SJ’s Birth Story
By: Kenedy Michelle Carey Sintay
Tags: Birth, Baby, Labor, Delivery, Motherhood

**Unfortunately, I do not have a perfect memory of my labor. I was running on less than 3 hours of sleep and I deliberately did not pay attention to what time it was. I did not want to spend time worrying about how long labor was, I just wanted to be in tune with my body and go at its pace. Luckily, my doula Meagan took awesome notes and gave me a good timeline to reference! Enjoy the story!**

Hello, October! It is almost time for my lil baby to come into the world! As I got closer to my due date, my blood pressure got higher. At my 37 weeks appointment, I had really high blood pressure. But after lying down on my left for a bit, they checked it again and it was normal. My ankles were also pretty swollen, so I was flirting with having pre-eclampsia. After that appointment, I started to worry about having to be induced instead of naturally going into labor. That was the last thing I wanted! It would throw a big wrench into my plan of having an unmedicated birth. So I made sure to take it easy the rest of the week to keep my blood pressure low.

At 38 weeks, my blood pressure was better than the previous week, but it was still a little high. But since I did not have protein in my urine, my doctor was not worried and set me up to come back the next week. Aaron-Michael started to slip dates into my food, encouraged me to keep resting, even though I was ALL about nesting instead, and invited me to go on walks with him more often. He was doing what he could to help me naturally induce. At this point, I wasn’t too worried. I had a feeling that things were going to be okay so long as I kept resting.

One night, I lost some of my mucus plug. I was pretty excited, but also trying not to be excited. Because losing a mucus plug is not a sure sign of labor since it can regrow. I could still be 2 weeks away from naturally going into labor. But I was still happy because I knew my body was changing and getting ready for birth. The next day marked me being 39 weeks pregnant! Aaron-Michael brought out the clary sage oil. Every night that week, he would put some drops of it on a cloth and put it under my pillow. It aids in naturally inducing labor. My doctor’s appointment went well, my blood pressure stayed the same as the previous week and still no sign of protein in my urine. I left the appointment and said to my doctor, “See you next week! Unless I see you sooner!” We scheduled our next appointment for later in the week because typically at 40 week appointments, the next appointment that is scheduled is an induction. And I wanted it to be as far out as possible!

Now it is October 24th. I stayed up late with Aaron-Michael and while he did homework, I finished reading two books I borrowed from my doula about birth and taking care of a newborn. I also spent time packing my hospital bag and tidying up the nursery a bit. It was the next day, 12:00 AM when I went to bed and left Aaron-Michael to finish up some homework. He ended up joining me around 2:00 AM, so he told me. When he climbed into bed, I woke up and felt like I needed to pee. This was pretty typical for my evenings. I got up and my lower back hurt and I felt some cramping in my pelvic region. After I used the restroom, I went back to bed.

I woke up about an hour later and so I went to use the restroom. Because waking up in the middle of the night meant I needed to pee…usually. This time I felt even more pain in my back and pelvic region. I came back into our room and I remember getting on my hands and knees on our bed and lying my head down into my hands to try and relieve the pain. I woke Aaron-Michael up and asked if he could get me Dwayne. Dwayne is our rice sock that we use as a hot compress. I went into the living room and got on my knees and leaned against our birth ball. Aaron-Michael soon applied heat to my lower back and then massaged it. I kept feeling surges of cramping, but the part that was the worst was the lower back pain.

I was not convinced that I was feeling contractions. I wondered if they were just strong braxton hicks. What I expected a contraction to feel like was not what I was experiencing. I could not convince myself that I was contracting. Aaron-Michael told me that I should call my doula, Meagan, and ask her what she thought. It took a lot of convincing from him before I ended up calling her. I called her at 4:31 AM and told her what I was feeling. At the time the surges were about 30 seconds long and maybe 7 minutes apart. They were pretty consistent with that timeline. She told me that it sounded like I was in early labor and that I should try and get some sleep while I could. I texted my mom and told her I was in early labor since she would start driving to Idaho when I was in active labor.

I tried to go back to bed, but for some reason, lying in bed was so uncomfortable during contractions. I did not like it at all. But lying on the couch felt okay! It was weird. So for the next couple of hours I spent time lying on the couch or leaning against the birth ball and just breathed through the contractions. Around 6:00 I went to the restroom and had my “bloody show.” It really was not much blood at all. Really it was just pink tinged mucus. That was the point that I believed that I was in labor. Up until then I doubted that I was experiencing contractions and thought maybe they were just strong braxton hicks.

I was so tired. I could not get myself to fall asleep so I just relaxed as I breathed through contractions and rested in between them. At some point I took a shower to help relieve some of the pain I was feeling. Aaron-Michael reminded me of this so I have no strong memories of how I felt, haha. Then I was hungry and ate a piece of bread thinking that it was plain enough just in case I got nauseous. I decided that instead of sleep, I would lie on my side and listen to one of my relaxation tracks. But I started to feel nauseous. I sat up and told Aaron-Michael to go get me the peppermint oil so I could relieve some of the nausea. I smelled it, but it was too late, I felt the vomit coming. Aaron-Michael was able to run and grab a bowl for me quickly. That poor little piece of bread got kicked out. But I felt much better after throwing up, which was nice.

It was about 8:00 and contractions were now 5 minutes apart and lasted 30–40 seconds. My doula texted me to check in and when I told her this she called me and told me that once they last for 1 minute then it is time to go to the hospital. I had spent time sitting cross-legged on the floor, kneeling over the birth ball, and lying down on the couch on my side. Lying down was the most desirable position because it helped me feel more rested, but it also made me feel nauseous. I ended up throwing up again once I sat up from the couch. It was not fun. I despise throwing up.

From that point on, I spent most of my time on my hands and knees or just sitting on the floor. Aaron-Michael helped by putting counter pressure on my back, holding the heating pad to my back, or pressing on my acupressure points. Those things helped relieve a lot of the pain. I remember frequently expressing to Aaron-Michael how tired I was and wishing that I could just fall asleep. But the lower back pain kept me from being able to sleep.

The environment in our apartment was very calm and peaceful. I was doing all I could to relax during contractions and rest between contractions. Aaron-Michael suggested that we watch something on TV to distract ourselves, but that only lasted two minutes. It was just disruptive noise. I was thriving in my relaxed state which required silence. At some point, I asked Aaron-Michael for a priesthood blessing. It was really nice and boosted the peaceful feeling I had. I cannot recall anything in the blessing, but I remember feeling confident and calm.

Aaron-Michael was timing my contractions and told me that they were getting longer. At around 10:00 they were one minute long and about three minutes apart. I told him that we had to wait until that was consistent. It was like the for five contractions and Aaron-Michael insisted that I let Meagan know. I was pretty chill about it and needed to be convinced to tell her. I am not sure why I was so apprehensive. I guess that it was so new to me that I was unsure that we were timing the contractions accurately. Meagan told me that it sounded like I may be getting close to transition. She asked if I felt like I needed to go to the hospital soon or if I wanted her to come and observe for a bit at our apartment? I thought about it and it felt right to go to the hospital at this point. I thought that even if I was not close to transition yet, I was probably in active labor and it would be good to go to the hospital and take time to get used to that environment.

We started to get ready to leave! Aaron-Michael had finished packing our hospital bag while I was breathing through contractions earlier. I just put on some comfy clothes and Aaron-Michael grabbed all of our stuff. The drive to the hospital was short and sitting in the passenger seat while in labor was not as uncomfortable as I predicted it would be. We pulled into the parking lot and I breathed through a contraction before we got out of the car and walked into the hospital. It was around 10:40 when we got there. I held on to Aaron-Michael as we walked in the hospital and took the elevator to the maternity floor. A nurse greeted us and took us into a room to ask us some questions. I continued to hold on to Aaron-Michael as we answered the questions. After describing how often the contractions were happening, the nurse decided we could go straight into a delivery room and be further evaluated there.

I put on the hospital gown and sat down on the toilet to pee. I felt a wave of nausea and had an urge to throw up. So I pulled a bin towards me that was in the restroom and threw up in it. I later found out in my stay that it was a laundry basket…oops! All that moving around was too much for me. I went back in the room and a different nurse came and continued to check me in. Around this time, my doula came in and joined us. I was happy to have her there! The nurse, Jennifer put two monitors around my belly to check on how my baby was doing and how my contractions were. He was responding well to the contractions! Then she checked my blood pressure, and I’m sure it was fine because I was never told to worry about it, haha. Then she lowered the hospital bed and checked my cervix and I was dilated to 5 cm. After she sat me up, I felt nauseous and threw up in a bag. I was over it at that point. Too much throwing up for one day!

Then Jenn asked if I had a birth plan and she looked over it with us. This is when I didn’t like Jenn. She read through it and instead of just saying, “okay, sounds like a plan,” she made sure to challenge every request on there that was obviously something they already did that I should not have put on the birth plan in the first place. No need to make a girl feel stupid for making clear what she wanted. It’s not like I had ever done this birth thing before. But I just lay there and nodded as she so sweetly (more like passive aggressively/annoyingly) assured me that they would not do some of the things I requested them not to do. Ya girl was not about to get out of my zen mode and be upset with her. Luckily the rest of the time she was chill and easily ignorable.

It was 12:41 and I got a hep-lock put in my hand. Luckily it wasn’t too uncomfortable. Then Dr. Watson came by and said hello. It was nice to see him and be greeted by him and encouraged to keep doing a great job. To hear that from him, as well as from Aaron-Michael and Meagan consistently, boosted my energy and helped me keep going. Dr. Watson told me that he was fine with me laboring however I wanted and that he would suggest breaking my water only if labor stalled. At this time, our little guy was not responding as well to my contractions as he should, so I was brought some apple juice to drink to get my sugars up. After some juice, he was back to normal fluctuations in his heart tones. The juice did not make me feel good and my nurse asked if I would like some nausea medicine. I happily accepted it!

After Jenn left the room, Meagan closed the blinds, leaving the room dimly lit. It was really relaxing. I was actually pretty comfortable lying down on the hospital bed compared to lying down on my couch or bed at home. Maybe it is because the hospital bed is more firm? I do not know, but I was not upset about it. So I started off laboring in a side-lying position. It allowed me to rest more. I asked to get some hot compresses because I still felt everything in my back during contractions. The hot packs were weak sauce. They were hot for maybe 10 minutes. I needed constant heat. I immediately regretted forgetting to pack my heating pad. I thought about it, but I just never packed it in my bag. Sigh, next time. So every time Jenn came in we asked her to reheat the compress, or if I needed it sooner, I would call a nurse in and ask her to do it.

Meagan was really great at putting counter pressure on my lower back, it felt amazing! Aaron-Michael did a good job too! I had quite a good birth team. They took turns relieving my back pain while I was in a contraction. They would each encourage me to drink my juice or water, but I was traumatized by the vomit. I didn’t even want to take small sips of liquid because even those small sips didn’t sit well in my stomach.

At some point early on Meagan commented on how my birth was the most calm birth ever. And it was true! I felt very relaxed. The lighting was perfect, I smelled lavender oil every now and then, the room was quiet, and in between as many contractions as I could, I tried to rest. There were never any lengthy breaks. The contractions were consistently 5 minutes apart or less for the rest of labor. But really I think labor was so calm for me because I was so exhausted and I did not have any energy to be anything but relaxed. I had prepared for labor during pregnancy by listening to relaxing, hypnotherapy tracks full of positive affirmations. I imagined that I would listen to them during labor to get myself in a relaxed state and to maintain that state. But I didn’t need them nor did I want to listen to them. I was enjoying the peace and quiet.

I got up and used the restroom after Meagan encouraged me to and discovered that laboring on the toilet was great! I only ever did it for 10 minute stretches, but it felt great! Aaron-Michael came in with me to make sure I was okay and I just sat there holding onto his waist, leaning against him. It was really nice.

The next contraction after I relieved myself was more uncomfortable than previous ones. I remember holding on to Aaron-Michael while standing up and finding a lot of relief laboring in that position. Maybe it was just because my feelings of safety and comfort were heightened as I was being held by the man I love. It was so comfortable. I would have loved to labor like that for a long time, but that position became less restful and comfy as time went by because I was so tired. I did not have enough strength to stand and calmly breathe through my contractions. So Meagan suggested I try laboring on the birth ball.

While on the birth ball, Aaron-Michael sat behind me and would put counter pressure on my back during a contraction. I leaned back against him in between contractions. That position also felt great and relieved a lot of pain and tension. At this point, contractions were 2–3 minutes apart. I stayed in that position for about 4 contractions and then ended up lying down again. I was so overwhelmed with exhaustion that I wanted to be lying down at all times. Thinking back on the experience, I just wish I could have had a full night’s sleep before. I feel like it would’ve made such a difference! It was hard to choose between the slightly more tiring position that was more comfortable or lying down and being able to rest better, but not be as comfortable.

The only words spoken in my birth space were positive affirmations from Aaron-Michael and Meagan. It was really encouraging and confidence boosting. They would each tell me I did a great job after contractions and praise me for breathing calmly and deeply during contractions. They spoke softly to me and their words brought peace to my soul. Aaron-Michael continually would tell me how proud he was of me and how amazed he was with how well I was doing. It was wonderful hearing those words from him. Meagan coached me when she noticed I was tensing up during a contraction by telling me to breathe in deeply and take my time with my breath. She would also encourage me to let each contraction go after it was over, which helped me to take a cleansing breath after each contraction. Both of them were so helpful in different ways and it was perfect.

I was still feeling lots of lower back pain, so Meagan suggested I try laboring in a hands and knees position. It took the pain from my lower back and moved it to my lower abdomen. I felt a distinct difference between the two positions, since the pain clearly shifted from one area to another. I decided that I did not like being on my hands and knees. It was a position that brought me a lot of relief at home during early labor, and even during pregnancy, but I felt more comfortable dealing with pain in my lower back than in my pelvic region. So that position did not last too long and soon I was back to side-lying. When I was side-lying, the counter pressure on my back was amazing as I mentioned earlier, but something else that helped was holding on to the side of the bed or on to Aaron-Michael’s hand. I would squeeze his hand tightly through a contraction and it helped me get through it.

My wireless baby monitor was not picking up our baby’s heart tones well, so my nurse would come check in with us to make sure we were both okay. At 4:30, Jenn switched out the monitor for a new one and it worked much better at picking up his heart tones! I then used the restroom again and labored on the toilet for a couple contractions. Before lying back down, I labored upright while holding on to Aaron-Michael for about 30 minutes.

At 6:00 PM I got a new nurse named Hayley. I only know it was at 6 because I learned the next few days in the hospital that 6 was the time shifts changed, haha. I still had no idea what time it was at the moment. She was an amazing nurse and I am SO GRATEFUL she was my nurse at this point in labor. She read my birth plan and then asked me some questions about a few things so she could understand what I wanted and how I imagined things to go. Already leaps and bounds better than Jenn. She was also very upbeat and positive and I vibe with that energy! Every time she came in she was so complimentary of me and genuinely amazed at how relaxed I was during contractions. Those affirmations from her made me feel more comfortable that she was part of my birth team. I am so glad she was the one scheduled because I would have chosen her out of any other nurse to be part of my birth team. Hayley was just phenomenal.

Shortly after I met Hayley, Dr. Watson came to check on me and asked if I wanted my cervix to be checked…or Hayley asked and then Dr. Watson came in around that time anyway so he did it. I think the latter is true. I was fine with being checked because my water had not broken yet and I was curious at that point as to how far along I was. And I was relieved Dr. Watson was doing it because Jenn took WAY too long during my first cervical check and I knew Dr. Watson was way more efficient when doing exams. He told me that I was dilated to a 5 and for a moment I thought that he was joking…because he’s a funny guy! But I realized a few seconds later he was being serious and I think that’s the point I started to lose momentum. Dr. Watson told me that if I wanted, he could break my water and that would help me dilate more. I didn’t feel pressured to do it, he just told me what the benefits would be if I was interested in speeding labor up. I appreciated that it was a conversation and that he didn’t tell me he would have to break my water at some point.

Other than dilation, I was 100% effaced I believe, which was great and better than earlier (I think I was maybe 60% effaced my first check). And my baby was at a good station, don’t ask me the number, and my cervix was nice and ripe and in a good position….so it seemed like everything was ready, I just needed to dilate more. So I held on to the progress in other areas to try and not be disappointed, but it still affected me knowing that I had been laboring for so long and was still dilated the same amount. Other good changes had happened, but dilation is what is stressed the most in marking labor’s progress so it was hard for me not to worry about it.

Looking back, I think that made my thought process different. My thoughts went from, “I’ve been working so hard for a while and I’m getting closer!!” to, “How much longer am I going to have to labor in order to progress more?” Instead of focusing on how much I had done and how far I had progressed, I focused on how far away the goal was. Not good. This led me to dwell more on the pain I was experiencing and worry about how much longer I would have to feel it.

I started to think more about pain medication. It crossed my mind a few times before I spoke the thought of taking it into existence. I asked Aaron-Michael what he thought I should do and I asked Meagan what she thought about it. She told me about different alternative methods of pain medication and I started to consider them. I was bummed because something I planned on using during labor was an inflatable tub. I LOVE water and I thought it would help me be relaxed during labor and help me manage my pain, but they did not have tubs available. I know that they usually have one for each room at that hospital, but I did not catch the reason why they could not use them. I also thought about using nitrous oxide during labor if I ever needed help relaxing and taking my mind off the pain, but I could not use nitrous because it was a covid hazard. Sigh.

Meagan suggested that I could try using the jacuzzi and that it might help with the pain! Hayley came back into the room and I asked if I could use the jacuzzi tub. She went and set it up and I kept breathing through contractions. They felt so much more painful and were so close together at that point. I was READY to be in some hot water. The jacuzzi was nice, I really enjoyed the heat! A few minutes after being in the tub the water wasn’t hot enough so I moved my back right next to the faucet and turned the hot water on and just let it run down my back. The downside about being in there was the room. It was a small room and it got hot and stuffy really quickly. I hate feeling too hot. I only wanted to feel the heat on my back, but soon my whole body was too warm for comfort and I felt like I was suffocating. I used some cold rags on my neck and forehead for a bit and that helped me stay in longer, but at a certain point it was too much to handle and I had to get out. The heat was making me uncomfortable and no longer helping distract me and relieve me from the intense surges.

I went back into my room and Hayley checked me and I was at 8 cm. I do not remember being checked at that point, but it is in Meagan’s notes, haha. I am sure I felt good about progressing more! The water helped a lot, but I still wanted more relief now that I was back in the room. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I never seemed to have a break between them. I remember Hayley came to talk to me about something and she was like, “I’ll wait until this contraction is over…oh and here comes another one! Goodness, they’re back to back!” And I replied, “They always are…” She thought that was the most hilarious thing ever. I wasn’t even on my game and I was still funny, haha. I was happy that I made her laugh and I am grateful for her personality because not all nurses would have responded the same way.

At this point I asked Hayley about pain relief and she told me about different options. The one that stood out to me was fentanyl and I decided to think about it more. She also suggested I try laboring on all fours again. I did that for about half an hour and then went back to side-lying because I was so exhausted. Afterward, I decided that I would be down for some fentanyl doses. It was 8:30 pm when I got my first dose. It was great! I still felt the power of the contractions, but the fentanyl took the edge off of the pain. I was able to still actively tune in to my body during labor and that’s something I wanted.

The other great thing about the fentanyl was that the breaks between contractions actually were breaks! I remember dozing off between contractions. Even though I was resting for minutes at a time, those minutes recharged me and gave me energy instead of merely being a pause from the work of labor. And I think my birth team got a break too because I did not need as much counter pressure!

I got my next dose, happily, at 9:42 pm. Contractions were getting more intense, so I wanted to relax even more. Hayley suggested that I hop into the shower. And because that room was better ventilated than the jacuzzi room, it was much more comfortable! I was able to sit in there for a while and have the hot water on my back. It was so great! Towards the end of my shower, Hayley let me know that Dr. Watson came to check on me and he told her that he was staying at the hospital until it was time for delivery and that he’d check back with me soon. Then I got my third dose of fentanyl at 10:55 pm after my shower. Fentanyl becomes less effective the more doses you get, and I started noticing that after the third dose. I still felt plenty capable of managing the pain, and that mentality was what helped labor progress.

My water still had not broken and I had been discussing the pros and cons of breaking it with Aaron-Michael, Meagan, and Hayley since I started my fentanyl doses. There was only one con at that point; I was worried about the contractions being too intense once there was no longer a barrier between my baby and my pelvis. I did not want to invite an increase in intensity and then have to endure that for longer than necessary.

Dr. Watson came in shortly after and asked me how I was feeling. He asked how I felt now about breaking my water. I told him my concern and he told me he would be happy to do it if I wanted to or if I wanted to wait that was fine. He said he would only do it without my request if I dilated to a 10 and it hadn’t broken already naturally.

An hour passed, and during that hour, I came up with a plan of action. Since I could only get 4 doses of fentanyl, and I was worried about extra pain when my water broke, I decided to have my water broken artificially after I got my last dose. I had hopes that the last dose could aid me in bearing the potential increase in pain.

It was almost midnight and I was due for my last dose of fentanyl. Hayley got Dr. Watson and gave me the dose. Dr. Watson then broke my water and checked me. I was complete with a small lip — wahoo! I didn’t feel a thing when he broke my water, well, except ALL the water. Haha! There was just a tiny popping sound and then a huge gush. The water was clear apparently…all I knew was that it was warm and plentiful! Although it felt like I was continuously wetting my pants, it was a comforting feeling. It was warm and there was no additional pain with my contractions like I expected.

Nine minutes passed and I started to feel the urge to push. It was an interesting feeling because I instinctively knew it was time. It really is amazing what my body can do without me directing it. Hayley told me to wait to bear down until she could do another vaginal check. She needed to make sure there was no more cervical lip and that my baby had started to descend. I decided to use the restroom before she checked me since I knew the pushing stage was more effective with an empty bladder.

It was 12:15 am and Hayley checked me. I was complete and my baby had descended. Time to push!! This is where my doula’s notes go from very detailed, to three sentences summarizing the pushing stage because my birth team was very involved the rest of the time! I will do my best…

*cracks knuckles* (Just kidding, I don’t crack my knuckles…it freaks me out, haha)

I wanted to breathe while pushing as much as possible because I worried that I would not get enough air to my baby, that I would tear, or that I would pop a blood vessel. Hayley told me that if I wanted to be coached while pushing, she could help me know when it was best to push. At first I thought I would want to have mother guided pushing, but I was ready to be motivated and encouraged by someone else at that point! I gladly let her take the lead! She would tell me when to push and I would crunch, breathe, and push for seven second intervals. Hayley encouraged me to have three good pushes per contraction.

After a little bit of pushing, Meagan got her rebozo out and put it around the squat bar attached to the bed. I was able to hold onto it and pull while I pushed. That was really helpful! It made me feel like my pushing was more effective. While Hayley told me when to push, Meagan coached me and helped me picture getting on top of the contraction and pushing with more power. She used a singing analogy which was awesome. She talked about how when you want to hit a high note you want to have the proper support in order to get to that note and then once you’re there, you have to stay on top of the pitch to stay in tune. She told me once I did that, I could take advantage of each contraction and make the pushes even more impactful.

Meagan had talked to me before labor about how pushing is usually the favorite stage for moms because they feel like they have more control in how fast labor progresses. So she would encourage me to feel that excitement and tune in to the power of each contraction and recognize how good it felt to work hard so I could meet my baby. It was very empowering to be coached that way.

I was working on getting my baby’s head to pass through the pelvis, and goodness it was hard work! Hayley suggested that I push in a squatting position for a while to get gravity on my side. I was a little nervous because it seemed that squatting was more physically draining, but I decided to try it. My first push in the squatting position was surprisingly good. I felt more powerful and able to get my baby through the pelvis. I ended up pushing like that for a while and made lots of progress. While anticipating each push, I worried that once I went down, I would not be able to get back up. But I had enough strength to get up every time. Being able to hold on to and lean into the bar as I pushed made it easier to focus on pushing and my pushes were more effective. Hayley noticed my improvement and encouraged me to give my pushes more with each contraction. I increased the amount of pushes to four and started to do every other push while holding my breath. As I tried a few pushes with my breath held in, I noticed that they had more umph! I felt very in control of my pushes and my baby was responding well so I was no longer worried about the risks of holding my breath. I knew that if things got dangerous, I would be able to control what was happening, and that feeling was great!

Once I got used to alternating breathing and holding my breath, Hayley encouraged me to increase my pushes from 7 seconds to 10. When I got comfortable with 10 second pushes, I decided to try to hold my breath for as many pushes as I could. It just depended on the contraction…sometimes there would be two in a row where I’d hold my breath, or I’d alternate like I was used to, or even sometimes I’d do three in a row! I was in control and I could set the pace according to my instincts and desire. With the four pushes, I did them with 1–2 seconds in between to take a breath in. The first push in the sequence always felt absolutely amazing! I was full of new energy and did not feel any pain, only progress! The second push is when I felt the pressure, and with the next two pushes, that pressure only surged with more intensity. It was a crazy awesome cycle. Especially since I approached each contraction feeling refreshed from the minute break in between.

Hayley was paying attention to the clock because at a certain point, if I was not able to push him through, there would be an emergency intervention. No one wanted that for me! I remember at a certain point Hayley mentioned it had been two hours. It had NOT felt like two hours passed by. Time was flying by for me! Being so actively involved in this stage helped with that. But I think I was able to get his head to pass through the pelvis around the two hour mark, and Hayley was relieved. And at this point I was starting to get more anxious to push. Waiting between contractions started to feel soooo long, haha. I would ask, “Is it time to push yet?” Hayley would say, “Not quite.” To which I would reply, “Okay…” She commented on how I was still so polite and calm. As far as I remember, I never yelled or felt like I needed to yell or scream. I was pretty calm and focused through the whole process. That was pretty impressive to Hayley and Meagan.

Hayley could now feel his head and got even more excited when I pushed. She always would say encouraging things when I pushed, like “give it all you’ve got,” “keep going,” “you’re almost there,” “that’s it, good job,” but I could tell there was a change in the emotion behind those words when my baby was close to being visible. I pushed in a squatting position until he was visible. Squatting was my favorite position by far, but I worried about being in it for too long because tears are more likely when in a squatting position. I decided to finish laboring on my back with the rebozo to pull on during contractions. I think I took a break between squatting before my baby was visible and tried laboring on my back. Yes, I did. I remember Aaron-Michael and Meagan helping push my legs in the optimal position during each contraction and then resting in between. So we were back to that in the end. I decided I felt more comfortable finishing in that position because I had practiced doing it prior to that moment and I was not confident my legs would hold strong in a squatting position during the final powerful pushes. Meagan double checked with me before though to make sure that is what I wanted to do because it was differing from my birth plan. It was nice of her to check in with me when I did things not according to plan. I assured her that I was good with delivering on my back.

It was time for my baby to come! Hayley got Dr. Watson and the rest of the nurses that needed to be present for his arrival. The spotlight was turned on, and it was showtime! Haha! It was intense! At this point I was all in. The pushes were longer, stronger, and more frequent…when I was allowed to push that is. This was when I really anticipated pushing. I eagerly asked when it was time to push prior to each contraction. I was always ready for the next push once the current contraction was over. I would try and fit five pushes in if it felt right. And now each time I held my breath. With each little adjustment I made to my pushing sequence over time, I built up to this moment. I pulled out all the stops and in each aspect of pushing, I was at full capacity. It was time to get my baby out!

Dr. Watson started encouraging me and I could tell in his voice that I was getting closer. That helped me to push harder and keep going. Pretty soon he and other nurses got more and more excited and I knew I was a good push away from my baby being here. I felt what people refer to as the ring of fire (it was not unpleasant for me, it was just a different sensation) and I kicked it into high gear! Sure enough, I pushed and felt my little baby come out and get plopped on to my chest. It all happened so fast it was hard to process!

After 24 hours, my sweet baby boy, SJ, was finally here! He squirmed on my chest as he adjusted to the world. He had the sweetest little cry. It wasn’t loud or high pitched. It was just sweet and perfect. I loved holding him close to me. Although it was a lot to process, it felt good and it felt right. I was finally with my baby boy!

(SJ) Scott James Sintay, born October 26th (his due date), 2020 at 3:28 am! Coming in at a hefty 9 lbs, 7 oz, with a head 15 in (ouch). He’s a big boy with a big heart and we love him so much ❤

Reflections

I loved giving birth to SJ. It was an amazing experience! And it was not amazing because it was easy or painless, it was amazing because it was hard and rewarding. I remember thinking at certain points about how I may never want to go through this again and wondering how people could do it more than once? But there were other moments that shaped my mindset into appreciating the victories along the way and allowed me to trust in them and myself.

Comparing how my birth went to how I planned my birth, there are some differences. I imagined spending a lot of time in an inflatable tub, but there weren’t any available at the time. I was not planning on having a lot of vaginal checks, but I was okay with them to help make plans for what to do next. I did not plan on taking any pain medication, but ended up taking some fentanyl. My doula and nurse both agreed that doing that got me over a hump, reenergized me, and kept labor from stalling. I did not plan on having my water broken, but it got me to the pushing stage! I planned on mother guided pushing and ended up wanting to be coached through my pushing. I wanted to avoid laboring on my back, but found that I enjoyed parts of it, enough to finish my labor in that position. I did not want any pitocin after giving birth, but I was given some since I bled a lot because of a third degree tear!

The thing that I sometimes wish I could change is the fact that I took fentanyl. Solely because I cannot say that I had an unmedicated birth. That was my goal, but I need to remember that my number one goal was to have a safe birth for me and my baby, followed by feeling involved, confident, and capable during my birthing experience. Those two more important goals were achieved! And the unmedicated part can just be a goal for next time. It is silly, but it makes me feel like I wasn’t strong enough to do what I knew my body was capable of doing. *sigh* Next time. Reflecting back, I know that it is what I needed to do in order to have a safe, epidural free birth. Honestly, the main thing I wanted to avoid was an epidural, so woot woot! Killed it! If I let my pride go in not being able to say I had an unmedicated birth, then I’m completely fine! I need to remember and focus on everything I accomplished and the great job that I did.

Aaron-Michael barely remembers that day and cannot recall much. So he has nothing to contribute to the reflections section. He was my rock throughout the whole labor. He took every chance he could to doze off in between contractions like I did, but he was fully present with me. He got up with me and stayed up with me to support me when I woke up feeling contractions, he watched over me whenever I had to use the restroom or shower. He supported me when I walked and moved around. He held my hand and let me squeeze his when I needed to. He encouraged me and told me I was doing a good job. He told me he was proud of me and stayed by my side.

My doula Meagan was amazing! I am so glad that I found her and got to work with her! She was a boss. The nurse who greeted her was not going to let her in, even though prior to having me as a client, Meagan had contacted the hospital and petitioned for doulas to be able to attend births during the COVID-19 pandemic because they provide professional help to a birthing mom. She told me she was ready and whipped out her certificates and our contract and showed them to the nurse. The nurse was still not budging so she just walked by her and found my room and never looked back, haha! She’s the best. She told me that my birth was one of the hardest, but most rewarding that she has experienced. It was very physically demanding of her and Aaron-Michael because of all the counter pressure I needed and requested of them. Meagan was glad she got to work with a dad who was fully present and willing to help and how that enhanced the experience for her. She told us her hands were sore physically and visually people could tell they did hard work. She said that in normal circumstances (when there is not a pandemic), she has a back up doula that switches out with her for a few hours if the labor goes longer than 12 hours. That was not an option for her this time, but she told me that it was amazing for her to be there for the whole journey and working hard with me the whole time. She also mentioned that it was perfectly timed because by the time she was starting to lose some steam, Hayley’s shift started and she brought a fresh energy to the room that allowed Meagan to stock up again on her own supportive energy.

Hayley was great! She told me that she enjoyed being part of my labor and that she thought I was so funny. She complimented me for being so calm and polite the whole time. She was my cheerleader and the boost of energy my birth team needed! I just want to be friends with her in real life.

Dr. Watson did a great job! He supported me and my decisions and I never once felt pressured to do anything or felt judged for my decisions. He continues to be a good doctor for me and SJ.

Thinking about how I gave birth is in a way astounding and in every way a miracle. I have high anxiety when it comes to anything that has to do with my body. Mostly it manifests itself with medical experiences. I dreaded going to the doctor growing up. I was nervous and scared for every appointment. I have to lay down while getting shots or my blood drawn or else I will pass out. I have passed out while getting an exam, anticipating getting an exam, but not after getting an exam. Sigh, the list of three is incomplete. I have passed out when getting my blood pressure taken. That was one of my concerns approaching birth…getting my vitals checked makes me nervous and I did not want to constantly feel nervous!

Growing up like this made me paranoid about the day I would have to give birth. For the longest time I could not imagine myself being able to do it. I joked all the time that I would be passed out the whole time and wonder if I would be able to have a baby still if I continuously passed out. I seriously considered only adopting children because I was so terrified of not being able to give birth. I considered having an elective C-Section so I did not have to panic during the delivery of my baby. I thought of just about everything that could go wrong and every possible way I could have kids without having to give birth myself or be present and aware of giving birth.

But alas, my desire for my own children is stronger than my fears. I was introduced to unmedicated birth by the pure fear of an epidural. Yeah, my reason for an unmedicated birth at first was solely because I did not want to have a needle go in my spine, and even worse, I did NOT want to have to get a catheter. Pain sounded much better and doable than a needle and catheter. And researching that route blessed me with knowledge and a passion for giving birth and empowering other women to give birth and more importantly KNOW and feel CONFIDENT that they can do it!

Honestly, I am excited to give birth again. I loved being pregnant and I loved giving birth. It was hard and exhausting, but that made it the most beautiful experience I have ever had. I do not think anything else will top it as far as personal and rewarding growth experiences. If something does top giving birth, bring it on because I cannot imagine how amazing that would be.

Every day I look at my baby boy and I am so grateful to be his mom. I cry frequently because I am so happy he is with me. I also cry a lot because being a mom is difficult. But the tears of joy and gratitude far outweigh the tears of inadequate thoughts and sorrow. Being a mother is everything I have ever wanted and it is proving to be everything that I hoped it would be and more. I love my husband and my baby boy. Our family is wonderful and eternal. ❤