Labels Aside, we all are unique and we all are valid
By: Rakesh Goyal
Tags: LGBTQ, Diversity, Culture, Pride Month, Self Love

#Pride_2020

CAUTION: It’s not intended to gather sympathy by any means!

While we have come a long way since the riots in 1969, stigma and discrimination against people for their sexual identity, gender identity or sexual orientation are still present issues in our society.

Most fairy tales start with ‘Once Upon A Time’ and Mine Also. I hope for a day when Gay wonder tales are considered as normal as Cinderella’s :)

I knew I did not conform to the ‘straight’ way of thinking from a young age. This write up is about my identity which I started to discover from the early college days.

While Discovering my identity and recognising my difference from other kids since adolescence……..

I went to the college library to try to better understand my reality. Back then, the library catalog didn’t even list ‘Homosexuality’ as a topic. Being inclusive when it comes to pronouns is crucial, especially in drop-down forms. “Gender forms should contain more than just binary options,” More to the point, why collect gender at all? Why featuring only opposite-sex couples in photography?

I still struggle to find the answers to it. But all of the above is interesting in some or the other way.

The time flew by, I graduated and picked up a corporate Job because money sufficed everything. Literally everything! Eventually landed up into the SAAS industry. Just like others, I was also very sceptical about the professional world. I was hesitant and didn’t know where to draw a thin line between professional and personal life.

I was scared of stepping outside my comfort zone. After-all it was my first job. How I became aware of my Sexual preferences was through the ‘Power of Stories’. Picked up a lot of novels, talked to people, read about their struggles and life journeys.

Even today when I speak openly about my choices and preferences, I get a hell scared of confessing it to my mother. Yes, I’m yet to come out to her :(

Ironically, I’m raised in a way that I tell my secrets to my friends but I hide this one from my family.

Now, have you ever thought of, what makes a number of people hide their identity even from their friends? I often get this question: how do you talk about your identity so openly even when your folks are still unaware of it? I understand there is always a family pressure attached. And honestly I don’t have an answer to it.

Easier said than done!

Lately I spoke with one of my best friends and there is one thing that struck the chord. He asked me don’t I noticed that even in your peer circle there are many people who consume alcohol and tobacco and hide it from their folks. If not all, many. I couldn’t agree more because they know deep down it’s not good. Not good for health certainly.

Fear of the realisation and acceptance…..

“If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I’m shortchanging myself.” — Zanele Muholi

It was extremely tough for me to accept my identity. But did I have any other choice? On one side I had my beautiful life ahead and on the other side I had grief, a punishment for not committing any mistake. I chose my life over everything. I knew the universe would work in my favour. If not today, some time later but for sure. The moment I accepted myself wholeheartedly, I gave myself a big hug. The first stage of the battle is already won.

Yet, I often get very sad when many of my Gay friends say ’they wish they were straight or normal’, they would have married a girl, produced kids, and lived a normal life. We overthink as to what society will think of you. It is not an issue with society but with your psychology.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to talk about what ‘Activism’ is! Whether or not people will accept you, or will they discriminate if you come out of your closet! But I want to highlight one thing — Feeling remorse and reciting ‘Wish I could change my sexuality’ is the issue and we don’t talk about it. I absolutely want to emphasise on accepting ‘your identity’.

My analogy says it all starts from self-acceptance. Ever since I started working, I was accepted mostly everywhere because I was confident about myself. I think we are way past that it’s a different thing. People who consider it, are beyond saving. In fact, for me, the bigger issues to solve are Poverty, Unemployment, Education and the Medical system in our country. But certainly not Homosexuality on the top….!

Living a normalised life and celebrating pride everyday……..

“When all Americans are treated as equal, no matter who they are or whom they love, we are all more free.” — Barack Obama

A research by The Williams Institute says, nearly 7 percent of the world’s population consists of the LGBTQIA community, and the US itself has the third-largest population in the world which is 4% of the entire world. So it’s evident that LGBTIQA community is larger than the entire population of the US. So I’m not the only one, I’ve so many people with me. I don’t see a reason to hide it.

The next question comes about courage — Sincerely, I only gather courage when I try to do something out of my control. But this is a simple thing to ‘BE MYSELF” and courage is never needed for it :)

Just like everyone else, my partner and I also go on long drives. We fight over the last bite of Pizza slice. We wait for weekends to see each other. The only difference is we celebrate our sexuality every now and then.

Per my opinion, my entire life is just not about my sexuality and preferences. The identity is ‘who I am’ is based on a lot of several things. But if I put the entire pressure on just one aspect of my life then I think it’s a big disservice.

‘Generally, in your life you don’t need to worry about your sexuality every single day. If you are celebrating it, that’s fine, that’s Great, but if you are worried, I would say again — I want you to look into your conscience and ask it out loud — What are you afraid of?’

The only motive of my write up is to ‘know your beliefs’, and if you feel you are doing something wrong, then STOP there. It is very easy for us to say others to change their opinion, perspective however sometimes it’s utmost important to REFLECT

I might be incredible or terrible as a human being but that is not because of my sexuality or preferences. In fact, my sexuality has nothing to do with my personality and the traits.

Still a long way to go……

“There will not be a magic day when we wake up and it’s now okay to express ourselves publicly. We make that day by doing things publicly until it’s simply the way things are.” — Tammy Baldwin

The only thing we have to look forward to is hope. And we have to give ourselves hope. A hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place and a hope that all will be alright.

So my message to everyone from LGBTQIA community is that you should bet on being a fantastic human being. As a human being, if you are truly beautiful, the world out there would not care who you sleep with. I believe one can definitely land into a dream job irrespective of the personal interests and preferences. Just accept your identity, accept who you are and should focus on good deeds. Don’t get scared of coming out and Rest everything will fall in place eventually.

And here goes my favourite quote -

“Two dudes met, they both fell in love, lived together and same is my story’’