To the lady who flipped off my kid…
By: Catherine Shep
Tags: Children, Respect, Kindness, Fear, Feminism

It was a typical chilled Saturday, me and the kid were eating lunch outside a burger place enjoying the sun and post-lockdown hustle and bustle. But then her face fell and she said “Mummy that lady just made an angry face and did the rude finger at me.” I looked around to see a 20ish woman in the passenger seat of a car talking to the male driver. “Was that her?” I asked, mama bear ramping up for action. AJ nodded affirmative. I stood up but the lights changed and they drove off.

As you can imagine, I was super mad, but unable to resolve it through confrontation….so here’s my message to that woman.

First of all, I’m curious why you did it. Did you think my kid was staring at you and it pissed you off? Or do you just loathe kids and took the opportunity to let one know that? Or did you think it was funny and wanted to impress your boyfriend or mate? Were you just in a bad mood and reacted from that? Or….unlikely but possible….are you a racist who didn’t like seeing an Asian kid in a white neighbourhood?

As someone who has done a lot of dumb stuff in my life I can understand how you might have acted foolishly in the moment and while I don’t necessarily condemn you for that I do want to share with you the impact of your actions.

You scared my kid. She’s only 8 and at that age they still believe in magic and that all people are fundamentally good. Most people smile at her because she is pretty cute and sweet, I mean she skips everywhere, it’s adorable.

Obviously the world isn’t all sunshine and roses and she will have to learn that one day, so maybe I should thank you stranger for giving her an early lesson in that. But it really fucking sucked. She said “Mummy I want to go home now and never come back here.” and she meant it. We left and she was edgy and anxious the whole way home, like a cat that’s been released into an unfamiliar environment. She talked about it all evening and even wrote a letter to you which I told her Santa will deliver. (Yes, it has a very well-drawn picture of a middle finger on it to return the sentiment).

In scientific terms, stranger lady, you triggered her amygdala and told it that being out in public is not safe because large strangers may be aggressive to you. You put her brain on guard mode which shuts down the other higher order parts of her brain where joy, freedom and pleasure reside. Carlton shops will now be a trigger for her until she has enough positive experiences there to wipe out this negative one, and just getting her there again will be a battle. I can already hear the “No Mummy, please can we go somewhere else.”

A throw away action by you (from the safety of your car) really messed up the day and possibly some future days of an innocent kid. She is already bouncing back with the help of me and her Dad, but she will never forget what you did and how it made her feel.

I want you to know that as a woman I’m really disappointed in you, because by now all adult women in Australia should realise that we need to have each other’s backs and lift each other up in this country, rather than punching sideways or down on each other.

It was a small act of aggression on the scale of what happens to so many poor children in the world, but it was unnecessary, and I encourage you to reflect and be better in the future. Kindness lady, above all kindness.