The Autism Spectrum: How to take the *sighs out of parenting.
By: Braedon Leslie
Tags: Autism, Mental Health Resources, Mental Health Awareness, Autism Acceptance, Autism Spectrum Disorder

Where do I begin?

I was sitting at my desk reminiscing about my day, when it struck me how tough parenting someone with autism can be. I thought, “How can I help make raising someone with autism a bit more manageable?”

Here’s my plan, over the next several weeks, I’m going to get you caught up to speed on all the things I think a parent should know when raising a child with autism or other related disabilities.

I’ve got a brief list here to show you the kind of ground we are going to cover:

ADHD

Anxiety

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Dependent Personality Disorder

Depression

Developmental Delay

Impulsivity

Inattention

Low Processing Speed

Low Self-Esteem

Social Deficits

Speech Impediments

Process Addiction

Impaired motor function

Before you get startled, turn off your monitor and think there’s no way in hell you can do this, just breathe. The fact you’ve come this far is amazing.

Understanding what your child struggles with is a big step in the right direction. Knowing more about where they’re coming form will help you feel more compassion toward them and care for them with a deeper level of empathy, commitment, and resolve.

I commend you.

Let us begin.

Where to start? First, let me be clear about one thing. I don’t pretend for a minute that I’m the foremost expert in the universe on mental health or autism. My aim is not to diagnose your child. I leave that to the experts; you know, the MD’s, PsyD’s, LMFT’s and PhD’s.

Now that I got that out of the way, let’s really start.

ADHD

“This is your child. And this is your child on ADHD.” The dynamic image below or GIF as the young kids call it, is a mostly accurate representation of what life with ADHD might look like. Chaotic, right? If I could add noise I would.

You may have noticed that your child is distracted, inattentive, hyperactive, impulsive or ALL of these. Isn’t that just peachy?

Two things to know, what is it and how do we manage it?

What is it?

According to the CDC, “ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and often lasts into adulthood. Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or be overly active.”

How will you ever manage it? Because I know you’ve probably considered it or had someone recommend it to you, medication is an option. However, I can’t stress this enough, I leave that up to you and your provider’s discretion. And truth be told, a holistic solution is going to be your best bet when it comes to managing just about any facet of your child’s condition.

First things first, before we get into potential interventions, it is crucial that you understand what the “processing funnel” is and how it relates to your child.

Processing Approach 101 for Children with ASD

Processing has to do with the depth and quality of information that is understood and absorbed by someone’s brain. Typically, someone with an ASD diagnosis will present with an impaired ability to process information.

Like a computer, information is processed at different speeds, sometimes successfully, other times not so much. This “crash” or impaired cognition comes from an overload of sensory data being handled at one time.

Think of it like a funnel. If you fill a funnel too quickly, what happens? It overflows. For some of your children, this funnel will be especially shallow and result in overflows quite easily. For others, the funnel may take a relatively long time to fill, but the information that comes out the narrow end is slow like a drip. For some, the information may fall straight through as if there was no narrowing to the funnel and none of the information you share will stick.

Often, when a child’s funnel fills too quickly they become overstimulated. He or she will shut down, isolate, get angry, be oppositional and get stuck in rigid thinking.

When your son or daughter is feeling “flooded,” using ADHD friendly approaches can help to lower stress and avoid further meltdowns. As an aside, these approaches are not exclusive to moments of high-stress. They are useful in all settings.

ADHD Jedi Mind Tricks (take notes)

Now, I would like to present a few approaches you can use to engage with and direct your child more effectively.

I’ve uncovered the value of these strategies as both a practitioner and fellow human. I stand by them and know they will become an essential part of your parenting toolkit as you use them with your child.

Here are 6 cues you should use to get the attention of your child:

SIGHT, Get eye contact before giving instruction. Keep eye contact as they repeat instruction or give a response. TOUCH, Use light physical touch to get attention and interrupt acts of impulsivity when they are not responding to their name. SPEECH, You will often need to repeat instruction. Have them repeat them back to you. Give clear and concrete instructions without patronizing. PROXIMITY, Stay close to your child during groups or activities. This allows you to use the power of sight, touch, and speech without drawing attention to your son or daughter. STIMULATION, Be mindful of distractions and stimulation levels. Managing the environment increases their ability to maintain proper focus and attention. Removing your child from the stimulus can be a successful way to help them process information more effectively. PRAISE, Point out what they are doing well. Strive to give 5 positives for every criticism/correction.

Once you have gotten the attention of your child, by using one of the 6 ADHD approaches, you may attempt to initiate a moment for your child to “reflect and process.” Commonly known as an R&P in the industry, this tool is to help your child de-escalate and get back to a more processing friendly state of mind when they appear to be dysregulated or emotional. It might look something like this:

*Standing within sight and sound of your child. “Jesse, you seem upset. Can we talk about what’s going on? … Jesse, I’d like you to take a few minutes to calm down before we head out. If you need to, use one of your self-soothing skills (silly putty, fidget spinner, read, deep breathing, go on a walk etc.) We can talk when the time is up.” If they can’t separate themselves, you may separate yourself from the situation. It does not good to engage while we are emotional or upset.

Don’t fret, you’ll find more helpful tips below.

Don’t jump to conclusions and avoid high-intensity. The last thing you want to do is add gas to an open fire or start one for that matter. Take things one step at a time, don’t move to fast or explain things to quickly. As you become familiar with your child’s ability to process information you’ll get the hang of it. How would you like it if you had to take organic chemistry from a foreign professor with a really thick accent while trying to do jumping jacks at an AC/DC concert? Yeah, good luck. That’s basically what life with ADHD looks like. Okay, so I’m being a bit facetious. The fact of the matter is, it’s an inconvenience for like 99% of the people who deal with it. The way you can help you child is by breaking down information into simple, bite sized explanations. Don’t just say clean your room, teach them how, step by step. This one is easy, it’s called the three C’s. Keep it clear, concise, and make it concrete. The last thing you want to do is set an expectation for your child that you have poorly communicated. On that note, make sure that your expectations are not entirely unreasonable. Remember, autism does not mean incapable. You can set expectations for your child and help them learn to meet them. However, scaffolding your child’s way to success is usually a more effective way to go. Forecasting is fancy industry talk for giving your child a heads up when you are about to leave or set some sort of expectation. “We’re leaving in 20 minutes.” Frontloading is used when your child has struggled to do something in the past. You can frontload and remind them that there have been issues with getting off the computer on time and if there are issues today, there may be a consequence. “Last time I let you use the computer you had a hard time getting off. Can you make sure to get off when you’re asked?” Q-Setting: Help your child learn to focus on one thing at a time, for a set amount of time. This allows your child to focus solely on the activity, not on the time it takes them to do it. Brain dumping: When your child finishes an activity, whether it’s totally done or not, have them dump all their racing thoughts onto a page. This should be a place they can turn back to, if needed.

Until next post.

Thank you for reading. Honestly, I hope this helps. Working with young adults on the autism spectrum has been one of my greatest joys.

Next week, we’ll be diving into anxiety and how you can help your child manage the ups and downs of life.

P.S.

Remember to build a relationship with you child. It may sound super intuitive but amidst managing their care, working and doing all the other things that are asked of you, you’d be surprised how often it get’s forgotten about. Don’t let caring for and pouring into your child become a chore. It should be an extension of your life’s work and joy.

I wish you all the very best and hope you how amazing you are. Your children are blessed to have you.

Thanks