The Differences in Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissism, and Malignant Narcissism
By: Carol Lennox
Tags: Psychology, This Happened To Me, Narcissism, Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse

PSYCHOLOGY

The Differences in Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissism, and Malignant Narcissism

The third one is what most people think of as narcissism.

Photo by Manuel Meurisse on Unsplash

You’ve seen the malignant narcissist on television and in films. The characters Hannibal Lector, Amy in “Gone Girl,” and Dexter are prime examples of the cold, calculated, charming, manipulative, terrifying people deemed narcissistic. The protagonist in “You” also searches for the perfect love, which of course he can never actually find. Once he sees the flaws in the perfect lover he thinks he’s found, he feels compelled to kill them.

They all exhibit the classic symptoms of Narcissistic Personality disorder, NPD. Grandiosity to the point of fantasy. They consider themselves special, and far more intelligent than “ordinary” people. They crave admiration. They fantasize about the perfect love, or the perfect antagonist or counter foil, as in Hannibal Lector and Clarise Starling.

It isn’t a coincidence that these four characters are also serial killers. Serial killers are inevitably narcissistic sociopaths/psychopaths. However, contrary to media portrayals, not all people with NPD are either sociopaths or serial killers.

There is a spectrum to what is popularly referred to in the vernacular as narcissism. Malignant narcissism, a name coined by Erich Fromm in 1964, is the extreme, and while not every malignant narcissist is a serial killer, serial killers belong in this category.

People with NPD have an inability or unwillingness to consider the needs or feelings of others, but they may not completely lack all empathy. They are grandiose, self-centered, need to feel superior to others, and can be manipulative. But they don’t kill.

Finally, there are those we call narcissists, who may actually be people with a Superiority Complex. They exhibit some of the traits of NPD, without having the full-blown disorder. They are the run-of-the-mill narcissists, a description they would abhor, as it indicates they are not as superior as they like to think.

Confused yet? If you are, so are many people who find themselves in relationships with someone on the narcissistic spectrum.

When our mental picture of narcissism is that of Dexter, Hannibal Lector, Amy in “Gone Girl,” and Joe Goldberg in “You,” it’s easy to get sucked into a relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder without the sociopathic component. That’s why it’s important to learn the signs and the differences.

Most on this spectrum, even some serial killers, are charming. People with NPD “love bomb” their relationship interests in the beginning. They will say you are the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent, empathetic (insert complimentary term of your choice here), person they’ve ever met. Their interest in you will feel intense, and you may feel seen and understood as never before. That’s the spider’s web they weave for you, the fly.

Once you’re in the relationship, the web analogy becomes more obvious. Not only are you captivated by your narcissist, you can’t imagine not being with them. You’re trapped. Why? Because you will constantly be chasing after the initial feelings they sparked in you. Feelings of joy at being “known,” gratitude for being chosen by such a special being. But you can never truly know them, no matter how many times you probe, search through their phones, or have them followed.

When you find yourself doing those things, it is a dead giveaway that you are in a relationship with a someone on the narcissism spectrum. You won’t find any dead bodies, but you will find clandestine relationships with others, and secret adoring “fans.”

Is your partner, friend, parent, or coworker someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, someone with narcissistic traits, or a malignant narcissist? Look for these distinctions.