To the lost and found: finding creativity in uncertain times.
By: Susie Howard
Tags: Unemployment, Creative, Designer, Graphic Design, Covid 19

A creative’s experience becoming unemployed in a pandemic, and why it’s ok to be lost for a little while.

On March 12, 2020 I left the office for what I didn’t realize would be the last time.

Two weeks later I was furloughed indefinitely. On April 19, I was called back to my position. Over the next two months, I cranked out work, trying to find focus and creativity in a new normal. On Friday, June 19, I received a call at 3PM letting me know I was being let go — this time for good.

I suddenly found myself unemployed and lost amid the COVID-19 pandemic, with rising political and social unrest and an uncertainty for the future.

I put my key card in the mail. An hour away in central Connecticut, an HR representative who I’d never met packed up my office.

A few days later I received three boxes via FedEx, full of personal belongings and mementos I’d accumulated over the course of almost two years, and that was that. A chapter closed, remotely. Like many others across the country, I suddenly found myself unemployed and lost amid the COVID-19 pandemic, with rising political and social unrest and an uncertainty for the future.

To say I felt devastated and hopeless is an understatement. As a self-taught designer, I think I was always trying to prove myself.

I had a self-imposed debt to pay, to show both current and potential employers that I had it in me to be the best designer they’d seen, to blow them away with my determination and creativity, despite having a B.A. in Psychology and not Graphic Design like many of my peers in the industry.

So there I was after working my way up over the course of five years from Junior Designer to Art Director — unemployed, quarantined, and lost.

I don’t think I even opened an Adobe program for the first month. I was questioning my path and all of the work it had taken to get where I had been. Was it worth it? The long nights, the pitches won and lost, the ups and the downs. Was I worthy of being in the field? How could I find my way back? Did I even want to?

Countless applications went unanswered and wow, do those automated, impersonal Indeed emails get old (no, I don’t think I am a perfect fit for the DevOps Engineering position in Florida and neither do you, thank you though).

It has taken me three months to get my confidence back. Three months to rediscover my passion for the field, and find joy in creating again just for the fun of it.

It was just last week that I found the ability to look at the work I created in my last position and finally include it in my portfolio. It’s like looking through photos of an ex — do I wish I could destroy any evidence that it happened and move on? Kind of. But I know I can’t and shouldn’t do that. It’s an important part of my past and the journey to get where I am today, and it’s work I should be proud of, even if it was done for a billion dollar corporation who ultimately saw me as nothing more than a number on a spreadsheet.

“Creatives are like candy with a hard, crunchy exterior, and a soft, gooey interior.”

I share this because I want others to know that they’re not alone. Us creatives can be a soft, sensitive bunch.

A former AD of mine once described it best — “creatives are like candy with a hard, crunchy exterior, and a soft, gooey interior” (thanks BC, I still think about that often). I laugh because it’s so true, and I think that’s what makes us so good at what we do. We’re thoughtful, empathetic, and have the uncanny ability to see things from other perspectives. It’s how we can pivot and design for different companies, products, services, and audiences in a single day. It’s what makes the wins so sweet, and the losses so sour.

I thought about candy coating this (I promise that’s my last confection reference, it’s almost lunch, I’m sorry) but I want people to see the real me, read about my experience, and maybe find comfort knowing they’re not the only unemployed creative trying to rediscover themselves while they search for their next role.

Be comfortable trying new things that aren’t tied to your career. Maybe you’ll fail, but without failure, you won’t experience how it feels to succeed on your own terms.

It’s ok to put down the stylus and focus on something else you’re passionate about.

Go ahead and make the sourdough (even if your starter goes unfed in the fridge after a month). Try your hand at rollerskating (you’re going to fall, and it’s okay). Read book after book on the couch while you cry a little (did I do all of the above? maybe…) Be comfortable trying new things that aren’t tied to your career. Maybe you’ll fail, but without failure, you won’t experience how it feels to succeed on your own terms.

Whatever you do, understand that you will find your way back.

You’ll start sketching again when an idea pops into your head out of the blue. You’ll open Illustrator one day and start designing icons just for fun. You’ll look at your previous employers website, with your designs still present and the memories a little softer, and it won’t sting as much. You’ll be invigorated and excited about the future, even if you have no idea what it holds.

Trust the process, and remember there’s always candy to make things a little better.