On the path to inner peace: Stoicism and social anxiety
By: David Storrar
Tags: Stoicism, Anxiety, Stoic, Social Anxiety

Social anxiety has plagued my life, from a young age I was always the quiet and shy one, avoiding any situation where I might be the centre of attention and fearing the negative judgements of others. This plague, although an inner turmoil, has not stopped me having a few very close friends, a loving wife and children, and a well paid job managing other people, but I guess you could say each day is like going into battle.

Looking through my Kindle list you will see a vast range of ‘self help’ books looking for that golden answer or revelationary moment to cure all the worries and fears. Nothing stuck, but three years ago I came across Stoicism, a philosophy of life that seemed to have more substance than someone trying to make a quick buck. My first introduction into this new world was William Irvine’s ‘A Guide to the Good Life’ and Donald J. Robertson ‘ Stoicism and The Art of Happiness’, this gave me an understanding of who the Stoics were, their underlying principles, and how this might be a useful way of living and attempting to overcome the daily drain of social anxiety.

Stoicism as a philosophy of life has influences in modern day psychological practices such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). I have tried CBT but it didn’t seem to quite fit for me, I wasn’t bought into the techniques and this lack of motivation meant it was going nowhere. However the Stoics seemed to provide a more encompassing way of living, based on applying values such as wisdom, justice, courage, and self control. This valued based approach has the potential to transform your view of yourself, others, and the world in general.

I won’t spend time going into the history and background of Stoicism (there are others who would do it far more justice), however I thought I would share some initial learnings and how I am starting to try and apply this to my social anxiety.

The main causes of social anxiety; you are either desiring approval and acceptance from others, or avoiding negative judgements and criticism from others.

If you fail in either of these areas it is seen as catastrophic. This impending doom is brought about by your inner discourse, which reflects how you judge the situation and the things you tell yourself. For a socially anxious person, most of this inner discourse is a vitriol of irrational thoughts that no longer represent the reality of the situation. Representations is something the Stoics greatly focused on, in particular Epictetus with the famous maxim “it is not things that upset us, but our judgements about those things”.

If only it was that easy to take these wise words and instantly cure social anxiety, it will take more effort but this is a foundation to build on. The problem with social anxiety is our judgements, we are automatically assenting to all the subjective judgements which have deformed reality. These judgements must be challenged, and the aim is to make them more objective so that they grasp the true nature of reality.

Objective representations

How do you make judgements more objective? You strip them of all the value judgements that you have applied. The reality is that ‘things' do not care about us, they are external to us and do not trouble us, it is we as human beings who bring trouble and worry into the world based on our judgements about the things. The main aim then is to delimit and circumscribe yourself by purifying your judgements so that anything external (i.e. other people’s opinions) has no detrimental effect on your wellbeing. It is only at this point when you have formed an objective representation of the situation that it should be accepted.

How do you delimit yourself so you live your life based on your own rational judgements and values?…

Others — don’t waste the remaining part of your life concerning what others think, it has no moral value

Past and future - these must be cutaway, the former no longer concerns me, and the future does not concern me yet

Course of destiny — events happen as they do, just sit back and watch them pass by, another will come along and it too will be swept away

So when a representation presents itself to you that may cause you social anxiety (such as everyone is watching and judging me), test it against these points to try and transform your viewpoints, and attempt to remove the value judgements you’ve added to the reality of the situation.

What does this mean in practice?

In most situations I have an inner discourse that people are watching and judging me. For example when doing the food shop I feel there is a spotlight on me where everyone is watching my every move, worried someone might say something and I won’t know how to react, worried that they can tell I’m a weak and not very confident person.

If I took only an objective view of this situation, it is: “I am walking around doing my food shop, there are other people in the shop".

That is all, that is reality and the discourse should stop there and be accepted.

“But people might be watching me and have a negative opinion about me"….I’m afraid that’s something extra that you’ve brought to the situation that no longer corresponds to reality, you are just causing yourself inner turmoil.

Objective representation is not something that can be undertaken once and you are suddenly cured from all anxieties, it’s a constant battle to drag yourself out of your normal mindset and really start applying this principle. I’m not there yet, but I’m hoping with time and practice it can lead to a more tranquil life, free from social anxiety.