Moving from failure to failure.
By: Kelly O'Neill
Tags: Data Science, Career Change, General Assembly, Bootcamp

At the start of 2020, I never imagined that life as I knew it would change so fundamentally. How revolutionary, right? A person whose life was affected by the pandemic. But from where I sit in April of 2021, starting a data science bootcamp, I want to reflect on the last year.

2020 started out pretty innocuously for me. The pandemic was still far away in my mind (read: I was in denial), so it was business as usual. I had a job I didn’t quite hate, working for a company I could tolerate mostly. I made decent money; I was decently comfortable. Then came March and my layoff. At first I panicked. What would I do? What about money? Insurance? It was devastating, but for some reason (spoiler: I hated the job more than I led on a few sentences ago) I wasn’t actually upset about losing that job. I was upset about having to find something else. It’s so much simpler to stay in a situation that is tolerable than to seek out something more.

The job search was, unsurprisingly, fruitless. I felt like I was burning through money despite (mostly) only buying the essentials. Why was living so damn expensive? Why had I wasted my time in college on a music degree instead of something sensible like business, or computer science, or pretty much anything else. I was almost 30, an age that at the time terrified me, and I had no job, no prospects, no skills.

I sat with my self-loathing for way longer than I wanted to. I had flitted from job to unfulfilling job since 2013. I had been desperately trying to spin the plates of a terrible job, various toxic relationships, and my crumbling mental health for way too long and I needed a break. I didn’t like the path I was on and I wanted to make a change, but I was scared. I never thought I was smart enough. I never tried to do hard things; failure was not an option for me growing up so I adjusted my goals accordingly. Don’t aim high and you won’t miss.

But I couldn’t do that anymore. I was only qualified for the most non-essential of positions, none of which hiring and I didn’t know when they would be again. I had been flirting with the idea of doing a software bootcamp for years at this point, but like I mentioned earlier, I was scared (of everything). I had gotten really good at not working very hard. But I decided to do it anyway. I was tired of being bored all the time, and an easy job no longer appealed to me.

I started by applying to a frontend engineering bootcamp, and I absolutely bombed the interview. With a capital B. I let myself stew in the feeling of being an absolute failure for exactly two days before I planned my next move. I decided to teach myself Python because I had a smidge of experience with it, and it was just a pleasant language to learn. It was super uncomfortable. Learning as an adult feels awful sometimes; when I was a kid it was like all I had in my head was space to fill with knowledge but for some reason as an adult I was ashamed of my lack of knowledge. With great effort and multiple self help books I pushed past it (and honestly I’m still pushing past it everyday). After a couple months I discovered that my particular learning style necessitated more structure. I started seeking out bootcamps that focused on Python, and that’s where I discovered data science. I had always scrolled past those job postings in my aforementioned fruitless job searches, but it never seemed like something I could do; data science was for people who were, I dunno, scientists. But I wanted to. And that was that.

So I enrolled in a prep course for a data science bootcamp in my state. It was okay, but it was pretty impersonal, and once again when it came to interviewing for enrollment I capital-B Bombed once again. Damn it. Why couldn’t I do this? I knew I was stupid. I knew there was no way I could do this. What was I thinking? And then I let another two days go by. Okay new plan: enroll in a structured Python course, and THEN try for the data science bootcamp. Okay let’s go.

Enter General Assembly (notanad). I enrolled in the part-time Python course taught by an instructor who reminded me of why I wanted to do this in the first place. It was fun and engaging, but also challenging. I was so excited; I felt like maybe I had found the place for me. So I called my enrollment guru person and he sent me the technical challenge and set up an interview for the data science immersive. The DSI. The most intimidating acronym I could think of. But imagine my surprise when I read through the technical challenge and I COULD DO EVERYTHING ON IT. I was flabbergasted. I actually knew things. Maybe I could do this? Maybe.

We met for the interview in Zoomland and although I was nervous, for once I felt confident in my abilities. I spoke easily, presenting my cute little graphs I made in a Jupyter Notebook. I was so proud of that little project. I actually felt optimistic, a stark contrast to the dread I was used to feeling after my previous interviews. The next morning I was so nervous. There weren’t so much butterflies in my stomach as there were bats. But I got the call and I was in! I was elated. I finally got one! I felt so happy, so full of potential. I could finally start working on a career that would challenge me and potentially provide some financial security. But most of all I could finally have something that made me finally feel like I was capable. Something I wanted to be good at. Even if it didn’t come easily.

I’m now in week two. It has been a test in my resolve. I’m going to be overwhelmed and glued to my computer for the next ten weeks. I’m stressed, exhausted, my brain hurts, and I haven’t driven my car in 9 days. But you know what? I’m not mad about it. I feel like I’m supposed to be here. Even when I feel like a failure. Because like Churchill said and I paraphrased, success is just moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.