Different Paths, Different Paces.
By: Ameerah Aisha Osman
Tags: Path, Healing, Breakups, Realist, Relationships

Different Paths, Different Paces.

Photo by Aleksandra Boguslawska on Unsplash

I had this thought ever since I was 12, people come and go, and when it is time for them, for us to take a different path, just embrace it and move forward regardless.

Why? Because nothing ever last forever. Fruits will rot, color turns dull, make ups have expiry date and living things such as plants and animals will die. I’m sorry, it was not my intention to go dark at the very beginning.

But hear me out, maybe the reason why I’ve been living fine is because holding on to this thought, ensure me to be prepared for anyone leaving. I don’t let myself to be attached with anyone because there’s nothing permanent. I had a pet hamster named Mo and he’s been a great company throughout the year but one night, I came back from my theatre practice and found him dead in his cage. I didn’t even cry and don’t get me wrong, I love him so much but since day one of having him, I acknowledged the fact that winter white dwarf hamsters do not live a long life and I was prepared for his death. I still miss him tho. RIP Mo.

Some might say I am detached, and this is my coping mechanism for lost but no, I’m just a realist.

Realists or “The Doer” is one of 16 Personality Types that you can read further on this website PersonalityPerfect.com. As defined by YourDictionary.com realist is a person who can look at things as they are and deal with it in a practical manner, or an artist or philosopher who believes in showing and discussing realism rather than visionary thoughts. We take everything good or bad as it is, we look into facts instead of theories, abstracts and hope.

Which leads to the topic itself, me and my friend Baem had this conversation literally last week. Why sometimes people take separate ways? Why some people took so long to process their lost, while some might get over their breakup in two weeks time. Why people hung up on their ex for years? And why people heal differently.

That is the question me and Baem tried to grasps. As a realists, we accept things as they are. We get why people dwell in their pain, but why is it so hard for people to move on. We both experience lost, but how is it possible for us to get right up after a while and move on?

I moved on from my break up after two days, why is that? I loved him for all my heart and everyone knows it, but I know for a fact that crying over someone is not worth it. It does not change the fact we did not work out due to a certain reason and crying is a waste of time. We need to fix ourselves, in order to solve our problems. And for that we need the time apart because I’m taking a different path from him and his paces are not in par with mine.

It’s the differences in paths and paces. For Baem and I, we choose a different path from our exes and we move forward because dwelling for long is a waste of time. We do not want to be missing out for the rest of the world. Plus, the decision has already been made. It was meant to happen and why bother to look back? I looked back once and things remain unchanged. We broke up again.

Sometimes, it is meant for us to take different paths from others.

Let’s talk about healing. They say only time would tell. One way or another, you’ll wake up one day feeling better than yesterday. It cannot be pressured, it cannot be questioned. That is what Baem and I agreed on.

No matter how absurd and unrealistic it is, against all our beliefs, we all have different paces. Some heal faster because as they are able to accept things, they are able to recover. While some move forward, but some have to go back and forth. That is their pace. Which ever suits them, as long as they heal, all is good. Because these paces are all influenced by many aspects such as trauma, fear and their struggles. So its okay to take a little longer as long as they reach to the same destination. It’s okay to hung up on your ex until you are ready to let them go.

So for those who are struggling, take your time to process, because what matters is to heal and as a good friend, we will be there for them throughout their journey. Even if we are not the one to accompany them, we share the same hope and prayers. Am I right, Baem?

P.S If you’re interested in my realist friend Baem Othman, he is such a good company, a good listener and a good cook too! Hit him up on his Instagram @baemothman and he might cook you salted egg chicken for your first date! *wink