Are You Owned by Yourself or by Someone Else?
By: Katarzyna Orłow
Tags: Relationships, Breakups, Changes In Life, Love, Abuse

You can always let go of a relationship, even if you’ve spent years on it. It is important to know what you want out of life. And sometimes what you don’t want.

Sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes, attachment, habit, adoration of routine, peace and stability are also not enough. There are times when the material is so worn and tired that each person in the relationship must go their own way in order to survive. There are cases when you know this from the start. It’s much harder when you invest a lot of time, energy and commitment. So much that at the end there is nothing left to keep trying.

Are there easy breakups? They probably exist, it depends on which side you’re on. Although I do not agree that it is always easier for the person who makes the decision. Sometimes the realization that the possibilities are over and it’s time to stop trying is the hardest part. What follows depends on the emotional maturity of the other party and awareness of what problems have been along the way in the relationship.

Perhaps the most important thing is to know that you never own another person, although we often think so.

I have always been an enemy of any form of the idea of ​​having the right to another human being. And I don’t mean that I am against the institution of marriage, because I am not. The point is, whether people have a signed paper or a word promise to confirm their feelings, there are dozens of things along the way that can change. Because change is the only certainty.

Changes in our environment, situation or in ourselves affect who we are and what we want from life. Ignoring something so obvious is naivety. You can change together and with full awareness of the inevitability of evolution, while adapting to each other all the time. But it can also be a change what we know what we don’t want and what we are wrong with.

There are relationships that we care so much about that we may not see for years that by holding onto them we are hurting ourselves. As with holding something heavy on a rope, the tighter it is tightened around the arms, the more it sticks to the body and hurts. I try to avoid expressing that everything that looks like this is the result of toxic systems in which one person is the abuser and the other the victim. Sometimes it is a situation where both people try equally hard, but their mutual feelings are not enough to avoid misunderstandings, conflicts and fights.

All forms of economic dependence, social pressure or a sense of duty when it comes to an emotional relationship with another human being in the long run lead to some kind of pathology. This affects the atmosphere at home and the mental health of family members. The line between whether we give up too easily or try too hard is very thin and is somewhat different for everyone. Because everyone has different limits of endurance.

For one person, some abuses will be violence, for another, simply something done out of love. However, the moment someone decides they have had enough, it cannot be judged from the outside.

Once, when I read about victims of domestic violence, both mental and physical, I thought that I would never let that happen. Today I know how much your point of view changes when you love someone who hurts you. How much can be done just to make it succeed. Each subsequent concession, justified by feeling towards the other person, seems to be the latter. For fear of loss, change or failure, you can be stuck in systems that seem sick from the outside.

No, I never saw myself as a victim, and even looking back, I didn’t change my mind. However, as of today I know that at some point you simply exhaust yourself. And it doesn’t matter how much someone promises you, changes or apologizes. Even if you believe it, you just don’t have the heart for it anymore. As simple as that. Some part of a person dies when one has given so much away. And there is no way back or way to get that part back. You are a different person, you understand better, and what you most want in the world is peace, tranquillity and compatibility of what you do with what you feel.

You can’t make another person love you. I know people who are with each other because of credit, children or peace of mind, because it’s supposed to be easier. I understand it and do not judge it. However, such an arrangement can work with mutual respect and acceptance of a situation in which the lack of love is only an inconvenience. In any other situation where there is coercion, harassment or poisoning another person’s life, it doesn’t matter how much you have in common, but how many separate you.

When the atmosphere at home, peace and rising children or the ability to sleep the whole night after a hard day are at stake, you need to be able to let go of something that is too heavy to carry. Because in a relationship, we should support each other, not pull down. Even if you can lift more than the others, it is sometimes good to consider what you really want. Knowing that you have one life, can you can look in the mirror and say to yourself: “it’s still worth it”?

If not, let it go. It will be fine.