Rewriting the Narrative About Trauma Survivors and Their Healing
By: Estrella Ramirez
Tags: Society, Lifestyle, Healing, Self, Survivor

Having already experienced sexual assault by this time in my life, his comments seemed like mere annoyances. He never touched me, so in my mind, it wasn’t really that bad. Until the day it got to be too much to handle.

One morning, like every other morning, I was unpacking boxes, minding my business, headphones in and all. A slap on the butt caught my attention, and I turned around to see Shaymus.

“What the hell?” “My bad,” he said, holding his hands up in defense. “You just look so good in those khakis, girl.” “Don’t touch me.” “Okay, okay. But let me tell you how I want to take those khakis off of you.”

I was completely shocked, embarrassed, and I felt violated hearing the words out loud. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to respond. I should have walked out. I should have said something because he took my silence as permission to continue…

“And that polo girl, I’d rip it to pieces. I bet your skin is so soft.”

After that, I walked out of the back into the store to find my manager. When I found him, I explained that I couldn’t work there anymore. Shaymus had made me feel uncomfortable. He said nothing besides a half-hearted, okay. I handed him my lanyard, my ear-piece, and left, never looking back.

Reflecting on that time, it was very telling that Shaymus didn’t seem phased that I would report him to management, but why would he? I told management and nothing was done, no questions were asked. Except for the question I asked myself, what I did I do wrong to make him feel comfortable enough to sexually harass me?

You hear this often when survivors recount their experiences with harassment, sexual assault, and abuse.

We take on the burden of rationalizing that the wrongs others have done to us result from something that we did or didn’t do, something that we wore or didn’t wear.

Except for the question I asked myself, what I did I do wrong to make him feel comfortable enough to sexually harass me?

This interaction may seem like a small thing to some people reading this, but the fact that I remember this instance of sexual harassment word for word, 12 years later, speaks volumes to how it has affected my life. I wish I could say that I’d all but forgotten this conversation, but it still haunts me to this day.

What haunts me the most is at 18, I already labeled harassing commentary and unwanted attention as mere annoyances. This is the narrative society had written for young women at that time, but it is a narrative I refuse to let my daughters internalize as they grow into young women.

Walking into that store this weekend and reliving that memory didn’t leave me feeling ashamed by my experience the way it did 12 years ago. I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt compelled to do what I could to continue empowering survivors and contribute to rewriting this narrative.

It shouldn’t be the responsibility of survivors to rewrite this narrative, but unfortunately, these behaviors and attitudes are ingrained in our society. If we don’t speak up for ourselves, especially when there are no witnesses, no one else will. Our healing as survivors comes first and foremost.

I have come to a place in my healing journey where I have been empowered and supported by fellow survivors who have given me the strength to share my experiences and trauma openly.

It didn’t happen overnight.

It didn’t happen after a few years.

It’s taken me over a decade to come to this place. I write about sexual harassment, sexual assault, emotional, mental, and physical abuse so often because I know I am not the only one who has lived, or is living, these experiences.

I write for you, to comfort you, to assure you that you are not alone.

The purpose of sharing these stories is to encourage our community of survivors to set out on a healing journey of your own. No matter what path you take on your healing journey, I want you to understand that you deserve to feel whole and at peace. I empower you to live your best life not because of what you suffered, but despite it.