When Your Partner Has More “Me Time” Than You Do
By: Karen Nimmo
Tags: Mental Health, Psychology, Love, Self Improvement, Relationships

We all know about the importance of “me time”.

We know it’s healthy to carve out time for ourselves, to do our own thing, even if it’s just to slow the heart rate between the never-ending demands of work, home and life admin.

But what about when you have to barricade yourself in the bathroom just to get a few minutes to yourself?

What about when your partner heads for the gym, then out for a drink after, while you stay home fighting the avalanche of “stuff” you have to do?

What about their cheerful goodbye makes you burn with resentment?

How Do I Know I Need More “Me Time”?

By definition, “me time” is the space you get (or carve out or beg for) to do things you want to do — when you bust free of the Cycle of Duty and act for yourself.

Frustration at a lack of “me time” is commonly raised in therapy, as people (more commonly women, but men too) battle life’s relentless noise.

And it’s a valid concern. When we don’t get a break — time to unwind — we raise the risk of burnout — emotionally, physically and in our relationships.

Here are the signs you’re heading down that path.

You can’t name when you last had fun.

You constantly feel irritable with people you love.

You can barely face taking a phone call — even from a good friend.

You feel constantly overwhelmed and ineffective.

You’ve become more negative and cynical about people and life generally.

You’ve lost your motivation to stick to healthy habits (e.g. eating well, drinking in moderation, regular exercise).

Even when you get “me time” you can’t get fired up about using it.

What IS “Me Time” — and what ISN’T?

“Me time” is simply time free of obligation. But as life gets more frantic, there’s a tendency for anything we can squeeze into our days without partners or family is squared off as “me time”. Do you recognise any of these?

* Haircuts.

Once long ago, when people had time, getting a cut/colour while flicking through a magazine was a relaxing thing to do. But times have changed. Hair salon is now another name for virtual office. Catching up on emails isn’t “me time.”

* Doctor’s visits.

Seriously? You’re sick. Or you’re checking in on your physical health. Getting a Pap smear or a prostate check are not “me time”.

* Date night.

No, date nights are for the benefit of your partner too. Hopefully.

* Therapy.

Yes, therapy is valuable time to focus on yourself. But anyone who thinks therapy is chill-time is dreaming. It takes courage and emotional energy; it can be intense, it can make you cry. The coffee you treat yourself to after, though, does count.

* Exercise.

Exercise is “me time” IF YOU LOVE IT. But for most of us, it’s duty. It’s body maintenance. It’s to counter our penchant for cheese. It’s essential to our mental function. It’s not filed under category “fun.”

So How do I Create More Time For Me?

Here are the four essential strategies.

1. Rate yourself.

Know you are worth spending time with — and on. That’s the only way you will prioritise yourself — and your use of time.

2. Know what’s fun for you.

Don’t be someone who doesn’t know what to do with your time when you get some. “Me time” can — and should — be exactly what YOU want it to be. Some people want to socialise, some like to sit alone in a movie theatre, others have a facial or a massage or a bath. Pick what works for you and ask the people you love to help you find time for it.

3. You don’t need heaps of time.

There are times in our lives when we’re Just So Busy. So don’t aim for hours of “me time” because you’ll be left permanently discontented. Just make sure what you do is (1) regular and (2) refreshing.

4. Guard your time like a lion.

Don’t bail on your “me time” plans as soon as someone demands something of you. When you diary and keep your plans, your self-respect will rise. So will the respect others have for you. And that may be the biggest win of all.

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