Sometimes I feel like I just want to scream.
By: The Promethean Maverick
Tags: Constraints, Free, Thoughts, Life, Zen

Sometimes I feel like I just want to scream. Scream into the peace of the night. Amidst the sleeping beds made alive by their dreams in the wonderlands of their fantasies... Or horrors. They can be wonderful too. I don't think about all this when I want to scream but do so in retrospect. Why is it then that I think of doing it instead of doing it? Life after all is truly a set of constraints one lives by. Start with being born, pre school, school, college, job, marriage, kids, grandkids, death. Here's the broad outline they set for you. Are you an outlier? They compare you to the norm. If you're "above" them, then yes you are an outlier. A person who went beyond the norm and focused on his/her passion breaking a few constraints of life along the way. Sacrifices. Maybe a luxurious life, a social life, a trendy culture, something? Anything. And why was that? Because that constraint of the norm just don't register in his or her "defected" brain. A brain that forced one's true self to be out.

And then come all these people who meditate and try to rise above the norm. Looping back to how life should have been after realizing how life should have been not. Witnessing these petty people stuck in their containt bubbles of life unable to even accept the fact that there exists a constrained part of life. And even if they are aware, they think they are by reading about it. For example, what you are reading now? But then are you. Truly. Aware? Deja vu? Read the last few sentences again.

So what does one do to break out of this constraint? And lo and behold, you make it a fragment of your imagination - what if? Ofcourse then there are certain leaks here and there - the outcasts, the robbers, the thieves, the murderers, the terrorist. Their plans, their agendas, their vision, their goals. Is that then what it is to be human? Nah, I think it's just an anti constraint. A brain stuck to fight that constraint belived to be out of that set but rather stuck in the complement of that set and thus truly never out. But let's say what if we were. No constraints. No possessions. No culture. No social animal. Just animal. I'm not really sure why we use that word for even animals live by certain constraints. Ofcourse, not as rigorous as ours. More to suit their level of intelligence.

So what if I just shout in the middle of the night amidst a sleeping society? What if I bang that particular head against the wall that I have been staring at for so long? What if I stop pondering over what if and actually start doing it? People put into mental institutions seem to be a part of these "glitched out" constraints. But then also lies there a part of uncertainity. A part of non concious effort to result proportion of the action that the person performs before this repetitively odd or odd behaviour is caught and the individual is claimed "mentally ill".

Yeah I know my writing here seems kind of odd but then I didn't know how to encapsulate what I was thinking by modifying and flowering it. Thus here lies forth your eyes raw text straight from my mind. Just like an unnatural natural phenomenon of a human brain. But then is this what I am writing or what I have been forced to write by the constraint that is me in itself a constraint or do I write this statement so that you think it is even though it's not? Deja vu? Read the last few sentences again.