Jaywalking Festival
By: William, Dollar Bill
Tags: Taxi, Culture, Memoir, New York City

Jaywalking Festival

Photo by Drew Graham on Unsplash

Most metropolises are vigilant when it comes to curtailing jaywalkers. Which makes sense. Citing jaywalkers saves lives! But here in the Big Apple? Anything goes. People jaywalk routinely with impunity.

Here’s a story I wrote over 25 years ago about jaywalking in New York — as I witnessed it first hand from behind the wheel of my taxi. Twenty-five years later, nothing has changed.

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The scene was no different than it had been a thousand times before.

I’d just jumped back into my cab (after purchasing a Subway sandwich —

the ultimate taxi snack) when I noticed there were no empty cabs within

50 yards, and the back of the 7th Avenue green light series in front of me.

Later for the feast! I dropped the eats on the seat, threw the rig into

drive, and took off to find a fare while the probabilities were in my favour.

This is the way an intelligent taxi driver works if he wants to make a

living.

But there was a fly in the ointment — or should I say about ten — in

the form of jaywalkers crossing 7th Avenue against a “don’t walk” sign.

The strategy for parting the crowd was the usual: drive slowly and scare somebody into scooting to carve out a taxicab’s width. But it didn’t work.

One guy disliked my style and stopped right in front of the cab’s bumper.

The expected intellectual repartee ensued.

“You realize you’re jaywalking; I have the right of way,” I tried to

educate the slob once I’d stopped for the red light he’d caused me to catch.

“The light is red you f — — — a — — — ,” he fired back.

“It’s red now; it wasn’t when you were jaywalking,” I maintained my

composure.

“You’re still a f — — — a — — — ,” he screamed like the spoiled child

he no doubt was, and then trotted off having fired the last salvo.

I shrugged it off, opened my sandwich and seized the opportunity to

dine on some fine cuisine once I had the chance.

One hour later while whipping up 3rd Avenue, I saw a young man carrying a

newborn baby in a basket — jaywalking obliviously across the avenue. He didn’t even know I was coming. Two vectors were about to collide — and two human lives were about to be snuffed out. But not quite. I hit the brakes and saved them. For my troubles, I heard the familiar “thank you”

- except that the word thank only had four letters — and it started with an

“f.”

Are these extreme examples — deviations from the norm? Not really.

There’s a rude jaywalker every four inches in The Big Apple. And there’s

nobody but a taxi driver who’s more aware of that fact.

Every night a cabby goes out to work, he will no doubt save the lives of 100 rude pedestrians who hurl ugly epithets as he passes by to reward his

humanitarian efforts.

For 17 years, I’ve known that jaywalkers are way out of control.

Finally, the Mayor got the news. First, he announced an all-out war on New

York’s jaywalkers.

“Cross the street against the light and we’ll give you a $2 fine,” he warned. Guffaws of laughter were heard far and wide from every taxi garage in the city.

But then he changed the fine schedule: $57 a pop. Now we’re getting somewhere. But who to cite? Writing jaywalking tickets in New York would be like fishing in a hatchery. You know…too many idiots…too little

time.

Here’s an idea of how a cop on the jaywalking beat could weed out

only the most deserving:

Really, New York jaywalkers come in two classifications: The first is what I call the ignorant pedestrian, a clueless, law-abiding, tax-paying New Yorker who doesn’t really understand how badly he or she can get hurt by crossing whenever he or she pleases regardless of what the signage is saying. These people should get a warning — and not a fine — because of the preponderance of the second group — the defiant jaywalker, an invincible Schwarzenegger who crosses anytime, anywhere with a bravado that dares a motorist to run his stupid butt down.

And there’s your guy, a species so abundant that rounding them up

and fining them 57 bucks could put the city in the black if the Mayor would

just put his police force where his mouth is.

The taxi industry is not holding its breath. We’re pessimists; our lives are filled with empty promises. Words are cheap; action is dear. We

all figure that within a week the little storm cloud will blow over —

and the guys who step in front of bumpers defiantly, and the people who

stroll their babies against the light — will be out in full force. And cab

drivers will continue to save their lives and get cursed out for doing so all

the while.

P.S. The initiative never came to fruition. The idea that a New Yorker might show a little consideration to motor vehicle operators when stepping off the curb didn’t fly the Big Apple. to my knowledge, not one person was ever given a summons.