My (Relatively) Stress-Free Holiday Season
By: Rachel L
Tags: Self Care, Self Care Tips, Holidays, Advice, Family

My (Relatively) Stress-Free Holiday Season

Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash

It’s the Holiday Season! And that means, apart from huge sales in Department Stores, last-minute Holiday shopping, and college admissions decisions for high school seniors, that it’s time to spend some quality time with your family. Whether that’s your parents, siblings, or extended family, there will inevitably be moments of tension and stress, especially as we do our best to keep ourselves and our families safe with social distancing procedures and sanitizing precautions.

In the past few days, I went on an early holiday trip with my parents, aunt, and grandma to Hainan, an island province of China known for its heat, beaches, and general vacationability. Although the trip was not completely stress-free for me, there was only one rule I followed to make sure we were all having the best possible time. And that is doing my part and nothing more — saving the rest of my energy to enjoy the trip, pure and simple.

This may sound a little selfish, but let me explain. Things tend to get hectic during the Holiday season. And no wonder, too, with the family cooks concocting all sorts of miraculous dishes in the kitchen and the kid cousins chasing each other around the living room like there’s no tomorrow. That’s why a crucial aspect of maintaining a relatively stress-free holiday season is understanding which part of the chaos was mine to manage, and which part was literally none of my business. How does the Twelve Step Program phrase it? The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, etc. etc.

While there was no gargantuan family dinner in store for us this year, we did have a lot of late-night packing and logistical panic and did you bring that bag? No, I thought I told you to bring it! We got lost. We were late for some scheduled lunches. At one point, my aunt lost her driver’s license. Nevertheless, it was easier for me to remain calm in the face of these and other innumerable stressors, all because they weren’t mine to care about. I always carried my own luggage and would help out with other bags without being asked to, but to drive the car? Absolutely unthinkable. Much to my chagrin, I had failed my first Driver’s Ed test back in October, and won’t be trying again until next year. To fret about what was or wasn’t in my parents’ luggage? Also not my business. If they didn’t worry about me, I didn’t worry about them.

I know this seems obvious so far, but extend this idea a little to the emotional labor required during the holiday season, and you’ve got the underlying framework of your new self-care philosophy.

A well-meaning auntie repeatedly and emphatically remarks on the recent weight you gained? You don’t have to be the victim of her anti-fat bias. Take a step back, and let the emotions pass. Ask yourself if her bias is something within your power to change. Does she have the right to criticize your body? Is she remarking on your health or the way your body looks, aesthetically? A reasoned response that if you are healthy then the shape of your body is none of her business would do a lot more good than getting upset and hating yourself, or her. Bear in mind that this is her chaos, not yours, and try not to let it affect you.

Like most families, my family is composed of busybodies. Citing my past GI troubles, my Dad tells me at lunch not to eat this or that, for digestibility’s sake. Staring at the acne blooming across my forehead, my aunt tells my mom stories of girls who have gotten their lives back with this or that treatment, not knowing that when I was younger, I had tried practically every treatment available before landing on a skincare routine and making peace with my unbalanced hormones. Maybe it’s annoying at times. But they mean well. It took me a while to realize that the unsolicited advice is actually an extension of their love for me, another expression of care. This means that as far as I’m concerned, a high level of compartmentalization is crucial for a good time. And understanding that other people don’t own you is also self-care.

And in the end, I did have a good time on the trip. Despite the little annoyances of life, I could still take a step back and move on. Bathed in the tropical sunlight and the mundane chatter of my family, I grinned and felt at peace.