Why You Should Probably Give Up on Having a “Nemesis”
By: Michele
Tags: Relationships, Success, Careers, Self Improvement, Coaching

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

As we close out the year, we often ponder what we might release or do differently in the new one.

Today, I offer up one suggestion — let go of your nemesis.

Some months ago, I encountered the phenomenon of having a nemesis. Usually in a career setting, it’s an individual that another person monitors closely and secretly competes with. This strikes me as unhelpful for several reasons, a few of which I’ll talk about here.

The first reason is that it objectifies another person.

The second is that it leads us to draw our source of inspiration from without instead of within.

As to the first point, most of the discussion I’ve encountered about one’s nemesis is done in this vaguely hostile, objectifying way. That is, the nemesis doesn’t exist other than as a source from which to draw some feeling from.

This has the potential to cause so. much. harm. On the other side of one’s fantasy is — most likely —a person with real struggles and pain. In other words, a human.

So while one covets someone’s outside success, they may be completely disconnected from considering the individual’s inside world. That is, empathy and compassion are absent.

It may be easy to fall into this habit. Negative competition has its allure as well as a central place in our culture. Most of us have been conditioned to look to the outside for cues on how we might live.

A lifetime of doing this, however, takes us further away from what we really want.

Which underscores the second reason why you might let go of your nemesis: the act of fixating on another person draws your attention outward instead of finding motivation from within.

This might be more challenging, sure. But, finding your inspiration from within causes far less harm to you and others.

Less harm to you because you aren’t distracting yourself from, well, yourself through another person.

And less harm to others because you aren’t objectifying a person who you don’t really know.

That’s the reality: you can probably never know someone that receives that much of your envy. Your mind has dressed them in a magnificent costume. Reality is probably far less exciting.

Ultimately, I understand that there is a level of non-seriousness in this term. But, also, a sharp level of truth. And to that truth, I respond that this is a potentially unhelpful way to find one’s motivation.

So instead of pacing in the shadows monitoring your nemesis to see how you might live your life even better, do something harder: look at yourself. Here are some tips:

Think about what really has you fixated on this person.

Think about what traits you think the person possesses and consider your potential to acquire those traits too.

Be honest — send them a message of gratitude or respect.

And if these fail, listen to Normani. She’s offering to be your motivation — accept the offer. :)

This post is a shorter version of a longer story, “5 Career Beliefs We Need to Be Rid of,” which can be found here.

Michele writes on several topics, including career. For more recent writings and ideas, check out her Patreon page here.