Why Self-Help Books are Bullshit
By: Trevor Huffman
Tags: Self Improvement, Change, Self Help, Stoicism, Self-awareness

“The costs of your good habits are in the present. The costs of your bad habits are in the future.” — James Clear

9:00 am: What is the point of self-improvement?

I mean, isn’t this self-help shit all the same?

I listen to self-help podcasts, read self-help and self-improvement books, and always try to keep learning about leadership, personal growth, and the growth mindset, but why?

Why is it I want to change? What is at the root of change? What is the psychology of change and the barriers to the life I’ve always wanted to live?

On one side, I have self-compassion, patience, and self-love, but on the other, my inner Stoic wants to practice grit, toughness, and critical feedback (and basically kick my own ass into gear!)

Does the self-help genre matter when I already know why habits create compounding returns on achievement— both financial, relationship, or career?

While self-help and self-improvement books are typically about personal growth, it should really be called personal change. I don’t think this where you should stay in your learning. Reading isn’t personal growth or change unless you put what you learn into action.

“Why focus on the process when the world is outcome driven? Don’t results matter? Yes, results do matter. But if you optimize for the outcome, you win one time. If you optimize for a process that leads to great outcomes, you can win again and again.” — James Clear

I believe there are better ways to grow than just reading self-help books:

I bet you’d learn more about what being a triathlete is if you sign up for a triathlon race.

I bet you’d learn more about being a startup founder if you started building your business, like now.

I bet if you wanted to be a better parent, you could make the habit of being present, engaged, positive, and communicative.

No personal growth coach or self-improvement author can do the work for you — and that’s the point — do the hard work and if you fall off the bandwagon, get back on as soon as you can.

11:00 am: Success is optimizing your process, not achieving a result.

In the world of pro and collegiate sports, coaches and players want to win a title, but at what cost?

I realized the art of success is in mastering (and enjoying) the process of being the best you can be.

If I could shoot one shot or work on my fundamentals, or my fitness each morning before my first or second practice, it was a win for me. There is no need to read about new self-help ideas if you are unwilling to act upon them and that’s just the point — change is f*cking hard.

Photo by Jean-Karim Dangou on Unsplash

11:45 am: We marry the partner that will help (or not help) us unpack our baggage.

Lori Gottlieb, thank you.

I forget this— that our baggage is always in there, waiting for our partners, closest business (or basketball) teammates, and kids to bring it out of us. They are the mirrors for the shit we don’t want to see about our subconscious self.

Why do we react negatively to situations?

Look inside yourself and ask yourself: what about this situation can’t I control my reaction to?

1:00 pm: Do the narratives we tell ourselves hold us back, or push us forward?