4 Simple Steps to Becoming a Pro at Procrastination
By: Sowmya Jain
Tags: Productivity, Funny, Procrastination, Life Lessons, Self Help

Hello Scrollers,

Here comes my first blog after a week of my promise to write everyday. This experience makes me highly qualified to train you “How to be Pro at Procrastination in 4 Simple Steps.” Yes, my dear scrollers. I am a gift to mankind.

So strap on as I am about to Change. Your. Lives.

Step 1: Have a task

It can be anything. Office work, research work, homework, writing a blog(duh!), getting up from your bed to water your organs as they are crying out of dehydration…..just anything.

Step 2: Think about that task

Plan that task in your head. Think about it deeply. Imagine yourself doing the task.

Let’s say the task is to water your organs.

Now, imagine yourself removing the blanket from your legs, then turning towards the edge of the bed or sofa, struggling to wear your slippers without letting your feet touch the cold ground, straightening your legs and hearing your knee caps crack while you are trying to balance yourself, walking towards the kitchen, picking up the glass, filling it with water, then flinching because it is cold , but drinking it anyways because warming it up will involve another set of tasks, and then done. Mission accomplished.

Every other task can be simply imagined like this for this step. Just try it.

Step 3: Don’t Turn Your Thoughts to Action

Now that you have imagined every step required to complete the task, do not dare to jump right into action. You are a not a fool. Come on!! Hustling is for losers. Just say to yourself that you will do it in a few minutes and repeat the same after the few minutes are over.

Step 3 (modified): Scrolling all the Way

For people who are not comfortable with Step 3, I have a modified version for you as I am a super considerate empath. You can simply open Instagram, Reddit, Discord, Facebook (what are you? 90?) , Quora (seriously? what is wrong with you?) or any other app which you can scroll through. Even Inshots or Google news will do.

You can also open Youtube, Netflix, Prime, or any other OTT and simply lose yourself. Get absorbed in it, but not too much. Remember, you have to think about your task every few minutes, remind yourself that you are a wretched sloth who cannot do anything in life and then continue using your phone. I think a visual representation of this will help you better:

Step 4: Say “I will do it Tomorrow”

Anyone can call themselves a procrastinator by doing it later, but it takes only a pro procrastinator to “think about doing it tomorrow.” Does that tomorrow ever come? You never know.

It is tough and requires enormous mental strength, but I will help you succeed.

Just think- “ Is the deadline to submit my presentation tomorrow night?” If the answer is a Yes, simply assure yourself with full confidence that you will definitely do it tomorrow, even though you had to start 5 days ago and your job depends on it.

Keep scrolling through your Insta feed while laughing at the people who are getting married or write a dumb blog about showing off your procrastination habit as a skill when it is obviously ruining your life (hah!).

Basically, whatever does not get you going and procrastinate. It’s your choice.

Suppose the task is of watering your organs, just think- “Will I die if I do not water my organs today?”. If the answer is a No…. Screw the answer. Move that ass and drink the damn water, you idiot.