What Every Teen Needs From A Parent.
By: Julna Nankap
Tags: Parenting Advice, Parenting, Teens

What Every Teen Needs From A Parent.

Presence.

As a parent, you must know that your time and presence are very valuable to your teen. Being present and available to your teen doesn’t only require your physical presence, but your emotional availability as well. Be focused on him and not your phone, computer or television. Just like it is with everyone else, you look quite unavailable to your teen when you’re engaged with a screen even when you are seated next to him.

Guidance More Than Advice.

It is very important to keep communication channels open at all times rather than engaging in the formal “sit and listen” talk with your teen always. This builds an avenue for you to guide him through important decisions he has to make in life (especially at this stage of life). Find and engage in activities that will give you room to have conversations such as cooking together, taking walks, girls/boys day out, games, e.t.c. Try as much as possible (even when the urge is unbearable) to avoid arguments. Instead, it is best to assume that your teen had a reason for his actions or inactions. Ask him about it and keep an open mind. This will give you great success in influencing him by guiding him and not just throwing out advice. Listen as he weighs how to handle a situation by letting him talk it through and avoid Your Own suggestions unless he expressly asks for it.

Listen.

You must start by understanding that listening can be very expensive; you must invest your energy to it, shift focus from yourself to your teen, process what he has to say, e.t.c Listen to understand and not to scold, judge or correct. It’s not surprising that there are occasions when you have listened at length to your teen only to be told you haven’t been listening at all because he expects you to "understand" and not judge or condemn. Even interrupting can shut down your teen. Avoid panicking and jump into correcting rather than connecting whenever he tells you something scary or upsetting. Your teen will never talk to you if he thinks you can’t handle a conversation.

Be Proud of Him.

Every teen(and adult alike) wants to feel appreciated and validated often. Your teen wants you to be proud of him and accept him for who he is. This simply means resisting the urge to compare him with others(sounds impossible I know) . Although parents are often caught in the habit of using the comparison tactic as a means of motivating their teens, this rarely ever works. Being a teen already has him constantly spending his days assessing how he measures up and feeling bad about himself -he is relying strongly on you to be his greatest support and friend. Cheer him on even when he doesn’t seem to meet up with your “standards”. Speak life into your teen instead of extinguishing the one he has.

Trust Him With Responsibilities.

Your teen in a bit to grow up, is willing to demonstrate his maturity and readiness to take on more responsibilities. Part of what motivates him to do so, is his ability to gain your trust, enjoy other additional privileges as well as wanting to feel valued. Knowing that you trust him to be responsible for certain things in the home helps him feel vital to the family system and this builds his self confidence as well as confidence in his abilities.

REMEMBER, effective parenting is a deliberate, calculated and skillfully planned responsibility

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…Do it right, do it well, and create a better tomorrow.

Julna Nankap(Esq)

Parents-Teen Coach.