How Learning to Ride a Bike as an Adult Taught Me to be a Better Listener
By: Laura Alyse
Tags: Communication Skills, Pandemic Diaries, Cycling, Self Help, Listening Skills

How Learning to Ride a Bike as an Adult Taught Me to be a Better Listener laura alyse Oct 13, 2020·4 min read

“It’s as easy as riding a bike” is an adage we know well. But what if you don’t know how to ride a bike? Is the world daunting and difficult?

My golden bike, down by the water in Brooklyn, NY.

I grew up in the New York suburbs, 7 miles north of the Bronx. Close enough to NYC that I carry a thick accent when I say dog (dawg) or drawer (draw), but far enough that a fun weekend night in High School consisted of hanging out with skater kids in the mall parking lot. This is a world where public transit is non-existent. It’s a world where wealthier teens collected cars as a status symbol and outshined the teachers’ parking lot. Most of childhood should have been on a bike. And yet — for a confluence of reasons — I never learned how to ride one.

Years went by with silent shame and wistful yearning to cruise on a two wheeler. It was a dream!

And then one day when I was living in Australia, literally the day before I moved to the Outback, a Norwegian friend taught me while in a small field in Melbourne. I was actually singing “A Whole New World” by Aladdin in the exact moment that it happened. Corny, I know, but she encouraged me to sing to distract myself from the mental hurdle and it seemed appropriate. Hey, it worked! Once I realized what happened, I flopped over — my first bike spill.

Flash forward 9 years: it’s 2020. I am now a brave road warrior in my 30s, hitting the pavement in NYC. A silver lining to this #pandemic is that I’m riding every day: riding to get fresh air, riding to escape the confines of my apartment, riding to connect with my fellow New Yorkers in far-off neighborhoods, even though I’m behind a mask and over 6' away from them.

This time during quarantine has empowered me to become better at cycling. I’ve gained the confidence to ride over the bridges to Manhattan for the first time, to ride 40 mile treks, to go farther than I could have possibly dreamed 9 years ago. And through these past few months, I learned a lot about how to listen — to truly listen. I’ve gained a deeper sense of calm. It’s genuinely and positively impacting my ability to communicate with co-workers while working remotely. Here’s what I learned (or re-learned):

Deep listening is a full body experience. You must have awareness at all times on a bike. Listen with your ears, your eyes and your gut instincts. Deep listening requires that you are fully present, rather than just pushing an agenda or responding to what’s around you. Observe people’s shifts of body language and tone when communicating. It’s ok to take risks when on the road and in life, but make sure you are listening before you take them. Signal your intentions and people will respect you more. Hand gestures on the road are key! They tell those around you if you’re turning left or right, if you’re stopping or trying to squeeze in. Signaling your intentions also helps you be more transparent with people about your purpose for speaking. Communicating the details are really important when you can’t physically be near someone. Technology like Zoom flattens our body language. Signaling — whether physical or verbal— helps everyone involved. You don’t need to take up that much space. I used to be very scared to ride in-between cars on the road and cars that are parallel parked. It seemed like I couldn’t possibly fit. Yet once I realized that I’m only as wide as the handle bars of my bike, I grew a much deeper understanding of spatial awareness. A lot of it boils down to slowing down when going through a tight spot. This is important for communicating as well. Some people have a tendency to talk extra when nervous or on remote work calls, to make their presence more known. You don’t need to take up space to get your point across, listen and use the appropriate amount of space. Listening to the hive mind can be beautiful. One of the most inspiring experiences I’ve had this year — and perhaps in my life — is riding in critical mass with 1,000s of other cyclists to support peaceful action and defunding the police. Moving as one unit takes time. It requires all of the actions of spatial awareness, signaling, deep listening. Americans privilege independent thought. This is critically important as well, but I think we can all take a lesson in humility. Most of us want similar things at our core. Put your ego away, the hive mind can create a greater sum than its parts. There will always be uphills and downhills, so learn to appreciate both. Cruising downhill on a bike is usually better than cruising downhill in life. Yet this metaphor captures that you’ll always encounter both. Happiness grows from tackling adversity: whether that’s a hill or a bridge or a stressful relationship. Lead with gusto, move with the knowledge that you can tackle an issue, and you’ll feel the wind flying on your back!

Listening is a constant practice. You’ll still have slip-ups. Admittedly I encountered a few bike spills during the past few months. In June, another bicyclist hit me from behind on 2nd Ave (he was clearly not listening) and my arm swelled up with fluid after a nasty fall. I literally had to ride 4 miles home whilst in pain. But I got back on the saddle!

So I say let’s change the adage “it’s as easy as riding a bike”. Perhaps we should say “listen deeply … like you’re riding a bike”.