Be sexy…but not too sexy…
Tags: Dance Studio Owners, CEO, Small Business, Pole Dancing, Exotic Pole Dancing

“We don’t want to showcase that kind of sexy” my boss says to me as she notices a new post on my instagram feed. “Our hashtags shouldn’t be associated with that type of post”.

That day, I had posted an exotic routine, and to be frank I really had never posted much of my pole dancing career online to that point. When I started pole dancing it was back before instagram was even a household name. That day and that moment of what I recorded was the first time I had felt sexy since having two kids sixteen months apart and gaining over 70 lbs in the process.

That day I had owned who I was as a person, as a mom, as a wife, as someone who was proud of her body and all that I had accomplished in my adult life. I felt so good about it that I wanted to share it with my small little instagram world and hopefully encourage other women to try pole dancing. After that conversation with my then boss, I never felt more embarrassed and ashamed of my body in my life. This was supposed to be a pole studio where we come together as humans and appreciate what our bodies do without judgement. I could never look the same at that place again.

You see, I’ve always been a mid-sized woman. I comfortably fell between a size 8–10. I could run, workout, eat burgers, drink a beer and feel pretty damn healthy and enjoy life. I had been a Personal Trainer for many years at that size and never had an issue with a single client doubting my abilities. One year I thought it might be fun to try and do a bodybuilding competition. I achieved a size 0 at 130 lbs dry, but I also developed an eating disorder and lost my period.

After going through that, plus having two kids, I really didn’t know how to feel about my body and its look versus its capabilities. After going back into teaching pole fitness I wanted to show that it didn’t matter the body size. What mattered is that you put your ego at the door, you show up and you work on yourself at your own pace. I preached this. Size, sex, shape didn’t matter…we were here for a collective goal of dancing, dealing with trauma through movement, discovering self-love as we challenged our bodies to move in ways we only thought Russian circus performers could do.

After awhile I had enough, and knew it was my time. You see, ever since I took my very first pole class at 20 years old in 2008, I knew that one day I wanted to create a space of my own. I wanted it to be a place where you didn’t feel judged on your size, your fitness abilities or your background. The place I wanted to create would be inclusive, for all and the most important, a place for community. I had a taste of that community once when I started my pole journey. Girls who I didn’t know would cheer me on in class when I got my first invert, they knew my name, they knew what challenges arose for me in class and I knew theres. We were all collectively encouraging and supporting each other in our most vulnerable state in bra’s and shorts when some of us couldn’t look at ourselves in the mirror that way at home.

Finally, this year in the middle of a pandemic the timing was right. I found a place within budget, I knew I had my team of incredible, experienced and like minded instructors and I needed to strike while the iron was hot. It’s odd to be starting and building a business while others are on the brink of shutting down and it feels wrong. But at the same time I feel like we are a seed being planted in some dry dirt, but with a passion to grow. It has not been easy, but nothing easy is worth having. I am so humbled and excited to be creating this space finally and documenting the journey as a Pole Studio Business Owner. I hope that my words find those who are seeking help in opening their own place, or for students who are unsure about going to a class. Just know I am honored to be standing here, ready to bring all the community I can to my town.

See you in the studio.

Xoxo