A 7 Minute Read About My 2018 & Hopes for 2019
By: Jared Wiener
Tags: Death, Year In Review

I started this on the last day of 2018 but was unable to finish and then life. Lots happened as our planet took another lap around the sun. 2018 was been full and for one of the first times in my life I am ready to leave the year and nearly all the contents behind. It may be the toughest year I have ever lived and am hoping and expecting 2019 to be better. Not simply easier, although a little easier would be nice, better. Even so, there are new friendships, fulfilling experiences, memories created, and belly laughs that occurred. It is these positives that I am committed to remembering rather than the negatives. In the next few paragraphs I will share some of what 2018 held for me and what 2019 will hold. I’ve bolded out paragraph headings, so you can skip ahead. I’m writing this for you to see what I’ve been up to, but it is also for posterity. It’s for me to visit again next year and the year after to remember this year as I remembered it at the time and for others to do so as well (including you Brookie).

Before I start with 2018, this is the second year I’ve written a Year in Review on Medium. Before starting this year’s review I read through last year’s “2017 Sucked But Yet…” — it’s a 4 minute read and is equal parts gut-punch and happiness. The three biggest impacts of 2017 are the biggest impacts on 2018, my daughter Brooke (she goes by Brookie now because she’s a big kid), my dog-hter Blixen and my wife Mary (I’ll write about Blixen and Brooke because they do not have the platform to share). It reminds me the opposite of happiness is not sadness, just like the opposite of joy is not pain, rather the opposite of each emotion is the absence of emotion. So, with that in mind 2018 was full many different types of emotion — here’s my recap.

In General:

I am a year older, slightly wiser and have had new experiences. I travelled to Florida, North Carolina, San Francisco, and Dallas. I got to see my brother three times, my dad and stepmom twice, my sister and mom once — and now everyone in my immediate family has met my daughter. More locally, I visited Bend, the Oregon and Washington coasts, Sunriver, and Hood River. Two cousins visited us in Portland, as did some of my wife’s best friend, my best friend and his now-wife. I travelled with new friends and ones I’ve known for more than 20 years having great experiences with both. In Portland I witnessed the excitement public transportation can bring to a two-year-old and gained a new appreciation for public parks and the zoo. I was in the wedding party as a life-long friend got married, faced new work challenges overcoming many, dealt with financial and family stresses that I couldn’t have imagined a year ago, and through it all did my best (although I was not perfect) to remain true to who I am.

Me & Sports:

Sports play an important role in my life. I write about them on this platform regularly and still shoot hoops at the basketball court across the street, run regularly and am a fan of: NC State Athletics, a few professional teams in the US and Manchester City in England. Man City won the Premier League in 2018 in record-breaking fashion, are doing extremely well this year and are exciting to watch. I support the Portland Timbers in MLS, but Man City have allowed me to appreciate soccer in ways I couldn’t have imagined a few years ago. It is somewhat of a childlike experience in that I am constantly learning.

For me, I went to a Portland Pickles game, a few Timbers’ matches, bounced at a trampoline park, conquered the warp wall, set a running goal that I’m revisiting (more below), and made it three years in a row for March Madness. Year four is already scheduled for March 22, 2019.

Even though I have nearly entirely shifted from playing to watching, sports serve as an escape from the stress and significant parts of life. Even though it is an escape, I cannot help myself analyzing the games and thinking about what would make aspects even more efficient, fairer, enjoyable, and generally better. I’ve written about some of these previously on the Medium platform and am committing to 12 posts this year. If you’re interested, they are 3–5 minute reads, check out the topics and share your thoughts. Things like Baseball in Portland (part 1 and 2), NFL in Europe, rule changes to soccer, and more. Also, I take topic suggestions and at least two this year will be reader suggestions.

Blixen:

Last year I wrote, “Life is hard for her and if I’m being realistic, my recap next year will almost certainly include her passing.” Unfortunately, this prediction became reality on February 11th. It’s comforting to know she is no longer in pain and I also recognize she lived a long, happy life and she had nothing more to give. I wrote this tribute piece a few days after her death and put together a photo album of many of the moments of her life. It is heartening to know how many people were touched by her and even yesterday (12/30) two people told me how she impacted them. I miss her every day and while I will get another dog a few years from now, no living creature will replace what Blixen means to me.

Brooke:

My favorite part of 2018 was my daughter Brooke. The bond we share grew dramatically and the defining legacy of 2018 for me will be her becoming her own person. She now comes up to me and says, “daddy, (lets) watch soccer” and it melts my heart. I view my responsibility to her as twofold; (1) keep her safe and (2) help her become the best version of her true self. The first isn’t easy but it’s straightforward, the second part is more difficult and the two often come in conflict. It’s giving her the space she needs to try new things, its allowing her to fail and deal with difficulty, it’s not coming to the rescue when she starts crying if she’s safe, and it’s encouraging her in both subtle and obvious ways. It’s asking her a question every day that I adapted from something Jack Harbaugh used to say to his two sons, Jim and John Harbaugh. Each morning either at breakfast or when I bike her the two miles to her school I ask, “Brooke, are we going to attack today with an enthusiasm unknown to humankind”. Sometimes she looks at me and giggles with a “no” just to get a reaction from me, but even when she does that first I always get a short and excited “YEA!” back.

In 2018 we were able to spend quality time with each of Brooke’s seven cousins, two of whom lived with us for a couple months. She loves to dance (particularly to “Baby Shark” or “Peanut Butter Jelly Time”, loves swimming but hates going in the splash pad across the street, loves the waterslide but not going down it on her own, loves bouncing on a trampoline, and as her teachers say, “she is freakishly strong” — she has the size and strength of a five-year-old. And, I see myself in both her appearance and her actions. She can be painfully shy around strangers like I was as a child, is constant motion, and sleeps almost every night with a blanket completely over her face — something my wife gives me a hard time about doing. The only time she really slows down is at bedtime. It involves a book or two, some milk, me singing her the ABC’s while I brush her teeth, then her singing them back to me, and ends with an 8-verse version of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”. When we get to the penultimate verse “electron capture core…” she says “collapse”. My favorite trait she has is when she sets her mind to something she is determined to do it. It’s the combination of my wife’s stubborn determination that has often served our family well, and my single-minded focus on something I when I am passionate about it.

2018 helped solidify something in me that I have always known. My core purpose in life is to be a father. It has always been something I aspired to be, and I knew life would be incomplete without it. I recognize this section may seem bland, domestic, and similar to what every dad experiences. It is, and I love that it is.

2019 Goals:

The new year is more than a time to reflect on the past, it’s an opportunity to let much of it go and strive for a better future. With that in mind, I have a few intentions (you can call them resolutions if you’d like, I like intention because it acknowledges from the outset that I will be imperfect in the pursuit) for 2019.

Listen More, Talk Less and when I speak do so honestly and with compassion

I have a running intention. It’s one I had in 2018 but was unsuccessful. I won’t share it on here yet, but I plan to document my progress weekly and begin sharing in mid-February with posts every other week. If you are interested, you can follow along.

Finally, I was listening to This American Life this morning (12/31) and something really stuck with me. One of the people being interviewed said, “you can do your job without being that eternally kind… but you were that kind”. I will purposefully bring this approach to my work and my human interactions.

Happy 2019 and look forward to our paths crossing.