The Baby’s NOT for Sale!
By: Mallory Lau
Tags: Parenting, Baby, Parenting Toddlers, Siblings, Parenting Advice

A new baby is a big deal. It creates a huge shift in the family dynamic. Young children will need guidance during this time. Here’s how to help them cope.

Discuss the arrival of the baby often. The closer the due date, the more conversations you should be having with your child about the baby’s arrival and the changes that will be occurring. Books are really helpful tools during this time. I’ve noticed that describing my own siblings (with pictures) and pointing out other siblings that the child knows can help them understand their new position in the family. Show your child pictures of themselves as babies and tell them stories about what they were like when they were younger. Perhaps, pose information in the form of questions. For example you could say, “Do you think Baby will be able to walk or do you think they will need to be carried a lot?” or “Do you think Baby will be able to talk and tell us what’s wrong or do you think they will just cry?” That way, your child will not only understand, but hopefully accept that the baby will need to be carried often and will cry to communicate. Preparing your child with what to expect will help them accept all the new changes once the baby arrives.

When introducing the baby, it is suggested that you do not hold the baby. Instead, have the baby in a car seat, crib, or another neutral space. Your child has likely missed you and will want to be held by you. Allow your child to have contact with the baby, but don’t force it if they are uninterested. Many people recommend giving your child a gift from the baby and some have taken their child shopping to find a gift for the baby as well. It is also a good idea to buy and wrap gifts for your child in case any visitors bring gifts for just the baby. Visitors who focus solely on the baby, may stir jealousy in your child. Nip it in the bud by praising your child’s (soccer/artistic/singing) talents and how they can teach these skills to the baby. Include your child as much as possible. Have them choose the baby’s clothes/pacifier/books. Ask them why the baby is crying and try to figure it out together. Again, don’t force it if they are uninterested. They will eventually build a relationship, but your child may not be ready yet.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings and let them know that you understand, but do not downplay the baby’s importance. To help your child cope, try your best to keep their routine the same. A new baby is a difficult transitional period for your child. Therefore, it should be the only major transition during that time. To the best of your ability, keep everything else the same. Potty-training, transitioning from crib to bed, or any major change should be completed well before the baby’s arrival or it can begin a few months after. Even with just one change, your child may test you for attention. Remember to reward and praise helpful behavior. They may also start to regress. It’s fine if they want to crawl, but discourage behaviors like being fed or going back to diapers (if potty-trained). Highlight all the awesome things they can do as big kids (ie. scooter, race, eat solids, big kid toys etc). Sort through toys and allocate some as the baby’s toys, some as shared toys, and some that are just your child’s. Your child is accustomed to having all their toys to themselves. Sharing everything all at once can be difficult. Allow them to keep some toys and books for themselves and they will feel more secure. One-on-one time is also crucial to your child’s sense of security. They need to know that you will still have time for them and that you still love them. Carve out 15 minutes of your day, every day, to spend with your child. It will give them a sense of normalcy and make them feel loved.