5 Things I Learnt Spending My Birthday and Christmas In A Mental Clinic
Tags: Mental Illness, Christmas, Storytelling, Experience, Mental Health

This year I didn’t want anything for my birthday nor did I really want to acknowledge it. Purely from that shows I’m not in the right heads pace, but that’s OK. Instead, I’m in a clinic surrounded by loud characters and here’s what I’ve learnt.

Coffee and tea on tap

When being woken up by my rackety roommate, I steadily got out of bed to brush my teeth and wash my face (tasks that I find hard to do currently).The smell of coffee got me quickly to sit down at the table and eat the same bread rolls and condiments we get given everyday. The coffee quickly ran out as the guy next to me drank his portion from a cereal bowl a few times over. Even then, his eyes were still drooped like mine from the meds.

We asked for more coffee and I realised how the constant coffee and tea on tap was a blessing within this white washed clinic. At least when feeling blue, I can go get some tea or coffee for free.

As my three clinic friends congratulated me with another cup of coffee I thought how I will have a lot of time today doing… nothing. First thing first, outdoor walk awaits.

Outdoor walk is a blessing

The short but sweet outdoor walk around the campus miraculously wakes you up from the fresh air. Although we are only allowed to walk around the campus, it’s better than nothing. Walking side by side like skeletons seasons your mind with a motive of connection. As we walk for a few minutes, the layout of stones sets your brain into action about how certain effects make you feel. The different combinations s called Wahrnehmungsrad — the recognition path, so when you walk along, you become more attuned into your body and mind.

This short spaziergang (walk in German), let me start the day afresh with new intentions and recognition that although my mind is not in the right place, my feet are and I can still move and be in sync with my body. Next thing I learnt when spending my birthday in a mental clinic is:

Strangers can be kind

The people I live with suffer from all sorts of troubling diagnosis. Personally, I’m not sure what it all is but shows me how complex the brain is. As I woke up and entered the dining room, one man shouted happy birthday and another invited me for dinner (impossible here, but sweet suggestion). Instantly, it showed me that even though these mixed up people are strangers, they still are only human. It is in our human nature to be kind, even in the darkest of days. This gave me hope and I felt humbled that some people congratulated me — that is enough for me.

Its the first year I don’t want anything for my birthday except to just be with my loved ones. Luckily, I got half an hour slots with three of my favourite people here this afternoon. 30 minutes of chat with my dear ones is not much, so the next thing I learnt when spending my birthday in the mental clinic is:

Don’t take your loved ones for granted

We do thus without realising. Growing up, celebrating birthdays and being around one another regularly is a right we thought nobody can take from us… until mental health issues come in-between. My loved ones have booked their appointments in with me today and it makes me feel very grateful for the years passed when I could freely be with them. This time round, I’ll enjoy every moment even more with the clock ticking. The next thing I learnt when spending my birthday in a mental clinic is that I must:

Stay strong

There’s nothing but to be strong in this place. Many noises, actions and spontaneous signals from people cause you to feel on edge where being strong is the only option. I could cry all day here as it isn’t the most ideal place to be when there’s a woman shouting for her keys to her house and a guy running around spilling water everywhere.

Everywhere you go in here is like a prison, in effect we are in a prison just with some chairs and couches to make it feel more homely. However, on my birthday I sat at a desk and tried to be strong to write this out and let you know that birthdays are only just another day. Last but not least, being here has given me:

Time to contemplate

Time is of the essence. Time goes by so slowly here because you don’t do much. My birthday has shown me that we have time to realise in effect how lucky we are to be with time and let it roll by. Another year, another year wiser maybe, right? Never in a million years did I think I’d be in a mental clinic for my birthday but here I am, so theres no need to complain about it bur rather live with it.

I am contemplating on how delicate the brain is and how we are all very sad on the inside waiting to be saved. So now I’m giving my soul and heart to the Lord and letting him rule my life for the next 26 years. I’m no way near the place I wanted to be at this age, it im going to let go of that pressure, pain and resistance and instead embrace the opportunity to be a better me.