When an Extrovert is Almost an Introvert (and Vice-Versa)
By: Sandy Bishop
Tags: Extrovert, Psychology, Introvert, Ambivert, Self

When an Extrovert is Almost an Introvert (and Vice-Versa)

There’s a name for that and an explanation for those confusing feelings you have

Photo by Allef Vinicius — Unsplash

You would think that taking a test, like Myers-Briggs, would give you all the answers you need about how you deal with the world. And while I’ve found that personality tests give you a fairly accurate insight into your modus operandi in day-to-day life, I’ve noticed that there is still a lot of wiggle room.

Whenever I take a personality test, my results normally show that I’m an extrovert. Anyone who knows me would agree with this. I even agree with it, most of the time.

My scoring shows that I make the grade to extrovert, but just barely. I’m always just one or two points across that magical line. I’ve also taken a personality test that had me just barely in the introvert category. I suspect I was feeling very “unpeopley” the day I took that test.

I love people. I have a lot of friends. I talk freely and easily with others. So, when I mention to someone that I’m shy, they usually laugh and give me that look. But I am actually shy most of the time. I just hide it well.

And I’m not alone. Many people score just slightly across the line from introvert to extrovert. We can be either/or depending on the situation.

Welcome to the ambivert club

According to Merriam-Webster, an ambivert is “a person having characteristics of both extrovert and introvert”.

Ambiverts fall in the middle of the spectrum between introvert and extrovert. It’s kind of the best of both worlds. We like our alone time but can shine in social situations just as easily. We can confidently step into a leadership role at work, or we can sit back and follow. We are happy being good team players or tackling a solo project. We can’t wait to get together with friends, or we are content to spend the weekend at home, binge-watching Breaking Bad.

Either/or. This or that. Ambiverts are the yin and yang of the social spectrum, and while that sounds ideal, being an ambivert isn’t always as sweet a deal as it sounds.

It’s a blessing and curse

Before I learned I was an ambivert, I felt confused about my reactions in certain situations. I am an extrovert. That should mean that I am “on” all the time. I should love talking to anyone who walks within earshot. I should be happy to strike up a conversation at a moment’s notice, right? Nope. Not one bit.

When I’m with friends, or in a situation I’m comfortable with, I’m on fire. I can converse like it’s my job. But take me even slightly out of my comfort zone, and I’m secretly looking for the exit. And I’ll smile while making a run for it.

I think a big part of the problem is that I smile all the time. If anyone looks at me, a big, cheesy grin breaks out across my face, and for most people, that’s an invitation to talk to me. And I don’t always know how to handle it.

There are the introvert moments

When I’m out in public, I don’t always want to talk to everyone I meet. The grocery store checkout line, for example. There’s always that chance you’ll end up with someone who really wants to chat. I scan the magazines or peruse the chocolate bars. So many choices. I look up. Crap. I have made the dreaded eye contact with the lady in front of me. My face defaults to smile mode.

Damn it, face. Stop that.

Too late. I’m soon listening to a stranger tell me things or asking me questions. I smile and respond, never betraying the fact that I really don’t want to have this conversation. I just want to squirrel my groceries out of the store like a ninja and go home.

Then there are the extrovert moments

I’m in a checkout line at the grocery store and someone (perhaps an introvert) is behind me checking out the magazine covers and chocolate bars. She seems nice. She looks up and we make eye contact. She smiles and I notice it’s a tad strained. I comment on the ice cream in her cart and let her know that, I too, like salted caramel. We chat a bit. I leave the store and happily trot off to my car, my current need for human contact fulfilled.

Are you feeling somewhere in the middle?

Did you take a personality test and not quite feel like the test results rang true for you? If so, you are actually in the majority.

According to Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “about two-thirds of people are in the middle, and can be classified as ambiverts.”

So, the next time you find your introverted self happily striking up a conversation with a stranger in a waiting room, or your extroverted self bailing on a party long before it’s over in favor of reading a book in bed, know that you’re not alone.

You’re just doing what ambiverts do best.