Abandoning the Title: Trading it in For a Life Lesson
By: Kimberly Hong
Tags: Growth Mindset, College

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I used to believe that there was only one right path in life. Only one path that guaranteed success. Get the highest grades possible, join as many extracurriculars, graduate from high school, and go onto college, where your life begins. And that was exactly what I did. I spent the majority of my life aimlessly chasing each of these goals, checking them off one by one as if they were just a little box on my to-do list. And it was working, for a while I was on my way towards a lifetime of success. But slowly, I learned that life isn’t that black and white. The moment I deviated from this traditional route, I instantly entered panic mode. I was a failure, destined for nothing more. I fell dangerously into the mindset of disappointment and regret as if it was my fault, that somehow I messed up somewhere along the process, resulting in the consequences of my current situation. It all came down to the simple question, was I destined for this? No, I’m sorry. What I meant to say was, was I okay with this being my destiny?

This idea of being able to alter your path, and somehow take control over the unpredictable, isn’t a new concept. In fact, this concept lies the foundation for one of the best selling books, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, written by Carol Dweck, a world-renowned psychologist at Standford. Within Mindset, Dweck introduces the possibility of having multiple mindsets, specifically distinguishing two: fixed and growth mindset. Throughout the book, she highlights numerous instances where research proves the effectiveness of having a growth mindset and ultimately utilizes personal experiences and research to urge people to alter their mindset. Although many may argue that forcing a shift in mindset is not only impossible but also unnecessary, however, through personal experience, I completely resonate with Dweck’s concept, as throughout the entirety of Mindset, Dweck highlights the unignorable benefits of having a growth mindset, as it enables one to further success in life, thus proving that having a shift in mindset is crucial.

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Walking into the classroom on the first day of this semester, I can’t say I was excited. I didn’t want to be there. I felt unmotivated. I couldn’t help but feel regretful and ashamed as if I took several steps backward. Here I am, back at the starting line. I’m back where I began, working hard to chase my goal of success, but this time I felt defeated. All my hard work felt as it resulted in a whole lot of nothing. I was miserable. I wasn’t sure what was worse, going back to Purdue and staying here. I couldn’t help it but think about my experience there. Highlighting only the highs I had while I was away in college. All those late-night ramen nights, Friday movie nights, and cooking breaks during long study sessions, just all seemed too good. Yet, I completed disregarded all my feelings of homesickness, loneliness, and devastation. There I was, almost fantasizing about my time there, wishing that I never left. It didn’t seem worth it, who in the world thought this was a good idea to transfer back home and redo the entire college process? I voluntarily gave up my opportunity for success.

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Truthfully, it’s undeniable that society, in a way, dictated my definition of success. Society created this false impression that success meant getting into the top colleges. This ideal goal was then reiterated by those around me, through compliments and congratulations given while celebrating this huge milestone in life. “You got into Purdue? Wow, Congratulations, that’s an excellent school, you must be smart!” This simple and harmless phrase provided the foundation for a fixed mindset. A single compliment revealed the shortcoming of our society as a whole. It provided insight into “what we value, and even worse, that we can read their deep, underlying ability from their performance”. With a single compliment, it gave me insight into what those around me valued. I’m not saying that they set out with intentions of throwing me onto the dark path of having a fixed mindset, but instead, it was the message that conveyed a different message. It was no longer about the countless hours of studies, or the numerous amounts of practice test taken, it was solely about the title of the school. Like somehow “Purdue University, one of The Big Ten College” disregarded all my efforts, or even worse, replaced my identity. The underemphasis on my efforts that got me there was costly, as it resulted in my fixed mindset, as I falsely assumed that my abilities were not only permanent but determined based on my achievements. My sense of achievement, or so to say, my self-worth, came from the title of the school. Though initially, I was unable to recognize the effects of having a fixed mindset, over time, I experienced the detrimental consequences.

Similarly, the detrimental effects of compliments and praises were seen in many other research studies. Although many would argue that praising someone for their ability is crucial, as it boosts their confidence, allowing them to gain the confidence they need to succeed, but in reality, research reveals that it is counterproductive, as it only acts as a hindrance to their success. This common misconception is commonly believed, in fact, “more than 80 percent of parents [said] it was necessary to praise children’s ability [to] foster their confidence and achievement”. Though this statement makes logical sense, however, it lacks the consideration of a child’s perspective. Through the study, Dweck reveals the underlying causes of the difference between the two groups’ attitudes, ultimately unveiling the child’s perspective. She explains the study’s findings by understanding the students’ thought processes. Those initially praised for their accomplishment had the mindset that “success had meant they were intelligent,” thus anything “less-than-success meant they were deficient”. Not only did her explanation provide an insight into the students’ minds, but it ultimately revealed the dangers of praising someone for their accomplishment. Though they intended to “foster their [child’s] confidence,” it only prevented their confidence from growing, because the praise only leads to a false impression that their success determined their intelligent level. Though the parents’ intentions were out of love, it consequently backfired.

In complete honesty, I was ashamed to be where I was. I was frightened by other people’s opinions and judgment, as I thought they would begin to view me as less. I was scared to disappoint everyone, but mostly, I was terrified of not living up to societal expectations. My fixed mindset hindered me from moving forward. I no longer trusted that everything will get better, as I falsely believed that I had lost and missed my opportunity. Every good that seemed to happen within my life was dismissed by everything that I seemingly lost. I got an internship, but I lost my pride when I decided to come home. I got into leadership, but I lost my college friends and the feeling of comfort by coming home.

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It wasn’t until reading the book Mindset that I realized this flawed thinking. The “view [I] adopt[ed] for [myself] profoundly affect[ed] the way [I] lead [my] life”. During the extensive process of the college season, I had fallen deeply into the trap of allowing a single school to define my definition of success. When I encountered setbacks, I instantly felt defeated before trying to get back up. My negative perception of life was consequently the result of a fixed mindset. This fixed mindset confined me as I refused to progress. In a way, it dictated what I did or did not do in life. In contrast, for those “with the growth mindset, it doesn’t make sense to stop trying. For them, adolescence is a time of opportunity a time to learn new subjects, a time to find out what they like and what they want to be in the future”. A growth mindset empowers people, giving them the confidence to pursue challenges and risks, as they now have a new understanding that their abilities are not predetermined and permanent.

When given the option of growth or fixed mindset, one evidently prevails. Through various studies conducted, it has been proven that when you teach students the importance of a growth mindset, it results in unimaginable outcomes. A middle school student, Jimmy, when introduced to the concept of a growth mindset, had tears rolling down his face, as he realized that “[he didn’t] have to be dumb”. That realization directly resulted in his newfound motivation, as he began “staying up late to do his homework” and even “handing in assignments early so he could get feedback and revise them”. Through the shift in mindsets, Jimmy was able to embrace the challenges, rather than give up before he even started. His clouded idea that his smartness was fixed, ultimately hindered him from working hard, as after he became aware of the idea of a growth mindset, he had a desire to get better. Jimmy had a false impression that one defeat, determined his fate, preventing him from moving forward. What ultimately prompted Jimmy’s success is his change in mindsets.

Though some may agree that having a growth mindset is crucial, however, many disagree that you have the capabilities of altering your mindset. It’s undeniable that shifting a mindset may seem impossible. However, time and time again, it has been proven possible through various studies conducted. Asides from simply altering the way we compliment people, a shift to a growth mindset can also be achieved with the assistance of cognitive therapy. Through research, it revealed that those with a fixed mindset “put a very strong evaluation on each and every piece of information. Something that led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label”. Since “cognitive therapy teaches people to rein in their extreme judgments and make them more reasonable”, it was seen to be useful in combating a fixed mindset, as when encountering setbacks, it prevents you from jumping to unreasonable conclusions. Rather than viewing the difficulties you encountered as a direct indicator of your ability, cognitive therapy forces you to think of realistically.

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With the shift in mindset, I was able to hardness a new motivation. The fixed mindset no longer blinded me and trapped me into believing in one single path in life. Instead, I was creating my path. I learned to recognize all the opportunities in front of me and take advantage of them. Without a shift in mindset, it is safe to say that I would not have been able to continue pursuing my future pathway, yet along the opportunities presented.

To keep up with the unpredictability of this world, we must shift our mindsets, as a growth mindset enables the possibility of success.

“The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive. during some of the most challenging times in their life”.

It’s easy to believe that achievement is the determinant of your success, as it is indeed a piece of concrete evidence that displays your efforts. However, we as a society must acknowledge that success isn’t about how well you followed the stereotypical path in life, nor is it about achieving goals immediately, instead, it’s about being willing to put in the effort to improve and getting back up during the moments of unsuccess. It’s about letting setbacks in life motivate you to try even harder. So rather than praising and glorifying achievements, shouldn’t we teach those around us that the true meaning of success lies within our efforts rather than achievements? That we have control over the outcomes, and we are capable of much more than we believe. The key to success is having a growth mindset. It’s the idea of believing that our strengths and our weakness are not permanent. Without actively pursuing this mindset, you are only limiting yourself from achieving more in life.