Love: good, bad, ugly.
Tags: Breakups, Life Lessons, Relationships, Love, Self Love

16/04

As a child I had my life all planned out: buy my own house by 18 (lol), get married by 20 (LOL) and have my first child by 22 (goodness). I knew just where I wanted to be and couldn’t wait to get there, but I had no plan of how on earth I would actually reach the destination.

The main thing for me was to be in love — I’m a hopeless romantic; always have been, always will be. All I ever wanted was to be swept off my feet, like in the movies (corny I know, but it’s true).

I soon learned that nothing about life is like the movies I admired. I was young and naïve, and I had no clue of what real life was like.

Throughout my teenage years I wanted boys to fancy me; I was quickly brought to reality when I came to the conclusion that they just didn’t, not really. I always put it down to the fact that I hadn’t fully grown into my face (welp) and so I kept it stepping. I had a few situationships (this is a judgement-free zone — we have all been there).

But really, all I thought about was what it would be like when I had my first boyfriend. Boy, was I not ready for the rollercoaster I eventually went on…

I didn’t have my first proper boyfriend until I was twenty, so by this time I thought I knew what I wanted and that would be it, right? Wrong. I had no clue! I had spent a lot of time going back and forth with boys who were NOT serious, but when I finally found someone who wanted to be with me and only me, I thought this had to be ‘it’. I couldn’t believe I had found someone who I just clicked with… and they wanted to be my boyfriend! I’m not going to lie, I fell head over heels. FAST.

We spent the next two years together; we lived together, it was a great relationship and I have no regrets — the good times were REALLY good. But you know when something has just run its course? Nobody wants to fight for the relationship anymore, so you know it’s time for it to be over; and although I didn’t want to accept it then, it was for the best. There’s always a part of you that thinks ‘oh, we’ll talk in a few days, smooth it over and be back — good as new’, but deep inside I knew it was over. I was tired. He was tired. It was just the best solution.

One thing I have always said and stand by is: nobody should have to stay in a situation if it is not making them happy (whether it be friendship or relationship), they should walk away.

But the thing about breakups is everyone — from family and friends to relationship blogs and Twitter etc. — wants you to believe that the pain will pass and you’re better off without that person (which is probably all true). But the bottom line is everything about a breakup is complete and utter bullshit.

Oh, and don’t get me started on a breakup where nobody is in the wrong? Like, who am I supposed to blame for this pain I’m feeling? It’s not like I can gather up DBJ (my BFFFLs) and we decide to hate him as a collective because at the end of the day, neither of us did anything wrong.

Everyone has the right to protect their peace, so a breakup where nobody is held accountable is bittersweet. You still want to text them every day, to tell them that you still love and care for them, that you still want the best for them, but that you just aren’t for each other, and that’s okay. But I’ve found that you have to take the distance and accept it (disclaimer: that in itself can cause some further temporary damage). It’s horrible.

It’s like you became a whole new person when you’re in a relationship and now you have to do some soul searching to find who you were before that person. It is one of the HARDEST things I’ve ever had to do (I’m not sure I’m even done yet). But I have faith, and although right now I don’t feel as if it’s possible for me to open up the way I did, I know I will find love again. When? I don’t know. I’m not searching for it, but I know it will find me when the time is right.

In order to love wholly I’ve realised that I have to accept pain. Love and pain go hand in hand, like ying and yang or batty and bench (lol). They are the two main feelings of your heart, you can’t have one without the other.

Everything in life worth having will hurt you at some point, but it’s how you deal with the hurt that really determines the type of outcome you accept.

Love is such a beautiful thing, the feeling you get from being loved and being in love is unmatched. It is scary to know that to feel these immense feelings again, you have to accept the harsh reality that there is a possibility you will experience heartbreak again. Another failed relationship? Count me out! But if it goes well, and you stay together? Do I hear…HUSBAND?? A whole Husband?? And children — gosh what a dream!

So, yes. We should all accept the risk of love, because the outcome can be so rewarding. Love is sweet oo!

She can be so sweet, and she is so worth it every time. She can put us in a trance — no matter how many times we are bitten by her, we find our way right back at her feet, submitting ourselves to being vulnerable and out of our own control — why? Because love is addictive and although one might not work out, we have hope the next one will, or the one after that, or maybe the one after that.

Every relationship you encounter may not be for you but there will always be a lesson to be learned. How you take that lesson and apply it to your life will determine your happiness.

It can be difficult to turn a positive into a negative, but it is important to understand that in order for someone to love you wholly and unconditionally, you must love yourself first. The reward of loving yourself is so much more than the pain of someone breaking your heart. I’m a strong believer of: the energy you give out is what you attract. You can determine the person you are going to be and the energy you attract. In loving yourself, you attract love from others, and then you will feel it so much more.

We are conditioned to love love and that’s a beautiful thing. Afterall if we don’t have love in our lives, what do we really have?