The Pursuit of Perfection: Why It’s Killing You And Your Team
By: Nadia Milani
Tags: Leadership, Digital Marketing, Marketing Technology, Leadership Skills, Marketing Automation

By: Nadia Milani. Fearless 50 Marketer & Mom of Two.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by marketing. I loved the idea of connecting with people through creativity, design and messaging. I think I was around twelve, when I started coloring and creating my own ads. It was in my twenties when I landed my first marketing job, entering marketing data into an integrated revenue database. Definitely not the typical marketing job. But, I would find out later in my career that it was my superpower. More on that, later.

I ended up working in various marketing roles at big and small companies, across a number of categories: e-commerce, media, communications, IT, and more. There is one interesting observation I’ve made through the years. The pursuit of perfection is alive and well! Have you noticed it? Maybe you’re on a team that has to create the “perfect” product. Or maybe your leader is very critical because they have unrealistic expectations. Or maybe everyone around you is afraid to get things wrong, making things tense. One thing is for certain, the pursuit of perfection is different than excellence, and it is negatively impacting people, teams, and organizations.

What Does Perfection Actually Mean?

Merriam-Webster’s Definition: 1 : the quality or state of being perfect: such as. a : freedom from fault or defect : flawlessness. b : maturity. c : the quality or state of being saintly.

But really, trying to be perfect is being afraid to fail because of one’s insecurities. Striving for perfection is built upon a fear that: “I will not be perceived as smart enough, good enough, or potentially fail”. Therefore, one creates an illusion that they are perfect. But, it’s also self-sabotaging because trying to be perfect is exhausting. Also, it doesn’t allow you to be present, which makes a person inauthentic and ultimately stressed.

My Own Struggle With Perfection.

My first marketing job was a solid fit as it combined my strengths — marketing and technology. I started to move into other marketing roles (i.e. new territory) — more branding and creative positions while juggling mommy duties at the same time. Like many moms, I was trying to do it all: be a perfect leader at work and at home. And in that pursuit, I failed miserably. I wasn’t doing my greatest work. Trying to be perfect all the time, stressed me out! I’m sure it was stressing out others too.

After my second child, I fell in love with consulting and helping small businesses grow through SEM, SEO, and social media. It was a perfect mix of marketing, technology, and entrepreneurship. But, the pursuit of perfection was still getting in the way. I was staying up all hours of the night trying to build perfect campaigns and child-rearing during the day. Exhausting!

Finally, I decided to go back into the corporate world. My career came back full circle. I was building marketing algorithms with data. At the time, my leader gave me the space to fail. Test, fail, and learn. From fixed mindset to growth mindset. I was given the freedom to make mistakes. And I ended up doing some of the greatest work of my career. That led me to being added to the Marketo Fearless 50 list, being recognized as one of the top marketers in the world. The recognition was followed by invitations to a number of conferences and speaking engagements.

That success made me curious as to what made things different this time? How did I go to from perfectionist, overwhelmed, overachieving boss — to successful world-class marketer? I think it had a lot to do with a shift from fixed, “being perfect” mindset. To growth, it’s “ok to fail” mindset. This transformation really intrigued me. If I could adopt this mindset always, and share it with my team at work and at home — what would the future have in store for me?

Why Pursuing Perfection is Killing You & Your Team.

The thing is, perfection is not attainable, realistic, or scalable. It’s related to a fear and insecurity i.e. you will not be perceived as smart enough, good enough, or worse — you might fail. But trying to be perfect all the time or even sometimes, is self-sabotaging because it is absolutely exhausting.

There is also a fine line between perfection and over-achievement. Overachievers tend to command, rather than coach and collaborate, stifling those that report into them. A team’s performance can begin to suffer, not attaining what they originally set out to achieve.

So, Why Do We Pursue Perfection?

I find it fascinating that I see this behavior in corporate environments all the time. Especially among females. I find women, especially moms, feel the pressure to be 100%, all the time. That’s not sustainable. Especially throughout the pandemic, I think a lot of women had to start letting things go or risk their sanity.

A former colleague called me the other day, a female leader, and said to me “I don’t think I’m being taken seriously at work”. I asked why and she said, “Because I’m too silly in my presentations”. And I told her that is why we love your presentations. But because she felt she didn’t fit the mold of perfection, or deliver an ideal perfect presentation– she thought she wasn’t good enough.

I think we sometimes strive toward being perfect to compensate for our perceived shortcomings, out of fear. A fear of being inadequate, fear of being vulnerable. But it’s in the shortcomings, that the magic happens. I read online somewhere that “Perfection is a terribly misplaced goal”, and I think there is something to that.

How Do You Get Better at Not Pursuing Perfection?

Pick what you want to accomplish. Be strategic. You can’t do it all, or be perfect at everything. So pick what is important for you to be good at. And the rest? Well, if it fails — no biggie! Because the important stuff is getting done. Growth Mindset: I will try, might fail — but that’s ok because I will learn. I read this one time “Nobody ever became a good sailor on calm seas”. And this is certainly true when doing things out of your comfort zone. Not overthinking every move or decision. Sometimes it’s best to just do it! Have you ever worked on a project where it felt like it took forever to launch? Or it didn’t launch at all? “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” Theodore Roosevelt. Journal! Sometimes you can learn and see patterns in your own behavior by journaling.

If my previous leader didn’t encourage me to “just go for it” and not worry about failure, I may not have had the career breakthrough I did. As leaders, it’s our responsibility to create a culture where everyone does their best work. The way to do that is to be vulnerable as a leader and help your team embrace failure! Perfection is going to hinder performance, for yourself and others. Let go of the fear, your tight grip on getting it “right”, and just go for it!

Nadia is passionate about helping businesses connect with their customers and helping them achieve growth. Currently, she is at TeraGo — driving digital innovation by accelerating marketing technology while keeping a sharp focus on brand experience. She is a leader that has helped build high performance teams, producing triple digit growth in engagement, acquisition, and revenue. In 2019, Nadia was added to Marketo’s Fearless 50 list, being recognized as one of the top 50 marketers in the world. She is also a mama bear to 2 cubs, Alessia and Danilo.

Check out her session at WomenTech Global Conference 2021: https://www.womentech.net/speaker/Nadia%20/Milani/53505