You Cannot Become Happy, You Can Only Be Happy”
By: Davidson Chua
Tags: Sam Harris, Singapore, Happiness, Be Happy, Happy

Photo by Stan B from Unsplash

Not long ago, I came across a video regarding happiness and also improving of our lives.

You see, with the increase in stress and rushing for the adrenaline to be as productive as possible, it has brought us to a place where we fail to keep ourselves happy, we fail to feel the sense of purpose, and most importantly to be happy.

Happiness

In my early days of writing, I once wrote a story titled “What is happiness” and in that story, I pointed out how happiness is a state. Simply a state of the moment that we can’t, but help ourselves to seek upon. Why? Because we are all taking in a “drug” called dopamine. We seek that dopamine rush into our heads as though the world is everything to us.

Indeed, I still do. I still make my time to seek that dopamine by doing things that I know I shouldn’t. Like playing games and going window shopping online.

But when, when do we start facing a problem with the relationship that we are having with happiness? I really wonder sometimes…

Becoming Happy

Photo by MARK ADRIANE from Unsplash

We always suggest finding happiness, we start buying posters that read happiness and hung them in our rooms. Did we ever think that such reminders that we wake up to each morning would make us happier?

NO, we knew it all along. In fact, we know it all too well that becoming happy is a lie. One big lie that we have been living with. Our parents want the best for us, and at the end of the day, they want us to be happy. For some of us that are a little more unfortunate, they might not pamper us with the resources to reach that goal. But certainly, they care, and they wanted just one thing for us — Happiness.

However, if becoming happy is a lie, then why so? Why so do we seek happiness?

True enough, that was one of the questions which I asked myself upon hearing the statement of becoming happy and be happy. After some time thinking through it, I can say that becoming happy is like goal that we put in our heads. It is never in existence, merely a small bubble that is living in our heads.

Becoming happy, in fact is something that we think we will reach one day. But we never will. Because happiness is within, and now.

For instance, we tell ourselves that getting a house, getting that dream job or that car would mean happiness, and we could become happy by making that move or purchase… but something ironic happens after that.

The ironic thing? We never ever reach the state of happiness after which. And if ever, it never lasts. That is what some call buyer’s remorse or the hedonic threadmill

The Syndrome and Solution

True enough, we all have the syndrome that I refer to as “happiness syndrome”. We all want and seek happiness. And yes, there is totally nothing wrong with that.

Yes, we all seek and live to be happy. Although there will never be a total state of happiness our whole life, we tend to still see a problem in seeking and finding happiness. Why?

The syndrome, as it seems is a problem. A problem that we seem to find it hard figuring out, yet the solution could actually be a simple one. In my story on “What is happiness”, I mentioned too, how happiness is a state of the mind. The state at which we find ourselves in. Hence, the easiest way to reach that state is to be at that state. Be at the state of happiness, which is to transit and move from becoming happy to be happy.

How? How do we move to the state of happiness? Though sound cringe, I would have to still point this out. Start with appreciation. Appreciating the people and things that we have currently is the first and fastest way to reach the state of happiness.

By doing so, we start to realise that no one is perfect, no one has got everything and anything. Although Jeff Bezos could use his fortune on everything and anything he wanted, he can never turn back his time and live his life again like a 21 year old.

No one is ever perfect. Hence being at a state of appreciation might just be the first step to finding your solution to be happy.

Becoming Happy V.S. Be Happy

So what’s all the fuss brought up in this write-up and what is the difference even between becoming happy and to be happy.

To summarise, becoming happy is a goal and a bubble of thoughts that we live within our heads. We merely are just thinking about what is about to happen, but yet happened. We think about something and we expect something to appear or happen. Just like how we imagine having a bowl of hot noodles during winter. We think that that would provide us with the rush of dopamine, and that simple sense of happiness and joy.

“Higher the expectations, leads to higher disappointments”

Though, most of the time, we live with false hope. As the saying goes, “Higher the expectations, leads to higher disappointments.” Because of that, we live with buyers’ remorse and a state of unfulfillment.

Again, we go through that process to seek what we think as “The road to becoming happy”

On the other hand, be happy is a state that we bring ourselves to. We start to be happy when we really are, and when we are there. There is no state of thoughts, just merely a state of consciousness and the state that we are in — Happiness.

“You cannot become happy, you can only be happy.”

— Sam Harris

Resources:

Sam Harris Interview on “How meditation can change your life.”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp3SPyGXKuo

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