The Things No One Warns You About
By: Jamie E Galbraith
Tags: Mental Health Awareness, Reproductive Rights, Opinion, Childfree, Pregnancy

When you think about having kids

When you think about having kids or becoming a parent, you experience one of three raw emotions:

Joyful Elation

That was me when I first learned that my husband and I were going to have a baby. We were not married at that time, but I will save our backward romance stories for later.

Neither of us had expected that children would be a possibility. My (now) husband had been married before. He and his first wife tried desperately to have kids. It never happened.

Meh…

I am sure that many people will not agree with me, but that reaction is smart.

I could detail how dogs, or even cats (I am a cat person), are a much better option than kids. But anyone who has kids is already very aware of that observation.

I LOVE my kids. I would not trade them for anything in the whole world.

BUT…

Dogs are cleaner.

Dogs are far less destructive.

Dogs LISTEN BETTER.

Dogs do not talk back.

Spine-numbing Fear

My best friend falls into this category. She has always refused to have kids, and I respect her more for that level of honesty.

I will fight for anyone’s right to opt-out of baby-making.

I wish that more people bothered to put in half the time and thought into the subject. My friend has a detailed knowledge of her family’s medical history. She has researched the related expenses for raising kids.

She is not even kid-phobic. My kids adore her and jump at the chance to spend time with her. She loves playing Auntie. She might say otherwise, but she is good with kids, and they genuinely seem to adore her playful personality.

Unfortunately, this brings me to my main issue…

Why in the world do we give people, like my friend, so much GRIEF for not having kids?

You bring this beautiful life into the world since the days of its parasitic stage have finally come to a close. You are so happy, or at least ideally, you would be.

But then, there are other things worthy of note, and some of these are things that NO ONE warns you might happen.

First of all, pregnancy is BRUTAL on your body. I have known women who had beautiful, white smiles that lose their teeth to pregnancy. Remember the parasite reference (it likely even pissed you off)?

IT is not a joke.

IT is technically an accurate analogy.

I could describe how the hormones can completely wreck your personality for up to two years after the child is born.

But everyone knows about the hormones.

Most people even know about the physical dangers.

Do you know the one thing that NO ONE seems to know or consider?

How about a woman’s mental health?

Do you know what Pre and Post Partum Psychosis is?

I do…

My husband has intimate experience in watching someone you love slip away.

Do you know what it is like to go from a functioning, self-aware adult (subjective) to an individual unaware that their reality has fractured?

Both of my pregnancies became a nightmare. That is why I had my tubes tied after our daughter was born. That is also why, in my early twenties, the doctors were willing to sign off for it.

After my kids were born, I became a ghost.

I functioned. Barely.

I cooked, I cleaned, I took care of my kids. I did not try to hurt anyone. I was never violent. But the inability to sleep because shadow people were trying to take your baby. And the fear of eating, since “they” poisoned your food. This sorry state is the kind of hell I would not even wish on my worst enemy.

By my daughter’s first Christmas, she was born in August, and I could not hold her. My arms, my whole body, was too weak to support her weight.

I will NEVER force that risk on ANYONE.

Children are a profoundly personal decision, even if most people struggle with that distinction. Why would you feel you have ANY right to expect someone to take that risk?

I know why.

And you will not like it.

Your empathy needs work.