fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
If your friends have these characteristics, part ways immediately.
By: Kennedy Montecue
Tags: Narcissism, Toxic Relationships, Toxic Friendships, Friendship

They call or text you when they need something, then disappear when they get it.

This was something she was really good at. I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks on end, then when she needed someone with the resources wanted, she’d constantly nag and push me to hurry up.

Like wanting to use my Hulu or Netflix account on the regular without contributing to the subscription bill and finding a car for her that’s the highest 3,000 dollars. Keep in mind that I hadn’t actually seen her in months; years even. We just stayed in contact with each other through phone calls (all of this was pre-pandemic.)

Then when she got what she needed, or couldn’t get what she wanted how she wanted it, I wouldn’t hear from her for another few months or so. At this point, I really should have seen the ways of her character way before this point, I felt like she was literally my only friend and I was desperate to keep this one which should tell you where I was in my self-esteem

They fight you when you call them out of their B.S.

There were many times where I’d catch her in a lie, or she’d have something called narcissistic amnesia, and she’d yell, scream, and talk over me to make herself seem bigger and that her fabricated stories weren't’ false or to the point where I was so exhausted from arguing with her, I stop talking.

Somehow every time this would happen, I’d turn into the bad guy and end up apologizing for something I didn’t do or have anything to do with.

They make you feel bad about yourself.

There was a time where I wasn’t as confident as I am in myself today, and because she knew that, she was able to manipulate my thoughts and emotions which compelled me to think her words had some truth.

At first, she would start off happy about what was going on in my life and seem completely supportive of my ventures and mental health. Then, she would slowly say little snarky and back-handed remarks about my complexion, or I have to dress in an uncomfortable way to get male attention. Which is something you should never tell someone that’s young-minded with self-esteem issues.

Thinking about it now, It just showed how ignorant she truly was and how she had to bring me down to make her feel high and mightily about herself. At the end of each and every phone call, she would say “be encouraged” like her words were something to be revered.

There are many more incidents that occurred when I was in that relationship. Some things that were said were so damn hurtful I didn’t want to mention in this article, and others I probably blocked out of my mind.

All I know is my life has been so much sweeter without her in it, and if I wouldn’t have broken it off her I would be unsure of my life choices, even more anxious, and lonely due to never letting anyone else in.

I now know the difference because of the healthy relationships I had after the one with this person ended. I was able to see the difference in them and make room for the ones that mattered.

Take-Aways.
In-vasive species
Tags: Narcissism, Parenting, Poetry

My Dear lovely mother,

whom I’ve been taught I must obey,

Grows a little, gentle flower

that she carries around all day.

It is indeed a lovely flower,

It’s gold, it’s fresh, it’s fair

‘It is really like your mother’

she says so I’m aware.

But recently I’ve noticed

that the plant became attached

to the middle of her stomach,

yet she behaves unscratched.

Yes, daffodils are pretty

They’re really quite a sight

but when they are your mother

they trigger fight or flight.

And every time we mention

the daffodil, it grows.

Engulfing our mother,

announcing all these words:

After everything I’ve done,

you show me no respect.

have you seen my pretty petals?

If you miss them you’ll regret…

Wait, oh wait, repeat that.

Sure, blame it all on me.

I will be the villain

and make you lot some tea

and iron all your clothes

and clean your bedrooms too

All of you are so ungrateful

No, I don’t want to talk to you.

And so the flower grows,

Feeding off our fear.

I hope it lets her go

before her end is near.
Their psychopathy is strongly enmeshed with a virulent narcissism.
By: Kay Valley
Tags: Greed, Psychopathy, Hate, Narcissism, Racism

Their psychopathy is strongly enmeshed with a virulent narcissism. We know there’s no cure for either condition.

And they’ve infected much of the world with their antipathy and hate.

I’m from Canada. We’re not immune.
Narcissism
By: Voicing Freedom
Tags: Self, Narcopathy, Personality Disorders, Narcissism, Npd

Narcissistic personality disorder - Symptoms and causes

Narcissistic personality disorder - one of several types of personality disorders - is a mental condition in which…
The fiddler fiddles on about stolen elections while the country burns under the rage of the…
By: Don Feazelle
Tags: Cyber Attack Real Time, Election 2020, Self Centered, Narcissism, Covid 19

The fiddler fiddles on about stolen elections while the country burns under the rage of the COVID-19 infections.

A new insidious viral infection not of flesh or blood but a cyber-attack with ill intentions, yet he continues to stroke his off-key notes, deaf to the outcry from across the land. Even his former allies, he does withstand playing on with a steady hand.

Does he not realize his end is nigh? Another’s time to step on high. The fiddler refuses a new song. Only the song in which he is the hero to his following throng. Will he leave a trail of devastation in his wake, all because to him, all that is contrary is fake.

We look back through the portals of time to wonder, “Is this fiddler a reincarnation of another?”

Photo by Dominik Scythe on Unsplash

Do you need a break from the negativity of the news? Or, you prefer satire, humor, or fiction? The Whole Toad News Service is found at https://donfeazelle.medium.com/
When it should have.
By: Shaun Thomas Villafana
Tags: Dynamics, Logical Fallacies, Social Psychology, Narcissism, Sincerity

When it should have. The Oral Polio Vaccine had paralyzed over 490,000 Indian children. The Indian parliament asked “PATH" (a Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation funded organization- who was being funded by Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation at the time ) to leave India and not return, politely.

Immediately as the common narcissistic tact goes — the press released a series of “debunks" which headlined as:

“No —Bill Gates did NOT get kicked out of India for the Polio Vaccine.”

-none of which even mentioned the Peer reviewed science paper published which gave the full research data substantiating the claim,

-and all of which gas-lit the main point behind the matter of the claim to begin with by use of parroted logical fallacies, red herring and scarecrow fallacy.

These narratives are commonly propagated under one or two pretence.

Either:

the publishing party had a traceable and clear-as-verified conflict of interest by affiliation to Bill Gates' or Manufacturer-owned industry; or, the author had a history of narcissistic harassment of whistleblowers threatening their false illusion of reality, which most likely comprised of rainbow unicorn farts and an industrial complex which is run by cherubim and Jesus Christ partnered with Santa Claus ensuring a perfectly ethical and moral standard upon the wealthy conglomerate corporatocracy — aside of course their historically racist eugenics human experimentation projects Argentina faced, or their losses in anti-trust lawsuits.

The overtone of insincerity by the like to the latter of the two is reflective of every definition to which we might attribute the term “narcissist”, such as the use of flying-monkeys, the gas-lighting, but more so prominently is the factor that they simply do not care about anyone others other than themselves.

This is measurable through the lack of consideration of others who are victims of the grotesque criminal actions these industries commit.

They simply seem to wish to utilize their harassment of those harmed and those standing up for those harmed — in order to rally social status — the only thing they care about.

I very much attribute this to the likings of the antichrist-consciousness, as it was exactly that type of narcissism which rallied the crowd to kill Jesus Christ.
My Doll
By: Helena Toto
Tags: Mental Illness, Poetry, Children, Narcissism, Love

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash

I never loved you

I held you in my body, laughing each time you moved

not in delight, but in the glee

of your misfortune to be born to me

What a terrible mother I must make

If only you could have chosen someone else

Someone with kindness in her eyes

As for me, I’m glad I have you,

for you are my one accomplishment,

My legacy stitched in blood
3 Important Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Sooner in Life
By: C On S C I O U S, C H A N G E
Tags: Self Improvement, Narcissistic Abuse, Relationships, Narcissism, Women

#1. Choose your circle wisely

The wrong people will drag you down and some of them deliberately so. Have you heard the saying that you are the sum of the 5 closest people to you? Well, it's true.

“Choose your friends wisely. They will either make or break you.” ____ J. Willard Marriott

The people you surround yourself with will eventually either make or break you. Many of us fail to recognize that the people we have chosen as friends or life partners may not necessarily be the best for us and can actually influence us negatively.

Sadly some of those ‘friends’ can turn out to be nothing more than frenemies. People that you think have got your back but are secretly gunning to see you fail.

You’ll only realize this though when the hard times hit and you happen to see the narcissistic smirk creep across their face as they relish in delight at your failures. That wry evil smile of delight that a narcissist displays when they see you hurting over something.

It can be devastating to realize that those people you considered dear friends were really only ever down for the good times and waiting for your downfall. Narcissists are masters at pretending to be best your best friend whilst simultaneously stabbing you in the back.

They target people who can provide them something; money, sex, status, etc. They seek to extract at all times and will never waste a second on someone who can’t benefit them in some way. If you are a giving person you will naturally attract these types.

When we’re young we don't yet have the life experience to see where our poor choices will lead us. However, as the saying goes: ‘when you know better you do better’.

If I’d had the knowledge then that I have now I would have been a lot pickier about the people I chose to let into my life. The wrong people will wreak havoc in your life and then sit back with popcorn to enjoy the shit show they created.
It’s Not Your Fault — Shame and Narcissistic Abuse
By: Lisa Beth Wright
Tags: Personal Growth, Life, Relationships, Narcissism, Life Lessons

He then proceeded to tell me that he couldn’t forgive me and I had “dumped on him” for years. I—have no idea what that means, and he refused to clarify.

You know what? I’m done with this asshole and I want my damn house key back. How dare he treat me that way and refuse to give me my key back! It’s all about power for him. He likes to see me crawl.

If I had any doubts before, now I know he is a full-fledged narcissist. He made me the brunt of his abusive tirade, and at perhaps the most vulnerable time of my life.

I was in a state of shock when he left. I called a friend sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t even speak.

I hate him and want him out of my life. I’m sorry we met.
Top 6 Signs You’re Being Lovebombed by a Narcissist
By: C On S C I O U S, C H A N G E
Tags: Soulmates, Relationships, Narcissism, Life Lessons, Women

So, you’ve finally met your Prince Charming? He’s tall, good looking, intelligent and so, so utterly charming.

The kind of guy you would bring home to meet the folks. He’s everything you’ve always wished for. You feel like you’ve hit the jackpot with this one.

‘Wow — I’ve struck gold’ you think as he fawns over you and tells you everything you have ever wanted to hear and more.

It feels like something straight out of a fairytale — you’re now living the romantic dream you had always sought.

Now you know all those Disney films weren’t a waste of time and now you’ve finally found the fairytale romance to prove it or so you thought…

Being raised on a modern-day diet of Rom Coms and Chick flicks leads us to create the unrealistic perception that our prince or princess charming is waiting just around the corner for us if we just search hard enough.

It teaches us to expect endless days of sunshine and roses from our partners and that if we just meet the right one we’ll find that famous ‘happily ever after’.

However in reality those of us that allow ourselves to fall prey to this type of romanticized thinking are setting ourselves up to be targeted by a narcissist or other manipulative type.

Yes, I use the word targeted because that’s exactly what a narcissist does- they execute a well thought out and meticulously planned game to entrap you in their web and love-bombing is one of their favorite tools to get you believing in them.

Let’s delve into what love-bombing actually looks like and how to recognize it quickly so you don’t fall prey to it too. Does any of this look familiar to you? If so, take heed…
The Lady, Crown, and Bird with Broken Wings
By: Bird With Broken Wings
Tags: Heartbreak, Fairy Tale, Sacrifice, Narcissism, Love

The Lady, Crown, and Bird with Broken Wings, 2020

This is a manuscript of a dark fairy tale scheduled to be released in 2021. It tells of a story about a bird with broken wings whom serenaded love through sacrifice, and a lady made queen who grew to obsess about her crown, eventually overcome by her own selfish desire.

Once upon a time, there was a kind and beautiful lady, who would feed the birds with bread crumbs.

There was a bird with broken wings who is hungry, sad, and alone.

“Hey bird, eat my crumbs,” the lady said.

The bird fell in love with the lady, and put her on a pedestal.

The little bird made her the queen

and treated her with all the luxuries.

One day, the bird found out that the lady was treating the other birds with bread crumbs all along.

The bird confronted her.

Fearing that her crown will be taken away, the lady left.

The bird with broken wings realised that… It is a bird with broken wings.

The lady recalled that the reason she has this crown, it must have been because she is so wonderful from feeding the birds with breadcrumbs.

In order to keep the lady feeding them, the other birds said,

“You are the queen!”

But the more the lady feed the other birds, the more the crown fades away…

Eventually, the crown fell off to the ground.

The lady realised that the crown was made up of all the crumbs she had fed to the bird with broken wings.

Missing her crown, the lady went to ask the bird with broken wings, if she could still have the crown.

But because the bird had not ate the crumbs gathered all along, the bird died.

Annoyed that she could not have her crown, the lady went back to the other birds, hoping that she would be able to have a crown.

However, after she went back, the other birds grew so big and fat, that they wanted more from her. If she does not give them more crumbs, they will crush her.

And so, she ran.
Orange
By: Naomi Folb
Tags: Resilience, Mindfulness, Poetry, Narcissism, Creativity

when it struck

we were forced

inside

stillness

became us

with nothing

to busy us

our homes

were our diaries

filled with resistance

uncertainty

then conviction

we had to commit

to being safe

so we wrote lists

of things needed

we wanted

our minds

wandered

to the past

and one another

we connected

withdrew

made decisions

were silent in thought

on the emptiness

of corners

we choose to clean

or ignore

with no structures

to place

the value of living

I discovered

my home

was unsafe

the daily

forgiveness

for wrong

I had committed

was trauma

not love

my hope

for the world

which was vacuumed

was dance

and my children

bound to gratitude

for nature

joy in creativity

and imagination

was snug

between rocks

I listened

to the ocean

and let it in.
Gruesome ‘Tower of Skulls’ Discovery in Mexico Unearths Over 100 Aztec Sacrifices
Tags: Narcissism, Nature

Mexican archaeologists said Friday that they had found remains of 119 more people, including women and a number of other children, during a centuries-old Aztec “tower of skulls” within the heart of the capital.

The new discovery was announced after an eastern section of the Huei Tzompantli was uncovered along with the outer facade, five years after the northeastern side was found.

Archaeologists believe that a lot of the skulls belonged to captured enemy warriors which the tower was intended as a warning to rivals of the Aztec empire, which was overthrown by Spanish conquistadors in 1521.

Some of the remains might be of individuals who were killed in ritual sacrifices to appease the gods, consistent with experts quoted during a statement released by the National Anthropology and History Institute.

“Although we cannot determine how many of these individuals were warriors, perhaps some were captives set aside for sacrificial ceremonies,” archaeologist Barrera Rodriguez said.

The tower, 4.7 meters (15.4 feet) in diameter, is assumed to possess been built around the end of the 15th century.

It is located within the area of the Templo Mayor, one among the most temples of the Aztec capital Tenochtitlan within the historic district of modern-day Mexico City.

In total, more than 600 skulls have now been found at the site, which Mexican authorities have described as one of the country’s most important archaeological discoveries in years.

“At every step, the Templo Mayor continues to surprise us,” Culture Minister Alejandra Frausto said in a statement.

“The Huei Tzompantli is, without a doubt, one among the foremost impressive archaeological finds in our country in recent years.”

The statement noted that in Mesoamerica human sacrifice was seen as a way of ensuring the continued existence of the universe.

For that reason, experts consider the tower to be “a building of life instead of death,” it said.
I’m totally with you!
Tags: Narcissism

I’m totally with you! I don’t dislike Ellen but have basically removed her from my life. There’s definitely some narcissistic behavior going on on her part. Diminishing others to elevate your perception of your own status is toxicity that we should all avoid. Sorry…not sorry — that we can’t all be as perfect as Ellen. (Insert sparky sarcasm here)
I am sorry you understand my words so well!
By: Sarah K Ramsey
Tags: Toxic Relationships, Healing, Healing From Trauma, Narcissism, Love

I am sorry you understand my words so well! But, happy my words help! I get my book Toxic Person Proof to my editor next week so many more words to come in the near future!
Overcoming a Relationship with a Narcissist
By: Kara Summers
Tags: Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Healing, Relationships, Narcissism

Overcoming a Relationship with a Narcissist

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

It’s been half a year since he left. I’ve been to different therapies, support groups, read a lot of books and written about my experience. No day has passed where I didn’t think about him.

There were days when I didn’t cry and some days when I managed to ban him from my thoughts for a few hours. There were also days when I was able to enjoy things again.

I was making slow progress.

A few weeks after he broke up with me, I started discovering everything I could about narcissism and psychological abuse. I went through a discovery process, working through everything that had happened and putting it into the context of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Then I slowly focused on my healing. I knew it would be a difficult path and that it would be more of a roller-coaster ride than a steady process. I also knew that I had to detach myself from him, leave the job where I would still see him every day and not get upset over how effortlessly he had moved on months earlier.

But last week, I made a discovery

Last week was the moment I finally had to give up on the idea that anything he‘d ever done or said was real. It destroyed any happy memory I still had left and made me realise that he’d never had any feelings for me. Our whole relationship was an act — the sole purpose was to feed his ego. All the love I gave him would have never been enough.

Last week, I started speaking to his other girlfriend. Until then, I didn’t know they were in a relationship and she didn’t know that we were either, though he had started dating her a couple of months into ours.

When I first spoke to her, we began a whole new journey of discovery — this one even bigger than the last. We found out about another girl he was seeing before her and then another one who overlapped both of us. He told us both he had not had sex with anyone else in his life apart from his wife. How many more had there been?
I Love My Neighbor for Your Sake
By: Ida Adams
Tags: Christianity, Election 2020, Politics, Narcissism, Racism

The election is over. Can we please get on with life? Can we work together for the good of all? Regardless of race, religion, language, color, political affiliation?

Can we please trust that this was the most secure election in the history of the United States? Can we please acknowledge that most people are sick of the fact that the White House and mighty America is a laughing stock in the eyes of the world, our allies alienated, the efforts to befriend bullies come to nothing?

Can we please accept that running around with our guns, MAGA hats, and revolutionary anti-democratic ideas, kicking at the down and outs that are hopeful immigrants, ignoring science -

Can we please accept that we are not better because we are white?

I am sick of walking down the road and still seeing signs and flags on pristine lawns.

IT’S OVER.

I am doing my darndest to love my neighbor for His sake. That is what He told me to do.

But Lord, it’s so hard. I cling to this lovely prayer I found and find I’m failing.

Act of Love

“O my God, I love Thee above all things with my whole heart and soul, because Thou art all good and worthy of all love. I love my neighbor as myself for love of Thee. I forgive all who have injured me, and I ask pardon for all whom I have injured.”

https://www.xavier.edu/jesuitresource/online-resources/prayer-
“Calling out a Narcissist”
By: Anneka Clarke
Tags: Tips, Advice, Narcissistic Abuse, Narcissism, Stories

Narcissism isn’t readily identified as it should be. In fact, I'm willing to bet every person who has every lived and breathe has come in contact with someone so engulfed with their existence they forget about you and your needs. Sad to say, these people are our husbands, wives, parents, closest friends and relatives.

The most liberating moment is becoming detached from a narcissistic individual. It is at this point that you will regenerate your vibrations and continue to solidify your true meaning in life. I know because I have personally gotten too close to people who have snatched the very life out of my soul. I too had been bamboozled into thinking that I had found the ‘best’ person on earth only to be rewarded with the biggest conflicting period and total identity crisis.

Despite the aforementioned title, do not try to tell or show a person who possess narcissistic traits that you are aware and on to them.

Why you may ask? For one simple reason. Deflection! It is just something they do. You can never get them to come to an agreement even if the truth opened their eyes and slapped them in their face. They actually believe their intelligence far outweighs any other human being not only in the planet, but the universe. To be fair, they are in fact very smart individuals but not all-knowing as they learn new information like everyone else. Also, even if they were wrong… they wouldn’t admit it.

As I've mentioned before, It isn't easy to readily identify these individuals because of their ability to mask and take on a complete different persona in the eye of the public. As long as you don’t get too close, you would never know. They have the brightest smiles, highest pitched voice and crushing hugs.

Join me as I divulge my journey of dealing with narcissism as well as riveting stories of my encounters and their results.
The countdown
By: Dee May
Tags: Journalism, Independent, Space, Anxiety, Narcissism

It’s been officially three years since I started my own food culture print publication.

Yes, that’s right. Print. When almost every naysayer screamed digital.

Looking back, I’m glad I ignored the non-believers, who ironically today, are the ones who assume I will give them copies of the magazine for free.

I’m now working on elements of the fourth and fifth issues here from Rimbun Dahan — an artists’ residency that has opened their space to hundreds of upcoming creatives since ‘94.

They’ve very kindly offered me a place to live, work and breathe from over the past two and a half months. My time here is almost up.

My heart is so heavy thinking about the concrete and iron walls, the echo chamber and the cacophony of beraters I have to return to once I leave this safe space.

A space that is safe to be; safe to create; safe to question; safe to explore; safe to take the day off; safe from judgement; and most importantly, safe from the people who try to pull your pants down in the process of pulling you down in their attempts of preventing you from tearing away from their level of mediocrity and narcissism.

Am I afraid to leave this place in the next three weeks or so? Of course I am.

Will I reluctantly return to the “norm” that is expected of me by individuals in a society that never fully celebrated my curiosity and desire for adventure and the empathy that I carry within myself? Empathy, a sense of being and feeling that I couldn’t identify or label as ‘empathy’ until recently. A feeling deep inside that I never really understood why and what drove me to question the many things that have piqued my interest over the years. A force that has drawn me into a rabbit hole of research and primary referrals deep into rural areas and everyday issues conveniently swept off the porch.

No.

No, I will not return to this norm that I have sought to free myself from.

Now that I’ve experienced and seen the possibility of kindness, trust and conducive abundance, shared without threats and guilt, I know there must be others like them.

I hope in this pocket, which I now call home, I will be able to find another one soon enough. Be it by a body of water, under a rainforest canopy, or simply far away. Far away from here.
Thank L. A. Yep, it was The Worst. I’m glad you’re out too : D x
By: Chelsey Flood
Tags: Addiction, Mindfulness, Relationships, Narcissism, Love

Thank L. A. Yep, it was The Worst. I’m glad you’re out too : D x
I Love the Narcissism of a Sagittarius
By: Lindsay Seligman
Tags: Vanity, Selfish, Bitch, Narcissism, Loving

November 25th, 2020

I love the narcissism, vanity, confidence and entitlement of a Sagittarius, both male and female. So sensitive, they truly believe the world is watching them all the time. They love fiercely and without any doubt.
Nice article Carrie
By: The Word
Tags: Narcissism, Self Improvement

Four Different Personas That Appear In Relationships

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I have added you as a writer! Thanks for joining Relationship Stories. Happy writing
By: Agnes Laurens
Tags: Publication, Life, Relationships, Narcissism, Love

I have added you as a writer! Thanks for joining Relationship Stories. Happy writing!
The Narcissistic “Rabbit Hole”
By: Lioness Heart
Tags: Narcissism, Awareness, Love, Relationships

It has come to my conscious awareness this year that I have been the victim of a narcissistic partner. It always seemed that something was wrong in the dynamics between my partner and I, with behaviors that did’t quite make sense, nor were they justified. Now, I recognize how my perception was so “tainted” that I haven’t actually connected the dots.

When we are in love, we somehow try to build expectations, hoping that our views on relationships and love are fulfilled with this or that particular partner. Little did we know that it is our own projections and insecurities that deny us from seeing the actual reality in front of us. The push and pull gets us so exhausted that at some point, we simply surrender and give up, and again, go into this narcissistic rabbit hole. We think “What if they changed” and “I know he/she loves me, but he/she doesn’t know how to express emotions”, or we even start doubting ourselves thinking “I have to be more understanding, he/she is going into a rough patch”. All these internal thoughts are actually the ones that deny us from realizing that, due to the narcissistic loophole, of so many times of gaslighting, bullying, mental and emotional abuse, we are “no longer thinking straight” and we become the “victim player” in the equation.

For me, I have always felt that “I don’t want to be a victim anymore.” and “Why am I putting up with this shit?!” but never was I able to gain strength to save myself from this dynamic. Yes, I say save because being in a narcissistic relationship imprisons you in such a way you actually need to rescue what’s left of your sanity and start healing it. Social upbringing and limited beliefs (even childhood love songs like Bon Jovi’s “Love hurts”) got us thinking that love hurts and we need to keep at it and always strive to “work on the relationship”, when in fact this just leads to more pain and suffering.

It was only when during this pandemic, that I had the real chance of facing my actual “self” and regain the connection between my heart and soul. In the part of the World where I live, there has never been a definitive awareness and proper communication about mental illnesses such as Narcissism, nor about the destructive consequences of being with one. This person, so I learned, can be your parent, friend, or your partner. So, with this awareness in mind, I started to gain clear perspective on things, analyzed behaviors, spotted patterns and drew insightful conclusions that literally changed my whole reality! F**k, I was indeed in a relationship with a narcissist for quite some time, I never noticed it because of all this mental and emotional abuse! It goes even deeper than this to the fact that I was raised by a narcissistic parent, the root to all the unresolved issues. And only when I drew these conclusions, was I finally “Free”.
Dumb and materialistic enough to overlook the same reason his wife left. He’s a lowsy person.
By: Hogan Torah
Tags: Insecurity, Chad, Infidelity, Social Media, Narcissism

What do you mean, tainted by life?

I’m A CEO, 50 & A Former Sugar Daddy — Here’s What I Want You To Know
High-Conflict Co-Parents Love Starting Holiday Drama. This Year, Please, Don’t Let Them.
By: Tiffany Madison
Tags: Conflict, Communication, Parenting Advice, Parenting, Narcissism

It’s December 8th, 2020. John has been busy at work making year-end numbers and eagerly anticipates the approaching Christmas break. After a treacherous year for his sales department, he’s looking forward to closing out the year with his 10-year-old son, Noah, and a new girlfriend, Sara.

John takes his girlfriend Christmas shopping. They enjoy their first restaurant since March. As they leave for the evening, the social distanced Santa, light snow, and holiday music lighten the dread he’s felt for the last nine months. John feels almost…cheerful. Happy.

On the way to Sara’s apartment, “Caroline” flashes across John’s text notifications. Sara sighs. 10 months of dating and she knows how these exchanges impact John’s mood. For the rest of the evening, he’ll be annoyed, worried, and stressed. So much for Christmas movies and sex.

Noah’s mom, Caroline, is a high conflict addict needing a fix. John is like her reliable heroin supply. Caroline is also subconsciously starting a path of parental alienation and building a narrative that John is an unengaged parent. A court hearing to restrict his visits or ask for more child support is ahead. Retaliation for the new girlfriend.

The exchange goes like this:

John had no obligation to respond to this message.

Sara went to bed early. John pondered the exchange most of the night. Was she lying? Why would she do that? Did Noah feel abandoned? John had worried the divorce would impact him emotionally, like John’s parent’s divorce had done to him. For six hours he mentally backflipped over the meaning of the exchange and what to say to their son.

Caroline won a game John never wanted to play. And John let it happen.
Red Flags To Look Out For.
By: Saoirse Lorraine
Tags: Abuse, Communication, Red Flags, Relationships, Narcissism

Hi, are you worried you’re missing red flags in someone you’re potentially wanting to be with? Let me talk you through some signs to look out for!

The first red flag you should be aware of is ‘LOVE BOMBING’. Do they seem far too keen early on? Do they shower you with compliments before getting to know you? Are they willing to do almost anything for you, before the relationship even begins? — These are all signs of coercive behaviour and love bombing.

Secondly, JEALOUSY. If somebody you’re speaking to becomes very invested in your life and who you’re spending your time with, it may be innocent, however, if they get upset or treat you differently when you’re spending time with someone other than them, this could be a MASSIVE red flag. Coming from somebody who has been in an abusive relationship, this is never a good sign! A persons jealousy will only heighten as the relationship progresses.. If you think just being with them will stop this, it wont.

Thirdly, NEGATIVE ABOUT EX’s. Does this person tell you their ex was a ‘psycho’ or ‘crazy’… if yes, run a mile. I’m kidding, but that is a VERY bad sign. At first you might believe this person, especially if you like them; you might even feel bad for them. Look at it like this, what did that person do to make their ex a ‘psycho’ or crazy.. most people don’t just react negatively to a good person. Often a person is labelled as crazy if they have experienced REACTIVE ABUSE.. what’s that you say? You’ll have to wait for my post dedicated to abuse! Stay tuned.

A LACK OF COMMUNICATION, and SECRETIVE. If a person tends to lack communication with you when you’re apart this might mean they’re not that into you, or you’re low on their priority list. If they also come across secretive, are very vague about their past and themself in general this could be a possible red flag. I’m not saying you should question or investigate them, maybe they just struggle to open up, but a lack of communication often indicates a lack of interest.. just be careful, especially if this person was a complete stranger to you before you started speaking. You never truly know a person.
The Gift of Estrangement
By: Cesaly Blake
Tags: Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, Estranged

It’s been a year and half since I became estranged from my family. I was 35 and in the midst of a contentious divorce from an addict. Needless to say, timing was not optimal. While I was blindsided at the time, looking back it was more like swallowing the reality of everything I never wanted to admit to myself about our relationship was true; in one giant razor sharp pill. Crushed, broken, and paralyzed with fear, I sat in disbelief of what had happened in a way that still hurts to this day. It was like being unplugged from the Matrix; you could no longer ignore what’s in front of you. But what I also experienced then and now, is a growing sense of peace and contentment. Time and space bring a perspective not seen up close. I came to understand my family was not healthy, and to expect healthy behavior from unhealthy people is a waste of time for everyone. Away from their influence, I broke free from maladaptive beliefs I had about myself such as: being responsible for other peoples’ feelings and experience; that my own understanding and experiences are negotiable; that my worthiness was conditional to my usefulness. Leveraging relationships and playing emotional chicken for compliance and control would no longer be tolerated. I wont betray myself and be forced into playing a role in someone else’ narrative so THEY can like themselves. Most importantly I found the confidence to advocate for myself. I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT CHALLENGES MY WORTH, OR RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT. Being estranged from my family taught me that loving adult relationships consist of mutual respect and reciprocity. While I’m sad the relationship is broken, I’m beyond grateful for the knowledge, self love, freedom, and peace I have come to enjoy away from them.
The Shame Ahead
By: Gene Chung
Tags: Shame, Trump, Trauma, Narcissism, Isolationism

The Collapsed Narcissist: This central void is fueled by a lack of identity and sense of self which makes a person suffering from narcissism painfully dependent on others for self-definition, although (as we all know) they would run a million miles from admitting dependence.

Having flailing codependency throughout my life, and being in relationships romantically, and professionally, with people that possess cluster B disorders (It’s actually a thing — called the human magnet syndrome), I honestly believe, it might get worse, before it gets better.

What most people don’t realize, having not read the DSM-III, and IV, for shits and giggles growing up in the 80s and 90s, throughout their middle school and high school years, is that cluster Bs have an inherent, and deeply toxic trauma/shame, and mortification paradigm.

Everything they create in their reality, based primarily to avoid this shame and trauma, propels their false selves forward. In some instances, these false selves, if nurtured by a professional therapist, and a strong support network, can overcome their prior belief patterns based on primitive compulsions — survival, and the desperate need to feel love, and to be connected.

If the false self does not have these requirements, then, collapse, and ego regression. If you have ever heard, or seen, an adult regress into a three year old state, I assure you, it is terrifying. What is even more terrifying, and completely reprehensible, is that, as a nation state, along with the the global zeitgeist of isolationism, is that we chose a narcissist to be our president.

I also assure you, that the most dangerous thing to do, is to fall in love with the image of a narcissist. Because as the mask breaks away, the mirror reflection of what you see before you, are the worst bits of yourself intertwined with that man-child. When he leaves office, just remember that, for some people who have left their narcissistic partners, it can take years of healing before they feel right in the head, and heart again.

I pray for courage in the tough times ahead, and a hefty dose of compassion for all human beings.
The NarcFree Solution- Helping Others
By: The Narcfree Solution
Tags: Narc, Abuser, Abuse Culture, Books And Authors, Narcissism

The NarcFree Solution- Helping Others

As I think back to a year and a half ago, I cannot believe that my life is so different than it once was. Living with Narcissistic abuse is not only debilitating, at the time that it happens, but can stay with you forever if you let it. Writing the NarcFree Solution was my way to tell the Universe that I was not going to keep myself down and that I would use this opportunity to do what I can to rid others of this toxic abuse syndrome. This singular goal keeps me motivated to keep going and to finish what I started. Every day, I go to work and help families who are struggling with abuse within their own lives and strive to show them that there is a better way. A better way far from the abuse and the intrusive thoughts that threaten to consume victims’ lives. A life consumed by thoughts of doubt and self- hatred is a life not well lived. As past or soon to be ex-victims, we need to get the word out that there are ways to overcome this vicious cycle and to inspire others to do the same. As the Holiday’s come upon us and so many of us are struggling on our own, I challenge each and every one of you to reach out to someone and lend a helping hand or heart. It may be to someone new in a community that you are a part of or it may be to someone you work with. No matter who, take the initiative to offer them the help and support that you have been given or would have liked when you were still trapped within the abuse. I urge you not to stay quiet; Not to let abusers manipulate and destroy lives, but to create awareness around the globe so that families will have brighter days, strong support systems and hope for the future. I wish to you all a wonderful and glorious NarcFree Holiday and best wishes for you and yours.
Don’t Give A Show
By: Destiny S. Harris
Tags: Self Help, Giving, Wisdom, Narcissism, Life Lessons

Don’t Give A Show

People want to be seen, heard, loved, and praised. So much that they think giving conspicuously will give them the approval, fulfillment, and affirmation they crave.

“When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure — ‘playactors’ I call them — treating (giving to others) […] as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it — quietly and unobtrusively. […]. Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. […]” Matthew 6:1–4 MSG

Giving is a subtle art — something to be done as a selfless act. When we give, we give to ourselves because giving heals, restores, spreads joy, grants happiness, and blesses those who partake.

The world doesn’t need more people to give productions of when they give. The world needs more people who give when no one is watching, and no external or immediate reward is involved.

Giving-shows aren’t what last; giving is what lasts.
Black boy muse blues’
By: Brandon Williams
Tags: Narcissism, Self Love

I’ve been someone’s muse for the last few years of my life. Allowing them to use me as a prop to propel them to their own best interests, their own journeys of self love and spiritual awakening. Being left with crumbs & trauma in the aftermath. Feeling like I gave every piece of me to help other people become the fully fleshed out individuals they deserve to be and reserving none of that dedication for myself. I’ve been cruel to the man I’ve always dreamt of being.

Is it “evil” to use someone as a stepping stool while you attempt to recover from all of your traumas? Absolutely. I wouldn’t argue against it of course. But I can’t help but feel accountable for allowing it to continue for so long. Being on this life-long pursuit of loving myself, I’ve come to understand the importance of self awareness and how my own responsibilities in situations have led me to this very place. It’s very easy to feel like “woe is me” but doing that leads no room for growth, for self reflection, or for accepting and improving all of your flaws.

I’ve had to question my own pathetic narcissism. Narcissism so strong that I believed that If I allowed myself to withstand emotional abuse and wiped away their tears every time they shed that they would know I was always there. Always there to support and love them the way they “needed” to be loved. How fucking egotistical of me. To think that's how love is supposed to be, to think being a savior would keep someone. To think being a savior was love.

Now of course, this isn’t all on me. I’m a firm believer in multiple things can be true at once. I was emotionally neglected and abused, strung along for years while they recovered from the traumas of their childhood and scorned lovers but I’d be negligent to acknowledge the role I played in the dynamic. I have to acknowledge my shortcomings because without them it will be impossible to be the man I need to be. I am who I am because of them, not in spite of them.

A muse I will be no more. A scapegoat, a stepping stool, a savior, a narcissist. All elements of who I was, and sometimes who I still am, but who I will be no more.
narcissus
By: Ashlan Isadore Mchugh
Tags: Narcissistic Abuse, Poetry, Narcissus, Narcissism, Drowning

narcissus

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

I would drown

I would not gasp for breath

I would not grasp for life

my bubbles

my breath

my pneuma

would have disturbed

Your Reflection

you could look down upon

the still waters

See Yourself

and you would not see me

through the surface

I would breathe water

I would become a hadal shadow

I would not have you

hold me under.
Absolutely!
By: Alex D
Tags: Narcissism, Emotional Maturity, Emotional Immaturity

Absolutely! There is much we can learn from those who tend towards the narcissistic end of the spectrum. The same goes for psychopaths, whom I once admired for their relative freedom from the burden of other people’s feelings and emotional states. I really love that you’re using lessons learnt from observing narcissists against them but I fear, to some at least, this runs the risk of encouraging narcissistic traits. Nobody is ever the villain in their own story.

Our greatest strengths are often also the source of our greatest weaknesses. To humanity, and most humans, empathy is a superpower that’s led to the wonderfully cooperative civilisation we now enjoy, and, more personally, warm rewarding relationships. Unfortunately, that also makes it our real-life kryptonite. To the narcissistically inclined, empathy is just another resource to be mined for their supply. Being on the receiving end can leave the rest of us feeling empathetically exhausted. For years, I was unknowingly surrounded by these emotional vampires, to the point of feeling like an introvert.

In the increasingly individualistic western world, with our social media platforms (or, as I like to think of them, personal branding and dysfunction incubation services), narcissistic traits are likely to be increasingly common. But, and I can’t stress this enough, don’t spend time feeling sorry for them. Their dysfunction exists on a spectrum that’s almost completely invisible to those without empathy. You and I see it because we recognise the richness in our own lives that they’re missing out on, but they’re completely and totally oblivious to it. People feeling bad for them is very likely why and how they’ve end up this way. Better to look at them objectively and dispassionately, with scientific curiosity, as a subspecies of humans whose life experiences have taught them a very different set of rules.

Rather than labelling them narcissists, I prefer to think in terms of emotional maturity. Chances are, if you’re surrounded by narcissists, one or both of your parents was that way inclined. For a potentially life changing read, check out Lindsay Gibson’s Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It provided me with enormously helpful insight into myself, my parents, my friendships, my romantic relationships, and the emotionally immature roaming among us. Seriously, I can’t recommend it highly enough!!!!
I was skeptical at first when I read your title.
By: Divina Grey
Tags: Self Improvement, Mental Health, Relationships, Narcissism, Life Lessons

I was skeptical at first when I read your title. And I still don’t know how you did it, but you wrote a positive piece about narcissist that I thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you. Your story made my day, and because of it I’m holding my head a little higher today. ❤