Losing your job: A note on how to carry on
By: Greg Rasmuson
Tags: Mind, Unemployed, Body, Work, Unemployment

Last Monday, I lost my job, and when I say “lost”, I mean I was fired from my job. I use the word “lost” to take the sting off what actually happened, but I was definitely fired. My bosses, the two co-founders of our start-up digital marketing agency, also used language to try and soften then blow. “Hey man, this has nothing to do with what’s going on with the virus, but we need to let you go.” “It’s strictly dollars and cents, and you’ve had a rough couple months.” Those two sentences really hurt. I thought I was doing a good job, I wasn’t even on a performance plan or anything of the sort, so this really came out of left field for me.

My first reaction was anger. I dismissively laughed at the two co-founders when they told me this. I shut my work laptop, left it on the desk and began packed my belongings. My heart was racing, and I could feel myself swell with anger. They told me “we still like you dude,” as if, in that moment, knowing that the two USC frat bros who started this marketing agency for restaurants liked me would suddenly calm me down and make me feel fine with everything that just happened. Idiots. I told them I would be filing for unemployment, and then just left the office in a hurry. The whole interaction was at most five minutes long.

Just like that, I went from fully employed to nothing at all.

I know it’s 2020, but even still, as a man it is a hard pill to swallow to know that your pregnant wife is going to have the lion-share of financial responsibility. My pride was and is hurt, and I’m sure this is going to happen more as the quarantine from the COVID-19 pandemic progresses, so here’s a short list of things I’ve been doing to help me cope with the grief and uncertainty I am feeling about the future.

Tell everyone. Don’t be ashamed. Talking to my wife, my mom, whoever cares enough to listen, has been really up lifting. In times of uncertainty it’s important to lean on the people who love you. Whoever this network is, make sure you leverage them. Remember, you never have to suffer in silence about the pain you’re feeling. In this time of social distancing, you may think that this can be hard, especially if you live far away from your support network. But remember technology has made the world a whole lot smaller, so set up a FaceTime call with your old college roommate, or a Zoom get together with some old colleagues, leverage the technologies of 2020 to help you connect with those you care about. I have found that those closest too you will be more than happy to you help you in these hard and scary times, and connecting with them has made all the difference to me. Stay active, and get your heart rate up. Working out hard can help shift your mindset from the future uncertainties and make you focus on the present moment. “I need to get through this mile”, “Just 10 more burpees”. Whatever the workout that will get your heart rate up and make you sweat will be a healthy outlet for some of the grief and anxiety that you might be feeling. In addition to helping you stay present, once you finish your workout, there’s a free endorphin hit at the end. These last couple weeks of unemployment I’ve felt the best and most optimistic when I’ve just finished a hard workout. Take this positive momentum into whatever else you need to do to be productive in this downtime. Come into the present and let go of what you can’t control. Anyone who practices mindfulness or meditation will already be familiar with this, but in these uncertain times of global pandemic and wide spread job loss it’s more important than ever. You can’t control what your boss did, when the government will open the economy back up, or when you’ll get a that job interview, and that’s ok. Focus on what you can control, and when you catch your mind starting to spiral into the unknown come back to the present by focusing on your belly expanding as you breath in deeply, or name the first five things you see in the room. It sounds simple, but it really does help slow down the wheels in your brain. Find meaning in your day to day. Stay busy during the day, apply for jobs, learn something new, and finish those projects you’ve been saying you wanted to if you only had more time. If you’re like me then the nine to five job you had likely wasn’t your dream job. Now that you’ve got all this extra time, work on those things you’ve been telling your friends you’ve REALLY wanted to do. Write that screenplay, create that website, learn how to use Adobe Creative Cloud , whatever it is, get to work. Working on projects that I actually enjoy has really taken the sting off of my unemployment. I’ve created a couple websites, I’m writing more, and trying to get ahead in my MBA studies. Things I’ve always wanted to do more of, but just couldn’t because of work. These are uncertain and scary times for sure, and the open ended-ness of unemployment and the COVID-19 pandemic make things that much more stressful. But remember, this too will pass, and in the meantime focus on doing the things that bring meaning into your life.

All these suggestions are not to discount the fact that what we’re going through, both globally (COVID-19)and personally (getting fired), aren’t extremely difficult to deal with emotionally. I’ve felt sad, ashamed, and scared, and will, I’m certain, feel that way again. I can live with that, it’s ok to feel sad, ashamed, or scared. But remember to note those feelings, and sit with them so that you’re no longer a victim of emotion.

I’m hopeful that by this time next year that I’ll be able to look back on this time, and be grateful for the long walks I’ve been able to take with my wife, the extra time at home I’ll get with my newborn daughter, or the fact that I was finally able to finish writing that portfolio of sketches that I could submit to some future employer.

None of this will be easy, but nothing in life worth doing is ever easy. So keep your head up and carry on. You’ll be stronger for it.