What if you suck at personal essays?
By: Linda Caroll
Tags: Writing On Medium, Creative Writing, Advice, Writing Tips, Writer

Medium tips are like crack for people who write here and hope to find a few more readers…

Because it kind of sucks to write something that no one reads. I mean really, if I wanted to write stuff no one would read, I’d sit on my deck and write it in a damn notebook. You know?

So if I find a tip that works for me, I’ll share it.

And if I see a tip, I’ll read it. We all do it.

One of the tips I read (often!) is that “personal essays” are what “work” here.

That kind of sucks, because I suck at personal essays and I know it...

Sometimes I can swing it. Sort of. Like in a poem, maybe. Or vague allusions.

But outright personal essays? Nope. I suck at them.

And I know why. Because my pain isn’t up for grabs.

Not sale. Not for a click or a buck. That’s just not me.

My sex life? None of your business.

Abuse I’ve experienced? None of your business.

My financial stresses, my child, my family?

Also none of your business.

It’s not personal. No slight against you.

It’s just that *I* get to decide who I share what with. So do you.

If you want to share everything with the whole damn world, have at it.

That’s for you to decide. No one sets your boundaries but you.

But if not? That’s okay, too.

Mostly, it’s that I don’t know who “you” are.

You might be my boss. Or my next client.

Or my sister or my elderly auntie. You know?

Because when you hit publish, anyone gets to read it.

Also? I’m just tired of pain equaling profit

I’ve worked in marketing my entire life and what I’ve learned better than anything is that where there’s pain, there’s profit to be had.

Hey fatty, here’s a diet pill. And a diet plan.

Also boxed diet food, so you don’t have to think about it.

Tired of those heavy thighs? Sick of your wrinkles?

Want to look younger, sexier, smell better?

Sick of being broke? Here’s a book.

Sick of being stressed?

Want to get the guy or get the girl?

Tired of not being able to sleep?

Sick of being a broke ass wannabe?

There’s a purchase for that, my friend.

I get it. I understand. I could spew an entire diatribe about psychological triggers and primal emotions and the psychological triggers that motivate people to take action. Because this is the field I work in.

Bad enough that everywhere I turn, someone wants to profit off my pain.

I’m not doing it to myself.

My pain is not up for sale.

That’s the cool thing about personal choice

You don’t have to agree. If you’re okay knowing your kid might read about the threesome— or your boss might read what you wish you said to him — or your Mom might read the things you said about her? Have at it. Your call, not mine.

There’s a world of difference between “judging” and making a judgement call. I’ll defend your right to set your own boundaries, but at the same time, I can acknowledge that mine are different. Vive la différence!

So what do you DO if you suck at personal essays?

I highly recommend that you look at the list of the top stories on Medium.

Because you know what you’ll see?

Tons of them — TONS of them — are NOT personal essays.

And then, knowing that, just write whatever the heck you want.

Because it was never about WHAT you write, but THAT you write.

I could go into a diatribe about frequency and share of voice, but suffice to say that when people are writing 3 times a day here, it’s real easy to feel invisible.

Not everything you write has to be a story that you slaved over. Comments are stories here, remember? Haha!

So just stay active. Comment on stories on the days you don’t post a “real” story. Be helpful or insightful or make someone laugh. It helps you stay visible. Keeps you in the feed so you don’t disappear.

And then write whatever the heck you want. If all the top stories aren’t personal essays, yours don’t have to be either. Write what you want!

Some of my favorites… hope you enjoy!

And one of those “allusion” things… (ie: just a bit personal)