How Rethinking Your Approach to Death Will Make You Appreciate Life.
By: Teronie J. Donaldson
Tags: Death, Gratitude, Life And Death, Mindset, Growth

The fear of leaving my family

I fear leaving my family in this one life I know. The thought of not being present in their life is tough. I want to be present for all of my kids’ life events and continue living a full married life with my wife.

But as I know, the inevitable will happen. So I use that reminder to live in the moment and make memories. I don’t take anything for granted.

I am not painting a fairy tale existence where everything is awesome and perfect. I will admit my kids get on my nerves sometimes. Especially doing homework with them or instructing them to do their chores. I just got a headache writing that line.

Don’t judge — if you are a parent, you probably just laughed out loud because you can relate.

I am impatient and irritable at times.

I am a great husband, but I sometimes fall short in helping my superwoman wife.

Sure, I could help potty train my three-year-old son more often. Sure, I could listen more. Certainly, I could help my wife around the house more, but at times I don’t feel like it. And when I don’t feel like it, I won’t budge.

However, I am aware of this, and I strive to improve. Yeah, I know I work hard, but my wife works 3x harder, especially with our kids.

I remind myself, “If I were to die today, how much harder would life be for them.” As time passes, I know they would be able to move on, but the immediate impact would be devastating.

So as I think about that — I consider the question;

Besides being present in my family’s life, how can I add value daily?

Adding value is not only for business. Your family is the most valuable asset you have.

I truly believe a happy is an earlier heaven.

So I add value by;

Learning from those errors I made.

Reevaluating my responses to my wife’s requests.

Having more patience when dealing with my kids.

Discipline them, guide them, and allow room for mistakes so we all can learn together.

My kids won’t be kids forever, so I think about how to enjoy those moments now.

Doing more housework around the home for my wife to ease the burden for her.

In terms of finance, last year we got all the necessary insurance — life, disability, critical illness, etc. In unforeseen circumstances, the money will provide a cushion of financial relief to breathe during the grieving process.

As far as skills, we work together to build our legacy. Because I believe it’s my duty to leave my family in great shape if I am out of the equation.

Suffering a debilitating illness

I truly believe there are some fates worse than death.

Seeing people suffer through heavily debilitating illnesses is not a way I would want to live.

I am grateful daily for my health and mobility. So I make body maintenance a priority. The body is the best tool we have in life. Your brain is the best asset, but the body is the tool to help you maximize that asset.

It is cause and effect. If you don’t make time for your health, you will have to make time for your illness.

If one gets afflicted with a serious illness, there is no advice anyone can give to cure or treat it. The best help would be from established medical professionals.

It is hard to witness someone suffer through debilitating diseases. There are so many to count — various forms of cancers, neurological disorders, etc.

I think the true superheroes in life are the ones who live with debilitating ailments and can still maintain a positive outlook.

I find this scarier than death because the ailment controls you. I wouldn’t want such a circumstance. I may not be strong enough for that, truthfully speaking.

I recently read a book called “Chasing Daylight” by Eugene O’Kelly.

I was impressed with how O’Kelly handled his dire prognosis. In May 2005, doctors told him (age 53 at the time and chairman and CEO of KPMG, a multi-billion-dollar company) that he had inoperable brain cancer and would die in a matter of months, three to be exact.

O’Kelly decided instead of losing time, he would take control of his death. The diagnosis gave him time to think seriously about his life and its meaning. O’Kelly’s first step towards preparing for death was to accept the facts.

“My days as a man at the top of his game, vigorous and productive, were done, just like that.” — Eugene O’Kelly.

He did not expect miracles; neither did he waste any energy on mourning or getting invasive medical treatments. He made peace with his fate and devoted himself to making those last days the best of his life.

He used his remaining months to make his life in many ways more purposeful than it had ever been.

What would you do if faced with the same scenario? Real hard to say.

“Live in the Present Moment: Most people live in the future, always working toward that “someday” when they will be able to retire, enjoy life, and be happy but, as he found out, “someday” may never come, so we must enjoy each moment of each day as best as we are able.” — Eugene O’Kelly.

When talking to older people, they always say they are at the age where life starts to take its gifts it has given you — the gifts of friendships, health, and youth.

I think about that and make sure my moments while healthy count. To make sure I appreciate the blessing I have and am eternally grateful.

Not living up to my potential.

“Hell is not a place you if you’re not a Christian, it’s the failure of your life’s greatest ambition” — Immortal Technique.

Not living up to my potential at the outset may seem trivial to others, but it is crucial.

We are all on different journeys in this life. Some people are happy exactly where they are, and there is no problem with that whatsoever.

I can only speak for myself, and in terms of where I want to go, if I didn’t live my life to its full potential, it would be torture.

“Be all you can be” wasn’t just an army slogan; I believe it is a life philosophy and strategy.

Not being all I can be would be equivalent to living a life of quiet desperation.

I remember reading a passage from David Goggins’ book “Can’t Hurt Me,” where he mentions The 40% Rule.

The rule states that many of us live at 40% of our true capability.

Most of us give up when we’ve only given around 40 percent of our maximum effort. Even when we feel like we’ve reached our absolute limit, we still have 60 percent more to give!

I was invigorated by this analogy. Whether you are religious or not, it is a great metric for measuring how to live your life.

If at the end of your life, there is a video replay on your journey, and it showed what you were supposed to be; However, fears and limitations made you live a shell of what you could have been, that would be devastating.

I thought about that deeply and committed myself to live my full potential — no matter what.

It is my duty, my obligation, my mission. If I don’t live my full potential, how can I tell my kids to?

How can I help others if I don’t help myself?

The three things I fear more than death;

Leaving my family (wife and kids), Suffering a debilitating illness and

not living up to my full potential helps me to cherish my life moments now.

There will be emotional pain, but eventually, people move on.