How to Reprimand Employees Without Destroying Their Self-Esteem
By: Scott S. Bateman
Tags: Work, Management, Human Resources, Leadership

How to Reprimand Employees Without Destroying Their Self-Esteem

Constructive criticism is coaching. Destructive criticism is punishment.

Credit: Wikimedia Creative Commons license

Managers aren’t in popularity contests. Giving employee reprimands certainly doesn’t make them popular. But they are a necessary part of the job.

All employees inevitably make mistakes on the job, some serious and some not so serious. The serious ones require a reprimand to ensure they don’t happen again or at least reduce the odds of a repeat. Their job performance and the performance of the entire operating unit are at stake if the problem keeps happening.

Good leaders and managers learn how to reprimand an employee while protecting the employee’s self-esteem. The self-esteem element is critical to a good reprimand because a reprimand is a form of criticism. For many people, any kind of criticism, constructive or not, is personal.

Effective employee reprimands focus on the behavior, problem or issue and not on the person. They also are:

Timely

Factual

Objective

Private

Bad reprimands focus on the person and potentially damage self-esteem. They may create fear and job insecurity in the employee. They are demotivating and demoralizing. Multiple bad reprimands inflame a cover-your-ass version of office politics and encourage employees to leave the company for psychologically safer environments.

A bad reprimand often includes the word “you”:

You missed an important deadline.

Your estimates were wrong.

What were you thinking?

Why did you do that?

You made a big mistake.

You f — -ed up.

Think of a good reprimand as constructive criticism and a bad reprimand as destructive criticism. Constructive criticism is coaching. Destructive criticism is punishment.

Timely: Take Action and Do It Soon

One of the worst managers I have known wouldn’t reprimand employees at all. She would simply let her grievances — even when based on bad information — build up until one day she would abruptly fire the employee with little warning. In her mind, it was the employee’s responsibility to figure out what he or she did wrong and never do it again.

Delaying a reprimand means the risk of a blindsiding conversation. If the problem happens on a Friday, a manager who waits to take action on a Monday (or later) will leave both the manager and employee potentially upset about it through the weekend and start the week with bad news.

There is one exception to timely action: If the problem triggers emotions, the manager and employee should wait until those emotions subside.

A quick anecdote

OK, I admit I made another big mistake one time as a young middle manager. My then boss lost her temper and screamed at me so loudly that the entire office heard her, even behind closed doors. Yes, I deserved a reprimand. But her frequent hot temper was destructive and created fear in everyone. She should have waited until she calmed down. “Timely action” doesn’t mean managers should do it immediately if they are furious.

Factual: Begin With Good Information

Effective leaders and managers seek accurate information about what caused the problem before they meet with the employee.

Credit: Pixabay Creative Commons license

Does the employee have a serious personal problem? Did a security breach impact company data or server performance? Was a deadline unrealistic or an important piece of equipment not operating at full capacity? Did the employee act on bad information?

Getting useful facts about what went wrong also may require the manager to have a degree of empathy and compassion. For example, personal problems may distract an employee and lead to more mistakes on the job.

“Compassion in the workplace matters because it provides employees with that extra amount of strength they need to perform, whether it’s overcoming personal problems, trouble at home, or job-specific challenges.” — William F. Baker and Michael O’Malley, “Leading With Kindness”

Objective: Focus on the Problem, Not the Person

Behavior and performance are the two dominant and standards by which a manager should evaluate an employee.

In a constructive reprimand, the manager should consider:

Using plural pronouns such as “us” and “we” as much as possible to lower emotions and avoid making the discussion personal.

Beginning with a neutral, non-threatening statement such as, “I would like us to talk through what happened and see if we can figure out how to keep it from happening again”.

Giving a brief review of the facts.

Asking the employee if she or he agrees with the facts.

Asking the employee for solutions.

Finding common agreement.

Pausing the process if it gets emotional and reminding the employee that the discussion is about solving the problem and not about blaming the employee.

Ending the meeting with words of confidence in the employee.

See More on Leaders and Managers: Career advice for people in charge.

Private: Praise But Don’t Criticize in Public

The worst manager I have known would often reprimand employees in front of other employees. He even would mock employees in group meetings. Not surprisingly, he created an environment full of fear and job insecurity.

Managers should praise in public and reprimand only in private. Doing it in private protects the employee’s self-esteem and avoids public embarrassment and even humiliation.

Any manager or potential manager who is a victim of a bad reprimand will find it a useful experience in learning what not to do when it is their turn to give one. Instead of doing it the wrong way, they can learn from that painful experience how to treat employees with respect, even when those employees make a big mistake.

Solving the problem is much better in the long run than punishing the employee.