fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
Try to drink coffee in moderation.
Tags: Diary

I sleep 6 to 8 hours a day.

Sometimes I feel that 6 hours of sleep is enough, sometimes I feel that 8 hours of sleep is not enough.

This issue requires an ongoing check on sleep duration and sleep quality.

Sleep is important in my life.

If I do not get enough sleep, I get sleepy during the day.

Sometimes, when I get sleepy, I drink coffee.

I drink coffee when I feel sleepy because it makes me feel less sleepy.

Coffee has many advantages and disadvantages.

The advantages are that it tastes good, burns fat, reduces weight, prevents disability, cancer, stroke, type 2 diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, and protects the brain.

The disadvantages include sleep disturbance, increased heart attack rate, and toxicity.

Since coffee has both advantages and disadvantages, I cannot decide if drinking coffee is a good thing or a bad thing.

I think it is good to drink coffee, but not too much, which means drinking one or two cups a day.

However, when I drink coffee, I must be careful not to eat sugar.

Sugar is not good for my body.

This means that I should not order a Frappuccino at Starbucks.
From the bottom of my stubborn beating heart.
By: Paige Edenfield
Tags: Gratitude, Friendship, Diary, Health, Family

When I moved to Arizona I did not expect to go to a doctor's appointment and hear him say I have cancer eating away at different parts of my body.

❤

I did not expect to go on medication that trades one awful feeling for another.

I did not expect my skin to burn and crack and peel.

I did not expect pain or sleepless nights or exhaustion.

I did not expect to have to tell these things to my family, my best friends, my work family, my new friends.

But here we are. We’re halfway through radiation treatment. It’s all downhill from here. You’ve handled it like champs.

Thank you. Mom and Dad, thank you for listening to me and respecting how I need and want to deal with this. Thank you for picking up the phone every time I call you. Thank you for laughing with me at some of the grossest things I have ever experienced. Thank you for sending me snail mail back. Thank you for loving me through this.

Thank you. Best friend, thank you for being here. Thank you for seeing the things I can’t see, like the days that are bad but not lemon-lime Gatorade bad. Thank you for calling me when I tell you I’m fine because you know I’m stubborn and won’t say otherwise. Thank you for putting up with late-night texts and sick stories and vent sessions all the other mess. Thank you for loving me through this.

Thank you. Siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents— thank you for calling. Thank you for texting. Thank you for telling me good morning. Thank you for telling me about your day. Thank you for telling me funny stories. Thank you for sending me this emoji ❤️ a lot. Thank you for looking at my ugly Snapchats and sending ugly Snapchats back. Thank you for loving me through this.

Thank you. Work fam, thank you for your support. Thank you for your kindness, compassion, understanding, and patience. Thank you for the little gifts that say so much and the phone calls and the text messages. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for the healthy recipes and music suggestions. Thank you for respecting the workdays I want to grit my teeth through and the workdays I need naps between meetings. Thank you for loving me through this (don’t make it weird 😉).

Thank you. Thank you, friends, for doing friend things like sending me motivation gifs every day of treatment. Thank you for the fancy water bottles I would never buy for myself. Thank you for the smoothie recipes. Thank you for the Netflix suggestions. Thank you for asking how I am today. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for reading these dumb journal entries. Thank you for making sure I’m eating and surprising me with concert tickets — turns out I’m going to get to see Dermot Kennedy on February 8th in Phoenix. Thank you for loving me through this in your own unique way.
Day 1 of Being Gaia. 1/22/21 — Day #1 of being me
By: The Gaia Diaries
Tags: Diary, Climate Change, Awareness, Unity, Earth

Hi! I am Gaia.

Photo by Louis Maniquet on Unsplash

You might only know me as Mother Earth or just Earth, but that’s not all there is to me. I am a being, Gaia. I started writing this diary to express my anger about life. It is as if many beings don’t understand that I have feelings. But, I am not complaining about them. Oh! Sorry I did not explain who the “them” is; humans. Humans, they make me who I am. But sometimes they strike a blow to me that makes me crumble inside. I feel helpless sometimes. When whirls of smoke almost suffocate me, I can’t do anything. The only thing I can do to retaliate is create a calamity. When I contribute to misery and woe, I feel awful. Sometimes I just cry… I can’t take the burden of acceptance. Do you have any idea how it feels to be treated as a trash can? I can’t accept all the time, I can’t. I sometimes just wanna shout, “I AM A SENTEINT BEING GUYS!”, or “You realize your actions have consequences, right?!”

But, I guess these humans are becoming aware of their ignorant decisions, (like, plastic? Really? ). The recent decision of the United States to join the Paris Accord once again proves that they are trying to change. I think the one reason it is going to take time to transform the climate change problem is because humans don’t have unity. You need unity to blossom at all points of your life. You know I read a book once called the Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway. It stated how opposite forces, when working together, could create a beautiful result. I like to think of a rose, the result of beauty and pain. The intricate petals collide with prickly thorns, and that creates one of the most iconic flowers, a rose. Well, I got to go, a girl got to rest! See you later!
Asking myself why I play certain games
By: Jimmy Wang
Tags: Videogames, Diary, Video Games Industry, Psychology

I get that in life, you work hard, not necessarily doing something you always enjoy to earn the means to do the things you enjoy later. However lately I notice that while I’m playing some video games, I’m doing something that I don’t necessarily enjoy to prepare my in-game-character so that I am able to participate in the fun parts later… Yet I continue to play these games.

Am I being mind fucked by large videogame companies? Do these companies have a department that conducts research on human psychology and the habits we exhibit while spending our free time? I don’t know the stats on this but I feel like video game making is trending towards “more playtime = higher revenue” instead of “making the game more fun = more playtime = higher revenue”. Then again this might be the symptom of me spending too much time playing video games.

They say the more work you put in the more you will enjoy the results of success later, does it have to apply to life and videogames equally? Should I be more vocally against this? Do I seem like a giant man-child for even considering being vocally against this when there are much greater injustices around the world that I should be vocally against? Good thing I don’t care that much about people’s opinion of me.

This year I’m going to be more conscious about how I spend the time I allocate to having fun and really paying attention to when I’m not. I’m also going to diversify the things I do to have fun.
My schizphrophrenic sister
Tags: Mydairy, Diary, Mental Health, Schizophrenia, Mental Illness

My schizphrophrenic sister

Living with paranoid schizophrenia is not easy for the patient, it makes thier daily life a continuing struggle. However, there is so many articles and studies dedicated to the subect and i am not an expert doctor, neither someone who live with the disease, therefore i can't speak on this matter. What i am is someone who live in the same household and share a family pound with my teenage sister who is living with psychosis. I am here to talk about my struggles with dealing with a schizophrenic person on the daily.

being the oldest of my big family, i experienced life before my dear little sister fell ill with this horrible disease. Our life was so quite and peaceful almost perfect. Then she turned 13 and everything went downhill slowly from thier. countless hospital visits before we figured out what her diagnoses was. i took her with my mother everywhere we could, we pampered her with everyting she desired thinking neglect led to her being this way ( big mistake by the way). and finally we knew what is wrong, and from thier the road to recovery has began. and then a relapse! and then slowly going through recovery again .

This is the short story of what we went through, what i will be writing next is stories, Alot of them. some will be old and most will be new, of course since we are still struggling daily the story doesn't end . please allow me to use this space as my personal therapy. until then, goodbye.
Does Everything Have to be Political?
By: Jamie Lejo
Tags: Society, Diary, Politics

I know these fish are dying. Can I eat my lunch?

I remember back in college. Going with my roommates to the dining hall. Getting our food, sitting down, talking about the most meaningless shit in the world. At the time it was important, but looking back; skipping lab? Overanalyzing sexts?

Half a decade later I find myself incapable of having a conversation with someone without it veering into the political realm. Does it have to be this way? Is it this way every four years, in preparation and in the comedown of presidential elections? Perhaps someone older than me can enlighten me. Why is so much of our happiness dictated upon who is President?

The media seems like an easy scapegoat. Blaming these COVID-19 lockdowns seems like an easy scapegoat. Why does it feel like everyone is so fatalistic? Does politics have to slither its way into everything, including Laker games, Sounders games? Eating a poke bowl?

It’s not just “politics” per se. Using the aforementioned poke bowl as an example, five years ago I may have had a conversation with a friend about a guy she’s been dating, and if his penis is too thick for her to handle. Now, the goes to “there are so little bluefin tuna left in the ocean” and “how do people work for $10 at a poke bar?” These are important topics, yes, but…

Do we need to feel guilty about everything?
Mistake
Tags: Love, Diary, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Ex

ok truth

We’re not it and you know it but yet you wanna keep things going? odd. I’ll admit you left me speachless last night. Not even sure if that’s a good thing. Many emotions were let out. I wanted to leave. I was uncomfortable and angry but I stayed and later that night is when it hit me. I should have left. When we talked it out about what we both wanted I thought that’s all we needed. I thought it would have fixed it. Us. Me telling myself not to go. Maybe I’m wrong about this but it’s a gut feeling telling me I’m right. It was the sex that cleared things up a bit more. It wasn’t good anymore. It felt one sided. Everything you thought made me feel good only made it good for you burst. I know you love it so I don’t say anything. Maybe it was bad just this once? Then it hit. You were finished and unlike the usual getting up and cleaing up routine you layed on me for a good bit. The energy felt intense. Lit up candle, heavy breathing. Asking if you’re okay but not one thing came out. You finally do the usual. I ask “are you okay” and you tell me you don’t want to lose me. I didn’t know what to say this is only day 5 for us. You know where I stand. You opened up with me that night more than I ever expected. I thank you for that.

but I should have left.
Diary of a Confused Teenager
By: Ana-Maria Resiga
Tags: Teens, Journal, Diary, Events, Romania

Diary of a Confused Teenager

Last 5 days since the first case in Romania

People are aggressively leaving Italy, especially the ones that have relatives abroad. All means of transport that go outside the country are overcrowded. There’s a huge wave of people at the Romanian border lying about where they come from. Since travelling in the E.U. doesn’t require a visa, no one can really check where they come from, so they have to take their word. Of course, most of them are actually coming from Italy, scared by the virus, and, fearing that they may not be allowed to enter Romania, they state that they are coming from another European country.

On the 26th of February, the first case in Romania is officially confirmed. The one infected is a man who got it from an Italian friend who came to visit him in Romania, as a way to escape from all the things that were happening in his country. The Italian man certainly did not know that he was infected, and he didn’t present any symptoms in the time he stayed and wandered through Romania. He then went back to Italy, where his analyzes for coronavirus suggested that he was positive.
Confinement Day/Jour 1
By: Luc Landrot
Tags: Confinement, Quarantine, Pandemic, Diary, Co Vid 19

English Version (French below)

Here we are ! National French quarantine is effective since today 12 AM. Last night, 35 millions of French people watch President Macron announcing it on TV. Half of the population of the country ! Nobody has never seen that.

But most of French people had anticipated this decision since last week-end. We can see it on the trafic jam chart of Paris highway network below.

Everyone had 2 or 3 days to think about where and with who spend all day long isolated waiting for the “wave” to pass on. I personally hesitated but I eventually decided to stay at home in my appartement in the centre of Lyon where I moved in last fall. I have there everything I need and even a little balcony to breathe fresh air.

Meeting my family in Burgundy could have contributed to spread the disease. And would I have been able to stand for my relatives, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews living under the same roof for weeks ? I would have had a garden and plenty of natural space but an internet connexion less reliable. To work and keep in touch with my friends, it wouldn’t have been ideal.

To be continued tomorrow.
Diary of a Confused Teenager
By: Ana-Maria Resiga
Tags: Teens, Journal, Diary, Events, Romania

Diary of a Confused Teenager

The following 20 days

There was an unexpected boom in cases in Italy that really caught everyone’s attention. Now people started to realize that the spread of this virus could really affect them. Of course, this didn’t really happen in Romania, because of our usual state of passive participants in any global event. I was almost sure that, even if this virus is so easily spread, there is no way Italy can’t handle it and most of all I was sure that it won’t, by any means, reach Romania.

Now the news also started to talk about it. This is when all the propaganda started to happen and people were starting to get more and more scared.

Giving that Italy has to constantly deal with overpopulation and since its population is very old, of course a lot of old people with diseases got the virus and that’s how the list of people who died because of the coronavirus started.

People all around Italy were starting to go crazy, and so, normally, most of them decided to leave country. The flights were all booked and everyone was leaving as fast as he could. I remember watching the news and seeing videos of people fighting each other over plane tickets and pictures of the endless queues at the airport terminals. I started to think to myself that this might be the craziest people might go in such a situation. I had no idea of what was to come.

So, as I said, a lot of people who were living in Italy decided to return to their homelands to protect themselves. As you can imagine, this was a really bad idea, because most of them were already infected.
Two seconds of Tenderness
By: Radhika Gupta
Tags: Tenderness, Diary, Positive Thinking, Hopeful, Thoughts

Two seconds of Tenderness

Amidst in the rush in our busy life, we often forget to live our life and cherish its moments which can teach us,refurbish us and can put a lost smile on our face. Passing few days in this month,a kind of stagnant feeling has become a bit more prominent in my core.Visiting more and more corporate areas these days , is just cementing this belief of mine.

So, just sharing a small incident or somewhat a moment which I strongly need to make palpable to others also. And cherishing it will add more value to it as well as to our own basic ethics.

Two days back,I had a qualifying test in MSIT,Ruby. But, the test results handed me one more experience only. These test procedures took longer time than usual and made me a bit more late than ever actually.The outburst of Rain just jammed the road as well as time.I called my father to pick me up from the bus stop.Though I never wanted to call him but for the sake of '11pm' I pushed myself to bring him there.These two days has made me clear that our Kolkata is really safe at night. Seeing my father completely drenched made me feel more guilty at that time. So,I just sat behind him and put my umbrella over his head and he started driving very cautiously so that my new umbrella might not get converted to 'Union ' from 'Intersection’. Amidst of the water logged lane,we were just wriggling there.

In that small journey , a two seconds of moment just made me mesmerized and I was surprisingly refilled with some kind of sanguine vibes that time. A middle-aged man was struggling to drive his Bike and on the back seat his 5-6 years son was sitting .Totally draped in a blue colored rain-coat ,that little boy was trying to cover his father’s head with his small hands.His constant little hops from the back seat to protect his father from callous rain grabbed my attention towards him. Getting diligence from his own sweet little boy filled his core with the burst of serenity and proud which is clearly visible from the father’s face. These two seconds are more valuable and worthy than the rest of the insolent day I have had.

Reaching towards zenith in your life will take time , but the myriad of inspiring gestures in the journey shall not be shrugged off. ☺
Diary Session September 3, 2020
By: Moboluwaduro Obadeyi
Tags: Diary, Personal Growth, Diary Writing, Personal

Diary Session September 3, 2020

Oh, I just remembered I was supposed to up my game…Let’s move that to tomorrow, please.

I worked out today and I did not die this time around. It went well.

Mostly spent my day reading and working. I am reading “The Bezos Letter” by Steve Anderson.

By the way, my workspace is a bookstore and I read books free of charge (yeah, I was born lucky). Nike is the manager of the bookstore (Nike from yesterday’s story). Since we are going to be together, let me give you more background gist.

The name of the bookstore is RovingHeights and the owners are gracious to allow me to work there. The owners are the Eyinades (Dotun, Adebola and Tobi). I am closer to Adebola (popularly called Miss — a fast version of Mrs — Bola). She has this beautiful hearty laugh that makes her sound like a child — she is sweet! I love that woman!

Nike works with two other ladies, Ibiso and Mitchelle. I cannot describe Mitchelle because I don’t even understand her. Ibiso is something else…maybe I will talk about her someday.

I had two content calendars to write today so I spent my day coming up with content ideas and captions.

I did not engage in a weird habit (daily calls to one of my nonsense friends) today because I was too busy to even remember his existence. Called him later at night because there was something I wanted to share with him. And I regretted that call because the idiot just ended up annoying me.

I slept after that call, excited to run again tomorrow!

See you tomorrow!
A pointless journey
Tags: Journal, Diary

How to think? When the limits of our thoughts are a subject for thought itself: with what strategy can one construct thoughts? There were times in the past when the context was determined and the motivation flowed freely. Perhaps one should recall (or even seek out) these contexts? Because these contexts themselves suggest a strategy — at least to those who fetishise a calm and honest reflection.

The limits of our thoughts (that were once quite unthought…) always seem to eventually become apparent. Simply by the natural action of a healthy existence the ultimate regions of conciousness get a closer look. How silly they seem now? Perhaps worse: how frequently is the soul longing for a goal and a bit of clarity amonst the darkness actually drawn into a space too bright and simply put: too monotonous? Even worse when there is another keen to share their light… How lucky we are then that life presents us with the ultimate darkness? A setting that expands at a rate proportional to its size. Our little lantern curious in the exponential expanse.

If only I could learn to treat this context in the same manner as the contexts of my youth. If only I could become calm, concentrated and focused on something that mattered.
Hi, my name’s Elena and I’m afraid of leaving the honeymoon era.
By: Elena Marquez
Tags: Love, Diary, Youth, Feelings, Teenagers

Hi, my name’s Elena and I’m afraid of leaving the honeymoon era. I recently got a boyfriend whom I was already scared to have because of my intimacy and trust issues from a lack of a fatherly figure. My best friend, whom I have done everything with in the past year, made me realize I could overcome the fear of intimacy and just try.

I am young, so to most I know this sounds like just a case of puppy love, but this feels different — or at least I hope it is. All along our relationship, we have continued to remind the other how much we love them. I love this feeling, and I love him unconditionally.

However, I’m scared that he will lose his love for me. In all non family relationships, I have always gone through a stage of “maybe I should leave before they do”. This thought continues to haunt me, but I promised myself I wouldn’t do that with my boyfriend.

I can’t help but wonder if this is his puppy love while I feel it’s more than that. What if he leaves me? Or stays but he loves me less? I wouldn’t know where to begin in this process of acceptance.

I want to cry because of how happy he makes me and how loved he makes me feel. So, what’s life like after the honeymoon stage? When I find out, I will let you know. Until then, I will continue to think about it every waking hour.
Why do we write stories?
By: Niraj Kangle
Tags: Travel, Blogging, Diary, Blog, Storytelling

After months of waiting, procrastinating and looking for motivation, I am ready to write my first story. Maybe I wasn’t ready till now, but am I the only one who believes in the signs given by the Universe? I got my first signs when my inbox showed me the Medium daily Digest emails on the top (which I was ignoring the whole time because I was… procrastinating). Another sign was from a Bollywood movie that I saw. In this movie the protagonist is a man, an engineer going his way up the corporate ladder, and keeps a typewriter on his study table because he want’s to write a book but doesn’t find the motivation. But one fine day he writes… and writes.. and writes until he has finished writing a whole book. One amazing sign that I got, was the most obvious one. Today as I fired up my laptop and opened my browser, I didn’t want to do the same monotonous work that I do everyday. Almost magically, as I randomly moved the mouse, the pointer pointed me to my bookmark : “Medium stories”. That was it. I decided to write. The universe makes us do stuff when the right moment comes, pretty cool right? :P

As I opened the “Write a story” tab on Medium, the prompt asked me to tell my story. It helped me give a title to my first Medium story!

Tell your story…

Why do we write stories? Why do we like telling our stories to everyone? Are people around us really engrossed while listening to the things that have happened in our lives? These are some unanswered questions, but to be honest, I never told any tales as a display to people. The only thing that motivates me to write is my passion, and my favourite hobby — “TRAVEL”. As a child I was always intrigued by the stories of people who travelled. May it be the chronicle of a historical person who circumnavigated the globe, or anecdotes from some family relative, I was always captivated to read and listen.

Fast forward to 2021, after having travelled some fascinating places by myself, I can understand more deeply, the German word Fernweh — an ache to get away and travel to a distant place, a feeling even stronger than wanderlust. That is why I decide to write about Travel. Also, do I have to tell you that there is no other place to write other than MEDIUM? A new breed of readers was brought into being because of this platform. So Medium it is.

Credits to the original creator.

Coming back to my question “Why do we write stories?” The answer to this question may be complicated for some people, but it is pretty much straight forward to me. I write stories because my blog is my favourite Journal. I am a traveller who likes to explore new places every time. In this world of books, travel courses, reels and high definition videos, there are people who still like to do everything in the classic way, they are the writers and readers. That is what motivated me to start writing. I will be regularly writing and updating my blog. Do share and follow! The dream is to make a place for the travellers around the world, which will make them feel like they are at the right place!

Until then,

Cheers! :)
Chapter Two: The Goldfish Duality
Tags: Pandemic Diaries, Diary, Lifestyle, Self

Chapter Two: The Goldfish Duality

As claustrophobic as the year has got me, if it’s taught me something — it’s the art of waste of time. My screen time is at an all-time high spent between juggling the same three apps over and over until I’m sick and bored. No new movie or series is fun enough because there’s always a scene you’ve seen before somewhere you can never quite figure out. I’ve learnt to live vicariously through the youtubers I follow, but then again, a 15 minute narrative rarely trumps over an ever existing sense of underlying boredom.

For so long I’ve had this background anxiety of not doing enough; each year, each month, each day — as if my own life were a competition where I had to win every single time, so I made these never ending lists of urgent to-do lists which had to be fulfilled by the end of the assigned day to have a slightest bit of achievement I could call my own. The early-pandemic was no different where I ended up enrolling myself for a dozen new courses I had no primary interest in except for the fact that they’d look good on a paper. Why am I twenty two and still trying to assure myself I’m not wasting away my life by making hypothetical resumes for non-existing college applications while the whole world struggles to get back on its feet from a plethora of broken economies and never-ending series of catastrophic episodes?

I find it preliminarily basic to be categorized under someone who works a 9–5 no matter of how much you make an hour. Ironically, it’s the one thing right now that helps me keep a healthy schedule most days. Others, it’s delaying unanswered emails and pending tasks waiting for a guilty conscience to hit until you get everything hyper-actively done in a span of an hour or two, promising yourself the next day won’t be the same. Well, spoiler alert — it most likely is. The act of getting something done because you’re obligated to has never been my thing.

On the other end of things, never before have I been so content managing my creative freedom to a point I end up surprising myself. That’s one of the best things to come out of pandemic I’d say. People making art in all forms and shapes inspiring everyone around them to do the same. Appreciating insanely pretty sunsets was always a thing but now, rains in the summer because of cyclone-what are prettier than ever.

Attention span of a Goldfish. That’s how I’d describe my current sense of being. I know for me it’s just escapism, but let’s be honest — it works.
February 26th, 2019
By: Some Lil
Tags: Journal, Diary, Daily Blog

So, technically I’m writing for the 25th. My OCD-self has to have the date precisely exact. Of course. It’s 12:24 am and I’m getting myself ready for bed. I felt like doing a night time recap of my day.

I went back to school today after another weekend. I was fortunate enough to not have to work Saturday or Sunday, but I still fell behind in doing my homework. I procrastinate to the extreme and now that I’m getting into my harder classes this habit isn’t going to fly. I need to actually study and take the time to read my books, watch YouTube explanations, go to the tutoring center, anything. The worst part of the week (and it’s only Monday) is having to be a responsible college student and pass on a chance at a day at Disneyland. Alyssa and I planned on going but there’s too much going on for me on Wednesday that I need Tuesday to really prepare. This is where I start trying to instill better academic habits. No fun.

I can’t help my head from going there, but.. I keep thinking about if or when Justin will text me about removing him from social media. The whole point of me deleting him was for me to FORGET but now I’m internally panicking. My anxiety has been so bad the last few days too. Its uncomfortable. I haven’t been eating much. Smoking makes everything better.

I’m going to head to bed. It’s been 1.5 days since the delete and no response. Maybe it’s for the best. I need to keep my mind occupied with something else. It runs a mile a minute. I hate how much I overthink.
Dear Lost FriendsHonestly I don’t know where to begin or what to even talk about.
By: Kavya Suvarna
Tags: Diary, Storytelling

Dear Lost FriendsHonestly I don’t know where to begin or what to even talk about. This is probably the first time that I am going to write about the jungle of thoughts in my mind. Kavya suvarna Mar 3, 2020·2 min read

So I have lost a lot number of friends recently, mainly because of two reasons.

The ones i lost due to huge fights- Recently I fell out of an amazing friendship. I don’t know how to describe this but we both had our beliefs and we both had our expectations and sometimes they are not always the similar ones. So there you go. I lost her, one of THE closest friends I had. I don’t blame her for it. It was the situations that led to these outcomes. But if you ever get to read this, I want you to know that I Miss You A Lot. The ones i lost over a period of time- Honestly i don’t know when and how it happened. But eventually we weren’t the same. Time and situations changed and our friendship turned out to be much weaker than we imagined. There is no hatred about this. Its just that if I ever cross paths with you, I regret not being the same with you.

To be honest all of these have affected me a lot, I start sobbing up at every tiny bit of issues, I don’t know where I belong in someones life and I start to imagine the worst out of it. In simpler terms I am not ME.

People keep telling you “it will fade away”, “its all going to be okay” or much better “chill”. maybe it will be OKAY but it’s definitely not happening any time sooner, so let me just drown into it all alone.

Currently I believe that every single person in my life, is going to leave me sooner or later. And it is difficult to think of anything other than this. Maybe it’s all in my head (like that’s what I keep telling myself). But what if it isn’t?

So if you are reading this and you know where you belong in my life, or how important you are to me, please don’t leave. Because I don’t know how much more of me is left and I don’t wish to be more scattered.

~TheBlueSkyThinker
We are focusing on failure too much
By: Mengan Yang
Tags: Diary, Self Improvement, Psychology, Russia, Philosophy

We are focusing on failure too much

Photo by Drew Graham on Unsplash

storybackground: im naruto, currently a nomad in russia, i just hitchhiked to krasnoyarsk(siberia city) today, and i decided to approach strangers after rest because this is my hobby.

i was nervous, but why

i still cannot believe that after thousands of practicing interacting with strangers, i was still nervous about interacting with two girls(picture is below )

i saw them at 9th floor

although i had quickly realized that i was nervous, unlike most of the emotion controller beginner who has problem with understand themselves. but i still felt like having this stone, not big one, but a stone in my heart, telling me something like this

stone: “yoooo eric, later on they will dislike you, they will ignore you, most importantly they will not give me focus”

now when i am introspecting, i think its because of my subconscious, or in another word, crystallized cognition created trouble. to use a word for people who still dont understand. it was our past belief and experience that made us distrust ourselves.

how i gain focus back?

thankfully, and not surprisingly, since i have already introspected about losing focus on my goal, i quickly gained focus on

goal 1: ask them philosophical questions

goal2 : ask if they want to watch netflix with me

by telling myself, i can do it, its fucking easy

so i approached them and directly ask

“may i ask you a question?”(in russian)

one person is afraid of me, but one not!!

i was so surprised and felt 1percent of sadness because 1st girl’s reaction was so scared. but i didnt give up, i asked the 2nd girl if i could ask her question.

holly shit, 2nd girl’s reaction was so friendly “sure!! please ask me” then she approach me

believe it or not, she taught me how to play skate board, we had a deal about she will be teaching me next week, and watch netflix as well.

in conclusion

@1 even though ifeel like i am a teacher/master of something, but there are always be some thoughts bothering me to achieve my goal, because of my subconscious create disbelief.

@ 2: how to solve it? make my goals clear and ask yourself, what are the old bad beliefs that are holding me back ?

@3: there are always things/people that will be ignoring you, being not supportive, but there’s no point to be unhappy because our focus should be put on those who are willing to help us

202007 kranoyarsk by naruto
Wootini’s Weekly Animal Crossing Diary 12/14/19
By: Chris Eades
Tags: Gaming, Humor, Diary, Animal Crossing, Videogames

Dear Diary,

Things are finally back to normal in Geneva… or well, at least as normal as things get in this weird little town. I’m back to buying terrible birthday presents and doing favors for people. And now that winter is officially here, there’s special work to be done!

With Toy Day approaching at a rapid clip, everyone is getting psyched up for the holiday. And Hamphrey and Gabi were among the first to let slip what they wanted for Toy Day, so I was careful to note their requests since I know that I’m going to be tasked with handing out the gifts for Jingle again this year. Want to make sure I get them right. No mistakes!

This week was Monty’s birthday, and I decided to buy him a foosball table. At first he looked excited to unwrap it, but then he admitted that he doesn’t have any experience with that sort of thing so he has no connection to it. He tried to claim that it just means it’s something “new and fresh” for him to try, but I know I blew it again. I pretty much blow it 99% of the time when it comes to giving gifts. These folks are so finicky!

So Hamphrey was finally home for a change instead of out exploring his new town, so I was able to check out his decor. It’s a nice Asian-inspired theme, well, aside from the shaved ice maker he bought last week. Oh, and I guess the stereo and fire extinguisher are a little out of place as well. But when you’re dealing with a pot-belly stove like that, an extinguisher is probably a good thing to have around the house!

Not only was Hamphrey the first person to tell me what they were hoping to get on Toy Day, but the guy also immediately asked me to bury a time capsule for him. He’s only been here a week and already he’s getting right into things. Good for him!

Later in the week, it was snowing again, but I noticed it seemed a lot heavier than it has before. Bigger flakes coming down thicker this time. So I knew what that meant… or at least, I hoped!

And sure enough, the next day I was proven right. That was a heavier snowfall than the previous ones, because now there’s snow everywhere! Winter has officially begun! Of course, this means running across snowballs that I could make into snowmen if I wanted to try, but I tend to resist because I’m rather terrible at it and I always feel bad making mutant misshapen snowpeople. I’m sure I’ll eventually do it, but not yet!
See You Again
By: Dammy Ajibike
Tags: Life Lessons, Death, Diary, People, Life

Modúpẹ́ọlá passed 7 days ago… and it has taken me that long to shed a tear. I am ashamed that I am crying for the wrong reason. You see where I’m from, depending on what part of the country your family is from, funerals can be a big deal. When a person passes on, their age at the time of death is a determinant for the kind of funeral they get, it could be a solemn affair or a full blown jamboree. Hers is about to be well, quite something— after all she did reach the beautiful age of 80.

I miss you Grandma, not for the wise words or great conversations we’ve had (we did not share a lot in common after all), you being deeply rooted in Christianity while my nihilist self would merely nod to your preaching and beliefs. Didn’t stop me from picking selective nuggets from the several holidays at your house though.

The funeral visitation book we have for you is filled with a lot of nice words about you, very admirable Mama Nurse. I think you must have stopped loving me when I didn’t want to study medicine. Perhaps that or your memory had started to fail you about things going on with me. After all, you still asked me when I’ll be going for service in October even though that chapter of my life wrapped up in March. But I remember the night there was a power failure and I slept in your big bed, you stayed up blowing me with a hand-fan for hours just so I could sleep soundly — without a complaint.

Grandma, we spent a large part of today shopping for aṣọ ẹbí for your party. You would have loved it, after all you were the proper turn-up queen. We’ve had to hush people up who brought back the memories of how you could never say no to a party. I plan to go through your wardrobe with endless materials soon to see which might find home in mine. Might select one aṣọ ọkẹ and have my tailor turn it into something modern and rad. Perhaps I’ll carry on your legacy.

I miss you Grandma. We spent a large part of today walking in the market for aṣọ ẹbí for your passage into greater glory. The sun was out all noon and I fear that I may be down with fever. My body is burning up and a reenactment of WWII is going down in my head. So I miss you Grandma because you would have been the first person to call and you would have arrived at our house with your bag containing drugs. I never did like the pain that comes with your injections which was your standard remedy for malaria to aid speedy recovery. Being held down during these sessions is a memory I am not proud to recall.

The thought of you not being here is well, tears inducing as expected. But the way death plays out even when you probably expect it, still has the factor of not being dated, and then there is no hope that I’ll see you again — see you again in live, warm, camphor smelling form of course. You should be at peace now, peace from this world of turmoil and that, and only that warms my heart.

December 10. 10.44pm
What’s next?
By: Forgotten Machine
Tags: Imposter Syndrome, Game Development, Diary, Development, Games

I had made this story around the concept of “Into the Dungeons” which with enough work can become a really cool world in which I can create more games. This last sentence is basically true for most everything in the world.

Haven’t finished the first game and this is how my head works… So naturally, with the setback regarding development I find myself in this ridiculous situation.

I feel trapped by the Into the Dungeons idea. I want it to be a PC game. Ideally a 4 player death match.

3 levels of the dungeons. Four adventurers/rogues/thieves whatever, enter the dungeons to steal treasure and technology. The goal is to get to the 3rd level retrieve the treasure and exit. There will be neutral monsters who will attack players, shopkeepers for players to upgrade their weapons, experience for players to level up and get more abilities. So there’s a lot to unpack and think about there.

I keep going back and forth between using a hexagon grid and implementing a keyboard control scheme to move, and the mouse to target for abilities, actions and attacks. Or! Using a real-time MOBA type scheme.

Here’s where I get stuck. Analysis paralysis. Self doubt. All that good stuff. I’m too scared to even start prototyping it. It’s a lot of work, what if it leads nowhere? Maybe I should re-read what I wrote about not giving up.

So, I’ll either put this project on the back burner and think of something that has a smaller scope and get started with that, or I’ll build up the courage to make this. What will it be? I have no clue.
Wootini’s Weekly Animal Crossing Diary 1/25/20
By: Chris Eades
Tags: Gaming, Humor, Diary, Animal Crossing, Videogames

Dear Diary,

Well, as my time in Geneva winds to a close, I’m starting to slack off a little… but not always on purpose! Unfortunately, this week I almost ruined my town that I still have to live in for a couple months!

I thought Anchovy was running over to tell me he was moving away but he actually wanted to try out a new nickname on me. I actually kind of like “Dr. C” because it makes me feel smart. So I told him go ahead and use it. And it seems to be spreading around town because others have asked to call me Dr. C as well! S-M-R-T smart!

Again I seem to be making only perfectly proportioned snowmen this year, but not the size I mean to. So instead of more bingo numbers I got a snowman bed. Sigh. But hey, at least I’m not making the misshapen monsters I used to so I’m getting something for my trouble!

Unfortunately, the real world had a holiday on Monday and although I thought I’d checked in on Geneva when I did my rounds on Tuesday, I found so many wilting flowers it wasn’t funny. So I guess I forgot to check in? At least I didn’t seem to lose any so I was able to water them and bring them all back to life. It was time consuming but if I hadn’t done that, I would’ve lost more than half of my flowers. And those are a point of pride for me. I’m actually not looking forward to starting over in a new place and having to get hybrids started again…

And as if things weren’t stressful enough with the flower situation, Butch tried to add to it by moving away. Naturally, I shut him down. Nobody’s going anywhere, buddy. Sorry. So stop asking. You want to leave? You’re going to have to sneak out like a thief in the night. But you didn’t hear that from me!

Last bingo card was actually a surprisingly quick game but this one is turning out to be an exercise in frustration. So close! And I keep accidentally making Snowboys instead of Snowmen, which is only adding to the frustration.

Gabi also tried to move away and I’m getting sick and tired of her trying practically every week. She has to know that as my oldest friend in this town I wouldn’t let her go anywhere. Heck, if there was a way to bring her with me to my new place, I probably would! (And then she could try to move away from there every week…)

As I said, I’ve been slacking on mayoral duties. If someone asks me for a favor that isn’t too difficult, I’ll do it, but I’m not going out of my way to find things to do. You want to invite yourself over to my house? If it’s not a good time, I’m going to say that. Sorry. And when Hamphrey told me Gulliver was back on the beach, I was not even remotely interested in waking him up. I got all his souvenirs ages ago so I figure I can just let him nap. He needs the sleep!
Spaghetti Bolognese
By: Talya Galasko
Tags: Short Story, Diary, Lockdown, Memories, Youth

Spaghetti Bolognese

On Wednesday afternoon I make spaghetti bolognese, and learn that the only possible way of preventing oneself from tearing up when working with onions, is to wear glasses and not gloves — as I had previously (and always) believed.

I use a recipe from Jamie Oliver’s website which is rated 4.8 stars and measures as “not too tricky” on their internal culinary complexity scale. It’s entitled Deliciously Easy Spaghetti Bolognese, and gets me all sorts of excited — insofar as the delicious seems to pertain to the bolognese, but grammatically speaking, relates to the simplicity part of the recipe instead.

The reason for all the fuss and the bolognese being a big deal is because I’m actually a vegetarian. I rarely eat meat and other animal-based gastronomic varietals, but suffer with some sort of anaemia, and so have supplements and spaghetti when the time is right — rather than going down the route of having an iron transfusion every now and then, which is in my opinion not only tiresome but also quite unreasonably dramatic.

I’d prefer not to be prodded and pricked with needles when I can suspend my ethics and have a delightful dish instead.

The recipe involves three hours of my time and carrots, onions, plummed tomatoes, rosemary, bay leaves, an “ethically butchered” mince from Angus, and a pair of sunglasses I bought for 3 Euros in Paris last year — to assist with the onion tear side of things (in case you forgot that earlier part).

I work while the sauce is simmering, and then clear my laptop away when the dish is done, and sit with the windows wide open and the sun shining through them, onto me and my spaghetti. It’s perfectly delicious and leaves light red oil marks all over the place, and makes me think of just the same kind I used to have at Giovanni’s in Illovo when I was growing up. The waiters would bring the spaghetti through to the tables on the saucepans in which they’d been prepared, and lay them on top of wooden circular boards intended to prevent the going-up-in-flames of both the tablecloth and restaurant, simultaneously.

We are in another place and at another time, but the flavours and rich and thick, and it’s a pity not to be able to share it with anyone — but at the same time, it isn’t.
My 7 Years of Journaling has transformed my Life
By: Garvit Saini
Tags: Journaling, Diary, Habits, Experience, Study

I was curious and a voracious reader since my childhood but used to be victim of overthinking, fear and over sensitivity and was a submissive and average child until I started journaling when I was in 6th standard. I started writing my day to day life, my secrets, my ambitions, my dreams and expectations, all at one place. The day I first wrote in my diary was the best day of my life. It was like a seed which I never knew would soon turn into a tree full of ever giving fruits, I never knew what transformations it can bring in my life and what hidden potential can I unlock. That was the day when I actually started sprouting and destining my future achievements. Though I had won prizes in standard 1 and 4 but those were not actually my achievements but of my teachers and family. It was 2012 as far as I remember, when I achieved for the first time after starting-off with journaling. I was bestowed with a General Knowledge book for securing first position in essay writing competition. That day onwards, I started growing mightier, better at public speaking, debating, painting, writing, studying.

I made more detailed journals with a calendar, habit tracker, daily targets, monthly target, my goals and eventually, prizes and medals started flowing into. I topped 7th standard, received title of ‘Most Creative Student’ in standard 8th. Secured first position in public speaking, debating, hand lettering, painting, Dancing and third position in acting in 9th standard. I topped CBSE 10th standard board with a 10 CGPA. Secured 1st rank in district level poster making competition. And in 12th standard CBSE boards, I topped my school with more than 97% score. And now, I’m writing this blog, studying in India’s best college for Commerce.

“…….And, it doesn’t stop here, there would surely be many more achievements than these, as long as I have my diary”