What if i don’t know what I want in life?
By: Nitesh Gianchandani
Tags: Focus, Personal Development, Decision Making, Careers, Coaching

1. Embrace not knowing

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, but sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself. — Unknown.

It is perfectly okay not knowing what you want to do next, especially when it comes to your career. But on one condition, you ACKNOWLEDGE and DECIDE that you do not know.

The mind, being the powerful tool that it is, follows the command of your decision. When you DECIDE you do not know, you command it to move places and circumstances to make sure you have the answer.

The problem with most people is, they do not acknowledge and DECIDE that they do not know. They pretend to have it all figured out when their subconscious mind is really trying to tell them something else. What happens is, they stand in the middle of the door not knowing whether to get in or get out.

So if you do not know, say it and mean it. Better, ask for advice from others.

2. Practice Gratitude

Acknowledging what you already have in your life is the foundation of all abundance — Eckhart Tolle

There are times when we plan, and there are times to just sit back and be thankful.

Just got laid out and not know what to do next? Be grateful for what you KNOW and HAVE in your life!

Gratitude isn’t just a wishy-washy, new-age, feel-good concept. Gratitude brings your mind to the present moment, clear the clutter in your head and gets you to focus on what you ALREADY HAVE in your life vs the opposite.

Or in simple terms, you start focusing on abundance vs lack.

When you focus on Abundance, which is truly your natural state of being, more ideas like it will be attracted to you.

3. Master the art of making decisions (We can learn this from Jeff Bezos)

In X years, will I regret not doing this? YES : Do it. NO : Don’t bother. — Regret Minimization Technique by Jeff Bezos.

Decision making is tough. Some of the reasons we don’t make great decisions (or we don’t make them at all) are:

We’re too scared to make mistakes.

We’ve never truly practiced decision making (Due to the first point).

We don’t have enough information (Or we think we don’t, which brings us back to the first point).

Let us learn about this from the master himself, Jeff Bezos.

On bezos’ 2017 letter to his shareholders, he share some really powerful tips on Decision Making. The full article is here, but i’d quote a paragraph for you.

Most decisions should probably be made with somewhere around 70% of the information you wish you had. If you wait for 90%, in most cases, you’re probably being slow. Plus, either way, you need to be good at quickly recognizing and correcting bad decisions. If you’re good at course correcting, being wrong may be less costly than you think, whereas being slow is going to be expensive for sure.

The key here is to make decisions fast, with as much information as we need. If we make mistakes, we could reverse it later. But in the long run, making no decisions hurt us more than making the wrong decisions.

Or in Jordan’s terms,

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

4. Realize that all path leads to Rome

If you’re doing your best, you won’t have to ever worry about Failure. — H Jackson Brown Jr.

One of the BIGGEST realization came to me from the words of a friend.

As I was asking him what shall I be doing with my life, he sipped a beer and told me,

“Ultimately, you could succeed in any field. You just need to do your best and serve your stakeholders well. That’s it.”

If you focus on service, you wouldn’t really think too much. You would grab anything that’s in front of your eyes, do your best and make sure your stakeholders (Clients, Co-Workers, Investors etc) have the BEST EXPERIENCE with whatever product / service you’re offering.

5. Warren Buffett’s 25/5 Strategy (?)

To ignite your life, you have to just focus on one thing long enough for it to catch fire. — Gary Keller

What’s amazing is, this tip didn’t actually come from Warren Buffett. In the 2013 Berkshire Hathaway Stakeholder’s meeting, he debunked ever quoting it.

I personally haven’t really tried this one, but this may help you narrow your focus. Original article is right here, let me quote it for you.

Write down a list of your top 25 career goals.

Circle the five most important goals that truly speak to you. These are your most urgent goals and highest priorities to focus on.

Cross off the other 20 goals you have listed that hold less importance.

For me personally, I wouldn’t cross the remaining 20 off. I would keep them as a “Later” or “Someday” goal and would revert to them whenever I have plenty of free time. But on times you’re focusing on your top 5, top 3 or top 2, forget the other 20.

6. Start Journaling.

Journaling is like whispering to yourself and listening at the same time. — Mina Murray, Dracula.

Journaling is a GREAT WAY to gain clarity over your life.

There are many ways to journal, but really the best way is different for everybody. Just grab a pad & pen, and just start writing ANYTHING that comes to your mind.

My journaling strategy is pretty simple, I call it Peeling the onion. This is how I do it.

I focus on the right part of the brain and just write down ANYTHING that comes to my mind, no matter how random. (For example: I don’t know what to do with my life.)

I ask Why. (Why Don’t I know what I want to do with my life?”

I keep asking why until I reach the root of the problem. Do not judge, be objective. (In this case, perhaps I was too afraid to waste my time doing the wrong thing).

After this exercise, you’d realize 90% of your unwanted thoughts are gone.

Fun Tip: While writing, visualize you’re transferring the contents of your brain to the paper. Feel the relief in your head as this happen.

7. Meditate.

Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak. — Ma Jaya Sati Bhagawati

I know, I know.

“My head is filled with junk that I can’t control, I need to figure out what I need to do by next week and you want me to sit down and observe my thoughts?”

Yes, and no.

Meditation is basically a process of you realizing that whatever chatter happening in your mind is not the real you. Those are information that you pick up from outside, that is mostly driven by fear.

And no, you don’t have to always “watch your thoughts”. There are other ways to meditate, too.

I was an over-thinker for WAY TOO LONG, and one meditation style fits me perfectly.

They call it the BOX Meditation technique. Full explanation of it here.

This meditation style is SO SIMPLE, can be done ANYWHERE and is EXTREMELY POWERFUL.

So, if you’re not in a position to “Observe your thoughts”, try this instead. You will feel much calmer, you realize your thoughts subside and your head feels lighter.

8. Get a Coach.

Everybody should have a coach. — Erich Schmidt, Google CEO.

Coaches aren’t similar to Mentors or Motivational Speakers. They do not tell you what to do, and give you advice when what you needed is to just talk.

Coaches are more like listeners, and diggers. Their duty is to listen to you as you speak, and ask questions so you eventually figure out the answer yourself.

Think about peeling the onion, but someone else does the questioning for you.

I’ve hired a coach in my life, who eventually became my very good friend and he helped me make some tough decisions in my life. I will forever be grateful for his presence in my life.

Consider hiring a coach to help you make your own decisions. It’s one of the best decisions you could make for your future.