My Mom…11 Months…So Fast…Sigh..
By: Alan J. Schwarz
Tags: Death, Mothers, Memories, Grief, Family

I really don’t know if my Mom would like the picture I posted, I’m sure she would have said to me ‘’Alan there are so many nice pictures, why did you choose that one?’’ and I would have responded that she looked great in any picture, because the internal is always reflected in the external and she was beautiful.

My Mom was always a beautiful woman. She loved her family with every ounce of strength in her body and would do anything for any of us. She valued the right things in life, and proved that actions speak louder than words.

In the Jewish faith there is an eleven month mourning period, things move in stages. First there’s a seven day Shiva period where intense mourning takes place, then there’s a thirty day Shloishim period when you are still basically in mourning but you can integrate back into daily routines, and finally there are eleven months when you can say a Memorial prayer for the departed everyday. There is a caveat which is you must say the Memorial prayer with nine other Jewish men, so you have a minyan. Unfortunately I live in a small Jewish community and I wasn’t able to say Kaddish as much as I would have liked during the eleven months and it will bother me forever.

I think regularly saying Kaddish helps dull the pain. I know that every single time I said Kaddish I could see my Mom in the middle of my head looking down on me. She was in a screen and occasionally would be joined by my Dad and others to see what I was doing.

Now I’ll only say the Kaddish (Memorial prayers) for her on Yizkor (a special service dedicated to remembering the people we’ve lost) and her Yartzheit, the date of her passing.

As I look out on a snowy, blowy day I think of how much more I wanted to do for my Mom and unfortunately never accomplished. She always wanted to walk into a book store and see a book she had written on display. We came close we signed a two book publishing deal with a quality publishing house, but things just didn’t work out. It was hard for my Mom but she never stopped writing.

I have been blessed with hundreds and hundreds of children’s stories that she wrote and I have to spend some time transcribing them onto the computer before they get lost or ruined. She wrote in long hand because it made her feel closer to her characters.

One time I found my Mom crying as she was writing and I didn’t know what was wrong, and she told me that a character she created Mr. Mendez who she really liked, who ran a flea market had died. Her work was always empathetic and moral. She wrote like she lived from the heart.

My Sister Susie and I spent almost everyday for the last ten years with my Mom and it was a tremendous gift and privilege. A person once said to my Sister that they thought it was great that we had ‘’sacrificed’’ so much to be with my Mother, and my Sister promptly responded that it was never a sacrifice it was a tremendous honour, and it was. When it says in the Ten Commandments to Honour Thy Mother and Thy Father, it means that you have a lifetime commitment and we tried to fulfill it. It is easy when you’re young it might mean much more when you’re older.

The thing I will always cherish about my Mother was her unconditional love, her warm smile, her amazing cooking and baking, her sense of humour, her unshakeable decency, and her respect for the past. She loved her Mom and Dad and her Sisters and her Brother with her whole heart. She could never get enough of spending time with them. The same was true for her Nieces and Nephews.

When my Mom passed I realized that my journey would take a different course and it has. The feeling of love and support is still there, but it isn’t the same. I could talk about the craziest things with my Mom and not only did she endorse them, she wanted to part of them.

Over a six year period we had a television series on the air called ‘’The Bubbie Break: A Grandmother In Any Language Means Love.’’ My Mom was the Host and Executive Producer and she did an absolutely amazing job with no previous experience. The reason I write about it now is my Mom used to say ‘’When I’m gone I am leaving something behind for my children, Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren, at least they’ll know a little bit about who I was.’’ I promise Mom, even though the eleven months are over, they will know a lot about who you were. We will make sure they know.

When my Mom passed on January 11th, 2019 I told everybody that it was the worst year I could remember since my Dad passed in 2009. I hated the year. Last month a new Great Niece was born. Her middle name is Miriam after my my Mom, Marion. I don’t think 2019 is the worst year ever anymore (still sucked) and I will continue to do things that would make my Mom proud.

Just because my Parents have passed doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to respect and follow ‘’Honour Thy Mother and Thy Father’’ it just means I will have to do it in different ways.