8 simple but powerful practices to develop self-love
By: Ola Radka
Tags: Self Care, Love Yourself, Mindfulness, Self Improvement, Self Love

Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

Embarking on the journey towards more self-love will be one of the most exciting and rewarding things you will do in your life. There will be challenges but once you overcome them, you will end up being stronger and even more full of love and respect for yourself.

We all criticise ourselves from time to time. Some of us do it more regularly than others. Being harsh and judgemental towards yourself won’t do much good for your mental health.

As Louise L. Hay said:

“You have been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

Self-love is not only about accepting yourself but also developing an unconditional love for the unique, beautiful, and imperfect being that you are.

The path towards self-love might be winding and full of twists and turns but every step is rewarding and worth the effort.

Here are 8 practices that will keep you going on this journey towards loving yourself no matter what.

1. Do mirror work to plant seeds of self-love in your mind

In her work, Louise L. Hay talked a lot about so-called mirror work. The technique is simple but really powerful.

Stand in front of the mirror, look into your eyes and say, “I love you”.

You might feel a lot of resistance at first. It may sound like a complete lie but keep doing it anyway. It will get easier and easier with time until it will finally sound true.

You can do it any time of the day. You can do it whenever you find yourself in front of the mirror. I practise it mostly in the morning. It works well for me to start my day like this. But if you want to create your own routine around this exercise, feel free to do it.

The most important thing is implementing it into your daily routine. It will change how you feel about yourself in no time at all.

2. Learn to forgive yourself for any imperfections

Learn how to practise forgiveness. Nothing good comes from nourishing resentment, whether it’s resentment towards yourself or resentment towards others. You can’t fill your heart with self-love when you are poisoned by negativity.

There are different ways to practise forgiveness, my favourite one is chanting an ancient Hawaiian mantra Ho’oponopono. The mantra goes like this.

When you say these words, think of yourself in a situation you want to change. Maybe you have built a lot of resentment towards a family member or maybe you have really hurt someone and you can’t forgive yourself for that. Whatever the situation is, think of yourself as the creator of this issue.

In Ho’oponopono like in other spiritual practices, the belief is that we are the only ones who create our experience. There is no one else to blame for anything. Your inner reality creates your outer reality. It might be a scary thought to consider but it is also a thought that makes you regain power over your life.

When you do the Ho’oponopono practice you are essentially saying sorry to yourself for creating a given experience in your life.

Do it regularly until you feel that you let go of the burden of resentments and there is a space in you to fill yourself up with self-love.

You can read about more forgiveness practices here.

3. Cultivate gratitude to welcome more love and blessings into your life

Expressing gratitude, in general, is an amazing practice to incorporate into your daily life.

When you focus this practice on yourself it can help you develop more self-love in no time at all. I do it while looking at myself in the mirror. I say “thank you” to my body for all it does for me every single day. I look in my eyes and I appreciate how much progress I have made through the years.

The whole self-appreciation practice can be really short, maybe a couple of minutes, but it really helps you reconnect with positive feelings towards yourself.

You can also start a gratitude journal and write down all the things about yourself and your life that you are grateful for.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparisons steal the joy from you. They deprive you of the joy of being yourself. You are a unique, beautiful individual who has a lot to give to this world. No one has what you have so no one can make your unique contribution to this world.

Whenever you see picture-perfect happiness that we can regularly see on social media, remind yourself that there is no such thing as perfection. It is just an illusion, a utopian concept that will ruin your life if you keep comparing yourself to others and perceive their lives as perfect and yours as mediocre.

Another thing worth reminding yourself of, whenever you feel jealous of someone else’s success or happiness, is that life is not always fair. Some people are simply born with more advantages.

Whenever I feel I’m starting to be tormented by jealousy I also remind myself that we never know what lessons we are supposed to learn on our journey and we don’t know what other people go through behind the facade of their beautiful photos on Facebook. How many times have you heard of a famous and wealthy person who committed suicide?

Everyone has their own struggles. Remembering about it may help you stop comparing yourself to others. It will not only make you feel better about yourself, but you will also have more mental space to learn from people who have already achieved what you want to achieve.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

5. Go on dates with yourself

Scheduling regular me time is really important when you embark on the journey towards more self-love.

Whether you like going out to a cafe and watch the world go by while sipping your favourite coffee or maybe going for a massage at your favourite spa, make sure to find time to spend some quality time with yourself.

Your mind will be focused and you will feel regenerated and happy that you did something for yourself.

6. Read books about self-love

There are a lot of books about the topic of self-love. I have two titles to recommend:

Words cannot express how much I recommend you read this book. It is a book on self-healing.

It is full of practical exercises and affirmations. I’m mentioning this book while discussing the subject of self-love as Louise L. Hay put developing self-love as the most crucial element of healing. Her whole legacy is about self-love and you will find a lot of information and a lot of exercises that will help you connect to more self-love.

The second book I’m recommending is a lovely little book that will leave you inspired and ready to start practising self-love today.

The author is sharing his story and how the practice of self-love changed his whole life. Check it out. It’s an excellent book to read whenever you feel down.

7. Cultivate self-compassion

It is much easier to be compassionate towards others than towards yourself. But as the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. You can’t really have compassion towards others when you don’t have it towards yourself.

How can you develop self-compassion?

Practise forgiveness regularly. Once you accept your imperfections and allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them, it will lead you to more self-compassion. You can do the Ho’oponopono mantra or you can do other forgiveness practices. Choose a tool that suits you best. You can also listen to this Start with Self meditation.

Once you accept your imperfections and allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them, it will lead you to more self-compassion. You can do the Ho’oponopono mantra or you can do other forgiveness practices. Choose a tool that suits you best. You can also listen to this Start with Self meditation. Think of yourself as if you were a small child . You wouldn’t be upset with a child when they make a mistake, would you? You would probably have much more patience and compassion towards a little one because you will know that he or she is learning about life and how to navigate between life’s different challenges.

. You wouldn’t be upset with a child when they make a mistake, would you? You would probably have much more patience and compassion towards a little one because you will know that he or she is learning about life and how to navigate between life’s different challenges. Imagine how would that feel if you remember that your inner child is still alive inside you. It is still a part of you and it needs your love, understanding and kindness. You are still learning about life and its nuances as it is truly a lifelong journey. I really encourage you to adopt this perspective and see how much more self-compassion you will find in your heart.

Monitor your self-talk. It does take some effort to be aware of how you talk to yourself, whether you are constantly criticising yourself or whether you treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Whenever you notice you tend to criticise yourself too much, exhale these negative words and on the inhale fill yourself up with a more positive, compassionate thought about yourself.

8. Practise loving-kindness meditation

Loving-kindness meditation is a beautiful practice that will help you boost love for yourself and all living beings.

Find a quiet place for yourself to sit down with your feet flat on the ground. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Set the intention that with every breath in you are filling yourself up with love and with every breath out you are releasing all the negativity from your mind and body.

Now imagine seeing yourself just as you are right now. Connect to your heart and send yourself a stream of love. Repeat these words silently:

May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be safe from inner and outer dangers. May I be well in body and mind. May I be at ease and happy.

Once you direct this loving energy towards yourself, think about people who are close to your heart. People who love you and wish you well and the people who you love. Imagine seeing them just right in front of your eyes and again silently repeat these words.

May you be filled with loving-kindness. May you be safe from inner and outer dangers. May you be well in body and mind. May you be at ease and happy.

Send them a generous stream of love straight from your heart.

Now think of our whole planet. Imagine our beautiful planet right in front of your eyes and repeat these words again. Surround our Mother Earth with the energy of love and good wishes straight from your heart.

May you be filled with loving-kindness. May you be safe from inner and outer dangers. May you be well in body and mind. May you be at ease and happy.

You can adjust the words as you do the practice. Choose the words that resonate best with you and your heart.

I quoted the loving-kindness meditation after Jack Kornfield. You can find more information about it here:

https://jackkornfield.com/meditation-on-lovingkindness/

The path towards more self-love might be a winding road sometimes. There will be days when you feel that you are not making much progress. Just keep going and celebrate every little victory.

Remember that we are all in this together. If you need help or support, I am here, taking my own steps towards more self-love. Feel free to message me anytime. Let’s nourish our love for ourselves together.

In the meantime… May you be filled with loving-kindness towards yourself and others.