Can men and women truly be platonic friends?
By: Shamontiel L. Vaughn
Tags: Singles, Relationships, Platonic Love, Friendship, Dating

When men and women ‘entertain’ the idea of true friendship

Going back to the “Marriage Bootcamp” example, I’ve interviewed a fair share number of entertainers. They are surrounded by fans who cannot wait to make eye contact with them, talk to them, hug them and/or undress them. From an entertainment reporter’s perspective, it’s interesting to just observe a meet-and-greet session. Something about fame makes people get diarrhea of the mouth and start saying all kinds of things that they’d never say to an everyday person.

Photo credit: Nappy/Pexels

Entertainment reporters are no angels either. I have definitely had to withhold my inner fan during at least four interviews from men I had long-standing crushes on. On the surface, I played it cool. In my head, I was the meet-and-greet fan. Almost all of my interviews ended up published while a few ended up in a “maybe later” pile to be published elsewhere or not at all (usually the PR rep was to blame).

But I distinctly recall one particular entertainer who I thought was absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t even control my mouth from smiling when I saw him. I recognized him from an extremely popular TV series and thought he was cute long before his PR team reached out to me for an interview. I was completely professional during our Q&A. When the interview was over and I stopped the tape recorder, he flirted with me and I flirted right back. I noticed his manager kept getting on and off the tour bus while we talked, but I never thought much of it.

It wasn’t until he told me his manager was his wife that the tour bus spying made far more sense. My demeanor changed considerably. All the flirting went out of the window, and we shook hands afterward. Even when I heard a hint of flirting (or a compliment about an outfit or my face) in follow-up interviews, I always “didn’t hear” them. I wished him the best in his career (which is quite successful), and from that point forward, any further contact was as non-flirtatious as possible. If he was not married, it would’ve been far less talking, lots more proving. I won’t even attempt to deny that. But the minute I heard a relationship status change, that was all I needed to hear. His wife is a lovely woman, and breaking up happy homes is not my style. Finito. We could neva eva eva eva eva be “friends.”

Why jealousy from significant others gets in the way of friendship

I’ve been on the other end of an “entertainment” relationship. I dated a rapper once. I give the utmost respect to all the wives and girlfriends who have managed to make relationships like these work. It’s not for me. After a few months, I parted ways with the guy I was dating. I failed completely at following Dr. Ish’s advice.

While I’d like to consider myself someone who is not jealous, my personality and love language — Quality Time and Physical Touch — are in direct competition with someone who lives a touring life. Because I know that struggle first-hand, I would never dare to be the obstacle in any other woman’s way — especially not an entertainer’s. Trying to befriend someone you started off being interested in dating just seems like an unnecessary source of frustration. Why do that to yourselves?

Is it possible for a significant other to feel comfortable with her husband (or wife) on the road or hanging out with a friend? Yes. Absolutely. But it’s highly recommended to befriend that significant other as much — if not more — than the “friend.” Otherwise, you two will constantly be accused of fooling around — even if you’re totally not into him. (And in my case, and to my astonishment, it still happened.)

Are we naive to believe that men and women can be friends?

Every blue moon when I befriend a guy — whether it is a colleague, a contractor or a neighbor — I will sometimes ponder on the “naive” accusation. My godfather, who is married, was in my parents’ wedding. And my parents will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary next month. While you will never convince me that men and women cannot be friends, especially when there’s proof right in front of me and my father is clearly cool with my godfather, this isn’t a cut-and-dry “yes” or “no” answer.

If you two are not into each other physically, mentally or sexually, you two can be friends for life. But if you have any interest at all in your “friend,” you’d have to be a glutton for punishment to watch him (or her) date or marry someone while you’re thinking, “It should have been me.” In real life, the Dwayne Waynes of the world who run into a crowd of family members and bust up a wedding get jumped. (That episode of “A Different World” will always be legendary status, won’t it?) While I’d strongly recommend keeping your distance if your heart strings are pulled every single time this “friend” walks in a room, if you can avoid that, friendzone away!