7 Things I Learned From Watching My 32-Year-Old Friend Die With Regrets
By: Banchiwosen Woldeyesus, Blogger Ethiopia
Tags: Self, Inspiration, Life Lessons, Personal Development, Life

1. Learn to make your own decisions

The earlier your start making your own decisions, the better you’re in control of your life. Because when you let others decide for you, you’re giving them your driver’s seat.

My friend managed her father’s electronics store until the day her body failed her. By the time she graduated at 21, her father had given her a position in his company.

She made the family business profitable. But doing her job every day had not been the highlight of her life. “I should have been a nurse.” She chanted the phrase over and over as tears filled her eyes. Regret burned her insides like acid. Why the hell had I let my father decide my life for me? She kept repeating.

You don’t have to lose someone to death for a green light to make your own decisions. This means making peace with the fact that you will often disappoint others. But that is how you live life; on your terms. When the crowd seeks to decide for you, stay true to your decisions — leading by your virtues and the values that feel most real to you.

2. Be comfortable with the fact that you cannot manage what others think of you

In our last year of college, my friend and I worked as saleswomen. We went the extra mile to make our boss think well of us. We didn’t have money to spend. And yet we starved ourselves to dress in nice skirts and do our hairstyle with the latest fashion. We craved our boss’s good opinion.

What a waste of our mind’s precious space.

We cared too much about what he thought of our appearance. We didn’t care enough about what we thought of ourselves. We were not mature enough to understand that others can think a million things about us — but we should not have given a damn about those thoughts.

Your 20s is the best time to focus inwards. What do you think of yourself? Do you like the dress you wear? What do you think of your look? If others don’t like it, to hell with everyone.

When you don’t care about what others think, people won’t like you. Time and time again, people will misunderstand you. But that’s okay. You’re not for everyone. Your priority must be what you think of yourself, not others.

3. Tell people how you feel

I’m in my 30s, and I’m still afraid of confessing love to a guy. I’m not talking about saying I love you to my boyfriend. I’m talking about declaring my love for the first time to a guy.

Had my boyfriend not told me he loves me first, I doubt I could have told him first. I would have waited and waited until he does.

How absurd.

We’re in 2020. Still, telling men how we feel scares the hell out of some women. And this is true for some men as well. A colleague at work loves this beautiful woman whom he works with. She has no idea the person she drinks coffee and eats lunch every day wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

“Tell her how you feel dammit.” I beg him all the time with no success. He is 33 and is terrified. Isn’t that a tragedy? We postpone the most important thing — telling someone we love how we feel — until a day comes where we are no longer scared.

That day never comes.

In the grand scheme of things, stating where you stand with your mind and heart is splendid. Dare to speak of how you feel. The meek and the timid don’t know the soaring flights that come by leaning into your fears. To postpone telling someone you love is to invite regret into your days.

4. Make it a habit to tell the truth as often as possible

My friend, who died, never told her father the truth that she wanted to do something else.

We try to make someone happy by not telling the truth.

You don’t like your job. But your family is happy. So, you don’t tell the truth. Your romantic partner disappoints you. Telling the truth will put a shadow in his eyes. So you don’t tell the truth. You cannot stand one of your colleague’s gossip. But you don’t speak up. You don’t want your colleague to hate your guts. So you stay silent.

Why sacrifice the truth and make yourself unhappy? The truth will come out sooner or later. So why not speak your truth now? You can be kind and tell the truth at the same time. You must practice this if you don’t want to be filled with regrets later on in life.

5. Notice the people who love you

“Are you speaking with your dad?” my friend asked me every time I visited her. She knew the strained relationship I have with my father.

The people who love us are the most important thing. And yet we so often lose sight of this. We get busy. We need to work to pay the bills, to buy the house or to get that promotion. And we just forget. It’s not until we lose our loved ones that regret breaks our hearts.

While I would love to grow old with my best friend, to sit outside in our rocking chairs as 80-year-old women, reflecting on our lives, I can’t. I don’t have any regrets, though, because of the quality time we spent together.

I cried with her when her first boyfriend shattered her hurt. I shared her happiness when her sister got married. We traveled to Dubai and Spain, and she insisted we visit for a few weeks. And I wailed like a child at her funeral when she was laid to rest in peace.

Even though I don’t get along with my dad, I’ve started talking to him every day. Your 20s is the best time to create a habit of slowing down, looking around, and spending time with the people who matter to you. I’m not talking about five minutes here and there while staring at a screen. I’m talking about quality time when you are fully present with those around you and your surroundings.

6. Create habits that line up with what you want for later

I’ve always talked about writing a book one day. “Have you written anything?” My friend asked me repeatedly to motivate me to start writing my book.

I answered: I’m busy blogging, writing to publications, freelancing, and teaching. “Write one page every day,” my friend insisted.

Anything you do right now will accumulate over time, my friends. If in your 20s, you write a single page a day, you will have (at least) a book to publish in your 30s.

This notion applies to anything in life.

7. Embrace experiences

In 2017, my friend had an opportunity to get an education in nursing in the Netherlands. She regrets not taking this opportunity the most.

Regret is the worst feeling in the world. Because unlike other things in life, it’s irreversible. It’s wishing you had or hadn’t done something differently.

The worst part: you only have yourself to blame.

Say yes if you are curious, my friends. What you experience makes for a rich life.