I Want a Threesome. But Do I Really Want a Threesome?
By: Octavia Morrison
Tags: Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Self, Lifestyle

I’m seeing a guy in a casual way. We don’t call it a relationship, we are not in love, but we really like to fuck each other. He’s nice and funny and respectful. He emanates a very strong masculine energy and I can easily be a woman next to him.

Our main focus is sex, and even though he seems genuinely interested in my day and my job and never forgets to ask about my kids, sex is what binds us together. This is how we pass our time together; this is what we chat about; this is what we talk about on the phone.

Recently he asked me if I was open for a threesome anytime.

I felt very brave and unthreatened, so I said an enthusiastic yes.

Today he brings it up again, that we should really go for it — if I still think it’s hot. I am nodding again, with a little lump in my throat, but mainly from finding it sexy and from being just a little bit frightened.

And he drops the ball in my court. If I want a threesome and I want the third party to be a woman then I should get someone.

We’re through the conversation whether I have a friend who I could ask — I am a little ashamed to admit that I don’t really have close friends, and I’m not twenty anymore where friendships are about partying together with my girlfriends, involving lots of booze, loud electronic music and French kissing strangers and each other in the heat of the moment.

In short: no, I don’t have a friend to ask.

He offers that he has a friend who would join, but then it would be two men and one woman, and it makes me immediately anxious. We have been seeing each other casually for a few months now, I trust him but it still makes me freak out. To think about it, I have to admit it’s hot, but the possibility is just too close. And his friend was a little bit too eager to join us. And I didn’t like his picture as much as he was crazy about mine.

So, we quickly ran out of options.

Well, it didn’t take too long for him to suggest me to get on Tinder to look for a woman.

And as hot as it sounds, it freaks me out.

And I start to wonder if this is really what I want. Is having a threesome really an unfulfilled fantasy that I wish to pursue or is it just a vague image that is nice to think about while touching myself and rocking myself to sleep?

I am thinking about female bodies a lot. If I watch any porn it is usually lesbian porn, with beautiful bodies, long thighs, nice breasts and shaved pussies. Watching a woman licking another woman’s clit is double the sensation, as I am imagining myself both as the giver and the receiver at the same time.

I like the gentleness and the smoothness visually — it makes me horny and it makes me want to be both of them.

When it comes to lesbian porn, pleasure looks a lot more authentic, they enjoy touching each other, licking each other, making each other come. Orgasms look credible and genuine, and if it’s a really good piece I can pace myself to come together with them.

Also, there is something incredibly arousing to think about making a guy crazy just by being occupied with each other — make him horny, make him hungry, to exert double the power than I would alone anyway.

And then after all the softness, smooth skin and limbs — finishing it with some rough masculine power, strength, hardness and preferably a bearded face kissing her taste away.

It sounds all very… hot. But am I ready for this?

I keep telling myself I am ready, but… it would be nice if I didn’t have to organise it, if I didn’t have to worry about how will it fit my schedule (you know, where do I put my kids or how do I leave them home alone), if I could be sure that I didn’t start to freak out about my body and being judged by another woman.

When you fantasize about something you don’t imagine your own cellulite, you don’t think about how firm your skin is — in my fantasies she is perfect and so am I. And unless we are paying for a very high-quality escort girl, I cannot expect any more perfection from an everyday woman that she could expect from me.

And there we are back to me being self-conscious about my own body.

Which sucks, because this casual boyfriend of mine happens to love my body and curves and even though we are not calling our encounters a relationship and we are focusing on sex — he still validates me. And now this whole situation of a possible threesome is just bringing up issues I shouldn’t worry about in the first place.

I envy him, because he doesn’t worry about this at all. He wants another body, and that’s it. He doesn’t have any more preference but what I find good enough. Talk about responsibility!