Living and Dying in Las Tablas, Panama
By: Fred Ermlich
Tags: Death And Dying, The Bad Influence, Traumatic Brain Injury, Panama, Fred Ermlich

It takes a certain mindset for an American (U.S.) to live in a Latin country like Panama. A willingness to learn a language is pretty important. Willingness to live in a non-extractive society is critical. And a willingness to have no idea of what the deal is, or what’s going on around you, is critical too.

Here’s a tiny example of how different it can be, and I know the differences — I grew up in Santa Barbara and lived much of my life in Portland. The example: they have hot and cold running water here. It’s very convenient because it’s everywhere. In the shower, in the kitchen, the garden hose, everywhere. This is because it’s the same water, and the temperature is whatever the temperature of your home’s walls, or the earth beneath is. Which is never cold, and never hot.

What happens when hot and cold are mixed? Panamanian water happens.

Hot and Cold Water, Steroid Cream for Bug Bites . . . Photo by Author, an obvious bachelor.

What I said about not knowing what the deal is: I have a few neighbors who look out for me (I think). I’ve had several experiences of a neighbor rushing over to my house in the morning distressed because some other neighbor reported me walking around the neighborhood naked.

Every time this happens I just have to laugh, and I do. Partly because when I go out, especially to ‘town,’ I wear long pants, shoes not flip-flops, and a button-down shirt. Sometimes shorts and soccer jerseys in the neighborhood, but not often. Never naked! They’d be scared of my twin white nalgas.

I laugh because when I walk to town, a kilometer away, I pass a lot of people showering out in their driveways, wearing huge mumus, or in the case of their children, naked. As I walk by, I nod or shout “Hola!” but I ignore the nudity. The people showering just ignore me. I try to ignore the teenage women showering like this . . . sometimes the vistas in this tropical paradise are breathtaking.

Latinos are weird, but you know, they think the same of me… I suppose.

The motto of Panama is supposedly “Tranquilo!” I don’t really see the tranquility. I prefer the Mexico City version. There they say, in Spanish, that “life is dangerous. Get over yourself!” That’s a reasonable motto, considering that they live between two live volcanoes, and sometimes the air in the city is essentially unbreathable. Also… some Americans freak in Mexico when they’re out buying tacos of unknown meat and potentially deadly lettuce, especially when the cart comes around (noisily) at 2 A.M. I have the good sense to eat the tacos and drink the tap water. Over time you get immunity.

Of course, I’m old enough to be talking about my past experiences in Mexico. Used to be that you could buy opium powder for when you get diarrhea. It’s a lifesaver, plus you *feel really good* for about 8 hours.

Midway Takeaway for Americans: You have to let go of EVERYTHING, even most of your ego, if you want to live in Latin America. Unless you move to an ex-pat community I guess — but even there you’d find yourself ‘at sea’ when interacting with the natives.