What’s inside your Truth?
By: Brittany Taylor
Tags: Life Coaching, Self Healing, Truth, Marriage, Divorce

I’ve been developing my idea of what “speaking your truth” really means. Of course, you can Google this phrase and see that many people find great value in speaking their truths. But as someone who has been historically transparent, I still felt there’s a personal definition inside of me, by which I’d rather live.

My marriage is over. That’s an objective statement.

My marriage lasted less than 7 weeks. Another objective statement.

My husband created a Tinder account, and a woman reached out to me to tell me her experience of him. Again. Provable. Reliable. Facts.

But what’s my truth? First, let’s break down the questions I had to ask myself before I make my statement:

What is my goal in speaking my truth? In the past, I used to yelp like a puppy who’s paw was stepped on. Just wanting the world to know I hurt- hoping for the good humans to reach out and comfort me. But also, to expose the human who stepped on me. I’ve stopped doing that. I realized that it’s not helpful or productive to speak before processing pain. No yelping- talk with someone first. Am I activated? How do I feel in my body when I speak it? Am I in fight or flight mode, or do I feel solid in my truth? If my body is screaming “danger!” while I get ready to tell someone (who may not be emotionally safe to share with) my vulnerable truths, I may need to back out and process/co-regulate with a safer recipient of my news. Am I projecting? Am I speaking only of my experience with facts and objective understandings of what occurred in my life, or am I trying to fill in the blanks and explain the “why” of another person’s behavior? It’s not fair to the other person, to put words in their mouth or explain their experience- no matter what occurred. I’ve learned to only speak about myself and my own interpretation of what happened. After all, my goal is not character assassination. My goal is to speak freely of my experiences in life- good and bad. Am I relaying a deeper message? What’s the juice of it all? Surely it’s not the details of what happened… there’s reality TV for indulgences like that. What’s the core of your truth?

Again- these are questions I’ve just learned to ask myself along the way- after conflating truth with yelping in pain. Failing to process that pain before speaking it out into the world is a very human thing to do. But if you want to make impact with your truth, it’s best to be as intentional as possible.

My truth:

This relationship was the best relationship of my life. I’ve never felt safer.

I woke up most days with one of my first thoughts being, “Please don’t die,” as I looked at my children and my new husband and thought about how freaking magical life had become. I felt like had everything I needed.

My world is rocked, yet somehow, I feel really blessed to experience this type of betrayal. The fervor I had going into my marriage was genuine, inspiring, and I won’t forget how great he made me feel about myself.But I’m burdened by the potential grief my daughters might feel, so my life is about distracting them right now, and building my business because I feel a bit unleashed by all of this pain.

I don’t believe people are entitled to your silence when they cause so much pain. But I don’t want that to be my only message.

Pain has taught me the most in this lifetime, and the truth is, I’m grateful for it.