25 Lessons On How To Accelerate Your Personal Development: #2 Accepting Criticism
By: Katerina Stoyanovska
Tags: Self Improvement, Growth, Self Development, Constructive Criticism, Feedback

25 Lessons On How To Accelerate Your Personal Development: #2 Accepting Criticism

Are you struggling with accepting constructive criticism? Well, if it makes you feel better — you are not the only one. Today I am sharing a lesson that is beyond important for your personal growth: Take constructive criticism like a champ, but DO NOT take it from people who have never constructed anything. Katerina Stoyanovska Dec 25, 2020·5 min read

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Graceful embracement of constructive criticism is a skill that is recognized by emotionally intelligent people as the fastest track that can lead us towards unlocking the better, upgraded versions of ourselves.

Great achievements and amazing relationships require people who are constantly leveling up. Doesn't it make you curious about how high can you go?

It is more than clear that no one wants to be faced with their flaws and shortcomings, but the rough truth is that people can spot our flaws much easier than we can. That happens because often we are unaware of the consequences that follow our actions and usually affect people or situations.

So how can you take negative feedback from people and turn it into a valuable gift? How can you stop it from hurting you and lowering your self-esteem?

1. Learn to spot the difference: Constructive vs. Destructive criticism

Even though both versions of criticism are challenging your personality, capabilities, and ideas, there is a crucial difference between them:

Destructive criticism attacks your overall personality, and not your particular actions. It is just inappropriate feedback given by people who mostly characterized as inconsiderate and lack concern for others. This kind of criticism comes wrapped only in words that can evoke negative feelings and be malicious to your confidence. It is usually given at the worst timing, in the presence of other people, and it shouldn’t be taken personally. Answer this criticism calmly or not at all, and get yourself out of surroundings made of people keen on this type of negativity.

Destructive feedback: “You just can’t help yourself when we are having meetings with other people, you always keep interrupting me while speaking!”

Constructive criticism focuses on your actions and not your overall personality, while at the same time shows you ways of improvement. This type of feedback is easier to accept, even though it has to hurt a little bit. You, like many other people, will probably try and react with defensiveness and anger or — even worse — attack the person giving you feedback. Yet, hopefully, after recognizing its constructive potential after reading this article — you will stop, think for a minute, and listen. This type of criticism is always given privately, empathetically, and often comes from people that really care about us and want us to grow.

Constructive feedback: “I noticed that you got all carried out during that meeting, and unintentionally came across my thoughts while I was speaking. I suggest that we make an agenda for our next meeting and set a deal to ask for a jump-in if interruption is necessary. What do you think?”

2. Listen and don’t minimize the problem

You have been served with constructive criticism? Good. The first thing you should do is STOP and LISTEN. Get several minutes to just listen, put your efforts in trying to understand what is this all about, and stop your negative emotions from rushing out. You might think: is this really that big of a deal? Well, if someone took the time and the effort to mirror you on your actions and not just silently let you out of their lives — it must be important.

3. Don’t make excuses and don’t put blame on others

If someone has the courage to tell you that one of your actions was offensive to others, don’t waste time explaining that you are not responsible for the reactions of your audience and that someone else gave you instructions on acting like that. Instead, ask why it was offensive. Then listen carefully. And learn.

4. Recognize that it is there

It is basically the first step in overcoming every weakness of ours and turning it into strength: recognize it, tackle the issue, and set your way towards self-improvement. It won’t be easy, but the good news is that the first ally that is going to sincerely help you overcome it - is sitting right in front of you.

5. Apologize and solicit advice

You might think: “Do I really need to apologize even if I haven’t still completely figured out what I did wrong?” - The answer is YES. If things were going to be clear for you at the very first moment, you wouldn’t even conduct actions that are requiring criticism. It takes time for you to connect the dots and see clearly for yourself. But at the moment, you need to apologize for the consequences of your actions that probably made a mess or hurt someone’s feelings. Take the even higher road and ask: What else can I do to make it all right?

6. Say: thank you

When you will realize that people who constructively criticized you actually are the ones that genuinely care for you and want to make things better, then you will feel the urge to go to them and say: thank you. This will be your growing moment in its best appearance.

“When people stop giving you constructive criticism, they have most likely have given up on you.”

Remember, when someone offers you constructive criticism, this individual makes himself or herself vulnerable to criticism. That is why people are so rarely honest about what they really think of others - because they are afraid of getting one back. So when you are being served with this raw, roasting, yet constructive dish — take it! People who give it have already received it in large doses themselves, and they have realized a long time ago that thanks to it — they grew.

Nobody’s perfect. From time to time, we all need others to let us know if we are doing something wrong and teach us how to make it right. Take that blessing that comes in the shape of constructive criticism — and use it to improve your skills, work more productively, build healthy relationships, and unlock the next better version of yourself.