Cat-Called in Front of my 9 yo Daughter
By: Jessie London
Tags: Sexual Harassment, Feminism, Womens Rights, Literature, Law

Photo by Frans Van Heerden from Pexels

It’s only as I grew that I understood that the hot blushing on my face and the knotted feeling in my stomach after a cat-call wasn’t the power of ‘male desire’ at all.

I felt like prey.

Being called to by predators.

Like so many women, I’ve modified my behaviour to avoid predatory male attention. This isn’t new. Nor is it a blight to modern society only.

In Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the D’Ubervilles the eponymous lady plucks out her own eyebrows — yes — entirely removes her eyebrow hair among other things to avoid male attention:

Facebook — Thomas Hardy

To this end Tess resolved to run no further risks from her appearance. As soon as she got out of the village she entered a thicket and took from her basket one of the oldest field-gowns, which she had never put on even at the dairy — … She also, by a felicitous thought, took a handkerchief from her bundle and tied it round her face under her bonnet, covering her chin and half her cheeks and temples, as if she were suffering from toothache. Then with her little scissors, by the aid of a pocket looking-glass, she mercilessly nipped her eyebrows off, and thus insured against aggressive admiration she went on her uneven way.

A recent report from the New York area revealed how women react to street harassment in our time.

Over half of the respondents said that they’ve:

Changed their clothing to avoid attention

Refused a social event

Chose different transportation options from those most convenient

Felt distracted at work/school.

Some respondents note that they even moved cities or changed jobs because of street harassment.

Well, it certainly didn’t work for Tess:

“What a mommet of a maid!” said the next man who met her to a companion.

The next man Tess encounters after changing her appearance calls her a scarecrow. Cat-Calling isn’t always ‘positive.’

One Day I was Out Walking with my Daughter…

Photo by Gustav Fring from Pexels

when a white jeep accelerated up behind us then slowed right down.

Four topless men hung out of the windows.

‘Get ya t**s out love!’ shouted one.

‘MILF, MILF, MILF’ chanted another.

‘Give us a smile!’ instructed another.

I was mortified. My daughter had just turned 9 years old and was immediately confused as to why these men were shouting at her Mom. We live in a really quiet, rural community and this was something I’d never experienced so close to home.

I did the only thing I could think of. I gathered my daughter to me and told her to face away.

Together, we stood with our backs to the men in protest.

Photo by Tim Gouw from Pexels

‘Bi**h!’ one said and then they drove off.

I took a few breaths to compose myself, but my daughter didn’t. She began immediately.

Mummy, why did those men shout at us?

Mummy, that man swore!’

I calmed her down and explained that nasty men sometimes shout at women that they find attractive or want attention from. Occasionally, they get angry when women don’t respond and then they call us names.

A thousand questions followed and I answered them candidly — as I do all of my children’s questions. It’s just my style.

As my little one gradually ran out of things to ask, her mind now grasping what had gone on, she began asking the same question in different ways.

Clearly, I wasn’t giving a satisfactory response.

Mummy — what are we going to do about those men?

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I smiled. Proud that I’d raised a little lady of action. Who saw something bad and wanted to change the world in some way.

There’s not really anything we can do love. I said to her.

and she stopped dead in her tracks, faced me, hands-on hips and said:

Mummy-there’s always something you can do!

I hate it when they’re so right.

But I kind of love it too.

So I promised that we’d do something. Because I realised that we should always be willing to fight to change something that’s so wrong.

When we got home I Googled street harassment law.

Photo by Ekaterina Bolovtsova from Pexels

In the States, there’s a mixture of laws, with some locations having explicit laws against it and others having nothing to cover it at all.

This one law, from NJ, USA really satisfies me!

In New Jersey, it’s considered disorderly conduct to “offend the sensibilities of the hearer” in a public place with “unreasonably loud and offensively coarse or abusive language.”

In a few European countries — Portugal, Spain, Belgium — there are explicit laws against catcalling.

Sadly, it isn’t illegal here in the UK.

So, what could we do?

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

I found a petition to make cat-calling illegal in the UK and signed up.

In fact, I discovered a number of petitions and an online group dedicated to outlawing street harassment. I joined them all. I regularly share content to raise awareness and garner more signatures and members.

I see that protests, petitions and media coverage are being rolled out. In 2021, this issue will be brought to the fore in the UK.

In addition, I emailed my MP (Member of Parliament) and described the incident, asking that he champion the petition to legislate against this form of harassment.

In a post-Covid world, I look forward to actively being involved in the campaign to end cat-calling for good.

What did I learn from my daughter?