Don’t Focus On the Holidays to Combat Bad Child Behavior
By: Sarah Seweryniak
Tags: Relationships, Self, Family, Love, Parenting

How “Santa’s Little Helper” showed me there’s no value in using the holidays as a behavior modification program

Photo by Misty Ladd on Unsplash

The holidays are a stressful time, especially if you have children. It’s second nature to connect the holidays with behavior and do what we can to make sure children behave.

We base the entire holiday season around a jolly man in a red suit making a naughty or nice list. We even enlisted the help of “Santa’s Helpers” to keep tabs on our kids and report back to the North Pole. Using gifts to counteract poor behavior presents challenges. Especially if you hope it encourages them to behave.

Why the holidays are challenging with child behavior

I spent close to a decade working with young children. There was always something I noticed that was interesting. The more pressure you put on children to be good, the more they misbehave.

Think about it. A lot is going on during the holidays. Regular routines and schedules face disruption with the hustle and bustle of holiday festivities. This disruption causes children to act out. Putting pressure on them won’t improve the situation.

Threatening that they’ll end up on the naughty list and not receive gifts won’t produce an angelic child either. If anything, it stresses them out and frustrates them more. Creating power struggles and feelings of helplessness. A vicious cycle where adults and children struggle with the “happiest time of the year.”

My brush with holiday child behavior

It’s one thing to observe child behavior; it’s another thing actually to experience it! This became clear to me once I became a parent.

One of “Santa’s Littler Helper’s” (you know those “elves”), made a stop at our house. A gift from a family member. I appreciated the thought and gesture with the gift. I love the idea of creating memories and traditions that we can celebrate together as a family. We named the little guy “Alfie.”

I sat down to read the picture book that came with “Alfie.” The book talked about how “Alfie” works. How he keeps an eye on you during the day and heads back to the North Pole while you sleep to tell Santa whether you’ve been good or bad. I could feel myself cringing inside, BUT I decided to give it an honest try because my child seemed intrigued. So when my child went to bed at night, I’d place “Alfie” in a fun spot and each morning. She’d find him and we’d read the book (my daughter loves repeat reading her favorite books).

Now, the temperament of my child is that of any typical three-year-old. She has good days and bad days. For the most part, she’s very kind-hearted and good-natured, but what I noticed once “Alife” came into the picture was that she had A LOT of bad days. She was not acting like her usual self and was showing behavior we’d never seen before.

Luckily, it was easy for me to single out the culprit. That “Alife.” So we did away with “Santa’s Helper.” Well. The book, anyway. We stopped reading the book and repeating “Alfie’s purpose.” Instead, we focused on the fun. We were placing him in funny scenarios around the house. The troublesome temperamental behavior disappeared and our good-natured child returned.

What can you do to help behavior during the holiday season?

Of course, we need to hold children accountable for their actions. Remember, parenting is a marathon. The holidays can be stressful for everyone and piling more angst and frustration won’t help any of the parties involved.

Children tend to mirror what they see. If they’re sensing stress, they’ll act on that. If they’re seeing disrespect, they’ll imitate the behavior. You’re a role model for your child. Model the actions you hope to observe in them.

Since many behavior issues during the holidays tend to come from hectic schedules, try spacing out events and activities. Make sure your children can maintain a routine sleep schedule throughout the holidays. If you have little ones make sure your children can rest throughout the day to recharge.