6 Steps To Forgive And Move On Peacefully
Tags: Self-awareness, Self Improvement, Relationships, Forgiveness, Anger

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Step 2:

Another way you can let your emotions out is to write them out. If you don’t feel like sharing your trouble with anyone, you can choose to write it out. You may notice that you become more emotional as you write. Don’t fret. It’s all part of the process. In fact, studies have shown that those who suppress their feelings tend to only be successful for a short period of time and risk feeling worse after the initial suppression doesn’t work anymore. However, those who confront their feelings are able to deal with their emotions more effectively. Confronting your emotions may make you feel a bit worse in the beginning but later on, one would be able to deal with the same emotional trauma a lot more effectively and it would also elicit a less emotional response from them later on. The difference here is the controlled release of emotion vs waiting for it to erupt.

In your journal or your conversation you should write down or talk it out why you’re upset, what did this person do that made you uncomfortable? Why does this bother you?

It’s okay to not know all the answers. It takes practice to understand yourself and why you do the things you do and it’s important to take that first step.

Step 3:

After you give it some time, let it go. I know it may be hard but consider this the best revenge possible. You are at the place to offer forgiveness and pardon. You shouldn’t punish yourself for someone else’s mistake. Being angry takes your energy away and may even shed some days off of your lifespan. I’m not kidding. It’s not good to be angry for a long period of time. Imagine a rope that you’re holding on, on the other side it’s this person. I don’t know about you but when someone makes me mad, I don’t want to be associated with them or be near them physically or psychologically. So, let it go.

Let go of that rope connecting you. Let whatever they did fall down into the abyss below. They are done. Their drama in your life is now over. You’re done. Take a breath of relief.

Step 4:

Take some time to engage in other activities and other people. Send a message to that friend you haven’t talk to for a while. Make sure you enjoy life.

Whoever this person is that made you so upset, they don’t own you. They don’t control you. They can make you angry and upset for a while because you’re only human but they can’t control how you respond to the scenario.

Be as happy as you can. Live your life as fully as possible. It’s done.

Whatever happened in the past can’t be changed but you can determine how your future pan out.

At some point, you need to step out of the victim circle. Don’t think of yourself as a victim. Think of yourself as a free person. Don’t tie yourself too closely with the incident. Because you don’t want the incident to define you.

There are millions of other things that you can associate with that can better define your quality. The past is the past. Let it go. It’s not worth it. Whatever they did isn’t worth your attention anymore.

Step 5:

Look back at the incident with hindsight now that you aren’t as emotional anymore.

Now that you forgave this person. Do you see a pattern?

Does the same thing keep happening again and again? Do you recognize how this person affects your emotions whenever they are around? Do they do something in particular that you dislike?

Sometimes we live the same pattern over and over again. It’s the same trigger that got you into the same mess.

Maybe this person always try to make you feel small and disrespected whenever you start sharing random facts about history. Then, you can maybe realize that this person feels threatened whenever you touch on a topic that they have a wide array of knowledge in. Maybe this person is feeling inadequate in other areas of their life and the only thing they do well is regurgitating historical facts and when you touch on their territory, they understandably become frustrated. You get the idea.

Recognize the pattern. It may happen again and again. So you know what to watch out for. You should also try to understand their perspective. Does it make it okay for them to act the way they did? Of course not. There are millions of excuses one can make to try to convince you that the horrible thing they did was justifiable. It doesn’t make it okay even if they gave you an explanation. But you can, however, forgive more easily if you understand where they are coming from.

Step 6:

Acknowledge that you forgave but don’t forget. There’s a reason why we say don’t let the same flame burn you twice.

Once you learn your mistake, calibrate your actions. If you can prevent the same incident from happening again and again perhaps you should try to avoid that. The burden shouldn’t fall on you either. Think about where you’re at.

If you’re a boss with a disgruntled employee who always lashes out at the customer and loses you a lot of sales. Maybe there are no steps you can calibrate to avoid their anger outbursts. It’s important to forgive so you don’t let the negativity get to you but it’s also important to not forget the lesson you learned.

It may be necessary to change how you approach this person entirely. You may never trust this person full-heartedly again.

It is not selfish if your relationship never returns to the way it was before because you are unwilling to. This is simply to protect you from the same thing over and over again.

And in the case of the boss and the disgruntled employees, maybe it would be time to let them go.