Wtf is going on here?
By: First Time Mama
Tags: Motherhood, Life, Baby, Pregnancy, Moms

Abducted by aliens and replaced with a more upbeat version of myself? Banged my head? On happy pills?

No, none of the above. The piece you are about to read is me from top to bottom. I am optimistic, full-steam ahead and am more usually to be found laughing that moping around.

I know from my posts that I can be a bit grim and I haven’t always been filled with the joys of motherhood. You can go elsewhere for those type of sentiments but I am actually one of the happiest people I know.

Maybe this is why I found first time motherhood such as soul-suck. Was it really that bad? No, but it was tough. Balancing work and a baby was god-awful and there are loads of positions I just should not have been in. I had no hands-on support and so, as every year does get easier, I can fully appreciate how shit it all was — but this isn’t a post about how the sun came out and I learned to love myself again. I have always loved myself, even if I haven’t always fought hard enough to be heard. It happens to bouncy, capable people. We just have to deal with it.

Anyhoo, we’ll save the emo rant for another time…

Today is all about smashing motherhood. Yes, those days when you get up and you feel like you can take on the world — and the world just takes it on the chin. I’m not thinking about the days where you are covered in snot, with leakages in more than one place and an instant recoil when you realise the bag lady reflected in shop windows is your very good self. I’m thinking about the days when you know deep down inside that you have got motherhood under control.

DID BABY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP?

Who cares. Today is all about how you feel. You refuse to be evaluated through the filter of your baby. If they’re struggling to fall asleep or don’t want their dinner, it’s just not your problem. Other times, you’ll absorb all the guff coming your way and everyone’s problems will be your own — but not today.

Is it because you didn’t have to lie on the bed to pull your jean zip up?

Is it because you just feel lighter?

The weather? Something to look forward to? Hormones not pissing about for once?

DON’T ANALYSE IT TOO MUCH…

You’ll possibly never find out why. Just enjoy it for what it is. It’s such a natural feeling that yes, you are a mother and you can take everything in your stride. Dinner is sorted. The house doesn’t look like it’s been burgled. You’re just on top of things. You’re smashing motherhood.

Enjoy it. Go for a coffee but whatever you do, don’t mention it to anyone. Clutch it to your bosom like an early positive pregnancy test and keep your secret to yourself. I’m not being a downer by saying that it won’t last forever but, if you tell those around you, they’ll suddenly start downloading their problems on you again. You’ll get a new to-do list that involves booking the car in for an MOT. Your closest support network (husband/wife/partner) will take your buoyancy as an opportunity for them to unhook themselves from their obligations. You’ll find yourself holding the baby while they go for a really long bike ride or catch up with the boys — after all, you seem more like yourself.

SHHHH

Take full advantage of your brave new optimism. Go for a relaxed cuppa. Read your book. Get back into bed and do a bit of Netflix. Do whatever it takes to keep you ticking over.

They’re right. It is the start of things getting back to normal but it’s a long-drawn out journey so keep it to yourself.

You’ve got this. Go and kick some ass (quietly)

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