The Art of Gentle Femme Dominance
By: Demeter Delune
Tags: Advice, BDSM, Relationships, Sexuality, This Happened To Me

Here are my top tips for how to be dominant and enjoy it, even if you are a bit shy about it:

1. Don’t be afraid to use toys.

It is best to keep your toys together in a box and then when it comes to being dominant you can have them all out in front of you. Seeing these toys can awaken your imagination, and you can see all the weapons you have at your disposal.

2. Use specific BDSM toys.

I’m talking restraints, blindfolds, gags, and so on. One really good toy to use is a chastity cage which you can have the key for. Plan in advance and make him wear the cage while you are both out and find ways to tease him. It will drive him mad! Blindfolds are great for during sex if you are not quite sure how to dominate yet. If the blindfold is on him, he can’t see you while you think through your next move and he will be waiting in anticipation for what you do next.

3. Assert yourself.

The chastity cage is a great way to do this because when he is wearing it you have full control over whether or not he can cum. You don’t need to say anything. Just be your sexy little self and you choose what happens.

4. Make him address you as ‘Mistress’.

Hearing him say “yes Mistress” to your requests will give you a whole new level of confidence. At first, it may sound weird, but you will begin to enjoy this new sense of power. Equally, tell him to use your name in sex as that can be a massive turn on for both of you and it can increase the intimacy.

5. Wear something sexy that you feel good in.

Lingerie I would suggest include body stockings and corset style bras with suspenders and tights. I would also suggest wearing a pair of heels to make yourself taller and improve your posture. They can also change your mood.

6. Try Pegging

Don’t be too shy to ask him if it’s something he may be interested in, and then if he says yes, educate yourself. I would suggest starting small, a finger or two, but you can build up to toys if it is something he enjoys. The right lube and patience are extremely important.

7. You choose when he finishes.

As his Mistress, what you say goes. You choose what you do, what he does, and when he finishes. Edge him until he is begging for you to let him finish. This is quite an important part of being dominant and can be quite effective. We naturally want to take pleasure from sex, and some of the most pleasure comes when a person cums.

8. Get your pleasure in, too.

Your partner will get a real kick out of you being dominant if it’s something they want. But don’t forget that sex is all about equal pleasure, and that shouldn’t change while you are being dominant. Do what makes you feel good and what will make you climax, and do it in a dominant way. Sitting on your partner’s face or riding your partner are great ways to be dominant.

9. Try something new.

Perhaps you could surprise your partner with a new toy, position, or outfit (etc). By surprising them with this, they will feel as though you are getting more confident being dominant and they will be happy to see you suggesting new things.

10. Communication

Like with all things in a relationship, communication is so, so important. During sex, you should have a safe word for if it becomes too much, and as you develop your character in dominance, don’t be afraid to ask your partner if it is working for them too.