What I Wish I Knew In My 20s That Would’ve Improved My Life Forever
By: Anthony J. Yeung
Tags: Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Life, Inspiration, Personal Development

If you’re in your 20s, I envy you. Because I’m going to share 10 lessons that made the biggest impact on my life—the things I wish I knew that would’ve saved years of wasted effort, wondering “what if,” failing needlessly, and following the wrong path that others forced on me.

And if you’re beyond your 20s, don’t worry: These lessons will still make a big difference in your life. Here they are:

1. What You Demand From Life, You Must Demand From Yourself

“As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.” — Gandhi

Want an extraordinary life? Do extraordinary things.

Want ambitious friends? Become an ambitious person.

Want an attractive partner? Do what you can to become more attractive.

The best way to get what you want in life is to create it from within first.

Many people, however, have life backward. They want a bunch of great things — and there’s nothing wrong with that — but they don’t put in the effort to create it. For example, they’ll say they want their dream job, but they won’t do anything to improve their skills, practice their interview questions (or even videotape themselves), or ask for advice.

When I was in my early-20s, I wanted to have an extraordinary life. But living at my Mom’s house, working a job I hated, and hanging with aimless friends was nothing I’d consider “extraordinary.”

Now? I run a business while traveling the world full-time — that’s a bit more interesting, and my life has followed suit.

Be the person you want to be, and you’ll have the things you want to have.

2. Take Ownership Of Your Life

When I was 20, I was full of excuses about why I struggled: It was the economy, my school, my height, my race, etc. But the more excuses I made, the more I empowered them—it made me a victim, drained my energy and power, and created a lot of unhappiness and resentment.

One of my most liberating discoveries was realizing how much control I have over my life. If I don’t like where I’m at, I can change it. If I don’t know something, I can learn it. If I’m not doing something, I can do it.

Sure, things happen outside my control, but everything in my control, I can take full ownership, which creates a feeling of empowerment. Even if I’m struggling with something now, I can get better and improve my life with more practice and effort.

3. Don’t Out-Willpower Your Environment

Benjamin Hardy, the author of Willpower Doesn’t Work, explained how your environments shape and determine your future, not your “willpower:”

“It’s easy to predict where people are going in their lives. Your environment reveals you, both to yourself and to other people. Perhaps the clearest indicator of your internal identity is your external environment. If you are comfortable in certain environments, what does that say about you?”

So look at your “environments” around you. Your friends. Your home. Your lifestyle. Your routines. Your nutrition. Your city. All of these things reflect your current level, but they also keep you at your current level. There’s a ceiling to all of them; once you reach it, that’s it.

You cannot out-willpower your environment. If you want to change, you have to change your environment first. Then, once you align them with what you want, and you’ll have to adapt, improve, and become a different person because of it.

For example, look at your social circle: Nothing will influence your life more than the people you surround yourself with. And if you’re around negative, unhappy, and unambitious people, they will bring you down to their level no matter how hard you try.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” —Jim Rohn

Be selective with your friends. Do they want more out of themselves and their lives? Do they push you forward? If someone is a negative influence, find ways to distance yourself. It might sound selfish — especially if they’re family members — but after following this rule for over 10 years, I can promise you it will be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.

4. Take The Leap

When I was 21, I wanted to move to Taipei, Taiwan. I couldn’t find any jobs from afar so I just decided to get a one-way ticket and make it happen—that led to seven incredible months and memories I wouldn’t trade for the world.

That’s when I learned a powerful life lesson: It’s better just go to where you want first and then just figure it out as you go.

Many people want to try something different, yet because of their fears, they just stay where they are and endlessly wonder what could’ve been. But by taking the leap, you’ll have already crossed off one of your goals. You’ll open doors that were impossible until after you started.

Taking risks also transforms your posture; you go from “hoping to succeed” to “doing whatever it takes to succeed.” You are now the person you want to be. You’ve burned the ships. You’re fully committed. There is no going back. And people can see the fire in your eyes and will admire your story.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” — William H. Murray

What’s the leap you’re considering? Moving? Switching careers? Starting a business? Even if it doesn’t work, at least you know now instead of going your entire life never knowing (something the vast majority of people will never experience).

5. Use Less Social Media

There are several important reasons why you should cut the time you spend on social media to thrive in your twenties:

First, it can make you depressed and unhappy with your life.

Generally, people only share the best things in life. There’s nothing wrong with that, but as Dr. Meg Jay wrote in The Defining Decade, people start to feel unhappy with their own lives in comparison and say things like, “My life should be more like on Facebook.”

Rather than focusing on your own life, there’s a tendency to focus more on other people’s lives, draining you of energy that could be better spent achieving your dreams.

Second, limiting social media gives you more free time to actually accomplish things.

Regardless of their age, people often say they wish they had more time to travel, read, exercise, learn a language, spend time with loved ones, etc.

Yet the average person spends 2 hours and 24 minutes every day checking social media.

Something doesn’t add up. Cut out all social media for one week and see what happens. What will you do with your extra two-plus hours each day?

Third, posting too much encourages the wrong motivations.

While there are good things about social media, there’s a tendency to use it to seek approval, which can make people feel depressed and unhappy. “How many likes did I get? How many people commented? Etc.” But it’s hard to stop seeking approval if they spend so much time doing things to actively seek it.

Does everything we do need to be shared with the world? Maybe we should ask ourselves why we want to share it in the first place. Validation? Praise? Likes?

Step off this cycle of seeking approval and be free. Stop checking social media so often, and stop trying to “announce” things. Do more things for yourself and keep more news to yourself — it’ll make it easier to live the life you want.

6. Learn To Be Happy Alone

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” — Robin Williams

I used to be so afraid and embarrassed to be alone in public that I would hide or pretend I was doing something else. But I wasn’t alone; a lot of people are terrified of being by themselves.

Yet the fear of being alone is a chain: It means we need others for our happiness, which forces us to cling and do things we normally wouldn’t do.

For example, a study found that the fear of being single is a strong predictor for “settling for less” in relationships. In this case, the fear of being alone makes them pick the closest person rather than the correct person.

You might also find yourself spending time with people you don’t really like so that you can go out on the weekends and not be alone. (I know the feeling.)

But there’s an incredible liberation when you can do anything you want without finding a partner. Rather than looking to others as a source of your happiness — or as a way to avoid the discomfort and anxiety of being alone — you actually bring your own happiness, which can lead to more-fulfilling friendships and relationships.

This way, you can consciously choose the people you enjoy rather than clinging to the ones that selected you, and you can even let go of people, friends, partners, etc. without fear.

And that creates freedom.

7. Accept That You Are Good Enough

Self-improvement is a double-edged sword.

On one end, it helps us gain new skills and abilities to live a life of higher potential. We can build more value, contribute more value, create deeper relationships, and handle life’s ups and downs with more peace of mind.

On the other end, however, it can subtly teach us we’re not good enough, that we’re never good enough, that we need to strive for an impossible (and unhealthy) level of perfection, that success is always beyond our current level, that we need to prove our worth through “achievements,” and more.

Surprisingly, some become unhappier after self-help than before it.

Here’s what I’ve learned after over a decade of my own “personal growth” journey: Self-improvement doesn’t make you a “better” person.

After all, does that mean you’re “better” than everyone who never picked up a self-help book? Does that mean you were “worse” a person before self-help than after? Of course not.

Nothing makes you a “better” person. Because you are “good enough” already.

In life, sure, I can learn better communication skills, become more tolerant, become more patient, and more. But no amount of “doing” will make me feel “good enough.” I’ve come to learn that all of us have innate worth and value—and as we go in our journey, it’s important to never lose sight of that.

8. Do Things Faster

“Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.” — Tim Ferriss

Most people wait too long to get started. I know people who’ve wanted to start a website and online business for years — and they still haven’t. But if they just did it years ago, they’d be done by now and can move on to the next thing they want.

Instead, they paused their life; everything in their life got pushed indefinitely.

If you have an idea, just go for it.

Don’t wait 10 years to “write a book,” “take a trip,” “start a business,” etc. Just take the first few steps now and stop thinking about it — even better, once you do it, you’ll learn a ton of things you couldn’t have possibly learned otherwise, which will help you for the rest of your life.

9. Focus On Fewer Goals

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” — Tony Robbins

The biggest reason why most people aren’t successful is that they don’t have a goal.

But the second biggest reason is that they have too many goals.

For example, they’re trying to start a new business, learn Spanish, play the drums, lose weight, learn the tango, travel to South America, read 100 books, and rock climb — all at once. As a result, they spread themselves too thin and don’t make real progress in any goal.

It seems honorable to have a schedule where every minute is packed, but it really isn’t. There’s no prioritization. There’s no focus. There’s no direction.

“Success isn’t that difficult; it merely involves taking twenty steps in a singular direction. Most people take one step in twenty directions.” — Benjamin Hardy

Inspired by this article about Warren Buffet’s advice, I created 25 life goals and picked the five most important ones. But here’s where the magic happens:

I can’t touch the other 20 goals until my top five are completed.

This creates focus. This creates clarity. This eliminates feeling “overwhelmed.” You know where you’re going, you know what’s important to you, and all your energy can be concentrated on this handful of things.

It might be humbling to say goodbye to many of your life goals, but just know that by doing so, you’re actually going to move forward and take steps in a clear direction, which is something many people will never experience.

10. Invest In Yourself

“Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it, earns it. He who doesn’t, pays it.” —Albert Einstein

The more I’ve spent on personal development, the more I’ve succeeded.

It’s vital to constantly learn and educate yourself because you cannot possibly know everything yourself. As Will Smith once said, “There are no new problems;” at some point, someone found the answer to your current issues and wrote about it in a book.

“If you haven’t read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate, and you will be incompetent, because your personal experiences alone aren’t broad enough to sustain you.” ― Jim Mattis

But personal growth isn’t just books and courses — sometimes it’s taking a trip, betting on yourself, improving your mental and physical health, learning new skills and hobbies, or just trying something different.

Also, invest in the traditional sense. There’s plenty of math to show if you start saving in your 20s versus your 30s, you will make hundreds of thousands of dollars more by the time you retire.

While some think you need to make a lot of money before you can save, save now even if you’re flat broke and making a shitty paycheck — just save a few dollars and exercise your muscles. Learn to save. Put it in a bank. Invest in the stock market. Buy real estate. Whatever. Just invest in something and let time take care of it.

If you use your 20s (and even your 30s) to create things, build wealth, learn things, and invest in your mind and body, you reap the rewards for the rest of your life.