The Sexiest Thing You Can Do for Your Partner
By: Caitlin Jill Anders
Tags: Love, Sexuality, Relationships, Advice, Life Lessons

Supporting your partner is a broad concept and can seem kind of vague. There are lots of ways that we support each other in a relationship across the board. Here are a few that are definitely sexy in my book.

Don’t judge them

Just because you and your partner have chosen to be together and are in love or whatever, doesn’t mean you’re going to be exactly the same. You’re going to have differences. You’re going to disagree on stuff. You’re both going to make mistakes that baffle the other. As you navigate the ups and downs of your relationship, an important way you can support each other is by being as nonjudgmental as possible.

Instead of judging or jumping to conclusions, talk through any issues that arise. Try your best to see things from both sides. When your partner comes to you after they’ve made a regrettable decision that you advised them against, don’t say “I told you so.” Don’t judge them for needing to make their own mistakes. Be there to support them instead.

I’ve done some stupid things. I’ve made mistakes that come with growth and being a human. The reactions I’ve valued most from partners are those where my mistakes are met with understanding and processing conversations rather than judgment. It makes me feel seen, and it’s attractive as f*ck.

Accept their kinks

We’re all into different things when it comes to sex and relationships. You and your partner may end up having different kinks, and that’s ok. It’s also ok if there are some kinks they have that you’re just not into. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable — but you also shouldn’t shame or judge your partner for what they're into, either.

Even if one of your partner's kinks isn't your thing, still let them know that you understand and accept them. Maybe you can even find a way to modify the kink so that it works for both of you. As long as it’s something safe and healthy, there’s no reason to make them feel bad about what they’re into. A lot of people have internalized shame around certain kinks, and even if their partner isn’t open to trying it, knowing that they’re not judging them for it can really mean so much.

Accepting their kinks can also apply to general relationship stuff, too. Maybe there’s a way they like doing things that you’re not used to and maybe it’s a little weird. As long as it’s not disruptive or offensive, try your best to at least understand it. We all have our things. Having our partners accept the weird little quirks and kinks about us is such a great feeling and ends up strengthening our attraction to them.

Listen

Simple as it may seem, one of the greatest, sexiest ways you can support your partner is just by listening to them. When they’re having a conflict with a friend, listen. When they’re struggling with depression, listen. When they really miss their family, listen. Offer advice if that’s what they need, but also try and provide space where your partner can just let it out. Let them know that you’re there.

I know that personally, I sometimes get self-conscious about sharing the things that are going on in my life because I don’t want to burden people or scare them away. When a partner lets me know that my needs and emotions are valid and important, it makes me feel seen in a way that can’t be matched. If that’s not attractive, I don’t know what is.