The Micro-Inequities that Destroy Morale and How to Overcome Them (Part 2)
By: James Mcintosh
Tags: Unconscious Bias, Prejudice, Discrimination, Nonsenseatwork, Bullying

Part 2: How to Turn a Micro Hurt Into a Macro Boost

(Go here for Part 1: The Macro Impact of Micro Hurts)

Why Not Outlaw Micro-Inequities at Work?

Beware of triggering malicious compliance. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

Organizations thrive on policies and procedures, rules and regulations, so why don’t we use legislation to ban all micro-inequities? Because… you cannot instruct people to stop doing things that they might not even be aware that they are doing! Ignorance of the law is no excuse, but tell me, how do you legislate against the unconsciousness?

Maybe you can think of more reasons, but here is my primary reason why we should not ban micro-inequities. The law of unintended consequences. What unintended consequence can you expect if you try to legislate against micro-inequities? Compliance!

Excuse me? Isn’t compliance exactly what we want? I don’t think so, because what you will get is a practice known as malicious compliance. Strictly speaking, there is nothing wrong with doing exactly what the boss demands. If you try to outlaw micro-inequities, what are you demanding? Super politeness! Frosty, up-tight, stiff-upper-lip, politically correct, you name it. Is that what you really want? And is that sort of behavior not just another type of micro-inequity?

The best we can aim for and hope for is that micro-inequities will reduce in number and in impact as people become more aware of them, as more people take part in programs designed to surface unconscious attitudes and behaviors.

Talking about awareness, please be aware of this. Because this article has made you aware of micro-inequities, you are going to see more of them everywhere you turn. It’s like what happens when you are researching a new car you want to buy. Suddenly you see them everywhere. (Or how you react when the house creaks after you have watched a horror movie.) You are now likely to experience micro-inequities frequently until the novelty wears off.

Try not to become hypersensitive. Hypersensitivity can lead to two behaviors that we definitely don’t want to encourage: over-reaction and under-reaction. Don’t hyperventilate every time you sense a micro-inequity. Nor should you become numb and robotic. Recognize a micro-inequity for what it is, call it out if you want to, and use every opportunity to promote better behavior.

You’ve been hit! Now what?

You can flee, fight, or parley. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

Because we cannot outlaw micro-inequities, always be ready to catch one. And if you catch one, if you are the victim, then you own the micro-inequity. It’s yours. So what do you do with it?

You have three ways of responding. You can flee, you can fight, or you can parley. If you can think of another response, please let me know. Did I hear “shrugged it off” or “ignore it”? I classify those two under flight. But you won’t flee for long. Let me explain why.

When we feel that we have been treated unfairly, which is how a micro-inequity makes us feel, then it is our nature to want to do something about it. We want to get even, to get our own back. We might not plan it or even be consciously aware of planning it, but we will want to retaliate. So we retreat to fight another day.

Fight is not really an option. First, if you are willing to fight a superior in the hierarchy, then you either have a loyal backer even higher up or you have another job lined up. If a junior person dared to pitch a micro-inequity at you, what then? You would swat him back into his box. That’s what a hierarchy is for. And what if a colleague is the perpetrator? Often a simple “Hey, cut it out!” or “Excuse me!” will do the trick.

Admit it. What really stops you fighting a superior who lobbed a micro-inequity at you is… fear. What is the golden rule when fear stalks the workplace? Don’t be the one to mess up, don’t be the one to cause trouble, don’t be the one to irritate those in power. That’s why you will apply the Law of Two Feet. You will walk away. You will flee.

As I have pointed out, fleeing, or if you prefer, walking away with your head held high, will not wipe the slate clean. The micro-inequity will brood and fester. Soon you will plot your revenge. But you cannot retaliate openly. If you could have, you would have already done so. Instead, you go underground. You engage in some form of inappropriate behavior to confront the problem indirectly.

Indirect confrontation is quite common in organizations. It’s called passive-aggressive behavior. Blame it on the unequal distribution of power. Passive-aggressive behavior stems from a perceived lack of power and a feeling of powerlessness when interacting with someone perceived to be more powerful.

A flight or fight response is natural for many of us. The trick is to be aware enough of these knee-jerk reactions so you can decide consciously when flight is right, when fight is okay, and when talking it out is better. Once you make flight and fight a matter of conscious choice, when you know you have the power to flee or fight if you so choose, then you are, paradoxically, better able to negotiate. So let’s now parley about parley.

The most important thing to remember about parley is to parley with purpose. If you are going to stand up for yourself, be clear on the outcome you want. Yes, an apology would be nice, but is that really what you want in the long run? Surely, what you want is for that person to to stop using micro-inequities. You are seeking to change behavior. But this puts you on thin ice. If you approach this the wrong way, you will face a defensive person or an angry person. Most likely you will face an angry, defensive person. How high do you rate your chances of success? Time to flee!

Wait. You can do this without triggering an angry, defensive response. Here’s the key. The devil is always in the details. So start off by being abstract before you become specific. For example, it is much better to say “when people do…” rather than to say “what you just did there…” Choosing when to be abstract and when to be specific can help you create a constructive vibe. Here’s how. It is possible to find something general to agree on with almost anyone. Find something general in what just happened that you can both agree on. It could be nothing more than that you have differences of opinion and want to understand both perspectives. Once you have shown that there is something you both agree on, despite your differences, then you have paved the way to agree on something more specific.

Finally, stay in control, at least of yourself. Recognize that throughout your parley session there will be moments when you will want to flee (your feet will want to run away with you) and moments when you will want to fight (your tongue will want to run away with you). Let these feelings go. Remind yourself that levels of rapport tend to fluctuate. These fluctuations do not mean failure. So whatever you do, don’t get hotter. Stay cool. (And good luck with that.)

You’ve Been Accused! Now what?

You can deny it, ignore it, or discuss it. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

If someone accuses you of firing off a micro-inequity at them, what should you do? Yes, yes, saying sorry is good, but not good enough. Insincere, unfaithful politicians show us just how useless an apology can be. So think again. What are your options if a micro-inequity hits you? Fight, flee, or parley. If you are the perpetrator, then the same applies. You can deny it, you can ignore it, or you can discuss it.

Obviously, it is better to discuss it. So try this. Don’t become defensive and don’t attack. Don’t react by making a statement. Don’t say things that try to put the blame on the accuser, like “you must have misunderstood me.” Always respond with a question. Make the question relevant to the incident. Don’t use a question to change the subject. (In fact, that is a macro-inequity!)

It is often best to ask why questions. For example, “why do you feel that way?” If you ask it correctly (i.e. sincerely), it should create the opportunity for mutual learning and understanding. Why did I say if you ask it correctly? Because, as you know, there are ways of asking why that could be interpreted as an entire box of micro-inequities. Try it. Ask why and roll your eyes. Ask why and glare at your accuser. Ask why and open your eyes wide in mock surprise, as if to imply “Me?”

Ask why neutrally and sincerely. It’s not that difficult. Try it. And then apologize. After you eat humble pie, what then? Show how well you now understand what you did wrong. Offer an idea of how you could have behaved more appropriately. Explain how, from now on, you will attempt to pay more attention to these little things that can hurt so much. Stress the word ‘attempt’ because in doing so you remind your victim that because these acts are often unconscious, they will be difficult to stop altogether.

Feel the Micro Good

Don’t hand out shiny trophies to people for being civil. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

A micro-inequity can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (A self-fulfilling prophecy happens when you hold a false belief concerning a future event which then comes true because you changed your behavior in line with the belief.) Let’s ask Eliza Doolittle, the flower girl in George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion, or from the movie My Fair Lady, to explain it. Here Eliza complains to Colonel Pickering about the way Professor Higgins treats her:

The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated. I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.

People often sense what behavior is expected of them and unwittingly behave accordingly. Treat me consistently as if I don’t matter enough to deserve equal justice and fairness and I might end up believing you, which will cause me to behave in a way that triggers more injustice and unfairness from you.

Thankfully, the opposite can also easily happen. Or can be engineered. Mary Rowe knew this. She described the opposite of micro-inequities as “tiny acts of opening doors to opportunity, gestures of inclusion and caring, graceful acts of listening, in practicing generosity, in consistently giving credit to others.” She called these micro-affirmations. Some people use the term micro-advantages instead of micro-affirmations. I prefer the term micro-boost. Why? Because a micro-boost is just big enough to overcome any friction, but not so big as to become a big deal that will be remembered at bonus time, if you know what I mean.

Don’t assume that simply being nice to someone qualifies as a micro-boost. Look at it this way. If your boss is nice to you, will that boost your self-confidence in your abilities, boost your performance in a way that increases your productivity and effectiveness, boost your commitment and loyalty? I think not. It might boost your self-esteem for a moment, but in the long run, being able to do good work is more about self-respect.

The point I want to stress is this. If you are too free and easy with your little positive messages, and if you make them general rather than specific, we will see you as insincere. We will think you hand out shiny trophies to people just for showing up. Most people know that showing up is the first step to keeping a job. So don’t patronize them. That would be a big micro-inequity.

Keep in mind that you do not have to like people to treat them fairly and with dignity. And what if you dislike someone? Well, we all have to fake it a little sometimes in the name of civility and getting the job done. Faking it a little is socially acceptable. However, never fake it to where you feel your values are being compromised.

How to Make Micro-Inequities Work for Us

The power of diversity? (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

Do you think we can find some value in micro-inequities? Maybe micro-inequities present opportunities to create a more sensitive environment. Not sensitive as in ‘ouch!’, but sensitive as in ‘empathetic’. Or better yet, sensitive as in responsive. A responsive environment where tricky things can be addressed without fake politeness or political correctness, where people feel free to react quickly and constructively to new ideas, opportunities and threats.

Spotting a micro-inequity is an opportunity to become fair and authentic. Remember, the aim is not to treat everyone exactly the same, but to treat them fairly. Furthermore, every micro-inequity that you turn into a parley, a constructive interchange, will boost the effectiveness of diversity. (If you think that diversity is another super-charged word, then use the word variety, as in variety is the spice of life. After all, that is what diversity brings.)

Here’s why diversity and variety matter. What happens if your organization is a place without diversity, a place of sameness? At best, it becomes a place where those who do think differently, learn to conform. At worst, it becomes staffed with like-minded people inclined towards pre-judgement and prejudice. We have a place where the person who critically assesses ideas is labeled an obstructionist; where the one who speaks the truth is undiplomatic; where the expert hired for her knowledge is told that we’ve always done it this way; and where the one who agrees with us and tells us what we like to hear is promoted. What hilarious nonsense! Except it’s not funny when you make stupid decisions because others are unwilling to speak up and against.

Charles Darwin wrote that when they reached the islands around Cape Horn, the local people ignored his ship, The Beagle. Why? Because as a group the islanders believed that something that big could not float, therefore it did not exist. This illustrates a dilemma that all team leaders face. If your team members share a common perception of reality, then they will communicate easier. However, this increases the risk that, as a group, they will make the same perceptual errors. In other words, if we see the same things out there, then we might find it easier to understand one another. But we are likely to ignore the same threats and miss the same opportunities. (It’s called groupthink.)

A word of warning. You might believe in diversity and you might practice color diversity. But do you have social diversity, cultural diversity? Above all, do you have mind-set diversity?

Herewith a Micro-Summary of Micro-Inequities

Always pay attention to context, context, context. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)

What is a micro-inequity? Whatever you think is a little unjust or unfair.

Who does it? All of us, but mostly those more powerful than us.

Who is it done to? Anybody, but mostly people weaker than us.

How is it done? Infinite number of (subtle) ways.

When is it done? Any time and all the time.

Why is it done? Who knows? Intimidation? Discrimination? Irritation? Insensitivity? Stupidity?

Why does it matter? It ultimately results in less for all. Less morale, less productivity, less effectiveness, less success.

The answers above are pretty unspecific. That is exactly the problem with micro-inequities. There is only one way to make any sense of this. Always pay attention to the three most important elements: context, context, context.

You cannot decide whether you experienced or witnessed a micro-inequity unless you consider the context. A micro-inequity experienced in one environment might not be felt in a different setting. And you must always consider how everyone is treated, not only how one person is treated. Equity is about fairness and justice for all. A micro-inequity is a micro-inequity because it is selective and specific to one person.

You’re a leader. What should you do next?

Take two micro steps for macro impact. (free public domain: clipart-people.com)