Why I Leave the Lights on During Sex
By: Meaghan Ward
Tags: Sex, Sexuality, Intimacy, Relationships, Advice

Why I Leave the Lights on During Sex

And why you should, too.

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

When it’s time to head to the bedroom, I think a lot of men instinctively reach for the light switch to turn them on while women just as quickly try to extinguish the light.

I know I used to be like that.

Back when I first started having sex, we did it in darkness — it would be months before I saw a penis in daylight.

Once I realized what I had been missing, seeing my partner’s parts finally in the light, I knew it was silly to keep it dark in the bedroom forever.

The truth was, I was insecure.

I was insecure about how my body looked, I was insecure about the faces I might make during sex or while cumming, I was just plain insecure, and the only way I knew how to beat that insecurity was to confront it head on.

I had to turn on the lights.

When I did? It changed everything.

It made me more confident in my body.

The one thing that I thought would scare me more than anything, getting naked in front of someone in broad daylight, was actually the most freeing thing in the world.

I remember a time stripping down and laying in David’s bed with all the lights on and window open, feeling a cool breeze on my skin as he kissed his way all over my body, all over the parts I had been trying so hard to hide, all of the parts I’d thought weren’t good enough to love.

Now, my partner could see everything and accepted me for who and what I was, and having that validation was priceless.

He wanted to see my body. It was a turn on for him, and he told me so.

That’s what I tried to tell myself, too. That it was okay to leave the lights on because he wanted me and desired me the way I was, and the more I told myself that, the more confidence skyrocketed in bed.

It shows trust and vulnerability.

When you turn the lights on for your partner because you know they want to see you naked, you’re showing them you trust them and are willing to be vulnerable with them…and vulnerability is sexy.

Your partner is going to be able to sense when you are tense and insecure in your body, and what a wonderful thing it is to be able to turn on the lights and let all of the insecurities fall away.

Not only will you feel better, but your partner will have an easier time enjoying pleasuring you, knowing that you are comfortable with what you are doing.

What better way to tell if you’re comfortable than by being able to look upon your face and see in the light what you’re really feeling when you’re together?

Now, I want my partner to see my face while we’re having sex. I want to be able to look into each other’s eyes and communicate without words.

It makes everything hotter.

There are so many sex positions that can be made hotter or done better with the lights on than off.

Surely it must be easier on some to go down on a woman when they can actually see what their tongue is aiming for, not to mention the close up view they would get with the lights on.

Then there’s doggy style, which I think requires lights to be on so there’s no accidental horrifying slippage.

And, of course, riding cowgirl your tits will be swinging in your partner’s face and they’ll have access to fondle, kiss, and suckle them, all made better when they can actually see what’s going on.

It fosters intimacy.

I’m all about getting intimate with my partner, and I find it’s just harder to do in the dark.

Being able to see the pleasure I am giving to my partner and having them be able to see how they are pleasuring me is one of my keys to a satisfying sexual experience.

I want to know whether the touches and squeezes I’m giving to my partner are turning them on, I want to be able to see their desire for me and for them to see mine.

Although sensory deprivation in sex can be really fucking sexy in its own right, for the most part I’d rather have my eyes wide open in the bright light of a bedroom with someone I care about, getting closer with every look.