How to Argue Good: Values! and Opinions
By: Caeona Murdoch
Tags: Values, Opinion, Self Improvement, Sensemaking, Debate

Hold onto your coffee and grab a friend! This is revolutionarily basic! Why is nobody taught this stuff in school? Seriously?

What is the difference between holding values, and holding opinions?

The difference between opinions and values needs to be clarified even though it seems really obvious. But if it were obvious, then people would not consistently mistake someone's opinions for their values.

Take a minute and try to parse out the difference for yourself right now. Have you ever mistaken somebody's opinion, as a core value they hold? It happens all the time, without any thought to it.

Opinions, by definition, need not be true. Opinions are judgments, and they can change. It is important to realize your opinions can change with new information, and there is no shame in that. Actually, it shows the strength of character and your ability to think rationally. Again, it seems obvious, but it's not something we tend to think about, since it's often easier to just have an opinion and stick to it.

Values are all about what we inherently think is good, or bad, as a culture of society. There is a long, long list. Here is a link to an article listing 50 core values that can be identified. It's not exhaustive, and we all prioritize them differently. These are single words, but most people grasp their meaning and act on them without thinking about it.

I am of the opinion, that most people share similar values, especially when they live in the same culture and area. However, I have also observed that most people do not share the same opinions on how to go about achieving those values.

So do you want to know the trick to grounding any argument or debate into more reason and integrity? I think this might be mighty helpful. And it's an easy one.

Look for and identify shared values first, rather than cutting right to the mucky swamp of everyone's opinions. This helps set up a debate or conversation to be in good faith, to be nuanced, and to go somewhere productive.

Opinions are so nuanced, often personal, often dependent on elusive ‘facts’ and ‘science’ that you should ‘google yourself’. Opinions change, that's why you are arguing right? You are trying to change someone's opinion, although these days and especially online, that ends up just reinforcing someone's opinion rather then swaying it. Again, there is no shame in changing your opinion based on a better argument, that's actually a good thing when its based on an actually better argument. But it can feel like you are betraying your values (which always feels uncomfortable, for a reason), if you do not make the distinction.

Values, on the other hand, can ground a conversation in a way that allows both parties to find common ground, to understand the other, and to give them a strong, unswaying foundation for their reasoning. It makes it easier to change opinions because you both respect the grounding and often common values. Even if your values are not perfectly aligned, they are archetypal and broad enough for anyone to understand. And, if you make really clear where you stand with your core values, then it does not feel like you are betraying them when your opinion is swayed, since all parties will understand the difference.

Of course, you can also argue about what values mean and what the nuances are in your differing sense of those values, but those are big-think debates. Worthy debates, yes, and they still start out with shared values and then branch out into opinions about those values.

For most basic arguments, starting out by finding shared values is a great way to argue good.

For example; I value honesty, friendship, and integrity. Of course, my value list is pretty long, but these are top-notch. Most people value honesty, friendship, and integrity as well, and by getting this out in the open you make it clear that you are on the same team. It eliminates the immediate need to put people in the in-group or out-group. If you group people by common values, we are pretty much all in it together (unless your evil, but that's another topic).

Maybe, I value honesty in the press. I am sure, most people do. We are all on the same team here, we just have diverse opinions on how honest our popular press is and what to do about it. But stating that value makes it clear, usually, that the goal is the same. We want the press to uphold our values in honesty.

Makes sense right? It's a pretty simple little trick, and usually, it works. Of course, things can still go terribly wrong in a debate grounded in values, but experience tells me it's less likely to go super duper wrong and more likely to result in a stronger understanding or a newly realized shared goal.

Iv taken this advice seriously when debating both online and in person. I have very strong values, but by gosh the details and sometimes the whole structure of my models of the world and my opinions change often. I value my relationships very much though, and so I hate to really offend or upset people when I go through an opinionated phase (these phases are a whole nother post that needs to be written).

So in response to these realizations, I posted this on Facebook as a PSA, since I get a little wild with my research and ever-changing opinions and wanted to clear the air with anybody who was butthurt by that, and this pretty much sums up my point really nicely:

“What I have come to realize is that my opinion is fluid and changeable, and that is good. I am not tied down to any one viewpoint. My opinions grow, and change as I do, and they allow new information in and old information out, or the other way around. I can have different opinions then my best friends, but we still know where we stand with each other because of shared values. Sometimes, I allow myself to hold an opinion that opposes my values in order to explore it.

BUT my BEHAVIOR is based on my values, not on opinions.

My Values are solid, based on bedrock. Although I like to refine and clarify and discover more about my values, they are innate and unchangeable. My strongest relationships are based on a shared respect and understanding of these base values and I take them seriously. Freedom, Friendship, Compassion, Reason, Authenticity, Integrity, etc. I base myself in the world on these values, I orient myself and use them to make life choices. I base my behavior on my values.”

As you can see, it is rather nuanced. But I got a lot of really good feedback from my friends and family on Facebook from this post, and related posts. They know where I stand even when my opinions get a little crazy in the process of exploration. I can even explore contradictory opinions that seem to oppose my core values, because my values are solid and based on bedrock, and to find out why an opinion sucks I need to explore it.

That's the hack, friends. Try grounding your next discussion, argument, the debate in common values. I would love to hear if it made a difference! Leave a comment below, and feel free to start a debate if you want to have a practice round, I will partake!

**Your here for my opinions, not my grammar! I hope…

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Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more musings on sensemaking and communication. Tis my passion! If you like what you read, and want to support my writing and my art, feel free to Buy Me A Coffee!. You can find my visual art and follow me on instagram as well!