Why I’m quitting my Sugar Daddy
Tags: Sex Work, Women, Money, Students, Sugar

In the last few months, it came to my realisation that I had accidentally became a sugar baby. I can hear you laugh to yourself and wonder how anyone does such a thing accidentally? Honestly, I’m still a little confused myself. However, the reasons why I found myself in this situation are not as interesting as the ways it challenged my pre-conceived notions of what this work meant. And yes, being a sugar baby is work. It is sex work and sex work is valid, hard work.

Let’s just outline that I did not go searching for such an arrangement. I became casually involved in a man in his 40s through close proximity in a working environment. We got on well. He wasn’t creepy, he didn’t make unwelcome sexual comments, but the conversation certainly had a small amount of playful flirtation which I reciprocated. I’m not physically attracted to this guy, but I saw no harm in the conversation. Over a few weeks, it was clear that he was forming an attachment to me. He would regularly give me little funny gifts from things we’d discussed, he picked me up coffee when I was tired or gave me a bottle of his favourite wine to try. He always wanted to know more about me and always wanted to find small ways to make me happy. He never made more than small jokes about anything sexual.

So, I see no harm in him having my number. Going for a drink or twice. Eventually, it was long dinners. Then it was eccentric surprises such a private boat trip at sunset. The small, funny gifts turned into expensive jewellery and luxury clothing. He begun offering me money for my beauty treatments, or drinks with friends, then for rent. He then offered me 1500 weekly to not work. I had never asked for anything, but I had been showered in money from a man who requested only my company in return. For many struggling students, this sounds like an ideal situation. Shut up and take the money I hear you scream. That’s certainly what I always imagined I’d do in this situation. The reality can be a curious thing.

Of course, I care for this man. I am not a psychopath. I cannot spend time with him consistently and not form at least a friendship. With every gift I get, I feel a sense of guilt. I often tell him I do not deserve such lavish gifts and that his actions are too much. It doesn’t deter him. I also wonder how on earth to explain to housemates, to friends, to family, where this influx of cash is coming from. How did you afford those new trainers? Where did this Tiffany necklace come from? Why am I constantly spending way beyond the means of a student? The side of being a sugar baby I couldn’t prepare myself for was this constant feeling of living a double life, of being a liar.

This constant feeling of dread and fear from being exposed as a sex worker can be lonely. It can be hard to know whom to trust with this information, who won’t judge you. You see yourself pushing friends away because you can’t truthfully explain how your week is going. It’s stopped me from pursing meaningful relationships with people I fall for — because I constantly feel like a cheater. In some ways, it’s made me lazy towards my goals and ambitions. Why am I working so hard when I can have an easy, luxurious life handed to me? That’s a version of myself I hate. Truthfully, with every date, every gift, I see the costs of this lifestyle outweighing the many, many benefits. I have a lot more respect for the people who genuinely pursue this. However, I will no longer be one of them.