Connection
By: Jessi Hersey
Tags: Self Worth, Self Improvement, Truth, Connection, Selfhelpguidetohappiness

Connections are everywhere, from walking into a coffee shop and having a feeling you met the person ordering a plain black coffee is someone you have known forever though, in reality, you just meant or are about to meet. I have had countless connections in my life. There are fake connections too that I recently had to learn the hard way about, which I will go further in detail about telling the difference between the real connection versus the fake connections.

The real connection is fantastic and peaceful because your sharing in something special, sometimes not explainable. One of my favorite connections I ever had was in high school during my freshman year. I met someone four years older than me. We met through a mutual friend at school, and we both went to the same Thursday morning Christian group at school. She had a soft voice, and I won’t be using her real name out of respect for her. I will call her Liza; Liza had confidence radiating out of her, but she also cared deeply.

Our connection began the day our mutual friend introduced us. We couldn’t stop talking at first. It started only with things like what’s your favorite color? And turned into questioning the path God leads us on and questioning the universe and life in general. The connection only became deeper from there. I loved spending time with Liza, as Liza seemed to enjoy spending time with me mutually.

One day in her car driving back from her church group that she had introduced me to earlier that year. I had a burning question for her but was scared to ask her. So being me, I told her I had a question for her but was scared to ask. She told me to go for it and ask. So I did, “How long do you think this friendship will last?” Her reply was, “However long you want it too when you are done with it, then I will be done with it too” my response was, “I hope it never ends,” and she did keep her word of that. I had to start to rebuild my life to find her again, currently in the process of reconnecting.

Of course, my close friend I have known since I was four years old she is a constant connection, the Best part is like the connection above I talked about they tend to be open and forgiving, which I am thankful for always.

Kelly Sikkema took the picture on Unsplash.

Now onto the fake connection that can feel just as real as a genuine connection. People like to play into connection, especially those looking to get something out of you. You will feel the ease in speaking and able to talk for hours, and it will feel good at first. I recently learned the second close friend who I thought was a close friend turned out to be a user. Not a friend at all; I did initially feel a connection with this person. It felt good at first, but my first red flag was when she started getting pissed when I said I love the way she said manifesting. I just took it as she was self-conscious of her accent as I would have an accent too. As we all do American or not. So I just never repeated anything on that. The second red flag was our face to face session. She seemed to be suspicious of me right away.

Instead of going into an actual session that I had followed the rules to receive, she turned it into a questioning session of me and my intentions. Why I would want to be friends with her, it’s normal to have questioned what’s not normal is to be suspicious of someone who had only been honest in sharing everything. It felt off the entire session. It wasn’t even a session. It was more like a lie detection moment. I am thankful for the experience, so I know what to look out for next time if there is a next time. It felt horrible. My time felt awful; I didn’t feel better or learn anything from her. I did trust her and say a lot, only to be told later that I wasn’t up to her expectations of what she expects in a friendship. She compared me to every one of her friends that I didn’t make the mark of. To make the mark, I would have to do everything she says for me to do. That was one of many of the missing the marks with her. There was no apology later in time like normal adults do because we do as humans in the heat of the moment say stupid things, especially those close to us.

One thing to always remember you are not comparable to anyone. If anyone compares you, then they might not be seeing the full scope of the truth or being able to see anyone’s perspective but themselves. That leads to narcissism, which I will be writing an article on that too. Always remember you are great just the way you are, and no one can dim that light of yours. This fake connection taught me that I am not willing to give up who I am to please someone’s expectations of what they think or feel a friendship should be like. Every connection is different, and so is every friendship. Please pay close attention when red flags happen and do not brush it off as I did.