Family Announcement: I Am Free to Make My Own Mistakes
By: Lisa Martens
Tags: Holidays, Humor, Life Lessons, Family, Relationships

Family Announcement: I Am Free to Make My Own Mistakes

When the empath of the family retires.

“Hello, everyone. Before we delve into this delicious roast that Aunt Sylvia spitefully made, because half of us don’t eat meat and the other half have heart conditions and shouldn’t, but, you know, we have to eat meat or the ‘liberals win’…I just wanted to make an announcement — ”

“Pregnant?”

“Sick?”

“Alternative lifestyle?”

“No, no, and…maybe. As much as you all love to gossip, my announcement is far less scandalous. At first, it will feel like nothing has changed at all. But gradually, you will notice that I am no longer available at 2 a.m. Gradually, you will notice that I am not as agreeable as I once was. Gradually, you will find that I do not want to hold space for your secrets. I will not laugh at your shitty jokes, nor will I spend hours and hours trying to get you to see things from another person’s point of view.

“I am retiring as the family empath. The free therapist. The glue. For years you have belittled my gentle, kind nature, all while taking advantage of it. You have not paid for or compensated me for my labor, and then called me ‘sensitive’ when I expressed my own needs. You assumed…and correctly…that I would put my own needs aside to help you with your goals. I have spent countless hours trying to get older relatives to be less racist and to reconcile with their gay children. I have helped you with your job applications, school paperwork, and filing appeals when…let’s be honest…you actually were at fault.

“And what have I been doing, since I have adopted all of your dramas? I have been hiding. I’m not even sure if I’m gay or not. I’m not sure if I want to get married, have kids. Career. School. I’m not sure what I want. All I have known is what you gossip about, what you judge, what you consider wrong. And I’ve been living in terror because I felt like everything I did would be wrong. I was worried about being another character in this drama. I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to be gossiped about. Made fun of. Spoken about like I was a lost cause.

“So, I’m telling you this before we all pretend to eat this roast that no one actually wants: I am free to make my own mistakes. And you are free to talk about them. But I will no longer be the ghost-therapist. I will no longer laugh at jokes I don’t find funny to preserve the peace. I will not respond to your digs. I will not constantly feel like I need to defend my right to exist. I will just…exist.

“I’m cleaning out the space I once held for your dreams and drama and filling that space with my own. Maybe I’ll go back to school. Maybe I’ll have a baby with a dude with a face tattoo. Maybe I’ll travel for three years, solo. Who knows.

“I am free to make my own mistakes. And also? Just because someone makes a mistake does not mean their whole life is lost. Life is not just a spiral downward, where everyone is doomed and every time someone does something you don’t like, it’s a catastrophe. You all really need to get over yourselves and your opinions on everyone else. Have you ever asked yourself why you care if other people make decisions you approve of?

“Anyway, I’m very excited to live my own life. I’m excited to try things and fail. I’m excited for relationships that don’t work out with people you don’t approve of. I’m excited to be more open to possibilities…both good and bad, instead of hiding because I’m afraid how changes in my life will impact all of you. I’m no longer your employee, your perpetual child, your cheerleader.

“I am retiring as the empath of the family. If you’d like my advice, submit a question to my blog. I make money by giving advice now. Something you all told me was impossible.

“Now, let’s carve up this roast and pretend like Aunt Sylvia hasn’t said something cruel about each and every one of us. Cheers!”