How removing the word ‘busy’ lead to more meaningful conversations.
By: Bec Thexton
Tags: Words Matter, Attention, Productivity, Awareness, Conversations

Five mindset shifts that helped with more authentic responses and less ‘busy’:

Creating an alternate response by being specific about what you’ve spent your time doing.

Busy is generic. It doesn’t describe or explain anything anyway, so try specifically mentioning a few activities or areas you’ve been focusing on. “I’ve been good — currently enjoying reading, pottering around the house, working on a new strategy at work and trying to do yoga twice a week”. This requires a pause as you consider a response, but with practice becomes simple.

An added bonus of the specific response is it opens the conversation up wider. You may find a common interest, experience or lead onto another topic when ‘busy’ often shuts conversation down.

2. Applying honesty in how we decline invitations to spend our time.

Instead of saying ‘ we’re too busy’ to go to an event, could we respond with ‘ I am in much need of a night home alone relaxing so I can’t attend’? By giving ourselves permission to be more open about what we need, hopefully it gives others permission to do the same. Adopting new language demonstrates via actions and leads others to do the same by example. Bonus, no more ‘fake busy’ when you’re really recharging at home.

3. Change your mindset to how you spend your time.

Analyse any TV commercial break and you’ll see over scheduled-ness being blamed as the catalyst for many of lifes challenges. The word ‘ busy’ is ingrained in many aspects of society, embraced by the workplace and associated with familial life. Smartphones and constant pings don’t ease the perception of busy-ness either. It can feel like we are extremely busy. However, we are in control of how we spend a large portion of our time. Shifting our mindset to being the designers of our schedule instead of the receivers can change how we view our calendars. Take control back and re-shuffle your time to be spent on what matters most.

4. Be realistic in what you can do and apply some self-compassion.

Identify what is truly important to you, bin the rest. It’s unrealistic to expect high performance in every area in your life. Being realistic in the important areas can help release some of the expectations and perfectionism we place on ourselves. Easier said than done but once applied, this can be extremely freeing. What activities ground you? What are must-dos? How much time you really spend commuting, working, cleaning, worrying and scrolling on Facebook?

Develop a clear view of how you spend your time and tweak accordingly if you feel out of balance in a certain area. Pay close attention to how you use your free time and identify when you need to rest, recoup, play or refill your cup. Hopefully, then you’ll feel less busy and less inclined to use that word to reference how you have been. Applying self-compassion and empathy towards yourself for this is crucial.

5. Listen generously when the other is talking

Generous listening seems like a simple act but when in the moment of an interaction that starts with ‘I’m so busy’ it can seem like a race to the end of the conversation. Listen between the lines, can you pick up on experiences subtly mentioned? If you’re applying openness and intention to how we response to others, we can hope to receive the same back.