How I Learned to Convert Obstacles into Opportunities
By: Alipio De Veyra
Tags: New Years Resolutions, Weight Loss, Learning From Failure, Goal Setting, 2021 Goal

How I Learned to Convert Obstacles into Opportunities

Krisopher Roller from Unsplash

Have you ever faced an unexpected setback? A crisis? A disaster? I did. Let me show you how it can become the most valuable lesson you can learn.

Disaster

It’s the end of Fall Quarter of my third year in college. Because of the Financial Aid Office’s bureaucratic bungling, I’m only receiving two thirds of my financial aid for the upcoming academic winter quarter.

I fight the decision and win. But it’s a hollow victory. Because instead of the reward of a financial aid check I get a condescending response of “Yes, it’s our mistake. But all the money is allocated for winter quarter. We’ll make it up to you next quarter.”

The Challenge

Drop out or stay in school? That’s the first question I have to answer. After talking with friends and family I decide to stick it out. But, how? That’s the challenge.

Taking Stock

Totaling up my expenses I think, “Hmmm. Let’s see. Tuition, books, food, gas and housing… Damn. I’m over budget.”

My only asset is the temporary loan of my mother’s car for winter quarter.

I realize I can make it work if I live out of my mother’s car saving on housing. Squeezing all my classes into a shortened week, I can maximize time at home and minimize time sheltering in the car.

Inspiration

As I’m loading my sleeping bag, blankets, pillows in the back seat of the Buick Skylark sedan and throwing my textbooks, clothing and bathroom necessities in the passenger seat I recall something I’d read.

If you argue for your limitations they’re yours. Richard Bach, Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Mindset

I realize I’m settling for an unsatisfactory situation. Why not have faith that a better fate awaits me? I go from looking at the situation as a glass half empty of water to that of a pint filled to the brim with tasty Guinness beer.

I set an improbable goal of never spending a single night sleeping in the car. I challenge myself by deciding to break free of my self-imposed limitations of who I believe I am. A self image of an introverted and shy bookworm.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly. Richard Bach, Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

The Plan

To achieve my dream I ask the following boon of total strangers, my fellow classmates. “Hey, can you help me out? I’m homeless right now. I need a break from sleeping in my car. Can I stay over at your place just for tonight?”

Did I get rejected? Sure a boatload of times. But with the bravado of a single guy trolling the bars for a one-night stand, I keep asking over and over. Confident in knowing that every “No” means I’m a step closer to that single needed “Yes.”

What Happened

For the entire ten weeks of winter quarter and finals week I persist in my quest. I end up in homes, apartments, dormitory rooms, the co-op, at another university’s dormitory, fraternities and once even got snuck into a sorority on a dare.

Consequences

After the first couple of weeks I establish a stable rotation of temporary housing. On my second “tour of duty” I’d find myself constantly greeted with, “Hey, it’s Al! Dude it’s been too long. Let’s party!”

Each night instead of huddling miserable and alone in the backseat of a car in some forlorn darkened corner of a parking lot, I’d end up partying, getting fed, drunk and/or stoned.

Each morning with aching head and bleary eyes I drive to campus for a bracing cold shower and a hot meal. Never attending class, not studying in the library nor missing a work shift is NOT an option. Sacrifice and hard work are part of the legacy ingrained in me from my parents.

Parents’ Legacy of Persistence

My father was serving in the Merchant Marine as a cook when the Japanese invaded his home country, the Philippines, in 1942 during World War Two. When the United States military offered him a chance to fight for the liberation of his homeland he joined the US Army as a scout.

When General McArthur took back the country from the Japanese my father was at the forefront of the action. I still have the letter from the War Department reporting that he was “missing in action.”

Photo by Me

What happened was the reconnaissance squad he was leading got ambushed behind enemy lines. Only he and his lieutenant made it back. After the war, he was rewarded for his service with a US citizenship.

My mother was only 23 years old when she married my father who was 58 at the time. Three years later she was a pregnant widow with me in tow, in a country she was still a stranger to, with a bare grasp of the English language.

Overcoming those obstacles, she remarried, established a business and sold it to became successful real estate broker. With parents like that how could I not carry on my family’s legacy?

Results

With all the partying you’d think that winter quarter would’ve been my worst term academically. Nope. It turns out to be the best one out of all them from my five years in college. That’s due to feeling so guilty about not studying that I’d spend hours in the library the next day making up for it. Up until it was time to start the party-study cycle all over again.

I achieve my goal. Not once did I spend a night sleeping in my mother’s car for the entire ten weeks of winter quarter and finals week. I shed that old constricting self image of myself for a new empowering one. One with a successful track record of experience. That becomes the foundation for a new quiet confidence. A belief I was capable in tackling any unexpected situation life would throw at me.

There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we chose to go. Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Application

The following spring quarter I take up the challenge of being the worst student of a beginning windsurfing class. I conquer it to become a certified instructor. Later I would compete in state and national windsurfing competitions and earn a national ranking in 1987.

In 1992 I confront the challenge of being laid off from a corporate IT consulting job in Los Angeles. I move to Seattle, armed only with a sleeping bag, an unemployment check and a history degree. After eighteen months I successfully transition into the burgeoning software development industry by becoming an engineer with a telecommunications software firm.

Finally, in August 8th of 2019, at the age of fifty-nine I take up the challenge of being morbidly obese and taking six daily medications for type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and gout.

Frustrated by the ineffectiveness of my primary physician’s advice I develop my own treatment protocol based on fasting. I recruit an endocrinologist who is also an Assistant Clinical Professor with the Medical School at the University of Southern California to collaborate. As a result, I become “medication free” in only four months and six days.

And the challenges continue…

Becoming Your Better Self

First step

The first step to becoming your better self is to start by changing your mindset. Realize that your self image of yourself can be exchanged for a more empowering one that can be as easy as a change in clothing. Be warned that those who are familiar with you will be resistant to this.

Second step

The second step is defining your “North Star.” Your North Star will guide your decisions and navigate the expected vagaries of life.

Sometimes your choices may appear to be moving you away from where you want to go. It can be scary. However, as long as you are guided by your North Star you’ll be fine in the long run. From my experience when you look back you’ll discover that these “setbacks” were necessary to learn something or meet someone that will play a crucial part later in your journey.

Third Step

What are you going to do TODAY? Action bequeaths results and confidence. Otherwise, it’s not achieving a dream but indulging in delusion.