The (Not-So) Great Outdoors!
By: Deesha Dyer
Tags: National Park Service, Black Women, Hiking, Fear, Nature

The (Not-So) Great Outdoors!

First, I want to apologize to all my fellow melanated friends who have had to fight the stereotype that Black people don’t like outdoorsy things like camping, hiking, etc. I am Black people.

I will not pretend that I like being out deep in nature at all. It is a real fear. And when I fear something, I default to either 1. I don’t like it or 2. I can’t do it. Easier that way. I’m afraid of getting poison ivy or poison oak, afraid of ticks, afraid of bears, coyotes, snakes and everything else that lies in the surface of the woods waiting to kill me. I just can’t. I didn’t camp as a young young child. It started at my boarding school. It was structured and not too bad but I got my period on one of these trips and we had no supplies out in the woods so I had to ‘figure it out’. It was horrible. Maybe it is deep seated trauma? Besides that, it wasn’t that bad — we had cots in a cabin, but I was young then and fearless. That has gone away as I’ve gotten older.

I love nature, I do. I co-founded and run a non-profit that empowers and equips young Black girls to travel. We’ve taken them to London, Madrid and Paris. Wes & I’s very first trip out of NYC during COVID was to New Hampshire. It was 4 months into the pandemic and heaven. But we got to the part where he wanted to go hike in the woods. I couldn’t do it. Honestly, I froze and started tearing up. He quickly held both of my hands, told me to close my eyes and did a breathing exercise with me. He then set the timer to do a 30 minute walk — 15 in and 15 out. Now mind you this was a paved trail with babies running on it. It was safe but there was a sign about bears so I was convinced…the bear was after me. It was also dead summer and I wore long sleeves and a winter hat to prevent bugs! I was hot and uncomfortable.

This isn’t new. As an adult, my best friend and I used to go to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee for vacation. But we drove right up to the door of a beautiful cabin with a hot tub right outside Dollywood — the amusement park by the great Dolly Parton. We’re best friends for many reasons but one is because we both don’t care to get any more friendly with nature. I’ve been to the most beautiful places like Hawaii twice. Both times my friends arranged hikes — one in Maui and the other in Kona & Hilo. The first time, it was in a rainforest of sorts. I literally cried out of fear. Then another was with a group of friends for a birthday and I didn’t want to look like a punk, so I did it but of course — I fell on rock and got hurt. This proved me right — the woods hate me! This summer (2021), we went to the magical Monhegan Island which is amazing and did a trail to hike to the cliffs and look out at the ocean. And I didn’t want to do it out of fear but look at what I would have missed out on. the beauty, the wonder, the peace of stillness and wonder of God. A site that may not be here in just a few years as climate change continues to rage on.

But also, who says that all the animals and insects want us invading their territory? For the record, I also don’t do zoos…that is more an ethical decision and surely another post for another time.

And, I feel bad because I am engaged to a man of the outdoors (important to point out that he is not melanated), a lover of the ocean, sea and lake. He grew up on the water in Milford, CT. He is so patient with me y’all. He doesn’t get my fear and neither do I. He’ll tell me about going camping with other partners before just in casual conversation and I’ll say, “I’m so sorry I don’t do that.” We laugh about it but I’m a little serious in that apology. I also make him take a photo of me every single time we go in any kind of deep nature so I can post it on IG and get some outside validation that I can do it. HA!

So I decided to conquer this fear by buying a National Park pass (get one! It’s good for a full year and only $80!) and vowing to visit multiple national parks this year and the next and the next. Not just visit, but hike a trail or two with hopefully graduating to actually camping out in the woods. We’ve been to Great Falls in Virginia, Shenandoah in Virginia, Mt. Rainier in Washington State and then a few other nature dense places that aren’t national parks like Multnomah Falls in Oregon, Loon Mountain in New Hampshire, random Maine & Vermont locations, etc. I’m sure I’m forgetting some.

I also want to note again, I love nature. I’m not just a city girl who hates being outside of noisy cars, pollution and nightlife. I actually crave a slower pace — which is partially the reason we moved from NYC last year. I love being among trees that make breathing easier. I love waterfalls (as long as it is’t a long walk to them) and beaches and very paved walks — just not the woods where I can’t see or feel my way out easily. I want to overcome this and need your help my friends.

Has anyone else overcome their fear of the woods or hiking or camping? Are there tips, tricks, a guide? Someone suggested CBD but I’m afraid of being too relaxed and not being on guard if a grizzly wants to taste some dark meat on a random afternoon. I’m a mess. Someone help me!