Picking Up the Pieces After Divorce
By: Pamela J. Nikodem
Tags: Healing, Marriage, Change, Divorce, Personal Development

The following tips will help you move on after your divorce:

Give yourself time before dating again.

How much time you require is an individual decision. But there’s no rush. When you begin dating before you’re ready, not only are you potentially creating additional challenges for yourself, you also create problems for your new date. As you begin unrevealing your uncomfortable feelings, the new partner might start questioning the relationship. Take the time you need to heal. I got involved too soon after my divorce, so I can vouch for waiting however long it takes to know who you are, what you want, and your purpose.

Take the opportunity to make over your life.

Now might be the perfect time to join a gym, start a new hobby, or travel. When you’re married, you have to accommodate the needs and wishes of another person. You can give yourself more consideration for a change. Maybe you don’t have resources to travel or join a gym. In that case, explore some other options.

Take walks in parks and explore nature.

Ask a friend to work out with you. A DVD, live stream, or make up a workout plan works and doesn’t cost much, but time.

What would you like to change about yourself and your life?

Learn from your divorce.

Often, people want to blame the other person. Sure, maybe there were much wrong with them, however, a relationship does take two. So, ask yourself what could you have done differently? What went wrong? What did you learn? What were the good and bad qualities of your partner? What type of person would do you believe would be the best match for you? What mistakes did you make along the way?

A divorce is painful. It’s also a great learning opportunity. You can have much more confidence in your next relationship if you use what you learn.

As you move toward healing, you can build a resilient nature composed of awareness and hope.

Forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget what happened and fall right back into the same trap. If you participated in the destruction of the relationship, you may have to forgive yourself. Sometimes, we spend more time blaming than forgiving ourselves. The bottom line? You can’t truly move on until you’ve forgiven your ex-spouse or yourself.

Start with easy things like small trespasses, and forgive them as you go along. This may take time. Remember, you’re never free until you’re able to forgive.

Get the support you need.

This might take the form of a friend or family member. There are also support groups for the newly divorced. Avoid the mistake of attempting to navigate your healing process alone.

Maintain your daily routines.

As difficult as it is to get yourself motivated, pull yourself out of the bed in the morning and get started. It means to continue to bathe, brush your teeth, and so on each day. Continue to eat healthy meals. Go to bed at your normal time. Keep your normal social outings. It’s easy to fall into a slump and to allow the quality of your life to deteriorate. Some parts of life change. You’ll find many things remain the same. Your heath for instance, determination, and the new you.

Avoid making your situation worse.

While taking some down time to decompress and enjoy, limit the urge to overeat, drink excessively; refuse to start using drugs. A rebound relationship also isn’t advised. Get your feet back on the ground and avoid doing anything to make your challenging circumstances ever harder.

Get out of the house.

Sometimes we want to hide home and mope. Refuse to mope. If you have friends who care about you, spend time with them. An hour or so a week will do you good. Not only can you keep personal friends. Join a yoga class, dance studio, or a golf or bowling league. Create something new you can enjoy with others. You won’t find any solutions while you’re sitting on the couch, staring out the window.

Share your feelings with a divorced friend.

We are not talking about a bash-fest, no, we are talking about sharing the hurt, the need for change, and growth. It’s important to talk to someone who has had the same experience. Confide in someone who has successfully moved on from divorce who can give feedback, offer a listening ear, and help provide you some focus for a life beyond the pain of loss.