Covid19 Is A Blessing For My ADHD Child
Tags: Schools, Covid 19, Parenting, Education, Adhd

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

My son has ADHD. And no, it’s not fake. No it’s not that I don’t beat him enough or don’t take the time to parent him.The boy is wired slightly different than you or I. The difference on one hand, makes him incredibly fun, but on another can make him a danger to himself. He’s been tested 3 times and times the results have been the same. He scores especially high, or poorly on impulse control and activity level. He’s moving a lot and quickly. He doesn’t stop to take the time to think about the consequences to his behavior. He’s 17 years old. For the past 10 years, according to Facebook, he’s gotten into a fight during the spring at school. It’s actually 11. The first time it happened, he beat down a child who was a known bully. The principal acknowledged the child was often the aggressor and since my son had never done anything like that before, she gave him a pass after explaining that we don’t use our hands to teach a lesson.

Spring is also the time for our yearly IEP meeting. An IEP, for anyone with neurologically average children, is an Individualised Education Plan. Children requiring specialized education help, have an IEP. We review how he’s done for the year, what I feel needs to be in place for him to succeed and we set goals for the next year. I was able to request allowance for additional gym class for him because he needs more movement in his day, for example. IEP meetings can be very upsetting for parents. I often come out feeling like a failure, like I can’t or haven’t done well as a mom. As he’s grown, I’ve come to realize that much of his success or lack thereof, depends on him wanting to succeed. I can’t force it on him. It has to come from him. Thus far it hasn’t. My fear for his future constricts my throat and causes my heart to beat wildly in my chest. Although our own egos are wrapped in the success of our children, I fear for him a future with low paying, demeaning work where his intellect is meaningless. The child struggles with grades but is incredibly bright. His social worker thinks he’d be an amazing attorney. He would. He can argue himself out of pretty much anything.

Covid19 turned out to be a blessing in disguise for him. School ended prior to his yearly fist fight , so that was nice. Once the initial shutdown happened, we still thought we’d finish out the year. So he used the time home to turn in some projects that were late. In order to grade, because we finished the year in March, the school implemented a pass fail policy, no grade point. Either the child has the grade they ended with or they can use this time for online learning. We held his IEP virtually, which was far less stressful than the in person style. And due to school ending early and students needing to make up credits they’re offering free online credits. A half credit is normally seventy dollars online. My child is highly money motivated. Prior to this happening, he was informed that he had to pay for his online credits. He learns everything the hard way. Natural consequences are his best teacher. The idea that he has the chance to keep more of his money and graduate on time has helped motivate him to do the work. He started his first half credit online and should be done in a few days. He has a high B right now and is further along than most people who started with him. Every night after spending a little time working he comes out feeling accomplished and happy.

“I do so much better when I don’t have a teacher breathing down my neck.” I think part of his enjoyment is his ability to listen to music rather than stare at a talking teacher. His tapping and movement aren’t a problem for the rest of the class. And without other students around him, he’s not holding conversations and getting in trouble for making people laugh when they should be listening. I see his confidence in his intellectual ability rising. He realizes that his poor grades and all the years of fellow students calling him stupid, were a side effect of his learning style being different than that of a boy sitting still in a desk. I know better than to count my chickens but I am optimistic that Covid19 has been a blessing for my ADHD son.