The Path from Despair
By: Clair Subhadra Firebird
Tags: Emotions, Trauma, Sadness, Personal Development, Spiritual Growth

It is so challenging to keep writing, to keep communicating, when every cell in the body just feels a large “Nope”. Writing is a great healer, and so I will use writing to reconnect with the healer inside of me, to find my gifts that I have especially for you.

In the midst of emotional turmoil, how can we remind ourselves of the blessed Universe, the inner guidance and the general good things about life? This week I have faced a few large blows. I’ve been driven to the edge of too many of the limits I felt I had. Things can always be worse. This is one thing I constantly remind myself. But it is also extremely important to acknowledge the present pain, and create our route out of it.

Acknowledgement can come in many forms. Drawing, writing, singing, dancing, anything where you are creating an expression of your voice within. Let it out. Find a way where you are not restricted by barriers. Use a combination of creative expressions. Last year I was suddenly struck by grief over a really insignificant event. I had just bought my first iPad and decided to explore my grief within it. I drew many pictures of the scene that had grieved me. I wrote a little song. I wrote a poem. I made an advert appealing to end the loss of the thing. I felt better. The grief was no longer within me, and I moved on. Although the pain wasn’t a large one, it gave me an insight into the tools I had available to work through whatever would come up afterwards. I was also able to explore the various emotions that surrounded the grief.

Our feelings have to be validated. I initially didn’t include this in the first draft of this post and was pulled up on it. Having someone witness and validate your pain is so powerful. It is very real, and it is yours. We should never downplay what is going on for someone else. I stress the need to find the right person for this. I initially did not consider it important as my emotions are often ignored by those around me. However once I found friends who were able to give me 100% attention and saw my feelings as valid and important, the pain was able to be expressed. I cried for hours. As the emotion left my body, I was able to relax and start the accept the situations I was in. I felt less need to fight for them to be different.

I have been in a lot of retreats and circles that claim to support this part of the process. But I am comfortable with one other person, who truly listens and can offer some insight. And that is enough for me. I don’t need to burn my woes in the Fire of Loss.

Be gentle with yourself. Play soft music. Sit in candlelight and comfort. Drink plenty of water and hot drinks. Shower with something that feels good. Wrap yourself in fluffy towels and put on something you love that is comfortable. If you have an animal, bribe it to be with you and engage with the fluff monster.

The next step is to find the wonder of the Universe again. Think about how the events unfolded and whether some aspects worked in your favour. Consider how they may have unfolded differently, that would have worked out worse for you. And the all important communication with the Universe. Ask for help. Seeing the bigger picture will help you put the situation as a whole into perspective. Rise above it and send everyone involved, love.

It may help to have a list of the kinds of things that support you to leave this state of distress. Friends you can spend time with. Activities you can do, such as a long walk in nature. Remember to engage your senses where possible, in order to bring yourself out of your head and back into your body. Sometimes this can be as small an act as simply having a shower, and really focussing on the soap, the water, the sensations of all of it.

When you feel ready, start a stronger self-talk. Remind yourself that you are a strong person, that you can handle these situations, and that support is all around you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you need to believe it is, because it is actually true. We are so much more capable than we ever allow ourselves to think.

Finally, find some way to laugh. I keep a You Tube playlist of things that make me smile every time I watch them. When I’m ready, I play them, and it helps to jolt me out of whatever trench I am in.

This week, each time life knocked me hard, as much as I wanted to fall into the abyss, and in between allowing myself to, I made a conscious effort to look around me to see if I could help another person. Each time I found someone who either needed a friendly ear as they worked out their own problems, or someone who needed assistance with something I could do easily. As they thanked me afterwards, I knew they were actually helping me. Their ability to reach out and ask for help, gave me the rope I needed to pull myself out of the hole. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for what you need. Someone out there may be relying on it.