How To Thrive As A Poet
By: Pretheesh Presannan
Tags: Life Lessons, Writers On Medium, Humor, Satire, Advice

HUMOR

How To Thrive As A Poet

A million-dollar tip to thrive as a poet on medium and in life

Photo by Zhang Kenny on Unsplash

I guess this tip mostly applies to male poets, although this should not stop you from taking the advice for being a female.

Marry a writer who writes self-improvement articles, especially if they (he/she) write often about ‘How to make $100000’ on Medium, then go for it.

The advantage here is you get to live out your authentic lazy nature with random inspirations here and there to write down a 5 line poem and enjoy that lifestyle, while your partner can take care of your living expenses.

After all, it does not even take 5% of your partner's monthly earnings for you to have a jolly life.

You can stop worrying about the next day’s meals and enjoy being in the present today and joyfully immerse yourself in your creative activities.

You might have to put up with some shaming from society or even your partner at times. Hey, but who cares as long as you get to live your limited lifetime in peace. After all, we will all be dead and forgotten.

You do not have to bend and force yourself anymore to write stories on how to make followers or money just for the sake of attracting readers. Instead, you can relish in your creative writings without being stressed about whether people care to read or not.

You can stop wasting time on making fake friendships on Facebook to get your stories read, instead, you can wander mindlessly watching the clouds and people in the street.

But beware that your partner won't always allow you to just blissfully pass your happy-lazy days. They might ask you to promote their work on social media pages instead of passing time curiously watching the movements of the lizard on the wall or day-dreaming.

You might have to compromise a bit and put up with the demands of your partner. But still, in whatever way it is looked at, as far as you are concerned you are winning. So be grateful and grow up a bit.

It is not your fault that you are a poet, but it is your responsibility to make sure your partner does not dump you. So make sure you do not get on their nerves by asking them silly questions like ‘Why do you work so hard?’ or ‘Do we need this much money?’ etc, instead just shut the fuck up, and let them do what they want.

Do not interrupt while your partner is conducting a Facebook live. Do not expose your weirdness and insult their followers. Play with the cat or whatever, but do not interrupt. It is for your own good.

Pretend that you like to read books on productivity, habits, etc.

Learn to make good coffee. This one is a must. Possibly the only way you can impress your money-making writer partner.

Also, have some fucking self-discipline. At least just pretend like you are a morning person for awhile. Missed a day and woke up at noon? Forget looking for your partner in the fridge so absent-mindedly, she had disappeared from your life. You will find a new story from your partner on medium with the title: How I Dumped That A$$#0le For Good.

This is possibly the best way to be a self-helping poet. So dear poets, do yourself a favor. go find those writers and begin with writing nice responses to their stories. Don’t say you are shy and all those excuses; you have to choose between shyness or a possible jackpot.

Good Luck!

An amateur is an artist who supports himself with outside jobs which enable him to paint. A professional is someone whose wife works to enable him to paint. — Ben Shahn

A fun poem: