You Have to Impress Your Subconscious If You Want Affirmations to Work
By: Bridget Webber
Tags: Law Of Attraction, Self Improvement, Mental Health, Affirmations, Psychology

Internal conflict arises when the data in your mind differs from what you say aloud. My friend Connie, for instance, repeats positive affirmations in front of her bathroom mirror.

She looks herself in the eye and says “you have a brilliant memory” and “your confidence grows day-by-day.”

Over lunch on Tuesday, though, she voiced disgruntlement and told me affirmations don’t work.

“Studies show…” but before I finished my sentence, she said:

“Don’t talk about studies! I’m living proof affirmations are useless.”

“Well, I think the opposite.”

She frowned until her forehead wrinkles looked like waves.

“What do you mean?”

I mentioned studies tell us everything you say and think is an affirmation when coupled with emotion, not just affirmations you create on purpose.

“Hang on a minute, everything?”

“Yep. You can tell your reflection you’re confident and happy until the cows come home, but if your words the rest of the day, including those you think, state the opposite they’ll dominate.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure. Your brain accepts what you tell it most often. When you criticize yourself, you create beliefs that don’t serve you.”

“And they are the same as affirmations?”

“Yes.”

“Darn it.”

If my conversation with Connie’s captured your attention, you might wonder how to cut out the negative thoughts and words that take precedence over preferred affirmations. Connie felt the same.

“I’m doomed then. There’s no way I can stop criticizing myself.”

“Maybe you needn’t cut out every negative word to win the war, but make sure the balance tips in favor of positivity.”

“So I can still slip up?”

“I guess. It’s just necessary to produce more positivity than negativity. You know, so positivity tips the scales.”

“I can do that. I think…”

“Remember to add emotion. Only things you think or say with conviction impress your mind.”

She grimaced. “How do I add emotion?”

“The same way you are now. You’re implanting the idea affirmations are difficult; sowing an unhelpful seed.”

“So, have I got this straight? How I feel when I experience thoughts and words has an impact. If I am unemotional, an affirmation doesn’t work? And if I say one thing, but think another, it won’t help me?”

“Correct.”

“No wonder saying positive stuff to my reflection was no good. I didn’t believe it. I thought the words were enough.”

“Yeah, and you had negative thoughts that negated your efforts, anyway.”

“I don’t get it, though. I mean, how can I add belief to an affirmation I don’t believe? When I say ‘I’m confident,’ but I’m not yet, the affirmation won’t work.”

“Hmm. Okay. Think of something you believe in for a moment.”

“Right. I’ve thought of something.”

“What does it feel like?”

Connie looked baffled. “Feel like?”

“In your body. The feeling of confidence in a belief impacts your body. Where is it, and what’s it like?”

“My spine straightens and I seem taller.”

“Anything else?”

“I can breathe better. Straightening my spine has opened my airways.”

“Good. We’re getting somewhere. When you think about a solid belief, your back straightens and you take full breaths.”

“Yes.”

“That makes sense. I’m guessing the topic you’re thinking about makes you happy too?”

“That’s right. Why do you say that?”

“Because joy feels expansive in the body. You open up when you’re happy and restrict body functions when you’re sad. Right! We’ve got information to use now.”

“You want me to straighten my spine and take deep breaths when I say my affirmations?”

“Yes. More than that though. Get in the right frame of mind first too. Think of the same topic you’ve just considered. The one that made you straighten up and feel good. Then do the spine and breathing as you say affirmations.”

“Simple. It sounds doable. What about negative thoughts that pop into my head?”

“There’s no need to make things complicated. Just straighten your spine, take deep breaths and ignore unwanted thoughts.”

“And if I put myself down in a conversation?”

“Do the same thing. Correct yourself. Straighten up. Breathe. Expand your chest and say an affirmation you prefer.”

Connie tells me affirmations work for her now. Interestingly, I learned how to make my own affirmations work too by teaching Connie. Sometimes you learn best by describing how to do something and then doing it.