The Freedom Dance
By: Sex, The Society
Tags: Abuse, Sexism, Sex, Sex Work, Sexual Harassment

Free of abuse, free of sexual inequality and free of my old self.

When I say freedom dance, I mean that burst of absolute joy when you feel that sudden, overwhelming sense of being free, whether it’s a dance in your head or you really are grooving out in the middle of the street (this is highly encouraged). It feels like you suddenly know all the answers to the world (which if you do, please share) and the anger and pain you have felt so intensely from being the victim of sexism is for a second replaced with this new energy. It feels so good because you’ve had to work so hard for this dance.

My first freedom dance happened on the way to school one day. My mum used to drop me off on her way to work and our commute together became our favourite thing to do, as well as the usually harsh critique we’d give of whichever wedding dress was in the window that morning of the bridal store we drove past. But one morning we had to detour to my ex boyfriend’s house. Armed with a guitar he’d given me (I have absolutely no talent or interest in playing an instrument) and a plastic bag of the last few clothes he had left at my house, we pulled up on his drive way to give me my final closure, *disclaimer* this unfortunately didn’t happen just yet. I got out of the car and suddenly felt intensely strong, intensely angry and extremely ready for a fucking break from him. As I threw his belongings at his front door, breaking the guitar as I did so, I felt like the strongest 17 year old in the whole world. I wasn’t since there are so many girls with harder struggles, but this one gesture meant the world to me.

The dance happened as I got back in the car with my mum beaming at me, and the song ‘Happy’ came on the radio. The past year of emotional and sexual abuse I had suffered from him was forgotten about for a second, and I revelled in how freeing it felt just to throw his things back at him. Well, his door. I felt like I could start to free myself from him. This was the freedom dance.

Obviously, the journey of recovering from abuse, sexism and pain is a lot longer, harder and more intense than one gesture, but these small actions feel like a push as you do work yourself through it all. I’m not a doctor, therapist or anyone of stature within a medically qualified field to be an expert in recovery and abuse, but I’ve had my own experiences that have taught me so much, so I can say that you should give yourself your own freedom dances. Whatever it is that makes you feel so imprisoned, help yourself by searching for and trying ways that will make you feel so free.

My second freedom dance was an actual dance. Now as controversial as it may be, when I was 19 I became a stripper. In a month of deliberating with myself whether I could actually do a job like this, there was a lot of debating in my head. I had always been the girl who barked back at any unwanted male attention, most likely in the street, so how on earth had I come to asking the club “when can I start?”.

When I eventually did, I realised how being seen as this naked goddess, albeit to a drunken man, was so freeing. This job put me in control of a male for once. Side note; there is a much bigger conversation to be had about sex work, so bare with me I’ll get there, but for now as you’re reading this please leave aside all judgement. But the way I felt suddenly having all this control, in a safe and controlled environment, showed me that I didn’t have to be pretend like I was in control of my relationships with men, but that I could actually learn how to be.

You don’t necessarily need to strip to gain back your power, but it gave me back my freedom. After 2 years of suffering with anxiety from the emotional abuse, I suddenly had not a care in the world. I suddenly walked down the street by myself without bursting in to tears. I also suddenly had money.

So when I walked through town the day after revealing myself to men I didn’t know the night before, I held my head so high. I realised that if I could strip off and give random men lap dances, then I really could do anything. So I wasn’t going to cry as I walked down the street anymore. As I did my Saturday shop without any fear I danced freely in my head.

The lap dances were my freedom dances, showing me that I can be in control of myself. They pushed me to be confident and embrace who I was, what I looked like and accept who I wasn’t going to be anymore.

So please, HAVE YOUR FREEDOM DANCES! Whatever they are, wherever they are and for whatever reason that has you suffering from sexual inequality, find a way to make yourself feel free from sexism. Let me know what they are and tell me your own experiences, and if you would like me to share them then even better!