My 4 Year Old is Now a Villain
By: Melissa Miles Mccarter
Tags: Movies, Family, Parenting, Pop Culture, Coronavirus

My 4 Year Old is Now a Villain

I think the virus is making her want to be Harley Quinn

“Harley Quinn/Suicide Squad”-IMDB poster

The pandemic is scaring the bejeezus out of us adults and our children aren’t immune to the stress caused by that fear. Whether they directly fear it themselves or are just feeling our reactions, their emotions are completely understandable.

Some kids get depressed, act out, can’t sleep, or are anxious. And then there is my child — who has decided to become a villain.

The YouTube catalyst

It all started with her watching the “Soty” family, short for “Shot of the Yeagers,” on YouTube. In her eyes, they are the most energetic, fun family — for example, they have the propensity to do things like go to playgrounds to play “lava monster” together. In addition to this activity, they like to pretend like they are fighting “villains.” I think this was her first exposure to the concept of fictional bad guys. This idea of villains really got her attention.

So, it’s no wonder that, when she saw an ad for the “Joker,” she kept saying: I.Have.To.See.That.Movie.

Now, she is 4 years old. I did not like the idea of her watching anything that heavy. However, I also did not want to stonewall any interest of hers, I redirected her instead to the “Ninja Kidz” YouTube videos. These feature kids dressed as super-villains interactive, such as mini-Joker fighting mini-Batman. And, in the first video I showed her, my daughter was introduced to Harley Quinn.

Screenshot: Ninja Kidz on Youtube

It was love at first sight.

She talked a mile a minute after seeing this video and asked me a whole bunch of questions. Who is Harley Quinn? Why does she do what she does? I have to admit, I’m not up on my DC or Marvel comics knowledge. I asked her 19 year old brother to help her understand this interesting new character.

Bubby to the rescue

He proceeded to explain the backstory of Harley Quinn; as a long-time comic aficionado, he was primed with all sorts of expertise. This interest started for him around four years old, as well. I remember him dressing up as Spider-Man and I would be Mary Jane. He would pretend to save me over and over again. He had also been Joker for one Halloween as a child; he really enjoyed the newest movie version of the villain. Thus, he was very willing to impart his brotherly wisdom to his little sister.

DC Universe Harley Quinn — IMDB

He pulled up some more videos featuring Harley Quinn. They were animated and quite campy. Nothing that would scare his sister. She was enthralled and ready for more. She listened intently to her Bubby explain Harley Quinn’s backstory and what made this villain tick.

If you aren’t familiar with this character, she is basically Joker’s girlfriend. She was once his psychiatrist while he was in an asylum. Her relationship with him ends up making her go insane as well, and she ends up becoming a fellow villain.

Harley Quinn is quite sassy and basically just naughty. She’s strong and quick, and fights well. But more than that, she’s carefree. She doesn’t act afraid, even when her life is clearly in danger. She just laughs danger off with style.

Suicide Squad Poster IMDB

I mean, what better attitude to have when your life is now defined by a pandemic.

Fantasy vs. our reality

Because my daughter knows what is going on. I’ve had to be upfront with her about why I was using hand sanitizer on her when we were going to the grocery store weeks ago. I have to explain when she asks why we can’t go to the park. Or when she asks why she couldn’t see her best friend or go do gymnastics.

I explained it to her simply, saying there is a virus making people sick and we had to stay home to stay safe. We also had to wear masks and use magic hand sanitizer to stay safe if we went out.

But home is safe? Right, Mommy? She asked for assurance many times. And I’d say yes, sad I had to assure her at all.

Fantasy helps her cope

“People like us don’t get to do normal.” — Harley Quinn, Suicide Squad.

The fact is, life isn’t normal right now. In a 4-year-old’s life, not being able to go to Walmart to get a Barbie doll is just as life-altering as my husband teaching all his college literature classes now at home. My having to explain I was watching the President to learn how we could keep her safe just isn’t normal.

And, it makes sense to me that becoming a sassy, carefree, badass villain is a great way to cope.

After watching various videos online, she asked me if we could watch grown-up versions with these super-villains, like with her interest in the Joker movie. She’s pretty good at self-regulating when she’s scared of something and will ask to turn something off when she’s reached her limit, or will go off to entertain herself. She was still stuck on the idea of seeing the “Joker.” I still wasn’t sure if that was appropriate for her, so we put on “The Dark Knight.”

This had been one of her older brother’s favorites. He and my daughter watched it together. She sat in her “ball pit,” a playpen full of plastic balls, and he sat on the couch. I took the opportunity to clean the house.

As I made my way back into the living room, I saw that she was captivated by the movie. This surprised me; I had thought the pace of the movie and aesthetics would either bore or frighten her. There were moments when she hid under a blanket or fiddled with toys; otherwise she was really into it. After this, she was ready for more, but this time she made it clear she wanted a grown-up movie about Harley Quinn.

I saw that Birds of Prey, featuring Harley Quinn, had come out on demand and I put it on for her. I figured that she’d either get bored or it would engage her like the Batman movie.

Birds of Prey Poster IMDB

Again, she watched it with rapt attention. She’s the type of child who bawled through out Trolls”: World Tour” because was afraid Poppy wouldn’t go back home. I was surprised these comic-based movies featuring adults weren’t, as she likes to say, “freaking her out.”

The emotions displayed on Trolls were more realistic. They don’t included being afraid, not being safe at home, and being apart from loved ones: those are just too real. The emotions expressed by super villains and heroes are powerful, but they involve a sense of control. The fight scenes are campy and without nuance. Yes, there are scary moments, but the villains don’t demonstrate any fear. Harley Quinn, in particular, faces danger with much aplomb and humor.

More, more Harley Quinn

We went on to buy my daughter a Harley Quinn action figure and a costume. It might be an unlikely interest for a 4 year old. But, I think exploring “villainous” expressions of emotions in such an abnormal time can be healthy.

Toy, ebay

As an adult, I can’t be a villain. I don’t want to be. I want to be her safe haven.

I like that she has a way to process her anger and fear in a safe way. I can’t always keep her safe, unfortunately. But I can help her feel that way. Harley Quinn is useful for that right now.

We probably won’t go back to normal, or maybe even a new normal, for awhile. And, I keep trying to find ways to engage her while we stay home. I want to help her cope while she doesn’t have the normality of friends and external activities. This interest in villains serves more than one purpose.

Entertainment and emotional release

I can’t say that without the pandemic she would want to be a villain. I’ve read that playing super heroes is normal around her age, probably for much of the same reason. It’s a way to feel empowered at a particularly vulnerable age. Who wouldn’t want to feel that way, at least for awhile?

Fantasy can be a great coping mechanism. As long as I can keep telling her home is safe — and believing it myself — I take solace that her fears can be expressed through fantasy.

So, I will readjust her costume, tighten her pony tails, and send her off to play. My little villain, Harley Quinn, going on to fight another day.