Give me my flowers!
By: Udochukwu Ikwuagwu
Tags: Pride, Valentines Day, Self Confidence, Love, Motivation

Syke!

This is not a Valentine’s Day special.

But I hope you love it.

Everybody deserves their flowers while they are living and when they are dead and gone. Flowers are nice. They are beautiful. They smell nice. They look nice. Unless you are a Nigerian whose love for flowers have to be carefully cooked in a pot of soup — because the way to a man’s heart is through his belly. Food is our love language. According to psychologists, flowers trigger the dopamine of excitement, and the oxytocin of social trust (sounds like bullcrap, but it gets the people going). Flowers affect our mood. Like a woman promises to change. She tells her partner this Valentine’s Day will be different. He will get a lovely gift on Valentine’s Day. He grins. His face widens with emotions. He mutters: “The days of BYC singlets, thoughtful gifts like ‘10 things I love about you’ rolled up in a glass jar, “I am the best gift” are finally over! The war has been won. He grows excited as the days go by. Everyday is a beautiful day. He counts down. The day arrives.

Boom!

It’s flowers!

He goes from excited to “Olúwa, wetin dey happen?” Flowers affect our mood.

Syke!

This is not a Valentine’s Day special.

Lately, I have been thinking. Thinking about love. A different kind of love. Nigerians love for humility. Nigerians love humble people. Why else do you think journalists keep asking successful Nigerian women if they still wash their husbands’ pants? Nigerians love humble people. Why do you think people were gushing over a picture of Wizkid prostrating when he met a popular Lagos royal? E for no prostrate, make im chop slap like im rival. 3 years ago, I wrote on this love for humility and humble people:

They love to get into their ‘fake humble’ mode while mopping the floor with their culture of ‘too much respect’… [T]hey like to display ‘too much respect’ towards those they consider authority figures or have-made-its or generally to anyone they regard as successful… This same culture of ‘too much’ respect or fake humility rears its ugly head in the relationship between Nigerian employers and employees, or in interactions between ‘big men’ and not-so-known entities, or even between peers. Nigerian writer, Yemisi Aribisala once wrote on this culture of ‘too much’ respect or disrespect, as she termed it: He adds “sir” to the end of every sentence, never looks [him] in the eye, and doesn’t speak unless he is spoken to. Sometimes, he endures berating or verbal abuses from [him], as if he were a child… Nigerians love the rungs of the ladder. Love the fact that people are compelled to know their place, compelled to earn their place by whatever means to suit the context.

Nigerians don’t like people who dare to walk the path of greatness — or mediocrity, who cares? — with their heads up in the skies. They want them to be humble. I fully understand the need to tuck your arrogance deep down where the sun doesn’t shine — I totally get it! I understand how important being humble is, but humility shouldn’t be confused with lazy synonyms. People have forced humility down the throats of Nigerian ’til they choke on their bullcrap. They say they want you humble, but what they want is you subservient. “Yes, Sir!” I understand the power of humility.

Thank you, Kendrick Lamar, for quoting Jeremiah 13:18 on the hit record, “Humble.”

If I quit this season, I still be the greatest…I don’t fabricate it, ayy, most of y’all be fakin’, ayy

Because humility is knowing who you are.

Days ago, Burna Boy, fresh off the Grammy nomination, caught flak from Nigerians watching their brag barometer, putting the pressure on to see that your ego gets deflated from time to time. What the African Giant said was that he’s the best since Fela. Everyone and their dog started writing epistles on how that’s the beginning of his fall. Thread on thread on thread on words on words on how pride goes before a fall. Where were you when Muhammad Ali called himself “The Greatest”?

Touché.

You were not born.

Kanye West, Ibrahimović and Cristiano are three of my favourite people. It’s hard to catch them slipping, saying what the crowd wants them to say. They brag about their achievements and have got big self-confidence, and that’s fine. Nigerians tend to ‘put people in their place’, which is usually a place of no recognition, where someone steals your achievement, takes your shine, wants you having that ‘happy-to-be-here’ disposition.

Remember Divine Oduduru, Mr. “I never experred it”?

Credit: YouTube.

See him now.

Credit: Twitter.

Noticed any change?

Perfect.

Nigeria conditions you to be humble. Not accord any success to your intelligence, hard work, network, family wealth or deft investment. Na why every time a successful Nigerian talks about his/her success, na so so “na God!” One major reason successful Nigerians sound like motivational speakers. Tell me what you did or don’t tell me at all.

There’s no shame in taking your flowers while you’re still alive.

Of what good are eulogies anyway?