“To Attain Pleasure”
Tags: Short Story, Creative Writing, Empowering Women, Military, Fiction

I’m tired of lacing up these boots, and sick of the color green. I carry the weight of the world on may back and freedom on my right shoulder. Sometimes I walk in sync with other men, but I am not like them. I don’t like being compared to those wearing the uniform, because it is an insult to them, not me. I cheat on my wife, I abuse my power for the pleasures of women. I shave everyday to standard, my blonde maybe dirty, but I keep the haircut clean. I’m only thirty, but considered old in this way of life. I stay healthy and fit, only because it’s part of my job. My high rise smile and nice guy tone is an easy disguise. I didn’t think I would stay in long enough to become a leader in today’s military, but everyone needs a so-called “hero”. However the biggest battle I face is the one inside my head, I can’t sleep without hearing the enemy from a distance, I convince myself it isn’t my fault that they died, I am the hero they are the villain. I hit the ground running, no matter what country I am in, except my own. Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria are my targets for now, but I keep my scope on Germany and Korea as well, just in case they can’t run from their past, like me.

I love my wife, but I hate this place, I want to go home. Everyday it gets hotter and hotter. I can’t take the heat anymore. I miss the sound of my kids’ laughter and the smell of my wife’s cooking. She’s a white girl from the south, but cooks like she’s black. She makes the best baked mac and cheese, barbeque chicken, banana pudding, yams and cornbread, that is seasoned real good. I like her southern hospitality, so I do my job and make sure they live in comfort, financially. And thanks to technology I am able to see them, but it isn’t the same. I video chat with my six year old daughter, but I have to fight back the tears, when she asks me when I am coming home, I’d rather not see her face at all. My teenage son is playing football, and taking interest in a girl, which surprised me because I always thought he was gay, since he was five years old. My wife is stronger than me, she tells me she is doing fine holding down the house, and assures me the reason she can sleep at night is because of men like me. She knows the sacrifice, and she is grateful and proud of what I do, she isn’t a selfish woman, but I am a selfish man. I lie to her and say we are protecting our country, when I don’t know why I am here and what we are really fighting for. We get told half truths, just like I tell her. She doesn’t need to know that I am not honest, loyal or trustworthy.

I’m never satisfied, I’m always hungry. I like to pretend I’m someone else when I wear the uniform, but that isn’t true. We are taught to be the same person in and out of it twenty-four-seven. It doesn’t help that I am the cliche. I shake and get nervous for no reason. Certain sounds, noises and people trigger it, thanks to Iraq. I am on a level of sadness I can’t explain. But I have to pretend I’m fine for the sake of my men. I can’t let them see me as weak. A leader is supposed to be strong, suppose to lead from the front, not the back. I will be damn if I allow them to see me shed a tear or multiple of them. They will not know that I can’t breathe and when I do I want it to stop, I have taken lives so why do I get to live mine.

While gathering my men in a formation, I notice one sticking out. There was a lack of height from the others, the body was petite, the hair was long enough to wear in a bun. This was a female, we have a few of them, but not a lot. She stood out more than the others, which isn’t a good thing. I do admire females who can take the heat, but this one was a little young, barely old enough to drink. She resembled me a little bit, that dirty blonde and high smile.

After I dismissed the men, I called her over to question her about being here. I didn’t want to come off as sexist, but I asked as she stood with her hands behind her back, legs apart. This position always made me feel uncomfortable, whenever a female would do it, but this is a sign of respect. She may be small, but her voice carried.

“I am here to serve.” she said with confidence. “I never deployed before, I want the experience.” She demanded. For a second I felt like she was in charge.

“Alright, meet me at the company by 1700, you will get a brief.” I said matching her confidence.

“Roger Sergeant” She stated as she put her legs back together, arms at her side and walked off, I felt relieved.

When she arrived at the company, I failed to mention it would just be me giving her the brief, everybody else I had released for the day. She didn’t seem to care or was worried, even though she should always have someone present with her. I told her to sit down and brought out some forms she needed to read and sign, as well as give her some information on the base. As she was looking down at the form, I could see the minimum amount of makeup allowed on her face. She was still in regulation, but I don’t know why she would wear it, she’s naturally beautiful and not to mention it’s over 100 degrees here. When she finished, she looked up and smiled. I thought to myself.

“Do not give in to temptation. You love your wife.” But somehow I always do. The last girl who was here, reminded me of her. She was a brunette just like my wife and was about the same age. But this one was younger, I don’t want to cheat, I don’t like to, but I don’t want to feel depressed for the next nine months.

“Done!” She exclaimed as she handed me back the forms. I grabbed them, slightly touching her hand, as I leaned forward and stated. “Be careful out here, if there’s any issues let me know.” She stiffened her back to give her a boost of confidence.

“I can handle it.”

One thing about this post is the civilians make it feel like home, as much as possible, some of them are even here just as volunteers. I don’t know why they would even risk their lives for us, but then again it is ironic for me to ask that question. Besides this is Kuwait it’s safer then Iraq and Afghanistan, the civilians over there are who I should worry about. They come out here and make sure the men have a tent that can hold Xboxes, Playstations and movies. Some of them are even able to set up events for them such as bringing in a famous football player, boxer or even celebrity to pay us a visit. I met Arnold Schwarzenegger and knew we couldn’t lose with a guy like that on our team. Sometimes, I don’t know fiction from reality, especially when every time you step out it feels like a blow dryer is being held at your face.

The civilians were able to get us a bus into the city to go swimming at a resort in the town. The men were excited, and the females didn’t shy away from exposing themselves a little to join in the pool. Then again it’s over 100, everyone is too hot to care about what our bodies look like outside of uniform. I cared when it came to her, she was wearing a two piece which irritated me, how could she allow these men to see her this way. Then from a distance I saw a gleam, a sparkle coming from her stomach. “Is that a belly ring?” it thought to myself. It angered me more. “Perfect excuse to kick her out the pool” I whispered.

“Johnson!” I yelled from across the pool.

“Moving Sergeant!” She yelled as she swam from one side to mine. She raised her body half way up from the water, hair soaked making her even more attractive. I kneeled down to the side of her, preventing her from rising anymore showing her full body.

“What is the regulation on body piercings?” I said frustrated as her skin was flushing, once again making her even more attractive.

“But finally” I thought to myself “lack of confidence.” As she got out and headed towards the latrines. I noticed she stayed in the latrines and never came out till it was time to leave. I hope I didn’t make her cry of embarrassment. Oh well, I want her to myself, and I wasn’t going to let other men eyeball her.

On the bus ride back she sat in the front, I sat in the back listening to soldiers play this game call “fuck, marry or kill.” A Private about 18 fresh outta high school, baby face said with a high pitch voice like he was still going through puberty “Marry Halle, kill Kim Kardashian and….” paused and looked at a hispanic soldier, well built, early twenties. “Fuck sanchez moms’” as he laughed.

“HEY!” Sanchez yelled as he threw some contents from his MRE bag.

I’m a movie addict so I’ll wait for that conversation, but it never came. The next one was about video games such as fortnite, assassins creed and of course the one everyone thinks we are playing live “call of duty.”

I pretended I wasn’t looking in her direction, but once I heard her laugh I couldn’t help but to. It was nice to hear it and it sounded serene. When we reached the post, everyone’s face changed along with their mood. It was as if we went through a portal to a different world in another dimension. I hopped off the bus.

“Alright 06 tomorrow room inspection” I sighed as the soldiers each hopped out rear to front. As soon as she stepped I tried to look down as if she was still wearing the two piece, even though she was back in uniform.

The next morning, I went through every soldier’s room. Some are 4 men rooms some are 6. I like how you can tell so much from someone’s room about their personalities. One of my guys is too clean, even for military standards. He is next level OCD, somethings off about him…. He brought special edition comic books, I didn’t see the point if you can’t even touch them. Why bring them to a place like this? that’s full of sand. Everyday I am shaking off layers, as if I showered in it. We don’t allow pornogrpahic material, so at least it isn’t that. Then you got those who leave dirty clothes, food and crumbs everywhere, and always have an excuse. I had to make one of the guys have a shower buddy, since he isn’t good with hygiene. Thank god the females rooms are usually cleaner.

“AT EASE!” I hear as I walk in.

“Carry on” I say as I make my way. There’s a couple, mom’s here, one is only a private because she joined late. She has nothing but pictures of her kids everywhere, and is constantly talking on the phone with them at different hours of the night, due to the time zone. I feel bad for her, why not make your husband come instead. Another female not much older than me just had a baby and it was her choice to come and leave the baby with her husband. I wouldn’t have allowed it, but that’s why it is called a selfless service. I release them one at a time and make my way to Private Johnson’s side. She is facing forward not looking at me, as I check the floor and behind her bed, when I’m actually inspecting her. It’s just us here, I could claim her before the other men do, but I kept asking myself why didn’t she go to college? Why this? As I move towards her wall locker and open it, I see a picture. A picture of a man in uniform standing next to a small girl that was a younger version of Johnson. On the bottom it says “Love you Dad.” That explains it. I convinced myself.

“Relax” I state as she releases her arms, waits for me to move from the wall locker. I stare hoping to make her uncomfortable, to see her face flush again. But instead she says with her chest.

“According to AR 670–1, I am allowed to wear body piercings outside of uniform, Sergeant.” I raised my eyebrows, not knowing if I was impressed or insulted. She intimidates me to the point where I move out of her way as she closes her wall locker. I knew that I couldn’t manipulate her like the others, however I am a patient man and I have plenty of time to break her.

The next day 1SG wanted me to have my platoon police call the place. I think it is stupid, there is something called sand storms that’s going to blow all this shit away anyways, and it’s too damn hot to be out wandering around for trash. Why the fuck did we come all the way to another country to clean up there trash? oh wait we are “American’s” we love to police call the world.

“Alright, I need all of you to clear out the bunkers and the latrines.” I paused to inhale “POSITION OF ATTENTION MOVE!” then exhaled “Fall out”

I saw Johnson wandering off away from the platoon.

Here she goes again.” I thought. “all by herself……guess I have to babysit.” She moves towards a bunker full of water cases, I follow behind picking up small pieces of trash pretending I am busy. As I reach the bunker where she is at, I see her try to reach and open one of the cases, but she’s too short. I will have to help her before she dehydrates. I reach over her as she jumps to the side.

“Jesus Sergeant!” I didn’t see you, she chuckled.

“You should always be paying attention to your surroundings” I scolded her. She starts to flush again. “Nice” I thought to myself.

“I know” she says with a sigh. I should make her apologize, respond to me with a…

“I’m sorry Sergeant.” then I’d be satisfied.

I placed the case on the ground and opened it to hand her the bottle, then I pulled it back as she tried to reach for it. She chuckled. Then I did it again, this time over my head with a serious look on my face.

“Ugh Segreant i’m thirsty” she says playfully.

“I know…” I said, staring at her a minute straight. “You know in some places when you hand a water bottle over that’s already opened, the person won’t drink because it is considered unclean.” she looked at me eyebrows up.

“That’s strange…”

“Yeah religious thing or something, I did it to a kid once” She gave me a new face expression, as I unscrewed the cap for her and glared handing it to her. She grabbed it with force and gave me an angry stare as she chugged every drop in front of me. She then smacked her lips, exaggerating how refreshing it was. I knew she was lying, the water is hot as fuck here, even with being under the shade of the bunker. We headed to another bunker that looked like the National Guard had a party in it. There was trash everywhere, MRE’s, junk food from the USO and names of females in chalk crossed out on the wall.

“What the hell…” Johnson looks up in shock. I could feel the anger building up inside me reading the names hoping Johnson’s name wasn’t on this list. I knew what this meant. I know all about the “nasty girls” glad she isn’t one of them.

“Sergeant Smith!” I hear a voice coming outside the bunker, as I got half way down the list.

“Moving!” I yell recognizing it as 1SG, as me and Johnson both raced out. 1SG looked at me questionably, as he inhaled deeply.

“I’m giving you orders to accompany the commander in Qatar to check on the soldiers”

“Roger,” I acknowledged, standing at parade rest. As I looked out the corner of my eye I saw Johnson leaving.

How dare she leave me, I thought….I think 1SG caught me staring, but I don’t care, he needs me more than these other Sergeant’s, because I get shit done, they can’t survive without me. That is why he favors me, like a father who praises his first born son. He exhales the breath he took a minute prior and states.

“You are not staying in Kuwait” I look up in disbelief “ you will also accompany him in Iraq and Afghanistan.” I look up at him like a son who doesn’t know why he is being punished.

“Yes, 1SG” I say, still standing at parade rest, eyes front. He turns, watching Johnson giving her the same look I do. He sighs, then looks back at me inspecting me for a minute straight slowly up and down, and states.

“As you were”

****************************************************************

8 months later, Ft. Hood Texas.

We all were united again, finally heading back home. We barely had time to catch up about our times in Iraq, Afghanistan, Qatar and Kuwait. It took over 24hrs to get packed and out of the country. We were all tired, drained, three skin shades darker and needed a shower. I was on the back of the plane and Johnson was in the front, she looked even better with a tan, but she looked distanced, as if she no longer existed. I kept looking forward and peaking my head over the seat. I wanted to hear it, that laugh she had, months ago on the bus, but instead she was silent. As soon as we landed, there was a ceremony where all our friends and family were there cheering us on as if we had just won a war, when we haven’t done a thing. I recongnized an older man with a veterans hat on in a wheelchair, even though he couldn’t stand up, his presence made it feel like he was able to. He was missing a limp, but that didn’t stop him from pacing forward and giving Johnson a bouquet of flowers. I could see her smile come back as she got teary eyed and flushed, she leaned forward and hugged him. Then I heard a giggle from the crowd.

“Daddy!” A little girl yelled as she ran towards me with a ribbon in her hair carrying balloons and flowers. I hugged her as her older brother came and expected his turn. My wife followed with her bold brunette hair waiting patiently, with a smile as high as mine. I rushed to throw my duffle bags and rucksack in the trunk of the car, as if the enemy had landed here with us and we had to make a get away. Just as I’m about to close the trunk I hear a laugh from a distance, I don’t turn, I smile then slam it shut.

On the way home, I stopped at Walmart, just to grab a few things. I hated going there in uniform. I tried to race before anyone stopped me because I hated hearing it, like I was some type of hero when they didn’t even know me, but it was too late, as soon as I grabbed the change the cashier looked up and said “Thank you for your service”