7 Things You Need To Know Now About Revenge Porn
By: The Good Men Project
Tags: Abuse, Rape Culture, Domestic Violence, Relationships, Love

Why? In his words, “Payback.”

You see, two months after he and I broke up, he took off drunk to Las Vegas to marry his friend’s drunk girlfriend. That friend and I got to know each while commiserating and dated for about three weeks before I woke up to how unhealthy it all was and called it off.

Almost a year later — during which time my ex-bf would alternately text me either hateful messages calling me a slut, or lovelorn messages pronouncing his undying love and swearing he was having the marriage annulled — my quite still-married ex-bf found out about my three-week, not-much-of-a-relationship with that aforementioned friend, and went ballistic.

Excuse my French, but WTF?

What upset me most was that he specifically threatened to post these pictures from our past relationship to my business page on Facebook. He didn’t just intend to humiliate me. He intended to annihilate me.

A good friend happened to send me a message on Facebook chat while I sat frozen with panic, and I wrote back about what was going on. Within moments my friend had sent me several links to websites developed to protect women from revenge porn.

My first thought was, “Revenge porn? This is a thing?”

My second thought was, “Revenge porn is a thing! There is something being done and steps I can take to protect myself!”

According to an organization called End Revenge Porn, “revenge pornography… is socially and emotionally damaging to its victims and, in cases where victims’ personal information is attached to the offending material, can be physically threatening.”

Not only is revenge pornography morally wrong, it is a very real form of sexual abuse.

The next site I visited, Women Against Revenge Porn, offered the relief of coming to understand that even though I willingly sent these pictures, I still own them. Under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA):

“A copyright is not something that you can touch. It is a right. If you take a photo of yourself (selfie), you own the copyright to the photo. Even if you physically hand over, text, or email your picture to another person, you still own the copyright. The recipient does not own it.”

Not only are these grassroots non-profits taking on this issue, but according to an article published by the Washington Post, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) recently reached a settlement in a lawsuit involving revenge porn, and as a result they are now considering actively “pursuing revenge pornographers for unfair business practices.”

That article quotes Mary Anne Franks, University of Miami law professor and Legislative Policy Director for the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI), saying that the FTC’s actions are a significant “statement by the federal government that disseminating sexually explicit images of a person without ‘affirmative express consent in writing’ is illegal.”

Even with all of this information there will be people who stand by the opinion that anyone who sends out an explicit photo of themselves is implicitly allowing for these photos to eventually become public. Aware of the possibility? Yes. Allowing for it? No!

The unfortunate truth is that any time a woman is alone with a man she is aware that rape is a possibility. Is she allowing for it? No!

Couples share intimate photos, letters and experiences from a deeply personal bond. I still believe exchanging intimate pictures can be great under the right circumstances. In long-term marriages, they can reignite imagination and passion. In long-distance relationships, they can keep you connected and playful. In your relationship with yourself, they can be an empowering record of the beauty of your own body to look back to when you are feeling bad about yourself, or even in the future after gravity has taken (further) effect and you want to smile about what a hot number you were.