ILLUMINATION-Curated
By: Dr. Deborah M. Vereen
Tags: Loss Of A Parent, Death And Dying, Death, Grief, Stages Of Grief

Around the time that news about the covid-19 began to become concerning in February, 2020, my father suddenly became ill. While he was hospitalized, his condition quickly declined. I made the decision to spend the night at the hospital with him on the third night of his stay. It was at that time that I encouraged him to be placed on a ventilator to help his rapidly deteriorating breathing and oxygen levels. I held the clipboard for him as his weak hand signed the release for his medical procedure to be done. We prayed together and I said

“I love you daddy”.

The final words that he spoke to me were

“I love you, too Deb”.

That’s what he always called me. No one else said my name like him.

I smiled and waved as I headed out the door to the waiting area where I would spend many anxious hours. I tried to reassure my father that he would be just fine as I remained upbeat when I left him.

As I slept in the waiting room of the intensive care unit that night, my father’s doctor woke me up during the early morning hours to tell me that he took a turn for the worse. I was informed that I would probably need to gather my family to say goodbye to him soon. That time quickly came. Within 48 hours, my mother, sisters, and brothers in-law gathered around my father’s hospital bed and he breathed his last breathes.

One of the most touching moments came as my young teenage daughter suddenly called. She was spending a day of fun with a friend and her family. When she called, she told me she did not know why she did. I was able to tell my daughter that her pap-pap was getting ready to see Jesus and stay with him forever. I held the phone to his ear so that she could have one final one-way conversation with him. I know my father appreciated hearing her voice one last time.

My daughter had a special relationship with my father. He was the father she never had. They were best friends.

My family and I played the song “Through the Years” by Kenny Rogers, my parents theme song, as he transitioned to his eternal destination.

Provided to YouTube by Universal Music Group Through The Years · Kenny Rogers Share Your Love ℗ A Capitol Records …

My family and I held my father’s hands, talked to him, whispered prayers to the Lord over him, thanked him for being such a wonderful husband, father, and grandfather, and said goodbye. When he took his final breath, he opened his eyes and looked up toward heaven. I know with all certainty that his guardian angel escorted him to heaven at that very moment.

Days after my father’s transition to heaven, I took a few things that belonged to my father and brought them to my home. Among the items were the packages of gourmet coffee that I gave to him for Christmas that he never had a chance to enjoy. I placed the coffee pouches on a high shelf that was out of view in my kitchen cabinet.

Prior to my father’s passing, I thought that I understood grief. However, after living with the loss of my father, I now fully understand. I now realize that grieving is a process filled with progress and setbacks as well as good days and bad ones. I have had to live my life over the past ten months holding on to the deeper meaning of the words found in the biblical chapter of Psalm 23. The English Standard Version of that scripture which is also known as “A Psalm of David” reads:

“1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

While this journey of grief has been a difficult one to travel, I am making progress by remembering the beautiful life that my father lived without being consumed by tears. I realized just how much progress I have made earlier today.

My Turning Point