I Used to Wish I Was a Boy, Now I Am Proud to be a Woman
Tags: Empowering Women, Women Empowering Women, Women, Strength Of A Woman, Women Empowerment

That was more than 20 years ago, my feistiness then beginning to become a problem for my aunt. She raised my brother and me for a while when my parents separated. She was the epitome of a great Chinese woman: cooking and cleaning, minding the children (there were 5 of us!) and the chores, all the while keeping a mental checklist of things to do in order to keep the family ship running smoothly, never complaining about any of it.

If that was what was meant to be female, then I dreaded growing up. I felt it wasn’t in any of my demeanor. I was loud and bossy, more apt to get hurt or in trouble doing risky things than being prim and proper. I often thought, and maybe even said aloud, that my brother and I should have been born with opposite sexes. Not that he was prim and proper either, but he was more clean and organized (at least at the beginning), generally did as he was told, and played it way safer than I did. Apparently, my brother held the same traditional views too; he lamented before how great it would be if he had an older sister instead, so it’ll be like having a second mom. Well… joke would have been on him if it happened; I’d have turned out to be a lousy mom at that age!

A decade ago, when I jumped off the Stratosphere in Vegas

I understand now there is not a clear cut picture of what it is to be a woman, but at the time, only knew what I was taught. Yes, growing up, I watched American shows on TV, and saw other instances of womanhood, but did not feel like I had a choice. Subsequently, I was very unhappy and conflicted, and thought that if I had been born a boy, life would be so much easier.

In reality, though, was I far off from the truth? From the personal to the professional and everything else in between, women bear a great deal just by virtue of their sex. Let’s start with these two bookends.

The Mental Load

Take my aunt, for example. Her ability to keep track of and plan for the rest of the day and week, things that needed to be done for a household of 12, was just second to none.

Every night before, she had breakfast, lunch, and dinner in mind for the next day. She prepared every meal. Literally once a meal was finished, she’d have to prep for the next one. Sunday was also soup day. She managed to fit in daily floor sweeping, fruit peeling, dish washing (by hand), made sure us kids did both our school homework AND home homework (torture!), and the weekly laundry, cleaning, and mopping. God forbid someone got sick. Somewhere in all of this chaos, she made the mental capacity to note I was growing out of my clothes and needed new ones; that my favorite stuffed toy dog’s head was falling off and she needed to sew it back on; to bring the clothes drying outside back in before it got dark.

Not only is this type of planning borne almost entirely by women, it is also executed almost entirely by them as well, and it wasn’t until I got older was when I realized how exhausting this is. Feminists call this the mental load, and this concept was cheekily captured in a cartoon story, “You Should’ve Asked”, by a French cartoonist named Emma. Emma notes that while men will help with the tasks, it is after the women asked them to, rather than by just them taking the initiative, thereby making it an extra layer of labor.

Unequal Pay and Opportunities

In 2018, American women only made 82 cents for every dollar earned by men, a gender wage gap of 18 percent. While the number might fluctuate depending on sector, it is true across the board of nearly all occupations. From the arts to television, doctors to nonprofits, construction to even babysitting, women are getting less despite putting in the same amount of work or more.

And why is that?

Perhaps Oprah’s early work experience summed it up well, when she asked about the pay disparity between herself and her male co-anchor.

“I was told that because I was a single woman who didn’t have a mortgage and I didn’t have kids, that I was not entitled to earn the same kind of money as the man who was sitting next to me, doing the same thing.”

This was many years ago, but it seems like the idea still persists in different variations today, that the value of a woman is measured by a household. Because the opposite is true as well; women who tend to family also are finding it tough to have equal pay and opportunities. Called the Motherhood Penalty, women are seen as less dependable and invested, and therefore less likely to be hired or promoted. To combat, employers really need to actively take steps to level the workplace for both men and women, so women can have the privilege of fully contributing to the workforce should they choose to.

I really love this, but it applies not only to Filipinos or any group of people, rather every man and woman

Everything Else in Between

And then there’s everything else in between, which is not an exhaustive list. From the most serious issues of sexual abuse/assault/comments at church, the military, educational institutions, the workplace, home, the outdoors, in pictures where one’s just doing her thing, to the more mundane annoyances like mansplaining or telling women to smile more, every part of a woman’s life is much more scrutinized than a man’s. Our bodies and the way we dress, reproductive and life choices, and even whether one chooses to change her name is not ours to fully own.

The Name Tax — Dear Alyne

So in short, my initial thinking of men having it easier may not actually be wrong. But even after all of this, women are still standing, are still strong, and marching on. And this is why I love being a woman.

“We protest, we persevere, we get knocked down, but… still we persist! We prove ourselves again and again and again!” — Oprah’s keynote, Women in the World Summit

I can’t deny the strength of my gender. We bear babies, take care of others physically and emotionally, and in general, bring a softer side to humanity. I am proud of our collective efforts and accomplishments, and our breaking barriers and sacrifices. I love the support and encouragement, friendship and sisterhood. Women live longer, have better relationships, are more in tune with themselves, and run the world. I love the pride women have for womanhood. And most of all, I am humbled by and thank the generation of women before me, and excited for the strides ours will make.

I used to wish I was a boy, now I am proud to be a woman.