What is in a name?
Tags: Names, Parenting, Baby Naming Ceremony, New Born

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

The birth of a child is an important event in the life of the parents and extended family. But I wonder what people’s experiences have been in choosing names for their kids. I have never thought about this until quite recently, when a discussion with a friend prompted me to have further talks with different people to get their take on the issue.

I am not sure about other parts of the world but I know that in Africa in general, a child-naming ceremony is an important event where family members gather to decide what name a newborn will carry for the rest of their lives. I come from a tribe in Cameroon called Nso and people generally name children based on what they wish them to become in future or based on experiences surrounding the child’s birth. The practice of the latter, resulted in some very awkward names that alluded to feuds, insults and downright curses that seemed to follow these children everywhere. People know better now and tend to name their children with celebration and thanksgiving in mind.

During my father’s childhood, the missionaries were building churches everywhere and converting the village folk. The church was very instrumental and important in people’s lives and they brought and led education. I realised those born in the 1920s, 1930s, 1940s and to some extent 1950s have biblical and Roman sounding names like Anastasia, Aloysius, Aurelius, Cornelius, Euphrasia, Evaristus, Damian, Januarius, Julius, Ignatius, Sixtus, Leviticus, Lucius, Octavius, Pius, Romanus, Thaddeus among others. Most of their names were given at baptism and if their parents could not choose, the priest would decide for them. In some areas, people’s surnames were changed to English names as local names were seen as ‘heathen’. That was the sacrifice people had to make to become christians according to some Western missionaries. Others took on English surnames to fit in or because it was en mode during 1950s and 1960s.

In West African countries such as Cote d’Ivoire, Ghana and Togo, they have a unique child naming tradition — naming children based on what day they were born. If they are twins, then some cultures have a name for the twin who comes first and another for the second twin. My parents gave me an English first name ‘Pamela’ because at the time of my birth, they had a good family friend called Pamela. Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers did give me a name but with my tribe being patrilineal, only my paternal grandmother’s choice was included on my birth certificate. She named me ‘Dzelamonyuy’, which means there is none like God. You can read further testimonials here from people around the world on what events, or family circumstances led to their names and how this has manifested in their lives.

I am rather superstitious about naming a child because I believe it follows that child throughout their life and defines the choices they make.

Trevor Noah in his book ‘Born a Crime’, talks about why his mother named him Trevor. She said she wanted to give him a name that did not mean anything so that he could go out to the world and define his own path. Trevor also mentions that his mother’s Xhosa name meant something to the effect of someone who takes care of everyone and throughout her life, that is what she did for her entire family. He also talks of his mother’s brother whose name loosely translated to being useless and this uncle of his was always drunk from dusk till dawn. Trevor did indeed make his mark in the world and followed his own destiny.

Halle Berry was named after a department store in Cleveland because at the time, it was a major landmark in the city. Perhaps, Halle’s parents wanted their daughter to be just as grand as this building and now look at what Halle is today — a celebrated movie star worldwide.

It is understandable to have the need to name a child after a loved one such as our parents or role models but I think that the demise of what was their lives could become the child’s. The founding father of Ghana — Kwame Nkrumah named his two sons after great African leaders — Sekou Nkrumah is named after Sekou Toure of Guinea Conakry and Gamal Nkrumah after the Egyptian president Gamal Abdel Nasser. I love my parents and their parents before them and understand the importance of family legacy. However, I do believe that the family surname suffices in passing on the family legacy instead of naming the child ‘my father junior’ or ‘me junior’ for a first name. I think this binds a child’s future too closely to the experiences of the person who held the name before them.

During a debate on this topic with an acquaintance, he mentioned his children must bear both his parents’ names because he made a promise to honour them in this way. I asked him this: what if his future wife came with a similar request; how will this be settled then? He replied that the children did not need to bear their mother’s parents names because their mother will always be their mother. I told him that he too would lose nothing for the children to be named after his wife’s parents as he will always be their father. Then he retorted: ‘But that is not how it works, the man decides’. I disagreed and felt that as a woman, if I carried a child for 9 months, then in the very least, I should be at the decision table on what they will be called.

Women birth children and yes, I understand the men contribute in giving them life. That umbilical cord means a lot you know and afterall, don’t the children get to bear their father’s surname? Grandparents play an instrumental role in naming the children in most cultures but I would reserve that for a middle name and the grandparents can name to their heart’s content. But as regards the first name, I would put it in the mother’s remit unless it has been agreed by the couple or child’s parents that the father, or a particular family member/friend do the honour.

The argument did not end there. We debated how children can be named if the couple come from different cultures or tribes. I proposed that in the interest of being equal; if the man gave the first name, then the surname can be double-barrelled to link the mother’s surname to his. If not, then the first name should be from the mother’s culture as the surname is the father’s name anyways. But I soon realised that people are not always as progressive as they think they are.

I asked this gentleman why he thought the mother should be given very little say in the children’s naming? How is it that you bear a child and nothing in their name links them to you and is all about one of a couple being dominant? While some women might not be bothered about this state of affairs, I feel strongly that children’s identity should reflect both parents cultural background. Obviously, this is not a discussion to be had when people hail from the same place but there might be issues on whether the man’s or woman’s parents should be given the honour of naming the children. This aspect of the discussion needs to be had.

Personally, I reserve the honour of giving any child I bear their first name because I want them to go into the future free from expectations from me or anyone else. I want them to have new names that define them and give them the opportunity to live their lives without the ghosts of the past hovering over their every move.

Maybe a spouse loved a parent so dearly and lost them early and would want to keep the memory of that parent alive through their child. Clearly very honourable and well-intentioned but on the flipside, it could also not be such a great idea to saddle a newborn with this. Why should a newborn carry the burden of another life cut short? I think they deserve better and I am not angling for everyone to agree with me on this. Life goes on and we need to keep it moving.

Some will argue I am a feminist for thinking this way but from where I am standing, it has absolutely nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with enabling a child have a full identity. Won’t you want your child to be recognised as being a part of where you come from? This can only happen if their surname or first name identifies them as such. Middle names are often buried in documents and seldom ever used as identifiers by the people who know us. What better moniker than with a name? If their father is from another part of the world and they only have names from that part, they will be treated as strangers by the mother’s part of the world and will need to explain themselves, to prove they belong there. A first name or surname would have clarified this and spared them this explanation.

Choosing names for children can be a divisive issue especially if not discussed beforehand. I think a couple should have this discussion while in courtship to understand where they each stand on this. You do not want to have a baby before dealing with it. You end up with a hospital registrar not being able to do his/her job as the mother warns: “If you put that bloody name on my child’s birth certificate, you will have me to answer to.” The father comes in and delivers his own warning: “No one names my child except for me”.

Ensure that this won’t be you.

There is power in a name. It is history, a family tree and most importantly, it is an identity. It has to be done right. Sort out the name before the name sorts you out.

I am interested in how children are named in your part of the world. In your opinion, how should it be done or how you did it? Share your views in the comments section below.