Battling Resentment in 3 Steps
By: Daisy G
Tags: Growth Mindset, Relationships, Self Improvement, Personal Growth, Personal Development

Our stories are different yet we all walk through times of inevitable hurt and resentment. You feel alone, crushed and even consumed. You consume yourself in anger and negativity until those feelings become the way you carry yourself. They guide you through your day, your coffee tastes a bit more bitter and the sky is a bit less blue. Feelings of resentment lead you to deeper waters, you are no longer scared of the dark because feeling alone becomes the norm. The unfairness you felt when someone hurt you, captivates you into a world of grief and hate. Your days turn into question marks and you live your days searching for the answers. Resentment lives on both of your shoulders, you feel heavy and tired almost everyday. At night, as you dream of dancing under red skies, betrayal takes your hand and all you feel is hurt. Resentment is powerful and when she arrives, she brings friends. Her friends bring, “Anger” and “Hate” to the party and with all these guests, you feel more alone than ever. Until you’re ready, you allow yourself to drown in these emotions because you’re allowed to feel hurt but the amount of time you let it control you, is up to you.

Apologize

I know what you’re thinking, “I am the one who deserves an apology! Who am I apologizing to?”. Apologize to yourself. Apologize for the sleepless nights and confusing thoughts that clouded your mind. Apologize to yourself for, as a result of someone treating you poorly, you walk with a little less conviction and confidence with each step. Apologize for the hate you carry like a 55LB backpack on your back. While staring back at your reflection, apologize to yourself for all the hurt someone else caused you. Apologize for the unknown, the closure you may never receive, and the reasoning you many never know. Do this as many times as it takes for you to start remembering to believe in yourself.

2. Permission

Allow yourself to ditch the backpack. Today is the day you realize, you are carrying 55LBS too many. Grant yourself the freedom of accepting an apology that came from you. Acknowledge your opportunity for growth and, if you have to, convince yourself that you are worthy of that growth. Forgiveness within yourself is the most expensive form. Take the time to realize that with forgiveness you are granting yourself permission to learn. If forgiveness feels unobtainable, try again. It is difficult and you are not going to heal on anyones schedule but your own. Sometimes an explanation of why something happened may not excuse the hurt and bitterness you feel. There isn’t a way to reverse time, we can only continue to analyze and gain understanding from it. Oftentimes, your pain is silent to others. Only you can hear it and its deafening. You may feel it is difficult to concentrate and no one can hear you. There are no magic words that will take away any hurt someone has caused you but as long as you never turn a deaf ear to yourself, you are progressing. You may feel like you are screaming out into an empty void but just know, if you close your eyes and listen to your own screams, hear them echo in a distance, it means you’re alive. You are allowed to feel hurt and you are allowed to scream, but within these screams, you must listen to yourself. Dissect every word your are screaming and understand why you are screaming. This is how you form your apologies to yourself.

REPEAT IF NECESSARY .

3. Give thanks

This is your time to thank yourself for growing through the rain and blossoming. Thank yourself for your own patience and devotion. You are alive and you are stronger than any other point in your life. You are a warrior and you have learned healing may not come easy but you set yourself to accomplish it. Say, “thank you” for each apology you gave yourself and for the weeks, months, or years it took you to forgive. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. You are a sponge, you consume every moment of each day. Whether it be good or bad, you are walking into each day ready to consume it. Be mindful of the energy you are using and the feelings you are feeling. Thank yourself for the emotions, the opportunity for growth, the sadness, the anger, the hatred, but most importantly, the love. Thank yourself for the moment you decided to love and heal yourself. There is no validation for this, no round of applause or standing ovation but within, you know you saved yourself from the hate and hurt that clouded your mind. You are the one who turned on the light switch and you decide how to move forward in your life. No more dark clouds and bitter coffee. You have picked up the wounded parts of yourself and created art. You are art. Continue to walk with conviction because you deserve it.

This is a conversation you may not be ready to have with yourself. There is no race, start slow and go at your own pace. Remember not to forget who is in charge. You grant yourself the permission to move forward. You may have to dance alone but the guests you once danced with, are no longer welcome. Your heart has a door, you must remember those who wish to enter must knock first. This will not be easy, you may have to repeat, “Step 1” a few times before you can move forward and that is okay. Nothing is set in stone, repeat any step until you feel comfortable enough to move forward.