7 Bitter Pills to Swallow to Fix Your Broken Heart
By: Jasmin El-I
Tags: Women, Breakups, Love, Relationships Love Dating, Relationships

I’m not an enlightened love guru. Neither am I a lucky possessor of a heart made of steel or stone. However, just like most people my age, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks. Thankfully, I was supported and counseled by thoughtful family and friends. I’ve paid it forward by comforting many acquaintances and even strangers who were too vulnerable to hide their agony and were quite willing to be advised.

My experiences and other people’s enabled me to come up with this honest but scathing cure to heartaches. Bitter pills to swallow as they may be, but these are the 7 harsh truths I wish to impart to others whose hearts are currently aching and need mending:

1. It’s going to hurt, like hell.

That’s right, you can’t avoid getting through the pain, but the good news is, it won’t stay. It will eventually vanish. It’s like the flu that has to run its course. You’ll be miserable for weeks and probably months, but it won’t last forever. You have to keep in mind that it’s not permanent. Your grief and loneliness will fade away sooner or later. Just grieve, cry it out. It won’t bother you anymore once you pass this stage.

“I can’t live anymore. It’s too much. I don’t know how I’ll survive this.”

Oh, you will. Again, cry it out, sob, wail, scream! Go through the grieving process, and you’ll be fine.

To quote one of the best poets of all time, Robert Frost — “In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

2. There’s no such thing as closure so stop waiting for it.

“Closure has come to me myself

You will never belong to me

The closure has come to my myself.

You will never belong to me …”

That’s from the song Closure by Chevelle.

Credit: Youtube

The song says it all. When a person decides to put an end to their relationship with you, that’s it. There’s no love left for you anymore. What used to burn like fire got extinguished and impossible to get re-ignited.

There’s a saying that goes, “you mostly hurt the ones you love.” It doesn’t apply in this case, so please don’t use it to justify their actions. They’ve quit on you. They’ve felt the need to move on with their life, not with you but without you. Let that sink in, and let that be the closure you keep on waiting for.

It’s done. Stop chasing a lost cause.

3. It’s finished. Stop Googling How to get back with your ex or how soon before your ex contacts you, or why your ex broke up with you.

“It says here give it a few days and he’ll contact me. Maybe he’ll explain everything. I just need some answers. I’m so confused. I thought he loved me and would never leave me. How can I get him back?”

You’re only torturing yourself with false hope. You’re prolonging your suffering, which is useless. They’ve already severed ties with you, and no amount of how-to articles can bring them back. The best thing you can do is get off the Internet and discontinue throwing away valuable hours looking at ways to appease an abandoner. Whatever their reasons are shouldn’t be of importance to you now. It’s tough to accept, but the truth is, they’re done with you, so you aren’t together anymore. As Tupac Shakur mentioned;

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…, or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.”

4. It’s done. It’s over. Stop waiting for their text or call.

Ditch your phone and avoid social media while you’re still aching. They’re not going to text or call you. When they do, don’t entertain it. It usually ends in disaster. The relationship ended because it had to. Communicating so soon can only aggravate an already fragile situation. Don’t text or call them, hoping they’ll come running back to you. Don’t waste your precious time waiting for a reconciliatory message or a call that might never come.

Let it go. What’s done is done. It’s adios mi amor.

5. They’re not that into you.

You must have read the book or seen the movie? One of my sisters didn’t like the film. She thinks there are many reasons why a person ends a relationship.

According to her, maybe they have personal problems or are scared of commitment due to past relationship woes, etc. Yes, I think she’s got valid points, but at the same time, I still believe that the person who dumped you is not 100% into you.

There’s no burning desire to be with you nor undying affection or devotion to you because they don’t have these feelings for you. Period. There’s no intention to take it to the next level because they aren’t into you. They don’t like you enough. It’s plain and simple.

It is a bitter pill to swallow, but you really can’t blame them, especially if they’d been honest about it right away instead of stringing you along. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t harbor the same feelings as yours anyway.

6. Feelings change over time.

Yes, you must have done everything you could to appease them. You’ve sacrificed your own time and happiness to see them fulfill their dreams. You forgot about yourself in the process of loving them, and yet, they’ve chosen to be with someone else. It’s harsh, but feelings change over time, and there’s nothing we can do about it. The most hurtful fact is that you can’t make anybody love you no matter what you do. You can’t force anyone to stay.

What’s good about it is that the relationship had to cease to allow you to meet the right person for you. That ex of yours belongs to someone else, and so do you. Someone much better will come along and if it doesn’t happen, be at peace with the thought that your time isn’t getting squandered by forcing a bond with the wrong partner.

It’s the end. Move forwards.

7. Rejection sucks, but it is a part of life.

We sometimes get spoilt by the way things get done in our favor. Disappointments barely come by, so we get this notion that nothing can go wrong, and no one can refuse us.

“ I gave him everything I could. We were very happy together. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him. How could he break up with me? What have I done wrong?

While I understand the importance of getting these questions answered, I believe that obtaining them is a futile attempt. You’ll probably hear half-truths if not blatant lies. You’re only subjecting yourself to everlasting agony.

So, are you hurting because you love this person who dismissed you? Or, is it because you hate being rejected?

Either way, I’m sure we all agree that rejection can be the source of unexplainable pain, but whether we like it or not, it’s going to happen now and then as long as we’re alive.