Which Movie Character Would Mitch McConnell Be?
By: Nicolas Carteron
Tags: GOP, Politics, Society, Movies, Culture

Which Movie Character Would Mitch McConnell Be?

A 1997 cult film perfectly captured the true essence of Mitch.

In over a century of film-making, which character has truly captured the essence of Mitch, his unique blend of detached cruelty, self-conscious vileness, and fully-acknowledged evil? There are a few suitable candidates, and if your first instinct was to answer Hannibal Lecter, Nurse Ratched, HAL, or the velociraptor from Jurassic Park, I don’t blame you, they’re good matches.

However, there is a character whose story arc and personal values match those of Mitch so perfectly that the comparison is uncanny. I’m talking about Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg, of course.

If you’ve never watched The Fifth Element, I invite you to do so right now. Drop this article, find the movie, and watch it, I’ll wait for you. Should you choose to read the article first, be forewarned that it may contain spoilers.

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg is the villain of this 1997 French-American movie directed by Luc Besson (Léon: The Professional). Gary Oldman brilliantly plays him if the adverb is even needed anymore for the man.

Zorg is the CEO of Zorg industries, and he embodies the worst aspects of humanity and capitalism. Already, he seems like a great representation of our dear Senate Majority Leader. But the comparison doesn’t end here. Zorg secretly works for The Great Evil, a form of destructive darkness that threatens to end all life in the universe for no specific purpose. The Great Evil loves his destruction and chaos. He enjoys hurting living things, just like his underling Zorg, and much like Mitch!

Zorg also doesn’t mind to use enhanced interrogation techniques, as he demonstrated when he said:

Torture who you have to, the President, I don’t care. Just bring me the stones. You have one hour.

To Zorg, the end justifies the means. It’s interesting, then, that Mitch’s website features an article with just that title!

In an interesting twist of irony, the article below talks about the Democrats, and their Machiavellian attitude in the Senate. Oh, those pesky, naughty Democrats always trying to prevent Congress from working properly, always not bringing bills to the floor. Don’t worry, Mitchie, you ain’t done nothing wrong.

And when it comes to torture, Mitch’s grandstanding against Trump in 2017 (“torture is illegal”) doesn’t erase his response to the 2014 CIA report on interrogation techniques used in the war against terrorism:

Zorg also shows a profound disdain for soldiers and veterans when he says:

I don’t like warriors. Too narrow-minded, no subtlety. And worse, they fight for hopeless causes. Honour? Huh! Honour’s killed millions of people, it hasn’t saved a single one.

Mitch may not talk much about the troops, but his actions when it comes to supporting the troops show as much consideration as Zorg’s words.

The following dialogue between one of the movie’s good guys, priest Vito Cornelius, and Zorg demonstrates how perfectly he accepts his evilness:

Priest Vito Cornelius: You’re a monster, Zorg.

Zorg: I know.

When Mitch is faced with the consequences of his actions or lack thereof, what does he do? When he’s told that he is a monster for all intents and purposes, how does Mitch defend himself? He doesn’t. He laughs. Mitch knows he is a monster.

In one of his most famous quotes, Zorg tells Priest Vito Cornelius that:

Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder and chaos.

He then pushes a glass off his table, causing several robots to come out and clean up in a ballet of beeps, toots, and other futuristic noises. He concludes that:

You see, father, by causing a little destruction, I am in fact encouraging life. In reality, you and I are in the same business.

Isn’t that exactly what Mitch is doing right now? He refused a $2,000 stimulus check to all Americans while bringing back on the table two issues his Great Evil overlord has been asking for months: a commission to investigate voter fraud and a repeal of Section 230. Mitch has been playing with chaos for years, to the point that some argue his goal might be to destroy the very institution he sits in!

Plus, we can not ignore that Mitch is married to Chao. He has embraced the Chaos multiple times in his life and continues to do so to this day.

Coincidence, I think not!