Measuring Growth, Accepting Emotions and the Wrestle Between Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement
By: Lucy The Eggcademic, She Her
Tags: Emotions, Growth, Lovethyself, Mental Health, Self

Measuring Growth, Accepting Emotions and the Wrestle Between Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

KTHT reflection prompts, here I come!

Photo by Alexandra Fuller on Unsplash

I’ve always approached 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊.’s prompts as poetry prompts, because that’s the easiest way for me to get my thoughts and emotions out, especially when they feel like they’re stuck in little circles of rumination in my mind.

This time, however, I’m going to try something different. I was inspired by others who contribute to these weekly prompts, who take that step to share these thoughts without hiding behind the rhyme (though let’s be real, I never actually use rhymes in my poems). It’s brave because instead of showing the most distilled form of your thoughts, imperfections chiselled away, a lot of people share the rawest form that came up for them.

There’s value in showing up like that, in showing that the world shouldn’t be comprised of highlight reels, because we’re so often comparing our view of all our successes and our failures, to someone else’s publicized and polished successes.

So, here goes! This week, we’re tackling three questions instead of five, and I’m doing them all in one go.

Monday: How do you measure personal growth? How do you know when you’ve grown as a person?

Photo by Tolga Ulkan on Unsplash

Numbers

I think a lot of people shy away from this because there can be an obvious downside to this. In my poetry, I’ve reflected on how in the past, grades, how the number on a scale took over my definition of my life.

Back then, I had a “perfect” score that I needed to get, a perfect “weight” I had to be. That’s when numbers can make life miserable.

When I say I use numbers to measure personal growth, it’s more about visualization and seeing patterns over time for things that don’t seem to be tangible.

For example, I rate moods over time and rather than striving to have “the best mood”, I’m learning about the contexts, people, things that contribute to a foul mood versus a good one. I’m learning how these environmental factors and also how I respond to them accordingly can impact those moods over time. In visualizing that, I’m tapping into my strength in understanding the world through numbers.

Writing and documentation

Similar to numbers, writing is a complementary aspect of it. Encased in the words that I write at any time are the mannerisms, common phrases that I embody. Fifteen years ago, I didn’t talk or write like this. In fifteen years, I imagine my writing voice will also change.

One tangible way that I’m hoping will be a regular reflection point is the Proust Questionnaire. The saddest thing is that I did complete a bunch when I first entered high school, but I have no idea where they’re saved now. I started completing the questionnaire again this year. Here’s hoping that in documenting it on Medium that it’ll be easy for me to revisit these same questions next year and see my growth.

Even without a copy of the previous questionnaires filled out, simply writing and reflecting on these questions helped me see just how much I’ve grown. Peppered throughout the writing I was surprised to see myself truly and honestly write down thoughts like “I am perfectly happy now”, showing contentment and enjoyment in my life that I don’t ever recall ever having prior to this.

In answering these questions, I was able to name certain things that really helped me grow — setting boundaries, understanding things from my perception (e.g., others calling me lazy vs. understanding that I have different values and am channelling my effort into different priorities than others are).

In journalling for myself but also in writing for others, I see quite a similar set of messages come out. I value self-care now, I approach with curiosity rather than fight out of fear and scarcity.

In those words, I find empowerment within myself.