A 20-year Life Review
By: Soul Foolosophist
Tags: Astrology, Psychology, Self, Soul, Spirituality

A 20-year Life Review

I am ceremoniously closing this 20 year cycle with a written reflection…

Dancing into the next 20 years looking as cute as ever!

2001–2005

You didn’t pursue Law school after having taken Political Science in UP Diliman because you realized that the man-made justice system is a joke. You lived out your College days: partied hard (the works). Your now-a-lawyer ex-BF, who asked you to elope at 19 but had to turn down, persuaded you to pursue Nursing and the 7 years you had with him wasn’t a guarantee of faithfulness because as fate would have it, you met the father of your only child who you ended all contact with 15 years ago to this day. You relied on your family for support and for a time, it was hard for you to accept that you have become a single mother. In retrospect, it was having your son that got you “in-line”. Your free-spirit may have seemed caged for a time but actually, it was just blown into a different direction on the path to your destiny. And so far, it has turned out beautifully!

2006–2010

You practiced being a Registered Nurse and quickly realized that it wasn’t for you. A work of service is noble but not when you are overworked and underpaid (even if working overseas was an option, it was never in your consideration because leaving your child knowing that you are his only parent is inconceivable). The sexual harassment from Doctor superiors, indecent proposals from patients and co-workers, all the illness and death that surrounded you got to you. So you got into the BPO industry for a relatively higher pay without using much brain power whilst deciding what you really want. A year into it, your Father passed away. You realized that you need to fuckin’ get it together because no one will support you but yourself. You have become the primary provider and care-giver to your Mom and your son, and felt the need to step-up. You struggled with the work set-up because you are too intelligent for the job-grade and was often perceived as a “threat” by the insecure (and there were a lot of them) but the few who realized your value taught you that, it takes one person to believe in you without pride or prejudice in order for you to turn your potentiality into a reality. You put in the work, learned as much as you can, used you talent for speaking and writing as a springboard for the career you have now. When you weren’t working, you were drinking to numb your thinking because your soul knows you are meant to take a new path but your ego is burdensome. As for your romantic relationships, they were about sex with no depth, made you feel empty and energetically drained. You also noticed that you attract attached/married men like flies to shit.

2011–2015

After 7 years of being single from the previous decade (not sex-less but selective), you chose to be in a serious relationship with a College-Lawyer friend and this was after you both decided that since the sex was good then it wouldn’t hurt to see how far it could go. 3 years with him made you grow so much: You got more into fitness, switched careers twice, travelled a lot, expanded your circle and doors opened for you. Admittedly, you were immature in so many ways, and your family’s and his family’s values were not aligned. You broke up and it damn nearly killed you. Yet you are still here and you still believe in true love.

At work, you were often challenged by colleagues for not fitting into their sheep-thinking that you were often ostracized for being different. Yet you remained true to yourself and you learned that by doing that, what is truly meant for you, you receive. And you have received so many good things that to this day, it amazes you!

2016–2020

The last 5 years has been dense with experience but they were mostly recurring ones that were more like tests to see if you have learned the lessons you are meant to learn in this lifetime in terms of arc.

In the arc of career and work dynamics: When you set-up and managed the Australian School, you learned that hiring relatives and friends is disastrous, and that you needed to make major adjustments on your attitude towards subordinates and the way you treat them. You moved to a large conglomerate company that on the surface, seemed safe for long-term stability but then the system frustrated you (it was like a privatized government set-up) and worse, you got sexually harassed by your direct superior and the landscape is highly political with a lot of ass-kissing and back-stabbing that you can not stand. For a time you started several entrepreneurial endeavors but they fell through because there was no equitability (and perhaps, it wasn’t meant to prosper because there are lessons you’ve yet to learn before you venture out on your own, God knows). You are now in a beauty company wherein all the skills you amassed in the realm of health, medicine, technology, customer service, retail and beauty in the last 15 years can be harnessed, integrated and applied. You are exactly where you are meant to be. But you are still struggling in empowerment due to limitations brought about by hierarchy, ego-blockages and power-play with colleagues. It is oftentimes so fucking painful because patience isn’t your strongest virtue but it is what you must have in abundance.

In the arc of self-worth/value to self and to others: You often attract ultra-rich men who want to control you or own you. You’re having none of that shit. You are attractive to people who see you as “the fantasy”. There are those who want you for a good time, not for a long time and you understand all that. You even got on dating apps for the same reason and almost fell back on the same pattern from the last 15 years. And so you decided that it’s not for you anymore and so you chose to be celibate for years. Using sex as an entryway or as a gauge for a possible relationship at this point in your life, is untenable. But you have needs, and so you are of the mindset that if you were to sex, then it should be with one person, for energy concentration and energy conservation. You have trust issues and you’re afraid of commitment, that is why you often go for low or no-risk relationship set-ups that has little or no attachments. You have control issues too because you’ve known pain and so you want to avoid it through self-sabotage, you see something end before it even begins and this melancholia steals the joy of the moment. You feel that people who are meant to be in your life will be on your path.

You have been undergoing a spiritual awakening for the last 5 years and it will go on for the next 80 or so. Now when you have a certain experience of something or with someone, you often say to yourself, “What the fuck did I do in my past life to deserve this?” or “What the fuck did we do to each other in our past lives?” or “I must have done something good to receive all this goodness!”, and you say it all in passive acceptance and in good humor. When it is harsh, you cry it out and forgive, that’s it. In most days it’s just “chop wood, carry water” anyway. You get bored easily and you seek stimulation to feel alive. You’re aware of it and that’s a good start.

You see the patterns. Don’t repeat them. So now, you are tying the loose ends of fate and finishing up old karma. The cycle ends today, Dec 21 2020.