A Christmas to Remember: a 2020 Story
By: Liv Coleman
Tags: Lakewood Ranch, Christmas, Pandemic, Capitalism, Bradenton

Once upon a time, in the mid-sized town of Bradenton, Florida, a “Friendly City” if ever there was one, a tall, brown-haired, blue-eyed career woman named Valerie Brown came to take care of some business. And, unfortunately for the town, the business wasn’t so friendly. Valerie was in the private equity business, you see. And as one of Apex Capital Services’ top deal-makers, Valerie’s sizzle was snapping up companies to strip them down, and sell off their parts, laying off typically hundreds of employees at a time in the process. It wasn’t going to be a very merry Christmas for so many in Bradenton this year, especially with the novel coronavirus tearing through nursing homes and assisted living facilities in the community. The pandemic also put a cramp on the town’s lively tourism sector and many businesses were on the brink of going bankrupt and closing down for good.

That’s why Valerie was there after all. But since Bradenton, a friendly Southern town, had many charms to offer, particularly in the country’s #2 best-selling multigenerational community of Lakewood Ranch, she thought she would turn her work business in Bradenton into a “staycation.” She could linger over the pool and by the tennis courts of a master-planned community as she plotted the next vulture capitalist takeover that would take her away from Bradenton when she was done with her business there. “The Grinch never had it so good,” Valerie thought, chuckling wistfully. Apex Capital Services was having a banner year.

Valerie liked stretching her legs from time to time, breathing in the humid Florida air and listening to the hum of traffic, walking on one of Lakewood Ranch’s 150 miles of multi-surface trails. As she was rounding a corner, straining to see a sandhill crane that caught her eye in the distance, she heard a thwack, and next thing anyone knew Valerie was lying on the ground. A pickleball flying from a distant court had hit her right in the temple. The gentleman who hit the ball, Jerry Piper, came over to see if she was okay. Valerie was out cold. Jerry called 911, and an ambulance sped her off to Lakewood Ranch Medical Center for treatment.

Although it was slowly filling up with COVID-19 patients, the hospital was fortunately able to find a special ICU bed for Valerie to rest in until she regained consciousness. Nearly 12 hours after her admittance to the hospital, Valerie’s eyes blinked and opened. “There she is! I knew she’d come back to us,” exclaimed a nurse. “Sweetie, how you doing?” Valerie moaned. “We’re gonna take good care of you here,” said the nurse. “Get you right back on your feet.” “I have a deal to close,” Valerie mumbled. “I need to get back to work. Wait, where am I anyway?”

The nurse said, “Before you get back to work, we need to make sure you’re all right first, honey. Can you tell me what year it is?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” said Valerie. “It’s 2019, just before Christmas.” The nurse turned to an attendant, eyebrows raised with a mixture of perplexity and horror.

“Who is the president?” asked the nurse. “Donald Trump,” replied Valerie. “Where are you right now?” asked the nurse. “Boston,” said Valerie.

“Oh girl, we have to talk,” said the nurse. “Yes, Donald Trump is the president for another three weeks, but we are in Lakewood Ranch, Florida for Christmas 2020. You’ve missed a whole year, girl! You must have amnesia!”

Concerned about the lack of contact information for Valerie’s family or friends, the hospital staff tried to locate anyone who might know about Valerie’s personal history, where she lived, and how to help her.

Jerry was pacing outside the medical facility, staring up at the dark night sky, wondering why he had insisted on playing pickleball that day. A hospital worker came out, beckoning him to come into the hospital with his mask. “Your friend here has amnesia. We thought that a friendly face would help her remember where she is and what is going on.” “I’m afraid I don’t really know her, but I’d love to come in and say hello to her and see that she is doing okay” replied Jerry.

Jerry chatted with Valerie as she wondered about everything that had happened in 2020. “Why are you wearing a mask?” Valerie asked. “There’s a deadly virus going around,” the nurse chimed in, “It’s a coronavirus pandemic, and it’s killed over 300,000 people. Kids stopped going to school for months at a time. Most people are working from home if they are still lucky to have a job. Everything’s been transferred to Zoom these days.”

“What’s Zoom?” asked Valerie, quizzically. “Oh, honey,” said the nurse. “You’ve really missed out on a lot. It’s this video teleconferencing service that everyone is using to work from home, or even take school classes from home.”

“Oh, that sounds terrible,” said Valerie. “When I lay people off with Apex, I want the personal touch. I don’t lean in for the kill until I can see the whites of their eyes.”

Jerry and the nurse looked at each other alarmed. Then they looked back at Valerie.

Jerry said, “Oof. Yeah, this year 2020 has really been a bender. We’ve had record home sales in Lakewood Ranch. The James Bond movie was delayed. Hollywood rebooted the ‘Weakest Link’ for prime time. And the Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup!”

The nurse shook her head at both Jerry and Valerie this time. “Oh, 2020’s been so much more than that, honey! We almost went to war with Iran. Kobe Bryant died. The lazy, do-nothing Senate never did anything to Trump after he was impeached last fall. Then this summer we had massive racial justice protests across the country after a racist cop killed a guy in Minneapolis. We even had local officials in Manatee County of all places saying ‘Black Lives Matter.’ Then there was a big backlash movement against defunding the police but Biden got elected anyway. Plus the pandemic which is just killing us here in the hospitals and people dying everywhere!”

“Oh my! That is a lot I missed,” said Valerie. “But I still hardly even know where I am. All I know is that I really need to get back to work, as soon as I can remember what acquisitions deal brought me to town.”

Jerry, however, had a different plan for Valerie. “Maybe if I can show you around the area, Valerie,” he said, “it will help you remember what you’ve been doing since you got to town and how to help your business get moving again.”

Jerry knew how special Bradenton was, especially at Christmastime. He didn’t really understand her business, but he wanted to show her around town, to see the special businesses, foods, and seasonal celebrations that made this a tourist hotspot year after year, not to mention one of the best-selling communities in the United States. Jerry was also becoming, shall we say, smitten.

When Valerie got out of the hospital, she and Jerry went to Anna Maria Oyster Bar for take-out margaritas to drink quietly on the beach from a paper bag. They went to the drive-in theater up in Ruskin. They did window shopping at the glamorous businesses of St. Armand’s in Sarasota, until they bravely ventured inside one to buy a stylish new bejeweled pandemic mask. They bought vegetables at the Bradenton Farmers’ Market to grill at home.

This place was really something special, Valerie thought. “Do I really want to shut down and sell off dozens of local shops and restaurants, when I can see they mean so much to everyone?” she pondered to herself, alone. Maybe there was another option besides shuttering the local businesses she worked to acquire. As she slowly recovered from her amnesia, a new business idea began to form.

The weekend before Christmas, as she and Jerry were having a picnic at Fort Hamer Park, Valerie gazed across the beautiful landscape and sighed, “Bradenton, I could get used to living here.”

“So what was the business that brought you to town anyway?” Jerry said. “Maybe you could do it from here instead of jet-setting around the country all the time the way you said you used to do.”

“Well, I’ve been in touch with the headquarters in Boston,” she said. “And I think I have a plan. Watch the headlines of the local newspaper this next week after I make some phone calls.”

Valerie got to work with her cell phone and fax machine. She even learned how to use Zoom, but she still kept forgetting to click mute at the beginning of calls and unmute herself when she wanted to speak.

The headlines came out on Christmas Day in the Bradenton Herald, just as she said they would: “Apex Capital Services leaves town, saves thousands of jobs.” Valerie, infused with the Christmas spirit of Bradenton, decided the town had much to live and work for after all. Apex decided to work with the owners and restructure the companies rather than lay everyone off this year. The Herald further explained that there was only one business they would be shutting down for good in town this year — the MAGA merchandise store, which was completely irredeemable for shareholders as a declining asset with a fixed time horizon.

But it was actually only Apex Capital Services leaving town, not Valerie. She decided to quit her job after realizing the Christmas beauty in Bradenton.

There was one more announcement in the Bradenton Herald that week for anyone who knew to look for it — a wedding announcement for Valerie and Jerry, for a small, private ceremony to be held socially distanced outdoors at Benderson Park.

“2020 was the best year ever after all,” said Valerie.

The End