Empowered Through Positive Pain- My Birth Story
By: Bianca Stuurman
Tags: Birth, Home Birth, Natural Birth

I’m not sure about other mums or mums-to-be out there, but I think most of the time as we move through pregnancy and towards birth we’ve got a rough idea of how we’d like our birthing experience to go. For me, I imagined candles, soft music and the ability to ‘breathe the baby out.’ But I was conscious of not telling too many people, in case they derailed my positive badass vibe.

KEY POINTS:

Where the stigma surrounding birth comes from

My own birth experience

The main takeaways I got from giving birth for the first time

The stigma surrounding birth is usually one of mostly fear and pain. These preconditioned ideas have stemmed from TV shows, movies and also, perhaps, those birth stories we’ve heard from friends or family who may not have had such a positive experience. And while I’m not disputing that birthing a baby might not always go according to plan, us women seem to gravitate toward negative stories and information that only further ingrains a sense of fear and trepidation. We need to do the opposite. We need to band together, be positive and encourage one another. Be a tribe!

And now that I’ve experienced pregnancy and birth I feel like I can talk with real conviction and show how to create a more empowering experience, no matter how hard it may seem. Coz believe me when I say: birth was really tough!

Homebirth

We decided pretty early on we wanted to have a homebirth but kept it on the down-low because it’s still a pretty controversial topic. Even though a lot of the stats are the same as hospital births.

When we met with our midwife Juliana, she made us feel safe and comfortable straight away. She made it very clear that if at any stage my pregnancy or birth became high-risk, we would transfer to the Royal Womens. And that was enough for me to proceed with plans of having our first birth at home.

The first pang of a contraction started on Saturday morning, 10th of Feb. I’d had a pretty restless sleep the night before but I was still only 39 weeks so I thought it’d pass. The contractions were about 10 mins apart and fairly easy for me to breathe through. I let Dave know just as he was heading out the door to work, “Oh by the way, I think I’m in labour,” but assured him the contractions were mild and I’d call if things escalated.

They went on for the whole day, staying between 9–10 minutes apart. Juliana instructed me to rest as much as possible, so I spent my time lying in bed with the blinds drawn, watching Netflix or making some bliss balls for us to snack on the next day if things kept progressing. Each wave was coupled with some deep breathing and an affirmation that helped me stay as relaxed as possible.

As cheesy as it may sound, saying things like: “I’m ready and relaxed,” and: “pressure equals progress,” really helped me to stay focused on the task at hand. Staying as calm as possible helped negate any feelings of stress or fear, which can potentially start a cascade of stress hormones and slow the whole process down.

Through the night and into the early hours of Sunday morning my contractions started to get closer together and by the time Dave and I got up they were 6–7 minutes apart. Any thoughts of a potential false alarm were out the window and I was now sure this was legit happening.

I called Juliana with an update and she said she’d come over and check on me after another appointment she had. She also suggested we go for a walk to keep things moving. While it sounded like a good idea at the time, we got one block in, my contractions shortened to 3–4 mins apart, and walking now seemed like the worst idea ever.

When we got back to the apartment, I found myself becoming frustrated that I could no longer breathe through my contractions. They were too intense. The best I could do was lean over with my hands on my knees and wait for them to pass.

And then something weird and slightly alarming happened with the next contraction. I felt like I needed to push! WTF? Surely this baby isn’t ready to come out yet and if she was, Dave was going to be the one to deliver her! My water hadn’t even broken yet!?

Dave called Juliana and calmly (strange considering the circumstance) told her that I felt like I needed to push and she said she’d be there in 10 mins.

With every contraction, I tried to fight the urge to push but it was almost impossible. By the time Juliana arrived (thank God!) I was actually feeling super emotional. I shed a few tears of relief and after checking me, she informed us that I was 8.5cm dilated. This bubba was well and truly on her way.

When our second midwife Louise arrived, she came into the bedroom, where I sat on the edge of the bed, just as another powerful contraction swept over me. I told her that I still kept feeling the urge to push but was confused and trying to fight it. “Just go with it and surrender to what your body is telling you,” she said.

So I did.

And POP went my waters!

During something as primal and instinctive as birth, our bodies know what to do when not masked with fear or artificial hormones created by intervention. So even though I tried to fight it, as soon as I surrendered to the pushing, my labour progressed to the next stage.

And that’s when shit got real. My contractions were much closer together now and very intense. It wasn’t the pain of the contractions that was the hardest. It was the sheer exhaustion that came with the pushing. I was holding my breath with each contraction and quickly running out of gas. I thought I might pass out.

We had a birth pool set up in the lounge and I was relieved when I could finally get in. I would’ve liked to birth her in the pool, but Breya had other ideas. I was pushing with each contraction but she wasn’t quite ready to come yet so the midwives suggested we try something else to keep things moving.

So off we went into the bathroom where they got me into a squat like position on the toilet. She was close to crowning now but I was on the brink of complete exhaustion. By now the midwives were sure she was in a posterior position, which is much harder to birth. Especially if it’s the first one. GREAT.

“I need to have a nap then I’ll be good to go again,” I suggested. Juliana and Louise had other ideas though and we moved into the kitchen where Louise suggested I lie on my back.

Ok, so picture this: Dave was behind me, pulling my knees back towards my chest (I’m pretty sure he got far more hands-on than he was expecting to, but kudos to him — he was absolutely amazing the whole time), and there was one midwife each, both pushing against my feet to help me create more force with each contraction.

Not exactly the serene water birth I had envisioned with candles burning and Enya playing in the background, but I had to go with it.

Dave reckons if it had’ve been a leg press I was pushing against I would’ve pushed 350kgs easily! I would’ve been pretty stoked with that PB. By now I had gone into ‘full PT/training mode.’ Whatever the midwives were telling me to adjust to make the pushing more effective, I’d picture as a cue to make an exercise more effective and zone in on that. I was also screaming the house down by now and we had forgotten to tell the neighbours we were having a home birth. Oops.

With the next push her head started to crown which meant that I needed to stay slightly engaged during the gap until the next contraction so she didn’t regress back. “Come on bubba. Come on mama.” This is the mantra I kept repeating between contractions.

With the next 2 pushes, out came her head, followed by her little body. Juliana and Louise placed her straight onto my chest while Dave took it all in, while also trying to recover from the mammoth arm workout he’d just done.

She wasn’t crying. Just blinking those beautiful eyes trying to make sense of this new world she’d entered. We sat in revered silence, drinking her in, until I eventually mustered up some energy to move over to the couch. I was spent.

We put her in a position on my chest where she could start to nuzzle and look for the breast. I had seen and heard of the ‘breast crawl’ (when a newborn naturally finds and suckles the breast straight away) and wanted to see if we could do it. With a little bit of guidance and direction from J and L she started suckling almost as soon as she found it. Nature is AH-MAZ-ING.

Birth: The experience

If I could describe birth in a nutshell, I would say it’s the toughest physical challenge a woman will face in her life but our bodies are designed for this and every hormonal and chemical reaction that takes place allows us to not only cope with it, but in most cases, have little to no negative memories around it. It’s why a lot of us go for round 2!

For me the exhaustion was tougher than the physical pain itself but I believe what truly helped me have an intervention free and completely natural birth experience was my mindset during pregnancy and in the lead up to the birth. Feeling empowered and informed and purposefully choosing to read positive material, also helped keep me feeling ready and excited.

I do understand that even with all the planning and preparation, things don’t always go according to plan and that’s okay. Ensuring the health of both baby and mama is the top priority and sometimes that may require intervention.

I truly believe that my positive pregnancy and birth journey was the result of carefully thought out actions around nutrition, mindset, stress management, sleep and who I chose to surround myself with or get advice from during that special time.

Every woman is capable and deserving of a positive birth experience. My mission is to help them realise it.

One Love x