The Extrovert Mindset for Introverts
By: Mick De Boer
Tags: Self-awareness, Introvert, Life Lessons, Self Improvement, Social

There’s great power in being an introvert, yet most introverts admire the social skills that extroverts possess.

You always want the greener grass on the other side.

This includes myself, as I had been struggling with this exact issue for years.

As a teenage male, it’s tough to see your friends compete for girls while you struggle to make even a simple conversation. And I assume this is no different for you girls out there.

Although I didn’t quite understand the concept of introverts and extroverts back then, I craved the idea of being more like my friends to attract women with ease and have fun together.

All I wanted was to have more and deeper social connections.

But what if I tell you that you can make the same connections, but even on a deeper level as an introvert? When you embrace who you are, magic things happen.

And your social life will flourish once you learn the dynamics of social interactions. So let’s get your social life to the next level!

Step 1: Know Yourself

The big problem for me was that I was trying to become like my friends. Rather than focusing on who I already was, I didn’t accept my nature and fought against it.

A tiring and frustrating experience.

And definitely not recommended.

If you’re not sure about who you are, personality tests are great ways to find out.

These tests can reveal amazing details about yourself that some of us never take the time to think about. These tests are great tools to shine some light on yourself.

Replenishing Energy

There’s another crucial element that plays a big role when you’re an introvert. And that’s how you regain your energy. Because introverts generally recharge energy better when they’re on their own.

My friends got energy from engaging with people, while it drained my energy. So don’t forget to get in touch with how you feel after a social event (or multiple). And give yourself some rest if needed.

At first, it may feel a bit antisocial to go to one social event and decline another. It certainly made me feel bad.

But experience brutally taught me that constant back-to-back social events were driving a very low-energy state, inducing more awkwardness and becoming more anti-social.

Which concluded to more anxiety and an unwillingness to speak to anyone. Fortunately, the alcohol made most forget and made my nights “better” — only to feel more empty the next day and a useless human being.

Know yourself and you unlock success.

Step 2: Accept Yourself

If you’re an introvert, appreciate this to its fullest glory. There’s no point going against the grain and interrupting nature. Because there are a lot of amazing and beautiful things about introverts:

You’re a great listener;

You think before you speak;

You are a quality person and make quality friends;

And you make a great partner.

All of these qualities are superpowers that not everyone possesses. Besides, you’re great at spending time on your own, which allows you to go deep within yourself. And therefore, this unlocks the potential for you to go deep with others as well.

Accept that your natural state is more reserved, quiet, and observant. Because only once you accept this, you can choose to tap into your extroverted abilities.

Step 3: Pull the Switch

This is the step where the magic happens and you expand your comfort zone.

Personally, I need to know far in advance when a social event is happening. I like to mentally prepare myself because your energy state and mindset is everything. I need to get into “the mood” of interaction with other people.

It’s literally a switch inside my head that I decide to flick.

Or at least, that’s how I’ve conditioned my mind to work now.

Once you flick it, you start the process of pushing your energy outwards. Begin to laugh and have fun for no particularly good reason.

Start to say small little things to people. You don’t immediately have to start whole conversations. If you’re going somewhere, say hi to people on the street or at least smile at them.

The more you open yourself up and allow your energy to flow, the easier it becomes to have social interactions.

Your state of mind matters!

You’ll start to notice a change in your energy when you truly open up to people around you. Heck, you might even start to feel a change in the chemicals within your body.

It’s amazing.

Now if you still find this tough, you can activate this energy in a more private space. You can use a great mantra in front of the mirror for example.

“Life is great. This is so much fun, I’m going to meet amazing people.”

Is that weird? It probably is a bit. But who cares in private? After all, it’s even weirder to stay in your own bubble at a social event, right?

Prepare yourself mentally and energetically to start conversations. It’s all about your energy at the moment, and your ability to accept whatever happens next.

Step 4: Accept what Happens Next

The reason why it’s so difficult for most introverts to approach people is because of our fear of judgment. Self-judgement cripples you.

You see, as an introvert, you’re great at internalizing anything and everything. Overall this is a great asset to have. It makes you a great player in any team, job, or sport.

But when it comes to your social interactions, it’s a killer.

Because the reality of social dynamics is that rejections happen. Some people may find you boring. Others won’t want to interact with you at all. And sometimes, you seem to have a great conversation with someone, when this person suddenly has to go to the toilet, never to be seen again.

And guess what, it’s all okay.

You cannot connect with everyone. It’s not going to happen, period.

But rather than accepting the reality of this, it’s so natural for you to internalize and analyze every single detail about what happened during that interaction.

And you try to take these “learnings” to judge the next situation and try to find the “best timing” to approach.

Also, are you fanatically trying to map out how the conversation will happen from start to finish?

This approach is flawed from every side.

And I know it because I’ve gone into conversations extremely methodologically.

Guess what?

This takes the fun out of the whole interaction. When you come in with a script, you block the true energy that makes social interactions fun.

Accept whatever happens after the approach…

… and energy flows.

Laugh about rejections. Laugh together with those whom you seemingly have 0 commonalities with. And laugh with those that want to laugh with you.

Because at the end of the day, everyone’s better off from the fact you approached.

The ones who reject you, secretly feel admired for the fact that they were approached.

The ones whom you have no commonalities with are happy for the interaction and to find this out.

And the ones you have amazing conversations with… you know that’s an awesome experience.

And all of these scenarios have one great element in common: you gain valuable experience that leads up to unbeatable self-confidence.

Let go of self-judgment you place on yourself after every conversation — and great things happen.

Intention Matters

I want to add this as a quick side note on self-judgment because I found it helped me a lot:

Good intentions matter.

In fact, it’s the only thing that matters. If your interactions come from a good place, why would rejection or awkward social interactions matter?

Good intentions always win in the long-haul.

Step 5: Increase Your Volume

Everything becomes easier with practice.

There’s no difference between playing sports, growing a business, holding a big presentation in front of a crowd, or engaging in social interactions. The more you practice it, the better you become.

At the beginning stages when you’re trying to learn how to socialize as an introvert, you analyze everything people say and do. Every word that comes out goes through your own mental filter. And the slightest movement in the person’s face is up for review.

But after a while, you learn to understand the dynamics of social interactions. You learn that rejections happen all the time. And that it is okay.

That’s life.

The more social interactions you seek, the less your self-judgment stands a chance, and the more fun you begin to have with it.

Wrapping Up

It isn’t easy to become more social as an introvert. But what you’ve to understand is that your mind is naturally set to take information and process it internally.

You don’t like to be the center of attention and you don’t have to. Because when you learn how to start conversations, you've got the natural power to have a genuine interest in other people and get them to speak about their journeys.

Amazing opportunities come to you once you learn the skill of acceptance. Get through the scary moment of approaching and allow the rest to happen.

Finally, understand that you as an introvert, require time to replenish your energy by yourself. This doesn’t mean you cannot get energy from a social event like extroverts do, but it does mean that whenever you feel drained, schedule some rest.

When you understand this bigger picture, life becomes much more fun and enjoyable.

Thanks for reading and all the best to you!