“How are you doing, really?” : The Ways We Still Connect During COVID-19
By: Ekta Daryani
Tags: Pandemic, College, Covid 19, Connection, Love

Ten months ago, when college students were packing their bags for a three-week extended Spring Break, nobody saw what was coming: the absolute heartbreaking reality of the amount of people who have suffered from COVID-19, and the subsequent amount of people who have lost ones they love because of it. All of this was completely preventable, and perhaps that is the most wrenching part of it all — the thought that haunts many of us as we think about what could have been.

Suddenly, going outside — what once seemed like the most normal thing in the world — isn’t. A neighbor walking their dog, two best friends in a tearful embrace, a shy laugh and wave to the girl wearing the same shirt as you on the bus, and the casual exchange with the person standing next to you in line at the grocery store, are symbols of the way in which our world has been completely turned upside down.

A couple months ago, a friend of mine posted an Instagram question sticker on her story. She asked, “How are you doing, really?” On a phone call that took place later on, she told me that every single person who answered, answered with some variation of the phrase, “I’m struggling.”

It’s true: despite all of the effort to make virtual hang-outs close to the real thing, you cannot put your hand through the laptop screen and into the world of the Zoom call. You cannot physically comfort a friend who simply needs a hug. The adventures you crave to experience now only take place within the pages of books and old videos. Between reruns of Gilmore Girls, Netflix Originals, and romantic comedies — all whilst in an un-ironed t-shirt and a pair of leggings grabbed from your basket of unfolded laundry — the ache for connection has grown amongst all of us, more than ever before.

When the pandemic is over, we will come out of it as different people. Imagine the poetry being written then; the long Instagram captions, and the reflective articles about how 2020 changed someone’s life — all of this in the future. But right now, while we are actually living within the year, all we can think of is how much we want out. The reflective words about growth never come until the event is over; kind of like the bittersweet yearning of nostalgia, the idea that anything is bearable if it exists only in memory. So here we are, in the midst of this paradox, wrapped with fear and uncertainty in every way. Maybe there are still ways to find the growth during it, rather than waiting until afterwards.

It seems like the entire world has stopped. And yet, despite this apparent stillness, life goes on. In these past months, we have failed tests, experienced break-ups, and accidentally fallen out of touch with friends. We have messed up cooking experiments and attended classes straight out of bed, still bleary-eyed from sleep. But we have also met new people through unexpected group chats, and stayed up until three in the morning, giggling over the conversation. People we never thought we would talk to have reached out to us. We have been asked, “how are you?” and been comforted with the words, “you may not know me, but I am here for you.” Friends have called us out of the blue to update us on the latest development in their love lives, and we have fallen for people again; the hints of something new.

A lot can happen in a year. We are at the brink of 2021, but we still have a ways to go. Everything that has happened this year will not change the minute the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. But maybe it’s worth noting that despite all of this space, in every way, this pandemic has brought us closer together. Maybe it’s worth noting that there is more than the uncertainty that encloses all of our thoughts. And maybe it’s worth knowing — even if it is difficult to feel — that we are not alone.