A Father in a Mom’s world
By: Whisky Poppy
Tags: Parenthood, Motherhood, Moms, Parenting, Fatherhood

Credits- Steven Van loy

8 AM- Door Bell Rings, the house cleaner picks up the garbage.

8:01 AM- You realize, your little one is still asleep with 29 mins left for school to begin.

8:02 AM — Open the curtains, hoping sun will act as a natural alarm for my son. No luck…next 10 mins are used up to wake him up… 18 mins left to school…

8:12 AM — Post the hugs and cuddles, rush him to the bathroom, brush and bath him (easier said than done).

8:20 AM- You are screaming from one room to another “Is his food packed and water ready” while getting him ready. And he chooses what clothes to wear.

8:25 AM- You reach the door and realize the school bag is still inside (Though you are 100% certain you put the bag around the child). Rush back in and leave the house running. And the elevator is always busy at that time.

8:27 AM- Half Walking/ Half running, you say hi to all the dogs, cats and leaves on the roads.

8:32 AM- You finally cross the finish line, leave your child to the school gate… and meet the dis-approving eye of the teacher, who looks at her watch and then gives you a faint smile that means “Every day”?

8:33 AM- Rushing back, the good thing is you realize you are not alone, especially when you see another mom dropping her child after you. All the parents disappear in a snap during drop-off

Cut to 4 hrs later and I head back to school before time for pick-up. Here, I meet the other moms and we get 10 mins to catch up on how things are…we laugh, we discuss on how the kids are these days, and blah blah blah… Trust me, there is lot of comfort in this blah blah blah…

Most of you mothers will relate to this…the difference for me, though. I am a father…and this is my grasp of hanging out with other moms. My Son is 4 years old, and I often drop him off and do pickups. Then, I like to take part in all school activities. Taking him to playdates, going to the playground, normal parent stuff. A while ago I decided to be part of the WhatsApp Class group however, it’s often called the Mommy group, and I am the only father.

Following incidents have happened with me as I am mostly the only father in a space that has been dominated by moms:

A moms surprised look and hesitant move when I said “Add me to the WhatsApp class group instead of my wife” Being called “Go Girl/ More power to you mom” on Mom groups. Until one day, the admin reminded other moms, there was also a father in the chat. Teachers addressing me as mom. It is funny how even teachers were a bit uncomfortable at the start to discuss regular school things with me. The looks from other Moms “Where is his wife? Did she leave him? Are they separating?” The initial dis-comfort of having an outside species amongst the moms in physical gatherings.

But in the end, the mothers always accepted me and I soon became one of the moms and part of their conversation.

This is my learning from my journey of being a Father in a Mom’s world.

For Fathers

Respect what the mom does: Being a mother is a Job and it is a 24/7 job. Don’t ever say “But you’re a stay at home mom”. HELP HELP HELP: Help your wife out when you’re back. Get your backside moving. Some countries have the luxury of having Nanny/house help, but they will never bring the same care as a parent. Give your wife time off: Your wife deserves her time off. Take your kids out to the play area and let her rest. Let her hang with the mom gang: There is comfort in hanging out with other mothers. Those 15 mins waiting to pick up our kids is lots of fun. It makes you realize you are not alone in this parenting thing. Let her have those 15 min. You are not only a sport coach: A father’s job is not to only show up on Sports day. If you cannot pick up, then drop your child to school everyday. Parent means father along with mother: It is not just the Mom’s responsibility to raise the child. Look beyond providing financial support.

It may seem like I am talking only from the Mom’s perspective, but allow me to share a father’s perspective in the mom’s world. I have spent close to 3 years amongst mothers. Besides learning from them, I noticed few clinks in the armor.

This is for all the lovely moms out there:

Do not pressurize each other: Stop putting pressure on each other. It is one mom putting pressure on the other. We have enough pressure from schools and society about how to raise kids, do not do that to each other. You are your biggest enemy: Give the father a chance. Most of the moms feel the father will not do a good job. Nature has no time-table for your child: Each kid is special and different. If one child walks faster or talks faster than the other child, that is not the reflection on you as a parent or mom. It is nature telling you when your child will be ready. Parenthood is not a race: Do not try and out do the other mothers. If one mom makes homemade snacks for the full class, it is okay if you buy healthy snacks from your local bakery No gangs allowed: Do not gang up or Judge other moms. Like judging the mom who buys snacks from the local bakery. It’s shallow, and will make the mom more conscious about her parenting skills. Working Mom = Home Mom — Never make this comparison. Care and love for one’s child cannot be measured by Time spent as a metric. Both are moms, and both have their own struggles. New moms: Moms who have more than 1 child, please be nice to first time mothers. Do not forget you were one too. We are new parents and we’re learning our way around the ring. The Mother-law: Most of your Mom-in-laws feel they did a better job raising their son aka your husband. I am a Gluten free Mom- Call out that ‘Gluten Free, only Organic food for my child’ mom . We all know there is that one mom like that in every group.

I truly hope you enjoyed reading this. This is all from my experience. There is no science or any great insights in what I shared. We all know this, but often forget. Just remember you are not alone in this parenthood game and no one has ever won the parenthood game. They just keep working on it.

Leave your comments and feedback. Happy Parenthood