Holding Loved Ones in a Time of Fear
By: Joseph Serwach
Tags: Relationships, Health, Better Living, Community, Coronavirus

Holding Loved Ones in a Time of Fear

Hold Tight — Don’t Touch in the Coronavirus Era

I advise people I care about to hold the railing in case they slip while going downstairs. My bride isn't taking my loving advice because she doesn't want to risk catching germs. Photo by Joseph Serwach.

CHICAGO — “Hold tight,” I warned as we descended into darkness. Since I tumbled down another flight of stairs recently, it felt like loving advice.

“Hold the railing” is good advice — but in the Coronavirus era, we hear “Touch no one and nothing.”

“I’m not touching that,” my bride answered. Illinois has had a handful of reports of Coronavirus (COVID-19) and we have relatives in Seattle, the national epicenter of the virus, so she’s avoiding this virus like it’s a plague.

She’s not alone: Coronavirus fears dominate global news

In Italy, Masses have been suspended until April 3, including daily and Sunday Masses and funeral Masses. The decision comes after 366 Italians died of the virus. In America, the SXSW conference, a major convening of national thought leaders, was cancelled.

Community means “Common Unity”

It doesn’t feel right isolating ourselves from important human contact when we always seem to need to better know and understand love and relationships. How can I feel right letting my beloved risk falling downstairs because she’s trying to avoid a virus that’s still fairly hard to come by?

Influenza killed 50 million people in a 1918 global epidemic

The biggest fear is a repeat of what occurred a century ago. If another 1918-like epidemic replicated itself in the modern, bigger world that would translate into as many as 250 million dead around the world.

Each year, 34 million Americans catch Influenza — more than 20,000 die. Influenza sounds so much scarier than it’s more commonly used name, “the Flu” but either way, it’s incredibly deadly. Yet, we get our flu shot and generally dismiss it the way we learned to rarely talk about every other threat from nuclear war to terrorism.

But there’s always a new “thing” to dominate the headlines each year: West Nile, SARS, Bird Flu, Ecoli, Swine Flu, Ebola, Zika — the list keeps growing with new threats surfacing each year.

Trading one risk for another?

Every action has some sort of cost. Avoiding the latest virus by not touching the rail means increasing the risk of falling down the stairs. Something gained, something lost.

Caged? Within sight of each other?

“Today’s Angelus prayer is a little strange with the pope ‘caged’ in the library, but I see you, I am close to you,” Pope Francis told smaller crowds via video stream instead of seeing them in person. “The season of Lent helps us all to give an evangelical sense also to this moment of trial and pain.”

Trial and new relationship pain: Shake on it? No! Fist bump

I recently learned why we shake hands: It started as a true sign of peace, to intentionally make yourself vulnerable to attack, to touch hands as a way to prove you had “nothing up your sleeve.”

No weapons, no hidden motives. Right after I learned the loving meaning of this beautiful gesture, men are replacing an open hand with a closed and hardened fist.

“Fist bump,” they tell me. Even a priest did this to me in Chicago.

Sorry, fist-bumping doesn’t make anyone seem vulnerable or open. It makes them seem like they are “bumping” my hand with a rock, letting me know their shields are up to any unwelcome germs I might send their way.

My friends are huggers — shaking hands makes for good manners but we go deeper, making ourselves even more vulnerable — we hug

“What do you think of all this Coronavirus talk?” my MD pal asks:

I think of Fulton Sheen saying “worrying is atheism.” I say if it’s time for me to go to the next level, the Father knows where to find me. This weekend, we got an email from our pastor:

“I have seen ordinary people give into what seems to be unnecessary panic over a virus that 98–99% of infected people will survive,” Father Mathias Thelen wrote. “In fact, it seems that fear and anxiety about the virus is spreading faster than the infection itself. Constantly living in fear and focusing more on physical health than spiritual health is a sign of a far more dangerous spiritual illness.”

We gather each weekend in places of worship to learn more about love

“As Christians, we believe that Jesus has overcome the deadly disease called sin, which infects 100% of people and has a 100% mortality rate to the soul, if not treated… life is short, death is certain and eternity is long,” Thelen added.

Many churches are taking precautions against the illness

Because of the “slightly more dangerous nature of this virus,” my pastor followed a course similar to many churches, announcing upcoming Masses would include an indefinite suspension of:

The greeting before Mass, which is generally considered optional.

Holding hands while saying the “Our Father,” which has never been required by the rubrics of the Mass.

Sign of Peace, which has always been an optional part of the Mass.

Distribution of Holy Communion in the chalice, which also is optional according to the rubrics of the Mass. (As Catholics, Thelen noted, we believe that we receive the full Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus when we receive Communion in one of the two options: the Precious Blood in the chalice or the Body of Christ in the Host. We don’t need to receive both).

He added: “please use common sense per usual when you feel sick: i.e. please don’t cough in hands, if you’re feeling sick, please don’t take Holy Communion from the chalice or shake hands with others, and if you’re really sick, simply stay home and get some rest, etc.”

I understand — but don’t like these precautions

I worry that less handshaking, less hand-holding and less sharing of communal activities like communion from the same chalice and holy water from common fonts are all small examples of humans further isolating themselves from one another, deepening distrust, division, and fear.

“Be at peace, we’re in God’s hands,” Thelen answers. “He loves us and if we stay focused on him, no matter what happens, we win.”