Caring for Others
By: Cari Rae
Tags: Human Psychology, Kindness, Helping Others, Caring, Harmony

There is great freedom and joy in caring and providing support for others. I would argue that if one is truly full within his or her own life and self, there is no better ROI than giving to fellow brothers and sisters. It has immediate and tangible returns. The reverberation between two people who have a mutual bond, trust, and felt compassion for one another is perhaps one of the greatest sensations to experience. This can be exchanged between strangers, lovers, family, friends, even enemies. It is something which humans always have access to, if they remain open and there is the intention.

But it can also be convoluted. I feel this is so because most tend to not be clear within themselves, about just how full and balanced they are. About how honest they are capable of being with themselves. About their capacity for holding true compassion for themselves, and therefore others. It is wonderful to have good intentions and want to help one’s fellow humans, but one can not truly do this — rather, one directly confuses and often inhibits this process — if one is not in harmony with oneself. And this is a difficult thing. Because one is always limited in his or her ability to perceive given their current capacity. How does one really know if they are in harmony with themselves? What are the signs and symptoms? If I am happy in my life, am I not in harmony?

I do not feel general happiness is a good litmus test.

For happiness is fleeting, isn’t it? Happiness is not a state of being. It is temporary, and often based on external factors which are in perpetual fluctuation. One might be happy in a relationship, but when the other person leaves them, the happiness seems to leave with that other person. One might be happy with their house, their job, their friends, their endeavors. But should those things be taken away, should the nature of their relationship to those things change, will the happiness remain? This is a difficult question. But it is one which is important to contemplate within oneself.

What is the difference between happiness and contentment?

The definition of “happy” is: 1. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment 2. fortunate and convenient.

The definition of “content” is: 1. a state of satisfaction. 2. in a state of peaceful happiness.

The two words are somewhat contained within one another’s definitions, so it is confusing. In my understanding, happiness is more aligned with a state of pleasure and fortune (often derived from without), and contentment is satisfaction and peace (often derived from within). A good way to play with these concepts in one’s own life is to ask throughout the day, “If I didn’t have this [person, place, thing], would I still feel as good as I feel now?” If whatever the thing is, is someday gone and the feeling of inner peace, and the non-fluctuation of joy remains, then one is in harmony. One should not need any person, place, or thing to depend on his own sense of inner peace and contentment. There may be some things which lend themselves to feeling at ease, and having to devote less energy outside of oneself than other things, sure. There are some things which one may prefer over other things, of course. Taste is taste. But whether one is working diligently everyday, or in repose, if one is surrounded by many or alone, the feeling within should not fluctuate too greatly.

One who is in this state is not only in harmony within, he is in harmony with his environment. He abides by it and adjusts with it as is demanded of him by nature. He does not take this personally, or change his state of being based on changing demands. His peace cannot be taken from him, and he is solidified in his inner being. One cannot cast him out of that state. Rather, one may only bend towards it, and harmonize with it — as it is often a relief and a joy to interact with such a person — or refuse, and remain in the defenses and antics of the ego.

I believe all humans wish to be in this sort of state, but rarely find it, or perhaps are unaware this is so. All are capable, but few are willing to do the work to discover themselves, at the bottom of everything. For the attachments available to one in this world of experience are captivating. They are distracting and often marvelous. I recognize it would seem a pity to have to surrender them long enough to obtain some state of being which cannot be perceived or comprehended. Which one has no frame of reference for.

But if one is honest with him or herself and can sense they are not in harmony within — perhaps they are working towards understanding what that means, or perhaps they are not concerned with such things and are rather just trying to enjoy the dual nature of reality by fully submerging themselves within the experience — this may be a good indication to refrain from trying to direct others. That’s not to say building bonds and enjoying experiences with others isn’t a good or pleasurable endeavor. It’s also not to say that trying to be kind towards others and lend oneself is not an honorable thing to practice. It is only to say that trying to “help” others, namely by trying to convince others of “how they should be”, may not create more harmony. Rather, it may only serve to validate more of one’s own experience. Which may or may not be aligned with the empirical truth of nature.

In understanding this, and in having humility to one’s experience and capacity, I find it is often more helpful to listen than to speak. And more helpful to seek ways with which it becomes easier and easier to listen to the resonation within. To constantly question things which provoke one’s emotions to the point of peaks and valleys. To question one’s motives and desire to help others. To question one’s own ability to be equitable within oneself. And to be in touch with one’s own heart, and one’s own understanding of what contentment means and feels like.

I have been trying for years to learn, understand, and practice this. To understand where this desire to want to help everyone but oneself comes from. And to observe my own state of being in this. One thing I feel confident in saying I’ve learned, is that sharing one’s gifts, one’s unique talents, seems to unanimously be “helpful”. In the sense that one’s creations or expressions which come from the heart tend to uplift others and provide a sense of hope and connection with others. But it has to come from the heart and the desire to be connected and in tune with oneself.

This is my experience.

For if one wishes to save the world, one must first save themselves.