What It’s Like to Fight Racial Microaggressions as a Black Woman
By: Banchiwosen Woldeyesus, Blogger Ethiopia
Tags: Equality, Self, Society, Race, Life Lessons

I will never forget the time when a white colleague said to me, “When I look at you, I don’t see color. I don’t see you as a black person.” He was saying, “Race doesn’t matter to me. I am not a racist.” But I heard, “I am denying a big part of who you are and your experiences.”

He pissed me off.

When I asked him to explain his statement, he said he wanted me to belong. To be part of a team.

He’s not the only one who had bias without intention. One time, a white colleague asked me out on a date. He shocked the hell out of me when we sat to eat our dinner. He was interested in dating black women because then they would take care of his every need.

“Thank you for your honesty. But I don’t want to see you again.” I marched out of the restaurant like a woman running away from a burning fire.

Sometimes, while working with white colleagues, I had even the terrible feeling of being watched suspiciously. So, I was vigilant about my teaching work performance. I worried any slip-ups would negatively affect every black person who will come after me.

The subtle, pervasive, and consistent ways I was put down can fill a book. These aches swelling deep in my chest plagued my mind for far too long.

Trying to find a name for my deep ache, I came across an article about Dr. Chester Pierce, a black Harvard professor. He was the first person who came up with a name for these everyday slights in the 1970s. He called them microaggressions.

Since then, psychologists have studied the thinly veiled, everyday instances of racism.

This hidden form of racism happens all the time.

I work with white colleagues and bosses. Some of them think they compliment me when they say, “Wow! Your English is so good. You are so articulate.”

I hear, “People of your kind are not usually intelligent or educated.” They are unaware of their subtle racist statements.

As an Ethiopian, thousand cuts have pierced my heart when a boss denied me a higher position. Not getting a promotion was not what cut deep like a knife through my chest. What my white boss said did. “The person who is most qualified should get the job.” I cried for weeks because I heard, “You are used to rejection because of your race.”

Researchers have revealed many well-intentioned whites have biases without knowing it.

Social psychologists, Dr. Jack Dovidio and Dr. Samuel L. Gaertner, have researched racial microaggressions. Their several studies show hidden racism exists. In their research, many well-intentioned whites who consciously believe in and profess equality unconsciously act in a racist manner.

Unconscious bias is just that — not conscious. However, this does not change the fact that it exists and is harmful.

We’re ignorant of the buildup of these “everyday slights”

When I tell people I am writing about microaggressions, most — even some of my closest friends who are black — ask me why. Why do you bother with these small lacerations?

We’ve convinced ourselves the questions are not even worth asking.

We all have a responsibility to tackle microaggressions. What am I going to tell my black child when she comes crying to me? Am I supposed to tell her she needs to endure these micro-wounds?

The most insidious nature about racial microaggression is that it intends no harm.

Racial microaggressions are so disconcerting. Because they happen casually, frequently, and often with no harmful intention.

Most of my black friends are unfamiliar with the term racial microaggressions. They are crumbling under the weight of everyday tiny instances of racism, though. They hurt all the way to the bone by a constant attack on their self-esteem from a white person.

We bleed when a supervisor tells us, “If we put you in charge of a team, we will not mind taking advice and direction from you.”

Please don’t promote us by speaking statements which hold demeaning messages. We hear, “We’re doing you a favor by giving you a higher position.” When we’re working hard to get a promotion, we don’t want it to come in a veiled racist statement.

Just because you do not see our tears does not mean we are not tearing apart inside. Our heart cracks in its entirety whenever a white person subtly puts us down.

Racial microaggressions do not go on vacation when you’re friends with white people.

We have white friends whom we hang out with. Whom we work with. Whom we like. One of my friends is married to a white American. My heart cracks when his friends tell me, “You don’t look like a black person.” Their statement sounds like a compliment. But it contains a hidden insult about black people.

The cut deepens when it comes from someone you’re close to.

Unless we shine a light on the harm these hidden microaggressions inflict, they will continue to hold their power.