Let’s talk about it
By: Pranshu Patni
Tags: Motherhood, Mothers, Parenting

Recently, I came across a TED Talk, a TED Talk on ‘matrescence’. Now you’d ask if that’s even a word. Well, my spell check doesn’t think it is, and that’s the problem. ‘Matrescence’, as the speaker defines it, is sort of like adolescence — it is what happens to a woman’s psychological development when she becomes a mother.

So, it’s definitely something a lot of people go through, then why is there no ‘spell checker’ approved term for it? Because, as the speaker rightly points out, we do not talk about it enough.

Motherhood is amazing but it’s also HARD. Much like adolescence, things are new, and different. You look different, you feel different, and while all of your heart goes out to this new person you just brought to life, your brain still has to process a 100 new things you got to do.

But, do we talk enough about the struggles that come with being a new mother? Of-course there is probably no bigger joy, but there are also nights and days when the new mother is confused, unsure, and often doubting her own capabilities. Not to forget the concept of ‘private time or space’ becomes completely alien. To top it all off, she is probably inundated with advice, suggestions, opinions, and God forbid even judgement — some well-meaning, other unsolicited.

You know what REALLY helps? To know that you’re not the only one. It really helps when you talk to other mothers about it — and you figure that each one has had some challenges herself. It may or may not have been the same as yours, but the struggle is real.

Talking about it in general helps, to your partner or to elders, but what I found most helpful was talking to other mothers whose kids were the same age or a few years apart from my child. Parenting just like everything else also evolves, from generation to generation, and so do means of tackling the challenges that come with it. Almost always, the advice, suggestions, and ‘hacks’ from peer mothers turned out most helpful, and often also the most practical.

All you gotta do is let go of the fact that if you share your problems or challenges, you become any less of a mother. What you subconsciously cite as your own ‘failure’ is probably something 100s of other moms are also getting challenged with, and is probably something that you couldn’t have controlled at the first place!

Just like you share the joys of motherhood, the best photos and videos of your child — also share what isn’t perfect. Also share what’s behind the scenes of Facebook or Instagram!

Sometimes, subconsciously, when someone reaches out with a challenge that we haven’t faced (yet), we may end up judging or preaching the parent. Possibly I have done it as well, but I know that’s the last thing they want to hear or feel. So, as moms, let’s resolve that we’d hear out not judge, and suggest not preach.

To the moms who have figured it all — kudos to you. You’re amazing, but you might also be one of the rare ones. So, use every opportunity to help, I am sure you already do. Remember that a struggling parent probably comes from his or her own sets of unique circumstances. A little empathy, and some motivation from you can go a long way for other moms :).

And to the moms who haven’t figured it all — it’s NORMAL and it’s alright. I know I haven’t got it all figured out! What we need to do is talk about it. Let them know if you feel exhausted. Let them know if you’re struggling with a picky eater or a light sleeper. Let them know if you miss your 8 hour sleep. Let them know. It will not just help you, it’d probably also help many others to know that there’s someone else in the club :)

So moms, let’s talk about it!

Love,

PB