My Sexuality No Longer Fits Into This Box
By: Yael Wolfe
Tags: Gender Identity, Gender, Women, Sexuality, Self

My Sexuality No Longer Fits Into This Box

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

It finally happened. I found a sexual ASMR video. I know that might not sound like a big deal, but for me, it is.

I’m an ASMR addict. I regularly get lost in ASMR rabbit holes on YouTube when I’m lying in bed because I love that exquisite feeling of being so tired and comfortable that you keep nodding off, but not wanting to fully surrender to sleep because you are watching something so incredibly relaxing…

As I’ve shared my addiction with more and more people, I’ve encountered many who think ASMR videos are expressions of sexual kinks and fetishes. I wasn’t particularly surprised by this, since I knew that a few years ago, PayPal suspended the accounts of several “ASMRtists” who have huge followings on YouTube because the payment platform considered these completely non-sexual videos to be against their anti-sex work policies.

It seems rather ridiculous to me. I’ve seen hundreds of these videos, and while some of them are sexy and some definitely skirt the line, I’d hardly call them sexual and absolutely would not consider them sexual entertainment.

However…I’ve always acknowledged that there are probably some sexual ASMR videos out there. Somewhere. The ASMR platform lends itself perfectly to a more sexualized experience, so no doubt there are people out there doing just that.

I’ve never gone searching for one — I have no need. My draw to ASMR is simply the benefits of relaxation. There are endless other outlets for getting my sexual jollies.

But then…it happened. YouTube recommended a new channel for me, hosted by an incredibly beautiful Russian woman. The first video that popped up on my feed featured her dressed in some kind of crazy-hot costume that barely contains her breasts, while she fiddles with pinecones, dried leaves, and stuffs random objects into a phallic-shaped decanter, bosom heaving in the background.

I was mesmerized. I was falling into one of the best states of relaxation I’ve ever experienced, while also being crazy turned on.

And then the next video popped up and…there it was. The ultimate sex-ASMR fusion.

It’s called ASMR for Men and of course, I had to know what that was about. I’ve never seen anyone label a video by gender before, so my curiosity was piqued. And of course, the moment I saw her stroking those two super long microphones, each one adorned with a little pussy cat ornament, I knew exactly where that video was going.

What surprised me was how much I liked it. I like women, too, so that’s no shock, but it surprised me how much her efforts to stimulate a heterosexual male actually worked on me. I swear to God, I grew a sympathetic dick while watching that video.

“Thank you for giving it to me,” she whispers at some point, and I felt this testosterone-like thrill surge through me at her words.

Near the end of the video, she leans into the mics over and over again, opening her mouth just a bit here and there, making you think she’s about to deepthroat them and all I could think was, “Yes! Suck that mic!” I mean, I’m laughing as I write this, but I’m also dead serious.

That video made me feel like a man and I loved it.