We are free spirits(2)
By: Free Spiriter
Tags: Spiritual Growth, Diary, Self-awareness, Loneliness, Self Love

We are free spirits(2)

It’s Thanksgiving weekend. But I don’t feel happy. And maybe it’s true that there isn’t anything that I should be thankful about. It was cold, lonely, and wet. There comes, a feeling that people are having a great event together. And I am not included, nor invited. Often do I find myself, walking alone on the street, without people crossing by, during the day. Here I am, living in a big house alone, helping my landlord to safeguard the house when he is on a two-month trip. Sometimes, it’s just really really hard to live in a house alone, for two months. I often make jokes on myself for getting in this situation: If I die at this moment, probably on one will ever notice, not until my landlord is back from his long trip 8000. It’s good that his trip has almost come to an end. He’s coming back next Wednesday. During this period of isolation, it really gives me a lot of chances to get to know myself more. I took me 21 years to finally realize that I am not good at socializing, nor getting to know new people. Often do I find myself, being alone. It just seems to me that I am a loner. I have always been a loner. It’s quite exhausting to be honest. Sometimes, I don’t know what the point of waking up, and getting up from bed at 6a.m. every fucking morning, when the sun hasn’t even risen. Sometimes, it’s just hard to find something that can push you to look forward to another great day, when every day is just the same, lonely, and cold, and wet.

Because of this, I have started to think a lot lately. What’s the point of living a life? Am I the only one who only sees frauds in his life? What’s the line between life and death, when we are living without our souls. Who am I? I have been asking this question for more than 21 years, and I haven’t got the answer yet. I haven’t been a fan of social media for a way. I have stopped using Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat for a few months. I used be to a fanatic for social media, craving for likes and attention. I have tried as many ways as I could to raise my followers and likes. I used to follow a lot of influencers and had tried to copy their ways to be like them. Of course, I never succeeded. I used to think I have a lot of friends, it wasn’t until I came to the US to finally realize that I don’t really have that many friends. I took me years to finally realize that instagram is just a fake platform. In the end, social media is just a fake platform, a platform that leads people away from being themselves, just like education. I thought I would be disconnected from the world when I decided not to use instagram and facebook. I thought that would make people to react differently. It just turns out that social media has also made people to evolve into a self centered idiot who think they have made huge significance to the world that if they suddenly stop using social media, the world would crash. It’s great that I had realized how idiotic I was and I am glad that I find that out early. During these two months, I suddenly found out that I have lived in a huge bubble, a fake reality that has led me away from myself. What’s relationship actually? Do I really know the person who has liked my instagram post, which is about calculated and meaningless posture and captions without meanings. Do people actually care about what I post and do they read what I post? We have become social animals that we have people hearing us, but no one is listening. People seems to have thousands or even millions of followers, but how many of them would come out to offer help when we need them? I don’t know. I just simply never had thousands of followers. I saw people who have thousands of followers telling people that they are lonely, when they have so many people behind them. It makes me wonder, are we all living lonely? We have fed up ourselves with so much information and so many messages every day(not me though) and we still find ourselves lonely. The more we engage ourselves with social media, the bigger the hole inside our body is. I know it.

I have tried to find ways to fill the huge hole inside. You won’t believe how crazy I was to find different “pleasures”, just to make that emptiness, ghostly silence, and gloom go away. And now, I just realize how stupid I was. Trying to be materialistic to be free. But the freedom we get is never the true freedom. I look for spiritual freedom. The feeling of truly free. We all want freedom. We all do. And I guess this is the nature of ever human being. We were born with this free nature. Yet this world, this education, have led us away from it, form our nature. This is why we can see people all over the world, not just Hong Kong, fighting for their own freedoms. We just simply can’t be constrained. Birds are meant to fly, and men are born to be free. When people fight for freedom, people die, people suffer. Some may ask, is it worth sacrificing? The answer is always simple: yes.

We are just simply taking our nature back, going back to the palace we used to belong to. It’s called going home. We were born to be free spirits. And we will always be.