WTF is this?
By: Samantha Drobac
Tags: Psychology, Covid 19, Covid Diaries, Philosophy, Thoughts

I know many people are suffering from anxiety much more often right now — so am I.

As I feel my anxiety growing as I type, I decided to write to promote more inner digging.

There’s anxiety primarily because there are so many things that are happening at the same time that cause their own individual level of anxiety. I’ve picked up on new responsibilities that I was not mentally prepared for, like becoming a teacher to my 7 year old and my 3 year old.

As you know many are homeschooling their children now, and I had not realized how difficult this task is, I completely underestimated it.

The degree of difficulty that lies in being able to successfully teach concepts to children at this age, when all they want to do is play and their attention is strict as hell… it has to be incredibly fun/interesting for them to be captivated for more than 3 minutes.

Listening and paying attention (active listening) are very different, and for children to learn, they must actively listen and that’s the parents responsibility…that’s MY responsibility, my daily challenge. I must make teaching amusing enough for them to retain the information.

Also…

Besides the fact that there’s numerous websites advising on preventive measures and home remedies for Covid, there’s the same amount of websites that are sharing opposing information and this mixed information could very possibly be a big reason for the many deaths around the world and poverty.

I have no clue what’s the truth… you hear conspiracies about how this is all “Part of a big plan”- I don’t laugh at the idea… It could be, but again… we will never know and that’s frustrating on another level.

Why? Why can’t we know the truth? I feel completely lost and directionless because no matter what topic I try to read on, there’s also many others that will have compelling arguments against it.

So what’s true?



I feel unmotivated to write about anything other than my own personal thoughts and emotions because those seem the closest to true because they are mine, and I believe that some of it is still pure and not manipulated… but again! Is it? Are they my own? Or have I been slowly guided here?



I do wonder every now and then when the world will go back to normal, but only because I am tried of seeing the paranoia, the panic and ridiculous rules that make absolutely no sense sometimes.

I do want to say I am so sorry for the people that have passed away sooner than they had to due to this pandemic, and the people that have lost their jobs, their homes, their business… who is to blame? The Government? Or ourselves for depending on the Government and trusting they would have our backs? Am I crazy to be speaking this way? Is this mindset a result of a pandemic, watching too much news and a mundane routine? or are these the words of someone with common sense that’s just tired of not knowing and seeing unnecessary suffering?

I used to love learning — specifically about Psychology and Philosophy however… lately I have had no desire to use my brain for any type of thinking and this brings depression, because for some odd reason, my mind is not at rest knowing that I know nothing for certain and there’s nothing I can do about it.

So now that I’ve spilled the beans — what to do about it then?

All there is to do is to keep on living, taking small bites at life, chewing only what you can.

I do strongly believe that the Universe has laws and these laws are unbreakable and not man-made (thank goodness),that being said; I believe there is a time for everything… I will find clarity just not right now.