The 19 things I have learnt since becoming a mother…
By: The Hidden Nook
Tags: Parenting, Baby, Mothers And Daughters, Motherhood, Pregnancy

Having a baby has been the most incredible, anxiety inducing and wondrous experience of my life. Nothing really prepares you for it, no matter how many baby books you read or podcasts you listen to, it will be a total shock to the system, turning your world upside down (in the most amazing way). But as much as it is incredible it is also really, really hard work. What you maybe don’t always see on Instagram is the ‘behind the scenes’, the pooping (or lack of inducing more anxiety.. WHY WON’T THEY POOP!?), the endless nights, the worry (ah the endless worry), the leaky boobs, the screaming, the reflux… You finally learn the true meaning of why sleep deprivation is a form of torture.. You also feel an overwhelming responsibility and love to protect and nurture this tiny creature that goes above all else. And it all happens literally overnight.

Below are a few tid bits that I have learnt along the way in the last 10 weeks…

1. When you do actually get to ‘sleep’ it is not really sleep it is complete unconscious exhaustion (which is normally short lived). No longer does there exist a transition time between sleeping and waking where you naturally and gradually come into the conscious world, that time where you get to lie there pondering all of life’s questions (or think about what you’re going to have for breakfast). No. Now your unconscious state is harshly put to an end by a wale or a hungry screech.. you are thrown into action as you usually only have 30 seconds before there is a full on cataclysmic meltdown and the whole neighbourhood is awake.

2. Time exists now in 2–3 hour chunks. In those 2–3 hours where you are not pinned to the sofa feeding or a pumping machine you must race around getting everything done. Washing, sterilising, cooking, cleaning, send a text, maybe send an email, buy yet another essential item off Amazon, walk the dog. Never has one moved so fast and learnt to become so efficient with time. This whole ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is a myth.

3. It takes 7 hours to leave the house.

4. You never know how long the baby will nap for. Time to one’s self is such a scarce commodity now that when given some time whilst baby sleeps you’re not entirely sure what to do with it. Shall I sleep? Shall I eat? Should I clean the house? Shall I catch up on Bake Off? Shall I do yoga? Shall I shower? Shall I start that book I’ve been meaning to for months? Shall I call a friend? Shall I just sit and stare into space in a sleep deprived blur? Meanwhile wasting precious time as baby naps.. then just as you make your decision and start to engage in chosen activity you hear the squeaks… turning into squaks.. turning into full blown I’m hungry and annoyed and GET ME UP NOW and chosen activity is quickly abandoned. This blog post took me 55 naps to write.

5. It’s no longer Netflix and Chill, it’s Netflix and Breastfeed. I’ve now finished Netflix. Twice.

6. When babies are hungry, they’re hungry FAST. ‘There’s no time!!” my husband wails as baby starts revving her engines, the face getting redder and redder, I scramble for the nipple shield and the muslins in a blind panic, whipping my top off and having a fight with the maternity bra clips. Meanwhile the room has started vibrating with babies full blown meltdown. And then in a second it’s over, baby happily feeding away leaving my husband and I slightly shell shocked.

7. All meals are now eaten with one hand, in fact most things are done with one hand, and are usually shovelled into the mouth in a panicked I need to eat to survive fashion rather than mmm this meal is delicious let me really enjoy it. There are babies everywhere covered in their mother’s half eaten lunch.

8. Never have you done so much washing in your life of tiny tiny outfits. Our record is about 5 changes before lunchtime.

9. Never plan a time to meet anyone because you will be at least an hour late (on a good day). And just as you think you’ve got your shit together (literally) there will be a code brown. A poonami of epic proportions (our low point was definitely having to cut little one out of her baby grow…). You quickly don your hazmat suits. How is this possible? But seriously How?! You are so small?! And sometimes you go in there too soon.. oh god it’s still coming.. we opened up too early.. quick contain, contain, contain!! (As they look up at you with a face of contentment and satisfaction and you scramble to contain the disaster zone). But seriously how does something so small produce so much waste…when the nappy bin is full you need a crane to lift it out — a job I like to reserve for my husband. It’s like Mary Poppins bag in there it just keeps coming and coming and coming.. endless tiny bags of nappies.

10. Feeding is hard. Really really hard. Are they getting enough milk? Are they getting too much milk? Are they hungry? When should they feed? Do we wake them to feed? Do we not wake them to feed? Maybe it’s gas? Maybe it’s reflux? Maybe it’s a milk allergy? Should I cut out dairy? Should I cut out gluten? Why won’t they latch? Please burp!? OMG why do my boobs hurt so much? This is what goes round and round in ones head most days…

11. Fitting and taking things out of the under carriage of a buggy is one of life’s biggest challenges, causing one to sweat and swear profusely as you play tug of war with your bag strap. It’s like a black hole under there.. once things go in it’s anyone’s guess as to when we might be able to find them again…

12. Babies always wake up just as you are about to eat, shower, go to the loo or drink a cup of tea. Fact.

13. Whoever came up with the phrase ‘don’t cry over spilt milk’ has never spent an hour hooked up to a breast pump at 5 am only to bend over babies cot to comfort baby, spill pumped milk all over baby, waking baby and losing milk. Oh there were tears.

14. My treat is now a 5 minute shower and having clean hair.

15. You sometimes cry for no reason at all.. maybe because you’re happy and maybe because it’s just a lot..being a parent is a lot.

16. Night sweats.

17. I now have the memory span of a goldfish.

18. If you don’t eat fast, you don’t eat.

19. When they smile at you it is the most incredible feeling in the world, all your worries melt away and everything is right with the world and life is how it should be.