How Rock Climbing Helped Me Face My Social Anxiety
By: Mary Andino
Tags: Health, Anxiety, Mental Health, Fitness, Climbing

How Rock Climbing Helped Me Face My Social Anxiety

Putting mental and physical health together

I have always been envious of those people who make friends easily; you know, the ones who walk into a party full of strangers like it’s no big deal. They seem to navigate any and every social situation with ease, floating through on their charm and charisma. Sadly, I have never been one of those people. Being in a room with people I do not know produces nothing but fear and anxiety; I want to hide in the corner or just see if there is a pet around to hang out with. As I entered my 20s, I needed and desired friendship with others, but my self-doubt, anxiety, and introverted character often proved too difficult to overcome.

College is a time where people often meet life-long friends. That was never the case for me; I had such a hard time breaking into any type of social group. After college, making friends became even more challenging. How do you begin to meet and connect with people when there is no longer a campus full of your peers? I tried Meetup and Bumble BFF, but without success. In both cases, the people I met on these friend seeking apps were perfectly nice, but they did not seem invested in making any kind of real connection. When it comes to friendship, I prefer quality over quantity. I’d rather have one close friends than five so so friends. I never seemed to be able to engage with potential friends on apps; perhaps my anxiety or inability to open up got in the way. My efforts were further hampered by my inability to participate in one of the main social gatherings of 20 somethings: drinking and going to bars. Due to a medical condition, I was not able to engage in one of the classic and best ice-breakers. Mentioning my inability to consume alcohol also always seemed to bring weird glances, dismissive eye-rolls, or many inappropriately personal follow-up questions. By my mid-20s, I was resigned to the fact that I would never have that many close friends. I was just one of those people who was more of a social caterpillar than a social butterfly.

Enter rock climbing. I started bouldering when the pandemic lockdown lifted in my local area in June. I enjoyed the physical and mental challenge of it, analyzing different options to figure out how to finish a route. I also loved the ability to see tangible progress, as I advanced in difficulty of routes. When I first started regularly climbing at a gym, I tended to stay quiet and observe other climbers. I began to notice the social etiquette and atmosphere of the space. It was friendly, collegial, and helpful; climbers would happily talk to each other about different routes and how to best approach them. People who had never met seemed totally comfortable introducing themselves to each other and talking. This was a far cry from my experience at gyms in college, where men usually only talked to me to “mansplain” what I should be doing for my workouts. There was none of that “bro culture” or machismo in the climbing gym.

The more and more time I spent in the climbing gym, the more I wanted to participate in this kind of conversation. I felt terrified to do so, but I started chatting up fellow climbers at the gym, asking them questions about certain routes. It made me sick to my stomach initially, but it helped that whoever the stranger was, we automatically had something in common: climbing. I still felt awkward and weird, but it gradually became easier over time to introduce myself to new people. I know this sounds quite easy, almost trivial; yet, for me, it was a huge marker of personal growth.

Bouldering: an exercise for the body and the mind

One day, I decided to be even more bold- bold for me that is. I posted on the local climbing Facebook page what gym I climbed at and that I was interested in finding possible climbing partners. A guy responded, and after messaging him briefly (and establishing that he was not a potential serial killer), we made plans to meet up at our gym and climb together. I tried to reign in my expectations; maybe all this meeting would turn out to be was a one time type deal; maybe we would not click at all.

Fast forward a few months later, and he and I still regularly climb together. I definitely say we fall into the category of “friends.” I even joined a climbing league and formed a team with total strangers. Is this earth-shattering? No. Is it still a huge marker of personal progress? Definitely. I never thought I would find a world or space in which I felt comfortable enough to really put myself out there and meet new people. I am grateful to have found a supportive, friendly culture. Of course, climbing is not going to be everyone’s catalyst to challenge their social anxiety. I do believe that there is some special space out there for all of us, in which we will fill safe, welcome, and strong enough to move outside our comfort zones, step out of our introverted nature, and face our fears. Whatever the activity and environment, we all have the capability, through introspection and the process of trial and error, to discover the space that helps us challenge our anxieties. And that just may be on a rock wall.