Business in the Front, Party in the Back
By: Elizabeth Mayer
Tags: Women In Business, Personal Development, Working Moms, Communication Skills, Workplace

As an extrovert who doesn’t shy away from expressing myself, I have often heard on more than one occasion that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am too enthusiastic, too reactive, too caring, too expressive. I am just too much. It sucks to hear because I am such a big proponent of bringing your “whole self” to work. Why the hell do they want less of me in this situation? I don’t want to repress feelings because they are like gas! I will surely combust- aren’t feelings better out than in? Aren’t we supposed to be vulnerable? What the F? So I am frigid if I don’t talk and a drama queen if I do?! How do I win?

Deep inhale…now exhale… cleansing breath.

One of the amazing things about being a woman is that we’re intuitive, often in touch with our emotions and the emotions of others and we’re usually more comfortable dealing with them. That is a female kick-ass super power that enables us to build trust and credibility. However, our emotional range can be just TMI when we are dealing with cultures and people who are more logical, male and well, corporate. So what do we do? Hold in our feelings and than eat them or drink them? Hell no, lady! We embrace them, but use them productively and here is my favorite tip to do that: think of a mullet. Yes a mullet.

Here’s why…

A mullet is all business in the front and party in the back. I know because I had one.

A mullet shows your face (aka the point you’re trying to make) clearly.

A mullet keeps the crimped or permed hair (aka your emotions) behind you- you’re holding your cards close to the vest, maybe in a scrunchy, so no one really knows that lurking behind that deceivingly chic bowl cut, is a mass of tangled shit! And that’s okay.

When we are dealing with a situation that frustrates us or actually excites us (because sometimes joy can be overwhelming to the stiff cultures we work with), use the mullet framework to leverage your power.

Party in the Back

Start with being extra, hyper-aware with what pisses you off and know why. When situations frustrate you that you don’t even know where to start, start by writing everything down or venting to a trusted friend (ideally who is outside of the situation). Ask why 1,000 times. Think of this as the party in the back. Use cuss words, get mad, stand on your soap box- own that emotional party, because we are about to tuck that shit away so that no one knows we even have a perm back there. This is the part where you soak in it — this is when you say “I feel” “I think” etc. etc… throw an adult tantrum if you must, or sulk around if you’re more that type. Just feel it and move on- oppressing anything is counter-productive, that shit will show up in other ways.

Business in the Front

When you’re done dealing with that stuff (because we cannot hold in gas or we will get really uncomfortable), it’s time to work on presenting professionally. Dig into all the shit you just put on the table, and find your point in an objective way. What is the one thing that needs to make the situation better? Why? What evidence do you have that supports this? You’ve already dealt with the emotions, now get clear on what action or resolution, or problem needs to be highlighted in a way that is clear and a kindergartner could understand.

When it is time to confront the issue, start with your conclusion head-on. This is the opposite we are taught in school, when we build to the thesis. You’re not writing a paper, you’re convincing someone with the attention span of a gold fish. Save you’re rationale and examples for when you get further questions. Make your point, objectively, and then prepare for a response, for which you can use your evidence to make.

Who knew a mullet could be so useful?! We think of it as a trend, but it’s actually a classic! You are owning your emotions and letting shit breathe. You are also channeling your frustration into a powerful point. Sometimes you will win, sometimes you will lose, but dealing with your emotions, presenting your voice and hopefully influencing change is how we lead from where we are. So next time you’re tempted to wear your heart on your sleeve, opt for wearing a mullet instead.