LIVINGNOTES Q & A: WHEN TO HAVE A BABY?
By: Olya Hill
Tags: Large Families, Baby, Work Life Balance, Pregnancy, When To Have Kids

Let’s talk about one of the frequently asked Q’s: when is the best time to have a baby? I feel like this is one of those “the chicken or the egg?” questions and it depends on SO many factors. There are pluses and minuses to both sides.

I had my first child in my mid-20s. The pregnancy was physically easier, even with 9 months of severe morning sickness, the recovery was easier, and although it is physically exhausting to be a new mom at any age, my body definitely had much more strength on a lot less care.

There is an age factor to consider. I love being close to my older kids — it feels like we have a lot of common interests and they see a friend in me (us, really), which — though doesn’t have to be age connected — is a little easier with younger parents.

The downside is, that the 20s is the stage in life when most people are still getting established, many are even students still. So, a young family usually does not have as much to offer from the financial part and the working hours are long, vacations maybe few or non-existent. But then again, there is a romantic portion to it too, and personally, I have some of the warmest memories of those early years. Challenging, yes, but oh, so wonderful.

Another downside is that at 20-something you just see things differently. There is nothing that one can do about it — just like a child at 2 is different from a child at 5, this stage also changes as years go. It’s neither bad or good: it’s just different. How you see your children in 20s is different from how you see them in 30s. And I am sure, 30s differ from 40s too.

I had Elia at almost 35. I will say that the pregnancy was more difficult with her, even though my body was in the best medical and physical shape: I put a lot of care in replenishing my body in between pregnancies and supporting it during. But still, the pregnancy was more challenging

For the first time, I experienced those aches and pains pregnancy books talk about, for the first time I faced some of the issues, even though I went far and above to ensure everything in my power was done to the T to keep the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of pregnancy perfect.

The recovery was tougher too: I got that “I think I can do it while I actually can’t and should be laying down and letting my body heal”. Add 5 more kids to this, and recovery was not that simple.

But the part about seeing your baby differently is HUGE. Yes, she is 6th, and that has its effect too, but it seems that there is nothing that Elia can do that can kick me out of balance. Everything is just too cute, even when she throws a fit, but at the same time, there is enough of understanding and experience in my “mothering” head to know when to put a stop to certain behavior and when to just close my eyes on it.

Time flies way too fast today, and just over the course of life it seems that with age you enjoy the moments more than in the earlier years: life teaches one to do so. But then it’s this life that has another flip side to it: with experience comes caution. At 20 something some thoughts haven’t even crossed my mind: everything just seemed simple and doable. Magically, it worked that way too — probably, because I didn’t know that it could have the other option. At 30-something I already had enough of life experience that taught me (in person or through others) that bumps can happen and inevitably the worry — founded and unfounded — creeped in.

Also, once you start going on a certain path, it is progressively more and more difficult to find the right time for the pregnancy: life just goes by too fast and it seems that just “a little later” may be better. I can absolutely see myself having a first baby in mid-thirties and feel like it was too early still.

What are your thoughts? Share the experiences! Although it was planned, I never thought I would be a mom at 20-something before I met my husband. I didn’t even plan on getting married before 27–28, but I could not be happier with what life had planned for me. What’s your take on this topic?