You Don’t “Get Over” Anxiety
By: Shea Nikkel
Tags: Anger, Depression, Anxiety, Therapy, Books

I have had anxiety my entire life, but before I had my daughter two and a half years ago at age 30, I just thought I was crazy or had something wrong with me.

In the small town I grew up in, mental health was not something that was discussed, much like many other towns or cities in this country. My family is also not the type of family that talks about feelings. Let me rewind a bit.

I was an extremely emotional child and teenager, mostly teenager. It was always played off by my family and whoever else that I was being dramatic. Don’t get me wrong, I love some good drama, but in a funny way.

For example, this morning I was having a rough start to my day and sent this text to my husband, “Don’t ever let me sleep in again!!!! My life is in shambles!!”

His response, “Oh good lord!”

Followed by my, “Don’t judge me. You don’t know my life.”

He then proceeded to send this, “Hahahahahahhshshshvvvv,” which I can only imagine was him laughing so hard at my theatrics that he couldn’t even type straight. So yes, I like some drama. However, my regular emotional breakdowns as a child and even as a young adult were not the same thing.

I have also had friends tell me on multiple occasions, “Don’t act crazy,” or “Just get over it.” Friends, a little advice. Don’t EVER tell an emotional girl she sounds crazy or tell her to get over it. She may act fine later, but she will be either pissed or hurt by that comment for a very long time after it occurs. I can attest to that. But don’t ever ask me about it because I will deny it to the death. The thing I am mad at may be completely ridiculous in the grand scheme of things, but in that moment it is completely mind altering and all consuming.

I am not one who holds grudges and that’s not what this is. It is just difficult to move on from something when you feel like you are constantly being judged. I also believe no one cares as much about your feelings as you do. That’s not being negative, it’s just the truth. We are programmed to think about ourselves all day every day, so when something hits home for us, we are forced to think about it even if we don’t want to, especially if you have anxiety or depression.

Having anxiety also means I have a bad temper. I get set off rather quickly, but I recover from it just as fast. I remember when I was about eleven years old. My siblings and I were going to a private school that takes place in the classrooms at our church. It’s still there today. A friend of mine and I got in a fight during PE to the point where we were physically assaulting each other. I couldn’t possibly tell you what we were fighting about but I’m sure it was just childhood crap, like one of us stole the other’s volleyball.

Our teacher pulled us into his office and told us we had to apologize to each other and stop fighting. I told him I refused to apologize because I was still mad and I was not going to apologize for something I was still that worked up over. I don’t know how long he kept us in there, I just remember I was red hot mad. Mad to the point where I couldn’t see straight, my breathing got heavy, and my heart rate was through the roof. I still get mad like that and then have little memory of the actually experience later because I get so worked up it’s like I black out. The difference between then and now is that I have learned how to control my anger. Eleven year old me, not so much.

I got this mad a few weeks ago as well. Someone put up a Facebook post that I thought was extremely offensive and because I’m not the type to have fights on social media I closed the app and went off about it to Kyle instead. I was thinking about it the next day and realized there were certain parts of the conversation I had with Kyle that I really couldn’t remember. I was so mad that I had blocked it out. However, I am an adult and kept it within our home. There are a few things that work for me when I get this angry.

Take a long, hot shower while blasting loud angry music or The Greatest Showman soundtrack. Go for a drive, listen to the same music. Go for a run and listen to the same music or someone that inspires me, such as Rachel Hollis or Jen Sincero.

Since it is winter in Iowa, the third wasn’t an option a few weeks ago. I had just gotten home from work so I didn’t really feel like going for a drive. Therefore, I went for option number one. The Greatest Showman soundtrack is always uplifting. I don’t care who you are or what kind of music you like, it’s just a fact.

I’m not going to get real deep here, just touching the surface of it. Writing regularly for the past year has made me have to think about all of my feelings and thoughts and actually deal with them. Because of this, I thought maybe sharing a little of my story would help someone else who may be dealing with anxiety and doesn’t know how to ask for help or what to do about it.

First of all, reach out to me because no matter how ridiculous or “crazy” you feel, I promise I have felt the same way. Second of all, find what works for you. For me, it’s exercise, music, and books. Maybe you like to watch a sad movie and cry it out or go beat the shit out of a punching bag. Whatever works, you do you!