Why Being Likeable is a Valued Leadership Quality
By: Vy Luu
Tags: Relationships, Work, Startup, Business, Leadership

Why Being Likeable is a Valued Leadership Quality

Image by PIRO4D from Pixabay

I was four months into the job when she quit. My manager told me she was leaving toward the end of our regular Monday morning status meeting. I acted as supportively as I could, given the unexpected news. She championed my role, hired me, and cushioned my onboarding experience because she was a knowledgeable and patient leader. She proposed that I report directly to the CEO after she left.

I was excited at the prospect, but she warned me that it would be tough. She told me to expect a challenging relationship with the CEO because we were working in different offices. She told me communication could be limited, and our relationship lukewarm.

I immediately began to search for a new job. My resume was still fresh. and I told myself I had reached the point in my career where I should choose my manager, not the other way around. However, before I found another job, the CEO, my new manager, won me over. His work interactions with me were genial and collaborative, attributes of an agreeable leader.

Why is agreeableness a valuable leadership trait?

One of the five valuable virtual leadership traits determined by academics is agreeableness. While there are several traits linked to leaders with successful teams, agreeableness is the needed foundation. An agreeable leader forms trust more easily and teams who have confidence in their leaders have a higher chance of performing effectively. Several leadership studies found teams who trust their leaders perform at a higher level. Agreeableness is also linked with raising morale, inspiring followers, and motivating teams to successful outcomes.

Dating back to the 1970s, agreeableness was determined as a personality trait that excellent leaders possess. With the rise of virtual teams and the challenge of gaining trust due to limited face-to-face time, agreeableness is an even more important quality for virtual leaders.

Trust is the top challenge for leaders who rely on technology to connect with their teams. Likeability builds trust. We should grow our agreeableness muscle because it increases a team’s trust in their leader.

“Arguably the most highly valued human trait the world over, agreeableness pertains to the extent to which a person appears to be caring, loving, affectionate, polite, and kind.” -Dan P. McAdams

What does agreeableness look like?

I thought an agreeable leader is one who says yes and agrees easily. Actually, it is a leader that puts their team’s needs ahead of theirs. A disagreeable leader, on the other hand, values being right over listening to their team. I excelled at work despite my leader working primarily from a different location because he gained my trust.

This manager was a Harvard graduate, a big five consulting firm strategist — he had high expectations. His agreeableness did not mean softness in his management style. I learned from him that you can be a leader with world-class standards and still demonstrate agreeableness traits. Here’s how he showed them in our interactions:

Altruism : He told me I could call or message him at any time, even though he was in a different time zone ahead of mine. He assured me not to worry about contacting him too late. He was altruistic because he offered to sacrifice his time so that I would feel his virtual door was always open.

: He told me I could call or message him at any time, even though he was in a different time zone ahead of mine. He assured me not to worry about contacting him too late. He was altruistic because he offered to sacrifice his time so that I would feel his virtual door was always open. Trust : We had never worked together before, but he handed out his trust quickly. When I asked him about how he wanted me to run my day-to-day tasks with him, he replied, “I trust you are the expert in your function. I’m here as you need me and to help solve any barriers you’d like me to.” When he said those words, my loyalty and trust in him soared.

: We had never worked together before, but he handed out his trust quickly. When I asked him about how he wanted me to run my day-to-day tasks with him, he replied, “I trust you are the expert in your function. I’m here as you need me and to help solve any barriers you’d like me to.” When he said those words, my loyalty and trust in him soared. Honesty : He routinely proved to me that I could count on his words. He was honest, even when the news was bad, like when he had to inform me that the company could not afford to give me a raise even though he valued my work so much. He didn’t make any excuses or point to an issue with my performance. I was encouraged by his honesty and wanted to continue to work for him even though I wanted a pay increase.

: He routinely proved to me that I could count on his words. He was honest, even when the news was bad, like when he had to inform me that the company could not afford to give me a raise even though he valued my work so much. He didn’t make any excuses or point to an issue with my performance. I was encouraged by his honesty and wanted to continue to work for him even though I wanted a pay increase. Modesty : He was a humble manager because he regularly talked about the skills I possessed and how they were valuable for the organization. It was evident he was more skilled and superior in business acumen but he always made me feel so intelligent.

: He was a humble manager because he regularly talked about the skills I possessed and how they were valuable for the organization. It was evident he was more skilled and superior in business acumen but he always made me feel so intelligent. Cooperation : When there were conflicts among the management team, he maintained peace and listened to our opinions and concerns. He encouraged diversity of opinions but often reminded us to do so respectfully. I saw the stress and weight of the company on his shoulders but he seemed to swallow his needs to work through issues with us.

: When there were conflicts among the management team, he maintained peace and listened to our opinions and concerns. He encouraged diversity of opinions but often reminded us to do so respectfully. I saw the stress and weight of the company on his shoulders but he seemed to swallow his needs to work through issues with us. Sympathy: He was kind and sympathetic when external factors could affect me and my work. He guided me to sympathize with colleagues if personal situations were brought into the workplace. He wasn’t easy because he had high work expectations but he asked me to think differently in those cases. He challenged me to solve problems in a way that does not hurt the business but is also kind to people. There was always another way, he said.

What is the value of an agreeable leader?

Leading virtual teams requires agreeableness because it has been shown to build trust among managers and teams who connect primarily through technology to work. In my experience with the leader described above, his actions and words pulled me in to trust him quickly. Once I began to work with him more closely, the trust grew even more because of his consistency in showing trust, honesty, modesty, cooperation, and sympathy.

How can a leader demonstrate agreeableness?

Leaders can show agreeableness with their teams by:

Sacrificing time to assist a colleague in achieving their goal

Collaborating to find a solution that is most supportive

Fostering an environment that respects multiple and diverse viewpoints

Choosing to remain positive rather than give in to negativity

Showing care for others’ well-being inside and outside of work

Giving honest feedback to help a team member improve

How do agreeable leaders inspire us to follow them?

I currently lead teams in different locations connected by email, chat, and video calls. It takes extra energy to show my presence, build trust and diffuse conflict among team members. The additional investment to become an agreeable leader is worthwhile when I recall the level of engagement and loyalty I had while working for a leader with these traits.

When this manager left the organization, I wanted to follow him. He gained loyalty from me. He was a person I genuinely liked, and that’s what these qualities show us. When we like our manager, we are willing to follow and help them realize their vision. My former manager is an inspiration for me to be a more agreeable leader.