MY DAUGHTER LOVES HER FATHER MORE THAN ME, AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY
By: Lisa Bellia
Tags: Parenthood, Fathers And Daughters, Fathers Day

My girl loves really hard. She hugs with all her might and plants the noisiest kisses on my face. Each night when I tuck her into bed, she pulls me in and tells me she “loves me so much.”

That hug eases my fear of mistakes I made that day as a parent. As I leave her room she says without fail “Can you send Daddy in?” Even if he already said his goodnight’s to her, she wants just one more minute with him.

At a very small age, you could see how deeply she loves my husband. Genuine heartbreak when he’d leave for work and such excitement on the weekend mornings when she realized he’d be home all day. I know this is common in other families — the parent that is at home less can become more popular. I get it — I’m with my kids more. I discipline them more, push them to eat healthy foods, constantly suggest they read more and by necessity say “no” more. On the other hand, dad hangs out with them in the evening when it’s game time or TV time. He also makes more hot dogs and french toast than I do. He doesn’t get nervous when the kids are doing daredevil stunts, while I am clearly anxious when they do anything that involves running or jumping on concrete.

Aside from the day to day roles we settle into, my girl feels complete with her dad around. This could be due to the old sayings about Daddy and his Little Girl; I’m sure there is something to that sentiment. Some may wonder if I feel put out by this — after all, I am the person doing the majority of her care. But really, I understand her feelings and it warms my heart. I see where she is coming from because my father gave me the same feeling of security and warmth that she gets from her father.

My dad was the kind that could fix everything (or so it seemed to me as a child). “Let’s have dad look at it” or “Wait until dad gets home, he can fix it”. My memory is that these things were always an easy fix for him. As an adult I realize that wasn’t true. And as a mother, I’m guilty of telling my kids to “Ask dad what he thinks”. Not because I can’t do it myself, but probably because I don’t feel like doing it! The idea that your dad can fix anything is a bit magical. I hope my kids know that mom is just as capable. They see me mowing the lawn, doing DIY projects and tinkering with the tools on our workbench. But dad is the one that manages all the technology in our house, so I assume he ranks higher in the “gets stuff done” department.

Perhaps my daughter and I share these feelings because to us, dad felt strong. Again, as an adult, I know my dad wasn’t even close to being a “big guy”. But perception is everything. When you are shown how loved and protected you are by someone, they become the strongest person in your world.What a gift it is to feel safe wherever you go. To fall asleep at night without any fear because mom and dad are there to keep us safe.

To be clear — this doesn’t mean I (or my daughter) got special treatment. No princesses in our house! To be a strong father figure to your child, you need to expect the same from all your children. If you want your daughter to learn at a young age that she is capable of anything, she has to be held to that expectation.

As a kid, I cleaned out our garage, mowed the lawn and took out the garbage just like we’ll be requiring our girl to do. Sure, at that time those chores were a bummer but they led me to be very independent at a young age. Our goal is for our daughter to tackle problems head on without calling mom and dad for help. I admit I realize it’s easier to attempt independence when you have a strong support system waiting in the background. There is a fine line a parent walks between showing their child they are loved and not alone but also helping them to understand they need to do some things on their own. How did my dad do this so well? He made it look easy.

Honesty also came easy to my dad. For him, it was just the way he lived. He always knew what the right thing to do was and was confident in his choice, no matter how difficult it was.The only other person I know that lives like this is my husband. He couldn’t lie if he tried and is truthful to a fault. He has certainly offended people with his blunt responses (just like my dad did!), but you won’t meet a more honest man. My daughter has the privilege to be raised with these standards and I’m grateful he can bring these values into our family. I do my best to live authentically, but as someone that tries to avoid confrontation I often just keep my mouth shut instead of pushing my beliefs. My husband is teaching me to move past that. I hope my kids take my husband’s example and run with it! If you are living an honest life, you shouldn’t worry about someone else’s reaction to your beliefs.

When I need help with a parenting challenge, I imagine what my dad would tell me if he were still here. But then I remember, I am fortunate that I’m not alone on this journey. I have a partner that brings all the traits of a great father into our family and it gives me relief.

Maybe the kids will be alright after all.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MEN THAT ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN A CHILD’S LIFE. YOU ARE VALUED!