Don’t be a wuss!
By: David Trask
Tags: Dads, Men, Life Lessons, Relationships, Fatherhood

Stop being such a whiny pissant! Buck up and be a man! The man your family needs you to be.

wuss — pronounced /wo͝os/

INFORMAL

noun

noun: wuss; plural noun: wusses

a weak or ineffectual person (often used as a general term of abuse).

“Afraid someone will see you wearing a mask? You’re such a wuss!”

verb

verb: wuss; 3rd person present: wusses; past tense: wussed; past participle: wussed; gerund or present participle: wussing

fail to do or complete something as a result of fear or lack of confidence.

“He’ll probably wuss out because he’s too scared to talk to her.”

I really worry about the future of men in this world, particularly this country. The things I’ve witnessed in recent months have shown me that far too many “men”, and I used that term only from a gender perspective, lack any sort of emotional maturity. They’re easily swayed by mass media and online social platforms into believing that being a defiant asshole and puffing out your chest is a trait that defines what it means to be a man.

My father always told me, “Be your own man.” He instructed me on how to follow what is right as opposed to what is popular. He also taught me how to deal with the situation at hand and either change it or accept it. Whining simply shows how weak you are. A strong man steps up to the plate. A weak man complains that the plate is even there. A strong man realizes that if a woman says “no”, then it’s either not meant to be or he’s not trying hard enough. A weak man rationalizes his rejection by calling her a stuck up bitch and whining that he cannot get any women to notice him. A strong man recognizes those less fortunate, physically or mobility challenged, or a young mother with kids simply having a rough day and assists them or makes accommodations. A weak man thinks only of himself and puffs out his chest when challenged for his off-putting behavior.

I see far too many weak men nowadays.

A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were out running some errands when we decided to stop into the local Wendy’s fast food restaurant to grab a bite to eat. Since it’s the middle of a global pandemic, you either had two choices…drive-thru or the front counter. The dining room was closed. This particular restaurant had just been remodeled and we simply wanted to see the inside so we donned our masks and headed for the front counter. We placed our order and moved back away from the counter to allow others to order and to maintain social distancing. Easy enough, right?

A large man and what appeared to be his elderly mother entered and proceeded to the front counter. The young girl at the register calmly informed the man that she wasn’t allowed to serve him if he wasn’t wearing a mask. He began to berate this kid in front of everyone, reducing her to tears and prompting others to get involved. His mother was truly embarrassed (she had a mask on). As things began to get a little ugly, I stepped forward, halving the distance between him and my wife, in support of the restaurant manager and another customer, should things come to blows. All the while thinking to myself, “all this because he’s too much of a wuss to wear a mask for five minutes while he places his order.” Having gotten a refund and been asked to leave the premises, as he walked past me, I channeled my father, gave him “the look” and said, “Seriously? Over a little tiny mask? Wuss.” He turned away but managed to flip off the entire restaurant as the door closed behind him. That was a prime example of a small weak man. His emotional maturity leading him to believe that being a defiant and whiny individual would gain him favor among the masses when in truth, the opposite usually happens. There wasn’t a single person in that scenario who was on his side, not even his elderly mother.

How do we teach our sons the difference between stoicism and being a wuss without sacrificing their values or beliefs? The first is to help him identify the difference between “values” and “beliefs” as well as how they arrive at them. Let’s use the situation at Wendy’s as our backdrop. Teach him that a strong man would realize that asking a restaurant employee, especially a kid, to allow an exception in defiance of state law, could potentially put that establishment at risk in many ways. To put them in that position in the first place is incredibly selfish. Second, we could help him realize that making a small sacrifice to be able to get the food that he wants and then be on his way is really not a big deal nor does it warrant any type of silly political statement or “whiny rights violation” protest. Third, we can help instill in him the ability to recognize the difference between core values and simply following the crowd, either online or in real life.

How could the person in the Wendy’s scenario have acted as a strong man without sacrificing his beliefs? Let’s play this out as it “should” have happened.

Our young lady at the register: “Hello sir, I’m sorry, but I’m unable to take your order unless you’re wearing a mask.”

Man: “I’m sorry, I left my mask in the car. I’ll go get it.”

OR

Man: “I’m sorry, however, my mother has a mask on. Can she order for both of us and I’ll step back?”

Girl at the register: “Sure that’ll be fine.”

Man: “Thank you. Mom? Can you place our order? I’d like a….”

The man then retreats to a safe distance and awaits his order.

Some folks in the restaurant might be slightly upset at his unwillingness to wear a mask, but his calm confident demeanor holds off all comments and his objective is achieved with minimal sacrifice. Others in the restaurant admire his courteous behavior and make a personal exception for his mistaken (or deliberate) non-compliance.

Don’t be a wuss! People, and more often, women, are not impressed with whiny defiant behaviors. Swearing in public, cussing out a cashier, rudeness, or silly brooding stares do not make you appear tough as you may think. It has the opposite effect.

A strong confident man will deal with conflict in a calm manner. He will look you in the eye and calmly explain why something is wrong or needs to be addressed. Yelling and whining will get you nowhere. Calmly stating your expectations with a confident air while maintaining your cool will nearly always yield favorable results. In the end, you’ll succeed with admiration and appreciation from others around you. That is the strength of a man…