The Only Horoscope You’ll Ever Need
By: Jay Sizemore
Tags: Astronomy, Weather, Society, Astrology, Horoscopes

The Only Horoscope You’ll Ever Need

I find myself repeatedly astonished when scrolling through social media at the number of people who continue to obsess over astrology in the year 2020. Astrology has to be the oldest scam in the book, a belief that somehow star patterns that were drawn into imaginary shapes to represent deities, and the timelines of their appearances in the night sky, somehow influence human behavior and activity on planet Earth. It’s ridiculous even as a surface level idea. And yet, much in the same way psychics find success in their rubes being able to project their own lives onto their vague and generalized “predictions,” astrological personality descriptions and horoscope projections find no shortage of people willing to see themselves reflected in their random and nonsensical fictions.

Think about it this way, the stars and planets chosen to be the influential bodies in the astrological calendar are really no more important than any other stars or planets in the sky. They just happen to be the ones in select constellations that were deemed important to religious beliefs, namely the Greek and Roman gods. Everyone knows the constellation of the Big Dipper for instance. Why isn’t the Big Dipper part of the astrological calendar? It’s part of The Great Bear constellation. But it is not part of the Zodiac. It isn’t even actually a constellation, it’s an asterism, a pattern of recognizable stars found within a larger constellation. For that matter, what about the other 75 known constellations? Why are they ignored?

You might see where I’m going with this. I could just as easily pick out twelve constellations and assign them arbitrary distinctions of importance and relevance, and give them each a list of applicable personality traits based on months of the year. I could, for instance, say those born under the sign of the Great Bear constellation, during the month of June or whatever, are known to be natural protectors of the family unit, with strong bonds to children and siblings, and that they are known to be fierce when angered, and that they likewise go through phases of hibernation, liking to rest for extended amounts of time. And I could then, have a creative writer just start making random predictions based on that sign, and wait for people to recognize their own lives in those predictions. All too easy!

The idea that random patterns of stars seen from our perspective are somehow instrumental in human lives is completely absurd. All of these stars and planets are many light years away from our location. They are not actually a part of any designed grouping at all. Every single “constellation” that is named, only appears that way from our position in the universe. If we were looking at the stars from another location, say from the planet Mars, none of the constellations we know would be in the sky! If they are not a constant themselves, how can their influence be a constant? It’s all an optical illusion. Constellations in fact do not actually exist.

The biggest astrological hoax of them all, that I see on the most consistent basis, is the idea of Mercury in Retrograde. This is another optical illusion, created by the placements of planet Earth’s orbit in relation to the orbit of the planet Mercury. During certain times, the relation of these orbits creates the illusion that Mercury reverses its course in the sky before moving forward again. Because the planet Mercury is arbitrarily bound to the mythological deity of the Greek god Mercury, this takes on a greater meaning for followers of astrology. Everything from bad days to relationship statuses to car trouble is blamed on this figment of astrological imagination. Again, much like the constellations, this phenomenon isn’t something that actually exists. It’s an illusion created by a limitation of perspective. I could just as easily assert arbitrary meanings to the phases of the moon, which by the way, astrology does too.

Photo by Sanni Sahil on Unsplash

So, now that we have ascertained that the astrological calendar and all of its attachments to personality or future events is completely bogus, you may be wondering what the title of this piece is in reference to. Well, despite my assertion of the fact that constellations and planetary orbits have literally zero impact on human lives, there is one star that does have great power and influence over the daily lives and outcomes on Earth. It’s the only star close enough to do anything to our solar system, because it happens to be the star the is the gravitational anchor of our solar system. Perhaps you have heard of this star. It’s called The Sun.

The Sun influences and impacts the lives of every human being on the planet Earth literally every day. Without the sun, there wouldn’t be a day. There wouldn’t even be an Earth! The amount of sunlight a person receives impacts their mood, certain brain chemistry, and vitamin intake. The sun is also directly responsible for the climate of the world, which in turn makes it responsible for much of the weather patterns on Earth, in relation to the tilt of the planetary axis and the atmosphere. Whatever the weather is going to be like on any given day directly influences what most people will be able to do in their lives. Rainy days and seasonal depression disorders. All of these things are measurable, empirical facts of life.

Therefore, if you want to have a reliable and predictive model of what your future may hold, the only horoscope you really need is your weekly weather forecast. This is readily available from many places online, and is area specific. You can know in advance how much daylight there will be, how much rainfall there will be, what the temperature will be, etc. All of these things will have influence over your activity and your mood. And if you know them beforehand, you can prepare yourself for the outcome. The science of meteorology is not perfect, but it has come a long way over the years. Weathermen may not be able to be 100% correct all of the time, but these days they’re often more right than they are wrong.

So, stop relying on horoscopes that are likely written by college students who don’t even know the name of their own galaxy. Free up some mental space by focusing on reality instead of illusion. If you want to know the mood you will be in later in the week, go to weather.com. Type in your zipcode and be amazed at the accuracy. It’s almost like the weather was made just for you. I promise, this is the only horoscope you’ll ever need.