Loving my highly sensitive self
By: Jess Strunk
Tags: Confidence, Highly Sensitive People, Yoga, Womens Health, Self Love

Understanding what it means to love myself allows me to hold space for other highly sensitive women as a therapeutic Yoga teacher and holistic wellness coach.

A few years ago, I decided to completely derail the path my life had been on and start all over from the ground up.

This wasn’t necessarily unusual for me as I’ve had several “deaths” and rebirths in this life.. But this one was different.

Up until then, I had been subconsciously putting everything and everyone before myself.

I was a living breathing doormat with low self-esteem.

Sure, my life probably looked idyllic from the outside: I was travelling the world, I had a successful career in the yachting industry, and I was making great money.

But I was lost and lonely for myself as I ran away from from my past traumas.

I had always been a people pleaser and now my actual job was to make sure people were pleased - fellow crew and guests. Focusing so much of my energy on others, I lost touch with myself and what I wanted out of life.

I felt like a chameleon — absorbing and adapting to everyone else’s interests, energies, wants and needs.

I was stuck feeling undervalued, like my full potential was limited, and like I had to hide my true nature in order to be accepted.

I was caught in a cycle of burnout, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, deep resentment and frustration.. I felt all of this so deeply that I often turned to alcohol to numb it out and shove it all down.

I tried to add meaning and purpose into my life while working (what is to me) a meaningless job by exploring my own interests in my time off. I attended Yoga teacher trainings, a permaculture course, and I studied holistic nutrition. I dreamed of contributing to the world and making a difference, but I didn’t believe in myself or my abilities enough to try.

My wake up call came in the form of a wildly inappropriate moment with a captain I was working with.

He screamed at me on the bow of the sailboat we worked on, saying everyone could feel my resentment, my unhappiness, my self-pity. He told me to start speaking up for myself, to advocate for my needs, to stop pretending. Inappropriate or not, his message hit home.

I couldn’t keep going like this.

I made a commitment to myself: I needed to do the work of healing from my past traumas and learn how to love and accept myself as I am. I was ready to see and feel my worth beyond what I could give to other people. I wanted to build confidence and live life on my own terms. I left the industry and my final toxic relationship behind as I opened my heart to all possibilities.

After that, I took a leap and spent a summer studying Yoga Therapy with a group of people that I now consider family. Slowly my wounds began to heal and I was reminded how to have fun and enjoy spontaneity.. without the constant looming presence of anxiety. Most importantly, I learned what it really means to love myself — just as I am.

Here are the secrets to my newfound radical self-love and unshakeable confidence explained in 3 steps:

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

1. You gotta slow down, gal!

Seriously my friend, do yourself a kindness and let go of some obligations. As a HSP you’re always processing everything so deeply and your nervous system is best supported by a slower pace in life. In honoring your need for a slower pace, you clear space for your own self-discovery. You need to be the world’s top expert on YOU. Discover what you need to be happy, safe and healthy — in mind, body and soul. Try taking up a journaling practice and let it all out.

As with nurturing any meaningful relationship, you have to spend quality time with yourself. Believe me, I know space and time alone can be uncomfortable. A lot of HSPs have high functioning anxiety and a history of trauma.. so our minds can be our own worst enemies. This is why it’s important to take the time to nurture and explore what’s going on there. Yes, I’m saying that in order to move beyond the traumas you have to face them, sit with them, and move through them. As they say in Buddhist teachings, “you have to feel it to heal it”.

While you’re slowing down, take up some practices to support your healing process and reconnect to the wisdom of your body. When we continuously ignore the body’s signals — over time, we become disconnected from the body. You need to feel what’s going on in the body in order to know what it needs. I recommend embodiment practices that help you tune into your body’s sensations and feel safe in your body— like therapeutic Yoga, dancing, sound healing, grounding rituals, breathwork and mindfulness meditation. With time and practice, you can learn how to get out of your headspace and rekindle your relationship to yourself — through the body’s wisdom.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

2. Start setting boundaries with yourself

Believe me, boundaries were a new concept to me not too long ago.. but I can’t over emphasize how much they have changed my life. The thing is, it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who lacks boundaries. Read that again. In order to develop a healthy relationship with yourself, you need to learn how to respect your own boundaries and limitations. They are yours alone to set and reinforce and in doing so.. you advocate for your right to feel safe, happy and healthy.

People pleasing comes naturally to a lot of sensitives — we are naturally attuned to the needs and wants of others. Wherever it comes from, people pleasing behavior is a display of poor boundaries. The hard truth is that this need and desire to be liked and perceived well by others over all else comes from a lack of self-esteem. Ouch, I know. Ok, so how do you build up your self-esteem? Show yourself that you care by setting boundaries with yourself!

Remember in step 1, I suggested that you slow down and become the top expert on YOU — The boundary work is in making choices that are in your own best interest, especially when it’s not easy to do. It means learning to say NO and sticking to it. This requires you to put yourself and your own needs first and it’s likely going to be uncomfortable at first. Every time you advocate for yourself, you subconsciously reinforce your worthiness. To learn more about feeling and building your boundaries from the inside out, check out my Sacred + Loving Boundaries masterclass.

Photo by Elmer Cañas on Unsplash

3. Practice the art of relaxation

Maybe like me you’ve been told to “suck it up” when you’re overworked and burned out. The thing is, the body needs ample relaxation time in addition to a good night’s sleep in order to function properly. It’s an essential part of your wellness, so start treating it as such. Relaxation allows us to calm the nervous system, ease tension in the body, and properly digest and heal. With adequate rest, we are more productive, creative, focused and alert. Most importantly: we can access fun, joy and spontaneity.

This is extra important for HSPs as we have finely tuned nervous systems — which are always absorbing and taking in stimuli. While we excel at noticing patterns and details, this superpower also makes us more susceptible to overwhelm and exhaustion. I know it’s easy to get sucked into feeling like this is a curse, but if you reimagine your lifestyle a little bit you’ll be able to access your gifts more readily. Yes, we may need to rest a bit more to recover after a long day at work.. but try reframing this recovery time as your essential sacred time to connect to yourself.

I recommend having several tools/rituals for grounding handy for preventing overwhelm and also for recovering when you do experience it. Spending time with nature is our best medicine, but I also enjoy sense therapies like binaural beats, incense/essential oils, looking at pleasing art, and epsom salt baths. Try some restorative Yoga practices, grounding meditations and centering breath into your week as well. Maybe you have some hobbies that help you connect to your calm center. Nurture your passions, your bliss and your interests. Do things for your own care unapologetically, every single day and your self-love will naturally blossom.

What’s next?

Are you a highly sensitive woman who knows in her heart that something needs to change?

Are you ready to reclaim your self-love and self-confidence?

Request to join my free facebook community, Soulful, Sensitive, + Strong : Yoga + Wellness for Highly Sensitive Women for free trainings and the support of a positive community full of women like you.