Scratched Lenses and Skewed Lines
By: Ylia Macazo
Tags: Gen Z, Brainfart, Perception, Social Media, Gen Z Tingz

Photo by Olena Sergienko on Unsplash.

For the past few days, I have been being visited by a couple of intrusive thoughts. They were not as bad as they normally would be, but these thoughts were still horrible on an objective scale.

Today I came across a tweet of someone whose behavior I am not so much a fan of. To say that I hate her, though, would be an overestimation of what only is a grand dislike for her.

I genuinely think she deserves to be happy. I mean if that’s what’s going to make her shut up on social media, then I really hope she learns what happiness is.

And you know, she’s kind of been heading in that direction lately! One of her tweets implies something of financial abundance, consequently after actively nurturing her dating life. Right now, I’m happy for her and I genuinely hope she keeps this man this time around. She hit two birds with one stone, after all.

Earlier, though, right after having read the tweet, the first thing that came into my mind was something along the lines of “Why does she get everything she wants when she clearly doesn’t deserve it?”

It’s scary, having realized that this whisper came from my own head. It’s far worse when I realized that this was actually how I looked at other people just a little over a year ago, especially people that I don’t take a strong liking to.

Two years ago it would have never occurred to me to analyze my behavior, as I used to think that there was nothing wrong with thinking that about some people. I genuinely thought that me having lived a life of not getting anything I wanted, not even once in my entire life, entitled me to look at other people this way.

(I’d like to take this chance to say that that’s no longer true. I now have a lot of things that I only used to want, and because I worked my ass off for these things. Tangible and non-tangible things.)

Whenever anyone, who had a little more money than I did, decided to talk about how hard it was to get through the week, I’d roll my eyes so hard that I could see my brain. Sure, it must be so hard to be alone in a condo unit, that ensured you wouldn’t have to take four hours out of your day to travel to and from school, and that you wouldn’t be distracted as you study.

Whenever anyone, who was objectively more beautiful than me, talked about how hard it was to start dating, I’d scoff so hard I could be compared to a suddenly-running jeep. Sure, it must be so hard to get men who actually already want you in the first place to… I don’t know, want you.

All these thoughts were products of me not seeing the world for what it actually was and is. So much more goes on behind the complexities of a human being, and so other people’s essences and full potentials were not supposed to be evaluated solely based on the trauma I have accumulated throughout my life.

It’s not anyone’s fault that they’re richer than me, or that they’re prettier than me. But it’s not my fault that I’ve been dealt bad cards, neither.

I don’t want this to end on a note that resembles that of “Your trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility” because that’s not the point of all this. In fact, I think that that particular statement lies slightly on the spectrum of gaslighting.

I’m resorting to writing all of this because another thing I realized, after setting my own thought(s) straight, was that I only ever thought it was okay to think of people in that light, simply because I have never actually known anyone on a deeper level.

Let yourself know people, and let yourself be known. There is absolutely no need to act like the one girl that everyone likes. Take it from me — that fake behavior can be sniffed from a mile away, and it definitely didn’t make people like me.

Trust that I know what I’m saying because I’ve done it for two years straight. I almost went on to three, honestly; I’m just glad I nipped it in the bud.

In fact, the funny thing here, which I never expected to work in my favor, was that the more I acted how I really felt like acting, the better the quality of my friendships became.

In learning to actively choose my friends and learning to maintain these friendships, I have learned that the worlds our friends live in are far more vast and complex than our perceptions tell us that they are. It is literally never as simple as we think it is.

In learning this, I realized that the same can be said for other people that I’m not closer with. The same can be said for acquaintances, and even more so for these groups of people. If my friends have worlds that create polarities with mine, then what the hell would I know of the lives of people I barely talk to?

Life is so much greater than our prejudices, so there is no reason to be limited by these. Acknowledging these differences, and encountering personal growth along the way, seems to be a good reminder of the fact that none of us live the same lives.

Sure, you might have the perfect Instagram feed. I also may just be looking at your feed through scratched lenses and skewed screen lines. However, none of these things discount the actual beauty of your life, and your lived experiences, which none of us will ever get a firsthand feel of.

That’s the best part about it. You don’t ever have to give two flying fucks about whatever I, or anyone else, will think of you.

So go on, post that picture you think you look hot in. In fact, I’m about to convince myself that it’s okay for me to do the same. It always has been.