Did You Really Just Say That?
By: Eva Leung
Tags: Bias, Asian American, Racism, Rant, Microaggressions

Did You Really Just Say That?

4 Examples of Everyday Microaggressions I Experience as an Asian in America

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

“How do you speak such good English? I can barely hear your Chinese accent!”

“I’m not being racist, but there are two Chinese women in my team, and I am always amazed how women in your race always work so much harder than your counterparts.”

“You’re being awfully quiet. Speak up! We want to hear from you too!”

“You’re pretty, for Asian.”

Over the summer, I started the habit of journaling. As a way to regulate my emotions, I made sure to write down things that bother me but that I didn’t act on. The above are all actual sentences that have been said to me — by strangers, acquaintances, colleagues, even friends — within the last month. Most of these, I believe, were spoken with good intentions. Yet, even the act of recalling these situations makes my blood boil, my heart pound, and my head split in exasperation.

Reading this, you may think that I’m being overly sensitive. Aren’t these just trivial, harmless comments? They caveated that they are not racist, so surely they just wanted to pay you a compliment? Can anyone say anything anymore without someone getting offended?

These are the questions that I already ask myself every single time I encounter such situations. Sure, on an isolated basis, it is easy to shrug off an offhand comment as ignorance and go about your day unaffected. But what some people may not realize is that for me, and I imagine for many minorities in our society, these are not one-off incidents. They are continuous, cumulative, unaddressed. Every offhand comment reinforces the message that I don’t belong in the country that I live and work in, that I am seen only for my race, but not as a person with my own unique accomplishments. Yet precisely because each comment is unintentional rather than overtly racist, there is no proof of hostility — only my subjective anger, discomfort, rage, and inevitably, depression.

Only after taking a Law and Psychology class at Yale, did I realize that that these are examples of microaggression. The term was first coined by Harvard University psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce in 1970. Since then, many experts have studied microaggression and its psychological effects, including Columbia University professor of psychology Derald Wing Sue who wrote an entire book on this topic. Dr. Sue defines microaggression as “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.” His research shows that microaggressions are psychologically painful for the recipient, and are found to impair performance in education, employment and access to health care by breeding inequities.

In fact, microaggressions are found to be more psychologically damaging than overt racism / sexism / other forms of overt prejudice, because the “perpetrators” typically do not mean harm, but are ordinary people who see themselves as moral, decent people. In other words, microaggressions are caused by unconscious bias.

Using the 4 examples I quoted at the beginning of this article, here are my experiences when well-intended people unintentionally directed microaggressions at me:

“How do you speak such good English? I can barely hear your Chinese accent!”

Please don’t compliment my English, just as I wouldn’t compliment yours when you speak it fluently. Why do I have to have a Chinese accent, just because I look Chinese? Do I tell you that you have a “white” accent? And why is English with a Chinese accent assumed bad English? “I’m not being racist, but there are two Chinese women in my team, and I am always amazed how women in your race always work so much harder than your counterparts.”

There are so many things wrong with this statement, but mainly: (i) the two Chinese women you work with are not a representation of ALL Chinese woman; (ii) they do not work hard because they are Chinese; they work hard because they are hard workers who happen to be Chinese, and (iii) why are you telling me this? Am I supposed to provide you with an explanation why Chinese women “work so much harder”? I do not speak for all Chinese women. “You’re being awfully quiet. Speak up!”

I am an introvert, and I was raised to speak up only when I have something extremely value-adding to say. I will speak up when I want to, so please don’t expect me to assimilate to your dominant culture. “You’re pretty, for an Asian.”

You may think you gave a compliment, but it is an insult to the Asian race. Implied in this sentence is your belief that an Asian person, by default, is not pretty. Therefore, you are surprised that you find me pretty.

So next time if you experience what you think is microaggression, take a deep breath, and express calmly to the “perpetrator” how the comment or action made you feel. And if you are told that you’ve offended someone because of an offhand comment or joke you made — don’t get immediately defensively. Nobody is accusing you of being racist, sexist, or full of prejudice. But do own up to the fact that you, like everybody else, are susceptible to unconscious bias that could have delivered a hostile experience to others, even if you didn’t mean it.