Building pride by setting standards
By: Paul Davy
Tags: Maintenance, Parenting, Cleaning, Tidying Up, Pride

I currently live in a two-bed house with three young boys, my wife and myself. The house is getting too small. The two eldest boys are approaching their teenage years and the smallest one is just out of nappies.

The house always seems to have clothes drying on the radiators. Muddy football boots and trainers littering the kitchen floor. Coats and bags hanging off the back of kitchen dining chairs.

There seems to be an endless list of jobs around the house. You put one load of clothes in the wash and another load magically appears. You clean and put away one pair of muddy trainers and another pair appear. You empty bags and put away coats. Then the kids are dragging bags back out again to finish some last-minute homework.

It feels like chaos. It can be overwhelming at times to look around at the destruction. The destruction that reigns down, especially on our poor kitchen. After a long day at work, to then come home and wade through this chaos takes strength. Some days you are not sure you have the strength.

In all this chaos, there is an opportunity to build some self-pride.

I think there are three main things you do to build pride in your house. Keep it tidy, keep it clean and keep it well maintained.

Keep it tidy

To help keep a sense of pride and order in all this chaos I try and set some standards. Some expectations for myself. Initially, it’s about keeping the place tidy.

When I enter the kitchen first thing on a morning, it is so nice when is tidy. I get a sense of peace, of calm, of contentment. If it isn’t tidy, it stresses me out. It winds me up. It puts me on edge. That’s not how I like to start the day.

The state of the kitchen in the morning is the result of the activities from the day before. When I come home from that long day at work I have a decision to make. When I see the chaos in the kitchen, do I eat my dinner in the lounge, stick my head in the sand and ignore it? Or do I roll up my sleeves and start putting things away? Do I have the strength and energy to do that?

I know if I don’t do it, I will go to bed dejected and deflated. I also know that when I wake up in the morning, I will be stressed and anxious.

Knowing this, I set myself a standard, an expectation, that will build pride in myself. By putting everything away before bed, I can go to bed feeling proud of myself. I can then wake up in the morning with a sense of peace and contentment that everything is as it should be.

I make sure the dishes are put away. Shoes, coats and bags are put away. The kitchen counters and dining table are clear.

If I can arrange for there to be a place for everything, I just make sure that before I go to bed, everything is in its place.

Keep it clean

Last weekend I was at home with the boys. It rained all day. I spent all day tidying but mainly cleaning. The boys sat and watched TV, went on YouTube or played football on the driveway. Most of their brains probably fell out of their ears that day. I, however, tackled the task of washing a week’s dirty clothes for a household of five people. I can’t quite remember if I did 7 or 8 loads of washing. 2 loads of bedding. 1 load of shirts. 1 load of school uniforms. 1 load of football kits. 2 loads of coloured clothes. I am sure there was another load of something somewhere.

All radiators fully covered and the heating on full blast. The clothes horse was full. Things were hung on coat hangers and hung off curtain poles or my pull up bar. Quick-drying clothes were hung on the back of the dining chairs.

Then I realised there was a full basket of dried clothes from during the week that needed ironing. I pressed play to an audiobook on my iPhone and ploughed through the ironing. The nicely pressed clothes were set into nice neat piles for each person. I then out the clothes away. I got the kids to do their own. Apart from the baby. Even though he would love to put his own clothes away. I would probably end up having to wash and iron the clothes all over again.

Then I took the opportunity to wipe and clean all the surfaces. Then I took the vacuum cleaner to the place.

By the time my wife was home at dinner time the following has happened:

Everything dirty had been washed

Everything that was washed and dry was ironed

All surfaces were wiped and clean

And the house had been hoovered

You know what, it felt good. I felt a sense of pride in getting everything clean.

Maintaining

The final part is maintaining your home.

I have three young boys who like to play football. They like to play football in my garden and in my driveway. Inevitably they break stuff. I first have to notice the stuff they break (they have a tendency not to tell me). Then I have to fix it.

When it was that day when I stayed at home and it rained all day, I noticed something. The rain seemed to overflow from the gutter. Then I realised my boys had hit the drainpipe with the football. The top of the drainpipe was no longer collecting the rain from the gutter above. It was just overflowing into the driveway below. It wasn’t life or death. But I did get my finger out and fix it.

It’s normally small annoying jobs that need doing.

It could be replacing a broken heating element in the oven. It could be replacing the waterproof silicone sealant around the bath. It could be fixing the broken drainpipe and guttering that your children have broken.

It is easy to ignore things like this. To ignore the small niggly things. Putting in the effort to fix the broken things gives us a sense of pride.

Takeaways

We can build a sense of pride around things in our possession, in our care. I have used a house as an example in the above. You could use a car, your office or desk, even just your bag.

Tidy it. Set a standard. Whether it is to put all bags, shoes and coats away before going to bed each night. To always leave your work desk clear when you leave for the day, or emptying and repacking your bag when you get home.

Clean it. Set a standard. Washing all the dishes before you go to work and before you go to bed. Wash and change your bedding every Sunday. Wiping down muddy shoes when you get home on a night.

Maintain it. Set a standard. If something breaks, fix it as soon as possible. Pencil in time you are going to fix it. If it is quick and easy to fix, do it now. It is easy to procrastinate and put things to the bottom of our to-do list.

Footnotes

Originally published at https://www.paul-davy.co.uk on October 19, 2019.