Grouping/Ungrouping
By: Isha Kathuria
Tags: Self Improvement, Success, Friendship, Love, Values

Grouping/Ungrouping

People around you matter. More than you think they do. As Jim Rohn rightly said, you are a sum of your five closest friends. Choosing the right set of friends is one of the most important decisions you make in your life. These decisions can alter the course that you have set for yourself.

Your subconscious has given them the agency to affect the goals that you aim for.

Usually, there is little or no time left for people around oneself after one’s daily routine. But we humans are social animals, and our Id makes us create time for people. Now we need to understand that Id is our primitive desire, our instinct. Being governed by it doesn’t always lead to a rational decision.

Now that we have established that the people around us have significant sway over us and our decision regarding allowing people into our sanctum is not necessarily foolproof, Hence we need to assess one’s circle.

The question that now we are faced with is how to ascertain that the people that surround us, the group that we are part of or the people we regularly fraternise with are, if not good, isn’t detrimental to our growth as a human being?

So the first step towards this reflection is to create a list of people we confide in, who we believe to be our go-to people and people we communicate regularly without the professional need or any other compulsion. They can be anyone, be it family, colleagues, friends, mentors etc.

Once you have a list of people in place, answer/reflect on the questions below: (The activity happens to be of a personal nature and a certain amount of discomfort is to be expected. We have to let go of those inhibitions and try to answer these questions truthfully.) The recommended way to answer them would be to jot down the first thought that strikes your mind.

A) Every person has certain values, principles or habits that they do not like to compromise on. These aspects tend to define one’s identity as a person.

1) Do the people in consideration share your core values, if not share, at least understand them and are respectful towards them?

B) Criticism always carries a negative connotation to it but is one of the most important aspects of a person’s growth. So it is important to have people around us who can provide you with some positive criticism when asked for.

2) Do you see them as “yes men”? If no, do you believe they dare to disagree with you if they see you going down a wrong path?

C) It is not uncommon for one’s circle to become very demanding and take up more than the mind space one can provide for, leading to a feeling of being overwhelmed.

3) Do you feel your relationship with the people in consideration becomes overwhelming for you? If yes, Reflect on the frequency this thought crosses your mind.

D) Any relationship is a two-way road; people at both ends have to contribute to it to make the system work. If this balance is broken, one party tends to be left with a feeling of being used.

4) Do you always feel like you are the one who overcompensates or the efforts are seen as mutual with these people?

E) It has often been seen that people, to get social validation, tend to bring about a drastic change in their behaviour around certain people. This leads to a person living in multiple realities which in the long term becomes difficult to juggle around, leading to breakdowns.

5) Do you have the freedom/liberty to be who you are, or do you feel the need to alter your personality around them?

F) In one’s course of life, often a person gets emotionally full and needs to vent out. This is the time when one’s circle should be providing them with the requisite support.

6) Do they provide you with a safe space for you to share stuff that is personal to you?

By now, you might have a better idea about people around you, and hopefully, these questions have given you more clarity on who holds what position in your life. Also, you might be able to differentiate between people adding positively or being detrimental to your well-being.

I hope this might help you re-think your present bonds and it should now be your prerogative to communicate with these people if needed. Discussions with them might reveal some more information and bring a positive change in the relationship you share.

Do figure out relationships with those who can share their wins and positive vibes and help you realize that you can do the same. Life is too short for the negativity. 😊

“If you want to know someone, just look at who they choose to spend their time with.”

― Amy Chan