My Journey Towards Reconciling My Faith and Sexual Orientation
By: Mohamed Maoui
Tags: LGBTQ, Faith, Mental Health, Equality, Islam

I always used to say to my family, friends, and everyone I meet that dealing with depression has been the hardest thing I ever experienced in my life. I spent my teenage years grabbling with mental health issues, and that made me feel empty because I lost so many years sinking in a deep sorrow while my fellow friends were enjoying every moment of their childhood.

The main reason for my depression was that many kids at school and people I knew harshly bullied me. I used to go home crying every day without telling anyone about what happened since there was a lot of shame behind it. I used to be criticized for the way I walked, my soft voice, the way I spoke, and pretty much everything about me. Going outside was like torture for me, but so it was staying home because I used to receive the same comments from my family members, from the people I loved the most. I felt like I had to adjust everything about me, and that made me feel lonely because I was continually asked to fix myself. Yet, I was the only one who didn’t find anything to fix, which made my childhood, though, and I still haven’t even healed from those wounds now that I am an adult.

I grew up in a conservative Muslim family, and from an early age, I knew that Islam was my identity. Yet, as early as elementary school, I knew that I preferred the company of my male classmates, I could easily forget myself in the charm of some guys I used to study with, it felt amazing to be attracted to someone.

However, and from a very young age, I learned that the kind of attraction and love I was experiencing was a synonym of loneliness and abandonment.

After a few years, I came across the word gay, and like many other young gay people, the realization of our sexual orientation comes as a shock. In most cases, accepting this takes years. Some can admit this to themselves only at a mature age. A few are never capable of this.

No gay chooses his/her sexual orientation. Who would be foolish enough to decide to become gay when life for gay is so much harder than for heterosexuals? Gay people are often teased at school. In numerous cases, gay’ own families and friends distance themselves and even reject them. Getting a job is often more difficult for gay people than for straight people. And, gay people may lose their job when their boss or colleagues discover their sexual orientation.

Gay/lesbian people reported more acute mental health symptoms than heterosexual people, and their general mental health also was poorer. Gay/lesbian people more frequently reported severe physical symptoms and chronic conditions than straight people. Differences in smoking, alcohol use and drug use were less prominent.

Often heterosexuals look at gay with contempt and may also express their aversion to them verbally. In some countries, gay people are persecuted, imprisoned, and even sentenced to death. Gay rightly ask who would choose this.

Truth to be told, the primary reason behind my depression, was my inability to accept my sexual orientation, since I thought my faith was against me.

The first person who told me that I could be both gay and Muslim was my psychiatrist. When he said to me that I was astonished because it was the first time that someone validated my feelings, it was the first time that someone told me that I had the right to exist, me as a whole person without giving up on something as crucial as my sexual orientation.

After I met with a psychiatrist, I started researching on my own. He informed me of some organizations in the world that helped LGBTQ+ people reconcile their sexual orientation with their faith. I reached out to them and joined their social network. I used to ask a bunch of questions every day, and many other people were more than happy to help me and guide me towards the right path.

Having someone who told me that it was okay for me to be gay and muslin wasn’t enough because I needed to be convinced myself that it was possible to be both. So after years of research, I came out with the following reasons that justify how it was reasonable and healthy to be both LGBTQ and Muslim:

The only mention of same-sex sexual activity in the Qur’an which is the holy book in Islam, to my knowledge, is regarding the city of Sodom, and to the most credible interpretation is that the problem wasn’t that they were practicing same-sex sexual activity, it’s that they were practicing highway rape, preying on vulnerable travelers. Many people use these verses to justify their hatred towards gay people using specific verses that mention the sexual activity of Sodom or Lut people.

Sodomy people were already married with children, which means they were heterosexuals, who preferred to engage in sexual activity with men, and they weren’t gay per inner disposition.

The holy book doesn’t mention anything regarding the love between two adult men.

The Quran. Not once, *not once* does explicitly state that homosexuality is a sin and is condemned.

The Quran doesn’t speak about lesbian, asexual, or other forms of sexual diversity.

Most of the verses used to attack LGBT folks have disputed interpretations, and there is a solid argument that the verses aren’t referring to something like modern gay relationships but are instead referring to temple prostitution or pedophilia.

The basis of marriage for most LGBT people is love. There is nothing in Islam forbidding love marriage, even though marriage for love does present a different pool of possible candidates than was generally present in the time of Revelation, there’s no evidence, to my knowledge, that someone of the same sex is legally forbidden as a marriage partner. There isn’t any. There is even a part of the Qur’an that explicitly lists everyone we aren’t allowed to marry; most of these prohibitions pertain to familial relations. People of the same sex are notably absent from this.

For me, anyone who says that homosexuality is “un-Islamic” or “sinful according to the Quran” clearly knows nothing about Islam and the teachings of its scripture. I can clearly say that religion doesn’t speak, but people can speak and interpret things the way they want. It is very misleading to listen to people and their judgment. It is essential to develop a critical mindset, especially with it comes to discussing religious things.

I now created a Facebook group for the LGBTQ+ Muslims to provide them with the support they need and guide them towards full acceptance. I know how hard and lonely this journey can be. Even today, I still have friends of mine who always go against me and try to convince me that it wasn’t okay to be gay and Muslim. These kinds of friends chose to remain reluctant to open their minds and ease things for the LGBTQ+ people, and it was their choice. It is also my choice to walk away from this kind of friendship; I owe it to my happiness and peace of mind because, for me, my religion and the God I chose calls for love, acceptance, and understanding.

Let’s be honest here; we choose a religion to become happy in life, to become more stable, not to be miserable. Many LGBTQ+ people attempt suicide just because they feel that they don’t have a spot in their religion; others choose to leave their faith even if it’s something vital for them.

What matters, when it comes to spirituality, is not the gender of the persons you are attracted to, but rather the way you love them that matters. As far as I can tell, as long as you can commit to, support, and genuinely care for the people you love, you’re right in God’s books.

Gay people have not chosen their sexual orientation. Many of them have the same desire as heterosexuals’ to live in a loving and faithful relationship. For me, Islam represents one of my arms, and being gay is the other arm, and I refuse to cut one of them.