4 Small Tips for When You Have to Live With Your Parents Again
By: Casimir Mura
Tags: Relationships, Mindfulness, Mental Health, Lifestyle, Self

4 Small Tips for When You Have to Live With Your Parents Again

This is one of the hardest things that I’ve done.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

There’s this recycled tweet that keeps going around that speaks to me on another level. It goes something like “Living on your own = financial instability and emotional stability, living with your parents = financial stability and emotional instability”. It’s terrifyingly accurate. No matter how much you love your mom and pop, it can be a bit difficult to get accustomed to living with them again after being away for such a long time. It can feel like your entire life has been put on hold.

I didn’t expect to move back in with my parents, but this is where I’ve pretty much found myself for the time being. Being a fresh college grad with a career prospect that no longer suited or interested me, I needed time to figure things out. I didn’t have any money or really well-off friends. I thought I would stay with my parents for a few weeks and be out in a flash, but I quickly learned that it’s not always so easy.

It’s sort of a double-edged sword. I’m comforted by the fact that I don’t have to pay rent, but I am smacked sideways with the realization that I don’t have my own place as an adult. Hell even as a fresh college grad, I might not have had my very own place, but each passing day reminds me that roommates would be a much better option.

I want to stress that in the time of a global pandemic, moving in with your parents is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be a really smart decision. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Here are some ways to keep yourself intact if you find that living with your parents is driving you a bit nuts.

1. Have Boundaries

Just like a roommate, it’s important to set up some sort of boundaries with your parents. If they’re constantly asking you about when you’re getting a job, or if you’ve met anyone new, it may be time to lay down the law and let them know that they need to stop.

You don’t always have to directly confront your parents about topics of discussion that you’d rather not have. If your parents are anything like mine, this discussion might just lead them to bring up the topic even more often. I love them so much! Haha… So, a simple thing you can do when the conversation comes up is to slowly and surely distance yourself from it.

If you simply let them know you’re not interested in the conversation by using verbal cues and dismissive language, they will probably stop. If that fails, you can always run out of the room screaming. They’ll probably leave you alone after that.

2. Create Your Own Space

The excruciating reality is that you might have to stay with them for a while. No one really knows for how long. That’s entirely up to you.

When I first moved back in with my parents, I didn’t want to do anything with my room. I stacked most of the boxes in the corner and convinced myself that I’d be out in no time. And, I am now surpassing the one-year anniversary of moving back in with my parents.

However, my room is now my own space. And, I’ve clearly expressed that I don’t want anyone else to go inside it. It sounds like a very teenager thing to do, but it’s actually really important. You’re an adult, after all, so no one should be cleaning up after you or making your bed in the morning. Don’t forget, you are still an adult at the end of the day.

Since the rest of the house is occupied by other people that you have to share a space with, you have to have some space of claim for your own sanity.

3. Create an Escape Plan

An escape plan sounds kind of extreme, but I learned this technique from one of my therapists. Basically, if you set up a date for when you expect to leave a certain situation, it can be a lot easier to get through each day. You have to have something on the horizon to keep you pushing forward.

This will also motivate you to search for that job, find those roommates, and do anything else that is needed to reclaim control over your life. Without setting a specific date, it can be kind of easy to coast. Although we all need mental health days, we aren’t really capable of getting anywhere without pushing ourselves a bit.

An escape plan creates a certain focus. It will allow you to find some sort of purpose in the void that you find yourself in. And even though this isn’t an ideal situation, you have to remind yourself that it’s not an uncommon one.

4. Keep a Gratitude Journal

This is definitely going to be the outlier here. But, I still think it’s worth mentioning. One thing that has helped me stop my marbles from shooting out into space is keeping a gratitude journal. If your daily thought process starts off with “I can’t believe I’m living with my parents”, it will be hard to get anything good going. It will get hard to advance through each day.

A gratitude journal is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a journal to record a list of things that you’re grateful for. Even if it’s hard sometimes, it can be a powerful tool in changing how you approach the world. It’s also most effective if you do it on a daily basis.

By keeping a gratitude journal you can choose to focus on the good things instead of dwelling on the negatives. I think this is super important if your household tends to be negative or brings you down in general. It also might be vital if you’ve found yourself moved to a completely different area that no longer matches your vision of where you’d find yourself in the future.

There are so many resources online about keeping a gratitude journal. Here’s one short article that I think is helpful for brainstorming topics and figuring out what you should focus on within your gratitude journal.

There’s no way to beat around the bush. No one really wants to live with their parents after moving out, but sometimes we find ourselves in difficult situations. By employing some of these tips, I hope you are able to realize that this is a temporary situation and that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.