Internalised Queer Erasure: The Struggle to Exist
By: Sean Bennett
Tags: LGBTQ, Equality, Education, Queer

I sometimes think I don't exist.

Let me tell you why.

On a warm summer’s evening, I sat on the seafront where I grew up with an old school friend, and we talked. We talked about life since leaving our hometown and, as we wolfed down our late-night pizza, reminisced about the good old days as the waves lapped at the shoreline out there in the darkness.

As the night drew ever colder and the cider began to fade from our addled minds, the conversation turned. In the light of the same moon that shone down on us as children, we discussed our shared history in the small seaside town we called home for so long.

For us, belonging was always going to be a lifelong conversation. My friend had come out fairly early on in high school, whereas I had lagged behind until the second year of university. Our experiences had been different, no doubt, but aspects of our childhoods, of our shared education, were identical.

It's hard to detach yourself from your roots, we decided, as the lights from the amusement arcade twinkled above us. The places where we grow up and the lessons we learn there are forever seared into our minds, for better or worse.

Thankfully, we both had many happy memories of our town, and indeed of our school, where we and our friends had regularly taken the drama department by storm. All in all, we had been happy there.

There was a lull in the conversation. A dull breeze rolled across the promenade as we stared silently out towards the waves, our pizzas now half-eaten and rapidly turning to stone.

‘We didn't really learn about LGBTQ+ though, did we?’

No, we didn't. The brave teachers who dared to take on sex and relationship education in our school, of which I only remember there being two, would never have dared to mention such things.

It wasn't that they were homophobic, at least not to my knowledge, but I would have bet money on them being ignorant to the extreme. Asking them to teach kids about non-hetero relationships would have been like asking a french opera singer to teach quantum mechanics in Swahili.

So, instead, the teachers opted for the usual mix of cheesy PSA-style videos that tried desperately to be ‘down with the kids’ and nervous prophylactic demonstrations during which eye contact was avoided at all costs.

In short, everything a young person needs to forge ahead with healthy relationships and safe sex practices…

To be honest, I don't blame them for the poor quality of the lessons. After all, misinformed or ignorant LGBTQ+ education could have been even more dangerous than none at all. Badly delivered information might even have lead to homophobic mockery and abuse at the hands of other students, who had their existing prejudices confirmed by equally ill-informed teachers.

Perhaps, if the teachers really were that ignorant, the whole LGBTQ+ issue not being mentioned was for the best.

It would have been nice if they’d tried though.

Nowadays, that wouldn't be acceptable, of course. As LGBTQ+ representation increases, so too has the demand for high-quality, accurate education on the subject. Thankfully, it is becoming more mean more commonplace to see inclusive relationship education in schools, at least in the UK, though that is not to say that there hasn't been some backlash against it.

Either way, things have improved since we were at school. But for us it’s too little, too late.