One Size Does Not Fit All
By: K Andrew
Tags: Autism, Gifted Education, Homeschool, Twice Exceptional, Special Education

No Where to Fit In?

I’m a mom to a son that is 2e. Most people probably don’t even know what 2e is… 2e is also called twice expectational. Kids that are both gifted in an area and disabled in an area fall into the 2e category. These students are special needs but they are also gifted.

In school the 2e kids frequently hear phrases like, your child doesn’t qualify for an IEP because they are doing too well academically. Their disability is not affecting their progress in school so we cannot provide services. We are doing everything we would do anyway, so your child doesn’t need an IEP. On the flip side sometimes these kids are suffering as they reach older grades and are then held out of gifted classes. They are just not scoring well enough on tests. Kids have meltdowns, refuse to do work that doesn’t match what they think it should, misunderstand wording that is confusing to literal thinkers, and may just not fit in socially with the other students. They may be the students the teacher just couldn’t connect to or the student that the teacher always called on because they always have the answer.

At home the 2e kids parents may have worked out how to function throughout the day to avoid meltdowns, keep our kids nourished, and get them to change clothes and take a bath at least once in a while… It can be walking through a mine field to make sure you don’t say the wrong words, fix the wrong foods, buy the wrong brand.

There are lots of special needs groups out there. Parents facing kids that can’t speak, having meltdowns that turn violent, kids that not only are struggling at school but may never function independently…. So when 2e parents participate in those groups they are faced with the quandary of guilt, my child will go on to most likely be a functioning quirky science geek that has a few close friends and may suffer depression. He will struggle with everything from social interaction to how the world works, but ultimately what he can’t do he will probably have found a companion that will help him with.

As the parent now though it doesn’t make it easier, looking at this great kid that is struggling with where he fits in and could easily derail right now. A child that is rarely invited to parties and when he is he looks at the invitation and frequently turns up his nose because it’s a place that he doesn’t like. Facing questions about what to do about your child being bored in class when he’s way far ahead of the other students and there is no gifted program. Questioning programs at school that require your child to get hundreds of reading points when his reading level is so far above most of the other students that the school doesn’t have books at the right reading level that your student will read, so they just refuse. (So they are failing)

Asking questions in those special needs groups leads to two results that generally don’t include any answers. The first result is guilt from parents who don’t realize the there are unique struggles for 2e parents, struggles, worry and the second usually making you feel like you don’t really belong in the group to start. Amazingly enough lurking in the rooms, 2e parents could frequently point to the things we have in common with other special needs parents.