Lost My Son and Learned a Lesson
By: Xavier Woon
Tags: Christianity, Adolescence, Parenting, Family, Catholic

Pushing the stack of groceries in my trolley, I was frantically looking for my son in the aisles of the supermarket. Just a moment ago, he was with me. But when I was about to check-out, I looked to my side and discovered that he had disappeared! I panicked. While calling out his name, I was both worried about his safety and angry with his disobedience. Why can’t this boy listen to simple instructions like staying by my side?

I came to the section on toys. He was there, trying out some of the action figures. I was relieved that he was safe, but that feeling was short-lived. Anger took over me. I pulled him by his ear and dragged him away. Fortunately, he did not throw a tantrum and followed me meekly. In the car, I had to vent off my anger on him. I told him he was lucky. When I was a kid and I got lost, my mother’s scolding was only the first part. This was followed by a scourging at home. [When I was growing up in the 1960s mothers caning their children were perfectly normal. Children like me survived by growing armor-plated skin] Fortunately for my boy, I cooled down by the time we reached home.

Sometime later, an interesting passage in the Bible caught my eye:

and when the feast [of the Passover] was ended, as they [Joseph & Mary] were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it. (Luke 2:43, RSVCE)

Really? Jesus’ parents lost Him when he was twelve years old? Upon reflecting on the boy Jesus at the temple from the cultural and psychological perspectives, I should have reacted more appropriately when my boy got lost at the supermarket.

During Jesus’ time, it was quite common to travel in caravans. This was a group of merchants, pilgrims, or travelers journeying together, usually for mutual protection in deserts or other hostile regions [1].

Photo by Nesha Thich on Unsplash

Relatives and friends of a village did the pilgrimage to Jerusalem yearly according to the Jewish custom. They traveled together and looked out for each other. So, it was perfectly normal to assume that Jesus could be with other children of His age instead of being with his parents. He could also be with some relatives or friends. Joseph and Mary could have placed the custody of Jesus with other relatives on previous trips to Jerusalem and they returned home safely. Hence, there was no reason to think this trip was any different. So they did not check if He was onboard prior to setting off back to Nazareth. This explained why they noticed Jesus’ absence only after a day of traveling.

When they went back to Jerusalem to look for Jesus, they found Him in the temple. He was sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Obviously, Jesus was a quick learner because

all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. (Luke 2:47, RSVCE)

As Jesus learned from them, they also learned from Him. It was years later that I began to appreciate the insights of this passage. In contemporary educational psychology, Prof. Howard Gardner proposed that there are at least seven modalities of intelligence [2]. Later, he added two more. Children’s intelligence could consist of more than one modality and not be narrowly defined by IQ (Intelligence Quotient) alone. Some children may not be able to sit still and study, but they can play sports and win competitions. Some children have musical talents like singing, dancing, and playing instruments. Some children make friends easily and are deemed popular.

By Paolo Veronese — http://www.museodelprado.es/typo3temp/pics/2ce71c7a65.jpg, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20204530

Obviously, Jesus had multiple modalities because He was not with just one teacher, but among teachers. They were answering many of His questions. Jesus’ eagerness in learning is consistent with today’s understanding of the adolescent brain. Neuro-imaging shows that the brain undergoes dramatic changes with impulses or messages passing at far higher speeds [3]. At this age, more brain cells branch out, and connectivity increases. Jesus was at the age where He needed a higher level of engagement. While I’m sure He enjoyed the company of His adolescent friends, they could not satisfy His appetite for knowledge. It was through the interaction with more learned people in the temple that He was able to “join the dots”. The Bible did not mention what happened in the subsequent years, but Jesus probably would have continued with the annual dialogue with the teachers.

Did He learn from them? Sure, because the Bible recorded,

Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.” (Luke 2:52, RSVCE)

So, while He maintained a day job as a carpenter, He was actually a preacher-in-training.

This passage gave me a perspective regarding my boy when he got lost at the supermarket. I was too focused on getting the groceries done and ignored him. I did nothing to interest him. Naturally, he did not want to be with me but was drawn to the action figures at the toy section. God used this occasion as a teaching moment for me. Like the teachers at the Temple of Jerusalem who engaged Jesus, my family’s subsequent trips to the supermarket became more educational for my kids. My wife taught them how to read the nutritional labels, compared the prices of food items, and learned how to budget. They were happy to discover what was new on the supermarket shelves and helped to prepare our family meals later. I learned that children at this age needed more than love. Like the boy Jesus, they needed to make sense of the world they live in.

As our children learn & discover the world, learn & discover with them.

I’m happy to say that, with more interaction with my children, none of them were lost in the supermarket again :)

References:

[1] https://www.britannica.com/topic/caravan-desert-transport

[2] Gardner, H. (1983) Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

[3] Griffin A. (2017). Adolescent Neurological Development and Implications for Health and Well-Being. Healthcare (Basel, Switzerland), 5(4), 62. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare5040062