Men Are So Stupid
By: William, Dollar Bill
Tags: Humor, Freelancing, Writing, Advertising, Life Lessons

Men Are So Stupid

Or this highfalutin’ editor sure was!

Photo by Rafael Valera from Pexels

Back when newspapers and magazines were actually a viable advertising medium for escorts, there was a New Jersey bar giveaway publication titled “Stepping Out” which featured escort advertisements on its back pages. And as the proprietor of an advertising agency for those types of ads, I made a deal with the owner to sell for his publication.

My clients were all in New York City. But a lot of New Jersey men commuted to New York for their jobs and answered ads from houses located in Manhattan where they wouldn’t be outed as whoremongers or cheaters, as many of them were married. It wasn’t a great ad for my clients. But if they worked out of apartments close to Port Authority or Penn Station, they’d usually get a few guys from an investment that didn’t cost very much.

While the rag was primarily a bar and club directory, the paper did have some interesting and fun editorial content. And after selling a fair number of ads for the organization, I asked the boss if I could write a column for the publication about escorts in support of that section of his advertising base. It was actually a pretty good idea when you think about it.

He responded that the decision was up to his editor, a guy with some notoriety in the adult community — and a frequent guest on the Howard Stern Show. He was also a pretty good writer. Which is to say the dude wasn’t a total gas bag. He had talent.

And so…I sent an email to the editor suggesting I become a contributor, citing that I’d written many columns for Screw, the Village Voice, NY Daily News, NY Times, and several girly rag titles. To which I heard back nothing.

I waited a week and then conducted a little experiment. I’d ghostwritten a piece for one of my clients so she could feel like a writer — and I could feel like she cared about me. It was new and thus unpublished. I forwarded it to the guy via a new yahoo email with a girl’s name just to see what would happen.

Five minutes later, he responded enthusiastically to running the article. He wanted to know who I was — and where I worked — and all that good stuff you can just imagine.

I yanked his chain for a while telling him how I admired his writing and I couldn’t wait to meet him. And then after a few exchanges, I embarrassed the dude with the truth. “You ignored me when I was a guy. And now you’re gushing because you think I’m a hot stripper. I get it.”

Man! Was he pissed off — and wrote back “be careful. I sue!” I don’t know what he was gonna sue about. It didn’t matter. I’d made my point. About three minutes later, I received an email from the owner: “You can’t sell ads for us anymore.”

Again, that didn’t matter either. My clients didn’t need and never asked to run ads in his paper. I’d solicited them! And his commission rate was low. He didn’t get that I was doing him a favor — and not vice versa.

A few days after pulling this ruse, I was chatting with my ad rep at the Village Voice (where I sold a mountain of advertising that did matter to my clients) and told her the story. She shook her head with amusement and observed “men are so stupid.”

Well…I don’t know about all that. But that editor sure was. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Come to think of it, there are some other lessons attached to this anecdote. Like…whatever happened to the stigma associated with being a hooker? Or that women are discriminated against when seeking employment?

I didn’t get that job simply because I was a man! The door (and the editor’s nose) was wide open for a female sex worker. But it was locked up tight for the guy who could write well enough to engorge the fool’s brain (and another body part).

Oh well! Who gives a shit at this point? Again, just sayin’!

P.S. Eventually, I quadrupled-dipped with that ghostwritten piece, placing it in four different publications from Screw Magazine to Oui. And now you can read it on medium:

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