fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
When Your Fears Seal Your Fate
Tags: Fear, Storytelling, Life Lessons, Inspiration, Beyourself

I was nine when I became a good liar. Nine years later, I wish I could say I’ve stopped. Instead of halting this bad habit, it evolved. I started lying to others less and lying to myself more.

I think I lie to myself to hide reality from myself. It’s always the lies that it will get better when it never does. Or the classic lie: they’ll change. Or perhaps, you can do this! I want life to be consistently beautiful, I want my dreams to come true. But neither of these things has happened yet, and I’m scared that my hope is nothing but little white lies.

In the midst of lies, you have to cling to the truth. My truth was often the acknowledgement of my fears. Even though I lied through my optimism, I could see my anxieties and insecurities bubbling up. I always knew they were there — keeping them at the surface was the only way to tame them.

I’d like to say that I was floating above my fears, conquering them. But instead, I let them creep below my toes. The truth is that I was scared of the truth — I was scared that my hopes would, in fact, be completely false. I could feel the goosebumps on my arms and the hairs standing straight up on my neck. Fear’s fingers grazed my neck, but let go as if just to taunt me.

Sometimes fear is bearable. But, sometimes it gets to be too much. You wake up from the nightmare only to go on with another nightmare. You dance with the devil. You cross paths with a black cat. Your mirror shatters in your hand. You step on a crack. Your fears surround you like the black plague, you’re suffocating in your own feelings. You forgot the cardinal rule: if you don’t confront your fears they confront you.

So, don’t ignore the phantom, encircling you in the shadows. Look it straight in the eye, and face them on your own terms. After all, “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul” (William Ernest Henley). Face your fears before they seal your fate.
Being Biracial in a Multicultural Country is Still a Surprise
By: Alayna Rani
Tags: Race, Personal, Malaysia, Experience, Beyourself

I come from a mix of races probably the most common in Malaysia — Chinese & Indian or so this mix has been coined Chindian. It’s not unusual to me, as I’ve found many like myself, especially within the Baha’i community where interracial marriage is encouraged.

My closest relatives are also of mixed breeds and growing up I had never thought of myself as mixed or different. My father is Indian and my mother Chinese and people who look and speak like them were everywhere around me, whether during Diwali or Chinese New Year.

Besides, as Baha’is, the Teachings were straightforward and inculcated from when we were young: “The world is but one country and mankind its citizens”¹ or “Prejudices of any kind are the destroyers of human happiness and welfare.”²

So, I had little need to really question my identity or culture. At home, my parents didn’t appear to have strongly different views. My dad relishes in early morning dim sums as much as my mother loves dosas and naans.

It’s only when I started interacting with the world that I became aware that I was a minority, and that my parents were different from each other and so was I from the majority of Malaysians.

“Do you feel more Indian or Chinese?” or “What language do you speak at home?”. And “You don’t look Indian or Chinese.” These are some of the queries and comments I’d get from friends at school, along with looks of surprise that such offspring came from such marriages.

Being curious in nature, I enjoyed the curiosity of others. And I see only benefits in us learning more about each other — for ignorance is the mother of all prejudice.

But it would be subtle but hurtful remarks that took off the rose-colored glasses I once wore about my country. “I’m only friends with you because you’re half Chinese” or “Good thing you look more Indian”.

These comments seemed to imply that being biracial isn’t exactly possible, and one race had to invalidate the other in order for it to be legitimate.

It was a wake-up call to a reality that while our curiosity is innocent in nature, they reflected that at the heart of our multiculturalism is an emphasis on differences, not unity.

And as I grew older, it became clearer to me that from our neighborhoods, to schools, and to our government, race still played an unnecessarily huge role in our decisions as a people.
Things I wished I knew in my 20's
By: Kristina Brown
Tags: Computer Science, Growth Mindset, Midlife Crisis, Piercing, Beyourself

My husband thinks I’m having a mid-life crisis. I got my first tattoo a few years ago. It was a blue crab in memory of my dad, who loved to eat crabs and was a cancer. It even says his name around, which incidentally, also means “beautiful adventure”. My tattoo was more than a mid-life crisis. It was a memory to one of my biggest cheerleaders who I lost way too early.

Most recently, I just got my nose pierced. I like it. I struggled with this last decision. The tattoo was less of a struggle. In both scenarios, I went to people that I trusted to do the work. It was difficult for me because most of my life I have worried about what people thought of me. I worry about what my parents think, what my husband thinks, what my daughter’s friends’ parents think, what my co-workers think. It’s exhausting, and I’m not sure how I’ve sustained it for so long.

I’m 45 years old; I’ve been married twice, divorced once. I have one daughter, and we are (mostly) financially stable. I love dogs, and I love my job. I’m working on a PhD in Computer Science, which I’m hoping to be completed in two years. I cry at least once a month when I start my period or watch a sad movie or just think about my daughter growing up. I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be, but I’ve felt for most of my life that I should be.

So, this piercing in my nose is more than a “hole in my head” — something my mom or even my grandmother would say. It’s a symbol of my own freedom and independence from caring what other people think of me. I can continue to care about other people, but my self-worth doesn’t depend on their image of me.

So, my advice for my 20-something self:

Looks are fleeting, love IS sustainable, BE the person that you want to be — ALWAYS,… love yourself, you’re beautiful and amazing… AND, you have wonderful things to offer the world, not everyone is going to like you but you should learn to get along with everyone; however, that doesn’t mean that you have to put up with disrespect. Learn from every experience and grow to be the person you want your daughter to be: Strong, capable, and independent.
Regaining You
By: Jadees Way
Tags: Confidence, Love, Beyourself

Be yourself. A phrase we hear too often but hardly live by. Now is the most important time to be yourself. The reason we sometimes lack individuality is due to being scared to being ourselves — the world is full of judgement. However, as much as you may think you are being judged, chances are, the audience is admiring you. Here’s some tips on how to embrace the true you (trust me, they work!):

1. Breathe in, breathe out: Anxiety is one of the biggest obstacles in the way of being ourselves. It restricts us from achieving our sense of individuality. Anxiety comes in many forms and levels of seriousness, however, we need to take a step back and not care what people think. Stop worrying about what people will think of you ass in those jeans! If you bought them because you fell in love with them, wear them!

2. Surround yourself by people who lift you up: This is the most crucial tip to implement into your life. How are you supposed to achieve your true self if the people around you are bringing you down? Whether it’s your partner who criticises your date night outfit, or your friend who puts your ideas down — ditch them. Toxic people are out for themselves, so no matter how hard you try, you will never get any support from them. The grass is greener on the other side.
Injustice management — stories about discrimination and how to turn them around
By: Abdul Otman
Tags: Travel, Adventure, Anger Management, Discrimination, Beyourself

Arriving there we went through the usual border control, exited Thai territory, and set out to reach Cambodia on foot. A few meters away.

I checked beforehand legal requirements to enter the territory, and there wasn’t anything specific for French citizen (me), or Cameroonian citizen (Yvann). Just a valid passport and 30$.

Even though we arrived early, before the opening of the border, it was already crowded. A large crowd of people (Thais? Cambodians?) were ready to carry their goods to the other side and waiting for the opening.

Fast forward to the border control processing, and we exited Thai territory. We were in a hurry to reach Siem Reap so we didn’t spend that much time at the no-man’s land. Casinos caught our eyes but it would be hard to part with our meagers savings and not starving the rest of our trip.

I followed the procedures and paperwork, gave my fingerprints, 1L of blood sample. 30$ later I got my visa. Unfortunately for Yvann, that wasn’t that quick.

It surprised me, so I asked him why did it take so long. He didn’t know too. His passport was being studied thoroughly by an agent, and no explanation was given until now.

After a while, a “manager” came on the agent’s request and they started talking together. Even though we don’t speak Cambodian, we got the feeling that it wasn’t to discuss the spelling of “Yvann” with a double N…Then started the discussion:

Manager — Why are you visiting Cambodia?

Me — We are going to Siem Reap for a few days

Manager — And YOU, why are you here in Cambodia?

Yvann — What do you mean? He just told you we came for Siem Reap

Manager — How do you know each other?

Me — We are student at the same engineering school in Bangkok

Manager — A Thai school with a French and a Cameroonian?

Me — And they spend their holidays in Cambodia. Apparently this is the world we live in, welcome to the 21th century.

Manager — Yes but you’re black, like the drug dealers

Yvann — …

How do you argue with that? I got curious about our experience, and it is not an isolated one: https://www.phnompenhpost.com/7days/beneath-skin-reality-being-black-cambodia
How Sleeping In Can Be The Secret To A Productive Day
By: Luba Sigaud
Tags: Productivity, Sleep, Motivation, Morning Routines, Beyourself

Like most people, I have a busy schedule: I’m finishing my first college degree, juggling three jobs, writing, organizing a trip abroad, and taking care of a million other things.

Most days, I feel overwhelmed by it all. And I’m sure you’re in the same boat.

Maybe you’re not dealing with exactly the same responsibilities, but I’m willing to bet that your to-do list is longer than seems doable sometimes.

So, in an attempt to fit as much as I reasonably can into each day, I’ve been trying to follow the popular advice that states the secret to getting a lot done is simply to get up earlier.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I often fall short of this goal.

Somewhere between scrambling to finish a project and preparing for the next day, I look at the clock and realize it’s already much later than I want it to be.

Now, I used to beat myself up for this. I used to go to bed feeling defeated and stressed just thinking of how exhausted I was going to feel the next day if I wanted to “get an early start.”

But I realize now that it was pointless to have that attitude. Because honestly, would beating myself up for not getting to bed early make the following day any more productive?

Of course not.

In fact, having that attitude was counterproductive.

Why?

Because thinking I could only get enough work done if I got up early made me believe that I had already failed to meet my productivity goals if I slept in.

I’m an optimistic person by nature, so I knew I had to change this negative attitude.

So this morning, I woke up naturally. There were no buzzing, ringing, or chirping sounds involved.

I opened my eyes and saw that my bedroom was flooded with sunshine, something I obviously never get to appreciate when I get up before the sun.

And it was so refreshing. I felt ready and excited to start the day instead of exhausted.

Instead of forcing myself out of bed early and feeling tired all day, I had much more motivation and energy to get up and do my work.
Do You Add Value or Take Up Space?
By: Jd Adams
Tags: Notspam, Copywriting, Humor, Copybranding, Beyourself

When you speak… are you adding value? Or just taking up space?

Adding value when you speak will cause others to pay attention.

You won’t be ignored and treated like Spam email.

You won’t be held at arms length like my Yorkie “Finnigan” (he has really bad breath. How bad? My Maine Coon won’t go near him… that bad!).

If your words, spoken or written, bring value to those who read or listen, those same people will read again and listen again.

Maybe the value brought by me is to make one person smile and another to think. What value do you bring or provide.

When you speak do you think first? Or just blurt out “stuff”. If you are not adding value when you speak … you are taking up space.

Speaking is no different than writing.

Ok… it’s a tad different because I know I don’t insert “ummmm” into every ding-swizzled sentence I write.

Assuring you are adding value every time you open your mouth has a lot to do with being yourself, feeling self-assured, knowing who you are.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Do you really know who you are?

I thought I did until I took a self awareness assessment at

www.howtofascinate.com

It’s both quite intense and interesting.

I can best describe this by saying that this is a course in Self Branding and Self Awareness.

Step One: Look around the site and gain information, see what it’s all about.

Step Two: Pay. Take the Assessment Test

Step Three: The workbook and the course follows…

I won’t ruin all the fun but this is some very in-depth stuff meant to be done over a few weeks really. And it truly is interesting. Most of us at some level want to know more about who we are I believe.

If you do venture to the site and find the information useful if not intriguing (which I think you will), please don’t feel like you need to send me something.

You do. Comments. Likes. Thank you’s…

Seriously. Peruse the site and see what you think. Then comment with your thoughts.

I’d like to hear what 2–3 words are that define your “personality tag”… as well as your thoughts on assessment tests, including this one. Even if your lone comment is “I dislike tests… or Are you nuts?”

Me too. And yes… Yes I am.

There! I’ve done my good deed for the weekend. I don’t feel like spam, and hopefully I’ve brought some value to all my connected friends here on LinkedIn.

Off the beaten path a bit, and absolutely nothing to do with anything above… one last thing. Taco Tuesday!! It’s only 2 1/2 days away!! My favorite holiday! $2 Al Pastor street tacos every Tuesday!

Photo by Jarritos Mexican Soda on Unsplash

And an added treat, I get to pull out my 30 year old Bullwinkle “I Love Tacos” t-shirt from Taco Bell that I wear on Taco Tuesdays. (One should always dress appropriately for the holidays. SEE BELOW.)

Be well my friends. Stay positive. Keep smiling. Enjoy a taco. And don’t get labeled as “junk mail” in life’s inbox.

Don’t worry about who you are. Concentrate on being more of who you are.
How writing on medium saved me from (some of) the occupational hazards of being a SAHM
By: T H Wong
Tags: Personal Development, Parenting, Writing, Working Moms, Beyourself

One thing a SAHM friend had warned me about was the drop in social status that came with it. Even before I stopped working, I had become surprisingly accustomed to attending events with my husband, and realizing that his contacts could be divided into those who looked right through me as “XXX’s wife” — and hence not worth speaking to, those who spoke to me mainly because there were no other women about to chat to at many of these events, and those who genuinely made the attempt to get to know me, despite coming from an entirely different work and social circle. I now found, as a SAHM, that I was really only XXX’s wife.

As a former textbook “career-woman”, my husband would complain that it took me half an hour to extricate myself from social events. “I have to say goodbye to everyone”, I would explain. It was a mark of importance: the longer it took me to walk from one place to another — be it at work or in some random crowded mall where the likelihood that I would bump into an acquaintance would be high — then the more “networked” I was, and hence the more valuable a human being I must have been.

Now, in our new neighborhood, there was nobody to bump into, nobody to hold me up with important last-minute questions. Everybody walked slowly and most people greeted us to welcome us to the neighborhood.

Where my old job required writing grants and obtaining ever-larger sums of funding, now, my competitive streak was limited to trying to beat my grade-1 and grade-3 kids at checkers and riddles respectively. If I beat them, I felt guilty at being a mean, bad parent; if I got beaten, I wondered if I had lost my marbles.
One More Medical Treatment that Causes Infertility In Women
By: Joel Mwakasege
Tags: Newsletter, Beyourself

Hey,



Next week I will start to release courses on things I do and have learned over this past decade as I build things.



Until Next Tuesday.



— Joel

P.S.

I run a community called Buibui. It’s a community that gives the courage to speak up to the horror-stricken. Extending options to survivors. Benefiting the outcast. Shelter to the hushed, ignored, and oppressed. Not a perfect community but a home. If you’re looking to support a community like this. Consider paying $7.99 and join the community. You get extra features. But the community stays free for everyone else. Click here to learn more.

I was 11 years old, waiting for the doctor to call me and my mom to come to see him. It was an exciting day that every relatively tall 11-year-old would experience; the day you get a glimpse into the future.

When I say I love you I mean it. I’m talking about how I feel when you open up the front door after a long day at work. The door swings open, you roll your bike into the kitchen, and a smile forms on your face. It quickly makes it way to your kind eyes and runs throughout your open arms.

For several years now, I’ve been earning the majority of my income by writing fiction under a variety of pen names you’ve never heard of. And it isn’t anything special about me. Thousands of authors you’ve never heard of are quietly making a full-time living creating fiction.

Quote

“In my experience…and this is a very awkward way to put it, since I don’t really know what the word experience means…the strangest people in one’s life are the people one has known and loved, still know and will always love. Here, both I and the vocabulary are both in trouble, for strangest does not imply stranger. A stranger is a stranger is a stranger, simply, and you watch the stranger to anticipate his next move. But the people who elicit from you a depth of attention and wonder which we helplessly call love are perpetually making moves which cannot possibly be anticipated. Eventually, you realize that it never occurred to you to anticipate their next move, not only because you couldn’t but because you didn’t have to: it was not a question of moving on the next move, but simply, of being present. “

— James Baldwin

Short Jokes

When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.



https://short-funny.com/
As a Child, I Was a Casualty of America’s War on Drugs
By: Carl L Lane
Tags: Addiction, Parenting, Mwc Space, Love, Beyourself

Many years later, when my mother was too old and tired to do anything on the streets except beg, she traded hard drug addiction in for a relatively quiet alcoholism. She married a small man who was also an alcoholic. My brother and I were young men by then. My sister, a teen then, had been adopted by my aunt and given the last name of her husband.

I’m sure a lot of people will read this part of her story and think how sad it is that Mama was never fully able to kick addiction even after all she had been through. But for us the alcohol and the occasional joint meant that she wasn’t going back to prison. It meant that we’d know where she was at night.

By then my grandmother’s house was mostly empty. Full of echoes. She seemed lonely. She smiled when I stopped by. She and my mother developed something of a friendship. They hung out. Two old warriors who had gotten the fight knocked out of them.

Eventually both ended up at the same nursing home. Bad diet. No exercise. Blood pressure. Diabetes. Heart conditions. Husbands who had been blown away by the winds.

I visited my mother as much as I could, and when my heart was strong enough to take it, I walked over to the next hall and saw my grandmother. She was a thousand years old, and small. Before the onset of her dementia, she would tell other visitors and the nursing home staff how she had raised me. She sounded loving, grandmotherly in her own stories, and I resented the lie of it. Part of me was grateful the first time I visited her with my brother and she didn’t remember who I was.

Both my mother and grandmother died there in that place. My grandmother died first and a year of so later my mom died in her sleep. I cried like a baby at both funerals. My grief over their passing made me understand the helplessness of the phrase, falling in love. At times I had been convinced that I hated both of these women.

When I go over to my grandmother’s old house these days it seems empty and small without her in it. Sometimes I’ll open the refrigerator just to smile as I look inside. She had not allowed us access to it for a lot of years. I remember the days that my brother and I had survived on a shared roll of salted crackers that we had stolen after my grandmother had fallen asleep. They say there is no such crime as a child stealing food.

Women say you can tell a lot about a man by the quality of the relationship he has with his mother. Funny.

I remember what it was like to not be wanted in that house. It was big and cold and angry. The space just seems so small now and not just because I’ve grown. It reminds me of a toothless old dog, but I remember when it used to bite.

I remember what it was like to be painfully hungry there and watch other people eat in front of me. I remember the wickedness of their laughter as they ate. I remember what it was like to be a child there, punished everyday for my mother’s sins. I remember what it was like to be a suffering child, forbidden the privilege of tears.
What Happens When Our Parents Stop Being Heroes?
By: Bertilla Niveda
Tags: Family, Growth, Parenting, Love, Beyourself

If you’re like me, you grew up thinking your parents were amazing. My father was the biggest superhero ever. There was nothing he could be wrong about. Of course not! Just the thought was absurd. He was authoritative, highly skilled, and knowledgeable.

My mother? Only the most beautiful, most epic woman in the whole world. I trusted that she knew everything. She had it all figured out. She worked so hard at her full-time job, and she also took great care of me.

My parents still are intelligent and loving. But the level of adulation I had for them back then? It was pretty high. I believed they knew what was best for themselves and for me. Their approval was a top priority for me. If they didn’t like something I did, then it had to be wrong. I mean, they knew everything, right?

And recently I realized that this is not the truth. I don’t know when exactly this image shattered. Was it around the time I rebelled about which college course I should take up? Or was it when I grew up and knew that my identity cannot be everything my parents want it to be?

I’m not sure when, but they stopped being “perfect”.
‘Less is Now’
By: Allie Lambert
Tags: Minimalism, Sustainability, Personal Growth, Decluttering, Beyourself

In an era where brands, content providers, news outlets and tech all compete for our oversaturated, tired attention, “less is more” is a mantra that comes in like a giant breath of fresh air.

In the spirit of keeping that true, I’ll go straight to the point: I am 29 days into my 30-day decluttering challenge and I just can’t get enough of it.

Here in the UK, this is our third lockdown and one many of us seem to struggle with most. And with very few distractions around, I decided to sink into it (challenge accepted!) and find treasure troves within.

Firstly, things I found really help include:

A structured routine, with a commitment to kick-start each day with self-care — physical and mental. Even if it’s only a 10mins stretch.

Keeping real about how I’m actually doing and feeling. Here goes: “how are you today?” — “so-so/struggling/I feel like shit”. The simple, liberating truth.

Intentionally directing my mind to achievements and gratitude, as I wrote a few weeks back.

But what has been novel and exciting to me started after watching the documentary “Less is Now”, as an experiment into Minimalism.

Looking inwards.

What I am exploring here, is how to regain control of my home — and life. Decluttering (we do need so little to live happy, healthy lives) by examining and deciding what actually brings value to my life.

For all those who have said at some point “we have so much stuff we don’t need!” you will love this. Everyone who “feels stuck” or heavy, tired, unmotivated — this is for you.

Letting go, one step at a time.

A powerful concept which resonates in KonMari (only keep what sparks joy), sustainable consumption (summarised by Vivienne Westwood as “reduce, choose well, make it last, quality not quantity”) as well as Buddhist values.

We’re so used to accumulating things as proof of social status, wealth, success or sadly at times, our own value.

Decluttering goes much further when we let go of our attachment to things—or thoughts, feelings, plans or the way we think plans should unfold — and just let them be.
Self love isn’t a fad
By: Bella Fawkes
Tags: Healing, Self Care, Pandemic Diaries, Self Care Tips, Beyourself

I kind of felt like I’d forgotten how to write. Forget writing, I barely read any books the whole of 2020.

But last week, I did. I revisited a favorite author and a book I’d previously read and liked, but was hazy about the details of, since I’d read it so long ago. A book I was sure to love and enjoy, basically. And it helped. I read a book again after over half a year of nothing. And books are a really important part of my life, a way for me to show myself some love and care. To take out time for myself to do nothing but enjoy a well written book. An activity I had no problem making time and taking effort for, over all these years, even in my lowest of lows. But this pandemic made things different.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I read that book. I enjoyed it. And I let me make myself happy.

Before I read that book, I did another small thing for myself for a couple of weeks. I reminded myself to put on moisturizer every night. A small daily ritual that made me feel better about myself. That small act of self love made me go to bed feeling better. Waking up every morning feeling a little more nourished, not just on my skin, but in my mind as well. Point it, it took two weeks of doing that small thing, which made me feel good enough to do the next small thing for myself. Like I said before, whatever gets the ball rolling.

Today I lit a vegan candle I’d bought a couple of years ago and stored it for some day when it would be worth using such a pretty candle. Some day could be today, right? And so today I lit that candle. And it smelled so great.

Photo by Apothecary 87 on Unsplash

Self care looks different for everybody. It could be meditation, reading, writing, playing video games, going on a drive, cooking, treating yourself to ice cream, whatever. Self care, now more than ever, is the need of the hour. It isn’t a fad. It isn’t a convenient thing to do or an excuse to be selfish. And it doesn’t even matter what people say. I think it’s okay to be selfish too, if that’s what someone’s form of self care is — for example, a person who puts everyone else before themselves, and other people’s joy before their own. That person needs to be a little selfish to prevent heartache and burnout.
Being more than one type of person - Published in BeYourself
Tags: Career Confusion, Labels, Adulthood, Immigrant Stories, Beyourself

Naive. That was the existential dilemma I had at eighteen before clicking ‘accept offer’ on my University portal. I was actually looking forward to experiencing new people, new potential, new perspectives. The dilemma existed only because I assumed this degree would define who I would be, forever.

It didn’t.

After a decade of non-linear lifestyle, relationship and career pursuits, I know what I am. A sweet and sour soup of interests, beliefs, characteristics, and ambitions.

At the cusp of entering adulthood, I deliberated how to define myself and how others might define me. Artist, scientist, or business woman? Can you be a a career leader and a present mother to your kids? Can you party until 3am and be a respectful Indian woman? Can you be Catholic and disagree with the Church? Desires seemed to be made of oxymorons defined by society and cultural norms, and I couldn’t pick a side.

I kicked off adulthood with continent hopping, career hustling and euphoric socializing. Slowly my thoughts became weighted with questions on financial security, marriage, kids, where to settle. At this point, I deliberated once again on how to define my personality, career, purpose.

This era of swiping and scrolling gives an open window for our community to see what we are doing, where we are going and decide what type of person that makes us. I’ve admittedly hesitated from doing things I wanted, cautious of what type of person it might make me. At some point, this subconscious limits us from seeing the multitude of possibilities in front. We close doors to our desires, anxious of what label we are breaking or creating.

After I released this urge to wrestle my character and dreams into a curated expectation, the existential dilemma ceased. I graduated with a degree in Biomedical science, only to never work in that space. I saw other possibilities that started with Management Consulting, continues with creative pursuits, and will end somewhere I can’t predict. This thread of unpredictability runs through other parts of my life too, and I’m glad I let it.

There is nothing wrong with re-defining yourself, especially when you feel unsettled and restricted. My favourite description of this process is the lobster metaphor. When a lobster grows, its rigid shell starts to become confining. This discomfort is the catalyst for a period where the lobster retreats from the crowd, sheds its old shell, and grows a better fitting one.

The lobster doesn’t lie. I can define myself over and over again, however it serves me best.
I Don’t Get Sick, I’m Vegan
By: Raúl Güereque
Tags: Veganism, Plant Based, Immune System, Health, Beyourself

Ever since my wife and I went vegan, we no longer get sick. If we feel like we’re coming down with something, we do two things: eat and rest. That’s it. Whatever it was is gone in a few hours or by the next morning at the latest.

No OTC

Even though we do have some natural, vegan medications which reduce the duration and severity of a cold or flu and boost recovery, we basically stopped taking over-the-counter medicine about five years ago. And although bad stress headaches (or migraines for my wife) have on occasion required an aspirin, our main medicines are food and us.

We used to get sick

My wife and I are both teachers, and before the pandemic, we were around children all day. While I would rarely get sick, when I did, I would get a nasty, debilitating, almost paralyzing cough that would last between one and two weeks. My wife would come down with a cold or flu several times a year, like clockwork. It would also take her about one to two weeks to get over it.

No more bundling up

We used to have to bundle up more than we do now, especially my wife. If we didn’t, it was a guaranteed sore throat by morning. Sometimes it was worse. The thing is that I would feel cold not just be cold. Now I just know it’s brisk or chilly. I actually feel my immune system powering through. This probably sounds weird if you’re not Hispanic, but bundling up to not get sick is a thing — at least in Mexican households.

It’s been three years and neither of us has gotten sick.

My proof

Besides routinely taking B-12 and Zinc in the last year and having more stress, the only new additions to our lives are our two-year-old and plant-based diet, so we’re absolutely sure it’s the food we’re ingesting and the food we’re not. We didn’t get sick the year prior to our daughter’s birth either.

Visits to the doctor’s office or hospital for anything non-serious have been nonexistent. Our baby? She’s as healthy as can be. In fact, the surgeon who delivered her was amazed by the placenta and umbilical cord, asking my wife, “what on earth are you eating?!”

Some research

Did we do any extensive research? We did some. We started with Medical Medium’s 28-day cleanse, got some tips, encouragement, and looked up recipes. The most important thing is that we paid and continue to pay attention to our bodies. The answers are all there.
When the World Is Overwhelming, This Is What I Do
By: Jamie D Stacey
Tags: Family, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Self, Beyourself

“The world is big… and I am small” — Me, children’s book by Emma Dodd

I’m re-reading a children’s book to myself and I see everything. That’s the feeling: when the room shrinks and presses against me, the floorboards shift and creak under my feet, and the world goes loud and bright and wraps its long, loveless arms around me. That’s the feeling.

“The world is fast . . . and I am small.”

The phone’s buzzing, another light, another blistering blue in the corner of the screen that I can’t ignore. Friends? Apps? Bills? Work is calling. The news is calling. I can’t keep up. In screens and in society everything runs at the speed of light, digital, but all I am is analogue.

“The winter is long… and I am small.”

The coldness of my phone, my laptop, the robot voice on the phone as I try to contact my doctor, the call centre, anyone. Even summer can feel like a cold winter’s day.

“These things are big and long and deep, and strong and high and far and steep… and I am small.”

Everything, everything pushing against me. I need a break. I need to disconnect.

I need to step outside.
How to Stop Worrying So Much
By: Emily Cunliffe
Tags: Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Personal Growth, Self-awareness, Beyourself

Pick yourself up and try again

Our relationship blossomed, and we enjoyed exploring this beautiful part of the world together. I continued to try not to worry about the things I couldn’t control, and do something about the things I could.

I had to accept that my wedding music business was not going to work anytime soon thanks to the pandemic, so I needed to get a job. I worked on my CV and handed it out to every place I could think of. It started to feel pointless as I was made aware of how many other people were looking for jobs, and how unsure businesses were about hiring during such a time.

This job-hunting process showed me that I’d come a long way. Whenever I felt sad or worried that I’d never get a job or find a way to support myself, I didn’t let it consume me.

Instead of worrying, I was revelling in the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets and taking pleasure in the small things. I was glad to have the awareness that one day I’d look back on this free time with nostalgia, so there was no point moping around and wasting it.

One day, I got a text from the lady who runs the little café on our street — “Hi Emily, just wondering if you’re still looking for a job? If so it would be great if you could pop in for a chat.”

It had been a long time since a text had made me jump for joy!

We arranged to chat the following week and I got a part-time job. I came back from my first day on a high, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy working anywhere!”, I told my boyfriend as I ran through the door. I think it was a combination of the friendly team, chats with the locals, learning how to make fancy coffees (I’m obsessed with the stuff), understanding how a kitchen works behind the scenes, and taking on a new challenge. I adored every aspect of it.

When the January lockdown was announced, the café closed.

I was out of work again with no idea when it would open, and I had missed the starting deadline for furlough. On top of this, the job I had was only two days a week, and I needed to find more hours elsewhere.

I started applying for other part-time jobs and was fighting the impulse to be hard on myself for not hearing back. I felt deflated and I had a big sorry-for-myself sob.

I could only hope that the ups and downs of the past few years were setting me up for something…
How can we use technology to increase women’s safety?
By: Uttara Shekar
Tags: Women, India, Equality, Consent, Beyourself

Simple and inexpensive technologies that can be built in today’s age to help keep women safe.

In countries like India where a woman is unable to step out after dark or in isolated areas because of the fear of getting molested or raped, women’s safety is a huge issue. India is rated as one of the most unsafe countries for women in the world. Violence against women and sexual harassment is unfortunately so common in India that numerous sources state that in India, a woman is raped every 15 minutes. Even in metropolitan cities like Mumbai and New Delhi, atrocities against a woman happen on a near-daily basis. The goal of this post is to shed light on the different technologies that can be built to enable and enhance women’s safety.

In today’s age, it has become fairly easy to build a GPS enabled device. All cellphones have GPS these days. These days, even smart-watches, headphones, and other accessories like rings come with a GPS/GPRS enabled. While the GPS cannot always point to an exact location, alert signals like a cop car that shows up even at an approximately accurate location may still be enough to deter an attacker. Most of the devices listed below will assume that the device is tied to an app on the user’s phone which is GPS enabled and can send alerts to the police/loved ones with the user’s GPS location.
You Are Your Own Authority. Own it!
By: Alenka Tercic
Tags: Trust Yourself, Authority, Believe In Yourself, Believe, Beyourself

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Honestly…

How many ebooks, cheat sheets, templates… have you downloaded, maybe looked at them, and let them sit on the computer or your desk?

How many times have you believed that someone else will hand you a magic wand that will solve all your problems only to realize it’s not what you need?

How much time have you spent watching other people’s webinars, trainings, and challenges, only to figure that you already know this or so much more?

I’ve been there.

I’ve done the same.

I always thought others must know something I don’t. If only I’d learn their strategy; if only I’d use their system; if only I’d have their skills…

And I kept looking to others instead of trusting I know what’s best for me.

I believed others have it all figured out and I have still so much to learn.

Nothing wrong with learning, we all need to learn every day. But it’s different if you are purposefully learning something to help you with your vision and goals. The problem is when you are collecting “knowledge” that you don’t know if you’ll ever use it or need it, “just in case” to not miss something.

I also compared my website, my videos, my posts, my results… with those who had a great engagement, big following, and made 6 or 7 figures. I got frustrated when I didn’t see results and felt overwhelmed when I was forcing and pushing instead allowing it to flow.

It took me a long time to start believing in myself.

To realize that I am on my own journey.

And accepting that I know enough.

That I have what it takes.

That I can do it MY WAY.

Not only that, but that MY WAY is the best way for me.

Not what others are doing,

how others are living,

what others are experiencing…

but what I do,

what I create

and how I live.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN AUTHORITY.

YOU with your own vibe, words, emotions, past, and future, struggles and wins, breakthroughs and dreams, with your own flow, in your own time, at your own pace…

Be proud of it. Own it! And keep on shining.

Hugs,

Alenka

p.s. Would you rather have a personal conversation about your situation? Let’s set up a time to talk, I’m happy to help any way I can.

Schedule here!

Have you joined THE MIDLIFE SORORITY where women in their 40s and 50s connect, support, and inspire each other on the journey through midlife?
If You are Hurting You are Not Alone
By: Brian Grayum
Tags: Mental Health, Self Improvement, Hope, Personal Growth, Beyourself

I sat outside under the stars tonight as someone I love bore their soul to me. Through tears and an elevating voice, they did their best to express all of their fears, doubts and hurts and the toll they have taken on their life. My heart broke as I recognized these rantings, for their pain sounded like mine.

Themes of self-doubt and self-loathing, feeling unvalued and unneeded, feeling like we don’t matter; these are devastating burdens to bear, and difficult to overcome. Her tears are my tears because we are connected. Her pain is my pain because we are connected.

What would you tell someone who was experiencing the same pain as you?

I could not erase her pain, and I could not solve her problems, because I have not figured out mine yet. What I did was shower her with an affirmation of her goodness and ensured her of my love for her.

As I sit here tonight, sleep eludes me, and I wonder if I can offer that same love and affirmation to myself that I offered to my loved one? Love yourself, that is the starting point. This love is not rooted in vanity, rather it is a proclamation that we are lovers and we must love ourselves to rightly love others.

I turn to the Bible for inspiration and help sometimes, and Mark 12:31 says to love your neighbor as yourself. Even in the Bible self care is the foundation for living a life of love. Loving myself is the foundation for me to love others.
CHANGE CAN BE SCARY, BUT IT IS WHAT BRINGS GLORY
Tags: Different, Change, Beyourself

CHANGE CAN BE SCARY, BUT IT IS WHAT BRINGS GLORY RishitaBurman May 20·3 min read

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

Don’t fear change. I know my way of saying is quite assertive, but fearing change is what has been keeping you behind. And it’s not just a few people’s problems, but our entire nation, India, has received the status of a backward country because of this reason. It is a societal problem, which, as a result, caused economic and other growth issues. Our ancestors have instilled in our minds that change is terrible, horrific, and hazardous. But they only focused on the negative aspect of change.

I want to quote here, “ A bird who dares to fall is the bird who learns to fly.”

Photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash

Yes, I know change can be scary sometimes. But at the same time, it gives us the glorious feeling of achieving something, something new, and something different. Everything doesn’t have to be bound down by norms; everything does not have to be monotonous. That is what makes the world colorful.

I solely consider it is the greatest social evils in India.

From a very early age, our parents and relatives, and neighbors teach us how we should look, what we should wear, how we should walk and talk, and even tend to decide our future by themselves. And if someone dares for a change, they remark it as “uncultured”. A girl is expected to construct herself up to the expectations of her future husband. “A girl having a fair skin, appropriate height and weight, who knows how to cook and clean the house, abiding by her parents and later to her husband” is referred to as a good girl in our society.

Similarly, Boys are expected to be manly. Boys wearing makeup or even applying a moisturizer is taboo in our society. It somehow affects their manhood.

But who exactly are you to teach us that? And why should we even listen to you? We are not born to be a servant. We have our right to live free and live differently. If you can make a rule, then I was born to change that. Change that you can tie me and my limits down.

Change is the only reality. If you can’t change, you perish; that’s the simple rule of nature. Please don’t waste your time for change to happen because it won’t.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”-Gandhi.

Because great things never come from your comfort zone.

See even I am no one t tell you what to do. All I am trying to do is to be that voice, which more or less we all have subdued to some point.

Anyone who is reading this promise me you will dare change. And next time someone tries to tell you what to do or what to be, reply them on their face with a loud voice, “you and your advice are callous to the society, so shut the ****up!”
Why I Took a Solo Trip to the Desert
By: Ellie Guzman
Tags: Travel, Self Improvement, Identity, Life, Beyourself

I like to think that I’m pretty independent. Growing up, my parents didn’t really speak English and worked multiple jobs, so I learned to be my own advocate at school, at the doctor’s office, you name it. I worked all through college and now fully provide for myself. But something about going on a trip alone terrified me.

I knew I wanted to go to Joshua Tree, but the timing never aligned with friends, family, or my boyfriend. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I realized that going by myself was even an option. I felt a rush of freedom thinking “Yeah, I can go alone! I can go whenever I want and do whatever I want to do!” But as soon as I processed that, the fear came. Obviously I was afraid of being a woman traveling alone, but more than anything I was fearful of being truly 100% by myself. I tried to push the solo trip thoughts out of my mind.

A funny thing about trying to forget about something is that you start to see it everywhere. Suddenly people at work and on social media were raving about solo trips. I looked at pictures of both women and men going off to the woods, to spas, to the mountains by themselves. I felt jealousy building in my throat, not just about the beautiful trips but about having the guts to take a plunge like that in the first place. I started to realize more and more how often I cut myself off at the knees out of pure fear.

I knew the only thing stopping me from taking a solo trip was myself. I had a window of vacation time I could use at work, and I had room in my budget thanks to a recent wave of overtime. I knew I could use the rest and again, no one was telling me not to go except me. I felt the fear and insecurities rush in, and that’s when I knew I had to do it.

I hopped on the internet and booked an Airbnb in Yucca Valley. I was officially going to the desert by myself, for no reason other than I wanted to.
Musical Saturday night in Visby (Sweden)
By: Abdul Otman
Tags: Ecovillage, Visby, Concerts, Music, Beyourself

Since the 1st of October 2019, I live in Suderbyn, an ecovillage in Sweden. It’s my first weekend here, and I take the chance to share this rich experience at Visby.

Guys, Saturday evening there will be a concert. The singer has this sweet male voice. You have to come!

Say no more Sergey! I didn’t plan on spending my first weekend geeking (not that I used to do that anyway…ahem).

But before getting a piece of David Åhlén (I can’t always call him the sweet male voice guy), we took a little detour to Visby’s library: Almedalsbiblioteket.

Most of the books in Suderbyn are in Swedish, so I was looking forward to getting a refill in my literary diet. The library is gorgeous and easy to understand for a foreigner. It took exactly 1 minute 23 seconds to get my library card. Way, waaaay more to choose my book. One author caught my eye, Jeffrey Archer. I had already read and enjoyed Not a penny more, not a penny less, an Ocean’s Eleven style story, a little more believable, story-wise. How 4 different men can come together and get their sweet sweet revenge. I took a shot at another of his books: A Prisoner of Birth.