5 steps to finally change your life in 2021
By: Marta Ross
Tags: Just Do It, Self Improvement, Habits, New Year Resolution, Dream Life

There’s something exciting about new beginnings, transitions and closures. With the feasible possibility to start over and become your better self, so much meaning is being given to life events such as first day of a new job, wedding, new school year and especially to a new year. If one could measure the level of hope and motivation in the air on December 31st it probably would be at its yearly peak. Yet for most of us the resolution-driven excitement seems to vanish no later than around mid-January.

Although overnight results seem tempting, especially in our world full of instant gratification, being able to achieve success without any effort would be hell of a boring venture. Still most of us would likely run to the mirror after one session at the gym to check whether abs are visible already. On the other hand, no one expects that construction workers would build an entire house in one day. Great things take time and patience. Chances are that if yesterday you didn’t own what you dream of, you probably won’t die today due to the lack of it.

Life is a journey, a long road we all drive. The destination is the same for everyone, but the routes are different. Sometimes you encounter a wave of green lights along the way, other times it’s all crossroads and accidents. You cannot control the environment, however you’re in charge of your vehicle — the more you improve it, the more you’ll enjoy the journey. The time will pass either way, make the most out of it.

Your human superpower is an ability to gain excellence through experience. The tools you have are habits and repetitions.

All you need to do is to focus on the process, instead of obsessing over the end results. Learn to enjoy little moments — the endorphin boost after morning jog, excitement and pride when you finally complete a task without errors for the first time, etc. With time, you’ll grow as a person and the results will come eventually.

So, this year, instead of making lists full of overwhelming goals that feel discouraging whilst you write them down, follow these 5 steps to change your life for the better.

#1. Close the EXPECTATIONS GAP

Things in life don’t always go as expected. The reality hits hard and destroys visions of how life should be. The higher your expectations, the more it hurts when things don’t go as planned. Human desire for improvement is almost insatiable. We want more of what we don’t have. More experiences, more feelings, more accomplishments, more satisfaction. This coin has two sides. On one hand, it drives innovation and makes us evolve as species. On the other hand, on personal level, it creates distorted image of reality where you live in two different worlds simultaneously. The first one is an image of dream life you cultivate in your mind, the other is the actual reality with all its dullness and dissatisfaction. The discrepancy between these two worlds leads to frustration and feeling of being not enough or incomplete. To make your journey of life more enjoyable you need to close your expectations gap.

There are three ways to achieve this:

You can settle for what you already have, lower your standards and accept the life you have without wishing for something better. However, chances are that frustration will hit you hard in the future, unexpectedly, and you’ll regret not taking action beforehand. Probably you’ll become grumpy and miserable, defeated human being whose only purpose in life is to whine and spread negativity. Pro-tip: don’t go this way, there’s more to live than that. You can define what dream life actually means to you, figure out how to get there from where you are now and work freakin’ hard to accomplish every goal necessary to become your ideal self. No shortcuts, however the journey is beautiful and the satisfaction makes up for the pain, so it’s definitely worth trying. You can change nothing and keep talking about things you wish you had, but never experience how it feels to actually have them. The call is yours. If you never try, you can only blame yourself.

Let’s go with B.

Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself.

Be as objective as you can, restrain yourself from judgement, just try to see things as they are. No one is perfect and that’s perfectly fine.

Your current reality:

Who are you? Describe yourself — your character traits, distinguishing features, strengths and weaknesses.

What do you focus on every day — what thoughts dominate your mind, how do you spend your days?

How did you get where you are right now? What decisions brought you here?

What are you proud of? What are you ashamed of? Are there any traumas that hunt you to this day? How did they impact your life?

What happened, happened. You won’t change the past, so you may as well stop reliving the events and feeding yourself with regret. Shift your focus into making the most out of today, so that in the future you won’t regret that you didn’t act today.

Your dream reality:

Who is your ideal self? Describe his character traits, strengths and weaknesses, thoughts, how he behaves when alone vs around people?

What does he do in life? How he spends his days — what does he do repeatedly?

What is he proud of? What are his major accomplishments?

You are here X — — — — — — —— — —— — → You want to be here Y

The path from X to Y is work that needs to be done to enjoy your ideal life.

Dedicate the time you spend on daydreaming to taking action. Small steps. Few minutes a day. Start as if you were doing something ordinary for yourself, like trying a new thing that you may or may not continue in the future, so as not to get overwhelmed.

#2. Live in the NOW

Don’t waste your energy on reliving the past or making scenarios for the future.

You are only in charge of the moment NOW. Decide how you want to spend it. Think about the consequences and possible results of the action or inaction you are involved in now.

Be more attentive. Observe your thoughts. Notice when your mind wanders and bring your focus back. Daydreaming is appealing, but it won’t get you anywhere closer to your goals. Just because you won’t become experienced by merely thinking about taking action. Take small steps and do it now. Create routines. Do the same on the next day, and next and another until your action becomes a habit. Open the book and read one page. Put on jogging shoes and run for 10 mins. Start small now.

#3. Practice ACCEPTANCE

Accept that people don’t always act the way you’d want them. Accept that unexpected things happen in life and may have a power to change your plans, impact your goals etc. Learn how to be okay with the change. Learn to take life exactly how it is, without sugar-coating nor painting events in dark colours. The less you fight things that you cannot control, the more energy you have to focus on things that matter, things that you’re in charge of.

Things you cannot control:

weather, political changes (unless you’re the one who impose them)

what other people think

how other people react to different events

Things you can control:

Your reaction to events

Your attitude towards people, especially when they are being negative

How your mood impacts your day

Next time you observe your mood shifting because of something someone said think if it’s worth your energy. Maybe you don’t need to overreact. Maybe you can turn the other way round and don’t give others the power to define your emotional reaction. After all, you have more important things to do — working towards your goals.

#4. Practice positive SELF-TALK

The way you talk to yourself matters. When you blame and judge yourself in your mind you become your number one enemy. Instead of putting yourself down, try to shift your thoughts into positive side. The more you tell yourself that you can achieve your goals, the more likely you are to actually make them happen.

Tell yourself success story and start acting like the person you want to become. Think the way your ideal self would think. Encourage yourself to act, instead of destroying your own dreams. You can either punish yourself in your mind or become your best friend and see what happens.

#5. Adjust your ATTITUDE every day

What you do today will have consequences in the future, either positive or negative. Actions you take have power get you closer to your goal or farther from it. Every morning remind yourself about the journey that you decided to commit to and think how you can make the most out of this very day.

Ask yourself what are 3 things that would make today great and accomplish them as early as possible. You’ll have the rest of the day for yourself.

Remember that life is a journey, a process. No matter how many times you fail, you can always start over without waiting for Monday, New Year, or any other moment in the future. Prove yourself wrong and act today, because WHY NOT?

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Useful resources you may want to check: