3 Questions to Help You Stop Feeling Unlucky
By: May Pang
Tags: Self Improvement, Personal Development, Life Lessons, Self, Life

Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

The entire premise of the parable is that our judgment of an event creates the accompanying emotion.

So, to not have our happiness or suffering be completely controlled by external events, we need to learn to think differently about how we label them.

Here are three questions to help you reframe your situation:

1. Can you think of events in your life that seemed incredibly unlucky at the time but later turned out to be positive?

Let me help you out with some examples:

A devastating breakup that turned out to be a good thing when you later found the love of your life.

Getting laid off which finally allowed you to turn your passion project into a full-time profession.

Having a mental breakdown which finally forced you to learn coping mechanisms and deal with your trauma.

Developing a disease which kickstarted your journey into wellness and helped you build an empire (think Dave Asprey of Bulletproof Coffee fame).

2. Think of something in your life that feels unlucky now. Can you think of any future outcome (no matter how ludicrous) in which this unlucky thing could be positive?

In biology, there is a phrase known as eustress. The prefix “eu” is derived from the Greek word meaning “good” and the word translates to “good stress.”

The point is this — almost all significant growth in our lives, whether it is building muscles, becoming more emotionally resilient, or developing a better immune system, must be precipitated with a period of stress. The outcome of that stress — whether it builds you up or breaks you down — is entirely up to you. If you cannot imagine a positive external outcome from your current suffering, at least know that any event you experience can be a catalyst to internal personal growth.

3. Think of the events in both points 1 and 2 — did/will any of it matter in 5 years?

Eight years ago, I was a rising star in my company. I was tasked to run increasingly complex projects that were at the boundary of my experience level. One day, one of the large projects I was running went south and we nearly got fired by an important client. To make matters worse, this project was a high profile endeavor that was prominently featured in the news. At the time, I was convinced that the failure was entirely mine and that it would forever tarnish everything I had worked so hard for to that point.

I was wrong.

We think people think about us more than they actually do. Were there repercussions? Sure. Was it as bad as I thought it would be? Definite not. In fact, the client cared more about how we responded to our failure far more than the fact that we actually failed. That project launched a whole new trajectory for my career and today, my main role is to fix problem projects.

Whether it’s a relationship heartbreak or a career setback, most negative things will seem irrelevant in 5 years. When I look back now, I can honestly say that the event was a blessing. Learning to confront a difficult situation in the real world gave me the confidence to deal with far worse problems in the future. It was a lesson no MBA could ever teach me.

But would I say it was lucky or unlucky? I would say it doesn’t matter what I label it — then or now. The event that I thought would define my career seems insignificant in the grand scheme of everything else I have experienced in the last 5 years.