Fear of labor pain — what helped me
By: Shruthi Rajalakshmi
Tags: Birth, Natural Birth, Labor Pains, Anxiety, Cesarian Section

As much as it was my dream to be a mother, I was terrified of labor pain. Terrified. And the impression of labor that the movies paint for us didn’t make things any better!

I wanted a baby, and now I was pregnant. Between being pregnant and having the baby, there’s labor! May be I’ll have a C section. But guess what, I was terrified of that too. Basically I believe I have low tolerance for pain, and giving birth is known to be a lot of things, including extremely painful!

Weeks were passing by and there came a time when I became obsessed with the inevitable hospital visit for labor and delivery. I was overcome with anxiety.

After several days of being anxious and restless, I shifted my focus to preparation. And finally, on the day that I went to the hospital, I had no anxiety around labor pain!

Here’s sharing with you what helped me-

(Note: the following tips can be helpful for any kind of birth including C-section)

Only positive stories

There’s enough and more horror stories about labor and delivery experiences. While they’re real stories of real people who did go through that, it really didn’t help knowing them when preparing for my own labor. Especially since this was going to be my first time. No matter what kind of experience I was actually going to have, all the moments leading up to labor was nothing but speculation. There is no way I could have any guarantee about how my labor was actually going to be. Only point in concern- my anxiety about it! And for that, positive stories were huge help. More and more of it helped me feel more and more relaxed about the experience. I did what my friend called “saturate with positive stories”. (Here is one video of a woman talking about her positive birth experience)

Animals do it

Birth of a first baby is a major life event. It is special, unique, and there is nothing like it. As exciting as that sounds, it did also help to remind myself often that I’m not the first, and will not be the last to deliver a baby. My mother, grandmother, sisters, friends, neighbors, neighbor’s friends, friends’ pets, animals in the jungle, people from another city, another country, another time period… have done it. My mother had said “millions of women are delivering a baby somewhere every day.* A friend reminded me that every single living being on this planet since the beginning of time, has been born through this process. I know that this is common knowledge, yet, it was strangely satisfying to remind myself of that fact. I was going to do what has been done over and over by millions of people. A sense of certainty in the midst of uncertainty.

Learning about the process

The labor management class I took at the hospital called labor pain “positive pain". They said that this is the only kind of pain that’s telling you that things are going the way they should (as opposed to other pains like those from injury, that are signals that something is wrong and need healing). This sensation is present in the nature of the body, with a purpose.

This video explains what happens when the uterus is working to get the baby out, and how we can help it do the job it is designed to do, and not get in it’s way.

This flipped things around for me and gave me a strong reason to learn to relax! (Other videos from this playlist were also useful)

Breathing

This is the big one. This was the most effective in-the-moment method for getting through my labor contractions. We’re breathing all the time, that’s not what I’m referring to. I followed the breathing technique demonstrated in this video. I also counted my breaths. Every time a contraction started, I immediately shifted all my focus to breathing and counting. One thing about labor contractions that I could take advantage of, is that it comes in intervals. It is not continuous (yes, I did not know that!). So by the time I got to about 8 breaths, the contraction would have, subsided. At the end of every contraction, I had a break where I could relax as much as possible, before the next one began. As the contractions got more intense, I began counting out loud so I could keep my focus on my breaths better.

I have to mention, I had practiced these techniques while imagining I’m in labor (although I had no idea what that would actually feel like) nearly every day during the last couple of months of my pregnancy. In retrospect, I’m really glad I practiced. Even though the sensations of labor were new, the breathing technique was now second nature. There is more chance that you’ll manage to drive through a rocky road safely as a practiced driver, rather than if you’ve never driven on any road before. Practice made it possible for me.

Note: I still use this technique when I feel overwhelmed as a new mother. This could help even if you’re having C-section (or any other procedure) and feel anxious about it.

Visualization

This was the most effective method to calm my mind during labor. Breathing was for the body (it did also help the mind), and visualization was for the mind (which helped the body too.. they’re too connected to make a clear distinction). This is basically closing my eyes and “watching" my baby descending through the birth canal and being born- watching it all happen in a smooth and easy way. No matter what is actually going on, visualizing that it’s going smooth and easy tricks the mind and body into believing it, helping stay calm. Staying as calm as possible was the goal (reason discussed earlier in “learning about the process").

Just like I did with breathing, I also practiced visualizing regularly. I used some of these videos to practice it. I often practiced breathing and visualizing together.

Exercising

Disclaimer- what I’m sharing here is just what I followed. It is best to follow doctor’s advise.

My doctor said I could do any exercise as long as I “listen to my body". She said that pregnancy is as normal and natural as other other bodily processes, and that unless there were complications, I could go about my life as normally as possible. In fact, she insisted on exercise, at least 20–30 minutes of walking per day, and increase duration to as far as comfortable.

I did 30–60 minute walks every day and also exercises from this YouTube channel 4-5 days a week. Note- I used to exercise even before I got pregnant, so it was not new to my body. The point my doctor made was to maintain whatever my body is used to, but not pushing too hard to the point of discomfort and exhaustion. That brings us back to “listening to the body”.

How did exercise/yoga help me with my fear of labor pain? One, it made me feel strong and capable that I could be active and flexible (safely) even with a growing tummy. Was a boost to self confidence. Two, the trainer in the YouTube channel (Jessica) has exercise videos specifically for labor preparation. Doing those

regularly and listening to her cheering on moms-to-be was a booster. (This video and this video were my favorite routines.) Three, although I don’t have a way to verify this, I believe that the months of exercise and walking (started consistently from second trimester) helped me build up the much required stamina during labor. It’s like a friend of my told me — I got the feeling we get when we’ve prepared really well for an exam.

Encouragement

I made sure I most often spoke to people who were encouraging. Lucky for me, my mother, cousins, close friends were all very encouraging. I also had fellow mom-to-be friends and recent-mom friends who were going through similar experiences. Cheering for each other reminded me that I was not alone in my fears. If anybody tended to tell me that it’s going to be bad (horrible, terrible and words like that), I tried my best to avoid discussing labor with them. And every time I had any doubts about my ability to deal with labor, my beautiful friends and family always cheered for me and told me I could do it. Hearing that over the course of time was very reassuring.

Support person

I wish my mother was there with me during labor, she is most soothing presence for me. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic and us being in two different countries, that did not happen.

My husband was with me through my pregnancy as well as labor. He was an excellent support person. Firstly, he kept my mother updated in real time, every moment, all the way during our stay at the hospital. That was very important to me. Apart from that, he was present with me every moment, fully alert to my needs. He had snacks and electrolyte water available and offered me a bite, a sip every few minutes. He was right next to me if I needed a hand. Towards the end when I wasn’t talking, and conserving every little bit of energy I had left, he took care of all communication with the medical team. Having him, a person I could trust fully, by my side, was instrumental in staying calm through labor. All I had to do was focus on myself- the breathing, visualizing and relaxing, and he took care of everything else, while also being fully available for me. Having highly efficient and empathetic nurses was a plus!

All of the above helped me have an experience that was not scary at all. It was intense no doubt, but far from scary, enabling me to look back and feel good about it rather than dread the memory.

I must mention that although I did deliver normally, I was open to all kinds of possibilities- short or long labor, normal or C-section, induced or natural, aided or not aided, epidural or no epidural. If I had learnt one thing from the tens of stories I’d heard from my friends and family, it is that every birth story is different, and it is best to expect surprises, and go with the flow. The last thing I wanted was disappointment around my birth experience. No matter how it went, it was going to be beautiful since it was going to result in the arrival of my little one.

I sincerely hope this helps. Wishing you (or someone you might share this with) a smooth pregnancy and a positive labor/delivery experience!