The progress of my Standstill
Tags: Assumptions, Dreams, Improvement, New Year, Covid-19

In December 2019, my cousin from Mexico came to visit Virginia for the first time and see how it was. She stayed here for about two months, long enough to see some sights of snow and attractions around Virginia, Maryland, and Washington DC. During this time, there were no regulations about a time you cannot go outside, how many people you can be around with, or to what distance you are allowed to see other humans but cannot physically touch them with your bare hands, or the law that you have to wear a mask when being outside in public places. These were the great times where my grades were A’s. I had no health problems besides a knee injury from playing soccer, and it was an excellent start for 2020 until February/March where the world came to a standstill.

It is now December 2020 with the new “normal,” and today, I woke up at 12:30 with an unusual feeling. Last night I had a dream where I was in this world that did not acknowledge my success and started making fun of me for being intelligent. Therefore later in the dream, I found a door to another dimension where I was approved and loved. In this new dimension, I was not allowed to go outside and look at the beautiful nature because I would be seized away by those who “envied me” if they found out an intellectual being entered into their world. Being in the new world made me want to go back to the old one where I would get my freedom back but be criticized by people who didn’t want me. After I officially woke up and had breakfast (more like lunch from how late I had woken up), I looked up critical things from the dream and determined that the dream I had meant it symbolized deception and issues of belonging and acceptance. That is where I started thinking about who disagreed with my success, realizing “who” was me.

During this whole stay at home situation, I only see a few accomplishments and many disappointments. Let me start with the negative things. My anxiety levels went up, making me more nervous and overthinking every hour about a different something. The family has all gone their separate ways, and I am no longer in Communication with them. All my academic habits of studying and not procrastinating, personal habits of healthy eating and being active, gone. I have given up my passion for sports. My personality of laughing, smiling, and socializing 24/7 left without me noticing. Now I am a sensitive teenager by crying for every reason. This daughter is somewhat traumatized and neglected by her parents, judging her plans and motives every day because they do not understand what is going on in their child’s mind. Moving on to the accomplishments- staying home not being able to go to the local library and volunteer a few hours, I have managed to start earning a few cents and dollars little by little online, also have babysat a few times and went to work with my mother to help out. I have fixed my sleeping schedule to wake up better in the mornings with the help of meditation. My organization has been better because I take the time to clean and fix what’s uneven and throw out unnecessary papers. I’ve successfully taken out all the toxic and bothering people in my life and have only kept the few that I know are there for me and help positively, including making new friends that make me laugh and share interests. I have learned more about taking care of my skin and knowing what to put on my face to help it look younger and maintain that hydration. This year I’ve decided to start physical therapy and give my knee a chance to try to recover. I go outside more than I used to by going places with friends, even if it is just going to a field or taking a walk. Not shopping as much has made me save more money and choose wisely what to spend it on.

Soon 2021 will come allowing opening and fixing things. In January, The elected president will officially become the 46th president of the United States, a vaccine will be put out to contain the coronavirus, schools will start letting some students come back, and I will return for classes. I can create better habits and regain all that was lost. I have hope that this new year will be beneficial, allowing everyone’s life to get back together; I know this quarantine has matured me and given me the realization, it will be time to put them in use shortly.