How One Year of Sobriety Changed My Life
By: Krista Aoki
Tags: Addiction, Sobriety, Self, Personal Development, Alcohol

A part of the reason why I drank was because my identity was tied to it. I enjoyed my reputation of “being able to keep up with the boys” drinking from before dusk till past dawn.

I had a fun relationship with alcohol — it was a social lubricant that gave me confidence at social gatherings and charm singing long nights of karaoke.

Choosing to be alcohol-free transformed my growth. This year, I went through 2 strict covid lockdowns in Vietnam, experienced heartbreak, and was bed-ridden due to health issues. But in this same, turbulent year, I:

Replaced drinking with running

Feel more healthy and more focused

Learnt to nurture myself instead of a hangover

Am the most confident I’ve ever been

Enjoy time with myself more than ever

Quitting alcohol is not the recipe to this transformation — but quitting alcohol let me pick up healthy habits that helped me grow into the person I appreciate.

Negativity & pressure from others reflects their relationship with alcohol, not yours.

When you first start expressing personal boundaries, it might feel uncomfortable. People do not always receive your boundaries well.

Sometimes, people will try to convince you that “just a couple” won’t hurt. Sometimes, when people learn you don’t drink, they’ll dispute all your reasons for not drinking as if they haven’t crossed your mind before.

But that is not your problem.

At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether or not you decide to drink. It’s someone else’s choice whether or not they decide to drink.

The beginning of the transition to an alcohol-free life can be the most difficult. At first, it can be difficult to silence negativity or pressure from others.

A simple “no, thank you” will suffice.

It helps to build a social network of those who support and encourage you. Expand your network of people who do not drink.

There are plenty of people who don’t drink, or don’t drink much.

When you drink regularly, your social circle is filled with others whose social activities revolve around drinking. You might also overlook that there are any non-drinkers in your life.

In one year I’ve been surprised to learn that there are plenty of people who do not drink, or who have a healthier relationship with alcohol than I did.

After a few months, I started posting online about my shift to an alcohol-free lifestyle. Mentors and friends reached out to me to share their own experiences of saying no to alcohol.

Surround yourself with the people who you want to be.

If you want to stop drinking, start expanding your network of people who do not drink.

Not every day is easy, but you have more control than you think.

There were some points wanted just a couple glasses of wine to ease the stress and loneliness. Because that’s what I did when I felt stressed or overworked — I would have a glass of wine to end the day.

To keep my commitment to an alcohol-free lifestyle, I needed to look at my habits.

Your habits determine things for you like success or happiness. And you can replace “bad” habits like drinking with habits that will ultimately lead to your success or happiness.

You can experience happiness with alcohol, but my real question for you is how fulfilling would it be to do so?

Habits cannot be removed, they can only be replaced. So what habits would you change in order to step into your evolution?

In his book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg writes there are three parts to tackle in every habit loop: the cue, the routine and the reward.

1. Isolate the Cue

What triggers your habit? What creates the craving?

Look at the habit, and think about where you are, the time of day, your mood, people around, or actions that precede your urge.

When you crave a drink, what is the trigger? Sometimes, there are many cues: going to a bar, dinner with friends, a birthday party. Identify the cues that trigger your craving.

2. Identify the Routine

The routine is the behavior you want to change!

This is the easiest to identify.

The routine would be having a drink after work, or having a drink at dinner with friends.

3. Experiment with Rewards

The reward is the positive reinforcement your brain feels. Experimenting with rewards helps you understand what your brain is actually craving.

What positive feelings do you get when you have that drink with friends? How can you replace that drink and reward your brain in other ways?

If you drink to relieve social pressure, have some questions ready to ask at dinner. If you enjoy the taste of alcoholic drinks, go to the bar with some alcohol-free drinks ready to order.

Spend less energy on decision-making by creating positive rewards for yourself.

The relationship with yourself is most important.

Have you ever just wanted to be surrounded by others so you could hide from your own loneliness? It’s like we trick ourselves into socializing so we don’t have to deal with our own pain.

The key is to begin to understand any pain you feel is very human. And because you’re experiencing human feelings, there is no need to shame yourself.

Anxiety disorders affect 18.1% of the population every year. It’s also highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment (Source: AADA).

Personally, choosing sobriety helps me manage my anxiety. Instead of outsourcing my feelings to a depressant, I journal; I run; I reach out to a friend. I’m nurturing the relationship with myself instead of falling back on my relationship with a depressant.

Because I felt anxious as I learnt to navigate social settings without alcohol. It felt frustrating to rebuild friendships previously built on a substance.

Instead of shaming yourself for feeling these feelings, allow yourself to feel them.

With the help of therapy, I looked at what beliefs I had that contributed to my anxiety or frustration.

And with the help of therapy and friends, I learnt to appreciate the other side.

I learnt to appreciate the friendships I made and had based on depth beyond I substance. I learnt to appreciate the confidence I found as I navigated social settings without alcohol.

I learnt to appreciate the confidence and strength I have to stay disciplined and alcohol-free.

Sobriety has empowered me to look at my identity without alcohol.

Drinking helped me avoid looking within. When I drank, my anxiety went away. When I drank, the anxiety went away. I compartmentalized my feelings. I avoided being vulnerable with myself.

Now, I am rediscovering what it means to be me.

It’s not even that I no longer experience human emotions like sadness, stress or pain. I do. But I feel so much stronger standing on my own two feet instead of depending on a substance to ease the pain.

Instead of outsourcing my feelings to a depressant, I’ve created an environment to explore my identity and find balance.

Whereas before I felt apathetic towards living a long life, I’ve grown an appreciation for my body.

I’ve created more space for things in my life. I am rediscovering what it means to be me.

I guess a part of “finding your identity” is taking a look at what makes you feel alive? What things can you do that contribute to the person you want to be?

It’s funny because when I first stopped drinking, I reflected on why I drank in the first place: lively nights of karaoke. relaxed charisma on dates. nights feeling confident enough to speak to someone I admire.

… and I have achieved all of that, without alcohol.