Let Me Tell You About My Father
By: Carmela Matibag
Tags: Birthday, Best Dad Ever, Father And Daughter, Letter To My Father, Tribute

When I was a kid, my relatives used to refer to my father as my attorney. But he’s not a lawyer; he didn’t even take any law-related courses during college. What he did actually take was marine engineering, but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to complete his degree because he and our mother had my brother. My father is a tricycle driver, a housekeeper — together with my mother, he became a traffic enforcer in our municipality and now a barangay tanod.

But they used to call my father my attorney because he’s the first person I always run to whenever I get upset with other people teasing me or making fun of me, he’s always the first one to the rescue. He would always take my side when my brother and I are fighting (to be fair, I think it’s my mother to my brother and youngest sister). He’s the first person who would stop my mother from scolding me. Most of all, I think he’s always the first one who will make me stop crying whenever he felt that they have scolded me too much.

They call my father my attorney because they think I am his favorite. But I could not agree with them because when I was a kid, all I can see was his side who’s always mad at me, who’s always strict, and who’s always scary. Although I usually hear from my friends, whenever they meet or get to talk to my father, that my father is really nice. But I could not see him the way they see him because, for me, my father was actually scary. He was so strict (even until now) that I think me and my siblings became so conscious of our actions because we were so afraid to make mistakes or say anything that would displease him. I think most kids experienced this, too. Well, the tendency for me, I had hidden secrets from him and my mother. Because I was so afraid for them to hate me or I was so afraid to disappoint them, but that’s what will make them hate you most; secrets and lies.

I was so afraid to disappoint my father because he had high hopes in me, I think he expected so much from me. I used to be a student with good grades in elementary, and when I was just starting to soar high, my wings were cut and I didn’t even dare to try to fly again. Because I had been sick, and I used that as an excuse not to try my best.

But when I have decided to try again, be one of those cream of the crop students, I couldn’t keep up with the pressure of so much expectations from him. I rebelled against the idea of being the best because I thought my father would never accept any of my failures and he would never see that I am trying my best. He wanted me to excel, to be the best, to be good with what I do, to have good grades. I thought he was pressuring me all along because he wanted to have the best daughter, then I realized, he just wanted what’s best for me.

Maybe if I had realized this soon enough, I could have made it to the top. I could have made him and my mother prouder with all the achievements I could have gotten. But the thing is that most lessons come from experience, and we will never learn if we had things easy for us because the greatest lessons are learned the hardest ways.

If our lives had been a little different and if things had been quite easy for us, I might not have realized the value of even the smallest things he’s doing for us. Because as we look at a bigger picture, we tend to miss the value of the smallest things within it.

As I go back to my childhood days, I have remembered how many times our father said no to our requests, how many times he said he couldn’t buy us what we want. But at the end of the day, he would give us what we have requested anyway. I used to hate it whenever he said no to me because I always felt that I have always been rejected. But I didn’t realize before that my father was doing his best to give us what we want and what we need, no matter how hard it could be for him.

Imagine the frustration that you have when you can’t buy something for yourself? It’s somehow the same frustration for our parents but to a greater extent. They always put their children first and they have almost always forgotten about themselves because they want us to live better lives. Because all they want is for us to be happy. That made me realize one more thing. Our parents’ hearts are the ones that break the most when ours got broken because for sure they think that they fail to be our parent; they think that they fail to protect us.

We were busy hating our parents for not being who we want them to be, but then I realized, as much as they want to be the perfect parents in the world, they can’t. Because everyone commits mistakes, and we are all far from being perfect, even our parents. But that doesn’t mean they’re not trying their best to be good parents. Who knows how to be the perfect parent, anyway? No one.

Most of the time, we give less credit to our parents because they can’t be the parents we want them to be. Because we were blinded by the envy that we feel towards the other kids that we thought have better parents, we often disregard the fact that our parents are trying their best. We often give them less appreciation than what they deserve.

So allow me to tell you what I love about my father. He’s scary and strict, yes, but he’s hardworking. He’s always supportive. He’s always proud of us that he would always want to show us off; for example, whenever there’s a videoke in every gathering, he wants my sister and I to sing (OMG I hated this when I was a kid and now I’m just laughing about this).

He would always be the first one who gets worried when my sister and I are crying, and he gets paranoid when one of us is sick or when we do not update them on our whereabouts or if I finally got home from work (especially when I was in Manila). He always makes sure that we are fine, and we are not exhausting ourselves. And whenever he feels that we need to take a break, he would be the first one to remind us that we also need some rest. Beneath a strict façade, there lies his caring personality with a soft heart, most especially for his two daughters.

And the most important lesson he taught us? Help people whenever you can. If you can’t, then find a way to help even in the smallest way possible. The important thing is that you helped. This made a great impact on my life that I want to spend my life helping people because that’s what you taught us. We met a lot of good people in our lives who helped us, too, and I love how you value them and want to be of help to other people as well. I love how you taught us to help those who are in need.

I don’t know where this is going, actually. I have just written my thoughts about my father. There are a lot to know about him, a lot of stories to share so let’s just keep it this way for now so I won’t run out of stories every year. You’re just 50, and you will still go a long, long way. There would be even more stories about you that would be worth sharing.

P.S. I still can’t forget how you have forgotten to pick me up from school because you were drunk. That’s still one of the funniest stories we have!