The Pursuit of Happiness iS Overrated
By: Asmita Karanje
Tags: Self Love, Life, Self, Goals, Happiness

Life-lessons

The Pursuit of Happiness is Overrated

What you thought as a goal is just a way of life

Often you hear people say I will be happy once I have moved overseas or once I have done my masters or once I have kids. Or worse if I earn this much or reach this position that I shall attain happiness. “I should achieve ‘x’ to be able to be happy.”

Let’s unfold this statement— the flawed assumption 1) that we aren’t happy now where we are, in what we are doing. Then the assumption 2) that happiness is a goal post and lastly 3) the assumption that once you achieve this goal post, you’ll live happily ever after. No, it doesn’t happen like that in the real world. None of these assumptions holds forever.

I once attended an Art of Living workshop in my early twenties

Not that I believe in the spiritual gurus as such, but because I was forced by my Dad to attend it. I don’t remember much of the philosophy as such but the one message that has stayed with me was ‘To live in the moment’.

Being present in the moment that you are in and making the most of it.

So, they took away our phones for the 3 days Bootcamp and we were told to follow the instructions — when to wake up, when to exercise, when to trek and when to do whatever was being told to us. We had no choice but to obey those orders. I resisted initially but later realized that it’s no use resisting because a 20-year-old me can’t influence them alone. And what’s the least that can happen in following those instructions — it’s just 3 days anyway.

I slowly got interested in the activities — the trek, the Yoga, the fun games, making new friends but still hated those long boring sermons. It just never resonated with my beliefs and values. It still doesn’t, in case you are thinking — I am going to tell you about my change of mind. It is just this one message about ‘Living in the moment’ that I deeply care about.

So I listened very attentively, I observed and I accepted the experience as a whole — the good, the bad and the ugly. You take it all in your stride. And whenever I think back of this short trip, I remember only the good parts — I was carefree, didn’t have any liabilities and perhaps didn’t have to make any decisions. I just lived in that moment.

To be honest, it has helped me in making amends with the wrong cards you are dealt at times, the last-minute change of plans, the instantaneous plans that turn into disasters. This one simple message helped me to smile through when others were annoyed, stressed and whiny. You cannot change the past so don’t fret over what has already happened in the last 20,30 or 50 years of your life or even the last 20,30 or 50 minutes of your life — it’s gone and you will never get it back. The future isn’t easy to predict either — there are a lot of variables at play and you don’t have full control over it. But what you can control is the very moment you are in right now.

Make the most of where you are

It doesn’t matter if you are alone or you are at the lowest point in your life — what matters is how you live that moment.

It doesn’t matter if you are homebound for months or you are homesick by travelling. It doesn’t matter if you have a Tesla or you drive an Uber. It doesn’t matter if you are working for someone or working for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are stuck with a chatterbox or if you have been with your solitude for days on end. It doesn’t matter.

It is not permanent and like everything that flows, it too shall pass, whether you like it, love it or hate it. That’s the way of life.

No one remains happy forever and no one remains sad forever too.

But that doesn’t mean you stop planning for the future, you should definitely prepare for tomorrow. Put every effort in thinking about the intricate details of how your destiny looks, just don’t forget to enjoy the beautiful journey you have embarked on to reach that destination.

Don’t waste your present to make the future better (future that you haven’t even seen till now)

Happiness is a myth we seek,

If manifested surely irks;

Like river speeding to the plain,

On its arrival slows and murks.

For man is happy only in

His aspiration to the heights;

When he attains his goal, he cools

And longs for other distant flights. -Khalil Gibran

The biggest myth is that Happiness is a milestone

It isn’t. It isn’t a milestone. It isn’t a destination. It isn’t a goal post. It is the state of mind. And how something would make you feel in the future is perhaps difficult to predict in the present.

What you believe would bring happiness today might not tomorrow when you actually accomplish that goal. I have never felt ecstatic on the day of my wedding or the day I got my first job or the day we moved to a new country. I had a lot on my mind on all of these days.

So, at best I experienced a lot of mixed emotions. On my wedding day, for example, I was sad about the decor, I was worried about my parents and I was anxious about this new family I am getting into — being happy was the least of my concerns.

The day I got my first job was the same day I rejected another job offer and making that decision was tough, so I was analyzing all throughout the day if I made the right choice. It was really tough. I was not even close to being happy. The day we moved to the new country I actually fell sick due to the humongous workload that I had to manage in that short time frame before moving countries.

Well, I am not saying I wasn’t a tiny bit happy in any of these scenarios. I was, but it was always mixed with a lot of other emotions. And if I recall the days just preceding these milestones, there were a lot of moments of happiness.

The day when I got engaged, the times I got promoted, the day I got the international role I wanted. It has happened in the most unexpected ways and times. Not to undermine the effort and all the decisions that led up to that moment, but if I would have only cared about these milestones, that’d just be a handful of days.

What about the rest of life? What about the other 360 days of the year — are we not happy then?

So are we not supposed to live for them — that Zumba class which oozed all the energy out of you, the first time you had driven without any assistance, the first scuba diving experience of your life, the laughing riot that you had with your friends the last dinner, that warm lick or the innocent smile welcoming you home, there are a million such moments.

Cherish each one of them.

Happiness is a little overrated

Being happy isn’t a goalpost for me anymore. It’s probably a way of life and satisfaction is what I would rather run after. Being satisfied with the skillset I am learning, the weight goal I am pursuing, the diet or lifestyle I have. And the only one to satisfy would be me.

So if I am content with where I am, I am good. I don’t have to depend on money, fame, drugs to make me happy. They are immaterial. I know I sound a lot like one of those Gurus I so hate but it is the single biggest truth.

I want to quote something from my favourite author and one of my favourite books of all times