Giving & Receiving
By: Charles Davies
Tags: Money, Creativity, Identity, Storytelling

A Money Story by Charles Davies & Titia Bruning

Conversations about money are beautiful. They very quickly turn into conversations about who we are, what we stand for, what we love, what we fear — our deepest secrets, our hidden longings. Everything.

For the past decade I’ve helped people tune into their creative potential by exploring their relationship with money. But, in ten years, I never felt it was OK to write about the stories people shared with me. It felt too private. Too intimate.

On Sunday, I met up with a new colleague in a bar in Amsterdam. We weren’t there to talk about money, but it ended up turning into an unscheduled Creative Money Story session. Afterwards, I asked her if it would be OK if I wrote about our conversation. She said: ‘Yes. Yes. YES. Yes, a big ‘Yes’.’

So, I wrote my version. And then she wrote hers.

And here are both.

Part One: Giving

We’re sitting at a table outside a bar

And she starts talking about money

And her story with money.

And I say “Is that something you want to look at?”

And she says yes.

So I take out my wallet and I find ten euros and I just put ten euros on the table.

I don’t give it to her.

I don’t talk about it.

I don’t tell her what to do.

Even before it gets from my wallet to the table

Just me reaching for my pocket

I can see her shifting and moving and breathing

And then it just sits there on the table like a threat or something.

And she sits and I can see she’s thinking.

Her eyes are off in the distance somewhere.

And she’s looking and thinking.

And looking and thinking.

And in the end I tell her — don’t think about it.

Don’t think about it.

There’s no need to think.

No stories.

Just feel how you’re feeling.

How are you feeling?

And I can see she’s thinking about how she’s feeling.

“There’s no need to think. Just — you’re here now. Be here. Experience what the feeling is.”

She keeps on going off.

And we go through looking at what stories there are.

Some about not being enough.

Some about pain. Being hurt.

When she’s really quiet

When she’s spent some time with the ten euros just sitting on the table

I go to give it to her.

She flinches

And she says ‘No no! I can’t. Everyone needs it.’

I ask her if it’s possible to receive it with love.

And she says no.

And then we’re sitting either side of this table

With this ten euros in her hand

And she’s holding it out at arm’s length

And I play the part of the money

And I say to her:

“Can you let me in?”

And she says yeah…

I say “Is it true?” and she says

“No.

Deep deep down, no.”

And so I’m there playing the part of money

And I say to her:

“Can you receive me with love?”

And my heart is just … I feel the pain in my heart

Of bearing myself, asking the question.

“Can you receive me with love?”

And she says no.

And she’s a perfect host.

She’s a really beautiful host.

That’s what she does.

Hosts spaces.

But the way she hosts, it’s all about giving.

Giving love.

And it can just be a way of not receiving love.

We spend a little time with the money.

And I tell her not to think and just to feel the feeling.

And I end up giving her all my money.

Like, everything I have in my wallet.

And by the end of the time we’re sitting there

She’s happily, happily putting it in her wallet

And she keeps on saying thank you.

And not for the money

But for the moment.

She’s just shaking her head saying,

“I think this is life-changing.”

Part Two: Receiving

There’s a ten euro note lying on the table.

I feel angry.

I think, “Money makes people greedy. Money destroys. The money system divides and separates.”

I think, “I never have enough. When I want to help, I don’t have it. I struggle to cover my own needs. I never feel it flowing in the right way.”

I think, “Why does there have to be this game of give and take?”

It’s all negative.

~~

He hands me the ten euros.

And it’s hard for me to receive it.

I look at the banknote on the table, but all I can see are assumptions and experiences and conclusions from the past.

I can’t separate it. I can’t receive it for what it is: a gift.

With a lot of resistance, I accept it.

But it feels hard. So hard simply to be thankful for this little gift.

~~

Then I realise something.

Money is just one part of all that is around us.

It’s not especially good or especially bad.

It’s just a part of life and society right now.

We can use it in whatever way we prefer.

We can choose to see it as a gift.

Being ‘against’ it, (‘The system is bad! Money is bad!’), we don’t come far.

‘It’s because of them! Because they created the circumstances!’

There’s this big story around at the moment: “It’s them.”

A very popular story.

When something goes wrong — “It’s them.”

But it’s not them.

It’s always ME.

Me and the relationship I have.

With myself.

With others.

With circumstances.

With the system.

I look at the banknote and I see it as a gift.

And it makes all the difference in the world.

“The gift,” I think to myself, “is that we can use it.”

What’s your story about money? Charles Davies helps people unlock their creative potential by finding new ways of looking at and working with money. If you’d like to explore your own story about money, write to Charlie (hello@charlesdavies.com) or find out more at: How To Be Clear.