Silence is golden…or is it?
By: Natalie Brown
Tags: Buddhism, Self Improvement, Meditation, Self, Life

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Silence is golden…or is it?

What I learnt from my first Buddhist silent meditation retreat.

So… I’m just back from my first weekend Buddhist silent meditation retreat and I have to say I LOVED it!!

I was so nervous the few days before the retreat. It is the first time I’ve done anything even remotely similar. I was worried about the silence, worried about the digital detox, worried about the lack of red wine and being on my own etc. All of these worries were totally unfounded…

I arrived at the retreat centre on Friday after work, there were 60 people attending. We settled into our rooms, had a quick light supper, we had our introductions to the staff and monastic’s who would be doing the retreat with us — then we went silent and did our first guided meditation.

There were 4 main lessons/talks over the weekend (The 4 Brahma-Viharas (Divine Abodes)) to the retreat: Caring, love, joy and balance.

My key takeaway lessons for you:

Love your body

You only have one body so treasure it — it is priceless. Venerable Bhante Bodhidhaja showed us a video describing if you owned a million-dollar racehorse would you give it alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or fast food? No, you wouldn’t as you would look after your investment. So why do we do this to our own priceless bodies? We need to look at after it and invest in its welfare by eating healthy, doing exercise, meditating, reducing stress and being in the present.

Care about others

Just listen and be there for someone. You do not need to offer advice or try to solve their problems, or take their problems on your shoulders, all you need to do is empathise. Let that person know you are there for them.

Experience love

Have an open heart to love. Don’t fall just for romantic love as this fades over time, make sure you have friendship in your romantic relationships too. Friendship is long term but rose-tinted glasses can fade, as does lust. Be there for your family and friends, love them unconditionally.

Be open to joy

Try to feel joy like a child without any embarrassment. Push yourself to have new experiences — don’t hold back. Be brave and be vulnerable. Make memories and remember the good times. Print those digital photos and put them in an actual photo album and look through and remember the great times. Do this in your head too , create a memory bank of great times. When you start meditation, you can remember one of these great times to put you in a positive frame of mind. Guard and cherish the memories in your heart (and your photos albums).

Eat more vegetarian food and eat mindfully

Vegetarian food can be delicious and healthy — try new recipes, experiment with your food. Savour your food. Eat slowly. Don’t eat too much. Fuel your body with what it needs.

Be kind to others BUT also be kind to yourself

Be kind — both to yourself and to others. Don’t be harsh on yourself — we are sometimes our own worst critic. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a hug. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you have made. Listen to yourself. Relax. Be there for others. Be a good friend but not at the detriment of your own wellbeing.

Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash

Money and physical possessions will not make you happy

We spend a lot of our lives striving for more money, or nice cars or bigger houses. But you know what they don’t have long-lasting feelings of happiness. Time is more precious, friendships are more precious, and quality time with your family will make you happier.

Try to get balance (equanimity) in your life

Try not to get carried away with anything — don’t go to either extreme — try to stay grounded. Don’t do anything to excessive levels. For example in a relationship don’t get excessively/obsessively attached or on the other hand be too distant. Try to find balance — a happy medium. Be a good person but with caution; Bhante Bodhidhaja made the example of you witness someone being mugged — you might think that the right thing, or noble thing, to do is jump to try to rescue the person being mugged. However, this might not be the right thing to do if this is going to cause harm to you or has the potential (i.e. if the mugger looks a lot stronger than you etc) to make the situation even worse for the person being mugged. You need to consider options and go with the one that will most likely keep you safe, but also help the person — for example, call the police for help rather than put yourself into harm’s way.

It feels good to be selfless

As part of the retreat, we were invited to sign up for cleaning and kitchen duties to help out. I signed up for chopping veggies seen as how cleaning isn’t my forte…I soon found out that neither is thinly slicing cabbage either, but I gave it a good shot and I felt great afterwards — I was contributing. The spiced cabbage for lunch was also amazing!

Take time away from your phone

I made a conscious effort not to check my phone the whole retreat and I tell you it felt great. My mind was more relaxed, I felt so much more chilled. I’m going to give myself a 2-day digital detox once a month if I can.

So…Silence really is golden! I felt by being silent and not having to make conversation with new people I had more energy, I could concentrate better on the teachings and meditations. I also did a lot of self-reflection.

I’d really recommend you attend a silent retreat if you get the chance — I guarantee you will reap a lot of benefits. If you cannot attend a silent retreat just try to start up a practice of regular meditation or yoga. Give yourself a break from Tech. You will honestly feel so much more grounded.