Can You Accept Yourself and Be Trans?
Tags: LGBTQ, Self, Creative Non Fiction, Identity, Transgender

I recently had the displeasure of interacting with my aunt. A well-intentioned middle-aged White woman living in Colorado, with limited exposure to the queer community, popped up in my contact list when I was deciding who I wanted to send my most recent Gender Update Post to. A thorough, ten minute read detailing my gender as I currently understand it, my proper pronouns and what one can expect if they refuse to use them, my recent experience with top surgery, updates on my T injections, and a handful of tips for how to provide support for me all laid out on a digital silver platter.

I decided to give my aunt a chance. I hoped that she had a baseline understanding of trans identities because I didn’t spend time breaking down the genderqueer terms in my post. Even so, Googling terms such as “AFAB,” “top surgery,” and “genderfluid” is free and takes less than five minutes.

I forwarded the link to my Gender Update post to my aunt along with the standardized message that everyone else who received the article had gotten.

“Hi aunt Julie*, I have written out a long-form article detailing some gender updates that I want to share with my loved ones. It is helpful for me to write out longer pieces that I can send out to several people at once. If you can take a bit of time out of your day to read the article when you have a chance, I will really appreciate it. It may help you gain a better understanding of me.”

I gave myself a tiny pat on the back for putting myself and my gender out there for her. I had no idea how she would respond. This Gender Update was my third to come out in the last twelve months, and this was the first one that she would be receiving. I truly hoped that she would take some time to sit with the article and try to understand.

I sorely overestimated.

Within a few hours, I received a response. Her message frustrated me to the point that I deleted the text thread almost immediately after reading her reply. The following is my best approximation of what aunt Julie’s text said.

“Hi. Thank you for sharing your article with me. I remember how confused and lost I felt when I was your age. I made many decisions that I now look back on with regret. I wish that I had taken more time at your age to understand myself and to appreciate my youth. My word of wisdom to you is to wait. Don’t rush into making changes to yourself. Spend some time working on accepting the body you were born in. You won’t be young forever, and you will regret the changes you’re making now. Take care.”

Here’s what I look like today…

I sputtered at my phone in shock. “Spend some time accepting the body you were born in?” The fuck?

That ship has sailed. My tits are gone, Julie.

Jokes aside, I was baffled. I laid all of the information out for her with the consequences for not accepting me. “If you aren’t interested in and committed to loving and accepting my full and authentic self, you aren’t going to have a place in my life much longer” were my exact words. Aunt Julie read the entire post, and her take-away was that I should…slow down.

Yowza.

I took a deep breath and typed out my response.

“Thank you for reading the article and for your advice. I am sure that the changes I have made to my presentation are making me a happier and more confident version of myself. I am making informed decisions, and I am thrilled at the transformation that has occurred thus far. Thank you again for taking the time to read my post.”

With that, I deleted the text thread.