How the Nonverbal Communication Behaviors of Girls Change When Near a Boy
By: Defne Tangulu
Tags: Nonverbal Communication, Courtship, Nonverbal Behavior, Anthropology, Sociology

How the Nonverbal Communication Behaviors of Girls Change When Near a Boy Defne Tangulu Aug 27·15 min read

Abstract

This paper investigates how the body movements (shifts in posture, playing with hair and clothes etc.) and facial expressions of girls between the ages of 15–30 differ when they are with similar-aged boys compared to when they are not. The purpose of this paper is to provide insight into and to understand how girls act differently depending on whether or not they are near a boy. This paper includes real-life observations of girls between the ages of 15- 30 in open spaces such as parks, restaurants, bus stops, train stations, and benches by the Zurich Lake. These observations were made by specifically paying attention to body and hand movements, as well as the facial expressions of girls, and by assuming that the girls that were being observed were attracted to boys and not another gender. Finally, a conclusion was drawn by emphasizing the main points of the paper and stating the common behaviors found throughout the observations that explain how girls act differently when near boys.

Introduction and Context

Most girls tend to act very differently around boys than they do around girls. A lot of factors affect how they act: the attractiveness of the boys, their proximity to them, and who they are with. Some girls, especially ones in high school, seem to think that acting “different” makes them more attractive. This is also visible in outdoor spaces such as parks, bus stops, train stations, restaurants, and the lake/riverside. Some ways that girls show their attraction to boys are:

Holding eye contact Frequently smiling and overall having a happy face Sitting directly facing the boy Grinning Licking their lips Giving fast glances Moving towards the boy Touching the boys’ hand

Knowing these signs and recognizing them is important not only for boys but also for girls, especially in high schools and in the work environment since recognizing them would lead to better understanding the courtship behaviors of girls. This paper is relevant to all genders that would like to know the common behaviors of girls when they are attracted to a boy and how they act differently when a boy is near them or next to them compared to when they are only with girls.

A total of 7 observation days formed the basis of this study, with 1–3 groups of people being observed on each day. The locations for the observations will be by the lakeside park, the park, the benches by a river, and the benches by the Zurich lake, as these are the most densely populated places. The observations will be made in warm weather (24–30°C) as there will be more people to observe. On each observation day, the common behaviors exhibited by girls when around boys will be kept in mind and notes will be taken to record how many times these common behaviors are demonstrated by the observed girls.

Body movements (shifts in posture, shifts in weight on the legs…) and hand movements (talking with exaggerated hand movements, playing with hair and clothes…) will also be observed. The age of the girls will also be taken into consideration; their age can be roughly determined by whether or not the girls are with a supervisor, the clothes they are wearing, and whether or not they look old or young. The age will then be assigned to a rough age category (15–20, 20–25, 25–30). It is very important to note if the girls are in groups of only girls, or mixed-gender. Photos and videos will also be taken during the observations to show whether or not the behaviors that were being sought for were found.

It will be a naturalistic observation, therefore, the people will be observed from a distance at each location in order to make sure that the girls being observed do not see that they are being observed, as people tend to act differently when they know they are being watched. Following these observations, a conclusion will be drawn using the common behaviors found in all the observations.

2. Background

In this section, more detailed explanations of the common behaviors that girls exhibit around boys will be explained as well as what courtship and quasi-courtship behaviors are.

2.1 — Courtship Behavior

Courtship behavior is behavior that almost always indicates romantic attraction to a person nonverbally (i.e. touching them on the legs, arms, and hands, holding eye contact…). These behaviors are usually easily spotted, hence why they are being watched for carefully in the observations that are being done in this paper.

2.1.1 — Facial Movements

Facial movements include holding eye contact, excessively smiling and laughing, raising eyebrows, licking lips, etc. Facial movements are often a vital part of showing attraction to boys. Girls tend to always smile and seem happy and often hold eye contact with a boy to indicate their attraction, whilst boys seem to spread their legs and try to seem physically bigger and therefore stronger. Girls often look at the other person’s lips while licking or biting their own lips, which is also a common behavior in showing attraction to boys. A “coy glance”, which is a half-smile and indirect eye contact, is also used by girls and women all around the world to show attraction.

Image 1

As seen above, in image 1, eyes are used as a main way to show courtship behavior and signs of attraction towards boys. Girls use their eyes to flirt and get a boy’s attention and they do this by slightly smiling (a “coy glance”) and usually not showing any teeth, the opposite of the picture above. As seen in high schools, girls tend to move their head from looking down to the ground to looking up at a boy’s face so that it seems that they have “swift” movements.

2.1.2 — Hand and Feet Positioning and Movements

Girls tend to touch their hair and fix their clothes often when around boys and this might be to seem neater, prettier, and more attractive. This will be one of the main aspects that will be looked for in the observations. Girls also tend to put their hair behind their ears or shoulders in order to show more skin. Feet are usually positioned outwards in order to seem more “open” and approachable, as seen in image 2.

Image 2

Usually, if the feet and knees are inwards and the girl is playing with her fingers a lot, as seen in image 3, it shows signs of nervousness, uneasiness, and can sometimes even mean that they are not attracted to the boy, especially if they are not moving their legs while laughing or smiling.

Image 3

2.1.3 — Body Positioning

Body Positioning includes shifting weight in the legs while standing, which way the legs are crossed when with a boy (towards him or away from him), and which way the face and body are facing (i.e. towards a specific boy in a mixed-gender group with multiple boys). Body positioning is a strong indicator of attraction and of courtship behaviour. Slowly starting to come closer to a boy or starting to lean in closer to a boy are also common signs of attraction.

2.2 — Quasi-Courtship Behavior

Quasi-courtship behaviors are certain actions that girls and boys do that can be interpreted both romantically and not romantically to achieve a non-sexual goal. Quasi is defined as: “that appears to be something but is not really so”. During the observations, specific attention will be paid to identifying courtship and quasi-courtship behavior, in order that the wrong conclusions will not be drawn.

2.2.1 — Clothing, Jewelry, and Hair

The way that a girl styles her hair, puts on certain kinds of jewelry, and wears certain kinds of clothes can be seen both as a way of putting effort into one’s self, or to feel good without intending to attract boys. Girls can wear short clothing to make their legs seem longer and make their body taller. They might do this to achieve a non-sexual goal using behaviors that are normally made to show attraction.

3. Nature of the Observed People

The people that were observed either talked in German/Swiss German or in English and were assumed to be German, Swiss, or from an English-speaking country. The groups observed ranged in age between 15–30 and were put into the rough age categories of 15–20, 20–25, and 25–30. The people observed ranged in different group types: only girls, a girl and a boy, two girls and two boys, and two girls and multiple boys. The people were observed in the park, the lakeside park, the benches by the Zurich lake, and the riverside.

4. Observations and Analysis

In this section, the common behaviors found during the observations will be highlighted and thoroughly explained. Specific examples will be given from all of the observations regarding the common behaviors.

4.1 — Bifurcation Sample

A bifurcation sample narrows down the data and helps in getting a more accurate analysis. Observation day 5 was a bifurcation sample as not a lot of people were observed, and when they were observed, enough data could not be collected. The bifurcation sample will not be used in the analysis with the rest of the observations.

4.2 — Facial Movements

Facial movements were one of the most common behaviors found throughout all the observations and were present in almost every one of them. It was observed that when a boy was near a girl, the girl smiled and laughed a lot more than when she was alone or with another girl. As seen in image 4, during the first observation day, the girl with the braided blonde hair, on the left side of the circled group, is laughing when near boys. It was observed that when the boys left, neither the blonde nor the brunette girl talked or smiled as much. Both the girls in image 4 were slouching, which is shown as a possible sign of not being romantically attracted to a person, yet the girls are still laughing and smiling; the reason for this is assumed to be that they still want to seem nice and attractive.

Image 4

On the fourth day of observations, a girl and a boy that were alone were observed. They were sitting very close together and were constantly smiling, laughing, and looking towards each other. The girl always bit her lips or pouted them. Biting or pouting lips is a sign of courtship behavior, usually done by girls. The girl seemed to talk faster than normal, which might indicate nervousness. As seen in image 5, the seventh day of observations also contained very similar facial movements. The girl with the brown hair (black circle) usually showed signs of affection to the boy on her right (red circle) by laughing and smiling at him.

Image 5

In image 6, the blonde boy and the girl with the green bikini showed signs of attraction towards each other by constantly smiling and laughing like the other two people next to them.

Image 6

4.3 — Hand, Feet, and Body Movements

Hand, feet, and body movements and positioning were the most common behaviors found throughout the observations. The main ways that they were portrayed in the observations were by touching hair, fixing clothes, shifting the weight in legs, and leaning in towards the other person.

Two groups were observed during the first day of observations. One group had two girls and four boys, and the other group had only three girls. The first group of people that was observed were 20–25 years old. One of the girls in the first group had her hair in pigtails while she was laying down on the grass. Her body was facing only one of the guys even though she was not talking to him and was on her phone. The reason that she was on her phone but still facing one of the boys might be because she was too nervous to talk to him. On the contrary, the girl with the braids was talking to two of the boys but her body was only facing one of them.

This might be to show attraction towards the guy she was facing, without wanting to be rude by not talking to the other guy. Both girls were consistently fixing their hair and clothing to seem neater.

The three girls in the second group were between the ages of 15–20. They were sitting facing a big group of guys that were older than them. Only one of the girls in the group was directly facing the guys as the girls were sitting in a circle. As seen in image 7, when one of the guys, who was shirtless, stood up, the girl with the long brown hair (red circle) straightened her back and fixed her hair by putting it behind her shoulders. She then leaned back with her arms to make her stomach flatter and to emphasize her chest to seem older and more attractive. The other girls either had their hair up or behind their shoulders to show more skin.

Image 7

During observation days two and three, the girls also either had their hair up or behind their shoulders, and the body of one of the girls during observation day three was also facing only one of the guys and she was mostly only talking to him. When she stood up, she always fixed her shorts and her shirt to seem neater.

One difference seen in the observations between the common courtship behaviors of girls and boys was that boys tended to look at a girl for a long period of time to show attraction, whilst girls tended to play with their hair, and fix their clothing.

A boy and a girl alone were observed on observation day 4. The girl was talking more than the boy was, and she fixed her hair and her clothes often, which was very common throughout all the observations. Both the girl and the boy were constantly smiling and looking towards each other and the girl had her legs crossed and was facing towards the boy. They both leaned forward often, and the boy had his hands open, (his palm was facing up) which is a sign of “openness” and availability. Similar behaviors were found in the sixth observation day. As seen in image 8, a boy and a girl were observed sitting by the lake. They both kept leaning in towards each other and the girl always fixed her hair and put it behind her ears so that she could see the boy more easily and so that she could show more skin.

Image 8

In observation day 7, the first group that was observed was a group of two girls and four boys, and they were around the ages of 15–20. They were observed by the lake. The girls seemed comfortable around the boys while standing but when the taller girl sat down, she looked very uncomfortable. While she was standing, she kept shifting the weight on her legs and did not stop moving. She had a cigarette in her hand, yet never smoked it; this might be because she wanted to look “cool” and attractive with the cigarette, but did not enjoy smoking it. The girl that had the cigarette was approximately the same height as the boys next to her when she was standing. But once she sat down, she put her legs under the bench, was playing with her hands a lot, and biting her nails. She did not seem comfortable and looked very nervous. This might be because she was shorter than the boys around her when she was sitting down and the boys “loomed” over her. As seen in images 10 and 11, the girl looks comfortable standing up, but then becomes very uncomfortable sitting down. It was also observed that her hand was always by her face, as seen in image 11.

Image 10 and 11

The second group that was observed consisted of two girls and two boys around the ages of 25–30. There was a girl with brown hair, who had her hair behind her shoulders and was closer to one of the boys than she was to the other. She leaned towards the boy to whom she seemed attracted to, and sat closer to him. This was seen in earlier observations as well. Both the girls in the group were constantly playing with their hair and fixing their clothes. Similarly, the third group that was observed in the seventh day of observation was also a group of two girls and two boys. They were around the age of 15–20, and one of the girls showed courtship behavior to the boy next to her by first showing something on her water bottle to him, and then moving a bit closer to him. Hand, feet, and body movements were seen in every observation that was made and were the biggest common behaviors that were found.

4.4 — Clothing, Jewelry, and Hair

The clothing, jewelry, and the way the hair was styled by all the girls in the observations were very similar. Most girls wore shorts and tank tops, and only a couple of girls wore jewelry. In all of the observation days, the girls either always had their hair up, or behind their shoulders to show more skin. The temperature the observations were made in were between 25–30°C, therefore, we can infer that the girls either showed skin to cool down or to show more skin to who they were with. In the first observation day, the girl with the blonde braided hair had big hoop earrings which is very uncommon since the girl and her friends were at a park by the lake and the girl later went swimming. Normally, girls do not tend to wear jewelry to go swimming, as it is easy to lose or for the color to fade. Contrary to the mixed-gender groups, the girls that were not near boys did not look like they tried to look extra attractive to boys. They had their hair in buns and had their sunglasses on which covered most of their face. They also had headphones on and did not look like they wanted anyone to bother them.

Similar to observation day one, the girls in observation day three also had their hair tied up and were wearing very short clothing. An interesting finding in observation days two, three, four, and seven was that some of the girls were wearing white clothing. The girls might be wearing white since it reflects light and stands out, thus making it more noticeable. As seen in image 12, there were two girls who were both wearing light clothing. It is also seen that there are two boys near them, and the girl might have worn white because she knew that there would be boys.

Image 12

In observation day six there was a group of three girls, one of whom was wearing a long t-shirt and it looked like she was not wearing any shorts underneath. This might be to seem older by wearing short clothing to attract boys.

5. Conclusion

As seen from all the observations, most of the time girls have different behaviors around boys than they do around girls. Since not all girls are the same, the behaviors that are found around boys differ but still have lots of similarities between them. The purpose of this paper was to find the most common behaviors throughout the total of 13 observations that were made over 7 days and to make a general statement as to what the most common behavior was. The most common behavior that was found was the hand, feet, and body movements and positioning. These included playing with hair and clothes, putting one leg on top another either towards the boy or away, and shift in weight in the legs. This behavior was found in almost every single observation and also showed that the boy did seem more interested in the girl and leaned in closer when the girl showed more skin, touched her hair, or moved closer to the boy. Facial movements, such as excessively smiling and laughing, were also very common in the observations that were made, but they did not show up as much as body movements. There was no connection between the common behaviors and the locations in which the observations were made. The findings of this paper can help both girls and boys in pointing out and easily finding the common courtship behaviors of girls when near boys, both in school and in the work environment.

Citations

1 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.

2 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.

3 TodayShow. “18 Body Language Clues That Say He’s Interested — Definitely.” TODAY.com, 5 Mar. 2018, www.today.com/health/18-body-language-clues-say-he-s-interested-definitely-t72476.

4 Eibl-Eibesfeldt, Irenäus, and Geoffrey Strachan. Love and Hate. Methuen, 1973.

5 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014. (image 6 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.

7 “Our Feet Can Talk, Says Study.” The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 2 Dec. 2009, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/6707704/Our-feet-can-talk-says-study.html.

8 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.

9 “Quasi-.” Quasi Combining Form — Definition, Pictures, Pronunciation and Usage Notes | Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary at OxfordLearnersDictionaries.com, www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/quasi?q=quasi.

10 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.

11 Knapp, Mark L., et al. Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction. 2014.