Why Do Married Men Watch Porn?
By: Loren A Olson Md
Tags: Relationships, Self, Mental Health, Psychology, Sexuality

People view porn for a complex number of reasons.

· Loneliness — Some unattached men — temporarily or permanently — seek a temporary fantasied partner. Sexual desires fluctuate, and in married couples, those fluctuations aren’t synchronous. Spouses may experience physical or mental problems. If a man travels for work, he will often pull out a webcam to shorten those lonely, long evenings in their hotel rooms.

· Relationships — The passionate sex of a new relationship has a shelf life of about one year. Yet, we expect it to endure forever. As it diminishes, we question our sexual competence and find fault with our partners.

Relationships are complicated. Sometimes sex is not the primary problem. It may be a symptom of more significant relationship problems. A conflict that has not been addressed may cause withdrawal from sex. That is more common than all the other explanations. Men most typically describe this pattern: Their spouse wishes to go to bed. The male partner says I’ll be up in a bit. I must finish this on my computer.

· Self-confidence — Men also sometimes feel they’re not enough. Men avoid sex because of enormous anxiety about it. Men worry about the size of their penises, the firmness of erections, and staying hard. Will I cum too quickly or not be able to cum at all? Am I a lousy lover if my partner doesn’t have an orgasm.

Porn can restore some self-confidence, even if it’s all fantasy. Porn is a natural antidote because it is conflict-free. There is no negotiation, no partner’s feelings to consider. You are in control of all the variables. That ideal sexual partner who wants you is one click away. And if tomorrow that ideal completely changes, it’s just another tick.

· Anxiety and Boredom — Our minds can’t think of two things at the same time. Sexual fantasies push worries about mortgage payments and job dissatisfaction out of our heads. Masturbation is an excellent way to relieve stress. Sexual fantasies creep into our thinking when the mind is bored or idle. Porn seduces us away from the boredom of ordinary life by its novelty. Porn is a way to escape the discomfort of being where you are.

· Fetishes and Kink — Searching a porn site is like walking into a candy store with endless choices. It can create a paralysis of choices. It’s a truism that if something exists, there is porn for it. In the privacy behind their keyboards, people can explore their sexual secrets. They have little fear of real-life consequences.

Fetishes are alternative sexual practices that enhance the sexual experience. They are a preference, not a necessity. In a moralistic society, fetishists expect prejudice. They experience it from most of the community, including their spouses. They may be afraid to discuss it for fear their spouse will see their fantasy as sick, deviant, and perverted. The kink that is lacking in long-term relationships is one click away.

· Conflicts about sexual orientation — Men in heterosexual relationships with recurring same-sex desires may use porn to act out those fantasies. Men search for gay-male porn in about 5% of their searches. The percentage is even higher in states with a low acceptance of same-sex activity. More men in those states live closeted lives, often married to women. For some, it is a compromise to remain in a mixed-orientation relationship.

· Aging — An aging population has high numbers of unattached people. Some turn to porn. As men age, their sexual desire diminishes, and erections become more unpredictable. Porn can help restore sexual vigor and combat anxieties about sexual performance.

· Technology — People are spending time on social media and playing video games. But they are also watching porn instead of interacting with each other in the real world. A correlation exists between people having less sex and watching more porn. Correlations do not prove causality. Is technology a cause or an effect of social isolation from cell phones and the internet?