Teach
By: Matthew Donnellon
Tags: Humor, Life, Education, Fiction, Short Story

The alarm clock was blaring.

It took everything I had not to toss it against the wall.

You know when you were a kid and you hated the first day of school? Well, it never goes away.

I stumbled through the kitchen half dressed trying to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I dumped some coffee into the travel mug, though I haven’t been able to find the lid for the last two days.

Things didn’t get any better as I checked my watch and realized I was behind schedule. I dashed out, tossing my bag in the car and backing out of the driveway only then remembering that I’d set my coffee cup on the roof.

I silently cursed myself watching the brown liquid dribble over the windshield.

Turned out that was the best part of the day.

You see when a you’re a kid the first day of school there’s at least a bit of excitement. A new year. Some new people.

When you’re a teacher though it’s just a repeat of the year before. The same thing over and over until one day they give you a gift certificate and small party in the faculty lounge and send you on your way.

Yeah when you’re a teacher it’s a just a fight not to end the year dangling from the ceiling.

Things didn’t get better as I approached the building. I swear the kids get louder every year. And smaller somehow?

If you knew where to look you could see on everyone’s faces. Yes the new teachers too dumb to know what they got into would be chipper but the vets. Man all the signs were there.

The faked smiles.

The thousand yard stares.

This was our Vietnam and we were never getting out.

I’m pretty sure I caught Mr. McCafferty pouring a flask into his coffee cup.

There was a bright spot though.

My friend Kamal taught in the room next to me.

I posted up near the door like we were supposed to before classes started.

“Welcome back,” I said.

“You know every June I remember why I became a teacher and every September I curse myself.”

“How was the vacation?”

“Glorious. Two weeks in the Bahamas.”

“How’d you swing that?”

“Groupon,” he laughed, “So the countdown begins.”

“What countdown?”

He showed me an app on his phone that counted down till the last day of school.

“Didn’t you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“They’re thinking about going to a twelve month schedule.”

“As…as in no summer?”

“Yep.”

“Isn’t that unconstitutional?”

“You should know.”

“You vastly over estimate how much I care about my job.”

Just then the hall parted and got incredibly quiet. It was like being in the forest when a predator was in the area. It could only mean one thing.

“Gentlemen,” the principal said.

“Mr. Lawson,” we both repeated back.The man had bearing of a 4 star general and jaw like a slab of granite.

“Is he still mad at you?” Kamal asked as Lawson went by.

“What do you think?”

3 Months Prior

“You want me to give the faculty address at graduation? Was the janitor busy?” I asked sitting in the Principal’s office. I never should have answered the email asking me to come in for a meeting.

“Why not?” Nina Warren the Vice Principal said, “You’re popular with the students.”

I sat there for a second, “Everyone else said no didn’t they?”

“Yes,” Lawson said.

“Do I get paid extra for this?”

“You get the opportunity to address the students, and inspire-”

I rolled my eyes.

“No. No money,” Lawson said.

“Can I get Stacey to cover the freshmen trip over the Summer?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Sold.”

“Here’s your speech,” Nina said.

“I don’t get to write my own. You know I’m an English teacher.”

“We’re aware of that Will. That’s why we wrote the speech.”

And so I stood before everyone on the big day. This was it. The big speech. For some reason they thought I could handle this. It was simple. Say a few words. Inspire some kids. Quote some old white guys, and shake a few hands. It should have been so simple.

“Ladies and Gentlemen…” I said trying to clear my throat.

I looked down at the cards in front of me.

“Today I’m supposed to give the faculty address. The speech that is usually meant to be our final farewell to you all, the last chance to teach you something. The last chance to give one last inspiration. I’m supposed to say you can do anything, and that all of you have bright futures and that these hallowed halls have sprung forth 214 individuals ready to begin life at the institution of their choosing, and that whatever your dreams are, they will most certainly come true. But…”

I folded the notecards and put them in my pocket.

“That’s just not true.”

And that’s when it all went to Hell.

“The truth is that come of you will indeed succeed. Some, will fail, lot actually I’ve seen your grades. Most of you are, and will be, average. Most of you will go to school, half wanting to be doctors, half wanting to be lawyers, but it’s hard, and you’ll quit. You will be something easy and safe. You will put on a suit, and talk to Bill from accounting and you’ll compare the routes you take to work. Heck you some of you will wind up selling fake diet pills on Instagram…”

There was more but you couldn’t hear it over the boo’s.

Present Day

“I can’t believe I said all that.”

“Well you did. It’s on Youtube I’ve watched it a hundred times.”

“Oh god.”

“I can’t believe you got out of there alive.”

“I can’t believe they didn’t fire me.”

“I’m sure they are waiting for their chance.”

“What does a failed writer do when he can’t teach?” I asked.

“Sell weed. You should have been a chemistry teacher at least you could make drugs.”

“Do they really do that?”

“Have you seen Sullivan dude’s a tweaker.”

“Maybe I could go back to school. Teach college.”

“You failed at teaching high school. You think you’re going to get called up to the big leagues? You’re better off teaching gym.”

“I think I’d rather sell weed.”

“That would be great. My dealer just graduated.”

And so the day began.

I started the first class by writing my name on the whiteboard and turning around to see a group of students who already looked bored. I held up a copy of A Farewell To Arms.

“I assume that none of you did the required summer reading, so have this read by the end of the week and we’ll call it square. So you can do whatever you want until then.”

I sat at my desk and tried to not let the students see me playing on my phone.

“Just a show of hands, how many people actually read the book?”

A couple kids raised their hands.

“Okay, let’s see. You. What’s your name?”

“Kyle.”

“Did you read the book Kyle?’

He slowly lowered his hand.

“That’s what I thought. How about you?”

Another student started spouting off a summary.

“I read the Sparknotes too. Did anyone actually read the book?”

Just then I noticed a sleeping student.

“Will someone wake up sleeping beauty back there.”

The kid woke up, forgetting where he was.

“Name?”

“Owen.”

“What do you have to say about the book?’

“Ummm….”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I like the part where he compares leading soldiers to being a department store manager selling vacuums. I thought it was a little messed up.”

I smiled. Well I guess there’s hope yet. I went back to playing on my phone, so did most of the students.

Later that day I was talking to Kamal.

“Someone actually did the summer reading?”

“Yeah he had insights and everything.”

“Just when you lost faith. I had a kid today that didn’t know there was a World War 1.”

“How could there be a two without being a one?”

“That’s what I said.”

“What did he say?”

“He said well Star Wars Episode 4 came out first. None of them knew when it was either. Someone guessed the 80's.”

We laughed, but then I asked, “Do you know when WW1 was?”

“No man that’s what the book is for.”

Just then we heard some students and a cloud of water vapor preceding them. They didn’t see us as they rounded the corner.

“Come on guys you know those are banned,” Kamal said holding out his hand. The student handed him the vape pen.

“Now get lost. I don’t want to have to do paper work,”

After they left Kamal looked at me, “Teacher’s lounge?”

“Teacher’s lounge.”

As we sat there Molly walked into the lounge. Molly was a science teacher and far better at her job than I was.

“Are you guys…?”

“Care to join?” I asked.

“Yes please.”

She puffed on the vape pen.

“God I needed this,” she said.

“Rough day?”

“Ugh.”

“Did you match with another student on Tinder again?” Kamal asked.

“That was one time and it was an accident. He wasn’t wearing his glasses. I didn’t recognize him.”

We both chuckled.

“I swear they get dumber every year. And I already have parents hounding me.”

She then realized that Mr. McCafferty was in the room. Physically at least.

“Should we be doing this with Richard here?”

“Please,” Kamal said, “he drinks so much he doesn’t realize he could have retired two years ago.”

“You already have parents hounding?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“That never happens to me.”

Molly laughed, “That’s because no one cares how their kid is doing in English. Their English grade doesn’t keep them from being a doctor.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this,” I said.

“You’re lucky to be back this year,” Molly said.

“I know Lawson is torturing me. I should have left.”

“And done what?” Kamal asked.

“Write a book.”

“You’d starve. Will you’re a teacher now. Do you know what that means?”

“What?” Molly asked.

“It means you gave up. When you were a freshman in college you wanted to be a writer but you gave up. It’s okay we all did. You failed at writing. Richard failed at whatever Richard teaches. Molly wanted to be a doctor no matter how many times she tells you this is her dream job.”

“Hey!”

“You know it’s true. My dad still asks me if I’ve applied to law school yet-”

He stopped when the door opened. Rebecca, a brand new teacher walked in.

“First day?” I asked.

“Yep,” she said taking a sip of coffee.

“What department?” Kamal asked.

“Math.”

“Oh you’re one of those.”

“What?”

“Never mind him,” I said.

“Any advice?” she asked while pouring a cup of coffee.

“Relax,” Kamal said, “Being a teacher is like being a shepherd but with dumber sheep. As long as the same number of kids leave your room as came in you’re fine. Also, this is the first day back from summer. You don’t have to teach anything for at least a week.”

“Okay thank you. I really should be prepping for my next class,” she said leaving.

“Well if you need any help,” I said.

“You don’t want any part of that,” Kamal said as the door closed.

“Why?”

“She’s a math teacher. Anyone who likes math enough to teach it is crazy.”

“Besides,” Molly said, “she’s dating a doctor.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah quote Shakespeare all you want you’re not competing with that.”

Finally the school day was over and I was headed back to my classroom to get my things when the Vice Principal cornered me.

Oh no.

“Will Thompson. I need to speak with you.”

“I missed you too Nina.”

I had my back to my door and no where else to go.

“Look Lawson might not have canned you but I swear you make one wrong move this year and it’s over. And don’t think you can just flirt your way out of it like every other time you screw up.”

“Please Lawson never returns my flirting. He’s such a tease.”

“You’re impossible Will. You made us a laughingstock. It was all over the Internet. Screw up again I will bury you in the courtyard.”

“Well at least make sure I get my commemorative bench before you’re hauled off for second degree murder.”

She walked off in a huff.

“Jesus,” I said to no one in particular.

I entered the room and took a swig from a hidden bottle in my desk. I was gathering my things when I noticed I wasn’t alone.

The kid from earlier was there.

“You’re umm…”

“Owen.”

“Yeah the kid that read the book. I don’t know if they told you this in orientation but, after the last bell you’re allowed to go home. Why are you still here?”

“I guess these chairs are just so comfortable.”

“Did you see me drinking just now?’

“Yes.”

“Can we keep that between me and you?”

“Can I have an A?”

“Sure I don’t really grade anything anyway. But why are you here?”

“I umm…”

“Spit it out kid. I have papers to grade.”

“It’s the first day. There aren’t any papers.”

“Jesus kid that was code for go smoke weed at home.”

Just then I noticed his duffle bag as well as his back pack.

“Ahhh shit. You don’t have anyplace else to go?”

“No.”

“Tell you what give me a few minutes and I’ll make sure the teacher’s lounge is unlocked. There’s a couch in there.”

“Thanks.”

I went to leave and just as I was about to walk out the door, “Come with me.”

“Okay.”

“You’re really lucky you liked Hemingway kid.”

I took him to a nearby diner. I figured the kid was hungry if he was sleeping at the school.

“So you’re mom just left?’

“Yep.”

“That’s kind of a kick in the nuts. You don’t seem that sad about it.”

“Didn’t really like her that much.”

“You don’t have any friends you can stay with?’

“I just moved here.”

“How long have you been sleeping at the school?”

“About a week. I showered in the locker room.I was running out of clothes though.”

“Is that why you were falling asleep?”

“Those chairs really aren’t that comfortable.”

“I bet. Why’d you pick my room?”

“It was unlocked.”

“Listen if you want, you can stay with me. Until we figure out something. My couch sucks, but it’s better than school chairs.”

“Can you do that?”

“I don’t really know.”

“You’re not trying something funny.”

I gave him a confused look.

“I just heard there was a teacher on the dating apps.”

“Oh that’s a friend of mine. It was an accident. So the couch is yours if you want.”

“I guess I don’t really have a choice.”

“That’s a funny way of saying thank you. Let’s go. You got the check?”

“I’m homeless.”

“Not jobless.”

“I’m fifteen.”

“Relax. I’ll get it. You can pay me back.”

We made it back to my house. I helped Owen bring his stuff in.

“There’s the couch. It’s all pretty self explanatory. There’s the bathroom. The fridge is right there. It’s empty but it’s there.”

Owen picked up a copy of The Light of the Fire in the table, “You wrote a book.”

“Unfortunately yes.”

“That’s a dumb title.”

“Yes it is. I didn’t pick it though.”

“How many copies did it sell?”

“About 200.”

Owen laughed, “Can I read it?”

“You might be the first one.”

A minute later, Kamal came through the door, “Will? Will?”

“Who are you?” he asked when he saw Owen.

“Owen.”

“Who’s this?’ he asked me.

“Owen. He’s a kid in my class. He’s staying here.”

“It’s that legal?”

“I don’t know. Does it really matter?”

“It’s probably the least illegal thing you’ve done today.”

He looked at Owen, “You smoke weed?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go.”

Before going to the backyard Owen asked, “Is that the teacher that dated the student on accident?”

“No that’s Molly. You’ll meet her tomorrow.”

“Cool,” he said as we walked outside.