Notes on “Chaos Core”
By: Kid Marscat
Tags: Film, Filmmaking, Diary, Cinema, Blog

However, with all the love for film I had rediscovered in my heart, I still felt unable to start my first film. I was nearing my 30th birthday and I had no plan of what to make. I felt that my first movie would have to be made before I was 31, or else I would be failing myself and the Great Will, so I had to start planning, thinking, trying to find something I could achieve with little resources and time.

By coincidence, I felt a strong urge to finish watching Twin Peaks. I had seen the first season when I was 16, from a DVD collection I had bought in Barrio Franklin at a ridiculously low price (thanks to my old friend Diego for being wise enough to point it out). I had fell in love with the show, which was unlike anything I had ever seen on TV. So it was time to go back to the old well, and in one week I watched the whole thing, including the movies and every featurette I could get my hands on.

Now, I need you to understand that I’ve never been much of a Lynch fan. I find Blue Velvet juvenile and silly. Wild at Heart I find near intolerable. I can’t even remember half of Dune. A lot of his shorts are more tedious than interesting. Films like Inland Empire and Fire Walk with Me took me many tries and lots of maturing to appreciate. So I wouldn’t wanna be described as a “fan,” more of a “respecter” or “appreciator”. Since watching Twin Peaks, however, I felt a strong urge to watch every film the man has made, because of another great question my husband asked me:

“If you were a filmmaker, who would you wish to be like?”

Would I want to make films like those of Lynch? Probably not. I’m not that enamored with 50s nostalgia, long droning takes, severe decay and rot, cinematic violence, and all those other particulars of the man’s vision.

However, I do envy the man’s ability to just make something, and inspire others to just make things. Lynch can just play around with some nonsense footage recorded with a cheap consumer camera; animate some floating heads or funny doodles; dress some people in silly outfits, throw in some dick and fart jokes, goofy music and silly non sequitur lines of dialogue; and he will consider the result equally as important as his most prestigious works. He seems absolutely unconcerned with whether people actually enjoy his works, for he himself enjoys the process and the result of making things, and allows people to judge them as they see it, on their terms — and isn’t that the only true love and mindset one can have for a craft? I wanna be like Lynch because I wanna feel that much freedom in art. So what was stopping me?

Simple: I wanna make important films, epic films. I’m extremely worried with matters such as pacing and scale, extreme aesthetics and grandiose visions[7]. But the kind of visually intense filmmaking I wish to make is hardly possible with little money… in live action. However, there was another way!

I love animation. Anime, American cartoons, European experimental animation, web shorts, everything — I’ve been a huge fan of it since I was a little child stuck to the TV. There’s a reason my Top 15 puts works like Ihatovo Fantasy: Kenji’s Spring and anime-inspired tokusatsu like Cutie Honey next to more prestige films like Passion of Joan of Arc and Eyes Wide Shut. Some of my early favorite movies and shows were animated: The Simpsons, Beauty and the Beast, Detective Conan, Animaniacs, Pokémon, Powerpuff Girls, Doraemon, Ghost Sweeper Mikami, and so many others, which I somehow had relegated to that early chapter of my life, when animation mattered a lot more to me. I decided to deep dive into the history of animation, to fall in love with it again, and watch every classic, modern, kooky and experimental film I was able to find. In particular, these 15 movies and shorts are my favorite animation works I’ve seen so far.

And it’s true that I’ve been making pixel art since I was 12, so I can draw for sure, I’ve proven that. And unlike with live action, I wouldn’t be depending on money or friends to achieve something, even if small by scope. Animation, however, it’s its own craft. I had no idea of the principles, the proper techniques nor the reasoning behind them, and the idea of learning another craft at age 30, after learning a dozen crafts already, wasn’t the most likely of plans, but, feeling that there was no other viable path for me, then animation would have to be the way.

[7] — When I told some of my friends I wanted to be more Michael Bay than Tarkovsky, they laughed at the notion and considered me quite justifiably delusional, but the heart wants what it wants…