Needing Sleep Does Not Make You a Bad Mom
By: Emily Lau
Tags: Toddlers, Baby Sleep, Babies And Young Children, Motherhood, Parenting

Needing Sleep Does Not Make You a Bad Mom

It’s time to stop bashing tired moms and start supporting them instead Emily Lau Feb 14·4 min read

Do you know what drives me crazy? Seeing moms shame other moms for wanting a good night’s sleep. We’ve all heard it at one point or another — “sleep training teaches your baby not to communicate their needs” or “you can’t just choose not to be a parent overnight.” Phrases like these make me want to scream. OF COURSE, you can’t stop being a parent overnight. Helping your child learn to fall asleep independently is by no means choosing not to parent. I am a HUGE believer in the importance of independent sleep, yet sometimes when these moms get going, I find myself feeling insecure about the choices I’ve made. But only for a moment because I KNOW that what I’m doing is the absolute best choice for myself, for my daughter, and my family as a whole. But what really gets to me is that if these judgmental moms can shake ME — a woman who has dedicated her career to helping families get the sleep they need — then how much more are they shaking the mothers who are new at this? The ones who haven’t been studying sleep and early childhood for years. The ones who are exhausted and overwhelmed. The ones who are terrified of making a mistake. Motherhood is hard enough without being told that you are a bad mom for needing sleep.

Here’s the thing — if these moms LIKE co-sleeping, if they ENJOY nursing all hours of the night, if they THRIVE on broken sleep, then good for them! Really. I’m not here to tell them that what they are doing is wrong. If those things work for their families, then that’s great. But when they start telling other moms that everyone should do what they do, I urge them to back off and let each mom choose what is best for herself and her child. Because they don’t know, they don’t know what is best for your family, and they certainly don’t know what’s best for my family.

If you have newborn, silent nights are likely a distant dream for you. Your baby needs to be fed overnight, and that’s normal and healthy. I know it’s not easy. I know you’re exhausted. But hang in there, Mama, you can do this. And this will pass. This does not have to be your story for the long haul. Your baby will grow, and her needs will change. Soon she’ll be able to go much longer between feeds. Sometime between four and six months of age, she will likely be able to go all night long without a feeding. She’ll be able to sleep ten or more hours overnight without your help. But she most likely won’t get there on her own. She’ll need you to teach and guide her.

If you have a healthy child who is over 6 months old, I can confidently tell you that silent nights ARE an achievable goal. Your child CAN sleep through the night. You are NOT a bad mom for wanting her to. Little ones benefit from great sleep even more than their parents do. The process of helping a child become a great sleeper can look many different ways. Some parents prefer to rip off the band-aid while others prefer to use very gentle methods to stay in the room with their child the whole time. Many families choose a method somewhere in the middle to support their child while setting firm boundaries for them lovingly.

But no matter what method you choose, you can rest assured that you are not harming your child. Multiple studies have shown that there are no long-term risks of sleep training, and some have actually shown that there is an IMPROVEMENT in the security of the bond between the parent and child after sleep training. I have certainly seen this to be true in my own family.

If you are ready for a great night’s sleep, I encourage you to start working toward this goal today. Make a plan that you can stick with. Reach out to a professional if you’re unsure where to start or if you’d like support during the process. Many outstanding professionals are on a mission to help little ones and their families get the sleep they need.