fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
I played Tic-tac-toe on a quantum computer… and won!
By: Chris Ferrie
Tags: Science, Computer Science, Quantum Computing, Technology, Games

A game of “Quantum” Tic-tac-toe.

In 1950, Bertie the Brain delighted crowds at the Canadian National Exhibition. It was the first known computer game with a visual display. It was a customed-made electronic version of Tic-tac-toe.

In 1952, Alexander Douglas created the first video game, called OXO, which simulated Tic-tac-toe on a general-purpose computer. It wasn’t likely that anyone outside of Cambridge played it. Ten years later, programmers at MIT created Spacewar!, which was installed on many PDP-1 Computers, including the one pictured here that I played with my daughter at the old STARTUP computer history exhibit in Albuquerque.

Playing Spacewar! in 2012.

Now, in 2021, the students in my class Introduction to Quantum Computing each created their own version of “Quantum” Tic-tac-toe, which can be played on a quantum computer. (We had to keep the Tic-tac-toe legacy alive! But, also, creating games is the best way to learn computational concepts.)

I created my own version of Quantum Tic-tac-toe alongside the students with the help of some UTS Software Engineering interns. My version is pretty simplistic, but it’s meant to be modular so you can easily modify and test out new quantum moves.

Each move adds a gate to the game circuit. The basic moves are as follows:

Measure ends the round and executes the game circuit on the quantum device. The win conditions will be counted and displayed.

ends the round and executes the game circuit on the quantum device. The win conditions will be counted and displayed. Not flips an “owned” tile to the other player. If the tile is not currently owned, this does nothing.

flips an “owned” tile to the other player. If the tile is not currently owned, this does nothing. O turns the initial tile toward being owned by “O.”

turns the initial tile toward being owned by “O.” X turns the initial tile toward being owned by “X.”

turns the initial tile toward being owned by “X.” SWAP swaps the location of two tiles.

As you play, you will see the game board and the circuit. The board shows the sequence of moves but is only indicative. The game circuit is the true state of the game — however, you need to understand a bit about quantum computing to appreciate what’s happening there.

To play the game requires “executing” it on a quantum computer (or simulation).

As of 1 Sep 2021, quantum computers are pretty small and with public access today you can play 2 x 2 Tic-tac-toe. The result of the above game took 10 seconds to run on a quantum device.

Details on the game that was played above and ran on an IBMQ quantum computer.

Okay, Tic-tac-toe, so what? Well, computer games have a long history of development alongside technology. As a teaching tool, games really are amazing. You can play Quantum Tic-tac-toe yourself on a quantum computer using the code below. You could even have a crack at modifying it to create your own set of rules. Enjoy!
Cheating Nash’s Game Theory, with Quantum Mechanics
By: Afiq Hatta
Tags: Economics, Physics, Game Theory, Quantum Computing, Quantum Mechanics

Cheating Nash’s Game Theory, with Quantum Mechanics

Economics and physics

‘Minimal’ examples, toys, and games are my favourite way to understand a complex topic or a problem. For example, when I studied for my quantum mechanics exams, I used to boil down abstract systems to their most reduced parts. Playing with the math in these simple cases helped me understand how quantum mechanics differs from simple classical mechanics in counter-intuitive ways.

Economists do this as well. The prisoners’ dilemma is a simple thought experiment to show that acting rationally doesn’t always lead to the best outcome for society. However, if the prisoners’ are allowed to make decisions on quantum mechanical objects instead (even though they still can’t communicate with each other), we can turn the conclusion of this game on its head, putting us back in the realm of Adam Smith’s invisible hand.

John Von Neumann is attributed as the founder of modern game theory. LANL, Attribution, via Wikimedia Commons

Game theory is the systematic study of finding the best strategies to maximise your benefit when playing a game. In classical game theory, agents can execute the moves they wish to choose, as long as they are in line with the game's rules. Over repeated games, they might choose a probabilistic mix of strategies to maximise their outcome. These are called mixed strategies. Quantum game theory is the study of what happens when instead, players try to manipulate quantum systems. Quantum systems behave probabilistically, like mixed strategies, and so agents don’t have complete control over the choices they make.

However, quantum systems have the added benefit that each players’ electrons can be entangled. Quantum entanglement is when we cannot mathematically describe the state of one electron independently of another electron.

Entanglement is a simple change of assumption which leads to amazing, counter-intuitive results which depart from traditional game theory. In the prisoners’ dilemma, there is no classical strategy (including mixed strategies). Act rationally puts the players in a better place than cooperating—however, the addition of entanglement changes this conclusion.

Instead of assuming that the players have to decide their moves, I will assume that they can manipulate electrons with some simple magnetic mechanism to play their games. This post will explore how traditional game dynamics get shaken up and how one of the well-known results of the Prisoner’s dilemma is changed.

In the final year of my undergraduate studies, I gave this talk at Universiti Malaya, and I wanted to share a simplified version on Medium.
Are We Ready for the Quantum LEAP ?
By: Deepa Sayal
Tags: Cryptography, Artficial Intelligence, Quantum Computing, Digital Transformation, Deepa Sayal

Quantum Computing

In the traditional systems, the classical “Bit” is either 1 or 0 but in superposition it can be both 1 and 0 at the same time. Thus, Quantum computer can perform many different calculations in parallel. So, Quantum Computing is ready to overtake the traditional binary computer with Digital Transformation. Today scientists are trying to combine Quantum Computing with Machine Learning to calculate the probabilities. Mostly engineers are working on Cyber Security, Artificial Intelligence and Quantum Computing to build robots or devices like supercomputers to the research for climate change, medical research, etc.

The power of Quantum Cryptography is cryptographer is turning away from mathematics to quantum mechanics to achieve great security. It helps to merge data science with communication standards to boost the highest degree of trust, internet loyalty, etc. An expert said “Primary aim of Quantum Artificial Intelligence is to improve human freedom, dignity, equality, security, and total well-being.
Resources for Quantum computing from a Computer Scientist perspective.
By: Anthony Sierra
Tags: Quantum Computer, Quantum, Quantum Computing, Tech

This article will talk about the various resources I have used for learning about Quantum Computing. Starting out learning about Quantum Computing, I knew nothing. These resources I have used to go from knowing exactly zero to being able to somewhat understand at a high level how things work. Without further ado, here is the list.

Priming the brain

To get started I needed to understand at a very high level how things somewhat equated to classical computing. Not like that really is the right way to think however you have to start somewhere. I was directed by someone who is far more intelligent and knowledgable about Quantum Computing about this, to which they gave me this resource. https://quantum.country/qcvc/

This wonderful link is great for priming the brain on beginning to think about Quantum Computing, how is it different, how is it the same, and how to begin to think about it. After reading that, I believe someone with a computer science background is able to easily move on to hitting the books!

Books

The next book I read which was also suggested to me was Quantum Computing for Computer Scientists and excellent read. The author skips around in the book giving you queues on when to return to chapters and finish chapters etc. This makes it almost like a college course the way it skips around but it really does help. That said somewhere around Chapter 6 I realized my knowledge of Linear Algebra was lacking. The author in this book recommends various resources of learning as you read through it.

The book that was recommended to help learning Linear Algebra was Introduction to Linear Algebra by Gilbert Strang the edition should not matter and luckily this book can be purchased on the cheap. This book I am still going through.

Current learning

As of now I am still going through those two books as there is quite a lot of content in the both of them. I will attempt to update this article as I learn more and move on to newer resources. Thank you for reading and I hope this helps you!
You Don’t Need To Be A Physicist To Understand Quantum Machine Learning
By: Frank Zickert, Quantum Machine Learning
Tags: Physics, Computer Science, Quantum Computing, Python, Programming

You Don’t Need To Be A Physicist To Understand Quantum Machine Learning

This post is part of the book: Hands-On Quantum Machine Learning With Python.

Machine learning aims to put a label on a yet unlabelled thing. For instance, we try to predict whether an image shows a cat or a dog.

Image by author, Frank Zickert

Distinguishing between cats and dogs is an easy task for a human. In order to let a machine take over this task, you need to program it. You need to specify exactly how to execute every single step. The problem is, though, while we can do it, we don’t know the exact rules of how we do it.

Nature gave us abilities without letting us know how these abilities work. Apparently, the ability itself has been an evolutionary advantage, whereas the knowledge of it didn’t.

With this inability to tell a machine how to tell the difference between cats and dogs, the idea came up to teach the machine the same way we would teach another person.

If you want to teach your child the difference between a cat and a dog, you show her the animals and name them.

Whenever she identifies a cat or a dog correctly, you reward her by agreeing. In case she’s wrong, you correct her. Even the slightest difference in the feedback you give to your child will make her improve because she subconsciously optimizes her behavior for a reward.

Rather than specifying the details of how to do the task, we present correctly labeled examples to the machine and say: “figure it out yourself”.

A major difference between teaching a child and teaching a machine is the representation. We humans keep our knowledge in our brains. It consists of myriads of connected neurons that form a network. Our senses feed electrical impulses into this network. The output translates into our thoughts and into commands to our muscles. As a teacher, we can’t control how the brain of our students work.

As the machine learning engineer, one of our main tasks is to come up with a representation that is sufficiently complex to keep the knowledge we want it to learn, but sufficiently simple to be trainable in a reasonable time. This representation is also called the model.

The model has a structure. It can be anything from a simple mathematical formula to a network of artificial neurons. And the model has parameters — trainable parameters. These two things determine the complexity of our model. Generally, the more parameters our model has, the better it can perform tasks, but the harder it is to train it.

Once we settled for the structure of the model we start training it. We aim to find a set of values of the parameters that let the model predict the label of a thing correctly. We do this by presenting the examples to our model, take its prediction, and calculate the error by comparing the output of the model with the actual label.

Ultimately, we search for a combination of parameter values that minimize the error. We try to solve an optimization problem.
Different Kinds of Quantum Computers
By: Gizem Öztürk
Tags: Physics, Quantum Computing, Emerging Technology, Technology, Quantum

A quantum computer, taken from the Guardian, published at Sat 28 Sep 2019

What is Quantum Computing and why has it been in the news so much lately? What can be done with Quantum Computing and how is it done. Today, I will break down, what Quantum Computing is and the different kinds of Quantum Computers, that I have encountered.

Quantum Computing is a practice in which Quantum Computers can process massive complex data more efficiently than classical computers. They use the fundamentals of quantum mechanics to speed up the process of solving complex computations. When you explain that in an easier way it can also be explained as Quantum Computers help us understand data that normal computers cannot obtain. With the help of Quantum Computers, the complex data is accessed and solved easier and faster.

The difference between conventional computers and quantum computers are very big. A conventional computer is based on the classical phenomenon of electrical circuits being in a single state at a given time, either on or off. They use binary codes to represent a problem in the form of 0s or 1s. Quantum Computers are based on quantum mechanics, which is a theory that provides the scale of atoms and subatomic particles as a description of the physical properties of nature. Quantum Computers use qubits. They use 0,1 and superposition state of 0s and 1s to represent information.

So basically, Quantum Computers make the life of scientists/engineers easier. Quantum computers at the moment, are very big and very complexly built.

Quantum Computer

Let's dive into the different versions of Quantum Computers, that are seen the most.

Quantum Annealing

Quantum Annealing is best for solving optimization problems. Researchers are trying to find the best (most efficient) possible configuration among many possible combinations of variables. Quantum annealing is the least powerful and most narrowly applied form of quantum computing. Quantum Annealing is all about having the best answer. Computers go through the possibilities and see which one fits the problem the best, with the least amount of energy waste of the system.

Quantum Simulations

Quantum simulations explore specific problems in quantum physics that are beyond the capacity of classical systems. Simulating complex quantum phenomena could be one of the most important applications of quantum computing.

Universal Quantum Computers

Universal quantum computers are the most powerful and most generally applicable, but also the hardest to build. The basic idea behind the universal quantum computer is that you could direct the machine at any massively complex computation and get a quick solution. They can be programmed to run quantum algorithms that make use of qubits’ special properties to speed up calculations.

Quantum Computers are very intelligence computers that help us make the day to day life easier.
Quantum Pigeonhole Effect | Quantum Computing Weekly #9
Tags: Science, Quantum Computing, Pigeons, Programming, Quantum Physics

Tiny Fact of the week

Quantum pigeons (not really)

You may have heard of quantum entanglement, but have you heard of its cousin, cosmic correlation connections? Using pre-selection and post-selection, we can get a connection between two particles — in other words, measurements made in different times (like the future) can affect quantum systems in the present. Check this out to learn more about the research and get an introduction to the idea of how 3 pigeons can occupy two pigeonholes without any being shared. If you’d really like to dive deep down into the pigeon hole, then here’s the original paper.

Learn

This week I’d like to draw attention to this great video by Microsoft Research about quantum computing for (classical) computer scientists. It dips into real examples, and uses code written in Q# (based on F#) which I personally hadn’t seen before!

News

Thanks for reading! Contribute?

Written an interesting blog post or found some interesting things to share about quantum computing? Spotted a mistake? Get in touch by email (hit reply) or ping me on twitter (@jesperht).

The man turning China into a quantum superpower — www.technologyreview.com

Jian-Wei Pan, China’s “father of quantum”, is masterminding its drive for global leadership in technologies that could change entire industries.

Intel’s quest to build the world’s first true quantum computer — www.newscientist.com

James Clarke, of Intel’s quantum computing research team, tells New Scientist about his ambitions to make the first device with a million qubits

arxiv.org

This researcher from the University of Oslo wrote an amazing paper on the quantum mechanical use for information processing and memory.

The Unlikely Origins of the First Quantum Computer — gizmodo.com

Within days of each other back in 1998, two teams published the results of the first real-world quantum computations. But the first quantum computers weren’t computers at all. They were biochemistry equipment, relying on the same science as MRI machines.

IBM at CES 2019 outlines Q System One quantum computer — www.zdnet.com

The Q System One has a modular design and parts designed to minimize interference. IBM’s plan is to start scaling quantum computational center.

Thanks for reading! Contribute?

Written an interesting blog post or found some neat things to share about quantum computing? Spotted a mistake? Ping me on twitter (@jesperht) or leave a comment below.
Sam
By: Martha Clayton Banfield
Tags: Grief And Loss, Cats, Short Story

Since you have been gone, going on two months now, Sam your cat, has taken to me and I guess I am now his official “person.” You tended to him, although I helped out even though he aggravated me all of the time wanting “treats.” Yes, even while you were still alive, he would come to me for his treat.

I am sure he doesn’t know where you have gone. He doesn’t know that we buried your ashes out at the cemetery, and even if he had been there, being just a cat, he would still not have known.

So, I take care of him for you, and as usual, he is shedding like crazy, leaving massive fur chunks all over the carpet. It looks like he is falling apart, for real, just like I seem to have been doing alot of since you passed away.

He is also very thin and skinny, just like you got there at the end of your life. He can still eat, even though you couldn’t really keep much down there at the last. At least he is surviving, but I truly know he is the last house cat.

He still goes down to your end of the house, where you stayed in your mancave, office, and bedroom. He loved to sit on your desk while you were typing away. I know he still does it out of habit, but he does go down there. Your mancave, where Sam would sleep in your wheelchair while you were sleeping. Sometimes you would come down to “my” end of the house where I stayed, holding Sam on your lap in the wheelchair. I knew then you had to move him out of your chair so you could move.

Sometimes he slept on the back of your recliner or even in your lap, but those days are now gone. So, here is Sam now, meowing like crazy at my feet for a canned treat, just as if you were still here…
Families and Co-Grieving
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Grieving Process, Grief And Loss, Family

None of us live in a vacuum. We all operate within groups and systems. We’re social critters and families often go through losses together, whether it be the loss of a loved one, loss of a pet, or the loss of a home.

The thing about grief though is that it’s not an orderly process. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross gave us the stages of grief that hold together well, but they’re not necessarily linear. You don’t step through this process from one emotion to the next. It’s much more free flowing than that.

So, coordinating grief between people–even close people–can be really tricky. You may be feeling up while another person may be down.

There will be some days where the entire family might be in a rut and it’s just nobody can be helpful to one another.

If you’re not watchful of family dynamics, people can become competitive with their grief. Whose grief is bigger? Who demands more attention? I think the key here with co-grieving is to name it, while practicing effective communication, patience and kindness. You can’t force grief.

So just let it flow and ask for space from the people who you know and love and give them the same.

For a stark contrast to the archetypal grief, when we were lowering my sister into her casket at her funeral, I started laughing. I was so embarrassed, as you can imagine. But I couldn’t stop it. Obviously, there was nothing funny about this moment, but in those seconds, I was struck by how absurd all of this was, and the laughter came out of me. I had no control over it.

What I really needed in this moment was patience and understanding. Luckily, I got that from the people around me. This is why it’s so important to note grief. In doing so, you can create and give space to people. If you don’t name grief, you sound like you’re moody and you can start stepping on toes.

Take advantage of the cover of grief. We should grant that space to each other.
The Myth of “Getting Over” a Loss
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Grieving, Grief And Loss

The idea here is to find a way to live with grief, not just get over it. The “get over it” language is just terrible. When people ask me if I still get upset about my sister, I say yes. I do. I’m smiling because I had this very delayed grief response. When my sister passed, I really rammed myself back into life. I immediately began caregiving for my parents, ostensibly because I felt that their pain was bigger than mine. I thought that was the right response– a strong response. Bit by bit, the pain faded over the years. I felt as though I had processed her death the further I moved from her in time.

It’s been 20 years now. Several years after her death, I began to finally feel the suffering. It took me a long time to feel the pain in a real way.

And it took me even longer to consider what I should do with the pain. It was only recently that I could actually think of her and actually imagine her presence. When I would try to remember her before, all I would see is black. A black monolith, a black space– an empty space. It was hard for me to even summon her image, because the second I did, I felt guilt and regret.

Now I’m at the point where I can actually picture her. I can picture her smiling at me. I can picture her crying. I can picture all sorts of things.

I can picture her with me.

I’m 20 years in, so I’m a very late bloomer. But my point here is that grieving is active for a long time, as long as you’re around.

In some ways, it’s never too late.
Suffering in Isolation
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Community, Shared, Grief And Loss, Isolation

A lot of us are lonely. This sense of loneliness is exacerbated by the pandemic, which leads to significant suffering in isolation. Many of us are also isolated from ourselves internally. And then there are groups of us who are structurally and systematically disenfranchised.

This is a truth that is becoming more and more obvious.

So, this is where I think there’s potential for grief to heal these divides because it is something that transcends socioeconomic boundaries. But besides this aspiration that grief can be a grounding mechanism, it’s really important to also note that there’s compounding of loss that occurs in systematically disenfranchised groups.

In some ways, I suppose I have experienced this as a disabled person.

We have something to share between us. We also have something to sort of team up and deal with as disenfranchised individuals. This collective pain can be an unshakeable bond. How do we get what we need? How do we get what we want? . How do we present ourselves to the world? We do that as a team.
Grief and Anger
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Grieving, Emotions, Grief And Loss, Anger

I think it’s helpful to realize that those who are in grief, are expressing their truth. For someone on the outside, it may feel tempting to pull someone out of their grieving process, but grief can actually be a welcoming destination because it doesn’t kick anything or anybody out. We don’t have to be divided here.

That being said, I think it’s important to identify when you find yourself lashing out. You can circle back and say, “Hey, I’m sorry. I wasn’t angry at you, I’m really reacting to my dad’s death.” Whatever it is, the communication is really key here, but it is not surprising that you’re angry at this time. It’s fine if you have no patience. These are really, really difficult times.

And I guess my last thought here is to say that the goal here isn’t to feel good. I mean this is another sort of frenzy and a social construct in our society. It’s all about feeling good. Now the idea here is to build out our capacity to feel anything, even everything.

Let’s not make an enemy of hard feelings. It’s not like if we conquer grief, then we don’t have to deal with those pesky thoughts.

The idea is to welcome grief, so we have a larger capacity to handle hard feelings. Hard, easy, comfortable — those are some of our adjectives. Those feelings just exist.

There doesn’t need to be a hierarchy to them.
Growing Through Loss vs. Being Crushed by Loss
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Grief And Loss, Growth

There’s somewhat of a razor’s edge where loss can lead to growth and expansion, or loss can crush us. So what’s the difference?

It may be hard to distinguish, but a large part of the conversation here is that society has not made space for this. If I’m in pain, dealing with loss, and I look around me, there’s no place for suffering. I can’t see it in other people’s faces. There’s no social structure or safety net waiting for me. There are very few groups and conversations like ours.

When I come to this realization of isolation, I begin to question whether I may be an anomaly, or if something is wrong with me. That’s when I started shrinking, personally. So I think a major part of that razor is determining how to handle loss with each other. If I feel if I’m supported through my loss, then I can be loved and held while I go through it.

I can know that there’s still a place for me in this world.

Then, I can start getting creative and understand what I want to learn from that pain. But all of the growth stems from a response to myself, which is initiated by the response of others to me. So I think what all of us can do here is be there for people who are in active loss or having pain.This could be as simple as holding some emotional space for them.

It doesn’t need to be a massive lift.
Supporting a Griever
By: Bj Miller
Tags: Grieving, Support, Grief And Loss, Empathy

Flowers, saying “I’m sorry for your loss”, and being an open listener are some of the common strategies that we have heard when it comes to supporting someone who is grieving. Some people dismiss these gestures because they feel empty. But honestly, they are still effective ways to show people that you care.

As someone who has experienced loss, what really helps me is when someone doesn’t run away from me or any part of me. I appreciate when someone can authentically share the awkward tension.

You can also say a lot with your eyes or a hand on the shoulder. Empathy doesn’t necessarily need to be verbal, but one way or another, it requires that we do not run away from each other. And I mean that both physically and emotionally. As a provider and a friend, there are many times when I don’t know what to say and I’m not sure what they need to hear. So I’ll talk myself out of even trying. I’ll talk myself into believing that they don’t want me to bring it up. Well, this is generally not true.

I think this is where we’re being called to build out our capacity. And for me it’s very helpful to remember that my definition of compassion is to feel something on behalf of somebody else. It should be endless. Where I start getting squirrely is when I feel obligated to do something — when thoughts like “I’m supposed to make this all better” or “I’m supposed to fix it” arise, I just remind myself it costs nothing for me to feel something. It truly is an endless supply of feeling. I believe that teasing out compassion and actually feeling something through someone, whether it’s through vibes, words, or flowers registers somewhere in our body.

These days, feeling something - really feeling something- on behalf of another person is a form of activism.
Designing a post-covid world
By: Puja Prakash
Tags: Systems Thinking, Coronavirus, Covid 19, Grief And Loss, Design Thinking

Designing a post-covid world

My digital journal where I’m collecting snippets and inspiration from news, government resources, artists and design interventions

It’s week two of classes. And project briefs have been announced. Some of the projects are independent work, while some are group. But all centre on how design and systems thinking can create innovations for a post-COVID world.

The current pandemic has exposed and surfaced all the broken aspects of our social, economic, political and cultural systems. And as students of strategic foresight and innovation, we get to reimagine and co-create ways these systems can evolve equitably and sustainably. Using the pandemic as a lens is a requirement in most project briefs. Even if this were not a requirement, it would be an inescapable reality to work with.

For the Business and Design Thinking course, the first project feeds into the second and final projects. We are creating a social impact initiative that addresses the needs of vulnerable urban communities impacted by covid-19. And in prep for this our first assignment relates to the first step of the design process — problem finding.

I’ll be working independently to map out stakeholders and analyze their influence and interconnections related to a topic. I have zeroed in on the topic of supporting the transition and grieving process of people who have lost loved ones during the pandemic. I’m trying to explore how design can ameliorate the process of grief that loved ones go through, particularly in the light of the pandemic. There are different complexities at play here: limited access to community and shared experience of grieving, inability to travel to see your loved ones, absence of cultural rituals, constant media bombardment with pandemic news, little attention paid to digital death on social media, etc.

For the Innovation Research Methods course, I am partnering with a classmate to research the topic of workplace culture in a distributed setting focusing equity and inclusion. We will be handling this topic throughout the course, implementing research methods as we go along.

For the better part of the weekend I was trying to find the most perfect idea to move forward with for both my assignments. But no amount of detailed conversation or research was getting me closer to it. This morning, I listed out all the ideas on an app I use called Journal and began gathering snippets, news and articles on each area. While doing that a couple of topics organically seemed to jump out as more relevant and aligned with my interests. I wish I had a more sophisticated decision-making process, but I decided not to be super precious about these and to just go with the flow.

More updates on my projects and process in the coming posts. Stay tuned!
Thank you, Lucas.
By: Laura Hunt Manville
Tags: Death, Grief And Loss, Family, Cancer

Thank you, Lucas. My father passed in January of 2019 from colorectal cancer. He lasted 4.5 months and was so graceful during that time. The disease tore up his body. It spares no dignity, he was in constant, horrible pain. Yet he refused to give in to it. Until it took him, he remained the person he always was.

Dad’s #1 focus was his family. So of course he spent his last months preparing us — his family — for his death. We knew what he wanted if he became unconscious. That had been a discussion for years, starting in my parents 70’s. This time was different. Somehow, he made it clear that I was going to have to take the lead when it came time to make the decision.

He became unconscious after surgery when he was in septic shock and on a ventilator. Because of his preparation, I was ready. When I knew my dad was gone, I approached my mom. Just like Dad knew I would.

Dad passed on January 12, 2019 with Mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, my ex-husband, and me surrounding him.

I wrote a story about my dad’s cancer and how it helped me to resolve my depression. I’ll be publishing it this week. You might want to look for it.

Happy New Year

L
When You’re “Shamed” for Grieving the Loss of A Pet
By: Cindy Grogan
Tags: Pets And Animals, Psychic, Grief, Pets, Grief And Loss

I’ve done psychic readings for a fair number of folks who have lost a beloved pet. I follow a couple of “animal” or “pet loss” groups on social media. Besides the agony of the absence of a fur-baby, there’s another aspect I notice of this particular grieving process: thinking that you’re somehow weak or wrong or overly hysterical because you’re having a hard time getting past it. It’s a unique kind of loneliness, one that I haven’t seen the equivalent of over the loss of a close human.

You may have friends, coworkers or family who don’t quite understand why the loss of your pet is such a big deal to you. How many of us have heard something along the lines of “It was only a cat,” or “Well, you can always get another one.” Like the animal who seemed to know your every thought and was always there for you was just a blender or a pair of shoes. So, you deeply internalize your grief, worrying that you’re some kind of freak. And that makes the process even more difficult.

I am here to tell you that what you’re experiencing is totally OK. There is no time frame on grieving the loss of a beloved animal. Have you seen that meme that goes something like “A pet leaves pawprints on your heart”? They do, and for that reason alone, accepting their physical absence is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. For some clients, they worry that it’s been five years and they’re still “not over it.” Fact is, you may never be. Of course, you’ll likely function better day to day, but it’s entirely possible that one day you may see an animal who reminds you of your lost fur-baby, and just fall apart.

Again, that’s OK.

I believe that one of the roles that animals play in our life is opening up our hearts and souls — which, in turn, makes us better humans. The love they show is profound and can’t be found anywhere else — not even in your family, in my opinion. I mean, do you cry at those ads for the ASPCA or over the dire circumstances of endangered species? (Raises hand).

So “moving on” is a complicated process, different for everyone. The main takeaway I want you to have is that this is about the relationship you had with your pet — unique, personal, and frankly, none of anyone else’s damn “bidness” (even if they mean well). Don’t feel like you need to be on a timetable.

I would suggest that a grief support group can be helpful (they do have them for pet parents). There are also like-minded folks on social media where you’ll find people who “get it.” Bottom line: let the love you had with your animal live on in your heart. Honor him/her in any way you’d like. Know that the immediate agony will fade over time, but the special connection never will.
7 WAYS TO HELP SOMEONE DEALING WITH LOSS
By: Sunset Concierge
Tags: Grief And Loss, Grief, Grief Support

1.Offer To Make Calls & Follow Up

Often times there are family members and loved ones to inform and keep updated. There are also various arrangements to be made to handle final affairs of the deceased. Assistance with these matters could be considered very helpful and would reduce overwhelm.

2. Food

It’s easy to forget to eat or experience loss of appetite when one is distressed. Meal delivery can help the bereaved remain nourished and healthy during difficult times.

3. Transportation & Logistics

The bereaved often has various appointments while making final arrangements. Co-ordination may also be required for family and loved ones traveling from out of town. Offering to help with airport/train pick ups, a ride to an appointment or paying for a taxi/Uber would definitely help the bereaved.

4. Dog Walking

Offering to walk the dog or gifting a dog walking service could lessen the bereaved’s to-do list.

5. Lawn Service

While grieving small tasks can sometimes feel like a mountain to climb. Help reduce your loved one’s to-do list by providing a lawn care service in the months following your loved ones’s loss.

6. Laundry Service/Housekeeping Services

If possible stop by your grieving loved one to help with laundry and house cleaning. A clean and organized environment can be uplifting.

7. Gift Certificates/Cards

Someone is more likely to make use of a service or buy a product with a gift card for a specific place. Instead of asking the bereaved if (s)he would like to go out for lunch or go for a manicure surprise them with a gift certificate/card.

Avoid telling the bereaved to call if they need you or asking what they might need. When someone is grieving (s)he does not always have the presence of mind to assess their needs or may not want to burden others.

Sunset Concierge is available to help you with the task of informing loved ones of a death.

Please call us at 404.820.1045 or email us at angel@sunsetconcierge.com
Bounce
By: Maame Blue
Tags: Short Story, Flash Fiction, Flash Fiction Friday, Grief And Loss, Family

Picture Credits: Joanne Clifford

The ball of his feet. Synthetic material. One toe poking out of the sheet, the other foot pressing lightly against my calf. Things feels strange all the time now. I try not to stir him. The lawyer will call in an hour but we’ll both ignore our phones. We’re having an ‘us’ day. Our last day, together. I wonder if sleeping is a waste of time. He snores softly beside me and I suppose not.

Sleep doesn’t come easy for me. Every time I close my eyes I see her, twisted at the bottom of the stairs, blue dress uplifted, the hem covering her mouth, her neck wrong, her eyes, open. The ball had rolled away from her like it couldn’t care less, like it was a passer-by.

She loved to play with it, hated its confiscation when she was acting up. She would bawl for it, lashing out angrily, small fists against our big legs, managing to pry the ball from my tired fingers, running away with reckless anguish, eyes a wet, blurry mess, the steps an invisible nuisance in the midst of a five-year-old’s tantrum.

The bounce of her body was a shameful act that we would pay penance for until our dying breaths. Soon twelve strangers would decide if we paid at home or in a dark, locked cell. But tomorrow was a lifetime away. Today was for reflection, for memorising the feel of him next to me, for trying to forget the thud of that bounce.
7 years
By: Lily Orabelle Omar
Tags: Grief And Loss

it’s been seven years, yet somehow it never happened. not even for a moment am I to accept the terms and conditions of losing a brother. the days it fully sinks it, the drain is still clogged. the faucet dripping dripping dripping. one day, I will sit at the side of your grave and speak to not only you but to another brother laying beside him and cry. at that moment, death and I will be one, the terms and conditions finally breached, I will feel death inside me and for a moment. just for a moment. I will see you. just the slightest glimpse, my hand won’t have time to lift, hoping to reach you in time so that the warmth of your skin won’t be foreign and one of the aching sores blistering beneath my lungs each time I breathe might heal. so that when I remember you, I might feel happy instead of angry. death will give me no more than a moment, death is not merciful to anyone but the one dying. the one with one foot already in the grave. even though he slammed his breaks, his seatbelt never clicked, and that was the end. airbag to the face-whiplash. no more neural signals firing to tickle your heart to beat. death took you away because you had finished living your life and with a sigh. death hovered over me and gave me, a child, an anger that would burn like a candle under the rain. flickering with all the strength that it can, but in the end, it knows it cannot control the weather, dying in its dance to stay alive. fate. death and fate are acquaintances; one does the dirty work, the work that drenches the heart in a molten pool of nothing but heartbreak and a splash of disbelief. seven years ago today, I watched him slam the front door and never come back.
going on, despite…
By: Camille Mola
Tags: Grief, Resilience, Grief Recovery, Grief And Loss

I considered titling this post “writing and feeling things”, because that’s what is going on at this moment. Sitting at home, allowing myself to feel a lot of things I would very much prefer to not be feeling. Angrily, I began writing and spewing every thought and word that entered my brain, a stream of consciousness. A mishmash of words and emotions, this post is for those experiencing loss, grief and heartbreak.

going on, despite…

Life is beautiful, confusing, magnificent, sad, tragic and unfair.

Life will knock you off your feet in an instant. Life will have you feeling on top of the world in the next. It’s a journey, with endless highs and lows. And it will be littered with sad moments.

Learning and trying to move forward and continue to live life, while still in the thick of the sadness, feels wrong, dirty, and inappropriate.

Like a tidal wave, it will crush you and everything in its wake. Have you swimming laps until you can make sense of it all.

Tonight, I chose to not be swept under the waves.

Tonight I choose to find comfort and happiness in the things around me. The fresh coat of fire engine red polish I just lacquered onto my nails. The pasta I made myself for dinner. The peppermint tea I’m sipping on while watching a Christmas episode of Bob’s Burgers, even though it’s February.

I’ll take comfort in the uncertainty of the future, and the good things that still have to show themselves. Possibilities are endless and boundless, the universe is overflowing with goodness to come.

Tonight I will also take comfort in my sadness, in knowing that I am not alone and am surrounded, even on the darkest of days. Also in knowing there was someone so magnificent in my life for me to feel this deeply and mournful about.

I will continue to celebrate, and I will continue to look and ask for signs, as I believe in them and find them to be beautiful when we see them.

Life goes on.

Goes on, despite…

Someone being gone.

Heartbreak.

Loss.

We choose to go on.

Life goes on, despite…
Cannabidiol For Stress Relief
By: Victoria Smith
Tags: Cbd, Wellness, Relaxation, Dogs, Grief And Loss

Outside with a CBD Preroll

My heart was aching.

My dogs died. Two months apart. A year and a half ago. I had them both as pups, mother and daughter. Over a decade, they’d been by my side — riding in the back of my Volvo wagon, through raising 2 kids, PTA meetings, hurricanes, long hikes and a divorce.

Four days after my second dog died, I got sick with a hellish ear and sinus infection that took 3 rounds of antibiotics to get under control. To add to my distress, the side effects of the 5 weeks of numerous medications I was taking also took a toll on my body.

As a yoga and wellness professional, I’ve always prided myself (cough cough ego) on being in tip-top health. Challenges to my health rocked and confused me. Also, for the first time, I realized the special role my dogs had played as part of my emotional support system. This “aha!” moment made the gravity of their absence weigh heavy on my heart.

I needed stress relief!

Yoga, meditation and my other self-care practices were definitely helping me to stay grounded, especially my daily breathing exercises (thank the heavens), but I needed a little something more. Therapy was an option, but an option that would take a while to put in place.

A close friend suggested that I try CBD (Cannabidiol). She explained that it would give me the relaxing benefits of marijuana without feeling high. CBD is totally legal and absent of THC the compound in MJ that gives you the psychoactive in-the-clouds-feeling.

So off I went to my local magic shop. I browsed through the colorful array of gemstones, racks of incenses, spell potions, metaphysical books and chakra candles until I came across the CBD section. There in front of me were cbd teas, oils, bath bombs, e-pens, candy gummies and prerolled joints. The attendant suggested I try the prerolls due to their more immediate effect. I went home, had a Falafel for dinner, smoked some CBD preroll and slept the night away. Ever since, I’ve been sold on the benefits of CBD!

You can easily find great places that sell cbd who offers online purchasing or curbside pick-up. Luckily, I came across a hemp store that buys from organic growers in our area. I love all the swagger names for the different strains . Like Tarantula for relaxation. Wifey for focus. OG Purple for insomnia. Sweetgrass for nausea. Through experimenting, I discovered that I can use CBD during the day to ease tension and still feel awake, aware, present — highly functional. As well as partake in CBD at bed time for extra support in getting a great night’s sleep!

If your interested in trying CBD, I suggest you do a bit of homework on the various strains or just go for it and experiment with what works best for you. Please, keep in mind that CBD does not replace mental health therapy and that my story is based on my experience. I am not a medical doctor or hemp professional, I simply enjoy sharing the self-care practices that work for me in the hopes that my experiences may help others on their wellness journey.

Be well,

~VictoRIA