I Almost Let a Tumblr Friend Move-In
By: Kristen Nadel
Tags: Gender, LGBTQ, Gender Identity, Transgender, Creative Non Fiction

I Almost Let a Tumblr Friend Move-In

Photo by Matt Briney on Unsplash

There was one time that I was speaking with one of my Tumblr friends, a young woman that we will call A. She was kicked out of her then-living situation because of her sexual orientation, and she didn’t know what to do. I knew that we weren’t that far apart from each other, and I ended up extending the offer for her to move in with me.

The kicker was that I hadn’t even quite settled in yet. I had just moved from New Mexico to California and was residing in a 900 sq ft studio apartment. I still felt for A, and the thought of her having nowhere else to go didn’t sit right with me.

We went through all the motions of this plan, even down to the details of when I’d come to pick her up from the bus station. In my mind, I knew that we could make this living situation work. She was not only a part of the LGBTQ+ community but a part of the Tumblr community that I knew and loved.

Ultimately, A ended up moving to San Francisco instead. It was ironic because she did move in with someone else that she met on Tumblr. They started dating shortly afterward, and I understood why she chose to move in with them instead of with me.

I spent my life on Tumblr by choice.

As a teenager in the early 2010s, I spent a lot of time on Tumblr. Most of my IRL friends didn’t even know that I was on Tumblr, and that was entirely intentional. I wanted Tumblr to be my sanctuary and not for any particular reason.

I wanted Tumblr to be a diary where I could repost ideal images, gifs, text posts, and videos that I admired. Without having anything to hide, I just wanted a sanctuary and a community of my own where nobody truly knew me.

Of course, there were a few IRL friends that I had on Tumblr that I trust. I knew they would never judge me for anything I reblogged, even if it was something controversial or extremely personal.

I spent hours a day on the website, often never removing my computer from my lap until I had to get up to pee.

From the very beginning, I started following those in the LGBTQ+ community because this was my community. I truly felt at home on Tumblr in a way that I never really did on Myspace or Facebook. The best part was, nobody really knew who I was (minus the few friends I had on my page IRL).

I talked about my daily struggles, and strangers all over the country understood me. They knew my pain and my hardships. There were other people out there struggling to find love in towns that didn’t even acknowledge that they should be able to love who they want.

While it was uplifting to see such solidarity, it was also very eye-opening. I learned a lot about my own privilege when I browsed on Tumblr and talked to these individuals. When I came out, I did not get kicked out of my house. I didn’t even get treated any differently—I was truly a very lucky one.

The personal inbox feature was one of my favorite things.

This was an inbox that allowed my followers to ask me questions, either anonymously or un-anonymously. I got a slew of random messages on a regular basis, but the ones that hit me the hardest were the ones who were too scared to show their faces in fear that someone in their real lives would find them.

They asked me for advice, for resources. Some of them even asked me if I could help talk them down from suicide attempts. I got a lot more of those than one would think. Tumblr was a safe space, or at least that is what I aimed to make mine.

Something else Tumblr did was teach me my own community.

Before I was regularly perusing Tumblr for hours on end each night, I did not fully understand what it meant to be trans. Of course, I knew what it meant on paper, but I had no idea what trans folx went through on the daily.

Through Tumblr, I was able to befriend many trans individuals. I gained so much valuable perspective through this experience, and I learned the etiquette—what to say and what was super rude to ask. I still find this one of my most essential lessons learned in the 2010s.

Through Tumblr, I also learned about identities I didn’t even know existed.

I learned about those who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, and gender fluid. I understood what it meant when someone said that they were in the Ace community. These are things that people do not typically learn, at least not when I was that age in the 2010s.

When you aren’t in the community especially, I think it is harder for some in the LGBTQ+ community to open up to those who identify as cis-gender and heteronormative. While this isn’t always true because nothing is always true, I have a huge soft spot in my heart for Tumblr.

Tumblr was a great place for me.

It taught me so much, connected me to so many lifelong friends. Though I no longer use Tumblr, it became a sanctuary to me that not only kept my thoughts and ideas safe but also educated me in a way that I feel would not have been possible otherwise.