My daddy issues
By: Ale Rojas
Tags: Daddy Issues, Mental Health, Teenagers

Since I’ve heard of those, I was convinced I had them. I mean, I had an absent father that worked all the time, and I also had an abusive mother.

I didn’t really like my dad until I was 13 or so. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I remember that on one of those abusive episodes of my mother, I told my dad, and he acted like she was crazy and tried to protect me from that.

Of course, nothing bigger happened, but he seemed like a person that cared and would solve the issue, even if he did not do anything to solve it, he at least comprehended that something wrong was occurring.

That leads me to talk to him way much more, when we used to go for a ride, I always tried to tell him every detail that happened on that day, and looking back, I think I was looking for attention, or maybe approval for the minimal decisions I made.

I never told him about my personal life because I don’t feel comfortable sharing my life with my family, I think this is because I don’t want to feel judged or embarrassed, but that is another topic that I’ll deal with later on.

Eventually, I have met tons of guys, and looking back, even though they all had different personalities and the way I met them was so different too, they all have something in common, they are egotistical with a superiority complex and they all paid me attention.

Never raised a red flag for me, but now that I think about it, they all heard my day-to-day life, they all heard my problems, some helped, some didn’t, but they all showed some type of interest. For example, there was this guy that I told I had a pregnancy scare (not from him) and was the most supportive guy ever, he texted me asking if I had the test, how did it come, etc.

But there was this other guy that I told my problems and he just said, “it is what it is” (this one was the most toxic one). This specific case got me broken, I met him on an online game, eventually, I fell for him, and we had some type of talking stage, I told him how I felt and he said he felt the same but, in the end, he told me he couldn’t let himself fall for me.

At the same time, he acted jealous and possessive, but he couldn’t say that he cared about me, or even that he liked me. The whole process of getting over him was difficult until I cut him off, but after a while, we talked again, eventually, I realized he treated me poorly, and the final thing was that he yelled at me.

I told my friend this, he knew the whole story on every guy I liked, and he asked: “what do they all have in common?”, and I couldn’t answer, but he said: “they all have their egos to the moon”, and when Ithought about it, he was right.

Then I started thinking about how I opened myself to them and how I tried to do the same thing with my dad, and it all came down that I just look for attention from guys that think they are worth more than me.

And when it gets too real and they treat me good, I pass.

For now, I’m truly scared that I meet more guys like this, and they will end up treating me poorly like the other ones and I’m not going to realize it until it's too late.

I really hope I can grow from this because I really don’t want someone like my dad as a partner, if I somehow control it, I'll make another post about it.