One in a Million
By: Tom Starita
Tags: Humor, Writing, Basketball, Fiction, Short Story

Joseph, Joe, to his friends, Joey, to his wife, arrived home after an especially tough day at the office. Harrison had taken credit for his work for the third time that quarter, and Joseph knew he had to say something. There had been an accident on the drive home, adding forty-five minutes to his commute. All he wanted to do was plop down on the couch and not open his eyes until dinner. He reached into the mailbox, grabbed the mail, and went inside.

Joseph’s mind wandered as he thumbed through the bills. “Heat, electric, furniture store, car insurance, what’s this?” The front of the envelope read Joseph and Suzy Francona. He tore open the edge and slid his in thumb across.

“Collections?!! One hundred and twenty-nine thousand!!!!” His mind went light while his legs turned jelly, and he managed to sit down without passing out. That’s when his wife Suzy came in, holding a basket full of clean laundry.

“What’s the matter, Joey? You look pale.” He couldn’t even look at her. Instead, he lifted the piece of paper in his trembling right hand.

“What’s this? Why does it say we owe one hundred and twenty-nine thousand?” Suzy’s face sucked in like she was noshing on an old lemon. She placed the clothes down at her feet and mumbled,

“I wanted to tell you. I tried so many times.” Joseph stared at the clock hanging on the wall.

“Tell me what?”

“They said it was easy! You click a button, and three cherries pop up, and you can win a million dollars!” Joseph put his thumb and index finger to the bridge of his nose. He wanted to throw up.

“What are you saying, Suzy?” She held up her hands and said,

“Oh, Joey, I’m so sorry. I go to Atlantic City a couple of times a week. I swear I thought I could just win the money back, so I kept playing and playing.”

“But why is my name on this?”

“Because I opened a credit card in your name.” That’s when the sobbing and the screaming happened.

Two days later, Joseph opened up the door to their bedroom, a room he hadn’t stepped inside since the “incident.” He stood there in darkness, despite it being 4 pm. The curtains were drawn, not a hint of light to be found anywhere. Suzy had the sheets pulled up to her tiny nose and whispered, “I don’t want to fight anymore, Joey. I can’t.” Joey gazed at his wife. No matter what, she was the love of his life.

“I’m not here to fight. I’m here to tell you there might be a way out of this.” She pulled the blankets down to her chin and said,

“I don’t want to run, Joey. They’ll find us.” He came over to their queen size bed and sat down on the edge.

“No running.”

Suzy pulled the blankets down a bit further, almost showing him her collarbone. “What then?”

He reached out and gently cradled his wife’s hand. “This Saturday at the Red Rivers game, they’re giving a million dollars to the person who can hit a halfcourt shot.”

“What?”

“A friend of a friend works at the arena and pulled a few strings. They’re going to pick me, and I’m going to hit that shot.”

Suzy, sat straight against their vintage 1950’s Italian headboard asked, “Since when do you play basketball?”

A flicker of anger billowed inside his belly, but he blew it out. There was no time to argue. “Are you going to take shots at me, or are you going to help me do this?”

Suzy climbed out of bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I believe in you, Joey. You’re a good man, and you’re going to save us.”

For the next three days, Joseph called out of work and went down with Suzy to the schoolyard to practice. He would shoot, she would rebound, and they did this over and over and over again.

By the time Saturday arrived, he was mediocre at best. Suzy wanted to come and witness his heroism, but Joseph told her to hang back. He needed to focus, and if he knew she was in the stands watching, he would probably choke.

Joseph arrived, found his seat, and watched a sport he could care less about. His palms were sweaty, and he couldn’t get any spit going. He stood up and nervously stretched, counting down the minutes until halftime. Finally, the horn sounded, and it was time. But first, the cheerleaders came out and did their routine while Joey snuck a smoke in the stairwell.

“ANNDD NOW ITS TIME TO PICK A FAN AT RANDOM FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!” Joey ran back to his seat, fighting off an urge to puke. A spotlight raced around the arena as the PA Announcer said, “The fan sitting in Section 211, Row 4, Seat 3 come on down!” Joey stood up. The place went bananas as he made his courtside. He walked over to center court, where a perky college girl met him.

“What’s your name?”

“Joseph.”

“Okay, Joseph! It’s your shot!”

Joseph grabbed the ball and dribbled it twice. He thought of Suzy back home, the love of his life. He thought of the nine years of marriage and the three years prior to dating. He thought of all the good times. The happy moments. He dribbled again. Joey took ten steps back and let out a deep breath. Then he ran forward and chucked the ball with all his might. The basketball sailed high and far, hit the backboard, bounced on the front of the rim…

And went in!

“OH MY GOD, HE DID IT!” The crowd lost their collective minds while Joseph ran around the court like a lunatic. He did it! He did it! It’s a miracle! He felt so overcome by emotion that he fell to the floor and sobbed. Meanwhile, a silver-haired gentleman appeared, discussing something with the PA Announcer.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that our contestant ran past halfcourt and is unfortunately disqualified.”

“DISQUALIFIED? Joseph jumped up and charged the silver hair gentlemen, calling him every name he could think of in English, Italian and Portuguese. Security arrived on scene and not so gently hauled him out of the building.

Why?!

Why were the fates so cruel?!

He had done it. He had actually done it, and on some minor bullshit technicality, they had stolen a million dollars from him. The walk to his car took forever, and when he arrived, he sat inside for a couple of minutes. What was he going to tell Suzy?

A warm shimmer of light came over him, like Buddha at the Bodhi tree. It didn’t matter. Love would find a way. Nine years of marriage would illuminate the path they needed to travel. Joseph pulled out of the parking lot and didn’t see the car going the wrong way down a one-way street.

Killing Joseph instantly.

Ten days after the accident, Joseph’s HR department called her up. It turned out that Joseph’s company had a one hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy, and last year Joseph upped the amount ten times, to an even one million dollars.

“I knew you’d come through!” She cried, confusing the poor HR person. A month later, Suzy paid off the creditors and bought a boat, naming it, “One in a Million.” She also fell in love with a silver-haired gentleman who kept his boat next to hers, but that’s a story for another time.