Final Episode 5 — Consciously Aware at the START of a Relationship? How does THAT work out?
By: Barbara Cook
Tags: Personal Growth, Self-awareness, Storytelling, Beyourself, Relationships Love Dating

Wikijagdeep, CC BY-SA 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Not Your Average Soapie — Final episode

Firstly, if you’ve just found this final episode 5, I recommend that you go back and find the backstory by reading the first four episodes. They’re a scream!

Where did you go?

For my regular readers, I’d be fascinated to hear where you went after Episode 4.

After all that build-up and anticipation, what were YOU feeling as I “drove home after it didn’t work out”?

Was there a drop inside of you? Were you disappointed on my behalf? Did you want to console me? Did it flush up any beliefs within you about your search for a partner?

Are you interested in examining what you said to yourself? I’ve sometimes heard people say, “There’s no good men/women out there.” “It’s really hard to find someone on my wavelength.” “I don’t need anyone, anyway. I’m better off on my own.” Etcetera.

All of these are self-perpetuating beliefs that are just waiting to be examined. “Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.” — Earl Nightingale

What was in it for me?

Well, after what some might see as a ‘failed date’, I could gather a group of friends to have a good laugh at how hopeless or (insert derogatory term here) he was …… and leave it at that. Some women I know will even extrapolate that to have a whinge about “MEN in general”, but wiping off half of the human population in one fell swoop has never sat well with me.

For me, there was a feeling of gratitude for the fascinating chance encounter that helped me learn even more about myself and my unconscious patterns. Oh, I learned so much and got to practise so much through this one-date relationship! How else could I possibly solidify all the inner growth that I’ve had over the past years?

Projections — so much easier to see in other people!

I’ve always been really interested in the freedom that comes from discovering any unconscious projections that need integrating within myself. I only discover these projections through interactions with other people.

As soon as I go, “Erk!”,(like I did with this man) it’s a sure sign that I’ve been triggered. If I wasn’t triggered, I’d be merely interested and non-judgmental about this variety of human behaviour.

I’m so thankful that the universe got my attention with this synchronistic encounter, with an invitation to integrate some disowned parts within myself.

It’s like the universe said, “If there’d been a mutual attraction, you could have spent the next two years in the drama of tussling with these projections, thinking all the time that it’s something that needs fixing in him. Instead you can take the shortcut and have a look at this internally if you like.”

A by-product is that I’m left with a feeling of compassion for where he’s at.

What I learned about Safety

Usually when embarking on a new relationship, I’ve had a big story around the idea of SAFETY. You see, the lower ego mind, i.e. the Little Girl archetype from Episode 3, (I called her Celeste) had to find a way to ensure that her open, trusting nature couldn’t be trampled upon or taken advantage of.

The trouble is that, because of her age and her naivete, her development was arrested at a stage when she didn’t get to truly value or love herself, and had no tools for boundary-setting.

Instead, she built herself a suit of armour to feel safe. It took the form of various types of CONTROL.

A number of years ago, Celeste heard about something called a “manifestation list”. The idea is that, when seeking a new relationship, I can set my intention and write a list to become clear about what works for me and what I don’t want to compromise on; a smoker or a pokies addict for example.

It helps you get clear on and align with your truth. Great idea, eh?

Well, Celeste’s manifestation list ran to TWO PAGES! As if, by vetting every single thing about his background and character, her safety would be assured.

But time and time again, as she acted out unconscious patterns of co-dependency, feeling flattered, flowing instantly into the attractive man who seemed to like her, paying scant attention to her inner wisdom and intuition, she felt herself used and devalued, almost like a victim.

A different kind of safety

For this epic one-date relationship, a higher female version of myself was able to stay in levels of consciousness called neutrality and curiosity. (Thank you, David Hawkins for your Levels of Consciousness map). In doing so she had access to soul wisdom and a clarity of seeing and hearing that allowed clear boundaries to be instantly established.

Good choices were made that matched how much she values herself. When she values HERSELF, the word “safety” doesn’t even apply. Integrity and safety are a given.

Grateful for the practice

I’m so, so grateful that I got to practise this.

The most beautiful and reassuring thing about this whole event was a confirmation that things are being organised for me and I am taken care of. I AM guided, and held. The Universe is constantly arranging interactions that match whatever I need to learn.

You see, I’d always felt that I’d meet some man in the course of my life if I was meant to. So I’d been wearing my Double Tree pendant at that time; the one I made at a silversmithing workshop in Bali. The image I had was of two trees standing separately but with their roots entwined. It’s totally wonky and looks like two demented carrots, but here’s a photo anyway.

I have a sense that it’s a physical ‘thing’ that holds the energy of my readiness to experience a particular kind of soulful, conscious connection with a partner. It feels that the universe senses that new vibration and intention, then arranges a person or experience to match.

In this case it was like the universe said, “Oooh, you’re ready to open up to THAT?! Great! We’ll have you meet up with someone who’ll show you what BLOCKS you HAVE to that!”

I’m looking forward with fascination to the next chance meeting arranged by the universe for my education and growth.

Over and out for now,

Love from Barb’s Soapie.