The Beauty Of Letting People In
By: Therapists Over A Cup Of Tea
Tags: Therapy, Mental Health, Relationships, Acceptance, Psychology

Isn’t it one of the greatest feelings in the world when someone openly tells you how much you mean to them? It is unfortunate that stuff like that is so rare now. What really happened to being honest, and straightforward with the people close to us? Why is it so hard nowadays to have even one genuine friendship/ relationship?

Seems like we have become so used to being diplomatic and political in our lives — with our colleagues, bosses, relatives, at social functions, on social media that consciously or unconsciously we have started to play games even with the people we care about, the people we supposedly “love”.

It is sad that we aren’t truly ourselves even at home with our family.

As parents, we are pressurising the kids to pursue activities that make us look good in society. We’d rather have our children go for an extra class than sit and spend time, and bond with us. As kids, we are manipulating the parents to get what we want. We have literally started to have two different personalities — one around our parents and another in our social circle. Both of which are, unfortunately, a facade.

Whether we are married, or in a relationship for years, the majority of us are still finding our relationship empty. Still lacking the emotional connection. Inevitably, we end up either trying to find that connect outside or finding meaning in other things.

Interestingly, the latest trend is to in fact show the opposite of what we are truly feeling.

I have a huge crush on this girl. The logical behaviour would be to go and ask her out on a date, right? But no, I wouldn’t even give her subtle hints that I like her. Instead, I would be nonchalant around her, act busy and hard to get. We have become experts in making that poker face; life has in turn become nothing more than a poker game; and the fellow human beings, our opponents.

When, really, was the last time you were truly honest with someone, about your feelings, your insecurities, your dreams, your passions, your worries, and your hopes? When was the last time you had a long chat with someone without diplomacy, without filters, and without any ulterior motive? Just a genuine, sincere, and profound conversation about you, your life, and your future?

The irony is that our expectations from relationships have not shrunk. We still want mature relationships. We want that deep connection, that sense of belonging. But we just don’t have the courage to let our guards down. We don’t have the patience and time to build on that bond. We have become so busy chasing materialistic dreams that we are forgetting that real success is about happiness. It is about having close people around who genuinely care for you. It is about the joy of sharing our dreams, of bonding with another human being on a deeper level, and of loving wholeheartedly.

I read somewhere that we are turning into a scared generation — scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken. So much that we don’t allow anyone in, nor do we step out and love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind walls we’ve created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want to bare our soul to anyone. We’re too guarded.

Yes, it can get difficult to let people in, into this devious world. It is difficult to trust, to be vulnerable, to show your weaknesses. You can be taken advantage of, you can be betrayed, you may be judged for your flaws. But we have to realize that this fear is making us miss out on the most beautiful range of emotions, and bonds — something that we all are looking for on a deeper level. Try and remember that feeling. We all have felt it sometime in our lives, during our childhood, or with that one close friend. Try and remember how beautiful it was, to just be you — in a complete sense without having to fake any emotions, without having to lie, or hide, or makeup something, to be able to share your hopes and dreams, and passions with another human being. And in return to be able to be that container for another human being, and hear them tell you about a whole new side of them. That feeling is something that no money, fame, popularity can give you.

The good news is that we all know by instinct — the people who will take advantage of us and the ones who will love us even more for trusting them, and for showing them the whole of ourselves! There have been several studies too which have proven that more often than not, our instincts are right. So the probability of getting cheated or betrayed really isn’t that high.

So go tell your crush about your feelings towards her; tell your spouse about the insecurities you’ve been feeling; tell your parents about your real passions, hopes, and dreams. Start letting people in, start telling them what you really feel. You’ll notice that soon they start letting you in too. And you know what, that’s when the magic unfolds.

The truth is, those deep, genuine, unconditional kind of relationships — the kind we see in movies, the kind we read in fairy tales, the kind we’ve always wanted and are looking for, do exist. If only we removed the facades we have added to ourselves.

Written by Charvi Jain