10 Things People Who Struggle with Their Mental Health Should Know
By: Alexandra Rose
Tags: Mental Illness, Anxiety, Mental Health, Therapy, Ocd

Copyright @ Alexandra Rose

10 Things People Who Struggle with Their Mental Health Should Know

2020 is the year I finally decided to start therapy specifically for my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety. It’s been life changing to say the least. I’ve learned coping mechanisms and new ways to process my thoughts that have helped me to heal myself. In addition to practicing Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I’ve been reading books on self-compassion, vulnerability & shame, and mindfulness, all of which have been beneficial to me. Honestly, if I didn’t have these coping mechanisms, I’m not sure how I would have made it through the dumpster fire that was 2020. Here are some key things I think people with and without mental illness should know about mental health.

You can’t think your way out of something.

Overthinking is your kryptonite. Before therapy, I always felt I had to solve something or find the answer, especially if it was an intrusive thought. In reality, you don’t have to do anything. Ruminating over your thoughts will never give you the answer. Anxiety often makes you feel like it’s a requirement to over-think something into oblivion; but when it comes to situations where thinking is no longer useful, it’s best to just stop engaging. You have to accept that you might never know the answer to your worries. That your worst fears may come true. That everything is uncertain and that only productive action will lead you to the life you want.

2.) You can still live according to your values even if you’re having a bad day.

When I was at my worst with my mental illness, I’d often waste the day surfing the internet and believe I could only have a good day if I didn’t struggle with intrusive thoughts or anxiety. You can probably imagine that this mentality caused a lot bad days for me. Just because you’re not feeling well or struggling doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to live according to your values. Maybe you feel like shit, but you still deserve to take that walk outside, put on that red lipstick, read for fun, do yoga, or FT with a friend. You might cry a little during that walk outside, get lipstick on your skin, or only manage to read 5 pages or do 5 yoga poses, but every time you choose to live your values, you are winning. Additionally, don’t put pressure on yourself to have good mental health on “special days” such as vacations, holidays, or get togethers. Since therapy, I’ve learned I can still have intrusive thoughts and have a wonderful time. Your mental illness isn’t going to magically disappear on Christmas or Hanukkah. Every day you’re alive is a special day and it’s okay for anxiety to show up. On that note….

3.) Anxiety isn’t something to be afraid of.

For years, I believed I would only have a good life if my anxiety would just vanish. But what I wish I could tell my younger self is that anxiety isn’t a bad thing. We’ve been hardwired since the dawn of time to feel anxiety to keep us safe from threats in the wild, such as lions, tigers, and bears. Even though bears and lions are no longer an everyday threat, our brains can’t tell the difference between the anxiety we feel when we see a wild animal or that upcoming exam. However, those who struggle with a disorder that involves anxiety often have a faulty response and will over react to many thoughts and situations as though there are lions, tigers, and bears everywhere. (oh, my!) Well then you should try to get rid of the anxiety, right? Wrong! I followed down this path for years and only made myself more anxious. The best thing you can do is acknowledge anxiety’s presence and continue to pursue your values despite feeling anxious. For instance, driving in unfamiliar places makes me feel like I’m facing a bear that’s hungry, but I value my independence, mobility, travel, and (when its not covid) seeing friends and family. Therefore, even though driving sometimes scares the shit out of me, I do it anyways because my values are more important than my fear.

4.) Thoughts aren’t as important as you think they are.

The mind is an innovative and creative storyteller. Unfortunately, the stories that our minds like to tell us are often not accurate. Thoughts are just a string of words and only hold importance if you choose to make them significant. And believe me, not all thoughts are meant to be held with such importance. Just because you have an intrusive thought about whether or not you have breast cancer because your boobs hurt (and yes, I’ve had that thought) doesn’t automatically mean it’s true. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such things as a good or bad thought, just thoughts. It’s your intentions and actions that matter, not your thoughts. Also, I have found that whenever I get caught up in a merry-go-round of thoughts, I like to take what I learned from the ACT book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and think about whether or not my thoughts are helping me. If they are no longer helpful or weren’t helpful in the first place, then I just let them go.

5.) It’s okay to sit with discomfort.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Discomfort is the only way we can truly blossom into the humans we want to be. A huge part of ERP therapy is sitting with the uncomfortable emotions that occur when being exposed to a triggering stimulus and not giving into compulsions. You can survive discomfort. No matter how awful you might feel in the moment, the discomfort will subside. Ever since I was a kid, I always felt I had to talk about my feelings or resolve unpleasant emotions because I thought I wouldn’t be able to bear the intensity of them. But you know what, you can go to bed angry, wake up the next morning, and be just fine. Sitting with discomfort builds resilience and courage. Uncomfortable thoughts and situations are going to come up again and again, so rather than continuing to run away from discomfort, it’s best to have the tools to deal with it.

6.) Mindfulness isn’t trying to get rid of bad thoughts; it’s about accepting the moment as it is.

During my college years, I thought that mindfulness and meditation was supposed to get rid of my “bad” thoughts and feelings. And it worked…until it didn’t. I’d always feel discouraged if I still had racing thoughts or felt my heart beating quickly after a meditation session. However, I have recently learned that is not the point of meditation or mindfulness. I think I got caught up in the promise of relaxation, but in reality, mindfulness is about experiencing the moment exactly as it is. It’s about noticing your thoughts from afar rather than becoming involved with them. It’s about bringing awareness to body sensations that we often forget exist because we’re so caught up in our minds. Most importantly, it’s about accepting our life as it is right now. For people with mental health conditions, meditation can be uncomfortable or be an exposure in itself, because we’re so used to trying to get rid of our thoughts rather than sit with them. Even though mindfulness can’t guarantee relaxation, it can ground you in the present moment, take you off the catastrophic train, and help you learn to sit with your thoughts and feelings rather than fight them.

7.) Therapy is amazing if you can find the right type of therapy for you.

ERP therapy has been a game changer for me. However, the wrong type of therapy can hinder progress or even be detrimental to someone’s mental health. For instance, I have OCD and need the gold standard treatment Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP.) If a therapist doesn’t understand how to treat OCD, they can wind up perpetuating the obsessive-compulsive cycle or aid in the rumination of thoughts. Make sure to look up evidence-based therapies that have been successful for your particular mental health condition before booking with a therapist who claims they can treat all. Also, don’t be afraid to ask prospective therapists questions about what percentage of their clients have the same mental illness as you and how much experience they have with the particular therapy you’re looking for.

8.) You have no control over what happens.

Anxiety likes to give the illusion that we have control over what happens in the future. No matter how much you wish for something not to happen, life’s going to do what it’s going to do. Fact is, even though I always wear my mask, I could still contract covid, give it to my mom, and she could die. Fact is, my mom could also die driving her car, crossing the street, or getting some other disease besides covid. The only thing I can do is take precautions when going out of the house, but that’s it. What is in my control though is that my mom is alive at this moment and I can spend time with her now. No matter how many times you try to create a so-called action plan or solution in your mind, you can’t control what actually happens. The motto I now go by is live in the present and if the bad thing happens, I will cope.

9.) Recovery isn’t linear.

Unfortunately, a lot of tv shows & movies like to portray someone with mental illness getting help and then they’re back to “normal.” During the beginning of my treatment, I would get down on myself if I gave into a compulsion or unhelpful thought patterns. It would make me feel like I hadn’t made any progress at all. After all, because I got help, wasn’t I supposed to get that happily ever after resolution? Struggles with mental illnesses though are a life-long battle. There will be times when you have great days, months, years even, but you can also slide backwards and feel like you’re back at square one. It’s a lousy feeling. However, once you have a mental health toolkit, you can always recover and progress in a forward direction. Don’t feel discouraged if your recovery journey looks more like a squiggle on a page rather than a straight line. It’s also important to have self-compassion towards yourself and recognize that you have a mental illness. You wouldn’t yell at yourself if you broke your foot and couldn’t walk around the neighborhood, so why would you yell at yourself if your brain is unwell?

10.) Life Begins Now.

It is possible to have a life filled with joy and still have a mental health condition. For years, my brain lied to me and told me I could only have a wonderful life if I “solved” my intrusive thoughts. But I can have an amazing life and still have OCD and Generalized Anxiety. The difference now is that I work with my mental health conditions rather than fight against them. You are more than just your mental illness. If you’re struggling, I highly encourage you to get professional help and not wait until you hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, therapy is expensive and inaccessible to many and this needs to change. Mental health care needs to be treated as a human right and it is my sincere hope this will be recognized someday. However, there are ways to get treatment and/or support that aren’t as expensive and I’ve listed some resources below. You might have a mental illness, but you aren’t defined by it. You are a mental health warrior who deserves a big and beautiful life.

Resources:

National Suicide Prevention 24 Hour Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255

Trans Lifeline: 1–877–565–8860

The Trevor Project: 1–866–488–7386

International OCD Foundation Find Help Directory: https://iocdf.org/

ERP School — an online course facilitated by Kimberly Quinlan, a licensed therapist who specializes in OCD treatment and is clinically trained in ERP. This online course will take you through how to do ERP yourself and is priced at the cost of what can be one ERP session. There are also payment plans available.: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp

Anxiety and Depression Association of America Find Help Directory: https://adaa.org/

Federally Funded Healthcare Centers Directory for those without health insurance or a limited budget: https://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/

Article on Options if You Can’t Afford Therapy: http://careforyourmind.org/what-to-do-when-you-cant-afford-therapy/#more-1447

Mental Health America Find Support Groups Directory: https://www.mhanational.org/find-support-groups

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Support Groups: https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups

Podcasts: Your Anxiety Toolkit & The OCD Stories