Learn to Love Networking
By: Becs Miller
Tags: Self Improvement, Networking, Career Advice, Careers, Business

How to Network Effectively

Learn to Love Networking

A comprehensive guide to help you overcome your aversion to networking, and master relationship-building conversations.

Photo by fauxels from Pexels

Imagine a time when you could find a job by pounding the pavement, approaching businesses and asking for an application form. Try this today, and you may get some strange looks.

Networking is a necessity that many of us have a love-hate relationship with. If the thought of networking makes you squirm, you’re not alone. Sure, many of us want to expand our network by meeting new people in our industry. But how many of us actually know how to network properly?

Competing for jobs and other opportunities can be overwhelming for many of us. We recognise that networking is essential and beneficial, but the whole process can feel self-serving and distasteful.

Often we harbour a reluctance to ask others for help when looking for a new job or developing new leads. We stay within our comfort zone, only to find out the dream job we interviewed for was filled by a friend of a friend of the hiring manager.

Today, some estimates suggest that up to 70% of all job openings are not advertised, and upwards of 85% of these jobs are filled through personal networks.

The old adage “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” has perhaps never been more true.

Whether you’re trying to grow your career or form new business relationships, establishing personal connections has never been more crucial.

This guide will help you overcome your aversion to networking and navigate those uncomfortable networking situations, so you’ll feel ready to start building meaningful relationships.

How to Network Effectively

Know your goals. Come prepared. Step outside your comfort zone. Reinforce the relationship Be clear about what you want. Exit a conversation gracefully.

1. Know your goals.

In our highly-complex world, you simply can’t do business in isolation. Today’s workplace is becoming increasingly collaborative.

To be successful, you need strategic relationships that provide mutual value through one another’s contributions. This could be in the form of information, contacts or money.

If you’re reading this, you are clearly motivated to learn how to strengthen your network. But why? What motivates you? What do you hope to achieve?

Do you want to heighten awareness about a new venture you’re starting?

Do you want to transition to a new career or gain skills for a new project?

Do you want to find potential new clients for your business?

A strong network can support you in achieving those goals.

Building a focused network enables you to gain sources of expertise and support beyond your closest contacts. If you need information or a favour, you can simply ask your network for help. If they can’t help, they can tap into their network and connect you with someone else who hopefully can.

By having a clear goal in mind, networking feels less ambiguous and leads to more useful connections.

Ask yourself: What personally motivates you to build a strong network? Why do you want to invest in relationships with others?

2. Come prepared.

Networking isn’t something we are all naturally good at. Approaching new people can be intimidating. But with the right approach, you can manage these situations with more ease and less worry.

Before the event, read up on industry news and trends so you’ll be prepared to spark conversation. Ask people for their thoughts on topics that are interesting to both of you.

If a guest list is available, take a moment to review it. Some event registration platforms like Eventbrite show the event’s attendee list on the registration page. If this isn’t available, reach out to the organisers and ask if there is a copy available.

If you see someone on the list you’ve been hoping to connect with, look up their LinkedIn profile. Learning a little bit more about them will make things much easier when you seek them out at the event.

There are inevitable questions you’ll get asked like “where are you from?” or “what do you do?”

Rather than providing boring one-word answers, you can use this opportunity to communicate your expertise, highlighting the strengths and skills you want them to remember about you.

Make sure you have your 30-second elevator pitch ready - it’s a quick introduction to who you are and what you do.

A good way to do this is to introduce who you are, what you do, and reveal one thing you want people to remember about you, then come up with an example that backs that up.

Your elevator pitch might sound like this, for example:

“Hi, I’m Sam, Sam Wells. I’m a Senior Product Manager, most recently as VP for a start-up Edtech company where I helped scale the company from $0 to $100 million in 2 years. I’m in transition after taking a break to pursue my MBA. Now that I’ve completed my MBA, I’m looking for opportunities to connect with late-stage start-ups wanting to scale.”

Knowing how to tell your story can help you connect with others, and create a memorable story that demonstrates your key qualities and competencies.

Through better preparation, you’ll feel far more confident meeting new people and developing these relationships.

Ask yourself: How would you describe who you are in a nutshell? What is the most important thing you want other people to know about you?

3. Step outside your comfort zone.

Often we walk into networking events with high hopes of meeting someone we admire. Before meeting someone for the first time, you might feel nervous, self-conscious, or even a little flushed.

Study after study has demonstrated the connection between effective network relationships and career success. So how can you take control of these anxious thoughts and successfully strike up a conversation with someone you admire?

First and foremost — good networking is all about being intentional. Some of the best networking opportunities you encounter will be the result of chance. However, this doesn’t mean you should leave what you are going to say up to chance.

First impressions are important. When you meet someone for the first time, the impression you make will influence any future dealings you have with that person.

Before you meet someone for the first time, prepare what you are going to say beforehand. Research the person and consider what it is about them or their work that resonated with you.

Reflect on how your interests and goals align with the person and have some questions ready to ask them. This will help you forge a meaningful working relationship.

Ask yourself: Do you have a wish list of people you want to connect with? What can you do to make this happen?

4. Reinforce the relationship.

Walking into a room full of people can be daunting. It’s often easier to navigate a large crowd when you know there is at least one person you can turn to. Ease into the evening and break the ice by introducing yourself to someone else who is also flying solo.

Maybe they came with someone else they can introduce you to. Whoever you approach first, relieve some of the awkwardness by making a warm introduction and asking open-ended questions.

Your first connection at an event is your gateway to meeting more people.

When the small talk dries up, it’s easy for the conversation to go downhill. To network effectively, you must be interested in the people you are talking to. Showing a genuine interest in the other person’s life is a great way to keep the conversation flowing.

Body language:

Non-verbal communication has a big influence on your first impression. A smile can make a huge difference in whether you win someone over or not. Watch your posture and facial expressions, and maintain eye contact when speaking with others.

If you feel your nerves taking over, pause and take a deep breath.

Learn people’s names:

And make sure they remember yours too. When meeting someone new, repeat your name. Likewise, you should repeat their first name to better remember it: “It’s a pleasure to meet you Emma.”

An easy way to remember someone’s name is by using it in conversation after learning it.

Ask people questions about themselves:

If the conversation is flailing, ask the other person questions about their job, hobbies or other interests. Often all you need is one topic to get the ball rolling.

If you don’t know anything about the other person, ask them to elaborate or tell you more about themselves.

There are two basic question types: open-ended questions and probing questions.

Open-ended questions tend to start with what, how or why. Probing questions enable you to expand on talking points and follow up on questions you’ve already asked.

“Do you mean…?”

“I’m curious why you think that…?”

“Please elaborate…”

Asking open-ended questions demonstrates your genuine interest in what the other person has to say. Using probing questions enables you to dig deeper into what the other person is saying without it sounding like an interrogation.

Listen:

Have you ever told a story and felt like the other person wasn’t listening? How did this make you feel? Frustrated? Annoyed? Offended?

Cultivating good active listening skills boosts your natural likability. For a conversation to go well, both parties need to feel understood and heard to prevent any misunderstandings.

Ask yourself: What is something you can do daily to help strengthen these relationships?

5. Ask for what you want (but don’t underestimate what you can give).

It’s important to remember that networking is about wanting to connect with others, not just achieve a particular result.

But yes, we all fantasise about leaving a networking event with an exchange that will move our business or career forward. Maybe it’s a job offer, getting an investor on board, or landing a client we’ve been after for months.

Whatever the goal, a time will come when we need to put ourselves out there and clearly express what we want.

Many of us resist asking others for help when it comes to our careers. We worry about coming across as self-promotional or self-serving.

In fact, one study found that professional networking increases feelings of inauthenticity and immorality! Researchers studied 165 lawyers and found that those who framed networking as an opportunity were more successful in their careers than those who viewed it as a chore.

“People feel that they cannot justify their actions to themselves, and the lack of justification comes from the difficulty people have in framing some forms of networking as motivated by a concern for other people versus a selfish concern.”

So let’s dig into the reasons why many of us feel uncomfortable with asking for what we want, and how we can avoid those feelings and change our mindset.

Most of us have a dominant motivational focus which shapes our lives. These belief systems about our own abilities and potential fuel our behaviour and predict our success.

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has spent years researching motivation, personality and development.

In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dweck talks about how our beliefs, conscious and unconscious, impact on every aspect of our life.

Dweck outlines two mindsets, a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

Those who believe success is attributed to innate ability are said to have a “fixed” mindset.

Others, who believe success is the outcome of hard work and learning are said to have a “growth” mindset.

If you approach a networking opportunity closed off to the idea that a conversation could lead to new opportunities, then it’s likely that is what will happen.

However, if you approach a networking opportunity with curiosity and an open mind, it could lead to new ideas, experiences and opportunities.

“Those negative feelings can be overcome when people start to see networking as being about more than just themselves, such as an opportunity to develop the networker’s knowledge of their industry, with the benefit being passed on to whomever they work with.”

When one person has a much stronger motivation to be part of a relationship, it can sometimes feel one-sided and forced. Unlike personal connections where there is a mutual interest in developing the relationship, professional ties often start off asymmetrically.

Allan Cohen and David Bradford note in their book, Influence Without Authority, that people tend to think too narrowly about what they have to offer, and what others might value.

Even if you are starting out in your career, you probably have more to offer than you realise. Think broadly about what you have to give. You might have unique insights or knowledge that could be useful to those you’re networking with.

Ask yourself: What simple actions could you take right now that move you closer towards your goals?

6. Exit a conversation gracefully.

Networking is not about the number of contacts you collect. It’s about investing time to build relationships and make valuable connections.

While you’re involved in a conversation with a new contact, it’s important not to rush the conversation. Instead, stay focused on building an actual relationship.

When it is time to end the conversation, find a way to turn it into a great networking opportunity for you both. Ask your new contact to introduce you to someone in your field, or introduce your new contact to others at the event.

Before exiting a conversation, circle back to your discussion. If someone has been telling you about a project they are working on, let them know you enjoyed chatting with them and wish them well on their project.

If you’re genuinely interested in hearing more about how the project goes, let them know. Exchange emails or ask them to connect on LinkedIn. This opens up the opportunity to follow up and continue the discussion at a later date.

Plan on attending a networking event soon? Relax, you’ve got this!

Remember, networking doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable process. The outcome of the evening is up to you.

Thanks for reading this article! Leave a comment below if you have any questions.