How to Become an Enlightened Homo Sapiens
By: Focus Cycles
Tags: Enlightenment, Evolution, Behavior Change

3. Analysis of Negative Feelings and Behavior

Below we will look at a wide variety of negative feelings and behavior. We will see that evolution had its reason to program them into our DNA, but that these reasons no longer make sense.

3.1. Survival of the fittest

Evolution works by natural selection, which means the strongest get to reproduce, while the weakest die. While this leads to continuously stronger species, it does not lead to happiness. Instead a happier society can be achieved by having the strongest support the weakest. So in order to make a better society, we need to overwrite survival of the fittest and replace it with protecting the weak.

3.2. Overeating

3.2.1. Problem of overeating

In industrialized countries the biggest health problems -cancer, heart disease and diabetes- are all primarily caused by overeating.

So why are we overeating?

3.2.2. Evolutionary explanation

During the majority of human existence we were in a constant struggle to get sufficient food. So evolution programmed into our DNA the urge to eat as much as possible whenever food was available. In particular, evolution made us want to eat a lot of sugary and fatty foods, which gave us the most energy.

So we see that in former times wanting to overeat made sense.

3.2.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

In industrialized countries we have an abundance of food, so the desire to get as many calories as possible has led to overeating and thus obesity and disease.

Therefore, the desire to maximise calorie intake in today’s society is negative.

3.2.4. Overcoming the programming

To overcome this negative urge, it does not help to just wish that the urge for calorie intake would disappear. Instead, we need to recognize that we as humans have this urge programmed into our DNA and need to accept it as part of us. Accepting doesn’t mean to indulge in eating, but it means not to be angry with yourself for having the urge. Once you recognize and accept your negative programming, you can more easily control the urge. In addition, you want to practise mindfulness to become more aware and get more control of your urges.

3.3. Infidelity

3.3.1. Problem of infidelity

Over 50% of the population have engaged in cheating, showing that infidelity is very common. But infidelity might be seen as positive for the cheater, as he is getting pleasure out of the act. However, in the vast majority of cases, the short moment of pleasure infidelity might give is far outweighed by the negative consequences.

So why do we cheat?

3.3.2. Evolutionary explanation of infidelity

Cheating offers advantages in terms of evolution. For men cheating means a possibility to create more than one offspring per year and get several women engaged in raising their offsprings.

Cheating especially makes sense for men in case their wife is over forty and thus is no longer fertile. In that case evolution decreases the attraction of men to their wives and instead let’s them flirt with younger women.

For women cheating does not offer a chance to get more than one child per year. Therefore, evolution did not have to program into women a strong desire to cheat.

However, in the case a woman gets the chance to sleep with a superior man than her husband, cheating might still make sense from an evolutionary perspective, as the resulting children would have better genetic material.

So we see that for both men and women engaging in infidelity made sense from an evolutionary perspective.

3.3.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

Thousands of years ago cheating would often result in children being born, so the objective of evolution to reproduce was accomplished. However, today, we will make sure to prevent a pregnancy when cheating so the objective of evolution cannot be met.

Also, evolution has the goal of survival and reproduction, while we have the goal to become happier human beings and create a better society.

Therefore, the desire to cheat no longer serves us and can thus be considered negative.

3.3.4. Overcoming the programming

To overcome the desire for infidelity just wishing the desire to cheat to go away or saying that one doesn’t have the desire does not help. Instead we need to recognize that we have it programmed into us.

Also, having the desire to cheat should not make us think that we are a bad person or that we are not in love with our partner. Instead, we have to accept the desire as a natural part of us.

However, we need to understand that evolutionary programming is not contributing to our happiness. Then we need to use mindfulness to get more self awareness and self control to overcome the urge of sleeping with an attractive partner.

3.4. Superficial attraction

3.4.1. Problem of superficial attraction

Our attraction is mainly physical. Men look for women that are beautiful and young. Women look for men that are handsome, tall, and have power and resources.

That is why many men will get married in their 20s to young girls but drop their wife for another one, once the wife reaches 40s. The superficial attraction of women is evident on Tinder where women only go for the top 5% of men in terms of attractiveness, even though these kind of guys are only looking for sex.

If we want to choose our marriage partner to lead to our long term happiness the most important characteristics should be their values, personality and compatibility. Instead we are focusing on superficial characteristics, which leads to the unhappiness for the vast majority of the population.

So why is our attraction so superficial?

3.4.2. Evolutionary explanation of superficial attraction

Evolution has made men look for women that are healthy and fertile, and made women look for men that are healthy and have power and resources. This made sense in ancient times. If the purpose of evolution for men is to reproduce you should not be attracted to women past 40 as they would likely be less fertile. From an evolutionary perspective a woman needs to want the best genes and best chances for her children to survive. Therefore she needs to look for attractiveness, wealth and power.

So we see that from an evolutionary perspective attraction based on superficial characteristics made sense.

3.4.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

For most people getting children is no longer important and there are clinics that help in case of infertility. So finding a mate with good reproduction characteristics does not make sense anymore.

Also, today we have social systems that make every child able to survive even if the father is not wealthy and powerful.

Also, evolution has the goal of survival and reproduction, while we have the goal to become happier human beings and create a better society.

So the focus on superficial characteristics no longer serves us, and can thus be considered negative.

3.4.4. Overcoming the programming

To overcome our superficial attraction we need to first become aware of it. Unfortunately, humans, and in particular women are not well aware of their attraction being almost exclusively based on superficial criteria. We like to think that the most important things are personality traits like kindness, humor or confidence. But in reality, researchers have found that particularly women base 90% of their attraction on purely physical characteristics, although they tend to think that for them personality is most important. By not recognizing this focus on superficial traits it becomes harder to overcome it.

It is easier to recognize if we accept it as something natural. So we should not think of us badly if our attraction to others is based on superficial criteria.

Once we do recognize and accept it we need use our willpower to overcome this superficial attraction.

For example, once you have recognized that your attraction is based on superficial characteristics as looks and that this is not serving you well, you should now use Tinder in a different way. You should try to pay less attention to attractiveness and swipe right on profiles, even if the physical attraction is not very high. At the same time you should try to find out as quickly as possible if the personality matches.

3.5. Jealousy

3.5.1. Problem of jealousy

Jealousy is a feeling that does not feel good for the person who is jealous. Also, it does not lead to behavior that is good for neither the person who is jealous nor the person one is jealous of. In fact a large percentage of murders are committed in a state of jealousy.

So why do we feel jealousy?

3.5.2. Evolutionary explanation of jealousy

While we can recognize that jealousy is bad, it still makes sense for evolution to programm it in our DNA. For men jealousy served to prevent their wifes from getting children from other men. For women jealousy served to prevent the men from diverting resources to children with other women.

So from an evolutionary perspective jealousy made sense.

3.5.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

Today these are no longer good reasons for jealousy: It is easily possible to prevent pregnancies with anticonceptives. Also, if a man chooses to divert attention or resources to other children, the state demands alimony from the man, and the state will also help single mothers and their children. That does mean that we should not try to prevent our partner from maiding outside of the relationship, however strong feelings of jealousy and emotional behavior based on them does not serve us.

3.5.4. Overcoming the programming

In order to overcome jealousy it does not help to deny its existence. For example, I have several friends in polyamourous relationships. They say that jealousy is only a product of the male dominating, capitalist society. So they were very surprised recently when they could feel the feeling of jealousy within them, and had no explanation of why they were feeling it. So they continued to suppress that feeling and did not come to terms with it.

Instead of suppressing jealousy, we need to recognize that we are programmed by evolution to feel jealousy. Beyond recognizing we need to accept jealousy, as something that is naturally part of us.

Once we recognize and accept it, we have the option to use our willpower to overcome it.

3.6. Status focus

3.6.1. Problem of status focus

We are very much status oriented, which means two things:

● We try to achieve a status as high as possible, and

● We assign status to everybody around us.

This status assignment is an unconscious process, so most people are not aware that they are doing it, nonetheless everybody does it. As we meet new people we assign status and we refine this status as we are getting more information about their looks, career, wealth and power.

This focus on status contributes to unnecessary stress and to the unhappiness of a large part of the population, so it is bad for us.

So why is status so important to us?

3.6.2. Evolutionary explanation of status focus

For hundreds of thousands of years we were living in tribes that were organized according to strict hierarchies. So it was important to know where in this hierarchy somebody was. If he was low and you were high in status, you could behave badly without expecting any negative consequences. But if your status was low, you had to be very careful how you behaved in the presence of high status tribe members.

Given the strict behavior rules associated with status, it made sense from an evolutionary perspective to program a focus on status into our DNA.

3.6.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

Today we no longer have this hierarchy in society. By law everybody has the same rights. Also, a hierarchical society does not mean more efficiency. In fact, we know that for society to be more innovative and creative an non-hierarchical organization works better.

Therefore organization into strict hierarchies and status thinking no longer serves us and can be considered negative.

3.6.4. Overcoming the programming

To overcome status thinking it does not help to deny that it is part of us. Unfortunaltye often people will say that they are unimpressed by people with money and power but then subconsciously still give more respect and privileges to them. Instead, we need to recognize this status focus and accept it as being part of us. But in the next step we need to see that it is wrong and use our willpower to overcome it.

3.7. Materialism and greed

3.7.1. Problem of materialism and greed

Most people, especially men, are pursuing money and once they have money they buy material things, especially things that make them look good in the eyes of others, like branded clothing, jewelry and a nice car. These people will often say that they are doing this because it makes them happy, But the reality is that material things rarely lead to happiness. In fact, the happiest people on earth seem to be Buddhist monks without any material wealth.

So why are we materialistic and greedy?

3.7.2. Evolutionary explanation of materialism and greed

In tribal society the status of women was mostly determined by their physical attractiveness and the status of their partners, while for men that status was determined by the material wealth and power. Therefore, especially men had to do everything to achieve wealth and power. Only then could they gain status, which could lead to reproductive opportunities for their genes to spread.

Also, in ancient times there was a scarcity of resources which meant that often parents did not have sufficient resources to help their children reach adulthood. Therefore, we had to get as many resources as possible whenever possible.

So from an evolutionary perspective materialism and greed made sense.

3.7.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

Nowadays, we no longer live in tribal societies and even people that have little power and wealth are able to reproduce.

Also, nowadays parents generally have enough material resources to help their children survive and reach adulthood. Thus, materialism and greed no longer serve us and can be considered negative.

3.7.4. Overcoming the programming

If we want a society that is not materialistic we, and especially men, need to accept that they are programmed to achieve wealth and power, and that this programming is detrimental. Accept this programming but use willpower to overcome it.

3.8. Social anxiety

3.8.1. Problem of social anxiety

Social anxiety prevents us from engaging in potentially useful behavior. For example many people are afraid to speak in public or to participate in a discussion. Similarly, people are afraid to approach strangers. In particular guys are afraid to approach girls. So we see that a lot of useful behavior is not done due to social anxiety.

So why do we feel social anxiety?

3.8.2. Evolutionary explanation of social anxiety

In the hierarchical tribes we used to live in, what members could do was strictly determined by tribal rules. This applied particularly to lower ranking members of the group. Infringing these rules could lead to severe punishments. Therefore, evolution gave us social anxiety so that we would not infringe on societal rules.

For example, in tribes we might get punished if we try to flirt with a woman who is somebody elses wife and thus potentially be killed. So it was better for our survival to feel social anxiety, in order to prevent us from doing this.

Similarly, if you were to publicly speak up, you might draw the anger of hire ranking tribe members, who might hurt you.

So, in approaching women or public speaking it made evolutionary sense to feel social anxiety.

3.8.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

However in today’s world approaching girls or talking in public will not lead to severe negative consequences, so the social anxiety that is preventing us from doing so no longer serves its purpose.

Also, social anxiety can prevent a large part of the population from expressing themselves and achieving their true potential.

Thus, social anxiety no longer serves us and can be considered negative.

3.8.4. Overcoming the programming

In order to overcome social anxiety we need to recognize when we feel it. So for example, when we are going to speak in front of large audience we need to say to ourselves: ¨OK, I can feel that social anxiety is coming upon me.¨

Next, we need to stop beating ourselves up for feeling social anxiety and instead accept it as a natural part of us. But at the same time we also need to recognize that it no longer servers us and we need to use our willpower to overcome it.

3.9. Sexism

3.9.1. Problem of sexism

Even today many people still assume women are less capable in leadership positions and that feel uncomfortable with women having authority over them. Even if most people would not admit they are sexist, studie still show that subconsciously we do have doubts about women in leadership positions.

Due to these doubts a lot of people are trying to find special explanations for how women might have gotten into leadership positions. So it is not uncommon to hear statements like: “She was able to climb to the top by sleeping with a lot of men.” or “She has done a lot of political maneuvering.”

Furthermore, men who are feminine, short, have a high pitched voice or are not assertive are often not respected. This means that they are stressed and have a hard time achieving their potential.

So Sexism limits the potential of women and of feminine men to get into leadership positions in politics and business.

Therefore, capable women or feminine men that want to contribute to society are not allowed in positions corresponding to their capability. This is thus not only bad for women but for society as a whole.

So why are we sexist?

3.9.2. Evolutionary explanation of sexism

Traditionally, the important functions in tribes were childrearing and getting food. Food was often an athletic task better suited for men while childrearing was better for women. For that reason there was a role distribution. Evolution made us feel that women are made for child rearing and men for earning the bread and that only men could become leaders. Therefore, in the ancient tribal societies members knew that a woman could not possibly be a leader and therefore could not have authority over men.

So evolution gave us the knowledge that leaders are strong men not women.

3.9.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

While in ancient times women were busy with childbearing, in today’s world there are nurseries and schools freeing women from the childbearing tasks. Also, families have less children.

Also, the way to earn a living no longer requires athletic ability but more cognitive ability in which women and men are equal. In fact, in today’s business world it is less about fighting and aggression and more about cooperation. Therefore, a more feminine leadership style is an advantage.

So the sexism that was programmed into our DNA no longer serves us and can be considered negative.

3.9.4. Overcoming the programming

In order to overcome sexism, we need to first recognize our sexist tendency. Just saying that we are free of this natural tendency or that these tendencies are just a construct of society or of male oppression is denying it and does not serve us. We need to see that nature programmed this mental division into our DNA and accept it as a natural part of us. But then we need to recognize that this is no longer helpful and need to use our willpower to overcome it.

3.10. Racism

3.10.1. Problem of racism

We have a preference for people that look similar to us deeply ingrained in our DNA.

For example, my family is blonde and with blue eyes. My niece had never seen a person with black hair and dark eyes. So when my sister’s friend, with black hair and dark eyes, came to visit us, my niece started crying every time she saw her. This was because she was afraid of the different look.

As we become adults we learn that we should not have preference to our own ethnicity. So in clear cut rational decisions like for example hiring a minority applicant when he has better qualifications we are no longer racists. But in more subtle decisions like whom to select as a mentee to help as a mentor, we are still biased by giving preference to our own ethnicity.

So why are we racist?

3.10.2. Evolutionary explanation of racism

In ancient tribes, everyone had a similar genetic makeup. If somebody looked different it most likely was an enemy, that we needed to fight.

Therefore, evolution made us prefer people that look similar to us and dislike people who look dissimilar to us.

3.10.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

In today’s world we no longer need to fear aggression from people that look dissimilar to us. In fact, we see that values can be shared across races but at the same time be very different within one race.

Therefore in today’s society racism does not serve us and is in fact very negative.

3.10.4. Overcoming the programming

To overcome racism it does not help to just deny our own racists tendency. Unfortunately this is what most people who have learned that racism is bad, do. They assume that while there are other racist people out there, they themselves do not have any racism. Instead, in order to overcome racism we need to recognize our own racism. We also have to accept it as a natural tendency that evolution has programmed into our DNA.

But we also have to see the negative consequences of racism and that the evolutionary programming no longer makes sense. Once we do this we can use our willpower to avoid making decisions based on racism or behaving in a racist way.

3.11. Anger and revenge taking

3.11.1. Problem of anger and revenge taking

Anger is a very uncomfortable emotion. In fact, if you are angry it is more harmful to you than to the person you are angry at.

Furthermore, while in anger we have a strong desire to take revenge. This revenge taking often leads to cost on others but also on ourselves.

If anger is negative why do we feel anger and want to take revenge?

3.11.2. Evolutionary explanation of accepting male promiscuity

We feel anger when someone has done something that infringes upon our rights or the rights of somebody else. In that circumstance we feel an urge to tell the person off or to punish him or to take revenge.

The urge to tell other people off, punish them or take revenge meant that people knew that infringing on somebody else’s right would have negative consequences for them. This was required because in ancient tribes there was no formal law nor any law enforcement by police.

Therefore from an evolutionary perspective it made sense to program into us anger and a desire to take revenge.

3.11.3. Evolutionary programming does not make sense in today’s world

Nowadays we do have laws and law enforcement, so anger and revenge taking are no longer required.

3.11.4. Overcoming the programming

Even though anger is no longer required, anger is still part of our nature and we need to recognize this. Unfortunately, many people vastly underestimate the amount of anger they feel in the course of a day and many people tell us that they rarely become angry, when in fact they are angry many times a day.

Only when we recognize our anger and accept it as part of natural programming, we can then use our willpower to overcome it.