Why Loosing Your Temper Is A Sign Of Weakness
By: Jack Li
Tags: Discipline, Anger, Self Improvement, Self-awareness, Life Lessons

Why Loosing Your Temper Is A Sign Of Weakness

photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

My grandfather had a temper and so did my father. And you’ve guessed it, so did I.

It has gotten me into so much trouble in my life than you can imagine. I’ve lost friends, and I’ve lost jobs. The worst is the loss of confidence in a subprime life.

As children we learned to fear when parents or other adults raised their voices. Not wanting to get in trouble or face any consequences. Because really, who likes being yelled at? We learned to keep away from those who are prone to outbursts of anger because they were bigger and we were smaller. We saw that they had the strength to overpower us and there’s really not much we can do about it. When my father lost his temper there wasn’t much I could have done about it even when my grandparents pleaded with him to stop the physical abuse fearing long term damages.

Even as a teenager I thought anger was something someone from the upper echelon of the dominance hierarchy displayed. Bosses yell at their employees right? Higher ranking military members sure as heck yelled at the junior staff.

As I got older however things really started to seem different. I held onto the same beliefs of course but weird things were happening and I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I can see that in the real adult society those prone to anger never seem to be very successful in life. Yes people who are successful might be stubborn and disagreeable, but not angry.

I started to see the strength in people relative to self control and discipline.

photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

The value of control and fortitude is not lost to me. As someone who would loose his temper I often sought to have some control in my life. The truth is I like being kind and gentle. I like getting along with everyone I meet and am completely OK with cooperation instead of domination. Imagining handling all the difficulties in my life with a calm demeanor soon became my life goal. But the monkey on my back was always that false notion that calmness is weakness in the face of someone going through a screaming tirade. I always seem to be afraid that people will take my kindness for weakness.

But never the less I was determined to make a change. I want to break the cycle of bad habits of not having a proper handle on my emotions and went out to find some answers.

Over the years I’ve found much wisdom in eastern philosophy and stoicism. I found that the reason I grew up with a temper like my grandfather and father was because there were important life lessons that I was not taught as a child. I doubt my family knew of them and therefore was not able to pass it down to me.

I learned what were the improper ways to communicate. What made a toxic person and started to weed out bad habits within my self.

I learned how toxic of a person I was. The misguided coping mechanisms I adopted through life which played such a major part in making me miserable were no longer hidden. They started to reveal themselves through education and I learned what to do in their stead.

I learned how to be an assertive individual instead of someone who is passive aggressive. I learned the right way to communicate. When to fight and when not to. I learned the difference between anger and rage. And most importantly I learned to sympathize with those who are toxic and unreasonable like I was. If I hadn’t been the bad guy then I would have never understood them. I would probably go through life with a superiority complex instead of understanding where people came from.

I remember the frustration of not knowing how to communicate to others confidently and when people acted negatively towards me I became more resentful. Now when I meet someone who is displaying the same lack of temperament I used to lack I do not judge them as I was just that way not long ago.

I loved my broken family. They weren’t taught the right way to communicate with others as they worked through their busy lives while raising their families. For some reason I was the lucky one. I had to opportunity to break myself out of the cycle and now I’m able to pass on the know how to my next generation.

Having self control is truly difficult. It’s much easier to let loose all your negative emotions and blame everyone else for your problems. When a child is being screamed at and or beaten they are not being taught that they need to take care of themselves. Making sure they eat right, have plenty of sleep and exercise and to stay hydrated.

It takes a well balanced human being to achieve anything of significance in this world. I think the foundation of anything built in life is the temperament of the individuals in the system. When the human component breaks down the system created by and for those humans will surely crumble and fall like a house built on sand.