An attempt at unblocking writer’s block.
By: Tash Pericic
Tags: Motivation, Writers Block, Writing

Image by Steve Johnson from Pixabay

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I have serious writer’s block at the moment. Even writing that last sentence was like pulling teeth and my mind said –

“Wow, what an opening line, brilliant stuff.” (note the sarcasm)

I almost gave up before I’d even begun because I feel utterly useless at the moment. But I have made myself a challenge — I’m currently free-flow writing and not allowed to stop under any circumstances, with little-to-no editing. Stream of consciousness or just a whole lot of hfjdkhfkahfdjakfdfnjanj.f ancajfndfjndsjfnsdjfnsknfkds on the screen, we’ll see.

Note: the latter is how I feel my words sound right now.

I think that many people are under the impression that writing comes naturally to me. And it does, to a point. I love writing and have been writing in some way, shape or form for as long as I can remember but that doesn’t mean words always flow freely and eloquently; in fact, more often than not, they don’t.

Most of the blogs I publish (let’s not talk about the pile of sad, neglected half-written unpublished pieces), have been laboured over for hours. The average blog takes about 4–8 hours, but many have taken upwards of 20 hours with — writing, writing, editing, re-writing, tweaking, trashing everything and starting from square one…

Other times it flows like a river where I am the watcher, almost detached as the words flow from, past or through me. These days are glorious and those pieces seem to have a touch of divine inspiration to them — often, I can’t even believe they came from me. But those days are few and far between. Mostly, it’s a slog.

The days that the writing is tough, don’t necessarily say anything about the content either. Yes, some of my best and most genuine pieces of writing have come in the magical free flow, but many, if not most, have been slogging it out; like a sculptor, looking at a piece of stone, knowing what lays beneath and having to begin the slow, tedious labour of chipping away to reveal my ‘David’.

I go through this funk every year, especially moving from summer to winter. During the summer months, we work on a yacht, sailing the Dalmatian coast. My energy and focus become more present and physical — moving from task to task, being around people 24/7, rather than being in my head. And, of course, because I’m not trying, it’s during these times that I have some of the most profound insights and inspirations — which I tell myself I will come back to after the summer months because this is what my winter is for.

The last rays of summer fade, the cool days of winter begin to set in and I finally sit down to my laptop, ready to release the myriad musings that have been roaming around in my mind and instead come up with ______________.

Blank.

It’s like there are almost too many ideas that have all become entangled and now I need to begin the painstaking task of separating them. Just like an old box of jewellery that you discover, where every piece is in a tangled mess with the next. I need to set about untangling these ideas. Some clunky, obvious pieces break away easily but the delicate, more refined pieces — the ones I actually want, are typically the pieces that take the longest to free. The right amount of force balanced with a gentle hand and perseverance are required for this task.

It’s slow, frustrating and often defeating work.

I also put far too much pressure on myself. Since announcing that I am writing a book, I have… written less than ever. Same goes for my blog that I finally launched. I thought it would be good positive pressure but instead, the ‘positive pressure’ has acted more like a boulder weighing me down. I, alone, have set myself impossible standards to meet and feel like a failure before I have even truly set out on this journey.

It’s a daily battle where I doubt myself and give up at least 100 times a day.

If there is one thing I can rely on in this process, it’s that my mind (the ego), will always be there telling me all the ways I am useless and how I will fail miserably and never amount to anything — gotta give it something, at least it is consistent!

I recently finished the book BIG MAGIC by Liz Gilbert which talks about the creative process, exactly like this actually. How, for her, some days it comes easily but mostly she just shows up day after day to do the work, regardless of the outcome. Some days the muses are kind and pay a visit, some ideas go BIG, others don’t but she writes because writing is what she wants to do. Being a writer is the contract she made with life regardless of whether it brings her success or not (which it clearly has). Now, it might be easy to be a cynic and say — “well, yea, easy for her to say, she has NYT best-selling books, rave reviews, millions of fans and her book even made it to the big screen, so of course she shows up.”

But she has been at this for a long time, and she details the days and hours spent writing to no avail, the never-ending flow of rejection letters, and yet, here she is.

She attributes this to many things in her book. Perseverance is maybe the key that stands out, but also (hint: it’s in the title) a little bit of magic and playfulness has perhaps been her spirit guide on this path. She mentions not taking yourself so seriously, that if something is written on your heart — like being a writer, then — just write.

Write because it’s the only thing you know how to do or want to do with your time. Write, regardless of the outcome.

Next question — “but what if I’m not good enough to make a living from it?”

Then don’t.

In fact, she advises against putting any financial pressure on creative pursuits, because it is a sure-fire way to kill creativity in its tracks. No one wants that sort of financial pressure put on them, especially the playful thing that is creativity.

Write, just because. Maybe it’ll flop, maybe an idea will bomb, maybe you’ll get it wrong. Maybe it won’t be a huge success and maybe nobody will ever know your name through it but fuck it, just write. Make a living another way, but keep your creative pursuits pure and as joyful as possible.

Maybe in this way, we bring something into the world that wasn’t here otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, by removing the pressure, we allow the time and space for a masterpiece to come through… or not… but heck, at least we tried.

In case it isn’t obvious yet, this is like a letter to myself. I needed to hear this. A rally call, a pep talk. And, wouldn’t you know it, I have just sat down and pumped out 1206 words so far (in 35 minutes), in a free flow. Taking to my ‘writer's block’ with a fucken sledgehammer. Better yet, if you are reading this, it means I went one step further and pressed published, sending something new out into the Universe, even if it ain’t perfect or very good, just because.

I am even smiling.

Holy shit. When I first sat down, I had the look of someone in a dentist’s waiting area, knowing the teeth pulling is going to be excruciating. I even procrastinated sitting down to write as much as avoiding going to the dentist in the first place. And here I am, smiling, without any happy gas.

AND THIS my friends, is BIG MAGIC.

And flows into another of Gilbert’s points and something I need to remind myself of (when the ego tries to get too involved). I write for me, I always have. Don’t get me wrong, I get a great joy from people appreciating my writing or some of my words resonating with others— I don’t think there is a greater joy or compliment for a writer. But, first and foremost, I write for me, it has always been my outlet and way of processing my experiences.

I struggle more when I am overthinking a topic or wondering what people will think — how to write a crowd-pleaser or tick up the likes. Yes, I know this is ego and I do my best to keep it in check but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have these thoughts.

Having sat down to write this, it truly was for me. I needed the boost, the pep talk. No one else is going to give it to me. I don’t get messages or calls from friends or family saying ‘hey Tash, just calling to say you’re amazing and keep writing, you’ve got this’.

Writing is mostly a solitary thing and the greatest motivation is always going to be intrinsic — coming from inside, versus outside recognition. While words of encouragement from others are nice, they are an instant hit of dopamine, a stroke of the ego but just like drugs, these words and their effects don’t last and can often leave one with a nasty ‘calm down’, craving another boost for the ego. Recognition and praise help along the way but when it comes down to it, they don’t make me sit down to my laptop day after day. I need to bring myself here and to do this, I need to approach it with equal parts joy and commitment, otherwise, it is never going to happen.

Writing is written on my soul and just like Gilbert, I too, feel that I have made a contract with life to write. Even if it never goes beyond my circle, I know I will continue to write for the rest of my days, the rest is up to the gods.

So, this was a piece of writing for myself, if it resonates with you in any way — brilliant. If not, that’s ok, because I have finally pushed through my writer’s block (at least for today)!