Connect before you break up
Tags: Breakups, Dating, Relationships, Connection, Love

Most breakups can be avoided. So how do you create a stronger connection before you’re heading towards a breakup?

You used to be so aligned, but now you seem to be on a different frequency. You may talk, but you can no longer understand each other. What happened and what can you do about it?

Here are 5 steps for a stronger connection with your partner:

Step 1: Awareness

Become aware of the dynamics that have developed in your relationship. These were already present when you started dating, but when you fall in love, your boundaries fade so much faster and you look at each other through pink glasses. Actually, you don’t see the person in front of you like he really is, but how you want him to be.

Be aware of your own part and take responsibility.

Step 2: Forgiveness

A quote I love: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”

When it feels like you are drifting further and further apart, forgive.

Forgive yourself, and hug all the parts of yourself that you haven’t embraced yet. People are not perfect, and we don’t have to aim for that. Perfection is just a creation of our mind, it’s an illusion. And it drives us crazy.

Idealization makes us want to manipulate and criticize the people we love.

Remember you can’t change your partner, and you shouldn’t want to. You don’t want to be changed yourself, do you?

So forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive your partner. Forgive him for not always making himself understandable and rarely telling you how he feels. Forgive him for not saying ‘I love you’ as often as you desire. And forgive yourself for feeling insecure about that. Forgive and love.

Step 3: Overviewing

How do you experience your relationship right now? If you are scared that you’re heading towards a breakup, I expect you to feel unsatisfied and upset.

What problems are you facing together?

Maybe you are poor at communication. You might not be saying how you really feel and run around in circles. Maybe your partner is avoiding certain topics, or you consciously ignore them. Whatever is going on in your relationship, write it down. The positives and the negatives. Especially the positives, make them 80 % of your list, if possible, and focus on them.

You free your friends and family a lot more from criticism, than your partner. Isn’t that terrible? Once, you were on Cloud 9, and now, you can’t even seem to give your partner a chance to be understood or to speak his mind.

You may have a relationship, but you are still two completely different people who crave to be understood and to feel safe. Don’t forget that your partner has his own beliefs and values too. He might be raised differently and experienced other things in his life than you did.

Step 4: Tackling old beliefs

Now, we are going to explore what your reality is about love and relationships. What is your truth? What are your beliefs? Write them down.

Do you believe in happily ever after? Or are you scared that you’ll never find the one? Are you afraid to make the same mistakes as your parents did? Do you believe that you’ll never be good enough, that you’ll always have to try harder? What stories do you tell yourself? And do you believe them?

Know that most of our old beliefs do not benefit us. They only limit us in connecting with each other. And that’s such a shame, so tackle them.

I want you to write a new story for yourself. What do you like to believe about love? How do you want to feel in your relationship? What makes you feel safe and loved and how can you and your partner provide in that?

What small step in the right direction can you take?

Step 5: Connecting

How do you feel right now, at this point? Because it’s time for the last step: to become in alignement again. If you‘re still with me here, I’m guessing that’s what you really desire.

You are now aware of the dynamics between you and your partner, and you forgave yourselves. You tackled your old beliefs and wrote a new and positive story about your relationship and the way you believe in love.

Connection is made by truly wanting to understand your partner and genuinly accepting him. By recognising your partners wants and needs in life, and supporting him. Explore eachother in all your facets, open up and dare to be vulnerable.

If your partner needs more or less space than you do, accept it. Balance is everything. It’s an opportunity for personal growth and it will let your love grow deeper than you could ever expect. Your partner will also be able to open up faster, ‘cause you are a genuine trustworty and respectful person.

You now created a solid foundation on which love can grow, with deep roots and wide wings.

Love.

-

Instagram: theloveblogger