5 Things You Should Know About Sex Writers
By: Jada Mikel
Tags: Writing, Relationships, Sexuality, Advice, Work

5 Things You Should Know About Sex Writers

Clearing up common misconceptions

Photo by Richard Jaimes on Unsplash

I got an email some days ago from a fellow writer. She asked what it was like to be a writer who specializes in writing about sex. It was a sensitive question because it felt like she was honest — she wrote on how she had been wanting to fix her niche on sexuality but didn’t have the courage to. It was expected because being a sex writer is not an easy task especially when it comes to criticism.

In the past, I’ve gotten emails that screamed criticism — hurtful ones that stabbed me in the bones, heart, and brain, but for some reason, I kept writing. I simply put out my email because I wanted to know what people had to say about my part-time career. I write about sex because I like it.

But, that’s not what everyone thinks. They think sex writers, all including erotica writers write because we’re obsessed and addicted psychos who do nothing but have sex all day. As expected, because of this thought, rude advancements are made.

Yes, I have gotten roasted for loving what I do, both on Medium and social media, I have been called a whore writer a couple of times by people who discovered my personal blog. I’m well aware that I’m not the only writer who faces such slurs. At the same time, I have been commended for my works, and have continued to love what I do regardless.

However, I wrote this to clear up some misconceptions about sex writers:

1. Sex writers are not sex-addicted psychos

This particular disrespectful phrase was the subject of an email I received regarding an article I wrote about anal sex and prostate massage. In the minds of a few people, sex writers are freaks who have sex all day. It’s a wrong thought.

Yes, sex writers write about sex for a living — many of which make a decent amount because of the demand rate. Still, before sex writers are writers, they are people first. This means they have lives, and jobs and have sex when they want to. Not because sex writers are accustomed to having sex or are sex addicts, but because they are normal people who live normal lives regardless of their career.

I have self-published books in the past where I love my characters so much that I create them to be perfect, both erotica writers and writers who deal solely with sex and relationship advice have that word in common — love. So, sex writers are not sex-addicted freaks who just want to write about sex because of some cheap reason for being horny, they do it because they love it.

2. Sex writers have families and relationships

Sex writers are not any different from writers. They go about their daily activities, write in the study room, or at work, and come back home to meet their spouse. Stereotypes that go around convincing people that sex writers are so much into sex that it is so hard to have a family or relationship are totally disrespectful.

Many sex writers including myself have relationships, not situation-ships. They date for a long time frame and coexist happily. Many are married with kids, some are divorced, and some are single parents. In other words, just the way we see it for normal people, it’s the same way for sex writers.

Although some sex writers don’t get supported by their acquaintances, some are blessed with people who support them. Those who are influencers and affiliate marketers of sex products like vibrators do have the opportunity of testing them out with their partners before review.

3. Sex writers aren’t always kinky

Kinky sex and BDSM is a sensitive topic and because most sex writers write about it, people think kinky is what the writer is all about. There are times when sex writers are completely okay with the issue of kinkiness, trying it out, and connecting with a partner with the same views.

There are also times when sex is just sex. All sex writers are not wholly kinky. This idea has gotten to the point where people think it’s okay to mess with a writer during one-night stands or even relationships by being rough without permission.

4. Sex writers are not always down for sex

There is a certain woman in the Sex Education series; Jean Milburn — Otis's mom, she’s a person who’s usually open to talk about sex and give honest advice about it — you can call her a sex therapist. Most sex writers have the characteristics of this character when it comes to their daily lives.

I’ve had friends compliment me for being utterly open about sex discussions. To me, I feel comfortable talking about sex because, to be honest, it’s not a forbidden topic. When I talk, I educate.

Nonetheless, It has come to a point where people don’t respect boundaries. They try to explore my privacy, assuming I’m always down, ready, dirty for sex. That mentality is outright wrong. I know a lot of writer friends who have gotten calls, emails, and messages on social media of sex advancements and sometimes declaration of threats.

The truth is, talking about sex doesn’t make sex writers available for sex. And assuming so is outright disrespectful.

5. Sex writers don’t always orgasm during sex

Writing about advice on how to take sex to a better level is one of the most written because of the high demand. High demand means there are a lot of people out there who have problems with their sex life and are willing to see what they can do to improve it. A lot of people including sex writers.

Sex writers don’t always have perfect relationships and sex partners. They also aren’t perfect when it comes to sex, a sex writer isn’t always a sexologist either. Sex writers are people who put their words out there to help both themselves and people in terms of sex.

Positively writing about sex and orgasm has made a fair number of people think all sex writers are so good with sex that it’s impossible to not have an orgasm. No, sex writers don’t always orgasm during sex. It’s just the same for them as it is for people. Sometimes, sex is good, sometimes, it isn’t.