7 Signs You’re Driven By Confidence — Not Ego
By: Karen Nimmo
Tags: Life Lessons, Entrepreneurship, Mental Health, Psychology, Self Improvement

Confidence is a hot commodity.

It’s widely touted as the key to success, bold living and (smart) risk-taking, resilience, better relationships, more peace — and way less angst.

But surprisingly few people have rock-solid confidence. And those who think they do might gain from checking to make sure it’s not their ego sitting in the driver’s seat.

They won’t though. That’s the thing with ego. Because it’s founded on a sense of entitlement, it blinds you to the truth about yourself. It glosses over the value of other people. And it makes you pretty uncool to be around.

So don’t be that person. Know you have an ego (we all do) but keep it in a box under your bed. And know confidence is not a badge you can quickly earn and pin on your sweater. It’s the work of a lifetime.

Here are the signs you’re on your way.

7 Signs You’re Driven By Confidence — Not Ego

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”— Peter T. McIntyre

1. You don’t always think you’re right.

Confident people don’t have a burning need to be right or to prove that they are. When you’re confident, you have faith in your own thoughts — but you remain keenly aware that you don’t know it all, that you could be wrong, and you can learn plenty from others. So you’ll actively seek out the opinions of others — the more diverse, the better. And when you are wrong, you’ll be quick to see the problem, take responsibility/apologise, if necessary, and make moves to get things back on track.

2. You know when you’re not the best person for the job.

Confident people know their strengths and weaknesses. They know when to take charge and when to hand over to someone else and when to let go. They’re happy to let other people take control of the things they’re good at — and to let them shine. And they’re not above making the coffee or cleaning the office toilet if it’s for the greater good.

If you’re a leader, you’re not afraid to hire people who know more than you — or to tap into the skills or knowledge of all sorts of people. You’re not a lone ranger. You have, and value, mentors. You believe in the powers of diversity and unity. So you’ll strive to bring people together — not divide them.

3. You’re not scared of what you don’t know.

The ego relies on the familiar. That’s why ego-driven people are defensive: they will argue back when they disagree with someone or twist the opinions of others to confirm their own. Confident people favour listening over arguing and learning about things they don’t know over talking about things they do. If you’re confident, you won’t just be unafraid of the unknown — you’ll walk towards it.

4. You acknowledge and applaud others’ success.

Confident people love to see other people succeed. They’re not immune to a flicker of envy when others in their field do well (because it’s human), but it doesn’t rule them. They are able to put it aside and fully appreciate another’s big moment.

When you’re confident, you don’t need to compare yourself with others. If you see someone on Instagram having a better life/more fun/cooler holidays you don’t turn into the green-eyed monster or feel sorry for yourself. You just get on with making the most of your own situation and people.

5. You don’t need “claps” to function well.

The need for claps — or any kind of external validation — is the hallmark of ego-driven people. And when they don’t get it, they can feel down, angry, resentful, jealous or beat up on themselves.

Confident people can welcome and enjoy external validation (such as awards, trophies, praise and fame). When those rewards come their way they are appreciative — and humble. But they don’t need them. The true test of your own confidence is that you’d work at what you do, and live the way you do, anyway — just because it’s who you are.

6. You take care of yourself.

Confident people look after themselves physically, mentally and spiritually. They’ll eat well and exercise — or at least know the value of nourishing food over takeout and moving their bodies over slumping on the couch. They’ll do things to calm and exercise their minds. They’ll work on their emotional skills so they feel in control of themselves. And they’ll moderate their use of things — anything — that could undermine their health and happiness.

7. People like you.

True confidence is attractive. People are drawn to it: it makes them feel better, calmer and safer. But ego isn’t. Ego is fragile and unpredictable. It’s built on a sense of self-absorption and entitlement that’s no fun to be around. And it can blow out of control — to scary heights.

If you’re truly confident you’ll be able to see beyond yourself to appreciate other people, in all their diverse packages. And that, more than anything else, will draw them back to you.