Why Empathy Matters. Learning to be a better human.
By: Brandon Ward
Tags: Problem Solving, Humanity, Empathy, Self Improvement, Self

I mess up a lot. I’m learning to be better. Working on being a fulfilled human is a long journey that many of us find ourselves on. I struggle with being judgemental and critical of both myself and others. Empathy has been a great tool to be a better human. Let’s dive into how you can apply this in your life.

Blame is easy to dish

I’m guilty of this every day, and it doesn’t help. It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming others when things don’t work out like we hope. Instead of doing the difficult work to understand the root of problems, its easier to point the finger, chalk it up as a loss, and move on.

The problem with this mindset is we never grow out of our limited ways of thinking to expand our experience in the world. When we blame, we are choosing the easy and quick path to relief. It makes us feel good and superior at the moment, but in the long run, we’ve made no changes to improve our circumstances.

Without action, we stay stuck in the same loop of unfulfillment. I’ve been here many times in my life, and I’m still working my way out. When we shift away from blame and into empathy, we can begin to understand the root causes of issues and work to find solutions.

Social media has made blame easier than ever

With a few taps of our finger, we can send scorn and blame all around the globe in an instant. “I’ll show this twitter user how stupid they are for saying such ignorant things!” Digital rant ensues…

This has turned into the modus operandi for many people in our society today, and it’s creating a massive divide in our world that can only be bridged by empathy.

No matter how tough a situation may be, judging and criticizing rarely fixes anything. It only compounds the problem even more and create a downward spiral of suckiness. I do this far too often with myself and my shortcomings. It’s a cruel and unfair thing to do to ourselves and others.

All of us are learning and figuring things out

I have to remind myself every day that I’m learning, and I don’t have all the answers, and that’s normal! Learning and growing is an enjoyable part of the process of maturing. It’s not a torture tool to be used against ourselves and others.

So why do we get upset when others don’t know things or make a mistake? Most of us are genuinely doing the best we can and want to do good in the world, but we simply don’t know HOW.

Empathy allows us to tap into this important reminder that each of us is learning and doing the best we can. All of us need help in some way and are looking for guidance when we struggle. It’s not because we’re lazy or stupid or incapable. We haven’t been taught the fundamentals of learning and problem-solving.

The struggle is a sign we need help.

Struggling is an indicator we need some help

Far too often, I see people who aren’t living up to society’s standards of success get destroyed from a distance with people slinging arrows and stones. I’ve been this guy too many times, and every time I feel like a jerk and no better off for it.

A perfect example is the homeless challenges the US faces, particularly in a state like California, where I reside. It’s so easy to judge and ridicule the homeless for how they live and how pathetic their lives are.

It’s far more challenging to understand their position, consider them as human with a lifetime of events and experiences, and empathize with their situation and how they arrived at the moment they find themselves. Most homeless individuals will tell you they’re not there by choice. If you spend any time with this community, you will see these individuals have real issues they battle with every day.

Blaming them for their poor life choices is easy. Understanding the abuse they experienced that left them barely able to manage their day to day life is much more difficult.

You see the pattern here?

We can apply this to any problematic situation our society faces. Now, social media amplifies problems and shoves the inequity of the world in our face. It makes it easy to see how we can slide into these habits of blame and judgment to distance ourselves from the pain we feel knowing there are people in the world who struggle and need help.

It forces us to tune out the challenges we face and ignore the possibility of solutions. It’s a shortcut to relief we all seek living in a world that is hyper-connected and becoming more transparent every day.

How to use empathy and find solutions

Blame and judgment is the enemy of solutions. Empathy is the bridge to cross the chasm between problem and solution. By deploying empathy, we can come from a place of understanding and begin to build solutions that address the root of issues.

Going back to the homeless discussion, if we deployed empathy to understand the roots, we could start to see there are huge holes in our societal safety net. We can know that people aren’t wicked or lazy; they’re lost and broken. We’re all lost and broken!

We can begin to build infrastructure and support systems that address the root issues of being a broken human. It’s often rooted in some kind of trauma growing up and has never been adequately addressed. We underestimate the amount of abuse that happens in our society, particularly with children.

Understanding this fundamental truth gives us the power to take risks and think about how we can build programs to educate, empower, and heal our fellow humans. Without empathy, none of this is possible.

A new path forward

We’re living in unprecedented times. There’s more negativity in our face than ever before, but the opportunities far outweigh the negatives. With all these challenges come the chance to overcome the struggles and create solutions. Finding solutions is leveraging our creative nature to build things of meaning in the world.

The problems we face are the stage with which we can stand and shine. It’s a chance to think deeply and find fulfillment in our work. These problems are genuinely what make life worth living. Otherwise, we’d all be bored and left wanting more from life.

Seize this moment and use empathy as your guiding light.