3 Aspects of Self-Control You Need as an Effective Leader
By: La Dolce Vita Diary
Tags: Self, Personal Development, Success, Habits, Leadership

These ways can help you change your habits quicker and more effectively

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Especially with new society rules, we are learning, changing, and practicing self-control habits.

One way I’ve had to exercise self-control is experiencing an unpleasant and severe summer prickly heat rash that gave me such a deep torso itch, keeping me up at night, feeling like fiery ants crawling up my skin that’s about ten times worse than your worst sunburn.

Unlike a skin burn that usually wears off in days, my suffering lasted longer. In my case, I realized that when I scratched, the rash became more inflamed. It took me a few days to catch on, but then I decided to practice willpower and not scratch when the itch started (with steroid and calamine lotion that helped a little).

The only way I could get rid of the rash altogether was to let the body cool and stop spreading the rash by my scratching. From that situation, I received a breakthrough about self-control.

That, staying productive, distracting myself and staying focused on the momentary activity let me forget about my issue for minutes at a time.

This discovery or mind trick works well for other areas of your life, such as forgetting a difficult setback you may have in your life. It’s a healthy way to move on when there’s not much else you can do.

Similarly, if you have a more pressing issue, you’d forget about your ongoing itch or life irritation, and handle the most urgent situation at hand.

But, you’d first get yourself under control. Because if you let a situation spin out of control, the situation can control you.

There are basically 3 levels of self-control:

Willpower — control exerted to do something or restrain impulses, such as breaking a habit or stop scratching an insect bite.

Self-discipline — the ability to control your feelings and overcome weaknesses. Having the ability to pursue what you think is right despite other desires or the desire to abandon, such as working hard on completing a project or sticking to a fitness schedule.

Self-control — the ability to control yourself, especially thoughts, emotions, desires or behaviors, especially in difficult situations, such as not disobeying quarantine orders or refraining from getting angry.

Willpower can be the most difficult of the three to self-control. Our flesh is weak. One of the tempted 5 senses is usually the culprit for our giving in.

It’s harder to say no to a piece of chocolate cake placed in front of us. But if we have to go out to a restaurant to enjoy, then we create a barrier than can shift our desires. We can have a piece of fruit that may not be as appealing, but calms our sweet tooth.

There are many personal reasons why someone won’t exert willpower to easily quit an activity or bad habit they no longer want to do.

Changing the bad habit or behavior usually requires being self-aware of the triggers, and then replacing with a better habit. That requires self-discipline.

Self-discipline and self-control are more cerebral exercises that can be improved through carefully thinking through or situationally practicing.

Both these exhibited traits can earn respect for leaders, such as being self-disciplined to work harder than followers and set examples in their domain.

Effective leaders want to execute self-control, be humble, and have empathy. They don’t need to flash their titles as their power is demonstrated in the way they lead others.

If they’re not in control over actions they want to take, their followers can see their weaknesses or lose respect.

Effective leaders don’t usually speak without a self-controlled brain in effect. Imagine a child that blurts out what they’re thinking. That would be a liability for an Executive if they let their ego get in the way.

Many higher up roles have the mindset to always be recruiting when they go about their day in the world. On that mission, you can’t attract and retain good talent if you regularly act with no self-control: fear, unkindness, or have a bullying reputation.

A double mind shows up in other character flaws that don’t make a good leader.

Whether you’re a leader or just wanting to learn better self-control, if you catch yourself each time you behave in the way you want to change, then you have a chance to do better the next time.

If you have a sincere desire to change, eventually you will form a habit of what to do (and what not to do).

How To More Easily Form A Habit

Habit forming endeavors can take several attempts and failures. If you had a traumatic experience from your bad behavior, you could learn faster, as you never forget that experience. On the forefront of your mind, you intentionally step away from that undesired behavior.

Change starts in your mind. You can help yourself.

Set reminders when you can.

If you set reminders that can help greatly. If you knew a certain time you needed to do something, you’d set your alarm. If you wanted to attend a certain event, you could set a reminder or alert to not forget.

But what if you want to change a behavior with no specific dates/times that you know of, in advance. You can still write yourself daily reminder notes but they could get lost or not get in your radar when you need.

Suppose you want to start using your reusable grocery bag, replacing the store plastic bags. You would want to have your bag handy by the door or in your vehicle going to the store. Even then, you could miss bringing the bag and have to turn around.

You could then lean on another habit.

Combine with a habit you already have.

You could put your money and grocery card in the grocery bag, then you’ve added memory joggers. All your life you knew you needed money to pay for groceries. You would make sure that you had money before you went to the store. Or your keys.

It’s not difficult to create a desired result if you creatively and purposefully figure out a way that works for you.

You then keep repeating the desired action, until the habit is on auto-pilot. Most everybody knows that.

Then you can stop putting your money or keys in the bag. Bringing the bag to the store will be as automatic as putting on shoes before leaving the house.

You could reward yourself when you’ve successfully completed the desired behavior, but that would be more for instant gratification. If you instead, in the moment, internally reprimand yourself (in a kind way) when you didn’t do the right behavior, then you can better remember next time.

You raise your bar to excellence in your mind. The reprimand is stored in memory as a reminder.

If in another scenario, a third party made it easier for you to perform the desired action and habit, that adds deepens reminders. Such as, if the grocery store charged you for bags as they do in some countries and states, then you’re more likely to remember your own bag.

It’s no guarantee unless the cost you perceived is greater than your going back for your bag. If the store charged 10 cents per bag you may pay, but $100 you would not.

An even more effective way for helping you change your habit, is compliance.

Self-impose change with no-choice decisions.

If the store didn’t carry or provide any plastic or paper bags for consumers, or grocery carts you could remove past the store door (with floor magnets which they do), then you’d most likely remember your bag best (the first time).

You’d learn the habit the fastest because you’d experience the most pain of shopping for your goods. Part way through your shopping journey, you’d have to turn around. You’d have no choice.

When you have no choices, your behavior changes fastest and drastically all of a sudden.

If you create believed or imaginary no-choice scenarios, such as self-imposed rules that you have to perform, this would require self-discipline. Then you can change your habit and self-control through compliance.