The Bible’s (Many) Definition(s) of Marriage
By: Don Lucas
Tags: Bible, LGBTQ, Marriage, Christianity, Sexuality

The Bible defines marriage as a man and a woman becoming one to propagate.

Genesis 2:24 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

This single, narrow definition of marriage is often assumed as being the only definition of marriage within the Bible. And this definition of marriage is probably the one people are thinking about when they say, “I believe in the Bible’s definition of marriage.”

But this is not the Bible’s only definition of marriage. In fact, the Bible has many definitions of marriage, which when combined with one another, are quite broad in perspective and scope.

The Bible’s definitions of marriage are so broad in scope that some of them contradict one another. For example, the Bible tells the widower: she can marry anyone she likes; she should not get remarried; and SHE MUST MARRY HER BROTHER-IN-LAW.

1 Corinthians 7:39–40: 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is — and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Deuteronomy 25:5–10: 5 If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. HER HUSBAND’S BROTHER SHALL TAKE HER AND MARRY HER AND FULFILL THE DUTY OF A BROTHER-IN-LAW TO HER.

The Bible’s definitions of marriage may be classified in three categories: The “Don’ts,” the “Cans,” and the “Have Tos.”

“Don’t” Get Married Bible Definitions

The Bible states “don’t get married” because you are better off living like a eunuch; because being single is better than being married; because marriage is immoral; because you should have the will power to stay away from marriage; and because marriage requires sex with a woman — which in itself is immoral. The Bible also states certain people should never get married: non-believers, widowers, and foreigners:

Matthew 19:10–12: 10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others — and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

1 Corinthians 7:38: 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

1 Corinthians 7:35: 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:8: 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

1 Corinthians 7:1: 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

1 Corinthians 7:12–13: 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her; she must not divorce him.

Ezra 10:2–3: 2 Then Shekaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, said to Ezra, “We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us. But in spite of this, there is still hope for Israel. 3 Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law.

“Can” Get Married Bible Definitions

The Bible states you “can get married,” but marriage is conditional upon a man having one wife; the man and wife being believers; the wife being subordinate to the man; the man having many wives — as long as they are equally treated; and the man having many wives and sex slaves. The Bible also states specific people can get married: Priests can marry — only if his potential wife is a virgin, not a foreigner, not a divorcee, not a widow, and not a prostitute; Slaves can marry — only as determined by the slaves’ owners and the slaves’ owners own any children resulting from the slaves’ marriage; and Soldiers can marry virgin prisoners of war.

Titus 1:6–8: 6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless — not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.

1 Corinthians 7:12–13: 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her; she must not divorce him.

Genesis 3:16: 16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Exodus 21:10: 10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.

1 Kings 11:3: 3 He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.

Genesis 16:1–4: 1 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

Leviticus 21:13–14: 13 “‘The woman he marries must be a virgin. 14 He must not marry a widow, a divorced woman, or a woman defiled by prostitution, but only a virgin from his own people.

Exodus 21:4: 4 If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.

Numbers 31:17–18: 17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, 18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

“Have To” Get Married Bible Definitions

In certain situations, the Bible states you “have to get married,” including: a single man having to marry his brother’s widow; a married man having to marry his brother’s widow; a man and a woman having to stay married — especially if one of them is a non-believer; and a rapist having to marry his victim. Additionally, the Bible states if a wife touches another man’s genitals, then the husband has to cut off her hand.

Genesis 38:8–10: 8 Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” 9 But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also.

Mark 12:19: 19 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.

1 Corinthians 7:12–14: 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her; she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Deuteronomy 22:28–29: 28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

Deuteronomy 25:11–12: 11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

This is far from an exhaustive list of the dozens of definitions the Bible has of marriage, and you may have recognized I left off of this list, probably the most popular Bible citation people give about defining marriage relative to a man and a woman — and that comes from Leviticus 18:22, in which it condemns death upon 22 Having sex with a man as one does with a woman.

Why did I not include this Leviticus citation? For matters of context, if you include this Leviticus definition of marriage on the list of the Bible’s definitions of marriage, then you are also going to have to include the other 75 judgments Leviticus makes too — several of which come with condemnations of death. For example, Leviticus condemns death upon Letting your hair become unkempt (10:6), Tearing your clothes (10:6), Drinking alcohol in holy places (10:9), and Cursing your father or mother (20:9).

My purpose for writing this piece is not to debate the contents of the Bible — or the infinite number of interpretations about it. Instead, my purpose is simply to state what is in the Bible. And what is in the Bible makes one point perfectly clear: Marriage demands comprehensive and thoughtful definitions, not narrow-minded ones.

For a video of this article, check out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kHLAn2NNbY

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Don Lucas is a Professor of Psychology and head of the Psychology Department at Northwest Vista College in San Antonio Texas. He loves psychology, teaching, and research.

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