Unintentionally Emotionally Abusive Guardians part 2- story of a victim
By: Amna Shoaib
Tags: Listening, Parenting, Mental Health, Human Behavior, Child Abuse

Note: the story is penned down as raw as possible from the victim’s narration therefore, excuse the language.

My mom took me to the therapist once and coincidentally there were two therapists at the time. I was straight up honest with everything I felt and you know how it ended up? They said I don’t need therapy. My mom does. And that I should monitor her meds and work with them to help her get better. I told my sister that and she got outrageous. She thought I pretended to be an ideal human and pinned it on mama even though they asked my mom about me first in front of me and my God what she said just made me want to run outside and cry. She was the reason my sister had anxiety attacks yet she pinned it on me even though she kept blaming my sister the entire time for something trivial (an argument my sisters had that resulted because I was crying on leaving my relatives :)) my baby sister ended up blaming herself for everything and that’s when this woman embraced her apology and told me what an ideal fucking daughter she is. The middle one has always been on her side. She prefers to play safe.

Well I’m the eldest one. So yes. Unfortunately I’ve been exposed to my hostile parents the most. The family drama I had to endure to get an internship (which is mandatory), to hang out with my female friends (I’ve never hung out with my male friends who’re hardly any and those who are, are way younger) my sisters didn’t have to face any of that. My middle sister would call her guy classmate/ friend inside the house and even though my parents don’t like it they wouldn’t say that to her in her face ever. And then they say she’s obedient. Well when you haven’t given her a chance to defend herself there’s nothing she’s disobeying but the few times they do she’s worse then I am in a fight but oh well.

Anyway, my mom made me hate my dad more than my dad made me hate my mom.

Honestly even if they hadn’t brainwashed me I would’ve come to the same conclusions they have for each other. My dad is a golden child of my narcissistic grandmother so the years of continuous pressure made my mom a depression patient and years of therapy, anti depressants have made her a pessimistic ticking bomb.

I question myself if I’m actually the good human outsiders call me to be Or I’m a weirdo/ wreck like my family categories me.

The same family who thought I was an ideal child when I scored first position consistently in elementary school, top ten positions in junior school and the same family who called me unintelligent, dumb, a failure, useless when I got pathetic grades in high school. The same family says they’re supportive of my degree but I’ve heard them disapprove of it (fun fact my dad convinced me to pursue my current degree, over the degree I actually wanted) the same family who set a whole drama on both my internships but proudly told people about how much I’m earning being an undergrad. The same family who loves when I spend on them, surprise them with presents but calls me a burden (I’m just 20), an unhealthy presence and my mom has wished multiple times for how I shouldn’t have been born and how much she wanted a son. So there it is.

Times like these I feel homeless. No matter what I do no matter how I gather the courage to feel normal the next day of hearing how I shouldn’t have been born, I stay normal, go back to hugging these people, getting snubbed for the fucking hugs then yelled at why I stay in my room, nothing changes. These episodes keep repeating. My friend told me how I should accept that no matter how purely I love my family they just cannot feel the same way for me.

You know how you’re tested with what you love the most and to prove how anything as worldly as a human relationship is not worth it so God makes you realize how you’re to solely focus all that sincerity for Him? Well that’s the case. So now if I do my chores, listen to my mom asking me to apologize instead of defending myself on being called an abnormal looking person on wrongly pouring out water from the jug (placing the jug a little higher than the glass), watch my dad through a fit for recording a video of the room, hear my sisters say any random shit, and despite all that still be normal the next day, I do it for God and God alone.

The sooner I accept the better.