I Used to Hate Thanksgiving. This Year, Something Changed.
By: Shannon Ashley
Tags: Life Lessons, Parenting, Life, Family, Holidays

As with most people, however, COVID changed things. I knew better than to wait for an invite since we and our small circle of loved ones are all still social distancing. I suppose, in a way, that took a lot of pressure off. At first. I asked my daughter how she felt about “a mama and Sophie Thanksgiving at home,” and she really liked the idea.

For a long time, I thought we’d do the quintessential southern thing and order our Thanksgiving meal from Cracker Barrel, but then we had an especially busy week where I picked up a curbside order for an easy school night dinner, and it was awful. When we got home, I opened the bag and discovered that our local Cracker Barrel messed up the whole order. They forgot my daughter’s pancakes, gave us the wrong sides — it was bad. When I called the restaurant to let them know what happened, they said I could drive back or have a manager call me to make things right.

I opted for the latter, but nobody ever did call. So, I decided against giving them more money for Thanksgiving.

At the same time, as I talked to my daughter about Thanksgiving foods, she expressed more of an interest in cooking together. I’m probably going to regret this, I said to myself as I thought about the stress and cleanup, but we should probably just do the cooking at home.

I told my daughter that I’d get her a little apron of her own to help make the cooking more fun. She asked if there could be a turkey on it. Maybe, I said, uncertain if that was even a thing. I made a list of recipes and put together an Instacart order. I tried to not stress out too much about the timing of recipes or taking even more time off work to make the holiday happen. This month, it feels like I’ve hardly worked at all because I’m so focused on cleaning and reorganizing our home. Guess I can prioritize the holidays too.

As I planned the menu, I wondered if I was biting off more than I could chew. Since becoming a mother, I sort of hate to cook. After all, I’m a single working mom who routinely struggles to juggle everything. Yet, something funny happened instead.

My daughter got so excited about helping out in the kitchen for the holiday, that I found her excitement contagious. Suddenly, a holiday that used to really bother became an opportunity and real labor of love.

The day before Thanksgiving, my daughter and I began assembling our recipes. We wound up making sweet baby carrots, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, and a few different casseroles — green bean, sweet potato, and a breakfast hashbrown one.

Author's daughter, proud to help in the kitchen

At the last minute, I decided to have a turkey delivered, and the Publix butcher kindly cut it up for me as requested. I simply stewed it for future recipes. My daughter liked helping me out in the kitchen, but her attention span was predictably that of most other 6-year-olds. When she got burnt out on snapping green beans, I wrapped up the rest of the prep while she played.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t as overwhelming or terrible as I thought it might be. I’ve always been a proficient cook, but when I say I quit cooking much of anything after motherhood, I mean it. The overwhelm I feel as a mom and Aspie woman is frequently off the charts.

This was different before I gave birth. In “the old days,” I loved to cook, even though I hated how the holidays made me feel so lonely.

The truth is I surprised myself this year. And I suppose that 2020 surprised me too.

I actually had fun. Don’t get me wrong — it was hard work and pretty exhausting, but I felt so good about doing it.

I didn’t expect to feel that way since the whole pandemic has turned 2020 into such a shit storm.

It’s funny.

For years, I was so lonely about my family, relationship status, and the holidays that it never occurred to me I might actually like to be alone. Or that single motherhood wouldn’t be nearly as depressing as I’d thought.