7.5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Committing to a Relationship
By: Pal Patel
Tags: Relationships, Commitment, Couples

Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash

Maybe it’s hard to meet your kind of person, but things go easy when you start hanging out, go on dates, and perhaps, say “I love you” once you’ve shared some special moments. But the real deal is from here onwards — finding a rhythm in your relationship.

The love, and its satisfaction, we all long for starts with genuine commitment. It starts with want; each of the two needs to desire it and be able to (if not eager to) sacrifice for the other. It demands a little change in your perception of things and giving up something to be someone. The trick is, and it’s not as hard as you may think, you need to consider a few essentials things about you, your partner, and the relationship.

Without further ado, here are the 7 questions (and a bonus half-question) to ask yourself before committing to a serious relationship:

1. Do you know yourself enough?

When you know your values, preferences, and behavior, you more likely to say “no” when you want to say “no”, and “yes” when you want to. Before committing to a person, you should start knowing yourself — as your recognition of your weaknesses and conflicts can help you empathize with others.

This is significant, mainly because you would need to be the most real you can be to the person, around whom your life is going to be revolving. Of course, you are going to change around them, improve yourself; but knowing yourself would lay down the groundwork to grow your lives together.

2. Have you two dated enough?

It’s very tempting to dive into a relationship when we meet someone we think is terrific. But make no mistake, it takes a couple of dates before we could realize the weight of their character.

According to a relationship psychologist Claire Stott, currently a data analyst at dating app Badoo, after a couple of months, you’re perfectly entitled to get some answers. Stott says, “You might have one date per week, and actually, two months in you’ve met up with that person eight times. That’s not loads is it, to get a gauge of what they’re like.”

You need to go out on a couple of movies (or Netflix & Chill), lunches and dinners, perhaps a few gym sessions (if any of you are into it), morning walks, late-night ice creams, or even a short trip together. These would effectively let you in their world, which you might end up.

3. Do you want him/her around? And vice-versa.

Before committing to a serious relationship, make sure you like his/her company and want more of them more around you. As much as that, you also need to be sure if the other person wants the same. As a high-trust and commitment builder in a relationship is a shared, concrete experience with the person you love.

Do you actually like their little kinks, instead of just tolerating them?

4. Can you effectively communicate with each other?

Communication is one of the greatest keys to a productive relationship. Not having the option to discuss well can prompt tensions, dissatisfaction, and even trust issues. If you can’t talk straightforwardly and sincerely with the person about something as essential as your emotions, how are you going to discuss complicated stuff with them?

Can you enjoy silence between you both? Because if you don’t, that is proof that there’s a great deal going on inside, a sign of distrust and dissatisfaction.

5. Do you trust your partner?

Committing to a person is being consistently honest, responsible, and reliable to that person. This means to trust each other with anything and everything, to count on the person for the worst of conditions, and to have rational faith in their judgment.

It’s significant to realize the thin line between trust and faith because you are going to be influenced, and much of your life would be shaped accordingly. So trusting your partner would mean trusting them with the worth of your life.

6. Are you on the same plane about life together?

This is a uniquely quintessential piece. A new way of life is what it means to be committed to someone. And if you want to see a quality life together, you should consider being, or trying to be, on the same plane on at least these:

Lifestyle — About moral, spiritual, ethical, or materialistic beliefs and behaviors, even if you do not have similarities, can you bring the essential harmony?

— About moral, spiritual, ethical, or materialistic beliefs and behaviors, even if you do not have similarities, can you bring the essential harmony? Worklife — You need to know if both of you would be working or live a traditional role where one out of the couple is going to stay home. It would matter once you start working out the dynamics of your life together.

— You need to know if both of you would be working or live a traditional role where one out of the couple is going to stay home. It would matter once you start working out the dynamics of your life together. Family — Whether it’s family of origin or the family you plan to have, consider if you two want the same things?

— Whether it’s family of origin or the family you plan to have, consider if you two want the same things? Individuality — Perhaps, the most important one in our far-out world, can you accept the other person as they are? And do the other person take you on the very same terms? It is essential to support, encourage, and importantly, respect your partner to be the best they can be.

7. Are you sexually compatible?

You would be surprised to know the lengths your physical compatibility would mean for your relationship.

And by sexual compatibility, I don’t mean sexual satisfaction, which happens if you are soul mates. Instead, as research from the University of Toronto revealed, the secret to happy sex life in long-term relationships is the belief that it takes hard work and effort. This fact points out that you need to be proactive when it comes to your partner’s needs, fantasies, and even demands in bed, and vice versa.

So you ought to have had sex with your companion before you proceed to consider a relationship, live-in together, and definitely before you wed.

7.5 Are you ready for a committed relationship?

Ironically, one of the most important things to consider before you commit to a relationship is probably a half-question, more of a call-to-action question because you can never really know the answer; until you do! When you feel it.

Yet, many people worry about preparing themselves for engaging in a relationship. “How do I do that?” they would ask, and you should. You would want to finish your education, maybe struggle to be financially stable, or even, get ready to take the kind of responsibilities.

Just a Suggestion

But also, you should know the fact of life — whatever you do could never possibly stop life from passing by. Instead, having someone could aid you through.

In Ted Mosby’s words, “And not everything along the way was perfect, to be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But, what is? Here’s the secret, none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we’ve got. Because Love is the best thing we do”

You have to trust your guts, feel the goosebumps, go out on a few dates, take it easy, have your first dance, kiss, and maybe, you’ll feel the magic and realize that it’s perfect. And then, you’ll feel ready to commit.

So consider feeling it right, more than anything, before committing to a serious relationship.