17 Games Not On Screens If You Remember That Sort Of Thing
By: Shani Silver
Tags: Tech, Life, Humor, Nostalgia, Games

Interact with something that doesn’t have to be charged.

I can’t with the screens. No more. I haven’t left the house enough this year to continue feeding myself this much technology. Remember TREES? I need help. One thing that has actually allowed me to reconnect with my own humanity during the year that forgot how to year was activities that do not involve screens or technology of any kind. Things like books. Decks of cards. Cooking without my laptop open to a recipe and inevitably getting splashed with runoff. Looking through family photos from the days we printed those. Anything, literally anything unplugged. This shit is important.

We can’t become the machines. We have to remember that life exists outside of them. And while I appreciate the irony of me telling you about a bunch of no-screen games from a SCREEN YOU HAVE TO READ, here we are anyway. If you need ideas for things to do with your eyes that won’t make them itch later, read on. (These will not arrive by the holidays, get over it, January exists.)

First up: The puzzle above that looks like a bunch of VHS tapes. And yes, puzzles count as games. For my purposes here, anything that’s fun and doesn’t involve binary code counts as a game.

Photo via Target

This cool-ass game was designed for one person by Neil Patrick Harris no I am not kidding. It’s one of the very few products I’ve ever seen designed specifically for single people. For me, it’s right up there with back scratchers and that little thing that lets you put on a bracelet by yourself.

Photo via Etsy

Yes, this is 100% a version of Guess Who using only women who changed the world. Did you know there are people on Etsy who MAKE BOARD GAMES? The whole point of this is for us to spend less time on screens but if you want to wander down this rabbit hole you go RIGHT AHEAD.

I just like being the kind of person that actually has these things on hand when someone asks and they’re not missing half a suite so the Joker had to get drawn on to resemble the eight of spades. This set is so cool I’m shocked a bottle of Bulleit bourbon and a record player isn’t included.

Only now we get to play it with Chardonnay. If you were terrible at Operation as a kid, you will be terrible at it now, but if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we need shit to do at home or we’ll go insane.

Photo via Nordstrom.

Aw. It’s cute.

Photo via Anthropologie

This is a grown-ass Connect Four set. If you leave it on your coffee table people won’t be able to keep their hands off it. It’s so PRETTY.

When I tell you there’s literally nothing I loved more as a child than Chutes and Ladders. Yes I was indoorsy, what of it? I’m kinda tempted to just buy this and frame the board.

Photo via Etsy

This is a magnetic chess set if you’d like to get all Queen’s Gambit with your life.

I really like board games that don’t look like children own them. This actually nice piece of equipment is both Scrabble and Monopoly, two games that can be depended on to never change. It will also always be very fun to beat the snot out of other people at either activity.

Tell me you don’t want to own this again and I will call you a liar right to your face. Remember when this seemed like it was from the future?

Photo via Kohls

I mean, I don’t NOT want it…

This is a charming scene in puzzle format. For those of us with cats, I get it, believe me. Just cover them with a towel in between puzzling sessions and you’ll be fine. I also really like sending people puzzles in the mail as touchless gifts. It’s really thoughtful and no one is ever upset to have a new puzzle lying around. Pro tip: Always bring one on vacations when you’re renting a house with a bunch of people.

This looks like a concussion waiting to happen and honestly I’m here for it. If you’ve ever watched The Floor Is Lava on Netflix, or you have actual human children in your house, this game is for you.

Photo via Kohls.

If you need a solid move-pieces-around-on-a-board-and-don’t-think-too-much kinda game, here she is. This is also great for anyone who needs the warm grandmotherly hug of nostalgia from time to time.

This is rainbow Jenga, for anyone over that unfinished wood shit. Another excellent conversation piece to leave out during a cocktail party when we’re allowed to have fucking cocktail parties again. In the meantime it’s fun to play and only marginally annoying to clean up. There’s also a very fancy lucite version if you prefer.

Confession: I do not know how to play this game. I have never had even the slightest idea. If you do know how to play, and want a set that’s visually attractive, here you go.

I hope you enjoyed my little list of games. Now turn off your computer or phone and go be alive.

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Shani Silver is a writer and podcaster based in Brooklyn who writes on Medium, frequently. This post uses affiliate links. Thanks for supporting someone who isn’t paid a salary to write what you just read.