All The Conversations I’ve Had With Myself
Tags: Thoughts, Mindykaling, Nights, Humour, Wine

Here’s to the wine-filled nights with humor and mild anxiety.

Photo Credit: CottonBro

Feet parallel to the wall. Its been that way for about an hour but I simply can’t be bothered to bring it down. Wearing the same clothes 3 days straight and I’m starting to smell a bit.

Lol. Who do you need to shower for? No one is coming. No wait, that’s not true, my boyfriend has gone back to his parents and I’m alone for a few nights. I check my phone, zero messages. No one is bothered about you. I proceed to take another bite out of an unusually large sized brownie. God, yeah, take another bite won’t you! You fat slob. Tears rush down my eyes…. The brownie tasted absolutely delicious. I proceed to take another bite… Oh dear. This is all going straight to your stomach! Bruh, I have no complaints.

Then, I proceed to draw out something, Idk what it is yet. I’m not a Picasso. 5 minutes pass…Then another 10. Yeap, its boobs. I drew boobs! You have no talent! Hahaha, you’re right. I don’t!

Time for dinner and a good YouTube Video. Let’s see. Aba and Preach? Yes. Hmm, why do the good content creators always have really little subscribers? Is YouTube Racist? OMG, stop. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. Yes, they are racist! They are! Chill the F out! I make oddly-shaped banana oatmeal pancakes and it tastes quite bad — oatmeal usually does. Actually laugh out loud a couple times because Aba and Preach are both really funny men.

Then, a notification pops up and…Its work and its not urgent. Not today, Satan! Not today. Do it now or you’ll lose your job… If your boss is working, so should you. Do it! I succumb, pour myself a glass of wine and proceed to work for the next 2 hours. It is now 1.14am and I’m onto my 4th glass of Moscato.

The night is still young. Let me light up some candles and play some music. Champagne Toast from Bath and Body Works is pretty good. Next, Taylor Swift? Sure. We all need a little Tay-Tay. Who even listens to her, you’re so basic. Her music isn’t even that good. Play Frank Sinatra. Listen to better music. Be Better! Lights, Camera, Action! ….. I stay out too late, got nothing in my brains, shake it off…my ex-man brought his new girlfriend…. shake shake shake.

Now, a little tipsy. I make myself another meal: An Egg Sandwich. Fat, fat, fat. You’re going to be so fat! Bread has so much sodium in it, you’re going to bloat and complain in the morning. Now, my sister calls because she knows I’m not asleep and we talk about the latest family drama — so, if you must know, our cousin is moving to Canada for good to pursue her relationship with a guy she met online and we both just have so much to say about it. Why are you even judging her? She’s entitled to her decisions in life — just like you are. You are living in sin having coitus before marriage. Great! I’m a terrible human being.

The time is now 3.30am. Let’s take a couple photos of my view. Why bother, you’re a shitty photographer. No one will ever see your work! Au contraire, I’m actually not a bad photographer. The Kuala Lumpur City at night is quiet and beautiful.

The Twin Towers are the most beautiful skyscrapers, especially during the night — it illuminates the city and… But its so overrated, how many times do you want to take the same picture of the twin towers! Get A Life!

I proceed to take a couple more photos of my favorite city, in awe of this beautiful view and feeling grateful that I made the financially correct decision to move in with my boyfriend and live in sin. Best decision I’ve ever made.

At 4.30am, I play some Beyoncé and proceed to clean the apartment. Maybe its because I’m getting older but vacuuming and mopping really just gives me a sense of accomplishment that I’ve not felt with any of my jobs. You missed this! No, no, turn the handle, make sure you do this room twice! You are reading this and you are laughing to yourself because that is exactly how you feel too! Let’s normalize this.

5.45am— Knocked out in bed with a possibility of snoring.