The old man in the summer
By: Rafael Godoy
Tags: Life, Summer, Fiction, Poetry

Photo by pixpoetry on Unsplash

In the summer, we don’t think about the problems. It’s the motive why the summer exists. When you see life run, you don’t want to do anything. Just want to stay stopped, waiting for the things fixes itself. Is it necessary? I mean: you need to stay stopped when the problem out there calls you for the dance? The sun definitely thinks that you’re crazy if you do it. I know, the sun can’t think. But, someone needs to do it for you. This is that I think when I just can stay stopped. I really talk to the sun, but he doesn’t answer. Ok, I’m glad not. But is unacceptable that the things some like this still happens. How can this!? Yeah, actually, I’m a hypocrite.

Sometimes I don’t want to walk in the morning. I know that is good for me, but I’m an old man, I never want to do anything. I mean, I will die in a little while. Why do I need to do something that I don’t want? My daughter insists that I exercise. Bullshit! I almost don’t even have any more muscles. My flabby skin can sing wind music. I see my grandchildren grow up and everything that I can think is “little bastards! I wish to be you!”. I know, it’s disgusting. I should be a good grandpa. I really once went, but currently, I don’t care about it. I became a little boy, but the balls down and without teeth. If you judge me because of things that I say, wait a little longer to see.

The summer used to be a time to bathe in the sea, look at women walking across the sand in a bikini, talk with my old friends, drink beers, have sex with my wife all night long, and take care of the kids. Now it’s just memories of good times. And I know that I’m expiring. I know that my daughter and son fight not to be with me. I know that I’m a burden to them. Today, I’m a burden to me too. And I understand, it’s a golden age for them. While I need someone to go to the bathroom, they sing the freedom of music with a joint between their fingers. While I’m bored with everything, they contemplate nature. It’s the dream.

About my grandchildren, I love them. I like to say shit sometimes, it’s healthy. Well, I’m not healthy, actually, but you can understand. I miss my wife. She always said: “you walk to death like a gentleman” when I screwed up, being ironic. These memories make me laugh alone. That woman always knew what to say. She died five years ago, but I remember very well that smile. I always said: “darling, as long as you smile, I’ll be happy.”. Now there are no more smiles, phrases, and touches. But this is life. I apologize for getting so sentimental. I’m still one of those who think a man can’t cry.

I lived great things. I don’t know if I said, but I was a journalist. I really saw a lot of things. God, if I could tell you, would you go crazy. I can’t because I don’t remember almost anything. For Goodness sake! I feel like I’m a hundred years old. I try to remember, but I can’t. I have (or had) secrets that I even don’t remember. Maybe I remember when I’m on my deathbed. You know, people say that all memories go through your head.

By the way, I need to say something that I had forgotten: besides all that, I also shit in my pants. Maybe you can’t see the importance of that. Maybe, you don’t need to care about it now. But this is important, believe me. It takes away your freedom. So, if you can’t have freedom, you can’t have anything. Think about it while I go to clean my pants. Oh, ok, it’s true: think about it while I call someone to clean up.

Anyway, You need to run. You need to meet someone… or yourself. You need to scream. You need to have sex. Oh, you need so much of everything. But, first of all, you need to get your ass off the chair and stop reading this. It’s just bullshit! I would never have time to read this. I’m just an old man in the bed, too lazy to live what I lack. The problems, the sea, the sand, the women, the beers, the fight, the sex, the hope of better days… everything is there calling you to dance. Do you go? It’s summer! And I’m just an old man.

Run, guys! Run!