I was a Teenage Were Panda: Chapter 3
By: Doug Ecks
Tags: Urban Fantasy, Shapeshifters, Paranormal Romance, Fiction, Science Fiction

Teenage were panda image by Doug Ecks

“So what’s his deal?” Magnus asked Aiko who was sipping her beer and frankly wincing at the taste. A desire to be allowed adult beverages didn’t necessarily translate as a taste for them.

“Oh, he wants to be in charge of the city. Thinks he’s ‘the biggest and the strongest’ that kind of thing.

“Well he might be, decked the ogre with one punch” Magnus said with a bit of awe.

“Yeah, claims he’s the son of a titan. Might actually be for all I know. He wanted to challenge the Rakshasa who ran the city. Never did though.”

“Why not? Afraid he wouldn’t win?”

“That one? He’s not smart enough to be afraid. Just whenever he got stirred up enough Singh, that was his name, would find a distraction for him, you know a little war, or a new girl, or a monster truck rally. I think by the fourth or fifth time he didn’t really even want to take charge anymore, he was just making noises to get a new toy.”

“And now?”

“Well the new guy took charge, which has to upset his pride, since he figured he had dibs. And of course the parade of new toys has stopped.”

“Interesting. You think it’s a challenge or that the new president just doesn’t have even a rudimentary sense of diplomacy.”

“I don’t even think he knows shit about the supernatural community here and cares even less. All he wants is the tithes of money and a bunch of people to genuflect when he comes in the room. Our old leader wouldn’t have let that ogre terrorize my family.”

“He didn’t allow extortion?”

“Of course he did. How’s a city to function without a little grifting and graft. He just would have made sure it was kept at a sustainable level. This turd for brains only cares about his percentage and doesn’t give a shit how short term the operation is.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right” Magnus agreed.

“So what’s your power? Am I saying that right? I don’t know, should I say what species are you?”

“Wow that’s racist” Aiko said.

“Well I’m trying not to be. I said I don’t know how to say it.”

“I’m just giving you shit, white boy. I’m a were panda.”

Magnus spit out his beer. “That’s a thing?”

“Y’up. I can turn into a panda at will. And of course when it’s a full moon. Then whether I want to or not, I grow the black and white fur and claws and start fiending for bamboo shoots.”

Phil had recovered from being thrown and wandered back to the table, getting a drink that looked like a ‘Bloody Mary’ from the bartender.

He looked down at 6 foot six inches of sprawled good ol’ boy. “He’s going to wake up soon and wake up pissed.”

“Probably” Magnus conceded. “But Aiko can just sit on him til he sees reason.”

“Hell no, he’d just pick me up and toss me, even as a panda.”

“Anyway Aiko was just telling me about the ambitions past and present of Zeus here.”

Phil had discussed the matter with both Aiko and her parents before taking on the ogre on their behalf so immediately caught the conversational drift.

“So what do you think would happen if the Trumpster started supplying him with distractions and toys again?”

“I think we’d be fighting a two front war” Aiko said.

Magnus and Phil shared a look. That’s the way they read it as well.

“Great, an extremely powerful, volatile and unreliable ally. Just the change of pace I needed” he said rolling his eyes skyward to show his sarcastic appreciation for whatever gods had seen fit to manage his fate.

“Been down this road before?” Aiko asked.

“Far too many times. Though in my experience they usually came in the unbelievably hot variety.”

“Speak for yourself, I think he’s pretty hot.”

“You’ve just spent the last five minutes explaining why he’s an untrustworthy egomaniac.”

“And that’s incompatible with being hot how?” she asked.

“It’s not” Magnus conceded. “In fact it’s practically de rigeur.”

“You talk pretty” the asian teen said batting her eyes at him.

“You’re way too young and besides, I now know you like the bad boy type” he said with a jerk of his head at the slowly recovering giant who had made it to his knees and then levered himself to his feet.

“Bad boys come in all types” she said with a glance at his missing hand. “That’s pretty strong evidence you were a jerk to at least one girl.” She smiled brilliantly and gave him the eyelashes again.