You Will Be Thrown Under The Bus One Day
By: Stuart Englander
Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Self Improvement, Humility, Forgiveness, Self-awareness

It will happen, always when you least expect it, and probably more than once in your life. Many times it will come from the most unlikely source. Whether intentional or otherwise, being scapegoated is a painful experience for anyone. That feeling of rejection can become a crippling blow to your psyche; if you let it.

So, what will you do? Will you scream out for all to hear of the injustice set upon you from the highest rafter? Will you lobby your colleagues for some kind of ‘strength in numbers’ reactive strike? Will you just wallow in silence and disappear into the background, never coming to terms with the impact it has?

These are questions we all ask ourselves when we feel we’ve been wronged. We get so caught up in the emotion of the moment, we often forget to ask ourselves another essential question before we react.

What was the offending party’s intent?

It’s critical to understand this first before what may only be a minor infraction, becomes totally blown out of proportion. Everyone makes mistakes after all, and they are not limited to the ones that are perpetrated against you.

Consider that perhaps, the person who did the pushing may be under an unreasonable amount of pressure themselves, and they simply don’t realize the collateral damage they are creating. If you really think about the situation carefully and understand there was no malice intended, it might be easier to just let go.

Not everything is personal.

The biggest mistake you can make in turn is to lash out without considering the consequences. Even a measured response can have negative effects, harbouring resentment among all the participants.

The same is true for the ‘gang up’ approach to dealing with an insensitive colleague or person in leadership. You might gain a little ‘you were right’ satisfaction from the group, but the trust factor decreases among you when the elephant in the room is exposed.

People are slighted in the most innocuous ways every day. Yes, even you and I do it, and most of the time we don’t realize what we’ve done. Why is it so difficult than to just let it go?

Pride erects a little kingdom of its own, and acts as sovereign in it. — William Hazlitt

So okay, it was your turn today to get thrown under the bus. You took the fall for something that happened that probably wasn’t your fault.

Go ahead, get mad for a minute. Park it in your memory banks for future reference if it becomes a pattern. Accept the responsibility with big shoulders and say nothing.

If this behaviour does become a pattern, then you may want to consider extracting yourself from that situation entirely. There’s nothing worse than staying in a toxic environment.

In time though, the offending person may realize their error all on their own and apologize. If they do, be gracious. It really doesn’t take much to diffuse a bad situation.

With a little more humility on everyone’s part, perhaps human kindness can be restored to normal. Someone has to start, though. So, why not you?

As always, thanks for taking the time. Thanks to my colleagues and peers at ILLUMINATION.

Tree Langdon Liam Ireland Agnes Laurens Britni Pepper Dew Langrial Dr Mehmet Yildiz