The Cost of Being Wrong
By: Jess Shapiro
Tags: Self Improvement, Growth, Decision Making, Choices, Self-awareness

The Cost of Being Wrong

Whether in our work, in our relationships with other people, or even just in our mundane daily activities, most of us just want to do what’s best for all involved. In different situations that’ll look different. At work, it might involve creating just the right software abstraction; in our personal life it might be figuring out a solution between one partner who’s a night owl and one who’s an early bird. And for everything else, it could range from grinding our coffee beans to the right consistency to picking the right light fixture for our new apartment.

There are costs to getting these things wrong, of course. The wrong software abstraction could result in extra labor to adapt it to future needs. The wrong arrangement for waking up in the morning could strain a relationship. And the wrong light fixture could lead us to avoid a particular room, because we wince every time we see our expensive mistake.

We always want to avoid these costs. We build systems for making decisions; sometimes learned from others, sometimes slowly developed in solitude. For my part, I try to figure out what a not-quite-worst-case-but-somewhat-bad outcome looks like. And then I assume that result and ask myself if the benefits of that choice are still worth it. From there, it’s about mitigating the worst-case.

Well, this particular light fixture might end up hanging a bit lower than I want. And it could be a bit glaring if I get the wrong bulbs. But it’ll still look way better than the overhead light that came with the apartment, and the quality of the light will still be better. So yeah. It’ll be worth it. I’ll buy that fixture. And I’ll buy bulbs with frosted glass, to avoid the potential for the light being too harsh.

We put a lot of effort into not being wrong — or at least, I do. And most of that effort goes into getting things right in the first place. Building a perfect, well-documented implementation. Figuring out just the right mutual sleep schedule, and when it’s OK to open the curtains in the morning.

But being right isn’t the only way to avoid being wrong. We can also just be wrong, and then stop.

I can scrap the work we have on a feature we’re halfway into implementing, and let my PM know we might need some more time to get it right. I can tell my partner that I just need to get out of bed earlier, even if it means a bit less cuddle time, but they can keep the curtains closed. And I can stand back, sigh, and get ready to take that big chandelier back off the ceiling, box it up, and send it off for a refund.

Noticing when we’re wrong isn’t pleasant. It feels bad. Even worse when our wrongness has hurt someone we care about, and we have to reckon with the fact that their pain is our fault. But the primary alternative to noticing and stopping our wrongness is to continue on unchanged. And in most situations (though not all), that’s a worse outcome.

So do try to make correct decisions. Put in some work; do your research; ask other people; figure out what feels best to you before proceeding. But know that sometimes, you’ll be wrong anyway. And when you hear that stubborn streak inside you saying “no; this is fine; keep going; it’s for the best”, stop, take a step back, and ask yourself one question.

Do I want to feel right, or do I want to be right?