Thinking of Becoming a “Sugar Baby,” Ladies? Here’s a Glimpse
By: Cassie M. Thompson
Tags: Sugar Daddy, Sex, Dating, Sugar Baby, Relationships

Thinking of Becoming a “Sugar Baby,” Ladies? Here’s a Glimpse

Let me save you the effort of making a profile.

Photo by Garin Chadwick on Unsplash

After a recent breakup, spurred by the accusation that I was not fun to be around, I was bitter enough to sign up at SeekingArrangement.com as a “premium sugar baby” (the “premium” title came with verifying some aspects of my profile). I suppose I figured that if someone was willing to pay for my company, I’d feel vindicated.

The idea was fairly out of the blue, as this isn’t something which would normally occur to me to do with my time. I just happened to come across an article about this type of transactional relationship and recalled that I’d been interested in checking it out before, if only for a laugh. And the laughs do abound, let me tell you.

A message I received today from a 35-year-old Texas man:

“Hi! Would you be interested in a ‘foot’ arrangement? 👣 Foot worship and tickling, not photos. Fun and easy, get paid to laugh! If you’re interested, please reply with your shoe size and if your feet are ticklish. 😊 ”

Not all of the men seem to be using the site to satisfy their kinks. Although, arguably, being in a position of apparent financial control is a kink in itself.

Many of the “sugar daddy” members are seeking an arrangement that is NSA (no-strings-attached) or FWB (friends-with-benefits). Most list “discretion” and “open relationship” as what they are looking for, and I’d bet the majority are married, though only 20–30% seem to be up front about it. It’s basically Ashley Madison 2.0 but there are real women on the site (because they’re actually getting something out of an arrangement rather than just the title of potentially home-wrecking side chick).

There are several couples who have reached out to me, with messages like:

“So cute bby. Would you want to come hangout with me and my girl right now?”

and

“Hi … I loved reading your profile and I have a bit of an unusual idea that I wanted to suggest. I am wondering if you might be open to something with a man OR a woman? I ask because I am seeing a very cute girl of Asian heritage … and she is vvvvvery curious about being with another girl … would you have ANY interest in discussing this any further? Your profile description is EXACTLY the “type” she finds H-O-T HOT! I know this is entirely outside the boundary from what people may be considering here, but wanted to throw it out … you seemed to fit perfectly the “type” she finds attractive.”

The basic gist of the site can be found in messages that are a bit more straightforward about what you’re trading, which is in most cases of course, sex for money:

“Wow honey you are absolutely stunning 😘😍 how are you doing? I’m looking to find a somewhat regular SB to come see me and hang out about 1–3 times a month. Maybe more if we have fun. I’m pretty careful with who I meet up with so I’d just ask that you know you’re clean and I have done the same. Happy to provide recent test results if you’d like me to. I want to start out simple just spending a few hours together at my house or a hotel, but I’d really like to find someone I can get close with. At some point I’d like to be able to travel together if you’re interested. Let me know and we could text to set something up and maybe send some pictures 😘 ”

or

“Hello pretty lady. Love your look and am looking for a weekly encounter if something like that works for you.”

or

“If you’re the submissive type, I would certainly be interested in discussing your opportunity with me. Tell me a bit about yourself.”

That last one especially made my skin crawl. The whole thing is about what you’d expect, and for some women seems to be what they are looking for, at least temporarily. In my case, it was worth finding out that I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. I couldn’t actually prostitute myself, even if I would get some satisfaction out of knowing that I could.

Some of the messages were nice enough that a number of the men seemed normal, and even responded positively to a line in my profile about seeking something based on respect and equality, “even if our financial situations are different.”

A 55-year-old Los Angeles man said:

“Hi there. I liked the profile; it has a sense of authenticity. I hope your search is going ok. I am looking for a pretty traditional sort of arrangement, and if you have any interest, I hope you will say hello.”

Another 34-year-old Los Angeles man said:

“Any interest in a nice smart boyfriend that has his life together / normal dating?”

A 36-year-old Los Angeles man messaged:

“I saw your profile, and I immediately appreciated how straightforward and authentic it was — so I thought I’d say hello!”

Although I can’t see the profiles of other “sugar babies” many of the messages I’ve received imply that there are a lot of “fakes and time-wasters,” as I’ve seen them described by men. Interestingly, a couple of profiles I’ve seen from men included lines like, “If you’re looking for something platonic, you’re a bit too naive for me LOL.” A ton of profiles offer “mentorship” though, which you might not think necessitates a sexual relationship, but clearly the definition on an arrangement site implies physical reciprocation.

Almost immediately after I made the profile two weeks ago, I signed up for Bumble as well. Just a day on SeekingArrangement.com was enough to make up my mind that I have no actual interest in being a sugar baby. I did end up finding someone attractive and kind on Bumble, and we’ve been splitting the bills like people in normal, respectful relationships do. I don’t know how much money he has in the bank, and I don’t care. My point has been proven after several dates that I am, indeed, good company. Thankfully, he is too.