The “Honor Block”
By: Plod - Poetry Life Or Death
Tags: Prison Reform, Incarceration, Prison

I live in Unit J2 at the Souza-Baranowski Correctional Center. It’s considered a privilege block because we have a microwave, an (8) gallon hot water dispenser and we’re out of our cells nine hours a day. Speaking of being out during the day, there’s three full-time Correctional Officers — the regulars — who work the day shift (7am to 3pm).

First up, you’ve got Senarius, who’s by far the best of the three. He’s not a white hat, (a white hat’s a C/O that does to much shit for inmates) far from it, but he does his job and only busts balls when it’s necessary (unless he doesn’t like you in which case he might tell you to go fuck yourself). He’s not putting rats, super skinners and pedophiles on alert, but if you’re a fuck-up, or an asshole, he’ll let you know. But, that’s a good thing because you know where you stand with Senarius.

Next up you’ve got, “Beavis.” He’s a strange nut. Middle aged white guy, hair down to his shoulders, very deliberate in his actions and easily led. He’s a follower. Beavis is the type of guy who likes to be collared and fed, his wife runs the show. Beavis has an alpha male complex. He needs that alpha backing up his bullshit to feel whole. Whoever he buddies up with doesn’t need to be a particularly adept alpha male, as long as he’s willing to laugh at Beavis’s corny-ass jokes and guide his wandering thoughts. As a screw, or CO, he keeps to himself. I’ve never heard him threaten an inmate, and as far as I know he hasn’t written a ticket in over a year. For all intensive purposes he’s pretty harmless. He won’t lift a finger to help you, but he’s not out for blood either.

Then there’s Butthead. To say he’s ‘the worst’ would be a huge understatement. He’s the worst C/O ever work the Lifer’s unit. First off, he’s a nitpick about all the shit that doesn’t matter (at Souza). Don’t cover your window (to block the sunlight in the morning), no shit curtains, no cell door window screens, no covering the light to dampen the intense high beam, stand for all counts including 7:20am count in he middle of the winter when your concrete cube’s freezing, and the list goes on and on. See, it’s okay to have one or two pet peeves, in fact, it’s expected. However, when you work in the Lifer’s unit and you’re enforcing all kinds of petty bullshit (like we’re at a medium security prison where pettiness is expected) it raises a question, “What’s up your ass?” In this case, we think it’s a lot of shit stuffed up an extremely tight cornhole. Whatever shit’s up there is packed really tight little balls that look like rabbit shit. Butthead’s a convict’s worst nightmare. A white, middle aged, Trump supporter who’s a wanna’ be alpha male. But, the only man who’ll follow his highness’s high pitched, passive aggressive, attempting to be assertive, squeaky voice, is Beavis. Here’s the fucked up part, when Butthead’s on, Beavis gets all loud & crazy. Then Beavis will starts telling all these lame-ass 1980’s jokes (which Butthead has to chuckle at so he can have a follower), playing music from Journey and The Eagles and talking nonsensical stereotypical political bullshit. It’s infuriating. I have numerous Beavis & Butthead stories that I won’t waste your time with.

Senarius gets respect from cons, he carries himself with dignity. Beavis is ignored by cons, but he gets a little respect when Butthead isn’t around. Butthead is mutually hated by most cons on the unit. There’s also a whole slew of cons who refuse to come over to the lifer’s block b/c of Butthead which is why our count on a (capacity) 64 man block is less than 30 cons.

Yeah, it doesn’t matter who’s working, Butthead’s always a dickhead. He just wouldn’t know how to act any other way. I wouldn’t put it past this guy to manage his wife’s tampon use. “Ah honey, we spoke about this last month, once every eight hours. It clearly states right on the back of the box each Tampax Pearl is good for eight hours without the risk of TSS. According to my “flow” chart you inserted six hours ago. Tsk, tsk, that’s $50 a year we could be putting in little Bradley’s college fund. It begs the question, how many other unnecessary things are yon sticking in your vagina? You just don’t care, do you. You infuriate me!”

Yeah, that’s who these blowhards (administrative idiots) picked to run our, “lifer’s block.”. Hmm, there’s a million decent cops…let’s pick the anal retentive, pretentious, pigheaded asshole, yah, good choice. Once again it just goes to show how hands off the administration is in all areas that call for common sense. I don’t think the Superintendent could find this unit if a Thai hooker was leading him by the penis. Decisions like putting a jackoff in charge of an chill-ass honor block make perfect sense when you’re staring at a lifeless computer screen. But, then there’s this little thing called reality and a true leader should be in touch with that too.