How To Thrive When You Feel Like You’re Out of Your Depth
By: Laura Izquierdo
Tags: Work, Careers, Anxiety, Self Improvement, Motivation

How To Thrive When You Feel Like You’re Out of Your Depth

5 ways to beat the impostor syndrome

I talk to myself all the time. And I know that you do too. We all do. We all have an internal dialogue that sometimes makes us laugh out loud to ourselves when we’re walking along the street. It’s the same voice that sometimes keeps us up at night.

Oftentimes, that internal chatter we hear is negative. And annoyingly, that’s the one you keep replaying; the one that makes you feel guilt, shame, and insecurity.

Sometimes this negative voice can be useful. It can make you feel that little bit of stress that you need to work harder and make improvements.

But other times, that negativity can be counter-productive. It tells you that you’re not good enough. It leads you to assume that others can do things better than you can. You feel as though you’re a fraud; like your achievements are largely down to luck, and that one day, someone will realize that, and you’ll be found out.

Well, you’re not alone my friend. This sensation is called the impostor syndrome, and researchers estimate that at least 70% of the population will experience this at some point in their life.

Today, the covid-19 pandemic had made job stability a thing of the past. As we prepare to experience the deepest recession since World War Two, thousands of businesses worldwide are having to shut down and downsize, making a lot of people unemployed.

Being fired can accentuate the feeling that you’re ‘not good enough’, and the fear that you might be the next to go can make you question whether someone might realize that you’re the weakest link.

It’s completely normal to have these thoughts. But it’s also counter-productive. This insecurity won’t help you perform at your best. It won’t help you keep your job, and it won’t help you find a new one. It can cloud your thoughts to the extent that you’re unable to focus on the task at hand and perform at your best.

So what are you going to do about it?

There’s a reason why I’m telling you this…

Dr. Valerie Young has identified 5 different ways in which the impostor syndrome manifests:

You feel guilty if you’re not busy all the time. You don’t think you’re good enough unless your work is perfect. You don’t think you’ll be able to do ‘it’ because you’re not an expert. You don’t feel that you’re good enough if you’ve had to ask for help. You think you’ll only be good at the things that come naturally to you.

The chances are that you can relate to at least one of these thoughts. I can relate to all of them. I’m not blind to the fact that I could be the face of the impostor syndrome (please contact my agent). My default belief is that other people can do whatever it is I’m trying to do, better than I can.

The first time I felt completely out of my depth was at university. I went to the US-equivalent of an Ivy-League University in the UK to study Law. I was hard working and had always been a top student at school. But when I arrived at Bristol, everyone was a high achiever. I was just another number; I didn’t stand out, I was average.

Most of my friends had gone to private schools, or boarding schools, and spoke like the Queen of England. Their parents were Barristers, Professors, Academics. I came from a very big public high-school where kids were getting ‘binned’ and fights broke out on a weekly basis. My parents’ level of English was worse than mine, so they couldn’t make it past the first paragraph of my essays. I had no help, it was down to me. And I felt completely out of my depth.

This deep insecurity began to affect my grades. I was stressed and afraid, and these negative thoughts that I would fail clouded my mind to the extent that I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t absorb what I was reading, I couldn’t critically analyze because I couldn’t understand, and I couldn’t express my thoughts into words because they weren’t coherent and clear in my mind.

It was in my third year that I managed to flip my mental switch from negative to positive. I realized that all of the obstacles I was seeing were all in my head; just a fabrication of my imagination. So I worked to change my mindset; my efficiency drastically improved, and my grades shot up.

I wasn’t completely free from the impostor syndrome. I don’t know if I or you will ever be. It’s something that comes and goes. But once you’re attuned to it, you can take steps to manage it.

How did I do it? I’ll tell you. Here are 6 things you can do to boost your self-esteem and begin to root for yourself.