How I Created a Fake Dog Park in SF
By: Jaime Kornick
Tags: Bay Area, San Francisco, Humor, Dogs, This Just In

How I Created a Fake Dog Park in SF

Photo courtesy of the author

For my dog Patrick’s birthday last year, I struggled with the annual pet-parent question: what do I get for such an incredible creature? He already has plenty of toys, treats, bones, and he’s even gone through four levels of dog puzzles. What’s left?

I put myself in my dog’s…paws. What would Patrick want? I quickly realized that he, undoubtedly, would want a green piece of land to play on. What dog wouldn’t want his own park?

There happened to be a patch of grass that came to mind, where the two of us went nearly every day to play frisbee. When I’d invite others to meet us there, they’d often found it difficult to find since the land had no name or mappable location. Technically, it’s in Fort Mason, but it’s not actually in Fort Mason, it’s next door to it on Bay and Franklin Streets, behind a gate. To help friends find this unnamed territory, I added it to Google Maps as Patrick’s Park.

I wanted to position Patrick’s Park as an underground tourist attraction. My target audience were tourists visiting Fort Mason, the historical landmark, who would then accidentally stumble past Patrick’s Park and find us.

I taught Patrick tricks — obviously, his name is Patrick — that would entertain the tourists who were now coming to the park. He can do jump spins, weave in between my legs and catch a Frisbee farther than a baseball field. The visitors smile as they witness this surprise dog trick show.

Photo courtesy of the author

As the popularity of the park increased, so did the foot traffic. A sense of responsibility for this land led to convincing Park Ranger Thomas to put in trash receptacles — no shit left behind.

To really solidify its spot on the map, I decided to throw an event there — and it only made sense that it would be a St. Patrick’s Day Dog Parade, at Patrick’s Park, for Patrick. I crafted an Eventbrite up and told people to, “Bring your furry friends. This is the largest annual event at Patrick’s Park.”

Which is true, as it was the only one.

Out of the blue, I get an email from Wag, the dog-walking service, and its public relations people. They urgently wanted to jump on a call, as if it was an emergency (only later did I realize that this panicked state is normal for PR people).

We got on a call, and they asked me, “Who is on the panel?”

I had no idea what panel they were talking about. In a very serious tone, they inquired about the “the canine costume contest,” which I had completely forgotten I included in the event description.

I told them the panel would consist of thought leaders within the canine community. They were wondering if the co-founder of Wag, Jason Meltzer, could be on the panel. When I hung up the phone, I was like, damn, you can really create something out of nothing in this town.

Albert Einstein, obviously.

I realized that I had to actually organize this dog parade, which now included an impromptu panel about dogs so this CEO wouldn’t be sitting by himself. Turns out the online canine community is pretty well connected — I quickly recruited Simon Milner, the co-founder of the pet gadget company Petzi, who brought along Anne Carlson, the founder of Jiminy’s, a dog protein treat made from crickets. I also snagged another founder of a canine company, who saw the potential in the event and flew in from New York City to be there.

iHeart mentioned the Dog Parade on the radio, local publications wrote about it, and the RSVPs started rolling in. In total, more than 350 people said they were coming.

That’s when I realized I needed to get a permit.

I called my friend who runs the farmers market at Fort Mason, who told me there was a man I needed to talk to about a permit. His name was… Patrick.

I called Patrick up and told him I wanted to throw an event on St. Patrick’s Day at Patrick’s Park, acting as if this was a real place I hadn’t created two weeks before, describing to him where exactly it was. He told me the city has never had an event there before (confirming, it actually is the largest event there in the history of this piece of property). The permit came through just in time.

People started asking what the event was for. I would tell them it’s all just for Patrick, my dog. That confused them. I realized the love that I have for my dog is a different bond than other people have with him, so I should probably come up with a greater cause.

Patrick’s life was saved because of Rocket Dog Rescue, so this organization was an easy choice to dedicate proceeds to, including a raffle that I created to benefit it directly.

The whole thing really started coming together. Having crashed a decent amount of different events, I couldn’t let this be anything ordinary. Not only did we now have a charity to benefit, a panel of canine influencers, and a parade, but I also hired Justin Ward a professional saxophonist, to do a pop-up performance and created a red carpet for owners to walk their pups down, and handed out trophies to the best-dressed dogs.

To keep things fresh, I brought in an animal communicator to channel the inner voices of our precious pets. Together, everyone came together and created the largest human tunnel that Patrick has ever attempted to run under. Then, I created a paw print paint station so people could walk away remembering the parade experience with a unique memento.

Just to shake things up, what sounded like me on the microphone during the event, was actually not. Another surprise, I tossed in my identical twin sister to host the event for me, she does experiential marketing — twinning.

When the St. Patrick’s Day Dog Parade ended, I realized we actually had forgotten to parade. After the paradeless parade, people called their Lyft’s from Patrick’s Park, as it now recognized the place as a pick-up location. The pet people left the pawty, some asking me about next year.

I sat there, as the last one sitting on the grass, wondering what had just happened. The animal communicator told me that Patrick’s Park was actually all Patrick’s idea, and I was merely just executing it. I looked at Patrick wondering if he knew all of this, if this was what he had imagined. All I knew was that on that St. Patrick’s Day, I was lucky to have him.

www.PatricksPark.com