self-sabotage?
By: Bullshit Detector
Tags: Solutions, Substance Abuse, Family

how much you love yourself? i bet you love yourself a lot. you have a life, an average one - father, mother and siblings. you’re a young adult with plenty of dreams and potential to be happy. you meet someone, you both get married, you graduate and get a good job, then… you get pregnant, the dream of your husband! three years after the birthday of your son, your husband dies. you’re now a young widow, left alone with the responsibility of raising a child. your precious boy. the baby grows up and you always do and give him everything he needs. soon the boy starts to develop his own tastes. your son now knows what he want. and you need to make sure your son is happy so you always give what he wants. he always have plenty of food, videogames, money to going out… always the better of the better. the childhood of your son is amazing.

but frankly right now sometimes you shout that you regret making him. he’s 27 and still lives under your roof. unemployed, brought a random one as a partner. it’s weird, the three of you lives in the same house but you barely see them. they’re always in their bedroom… the morning comes and with it your son comes to you and asks for some “pennies” … something about 150 dollars. he begs you, claiming that the cash is for train tickets, food or the health assistance of your granddaughter that lives with their mother, that before breaking up with your son was under your roof for the last 4 years… your precious son promises to return the money later in the same day and because of your inability to say no to him, you give what he asks. he leaves with that cash then come home 1 hour later, lock himself with his girlfriend in the bedroom until the night and he never returns the money…

the morning comes again and with it your son… well… you can’t understand why your son doesn’t bother about improving in life. you know that your son have a problem with substances and where all that money is going. you both don’t talk with each other a lot and substance use is a forbidden topic. maybe deep down you can’t accept that your precious baby have a problem. days come and go, nothing seems to change but you still have faith that things can become better. the fact is that in the end of the day your son lied to you again. you don’t know what to do and frankly i’m not in your skin to understand exactly what makes you act the way you do… nothing personal, i don’t want to offend anyone but all i can see is self-sabotage.

breaking habits is not that easy, and breaking vices is worst… when they merge together… it’s not clever to expect an endless cycle like that to suddenly change. better setting rules and accept reality the way it is. mostly accepting and talk freely about drugs… accepting that your child have a vice and dealing with that naturally. if you keep pretending that is not happening… you get that, nothing ever changes.

if i can suggest you something, here’s my idea: you must have a deep sincere and peaceful conversation. the rules you need to set are simple: both your son and his partner can live under your roof, you’re going to keep providing everything. you need to make it clear that you know that both have a drug problem and there’s no reason to hide and feel ashamed but they must need to find a job to afford their vice. if they don’t, don’t let they live with you. simple easy and most important: clear. make the rules clear. stop pretending that nothing is happening. be nice and talk firm… put the facts on the table, don’t make a medical situation sounds like a crime. offer help, set boundaries and plant seeds… without support it’s hard to them to evolve.