The Girl
By: Adam Kinyua
Tags: Philanthropy, Hope, Fear, Love, Orphans

When my first serious relationship ended, I pretty much accepted the fact that I didn’t deserve happiness. Because what the point of being happy when it ends in sadness and disappointment anyways? But once I managed to get it under control, and started dating seriously once more, life seemed to change. However,

“I will be offline for a moment.”

“I will go to the market and I will be back to you, to fall in love with you”

“Okay! May Allah grant you happiness and safety while you are there.”

Then it finds me again. She is taking a little longer. Maybe she has left me. Maybe you are ghosted. She has left you all alone. You are lonely again. There is no way of getting out of this. Then she comes back,

“Sorry I got distracted. I found new sheets that I thought would match well with our bed. I love you boo. Did you miss me while I was away?”

My happiness finds me again. My worries dissipate. I feel nice. In fact too nice. But loving her is also a problem. I love her so much until I am afraid. Maybe she’ll die in an accident because you got too happy. Maybe she will make you forget God and he will punish you by taking her away from your life. But no, she always says a prayer for me, sometimes before I go to bed and some other times before the sun rises. This is so disturbing. Maybe I should discuss this with her. But I am afraid to tell her what is in mind. Maybe she will think am crazy and leave me. Since I don’t pretend that much;

“We need to talk”, “Can we talk a bit,” “Can I have a moment of your time?” “Do you have some time today so we can have a little conversation?”

“Sure,” she responds

I tell her everything. I also tell her that if she leaves it’s going to be really bad. I do like her a lot. Well, but she is still here with me. She has always been here with me. She promised to always be here with me. Even after, I tell her. She does not walk away. She says,

“I will always be here with you. I am going nowhere.”

I know I am not paranoid. I am just afraid. Afraid of losing all the people I love. I let fear define the person I am. That why I am not accepting happiness. I should be brave for those who I have right now. This girl of mine is not going anywhere and I need to be brave for her.

Sometimes these feelings come back and haunt me again. Especially in the middle of the night. However, for her, she sleeps soundly, and everyone else I love.

I will be brave

For the people I love

For one more day

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“This poem is a dedication to all the people out there who are kind and humane. People who find joy in helping the orphans and the homeless. The people who find purpose in serving humanity. People who take their time to help the elderly and the people living with disabilities. I want to let you all know that in the depth of the night when the rain hits the rooftops and the snow whitens the hills in the Appalachians; I usually kneel down on my prayer mat and say a prayer for you. You all matter to me, and I love you so much. I love you with all my heart. I may not know you by name, I may not even say hi to you even if I know you, but deep inside me, I heart you, for words cannot explain the joy that fills my heart when you all serve humanity.”

“…The girl by the garbage side/I gave her a box of cookies/She ate with her friends by the garbage side/She said the little boy was her brother/And the others…well, they were family/Their mother left one morning/She never made it home again/They never had a chance to receive parental love/But they had a family, by the garbage side/I wondered/I worry about a better house/A car maybe/Advancing my family/Wearing nicer clothes/Expensive shoes/They don’t worry/They play by the garbage cans/And later eat from them/They house them over the night/and…uh..and….I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL”

“The girl by the garbage side, her brother, and her family at home. They smiled while I worried about things that money could buy.”