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Financial abuse is a thing, stop it!
By: Chinyere Nwonye
Tags: Survivor, Independence, Empowering Women, Abuse, Empowerment

When we discuss abuse, we mostly focus on physical and emotional abuse. This pandemic unlocked a lot. One thing that became clearer for me is the term “financial abuse”.

Financial abuse is as awful as other abuses women face everyday (mostly in marriage).

Imagine being threatened to be cut off financially, because your partner knows you can’t stand up for yourself. I know being financially stable or not doesn’t stop abuse, but at least you have options. You can conveniently walk away. When women are not empowered, they stay in abusive relationships. Even when they leave, the find a way to return because they can’t cater for themselves and their children.

It’s also obvious women stay in unhealthy marriages because of pressure from society but a crazy high percentage stay because of financial support. No one deserves to be financially controlled.

This year, I witnessed first hand how financial abuse affects every aspect of a woman’s life, especially their self esteem. Watching people become opposite of themselves. It’s totally dreadful!

I wake up every day wondering how we can support women to ensure financial independence. It’s difficult being a woman in Nigeria and we don’t have to carry more than necessary.
Keep Walking
By: Claire Boyce
Tags: Healing Emotions, Abuse Survivors, Abuse, Poetry, Healing From Trauma

You say

You want to go back

To that place of ill-begotten dreams

And conflict

Where you is right

The other, wrong —

And you must prove it

Time, and time again

Every day.

You say,

You want this pattern

This clarity of mis-understanding

And that conflict is worth more to you

Than joy-

Do you see?

Your beauty

Your value-

You say, you need a paycheck

There are a million things to do –

Keep walking, my child

Though the road is rough and lean at times

For, in your heart, you know –

Keep walking,

Don’t get distracted by all

These shouting voices

Telling you — you are not worth it

That you have to sell your soul

Or your body -

For some dollars

And a little

Careworn validation

Keep walking

Past the broken palace

Of societal misconceptions-

Past the embers of scalding doubt –

Keep your heart’s desire

In the back pocket-

Of those faded jeans

You love so well –

Look at it often, look at it

Every time

That little voice does say

This time, it will be different

It will not be as bad –

This time,

They have changed –

He won’t hurt me

This time.

This time

The Fear won’t take over

This time,

I’ll be a better person –

I ask of you –

How can you enter into a Fire

And not, yourself, be burned?

How can you enter into a Conflict

And not become part of the fray –

You say that you want

Peace and Love and to

Leave your Past behind you –

I say to you, this only takes

Placing one foot ahead of the other –

Concentrate on today,

And -

Keep walking,

My child

Keep trusting, that,

Somehow — YES –

The road will go your way.
Why I Saw Red Flags and Called Them Green
By: Daisy G
Tags: Relationships, Abuse, Self-awareness, Poetry, Self Improvement

All through my adolescence, I was told, “you’re gonna meet a man whose gonna make you feel like he built the stars and moon for you! He’ll love you unconditionally” and blah blah blah. All meaningless mumbo jumbo to condition me to believe finding a man to love me would be “up there” on the list of accomplishments.

Programming your children to believe they will never be whole or complete without another person, forces them rely on relationships and ignore self growth and self love. These priorities cause dependent individuals. My first relationship was full of red flags. Each time I saw something that made me think twice about the relationship, I was reminded by my parents that being in a relationship was an accomplishment in itself. This breeds insecurity and it burns through self love like wildfire.

As this relationship progressed, things started to become more unbearable. Texts back and forth had to be more timely, phone calls had to be more frequent and arguments became daily. All red flags, shined bright and proud. After weeks turned into months of arguing, I started to stop sticking up for myself. I decided, “maybe this will stop the arguing.” This tactic made me weak in the relationship. Everything became “my fault” and the narcissist I was in a relationship with became more powerful. As days went on, the emotional exhaustion was consuming me to the point where I no longer cared what was said and when it was said. It wasn’t until then, that I realized why I stayed. I was programmed and conditioned to believe that even in my suffering, I was making my parents proud. With my age being viewed as, “old” in the ethnic community, I still managed to find myself a partner so I should’ve been proud of myself, too! Suffering was a sacrifice I had to take for the face of my family.

This unbelievable amount of pressure is completely destroying our daughters. Teaching your daughters to find their prince will obliterate their self esteem and in their 20s they are left searching for it in a man. Even in the darkest hues of bloody red flags, our daughters will turn their face and call them green because of the years of self love you forgot to teach them. We are breaking our beautiful and strong women over ageism and calling it “traditional.”

Upon breaking up with the narcissist, I grew feelings of resentment for my culture and my parents. How could they do such a thing? Raise me to believe I only hold value if I am with a man? I am educated, accomplished, respected, and wise. All of these things that make me unique mean nothing? For some reason, it’s hard to control the fire that still burns in my heart with these feelings. Every now and then I feel rage when I reminisce on picking up the phone on the first ring and replying to a text within 45 seconds to avoid an unnecessary fights. How sad is it we are still raising our daughters to sacrifice their happiness for the approval of others.
Introduction to let you guys know a little about me.
Tags: Addiction, Motivation, Abuse, Inspiration, Self Harm

Introduction to let you guys know a little about me.

My name is Heather and this is the first blog I have ever posted and felt it was important to not be afraid or ashamed of such things I have struggled with and I will be talking more about it in future blogs. I felt that if other people read these blogs who are going through similar situations they won’t be ashamed or scared to get help and to know they are not alone. I have overcome a lot in my life, sometimes their where times were I felt to ashamed to talk about certain things that I have overcome like addiction and suicide . Not only did I feel ashamed but their were a lot of negative people in my life who made me feel even worse about the situation. Over the years I have had the strength to talk more about the things that I struggled with like addiction, mental health, suicide, abuse and rape. Before I go on more I want to tell the readers that I am adopted and have been for almost 7 years to an amazing family who loves me. I am a suicide survivor. I am also a recovered addict who has been clean for almost 8 years and was on drugs for about 5 years. I was abused mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally by my biological father and grandfather until I met my new family when I was 12 or 13. I suffered from bullying in school which needed up getting pretty ugly. When I brought up being abused I felt ashamed for the longest time and tried hiding it and hid my emotions. Over the course of a few years I have learned that the reason I felt ashamed was because I thought I was my fault that it was happening. After spending years in and out of the hospital and going to therapy I realized it was not my fault that the abuse was happening, it was my biological dad father and grandfathers fault. They were old enough to know that this is not right and that this was not okay but yet they still did it. I should also mention they were all pretty bad alcoholics and were on drugs but still that is no excuse. Due to all the abuse I tried committing suicide and was hospitalized about 8 times for attempted suicide. I was self harming pretty bad and was cutting my arms, legs anywhere I could just to help cope with the trauma. Now that I have done therapy I know self harming was not a great coping skill and have been taught new ones like distracting ,myself when I felt like it, but In the moment and at that time I thought that was best. Due from all the abuse I suffer from CPTSD, depression, anxiety and will be talking about those as well in future blogs but have since learned coping skills to help. I no longer have any evolvement with them any more but still coping and dealing with everything that came with it. My future blogs will be discussing more about CPTSD, anxiety, depression, my addiction, self harming etc.
The Illusion of Love
By: Brianna R Duffin
Tags: Abuse, Poetry

Long nights I spent with forever at my feet

And the knocker at my fingertips

I couldn’t close the distance, I was too scared

Of your door. I know you never want to see me again,

And I’m alright with that, I swear I am.

Sometimes when I think of you, I recall

Every second with you was me begging

For what you were never willing to give.

And I’m finished with it. So forget me,

Forget the promises I made to you,

I will not spend the rest of my life

Searching every pair of eyes in the room

To see if I have your seal of approval

To call myself a real woman. I am real

And for some reason I’m here. All I can say is

Didn’t you know about my champagne

Problems long before you met me?

I’m not perfect- the lady’s improving,

As you would say. And from your words

I would hang like a child on the monkey bars.

You left me hanging like a branch from a broken tree

After you I was a melting clock face in a Dali.
4 Things I Wish People Knew About Healing From Abuse
By: Brittany Beringer
Tags: Survivor, Trauma, Abuse, Self Love, Healing From Trauma

1. Talking about my experiences doesn’t mean I want pity.

Trust me, nobody feels worse about my experiences with abuse than I do. Often when I’m recounting an experience, it means I’m comfortable with that person and in that space enough to talk about it. I’m not actively searching for sympathy or wanting to cause another person to feel bad. Most of the time, I simply want to be listened to.

Opening up can be hard for anyone to do, so if a person is expressing their trauma with you, it could mean there’s trust there, and the most powerful thing you can do for that person is to listen.

2. Patience is one of the best things you can give to a survivor.

When you endure a traumatic experience, sometimes the memory visits you in dreams or intrusive thoughts, especially if you’re being exposed to a similar circumstance.

If my romantic history consisted of abusive partners, it might take some getting used to navigating through a healthy one. The same goes for any shift in circumstances or relationships.

Just like it isn’t in someone's spirit to understand abuse if they’ve never suffered through it, it isn’t so simple for a survivor to adapt to being in a better place.

Time, understanding, and empathy are usually all I ask for, and I know the same goes for others.

3. I’m constantly unlearning toxic patterns I picked up through abuse, and I need to be held accountable, too.

I read a Tweet once that said something along the lines of “I’m still unlearning toxic behaviors I learned as survival tactics,” and it helped put my behavior in perspective.

When I reflect on my anger specifically, I tend to feel guilty about it. Why was I irritated with this person or situation? Why did I react with anger? When I look deeper, I remember all the times I had no choice but to be angry in order to survive a toxic situation.

Although sometimes those reactions are unwarranted, I was conditioned to react that way as a means of survival, and adjusting to a healthy life is going to take time and lots of trial and error.

This means I’ll need to separate my past experience current emotions so I can hold myself accountable and prevent the cycle of abuse.

4. My experiences don’t make me fragile.

I often hear survivors of abuse say the reason they keep their abusive history a secret because they don’t want others to treat or see them differently. I’ve had experiences with people who acted differently around me than they did in a setting with other people — often they’d speak softer or overly sensitive, and I’m sure they mean well.

I’d take this over insensitivity and callousness any day, but there’s an extent to sensitivity where it can seem insincere and condescending.

Coddling my trauma, walking on eggshells, and being overly sensitive is another form of victimizing me even if that’s not your intention; it works against the purpose of healing.

I’m not a victim and I’m not fragile. I’m a resilient bad-ass, and that’s how I’d prefer to be treated.
Not All Abuse Is Physical, and the Legal System Should Better Reflect That
By: Barlon Mrando
Tags: Child Abuse, Child Custody, Abuse, Divorce, Parental Alienation

How Do We Change?

Change is possible. As a society, we must keep on talking, keep on trying to solve problems. Much the same as the Black Lives Matters movement has brought back to the forefront the inequalities still faced by the Black Community, much the same as how equality movements have brought about change to bring equal right no matter who you choose to love or identify as, and much the same as how the #MeToo movement brought to life the inequalities faced by women. All are fighting for equal opportunities, equal treatment, equal pay, the equal value in society.

As much as any group is willing to grow, evolve, and accept, there are always counter groups who refuse to move the needle. But there are also groups willing to accept and talk, willing to fight to bridge the gaps. But what about fathers? What about men? When will more people fight for them? Not all of them are bad people out to abuse and harm. So, why can’t men fight for their rights as good fathers but must face persecution as abusers just because someone says so on the basis they don’t want to share their child?

I might lose my children completely because of posting this, but there lies the injustice. I will be labeled as a bad parent by simply fighting for my rights as a father against the very person who keeps falsely labeling me as an abuser or unfit parent. Layers are expensive. I can barely afford them. And on top of that, the COVID pandemic makes this an even more drawn-out process. But, someday my children can read about their father’s fight to have them in his life and ask their mother why she took the path she did. For certain, she has no pictures, and neither do I of any physical abuse. It’s these cases that have no visual proof — only a bunch of wounded people using their children as a rope in a game of tug-o-war. But the one losing the game is the parent without any access, the one wrongly accused, and the child is frayed from the abuse by the winning parent.
S,
By: Et Tu
Tags: Narcissism, Cheating, Abuse

S,

I wanted to be with you. I also needed you. During a time in life or death you entertained yourself. You abandoned me. You looked at my reactions to what I was not privy to yet to judge me and resent me so that you could blame shift. You began to look at me as pathetic, needy, and desperate for loving a cheater (even though I was unaware) to build disgust as though I was the problem. Your projection was needed to build inner resentment. The more you despised me the more you could rationalize your deception and build contempt. Worst of all you used my history of past abuse as a weapon against me. You knew you were wrong but didn’t care and you did not hate what you were doing. You sought to rationalize your behavior instead. After you discarded me you projected a convincing humility by admitting things to work on to divert and appear humble at the same time. It served you well to do so as it allowed you to level the field and get the payoff of being both humble and vulnerable. It worked. I was played.

Medusa (Leonardo Da Vinci)

You remind of Medusa who was a wise and powerful Goddess. She held secrets of sex and magic to symbolize the sensuality of femininity and the power of the menstruating feminine. As Goddess she was powerful to symbolize the female wisdom. In fear, it was the patriarchy that demonized and beheaded her to narrate a heroic pretense.

It’s hard for me to see you as demonic. I think fight or flight and circumstance led to the re-surfacing of childhood trauma and abuse to manage and you resorted to learned behavior from being conditioned in an abusive environement. I don’t know I can only speculate.

You kicked me down while being down to leave me bleeding and barely breathing. It’s been really hard for me. I’ve managed all the pain by myself all alone. I hope you haven’t been in pain. I must fully let go. I hope publishing this means I am doing so.

To whomever read this thank you for listening.
Adult Bullying on Facebook
By: Adrienne Lovett
Tags: Bullying, Facebook, Abuse

I have been targeted by a woman and a health group. It all begin when I was placed in hospice and befriended by a someone within the group. After the placement of my first time in hospice: she bgan to tell people I was lying and trying to get my funds from a fundraiser removed.

Tammy was becoming abusive and invasive. I was starting to be scared with her trying to contact all my friends via absusive and obsessive contact. Se also engaged others to help as well.

During all of this Tammy made a page and group about me. Someone sent me the link she was taking my picture down from my page and making horrible comments. The group was over 50 people. So, I contacted the police and filed a report. I also contacted Facebook via reporting everything I was aware of.

During this my home was set on fire and broken into. I can’t say for sure that it was her and the group, but it felt as if I was very targeted. To this day I can’t enjoy Facebook because every post unknown people post things about my health. Even my reproductive health. I just feel very let down and that too much has happened for Facebook to not stop this. Please sign if you agree.
You left out the part where, in Genesis, the Divine Feminine archetype(represented by the serpent)…
By: Jane Stoll
Tags: Psychology, Christianity, Abuse, Misogyny, Rape Culture

You left out the part where, in Genesis, the Divine Feminine archetype(represented by the serpent) gets crushed in favor of the Divine Masculine archetype, which generated witch hunts in the past and currently causes issues like misogyny, partner violence, rape culture, and a host of other ills.

And what about the psychopathy displayed by a god who advocates the slaying of one’s own children, genocide, and rape? And what about the fact that Christianity is a system that uses toxic shame for behavior control? As a mental health coach, I’ve worked with people who grew up imbedded in Evangelicalism (such as pastors’ and missionaries’ children) who now have anxiety disorders and clinical depression from being programmed from birth that they were “born bad” and only Jesus could save them. (Some clients even have PTSD from this.)

I am not against people having a faith or a spiritual path. But modern Christianity is giving those of us in the American mental health field a steady supply of patients. Particularly disturbing are the large numbers of people who have been sexually abused or raped by pastors, priests, and church elders. Rather than believe and support these victims, congregations defend the perpetrator (even in cases where proof came to light) and shame the victims. I know if only one case of a church that called the police on a predator pastor.

How did Christians develop THAT psychology?
Red Nose Uncle
By: A Rustic Mind, Manali Desai
Tags: Poem, Poetry On Medium, Abuse, Poetry, Pedophilia

Photo by Richard Burlton on Unsplash

I closed my eyes and made a wish,

As I blew on the candles lit on my birthday cake,

I saw a happy me sitting on the lap of the person

Who made me laugh so much that evening.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

I opened my eyes to see

that person smiling and winking at me,

And I reached out to offer the mouth

Beneath the ‘Red Nose’, the first piece of cake.

Photo by Edit 404 on Unsplash

My parents are clicking away photos happily,

Pretending not to be hurt by my gesture.

And everyone else is busy too

Trying to get a piece of the delicious cake.

Photo by Morgan Lane on Unsplash

The ‘Red Nose’ brushes my cheeks,

A hand holds mine tightly,

And a pair of lips close to my ears say,

“Let us have some more fun”

Photo by Rangarajan Ragunathan on Unsplash

Excited about more games and laughter,

I let the ‘Red nose’ take me away,

Away from everyone at the party,

away into the dark.

Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

We came to a room with many masks,

All of them had a ‘Red nose’,

Like the one that had brushed my cheeks.

And the one whose hands, now brushed against my thighs.

Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash

There was laughter,

Though I did not find this funny anymore.

I tried to get away and even cried out,

There was more laughter, and then just darkness.

Photo by Tim Hüfner on Unsplash

The ‘Red Nose’ is here today too,

As I close my eyes to blow the candles on my 21st birthday,

Because it refuses to leave

the place behind my closed eyes.

.
There is no true love and most other things you want don’t exist either
By: Sruthi Korlakunta
Tags: Mental Illness, Personal Development, Abuse, Mental Health, Philosophy

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

True love, they said. One for all, they said. God is watching, they said. If you work hard, you will get there, they said. The truths they told, are countable on finger-tips. The lies, geez!

Parents, teachers, books, religion, bosses, colleagues, friends, family, strangers, no one ever tried. Illusion after illusion, they made up my fragile world. Probably yours too.

Happiness is something you can’t just have. This was the motto they drilled into your head. Obey, follow, request, beg, plead, manipulate, ask them permission to let you have it. Or trick them into giving it to you.

This is everyone’s song. Everybody’s tale. Every day’s mission.

You need love to be secure. You need a family to hold you when you fall. Of course, you can only have it if you obey and comply.

True love is unconditional, the same people told me. Talking only to the love I give. not the one I get. The one you can have is marinated in condition. And conditioning.

Go to school, get a degree they said, it will make you smart they said. They didn’t tell me that my degree was wet in the mouth of a rabid dog, waiting for the kill, looking out to destroy the non-believing, non-complying, scum that asks questions and refuses to hate the religion it hates, refuses to bury the homo’s and chain the heteros, the scum of the wrong sex.

They said I should find a love like theirs. A love so vast, it occupies all of the corners it is pushed into by everybody around. To remain together despite all the adversity, the only adversity, which is a loathing of each other. Because “god forbid the neighbours know that I hate you!”.

They lead by example how to laugh when strangers knock, to hide those prints on each other's throat with fake smiles. But the neighbours know, they too, are here only for respite from each other. Because we are both good families that “keep it together” despite the odds.

How lucky are the kids!
Shadow of a man— By Rose Thorne
By: Rose Thorne
Tags: Poem, Children, Abuse

I remember being frightened

by the monsters in the dark,

the evil in the shadow

of a man.

Hid under a blanket while

he destroyed walls with his

angry fists

And I just wish

for once the

blanket was enough

to save me.
Why can’t I hurt you.
Tags: Novice, Toxic, Abuse

Why can’t I hurt you.

Make you feel the way I do

You’re not a monster

Only an imitation of one

Yet you hurt me so badly

For someone so fake

I gave you my friendship

My loyalty and trust

I told you my fears

And the things that keep

the sadness in my eyes

I’m not broken

I’m not shattered

I was never that fragile to begin with

I’m only wounded by the monster you so desperately try to be

But you’re not scary

And you yourself is not what I fear

It’s the trust I gave you

that causes my tears
Giving up on love
Tags: Hurting, Relationships, Broken Heart, Abuse

Imagine wasting your time for so long with people that are only used for sex or broke your heart feeling hopeless and lonely. feeling not good enough anymore slowly giving up day by day. Then you met this wonderful person at least you think it starts okay at first its the perfect love story picture they love you then you love me they be all about you right? at least I guessed. They say when you first kiss someone you can feel like they the right one for you that did happen but now I question things after a year into the relationship things changed we got engaged quick and then a year later a baby came but behind every smile, there's pain and sadness. you see not every relationship is what you think it is. the people in it change too. The sadness and depression hit you see the one man you loved once changed, cheating on you behind your back, mentally abusing you and even physically abusing you which drives sad and depressed but when you get pregnant you think hey maybe he will love me but no he has changed. To him, it means nothing that you feel this way, to him cheating ain't cheating at all, to him it's okay to just not care about the relationship. While build-up the courage to pick up and leave with your kid to have a better life but somehow the sadness takes over completely. You then start to feel less of a person even feeling not enough for someone. But deep down you know you are and that someone will appreciate you one day. But the question will be when? What's sad about all this is nobody notices many women are going thru this but they so good at hiding it, that they just build this little happy life to hide the pain and what goes on around them from the outside world cause they feel as if people will judge them. Make sure to check up on your friends, sister, and family in relationships, watch out for signs cause even when they say they happy, in reality, they have given up on happiness and love for all due to guys or girls that hurt them deeply and mentally. But it's okay to reach out to someone if this is happening to you never let someone make you think you not good enough cause your beautiful.
There’s a Lot More to it Than Black Eyes and Bruises
By: Liz Porter
Tags: Relationships, Abuse, This Happened To Me, Self Improvement, Philosophy

There’s a Lot More to it Than Black Eyes and Bruises

I present a collection of my stories in short-form style.

Go deeper into the mind of an abuse survivor.

Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash

It’s complicated, dangerous and messy.

There’s a lot more going on behind those pretty eyes than you could ever guess.

Victims of abuse can be anyone and anywhere. Please don’t assume it’s all about black eyes and bruises. Emotional abuse is invisible and much harder to bounce back from.

Here’s an opportunity to go deeper and learn from the real-life experiences of a survivor. She’s stronger and more resilient than you give her credit for, and she’s sharing her story, one article at a time.

Feel free to dig in — you’ll be surprised by the life lessons.

My Loyal Dog Sam Saved Me — A Tribute

Published by Dr. Christine Bradstreet @ Change Your Mind Change Your Life

Curated # Chosen for further distribution.

This is a three-part tribute to my precious pup Sam: he was my constant, my unconditional love and my protector. He saved me from my predator more than once. Help me celebrate Sam’s life and the part he played in mine.

Why Surviving Emotional Abuse Still Hurts

Dr. Christine Bradstreet published this in Change Your Mind Change Your Life and Chosen for further distribution by Medium.

It took years of healing and personal growth to move forward in my life after the abuse. The final step that set me free was not something I’d ever considered doing.

Are You Terrified to Leave Him?

We find ourselves in destructive relationships, and our abusers break us down slowly over time. If you know your relationship isn’t healthy, but you’re frightened and confused about how to get out of it…this is for you.

I wish to express my gratitude and appreciation to all of my readers, followers, editors and publications that support my work — cheers to all of you who make Medium a wonderful and safe place to find my voice.

I’m Liz, the self-empowered, red wine & coffee lovin’, personal growth fanatic behind this article. I’ve stopped shrinking into places I’ve outgrown, and I’m a fan of straight talk and practical solutions. That’s why I’m here to Empower, Educate and Entertain.
My Childhood Horror Story
By: Gabriella K
Tags: Real Life, Abuse, Depression, Teenagers, Assault

If I'm being honest I probably shouldn't be writing this. if in the wrong attention I could face serious consequences or have to deal with people from my past. neither of which are what I want to do. this all started in 2003, when i was born. my parents, or sperm and egg donors as I call them, weren't the nicest people. my childhood consisted of 9 brothers and sisters, all of which were from the same parents. little did I know that my birth would just be the beginning of a tragic story that had yet to unfold. now I am only here to share my side of the story. I do not have the right or will to share my brothers and sister stories as they are not mine to share. I've thought about writing a book before but never thought I would ever do it. anyway back to the story. when I was a baby life was as normal as could be. we were a poor family so it was hard on a lot of us considering the size of our family. though when I was about 2, things began to change. this was the first time I had been sexually assaulted. yes, I was only 2 years old. my egg donor didn't know of the things that were happening at home. or at least she said she didn't. I believed her but even then we didn't have a good relationship. by this point you're probably wondering one of two things, or both. one: “if I have so many siblings, how could I have possibly been alone at such a young age for so long that I got assaulted?” or two: “who did it?”. the answer to your question is…to be continued….
Fighter
Tags: Feminisim, Strenth, Abuse, Daddy Issues, Fighter

She wasn’t grown into poverty, always a mother and father around so why is this little girl little sister so tormented on the inside

while on the outside a passion was installed before the fire even touched her her eyes

A fighter. Willing to die a little earlier, smacking demons following her at night. Whispering, “It’s alright, no one means to like to the little girl

a sunshine star

an evening light

who just lost sight of the bigger picture thats always following her

Theres always a judgement day

somehow, somewhere the truth will ebb into the cracks of our perfect, her perfect little family

A troop of blood and cells binding together with an oath to protect their little girl little sister

Mother, am I going to be okay? will things turn out alright? will daddy only be gone for one night?

what was the promise that he made too afraid to let go of his fears as he held onto the hotel pillow, while she smiled.

A real grin, alone at night.

Because she doesn’t know that someday she has to fight to save

her life

from her own nightmares created and broken by that oath.

I don’t want to be in the circle of victims!

why should little girl little sister have to suffer by the hands of men, craving power to tower of women, the weak, the breeders, the care takers

But along the lines you forgot

Between the yelling and the fights you forgot that im a fighter, a breather, a seeker

I don’t need whats behind me anymore little girl little sister doesn’t need daddy anymore

You know when I was young I need protection from them and my own mind like society was infecting me saying to me

“little girl little sister, you be alone able to roam at with the lions tigers and bears”

well oh my! watch me.

this wasn’t written by a little girl.

Author Notes:

The only poem I’ve never edited. Wrote it in one sitting and this is that same poem. Don’t let the depression and tears hide the pain the abused go through every day. You’re a fighter, seek truth and breath justice.
A Mother’s Care
By: S. Kermani
Tags: Mental Illness, Trauma, Writing, Abuse, Poetry

She was touched by a man and screamed into the night

So her parents sent her to fulfill her purpose

At 18, so innocent and ripe

It was time for marriage and breeding

Not thinking to discuss or offer her proper healing

She moved to the states and was silently taken aback by my dad’s American ways

3 girls she had — 3 she didn’t know how to raise

She cried and hinted at the things he said in the bedroom

Not knowing her trauma would pass down to us, we now curse and fume

She read a story of the worst of men and created her own reality of them

Up the stairs she went to set up camp,

To keep guard at night and to demand a twisted form of protection

Pissing with the lights off

Bells on doorknobs

Scarves covering faucets and toothbrushes

Each scene in my mind has their disturbing sequence of flashes

I can’t remember the last time I slept peacefully

She claims I should be grateful — that she did all of this for me

She blames me for not changing clothes in the eldests’ closet

I knew that wouldn’t be the end of a long, unbearable process

Through the years, I was bold enough to try and resist her control

But as I’ve moved out and she sleeps in my room,

She took it all back tenfold

Annoyance and resentment built up

She made me regret it when she spat in my face and told me,

“You think you’re going through a lot, huh?”

I cried and begged for mercy, but she shook her head in refusal until I got on my knees

Perhaps that is why when I desperately seek forgiveness from God, I feel no peace

Food she cooks and groceries she brings in the middle of the day

She pats me with favors to keep me tame

“I’m trying, I’m trying” I used to say

I burden my sisters with a new tale to the saga

They fret and worry as I insist that I’m okay

She said we will see the punishment of our rationality and weep the day of her demise

I can’t buy into it when we were spoon fed lies

She said, for us, she’s had a world to bear

I’m sorry

I didn’t know this was a mother’s care
Silent Joan
By: America Zed
Tags: Poetry On Medium, Abuse, Grief, Poetry, Death

Silent Joan,

Lived by secret words,

Slept on a broken Winter bed

Her grief lay undisturbed.

The dawn birds never sang

and Hope’s music never played,

Strong alcohol swayed feeling,

Her abuser felt the same.

Silent Joan understood

that poverty was like,

No rainfall in the forest

but a firebreak

for all time.

The ranger had an idea

Why her dog could

not be found.

While Silent Joan

saw heaven

from a blood flow

six feet down.
Demanding more -
By: Pastor Matthew Best
Tags: Narcissism, Jesus, Christianity, Abuse

Let’s acknowledge something unpleasant. There are people that will always demand more, will never be satisfied, will never quit even if you give them everything they want from you. It will never be enough. It will never be considered done right. And it will never be considered done with the right attitude.

That’s because these people are fundamentally broken. And they project their brokenness and their lack of self-love onto others, mercilessly.

These are miserable people and we all know that misery loves company — loves to make others miserable too.

You have a choice in how you respond to such people.

Here’s a few suggestions. 1. Don’t ever try to please such an abusive person. You can’t and you shouldn’t. 2. Remember your self-worth and take care of yourself. You can’t possibly help someone else if you are having trouble taking care of yourself. 3. Set boundaries and be firm with them. When an abusive person crosses those boundaries, let them know they crossed a boundary and enforce the consequences. They won’t like it and they will let you know it. Enforce those boundaries anyway — regardless of their opinion about the boundaries. You don’t need their approval to set boundaries. 4. If they persist, walk away without engagement or response. They will do what they can to suck you back in, even trying to insult you. Let them do what they will do and walk away. They won’t admit they are wrong anyway, so don’t waste your time trying to convince them. That just continues with you being sucked into their misery, which is their goal.

And finally 5. Pray for that person. They need it. And so do you. We don’t always have the luxury of breaking ties completely with an abusive person. So you’ll need prayers as well — prayers that guide you for a future encounter.
Putting Up With Constant Bullying At Work
By: Anirban Kar
Tags: Trauma, Abuse Of Power, Abuse, Mental Health, Stress

The Day I Finally Quit

It was a Saturday. I woke up early to reach the office by eight. Everybody would be there by eleven.

So I only had three hours to do a job I had never tried before.

I made the most out of what I had. And it turned out pretty well. I wish I had snapped a photo of it. But I didn’t have the chance. As everyone came along, they appreciated the art I had managed to create. Well, that would be everyone but one.

When the boss finally came along, it was already noon, and I was busy with my work. A high-pitched shrill sound shook me from inside as he screamed my name. As I rushed into his cabin, he accused me of sabotaging the office wall. He used all sorts of language to describe how much he hated it. He even went on throwing the paperweight towards me in a fit of rage.

Luckily, it missed me by a few inches.

Realizing he had gone too far, he regained his calm and apologized to me, and relieved me for the day. But he did not forget to mention the cost of repainting the wall would come out of my paycheck.

At the time, they already owed me a month worth of salary thanks to their irregular payments.

In hindsight, it was never about the art. My denial, in front of his spouse, had rubbed him the wrong way. He wanted to teach me a lesson from day one. I never had a chance to win him over.

I returned home looking like a construction worker, with paint all over my shirt. As soon as I reached my apartment, I burst out in tears. I went to sleep empty stomach that night.

The next day, I felt much better. It was Sunday, and I had all day to cope. I told my girlfriend what had happened. She used to adore my artworks like babies. So she was as furious as a wounded tigress. And the things coming out of her mouth were hilarious. She (seriously) planned to take over the office setup to turn it into my private art gallery. The sheer childish charm of her blabbering further lightened my mood, and I prepared myself to continue the job. I did not want to get back in that office again. But I was under parental pressure. So I sucked it up. And I planned to show up at work the following day. I needed the job until I get something better. But my plan changed soon.

In the evening, my phone biped receiving a Facebook notification. As I opened it, I could not believe my eyes. The boss had taken selfies with my wall art making all sorts of faces, and posted them online. He and his friends were having a real good time trash-talking the piece. And to make sure I see it, he tagged me in each of them.

It was then that I told myself enough was enough, and if I saw him ever again, I might lash out. And I didn’t want to give him the power to destroy my calmness. It only took me minutes to mail my resignation. And with that, it was the end of his days of fun.
Confessions of a Recovering Love Avoidant
By: Writing Pen
Tags: Child Abuse, Trauma, Love, Abuse, Recovery

Confessions of a Recovering Love Avoidant

People have been hating me since I was born,

I tell myself, I explain to my inner child,

The wisdom of learning to avoid people.

It’s the same old story that existed more than a millennium

about my family and me.

The same old story from yesterday morning

about me and my inner child.

It’s called “Coping Skills

and Consequences of Love Avoidance.”

It’s called “Psychological Paradigms of Abused Persons.”

called “The Child who’d Rather Study than Play.”

There are people in the room, my history teacher says,

they mean more than books.

But they don’t care about my insides,

I’m safer with books,

they won’t hurt me.

I was confused

if I had a body and a heart,

or if I was all mind.

You’re always afraid, she said on another day,

hope you can be brave,

hope you find self-esteem,

or self-worth.

I replied, How is that possible?

If you don’t know yourself, then I can’t help you.

She was at peace with my confusion,

at peace with my ambivalence.

One day she told me a story

called, “Love Addiction in Traumatized People.”

called “Loss of Identity and Dignity

after Childhood Abuse.”

called “I Sing Songs that People Call Dark.”

Created 12/15/2020
Did you know?
Tags: Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, Abuse Survivors, Abuse

Did you know that she backed me into a corner and punched me in the face?

Did you know that she pinned me down and choked me?

Did you know that she threatened me with a knife?

Did you know that she physically and verbally abused me?

Did you know that she called me the gay F word when I shivered or cried?

Did you know that she used my mental illness against me as something that I had to make up for?

Did you know that she withheld love and affection?

Did you know that she triangulated with others so that they thought that I was the abuser?

Of course you didn’t. Because while she was busy painting me in a bad light with the broadest of brush strokes, publicly accusing me of being the one committing the abuse, I was trying to ignore it in hopes that it would go away. I was hurting. I was isolated. I was trying to resist the urge to rush back to the very arms of the one who abused me, just like so many other people who have been caught in the death-cycle of an abusive relationship.

The truth is, I was nice, naïve, and non-confrontational, which made me the perfect target for her abuse. And time after time, when I tried to leave in despair and in pain, she would suck me back in like a powerful Hoover.

I am finally done. I am beginning to heal. I am better off now with a more sturdy sense of self and better boundaries than I had at the beginning of my torment. But I want you to know, not to believe everything that you read, because the attacker can paint themselves as the victim, while the real victim is isolated, alone, and in pain. Often the one with the loudest voice, has the most to hide.
The Narcissists are Running the Digital Ivory Tower
By: The Scholar
Tags: PhD, Abuse, AI, Academia, Machine Learning

The Narcissists are Running the Digital Ivory Tower

When Dr. Anima Anandkumar posted her entire Twitter blocklist yesterday afternoon, it didn’t get the support she was likely expecting.

The Caltech prof and head of AI Research at NVIDIA unleashed a firestorm of tweets Sunday afternoon, railing against anyone and everyone who had participated in a tense Twitter exchange with fellow academic Dr. Pedro Domingos regarding ethics in the AI community. (Note, “participated”, in this sense, could include anything from commenting, to liking Domingos’ tweets, to daring to disagree with Anandkumar in the public domain.) Ironically, Anandkumar’s tweets were far from ethical, instead representing a kind of vicious totalitarianism that has recently enveloped the digital wing of the ivory tower. Nobody, not even PhD students and junior academics (whose names have been excluded from this article), was immune to Anandkumar’s blatant abuse of power:

One need not be a historian to recognize a new kind of academic McCarthyism emerging from Anandkumar’s tweets — one which prioritizes conformity above ideological diversity and which seeks to stamp out dissent rather than engage in intellectual debate.

Sadly, Anandkumar is but the tip of the iceberg for graduate students and non-tenured faculty. On a regular basis, we witness the worst that academia has to offer — including abuse [1–3] and stolen work [4–5] — all while trying to publish the very cutting-edge research that companies like NVIDIA so greatly prize. While the long-term mental health impacts of early-career abuse on graduate students are still unclear, a recent Nature study revealed that over 20% of respondents had experienced some form of bullying or abuse during their course of study, and over 30% experienced anxiety or depression [6–7].

These statistics, sadly, reveal little about experiences of harassment in the digital ivory tower — the Twitter echo chamber perpetuated by those like Anandkumar. Claiming victimhood status and while targeting vulnerable scientists is hardly ethical — yet those of us without tenure feel unable to publicly raise our voices against the academic elite, for fear of retribution. Hopefully, Anandkumar’s brazen abuse of power will serve as a clarion call to junior scientists — speak up, in any way you can. Academia’s paradigm shift will only happen if we fight back.

[1] https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-018-06040-w

[2] https://madison.com/wsj/news/local/education/university/toxic-lab-lasted-for-years-uw-madison-had-little-idea/article_199b0616-a558-5da5-b214-4896154ceecc.html

[3]https://www.chronicle.com/article/abusers-and-enablers-in-faculty-culture/

[4] https://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2002/05/when-mentor-becomes-thief

[5] https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/01/health/professor-accused-of-stealing-invention-lawsuit-trnd/index.html

[6] https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-03459-7

[7] https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2019/11/14/phd-student-poll-finds-mental-health-bullying-and-career-uncertainty-are-top