Talking About Mental Health in Relationships (Tips and Tricks)
By: Shannon Short
Tags: Relationship Advice, Anxiety, Mental Health, Relationships, Relationships Love Dating

I’ve always been of the opinion that nobody notices the things you don’t like about yourself until you point them out. If you don’t like how far apart your eyes sit, don’t point it out, and the chances are that nobody will notice. That being said, mental health is something that refuses to be ignored. I hate having anxiety. It is one of my least favorite things about myself, and it can be really scary to allow even just myself to hear my own thoughts. Of course, it can be even scarier to share your least favorite parts of yourself with a partner but to have a successful relationship, you simply must, so here are my best tips and tricks.

The first, and most important, rule to successfully navigating mental health in a relationship is to not date somebody who will belittle your struggles. Mental health is hard enough on its own, and the absolute last thing you need is somebody who portends to be your partner and then minimizes your struggles or makes you feel bad for sharing them. You should always be your biggest fan, and your partner should always be a close second. If you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about your mental health, you should strongly consider leaving them. The complexities of mental health must be heard and understood by a partner for a relationship to work. You also never want to be in a relationship where you are on your own fighting a battle, and mental health can oftentimes be a war. If you are going to have a partner, they need to be by your side and cheering you on. Period.

Second, you have to allow your partner the opportunity to show you who they are in the face of your mental health struggles. If you are dating again after a bad relationship, you have to try to not treat your new partner like your old partner. Give them, and your relationship, the courtesy of starting a new relationship without as much behavior from the past as possible. For example, if your last partner belittled your mental health, try to not treat your new partner like they are going to belittle your mental health. If you don’t give them the opportunity to respond in their own way, you are blocking them from a really great chance to improve your relationship and bring you closer.

Thirdly, communicate. If you find you’re treating your new partner like your old partner, communicate to them why you are behaving that way and what insecurities you are carrying from your last relationship (note- this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be actively avoiding this behavior, but make your partner aware of it so they know what is going on too). If you find your partner is making light of a mental health problem you have, tell them why it bothered you and allow them to adjust. Not everyone has mental health issues or experience, some people simply need a bit of a grace period to learn how to respond. This doesn’t mean you should tolerate consistent insensitive behavior, but recognize your partner is human and they are doing their best. If they continue to do something after you’ve explicitly asked them to stop, refer to my first tip. Lastly, give your partner the chance to surprise you with their grace and compassion. I, like most people, was nervous to open up to my partner about my mental health issues. Things were dark for a while, but once I told him what I was struggling with, he could not have been more kind, understanding, and compassionate. This is not to say that I expected less, but with anxiety, I find myself constantly preparing for the worst, and his excellent reaction was a pleasant surprise and comfort to me in a dark time. Don’t be afraid to give your partner the chance to do the same for you.

Finally, struggling with mental health sucks. It is ugly, scary, and isolating. Your partner can be a phenomenal ally for you, and you owe it to yourself and to them to have that relationship strengthened. Don’t be afraid; be firm, be gracious, and be honest.