Turns Out, Nobody Likes Finley
By: Mad Dyke
Tags: TV Shows, LGBT, LGBTQ, Gay, TV Series

“You’re still here,” Shane says to Finley in the beginning of the second episode of The L Word Generation Q, literally the morning after telling her she was welcome to stay there. Seems harsh when you consider Shane is so rich she wasn’t sure how many spare bedrooms were “in the back” of her sprawling mansion. Meanwhile, Finley’s Flinstoning it for pussy.

One good thing to come out of Shane and Finley’s interaction is they eventually segue into Finley’s issues with alcohol (or, rather, she abruptly tells Shane she’s never had sex sober). It’s refreshing to see alcohol abuse addressed on the show when so many queer women struggle with addiction. In moments like these, Finley becomes more than a cartoon character. She becomes someone with some depth, someone I can empathize with and relate to. And then in the next second she calls a sandwich a “sando” and I fucking hate her again.

Speaking of addiction, Dani tells Sophie she’s not working for her opioid-crisis-funding father anymore, and is now employed by the Only Good Politician, Bette Porter. Sophie’s pissed because she thought they were planning on “slowing down.” I’m sorry, slowing down? You’re what, 25? 26 max? And considering how politically engaged Sophie’s supposed to be, wouldn’t she be happy her fiancé is no longer contributing to a public health crisis? They probably shouldn’t rush into marriage considering they disagree on some pretty fundamental things, i.e. how they want to spend the rest of their lives. Plus, it’s obvious Dani wants to marry her dad. At the very least, she wants to bang Bette.

Bette, with her hollow, monotone enchanted doll voice, is already putting the moves on Dani, bragging about her BFF Judy Chicago, and that one time a good friend mysteriously died in her swimming pool. Later in the episode, under the direction of Dani, Bette hosts a very uncomfortable town hall where she convinces a group of young homeless queer people that she’s not a shitty politician. Only, moments before the town hall, she told Dani she hoped this would help her public image, so idk about all that.

Back on the set of Alice, Alice is annoyed because the network hired a man to help write jokes for her show. But you really can’t blame them considering her and her side-kick say “see you latte!” to each other every episode. I feel like they could use some help. Also at some point in the meeting, an old white man says “palatable lesbian brand” and I love it. They’re interrupted by Finley with a note telling Alice one of her girlfriend Nat’s kids is sick and needs her to pick him up from school. This is where we get into one of my least favorite storylines of the season, Alice wanting to force her way into the hearts of her girlfriend’s kids, even though she also kind of seems to hate them.

As a child of divorce, whose parent has been married three times and dated countless women, I hate storylines about girlfriends or wives forcing relationships with the children of their significant others before they’re ready. Just let the kids bond with you in ways they want to! Do shit they like, buy them cool shit, or just leave them alone. That honestly works, too. Just hand them cash and don’t talk to them. It’s not that hard.

What you shouldn’t do is scream at at them while making breakfast, “Where the fuck does your mom keep the good spatula?” First of all bitch, I’m 7. Second of all, you’re *hand clap* not *hand clap* my *hand clap* real *hand clap* mom. (When one of Nat’s kids says this to Alice in ep 1, I really felt that.)

We’re supposed to be invested in Alice’s struggle here, but I couldn’t help but think about the kid the whole time. Can you imagine being sick at school and the only person available to pick up you is your mom’s weird girlfriend who screams “fuck” at you all the time and apparently doesn’t have any idea what to do with a sick child?? When they get back to the house, Alice runs around frantically looking for something the boy can throw up into, instead of just taking him to the bathroom like a normal fucking person. Shane is useless and yells at Alice while the kid stands in the middle of the room, scared of the two grown lesbians screaming in his face. Later, we’re supposed to think Shane’s a natural mom because she tells the boy to lay on the couch and gets him a blanket. Someone should call CPS.

While Alice is endangering the lives of her girlfriend’s children, Sophie tells the straight white men at the network that Lena Waithe is coming on the show and she and Alice are gonna talk about dykey things and they can’t say shit. Then it’s somehow, magically, the end of the work day. Sophie’s still sad about Dani’s new job, so Finley offers to keep her company and Sophie’s like, “Um, I’m good, I’m calling my sister” lolllll. Turns out, nobody likes Finley.

Which makes the scene where she gives Shane a handmade bench even sadder. Finley’s like “you need furniture” because Shane’s house is empty (why?). But what she really needs is like a couch or a chair or a few stools maybe, but a bench? It’s still really sweet. Then she and Shane go to a bar and get shitfaced after Shane’s served divorce papers.

At the bar, Atlas, which used to be a lesbian bar but now it’s a sports bar, Shane is called a “living legend” by the bartender, Tess, because she’s known around town for fingering a lot of women??? I don’t really understand Shane’s “fame.” At one point, a woman whispers something in her ear and Shane replies, “not tonight.” The woman smiles, as if she asked Shane if she wanted more water, and just walks away, completely unoffended. Also, this is a sports bar with a bunch of dykes in it, still seems very gay to me.

Another bartender, Lena, Tess’s girlfriend, starts flirting with Shane and a drunk guy suddenly attacks her, shouting “gimme some whiskey!” Shane steps in and protects her. Lena’s all “you’re my hero” and then she somehow convinces Shane to help her turn Atlas back into a gay bar, which it sounds like she will.

Meanwhile, Micah goes on a date with the new hot neighbor, José, and is way too hype about a gift card he has for the restaurant. I feel so bad for this character, he has the least interesting storyline on the show. He just thirsts after this one dude who’s real boring. Things somehow get less interesting for Micah as the episode progresses. He doesn’t invite José to Dani and Sophie’s engagement party that’s happening right outside his home, and then, when he realizes he wants him there, instead of just texting him, he’s like “well guess I fucked up” and is all upset about it?? Just take out your phone?? Type “come outside”? I want to write a better storyline for Micah.

The episode ends with Sophie and Dani’s party, during which they don’t really hang out much, until the end, when Micah reads a love poem. As Micah’s reading, it cuts to Finley banging a hot girl she met at the bar, because one thing about The L Word, someone is always fucking.

In the next episode, everyone has time to dance before work, go to church in the middle of the day, and still be home for an early dinner.