Kabir’s Birth Story.
By: Saman Quraishi
Tags: Surrender, Gratitude, Midwife, Patience, Baby

Patience. Gratitude. Surrender.

31-05-2020

This day last year we wished for you in our

prayer. And here we are.

We are expecting our second child

It's different this time around.

I feel more confident.

I've read, researched, experienced.

But the world has changed.

Plan-demic.

Amma abba are away.

I crave to be with family.

29-06-2020

We move to Rajasthan with my in-laws.

Ma Baba pamper me to the fullest.

Kaira is loved to the core.

Maybe Kabir is going to be born here.

Fate had other plans. As usual.

31-07-2020

Back in Delhi.

Something called us back.

'Karan was born to serve. He is where he’s

needed the most' - told his mother.

We spend time with extended family.

I miss my parents. The house feels

incomplete without them.

Covid is a sham. We say it sham-elessly.

Very few takers. Time will tell.

Lockdown is unethical.

We refuse to wear the mask.

Rules become stricter. Fines higher. Delhi

suffocates.

Feel the need to be some place else.

Birthvillage (cochin) was a natural choice.

But Kerela is harsh with covid restrictions.

Time to find a new abode.

It’s Goa. Randomly. Intuitively.

Search for midwife.

Corrina Stahlhofen.

Apparently the oldest licensed midwife in

India and the very best.

07-11-2020

We arrive in Goa.

A beautiful room close to the beach.

3 dogs (Henry, Tweety, Coco) and 3 cats

(Puma, Frida, ChinChin) in the compound.

Good move at the right time.

Second trimester almost coming to an end.

Fresh air. Green all around.

People take notice of Kaira wherever we

go.

Beam a smile.

She smiles back.

We all wave at each other.

Community feel.

Lots of sea food.

Sunsets at the beach almost always.

Nariyal pani.

21-11-2020

I join a belly dance workshop at the birthing center. Something I always wanted to learn as I knew the dance form originated in Egypt as a practice to prepare the womb for birth. A skill taught by mothers to daughters. It was so uplifting, almost magical. Here’s what I experienced:

https://link.medium.com/ntgVxzXUmdb

29–11–2020

Kaira turns two.

I write a letter to her about how it has been seeing her grow into this beautiful soul and how I have grown into a better version of myself through her presence in my life. I also share my shortcomings and apprehensions and what gives me strength and hope in these dark times. Below is the link to that letter:

https://link.medium.com/HsXBzxyWMbb

We spend the day at Querim Beach. It is serene beyond words. Do check out the time lapse below!

https://youtu.be/htLSboNCzW4

December 2020

We meet our midwife.

I join pre natal yoga classes with Tonia at the Birth center.

Even though I’m becoming bigger I enjoy the rides on the bike.

Love the use of bold colours on houses everywhere. And the green that surrounds us.

Nazaare. MashAllah.

Abundant sunshine.

Made up for months of lost vitamin D.

The ocean looks different every day.

Morjim beach is nice, clean, empty, gradual - child friendly.

Morning breakfast is usually south indian at Udupi

On Diwali I met an old friend from College. Made rangoli.

Dressed up for a few minutes.

Christmas 2020

Kairas first in a way.

One that she would remember.

Coco the dog is our own reindeer.

She’s never been to a church.

I’d love her to see one.

All closed due to the plan-demic.

This used to be the most happening time in

Goa.

But it’s quiet this year.

Some shacks have been put up at the beach

though.

And finally we see some faces.

New Year 2020

Barbeque.

Fireworks at the beach

Spend it with a family that was visiting

from Bangalore.

People I met only for three days.

Who filled the void when major missing

was happening.

It’s days like these when you really want to

be together with your loved ones.

And when you reflect on the past.

And look towards a new beginning.

It was beautiful.

I’m full of gratitude.

January 2021

Frequent visits to the birth center for

yoga.

and classical singing and belly dancing.

I really enjoy these sessions.

The breathing exercises especially.

I feel more grounded to mother earth.

Like an expansion.

There are certain kriyas called keep ups in

yoga which are small repetitive movements

that you find challenging and

overwhelming. I would stop multiple times

during the keep ups. But once in one of my

last yoga sessions I nailed it - found my

happy place.

Perception of pain changes.

This is what my instructor was saying

during the kriya as I let the pain become a

mental construct rather than a physical

sensation and was able to transcend it-

“Things are not affecting or bothering you

at all so you’re letting it go"

“Fall off the top of your hands and palms

and off your fingers"

“Drip drying yourself of any negativity, fear,

doubt, worry"

“Deepen your breath.”

“Remember your intention.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to"

“Go deeper into your contractions,

sensations which are getting very strong,

just like the sensations in your arms, move

towards it not away from it"

“Every contraction gets your baby closer to

your arms, welcome it"

“Deepen your breath and find your happy

place"

"You’re surrounded by women who’ve

birthed before you, they’re lifting your

arms up, you’re so supported"

“Go beyond the sensations training your

body for contractions"

“Give yourself this gift.”

As for the singing, never thought it would

transform me the way it did.

During Kaira’s birth I remember not

making a sound during the 25 hour long

labour.

Conditioned to keep quiet.

But birthing is like making love. The

creative expression of creation of life itself

makes alot of energy inside you

which

needs an outlet.

We hear women scream (and there’s

nothing wrong with it per say) because

they are probably not aware that you

could also breath or sing it out with every

contraction.

It helped me unleash so much suppressed

energy.

February 2021

They say second time is easier.

I agree.

Every pregnancy and birth and child is

different.

What makes it easy-er is the familiarity of

going down that road once before.

You are naive at first.

Knowledge and experience empowers you.

The trick is not to let the things that didn’t

work out the first time bog you down.

Amma Abba book their tickets.

Melbourne-Dubai-Mumbai-Goa.

I’m excited.

They will be here in four days.

Dubai has an 'outbreak’.

Their flight gets cancelled on the day of departure.

I cry.

Allah must have better plans for all of us.

My Aunt offers to fly down from Delhi to help me.

It’s a good change for all of us.

Kaira loves being around nani.

I enjoy food cooked at home with love.

Phuppijaan is glad to be of help.

Glad also to be out of the toxicity of Delhi.

And to finally be without a mask.

We all enjoy our walks to the beach.

The sunsets are inviting. Rejuvenating.

Now we just wait.

21-02-2021

The so called due date.

I’ve been getting Braxton Hicks for a while

now.

They said second babies come sooner.

Not this one.

My midwife says she can visualise a baby

almost instantly as soon as she places her

hands on the belly - "but this baby has been

confusing me from the start."

"How many legs do you have?!" Baby

kicking everywhere.

"I think the baby is breech."

"Breech is normal."

"Every birth could be complicated."

"I have even turned a whole baby around

right before birth. But your baby is telling

me not to do anything. So we wait."

41 weeks complete.

Baby still appears to be breech.

We have to have a back up doctor in case of

an emergency

The doctor feels I should get admitted.

The vitals are all good.

It’s an uncomfortable wait.

Some anxiety starts building up.

It’s been a smooth journey so far with God’s grace.

And now is the time to reflect.

Preeti apa tells me the story of a midwife

who delivered hundreds of babies but

when it was time to deliver her own she

ended up having a c section.



Apa herself was determined to have a

natural birth. She took a long walk to the

ultrasound at the last minute which

worked to get her labour started and the

baby engaged. And then someone

deliberately breaks her water. At the last

minute someone intervenes.

But it is how it is.

"You have just one task" she tells me. "Be

happy."

She arranges for a call with Nutan Pandit.

We schedule a video call.

She explains EFT - Emotional Freedom

Technique.

She asks me what made me anxious.

I tell her, in the following order:

1. I don’t want unnecessary medical

interventions in my birth.

2. I lack faith in the medical system.

3. I fear that when it’s time my body may

not be able to stretch enough (as I had an

episiotomy when kaira was born)

“Even though… … I wholly and completely accept and love myself.”

We did some accupressure points together. Karan helped with pressing my toenail. I felt the baby move almost instantly.

She briefed me about relaxin hormones and how they work.

Her advice: be in the heart, not the head.

A centepede when asked how he walks with hundred legs freezes and forgets how to walk. We inherently know what to do if only we let nature guide us. Follow your intuition.

The full moon and a full-er belly would

often get me hormonal.

At one point I gave in. I felt I was not good

enough. As tears rolled out my phuppijaan

had a few things to say-

when a woman is carrying a baby the

whole universe should come together to

support her. When you don’t have enough

people supporting you, it’s not your fault.

She told me how she had not stepped out

of the house in almost a year since the

lockdown. But Allah gave her the

hidayat(wisdom) and himmat(strength) to

come here,"this is my shramdaan (service)”

Last but not the least - “women and a

mother especially are too critical of

themselves. Dont be too harsh on yourself.

We are here to lend a hand, take it.”

When you are on your journey of becoming

a mother, you miss your own mother. I

hadn’t seen mine in a year. But the concept

of 'non locality' of quantum physics kept

me sorted. I knew we were together in

every other realm than the physical one. I

could hear her whisper as she prayed for

me. And I continued to draw strength from

her presence in my life.

My other mother (in law) when I told her

we might have to need a c-section said only

one thing - what matters is that you and

baby are healthy. Everything else is

regardless. Don’t let anything cross your

mind.

A mother is always praying for her child.

My cousin from South Africa, Rani Baji

asked me to recite the following:

"ya muqalib ul quloob"= Turner of hearts

and pray Allah turns the baby around.

It is a dua to turn hearts towards Deen. But

you can ask Allah anything permissible.

And I chanted.



Karan seemed relaxed. Most of the times at

atleast.

He stood firm when I felt weak.

He said " this baby has witnessed alot

(albeit in the belly) - the stress of the

lockdown, amma Abbas absence, the

uncertainty of life, but now it deserves our

complete attention. No need to perform for

anyone. Just be in the here and now."

And then I spoke to Reba.

I said : pregnancy was so smooth. I’ve come this far. What if I need a surgery.

She said: nothing wrong per say

of a surgery. It’s overuse, misuse and abuse is problematic.

I say: I’m in a state of surrender.

She said: its different to understand or

speak of surrender. It’s quite another to

actually do.

I say: I don’t know what this baby wants?!

She said: perbaps the baby wants you to

delve deeper into yourself and see how his

mama responds under pressure.

And then she adds.

"Theres no good or bad story. There’s just a

story. This baby’s story of how he chooses

to come to this world."

And with that I saw my anxieties dissipate.

I was now ready.

On the day the doctor wanted me to get

admitted I told my midwife I could go meet

the doctor but I would like to try a normal

delivery at the centre even if the baby was

breech.

Corrina was not so sure. The plan-demic

times were strange. And we didn’t want to

get stuck in an emergency without

appropriate help at hand.

Felt like too much of a risk. But I insisted.

She hesitated.

I told her incase of an emergency I will be

open and willing to get a cesarian section

and that the surgery will not affect my

vitality or make me less whole. We all tried

but the baby may make a different choice

and I will accept it whole heartedly.

She seemed convinced.



We went to see the doctor.

And even though I had not got any

ultrasound done in the entirety of my

pregnancy I was willing to undergo one to

see the position of the baby and the

placenta at this point. I had to put in trust

in the medical system.

And the doctor murmured to corrina "I

have some good news for you. The baby is

heads down"

Corinna’s jaw dropped.

I was relieved and happy.

Doctor added - the baby must arrive in the

next two days as the fluids will start

depleting thereafter.

And so we agreed to 'intervene' before the baby changed position again

Castor oil. Three doses. Mixed with mango

juice. And voila.



At 11 pm the contractions were already

very strong

But I felt it would be nice if we all took a

nap and rested as we had a long night

ahead.

Bags were ready.

I woke everyone up at 3 am.

Called the driver.

Took me a while to reach the cab. One

contraction at a time.

We reached the birthing centre around

4 am.

I got into the pool.

And the trance began.

I was humming as I breathed out my

contractions.

No conversations.

Anutaara my doula was there.

I held her hand firmly.

Corrina was checking fetal heart

beat once in a while.

Karan was right behind me, in his own

trance. He had learnt Tai chi recently and was meditating. We were both prepared for this moment. It’s like we had practiced it several times in our head before. And when the moment actually came, we were completely in sync. This was different than last time.

Kaira was with my aunt downstairs

Three hours down I was almost there.

But I wasn’t talking.

Corrina suggested I go to the toilet. She

somehow intuitively felt that would get

things moving.

I didn’t feel the need to but I did.

And as I sat on the commode, I felt the

head come down instantly.

I asked to be returned to the pool.

Corrina asked me to finish the contraction

but I hurried.

And almost as soon as I entered the pool I

went on all fours and hugged Anutaara and

pushed and whoosh the head came out!

And with the next push the baby was out.

Not in the air. Not inside water. But came

out floating and Corrina was just there in

time to catch it.



In all of the three hours of labour it was

only these couple of minutes when karan

wasn’t around. He was with kaira and

when they came upstairs they saw me in

my transition from the toilet to the pool

where I was loud as I was pushing the baby

out and Kaira couldn’t see me in pain and

started crying so karan took her out. And

just then Kabir decided to arrive. I held

him firmly in my arms, brought him close

to my chest and greeted him. I then

immediately asked for kaira and karan who

reached moments later, followed by my

aunt. I was upset because I had imagined

my husband and daughter by my side when

the baby arrived. Karan was happy because

instead of the one giving the news to

everyone he became a recipient of the

surprise.

I delivered the placenta shortly after and we decided to keep the cord intact. Kabir was a lotus baby, just like kaira. Corrina and the rest of them then weighed the baby, took his stats and then prepared the

placenta for storing (rock salt, neem

powder, tulsi powder, haldi and essential

oils - rosemary and lavender). I fed the

baby, had some idli for breakfast and in a

couple of hours left for home. There was a

minor tear that we decided to heal

naturally.

Corrina is a trained midwife from Germany

settled in Goa for the last two decades.

She has facilitated the birth of more than

800 children.

Her centre was one of the spaces which

inspired Priyanka Idicula to start the

Birthvillage in Cochin (where Kaira was

born). Here’s a link to her birth story:

https://www.facebook.com/birthvillage/posts/2192135280866570/

Corrina later told me that this was her first

lotus birth. Also she had seen babies being

born everywhere - on the bed, around the

bed, in the toilet, in the shower, in the pool

but this was the first that came floating on

water. This also happened to be the very

first time when she didn’t have to use her

birthing tool kit at all - so this is as natural

as it can get! We did come full circle.



Later that evening at home Anutaara came

to check on me. She’s a shaman. She had a

vision and she saw light coming out of my

belly. She told me she heard a voice tell her

that this baby has come for a higher

purpose. She asked me to speak to the baby

and remind him of this purpose and said he

will remember it and would be guided by

it. As she held Kabir in her hands, he

smiled and cooed. As if he could

understand everything. She remarked

"now don’t start talking already!"

I remember hugging anu tight as I was

pushing out Kabir. She told me how

beautiful the birth was and even though

she too witnessed a lotus birth for the first

time it felt so natural as if she knew it from

some past life that this is how it was

supposed to be done.

Corrina added that Kabir had his eyes

wide open and he looked around and gave a small cry even before the rest of the body

came out.

As my fourth trimester completes in three

days I just want to mention that he’s a calm

and happy baby with God’s grace.

He makes an eye contact and smiles and

communicates. He could balance his neck

from the get go and can almost crawl and

turn around already at less than three

months Mashallah. He watches intently as I

feed his sister waiting for his turn. But

more on this later.

The world has changed enormously in this

last one year and life will be very different

from here on. While we have refused to

give in to the tyranny of the big pharma

and chosen to keep both our children

completely unvaccinated, most around us

have accepted the so called new normal

without questioning it. This birthday I have

another wish to make. I hope we continue

to be guided by our inner voice. I pray we

continue to trust our innate potential to

grow as human beings with unconditional

love. I hope freedom triumphs over fear. I

pray people don’t look at death as the end

but a transition from one realm to the

other just as a baby is born. I have lost so

many people on this path because of my

differing views - it’s a lonely road but I’m

determined to walk it as that is the voice of

my conscience and I want to be authentic

as a human being. That’s all I have to pass

on to my children. But when I look at my

children who may or may not meet those

they share lineage with - they will be one

with unity consciousness that encompasses

all. I hope we find a community of like

minded people who accept and cherish the

differences we have and take them as an

opportunity to grow richer in our

experiences. It takes a village to raise a

child. And I know inherently that Kaira and

Kabir may have chosen us as their parents,

but they don’t belong to us. They belong to

the commune. I pray to Allah that they

discover their purpose sooner than later

and serve humanity with all of their heart.

When you look back you can connect the

dots. Just a week before Kabir was born I

had an urge to paint the empty canvases

that had been lying by my bedside for a few

months. The two words - sabr (patience)

and shukr (gratitude) is what I painted.

And that was precisely what this journey was all about.