stop the “mommy” peer-pressure
By: M A Ý A
Tags: Baby, Freedom, Moms, Womanhood, Pressure

We hear it everywhere: “I am a proud mommy of three”; “Do you have any kids?”; “I didn’t start living until I had children”. As women it is placed upon our societal script of objectives to have a child. Girls spend hours of their childhood thinking about the children they pray to have one day. We express to one another our secret kid names and hope none of our girlfriends steal our beloved fantasy child. Gifts underneath the overpriced Christmas tree include babies, carriages and baby bottles to remind the resistant of their feminine duty. As we grow and age, we are primed to alter our behaviors for males to choose us as their mates. The quality of the sex doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to be a wonderful man, just a reliable and consistent father. The timing, however, does matter. If a child is produced before we exit our teen years, we are sluts and should’ve been more careful. As if the majority of the people here on Earth today were really “planned”. If you are over the age of thirty with no dating prospects, you then are considered “too independent” or “career-focused”. If you happen to be in your mid-twenties, questions about your fertility, sexual orientation, and family planning model are blasé. People wonder if you’ll ever find someone to procreate with. They ask if you even want kids. Some believe you are too much of a feminist and that reading time would be better spent on a healthy, long-term relationship. Mind you, all of this said advice is happening as their own relationships are burning in the background. Yet, they do have something over you — they have a mate. And even more than that, they have a child to prove their partner found them attractive enough to leave semen inside of. This piece isn’t about people who have families that they strive to love and protect. I am not against a happy and healthy home. I have witnessed both sides of the typical family and I will always protect the stability and security immediate families can provide. What I am criticizing is this status symbol that maternity extols. In the same way that wealth and good looks can’t shield against the harshness of life, I wonder if the status of being a mother is as secure as women try to make it seem.

And when a woman properly attains this title, does she have to forego being the free woman she was before? Was she ever a free woman?

Children are sacred beings that allow us callous adults to reconnect to our playful, authentic selves. If it were not for these blessed creatures many of us would be in a crumby bar, listening to Janis Joplin as we finish a bottle of Jack Daniels. The status of being a mother allows many women the opportunity to criticize, dominate or simply peer pressure others into living their lifestyle. This is where the major inconsistency lies. If someone is truly happy and content with their existence, then why would they need to impose their will onto another? It’s counter-intuitive to behave in that manner, for peace with reality means accepting that you have little control over it. With this little control you become nifty in how you solve and approach your problems. As a by-product, you become more open-minded and it’s only a matter of time before you realize that there are thousands of ways to live. One isn’t the best and one isn’t the worst. What makes the difference is how suitable the lifestyle is for the person. And with women who aren’t content with reality as a mother, they feel the need to overcompensate and force others to live as they do. This allows an escape in responsibility, where they can hide their cowardice behind conformity and demonize any reflection of courage in others.

I won’t deny that these words hurt or even dismay my emotional state. I have a lot of insecurities to work on but these women have exposed certain truths to me. That love is as tricky and difficult for me as it is for others and in the same way that they shouldn’t judge me, I shouldn’t judge them. Instead, I’ll enjoy my quiet mornings and sex-filled nights as they yell at their husbands to bring a warm bottle. God is good❤