Election 2020: Avoid Speaking in the Subjunctive Form If You Want to Win
Tags: Grammar, Elections, Democrats, Humor, Voting

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Election 2020. The Democratic primaries are heating up. I am trying to find my candidate. Each day the candidates line up for TV and radio appearances. Cable news treats the election as an upcoming sporting event with minute by minute play by play commentary. Who will win tonight’s primary? Who is ready to take on Trump?

I need a candidate to support.

“What I would say is…”

My personal pet peeve is when candidates often answer questions in the subjunctive form. Their answer starts with, “What I would say is that…” We don’t care what you WOULD say if you were theoretically asked a question. The reporter just asked you the question. Answer it. We want to know your actual answer, not your theoretical and hypothetical response.

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Answer it and Own it.

Perhaps grammar rules and verb forms are not exactly the most pressing issues in the 2020 election. It is still annoying. Candidate interviews are like a leaky faucet. Once I notice the drip, it blocks out everything else. I can’t unhear it.

What I would say… what I would say…what I would say….

Make it stop.

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“Would that is were, Jon. Would that it were.” Senator John Kerry Election 2004

My pain goes deep

Yes, I just quoted John Kerry from Election from 2004. The use of the subjunctive form has weighed heavily on my mind. I have carried this baggage since I first heard the leaky faucet on The Daily show. In this example, John Stewart asked Senator Kerry “Is it true that every time I use ketchup, your wife (Heinz ketchup heiress) gets a nickel?” Senator Kerry answered, “ Would that is were, Jon. Would that it were.”

What does that even mean? You killed John’s hilarious joke. 16 years later I will hear the leaky faucet.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Just answer the question

Prefacing the answer with “what I would say” implies that you are speaking hypothetically. The answer that follows is then speculative. Voters want confident and definitive answers.

This morning Joe Scarborough asked Mayor Pete, “How do you intend to handle the pressure of being a front runner.” I waited in anticipation for his next words. Would he say what he thinks or tell me what he “would say” if someone were to ask him that question?

“What I would say is….”

And we are back to the leaky faucet.

Stiff Competition

President Trump speaks with confidence. My Grammarly app was unable to decipher this quote, but he speaks decisively on the topic of….I am not exactly sure.

“I never understood wind, you know I know windmills very much. I’ve studied it better than anybody. They’re noisy. They kill the birds. You want to see a bird graveyard? Go under a windmill someday. But they’re manufactured. Tremendous if you’re into this, tremendous fumes. Gases are spewing into the atmosphere. You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe. So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything.” President Donald J. Trump

President Trump avoids the subjunctive; he is obsessed with the past and present and never thinks about consequences or the future, so I suppose that is predictable. Confidence exudes from the above response where windmills lead to bird graveyards creating toxic fumes and destroy the universe.

Hope and Change

I will not lose faith in the Democratic candidate to step up their grammar. On the campaign trail, Trump spoke in the subjunctive as well. “I think my positions are going to be what the people in this room come up with.” Despite his dangling preposition, if he can change, so can the challengers.

Why do they do it?

I am a gynecologist, not a political analyst. I do have a theory. If the candidates are well prepared for the question, they dip into their bag of prepared remarks and answer the question succinctly and directly.

When a politician receives a question for which they are not prepared, they get knocked off their game. They have to think on their feet. The phrase “what I would say” is a poker tell. It is a moment for voters to hear an answer that was not prepared in advance. A glimpse of authenticity.

It is similar to when Trump repeats the phrase, “Not a lot of people know that.” Translation, “I just read this off the teleprompter for the first time.”

Thinking on their feet should be a requirement for politicians. Unfortunately, candidates trade authenticity for safety. Instead, they move into the subjunctive and hypothetical to avoid any chance of making a mistake. Spontaneity is dangerous. Being safe but boring is favored over being honest and risky.

Critical Issues in 2020

Healthcare, education, the environment, and the economy. The critical four issues of 2020. I will also add bird-killing, toxic fume-producing windmills that destroy the universe. On election day, most people vote their pocketbooks.

I hope someone asks me who I plan to support in Election 2020. My answer will be “what I would say is” I will vote using my grammar book.