Terminology For Feminists and Anti-Feminists
By: Christyl Rivers
Tags: Language, Self-awareness, Politics, Feminism, Culture

Terminology For Feminists and Anti-Feminists

Some strong opinions you may, or may not, agree upon

The less known female mouse with her earnings. christyl rivers

Some terms that get people worked up: Rape Culture, Patriarchy, Toxic Men

To be nice, instead of being outraged, is sometimes a great challenge to writers and readers. It’s a word weary world.

It is for me, because I tend to get very animated, and sometimes, overly passionate, about my so-called ‘far leftist’ agenda. My agenda, to get people to appreciate one another and our planet, does not seem so far out to me. However, I do understand how it gets lumped in there with attitudes about man hating, ‘post-racial’ cultures, cultural relativism, and the upcoming elections.

‘Man hating’ is a phrase right up there with ‘toxic masculinity’. Do women hate men so much? Why is masculinity being called toxic? Why is victim blaming a thing, or, for that matter reflexively saying women want to ‘play the victim.’

Crying ‘victim’ is also heard ad nauseam about those of us who have talked about the dangers of climate change (now climate crisis) for decades. People feel that the environmentalists are just doom and gloom-y whiners. The Earth is not going to end, so lighten up, lady!

Virtuous Victory

Here is the thing, though. Victory is the opposite of victimhood. Reducing sexism, or racism, or domination hierarchy, which hurts people and planet, is about victory. It’s about celebration, social healing with grace and strength, and appreciation of one another.

Victimhood is more the purview of those few put upon white males who never got to be president, or boss, go on a consensual date, go to college, or drive a babe magnet. Whole people do not earn their self esteem through those things, alone.

We hear a lot about victim blaming and claimed ‘victimhood’ when we talk about rape culture. Isn’t rape culture just another feminist myth? Isn’t patriarchy, and male privilege just something made up, presumably so women can whine about stuff? It’s not, but when your mind is already made up that women ‘just make stuff up.’ No one wins. No one gains. We all become victims in a futile game of not hearing one another. In this sense, it is true, that victimhood, as a frame of mind, is self-reinforcing.

Let’s look at some other problematic terminology. The word feminism has been attacked from all sides more than a super hero in the Marvel cinematic universe. It is even reproached by some ‘lefties’. I looked at the word from all sides myself, and I agree that it has a serious branding problem. However, we have to sometimes look at words according to what the universal dictionary meaning is:

Feminism: The belief in social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.

Of course, the definition is somewhat slightly different depending upon which dictionary is consulted. Some include the word, ‘advocacy’ for women’s rights. But, instantly, this starts word wars, because, why not advocacy for men AND women?

Equality is not a better term, because it ignores, some say, that it is females, who have been historically disadvantaged. And, the fight is on.

Define it first

But we have to start with some definitions, to get a common grasp of what people mean when they use words. To many people, feminism has become a prejudice favoring women, not equality. To some, it is an enormous threat to our civilization, because they sense it challenges traditional roles.

Here is the truth: Feminism is always about choice. Want to stay home and care for children? That’s your choice. Feminists just want to extend the same choice to men who may want to stay home and care for children. That, and every other privilege.

Boys will be boys. This phrase is problematic. The dictionary tells us that boys are boys. If we must honor dictionary meanings, as we do above, what else are ‘boys’ to be?

But the phrase ‘boys will be boys’ has three words, and it seems to me that only disingenuous people will ignore that those three words together describe males being destructive, and yet excused for being so.

Are males all toxic? Destructive? No. Most are not, the problem is we have all been taught to tolerate a lot of rotters, especially if they are powerful, wealthy, predators like Cosby or Epstein.

In many of my articles, I use the phrase ‘magnificent masculinity’, to describe male behavior that is not toxic, and to be more encouraged. Putting adjectives in front of words should make them more, not less, descriptive.

No word gets more hate than the word abortion. Having studied it for years, my view is that abortion is extremely rare, and far less dangerous, in places where women are afforded easy access to it. More importantly, access to education and contraception lessens the need for abortion. Some people hate it that Planned Parenthood prevents more abortion, than perhaps, any other entity on earth, (except maybe education) why is this so?

Some people believe it is used as birth control. Some do not. Most people do agree that the choice should be up to those most affected by outcomes. It is on this common ground that we should all stand.

Most of us believe that the number of abortions should be reduced. We disagree about how to do that.

Coming to terms with equality

Creating equality, providing healthcare, encouraging education, and compassion is always a good way to go with any issue. With true equality, male birth control and male pleasure depends on all parties sharing consent, compassion, and caution.

Abortion will always be a difficult problem until equality makes it a human rights issue, and not a ‘women’s issue.’ A human being should have safe and legal access to all necessary healthcare for undisputed human beings. Being judgmental is not helpful.

The term ‘pay gap’ is thrown around, and often out, by those who object to modern feminism. Maybe it’s just me, but I think the term ‘earnings gap’ is far more accurate. Women are very, very often simply not paid at all for the housework and childcare they do. Basically, work that women do is devalued, until men become more feminist.

The phrase ‘women who work’ drives me nuts. I have never met a woman who does not work. The problem, for them and often their male spouse, and, or household, is that they don’t earn enough. And when they do earn, yes, we still have a gap to repair. A waiter is of higher status than a waitress. Yet, in some nations, most doctors are female. They earn less because a physician is considered be a care-giving type of occupation. But in places where it is considered science, male doctors earn more.

People fight about terms like ‘rape culture’, because just as with ‘toxic masculinity,’ ‘battered women’ and lots of phrases, we again run into putting an adjective in front of a noun. Is all culture rapey? No. Is all masculinity toxic? No. Are only women battered? No. Are all slut shamed people female? No. Does every job have a pay gap? No.

We have to learn to listen to one another, and solve this adjective problem. Ignoring how all of these kinds of terms became as feminized as Ru Paul’s Drag Race, doesn’t help.

Emotional intelligence

How about the term ‘emotional female?’ With feminism, true equality, expression allows men to be less pent up and violent. Emotionality is human, not female. And, anger, it turns out is also an emotion. Don’t tell human beings not to cry, we are better people when we allow true feelings.

Cultures, and socialization changes over time. Many women suffragettes wanted the vote because domestic violence (a better term than wife battering) motivated women to advocate for an end to alcoholic rage. They preached sobriety. That didn’t work out. But, instead, eventually women — even respectable ones — were welcomed into saloons and bars, and hooray (!?), even alcoholism became more gender neutral and less judgmental.

We live in a climate crisis world now. Feminism, is seldom accused of causing that, but it also is not invoked nearly enough as a solution. In a greener world, equality would see to it that resources are used wisely and fairly. Racism and sexism, always tend to slight one group in order to privilege the powerful. Smart men don’t want this any more than women do. Domination hierarchy, a term I prefer to ‘patriarchy’ is a big reason for this.

In one thousand years, I think the world, if we protect it, will be less unjust than today. The term feminism will hopefully be used in a historical context. Should we survive, and save, not destroy civilization, it will be because more men and women embrace feminism as simple fairness.