On Being Human
By: Mira Okpala
Tags: Being Human, Humanity, Process, Being, Reassurance

I took a hiatus from writing in a bid to detach myself from the ugly realities that engulfed the nation in the past weeks. This is quite an irony because writing has always been my outlet. But instead of running to my notes and keypads to unleash my pent-up feelings, I found myself running far, far away from all of the madness.

The break was sure needed. It gave me another opportunity to be human; to feel a plethora of emotions. These emotions played out in this sequence- anger, hurt, sadness, pain, love, and happiness. Sometimes, there was a repeat of the sequence. At one point it was a reversal.

I am emotional. Very emotional. The kind of emotional that called a friend who lost her dad to sympathize with her and ended up being consoled by that same friend because I had cried all through the call and my friend wasn’t even crying at the time. She was still in the denial phase.

And by being emotional, it is never all about the tears. I can be extremely happy for others too. I remember blushing and flushing with excitement all the way to my room in my penultimate year as an undergraduate because I had explained a course to a friend and her test result in that course was her best. Her excitement was all I needed to light up my night.

It is all about being human; accepting emotions as they come. Not fighting, not denying, not pretending to be fine, not mounting a heap of blames on others but simply being human.

I beat myself up about things a lot. Perhaps a part of my brain believes that I can fix the world. This is illusionary but with the way I fuss over the little things, you’d be forced to share into this sentiment.

Sometime in July, I remember getting a phone call that disrupted my reading. A woman at the other end of the call fired a question that blasted my world for a few seconds. She had asked; “when last did you hear from Mr Eze?”

Mr Eze lived in my neighborhood and gave me a lift to work every morning save for days when he had to be away from the office. Our 33 km ride daily saw us cement a friendship. He always asked why I hardly ever reached out to him unless he made a move. I never had an answer for him. I really don’t know how to explain magic. How else can I explain how the weekend rolls into a Monday and most of my to-dos (including reaching out to friends and loved ones) remain unchecked? Worst of all, I barely have enough time to get the much needed rest.

Back to her question “when last did you hear from Mr Eze?” I had heard from him two weeks before the time and our conversation danced around my not checking on him as usual.

“Mr Eze is no more” she said. She was Mr Eze’s colleague and joined our morning ride as well. I struggled to find the words and when I finally did all I could mutter was “how is he dead?” She went on to explain how he battled hypertension which was exacerbated by his constant worry about his diabetic mother and his only sister who was confined to a wheel chair. If only he knew that both would outlive him.

Could this be why he constantly asked that I check on him? How would I have known that I had just a short space to be there for him? I broke into a stream of tears.

Practically speaking, even if I possessed super powers it would be overly herculean to reach out to everyone on my contact list. It took me a long time to accept this and an even longer time to accept that some circumstances are beyond my sphere of influence.

Being human is first to accept your inadequacies, and then make a conscious effort to fix parts that are within your control.

I do not hesitate to say a word of prayer for my friends and loved ones. The things I cannot handle I place in God’s hands. That is how I preserve what is left of my sanity. And when I get a little chance, I reach out to family and friends by sending short messages of reassurance.

The journey is far from over. Being human is a lifelong process.