Episode 9: With Paul C (On Movies, Medication, Childhood, Fatherhood and Healing)
By: Jonah Hall
Tags: Forgiveness, Podcast, Parenting, Fatherhood, Psychology

Meet Paul. He’s a father, husband, son, student, electrician, and an adult baseball player, among other things. He’s genuine and thoughtful.

Opening:

Paul describes participating in adult baseball league with older men.

Movies: The Exorcist, Inside Out

via IMDB

Paul is taking a class on horror films. He just finished reading The Exorcist. We take a dive into The Exorcist and themes of demonic possession versus the impact of sexual abuse on mental health. Roman Polanski and the abuse of young actresses in Hollywood and television.

0:12

Jonah was nearly a child-star (possibly).

0:14

Paul doesn’t definitively believe in demons or ghosts but he’s very interested in creepy stories. Paul is a father of two. His daughter is 8. She went through a fairy tale phase. His son is 6.

via IMDB

Jonah mentions Pixar’s Inside Out. Highly recommended. A peak inside the way our emotions are complicated and intertwined. Building emotional intelligence in children.

0:18

Life Goals for People Who Rarely Examine life

Social media and “Find Your Beach” billboards. The goal for some: retire so you can play golf and smoke cigars. What is the place that you want to get to?

What if I don’t want to find my beach? What if everyone at my beach has COVID?

0:22

Competition

Paul introduces Jonah to his friendship with Chris. Jonah has to edit out the last name for privacy purposes. On the recording you will hear a mechanical burp in place of the last name. Paul gains satisfaction by finishing in second place against Chris because Chris just happens to be very good at some things.

Paul learned how to play golf in high school by joining the golf team. Paul enjoys playing in two adult baseball leagues. Paul and his teammates, and the umpires, all wear uniforms.

“If you have a beer belly and you hit your 50s, that takes you out of baseball. Not everybody looks like an athlete in the leagues that I play in.”

Dick the 76 year-old designated hitter. Paul has played on the same team on Cape Cod for fifteen years.

Paul is a licensed electrician.

0:30

Paul’s Quiz: Either/Or Questions

Paul answers Jonah’s questionnaire. Example: Dogs or Cats?

0:36

Pants and Weight

Paul recently bought five pairs of the exact same blue jeans. Jonah has a problem with jeans because of his bigger tuchus and slightly in-between length. The jeans that fit perfectly only last for a few years.

Paul is 6'1" and about 200 pounds. He’s diabetic. He’s lost about thirty pounds and is taking better care of himself.

Which is worse: laundry or dishes?

Paul finds catharsis in repetitive tasks. A lot of the things you do as an electrician is repetitive. Paul has some OCD.

0:42

Medication and Dosages

Paul was working for his cousin in his mid-20s. He was not sleeping enough. His primary doctor put him on ADD medication.

Paul describes the impact of the medication: you’re wired and productive and then you crash. His dosage kept getting increased and the side effects got worse and he wasn’t sleeping consistently. He began reading heavily and working less. Being self-employed made it harder for Paul to leave the house.

Paul tells a story of having to put down his cat and being stuck in a depression and gradually becoming addicted and over-medicated.

photo via Visual Hunt

0:54

“Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left” by Andrew Bird

0:57

Complicated Childhood Dynamics

Jonah describes his childhood situation with his parents. Divorce before conscious memories, visiting Dad’s house every other weekend.

Paul describes his parents situation — teenage relationship. Paul’s mom gave birth to him a month after finishing high school. Paul’s dad was not responsible and did not provide for the family. Paul’s mom remarried when he was 5. Paul didn’t see his biological father until he was 10 or 11…and only sporadically. Paul’s step-dad became his “Dad.” This man had mental health issues, and went through varying levels of depression. He was not openly abusive, but he was neglectful, uncommunicative, emotionally absent, and aggressively passively aggressive toward Paul.

Something Hits the Fan

The relationship grew more tense as Paul became a teenager.

When Paul was 25 and living with his girlfriend away from Cape Cod, he worked on Cape Cod, over an hour away. Paul tells a story of when it all came to a boiling point with this man.

He was emotionally abusive. He only spoke to Paul when he was commanding him to do something. Paul tells a story involving chess.

photo via Visual Hunt

1:17

Paul took a creative writing class and his relationship with his father (Eric) began dominating the writing and Paul realized he wanted to write about more than just this man.

Searching for Biology: A Million Daggetts

Via Facebook, Paul goes on a search to find his biological father. Paul emails back and forth with his biological father. Meanwhile, Paul is on the cusp of fatherhood. The back-and-forth wasn’t leading to a positive connection with his biological father. Paul met his half-siblings over pizza. They are about ten to fifteen years younger than Paul.

1:25

Paul met his biological father’s ex-wife, who still lived with Paul’s biological father. She answered all of Paul’s questions and was brutally honest. Paul realized he was better off not knowing his biological father.

What Does it Mean to Be a Father?

Healing: Becoming a Father and Having a Son

Paul’s daughter arrived. It helped ease him into fatherhood. Paul’s healing process. Becoming a father, being with his son.

Jonah describes his grandfathers and how different they were and the examples they set for their children.

Discussion of men growing up in the late 1920s and 1930s and how they raised their children in the 1940s and 1950s.

1:36

Forgiveness, Trust and Forgiving Your Self For Expecting More

Paul started taking guitar lessons just before his daughter was born. He developed a great friendship with the teacher. Paul learned a deeper sense of forgiveness toward both his biological father and his dad and began to see that they were not capable of being the father he needed.

1:41

What is Letting Go?

Acknowledging, not avoiding the pain of those relationships. Once you acknowledge, what do you do with the disappointments? Each relationship is unique and contextual.

Jonah describes the complexities of fatherhood, identity and healing.

1:47

Parenting: Acknowledging the Uncertainty and Messiness of Life

All of the planning some of us put into the idea of becoming parents. And how so many around the world have babies without planning.

1:55

Paul remembers seeing Sylvester Stallone in movies and wondering if that is close to what his biological father looked like. Paul likes low-brow and wonders about his personality. Rambo’s kid. Rambo doesn’t like high-brow.

Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top, a movie about truck driving and arm wrestling.

via IMDB

Having Children

Paul and his wife waited three years after they got married to start trying to have a child. Paul’s mother-in-law was worried.

2:05

Adoption

Paul thinks about the idea of adopting in the future. Jonah and Natasha have thought about it.

2:10

Appreciation

Paul and Jonah appreciate the conversation and the fact they got to know each other.

Episode 9: With Paul C (On Movies, Medication, Fathers, Fatherhood and Healing)

(theme created by Jonah with Chrome Music Lab)