The Path of Least Resistance
By: Solomon Hillfleet
Tags: Politics, Communication, Relationships, Culture, Feminism

Daily discussions with my friends, many of whom are men and women of color tend to be progressive, to say the least.

My male friends and I discuss male privilege and gender norms quite frequently, lamenting the current role that straight men of color occupy in this ever-changing politically correct world.

Regardless we find ourselves more often than not accepting that what we think and know is not always the case. In our zeal to be right, we take time to admit that how others feel is often true and valid.

We check our anger and acknowledge that others anger is just as real and important. We then end our conversations wishing the women in our lives would do the same.

Through the use of various social media outlets from Groupme to Facebook and Twitter, I’ve been blessed to meet a number of awesome women, many of whom have taught me the ways of the world in ways I never knew.

These women have introduced me to literature, movies, and schools of thought that were foreign in my life and upbringing. They’ve given me platforms to share my writing and embraced my flaws in my work.

I love them. Why then do I feel as if I’d be better off avoiding conversations with them sometimes?

Lectures yield little results and debates aren’t one-sided

Photo Courtesy of Pixabay

Debates are defined as a discussion where the opposing sides are discussed. While I don’t think you will agree with people on everything, I struggle with conversations where the other side cannot acknowledge or concede the legitimate claims of the other.

In other words, if we talk and you disagree with everything I say and fail to see any point I make, we did not have discourse. We, in fact, had a lecture.

Especially when you are lecturing someone who knows the merits of what you’re saying and fundamentally agrees. A lecture on respecting the rights of humans regardless of their orientation and identity is pointless because I not only understand but agree.

What was accomplished in that moment is that I decided to no longer have a conversation with you.

At that moment you showed that my thoughts were not valid.

The irony of treating someone as if they are invalid is also not failing to dawn on me either.

Feelings aside, conflict is inevitable. Men and women typically view and respond to things differently and so in that exchange misunderstandings take place.

Fire Burns

What is troubling to me lately is not the disagreements, but how vehemently I find myself disagreeing with the women in my life.

What starts out as trivial becomes epic when the people involved fail to give up an inch. The hardest thing to do in a debate is to admit that there is a chance you are wrong.

So rather than admit it, people opt to keep ego first and instead double down. The path of least resistance is to do what has always been done and that is to stand by their guns.

Unwilling to be driven by my ego, I usually concede on some point. If I get too drawn in, I step back. Far from running from a situation, I view it as a better alternative than berating my opponent.

What comes off in that moment is that I am running from a conversation. How can I run from something that does not exist?

More so what would you have me do when I am talking with someone who fails to see who I am? Damned if I speak, damned if I leave.