I’m Not Really a Control Freak
By: S. J. Gordon
Tags: Self-awareness, Life Lessons, Personal Development, Life, Self

According to Psychology Today, I’m not actually a control freak. Yay me! They list seven traits that are hallmarks of someone with controlling issues.

After reviewing the traits, I think I can honestly say that I’m a pretty good team player, I don’t try to force people to change in order to fit into my plans, I am fortunate to have some very meaningful relationships, and I am not lacking in compassion (and I make a conscious effort to find compassion if I’m not immediately feeling it — I’m no saint, but I do try.).

You’ll notice, I’ve only mentioned four traits here.

I may not be a control freak, but I suppose I must admit to some issues with control. With regards to the other three traits mentioned by the magazine, I admit to showing signs of each.

I do tend to place the responsibility for most of my success or failure squarely on my own shoulders. However, I’m not prepared to call this a fault.

Good and ill fortune do seem to crop up, regardless of what plans one makes. Still, I wouldn’t like to find myself at the mercy of the movements or whims of the rest of the world.

I think speaking of such a desire as a fault is disingenuous. Either I am in charge of my own destiny or I am not.

I believe I am and so, I make no apology for this particular trait.

The next characteristic is so closely related to the last, it’s hard to discuss it separately. Apparently, control freaks spend a great deal of time trying to prevent bad things from happening.

Um, duh. I don’t even feel this one deserves discussion.

The third issue they bring up is the only one I am prepared to admit as a fault. The disinclination to delegate can be a fault, indeed, and I admit to having a problem with this.

I’m learning, but it’s still an issue. I admit that I often prefer to do things myself rather than allow someone else to take charge.

I will also admit that, some of the time, it is because I fear not doing it myself will yield poor results. I am fully aware of how obnoxious that thinking is and I’m not proud of it.

Self-awareness is the first step to improvement, right?

Some of the time, I find it is just plain easier to do whatever it is myself. It might be a time-sensitive situation and explanations and instructions slow me down.

However, I think the big reason I tend to do things myself is to avoid feeling guilty about leaving some task to someone else.

If it is my responsibility to see the task is completed, I don’t like to feel as if I’ve shirked and I don’t want anyone else to feel they have to bail me out.

Is this logical? Well, it is, and it is not. I don’t think there is anything wrong in having a sense of responsibility. Of course, that can be carried too far and can turn into a very tiresome martyr complex. I hope I have enough of the aforementioned desirable self-awareness to avoid that.

Control Issues vs Control Freak

Is there a level of need for control that can be considered acceptable or even laudable?

Obviously, I’m going to say, yes, there is a difference.

While I do desire a certain amount of control over most (alright, all) aspects of my life, I don’t think I am unable to restrain my impulses.

I don’t follow along behind my family, redoing tasks they have already completed in order to ensure they have been done my way (although I do reload the dishwasher but that is so I can fit more dishes into the machine which is just more efficient and reduces energy and water waste — so, there).

I don’t scream at people for organizing something differently from whatever way I might choose. I don’t micromanage people, either.

I may prefer more control than the average person, but I don’t think that’s being a control freak. In fact, rather than this being negative, I believe my desire for more control has often been an advantage to me.

When I graduated from college with my B. S. in Biology, I had already worked as a zookeeper both as an intern — a position I created and convinced both the university and the zoo to allow — and as a part-time employee. I had also worked as an instructor for zoo camps.

This less common skill and experience set opened up a variety of opportunities for me, including a position at the local science museum.

During my interview, my future employer observed I was certainly a self-starter.

She was right. I was and am just that. I consider that a much better way to view my personality. I wouldn’t have been as successful if I didn’t have a desire for control over my life.

The self-employment aspect of my writing is another example of turning my preference for control into a positive affair. My success or lack thereof is, almost entirely, in my own hands. This has a lot of appeal for me.

So, I will freely acknowledge the need for control in my personality. I put forth considerable effort to avoid the less savory aspects of control and, what remains is, I really believe, more of a benefit than a detriment.

In fact, I don’t consider myself a freak, at all.

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