What We Hide Behind These Masks
By: Darcy Stewart
Tags: Masks

We have entered a new phase — The Era of Face Masks.

It’s new; these physical masks we wear. From right below the eyes, down past the chin, these masks cover over half our face. They shield the expressions that would typically build intimacy and trust between us as humans in society. They stifle our breathing and muffle our conversations with the store clerk.

It’s a phenomenon none of us would’ve predicted a year ago. But, we’ve adapted.

We’ve adapted to our glasses fogging up, fidgeting with ribbons and elastics, new body language cues like extra pointing and eyebrow movements.

We’ve adapted, and we wear them, because we believe they serve a purpose.

Protection.

These physical masks we wear are new to us, however, we’ve been wearing masks for much longer.

As we enter and pass through the next phases of Covid life, face masks will stay part of our lives for a while. Then, in time, we will wear them less and less frequently, until perhaps one day, we will put them away in a drawer, safe and saved, and no longer necessary for our everyday life.

We will be free from that itchy corner where the blue thread is poking out. We will see our neighbors at the grocery store and feel the warmth of their smiles. We will embrace the intimacy of expression as a wall has now dissolved between us.

While our face-mask-wearing-days served to protect us during a time, we will feel the freedom and closeness return as we rid ourselves of these masks.

It’s worth asking, what other masks have we been wearing, and when will we take them off?

We show a piece of ourselves to others, and other parts, we hide.

We hide behind our devices, our earphones, our busyness, our distractions. We hide from others and sometimes, we hide from ourselves, dodging the questions we’re not ready to answer.

Our coworkers may never know we play the banjo or speak elvish, and our friends may never know our nerdy insights saved the company hundreds of dollars. We may never face our demons and reveal a new layer of ourselves to…ourselves.

Maybe we’ve never known a life without our masks, or maybe, we can’t remember. We feel safe with them on. We’re not ready for the unknown exposure.

Like our Covid face masks, the masks we wear serve some sort of purpose in our lives — a protection, a guard up against our fears and insecurities.

Fears of being known as we are, completely, and whole. To expose ourselves fully is un-fkn-comfortable! It will be, until we learn to trust.

All the hiding comes at a cost. When do the masks we wear do us more harm than good?

“Masks make shallow what God has intended to be deep. Everything in our lives get cheated when we choose to hide behind our masks.” — Indianapolis Pastor, Hope Church*

When a mask is worn, we can see each other’s eyes, and we can get a glimpse of expression from the movement of the face. Our new body language cues come into play here, but, our full selves are not revealed.

We cannot see each other’s true expressions. We cannot experience those moments when you smile at each other and receive the natural high of human connection. That sunshine feeling. The connection that establishes basic human trust and sincerity.

It might not seem like we’re missing out on much, but we, as social creatures, need to connect. We need to belong. We want to be known, even when it scares us.

What would it feel like to show our whole selves?

Like taking your bra off after a long day, ladies. The uncomfortable one.

Fellas, like taking off your pants when you get home. Ah yeah. That feeling.

Relief.

Just think. What if we stopped choosing our personalities based on who was on the guest list? What if we expressed our feelings and opinions without fear of being judged — by ourselves or others? What if we reached out when we needed help, and took the guessing out of relationships by having the hard conversations?

How could our lives be different, if we left our masks behind?

At first, it will be uncertain.

Stepping into a new world, wondering if we still need the protection our masks have always provided. Hoping that it is safe.

For a time, it might feel awkward.

As uncomfortable as the masks were to put on, we learned to adapt. To take them off, we will adapt again. We may trip over our words and feel our insecurities come to the surface.

In time, we’ll realize we’re not alone in our feelings, experiences, quirks or fears. Our relationships with each other transform. We understand each other just a little more clearly, and we know ourselves, just a little more deeply.

We’ll find a coworker who also likes dodgeball or is strangely good at 80’s trivia. Our friend’s friend we never talked to before, also is afraid of eye drops. Our neighbor has also been unemployed for 6 months.

Sigh of relief. As the masks come off, our shoulders relax and the extra weight they carry melts away. The worry line between our eyebrows softens just a bit. Our mind gets quieter. We feel that which, as humans, we crave the most — connection.

It’d be nice if there was an easy step by step process, but most of this comes with practice. We get to flex our trust muscles as we try, and try again, hoping it gets easier in time.

The parts of ourselves that we choose to hide are just as much a part of us as the parts we choose to show. When we get through these days of fear, uncertainty and pain and finally put our face masks away in the drawer, will we put away the other masks we’ve been wearing for so much longer, and experience the freedom and fullness of our liberation?

“We weren’t born with masks. We put them on, so we can take them off.”*

*Quotes from Susan Sparks / Posted Oct 2015 / The Masks That We Wear: “Imposter Syndrome” and why we sometimes feel like a fake / https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-your-way-well-being/201510/the-masks-we-wear