A letter to my first child
By: Nabarun Chatterjee
Tags: Parenthood, Relationships, Children, Fatherhood, Self

For those who don’t know yet, Sagnika and I are expecting our first baby in

January 2021.

This bit of news and the title of this piece should make perfect sense now but

I still want to explain why this article was needed.

It is only by looking backward that I realize that we were kids when we got

married. We got married with the expectation that it would be fun to stay

together. Boy, were we naive back then. It was a bumpy ride, to say the least,

but we never forgot to enjoy the view. Our five years of marriage can be summed up in one sentence as lots of food, lots of traveling, weekly quarrels, and monthly threats of divorce.

Parenthood has always been on our horizon but we never felt we were qualified or mature enough to have kids and take care of them. And then came the lock-down, and with it came lots of time to think and analyze and debate. But as they say, `too much analysis causes paralysis`. So one day the deed was done and the seed was sown. For those of you under 18, the deed was of course rays of light coming out of God’s hands and the seed was his blessings bestowed upon us granting us the gift of parenthood and eternal happiness.

Once I came to know that we were pregnant, I did not know how to react. I was a bit baffled, to be honest. You see, in my mind, I am still in college. The

first question that came to my mind was `how did this happen?` We had talked about this at length but nothing prepares you for the moment you hear the news. It was only after a couple of days that it dawned upon me that I was going to be a dad and this was not a dream, that I felt calm and happy. This was in May 2020.

A lot of time has passed since then and I have had some time to think. About a

lot of things. Things like what kind of a parent I want to be. What things I

want to teach my child. About things, I hope my child experiences. These are

not things that are easy to decide but finally, I think I know what I want them

to be. I know that things don’t turn out exactly as we want them to be, but

there are a few promises and a few hopes that I have, which should stand the

test of time. Hence this letter to my, yet to be born, child.

Here it goes.

—

Dear Child,

The first thing I want you to know is that I and your mother love you very

much. I have never seen you yet but still, feel love for you quite strongly. I

don’t remember the last time I cried out of joy and pure emotion and it also

doesn’t go with my current image but I will most probably cry a little when I

first hold you in my arms. I will stop only when you cry out louder from

the realization that you have an ugly father.

I know that it will take time for us to communicate verbally but till then I

will communicate with you using random gibberish that I have learnt from

parents before me. You might think `”Dad, I just don’t know the language yet

but I am not a chimpanzee. Why do you have to talk to me like that?”`. Please

bear with me for I do not know any better, it is the first time for all three

of us. Even if you are tremendously frustrated by my behavior please be

considerate enough to smile now and then, it will make my day.

I do not wish to give you everything that you want, let that be clear from now

on, or the things I did not have as a child but I wish to teach you all that I

wish I knew earlier. I want to teach you that there is a right and a wrong

answer to the question `What do you want to become when you grow up?`. Doctor, engineer, lawyer, actor, etc are all wrong answers. The only right answer is `I want to be happy`. Similarly, I don’t wish for you to have just a house, a shiny car, or a huge bank balance. These things are good to have but what I really hope you have is a purpose in life.

I will try my best to make you understand that is absolutely OK, even in this

polarized world, to disagree with someone and still be friends. It is OK to

say no to all options present. It is OK to think differently. What is not OK is

to make friends with people who believe that the earth is flat or 5G mobile

towers are spreading coronavirus. These people might be under the influence of highly potent drugs and might be dangerous but are definitely delusional.

I know that I will not be able to teach you everything or help you out in all

situations but you can count on me to be present for all events good or bad in

your life. Then there will be things that are beyond everyone’s control. I

hope that when you laugh, you do so heartily. I hope you fall in love with

someone who feels deeply for you. I hope that when someone loves you are able to reciprocate passionately. I hope you have friends who are true. I hope you have enough integrity to fight fiercely for your dreams. I hope you are kind to those less fortunate than you.

I hope you are able to realize that the nuances of a fine living are the things

that you don’t need to show off on social media. That an evening alone with a

book or some soft music can be equally or more enjoyable than a loud party with free-flowing drinks. That it is OK to sing a tuneless song or break into an

awkward dance if that makes you happy. I hope that you realize that good wine is poetry in a bottle. I hope that when you travel you choose a measly wooden hut with a breathtaking view over a 5-star hotel in a big city with a huge TV. I hope for a lot of things for you but most importantly, I hope, that you get all those things that you hope for.

I want you to know that this world is not all good but it is still necessary to

go through hardships of being honest, just, and kind because at the end of the

the day you can sleep better knowing that you did your best. You might not get a lot of encouragement in following the right path, but believe me it will all be worth it in the end.

To sum it all up, I am excited beyond crazy to meet you and can’t wait any

longer to meet you in person. I apologize in advance if the house we live in

is not as posh as the hospital room or as cozy as the amniotic fluid you are

floating in right now but I promise you this it will eventually get better.

The food will be better, the lighting will be better and there will be loads of

toys and all the love that you can hold in that tiny heart of yours.

Since I am unable to stress this point enough, I will say it again that I love

you very much and always will. Muaah.