Shifting Gears For The School Year
By: Julie Ross
Tags: Education, Parenthood, Parenting Advice, Parents, Parenting

Of all the myriad aspects that make up the school year — routines, extracurricular activities, early mornings, pick up and drop off plans — the one that often challenges parents the most is helping their children find a balance between homework and screen time. Most parents (and children too!) close their eyes to the clash that will inevitably occur and find themselves embattled in power struggles and tantrums once homework passes through the portals of their previously calm home. After all, what kid wants to limit their screen time in order to do homework?

Closing our eyes, though, and pretending that it’s going to be fine is not a terribly effective strategy. Instead, let’s take a more proactive stance and see how you can set your child up for success — whether school has already begun for your child or not.

First, let’s look at a basic truth: people are more likely to live by rules or guidelines that they help make up. Most schools recognize this and engage students in discussion at the beginning of the school year about classroom rules finding that, in doing so, children remember the rules more clearly and stick to them more closely. This basic principle is also useful in dealing with the balance of homework and screen time in a family.

Have a discussion with your child and tell them that you’d like to settle upon a satisfactory arrangement for both of you with regard to how and when the homework gets done, and what amount of screen time feels right. Elicit your child’s opinion about what they think their needs might be. Ask your child when they think the best time to do homework would be and how to manage screen time as part of their school year. As you listen, keep in mind some basic guidelines that will make this discussion a productive one:

Listen without judgement. This is perhaps the most difficult of the guidelines, yet one of the most critical. Remember that if you appear judgmental, if you shoot down your child’s ideas (as wild and crazy as they may sound) then your child will get the impression that this is not a discussion at all, but simply a way to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do. Remember that the object of this discussion is to allow your child to help make up the rules for homework and screen time and it will backfire the minute they think it’s a ploy to force your ideas upon them.

Write down the key points that both you and your child make during this discussion. Children feel taken seriously when you write down what they say. The more seriously your child feels you take them, the more likely they are to take themselves (and their homework) seriously.

Remember that different personalities have different needs. Some children do much better with a “work first, play later” philosophy. This means that a schedule for homework that involves eating an after school snack while they do their homework and having screen time afterwards will be conducive to getting their homework done quickly and efficiently. Other children, however, need a half hour or so of “down time” after school to use their screens. If your child feels that some down time is necessary, respect that need. But don’t make the amount of time open-ended. Ask them to set a specific time that will signify the end of “down time” and the beginning of homework. Obviously, if your child chooses to have screen time before homework, there’s the distinct possibility that an argument will ensue once you ask them to shut the screen down. If this occurs, remember that you’re the parent and you may need to impose a consequence. Tell your child that they have a choice: They can either shut down the screens at the time you agreed upon or they will lose screen time altogether the next day. When you have to impose a consequence it’s important that it be short lived (one day) so that your child has a chance to try again fairly quickly to take responsibility for their actions.

Don’t let things get too late. Most kids don’t do particularly well on homework if it’s done close to bedtime. However, if your child wants to do homework immediately prior to bed agree to try it for a week, with the arrangement that if it’s not working out, either because bedtime then gets pushed too late or because your child has trouble thinking clearly at that hour, then the two of you will come up with a different time frame.

Remember your role. The more you can remain your child’s advocate as opposed to your child’s critic, the better your relationship will be and the better homework your child will produce. Allow your child’s teacher to do his or her job — that of teaching your child. If your child’s homework isn’t “perfect” let them go to school with it that way and trust that the teacher will make the necessary corrections. If the teacher doesn’t, then it’s time for a parent-teacher conference. *

Review your agreement. Tell your child that the “rules” you set up for the how and when of doing homework will be reviewed in a week or so by the two of you to determine how it’s working out. That way, neither of you will feel stuck in a system that’s not functioning properly. Be sure to set up a specific date and time for this review.

Remember the 6–8 week rule: It takes children, parents and even teachers between six to eight weeks to adjust to a new school year, NO MATTER WHAT GRADE your child is entering! So if things are a little rocky, if a power struggle pops up now and then, if everyone seems a little cranky at first, keep in mind that usually by Halloween (or a little after) most families have adjusted to the demands and routines of a new school year.