#21 __ party friends
Tags: Music, Clubs, Dance, Nightlife, Party

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name

As I’m walking up, I see a few familiar faces outside and my night has immediately started off with warm hugs and smiles. Once I’m inside, I find the whole place is on fire. All the techno heads are here and nobody’s sitting — they’re rocking out on the dance floor to one of the city’s best underground DJs. It’s 11pm on Monday at Bossa.

The bartenders know me and I don’t even have to say what I’m drinking: mate vodka. The taste, at this point, is inseparable from the sensation of being bombarded with sound and covered in sweat. I’m a bit tired, but with the first sip I’m brought to life and now I’m on the party’s wavelength. Ten minutes later I’m losing my shit front and center on the dance floor. The DJ is my friend. The person behind me, to my left, to my right — all friends.

This is home.

When I first started going out, I was alone and knew no one. A dozen parties in, I never saw the same person twice. There were, after all, hundreds of people coming and going every night.

It was a daunting experience, but when I chased the sounds I loved most, patterns began to emerge. Familiar silhouettes and memorable movements gradually evolved into names and faces I came to expect. When I saw them, I knew I was in the right place. Their taste was my taste. I didn’t know anything about them except that they clearly loved these experiences as much as I did. I’m reminded of a quote from High Fidelity.

What really matters is what you like, not what you are like — books, records, films — these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth.

Some of these people I’ve seen dozens of times but we’ve never had a conversation. I know their names vicariously through social media, but I feel no need to force the matter. We’ll meet when we meet.

Others are greeted with hugs and brief exchanges of small talk. When did you get here? How was that party last weekend? Where are you on Friday? It almost has the cadence of office small talk, like discussing traffic or the weather, a way of measuring the pulse of the night and the community at large.

Much of the time, the conversation never goes deeper; you swap pleasantries and carry on. But perhaps one night you find them sitting alone and suddenly this typically surface-level interaction blossoms into an hour-long confessional exploring family drama, sexuality, and trauma. You might never discuss these things again, but that one conversation establishes a deep appreciation that brings out big smiles and long hugs every time you see them afterwards.

Other times, it’s a slow burn. With each night’s conversation, you dig a little deeper and find more things in common, gradually surfaced by the different vibes at each consecutive party. You develop a shared party history, comparing and contrasting each night with past events, developing a deeper understanding of each other’s passions and tendencies.

Then there are the one-night stands of friendship. People you bond deeply with that are visiting from a distant land. You’ll spend the whole night with them, side-by-side on the dance floor, taking shifts to fetch water and mate to keep each other alive. You know you’ll never see them again, and this fuels an honesty and frankness not often found among the local veterans of the scene that typically keep their guard up.

Party friendships are unlike any relationship I’ve known previously. There is a strange dichotomy — they are warmer and more loving than what I know with many friends and acquaintances, yet they are ephemeral and transient because it’s built on an active love for these experiences. People come and go from the scene; tastes change, lifestyles evolve and mature.

Still, it all adds up to this sense of community, of safety, comfort, and delight. Sometimes I do miss the times when I never knew anyone — it’s a unique and thrilling experience — but I think I prefer these nights filled with endless series of familiar hugs and smiles from start to finish.

Thank you so much for reading.