I Stopped Doing Everything Because I’m Not a Supermom
By: Jun Wu
Tags: Single Mom Hustle, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Women

In the last five years, I’ve finally learned to ask for help. I’ve learned this lesson incredibly late in life. But, it hasn’t been easy for me. My inability to ask for help stemmed from my inability to trust people. I had to spend many years repairing my trust with the world. The birth of my son and parenting him through the early years enabled me to trust my surroundings and the people around me again.

The road was long. But it was worth it.

As women, we are often inundated with the image of that super mom who juggles an all-star career, with a few kids in tow. She’s also amazing in bed, works out diligently, a devotee of yoga, and takes veganism seriously. Her husband knows just how special she is.

Except, she doesn’t.

Yes, that supermom who is out to conquer the world day in and day out, she doesn’t sleep. She has a short fuse sometimes. But, she manages to hold it all together. She gets to everything despite the length of her todo list. Her car is clean. Her house is clean. She wears makeup every day. She even bakes cookies for the school bake sale.

She must be exhausted.

I’m exhausted just imagining her life.

These days, I’m exhausted just meeting my immediate obligations.

After my recent rumble with juggling childcare and my writing career, I realized that something had to give. I can’t possibly do it all and I won’t settle for not enjoying my life.

So, there go some clients on my client list that I just ramped up.

There goes a few activities that I usually do with my son. He does them with other family members.

There goes my insistence on writing for three different online outlets.

There goes my lingering presence in seemingly endless amounts of playground dates that my son has.

Instead, I’m present for half of the number of dates when it’s required that I socialize with the moms.

My priorities changed. There’s value in doing absolutely nothing.

The biggest value for me is that I’m able to enjoy those serendipitous moments of parenthood when they arrive.

Yes, those moments when my son pulls my face close to squeeze out another nose kiss, or that he’s begging me to tag him on the playground.

On top of that, in my creative career, that rhythm of nothingness is literally where my best ideas come from.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a gladiator in my career. But, honestly, being a super mom is simply not in my vocabulary. No, women can’t have it all. They can have most of the things that they choose in life. But, something always must give.

Balance, that’s the word that I used to forget when I chased the perfection of being a super mom. In that perfection, what I wanted most was validation. But, when I learned to validate myself in everything I did as a parent, there was no longer a need to be that super mom.

Suddenly, the whole world of happiness opened up in my life. It’s all because I learned to create space in my life.

Now, I notice the sun shining, the birds singing, and I don’t fail at enjoying that moment when my son simply points at the sky telling me that the clouds are oddly shaped today.

At the beginning of motherhood, almost every woman I know tries to attain some kind of perfection. That’s because as women, we are driven by our mother’s instinct. We care a whole lot. We will defend our younglings with all the might of that superhero.

But, after a while, when sleeping a regular 8 hours a night is a pre-requisite for a happy life, letting go of that needless perfection starts to look real good.

When the kitchen counter doesn’t need to be completely clean while I got my work done for the day, I let it go.

When there are crumbs on the floor of my car because I rather extend the quality time I’m spending my son, I let it go.

When work is delayed because I took on too much in the last week and I must stock that empty fridge, I let it go.

Life is not a series of opportunities where you scrutinize yourself for greatness or the lack thereof. Rather, it’s a series of opportunities for letting go of small imperfections to enjoy the greater moments of happiness.

As a single mom, once I can laugh at myself for these seemingly endless streams of imperfections, that’s when I realize that I’ve obtained some kind of balance in my life.

Parenthood, if it taught me anything, is that imperfections are where life begins and ends. They are what the journey’s really about.