How to Survive Crushing on a Friend
By: Renata Gomes
Tags: Relationships, Love, Self, Self Improvement, Life Lessons

How to Survive Crushing on a Friend

And not let it break your heart.

Photo by Mohammad Faruqueon Unsplash

This wasn’t Plan A. You tend to draw a distinct line between romance and friendship, but this one got you by surprise. One minute you’re friends, laughing together and supporting each other through life’s bullshit; the next minute things aren’t so black and white.

Your inside jokes feel as intimate as a kiss, his texts as much of a ritual as that first cup of coffee in the morning. You look at him and just know what he’s going to say next, he finishes your sentences every time you run out of words.

Before, you enjoyed his company. Now, you crave his presence.

You’ve developed a massive crush on your friend.

Crushing on a friend is a gamble. It can either be incredibly simple or painfully complex, it all depends on whether or not he or she likes you back, and on how you deal with the situation.

Be honest

The first step is, to be honest with yourself. Admitting you see someone as more than a friend takes some inner work. You weren’t attracted to this person at first, that’s part of the reason you became friends and not lovers right from the beginning. Something has fundamentally changed in the way you see them, and if you think about it long enough, you might be able to pinpoint exactly what happened and when.

Once you’re honest with yourself about your feelings, you know you can’t go back to being just friends without addressing the issue. You might try, but you’ll soon find that trying weights heavier on you than you ever thought possible.

It’s time to be honest with your friend. Instead of secretly holding a candle to them and hoping they’ll turn around and realize they love you back, tell them how you feel.

It can be scary to open your heart to someone in this way, but once you do it, you’ll find out just how much it makes you grow.

Accept that your feelings are not their responsibility

Your friend is not responsible for your feelings, keep that in mind.

It’s not their responsibility to reciprocate your feelings, to console you, or to make your best hopes come true. If you’re lucky, they might have developed the same feelings for you along the way, but chances are that’s not the case.

Accept that their no is likely definitive and that continuing the friendship isn’t a shortcut to perhaps winning over their heart someday.

Chances are they felt so comfortable being around you exactly because they always thought of you as a friend and nothing more — but you’ll never know unless you try.

Best case, they like you back. Worse case, you get the “what if’s” out of the way and can start working on being just friends again asap.

Fight for your friendship, but mind your heart

Continuing a friendship after a crush is not impossible, but it can be tricky. If you still have feelings for your friends, watching them date someone else, or even come to you with issues of the heart will certainly be painful.

Take a step back and draw a few boundaries if you have to. Perhaps keeping your distance while you get over it is exactly what you need.

If the friendship really matters to you, don’t give it up without a fight. You two might not have been able to work things out romantically, but good friends are almost as hard to find as a good partner, so don’t give that up without good reason. A good friend will help you through your troubles, and being honest with them about your feelings gives them the opportunity to help you figure this one out as well.

Crushing on a friend is a dangerous business, but it happens. The best way to deal with it is by facing it head-on instead of daydreaming and focusing on the “what if’s.” Once you both know where you stand you can find a path forward together — romantically or otherwise.