Parenting Styles: The Ultimate Guide to Raising Happy and Successful Kids in 2021 (with examples)!
By: Sofia Lindberg
Tags: Raising Kids, Parenting Advice, Parenting Style, Parenting, Raising Children

Parenting Styles: The Ultimate Guide to Raising Happy and Successful Kids in 2021 (with examples)! Sofia Lindberg May 18·14 min read

A new life!

A tiny little person.

Completely innocent and fragile and who’s whole future existence on this earth depends on…

…YOU!

Most parents feel this overwhelming and perhaps even terrifying feeling at least once.

Perhaps you felt it holding your new-born baby in your arms for the first time?

In the beginning it’s all about meeting your child’s basic needs of food, shelter, warmth and love. What parenting style to adopt usually comes naturally and without much thought.

However, as your little baby grows older demands will increase.

It’ll need you to be a parent.

And to raise him or her into a happy, confident and prosperous person.

Not a small thing to demand. However, it is the right of all children born into this world. As a parent reading this, you are probably well aware.

The way you parent this child will have a huge affect on his or her future.

But parenting is hard, right?!

Sooner or later you’ll find that out, as your child grows older.

You may have an idea about how to parent successfully, but everyday life makes it hard to put theory into practice. Applying parenting strategies in the real world is easier said than done, right?

It’s difficult to know if you’re being way too strict or overly permissive.

Not all parents strive to achieve the Parent of the Year Award, but many strive to be the best parent they can be and raise a child that is confident and happy.

Want to find out how to achieve this? Learning more about parenting styles is essential!

Parenting Styles Psychology — the Theory Behind Raising Children Every Parent Should Know!

So, what’s a parenting style?

One definition is “the emotional climate in which parents raise their children’’.

Emotional climate is formed by the parent’s support, involvement, warmth, approval, control, monitoring and punishment.

Your parenting style represents the combination of strategies that you use to raise your child.

A Short History Lesson of the Theories of Child Rearing

The theories of child rearing date back to the beginning of the 17th Century and the two philosophers John Locke and Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Independent from one another they published works that since then have influenced the area of child rearing immensely.

A well-known researcher within the field of parenting was Diana Baumrind.

Her research focused on the classification of parenting styles and is referred to as “Baumrind’s Parenting Typology”.

Why are the Baumrind Parenting Styles so Important?

Carrying out her research, Baumrind found four different categories that formed the foundation of the various parenting styles.

The first two were Responsiveness vs. unresponsiveness (Baumrind, D. 1967).

A responsive parent tends to the child’s needs in a supportive and accepting way. A parent that’s more unresponsive to the needs of the child displays the opposite behaviour.

How independent are you letting your child be?

The second two categories were demanding vs. undemanding (Baumrind, D. 1967).

A demanding parent has rules which the child is expected to follow, in order to not risk being punished by the parent. An undemanding parent may not set up any rules at all, with low expectations on the child to behave a certain way.

Are you demanding obedience and is the child’s sense of freedom important?

What are the 3 Main Parenting Styles?

In her research Baumrind identified three main parenting styles:

Authoritative parenting

Authoritarian parenting

Permissive parenting

Later they developed into four styles by Maccoby and Martin, adding the neglectful or uninvolved parenting style.

The 4 Parenting Styles — What are They All About?

Let’s look at the parenting styles and what sets them apart from one another.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

The authoritarian parenting style is also called the disciplinarian parenting style. That gives an idea of what this style is all about.

Authoritarian parents use strict discipline and are extremely controlling.

They have a strong sense of justice, need for obedience and strict rules.

Communication is one way — from parent to child.

Rules are usually not explained, just expected to be followed without being questioned.

According to the parent it is “my way or the highway”. If a child ever questions the reason behind a rule, the answer from the parent is “because I say so”.

These parents are highly demanding and typically less nurturing (less responsive).

The child’s feelings are seldom taken into consideration.

Instead of discipline, some authoritarian parents use punishment. Rather than to teach a child how to make better choices, they make the kid feel sorry for his or her mistakes.

Children growing up under this parenting style follow rules often, but their obedience comes at a price.

Permissive Parenting Style

Permissive or indulgent parents are warm, nurturing and accepting, but put little demand on their child.

The child can do what he or she wants.

These parents offer limited guidance or direction and act more like friends than parents.

Permissive parents have limited or no rules, are lenient, and tend to avoid confrontation. They mostly let children figure problems out on their own.

The communication style is open but these parents let children decide for themselves and allow considerable self-regulation, rather than giving direction.

Discipline is rare, as a result of having low expectations on the child regarding maturity and self-control.

Not thwarting the child’s creativity and sense of self is important for these parents.

This style can be based in confusion from the parent’s point of view. Being out of touch with the pre-adolescent or adolescent world, their best way to handle any situation is by being a friend to their child.

They encourage their child to talk to them about problems, but don’t discourage poor choices or bad behaviour.

They give in to their child’s requests in hopes of being loved for their obliging style.

Another reason for adopting this style is to compensate for what the parents themselves lacked as children. If they grew up in an overly strict household or in poverty, these parents go to great lengths to give the child the freedom or the material things they never had.

Acting conditionally is common for the permissive parent. Good grades in school may be linked to benefits such as freedom or material things.

Uninvolved Parenting Style

The uninvolved parent expects the child to raise itself.

At worst, this parenting style can verge into neglect. However, this may not be intentional in cases where the parent is suffering from mental health issues or problems with substance abuse.

Uninvolved parenting is characterised by the following descriptions:

The parent demands nothing from the child and gives little in return.

The responsiveness to the child’s needs is low, offering minimal nurturing.

Communication is lacking.

An uninvolved parent lets a child do what he or she wants out of a lack of either information or caring.

No particular discipline style is utilized.

Uninvolved parents give their children a lot of freedom and tend to stay out of their child’s way.

Parenting this way is a conscious decision for some parents. Others just aren’t interested in parenting or unsure of what to do.

Generally, these parents fulfill the child’s basic needs (like food and shelter), but are often detached from their child’s life.

They will offer little when it comes to guidance, structure, rules or support.

Authoritative Parenting Style

Similar to the authoritarian parent, parents with an authoritative parenting style set rules and guidelines which their child expects to follow.

Compared to the strict authoritarian parent, the authoritative one is way more democratic.

The parent is responsive to their child and provides warmth, feedback and support.

They expect a lot from their child, but when a child fails to meet these expectations the authoritative parent is more nurturing and forgiving, than punishing.

Rules are clear and the reasons behind them explained.

Communication is frequent between the parent and the child, and adapted to the child’s level of understanding.

Authoritative parents allow the child to have input into set goals and expectations.

The parent seeks a balance between their own desire to be respected and listened to, and the child’s desire for independence.

The conscious goal is raising a child that is assertive as well as socially responsible, self-regulated and cooperative.

What about the Infamous Helicopter Parenting and other Parenting Styles?

The four parenting styles above are creating the foundation of parenting psychology and almost all parents fall under either one of these categories.

However, some niche parenting styles have also developed during recent years, such as the infamous helicopter parenting style.

Why You Should Avoid being a Helicopter Parent

Are you overly involved in every aspect of your child’s life?

Desperately trying to solve all your child’s problems, preventing him or her from any imaginable harm?

This behaviour of over-parenting has been given the name helicopter parenting. The parent tends to hover closely over the child’s head like a helicopter.

They do so in an effort to pay close attention to the child’s experiences and problems, attempting to sweep all obstacles out of their path.

The result is not in favour of the child unfortunately. Children of helicopter parents tend to have higher levels of depression and anxiety.

Helicopter parenting becomes increasingly common during the child’s adolescence and early adulthood years when the development of independence and self-sufficiency are essential for future success.

Modern communication technology enables parents to keep track of their children through the use of cell phones, emails and online monitoring of academic grades.

This makes it even easier for a parent to slip into the helicopter parenting trap, so one must be very cautious and aware in order to prevent it.

9 Other Parenting Styles at a Glance

A few other parenting styles have been identified such as;

Attachment Parenting: A parenting style stemming from the psychological attachment theory. Child-centered Parenting: This style focuses on the real needs and the uniqueness of each child. Positive Parenting: Similar to the authoritative parenting style this style is defined by consistent support and guidance through the stages of development. Narcissistic Parenting: Sadly, this parenting style comes from the fact that the parent has a narcissistic personality disorder that affects the way the child is being raised. Nurturant Parenting: An encouraging parenting style where the child is expected to explore their surroundings with the protection from the parents. This is expected to improve a child’s self image, social skills and academic performance, so that the child grows up to be a mature, happy and well-balanced adult. Slow Parenting: A parenting style that encourages parents to organize and plan less for their children and allow them to enjoy their childhood and explore the world at their own pace instead. Toxic Parenting: A poor parenting style that is characterized by a toxic relationship between the parent and the child. Behaviors of toxic parenting include talking over their child, being overly critical towards the child, and using guilt to control the child. Dolphin Parenting: A parenting style providing a balance between a strict approach and an approach that completely lacks rules whatsoever. These parents try not to be overprotective and take the desires and goals of their children into consideration when setting expectations for behaviour and academics. Alloparenting Parenting Style: A practice of raising children by both biological parents and extended family or community members.

The Negative Impact of Parenting — are You the Reason Why Your Child is Unhappy?

Reading so far, perhaps you have figured out that some parenting styles are worse than others.

Especially from a child perspective.

Studies have shown different outcomes regarding child development depending on parenting style.

Some styles actually produce unhappy children!

The Outcome of an Authoritarian Parenting Style

The strict discipline and control that characterises this parenting style generally lead to obedient and accomplished children who tend to follow rules.

However, their obedience comes at a price.

These children rank lower in happiness, social competence, and self-esteem.

They often suffer from depression and self-blame.

Their low self-esteem comes from never getting their voices heard and opinions valued by their parents.

They may do well in school, but also likely grow up to be highly anxious, not realising their full potential.

These children might become hostile or aggressive, focusing on the anger they feel toward their overly strict parents. They risk growing up becoming good liars in order to avoid punishment.

When children in this environment enter the adolescence years, they might turn against their parents and rebel, or retreat into escapist behaviours such as substance abuse.

They are also at a heightened risk for suicide.

The Outcome of a Permissive Parenting Style

Thinking there can’t be anything wrong with being a friend rather than a parent? Not have any rules and rarely discipline your child?

Perhaps you’ll rethink your parenting strategy after learning about these findings:

Children of permissive parents often rank low in happiness.

They are more likely to perform poorly in school and struggle academically.

They don’t appreciate authority and rules, and exhibit behavioural problems as a result.

Their self-esteem is often low.

As permissive parents struggle to limit junk food intake, their children are at a higher risk of food related health problems like obesity.

They are also more likely to have dental problems, since their parents don’t enforce good habits such as teeth brushing.

They may feel more entitled to privileges and material goods.

A word of caution is at place if you’re thinking about abruptly changing your permissive parenting style, and becoming more authoritative.

Suddenly setting rules and becoming more strict, could be an issue if the child is older and has grown up in a less strict environment.

If you try to regain control, an older child would likely perceive that effort to be a power struggle.

The child might fight back in ways that aren’t optimal and could be dangerous, such as sexual rebellion or substance abuse.

These children never learn to control their own behaviour. They expect to get their way and are more impulsive. This might lead them into situations where they engage in misconduct such as drug use.

Some children of permissive parents have, however, ended up emotionally secure, independent and willing to learn and accept defeat.

These will mature quickly and are able to live their life without the help of someone else.

The Outcome of an Uninvolved Parenting Style

The Uninvolved Parenting Style rank lowest across all life domains.

Children with uninvolved parents have lower self-esteem, lack self-control and are also less competent than their peers.

They often perform poorly in school.

Behaviour problems are common in these children.

They rank low in happiness.

Uninvolved parents will pay a high price throughout life by their indifference or inability to deal with their child.

What is the Most Effective Parenting Style for Anyone Aspiring to be the Parent of the Year?

After reading the negative impact the wrong type of parenting can have on your child, you might have noticed that one approach wasn’t mentioned.

Research shows that the Authoritative parenting style doesn’t have many side effects at all. It is regarded as the style with most advantages and the best-adjusted children.

The Authoritative parenting style results in children who are happy, capable, independent and successful!

Since authoritative parents are often viewed as fair and reasonable, their children are more likely to comply with their parents’ requests.

The rules provided come with explanations to why the rules exist, making children more likely to comply, internalize lessons and learn what’s right and wrong.

This upbringing teaches them how to be good decision makers, and to evaluate safety risks on their own.

They become responsible adults, comfortable expressing their opinions.

A study from 2014 on teens drinking habits related to their parents parenting style sends a clear message:

The teens least prone to heavy drinking had parents who scored high on both accountability and warmth (authoritative).

The teens with strict or authoritarian parents more than doubled their risk of heavy drinking. Those parents provide little warmth but score high on accountability.

Permissive parents, those low on accountability and high on warmth, nearly tripled the risk of their teen participating in heavy drinking.

Since they are more likely to become successful, generous, well liked by others around them and capable of self-determination, perhaps they don’t feel the need to engage in activities such as heavy drinking to prove something?

Compared to children brought up in the other parenting styles, authoritarian parents raise kids who develop more into competent teens and adults.

Who wouldn’t want a result like that?

Does it all Depend on the Parenting Style?

Well, it’s not as simple as that unfortunately.

Not only the chosen parenting style affects if a child turns out happy and successful. Other things matter as well.

The Child’s Personality and Peer Influence

A child’s personality and environment such as what friends they socialise with matters.

These things also affect the outcome:

The child’s temperament and how it “fits” with the parents.

The child’s behaviour.

The influence of a child’s peer group.

Cultural Factors

Cultural factors and cross-cultural variations may contradict the foundings above.

A recent study from Spain has shown that the authoritative style continues to be the best one for children (following older studies reporting the same result in Spain, Portugal and Brazil).

In Asia, the authoritarian style has been found to be as good as the authoritative style.

Different Parenting Styles within the Family

Another interesting aspect that needs to be considered is that each individual parent within a family could display different styles.

One parent could be more authoritative and the other more permissive.

A situation like that could lead to mixed signals.

In order to create a cohesive approach to parenting it is important that parents can cooperate and combine their parenting styles.

Set Yourself up for Parenting Success!

Now you have more insights on how to be the best parent for your child!

Hopefully you feel more confident knowing that those rules and limits your child fights you about are crucial.

As long as those rules are explained and the child is being a part of the solution. As long as the child is always met with love, warmth and care.

Few of us fit perfectly into one single parenting style, but rather use a combination of parenting styles. However, by now you know which parenting styles to avoid and which to adopt more fully.

By doing so you’ll find parenting success in no time and your child will love and appreciate you for it!

Sources:

Baumrind. D (1967) Child care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behaviours. Genetic Psychology Monographs 75(1), 43–88