How to Force Yourself to Date When You Hate Dating: A Guide by Your Friendly Neighborhood Introvert
By: Sincere Media
Tags: Personal, Covid 19, Introvert, Dating, New York

How to Force Yourself to Date When You Hate Dating: A Guide by Your Friendly Neighborhood Introvert Sincere Media Jan 21·3 min read

By Haley Bartel, Contributing Writer

How do you explain to someone that the reason you’re upset is because the person with whom you’ve only had a few conversations — but you’ve already fabricated an entire relationship in your head— isn’t texting you back without sounding crazy? The answer is simple, and it’s you don’t. You keep it to yourself and eventually give up out of fear of rejection.

It’s not really talked about, but there’s immense danger in daydreaming. When you allow yourself to exist in a fantasy separate from the world around you — one that you have full autonomy over — it’s easy to get lost there. And when the outside world that you’re neglecting is going up in flames, as ours currently is amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, fantasy feels like the safer option.

I live in two separate worlds. There’s the world in my head and the world outside of it, and I’m constantly jumping back and forth between the two. They do not coexist, and I always have to neglect one for the sake of the other. Lately, because of how fucked the outside world is, the world in my head has been overly nurtured. And it’s becoming unhealthy.

That is why, in spite of my reserved nature, I’m writing this piece.

There’s nothing in the world that brings me more physical pain than the idea of going on a first date. I’d actually rather be waterboarded than forced to sit with a stranger and wrack my brain for ways to make myself seem appealing and normal — a skill I’ve lost considerably after almost a year of little to no social interaction. But I’ve always neglected my romantic life in favor of whatever exists inside of my head, and though this might have been fine in the past, I’m now 21 and I’m convinced if I don’t break these habits I’ll be alone forever. So, being the rational person I am, I decided the only solution is to subject myself to my own personal hell and publish it in the sake of self-improvement and also journalism!

Admittedly, I am a hopeless romantic (ew), and I do have a deep seated need for love (gross). However, like I mentioned earlier, I get so in my head about it that I don’t even feel the need to let it play out in real life. Let’s say, for example, I meet someone at a bar (pre-pandemic, of course), and I like them. I get their number, follow them on Instagram, and plan to reach back out and see if they’d want to hang out. Before I even get the chance to wait a reasonable amount of time to talk to them, I’ve already planned out the course of our relationship and our inevitable break-up. And if there’s even the slightest hint of disinterest on their side, I immediately retreat because I cannot withstand the idea of making myself vulnerable only to be judged or turned down in any way.

I realize this is self-destructive behavior, which is why I’m doing this. Not only do I want to break this bad habit, but I don’t want to become a shut-in and I’m scared that I’m losing my ability to hold conversations with people. However, I don’t trust myself to go on dates of my own volition, so I’m hoping writing this will hold me accountable.

Throughout the course of the next few months, I plan on going on at least one date. I want to use this space to document the whole experience — the talking stage, the date itself, and how it made me feel, while also being as respectful as possible to the person on the other end. I’m hoping I might gain a few of my social skills back and, as ridiculous as this sounds, learn something about myself.