7 Habits of Brutally Honest People Who Are Still Likable
By: Taylor Foreman
Tags: Self Improvement, Relationships, Personal Development, Life, Honesty

7 Habits of Brutally Honest People Who Are Still Likable

Photo by Juan Martin Lopez from Pexels

The comedy world can be brutal. Talent is not evenly applied, and jealousy is a common motivation.

If you’re like me and you’re only mildly talented, you survive by asking talented people for feedback and advice. That’s why I’m still out here.

Thanks to that, I’ve had a few mentors. They come in 3 flavors.

Encourages you all the time Cuts down everything you do wrong

3. Encourages progress; mercy kills bad habits

I prefer number 3 any day of the week. They are more likable, more successful, and the people that “dislike” them tend to be bitter people who didn’t get the result they wanted.

Here are the habits that make a brutally honest person remain likable:

1. They Are Brutally Honest With Themselves

Brutally honest people who are still likable know that honesty has to start 6 inches from the mirror.

Brutally honest people (without the likable part) tend to think that what they see in other people is the objective truth. They project their own insecurities on other people without realizing it.

The likable ones know they are going to project. When they give advice, they acknowledge the ways they might be biased. They teach “around” themselves. They don’t let that fact stop them from saying what they think.

My mentor has a separate person in her head — watching her. When she gives notes, she lets you know what her watcher “saw.” “That’s just how I perceived it. It’s probably what the audience will think, too. Make it more clear.”

She has years of experience, but she’s not just going to rest on those laurels. She uses her personality, projections, and experience as an imperfect “tool” to make me better.

Famous author Neil Gaiman says:

“Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.”

A good mentor takes out the middle man. My mentor knows that she can’t give you the right answer. She’s done enough work on herself to know it’s just not possible.

2. They Listen Before Giving Advice

It’s not good to go around giving out advice. It’s an act of narcissism, actually. We are trying to form the world in our image. I get it. I’m guilty of this.

A better thing to do is to listen and only give advice when asked.

People are going to tell you beliefs and opinions that are weird, and you think are wrong. Don’t start explaining why they are wrong! Ask them, “Why do you believe that weird thing?” It’s amazing — they will tell you.

People aren’t just “right” or “wrong.” People are weird accumulations of experiences and information. If you tell them why they’re wrong, you’ll never get to experience anything except yourself.

That doesn’t mean you can’t still be brutally honest. “That’s the wildest theory I’ve ever heard, man.” People love this sort of answer. They can tell you’re not lying. You avoid shutting them down while still saying how you really feel.

Even if someone is wrong, you don’t want to steal their journey of finding the right answer.

3. They Don’t Steal Other People’s Journey

We’ve each had a journey. We want everyone to know how we got here. We might even think that everyone should know everything we know.

I’ve been a philosophy student, a salesman, a marketer, a handyman, a comedian, and a writer. What if someone came up to me when I was a marketer and said, “You’ll eventually become a writer. Cut your losses now.”

That would piss me off. First of all, what the hell do they know (even if they’re right)? Second, my whole destiny over those years was to figure it out for myself.

Being a human isn’t just having the right words in our heads. Human beings have stories and experiences that motivate us. When you tell people things before they are ready to hear them, you steal their story — their destiny.

Brutally honest doesn’t mean “fixing everyone else’s problems.” It means you react to people honestly at the moment. When people bore you, you yawn. When people scare you, you startle.

Brutally honest people who are likable don’t try to save other people. They react to other people honestly and without forethought.

4. They Always Prepare But Rarely Use It

Some people are planners; some people are improvisers. No matter which way you lean, you need to learn to do the opposite.

For my planners out there, you need to learn to go off-script. Brutally honest people who are likable trust their instincts. They react to the moment presently. They don’t read off note cards.

For my improvisers, you need a plan. You never have to look at it (though you can), but you need to do it anyway. Brutally honest people who are likable don’t come to a meeting unprepared. It’s rude to the people whose time you’re wasting. Prepare thoroughly, improvise totally.

Your honesty lacks authority if you haven’t planned. Your honesty lacks authenticity if you rely too much on those plans.

Seems like a paradox? Trust me, making plans is almost always enough. And, hey, if you need to glance at them — they’re there.

5. They Know Swift Cruelty Is True Mercy

Out of fear, we avoid telling people the truth. Instead, we put our hands lightly around each other’s necks. We use passive aggression, light sabotage, and simmering resentment. It’s like slowly choking someone over the course of years.

Brutally honest people who are likable know that a quick death is better than a drawn-out one. “I don’t like when you do that.” It stings at that moment but saves an unbelievable amount of suffering.

It’s hard to do this if you dislike your aggressive side. You have to learn to integrate the darker parts of your personality and put them to good use.

Aggression suppressed is bad. It leaks out in all kinds of ways you can’t predict. Aggression used to create clear and strong personal boundaries is good.

There are no parts of you that are “bad.” Only misused. Brutally honest people who are likable know how to show compassion to all of the parts of them — even the dark and scary parts we don’t like to talk about.

Sometimes, you have to shoot a dying animal in the head. It’s cruelty that is true mercy. If you can’t do that, bad things in life take way longer than they should.

6. They Laugh When They Are Wrong

Brutally honest people who are likable are using honest reactions as a tool to help other people. If it fails, it’s funny.

You don’t have to wait until you’re perfect to start being brutally honest. You have to develop a sense of humor about it. You’re going to make mistakes.

You’re going to give too much advice, steal people’s destiny, and let things drag out longer than they need to. Laugh and move on. It’s the only way.

You don’t have to be perfect to be useful.

7. They Are Motivated to Help Others

Fundamentally, brutally honest people who are unlikable are motivated by ego. It reminds me of the most annoying quote on the internet (falsely, I think) attributed to Mayrlin Monroe:

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Yikes. I don’t know about you, but I’d hate to hang around someone who takes that motto seriously.

Likable honest people are motivated to help others. They know it can get ugly, but they believe that they are doing it for good reasons. If they are wrong in the end, they apologize and are willing to laugh.

Being brutally honest is a personal risk. It means you aren’t always “nice,” but you are good. You believe that it will pay off in the long run. You have faith that the right people will understand you. You acknowledge that you aren’t perfect. You laugh at your mistakes. You use your dark side for good.

All of this is aligned to make the world a little better. Without that goal, we all fall into the trap of ego. Ego is a good short-term strategy but terrible in the long run.

This isn’t advice you “should” do. It’s advice that I’ve noticed makes for an abundant and successful life. Copy it to make your life better. Maybe not today, but definitely next year.

Brutal honesty for the right reasons builds trust. Trust builds wealth, health, and wisdom. Don’t let momentary niceties make you miss out.