Make Way
By: Leanzar L Stockley
Tags: Marriage, Relationships, Self, Love, Dating

Relationships

Make Way

Rethinking what it means to ‘yield’ in a relationship.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Sometimes it seems like most of the pre-relationship advice out there is centered around watching for red flags. It’s really a relationship negative although it might sound like good advice. While there can be a time and season for anything, the red flag approach to relationships can really play into our relational energy negatively, if we aren’t careful. That negative mentality will potentially lead us not only to self-righteousness, but also toward further singleness. This may even be one of the primary reasons we often hear people (not you, I am talking about other people) say, “I can’t find anyone.” Is it possible that you… I mean, they, are focusing on red flags, instead of recognizing the sign on the road that says, “YIELD?”

You may find that there are a couple of definitions for yielding. One definition means to give way. The other means to provide and produce what’s needed to thrive. Both of these definitions are warranted wisdoms to be welcomed warmly by Relationship Ready weirdos. Ok, I got a little carried away with the w’s, but you get the point.

If we really want to talk about making Love, we have to understand yielding. Making Love means making way for one another. It simply is a new perception of submission.

In any relationship, there can be a colliding instead of collaboration. There may be some huge traces of power struggles and systems of hierarchy lurking in the relationship. The talk of dominance versus submission can be included here. A common structure set up in heterosexual relationships seems to be the talk about the man being the leader or head and the women submitting to that leadership or headship. In many homosexual relationships, there is the talk about tops or bottoms, generally where the top is viewed as the dominant one and the bottom as the submissive one. Then there are those relationships where a wife may seem overbearing and the husband considered to be weak. On occasion there comes the couple where both are a bit too much for anyone to handle because they are both aggressive; and that mouth just leads to the rise of “these hands.” I mean, in all reality, these are just examples of how the systems of hierarchy, power struggles, possible collisions, etc., can play out. I am sure you can come up with some of your own. I just used these because they are common.

The bottom line is, we often approach the idea of relationships with the idea that someone is the leader and the other is the follower. One person is dominant and the other is submissive. One person is the provider and the other person is the recipient. These ideas, believe it or not, have an ability to perpetuate a social construct and misappropriation of power within us all.

Although there exists within humanity and the universe, masculine and feminine energy (and people), it is only fair to further realize that this energy is actually present in all of us. Additionally, the energy would be more about balance than it would be about dominating or hierarchy. The characteristics typically associated with femininity are not to be considered as weakness under masculinity. Nor should the characteristics typically associated with masculinity be considered as strengths over femininity. In all reality, they are both positive qualities — and strengths if you will, particularly when they are in operation and obedience to one another as they should be.

For the record, the “should be” is not determined by force. It should be determined by flow, grace and what’s needed for us all to thrive in the moment and in life. And the word obedience, isn’t about dictating to one another, it’s about dedicating movement and action toward another. It’s about living together in a choreographed flow that promotes and enhances our ability to thrive and build one another up in Love.

You see, ultimately, it’s about balance and making way for one another. When this is in operation, we are not at odds, we are compliments and collaborators. We are in Love. We are both submitting to one another and leading in our compliment at the same time. Making way for one another or yielding in this sense, makes us a team.

You must embrace what it means to be yielding. This is a sure word of wisdom for you in your stance as a relationship ready person. Again, it requires courage just like devotion does. It’s not merely courage to take a chance, it’s courage to be the change … the change the world and our way of dealing with one another needs. You will be tempted to fight for your way to a self-win; but please don’t be so sold on that that you lose the one you say you Love. Don’t be so consumed with your, “I don’t,” that you never end up being ready to say, “I do.”

I am not telling you not to have a standard. I am saying be the standard. I am not telling you to be a doormat. I am saying it’s wise to be ready and willing to wash the feet of your Loved one. I am not telling you to not consider yourself or any of the other things people like to throw in as rebuttals to yielding to your partner. What I am saying is that it’s wise not to be so stuck in your ways, (or on your ways) that you subject your partner to having to fend for him or herself. Make way for them. And be present while you do it. I will say this again. Make way for them and be fully present while you do it.

If it becomes a problem that your needs are not being met, then please, have the conversation. As a matter of fact, doing so, gives them the opportunity to exercise their creative power in Love toward you. However, don’t allow yourself to fall subpar to giving the relationship the higher you, simply because the knucklehead is being complacent or absent minded. At the end of the day, all you can do is your part to be built up in Love.

Excerpt from Relationship Ready, by LeAnzar Stockley. Available for purchase here.

© LeAnzar Stockley