When to Push for More And When to Aggressively Pursue Less
By: Nicole Bryan
Tags: Minimalism, Self Improvement, Life Lessons, Beyourself, Finance

LIFE

When to Push for More And When to Aggressively Pursue Less

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

Striving for more is normal. It’s in our DNA. It’s as old as time.

The fittest during the hunter-gatherer age were those most likely to survive. And those most likely to survive were those who could secure food.

More food = greater chance of survival.

Less food = greater chance of dying young.

The definition of food has changed. Today we call food “resources.” And those with greater access to resources still have a greater chance of survival.

It seems like French writer Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr was ahead of his time when he claimed that “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

We still obsessively go after more. We still live in fear of being saddled with less.

Less feels unsafe. Less feels scary. Less dredges up our dreaded memories of pain.

Or as Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel would say, “To create competition, create scarcity.

The logical conclusion, therefore, becomes that more is safe. More is pleasure. More is always better.

Thus, more becomes our compass, our ultimate goal.

Aristotle said, “Man is a goal-seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals.”

When more is our goal. And goals give meaning. Then more becomes what gives us meaning. And when a thing gives us meaning, we are willing to live for it or die for it.

And so our journey unfolds, with a now familiar story.

More education. More work. More money. More attention. More power.

More — everything.

When More Becomes Your Meaning

A close colleague of mine back when I was in my twenties (and she was in her seventies) had survived a depression, a recession, and a civil war in her country. She would tell me story, after story of the sacrifices that she and her family used to make for food back in those days.

She was trying to explain. She wanted me to understand. To not judge her for the three huge overstuffed closets in her classroom. She had toys, books, scissors, glue, staplers — every classroom material possible that she had collected over the last twenty years as a teacher.

And yet every time there was a supplies distribution at work, she would be the first one in line. No line was ever too long. No box too heavy. No supplies tracking and reporting system too inconvenient.

And if ever there were supplies leftover, she would always go back for more.

More was her coping mechanism. Her survival story. It was how she had survived a recession, a depression, and a civil war. The pursuit of more had become her identity, and by extension — her meaning.

And yes, she was willing to live in a crowded classroom for it — or die on a supplies pick-up line for it.

Who Wants More?

Photo by Jeff Siepman on Unsplash

Most of us consistently strive for more. The “more” might be different — super-sized fries for some, super-sized yachts for others.

Feel free to define your own “more.” Know that, no, the definition doesn’t matter.

What matters is that the striving doesn’t change. And the meaning stays the same.

We sometimes pretend that only greedy people strive for more. That this pursuit is relegated to only millionaires and billionaires who never know when enough is enough.

This line of thinking comforts us. Like wine, it tastes like virtue signaling at its finest.

And in a drunken stupor, we put our heads together and manage to slur, “we may not be perfect but at least we’re not that bad.”

But if we were totally honest with ourselves, we would admit that we too strive for more. We like to dream big, think big, go big or go home.

Optimize for More Or Settle For Less?

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

After years and years of optimizing for more, the tide is starting to shift. We woke up one day to billboards shouting “less is more!”

The Tiny House Movement, The Fire Movement, and Minimalism were the first ones rushing through the door.

They all agreed to scream the theme.

“Keep it simple. Keep it small. Less is more.”

A friend of mine, heeding the call, jumped out the gate and with zero notice decided to become a minimalist.

One day we are out shopping and I say, “Hey, how about getting this cute pair of pants?” Instantly she replies, “no way. I already have a pair of pants. And I would need to figure out how to get rid of it in order to justify buying a second pair.”

Flabbergastered, I selfishly started to question what the mystery of minimalism would mean for our friendship. It didn’t take too long for me to find out.

Interaction A:

Me: “Wanna hang out?”

Madame Minimalist: “Yeah sure, but you would have to pick me up because I no longer have a car.”

Interaction B:

Me: “Wanna grab a bite?”

Madame Minimalist: “Sure. But you’re gonna have to spot me this time. I left my job. It no longer aligns with my minimalist values.”

And with that, the “less is more” movement was underway. The disciplined pursuit of less (even if for our loved ones it sometimes felt like more.)

So Which Is it? Is More Is More, Or Is Less More?

The big question remains. Do we optimize for more? Or do we aggressively cut back and learn to be satisfied with less?

The answer as I see it — is that there’s no universal answer.

When we stifle all of the noise from outside and we sit with ourselves, we give ourselves the opportunity to figure out where we want more, and where we need less.

And once we get to that point, we also get to ask ourselves the harder question — why?

Example A:

In my twenties and thirties, I wanted more. I actively pursued more degrees, more opportunities, more promotions, more real estate investments, more influence, more impact.

In my twenties and thirties, I also wanted less. I aggressively got rid of all bad debt. I saved on teabags. I saved on clothing. I saved on entertainment. I saved on almost all conveniences.

Why?

I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to deserve myself. I was afraid of failure. I didn’t want to let myself down. I didn’t want to let anyone who had sacrificed for me down. I believed in a mission bigger than myself, which I too consistently put before myself.

Example B:

In my forties, I still want more. More time alone. More time to read. More time to reflect. More time with loved ones. More autonomy. More freedom. More connections. More flow states. More “ahas.” More peace.

In my forties, I also want less. Less space. Less clutter. Less responsibility. Less fancy business ideas. Less drama. Fewer commitments. Fewer employees. Fewer interruptions.

Why?

I no longer need the external validation. It worked for a while until it didn’t.

My values have evolved and are more clear. I now embrace more of the internal; to feel-full and to ful-fill. So my mores and less(es) have shifted.

The TakeAways

When to push for more and when to aggressively pursue less is entirely up to you.

Sometimes more is more. Sometimes less is more.

Our current goals, values, motivation, and season will dictate when we pursue more, and when we pursue less.

For some, more may always feel better. The external trappings of success may lead to internal joy, increased time with their loved ones, and more joyful and meaningful experiences.

They may have all of the stuff — but it’s the people with whom they enjoy the stuff and the experiences that they build from it, that gives them meaning.

It works for them, it works for their tribe, it works for their goals.

For others, less may feel more natural. For them, simple is better. Simple = peace. Having fewer things (be it concrete or abstract) is the ultimate source of freedom.

And for all of us — we may go for more in some categories and be perfectly content with less in others.

“To thine own self be true,” says Polonius in Hamlet. And truer words have never been spoken.

Ultimately, asking the right questions is sometimes more important than the answers.

Is this working for me? How do I know?

Does this bring me joy? How do I know?

Does this serve me and the people and causes that I care about? How do I know?

If the answer is “yes” and the evidence lines up then, do you! Pursue more — or less as you continue to assess what’s best. And for as long as that continues to light you up, feel free to ignore the rest.

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