10 Ways to Stay Positive During a Deployment
By: Kelsey Crist
Tags: Deployment, Military, Depression, Military Family, Positivity

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

When my husband called and informed me of his deployment my throat constricted and tears immediately flowed. When we hung up I laid on our bed crying for twenty minutes. I was a mess. After the initial freak out, I decided to be strong. I had to support my husband and put on a brave-Mommy-face for our girls. I kept it together and stayed strong up until the moment I hugged my husband goodbye. He whispered, “You’ll be okay, Kelsey.” I blinked the tears away, got into my SUV, and drove away. I’ve stayed strong on most days and never let our girls see me cry. Here’s a list of tips and tricks I’ve used to “keep calm and carry on.”

Focus on the day-to-day.

My husband won’t be home for several months. When I think about how many months separate us I immediately sink into depression. This may be the most important advice I can give. Don’t dwell on the deployment. Keep going. Remember the wives that have lost their husbands, and honor their pain by being thankful that your husband is alive and well.

Write letters to your husband.

Real Letters. With actual pen and paper. There is something magical about putting pen to paper. Whether your husband expresses it or not (mine doesn’t) your letters are a special reminder of home. You may express yourself in an unexpected way that will surprise both you and your husband, and keep you connected.

Try something new.

I’ve started researching and learning about graphic design. Putting time and thought into researching, learning, and creating has given me a more positive mindset. According to Harvard Health, “learning a new skill — leads to actual changes in the adult brain”(Harvard Health Publishing 2015). Focusing on a new skill creates neural connections and gives you something positive to focus on

Spend time with friends and/or family.

Do not let yourself become a hermit. My emotions are so whacky sometimes my instinct is to curl into a ball and ignore everything. When I give in to the temptation to “hermitize” I find myself getting depressed and resentful. According to “psychologist, Susan Pinker, direct person-to-person contact triggers parts of our nervous system that release a “cocktail” of neurotransmitters tasked with regulating our response to stress and anxiety” (Medical News Today 2018). Resisting the urge to isolate and being social is essential to maintaining positivity and emotional strength.

Photo by Yuri Efremov on Unsplash

Read.

I am aware that not everyone is a book nerd, but reading can be a cathartic experience and reduces stress. A 2009 study by the University of Sussex found that reading for just six minutes can reduce stress levels by up to 68% (The Telegraph, March 2009).

Laugh.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” — Proverbs 17:22

The author of Proverbs, King Solomon, was considered the wisest man in the world, and his sentiment is scientifically accurate. According to the Mayo Clinic laughter has several benefits including reducing stress and improving your mood. (Mayo Clinic 2019) Curling up with my daughters and watching a funny movie has saved me more times than I can recall.

Call a friend.

When I say call a friend. I am referring to someone who will lift you up. Do not call a friend that likes to whine and complain. This is the time to surround yourself with positive people and let the rest go for now. Military wives are particularly helpful at this point. I am lucky to have a sister and friend with military husbands, and they have been an invaluable source of strength and understanding.

Organize.

My sister came over and helped me organize our garage. It was great. My sister and I had fun and my garage looks amazing. There is something about getting your house organized that makes your life feel positive. It inspired me so much that I started reorganizing my kitchen.

Organizing reduces stress and anxiety among numerous other health benefits. So, start that spring cleaning early and get positive. (shape.com 2015) (Intermountain Health Care 2018)

Exercise.

This is something I’m working on, but I can’t skip such an essential element even if I’m the worst example of consistency. In an article by Harvard Health Publishing, the author states that “exercise supports nerve cell growth in the hippocampus, improving nerve cell connections, which helps relieve depression” (Harvard Health Publishing 2019). What better way to combat deployment depression than to flood your body with endorphins?

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

Pray or Meditate.

Prayer is a deep eternal well of strength. Prayer and meditation have been my most effective forms of stress and anxiety reduction. This statement is coming from someone diagnosed with PMDD and anxiety. I took anxiety meds for years and was able to wean myself off through consistent meditation, and no longer suffer from daily anxiety attacks or migraines. The benefits of prayer and meditation are also scientifically based.

“Prayer, like meditation, influences our state of mind, which, in turn, influences our “state of body”. It reduces the experience of anxiety, elevates a depressed mood, lowers blood pressure, stabilizes sleep patterns and impacts autonomic functions like digestion and breathing.” (Psychology Today 2010)

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Need Help?

The deployment of a spouse can be a difficult time causing anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation. If you are experiencing these feelings don’t be ashamed to reach out. You’re not alone.

The Military Spouse Advocacy Network is a place where you can find support. Here is the link: Military Spouse Advocacy Network.