Why I Don’t Say I’m Divorced
By: Elle Silver
Tags: Divorce, Life Lessons, Relationships, Self, Love

I don’t always feel like taking the time and energy to make sure everyone has the current 411 on my relationship status.

Often I just don’t want to be bothered with having to bare my dirty laundry to every single person I hardly know. Bare myself online, sure. That’s on my terms, when I’m in the mood, and I get to control the conversation. Really, it’s not a conversation; it’s a monologue. Odd as that may seem, it’s easier to write about my divorce for strangers than it is to be honest about it to acquaintances. This is nothing new. I think a lot of writers find it easier to publish their bloodiest truths than to talk about them with people they know in real life.

I don’t always feel like taking the time and energy to make sure everyone has the current 411 on my relationship status — especially with people I barely know, and that goes for the drivers of app-based ride services such as Uber and Lyft, which is exactly what happened recently.

Last month, I had just flown home from the East Coast. It was a long flight with a stopover. Add to the stress, I had flown with my two sons. We were back on the ground, but we weren’t home yet. We still had forty-five minutes on a jam-packed freeway until we finally arrived home. Ride service secured, I was looking forward to staring numbly out the window to wonder at the smog and all the traffic and maybe to have some deep epiphany about why the hell I still live in Los Angeles.

My youngest son had a different plan. He wanted to talk to the driver. While it was cute that my nine-year-old son was chatting up a storm with this woman, he was also sharing too much information about our family.

He referred a lot to his dad, and that prompted the driver to ask questions of me. If I thought I was going to have some revelation about why I continue to live in this big, ugly city, that was not going to happen.

The driver kept referring to my kids’ father as “your husband.” What does your husband do? Does your son look more like you or like your husband? Et cetera.

Because I didn’t feel like getting into the gritty details of my personal life with someone I would probably never see again once this ride was over, I didn’t correct her. That’s when my son decided to bring up how the driver looked a lot like my ex-husband’s current girlfriend.

“What a mess,” the driver said. “Oh, did I say that?” She giggled.

“I’m actually not with their father anymore,” I said.

“Mmmmm-hmmmm.”

Whatever. I didn’t appreciate her judgment, but it was also my fault for not correcting her from the get-go.

Sue me if I hadn’t felt like getting into my divorce with my kids in the car.

What can I say? I was tired. I wanted to get through rush-hour traffic after a long flight, now crammed in the backseat of a compact car with my two kids, without having to discuss my personal life. It really wasn’t any of the driver’s business anyhow, but here my son had spoken up. How can I blame him? He’s just a kid, and I’m proud of how outgoing and confident he is talking with adults.

But I wonder: is the takeaway that I should start immediately telling every single person I come into contact with: I’m divorced!

Because this confusion thing is getting old.

So let this be your warning: I’m divorced!