Turning 20 in 2020
By: Emily Anderson
Tags: Growth, Birthday, Growing Up, Covid 19, 2020

I celebrated my 20th birthday with a dinner at a quaint Thai restaurant in Queens, New York . . . in a pandemic. My cousin, her partner, my roommate, a friend who lives in Queens, and I were the only attendees of the grand celebration of my transition (and the world’s) into the next decade.

Turning 20 in 2020 felt bizarre. I was not surrounded by all of my college friends, going out for a night in NYC was not an option, and masks covered the makeup I spent an hour doing. At dinner, I was asked what my goals for the next decade would be and I found it difficult to answer. All of my goals hinged on the cease of the rampant spread of Covid-19. I want to travel the world. I want to visit my friends’ homes in Vienna, Abu Dhabi, Syria, Kenya, Dubai, Texas, New Jersey, California, and many other places I have not yet received the chance to experience. I want to live in New York City and begin a career doing . . . I don’t even know what. In the words of Mario, a friend who attended the dinner, “I want to fall, and get up, and fly and then fall again.” I want to follow my passions. My 20’s are supposed to be all about exploration, breaking out of societal norms, not living up to expectations, going on adventures, creating a life for myself. I never expected the world, when I turned 20, to look like this.

Amidst the uncertainty I found myself pondering on, not only my expectations for the coming year, but also the key moments of my past. Memories from the last ten years of my life came flooding back. What was the impact that I had on the people around me? Was there any at all? Do others cherish memories of me like I cherish memories of them? I posted an Instagram story with the prompt: favorite memory you have of/with me, and I was elated by the responses I received. My closest friends responded with precious memories: freshmen year of college going shopping at Target for Christmas decorations for our tiny shoe box of a dorm room, a night spent on a rooftop in Brooklyn staring at the skyline and the stars trying not to freeze from the frigid February air, cleaning while listening to country music, spontaneous ski trips, going to concerts together, matching Halloween costumes, traveling to Hawaii, doing homework together or just simply complaining about the professor, strange parties that ended up being incredible nights, road trip shenanigans, spring break, my hugs. I have so many beautiful memories with so many beautiful people and for this I feel an abundance of gratitude.

When I read the responses submitted through my Instagram story I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who had favorite memories with me and I was saddened by those I have favorite memories with who did not see it necessary to respond. “May the bridges you’ve burned light the way” was written on a set of shot glasses sitting in a Bronxville shop window my roommate and I passed on our walk into town to retrieve birthday cupcakes. The perfect reminder. The people who I am not taking with me into the next chapter of my life are incredibly special to my story. They have been my guidance. They pushed me to become the person I am. They inspire me to dream big dreams, and then achieve them.

Turning 20 feels like what I imagine a plant to feel like when it breaks through soil. Roots have been planted, nutrients have been received, but breaking through the soil was painful. Now that I am through, I have to find the sunlight, drink enough water, and grow as tall as I possibly can, spreading vital oxygen and pollen to the rest of those who need it. Contributing to the necessities of life. Burning bridges and continuing to move on to bigger and better things.

The last decade of my life was an immense period of growth. I completed middle school, graduated high school, and concluded my first two years of college. I completed the bulk of my standard educational years, yet there is so much left for me to learn. I travelled to Hawaii, Spain, England, Colorado, France, The Florida Keys, Rome, Wisconsin, and many more places and still there is so much left for me to see. The same friends who responded to my prompt of favorite memories described me as: determined, caring, adventurous, inspiring, courageous, independent, radiant, strong, passionate, kind, beautiful, creative, thoughtful, fearless, fun, loyal, considerate, fiery, stubborn, funny, sporty, mature, openhearted, intelligent, protective, life of the party, unique, talented, smart, lovable, and adorable. These are all characteristics that I grew into but there are so many characteristics I will still grow into.

In recognizing the growth I have been able to experience, I feel mournful of those who were unable to reach the same milestone that I have. Trayvon Martin was 17 when he was shot and killed. Tamir Rice was 12, Michael Brown was 18. I learned and unlearned about various forms of systemic oppression; standing in solidarity with protestors during the women’s march in 2017, the climate strike in 2019, and today in 2020 with Black Lives Matter, fighting a system determined to remain unchanged. I am heartbroken by the current climate crisis as I continue to obtain knowledge and work towards reducing my own carbon footprint. It shocks me that in 20 years I have been able to grow and learn so much through my own lived experience. I will continue to grow and learn all that I can. Returning back to the question asked to me at my birthday dinner: in the next decade I hope to see an end to police brutality, a cure for Covid-19, a solution for world hunger, and equality for all.

As I reach this milestone with a heart full of gratitude, there is a tinge of nostalgia accompanying it. What does it mean to no longer be a child? The comfort of naivety slips away as society grabs me with it’s cold firm hands pulling me into my life of servitude. Is it my turn to create this comfort of naivety for other? What are the contributions that I will make to the advancement of the world? I am hopeful for what is to take place by 2030.

I invite all of you to ponder over your expectations and desires for the next 10 years of our collective experience.

Achieve them.

Grow as much as you can.

Burn bridges and keep moving forward.

So here’s to turning 20, and happy birthday to me.