How Discussing Your Goals With Others Can Help You Achieve Them
By: Augustine O. Ojeh
Tags: Work, Self Improvement, Self, Goals, Discussion

Photo by Kate Kalvach on Unsplash

“Be practical as well as generous in your ideals. Keep your eyes on the stars, but remember to keep your feet on the ground.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Everybody has heard a few things about goal setting and how to achieve set goals. I wouldn’t be far from correct if I said that half of the Library of Congress could be filled by all the books written for goal setting and achievement.

As human as we can be, there is this urge to keep your goals to yourself. It’s a norm to keep a sealed lip to others regarding your set goals. Nobody wants to be monitored or placed under unnecessary pressure of accomplishing a goal that they’ve set for themselves. Moreover, there are tons of advice from experts asking goal setters to keep their goals personal and keep a closed-lip to open discussions concerning their goals. Richard Templar, the bestselling author of “The Rules of Life”, emphasised the importance of maintaining a sealed lip to your dreams and goals. Robert Greene, in his “48 Laws of Power”, emphasised the power of concealing your intentions. In a nutshell, these highly respected and highly read authors have asked you to keep a tight lip about your goals. This advice, albeit useful in several contexts, have failed to acknowledge human’s urge to remain consistent — presumably. The relevance of this consistency urge in achieving set goals has been ignored.

Why you should discuss your goals

Robert Beno Cialdini, in his research report: “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”, observed a staggering tendency for people to accomplish a goal that they have shown to people. This, according to him, is because humans feel an urge to be perceived as being consistent.

You are as human as you can be, and there is little you can do to change that. Although Cialdini’s work opened our senses to practices of influence, we could play those practices to help us accomplish our goals and become better humans.

Let me break it down…

As an observer, the chances that an observed individual can accomplish a task within a stipulated time is higher when that person discuss that goal with another person. Chances of achieving that task are significantly lower if he keeps it to himself because he finds no reason to convince himself that he’s consistent. As humans, we all find it reasonable to make people not only think, but also believe that we are consistent people. Now, take yourself out of the observer mode and be the one setting goals and feeling a need to be consistent in the face of others. You will find more excellent reasons to work towards your goal.

I recall reading a story somewhere. I’ve spent about an hour — as I write — trying to find the source of the story to verify but it appears to be taking too long so, I’m just going to let it out unverified. Perhaps, you are familiar with the story and will be glad to share a known source in the discussion section below this article.

William Henry Gates III — the one we all know as Bill Gates — while he was still trying to get afloat with life, mentioned that he would be a multimillionaire at the age of 30. He might have made this statement to colleagues, friends, or some members of his clique back then and they probably doubted him. At age 31, he was the youngest billionaire in the world, a record he held until Mark Zuckerberg became the youngest billionaire in 2010.

How to discuss your goals healthily

When experts advised that you should keep your goals locked in on your chest, they are not foolish. They are trying to protect you because of the dangers associated with openly discussing your goals.

Your real goal is your vision. It’s personal, and you must have seen how it materialises in your mind, it gives you this indescribable chill. Your mind is made up, and you are not turning back. If your goal hasn’t gotten to this level, you probably shouldn’t discuss it with anyone. When you discuss your goals, you stand the risk of being discouraged, envied, or even presumed as a dreamer. And you know what Dolly Parton said in her song. “Don’t fall in love with a dreamer.”

The things that you must consider before discussing your goals are:

Is it a decided goal, or are you still trying to figure it out?

If you are still figuring it out, it’s better kept in your guts where you can choose to swallow it or spit it out when you decide.

Are you discussing it with the right people?

Discussing your goals with the wrong people can turn out wrong. After my first degree in Medical Biochemistry and Human Genetics, I resolved to pursue an M.B.B.S. The first notable person I discussed this goal with told me it was grandiose.

Grandiose…

That was the first time I heard that word, and since that day, it never left my mind.

Discussing your goal with the right people doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be receptive to criticism and honest feedback. What it means is that you must know who in your circle is constructive enough to let you know how they feel without being discouraging.

Your personality. Are you keen on proving people wrong or being swayed by their sentiments?

Sometimes, when you discuss your goals with people and it beyond their scope of imagination, you will likely hear comments like: “That’s ridiculous!”, “Com’ on, buddy. That’s not possible. Nobody has ever done that around here.”, or even comments like the usual “You must be a joker.”

It’s up to you to decide what is going to happen afterwards. Thus, before you consider discussing that goal, you need to understand whether you are ready to accept the challenges, or their disbelief would sway you. Some persons might want to prove them wrong while some might shimmer off and stick to what is possible in the face of their peers.

Not every goal should be discussed openly

Once you start talking about your goals, you may enjoy the attached urge to accomplish them. It’s a drive everyone enjoys, an extra push that comes from our subconscious mind. You may be tempted to discuss every goal that comes to mind.

Don’t do it.

There is a limit to what should be discussed with the public. Try not to bring your family affairs to public eyes. It is inappropriate to talk about your desires to satisfy your lady’s sexual urge using organic methods or otherwise. Nobody needs to know that your lady rides like a horse, but you run like a cat. Cut it!

Focus your discussion on goals that matter. Goals that the public should know about and not some “under the skin” decisions.

Avoid Details. Don’t talk too much. It’s not safe

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” — Proverbs 10:19

All that is needed to be discussed is the main goal. The details of how you intend to accomplish these goals are not necessary. You must remember the purpose of discussing this goal — to awaken the subconscious urge of being seen as a consistent person. Just achieve this goal of awakening that inner drive and leave the details to yourself for more reasons than one.

Some persons might be so moved by the size of your dreams or goals that they would ask you how you wish to accomplish them. It’s up to you to disclose details but remain impeccable with your words. I have no facts to back this up, but it’s an advice that I’ve always held close to my heart.