Yes, You’ll Fail -And Yes, Your Kid Will Point It Out
By: Adrienne Koziol
Tags: Life, Failure, Life Lessons, Parenting, Children

One certainty in life: Kids will keep you humble.

Photo by Author

Will we ever figure it out?

Sometimes I think I might be getting the hang of this whole parenting thing. You’d think so, after twenty three years and nine kids. Honestly though, I’m more used to failure and I’m slowly beginning to accept it. I have to. My kids keep me humble by pointing out my faults.

It happens to us all. We’re supposed to be doing the enlightening. We’re the ones full of experience, knowledge, and wisdom. In reality, it’s more like they don’t hear us at all unless we’re in the wrong. They catch us in our moments of weakness and proclaim it so the whole world knows. And then continue to remind us for the rest of our lives. Sometimes, their comments are so full of obvious truth that we have to shut up and listen.



I could probably fill a book with stories of this happening, but one situation came to mind recently. My then-3-year-old was mothering an older sibling. She was (and still is) known for her bossy and blunt attitude. She sounded very rude, so I told her she wasn’t being nice and needed to be polite. She looked at me and said, “Sometimes, you don’t speak nice, either.”

It struck hard because she was right. My instinct was to justify it. I’m the mom; I have to speak like that sometimes…. right?

I realized how ridiculous it sounded as soon as the words popped into my mind. Why would I have to be rude? Do I really think I should be harsh to my kids just because they’re immature or behaving poorly?

But the excuses kept coming. Maybe it’s ok when:

they’re not doing their chores?

they’re fighting?

they’re moving too slow?

they’re making a mess?

Ultimately I gave up. There’s always a better way to handle the situation, and I know that. I can’t expect my kids to learn respect and patience when I don’t demonstrate it myself. Too often, I correct a child for their tone of voice but need to work on my own.

Not that everything has to be said in a sugary, sing-song voice. Honestly, that would get annoying FAST. And I would probably sound even more cynical and sarcastic than usual if I tried.

This time, it’s about our attitude, not theirs.

This isn’t about their obedience- that’s a separate topic. It’s about how we respond as parents. I can’t pretend that my snippy, harsh, and impatient replies are excusable just because I’m a tired mother.

I know I need to be an example and treat my kids with respect, even when stressed. If I can have the self-control to do it for the general population, surely I can do it for the little people that are my world. For those of you that lack self-control and disrespect everyone equally, please- get things figured out. Don’t be an a$$hole that raises little a$$holes.

I ended up apologizing to my daughter. I told her she was right, that I don’t always speak the way I should, and would try to do better. We still discussed her attitude, but she was more open to it since I was willing to listen and accept responsibility for my actions.

Raising kids is a learning process that never ends. It’s a rough road full of detours and pit stops. The trip will be miserable if we insist we are the only ones capable of reading the map, or think we will never get lost. We will. Sometimes it takes a small, ornery replica of ourselves to remind us.

Kids already know we aren’t perfect. It hurts the relationship when we pretend that we are. Be open and honest, admit mistakes, and work on doing better next time. It’s what we expect from them, so model it well.