This Is Imperfect
By: Cameron Stumpf
Tags: Imperfection, Writing, Growth, Beginning, Vulnerability

So, it’s been a couple of years since I’ve written on here. After two or three articles, I gave up because (a) I didn’t think I was getting enough engagement and (b) I thought I was too busy with college.

I’m pretty good at coming up with excuses.

But did you see that? Apparently, I still have a penchant for writing a bit and then starting a new line with something witty or catchy or relatable or [insert whatever here]. For the record, I don’t even know where this is going. I just sat down and started typing and, truth be told, I just got back from a walk where it was multiple-layer-cold outside and my body has yet to adapt to the single-layer-warmth inside. My brain is scattered. Who am I. What is this.

Two years ago, this would have terrified me. I spent all week on each of those articles I actually published on here. I needed them to be perfect. Everything was high stakes. Hot take: screw that.

To be honest, I just wanted an aesthetic photo to include.

In the past two years, I’ve learned and grown a good deal. And one thing I learned is that you CANNOT wait to start until you know you’ll be flawless and successful. Well, I guess you can wait. But you’ll be waiting for a good long while.

Now, I firmly believe that there is value in starting when you don’t have everything together. When you could fail. When you know you’ll fail. When you’re vulnerable and imperfect. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I’d much rather fail while doing something I love and value than never start at all. And you know what? Even that sentence didn’t feel perfect to me. It didn’t have that touch of something-something that makes it feel snappy and pithy.

That’s. The. Point.

Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy! I heard Mrs. Frizzle say that a million times when I was younger but I lost that spirit. I’m claiming it once again.

I think a lot. I do. And I’m starting to remember how powerful it can be to think on paper. Or, well, through keys. So, I’m writing on Medium again. I don’t know what about. I just know that I will be doing it and I will be enjoying it.

Will anyone read this? Perhaps, but that’s not even the entire point. Not to sound selfish or anything, but I’m writing here first for me. I enjoy writing. I learn from writing. I like to look back on my writing. Is that not enough?

That said, I have just enough pride to think that maybe, just maybe, someone may benefit from my thoughts. Or even better, they may think back! And then we can think together! For that reason, I decided to throw my thoughts out onto this platform.

If I can be selfish for another moment, this is also an exercise in vulnerability. It’s more anxiety-provoking for me to think my thoughts on here and then hit that publish button than it is to do the same thing on a Google Doc that no one will see. But my vulnerability here also opens up a world of growth opportunities, freedom, and accountability. I think that’s worth a little worry.

This all sounds a little cheesy, not gonna lie. But critical-thinking moment: What’s wrong with cheese? I had Kraft Mac & Cheese White Cheddar Shells for dinner tonight and it was BOMB. Don’t let other people tell you that you can’t enjoy cheese.

Moral of the story: This is imperfect. I am imperfect.

I’m not waiting passively to be my ideal anymore. I’m leaning into what I am now and fumbling my way to what I can be.