Supporting singletons in the holiday season
Tags: Friends, Advice Column, Christmas, Advice and Opinion, Singlehood

Christmas tree magic by Unibookworm

Ah it’s that time of the year for family and friends gatherings, as we ring in the Christmas season and New Year. Given it’s been a year like no other, it’s definitely something that we’re not going to take for granted. One thing that remains universal? Navigating the inevitable why are you still single question?

Now I’m not going to write an article on that…surprise! There’s a plethora of articles on it. What there isn’t though are ones for well meaning family and friends. So here we go!

1.Before asking the inevitable why are you still single question, check your intentions first.

Yes the question. Are you asking because you’re genuinely concerned for them because it’s been forever since they’ve got out there? Or is it because you inherently believe that it’s impossible to be happy without being in a relationship? Regardless of your views, it’s more to do with what your fellow singleton thinks. Though if you have to ask, please ask with tact; not right off the bat. You want to encourage them. Not make them wonder why they even bother to come to these gatherings, where their non existent love life is in the spotlight.

2. Remember there are way more interesting conversations topics than relationship status.

Believe it or not, there is! Have they started something new recently, whether it be a blog, a new job or moved to a new city? Ask them about it and they’re more than happy to tell all. Or here’s a crazy idea, why not talk about your common interests? I mean that’s how you became friends in the first place right? Side note, if they’ve started seeing someone new but want to keep it on the downlow; if you’re as close as you think, they will tell you without being asked.

3. For the love of all sacred things, don’t attempt to set them up with a total stranger.

I can’t keep up with the number of times my well meaning friends and parents have attempted this. Either in passing conversation or being blatantly obvious about it and telling me so and so will be visiting. Do you know what happened? I made the point to be nowhere to be found when their intended suitor was around. Chances are they’ll do the same thing and disappear all of the sudden. It’s in the singleton code red rule.

4. If you’re the host of the gathering, why not mix the table seatings around so it’s not a total couple central?

Look your couple friends aren’t going to go AWOL on you if you don’t seat them together. I mean they see each other like all the time and would actually appreciate getting to talk to other people. So they’ll have new stories to share with their SO and vice versa. While your singleton friend will forever love you for not making them stick out like a sore thumb.

5. The best way to help is to actually listen.

We know you mean well but what we really want is for someone to listen about our current life season. If we’re telling you that we’re on a dating burnout, now’s not the time to tell us to go and meet new people. If we’re dealing with our latest heartbreak, not the best time to give blasé advice of any sort. Sometimes the best way to help is just listen.

6. Divvy up hosting tasks among guests.

One of my pet peeves about social events in general sans the whole being single thing, is not knowing what to do in a crowd of people. I’m an ambivert, but an introvert at heart. So if I don’t know anyone besides you and everyone else is a total stranger, it feels awkward joining new conversations. It’s an introvert thing, not wanting to intrude. So I either stand awkwardly alone and hope someone comes up and to say hi or look for things to do to occupy myself. So please save us from awkward social situations by giving us something to do when we walk in the door.

7. Ask yourself if you have feelings for your friend, assuming you’re not family. I mean you read this long list for a reason…

Say what now? Well it might just be the endless re-runs of Christmas movies talking, but yes. If you’ve been secretly harbouring feelings for them like forever, yet never had the courage to tell them - now’s the time to tell them. It’s Christmas, take a chance and be happy. Then you can throw out the list above, cause you may not need it anymore.

It’s the universal truth that women tend to underestimate how much their male friends are into them. While men overestimate how much the girl is into them and just assume they know. If you don’t say something, how are they supposed to know?

So there you have it, ways to support your single friend and some love advice at the end; I think I did the impossible. Till February 2021!