Caring Less Can Make You a More Prolific Writer
By: Rebeca Ansar
Tags: Feminism, Personal Development, Writing, Blog, Self

My journey as a writer spans more than two decades.

It started off with me at my small wooden desk, before laptops were a thing. I would use a number 2 pencil to write poems and short stories as a hobby. I wrote before I had enough pragmatic education to contemplate the material’s market value or what kind of career I could build with writing.

I wrote for my own fulfillment.

I was eleven when I first began working on a book. In my passable handwriting, I began penning a story about a young woman who travels to another planet and gets hopelessly lost there. While trying to find her way back, she meets a man.

Yes, this quickly became a “love story.”

Actually, I think what we often call love stories are savior stories, where a man comes along and rescues a woman from the perils in her life. That’s what my story sadly became too. I don’t blame myself. I didn’t have much inspiration to write something different.

I am happy to say that I would not write the same story today. The last twenty years have molded me into a more self-actualized woman. Savior stories tend to irritate me now.

I still think that back to the fate of that book.

After filling 70 pages of a large lined, yellow notepad, I threw it all away. It was an impulsive decision. I didn’t know where the story should go, so I gave up. Years later, I realized that learning how to continue through uncertainty is a muscle. A writer must build it.

instead of focusing on the embarrassment of having this material online, it’s more constructive for the writer to focus on the fact that she can now see her own growth

A couple of years ago, I began blogging.

This whole process was quite new to me, and the historical fear of not being good enough was still present at the forefront of my mind.

As I started to blog, I put enormous pressure on myself to be excellent. I didn’t know quite what that meant, but I felt this pressure relentlessly infiltrating my process. Eventually, my feelings around writing became polluted by anxiety.

As writers, we must accept that, in order to get to where we want to be, we need to start from where we are. I refused to accept this, and it led to the second big disconnect from writing in my life.

The problem with trying to start out as your best writer-self is that this need can manifest itself as crushing anxiety that stands between you and the story you want to tell. What could be the natural flow of improving your craft instead becomes an exercise in looking at the blank page, wondering if you even have what it takes to be a good writer.

We must learn to refocus ourselves when we get lost.

I have started to believe that maybe it isn’t a good idea to consider one article or story the masterpiece. Perhaps our journeys are the true masterpieces. Our body of work speaks loudest. Our improvement is what shines.

Improvement doesn’t just have one face either.

Every few months, I can feel myself grow more as a writer. One would think that this is a wholly positive experience, but it does have a component of discomfort. I look back at my previous work and see it as subpar writing. I know that I wouldn’t write in that style or with that tone again.

In those moments, I remind myself that, instead of focusing on the embarrassment of having this material online, it’s more constructive for the writer to focus on the fact that she can now see her own growth.

We do better when we know how to.

Perfectionism and the dream of constantly producing masterpieces get in the way of the real work. Developing your voice as a writer, figuring out what you want to say, and learning how to express yourself in creative ways are much more fruitful endeavors.