Connectivity
By: Jake Kahana
Tags: Humanity, Connection, Togetherness, Coronavirus, Connectivity

Connectivity

Email Refrigerator :: 16

Hi Friend!

Yeesh.

What is there to write about and talk about other than what’s going on in the world right now? How are you doing? (I actually want to know.)

Coronavirus has spread so quickly because we are in constant contact with others.

So we are all practicing some level of self-isolation to save the world from an even bigger disaster. That brings its own challenges. Managing childcare and logistics. Newfound temptations getting in the way of new goals. Working from home. Cooking. Always with an eye on the news. “Will there be enough food?” “Is my family safe and healthy?” “How do I stay occupied? and productive? and connected to my people?”

In order to maintain any level of normalcy (or sanity), we need to keep ourselves in contact with others. Physical distancing, not social distancing.

This month, I’ve seen people organize virtual double dates, online happy hours, remote St Patrick’s Day ragers, group video therapy. Passover Seders on Zoom and Easter brunches over Skype. Caveday is now running 13 remote coworking sessions every week. I’m grateful to live in a time where people are finding new ways to share their lives.



We need people. To live enriched full lives, we need to connect with each other.

This month, I’m thinking about our connectivity and the things that bring us together. Let’s go.

Social Immune Systems

While we’re thinking about viruses, let’s talk about immune systems.

Our body’s immune system is an army of cells that is constantly at war. It is currently fighting battles we have no awareness of.

As we’re working from home and gathering in new ways, I’ve come to see that our companies and teams have similar immune systems.

We have habits in place to prevent team systems and structures to “get sick.” Weekly calls, daily check-ins, status messages. Company immune systems protect the group from outside threats like distractions, mistrust, and toxic hires. A healthy immune system uses challenging times to grow stronger. Finding resilience through sharing rewards and recognition, and making time to reflect.

We have ways to boost our team immunity. An offsite. A project or challenge whose purpose is to build trust and interdependence. Structured time off together to more deeply get to know one another. Resting!

And we should be aware of an overactive or dysfunctional system–rejecting a new “organ” that might help the system work better. This could look like turning down a great new hire because they don’t “fit in.” Or being stuck in old, poorly working systems or resisting a new video platform because changing is a pain.

As someone who works on a few different teams, I’ve noticed that our companies and teams are a little sick right now. We’re struggling to figure out how to normalize and get back to our normal, healthy, working selves. We should know that when we’re feeling sick we shouldn’t push ourselves. But instead, be sure to rest, find time as a team to put work down and just check in with each other. Trust and empathy are vitamin C for company immune systems.

To all the teams and companies feeling a little under the weather right now, remember that getting sick doesn’t mean we’re going to die. It can mean we’re getting stronger. Get well soon.

(Hint: This metaphor applies to families, marriages, and friendships, too.)

We Are The Keeper of the Fire

In the hearth of our hearts

glows hundreds of embers.

Each one, a person we know.

At the center, the embers glow white.

Along the outside,

embers once burning brightly have lost their glow

(Can we rekindle these fires gone cold?)

(Can we breathe new life into ash?)

We stoke the fire with a stick

To watch the coals spark.

We throw a new stone in

And watch as it goes grey to orange

to pure light.

Every ember has an energy all its own.

Sometimes the fire burns bright and then burns out.

Some of the longest-lasting ones

Burn warm forever without much of a show.

As we rake them together, spreading the heat among the coals,

new fires emerge.

Sitting in its warmth, we are mesmerized.

And with our breath, we keep the fire going.

The Four Circles

The original concept for this article was intended to explore the differences between community and tribe. I’m fascinated by the changing dynamics of groups and how people form their circles, especially in increasingly non-geographic-dependent ways. But the more I did research on the topic and started outlining the idea, the more that I felt like the idea had expanded. There weren’t just the two circles of connection. I found that there are four.

The first circle we experience in our life is our clan.

We are born into this group. It’s our family, our blood. Our clan is defined by our name, and with that, we carry its history and legacy. Where we came from, what our ancestors did for work, what class they were. Historically, cultures have defined this with a name, crest, coat of arms, flag, or symbol. While usually biological, there are exceptions. It also encompasses extremely close-knit people or several families who are often exogamous (cannot marry within the group). In cases of adoption and also abandonment or crisis, individuals band together to form new clans or join existing ones.

As we expand beyond our home, we get to our village.

Villages are interdependent people that are bound together by geography. Our apartment building or block or neighborhood. People we see on the street, the bartender, barista, and shop owner. It’s also our office-mates and coworkers. Our village is filled with people we interact with regularly but don’t have all that much in common biologically, working together for the benefit of the group. A group of families that shared resources and divided the labor. Today, we often don’t feel as loyal to this group as in generations past, if we even know these people at all.

Outside of our village, we start to form community.

A group of independent people that gather to share a set of shared interests and practices. There is a sense of accountability to the group and membership requires taking action, not just putting our name on a list or being born into it. Think: college clubs or high school sports. Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers or any Meetup. Communities gather both locally and remotely and are formed either by intention or by circumstance (as in times of protest, crisis, political change, etc).

Finally, we are connected to our tribe.

This group helps define how we live our daily lives and our values. We may be born into this tribe, but as we get older, it becomes more of a choice to associate with the people that shape our worldview. Tribes gather around a shared identity and support each other in perpetuating that identity. It’s typically found in religion. But I find the definition equally applies to a friend group, clique, or vocation (writers, artists, nurses, developers, etc).

From the comfort of our own bed, our technology allows us to keep at least 3 of the 4 strong. Which one (or two or three) is most helpful to you during times of crisis?

These are the times we need to make a little extra effort to connect with our circles. To check in and call for no reason. To use audio messages instead of text to keep communication more human. FaceTime your clan. Video chat your coffee meetings or lunch. Schedule remote book clubs and movie nights and language meetups. Skype your tribe.

We’re all facing the same fear and stress right now. We’re all isolated at home. And we all still need connection. As we continue social distancing, we can still find ways to share, gather connect, and belong.

With You Right Now

At the time I’m writing this, there are just over 550,000 cases of Coronavirus. It’s affecting 196 countries (even though Google just told me there are only 195 countries… ah I see now. They’re counting the Diamond Princess cruise ship).

At some point in our future this will all be a memory of a bizarre time that changed everything. My hope is that after this, we’ve learned something new. That each of us can see our interconnectedness a little more clearly. That we may all emerge from this a little less polarized in our beliefs. That we think a little more open-mindedly about “radical” ideas like socialized medicine or universal basic income. That we become a little more empathetic to others and more welcoming to refugees escaping war or oppression.

I’m not going to share statistics about deaths or new cases or the growth patterns. The Email Refrigerator is a place for optimism and questioning, looking for patterns or outliers and to create meaning. It’s a place to see something in a new way.

Here’s my invitation to see this in a new way:

Whatever you’re feeling. Whatever you’re experiencing. Whatever you’re thinking.

The entire world is experiencing it, too.

With you.

Right now.

Thank you for spending your time with me. I’m grateful for your attention and your reactions to anything I’ve written. Please respond with your thoughts if you feel driven to, or share if you think someone in your life would benefit from these ideas.

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay connected.

See you next month,

-Jake