Finding Values in Everyday Life
By: Lisa Hough
Tags: Reflections Of Life, Coaching, Lifestyle, Values, Dealing With Stress

The Pathway to Joy in Difficult Circumstances

Have you heard the saying “If you want to know what you are committed to, look at what you’ve got?” There’s veracity in this statement, and because of the extended disruption we are dealing with in the Covid Era, many of us are challenged and living our lives in a bit of a bubble, a reactionary state. It’s a perfect time to take stock of our values, and how they are being expressed in our day-to-day life. Especially in times of such uncertainty, one way to impact our lives is to bring more agency to them by taking a look at how our values are being expressed in our day-to-day living.

I started writing a story about “finding values in everyday life” back in March 2020, following my last international trip, just prior our world turning upside down with the pandemic. It was at the tail end of a working holiday in Bali, and I began writing a story, a travelogue with insight destined for the blog on my coaching website. I was eager to re-create a vivid experience, one where I had seen with such clarity my values coming to life on a visit to a local jewellery-making museum in Seminyak. In a deep state of bliss during the experience, I wanted to bring to the importance of values in life, sharing how incredibly alive I was during a 2.5 hour visit to the boutique, gallery and experiential workshop of the famed artist John Hardy.

I delighted in every aspect of this excursion: from the sensory nature of examining the intricate and wide ranging collections of the handmade silver pieces, learning about the techniques and craftsmanship of the specialised form of jewelry, learning about the origins and history of the founder and expansion of the craft, all beautifully recounted by my guide, then finally taking my hand to the craft itself. Everywhere I turned was something beautiful to marvel at, constant awe-inspiring design and sensory fulfilment.

What got revealed as I explored this occasion was the piercing simplicity and abundance of pure joy while examining, making and delighting in the stories being told during this experience. It was truly a function of how several of my core values were being deeply nourished at the time, those of beauty, quality, learning and appreciation. It was THE highlight of my vacation, and a useful example of the importance of the presence of values in everyday life.

When radical changes unfolded over the next 6 weeks, I tucked the story away — it seemed a bit indulgent. Nearly 6 months later I’ve resurrected the article about how our values impact our everyday lives — because it seems even more relevant than ever. If our happiness in life is directly connected to how alive our values are from day to day, irrespective of circumstances, then reflection on this topic could be a critical part of rising to this time of challenge.

“What values are alive in my current circumstances of life? Which ones are missing, that I can bring to life to serve my experience now?”

Why Talk About Core Values?

In coaching, we work with the principle that a values-driven life offers deep fulfillment and success. Understanding your core values is about awareness. They are at the heart of who we truly are, and express what matters most. If you aren’t clear about your core values, you can access them in multiple ways, but it is clear that when we operate consistent with our values, we experience more fulfillment, happiness and joy in our lives. Likewise, in areas where life isn’t working, or where there is discord present, you could say a value is being betrayed, or ignored, and the result being pain, suffering, upset or un-happiness. When this is a common phenomenon, your life may really be out of whack.

The good news is you can begin to shift areas of your life quite easily by first understanding your values and then by taking steps to restore them to areas of life that are incongruent, simply through making new choices and taking course correcting actions. Realigning or getting a value’s ‘tune up’ can really shift your experience of life.

Discovering Values

There are a number of very simple ways to discover the values you are living by. Some are very straightforward — through doing a bit of reflective work — the deeper you go into this work the more valuable, no pun intended. You can do this work with personal coach or independently through reflecting and journaling on some basic questions about your life and your desires to help reveal the answers. Some people start with a detailed list of values and sift through it to see what traits or qualities most resonate with them. Finally, a bit more confronting or challenging for some, it’s possible to access your values by taking an inventory of areas of your life where things seem out of sync, or where things are not working to determine what is really missing for you at the core.

At the end of the day, a rich understanding our values allows you to have a framework or scaffolding on which to create your life, to incorporate a healthy reflection-action cycle to allow you to refine and go to work in areas of your life that you would like to cause some change. It can take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. As coaches, we like to say that operating from your core values offers a life of resonance, where we find fulfillment and happiness. Values provide a lens to look through to ensure you are living true to yourself.

What Values are Driving Your Life?

For the most part, the adjustment to the early restrictions of the pandemic had been both healthy and inspired — my approach had been to treat this time much like the gift of a forced holiday. I started out preoccupied with activities I love, that were otherwise only sporadic in my ‘normal’ life — planning and cooking unusual and elaborate meals, lots of reading, dedicated writing time, puzzles and games with my housemates, and many solitary hours of walking and yoga. I was also having many more conversations than usual with the people I care about, with friends and family far and wide. By design, they were all honouring my core values.

Here’s how these activities connect to my values. Anything food related — cooking, shopping, planning meals, dining with family — fulfil on my values of creativity, well-being, and connection. (Food also equates to love in my family.) Walking and yoga hits a combination of values — well-being, healthy living, beauty and nature. Whether appreciating the features of the houses and gardens on my long walks, or strolls along Port Phillip Bay enjoying the water, parkland, the breeze — I feel connected to nature when I’m moving my body. Every ‘walk and talk’ with a friend also honours my value of connection, learning, exploration.

I gave myself unusual permission early on to spend many hours reading and writing and listening to topics of interest, all an expression of my deep value of learning. Any informative podcast — on big world issues like climate change, human development, science or philosophy — I could feel my brain was alive, and I was intrinsically happy. Puzzles are a a solid way to get my fill of problem solving –1000 pieces always, oh, and there’s beauty there too.

“Your level of happiness or ease is directly related to the amount of time you spend on doing things that really matter to you.”

Interrupting the ‘New Normal’

One thing I’ve heard repeatedly, during this time of forced isolation, is that the slower pace of life has been a blessing. What I’ve experienced quite often in this ‘new normal’ is how refreshing it is to have sufficient time to attend to the basics, and to get into my natural rhythms, distinctly void of interruptions or expectations from the outside world. It’s been relaxing to operate daily life at this pace, and sometimes surreal.

Six months into the Covid-19 era, many of these benefits I expereinced early on have become stale or tapered off in their richness. So, I’ve decided to take inventory of my life again, to see how I am currently spending my time, what I’m doing to cope with the uncertainty, and if there’s any work to be done to re-align my life with my values.