Trump Obsessive Syndrome Appears to be Widespread
By: Bebe Nicholson
Tags: Elections, Humor, Writing, Politics, Satire

Satire/Humor

Trump Obsessive Syndrome Appears to be Widespread

Psychiatrists debate cutting edge therapies

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

When I woke up this morning, I expected my social media feed to be refreshingly free of Trump stories, memes, and one-liners.

I mean, the election is over, right?

So I was surprised to see no fewer than 56 articles with Trump in their headline.

Here are just a few of them:

Left suggests Rounding up Trump supporters and sending them to Siberia Trump supporters vow to form separate state Democrats express amazement that Trump supporters aren’t rioting and burning cities Writers vow to continue writing about Trump as long as they can find funny memes of him on Unsplash

These articles are just the tip of the iceberg. The sheer number of Trump stories one week post-election left me with two options. I could pull my comforter over my head and go back to sleep, hoping the whole thing would be over, or I could investigate this strange phenomenon.

Being the crack reporter that I am, I decided to investigate.

And this is what I discovered.

There is a new psychiatric disorder which is the polar opposite of Trump Derangement Syndrome. TDS, in case you didn’t know, is defined by Wikipedia as a term for criticism or negative reactions to Donald Trump that are perceived to be irrational.

The new disorder, according to the latest and most cutting-edge psychiatric journals, has been dubbed Trump Obsessive Syndrome. It is defined as an obsession, especially among writers, to focus constantly on Trump.

Writers who are victims of this disorder claim they can’t get Trump out of their minds. “It’s like something going round and round in my head,” one writer explained.

When they attempt to write about anything else, they aren’t passionate about it.

“I tried all day to write self-improvement listicles, and I kept seeing the orange man in my dreams. I finally had to give in to the urge and write about him.”

Another writer said, “Trump has provided me with my most successful material. I’ve been accepted to write Trump stories for Gen and Level and Forge, which is a degree of success I never thought to attain. If I stop writing about him, I’m back to self-publishing and getting three views on my stories.”

There is a certain degree of distress that appears to be synonymous with the syndrome. Writers worry that when Trump leaves the White House, they will have to become salespeople or form a failed startup instead of fulfilling their lifelong dream of being writers.

Psychologists are recommending extensive therapy.

“We start out by getting patients to focus on any color except orange,” one doctor explained. Purple and blue are preferable.”

Another doctor said his therapeutic approach involves focus groups. “We have entire sessions where no one is allowed to mention Trump. Every time someone slips up and says his name, they are required to sit in the center of the circle wearing a MAGA hat.

“We expect this syndrome to fade away eventually,” the doctor continued. “But we’re growing concerned. Trump has elicited such an unprecedented level of emotion that it is hard for people to give up those feelings.”

This might be the reason several writer’s groups have gone underground to form a Recount the Ballots initiative.

Members of this underground group insist on remaining anonymous, but their reasoning goes something like this: If we can reverse the results of this election, we are guaranteed to always have something to write about.

But there is hope on the horizon if therapy doesn’t work. Pharmaceutical companies are already racing to come up with a vaccine.