My Uno Plan for Getting the Kids Off Screens this Summer
By: Kerry Thorne Kenney
Tags: Uno, Parenting Teenagers, Summer Vacation, Covid, Board Games

My Uno Plan for Getting the Kids Off Screens this Summer

I do not see my 13 year old son unless he wants food. Every three hours he comes around like a feral cat and asks for something to supplement the jerky and Fire Cheetos he lives on in his bedroom. My 16 year old wears headphones all day and is mostly in his bed with a laptop open chatting with friends on Discord. I do not know what Discord is.

During 2020 the bedroom of my children became their paradise and their sanctuaries…at the age of wanting to distance from parents, but cut off from friends. At least, I cut off my kids from their friends…or their parents cut them off from my kids. I lost sight of who threw down first.

I did not know on Friday, March 13 2021 that when I rolled out of bed I was actually rolling up and up on that first hill of a new roller coaster. At 3 the school sent out a universal text that they were closed for spring break…and then, indefinitely. The kids came off the bus and have not been back on for 18 months.

We had done a bang up job of resisting the 13 year old’s requests for a phone. I bought him a phone within ten days. Then an X-Box, his first game console. I recognize I was lucky to have the money to give him these things. I was worried what the loss of his society was doing. I had no plan. I caved because I had the money to cave. I caved on almost everything because my 13 year old does not articulate his inner life. If I say “how are you? how are you doing, he replies “Am I in trouble?” I was freaked out by the enormous change…everywhere.

My son was evasive. Popping downstairs to hit the pantry and then walking upstairs backwards saying with a big smile “no thanks” if I tried to engage him. He is red-headed and puckish. He looks like he is fine and makes me laugh. The 16 year old likes to talk to adults so he would come down in the evening and we would watch Minecraft videos by a content creator named Dream. I think Dream is a millionaire.

A few days ago, I came into my 13 year old’s room. He is twice vaccinated, good to go, but still in his room. He was watching a game of UNO on YouTube. The people on the video had house rules and were laughing. My son was laughing. I said how are you? Is this UNO? he said, “Yes mom,” eyes on TV. He is polite and that is how he gets away with everything. If I ask him to do something he does it right away and back in his room again.

UNO UNO UNO — — this is the way, or at least a way I will try. This summer UNO will save my family. This summer, we will have kids over, teens laughing again. I will make popcorn and order pizza. I will crank out food and lure them in. I know they will keep coming back if I have enough food. It was the way it was in the time before.

Wish me luck. I ordered a few decks of UNO cards from e-bay…Giant sized ones, WWE ones, Harry Potter, a standard deck. I bought an old flashing UNO gadget that randomizes turns from E-bay…24.00 and free shipping. Yes. Are we all guilty of shopping our way out of this mess?

I ordered a gadget that counts down and then shoots cards at you. I ordered headbands from Amazon. I googled other house rules. I read forums on Board Game Geek. And I began.

I sat down that night and banged out house rules. They are RIDICULOUS. They are over the top. It is important for you to know that my boys are/were rambunctious and very physical. They do things like throw tissue boxes at each other and say “have a tissue” when someone expresses disappointment. These might not be for you, but maybe you will tweak them. Or just laugh.

First rule for house rules is no food or drink on the table. Also, play with 2 decks and everyone gets a towel to sit on you will see why. You will also need a hair dryer, D20, D6, blindfold, headbands for each player or duct tape and everyone must have socks on. You can provide socks. Take those cards and tape little papers with the rule number or name. Don’t worry about making it Pinterest worthy, the worst your custom card looks the more they will love it. I promise.

— Fearless Full Tilt UNO House Rules —

1.If you can’t play a card you lose. If you drop your hand because you have too many cards you lose. If you lose you have to wear a head band on your forehead that says LOSER and get anyone a drink if they ask you for one for the duration of the game or entire night up to the other players.

2. Make a custom dog card, play card and next player misses their turn and has to run around a tree in the back yard barking and howling. If everyone agrees their howling sucks then everyone gives you a card. Your howling will probably always suck unless you really make it GOOD. Players can film you barking and howling and after game upload it with tag #UNOhouserules.

3. If the face up card matches your card you can slap it down out of turn before the other person plays and that person misses their turn. If you are awesome and manage a slap with a Giant Uno card then player that missed their turn has to wear a blindfold for the round play a card from their hand without looking at it and suffer the consequences because you are so slow that someone was able to play a giant uno card whilst you fooled around. Drawing a card before the slap counts as taking your turn. While you are blindfolded you will not know what card was played. All players in the round must say the name of the card that they are playing and you have to believe them and follow the rule.

4. If you play a yellow 5 you can slap the hand of the person next to you. If they can play a yellow 5 they can slap you back in the hand. Do not be a jackass and slap someone super hard unless you make slap rule crybaby level. If Brady is playing you cannot make the hard slap rule because he has a black belt and he is allowed to use it on you.

5. Make a draw 27 card and you have to draw every other card from the giant Uno deck. If you don’t want to draw 27 cards you have to go on the back porch and pour a cup of water on the crown of your head so that the water runs over your face and down the back of your shirt. If you have a 4 in your hand you can use a hair dryer to dry off. You can trade a card from your hand for a 4 from another player. Better make it a good one or else it is tiny shower city for you.

6. When the zero is drawn place it in discard pile everyone runs into the family room throws their cards in the air, and everyone has to draw 10 cards from the deck and start over. The person to the LEFT of the person that drew the zero has to pick up all the cards. If you knock over your chair you have to take 20 cards.

7. If you play a green two give 2 cards from your hand to someone else OR they can run around the first floor barking and excite the dogs.

8. Pain can be summed. If someone plays a draw 2 or draw 4 card on you and you can match it the draw penalty passes to the next player. If other players chant GIANT UNO then you have to draw from Giant Uno deck. This will make it easier for them to ultimately drop their hand and lose.

9. If someone plays a 5 and any other player plays a 2 then the player to the RIGHT of the player that played the 2 has to give their hand to the player to THEIR right and that player will throw your cards into the air. Then you have to pick up your cards while making crying noises. If the dogs bark while you are crying then everyone has to draw a card.

10. If you can play a 5 + 2 in a row of any color you can make someone hand you their deck and you throw it into the living room and they have to cry mommy mommy in a very dramatic way that will excite the dogs. If you do a good job and dogs bark then everyone at table has to draw three cards.

11. If someone plays a blue 8 the player that is next has their turn skipped and has to play the round coming up with their mouth open and their tongue hanging out moaning softly in pain.

12. Play a red 9 and every one has to throw thumb up on forehead last person to do it has to draw 9 cards. If you want them to draw from the giant Uno deck than everyone has to drum their hands on the table and chat BIG BIG BIG.

13. IF you play a skip card + a two card you can make the next two players skip their turn.

14. Make a mistake penalty — player that makes a mistake with house rules they have to take two cards from everyone. IF a player is unable to give you two cards you have to draw two cards from the deck and wear a headband that says CLUELESS for next five rounds.

15. Shout 3 and everyone at the table can put down a three than the one that can’t has to take entire discard pile.

16. Summing is allowed. If you make a mistake and play cards that don’t sum on the sum discard pile than you have to take the entire sum discard pile. Summing can be addition, subtraction or division.

17. If you can sum a card that equals the card showing you can discard into second discard pile. No one can slap those cards. No house rules on that stack. It is the only the sum pile.

18. Take sum cards and lay them face down, as you flip over sum cards say the sum if you make a mistake every player can give you three cards. This rule includes chain summing.

19. Play a cat card and the player to the right of you has run around the kitchen to family room to excite the dogs and then go in family room and stretch on the floor meowing while the dogs attack them.

20. Play custom D20 card and roll a D20 and person next to you has to pick the amount on the D20.

21. Play a draw 4 and hand person D6 dice if you want and that person has to draw based on dice roll. If they roll under a 4 you have to draw 4 cards.

22. If you see that someone has only two cards in their hand and you can get your socks off before they go out you win.

23. Chain summing. Summing can be adding/subtracting/dividing/multiplying and you can sum from one equation to the next equation. Remember the sock rule if you come down to two cards.

There are so many different UNO decks, like Lion King or Harry Potter or Barbie or my favorite WWE cards — the pictures scream for a house rule. Go over the top with a second deck of giant UNO cards, they are as big as your ribcage. I found my giant UNO cards are on E-Bay for reasonable price with free shipping. They are overpriced on Amazon.

Good luck to any of my fellow parents that lost their kids to screens during 2020.