How to build a better connection with your kids in 5 minutes a day
By: Ashley Mona
Tags: Parenting, Kids, Scheduling, Working Parents, Family

“Mommy…Daddy, can you play with me?” This is a pervasive question in our house. “Not now, sweetie, I have to work; I am busy right now, maybe later.” Then with repeated rejection, the question turns rhetorical. “I know, I know, you can’t play because you have to work.” The dropped shoulders, the pitiful sigh, those puppy dog eyes. It’s enough to put a dagger through any parents’ heart.

I quickly have a justifying conversation in my head to protect my heart. “They don’t know what parent responsibilities are. My parents never played with me. They will understand when they get older. “

Since the pandemic, families are spending more time together than ever before. As we work and some school from our houses, the “home time,” which was previously between dinner and bedtime, has turned into an around the clock family togetherness. While more time at home was desperately needed for our family’s over-scheduled life, the slow down has increased the quantity and decreased the quality of our family togetherness. I have found myself on more than one occasion hiding at the opposite end of the house, just hoping my lack of visual presence would not prompt the universally recognized call, “Mommy…..”

If I am honest, I actually have more time than ever to pay attention to my kids. But the loss of any alone time, whether during a commute or grabbing lunch on a break, has become unbearable. What do you do when you have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and no way to recharge from this crazy life? Plus, my kids are struggling too. More sibling fighting, more emotional outburst, and so much boredom, oh the boredom. And how can you have a game of tag with one other sibling? No wonder they ask me to play all the time!

What reasonable goal could I set to help bring positivity to my family? My answer, Legos and LOL dolls! For the past two months, I have told my kids that it is my goal to spend 5 minutes of “special time” playing, reading, or talking with them every day. How they choose to spend those 5 minutes is entirely up to them. I presented this to my kids as a “goal” and not a promise. I wanted to avoid the classic kid trap. “But, you promiseddddd!!!!! Situation. Some days, life gets in the way, but I have kept my promise for most days. We set the alarm on Alexa, and when the timer rings, we hug; I tell them how lucky I am to be their mom and go about my day.

While this idea is not rocket science, I wanted to share some unexpected lessons from implementing 5 minutes of “special time.”

My kids have stopped asking me to play since they know they can count on my time at a certain part of the day. Setting up play encourages them to continue the play after you leave. YAY for a couple of minutes of quiet! It does not take much mental effort or creativity. They really want you to watch and chime in occasionally, so they know you are listening. Believe me; if you try to drive the storyline, you will promptly be corrected. The more we play with toys, the more they pick them up on their own. They find a new interest in toys they haven’t touched in a while. More toy time equals less technology! My kids have started organically pretending together more. Wait; what? I feel like an “all-star” parent! What parent you know plays with their kid every day? Humblebrag! We are creating life long memories and connection!

So whatever your child’s favorite toy or activity, I can’t recommend enough implementing 5 minutes of “special time” into your family routine!

Ashley Mona