Can a Single Parent Homeschool?
By: Wendy Miller
Tags: Children, Family, Single Parent, Education, Homeschooling

The pandemic changed education for everyone this year. Many kids went on spring break and never went back to school — at least, not physically. Teachers had to scramble to adapt assignments they’d usually teach in a classroom to be taught online or done entirely by the parents and kids at home. Everyone struggled.

Many parents were frustrated by the way the end of the school year was handled. But many more are concerned about how the upcoming school year will be handled. They wonder if kids will need to wear masks (and how they’ll convince their 5-year-old he needs to keep his mask on at school). They wonder what lunch will look like. Will kids still get recess? Will there be a combo of online and classroom learning?

With so many questions, a lot of parents are considering an even bigger change: homeschooling. It’s a big leap to change from public or private school to homeschooling. And with only the summer to decide, it can feel even scarier.

But for single parents, there’s an even bigger question to answer: can a single parent homeschool? And that question is a hard one to answer because there are so many complexities to it. It’s not as simple as considering time or money, though those are two considerations.

Let’s try to answer the question today. Can a single parent homeschool?

Let’s start with a basic answer: Yes, they can.

I am a single parent and I’ve been homeschooling since January 2012. I made the decision in early October 2011, and spent the weeks in between researching and preparing for it. So yes, it can be done and quite successfully. My 19-year-old graduated welding school last week and has his first welding job making more than $30K per year.

Now let’s dive into some of the complex issues that go into determining whether you, specifically, can homeschool as a single parent.

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How does your ex feel about it?

My ex was long out of the picture when it came time for me to decide to homeschool. His thoughts and feelings never came into consideration for me because he wasn’t around and wasn’t going to be around. But that’s not the case for most single parents, so you need to know how your ex feels about it.

If your ex is on board with the idea, then great. You don’t need to think about this anymore.

But if they’re not on board, or if you have a difficult relationship, it’s a bit more complicated. If you share legal custody, then it’s a decision you both have to make together. And if you can’t agree, then it might be something you have to return to mediation or court to resolve.

Even if you don’t share legal custody, if they don’t agree with homeschooling, your ex can still take you back to court over it. And in some areas, judges aren’t very homeschool-friendly.

What does your court order say?

If you aren’t a single parent by choice or being widowed, then you most likely have a court order that spells out custody and other issues regarding your children. Most of the time, homeschooling isn’t specifically addressed unless it was an issue when you got divorced. But sometimes it is.

Take a look at your court order. What does it say regarding who makes the decisions when it comes to education? If it says you make those decisions, then you’re already on your way to being able to homeschool.

If you share legal custody, though, refer back to the first point and getting your ex on board. And if it specifies anything about who pays for schooling or where the kids can attend school, you may need to consult with a lawyer to determine what you can do and how to go about it.

What are your state laws?

In many states, parents can homeschool their kids by filing some simple paperwork to get started and then filing regular reports on attendance, grades, etc. Some are even simpler. But there are a few states that have laws indicating parents need a college degree or to meet other requirements.

So it’s important to check the laws before you get too far in the process. Make sure you can meet any legal requirements about your own education. You also need to be sure that whatever the state requires of you in terms of paperwork, testing, and reporting is something you can easily keep up with.

While it’s generally fairly simple, if you fail to keep up with your state’s requirements, you could find yourself heading to truancy court. And that’s not going to do you any favors as a single parent.

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What methods and curricula, if any, would you use?

Do you know how your kids learn best? What about yourself? I know that I learn best by reading instructions and doing. My kids learn best by watching videos and doing. Other people learn best by hearing. There are a number of ways to learn.

It can be trial and error to find the best learning methods for your kids and then to find the best curriculum that matches that learning method. And all kids learn differently, so you might have three kids and need three different curricula to match their needs.

Of course, you don’t necessarily have to buy a curriculum. But do you know where to find videos, audiobooks, books, worksheets, games, activities, and other things you might need to teach them? Have you found any groups that can offer you advice and suggestions, including what to avoid?

Do you have support to help you out?

Do you have family or friends who are not only supportive of your decision but also willing to help out? While you can certainly try to do everything on your own, it can be helpful to have others who can help too.

Maybe your best friend is willing to teach the kids the math you suck at. Maybe your dad will teach them how to work with tools (remember that life skills are important too!). Maybe your mom can bake with them (and sneak in some fractions work too).

But what about just being around? If you’ll need to leave the kids with a sitter or in a daycare while you work, are your childcare providers on board with supervising as your kids do worksheets or complete reading assignments? Will they turn on educational programming for your kid to watch? Or will all schooling fall to you during the limited hours you have with the kids?

How will the kids make friends?

Homeschooling parents get asked a lot how our kids get socialization if they’re not in school. And it annoys us, but when you’re a single working parent, it might be a valid question. Co-ops and homeschooling groups usually meet during the day during the week. Field trips and other activities are often scheduled during typical business hours.

So if you’re working during those hours, what is your plan for ensuring your kids get to see and hang out with other kids? Will you take off work? Can you rearrange your schedule? Do you have friends or family or a childcare provider willing to take the kids to co-ops, field trips, and other activities?

If you have a more flexible schedule, working from home or for yourself, that’s better. But you still need to evaluate how easily you can accommodate fitting in outings. Are you willing or able to do some work late in the evenings or on weekends to make up for time you spend getting the kids out and about?

Are your finances up to the challenge?

In some ways, homeschooling can be financially easier. You don’t feel pressured to buy expensive clothes or other belongings just because all the other kids have them. Field trips tend to be less expensive.

But in others, homeschooling can cost quite a bit more. If you choose to buy curricula, that could cost you several hundred or thousands of dollars per kid. You’ll be responsible for all three meals, which might be a new expense if your kids got free breakfast and/or lunch either through state aid or a great school that offered free meals to all students.

You may need to upgrade your home internet to accommodate everyone being online at once, plus purchase laptops or other electronic devices to enable everyone to be online at once. You might also find yourself needing or wanting to pay for a membership at a gym like the YMCA so the kids can get more physical activity than just riding their bikes around the neighborhood or playing catch in the backyard.

When and how will you teach?

Homeschooling as a single parent is like anything else as a single parent; in the end, the responsibility is all on you. So in addition to working full-time and raising the kids, you’ll be taking on the full responsibility of their education.

So when will you teach them? Will you teach them during the day Monday through Friday like a traditional school? Or will you teach them in the evenings and on weekends so you can work a traditional schedule? Do you work from home and will teach them around your own meetings and work?

How will you teach? Will you act as a teacher and actively teach? Or will you rely on videos, text, audio and other methods and have your children come to you when they need help or have questions that aren’t answered by the other method? While there isn’t a wrong way to go about this, you need to have a rough idea of what your plan is.

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What grade(s) are your kids in?

Younger children tend to need a lot more handholding and supervision than a middle or high school student. But middle and high school work tends to be harder so even though they might not need you to watch them like a hawk, they may come to you with more questions.

As a general rule, having started when my kids were in 2nd and 5th grades, I have found that it has consistently gotten easier the older they’ve gotten. However, some of that may also be because we began to find our way and settle into our groove. If you’re just starting out, you may find that it doesn’t matter if they’re in kindergarten or starting their senior year of high school, it’s rough.

If they’re scattered across a wide range of grades, you may find it’s more time consuming. If you have two kids that are close in grade (1st and 2nd grade, for example), you can often teach them the same things in the same ways or at slightly different levels that makes it easier on you. But when you have, say, a kindergartener, a 6th grader, and a senior in high school, you’ll need to dedicate time to each kid and be prepared to shift gears when they have questions.

How committed are all of you?

Homeschooling is hard. It takes a lot of your time, energy, and dedication. It takes motivation from you and your kids. If anyone isn’t fully on board, they can drag their feet and make it miserable for everyone else. And even if everyone’s on board, if you’re not fully committed, it’s easy to want to give up.

You all need to be willing to put in the work, dedicate the time, and find the internal motivation to keep going even when it’s hard.

Of course, it can also be fun. One of the perks of homeschooling is that kids can follow their own interests more easily and with more time than they can in traditional school. But it still requires commitment, so you need to make sure that you and the kids are all in.

You can do it — if you want to

You absolutely can homeschool as a single parent. It’s not the easiest thing in the world, but it’s also not the hardest. And the rewards are well worth it. You’re not held hostage by the public school calendar, you get to decide what your kids learn and when, and you have more control over what your kids are exposed to when it comes to friends and behavior.

But it’s also like so many other things. If you don’t really want to do it, you’ll hate it and be miserable. So the question isn’t really whether you can do it. The question is really do you want to do it?

You have time. Homeschooling shouldn’t be a quick decision nor should it be made without doing research. Take your time, do the research, and make the decision you know is best for your family.

Whichever way you decide, it’ll be the right decision for your family and that’s all that matters.