She was pimped and abused by her boyfriend while he lead a double life
By: E.B. Johnson
Tags: Relationships, Mental Health, Interview, Sex, Abuse

by: E.B. Johnson

“Never trust a man in a hat. They’re trying to hide their thoughts.” — Grandmother Dupra

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last two years, then you’ve heard of Lydia Dupra, the viral phenomenon, sugar baby and adult film star who took the world by storm with her one-of-a-kind brand of advice and cosmetics for sex workers and the empowered woman.

Lydia — whose stage name is Melina Mason — rocketed to viral fame after posting a one-year posthumous tribute to her sugar daddy (Brad); a man who Lydia described as providing her with an “incredibly toxic relationship”, as well as a number of paranormal experiences that helped to bolster her newfound mainstream fame and recognition.

Now retired from the life of adult film and escort work, Lydia has made it her mission to help other sex workers navigate the challenges of building their own brands and careers. Releasing books, apps, and even her own mentoring programs — Lydia Dupra has helped hundreds of women successfully work through the pitfalls, risks and hardships of getting into sex work, and has provided a number of them with opportunities to grow as individuals and shape their own lives.

This is not to say, however, that she is immune to heartbreak, or the insidious behaviors of narcissists, just like the rest of us. As a matter of fact, after the recent ending of her 7.5 year relationship — Lydia Dupra found out that she had been just that…the victim of a narcissist who had abused her and pimped her out in order to take advantage of the things that she could offer him.

This is the story of Derrick Pierce. The narcissist who would change Lydia’s life in some of the best and worst possible ways.

Setting the scene.

The narcissists game is a subtle one, and one that happens at a glacial pace. They creep into our lives delicately, and sweep us off our feet with grand gestures of love that mask intentions that are anything but loving. Narcissists lure their victims in with comfort and security, and then drain them for every last ounce of physical essence that they possess.

As with all narcissistic abuse, Derrick’s assault on Lydia began slowly, and it began with creating a sense of need.

When Lydia met Pierce at 21, she was working with LA Direct Models in Los Angeles — a talent agency (founded by Derek Hay) for adult performers.

Already an experienced hand in the adult industry, Dupra began her journey as a cam girl before masterminding a path to a top adult talent agency. Eventually, she set out on her own successful entrepreneurial path, which included both luxury escorting and a successful series of books, apps, websites and mentoring services for other sex workers.

Derrick Pierce (Image by: Lydia Dupra)

Lydia Dupra was someone who already had a hand firmly in reality when she met the man that would completely disjoint her life. She was not new to the world of sex work, and she wasn’t new to the types of man that prowled around the outskirts looking for victims to take advantage of.

The working relationship Dupra shared with LA Direct Models was one that was fraught with pain, abuse, and exploitation, and it provided the perfect opportunity for Derrick Pierce (a professed enemy to Direct Models’ founder, Hay) to swoop in and target Dupra.

“It was so perfect that he wanted to rescue me. And I genuinely felt rescued,” Dupra said in one of her recent YouTube videos, describing the event. “He made me feel really safe…he gave me the confidence and the support to get out of that situation.”

Derrick — real name, Darrell Dupra; a powerful motivator, black belt and gym entrepreneur — played up to these feelings, and pried deeper into the heart of who Lydia was. He masked his first steps behind a knight-in-shining armor routine and blinded her with an increasing sense of dependence. Derrick Pierce was a hero to Lydia (or so she thought) and he was determined to play up to that role as long as it suited him.

With Pierce’s support, Dupra freed herself of LA Models Direct and set out on a path that she believed was her own. In reality, however, she was moving in the shadow of a narcissist who had different plans for their future in mind.

Creating that sense of need.

After moving as the catalyst behind her split with Derek Hay and LA Direct Models, Pierce provided Lydia with a number of contacts, and presented himself as a man of means and a man with connections. He made it clear that he was someone who could empower her in a new city, and make it possible for her to become her own person.

To someone with a history as fraught and haunted as Dupra’s, it was an offer that was too good to abandon.

“I saw him as a real grown-up,” Lydia tells her supporters. “He showed interest in me and that was so valuable, because I had never had that. My mom neglected me. My dad abused me. My stepdad abused me…I never had that before him.”

Derrick exploited this need in Lydia and slowly undermined her self-esteem by making her more and more reliant on him. He impressed Lydia — who was new to Los Angeles — with an array of contacts, and a (seemingly)high-ranking connection with the movers and shakers of the scene.

Derrick and Lydia (Image by: Lydia Dupra)

Pierce supplied her with real estate agents, personal trainers, and even fitness regimes and career advice. He was handsome, and he was powerful. He gave the impression that he could do it all. Be it all. Anything he needed to create the idea that he was the most powerful person in her life; anything to reaffirm the delusion

Though she was already a successful working adult actress, Pierce encouraged Lydia to push for more — on his terms and through his contacts. He pushed her into real estate, and he pushed her into succeeding as a high-class escort, despite his previous attempts to “rescue” her from the clutches of Derek Hay. Their relationship intensified, but with it so did Derrick’s machinations. While he claimed he was making her life better, her self-esteem was dwindling all the time.

It didn’t take long for the cracks to begin to show…

The slow descent into madness.

Once Pierce had Dupra away from her former career and the people she had known and worked with, he began to moveher in the direction of his own desires. A professional Dom by trade, the two entered into a dominant-submissive relationship which provided Lydia with a sense of comfort and stability. Little-by-little, the facade gave in and the real Derrick began to reveal himself.

“I saw the signs early on, but I was kind of living in denial,” Dupra says. “Our relationship was very Bonnie and Clyde. He was the only person that I trusted.”

Having established a place of need in her life, Derrick began the next step in his exploitation of Dupra. As Lydia’s reliance on him increased, Pierce began to push the boundaries. Slowly at first, and then more urgently. It began with small loans, or the occasional forgetting of a wallet. It wasn’t long until it spiraled into much bigger demands, however.

Now on the hook, it came down to Lydia to provide Derrick with cars, jewelry and even a same-day security deposit payment on a home that was for him — and him alone.

He pulled away from Lydia emotionally but demanded more of her at the same time. From big houses to outrageous loans, Derrick worked Dupra even as he disappeared for days at a time, emotionally pulled back from her, or punished her with angry and emotional outbursts. Over the course of their relationship, he took more than $1 million USD from Lydia; claiming the money was for business expenses and new startup ideas.

When he was questioned about his behaviors, the use of the money, or his treatment of her, Pierce would turn on Dupra and gaslight her in ways that pushed her to her mental breaking point.

The perfect relationship that had once made Lydia so safe, was beginning to become a perfect nightmare.

“There were many times when he disappeared for more than a day…I was worried about him. But it was always like, ‘Hey, I didn’t have cell phone reception…’ or ‘Oh, I’m with the boys…’ Just weak excuses that I had no choice but to believe.”

The more that Dupra questioned him, the further Pierce would pull away from her. As a narcissist confronted with the knowledge that his game had been discovered, it made it even more imperative that he flip the game on her.

As Derrick pulled away, Lydia became even more determined to prove herself to him. “He’s just insecure,” she told herself. “He needs the validation of other women.”

She worked harder to be the only woman Pierce would need validation from, going so far as to earn $90,000 in one night — which had still not been enough to impress the increasingly distant Derrick. Something was wrong, but Lydia couldn’t prove it and couldn’t get Pierce to admit it either. Instead of insisting on answers, she turned the blame inward.

“At that point, I started prioritizing my love for him over everything else — even myself.”

Caught in his clutches, Lydia was being plucked on a string as planned by narcissistic Pierce. Withdrawing emotionally, he played on her sense of worth and began to ask so much of her that it pushed her to the brink physically, mentally, emotionally and even financially.

He pushed Dupra to make more money, and to progress further in a career that she wasn’t always comfortable pursuing. Lydia began to crack, and was even forced to seek the support of mental health professionals and medication — medication whose sole intention was to help her deal with the stress and the pressure being placed on her daily by the man who was supposed to love her.

Lydia and Derrick (Image by: Lydia Dupra)

When this too was unable to stop the endless gaslighting and confusion, she even took out a life insurance policy and eased herself into an overdose in order to satisfy his demands for the money she could no longer tolerate making through escorting.

The excuses, the lies, and the disappearances continued. Lydia continued to push herself and loan Derrick money, even as their relationship fizzled out. In December 2018, she left him and began to look forward to a new life on her own — despite his request of a $100,000 loan (which she agreed to on promise of reconciliation). She still loved Pierce, and she still wanted the best for him. Even if that wasn’t with her.

“I was grateful for the role that he played in my life, even though it didn’t end well,” Dupra recounts, looking back at their breakup more than a year after the fact. She didn’t regret the experiences that they had shared together, but that all disappeared when she discovered his double life…and the child he had been hiding behind her back.

Waking up.

Even after all the lies and all the heartbreak — Lydia had still been unable to see Derrick for what he was or what he was doing to her. She loved him and appreciated the gifts he had brought to her life. She appreciated the knowledge he had shared with her, and the drive and ambition that he had inspired in her at times too.

That all changed, however, when she confirmed that he had fathered a child with another woman behind her back.

Quickly, and without question, the blind was ripped from Dupra’s eyes and she was forced to wake up to the reality of her relationship with Pierce.

One afternoon, Lydia received a phone call from a realtor that she had been introduced to through Pierce. They were working on a property, and Dupra was happy to hear from him — until he brightly exclaimed the words that ripped the bottom out of her world.

“Congratulations, hon. I didn’t know you were pregnant!” he exclaimed. Lydia’s heart dropped.

In confusion, Dupra listened as the unwitting acquaintance described the birth announcement and the betrayal that was too big to be imagined. When Derrick was confronted with the information, he brushed it off as the part of a “gift registry” story — and a perpetuated misunderstanding that just wouldn’t go away.

He had made the registry for a friend, Pierce claimed, and there was in fact no child of his. Dupra took his word, but she was confronted again and again with the same story until it was clear that the rumors were too much to deny.

Derrick and Lydia (Image by: Lydia Dupra)

The man that she had given her time, her love and even her money had betrayed in her the greatest possible way. The man that had once protected her, opened up to her — this man had been leading a secret life, one which contained a secret family and a child that was not hers (despite multiple conversations about starting a family together).

It was the knife in the back that she had not expected, but it was the one that had opened her eyes. Their entire relationship had been an illusion. A lie that had been orchestrated by a master manipulator. A man that had exploited her for his own desires had played Lydia Dupra — The Heaux Mentor and HBIC. Once again she had become the victim of a narcissistic abuser and had her world shattered by a man that was more coward than lion.

It was the ultimate betrayal, but not one that was going to stop the mission that she had: to help other women avoid the pain and hardship that she herself had already managed to navigate.

Coming out on the other side.

Embitterment. Fear. Regret. What were Lydia’s emotions on the other side of the door that had now been opened? How can anyone feel when they’re awoken to the fact that the person they’ve committed their lives to isn’t the person they expected them to be?

“When I found out about that baby…I realized he never cared about our relationship. It showed that he had absolutely no respect for me…To me, it doesn’t feel like a real relationship. It feels like it was a grand illusion to profit off of me and control me.”

Even more than a year after their inevitable split, the discoveries and revelations about Derrick continued to roll in, as women on social media (and even in business meetings) opened up about their experiences and relationships with Lydia’s ex. Each of them had been with Derrick; all of them bore stories similar to hers. There was no end to the betrayals; no end to the lies.

As Lydia’s life and career continued to bloom, the lies continued to reveal themselves.

It was through these revelations — as well as her work in mentoring — that Lydia began to connect the dots and see similar patterns to pimping and abuse that Derrick was exhibiting. Despite all her knowledge and years of experience, she had fallen victim and become prey to a man who had left a trail of broken women across Los Angeles (and beyond).

“Maybe I was preaching about it so hard because it was happening to me,” Lydia tells her viewers in earnestness.

Free of Derrick’s influence, she was now able to see him for what he was. Physically gone and emotionally gone, he had been cheating on her for years and using her for the physical and financial opportunities she could offer him.

The years of lies, subterfuge, and rumors made sense. In the blink of an eye, all the stories and the loans and the endless gaslighting clicked for Dupra — the woman who had saved so many others from falling into the trap of exploitation.

She was the victim of narcissistic abuse, and she had been for nearly a decade. Dupra had been taken advantage of by a man who wasn’t worth the dirt it took to make him.

Like so many other men before him, not only was Derrick Pierce not the man he had promised himself to be — he was a father with a secret life, and a laundry list of betrayals. A man who took far more than he ever gave to anyone. A man who didn’t know the meaning of true love. It was a turning point for Lydia, and one she had to embrace as a part of the journey.

“I can tell you what,” she promised her fans. “It will never happen again.”

Knowing the signs of narcissistic abuse.

Though she was only able to realize it in the wake of her heartbreak, what Dupra experienced was textbook narcissistic abuse. “He never hit me. He never put a hand on me,” Lydia acknowledges. But that doesn’t make the damage any less real than that of physical abuse. When you find yourself in the clutches of a narcissistic abuser, they can destroy your life and the way you see the world. The only way to get free is to take a step back and look at their behavior for what it really is, and what it’s really doing to you.

It’s all about them

Even though she didn’t realize it initially, the relationship that Lydia and Derrick shared was entirely based on his desires and his needs. Everything he encouraged her to do, was to benefit him. Everything he suggested was in his best interest — not hers. That’s because narcissists believe the world revolves around them. Only their feelings are important; only their needs take priority. Everything is about them, and the minute it isn’t? They pull away, terrorize, or turn against you and everything you’ve built with them. If your world isn’t entirely about the narcissist, then they won’t allow you to remain in their vicinity long.

Losing sight of yourself

Narcissist only see value in their own light, so through their machinations they force us to lose touch with our own light. Derrick told Lydia that he was the one that rescued her, and that she needed him to become the best possible version of herself. Little by little, this created the idea that her identity was dependent on him; that she could only be good through him. This caused her to lose sight of herself at times, and the things she genuinely wanted from her life. She chased him and the things he wanted, rather than looking to herself and her own happiness and wellbeing.

Walking on eggshells

There is nothing a narcissist hates more than being questioned, and there’s nothing more they hate than being confronted. When a narcissist is faced with their faults, it can lead to an escalation of emotion and dangerous territory where their relationships are concerned. Each time Derrick was confronted, he made it so emotionally uncomfortable for Lydia (or retreated from her so brutally) that she soon learned not to question him or the things he did and said. She wasn’t even allowed to call him by his real name. A relationship with a narcissist is a relationship spent walking on eggshells and looking out for the pitfalls of your volatile partner.

Gaslighting

Narcissists live in a world in which they are always right and everyone else is always wrong. They cannot tolerate being confronted with their flaws, and they cannot tolerate being confronted when they are doing wrong. Just as Derrick turned on Lydia each time she asked him about his missing time or accusations, the narcissist turns on everyone they love — going so far as to gaslight them, and turn them inwardly against themselves. They will force you to question who you are and even force you to question your own reality.

Endless excuses

The narcissist will always have excuses, but you will always know in your gut when they aren’t being honest with you. The lies they tell you will be convenient, they will be believable. They might even have an alibi. But there is no denying the truth, and there is no denying reality with it etched clearly on the wall. When someone disappears for days — there’s a reason. When they stop calling — it’s because they don’t want to. The narcissist will baffle you with lies and excuses, however, and mask their behaviors with any story they can conjure up.

Finding the light.

Sadly, men like Derrick Pierce are not rare in the industry — nor are they rare in the world at large. Sit down with any woman that you know, and she will have a “Derrick” in her life (or know of one in the life of a girlfriend). The permanent man-child. The disappointed son hiding behind an image of the person he could only imagine himself to be. They are in our boardrooms, our bedrooms and even waiting for us on the street.

Men like Derrick aren’t uncommon, yet the stories about them are. Their crimes happen every day; without question and with very little remark. Every day, women are broken (emotionally, physically and financially) by men like this. Why? Because we’re afraid. Women like you, and me, and Lydia — we’re afraid of these men, and we’re afraid that we’ll lose their love and with that the false-bottomed value they’ve created in us.

The only way to end the tyranny and the terror of men like Derrick Pierce is for each of us to step up and tell our stories about the men like him in our lives. The only way to ensure that our sisters and our daughters aren’t destroyed by monsters like Derrick is to ensure that it is safe for each of us to share our stories.

Darkness cannot exist where there is light.

When we share our stories, we make it possible to find justice. When we share our stories, we make it harder for narcissists like Derrick to hide. It is our responsibility — as women who are building a world for the women who will come next — to leave this place better than we found it. That means shining a light on the monsters and making it safe for our little girls to thrive.

Lydia Dupra has now made it her mission to share her story and help as many other women as she can see the signs of narcissistic abuse and exploitation. She wants to help you shine a light on your truth and escape the clutches of the men that are holding you back and keeping you small.

Speak up. Find someone you trust. Find somewhere you are safe. Tell your story. Whether you take a month, a week, or a decade to do it. Being isolated, being belittled, being made to feel as though you aren’t good enough…these are trademark signs of abuse.

Fight through the pain you’re feeling and find a way to shine a light on your truth.

You have sisters who are here for you in solidarity, and we will listen.

The time for monsters is up.

This is our age. And we’re going to take it.

© E.B. Johnson and Lydia Dupra 2020. All rights reserved.