Navigating Through the Power of Self-Love
By: Madison Estrella
Tags: Personal Growth, Growth, Self Love, Self, Identity

Navigating Through the Power of Self-Love

What it means to be unapologetically you

Do you ever feel like all eyes are on you, scrutinizing every step and decision you make? Do you feel like you exist to please others and that your fear of letting them down prevents you from being your true, most authentic self?

Living under the watchful eye of society, we grow up building a facade to shield ourselves from the critical and judgemental comments of those around us. We train ourselves to please others in whatever way we can, whether it be through the career path we pursue, the way we present, or even introduce ourselves. By forcing ourselves to uphold their expectations, we become wholeheartedly focused on how we are perceived, rather than how we feel. Consequently, we end up neglecting our Selves.

As author Jodi Picoult has said,

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?”

When we become so dependent on the affirmations of others, we lose grasp of who we are as people; Our happiness becomes dependent on theirs. In a pitiful game of block puzzles, we stretch and hammer ourselves into molds we don’t belong in for the sake of maintaining the love and approval of others.

However, while the love we receive from others may be conditional or inconsistent, one thing’s for sure– we will always have ourselves to love, to hold up, and to support.

Even if you may feel like you’re not enough or have been shamed into obscuring your innermost self, only you know how much you’ve worked to be where you are today. Only you know how you feel given the circumstances you’ve gone through. Life is a personalized experience and what we know best is ourselves.

“Not too many people could walk a mile in your shoes. Only you know your struggles, challenges and obstacles; so be proud of how far you have come.” — Edmond Mbiaka

Although you may be accustomed to picking out your flaws and imperfections, try looking through a different lens– one that’s not coming from a critic’s point of view. Instead, try to become your own friend, lover, and ally. If you’re willing to look back on your life and passions holistically, you’ll hopefully come to realize that you are much more than your shortcomings.

Even if I may not know you personally, it’s very likely that there’s many more outstanding qualities about you than there are “bad” ones– you just have to be willing to step out of the cycle of negative thinking. Instead, work on admiring all of your accomplishments no matter how big or small they are. On top of that, you have to relish your most authentic happiness and determine what makes you happy on your own terms, as opposed to that of others. By learning about yourself, pin-pointing what makes you the person you genuinely want to be, and acting upon your goals, you become your absolute #1 fan, and that’s all that really matters.

There will inevitably be times when we fall short of the expectations that our friends and family can have of us, which can be a blow to our own pride and mental health. However, being human, it’s inevitable that we face failure once in a while. No matter how perfect your families expect you to be, remind yourself that perfection is impossible. When you aim for perfection, especially by other people’s standards, you see everything you can’t do rather than what you can. So with that being said, shift your mindset, pursue your own goals, and be forgiving with yourself in whatever mistakes you may make.

Even if those around you may not have the same ideals or definition of success as you, I encourage you to develop and stick with your own idealization of life– it is your life after all. Live by your own standards of happiness, and don’t let others get you down.

“I learned a long time ago that the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side” — Maya Angelou

While our loved ones typically act out of their love and affection for us, there will inevitably be times where this message may not be expressed in not the most direct way. And in some instances, there may be those who are only willing to give conditional love– as long as you make them happy and live up to their expectations, then you will be loved. This, however, is a toxic form of love, and not one that you should succumb yourself to.

When facing these uncertainties, it becomes especially important to garner a greater sense of self-love within yourself. Thus, you can better your life by distinguishing between those you are willing to work with to become a better person as opposed to those who actively try to change you into someone you’re not.

Admittedly, it is very difficult to nurture self-love. It takes a lot of time, effort, and self-awareness on your end, so other steps that you can take towards building it is surrounding yourself with the right people– those who do support you and love you as you are. Absorb their positive energy and affinity towards you so that you can learn to love yourself like they do, even if they may not be around.

When dealing with these familial and societal pressures, avoid losing a hold of who you are and remind yourself of the importance of self-love. When all else fails, you will be content and proud, so in the end just be unapologetically you!