How to ask for feedback
By: Sara Zarr
Tags: Freelancing Tips, Writing Community, Writing Tips, Writing Advice, Feedback

7 Tips for Asking for and Receiving Feedback

The wisdom I learned in my writing career applies to many areas of life and work.

Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

In the writing world, the process of getting and giving feedback is familiar, normalized. Many of us start out in workshops or classes, reading each other’s pieces and offering constructive criticism. If we haven’t been in a formal workshop or class environment, we mind find a writing community online or a writing partner with whom we share work in hopes of making it better.

I started drafting this article with writers in mind, but as I went through each step, I realized that all of this advice is transferable to just about any context in which you might be seeking feedback. Most companies have at least some sort of procedure or policy in place to facilitate this, but what if you’re a freelancer? How do you go about creating your own sort of peer review system for whatever you’re doing?

Each industry and context has its norms, and outside of writing, you know better than I do how communities in your industry work. That said, each of the seven considerations below should be broadly applicable in some way. So wherever you see “writing,” think about your own industry and role.

And, well, if you’re a writer, no adjustments necessary!

Even the most seasoned writers eventually need outside perspective and input on a given project. For professionals, feedback is kind of built into the publishing process — we work with editors and copyeditors to get our work as close to our vision as we can. And most working writers I know still often call on writer friends to provide a fresh set of eyes at crucial points in the process, even before the editors get involved.

When you’re starting out, though, it takes more intent to get a helpful feedback loop going. First of all, you’ve got to find some sort of writing community, online or in-person. That can feel like a big project in itself. But once you’ve got that set of people in your orbit, it’s not as simple as swapping pages and hoping for the best.

During the decade I was writing but not yet published, I collected a good deal of experience with writing groups IRL, writing groups online, and workshops. Here’s that collected experience in handy list form for anyone ready to start looking for feedback, whether you’re working on a novel, screenplay, memoir, short story, blog post, or article. (Or, as I mention in the intro, just about anything else you might be up to in work and life.)

1. Be ready

Are you ready to get feedback? Have you gotten as far on the piece as you can on your own? Do you have at least a general sense of your vision for the project?

If the answer to any of these things is no, you may not be ready to go out and solicit input. I can’t tell you how many of my ideas have died on the vine because I exposed them to the elements too soon! If you haven’t given your little seedling the unconditional love and care it needs to grow some roots, it’s not going to stand up to even the most helpful critique. You’ll barely even be able to decipher good advice from bad if you don’t know yet yourself what you want the thing to be. So before you seek feedback, make sure the work can stand on its own legs — wobbly though they may be.

2. Choose wisely

You’ve probably heard before that it’s better to have no critique group than a bad one. I see no lie there. Who you invite into your process matters at least as much as when you do it and there’s got to be trust between you and the potential critique-giver. There are a couple of aspects to the trust issue:

The first is that the best writing is personal and involves the writer getting vulnerable in some way, and where there’s vulnerability, there’s the risk of getting hurt. I’m not a big fan of the “viciously tear the thing apart” school of feedback, and I believe a good critique meets your writing halfway. If you can’t trust a person to read your work in good faith and respect the vulnerability on the page, they’re probably not the right choice.

Second, you want to trust that the person knows what they’re talking about. You wouldn’t ask your vegetarian friend to critique your shortribs. You would find a friend who’s a shortrib connoisseur, who can diagnose your seasonings, troubleshoot your technique, and appreciate everything you did right. Ideally, you find a fellow writer who understands and likes the kind of thing you’re working on, and whose work you respect. (Why would you want writing advice from someone whose work you don’t respect?)

3. Communicate expectations

I vividly remember the very first time a fellow writer gave me feedback on some of my own pages. He offered, I said yes, emailed the pages, and waited. When he sent them back, I opened up the document and saw my sentences crossed out and re-written, margin comments, my words moved all around into different order.

I was so angry that I thought I was going to puke. I felt violated!

The issue (as it so often is) was expectations. I thought I was going to get back a paragraph with a summary of a few strengths and a few things for me to work on. He thought he was doing a line edit.

Since then, I’ve learned to state clearly what I’m looking for in a particular round of feedback. For example: “Can you read this over and tell me if it makes sense overall? If not, where is it confusing?” Or, “I’m struggling with the relationship between these two characters. Can you read this section and tell me what you think?” Or even, “PLEASE DO A SLASH AND BURN ON THIS I’M SO LOST.”

Going in with clear expectations can save time, energy, and friendships! (Pro tip: this is true about virtually everything in life.)

4. Ask questions (but don’t argue)

Getting the feedback isn’t necessarily the end of the communication. If there’s something in the critique you’re confused about, ask for clarification. If something opens up new questions about the work, ask them!

Non-defensive questions are great and reasonable; arguing is not. Sometimes you’ll get feedback you want to argue with — you’re only human. A reader might totally misunderstand your work or come up with potential solutions that you reject out of hand. That’s okay! You do not need to convince them of anything. It could be that the work just isn’t for them. Not every piece of writing is for every reader. Or it could be they’re pointing out a legit problem, but the solution they’re suggesting is not right for you. Either way:

5. Say thank you

Because I’m a published novelist who’s been around a while, I get a fair number of requests for reads from strangers. Sometimes, if it’s something short and sounds interesting and I have time, I say sure, and I read and send along my thoughts. And you would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t) at how often someone fails to close the feedback loop with a simple thank you.

Whether the person giving your work a read is a friend, stranger, acquaintance, classmate, or teacher, “thank you” is always appropriate. Even if it turns out the advice isn’t helpful or you feel defensive or mad or any other of those human feelings, if a person took the time to engage with your work in good faith, say thanks!

6. Reciprocate

While you’re saying thanks, it’s also good practice to offer to reciprocate. If you’re getting a peer-to-peer critique, this is fairly straightforward. You read my stuff, I read yours, we try to give each other helpful feedback, and everyone’s happy. Yay!

If you’ve asked a writer who’s a lot farther along on the path than you to give feedback, and they do it, it may not feel right to offer to give them feedback next time they’re looking. In that case, you can pay it forward when you’ve got some experience and a newer writer comes along and needs some perspective on their work.

And remember — when you’re giving feedback, you can model the “communicate expectations” step of this process. Ask, “What kind of feedback are you looking for on this draft? Anything in particular? Or should I just dive in and pull no punches?”

7. Be true to your vision

Feedback is just feedback. Some of it will be helpful. Some of it will miss the mark. Some of it will help you diagnose but not cure. Some of it will say more about the reader than about your writing. Some of it will be pure trash! It happens.

This all brings us back to the very first step: be ready. You want to be clear enough in your vision to be able to recognize the good stuff and put it to work for you. With practice, you’ll develop your confidence and your gut so that you know when a point of critique is right. It will resonate and kick your problem-solving muscles into gear and feel exciting. And when it’s not right, you’ll be able to non-defensively say “thank you” and leave it on the table.