EQ in Year 2020
By: Vanessy Cortes
Tags: 2020, Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Health, Self Improvement, Self-awareness

Any mention of the year 2020 turns into a prolonged echo in the ear, sending shivers down the spine. A remembrance of a time of turbulence, we ask ourselves how have we managed thus far? With the U.S. and Iran close to the brink of war; followed by devastating wildfires throughout different parts of the world; a global pandemic disrupting the lives of many; a presidential election like no other before; and injustices dividing the nation flooding the streets with protests, it’s safe to say that living itself has been a challenge. And those are just external challenges. There are internal ones too that are much more catastrophic and severe to our sanity. There is the incessant fear of catching covid-19, the overwhelming stress of lockdown, and the loneliness of quarantine and social distancing that isolates us from the world. Not only is our physical being under attack, but our emotional self too. And when I look back to a time when I was caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, the only thing that grounded me was the pursuit of stillness and rationality. Zen some may call it, others Emotional Intelligence. Either way, I feel as if the entirety of the world could use a refresher on the subject.

If 2020 had happened, let’s say seven years ago, I don’t believe I would have had the mentality, let alone the heart, to withstand it all. Throughout my years of childhood and adolescence, I was an exceedingly emotional person. From one end of the emotional spectrum to the other, I felt with so much intensity. Whether I was feeling rage, joy, or despair, the weight of my emotions was too unbearable to carry. It was difficult for me to control them, and I veered towards irrational thinking. And it wasn’t until after a bad break up that I no longer wanted to become the victim of my emotions. Instead, I wanted to become aware of them, to label their source, and to have better manage them. I wanted to become rational. Often, people think being rational means suppressing your emotions and not feeling them, but in reality, rationality involves clarity. So, I spent my time, as if I were a psychology student, studying and devouring information on emotional intelligence until I felt I was in control, well, mostly in control of situations that sparked my emotions.

The art of identifying and managing your emotions, Emotional Intelligence (EQ)is an intriguing subject that has gained popularity in the late 21st century and is considered to be superior to standard intelligence. I’ve read countless articles and books, listened to lectures and podcasts, and learned from those who also immersed themselves in the subject like Daniel Goleman, Alan Watts, and Robert Greene to name a few. Goleman, a psychologist and writer, believes that emotional intelligence is more important than standard intelligence and it includes five key elements in harnessing its knowledge: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Watts, who died in 1973 and never heard the term emotional intelligence before (it was coined in 1996), took on a more philosophical approach with emotions and lectured the importance of awareness and the practice of Zen — which is the practice of meditation and seeing into the nature of one’s own being. Greene’s works, on the other hand, I resonated with the most.

Robert Greene is an American author with bestselling books like the 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, and The Laws of Human Nature. With an extensive study on the history of human emotions and behavior, I find myself rereading his books now more than ever. Throughout his life, Greene has dealt with the dark side of human emotions, both of his and of others. Just like myself, he no longer wanted to be a victim, so he studied and continues to study human psychology. Greene has also started a series of podcasts, commenting on 2020 and how he sees the relations between his books and current times. He began his latest book, The Laws of Human Nature, with the chapter on the law of irrationality, and wrote about how we constantly experience waves of emotions and how we allow them to affect our thinking, making us lean towards thoughts that soothe our ego. He states rational people are aware of this process, and with much effort and practice on introspection, they can subtract their emotions from their actions and decision-making. However, it is not always easy to be aware of what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that certain emotion, especially when the emotion is strong, like fear. Fear is known to be the oldest and strongest emotion known to mankind, even causing physical distress to the body. To Greene, he sees this emotion prevalent in today’s time, creating another pandemic. Not only are we in a pandemic of the coronavirus, but also a pandemic of irrationality.

When the virus made its way to U.S. soil, with media outlets reporting its deaths in the country, people began to panic. It unleashed a frenzy of toilet paper buying, thousands of videos of people disputing over the use of a mask, and a rise of “deaths of despair”. According to a new study, done by Well Being Trust (WBT) and the Robert Graham Center for Policy Studies in Family Medicine and Primary Care, “More Americans could lose their lives to deaths of despair, deaths of drug, alcohol, and suicide, due to rampant unemployment, isolation, and an uncertain future. Deaths of despair have been on the rise for the last decade, and in the context of COVID-19, deaths of despair should be seen as the epidemic within the pandemic.” They estimate that the additional deaths of despair could range from 27,644 with a quick recovery of those issues to 154,037 with a slow recovery of the issues.

What this tells me is that we are all living in fear. That we are collectively in a state of irrationality, fueled by many catastrophes in the year 2020, along with social media and news outlets exasperating it all. No one wants to hear that they are irrational or crazy, trust me, I know. Before, I would find myself yelling at the top of my lungs from thoughts and scenarios my emotions fabricated. I’ve felt crazy before. But I believe to survive these turbulent times, with our sanity in tack, we must be aware that we are prone to emotional instability and becoming crazy. I believe once we become aware of our emotions the moment we are feeling them — despite how intense the emotion can be — what causes them, and why we let them affect us, which essentially is the foundation of emotional intelligence, we can heal from this pandemic of irrationality. There isn’t a guide or to do list on how to cultivate emotional intelligence. For me, and within any given AA meeting, the first step was admitting that there is a problem. By admitting and being aware of our irrationality, we can heal.