How to Neutralize the Poison of Anger in Relationships
By: Sadia Awan
Tags: Tackling Toxics, Partners, Relationships, Family Support, Anger Management

Being in love is far more than just a good feeling, when two people love each other they are on a rollercoaster ride of different emotions and anger is one of them. When you are in a relationship, there are situations when two people cannot agree on some matters. Such words are said that later people have regrets about, but sometimes people lament the poison they are capable of spitting out.

Are you finding it difficult to cope with the intense anger of your partner? You are not alone as a great deal of the couples face such circumstances where one partner has issues with anger management while the other also has to undergo undesirable circumstances. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t end well as both of the individuals keep argue over things that are not a cause and hence, don’t see the real problems.

Here are things you should consider before cutting the ties that anger can be a symptom of a mental condition. Intermittent impulsive disorder (IED) is a condition that causes unwarranted anger with impulsivity and outbursts — and individuals with increased anger need assistance and support. Anger can cause immense damage to the relationships if it is not controlled promptly.

For every negative emotion, there is always a source associated with it. So if you feel that your partner is expressing strong emotions — try to find out the source, the more you know your partner, the more you will be prepared to deal with your partner’s anger.

You need to ask yourself some questions to get you to the root of what really happens to your partner, which makes his anger explode. These questions (or others) may lead you to help your partner in suppressing his aggression and motivate him/her to find a solution and be better. Some questions can be:

Who or what makes him feel angry?

Do I give others power over my own emotions?

What things or actions directly affect how he feels?

Photo by Imam Muhaimin on Unsplash

Learn for example how to handle your partner’s hatred or anger. You can talk to them and guide them to do meditation, take professional advice to give him daily strategies, or become a more spiritual being. You can help him to learn that the power of change resides in them and that they are able to be better — to do better.

In a relationship, chances to indulging in arguments and get angry arise many times a day, so to avoid the accumulation of bad feelings you have to deal with your partner’s anger as soon as it begins to form in his mind. Similarly, you must strive to remove clutter from your mind as soon as it appears to disturb your relationship because if you allow it to accumulate, it will become increasingly difficult to deal with.

A relationship in which there are many frictions and conflicts of interest is also an unprecedented opportunity to diminish our self-esteem and selfishness, which are the true sources of many of a couple’s problems. If you can learn to be more patient and understand, above all, that your partner does not intend, much less to hurt you, it will be easier to support him and control the feelings of anger at the time of argument.

Once you will learn to accept your partner (or friends, family, etc.), you will stop considering them as the root of many of your problems and support them. In addition, if you are able to act with acceptance and patience, you will be able to help your partner to better overcome their anger. Feeling accepted is very different from feeling judged. When feeling judged, a person will automatically respond with negative feelings: they will become defensive, they will start to judge too, or they will become depressed. But if they feel loved and positively valued, they will relax and all of their positive qualities will emerge more easily.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

And really this is the key. People are shown to perform dramatically better when they feel valued and motivated in their workplace. The same is true in personal relationships. Patience, tolerance, and generosity are certain concepts that will improve the quality of their relationship, while anger and resentment deteriorate the relation. And although conflicts are inevitable in coexistence, they can be resolved without being carried away by anger.

As has been observed, it seems that proper anger management is essential to prevent a series of consequences that can compromise both physical and psychological health. And if you cannot find any way to manage their anger, you can take professional help from a psychologist to make things better.