fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
Thoughts on Donald Trump
By: Nia On Air
Tags: Socialism, Equality, Donald Trump, Election 2020, Politics

These responses are annoying at this point; all this about ‘views.’ This election was straightforward. A human who believes in simple fundamental human rights and taking care of our climate is too much for “your views” is pathetic. Sure, have an opinion. An opinion that speaks volumes towards your character and morals as a human being. As you stated, “you may not fully agree with him, but you are against socialism?” Tell me, what does socialism mean? Let me guess you are one of those, “I am running to Canada if Joe Biden is President people?” Socialism- “Socialism is an economic and political system. It is an economic theory of social organization. It believes that the means of making, moving, and trading wealth should be owned or controlled by the workers.” Yet, you currently live in a The U.S. is a mixed economy, exhibiting characteristics of both capitalism and socialism. However, the person you claim you do not fully agree with wants to turn our diverse capitalist and socialist country into a dictatorship, yet you support that. You support a man who is a pedophile. Fact check that a 13-year-old girl accused Donald Trump and Jeffery Epstein of raping here.

The case was dropped twice conveniently. The other party committed ‘suicide.’ Donald Trump referred to Mexicans as a rapist and was coming into the suburbs to rape women. A very racist statement, I might add. He also referred to the Trump Virus as a hoax, then told you it would disappear, then told you to inject bleach or UV lights (as a joke, but some people tried it and died). The most insulting referring to COVID as a racial slur. He said he could kill someone on fifth ave in the middle of the day, and nothing would happen to him. He has 22 open sexual abuse cases waiting for him after he is no longer the President. Yet, you support a rapist, bigot with concentration camps that he rips children away from their families. He wants to take your health insurance solely because Obama was the mastermind behind it. Oh, not to mention COVID is a pre-existing condition. I am also sure that you did not know that you can afford free services that you would otherwise pay for before Obamacare under Obamacare. However, the man you “don’t fully agree with” wants to take that away from the American people and not replace it with anything else. If you vote for someone like this, then congratulations, you played yourself and the rest of the country. Luckily, most of us saved your ass from things you are not even educated on; you are welcome. Unfortunately, for you, sir, you are an American idiot. You can be scammed into believing what anyone tells you. Before you vote again in 2022, please do yourself a favor and educate yourself on reliable sources other than Facebook, TikTok, and Twitter. Lastly, you were willing to give up our freedom and democracy, which affects you as well, and for what? DONALD TRUMP’s lies. Grow up. Let’s end this with F*ck Donald Trump!
Labour Lost It’s Perception of Reality
By: Ozan Şahin
Tags: Class, Socialism, Neoliberalism, Jeremy Corbyn, Labour Party

“Britain lost its perception of reality. Britain’s perception of reality was deliberately destroyed. Today we are faced with the tradition of populist politics that has influenced the whole world, which manifests itself in both Conservative Party and opposition’s status quo factions’s in Britain.Because of this situation, rational solutions‘s field of action is to become almost helpless and defenseless.”

As humanity, it has been 30 years since 1991.The process started with a number of military coups which had occured in countries such as Chile or Turkey.Then the oncoming was institutionalized with Thatcher in England and Reagan in America. Moreover,during their power the famous political debate “Are We At The End of History / Ideologies?” started and this debate gave the theoretical framework that was builded by thinkers like Fukuyama.

Today we are faced with an apolitical trend as a result of the “Neoliberal” world idea, which has operated in a very insidious way through the processes I have mentioned and because of this process, the human model who can think of the end of the world but cannot think of the end of capitalism is at the top of our society today.

A wide left culture, ranging from Orthodox Communism to Social Democracy, was singularized, suppressed, oppressed and excluded.The concept of class and working class culture were excluded from the story of society as separatism.“This is the best thought we have,” imposed by thinkers like Thatcher and Reagan which was created masses who are afraid to seek more or better.

The reason why the status quo is afraid of leaders like Corbyn in England and Sanders in America today,lies in this analysis.

They don’t just want to come to power and create a model of Blair replica of the government. They are recreating the class culture that was forgotten after a very long counter-revolution and which is the “driving force” in the story of societies.

We have to recall the masses apolitized by neoliberalism to the class struggle.Neoliberalism can be overthrown.It is only necessary to reclaim our parties that are representatives of forgotten cultures from the hands of leaders like Biden or Starmer.

Hail to the British Working Class and socialists!
Republican’s Spew Harmful Rhetoric
By: Dr. Barbara Chiarello
Tags: Truman, Socialism, Republicans, Rhetoric

Republican’s Spew Harmful Rhetoric

While President Trump and his Senate enablers have made the wealthy even wealthier, the Democratic House continues to pass bills meant to meet the basic needs of everyday citizens, especially during the pandemic.

The Republicans’ response? Make the term socialism radioactive and call anyone who supports universal health care and fair wages a socialist.

Should Americans die because their employers do not provide health insurance? Shouldn’t all workers earn a living wage?

Democrats are capitalists. Democrats do not want to nationalize industries. Stopping the rich from exploiting the poor is not equivalent to robbing the top 1%.

As President Harry Truman said in 1952, “Socialism is their [the Republicans’] name for almost everything that helps all of the people.”

Republicans spew umbrella terms that they then redefine to suit their own needs. Americans must see through such hateful, harmful rhetoric.
Loaded words
By: Christine Mcdougall
Tags: Syntropic Enterprise, Socialism, Syntropic World, Civilization, Capitalism

Like socialism. Communism. Capitalism. Fundamentalism. Authoritarianism.

We debate them, consider them with a mix of terror, ignorance, curiosity. We are repelled. Our sense making shuts down when someone mentions one or many of them.

They are packed with history written true or not.

A significant part of the world wants one or the other to be the way.

Is there a future that learns from these words, from their occupation in segments of civilisation? (Or uncivilization?)

Perhaps rather than any of these words we might create anew…not this, not that, not any of them. Instead that which transcends them all and seeks to create a world that supports the increased wellbeing of Earth and all her creatures.

We at Syntropic World are focused on this work…the next…the new models, new maps, new words, new ways. (That may actually be very very old, or carry threads of the wisdom of the ancients.)

Photo taken December 2nd 2020

#worldwithafuture #businessreimagined #syntropicworld #syntropicenterprise
Predatory capitalism is not a category reached by consensus, it’s a visceral characterization made…
By: David Sf
Tags: Capitalism, Late Stage Capitalism, Socialism

Predatory capitalism is not a category reached by consensus, it’s a visceral characterization made by you
Precisamos trabalhar?
By: Paulo Matheus
Tags: Cristianismo, Socialism

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A Future Abandoned
By: Matthew Barad
Tags: Liberalism, Socialism, Obama, Politics, Economics

In those days, I thought I was the future of the Democratic party.

I was a wealthy white boy in a good school district who lived and breathed politics. My father had been the president of his college’s young Democrats; my mother caucused for Gary Hart. When I was in elementary school, I petitioned my school board, wrote letters to my principal, and changed a number of policies. In high school I joined the Colorado Youth Advisory Council and managed to reform testing state-wide.

By the time I heard the drone protester’s lament, I had two firm beliefs. First: that socialism was the only solution to the evangelical fascism I saw in my hometown. And second: that the Democratic party was the righteous bearer of that solution. Obama might not call himself a socialist, but he claimed to share my goals of genuine equity and justice — and, for a while, I believed him.

The candidacy of Bernie Sanders was the first, biggest step in shaking that belief. After only a few months of the primary I became painfully aware of the DNC’s active role in sabotaging progress. Hillary’s record on gay marriage, war, trade, and climate stood in direct opposition to everything I believed. Worse still, many of the Democrats I had grown up respecting ignored her faults and greedily lashed themselves to her campaign of dispassionate cruelty.

In 2010, Senator Michael Bennet was running for re-election. I wrote him a letter asking him to continue fighting for education. I met him at a campaign event in my hometown and posed for a picture. Six years later I booed him at Colorado’s State Democratic convention where I also caucused for Bernie.

It is impossible to understate how profoundly heart wrenching it was to realize, just as I voted in my very first election, that the people I had been raised to see as allies were unwilling to fight for my future. In a decade I had gone from learning about climate change in school to realizing nothing was being done to stop it. I went from studying the Arab Spring as a story of hope to understanding it as a failure of empire. I went from admiring the Democratic party to despising it.

I went from being a liberal to being a socialist.
I did read it.
By: Richard Dicristino
Tags: Conservatives, Socialism

I did read it. You’re not quoting him. At best you quote people who interpret him or shorten what he said and you’re passing them off as quotes. Which is highly suspect. Also your personal experience doesn’t make an objective fact that would be representative in any actual rational debate or argument. I read Gotha and that could be construed as the gist of what he said, you would still need to quote within the appropriate context. Like “ — Prof. X on Karl Marx’s Critique on Gotha”. If you look up the manuscript btw, it wasn’t complete and it was posted after his death by people who thought it should be out there. Also, socialism is a term that existed long before Marx, he just appropriated it as such.

Also, I provided plenty of actual facts and issues which you completely ignored, since under our current constraints they cannot be properly addressed and nor does it seem that you would care to. You seem to like things just as they are. You’d prefer that we spend far more of our income on things like healthcare and schooling than any other first world country on this planet, rather than actually help some people, because you simply don’t care. It doesn’t benefit you. Granted it most likely wouldn’t hurt you either, but that’s immaterial. You’d Prefer to protect the rich than help the poor because it seems like you think that is the natural order of things and you’ve benefitted in some marginal way from the system. Granted from what I can tell from the years that you quoted seeing these things that you most likely did benefit, especially looking at the fact that if you did go to college in the 70’s or 80’s. At that time you could still have some things like go to college, buy a house, raise a family, and more with far less debt and more disposable income when you adjust for inflation. So you benefited and that makes it alright. At this point you’re Republican-lite to me. Please stop spamming me with unsubstantiated crap please. Everything I put out was verifiably easy to find with reputable sources. You on the other hand have conflated personal experiences (generally involving authoritarian movements), misquotes and emotional diatribes with facts.
Funding Refineries That Don’t Refine To Import Fuel From Niger Republic
By: Afolabi Great
Tags: Socialism, Niger Delta, Petroleum, Oil And Gas Industry, Nigeria

The Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation(NNPC) recently published how ₦81.4 billion had been spent on refineries in 2020 despite the fact that they hadn’t refined a drop of oil. This came shortly after the Minister of State for Petroleum, Timipre Sylva had announced that Nigeria would now be importing fuel from Niger Republic. He thereafter, charged Nigerians to be proud that they were supporting their neighbours.

During a later interview, he would go on to defend the profligate budgetary allocation to the non-functional refineries, saying it was being used to 'pay' the workers at the refineries. He further buttressed his seemingly sympathetic but rather infirm claim that the federal government was being understanding and that judging by the current socioeconomic background of the nation, it doesn’t want to send the refiners back into unemployment; and in the spirit of good governance, is committed to restoring the refineries back to full working capacity.

He admitted the workers weren’t doing anything tangible and that the refineries weren’t refining, but money should still be pumped into them so as to maintain the normalcy of incapacity, incompetence and irrelevance.
As consequências do livre mercado
By: Douglas Miguel Da Silva
Tags: Liberalismo, Socialism, Economics, Capitalismo, Capitalism

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On Left-Wing Nationalism and Proletarian Internationalism
By: Yung Black Maoist
Tags: Internationalism, Social Nationalism, Socialism, Maoism, Communism

On Left-Wing Nationalism and Proletarian Internationalism

Proletarian internationalist image featuring Filipino, Pan Afrikan, Palestinian, Amazigh, Puerto Rican, Australian Aboriginal, Mohawk Warrior Nation, Wiphala and Communist (Maoist) flags.

“How can one be a left-wing nationalist and a communist if the communist movement is international?”

In Stalin’s “Marxism and the National Question”, a nation is defined as such:

“…a historically constituted, stable community of people, formed on the basis of a common language, territory, economic life, and psychological make-up manifested in a common culture.”

Oppressed people within imperialist metropoles constitute a nation, and all nations have the right to self-determination. Such movements that fight for their right to self-determination are mainly left-wing nationalist movements. Self-determination is defined by Stalin as follows, also from “Marxism and the National Question”:

“The right of self-determination means that only the nation itself has the right to determine its destiny, that no one has the right forcibly to interfere in the life of the nation, to destroy its schools and other institutions, to violate its habits and customs, to repress its language, or curtail its rights.”

Does it sound like it contradicts with proletarian internationalism? It doesn’t, in fact. Mao tse-Tung spoke of being both a “patriot” (left-wing nationalist in this sense) and an internationalist. This quote sums it up perfectly:

“In the fight for complete liberation the oppressed people rely first of all on their own struggle and then, and only then, on international assistance. The people who have triumphed in their own revolution should help those still struggling for liberation. This is our internationalist duty.”

Left-wing nationalism doesn’t interfere with proletarian internationalism at all. All Mao is saying in the above quote is that oppressed people should focus on their own struggles primarily, and then once they are liberated, lend assistance to other oppressed people fighting for liberation. That’s not to say neglect other oppressed people while you’re also fighting; if you can help you should. This is in stark contrast to right-wing/reactionary nationalism which is racist, xenophobic, etc. Left-wing nationalism and proletarian internationalism go hand-in-hand more than you might think.
He never said that.
By: Richard Dicristino
Tags: Communism, Conservatives, Socialism

He never said that. People who espouse his views tend to construe that from what he did say and they in turn say that. Here’s some help for you to try and understand, rather than incoherently ranting about things you don’t seem to truly understand or even want to understand.

At this point, I believe that you’re probably set in your ways and that you yourself is the actual grifter attempting to keep the facade up for his readership because you choose not to engage in actual information, but instead engage seemingly reactionary, emotional charged, and unsubstantiated diatribes. It is actually pretty similar to what a lot of republicans tend to do. I’ll just let this go now, if only to reduce conservative propaganda talking points in my notifications.
Soren Kierkegaard was a great Dane.
By: David Raffin
Tags: Philosophy, Humour, Poetry, History, Humor

Soren Kierkegaard was a great Dane. Once one knows this, philosophy can never be quite the same. It is true platonic philosophy never runs against the grain. However, wherever Heidegger lifted his leg he always left a nasty stain.

Friedrich Nietzsche cocked his head, as many mammals do, smiled and said, “That’s quite a refrain, I have written many good books too.” Jean Paul Sartre wandered out to ponder upon the city zoo. He was also interested, very, in what was what and whether or not it any of it was true.

“Who’s to say?” cried Ludwig Wittgenstein, “And-further who can know? The experience which each one gets when each does stub thine own toe?”

My experience with old Lao-Tze has more meaning than you could ever know. I sometimes cite his poetry whilst pissing in the snow.
I Quit Sugar for 8 Weeks to See What Would Happen
By: Pia Barna
Tags: Reading, Sugar, Health, Books, Humour

Earlier this year I stumbled across a podcast episode in which Sarah Wilson, an Australian journalist, television presenter and author, talked about her cookbook I Quit Sugar. It is designed to take the readers on an 8-week sugar detox programme accompanied with suitable recipes for each stage.

I’ve been debating the How bad is sugar really? question for a long time (no, that’s not true — for a very long time). On some days I’m convinced it is horribly bad and on other days I think ‘oh well, if it makes you feel better after a hard day, then why not’.

So, I never really made it out of this cycle and went back and forth between these two — leaving me none the wiser. And most of all giving me a good excuse to never try a detox in the first place (smart, I know)!

And because I’m sceptical when people tell me that sugar might be harmful to my teeth and body (But it tastes so good!?!), naturally, I needed an ulterior motive. In my case, it was that I had been experiencing quite severe skin problems for almost three years (better to take action late than never, right?).

I found out that it was a skin condition called dermatographia causing incredibly itchy skin and severe swelling when I would dare to scratch any part of my body. Each of the books and articles I read confirmed that healing dermatographia is not straightforward and would most likely include testing a variety of approaches and combinations of things to see what works for my body.

Quitting sugar was one of the suggested strategies and it was what I needed to finally test what the outcome would be.
Alexa, I am your Father.
By: Yudhishthir Agrawal
Tags: Dads, Writing, Humour, Technology, Alexa

Papa didn’t wait for answers. He went to work. Waking up bright and early the next day with the Robo Remote 5.0 in hand and Achinto (our friendly neighbourhood electrician) as backup. They were to use the Sunday to synchronise the three systems involved and break new ground. Mom was naturally a bit skeptical about this entire endeavour (as was Achinto, he’s an old school man) and the tough negotiation eventually settled on one room in the house — the living room (since it had maximum lights and scope for creativity. The bedroom was strictly out of bounds).

Having worked through the day, by evening Dad had a crafty smile on his face. The kind of smile seen after a genuine adrenaline rush. He invited Mom and the rest of us to the living room for a live demo.

Sitting at one end in his favourite chair and pyjamas, Dad casually began the performance, as if a magician in his opening act.

Alexa, Dad said affectionately, switch on the North light. Boom, a light above my head switched on. Dad didn’t respond. Alexa, he said, please switch on the South light. Boom, another light went on above his head on cue. His eyes twinkled. Alexa, Let there be light! He bellowed, as if Moses himself was parting the Red sea. All the lights and bulbs came on in a flash of pretty impressive technical ingenuity. Oh and one more thing, Dad said snickering away. Alexa, let’s see Party Mode.

The lights suddenly went off. Then they came on, one by one, triggered by time delays for extra effect. The bulb, then the tube light, then the corner lamp, then the table lamp and finally, with a Shakespearen beat, the AC started humming. Dad leaned back, waiting to take it all in.

This performance soon became a routine affair for new family members over dinner, with Dad, like a professional stand-up comedian, throwing in new bits every time. I noticed that the bulbs of the corner lamp now had 5 different colours synced to the time of day, the garden lights now came on and off on their own, and the Diwali lights went into series and parallel mode based on Dad’s mood and the pollution levels.

Things seemed to be going rather well, and the smart home was finally alive and kicking. Other than the occasional confrontation between my Mom and Alexa (she didn’t really like my Mom’s accent), which would be fine in most situations, just that this debate was about putting on the fan after the morning pocha had been done, which you would know is a non negotiable item in the domestic scheme of things.

Still, this could all be managed well enough, but then the damn Chinese attacked.
My Most Embarrassing Moment as a Waitress
By: Kimberley Payne
Tags: Embarrassing Moments, Waitress, First Job, Humour, True Story

When I was fifteen years old, I got my first job working as a waitress in a local donut shop. It was my first “real” job and I wanted to make a good impression. I ironed my new dress with an apron and even put on nylons for the big day.

Standing behind the counter, I served coffee and donuts to the patrons walking in the store and waited on the regulars sitting at the coffee bar. My day was going very well and I had even managed a few dollars in tips.

Near the end of my shift, one man entered the shop in a hurry, rushed to the counter, and gave his order.

“I’d like a black coffee with that muffin” he stated, pointing to a big blueberry muffin behind the glass.

I quickly filled a cup with hot coffee, made sure the lid was on tight, and bagged his muffin to go. He did not have time to have the muffin heated, so I just placed a butter pad with a plastic knife in his bag. He paid and was gone again.

As I was clearing away dishes in a last attempt to clean my area before my shift was over, the man who had been in just minutes earlier returned.

He was still in a hurry, but this time he seemed quite upset with me.

He demanded to know what sort of joke I was playing on him. I was bewildered and stammered something about not knowing what he was talking about.

He drew the muffin out of his bag and hammered it on the counter.

The muffin did not crumble.

It did not fall apart.

It was rock hard!

Still dazed by his display, I looked around for some help when I saw a fellow waitress snickering behind the counter.

Through her laughter, the waitress explained to both the upset man and me that I had mistakenly given the man the actual display muffin that had been lacquered with preservative.

The real muffins were kept fresh in the pantry in the back of the store.
I Was Chased By a Dog
By: Muhammed Adedeji Akinyemi
Tags: Sarcasm, Dogs, Romance, Humour, Teens

It happened when I was 13 years old, and visiting my cousins for Christmas. I was notorious and introverted as a kid. I am still introverted, but not notorious. I caused more trouble than the number of words I spoke in a day. I would beat up someone and walk away to sit in a corner and continue reading Mastering English. I was the kind of person to seize your clothes, and give you a camera to take my picture. But you know, like Adam, like Samson, like Abacha, all hard guys have a soft spot. For me, it was Demilade.

The first time I saw Demilade at my cousin’s place, it was a typical waka pass situation. Like almost all things, I was indifferent about her. Not until I heard her talk, with her words dropping like a toddler’s cackle. And the way her eyes shouted “up NEPA” when she laughed. I asked one of my cousins about her, and she told me everything I needed to know. I had found my wife.

Demilade was the first person I had a crush on (that I followed up). By following up I mean, I played card games with her, smiled when she came to meet my cousins’ and hoped that if I made her smile enough, she would know that I really liked her.

I was always indoors, sitting in corners like a cat. But whenever Demilade came around to see my cousins, you’ll find me initiating games, asking to clean to house, anything just for Demilade to see me and know how much I liked her. My cousins knew and would make jest of me, and me, in turn, would kick and throw punches, threatening them to keep their mouth shut. But it would seem that although two years older, Demilade liked me a lot too. And she had repeatedly been coming to my cousin’s to see me, and not them. I know this because her eyes said so.

Also, because I started going to fetch water at the communal borehole with my cousins and Demilade was always there. When there is no water from the tap, I will volunteer to assist them in fetching from the well, because Demilade would be there. Every time I saw Demilade, I would giggle, wait for her to giggle back, then look away. One day, in the least expected way possible, I heard angels playing a song to amplify what we had. The heavens had endorsed our love.
In a Bah Humbug State of Mind
By: Tessa Barrie
Tags: Christmas Eve, Happy Christmas, Blog, Humour, Bah Humbug

I started off December 2020 in a bah humbug state of mind. Now, here we are on Christmas Eve and my mental state hasn’t improved. Two days ago, I rearranged the sitting room and forgot I’m not in my prime anymore, when I swung a heavy, high-backed chair from one side of the room to another and, my back gave way-what a time to self-incapacitate.

The Christmas tree may be up and looking gorgeous. All presents are wrapped — apart from the ones I haven’t got and can’t do anything about now, but walking around like the living dead is not useful when Christmas meals need to be cooked, and the constant rounds of clearing up are about to begin.

But, hey, you have to look on the bright side of anything positive in 2020. Things have improved this morning, yesterday I needed help putting my knickers on. 🤦

A #thankyou to #everyone who has #liked and #followed www.tessabarrie.com in #2020. It’s not been the #bestofyears for any of us. #HappyChristmas to you all and may #2021 see you #acieve all the #hopesanddreams you had for yourselves in #2020! 🍾🥂
A Smile :)
By: Abhinav Pratap Singh
Tags: Comics, Humour, Smile

A Smile :)

The truth is: we don’t know what we have until it’s gone, don’t think you’ve time to say thanks or love you to someone because maybe they might not be there tomorrow.
I’ll give you this day
By: David Raffin
Tags: This Happened To Me, Literature, Humour, Poetry, Humor

I’ll give you this day

a wallpaper sampler

and it is delicious

my friend,

If you are the kind

Who enjoys wall paste

Spread even

And seek to

Broaden your horizons.

What about that guy

In the story by Poe

Walled up, drunken,

Disorderly?

He had his hangups.
I would be more impressed
By: David Raffin
Tags: This Happened To Me, Travel, Humour, Poetry, Humor

I would be more impressed

If you were an opera singer

Standing atop the ruins

Of Mount Vesuvius

Belting out

at the top of your lungs

Them old familiar lines

Oh solo meo

Solo

To a roaring crowd

Who can’t quite make out

(Everything being relative)

Those sounds

Emanating from within

Misunderstanding

Someone says

“jump.”

And there is

Raucous applause

Because

The performance was

Sublime.
The Fifties However, her nostalgia for the past knows no bounds. Once a week she comes to tea; it’s the one afternoon I have free in my busy teen-routine. She keeps me on my toes, providing counter…
By: Lynette Clements
Tags: Short Story, Life, Relationships, Humour, Family

The Fifties

Photo by Bertrand Borie on Unsplash

My grandmother is an icon of the Fifties. However, she is a modern woman despite her age. She posts regularly on Facebook, uses Instagram and manages her banking online.

However, her nostalgia for the past knows no bounds. Once a week she comes to tea; it’s the one afternoon I have free in my busy teen-routine. She keeps me on my toes, providing counter ideas to her ideals; yet, her opinions have merit. Here’s one of her obsessions.
UK Prime Minister Mulls Barring Santa as COVID-19 Cases Skyrocket
By: Kate Norton
Tags: Christmas, Satire, Humour, Boris Johnson, UK Politics

UK Prime Minister Mulls Barring Santa as COVID-19 Cases Skyrocket

Dec. 22, London ( Norton’s News) -- Millions of British children could be disappointed this year as Prime Minister Boris Johnson considers banning Santa Claus from the UK over COVID-19 concerns.

The PM is holding a ministerial crisis meeting this morning because he’s worried that Father Christmas, delivering gifts to children around the world, could be a “superspreader,” especially because in the run-up to Christmas, he does not expect Santa will have had a chance to self-isolate from his elves.

“The PM is torn,” said one minister who will be attending the meeting. “ He (Johnson) hopes to see Santa himself--especially because he’s confident he’s been a ‘very good boy’ this year. But cases of COVID are skyrocketing and he thinks Santa could make things worse.”

However, the minister added that Johnson is also concerned about his legacy, and fears a revolt among parents and children who don’t receive a visit from St. Nick.

“He certainly does not want to go down in history as being responsible for that,” the minister said.

Since word of the crisis meeting was leaked to the papers early this morning, signs have already appeared outside Downing Street calling him “The Boris That Stole Christmas ,” “Boris the Grinch” and “Scrooge.” Other placards have implored the PM “Don’t Cancel Christmas, You Twat” and insisted “Santa’s Not a Superspreader.”

“This is already his worst nightmare,” said one minister. “He’s being been caught mulling yet another U-Turn in a bid to prevent the number of COVID cases from rising, and it’s backfiring.”

Associates think the PM’s aim is fair, but added, “He has really not thought this out--he underestimated what an icon Santa is and the backlash that would ensue by barring him at such short notice.”

Still, it remains questionable whether any such “ban” could indeed be put into effect. “Santa’s already secured rights over UK airspace, meaning he cannot be prevented from dropping off presents at children’s homes,” Santa’s Communications Director said.

“Children are Santa’s life; he’s also in the ‘vulnerable’ category, so he’s been wearing masks and self-isolating for months now, letting the elves get on with their work to ensure his Christmas Eve journey runs smoothly.”

“Father Christmas has weekly tested COVID negative, and if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s a ‘superspreader,’” the Communications Director continued.

“Santa can’t be barred at this late date and, after so many policy U-turns this year, I’d say the Prime Minister has been anything but the ‘very good boy’ he thinks is, so Mr. Johnson may be out of luck there, too,” he added.

The Prime Minister 's office declined to comment on the possibility of Johnson getting coal in his stocking.
Then you evolved? 😳
By: Ivana Knezevic
Tags: Humour

I was an idiot for a long time.
Apropos, A prose poem
By: David Raffin
Tags: This Happened To Me, Humour, Poetry, Humor

Apropos, A prose poem

I propose attacks on marriage.

And other things I may disparage.

I further call for a tax on syntax.

A sin tax on grievous body attacks.

A body tax on mischievous snacks.

Some thumbtacks

To impress some paper

About the accord

To be read aloud at the noticeboard.

A blanket tax on climate change

A partial tax on a rearrange

A carpet tax on well thrown rugs

A rug tax for a balding thug.

I ask for all these things intern

So we may all have money to burn.
Lockdown chickens
By: Sylvia Clare Msc. Psychol
Tags: Lockdown 2020, Chickens, Humour, Poetry, Love

As we bemoan and survive our woeful year

my chickens also have much to fear.

Avian flu is on the spread

so contact with wild birds is disallowed.

They patrol the perimeter of their smallish cage,

safe from predators and this plague,

restless to be out and roaming wild

hunting the long grass with dinosaur guile.

Their frustration with us on our daily visits

does nothing to allay their free ranging desires

these chickens who live a life without care

are now confined by those who dare

to challenge their wants and needs, to cage

them daily and ignore their rage.

but soon we shall all once more run free

and human and chicken can simply be.
When I went to the grocery store
By: David Raffin
Tags: This Happened To Me, Journalism, Humour, Poetry, Humor

When I went to the grocery store

I didn’t come for biscuits.

In the aisle near the door,

there was biscuit on the floor.

And all over his mother screamed,

Removing her face mask

come what hell brings.

“Biscuit!” she shouted out loud

Sputtering her sputum

into that hot crowd.

“Biscuit!“ she did shout again

Because repetition to her

was no grievous sin.

“Mama!” Biscuit shouted in return

He ran through the store

Like a fever does burn.

I’m sorry I don’t know how

This story ends,

But I hope I survive

To come again.

— DavidRaffin.com
Sarcasm and Blogging
Tags: Humour, Informative, Blogging

What can I do to fill what would otherwise be blank space in a blog no one asked me to start? More importantly, can I really grab people’s attention and have them read all the way to the end? Can I please feel validated for writing about my life even though it would keep going on with no damage if I didn’t have a blog?

If you want to be able to do all of this — and more (…maybe)! most people, millennials especially, are at risk of forgetting that they have a front-door — keep reading for my know-it-all guide (free of charge because YOU never asked for it!) on grabbing people’s attention with BS* titles and content we all occasionally question about how much we needed to read it!

Let me start us off with a picture of a pot-plant:

Isn’t he (she? xie?) adorable?

And right there, we have a thousand words and even less of that dreaded blank space.

But we all know the famous saying “too many chefs spoil the broth” (attributed to Marie Antoinette right before she let people eat brioche), so in this educational post we are also going to highlight the importance of being concise and making sure readers aren’t able to get confused.

*Blogging Sarcasm

That, my readers and fellow bloggers, is how we can accomplish getting people to read all the way to the end of a post; and if they don’t, we won’t know it!
Holiday Viewing Binges for Every Taste
By: Andrew Crider
Tags: American Dad, Christmas, Humour, Community, TV Shows

Photo by joshua herrera on Unsplash

Holiday Viewing Binges for every taste

For many of us, 2020 is the Christmas that we will be isolated from our family and friends. Here is a list of Holiday Inspired Playlists for you to stream to get you in the Christmas Spirit.

Comedies that embody the Christmas Spirit

Comedies that uplift with just a little bit of absurdity

“My Best Moment” — Scrubs (Season 4 Episode 12)

A Scrubs’s Episode where everyone is alive at the end is an excellent place to start our Christmas Journey.

“The One Where Rachel Quits” — Friends (Season 3 Episode 10)

Ross’s guilt forces a comical interaction, Monica spirals, Rachel is a bad waitress, and Joey has a part-time job. Like every other Friends Episode, but this one has Phoebe heartbroken about Christmas Trees dying.

“Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” — Community (Season 2 Episode 11)

Claymation … Check.

A story about alternative families during the holidays … Check

Christmas Themed Music … Check.

Christmas Teryadactle … Double-Check

“Most Adequate Christmas Ever” — American Dad (Season 3 Episode 8)

Stan does something incredibly selfish for 20 minutes, but it’s Christmas time Plus, Cute Cherubin Lawyers.

It’s adequate.
An Ode To Skyrim: Cloud District
By: Dan Martin
Tags: Skyrim, Humour, Poetry, Elder Scrolls, Videogames

Oh, do you come here often?

of course you don’t

I don't know why I bothered stopping

I am a very important person, you know,

I own the farm chillfurrow?

the jarl asks for my advice of course

who to keep alive, and who we want dead

oh I’ll just leave you be, this has gone over your head.
What If Medium Was Run By A Dictator?
By: Dylan Chia
Tags: Dictatorship, Fantasy, Fiction, Imagination, Humour

Photo by GR Stocks from Unsplash

Imagine if Medium was a country, what would it be like? Visions of utopia and freedom spring to mind, but what if that wasn't the case? What if one day a dictator decides to take over? How will that change the experience for us citizens of Medium? Well, worry no more as we dive in and explore this fantasy.

For starters, our drafts are probably gonna be monitored. If we have any article titles or works in progress with specific keywords, then we’re in for a surprise. Those articles might mysteriously vanish, or there might be a suspicious private note there telling us to cease and desist…

Next, there’s the issue of publication censorships. If any publication has the audacity to talk about certain issues that aren’t aligned with the interests of our overlords, or have too many articles mentioning a certain theme (like the fall of civilisations, war losers, assassinations, you get the picture), then Medium will gradually see a surprising decrease in the number of publications. Wonder why that’s the case?

Then, if we manage to get past all those obstacles, there’s still one last hurdle to go. Before any article gets published, our overlords are sure to give one last look at the story to ensure it lacks any suggestions that are detrimental to the image of Medium, and that there is always at least one sentence (or paragraph, depending on their mood) praising the well-oiled machine that is Medium management. Hence, don't be surprised if there’re some mysterious phrases appearing in your articles that you don't recall writing.

The members would also be given more power compared to us non-member peasants, allowing them to have higher priority when it comes to promotions and publication entry. This way, we’re all motivated to splash out more cash to get a taste of that pie and earn more attention from our rulers, thus resulting in more benefits for us as well.

If you’re a willing puppet of the state and follow through with these regulations, you’ll be duly rewarded with more engagements. This brings about a higher paycheck for your articles, as well as the satisfaction of serving the state and having that service recognised.

However, what happens to those who dare defy the high council and attempt to rebel against these restrictions? Well, they get their engagement privileges revoked and their promotion benefits taken away, ensuring that they have to contend with having zero views and claps for the rest of their time here. That is, until they decide to cooperate and serve the state once more.

In the end, this is all just a fantasy, a product of an active imagination. There’s no way the real head honchos of Medium would ever behave like that, right? After all, they’re benevolent rulers who ensure only the best experience for their users. (Now that I’ve mentioned this, can I please have my views and claps back now?)
Tis’ the Season
By: Manisha Sahoo
Tags: Poem, 237, Red Nose, Humour, The Weekly Knob

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

Winter has come a-knocking and it is time to hibernate,

Not in a deep, dark cave, but snuggled in a thick blanket –

Perhaps a sweater would do too, or a cardigan or a hoodie,

Though, socks are first and foremost, second skin to my feet,

Pockets perfect posers for gloves, and masks are mandatory –

Thank goodness for that; thus, all wrapped up and set to cheat

The seasonal cold, the pink, flushed cheeks and the red nose.

. . .

This was not a year where I could sneeze and cough,

And get away with a ‘Bless you’; it will be too rough

To get even a semblance of a sickness — risky, too risky.

With my medical history mired with a cold per annum,

I pray to the cells working in the department of immunity –

How about I serenade you? Would you then not succumb?

Imagine, I could be spared from flushed cheeks and red nose!

. . .

They threatened to turn feverish if I sang a single note,

Had me stop being dramatic and listen to their thought –

That they would stay fine as long as I kept my end straight,

Which was to stop imagining this strange conversation

Before I got tagged as delirious; I grew almost irate,

Till I realized the truth of it — dang that near delusion,

Almost had me ill without the flushed cheeks and the red nose.

. . .

’tis the season to be merry and bright, or so it goes –

Though, should I want to match the photos of years before,

I could always pinch my cheeks and get a clown nose,

And the tradition could thrive without things turning sour.
During the meal, 4y-old daughter’s new idea.
By: Satsuki Marui
Tags: Goodidea, Toddlers, Humour, Parenting, Comics

My 4y-old dauter’s cute & happy idea.

She is so positive.
And God Was Vaping
By: Ana Lilliman
Tags: Spirituality, Marijuana, Philosophy, Humour, Poetry

And God Was Vaping

I searched so far for the answer I looked into the eyes of god

And he was vaping

The answer is there is no answer we are all gonna die and then nothing

And he was vaping

And it means nothing and I am nothing

But I’m not anything I know I am something

I was something

I was someone

When she was laughing

When he was vaping
Go Away and Practice
By: James G Brennan
Tags: James G Brennan, Noise, Illumination Curated, Humour, Poetry

It’s taken you a great many years to be this bad,

to have only practised your posturing using your

loudmouth protesting your own greatness.

No one cares for your long hair; your swagger is more a stumble.

So here we are suffering through

a sound so bad you really should be ashamed of.

Alas, this will never happen, your inflated ego forbids it.

What a balloon!

A child who put some effort in will be a better player

than you could ever hope to be,

they at least worked it out to be any good takes practice.

“You can fool some of the people some of the time,”

then we all get bored, that’s really not a concern of yours

you just move on to the next lot, who, in your own mind,

cleverly manage to fool.

The lazy arse way of life for a con, artist?
Joseph Epstein Blames Dr. Jill Biden For The Titles Academia Grants PhD Graduates Because He Never Got One
By: Krystle Meixner
Tags: Jokes, Humour, Satire This Is Satire, Satire

In a WSJ article written by someone who is absolutely not a doctor, Mr Joseph Epstein implores Dr. Jill Biden to reconsider dropping Doctor from her title.

Mister Joe Esptein is quoted saying that it “sounds and feels fraudulent, not to say a touch comic,” referring to Dr. Jill Biden using the correct title for her credentials. “When I was in school getting a doctorate was really hard, not like these days, when they gift them out,” pouts Joey E. “I mean I never tried to get a doctorate, the application process took too long. But people tell me it used to be hard.” It should be noted that Joe doesn’t like comedians either, sending angry emails in protest to institutions that gave Seth Meyers and Stephen Colbert honourary degrees.

Joe believes that he is a higher quality of man than Meyers and Colbert and is proving it by holding Dr. Jill Biden personally accountable for the way academia gives titles to those who have earned doctorate degrees, “so why the heck am I not getting one too?” whines baby Joey.

Since Joe is himself not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination or education, he’s got a regular degree that he was allowed to teach with, perhaps he does not know that the White House already has a medical staff on site for White House staff and therefore it has never been a requirement for The First Lady to be a General Practitioner or even have a First Aid certificate.

“Back in my day,” hollers Old Man Epstein “the only house a woman was in was a kitchen. So please, while you’re in the White House I beg you to hide your Doctorate so I don’t feel like less of a man because a woman should never be smarter than me.”

Robert Murdoch, who owns the Wall Street Journal, also does not have a doctorate degree.

Krystle Meixner

@frickstle
The 5 Minute Anxiety.
By: Alloyce Lugoma
Tags: Weddings, Fiction, Humour, Anxiety, Love

The 5 Minute Anxiety.

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

The bright sun is shining above and the cool breeze is whistling from west to east adding onto the merrymaking state of the day. It is the day that Rose and Andrew will become one.

The lavish cars, Porsche, Mercedes, BMW and Audi carrying the bridal party are all parked outside the church entrance. They are decorated in black, yellow and a bit of white. The choir is already getting the congregation ready for the wedding by singing “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston. It is truly a beautiful moment for both Andrew and Rose.

Rose in her big, long, yellow dress with a strip of black takes an ambling walk all the way to the altar. She is then handed over to Andrew by her parents and the mass begins.

At the time of exchanging vows, the presiding priest poses a question to the congregation, “Is there anyone who would like to oppose this union? Please come forward.” What followed was pin-drop silence for approximately 2 minutes then a woman with a baby in her arms broke the silence, “I would like to say something.” Murmurs erupted among the congregation. Andrew is dumbfounded while Rose freezes.

The woman walks to the altar carrying her baby and takes the microphone from the priest and says, “I am Alice Andrew’s high school classmate. My child and I would like to wish you all the best in your marriage Andrew. God bless you two.” Alice hands back the microphone to the priest and walks back to her seat.

The congregation sighs while others start laughing. Rose becomes emotional. Andrew on the other hand closes his eyes for a minute, opens them and says, “I love you my pumpkin.”

(Priest) I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.