Sharing isn’t Caring — Revenge Porn!
By: Sangamittra Deepasok
Tags: Parenthood, Abuse, Pornography, Child Abuse

Sharing isn’t Caring — Revenge Porn!

<WhatsApp notification tone>

Oh, there’s a pornographic clip in the family group, and… it’s from your daughter. Chill. She’s 19, adolescent, healthy, active, and smart. Might have slipped her finger. You may call her up and ask to ‘delete for everyone’ or simply have a hearty laugh. You may tease or appreciate her choice of porn or even suggest a new genre or site altogether, maybe. Because it is alright. Because we all enjoy our private pleasures without harming anyone. And if you don’t admit and address it to your children, who else will?

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Boys and girls indulge in self-love activities from when they hit their puberty. We all know how we have survived that stage; of infatuations, body negativity, struggles to be seen and appreciated, to discover our own space-friends-likes-dislikes. That period from our grade six to college; terrific for some, terrible for others. And for a yet another set, it might have passed like a summer breeze, none noticed-nothing changed.

It’s at this stage we get into the fantasy world of romance, love, and lust. Being a 21st-century adult, you might have come across scams involving girls and boys sharing media of private moments, in trust that it will be used privately. But out of various reasons, it gets ‘leaked’ and goes viral, leading to public harassment, social media policing, mental torture, legal troubles, and even honour killings. We cannot deny or be bling about it because this is everywhere. Today or tomorrow, this can happen to our family, too, if not addressed at the right time.

As a sensible parent aware of this hazard our immediate response shouldn’t be ‘I’ll not let my child use a smartphone until they turn 21 or past 9pm’; instead it should be, ‘No, I’ll not let this happen to my child because I kept quiet about it.’ I assure that talking to your kid about the dangers of sharing nudes or cheat porn will be a much lesser degree of an embarrassment than actually being in the limelight protecting your lil one from the scavengers after it is all over the place.

Tell them that pictures, videos, emails, and texts that seem temporary can exist forever in cyberspace. One picture sent to someone’s phone can easily be forwarded to friends, posted online, or printed and distributed. Your one simple snack-time discussion can leave a great impact on your teenager and make them think a multimillion time before they seek or share nude.

And like always, the easiest way to introduce the topic is, ‘So, last day one of my colleague’s child got into this trap…’ Bedtime stories just taking a sensible turn. <wink>

Sharing Nudity & Sexting

‘Send if you truly love me, baby’ is a vicious trap. To your lil one, exposed to a beautiful romantic relationship, this one message can mean a lot. It is often projected as the penultimate expression of love and trust — sharing photos or videos of private parts. The partner seeking it and the partner sharing it might genuinely be trustworthy until something takes a turn. It can be a break-up, a slip of a finger, a misplaced mobile device, or even a technical glitch. Whatever be it, the female in the visuals will be targeted. It is thus mandatory to teach your boys and girls that it is not just unethical to seek or share nudity, but also a crime of severe degree under the POCSO Act.

Revenge Porn

Couples, in their most private moments, might capture images or videos at compromising positions with consent and in the promise of personal consumption, or often just to ‘capture the beautiful moment’ for memory. And when things get repulsive, they go out of hand. Exposing, defaming, and butchering the other person’s identity. In the wake of such an act, a person, a family, and possibly a community is adversely affected. Believe it or not, these revenge and cheat porn amount to more than half of the entire pornographic content available to us globally.

All you need to do is talk about it to your child. Let them know that this isn’t an alien thing, that it can, if not careful, happen to them too. And for scenarios, we all know someone who is a victim of revenge/cheat porn. If not, just open your favourite porn site. Boom.

While we do not have any specific legal action against the culprits or to protect the victim, a combination of many acts can put the offender behind bars for at least five years with hefty compensation. That, at the stake of victim-shaming and lifelong agony.

Pornographic Truth

You get to watch several genres of pornographic content on the internet and mobile applications. The popular platform called the PornHub adds over 6million content every year, it will take roughly 169 years for a single person to watch it all. The amount of material available to the world in a single click of a finger is uncountable. Can you guess how many are produced with the consent of the people participating in the act? How many of them really know that they were being filmed and sold for money and pleasure? How many innocent girls, boys, women, and men must be living in the trauma of being exposed without their knowledge? Millions.

Though we claim that the ‘public memory is short,’ we can imagine how the victim will have to deal with their own insecurity of being identified in the crowd, at workplace, at a family gathering…

Ethical Pornography

It is fair to introduce adolescents to the different kinds of pornographic content they are exposed to. Also, guide them to choose the material they intend to consume wisely, to judge if it is ethical or not. Videos in which actors are cast with their informed consent and is filmed with all ethical and legal compliance and the knowledge of every person appearing in it is Ethical Porn. It is also known as Independent Porn or Fair-Trade Porn.

This is to let your children know that whatever they view on these platforms aren’t all safe or ethical or right. That there is a lot of injustice, violence, and trafficking happening inside this filthy-secret-pleasure industry. That they have to watch out and be at a safe distance from it all.

Quick Checklist for ‘The Talk’

Tips for you to be prepared to talk to your child about sexting and the risks involved.

Involve these four points in the “sext” talk: peer pressure, self-esteem, sex education, and cyber safety. Talk about consent. Ensure your child about the power of saying “NO” to sending a photo or engaging in sexting. Talk about who they follow and who is allowed to follow them on social media — an extremely careful decision to be taken.

And if anything goes wrong, you will stand up for your child and protect them no matter what!

-Read Part 1 — Thoughts into Parenting

-Read Part 2 — Puberty & Sexual knowledge

-Read Part 3 — Puberty & Masturbation

-Read Part 5 — Sex Education Guide

-Read Part 6 — Mental Health Wellbeing