How Easy Is It to Change Someone’s Mind?
By: Katie Knight
Tags: Netflix, Psychology, Humanity, Social Media

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Have you watched the Social Dilemma on Netflix yet?

If so, what was your reaction? A mere shrug, and yeah we all know or did you throw your devices out of the house?

I was one of those that threw the phone to the other end of the room. Watching the show I had light bulb moments as to why you see the small dots wiggle when someone is replying to you.

Obvious when pointed out, but. I. had. no. idea.

And now I’m pissed off because all they want is my attention and my being — not much, but time is one thing you can never get back.

Yet what chilled me to the bone more than anything during that documentary was when one of the developers mentioned his fear for the future: a civil war.

Far fetched? maybe, but maybe not.

Take the UK. The UK has a long history of civil wars, the earliest recorded was in 1088, the most recent 1649–51.

Now fast forward to 2020 and we are living the polarity that 24/7 algorithms programmed to drain your attention have produced. They are designed to re-enforce your opinions, keep you in your echo chamber of beliefs and generally keep you feeling you’re in the right.

Perfect for dividing friends, families and nation-states.

Yet I’m old enough to remember when you could be best friends with someone you disagreed with. Now you simply get cancelled and struck from Facebook friendship.

It’s all so clever, and yet so stupid!

An example used in the Social Dilemma to highlight the ways the algorithm pushes you down a rabbit hole was by using the idea that the world is flat. If you believe this and are looking into it, you will get more information to re-enforce that idea. It doesn’t matter if what you are searching for is true or false, you will get more information/fake news to confirm your bias.

Which is crazy, right?

And which leads me to the question, can you change someone's mind in such a divisive world?

I believe we can if we can bring back the art of conversation. Not only can we bring back empathy and understanding this way, but also an agreement to disagree without cancelling out another person; we can bring back the art of a right proper chin wag.

Which is actually enjoyable.

Entered into with the spirit of learning and understanding, exploring others opinions can be an interesting experience.

When was the last time you felt your brain changing gears as it took in new information that challenged you?

When did you last feel it digest, rub up against existing thoughts, beliefs and opinions, and then the breakthrough as you learn something new, becoming humble for a minute, maybe even uncomfortable, growing as a person and see ing the world in slightly different colours?

Harvard University has published an article about changing minds in a business setting, but I believe we can use the ideas expressed for the personal too.

They give a couple of suggestions, it’s a basic 2 ways to do x article, but they start with the suggestion of first finding the root of the disagreement.

The ‘why’ the other person disagrees. And you do this without judgement.

Find out where that other person is coming from, why do they hold that opinion? What is it about the life that has led them to X?

Then they suggest you note the inclusion or absence of emotion.

This to me is the crux of the matter.

We are emotional beings and despite what anyone tells you, they rule the roost. If there are emotional factors driving opinions, then they need to be treated differently to unemotional ones.

If someone is emotional, you can lay all the facts out in front of them and they will very often refuse to see them.

E.g. showing someone they will save money by buying X over Y is a logical, unemotional (most of the time) situation.

Showing someone that doing something in a different way may be better than the way they have been doing it, is not so easy, because there will be emotions invested.

So how do you do it? How do you change minds?

Harvard gives two examples, the cognitive conversation and the champion conversion.

The cognitive conversation is as it sounds, it’s less emotional and is about presenting a strong argument. Using a strong presentation, minimal emotion and relying upon the other person being unemotional and logical. Think back to the idea of X being cheaper than Y.

The champion conversion is more about building relationships. It’s about getting to know the other person, maybe bringing in someone they admire and like to the conversation.

I would add here finding common ground is always a good move, and generally, this is a more long term strategy.

Once you know them well enough, you can have slightly more controversial conversations with them, areas where you may disagree. When you know someone on more than a superficial level, you can communicate with them on a deeper level, and they will hopefully be more open to listening to you too.

Then the real conversations can take place, and perhaps minds are changed.

It is this art that we are losing; the art of the conversation. Included in that art is the art of relationship building, the art of listening, and the art of willing to disagree without hatred because sometimes we can’t change another’s mind, no matter how hard we try.

And sometimes, that’s OK.