Privileged laundry
By: Small Town Claudia
Tags: Stimulus Check, Poverty, Money

“If 1200 dollars would change your life, imagine what a job would do.”

I stared at the meme on my Facebook feed, posted by a retirement age white male who makes $100k/year whom I otherwise respect in many ways. I dropped the phone on my bed and went back to folding kids’ clothes.

Clothes I bought for my kids over the last year, clothes I couldn’t have afforded at all 2 years ago. My mind wanders 9 years back to memories of myself as a pregnant 32 year old, sick as a dog, unable to get off the couch and drowning in depression knowing there was no insurance. I had a degree, a full time professional job, and my husband was working 12 hour+ days trying to make ends meet. 1200 dollars would have bought a full nursery and several months of baby clothes.

I folded some more leggings and thought about moving to the middle of America with a baby and a preschooler. Fighting to get them on Medicaid, watching my 5 year old in terrible pain from a cavity. I was working full time, $10/hour, and so was he. No insurance, no help from the “free” dental clinic. $1200 would have pulled her tooth.

Picking up a shirt with a sparkly unicorn on it, I smile at my youngest daughter’s love of sparkly magical things. And then the smile fades, remembering the 6 months when she was a year old we lived in a travel trailer with a leaky roof and no air conditioner. We paid $700/month for the privilege of not living in our car. Twelve hundred dollars would have paid a month and security of rent for an apartment, and literally changed our lives.

I spent over a year washing all the hand-me-downs and grandparent clothing purchases in laundromats. My parents came through for me in a big way, and I’m eternally thankful for their love. They are not wealthy, but they bought clothes for my kids when they could, shared grocery money, helped with an apartment deposit at one point. I’m fortunate — very fortunate indeed — to have that slim safety net. I return the love and generosity as best I am able. Folding clothes on the bed in my small duplex, I’m reminded that this too is a privilege and many do not have easy or cheap access to laundry facilities.

One year ago, when my spouse threw me out on Christmas Day, my friend loaned me $500 for a deposit on a living space. I had a job. I should have had money in the bank, equity in my home. But in a time when I trusted no one and was running on fear and adrenaline, that $500 changed my life.

My life is a crazy quilt of poverty and privilege, loss and love, fear and fulfillment. I am not alone in this crazy. If twelve hundred dollars is not life changing for you — or two thousand, or six hundred — know you are privileged. Your work ethic does not make you better or special. Your high paying job may be a happy accident due to where you live and who you know.

I’ve worked since I was 9, first with my parents in their business and then a steady stream of jobs all over the country. No one has EVER said I didn’t have a strong work ethic. And still that hasn’t kept me from slipping into poverty over and over and over.

I could explain the circumstances of each time. It’s not the same old story every time. It’s not a lack of foresight, inability to plan, or a need to live above my means. My story is enmeshed with the stories of others and none of us are perfect, all of us struggle with this, that, or everything. I’m hopeful it won’t happen again, but I have no guarantees.

My country — the good old United States of America — is proud of the lack of a safety net. We’re proud of our “work ethic” and determined to wear the blinders that let us ignore the immense privilege and wealth keeping so many in poverty and pain. We’re uneasy at the thought of shaking up the status quo, because it makes us vulnerable like everyone else.

$1200 isn’t life changing for me today. My kids eat fine, have warm clothing I chose for them or they chose themselves, and far too many Christmas gifts under the tree.

When I was pregnant and uninsured AND working two jobs, Medicaid was life saving. When my kids needed clothing and I couldn’t keep up even with three jobs, hand-me-downs were a gift received with unspeakable gratitude.

If I were in a different point in my life today and we had a worldwide pandemic? Twelve hundred dollars would not be nearly enough but still life changing and life giving.

If you don’t understand how that can be true, step away from your privilege. Take a good look at the laundry you’re folding and try to remember a time life was different.

And if you can’t? Now is not your time to talk. Just stop.