Writers Block Isn’t My Issue
By: Traverse Davies
Tags: Focus, Writers Block, Writing, Mental Health, Adhd

I have never had writer’s block, not once. Sometimes I have trouble starting, but it’s not because I don’t know what to write.

Defining the Problem

Instead, I get overwhelmed with life, with my emotional state. It leaves me feeling like I can’t sit down and write because my internal emotional state is too jangled, too chaotic. As soon as I get that under control, I’m able to get my writing done as fast as I can think words.

I suspect that my ADHD influences that. Writing requires sitting down and focusing. When I’m in a bad focus state, I find that almost impossible.

I have a list of ideas a mile long to write about: essay ideas, fiction ideas, story ideas. Instead, I find myself stuck on the conversation I just had, the mix of bad blood and anger that accompanies any negative personal interaction for me. If I’m having a really, really bad day when it comes to focus, I will curl up and go to sleep.

It’s a focus issue. I’m unable to keep focus where I want it unless my life is exceptionally calm.

Working on Solutions

Tools for focus

Caffeine is my primary focus tool. I find that if I keep pumping caffeine into my body, I am more capable of focus. Right now, I’m not medicated, so coffee is my medication.

Lack of sleep is another tool I use. When I’m exhausted, I’m able to keep myself focused on the task I’m supposed to be doing. Maybe it’s slowing my brain down enough, I don’t know the mechanism, but it’s part of my insomnia. I force myself to stay awake, longer and longer. That leads to a terrible sleep schedule; I miss out on life, I miss out on daylight, I write at my best at three in the morning when I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

These are bad tools.

Some better tools

I’m going to get medicated. It is going to be a little while before it can happen. My doctor was unable to diagnose me with ADHD, that had to go through a psychologist — but a psychologist can’t write a prescription, so my doctor has to do that. I’m waiting for an appointment with her. It will be a month before she has an opening (this isn’t acute care, so it’s sometimes slow — especially with my doctor, she’s very popular).

Music is another tool I use that isn’t a bad tool. It’s not necessarily a good tool, but at least it’s not actively harmful. I find that the right music can help bypass the busy parts of my brain, quiet the internal noise.

Writing Through Mental Illness

For a long time, I didn’t define myself as having a mental illness. I mean, I only got my official diagnosis last week, and I only started to look into the possibility in the previous year. The thing is, I always had it. It’s apparent that ADHD has been a thing that is holding me back since grade school. If I’d had a diagnosis back then my life would have been completely and totally different.

Now I’m trying to build a career, make a living in a field that requires a considerable amount of internal discipline. The one thing that my particular brand of mental illness most affects. Yeah, maybe not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but what the hell, what’s life without challenges.

Writing, creating stories, is something I’ve been good at since childhood. Prose, sometimes that needs work. Essays? Definitely an area I’ve not always been brilliant at. Stories though? I’m good at stories.

Finishing

Once upon a time, I was unable to finish things — my brain would not allow me to focus for long enough. I would know the end of the story, but I would stop before I ever got there. I finished a short story called Nine — it was the first piece of writing I ever took from start to finish. It was a pretty short story. After that, I was able to finish short stories, no problem.

See, I knew I could do it, that my brain was capable of seeing something short like that through to the end.

Then came A Long Walk. It was a NaNoWriMo project. I wrote it over the course of one November while working full time. I edited my first draft by myself and managed to finish even that. Apparently, I was capable of completing a novel. The next step was to get someone else to edit it as well, and that didn’t take that much of me.

My first novel was good. I keep reading other writers on Medium talk about how embarrassing their first novel was. I recently re-read mine. It’s actually decent. Could be better, sure, but I enjoy reading it as a reader. I do spot my errors and mistakes — things I wish I’d done differently, but there aren’t enough of them to make me dislike the book.

So, one novel in the can, I wrote a sequel. Small confession: I like the first one better. The second is longer and has a more complete narrative arc. Less little side trips into whimsy, but I like whimsy.

I have continued to finish novels.

Editing

Editing is a considerable challenge for me. It requires a lot of focus which I find hard to manage. Line edits are not hard. Checking spelling, grammar, etc. It’s the developmental edit stage I have a hard time with. It worked so easily with my first book — I almost fell into it. For the sequel, it was harder, but I had an advantage I haven’t had since. I had a high-volume printer. It’s easier for me to edit using paper and highlighters. The thing is, I’m writing short books — but they are novels. A few hundred pages, not ten or fifteen. Inkjet printers aren’t cost effective.

I bought a black and white laser printer. I bought a used one from a computer store that I like. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to spend the money on a new one, but because I was having trouble even finding one. Everything was more than I wanted. I wanted a simple printer so I could edit. All the bells and whistles got in the way.

That printer is a piece of garbage. I keep imagining myself beating it with baseball bats, recreating the printer scene from Office Space.

So, that’s what ADHD does to me. I have the wrong tool and all of a sudden, my editing grinds to a halt. I recently read a post on Medium that I think will help me to get much more mileage out of my editing process, and I’m also working my way through an editing course on Udemy. I don’t know, hope springs eternal. I’m just starting to try these tactics on the first book in my new series.

Writing for Medium/Blogs/Personal

One cool thing is that my ADHD isn’t that challenged by writing on Medium or writing for my blog. That’s an easy process. There is only one real challenge associated with that. I want to publish instantly. I think that’s an ADHD thing too. I fear that if I don’t hit publish, I’ll get too distracted and never release the piece. I’m trying an interesting tactic for that. When I finish the piece I’m scheduling it to publish later (although last Friday I did that with an e-mail I was sending out and hit send instead of schedule… oops). That forces me to do my edits fast — the thing will publish if I do nothing, but I still have time to do some edits.

Where That Leaves Me

I’m not Shannon Ashley or Shaunta Grimes. I can’t say that I’ve got it figured out and it’s all working for me. This is just stuff I’m trying. Maybe the meds will help, maybe they won’t. For now, though, I’m working with what I have. I’ve had some success, I get a lot more views and reads on Medium, people download my book. Every once in a while someone subscribes to my e-mail list (I have three active lists on MailChimp for entirely different topics). It seems like I’m slowly gaining an audience. My writing is getting better, as well. At least I think it is.

With some luck and some perseverance, I believe I can make this work despite my ADHD.

Maybe you don’t have writer's block either. Maybe it’s ADHD, maybe it’s overwhelm, maybe it’s life getting in the way.