So Suddenly, I see. (This is what success looks like.)
By: Cheryl Cadeline
Tags: Success Story, Adulting, Success, Dreams, Growth

I ate my Ice cream too fast and instead this shot is by Bekir Donmez .

I used to think success looks like a lot of people clapping for you…

After an evening of appointment, a very enthusiastic dinner of fresh burgers (there’s something about having fresh portobello mushroom in your burger. It just feels fresh.), my friend and I decided to walk down the street to get ice cream. Something that we oddly decided to have at the very last minute, nothing unusual just a simple ice cream down the road. Admittedly, as it was an artisanal ice cream shop, this trip just felt like a treat for my soul. ($4.90 for Ice Cream doesn’t really fit into my daily budget and diet.)

After a long queue and a grueling long internal debate of “what flavor should I get”, I finally got my ice cream. As we thanked the staff and made our way out, I took my first taste of this ice cream. And gosh it was heavenly… As I am juggling a half-finished iced tea and midway reaching out trying to steal some ice cream from my friend’s cup, I paused and suddenly blurted out loud: “Can’t believe it. I made it.” I was washed with emotions of fulfillment as I finally had my ice cream.

Years ago, I was at this very ice cream shop and I left that shop without any ice cream.

I was at a very very different place in my life then. I was just starting out in a job that was in the arts industry and still was actively working in the sustainability community. Mind you, the word “sustainability” was very much akin to a new “bold odd flavor of ice cream” (like mala and caramel flavored ice cream) back then. I was managing a huge passion project whilst working on a day job.

3 years ago. I entered this shop with a spirited group of friends from my passion project. They were a mixture of artists, renowned filmmakers, scientists, social entrepreneurs, spiritual gurus. They were an amazing bunch, they had so much faith in the world, love for the community, and were the kindest soul. I was just so thankful to have met and worked alongside these amazing people. But at the same time, I was juggling a heavyweight in my heart.

My bank account was $0 and I only had the last $10 bill and shillings in my wallet to my name.

Despite being a frugal working 20-year-old having a paid job, getting paid gigs on the side, and working extra time on a passion project. That was the first time I first saw $0 in my bank balance. Which then I realized was the cause of an administrative error from the office that led to the late payment of my monthly pay and a bunch of my clients was not paying on time that led me to this. I didn’t have any backup. I only had the money in my wallet for everything. My transport fare, my food fare, everything. So despite it was supposed to be the best time of my life. I was subconsciously stressed beyond imagination as I was internally fretting about having to spend anything.

Right after the project closing ceremony, we went for a post-project celebration dinner, and like all good nights end. We made the spontaneous decision to have ice cream and I loved ICE CREAM. I actually planned to just skip this part of the itinerary knowing I had literally $0 after paying for my meal and transport fare for the day. Knowing how much I loved Ice cream, my fellow teammate offered to buy me ice cream. And that was literally the icing to my night.

As we were queuing, friends were chatting about the flavors. I was about to go next and my friend shouted “ Hey love, they only accept cash! I don’t have any on me, could you pay for yours first and I’ll transfer you as soon as I have the battery on my device.” I gingerly smiled and nodded but internally I was just spiraling. I was thankful for the noise and chattering my friends made that allowed me to secretly remove myself from the queue and blend into other conversations.

We parked ourselves in the park next door and were enjoying poetry slams, artistic visions, ideas from entrepreneurs, and connecting with everyone from all corners of the world. It wasn’t long for my friend to notice that I didn’t get my ice cream and she gently asked why I didn’t get the ice cream. I brushed it off and said I wasn’t up for it. Of course, being the amazing soul that she is, she didn’t take my bullshit and gently said: “ Hey, don’t give me that. you really wanted that ice cream and I’m really ok paying you back the money, we could head back to get that ice cream. What’s up really.” and the next moment I burst into tears “ I can’t love. I have a job and I work hard but I really have $0 and I can’t afford the ice cream.” We sat down crying and talking things out and making things work. We shared stories of our experiences and they made me realize life is unpredictable and it’s ok if we fail. Sometimes our “failures” are what made life worth living for.

That night shaped me a lot, I started to rethink about trying not to fail but what can I do to bounce back each time I fail. But more importantly that night they made me realize it’s the process and experience that matters. No matter how much I had, I wouldn’t have that night and that lesson learned. But as much as I always try my best, trusting the process was never easy.

Looking back on that exact date, a year after that fateful night, I ended up in Spain working on the best project of my life and embarked on the most remarkable journey of my life. (Note. On that journey I got to have the Ice cream Julia Roberts had in Rome when she filmed the Iconic Eat Pray Love shot. Who would’ve guessed!)

And 3 years later. I made it out of that very ice cream shop and this time with a ice cream in my hand. I get to work on what I am passionate about and am able to create an impact on my community with both my work and passion projects. This made me realize all this while, I was where I needed to be and I just have to keep trusting the process. Don’t worry if you aren’t where you think you wanna be, you’ll be there someday. And who knows. you might have somewhere else you’d like to be instead.

I used to think I had to live in a mansion, own 20 dalmatians, and have a pool to enjoy this feeling of fulfillment. Cause that’s what success was sold to me to look like. But success isn’t always what we think it might seem like. It could be as simple as this. And like the music playing in the car sang

“Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me”

Ps: To anyone who’s gonna say anything judgemental. Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter if I could have done xxx or yyy. I did the best with my knowledge of that situation at that point in time, it might not be your best and that’s ok because I am perfectly not you nor do I aspire to be you cause you are amazingly you and I respect and treasure that by not trying to be you but me. Have an ice cream!

PPS: I love you, my friends. Thank you for making me who I am today. xoxo.