Trans Men Are Not Gender Traitors
By: Cassius Corbin
Tags: Feminism, Gender, Self, Transgender, LGBTQ

One of the first things my mother said to me when I came out as trans was, “Can’t you just be a boy on the inside and a girl on the outside?

It hurt.

We were headed down the highway to the closest clinic prescribing hormones. An hour-and-a-half away and across state lines, I figured the drive would be a good time to discuss my transness with her. I would have my first testosterone shot that day and brought her along as support.

“Because I’m not a girl,” I remember saying. “I never was.”

I understood Mom’s worries. I had recently applied for a position at the local college. She feared if my transness became noticeable, I wouldn’t get the job — a job I desperately needed and was qualified for (and one I later didn’t get).

I couldn't live in a lie anymore. I was a trans man, always had been, and entering my late-20s, it was time to make that reality known.

I came out in a time where transgender identities had become mainstream knowledge. Growing up, I had never heard of the word transgender. I barely knew what gay or lesbian meant, either.

From a young age, I knew I didn’t fit into my assigned-female-at-birth body. I spent years rationalizing my feelings by calling myself a masculine female lesbian. Lesbian didn’t fit, either. In my heart, I knew who I really was, and it wasn’t a woman.

It took years of self-reflection and discussion to come to terms with my truth: I am a trans man — not a woman, not a lesbian. A man.

But to a select few in our community, coming to terms with who you are isn’t something to be celebrated. Trans men are, in these people’s words, gender traitors.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

This week welcomed another member to the trans community after actor Elliot Page, known for his work in hits like “Juno” and “The Umbrella Academy,” came out as trans non-binary.

“I can’t begin to express how remarkable it feels to finally love who I am enough to pursue my authentic self,” Elliot wrote in a letter posted to social media.

The LGBTQ+ community exploded with joy at the announcement. But then there were the Debbie-downers, who were quick to dampen the mood.

“I honestly worry that we are going to see less and less strong women because they can just be men,” wrote one user on Twitter.

Another wrote how their “heart … breaks as the lesbian community grows smaller. Again. And loses a role model. Again.” The same writer also deadnamed Elliot in their post.

“I find it depressing how many young lesbians now feel that, because they do not perform or feel invested in conventional femininity, they can no longer be women,” they added. “And so they shift from identifying as lesbian women to straight men. Compulsory heterosexuality all over again.”

Excuse me?

Being LGBTQ+ isn’t about tallying which “letter” has the most bodies. This isn’t a war recruiting lesbians on one side and trans-masculine or non-binary persons on the other.

It isn’t a betrayal of one community by living in authenticity as part of a different one.

I did not become a trans man because I wasn’t “invested in conventional feminity.” I became a trans man because I am a man. And in embracing my truth, I feel more in tune with the masculine and feminine parts of myself.

No one pushed me to become a man. I know plenty of lesbian women who present masculine but continue to identify as women. I’m just not one of them.

In Elliot’s case, he did not appear to specifically come out as a trans man. Most news reports identify him as non-binary. His pronouns are he/they.

Coming out as trans and non-binary does not mean Elliot does not identify as lesbian. It also does not mean he does. Gender identity and sexual orientation are different, and what he is or isn’t is his business.

Elliot does not owe us masculinity or feminity; doesn’t owe us to be trans masculine or to be lesbian. Elliot is a grown adult with his own life ahead of him — a life where he deserves to live as his genuine self. If he is straight, a lesbian, or anything else, good for him; as non-binary, awesome; trans-masculine, so be it. But he is betraying no one by being who he is.

To insist those of us who are trans-masculine or non-binary are traitors of the female gender is wrong. Trans men are men. Non-binary people are non-binary. To say otherwise or insist we are traitors is transphobia, period.

Think of it this way: Grieving over a trans person is like grieving over an empty coffin. The person is still here, still very much alive. While their pronouns and name may have changed, it is not the death of the person you knew: It’s growth into the person they know themselves to be.

I did not transition to escape sexism. I did not transition because “being a woman is hard.” I did not transition because of “internal misogyny.”

I transitioned to embrace my personal truth.

I am a straight trans man. I am not a straight trans man to mimic heterosexuality. I am a straight trans man because that’s who I am: a straight trans man.

It is no one else’s business but our own on how we identify. It is an intimate, often complex internal struggle to discover ourselves, and it’s disgusting when we are degraded because we are men, are masculine, or non-binary.

Our orientations and our genders are not a choice. We are who we are, and I, nor any other trans men, should apologize for being men.

My existence as a straight trans-man is not an act of rebellion against women or lesbians. I exist as I am meant to exist. All trans people — men, women, and non-binary alike — do. Let us live our truth.

Elliot, I celebrate you. I’m proud of you. Your courage is inspiring, not only to me but to many trans men, trans-masculine people, and non-binary persons.

Trans truly is beautiful and I am honored to have you in our community.