Thankful for Stuff I Used to Hate
By: Heather Burton
Tags: Lifestyle, Life, Self Improvement, Gratitude, Writing

Breaking It Down

Winter

Winter storm, Nov. 26, 2019. Photo by A. Burton.

Commiseration about the weather, whatever it’s doing, is like a national sport…and winter gets punted all the time.

My friend’s thinking prompt was, “Give Thanks for Your Favourite Season.”

This is like choosing your favourite kid, three of whom you like, and one you disinherited long ago.

I live not too far from the eastern slopes of the Canadian Rockies. We often have snow from September (3 feet this year) through May. Winter, for us, entails shoveling and more shoveling, avoiding driving or choosing to drive in dangerous conditions because winter roads are nearly always dangerous, thinking about survival each time you exit the house, and, consequently, a whole lot of outdoor avoidance.

Although I start thinking about Spring’s renewal in the Fall, love Summer’s warmth and its contrast of productivity and relaxation, and am awed by Autumn’s glory, Winter challenges all of my senses, determination, imagination and gratitude for what is given more than any other time of the year.

So I am admitting, for the first time in my life, that although every season is lovable in its own right, I am most grateful for Winter because it stretches me and makes me strong.

Anxiety

Photo by Jeremy McKnight.

Simple fact: I grew up anxious — sick anxious. I am not grateful for how debilitating and stifling that was, except….

Over the decades of my adult life, I’ve studied strategies and coping mechanisms, reached deep for strength I didn’t know I could access, and pretty much revolutionized my eating/sleeping/moving lifestyle to support healthy, rested responses and endurance in stress-inducing situations.

That is all good and things are much better, but what I’m grateful for about anxiety is that when someone else is experiencing it, I can feel with them. I “get” anxiety enough to shift gears and pedal at their speed.

Anxiety was the cost.

Personal growth was the investment.

A degree of empathy is the dividend.

Getting Older

“Age is irrelevant, unless you’re a cheese…or old.”

Photo by Taylor Smith.

When I turned 40, I was blithe. I use this word to suggest blissfully unconcerned. I felt accomplished in my maturity that I was not one iota fazed by cresting the hill.

What hill? What’s with attitude about it’s all downhill from here?

Like I said, unconcerned.

Then some of the more visible effects of ageing started showing up in my hair, on my mirror, and around my waist. Little aches came from nowhere. I had a scary heart incident. Friends’ warnings that you turn fifty and there goes the warranty started to seem possible.

Although I’m more conscious of my own mortality, and although I still mourn my shiny brown hair, the relative ease of shedding 5 pounds once in a while, and smooth, wrinkle-less skin, I’ve become glad for the power I have to contribute to my own longevity by becoming smarter and more pro-active.

Hard-earned wellness feels great…and takes the edge off ageing.

Dark Chocolate

Photo by Dovile Ramoskaite.

Once you’ve become habituated to smooth and creamy, it’s awfully hard to transition to bitter, woodsy, and slightly (or more than slightly) chalky.

But, hear this: Dark chocolate (high in cacao or cocoa) is higher in antioxidants than superfruit like acai, pomegranate and blueberry. This means dark chocolate can prevent the effects of cell-disruptive free radicals before they do damage.

For me, it’s also proven to have built-in self-control. How much bitter can you do?

Dark chocolate, I’ve come to know, is excellent preventative, balancing nutrition.

Video calling

Photo by Rachel Moenning.

Twenty years ago, the thought that someone would be able to see me on a call was appalling.

This probably says more about my state of dress or readiness for the day when I answered a phone than it does about privacy concerns, but the fact is, I would have been a late adopter of the technology if it hadn’t been for working in a distributed office. Most of my meetings were online and seeing the participants really enhanced connection.

Now, it’s all useful and used for good: Skype, Zoom, Google Hangouts, FB video calling, Marco Polo. Each helps me see “my” people better, learn right where I am, and reach others around the world.

Spoiler alert if you’re not already there: It is the best technology in the universe when your grandchildren live far away.

Avocados

Photo by Thought Catalog.

Q. What has skin like a dried toad, just a hint of flavour in its oily, slimy, green flesh, and a seed that takes up 30% of the space for fruit?

A. Yup. That thing I avoided for the first 30 years of my life.

The transition started with small dollops of guacamole because it was a Mexican restaurant and I was an adult in the company of other adults…and we all know how much fun finicky eaters are.

Learning that avocados nourish eyes, regulate blood sugar, lower bad cholesterol, prevent cancer, treat arthritis and more makes them all the more delicious.

Vive le avocado toast!

Early mornings

Photo by Andreas Kind.

Two a.m. was my prime time at one time. I could get everything done faster after midnight.

Two a.m. also makes for cranky, underslept people when you can’t adjust your wake-up time to compensate for short sleep hours.

Switching to early mornings for productivity and peace took (and still takes) a lot of self-discipline and preparation, but it is the biggest contributing factor in my better health, better readiness for the roles I play, and better self-confidence. (I procrastinate less when I’m honest with myself that late nights are self-defeating.)

Early mornings rule.

Ugly workouts

Photo by Hans Reniers.

I might have been a teenage athlete, particularly in long-distance running, if I hadn’t looked so gosh-awful in the heat of physical exertion — blotchy red cheeks, pouring sweat, and lifeless hair — and been so self-conscious about it.

When I adopted early morning as my self-care time and signed up for fitness classes that start at 6 am, I had to stop caring. It was my health or my ego.

Health won, and I am glad for what my dishevelled, post-workout appearance suggests these days: she takes care of herself.

Hardship, roadblocks, setbacks, resistance

I wouldn’t wish the death of a loved one, a financial slam-back, a brick wall in the middle of your path toward success or the discouraging, dampening effects of resistance on anyone.

But, personal experience has shown me that exponential growth — deep, abiding, actual change-for-the-better — is often influenced by the degree of difficulty we face. The harder the challenge, the greater the gain in resilience, ingenuity, resourcefulness, character, and faith.

Life shocks are arduous, tough, heavy, demanding, soul-wrenching, and punishing. Pushing past nay-sayers and the reluctant, visionless company we sometimes encounter is also grinding.

And yet, here I am; there you are: still standing and, if we take some time to evaluate, we’re probably standing a little taller and more sure of our footing.

I am grateful for tough times and trying circumstances because they are inherent in life and call on — and show us — our potential.

A full life in a direction I love is what I’m here for. If there are obstacles in the way, so be it. Over, up, around or through, I believe we’re here to make it.

People knowing the truth about me and my family

Photo by Caleb Woods.

The family I grew up in, the family I married into, and the family I’ve co-created all value privacy. Even though there has been a performer or two in the lot, these are not flashy people who have sought or seek attention as a general rule.

In fact, we tend to live routinely and “small” by some standards — avoiding attention, negative or otherwise, and keeping our business to ourselves.

That we have struggled, and continue to struggle, is a fact. Relationship challenges, mental illness, financial devastation, bad decision-making, loss, regular unhappiness, and missed opportunities are some of the difficulties we’ve faced and continue to face.

As a general observation, I think we don’t tend to own up to what’s hard and real even to ourselves, let alone others. Optimism plays a part in this, as does pride: the fear of losing regard or respect motivates a good deal of what we keep private.

I don’t disagree with a family culture of loyalty or cohesiveness. Both serve us well.

What I have actively avoided is letting people know we bleed, too…we bleed, we fight, we cry, we despair, we make large and small mistakes, we sin, we forget, we hide.

This was brought home a while ago when our tendency to present our best-side-only became a public issue. A beautiful young woman who was dating one of our sons was asked, in effect, “What makes you think you’re good enough for their family?” When the story came back to me, I felt sick.

I would rather be known, rough spots and all, for what we do about our challenges (try again, mop up, hang tough, hold on, pray, ask for forgiveness, backtrack, repent, recalibrate, and learn hard lessons) than to be known inaccurately as having it made.

I’m grateful to have arrived at a place where I can be whole and honest about my flawed self a lot of the time.

I am also grateful for the people who know us, inside and out, and still like us. It leaves room to breathe and to be human.

How about you?

I challenge you to explore your own shifted “appreciation landscape.” What are you thankful for now that you couldn’t imagine being thankful for in the past?

The switch from hateful to grateful is a liberation.