5 Tricks to maintaining a healthy relationship in Lockdown
By: Monty Leigh
Tags: Relationships Love Dating, Lockdown, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Relationship Building

5 Tricks to maintaining a healthy relationship in Lockdown

Right. So here we are. If you are with me in the UK, you are about a month into your lockdown. If you are my friends over the pond in the U.S, you are in a more complicated situation which is state-by-state.

This article is going to outline the problems that arise in romantic relationships when you are on lockdown together, and how to combat these issues. I write this article for people who are living together with their partner, no children, and who are in an otherwise healthy relationship. If you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship please contact the National Domestic Violence helpline.

Remember when you first started dating your partner? You never wanted to go to work, you never wanted to leave them, you’d have spent all day in bed doing YOU KNOW WHAT if you could have. Yet, here we are. We have that time, no work, no distractions — so why are some couples arguing more and having sex less? WHY? That wasn’t the plan!

Here’s why:

We are in a global pandemic. There is an awful lot of stress that incurs from that — financial worries, health fears, career troubles and a genuine worry that we might lose loved ones. That is not exactly an aphrodisiac. On top of that, throw in the fact that we CAN’T leave the house. Not that we don’t want to, we are physically stuck together — not so sexy.

Now, whilst we’ve had some rocky moments , I’d be lying if I said I was the guru and nothing ever went wrong — my fiance and I have found we have figured out certain tricks that are making this lockdown feel more like a lockmoon, (sometimes). See what I did there?

PLAN A DATE NIGHT EACH WEEK. Take it in turns to plan it. For example, make Date Night every Thursday, and say it starts at 7pm — no exceptions. Dress up, treat it like a real date, and plan something nice for your loved one. If money is a worry, just light a candle and draw portraits of each other. Something to allow you two to connect, and engage with each other just like you would on the outside world. Also, the dressing up can do wonders for your personal mental health. RESPECT EACH OTHER’S BOUNDARIES. So you’ve found yourselves at home together much more often? This will cause inevitable issues with how we want to spend our time. For example: You want to watch a movie together, and they want to take a long relaxing bath. Rather than enter into an argument, ask your partner why they want to do their activity. The answer might surprise you. ‘I want to watch this movie because I need a bit of an escape,’ ‘I want a bath because I need some me-time’ — Both fantastic reasons. Respect each other’s wishes, don’t argue, and let both of you enjoy your shared space — separately sometimes. Just because you are both home, does NOT mean ALL your time must be spent together, thats just a recipe for disaster. BLAME ALL THE HOUSEHOLD PROBLEMS ON AN IMAGINARY PERSON

No joke. I mean it. For the past 3 weeks a lady called Brenda (imaginary housemate) has been leaving half-drank cups of coffee around the house. This diffuses arguments and blame, as we pick up the cup of coffee and loudly should ‘BRENDA YOU B***H!’ UPKEEP OTHER SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

It is easy to let other friendships and relationships fall to the wayside when we are only seeing one person in the flesh. The issue with this is, we cannot ask too much of our partner. If your friends are a source of comfort for you during tough times, ensure that you are continuing this during lockdown — and not throwing all the responsibility on your partner. Your partner cannot be your workout buddy, lover, boss, counsellor & party animal friend all in one — its too much pressure. FaceTime friends, FaceTime family — keep relationships alive, so your romantic relationship isn’t put under too much strain. LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

So, this is the key one. This is a pretty gloomy situation, and it is scary on so many levels. This means very serious conversations with your partner about finances, the future, mental health etc are inevitable. Serious conversations aren’t fun, so when you find an opportunity to make your partner laugh — take it. Tickle them, (if they like that, don’t be a creep) or dress up in your weirdest outfit, decide to learn a tiktok dance together, play strip poker. Laugh! Laugh! Laugh! It’s not a funny situation right now, so christ knows- we need to make moments of light in the dark.

Now, this is key — always remember your partner is in the same situation as you. They are just as stressed, shocked and at a loss of what to do as you are. They are not perfect. Communicate as much as possible, and check in with each other often. Remember that relationships are supposed to be a source of comfort, and leaning on each other at this time is good — but needs to be done in medium doses, ensure you still lean on your friends & family. Be silly. Laugh. Walk around naked. Remember the beginning, when you didn’t want to leave them — here is your time.