Men Settle Where They Find Peace. Not Beauty
By: Wisdom Matey Tetteh
Tags: Marriage Counselling, Relationships Love Dating, Relationship Advice, Marriage, Love

Copyright (2021) Portraits and Milestones

Following the covid-19 pandemic, I got infected and was put under a 14-day mandatory quarantine at a company–sponsored isolation center. I spent my days with a coworker who has also contracted the virus. We were discharged to go home after 14 days and several tests.

I could sense the anticipation and excitement when I broke the good news to my family. My girlfriend then (now wife) was equally excited to have me by her side once again.

My colleague, on the other, received the news with mixed feelings. He was not particularly excited about going home except to meet his four-year-old child of whom he spoke of passionately during our conversations.

He was tempted to opt for the choice of expending additional days at the facility to going home to his family. Why? Because he could not come to terms with the reality of going back home to meet a troublesome wife.

We spent a lot of time talking about life, relationships, and work during our days at the isolation facility. We connected on many levels and spoke passionately about a variety of topics. Relationships and marriage were prominent among them.

He shared his marriage experience with me in order to ask my counsel and also to serve as a guide when I’m about to marry. Scenes from our discussions lingered in my mind long after we had finished them. His experience wasn’t a pleasant one.

I began to analyze my relationship to identify similar patterns that can land me on the same path if ignored. I don’t want to be married yet unsettled.

Why he married her

As a committed Christian, he was looking for a like-minded lady to compliment him. Her commitment to church activities and her understanding of God’s word was what attracted him.

Additionally, she was a gainfully employed teacher. He has therefore found someone to share the financial responsibility of managing a home with.

She was also in her early 30’s but still a virgin. He thus assumed that she must be a disciplined, well-mannered woman and ascribed many positive attributes to her.

They resolved to avoid sex before marriage. To this end, they never had private and emotional moments together aside from the routine phone calls, sporadic encounters at the office, and regular meetings at the church. All he thought she learned about the woman was built on perception.

He agreed that they didn’t date long enough for him to get to know other aspects of her personality. He had no idea he was in for the shock of his life. The reality dawned on him when they finally settled together for the first time and her character began to manifest.

He initially found his way around her and put up with her abysmal attitude, but after three years, he has given up on the relationship. He admitted that he is tempted to reconnect with old lovers and hang out with friends just to pass the time.

Source of trouble

Bad interpersonal relationship and foul language

His wife seems to have issues with every supervisor and her coworker. Her bad attitude is carried over into her home. He acknowledged that his wife verbally abuses him during disagreements and is susceptible to using demeaning and offensive language on him and the housekeeper. She makes no apologies for her use of foul words.

Making excuses for everything

She is most often blaming someone for her inability to get things done. She is always creating the impression that the man is not helpful at home. She keeps playing the blame-shifting game.

She is not teachable

She seems to have no room for learning and improvement. She is right and everyone else is wrong.

Constant criticism

His wife is cynical of almost anything he does and does not appear to value the assistance she receives. In order to seem good in front of everyone, she goes around peddling falsehood about him to several common friends and family members.

Often comparing their relationship with that of their neighbors

His wife is dissatisfied with their current situation. Though financially supportive, she is often commenting on what her neighbours have and are doing. This puts an unfair amount of pressure on him.

Unnecessary argument

Often what starts to be productive conversations ends up being heated arguments for no reason. She always adds some form of drama to everything which eventually drains up his interest in engaging in conversations.

Boring sex life

She seems to show no interest in having sex except when she feels for it. His request for sex seemed to be a bother to the woman hence he stopped trying. He is now looking forward to hooking up a girlfriend to satisfy his sexual desire.

Pondering over his sentiments, I began to understand why some men prefer to stay outside and hang out with friends after work knowing well what awaits them at home.

Why peace of mind is necessary for relationships

Peace of mind is a great way to reduce the stresses of day-to-day life and can help you to become a calmer, more relaxed person overall. This can lead to a happier existence.

In a chaotic and demanding world, the last thing a man would wish for after a stressful workday is a nagging and unappreciative wife. They wish to rest in a reassuring arm that inspires them to achieve bigger things for their family — not another demanding boss driving them mad.

Throughout history, man has always gravitated towards peace knowing the cost of war. Tribes have migrated miles just to settle in a peaceful location where they can enjoy tranquility.

The peace in any relationship has a direct effect on the happiness in the relationship. Any marriage where there’s peace the marriage will experience happiness whilst any marriage with less peace will experience less happiness.

Peace in marriage comes as a result of what you do or say to your partner in the marriage. It will not come because you are Christians and have the Holy Spirit in you. It will come because you apply God’s principles in choosing the right partner and living out those principles in marriage.

It is imperative to spend some time at the dating stage to look into your potential spouse’s attitude and character before you finally say yes. Any red flag should not be ignored since it will bite you in the long run. Social status, religious devotion, financial status alone is not enough grounds to make this life-changing decision.