What A Well Taught Me About Marriage…
By: Rabbi Shmulik Greenberg
Tags: Judaism, Relationships, Love, Corona

When the pandemic closed all the bars, restaurants and museums in Israel, one woman had a big concern on her mind. If there is no where for couples to date, how will new ones meet and get to know each other? She didn’t stop at her concern though. She came up with a solution by creating an online format for private people to offer their living rooms, gardens and porches for the use of dating. An Airbnb of sorts to make sure we continue having weddings in the Jewish world.

This news story made me smile and today was a great time to share it. Our forefather Jacob met his match in this week’s Torah portion. They didn’t need a restaurant or bar through, they met at the town’s drawing well. What’s interesting to note though, is that he and Rachel weren’t the only biblical couple to meet at the well. Isaac’s wife Rebecca was also found at the well. Moses too met his wife to be, Tzipporah, at the well! They weren’t simply chance meetings. They had gone there with the intention of finding their soul-mate.

What is up with that? Why the well of all places?

Practically speaking, back then the well was a popular watering hole (quite literally!). Everyone needed to get water at some point in their day… and so it was a good place to meet. But I want to offer a more profound reason and connection between couples and wells.

A well, unlike a running stream (or faucet) requires digging and toil to reach the water. Even once the well is in place, drawing the water requires much more effort than collecting water from a running stream.

Even when love falls into your lap (as it actually did with Jacob; the text tells us that he loved her right when he saw her), the relationship- like a well, is still going to require effort. For that matter, when anything in life falls into our lap, (a great job, a good educational opportunity, an easy child) maintaining it, nurturing it and building it into something greater will require effort.

Sometimes we are lucky, and after just a little bit of digging we find fresh water. But what the biblical stories of the wells reminds us of, is that even when we dig and dig and dig, and we are exhausted from the effort, we must bear in mind that we will eventually reach fresh water! It’s right there beneath the next layer that we will unearth.

The layers that block our relationship from thriving might be in the form of ego, past traumas or even unrealistic expectations… but one thing is for sure- by uncovering yet another layer of "dirt" we will arrive at those fresh waters.

The same applies in our relationship with G-d. I so often hear people tell me that they aren’t a good enough Jew- that there are too many layers of dirt blocking them for experiencing a connection with G-d. The stories of the well are a reminder to all of us who might feel that- a reminder that the fresh waters are right there waiting to be uncovered. A simple mitzvah, a prayer or a few minutes of Torah study will help remove one layer at a time. Like all relationships, this one too must be nurtured and maintained.

A bar or restaurant (a synagogue or Jewish center) isn’t a prerequisite. This Friday evening take G-d on a date in your dining room.

Light Shabbat candles at 4:11 PM and you’ll find your relationship beginning to heal and soon enough it’ll thrive.

Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom.