How Will Kids Remember the Pandemic?
By: Kartik Patgar
Tags: Covid 19, Social Change

How Will Kids Remember the Pandemic?

I was almost six years old when the Gulf War broke. International coalition forces waged war in Iraq, and as a result, Iraq attacked Israel with long-range powerful Scud missiles. I vividly remember the sirens. I remember putting on the gas mask that was distributed to all Israelis due to fear of a chemical attack. I remember constantly having to rush to the “sealed room” — my parents’ bedroom, which had its windows sealed with duct tape to protect against a nerve gas attack. I remember an unfinished dinner with my favorite food that was interrupted by sirens. I remember eating lots of cookies while sheltering instead.

The thing is, I don’t remember being scared. I must have been, but I have no recollection of it. All the snippets of images and situations in my mind are not associated with any feeling, neither positive nor negative. I look back at the period of the Gulf War as one of an exciting adventure. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the case in real time.

This got me thinking. My eldest daughter is now exactly the age I was back then. We both spent our fifth year on this planet living through an event that caused a major disruption to our lives. Both war and a pandemic are full of uncertainty, full of concern, and full of fear. Both are extremely difficult for a child to fully comprehend. So, how will my daughter, my younger son, and children all over the world remember this time?

Science is not conclusive on when children start formulating memories. It is commonly thought that the first long-term memory of most adults was created at the average age of 3.5 years.

In general—and this is not surprising—the older we get, the better we are at making and accessing memories. A 1962 study showed this to be true in rats as well. Rats of various ages were trained to fear one compartment in a double chamber. While all of the rats remembered not to get into the compartment immediately after training, the younger rats forgot three weeks later.

This phenomenon raised a question among researchers: Are younger children unable to form any long-term memories — or do they form them but simply forget them at a certain stage of development?

The subject of childhood amnesia has been well documented and researched for more than the past 100 years. Researchers in this field believe infants and toddlers can indeed form memories, but these memories are fragile and are later lost. The reason for this is yet unknown.

A study from 2011 showed that young children can recall memories that were created at a very early stage; however, these are replaced by older memories as the child grows. At around the age of 10, according to the study, memories are more easily established and could be accessed also in adulthood.

There are two types of long-term memory. Semantic memory allows us to remember general ideas and concepts. It is, for example, how we remember the color orange, that Eric Clapton sang “Let it Grow,” and that the world has been struck with the Covid-19 pandemic.

Episodic memory is used to remember personal experiences. It is, for example, how I remember that I love the color orange, that “Let It Grow” is my favorite song, and that during the pandemic, I traveled through locked-down London and felt utterly depressed.

Whereas semantic memories are usually more easily made and accessed, creating episodic memories is complicated. Episodic memory is also harder to recall. Brain imaging studies showed that the same parts of the brain that created the episodic memory are activated when recalling it — leading to what has been called “mental time travel.”

Researchers believe that very young children are capable of creating episodic memories but lose them over time, due to their complexity. Mark Reinecke, clinical director of the Child Mind Institute’s San Francisco Bay Area center, explained the meaning in Huffington Post: “Singular events, other than those which are truly traumatic, rarely have a long-term effect on children’s emotional and social development. By and large, children are resilient.”

Personal traumatic experiences are, naturally, an exception. A child who lost a close relative to Covid-19, for example, is more likely to form a lasting memory even at a younger age. But what about children who experienced the pandemic without any particular personal trauma? How will they remember this period? That really depends on us — the parents.

Rewind to the Gulf War. Two studies tried to answer the question of how children who experienced it remembered what had happened. Both studies found that the severity of the memories and symptoms decreased over time. However, children who spent the war in a family with inadequate cohesion or with a mother with poor psychological functioning were more likely to show symptoms of post-trauma and negative memories.

“Whether the stress related to coronavirus will leave sensitive children with bad memories will be, at least in part, a function of how parents manage the crisis,” explained Gene Beresin, MD, professor of psychiatry at Harvard University. “Children’s memories are profoundly affected by their perception of parent well-being.”

In other words: Younger children will shape their memories of this period based largely on how their parents coped with the pandemic. That means parents could help in making this period less traumatic for children. Kids might not remember it as a happy or positive period, but at least we could balance the negative aspects and help create healthier memories. The question is how?

There are some tricks to help turn the pandemic into a less stressful memory for our children. Naturally, we don’t want to completely manipulate them; we can’t tell our kids that a pandemic, millions of lives lost, financial uncertainty, and disruption of normal life are all good things. And yet reality, however harsh, could be framed a bit differently, and there are things we could do.

First, we need to talk. Talk to your children; explain what is going on and what has gone on. Parent-child reminiscing is a proven method to help with children’s emotional development and the creation of better memories.

Highlight the good. Yes, the pandemic’s been bad. It’s been a difficult period, but there was some good. “Families have a good opportunity here to help their kids frame the pandemic in positive ways,” said Kim Roberts, professor of psychology and director of the Laurier Child Memory Lab. “There are lots and lots of positive things that have happened, and there are lots of positive things we can say about the children who are going through this.” Parents could, for example, praise kids’ coping skills and highlight how communities came together to face adversity.

Set up a routine. Every week during shutdowns, millions of people in the U.K. went onto doorsteps and stood at windows to clap for the carers. This created a sense of routine, purpose, and belonging. My children were waiting for Thursday evenings and remember “Clap for Carers” as one of the most meaningful experiences of the pandemic.

Document, or encourage your children to do so. “Journaling or keeping a diary helps kids process feelings, register an experience in memory, and capture emotions,” said Gene Beresin, MD, professor of psychiatry at Harvard University. Since much of a child’s memory is fragile, many memories will be based on documents, photos, or videos. Try to document meaningful moments, and encourage older children to document moments themselves.

Relax. I know this is easier said than done, but parents make a huge contribution to the way a child shapes long-term memories. We have to take into account that our actions and behavior could have a long-lasting effect on the lives of our children. Some parents, for example, save stressful conversations for when the kids are away. Others try to tune down news reports when the kids are present. While it’s important to acknowledge difficulties, an emotionally healthy environment could be very significant in how children remember the pandemic.