Ready. Authenticity and Your Comfort Zone
By: Crystal-Marie Sealy
Tags: Comfort Zone, Mindfulness, Crystal Marie Sealy, Keynote, Authenticity

I truly believe these:

“All true parts of you enhance your well-being. Your comfort zone too. Sit out the fad of "getting out of it". Watch your peace of mind return. Why? It isn’t stuck. It is rest, the womb. It’s where the next step begins... when you’re Truly ready.” — Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, Mom.

"Another case of, "not everything in quotes is fact". You do not have to "get out of your comfort zone". Comfort isn’t keeping you back." — Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, Mom

My motivational and business keynotes, respectively, Authenticity for Gentle Resilience, and Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™, evolved organically, out of my experience and client relationships, as a consultant. I have seen a lot of damage done by bullies in advisory roles — coaches, consultants, board advisors, etcetera . In some cases, it’s almost the industry norm!

I could not hold space for each of these amazing people to rebuild themselves after months or years of being torn down — honouring individual sovereignty, not adding my voice to their process — but I could speak and write on it. As an empath, I realize that it’s easy, but draining, to hold space for so many. I love the healing potential of it, as much as I do my brand of mindful consulting, keynotes and books, but I reach more people, and leave them space for self-discovery at their own pace, as a speaker and author.

There’s also an insidious habit we have as humans of projecting our unhealed trauma responses as solutions for others — because they seem to work for us. Unless we’re even somewhat conscious, we miss the damage we do. Individual sovereignty and free will barely even cross our minds. Intentionally or not, this becomes another form of the same bullying:

Unsolicited advice we’re 'sure' is best for someone else’s life, when we have barely seen the ‘tip of the iceberg’, haven’t considered nuances, and we’ve “definitely seen this before". (Having seen the harm in this, I’ve so often wanted to say, “well, I hope you put your head on a block for it", but that doesn’t honour who I am inherently.)

Labeling others, much like the unsolicited advice above, without much depth, because we 'have seen enough to know’. The wisest folks I know do not label anyone, because the more they know, the more they know that they do not know, and the more they see that people are individuals. People may have similarities, but we are too nuanced for accurate labels. E.g. Flighty, Narcissists, Codependent, Lazy, Pushover.

Stripping the positive value of important words our well-being (not familiarity, or fear, but well-being) define as safe for rebuilding or creating something new e.g. comfort, leisure, ego, self, receiving — because of our own shame response — then “wondering" about the state of mental health today. Ego, for example, is not bad. We look at it through one lens (akin to arrogance) and decide that’s all it is and throw it away. Without it, we would not understand boundaries as a part of the human experience.

There are other perspectives, of course, but this article focuses on this last bullet point. Be careful what you buy into fully. We know this, but I still find it worth inviting you to consider that not everything in quotes is fact. This article reminds us that comfort, and specifically, our comfort zones, are crucial for our well-being.

Comfort Zone

This refers to your true comfort zone. Often confused with periods of feeling boredom, fear or paralysis for whatever reason, I do not believe this to be your comfort zone. Unless you’re burnout or need a long break, binging Netflix (or novels as I used to) will make your bum numb. That’s not comfortable. Perfectionism procrastination and analysis paralysis, I assure you, even when familiar, are not comfortable. Fear, of uncertainty, death, failure, anything, is not comfortable. Staying small to keep or belong to the familiar, also grows uncomfortable when you’re truly ready for your stretch zone.

Your comfort zone, however, is where you, uniquely, are comfortable. You know. Guard down, shoulders relaxed, breathing easy, nothing but leisure on the mind, comfortable. Comfortable.

Stretch and Panic Zones

Your stretch zone is just beyond your comfort zone, and is where growth happens — to expand your comfort zone. Not shrink it or make it disappear, but to expand it. It must be important. When unforced, when it happens organically, you’re enjoying the process—whether adrenaline junky or super-cautious—because it honours your own, innate pace. It’s why I speak so much about individual sovereignty.

You see, leaving your comfort zone before you're ready can push you straight into your panic zone, which may well cause you to shrink your comfort zone if the experience is too traumatic. I wonder how many mental health issues arise here?

Ready?

Ready. Many say that you're never really ready to move into your stretch zone. I invite you to consider, deep within yourself, whether or not you really believe this to be true. When you're ready to leave your unique comfort zone, you will be met with the unique ratio of exhilaration and apprehension that only you are comfortable (there's that word again) with. A ratio that brings with it a level of confidence that you really want this next level of growth and that it's worth whatever you face to have it.

I had this dream. In it, I'm surfing this monster wave that had taken many lives before. As I look down, I see the skeletons of those lost — my ancestors, I believe. My brain is sending off alarm bells, “whaaaat are you doing???” Yet, every other aspect of my being is 100% sure that this is my time to take this wave, that I will succeed where those before me failed, that my ancestors know too that this is why I'm here. I am overtaken by this deep sense of confidence, love and certainty. The knowledge that this is exactly as it should be almost lights me on fire, I am so sure. I am so ready. Ready.

I cannot speak for you. In my life, there were several milestones like this that stand out — and many little ones that compounded quickly for me as an entrepreneur — including moving to Canada, going to the Schulich School of Business to read for my MBA, having my own business and one of my earliest knowing moments, having my daughter. There are others, but these come to mind right now. They have all yielded personal growth — professional, sure — but personal growth, in the most profound and unexpected ways.

Self-Trust, Authenticity. Unique You

Trust yourself to know when you’re ready. No coach, parent, spouse or other, can know that. Self-discovery takes time, sure, but it really is worth it. Authenticity really does bring resilience, because when you go deep within to find what is true for and about yourself, self-acceptance brings unshakeable confidence. It is far easier to “live and let live” when you’re secure in yourself.

May you learn to recognize your intuition when it speaks, and may you always trust your own counsel first and last.

(Adapted from my original blog post of the same name, 2020-Nov-07)

About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie’s signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rat race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Live abundantly. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com