for me?”

…you’re doing it wrong. This question almost always elicits a “no”.

Say hello to the ACE model.

In the ACE framework, there are 3 types of feedback:

#1 Appreciative feedback is key to helping us feel seen and motivated. Questions like “What’s 1 thing I’m doing to drive positive impact for you and the team?” are great at getting the person you’re asking to really consider your strengths and highlight them for you.

#2 Coaching trains you to work on your weaknesses and strengthen your skills. Here, questions such as “If you had to prioritise my areas for development, which one would be at the top of your list and how can we work together to improve it?” do a magical job of galvanising you and your manager (or whoever you’re asking) to collectively identify your weaknesses and then work together to improve them.

#3 Evaluative feedback is critical for your self-growth. Here, questions like “On a scale from 1–5, how effectively am I doing X?” will open the door to a transparent conversation about what stage you’re at. This then leads fluidly into a constructive discussion about how to get from one number to the next.

When combined, these 3 types of feedback have the power to radically accelerate your learning, growth and motivation.

Now you know how to ask, timing is everything

Remember: great communication isn’t just about what you say, it’s about what other people hear. If you suddenly spring one of the ACE feedback questions on a colleague, they’re going to freak out.

It’s understandable. Unless you know someone well, you never know how they’re going to react to feedback. As a result, most people err on the side of caution and don’t actively provide it.

Make their lives easier by warning them in advance. For example, if you have a big presentation coming up and want to get feedback on your executive presence, ping your colleague before the meeting and ask them to look out for 1 or 2 specific things about your communication and confidence. That means they (1) know what to look for and (2) are prepared to give you feedback as they know you’re expecting it and have actively expressed a desire to hear it.

And there we have it.

Disassociation + intention + the right questions at the right time = the new you.

Simple.