I hate those guys…
By: Daniel Asuquo
Tags: Enlightenment, Awakening, Humor, Social Media

Before I get into this, It’s important to note that I can’t afford to 'hate' anyone because on a universal scale, hating someone or something means you are stuck with them. As you go through this article and see the things I’m going to talk about, you will immediately see how I can not afford to be stuck with them... I mean I want them out if my reality like yesterday. So as much as there are things that are annoying and get under my skin, I have to find a way to be civil about them while removing my attention and diverting them to things that I like. So I decided to turn those behaviours I don’t like into jokes; that way when they come up, I laugh at them… and I mean genuinely laugh.

After reading this article, they may be people who 'hate' me for saying some of the things they do get under my skin but please I would have everyone know it’s nothing personal… okay perhaps it’s a bit personal I don’t care much. I mean we can’t all like everything we all do right?!

Let me start with me. I’m not much into trending and trivial stuff and many people don’t like it. I don’t take 2 million pictures at every event I go to and yeah…people don’t like that. I don’t chase money like I’m going to die and you can imagine that a whole lot of people don’t like that. I decided to go a bit light-hearted on this one but be rest assured, I’m still coming from an awakening point of view.

A person awakening has to be able to question everything and make decisions depending on whether or not it’s good for them — not because everyone is doing it and it’s the new thing. Seeing people just follow suit for no reason (or because they feel they could maybe perhaps in their dreams somehow trend for a second) just makes me take a deep breath and say “not today Satan".

So what are those behaviours that I would like to never see again. I know it’s almost impossible to never see them again because there are lots of people like that and the statistical probability of never seeing them would require moving to a private island or… wait that private island! I’ll uh…explore that.

Fake Goodies — These ones put up on their status how good they are. They put up motivational and deep quotes that they themselves do not understand. How do I know they don’t understand them? Coz I know these fucking people and they are as mundane as… they know nothing about the depths or heights of the universe and they are plagued by all sorts of basic emotions. Yet if you look at their whatsapp status, you think the christ is on your phone… Sunday morning had them all in church and yet the foundations of their character is appalling and we all know it. I can’t help but say that I HATE THOSE GUYS (knowing fully well that I can’t afford to hate them else I’d be stuck with them). People who always have someone in mind — I hope I can drive this point home without talking too much. On social media these days, there is a lot of hostility and that’s really unsafe for our mental health. Pretty much every post is cyberbullying. Imagine a person who is enjoying a sandwich made by their loving wife. They take a picture and put it up with the caption “Can your wife ever?” What the actual fuck? Do they know what that does to a person’s mind? Even if one has the best wife, the fact that she didn’t drop a sandwich on his lap that day might make it seem like…well you get the point. In Nigeria where I live, it is “can your brother ever?” Can your mom ever? Can your pastor ever? Jeezz! I turn that into a joke because I can see that they need those little things to feel special and I kinda feel sad for them…but I laugh anyways. Senseless trends — Now I admit one has to be mentally strong to survive in this era. Perhaps one needed to be this mentally strong to survive in every era before now but I don’t know, this is the era I live in and have memory of so I’m talking about this era. Who did the first pre-wedding photo shoot and who made it law? Who knows?! But because it has become a senseless trend, you gotta do it NO MATTER WHAT! and if you don’t, then you are poor and have no money. Right? Jeez! Birthday shoots fall in the same category. Everybody’s gotta do it. In Nigeria where I live (I hope this becomes past tense real soon), NYSC is another senseless trend. We all know it’s obsolete, the majority of our work force don’t use that darn certificate but year after year, graduates troop in for that exercise… and they say it’s not for the money. I can’t understand what for.

A few days ago I went to see a friend and once I sat with her, I said through gritted teeth “I hate those guys" and we laughed because it was funny. She asked what I hated and I described an incident where I went to buy fruits and another customer came by for some bananas. The customer asked how much the bananas were being sold for and once the seller answered, the customer came back with “they are not even ripe”. That statement struck a nerve with me and I was like “if you don’t like the bananas, move on, why 'bad-mouth' the fruits just so you can reduce their value and try to pay less? That’s messed up behavior but I notice that is how the Nigerian haggles. They do it with clothes, food… every fucking thing and it’s so…so… Arrrghhhh!

The fact that I am awake really pulls my attention to such and I have to make it funny so I don’t get stuck with them…but there are everywhere. And it’s normal behaviour in these parts.

About two minutes after I finished talking to my friend, some traffic had build up outside her house and we could already hear them yelling. We heard someone shout “Are you okay? Are you mad? Should I come and treat your fuck up?”

I just bent my head and shook it lightly and she started laughing. She said “let me guess; You hate those guys!!”