Self-Discovery in an Age of Chaos
Tags: Self Discovery, Executive Coaching, Mentorship, Enneagram, Matrix

Anyone who knew me well in the year 2000 will tell you I was a true mystic in the philosophy surrounding the 1999 science fiction blockbuster, The Matrix.

The Matrix told the story of a young man’s (Neo) journey to find his humanity while saving all of humanity from its technology run amuck.

Early in the movie, Neo had not yet fully believed that he was “the One” destined to save humanity. He could not see or believe the full scope of the prophesy as clearly as his guide, Morpheus, but he did sense that there was more in him.

Have you every felt there was more in you, but you just cannot see the edges of the vision for your life? Do you know that feeling?

At one point, Neo performed the amazing act of heroism described in the opening story at the beginning of this post. At the end of the sequence, Morpheus looked at Neo and said, “See, do you believe it now?” Neo doubtfully demurred saying that he might not be “the One.”

Morpheus then shared one of the most powerful lines of the film when he retorted: “Neo, at some point you are going to have to understand that there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

Twenty Years of Self-Discovery

We are all walking paths that may be known to others but not yet to ourselves. I find this truth to not only be profound on a future-facing basis, but in hindsight I find it to be a fair picture of my own life.

I cannot count the number of times I have been prayed over, believed in and pointed in directions that I could not see for myself. I had to trust in what others saw in me until I could see it for myself. That is what Morpheus did for Neo. Today, helping others see what is possible is my role in the lives of the people I serve as a leader.

The past twenty years have been an incredible period of self-discovery. The natural unfolding of my life’s circumstances and choices have been proactively paired with activities and tools to help me better understand myself, including:

Assessments

Coaches & Counselors

Mentees & Mentors

Individually, each of these elements have helped me see my layers — nearly one by one — and inspired insight I cannot get from a book or passive conversation. Together, these intentional, professionally designed, and reflective engagements have been fuel to develop sound life strategies that help me be my best self.

This is my competitive advantage in life.

Assessments

I have taken a good number of assessments over the years. Each of those assessments revealed something new and has helped me better understand how I show up in the world.

For instance, at my best, I can be an incredible integrator and harmonizer, easily seeing connections and paths that others may struggle to see. I’m also effective at moving teams down the paths I perceive. But, at my worst, I can daydream and think deeply so much — even while in the presence of other people — that I might be experienced as aloof or uncaring.

Being aware of my personality, my energy and how others might experience me has helped me perform better at each level of leadership to which I have risen.

I have seen the major themes of my personality show up in different ways over the years. Here is a short list of those assessments, though there have been others:

360 Feedback Report

DISC

Enneagram (Type Five)

StrengthsFinder (Input. Achiever. Intellection. Developer. Connectness.)

Myers-Briggs (INFJ)

SparkeType

Symbis (Pre-Marital)

If you have taken any or several of these, then you likely read the list above and got an instant snapshot of my personality. As special as we all want to be, the reality is that human beings are much more similar than not. And, since the dawn of social science some of humanity’s best minds have been studying us — millions of us — over time and narrowed down the few types and combination of types that produce some amazingly predictable behavior.

SparkeType is totally free. A great starter assessment. Take it here.

These devices are that good. When viewed in combination these assessments can provide you with insights on par with a superpower.

I was fortunate to have many of these assessments provided as an exercise in team development by my employers, coaches or counselors. I am thankful to have been associated with leaders who understood the power of self-discovery and its enhancement to team cohesion.

Coaching & Counseling

There is something powerful about subjecting oneself to be challenged where it matters most.

I have participated in marital counseling as well as counseling for myself.I have had two experiences with executive coaches. I have never engaged a counselor or coach without some level of discomfort. Choosing to be uncomfortable is part of the process. And, for all the good discussions held in those sessions, I would say that there is something cathartic about simply choosing to be there.

I understand that many people lack the awareness, courage or resources to engage in the vulnerable act of self-discovery with a professional accountability partner. I also acknowledge that it might be a privilege to even have access to one.

Still, there are a lot of free or under-utilized resources available to even those who feel they don’t have access. And, many people who are employed have access to EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that offer mental health resources at no cost or for the cost of a $25 co-pay. Employers notoriously under-promote them. You must ask your CEO or human resources leader what resources are available to you.

I have been especially vocal about counseling this year. Maybe my courage is up because I’m not counseling through a crises, it is more preventative maintainence. Whatever the case, I know that there is a stigma about mental health, especially among black men. I want us to push past the stigma and get to work because self care is a must!

On coaching, as I grown in leadership it has become increasingly difficult to get high quality constructive feedback on my performance. Power dynamics can impede and even retard feedback.

This year, my executive coach, Hanna Hart, has come alongside to offer me honest feedback, resources and encouragement so that I could be my best. I couldn’t think of a more critical time as COVID-19 crises delivered the biggest test of leadership of my career. Thank you, Hanna!

Mentors & Mentees

On mentoring, I will simply state my truth: I do not believe you can fully master something until you teach it. There is a special intimacy of understanding a subject when you teach it. Teaching need not be didactic, Lord knows I would not be a good full-time teacher. Some of us are better demonstration/apprenticeship teachers.

Whatever the case, I have learned much by willfully putting myself in a position to observe and receive guidance. This has been true for me professionally as well as in my faith walk.

As a mentor, I can honestly and easily say that my mentees have forever changed me in several ways. The esteem and respect they extend to me has forced me to weigh my advice carefully. I have learned to respect the power of my own voice. I have also been inspired to see what is possible when one believes in herself.

Mentoring can be a time traveling experience where mentees’ questions and frustrations can trigger memories we barely (want to) remember. That has been good for my soul.

It is a full circle experience to see someone trying to figure things out, yet deterred by their own blindness or roadblocks in their way. It has been like stepping outside of myself, turning around and looking down the road I have travelled only to see someone behind me trudging along with their overweight baggage on their shoulders. Frustrated about the weight of it all.

They walk the path. I walk the path, now with more experience.

Indeed, self-discovery is a journey that we do not have to take alone.