How Should You Respond to Adversity? First, say, “Thank you!”
By: Drew Torres
Tags: Basketball Coaching, Basketball Training, Basketball, Parenting Advice, Parenting

So, to recap, a modern-day coach at the public high school must be a skilled psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, teacher. They must also know how to diffuse angry parents, handle adversity, prevent team overconfidence, mentor, disarm possible shooters, and, oh yeah, be skilled in Xs and O’s.

They also must know the end of game tactics, motivation, how to get selfish kids and parents to buy into their roles and sacrifice for the team. Yet once again, most coaching clinics only deal with the Xs and O’s.

Fortunately for me, I had great mentors to help me navigate these treacherous waters. Older coaches who had been there before. And I also learned to study outside the sport of basketball by diving into stoicism philosophy, leadership, business, psychology, to name a few.

When I was a younger coach going through these challenges, I would get frustrated and wish I could coach kids who bought in and understand parents who let me coach without trying to tell me what they thought I should do, which would benefit their child. But that was rare.

The crazy thing is that it did happen in my first-ever season as a coach. We had coaches, parents, and players on the same page. It indeed was an excellent season. I thought this coaching thing was going to be easy. I was so wrong.

However, I realized the challenging situations in my coaching career made me much better at my craft! And, the path to improvement goes through difficulties, challenges, and adversity because I had to find solutions to these problems.

So, first, I had to study, read, talk to mentors, spend time deep in thought. Then I had to test, experiment, observe and then reflect. And along the way, I came up with some gold nuggets that would prove helpful the next time I encountered a similar situation.

Each gold nugget was like a tool I could use when needed. So I placed the device in a tool belt that rested around my waist, ready to use when the time called for it. Eventually, my tool belt got heavier and heavier over time until I had a full, rich, and diverse belt.

I realized that I would never have developed the tools that made me a better coach without the challenges and difficulties. But, if I did coach a team of high-character kids who bought in and had understanding parents, then I wouldn’t have improved. So now, I’ve learned to say “Thank you” to all the challenging players and parents I have come across.

What these challenges have also given me is thick rhino skin. The rhino skin has been developed through years and years and has been callused so much that when someone wants to criticize me now, they don’t affect me because they cannot penetrate the thick, callused rhino skin. So once again, I say “Thank you” for all the challenges I have faced for making me stronger.

I wonder what would happen if the parents took the same approach. What if when their child wasn’t getting adequate playing time, they used it as a way to teach mental toughness and develop life skills?

And what if the parent used it themselves to become better by learning and practicing to journal, meditation, prayer, and exercise. If that happened, we would evoke real change that would make youth sports and the world a better place.

So I challenge our society and communities to embrace pain, struggle, and difficulties as it was once said, “smooth seas never made a strong sailor.”

The late, great basketball coach Rick Majerus once said, “Parents want to take all the pain, all the heartache and all the sadness out of their kids lives. All the things that make you a better person, a better coach, a better teacher- all the things that are so much the fabric of our life. I’m so much better for every loss I’ve had. You become so much better a person for all the bad things that happen to you. But all these helicopter parents, they just hover there and they want to take all that away from their kids. They just don’t want them to fight through it.”

So, what happens instead, parents blame the coach and take the responsibility and accountability off their child. Therefore, the child fails to reflect, work harder and learn and grow.

Final Thoughts

Let’s change all of that. Next time your child goes through those struggles, learn to say, “Thank you.”

Embrace it, flip the script, change your perspective and instead use it to teach real-life lessons. Try this the next time something terrible happens to you or your child: write down three positives about that situation. Then, train yourself to find the good in every bad situation.

We should be striving to become the best possible version of ourselves. But instead, we compare ourselves to others and focus on outcomes. That only leads to disappointment and unhappiness.

Instead, we should strive for constant improvement and learn to enjoy the journey. And if we can find a way to enjoy the struggles, too, then we will make the world a better place.

But for this to happen, we must work hard and be patient because nothing extraordinary will happen overnight. We must learn to delay gratification. And if you do that, watch how your child gradually develops mental toughness and positive character traits that will serve them not only in sports but for a lifetime in whatever career they enter.

That’s what youth sports should be, a training ground to learn and apply life lessons and positive character traits. So enjoy the journey, struggles, and all. Learn to say, “Thank you!”