Roll the R-Word Off Your Tongue: The Evolution of a Word
By: Dan Bellows
Tags: Disability, Special Olympics, Equality, Advocacy, Respect

Long gone are the days where sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you. The simple combination of words such as “I don’t like you”, or singletons like “faggot”, “ugly” and “scum” can be a lot more painful than being on the receiving end of a swift backhander to the face. Unlike physical injuries — which often resolve with time, the psychological impact stemming from both intentional and unintentional verbal abuse undeniably manifests many problems. Words can sometimes cause lifelong damage that may never heal. I carry with me the lifelong emotional and psychological pain a particular word has brought to my family and myself, growing up with my triplet brother who has multiple disabilities.

I am a Speech Pathologist, passionate about communication and basic human rights, which I believe should, in an ideal world, come hand in hand. The ability to communicate with familiar or unfamiliar people in various situations, effectively, meaningfully and confidently is an indisputable freedom everyone deserves. Speech pathology enables me to positively contribute, by optimizing an individual’s potential to achieve this skill. It can be as intricate as manipulation of the speech production mechanism, addressing poor phonological awareness, using alternative or augmentative communication, or other rewarding processes, such as reducing communication barriers or improving confidence in everyday communication.

There are more than just rights that need to be addressed. I want to discuss how I think everyone can offer greater support for people with disabilities to achieve the same freedom as others. I also believe it starts with something simple… Females, different ethnic groups, people with alternative sexual orientations, children, or those with disabilities, can only make the most of their deserving rights, if they feel supported. Being supported is the basis to achieving the desired result — which in most cases is living the life we desire, happily and free from fear or judgment.

I am a triplet with two amazing brothers, and we are twenty-three. One of my brothers Pierce, is terminally ill with a diagnosis of an aggressive Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia. He underwent chemotherapy, which proved to be unsuccessful, so he was given the only other viable option of immunotherapy, which ‘masks’ the Leukaemia and essentially helps us gain time with him. It is basically still an experimental drug and in very limited supply due to cost and high demand. Pierce also has Down Syndrome, Bi Polar Disorder and Autism. While my family experiences the most difficult time of our lives coming to terms with Pierce’s prognosis and accepting a bleak future, I have found myself spending a lot of time thinking about all the things I’d like to do for him.

Creating awareness about the impact a particular word has on ours, and many people’s lives is high on my bucket list.

I began writing this as a form of self-expression, then I realised there were various other reasons compelling me to start this discussion. The #timesup movement which focused on sexual harassment in response to the ‘Weinstein effect’, recently ascended, and I found it a more-than-appropriate time to speak out and address the deserving rights of individuals with disabilities. Then, I found it an even more appropriate time to discuss negatively loaded words in light of a recent controversial joke attempt made by a renowned comedian on Netflix — which in fact, attacked a vulnerable, marginalized group in our society. But the most important reason for doing this is in light of my experiences surrounding my triplet brother Pierce. He is a constant reminder for me to push outside my boundaries and to see the good in people, as well as the potential people have to be good. I will delve a little deeper, but first thing’s first.

We all know the R-word, don’t we?

It’s a little bit like the F-word but it differs in that it’s arguably more offensive, degrading and it personally leaves me feeling more than a little uneasy. You might genuinely not know which word I’m talking about? Perhaps the word you’re thinking of doesn’t seem insulting. Perhaps you’re thinking you’d like to stop reading now, because you know which word I’m talking about and feel that I’m just being a little sensitive. Or, perhaps you use it in your everyday vocabulary and don’t see what the fuss is about? In any case, if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m talking about the word ‘retard’.

Lots of people have different views about this word.

Here’s mine — from someone who is affected by this word and not because I’m ‘soft’, but because my lived experiences with this word are negative and hurtful, as it is for so many others. I like to think of the etymology of the word ‘retard’ as a little like a game of UNO. For starters, its use is most popular amongst 8–16 year old children. However, adults will sometimes join in, often out of boredom, and it can end in tears. There are variations, but the underlying goal is the same. Overall, it becomes progressively tiresome, and no one usually ends up winning. But hey, join in if you’re after a cheap laugh.

Dating back as far as the 1400’s, the word ‘retard’ derived from the Latin word ‘retardare’ meaning to hinder or make slow. Like a game of UNO — this is kind of a little like the instructions, or the House Rules. Someone, somewhere along the line set down the rules and the general population went along with it without asking too many questions.

In 1704 the word was first printed in an American Newspaper from a scientific perspective, but it wasn’t until the 1960s when the word was first used to label people who were intellectually disabled. The ambition was to re-label individuals as ‘mentally retarded’, rather than to use what were considered to be, at the time, ‘out-dated’ terms such as imbecile or moron. The word became abbreviated, as many similar terms have, from an adjective to a noun in common use. This is the part where a player bends the rules. But hang on, some didn’t sign up for this when learning the House Rules?

It wasn’t until more recently — in fact, only 33 years ago today — when it became somewhat socially acceptable for the word to be used as a reference for people who were intellectually or even physically disabled. The REVERSE card is now dealt. From here, everything goes backwards, and those affected are forced to continue on with the hope they’ll survive.

The word soon rapidly became a term of derision, when it was frequently interchanged with words such as idiot or stupid. A big fat DRAW4 WILD CARD is presented. Those susceptible to this pitfall are defenceless.

Particular media and representative groups such as congress have rallied to outlaw this word altogether, but it is still regularly used by many, worldwide, and people I know personally, today. This is where the SKIP card comes in. Players use this card when they prefer to pass and do little to interfere with the state of play. They just want to go with the flow.

Then, in America in 2010, the mission to eliminate the federal government’s use of the R-word was achieved by a young girl called Rosa Marcellino, who is a Special Olympics contender with Down Syndrome. She demonstrated why it is valuable to acknowledge and appreciate individuals who are handed a unique deck of cards in life. Now compare two card decks while playing UNO: Deck 1 — consisting of mostly the same colour, and Deck 2 — a handful of random cards with variation. One will soon find that the latter hand is preferable. In a game where conditions change so rapidly and unpredictably, holding a diverse hand is better. This is particularly applicable in a world where the environment, people and social expectations also change so frequently. With diversity and difference, comes the power to control the future. There is more to work with, it can provide perspective, and it can certainly help you out. Diversity and difference wins both the game of UNO and this game we call LIFE every time.

It has taken me much of my twenty-three years to gain the courage to confess my loathing of the ‘R-word’, but still not to anyone directly. I first used the word ‘retard’ many, many years ago, when I was listening to the Black Eyed Peas track “let’s get it started” and I remember explaining to Mum how there were two versions, with the second substituting “let’s get retarded”. I was advised very quickly by Mum to listen to version one and encouraged not to use this word, and without really understanding why, I never used that word again. Simple.

When we were quite young, a bully in our hometown saw our brother hopping off what was commonly referred to as the “short” bus. He smirked and told Healy and I he had seen our ‘retarded’ brother. At the time I didn’t know what he meant by this. Healy later explained to me when we got home and we both cried, devastated at the thought someone would make fun of him when he’d never done anything wrong. With this confronting experience at quite an early age, we soon realized what we were all in for, particularly when growing up in a small country town.

Since those early days, I accepted it as okay for strangers, close friends, distant family members and even partners to use this word around me — peculiarly, when they all knew that I had a very close brother of mine with multiple disabilities. I used to think I’d just let it go because I believed it wasn’t up to me to tell people what they should or shouldn’t say. It is always extremely difficult to confront anybody — especially friends — in this way. This may be the very reason the R-word is still around in this day and age. It is perhaps only when some insulting words become illegal or politically incorrect, that things may change. It was always a letdown for me when I’d hear friends choose to use this word as part of their everyday vocabulary. I seldom find people I know quite well, who don’t use the R-word. When I actually come across these ‘non-users’, I find it a very attractive quality in them. It would be silly to eliminate all the people who say the R-word from my life — because it may just be a case of enlightenment to perhaps change their thoughts a little, and they are all generally of good will.

But where do we draw the line? What about all those other words we use like idiot and moron — aren’t they offensive too? Although these words are still undeniably insulting, Peter Sokolowski who is an editor-at-large for Merriam-Webster, believes it has to do with the lack of knowledge surrounding word origins, and that greater understanding of our knowledge base for things like disorders and brain function has influenced necessary changes in vocabulary. Unfortunately, this concept hasn’t fully caught on with the infamous R-word. Language columnist for the Wall Street Journal Ben Zimmer, explains that similar words like ‘moron’ which originated in psychological research, lost their scholarly reputation very quickly as they became popularly used as synonyms for words like ‘fool’. The reason the R-word has lingered for so long is potentially because its medical and slang use overlapped for a greater period of time, where the word was used in both technical and jargon forms simultaneously causing ambiguity, confusion, and offense to many.

I’ve personally heard of educated people such as doctors, specialists and mentors use similar terms as a slur. I had a Speech pathologist as my Clinical Educator, who ironically, did not pass me in my placement due to ‘not achieving a high enough grade in a particular professional competency’, yet this woman frequently used the words ‘retarded’ and ‘gay’, and mocked the lower-income clientele in casual conversation at her desk. This woman was meant to influence, teach, demonstrate and inspire her students. She should be someone to look up to and learn from. But how could she inspire me when her morals and demeanor were something I found offensive. If a local medical specialist telling my parents about his difficult day having to wait in the disabled area “with all the Nuff Nuffs” isn’t enough to make you think about this as a serious social issue, I don’t know what is! It is clearly not simply education, but a lack of social awareness that can be the problem.

Over the last four years, I completed a course which partly specializes in tending and assisting people with disabilities, yet on numerous occasions I was surprised and disappointed to find various students using the R-word, both in context of a speech pathology scenario, and out of context when talking about things that they disagreed with, such as “our timetable is retarded” or “it’s retarded they have put our lecture on that day”. I often wonder what they think or feel when they hear or say the R-word. Nothing? I hope at some stage after some ‘enlightenment’, that there would be some thought given to the fact that this word will offend many people they work with throughout their career, unless that compassion simply is not there?

The R-word subject was further topical recently, following the outrage caused by famous comedian Tom Segura. He suggested the word ‘retard’ be replaced with ‘21st chromosome’, directly mocking individuals with Down Syndrome and relating them to the analogy of things that are senseless and stupid. In response to his comments, one particular woman stated, “Its one thing to defend the use of the word ‘retarded’ by saying you’re not referring to the most marginalized segment of our population, those with Down Syndrome. It is quite another to encourage people to actually start using ‘Down Syndrome’ itself, as a slur.” Others are supportive of Segura’s remarks, telling people if they don’t like it to turn it off, and that everyone has freedom of speech. While free speech is an undeniable right, and Segura is entitled to use the R-word if he pleases — the fact Segura made a specific reference to the Down Syndrome population as a slur, is simply a cheap shot at people who cannot defend themselves. I suppose it then raises the question, “Is no subject taboo in comedy?” Perhaps some should be. I know ‘retard’ or ‘cancer’ jokes will not be at the peak of a comedian’s trajectory, and they will certainly never reach the ‘highlights’ reel. Furthermore, this man is a public figure who influences many others, but he abuses this position and presents this type of behavior as acceptable. In response to this, Global Down Syndrome Foundation president and CEO, Michelle Sie Witten concludes “There are words that we are free to use, but as a society choose not to use because they are so directly tied to violence against a vulnerable population.” Perhaps Segura’s behaviour should no longer be acceptable, and ‘knowing your audience’ just doesn’t suffice.

I’ve always assumed it was common knowledge not to use the R-word in public, and especially not in front of someone who would potentially take offence. Quite often, the response of those using the word, when confronted, is that they don’t mean it in a ‘disabled way’ — they mean it in a “messed up” “stupid” “dumb” or “not working” way. Does this not blatantly confirm the destructive evolution of this word? How can people still not see its potential to cause pain? I think, regardless of which context the word is used in; its underlying meaning remains the same. It encourages the notion that cognitively impaired people are stupid or unwanted. I think I can confidently speak for all affected by this word, when I say that it hurts.

This is a difficult topic to address simply because it is so frequently brushed aside. I think the people who will resonate most with me, are those who have a disability themselves or have a family member or close friend with a disability. There are also seemingly few people who feel empathy about this topic for compassionate reasons or through lived experiences similar to mine. Perhaps I will be lucky enough to open up other’s perspectives on this topic. If it concerned someone’s child, their sibling or even themselves, would they change? Maybe this topic isn’t ‘on trend’, but it is in fact ‘current’. A lot of people cannot relate as closely to this topic as they can with others, such as abuse or gender inequality and I think that’s where the root of the problem lies. People generally aren’t offended by this word unless it affects them personally. Consequently, they are unlikely to change their ways. The great thing about this problem is that its resolution is so simple. Huge funds aren’t required for this to be a success, and no-one needs to go out of their way to get on board. Stopping use of a word is all that’s required.

I am very fortunate to have grown up in a family who welcomes diversity with open arms; from my adopted Uncle who is Aboriginal, to my Auntie who has Multiple Sclerosis. My father grew up with his late brother who also had a disability and upon reading my article he couldn’t agree more with my thoughts and feelings on the R-word. He found himself unable to physically say the word, as he’d suppressed it for so long. You can imagine how difficult it was proofreading this article aloud, together. Diversity is all around us — more than we all realize. There was no question about our use of the R-word in our household.

Coping with death is not easy in any respect. It’s no competition. All deaths are difficult in their own way. I struggle at the thought of spending our birthdays without our third. I struggle at the thought that my constant crying and state of grief is not justified, or that people think it’s “easier” because Pierce does not fully understand what is happening to him. Or even the fact that to some, he still might be considered ‘less of a person’. In addition to fighting for his own life, Pierce, among many, is fighting for respect in everyday life outside of cancer. There are countless ways to describe Pierce and the life we have shared with him. Inspirational, unique, positive, challenging, persistent… What Pierce has shared with us is anything but “retarded”.

I only see good purpose in increasing people’s knowledge and awareness about the pain some words can cause. This may continue to mean little to some people. Perhaps just being aware if you use the R-word in your everyday vocabulary might help. It may mean nothing to you as you might not be affected by it, but others could be, and probably are, even though they might not speak up. There is great value in being aware of whom you are speaking to, but there is much greater value in understanding and believing why you choose not to use this word among others. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, or how you express yourself. You just may offend no-one.

To have rights isn’t necessarily just the ability to be able to do something, but to do it with confidence, knowing you are supported. I have chosen to speak up for those I care about, my fellow R-word battlers who have put up with this for far too long, and those who might struggle to communicate for various reasons. I feel my duty as a Speech Pathologist entering the workforce, where I will be fortunate enough to meet many wonderful individuals who need my help and deserve to be treated like anyone else. People of all various abilities deserve to feel confident, comfortable and trusting in their environment. As a sister, I am constantly reminded to contribute and give back in any positive way you can, and Pierce has taught me and helped me to develop more personal, lifelong skills than any teacher ever could. I feel responsibility as a passionate person, with the profound concept that we as humans — inherently good people — can always do better. I know I will.

This social issue has been swept aside for far too long. Let’s pick up those tiny little dust piles that we all know create a greater mess if they’re left for too long, and chuck them in the tip once and for all. There is an online campaign called “Spread the Word to End the Word”. This acts to raise awareness and understanding of the impact this word has on people with disabilities and their loved ones. Jump on board and sign the petition if you agree, or if you’re not into publically declaring, do it personally, for yourself, your loved ones, strangers, or even for me. If you already choose not to use this word, that is fantastic.

Upon refreshing my internet browser in the hope of finding more recent local action had taken place, I was delighted to find, not long ago, a small ‘not-for-profit’ organization in Western Australia called Avivo, who spoke out about the R-word and it’s popular use on social media — where it is reportedly dropped once every 5 seconds on average. Avivo created a website in conjunction with like-minded individuals to give people the opportunity to learn about their personal experiences with the R-word. They have also intelligently integrated a system on Twitter that kindly sends people who use this word on this platform a link to watch their R-word support video. This provides insight and an opportunity to learn more about the word. Alongside this wonderful effort, let’s address this issue in schools, on the streets, within families, lecturers or tutors in universities, and throughout the community. It might be the most important thing a community, or an individual learns.

Replacing a word is even simpler than replacing a used toilet roll, but even this can be difficult for some. Many people are irretrievably stuck in their ways. I have shown just how easy it is to write a 4000-word article, free from plagiarism, as a result of quick access to an ample supply of synonyms with the click of a button or flick of a page. Sometimes, there’s an even better replacement for words we use all the time. See how creative you can be. Be inspired by late lexicographer Laurence Urdang who used the phrase “microcephalic, nanocerebral ninnyhammer.” Surely we can think up something a little more inspiring with luscious linguistics like this at the ready. Perhaps even just describing something, or someone, as ‘different’ may suffice?

It means much more than simply the removal of a word. It’s about a revolution of our perspectives and attitudes toward fellow human beings who have been stigmatized unnecessarily for as long as we all know. The world can be a happier, kinder, uncomplicated place.

If you’re with me on this, let’s make the ‘R-word’ unheard.

Sincerely,

Polly Hammerton.

#rolltherwordoffyourtongue

#wecandobetter

#rwordmovement

#rwordunheard

#GivetheR-Wordthebird

#saysomething

#wearenotapunchline

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