Are You Who They Think You Are?
Tags: Misconception, Funny, Human Behavior, Stereotypes, Psychology

It took me a minute to write “it took me a minute to write”.

No, it’s not writer’s block, I just haven’t had time to put my thoughts together. Na many things dey worry me, plus work has been kicking my ass anyway.

Let’s talk about misconceptions. Yes, a lot of us have had or still have people misconceive our true nature. It’s become a cross we’ve been compelled to bear.

People take one flimsy look at us then assume the worst or the most ludicrous God knows what.

Cecelia, yes my eyes are always dazed and sensual. No, I’m not giving you ashawo eyes, kill that fantasy, I won’t shag you.

You’ve thought about it too yeah? I’m talking about my supposed “ashawo eyes!” Stop feigning ignorance! You’ve thought the worst of me too!

Oh, you’re just a fan of my medium publications? Shit my bad! You know I actually forgot all my readers aren’t acquainted with me. Oya sorry, like shank would say, “I have hanger issues”. Wait! You don’t know shank? Ah, #whothef*ckareyou?

Well, the truth is, a large number of people assume I spend a major part of my life burying my face in “Victoria and Anwulika’s secret”.

Of course, I love women, thick, petite, dark skin, light skin and all shades of gorgeous women you can think of. However, I’m not dedicated to shuffling and juggling multiple women simultaneously like a circus show you’ve concluded I’m a top performer at.

Don’t get it twisted though, I’m a flirt, an unrepentant one at that.

I could tell you I want to use my tongue to paint graffiti from your neck down to your navel, but I swear on Mary had a little lamb, it is just a momentary spur of faux indecency. Like a Nigerian politician, I do not have plans to fulfil my exaggerated promises, I’ve got better things to do like hustling to outwit Sapa and to pop my first Azul.

Enough about me though, what are the misconceptions people have about you?

Are you one of those that people constantly assume has truck loads of money while you’re not far off from being a truck pusher? I think this one hurts the most though.

Sapa go dey torment you, person go dey call you “boss”, “big man”, just to set the pace for an incoming plea for “urgent 2k”.

Walai Chibuzor, if you give me, I go collect, forget smooth skin, I dey wash my face like 5 times daily with morning fresh, na why I fresh like this. No be seyyy, Shey you get me?

I made it about me again!

But what would you have me do when I can relate to your experiences?!

Sorry for raising my voice at you, I’m not usually uncultured, it’s just transfer of aggression, I’m sincerely sorry, or not. Wo leave me alone, what is doing palm oil is not doing Ororo.

Let me guess, you’re single? Of course. But you’re drop-dead gorgeous, so, how’s it possible that an ethereal creature like yourself lacks a romantic companion? Shola, it’s not village people, stop burning rubbish incense, save the planet, ode.

The problem is, people often assume that good looking people can’t possibly be single due to the stereotypical beliefs that they must be enjoying an influx of suitors and admirers.

Na fine you fine, you no kill person, but that’s non of their concern.

What is the solution out of such a mess? See ehn, me sef I don’t know, maybe you should continue burning that incense. Just don’t bring it near me.

“Psstt psstt” uncle and aunty on glasses, yes, I’m talking to you guys. Don’t lie to me o, how many book you sabi? Shut up! Olodo! You and I both know your eye glass is your PR.

It is common knowledge that people who wear recommended glasses are often considered as polymaths, geniuses and serious minded folks.

This stereotype forces this set of people to mount pressure on themselves to live up to the expectations people have foolishly placed upon them.

I won’t say much though, but Mia Khalifa says “Hi”.

If you’re a young Nigerian lady living in Lekki or SAPA LONDON, people automatically assume you exchange your Coochie for Gucci. Trade by Sapa. I know I know, it hurts that a strong Black woman has to deal with such demeaning stereotypes, it sucks.

Anyway, a bit of advice from me to you, if you don’t want to be mistaken for a HOE, avoid FARM CITY.

Oh, I shouldn’t tell you what to do yeah? Omo na true you talk sha

I could go on and on about this topic, but I’d stop here today so I don’t risk boring you. We live to write another day.