What should we watch: 83–91
By: J Hillyer
Tags: Movies To Watch, Masculinity, Film Reviews, Movies, Family

(See “What should we watch? Join our family for movie night” (https://medium.com/@4hillyers/what-should-we-watch-1a0bb60ebf4e) for an introduction to this project)

What should we watch?

83) Jurassic Park (Sam Neill)

84) Jurassic World (BD Wong)

85) Guardians of the Galaxy (Chris Pratt)

86) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (Dave Bautista)

87) Star Trek (Zoe Saldana)

88) Star Trek Into Darkness (Chris Pine)

89) I, Robot (Bruce Greenwood)

90) Serendipity (Bridget Moynahan)

91) My Big Fat Greek Wedding (John Corbett)

In one of these movies, the main character is called a jackass by his best friend. In another, a supporter of the hero defends him as not “100% dick”. Let’s see what we can learn about masculinity:

S&R

The Jurassic Park series and the Jurassic World reboots are all awesome (well, not Jurassic Park III), but we only watched the first one in each series. Scientists figure out a way to clone dinosaur DNA using mosquitoes that have been preserved in amber. In Jurassic World, they learn how to enhance those clones to make even scarier dinosaurs. Jeff Goldblum tries to warn them that “nature finds a way”, but no one listens because a dinosaur park is worth big bucks. ***Spoiler alert***… neither series ends well- lots of people get eaten and the implication is that the dinosaurs escape their isolated island at the end. I remember going to the theater with my mom and brother to see the original. We went out to eat afterwards and the bathroom door at the restaurant squealed just like a dinosaur and I was terrified. I am usually anti reboots, but I do love Chris Pratt’s character, using scientifically accurate classical conditioning to train the raptors. Hubby fell asleep the first time he saw it (the science was too boring for him), but now he thinks it still holds up, which is amazing because most CGI from the 90s looks terrible now. Son says he likes the idea of dinosaurs coming back (apparently, he learned nothing from the films) and, now that he has learned about DNA, he likes it even more. Daughter says it is freaky to watch people get eaten, watch dinosaurs get eaten, and, most of all, to watch that poisonous one corner that guy. The poisonous one is freaky (especially on the ride at Universal).

Guardians of the Galaxy is one of our favorite movies to watch as a family. Daughter agrees, but says she likes anything with Chris Pratt. I am almost never a fan of superhero movies, but every time I watch it, I am surprised by how much I like it. Peter Quill (aka Star Lord) was abducted from Earth by aliens after his mother died. Through various schemes and deals, he gangs up with Gamora (bionically engineered alien), Rocket (genetically and bionically engineered raccoon), Groot (humanoid tree), and Drax (some kind of alien, but really just a huge dude) to save the galaxy. They do it again in the second one. It is actually funny, not just superhero funny (Drax’s deadpan literalism is my favorite), the plot makes sense, the girls are badasses and dressed relatively modestly, and the music is bar none. Hubby thinks the soundtrack is the best part (“it introduced a new generation to 60s and 70s music!”). Son says that the first is “a million times better than the second, but tell them they should watch both.”

I am sure I will upset someone with the next sentence. Star Trek is fine, just barely memorable. Truly I do not remember either plot, but it doesn’t matter. Some battles and stuff happen in space. Spock is emotionless and Kirk is a hothead. Aliens, spaceships, etc etc. Neither hubby nor I have ever been “trekkies,” and Benedict Cumberbatch is the only reason we watched the second. Daughter says the second one was confusing with the time traveling and son was just happy we watched these and not the old ones.

I, Robot is one of hubby’s favorites- says he likes the idea of robots needing connection with each other. Will Smith is a cop in the future (2035, which is unrealistic because there is no way we are getting there in 15 years). He was rescued from a car accident by a robot (and now has a bionic arm), but he is mad about it and thinks that robots are unable to make the right choices. The robot inventor ends up dead and the only suspect is his newest model of robot, but everyone thinks this is impossible because robot logic, and therefore behavior, is infallible. Will figures it out, no worries. I am totally with Will insofar as not trusting robots, and will watch any movie he makes, but this is not my fave. The movie is growing on son because he realized it is not as scary as he first thought it was. Daughter likes that the robot is a foe, then a friend, then a foe, then a friend. It is good she likes that, because she will need to in order to survive mean girls in middle school.

Serendipity is a romantic comedy where the couple relies on fate to bring them together. This irritates daughter. She says, “there is like a 1/15 billion chance that you would find that dollar bill 10 years later!” Her lack of dreamy romanticism will also help her survive middle school. Hubby, however, is a dreamy romantic, saying this movie reminds him of us (this was one of the first movies we saw together in the theater) because, “ we, too, were meant to be together.” Son likes John Cusack, but I think the best part of the movie is John Corbett’s character- truly phenomenal dancing during his concert. Son also says this movie reminds him of an episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel play phone tag, but I have no idea what he is talking about.

If you don’t know the story behind My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you should look it up. In the movie, Nia Vardalos is “so old” and is running out of time to marry a Greek and make Greek babies. She does finally find a man, but he is “Xeno” and not immediately accepted by her family. ***Spoiler alert*** they work it out and end up getting married. When hubby and I saw this one, the theater was full of Greek people who laughed at all the jokes before they were translated, so that was fun. Love, love, love this movie- love taking down traditional patriarchy, love a makeover, love that someone has a bigger and weirder family than mine. Daughter likes the bundt cake scene (probably because she had heard me say “it’s a cake” a million times before seeing it and son says he likes it too. When I pressed him for more, he said, “I don’t watch movies to find a theme, I just watch them to enjoy them.” Fine.

In the past few weeks, the U.S. has seen a surge in the number of Covid infections (presumably driven by large gatherings of the unmasked), heard stories of election officials being harassed by armed mobs, and were drenched in the outrage of conservatives who saw Harry Styles wearing a dress on the cover of Vogue. I can’t really blame all the bad stuff in the world on masculinity run amok, but I can try. Relating masculinity to the armed mob stuff is obvious, and obviously terrifying. A man with a big gun is trying to make up for something, amiright? The mask situation is harder, but there have been lots of surveys showing that men are more likely to go maskless and more likely to make that choice because of “bodily autonomy”. It really is audacious the way their views on bodily autonomy shift when it is their bodies that will be burdened in order to reduce risk for others. Finally, Harry Styles in a dress, though directly placed into competition with masculinity by certain conservatives, makes the least sense- rock stars have always played by different rules and no one, not even the hoards of adoring fans, look to Harry Styles as a symbol of manhood. Psych 101 graduates might argue that men who are uncomfortable with their own identities lash out when others challenge the status quo. But, in this case, much of the lashing came from women, many of whom were the loudest defenders of so-called manly heroes, such as Brett Kavanaugh and Trump himself.

Many aspects of the culture are shifting and the concept of masculinity, or, more specifically, gender role expectations for men, is shifting faster than most. For instance, between 1990 and 2010, the number of stay-at-home dads doubled, with most of that growth happening after 2005. Son was born in 2005 and while hubby and I have both had full time jobs (sometimes at the same time, but mostly one-at-a-time), hubby has been the full-time caretaker for a majority of that time. When son started kindergarten, hubby was the only dad on the playground after school. He used to joke that the women would talk to him like he had won second place in the Special Olympics- “Wow! You are doing so great with your kid!” “Your wife is so lucky” Yadda, yadda. Now there are more dads around, but there are new horizons to challenge.

For instance, son just made his first high school sports team. Things are truly better than they were 20 years ago, and undeniably better than 50 years ago, but he still feels pressured to present a certain image. He has worn glasses since he started school. Never once has he been called four eyes or been made fun of for his glasses, but it is still a fight every time he heads out to soccer practice to get him to wear his sports goggles. It’s almost as if he thinks he will be seen as a less competent player with them on. Then there are the days when they play shirts and skins. Trust that he has nothing to be embarrassed about (and we are a very body positive, trying to be body neutral, family), but he gets anxious because he doesn’t have muscle definition like some of the others.

I am female by genetics and woman by identity, so I have no idea what masculinity feels like or is supposed to. From a lifetime of observation, I gather it has something to do with confidence. Trump and Kavanaugh can be viewed as masculine without being physically (or emotionally/ mentally) strong because they project utmost confidence. From our movies, Chris Pratt and the Australian gamekeeper are both classically masculine- buff, know how to use a gun, the alphas of their groups. Chris Pratt is also classically masculine in Guardians, but this time it is more about sexual prowess and recklessness (both also products of confidence). Same goes for Chris Pine in Star Trek. Will Smith is our last classic male in I,Robot, giving us muscles, emotional unavailability, and mansplaining. Neither hubby nor son has these qualities, although hubby says he tried for like 6 months in his early twenties to pose as a player (footage not found). Still, I think they are both great examples of what is possible for masculinity as it evolves.

As I have written before, hubby has never been smooth, but he has always been loyal- much harder and much more valuable. Son has a hard time sticking up for himself, which has caused problems on and off the field. But, it would be very hard for me to imagine him as an aggressor/ bully because he has empathy for others, which I would take any day. Both of them struggle to trust their instincts and often ask for help. Like for most humans, taking responsibility for wrongdoing is difficult, but when shown the impact of their behavior, both are willing to apologize and strive to right that wrong. Loyalty, empathy, interdependence, and humility could be (should be?) “classically male.” Jeremy Piven’s character in Serendipity is a great example. He is super loyal to his best friend- going on a decade-long wild goose chase for something that he will not benefit from personally. He does this because he is empathetic to his friend’s belief in fated love. Writing obituaries for a living is also tellingly empathetic. He is not afraid to ask for help from his assistant at the Times or from everyone they come across on their quest. Finally, he humbly returns to his wife, asking forgiveness for some transgression with no desire for reciprocal groveling. He freely telegraphs his love for his wife and friend, he is competent at his job, he is passionate about his talents, and he is still the life of the party. The best man.

Still, we have to recognize that these qualities are nearly the opposite of the classic masculinity that humans have expected since we first walked upright. How could we ever turn this ship? Let’s start with the ladies who display (fake?) outrage over changing norms. I think that their upset is rooted in two issues. First, some women benefit from the patriarchy. They, like cave women of yore, earn protection and material gain when their partner is king of the hill. These women are afraid that they will not have access to as much power in the new world, where each human will have to rely on his or her own strength and skills. The second issue is that they are jealous- not only that Harry Styles has access to couture and they don’t, but also that as men expand the realm of acceptable “masculine” behaviors, the realm of behaviors automatically relegated to women shrinks (in their view). This is why gender roles have to evolve together. Men may take over Vogue, but we could take over Sports Illustrated (and not only in order to show off a bikini bod).

But, men have to be willing to, maybe even be excited to, change. The dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a model here. At first, he insists that his word is law. He rejects intimacy and even ignores explicit calls for attention (like when his son wants to share his artwork). He is supremely confident that the way he lived his life is the one and only way to live successfully. “Give me a word, any word, and I will show you that the root of that word is Greek,” is quintessential mansplaining. Slowly throughout the film, he is shown other ways of being (or sometimes his head is “turned by the neck” that is his wife) and by the end, he is showing loyalty (to his culture and family), empathy (to the xenos who are joining their family), interdependence (by realizing that he really just wants to keep his family together), and humility (by accepting his daughter’s choices). I am sure that the next day, he moved on to harassing his son to get married and make Greek babies, but for one glorious night, he showed us that growth is possible. That is worth praising- Opa!