Tea and Biscuits at The Ashes
By: Stephen Blackford
Tags: Sports, Writing, Cricket, Australia, The Ashes

MCG, Melbourne, Day 1: England 185 all out. Australia 61–1. Yet another Christmas Test Match and far too many gifts for the Hosts.

At “Stumps” on Day 1: England were bowled out for a pitiful 185 and Australia ended the day just 124 runs behind.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Before we delve into the nitty gritty of this, the Boxing Day Test Match, can I direct you to (1) the reason why I’m sitting up through the night watching Test Match cricket and particularly why I adore the Christmas/Boxing Day Test Matches and (2) my blogs from Day 1 of both the 1st and 2nd Tests so far:

MORNING SESSION: England 61–3 at Lunch. (Root 33 not out).

I’ve always had a strong affinity for the Christmas/Boxing Day Test Match if for no other reason than when I first tasted this particular sporting Christmas present in 1986/87 it was incredibly rare to have live sport on Christmas Day (albeit starting at the witching hour of Midnight) but even now with the pun intended advent of virtual all year round televisual sport, the Christmas Test at Melbourne, the famed “MCG” and the forever expected attendances of near 100,000 on opening day still manages to make this perennial 14 year old rather excited. There’s still a kind of illicit feel to watching cricket through the night, and for this Test, from Christmas Evening into Boxing Day morning, this feels heightened in some way. Memories pour forth: of watching this Test in 1986/87 at my Mum’s flat as a temperamental 14 year old through to my last house in my hometown in 1999 and all the family Christmases in between where I’d shoo everyone to bed before the play would start at Midnight. Before moving from my hometown in 1999 family Christmases involved my middle sister, her husband, her wonderful young children, my dear old Mum and me, a skulking, sulking late teen and early 20’s misanthrope, sat beside a roaring real fire, alone, and regardless of the cricket from Australia, lost in my own personal world of happiness.

The 2000’s usually involved cradling a new born or infant son as The Ashes were battled for, the “Sprinkler” tour and all the horrendous defeats that surrounded that one nugget of cricketing Christmas joy, as Warne and McGrath or Ponting and Gilchrist or Langer and Hayden inflicted deeply scarring cricketing wounds far in excess of that one solo piece of Christmas sporting cheer.

A cricketing prediction, of sorts! Sadly, I wasn’t far wrong.

Rising from my Christmas Day slumbers to pouring, freezing English rain I was somewhat surprised to see a similar if warmer position in Melbourne as early morning drizzle delayed play by 30 minutes. At 11.30pm local time the Toss came down in favour of stand in Aussie Captain Pat Cummins (I know he’s the actual Captain! But he’s not really, is he?) and with the inclement early morning weather, a greenish top to the wicket and cloudy overhead conditions he immediately inserted the English into bat and 30 eagerly awaited minutes later, the Christmas/Boxing Day Test (my lifetime favourite), was underway.

Here’s the significant action from the morning’s play:

12pm Midnight and with that ever pleasing sight of a filling Melbourne Cricket Ground, Mitchell Starc has a brand new cherry in his hand and with the driving rain outside pelting the windows and the lights off and a fresh mug of tea at hand, we’re underway.

12.09am HASEEB HAMEED caught Carey bowled Cummins (0).

Hameed barely laid a bat on ball and when he finally did, the incredibly impressive Aussie Skipper snagged an edge through to Carey and England were already in trouble, 9 minutes into the day’s play, and are 4–1.

Australian Skipper Pat Cummins wheels away after snagging England opener Haseeb Hameed for a duck and England are 4–1. Picture courtesy of www.abplive.com

12.37am ZAK CRAWLEY caught Green bowled Cummins (12).

Crawley, in for the out of form (and dropped) Rory Burns looked solid and comfortable for his 12 runs until, yet again, Cummins bowled a cricketing “Jaffa” (unplayable ball) gained the edge and the dependable Cameron Green took a great catch in the Gully and England were 13–2 and within 37 minutes of the Test Match it was already Captain versus Captain, Skip versus Skip, Cummins versus Root, and England, again, in deep early trouble.

1.05am Drinks Break. Dawid Malan 4 not out. Joe Root 14 not out.

As has been established in the first two Test Matches, the Malan/Root middle order partnership for England has been minorly productive but majorly important and here they’ve yet again stabilised the innings to the first drinks break of the morning but there are two old sores that England simply cannot shake:

(1) England should not be constantly 13–2 and their Skipper batting inside the opening 40 minutes of a Test Match. It does not make for a successful and winning formula!

(2) Already, and only 65 minutes into the day’s play, Joe Root simply has to bat all day and make a big Captain’s hundred otherwise the team he leads will be toast. Again.

2.01am DAWID MALAN caught Warner bowled Cummins (14).

Malan only contributed 14 of the 48 run partnership with Skipper Joe Root but, and crucially for the 3rd Test in a row, had dropped anchor for his team and helped to steady the ship. His dogmatic innings was in no trouble whatsoever until the final ball before the lunch break. Yet again it was the Aussie skipper Cummins with the wicket and another beauty of a delivery that forced Malan to play and he edged to a delighted David Warner at 1st slip.

2.01am England 61–3 at Lunch. It’s easy and somewhat churlish to say that it’s “same old England” again but apart from opener Hameed they’ve been expertly bowled out so far and so wonderfully well by Aussie skipper Cummins who at the lunch break has figures of 3 wickets for 27 runs. England are under the cricketing “pump”, the Aussies are well and truly at home in the vast bowl that is the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and they start the afternoon session with their two talismanic leaders at the wicket and with bat in hand. They simply need to “win” the upcoming session.

Another 50 (and out) for England Skipper Joe Root. Picture courtesy of www.bucksfreepress.co.uk

AFTERNOON SESSION: England 128–6 at Tea. (Bairstow 21 not out).

3.06am and after 20 odd carefree minutes after the lunch break England skipper Joe Root reaches his half century. At the time, I scribbled some brief notes as to why I love watching Joe Root bat and I’ll crystallise these notes into a very simple: he reminds me of watching cricket from a bygone era of playing “correctly”, determinedly and with real verve and attacking spirit, and, as I opined on Twitter, I had a bag of Christmas chocolates to enjoy this morning and wanted to scoff them whilst enjoying the Skipper make a big Century.

Six minutes later, calamity struck England once again.

3.12am JOE ROOT caught Carey bowled Starc (50).

Bugger. The simple fact is after playing so “correctly” Root played an awful and very incorrect waft at a wide ball and gifted the trinity of bowler, wicket keeper and the opposition as a whole a priceless wicket. England are 82–4 and teetering yet again on the brink.

3.44am Drinks Break. England 110–4. Ben Stokes has been a mixture of commanding and skittish on his way to 22 runs so far and in partnership with a returning Jonny Bairstow (10 runs so far), they’ve clawed their way to the drinks break with no major alarms.

4.10am BEN STOKES caught Lyon bowled Green (25).

The two English hopes of Root and Stokes had to bat the vast majority of the afternoon session and it’s sad to report that both fell to incorrect and poor shots and here Stokes played a needless shot that was well caught by Lyon in a deep Gully position. In the cricketing vernacular, Stokes “threw away his wicket” and the partnership of 33 runs with Jonny Bairstow comes to an end.

4.38am JOS BUTTLER caught Boland bowled Lyon (3).

Buttler brings up a hat-trick of poor English shots in this session and a disappointingly limp 3rd wicket lost in the session as he simply holes out a weak shot and giving Boland an easy catch and yet another Test Match wicket for Nathan Lyon.

4.38am England 128–6 at Tea. Buttler’s wicket sees the end of the afternoon session and the Tea break and yet another wicket both thrown away and at the end of a session. Ex Australian Captain and Legend Allan Border has stated repeatedly in the Television commentary that 300 is a Par score on this Melbourne wicket (I’d say it’s nearer 350) and frankly England look like falling way short of this and will be bowled out and bowling themselves by the close of today’s play.

Bugger.

An angry and exasperated England Skipper Joe Root thumps the back of his bat after reaching a well played 50 but almost immediately getting out. Picture courtesy of www.smh.com.au

Stumps Day 1: England 185 all out. Australia 61–1 and trail by 124 runs.

5.19am MARK WOOD lbw bowled Boland (6).

20 minutes into the resumption of play in the final session and Mark Wood’s resistance is broken by a beautiful delivery from Boland, ducking into Wood’s pads and a straight forward and “plum” decision for Umpire Paul Reiffel to make. This was Scott Boland’s first ever Test Match wicket and amongst the joyous and celebrating Australians, their visitors were on the brink at 141–7.

5.37am JONNY BAIRSTOW caught Green bowled Starc (35).

Bairstow, alongside his Yorkshire colleague and Captain Root, were the only bright English lights today and played well for his 35 runs before giving a most bizarre catch to Cameron Green in the Gully off the pestering bowling of Mitchell Starc. He tried to duck/avoid the ball and did neither as he gloved a looping catch and England were in the mire and staring at a humiliating 1st innings total, at 159–8 and 2 wickets left.

5.57am JACK LEACH caught Smith bowled Lyon (13).

Along with bowling partner Ollie Robinson, Leach had no alternative but to eventually hit out and try to score some face saving runs and lofted a beautiful 6 into the stands off the bowling of Lyon before “Gary/Gaz/Gazza” Lyon got the “Mad Professor” © of my cricketing mole “Horseman” to edge a simple catch to Steve Smith at 1st slip. England are now 176–9.

6.06am OLLIE ROBINSON caught Boland bowled Lyon (22).

With Leach above, Robinson had partnered for 35 valuable runs before he holed out in the deep looking for big boundary runs at the death of the innings.

6.06am England 185 all out in 65.1 overs.

7.19am DAVID WARNER caught Crawley bowled Anderson (38).

After dismissing England for just 185, the Australians had 70 minutes in which to bat this evening and Warner in particular was keen to reinforce his team’s dominance with almost a run a ball as he scored a quick 38 runs from only 42 deliveries received. However, and with just 11 minutes of play left today he fended a good delivery from Jimmy Anderson to Zak Crawley at Gully who took a brilliant diving catch.

So the day’s recap is a simple if brutal affair if you’re a sleep deprived “Pom” (England fan) and a rather glorious one again if you’re a “Cobber” from Australia:

England again lost all three sessions and were bowled out for 150 short of a par score on this MCG wicket. Root, Bairstow and Stokes all got in and all surrendered their precious wickets with cricketing presents to the Australian bowlers and fielders. It could be argued that both teams are in transition (kind of) and Australia are so far ahead in their particular transitioning path from their visitors as to be far away in the distance and a 5–0 Series whitewash is in the offing. Australia have 2 of the 3 best batsmen in world cricket (England Captain Root splits Smith and Labuschagne in the top 3 stakes) and in Pat Cummins the Aussies also have the best bowler in the world and he was magnificent this morning as he tore apart the England top batting order. Australia also have “The Goat” in Nathan Lyon and he added a further 3 wickets today to his overall 400+ Test Match wickets.

The rub is: England are always seemingly in transition and always seeking those Test Match ready players to fill out their team. And perhaps most importantly of all, they are always giving away their priceless wickets with rash and unlikely Test Match cricket shots. Stokes and Root are world class, but they also showed their fallibilities again today and both threw away their wickets with ridiculously loose and carefree (careless?) shots.

England are under the pump and staring down the barrel of another hot day in the Melbourne sunshine tomorrow chasing shadows. Shadows of their opponents who love such a situation, revel in it in fact, and will love grinding England into the dirt tomorrow as the shadows lengthen on the day and a Series in which Australia are already over the hill and far, far away.