Design Leadership: On Being Your Genuine Self
By: Matthew Godfrey
Tags: User Experience, Leadership, Design, Career, UX

Design Leadership: On Being Your Genuine Self

Be the leader you are, not the one people expect you to be

Photo: Hero Images/Getty Images

This is the first in a series of short pieces on leadership, written from my perspective as a design leader but applicable to anyone in any discipline who is acting in a leadership position.

The veil of leadership

During my early days of moving into a leadership role, I was a different person from who I am now — not just in terms of experience, skills, and confidence, but in how I projected and conducted myself. My behavior was strongly influenced by and consciously adapted to how I wanted to be perceived by others.

But why do we feel the need to act in a certain way or carry ourselves differently from who we really are?

You might say I was wearing a mask or hiding behind a persona, afraid to act and behave differently from how I assumed someone in a leadership position should act. Oh, to be the iconic design leader: strong, resolute, inspiring, infallible. I’d created a mental model for the leader I wanted to be—but was that true to who I really am as a leader?

At times, we find ourselves wearing a disguise or assuming a persona in keeping with the type of leader we aspire to be or believe is expected of us. The hero, the diplomat, the political spokesperson, the charismatic charmer, or battle-hardened war veteran: These are the archetypes society traditionally holds up as embodying the characteristics of great leadership.

But why do we feel the need to act in a certain way or carry ourselves differently from who we really are? Why is being the same good, and why do we shy away from being true to ourselves and those we work with day to day?

The humanity of leadership

Reality check — you’re human, and therefore fallible, just like everyone else! You make mistakes just like everyone else. You have bad days just like everyone else. It’s not a sign of weakness to show vulnerability, to admit to mistakes, and to fess up when you’re not firing on all cylinders. It’s okay for you to seek emotional support when you need it and ask for help in difficult times. This does not make you any less of a leader.

You’re a leader and have earned your place, but that doesn’t mean you have to recalibrate to fit someone else’s definition of leadership.

Do you assume one demeanor at work and another at home? If the answer is a stark yes, then try to bring a bit of your personal life into your work. Yes, you heard that right: Contrary to popular belief, there doesn’t have to be a hard and fast delineation between what’s personal and professional. A big part of building lasting relationships is finding meaningful connections, and to connect you have to be prepared to blur these lines.

But finding that balance between “boss” and “friend” can be tricky, right? On the one hand, you want people to respect you and take you seriously in a professional capacity, but in reality, everyone wants to be liked. While these two concepts are not mutually exclusive, it is hard to find the right balance, and there will be times when the two conflict. Having honest and candid conversations with the best interests of the individual in mind is how we walk that line. Motivation and intent are key.

You can’t and won’t be liked by everyone; that is a very simple fact of life. Get over it. Stop trying to win the hearts and minds of everyone you work with. Accept that you may have long-lasting, fundamental differences in approaches, values, and morals that some folks may not align with… and that’s okay. Be civil, be professional, but don’t do yourself emotional harm by trying to be liked by everyone, all the time.

So how do we negotiate this minefield of conflicts and contradictions?

Bring your whole self to work, every day

In the simplest of terms, learn to be yourself again. The person your family and friends see; the real you. You’re a leader and have earned your place but that doesn’t mean you have to recalibrate to fit someone else’s definition of leadership. Own it, be you, bring your whole self to work every day, and you’ll start to see the benefits:

People will see through the facade and ultimately respect you more for it.

You’ll build trust as it shows you’re a genuine, sometimes fallible, human.

You’ll create empathy as people relate to your hopes, fears, and motivations.

Honesty and vulnerability will create a sense of psychological safety.

By asking for help, you’ll give others the opportunity to step up.

Don’t hide behind a mask or assume a persona, if that isn’t a true and genuine reflection of you and what you stand for. Be yourself and bring everything that comes with that. Show your battle scars, share your stories, and relish in the fact we’ve all been there at some point.

Be proud, not embarrassed by your authenticity.

Be the leader you are, not the one you think others expect you to be.