10 Months of Quarantining & I’m Burnt Out
By: Yael Wolfe
Tags: Quarantine, Relationships, Mental Health, Pandemic, Family

10 Months of Quarantining & I’m Burnt Out

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

I have been dreading the holiday season since that moment last summer in which I realized the pandemic would not yet be over by the end of the year, that our family traditions would have to be canceled, and that I’d have to come up with an inflexible quarantine plan in order to be able to see everyone and not end up spending the holidays alone.

With my father having recently moved into an assisted living facility, it was especially important to make sure he wasn’t alone on the holidays. But how would I do that? His circle of exposure is larger than mine and definitely larger than my mother’s, which meant I couldn’t see both him and my mother on the same day. I have to quarantine for two weeks to see my mother, so would I spend the morning of the holidays with her after two weeks of quarantine and then drive 14 miles to my brother’s house in the afternoons to spend the rest of the day with his family and my father?

It sounded exhausting to me, honestly, so I finally made the selfish choice to spend all of Thanksgiving with Levi and his family and our dad, and all of Christmas with my mom and brother Jack, leaving Levi on “Dad Duty” for Christmas.

With my father in assisted living now, it was especially important to make sure he wasn’t alone on the holidays. But how would I do that?

But then there was the issue of Levi’s son’s birthday on December 26th. Felix has been struggling a lot this year, his usually bursting social calendar stripped down to a few visits with a friend twice a month, and 3 or 4 visits with Auntie Yael each month. He’s only seen his grandmother and Uncle Jack twice since the pandemic began and hasn’t seen his cousins or Aunt Tegan since last Christmas.

Okay…I could spend Christmas at my mom’s house, then head home that night so I could unpack and be ready for Felix’s birthday the next morning… No, that felt like a lot of rushing. How about I head home on the morning of the 26th and throw everything into the house to unpack later, and then run over to Levi’s house for the birthday celebration?

My sister-in-law has been texting me about this for the past two days and I’ve been having a hard time getting back to her because…I don’t want to deal with this anymore.

I’ve spent the last 10 months poring over my calendar, looking two and three months ahead to plan the near-monthly quarantines I’ve had to endure. My brother Levi and I had to plan our camping trip in between all the summer birthdays and the quarantines leading into those birthdays. I had to plan quarantines around Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now for Christmas.

And then there was the unexpected news that my sister was moving in early October, and since I had only been able to see the kids twice since the pandemic began, I was more than willing to remain in quarantine for six weeks in order to spend that time with the kids and protect little Alex’s health. And in that six weeks, I missed both my best friends’ birthdays and an important family event.

There are months of this to come and I don’t know what to do, anymore. I’m tired. I’m sick of it all. I don’t even remember what it was like to be able to travel freely from one friend or family member to another without worry, without planning ahead at least two weeks in advance.

I don’t want to do this anymore.