Gender Neutral Aunts and Uncles
By: Mx. V. Vandyke
Tags: Gender Identity, Nonbinary, Gender Neutral, LGBTQ, Queer

Photo by Minnie Zhou on Unsplash

Language for non-binary folx is still lacking, but we’re working on it.

It was not surprising last summer when my brother had called with his wife to tell me that they were having a baby. They had been married for a few years and I knew that it was something that they both wanted. I was super excited and happy for them, especially since kids have never been in my life plan.

I remember being a kid and playing with my dolls and thinking of myself as their aunt more than their mother, being and aunt/uncle seemed to be a sweet gig. You get to play with the kids and give them back. You can buy them all the annoying toys and sugar them up as much as you want becuase you wont have to deal with the repercussions after. This memory was a sweet one until someone called me “Aunt V.”

skrrrt…

Ok, Hold up. This didn’t feel right.

Over the last year or so I have become much more accustom to going by they/them. In my circle of friends we joke that I am Daddy, while another friend goes by Dad. I am the guncel (gay uncle) to their dogs. But when it comes to my brother’s new little human none of these terms work or seem remotely appropriate.

While the kid was cooking, I tried on as many different terms as I could find. Research was limited and looking into rules and structure of language left me feeling a bit disheartened. The tiny list of words out there were forced or too ridged. A quick google search only brings about 6–8 different terms.

Entle? Ew…

The baby was born in May, a healthy baby despite entering the world in the middle of a pandemic. My wife and I were planning on visiting but 2020 seems to be an alternative existence that feeds on destroying people’s plans. I have only been able to see the kiddo through videos, Facetime, and pictures. As time continued to pass I was still bothered that I couldn’t find a name that I jived with.

I had discussions with friends about what they called their parents siblings growing up. Most were Aunt/Uncle in some form. We processed why it was important to have such a title. I was taught that giving a person a title was a sign of respect. It signified a familiarity within a relationship. I had many aunts, uncles, and cousins that were not biologically related. We called my best friend’s mom aunt becuase she was kind and watched over us in that sort of way. I had cousins that called our shared aunt by her first name and always found that unnerving. That particular aunt was very good to my cousins and it just seems off when they did that, and that she would allow it seeing she was a principal at a high school.

Personally I knew that I wanted a special name for this new human to refer to me as. In the past I had used Mr. as my title before my surname. As time went on I adopted Mx. It feels good to me and I like the way it sounds. The end of the alphabet definitely holds the best letters and you can try and fight me on that but you wont win.

Eventually it just clicked and I knew what I wanted to be called.

Mixel

I put thought and time into it. Spelling it out and hearing it from my mouth and others. My friends liked it, as did my wife, who is usually the harder sell on some of my crazier ideas. I bought my new baby buddy a few books and wrote a note that was signed,

“ love, Mixel V”

My mom video chatted with the baby today and I was able to tell her that is what I prefer. She bounced the baby on her leg and surprisingly didn’t skip a beat. She said she liked it and automatically started calling me Mixel and asking the baby if he agreed. He promptly became a fountain of milk as he spit up all over her. I am taking that as a good sign.

I have not yet talked to my brother but am hoping to have a conversation with him and his wife soon. I do not think that he will blink an eye. Growing up together I think he understands that the non-binary, gender neutral identity just makes too much sense. I am hopeful that my family adapts quickly, they have been supportive and I know I am lucky in that regard.

Breaking the binary can be overwhelming, but it also allows us to be creative. Who knows, maybe Mixel will catch on.