Semantics Matter — Cultivating a Language of Empathy
By: Frank Liu
Tags: Career Advice, Communication Skills, Leadership, Growth, Lessons Learned

Words shape how we think and are the cornerstone of how we communicate. Words matter. Words matter a lot. Often times, people argue about which words should or should not be used. Some words can hurt, while others can build up.

I believe that the goal towards creating an all-inclusive environment starts with our words. Cultivating a language of empathy can improve communication, open up opportunity to connect with others, and overall make life a bit easier. In this blog, I will share some of my approaches when it comes to cultivating a language of empathy.

1. Avoid labels, instead use active words

From my personal experience, I believe that labels are the easiest way to “other” someone else. Labels often create mental walls between the person and the person who is being labeled. Using active words creates more opportunities for meaningful connection. For example, using a [Job Title] as a label places emphasis on the job title itself while if using [Person who does Job] will place emphasis on the person as the person comes first in the phrase.

I believe even self labels can also be potentially harmful because they open the opportunity to define someone’s entire identity. This view can deeply limit and restrict a person’s willingness to step outside his or her comfort zone because that person might have built his or her entire identity around such a label. Using active words opens more opportunities for growth. For example, by saying that “I am a person who does [Job]” suggests that I can do the [Job] but I am a person who can do other things as well.

2. Avoid lazy comparisons, be accurate!

Lazy comparisons can make people feel bad about themselves without providing anything meaningful to those being compared. For example, when comparing two violinists one might say “Violinist A is better/worse than Violinist B.” Better/worse isn’t very descriptive. Does that person mean that Violinist A is more/less skilled than Violinist B? Does the playing style of Violinist A resonate more with the person compared to Violinist B? Who knows!

A better response when comparing two violinists may be like “Violinist A seems to play more skillfully and with more passion than Violinist B. I prefer the playing of Violinist A.” This response is more accurate and also highlights areas where Violinist B can improve without putting Violinist B down.

3. Avoid words with negative connotations, tend towards accurate/neutral words

Using words with negative connotations evoke negative feelings whether consciously or subconsciously. Using neutral words are simply neutral. For example, I greatly dislike the phrase “poor people” and I avoid using this phrase when describing others. The phrases “poor people” or “the poor” have a long history of negative connotations. If I said to someone “You are poor.” This would be quite hurtful, even if I did not intend for it to come across as so.

I much rather prefer using the phrase “low-income” in the place of “poor” as “low-income” is neutral and more accurate. If I said to someone “You are a person who has low-income.” This would be a more neutral statement. Additionally because I value the person and not the income status, I put the person in the beginning of the phrase to put emphasis on the person rather than the income status.

4. Simple communication makes for effective communication

Using complicated or technical jargon might make someone feel bad because they aren’t able to understand the difficult words or follow along in the conversation. Communicating in a simple and understandable way is the most effective way to communicate because everyone can understand and empathize with another. Changing the speed of how I talk, or being more intentional with my words helps me be a better communicator. It doesn’t matter what I say, but whether or not the person on the receiving end understands what I said.

5. Using words which acknowledge and value the personhood

Referring to someone how they want to be addressed shows that you acknowledge, respect and value their personhood. It might be something as simple as learning their preferred nickname. It might be learning their preferred pronoun. A little effort goes a long way and shows that you care!

For example, I personally think that describing someone as a “person of color” is a bit of an overgeneralized and inaccurate description. While most people intend for the phrase “a person of color” to mean someone who is not white, I find this phrase a bit silly. I’m pretty sure that white is also a color, am I wrong? I believe that this phrase fails to acknowledge or value that person’s cultural and ethnic background while simultaneously isolating others.

I don’t go around saying that I am “person of color” first and foremost because that’s simply too broad of a description. I might share that I am Chinese or Chinese American, as this is an accurate description of my cultural and ethnic background. If someone — say — is from India, I will take the time and effort to remember that person is “Indian” rather than just overgeneralizing that person as a “person of color.”

In Conclusion

Now this blog isn’t about me telling you what you should and should not say. Nor is it about me nit-picking and breaking down phrases I like or dislike. I do hope that you found my personal principles helpful. Ultimately, when it comes to cultivating a language of empathy it is about caring for the person. Care takes effort, time, and learning. The way that I communicate, the way that I speak, should reflect the care which I put in.