How I Survived the Death of My Best Friend
By: B. T. Swezey
Tags: Loss, Mental Health, Love, Grief, Self Improvement

What helped, what didn’t, and what would have.

Photo by Keegan Houser on Unsplash

How It Happened:

On August 1, 2010, I watched my best friend die. We were 17 years old, had just graduated from high school, and were soon to be heading off to different colleges. We had our whole lives ahead of us — or so we thought.

Cody fell while we were being pulled by a Jeep on our skateboards. He hit his head on the asphalt and was knocked unconscious. I let go of the Jeep and skated back to him. His nose was bleeding heavily and he wasn’t breathing. I called an ambulance but it was too late, Cody was already dead.

I left for college a few weeks later. And although I didn’t know it at the time, I was just beginning the biggest struggle of my young life.

What Helped:

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1. Friends

All I wanted to do after Cody died was to isolate myself. Some of that alone time was healthy but it was the time spent with friends and family that helped me heal the most.

Tip: Never underestimate the value of friendship.

2. An Artistic Outlet

Everyone has an outlet that they can use to express how they are feeling. For me, it was writing songs and playing my guitar. I was able to scream and yell and strum as loud as I needed. With my guitar, I wasn’t just a crazy person screaming at nothing in an empty room, I was an artist.

Tip: Allow yourself to be as free and unfiltered as you can. You’ll be happy you did.

3. Tears

Before Cody died, I could count the number of times that I had cried on one hand: once at my grandma’s funeral, once when I took a nasty knee to the groin in my 6th grade basketball game, and once when I found out that it was actually my dad who was putting money under my pillow. Now, I couldn’t even attempt to count the amount of times that I’ve had a good cry. Shit, I could use one right now.

Tip: Don’t even bother trying to hold back the tears. Let ’em flow and soak up that sweet sweet relief.

What Didn’t Help:

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1. Feeling Sorry For Myself

I spent the better part of two years moping around like I was the only person alive who had ever experienced loss. Instead of trying to achieve what I wanted out of life, I made excuses as to why it was okay for me to fail. I finished my second semester of freshman year with a 0.7 GPA. I dropped out of school. I told myself that it was okay because of what I had been through. What a load of shit. Slowly, I crawled out of my self-pity pit and enrolled in some community college classes. Eventually I enrolled back into the University and graduated with an overall GPA of 3.2. Not too shabby.

Tip: Tragedy is an unfortunate gift. Once you overcome grief, you become strong. And you can use that strength to achieve whatever it is you want in this life.

2. Alcohol

Not surprisingly, I started drinking a lot my freshman year of college. Drunk-me was brave. Drunk-me was strong. Drunk-me was cool. And that was the truth… as long as you were asking drunk-me. If you were asking sober-me, drunk-me was a loser. Drunk-me got me arrested a few times. Drunk-me ruined many of my relationships. Drunk-me used anger and violence to try and solve my problems. Drunk-me left sober-me with far too many messes to clean up in the morning.

Tip: It’s not as cool as you think to be the most fucked-up person at the party.

What I wish I would have done:

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Found Professional Help:

I can’t be sure, but I think that if I would have gone to see a therapist early on, I would have saved myself years of struggle. I’ve learned a lot in the last nine years, but it’s no substitute for professional help. If nothing else, it probably could have saved me hundreds of dollars in court fees.

Tip: It doesn’t make you stronger to go through something alone. In fact, it only makes you weaker.