How to Have Great Phone Sex.
Tags: Sexuality, Dating, Intimacy

Here’s our maudern guide to giving good aural.

Long-distance relationships can be tricky for many reasons, not least of which being that it can be difficult to keep the sexual spark alive. And while the thought of it might make you cringe, phone sex is an excellent way to keep those home fires burning.

Of course, these days we have FaceTime and Skype as our digital wingmen, but it’s sometimes even more exciting to just use your imagination.

It’s all about anticipation.

Especially when it’s not a regular thing, it can be awkward to bring up the topic of phone sex out of the blue. Instead, give your partner a little hint that it might be on the cards via a flirty text telling them you can’t wait to hear their voice tonight or that you’ve been thinking about them all day. Or, since it’s much easier to say something via text, you could even get straight to the point and tell them that’s what you’re planning — that way you both have all afternoon to think about it.

Don’t forget to set the mood.

Even though you can’t be with your partner physically, you can still set the mood to be a little more romantic. Dim the lights, ditch those sweatpants and put on something that makes you feel desirable (unless, of course, sweatpants actually do make you feel sexy), and light a candle for a little bit of ambiance.

You’ve got to get creative.

The more detailed and vivid you are with your descriptions, the more you’ll stimulate your partner’s — and your own — imagination. To make it easier, ask leading questions, like how they want you to touch them, where they want you to put your tongue, etc. Or start with a “confession” about something you’ve always wanted them to do to you and then describe it in detail.

Brush up on your grammar.

Oh, but grammar isn’t sexy, we hear you say? Well, phone sex is a whole lot better when you use active verbs to describe things — suck, twist, stroke, tickle, pull, thrust, lick, caress … you get the picture.

Let the fantasies fly.

Since you won’t need to worry about the actual physical logistics, phone sex is the perfect opportunity to indulge your wildest fantasies. So say, for example, you’ve always wanted to get it on in a restaurant booth, or up against the library stacks — things that, you know, could get you arrested for public indecency. Phone sex gives you the chance to go wild with that fantasy without fear of getting a criminal record.

Try roleplaying.

Not only does location not matter when you’re having phone sex, but you can also take the opportunity to take on a wholly different character with some roleplaying. Whether you’ve always dreamt of getting it on Game of Thrones–style, or you have a hankering for a sexy doctor/patient encounter, sometimes pretending to be someone else can actually make you feel less self-conscious. Roleplaying can also help keep things moving because you have a scenario to follow, rather than just trying to think of things to say off the top of your head. You could begin by setting the scene and describing your character’s personality before moving into the more sordid side of things.

Play it like a game of tennis.

Just as sex IRL should be a reciprocal thing, make sure you take it in turns to do the talking. And like you would in any good conversation, try to respond affirmatively to what your partner is saying. The occasional sigh, mmm-hmmm, moan, or heavy breathing will do — just remember that since they may not be able to see you, you’ll need to let them know what’s working.

When in doubt, just whisper.

Trust us, pretty much anything can sound sexy if you whisper it slowly and keep your voice low (try it now, saying “I’m going out to buy some milk and bread,” and you’ll see what we mean). Of course, you might want to practice it beforehand, so that you feel comfortable with it. Another trick to warm things up is to start by reading a passage from an erotica novel out loud — well, in a whisper — and then transitioning into your own fantasies.

Revisit the past.

Think back to a time when you and your partner had really hot sex — perhaps you joined the mile-high club, or went for a literal roll in the hay at that cute little farmstay in the Hudson Valley. Phone sex is a great opportunity to relive that experience and describe exactly what it was that made it so hot. You can also embellish a little to make it even sexier — after all, it’s your fantasy.

Have fun.

If you’re not used to talking dirty, phone sex can feel really awkward and a little bit cheesy. So just roll with it and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourselves, but be careful not to make fun of your partner’s attempts at it in a way that might make them self-conscious.

Need some ideas for your foray into phone sex? Our beginner’s guide to talking dirty is a good place to start.

Originally published at https://getmaude.com.