RESPECTING CHILDREN- WHY AND HOW?
By: Dr Janice Morais
Tags: Parenting Tips, Respectful Parenting, Parenting Advice, Parenting, Self Esteem

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We have always been taught to respect our parents and elders. But don’t children and young people deserve the same respect?

As parents, we become the provider for our children. We provide them with food, clothing, shelter, security, hygiene, education, etc. as these as the basic needs of an individual. But do we ever consider that being respected is also a human need for their overall personality development!

WHY to respect children?

1. Modelling how to respect:

Children learn more from our actions than our words. It’s quite effective to model to our children how respectful communication looks like rather than to keep telling them ‘Speak to me respectfully’, ‘that’s not how you speak to your mother’. Children pick up language, accent, and vocabulary from their caregivers without being pushed into learning. Likewise, isn’t it possible that they even pick up our tone of speaking too!

2. Raises self-esteem:

When we constantly speak to our children respectfully, they internalize that they deserve respect and grow up as adults with higher self-worth and self-value. With this kind of self-esteem, they would not allow anyone else to breach their boundaries and would not be taken for granted.

3. Strengthened parent- child bond:

By having respectful conversations with our children, we develop mutual respect. Children grow up respecting their parents rather than fear them. Hence the connection between the parent and child is strengthened.

HOW to respect children?

1. Respectful Communication:

Our tone, gesture, body language can communicate respect. Other non-verbal communication tools could be bending down to our children’s eye level while having conversations with them or making eye contact while talking and listening.

2. Giving them choices:

Allowing the children to make small choices for themselves is empowering as well as respectful. It let’s the child know that his/her choice matters.

3. Validate their feelings:

By acknowledging and accepting our children’s feelings we show that we respect their feelings. Dismissing their feelings is totally disrespectful and hurtful. While I say accept their feelings, I don’t mean that we need to agree with their feeling. However, refrain from disregarding their feelings.

4. Refrain from interrupting their play:

Play is the work of the child and mind you; children take their play rather seriously. Just like how we dislike anyone disturbing us while we work, the same way children find it disturbing when we interrupt or interfere with their play. Likewise, helping the children when they are stuck with their puzzles, or any difficult activities communicates to them that we don’t trust them enough to solve their problems on their own.

While we show respect to our children, they internalize that they deserve respect and won’t allow anyone to mistreat or disrespect them when they grow up. On the contrary, if we deal with our children with disrespect, we are conveying that this is what they are worthy of and will grow up accepting cheeky behavior.

The onus is on us parents as to what do we want our children to normalize- respect or disrespect!