The Easy Trick That Will Boost Your Confidence
By: Matthew Prince
Tags: Self Improvement, Life, Life Lessons, Motivation, Confidence

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

When it comes to confidence, some of us didn't seem to be born with it. Even as an adult, I could hardly walk into a room full of people or talk to anyone while looking into their eyes. That affected every part of my life. It affected the places I go, the people I talked to or visited, and the goals I pursue.

We must believe in the task to even get started. Lack of confidence in our ability to accomplish the task or skepticism in the task’s worthwhileness is tantamount to creating a path to failure. As Henry Ford said, “whether you think you can or think you can’t you are right”. Lack of confidence, fear, or anxiety brings about a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fear of failure makes you fail, and failure makes you fear. And the loop continues.

A common denominator among outstanding leaders of any generation is their confidence. They smell confidence, they talk “confidence”, they walk “confidence”. I mean It is so conspicuous.

If you are like me, you know how it is like to not have the courage to pitch that idea of yours to a boss or how it’s like to lack the confidence to walk up to a beautiful girl at the party. You have been staring at her. Your eyes meet. She smiles at you. Your heart skips a beat. You know you should walk up to her and say hi but you second guess. “What if she wasn’t smiling at me? what if she yells and creates a scene? What if the roof collapses? What if… what if… what if?“

The ”what-ifs” paralyzes you and you probably missed out on a dream girl or an opportunity to even try.

There is a way out.

Become inverse-paranoid.

This is a technique I learned from Jack Canfield, a self-help coach. Inverse paranoia is the opposite of paranoia as the name suggests. While paranoia is a tendency towards irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others, Inverse-paranoia is a belief that everyone is working towards your good. Mother nature designed our brains to keep us out of danger and any threatening situation. Our brain is risk-averse. Therefore, we are more likely to stay away from an activity, even though the gains outweigh the risk.

Being inverse paranoid is swimming against the tide of our cognitive bias of risk aversion. Here is how to use inverse paranoia.

If you want to ask my boss for a raise, assume he is going to say yes. Assume it’s a perfect time. Assume the company is doing great instead of raising imaginary objections like, the company is struggling, the economy is bad, today is a busy day, etc. It’s a yes until you get a no.

If you want to ask for a friend’s camera, assume his reply is a yes instead of assuming he wants to use it at the exact moment you need it. It’s a yes until you get a no.

If you want to woo a pretty lady, assume she is single and looking forward to a handsome guy like you talking to her instead of making unnecessary negative presumptions. It’s a yes until you get a no.

If you want to pitch your next writing piece, assume the editor is just looking for your piece in his magazine or blog instead of finding excuses not to send the pitch. Remember, it’s a yes until you get the rejection.

You miss 100% of the shorts you do not take.

The fear of failure cripples our confidence. When we learn to embrace failure as the stepping stone and a necessary curve in our route to success, we act more confidently.

The fastest way to be more confident is to stop negative assumptions and become inverse paranoid. We must realize that our assumptions are a subjective judgment of reality. Do not assume your article is not up to par for that big publication. Do not assume your boss will see your hard work and reward you- ask for the raise. Do not assume the pretty lady doesn’t want to be disturbed. Do not assume you are not good enough. Go for want you want and expect to win.

As a side note, as good as it is to be confident and charismatic, confidence does not solve all our problems. We all have our good and bad days. Sometimes we don’t feel like showing up. Sometimes we have doubts and that's ok — these doubts are part of what makes us humans. Sometimes we can’t quite the doubting voice that tries to put us down, telling us we are not good enough and can’t achieve much more. And sometimes we take rejection personally. We can’t let all that keep us from keeping on. True confidence is realizing that no matter the outcome, you’d be able to handle it, learn from it, and move on stronger.