5 real reasons your work husband might be mad at you.
By: Thomas P Seager
Tags: Startup, Workplace, Sexism, Red Pill, Feminism

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

5 real reasons your work husband might be mad at you.

Your polyamorous inferences are not helping.

Hannah Rothblatt gave us a pretty good list of reasons that a “work husband” might be angry about a relationship with a “work wife.”

Her article is helpful only in this sense: when a critical collaborator at work resorts to passive-aggressive manipulations, you’re going to take a productivity hit until you figure out why and fix it.

However, I reject familial metaphors for work relationships. The inferences that “work spouse” cliches invite are distasteful to me, cheapen the institution of marriage, and titillate the imagination in ways that have little to do with improving worker productivity. Although Rothblatt stops short of recommending that women “offer sex” to their male co-workers, her use of the marriage metaphor is nonetheless salacious — at least in the sense that she suggests that women should “not be afraid to use their feminine wiles” in the workplace.

Rather than tackling real issues of sexism and intersexual relationships in professional relationships, Rothblatt suggests that women leverage their sexuality to reduce their own workloads — by teasing their male co-workers without ever sleeping with them.

Although Rothblatt’s bio says she’s a comedy writer, I don’t share her sense of humor.

For those who are interested, here’s some real (unfunny) reasons men might be angry at their female coworkers:

1. Your work husband has been accused of contributing to a work environment hostile to women.

Not accused by you, of course. More likely he has been accused by a third party. It could be a jealous work mistress, or it could be your home husband (perhaps the father of your children) who simply doesn’t understand the metaphor of work marriages and all the inferences that should not be made about them. Because your work husband is prohibited by company policy to discuss the ongoing investigation into your flirty text messages, he seems distant to you (which he is). Also, he is trying to figure out whether his career is finished and if he’ll still be allowed to see his kids after his wife divorces him.

2. Your work husband was told “Congratulations, Jeff. You’re the last white man we’re allowed to hire!…

… and by the way, your opportunities for advancement within the company are nil, because we don’t have room for any more white men three levels above you.” It leaves your work husband in an awkward position, doesn’t it? I mean, you could say, “Well, la-dee-da… so some men get a little bit of the glass ceiling treatment that women have had to deal with for decades!” and you’d be right. But that’s a general point, and your work husband is struggling with an issue specific to him. Whether you think it’s fair or not doesn’t change his feelings about it, because he probably didn’t sign up to martyr his career prospects on the altar of correcting past injustices.

3. You shared salary info, and your work husband figured out that you make 15% more than he does, despite having 8 fewer years of experience — because you’re a woman, and women are in demand in your industry.

What makes it a little harder for your work husband right now is that he remembers he helped get you the job. Although he wasn’t involved in your salary negotiations, he sent you the opening, wrote you a letter of recommendation, advocated for your hire within the company, and coached you on the interview. He’s glad you’re raising the salary expectations at the same level of responsibility at which he works… he just can’t figure out why his salary hasn’t been adjusted upwards, in lieu of the new market information.

Oh, wait… he did figure it out, after all.

4. Your work husband was passed over for a prestigious assignment, a raise, and a promotion that went to you instead… because you are not a white man, and he is.

He’s pleased to see your career advance so much faster than his, because in a way it’s a validation of many of the things that the two of you have been collaborating on, and the good ideas and projects that you’ve brought to fruition. Besides, there’s some compersion he can’t help but feel towards someone whom he recommended for your position in the first place, and it boosts his credibility within the company as a good judge of talent. But… he’s still mad that he’s got no opportunities for advancement, and he knows you’re about to dump him. Now that you’re one level above him, you’ll need a new work husband at a higher position.

5. Sex.

Your work relationship has never been the same since he declined your amorous advances, and he has distanced himself because he doesn’t want you to think that he’s leading you on.