Elul, the Ideal Time to Mend a Relationship
By: Rabbi Gamliel Respes
Tags: Inspiration, Rosh Hashaná, Spirituality, Religion, Judaism

Elul is a great time to take stock of where you are in your relationships and to rebuild broken relationships…

The month of אלול Elul began this past Sunday on the Jewish calendar. Why is that significant? Rosh HaShana is less than thirty days away and Yom Kippur is less than forty days. Rosh HaShana is not only the Jewish new year, but it is also the day of hearing the shofar, the day of remembrance, and the day of judgment.

Return to the way of tzedakh

I think Rosh HaShana is sort of like an annual review or evaluation, similar to an evaluation at your job. HaShem is reviewing our performance for the past year. This includes our thoughts and our actions. Where have we missed the mark this past year? Was there a mitzvah that we could have done and didn’t do? Was there a mitzvah we shouldn’t have done, but we did? Our Chachamim (rabbis) teach us that the beginning of Elul is a good time for us to do self- reflection, introspection, and/or self- evaluation.

Many Jews begin the process of תשובה (teshuva). Teshuva is the Hebrew word for repentance. Another translation of teshuva is, to return. But where are we trying to return? We may have gone astray and we want to return to the way of צדקה tzedakah (righteousness). Maybe we are trying to return to a better relationship with HaShem or our fellow human beings.

There are three stages of teshuva

HaShem loves us and always desires to have a relationship with us. Unfortunately, sometimes our actions may cause us to become estranged from HaShem. How do we get the relationship back on track? Our chachamim teach us that teshuva is the process to regain the close relationship with HaShem. There are three stages of teshuva: confession, regret and a vow not to repeat the misdeed. The Rambam says teshuva is complete when one has the opportunity to commit the same sin and they do not.

We are taught that teshuva can help repair our relationship with HaShem, but what about our relationship with our fellow human beings? Were there things that we may have done or said that caused hurt or pain to someone? Have we gotten into conflict? This is a good time to mend and repair that relationship. Teshuva helps mend our relationship with HaShem, but to heal relationships with other people we must apologize, make restitution, and ask for forgiveness.

Get one’s ego out of the way

If you have had a conflict with someone, it can be scary to have that conversation to resolve the issue. It can be difficult to get one’s ego out of the way to regain the relationship. Orrin Woodward outlines five steps that can be helpful to mend and repair a relationship you may be interested in repairing. Here is a link to his five steps to conflict resolution: https://orrinwoodwardblog.com/2010/10/26/conflict-the-five-steps-to-resolution/. Muster up the courage and heal that relationship.

Many Jews begin reciting סליחות (selichot) penitentiary prayers, hearing the shofar at the end of שחרית shacharit (morning prayers), or reading Tehillim, twenty seven Psalm 27 at the beginning of Elul. Although we should and can do teshuva and repair relationships any time throughout the year, this time of year is considered to be more auspicious. The Rambam tells us “the sound of the shofar is a wake-up call, awake oh sleepers and ponder your deeds”. To quote my lovely wife “the King is in the field, can you feel it; the King is in the field, can you feel it!” The King is in the field and ready to receive us, let us do our part to renew that relationship.

Let us do the work of teshuva now so that as we approach Neilah on Yom Kippur, we can enjoy a complete selicha and kapparah.

!!!שנה טובה ומתוקה

A HAPPY AND SWEET NEW YEAR!!!

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. Please check out my channel on YouTube, Rabbi Gamliel Respes and please join my email list to stay in touch.

Rabbi Gamliel Respes is a life coach and writer. He lives with his wife in Philadelphia. He enjoys sharing his love of Torah and inspiring people to be their best. He is available to lecture for your group.