A 19-Year Old’s Philosophical Thoughts After Potentially Getting COVID-19
By: Tina Yang
Tags: Philosophy Of Mind, Coronavirus, Mindset Shift, University, Corona

Yet within the universe, I am nothing. I’m not Tina, the undergraduate who attends school at the U. I’m not the artist who paints, the girl who does TikToks, the spunky girl who’s trying to run her business club’s recruitment cycle. I’m just a dot, a speck of dust. My feet don’t even touch the ground. Some could say I’m floating. The reality is, I’m on my bed, and my legs are beneath my covers. The world is still spinning. Am I floating? Not yet, is my answer.

The universe is so big, yet we seek every attempt to minimize it. We download Instagram and Facebook, actively trying to solidify networks and connections. We develop bubbles of friends. We like to drive in the same neighborhoods, go to the same grocery stores. Our universe is small. Whether we neglect to think of anything larger may be accidental or on purpose, but regardless, it keeps us sane. Our lives matter in our own universes. We are comfortable.

But I think it’s important to consider our much larger universe once in a while. And in particular, during instances when things feel tough: when you feel like you’re the only one struggling. You’re paying bills, taking out loans. You just got dumped. Your plans got canceled. Nothing seems to work out. In these instances, it’s human nature for us to subscribe ourselves back to our tiny universes. We think we’re the only ones with our stories. And that can be discomforting. It’s important to seek higher ground — maybe not literally, if you’re afraid of heights — and think of the world, the universe, the galaxy. Your problems are infinitesimally small. You, yourself, are smaller. These problems don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. No matter what you go through, the world is still going to spin on its axis, the trees in your backyard will still sway in the wind. The universe does not stop for anyone. It is much too important for that.

So, in this grand and majestic — and minuscule life — what’s the purpose of living? Why do we matter in this huge expanse of space? I think, in all honesty, that we don’t. We don’t REALLY matter in the universe; that is, unless we make some sort of momentous contribution. One could say that any contribution is a large one, but that is objectively false. It sounds suspiciously like participation trophies, a thinly veiled attempt to make people happier. That’s not it. Real accomplishments do matter, and in turn, that can change our world. Because it is often impossible to change the universe, we should first start with our world. Some examples I can think of are Beyonce and BTS. Gandhi and Steve Jobs and Jerry Seinfeld. These people made others live — and in large proportions too. The next thought I have is whether or not this is genuinely a good thing. Are the people that they saved serial killers? Or are they just another scrambling emo teenager trying to find her way in the abyss? Regardless, they have touched lives. And that should count. It does count.

I feel like there’s no point to living if you’re just going to make no contributions. What’s the point of your existence, then? I’m not saying to go die, of course. I’m merely saying that each day should be a day of striving. Striving to make a signification contribution. That’s what has the longest impact on our world. If you are evil and rooted in chaos, no one on Earth needs you. But if you’re really trying to make a difference, then good for you.

I used to think that my biggest life goal should just be to get rich. But after I started working at a startup that a fellow U kid founded, I realized that I wanted to work, regardless of whether I was getting paid. I was making a huge dent in the company, and seeing it through. It was a small contribution, but one nonetheless. My goal is no longer to try to secure ‘the bag.’ Instead, it’s to make a positive impact. I want to make a huge impact. I want my life to be meaningful. I want my life to literally contain meaning.

I’m scared I’ll never get the chance to fulfill my goals, though. Sitting on my bed right now, I feel extremely weak. I feel like closing my eyes. My stomach still hurts, and my goosebumps haven’t disappeared. Will I ever get the chance to fulfill my mission, my goal? That’s all I can hope for.

At the end of the day, the universe has a lot of time. Life is short. It fades so fast for some humans — premature babies come to mind. It can linger on, too. It varies, it is variable, it is able to vary. Life is still a work in progress. But we’re all here, living in this imperfect state, struggling in a universe much larger than we can fathom. This space is big, has no soul. Yet we do. I hope I don’t count the days, but make the days count.