I’m No Longer Judging Others and This is How I Do It
By: Begüm Erol
Tags: People, Life, Self, Lifestyle, Mindfulness

How you see the world is a mirror back to yourself.

I believe we all mirror our beings in others. What bothers us about someone else is a clear reflection of what’s happening in our inner world. It’s a simple but effective theory. There are two possibilities that we need to be mindful of. It’s either 1) we envy them for not having what they have, or 2) there’s a deeply rooted environment based opinion within us. Let’s go with examples.

Firstly, starting with feeling envious of someone. If you see someone on social media who is living their best life traveling the world, setting up their own business, and spreading all good vibes around and it’s bugging you deep inside and you start to judge that person, there’s a clue about you in that judgment. The way they live their life is bothering you while you’re struggling at your day job and not managed to quit for years simply tells you that you have the potential to. You want to live the way they live too. You just didn’t show the courage to do the same. You didn’t take the leap yet. Your soul craves that relaxing life and asking you to do the same most likely. Apply this to the situations you judge others for being too much of something and see if it mirrors anything about yourself. They are mirroring a trait that you didn’t take the courage to embrace yet.

And secondly, if you say, nope the first theory doesn’t apply to me, I really judge someone when I don’t like what they do, then I have an offering for you too. Look deep inside why that thing triggers you. Another example: A common thing we all judge in real life or social media is usually when we see a woman wearing clothes that are considered provocative or sexual. If you see yourself in that situation of judging the other person, can you bring light into why you feel the need to judge someone or control how someone is dressed up? May there be a deeply rooted opinion towards that situation within yourself? Maybe when growing up or now as an adult you’ve always been surrounded by people who judged how they look, what others wear and it became your autopilot response? Or maybe you’ve been raised in an environment that the clothes are related to sexuality?

These are just simple examples from our day to day judgments. And there’s a very thin line between being envious of someone for having the traits we don’t and being envious because of having an autopilot opinion. But each time you notice that someone in real life or social media triggers a feeling within you, turn the camera to yourself, and see why that thing triggers you.

We’re all doing our best in life.

We all have different stories in life but we’re also very similar in nature. Our lessons may look different on the outside but the deep lesson is usually the same. The way we learn things in life is different. The way I take my lesson about loving another being may look different than the way you learn. But if it’s all about the same lesson, in the end, we’re in the same boat of being human. Or maybe the timing of my life is different than yours too. So, let’s leave the judgment at the door. Let’s not tell others what or when they should do certain things. Let’s not see others small when they make mistakes.

Instead, see everyone as a teacher. Your mom is a teacher. Your lover is a teacher. The person you came across at a cafe that was kind to you is a teacher. You’re a teacher. When we see every situation and everyone as a teacher life gets easier. We don’t take things too personally. Yes, some things are personal and there are things we need to look back at ourselves but if there’s a good thing we can learn from conflicts with others, we have a win.

Another way to achieve a non-judgmental personality is to look at a situation or person with empathy. When we examine someone’s story it’s important to see where they come from, their culture, upbringing, or what experience caused them to respond this way. Of course, if we’re not in the same situation with the person we put judgment on, it’s easy for us to choose the wiser option to act. That’s why we should see the conflicts mindfully from a wider angle and evaluate it without being too harsh on others.