Thoughts on Creating Space. Context first. I am a leader. I am a…
By: Alex Rood
Tags: Leadership Development, Deliberate Practice, Personal Growth, Coaching, Self

The First Step Toward a Deliberate Self

For now, I want to start with what I believe is the first step: Creating space. For me, I had to first discover the space in me and in the immediate world around me to begin the learning and self awareness journey. Once found, every next step, every failure, every subsequent discovery required some form of space to move forward.

Funny thing about space… it’s everywhere. Just look around. Look within. Space is everywhere. What is fucking crazy for me is that it’s been in context of the absence of space in key areas of my life that has led me to understand its importance:

Missing space between how I see my past and present self.

Longing for space to think for myself, rather than the role-self others have put me in.

Frantic for space in the tension that builds in me as anxiety and stress impact my emotions.

Fear of space in my relationship, necessary for both individual and mutual growth.

Even the painful lack of space between my joints and muscles after sitting at my desk for a few hours.

Space can be both everywhere, and, at the exact same same time, the vital thing that is ever-missing before growth can start.

I was thinking of making another list of places where deliberately creating space is key but the hypocrisy of publishing a list that you didn’t have the space to add in your own examples was too much. Instead, I’ll try something else.

When I give the cue, please take another moment to close your eyes and imagine an area of your life that is missing space.

Quick aside — we’re going to close our eyes a lot on this journey, its called “looking inward”. Get used to it.

Maybe you have boundary issues with your parents or in-laws? A busy project at work? A messy room in your house or a cluttered desk? The guy next to you on the airplane? A spouse who doesn’t listen to you the way you wish they did? (See, a list would have been dumb, options are pretty open-ended here.)

OK, for one minute close your eyes again and start to imagine.

When you open your eyes, digest what you just thought about. First of all, did you even allow yourself the space to close your eyes for 60 seconds? Or did you get distracted and open them? Take note of that. Also take note of the other things you came up with that are missing space.

Want to know something pretty sweet? Even if you opened your eyes early, the simple attempt just allowed you to create space in your mind to think about, yup, you guessed it: SPACE!

Now that you have this glorious space space you are able to create even more to start thinking about what that area of life would be like if you brought space into it.

You can imagine stronger boundaries with parents or in-laws, less stress or pressure on that work project, a clean room or desk, an empty middle seat and some leg room, or feeling heard/seen/understood by your spouse. I don’t know what you thought of in your minute (or 15 seconds) of having your eyes closed but I am guessing that bringing little room to operate more clearly in that thing is starting to sound pretty fucking great.