i believe Allah will judge me based on how i respond to suffering
By: Amelia Noor-Oshiro
Tags: Spirituality, Capitalism, Trauma, Muslim, Islam

i believe Allah will judge me based on how i respond to suffering Amelia Noor-Oshiro Mar 25·5 min read

this is my buddhist/muslim inspired trauma training at work

its no secret that i have a very hard time trusting men. but i think even i was ignorant of the extent to which this ran. and it ran deep. ohh, so, so deep.

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i met my first trauma-informed therapist on some date in february 2019 i believe. the 22nd i believe., but im not sure. his name was mohammad and thats what i called him. i called him exactly like how its spelled, mo-ham-mad. like how white people say it. that definitely helped set him apart in my mind from what i knew was going to be inevitable mindfuckery (this is one of the rare instances where i apologize for the brash nature of my cursing, so be forewarned, cuz where there’s trauma talk, there’s potty mouth with me).

..and this minfuckery looked like this: he’s a short-statured, light skinned, santa claus look alike, which i’ve actually said to him a couple times and it was met with a sardonic chuckle. he’s astute behind his rimless crystal clear rectangular eye lensframes. his beard was literally never a hair out of place. it was as if he earned the “immaculate” badge whenever he stepped foot outside every morning. he always wore a suit, very crisply sat on in his traditional furniture second hand chair in his office which itself was a jungle of recluse beyond my wildest dreams. i do believe every therapist office should like like his in some version, because there were literally plants breathing around me and i’ve even had long dreams where i’m still sitting in his office, weeping my heart out, crying each breath along with my plant friends around me.

so, mohammad is a persian, a very proud one at that, and quite revealed to be a narcissist, but that doesn’t make him a bad human being. it just means that there is still some self awareness that he needs to work through. and because he had not yet worked through his own, i found it hard to work through it myself, so in the end, i parted ways with him when i realized there just wasn’t any growth left there anymore.

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what makes trauma informed therapy such a bright idea is its inherent nature to change the way we treat trauma, to treat illness, to pathologize human emotion, and, of course, to continue the legacy of the surival of modern society.

trauma informed therapists, then, are essentially the factory workers in the line of command chaining from the prophetic wisdoms of great people like Buddha and our beloved Prophet, the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad. OH-yeah — a side note, i believe each of those leading popular prophetic figures were messengers of God and taught the holy message of tawhid early on.

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i tried falling asleep tonight and i couldn't, because i could only get one thought in my head. what if we made social change profitable? what if we could actually “capitalize” on making people better human beings? why, we would disrupt the entire industry by creating an earth-shattering new category, and even more, beat capitalism at its own game. what if we could economically out-do capitalism? what if? wouldn’t that create a massive wave, no — a shocking torpedo tsunami of a change in revolutionizing the world, the way modern society, the way human nature “works”???!!!

!!!!

!!!!

!!!!

are you with me yet?

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mohammad celebrates christmas but always looked so uncomfortable wishing me a happy eid. i guess that would describe the kind of “muslim” he was — if we’re using antiquated terminology, we would say he “culturally identifies” but not spiritually or otherwise. maybe i am speaking on his behalf, but i place my bets that he wouldn’t protest on those definitions.

being buddhist and practicing buddhist principles did quite change his life. i know it, because i saw his heart.

yeah, i saw his heart.

i don’t think you’ve ever done this in your life, but if you have, you must email me a paragraph on your experience doing it (you can reach me at anooroshiroatmedium@gmail.com).

here’s the thing: when i first sat across him for the very first time, our very first therapist session, i had my foot postured firmly to the floor, my body very congruent to all its right angles, sitting upright, with my hands folded into my thighs and sort of energetically slumped into his attention, as if, waiting for him to speak magic into existence.

but, he didn’t.

he sat there, and being true to himself, literally just stared me straight in the eyes, straight into my soul, for… i kid you not … at least 3 minutes.

i mean, i don’t even think i’ve truly stared at a pimple on my face for 3 minutes. HA!! that’s saying something.

so yeah, it was long.

and it was IN-

TENSE.

lemme, tell, you. lemme tell ya.

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whatever insight was there the first day stayed with me for the following 49–53 sessions. it piqued my curiosity certainly. anyways, why do i share this?

because the fundamental connection between buddhism and islam and all other faith traditions is how to heal ourselves from trauma, from trauma of any kind. how to liberate our self-serving notions and live as a collective, breathe as a collective, and acknowledge that we have the power to create an egalitarian just society without the oppressive power structures in place that make us act on our greed, that tempt our nafs, that capitalize on our shaytanic inclinations.

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yes, i believe Buddha was a prophet. i believe he delivered a message. and just like Muhammad, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, the message of submission to God, the one and only, required a dedicated discipline for the wise guidance provided only through what can be understood as a divine source.

that there are so many rituals to cleanse us of our sins is our way of coping with trauma, of healing spiritual wounds that occur because we’ve destroyed a part of human society by continuing to engage in colonizing practices, by continuing to engage our lower selves, not call unto a higher self, a higher spirit, a state of being. instead, we get lost in indulging our acts of betrayal with even more self-sabotage than we give to the people around us.

and that’s not fair. because if we are to be strong as a collective, we must be strong as individuals. and i think ultimately when i wonder about how Allah swt will evaluate me: how did i chose to worship him while on earth? the path i chose is to commit to changing, truly, fundamentally, radically, changing this earth and the world and societies lived in, hosted by, and cross connected to our lives. and how does that happen?