Guy 2: Date 226 11/25/20. The Here for the Holidays Guy — All the Sex and None of the Mess
Tags: Relationships, Dating, Life Lessons, Los Angeles, Love

Guy 2: Date 226 11/25/20. The Here for the Holidays Guy — All the Sex and None of the Mess Summer Dec 22, 2020·6 min read

Let me start by saying thank you for creating a platform for me to be truly myself and for the good dick.

“Detachment means to have neither regrets for the past nor fears for the future; to let life take its course without attempting to interfere with its movement and change, neither trying to prolong the stay of things pleasant nor to hasten the departure of things unpleasant. To do this is to move in time with life, to be in perfect accord with its changing music, and this is called Enlightenment” — Alan Watts

Now some of you may be saying, how do you ever expect to find love if you are wasting time on Bumble with dudes that do not even live here, but it is rough living so close to LAX during the holidays. What can I say? To be honest, I still have hope that somehow these things will work out.

As I sat there on Wednesday night before Thanksgiving staring at my computer and trying to work, wondering what I was going to do with myself, a cute boy from Bumble started chatting me up and invited me to dinner; I should have known from his profile that this man was not from around here, but I dug in and engaged in the idea of meeting him for dinner. Then I looked and sure enough, he was from Virginia. As I sat there debating all the better uses of my time, I thought of my friend Candice who met her husband in Vegas of all places. Neither of them lived in the same state when they met but love in Vegas prevailed and they just welcomed their son into the world last year. My mind then raced to my friend Karen that met her now husband when she was seventeen in the cute, Danish town in California, Solvang. He didn’t even live in California and was only there for a bike race, but their romance carried on for years until they were finally married after a multi-year, international romance. So, although I knew going to meet Here for the Holidays Guy was a waste of time and a bad emotional investment, I still could not help but think “what if” as I ran some face wipes over my body like a dirty, Russian whore out camping in a desolate wilderness with no shower in sight for days (he is going to be so disgusted when he reads this) and threw some pants and lipstick on.

Thus approximately 75 minutes after the first “Hiiii”, I was walking up to Picallili in Culver City to meet this guy. Usually with online dating, I vary from phases of requiring a full vetting of the person, accompanied by a family tree, resume, and life history, and throwing my heart and body into love and trusting that the universe knows what’s best for me without even verifying a last name. This was one of those days where I trusted the feelings of the world and went with it… what’s the worst that could happen? I go eat dinner with some awful company? I was willing to risk it… for love?

Honestly, I have to say, I did go into it thinking, “you never know” because you really do not know where love will find you. In the digital, work from home world we live in today, why not. The worst that could happen is we eat and drink and go our separate ways. I mean, his friend is a chef at the restaurant so I at least knew in this date, I would not be asked to split the bill (spoiler alert: he even let me keep the leftovers).

Sometimes we forget how great the world we live in is and how friendly and open people can be. How two strangers that just met online 75 minutes ago can have an amazing dinner together and share in deep conversations despite never having met and living in different places across the states from each other. You must give it to the world for bringing people together and I give it to myself for having the emotional appetite to always give love a chance no matter how remote or unlikely it may seem. It’s only the shots we do not take that we will regret.

Oh .. the date… sure enough, it did not disappoint. I woke up on Thursday like it was Christmas morning, full of all the joy of ten drummer boys and 26 gingerbread men? Honestly, I woke up with all the good endorphins of finding a connection with someone that you are not only physically attracted to, but also emotionally attracted to.

This brings up another good point about dating. After a first date, do you trash it if you don’t have those excitement butterflies or do you keep going because of hope and the future you already created with that person in the blink of an eye based on the online “research”(…ahem…stalking) you did and the few things you know about them. Like Malcom Gladwell’s premise in “Blink”, we are constantly judging and projecting in the blink of an eye without even realizing we are. So despite our best intentions, we go on these dates and already have decided if there’s a future before the date has begun. Then if the feelings are fulfilled, we go into a state of bliss. If they aren’t, we wonder if we give it another try or move on to the queue of 97 other strangers waiting to meet us?

I walked into Picallili …. or into the outdoor eating space since it was the last day before restaurants in Los Angeles shut down due to the Covid orders. We immediately got into deep conversations about travel and love, two of my favorite things. He was a great listener and with each detail, we delved into deeper and deeper questions. We exposed things about ourselves that maybe you would only do on a first date with someone you never planned to see again. We told each other why we each called off weddings, cheated, thirsted to explore the world, create, and be better humans. We came back to my place and talked all night, shared more, and eventually shared our bodies with each other. It was not some big romantic display of sexuality, lust, or true love. It was a drunken need for affection and our bodies to release. It was needless and gratuitous and fueled by alcohol, lust, and the id.

The more profound part was waking up the next morning and feeling totally comfortable with this person. Being naked and totally vulnerable and still feeling connected. Usually, I would never sleep with a guy on the first night of meeting them if I knew I’d never see them again. I’d think it was a slutty waste, but in this situation, I did not care. I decided to trust the energy and feelings and do what I wanted to do without over-thinking. We had sex, took a walk through Venice Beach, got some coffee, and I kissed him goodbye… never to see him again?

All you need to know

Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking about future expectations and judgements from others on first dates, we forget to be ourselves. Sometimes I think we should approach all first dates as if we are never going to see that person again and be our true, authentic selves. This sentiment goes both ways in allowing yourself to be who you are and speak free of judgements, but also to see your date for who they are and what they bring to the moment. Too often in dating we become caught up in thinking five years down the road to what your kids would look like and what a life would be like with that person. Any small mention of anything not perfect sends your mind racing with questions of deeper issues and compatibility questions. I urge you to just be; to be your true and authentic self with everyone and you’ll surprise yourself with what you receive in return.