Dating in the Time of Covid
By: Wendy Newman
Tags: Dating Tips, Dating Advice, Dating, Relationships Love Dating, Covid 19

How to get past the idiosyncrasies and annoyances of dating right now.

Copyright: 123RF Stock Photo

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

Dating right now is weird! I can only date through apps, and the guys on them are either disappearing like crazy, or they're trying to kiss ass. I mean sure, it’s flattering (or something) when they say I’m their favorite part of their day, but we haven’t even met yet.

I feel like calling bullshit. It seems like such a fake answer, and, for me, as I try to get to know someone, that ass-kissing creates distance, not connection. So right now, emails from guys either seem fake, or they flake. Is it Covid or is it me? What would you do?

June D.

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Hey June,

You’re right, dating is totally weird right now. I do not envy you.

Why don’t you try this best practice: Only talk on the phone, email, or text to set up the first in-person date.

I know, I know. You want to get to know him. You want to vet him. And you want to be efficient. But hear me out, the most efficient way is to get yourselves in front of each other ASAP. And yeah, that likely means via video for now. Your answer to Covid dating is via video — no mask required. This should cut down on the flaking, and if it doesn't, well, you didn’t even have to leave your house, so there’s that.

“Hey Cutie”

When guys take the casual language too far, or use phrases you don’t care for like “hey gal” or “gorgeous” it can be a real turn-off or show bad judgment on their part. But expressing interest and delight in you? You might want to cut him a little bit of slack. For a lot of people, this pandemic is bleak AF, so like it or not, you probably are, in fact, the sunshine in their day.

Skip The Chit-Chat — Head Straight for Zoom

You can get a taste of his true essence, his personality, and see him in action when you two are face to actual face — or camera-to-camera on Zoom. All the shelter-in-place-savvy people are doing it now. You’ll get a more accurate representation of who he is than you could from any text message.

Also, you can set up multiple dates in a row on Zoom and you only have to do your hair and makeup once — hey, feel free to wear sweatpants below the camera! Depending on your angle you might not even need to put on a bra. Now that’s making lemonade out of lemons.

Connection Over Text, Email, and Phone Isn’t Real

The bottom line is this: A lot of guys have a hard time connecting over the phone or through email, and it doesn’t mean anything about his social skill level. When you’re on the phone or texting, you can’t read body language, you can’t see someone’s expressions, and sometimes can’t even get an accurate read on the emotional tone of the conversation. Nothing is organic about it. He has no history with you. He can’t see you. He has no way to connect with you. And he doesn’t know how much or how little to share when he can’t see and interpret visual cues (same for you!) All he’s got to go on is your profile, and apparently, it’s pretty damned good because it’s the best part of his week. Take the compliment, don’t let it trip you up (unless he’s too goofy with no substance underneath), and get on that IRL or video date. And he might be awkward on video, not everyone is comfortable in that medium, so give people grace there too. There’s a lot we have to accommodate for with Covid. Hopefully, this will all be a distant memory soon.

Good luck!