Just let your son play with dolls.
By: Mr. Troy
Tags: Parenting, Kids, Teaching, Children, Parenting Advice

“But that’s for girls!” “Boys should play with trucks, not Barbies!” “Are you trying to turn my son gay?”

No, dolls are not just for girls. Yes, boys should play with trucks, but also Barbies. And, to this last question, no one turns gay; they are born that way, and I am just letting your child be who they are.

A decade of hearing this same rhetoric from parents really takes a toll on you emotionally. These same people are the ones who tell you their child is perfect. However, when they see their son pick up a doll in the classroom, then it becomes a serious issue. Suddenly, they fear their son will “become gay” because they decided to play with a Cabbage Patch Kid at daycare on some random rainy Tuesday in November.

Oh, the horror of a child playing with what they want! Oh no! Call the police, Margaret! Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels

I want to explore three actual incidents I have experienced while teaching children ages 2–13 of gender indifference within children and the familial reactions thereafter.

The Ballad of Timmy

The Ballad of Timmy is short and bitter, but repeated often. Timmy’s mom came into the classroom and saw Timmy pick up a doll to play with it. She immediately went over to him and took it out of his hands, telling him “That’s for girls. Go play with a car.”

Seriously, that’s my intro story to all of this. I’m not joking; this has been a frequent interruption. There are several kids I’ve taught who went through the same things Timmy has. Parents just come into the room, see their son with a doll, and they get mad and tell them to not play with things such as this.

Around the corner, there’s a parent just waiting to snatch that bear out of their son’s hands for fear he might become a bear caretaker.

The Ballad of Jimmy

Jimmy, as he will be known thusly, is a very kind and caring kid. He has a gentle heart and tries to do the best whenever possible. He’s playful, thoughtful, and genuinely was a joy to teach.

Jimmy really likes to wear a dress.

It was like this, but red and not at all like this, actually. Photo by Anne from Pexels

We had a large selection of various donated outfits for dress-up in my first daycare classroom. There were doctor’s outfits, construction gear, and several dresses. Of course, as they’ve been socially trained to do, the girls would typically go for the dresses and go on “dates” or shopping (I know, it’s extremely sexist, but this is actually what they would do.). There was one dress in particular, however, that sparked Jimmy’s interest: a red, sparkly dress with black heels.

When I was coming back to the classroom from my lunch break one day, Jimmy came up to me wearing that dress and, jokingly, said “Hey, Mr. Troy. Look at my pretty dress.” He smiled and was amused with himself, thinking it to be a joke. I simply replied with “That dress really does look good for you.” While Jimmy laughed this time, he didn’t after.

From this point on, whenever he would get into the dress-up clothes, he immediately went for that red, sparkly dress and those black heels. He added on a purse at times as well. The laughter from the initial reveal of his dress subsided— from himself and from his classmates — and you would regularly see Jimmy sitting in his red dress during a myriad of activities. His friends would set it aside for him or give it to him whenever they wanted to play dress-up. There were times he would even forget to put it away before going outside, and he would wear it on the playground as well. He was truly comfortable in this dress.

If I remember correctly, his mom came to pick him up at a time when he was wearing the dress. He showed his mom, and she told him how beautiful his dress is. With this cue, I told her how much he absolutely loves it, and she did not judge him once, at least within earshot of me. This is, honestly, the most positive interaction I’ve had with a parent whose child was considered more gender fluid.

The Ballad of Lemmy

Let’s call this final boy Lemmy, I guess. I did not get to know Lemmy for long, but from what I can remember, he was just a sweet, playful kid.

Kind of like this kid, but not at all. Photo by Pragyan Bezbaruah from Pexels

Lemmy makes this list because, on a day early into his time in my classroom, he made the “mistake” of playing with a doll in front of his mom, and he was pulled out of the center immediately. His mom complained to the administrator that I was letting her son play with dolls, and she didn’t want her son “to turn gay.”

He was in the kitchen playing with a doll by himself. This parent was so aghast with the idea that her child would play with a doll that she didn’t want him in the classroom, and report me to my boss.

Cut It Out

There’s some odd stigma attached to a child, specifically a boy, playing with toys outside of their parents’ gender normative ideologies. In the same breath used to curse me for letting their son play with a doll, they will encourage their daughter to play with cars. This double-standard applies heavily to children and changes their thoughts on what they are supposed to like and could even complicate thoughts later on in life when they realize they do not feel comfortable in their own skin.

Why should you let boys play with dolls? Well, could they possibly be a dad, caretaker, grandparent, uncle, role model, etc. for others later on? Michigan State University has a fantastic, quick article on the subject of letting children play with whatever they like. Letting boys play with dolls allows for them to build empathy for others. It helps tremendously with building compassion and understanding. Depriving — especially actively depriving such as Lemmy or Timmy’s moms — will cause boys to be incapable of positively expressing emotions.

Ma, you absolute drain, this wouldn’t have happened if you just let me get that Ken doll I’ve had my eye on since I was 4! Photo by mohamed Abdelgaffar from Pexels

Seriously, just let your son play with dolls.