Unboxing GENDERs. An exploration of their nurture.
By: Cathy Mk
Tags: Nurturance, Perspective Shift, Gender Identity, Lgbtqia

Background: I wrote this article, in June 2020, during the Pride month, after an invitation of a dear friend and colleague to participate in a global research publication about gender. The official digital and printed book is expected to be released in November. Till then, below you can already read my piece.

Through this article, we will dive into a brief, yet momentous trail about Gender Identity, uncovering its diverse orientations, why we need to stop talking about tolerance, and how by re-constructing our concepts, we can make inclusivity a reality, where each individual can have the opportunity to thrive and pay it forward.

Credits of picture: Erik Mclean, pexels.com

Oh, Gender, My Gender. [1]

Let’s start with the basics. Gender is a social construct. Gender is often confused with sex.[2] Gender is a significant part of our Identity.[3] Gender is often perceived in most countries around the world within the duality of man/woman and often, people use mistakenly the terms male/female, which are describing the sex assigned at the birth of someone, as linguistic words that can describe also the gender of an individual. There are many definitions out there and even more perspectives, experiences, and life stories.

I am focusing on the second ones and will be sharing mine with you. Within my work as an LGBTQIA+[4] Spectrum educator, I have encountered with more than 600+ LGBTQIA+ people, in the last 6 years, mostly young generations between 16 to 30 years old, from international and intersectional backgrounds and countries, whose personality colors and individual beauty in all aspects is undeniable, a heartwarming inspiration and without any doubt, a learning source.

I am, myself, part of this colorful spectrum, a mostly non-binary and in-between genderfluid individual, who didn’t have any references while growing up, as to how come I would feel so different from my other peers in regards to how I was experiencing my gender, its expression, my body, and my romantic and sexual attraction towards other people. There were no educational programs provided within the school curriculum, or even an open environment to feel safe to talk about my experience, without the fear of being judged, bullied, isolated, and disowned by my peers and family.

Imagine living your life with this constant fear and the un-comfortability of being who you are, thinking that something is fundamentally wrong with yourself, and the closest references to you, being those conforming norms, that keep insisting on defining womanhood, and manhood girlhood and boyhood, as a puzzle game between the commercialized choice of pink and blue color — while the rest of the spectrum of colors is kept aside living on a deserted island as if they have committed a crime for even existing in the world.

And then imagine those colors every day doing the work and building the so much necessary bridge to reach the other side, with the intention to reunite with pink and blue, after all, they are all part of the same species and family — but then on the other side, you have pink and blue, who while they share the same intention, though, are trapped, almost imprisoned, within some of their constructors’ closeted ideology of what is normal, and what must be the norm that everyone has to follow in order to fit in and succeed in life.

Credit for the picture: Yasin Yusuf, unsplash.com

Re-constructing the norms

As human beings, we are the ultimate creators of our life, shaping our cultures (personal, and collective ones), and our societies, the norms to which we are living, and co-living. Many of those norms, are not serving us anymore, and for a long time now. We are living in a world where we cannot anymore talk about gender, and gender equity, as something that it’s a matter and life-issue only between men and women because it’s not. Somehow it seems to me, we are all aware of that, yet some of us, deliberately choose to ignore that, thus undervaluing many of our fellow beings’ lives. We are excluding a spectrum of identities such as trans men, trans women, genderfluid, non-binary, gender-neutral, agender, third gender people, and many more.[5]

We cannot talk about gender (identity) and put our concepts on the play, without listening and acknowledging the stories and experiences of so many people. No one has the right to choose the label for us, and state how we are supposed to be, look and behave, yet we do that, within the cultural contexts that we grow in, that include religions, traditions, etc.

We continue regenerating the stereotypes of centuries and with everything unknown and different within our mirror view, we let the fear take the first stage — which translates to behaviors that encourage hate-speech, prejudices, discrimination, phobias (homophobia, biphobia, transphobia) of everything and every one different, violence, hate crimes, and more harmful actions. Think about it. Fact-wise, I share with confidence, that each one of us knows at least one person in our lives, who has suffered or currently as you read, experiencing such traumatic situations.

As the social creators and crafters of the concept of gender, it’s time we re-construct it and start using the language that describes and includes all the spectrum and person’s identities. The words man and woman, only express a part of the world and we need to shift our language and act on our inclusivity. It’s not enough to talk about how we can be inclusive, if we do not take an action upon it, from the smallest to the biggest.

Even more, one’s work starts from the within, from oneself — becoming self-aware, educating ourselves, leaning towards people who have a different background than us, and listening to their stories, with the intention to empathize and understand, opening our horizons to the unlimited human possibilities that exist. One’s work continues with changing the roots of outdated narratives and growing new seeds, which then can support and impact the creation and/or update of policies and laws, that will finally ensure without question the fundamental human rights of those who are constantly being on the side of marginalization and oppression, experiencing an enormous vulnerability, which based on factual events, most of the times cost their lives.

Credit for the picture: Harry Quan, unsplash.com

When good enough, is not enough anymore.

At the end of the day, one can make the assumption, that we all want to be valued, respected, and recognized for who we are, lead and live enriching lives filled with happiness, freedom, and love. And that is exactly why we need to stop talking about tolerance.

Based on the Oxford definition of the word “tolerate”, its first meaning is described as “allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one dislikes or disagrees with) without interference”. Let’s take a moment to digest and comprehend what we actually mean when we use this word. As you continue reading, I invite you to pause and think of moments, people, and events in your life, that you have experienced tolerance, both as a giver and receiver.

Now, if you happen to feel uncomfortable recalling those past memories for whatever reason, know that your emotion is valid. This is part of the practice of looking within ourselves, becoming aware and acknowledging that tolerance, while it’s something that we all do in our lives in different contexts, consciously or unconsciously — yet it should not be a glorifying attitude of how we treat and co-live with our fellow beings. It has been our “good enough” getaway for decades, which looking at the world’s reality right now, it doesn’t serve us anymore — its role has expired. Simply, in our context of diversity and individuality, it is not enough anymore to just tolerate. We can do better than that. We need to be willing to choose to do better than that.

As Jane Elliot, Diversity Trainer and Human Rights, activist and advocator has stated in one of her interviews, “I found out that tolerance means to put up with or allow me to be. I don’t need your allowance. And I don’t need to be tolerated. I want to be valued, recognized, and appreciated. We’ve got to change it from tolerance because the powerful can tolerate, the powerless have to wait to be tolerated.”[6]

Credit for the picture: Nicholas Swatz, pexels.com

I am concluding my narrative, with a reference to another source connected to tolerance, that was not only enlightening to my reflective journey on my personal attitudes towards diversity, but it was and still is an important asset for inclusively educating, learning, and unlearning. It is a tool that I am using in my educational programs with the youth to discuss, reflect, and re-evaluate the behaviors, which we act upon and receive from other people.

I am referring to the “Riddle scale”, (also known as Riddle scale of homophobia)[7], in which there are eight terms/values that characterize negative and positive levels of attitudes of homophobia, yet, it is also used to describe attitudes towards difference and people of diversity. On the negative part of the scale, the order from the lowest to the highest is repulsion, pity, tolerance, and acceptance. On the positive part, it continues similarly with support, admiration, appreciation, and nurturance, as the highest. We are all familiar with those attitudes one way or another, and we even express them towards our own selves, which is another story to cover.

Based on the Oxford definition of the word “nurture”, its first meaning is described as “to care for and protect somebody/something while they are growing and developing”. And it’s second meaning states “to help somebody/something to develop and be successful”. Nurturance within the scale context, “assumes that LGBTQIA+ people are indispensable in our society. People on this level view LGBTQIA+ people with genuine affection and delight, and are willing to be their allies and advocates.”

I believe this assumption and its realization is our breakthrough moment for dismantling systems of discrimination and oppression, that keep hurting our communities worldwide. A simple shift of our perspective from viewing another person as a threat to our existence, because of their gender identity, sexuality, skin color, national origin, or more, to actually “seeing” and nurturing them — is what our society needs at large — moving to a culture of nurturance, where no one is left behind and everybody gets a sit on the table to play their part in growing and developing our humanity in more sustainable ways.

Credit for the picture: Austin Cha, unsplash.com

Glossary Index

Definitions of some of the main terms used in the article, taken by the ILGA-EUROPE Glossary and the LGBTQIA Resource Center.

Sex: “The classification of a person as male or female. Sex is assigned at birth and written on a birth certificate, usually based on the appearance of their external anatomy and on a binary vision of sex which excludes intersex people. A person’s sex, however, is actually a combination of bodily characteristics including chromosomes, hormones, internal and external reproductive organs, and secondary sex characteristics.”

Gender identity: “Refers to each person’s deeply felt internal and individual experience of gender, which may or may not correspond with the sex assigned at birth, including the personal sense of the body (which may involve, if freely chosen, modification of bodily appearance or function by medical, surgical or other means) and other expressions of gender, including dress, speech, and mannerisms. Some people’s gender identity falls outside the gender binary, and related norms”

Transgender: An adjective used most often as an umbrella term and frequently abbreviated to “trans.” Identifying as transgender, or trans means that one’s internal knowledge of gender is different from conventional or cultural expectations based on the sex that person was assigned at birth. While transgender may refer to a woman who was assigned male at birth or a man who was assigned female at birth, transgender is an umbrella term that can also describe someone who identifies as a gender other than woman or man, such as non- binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, no gender or multiple genders, or some other gender identity.

Trans man: A person may choose to identify this way to capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as a transgender person.

Trans woman: A person may choose to identify this way to capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as a transgender person.

Genderfluid: A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.

Non-binary: A gender identity and experience that embraces a full universe of expressions and ways of being that resonate for an individual, moving beyond the male/female gender binary. It may be active resistance to binary gender expectations and/or intentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world. For some people who identify as non-binary, there may be overlap with other concepts and identities like gender expansive and gender non-conforming.

References

1. ILGA-Europe Glossary, terminology, (2015) https://www.ilga-europe.org/resources/glossary

2. Power ACTiON Booklet — Create, Act, Empower, (2018) https://pubhtml5.com/pzkz/aycu

3. Jane Elliot’s quote about tolerance, (2017) taken from an online video interview, given to Black Nouveau show, produced by Milwaukee PBS, part 2 of the interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJuG26-4XUQ&t=3s

4. The Riddle Scale (1973–1974), https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riddle_scale#:~:text=The%20Riddle%20scale%20(also%20known,discriminatory%20attitudes%20regarding%20sexual%20orientation.

and one of the many resources available online: http://sga.fsu.edu/safe_zone/PDF/The-Riddle-Scale-Handout.pdf

5. LGBTQIA Resource Center, (2020) https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary

References notes:

[1] Rework of the famous poem “Oh Captain, My Captain” (1865) by the American poet Walt Whitman.

[2] Sex: See the definition of the term at the Glossary Index.

[3] Gender identity: See the definition of the term at the Glossary Index.

[4] LGBTQIA+ Spectrum: The initials stand for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual and + (all other forms of sexual and gender expression). The initialism LGBTQIA+ emphasizes the diversity of sexuality and gender identities. When referring to LGBTQIA+ Spectrum, we acknowledge the wide range of aspects that relate to the term, such as community, culture, human rights, gender, and sexual diversity, social movements, etc. [Active Rainbow, Power ACTion Booklet]

[5] See the definition of those terms at the Glossary Index.

[6] This quote is taken from the online video interview that Jane Elliot gave at the Black Nouveau show in 2017 from Milwaukee PBS productions. I recently discovered in May 2020 this interview, while researching about anti-racism resources and the #Blacklivesmatter movement. [Find the link in the References section]

[7] The Riddle Scale is named after its creator, psychologist Dorothy Riddle. It was developed in 1973–1974 while she was overseeing research for the American Psychological Association Task Force on Gays and Lesbians. It was/is a psychometric scale that measured the degree to which a person is or is not homophobic. Riddle’s analysis was one of the first modern classifications of attitudes towards homosexuality. The scale since then has been adapted for educational purposes to describe a continuum of attitudes of any form of diversity.

Mini Bio of the Author

Cathy is a life explorer, a passionate learner, a dreamer-achiever, an initiator, a soul traveler, and a global citizen, a poet, and a Rainbow ACTor. Among her professional identities, already for the past 9 years, she is a devoted educator, a youth worker, a trainer, a facilitator, a project designer and writer, a mentor, a coach, and a Human Rights and LGBTQIA+ Spectrum activist and advocator. She is the proud Founder of the Active Rainbow Educational Platform since 2014, and the co-founder and one of the board members of its first organization in Latvia.