The Tyranny of The Rat Race — A Letter To The “Loser”
Tags: Islam, Life Lessons, Self Improvement, Healing, Growth Mindset

Dear “Loser” of the Rat Race,

You may be riddled with chronic self-doubt, low self-esteem, toxic shame and other self-image issues right now, but I want to let you know that you are not inherently flawed for going through this cycle. Yes, we have our flaws and all — but that is exactly what makes us feel human. If we do not experience these failures and these really low lows, then we would never get the opportunity to taste the sweetness of growth, joy and ease. So, be patient with these trials and tribulations, for one day, you will be able to experience the fullness of this life from a place of humility.

I also want you to know that you are not ‘weird’ for being unable to conform to very rigid standards. Your lack of understanding for this life philosophy does not impinge upon your identity and character as a person. Rather, the problem lies with this chaotic world. It’s tyrannical and there are many out there who seek to divide-and-conquer through psychological and/or mental abuse. There are many forces out there that seek to dim down your authentic light for their own benefit — and this is well documented within colonial history, for example.

So you mustn’t let them win. Please, don’t let them win… Know that you are an esteemed human being who cannot be defined by material successes and failures — and never reduce yourself back to those standards EVER again. It is for the dim-witted one to determine your worth upon fleeting materials, as, what would happen if ALL of his possessions were to be taken away from him in this very moment? He would be in the position that you currently are living in right now… in the ‘loser’ phase of the rat race. Therefore, can you see how arbitrary it is to define your whole sense of self upon worldly materials, when one day, none of this would actually matter?

So, my dear, buckle up and embark on a journey towards redefining yourself — for yourself. Free yourself from the shackles of an oppressive “society”.

Let me support you by sharing a passage from my Cognitive Behavioural Workbook for Anxiety, by William J. Knaus.

Your Self Worth:

Whatever you believe about yourself represents your concept of your self. This concept may be tied to your theory of worth, or how you judge your general sense of self. Do you base your self-worth on your performance, appearance, mood, or other specific factors, such as your contributions to your society? If so, you have a theory of worth that is based on contingencies. For example, with a perfectionist mind-set, if you do well, you are worthy. If you don’t then you are unworthy. Contingency-worth theories [of self] are hotbeds for self-anxiety (a general sense of uneasiness, vulnerability and insecurity that you feel about yourself). Therefore, it’s essential that you avoid the ‘contingency-worth trap’.

The contingency-worth trap:

C ontingency-worth theories reflect either-or dichotomous thinking. You are either one thing or its opposte, a success or a failure. A contingency-worth theory cna be a foundation for self-anxiety if you believe “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not confident enough or I’m not attractive enough”. Putting these conditions on your self-worth amplifies your threat sensitivity and evelevates your risk of experiencing more than your share of self-anxieties and fears.

Shifting towards a “Pluralistic Theory of Self

You have many ways to define your self. You can choose to accept a contingency-worth definition. However, if your theory of worth is not working for you, exploring a pluralistic theory of self can give you a different perspective. A pluralistic theory of self is the proposition that you are much more than your collected traits, qualities, aptitudes and abilities. From a pluralistic view, you can’t always be only one way: an anxious person or a tranquil one. Rather, you have thousands of attributes, abilities, feelings, experiences, and memories that exist within a universe of opportunities. You have the ability to read and learn. You have a broad range of skills. You can think, visualize a positive future, and profit from past experiences. You have countless experiences. You have social sensitivities. In a nutshell, you have a lot going for you. But there is more.

With these tools, I pray that you are able to shift away from a dichotomous self-view.

The title that best underpins our identity is to subscribe towards being a “Slave” of Allah.

Wishing you the best,

Sakina