Being Polite and Civil: A Beautiful Story to Yield; Trans Etiquette Matters.
By: Yef India
Tags: Ngos In India, Etiquette, LGBTQ, Fiction Writing, Transgender

Being Polite and Civil: A Beautiful Story to Yield; Trans Etiquette Matters.

Shweta and Mira were two good friends and were studying in the same class in their school. They were good friends and used to spend their time together for most of the day at Mira’s. Due to some problem, Mira had to leave the city and settle somewhere else. She bid goodbye to Shweta emotionally and promised to stay connected. But as life went on, both moved places and almost forgot about each other.

A year later, Mira crossed paths with Shweta in an overwhelming incident. A deep voice emerged Shweta asking, “Hey! Shweta, What in god’s name are you doing here?”. She was confused to see a random guy open up to her, but there was something familiar that bought a dozen memories rushing all at once into her little head. “Who are you again?” she asked, and boom, it struck her who she was talking to, Mira!

This pleasant meeting caused disaster in her head, creating confusion. They both got into talking, and things eventually cleared in Shweta’s head. Shweta was smart and handled the situation with great confidence and honesty. She had never come across a trans person, and the fact that her childhood friend will be one of them was unpredictable.

First thing’s first —

To start, she didn’t judge his choices and supported his decisions. It was her step to be an ally. He continued with his story, and it amazed her. He opened up to her, and she was cool about it and respected his life changes. At first, he was hesitant to share, but her undying interest kept him going.

She had many roads to explore.

Second point is as important as the first one —

Shweta was smart. She was not jumping to conclusions and taking her time to deal with the situation closely under the guidance of her new friend. It was all like the time when they used to see each other regularly, and everything was normal soon.

Unaware of what to call? Ask!

Shweta was unsure of what to call him, so she asked politely, which was very sweet of her, and he liked it a lot. He said, “It is not like many people ask me what to call me and what my pronouns are, but you asked, and it is so sweet of you. Thanks for asking.”

Their convo was on a single topic now, what will happen if Barack Obama becomes the US President? Both shared their opinions and some common views as permanent US citizen. They had both left India soon after 2005 and had settled in the US as they had been offered jobs for big multinational companies.

Gulping their story is not an option, understanding is.

It was a tough time for both of them, as they sat in a lovely coffee shop alongside a glass window admiring the snow and each other. Shweta asked him about his family’s reaction when he decided to open up about his state. It was a sad story, but the results were fruitful. Shweta learned that his family took some time to digest it but soon swallowed it with great confidence in their only child. He changed, blossomed into a new person, and thinking about the past kind of made him emotional.

No. Don’t ask if they had any surgeries or whatever. —

Shweta was about to ask if he had any kind of surgeries, but then she thought, ‘What does it matter if he had any, he is a sweet person, and that is what matters.’ It was at this moment, Shweta knew she was now part of the ally.

Don’t call out or say their real name. Don’t even ask. —

As they were leaving, Shweta asked him his new phone number. She fed it on her phone and gave him to check if it was right, and it was a pleasure to his eyes to see ‘Aman’ written on his number. The best thing she did was hide him from his deadname. Deadname brings lots of emotions and bad memories only. There is no happiness for a transgender in remembering their deadname. It’s just a deadname for them. Aman left Shweta on her path and continued his struggle to settle in society, make his name.

This story might end here, but our duties and responsibilities don’t. Shweta went on to become one of the greatest Transgender Activists and, she’s now inspiring people to open up to the world with their stories.

We may not be Shweta, but we can surely try to be like her and support the transgender community and maintain a subtle etiquette.

To finish, I’ll just add three things regarding them -

Listen.

Do tell them you love them.

Do tell them you will be there.

The journey they face is no less than a War. They face discrimination and harassment. It’s somewhat our responsibility to make sure we behave well around them and respect them.