Parent’s guilt — Things that make us guilty
By: Pooja Malkani Sharma
Tags: Parenting Tips, Parenthood, Parenting Advice, Guilt, Parenting

Parenting, among its many joys, is also a big hassle. It is a journey full of mistakes and learning new things every day. We als get to experience new emotions every day. This is an amazing journey and most of the times we shuffle between two very extreme and different emotions in a jiffy. For example, you would be extremely happy and abysmally sad at the same time or you would be maniacally angry and profoundly guilty at the same time. As parents we all tend to make unintentional mistakes and then experience something call parent’s guilt.

As parents each of us are surviving and fighting our own battles, trying to raise a better individual and since each child is different from the other, our way of handling them should also be different. Throughout this journey we tend to give up and then rise again.

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Unlike early times in a joint family system when we had lot of elder people at home, most working couples are raising children alone which put them under constant pressure to raise them with the same discipline and morals they would’ve gotten with elders. We try to do best for our children and with so much going around, we can’t be on top of things. Obviously this doesn’t make us bad parents and sometimes shortcuts are required to survive.I did a small survey around two months ago and collated some moments that lead to parent’s guilt. Here are some that I found which top the list”

You give your child Smartphones

Believe it or not most parents do it. This was at the top of the list. To find some space for yourself or to work, you hand over your children that very thing which is so dear to us, OUR SMARTPHONES. Smartphones carry everything for us, it is must have thing today. You basically can’t survive without a phone. Guess What! Your child also loves it so he also wants it. The more the better.

Most parents feel guilty about introducing their children to smartphones or giving them any kind of screen time.

TV — my best friend

This is also popular among parents living in cities. With very little time at home, away at work, parents like to spend their time watching TV rather than playing with their children or following their passion. TV watching is now time to relax and be free. Most parents feel guilty of watching television along with their children which results in increasing their screen time. Most children keep sitting in front of TV for hours which effects their thinking ability. This reduces their innovation and they prefer spoon feeding.

You don’t play with your children

Gone are those day when you could say, you have become a child with your child. Parents are busy in their day to today activities yo such an extent that very few parents devote time to play with their children. Children are left to play alone which creates and huge gap inside them. A few weeks back, a video on Facebook was circulated which clearly showed most kids were disappointed when they were asked to play with their parents. They felt it was such a waste of effort since parents leave them with toys and are always busy. A lot of parents feel guilty about not playing with their children but also aim at working on it.

You had to give Junk

Junk food is not good for children and despite that you stop for a junk meal since you had your child showing tantrums and you had to calm him or snap him out of his current state of mind. You had him a chocolate or a candies that could keep him calm.

You compare

Just admit it! We all get into this trap. When we see a child performing better and an immediate reaction is push our child to perform better than him/her. We try to set a better benchmark and just land-up comparing our child with another one. Sometime this comparison is harmful and can harm your child psyche.

Bad words

With so much anger and aggression out there we tend to use bad language in front of impressionable children. You tried your level best to keep mum but it came out and now your child knows it, will definitely not forget it. In few hours you would hear it but from your child. Oops!

You tend to miss out on cleaning

How much ever you try to stay on top of it, you would miss cleaning out something! I mean how can you? Children run all over the place, throw their toys around in dust and mud. They never clean their hands or face. Sometimes, you let things slide and then comes parent’s guilt hovering around. So when you child is sick, you might blame yourself for it.

You bribe them

Yes it is bad but you got to do it! I mean sometimes there is no option left. You have too. Sometimes children don’t listen and to push them we bribe them. It is an easy fix and win-win for both parties.

Its not the load that breaks you down. Its the way you carry it Read more about 4As of Parenting

You give up

Oh! This one is a chart topper as well. Children are smart and somehow they find right time to show us how loud they can shout or cry. It has to be when you are crossing a toy store or your child has seen a candy while you were busy window shopping. You know that these are crocodile tears but you give in just so that you don’t have to handle a tantrum situation in the middle of a crowded street. The parent’s guilt trap would consistently disturb you later but giving in help you handle the situation.

Skip brushing at night

Yes! It is important to brush two times daily but you skip brushing your child’s teeth due to exhaustion. You do know it is wrong and feel guilty, you promise that it is last time but cycle may continue in some cases. Parent’s guilt all around.

Since we are strong, we tend to move on most of the times but there are times we get stuck. So for next time you feel bad, don’t judge yourself. We are in the same boat and it is is some very shaky insanity filled waters.

We all face different challenges, feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing from you.