Feminist Men, We Need Your Help to Smash the Patriarchy
By: Darcy Reeder
Tags: Parenting, Culture, Politics, Women, Feminism

If women are doing the parenting, don’t we have the power to change things?

I’ve read some attempted takedowns of feminism where Red Pill believers/trolls say, if women are doing most of the parenting, they have the most control over their children’s beliefs; yet patriarchy persists. If I understand them correctly — and misogynist logic is often hard to make sense of — they’re saying patriarchy must be natural, that men are naturally dominant because even with women having all the power to raise their sons, those sons still grow up to have more positions of leadership.

Somehow misogynists accuse women of having too much power while saying it’s natural for women not to have power, while also blaming women for raising their kids wrong, while also saying it’s not wrong.

Yeah, I know, it gives me a headache too.

But here’s the thing: Yes, women do the majority of the parenting labor — so much that, as KJ Dell’Antonia wrote in The New York Times, the Census refers to mothers as designated parents, and fathers as childcare. But that does not mean moms have all the power to shape kids’ beliefs. Our children are growing up in a patriarchal culture, and that culture shapes them every day.

Women are human too. That’s it. That’s feminism. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

No matter how many Strong Like Mom and Raised by Strong Women T-shirts we buy, if only other women read those shirts aloud, the kids aren’t going to fully buy the message.

Meanwhile, mainstream society is telling us men do brave, smart, important things, and women are pretty to look at. Over and over and over. So, no, I can’t fix it alone. All the moms can’t fix it alone. Not even all the women.

And maybe nothing can. But I’m not ready to give up yet.

So, men: listen up. Every single day, talk to someone about how strong — or clever or creative — a woman is.

Tell your bro about that female novelist whose books you can’t put down. Take your kids to a roller derby bout. Post about your partner on Facebook with something deeper than, “my lovely wife.”

Be a feminist man by bringing women into the conversation now; don’t wait until you see through your conditioning enough to fully understand how we’re struggling to get heard because that might never happen. Our experience might always be a cultural blindspot for you, but you can still try to learn, and you can still be an ally.

Bernie Sanders, my pick for U. S. president, is a great feminist man.

Yes, I’m a feminist who’s excited to vote for a man for president. I’m not a #BernieBro, and neither are you if you’re a feminist man who believes Bernie is the best choice.

Being a feminist does not mean pretending a woman — any woman — is the best candidate. Being a feminist means encouraging more women to run for office while backing the candidates you believe will do the most good for our country.

Have you seen this tweet by ABC News chief political analyst Matthew Dowd?

In the face of Elizabeth Warren’s claim that Bernie said a woman couldn’t win the presidency, Dowd tweeted, “You know one clear way to demonstrate that you believe a woman can and should be president? Don’t try to defeat a woman running for President.”

Nope. Nope. Noooope. Feminists are not asking men to drop off the Earth. Bernie doesn’t need to dim his light. He’s doing just the right thing: continuing to fight for and alongside people of all genders, as he’s done throughout his long career.

Grab your tissue box. Here’s a video of Sanders in 1987, telling a classroom of young kids, “I hope that all the girls understand that you, as much as the boys, have the right to be involved in politics and to become president…. It’s beginning to change, but not fast enough.”

1987 Video of Bernie Sanders from YouTube

Feminist men, take Sanders’ example to heart. Feminism isn’t about women being better than men. Feminism just means all people have equal worth. When society doesn’t reflect that natural equality, let’s change society, together.

Women are human too. That’s it. That’s feminism. It really shouldn’t be this hard.