Stretch Marks: Turn On or Turn Off?
By: Gal Mux
Tags: Body Positive, Sex, Stretch Marks, Essay, Body Image

Photo by poszarobert on Pixabay

Stretch Marks: Turn On or Turn Off?

We want to bed a sexy, flawless skinned, perfect, firm bodied, hot to the core lover with the best libido, sexual rhythm, and energy.

But we humans are made to be perfectly imperfect. We are as flawed as they come. And our diverse likes and dislikes about our imperfections is something to be celebrated because what one might consider a flaw, maybe someone else’s ultimate turn-on.

The beauty of life is, there is someone for everyone, a friend constantly points out to me.

Stretch marks affect women more than men according to medicalnews.com. They also mostly appear in the teenage years and during pregnancy due to the sudden weight gain and weight loss. Sudden fluctuations in weight can also come about from the effects of illnesses, or changes in diets and physical activity.

I gained my very first stretch marks around my ass, hips, and legs during my teenage years. I hated them!

I began buying my first stretch marks removal creams at fifteen. They didn’t work! It was frustrating!

At 19 after I lost weight from an illness, they increased a hundredfold. I hated them! Over the years as I added and lost weight in the journey of my life they became even more visible. And I hated them even more!

They made me feel ugly and self-conscious. They inhibited what I could wear and made me feel not beautiful and not sexy. When I undressed particularly in front of someone, they made me feel shy.

The beauty industry made it worse.

They filled magazines and television with their brand of women that they promoted to be ideal. They highlighted perfection and flawlessness, marketing wonder creams that never seemed to work and/or were above my then price range.

Whenever I would make a new friend and we would talk about our insecurities, I always mentioned my stretch marks.

I would envy and to be honest, even get jealous of the women I met that didn’t have them.

Seeing them on others wasn’t reassuring at all! I wasn’t looking for a sisterhood brought together by our embracing of or loathing for stretch marks. I just didn’t want them on me.

Online resources didn’t seem to help me either. The topic was not thoroughly explored. At least from the angles that would be best beneficial for me and my insecurities.

“Where were you when you were having these things?” A man I was dating asked me once while having sex. Implying I should have been keen enough to ensure that they never had appeared on my skin in the first place.

“How do you even have them and you are so skinny?” Is another thing I was asked.

He would often list the women he had had sex with that didn’t have them. I didn’t take offense. You either like something or you don’t. Even if I didn’t like to hear it, as far as I was concerned, they never prevented him from wanting me, and they never prevented him from getting a hard-on or climaxing whenever he was having sex with me.

I preferred to have sex with the lights off, under dim lights, or covered for the most part. Daylight sex was a complete ‘NO’ for a very long time. I didn’t want to put my ugly on full display.

Years later, he apologised for nagging me about them. He had never seemed to realise how insensitive he was being and what he had been doing to me all this time.

None of the other men that saw me naked ever commented on them. Even though I could tell from some of their micro-expressions that they didn’t necessarily fancy them.

Until I met this one guy!

“ Why do you hide them from me?” He asked after he noticed how self-conscious I was. “I love them. Never hide them from me.”

I was liberated!

He did not know what he had just done for me! He freed me. From that day onwards my attitude changed.

Having sex with him from then on was wonderful. One of the best sexual experiences of my life so far. He would feel my stretch marks, insist on seeing them, and would trace them with his fingers as we cuddled after lovemaking or when lazying around.

I loved it! He had turned my worst insecurity into a wonderful, blissful sexual, and empowering experience.

Now I rock them. Not with full pride of course because I was initially socialised to see them as flaws, and because I see others without them rocking, but in a way, no one can bring me down because of them. Especially now that I know there is someone out there who is crazy about them.

I may be expecting more stretch marks when I get to carry children. Even though I will work hard by applying all the creams I can get my hands on to ensure I prevent more from appearing, I will not kill myself for it if they appear like I had been doing all those years.

That’s my story.

Photo by Joe deSousa on Unsplash

As usual, because I never like to rely only on what I think I know, I asked a few of my friends their opinions about stretch marks and whether they are a turn on or turn off for them.

This is what they said.

Mus */ M / 41

They are very normal. Women actually take stretch marks as ugly, but honestly, I have never felt any resentment towards them.

Whether they are a turn on or turn off, that is dependent on individuals, I think. For me, I am indifferent.

Some women hate them. Men too generally hate them, but just like grey hair in old age, you can rarely avoid them. Unless you can get a really good dermatologist with an effective prescription which is very expensive.

Judy* / F / 32

That’s hard.

I think they don’t bother me so I don’t even think about it.

Ran */ M / 27

Mmm stretch marks... I suppose it’s normal. I don’t know much about it.

Happens after pregnancy anyway.. but not only that. It’s like Tiger stripes on the booty area.

Is it related to cellulite?

I like it.. definitely not a turnoff

But not turn on 🤣. I am indifferent.

Cellulite? I wouldn’t find her any more sexy than I already did

It’s just something that’s there.. like freckles. But I actually do like freckles 🤣 they can be cute.

Cellulite doesn’t make me think of sexy...

Stretch marks? I do like them. I think of tiger stripes.

It’s weird what is sexy for some people and the reasons why. Well... Maybe sexy is not the word.. but they look cool as it reminds me of tiger stripes.

Perp*/ F /30

That one. I think it is just natural. No-fuss about it coz I have them🤣🤣

Remember in my first year I used to be big then I lost some weight so definitely marks are there.

Men can be excused as well. I believe it is fair that way. We can’t set standards we can't meet ourselves.

Tak* / F/ 31

I think having stretch marks is perfectly okay...our bodies can never be perfect.

Stretch marks are a sign that our bodies have undergone some changes...we just embrace them.

Honestly, I have not encountered them in a man but I don’t think they would turn me off.

Perp*/ F/ 34

For me, it depends on how you got them.

If you got them through getting pregnant then that is something special to me. But if you got them through getting fat then that’s a turn off for me. Men getting fat is a ‘no’ by the way.

I do have stretch marks on my arms and hips. If a person told me that they were a turn off for them, I would feel bad but at the same time, I will work towards how I can get rid of them.

People should accept you the way you are, but for my own self-esteem, I would want to get them off.

Mila*/ F/ 31

I really don’t have an opinion on this. Some are beautiful, some ugly. But I don’t think anyone on earth wishes to have them. They are just an inevitable process of body changes.

Tea* / M/ 30

They are not a pleasant sight.

It also depends on the person who has them. If they are many, it's not good. Even the person who has them doesn’t like them.

Whether I would find someone that has them to be sexy is dependent…

I haven’t been brainwashed by magazines, I know Beyoncé got them too. At some point in life, we will all have stretch marks. So I ain’t brainwashed.

No matter what is said about stretch marks, what has been drilled in women by the beauty industry will always be the point of reference. That’s the truth. It’s like how much porn has influenced sex lives in this day and age.

Stretch marks don’t turn me off and I don’t hate them. It’s like saying I hate wrinkles. It’s human to have wrinkles.

In summary:

Most of the opinions agree on stretch marks being normal even though they may not be always beautiful to look at. So don’t treat yourself too harshly if you have them. If you feel that you need to improve their appearance you may do so, but do it for you.

I wish I had heard these opinions fifteen years ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and misery. But now that we are already here, I hope that they will reach someone who may be struggling like I was and that they will find some insights and some form of solace and reassurance from reading them.

What is your opinion on stretch marks? Are they a turn-on or turn-off?

*Names have been changed to protect identities