Looking Back at Ten Years Without Daddy
By: Tushita Bandelu
Tags: Growth, Strength, Dealing With Loss, Journey Of Life, Acceptance

My journey

With Daddy —

I’d help out with paying bills but everything else was covered by him. We lived in the bliss of ignorance.

Initial years without Daddy —

Chaos.

-1-

Mum: We forgot to pay the bills, now they’ve charged a fine.

Me: Ok. Next time we’ll pay in advance.

-2-

Mum: We paid one bill twice by mistake.

Me: Oh God! Money stuck for a month now.

-3-

Mum: We got a tax notice. We haven’t paid property tax for 3 years.

Me: But we just paid it last month. And we’ve been paying it regularly.

Mum: That was house tax. We forgot about property tax for the land our house is on.

Me: Oh God! Why don’t they charge it all together.

Now —

Mum: We need to pay bills and taxes.

Me: Let’s make a checklist before we start.

By God’s grace, now we’re getting early bird discounts.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

With Daddy —

I’d reluctantly help out with bank work but all the legal office work was covered by him.

Initial years without Daddy —

Bank work, government office work, etc. would give me headaches, physical and mental stress, strain, temper flares, etc. I actually had meltdowns in banks and even at work more than once.

Now —

It’s all a picnic. I take time off from work, carry cookies, chocolates and a buttermilk tetra pack with me. I wear comfortable clothes and shoes. I actually even help others in their work.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

With Daddy —

Didn’t need to interact directly with people. Daddy had everything covered.

Initial years without Daddy —

We believed what people said, trusted them, got fooled and cheated, cried over everything. We desperately wished that we had a man with us to protect us and fight for us.

Now —

We’re wiser and stronger. We’re no longer naive vulnerable women. I’ve also learnt to shout and hit back when inappropriately touched. Yes, things still do happen but hey, that’s life. We’ve learnt to take it in our stride.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

With Daddy —

I didn’t need to speak. He’d somehow be able to read my mind and understand what’s in my heart. I was cared for, loved and pampered.

Initial years without Daddy —

I’d be crying inside, dying inside.

Now —

I’m learning to communicate, asking for help, receiving and accepting help, asking for explanations and clarifications. I’m caring for, loving and pampering myself.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

With Daddy —

I’d want to sit on his lap (yes, right till the year he died), want to be fed, want him to pat my head till i fell asleep, want him to tell me entertaining stories of his childhood, dance with me (simple free style). We’d talk about the little games he’d play with us little kids.

I was a big-time taker.

Initial years without Daddy —

I’d remember the days with him and cry.

I became a cry-baby.

Now —

I make my niece and nephews sit on my lap, I’ve fed them, patted their heads till they fell asleep (whenever I get the chance and they’re okay with it.) I tell entertaining stories of my childhood. I have tears of joy when I see my baby nephew squeal with laughter while enjoying the simple games Mummy and Daddy used to play with me.

I’ve become a giver.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

Earlier —

I lived with Daddy and he took care of me.

Ten years ago —

Daddy died. I felt I was all alone, unloved and uncared.

Now —

I don’t feel that I’m all alone. I have loving, caring friends and family. Daddy’s still dead but it doesn’t feel that way. A part of him still lives on in me.

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