I’m obese and I don’t need your pep talk
By: Nataly U
Tags: Empowerment, Discrimination, Dating Advice, Dating, Personal Development

Photos by: rf._.studio

Really, that’s not a way to pick up curvy girls.

Saturday night, time to have a few beers with friends, maybe even dance a little, and have some well-deserved (and long overdue) fun! Until, out of nowhere, one of the men in the room fixes his gaze upon you and decides to buy you, a full-figured lady, a drink.

Some people find it incredible that men approach you when you are overweight. But as “unbelievable” as it sounds, there are many who find us curvy women attractive. We are also beautiful just the way we are, without losing weight, without undergoing surgery. Overweight people can also be sexually appealing. Shocking, huh?

But there’s one problem that affects the entire plus size dating game: Pep talks. Maybe it’s only me, but there’s nothing I found more upsetting than a man feeling the need to talk about my weight as a way to catch my attention.

My size is not an invitation:

My extra pounds are part of how I look, but my size is not an invitation to discuss other people’s beliefs regarding obesity. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been approached by a man, attractive and otherwise, clearly interested in me at a sexual level. All goes well enough until he botches it up by spewing out something along the lines of:

“You know, I find girls your size very attractive… DESPITE the extra pounds.”

Or “I find you to be very attractive EVEN THOUGH you’re overweight.”

Or how about, “You’re so hot! I know that after losing a few pounds, you would look even hotter!”

And, for the coup de grace- “I have a thing for curves, baby. I prefer my women with some extra meat on them. You know, more cushion for the pushin’!”

Thank you! That’s all I want to hear today. A man saying how he finds my “extra” body mass appealing to his taste. Aren’t you a catch! Thank you for undressing me with your eyes and mind in public.

Look dude, you’re clearly here talking to me because you would love to take this further. You don’t know who I am, know nothing about my habits, workout routine, or hobbies… Yet you think of me as easy prey because I look different? Being overweight suddenly turned me into the devil’s reject? No thanks, bro. Take your tired, sorry-ass Casanova routine back home.

Do you really want to get some?

I know we live in a world that is plagued by Fatphobia, disguised as “healthy living.” Don’t you have self-confidence issues? Have you tried to lose weight? Well, I’m not answering such questions anymore. And here’s why.

No, you are not motivating me by telling me to lose weight.

Yes, you’re making me feel uncomfortable and triggering insecurities by being so aggressive regarding my looks.

No, you’re not seducing me by playing the “I have dated girls LIKE you” card.

By saying things such as these, in the best case scenarios, you’re only going to get the “is he for real” gaze and a fake phone number.

But I’m attracted to women with a sexy hour-glass shape….

What should you do?

Introduce yourself, make eye contact, ask questions, listen. AND REPEAT!

No matter how fetishistic you may be, no woman wants to be made to feel like an object whose attractiveness rests solely on an external quality. What do you mean when you say you like curvy women like me? Here’s my take on it: you’d date anyone just because they’re curvy. You are not seeing me as a person, but as something placed there to fulfill your fantasies.

Please, men across the globe: stop playing seduction games and start being real. We would all really appreciate it, especially us curvy ladies.

Have you scared away the curvy girl of your dreams by acting like this? Have men treated you as if you were a chunk of meat? Please, I want to hear everything about it!