A Fish Surviving Out of Water
By: Melissa Bee
Tags: Personal Essay, Poetry, Photography, Short Story, Life Lessons

I adore the water.

I love looking at both the graceful and harsh patterns of its movement, feeling the water slide through my hands, settling my heavy body into it and then feeling light as a feather once submerged. The sounds of the rhythm of the waves crash into my ears and calm my soul. The salty scent moves me to deep breaths.

I feel a natural inclination towards the water, and I look forward to living by the beach one day. There is an indescribable peace when I am in the presence of water.

It feels right to be a Pisces. My eldest daughter and my mother share the sign with me, except they are both swimmers — I feel bad that I’m not fearless like them. I feel like I should be. Things weren’t always this way.

As a kid, I would stay in the water the entire time we were at the beach. As an adult, a parent, taken down two times with my children in my arms, my fear of water was cultivated. There we were, twice, struggling under the water, and for those quick minutes, I felt powerless, weak, small, and incapable of protecting my children and myself.

While I am one for overcoming my fears, I felt a more profound fear arise from thinking I’ll never conquer my fear of water.

You can be scared. We all are. The trick is to not let that fear take you over. Let it simmer, let it wrap itself around you to keep you alert, but don’t let it become you. — Courtney M. Privett

I am scared, but I can’t let the fear take me over. Writing about this has helped me not become my fear.

While I am not ready to barrel into this fence anytime soon, I do have three very special sources of inspiration that I believe will one day help me swim in the ocean.

All these years, I have encouraged my children to swim. I never instilled my fear of water in them. Whenever they asked, I said, “I can’t go right now, but one day I’ll go — you go. The water is beautiful, just like you.”

This summer, Bella learned to swim without a floaty. I watched her with stars in my eyes. She would make fun of me from time to time, but she never made me feel bad about it. I appreciate her compassion. My two younger children aren’t afraid of the water either. I am grateful Chris is a great swimmer and has shown them how not to be scared. I let him do his thing, and I do my cheerleading thing. It works.

The inspiration I draw from them will continue to build within me until I gain the strength to overcome this obstacle. It sucks loving something so much and being scared of it at the same time. I want to enjoy the water again like when I was a kid. I want to get through this to be fearless for my kids. I strive to be in the water with them one day — my inner voice hints, one day you will.

Whenever I think about water, I instantly associate it with my fear of drowning. As I wrote this, I felt the heaviness inside my chest, but now a mental block has been removed. I had to get this out to write about water in the future, in a different way. Now that I’ve written about my fear, I feel like I am a footstep closer to getting over my fear of being in the ocean.

Besides, I told my children that one day, I’ll go. My word is stronger than my fears.

Those who do not move, do not notice their chains. ― Rosa Luxemburg

I have limitless gratitude for Amy Marley and her beautiful creation on the prompt water. Amy, you have positively and hauntingly inspired me to write this piece. Thank you for nudging me to move, your connection, and your energy. I appreciate you.