Friendship Circles
By: Kyle Reynolds
Tags: Friends, Friendship, People, Relationships, Community

I’ve been extremely fortunate to make a number of friends in recent years.

One thing I have always been aware of is how we have friendships and relationships that exist in a Venn diagram of sorts. We often make friends based on common interests or groups we belong to. Some friends overlap and are part of multiple groups of friends we belong to. Other friends are primarily part of one set of friends and relations and do not overlap with other groups we belong to. Friends that are in groups that do not overlap may or may not know each other or may not know that they have this mutual connection in our relationship.

I am not a socially adept person. I do not plan gatherings where friends who do not know each other would be in attendance together. This is mostly because of my extreme discomfort with what feel like awkward social situations to me like making introductions and trying to balance time spent with friends whose only common link may be me. I am not good at being the host of a group. I have friends who are great at this and have enjoyed many get together with friends from various groups where I am an invited guest. I am just uncomfortable organizing such things.

I feel like I am pretty good at one on one interaction but I become increasingly uncomfortable with interactions as groups increase in numbers and my familiarity with the people in the group decreases. I am not good at trying to have or understand multiple conversations within a group all at once. Group dynamics are not my thing. I prefer to kind of break off from the group and have a one on one conversation with someone else who is present in the group.

I feel like part of the problem with groups is that it becomes less and less about one on one interactions and how we feel about each other directly. It feels like it become more about a workplace politics situation where people have to choose sides. If you want to be friends with person X you cannot be friends with person Y.

I see each person as an individual. If I can be friends with person A and person B and person C and Person D, why can’t we all get together and be friends together?

I understand that not everyone is going to like each other, but I don’t think I would let the fact that I may not be fond of one person prevent me from being friends with another person who is friends with someone I may not like.

I try to judge people based on my personal interactions with them. Unless there is some well reported verifiable information that someone has done something objectively wrong then I try not to judge them for things I have no direct knowledge of. If you treat me well and we get along then we can be friends even if other people I know don’t necessarily like you. They have their reasons whatever they are, but their reasons do not have to be my reasons.

We will not all like and get along with the same people. My friends do not have to like all the same people I like and I do not have to like all the same people they like. We might even like people who are perceived as not good people by others. I try my best not to tar and feather my friends with the actions of others just based on their associations with someone I perceive to be a bad person or someone I dislike for whatever reason. If I know you and I know you to be a good person. And you treat me well. And I see you treat other people well. I try to value based on the person I see you being. I value you for your direct actions in the world as I see it. I am not going to punish you for the actions of someone else you know.

I prefer to see people with my own eyes. I am a trusting person. I try to see the best in everyone. I see people for the good in them that others may not see. I may be naïve. It may come back to haunt me. But it is the way I think we make the best out of life.