3 Ways I Overcome Social Anxiety
Tags: Life Lessons, Wellness, Self, Relationships, Social Anxiety

Anyone that knows me personally will be shocked to hear this: I used to have a lot of social anxiety. Although I have managed to overcome most of my anxiety around social situations, it has been a long journey filled with self-reflection, rejection from others, and numerous highs and lows.

To provide you with a bit of an insight, I moved about 3 times in primary and secondary school. I moved cities, states, and even countries a couple of times. An individual with affinity towards belongingness, overcoming social anxiety was almost a survival mechanism. I need to feel supported socially to thrive in all other areas of life.

So, I had no choice but to choose to overcome the fear of meeting new people and approaching strangers.

Here are some of the things I learned along the way that made me the “social butterfly” that I am labeled as today:

We are all just skeletons

Literally, underneath everyone’s beautiful and intimidating faces are just blood, flesh and skeletons. Fundamentally, we all come from similar places and to some extent share similar life experiences of going through happiness, despair, envy, pride, ego, etc. We are all human beings with likes, dislikes, struggles, pain, and a sense of humor (hopefully).

Understanding this truth helped put a lot of things in perspective for me and eased my anxiety around approaching strangers — to a certain extent. It was a bit easier for me to approach the popular girl or the hot guy because instead of idolizing them, like many teenagers do, I realized that they were also imperfect beings — just with different set of struggles than my own. This realization also enhanced my ability to form stronger bonds with people that are usually labeled as “hard to crack.”

Fear of Rejection

Rejection hurts, no matter the type. Whether it is being rejected from our dream job and college, or from a certain social group. Our feelings are hurt, our self-esteem takes a hit, and it unsettles our feeling of belonging. Researcher at Duke University, Mark R. Leary states that “being excessively worried about [rejection] — to the point that we do not do things that might benefit us — can compromise the quality of our life.”

So yes, I was afraid of being rejected by certain people, but my desire to form a relationship was of higher value to me, which meant I had to suck up the fear of rejection and be vulnerable at times.

The more I threw myself towards being rejected, the better I was at handling the pain that came from it.

Instead of taking others’ behaviors personally, I accepted that it was a reflection of their own understanding of the world. Truth is that most of the rejection didn’t doom me to oblivion, so as hard as it was, instead of naturally withdrawing from putting myself out there again, I continuously focused on building up my self-esteem and my positive qualities.

Identify the root cause of discomfort

Sometimes before others can reject us, we reject ourselves. Social anxiety, to some extent, is a construct, that our mind repeatedly manifests and forces us to believe.

“If I go to the party, no one will talk to me.”

“Everyone will stare at me walking in late and think that I am a loser”

Above described example of negative self-talks are all creations of your mind — -and completely false creations too! Going back to the skeleton analogy, people are too caught up in their own worries to give a sh*t about yours. Pardon my language, but I cannot emphasize this enough!

I used to be afraid to talk to guys, even if they confessed their fondness towards me because I did not consider myself pretty enough. I wanted to apply to work as a fashion advisor but was not confident enough to showcase my skills. I continued to reject myself before others due to my own insecurities.

What is stopping you in social situations? Is it your exaggerated flaws? Do you think that you are not worthy of belonging to a certain social group because of that flaw?

Self-reflecting on your deeper woundings and traumas to identify this discomfort, and then consciously making an effort to not feel that way is key for overcoming social anxiety.