A Woman’s Choice
By: Paan Kade
Tags: Pro Life, Morality, Motherhood, Pro Choice, Abortion

As many women growing up during the birth of feminism, I believed that a woman should have full control over their bodies. Giving birth to a baby or choosing to abort is a decision that the person who has to ‘carry’ that baby should take.

I also believed that an embryo (less than 3 months) is just a mass of cells and a fetus is what qualifies as a baby… and even argued that if one is so concerned about not wasting life — when it is not life — the eggs of any woman and the sperm of any man should all be somehow made into babies and that is ridiculous! And of course, the acceptance of abortion when the mother’s life is in danger was a no-brainer.

I knew people who had had abortions in my family and didn’t think it was a big deal anyway.

In September of 1998, I miscarried a 10-month ‘embryo’. I didn’t mourn its loss except that I was very sorry for my 7-year-old who was excited about having a little sibling. I did wonder whether I was a bit horrible to ‘not feel any sadness’ — I knew that most women are very sad when a miscarriage of an expected and welcomed baby occurs.

I continued to believe that Abortion should be a choice — and definitely in the case of when the mother’s life is in danger, rape, deformed fetus, and also if the child was not ‘wanted’ by the parents.

And then, I was requested by a pregnant mother of two children, the wife of a very sick man who could not support the family to accompany her to an illegal abortion clinic in Duplication Road, Colombo. I did. She went in three times and had some object thrust inside of her, that would kill the baby and the fetus will be miscarried. They told her it was not successful and that it was very strange…. But to come again the next day. Sanity prevailed and she decided to carry the baby and we did not go again the next day. Today that child is very happy playing somewhere in Sri Lanka. Seeing that beautiful child I became convinced that abortion is actually very wrong. We do not have the right to decide that the child was too much for the family, that we had no money to feed it — that the existing children will have to suffer because of the new arrival. I started realizing that we just did not have the right to make that call. I found myself questioning, to what extent do we get to play God?

I had a relative who had a complication in her pregnancy and the doctor gave her the choice to abort because the chances of the baby having deformities were very high. She chose to keep the baby, much to my amazement. I always supported the rights of people with physical and mental challenges, but when it came to choosing before the baby is born, I wasn’t so sure. That family had the hardest time managing the little fellow. Now he is almost 20 and however mentally challenged he is, is a loving child always laughing and happy and a blessing to everyone around him.

In the meanwhile, I started thinking about Legality and Morality a bit differently as well. Those who create laws are not God. Those who write down laws in holy books claiming they are from God are also not God. The only way to discern right from wrong is when you feel it in your heart — when the divine presence within you; your conscience if you like, tells you “This is not kind, generous or just”.

Today, I still believe abortion should be legal. One probably should not punish someone for making that choice. But I fervently hope no one will take that legal choice… because it is not right. It is not kind. The choice is not ours to take. But if that person feels they need to make that choice, who are we to judge?

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