All Clothes Shopping is Not Created Equal
By: Lisa Olsen
Tags: Clothing, Humor, Fashion, Clothing Brand, Shopping

Or why guys don’t understand why shopping is so hard

Photo by Becca McHaffie on Unsplash

Imagine, if you will, that three different people set out to get a single pair of pants.

First, we have Lindsey, a young mom, just out to get some pants for her toddler.

One bright summer day, Lindsey decides that it is time for her 18 month old to get some new pants, as even though he is considered an average sized child at the doctor, he is outgrowing the size listed as 18 months.

She hates kid’s sizing and considers it to be even less helpful than women’s sizing. How is it possible that at one store the size up is 18–24 months, as opposed to just 18 months, but at other stores it is 24 months and at some places the size goes from 18 months to 2t?

She is so frustrated over the fact that mathematically 24 months is age 2, so should be equal to 2t clothing, but no, in a move that defies logic, the size 2t months is typically (but not always) larger than size 24 months.

It is all maddening.

Not to mention the time that she was hunting for size 24 months shorts, which she found, in two different styles of shorts. She held them up against each other and saw that there was an inch difference in the waist, even though they were “the same size” at the same freaking store.

She brought them both, since her son wasn’t currently with her, and went to the cashier, ready to rant.

“How is this even possible? Are kid’s sizes this worthless? You have two pairs of shorts, the same size, with an inch difference at the waist! It is not even possible to know what size my child will be. Besides, there is no way that both of these will fit. That big of a difference means that one will fit, and one will fall off!”

The cashier calmly replied, “They are different styles, so they are sized a little differently.” The end of that day was exactly as Lindsey expected, one of them fit just fine, and the other falls off her son for now, and she hopes he will grow into the waist size before his legs grow too much for the length to be correct.

On this day, Lindsey finds hope and peace in the best kid’s clothing invention ever- adjustable elastic.

She knows that Ancient Blue is one of the stores that as long as she gets the 18–24 month size with a button on the front, not just an elastic waist, that there will be a beautiful little button on both sides of the waist that she can use to change the elastic on the inside, and size them herself to fit her son. She goes to the store, picks out the color she wants, size 18–24 months with the adjustable sizing and walks away happy.

Next we have Brittany, a tall, yet slim woman who is looking for a pair of jeans.

One bright summer day, Brittany decides that she could use a new pair of pants.

First, she considers ordering online, but realizes that comes with a huge hassle if they don’t fit, as they so often don’t. Then she has to think about all of the different sizing options available in the stores around her. The numbers on the pants are more of a guideline than a size, since each store determines the cut of that particular size their own unique special way.

Which basically means it’s guesswork.

“Last time, I got a size 8 from Bullseye, but their waist was a bit too small,” she thinks to herself. “I fit into the size 6 at Fast, but the thigh area was a bit too snug.”

She has never found the perfect jean, but settles on going to Ancient Blue, reasoning, “Size 8 was way too big last time, so maybe size 6 will fit me now.”

She gets herself to the store, and starts looking around the jeans section at Ancient Blue, and first tries to decode all of the different cuts that exist.

“Shapely? Superstar? Significant Other? What do these even mean, and what do they have to do with my size of pants?”

Since none of these terms really explain in any significant way how the jeans will actually fit on Brittany, she decides that she just has to take a mountain of jeans with her to try on. She goes to each of their three main styles, and starts hunting for both size 6 and size 8, since she isn’t sure which one will fit her best this time, or in what style.

Before she can even find the size, she is struck with yet another choice, small, regular or long, with their very non-specific length descriptions. Of course, women only require three different lengths of pants- we only come in three different height sizes after all.

She has been down this road before, knowing that her long legs will require a long to avoid looking like capris.

“Okay, first, I am going to try to find both size 6 and size 8 long in the Shapely style.” She starts digging through the stack, which doesn’t seem to be arranged in any particular order, and finds a size 8 long, but only a regular size 6. Even though she realizes that she is unlikely to like the way that the regular 6 will fit, she hopes that perhaps today will be different.

In the next style, Significant Other, she starts the hunt again. She finds both sizes in long, but only in the jeans with the holes in them, and she was hoping for jeans that she could dress up for work as well, so pre-ripped jeans are not even an option.

She starts to dig through Superstar, and comes up with a size 6 long, but only a size 8 regular.

With a big sigh, she trudges off to the dressing room, not even sure that any of the options in her hands will fit her.

In the Shapely style, she is ecstatic to find that the size 6 fits her perfectly… except for the length. The size 8 in Shapely is still too big, so the fact that the length would work doesn’t help anyone.

She looks at the last pair of jeans, the size 6 long Superstar, and has a surge of hope.

“This is it, this is my pair, this will be the perfect jeans for me!”

The moment of truth. She pulls them on. Alas, even though she can get them fastened, barely, they are way too tight. The style has changed the sizing so much that even though the Shapely 6 long would have been perfect, it didn’t exist at the store, and the only 6 long they have in a style that would work for office or home doesn’t actually fit her.

Brittany is defeated.

Her lunch hour is over, and she still doesn’t have a pair of jeans. She will have to decide later if she wants to order the Ancient Blue online or if she wants to try this whole quest another day at another store, since women’s sizing is more of a guideline than an actual size.

Last we have John, a typical male searching for a basic pair of pants.

One bright summer day John decides he wants a new pair of pants.

He looks for the nearest store to his work that sells pants. He is size 32/32, so he locates the color he wants, picks up the pants without trying them on, since he knows they will fit, makes his purchase and goes home.