Learn From the Scholars but Listen to Yourself
By: Wardah Abbas
Tags: Islam, Spirituality, Quran, Religion, Muslim

Learn From the Scholars but Listen to Yourself

We all have unique spiritual realities

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

The first time I ever questioned the opinion of the scholars was a few years back at a particular halaqah that my friends and I used to attend. We had just welcomed the glorious month of Dhul Hijjah and in trying to maximize the benefits of the first ten days, we had decided to fast. At the halaqah, Our Mu’allim had mentioned to us the hadith about fasting on the day of Arafah; a hadith that I had heard many times before.

“Fasting on the day of Arafah expiates all the sins of the past year and the coming year” [Muslim]

This hadith and many more were not only a true sign of Allah’s love and mercy towards his creatures; but also a reminder that even if our sins were to fill up an ocean, Allah only requires a subtle act of good deed and a heart full of repentance to forgive our sins. It meant that if I kept up with the annual tradition of fasting on the day of Arafah, I would practically be sinless. My heart was always overwhelmed with so much joy at the prospect of all my sins being washed away leaving my soul as light as a feather and my heart as pure as a white piece of cloth that is free of stains.

But on this particular day, our Mu’allim had said something along the lines of “You can’t have all your past sins forgiven just by fasting on the day of Arafah. The Prophet (PBUH) was only referring to our minor sins.”

I looked at the Mu’allim and I didn’t know whether it was anger or confusion I felt when I asked him quite confrontationally “How could you say that when the hadith quite clearly states that whoever fasts on the day of Arafah would have his past sins forgiven?”

“Well, the hadith has been interpreted by the scholars to mean that Allah would only forgive our minor sins” he replied

“If I may ask, why does the hadith need any further interpretation? It is quite clear and unambiguous. The Prophet (PBUH) didn’t say ‘minor sins’. He said ‘all the sins’. There’s a difference.”

“Sometimes, the scholars dig deeper than the surface. They don’t look at a particular hadith in isolation”

This subtle but significant argument left me more confused and dejected; confused because I didn’t understand how and why a clear and simple statement needed a semantic surgery and dejected because should in case the Mu’allim’s assertion were true, my hopes of having all my past sins forgiven by fasting on the day of Arafah had been dashed.

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

Years later, reflecting on this experience and trying to understand why the scholars had interpreted the hadith in that manner, I had discovered that the only reason why they would so literarily limit the mercy of Allah was to try to make us strive for a sinless life. According to them, the only way to have our major sins forgiven was to be conscious of the fact that we had committed a particular sin and then make tawbah by admitting our sin, feeling guilty about it and resolving not to go back to it. This and only this was the one way to have our major sins forgiven.

So what happened to those big sins I committed unknowingly; that I never either thought of as sins or that I subconsciously did not even take notice of. If it was not enough for me to raise both of my hands up to my Lord and seek his forgiveness, how then would I get my sins forgiven? Was I supposed to just lose hope in the mercy of my Lord?

The Prophet had said we would have “our past sins” forgiven, not just the minor ones. It seemed to me like a deliberate effort on the part of our scholars to get us overwhelmed. But Allah knew best.

I was told to become conscious of the major sins; to learn each and every one of them so that I could avoid them, but when I finally got the book that was recommended to me, The Major Sins by Muhammad bin Uthman Adh-Dhahabi, I became all the more overwhelmed. About seventy major sins had been listed and explained in detail. Amongst them were quarrelling, arguing and picking apart another’s words.

I even learnt that losing hope in the mercy of Allah was itself a major sin. And except we all want to deceive ourselves, how many of us have sincerely reflected on a major sin like “lying” in whatever form it takes, felt guilty about it and resolved never to lie again. And even if we do, a simple statement like “I’m not at home” when you actually are is itself a major sin.

How was I supposed to super consciously live every day of my life, guarding myself against committing the seventy major sins? I felt stifled, imprisoned and eventually, a feeling of despair descended upon me.

“Say; O my slaves who have transgressed against themselves, Despair not of the mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is oft-forgiving, most Merciful.” [Noble Qur’an 39:53}

The day I stumbled upon this verse from the Qur’an, I realized that not only had the Prophet (PBUH) told us that we would have all our sins forgiven, but that Allah Himself had told us that He forgives “ALL” sins, as long as you remained a true Muslim [not a Mushrik (polytheist) or a Munafiq (hypocrite)]. It suddenly occurred to me that while not asserting that the scholars were wrong, they were also humans who could err just like me and it was only unfair to them that we had placed them on such high pedestals.

One cool Ramadhan’s evening, while listening to a particular episode from the Bayyinah podcast, I realized that Allah had spoken to me. I had learnt about the gravity of Allah’s mercy from listening to the halaqah of Nouman Ali Khan when he quoted a verse from Soorah Taha that Allah did not reveal the Qur’an to us to cause us distress but that it was indeed guidance and mercy to mankind; those who were conscious of their Lord.

For the first time ever, after so many years of reciting the first five verses of Soorah Baqarah, I picked up my Qur’an, this time trying to understand it deeply and ever since then, I have not felt more at peace. In the first five verses of Soorah Al Baqarah, Allah mentions the characteristics of those who are on true guidance and will be successful.

First is that they are Al Muttaqun, the pious believers of Allah, who perform good deeds and abstain from evil deeds.

The second is that they believe in the unseen and perform Salah and Zakah.

The third is that they believe in the book (the Qur’an) which was sent down to Muhammad (PBUH) and in the books (Zabur, Torah and Injil) which were sent down to those who came before Muhammad (PBUH) and they believe with certainty in the Hereafter.

I became conscious of my own unique spiritual reality, seeing that in the end, my Islam was between me and my Lord. And although it was laudable to learn from the scholars and the people of knowledge, I chose to trust my gut, to listen to myself and live my Islam in a way that would guarantee my happiness rather than leave me feeling stifled and dejected.

The biggest relief for me was the fact that I came to understand that Allah doesn’t demand perfection from us. He just wants us to strive towards attaining His mercy. This mercy was what we needed to be successful.

And now, to the best of my ability; as little as I can, I go about my daily activities, seeking Allah’s protection from falling into error, raising both my hands to him to seek His forgiveness and yearning for His mercy.