My journey through the loss of parents and dealing with grief
By: Anne Payne
Tags: Greif, Kids Stories, Moms, Loss, Death

My journey through the loss of parents and dealing with grief

We all go through a lot in our life’s but I want to share mine, but before we get into that ill give you a background of my life. I was born and raised in a small town in Alabama that is now rapidly growing into one of the most popular places to move. I was raised by my beautiful mother Elizabeth and my Father who’s nickname was “Boo”, I also had and still have today a fraternal twin sister and we had a dog named “Dottie” who we lost a few months ago, who was a wonderful black lab who always got the attention and love of all my friends, family, and regular people on the street. Our family was happy, or so I thought. When I turned 3 or 4, I remember one night hearing a bunch of screaming, police sirens, and lots of talking. Later on that night, I saw a policeman look over my crib to make sure I was okay. Sure, I was scared but I didn’t Think much of it. Later on, my dad moved out. Things got messy and it wasn’t pretty. We only saw our dad a few times every month. One day I was at my grandparent’s house when we got a phone call that my father had passed away. Sad and not familiar with grief and loss, I didn’t know how to feel. I was told that “Daddy’s mind was messed up and something happened and he passed away”. Little did I know this was a lie. The truth was my father was bipolar, and his new girlfriends found him dead in the bathroom, he had shot himself. I was sad and had found out that that was the truth 2 years after I asked my grandparents what had happened when my mom was in rehab for alcoholism. Scared and starting to feel alone, I could only talk to my sister and even then we had our differences. When my mom got back from rehab, she was better. She could control herself and stayed away from alcohol. Later on, things started to feel normal again, until I found a vodka bottle in the trash. Not a small one but a big one. I thought to myself and crawled up on top of the fridge to a small cabinet that my mom had kept vodka and liquor in before rehab, and to my astonishment, there were near to 10 empty/ full vodka bottles she had been hiding. I was hurt and felt betrayed. I thought I should tell her that I knew, but all I could do was keep my mouth shut. My grandparents left for a trip to Greece on the 4th of July and we went to my mom’s friend’s lake house to enjoy the long weekend of swimming, tubing, boat riding, and partying. When we got there my mom seemed to seem sick. I didn’t think about it because of the blast I was having. The next morning I went to the room my mom was staying in and I couldn’t find her, although I thought she might’ve already woken up for a cup of coffee. When I went downstairs, I found nobody. I was scared and alone again. I tried calling my mom but nothing, I tried to call her friends but again, nothing. I called my grandparents as a last resort and to my relief, they picked up, I asked if they knew anything, and what I heard next pained me. She was in the hospital. I cried and cried and begged to see her until somebody brought me to her. Her skin a pale yellow. They released her a week later, as she said she felt better but a few days passed and she felt worse, to the point she had to go back to the hospital. We stayed at our grandparent’s house for many restless nights. My mom was in the hospital for 2 months. I visited her 4 times a week as she went into harsh treatment because her liver was failing. I remember our pastor coming to the hospital and praying over her with us. Later on that month in August, I was told that she was better and they were going to move her to a nursing home where it’s quieter and easier for her to recover. I believed every word they said, and even cried tears of joy. I would visit 2 times every week and talk with her. Our cousins came to our house and so did our pastor and his wife. They sat us down in the living room and had told us that she was getting worse and there was no hope and they had tried everything they could. We had the option to see her that day or the day after, but of course, we decided to go that day, saying our goodbyes while her friends, family, and daughters sat in her room watching over her. I remember she had gotten so bad she couldn’t even talk so when I said “I love you” to her I couldn’t get a response. Later that night around 3 AM I heard our landline ring, but again thought nothing of it and went back to bed. I woke up only to discover my mom had passed away. Sad, scared, and feeling so many emotions all I could do was break down. I remember her funeral like yesterday. we laid flowers on her coffin as they put her down in the ground. At only 10 years old, I had been through the death of both of my parents. It’s hard to manage. Some days are a struggle not having parents but it’s gotten easier as the years have gone by. Our grandparents take care of my sister and me and although it’s hard some days, we get through it one day at a time. I wanted to write This to make other people feel less alone. I felt alone, not knowing anyone my age that had lost their parents. So if you’re a kid out there or a young person out there and have lost your parents, this is for you. It gets better. It may not be easier but things will fall into place. I fell into a deep hole of depression after my mom passed and if you ever go through anything like that or feel alone, call the national Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1 — 800 — 662-HELP (4357). Asking for help isn’t a bad or wrong thing, and if you or a loved one is thinking about taking their life’s, call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 — 800 — 273-TALK (8255).