When It’s Finally Time to Break Up: 10 Signs Not to Ignore
By: Joe The Bartender
Tags: Breakups, Goodbye, Moving On, Breaking Up, Cheating

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

The dreaded breakup. It’s the worst part about relationships and dating, but oh, such a necessary evil. If you’re on the fence about ending your romantic situation, here are some (FATAL) signs that can help with that decision.

No eye contact — I realized this through firsthand experience. If we’re not making eye contact, then the inevitable end is near. See this as a warning. (No pun intended.) As soon as this starts happening, it’s time to address the drift. Lies become a norm in the relationship — This one is sad. When lies suddenly enter the relationship, or worse, become the norm, it’s definitely time to go. The reason is two-fold: 1-there’s something to lie about and 2-they have so little respect for you they’re lying to your face. Please don’t choose to stay with someone who knowingly lies to you. They don’t care enough to lie — This one is worse than #2 because here they don’t even bother to lie to you anymore. The movie Enough comes to mind, specifically, the scene where Jennifer Lopez busts her husband cheating and he’s relieved and happy about it. Now he doesn’t have to bother hiding it. If you’ve reached this point in your relationship, you probably should have left a long time ago. This person has zero respect for you, which is why they don’t even bother making up a lie to cover their bad behavior. Time to implement that exit strategy. You just know — For all the intuits out there, go with your gut. If your gut (or any other body part) is telling you it’s time to go, it is. If you think about it, it’s part of our most primal processing. We are driven to mate, couple up, etc., which is all an evolutionary push to live and thrive. We come equipped with internal wiring that lets us know the truth — when someone or a situation thwarts this drive— -but we’re often in denial mode when it comes to relationships. Here’s a biological truth: your body will let you know when it’s time to stay and when it’s time to perhaps find someone more evolved. You’ve been mulling this over again and again — Is your astrological sign a Libra? If so, you have my deepest sympathies, because you’ll never come to a decision. But for everyone else, stop bs’ing and pull the plug already. A wonderful tool to help you make that decision once and for all is the concept of the Push Pull Motivation Theory. The theory says that in making a decision/change there is something you’re being pushed away from and possibly something else pulling. Think of it as being repelled/pushed by something vs. being attracted/drawn/pulled toward something else. I used the word possibly earlier because a lot of times we can be pushed away by our situation, but not setup something new for us to be drawn to. We need a carrot on a stick to pull us forward. So why not close your eyes and come up with a visual of what you want to be drawn to (e.g. a healthy relationship, real love, etc.). It could help you make that decision to finally leave what’s been pushing you away. You’re staying to be “nice” — Ugh. Why? Unless the answer is responsibility — yay for sticking around and stepping up, if so — I ask again, why? Staying with someone out of pity can actually be toxic for you and the other person. You’re creating a co-dependent person who will end up with an unhealthy self image because while on the surface things may be okay, neither of your needs for love is truly being met. Worse, there’s no chance to remedy this with a new partner that you do love, because you’re still in the non-working relationship. I’m not saying to be heartless. After all, if you’re staying not to hurt the person then there is certainly care and love there, but if either of you is truly looking for romantic love, this will not fulfill that need. Be nice, be caring, be honest with each other, and if necessary, cut the chord. You’re cheating or being cheated on — The writing is on the wall with this one. If you don’t love the person enough to be faithful then yep, it’s time to break up. This goes for the cheater, but also the cheat-ee. If you’re in a relationship and are cheating or being cheated on, not only is faithfulness on the line, but respect. It ultimately boils down to a lack of love and respect. There’s not enough love to keep the person faithful, and not enough respect for the other person not to cheat. It’s hard to admit this but if I look back on the relationship in which I myself cheated, it’s a very hard pill to swallow that I did not love or respect that person enough not to do it. And I loved and respected that person, I truly did, but clearly not enough. You’re doing worse off than you were alone —“I can do bad all by myself.” Did that just resonate? Then it’s time to go! (The caveat is if you’re married or have some sort of familial obligation. Why? Because coupledom and families come with added responsibilities and a lot of times it is hard, but you have to step up and figure it out. Change is hard. Don’t throw in the towel too quickly…or if you hate each other, do.) If you’re just dating, then congratulations. You can officially Ariana Grande their a$$. “One less problem.” Any sort of abuse — In this day and age we’ve become too aware of the dangers of domestic violence in relationships. It’s a terrible human atrocity and a shame that we as a civilized species even have to deal with this, but alas, we do. If there is any sort of abuse in a relationship then it’s obviously time to go. This counts for verbal, mental, or physical. That said, it’s not that easy and I don’t want to peddle trite advice. But if you are in this situation, it may be worth it to ask yourself for how much longer? How long do you plan on staying in it and how can you plan a way out? You may not be able to get out now, but what about a year from now? You’re the only one in love, or vice versa — This one cuts to the heart of the matter. Do you love the other person or not? If you don’t love the other person, maybe it’s time to go. Does the other person actually love you? If not, it may be time to go. Love is a dance and doesn’t really work if only one of you is feeling the music. Consult Adele for advice on this.

Adele — Melt My Heart To Stone

I hope you’ve found some of these useful. I know it’s not easy to leave a less than ideal situation, but the good news is that if you do, you can actually make room for the love or new situation you want in your life. Easier said than done, I know, but you’ll never get there if you can never walk away.