The Phone Call That Led Me Out of San Francisco
By: Ritika P
Tags: San Francisco, Death, Roommates, Grief, Transitions

Why I Won’t Be Going Back

Living in some places brings you as much joy as it does leave you drained and jaded. San Francisco was such a place for me. In today’s entry, I wanted to talk about one of my defining moments of last year. Here, I share the excerpts from my journal entries in March-May 2019.

My roommate at the time, let’s call her Shayla, gave me a call. We only used to the text so I found it very odd… I was picking up my glasses from the repair shop on Nob Hill, my neighborhood in San Francisco. My phone almost dropped from my hands and I started shaking.

“Today, I received one of the toughest phone calls of my life. My roommate, Shayla, who gave me this journal, was in tears. “Ritika…my mom….died.” WHAT!? I am going through a fair amount of emotion. Do I need to pack her bags? Will she be here after 1 week? What’s going to happen with our lease. I had just lost a job due to a mass lay-off and I am focused on my next move. Poor Shayla! I will call her tomorrow and do my best to comfort her. I’ve lived with her for many months, and have seen Shayla talk to her mom over FaceTime every evening. Life is so damn short. So, hurl yourself into the fire. Run face-first towards your biggest fear. Take the big, audacious action in the direction of your dreams & do not let the fact that you’re wetting your pants stop you. This is the feeling you’re going for when you make a huge leap in your life. Equal parts excitement & terror. Stay your course to freak your subconscious so massively, that it will rise up, guns blazing.”

My roommate did make it back to San Francisco, prior to that, she wrote an email with instructions. I was so thankful for her email, it helped me prepare for 3 months of living with a heavily grief-stricken individual. I had lost my friend.

“ Thank you for respecting my family and my wishes for privacy during this time. It was really appreciated. I will be returning to San Francisco Sunday night or Monday. At this moment, I am planning on staying with my aunt and uncle for at least a few days, but I will stop by for clothes for work. I still have my keys. I plan on working this week as well. My dad is back at work and my sister is enjoying her routine that hasn’t changed. We have lots of incredible support in Santa Barbara that will stay on with my dad and my sister. In terms of me and when I return to the apartment, I’m probably going to need a lot of time on my own, so please don’t knock on my door. I will come to you if I need social interaction. Please don’t ask further questions about my mom. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it further. I am seeing a therapist and will talk about my mom there. Thank you.”

For my readers: It wasn’t easy for me to dredge up this painful memory, especially since I have lost touch with Shayla. I hope she knows that I care immensely for her, and pray for her peace and contentment. If it’s feasible for you, please donate to The Red Piano Marcie Musical Scholarship

The Red Piano was one of Shayla’s moms’ favorite places, she went there about once a week, every Thursday. This scholarship will go towards supporting student musicians.