How to Build Habits You Won’t Want to Quit
Tags: Self Care, Productivity, Habits, Journaling, Self Improvement

As our world gets back to whatever will constitute our “new normal”, we may find ourselves yearning to let go of some pesky habits (like binging on Netflix, building our donut aficionado cred, or answering every “ping” on the cellphone). Then there are the habits we’d like to build; those that would get us out in nature more often, focus our time better and help us become healthier versions of ourselves.

Habits are useful. They structure our world. especially when facing the unknown. They make us feel safe. They give us the sense that we control our lives. Some of our everyday habits: daily brushing of teeth, making coffee the same way when we wake up, a morning meditation, journaling, allow us the physical and mental grounding benefits of a ritual. Greeting our co-workers with a cheerful “Good morning”, expressing thanks when someone does us a favor — these may have been habits ingrained in us by parents to ensure a strong and beneficial connection with others. There are countless more beneficial habits. I’m sure you’ve come up with some yourself. Perhaps you’ve been able to build new behaviors that have helped you through the stress and foment of the past 18 months.

Habits and rituals can become lifeboats in times of stress and sudden change. Anything we can commit to, that grounds us in the here and now and encourages us to stay present to our experience — these are habits that strengthen us and build resilience.

We also have habits we want to change. For example, I find myself working to soften my response to interruptions. However, the startled “What?!” is by now, an automatic habit, very off-putting to others, but very difficult to change. I’ve tried mindfulness techniques and meditation in hopes that slowing myself down overall will help me respond more patiently. This works occasionally, but only if the day, to that point, has gone well. Otherwise, I’m back in snapping turtle mode, especially if I am focused, concentrating, and trying to get something done by a deadline.

Then this summer a friend turned me on to the Positive Intelligence program — a grant-funded effort spearheaded by Shirzad Chamine to familiarize professional coaches with a new model to use in building mental fitness in themselves and their clients. I’ve just finished this six-week program, and I was so impressed that I have decided to take on the 12-month training to become certified as a Positive Intelligence Mental Fitness Coach.

Defined simply, Positive Intelligence (PQ) training involves getting very familiar with one’s internal Judge, as well as the habits of mind that allow this Judge too much control. In addition, we have a panoply of Saboteurs — nine of them — who assist this internal Judge in sabotaging our progress in our profession, our relationships, and our internal state of mind. If you’re curious, I invite you to take a free assessment to find out about your saboteurs.

I began the PQ introductory program with some skepticism, but since it was free, what did I have to lose? Then, as I became more adept at tracking my primary (Restless) and secondary (Hyper-Achiever) Saboteurs, I began to see my snapping turtle in a new light: Restless makes sure I am tempted by lots of shiny objects — most of them online, so that I cram my days with way more than I can efficiently handle, thus giving me the sense that I am chronically short on time, while Hyper-Achiever is never satisfied with the daily progress I do make towards my goals and commitments, and she continually spurs me on to take on more and more. It’s a recipe for misery.

Now that I know about these two, however, I can have a little fun. I can look ahead in my day, and predict a Saboteur “hijacking” depending on the task at hand. Then I can apply a few of what Chamine calls the Sage Superpowers: Empathize with self and others, Explore with curiosity, Innovate creative solutions, Navigate options and choose paths that align with my purpose, and finally, Activate — take clear intentional action to generate results. The application of these techniques in place of Saboteur responses results, over time, in greater resilience, mental fitness, productivity, and ease.

This process aligns perfectly with what researchers Gabrielle Oettingen and Peter Gollwitzer call mental contrasting and implementation intentions. Mental contrasting involves stating the desired outcome — in my case — I want to tame my snapping turtle response to interruptions while contrasting it with predictable obstacles: my Restless and Hyper Achiever Saboteurs. The key skill promoted in PQ practice and amplified by Oettingen and Gollwitzer’s research, involves the intentional looking ahead — Navigating — to scope out obstacles before they can derail progress.

It all looks pretty on paper, but progress requires the focused intentional building of new habits over time to change ingrained response patterns.

And these days, there are larger and more pernicious forces plaguing many of us. With workplaces opening up, and many of us having to decide what working arrangements will make us feel both safe and productive, while also accommodating child or eldercare responsibilities at home, this can be a time of increased stress, friction, and overwhelm.

Fortunately, there are some excellent tech tools out there to help us steer clear of increased stress.

Jackie and John Coleman, in their article titled “When Life Gets Busy, Focus on a Few Key Habits”(HBR, May 2019) suggest aligning 5–10 actions daily with stated long-term goals. There’s an excellent app called Momentum they include as a way to start this process. Another tool that I have found extremely useful in action-goal alignment is the Best Self Company’s Self Journal. As this has become a daily proactive for me, I find the feeling of stress and falling behind has dissipated considerably.

If the benefits of meditation have you yearning for a way to create consistent mindfulness, you may already know about Headspace — a simple tool with recorded daily meditations (for me, Andy Puddicombe’s British accent is an added perk!), but I’ve also been utilizing the Calm app regularly, especially on days I know are going to be jam-packed with meetings and potential stress.

Speaking of meetings, with many of them still online, it’s worthwhile finding tools to streamline and simplify these engagements, so they become worth the time we have to spend on them.

One of the impediments to efficient time management in meetings is the taking and distribution of notes both during and after the meeting concludes. In virtual interactions, note-taking can become yet another distraction that impedes concentration and engagement. For myself, I know that I can either take notes or participate in a virtual meeting, but I can’t do both effectively. When the meeting ends, I feel the need to review the notes to pull out the truly important information. So, for either typed or written notes, or the video transcript, this takes exponentially more time than I want to devote to the meeting follow-up.

This is why the team at Tortoise Labs and I came up with Nugget — a bookmarking tool to simplify the note-taking/reviewing/sending process for virtual meetings. While the meeting is going on, if I hear something I want to capture, I hit the “Nugget” button, and it’s highlighted on the transcript. I can send this Nuggetized version in email, text, or chat, or I can simply send the relevant snippets to my clients and colleagues.

Sign up for your demo here, and see more at www.yournugget.com.