How to spend Christmas Day alone
By: Harriet Kotta
Tags: Lockdown, Alone, Loneliness, Christmas, Covid 19

Image: Seoyeon Choi

In 2016, I spent most of Christmas Day completely alone.

I had some options, but none felt comfortable. My sister was spending the day with her husband and large band of in-laws; I didn’t want to feel like a satellite to their jollity. I wasn’t close to either of my parents, and I was too proud to fish for invites from wider family. After a bad period of depression, I had left my career at a not-for-profit and was working minimum wage gigs in shops and restaurants.

My boyfriend at the time accepted a shift at the hotel where he worked; after a delightful extended on-off holiday romance, we’d decided to give it a go when he wanted to move to the UK to work — but we knew by Christmas that it had fizzled. I resigned to spend the day alone.

How bad could it be?

As I found out, the answer depends on how much meaning we put on the day itself. I discovered that I had iced it thickly with significance, and drowned it in more emotional sprinkles than the wonky mountain of a Christmas cake that I proudly presented to my family after Home Economics in 1995.

I met with some friends for breakfast who were practising Buddhists like me, but despite our comradely chatter, I felt hollow. The magic of Christmas Day had been burned into me through a Catholic upbringing played out against repeat showings of A Muppet Christmas Carol. I felt enormous grief.

This year, many of us will be facing Christmas Day alone. And this time, you can’t jump on a flight or sit in a restaurant and rewrite the story. It feels inescapable.

There are, however, ways of letting in the light. And this year we are all navigating it together. Here’s what I learned.

Celebrate

It goes without saying that if you don’t celebrate Christmas, can’t stand it or will be at work, being freed from the festive grind might be a welcome relief. Wallow in that freedom from FOMO.

But if you enjoy Christmas and tend to go all-out on the day, don’t break that tradition for 2020. Bust out the red lipstick, sparkles, smartest suit or light-up eco-nightmare jumper and party like it’s 2019. Is there a chance you’ll end up a mascara-stained sobbing mess by 3pm? Yes. But let’s be honest, that can happen in any year. And on that note…

2. Cry

The enormity of loss might just be starting to catch up with you by the end of 2020. Letting that grief out through journaling, shout-singing or having a bawl could be a really healthy way of channelling it. Keep an eye on how long you feel like this though, and if thoughts start to spiral or you can’t stop, make sure to speak to someone immediately.

3. Connect

In 2016 when I faced my solitary Christmas, video-calling someone was seen as a bit weird. It was something your mum did by accident, rather than the commonplace communication method it is today. This year it could prove to be deeply comforting to be able to see friendly faces. However, setting boundaries will be important too. If you need to change the time of a chat or change your mind entirely, know that you can.

Similarly, social media could be a really supportive space. (Sarah Millican’s #joinin Twitter campaign is running for a tenth year, and has never been more needed). But again, keep an eye on your thoughts; if they start to take you too far into the shadows, put down the phone for an hour and do something else.

4. Walk

As well as offering all the benefits of daylight and exercise, if you can get outside, being able to wish “Merry Christmas” to neighbours and strangers from afar could be a big boost. This is the part of the day I’m most looking forward to.

5. Pack your schedule

Write yourself a timetable and put every single activity on it. Having a shower, calling a friend, watching a movie, making lunch. Blocking out time can help keep your thoughts focussed and the day pass more quickly.

6. Ignore it

Plan a completely different day and plough through life admin. If it’s too hard to find positive moments, you can write the day off and use it to prepare for the better days ahead.

7. Know it will pass

Spending Boxing Day alone doesn’t carry nearly as much weight. The day will end, the pandemic will end. Our life on Earth is cyclical. Don’t take the memes to heart — the winter will turn to spring.

Information on getting mental health support. You never have to suffer in silence.