Is Your Partner a Non-Team Player?
By: Glenn Stok
Tags: Marriage Equality, Relationship Problems, Partnerships, Relationships, Marriage

Another Non-Team Player Who Never Has Your Back

I’ll give you just one other example, another girlfriend with a similar attitude.

We were going away for vacation to New Hampshire, and we shared the driving for the long 700-mile trip.

Photo by Mikita Karasiou on Unsplash

At one point, she needed to make a U-turn, and she backed into a parked car. I immediately thought to myself what she probably needed at that moment—I hugged her to calm her down, and I said it’s okay. Really kind of me, right?

What do I get for being kind and considerate? Wait, it gets interesting.

We left a note stuck under the wiper with our contact information where we were staying for the night. The owner of the car called and we met to discuss it.

The owner of the car was a middle-aged lady. The damage was nothing more than a small dent. I told the lady to get an estimate for the damages and that we would send her a check for whatever it costs.

The lady had another idea. She said she wanted me to pay her a rough estimate now, and to give her my insurance information so she can collect from my insurance company.

I tried to explain to her that if she deals with my insurance company, she may only get what they say the cost should be, but that we are willing to pay the actual charge when she sends me the bill.

The lady didn’t accept that and insisted that she wanted BOTH my insurance information and a check for $300 that she felt it would cost.

Well, first, I didn’t cause the accident, and I was concerned about my rates going up for something my girlfriend did. Second, we were willing to pay for the repair in full, and I felt the lady’s request was unreasonable.

So I said to her as clearly as I could explain it, “You have a choice of three options. I’ll let you decide which one you want. You can get an estimate, and I’ll mail you a check for that amount. On the other hand, if you don’t want to wait, I’ll give you a check for $300 right now as a final agreement. Or I’ll be glad to give you my insurance information, but then you are dealing with my insurance company, and I will not be responsible for whatever settlement you get.”

The woman didn’t like that at all, and she still insisted that I give her a check AND my insurance information.

We ended up having to call the police to intervene. Well, the cop saved the day by getting her to understand the options I presented were extremely reasonable. He even as much said that I was being very considerate with giving her three options to chose from.

Well, she accepted the first option.

Oh yes, the point of the story… Are you sitting down?

While driving to the hotel, my girlfriend suddenly said, “I have a boyfriend who verbally abuses the woman I hit! You should have let that lady have it both ways!”

I was stunned!

She focused on the wrong thing! She didn’t care that I was trying to be kind to the lady. She didn’t even appreciate that I hugged her when I knew she must be upset about having an accident with my car. Another guy might have just started screaming, “What’s the matter with you?”

I don’t react that way. I learned a long time ago always to take a second to stop and think before reacting to an extreme situation. It pays off so well, I tell you. It gives you a chance to consider the reality of the situation before letting your own feelings spoil it. In this case, there were two people involved, she and I.

I realized that I was just as much responsible because I let her drive my car. I also realized that she must have felt terrible — which is why I knew I needed to give her a hug.

End of the Relationship

Well, that made it clear to me that I had a girlfriend who was not my partner, as much as I made an effort at being a team player myself in the relationship. She was not on my side, and she did not care to see my point of view — ever.

I broke up with her immediately after that trip. After a repeated similar attitude towards me, that event was a deal-breaker for the relationship.