Having a Great Escort Experience
By: Elle Beau
Tags: Sex, Sexuality, Polyamory, Divine Feminine, Escorts

She’s not just a life-sized sex toy.

Photo by Emily Goodhart on Unsplash

You’ve flipped through the pages of Eros or some other website to select a beautiful woman to fuck, and you’ve found the woman for you — the one who has the right feel and presence to make all of your dreams come true. You’ve completed her screening process and made an appointment, but now what? How are you going to ensure that you have a wonderful time and that she’ll agree to see you again?

A wise man once said that the best sex is with someone that you love. I’ve had some pretty great sex with people I didn’t love, but I do concur with the idea that the more you are invested in each other and the more connectivity you have, the better it’s likely to be. Your first misstep with an escort is in thinking of her as a commodity that you’ve purchased. You might even get off in a spectacular fashion if you approach her in that way, but you still aren’t going to have your best experience.

I’ve been with enough escorts, talked with enough of them and read enough about them to know that this is a common mistake. The guy thinks he’s bought time with a living sex doll, whom he can pose and position into all the scenes that take place in his favorite porno, but when he interacts with her that way, all he’s going to get is transactional sex, which is going to be a bit sterile and ultimately unfulfilling. Porn is meant as a visual to get off to; it doesn’t mean that having actual sex that way is going to be really enjoyable or hot for anyone, including you.

As Ken Blackman points out in his article, Men Want Sex and Women Want Love, Not Exactly, “It’s not like the studies above are what led me to this conclusion; they’re just corroborating evidence for something I’ve seen and known for years: sex tends to be better when men are getting gratifying shared experience and women are getting their bodies well-handled.” You don’t have to be a tantric expert to do this however. All it takes is a little bit of thought and intention.

I’ve mentioned before in We’re Dating Escorts, my partner and I see escorts on a regular basis. We have a favorite, Tamara, whom we see most often and in turn we are her favorite clients. Here’s why:

We treat it like a real date, meaning we dress up and treat her like a guest in our home. We have what she likes to drink on hand and provide some tasty snacks as well.

We chat a little bit before retiring to the bedroom. Even though we’ve known her for a while and seen her many times, it’s good to make that energetic connection. She’s a person; not just a body and we acknowledge that.

We don’t have a lot of hang-ups or demands. We’re there to have fun and to make sure she has fun also. We don’t push her to do anything she doesn’t want to and in turn, we don’t have a lot of restrictions or jealousies. She can be at ease with us, just as we are with her. We love to see her receiving pleasure as well as giving it to us.

We genuinely like and respect her. Sure, she’s hot as all get out, but that isn’t the only thing that we enjoy about her. We see the larger picture, beyond the body, and beyond what she can do for us. She’s not there to service us; we are there to have a shared experience.

Svetlana Z says in her article about her experiences as a high end escort, “A great thing about doing couples: With a couple, you would go through the door and see a table covered with good wine, different types of cheese and fruits, like it’s a celebration of something. If it’s just a guy, you see a glass of water and an envelope on the shelf.

There were also more positive emotions — more emotions, period. With a guy, you feel like he wants to have it all, to make sure he’s getting his money’s worth. When it’s a girl, you can just relax and have your conversation. You can eat fruit.”

When you approach an escort in this way (where there’s room for wine and fruit, either literally or metaphorically), you have the opportunity to create an expansive experience, not just for you but for her as well. You are pushing the edges of traditional human connection and it can be a very positive thing when you embark upon it with that in mind. Where does it take you to go beyond traditional paradigms about sexual and intimate relationships? What gets opened up and made ripe for blossoming when you are vulnerable in this way, even if it’s just for one night with someone whom you’ve paid to be there?

We see Tamara, not just because she’s fun to fuck and it adds a new element to our relationship, but because when we are with her, we are all expanding our horizons. We see who she really is and we adore that person. We love her sass and authenticity. We love how she owns her sexuality and isn’t the least bit ashamed of who she is. There’s a lot of historical precedent for what is often incorrectly referred to as “sacred prostitution.” Many early religions had provisions for interfacing with the Goddess or the divine feminine through physical communion with her priestesses.

Maybe not every encounter with an escort is going to be a primal entanglement with a love goddess, but when you approach her with more of that in mind, it’s more likely to occur. If you select the right woman and treat her accordingly, she just might be the priestess who guides you on a sacred adventure into sexual communion with the Universe. And who wouldn’t rather have that than just time spent with a large-as-life sex toy?