To Change the World, Compliment People
By: Nima Sakhtemani
Tags: Positive Thinking, Relationships, Happiness, Daily Interactions, Positive Mindset

A Powerful Gift

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You might feel your favorite individual deserves to receive a gift because she is brighter than life. It is true, she is precious, but what makes her precious is not material values. No matter how expensive your gift is, you won’t be able to replicate gifting her your deep inner feelings for her.

After all, in her mind, she will remember your kindness and a deep belief in appreciating her. It is nice to be appreciated. Don’t make the mistake of thinking an expensive gift is more significant in value than an emotional one. If your partner cares for you, she won’t be sad about your inexpensive act of love.

Appreciating Peoples’ Values

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Back in 2019, I used to work as a designer in an advertising agency. I was asked to analyze our competitors. Till that day, I thought since I am an “expert” in my job, I have a more important say — I was selfish and ignorant of others, not realizing their values.

It was the job and reading about it that gave me the insight of appreciating my colleagues’ values in their careers. I realized, even though I have years of experience, two minds always are better than one.

I started to listen, realized how useful they can be, and sometimes their feedback was just what I wished I knew. I learned that recognizing the value is only half of what one should do; the other half reflects your appreciation.

I made a choice, that choice was reflecting other peoples’ values by telling them, really telling them that they are an integral part of my understanding of a problem.

One method that shows you appreciate other peoples’ values is to mirror what they say and learn to truly listen.

Strengthening Your Relationship

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The key to an excellent mutual understanding is Empathy. There is a lot of definition for what it is, and we often make the mistake of confusing it with sympathy.

Empathy is:

“ Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. “ — from very well mind

Sympathy is:

“ Understanding and care for someone else’s suffering” — from Cambridge dictionary

Here is an example of being empathetic:

John fails his driving test. As John’s friend, he tells you in a quite sorrowful voice that he is upset for not being smart You don’t immediately tell him he is wrong. Instead, what you do is to listen. You listen carefully and then try putting yourself in his shoes… looking at life through his eyes and see how life has been treating him (maybe he has to get the driver’s license so that he could get his mother to chemotherapy) You consider his pain-points, what he deals with in his life. Then you begin to feel where his reasonings comes from. He might tell you he is not smart, but deep down, you understand that life hasn’t given him a chance to show how smart he is. And from there, you will get another perspective on the situation and his problem. Then, you give him confidence, bringing out positive aspects of his life, making him feel proud for being who he is, and reassuring him of notable future endeavors. You don’t necessarily offer solutions; instead, you try being his emotional support when there is a need for one.

Empathy and Complements

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I realized that being a good listener and an empathetic person is a foundation for understanding life through someone else’s eyes.

Creating a positive effect on them and creating a special moment that will give them immense energy to be their better selves. You must learn to complement them.

Here is the kicker, though: a genuine compliment is difficult to express.

Often times, people can see if you are complimenting them just for the sake of sounding nice.

Remember, it is not about you. It is about them… their feelings… their experiences.

Few tips about giving great compliments:

Make sure they are authentic and genuine.

There are values in your life that are incredibly dear to you. make sure to find a connection between them and what you like about that person

Understand why you appreciate the quality of that person

Find out why certain specific characteristics from that person connect with you and how you can use them to correlate your experiences with them.

Be specific, detailed, and avoid general short sentences.

Giving general short sentences like “You look good” or “You make my day beautiful” doesn’t necessarily sound authentic. Instead, say: “Your choice in picking up a dress is astonishing; it shows how good of a taste you have in picking up creative colors” or “Every day I come to work, I see your positive energy, and I instantly become more passionate about my job. You make it enjoyable for me, thank you.”

Adjectives make your sentence sound more genuine.

This one is simple, try to add adjectives to your sentences to make them sound more meaningful. Instead of “I like your cooking,” I say, “Every time you bake, I observe the luscious and tasty cakes, realizing how talented you truly are.”