Insights From the Book ‘Boundaries’: DAY 8 Pages 91–100
By: Christian Idemudia Uwa
Tags: Books, Boundaries, Reading, Self, Life Lessons

It’s 7 am and am up. Took out the first few minutes to say my prayers and then drank a glass of warm water and today I skipped checking the news first. Picked up from page 91 and am ready to continue my journey with the laws of boundary.

Law #6, ‘The Law of Evaluation’. Our boundaries are for our safety, like the authors mentioned to protect our properties. We should always evaluate the effect of our boundaries. I was glad to learn about the concept of ‘hurt’ and ‘harm’ today. I strongly feel how we understand these two terms affects our boundary sense. Our boundary rules may hurt others but they should not harm them. In the book it was made clear that sometimes when things hurt they are can turn out for the good (maybe a lesson is learn’t, e.t.c) so don’t why allow yourself undergo struggle or pain like Jason in the book because you don’t want people to get hurt. Tell people how you feel, be honest, they may feel hurt but they won’t be harmed by it. Be like Sandy. A good example of where this law works are in corporations where they carry out work evaluations maybe yearly. You get an appraisal and the question whether you will get hurt isn’t considered but the fact that you don’t keep working in harms way (personal and organization wise) is the ultimate goal.

Law #7, ‘The Law of Proactivity’. Your boundary rules should bring you joy and love, not resentment and pity. To operate effectively in this realm you must realize the need to take on a positive reaction. It’s time to drop the toxic ‘against’ feeling and live through a flourishing corridor. One that is adorned with love, purpose, joy and a sense of fulfillment. Yes, there might be some history of abuse, emotional pain, the sense of victimization that will want to keep you in the reactive stage (these feelings does not make you any less a good or strong person) but you must make effort not to live the rest of your life in this stage. Move past it, realize this is not your identity and find Joy again. Your boundary laws won’t bring any joy or meaning if you stay as a reactant.

Law #8, ‘The Law of Envy’. Is there anyone that is not envious? The book says we all have an envious part in us. But how we react to this ‘stimuli’ as I want to call it, is what makes the difference. “Envy defines “good” as “what I do not possess,” and hates the good that it has.” You see where the problem begins? With envy our focus becomes outside our boundaries. Making us keep an eye on what others have and we end up forgetting our own responsibilities therefore leaving us with an empty heart of perhaps grief, regret, and hate. If your envious part rules you, then you can’t keep healthy boundaries because you will shut the good out because of hate and you will often allow the bad in because you are often insatiable and maybe greedy. How do I work on this? The way out is to understand the right role of the envy feeling. Envy should make you question your own self and not others. It should make you want to do the work required to get what you want. It should either make you realize what you need to do to get to where you want to be or help you give up the desire or feeling of wanting what you are not capable of getting.

Law #9, ‘The Law of Activity’. The authors did a great work here, you should see the book for the entire scene. hahahahaha. Yeah, right back! They classified humans as responders and initiators. And as I reflected I agreed with them perfectly. Our boundary problems according to the book may often have its root to the fact that we lack initiatives. We have entirely become passive beings instead off being active beings. We are at the mercy of others. Not because they want it so but because we have given up that right to own and direct our lives. We can only create boundaries when we are active and aggressive with life. We can’t create boundaries when we have chosen to live at the mercy of others.

Law #10, ‘The Law of Exposure’. One man exist in a vacuum and because of this fact we daily interact with others. So if you are setting boundaries and we are also exposed to other people, then comes the need to clearly make our boundaries visible and well explained to others. Its time to get out of the dungeon where you constantly say, she/he is supposed to know that isn’t fair. She/he is supposed to be human and understand such an action is not right. Who told you its supposed to be so? The right thing is supposed to be you explaining to them clearly why it should be so. With unexpressed boundaries, relationships will suffer, feelings will be hurt, expectations will be dashed and hopes will be broken. Talk to people about your boundaries, ensure they understand what you mean before you start expecting that they keep it.

Thanks for your time reading. If there be spelling or sentence errors pardon me, I write out of thought and for now I post just after writing. I look forward to a day with less schedules where i will be able to reedit before posting. Thanks. You can reach me with reachselffulfillment@gmail.com