How Forgiveness Can Earn You Lifelong Friendship
By: Andreas Köckeis
Tags: Beyourself, Harmony, Inner Peace, Friendship, Forgiveness

How Forgiveness Can Earn You Lifelong Friendship

Source: Andreas Köckeis

It was an icy, rainy December. What began as a beautiful, almost magical summer ended in the darkest winter.

2015 was a year full of changes for me. Finally out of school. The first piercings, the first tattoo. Even more noticeable than the outer modifications, however, were the numerous changes inside of me.

While the school days left my self-confidence and well-being damaged by grade pressure, bad teaching, and bullying, I literally blossomed shortly after graduation. My self-confidence increased. I began to develop a character. Created a purpose for my life and a vision. Not overnight, of course, but the speed of change increased from day to day.

Every week there were different events and parties. I gathered a lot of great experiences and a lot of interesting contacts. On top of that, I received a letter of acceptance from my favorite university. Everything went simply fabulous.

But the peak of euphoria was represented by a special person: my first great love. For the first time in my life, I felt how it is to be really in love. And even more: how it feels when this love is returned with the same intensity. You are almost completely dazed by all the neurotransmitters. The colors of the world are radiant like never before. Everything seems to smile at you. Everything is love. There are probably only a few stronger highs.

But as it is often the case in life, this high was only of limited duration. At the beginning of December, the contact with her began to break off rapidly. Without warning, she moved to two friends we knew from a party and she hardly spoke to me anymore. Our meetings were postponed time and again. For weeks I was unsure how things would go on. The uncertainty gnawed on me.

Probably this change was not so sudden. Perhaps there were signs. After all, it was anything but an easy time in her life. But I did not notice any of the signs in my endorphin rush, which now ended abruptly. The radiant colors had gone like in a cold withdrawal. I could hardly sleep, barely eat, rarely think about something else. Anxiety and depression haunted me. The situation almost drove me out of my mind.

I have to admit: It is quite impressive how much something like a failed romantic relationship can pull us into the abyss.

The End. For Real.

Especially one of the two guys she had moved in with supported me during this time. He built me up and at least gave me the feeling of still being in contact with her a little bit.

And shortly before New Year’s Eve, he confessed to me: She had cheated on me. With him. And others. Even if it was not unexpected, this news hit me hard again. Not at least because I did not hear it from her herself.

She had probably only used her new roommate as a diversion. He was psychologically hardly better off than I was. In a certain way, we were even connected by this suffering. He honestly regretted his deed and apologized to me over and over again.

Finally, I forgave him for what he had done. A step that would prove to be a great enrichment for my life.

I probably didn’t blame anyone for the situation I found myself in. If anything, I was devastated by the fact that I apparently didn’t see how hopeless and complicated the situation must have been for my girlfriend at the time.

Either way, I didn’t want another person to feel worse because of my hatred. Besides, I probably wouldn’t have had the strength to take out my frustration on someone else.

The Aftermath

The emotions of the relationship faded after a while. The acquaintance I forgave at that time, however, became a friend. Even one of my best friends to this day. Maybe one of my best friends for the rest of my life.

To show a person that you do not abandon him or her despite his or her mistakes creates a strong bond. On the side of the forgiven person, the relationship is strengthened by gratitude and relief, on the side of the forgiving person by the resulting peace of mind.

But not always something new grows out of forgiveness.

Sometimes there are situations in life where a person has caused so much suffering to one’s self that forgiving is hardly an option. However, it need not be a sign of unselfishness and goodness to forgive the other person for his or her actions. If I can’t forgive a person for his or her own sake, then at least to find peace with the situation.

Indeed there were also situations in my life in which it was much harder for me to forgive another person. It always helps me to think myself into the situation of the other person. To accept their mistakes. To recognize their humanity. To finally let go of the pain in my own interest. This way I can make the best out of the situation and look ahead.

As a result, this dark winter also had a happy end.

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