“It’s Not Safe If You’re A Trans Person”
Tags: LGBTQ, BlackLivesMatter, Equality, Transgender, This Happened To Me

39 trans people have been killed this year as far as we know.

Black trans women are being hunted like deer during hunting season. This the worst year; violence against trans people has skyrocketed. It’s no secret that this has been at least partly fueled by the Trump administration.

Laverne Cox, Emmy nominated actress and activist, was with a friend when they were targeted in a L.A. park. The man asked for the time, then asked if Laverne was a “guy or a girl.” When her friend told him to fuck off, the man started swinging. By the time Cox could grab the police’s attention, the man took off.

“It’s not safe in the world. And I don’t like to think about that a lot, but it’s the truth.” “It’s the truth and it’s not safe if you’re a trans person. Obviously, I know this well. It’s just really sad.” — Laverne Cox

Being a black, trans man, I’m constantly watching my back.

Even though I’m in a city that’s considered safe and has LGBTQ pride flags and BLM signs all over, I know I’m never going to be completely safe. I take Ginger for walks in the park, and I get nervous about putting my hood over my head even though it’s freezing outside.

I always get a bag and receipt in a store, even if I only bought a drink. I always ask if an associate needs to check my bags if I brought something in with me or if I grabbed prescriptions before I checked out. I pay special attention to my surroundings when I’m out. To some, this might seem like overkill, but it's taught to black and brown kids at a young age.

I don’t hide that I’m trans, but I don’t broadcast it either. All of my doctors, nurses, and dialysis techs all call me Brian even though my name isn’t legally changed yet.

It’s weird to navigate. My past always seems like it’s on my heels. Recently, I found out that I’ll have to wait until after I get a kidney transplant to have top surgery. My original plan was to have top surgery and then get my name and gender marker legally changed.

The waitlist for a kidney in Michigan is about 5–7 years long. The time starts on the day you begin dialysis. I have about a year and a half under my belt. That’s still an excruciating amount of time. One of my nurses suggested to also be added to the transplant list in Toledo since it’s so close.

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As I continue on my transition journey, I become more and more uneasy out in public.

Testosterone has given my face a more masculine shape and my beard is starting to come in. I’m even growing a mustache and my voice is deeper. Testosterone might have even made my hair texture more curly, but I’m not sure.

I love the changes that are happening, but I also realize what position it puts me in. Being recognized as a man gives me certain privileges I’m not used to yet. However, being recognized as a black man puts me in more danger. Despite the news of another black life being stolen plastered on social media daily, I can’t shy away. So I take a deep breath, hold my head high, and take it one step at a time.

Trans people are targeted and discriminated against in almost every aspect of life from social events to the workforce. There are even bills circulating about what bathrooms we’re allowed to use and if it should be legal to deny us a job or housing simply because we’re trans.

Gatekeepers withhold proper medical care as if a lack of knowledge and empathy in the medical field aren’t enough to fight against. In some states, the hoops to jump through just to secure hormone replacement therapy are simply outrageous — especially in the southern states like Alabama.

All of these brutal, horrifying truths are the main reasons why the average life expectancy of a trans person is 35 years.

I’m 23 right now. By the time I get a kidney transplant, I might be 28–30. That leaves 5 years. Just think about that for a moment. The average life expectancy is 78 years, which is a 43-year difference.

“Over 41 percent of trans men and women are estimated to have attempted suicide — a rate that’s nearly nine times as high as the rate of cisgender Americans.” — Psychology Today

I happen to be in this 41%. When you look at everything trans people are up against, it’s easy to see why a lot of us would think suicide is the only option. Living in a world where a lot of people don’t want us to exist is like carrying a humongous log on our shoulders everywhere.

It’s not safe, but we carry on anyway — one step at a time.