5 Things You Need to Unlearn About Yourself for a Better Life
By: Neha Ravindra
Tags: Self Improvement, Learning, Education, Life, Self Love

“It matters what people think about you.”

It can be really hard to not worry about what other people think about you. Wanting to be liked, approved of, smiled at, and applauded is a fairly basic need among humans. It is ok to crave for love and support from your friends, family and close ones but if you are afraid to try new things because someone on the internet or worse, someone in another country who has no clue who you are is going to judge you, then you are not living your life right.

“Believe in yourself and there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe in you.” ― Cynthia Kersey

What you need to stop caring about is what the world thinks of you. Co-workers, friends of friends, the guy in the grocery store, the annoying neighbour, online commenters are insane and it does not matter what these people think about you. Yes, they’re perfectly entitled to their opinions, and you are perfectly entitled to not give a minute’s weightage about those opinions. When it comes to life, you are the sailor of your ship. Make sure you sail it right without going near the icebergs that try to hurt you.

“Problems and setbacks are bad.”

“Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.”

― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When a Calculus problem from school could not pose a major issue in your life, nothing else has the power to bring you down. You put yourself in a traumatic situation by believing that a tiny setback or even a failure is bad. Tell yourself that problems and challenges are wonderful, each carrying the seeds of its own solutions and lessons. If you never experienced a problem, you wouldn’t be as smart and as strong as you are.

And at times, problems are blessings in disguise. The heartbreak you are going through right now will lead to infinite new and amazing opportunities. There is no challenge that appears for no reason and there is none we do not learn at least one new thing from. Having said that, we truly need to accept them when they appear — if we resist them, they will remain for a longer time. Changing our outlook on life’s challenges will stop us from trying to prevent them and will make them wash away.

“You are not good enough.”

Hear me out, love, “YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE PERFECT!”

But at times, thanks to the saga of challenges we face every day, it’s easier to believe that you are not good enough. It is easier to internalize the criticisms, compare ourselves with others, and constantly try to jump to a conclusion that things will not work out. The sad reality is that we live a society where we constantly feel we don’t live up to expectations. And this leads to self-hatred and low self-esteem.

“Encourage yourself, believe in yourself, and love yourself. Never doubt who you are. “— Stephanie Lahart

I command you right now to unlearn this negative belief you have about yourself. If not, this belief will manifest itself in thousands of little actions and attitudes, slowly poisoning you and the people around you. It will have a bad effect on your career and success too. Let it go right away and give yourself every ounce of love that you have. You are everything you can think of, so think right.

“Always be happy.”

Sounds absurd, right? Am I asking you not to be happy? Not exactly, but in some ways, yes. How silly would it be to smile and laugh even when you are surrounded by fire and thunderstorm? It also doesn’t seem rational now, does it?

“If you can sit with your pain, listen to your pain and respect your pain — in time you will move through your pain.”

― Bryant McGill

We can’t stay happy all of the time. That is not what human life is all about. When we undertake many chores, a few of them only leads to disappointment which lets you into normal phases of depression or sadness. The only solution here is that you need to let your body do what it wants to do — feel the pain (no matter how bad) and go with the flow. If you’re sad and you can’t just shake it off, accept it for what it is. Allowing yourself to be in that state makes it much easier to recover from the incident.

Always choose happiness, yes, but don’t bottle up your emotions. Feel them and allow them to hurt you. And soon, you’ll be dancing in happiness.

“I’ll be happy when I have everything I want.”

I’m sure it was only recently that you thought that “You’d happy only if all your dreams had come true.” No matter what you want right now — a better job, a bigger house or even a prettier haircut — we’re all guilty of delaying our joy and gratification because we are waiting for an outcome to take place. Many of us believe a certain relationship status or a higher salary is the key to happiness.

But let me remind you of something — people who have all the riches in the world are either stuck at a rehab centre or are on the verge of ending their life. That’s primarily because too much of anything is poison.

In short, any external thing we depend on to make us feel good has the power to make us feel bad too.

To experience true happiness, start by being thankful and joyful for everything you have at the moment. This is will also help you attract more good things into your life. And always remember, many people in the world aren’t as blessed as you are. So be grateful for everything you have and smile from within. Real joy is all about accepting, smiling, thanking and letting go.