How Writing Helped Me Dig Out of My Post-Breakup Hole
By: Melissa Clason
Tags: Personal, Relationships, Breakups, Writing, Personal Growth

Writing online helped give me a new lease on life after a painful breakup.

We met because I needed sunscreen. We were in college on a class trip exploring the rock outcrops of North Carolina’s Piedmont region, and I had gotten a bad sunburn on my face. He offered me a tube, and the blazing light of the sun hit his honey-colored eyes just right. Maybe my cheeks burned for more than one reason.

Over time, we got to know each other over long nights of studying together and talking about anything and everything under the sun. And after a time, he became mine. We kept our relationship a secret (this was not my smartest moment), because he was afraid of what our future colleagues would think of two college students dating. How scandalous! And so we kept our happiness under wraps, never to reach the light of day.

We graduated from college, still trying to stay together despite our new distance. He found success while I did not. I have honestly lacked direction throughout most of my twenties, going to college because I had to, doing things because I was supposed to, but not knowing what I really wanted. Perhaps he didn’t either. He cheated on me, we broke up, and then we got back together because I thought that he was what I wanted more than anything. Even if I didn’t have a job, at least I had him. Or so I thought.

He went on vacation for a week with his family, and then he ghosted me for an entire month. Our communication had gone completely dead even though we used to text and call daily. Anything I sent went out into the void. I was deeply afraid that something had happened to him, but I had no idea what was coming. One day, he called me back. I was sitting on the couch in my grandma’s living room. He dumped me over the phone and said some things that deeply damaged me to this day. And so I learned that if you make another person your sun, you get burned.

I spent many days after that chained to an emotional rollercoaster. I thought of rebounding, but realized that getting into a rebound relationship when you’re still heartbroken just spreads your pain to other people. I cried many tears and wrote many letters that ended up crumpled in the trash. He later wrote me a letter saying that he only made the breakup that cruel to be kind, to make me want to let him go so I could start my career with total freedom. But up to that point he was the only direction in life that I’d had. I was still emotionally tied to him and I didn’t know how to escape it. I didn’t want to cut myself loose only to plummet to rock bottom with nothing engineered to save me.

Funnily enough, two weeks after my relationship had ended, I finally found my first job out of college. I was basically an emotionless robot at work but eventually my coworkers helped me come out of my shell. For the first time in a long time, I had friends. I began to realize that investing all of my time and energy into one person, one relationship, was not healthy. Life is not a romance novel where one person is your entire world. You need hobbies and bonds with friends and family to become a whole person of your own. And so I set out to find out what makes me me and who I can become without him, as my own person.

I’d started an account on a writing site called Squidoo many years ago, on a whim to make some extra money online to help pay for college. I wrote only a couple of articles back then, and they made mere pennies, so I’d given up on it. I’d also written a very unpolished poetry book and self-published it through Amazon’s Createspace, to absolutely no fanfare. Yet for some reason, my mind came back to writing, like a moth to a flickering flame (don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my enjoyment of cheesy poetic metaphors has never really gone away). I found out that Squidoo had closed down and my articles had been migrated to another site, Hubpages. I started to write a few game guides here, a few technical guides for construction materials testing there. In between articles I’ve kept a journal, and as I’ve kept writing I’ve realized some things.

I genuinely love writing. Writing is a great way for me to make an impact on the world. I am able to communicate my thoughts easily in print in a way that I struggle to do in person. I can write helpful guides for people, I can share my experiences to help other people going through the same things, and I can persuade people to take actions that will make the world a better place.

With writing, I have worth in society that I never knew I had, worth that I was told I didn’t possess. I can be more than just a little girl in love. My life has meaning now, and I have a new purpose that I’m striving for. I want to become a freelance writer and help other people share their views, their passions, and their ideas with the world. And so I’ve realized I want more in life than just some guy I met in college. And so I’ve found myself.