“Dear Dad, I got married!”
By: Raunaq Mangottil
Tags: Entrepreneur, Father, Wedding, Marriage, Fully Filmy

Dear Accha,

It’s gonna be 14 years since you passed away. I’m not going to lie: I don’t really miss you. Because, we were never really close, were we? You never hit me, never really scolded me or punished me; but what really bothers me, is that you never really spoke to me before you left.

If you remember, we had a very strange father-son connection, and I can think of 2 random incidents that kind of define our relationship.

The first incident happened when I was around 11 or 12. I don’t remember it very clearly, but I came to you to ask for 10 rupees to buy a tennis ball, and you just said NO. I asked you WHY and you just said NO and shooed me away. At that moment, I was angry with you because you didn’t give me 10 rupees when every other boy in the colony would would easily get much more from their respective fathers. But after that, to this very day, I am angry with you because you never cared to tell me WHY. Maybe you were having a bad day and you needed some time alone. Maybe you were busy. But it was almost always like this. You were almost always…never there.

The second incident is something I remember very very clearly. I was 16 years old. As all of my friends knew, I was never into sports. But I knew you were. You liked watching cricket and football and hockey, and on August 19, 2006, the new season of English Premier League was about to start and though I hate watching football, I wanted to watch it with you, as an effort to spend some quality time with my father. But before we could do that, at around 5 pm that day, you died.

These 2 incidents have become metaphors for our lives: a father who would never let his children get too close to him and as a result, miss out on the moments that define their lives. A son who would grow up to be a bit like his father, realising he doesn’t let people get too close to him either, and try to spend the rest of his life trying to change that.

And since I could never show you in person, I want to give you a little update on a few things you’ve missed out on.

While you were there, you knew me as an average child who scored average grades and even started failing in school during your last few months, but you never let me show you that I could get into an engineering college on merit, even though I don’t consider that as one of my personal achievements.

You never let me cry in front of you that I hated every moment of Engineering, like I cried in front of Amma.

You never let me show you that I could grind my teeth and get through those torturous four years with a history of just 1 arrear. Now that was an achievement.

You never let me show you that I could immediately get a job in an IT company.

You never saw me leave this city for the first time to live on my own and how I cried to Amma because I was scared. Yeah I know…I cry a lot.

You never saw me reach a breaking point in life, drowning myself in self-pity, and finally finding the courage to change my career path from IT to do what I was born to do.

You never saw me working late nights, getting promotions, and then quitting my job to start my own company with my friends and growing it to one of the most loved brands with lakhs of customers all over the world.

You never saw me win awards, get published across newspapers or get interviewed by journalists for the little work I’ve done so far.

You never even met the girl I married. Yeah, I just got married. And you would’ve loved to meet her.

And it’s not just me. You were never there to see your wife; my mother, shuffle different careers and the politics that comes along, save money, put 2 kids through school and college, set them up to be independent, build the most enviable house in the neighbourhood on her own, get 3 kids married while being with them through every joy, sorrow, heartbreak, pain, celebration, tantrum, struggle, defeat and victory.

Or maybe you are watching us. Maybe you’re up there, binge-watching our lives like seasons on Heaven’s own version of Netflix with a drink of Old Monk in your hand. And while you’re enjoying yourself watching all the drama of the best and worst moments of my life even if you weren’t here to experience it with me, I want you to know this: I forgive you. Even if you left me pretty early with just a few memories and more insecurities to deal with, I forgive you, and want you to know that all of us, including me, are doing okay. And I’m gonna try my best to keep you entertained.

And now, you can go back to enjoying the show without any guilt. Season 29 is about to begin.

Love,

Your Son forever,

Ronu