The 4th Trimester
By: Aypril Porter
Tags: Birth, Moms, Baby

The weeks after having a baby is a time to go inward and be more reflective –stay home, nourish, and accept help.

When we think about pregnancy, we think in terms of trimesters. We know that different things happen physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally and more during these phases. But where we do a massive disservice to the women and children of this world is to assume that once they have delivered their babies that they are through and now that they are separate beings, life can go back to normal…with a newborn.

Except, that’s not how it works.

If you’ve ever given birth or carried a child, you know that once that child is delivered, your body does NOT go back to “normal.” I use the term normal here loosely because who defines “normal.” A better description would be to say that you are assumed to go back to the way you were before, but now you have a small person you look after, nourish, and keep safe.

Easy peasy, right?

Not so fast.

You’ve just carried a child. A HUMAN being for 9+/- months and then went through the monumental task of pushing that child out of your human body and into the world.

Pregnancy has left you exhausted from stretching and growing and having all your ligaments loosen up. You’ve added weight to your joints and feet, fed and nourished (sometimes at the expense of your own body — there is a saying about a woman losing a tooth for each child for a reason), but now you’ve been through hours of labor and delivery or major surgery.

Your body needs time to recover, and yet the demands are not over on your body. If you choose to and are able to breastfeed, once again, your nourishment is called upon. Making milk takes tremendous energy and nutrients, especially when you’re tired from delivery and from being up every couple of hours with a newborn all night. Both of you have to learn to breastfeed too. Most women struggle at the beginning of this. It’s not as natural as society would lead you to believe. From all the mothers I’ve spoken to, this is a common complaint. The beginning is HARD.

And if this is your first child, that’s a huge adjustment. If it’s your second or more, you have additional little people to look after, physically, mentally, emotionally, and your partner.

So no, pregnancy is not over in 9 months or three trimesters.

Enter the 4th Trimester

During this time, new mamas need help more than ever. They need help with basic household chores and meals. They need help with childcare and attention for older kids. They need someone to let them snuggle their newborn and hold that infant to get some rest, knowing that their baby is being looked after while they sleep.

This 4th trimester is a time to call upon your community.

Ask for help. Not because you’re not strong enough. Not because you couldn’t do it if you had to. But because you know that you’ll be a better person and mama for it.

You’ll be teaching that little person that to ask for help is not a weakness, but in fact, a strength.

Ways you can offer help to a new parent.

Start a meal train and send it out to the new parent’s community.

Offer to come in and clean bathrooms, kitchen, floors, or (if you are in a position to) ask if they would like you to hire someone to come in and help clean a time or two.

Offer to take their older kids out of the house for a couple of hours.

Offer to run a couple of loads of laundry.

Hold the baby while they take a much-coveted shower and tend to their humanness.

Heck, offer them time to take a poo in peace (that can be scary business after a vaginal delivery!).

Ask if there are any errands you could run for them, like picking up prescriptions, groceries, supplements, or picking up children from school or after-school activities.

Offer to drive then to a newborn appointment (driving is hard with a newborn sometimes, and not allowed after a C-Section).

Walk their dog.

I’m sure that you have some ideas of your own. Reach out to your new mamas and offer to lend a hand or even a supportive ear.

2020 has been hard on everyone, but bringing a new human into the world this year carries its own unique challenges, not just in terms of health worries but in how we connect. How many mamas do you know that have given birth this year and not had the support they would have in a “normal” year?

Reach out and let your new mamas know they’re not alone; they need you.