Why I Didn’t Pay for Escort Services
By: Eva Sanders
Tags: Sex Work, Women, Sex, Sexuality, Divorce

Why I Didn’t Pay for Escort Services

Author’s own photo

I am sure Mysterious Witt didn’t mean to challenge me personally when she wrote her post Do Women Ever Pay Other Women for Sex? where she said that women don’t use escort services on their own. Boyfriends and husbands can order services for them, but women alone never do. There was an interesting discussion as to why. Apparently, women can easily get free sex anyway.

It was a weekend, I was in the middle of my divorce and felt newly-single. Teenage sons were out of town.

Where the F**k do I F**k?

After a 17-year-long marriage, which followed my previous marriage, which followed a string of long-term boyfriends (you get the idea) — I wondered “where the f*** do I f**k?” I counted that this is the first time I am going for several months without sex since my third year in University. And I am in my early forties now. My hand was definitely not on the sex pulse of the city as Mysterious Witt calls it. I decided to do my own research.

The first thing I did was text my college friend Marina. She has been single most of her life, a single parent, looked happy and sexy. She must know where to get sex.

“The easiest way to have sex when you are single is with your ex-husband,” — Marina said.

I replied with a facepalm emoji. Sex was a major issue during our marriage and divorce. Sex and having my feelings acknowledged. My husband was more into his pleasure and ego-boosting by means of sex, as far as I was concerned. “In any case, you need to get out of the house,” — said Marina. “Commuting to work in your car, getting groceries in the corner shop and walking the dog with one of your sons doesn’t count as getting out. You need to go out to parties and events with other adult people.” She was right. I can also add that at work I share open space with 11 women being a member of a PR and marketing team.

As you become single after a long family life, many things require change. You need new past times, a network of people ready to hang out without spouses. Me personally, I will need to learn to find sex and romance in my own city, not just on business trips.

Maybe paying for sex can indeed be part of my new single life? I need to be open to new formats, I told myself.

Manicure Girl Talk

That day I had an appointment with my beautician Julie. I’d known Julie for 7 years. She is the manicurist-confidante that we see in rom-coms. She is genuinely interested in my thoughts, in what I do and whom I fall for. I genuinely admire her choice to run a beauty business following her university degree in lieu of slaving in a corporation. I was booked in for 2 hours for a pedicure and full-body wax, so we had plenty of time to discuss.

As I was soaking my feet in warm soapy water, I updated Julie on my divorce court proceedings and informed her that I started to want sex again. Since I wasn’t yet ready for a relationship, I was researching into escorts. Like myself, Julie never paid escorts — male or female. She had no idea where to look for them, what to do with them and how much that costs. As she was laboring over my toes, I Googled on my phone. I showed Julie photos of muscular men and semi-dressed women reading out the marketing slogans of the escort agencies. We had a good schoolgirl giggle as if we were spying on boys in a changing room. This is what we found on Google:

Plenty of escort agencies with women and only 3 agencies with men.

We found more adverts for vacancies in male escort agencies than of the male escort services.

Girls charge by the hour, while men’s prices start at 2-hour slots. Julie and I noted sexism and uneven pay. We also wondered whether it’s quicker to satisfy a man?

Girls in the ads were strictly below 25 years of age. Not a single woman was over 30. Some men were 37.

Most men claimed to be professional sportsmen. Julie and I giggled that this is why we didn’t insist that our children do more sports.

Some men had wedding rings. Julie and I were judgmental about men escorts with wedding rings.

Why I Didn’t Pay for Sex Said More About Me

Freshly waxed, with burgundy pedicure and aching laughter muscles, I went home. I poured myself a glass of chilled Pinot Grigio and continued my online escort research. The result was more a study into my personality than into escorts.

“Remember it is never about the partner, it is always about you,” said Joel Rivera, top Udemy psychology coach.

As I read my list, I see my boundaries and limiting beliefs and find somewhat liberating to admit them. I am not surprised to have finished the evening with the vibrator called Frederic.

Here is why I haven’t hired an escort that week-end. Or any other weekend at that.

I wasn’t sure I would get a good professional. I heard multiple stories of sex workers who made no initiative and just expected to be fucked or told what to do. I remember my first husband told me how hired girls during his business trip to Ukraine instead of one because of the local currency devaluation. Imagine his disappointment when he realized that two women had no idea what to do in a threesome! So, he had sex with them consecutively while the other just sit in the corner. For my first time, I would have liked a trusted professional.

Apart from not trusting the sex worker, I also didn’t trust myself to know what to do. I could imagine offering a glass of wine but following that, my mind was blank.

I was concerned about sex with a person I had no connection with. What if this man or woman arrives and I don’t feel like sleeping with them? Would I still have to pay? Would I feel down and disappointed?

I heard stories of call girls complaining of a hard life and being forced into the profession. This way they were pitied and tipped. I didn’t want to hire a sex worker and listen to their moaning.

I was concerned about the STDs and STIs. I learned about the dental dam as I did my research. Now I need to research where I can buy it.

I remembered a story of my school friend who was once drugged by a lady he met in a bar and his apartment was burgled. I didn’t want to be burgled. I have some quality jewelry lying around…

Not that Anyone Offered

Then I learned my lesson. Again! What goes around — comes around. Everything in life is a two-way street. If you are waiting for someone, then someone is waiting for you. Or not, as was my case.

After a few glasses of Pinot Grigio, I decided there is no harm in trying. I chose to message one of the escort girls from the site called Christina, pleasant-looking and not the most expensive one. Her reply was the following: no, I don’t work with women. No-one in our establishment does. No, I don’t know whom to recommend.

While I didn’t want to pay women for sex, they in return didn’t want to offer me any.

Let’s see what my next step would be considering I am newly single, not yet ready for a relationship yet have a healthy libido.