Trapped At Home — The Old Are Becoming Lonelier
By: Anu Anniah
Tags: Society, Mental Health, Pandemic, Loneliness, Life

According to the Britannica, loneliness, distressing experience that occurs when a person’s social relationships are perceived by that person to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than desired.

Loneliness, distressing experience that occurs when a person’s social relationships are perceived by that person to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than desired. The experience of loneliness is highly subjective; an individual can be alone without feeling lonely and can feel lonely even when with other people.

In effect, researchers agree that loneliness is a state of mind. It starts with the mind but begins to manifest in the body leading to a decline in overall health.

For younger people who have schools or jobs to attend to, loneliness might be a huge issue too. But the kind of loneliness that hits retired old folks is at a different level.

A lot of old people are either living alone or living with a partner who needs constant care. These two groups of people are probably the loneliest.

In the pre-pandemic world, these old people still had some social outlets.

An old couple I know live by themselves in an independent house. On a normal day, they are perfectly happy living by themselves. It is a conscious choice they made. They have entertainment and human contact in terms of neighbors, relatives who visit, the street vegetable vendor, the grocery store owner down the road, and such like. They are happy with their life.

But now, they have been systematically cut off from all these social touchpoints. Well-meaning friends and relatives do call them. But it is not the same. They crave human contact in flesh and blood. They crave the daily haggling with the vegetable vendor, the across-the-fence chat with neighbors, and the regular stream of visitors throughout the day.

With none of this possible now, they feel like their oxygen supply has been cut off.

Another fallout of this lack of real human contact is that the old people have actually run out of conversation material. Even when someone calls them to chat, the conversation peters out pretty quickly because they have nothing to say. No local gossip, no crib sessions about how the vegetable vendor charged them extra, nothing at all.

This is now turning into a vicious cycle. They don’t meet anyone, so they have nothing to talk about. Because they have nothing to talk about, they have no interest in phone conversations. All this results in a spiral of loneliness and a lack of self-worth. So much so that they begin to believe that their life is as good as over. One person went as far as to tell me that it is better to die than to live a life like this.

I call and talk to one elderly lady I know whenever I can. Her constant lament is that she has nothing to talk about and nowhere to go. It is not as if she used to roam the countryside earlier. But she had the freedom to do so if she wanted.

One of the things old people are unable to accept is that they are no longer free to go where they want. They cannot handle this constrained lifestyle.

They understand it. That doesn’t mean they can accept it.

The technology barrier

The biggest issue that sets apart lonely people of other age groups from the old is the technology barrier.

The younger population is able to adapt to the new digital age and find distractions online. Whether it is social media or binge-watching Netflix, they have some diversion and something to keep their minds engaged.

The older folks are technologically-challenged and cannot operate any of these digital devices well enough. Most old people I know don’t know how to subscribe or login to Netflix. Several old people that live around me are afraid to use a smartphone, let alone any of the apps that come with it.

How are they supposed to stay engaged in the new online world? With no physical world human contact and no ability to access the online world, these seniors are suddenly totally at sea in the new world order.

I was talking to another old couple recently. They are healthy and have enough saved up to see them through the rest of their lives. The husband just hung up his boots on his job, and they were looking forward to a life of travel and actually living their life. But the pandemic has put paid to all their dreams.

Now they are unsure when they will be able to travel, or if they will ever be able to travel. Given their age, they are understandably pessimistic about what the future holds for the world. This has made them both melancholic and withdrawn. It is as if they have lost their zest for life. They don’t know what to do with their time.

What can the not-so-old do to help?

All of us know people in this state. How can we rally around and help them tide over these strange times? Think of all the old people in your neighborhood.

What old people really need are gifts of time and patience. The NHS UK website offers a lot of advice on how to engage with the old and the lonely.

Volunteer to bring them their groceries and other supplies. Instead of a stranger from the store, it will help them to see a known face and hear a voice they recognize when you drop off the supplies.

What old people really need are gifts of time and patience.

If you have been following all the norms of social distancing, you can also volunteer to take old people out once in a while. My husband and I recently took an old lady to her favorite shop. It was a short outing, but we could see the change on her face at the end of it. She was glowing with joy. It was as if she had sprung back from whatever depths of loneliness she was in. All she wanted was a change and some semblance of normalcy.

Engage them in conversation that they might be interested in, even if it is not your type of conversation. If they complain about the state of affairs and sound bitter, just be patient and let them rant it out. It is cathartic for them.

Helping the old cope with loneliness is actually a two-way street. It helps them live a little better during these troubles times. More importantly, it gives you a deep sense of purpose. We need all the positivity that we can gather and spread right now.