Heading for Creativity
By: Matt Morris
Tags: Self Discovery, Creativity, Psychology, Programming, Careers

“Crazy year huh?”

“Yeah” I answer, not sure of what else to say. It has been a crazy year, but yours has probably been worse…or at least less confusing.

“I’m so ready to take this mask off” I say, knowing I need to add more than four letters to this conversation.

“Yeah man me too, I forgot what it was like without one…I just want to be around people again”

That’s definitely something we can agree on…

My new years resolution: Learn how to speak to people again.

I didn’t lose my job in 2020, in fact I got to keep my original hours as a student employee. Now I just had to talk to clients over the phone instead of in person, and from the position of an introvert in customer service, thats a win if I’ve ever seen one.

I didn’t lose a loved one this year either. I am still on track to graduate too, maybe even early.

My biggest noticable life alteration for me and many students? Online classes. The difference being I had already been taking online classes for 3+ years, the majority of which were in 2019 due to the nature of my job.

I didn’t lose much of anything in 2020, aside from seeing new people everyday my life was relatively stable, as least as stable as it could be for what this year was.

So of course I had to go and create problems for myself.

I started the last spring semester as a psychology student. I was set on going into a specialized discipline after college, as I had been told repeatedly that this was critical for anyone majoring in psychology. Anyone that didn’t want to ask if you’d like fries with that quarter-pounder that is.

I believed this, and still do to some extent. Before the pandemic hit I had my mind made up on going into counseling psychology. I have always wanted a job that helped others and this seemed like the perfect fit. My current job in my universities counseling center reflects that ambition. My resume reflects that of a strong grad school applicant.

Then the pandemic hit. My spring break was cut short, my hours were temporarily reduced and I was left with downtime. A lot of downtime. Enough to have an identity crisis or two.

It started with architecture. I can’t recall a specific moment, but somewhere in my new career-induced depression I identified architecture as the thing I should pursue.

After having worked in a counseling center for several months at this point, the brief time away from school and work at the beginning of March 2020 spurred the realization that this probably wasn’t for me.

It wasn’t the heaviness of helping those with severe trauma, or the low compensation for skill required. I frankly didn’t think I had the patience or right mindset to go into counseling and I still don’t think I do.

So what did I decide to do instead? I started really thinking about who I was and what I wanted out of life…

Not really, I took a career test on the internet…the first of many.

According to the Holland Career Themes, a vocational theory invented by Psychologist John Holland, I’m primarily artistic, with a bit of interest in investigative, social and enterprising careers.

Okay, so I enjoy working with ideas, things, data and people. This didn’t surprise me at all. In fact I was a little disappointed.

I was always a nerdy kid. I would set up entire scenes for my action figures, build lego spaceships, read fantasy novels, watch history channel documentaries all day and play copious amounts of video games. I learned quickly to keep a cap on my excitement for these activities in school, mostly due to fear of judgement. In high school that fear was still there, but in the end you’ll always do what your interested in I suppose. From published poetry to musical roles to coming home to build things in minecraft, the creativity was always, always there.

Flash forward to college and I’m not some flourishing writer or musician. Yeah I can write and make things if I really want to, but wheres the money I asked myself, how many of us actually succeed in art driven fields? I need something that can both pay the bills and give me a way to show off my skills. The careers that were recommended to me at the end of the test were all things I had either ruled out or tried before.

Journalism? Yep, was constantly stressed. Poet? Might as well be on the streets. Musician? Don’t want to be a teacher. Psychologist? Really thought that was the one. Architect…

I hadnt really thought about architect.

Cue my six month dive into anything and everything related to architecture

I truly felt as if I had found my thing, I really did. From April to September of 2020 I consumed everything I could about architecture. I watched design videos, I started drawing lessons, I signed up for architecture classes in the fall. You name it, I did it. I finally thought I had found the perfect career. It all made sense, I played with legos remember?

Then I found out that architects have to go through a lot of school.

Of course you’re thinking, what did you expect? You cant just start drawing up a building and expect a good ole “Wow that looks real lovely Matt, I can’t believe you’re a starchitect after only two months of drawabox lessons”.

Believe me, I know, but with school comes debt and with debt comes the need for a good salary. Sure architects don’t make engineer money, but they get a decent paycheck right? Yeah they do, sometimes…it depends.

It was at about August where I finally started to get realistic about my goal. From my extensive online research, I figured out that most architects were underpaid, overworked and didn’t get much prestige if even a comfortable salary until they were older. I would need to go to school for at least 4 more years, incur large amounts of debt, work overtime until im 50 and keep working until I’m 80, with my magnum opus probably being some jiffy lube bathroom somewhere.

That’s a bit pessimistic. Still I figured out that I just didn’t have the passion that seemed a necessity for a career in architecture. Who doesn’t like legos after all.

So architecture was out. What now, well my career test said I was these things months ago, lets try it again to make sure…Yep still artisitic, still says I should be a journalist or psychologist. Thank you career test.

During my *sabbatical* into the world of architecture, I tried my hand at a few other disiciplines, all be it briefly. I was intrigued by coding and computers, and after learning that there could be a lot of creativity involved once you understand the basics, I dived in Harvards free CS50 course.

After about lecture two is when I lost interest. It wasn’t the subject matter itself, but the barrier to entry seemed unnervingly high. I was struggling to understand for loops and C syntax and now I’m supposed to write a game… Challenge accepted, except I’m taking 15 hours worth of classes and working 24…and I’m still not even sure if this is what I should be doing. Next time Harvard.

During the summer is also when I found UX design. Apparently it was a field that both former architects and psychology students could break into easily, for a decent starting salary.

Of course I was intrigued. I read about UX and what it entailed and on paper it seemed like the perfect fit. Combing the fields of psychology and design to make user experiences easier. It involved both research and creative thinking, two things I understood as a psych student and life long creator.

Flash forward to December of 2020, I’ve dropped architecture completely, I’m taking a front-end development course and I’ve been partnering with a local UX designer to reform the covid-19 vaccination website for Oklahoma.

Sounds like I’m on the right track right? Well…kind of.

UX certainly isn't a bad career. I admire those who have a passion for making our digital lives a little simpler. In reality though, doing the research, learning the design tools and reading the books to get a grasp on tackling user problems has been well…kind of boring.

I thought I was supposed to be interested in this? It checks all the little boxes I have for myself. Creative fulfillment, a good salary, a relevant background, the possibility of remote and freelance work…yet I keep going back to code.

I don’t know why, and as someone who overanalyzes themselves to much I’m slightly bothered. The truth is though, that having dabbled in programming through CS50, the itch to learn more has never left, despite the difficulty level. As someone who has quit a lot of things due to loss of interest or high barrier to desired skill level, programming has stuck.

I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly analytical person, or detail oriented for that matter. Yet I am learning python, html, css, git, the command line, and soon javascript with no complaints, in fact I’m excited. I’ll be making more of my own projects soon, I’m attending a hackathon in February with a friend who makes his own games.

Oh did I mention programming can pay well? Like really well, and not only that but I could work alone or with a small team with little supervision, potentially from home, potentially for myself.

If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that the career test was ultimately right. I am a creative person, whether I want to be or not. Everything that has kept my interest for a long time has had some element of imaginative freedom. The question now is how do I let that creativity work for me instead of running in the opposite direction out of fear. How can I use what I enjoy to provide value in the world, value to others, instead trying to stuff myself into a role because it sounds like me on paper.

I’m also writer and a musician. I’ve pushed myself away from these activities when I felt they haven’t been advancing my future, but without them its like I’m not even there. I need to be creative, I need the freedom to express myself. Whether it’s through this blog post, learning a new song, or writing a line of code. In 2021, no matter what, I’m heading for creativity.