How to Stop Being Overwhelmed by Self-Help Advice
By: Dakota Duncan
Tags: Mental Health, Self Help, Productivity, Happiness, Self-awareness

I think most of us reach points in our life where we realize things could be better and we turn to self-help. Maybe we’ve gotten too caught up in binge-watching TV shows, put off too many personal goals, settled on too many fast-food meals, and the like. We know it’s time for a change, but where to start?

It’s natural to start with an internet search, so you type whatever your particular challenge is into Google. You find all kinds of articles with useful advice on how to have perfect mornings, what to eat to have energy and lose weight, how to set and keep SMART goals, how to have better relationships and what apps to use to block apps so you stop wasting time on your phone.

Maybe a few concepts resonate with you enough that your next stop is Amazon.com. Soon you have downloaded three books to your Kindle, one paperback is on its way, and you’ve bookmarked 17 articles to review later.

The Overwhelm

Congratulations, you’ve just entered The Overwhelm. Just from reading the articles, you likely already have so many new ideas swimming around in your head that you haven’t any idea where to start. Once you begin reading the books, there will be even more options to consider. They all sound promising and exciting. You could start on your new life tomorrow…if only you could decide what to try first.

I’ve taken a number of online courses and collected enough self-help books to understand the tug-of-war between the glamor of change and the self-protective instinct to leave things as they are. The easiest thing to do at this point is to do nothing except possibly read through the books, nodding in agreement at the wisdom being imparted, but never actually doing the exercises suggested or taking any action.

Don’t do that. Instead, try one of these things:

Make a Choice

Choose just one book and follow the advice in that book. Take notes as you read it. Do the exercises. Take the actions recommended. Leave the other books and articles for another time. Focus on the one book for a set period of time, perhaps three months, or whatever time period seems realistic considering the content and what you are working towards.

and follow the advice in that book. Take notes as you read it. Do the exercises. Take the actions recommended. Leave the other books and articles for another time. Focus on the one book for a set period of time, perhaps three months, or whatever time period seems realistic considering the content and what you are working towards. If using a book feels overwhelming, try following the advice of just one really good article .

. If you have so many things you want to work on that you can’t even choose a single book or article, write a list of all the behaviors you want to improve, then select one that is most likely to have an impact on the others. For instance, if you want to be healthier, sleep better, lose weight, and have more energy, the goal of regularly getting exercise would impact all of these areas.

It’s exciting to think about constructing a new life, but don’t sabotage yourself by taking on too much at once. If you love the idea of creating a great morning routine, such as the one organizational psychologist Benjamin Hardy writes about, but you also want to start writing a book and communicating more effectively with your kids and spouse, choose just one activity to start working on now. Give yourself at least a month to experiment with the new behaviors and incorporate them into your life before considering adding anything else.

Be Attentive As You Learn

As you work your way through the book or article explaining the new habits you need to acquire, check in with yourself frequently. Are you trying new behaviors? If not, why not? If so, how do they feel? Keep in mind what motivated you to take action. You have to be your own teacher and your own cheerleader. Figure out what’s working and what’s not and adjust as needed.

If the changes still feel overwhelming, slow down, and reduce the number of habits you are working on at one time. Some books suggest a lot of changes at once. Don’t worry about doing it the “right” way — going at your own pace is better than giving up because you were overwhelmed.

I admit that in the past I was a serial reader, not a serial doer. I’d read the self-help books, but then not follow through. Following the advice in a book takes effort and dedication. It means comprehending the lessons, understanding the actions needed, and figuring out how to schedule the new activities into your life.

I think a lot of us read but then don’t take action. I’m warning you of this pitfall so you can avoid it. Go into this project knowing it will require work, having your notebook ready for notetaking, and opening your mind to learning.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

- Lao Tzu

Commit to even just one simple action for a month and see where it leads. All habits, good and bad, start with one behavior repeated over time. Take the responsibility to build one new good habit for yourself to see how powerful you really are.

More from Dakota…

Are you a writer or dream of being a writer?

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