I Want a Future Where I Won’t Be Judged For Being a Bisexual Parent
By: Laura Fox
Tags: LGBTQ, Self, Prompt, Parenting, Equality

I Want a Future Where I Won’t Be Judged For Being a Bisexual Parent

I want bisexuality to be so normalised and valid that there’s no scary “coming out” process.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels

As a bisexual woman in a heterosexual marriage, it’s easy for me to hide my sexuality. And with the addition of a child, it’s even easier for me to pass as straight. I enjoy this privilege because it keeps me safe.

The thought of other parents finding out I am not straight terrifies me. When I am being my usual, friendly self to the other parents at playgroup, I can’t help but wonder what they would think if they found out. Then I look at my daughter. One day I will have to tell her I am bisexual. I don’t know what terrifies me more.

There are approximately nine million people in the UK who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. However, bisexual people are far less likely to be “out”. So whilst I am not alone, it can feel very lonely because I have no idea if anyone around me is bisexual too.

Throw parenting into the mix, and it feels lonelier. According to research, bisexual parents experience greater levels of stress. Possible reasons for this were discussed in the study:

Earlier research also finds that bisexual parents experience greater difficulties, possibly because of the discrimination that bisexual people face. They also receive less partner support: they are more likely to be single parents — 61% in this study, compared to 47% of lesbian/gay parents and 29% of heterosexual parents.

I’m not sure I experience more stress as a parent on a daily basis due to my bisexuality. But it does give me worries that non-bisexual parents will never experience.

When people find out about my bisexuality, they project a set of traits onto you. Suddenly I have questionable morals, even if they know I’m a good person. Suddenly, I’m more likely to cheat on my husband. I’m insatiable and look at everyone is a sexual way.

Usually, the insist I’m actually straight and just need to make up my mind.

The topic of sexuality came up with a fellow mom, and I revealed I was bisexual. Everything she had said up until that point led me to believe she was tolerant and accepting. I was heartbroken when she started to make fun of me and question my character.

This is why I worry so much. People won’t see me anymore. They will see the label of “bisexual” and question everything they know about me. What hurts the most is they will question my parenting. If I’m seen as “morally deviant” I won’t be seen as a good mother.

Bisexual parents are more common than we realise. According to the William’s Institute, 59% of bisexual women are mothers and 32% are fathers. Over 80% of bisexual people end up in hererosexual relationships. So there are a lot of parents like me who are bisexual and are raising their children with someone of a different gender. But I still feel lonely and afraid. And I’d wager they feel exactly the same.

My hope for the future is an idealistic one, where bisexuality is so normalised that there’s no “coming out” process. People can say “I’m bi” as if they are talking about the weather, and everyone moves on. My hope is that bisexuality is seen as valid, so when someone says they are bi their orientation or character isn’t questioned. And most of all, I hope bisexual parents like me are viewed as being just like any other parent so we don’t have to hide our sexuality like it’s something to be ashamed of.

I believe society is moving in the right direction. People are becoming more tolerant and inclusive. There’s still a heck of a lot of work to be done, but it looks promising.

I hope this means the next generation of parents won’t feel lonely and stigmatised for being bisexual.