I am 40. I am pregnant. And I feel fantastic.
By: Lisa Daly
Tags: Birth, Women Health, Baby, Motherhood, Pregnancy

I am in no way an expert in pregnancy; I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I find I am amazed every day with the new sensations, facts, and updates I learn. What I am an expert in, is my own experience of being 40 and pregnant, and it is undeniably nothing like I expected.

When thinking of conceiving at the age of 39, I did some research, which involved a google search that brought me into a world of fear and negativity. From statistics that showed how hard it would be to get pregnant to how being an older parent is exhausting to being called a “geriatric pregnancy.” I was blown away by the world of articles on conceiving, and the overwhelming sense that this was not going to be an easy, nor enjoyable, process.

My husband Mark and I were married in July of this year, and as we went on our honeymoon in our joyfully blissful bubble, conceiving was not on our minds. Had we discussed having children? Absolutely! Had we planned on beginning to try later in the year. Yes! But that would be after I downloaded many monthly tracker apps, invested in body temperature kits, and we both buckled in for a long and tedious process of monthly pregnancy tests and constant disappointment. That’s what one possibility could have been, and from the online reading I had done, it seemed a very likely part of the process for us. After all, I was 39 and considering having my first child. Although the timing to me felt right, I was inundated with articles and opinions of fear about how I waited too long, it wouldn’t be easy.

Mark, age 43, was always so positive about us conceiving, and never let the idea of it being difficult become a reality for him. He just knew when it was right, it would happen easily and in our own perfect way, just as other things in our life had worked out. When I breathed deep and felt connected to myself, I felt an overall sense of wellness and peace around conceiving, but unlike Mark, I couldn’t stop those statistics from creeping into my mindset.

I was sure that I was meant to be a mother, or a mother figure, in some way or another. I have endless love for my 2 nephews, and my friends’ children, and knew it was what I wanted one day. I was always open to options, whether it was IVF, or adoption, or fostering — for me everything was on the table.

It was to our surprise, and giddy delight, that two weeks after our honeymoon we found out we were pregnant. What? But what about what all the articles I read? What about all the statistics that were against me solely because of my age? An article in Today’s Parent explained, “ According to OB/GYN and reproductive endocrinologist Beth Taylor of Olive Fertility Centre in Vancouver, only about 50 percent of women age 40 to 43 will be pregnant after a year of trying, compared to 80 percent of women under 40. “Your odds are certainly declining at 35, but by 40 they really start to plummet,” she says.”

( https://www.todaysparent.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/getting-pregnant-after-40/)

This was my first glimpse into a whole world of what I felt was false information that creates fear and stress for women, and the beginning of a journey where I found myself questioning so much information that is circulated around pregnancy and age.

Through this journey, I have experienced awe and wonder, frustration and anger, and a slow building of confidence in really trusting myself and my instincts. And I would not change a second of it.

Because of my age, and also because of a pre-existing congenital heart condition I was diagnosed with two years ago — hypertrophic cardiomyopathy — I am considered high risk. Not to mention we conceived in Mexico, having given no thought to Zika, which also moved us up the ladder of high risk. I have had many tests and scans, many of which I struggled with deciding if they were right for me. Genetic testing — how much did I want to know about what Mark and I may have a 25% chance of passing down to our children? We decided to pass on that one. We did take the Natera Panorama noninvasive prenatal screening test (NIPT) which would tell us if our baby had a genetic disorder, such as Down’s Syndrome or other Trisomy’s. After I gave blood for this test, I suddenly felt fear and panic set in. The nine days waiting for the results were the longest period of concern for me. I had such a feeling of well being about myself and the baby, and this was a lesson in letting those outward forces enter my inner world of well being. Any tests that we have subsequently been offered, I make sure to ask if they’re mandatory, and when possible Mark and I opt out. I absolutely want to make sure that my baby, and myself, have the best medical care, but for me, filtering through what is smart for our health vs. what is a fear-based test in which the results have no bearing on the path of the birth of our child, has become important to me.

Turning 40 during my 4th month of pregnancy was empowering and wonderful. I feel strong and healthy, and that I can do anything. Unlike so many articles I have read, my age has not had an effect on my experience at all. Perhaps it’s actually made it better as I am in a place where I am so ready for this next experience in life, I am confident in myself, my job, my financial situation, and my whole heart loves this baby already without hesitation or fear. I have lived abroad for 12 years in Ireland, traveled all over Europe, had many jobs and career paths, and countless adventures, friendships, and love stories. Having found my true life partner in Mark, I am more ready for this experience than I have ever been in my life, and I know the timing is absolutely right.

This is not to negate any woman’s experience where there have been challenges in conceiving and in pregnancy. I have many friends who have a variety of experiences, and I do understand the physical and emotional struggles many women go through. From infertility issues to miscarriages, the stress and pain that can be involved with conception and pregnancy are very real. In my experience, I want to offer a possible alternative example — one which I believe I share with many women, but for some reason, the fear statistics seem to win out when hearing stories of new mothers over the age of 40. The idea that age is such a limiting factor is often false, and new data is slowly starting to catch up to the reality of later pregnancies.

According to an article in The Telegraph, “Over-40s are the only age group with a growing pregnancy rate for the first time ever, new figures show.” Women are waiting longer to have children, and this increase in pregnancy rate in over 40’s will soon add to the data that is currently out there.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/03/27/older-mothers-rise-over-40s-become-group-rising-conception-rate/

Many women have shared their experiences with me, from morning sickness to aches and pains, to weight gain and judgemental doctors, to the pain of labor. Being pregnant brings out a want to share personal stories. I did indeed have morning sickness for the first 14 weeks, and it has not been all roses and sunshine. But, I feel strong and empowered, and in wonder of what is happening in my body. I love watching my belly grow, and my body change. Through this incredible experience, there is no room for body shame or hatred; I have never loved my body more. I am lucky that I have a practice of doctors that are supportive and always have a relaxed attitude. Weight, which seems to be of big concern in so many ways, whether it’s gaining too much or too little, has not been a topic they have focussed on. For the most part, either has age. One Dr. even celebrated my turning 40 and called it a rebirth for myself. I’m lucky that I find myself surrounded by many positive outlooks. Because of my heart condition, I am monitored closely, and I get frustrated at the number of extra tests I need — Echocardiograms, 24-hour heart Holter, stress test, etc. I do appreciate the care and detail in which the Dr.’s are monitoring me, but sometimes the tests get in the way of my sense of well being, and I just want them to get out of my path. All the results have been, “Everything looks great.” Which I already know, because I feel great, and I did not need a complex test to confirm it for me. In books and Apps that I have read, there is sometimes a tone of sarcasm that drives me crazy and I tend to block out — hinting at the next symptoms to come. “ And just wait for the heartburn to set in! Another joy of pregnancy.” I find these types of comments unamusing and unhelpful. Yes, some women experience that. But maybe not me. Maybe I won’t have any of those symptoms and I’ll continue to feel great. That is also just as likely an option and one I choose to focus my energy on. I have learned so far during this pregnancy how important it is to listen to the voice of my higher self, to really dig deep and check in with my intuition, and to create a sort of forcefield around myself. All those messages of fear and negativity can then simply bounce off. I am a big believer in manifesting my life’s experiences, and perhaps this outlook has played a part in my pregnancy. I awake every day grateful for my body, my baby, and all the love and wellness I feel, and I expect to feel good each day.

If you are someone who is hearing and reading messages of fear and scary statistics, do not let that deter you from what you want. If motherhood is something you would like to consider, don’t let an age number be the deciding factor for you. There are so many women in their 40’s having babies, and having healthy pregnancies. The pressure we feel about what to do with our lives, and in what timeframe, is overwhelming. Only you know what’s right for you — whether it’s not having children, waiting to a later age, being a working mother or stay at home mother, breastfeeding or not breastfeeding — women are faced with an enormous amount of judgment and guilt. You are the only expert on you, and you do not have to make life decisions based on anyone else. Listen to that loud voice of intuition and follow your own path, anything is possible.