How Do I Come Out?
Tags: Life Lessons, Transgender, Family, LGBTQ, Equality

How do I come out to my parents?

HELP! I need to come out to my parents, but I don’t know how. What if they reject me?

How do I tell my friends I’m gay/trans/lesbian/nonbinary/ect?

Questions about coming out are asked every day. Many are terrified of revealing such a vulnerable part of them to their family and friends. They have every right to be scared with all of the anti-LGBTQ news stories plastered all over social media.

Kids, teens, and young adults are kicked out of their homes for being LGBTQ. Children are forced into brutal conversion camps. People are pushed out of their families, bullied, and met with nothing but hostility.

Kids are bullied at school and isolated. Discrimination makes getting a job or place to live 10x harder. With all of the possible negative outcomes, how could someone not be afraid of coming out?

There isn’t a right way to do it.

Every situation is different. There isn’t a “right time” or a “right place.” If you’re constantly waiting for the right time, you’ll look up and realize you’ve been waiting for 40+ years.

However, there are a couple of different ways to attack the situation. Just because there isn’t a perfect time or an instruction manual on how to come out doesn’t mean there isn’t a smart way to go about it.

Safety is the top priority.

If you believe you might get kicked out or if the situation could turn violent, coming out right now might not be an option. That’s okay too. You don’t have to be ashamed to stay in the “closet.” If that’s the safest option, do not put your life in jeopardy.

Recon work beforehand is always a good idea. Do you know how they feel about the LGBTQ community in general already? Do you know how they feel about your particular part of the community?

If you don’t, you might want to try casually bringing up a news story to see their reaction. However, don’t pick a story you’re too emotionally invested in or one that stresses you out like an ongoing court case. Instead, pick a happy one or a light topic. This way you avoid unintentionally causing an argument.

Plan it out.

One of the best ways to fight anxiety and nerves is to have a plan. Deciding on what you might say beforehand could help calm your nerves.

You can write it all down to help clear your mind and allow you to find the main points you want to focus on. Don’t be afraid to bring these notes with you to the talk, and don’t worry if you need to look at them. This is an emotional moment and a huge step. You can’t possibly remember every little thing you rehearsed in your head.

If you’re not comfortable talking, print out some articles and have them read them over. That’s what I did when I came out to my grandmother when I was 12. I printed out some articles about Gender Identity Disorder, and I sat beside her on the bed while she read them. After she was done reading, we talked about it.

Follow your heart.

There’s only so much planning you can do for a talk like this. At the end of the day, you’re talking about how you feel and how you see yourself. Nobody will ever know that better than you.

Don’t be afraid to ditch your notes. It doesn’t have to be a speech or a sales pitch. You also don’t have to ambush them with a truckload of information at one time. The more things you throw at them, the less likely they’ll be able to process it. Start with how you feel and how you identify yourself and then leave the door open for questions about whatever else.

Remember that your life is your own.

No matter the outcome, it’s crucial to remember that you only have to live for one person and that’s yourself. However they feel or whether they choose to support you or not is on them, but you only get the one life you have right now.

Nobody is worth living in the closet. Nobody is worth hiding such a big part of yourself. Coming out should be on your terms when you’re ready.

Take a deep breath. You’ve got this!