I Have Been Downsized
By: S. J. Gordon
Tags: Self-awareness, Self, Parenting, Life Lessons, Life

I’ve had the same job for nearly nineteen years. Though there has never been any opportunity for advancement or pay increase, I knew that when I took the position. It has been a good job.

Now, however, the job has changed and my position has changed, as well. It’s been downsized and, while this hasn’t come as a surprise, it is still an adjustment.

The Backstory

You see, for the past nearly nineteen years, I’ve been a Stay-At-Home-Mom. This is one of those positions that is seen by some as a glorious luxury and by others as an absolute nightmare.

Personally, I don’t like to label it. This just happens to be the way I chose to take on raising my son. I do feel fortunate that my husband and I agreed, and that we were able to make it work for us. It seemed the best route for our family.

Your mileage may vary.

At any rate, Stay-At-Home-Mom has been my official job title for quite a long time now. There have been years of exercise classes, play groups, basketball leagues, year-round swim lessons, summer swim teams, tennis lessons and teams, chess lessons and teams, and on and on.

My duties were not limited to actions related to rearing my son. I also took on tasks associated with the well-being of his school and our church. In other words, I volunteered. A lot.

I served as a homeroom parent, sat on a district advisory committee related to Title I programs, sat on the Continuing Improvement Team for a public elementary school, served four years on a School Advisory Board for a private elementary school (which included three years as an officer), helped establish a parent-based development committee for that same school, and volunteered in a handful of roles at our church.

The position must evolve.

My duties have changed as my son has grown. Play groups are long gone and elementary school parent committees are, likewise, relegated to the past. Other parents have stepped into those roles, which is exactly as it should be.

The biggest change, however, took place over this past weekend.

We moved our son into his dorm at his new university.

In another city.

Two hours away from home.

The object of my nearly-two-decade job is trying out some independence. Exactly as it should be.

However, this means some fairly significant changes in my role.

Opportunities abound.

Of course, I am a mother forever. That’s the way this works. There will never be a time when my role as parent will ever entirely disappear.

The way in which I am a mother is what changes.

Just as I don’t serve up pureed peas or change diapers anymore, I won’t be supervising homework any longer. I won’t be setting out the weekly list of chores (well, maybe during summer break).

What I will do, however, is try out some entirely new duties.

Perhaps writing will take a much bigger role in my day to day life than it has previously. Maybe my volunteer hours will shift to a native bird rescue organization. I might try a return to teaching as a volunteer at the local zoo.

It’s even possible that I will try an entirely new career that I have yet to consider.

The options are so numerous and it’s tempting to try them all. The biggest challenge will be to keep from running wildly from one new activity to another.

So, now what?

With all these choices before me, how in the world will I decide what I’ll do next?

I think I’ve decided not to decide. At least, not yet. Maybe, not ever.

There isn’t any particular reason to commit to any single thing right now. I know I would like to give my writing some serious attention to see what will happen. That seems a reasonable place to begin.

From there, I may branch out into some other things. Before a nasty car accident a couple of years ago, I had taken up archery and was just beginning to be serious about it. It might be time to take that up again.

I admit, it would be pretty great to go back to earning a paycheck. Writing gets the chance to do that, first. However, there are other ways of achieving this particular goal and I’m not going to ignore opportunities that may present themselves.

There won’t be regret.

I won’t lie. I’m going to miss my son enormously. I’m going to talk and write about him often. I’m going to spend a lot of energy wondering if he is eating well and getting enough sleep and getting to his classes and his job on time.

After all, as I said before, I’m still his mother and I always will be.

I find, however, that I’m not as unhappy over my change in position as I expected to be. Instead, there is a feeling of accomplishment. We sent a young man to college who was ready to be there, ready to take on the new responsibilities, and ready to find his own place in the world.

I’m looking forward to taking some of my energies no longer required for the role of Mom and diverting them to whatever new thing captures my interest.

I never regretted my choice to stay at home to be a mother. It was what worked for me and my family. It was a good decision. It has led me to this new place, rich with new opportunities.

I’ve been downsized, but I really can’t be unhappy about it.

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