Eight Awesome Story Songs
By: Kathy Copeland Padden
Tags: Songs, Music, 1970s, Culture, Humor

The Night That the Lights Went Out in Georgia

Vicki Lawrence

I had this one on an old K-Tel record from the 70s. This song basically scared the crap out of me as a kid. I’d keep lifting my headphones off, making sure some backwoods southern lawyer wasn’t outside my bedroom door. They hung an innocent man, so the judge had bloodstains on his hands, and that was enough to send me running back to the Osmond Brothers faster than you could say Crazy Horses.

Some poor schmuck getting framed and hanged in some podunk town in Georgia was a bit much for this delicate little flower.

Shannon

Henry Gross

If you like Old Shep, you’ll love Shannon. Is there anything more heart-wrenching than a beloved dog’s death? Cue violins and grab a box of tissues. This one’s a doozy, kids, even though it's an utterly shite song.

I could never figure out what happened to Shannon, though.

She “drifted out to sea?” What happened? Swept out by a riptide? Shark attack? Trying to escape her maudlin owner and his dopey songs? That's my guess. Hopefully, she found that island with a shady tree, far, far, away from that painful falsetto chorus.

David Geddes

Here’s a little ditty about a pregnant teen named Julie and her maniacal gun-wielding father. You definitely get the vibe that this kid was wearing a purity ring and attended those creepy Daddy/Daughter dances with her old man. In fact, Julie telling Daddy that she and Joey were “gonna get married — just you wait and see” probably threw him into a jealous rage.

Hey Dad — got news for ya, pal. It takes two to Tango, so if you’re going to kill Joey, you should at least ground that hussy daughter of yours. Oh wait, you killed her dead. Never mind.

Bo Donaldson

A cheery and rather cheesy song about patriotism and the futility of war that is so infectiously bouncy it almost makes dying for the oligarchs sound appealing.

Almost.

My friends and I used to drink vodka and Kool-Aid, then “play” along to Billy, Dont Be a Hero on pots and pans in my parents' kitchen. That military drumbeat was irresistible. Good, wholesome, shitfaced entertainment.

Can't tell a lie, though. The last line “I heard she threw the letter away,” still gets me right in the fee-fees. But don’t tell anybody. I would hate to lose my street cred.

Pole? I dont need no damn pole Photo by Mervat

Cher

This was the first single I ever bought with my own money. It kinda made me wish that I’d been born in the wagon of a traveling show.

Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves was another tale of an oopsie pregnancy, but in this scenario, the impregnator bounces, and Unwed Teenage Mother’s dear Papa was seemingly supportive. I’m a tad confused by Cher’s assertion that “Papa would’ve shot him if he knew what he’d done,” though.

Hold up. Papa didn’t know what he’d done? Did a star rise in the East? Our friend Joey was at least willing to accept his responsibility. Julie’s dad, Mr. Anger Issues, should take note.

Long story short, our heroine would dance for the money they’d throw, just like her mother, and most likely her own daughter as well. Hooray for generational poverty!

Paper Lace

Daddy was a cop on the east side of Chicago …

I had no idea this was about a shoot-out between the Chicago cops and Al Capone’s gangsters. Yawn. This is the new millennium. Shit can go full-on OK Corral anytime or anywhere. The way Paper Lace spins it, you’d think it was a big deal. Clearly, this song was not composed during the era of almost daily school shootings.

I miss those days.

Jim Croce

You may recall that bad, bad, Leroy Brown was the baddest man in the whole DAMN town.

Ooooh. Profanity. That was exciting.

As kids, my best friend and I repeatedly sang this just for the opportunity to say the word “damn.” Naturally, DAMN was about a thousand decibels louder than the rest of the song. Singing that shit loud and proud. Because that’s how we rolled. We were gansta.

I know that today this jam would be considered a paean to toxic masculinity, but whatever. It rocks, so don’t mess around with Jim(Croce.)

Terry Jacks

I had a friend who loved this jam. Why, I have no idea. So, as a joke, I filled a 90-minute cassette with this song. Nothing but this maudlin, annoying song. Over and over. It was painful but worth it.

I know he enjoyed it because his brother told me if he ever found out who made him that tape, he’d flatten them. I just nodded and smiled, while laughing like a hyena on the inside.

I didn't want anyone to know I owned that record. Can you blame me?