Sincere. My mother was never much for love, even…
By: Lacy Lessard
Tags: Moms, Abuse, Help, Lessons Learned, Self Improvement

I don’t remember the last time I was sober, they tell me that once you reach this point you won’t recognize yourself again. I’ve tested the limits for far too long. This is a hybrid. I am unrecognizable, unstoppable.

I’m awake but not aware. I am empty of kindness, all that’s left is hate and rage. I look over to my lover of last night. He looks so peaceful. I want nothing more than to throw his phone at his computer. Go to his bedside table pull the drawers out, dump his coke everywhere. Tear off the covers he is so comfortable in, too look at his shocked face and welcome him to hell.

Instead, I get up, put on last night’s dress and 6inch heels. This mini dress I decided to wear that night wasn’t the worst mistake id made. I mean I lured the man I wanted, the one with the drugs and lust for all things beautiful. He had no idea I was about to ruin his life in more than one way.

I grabbed my purse, rushed down the stairs, His roommate wasn’t up, I had that working in my favor. I opened the front door, walked out to my little sports coup, turned her on, hit the gas, and ripped it out of the driveway. I wanted him to know I was gone.. for now.

I didn’t end up going far, just down the road to the bikini coffee shop. I pull up asking for my usual, two of them. The girl nods and hands me two cinnamon toast drinks, I smile, pay, then I’m on my way back to my place just a few minutes away. I slowly get out of my car, leaving one of the drinks behind… As if I needed the caffeine, I drink it all in a matter of seconds. I walk to my door, turning the locks make such a beautiful sound… I make it inside the living room, “time for a hot shower.” As I make my way to the shower my slim slender body walking with the rhythm of the devil’s girlfriend. Long legs taking the lead, slim arms slowly pulling my dress away. Walking down the long hallway to my bathroom. Windows wide open, I’m not much for modesty, life’s too short for that. Opening the bathroom door, I walk over to the shower turn it on, remove my heels. Once in the shower I start feeling dizzy, I notice my nose starts to bleed, I can feel it. Who would have thought a night out with alcohol and drug consumption would have made me this numb to something most people would consider serious… I look down at the blood running down the drain. “well, I guess should slow down a little.” who was I kidding, I wasn’t going to stop, it felt so good to be bad.

After my shower I head downstairs to my closet, picking my go-to outfit not too casual. I make sure my top shows cleavage. Heading back up the stairs, I notice my reflection in the window. Why do I look so different, searching my body for something? My legs seem to go on forever, my body is a thing of a dream. But why don’t I feel like it’s mine? My eyes make their way to my slim tummy, to my cleavage all the way up to my long neck.. then my eyes. “who are you?” I don’t have time for this, I grab my keys aggressively. Heading out the door to my sports coup, I hadn’t spent more than an hour at my house. I start up my car and head down the hill.

On my way down the road, He texts me, “Yo, where did you go?” I respond, “Coffee”. Soon enough I pull into his driveway, Getting out of my car I see him in the window waiting. I smile, and start walking to his front door, he greets me with a nod. I hand him his coffee, “You’ll like it, I do.” He takes one sip and raises his eyebrows. “This is so good.” I look into his eyes, “ I know.”

I walk past him into his house, “you smell nice.” I respond, “Thanks. What’s the plan for tonight? “He looks me up and down, “Well, why don’t we go to aura?” My eyes steady on his, my replay “Are you sure that’s where you want to go?”