New Chapter in Life
By: Keith Brumley
Tags: Alzeihmers, Changes In Life, Major Move, Parents

Life comes at you fast, they say, so buckle up.

While buckled up, I can affirm the speed at which life — and changes — can approach.

I’ve been quiet on Medium because of big changes in my life. The biggest is a move to Missouri from Milwaukee to be closer to my parents. I applied for a different position (still in Federal Government) which enabled me to move about 30 minutes away from my parents. My wife is still in Milwaukee due to her work situation and other family obligations. So I’m “batch’ing” it in a small studio apartment which serves as my home and office.

Big changes.

Why the move? Because unfortunately my father has advancing Alzheimer’s disease. My mother, who has been his 24/7 caregiver for years, can no longer do it alone. I made the move to be nearer and here for them during this difficult time.

To look at my father you would not know he is 80. He is in great physical condition. He still gardens and cuts his own lawn — a source of pride for him. His mind, however, is betraying him. Slowly, his short-term memory is steadily retreating. He repeats himself constantly, searches for words while having a conversation, and forgets what he is doing as he moves from room to room. He gets confused easily which is a source of frustration for a man with a graduate degree (Masters of Social Work).

Mom, who turns 80 at the end of the month, is mentally sharp but has joint problems (knees and hips). She walks but does so painfully. She still drives (Dad no longer can) and does the shopping, trips to doctors, etc. She also does all the cooking, cleaning, and bill-paying.

My nightmare scenario was that my mother would fall or have an accident and I would be 10 hours away knowing my Dad could not respond appropriately to an emergency and then become an emergency himself, becoming disoriented quickly if Mom were taken to the hospital. My only brother is also many states away (Washington) and there is no family in Missouri to help.

So, I did what seemed the reasonable thing — moved closer to provide assistance to Mom and Dad and be here for emergencies.

Of course the plan is to keep Dad in the home as long as possible. But Mom knows there will come a time when she can no longer provide the care needed. She has seen this before as her own mother had early onset Alzheimer’s and Mom was her guardian/power of attorney. She kept my Granny in her home until it became too dangerous for her to be there. So Mom understands the dynamics and trajectory of the disease. She is prepared for it, but this will be more difficult as it is her husband of over 60 years this time.

Life does come at you fast. I am grateful that my career enabled me to apply and be offered a new position located close to my parents. I’m rolling with all the changes — new job, new location, new apartment, being away from my wife and family (and my little dog) back in Milwaukee.

But I do not wonder whether I’ve done the right thing. I have.

While it is difficult watching the father you love decline, I am fortunate to be involved in his life while there is still some of his mind left. And I am fortunate to be here to help my mother make the difficult decisions coming, and support her emotionally.

I’m no hero. I’m simply a son doing what I was raised to do.