Break up with someone you never know.
By: Sunny Sunny
Tags: Breakups, Lovestory, Emotions, Relationships, Love

How do you get over someone you never know? It might sound like an easy task, but it is not.

When I first met him, he had this coldness all over him. He did not smile when we were greeting. I thought he was shy. I got chilled, but showed my teeth anyway as I always do when meeting new people. I did not think much about this feeling until it got back to me later on.

We are at the same age. We share plenty of common traits. He texted me daily even though I was quite laid back in casual texting. He was clear about what he wants: a serious relationship. In today’s casual dating culture, ‘he is quite special’ was what I thought back then.

We spent time together. He is very similar to me in many aspects. The only aspect which I don’t have while he has plenty: criticism. At first, I thought it was because he has high standards and is living up to those. I still believe he does.

The first time his criticism became a problem was during our first break up (after 4 dates we had been on ) — and yes, stupid as I was, there were another break up. After a kiss, he told me he felt nothing (to which I agreed we don’t have much chemistry) and complained about a bundle of things I did not do that upsets him (like not responding to his text within a reasonable time frame). I am not sure how to describe the confusion I had that night: kissed that person, and heard that person complained about you?!?!

We broke up after that night and said we can keep being friends. It was fine for me, until several days later, he sent me a message out of no where, saying that I was treating him nasty and rude. I found this piece of information annoying but irrelevant, because I could not relate it to any event during our dates. In the end, if I were that rude, why did he invite me to the 4th date and end it with a kiss?!?!

Even though I was not angry, I did not let it slide. I don’t like to be misunderstood by someone I like. I texted back to say that I never behave with a lack of respect. We texted back and forth for a few days. He explained what he thought as ‘rude’, and I explained from my perspective. It was just a misunderstanding, he concluded. He wanted us to continue. But I was tired of this mind game and wanted a break. He was ok.

When things were a bit cool off after a month, I suddenly got curious about him (big mistake I know — don’t judge me). I invited him to dinner with no intention to reconcile. Just a catch up, I thought. Just to be clear, the country was still in a Covid-19 lockdown so going out was not an option. The dinner turned out well and he wanted to meet me later on. He suggested to continue dating. I said yes.

The second break up was even stranger. We were on a holiday trip for two days. He left me on the second day, for I told him on the first night that I was not ready for sex. He was upset. He said he cannot wait until marriage, but that was totally not my point. I still felt we are not close enough for sex yet.

My holiday trip

Why is it a big deal to me that he left? In the end, I am the one who rejected him. It might not be a big deal if that day was not the second day of my looking-forward trip, and that the country was not in a Covid complete lockdown — the policy that was announced just a few days before the trip, and that the weather was not so frustrating — it was raining all day long.

He said he felt like I am not attracted to him. I knew he has this need for intimacy, but I simply was not ready. He asked why and when, I couldn’t answer, and he left in the next morning.

That was shocking. I wished he did not leave me alone on such a gloomy day during the faraway trip that we planned together. I am fine if he doesn’t want to continue, yet I wished he had reacted in a better manner. We could have said goodbye in a better way.

In that moment, being left alone in a cold hotel room that yesterday was still cozy because he was there, I realized I broke up with someone I never know. I keep questioning: if he had a bit of liking me, he would not leave me like that, would he? Unfortunately, it is the truth that I had to embrace. Liking or not, in the end, we are no better than strangers.