“We are choosing to separate; we are getting a divorce.”
By: Violet Kirby
Tags: Divorce, Childofdivorce, Sad, Love

How my parents divorce effected me

“We are choosing to separate; we are getting a divorce.” My mom said as my family and I sat at the brand-new home goods table at my mom’s new house on a Wednesday night at 8 p.m. I was told this new property was just an investment. I was oblivious to my parents’ crumbling relationship. A lump appeared in my throat and my heart dropped. I didn’t believe it at first, I thought it was a dream. I stood up from this fake granite table to catch my breath and hide the tears that were beginning to fill my eyes. I walked to a room in this new echoing house and cried in disbelief. I felt betrayed. I took a breath and went back to the table. My brother and Dad sat looking emotionless as my mom’s tears piled on the home goods table. My parents explained why; my mom began to have feelings for another man. She cheated on him. She betrayed my dad and my entire family by acting on an impulse in a hotel room on a work trip. I had never felt such a heartbreak in my life. I had never in a thousand years imagined my parents separating. I had not seen them fight once within the past year. I was so caught up in my own life I didn’t even notice anything. I feel selfish for not noticing.

After finding out the news I walked back to the house we were all living in, which was on the same street as the new house for my mom. I called my boyfriend who I was with the hour before finding out the news. I told him what happened and he came over. He made me feel so much better for a short time. He left and it all came back. I fell asleep. I woke up with crusty mascara down my cheeks feeling relieved for a second that that bad dream was over. The emotions came rushing back and I realized it was real. I looked at my phone to realize it was 6:40, I had twenty minutes to get to zero period swim. I got up and began the 35-minute trudge to school. I told my best friend what had happened and continued to cry in the bathroom during passing periods. I got home that day and continued to feel like I was dreaming. I talked to my parents about it after having a thought of a memory from about two years ago. I had asked my mom if my dad and her were ever going to get divorced after hearing them bicker one time. I remember my mom’s exact words “Your father and I will never in a thousand years get divorced, we love each other so much.” Those words gave me so much reassurance that I never questioned their marriage. I told both of my parents about this memory and my mother burst into tears telling me how sorry she was. She knew she had betrayed us. My parents were my representation of love, I thought their marriage was perfect because it was all I knew. After finding out about their separation I was so confused of what the word love meant.

Fast forward two weeks, the pandemic hits, the stay-at-home order is announced and I am relieved to not have to go to school anymore. My grades were already dropping but the online school made it worse. I had no motivation at all. After the first two days of online school, I realized what this entailed. I would no longer be leaving the house and have any distractions from my own thoughts. About a month into online school, I was in the worst place mentally I had ever been in. I was now switching between my mom and dad’s house weekly. One night at my father’s house we were eating dinner while discussing the divorce and if I had any questions. I had been rude to my dad since I had found out. I had unknowingly been taking this out on my dad. I was so angry and didn’t know who to blame or what to think. He asked me why I was so mad at him. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say. His voice dropped to a voice I had never heard before and he began to start tearing up explaining how hard this has been on him after being cheated on by his wife of 27 years. I had never seen my dad cry before and it was one of the hardest things to watch. I had my second realization of selfishness; I was focused on how I had been feeling and did not take into consideration on how I had been treating my dad.

Fast forward 2 months, my boyfriend breaks up with me. He was one of the main reasons I had been able to hang on during this hard time in my life. Now in deep quarantine not leaving the house and my friends slowly leaving distracted into their own lives, I got to the lowest point of my life. My grades were horrible and I remember thinking to myself “ I feel like I have no one”. I felt betrayed by my family, my boyfriend and my friends. I began hating having to switch houses every week with all of my belongings so I began to spend more time with my mom and sleeping at her house more often, my brother spent more time with my dad. This is the time I began to slowly grow into the person I am now. The time passed and summer arrived. My usually packed summer was completely empty. I then met my best friend who introduced me to a lot of people. Summer was so much fun, I made so many friends and began to feel happy again.

Then summer finished, I learned from my past mistakes of staying in my bedroom all day and made myself busy. I began babysitting and tutoring, this became my distraction. I am still facing the heartbreak. of the separation of my family but learning to deal with it head on. I still have my moments where I cry about it or wish things were different. But, I know there is nothing I can do to change the past. I have accepted the inevitable betrayal everyone will feel at one point and have also accepted that it wasn’t on purpose. I have learned to be very independent and was taught many valuable life lessons through this experience. I am still questioning what love is and how I am going to get through this huge change but I am going step by step.