Two Successful True Crime Podcasters Share Valuable Life Advice Everyone Needs to Hear
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Two Successful True Crime Podcasters Share Valuable Life Advice Everyone Needs to Hear

Before I get into my thoughts about the book — I’d prefer to be clear from the beginning: I am not crazy about true crime (in fact I’m terrified!) and I’ve never listened to an episode of Karen’s and Georgia’s My Favourite Murder podcast. I also don’t ever read books with the word ‘murder’ in the title.

That is because I had a rebellious phase in my teenage years which I would spend watching horror movies with my then best friend, needless to say, that it was without permission or supervision. After we finished the movie I needed to make my way home. On my own. Through the woods.

So it didn’t take me too long to finally get to a point of “Is the adrenaline rush of watching a horror movie worth the anxiety attack I have every time on my way home?”. The answer was no, so I made a pact with myself to avoid scary content altogether and I’ve stayed true to that.

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But enough about this: Let’s dive into what Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered is actually about!

About ‘Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered’

Despite the terror I feel when I see, read or hear something that could potentially be scary, I bought the book because of my friend’s recommendation. She reassured me that there wasn’t much murder content in there.

While I’m grateful she didn’t lie to me and it turned out the book didn’t terrify me, I was delighted that I felt the inspiration to write an article to summarise my favourite take-aways of this book.

Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered is a dual memoir that addresses a variety of difficult and uncomfortable experiences the authors have made in their lives with the purpose of demonstrating their biggest learnings to their readers.

It is a collection of stories that cover all topics from alcoholism, drug abuse, therapy, abandonment in early childhood, jobs, eating disorders, relationships, parent’s divorce to rebellious teenage phases and many more.

I narrowed it down one key message from each chapter, which I would like to share with you in the following paragraphs.

Number 1: The Concept of ‘Fucking Politeness’

The book is off to a really strong start because it literally starts with swear words all over the first pages!

Whoever first reads about the concept of fucking politeness might be under the impression that it would be an instruction to be rude to everyone and to stop caring about other people’s feelings. However, as I continued reading I understood that that’s exactly where the misconception starts.

The context for fucking politeness comes from an abundance of situations that the authors had encountered in which they felt uncomfortable and unsafe and felt that speaking up about their discomfort would be perceived as ‘rude’.

“The idea of fucking politeness isn’t about standing on a corner shouting ‘Fuck you!’ to anyone passing by. It’s a strategy for when someone tries to invade your space somehow.”

An example that’s given for clarification is to imagine the following scene: Someone you don’t — or barely — know is insisting on buying you a drink in a bar. After you politely decline, that person goes on to asking you a second and a third and a fourth time. As your personal boundaries are ignored (the personal boundary being that you already kindly and patiently declined of a drink) the concept of fucking politeness can be applied.

That’s when the authors encourage you to switch up a gear and express what you really feel, even if it attracts attention or is perceived as an ‘overreaction’. If your boundaries were ignored, then there is no reason to play it cool anymore, and you can fuck all principles of politeness you’ve ever learned. They started it. They didn’t listen. Their problem.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Number 2: The Idea of Having a Controlled Outlet for Negativity

In the second chapter, the authors talk about their belief that we are all born innocent — a ‘Sweet Baby Angel’ as they call it — and that we are shaped by the many challenges we encounter as we go through life.

That can mean making traumatic experiences at worst or going through some rough times at best. Some of us are experiencing more shit than others and that naturally leads to us using our close family, friends and social groups as an outlet to moan and complain.

The authors appeal to their readers to be mindful of creating a balance in relationships to avoid overloading others with negativity. They point out that:

“Sometimes people already have so much shittiness going on in their lives, they just can’t take another moment of it.”

They recommend a more controlled approach to use another person as an outlet and are encouraging to reserve enough space for positivity.

To not overload someone with one’s negativity they suggest to say something like: “Let’s not get into this today. Tell me something good that’s happening in your life.”

That allows the listener to decide whether they have the capacity to follow up on a topic that might cause low vibes, or whether they are in fact relieved to avoid that conversation today.

Number 3 — The Thing With Drugs and Having Fun

Chapter 3 touches on the importance of health in a physical as well as in a mental context: Growing up some of us get used to the thought that alcohol — or any other drug — can add fun to our life. But for some, it can go as far as thinking that the drug is necessary to have fun or is even indispensable.

Any form of severe substance abuse leads to some sorts of side effects and a well known one of them is memory loss. After a heavy night of drinking, we can’t quite recall what we did anymore, we lose track of time and only remember fractions of what we talked about. Our minds feel foggy and imprecise.

As the authors share some personal experiences on the topic of substance abuse they beautifully express their revelation that:

“We need our brains to be clear and healthy at least part of the time so we can notice and record these tiny, magical moments in our lives. A drunk brain can’t do that.”

Photo by Scott Warman on Unsplash

Number 4 and 5 —The Connection Between Latchkey Kids and Making Peace With the Inner Child (Preferably in Therapy)

The authors included a detailed description of what it was like to be a ‘latchkey kid’, which they define as “a kid that was allowed to be home alone for hours on end with no supervision while their parents were at work […]”.

Despite the funny narrative that was chosen to recount the experience of being home with an older sister, eating unhealthy snacks and finding ways to avoid schoolwork, I got a feeling of sadness and even resentment as a reader because the authors would pinpoint so many of their later problems to the time that they weren’t given the needed attention by their parents.

There’s no doubt that the authors are big fans and advocates of therapy. Since they repeatedly bring up abandonment in their childhood as one of the top factors of having developed destructive coping mechanisms later on it’s no big surprise that one of their biggest therapy revelations refers to the relationship you have with your inner child as a grown-up.

“Be kind to little you!”

Is their advice which refers to the ability to not only accept but also respect one’s past even if that was a past in which one’s needs weren’t met. Many people feel the urge to avoid memories of a certain time of their life, especially if it felt uncomfortable, dangerous and/or very traumatic.

Georgia and Karen believe though that we can only fully move forward when we stop thinking about our past selves in a destructive way and therefore advise to be kind to the younger versions of ourselves.

Number 6 — Do We Ever Really Fail or Does Failure Really Just Sets Us Up for Success?

The book talks about (some of) the careers Georgia and Karen had before deciding to launch a podcast that they didn’t anticipate would be so hugely successful.

The message I got from their chapter on careers was that failure actually plays a huge role in finding our so-called dream job. Considering the idea that failure is in fact necessary for us to make certain (important, life-changing) decisions, can totally change our outlook.

It certainly changed Karen’s and Georgia’s outlook as they learned important lessons from their previous jobs, for example, that a materialistic lifestyle didn’t make them as happy as they had thought. And learning what we don’t want and don’t like can be as important as it helps us to avoid exactly those things moving forward. Their conclusion is:

“It doesn’t matter if you fail. Your trying is what sets the tone for your whole life story.”

In the end, it is all a matter of perspective, Georgia realised when she discovered blogging as her passion. Suddenly she found herself to appreciate all the drama happening in her life as she “couldn’t wait to blog about this.”

I would conclude: Sometimes you win and sometimes you have material to write an article about.

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Number 7 — When It Feels Like the World Owes You Something

Georgia and Karen talk about the notion that experiencing a particularly rough childhood or going through traumatic experiences can result in a conviction that the world owes us something.

As an example, they explained how they took it for granted that their schoolmates would lend them money on a regular basis. On other occasions, they would steal from shops.

But while material goods are perceived to be important to many, the authors also talk about the feeling of being owed an explanation when it comes to the end of interpersonal relationships.

Some of the dating disasters started with a misperception about the person they were dating. I found their suggestion to “not project your own fantasy and personality on other people” to be extremely relevant because many relationships go wrong when someone falls in love with the idea of someone instead of the person that they really are.

When it comes to breaking up their advice is to:

“Leave someone the way you found them.”

which carries the message that breakups shouldn’t do so much harm if done correctly, meaning in a sensitive manner. When they talk about their own experiences as ‘crazy ex-girlfriends’ they reflect that in many of those scenarios they “weren’t left in the way someone had found them” and were therefore put in a position in which they acted of character because they were treated so unfairly.

Regardless of what is happening to us and how unfair it seems, we should be mindful that a mindset of ‘the world owes us something’ is never propelling us forward, in fact, it’s mostly the opposite and we’ll be feeling stuck.

Photo by Riz Mooney on Unsplash

Number 8 — A Society That Is Too Focused on Victims

Because forests are known to be a location that murderers like to choose for committing crimes, the authors use ‘the forest’ as a metaphor of dangerous places in their last chapter of the book. With that, they describe a place that we should avoid as much as we can to keep us safe from terrible things happening to us.

Despite the author’s reservation about forests, I loved their acknowledgement that for many people it can still be a soothing and relaxing way of experiencing nature and their humorous reflection that

“the wood accepts and envelops your screams and use the excess carbon dioxide you emit to grow.”

Their last chapter is focused on our pretty fucked up society which is quite obviously approaching our problems the wrong way round. They demonstrate that with the Ken and Barbie killers, a married couple who was known for working together in raping and later killing their victims in the 1980s in Canada.

As a response to those incidents, the local authorities were debating to introduce a curfew for women at the time of the crimes happening regularly. Karen and Georgia point out that the authorities seem to have neglected the thought that introducing a curfew for men resembling the perpetrator might have been a more reasonable approach.

A bit later a solution was found where women were allowed to request bus drivers to stop at places closer to their house, which was a way of acknowledging that there are ways to better support women without locking them away (for their own safety!).

The call is that problems should be solved by addressing the root of the issue rather than asking the victim to change their behaviour in the hope to mitigate a risk that isn’t in their power to control.

Final (and Personal) Thoughts on Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered

While some of the stories in the book are directly linked to the beginnings of Karen’s and Georgia’s (what turned out to be super successful) True Crime Podcast, other chapters seem a little more disconnected from the overall theme.

That leads to the impression that it was in fact a very personal desire for both women to share whatever they thought might help their readers who might be experiencing similar difficulties.

As demonstrated in this article, I found the book to be giving a lot of thought-provoking impulses and I recommend it even though I think their writing style and narrative might make more sense to people who have previously listened to Karen’s and Georgia’s podcast.

After finishing the book I’m still not intrigued to find out more about true crime, but reading this book has shown me how many experiences that we are making as a woman are closely linked to our level of comfort and our safety and that is definitely worth learning more about — from both women’s and men’s perspective!