Dystopian Diamonds
By: Spike Dolomite
Tags: Republicans, Corey Lewandowski, Trump, Income Inequality, Donald Trump

Digging for diamonds. Check please!

Republicans are calling the impeachment inquiry led by the Democrats a coup and they want to investigate the investigators. Deep state of the union address: “Fake news! Witch hunt! Check please!”

“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them” ― George Orwell, 1984

Rob Porter and Rick Dearborn were called to testify before Congress but the White House kept them from showing up because diamonds aren’t traded publicly. Corey Lewandowski, Trump’s former campaign chair, showed up and did a pretty good job of obstructing justice on a hearing that was about obstructing justice. He was helped along by the Republicans on the committee. He refused to answer any questions, taunted the committee, pimped his book, and made a total ass out of himself. Look at my diamonds! I’ve got diamonds and you don’t! You’re never, ever gonna get my diamonds. The cocky ass punk thought he outsmarted them all but then he was backed into a corner and forced to admit that he lied. He was duped into admitting that Trump asked him to help curtail the Mueller inquiry. When asked if Trump promised him a pardon if he didn’t show his diamonds, he wouldn’t answer.

Trump quietly flew into Beverly Hills to pander to MAGAs with diamonds. LA County had just approved kicking its homeless from the curb into the sewers and out of sight so the Beverly Hills MAGAs were rejoicing. MAGAs with diamonds and MAGAs who want diamonds are sick of looking at the homeless camped out on THEIR streets and have demanded that they be cited and ticketed and passed off somewhere else. Where? Who cares?!!!

America has a diamonds problem and people living on the street are getting blamed for it.

If you don’t have diamonds that’s your own damn fault and if you don’t want any diamonds there is something wrong with you.

While standing outside of Air Farce One, Trump said, “The homeless are living in our best highways, our best streets, our best entrances to buildings. People in those buildings pay tremendous taxes where they went to those locations because of the prestige. I have been talking to foreign people, foreign tenants in California who want to leave the country because of the homeless problem.” Foreigners with diamonds are OK. All other foreigners want to steal your diamonds. Trump should move the homeless to the border so the foreigners won’t want to come here.

Trump has to be very discrete when he flies into Beverly Hills to beg for money because if people found out he was coming to town they’d take to the best highways, best streets, and best entrances to buildings to protest that punk ass bitch. They’d throw fake diamonds at him. Cubic zirconium is a LA girl’s best friend.

Beverly Hills Republicans spit diamonds (discretely so everybody else won’t spit actual saliva back in their faces.)

Trump is stripping California’s right to set its own vehicle emission standards. He’s going to decide how breathable California’s air is. Fuck climate change. Think of the diamonds!

Meanwhile, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is on his way to Saudi Arabia to discuss diamonds and oil with the Crown Prince.

“Today the US is at a point where the president is threatening war, threatening to put American lives, blood, and treasure on the line for the guy who hacked Jamal Khashoggi to death — for a regime that spends lots of money at his hotels.” Chris Hayes

What do you call a young Republican who goes to parties in prep school and shoves his dick into virgin girls’ faces? A diamond in the rough.

“A woman with three kids didn’t walk from Guatemala to break into your double-wide and steal the only thing you have, empty beer cans. She didn’t come up here to sell you meth, that’s your cousin’s job. She isn’t stealing your non-existent job. She came up here to survive.” Red T Raccoon

Hush little MAGA don’t say a word, Trump is gonna sell you a mocking turd, and if that mocking turd don’t cha-ching, Trump is gonna sell you a diamond ring.

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