Speaking My Truth
Tags: Family, Thoughts, Love, Dreams, Parents

I am someone who speaks my truth and that can at times come across as me being rude but really it’s because I do not have a filter. I think it, I generally say it although do not get me wrong my thought process does also process the fact that if I say this will I end up hurting someone so I do try to filter my words but at that moment it’s not something I think about! My friends will tell you they love my honesty and I don’t mince my words and those that dislike me will tell you I’m a bitch I’m rude so it’s all about context. When someone loves the person you are they appreciate your thoughts they want to know your mind. My husband, for example, loves my mind which is probably a good thing and why we work so well because we love the person each other is and we do not try and change each other. Now do not get me wrong when I’m being mean a bitch or rude however you want to look at it, he will tell me to my face as he knows at times I need to be reminded how I word things, but that does not mean he disagrees with what I’m saying there are just nicer ways to say things without hurting someone feelings. But to be fair my friends are the same they will tell me when they think I’m wrong. I do try and surround myself with honest people, as that is how you grow as a person. I can definitely say since meeting my husband I am more tactful in how I approach conversations especially those that are sensitive topics.

Where am I going with this whole conversation I'm sure you are asking yourself and to be honest I’m not 100 percent sure myself, I was on my way to work and I got thinking about people and how we become friends or even frenemies. You know we all have those certain people in our lives that aren’t exactly friends but somehow are in our lives and you end up being civil with them but know full well they do not have your best interests at heart. I used to think this was being fake with someone, I’m talking about when I was in my teens and I just would not really converse with these types of people but, as you get older you realise that sometimes there are people in your life that although you may not trust or like every characteristic about them but that does not mean you do not share similar thoughts or interests so that you can actually have a conversation, you might even have deep conversations with them and have a laugh, a joke and be silly but that does not mean you talk to them about anything personal or private and you certainly would not talk to them about your struggles. We all have had the friends that we know deep down they do not want you to succeed in life and they love to see you in misery and they will actively try and bring you down as they say misery loves company.

These are those friends that in time you realise their intentions are not good so you slowly keep them at a distance from your life. As I feel this is something that is important to do. For your soul and wellbeing anyone who does not want you to be happy and comes across as jealous of your achievements or does not give you the encouragement to be yourself and achieve your ambitions, when really they need to be a bit character in the story of your life. Now this I’m sure will make you laugh something my friend always thinks is hilarious is the fact that yes at times I can live in my own world I can get lost in my thoughts and lose myself and I personally love this trait that I have ( something that is very common with us Pisces) and I also believe the world revolves around me. And yes I’m sure you all will be thinking this is crazy to believe but, just hear me out for a moment because what I say has an element of truth. Now let’s take a look at this statement, the world revolves around me. And so it should, for this is my life I’m living in this crazy world it’s my thoughts my dreams my desires. And why would I not go after what I want? It is ok to be selfish when it comes to yourself, it ok to be selfish and want what you want. This does not make you a bad person this does not mean that you cannot have the biggest heart and do anything and everything for your friends. I am the star of my life, I am not a side character I am not a mention in the margin of the story of my life I am not a bullet point I am everything. This is what I mean when I say the world revolves around me, my world does revolve around me even as a mother. My life is for my babies now and everything I try and achieve is for them to make sure they are happy healthy and have the confidence and are fearless and all they require to go after everything they want. I want them to feel my love every day and to know I will always be proud of all they accomplish in life. But my world still revolves around me, I am not just a mother I am a woman a wife I have various roles as does everyone in this world, I am not the first and I definitely won’t be the last. But what you do with your life is your business just like what I do with mine is mine.

If the world did not revolve around me then what am I doing with my life. You can be selfless and still be selfish at the same time. Selfish with your heart with your mind your thought your ambitions. That does not mean you don’t put others first, this does not mean you live a life when you can go around hurting people as I do not believe in that. You should try and not hurt people in life my mother always said you should never talk badly about another person, especially another girl as one day you may have a daughter yourself and you would not want someone to talk badly about them and this is something that always stayed with me. I truly do not think I have ever heard my mum say a bad word about anyone she has never tried to bring anyone down she never did this when I was younger and even now that I’m almost 40 I still do not believe she has said a bad word about anyone she speaks the truth about a situation she shares her thoughts without gossiping about another and I love her for this and literally right this second I have realised that is probably why I am very similar and will speak about situations pretty honestly even when I am in the wrong I will own up to that fact also. As I am but human and have made mistakes and I’m sure I will make many more but I do try and learn from them so that I do not make the same mistake over and over again.

So go and live your life be selfish be center stage and do not allow yourself to be side-lined by anyone. Be brave, this is something I really hope I can instill in my children, I want them to always try and be themselves and not conform and not be afraid to go after what they want. I am also aware of personality traits and the fact that there are some traits within that are innate we are born with, and there are behaviors that we are taught by those that we look up to and let's be honest when it comes to your babies they are taught so much by us, as parents in the first early years so it is so important to give them every chance in life to feel confident and brave and not give them certain fears.

This leads me onto something else I have been thinking about today, mummy guilt. Come on let’s be honest as mothers we have these emotions where we feel guilty for not having enough patience with our kids at times when we find ourselves getting frustrated as we haven’t had a moments of peace and we cannot wait till it is there bedtimes when we get five minutes to ourselves to just have a thought. I’m here to tell you first it is not just mummy guilt, there is daddy guilt too as there are dads out there who are really good daddy to their children, who take the time to raise their children whether they are with the mother or not I have spoken to many daddy’s who have also had those days when they feel guilty. So let’s change it to parents' guilt. And secondly, it is ok to feel this way and know that it does not make you a bad parent. You still love your child more than anything and once they go to sleep and in the night you go check on them especially as mine is four years old and under. I still check them in the night to make sure they are fine, I see their little perfect angelic faces and I smile because I know in the morning they are going to wake up with the biggest smiles and give the biggest hugs because they love you just as you love them no matter what, so try not to feel too bad.

Being a parent for me is the most rewarding role I have ever taken on. Not only to our two older children who I just love and adore and seeing them grow into such independent teenagers and almost teenager is so precious. They will never know just what they have given me in my life. I truly hope as they become the amazing adults I know they will become, they will look back on the times they have shared with their daddy and me and know that we have always done our best by them and we always wanted them to feel loved and know they can be anything they want to be. But do not think there is parental guilt there, I know my husband at times over the years has felt guilty that he has not seen them every day because he misses them every day when they are not with us, he always made sure to be the daddy that turned up for anything they were doing from parents evenings to shows at school, to sports day to their swimming lessons to trying to teach them to ride a bike, one of the many reasons I fell deeply in love with him was seeing his daddy skills and how much he put them first in his life, as he should have. I have seen so many dads who have not been with the mother of their child be an important part of their child’s life by just turning up being there not letting them down and making sure to get along with the mother for the sake of the child. I feel sometimes dads get a bad reputation for moving on from the mother but remember they move on from the mother, not their child, the child they still love and adore and will do anything for. Now do not get me wrong there are fathers out there who refuse to be a part of their child’s life and they do not want to get involved with anything, and only have their child when it suits them and those are the fathers that are waste men, who do not know what it is to be a daddy and who will never know the joy of raising the beautiful child that they have created. And shame on them. To the single mummy’s out there who do it all, they raise and love their child and give them everything a mummy and a daddy is supposed to do you are superwomen in my eyes, doing it all alone day in day out no break no downtime the most utmost respect for you. And keep doing what you are doing. In fact, that goes to all the parents out there who raise their children from married couples to those living together to those mums and dads that are doing it alone, because let's keep it real there are some dads that are doing it alone big up to all of us. Here is to even those grandparents and friends who help them out and have the children everything you do is so amazing.

I do not quite understand how I started writing about being selfish, following your heart, to talking about being a parent helping your children grow, I guess because I want children to follow their hearts always and grow into amazing adults and that is all I can hope for.