He Flights
By: Anthony Bialy
Tags: America, Trump Administration, Donald Trump, President, Capitol Riot

t’s easy to know what’s coming when a brain’s preprogrammed. People aren’t nearly as random as free will would lead us to believe. Take predictable television barker and one-time president Donald Trump, who’s a wild man along the lines of squirrels on the zoo grounds. The alleged joker plays the rules card every time.

A cop-killing riot in one of the headquarters of one of the other federal branches inspired by pouting over losing is shocking on its own and entirely foreseeable based on a lifetime of appalling bitching. Those who’ve unfortunately spent a couple decades being exposed to a spectacularly weak oaf’s behavior shouldn’t be any more shocked by the black glass aficionado creating a black hole of misery than they should by how he never signed full Obamacare repeal. But the wall’s probably done.

I’m sure it’s fake news that Trump’s trifling accomplishments will be banished to the bottom of the Wikipedia page. People don’t think of landing on the Moon as the first of Richard Nixon’s accomplishments. President Dick also had the decency to resign, which is just another way another president was better. Nobody will ever see Trump as a tragic figure even if he inflicted plenty of it.

Call others RINOs to distract from a liberal record. Business lessons apply everywhere. Daft trade wars accompanied a very brave refusal to cut spending. And Trump feared entitlements like they’re alimony. Elect a president who understands what a trade war is.

Trump is the biggest politician there is. He spewed precisely what he thinks whoever’s listening wants to hear. Lying artlessly makes him an outsider, according to Judge Jeanine. Railing against the system while trying to be accepted as a member is just how to bring them down from the inside. There’s still time.

The fraud epitomizer says what he doesn’t mean. The followup is the tricky bit, which shouldn’t be a revelation to humans. But don’t let him doing the precise opposite keep anyone from following the smallest person through his retirement. A loss to Joe freaking Biden won’t deter the MAGA zombie horde from still presuming his mouthiness means toughness. Worshiping an empty bully surely demonstrates one’s alpha status.

The temp president can return to business career of announcing he’s successful, which you may notice does not actually involve doing successful things. Each moment to the end of of his maddening presidency shows how he’s obsessed with what he thinks you think embodies triumph, which explains everything from the tacky gold used to display his tackier name to his penchant for women with plastic chassis to whom he’s not married to claims of being the best at all activities. Why do it when you can say it?

Noticing tendencies is for low-energy losers. Establishment insider globalists who check results noticed many of his amazing business ventures disappeared like his chance at staying president, which seems like failure. Claiming he won hasn’t worked over a lame career culminating in the announcement that a loss was fixed.

Trump’s entire genius business plan has consisted of slapping his name on shoddy products, which is perfectly appropriate. The cunning strategy applies to his presidency. His regrettable habit of he’s amazing because he’s amazing was clear in mid-’80s if anyone wanted to check if a person was a worthwhile presidential contender. I’ll never forgive Fred Trump for such a poor hire.

Railing about lunatic conspiracies until the very end is only natural. It’s entirely boring hearing about an election that wasn’t fixed as it is knowing an exhausting goon was going to bitch precisely like this if he lost.

Can you blame the victim’s hurt feelings? He has the whole world against him, except for how same world provided someone as singularly loathsome with every unearned chance. Trump is right about everything being unfair in a way he’ll never grasp.

The inside outsider’s political claims unsurprisingly ended up as empty as about his entire career, so here’s to consistency. Thankfully, it’s no longer trendy to think how paltry his success rate embodies vigorous manliness. Trump products only being available on eBay as gag gifts makes bluffing his way to the head of state even more mortifying.

A term that was shameful before it began says more about those who made it happen than it does the pompous clod who was the term’s sole beneficiary. Finding a Trump fan will be like admitting to owning a Milli Vanilli cassingle. Ha ha, you fell for it?

There’s nothing behind the image, which apparently wasn’t obvious to more trusting fellow consumers. Some 1990s nostalgia isn’t charming. Not thinking of consequences from today’s lurching has defined the bad president, worse businessman, and worst person.

Get back here and be lectured. The presidential outcast’s dwindling supporters making threats about how they’ll be a political force are laughable in a way his nicknames never were. Dismiss the impact like Lyndon LaRouche supporters handing out the equivalent of poorly-photocopied pamphlets.

Thinking their mortifying support of a thorough fraud will remain a political force is like planning a vacation at Trump Taj Mahal. Aspiring inept mobsters act like they’ve got a sensitive body part of yours in a vice grip when they’ve pinched their own extremities.

Depression is another term for awareness. Anyone with the slightest ability to read the news or note personalities knew exactly how this unfortunate would turn out, which is not much comfort after enduring it. Listen to those who noticed a disgraced braggart’s disgusting tendencies in 2015 to avoid this all. The worst thing about Trump was making it so liberals had a point.

The only legacy possibility left for an improbable president who definitely came up short involves deciding which unfortunate city will host an impossibly garish building that’ll be vacant after his presidential library goes bankrupt. There will be plenty of space even when it’s open. Tired curators can only stock shelves with so many copies of Think Big and Kick Ass. Expect the classy palace to be stocked with about 50 copies of the rather unsexy Playboy with him on the cover preserved for posterity.

Where should we stick this tribute to the classiest of presidents? There’s plenty of space in Atlantic City for some reason. I can’t believe a person who guaranteed so much failed to keep his word. It might be good to learn by his last day.