How to Get Into Middle Space
By: Emma Austin
Tags: Relationships, Sexuality, Life, Self, Women

I didn’t find out I was a middle until I was in my mid-30s. And then I felt like I had to figure everything out on my own.

My first hunch was that I was drawn to so many elements of the Daddy Dom, little girl kink.

I love the dynamic created in DDlg relationships. And I adore the aesthetic that goes with it — everything cutesy, playful, and bubbly.

And of course, I’m really into the daddy doms. The way they can be dominant, nurturing, and giving all at once makes me weak in the knees.

But I could never fully identify with the littles I found online. The more I read up on their lifestyles and saw what being a little means in practice, the less it felt like my kink.

I could get down with being playful and sweet, but I wasn’t into the idea of putting a pacifier or a sippy cup to my mouth.

Same with a lot of the activities littles use to get in their favorite headspace. I don’t mind cuddling a stuffed toy or playing with a squishy one, but I don’t really care to color with crayons or watch cartoons and Disney movies.

It was the same with sex. Some of my favorite porn is heavy with DDlg themes and a lot of my recurring fantasies involve being younger and a whole lot more innocent than I really am. But not so young that I want to dress in a onesie and baby talk my way through a fuck.

Eventually, I came across the concept of a middle and it gave me so much clarity.

Littles feel comfortable, relaxed, and happy when they get in a headspace that’s reminiscent of being a child. Middles, though, feel that same way when they can get in a headspace that reminds them of being a teenager.

And that was it. That’s why I felt like an impostor as an adult but I still didn’t feel comfortable sitting at the little kids’ table.

As a middle, I was in between those two states. I’m at my happiest when I feel like I’m seventeen again (specifically, seventeen and three quarters).

I finally felt like I had found my place, my label, and one of the most significant parts of my identity — and then I felt alone again.

I could find loads of information about littles, activities to help you get into little space, and even some very clear indications of what sex as a little could look like.

But not much for middles.

When I did find something, it was clear that the middles who wrote them were closer to being tweens at heart instead of women who wanted to feel like they did when they were on the cusp of adulthood. A lot of the advice I got from them was still way too childlike for my particular kink.

I started to feel adrift and a bit helpless. I had just unearthed this side of myself and had no idea how to fully embrace it. I couldn’t find advice that told me exactly what to do so I could spend more time in middlespace.

Mostly, I found other middles asking the same questions I had and not getting a whole lot of answers.

Then I realized that I didn’t actually need as much help as I thought I did. The more I looked at my life, my habits, and my hobbies through the middle lens, the more I saw that I had been doing things to put myself in middlespace for years. I just didn’t know why I was doing them.

I put this list together for other middles who are trying to find their way (and for the daddy doms trying to give their middles what they need). These are the kinds of things I do to get into my teen mindset and step into the happy comfort of my middlespace.

Be Cute and Expressive With Your Makeup

There’s the way I do my makeup when I want to look understated. It’s what I wear when I don’t want to draw too much attention and look like what people expect a lady in her thirties to look like.

Then there’s the way I do my makeup when I want to feel good in my skin.

It’s not the way I did it when I was actually seventeen — I didn’t have YouTube tutorials and I had no clue what I was doing. But it’s deliberately cute. It feels youthful, bright, and flashy.

If you want to get in middlespace, it helps to look the part. So, consider drawing on some freckles. Apply some long fake lashes. Dab some blush on your nose and the apples of your cheeks.

Use some of the brightest eyeshadow you own. Get some bold lipstick colors.

Forget some of the makeup rules you follow when you’re in your boring grown-up mode. There’s no room for subtlety when you’re trying to get in the middle mindset.

Experiment With Hairstyles

Braids, pigtails, and space buns are perfect hair styling options for a middle look. You can also play up your bangs and give yourself doll curls.

Wearing colorful headbands, scrunchies, and making liberal use of cute hair clips works well, too.

Dye your hair in bright fantasy colors. I used to do this a lot when I was in my twenties. I would try out natural hair colors but they never felt like me. I would always go back to something bright and it felt like a huge relief every time. Now, I’ve settled on purple and it helps me feel like myself when I look in the mirror.

If you don’t want to dye your hair — or you love playing around with your looks too much — you can also get a set of cute wigs. That way, you can switch between a pastel pink bob or long bright blue strands on a whim.

Dress Up Cute as a Button

Stock your closet with all sorts of cute outfits.

Wear poofy dresses fit for a princess. Find a way to match a tutu with the rest of your outfit. Slip on your plaid miniskirt and put together a schoolgirl look.

Depending on your personal style, you could dress up like an e-girl, put together some pastel goth outfits, or wear oversized shirts like a VSCO girl.

Again, it doesn’t have to be the kinds of things you wore when you were a teenager. It just has to put you in a youthful mindset and match the way you feel deep down inside.

Turn Your Bedroom Into a Middle Sanctuary

Make your bedroom into a space that you can escape into and feel like yourself.

String up twinkle lights everywhere. Cover the wall in posters. Stack stuffies on your dresser and stick polaroids into the edges of your mirror. Get a canopy bed and throw soft fuzzy pillows and cushions on it.

Do as much or as little as you want. If you want it to look like a Claire’s or a Hot Topic threw up in your bedroom, go for it.

Part of me would love to turn the volume way up and make my room a bright, bubblegum sanctuary. But I hold back because there are two competing styles that I love surrounding myself with.

I’m into very minimalistic decor with lots of whites, greys, and wood grain. But the middle in me wants everything jam packed with adorableness.

The result is a dark wood stain canopy bed wrapped in artificial vines and strewn with twinkle lights. It makes me feel like I’ve created a teenage love nest and just sitting in it helps me fall into the middle mindset.

Watch Teen Movies

Watching movies aimed at teens is a great way to get in a middle mood.

It’s especially effective if you watch the types of movies that were formative for you during your teen years.

For you, it might be teen slashers like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Or it could be high school comedies like Clueless or Mean Girls.

For me, it was teen dramas that focused on sex. I love revisiting them or watching movies with the same themes. My absolute favorite is Cruel Intentions. It gave me so many sexual awakenings and watching it transports me back to that period in my life faster than anything can.

You can also get in your middle mindset by reading YA novels or watching teen TV shows. I was already in my twenties when Vampire Diaries started airing, but binge-watching a few episodes is a great way to get me some middle comfort.

Embrace Cute Over Sexy

I’ve always struggled with lingerie. It never felt right on me. And I think that’s because I was trying too hard to be sexy when what I really wanted to be was cute.

Some middles can definitely pull off sexy, don’t get me wrong. But a lot of us would rather express our sexuality in a way that feels more sweet and innocent.

Lean into that cuteness when you’re dressing up to have sex or to seduce your partner.

My first real sexy outfit was a fuckable Alice in Wonderland one. And I keep coming back to the thought of being a sexy Little Bo Peep someday. I’ve also got a schoolgirl outfit in the works.

You can also cosplay as whatever character makes you feel hot.

There are a lot of ways to be adorable, cute, and sweet while turning on your partner. Just embrace it, lean into it, and realize that you’re incredibly attractive when you do.

Get in the Right Mindset During Sex

Middle space isn’t always a sexual thing, but it can be.

It very much is for me. One of the reasons I loved being seventeen so much is that I was flushed with so many horny hormones that everything felt exciting.

You can channel your middleness when you’re flirting or fucking by acting shy and naive. Play up your innocence and act fascinated by every part of sex and eager to learn more. Explore your partner’s body the way you would if you were extremely curious but highly inexperienced.

Depending on the kind of middle you are, you can let yourself be bubbly an giggly while your daddy dom leads you through every sex act.

If you’re the bratty type, you can be a little defiant. Tease your partner and challenge them. Make them chase you before you give up the goods. Do what it takes to earn a really good spanking.

No matter what you do, keep your attitude and behavior playful and you won’t have to step out of your middle mindset.

Roleplay Experience Gaps

You can’t undo your sexual experience, but you can roleplay not having it.

You and your partner can pretend to be teenagers on a first date that ends in dry humping and an impulsive fuck.

You can pretend it’s prom night and you’re finally going to lose your virginity.

You can just pretend that it’s the first time a boy is touching you and everything feels incredible and amazing.

But the scenarios that I find work best are the ones with a clear experience gap.

That can be your daddy dom opening you to a whole new world of sexual experiences.

He can pretend to be your dirty step uncle walking you through how to give a blowjob.

Or you can roleplay being the bratty babysitter who got caught masturbating by the man of the house — and you’ll do anything to keep him from telling anyone.

You can act out those roles explicitly if you can get into it without feeling too silly. Or you can just fantasize about them while getting down, which works surprisingly well.

Help Your Daddy Get into His Role

You’ll go way deeper in middle space if your daddy plays along and doms you just right. So, take some steps to get him excited and eager to treat you like the middle you are.

That can mean sharing fantasies, telling him what you like to do and enlisting his help, or having big conversations about the kind of dynamic you want to create in your relationship.

You can send him erotica that has some DDlg vibes. You can dig into some niche ebooks or even just get him to read Fifty Shades of Grey because it’s about a virgin discovering sex and kink for the first time.

If you really want to get him going, watch porn with him that has the right kind of scenarios and dynamics. I find that looking for babysitter porn is usually the best way to find the right mix of innocence, experience gap, and dominant authority.

Recapture Your Teens

Being seventeen was an incredible time for me in so many ways

It’s when I really felt like I could be myself and let my personality shine

It’s when I discovered what it was like to be in love

It’s when I found out that sex wasn’t just fascinating or appealing — it could also feel fucking incredible.

It’s when I was on the verge of adulthood and my future looked so shiny, sexy, and carefree.

And because I never fully felt safe at home, being able to leave, stay out all night, and do more or less what I wanted was the first time I could actually put my guard down and feel comfortable.

I can never go back to that. I have too many responsibilities, too much awareness, and not enough free time to just wander around the mall gossipping with other aimless ragamuffins.

But it doesn’t matter. I can’t be seventeen anymore but I don’t have to give up on the headspace I was in at that age. I can get back into it whenever I need to. All it takes are some bright colors, some escapist YA fantasies, and a partner who can earn the right to be called daddy.