Why You Should Reach Out And Touch Someone This Winter
By: Jennifer Jank
Tags: Connection, Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Conversations, Network

Remember those phones, business owners? Graphic by Annalise Art via Pixabay.

If you’re of a certain age (ahem) you might remember the old AT&T ads that urged us all to reach out and touch someone. Long-distance, because those kinds of calls cost more in the days of landlines. (Due to COVID-19, in 2020 we still need to keep the touches at a distance.)

A big part of life for humans is connection with other humans. Even introverts need a few relationships. We might not need bonds with as many people as extroverts typically do to be happy, but very few people are genuinely happy living as hermits.

And it’s especially important for business owners (yes, even introverts, hi!) to connect with other entrepreneurs. They don’t have to be in your industry, though that’s helpful too. But in any field you’ll find people who are struggling with the same things that you are. Things that your family or friends who don’t own businesses don’t get.

“It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.” — Yogi Berra

Ways for business owners to connect

Originally our ancestors bonded with each other through physical proximity. In a village of 150 people, you know everyone and everyone knows you. Because that’s how we evolved, human to human or face to face physical meetings are the best way to develop relationships. That’s most satisfying to our savannah brains.

The next best way to truly connect is to use the phone, as in actually calling someone (not texting). For a very long time, this was how people who weren’t physically near each other communicated and caught up with each other.

While talking over the phone isn’t as rich a method of communication as meeting in person, you can hear the other person’s tone of voice and hear other cues that help you get the meaning. You can usually tell when someone’s being sarcastic, or making a joke. Which is not the case with texting and emailing.

Younger people tend to text instead of calling people. Those of us who grew up with landlines but adapted to smartphones use both. Now get off my lawn, whippersnapper.

For example, I don’t want to have a full discussion or conversation with someone over text. I’ll call (or Zoom) for that. But if I just have some information to impart but don’t need a whole convo about it, texting is very convenient. Like if I’m telling my friend I’ve arrived at the restaurant or made it home after visiting them.

There are two issues with texting/emailing/being on social media to connect. Or basically anything that requires the use of your fingers instead of your voice.

1. Most communication is nonverbal

The words we use only convey about 10–25% of the message we’re sending. All the rest is through things like body language, gestures, facial expressions, tone and volume of voice, etc.

When people can only read the words, they’re missing a lot, if not most, of the message.

I’ve been in trouble more than once for making jokes or trying to be humorous over email. The recipient didn’t get the joke, or didn’t realize I meant to be funny. (It’s true that in person I try to stay deadpan for the delivery of the joke, but at some point people can tell by looking at my face that I’m kidding. Usually.)

All that nuance is lost when people can read the words only.

2. Being online means you’re distracted

You’ve read me yammering on about disabling notifications and being productive by reducing distractions and turning your cellphone off while trying to do deep work. But true connection also requires that you’re actually paying attention to the person you’re trying to develop a bond with.

You need to be listening to understand and not to react(active listening), and for that you must concentrate.

But if you’re emailing/texting/on social media, you’re online. Getting notifications and ads and all kinds of other things which prevent you from being fully in the moment with the other person. And that prevents you from truly connecting with them.

The 21st century brought us Zoom and other videoconferencing platforms. You might not be seeing people in person, but you can hear them talk and see their faces so you are getting more of the message.

It’s definitely a better solution than texting/emailing/social media! Because it’s so new science isn’t sure if it’s as good as being physically present with someone. At least in terms of the happy feel-good chemicals we get when connecting with someone in person.

Connection and COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has been awful for a lot of people, including entrepreneurs. Especially here in the US with a total lack of leadership that resulted in an unacceptably high body count. Even so, there have been some silver linings.

People are able to connect more. Particularly if the pandemic helped them avoid spending so much time in the rat race. Not to mention the lack of commute also means that more time is available for business owners to chat and catch up.

A colleague I hadn’t spoken to in a while called me up, and it was great to talk to her again! We didn’t talk about anything earth-shattering. (Nor did we talk about politics.) We just caught up and found out what the other person’s been up to over the past few months

I got to catch up with my grandmother, aunts and uncles, cousins, and their kids and pets because of COVID-19. My grandma’s nursing home had stopped allowing visits for obvious reasons.

Instead, you could schedule a Zoom call with your loved one. We had several of these virtual visits this year. Which was good, because COVID eventually did reach the nursing home and my grandmother died of it at age 98. (I’m convinced she otherwise would have lived to 100+.)

Connection with other business people

Family and friends are important to stay in touch with, but so are colleagues from inside and outside your industry. Networking even while you have a job is always a good idea. If for no other reason than having people to reach out to if you end up losing your job, as so many did with the pandemic.

Other business owners are great to have in your squad, because they get it. They know what it’s like to miss an important personal event because you needed to get something crucial done in your business. How it feels to lose a client. Or how tiring running your own show can be, no matter how much you love it!

They can also recommend good people to assist you, like bookkeepers or business lawyers they work with. Other entrepreneurs can let you know what software they’re using to automate certain processes, or about their experiences in a certain market or channel.

Naturally, being a smart businessperson, of course you return the favor for others. But you’ve got people around you who know what you’re going through.

Having raving fans for your products and services never hurts, and the more of those you can find to spread the word the better! A personal cheerleader or two is great as well. People who support you and your venture, even if they’re not entrepreneurs themselves, will keep you going when you hit the inevitable obstacles.

How to reach out

Now you know you should connect with someone, preferably over the phone or Zoom since in-person is too risky in the time of COVID! Unless, like me, you live in Southern California or somewhere else you’re comfortable staying outside and social distancing.

Conversing with others isn’t about trying to make the sale. Though it may lead to more sales down the road. It’s about reconnecting with those you haven’t spoken to in a while, or making stronger bonds with people you might not know well.

Go through your CRM (Rolodex for the older readers) and look at all the people you haven’t spoken to in a while. Call one up! Or invite them to a Zoom.

Search your social media for people that seem interesting, or are potential clients or referrals. Schedule a “virtual coffee” date to get to know them. You can chat over videoconference and see and hear each other.

Ask them questions and be your real self. Pay attention to what the other person’s saying. Not your phone, notifications, emails, or anything else. When you don’t know something, admit it! Yes, even if you’re building a business relationship.

Happy connecting! Io Saturnalia!

Want to improve your connection with potential clients on your website? I have a FREE guide to content tips and *trix* to attract your ideal client, so click here to nab yours.