IN THE ARMS OF THE SHEPHERD
By: Clara M Njeru
Tags: Advent, Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

But Abba, I do want.

I want the world to mend. I want death to die. I want suffering to cease. I want goodness, truth, and beauty to blot out darkness. I want reconciliation to bind division and empathy to upend contempt. I want just mercy. I want a life that is full and vibrant. I want to be so much better than I am.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

But Jesus, the pastures have not been green. Not always. The waters have raged. The loss. The loneliness. The fear. The heartbreak. Why?

He restores my soul.

Healer, please. I can’t fix myself. I’ve tried. Trust me, I’ve tried. But I only seem to keep crumbling, stumbling further from you.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

Christ, I am not worthy of your name. My sin is a disease, infecting, spreading in the space of a breath, giving way to death. I cannot escape it, cannot confine it. I am beaten.

Even though I walk through the valley of the

shadow of death,

Not there. Please, not there.

I will fear no evil,

I am afraid.

for you are with me;

You are with me.

With me.

You, with me?

Even I?

I, who stray from you in pride, only to find myself lost? I, who have indulged my appetites and wasted time, who have become drunk on the illusion of control? I, who have sought the approval of man instead of seeking your face? You would have me?

Emmanuel. God with us. With us. You came to “be with.” Died to be with. That we may never be alone. Is that the salve that soothes the ragged edges of suffering? That gives us the strength to take up the promised cross? Job was humbled by your presence — but did he also find relief there?

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

I find no easy answers. But by the evidence of your presence, I am comforted because I remember who you are. Not just any shepherd, but the Good Shepherd. Who knows his sheep. Who seeks the lost. Who lays down his life.

I need a lot of guidance. Could you lead me gently? Could you gather the pieces of my fractured heart and hold me close?

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Do I need eyes of faith to see the abundance of your table? Could my longings find their greater “Yes” in your arms? Food that satisfies, not simply delights. Wine that gives life, not numbs. Joy that abides, not fades fleetingly. Love that abounds, fills, overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

For you have come near. You made this world your home, that I may make your home my own.

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

Prayer:

Good Shepherd,

Guide us as we wrestle with your Word. Open our eyes to the reality of your presence. Teach us to receive the solace of your Spirit. Ground us in hope that supersedes all circumstances. And move us to invite our neighbors to your table, where there is space for all.

Amen.

Hannah Williamson

Alumna of Biola University and the Torrey Honors College

Content Creation Specialist at Michael Hyatt & Co.

Day 16 Advent 2020 devotional from http://ccca.biola.edu/