Better than New Year Resolutions
By: Ismail Elouafiq
Tags: Self Improvement, New Year Resolution, Self Help

Better than New Year Resolutions

You know when you find a shirt that you love, and you realize that it has been so long since you used it?

You know, that shirt that was hiding on the back of your wardrobe. Hiding behind the ugly sweater that your brother-in-law Peter gave you as a gift. The sweater you were never gonna wear but you kept there just in case?

What does that shirt have to do with new year resolutions? Well, if you really want to use that shirt, you gotta get rid of the sweater.

The shirt is a metaphor. A metaphor for all the things we love to do that get lost behind the things we think we have to do. The people we love, that we forget, as we spend time trying to please random Peters.

If you want to get to that shirt that makes you happy, you need to clean your wardrobe. If you want to clean your wardrobe: you select the clothes you love, and discard the ones you don’t.

In the same way, instead of setting what you do for the next year. Go through what you were doing the past year. What should you keep? What should you discard?

Do you need to do that at the end of the year? I personally love the start of a new year. But for me, the new year does not start on the 1st of January, nor does a new day start at midnight. I once woke up at 1am, realizing that I slept through new year’s eve. For the first time in the whole year, I went to bed as early as at 10pm. I tried to feel disappointed, but I could not care any less.

But whenever I take a plane, or a train. When the ride is long enough. When there is no wifi, and a lot of time: I reflect on the past year, and the one to come. But how?

What is this New Year Dissolutions thing anyway

It’s a three step exercise where you can go through the past year. Deconstruct it and see how to address the next year from that point of you.

And, well.. dissolutions rhymes with resolutions. This exercise may take you about 30 minutes to 1 hour. But it can have a lot of value for the year to come. At least, this has been the case for me, which is why I have been doing this consistently. But, when is the right time to do this? If the end of 2020 feels like the beginning of a new year for you, then that may be the right time.

If another event feels more like the beginning of a new year, do it then. Like the end of a Ph.D., the end of studies, moving out.

I usually do this twice a year actually. Basically, when I’m traveling back to visit home, in Morocco. But I also did it when I changed cities, or when I changed jobs, or even when I ended my studies.

Step 1— go get a piece of paper

And if you prefer to use your laptop, then use it.

Split the paper into two sides (you will need this later, trust me)

One side for the good stuff, you may name it as you wish.

And one side for the not so good stuff.

Step 2— just go through the whole year, week by week

What activities (or events), people and habits, contributed to most of your happy feelings during the year? And which ones did the opposite.

In the paper that you prepared in step 1. Carefullu scan through the past year and write down:

— Activities or Events

— People

— Habits

If these contributed to you feeling good and happy, put them down in the good stuff part. Otherwise, just put them on the other part.

I typically go through a combination of google Calendar, a google sheet where I keep notes, and my photos as well. If you have a journal or anything else, use that. Don’t have any of this? Use your memory then.

Stuff you casually say, when you see your favorite day

It’s fun to set up new goals for 2021. It’s exciting to imagine that next year: you will start swimming every morning, reading three books at breakfast, gluten-free breakfast, of course. But just like adding a new piece of furniture, it only makes sense if you have space for it. This is where the next step comes in.

Step 3 — Select, eliminate and schedule

“The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t” — Marie Kondo

As cheesy as it sounds, the next step is to select only what sparks joy. From the list above:

1 — Select the top 20% of activities etc. that result in 80% of your happy feelings.

2 — Then select the top 20% of activities etc. that result in 80% of the opposite feelings.

Now that you have these on a list. Schedule them! Put them down on the calendar, the next year will go as fast as this past one did. Get rid of the things that make you miserable, even if they’re already planned. Or in Marie Kondo terms, tell them: “Thank you and Goodbye”.

Schedule time for the people you love, for the things you love doing. Because sometimes when you do not make those decisions. Someone else ends up making them for you.

Make sure you choose the things you can control, though. For example, the winter darkness may make you feel bad, and so can the spread of a virus. But these are all things you cannot control, at least I know I couldn’t. So choose the things that you can control, leave the rest.

You control how you play. Not whether you win. You control how you play. Not if the crowd cheers you on. Not if the wind is on your side. All you control is how you play.

Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” — Epictetus

Oh and maybe go buy some toilet paper, you never now.

Wish you all the best for 2021 and beyond