What my first term at university has taught me.
By: Florence Ball
Tags: University, Loneliness, Thoughts And Feelings, Covid 19, Embrace

What my first term at university has taught me.

University is blooming hard( I know shock horror!) It just isn’t what I expected, I am enjoying myself and to be honest I think starting University during COVID-19 had had its benefits. I don’t particularly drink alcohol, clubbing and partying isn’t particularly my scene — don’t get me wrong I would go to some house parties when I was in sixth form but it’s different. In sixth form I had known everybody for over 5 years, I would see them the next week and this gave me a safety belt. I didn’t have to worry about being drugged or being in a situation which made me feel uncomfortable, yet I knew that once I got to university that belt would vanish. There would be a hundred times more people all coming from different backgrounds, and that thought made me feel a little uncomfortable. My friends from sixth form were people I could rely on or talk to without judgement but university of course was going to be different.

Friends and loneliness

One thing I didn’t expect from university is how lonely it really is, granted this year is not a normal year by any means which makes it so much harder to find a new support system. My friends who I’ve known for years understand me and how I am generally, yet new people do not know me so I have to try and present myself as myself but without scaring them away. We all have habits and our own version of humour for example I am very sarcastic but with new people it is hard to get that across without seeming weird. Actually finding friends at university is something I’ve found really hard. How do you meet people when you can’t go to parties or restaurants? There are so many different aspects to this, I live with 6 other girls which annoyed me from the start because I requested mixed living (I know this can’t be helped but I get on so much better with guys and it changes who you see), they are all really lovely people but it is so hard to connect with them as most of them spend all their time in their rooms or on their phone and give single word answers to questions you try and start a conversation with. The people on my course are all really lovely but the actual education side of uni is mainly online and when I do see people in person it is whilst wearing masks and being 2 metres apart which makes conversation difficult. The weather has been vile recently which makes going on a walk unappealing and all of the restaurants are closed so you can’t go and have a coffee. It really is a lose lose situation there. Many people still party, but personally I don’t want to risk COVID or a fine which cuts out that prospect. All in all it does get quite lonely but I am glad to have so much work which keeps me occupied. Work and Working

I always have uni work that I can be doing, it’s in the nature of my course but it is hard to find that balance of not wasting your time and not burning yourself out. Working on the other hand is again virtually impossible, how am I supposed to fund myself if I can’t get a job. Recently I have been playing with the idea of setting up my own business doing what I have no idea but it might be worth a start to get a bit of money behind me. Independent living

Living independently has its benefits, I love being able to cook for myself and not have my parents or sister nagging at me although I live with six other girls however, I still feel like I am living alone most of the time. There are times where it gets annoying living alone such as having to go food shopping but I have learnt that finding joy in the little things can go a long way in my personal happiness. Now I find going shopping quite therapeutic but again with COVID it has become more stressful than ever. One of my current stresses is accomodation for next year, I don’t have anyone to live with and for some reason I am scared to put myself into the boxing ring so to say. A new dynamic

Online learning isn’t that bad you can control your heat and you can sit and drink all of my online lectures are live and we have to have our cameras on which gives me a lot more motivation (although a lot of people grumble). It is a new experience and I am trying to embrace it for what it is worth even though it is hard at times and I often have no idea what I am doing. The thing I keep reminding myself is that everyone is in the same boat and it does make it easier to persuade myself to do certain things. The people are different, the place is different, the teaching is very different ( it’s weird to not call my lecturers sir) bit I am just taking it one step at a time in an effort to not overwhelm myself. A big wide world

Living in the city is scary I started going on a walk every morning before my lectures but there was always a large group of men which made me uncomfortable after an incident. I liked being wholly alone and having a moment of peace (I wake up very early and so it was often before anyone else was around) I shortened my route but it stopped once the mornings got a lot darker. I am yet to get lost in the city but the prospect scares me so I often stick to the same few routes I know. The university accomodation is very close to my building which makes it easy to go in and out, we started off going in as a big group which made the process less daunting. I am yet to go properly into the library and although I am very confident I tend to avoid eye contact with anyone in my journey there. My university have a room at the front where you can reserve books online and self scan them out, without even having to go into the building properly ( it’s great!)

I look forward to carrying on with my course and hopefully as the world begins to resolve itself it will make my problems easier to fix also.