It’s Not “Easy” Being Bi+
By: Robert Cohen
Tags: Mental Health, Pandemic, Bisexual, Queer, Bisexual Men

Being bisexual is uniquely challenging for a variety of reasons. It is particularly invisible, so there are fewer role models or mentors to look up to. This can cause bisexual people to struggle more to understand themselves and contextualize their experience.

Bisexuality doesn’t fit neatly into our very binary society, so it can be difficult to explain and get people to understand.

Bisexuality is also conflated with non-monogamy, so it can be hard to build trust in a relationship and to not be seen as promiscuous.

Whatever the reasons, studies repeatedly prove that being Bi+ is not easy. Physical and mental health outcomes are significantly worse for bisexual people when compared to straight people and, yes, even when compared to gay and lesbian people. (Though importantly, trans and non-binary people have equally poor or even worse outcomes — an important reason for trans/Bi+ partnerships and mutual support.) For example:

Bisexual people are less likely to be out to their doctor, so they are more likely to not receive critical information about their sexual health.

Bisexual people have higher rates of cancer, hypertension, obesity, and risky drinking or drug user.

Bisexual youth experience more dating violence than their heterosexual, gay, and lesbian counterparts. They are also more likely to be bullied at school and less likely to be aware of queer support systems (like GSA) available to them.

Bisexual people report higher levels of discrimination in the workplace.

Bisexual people are more likely to live under the poverty line.

Bisexual people are significantly more likely to have anxiety, depression, or other mood disorders.

Bisexual people are more likely to experience suicidal ideation.

And a new study just published in August of 2020 found that Bi+ people have up to 6x the odds of engaging in non-suicidal self injury v. heterosexual people and 4.5x odds v. gay men, and that symptoms of and anxiety and depression were most commonly associated with non-suicidal self injury for Bi+ people.

The science confirms what most Bi+ people experience: it’s hard. The ability to pass for straight is not always a privilege — it more often feels like a burden.

Being able to pass might shield bisexual people from targeted discrimination or harassment, but it also forces us to repress our thoughts and feelings and blocks us from connecting with each other and being part of the queer community. This is one of the most joyful parts of being queer — to belong, to connect, to know that other people think and see the world the same way you do— and it is all cut off if we pass for straight, whether by choice for our protection, or implicitly by other people’s assumptions.

Sexuality is a spectrum, but we live in a very binary world, so people in the middle of the spectrum often feel attacked from both sides, unwelcome in either.

But we can change that.

Bisexuality is awesome, so let’s own it, at least internally. And if you feel safe to come out, being open and honest can fight Bi+ invisibility and erasure and help others understand our experience.

If you don’t identify as Bi+, try not to judge if our experience is “easier” or “harder” than yours — just recognize that it is different, real, and comes with its own unique challenges.

Queer people have generally suffered from more mental health issues than others, and the Covid-19 pandemic is exacerbating those issues even further. One of the most important things you can do to combat this is to talk about it — with friends, family, a therapist, or a support group — and listen to those who could use some support. Now more than ever, let’s acknowledge the challenges of being Bi+ and take care of ourselves, and each other.

I’ve listed more data and research below, and the most recent episode of my podcast, “Two Bi Guys” explores queer mental health during the pandemic — and there are resources listed in the show notes for those currently experiencing a crisis. Take care.