It’s Okay to Date a Woman With Daddy Issues
By: Ms. Part Time Wino
Tags: Sexuality, Relationships, Women, Feminism, Dating

My father left my family when I was four years old.

As an only child, it was just my mom and me for about five years until she met my stepfather and remarried. He adopted me at the age of 11, and soon I had a new dad. The three of us were extremely happy together and continue to be close-knit even as I enter my mid-30s.

But when I was a teenager, I noticed that I was different than most of my friends.

I didn’t care about any of the boys in my high school. Instead, I fantasized about older men, like Hugh Grant (swoon) and Jim Carrey (lol but also swoon). I started giving blow jobs at age 13 and had sex with over ten men by the time I turned 20.

My college boyfriend knew about my family history and told me I was suffering from major Daddy Issues. At first, I was shocked. Suffering? No way that was me! I had an amazing family and an even more amazing stepfather. How could I have Daddy Issues?

And more importantly, if I did have them, why did he say it like it was such a bad thing?

My mind started to wander as questions filled my head. Is this why I like older men? Is this why I’m sexually promiscuous? Is this why I love being in a relationship.

Well, as it turns out, Daddy Issues isn’t just considered bad. It’s actually believed to be a hindrance. Women who “suffer” from Daddy Issues have unhealthy views of relationships, low self-worth, and addictively self-destructive tendencies.

And while that may be true for some women, it definitely doesn’t describe me. Nor many other women in a similar position.

So the question begs to be asked — why are men so hesitant to date these women?

Daddy Issues may be a label, but it certainly doesn’t indicate these types of negative behaviors. Because in my eyes, there are plenty of reasons why people should date a woman with Daddy Issues.

Because we strive to be better people

People who claim to have daddy Issues aren’t doing so to brag. Life is hard enough without society shoving down some half-assed excuse as to why we behave the way we do.

We may not be perfect, but we aren’t victims.

Sure, our father may have disappeared. And okay, we’ll admit that we might have some quirky traits. But hey — we’re still here, aren’t we? We’ve survived those traumas and lived to talk about them.

And each day, we’ll continue to put our best foot forward to overcome the reputation of what it means to have Daddy Issues. We’re not sitting back and letting our problems define us. We’re taking control and making our lives better.

Because sexual experimentation and curiosity are great

One night, I brought home a man I recently met at a bar. After having sex, he rolled over and jokingly asked, “Someone as wild as you must have some sort of Daddy Issues, right?”

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. In our society, women constantly struggle with balancing innocence with experience. If we’re too inexperienced, we’re prude. But if we’re sexually liberated, we’re whores. Or at least dealing with some major Daddy Issues as my one night stand suggested.

Criticizing a woman for being comfortable with her body (and comfortable expressing herself through sex) is shameful. A healthy and positive outlook about sex is something we should all strive to have.

Because validation is normal in relationships

One of the biggest complaints about dating a woman with Daddy Issues is the idea that these women need constant validation in their relationships. Apparently, all they want is to be told they’re beautiful, loved, and admired.

But seriously — who doesn’t?

When did treating a partner with respect become a framework for an unhealthy relationship? I know plenty of people, male and female, who like to be told they are desirable.

Of course, there’s a fine line of validation that teeters between normal and unhealthy, but simply wanting validation is perfectly acceptable.

Because we’re normal people who deserve love

The next time I hear, “She has Daddy Issues — don’t bother,” I’m gonna punch that jerk in the throat.

Every person on this planet deserves to experience love. We may not be the easiest people to deal with. We may not fit the molds of what you would normally expect from a partner. And we certainly may have our fair share of baggage dragging behind us.

But to some extent, doesn’t everyone?

So let’s stop talking about Daddy Issues like it’s a bad thing. It has far less to do with someone’s personality than it does about women's social reputation.

And remember — anyone can have Daddy Issues. Men, women, children of divorce, children born out of wedlock, children from supposedly healthy families. There are no reasons (besides social and cultural ones) why we perceive females to be the only ones who have these problems.

And additionally, anyone can enter a troubled relationship. I don’t think there’s a single person in my phonebook who hasn’t dated at least one problematic person. It isn’t just people with Daddy Issues who suffer from choosing the wrong partners.

So the next time you think a girl has Daddy Issues, take a step back and ask yourself what that really means. Because chances are — that preconceived notion will have nothing to do with who she is as a person.