The Only Man On The Santa Maria Who Knew The Truth
By: Bashar Salame
Tags: Humor, History, Fiction, Comedy, Satire

HUMOR

The Only Man On The Santa Maria Who Knew The Truth

Why Columbus left him for dead in the new world

Photo by Thruston Benny on Unsplash

Christopher Columbus grew excited. Peering through a telescope aboard The Santa Maria, a vicious smile consumed his face.

As The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria approached land, concluding an arduous sixty-one day journey, all on board were elated. Success, they all thought! Columbus had found a new trade route to India.

Well, all except one man.

The only man who knew the truth.

“I’m not sure where we are, but I know one thing, this isn’t India,” thought Antonio, a relatively unknown sailor and amateur navigator aboard The Santa Maria. Antonio kept quiet. Why spoil the party when his boss was so excited?

At the bow, Columbus leaped for joy, “We did it men”, he proclaimed. “We’re here, I told them I would reach India by sailing west. And here we are. India.”

Antonio simply shook his head, but kept it down, careful not to draw unwanted attention.

You see, what Columbus and the others onboard didn’t know was this; Antonio had gone to India previously by a more traditional route. He and a few friends had traveled, mostly by land due east, eventually reaching the thriving subcontinent. Now, here he was, facing a crisis; remain quiet, or spoil the party.

Upon making their way to the shores of what we now call The Bahamas, Columbus, a few others, including Antonio, walked further inland encountering the Native Taino People.

“Hey, Indians!” Columbus proclaimed with elation.

“No” Antonio accidentally slipped. Too late, he couldn’t unsay it. Suddenly, all the men, including Columbus, looked towards him. Antonio comically turned to look behind himself also, as if the word came from someone else. Sadly, no one was there to deflect blame.

“Antonio, what did you say?” Columbus asked intimidatingly.

“Nothing. What? I didn’t say anything,” responded Antonio.

“We all heard you, you said, no. Why did you say no?” Columbus inquired.

Antonio took a deep breath, looked towards the sky briefly, then addressed his boss.

“These aren’t Indians, man. And this isn’t India,” Antonio countered.

The rest of the men looked towards Columbus confused, hoping for an answer. Columbus, himself in shock, stepped towards Antonio.

Antonio paused briefly and continued, “Look, Chris, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to say anything. You and the guys were so excited. We did it. Yay, India, here we are. Well, we’re not. We’re not in India. I’ve been to India, Chris, and it looks nothing like this. That’s not how Indians look, let alone dress. We can’t just call this India man.”

Columbus remained speechless. Some indigenous people (not Indians) had gathered, looking towards Columbus and his men in shock. They too were speechless.

Antonio being uncomfortable with all the silence took it as a sign to keep speaking, “Look Chris, this is huge man. This is way bigger than finding a new route to India. We, YOU, you found a New World dude! Who knew this was even here? I mean these people that are already here obviously did, but Europeans didn’t. I sure as hell didn’t. Did you guys? (continued silence from Chris and the others) This might be just a small section. I mean, there could be a whole land mass here bigger than Europe, bigger than India. This is huge!” Antonio exclaimed.

Christopher Columbus simply eyed Antonio, absorbing everything the man just said. He then shifted his gaze to the other men, smiled, then burst out in laughter. The others soon joined. Columbus and all the men were soon laughing hysterically. Antonio smiled slightly. Columbus walked towards Antonio, placed his hand on his shoulder, looked back to the others.

“Kill this man and bury his body,” Columbus instructed and simply walked away towards the gathering crowd of indigenous people shouting, “Indians, what’s going on, where are the spices and gold?”

The men approached Antonio who slowly began walking back towards the ocean. As one lunged towards him, Antonio turned quickly, ran into the water, dove in and swam for his life.

Being born and having lived on the Spanish coast, Antonio Trinidad was an incredible swimmer, able to hold his breath for extremely long periods of time. As Antonio fled further, becoming less visible, the men discontinued their already lackluster effort. They turned their attention towards land and were summoned to join Columbus, now interacting with the natives.

As the men neared Columbus, he said, “let that idiot drown, not like there are a bunch of other islands around here or anything.”

Antonio Trinidad would eventually find refuge on another, not so distant island, from where the Columbus expedition landed.

He would go on to “discover” a series of islands, some inhabited, some not, finally making it to what we now call Trinidad and Tobago, off the coast of Venezuela, where he lived the remainder of his years as a tobacco farmer.