The Untold Love Story in the 10s — A Largely Pleasant Anecdote to Those Trying Too Hard in Relationships
By: System.Out.Println, Jason
Tags: Lovestory, Mental Health, Romance, Teens, Love

The Untold Love Story in the 10s — A Largely Pleasant Anecdote to Those Trying Too Hard in Relationships System.out.println(“Jason”) Oct 10, 2020·16 min read

Rest assured I meant the 2010s. It is a true story that I experienced firsthand. And I feel the urge to write this all down. I think my story might be strike a chord with those who lament not getting what they think they deserve despite contributing everything they are capable of, and even things they aren’t capable of…

Taurus

I don’t believe in fortune-telling but from a pure statistical standpoint, I am usually attracted to a Taurus (I am an Aquarius). I admire those ladies who are capable of being independent and even stand firm at times to uphold what they truly believe. Some factions of Japanese anime culture tend to depict ideal women (especially in Asia) as obedient maids who are usually not so bright intelligently and need men to take care of them. I consider those depictions as off-putting. After all, modern women are way better than that. Okay, enough rant…

This was how it all began

I first met Sarah, a Taurus, during a mentorship gathering where different mentees matched with the same mentor got to know each other. Sarah might not be the prettiest of all girls but I took notice of her just because she actually reacted to one of my bad jokes. Yes, one of my bad habits is that I would try to produce one joke after another in a conversation — with mixed degree of success in spicing up the conversation as people might not get it and make a hearty laugh. The fact that Sarah reacted to my jokes told me that somehow we shared a similar wavelength, especially when others on the same table did not even make a chuckle.

Sarah

Sarah was an ordinary girl who wore that perpetual smile on her face. She was so adamant early on in her career to be a successful hotel operator. Being a hotel management major, she interned at major hotels in the mainland of China and Singapore. She shared how hard her life was working in a hotel in Beijing, China, where her day-to-day job was to do all sorts of chores making sure the banquets were smooth. After all, she was not a spoilt lady who always had her way and gave up readily in face of difficulties.

Sarah had that notion in her mind to become the one who brings lavish hospitality to every a traveler who ever stays with the hotel which she is part of. I was inspired by her being steadfast in pursuing her vision and actually having a clear plan to realize it. Her friendly personality, grounded approach towards personal development and having a mission-driven life were all attributes that I admired the most.

First date — or not

After the gathering, I happened to be travelling in the same direction as Sarah, all by ourselves. So very natural I started to strike up some conversations with her. I found out that she was just back from an exchange study to the University of South Carolina — and I was just back from the U of North Carolina. To my surprise, I started to talk about my trip to Mexico and major cities in the States during spring break. She was fascinated by my sharing and shared her trip to Cuba. That was how we got to exchange number and started texting each other almost every day. Let’s just say I have a knack for finding interesting topics. Later I found out that she was about to interview for an internship position with a major local bank. Given that I had secured an offer from a bank as well, I suggested her to come out and discuss potential interview questions over coffee.

The straight, direct me

After the coffee chat we were texting and she thanked me for my time — even though we did not discuss too much the interview questions. I pondered if she was also interested in me. Otherwise she would not have agreed to come out and expressed appreciation afterwards. Instead of engaging in endless mind game and prolonged internal struggle, I preferred a quick result. So I texted her something equivalent to “I kinda like you”. Disclaimer — I know there are those who might frown upon reading about such an aggressive approach, for fearing that it might choke off a relationship too soon. Those from the school of “power” might say that the first one who let it out hands over the control to the other side and can only play a passive role going forward. To this day I still don’t agree that these tactics truly make or break a relationship. So I just ignored all those and chose to follow my guts. What I expected was a quick “yes” or “no”.

The straight, direct me

Strange reply

The message was sent across and I was pretty sure Sarah read it almost the instant I clicked “send”. There were that 3 seconds in my mind that I felt the whole world stopped spinning — and then I received a phone call from her! Taken aback, I was fidgeting there for a second whether or not I should pick up. But I picked up anyway.

“Why do you like me?”

Oh my! She was asking me for justifications.

Realization

Of course, we met again for more serious and in-depth conversations later on. I told her that I was attracted to her because of her personality, her vision and her being grounded. She hesitated for one moment before replying. And little did I know that I was about to hear a sad story.

Sarah was born and raised in an ordinary family and everything had been sweet until she was 9 years of age. During a family trip, Sarah’s mother acted strangely all of a sudden. She started yelling at one of the male travelers who happened to be in the same tour group over a small matter and even demanded a fight. However when she was back to the hotel room and by herself she started crying frantically. She was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. From then on Sarah’s life was turned upside down. Who used to be so close and intimate to her gradually morphed into the most fickle being. (Disclaimer: I am no medical expert) Sarah’s mother would always question the loyalty of her husband despite the lack of any evidence (to Sarah’s best knowledge). She became so harsh on Sarah and her elder sister that one time she even demanded Sarah to kneel down in a train carriage full of passengers while continuing to tell her off until the very last station where they got off.

What made it worse was that her mother did not think she was afflicted with a mental illness. She refused treatments of all kinds and medicines of different types. Sarah’s father was largely accepting things as they were. He admitted that her wife really had a temper there but he just let it be without encouraging his wife to go see the doctor, for fear of confronting with his wife on this topic. Sarah’s sister was so frustrated that she was simply waiting for her boyfriend to propose marriage and move out. Sarah was the only one who still truly believed her mother could be cured and she had been trying all she could to arrange proper treatment. The public humiliation on the train was somehow related to Sarah’s suggestion that her mother go see a doctor.

Sarah wasn’t supposed to be a person who was happy and always wore that perpetual smile on her face. She should have been a rather gloomy person who might frown upon trivial matters. She wasn’t supposed to have any plan to pursue her dreams because her mother simply would not support her financially. She almost did not make it to the exchange trip because the scholarship was incorrectly routed to her mother’s bank account, had it not been for the formidable effort she made to beg her money back. Yet there was Sarah, a cheerful, care-free young lady who was so optimistic towards life.

A cheerful, care-free young lady who was so optimistic towards life

The big question

I admired her even more after listening to her story. I think other people might have already backed off to avoid the possible confrontation with a potential mother-in-law who is mentally unstable (yes I was looking for long-term relationship). Yet I am a person who values personality and personal attributes above everything else. I believe what makes a good partner is not so much about socio-economic status or physical appearance. Rather, I am looking for people who are civic-minded, kind and caring. Sarah’s story had touched me so much that I wanted to be by her side and support her to face every adversity that life might throw on her. I believe that so long as a partners trust and understand each other, there is nothing they could not rise above. Now I finally understood the reason why she asked me for justifications being fond of her. Her family situation was so challenging that it might deter anyone who would like to develop a long-term relationship with her. In short, she wanted to make sure I understand the consequence.

I told her later on that I understood her situation but I was not deterred to pursue a person I truly admire. She said she needed some time to think.

Sharing

Shatin Park Amphitheatre, where I spent many a night listening to Sarah’s story (Source: Wikipedia). This is a place that I avoid traveling to nowadays

I might be very upfront in asking a girl out but I am never a pushy guy after that point, especially in Sarah’s case she would really need some time to think through her life. Deep down, I knew I failed since I did not gain the “traction” that I was supposed to get after expressing my feelings. But Sarah was so unique a person that made me want to listen to her even as a friend. She decided to treat me as a friend for now and invited me to Shatin, the area where she lived, and shared more about her life and her exchange study.

After dinner, we would usually find ourselves a seat on the stairs in Shatin Park Amphitheatre. Sarah usually did most of the talking and I just listened intently. Being more experienced in internship than she was, I started to offer all sorts of advice and encouraged that she should apply for internship overseas if she wanted to gain more exposure. Very often, she would share the latest status of her family, about the fluctuating mental state of her mother and how overly infatuated her sister was at fortune-telling through tarot cards. She would invariably break down to tears in the middle. I would then try to console her whenever I could and offered different perspectives so that she could look at her situation slightly differently. Over time, I even developed a habit of carrying a pack of tissue paper with me.

I was no social worker, nor was I professionally trained as a counsellor. But in order to help the person I valued so much, I started to study counselling psychology very closely and even bought a few books. All I wanted was to cheer her up and supported her emotionally whenever I could, even to the extent that I needed to upskill myself.

Pumpkin soup

I was trying very hard to please her and make her happy whenever I could. As a fun fact, I am quite good at cooking as I started helping my mother prepare dishes when I was still very small. Just in case you wonder, this is a tradition among my family that has been passed down generations after generations. I only cooked for my family as it is time-consuming and I only wanted to devote my time to person I truly care.

I made an exception for Sarah when she said she loved pumpkin soup and could not forget those she had tried when interning at a hotel previously. Very naturally, I got down to making pumpkin soup for her in order to re-create that exact share of joy. First I researched online to see what ingredients hotels usually use for pumpkin soup. Then I decided to up the game and used better ingredients. For example, I used double portion of organic pumpkin just to make the soup thicker and to have a more appealing orange color. I changed the type of cream to one that has a richer smell. Last but not the least, after pouring the soup into an insulated bottle, I prepared the garnish — toasted pumpkin seeds and fresh parsley and packed them into a vacuum-sealed bag. The garnish were only to be added on spot when the soup was ready to be served… Never would I forget the smile on Sarah’s face after she finished the whole bottle.

Phone calls

We were not meeting that often after Sarah started her new internship at a local hotel group. But every day after work she would call my cell and tell me what happened that day and we kept texting each other. To this day I sometimes still wonder if we were “de facto” lovers. But a better way to put it would be “better than friends, not yet lovers” ( 友達以上、恋人未満 in Japanese Kanji). She treated me as an intimate friend without developing romantic relationship. Later she told me that she successfully applied for an internship overseas and she would be taking a gap year in three months. I was kind of hoping this strange relationship could drag on so that I could stay with her for as long as I could. I was so afraid of asking her to be my girlfriend again. As I was worried that a “no” would destroy the illusion that we were in. That I would lose her and could not be by her side, even as a friend.

I would lose her forever.

But the overseas internship posted a real deadline for me to act quick. Damn…

Hand-holding

One night when we were out again in Shatin, I said I had some important things to say. And asked if I could hold her hands. I promised that I would not do anything crazy. She hesitated a bit but agreed to it out of the trust that we built over almost a year of friendship. I was so nervous that I could not feel anything when holding her hands. I took some deep breath and then looked into her eyes.

“Sarah, I just wanted to let you know that we have been sharing so much to each other. I truly appreciate you as a person and would like to support you for the rest of your life. Could you be my girlfriend?” I said. Geez that sounded more like an outright proposal instead now that I think of it!

She gave me a gentle smile. I let go of her hands out of manner. She looked at me with a pair of uneasy eyes. She stammered and stuttered. Enough, I knew I failed again…

Stalemate

We stopped the daily routine of texting and talking on the phone after that embarrassing night for we were not sure how to handle this relationship. That both of us needed some time to calm down and do some serious reflection. Needless to say I was so dejected and literally had to muster up all my energy to live through every day. I used to be a person who was not willing to give up at anything I participated. Only till then did I have to admit that being persistent in resuscitating or rekindling a failing relationship does not necessarily bring forth good results, let alone one which might have never started.

Scandal

Suddenly one day Sarah texted me again and invited me to Shatin. So again we met at the park because she told me she had some important things to share. That she got sexually harassed by one of her mentors.

Around 50–60 years of age, this mentor of hers had been a very successful businessman and a C-suite executive at one of the local telecom companies. One day this guy invited Sarah to travel to Macau together because it was his birthday. The innocent, unsuspecting Sarah said yes to this guy. Little did she know she was leading herself to the den of a crouching beast.

Just when they were enjoying a famous circus show in the theatre, this guy — this beast kissed Sarah on her face. Astonished, Sarah did not know how to react. She was so shocked that her nerve could not take it. Her mind just went completely blank. She did not give any response and was motionless. But this meant a totally different thing to the predator — this was a sign of silent consent that opened up for more outrageous actions to this guy.

On their way back, he pecked Sarah on her cheek again and Sarah was petrified once more. Alas, this poor girl just did not know how to protect herself. This guy even told Sarah that he was setting up an office and he needed a secretary — and that there would only be Sarah and himself in the office… Totally unthinkable.

Worse still, Sarah did not know what the guy was referring to when he talked about hiring her as his secretary. But her instinct helped her in rejecting this offer at once.

Rectify

Sarah was just sharing her situation with me and did not think of any further actions that she should take. I was so outrageous hearing this that I urged her to file an official complaint to the university, the entity who organized this mentorship program. Sarah appeared unwilling to report this case at first. But I persuaded her that other girls might be the next victim and this nonsense should stop. I urged her once more and agreed to accompany her during the meeting with the school authority.

Of course Sarah broke into tears and could not utter a word that day at first. But she was being so brave that she finally gathered herself together and shared every bit of sin that filthy beast had ever done to her. I added to the conversation by urging the school authority to take this matter seriously. Some time later we were informed that the school suspended the mentorship program and started an investigation into the matter.

Later that day Sarah and I joined a concert which happened to be held in the school chapel. I was mentally tired so I was enjoying the music without thinking too much about what happened that day. When I bade adieu to Sarah I noticed there was that in her eyes that made me feel strange. But I brushed that off my mind, thinking that she must be wrecked too for having to go through the unpleasant sharing.

Final attempt

It was almost time that Sarah had to leave the city. I grabbed every chance of spending time with her and helped her look for suitable accommodations in the city she was going to work. We would often meet in shopping malls or public libraries and research together. She was so picky about the housing choices that we would usually skim through hundreds of photos just to find a unit that suited her preferences. There was once when she was so tired that she just lay on the table and took a nap. I could not help but take a photo of her sleeping. We both laughed at that photo afterwards.

Time flied and there was only a month left before she headed to her journey. I decided to try my luck once more and express my feelings for one last time.

The contract

We met one night at the university. We were sitting at the open area by ourselves. I did not utter a word before handing over a folder to her. I had the same identical folder on my hand as well. Sarah opened the folder and found herself reading a contract. It was an A4-sized two-pager on which I detailed every promise that I would make had she agreed to be with me.

That I would be by her side during the first 2 days of the month (when she has her period)

That we could financially support her sister to purchase a house so that she could move out first, without having her sister to deal with their mother alone had Sarah moved out before her sister did

And so many other things large and small… I promised literally everything I could think of that was within my power, and those that were beyond my power. I knew what Sarah needed the most was trust. So I made two copies of the contract and signed on both of them. All Sarah needed to do was to sign on both documents as well.

There was a prolonged period of deafening silence…

Tears started rolling off Sarah’s face…

There has to be an end

Folks, thanks for reading on and on. I had failed once more. But the good news is, this was the last time I failed. Sarah appreciated all that I did for her. She had that impulse to ask me to be her boyfriend that night after the concert at the chapel but she was holding back so hard. She explained to me that she questioned herself many times whether or not she should just say yes. But for some reason that impulse she felt that night gradually wore off…

I gave up finally.

Man this is so hard.

What have I done wrong?

Epilogue

After her internship Sarah came back to Hong Kong and we had dinner — as pure friends. I did not have any fantasy over her anymore. She told me that she had got a boyfriend. There was a guy who actually flew to the city she worked in to pay her a visit. But I was not interested in knowing further details. Nor did I dare to. I just congratulated her.

We parted ways later that night. She had tears rolling in her eyes knowing that this would pretty much be the last time that we met. I had the pack of tissue paper in my pocket. I hesitated for three seconds, looking at her in the eyes. And then I just turned around and started walking.

Yes I might be cruel to her, for the first time. But I was doing ourselves good. And… I was being kind to myself, for the first time.