History According to The Sista — Golda Meir
By: Oliver Thomas Spedding
Tags: 6 Day War, History, Israel, War, Palestine

The biography of Golda Meir told in American slang.

By

Oliver T. Spedding

Our sista, Golda Mabovitch, first checked out the light of day in the armpit of a town called Kiev in the land of the Ivans in 1898.

Her old man, Moshe, jetted out to the Big Apple in the US of A in 1903 and then hit the road to Milwaukee where he made enough moolah to haul his family there.

When Golda hits age fourteen, she busts out to Denver, Colorado where she gets hitched to Morris Meyerson when she’s nineteen.

In 1921 they make tracks to Palestine to live with the other Hymies there and the Camel Jockeys.

Golda’s big into Judaism but isn’t tuned in to the Big Guy in the sky.

Golda and Morris grub in a kibbutz but in 1924 they make tracks to Tel Aviv and then to Jerusalem where they have two ankle biters, Menachem and Sarah.

AMERICA’S CONTRIBUTION

In 1932 Golda busts out back to the US of A to fire up the Jewish peeps about a Jewish state called Israel and then hits the road back to Palestine and gets hooked on politics big time.

In 1948 the Pommies give the thumbs up to the State of Israel which is humungous but the Hymies don’t have enough moolah, so Golda hits the road back to the US of A and the peeps shell out 50 million bucks to help.

So Israel’s out of the starting blocks and makes it onto the main board in 1948.

Four days later Golda makes tracks to Amman, wherever that is, disguised as a Carpet Kisser chick, and huddles with the Head Honcho, King Abdullah, hoping to smoke a peace pipe.

But when Israel signs the Declaration of Independence, whatever that is, the Camel Jockeys get seriously bent out of shape and face off against the Hymies.

THE SIX-DAY WAR

So there’s a serious face-off and the Hymies cream the Camel Jockeys big time in six days and the war’s history.

Then Golda jets out to the land of the Ivans where the Hymies get fired up and then she makes it onto the Knesset team and busts a nut settling the Hymies in their new cribs.

Then the Israeli Head Honcho, Davy Ben Gurion, tells Golda to run for mayor of Tel Aviv but it’s a bummer because she’s a chick.

In 1956 Golda makes it to Foreign Ministry head honcho and changes her handle to “Meir”.

Then the Gypos make waves about the Suez Canal and it’s called the “Suez Crisis” and the Hymies take on the Gypos together with the Pommies and the Frenchies.

But the Yankees and the Ivans say this is a no-no and nix the invasion.

Then, in 1957, an unglued crazy tries to take out the Knesset and Golda’s injured in the hoof.

PRIME MINISTER

In 1969 the Israeli head honcho, Levi Eshkol, runs out of life and Golda throws her hat into the ring for Israeli Head Honcho and makes it to the Head Sista of Israel and huddles with the Yankees, the Krauts and the Pope.

In 1972 the Camel Jockey baddies blow away the Israeli sports guys in Munich and Golda’s seriously bent out of shape and sends the Mossad bruvas to take them out.

After that about 200 000 Ivans make tracks to Israel but Golda’s maxed out and in 1974 she throws in the towel as Israeli Head Honcho and benches herself.

In 1978 Golda Meir ran out of life and was buried on Mount Herzl in Jerusalem.

Photographs

Photo 1 — Photo by Taylor Brandon on Unsplash

Photo 2 — Photo by Sander Crombach on Unsplash

Photo 3 — Photo by Samuel Penn on Unsplash

Photo 4 — Photo by Bruno Aguirre on Unsplash