Dear Mom and Dad
By: Sumip Patel
Tags: Humor, Kids, Dads, Parenting, Life

Dear Mom and Dad

A letter from my daughter

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have a news flash for you: I’m not a baby anymore. I’m still super cute and adorable, but if you haven’t realized yet, I have become a person. I know that may be hard for you to digest, but it’s time you start accepting reality. In the biological sense, I’ve always been a person, but I think you know what I mean — capable of forming thoughts, showing emotion, doing things by myself.

I am in a good mood today, so I thought I’d let you in on a few secrets:

Fear: I’ve recently discovered this emotion, and quite frankly it sucks. You may not be able to empathize, but that animatronic dog at Chuck E. Cheese is freaky as heck and scared the s**t out of me. Even things I used to enjoy, like doggies and certain structures at the park, are starting to scare me. I can’t help it, but please don’t act like you are completely fearless. I’ve seen you freak out when getting splashed by water. Yea, that’s right — I’m an observant little bugger.

I’ve recently discovered this emotion, and quite frankly it sucks. You may not be able to empathize, but that animatronic dog at Chuck E. Cheese is freaky as heck and scared the s**t out of me. Even things I used to enjoy, like doggies and certain structures at the park, are starting to scare me. I can’t help it, but please don’t act like you are completely fearless. I’ve seen you freak out when getting splashed by water. Yea, that’s right — I’m an observant little bugger. Trolling: I troll you guys all the time because, well, I can. For example, I know I’m not supposed to bother my baby brother, but I do it anyways. Pay attention and you’ll see me giving that “I’m about to test you look” before I actually do anything. I truly find that kid adorable, so long term you have nothing to worry about. I guess you can say I’m testing limits, so it’s on you to keep me check. Here’s another tip: If you ask me a question, my answer will be “no”. It’s a phase. If you don’t like hearing me say “no” all the time, maybe you should just ask me fewer questions.

I troll you guys all the time because, well, I can. For example, I know I’m not supposed to bother my baby brother, but I do it anyways. Pay attention and you’ll see me giving that “I’m about to test you look” before I actually do anything. I truly find that kid adorable, so long term you have nothing to worry about. I guess you can say I’m testing limits, so it’s on you to keep me check. Here’s another tip: If you ask me a question, my answer will be “no”. It’s a phase. If you don’t like hearing me say “no” all the time, maybe you should just ask me fewer questions. Potty training: You remember what Boss Baby said about diapers? “Astronauts and race car drivers wear them too.” I don’t know what’s your urgency around getting me potty trained, but can you please just slow your role? You probably can’t understand how chill it is to be able to go to the bathroom anytime, anyplace. I can — it’s pretty awesome. You’ll know when I am ready, so in the meantime just relax…but keep getting me the blue pull up diapers, they’re awesome!

You remember what Boss Baby said about diapers? “Astronauts and race car drivers wear them too.” I don’t know what’s your urgency around getting me potty trained, but can you please just slow your role? You probably can’t understand how chill it is to be able to go to the bathroom anytime, anyplace. I can — it’s pretty awesome. You’ll know when I am ready, so in the meantime just relax…but keep getting me the blue pull up diapers, they’re awesome! Mind games: Do you notice how sometimes I’m like “I want Mommy!” and other times, “I want Daddy!” Here’s a secret: I’m playing you like a fiddle. Both of you are great parents and I can come to either of you with any issue. I just act like I want one of you more at any given time to make you feel special. I have both of you wrapped around my finger, it’s borderline Machiavellian.

Do you notice how sometimes I’m like “I want Mommy!” and other times, “I want Daddy!” Here’s a secret: I’m playing you like a fiddle. Both of you are great parents and I can come to either of you with any issue. I just act like I want one of you more at any given time to make you feel special. I have both of you wrapped around my finger, it’s borderline Machiavellian. Independence: I’m sure you’ve noticed my recent desire to do everything by myself. There’s probably a lot of things I can’t fully do by myself yet, but if I don’t try, how do you expect me to learn? For example, I’ve become fairly good at putting my shoes on and pretty soon will never need your help on this again. That will save you effort down the road. If you’re willing to put up with some short term growing pain, it will benefit both of us long term.

At the end of the day, what’s going on in my head is no different than the Pixar movie “Inside Out.” Just like you, I have different emotions. I am starting to become more aware of them and am beginning to experience life in the context of my emotions. It’s kinda weird to be honest.

I know that I am super difficult at times, but I do want you to know that I love you both very much. You are my everything and I am thankful to have you as my parents.

Love,

Maya