Advice for Pre-College Parents
By: Shikhar Bajaj
Tags: College Application, High School, College, College Advice, College Admissions

It is Winter in Northern California. The rains have started, the daytime temperatures are in the mid-50s (yes, we Californians are soft), and high-school seniors and their parents are stressing over college application deadlines. Having gone through this process last year we know exactly what it is like, or at least what it was like pre-Covid. As our daughter, Muskaan, received numerous acceptances and finally enrolled at the University of California — San Diego, we get a lot of inquiries about tips and advice from parents of sophomores and juniors. I therefore felt that it would be helpful to present our process and experience.

Let me state that I do not have any deep “inside understanding” of college admissions. My expertise consists of having gone through the process with a (now) college freshman and way back in ancient times when I was applying to college. Procedurally the process is fundamentally unchanged: fill out the applications, write the essays, get your recommendations lined up, have your standardized test scores sent, etc. The major difference now is that the process is all digital and online. No more paper. But that seemingly one change has made a world of difference. With the application process now so much easier, colleges have seen applications skyrocket. A 2015 study by UCLA revealed that 30 percent of high-school seniors now apply to 8 or more schools, more than double the number from 10 years earlier. The end result is that the competitive applicant pool is now much larger, particularly at Ivy and other “elite” schools. So, what can one do? Here are the key areas we focused on with Muskaan.

Quantify Your High-Schooler’s “Likes”

This is the first thing that you and your high-schooler should do. It is also arguably the most important and hardest part of the entire process. We started at the beginning of Muskaan’s junior year and it seemed very simple: write down the 3–5 things you enjoy and why? Unless your student already knows that they want to do computer science or medicine, most high-schoolers, and parents for that matter, get intimidated by the sheer breadth of degree options available. Which is the right choice? Rather than discuss what major to pursue, we started from first principles. What do you like to do and is this something that you would want to pursue in professional life? This process is hard. Very hard. Many adults would have a hard time elaborating on 5 things that they truly enjoy. From this exercise one area that was consistently present was art. Muskaan has been studying visual arts since she was six. She had won multiple awards for her paintings and had been tutoring elementary school children for a number of years so the passion was there. There were other items on the list such as business and law but when we kept asking “Why?” it became clear that these were interests but not passions.

So, we had art. Now what? We then began the next level of investigation to understand prospective courses of study. She immediately ruled-out a classical art program as she said that she “wanted to earn a living.” So, what areas of art could lead to fulfilling professional careers? Since my wife and I are both in technology that was an area that we had a natural affinity towards. Design and UX (User Experience) seemed like logical options to us but Muskaan had little understanding of what UX meant. She did not want “to do websites all day.” So, we introduced her to UX professionals in our companies so that she could understand first hand what designers do. That helped tremendously and hence we had a major: Design.

This process took almost 6 months and we did not have a solid decision until around Spring Break. To be sure that was a lot of back-and-forth and mind-changes. This was extremely frustrating at the time but looking back now I see that as purely a by-product of the process. Neither she nor we wanted her to enter Undeclared but we knew it could be very hard to change into one of the more competitive programs later. So we spent the time needed.

Constrain the Options

Once we landed on a major the next big thing that we had to do was constrain the options around where to apply. The options are vast and there are good schools everywhere. Our constraints were decided very early. First, in terms of location it would either be the West Coast or Northeast Corridor (between Boston & Washington D.C.). The West Coast was an easy choice as we are in the San Francisco Bay Area and only a few hours away (by plane or car) from the other major locations on the coast. The Northeast Corridor was also a natural selection as I grew up in NYC and still have family in New Jersey. Given the number of great institutions in these places we saw no reason to look at some unknown location. The other constraint was size. Muskaan wanted a large school where she could explore different courses in the event that Design did not suit her. We supported that position. As a result great specialty schools such as Rhode Island School of Design fell off the list.

In parallel with finalizing the choice on Design, I started to do some basic research on schools that met our location and size constraints. Being a product manager, of course I created a spreadsheet. I listed all the major institutions, their location, student population, average admission criteria (GPA & SAT / ACT), admission rate, and disciplines where they have good reputations. The original list had 27 choices (California State and University of California was 1 spot each). From these we rank ordered the choices and decided the top 12 to apply to.

From these top 12 the next level of due diligence began. This was enumerating application deadlines, financial aid deadlines, number of essays, recommendations required, etc.

We had these mostly done by the beginning of summer. Several schools were later dropped from the original list of 12 so we wound up with 10 institutions. These had a number of stretch schools and some safe schools.

What all this enabled was that we now knew the plan going into the summer. The next part was execution.

Use the Summer Wisely

The summer before the start of Senior year is the most important period you will have. With no classes to worry about this is the time to get as much done before the rush of applications starts in the Fall.

We used that time to accomplish two goals: start on the University of California essays and additional preparation for the standardized tests. Muskaan had taken the SAT once already and her scores were good but not great. She used part of the summer to take a tutoring class and when she took the test again the improvement was small. Rather than try a third time she decided to try the ACT and she did much better with that test so that was the score we submitted.

One piece of advice I would highly recommend is to focus on which test up front: SAT or ACT. Either test is acceptable but the formats are very different. The SAT focuses more on problem-solving and analysis while the ACT is more speed driven. Have your high-schooler take a couple of practice tests to determine which format works best. Also, in my opinion, the first time you take the standardized test is the most important. That is because it sets the baseline for your high-schooler and the College Board. If the scores jump too much between tests (e.g. more than 500 points on the SAT or more than 5 points on the ACT) , you run the real risk of being accused of cheating. While this is not the end of the world (colleges will not be informed of the accusation), it is just not worth the hassle and additional stress. So, aim high the first time.

As an aside many schools, including the University of California, have started no longer mandating standardized tests either temporarily or permanently. That said, if at least one of the schools your student wishes to apply to requires it, then you will need to prepare for it. Else, prune your application list to eliminate all schools where the tests are mandatory.

The second important use of the summer is to start on the essays. The University of California prompts do not usually change; she started on those right away. The applicant had to choose 4 out of 8 prompts. Before writing the first word we spent time looking at the applications for the other schools that she would be applying to. Note, since these applications are not usually released until Sept / Oct we went back to the previous years. The purpose was to get an idea of what questions those other schools may ask so that we could tailor the UC responses appropriately. This is extremely important because the biggest time sink and source of stress will be the essays. Particularly if you are applying to a number of Ivy League or similar schools they can easily have 3–5 unique prompts each. Multiply that by the number of schools and your high-schooler could be on the hook to write 25+ unique essays. Not only will this be frustrating but the quality will suffer. So our approach was to ensure that the essays could be easily altered for each school, as appropriate, without completely rewriting them. In our case this cut down the total number of completely unique essays by at least 50%.

Counselors: Yes or No?

I feel that I would be remiss if I did not touch on the topic of college counselors. Are they worth it is the question that every parent has? Since full-service counselors can easily charge into the five-figures this is not a trivial cost. The answer is, as in all things, that it depends. Let us first understand what a counselor will do and won’t do.

They will:

Guide the student and parents through the entire application process, including financial aid

Help your student organize themselves and plan their time wisely

Help with essays (ideas, proofreading, and critiquing)

Assist in college selection for applications

Help in the decision once all the acceptances are in as well as provide advice on financial aid negotiations (if applicable)

They will NOT:

Guarantee admission to any school (if someone does run away fast)

Write the essays on behalf of the student

Hold your student to a schedule

Given the above, is spending $10,000 — $20,000 worth it? Many parents turn to counselors because of FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt). The college application process can be daunting, particularly for parents that are immigrants and never went to college in the US. There is value in such guidance. Just as financial advisors can provide value on money matters college counselors can help with the application process.

There is also the uncomfortable fact that your teenager probably discounts anything you say or advice you give. But if a third-party such as a counselor says the same thing they will likely listen. For many that is value enough!

Finally, when to bring on a counselor can matter a great deal. If you retain someone in 8th or 9th grade they can provide guidance on classes to take and extra-curricular activities. But by 10th and definitely 11th grade, your teenager’s story has effectively been written. It then becomes a matter of how to tell the story. I cannot help but inwardly smile at the number of non-profits that tend to get started by students in their junior year. Applications officers are well aware of what these are and value them accordingly.

So, in the final analysis, we did NOT hire a counselor. We did hire someone to help get started on the UC essays but after that we were on our own. We were content with our decision then and have not looked back.

Class Selection

Given that we are in Silicon Valley where the kids (and the parents much more so) are ultra-competitive, there is always the question of whether taking more challenging classes, such as Advance Placement, helps on the applications. My opinion (which is shared by every school and college counselor I have spoken with) is that doing well is what is most important. So, loading up on AP classes does not help if the student does mediocre. An ‘A’ in a non-AP class is much, much better than a ‘B’ in an AP class. Some colleges, such as the UC system, give extra credit for Honors / AP classes but many do not. Therefore, it is prudent to plan the class schedule for success and do not overload the schedule just to try to impress admissions officers.

Let your Teenager Own the Process

Your teenager needs to own the process. After all, he / she needs to write the essays. He / she needs to line up the recommendation letters. He / she needs to sign up for the standardized tests and APs….

So, why is that even an issue? As a parent we stress over these things, because we are parents. While it is hard to watch your child flounder and you worry that they will miss key dates or forget something important, the fact is this is their future. This is arguably the first litmus test if they are ready to be on their own, particularly if they are going away for school.

So, do not try to project manage your student. Remind them of key dates and inquire if they need any help but the light hand has the most impact. Just wait and your student will come when they need help. Whether it is essay review, advice on whether they should retake the ACT, etc. You will be amazed at how organized they can become when the need arises.

The one exception to the above is the completion of financial aid forms and the Free Application for Federal Financial Aid (FAFSA). This we handled completely.

Final Analysis

What I have laid out is our experience and process for handling the stressful and maddening college application process for our eldest. In hindsight it worked for us and we will be applying it with our youngest when he is ready in 6 years. Probably the biggest change we would make for our next student is that we will start a bit earlier on the “Likes.” Starting the discussions in sophomore year will give the idea more time to germinate and be explored in depth. But other than that; this is our blueprint.

Best of luck with your student!

(Postscript: The decision to go to a larger institution with many options has paid dividends already as Muskaan has changed majors to Cognitive Science with a UX focus).