5 Steps To Reclaim Your Stolen Life
By: Roger A. Reid
Tags: Life Lessons, Self Improvement, Self, Religion, Life

After reading this story, I have a question for you.

What expectations would you have for this young man as he matured into an adult?

Rebellion against authority?

Atheism?

A distrust of women?

Notice how the list contains only negative expectations?

Believing childhood is a permanent influencer and shaper of an adult is a concept borne from our American culture.

The news media, contemporary literature, and conventional psychological practice reinforce the same notion: A traumatic, disadvantaged childhood will most likely produce a maladjusted adult, one who will under-perform, over-react, and be prone to acts of antisocial or criminal behavior.

As someone who believes in God, works with authority to institute change and trusts women to a fault, am I a rare exception to the cultural imperative?

Exception? Yes.

Rare? No.

I continually read about people who overcame poverty, abuse, and the influences of crime and poor educational opportunities to become productive leaders in their adult life.

What makes the difference?

Why do some pull themselves out of the physical and psychological gutter to become successful citizens, while others yield to the pressure of their environment?

I believe the difference comes from making a conscious choice — just like I did.

I surrounded myself with what I called “my personal truth” — values and beliefs that I knew, beyond any doubt, were absolutely, positively true. Keeping them in front of me, they became my guide — a map by which to navigate the early years of my youth.

I learned to qualify every word my mother said against my personal standards, instead of defaulting to her authority.

Compared to the alternative of feeling sorry for myself or wishing I’d been born into a more psychologically positive environment, putting my life first was the only choice that made sense.

Using the following five steps, I took my life back. Hopefully, they will help you or someone you know to recover theirs.

1. Separate the message from the source.

Self-appointed authority does not always have your best interests in mind.

Influenced by their own strongly-held beliefs, they need your acceptance and compliance to justify their sense of being right — to give their lives meaning and purpose.

It isn’t necessary to confront those who want to control your thoughts and actions. Just discount their input as another voice among many.

2. See the nay-sayers for who and what they really are.

Those who really love you will accept you unconditionally, and not require you to meet some arbitrary or personally-chosen standard.

Those who demand you conform to their “standards and principles” before extending their friendship, trust, or even love are trying to substantiate their own self-worth through your surrender to their subjective values and beliefs. Often camouflaged under a self-bestowed mantle of wisdom or authority, the frequent result is emotional extortion, bitterness, and resentment.

Circumstances such as family relationships, emotional bonds, or a business or financial affiliation do not give others a license to abuse you.

3. Look elsewhere for support and confirmation your ideas and opinions have value.

Find others who will confirm your personal path is valid.

Go outside your circle of contacts if necessary to find examples of those who accomplished what you want to do, especially if they had to work against difficult odds before finding success.

In my case, I had an understanding father who showed me the characteristics of a “good, Christian man” by example. He didn’t need to ascend to the pulpit on Sunday morning and fill the building with admonition and rebuke. He did it by never letting someone who was hungry leave his little grocery store without food — whether they had money or not.

In a hundred other ways, I saw exceptions in my father that proved my mother wrong.

4. Evaluate the advice, demands, and “good intentions” of others by what they have to gain or lose from the outcome.

It’s difficult to find someone who is completely neutral.

There is always bias, prejudice, and personal agenda that shape the thoughts of others. While some will be obvious, others will be hidden under the guise of authority, wisdom, or experience.

As a general rule, avoid those who bring you down, continually point out your flaws and mistakes, or tell you what you should be doing with your life.

5. Rise above your circumstances.

Don’t get stuck in the muck and mire of needing to be right.

Trying to “correct” others can be a huge energy drain. Even worse, it can distract you from finding what’s ultimately important in your life.