Five Tips to Boost Your Sexual Confidence and Prepare Your Body for Pleasure
By: Bradlee Bryant
Tags: Self Love, Women, Self, Love, Sexuality

I used to think my oh-so-confident pornstar alter-ego was hiding somewhere under those extra 10 pounds I’d wanted to lose for the past decade. Or maybe the sexual diva I longed to be would reveal herself when I hit 30?

Then I hit 30 and didn’t magically morph into a porn star when the clock struck midnight.

The fearless sexual confidence I longed for always seemed just out of reach. Somewhere on the other side of a long and tedious road to sexual self-discovery. For years, I sold myself on the idea that sexual confidence wouldn’t come easy for me. After all, I was a little broken and my sexual baggage had become a heavy load.

But what if tapping into your very own inner sex-goddess wasn’t that complicated at all?

What if taking the pleasure I craved came naturally to my body and all the other stuff was just background noise? What if cultivating the confidence to allow ourselves to let go and enjoy pleasure was the difference between avoiding my naked reflection in the mirror and reveling in its sex appeal?

What if feeling like a sexual goddess is not a destination at all — but instead, a practice.

Much like practicing yoga, sexual confidence requires self-love, compassion, forgiveness, risk-taking, and a commitment to learning and exploring your own body. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction. There is no finish line, it’s a fluid evolution towards becoming the kind of sexual being you can be proud of.

Each tiny step makes us feel a bit more aware of our desires and confident in our abilities to find pleasure. Every single act of confidence-inspiring sexual courage gives us another boost towards bringing our pleasure to life.

“Beauty is to recognize how full of love you are. Sensuality is to let some of that love shine through your body.” — Divine Union

Getting in the mood and boosting your sexual confidence

I’ve found a few favorite strategies that continue to give me the sexual confidence I’m looking for and get me in the mood for pleasure. These techniques have become a part of my practice to become more sexually aware and help me experience a level of confidence I thought was reserved for only a certain type of sexually privileged woman.

From self-pampering to turning on mood-boosting music, it all starts with trying different things and finding what works best for you. No matter what suggestions you try, remember that sexual pleasure is right around the corner.

Don’t wait for pleasure to find you…go get it!

1. Communicate

Sometimes the best way to feel more confident about your sexuality and get in the mood is to talk. It might be the last thing you want to do, but even if it feels a little forced, give it a try.

If you’re on a solo mission, write down exactly what you are feeling. Journal about your sexual blocks, what turns you on, how you feel about your body — anything and everything you can think of that you’ve been holding in sexually. Putting pen to paper is a seriously underutilized therapeutic tool.

If you have a partner, try telling them exactly what kind of day you’ve had and how you’d like to soothe away those worries with some sexual healing.

Cheesy as it sounds, a little dirty talk works.

When I first started learning how to talk dirty I was surprised by the thrill I got from testing out different words and phrases. Going outside of my comfort zone and trying something new earned me a little extra confidence in the bedroom — score!

It sounds silly now, but I always assumed dirty talk was just used to turn my partner on. I certainly didn’t expect the act of talking dirty to turn me on quite as much as it does.

2. Pamper yourself with a bath

Drop in the perfect bath bomb or add some bubble bath, lay back, and relax. Let your worries wash away and focus on sensation alone. Allow yourself to unwind surrounded by the comforting warmth of a hot bath.

A little “you” time can ease any overwhelming thoughts after a hectic day. It helps you become more present and available to the sexual experience coming your way. Plus, you’re going to feel clean and smell amazing!

Turn off the lights and use candles for an even sexier experience. Gently touch your silky smooth skin and use kind and encouraging thoughts.

3. Create a stress-free space for intimacy

When my room is messy it makes me seriously stressed, and feeling and acting stressed-out is anything but sexy. Messy spaces or an unmade bed can trigger all sorts of negative emotions that quickly kill any sexy plans you have in the works.

Aside from making sure your space is clear of clutter, you should also make changing your bedding a priority. There’s nothing sexier than sliding naked into a neatly made bed with fresh linens. You could even add some essential oils or linen spray to your sheets to kick it up another notch.

4. Turn on the tunes

Relax, close your eyes, and let your favorite music change your mood. There’s a bunch of science behind this, but to sum it up, music taps into the pleasure center of your brain and releases all the good sexual mojo.

According to a study done by Sonos, couples who listen to music out loud together report having more sex than couples who don’t listen to music.

5. Let go of expectations

Release the expectations you’ve assigned to your sexual experience. Instead of living inside of our heads during sex, try to breathe into each moment and let it come. Allowing your breath to guide your body and determine your next move.

Gently reminding yourself to practice mindfulness might just bring you the clarity needed to feel a deeper and more confident sexual connection to your body.

Are you still struggling to get in the mood?

Don’t forget that sex hormones and stress hormones are fundamentally linked. If one is high, the other will likely be low.

Stimulants like sugar, caffeine, and nicotine also raise your stress hormones making it less likely you’ll be able to get in the mood. Kicking some of those habits or dialing them back will make it easier to find pleasure.