A letter to my unborn son — uKhwezi
By: Lisema Monare
Tags: Father And Son, Fatherhood, Parenting, Parenthood

Khwezi,

There are approximately 20 days before we welcome you to the world. I must say it’s a mixing pot of emotions that I am feeling. There is a huge amount of excitement and joy within me and the family. I am personally looking forward to the sound of your laugh and your voice. I am looking forward to the road trips we will make as a family. I am looking forward to seeing the gap between your top incisors (it’s a Monare trait). Giving you your first nickname a.k.a ‘Big Boi Khwez’. I am looking forward to everything that you will bring to our lives. Excitement is not the only emotion that I am consumed by. I am also consumed by fear and an unsettling sense of anxiety. I really cannot pin point where this comes from. I am generally a relaxed cat. Perhaps these emotions come from my observation of the world we live in. This place can be cruel and cold. It is not a perfect place at all. At times I think, how can an innocent soul enter and navigate such a place. I get scared for you. I guess that’s my fatherly instinct. But fear is not a just reason to not live. In fact, it should be confronted with all your being because life is for the living.

There’s no linear path to success, or joy, or love, or fairness. The route is often bumping, complex and uphill. There is absolutely no blueprint to this thing called ‘life’. If there was, I would hand it to you on the proverbial silver platter. I wish many things for you my boy. However, these are my top five:

1) Know that you are enough. There will be many times that you will feel that your self-worth is determined by some external force. Self-doubt may consume you at the best of times. Remember that it is you that won that race to catch that egg in your mother’s womb. There is no doubt in my mind that the world will be a better place ’cause of you. There is no doubt in my mind that the world needs you as you are: perfect with all your flaws.

2) Leave the world a better place. The world is a broken place. This may sound like a negative sentiment. However, I want you to see this fact as an opportunity. An opportunity to do good. You have a responsibility to repair some of it. It is not good enough to leave it as you found it. Contribute to making the world a better place for humanity and mother-nature. ‘Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.’

3) Time is precious so be in the present as much as you can. The world is a couple of billion years old. This is how a billion looks like: 1000 000 000. Of this time, you will occupy the planet for around 80 years. In the bigger scheme of life, you are on this beautiful plant for an incredibly small amount of time. Learn from you past, create your future but enjoy the present as much as you can.

4) You are a creator so create. Produce and create as much as you can. This can be the creation of knowledge, artefacts, or art. Allow your imagination to run wild in whatever space you find yourself in. We are born into a system that seldom encourages wild thinking. We are born into a world that puts patterns into boxes. Creativity is human. Conformity is taught.

5) Respect, love and take care of womxn. They are the givers of life. They are the bedrock of humanity. They are our partners in life. They are not to be conquered but to be loved and respected like all living creations.

I wish you a full life filled with laughter, love, service, adventure and community.

uBaba wakho,

Lisema Monare