You Do Not Have to Impress Anyone, Including Yourself
By: Judy J Lutz
Tags: Self Love, Spirituality, Self Confidence, Life Lessons, Spiritual Secrets

You Do Not Have to Impress Anyone, Including Yourself

Let’s see now…Pandemic, check. Economic turmoil, check. Social anxiety, check. Isolation, check. Stack those on top of your routine worries and rants and you’ve got the recipe for disaster, or not.

Did I miss the course on crisis training in elementary school? That’s where we need it most because these times are affecting everyone, especially our children.

BASIC TRAINING

Let’s dust off our coping skills, shall we?

#1: You do not have to impress anyone, including yourself.

Boy does that ever take a load off, but how many can say they don’t let someone else’s opinion influence them? Or at least bother them. You can’t at first because as a baby, you learned how to survive based on your parent’s perspective.

My parents were in the “seen and not heard” generation, I think. I don’t really remember much emotional interaction or instruction other than, “Come home with A’s.” Anything less, unsatisfactory. That word still stings because of my defenseless childhood interpretation, I was just okay.

My mother confirmed it on a day that should have been the most beautiful day of my life, when she met my firstborn son. We were together for just a brief moment, as family was in and out visiting the newborn. “You turned out to be satisfactory.” Wow. That’s all she said to me and it cut like a knife.

No blame though as I realized decades later she was in tremendous pain. It ate away at her so much, there just wasn’t any love left, for herself or others. That story can’t be published, so let’s move on.

Teach Your Children Well

Video credit: TheHelpMovie, YouTube

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” ― Aibileen Clark, The Help

Oh how I wish we’d all heard these words, what a different world we’d live in. A lot of people have an opinion on this subject according to Quora, so before jumping into “how” you gain the courage to not care what people think, I’d like to go over the “why.” Thanks, peanut gallery.

You can’t please everyone.

Believe me, I’ve tried. I’m an empath, so it really upsets me when people get upset. I learned early on how to act according to what was expected of me. I could read people easily and wear the best mask, resolving a multitude of fearful encounters.

The Result

I didn’t know who I was. I lost touch with my core values because they were based on overwhelming randomness, changing constantly depending on who I was with. I lived with the heightened panicky awareness that someone might discover I wasn’t the person I was pretending to be. Is this what causes multiple personality disorder? My traumatic lack of identity did not serve me well, I don’t recommend it.

No one else has the right to tell you who you should be.

I gave away my power so many times, deferring my choices because I didn’t have faith in my own abilities. After all, I was just okay. There were so many people much smarter than me, they would know best.

The Result

It wasn’t until after the age of fifty I discovered this plan wasn’t working for me. Yikes! No one knows you better than yourself. Listen to your aching heart, it wants to speak out on your behalf.

True love doesn’t care.

I missed out on that unconditional love thing. It’s why I lacked the self-confidence to take any big leaps of faith. No matter what I did, I’d probably get into trouble because everybody else mattered more than me. Everybody.

The Result

I turned that lack of self-love into overflowing kindness, which is great but it still didn’t make me good enough. How do you feel unconditional love when you hate who you are?

Stop the Confusion

“You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” I can’t say it any better.

No, you’re not flawless, no one is. Your imperfections make you beautiful. If we all forgive each other, then we make it a less daunting task to live out our lives as genuine human beings.

You’re doing the best you can, let it be enough. Take the pressure away and release the anxiety over self-judgment. Clear your mind of self-criticism, please.

You do not have to impress anyone, including yourself.

Namaste.