Lets Talk About Consent
By: Baher Hussein
Tags: Sex, Metoo, Gender, Consent, Sexuality

Rape apologists all around the world use the same viscous tactics. They blame women for getting raped instead of the men who raped them — since the women was “asking for it” by acting or dressing in a way that was sexually provocative. Here, I argue that it is the women’s right to tease, arouse and provoke a man sexually, then deny his advances whenever she desires. Though this may be frustrating to men, it keeps the game of seduction exciting.

Indeed, there should be teasing and seduction before sex to make it exciting. Just having sex right away when meeting someone will easily ruin the psychological and physical tension that builds up and makes the game of seduction so exciting. Without these psychological and physical tensions, the eventual orgasm will not be as exciting as previously desired.

With the rise of the Me Too movement, we must dissect what specific factors have led to this moral panic. Is our society itself a rape culture? This is not entirely evident — as western societies punish rapists in most cases. Also, western societies do not by any stretch of the imagination promote rape. On the other hand, I would categorize Iran and Saudi Arabia as rape cultures — since women do not report rapes due to social stigmas — and even if they did, the men would most likely not face any repercussions.

Many in the West argue that the literature on rape says that it is an unlikely phenomenon as opposed to 3rd world nations like Egypt — where 99% of women report experiencing some form of sexual harassment. Notably, this argument that current rape statistics in the West are low disregard’s the fact that many rapes go unreported — since rape victims do not report rapes in the hope of not being retraumatized.

Perhaps the framework of western society implicitly promotes rape. Frat culture, excess pornography and social stigmas that come with not having sex may lead many men to engage in non-consensual sexual behavior. To counter this, I believe that our sex education system should include the rules of consent — and such courses should show what a healthy and consensual sexual relationship really looks like. Such courses should also provide our young women with ways to defend themselves from rape and the type of people they should avoid. Such courses should never assume that the victim is to blame.

Interestingly, the Me Too movement may come with dangers. The Me Too movement may easily be channeled into excess politically correct dogmas. For instance, companies such as Google are now regulating interactions in the work place. The work place — which has historically served as a way to meet partners for the socially awkward — may turn into a dogmatic place of boredom and fear from simply interacting with the opposite sex.

With the dogmas that come with Me Too, everything we worked on the 1960s French sexual liberation movement may turn into conservative awkwardness. We may be approaching a world where sexual expression and mingling will be seen as creepy. We may be approaching a world where any kind complement may be seen as an unwanted sexual advance. If we do not respond to Me Too with reason, we will end up in a dogmatic world where people will be afraid to approach each other.

Notably, Me Too has brought about magnificent results — it has brought about a space where women that have been historically marginalized and powerless can now express their discontents with creepy and shameful men. But as with every moral panic — our response should be with reason — not with dogmas and anger. We should punish the guilty and not the innocent. To expand, there is a difference between a bad date and a rape — and conflating these two will create new moral problems.

Moreover, many in the Me-Too sphere argue that rape is about power. This argument states that powerful men like Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby and so on use the status they have as successful men to exploit less successful women sexually. The cases of Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby make this argument very convincing.

Sex has always been about power. The act of oral sex says more about power than anything else. The penetration of the female has always been about male dominance. The rise of BDSM shows the power dynamic of sex best. This dynamic of power spices up sex lives and is not always bad — but it must be regulated. We must limit excess fantasy and fetishism — since the world of excess fantasy and fetishism turns sex into barbarism and violence. When men and some women are watching porn, they open multiple tabs of various sexually perverse things so as to enter the world of excess pleasure and enjoyment. This world of excess fantasy has no end and can only be limited with some form of monogamy.

In public we act a certain way to repress our sexual desires — it is as if we are wearing a mask to hide our primitive sexual desires. Imagine if a man was told by his women that she has been sexually fantasizing about another man. Most men would be tortured by this image. Ironically, here, it is only the women who is having a true fantasy. On the other hand, the man would be struggling to reach peak fantasy — the man will try to reach her fantasies but will ultimately fail. The man will be asking himself: What was this fantasy she had and why can’t I have one?