How Does One Handle Grief?: A Short Review on Never Have I Ever Series
By: Evi Kusumaningrum
Tags: Rom Com, Grief, Netflix, Never Have I Ever, Grief And Loss

With my one day break from work yesterday, I decided to binge-watch TV shows on Netflix and my choice went to this teen series called “Never Have I Ever”. It tells a story about a rebel Indian girl named Devi who lives with her conservative Indian family in California and basically tries to make her high school life cool despite all of the “don’ts” in the family.

Honestly, at first it felt just like another Netflix teen drama that would receive high point for representing minorities but nothing more. The nerd gangs trying to make the best out of their high school life by approaching the popular kids? A classic saga and I’ve watched it a million times in other series and movies. But something different also hit me about Devi’s story. In fact, it made me bawl my eyes out in the middle of the night when watching like the last two episodes of the first season. Devi’s story of losing a parent in her teenage years resonates to me, who basically also has the same story.

I too had to let go of my mom when I was just 17. I too have a huge trauma and scars after that happened. I too have a family that seems to fall apart after losing one member. And I too haven’t seriously dealt with my grief even though it already happened like 5 years ago.

In the series, Devi was in a huge shock after losing her father that she couldn’t walk for 3 months. Then she went to a therapy session where her therapist tried so hard to make her open up about how she felt on losing her father. In return, Devi only shared stories about Paxton, the guy she was so smitten by (well, honestly, we all are) and wanted to have sex with. Her therapist said something that really echoed to my heart about how Devi used her love life mission to distract her from her grief.

It was like a slap in the face that made me reflect on how I’ve been handling my grief. Did I use a distraction to keep me sane and not thinking about my mom? Did I grieve the right way? Have I been peacefully let go of my mom?. Then of course I went on an internet research session on how someone is supposed to handle grief and find this quote from helpguide.org.

“Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried — and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.”

I definitely used a distraction, hence I could already laugh in front of my friends just right after my mom passed away. A teacher even had to make sure if I was okay because I laughed so hard just a few days after her passing. I think I also used my study to distract me, and pop culture, of course! As long as I didn’t let my sadness be seen, it was okay.

Well, to be fair, I tried to handle my grief in a healthy way by going to a one-time therapy session like four years after that, lol. In that session, my therapist asked me to close my eyes and imagined if my mom was sitting beside me, and I had to tell her everything that I’ve been keeping to myself these past few years and that I have let her go. It felt really good afterwards that I think it mirrors the scene where Devi had to spread his father’s ashes and then kinda got her life back together after that.

I guess that’s a way of handling grief? But to tell you the truth, I still cry sometimes as if I still haven’t let her go. Or it’s just a way of me to remember her? I don’t know, but maybe I need to go to a more therapy session that requires me a lot of courage and of course, a lot of money. But I think writing stuffs like this is also my way of handling my remaining grief, so I apologize in advance if you’re going to read a lot of similar sappy stuffs like this.

Anyway….back to Never Have I Ever, even though it feels cheesy and predictable at some parts (of course it’s a teen drama what did you expect?) I’m glad that this show got me to reevaluate my way of handling grief. I’m glad that this show tells me that grieving is a long process. And I’m glad that this show tells me that it is okay not to be okay.

Oh, and I’m also super glad that this show has a Darren Barnet >,<