How to get people to shUT UP- politely
Tags: Tips, How To, Tips And Tricks, Shut Up, Funny

Now that I’ve got your attention-

Lesson one: Never say, “Shut up.”

Firstly, before I start with any of my nonsensical, works-for-me-what-about-you tricks, are you possibly here looking for voodoo-magic that would shut your chemistry teacher from talking about carbon again? If yes, I’m sorry, move along- not the right article for you. (P.S. If you find one, send it to me asap, thanks.)

Coming back to the topic, the first questions you should be asking yourself is who and why. Look at it this way- has shouting at your grandmother “I DON’T WANT ANY FOOD!” ever stopped her bringing you more? Probably not. (And if it has, you 90% have a silent treatment coming right along your road.)

After analyzing the who (not that hard, I hope) comes the tricky part: why. Not why is the person in front of you continuously blabbering- but why you are getting so annoyed by it. Is it because you’re hangry? If that, then no problem: interrupt the person after they complete a sentence with a “Hey, I’d love to hear about this over a cup of coffee, would you like to join me?” And it doesn’t really matter if you don’t want to hear about it because once you have the food, then the mind’s happy, and bonus- you just have to nod because your mouth is full.

Moving forth, analyse what the person is talking about. You don’t have to join the what seems like never-ending rambling; just their point. Unless they are talking about their feelings and our on the verge of tears, the following are easy tips to get them to stop talking:

Nod your head repeatedly and quickly. This symbolises both understanding and urgency. If it’s a light topic, interrupt them and change it. A light topic could include anything from how much those new pair of shoes cost to how their child is always crying. (Warning: if it does turn out to be the latter, please, for the sake of your relation, do not tell them to shut up.) Probably the easiest in the lot- cut the call. I don’t mean literally- that would be extremely rude. Cut the call as in telling them that you’d love to talk and hear them out, but you have to leave. The ‘Just a second’ trick. This one’s my favourite. You randomly go and say, “Just a second, but did I tell you about my uncle’s new cat?”, or, “Dude, I’m so sorry to interrupt but did you listen to that new Taylor Swift song? I can’t get it out of my head….” and so on. Food. As mentioned a few paras ago, it’s possible that if you aren’t hungry- the person who’s talking to you might be. Sneak them into the nearest cafe and buy them a sandwich. This is my least favourite, but a rather effective method. Scream louder to assert dominance. Before you take this literally, there a few rules to keep in mind before you do this (if you absolutely must).

First, you should know the person well. Screaming at that friend you made yesterday is not solidifying your relationship.

Second, you should be sure that they’re actually rambling, which is why the first point.

Lastly, you should know that they won’t actually mind the shouting after they’ve gotten mental haze in which they’re rambling. And the final: let them get it out. I know, I know. The whole point of this was to help you shut people up but you’d be surprised if you saw how nice they can be to you after getting it out of their system.

I’ve never had a situation which could not be handled with these so there’s that.

So that’s all for me, folks. Let me know what you think in the comment- wait a minute, this isn’t YouTube?