I Wanted to Develop During the Pandemic
By: Scott M., His One-Man Blog
Tags: Injury, New York, Professional Development, Pandemic, Fitness

My injured hand ensured that my only responsible priority is to heal up.

By Scott Mason

It’s good to be back on Medium. I just wish it was under better circumstances. This pandemic has been hard on all of us to some degree. I’m not a healthcare worker or an employee of an industry that has had to shut its doors for the public good of stopping the spread of covid-19. I’m not married, I don’t have kids and I’m not a college student with his education plans stuck in limbo. Yet this is a time for professional and personal development as well. Or, at least it should be. Not for me, though no matter how much I want it to be otherwise.

I had plans as a furloughed professional. Spend my spare time taking advantage of as many free online classes a possible. Get into strength training. Try to eat better. Get back to mixing drinks. The works. Until this past July it was going smoothly. Then one day I woke up with mobility problems in my right hand. It wrecked everything. I won’t be giving the Vulcan “Live Long and Prosper” Greeting from Star Trek anytime soon. I could squeeze my fingers together as effectively as an earthworm when this all started. I started drinking all of my beverages straight from the bottle or in a paper or plastic cup given the number of times I dropped the carton and it’s kind of embarrassing to suddenly have trouble opening jars for the first time in your life. I’m glad that I am single right now.

I couldn’t hold things in my right hand, even if I needed to pour myself a glass of almond milk. My grip was too weak to use even the smallest of dumbbells. I couldn’t move my pinky or ring fingers, obliterating my ability to be productive, especially with typing a post like the one you are reading now. My opportunity to hone new skills and become more fit was figuratively shot in the kneecap.

It turned out I had three ulnar nerve compressions. One in the wrist, a bad one in the elbow and a less severe one in the neck, which is still receiving diagnostic care. I had surgery to release the elbow and wrist compressions and had the nerve transferred back in October. There’s some recovery but, it’s going to take 2 to 3 years to know if I’ll ever be up to snuff again. Some promising signs are that my hand measurements are improving and I am building some muscle mass in certain parts of the hand. I’m just worried about my motor skills now and I’m in for a long wait. All the while, upper body strength training will be irresponsible to engage in now. I can’t risk another injury after this. It’s been too costly.

I could not for the life of me tell you with even remote certainty how on earth this happened to me. It’s rare to see someone my age with double (or perhaps tripple) crush syndrome as severe as mine develop so quickly without something obvious causing it. Like an industrial accident or getting hit by car or tumor sitting right on the ulnar nerve. The fact that the ultrasound test that I had ruled the latter out is one of the few silver linings from my current plight.

One thing that truly gets to me is when I am shut out of a specific activity or pastime for reasons beyond my control. I’m not talking about any kind of rejection from others. I don’t hold anything like that against other people. I’m talking about when loads of other people are in the position to make their lives better in ways that I can’t. I’d love to take advantage of the remote fitness phenomenon right now, but when someone is in my position, the only practical choice you have is to hope that you heal up enough to ever lift any dumbbells or weights again.

I am finally out of my splint and I can finally type using two fingers on my right hand. I’m back onCoursera and taking advantage of its partnership with the NY State Department of Labor. I hope there’s enough time for it to be worth something professionally before I have to start paying for most of their courses again. As for fitness, my only option now is walking until I receive physical therapy.

When I was young, I walked away from attempts at activities like rock climbing and skiing in shame due to days full of falling over and never getting above one handhold. Multiple times with the former. I was eager to fix that once the pandemic was over and I’d developed some body strength and balance. Now I may be capable of even less going forward. All because of an injury that may never go away. I ask my fellow millennials not to take their health for granted. You never know when it might start having partial but still disrupting complications. I’m rolling with the hand my biology has been dealt me on this hopefully short-term setback. I’m taking the responsible approach of being mindful of my condition rather than being gung-ho about self-improvement from a fit person’s shoes. That doesn’t mean I should learn to like it.