Trump: The Art of the Breakup
By: Jeffrey Denny
Tags: Commentary, Humor, Relationships, Narcissism, Political Satire

Reuters photo

Trump: The Art of the Breakup

Jeffrey Denny

The internets are amazing:

In just 10 minutes you can “research” and be super smart and feed your confirmation bias and motivated reasoning on any topic, from doing homestyle gall bladder removal to “proving” Democrat election fraud.

The internets are especially helpful for relationship advice that can save you $1,000 a month on a trained therapist asking impertinent questions, or $10,000 a month if your therapist prescribes delicious uninsured narcotics that make you not care about your relationship.

Yet for one of the top relationship issues — how to handle a break-up — the internets fail.

The advice seems more helpful for the break-upper than the break-uppee.

For the break-upper, the guidance generally follows what FDR said about public speaking: “Be brief; be sincere; be seated.” (Although perhaps get up and out if things get ugly.)

For the break-uppee, however, the internets suggest you just sit there, bowing Namaste-ly and say, “Ok, if that’s how you feel. I’ll just gather my things and move along. Fare thee well, go in peace, may God love you, I wish you fair winds and following seas.” Like Al Gore and Hillary Clinton said when they lost.

Wrong!

In “The Art of the Breakup,” his powerful sequel to his bestselling “The Art of the Deal” (#1 on Parler and denounced by his ghostwriter), President Trump offers a master class in how to reject breakups.

As Trump puts America through the long painful process of ending our long painful relationship with him, “The Art of the Breakup” helps break-uppees transform the five stages of grief into five ways to “own” the break-uppers:

1. Denial

Concede NOTHING even when you know it’s over.

2. Anger

Lash back, like Trump has done against everyone who confirmed he lost. Even if it doesn’t help, lashing back can feel good.

3. Bargaining

Play every angle even if it’s destructive and you look desperate — which you’re not — to stay in the relationship.

4. Depression

Admit that it’s SAD!!! when you thought someone loved you forever but turned out to be big faker liars like your attorney general, Supreme Court nominees and Fox News.

5. Acceptance

What? No way! Acceptance is for losers! Like American troops who died in war or got captured like John McCain. Or like your Supreme Court that doesn’t have the basic decency to hear you out.

Trump’s “Art of the Breakup” teaches that you have every right to reject your break-upper’s case.

Let’s say you have about three weeks after New Year’s to move out. You can avoid being sent home by using these Trump Tips:

— Accuse cheating even if you have no evidence. The onus is on your ex to disprove it.

— Get all your friends to back you up, even if they’re just humoring you.

— Cherry-pick and string together whatever facts make your case, and reject conflicting facts.

— Gaslight, manipulate and twist things to create an alternate reality narrative, where you, like Trump, are the amazing innocent victim, and your ex, like the Democrats, is a horrible loser victimizer.

When all else fails, throw the top Trump card: “narcissist.”

The internets have diagnosed Trump as a clinical narcissist exhibiting all the top signs: an inflated sense of importance; a deep need for excessive attention and admiration; a lack of empathy for others; and, often having troubled relationships.

But when Trump is called on his psychological issues, he flips the script with the classic “whatabout,” accusing his accusers of whatever he is accused of. So Trump isn’t the sick one; anyone who doesn’t love Trump is sick.

Surely “The Art of the Breakup” comes from a dangerously diseased psyche.

But Trump’s lessons in fighting his rejection by America offers powerful advice to anyone who can’t accept that they caused the breakup.

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.