Your hidden personality and how it guides you
By: Michael Ham
Tags: Self Development, Life Lessons, Psychology, Journaling, Self Improvement

Your hidden personality and how it guides you

Your theories of action: Theory in Use vs. Espoused Theory

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash, modified by author

Your “hidden personality” is hidden only from you — others get a clear understanding of it from your actions and words because behavior conveys personality. You’ve undoubtedly noticed that some people view themselves very differently from how others see them.

For example, assholes don’t view themselves as such, though from time to time, one will, with a shock of recognition, see that they have acted exactly as an asshole would. Sometimes that results in a positive change — they are, as it were, scared straight and take a more thoughtful and careful in future interactions.

Theory in Use vs. Espoused Theory

Our theory of action consists of the ideas, values, and assumptions that guide our actions—what we do and say. Chris Argyris saw the difference between how people view themselves and how others view them as the result of having two theories of action.

One is our theory in use — what we do and how it appears to an impartial observer — and the other is our espoused theory — our view of what we are doing and how we would describe it to others. For some, these two diverge considerably. I once worked for an extremely controlling manager who thought he gave free rein to his subordinates and supported their independence when in fact he continually checked on them and required that they clear any decisions with him.

Argyris studied management and organizations and found that the more a person ascended in the hierarchy of an organization, the more frequently theory in use and espoused theory diverged, because the higher a person’s position, the less likely their subordinates will provide frank and honest feedback (one of the ways that power corrupts.)

His book Increasing Leadership Effectiveness describes his experience with a small group of young CEOs. Among other things, he helped them give each other the frank and honest feedback they no longer got from subordinates. For example, they pointed out to each other instances in which their actions contradicted their statements of values. And in Theory in Practice: Increasing Professional Effectiveness Argyris and Donald Schön apply those ideas directly to the practice of education.

The Adaptive Unconscious vs. the Constructed/Conscious Self

Our adaptive unconscious and our conscious self each have a personality — characteristic behavior and responses — and the two personalities are relatively independent. Our espoused theory is what our conscious self does when it is making conscious decisions; our theory in practice is what our adaptive unconscious has us doing from habit — unconsciously.

Timothy Wilson’s excellent book Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious provides a good description of the unconscious and what we have learned about it. Wilson notes

The adaptive unconscious is more likely to influence people’s uncontrolled, implicit responses, whereas the constructed [conscious] self is more likely to influence people’s deliberative, explicit responses. For example, the quick, spontaneous decision of whether to argue with a coworker is likely to be under the control of one’s nonconscious needs for power and affiliation. A more thoughtful decision about whether to invite a coworker over for dinner is more likely to be under the control of one’s conscious, self-attributed motives.

How to take conscious control

It’s a good idea to learn the personality of your adaptive unconscious since it directly affects how people view you. That is, it’s a good idea to know the theory of action you (unconsciously) express in practice and whether (and how much) that differs from your espoused (conscious) theory of action.

So how can you do that? As Argyris demonstrated, frank and honest feedback, preferably with the guidance of a skilled facilitator, is one way— and group therapy is an example of that. That’s not always available, and in any case, it’s good to know what you can do on your own. Wilson offers this observation:

Because people cannot directly observe their nonconscious dispositions, they must try to infer them indirectly, by, for example, being good observers of their own behavior (e.g., how often they argue with their coworkers). How important is this kind of insight? It doesn’t have to be perfect, because some positive illusions are beneficial. However, it is to people’s benefit to make generally accurate inferences about the nature of their adaptive unconscious.

The Moral-Mirror Journal can help you learn the personality of your adaptive unconscious. This journal, written from a bystander or onlooker’s point of view, describes your interactions with others.

Don’t include in the journal your thoughts at the time or your reasons for what you did. Record only what was said and done: an objective account. When you review it after some time has passed, you may not be able to recall your thoughts and reasons, so you will have to judge what happened just as others do: based only on your words and actions

Over time, patterns will emerge, and in those patterns, you will see the personality of your adaptive unconscious and the theory in practice that you use. You may find that these differ from what you thought, and from that, you can get guidance for real change. If you continue the journal, you can judge the effectiveness of the change.