Finding Balance for 2021
By: Marie A Bailey
Tags: Womens Health, Health, Balanced Life, Fitness, Aging Well

Finding Balance for 2021

Two essays — one looking at the past, the other at the future — have given me an unexpected but much needed sense of balance.

My trusty hydrid parked by a favorite spot. Photo by Marie A Bailey

Anyone familiar with my essays here on Medium, and especially in the publication Crow’s Feet, know that I am vain. I don’t know when my self-absorption started. Maybe when I was a pudgy ten-year-old slurping up sugary drinks, maybe when I was 14 and barely eating because I wanted to weigh less than 100 pounds. I had no reason to weigh 100 pounds except that all the attractive girls were often described as “weighing less than” something, usually 100 pounds.

These days I’m lucky to get under 150. And I always scrutinize my figure when I step out of the shower. Has my waist thickened since last time I measured it with my eyes? My saddlebags sag, my breasts droop, my butt … well, the less said about my butt, the better. I often pine for when I had a thin, attractive figure, smooth skin, and a cute butt. But then I read this essay by Kate Frick Sheridan.

In “Reflections of an Aging Feminist,” Kate recalls a college roommate who was thin and beautiful, the center of everyone’s attention until she gained weight and left college. Kate’s writing took me back to my own college days, especially the brief time I spent away at a private college where I had to live in a dorm. But the focus of her essay — the thin, beautiful roommate— is what has stayed with me.

My friend Sarah once said, “I just took it for granted, when I was young, that men would notice me. And for many years they did. But now I’m invisible, and I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. But then I’ll see a pretty young girl, the center of all attention, having the time of her life, and I think to myself, ‘Well, it’s her turn, now.’”

That idea — “it’s her turn, now” — is new to me. I had never thought that I should relinquish my desire to reclaim physical beauty and let other young women have their turn, so to speak. And yet, that’s a place I’m now trying to get to.

Of course, I want to be physically attractive as well, but I’m not sure what physical attractiveness means anymore, especially at my age of 63. I feel physically attractive when I feel healthy and fit, and that is something I learned over the years. The more my body aged, the more I worked at slowing the process and the better I felt overall. When I was in my twenties, I was able to take my attractiveness for granted. I didn’t exercise. I didn’t feel like I had to. I feel I’ll be spending the remaining 20 years of my life making up for the first 20.

But then I read Nancy Peckenham’s essay “A Hike is the Perfect Elixir.”

Nancy is only a couple of years older than me and so it was a thrill to read that she and I share the same basic exercise routine.

[T]his is my plan to stay healthy and active into my 80s. Walk at least three miles every day unless there’s bad weather and moderate hiking and biking when I can.

We both also practice yoga, although I suspect she practices it more than I do. Walking is the one thing I must always be able to do. It’s not always comfortable with my arthritic knees and toes, but it’s necessary to my physical and mental well-being.

These words of wisdom from Nancy’s essay strike the balance that I’ve been looking for: “A lifetime of experience told me that the best way to keep my body functional is to use it.”

Balance is in learning to let go of the impossible — to be that “pretty young girl, the center of all attention” — and embrace the possible — those walks, hikes and bike rides I can still do and enjoy, the yoga poses that stretch my body into warmth and relaxation.

What my body looks like is irrelevant. As I look forward to 2021, I also look forward to claiming this balance of letting go of the impossible and embracing all that is possible.