Moms vs. Pandemic: Three things my kid learned in preschool that could help stop the spread of COVID-19
By: Katherine Ortega Courtney
Tags: Psychology, Parent, Public Health, Covid 19, Self Improvement

The book “All I Really Need to know I learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum came out shortly after I finished Kindergarten. I remember people talking about it and seeing it in stores and being confused. I had finished Kindergarten, and I was sure that there were many things I still needed to know. How to drive, for example.

Maybe my generation didn’t learn everything we need to know in Kindergarten, but there has been an increased focus on early childhood education in the last few decades, and I’m happy to report that there are lessons being taught now in preschool that might be exactly what we need to help this country end the pandemic.

We spend a lot of time and energy making sure our kids know these helpful life lessons, but the last few months many people have clearly demonstrated that we adults still have some preschool lessons to learn. In the fall of 2020, too many people had enough and decided to pretend this virus isn’t a threat. We can’t see it, it’s not directly threatening us, so it is really easy to pretend it isn’t there. But this is the lesson so many of our preschoolers have already learned. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is perfectly normal for little humans to think first and only about themselves. For a toddler, it’s “me time” all the time. We are supposed to grow out of this. Looking at the way COVID-19 has been handled in this country, it is clear not everyone grew out of this phase.

We need to go back to basics, remember what is important to us in our cores, and act accordingly. The reality is, if we live by these rules we might be able to turn this thing around and get to a new, improved normal where everyone has the chance to thrive. If not, well we all deserve to sit in a time out and think of the consequences of our actions. And some of these consequences are very scary.

The good news is these lessons are simple enough for four-year-olds to understand. Some of them are even in song form, so I’m confident we can do it. We just have to channel our inner preschooler and re-learn these lessons.

Lesson 1: Germs are real and can make you sick, even though you can’t see them.

When my kid was in preschool, we all sang the happy birthday song when we washed our hands. Her preschool teachers taught that germs can make you sick, and the best way to avoid germs was to sneeze into your elbow, wash your hands frequently, and long enough to sing the happy birthday song. Preschoolers being sticklers for rules, my daughter made sure we did this every. Time. We. Washed. Our. Hands. I spent a lot of time in public bathrooms taking deep breaths (I’m not the most patient person) as my kid methodically and mindfully sang the happy birthday song as she washed her hands top, bottom and in between.

In March 2020, when suddenly there was a new focus on washing hands as people started to pay attention to the virus, we would laugh, having known the happy birthday trick for many years.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, so many people have taken the attitude of we can’t see it so it must not be there. Our friends and loved ones don’t look any different, why are they suddenly a threat to our health? Well, as they taught my kid in preschool, germs spread when you’re close to people and when you cough or sneeze (and talk) you exhale germs that might get other people sick. In preschool, they teach you to cover your mouth when you sneeze, so as not to spread germs to your friends. And when she was in preschool my four-year-old daughter quickly schooled us on why you should sneeze into your elbow.

But for some reason it is really hard for some adults to accept that wearing a mask can stop germs from spreading. This behavior is being played out in very large transgressions, super spreader political events that ignore sane public health policy. Perhaps we need the skills of preschool teachers to remind adults that just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Lesson 2: You can’t always get what you want.

It’s not just a catchy tune. It is one of the first lessons kids learn when they enter school. Suddenly they are thrust into a world where they are expected to share, follow someone else’s schedule and learn a new set of rules. In some ways, that is what happened to all of us privileged adults in March. We were used to getting whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Suddenly there was a new set of rules and the things we most enjoyed doing were the things that were most off limits. Of course we all want to go celebrate in restaurants with our friends and families. Of course we want the holidays to be normal with hugs and shared food and drinking too much eggnog while loudly singing off key holiday tunes. But those are the worst things we can do right now. You can’t always get what you want.

For the last several months, I’ve watched in fascination as people on social media pretty much ignore what scientists and medical professionals are saying and just go ahead and do what they want. I get it. This is hard. I miss fancy cocktails and movie theaters too. But you can’t always get what you want. Sometimes, you have to put personal wants aside and go along with what is better for everyone. We teach our kids this when they first start school. I had a friend whose kid didn’t want to wear shoes to school in kindergarten. To teach him a lesson, she let him go to school without shoes one day, and he quickly learned all the reasons why shoes are important. All the other kids looked at him strangely (kind of like other countries are looking at the United States right now) and he didn’t get to participate in recess. The next day? He put those shoes on himself.

When did we adults lose touch with the most basic of lessons we learned as children? If we just put aside some of our wants for a few months, things have a better chance of getting better. Just like my friend’s kid had to learn the hard way that you really should wear shoes to school, we are all learning the hard way that as much as we want to go back to normal, we can’t have that quite yet. We’ll get there, some version of what we hope is a saner, fairer new normal, but maybe we need to listen to Mick Jagger a little bit and try really hard to get what we need, so that we can all survive this thing. (By “all” I mean everyone from all socio-economic classes, not just the privileged few).

Lesson 3: Everybody do your share.

This is a song we still sing today after meals- “clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up clean up everybody do your share”. Since March, we have heard “we’re all in this together” so many times that it has become meaningless. We have such a tendency to sit back and wait for someone to clean up after us, to fix things for us. But our kids learn in preschool that everybody must do their part to clean things up.

And here we are now, in a place where we are facing the equivalent of a 9/11 every single day. And yet, there are so many people refusing to do even the bare minimum to keep everybody safe. Just like in preschool, if we all work together to clean up this mess, we will all get to have playtime much sooner. Every single person has something to contribute. Every single person can make this situation better. Tiny acts of kindness make a huge difference. But so much of what is required right now isn’t even that. If we can use what we’ve learned in the first two lessons — germs are real, and you can’t always get what you want, we can do our share to help clean up this mess.

This means that all of us, from full time blog readers to full-time stay at home moms to career women, must see themselves as part of the solution. We will only get through this pandemic and societal disruption by becoming activist-moms who engage with the mess we have inherited. The pandemic is not the problem, it’s the manmade worst-tardiest-ever-in-US-history prevention response to COVID-19. We moms know the rules our littlest ones need to learn. It turns out we have to teach those same lessons to a lot of ego-centric, virus-denying adults.

Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Stay away from other people. Delay gratification. We all want things that aren’t possible right now. As we learned in preschool, if we all do our share, we can get to the fun stuff faster.

Fight! Survive! Thrive!

Please excuse any typos as I construct articles late at night, and often with a tiny dog on my lap. These stories are mine and mine alone. I do not represent any organization here. Images ©Dominic Cappello. Questions? Check out my books Attack of the Three-Headed Hydras , Anna, Age Eight, and 100% Community here: www.tenvitalservices.org.