Do I Really Need You?
By: Sherry Mcguinn
Tags: Followers, Rant, Society, Writers On Medium, Making It Happen

Yesterday, I was hit with a virtual brick to the head. And it knocked me for a loop.

First off, I was reeling from the news of all the “underground warehouse parties” that the cops have had to bust up, many of them in New York and Los Angeles, according to CNN. Skin-on-skin brawls attended by the truly ignorant among our population, who care only for themselves and their need to get trashed and then laid by strangers. Factor in this breathtaking example of how selfish we can be with those folks who refused to stay home over the holiday and you can bet this virus is going to hang on for dear life.

In other words, we are fucked.

I was also struck by another, equally-disarming need: The need for writers like myself, to amass followers. A lot of followers. Why? For validation? Partly, but the real reason is more basic than that. We need readers to hit that “follow” button so we can make some cash. Boom.

Now I know it’s not only we scribes who crave and depend upon followers, as we live in shallow times and the notion of having “depth” is a foreign concept to many but today, my focus is on people like you and me, people who write our hearts out, not just because we love it, but because we all have bills. And those bills need to be paid. And the more followers we gain, the more readers who profess to like us, the greater the likelihood that we won’t be left floundering at the end of the month.

I am as guilty of this pandering as anyone and I am starting to question what the hell it is I want my life to be. What am I trying to achieve? Who am I trying to impress?

For once, I’m not putting the focus on this platform but on News Break, the relatively new place on the block for us desperate-to-impress, to flock.

Perhaps that sounds a bit strong, but, even though I am happy to test the waters in the hope that my reliance on Medium will wane, something feels not quite…right.

I joined the Facebook group dedicated to the News Break writers and there was a “follow-for-follow” share thread, as we need to gain something like five hundred followers in our first month, to make some serious bread.

Please don’t quote me or take the above as gospel as I admit: I haven’t scoured the agreement like I probably should have. I gave it a look to make sure I wasn’t getting royally screwed and then jumped in, feet first. All systems go!

Note: I said “royally” as we writers are routinely screwed, so much so that we’ve come to expect that ole’ kick in the ass. But, much like with sex, there are different levels of screwing,

Dutifully, I followed as many profiles as I could. I mean, I have a life, guys, like everyone here and there's only so much sitting on our asses in front of a computer we can do.

Unless you’re one of the writers pulling down 10k a month and can afford to pay someone to wash your dirty laundry and sweep the dust bunnies out from under your bed.

But they’re not here reading this piece, because those folks never read nor follow me. They’re too busy cleaning up in a different way. And I have too much self-respect to follow them.

So back to the FB group. As I stated, I followed a shit ton of people who posted their News Break profiles, most of whom didn’t reciprocate. I was trying to be nice…helpful, you know? But, as of this writing, I have thirty-two followers. Pitiful.

Not only does this frustrate me, and yeah, piss me off, but it makes me sad. Sad that I even need these people. I don’t want people to jump on the follow bandwagon for the sole purpose of my returning the favor, I want my words to resonate. But that said, I’ll take the “shallow follow.” Especially if that means I can experience a decent payday for the first time in two years.

And I’m ashamed. Ashamed that I need something so…vapid and self-serving.

This is what I am happy about: The writers here who have become my friends. Who follow me because they enjoy my ramblings and who I follow in return, because I enjoy theirs. They do not factor into this story as this is not about them.