When “They” Is Not Enough
By: Yee Won Chong
Tags: Gender, Gender Identity, Diversity And Inclusion, Transgender, LGBTQ

I attended a conference where I informed fellow participants that I use “they” as a singular pronoun. Later that day, at a panel session, the MC greeted attendees with “Ladies and Gentlemen and Whatever!” If that was an attempt to include me, it was an epic failure!

When you open the transgender inclusion gate even slightly, some cisgender people (i.e., people who are not transgender) become confused and are left to awkwardly navigate this changed environment on their own. Token attempts to be a “we-are-a-cool-transgender-inclusive-workplace” can backfire and create an unwelcome workplace. True inclusiveness is not as simple as having everyone declare their gender pronoun in email signatures and meeting introductions.

The mainstream attention that transgender people have gotten in recent years (Laverne Cox on the cover of Time magazine in 2014 and Caitlyn Jenner on Vanity Fair in 2015) has increased the awareness that transgender people exist. But, it has not magically helped cisgender people appreciate the complexity of gender.

The dominant understanding of transgender people is still stuck in a false binary paradigm, where each person is either male or female. If someone transitions, it must be from male to female or vice versa. Abandoning this simplistic binary paradigm challenges what cisgender people think they have known all their lives: that there are only two genders (girl/woman and boy/man) in this world. This binary view conflates gender identity (how someone may feel internally) and gender expression (how someone expresses their gender externally). Reality is more complicated. For instance, most people assume that I identify as a man because of my masculine gender expression. Well, I don’t.

If you are genuinely committed to creating a genuinely inclusive space for transgender and gender non-conforming (GNC) people, it is necessary to be whole-hearted and wise. Here are a few quick tips to get started:

1. Make a full commitment

It’s easy to slap on a rainbow flag sticker or a “We Stand with You. You are Safe Here” poster on your door, but it’s much harder to walk the talk. The process needed to build an inclusive culture requires the repeated dedication of both time and resources.

2. Provide training to your employees

Begin by offering a comprehensive transgender inclusion training to all your employees Ensure that they understand transgender terms and concepts. Confused and uncomfortable cisgender people may make comments such as, “why does this matter?,” which minimizes transgender and GNC people’s experiences. By addressing concerns in a complete fashion, the normalization of pronoun use in email signatures and meetings will eventually be welcome and understood.

3. Make inclusive practices the norm.

A half-hearted attempt can unintentionally create an unwelcoming environment. I was at a recent training where facilitators declared that this was the kind of space where they knew they should ask all participants to share their pronouns when introducing themselves. What’s wrong you may ask? The practice of asking people for the pronouns they use only when you know or suspect someone in the room is transgender or GNC sends a message that you are doing us a favor. But, you are not. You are merely outing us and creating an awkward situation for everyone. Consistent practice of pronoun use acknowledges that everyone has a gender, not just transgender and GNC people.

4. Don’t forget about new hires

Include training and explanations in every new employees’ orientations. Completing an all-staff training may feel like crossing the finishing line, but maintaining an inclusive culture is not a race with a final destination. It’s an ongoing process.

5. Embrace contradiction

My gender matters, and it also doesn’t matter. While I talk openly and often about my gender identity, gender expression, and pronouns, I also remind people that I am more than my gender and my other social identities. I am also a person with many interests such as reading fantasy novels, watching cheesy romcoms and urban hiking. But don’t forget I’m a transgender person too!

Being intentional takes effort. If you don’t put in the actual work of inclusion, steps that appear to be moving you forward, like declaring gender pronouns, can actually be taking you backward. When you create thoughtful change, you not only create welcoming space for transgender people, but you also open the door to everyone as we gain a fresh understanding of gender roles and expectations.