Open Letter to Bill Maher
By: Carter Roy
Tags: Coronavirus, Bill Maher, Satire, Masks, Political Commentary

I saw a Bill Maher clip yesterday that makes me want to individually batter each of my brain cells against a wall in horror.

He suggests we’ve gotten a bit ‘neurotic’ with all the hand washing and masks and ‘fear’ of the virus. He said our immune systems are designed to handle microbes and we should let nature take its course and stop buying into some fear-based narrative.

I have had it. With. STUPIDITY.

IF YOU BELIEVE WE DON’T NEED TO REACT TO THIS VIRUS PLEASE DO THE FOLLOWING:

Stop drinking water from the tap, or bottled water, and begin drinking from creeks and rivers only. You see, the dysentery that kills millions in third world countries is shielded from you with great cost and COLLECTIVE effort. Every day disease is PREVENTED from INFECTING you.

But since you’re a believer that nature should takes is course, and death happens anyway, and that’s what the immune system is for, BACK IT UP. Start acting with integrity and live by your principles. Or SHUT UP.

Which means you’ll be defecating in your living room or yard. Toilets weren’t invented because we needed a place to sit, we already had outhouses. Plumbing was invented because of the incredible number of deadly microbes that live in feces. But hey, cholera is just another of countless microbes, we can’t go freaking out about it or what kind of life would we have?!

Honestly, digging 8 feet underground on EVERY street in EVERY town and laying pipe under EVERY street and into EVERY house and running all that water through massive filtration systems is such a waste of time and effort and money because death happens anyway and we have immune systems for that stuff!

I mean my god, the SUSTAINED EFFORT and ORGANIZATION we put forth because some FEAR-BASED PROPAGANDA has taken hold that our own feces could kill us?!

What is more natural than pooping?! Our own bodies must be designed to handle being around their own insides, so enough with this COMMUNIST collectivization and ENFORCED social behavior. You’ll shit when I want, where you want, and won’t be conned into using plumbing.

You’ll also be ceasing use of your refrigerator. Your impoverished mind has probably forgotten, but lettuce didn’t stage a national campaign to get out of the heat. Refrigeration was invented because of maggots and rot that comes from leaving food out, which is another way of saying microbes.

The ONLY reason you have a fridge is FEAR. You’re so shit scared some tiny part of nature will infect you that you take every piece of food and put it in an electrified box and sniff it every few days because you are a pathetic, terrified, media warped sheeple. STOP IT. STOP buying into the fear. Leave your milk and burgers on the counter like NATURE INTENDED and your immune system will handle it. Ok, probably not, but honestly, you’re gonna die someday anyway.

As far as smallpox, measles, mumps, and polio, you’ll be receiving a smoothie with all of them. Because the reason you don’t have them isn’t because of YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM.

Society was NICE ENOUGH to put a mask over those diseases decades ago by inoculating the entire population. But since you think taking action to prevent viral, microbial infections is a bunch of media hogwash you can visit select third world countries to prove how much you believe in the natural course of things and how the immune system needs no ARTIFICIAL PROTECTION.

Once you’re infected with them you can smugly report back how you obliterated smallpox, measles and polio with your immune system. I breathlessly await your demonstration of standing up for what you believe in.

Plus, guess what?! You can save a bunch of money when you go because you won’t have to buy malaria medication. Malaria is just another of all the microbes out there, but your body will be fine with it. Well, probably will be. Actually, only maybe. Ok, probably not. But you know what, death happens anyway, so why would you take a prophylactic drug (a mask) to prevent getting it? FEAR is the enemy, not a deadly disease you’d catch without prevention.

And you’ll have time to go because you’re free from all those pesky doctor appointments!

I mean, if you think wearing a mask is an over the top violation of the natural order and death’s destiny, you’ll probably be canceling your chemo appointments, now or at any time in the future. I mean if you think a 3 X 5 piece of terry cloth is too much effort, I doubt you’ll be getting an MRI! Those things are like 20,000 masks at once!

And phew, no heart valves or stints or heart operations of any kind. Your body can deal with plaque buildup, those are just RNA strands after all, exactly what Coronavirus is, your body is made to handle those.

In fact, since your immune system is designed to handle nature without aid or intervention, you won’t need to take any vitamins, supplements or medications of any kind. No high blood pressure meds, nothing for your stomach ulcers or migraines; my god, it’s actually scary how much you’ve already given in to FEAR when you think about it! You’re probably chucking all your prescriptions right now.

Think of it, you’ll literally never have to go to the doctor again because they’re advice is just fear mongering, and you have an immune system, and if something comes along that you can’t beat, well you’re going to die anyway. So why try to prevent it?!

Really, your whole life will change when you start showing me up by living according the principles you claim to uphold, I’ll look like such an idiot!

You’ll get to stop brushing your teeth and flossing (such BS), and when a staph infection from your cavities ravages your jaw, you’ll be able to laugh it off because those are just microbes!

You’ll be able to hang your necklaces on the toilet paper rack (you’re not dumb enough to fall for the whole corporate TP racket).

And most importantly, if you were to get Coronavirus, YOU WILL NOT ENDANGER DOCTORS AND NURSES BY GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

You made your choice, your immune system can handle it, and if not death happens anyway. Only a democrat liberal commie socialist would violate their own integrity and go to get help for something they swore needed no prevention.

I, truly, cannot wait for you all to show me how right you are.

***

Can we please, please, please dispense with the lunacy that proactive reaction to the virus is an anomaly from our way of life.

The monumental structure of science and prevention that protects us every day is one of the things that made America great. We were a first world country. A place where the diseases that killed most people throughout most of human history had been suffocated and walled off so we could survive.

Clarity: Infant mortality rates throughout human history were almost 50% until modern medicine.

The human immune system is NOT designed to survive nature. We have modified our behavior and our technology to survive, that is what we do.

Coronavirus should be another in a long list of microbes we defeated to make a safer world.

Except that we have allowed the lazy, unscrupulous disease of entitlement to warp our perception so meticulously that every single adaption and invention that we CHOSE and MADE and ADMINTESTERED to make a safer world has been taken for granted and forgotten.

The idea that masks and distance and focused sanitation habits are somehow beyond the pale of what we can do is the most moronic, ludicrous, babyish, bratty, uneducated, stupid, arrogant, thoughtless gibberish since…well, maybe just ever.