The ‘liberation’ of Saudi women, a good thing?
By: Sebastian Farmborough
Tags: Womens Liberation, Middle East, Saudiwomen, Freedom, Saudi Arabia

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the ongoing women’s liberation movement in Saudi Arabia. I expect at this point that the feminists amongst you are lining up to throttle me. Nevertheless, I cannot help but feel that young Saudi women today are frenetically charging out into a sea of proposed liberation without truly knowing what may lie beneath.

Undoubtedly, the new opportunities they are being presented with and the enhanced personal freedom that they now enjoy are enormously welcome. However, is liberation entirely synonymous with happiness? Are they fully aware of the potential dangers, drawbacks and consequences of such a drastic change in lifestyle?

Upon moving to the kingdom from my native home of England in 2003 I can recall being greatly impacted by the sheer size of Saudi families, together with how incredibly close-knit they were. Couples were often matched and married in their late teens or early twenties and subsequently the average number of children was much higher than I had been accustomed to; about 6 or 7, with plenty of examples of even larger families. I felt so envious, coming from a family of just 3 children. Their dynamic seemed so loving, so synergetic and I could feel the strength of their bonds.

Contrary to this, today, if you talk to young Saudis, both male and female, most will tell you that they are in no rush to get married and be tied down by children. They just want to have fun and enjoy their new found freedom. While, there may be little harm in doing so in the short-term, the trouble with being young is that you think you have a lot more time than you actually do. For men, delaying marriage might be more possible, but for women their biological clocks are ticking and in Saudi the pressure on them is even higher as men typically prefer to marry younger women. Perhaps this tendency will change somewhat, but what if it does not? Should a Saudi woman delay marriage too long, she may look back on this period of liberation with regret.

An increasing number of Saudi women are opting to live alone these days. Being completely independent, especially when you are young is hard. People are constantly trying to cheat you, seduce you and take advantage of your naivety, and I would imagine that for a woman it can be even more difficult. For many Saudi women coming from the love, comfort and protection of their family home this must represent quite a brutal adjustment. I remember meeting a young Saudi woman whose dream it was to move to London. She eventually achieved it, but the first thing that she said to me was: “I really miss my driver and my maid.” So I asked her if freedom was what she had thought it was and she replied: “No!” Having said this, surviving on your own can be enormously rewarding as it builds true character.

Being independent can pose an immense financial burden on the individual. If I compare myself with my male Saudi friends, who worked and continued to live at home until they had saved enough to be able to get married and provide their wives with homes. They have far greater financially security because of it.

Something which struck me when I first arrived in the kingdom was how feminine, gentle and innocent young Saudi women were. Women in the West have to mature quickly and toughen up so that they can deal with how men might treat them in the street and in order to be taken seriously at work. In doing so, some become quite masculine, which I find is a pity as they have lost a little of the essence of what makes them a woman. This is likely to happen here too and particularly when it comes to driving as the streets of Saudi Arabia are so aggressive. When women were finally permitted to drive I was hopeful that they were going to show the men how it should be done. Unfortunately, it has not turned out that way, with many of them adopting the same bad habits that are all too common with their male counterparts.

Saudi women do not work as cleaners, strippers or prostitutes, although for many women in the West, this is their reality, they have little choice. Often being single mothers, they are desperate just to make ends meet. As the cost of living rises and the competition for jobs increases, Saudi women may find themselves having to do some of the more unpleasant jobs out of pure necessity, at which point they will realise that working just to pay bills is not at all enjoyable or liberating.

The sexual objectification of women is already becoming noticeable in Saudi with businesses starting to utilise their employees’ gender or sexuality to attract more customers. Food trucks are a good example of this as they often employ females to run them, knowing full well that they will draw in young men. It is reasonably mild at the moment, but how far will this go? In Ecuador they have half naked women in hot pants filling up your tank at the petrol station. In Peru you can see them outside restaurants, trying to entice potential customers. Initially, I thought I had stumbled across the red light district, but no, they were just seafood restaurants. Is that what the liberation of women means? Do they honestly feel liberated? Surely if they decided that they no longer wanted to expose themselves, they would be out of a job. Eventually, Saudi women too may begin to be subjected to these kinds of pressures. Albeit, nowhere near as extreme.

Undeniably, women’s bodies are very attractive and alluring. Be that as it may, what I have grown to appreciate about more conservatively dressed women is that you listen carefully to what they have to say. You are less inclined to become distracted by their shape. You get to know them properly, valuing them for who they are and not purely what they look like. I think that is a much healthier approach when trying to find a long-term partner.

In a more liberal society men are typically less committed to women, simply because they do not need to be. I have met lots of couples in the West that have been living together for many years without actually being married. Often you can see in the woman’s eyes that she would love to be, but her man is content with the way things are, not wanting to be completely tied down. Here, in order to truly be with a woman, a man has to get married and for that he has to put down quite a substantial amount of money. The good thing about this is that it ensures the seriousness of his intentions. I am certain that there are Western women out there that would prefer this.

Prior to returning to Saudi in 2016 I lived in Chile where women are intensely independent. I found it sad, because I came across an abundance of unmarried women in their late 30s. They work and live on their own, often have a dog or a cat that they treat as their child. To me, they seemed lonely and depressed. Surely they would be much happier in a family setting. I recall that one of the first things my Chilean girlfriend said to me was: “I will never wash or iron your clothes and I don’t like cooking.” I was a bit taken aback by it, but could understand that it was born out of her desire to be unlike her mother. I do not mind doing my fair share of domestic duties and I enjoy cooking, but I could not help but feel that if you genuinely love and respect someone, it is only natural for you to want to do things for them, whatever those things may be. The majority of Saudi households still have maids, although the costs associated with doing so have increased significantly in recent years and are likely to continue doing so. One day, Saudi couples may face a similar dilemma to that of my Chilean girlfriend and I.

In the past in Saudi Arabia, male and female roles were clearly defined. However, with more and more women working these days, the dynamic within Saudi marriages is changing rapidly. The increased cost of living has become quite burdensome for the man, who is customarily expected to cover all of the expenses associated with the household. I have witnessed a growing frustration amongst my male Saudi friends regarding their wives’ lack of financial contribution. At present, many Saudi women may enjoy the best of both worlds; being looked after and at the same time having their own income to spend as they please. Though, this is unlikely to last. Owning a home has become rather expensive and I foresee that it is only a matter of time before it is more customary for both the husband and the wife to contribute. After all, exactly the same transition occurred in the West only two generations ago.

Instagram and Snapchat form an enormous component of the rapid liberalisation of Saudi Arabia and this is particularly evident among the younger generations of Saudis. Regrettably, many young Saudi women have become quite arrogant, they chop off their lovely black hair or dye it different colours, many now use excessive amounts of makeup and even resort to plastic surgery. And all in the name of gaining popularity on social media. It saddens me really, because they used to be so genuine and they are naturally very beautiful. I observed something similar in Chile, many of the women there were so affected by American culture and wanted to look like their favourite Hollywood stars. At least with makeup it can be removed, but with plastic surgery they are disfiguring themselves for life. To my mind, a woman is most attractive when she accentuates who she actually is. Better to be an original than a poor imitation.

I also find that many of the younger generations of Saudi women have become quite selfish, materialistic and less family oriented, preferring to spend their time with their friends, getting dressed up and posing around town. Many are obsessed with meaningless designer brands and showing off. What is more, they are far more concerned with finding a rich man as a potential suitor rather than a man that genuinely loves and respects them. To illustrate this; yesterday I saw a Saudi man ask a young woman for her phone number, to which she replied: “Your car doesn’t deserve me giving you my number.” Quite the antithesis from the female Saudi journalist that invited me out for coffee in 2004. When the bill came she said: “I am always going to pay, because I don’t want you to ever regret meeting me.” Wow, that left quite an impression.

Hopefully, having read all of the above there are not quite as many feminists out there ready to lynch me. I honestly believe that when the young Saudi women of today are lying on their deathbeds they are not going to be wishing that they had been more popular on social media, that they had bought themselves more unnecessary things, or even that they had had more plastic surgery. In fact, they may ultimately discover that the sea of liberation, which presented itself before them was in reality a little murkier than they first anticipated. I only hope that arriving at that conclusion will not have cost them the opportunity of having and raising their own loving family.