Who is Getting Red Underwear for Christmas? Asking for a Friend!
By: Dan K Jackson
Tags: 2020, Poverty, Christmas, Love

Kevin, sans tinsel.

Whatever happened to tinsel? Have you asked yourself that lately?

It was a big deal for about 30 years and then boom, it’s gone. The last time I remember tinsel was about 20 years ago. I had an old orange cat. He liked tinsel. Tinsel doesn’t digest by the way. Old Tom spread the Christmas spirit throughout the house.

I can’t believe cats caused the trashing of tinsel. Dog people or non-pet people would use it, wouldn’t they?

Tinsel town is of course Hollywood. But it’s a little unfair to call it that since we’re not actually using tinsel. Kids these days don’t even know what tinsel is! How can they then make a fair assumption of what tinsel town is?

Taken by itself, the word tinsel to a typical 20 year old could mean anything! It could be a Pokemon game. It could be new fashion. It could be a hair style. Heck it probably is a hair style!

Similarly do any of you know what a Yule log is?

Yeah, me neither!

It’s like tinsel I suppose. It used to be a Christmas tradition and now, evidently it is not. Do any of you, without using your Google machine, know of or remember a Yule log?

I actually thought a Yule log might be some type of dessert or possibly a meat loaf.

“Mmmm, give me another slice of that Yule log!”

It’s not that.

Is that a Christmas pickle or are you just happy to see me?

In Germany they have a Christmas pickle tradition. Yeah, a pickle. They hang it on the Christmas tree and the first kid to find it gets a special gift. Or the first adult to find it gets good luck. Or several other possibilities.

Here’s the thing, none of them know the origin of the Christmas pickle. There are like a million theories. Yeah. Stupid.

In close proximity to Germany, you have Austria. They take the whole Elf on a Shelf thing to another level. There you not only have Santa, but you have his arch nemesis, Krampus. So it’s not only important you be nice and mind your parents, so you can get gifts, but also you might get eaten by a big ol ugly devil figure.

Ever heard of Boxing Day? This is an English tradition. I believe they also celebrate it in Canada. Anyway, it’s usually the day after Christmas.

Okay so that’s cool, probably like a shopping day or something, right? That’s what it always sounded like to me.

Nope. Back in the day the servants worked on Christmas, and so Boxing Day consisted of receiving a box of leftovers they could take to their families.

When the heck was it everyone had servants? How can I get some….or with the shrinking of the middle class, might I be one at some point?

Can’t wait. Posh. Or dire.

Speaking of poor people, Ukrainians, instead of tinsel, would decorate with spider webs. It was all based upon a story of a sweet old lady who couldn’t afford to decorate her tree. But when she awoke on Christmas morning a spider had built her a glorious sparkling web, and so she was full of joy.

Then the spider ate her deadbeat kids who still lived off her Social Security checks. And so this time not only was she full with even more joy, but food as well. It was a Christmas miracle.

I may have embellished the last part there.

Taking the holiday spirit to another level!

In Spain they celebrate Christmas by wearing a new pair of red underwear. Not kidding. This sounds like something a tractor salesman I know, would do. Also, not kidding.

One small town in Spain takes this to another level. They have a New Year’s Eve run, wearing just your red underwear.

I think this pretty much sums up the difference between rural America and rural Europe. Sigh.

Finally in Portugal, many people celebrate the holiday by placing a setting for deceased friends or relatives at the table. I think that is nice. A bit sad of course, but after a year like 2020, a bit of remembrance and celebration of love, is probably a pretty good thing.