A Captain’s Address
By: Mel Piper
Tags: Satire, Science Fiction, Space, Pets, Authoritarianism

Dear passengers,

This is your captain speaking. I am sorry I have to inform you that we have navigated into unknown territory. Well, not totally unknown, but rather detached. That is to say on our journey up to this point we had been rather successful in ignoring the possibility of such territory. Alas, it would appear that now we have arrived.

And apparently we are unprepared. I am sorry but I have to inform you that the likeliness of death has been confirmed. Numbers increase thereby confirming what we suspected all along. I apologise for this. But we are, rest assured, still steering the ship. And we have a pretty good idea of where we are going.

So I am addressing you at this hour, dear passengers and fellow humans, to reassure you. Reassure you that we will prevail. Or at least some of us will. And while we are guiding the ship into an exciting and new future, I ask you to do one thing — (an air-hydraulic door shuts somewhere above the gallery)

A fu-future that is uncertain and worryingly unstable. A future that, I am certain, will reveal its possibilities and riches to us as we inch closer to its entry point. A future — I am sorry, my dear passengers, fellow humans, it appears I am digressing (the captain clears his throat).

I am asking only one thing of you, to write a list of unimportant things in life. I believe that in life, and especially in times such as these, there are never enough unimportant things to consider. Unimportant things in life are often much more important than important things in life, which is why I feel we shan’t ever resist the temptation to allow them into our lives in the first place. The unimportant things. Especially in times such as these.

To give you an example, let me tell you about my list of unimportant things in life:

Hanging plants. One can never have enough plants in one’s cabin. I am the captain. One should think that my cabin is significantly bigger than most others’ on this ship, which may or may not be true. But utility space is surprisingly scarce in my quarters. The answer to that: Hanging plants. They clean the air and they grow. And they are pretty. If I wetted your taste for your very own hanging plant, please visit the ship’s plant shop. They currently have a solid selection of hanging plant cuttings. Pets. I don’t have one myself, because I have my plants, but they are, I believe, quite remarkable. They may not even be unimportant enough to be on the list of unimportant things and they aren’t things, (he chuckles) but for me this goes to show that we humans should always keep an eye out for pets. As they are the descendants of the ancient wild animals, they are so dear, are they not. So go leave you quarters and check out the pet shop while your at it! Chocolate. also fried foods, chips, cheese and crisps.

As you can imagine, dear fellow humans, the list goes on and on and on. But I won’t bore you with it, instead please have a go at it yourself. Write down your most unimportant things, and then when you are finished, social officer Brie here will collect them, and the best list of unimportant things with receive an award. (The captain hesitates) What the award will-eh be, will be decided upon at a later date.

So thank you all, for listening. And again apologies for the inconveniences this new situation may cause you. But again, I firmly believe, that this new territory ahead of us is new for a reason, and that we are ready to find out, what that reason is.

Thank you!

The captain wants to drop the mic but decides against it at the last moment.