There is something about running
By: Lyla Sulaiman
Tags: Lifehacks, Career Paths, Self-awareness, Running

i run. running is my lifeline. i don’t run with the purpose of losing weight. i did lose weight since i started running, but it is not the point. i run because i need it.

i restarted running, or exercise for that matter, after being unfit without any exercises for years. i took on a full-time job that i did not like, being surrounded by office politics and toxic environment. i put myself under a lot of stress and saw no light at the end of the tunnel, burnt out — the rest was just a downward spiral. no amount of money or glory could bring me back there. however, i never look back and regret. i would have never found the saving grace of running if i hadn’t been in that state.

when i struck out back to being independent and restarting to work for myself, i had limited savings and did not want to spend unnecessarily. not that i didn’t want to spend money for a gym membership, i just never cared for gyms. being in a confined space with other sweaty skimpy-clothed strangers just does not appeal to me. the thing about running, it is actually virtually free and it can be done almost anywhere at anytime. the simplicity of it just adds to the charm.

it took me a while to get back into the groove of running. i was a runner in high school, but that was decades ago and it is pointless to be sentimental about that. starting or restarting anything is always hard. when i was getting back to running, my body felt like it went through an apocalypse — my legs lost their senses, i felt like my lung constantly needed resuscitation, my mind reached a debilitating state. and then, after three, four, five sessions, i gradually gained endurance, not just physical, but mostly mental resilience — three kilometers, five, eight, ten, fifteen. i started running ten to fifteen kilometers on regular basis. then i reached this state of runners’ high. i start to look forward to running after work. it is still hard at times, but not as hard as when i first started. some days are better than others. the thought of being in post-run endorphin nirvana is always a motivation.

i run alone. i have never been a competitive sportswoman. it does not mean i am not competitive, i just don’t like competing against others. everyone is their own person, with their own capacity and pace. I find it silly to compare oneself with others. i do always want to be a better version of myself today than yesterday. i think this is why running suits me best. some people asked if i run with other people. some asked me to run with them. but i prefer to run alone. i love the solitude. when i run, it’s my time alone with myself. there is something solemn about it; there is no specific destination, time to beat or anyone to compete against. my brain shuts down, there is only a sense of void.

there are many times during the run when my body wants to stop but my brain commands my muscles to keep going, i find myself to switch mode to auto-propel, especially with the right playlist on my spotify. i see a lot of similarities how i command my life, especially in relation to my work. my mind is either my best counsel or my biggest enemy. sometimes i have to trust myself to find out how resilient i have become. running — or living, working or being — is a matter of how you steer your mind. you either go on, or you don’t, your mind gets to decide. when i conquer my own mind, my own demon, i feel absolutely empowered.

there are a lot in running. you hear this often; career, relationships, life are series of marathon, not a sprint. i think for the most part, running has taught me to keep going, even when i lose a direction. i find solace in knowing that i am able to keep going.

at least keeping going is better than not moving at all. because even if i feel lost, at one point i will arrive at a place.