The Morning After: Coping with Mind Overload
By: Marcy Pedersen
Tags: Relationship Advice, Coping, Mindset, Relationships, Mind

Phone call one was a continuance of a previous conversation about relational problems he is having. It is coming to a nice conclusion, but we had to hash out the latest developments. Phone call two is her asking me advice about the same topic, again, that I know she won’t listen to or follow. Phone call three is the meltdown I have been waiting for. Nothing has been dealt with so the same problem keeps coming up. It’s surprising to her, not me. After the dump sessions are over I finally get back to dealing with what was upsetting me. Do you ever get re-surprised about something you should be used to by now? I could hear my oldest daughter saying, ‘Mom, they aren’t going to be the people you want them to be.’ I know, but I keep thinking they will. They should. It’s the way they are supposed to be.

I guess it was the realization of the obvious at just the right moment. She cares more about herself than me. I can’t remember the last time she called and asked how I was. She doesn’t have a clue what we are preparing to do. How much my life is changing. How happy I am starting to feel and how hopeful I am of for the future. No matter what I said at dinner she kept telling us what she wanted us to do. She kept reminding us that she didn’t have to go through any of this and got back to talking about her life. I was sad and the next day I would get the relational and life trouble of my children added on top. My husband was kind though. Cute really. Supportive, but I was numb and couldn’t respond to him like I should have. I woke up this morning feeling scared. Back to dealing with the reality of our country, work, and life.

I came into work this morning and started typing out this post. I have a plethora of work to do, but I sit frozen. Numb. Nothing here really matters. I want to go. Quit, but that work contract keeps me here and the fact I need the money. I wonder if I said or did anything to completely neglect my husband last night. I hope not. I hope he understands the difficulty of trying to navigate life when your mind is on overload. Of having that last straw hit your head and not being able to function. Here I am, at work, COVID free, but who knows what the day will bring. Who knows what the next phone call will be about? Is this real? My mother loves only herself? That was the millionth time she talked about herself, didn’t respond appropriately to our comments, didn’t ask any questions, and didn’t even wonder how I am. She never said a word when we announced our excitement about moving, never acknowledged a thing about us making a major life change. Why am I dealing with this at my age?

— relational, relational, relational, dysfunctional

One of the challenges of having mind overload is that it can cause us to freeze up. It’s not too hard to figure out how to function, most of the time, but doing anything extra becomes difficult. I’ve worked on some goals for several years that should have taken half as long because I have been overwhelmed with life. Perhaps life is holding me back for some reason that I can’t understand. Fate is placing me on hold while other things are put into place. I think we need to do ourselves a favor and accept that there are times when getting by is all we can do. We can wake up every day and strive to achieve new goals, but sometimes we have to do so with the realization that it’s hard enough to function, let alone do a lot of extra. We need to be okay with that.

All this stuff needs sorted out into what I can control and what I can’t control. People I love are having relational problems. What is my role in that? What can I do? What is my role in continued family dysfunction? Is there something I can do to make it better? If not then I need to find a way to accept the status quo and need to create realistic expectations for the future. I shouldn’t expect dysfunction to stop. For people to suddenly act like they should. I can’t make people care about me. I can determine my level of involvement with them and create boundaries where they need to be so that I can create a healthy environment. She may never care the way I want her to. I need to find a way to accept that is how my life is and will be.

This thing called work teaches us a lot about the value of showing up. Our employers want us to show up and do our work regardless of what is going on. Quite annoying actually, but it produces great results. When our feelings are ramped up we need to show up. When we can’t comprehend what is going on we need to show up. Some days we will hit tap dead center and some days we will be lucky just to get into the car. People who show up and try will produce results. We can’t help but move forward when we are showing up and putting in effort.

I started writing this post at 6 a.m. this morning. It is now 2:38 p.m. I came to work disillusioned, disappointed, and overwhelmed, but I will leave feeling productive, hopeful, and eager to start a new day. All I did was show up. Shared a little with a friend to help me navigate my current feelings. Put some trust in the future and that things will work out at the appointed time. Do some work despite how I feel and work on my goals, like writing, even though I feel ill equipped to work on them. Today might not be a day to create a masterpiece, but it could be a day to find renewed purpose and focus as I strive to cope with mind overload. All this showing up and working has helped me to clear my mind. You know they might have relational problems, there might be dysfunction, but wow! Look at what I, what we can do, in spite of it.

Marcy Pedersen