Leadership: Expectations vs Reality
By: Suzan Bond
Tags: Management, Startup, Self, Leadership, Work

Daydreaming is part of the human experience. It helps us get through difficult days, giving us hope for the future. As kids, we daydream about fantastical scenarios of our adult life. We dream of living in Africa, running wild with our pet cheetah. Instead, we grow up to live in Brooklyn hunched over a laptop 12 hours a day.

When we want something, we imagine how good we’ll feel, how having this thing will change our lives. When reality doesn’t match our imagination, we’re disappointed. One of the best film representations of the chasm between expectations and reality is 500 Days of Summer. In the film Tom spends the better part of a year courting Summer. He puts all his hopes and dreams into building a relationship with her. She breaks up with him. He’s bitterly disappointed. A few months later they run into each other at a wedding. After they spend the evening laughing, dancing and reminiscing about their past she invites him to a party at her apartment. He arrives excited about the promise of a reunion. He imagines all the fun they’ll have, expecting they’ll be back together for good. His expectations fall apart almost as soon as he enters the apartment. Instead of a passionate kiss she greets him with a friendly hug. Rather than spending the party arm-in-arm he pours stiff drinks by himself. The final gut punch comes when he realizes she’s engaged to someone else. Reality takes over, his hopes for the relationship dashed. He sinks into a depression, leaving his bed only for junk food and whiskey.

We may not be lovesick young adults hoping our crush likes us back. Still, how we feel when starting a new relationship is similar to how we feel taking our first leadership position. We bring a load of expectations along with us. We’re hopeful this role will give us the career satisfaction we seek. The gap between expectations and reality is one of the most common reasons for coaching. While a leader might say they want help with working with other execs, having influence or making better decisions, what they often mean is: leadership isn’t what I expected and I don’t know how to deal with it. The dream slides away, leaving shadows of what could have been. More than one has confessed that the reality of leadership was too much, they longed to return to being part of the team.

Common leadership expectations vs reality gaps

Expectation: More autonomy

Reality: Less control than you think

You do get some more autonomy in your area, it’s not as much as you hope. You’ll have to include outside factors like other teams or larger company goals and often won’t be the final decision maker. While it might be due to a controlling boss, the bigger factor is a larger role in organizational planning. Leadership increases organizational demands, widening the complexity of decision making, reducing an individual leader’s autonomy. As you work through the tangle of organizational conflict and decision making you need to hone those collaboration skills. Instead of focusing on having control, you need to concentrate on building strong relationships. The faster you lose the ego and focus on others, the better experience you’ll have as a leader.