On Transformations
By: Maral Sheikhzadeh
Tags: Lockdown, Habit Building, Habits, Lockdown Diary, Covid Diaries

This is a new attempt in writing. I have been away from it for a while now. I’d like to return and do it regularly, consistently, maybe make a habit out of it.

Here on Medium, the majority of people write highly specific and technical articles rather than their mere mental secretions(as I have seen, maybe my circle has been shaped around that kind of content). But I am going to do the latter, to unload the subconscious weights in my mind here and then publish them, as a conscious attempt of self-revelation on the Internet, to make a mark of this inward progress I have started, and if possible, to inspire.

I am on a habit-changing path. I have started it over 3 months ago, by setting certain goals in my habit-tracker apps (Strides and Habit(that doesn’t have a website to which I can link) on iPhone) and pursuing them. The ones I have been committed to, without fail were reading and meditating.

Meditating was a habit I had already worked on since earlier, but I cannot say I did it every single day. Now, it has been 130 consecutive days(Thanks to Insight Timer)I am meditating and I feel the progress and the inner transformation, even though the changes are subtle, but I can sense them because meditating specifically sharpen our senses for noticing such nuances.

Reading also was a thing I used to do on and off, some days I wouldn’t find time to read(or listen to books, I consider both as reading, of course maybe ‘to include books or gaining knowledge from books’ would be a more exact description of it, however odd). Now, I make time for reading, be in as short as 30 minutes. I expand it because it gives me great joy to learn and I AM learning.

These were my two main achievements so far, but there are more than this on my list. Actually, I have two habit-tracker apps so that I fit all the habits I want to develop (and without paying for the premium versions of any apps). I prefer to not talk about the other habits in my list just yet until I have passed 100 consecutive days in doing them.

The great thing about making habits, at least for me is, I am deciding how to live, and it is not decided for me through outside forces. I plan my life and I don’t give in to ephemeral desires that do not contribute to my long-time happiness. I would have said that to my younger self, and I am not sure if she would have listened. Maybe this was the right time for me to start these changes, and it’s always better late than never.

This is, to some degree, a result of COVID-19 lockdowns and spending most of my time at home. Spending a year at home gave me an opportunity to watch my self and my life in a better light and reshape myself in a controlled environment, where I know the triggers that lead me to old patterns and changing the conditions so that I do not fall into those patterns and instead follow along the path I designed for myself.

I would say, if life didn’t stop due to this pandemic, change might not have come this easily and even the urge to change might not have arisen in me. I feel it was a big blessing for me to have this time to look into my life more deeply and thoroughly so that this yearn for change emerges in me.

I am grateful.