How a Seventyish Woman Finds ”Merry” in the Holidays
By: Jean Anne Feldeisen
Tags: Aging, Life Lessons, Mood, Holidays, Seniors

How a Seventyish Woman Finds ”Merry” in the Holidays

And an invitation to tell me how you’re doing it.

Photo by Jim Kalligas on Unsplash

It has been a hell of a year. Now we’re supposed to be Merry. What the heck? People are dying all around us. The President of the USA is rejoicing that soon we’ll have herd immunity if only another few million of us die. Meanwhile he is playing golf and holding political rallies claiming that he has won an election he has clearly lost, executing death row prisoners in record numbers and pardoning political cronies right and left. But this craziness aside…

Back to Merry.

I live in Maine on a 44-acre farm. There are pigs and cows and chickens and cats and cute little doggies and birds all over the place. And as long as I stay here mostly alone I will probably be able to avoid the virus and stay alive a bit longer. My 94-year-old mother is living alone in her own home and spending most of her time alone and surviving.

I mean, we know how to survive. But Merry? It’s going to take some doing. I have been using up all my Rally, have gotten tired of my own positive Spins on things, and wonder when the spin is just going to stop spinning altogether.

Seriously, I am hanging in, but it is taking more and more effort to get out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm for the day. I still have some hope in the morning. Things look sort of possible. If I could do this or that today, that would be good. I’d like to finish this mitten today, or make bread, or write about that, or clean this cupboard. I have plenty to do.

It is just the idea of staying in these same four walls with this same husband, saying hi to the same lady at the post office, the clerk at the grocery story, the limited social exchanges that are possible through a mask and at a distance. After nine months, it is all getting so… same. So routine. So intolerable!

I fantasize about going to a city, hugging people on the street, breathing on people (without hurting them), making a public spectacle of myself because I can’t stand to stay here any more. I want to shop in big stores with crowds of people, sit in a crowded diner and talk to the people all around me, clap people on the back, sit knee-to-knee with people at a concert of loud music I don’t even understand, just to be around PEOPLE.

I have never in my life missed crowds of people, their noises and weird hair and strange languages and crazy antics, their dancing and screaming and cursing and the rough and tumble mixture of personalities you get in a big crowd. I miss them now, I want to be in the middle of a big group, a stampede of people. I want to feel what it is like to be alive in a group again. There, I said it.

(Please, God, I don’t mean it. Don’t transport me to a big crowd as punishment for complaining. I probably would be trampled to death). But, really, this odd thing sounds desirable right now, just further evidence that I am losing my freaking mind.

So how do I get Merry?

Well, I have these little offerings for you. They aren’t big things, just little things that are keeping me going.

Medium support

Well, one of the things that is really nice and which I didn’t have last year, is a whole online support group on Medium. If I write a story like this one, not a deadly serious or erudite piece, just a little bit about my life, I am getting comments from people, mostly women, but some men and some people who aren’t my age as well as those who are. People are saying nice things, giving me little tips or tidbits from their own life. Even if I haven’t posted for a few days, often I wake up to a nice comment about an older story. This is starting to happen a lot and it feels really good. So thank you, everyone. It helps keep me going.

Sending cards

Another way I reach out to people at the holidays is by sending Christmas cards. Yes, I still do that. With paper and stamps, and through the US Postal Service. I know this is a lost tradition. One granddaughter asked me, ”but what do you say to all those people?” Well, I write a little note relevant to the receiver, and a bit about us. It takes some time but I try to make the time.

I have a list of people to whom I could send Christmas cards and I have decided to use up all of my leftover cards, make more as needed, and send them to everyone, even Republicans, and people who barely know me and people I haven’t heard from in years, just to say hey and how are you holding up and Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays (I have some on my list who would be offended with Merry Christmas and some would be offended with no mention of Christ, so I try to pick and choose carefully).

Making cards

Just in case you noticed I said that I made some cards myself, I’ll tell you what I like to do. I save old cards, cut out the really pretty parts from them and make a collage of sorts on blank cards you buy at the craft store. It takes a bit of time so I like to work on them throughout the year. This year I used some of those and made a few more on a whim, just because I could.

Christmas Cookie gifts

Then, as I wrote about a few weeks ago, I decided to make a lot of Christmas cookies for “Merry” presents. I bought a bunch of little white half pound boxes, some decorations for them and I’m making 20–30 little boxes of cookies to give not to family but to other people, the post office lady, the mail lady, the nice young mechanic who fixes my car, the lady in town who is newly widowed. I will try to make them look festive and deliver them in person just to say hello. I started with the first three batches today. I was glad I figured out a plan for doing it gradually so I don’t feel so exhausted by the end of the day.

No tree

Then, we are not having a Christmas tree, first time in my life I think, but that seems “Merry” because we are saving a lot of lugging of tree in and decorations up from the cellar, up, down, back in the cellar. That whole routine seems like too much this year and saying “No” seems like a gift. Just for this year when no one will be visiting our home for the holidays.

If we can have family gatherings next year, I promise I will have a big, full sized tree. I think. Too soon to tell about that.

Pretty wrapped gifts

Next, I plan to make bags of gifts for the family and take deliver them on Christmas. I am going to wrap all the presents this year, just to extend the festivities a bit. Often I skimp on the wrapping and pile everything in a holiday bag with tissue paper on the top. I’m planning to wrap. I’m also making gifts a bit simpler this year, trying to be mindful of how much I am spending and not go over my budget. And wrapping them prettier. Just to increase the “merry” factor.

Music…

Music is another thing that we are allowed to do this year. Alone. I think it is the cruelest thing of all that singing with a group is one of the best ways to spread Covid-19. All those hearty breaths bursting from exuberant mouths and full lungs. Such a beautiful thing that has always seemed so healthy, lost to us at this time.

Music always makes me feel good about the world. I am partial to Classical Music and I plan to listen to a virtual performance of Handel’s Messiah and every other online musical Christmas offering I can find this year. I will get my Messiah score out, send my husband to visit our daughter, and sing the alto part along with the choir here in my house. I will sing and cry my way all the way from the first chorus to the last Hallelujah Chorus. That should be good for some merriness afterwards. I may even serve myself cocoa and cookies.

I am also planning to play a little concert of the five piano pieces I’ve been practicing all year. For my husband, maybe a passing neighbor, or a few dogs. I will be glad to complete that and start picking out new pieces to learn for 2021.

Holiday dressing

I have begun wearing my holiday clothes now that it is two weeks before Christmas. I have some shirts and sweaters and earrings that I can really only wear around this time of year and I have put them into my wardrobe rotation now. If I have to listen to news reports from the White House Show, or the CDC updates, it sure helps to be wearing red and white glass candy cane earrings. Or have on my bright blue snowman sweater. Try it.

Color and light

I guess one of the factors behind some of these tips is color. Color definitely affects my mood. I like to wear bright colors when I need to lift my spirits. Having festive colors all around me is helpful. Also, lights around the windows, lit candles, the full spectrum light bulbs over my desk all help keep me happy.

Take away ?

I sure wish I could think of more kinds of merriment to offer you. Right now, I need to make more cookies. Keep going on your own. You can do it. And send me a comment if you come up with any good ideas you’d like to share.

Photo by the author: Holiday Biscotti

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