Grayson
By: Sophia Robbins
Tags: Gratefulness, Finding Yourself, Confidence, Positivity, Uniqueness

This is his code name. I used it in a story that I wrote one year ago. He is my friend’s older brother and I had feelings for him a while ago. Those feelings have resurfaced.

I want to have some kind of relationship with him that isn’t just a friendship. How do I do that without hurting my friendship with his sister? She is my best friend, and isn’t it girl code not to go after siblings?

When she did something with my brother I was beyond mad at her. But she has told me in the past that she would be fine with it. Maybe that has changed though?

Let’s go over why I like him. He is sweet and caring. He always looks out for his friends and he has defended me multiple times. I don’t know what it is that really draws me to him, but it's something strong.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. He is popular and has every girl fawning over him. I would be damned if I thought I had a chance. And the funny thing is, that I did have a chance. A year ago, I had a chance with him. Neither of us said anything though. So it never became, “a thing”.

I have so much regret for not taking the chance when I had the opportunity. And my plan was to try again this year. But right as I tried to start showing a little interest, he brought a girl home. He follows her around like a lost puppy.

She makes him a better person. He is nicer and more approachable when she is around. And she is the nicest girl you will ever meet. It doesn’t matter what anyone ever says about her, because there is nothing to criticize. She is perfect. And I am not.

So how do I stand a chance? How do I get him to notice me as more than just his sister’s best friend?

I shouldn't be aiming for attention from a guy. I should focus on good grades or being a good friend.

But I don’t care about those things because I already know I have good grades. And I already know I am a good friend. I want him to notice me.

I stay up thinking about him. He doesn’t leave my thoughts at all. I even dream about this stupid boy. I doze off in class and catch myself daydreaming about him. When someone talks about their own boyfriend I imagine what it would be like if it were him and I.

Why am I so focused. On this one, boy.

I know I am not the only one who thinks we would be good for each other. Just the other day his dad told me that I should marry him. I know it's all just a joke but I want to date him. I like him.

But I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t like him for countless reasons. He is my best friend’s brother for starters. He ignores me when he is with his friends. He already has all the girls he could ever want. He is older. He is out of my league. He is, he is, he is.

I could keep thinking as that or I could think like this.

I should like him because he is generous. I should like him because he is sweet and kind. I should like him because he is humble. I should like him because he is mature. I should like him because he would treat me right. And that is exactly why I do.

And I shouldn’t let petty details get in the way. He has a girl right now. Okay. Respect that, don’t get in the way, don’t ruin it for him.

Be patient wait your turn.

If it’s meant to be, then things will align and you two will be on the same plate. Just give it time.

He will notice you, he will be interested in you.

He isn’t going to forget about you.

Who cares if you aren’t the most popular girl in school? You have ten times the personality they do.

Who cares if you aren’t the most athletic girl on the field hockey or lacrosse team? You still work harder than all of them and you do your best in the sport you accel at.

Who cares if you don’t think you are as pretty as them? God made you this way. Don’t ever think for a minute that he would make you imperfect. There is beauty in your flaws and he made them noticeable so that you could learn to love them.

It doesn’t matter if they are skinnier than you, have better hair than you, look better than you think you do.

They are just as insecure as you are. Don’t let that hold you back.

Find yourself. Find what makes you unique. And cherish it. Love it more than anything else you have ever thought you loved.

Be confident in yourself. Don’t let society or popular girls decide how you have to look.

Be you.

Be yourself.

And then love yourself.

Love every inch of yourself because the confidence you have in yourself, your flaws, your beauties, your weaknesses.

Will set you apart from every other girl that comes across anyone’s path.

That confidence that sets you apart will get you noticed.

So keep your thoughts to yourself, get your work done, know your worth.

Because the Lord will send the right person to you when he thinks it is the best time for you.

Don’t lose hope love, everything is going to get better.

The Lord will make sure,

That you are living your best life.

A life like no other.