The Bearers of Bad News
By: All About Good Stuff
Tags: Messaging, Affirmations, Influencers, Depression, Negative Selftalk

I’m not your parent, but what would it sound like if I were to talk to you in a parental voice? What would you expect to hear? Using a parental voice with you, perhaps I would sound more authoritarian in choice of tone and words. I might give you permission to do some things and prohibit you from doing others. I might say things like “you ought” and “you should.”

There was a parental voice in my ear for the majority of my youth and young adult life. It was somewhat reflective of my real parents’ voices, but not entirely. There was a message continually coming at me saying, “You should be…, why aren’t you more like…, I’m disappointed in you.” I’m not talking about literally hearing voices, I’m just saying that message was usually running through my mind, and the bigger problem was I was listening and believing. It left me with the lingering sense that there was someone I very much wanted to please who was actually displeased with me. Someone I wanted to be proud of me was sadly disappointed.

As you can imagine, with my genetic predisposition toward depression, that message didn’t help! When other voices or messages could manage to get my attention or talk louder I did better, but most of the time it was just me soaking up (or drowning in) that parental voice, and it fed my low estimation of self, of the day, of the future. Understandably I was unmotivated.

Once I figured out what was going on I could begin to size up the situation and contemplate how to address it. One thing those contemplations revealed was the importance of listening, and what we listen to. It’s very important for everyone, but especially for those of us who deal with depression. You may also have a parental voice coming at you on a frequent basis, and you no doubt have other messages from other sources coming your way with regularity too. So it’s important you also size up your situation and consider the harmful or helpful effects of what you’re listening to.

Start by listening to what you’re saying to yourself and consider the validity of your statements as objectively as possible. Are you like me? Have you internalized some very negative talk? Do you say things to yourself like, “I’m not as attractive as I once was, I’m clumsy, I’m a disappointment to my parents, I should do more, I should be more, I should have accomplished more.” There are a lot of parental “shoulds” in statements like those! Listen to yourself. There are internal messages you’re listening to, and if one or more of them is negative you need to address that. Ask, “Where is that coming from, why is it so strong, and why do I keep listening (and believing)?” Bring those messages out into the light of day and expose any lies you keep telling yourself. They’re not helping!

What other messages are you listening to? There are other, external voices coming your way as well, whether subtle or screaming, and the primary point is to say you’re the gatekeeper. In that important role you get to decide, at least to some extent, what you’ll allow in and what you’ll turn away. Be picky! Test each source to determine its probable effect on you. By its nature is it uplifting and liberating, or downcast and repressive?

Some examples of those other messages and other sources include:

Music — what’s the message and tone of the music, the lyrics you usually listen to?

News — where do you get your news? Depending on the source you choose you can pick up a very hostile, callous view of humans, of life itself, based on the sensational, the shocking, playing on our fears in order to get us to click. So be careful! Be choosy.

Friends, family, co-workers — sorry to say, but many of us have people in our circle that tend to be negative, bringing bad news and views most of the time. It might be hard to do, but you sometimes just might need to say, “I don’t want to hear it.” You can explain why.

Social media — who do you follow? What are they talking about? What are they promoting and advocating? Is it positive and helpful or is it feeding a cynical view of the possibilities in you and in this world we share? If not helpful, then why continue? Has it simply become habit?

A popular word these days is “influencers” and the truth is that all those sources listed above are influencers. All of those sources are exerting an influence on you and they’re doing so with your permission. Don’t give that permission easily. Make conscious decisions about the nature and tone of what you’re going to let in. You have choice regarding the voices you listen to, so be good to yourself, take care of yourself, do yourself a favor and exercise that freedom!

Rather than the negative and harmful, you can choose to listen to the helpful voices that are available in ample supply. Some examples of such positive sources would include:

Affirmations — there are a multitude of videos available that will affirm everything in you that is beautiful, healthy, and good.

Social media — lots of sites, blogs, podcasts are supportive, affirming, and encouraging.

Music, news, family and friends — yes, all of those categories mentioned in the potentially negative bullet points also have potentially helpful variations too. Maybe nothing can be more affirming than beautiful music or loving friends and family.

The point is: choose to listen to whatever is optimistic, encouraging, positive, pointing to beauty, affirming, and wholesome. Pause and consider that last word, “wholesome.” There’s a word! Focus on that word. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s a worthy endeavor to continually be fed by whatever will help us be whole? Connecting back to the previous article in this series and the question it raised, “Do you want to be well?” we can add, “Do you want to be whole?” Let those voices that contribute to health and wholeness be louder, more frequent than the others and see if they contribute to a better view of self and world you inhabit, by your choice.

This series is brought to you by All About Good Stuff. Our blog sites are just part of what we do, but all that we do is truly about good stuff. That’s all we do and there’s much more to come. We really are all about good stuff, by choice, and what we’re saying is you can be too.

We’re not saying it’s always easy. Some days making good choices, making any choices, is more difficult than usual. For one reason or another, some days go better than others, and in the next article we’re going to address how we might strike a balance in this uneven thing we deal with each day.