Toxic Tolerance
By: Dena Write-Solutions
Tags: Community, Self Improvement, Tolerance, Humanity, Politics

I am not the kind of person who likes conflict. I am the poster child for “can’t we all just get along?” I write about things that I see as important, but I stay away from controversial topics. I wrote the title and thought, “am I really going to do this?” Since I am four sentences in, it looks like I am committed.

Toxic has become the new catchphrase. We have toxic people, toxic masculinity, and many more I don’t want to Google. Today, I want to talk about toxic tolerance. By toxic, I mean tolerance that has become so militant that it leaves no room for differing viewpoints or conversation. I can’t be the only person that recognizes that some of those screaming for tolerance are very intolerant of any thoughts outside their definition of right and wrong.

Maybe I see this more because I am a Christian. Yes, I know that plenty of people have preached hate and intolerance in the name of Christianity. That doesn’t mean that those people represent an entire religion. Does one gay person represent the whole LGBTQ+ community, or does one racist redneck represents an entire state?

We have so much to learn from each other. Tolerance is about accepting differences, not eradicating them. Intolerance, in the name of tolerance, happens from the most extreme right to the most radical left. The guilty include Christians, atheists, Muslims, and all other systems of belief or non-belief. We don’t have to change one another to learn from one another. I don’t think, in everyday life, we are as at odds as the media tries to convince us we are.

Lessons in the storm

I lived in Houston, Texas, during Hurricane Harvey a couple of years ago. During a natural disaster, we all become just people again. It seemed as though every person with a boat, in a tri-state area, descended on the area as the waters rose.

As creeks and rivers continued to rise during the days of rain, neighborhood after the neighborhood was inundated. The boats just kept coming. Did anyone notice that you didn’t have hundreds of pictures of people stranded on rooftops or in attics? That is because the mayor said, “if you have a boat and can help, please come.” They did.

No one cared, for at least that brief few days, about political affiliation, gender identity, skin color, or religion. Some homes in our neighborhood were lost, but in comparison, we faired well. We were trapped on a virtual island for several days, though. We had the NextDoor app, and it was a beautiful thing to witness.

A baby had a fever, and a dozen people were volunteering children’s Tylenol and Ibuprofen. A tree toppled onto the roof of a house. My husband and son, along with another group of men, cut the tree off the roof and found tarps to put over the hole until there could be a permanent repair. These men didn’t know each other, nor the person whose home was damaged.

An older lady started having difficulty breathing. Two nurses responded from each side of the neighborhood. It took other neighbors in jacked-up four-wheel drives to get them to her house, but they made it. Thankfully, it was something a breathing treatment resolved.

The water continued to rise, and no one knew if ours would be the next neighborhood that needed boats to get out safely. Everyone in our community understood all our material possessions might be gone before this was over. It didn’t stop strangers from opening their homes to the single mom who was afraid to remain home alone with her three children.

There was so much decency during and in the aftermath of the storm. Volunteers served at shelters, or in their neighborhoods. Neighborhoods pulled together and neighbors who were strangers before the storm became close friends in the days and weeks afterward.

Those of us fortunate enough to have not lost our possessions or homes during the storm came together for those who had. There was a shelter a few miles away that put out a call for blankets, towels, and clothes. Within an hour, they had to close to donations because they were overrun.

I know it is a broadly sweeping analysis, but I think the hurricane exemplified who most of us are at our core. Funny how the literal and figurative storms always have so much to teach us. Yes, evil walks among us. There is ignorance, crime, and hate, but there is also overwhelming goodness. Which do we choose to see? Why does it take something as catastrophic as a hurricane to see the good in those around us?

The costs of toxic tolerance

When did it become against the rules of civil society to have differing opinions? I can like you, even love you, without agreeing with everything you say or do. However, it often seems that if we dare deviate from absolute agreement on everything, the dreaded label of intolerance becomes the new scarlet letter.

I miss having debates with friends and acquaintances. These debates, usually around a dinner table, could even grow heated at times. That said, it rarely devolved to malice or real anger. In the end, I was always exposed to new thoughts and ideas. Even better, I was forced to be well-versed and articulate about my beliefs.

Now, my kids are growing up in a world where they are not allowed to explore their own belief system and test it against others with differing beliefs. Instead, they must swallow the idea of tolerance only as it extends to absolute liberalism. Whether you like it or not, it is healthy for our country to have more than one political party. It acts as a system of checks and balances.

The irony seems wholly lost that toxic tolerance is really just intolerance couched in a new language. Consider the definitions:

Tolerance: the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular, the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with. Intolerance: unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one’s own.

In a desperate and legitimate bid to have a more accepting, diverse, and inclusive society, we are producing the opposite effect. I am not talking about politics, although that certainly enters into the conversation. I mean that I see people routinely acting with disdain, hostility, and derision in defending their version of tolerance.

Yes, I know that sadly, we still live in a world where people who are different are hurt and bullied. I know there are things like white nationalism. I understand that LGBTQ youth are at a greater risk of being bullied, and it plays a part in their increased risk of suicide. I know that ignorance and cruelty exist, and I strongly agree we should stand united against them.

I think we need to take a step back and realize that differing opinions do not have to make us enemies. Utopia would be quite boring. It is our diversity, not just culturally, but in our thoughts, morals, and beliefs that make us a fascinating species. If someone is willing to treat you with kindness and respect, but they disagree with your life choices, extend a little of the tolerance you expect.