The C-word
By: Ilze Oosthuizen
Tags: Lifehacks, Life Journey, C Word, Death, Purpose

I have been thinking about death lately. Not wanting to die. Just the fact that I will one day die.

And who I wanna be when I die.

It came part and parcel with this obsessive search for purpose. The WHY we live question. It confronted me with a related question — what will really matter when I die?

You can dwell too long on these thoughts and then realize it can very quickly turn morbid and make you just want to do nothing from that point on — or just hit that delete button on the million photos you need to sort ……since none of it will really matter anyway when you’re gone.

So I decided that I want to plan my “day of death”.

Everybody has a choice about the day they die.

Not the date.

Not the way you will die.

Not the time nor the place.

But the WHO you want to be on the day you die.

We all want a happy ending, right ? But what will this happy ending be for me? Would I want…..

Lots of Money? No.

Lots of Legacy? Perhaps.

Lots of Love? For sure.

Fights? No. Hate? No. Regrets? No. Conflict? No. Critical? No.

Be remembered as the Judgemental One? Heck No.

It helped to decide what I didn’t want to be when I die. But I was doing so many little things that would exactly lead me to where I did not want to be in the end.

I was so busy living that I forgot who I wanted to be and become.

Photo by Nikita Kachanovsky on Unsplash

So I decided to start with the END in mind and make it back to where I am right now. I came up with a list of the things/ traits I want to have. For me, it seems to be the C-word.

No. Not that one. All the good ones you can think of.

C- ompassionate.

C-aring

C-haracter ( a person with “soul” or somebody who is remembered after they leave a room)

C-haracter-building -helping others to be that person

C-alm

C-reative

C-aretaker

C-onsiderate

C-arefree — this would be a big plus… but a big challenge especially if you reach a high age

C-ool would be nice

C-lassy — I hope.

C-ollective

C-onnected

C-ertain — of myself, my values, my beliefs

C-onscientious

C-onsistent

C-lose to my loved ones….. a real challenge in today’s world

C-omfortable

A good C-ompanion

C-ompass for my kids and grandkids

C-urated — with life experiences

C-urious — about life, things, people.

C-areful — health, words, impact.

It didn’t help for me to figure out who I want to be and think that tomorrow I will just be that person. Because there is a reality of who I am today. And from today to my dying day, I have room and time to improve and become the person I choose today to become. But it will require a lot of work.

Since I have decided the WHO I wanna be when I die, I have thougth a lot more about my actions before I take them. I must have stopped myself from 20 Facebook comments or shares, simply because it took away my “Calm”. I pushed myself to connect more with people, when I have to consider whether or not I will go out or stay home. I try now to take every step in the direction of where I want to be eventually. And surprisingly it has made me stop in my tracks several times to re-direct my next move.

Why would it matter who you are when you die? Because this is how you will be remembered. Money won’t matter. Things won’t matter. Knowing that who you are, who you touched, what impression you made, who you impacted or inspire, how my kids will think of me….. those things will matter. And I want to every day rub out the steps in the sand that I took that day that did not bring me closer to who I want to be when I die. And then put my foot in the right direction to connect where I am today, to where I want to be tomorrow — it might be my dying day. But I will be closer to who I wanted to be than I was today.

For every person the WHO you want to be will be different — I want you to think — which letter is the one you hope to be on your day of death.

And how will this impact you very next , and every after, decision.