How to Ditch Emotional Baggage Once and For All
By: The Good Men Project
Tags: Relationships, Emotional Intelligence, Forgiveness, Self Love, Love

Bam. He figured out the source of all those subsequent years of baggage. More importantly, he understood what meaning he attached to those experiences. He believed that they confirmed his negative view of himself. The relationships convinced him he wasn’t worthy. He really believed it.

Ask yourself, what meaning have you given to your experiences? To the stuff you have in that icky suitcase? Is it true?

If what you believe is not actually true (and I bet a million homemade oatmeal cookies it isn’t) get a pen and paper and LITERALLY rewrite it into something that is true, and that is much better for you (like replacing liver and onions with oatmeal cookies). Joe wrote down these words: “I am worthy. I am loveable.” By reframing his beliefs — which included saying those words to himself every day, many times a day — Joe was changing his beliefs.

Here are some more ideas about how to reframe your beliefs so that your emotions and thoughts change to create different actions. Your actions, of course, are what affect outcomes.

Focus on the good. Reflect on past relationships with an eye to seeing the good. There is something good to be found. What is it? What were your strengths within that partnership? For Joe, he realized he was loving, kind, and supportive as a partner. What did you contribute to your former relationships? Let that stuff inform your belief system, instead of all the bad memories.

Check your self-talk. We all have an inner gremlin who loves nothing more than to label us, criticize us, and put us down. Shut that guy up — the one who says “I’m an idiot” or “God I’m ugly today” or “I’ll die alone.” Instead, find the inner truth, and if you can’t find one, create one. This truth reminds you every day, every minute even, that there is hope, you are worthy, life is good. Forgive. Yourself and those who have wronged you. If that is hard to do with your heart, going through the motions can help regardless. Try this: write a letter to that person saying the words, “I FORGIVE YOU” even if you don’t feel it all the way yet. Seal it. Burn it.

Journal. Write down all the negative stuff — that baggage-inducing anger and hurt. Feel it, let it pass through you, release it.

Meditate. If at first, you cannot quiet your mind, just fake it till you make it. Giving yourself permission to be still, to nurture your inner quiet, is half the battle.

Affirm. State what you want to believe, even before you believe it. As with Joe, who repeated to himself every hour — I am worthy — this is how you create new neural pathways in your brain (literally — this is science) so that what you want to be true, becomes true.

Explore self-hypnosis. Working with a licensed hypnotist you learn to use the techniques on yourself with the result that you retrain your subconscious mind, much the same way affirmations work. This strategy can go even deeper for those with more stubborn limiting beliefs. By freeing yourself from hurtful patterns you can replace them with beliefs that affirm.

Pray. This means different things to different people. Speaking to your higher source (God, the universe, divine source) is also very affirming because it keeps you focused on what you want, not on what you fear.

Ho’opnonpono. Or explore other spiritual practices that help release baggage. This one — Ho’opnonpono — is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It involves repetition of a mantra/prayer: “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and thank you.” Release….

Seek coaching. A relationship or life coach can guide you through this releasing process in a safe, supported environment.

It works. We can let go of old, useless, heavy, icky baggage that serves us not one bit. Seeing clearly what is hidden away inside that baggage is the first, biggest step. After that, practice one, some, or all of the above suggestions, now and then, every day, however, and whenever you can, until you feel that lightness and realize, it’s gone. Then, love and prosper, my friend.

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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

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About Betty Russell

Betty Russell, BCC is a Dating & Relationship Specialist dedicated to providing Singles with solid information, proven dating skills and an attraction plan to find the right partner. She is your guide to being a smart, savvy, effective satisfied single while dating well, and ultimately finding your true love.