Solving The Mystery Of Identity
By: The Wishful Thinker
Tags: Self Improvement, Personality, Enneagram, Self Development, Psychology

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We all have an itch somewhere inside of us that we can’t quite scratch. There is an internal lack that we feel — as if something “essential” is missing. What could it possibly be?

The Enneagram posits a theory of personality to answer this question. Separated into nine distinct personality types, and broken into three triads that each hold three types, the Enneagram presents a maze of our history. For those who dare venture to the internal workings of its meta-psychological and spiritual implications, there may just be treasure awaiting them.

How Do We Each Get Our Types?

Unfortunately, we can’t choose what type we want to be. Un-unfortunately, however, every type has its own set of problems, so it doesn’t really matter what type we are. We all have a path to walk and the grass is not greener across the circle for another type.

Where do we “get” our type from? As opposed to more fundamental theories of personality — such as Jung’s model (Meyers Briggs) — that point to inborn bio-psychological traits that existed from the beginning (nature), the Enneagram is a theory that looks not to our biology or genes, but to our history (nurture).

However, it is unlikely that there is no correlation between our inborn traits and those we learn — a highly introverted person will probably not be an 8 on the Enneagram — but nature alone will not determine our Enneagram type.

How do our own personal histories determine our type? The story goes something like this:

Long ago when we were children, a wound developed within us. We are not sure when the wound occurred but, unmistakably, somewhere in our development, a hole formed. All we know is that we don’t feel whole. As a result, we all compensate daily and hourly to try and make this hole feel less empty. If we feel bad, we will try and be extra good; if we feel useless, we will try and be extra useful.

This hole dominates the development of our Enneagram personality type and reveals our deepest need. If the hole fails to be recognized, we are all doomed to a life of shoveling sand into a gulf of quicksand that will eat it up and pass right through.

The hole within us only grows and becomes wider if we continue to be unconsciously run by it. Until we understand where the hole is, and why it is, we will not ever be able to fill it. Wherever our deepest wound is, there too is our Enneagram type.

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The Essence Of It All

Before we can dig into the types and triads, there are three vital points that need our attention.

The Enneagram is not a theory of everything. In fact, it is a theory with relatively soft edges. We may resonate with more than one type on the Enneagram — we may actually resonate with all of the types. This can be confusing, and even discouraging, but there is an explanation.

1. We are all of the types.

The point is well made in Don Richard Riso’s The Wisdom Of The Enneagram:

“You have all nine types in you . . . To explore them all and see them all operating in you is to see the full spectrum of human nature” (p. 16).

The Enneagram is not just a theory of development and trauma that diagnoses our deepest wounds; it is a path to integration. If it is true that all nine of the type are within each of us, it may be the case that eight of them are actively helping us, and one of them — our type — needs the most healing. Still, it is likely that two or three of the types will really resonate with us.

But, as the theory goes, we all have access to some of the energy of each type. The triads, which we will get into shortly, can shed some light on this.

2. Essence is the path to integration.

If you have read any book on the Enneagram, the word “essence” or “essential nature” was probably used. Though it’s a catchy word, it's also confusing. The theory goes that there is a more substantial, fundamental identity beyond our personality type. This identity is what we are always after, and trying to capture. But it eludes us. As Riso puts it:

“We are not our personality,” but we do “have a personality” (p.29).

Most texts on the Enneagram will use the word “identification” to explain the relationship between our personality type and what prevents us from finding our essence. Identification is when we agree that who we are is what our wound is. To “un-identify” is not only to recognize our wounds and tendencies but to go a step further. In order to find our essence, we must allow it to emerge on its own. Riso again writes:

“When we stop identifying with our personality and stop defending it, a miracle happens: our essential nature spontaneously arises and transforms us” (29).

What is this essential nature? There is no model to map it out for us. In some ways, it remains a mystery, one which each of us has to discover for ourselves But, if what Carl Jung wrote is true — “Only the wounded physician heals” — then maybe our essence lies just beneath the hole left in us in our childhood. Maybe our wounds steer us home.

3. Consciousness is key.

If we ever wish to “un-identify” with the messages that run our life, we have to become aware of them. This doesn’t mean that we have to practice meditation for hours on end, but it does mean that we have to become meditative in our daily lives.

Part of the path to awareness, perhaps the biggest part, is becoming familiar with yourself. Know thyself as the old adage goes. But why? Perhaps Maslow can show us why.

“What a man can be he must be.”

To know who we are allows us to become who we are meant to be.

What Are These “Holes” You Speak Of?

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Have you ever wondered why people do the things they do? Why does Michele choose business as her major? Why does James seem so mean and aggressive all of the time? Why does Olivia seem so giving at her job as a social worker, but does not seem to value herself much at all?

There are endless reasons why someone may or may not choose something, but one inescapable reason that energizes all of our decisions is where our deepest wound is.

You may be thinking that since there are nine types to the Enneagram, that there are nine distinct wounds and holes. This is exactly right. But it goes a layer deeper. The deeper layer simplifies and unifies the nature of the wounds. This deeper layer is the triads.

The reason that the Enneagram is broken up into triads is that there are holes that are more fundamental than those within each of the nine. The triad that your type belongs to is where your deepest hole will be.

Instinctive Triad (or Gut) is the triad whose deepest wound surrounds its relationship with rage, anger, and resistance. The driving force of the gut triad is, as Riso puts it, to maintain a “resistance to reality”. Survival, control, and rage are a few of the most felt qualities of this triad.

is the triad whose deepest wound surrounds its relationship with rage, anger, and resistance. The driving force of the gut triad is, as Riso puts it, to maintain a “resistance to reality”. Survival, control, and rage are a few of the most felt qualities of this triad. Feeling Triad (or Heart) is the triad that is dominated by shame, and feelings of worthlessness. The driving motivation of this triad is to reclaim some sense of self-worth through ultra-shame compensation.

is the triad that is dominated by shame, and feelings of worthlessness. The driving motivation of this triad is to reclaim some sense of self-worth through ultra-shame compensation. Thinking Triad (or Head) is driven by fear. The driving force is to gain security. Those in the Head triad seek security through the mastery of the mind.

Someone in the head triad can definitely feel shame, just as someone in the gut triad can definitely feel fear. Again, what the triads are pointing to are the deepest wounds. Some of us have significant wounds in two or all three of the triads, but one triad will dominate our attention.

Another important aspect of the triads is that the wound of each triad, the anger, guilt, and fear, can be directed outward or inward. There is a pattern for the direction that the energy is moved.

In the Gut triad, the 8 moves outward with their anger, the 1 moves inward, and the 9 is somewhere in the middle.

In the heart triad the 2 moves outward, the 4 moves inward, and 3 is somewhere in between.

In the head triad, the 7 moves outward, the 5 moves inward, and the 6 is somewhere in between.

The central triangle of the Enneagram, the 9, 3, and 6 are all somewhere in between where they direct the energy of their wounds toward. The types to the left and right of the triangle are more polarized with where they direct their energy.

This direction of expression of the wound is vital because it will dictate how we will deal with the hole. A 2 primarily seeks validation from others, but a 4 magnifies their own characteristics and very much lives in his or her internal world.

Lastly in introducing the types, there is one figure that I will share. This figure is the most important bit of information I have ever seen regarding the enneagram. It is taken once again from Riso’s book, The Wisdom Of The Enneagram.

On page 34 there is a figure entitled Lost Childhood Messages. These are the messages that were lost at some point in our childhood when the wound had already formed.

Type One: “You are good”

Type two: “You are wanted”

Type three: “You are loved for yourself”

Type four: “You are seen for who you are”

Type five: “Your needs are not a problem”

Type six: “You are safe”

Type seven: “You will be taken care of”

Type eight: “You will not be betrayed”

Type nine: “Your presence matters”

Why Should You Study The Enneagram?

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The Enneagram is a map that guides us to our histories. It is an Oracle that navigates our past. As the Enneagram reveals the hole of our wounds, we realize the nature of holes is to be filled — as the nature of wounds is to be healed.

For each of the triads, the motivating force — anger, shame, and fear — lays out a complementary path for what we need — serenity, to be worthy, and to have faith.

The Enneagram is a piece of the puzzle that answers the all-important question: Who am I? In doing so, it reveals a large piece of our relationship with the past, where our wounds began. As it reveals the past, it simultaneously reveals a path to the future.

Consciousness is stressed in the Enneagram because consciousness reveals the repeating cycles that dominate our lives. While unaware of our wounds, our lives are spent on autopilot, where we are driven by something we do not understand, toward something we do not see.

In other words, if we do not become aware — if we do not investigate our pasts and our psychological states, and have a shared curiosity about the nature of our own being — then the mechanisms that have formed us, primarily in our youth, as well as the behaviors, habits, perspectives, and principles that have stuck with us, will all drive us instead.

To put it still another way, we have all been programmed with an audiotape. To become conscious is to become the fish who asks what water is. To become an observer — observation being the most distinctive trait that separates conscious beings from unconscious beings — is to tap into the audiotape which allows us to eventually remove it.

What happens when we remove it? This is difficult to answer because it falls into the category of “mystery”, of the place beyond mere personality. But, we can attempt to answer.

The nature of unconsciousness, like that of the audiotape, is that it controls us through force, through constriction. When we become aware of the tape, we can feel and listen to the internal workings that make us align with a certain pattern of behavior. Consciousness is the opposite force. It is an opening up. It is a welcoming and a curiosity about what is.

To put it into concrete terms is dangerous because we can become attached to the image and miss the point. But we can try anyway.

Consciousness, through opening its hands, is able to retain the sand that it picks up. The audiotape, unconsciousness, is a clenched fist that, through an increasingly restrictive grip, causes more and more of the drops of sand to fall out.

What is this sand? You are free to answer that question how you wish. But, for the Enneagram, the answer is essence. If we can open our hands, and let light into our minds, our pasts, our souls, and our moment to moment existences, then we can each find our real selves, something beyond the wound that fragmented us in the beginning.

It is entirely possible that more may be needed for this project. Maybe divine intervention is required. But, what the Enneagram does say is that, if we let it, it can be a sizable piece of the puzzle to reveal the mystery of our identity, purpose, and the ultimate reality which we partake of.

That is a pretty important piece to the puzzle — if you ask me.