The Five Love Languages of Children
Tags: Educators, Love Language, Personal Development, Parenting Advice, Parenting

We all want to build stronger relationships with the children in our lives. Whether we are a parent, teacher, coach, club organizer, or PTA member, it’s important that we look for and find the best ways to connect with the children we interact with.

In his research, Dr. Gary Chapman — best-selling author, speaker, and counselor — has established that love is expressed in five different ways. What he calls “The Five Love Languages,” these different ways of expression are how we communicate and receive love. Every child (and adult) needs to experience all five of the love languages, but one language in particular stands out more for each person. Discovering what your child’s specific love language is will help you understand how best to show your love and support for them. Below we will discuss all five love languages and how you can use them to communicate love to the children in your life.

Physical Touch

The first love language is Physical Touch. The most common way to speak this language is through hugs and kisses, however there are plenty of additional ways to express love through physical touch. Parents can share more intimate forms of physical touch with their children, such as cuddling, wrestling, bathing, ruffling their hair and dancing together. Coaches, teachers, and club organizers can shake hands, give high fives, play patty cake, or come up with special handshakes to share with their students and players.

Words of Affirmation

The next love language is Words of Affirmation. This is one of the simplest languages for any adult to master. These can be words of praise, affection, admiration, encouragement, congratulations, gratitude and more. Words of Affirmation can also be expressed through handwritten notes, texts, emails, and over the phone. What’s most important about this love language is that your words are sincere. Children are especially good at detecting insincere comments and these words may cause more damage than good.

Quality Time

In today’s busy world, the love language of Quality Time can be hard for some adults to do. Giving our undivided attention to the children in our lives when we have alerts and notifications dinging all the time can be challenging. The best way to express this love language for the children in your life is to schedule quality time with them into your daily or weekly routine. Parents can set aside uninterrupted time each night after dinner to be with their children or schedule something fun to do on the weekends. Coaches, teachers, and club organizers can do weekly or biweekly individual meetings with their players and students to provide a space for one on one time for their questions and your feedback.

Gifts

This love language can often be over complicated, but if the child in your life prefers gifts as their way of feeling loved, keeping it simple is still effective. You can give gifts such as a flower you picked for them on your walk home, a bouncy ball you put in their lunch, or even wrapping up items you were going to give them anyways, like new shoes for school or more hair scrunchies. Coaches, teachers, and club organizers can also give gifts by leaving a piece of candy on each student’s desk on exam days, awarding a player with a certificate for being Player of the Week, giving out stickers for jobs well done, or planning a pizza party at the end of the year.

Acts of Service

For parents, coaches, teachers, and club organizers, your roles in your children's’ lives are already service-oriented. So finding additional ways to serve may seem challenging. However, you can still serve the children around you by helping them with their homework, staying with them after practice to go over a drill, making their favorite meal for dinner, helping them finish a project, or helping them study for an exam. It is also important to remember that as you are serving others, you still need to take the time to care for yourself. This may even mean letting others serve you for a change by asking for help or answering honestly when others ask if they can help you.

If you are unsure of what your child’s love language is, try experimenting with the five love languages for the next few months. Give them options such as getting a new shirt (gifts) or going to the beach (quality time). Keep track of their answers and which love languages they prefer and over time you will discover what their love language is.

Taking the time to learn and use your child’s love language can have a profound effect on your relationship and improve your child’s overall wellbeing as their emotional needs are better met. As mentioned above, you don’t have to be a parent to speak a child’s love language. Any caring adult can use a child’s love language to bolster them up and show them that they are loved and valued.