Closing the Door
By: Katarzyna Orłow
Tags: Goodbye, Relationships, Letting Go, Loss, Sadness

Letting go of people who don’t want to be in your life

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

Today I wanted to write something important, refreshing, for everyone. However, the moment when I am in life means that I can’t focus fully on anything but experiencing what is happening around. I said goodbye to someone important to me today. I did it, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to keep going.

You could say I stopped staring at the closed door and turned the other way because that was what I had to do.

I promised myself at the beginning of the year that I would not do anything against myself and that I would be honest in everything I do. So what the hell? — you might think. Well, yes, I was honest, I said what I felt and thought, and then I had to say goodbye. As adults, people often need acceptance and adaptation to the conditions, taking into account also the feelings and actions of other people. It means, more or less, recognizing situations where stubbornness is nothing more than banging your head against a wall. And that’s not good for you.

The fact that we are ready for something or for someone at a certain point in life does not mean that others are also ready. It’s a very individual matter at what point in our lives we meet each other. Realizing that we want something or not can also mean that we will have to be patient and do something completely different. I know it’s confusing, but I try to figure it out myself.

Coming back to the goodbye I have mentioned above. There are times in life that we cannot move forward. It doesn’t matter if it’s because of a broken heart, broken hopes, or any other kind of loss. We are stuck in a place full of regret and dilemma. However, there comes a point where, regardless of our condition, we must shake off. Yes, I know

sinking into sadness is so much easier. It’s like getting bogged down in a thick chocolate pudding. It is so cosy, you feel so warm and safe to feel sorry for yourself.

Being rejected always hurts. We take the loss personally, in terms of pride and ego, of self-esteem as a human being. This is the way things are. It takes time and self-understanding for it to stop hurting. Pretending that nothing happened is only delaying the inevitable — having to work through the loss. I lived with hope, I was deluded, I was naive, you can call it that. I pretended it was okay because I was counting on it wasn’t over. The truth was, I had to say when it would be over. End for me.

In fact, I moved on to the next stage. No, I am not completely healed because despite saying goodbye, sincere and conscious, I am still sad. However, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself or miss this person anymore. I want to swallow the lump in my throat and open to what I’m missing when I focus on the past. Why? Well, you can come up with a list of reasons which applies to any interpersonal relationships which are to be over:

you deserve it not to be just an entertainment or an option you should have relationship that you can share with the world, not hide you can’t wait forever for someone to think it through and decide that you’re worth it you shouldn’t ask for attention and affection — it supposed to be natural if you give yourself, it should not embarrass anyone you should know your worth

Maybe I’ll cry over it today one more time. In the evening, when the children go to bed. In the morning I will try to look at things differently and not turn back regretfully looking at the closed door.