5 Ways to Give Back & Be a Better Human
By: Gwenna Laithland
Tags: Psychology, Giving, Life Lessons, Humanity, Self

“There’s no unselfish good deed.” — Joey Tribiani, Friends

One of my favorite episodes of Friends, The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS, the central theme revolves around the idea that no good deed is selfless. You want to feel good, so you do something beautiful for someone else. The pursuit of those warm fuzzies makes even the grandest gesture at least partly selfish.

In the episode Phoebe goes so far in her pursuit of finding a selfless good deed, she lets a bee sting her. That way the bee can look tough in front of his bee friends. Of course, Joey tells Phoebe the bee likely died after stinging her, unraveling the whole idea.

Sitcom antics aside, the philosophical root remains. Is there such a thing as a selfless good deed? More accurately, can human beings act genuinely altruistic?

Science says no.

But that’s okay.

In an examination of the concept of altruism in nature, Bernd Heinrich, professor emeritus at The University of Vermont, observed ravens eating a dead moose. Rather than hoard and defend the carrion, the birds were calling out to others, attracting attention and more birds to the dinner table. In most of nature, this is the antithesis of evolutionary biology. Animals (and Joey) don’t typically share food, except in pack formations or with their young.

So, why the sudden surge in bird altruism? There was a fringe benefit. The birds were likely juveniles who had discovered the carcass within another’s territory. The birds were not sharing for the sake of sharing, they were defending what little they could scavenge before a more mature bird arrived to protect his food source. By calling in reinforcements, the sheer numbers would likely ensure each individual got at least a little before the fight broke out. It was the bird version of warm fuzzies — more food.

Even in a survival setting, altruism typically has an ulterior motive. Most people have one as well, whether they realize it or not.

According to a study at Duke University, we give our resources, time and skill in part for the warm fuzzies. We also give in exchange for the social currency. We believe other people would do a nice thing and we crave the social acceptance of doing the same — even if we know our donation will not be seen by someone else.

But does that mean we are only good for credit? Dacher Keltner, director of the Berkeley Social Interaction Lab and Greater Good Science Center, argued that even Charles Darwin, the father of biological evolution, believed that our kindness and need to give was so deeply embedded as to be instinctual. It’s not just a cultural concept. Humans need to be kind.

According to Keltner, we have a physiological response to both showing and receiving kindness.

“The vagus nerve is thought to stimulate certain muscles in the vocal chamber, enabling communication. It reduces heart rate. Very new science suggests that it may be closely connected to oxytocin receptor networks… Our research and that of other scientists suggests that the vagus nerve may be a physiological system that supports caretaking and altruism. We have found that activation of the vagus nerve is associated with feelings of compassion and the ethical intuition that humans from different social groups (even adversarial ones) share a common humanity.”

We are hardwired to give, to act altruistically. Our body rewards us when we do this. We literally feel good.

Ultimately we loop back around here.

Joey Tribiani was right.

There’s (probably) no such thing as an unselfish good deed. We get a payout for kindness from our own body, not to mention the social credit.

That’s still okay. Since we know that we are going to get some sort of emotional kickback or social credit for giving back we might as well capitalize on it. Understanding the various ways to give can absolutely revolutionize our attitude. We can also use these as ways to provide ourselves with a little boost in confidence (and, you know, oxytocin.)