Reading to Our Children Teaches Them Emotional Intelligence
By: Rachel Coons Wideman
Tags: Reading, Parenting, Emotional Intelligence, Literature, Children

Reasons for reading vary from person to person; ask ten people their views on the subject, and you’ll likely receive as many answers! Some view learning to read as a necessary evil, just a part of the “reading, writing, and ’rithmetic” lessons that come with early schooling. Others manage to fall through the cracks of the education system, graduating from high school still completely unable to read. Many people see reading as a means to an end, a way of obtaining necessary information to navigate life. Some read for entertainment, to learn new skills, and to stimulate their imaginations. All of these are excellent reasons to value the written word.

One of the strongest arguments for the voracious consumption of literature, though, is that reading allows us to have encounters we would never otherwise be able to experience. By living vicariously through characters in a book, a ten-year-old girl in Oklahoma can learn what life is like as a small Muslim boy in Iran. A wealthy homemaker in London finds common ground with a homeless young mother in the Philippines. A construction worker in the Bronx learns to identify with the lived experiences of a young soldier in war-torn Germany. All without leaving their homes or even their sofas, people across the world can learn about the experiences of their fellow human beings.

Beyond that, many studies suggest that when children are exposed to frequent reading early in life, reading can change the way the brain is wired. Though the concept of emotional intelligence has been lightly thrown around in pop psychology in recent years, emotional intelligence is associated with five primary skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, social skills, and motivations. Early and frequent exposure to reading plays a large part in the development of emotional intelligence that lasts a lifetime.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness can be considered one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. In fact, research suggests that self-awareness is the single most important factor of emotional intelligence, the cornerstone that all other facets of emotional intelligence rests. Much like it sounds, self-awareness lets us identify and evaluate our own feelings without allowing those feelings to control us. (Honest self-reflection on our weaknesses and strengths is vital to this process!)

Stopping to ponder our strengths and weaknesses can be uncomfortable for anyone, but reading can make this process more accessible by presenting strengths and weaknesses through the lives of various fictional characters. In the lives of the central characters in a book, we make connections about values, relationships, and our own identities. As every former middle schooler can tell you, self-awareness can be painful! Confronting these identity connections in fiction, therefore, can sometimes be easier to do. Vivian Howard found that “in their pleasure reading, teens gain significant insights into … self-awareness … which aid them in the transition from childhood to adulthood.” It is vital, then, that today’s busy teens be allotted plenty of unstructured time for reading that they find enjoyable, not simply reading assigned for school.

Self-Regulation

Once one possesses the ability to evaluate one’s own feelings, emotional self-regulation allows us to control and understand our own emotions, rather than allowing that emotion to be the guiding force behind our behavior. Incredibly, toddlers who have affectionate caregivers that read storybooks to them as toddlers showed significantly more ability to self-regulate one to five years later! By taking the time to read books to toddlers, we unknowingly support them in their ability to self-regulate. Because sharing a warm relationship with someone who reads to a child frequently is more likely to spur an ongoing love of books, this is a gift that keeps on giving throughout the lifespan.

Empathy

Arguably one of the most important aspects of emotional intelligence is the trait of empathy: the ability to recognize and identify with the feelings of those around us. We hear a lot about empathy in campaigns to end bullying in schools, and we often ask our children to identify the feelings of other children. Quality literature shows multiple perspectives, encouraging the reader to look at the world from viewpoints other than the one they might ordinarily take.

Intentional cultivation of empathy is key in learning to relate to others in the world and to appreciate points of view other than one’s own, and reading quality fiction to children can help them to thoughtfully consider the perspectives of those different from themselves.

Social Skills

Closely following on the heels of empathy, social skills are another factor of emotional intelligence that affect our relationships. While the term “social skills” is somewhat broad and nonspecific, it typically meant to encompass both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. When we read to our children, they observe our facial expressions, our tone of voice, and our level of enthusiasm. This is an excellent way to promote communication skills!

These enhanced social abilities can include expanding vocabulary and learning about nonverbal cues, like facial expressions and body language. Interacting with others in a safe environment such as a home with loving parents offers children a wonderful opportunity to practice various social skills. Adding fun books into this parent-child dynamic affords many additional opportunities to rehearse language, facial, and bodily communication skills.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is defined as an internal drive to succeed in one’s pursuits regardless of power or money — part of developing our own unique value systems. When we are confident in our own values, we find motivation to pursue the things of importance to us. We don’t do this because it’s what others expect, but because it is truly in line with the person we aim to become.

Children who read for personal enjoyment also gain plenty of insight into their own personal development and values, allowing them to gain insight into what motivates them. The self-development gained from this love of literature will serve them long into the future and carry them into their career and other pursuits, because they will not solely be motivated by financial gain or the approval of others.

Conclusion

It begins in the arms of a loving parent who reads nursery rhymes to their infant and continues throughout childhood a teen is capable of guiding their own foray into various genres that they enjoy. The importance of reading throughout childhood is this: emotional intelligence are key to a healthy self-concept and relationship with family, partners, and friends. These skills are most readily learned through cultivating an early love of books.

In her lovely essay “One Writer’s Beginnings,” author Eudora Welty speaks of the importance of learning to love reading: “In my day … you learned the alphabet as you learned to count to ten, as you learned “Now I lay me” and the Lord’s Prayer and your father’s and mother’s name and address and telephone number, all in case you were lost”.

It is just as Welty says. As sure as a sense of direction and a correct address, the emotional maturity learned in the pages of a book will always be there to guide a reader home.