What I Learned About Myself From This Year’s Income Taxes
By: Tara Mcmullin
Tags: Personal Development, Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Small Business, Life Lessons

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Last week, I signed off on my 2018 income taxes— and for the first time in 10 years, I didn’t owe any money to the IRS.

In fact, I’m getting a refund.

I’d love to tell you that’s because I was much more diligent with my financial planning. And that is partially true.

But the main reason I’m getting a refund is that I made a lot less money last year.

Not gonna lie: this was a big hit to my ego.

Worse, I realized how much my personal identity as a provider, businesswoman, and leader was tied up in the dolla dolla bills.

I’d like to think that this is not as cliche as it sounds.

My issue was not thinking that if I couldn’t go on a fancy vacation or buy all the Lululemon leggings that I was nobody. It wasn’t that I was overly motivated by money or even greedy.

My issue was that…

I had come to believe that my credibility as a leader in the small business space was tied to the steady upward trajectory of my personal income and business revenue.

And, in a market where monthly income reports, revenue-based marketing, and rags-to-riches stories run rampant, I wasn’t off.

Fewer people want to interview you on their podcasts when you can’t claim to have increased your revenue by 50% based on this one weird Facebook ad campaign. You aren’t asked to contribute to as many expert round-up articles when you aren’t selling a 6-figure or 7-figure online course. It’s hard to be the subject of glowing profile pieces when you’re in the thick of building something new that few people (including yourself) entirely understand.

It didn’t just feel like my paycheck took a hit, it felt like my credibility took a hit.

But, I don’t want to be measured on how much money I can make. I don’t want the only stories associated by my name to revolve around revenue.

I want to be measured on whether my company and I can innovate for the benefit of our customers. I want to be known for being persistent enough to create something truly excellent, something that customers rave about. I want my credibility to be firmly grounded in crafting the conditions for our listeners and members to get exactly what they need to grow their businesses — whether it makes for a sexy headline or not.

So, I’ve started to rebuild my identity around the work itself — not the money that results from it.

My company produces an exceptional podcast that gives listeners access to the behind the scenes of how businesses actually run (no gurus, hype, or magic formulas).

My company hosts an exceptional network of small business owners having candid conversations about what’s working and not working in their businesses. We’ve dialed in operations, honed our approach, and nurtured a community culture of constructive optimism.

My company facilitates small group masterminds that bring business owners together around a common goal. I’ve personally had the chance to level up my facilitation skills and learn how much I love this role.

I am learning to identify with the process of attaining mastery — not the mastery of money-making.

Today, my company operates better than it ever has.

Our customers are happier than they’ve ever been. Our products are being used by more people than they ever have.

We have essentially rebuilt our business from the ground up over the last 2 years. There was almost no way that was going to happen without taking a hit on both revenue and profit. Sure, I could (and would) have done things differently but the mistakes are part of the process.

Excellence doesn’t happen overnight — even if revenue can.

What’s kind of crazy to me is that the business I let go of — that one formed my identity as an earner — didn’t have the same revenue potential of the business I have now.

Because we’ve taken the time (oh lord, time!) to get systems right and the energy to do things exceptionally well, we’re poised to generate more revenue than ever before.

So I’ll take that refund this year and remind myself that it’s a symbol of a much bigger investment: doing great work, creating things of immense value, and aiming for being exceptional.