Why it’s better to Regret Something You Did Than Something You Didn’t
By: Hogan Torah
Tags: Humor, Fiction, Social Commentary, Art, Death

A while ago I received an email.

Dear Mr. Torah,

A terminally ill youth has chosen you to be their wish. If you have never worked with unnamed granting terminal ill children their wish foundation before, please click the link to register on our portal.

Did a kid really pick me as their wish?!? HOLY CRAP! No way! AAAAAAAAAA!

Some dying kid wants to see me and they pay for transportation and expenses? No brainier. Not Disneyland, not John Cena, They don’t wanna fly a helicopter or be a fireman. They wanna see Hogan Torah! What an honor!

I filled out the forms, took a 10 minute what do expect learning portal thing, and a week later I flew Delta out of LAX to the ATL Atlanta airport.

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The sick little boy’s name was Scott. He asked a bunch of questions about the things I wrote. Smart questions like why I took the story down the path I did. He wanted to know about the origin of my crazier ideas.

I answered all of his questions, even though some answers might have been considered inappropriate to tell a nine year old. But the kid was going to die sooner than later so I did. He seemed to have this deep understanding of writing a nine year old shouldn’t have.

I showed him the outline of my upcoming book and the completed parts. He showed me some things she wrote. It was dope.

It seemed like there was something he wanted to ask but was afraid to say. I asked my embarrassing question first.

“You could have wished for anything and they would have tried to make it happen. Why me?”

While still looking me dead in the eye he said.

“I want you to fuck me.”

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Scott said it firmly and directly. The kid didn’t miss a beat. He wasn’t scared, just waiting for the right time. There is no right time on that one.

“Uh… That’s very flattering and you are a really cool dude, but that’s going to be a hard no.”

His face crumbled. “Why not?”

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“How old are you?”

“I’ll be 10 next month. Maybe…” He said sadly.

“I get it. I do. I’m sorry but I can’t. No. The foundation said not to get too close. What you are asking from me would be crossing a line that’s bad for both of us.”

He gave me the sick kid sad eyes. My heart was breaking but I had to be firm. I’m the adult here.

“No! Look, I’m sorry. I would really like to help you, I would. But I’m a public figure and even if I wasn’t, no. You are a… handsome fellow. I’d say when you get older but the truth is you’re going to die and I don’t fuck kids.”

Oh shit. That didn’t help. Some fucking wordsmith I am.

“Ehhh.. I… I’m going to smoke and pee. But I promise I’ll be back.”

When I looked back and saw his scrunched up sour face. Then started having a coughing fit from his heart breaking. The image of him trying not to cry it is forever burned in my mind. But hell nope. I’m not fucking a kid!

I broke character when I said no. Because Hogan Torah wouldn’t deny someone especially under these circumstances just because the law said it was wrong. But I didn’t say no because of the law, I said no because you don’t have sex with kids. Period.

I’m not going to be arrested and go to jail for being a fake. If I have sex with a minor I will.

His parents were waiting out side the door for me.

“Did he ask you?” Said his stepmom.

“Huh?”

“What did you say?”

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“I said No!” Oh my god. That’s why they picked me! Son of a bitch! I’m an actor playing a character! Though it’s more of a gimmick really.

I am morally ambiguous about damn near everything. But I’m not a murderer and I don’t fuck kids.

Scott’s parents were both now giving me the face.