STAR WARS’ PROBLEM WITH WOMEN
Tags: Star Wars

George Fuckin Lucas. What a fat bitch. It’s no secret he has issues with women. This is why Star Wars is riddled with anti-female subtext. Hell, the only reason it exists is because Lucas couldn’t get pussy. Card carrying member of I.N.C.E.L. No one who gets laid would ever invent Twi’leks, lightsabers, or kissing their sister. Do I even have to mention the whole “killing evil Black dad” plot point? This unconscious resentment has poisoned every one of the films. Staining Disney’s legacy.

Just look at the names. Princess Leia, Padme, Holdo, Jabba. These are the names Lucas gives to ‘his’ women. Alien? Or dehumanizing? Meanwhile, the males get normal names like Luke, Lando and Chewbacca. Also, Luke? Lucas? Didn’t know you wanted to commit terrorism and bang your sister, Georgie-boy. Did George have a Black stepfather who choked him? Just another uncomfortable question Lucas has forced into our minds. However, Lucas is not the only Sith here. The fans are dark sided.

It’s no secret. This has been known since the beginning. In Revenge of The Nerds, named after The Revenge of The Sith, there’s a scene where one of the nerds and a jock are attending a fair separately. Coincidently, they are both dressed as Darth Vader (Kylo Ren’s closeted grandfather). The jock leaves his girlfriend for a bit. Perhaps to reflect on how he can be a better ally. Then the nefarious nerd in the duplicate Darth Vader outfit approaches her. He silently leads her to one of the attractions.

She thinks her boyfriend is being playful. Not realizing this is a completely different person. The nerd performs oral cunnilingus on her. Only revealing who he truly is after she climaxes. That’s assault. This is a subtle nod to the fact that Star Wars fans are rapists. Brave social commentary with an unfortunately timeless message. Even in the 80s we knew Star War fans have a 50/50 chance of being Caucasian ISIS. It is so bad that the premiere of Return of The Jedi had armed guards that gave out free revolvers to all female identifying fans.



This is as true now as it was then. Just look at the latest films. Flawlessly written and directed space operas. Acting on par with Lawrence Olivia. Progressive fetishes.

This got me so hard

Yet, half the fan base is not only ungrateful. They are vitriolic. They can’t stand Rey because she’s a woman. She’s a character too complex for bigots. They want her to be a quiet damsel that does nothing like the submissive and naggy Leia. She’s not even a character. That’s what star wars fans want. Just look at what they celebrate.

The most popular Star Wars product currently is The Mandolorian. It’s about a space cowboy struggling to be a single father to a gender ambiguous magic goblin baby. Do I even have to say it? One: it erases the struggles of single mothers. Two: represents nonbinary people with a non human that can’t take care of themselves. Three: Cowboys were named after their pastime of assaulting cattle. Cattle which often had more legal protection than individuals with cervixes. Yikes. There’s no plot whatsoever, or women for that matter, but MANdo and his bro Cara Dune blow things up. Star Wars is saved from the clutches of the feminine spirit and social progress.

Why did Disney even bother saving this franchise?