Mama Whom I love
By: Nina J
Tags: Birthday, Love, Relationships, Mothers And Daughters, Family

Every year without fail, January 23rd would be a day of celebration and declaration of love for the woman who gave me life — mama.

Mama was no ordinary woman, she had a gift— the power to love that would cause a change in people.

Being a hard woman on the exterior with yet had a heart so soft it would be comparable to that of a marshmallow. She was always the balance of both. She was the yin and yang factor — mama worked hard and never complained. From being a businesswoman who ran her own companies, to being a full time loving mom who ran home affairs, mama still made sure none of her children lacked — we were guided physically, emotionally, spiritually, and, financially. We had it all and we had it good.

There were days she was soft like a pillar of cloud, floating in the laughter of happiness but there were also days where she boiled like a rising sun. Oh, how I miss both days.

Mama was my first best friend, she knew my secrets yet made no judgments;

Mama was my comfort through sleepless nights;

Mama was my protector, she made my demons go away;

Mama was my first love, from the day she laid eyes on me, love was all she spoke.

For the past 11 years, January 23rd was not the same. There were no secret surprises, no leaving love notes on her bed, no handmade cards for her, no cakes, no birthday song, no more.

My heart longed for mama just as if I longed for a best friend to call me back on the phone anxiously. Except that, the phone hasn’t rung and deep down I know it wouldn’t.

In the book “The Wisdom & Teachings of Stephen Covey”, he asked a mind-boggling question in the final chapter:

“When you die, who would attend your funeral and what would people have to say about you?”

It made me pause and think…. hard. I was searching for memories and experiences in my mind to convince myself that I had done enough to leave my mark in this world. The monologue in my head was intense. Pausing that thought to check my calendar, I saw that it was the 22nd of January — a day before mama’s birthday. Hot burning streaks of tears rolled down my cheeks and there it was — the uncontrollable weeping of a night.

I’m still composing answers on Steven’s question in the book for myself, but I can speak for mama. Today, I choose to honor her and all my memories of her with the telltales of this story.

In her lifetime of existence, mama knew about love and life beyond what is expected and taught. She was selfless, fierce, responsible, dedicated, delightful, beautiful, wise, spiritual, funny, but most of all she was MY mama. I cannot emphasize how proud I am of her for all of her life’s sacrifices. Why? Because in 11 years of her demise, she was never forgotten, there were things so incandescent about her still. People would still talk about her and wear a certain smile when they described her and memories of her. It was always something positive.

My friends would recall her coming to pick me up from school every day in a white car, my brother would remember her praying with us every morning, my neighbors remembered her radiance and gracious offerings, friends in the community remembered her contributions but everyone remembered her presence.

So 11 years later, with a heavy heart but comforted spirit, I dedicate this post to my beloved mama to honor all of her great influence in all the lives of the people she has touched in her walk of life. While she may not be with us physically, the lessons, experiences, journeys, and memories she’s left with us will never fade. And even in her physical absence has she never been more present. That is the true hallmark of leaving an imprint in peoples’ lives changing them forever. That was mama’s gift, mama’s love changed people in ways beyond her imagination.

I love you more today than I did yesterday, mama, happy birthday.