Adventures with Microdosing
By: A Peek Behind The Curtain Of Consciousness
Tags: Psychedelics, Lsd, Microdosing

I’m terrified of LSD — not because I fear it, but because I respect it … and maybe because I fear it a little.

There is this misconception that psychedelics are this fun, fantasy world experience. I’m not saying they can’t be, but when you take them with the intent of self-reflection and exploration, they will, to put it bluntly, knock you on your ass and drag you through hell.

But if you’re wise enough to integrate the experience into your everyday life when it’s all over, they can give you great perspective and serve as the catalyst for making the changes necessary to grow.

It is because of this deep respect for this substance that I have not taken “heroic” doses. I’m 105 lbs and taking one tab at a time seems, well it seems like a lot. I have taken half a tab, waited a few hours, and then taken a second-half tab, and even that has been more intense than I had expected.

This is precisely why I chose to approach this drug incrementally. That, and because I heard of the trend in Silicon Valley known as “microdosing.”

Dr. James Fadiman wrote one of the most essential books of all time in regards to the exploration of these substances, The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide: Safe, Therapeutic, and Sacred Journeys.

Research on psychedelics was brought to a screeching halt around 1962, something that could be blamed, at least partially on Timothy Leary’s cavalier attitude about it. Fadiman felt it necessary to write a book about safe practice when experimenting, understanding all too well that people would continue to obtain and use regardless of the government’s reclassification of Lysergic acid diethylamide as a schedule one substance — something is given to drugs the government claims “serve no medicinal purpose,” just as they claim with cannabis.

LSD was created and synthesized in a lab by Swiss chemist, Albert Hofmann. In 1943, he discovered its psychedelic properties when he accidentally ingested some while working in a lab and had a most curious bike ride home. That epic ride is now commemorated on April 19th each year and dubbed “Bicycle Day.”

Acid is not a plant medicine strictly speaking, but it has a close connection to “ergot,” rye fungus that has accounted for mass levels of hysteria in medieval times.

James Fadiman’s appearance on Tim Ferriss’s podcast is truly what piqued my interest in trying psychedelics, even before I ever used MDMA.

Where the 1960s had been filled with the attitude of “the more the merrier,” Silicon Valley and tech types were starting to “microdose” the substance. Instead of ingesting a tab or two at a time, many would cut one tab into sixths, taking only a sliver every few days.

The site, The Third Wave, launched giving curious individuals a guide in how to productively and safely experiment with microdosing while also providing a forum to share their experiences.

The effects were extreme productivity, kind of like Adderall but with less anxiety — note I didn’t say without anxiety altogether. In small doses, the user doesn’t see visuals, but the sky might seem a little bluer than it did the day before. And, most importantly, when taken on a strict schedule— 1/6th of a tab every three days, for seven-10 weeks–– it creates dramatic improvements to a user's mental health. This is what led me to experimentation.

Fadiman spoke of microdosing and its potential, I also read a book by a legal scholar and your average mother and housewife called, A Really Good Day: How Microdosing Made a Mega Difference in My Mood, My Marriage, and My Life, chronicling her experience dealing with depression using microdosing.

I had already rolled. But I knew that was different. I was too scared to trip fully but in desperate need of something to curb my depression. I had weened myself off Klonopin and Lexipro, both without doctor approval. I saw more negative effects than positive ones while on these drugs, increased suicidal thoughts being one particularly unseemly side effect.

On July 6th, 2017, I had tried, unsuccessfully, to take my own life. On July 29th, I had my first roll, dramatically improving my mental state, but it would not last forever. On September 11th, 2017, I took my first microdose.

If I did not intend to stay anonymous, I would share the video diary I kept of each use does the first few months. That, however, would defeat the purpose of using a pseudonym.

By September I was back to battling depression, though not as intensely as my pre-MDMA days.

My first microdose was anticlimactic. I had a friend babysit me … just in case things went poorly. I felt a little “tingly.” I didn’t see anything. But a switch had been flipped. There was the tiniest sliver of hope born of that tiny slice of paper. I wasn’t as euphoric as MDMA. But a negative thought was met with my inner dialogue saying, “Hey, maybe things aren’t so bad!”

It was, to quote the book’s title, “a really good day.”

I continued the regiment of one day on, two days off, for ten weeks. By the end of the ten weeks, I was different. I had taken baby steps into working through my depression because it put a bit of a filter in things. “I don’t want to live” thoughts were replaced with “You know, life kind of sucks right now, but maybe tomorrow could be better? You don’t want to miss out on finding out for sure do you?”

I am, a lover of substances and moderation is not my strong suit. Eventually, sticking to my strict regiment became “Well it’s Saturday, I’ll take a sliver every few hours.”

I’m not going to lie to you, I don't think this decision was necessarily the wrong one. Acid is a bit of an upper, so on the weekends, when I was alone thinking about my failed life, I’d take a few slivers a day and “dance it out.” Sometimes I’d do what Carl Jung called “Shadow Work.” Overall, my experience was positive. It served as an anti-depressant when I was hesitant to use any. It took away my suicidal thoughts. And gave me a bigger appreciation for the world around me. In fact, one of my most popular articles was written while microdosing.

It even helped me see through the bullshit. As I mentioned earlier, I had an extremely abusive boss living next door. When he tried to manipulate me into helping him stage a coup to get a few collègues fired without just cause. What would have previously been fear of disobeying this man turned into skepticism and bravery. I saw through his manipulation, I saw him unmasked. This eventually led me to report his actions and protect myself and others.

I have yet to meet anyone who has had a negative experience while microdosing.

… Tripping, even with just half a tab of a strong acid, however, is a different story altogether. We will get there.