Je T’Aime Melancolie
By: Allie Lambert
Tags: Mindfulness, Covid-19, Gratitude, Melancholy, Life Lessons

Je T’Aime Melancolie

Perhaps it’s time we reconcile with the practice of this underrated emotion

After over a week of confinement, spirits were high. Our family is healthy, week one of homeschooling has been achieved successfully — not because we ticked all the academia boxes, but because we made it our own. So a bit on, a bit off-piste—but mostly all fun — and trying new things. And slowing down.

The ultimate mindfulness — being present.

A little less of the things that may not be beneficial: less news —I now tune in once a day or less, for essential information from trusted sources.

Perhaps less social media — I use some of it, sometimes, but try to notice how it makes me feel when I do. It can be hard to take a step back at times, but important for one’s own sanity. As ever, provided the account is well-curated, i.e. following those who make a useful contribution, inspire us or make us smile, it can be worth it. We may do ourselves a favour, cutting out anything that falls short of that.

A lot more family time, (re)connection and doing all the things we’ve been postponing all these years — you know what that will be for you… But take the time to sink into it. One day at a time.

I picked up writing again, almost finished reading that book I started a month ago and might finally resume listening to my favourite podcasts, something I haven’t been able to do since last June (I highly recommend the Mission Daily, ran by a San Francisco-based human bunch dedicated to bringing an alternative to mainstream media, inspiration and learning. About absolutely anything). I even, encouraged by my 6-year-old, sat at a piano for the first time in 25 years and started practising (and it made me smile).

This slow down is also a rare gift. In the words of psychiatrist, author and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl quoted last week: “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.”

Time to re-centre, re-focus, sharpen up on skills or learn new ones. Or to just be. The kids will certainly keep fond memories of it, so let’s make it count.

But then, an unexpected slump.

Not sure why that is. It could be coming down from the high, or staring at another, loud unknown and for a moment, this new uncertainty feels scary. It could be the worry for loved ones, or the moody weather, and I’ve been poorly. Or else, and all of it.

Melancholia — another beautiful word we get from ancient greek — is a profound state of sadness. I don’t mean it in the clinical sense here, but simply as the emotion. Albeit a powerful one that will knock you for six.

After feeling quite unsettled by it, I decided to just let it be. It is not pleasant by any means and easier to bottle up and dismiss as an unwelcome parasite, as we do, as a lot of us have been raised to do for some time. I’m not talking about giving in to it and letting it swallow you whole. But accepting it and letting it be a temporary companion. Douce Mélancolie… This, too, shall pass.

There’s been a “renaissance in thinking” (to quote my friend Liz, who during the lockdown is becoming a proficient poetess) in recent years, with a revival of ancient wisdom — e.g. Stoicism, which may offer guidance and comfort in this time — and widespread popular mindfulness movements, recognising that everything in the universe, including little us, is connected.

And we’re all related, as evidenced more than ever by the huge highlighter of COVID-19. We’re connected to, and dependent on our environment as we see, for example, the effects humankind at a standstill has on the natural world (Oh please, may we learn from that?).

As for our own emotions… We allow ourselves to feel joy and have relentlessly pursued the holy grail of “happiness” (as researched and written about by generations of artists, philosophers, scientists) over thousands of years. There is a lot to be said for those who allow themselves to also feel the darker sentiments without it having to be called a mental illness.

Isn’t it after all, what being a human, or human being is all about? Shouldn’t we allow ourselves to feel the palette of emotions we were born with, to respond to the palettes of situations we may be faced with during our short-lived existence?

Either way, here we are.

Present, mindful of our actions, creative, innovative and although physically separated, more connected than ever, too.

And I would argue that if we are to grow wiser from this, allowing ourselves to feel the entirety of that palette only humans can — in other words, let ourselves be the complete, colourful creatures we’re meant to be — is a solid foundation to build from. We’ve heard time and again that in order to help others we must start at home — own oxygen mask, first. Always.

So let’s take this time to care for ourselves, learn something new, get healthy. Because when this ends, and it will, what awaits us will be a different world — whatever that may be, and a lot will have to do with what we've learnt from this and what we are going to do about it.

Of Gratitude

This piece wouldn’t be complete without the acknowledgement of another all-important aspect of this new, temporary normal: the practice of Gratitude.

Once we let ourselves be and go through what cycles we must — as we all respond very differently to the current event (be it due to culture, upbringings or personal history). Once we have reached the stage of “acceptance” and “problem-solving” we’re also more disposed to gratitude. Counting our blessings and moving forward.

Vulnerability AND strength. Two sides to the same exact coin.