Why Jesus Would Never Join Your Church
By: Rev Dr Sparky
Tags: Christianity, Spirituality, Humor, History, Change

Why Jesus Would Never Join Your Church

Unless it is re-born…

Be honest. If Jesus Christ (aka Iesus Kyrios, aka Yeshua bar Yosef) showed up at your church — okay, maybe before the pandemic — would he be comfortable there?

Would he be suitably impressed by the new $1.5 million remodel in the Worship Center?

Would the prophet who had to feed hungry multitudes from a basket of fish be suitably moved by the sight of all the chubby church members eating cookies during “fellowship hour”? (Um, can I meet Jesus with cookie crumbs on my chubby mouth?)

Would the one who said, “Sell what you have and give to the poor” be interested in the seminar on wealth management? Maybe. Stewardship is tricky. (I’m truly not judging — I don’t tithe, I wish I did, but still…)

Just let those questions marinate for a moment while we think about Christianity on this sixth Sunday of Easter — working up to the imminent climax of Eastertide.

Would Jesus go to my church? Photo by Andre Mouton on Unsplash

Seven of everything…

According to William Bridges, nearly all organizations live and die in the same seven stages, usually in the same order:

Dreaming Launching Organizing Succeeding Institutionalizing Closing In Dying

This week, I’ve been immersed in a training course about transitional and interim ministries that used this model. Turns out you can map these stages to the history of Christianity just as easily as any other organization, if you’re willing to tolerate some ambiguity.

For example, I think stages 1 and 2 grow together, and 5 and 6 are inseparable — so my model would have five stages. But five stages aren’t as biblical or sexy as seven stages, so I get it, Mr. Bridges. Seven is better and more nuanced. We’ll go with seven.

1. Jesus the Founder Dreams a Dream

Jesus (or Yeshua bar Yosef, to be didactic about it) was the Founder; the visionary. Rooted in his faith, he somehow managed to distill that tradition of creation, judgment, love, wisdom, wrath, and compassion into a Dream that will change the world.

Jesus [said]: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37–39)

2. Jesus and Disciples Launch a Venture

Jesus and the disciples work the dream into a message they think will scale up. They learn how to share it with others, testing its reach and resilience. From the jump, Jesus knows his Venture will not work if it’s only about him:

Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these… If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever — the Spirit of truth. (John 14:12; 15–17; 21)

Jesus spends so much time teaching, training, mentoring his followers that we modern readers forget that the message is for us, across the centuries. We snicker when Jesus calls the people fools and hypocrites. Uh, guys? Guys? We are the fools; we are the hypocrites.

Recently, an interviewer asked me who I’d invite to my ideal dinner party — one where I could have anyone I want, living or dead. In a playful discussion, I mused aloud that I’d love to meet Jesus face to face, but I was a little scared to. He wasn’t always comfortable to be around, I observed. Basically, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I wasn’t sure I was worthy.

I think I lost points with the interviewers. They looked puzzled. I imagined them talking among themselves later: “Didn’t even want to meet Jesus! Who does she think she is?”

But the crowds follow Jesus because he is right and he is righteous. He is teaching them what it means to be children of G*D, and he’s about to show them how to be children of G*D who live forever. That is not a cakewalk, my friends. That is a challenge — and that’s why the Venture is unique.

3. Disciples Organize the Organization

In the third stage, the Venture gets Organized into, well, an Organization. People join the Organization and develop and champion its core concept, polish it, market it, find its niche in the marketplace…

Paul of Tarsus is the ultimate opportunist; a master at this very thing:

Then Paul stood in front of the Areopagus and said, “Athenians, I see how extremely religious you are in every way. For as I went through the city and looked carefully at the objects of your worship, I found among them an altar with the inscription, ‘To an unknown god.’ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. (Acts 17:22–23)

Paul literally sees a blank space in the pantheon of gods saying, “Your God’s Name Here,” and says, “Have I got a god for you, people! Step right up and let me tell you about him!”

Once Jesus dies and the miracle of the resurrection has begun to emerge in the consciousness of the world, Jesus is no longer in charge. Others take control of the movement. Paul, especially, preaches for decades, and either writes, inspires, or signs off on dozens of letters in the New Testament.

And Paul went in, as was his custom, and on three sabbath days argued with them from the scriptures…God did extraordinary miracles through Paul…

Feverishly, I imagine what the headlines would be if this were happening today…

Paul Tarsus Takes Over as Head of Xty, Inc.

Yeshua bar Yosef ousted in major re-branding

The New Testament writings — the four gospels, the Acts of the Apostles, and the letters to the churches — tell the story of how Paul and the other apostles became the original Jesus franchisees, taking the message through the ancient Near East and beyond.

The Rest Is…Cliche

From here, you can write the history yourself, through the next stages, from the time when Constantine co-opted Christianity for the empire, until today, when there are nearly, I dunno, a billion and a half Christians in the world?

But are they still Christians?

If you love me, keep my commands

Love G*D. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Those are the commands, and because I am simple-minded, I will say that if I am following the commands of the Christ, then I will humbly call myself a Christian. Or at least, a Christian wannabe. Or a Christian in training.

But if institutions calling themselves “Christian” are not honoring those commands but are off on some other twisted crusades, then I will humbly declare them dead or dying. Or, at least, no longer Christian.

Yes. I get to do that.