Trump Admin Author Bios for the Year 2020
By: Devorah Blachor
Tags: Satire, Politics, News, Donald Trump, Humor

Mike Pence is a Christian, a Conservative and an Author in that order. His guidance on how to achieve a healthy Christian marriage has helped thousands of couples struggling to cope with the challenges of a godless world. Mike pioneered the renown SAFE DINNERS® strategy which transformed the way Christian couples build their sense of trust in a society which worships gay pornography, working women and carnal temptation. He was voted one of the Top 10 Most Influential Marital Self-Help Authors of the past quarter-century by OneMillionMoms.com. He lives in Indiana with his wife, Mother.

Jared Kushner always dreamed of writing mystical fables set in a New Jersey suburb. Inspired in equal parts by Isaac Bashevis Singer and Shmuly Boteach, Jared captivates readers with his colorful tales of ‘Mendel the Schmendel’ who always finds himself embroiled in a hilarious misunderstanding. The halachic hijinks and family foibles of the Schmendels have been called “the embodiment of oy ” by The Forvertz. He lives with his wife and three children in exile.

Dr. KellyAnne Conway is an internationally acclaimed lifestyle guru, a New York Times bestselling author and a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. Her ingenious and completely original approach to wellness and brain plasticity has enabled millions of people to fulfil their dreams, find their soulmates and become wealthy. Her latest book is considered to be a foolproof cure for cancer. Oprah called Dr. KellyAnne “The world’s most perfect person and my best friend.” She has sold over a billion books in every language. Live. Laugh. Lie.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions was a United States Senator. His photo-essay collection, Lost Monuments: A Portrait of the South has been called “visually stunning” by Gateway Pundit. He lives in 1962.

Carter Page is an international man of mystery. His bio is so generic that it literally includes workplaces with names such as Global Energy Capital and Eurasia Group. He’s known for his singular ability to leave so little impression on other people that they forget his existence moments after he’s left the room and sometimes sooner. The loner hero of his thriller series, Jack McMann, roams small towns in America seeking справедливость. Carter lives under a pseudonym in Suffolk or Ulster or maybe Otsego County.

Steve Bannon is a former media executive, investment banker and Biosphere visionary. In 2019, he launched a videoblog series with creative partner Michael D. Cohen about “starting over in midlife and getting your voice heard”. The videos spawned a community of like-minded men who dare to express themselves freely on the internet. His young adult novel, The Fault in Others has been optioned by legendary Hollywood producer Steve Mnuchin. He lives in Leavenworth, Kansas with his roommate and pet snake, Milo.

Wayne Tracker is a former CEO of ExxonMobil. In his groundbreaking new book, Crude is the New Black, Tracker makes a compelling argument for a return to the “good old days of fossil fuels”. He lives in the best little gated community in Texas.

Hope Hicks is a former Ralph Lauren model. Her inspiring feminist-ish manifesto ‘The Gatekeeper’ has helped dozens of women leave toxic relationship and rebrand themselves. She lives in a town called Soap.

Roger Stone is the author of the beloved Where’s Roger? series which takes modern history enthusiasts on a wild ride through the JFK era and beyond. See if you can spot the tiny tattooed figure of Roger summoning Roy Cohn on a ouija board or handing a chapstick microphone to G. Gordon Liddy. But don’t fall for the red herrings amidst the montages — sometimes it’s just Henry Kissinger helping a Chilean war criminal or Newt Gingrich stalking the Clintons. With delightful illustrations evoking the worst political deceptions in contemporary American history, Where’s Roger? is already entrenched in the damaged psyche of this great and deeply troubled nation.

Sean Spicer held a series of odd jobs, none of which worked out. Yet one day he found himself invited to celebrity A-list parties while Harvard threw money at him. Failing Up is Sean’s stirring account of his uplifting journey. Spicer shows readers how a unique combination of chromosomal make-up and melanin constraint can help some people avoid the consequences of their truly terrible decisions. He lives with his wife, Lindsay Lohan.

Mike Flynn is a writer, playwright and a performer. He is best known for his rhyming stories for children about ‘Flipper the Canary’. He is a sought after dinner guest and speaker famous for his unique, fiery style. His work has been translated into Urdu and Farsi. He is represented by his agent, Sergey Kislyak.

Stephen Miller is a proud former member of the Trump Administration. He writes about the white race and edits the bi-monthly Ted Nugent fanzine, Rockin’ Me Again. He lives alone.