LIVE FOR YOU; LEAVE PEOPLE’S OPINION OF YOU
By: Vera Nene Njote
Tags: Self Esteem, Self Improvement, Personal Growth, Christian Living, Self Love

LIVE FOR YOU; LEAVE PEOPLE’S OPINION OF YOU

Do you remember how you chose a particular outfit to wear, checked it out, got dressed only to stare at yourself in the mirror, shake your head and wear something else entirely? Not because you didn’t like it but you thought “what would people say?” … Or how you wanted to air your opinion, post a picture on your social media feed but didn’t because the question “what will people think of me” exists. Let’s say you are the modern day baddie and don’t really care about what people have to say, or you’re the “you can shove it up your (common let’s leave the three letter word alone for a bit *wink*) person”… you still can’t deny that sometimes the thoughts of people’s expectations of how you should behave doesn’t cross your mind, how people whisper and talk behind you about how and who you are, how they judge you without even knowing you (I bet you’re nodding your head in agreement and silently or openly saying “like they’re any better”)

Don’t worry we are getting to all that but first, allow me take you down the road of how all of that makes you feel. I mean people basically pouring out their versions of how you should act, dress, talk and sometimes even breathe (Okay yes I exaggerated there, but funny yeah?) I for one have some sort of experience with this and I know first-hand that it takes away from you no matter how strong and self-willed you are; it’s like having a voice and never speaking, having a book and never reading, like you haven’t lived. Keeping yourself secret to the public especially if you take in all the variations of everyone else’s account of who you should be and blend in with all of them or most and only allowing the real you surface when you are in the comforts of your house. For a really long time it felt like I wasn’t exactly being me, I wanted to freely express myself without fear of deviating from the “brand” that people eked out for me; not being able to do that felt like being in a cage, the only space I had was the one available in that cage (super painful). Kudos if like I said earlier you are the modern day baddie but then it still doesn’t exactly dissipate the fact that people take a glance at you and just judge you for really no reason at all. They judge because you wore a new outfit, or because you spoke with an accent, react in a way that’s unusual to them or you made your face up a certain way. It is really very daunting, so the question is; in the face of this, how can you deal?

Truth is you cannot EVER deal with it by taking in all of people’s opinions and expectations or if you like definitions of you. In fact you are to a large extent limiting yourself and by every possible means necessary, making yourself a channel through which a bunch of people can live their own lives or desires. It’s like saying “Hey there, I am an empty or half-filled glass, why not come pour in all of your stuffs into me and make me full, I don’t mind” (Yeah. How did that sound to you? Disturbing right? Exactly! ) I am not going to bamboozle you with all of that inspiring and motivational talks of how you can boost your self-esteem (quite frankly I think we all have had enough of that plus it is so cliché. It makes you think “show me the button to press to activate all that self-esteem jazz, honey”) so I am just going to go straight to what it is (I really felt tempted to say “it is what it is”…. Hahaha, I said it though, just letting you know) people can never and will never stop airing their opinions and thoughts about any and everything, just like you do, you also have opinions right? Yeah so that’s settled. Since it has been established that humans are generally thinking and expressive beings, the next line of realization is that regardless of this fact, you still do not, no matter how gullible and vulnerable you are, do everything you’re told to do. Think about it; if I told you right now to pick up your phone and give it to the next person you come across, would you? (uhm, if you actually would…kindly give me a million bucks too, lol. I had to try my luck, you never know)

That’s exactly my point, naturally you or we all do not act on everything that we are told to do, and the ones that we do carry out are those that are beneficial, advisory or positively correctional. The essence of this is to usher you into a new dimension of thought pattern where you are able to filter people’s opinions and classify them accordingly. Notice that when I started, I made you go through how people’s expectations and opinions of you made you feel (I bet you didn’t feel all that giddy) Now here’s the deal and I mean the real deal (you might not like it but…) The thing is not all of that is exactly bad, people are meant to converse and that can be beneficial to you. We are all supposed to grow and move from one point to another and we can’t do that without a little bit of checks and balances on certain areas of our lives. You know how they say that life is a mirror (if you haven’t heard of it… you’re welcome) you can only see your reflection in the mirror when you look at it, so if you’re not looking at it, it’s safe to say you won’t know what you look like; whether or not you need to adjust that belt, button and the likes, in the same vein if you look you’d be able to tell if you are good to go. Relating it back to what we have here, the pill you have to swallow is that you need to first of all categorize these opinions of you and know where and how to touch up, adjust, get better and ultimately grow.

That said, NOT every one of those opinions and expectations should be taken hook, line and sinker. If you absorb all without filtering and just soak it all up, you will eventually lose yourself, your identity and peace. So you have categorized their thoughts and opinions, taken the good ones; now it’s time to meditate (yes, you heard right and no I do not mean with candles and scents but if that’s your style then honey pour yourself a glass of wine too … meditate in full style brothers and sisters. Amen? Amen!)

For real now, you would have to sit with yourself and do some self-evaluation, ask your self questions like “are a lot of people saying this about me?”, “how do people react to this part of me?” I am not going to be there to give you the answers but I am as sure as it is that Christ loves us that you will get the answers to those questions if you are totally honest with yourself (It’s just you anyways so no reason to lie)

This part is an added bonus and I like, scratch that, I love to do this anytime… every time. I believe in God and his love for me, so I talk to him. I let him know how I feel about everything (like he doesn’t know already…hahaha) and then I rant to him; yup, I just go on talking and talking and other times I write to him (what? You had no idea you could write to God?) You know that he sees you right? So you better believe that he is reading that letter ‘cause he is. After that I feel a certain calmness and peace cause I know he heard (I hear some of you saying “it’s not that deep”, ever heard a laughter in Spanish? Well that’s what I’m doing. You need to realize that God needs to exist in every area of your life. The most intricate and even mundane parts should be open for him to guide you)

Whew, we’re getting there; the next is to bin any other irrelevant and remaining dirt. Look you have filtered and classified, meditated and spoken to God… you have tried and in no way are you going to carry a load that shouldn’t exist in the first place. I love you too much to let you do that. Now is the moment that you get to lift your head high, shoulders arched back and fit and walk gracefully; not because you don’t care or you’re trying to act all proud but because you have done the work, you have examined yourself thoroughly, sought guidance and are in the clear.

Finally you should know that every other person’s opinion of you is subject to God’s own and internally yours, because how you feel about yourself matters. Regardless of what people think of you, I have learnt very recently that love should flow from you to everyone. Be the real you, not just inside but outside. Now remember the title of this post? Live for you; Leave people’s opinion of you outside or in? The answer isn’t always on one side of the coin, sometimes it’s on both. You can take in some and use it as a measure for self-evaluation and growth and then the rest, let me be nice here… put them in a can and throw it deep into the ocean. Let me know what your thoughts are, will you? Great!