My 2019 recap and the answer to my lifelong question…
By: Katlyn Whittenburg
Tags: Life Lessons, 2019, New Years Resolutions, Improv, 2020

My 2019 recap and the answer to my lifelong question…

My wonderful Improv 201 class at the Upright Citizens Brigade in LA

Welcome to Katlyn’s first annual year in review.

Why should you read this?

Well, maybe you are a friend or family member who felt neglected by me this year, and you wanna know what the heck I’ve been up to. Or maybe you’re a stalker of mine — in which case I’m flattered, but please don’t murder me this year. I have big plans.

Or maybe you’re a complete stranger. In which case, why should you read this personal blog post about a very specific person’s very specific year? Well, maybe… just maybe… you can relate to another human being on a deeper level than you expected. (Wow. What a beautiful thought, Katlyn. Thanks, Katlyn.)

In this post, I want to capture the theme of my year, a few epiphanies, a few mistakes, and the answer to a very big question.

First: the theme of 2019.

Lemme say: I highly recommend themes. Themes are great. A year is a compilation of countless moments that can really only mean anything if we give them meaning. That is what a theme does: unifies those moments and gives them meaning.

The theme of my 2019: Stretching.

Not like this kind of stretching. (My year was nowhere near this zen…):

More like this (in that it was sticky and messy. Plus, there is actual literal slime all over my house because my kids decided to run a children’s game show in my house, apparently.)

I started 2019 with many (oh-so-many) anxieties, whiney complaints, resentments and questions that I’ve held in my heart and my mind (and that big knot behind my shoulder blade).

“Am I a good mother?”

“Will I forever feel stuck?”

“Am I a good partner?”

“Can I still be a feminist and get botox?”

“How old are these Oreos? Should I eat them? I’m going to either way.”

And the biggest question of all….

Am I supposed to be a comedian?

This was the year to answer that question.

And I got my answer.

What does this have to do with stretching, though???

In my quest to answer these questions, I did something pretty big: I lived in NYC for 2 months and LA for 2 weeks — doing so much dang improv and stand-up. And I did all of this away from my kids. I left them in Chattanooga and went off on my own.

That. Was. Stretching.

Improv 101 at the Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC

It hurt like hell (like when you do that butterfly stretch and bend down just a little too far and and all those bits down there turn to fire…)

But I knew deep down that I had to go. Because this year I learned that being a good mom doesn’t mean sacrificing everything for your kids. At least that’s not what it means to me.

It means being a role model. An example.

The little ones :)

And not only do I want to be an example of love and general badassery, which I have worked hard over the years to instill. It also means being an example of hard work, commitment to your goals, and most importantly, commitment to taking care of yourself. I have not taught my daughters those virtues. Nope. Not at all. And I sure as heck don’t ever want them to lose themselves the way I did these past 10 years.

This decision to “chase my dreams” came at great cost and much stress. But something priceless was gained: I learned to trust my gut.

This marked the first time ever in my life that I ignored the haters and listened to my gut. Some side-effects of listening to my gut included:

A lot of crying

Stress dreaming about bears (not sure why bears, exactly… interpretations welcome.)

Stress eating (so many Oreos, y’all)

The urge to write angsty poetry

An obsession for The Great British Baking Show (not sure if this is related…)

Oh. And a glimpse at inner peace. (I really breathed for the first time in a long time the moment I stepped off the plane in NYC. ((And yes I did have headphones on and listened to “Welcome to New York” by T.Swift. OBVIOUSLY.))

SO… What is the answer? Are you supposed to be a comedian, or not???

Ok. Fine. I’ll answer the question!

The answer…

Is….

YES.

DUH.

OBVIOUSLY.

I’ve always known that I’ve gotta be a comedian, but I was too afraid to accept it. I was afraid people would find me irresponsible and naive. I was afraid of failure.

I’m not afraid anymore.

And so, as I enter 2020, I do so with great optimism and a much lighter load. I’m no longer carrying the weight of others’ expectations. Well… at least not as much.

A few other notable moments and lessons learned the hard way:

Sometimes you have to be selfish. And it does hurt other people. Especially if one of those people is 18 months old and has never been away from her mom and is suddenly without her for 2 whole weeks. When I got back from LA, my littlest wouldn’t even let me hold her for a whole day. I hurt her a lot. (This was by far the low point of my 2019. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. But don’t worry, she loves me again.)

Especially if one of those people is 18 months old and has never been away from her mom and is suddenly without her for 2 whole weeks. When I got back from LA, my littlest wouldn’t even let me hold her for a whole day. I hurt her a lot. (This was by far the low point of my 2019. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. But don’t worry, she loves me again.) Discuss. Don’t argue. I learned the hard way the impact my words can have. And I learned that being right in an argument is rarely worth it.

I learned the hard way the impact my words can have. And I learned that being right in an argument is rarely worth it. Don’t wear a bra. Except maybe when you’re running because that hurts. Otherwise, bras make boobs sad. #HappyBoobsIn2020

Except maybe when you’re running because that hurts. Otherwise, bras make boobs sad. #HappyBoobsIn2020 You’re only an adult when you take responsibility for your own life. You are only truly an adult when you accept the past and own your decisions moving forward. At 31, I finally became an adult.

You are only truly an adult when you accept the past and own your decisions moving forward. At 31, I finally became an adult. Take care of your body. It’s the only one you have. I suffer from Myalgic encephalomyelitis (or chronic fatigue syndrome). I have for many many years. (I don’t like talking about it. But fuck it. It’s 2020 and I’m free, baby!) This year I realized that my symptoms are most often triggered by anxiety and general lack of self-care (not getting enough sleep, too much stress, not eating enough…). My lack of self-care stemmed from that weird thing a lot of parents do (especially moms) where we put their own basic needs at the very bottom of our endless to-do list. (Hey, moms. Stop doing that.)

Ok, enough life lessons. You’ve got plenty of those on your own. In fact, feel free to share what you learned this year in the comments. I would love to read all about them. Also, feel free to share this post with others. Get more people in on the #HappyBoobsIn2020 hashtag…

And now 2019 in a bunch of scrunched together images!