God Created Marriage to Be a Shame-Free Zone
By: Michael Murray
Tags: Life, Spirituality, Christianity, Religion, Marriage

The final verse of Genesis 2 contains one of the most beautiful images of marriage:

Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:25, NLT)

Adam and Eve were naked, yet felt no shame. I’ve read that verse many times, and I thought I understood it. Okay, they weren’t wearing any clothes, and they weren’t embarrassed.

But this week, I saw the concept of nakedness and shame from a different angle.

Nakedness goes beyond the physical realm

When I read this verse, I primarily think of physical nakedness. And of course, Adam and Eve were physically naked. But there are other types of nakedness as well.

There’s emotional nakedness, where we feel the freedom to express our deepest fears, desires, and worries.

There’s spiritual nakedness, where we feel the freedom to express our struggles and doubts about God honestly.

There’s the nakedness of our personal histories, where we feel the freedom to disclose our regrets and past mistakes.

The different types of nakedness can be summed up in one word: vulnerability. Marriage is the place where we can be completely vulnerable and not feel any shame. More specifically, it’s the place where we should not be shamed.

But this ideal for marriage didn’t last too long for the first couple. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were flooded with shame.

At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. (Genesis 3:7, NLT)

Where did this shame come from? I wonder — did Adam and Eve start pointing out each other’s flaws? Did they stop looking at each other with complete and total acceptance? Did they begin shaming each other?

Vulnerability can be uncomfortable

Reading the story of Adam and Eve through this lens has led me to ask myself a tough question: how often do I bring shame to my wife?

Last Saturday, my wife Diana and I were in the car, headed out for a day of relaxing. As we drove, Diana started talking about a situation that was bringing her anxiety. In an effort to keep the mood light, I tried to change the subject. I wanted to get her to focus on the fun day ahead, instead of dwelling on the anxiousness.

I couldn’t see it in the moment, but I was heaping shame on Diana. She was being vulnerable with me, and I was rejecting her for it.

No, I wasn’t doing it to be mean. I thought I was being helpful. I don’t like seeing Diana sad, so I wanted to get her mind off the thing making her feel that way. (And let’s be honest — I also wasn’t in the mood for a heavy discussion.) But all I was doing was shaming her for having those feelings.

Nakedness can be uncomfortable. It can be ugly. When it gets to be too much to handle, we start telling the other person to sew on some fig leaves. We don’t want to know everything they’re thinking and feeling.

But marriage should be the one space where we can be completely vulnerable and not get shamed for it.

We’re going to get it wrong sometimes

We live in a broken world. We are not perfect spouses. I’m going to disappoint my wife, and she’s going to disappoint me. There’s always grace. It’s why forgiveness is such an important part of marriage!

But I want to work at being a shame-free zone for Diana. As we go through everyday life, it’s easy to feel humiliated. The world can be quick to judge.

If you do something wrong at work, you may hear humiliating words thrown your way.

If you post something on social media, you may be shamed by the friend of a friend of a friend.

If you’re driving a bit too slow down the highway, you may hear angry honking as a car passes by you.

That twinge of humiliation can well up in us so quickly.

We should be a haven for our spouses and be the place where they feel no shame.