Holiday’s Bring The Drama. Stay Empowered This Season.
By: Jessica Lynn Day
Tags: Self-awareness, Family Drama, Holiday Stress, Winter Blues, Confidence

Source: https://www.freepik.com/photos/background Background photo created by asier_relampagoestudio

Let’s face it. Although we all wish for the holidays to be full of love, laughter, and celebration, for many, it can be a day full of anxiety, drama, stress, and frustration.

How do you show up to your family gathering? Are you on edge? How would you feel if you could walk into your next family event knowing that you will leave feeling at ease?

We all experience difficult relatives. Whether you’re avoiding your wild aunt who always drinks too much or you’re trying to ward off your brother who knows exactly what to say to push your buttons, here are a few ways to help you gain comfort and feel empowered during the holiday season.

1. Set Realistic Expectations (or none)

I like to think of expectations as premeditated resentments. How could you possibly expect someone to change or behave a certain way just because you don’t like the way they typically act?

When you expect to have an enthusiastic conversation with your Aunt Susie about your new job, all you will feel is disappointment and resentment when she shows up drunk, blabbing on about her cats.

We humans tend to create stories about who people are and sometimes, who we want them to be. We hope that if we think about it hard enough, they will magically change into the people we wish they were.

Remember that the only person you can control is yourself and controlling how you show up this holiday can certainly transform how you feel by the time you are heading home.

2. Remember, it is Not About You

How does it feel when someone tells you they do not like your new haircut or maybe even that your new job is not good enough? Not great, right?

Well, what if I told you that you had the choice to accept their comment for what it is — their opinion — and move on happily with your life? When someone expresses their opinion, that is exactly what it is, THEIRS. They are choosing to lower their energy level by attempting to judge you. That is totally on them.

People forget that they have so much power in a situation when someone else is trying to bring them down. They don’t realize that the other person, who is releasing negative energy, is already in a place of suffering. The fact is, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with who they are. They are choosing to act a certain way because of how they feel.

The next time Aunt Susie tells you that she thinks you have bad style and you need to find a boyfriend, try practicing empathy. What is going on in her life right now that is causing her to speak to you this way? Does she even realize that she is being rude?

Maybe Aunt Susie has had a difficult year or let’s be honest, decade. Don’t try to change her. Instead, focus on your energy, take a breath, and respond with kindness, or not at all. You’ll feel much more empowered when you show up to the conversation with the space to feel confident regardless of what anyone else says. Don’t fill it up with anger and bitterness. You’ve got this!

3. Plan Ahead

It’s only been 15 minutes and you already feel sweat dripping down your back. Before you arrive to your destination, create an escape route.

I’m not talking about sneaking out the 2nd story window and sliding down the chimney. I’m talking about bringing a set of headphones and a meditation app so you can sneak off to the restroom for 5 minutes and take a breath.

Remember, it’s important not to set expectations, good or bad but it is OK to have a plan should things get out of hand. Do you have a friend you can call if you need to step out? Do you have a favorite cousin you can take a walk with for a few minutes to get some air? Maybe there’s a certain song that always lifts your spirits. Bring your tunes and have that ready to go.

Don’t make yourself wrong for needing to take a few breaks throughout the day to help keep you feeling confident and empowered. Remember, the only thing you can control is how you show up and how you respond to the situation at hand.

If all else fails, give yourself permission to leave. You can also make an announcement when you arrive that you must leave early. This way, you’ve already made a committment to dedicate time to your family while also assuring you leave when you’re ready and when it’s needed.

It’s always OK to take care of yourself.