How to Tell Your Mom You’re a Stripper
By: Jackie Thornhill
Tags: Sex, Women, Interview, Work, Strippers

How does living in Minnesota compare to Southern California?

When I first moved here it was like, really horrible because I wasn’t used to the cold. And it was freezing. People told me that it was a mild winter, and the lowest it got was zero degrees and apparently it usually gets like negative-thirty, so we got a good one for sure. I don’t know, I feel like it’s better for me in terms of less temptation to go out and — I don’t know — go crazy I guess. I want to focus and go to school, I feel like the winter is a good incentive to stay inside.

So winter and cold weather kind of calm you down?

I don’t know, I feel like when its negative degrees out you just don’t want to go outside. Especially for me, I have so much trouble focusing in school if I don’t really like the subject I won’t want to do it, so it’s better for me because I can give myself more time to focus on certain things. Especially in Southern California, growing up in LA, you don’t realize how much you get exposed to as opposed to the rest of the country, its crazy. Like, a lot of people in California grow up faster or see things faster I guess because we’re right there.

You went up there all on your own, completely independent — what was that like?

I mean, I’ve always been independent and I feel like its at an extreme level this past year. I don’t know, it’s been really eye-opening — like you have to buy your own laundry detergent. That was a thing when I started living by myself I was like “whoa, it’s not just there next to the washing machine.” You have to notice little things and be responsible for those details that you weren’t responsible for before.

We went to Chaminade together up until Junior year, so walk me through what’s happened since then up until now?

(Laughter) Okay, I’ll try to do my best. Well, my other school was awesome, it was the shit. Going from a very Catholic, clean-cut, everyone-wears-uniforms, mass-once-a-month type school, you know what I mean — mhmm — my new school was like half in a Korean Church and the other half was an office building and everyone was just so encouraging for you to be an individual. I remember my first day there; I was amazed at the amount of self-expression because I was used to everyone wearing the same uniform I wasn’t used to seeing people express themselves. And it was awesome, it was like an awakening for me I guess, that I could be myself and not be judged.

So you graduated, then what? When did you move to Minnesota?

I moved in June, after graduating, and took a couple summer classes, then decided to start dancing.

Walk me through the process — how do you go from first having the idea to making it a reality?

Well, when I was sixteen I began doing some research and I found out that apparently you can be a stripper in Rhode Island at sixteen. (It actually turns out the legal loophole allowing minors to strip in Rhode Island was closed in 2009). And after that I made all these jokes with people about moving to Rhode Island and becoming a stripper there.

I feel like — did you ever tell me that joke?

I did Jackie! I really did!

I knew that sounded way too familiar…

No but yeah, I found that out and it gradually became something I wanted to do because I was looking at blogs, forums, reading what strippers wrote online, really getting to know the industry without actually being in it yet, if that makes sense.

Yeah — so what was crossing the threshold like, how did you finally go from that theoretical place to your first real job?

I was literally sitting in Starbucks one day in Minneapolis, and I thought I’d go on Yelp and look up strip clubs. I’d been meaning to check one out and I happened to be in the city at the time in the downtown area, so I was like I’m gonna go find a strip club — see what’s open and if I can audition. I thought there would be none open, and there was one open — I later found out it has been in Minneapolis for a long time, it’s really well known. So I went, and I was like “Oh my gosh, okay let’s do it” and I was wearing this really cute fur shawl or whatever, and I was like “Okay I’m gonna try and go in here and work it, do my thing!” Like giving myself confidence, trying to keep myself up. I called them and they told me that they audition everyday and to go ahead and come in so I went and when I walked in there was this really cute, like red-light, low-light setting and it was really nice.

I asked for the manager and he asked if I’d ever danced before, I said no and he gave me a rundown of the club. People there are really nice, like my first manager always made a point of letting us know that women have the power in our line of work. He really made that clear to me, that this is my work space and the people are there for me — he made it a really strong point and that really helped me, like in the beginning especially hearing that from a man in the industry telling me that this is all you.

Was that an important prerequisite for you — that you felt at least that level of assurance?

Umm, honestly no. I was just ready to expect whatever, I wanted to go in with an open mind and what I received was really professional so I was like, okay.

So the experience exceeded your expectations?

Yeah, most definitely. I was really pleased that it was a really professional business environment.

That’s not just because everyone is nice in Minnesota?

Oh my god, that’s total bullshit. I do not believe in that! That’s a lie, that whole thing — not everyone is nice anywhere.

Do you think anyone can do this — because I know you, you’re a very outgoing person, someone who likes to just go for things, so do you think a person must be uniquely suited to strip?

Well, its sort of taboo for some people. You come to realize as you really begin to take your job seriously as a stripper, a dancer and you start to tell people — you know, some people here in Minnesota, especially more conservative people when I tell them what I do for work its kind of like “Ohh…okay..” because they have no idea what a stripper does. You know you always see strip clubs but you never really know what’s going on in there until the day you finally go in and it’s like “Woohoo, strip club!” So I don’t know, people they just don’t know and so they assume that it’s all horrible and bad and the devils work or whatever. But it’s totally not like that at all.

Relative to say, working at In-N-Out, what are the particular benefits to your line of work?

Well, um, relative to working at In-N-Out, — no I’d love to work at In-N-Out, part time gig, that’d be lit, get free animal fries (laughter) — I don’t know, it makes you very grateful I think because even on a bad night you still make something. Like one time this one girl came in who was a friend of a friend and I told her how much I made and she was like “are you kidding me, that’s eighty dollars an hour”, the way she put it kind of made me realize “wow, I get to profit off of me being a woman and owning my femininity and my power.” It’s very empowering, with wage inequality, to make as much or more than a man in today’s society. So it’s very empowering in that sense.

It can seem hard to imagine the idea of stripping as anything other than women reaping financial gain by taking advantage of a system in which men have assigned them objective economic value based on their sexuality. Are you a big believer in lipstick feminism and the idea that women can socially or economically empower themselves by taking ownership of and utilizing their “sexual power” for their own self-interest?

Of course, I love when women own their sexuality — and not in a way that’s like “oh look at me”, just like “here I am, this is me, and I am me and if you don’t like it then fuck you”, you know what I mean? Going into the strip club industry I have gained so much respect for the women I work with because they’re so fierce and they don’t take shit from anyone. It’s very intense, you know, just seeing that at work and on display in a business environment. It’s amazing.

I’ve heard the argument before (including as a life lesson from my parents) that women who choose to work as strippers do so only as a result of some damaging experience or general imbalance of emotional needs/desire for attention from men, etc. (I’m sure you’ve heard it all) — how would you respond to this?

You know, for a very select few that could be the case. I can’t speak on that, but for a lot of girls it’s literally just a job, a business, a means to get to a better place. So that whole thing, that it’s like all emotional, I feel like that’s just what the media portrays. You hear all those stripper jokes, blah, blah, blah, whatever, but it’s all just jokes because when you actually do go into a strip club and you see these girls you’re like “Holy shit, you are a business mastermind,” even if they did have a problematic childhood, they could still be living their life to the fullest, so I don’t know.

Do you think that maybe comes from people being overly sensitive to the norms they believe in being challenged?

Definitely, I think that society is uncomfortable with the fact that women can and will in fact do anything they want with their bodies. Then they have to give excuses as to why women are doing what they want with their body.

A while ago you posted a status on Facebook (giving me the idea for this article) about how your “hardcore Catholic mother found out I am a stripper” — that’s literally a worst nightmare type scenario, can you tell me how it went?

Actually, it wasn’t horrible at all because my mom is a very kind person, she has a kind heart. She said she didn’t judge me, her main concern was if anyone had taken advantage of me, that was her main concern as a mother and also as someone viewing it from the outside. She was like what happened to you, are you okay, did anyone try doing anything to you? And I said no, and if anyone does I can slap them in the face and tell the bouncer to kick them out (laughter).

So it was very liberating too. It was liberating because I felt like I had this huge weight off my shoulders that I didn’t have to hide what I do for a living from my mother because she’s pretty much, you know, she’s literally my family — she’s my mom she’s like the number one person, the number one family member in my life. So, you know it was very relieving to have her kind of be on my side instead of what I thought was going to happen. I thought she was going to like disown me but it was the complete opposite, what happened. She was very, very understanding and even supportive of me you know, and it was awesome.

In what ways did her reaction surprise you? Can you say a little more about your expectations going into the conversation?

I could tell she wasn’t expecting it and I could tell she was kind of upset about it but I think at the same time she realizes I am an adult and that I can and will make my own decisions, so she made that clear to me as well. I was surprised though, because when you grow up with a very Catholic upbringing you know, it’s kind of like “what — what’s going on? Is this a joke?”

Did you choose to tell her, or did she find out somehow?

Oh my goodness, no, she just flat-out asked me “do you work in a strip club?”

So she found out on her own then?

Literally I had my heels, stripper clothes and everything in my suitcase so she saw it. So yeah she just asked me, and at first I was done. I was like “oh shit it’s here.”

I’ll never forget overhearing a conversation between my parents when I was younger about how the father of one of my little league teammates and patriarch of just about the most straight-edge, bible-thumping, white upper-middle-class Christian family we knew had apparently been spotted drunkenly stumbling out of a local strip club in broad daylight.

My parents marveled at his hypocrisy, my mother reminiscing about the little throw pillows embroidered with bible passages the man’s wife had so lovingly decorated their house with. Demographically speaking he can’t be alone, it’s inevitable that some of your customers must claim to hold or even espouse religious beliefs which directly contradict their actions — obviously that’s their prerogative, but how do you think they rationalize this? Do any guys ever bring up their faith to you?

I mean, I’ve definitely seen guys that — like men have talked to me about their wives, this one guy told me about how he loved her so much and they’ve been together for twenty years, blah, blah, blah, but he was like “Yeah I like to have a little fun.” I was like “alright…for sure,” you know, it’s like their choice to come to the club no one is holding a gun to their head saying “Get a lap dance! Right now!” I think its just like, people who can’t really be honest with themselves or with others who do that. They say they have these beliefs but then they contradict them with their actions and it’s just, it’s stupid — I feel like it’s a double standard.

Also in that same vein, I couldn’t help but notice that we both recently liked a picture one of our mutual friends shared on Facebook depicting a nativity scene overlaid with text which read “Don’t forget to hate refugees as you set up a nativity scene celebrating a Middle Eastern couple desperately looking for shelter”, hitting the cognitive dissonance nail on the head given that many people in the US who do not like refugees will be setting up nativity scenes soon while remaining blissfully unaware of how ironically dead their dogma has become — do you feel that those who advocate for certain standards of sexual “decency” or prudence on a religious basis exhibit a similar strain of hypocrisy (especially given Jesus’ friendship with Mary Magdalene)? Why or why not?

Of course, literally Jesus was homies with the sex worker bro. I don’t even think Jesus like even wanted this religion to be based after him. I’m not religious at all, but I do think he was a person at some point in time I guess like — there’s evidence right?

People say that…

I don’t even fucking know, but like as the big fairy tale says he hung out with the ladies and the pimps and the hooligans or whatever.

Yeah that’s exactly my point — even as the fairy tale says, he hung out with the hooker so shouldn’t that say something to people trying to lead some sort of moral crusade based on Christian faith?

Most definitely, there’s a story where they’re about to stone Mary Magdalene I believe, and he said something about “let the one of you who hasn’t done anything wrong throw the first rock” or something along those lines, don’t quote me. Then everyone drops their stones because it’s like — you can’t kill her if you look at yourself and what you’ve done. And that’s always a story I remember hearing about when I was younger, you know being brought up Catholic and it’s so true, you know I’m not religious at all but it’s like “alright — gettin’ some truth I guess!” In this one instance…

Let he who has never sinned cast the first stone.

Yup that’s it! That’s one I’ll always remember because it’s like “yeah you fucking hypocrites”, he just called all of you out. (We were both wrong — it’s: “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7)

So ultimately then, does anyone have any kind of legitimate basis on which to criticize you for stripping? Or is it all just based on bullshit one way or another?

Oh hell no, they’re no basis for anyone to criticize anyone, but people always do it and as the great RuPaul once said “what other people say about me is none of my goddamn business.”