That One Christmas When I Lost $500 to Mom Brain
By: Shannon Ashley
Tags: Crime, Life, Money, Holidays, Parenting

When people talk about “mom brain,” I can’t help but chime in that it’s a legit thing. It took me a very long time to adjust to motherhood, and in the beginning, I was what anyone would call “a real hot mess.”

I once sat down on a bus bench at the Mall of America, only to have my phone lifted when I got up and walked over to the trash can two feet away. I was so preoccupied with feeding my daughter, that I hadn’t realized I left my phone on the bench. And it only took seconds for someone to pounce.

It was a costly mistake to put it lightly, since I’ve got a habit of never insuring my cell phones. And it wasn't the last time my mom brain kicked me in the teeth.

Tis the season for… for pickpocketing.

I have a hard time not associating the Christmas season with higher crime rates. Growing up poor in Saint Paul and Minneapolis, I witnessed a lot of robberies, especially in the winter months.

There was one time on a bus, when a man came up behind a passenger who was just getting his fare into the machine and then grabbed the wallet from the passenger’s back pocket.

The whole bus gasped and looked dumbfounded as the thief ran away. Folks made the typical comments amongst themselves that you’re not supposed to have your wallet in a pocket that could be easily lifted.

I was about 6 at the time and I thought a lot about that man who was robbed. I wondered a lot about how it impacted his holiday.

There were plenty of other times, too. I saw robberies in cash advance shops, Targets, parking lots… nowhere really felt safe in the winter when you knew that plenty of folks were desperate for Christmas money.

By adulthood, however, it all felt normal. By then, you knew how to protect yourself to avoid a problem, or so it seemed.

All I wanted for Christmas was a little peace of mind.

As my daughter’s second Christmas approached, we lived in a suburb of Minneapolis, Brooklyn Park. Suburbs in the Twin Cities are mostly mere extensions of their respective city and often not as idyllic as most folks think when they hear the word “suburb.”

Many people racistly referred to the city as “Brooklyn Dark,” and claimed that people of color had made Brooklyn Park unsafe. It was ridiculous, of course, and I enjoyed our time living there. I never felt unsafe in Brooklyn Park and I only had one truly negative experience.

In early December of 2016, I walked my daughter in her stroller about a mile down the road to do some shopping.

On that shopping trip, I brought every bit of cash I had with a list of holiday items. I’d been slowly getting back on my feet after my pregnancy left me homeless, and I was determined to make that Christmas a good one for my mom and child.

My “mom brain” was in full swing as I felt the anxiety and overwhelm of keeping my baby happy while I went down my list. In those days, I felt like I could only halfway function whenever I took my kid out in public.

As a new and single mom, I was learning everything on the fly. I worried a lot about how to handle the usual stuff, like a crying child in the middle of a public place. I worried about being in the way.

That day while shopping for the Christmas season was no different. I was a frazzled mess. At one point, I went hunting for coupons, and left my money in my clear coupon organizer sticking out of my diaper bag which was hooked onto to the shopping cart (so the diaper bag couldn’t be stolen.)

Of course, with my money basically hanging out on top of the diaper bag, it was easy prey, and as I inspected canned carrots, a teenage boy briskly moved past my shopping cart, snatched the envelope with all of my money, and ran away.

$500 was gone in a flash.

It’s ironic how some of the most devastating moments can happen so quickly, but with such little fanfare.

In such a large store, the boy ran, and there wasn’t much to be done. I paid for the few things I could with my bank card that was in another pocket, and walked my daughter home.

That wasn’t even the end of my run-ins with the dark side of mom brain.

Just weeks before I planned to fly down to Tennessee with my toddler for our last cross-country move, I ran some errands for my mother. After leaving Walgreens, I wheeled my daughter in her stroller over to a Thai restaurant for lunch.

I ordered our food, and they brought out the appetizer. When I looked in my purse to grab my hand sanitizer, I realized my wallet was missing. Every ID, every bit of cash, and my bank card was gone. I searched the stroller and found nothing.

After apologizing profusely to the waitress, I walked us back to Walgreen’s, figuring I must have dropped my wallet or left it at the cash register. But no employee had found it. They filed a police report, however, and a detective called me within an hour because someone used my card to buy a carton of cigarettes right there in the same store.

The police arrested the guy, but he didn’t have my wallet on him--just my cash and bank card. He refused to tell them where he dumped my wallet so I could get my ID back, and by the time a detective went searching through the local waste bins, the trash had already been picked up.

Incredibly, I got a call a few days later from a nurse to a man who lived in the area and had a habit of going through the trash for aluminum cans and whatnot. He found my wallet, and my phone number happened to be in there on an immunization record for my daughter.

Phew! I got my ID back just in time to fly.

I’m not naturally so scatterbrained.

It might be hard to believe, but my absentminded nature only became a thing once I became a mom. People make jokes about mom brain, but they often don’t talk about the realities of it.

Anxiety, depression, and absent mindedness can easily turn moms into targets for crime, and that’s not our fault.

It’s just life.

My daughter will be six years old in April. Over the years, I’ve learned how to live with mom brain and quit experiencing huge losses just because I frantically need to set down my personal belongings.

A few things have helped me cope better, and they might help you too.

1. Slow down. (No, really.)

The number one way I’ve found to fight mom brain is to simply take my time. I set my alarm clock early to give myself extra moments to make sure I have everything I need.

I don’t let myself go on autopilot, at least, not in public anymore.

2. Quit worrying about pissing people off. (Or at least, try.)

A big thing that had me feeling rushed in public was the fear that I was bothering other people around me. I hated feeling like I was too slow and causing a problem for people behind me in the checkout lane.

But, I had to acknowledge that feeling rushed and frazzled did me more harm than good. Once I accepted that, I decided to quit worrying about anything other people thought.

Let them think you’re slow. Let them sigh behind you when you’re taking out those coupons. Don’t let other people needlessly rush you.

3. Offer help to another floundering soul.

As a single mom, I do often feel like other people see me as something of an “easy target.” There’s nobody to help me manage any of my tasks at home or in public, and every child on earth is a handful at some point.

Realizing how hard I have it at some points has helped me realize how easy it is to lend a helping hand to someone else in familiar shoes.

You can offer to help load groceries onto the conveyor belt, or even help carry the load to their car. Just being the patient person behind them who’s not throwing a fit when they pull out their WIC vouchers can make a huge difference.

Let them know that it’s okay, that they’re okay, and they are not alone.

There’s hope for mom brain.

Just like there’s hope for anxiety and postpartum depression. It definitely gets better, but you’ve got to give yourself plenty of breathing room to get accustomed to your new role.

The world won’t always give you the time you need, however, which means you’ve often got to demand it. And while you’re at it, help make space for other struggling families too.

I’m a few years out from the Christmas where mom brain cost me $500 and blew up all my plans. A few years out from sleeping on couches or crashing with strangers.

Mom brain and tough times are terrible, but thankfully, they do get better.

This Christmas, give yourself the gift of more peace of mind.