Think it’s just a joke? Think again.
By: Swetha Sundarraj
Tags: Culture, Parenting, Embrace, Social Change, Psychology

Growing up, I have always been ridiculed for the crazy mess that sits on top

of my head — my hair. I have been called countless embarrassing names that made me want to hide in a corner. As a result, I spent most of my childhood dreaming about straight hair.

Some kids do not care about what others say while some absorb and internalize everything. I belonged to the latter group. I listened to the jokes and obsessed over them despite everyone reminding me that it is just a joke.

Light ‘insult humor’ is generally harmless. But we do not consciously realize the negative message it sends when it is repeated over and over by different people.

I got tired of it

One random day, I got tired of fighting my hair. I got tired of fighting the jokes. I decided to just let my hair be. And then, something different happened. I started getting compliments. Even better, some people started asking for tips. Now, this was new! I was getting noticed for my hair!

I wanted to blend in but I started standing out. In college, many wouldn’t know me by my name but they would know ‘that curly-haired girl’. Most people assumed I spent $$ & hours at salons to get it to curl up. “No way this can be natural”, they would say. Few others gave me lectures on how I’m spoiling my hair and how I should chemically straighten it.

We are told to fit in at all costs, even if it means changing ourselves.

Ten years later…

I see a huge curl movement going on in India, which did not exist when I grew up. I see many new Indian influencers embracing and teaching about natural hair. I see many of my friends and relatives flaunt their curls and reach out for tips. And I’m so glad it is finally happening!

On the flip side, I’m still being shamed for my natural hair — particularly in India. Some think I’m different just because my hair is different. Some think it is ugly. Some find me rebellious.

It’s painful to see how much we are influenced by Conformity Bias. Our tendency to act in accordance with our immediate social circle is stronger than exercising our own individual judgment. Unrealistic ideals of beauty and culture were reinforced through media and society for years and we do not question them.

Social Change

We live in a society where we are told to change ourselves in any way possible to fit within impractical beauty standards. We need to move towards a society where people can choose what they want without being judged, as long as it does not cause harm to others.

Such a change begins with how we interact with others every single day. Without social change, we cannot progress as a society.

We need to teach ourselves and everyone around us to embrace who we are and what we have. The grass IS greener on your side. Show your kids how to be authentic without forcing them to fit in. Show them how to be kind. Little things add up. Every word counts.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Final words

Hair-shaming is just as real as body-shaming. It causes embarrassment & low self-esteem in kids. I know it because I went through it. The same happens for skin color, clothing & other lifestyle choices.

It’s shocking how we talk about self-esteem and depression as a society but continue to make derogatory jokes in the name of being ‘funny’. It’s upsetting to see educated adults being completely unaware of the negative impact their words can have on a child’s self-worth.

So the next time you are about to tease someone for their appearance ‘just for fun’, think again… Next time someone makes an inappropriate joke, choose not to laugh…