Guilty Pleasures
Tags: Blog, Writing Prompts, Christmas Movies, December, Guilty Pleasure

For some, Christmas music is an obsession. But, really, local radio station, did you have to start playing holiday tunes 24/7 on the first of November? And, can you please leave Mama Got Run Over by a Reindeer off the playlist?

Holiday decorating is definitely an obsession for some, including a few houses in my neighborhood that glow so brightly they can be seen from space.

But, my Guilty Pleasure is none of those. It’s . . .

Really sappy Christmas movies.

It’s out there now — I can’t take it back. I love maudlin, mushy holiday movies!

Christmas is mostly a non-event in our home since the grandkids moved far away. That 6.5 ft Christmas tree takes too much effort and consumes too much space if there aren’t little ones around to appreciate it. Decorating? I might put out a wreath or I might not — probably, not.

My shopping is done online, even before the Trump Pandemic. Ben and I don’t typically give presents to one another because we consider each day we spend together to be a gift that can’t be surpassed.

I no longer bake since I’m allergic to wheat and Ben is diabetic. He’ll prepare a special holiday dinner and that’ll be it. Christmas, over and done.

Except for the soppy Christmas movies.

I’m not talking about the classics like It’s A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, or Miracle on 34th Street. I’m not even talking about the newer classics like A Christmas Story (Ben’s favorite), Home Alone (our grandchildren’s favorite), or The Family Stone (my favorite).

Nope, I’m talking Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. The ones that air 24/7 through November and December. The ones that are so formulaic, you know every one of the half-dozen storylines, and each ending is the same.

As a feminist, I should hate these movies. The lead female character almost always is a workaholic who never takes a vacation, has no personal life, rarely visits her mother/father/grandparents/sister/brother, and doesn’t have time for Christmas.

Her boss either insists she takes a long holiday break (I never had a boss like that!) or sends her on some assignment to a small Christmasy village where all the residents wait anxiously for the holiday season. Or, sometimes, the main character is guilted into visiting her mother/father/grandparent, etc.

The nostalgic town she visits is almost always in Vermont, New Hampshire, or Colorado. There is a town square Christmas tree lighting ceremony that everyone attends. Also, a Christmas festival and a town play/concert/parade. I watched one movie that takes place in New Mexico, and all the townspeople wore homemade Christmas ponchos while parading down Main Street — oh, there is always a festive Main Street. There are baking contests, cookie exchanges, Secret Santas, and cheery parties.

YouTube

The female lead starts off grumpy, impatient, and/or cynical. She wants to return to work, get the big promotion, or fly back to some impersonal metropolis where she doesn’t have to pretend to like Christmas.

Until . . . she meets The Guy.

The Guy always has a 5 o’clock stubble. (These small-town fellas don’t own razors?) He tends to wear plaid shirts or red sweaters and jeans. Probably, boots. He’s ruggedly handsome but sensitive and considerate. Sometimes, he has a son/daughter or niece/nephew, allowing him the opportunity to display his love of kids and family. He’s wise and often overcoming some struggles of his own, showing how vulnerable and human he is. He chops wood and bakes cookies.

The Guy shows The Girl what life should be. He convinces her that Christmas is real and that there is more to life than work. That his little hamlet, where everyone knows everyone else, is better than her big metropolis of Manhattan/Chicago/Boston/L.A.

But, it’s not that clear-cut. There has to be a conflict. She gets the coveted promotion and plans to return to the big city (that’s the most popular). He has an ex who appears. She has an ex who appears. He thinks she lied; she thinks he lied. They have a fight. She wants to leave but there’s a snowstorm and she can’t. Or, she leaves and comes back. Or, she leaves and he goes after her. Or, the son/daughter/niece/nephew begs her to stay and she does, of course.

Something happens to show The Girl the error of her ways.

No matter the conflict, all of these movies conclude with the same scene: The Guy and The Girl reunite and kiss, with the implication that The Girl will give up her dream job and big-city life for The Guy, a log cabin, and an apron.

Yep, I should hate these stories. But, I don’t.

Well, some are so truly horrible, I can’t finish or even begin. But, many are tolerable enough to feed my guilty pleasure. I especially like the ones where The Girl is a writer or reporter, and there is an unrealistically high number of those. Aren’t writing jobs on the decline? And, don’t they pay peanuts? Well, not in the Lifetime/Hallmark universe! These female wordsmiths live in gorgeous uptown apartments and dress like models before they meet The Guy and give up the glamorous job/apartment/life to bake cookies and knit Christmas sweaters.

Why do I love these?? I don’t know. Nostalgia for something that never was in my life? Or, maybe my mind is corrupted by the boy/girl folklore that we’re subjected to since birth. Perhaps, I simply like pretty people and shiny lights.

I must give Captain Argentina credit for sitting through these predictably preposterous movies with me, always presenting the perfect fake emotion for each scene: