Lonely Lesbian
By: Jamie Fitzpatrick-Elliott
Tags: Humor, Lesbian, LGBT, Growth

Lonely Lesbian

I am by no means a writer, but I do have a story to tell. Let’s see where to start. I’ll start with some basic information about me. My name is Jamie, I’m 31 years old, and I am gay. I feel the need to tell you that mainly because the story I’m getting ready to share revolves around that subject a little. This isn’t my coming out story. This is just a snap shot of a moment in my life that revolves around a really lonely lesbian.

Back when I was a baby gay some mere 4 and half years ago, I did what many baby gays do. I took to the internet!!! Now in the spirit of full transparency I must say that I wasn’t Looking for someone to date or looking for someone to be in a relationship with. I was naïve and honestly looking for community. More on that subject of gay “community” later.

In one of my internet dives into the gay world I came across a social platform called meetup. I quickly joined 2 groups and started to attend events. I will be honest and say I wasn’t really impress with a lot of these meetup gatherings because most of the time I was the only one my age and the only woman of color, but I continued to go. I’m glad I did because I ended up meeting a really good friend. However that wasn’t the case for most of the people I met.

Insert Lana. I’m going to call her Lana for the sake of anonymity. Yes Lana the lesbian. I first met Lana at an art gallery. We were surrounded by a group of fabulous gay men and we were the only two lesbians. She was older and loud and seem like fun. She approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining her and her friends at the local lesbian bar. I said sure. I was happy to go because I’ve always wanted to go to that bar. I know you are reading that and screaming red flag, BUT did I mention how naïve I was. The first night out with her was fine. I had fun with her friends and I danced the night away surrounded by people like me. The night ended with me just going home and her staying out with her friends. We text from time to time and our text messages mainly were about upcoming meetup events, and all the ones we would attend. She kept telling me that it would be best to go to these things with a partner (red flag number 2).

We went to a few events together mainly gallery events as friends, and each time it would end on a platonic note. I would later realize dating looks differently in gay world than straight world especially for older gay women (well for some older gay women). On the last event I attended with Lana things got really weird. She text me earlier that night and asked if I could pick her up. She was really apologetic for asking, she kept saying she lives really far out of the city but she wanted to attend. I told her I didn’t Mind the drive and that I would come pick her up. Soon after we Hung up she sent me a text, and asked me for my address, I did think that was strange and asked her why, if I was picking her up. she explained that she feels bad for having me drive all that way and she would just Uber to me and then we can drive together (red flag number 3), and of course I gave her my address minus the apartment number. So here’s when the story finally gets interesting.

I wait 2 hours for her to show only to have her call me and ask that I come pick her up from a place that’s only 20mins from my apartment. She said that she got all the way to my apartment complex and didn’t think it was correct and had the Uber take her to another location. My dumb ass went and got her. Still to this day I laugh at my stupidity. When I picked her up I immediately picked up on the fact that she was really intoxicated, and maybe that’s where the Uber drive decided to drop her off.

We made it to the event, and normally what we do at these things is go our separate ways once we arrive, but this time she was following me around and it was really uncomfortable. There was a lady there that she knew and she introduced me to this lady as her girlfriend. That’s when I looked at her and said you and I aren’t in a relationship at all. Why would you say that. The lady she introduced me to kind of laugh and then walked away. I felt bad that I embarrassed her in front of her friend but that wasn’t ok.

I told her I was leaving and she apologized and said she was only joking and asked if I could give her a ride to that lesbian bar, I took her mainly because I was going over there myself anyway. We got there and went our separate ways. I’m sitting at a table by myself and all of a sudden she plops down and starts talking to me like nothing happened.

She grabbed my hands and started asking me weird questions like “where did you put the ring I gave you?” And saying things like “I can’t believe I ran into you after all of these years” I realize that she’s almost black out wasted and even though she made me uncomfortable I wasn’t comfortable with leaving her there and would feel really bad if something happened to her so I offered to take her home since I had her address.

I had doubts about taking her home because I was afraid of what she could do, but I’ve been in the car with her all night, and nothing happened. Plus I figured I’d crash my car before I allow anything to happen lol. On the car ride she kept thanking me for taking her home and asked me if I still danced at the club. I asked her what she was talking about, and she flat out said you are the stripper I fell in love with. Y’all when I tell you I was shocked and entertained at the same time. I laughed and said I’ve never been a stripper In my life and you must have me mixed up with someone else.

We went back and forth on this car ride from hell about me NOT being a stripper. When we finally got to her house she refused to get out of my car until we talked though some things. I resisted the urge to call her crazy and repeatedly said you need to get yourself in your home. She FINALLY got the message and got out of the car.

She intentionally walked behind the back of my car so I couldn’t back out and waited next to my driver window. I didn’t fully roll the window down, but she proceeded to have one last awkward exchange with me. She asked if I would come in, and offered to make me a bath and listen to the twilight soundtrack. She said in the morning she would make me breakfast while I played with her dogs. Dumbfounded I just slowly started to back out of her drive and watched as she stumbled towards her house. She text me and said she left her keys on the top of my car and that they fell off the roof. I didn’t reply

And as I drove away from Lana the lesbian I had a deep sinking pit in my stomach. Lana wasn’t weird (well not fully) or even crazy. Lana was just lonely. She was searching like me for connecting with someone, although her way was a little frightening, and I didn’t Want to be like Lana the lonely lesbian. In my 40s and no one to come home to.

In that moment the fantasy facade I had about my lesbian journey faded and I was forced to face the harsh reality of it all. It scared me so much that it started my spiral back into the closest and the idea of maybe I can just fake heterosexuality. What the heck I’ve been doing it for 27 years already. I was half in and half out of the closet.