Recovery During the Holidays
By: Jo Colette
Tags: Sobriety, Recovery, Mental Health, Addiction, Addiction Recovery

The holidays can be a tumultuous time in anybody’s life, but for those in recovery it can be especially trying. It is a time of year where everything is done in excess. Money is spent loosely, food is overindulged in, alcohol usually plays a large part in the celebrations, stress levels run high and the structure of most peoples everyday life is disrupted for what is supposed to be a celebratory occasion.

In order to make it through the holidays, sober and happy, I realized would have to take some steps to prepare myself be able to not only enjoy myself, but be present, and spend real quality time with my loved ones. Handling my mental health and staying in a recovery focused and grateful mindset became a much more daunting task when I was not paying attention to my basic needs, and allowing stress and anxiety to creep its way into my life. So, knowing that I would be in some potentially triggering situations, I made a point to not ignore the simple things. I tried to eat well, sleep well, not to be preoccupied about finding the right gifts or getting swept up in the materialistic pressure of the holidays. I set very clear boundaries for myself. I practiced saying “no” not only to substances, but to situations or gatherings I knew wouldn’t be healthy for me. I made active choices to spend time with people who I felt safe with. Instead of attending parties or going out with acquaintances or friends who would be less sensitive to my situation I picked “safe” environments where I knew I won’t feel pressure to drink or do drugs.

Family dynamics can be tricky to navigate for anyone, but especially for the recovering addict and alcoholic. Having family together for the holidays can sometimes mean having old wounds get opened or for feelings of resentment or unresolved trauma to come up. For myself, the root cause of my addiction came from an emotional need a that was unmet in my childhood. Although my family was loving and well intentioned, the effects of my parents individual traumas and mental health issues trickled down to effect me and my siblings each in different ways. Since my relationship with my parents and siblings had fluctuated and changed so much over the years, and was at times, completely non-existent, it was a foreign and uncomfortable feeling for me to reintegrate myself into my family holidays, but I was driven by a want to start cultivating a new healthy relationship with my family.

I found it helpful to talk more about my recovery around people I could trust and eventually I​ found myself feeling less pressure or temptation when I was offered a drink, and was actually happy and eager to explain the reason behind turning it down. Being around intoxicated friends no longer wore on me the way it may have before. When I talked openly about my recovery I was able to better manage the intense emotions that come along to reintegrating myself into a life of sobriety, and more equipped to answer questions that came my way.

For some, if your family dynamic does NOT support your recovery, and if going home for the holidays will put you in a situation that risks your sobriety, it is okay to decline an invite. You can also offer an alternative to attending a large family function such as meeting for a meal or coffee to spend some quality time. Bringing along a close friend or someone from your recovery circle to keep you accountable and grounded at a family gathering can also be an option to consider. Don’t deny your own feelings to present a certain way for family functions. Be true to yourself and comfortable with your personal path to recovery!

Now, a couple weeks away from spending my 8th Christmas clean and sober, I am eagerly looking forward to spending time with my loved ones. Talking, connecting, and spending time in the present moment with them. My son is almost 7, and sharing that time with him, my partner and my family, clean and sober is a true blessing! I can watch my son open presents and share his innocent excitement around the magic of the holidays. I can appreciate the work my mom puts in to putting together a meal for us, and I am grateful that my spot at the table is not empty, and that she will spend her Christmas with me there instead of wondering if I am hurt, in trouble, or even alive. Its an exciting feeling to know that the holidays are coming up and I will be spending them clean, sober, present, and happy to be there.