Reflections on My First Christmas Without Family
By: Viola Altiste
Tags: Christmas, Personal Reflection, Family, Life Lessons, Covid Christmas

Reflections on My First Christmas Without Family

Weirdly enough, it was a dream come true

Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

There has been no shortage of holiday traditions with my parents and extended family. In particular, my cousins and I have always gotten together for a big New Year’s celebration since we were little. Even now with most of us in our twenties, we still commit to celebrating the new year together.

This year, due to the pandemic, I opted not to go home for the holidays around August. Back then, Covid numbers weren’t as bad in Canada so it seemed foolish to make such a bold decision that far in advance. I anticipated that my decision would be met with opposition from my extended family for “not caring” about the family, but I knew this was the right thing to do.

My parents were fine with my decision, in fact, they suggested it. I don't own a vehicle so my only way to get home is flying. There was no way of getting from my current city of residence to my hometown without having a layover in the Toronto Pearson Airport. I felt uneasy about spending any amount of time in Pearson airport as there is a strong possibility of being in contact with international travelers who haven’t yet gotten into quarantine.

As cases rose throughout the fall, not going home for Christmas became a more socially acceptable choice for young adults. My cousins had reached out to me via Facebook Messenger in October suggesting that we do our New Year’s celebrations virtually to keep everyone safe. Not only that, it keeps it inclusive to those who are unable to travel.

Christmas has just past and to be completely honest, it was a breath of fresh air. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I love spending time with my family, but it was so nice to chill on December 25th and not worry about large gatherings for once. Weirdly, this was the holiday season I have been waiting to have for the past 26 years.

Not traveling during the holidays was a blessing

Since the year 2012, I have been arranging carpools or booking flights to go home for the holidays. My parents have never been big on traveling around Christmas and New Year’s, so I only really needed to worry about holiday travel when I went away to university.

Holiday travel is stressful enough without a global pandemic. I have not left my current city of residence since the pandemic began and still don’t want to be anywhere near an airport.

I remember one year in particular there was a big snowstorm the morning of my flight home. I called a taxi to the airport earlier than I normally would in anticipation of road closures and slow traffic. Upon arrival at the airport, I found out my flight would be delayed by 2 hours, which would cause me to miss my connection at the Toronto Pearson Airport. The agent gave me three options; rebook my travel for the following day, take the chance that the flight from Toronto will also be delayed, or take a later flight from Toronto.

The least risky option was to switch to a later flight departing from Toronto. I was glad I opted for that as my flight to Toronto kept getting delayed by 20 more minutes each time I looked at the screen. I eventually made it back home, albeit several hours later than planned.

Looking back at all these holiday travel scenarios made me thankful to finally experience a year where I could stay put.

I’m in a different stage of life

This would have rung true for me regardless of the pandemic, but the restrictions certainly highlighted how much my life has progressed from university student to working individual.

As a student, it is often expected of you to go home to your family during the holiday break as campus housing and other services will be closed. Usually, international students choose to stay put due to travel costs or logistics.

However, as a young professional, you start to grow out of going home every year for the holidays. Most workplaces will not give employees two or three weeks off for the holidays. Even if you do have the time off as I do, you begin to wonder if it’s really necessary to spend this whole break at home every single year.

The year 2020 was full of firsts for me. One of those is that I began my first serious relationship earlier in the year. Our relationship got tested far earlier than most this year with the pandemic, but we were there for each other the whole time and I can’t imagine going through lockdown with anyone else.

Throughout the year, I wondered how this relationship would affect my plans for the holidays. Although my family is very open to inviting friends and significant others to the New Year’s gatherings, my boyfriend works a security job where it is difficult to get Christmas and/or New Year’s off. I was caught in the moral dilemma of not going home to spend our first Christmas together as a couple or going home to see my family without him.

The pandemic helped shape this difficult decision for me. My boyfriend still has not been called back to work and the rising Covid numbers made me too nervous to travel. Therefore, we got to spend a lovely, quiet Christmas with just the two of us.

I don’t like spending large blocks of time in my parents’ house

I am secretly jealous of my classmates who moved back in with their parents after graduation or lived with their parents throughout their university years. I thrived on the independence I gained from living in residences and apartments, but I wish I had the patience to deal with my parents to reap the financial benefits of living at home.

Each year when I went home for the holidays, it became increasingly apparent how little connection I had with my hometown. I was the weird music kid in high school and didn’t really have any friends. There were a few people I did keep in touch with for a little while, but by my second or third year of university, I had basically lost touch with anyone from my pre-university life.

Of course, I faithfully went home for Christmas and part of the summer holidays from 2012–2019 while I was a post-secondary student. There was really no point as I had no friends my age that I could hang out with. I basically just sat in my parents’ house doing next to nothing for anywhere from two weeks to three months.

No matter how much my parents tried to acknowledge that I was an adult, I always felt like a child while I was visiting them. Even when I wanted to do simple things like go for a walk or go study at a coffee shop for a few hours, they would ask where I went. If I stayed at home, however, I felt stir crazy and isolated, but at least I didn’t have to report my whereabouts.

The last straw was when I went home for Christmas 2019. This was my first time going home for Christmas as a young professional. I get time off from my job around the holidays which is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it’s a rare opportunity and I should take advantage of it as I may not have this job forever. On the other hand, I feel obligated to visit my parents, despite it not being the best use of my time.

Losing connecting to my hometown and feeling isolated at my parents’ house are also more examples of how I’ve progressed into a different stage of life. I’m no longer an adult child who comes home during university holidays, I’m a working adult with my own life.

Family gatherings are draining

As an only child who is extremely introverted and socially awkward, I feel this one on a spiritual level.

When I was a child, as much as I loved having opportunities to hang out with other kids, I embraced the only child life. Family gatherings were hard on me because I wasn’t able to eat the food that I liked or play with the toys that I wanted. I had to learn this foreign concept of sharing with my cousins.

Although spending a lot of time with my cousins growing up helped me practice social skills, large gatherings were still challenging for me. I would get burnt out easily and beg my parents to take me back home. When I got to high school, these family gatherings were an absolute nuisance as I was I nerdy child who freaked out about not having enough time to study and complete my homework.

The tables turned when I went away to university, however. I lived on-campus in the residence so I got used to being around people and going to parties. Going home was hard because I felt lonely and isolated from my friends at school. I still considered myself an introvert, but I gained more extroverted tendencies as I got more comfortable around people.

When I attended family gatherings during my university years, my parents would be the ones begging me to come home with them while I was having the time of my life playing games with my cousins. Having had the experience of living as an independent adult where I could decide when I was ready to leave a party, it was hard to go back to being an adult child at home.

The lockdown, however, has returned me to my natural introverted state where I am content with staying at home with a good Netflix series. At first, I yearned for the day when I could attend a large party again, but for now, I embrace this new lifestyle.

This year on Christmas morning, my family had a group video call. It was great as I could join the call at my leisure and leave when I was ready without needing to factor in commuting time. Overall, the call took up no more than 30-45 minutes of my time. We will have a similar group call for New Year’s and again I will have the freedom to leave instantly when I’ve had enough.

While I’m sure I can work to revive my extroverted side again one day, I am enjoying skipping out on the large gatherings for once.