How meditation and journaling healed me from my depression
By: Swaranim Sourav
Tags: Meditation, Journaling, Depression, Healing, Self Improvement

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” — Rumi

I had been facing depression, in and out for the last three years. And each time, it occurred because I felt a deep sense of loneliness within me. I had been through a series of bad relationships in the past.

Somehow, I always ended up giving more of myself than what I got in return. And not to mention, this was a major cause for me to feel that pain and angst. I wanted to feel intensely loved by someone. I was so desperate to perceive that passionate, meaningful bond with someone. I had lost my appetite and sleep because of that emptiness within me.

I was not able to find any meaning and purpose to my life. I was hell bent upon this attitude that no one cared what I felt; nobody understood me. I felt this was going to happen to me again and again. I had built this wall around me, where I wanted to let nobody in, as I was too scared to get hurt.

I felt vulnerable and lost without hope. I kept asking God that why I felt that way. Why was I in so much pain? Why this loneliness stayed with me, no matter who I be with?

And then one day, I found my answers.

The universe somehow guided me to the understanding of law of attraction. “ The Secret” had not been such a secret for me. I had come across this book umpteenth number of times during my depression. But I used to toss it off as a bullshit idea. How can someone force themselves to write and visualize good things when they are suffering emotionally?

When we are knee deep in our problems, it becomes so hard to see solutions clearly. We start focusing more on the problem rather than the desired solution. We become super anxious and paranoid, and that is the kind of negative vibration we choose to send out to the universe. No wonder these vibrations become magnified and return back to us continually.

It took me a long time to understand how this entire universe gives us back the exact thing we choose to focus on.

For someone like me, who needed to make a revolutionary change in my thought pattern, it was not an easy change. But I am thankful to the divine for leading me to the right articles, videos and other resources to help myself, when I exactly needed it. My soul was crying out for change. I was so fed up of my negative behavior that I wanted to come out of cocoon and evolve.

I started writing down positive affirmations every day. Initially, I did not even know what to put down. But I still kept journaling about every change that my soul needed. I described it like it was already happening in present. I made it a practice to express my feelings of gratitude towards everything God had given me. I also stressed upon me following my supreme conscious path, and being in touch with my higher self.

Trust me, few months back, I did not even know where I wanted to be. I was clueless about what I was good at. My parents and relatives had molded me so intensely to be like everyone else.

Deep down, I have always known that I am different. I am meant to serve a higher cause, and not be a part of normal race. Perhaps, that was an added cause for my depression. I was being asked to fit in, where I wanted to break boundaries and shine.

Believe me. Within a week or two of writing down affirmations, I could see everything shifting around in my life. I could see the seeds of fruition for my set intentions. That feeling was so miraculous. I started seeing myself with more clarity. I began paying attention to the smaller details around. And my God! How beautiful that felt!

Inexplicably, I kept getting drawn to find myself, and get connected to my greater purpose. My faith in divine, my spirit guides started increasing with every single day.

I was someone who detested meditation. I used to think that it was not meant for me, as I was an over-thinker. My mind could never keep peace. I had assumed that over-thinking was one of my amazing talents.

But this is where I restate. Overthinking is pointless, if it is harming your mental health. There is a thin line between reflection and exaggeration. Reflect on the deeper questions of life, your existence, your job, career, love, whatever that be. Your pick!

Reflection helps you analyze situations wisely. Whereas, overthinking pushes you towards drawing negative conclusions, even though they may not be true.

I have adopted the habit of regular writing in my gratitude journal. Now, I meditate two times every day. Initially, it was hard. I could not sit for meditation for more than ten minutes. But, that was a small step to a long journey.

I did not demoralize myself when I started doing all this. I tried my best to encourage myself to whatever I was being led to by the universe. I knew I was healing emotionally, so i gave myself the liberty to take one step at a time. No rush, okay!

We have a habit of beating ourselves up, when we are not being perfect. What is perfectionism? It’s an illusion. No matter what you choose to learn, you can never be perfect. There’s always something more to learn. And isn’t that the most amazing aspect? The process of how things unfold and the result that follows is transformational.

Writing down affirmations did not cause an overnight shift in my outlook. I had to be consistent with my thought pattern. I chose to write even on days, when things seemed tough to comprehend. I had to boost myself I gravitated towards negativity.

I chose to hold faith and place my trust in divine. I stopped resisting the flow of life. I decided that I’m the only one that can make myself happy. This loneliness I felt was because I was so out of touch with my inner-self. I was being unauthentic because I was trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. Why? Why was I not doing the same for myself?

The amount of love I was trying to pour outside, I needed to give that to myself. How can I water others’ plants, if my own garden is dying?

I am coming from a place where I know what depression and giving up feels like. I’m not trying to preach anything. We all face heartbreaks, emotional vacuum for multiple reasons. But, I absolutely believe that we hold the power within ourselves, to come out of all these inadequacies.

We create our own reality through the thoughts we feed ourselves. After I took the path of meditation, my sense of loneliness started melting away. I knew my purpose in this three dimensional world.

I am still working on myself currently. Whenever I see myself craving for extra love, I make sure that I be the one to pamper myself.

I want to be my own savior and not blame people for who they are. I do not want to feel responsible for what they can offer or not. Meditation has also helped me to understand people on deeper level. Now I understand where their behavior arises from. This keeps me grounded in most of the situations.

I am not saying that I have attained that zen level of mindfulness. But I am working hard on finding my true light, and it keeps getting brighter with every growing day. My intuition has become strong. Whenever I feel stuck or lost, I ask the divine to clear away the negative energies around me and help me be myself.

I am sure my experience would provide you the exact hope you need, to come out of your bad days. Nothing is difficult if you choose to improve yourself, one day at a time. You will know when you really need to leave behind you past trauma and look ahead to a better future. May your life be blissful and blessed.