What’s going to make you happy?
By: Aomame Greenpeas
Tags: Life Choices, Spiritual Growth, Happiness In Life, Culture Change, Trust

What’s going to make you happy?

Not your family.

Not your friends.

Not even your partner.

But you.

What is going to make _____(insert your name) happy?

And I’m not talking about irresponsible decisions. I am talking about the ones that silently whisper at your heart towards the end of the day.

Every time I was about to make a decision.

what kind of job should I get ?

Who should I marry?

Should I break up with them?

Should I relocate?

Should I write that book?

All of those decisions I replayed in my mind with the voices of my parents, friends, my lover, etc. echoed back at me.

In the past I would go to friends before hand to tell them my upcoming decisions with some hopes of confirmation that I was doing the right thing. I valued their opinions and their opinions also took some weight over my own. It’s the culture, many of us unconsciously care about what others think-we value it.

Because of the need for approval, my heart had been stuck in a rut for years and for the longest I couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t until I was sitting down one day telling my homegirls about how I was falling in love with my guy friend. Oh man did I receive a bajillion text messages of mixed advice and a fear slowly anchored into my heart. I nearly stopped being friends with my guy friend.

The responses from my girls disappointed me at first, until I realized why I am seeking confirmation from other people with what I want to do with my heart. They don’t know how I’m feeling. Their experience isn’t my experience. I can take their experience into account, but at the end of the day the decision is mine alone to make and it must be dependent upon me, not anyone else.

All those times I came to my people about my plans for my career choice-my travel plans-my relocation plans-the “ima break up with him” plans, etc…sometimes it took me along time to go through with MY plans because of the responses I would get.

And it’s my fault, because you know what I came to my friends with my plans about what I wanted to do with my life. Do they look like me? No. Many times I came unconsciously, I came in the form of conversation hoping for some form of confirmation. Many of us do that...we go to our friends or trusted loved ones to confirm that the decision we are about to make is the right one. We got to trust our hearts more.

No one knows what’s going to make you happy, but you. No one knows what’s in your heart, but you.

I remember the time I went all the way to another country for a guy I barely knew. One friend of mine was so against that decision. There’s no happy love story through, it didn’t work out, in fact I don’t even think I saw him…but in the end I did it for me. I was tired of always needing the permission of others to do what it was I wanted to do. That trip turned out to be life changing by the way, because I followed my heart and it led me down a path to something greater. I would have missed that moment waiting for the permission of others.

Do what’s best for you and stop letting outside forces control your life.

Everyone’s idea of you is based on their own view of life. Sometimes their ideas for you are based on their own need for control, but that’s a whole other conversation.

Now I’m not saying don’t go to your friends for advice, but at the end of the day it all comes down to your heart. What may not be rational to someone else can very well be rational to you. Our heart is ours alone. Our experiences is ours alone. Those silent whispers tugging on your heart at the end of the day will tell you more than anything outside of you can.

So, What’s going to make ____ (insert your name) happy?

-lateisha