Open Letter on Masculinity
By: Ashley Merrill
Tags: Vogue, Harry Styles, Masculinity

As gender roles converge into more unisex expectations are we delivered into a world where the ideals converge and women can wear the pants… and men the dress?

What does it mean to be a man today? This is a question I thought about a lot this week after seeing Harry Styles wearing a dress in the December issue of Vogue — and seeing the incredible variety of opinions from both fans and haters on social media.

The question of what it means to be a man is not just a philosophical question. It’s a question that I believe is fundamental to who we are as a society, that broader question is something I’m trying to answer myself every day in my work and personal life.

Many of the changes to “traditional” gender roles over the last 50 years have been centered on women: the shattering of the glass ceiling in many industries; the rise of dual income households, the normalization of female sexuality; and the sharing of parental responsibilities; etc.

But these changes have also created a lot of unanswered questions for men. As a man, are you expected to be stoic or sensitive? More career or family oriented? Are we entering a world of unisex expectations, or will gender roles continue to persist? Searching for answers, we dove hard into this topic on @thedeep.life and realized we were not alone in our uncertainty.

(Source: 700 respondents @TheDeep.life)

My husband and I are entrepreneurs and parents trying to wade through a life that looks very different from that which we were raised in. It’s a world where it feels like the playbook is changing day-by-day. Women work outside the home … but are they still thought of as the primary caregivers for children? Is a woman less “feminine” if she is the breadwinner (and is a man less “masculine” if he’s a stay-at-home dad)? Should a man still pay for the first date (or at least offer to)? And on that note: Is it offensive for a man to open a door for a woman? Also … who writes these rules anyway? Feminism may have opened doors to new possibilities and conversations, but it’s left many grappling for answers.

Six years ago I launched a sleepwear brand to outfit the modern woman for everything she does at home. The company was personal to me; I created Lunya because I couldn’t find clothes that served my real needs or supported me in being who I wanted to be at home. I started with women because, well, I was one, so it was easier for me to solve the need and to be sure the demand was there. But after many years of Lunya’s success, men started asking, What about us?

And I thought: Of course. What about men? (Also: what am I saying by not serving men?)

I created Lahgo to do something much bigger than making sleepwear. It was a chance to welcome men into the home on their own terms. It was a chance to do for men what Lunya was already doing for women: help them show up and be their best selves in their most intimate space.

Because at the end of the day, men, just like women, deserve to feel confident and authentic. Men shouldn’t be constrained by society’s expectations. Lahgo gives men an opportunity to be comfortable and define their own rules for masculinity at home.

So what do I think about Harry Styles wearing a dress? Honestly, I think we’re missing the point. It’s not about the dress. It’s about the man wearing the dress … and whether his clothes allow him to feel like the best version of himself.