THE HARSH TRUTH ABOUT MY KNOWLEDGE — LOVING HAS ITS CONSEQUENCES.
By: Alexia Caesar
Tags: Love, Knowledge, Personal Growth, Wonderland

LOSING YOURSELF (Google Images)

“To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed.”― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones.

Come along for the ride. Join me in jumping into the rabbit hole, discover the madness that is my wonderland. Where there is a bittersweet love story about a man who lost it all and turned into the king of hearts vowing to never love again. This chilling story shook me to my core. His voice a soft as the morning star, something harmonious about it, a strange melody for each whisper he mused to me. Was he perfect? No. Charming? Yes. But not in a way that you would think. Although his outer demeanour resembled one of a prince, he was far from that. It appeared he was just as broken as those who lived here in wonderland.

The more you got to know this prince the more you realised he was more Cheshire Cat “We are all mad here. I’m mad, you’re mad as well.” But how would he know if I was mad? Can he tell that I am broken as well? Is it not tiring chasing after a person who hurts you to the point you feel numb?

Discarded Heart (Google Images)

Tell me king of hearts? Do you really know what it means to Love? A four letter word that holds so much meaning. They throw around the word so recklessly. For example: I love Chinese food, I love horror and thriller movies and books. I love who I am madness and all but dear king; I don’t know how to determine if I love you. Why? Because I don’t know what love is.

To All The Boys: P.S. I Still Love You

The media depict love as if it was a fairytale and mostly, we the viewers feed into that. But what they don’t show you is the feeling of losing that love for someone. Or even how to know realistically you love someone.

Couple drifting apart (Google Images)

When a man loves a woman, they will move mountains to make their woman happy and somewhat safe. But what if that wasn’t the correct way to love someone? What if you needed to understand each other love language in order to make a relationship work?

The 5 love languages (Pinterest Image)

There are known to be 5 types of love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of service, Receiving gifts, Quality time and last but not least physical touch. Each of these factors are important and displays love in their own way. If you can identify those in a partner before saying the big ‘L’ word then it may stop you from getting hurt.

When taking this test I learnt my love language, this is highly beneficial for anyone who is to ever get into a relationship with me. I’m sure as hell not very interested in receiving gifts, I don’t care for materialistic thing, I just want your attention, I need to hear that you are “proud of me” I want you to hug me when things feel like they are falling apart. Even when things are okay, I want to know that you are committed to being with me. But what do you actually want, what is your love language? If you seek words of affirmation, then I can give you that, if you want quality time together then I shall give you that but it will cost you. What is it? Well, I thought it was already clear.

Your majesty, I will give you my trust, my heart, if you will do the same. I need you to love yourself more that you love me but not arrogantly. Like I say you are charming but not in a good way. Stop focusing on things that happened in the past and focus on the now, then the future will be less unknown and scary. If you give me your heart, then I shall not abuse it. I will cherish every moment and live to grant you the thing that you need the most.

Honesty. Building the foundation of a relationship based on a lie is something that you fear the most and I have experienced the same so between us we both need the affirmation that we are honest with one another. Feelings aren’t something you can switch off there is always going to be someone who makes you give up and makes you go back into the dark, but don’t be afraid of what you will find in the dark, you never know you may find someone who is your light in the dark times.

King Of Hearts Anime Boy (Google Images)

King of hearts, do you understand how hard it is for me to tell you exactly how I feel because I am competing with a woman that has broken every part of you. Yet you still go back to that vixen. How can I compete with her? I’m nothing special.

My best friend is the mad hatter and we have regular tea parties where I pour all my soul out in my baked cookies, the secret recipe being the tears I’ve shed countless nights for you, would you like to try one? Oh, would you like more tea? Yes. Well, help yourself. He thinks you are mad as well for torturing yourself so much, chasing on a love that had died out the moment you both parted ways. Do you enjoy tormenting yourself? No. Then why do it?

Now, don’t take this confession as a sign of weakness or a desperate plea to make you feel guilty about my attraction or about the measures you have taken. This takes a lot of strength to admit, to confess these feelings are a blessing in disguise.

Although, there is something I want you to realise. I’m not always going to be around, I cannot continue giving you the same amount of energy that I had given you before, I can’t keep wasting my time. Time is precious, everything requires time. Getting over a lover takes time, discovering the type of person you want to be take time as well. Knowing you are supposed to be with someone who is better to you than anyone you’ve met really takes an immense amount of time.

I’ve spent so much time in my life being afraid. I was once scared of the dark, well not necessarily the dark itself but what they hid in the dark. I wasn’t afraid of heights it was but I was afraid to fall. I’m not afraid to be in love. I’m afraid that no one will love me back. I live my life constantly living in fear and I know I’m not the only one. I live in a time where men will blame their ex’s for pain that they caused on them and then generalise woman as liars because of that one person. Here is the truth. I am not her; she is not me.

All women and men are not the same. They will not treat you the same way someone else has. But in order for you to know that you have to identify what you want in the person you are looking to pursue. Grieving over someone you one loved takes time to heal. Maybe you aren’t ready to get into a relationship again, and that’s fine but talk to someone who maybe understand the pain you are going through.

Is it possible for a boy and girl who are both two pieces of a broken heart to be joint together and make a perfect harmony? I believe it is. But who knows? Only time will tell.