Don’t Put Your Happiness in Someone Else’s Pocket
By: Edie Tuck
Tags: Self-awareness, Love, Life Lessons, Happiness, Self Love

I know it’s easier said than done, as are many things. Most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it, but we all have. I’ve been guilty of it, and I still catch myself doing it more often than I’d like to admit. We allow the words and actions of others to dictate our happiness, or the lack thereof.

We have to stop giving others that much power over us. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness, so why do we give so much unwanted responsibility to others?

Happiness is Something We Create

I’ve become a firm believer that we’re the designer of our own lives and the creators of our own happiness.

So how do you stop putting so much weight on what others think of you, how they act towards you, speak to you or about you, and ultimately make you feel? You flip the switch. It’s not easy, I won’t lie. But it’s necessary. You must become the most important person in your life. You must learn to fall in love with yourself.

Self-love is more than just a trendy term; it’s a way of life. Think about it. When you love someone, you do everything in your power to make sure they’re happy and well-taken care of, that they’re not lacking for anything. You show them affection, you care for their well-being, speak nicely to them. You probably even spoil them a little. And usually, if they’re a decent human, they respond in kind.

So then why, do we treat ourselves so differently? Far too often, we put ourselves last. Why do we speak badly to ourselves in the mirror, and in our minds where we think nobody can hear us? We can hear us!

Why do we fear the solitude of our own company — who decides that we’re a failure if we’re not paired up? If we’re not in a romantic relationship, or even at least a sexual one?

It’s not another person’s job to make sure you’re happy. It’s yours.

We have to stop searching for that elusive secret to happiness and start focusing on creating it.

“Y ou will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”― Albert Camus

Be your own best friend.

What is Your Dream Life

Our minds and our emotions can get so confused and chaotic. Thoughts get jumbled. Feelings pile up, overlap and get all mixed up. It becomes an overwhelming hot mess, without the hot.

Take a step back for a minute. Remove the noise from your brain, press the mute button.

Without taking any other person but yourself into consideration, what would you like your life to look like? What kind of work would make you happy? Where do you want to go in life, both physically and figuratively? Does your home make you feel good when you walk in? What about your job; do you dread going in every day, or do you look forward to it? And most importantly, how do you feel about yourself?

The home and the work are just the fluff in the grand scheme of things. The ‘self’, is the part that really matters. How you feel about yourself.

There’s a line that separates self-love and narcissism. Don’t cross that line. But it’s so important to love yourself — if you can’t love yourself, how can you ever expect another person to love you? If you’re convinced that you’re unlovable, you’re going to put out that vibe whether you mean to or not, and those around you will feel it.

Start with you — start with acknowledging all that you are. Find your qualities, quirks, flaws, and decide that you’re going to love all of it because they make you who you are. Own who you are, unapologetically. Be proud of the person you’ve grown to be, with your ideas, your goals and dreams, and accomplishments.

When you create the life you want to live for yourself, rather than to try to mold yourself in something you’re not in order to attract another person or to find that idea of perceived happiness, you’ll be setting yourself up for success. Living your truth every day, and doing so proudly, will, in turn, attract the same in kind.

You will attract people who want the same things, and who will ultimately know you and love you for the person you are, not the person you pretend to be. But it starts with you.

“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.” — Unknown

Relationship counseling

We’ve been conditioned by society to expect perfection from ourselves, and from others. So when we fall dramatically short of that mark, there must be something wrong with us. We must be a sub-par human, destined for failure at every turn. We’ll never succeed because we’re not smart enough, fit enough, wealthy enough, beautiful enough, loveable enough…

Stop.

If a partner were to be treating you this way, you’d get angry. And if you wanted to fix the relationship, you would do everything in your power to do so. Get to the root of the issues. Talk it out. Maybe sign up for couple’s therapy.

Well, with yourself, you really don’t have a choice — we don’t get to break up with ourselves. We’re in this for the long haul. That doesn’t mean have to keep going the way you are. If you want to fix your relationship with yourself but you feel it’s just too far gone, then maybe you need a little help. Some assistance from someone on the outside looking in.

Just like a marriage turned sour, you’re going to need to dig up the roots of why you feel the way you do about yourself. In order to move forward in a place of acceptance, love, and gratitude, you first need to find the source of the problems so you can work on them.

You need to ask yourself some difficult questions. Like why do you have issues with confidence? With believing in yourself? Why do you have trouble in relationships? Why are you constantly plagued with self-doubt? And most importantly, why don’t you like yourself?

It all comes from somewhere, and often times we think we know where, but we’re wrong. Getting to the source of the problem is the only path to finding the solution.