Surround Yourself with Wealthy People? Maybe
By: Phyllis Haynes
Tags: Success, Wealth, Personal Development

Photo by Kyle Cleveland on Unsplash

One of the frequent suggestions in books on how to get rich is to get to know wealthy people really wealthy people. I did that for a while. As a journalist and television host, I was well positioned to do just that. I even created a radio program for NBC that gave me easy access to asking questions of those who were financially successful. What I did find was at first surprising. As I got to know them up close, some seemed to have even more sadness than the folks in my neighborhood. I grew up in a lower middle class family in Bedford-Stuyvesant and Hollis, Queens. Please note: I am aware and have witnessed the poverty and suffering in poorer places. There are huge differences in the way ordinary people and especially minorities are treated in the justice system and the healthcare system and the banking system. Because of the inequality and suffering I had seen, I expected the wealthier folks to be happier, calmer, wiser, and generous. They were not. I was stunned to find so much misery, fear, and insecurity. Some of the homes and wealthy playgrounds I visited had more of everything than I had ever seen. They had lots of people doing everything for them. I recall a potentially romantic encounter with one man who was Forbes wealthy. I remember being invited to spend the night. It wasn’t romantic, he spent all of his time checking to make sure all the doors and windows were locked on each floor. He checked his very intricate alarm system more than once. I asked, “Do you do this every night?” The ritual had taken him nearly an hour. He replied, “Yes and sometimes I do it twice.” This rich man’s behavior made me think carefully about possessions and all you have to do to keep them safe, that possessions can possess you. He was no fun to be with. He was always worried that someone was out to take what he had. I am not suggesting that being poor is better than being wealthy, it’s just that I really expected more real joy on the other side.

I began to consider a different set of measurements. I began to look for truly joyful, calm, and centered people. I began to re-evaluate my ideas about wealth and wealthy people. I began to look more carefully at my own life and what I was seeking. What were the “best practices” for a wonderful life? I found some people collecting art, jewelry, and antiques. I began to collect wise folks. Joyfulness was not the main criterion. I knew lots of giddy folks but they were sometimes play acting or on drugs. Being peaceful, reflective, and open were the best criteria for finding this new set of folks. I began to recognize them and find them easily. This new way of understanding opened up a world of wealth and peace for me. The folks I found were deeply engaged in honest self-reflection. They had made workable and sustainable lives. When problems arose, they seemed to get more in touch with themselves and less frantic. Being in their presence made me grow.

They all had something in common.

A deep and continuing expression of gratitude

A pure kind of curiosity about others

Consciousness of the gift of their five senses

A willingness to share their wisdom

A dedication to being present

A love and compassion for humanity

They gave of time and money to causes to lift up others