How should my child talk to me?
By: Amonbo Amsura
Tags: Philosophy, Society, Parenting, Psychology, Sociology

How should my child talk to me?

I think we all recognize this, but as many of us grow older and have children, we perhaps feel caught in the middle of two poles.

If my atmosphere with my kid is too open and friendly, then my kid won’t take me seriously when it matters. If my atmosphere is too rigid, they might listen, but I’ll lose their openness.

The case can be made that it’s better to have too much structure than too little in parenting, I suppose how that turns out is left to the score.

I think the best case to be made is in regard to age. We will revisit this notion near the end.

Let’s start with: Obviously — you want to provide enough structure for this little monkey to become fully autonomous.

and you want to provide enough openness, to the extent you can, so that the monkey can depend on themselves.

…

To speak broadly. If one values a rigid relationship with the child, then subdue friendship.

But it’s tricky to have a rigid relationship and one that asks for openness — at one time.

Each parent toes the line from the way they see the world and does their best.

By demanding rigidity, one subdues openness. and they do it, often, for a parental cliche regarded as ‘Respect’.

But it is not Respect, as is defined by the Oxford Dictionary, for example.

It is a rightful obedience for those who know more than you, and have been on this planet longer than you, so it probably means they have some things to say about the world that you may not understand. Parents are conventionally, the beings who should accept this rightful obedience.

But typically, I think most children are fairly obedient with figures they trust. and most parents already do well to maintain that with their monkey children.

As kids are in their teens, this becomes more difficult, because it’s the age where, biologically speaking, teens are trying to understand their independence. and they’re carrying around a bat of hormones too;

Teens will have a wider range of emotions, and this can be misunderstood for a lack of structure. Which causes some parents to sense a need to “buckle down”.

I think in the context of what I just said, my next words won’t be too far misunderstood.

A parent is my role, it sets the intention, it means I care more about this thing than myself. (At least this is what the parents I’ve trusted tell me). Parents are people who gave birth to ‘little-er’ people and are trying to figure it out. My role as a parent is to make this little insightful monkey articulate, engaging and healthy. I should be an outlet for their challenges and small games, because they are practicing on me, what they will do on the world.

And I would rather it start with me. I am supportive of rigidity and ritual, but clearly my proclivity is more for openness in conversation with my child, especially in the older ages.

I’m not overly concerned with my child becoming darth-vader from being more friendly as the need for me being a parent ceases.

The role of actual parenthood dies.

Children don’t listen to what you say at all, they watch what you do. & Kids are not, literally, kids forever.

So as the time passes, and the child is becomming a fully autonomous adult, no longer needing to watch me as a parent in order to grow…

what will be left of our relationship then?

What will be left of our relationship then?

These would be my personal thoughts.