Powerless
By: Esti Dhamayanti
Tags: Powerlessness, Covid 19, True Story, Vulnerability, Patience

Powerless

As we all know that we are still battling with an invisible enemy which has been invading the majority of countries in the world for the recent year. Society might be already fed up with horrifying news that showers us every single day through the radio, podcast, and social media about the escalation of new cases and also the number of reported death which already reached around 1,5 million people in total around the world. At the same time some people, however, seems does not care about the detrimental effect of this ‘assassin’ on their health and their surrounding.

Image Source: twitter.com

I can say that last month the most challenging time for me in my whole life so far. In this story, I want to tell you about what I learn in the sequence of adversity for about a half month.

My parents were two new cases of COVID-19 in the middle of November 2020. I have anticipated it approximately 5–3 days after my father showed mild symptoms. My mother got severe symptoms of this virus she got high fever, headache, and cough for 5 days. At first, my mother did not want to go to the hospital because she scared of COVID-19, while it was evident to me that she already got that virus. Until in the middle of the night, I and my father had to rush her into the intensive care unit (ICU) when she said she cannot take it any more. Her oxygen level drop below 80% at that night.

Surely, it was a very hard early morning situation as well as a new experience for me to let my mother had intensive care at the hospital, and it did not stop there. My father’s COVID-19 symptoms were getting worse after my mother hospitalized maybe he was stressed and also we heard the news that my uncle in law from my Father’s side passed away because of this disease. At first, my father did not want to get the PCR test of COVID-19, I assumed that he had the same reason as my mother or maybe because he was consumed by the broadcast messages on WhatsApp. Moreover, he also became the one who asked my mother to decline the rapid test a day before she hospitalized. Eventually, he agreed to get tested.

Sadly, the result of the PCR here in the town I live quite slow and costly. So you can imagine waiting in uncertainty whether what you feel in your body is from the virus or other diseases. My father’s test result came after 4 days and as I expected, he got a strong positive result.

Again, he insists that he wanted to do the self-isolation rather than hospitalized, yet he was continually vomiting and coughing. It was horrifying to hear that almost every 3 hours. I was frustrated because I could not do anything for him. Until about 4 days or more than that, he decided that he wanted to hospitalize because he could not bear the stomach pain.

Unfortunately, all the hospitals in Bogor were fully occupied at that time. I was confused and even though I called the local government hospital, its procedure is very complicated and long. I am afraid that my father cannot be saved because he was getting weaker day by day. Luckily there was one doctor from the public health centre in my area to help me find an isolation room for my father at the same hospital as my mother. I guess she did that because one of her co-workers told her that she (co-worker) saw me panicked and confused when reporting my father and mother condition and needed help immediately.

The stress level of last month series of ‘test’ escalated because I have to ‘divided’ myself between work (I have to write the main topic on the magazine I work for) and taking care of my parents’ need at the hospital (I have to go to the hospital almost every day for almost 3 weeks).

Indeed, I am not that strong as you might think when we already met. I cried a lot for a week, for instance at home when my mother called my father to take care of me and my brother because she had a critical condition. I also sobbed in front of the emergency room when I have to rush my father there 2 hours before I have to start a Live at Poultry Indonesia’s Instagram (NgoPI).

”So, surely with hardship comes ease” (Quran 94:5)

Furthermore, I was feeling powerless, because I did not know how to take care of them and even met my parents for almost 3 weeks. That series of events, however, helped me to understand and practice how to let go things happened as what it is already written down before human born and things that I have, such as my savings to continue study for a master’s degree that I already planned for next year. It also helps me to train my mind to stay calm in the high-pressure condition.

The most important thing is that to help me realized that in that unfortunate situation, I can only ask for strength, patience, health, and recovery for my family and I to the one who creates this universe. The most powerful, generous, and compassionate who never hesitate to help every human as long as they pray and always be grateful for what they have and face, even in the hardship.

Fortunately, my parents are healthy now. They were dismissed from the hospital a week ago and today my father can do his daily activity at his car-workshop like before the virus intruding his body a month ago.