How to Start Creating Your Own Version of Success
By: Judit Lovas
Tags: Personal Development, Life Coaching, Goal Setting, Success, Career Success

How to Start Creating Your Own Version of Success

In 2016, I landed my first public servant position. I was over the moon. I just got a job for which most people would give an arm and a leg. Having a steady paycheck, health and dental coverage, as well as an attractive pension plan, is the epitome of success for many people, including my parents and most of my friends. Long story short, I worked at this highly regarded job for years, all the while becoming increasingly overwhelmed and exhausted.

From the outside, my life looked desirable, I had a meaningful job, made good money, and achieved ambitious career goals. Deep inside though I was miserable, unhappy and unfulfilled.

I kept asking myself what’s wrong with me. Why I felt unhappy when I was doing everything I was supposed to do to achieve success?

Then one day that metaphorical light bulb went off in my head and I realized:

This is not my career goal. I’m chasing other people’s version of a successful career.

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

What is Success?

The word success comes from the 16th Century Latin word “succedere” meaning “come close after”. The word later evolved to “successus” which means “advance, a good result, and a happy outcome”.

To me, success is a happy state of mind when I do what I meant to do and be good at it. My career goal is to help people achieve great success in their careers while they feel happy and fulfilled. (Read my blog to find your dream career here).

So, what are these two components of success?

The Two Sides of Success

According to G. Richard Shell, professor at Wharton School, every success has two faces. An outer face that is visible to the world and an inner face that is hidden from others, only you can see it.

The outer face of success, what others can see, is all about achievements, career, recognition, money, and status. This is what the media covers, magazines celebrate, and what people get awards for.

And there is another face of success that is invisible to the outside world. This face, the inner face of success, is about feelings such as fulfillment and happiness. It cannot be measured by external markers like achievements or money, only you feel satisfied when you have it.

The reason why most people who are obsessive about money and achievement don’t always feel happy or successful is that they confuse success with money, power, or status. They don’t realize that the other side is missing. They don’t realize that both components are required for true success.

Disappointment: The Price We Pay for Chasing Other People’s Success Goals

Dr. Richard Bandler, the inventor of Neurolinguistic Programming, holds that “disappointment takes adequate planning”. I couldn’t agree more.

People who spend their best effort, money and time on chasing other people’s version of a successful life or career, deliberately plan to be disappointed.

When we try to achieve other people’s goals, it is an illusion of what we chase rather than a goal. If we aren’t careful what we wish for, we can easily end up getting what we were chasing and being disappointed when it doesn’t feel all that good. It doesn’t, because of the inner conflict between what we truly want versus what we think we should want.

When you ignore your own version of success, fulfillment and happiness usually elude you.

Not to mention that chasing other people’s goals is exhausting. It takes a toll on someone’s mental and emotional health.