Magical Thinking: Torment
By: Jessie Staffler
Tags: Card Game, Game Design, Magic The Gathering, Board Games, Gaming

Magical Thinking: Torment

Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look at the art and cards of Magic: the Gathering, set by set from the beginning, through the eyes of a casual fan. Today we take a look at the second expansion of the Odyssey block: Torment.

Released in February of 2002, Torment follows the story of Chainer, a Dementia summoner of the Cabal and friend to Kamahl, the hero from the last expansion. Meanwhile the Merfolk wizard Laquatus schemes to gain control of the Merfolk empire himself. So let’s see the rise and fall of one of Magic’s first Black Mana aligned heroes.

When you’re on the road and you don’t have access to a shower, you need to make due with whatever you have on hand to get clean with. Any port in a storm as they say.

Hypochondria is defined as a condition where a person is excessively and unduly worried about having a serious illness. Which translates in this set as wearing a creepy mask I guess. I mean it’s a strange thing to have for a White card, but considering White is the color of Leprosy, maybe she’s right to be worried (and no, I will never let that go. Not ever).

Yep, some days you just gotta take a look at all the stuff you need to deal with, say out loud “Not today, Satan”, and walk away. Considering this is the set where Black gets a major power boost, that may be a good idea.

Hey, more Threshold cards! And once again with the flavor of “once you get enough corpses on the pile this guy becomes a monster.” I wonder if this is a side effect of the Mirari.

I love enchantments that change the rules of the game, and basically reset your life total if you play it at the right time. Combined with other cards this could create a lock that prevents you from losing.

Bruce Campbell, Lord of the Deep. I do wonder why he isn’t a cephalid like the rest of the empire though. Still, I knew a guy who ran this card in some Mill decks in college. And as a Mill player myself, I really wish I could play this card one day.

He did it. He finally saw why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. He has looked in the face of God, and told him he had some spinach stuck in his teeth.

The great thing about Cephalid Snitches is after they get found out in the Prison movie, we all get Calamari rings afterward. Also killing protection from Black is pretty specific. Still, as someone who had to concede against someone using Garruk’s Harbinger, I can get wanting to remove that stuff (Although that one had Hexproof from black).

“Broken” seems to be putting it mildly. Look at that guy. He’s got three mouths. I really hope that’s an actual creature that comes up later. I’ll keep an eye out for them.

I’m sorry but that’s just a Super Mario enemy. Just take an animal and stick bird wings on it. Boom. We need winged Jellyfish in a Mario game like right now.

Here’s a new mechanic from Torment: Madness. Basically whenever you discard this card, you can play it for its Madness cost. So usually it’s cheaper to play it through discarding than just straight playing it. This mechanic would be introduced in Time Spiral alongside Spellshapers and would become pretty powerful, but more on that later.

This Cephalid would go on to get a career as a pundit at Fox News.

Yeah, it seems like a good deal, but when you get your hospital bill you’ll wish she had left you dead. HA HA HA OH HEALTH CARE IN AMERICA IS TERRIBLE.

And here’s our hero, Chainer, striking a very uncomfortable looking pose and wielding a whip. He’s also ready to bring all your graveyard creatures back as Nightmares. I’ve always had a soft spot for Chainer, even before I found out he was one of Magic’s first Black mana protagonists.

And here we have one of the Nightmares, the new creature type of this set. Nightmares have a theme where they do a thing when you summon them, then undo that thing when they leave play. Like the Faceless Butcher here who is basically a banishing effect. Like a squirmy tentacle covered banishing light.

But why waste time on the small potatoes when you can have this big boy instead. Look at that monster. 8/8 flyer, and he deletes your opponent’s hand. Have an answer to stop them? Not anymore, hope you can topdeck an answer before it stomps you down. Of course 10 mana is a big investment, but a lot of Black decks will have a way to get him in for cheap, like Chainer for example. Remember, Chainer regularly creates and summons stuff like this, so he’s like the world’s most messed up Pokemon trainer. “Hypnox, I choose you!”

Of course Chainer is willing to supply other people with their own Nightmares, like our old pal Laquatus. Look at that beautiful boy. Not only is he super buff, he’s got a big ol’ smile. Also I’m pretty sure this was only ever played as a finisher when an opponent had 6 life or less left. Again though, with the right combo this can just be a free 6 damage with no drawback.

So the Patriarch is Shang Tsung. That makes a lot of sense. Also I love the idea of winning the game with a pile of corpses. I feel like this would be the best Golgari card ever.

I’m with you buddy, if I woke up with that Creepypasta-looking guy standing over me I’d probably start screaming too. What exactly is he a zombie of anyway? Not many huge headed lamprey-mouthed humans running around, are there? Although this is Dominaria, people can look pretty weird here.

Hey, it’s our old pal Sengir Vampire. Haven’t seen you since Alpha. And he’s got new art which shows off his full body. Plus he’s got a full head of hair now (never even noticed that before). Could probably stand to trim the nails a bit though. Just a thought.

I should mention Chainer did eventually become a bad guy, but that’s because he fell under the sway of the Mirari, so I’m willing to give him a mulligan on the mass of bees in a person suit. Also I like the flavor here that when you break it open the bees come out and sting whoever killed it. It’s like the worst Pinata ever.

Oh Braids, you’re always a cut-up. I really should track down the Odyssey books and read them at some point.

Once again, always love to see Dwarves in Magic. I feel they are underrepresented in Magic compared to Goblins. So thank you for this Dwarven legendary. Also he later became a Barbarian so they had to change his text so he couldn’t buff himself with his powers.

You know what they say, speak softly, and carry a stick THAT YOU CAN SEE FROM FREAKING SPACE. At least wear gloves when handling that thing man.

With a name like Flash of Defiance I think of the scene from Braveheart where William Wallace and his army flash the English army. They probably couldn’t depict that on a card, but I bet that’s what they had in mind.

Okay, where are these barbarians getting all of these wonderful toys? First the glowing club, now the glowing spear. Who is giving these half-naked beefcakes these golden magical weapons? Is there a sale? Did Karn open up a store? I need answers!

Hey, looks like Red gets a Nightmare as well. Good for them. I guess they couldn’t justify giving land removal to Black this set.

Okay, the other possessed cards in this set have been creepy, but this one is just goofy. Apparently this Barbarian was possessed by a Scooby Doo villain judging by that face. Also, how long until we can use demons again? Because why are horrors possessing people?

Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Sonic Seizure: Because we decided Lightning Bolt is too expensive on its own.

Those are some very angry looking squirrels. Hey guys, you want some nuts? I got cashews, I got almonds I got OHGODNO.

I like this guy. He’s just a happy little lizard. It’s okay to discard him, he’ll come out anyway thanks to Madness.

If there’s one thing Green does well, it’s big monsters that have weird names and aren’t actually anything. Seriously, this feels like something a five year old would make up in art class (Not that I’m complaining). Once again this feels like an awesome Golgari card, since it can take advantage of having a huge graveyard. Also it makes your deck semi mill proof (although exiling cards is still an issue).

I just really like the Nantuko.

And here’s another good Golgari card. Just dump your hand for cards in your graveyard. I love it.

You know, considering Chainer found the Mirari for the Cabal, and it’s been in their possession for this long, maybe its not entirely Karn’s fault this thing went buggy. Also who painted the Mirari black? That’s gonna mess with the reception.

And that brings us to the end of our torment. A pretty fun set I must say. That Chainer sure is a character, isn’t he? Anyway, tune in next time as we bring an end to the Odyssey block and the first leg of the Mirari saga with the set Judgement. Until then stay Magical.