Losing a One-Man Race
By: Anthony Bialy
Tags: Politics, Constitution, Donald Trump, Republican Party, Conservatives

Not being the other awful person will have to suffice. Did everyone enjoy the race? Cheer for tripping. People seem even happier than usual, and I credit the culmination of an election season that seemed as joyous as the conditions enveloping it.

Trump versus not Trump was the most 2020 outcome possible. A guy who claims to not be a politician remains the entire focus of politics. Fate laughs at anyone who thought the election was over just because it ended.

When will we be able to decipher what Trump thinks? It’s never too late to learn about the personality of the world’s most famous man. His biggest fans know the least about him. The dwindling incumbent is renowned for hiding from attention. Trump is a real Bob Dylan enigmatic type. His takes, they are a-changin’.

Joe Biden’s only case is who he’s not. If you thought 2020 was fun, wait until the next four years. The optimist would prefer candidates running on more than the other one being virus-level horrendous.

Today’s underwhelming approach means promoted participants have no accomplishments of their own about which to boast. An inept dolt can’t promise to not harass the populace. The best possible political hopefuls keep making the mistake of showing who they are.

Mirroring Trump by noting he was the one who sucked was the first wise move the professional plagiarist ever made. Biden chose the only reasonable option after a wholly unproductive adult life. Unfortunately, he lone skill is staying in office. Some dreamers would prefer a candidate who can gesture to accomplishments, or at least justifiable stances. But being less awful by comparison is how idealism occurs practically today.

Every sicko who somehow enjoys politics likes being dominated by one personality. Trump got what he wanted from the presidency, so thank the genie for granting the wish literally.

A person who’s spent his life attempting to figure out how he should act based on what’s trendy totally isn’t a politician. This is the same Trump who switched parties based on what’s popular, which features tremendous integrity if that means the precise opposite of what it always has.

Watching the man who’s still president for 20 more minutes try to latch on to trends with a carabiner spray-painted gold is most mortifying if you fell for it. Their mouthy dreamboat inspired them to treat admitting fault as the most cardinal of sins. Also, your god is telling you to switch opinions again to align with his.

If you think it’s sad when a person’s entire essence is based on how he’s seen, wait until you hear what it says about us. Both adulators and haters should take super pride in how someone dedicated to image dominated the era.

Trump will always be the ’80s movie villain trying to knock down the youth center to build a profit tower. I already miss how he changes his beliefs based on what he thinks will get him votes paired with a crude restatement of conservative ideology. That particularly charming quirk remains the opposite of brave outsider integrity. Guess who’s the biggest politician of them all. The mystery should’ve been solved instantly half a decade ago.

Trump adores the focus in the same sense Hillary Clinton is a bit resentful about losing. A WWE Hall of Famer cherishes the boos even as he makes it his life purpose to condemn anyone issuing them. He’d have no purpose without being loathed, which is why the Joker keeps breaking free despite Batman’s best alleged efforts. The one thing we’ve learned is Trump is neither a superhero nor master villain.

Hasn’t spending every moment glaring at glowing screens where anyone can contact anyone taught us how to cope with trolls? It would’ve been much better to have shrugged while ignoring his ranting. Trump’s talent is getting his enemies to be as emotional as he is. Drag others into the mud to inspire like a president should.

Crazy optimists fantasize about an election where each side makes a pitch on concepts. John Lennon wasn’t the only dreamer. But personality is policy when every contender intends to intervene. Identity-based elections inevitably revolve around which hopeful savior will create prosperity with a gentle gesture. Well, your president isn’t going to trust you with some job.

A referendum on one person doesn’t seem like much of a choice, even if it offers a chance to stop using words like “referendum” conversationally. Trump will loom over the Biden presidency specter-style like the new guy cursed out Christmas.

The inauguration of the new guy will come just in time to figure out what kind of empty attention whore the last one is. Figuring out how we got screwed over at the end is way better than learning in, say, 2016, or when he hosted a reality show, or in the early 1980s when it was obvious his boasting was to attract attention from his lack of achievements. We expect as little from Biden, who is so useless he made politics his career.