Why Don’t We Discuss Intimacy in line with the Sunnah?
By: Dhun Nurayn El Shabazz
Tags: Sex, Marriage, Quran, Muslim, Islam

Why Don’t We Discuss Intimacy in line with the Sunnah?

Your wives are a place of cultivation for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth righteousness for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers. — Qur’an 2[Al-Baqarah]:223 Dhun Nurayn El Shabazz Follow Sep 10 · 7 min read

To be honest, sex is natural and it’s part of our physiology. If you don’t know, intercourse boosts the release of serotonin — this is the hormone responsible for stabilizing our mood with a feeling of happiness. Intimacy is not something to be ashamed of or disgusting like some other religion portrays it. Various cultures and societies have presented sex to us as taboo or forbidden to talk about. In addition, the flood of indecent movies and pictures hasn’t helped our degenerated generation. Undoubtedly, it should be a mature conversation within the context of marriage with bashfulness and not just for fun. This is a matter that should enhance marital harmony but sadly, not understanding it has crashed many relationships. One question that comes to mind is: why did Allah make it lawful, interesting, and pleasurable? A lot of people suffer in silence owing to ignorance and our stigma towards this sincere conversation. Unfortunately, women often get the shorter end of the stick as she’s sometimes seen as a whore if she demands to be pleased.

The blessed Messenger Muhammad PBUH was sent to mankind with this religion of truth encompassing every facet of life. He touched intricately every bit of our daily lives without neglecting intimacy. There’s this famous hadith of Jabir ibn Abdullah which we shall examine in this piece. It’s a very popular one filled with wisdom and practicality. He admonished Jabir like a father should do to his son or a cleric to the newly wedded. Hence, I think we should encourage scholars and community leaders likewise not to be shy when it comes to teaching Muslims about sexual etiquette. If people don’t learn it the right way, they have several other means to figure things out in an inappropriate manner. Let’s enjoy the hadith viz:

Jabir ibn Abdullah reported that once he was on an expedition with the Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam, and when they were close to the city of Madinah, he sped on his mount. The Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, “I am recently married!” The Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam asked, “To an older lady or a younger one?” [a widow or a virgin], to which he replied, “A widow.” The Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam said, “But why didn’t you marry a younger girl so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?” He said, “O Messenger of Allah! My father died a martyr at Uhud, leaving behind daughters, so I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, but rather an older one who could take care of them and look after them.” The Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa salam replied, “You have made the correct choice.” Jabir continues, “So when we were about to enter the city, the Prophet salla Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam said to me, ‘Slow down, and enter at night, so that she who has not combed may comb her hair, and she who has not shaved may shave her private area.’ Then he said to me, ‘When you enter upon her, then be wise and gentle.’’ — Bukhari and Muslim

This hadith is full of immense benefits, and cannot be overemphasized as different treaties can be derived from this single hadith. However, this article is more concerned with where it sheds light on intimacy and marriage in Islam. It also illustrates the fact that this isn’t a subject that should be swept under the carpet. Hence, it succinctly answers the question: why don’t we discuss intimacy in line with the sunnah.

Since this piece is geared towards intimacy in line with the sunnah, here are a few tips gathered that we hope will be beneficial…