Do Escorts and Their Clients Ever Fall in Love?
By: Mysterious Witt
Tags: Relationships, Dating, Love, Sex Work, Sexuality

Do Escorts and Their Clients Ever Fall in Love?

The perils of moving sex work into the personal realm and what it takes for such relationships to work.

Do escorts and their clients ever fall in love? In the movies, it happens. The film Pretty Woman was a mainstream hit that mined the trope of the hooker with a heart of gold.

While audiences fell in love with the story of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere’s fairy-tale relationship, was the story realistic? No. And yet, clients and providers do sometimes catch feelings for each other and even fall in love. Yes, this really happens.

However, any time a relationship that begins professionally moves into the personal realm, there will be issues. I should know. As an escort, I’ve had several relationships with my clients.

No, none of these relationships lasted — but I did learn what it takes for a relationship between a client and an escort to go the distance.

Here I will discuss why I believe clients often fall for their providers and why providers sometimes develop feelings for their clients, too. I will also touch on the problems of making these relationships work, and how, if ever, they can be successful.

Why do men fall for their providers?

First off, let’s look at why a client would want to date his provider. Um, why wouldn’t he?

Sex workers are hot. We’re in the business of playing up the beauty of our bodies. We’re also incredibly sexually open.

But more importantly, a man shares a very personal side of himself when he pays a woman for sex. He’s showing her a side of himself that he can’t show many people, if anyone else.

The ability to express these private parts of himself in a shame-free environment is enough to make many men fall for their provider. To believe that a woman is actually turned on by what he’s into (or at least to believe her performance) can prove intoxicating for a man.

Add to the mix the fact that what a sex worker and her client do together is intimate, emotions are bound to factor into an experience even if money is passing hands.

Can men separate sex from love?

I grew up believing that men could separate sex from love while women could not. However, I’ve found quite the opposite is true as a sex worker.

Though I often enjoy the sex I have with my clients, I can have sex professionally without developing any feelings for a man. A client shows up, we have a great session, then he leaves, and I forget about him.

It’s not that I’m a jerk; I’m a professional.

I’m perfectly capable of having sex with my clients and keeping it professional, yet my clients often confuse the sex we’ve had with love.

Sure, I’m often selling the “girlfriend experience.” My job is having relationships.

I’m able to make a diverse group of people, regardless of their background or interests, feel exceedingly comfortable around me. When men encounter this, many of them want more of this feeling.

My clients wonder why we can’t just see each other for free — since we have such amazing chemistry!

They can’t comprehend that there’s a reason I’m so intent on making them feel so special. $$$.

Do sex workers ever fall for their clients?

That said, sex workers do sometimes become smitten with our clients. I remember the first time this happened to me. I had only been working as a dominatrix for a few months when Neil showed up for a meeting.

I was stunned to find myself alone in a room with a handsome man in his thirties, who ran his own company. Neil was straitlaced — a preppy guy. That’s exactly what I liked about him. He was the sort of man I would happily date had we met somewhere else.

It just happened we had met in a paid sex-work session.

Neil didn’t want outright sex but was into bondage. I enjoyed tying him up in different positions on an even deeper level than usual. Nothing romantic ever transpired between us, but the encounter still served to show me that I could develop a crush on one of my clients. We could even date if he was interested in that, too.

The stereotype that all men who buy sex are disgusting, self-hating perverts or misogynistic sociopaths just isn’t the case. The typical client is not an awful guy who can’t get women to have sex with him for free.

He might just happen to have a fetish that “vanilla” women refuse to carry out with him. Or he’s going through a dry spell, relationship-wise. Or he’s recently divorced and looking to explore his sexuality, so he pays a woman to do that with.

Some of my clients are incredibly charming, accomplished, and good-looking. I couldn’t help but begin to find myself attracted to some of them.

The first time I dated a client.

The first time I took the plunge and began a non-professional relationship with a client was with a man named Jaden. Again he surprised me by being incredibly attractive when he showed up to our meeting. Also in his thirties, he was a TV producer.

We hit it off during our session. He was a foot fetishist and I sincerely got off while he was worshipping my feet. A couple of days later, he called to ask if I wanted to go out to eat with him.

I don’t know why I knew that money wasn’t on the table for this meeting — I just did. I was young, and I must admit he swept me off my feet.

We broke up a few months later. Did our relationship end because we’d met as sex worker and client? I remember telling a male friend about Jaden and him telling me that Jaden broke up with me because Jaden could never forget I was a sex worker.

I don’t agree. Jaden and I weren’t right for each other and that’s why it ended. But while it lasted, we had fun.

Can relationships between sex workers and clients last?

But this begs the question, can relationships that begin professionally between a provider and her client ever last? Yes, but with caveats.

For relationships that start this way to endure, both provider and client need to be exceedingly sexually open. They need to be okay with having a non-monogamous relationship at a minimum. A sex worker isn’t going to suddenly quit her job, is she?

A former client needs to be emotionally equipped to deal with this. He needs to support her continuing to work. He can’t get jealous that she’s still seeing other men professionally.

It helps if a man is submissive and defers to what his mistress says. A preferable scenario is also that he has a cuckold fetish. A man with a cuckold fetish sincerely gets off on his girlfriend sleeping with other men.

Or he just has to have an open mind. In this case, a relationship between a sex worker and a client can work.

What dooms these relationships?

And yet, there are many reasons that relationships that begin in a professional context between a sex worker and her client are doomed from the get-go. Take when I started dating a client named Gerald. Again, he was young, cute, smart, and funny. I easily developed feelings for him.

We dated romantically for a few weeks and I was really enjoying my time with him. That’s when he told me he wanted to make an “honest woman” out of me.

Huh?

“You should stop working as an escort,” he said.

I realized he didn’t approve of my job. He wanted to save me from the “horrible life” I’d chosen for myself.

No thanks. I ended the relationship with him.

Let’s face it, jealousy often does become a factor. I understand how a man might feel jealous about dating a woman who’s having sexual relations with other men. But then he shouldn’t date her. That’s why I said being okay with non-monogamy is often a requirement to date a sex worker.

My former client Edward definitely came down with a case of the green-eyed monster when we started to see each other outside of work. Edward was a filmmaker in his forties. We really liked each other, but he couldn’t deal with the fact I still wanted to do sex work.

I had to remind him that we’d met on an escort website, not a traditional dating platform. What did he expect?

Honestly, jealousy is a problem even in my professional relationships with my clients. Even my paying clients sometimes tell me they want me all for themselves.

They become attached to me. Like I said, men have more trouble separating sex from love than we’ve been led to believe.

Why date a sex worker?

Ultimately, it takes a special kind of man to have a relationship with a sex worker. Then again, a sex worker is a special kind of woman.

In a relationship with a woman who does sex work, a man can take advantage of everything we have to offer. A man can talk to us about issues he just can’t talk about with “vanilla” women.

We’re sexual experts. A man can prepare to have his mind blown by a female who has few if any sexual inhibitions. Who wouldn’t want to fall in love with a woman like that?

I’m not saying that love can’t happen between a provider and her client, it just has to happen for the right reasons.

If not, a fantasy should stay that way. Fantasies are fantasies for a reason. They’re better than reality. They were never meant to become real.