How To Enjoy Your Free Time If You Get Anxious Easily
By: Adriana Sim
Tags: Self Improvement, Life, Adriana Sim, Anxiety, Mental Health

Take a minute and think about the last time you were feeling anxious for no reason. Where were you, what were you doing at that very moment?

I’m willing to bet you weren’t doing much at all. You were either at work, in between tasks, or at home, paralyzed with fear.

I know this because I’ve been in your shoes, more times than I’d care to admit. I’ve subjected myself to worry and rumination until my body learned it so well, it could switch into that uncomfortable state with no warning whatsoever.

I slip into a state I can only describe as angst. That feeling of unease, like when something is wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Feeling like something horrible is about to happen when you’re merely brushing your teeth is a distressing state to be in. But, it doesn’t have to get to the point of frozen despair to acknowledge you have a problem.

Why do we get anxious in our free time?

To answer that question, we need to look at times when we’re not anxious. When we get so lost in whatever we’re doing that there’s no room for any other thoughts.

In his book, “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience,” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes a state in which people are so involved in a task that nothing else seems to matter. When concentration is at an all-time high, we can’t pay attention to any other issues.

“Flow is being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

I’ve experienced this myself many times. Whenever I performed a very detailed procedure at work, I completely immersed myself in it. On many occasions, I went to work anxious, tearful even, only to calm down while doing the thing that scared me in the first place. Pretty ironic.

Obviously, it’s not the object of the worry that makes me feel so fearful. It’s the pattern of toxic thinking that blows that object way out of proportion.

And when does this happen? In our free time. Whenever we don’t give our mind purpose, and we allow it to spiral into negative, stress-inducing thinking, our wiring for anxiety gets stronger. It becomes a habit.

“But I need my free time. Work stresses me out, I need to work less.”

The truth is, no amount of free time will make you feel better if you leave your mind to its own devices.

I have tested many combinations — I tried working less, fewer hours, fewer days in the week. It only brought minimal relief until I filled that free time with things that I enjoyed and required some effort: writing, gardening, cooking, hiking, etc.

How to replace “mindless” with “mindful”

Unstructured rest doesn’t work well for anxious people. We rest our bodies when we get tired, but it’s a different process when it comes to relaxing our minds: we either do it through meditation or a state of flow.

“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times — although such experiences can also be enjoyable if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” ― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

We must implement this state of “flow” in our free time as well. Our mind needs something to do that is interesting and challenging on some level. Examples of this are doing something creative like writing, painting, drawing; something technically challenging like playing an instrument, knitting, cooking; or something physically exerting: gardening, hiking, playing sports.

Put simply, old-fashioned activities that we’ve unfortunately replaced with technology. We’ve made everything easy and convenient. We consume instead of engaging.

We don’t make time for hobbies anymore, and it’s making us miserable.

Managing free moments while at work

Whenever I feel anxious at work, I crave distraction. The problem is I spend too much time on my phone, then feel guilty about it, which in turn fuels my anxiety.

To put an end to this cycle, I’ve tested filling up this idle time in a more meaningful way:

I carry a book with me that I’ve been meaning to read

I catch up on small tasks that I’ve been procrastinating since I know that procrastination is a huge trigger for anxiety

I organize my space

I engage in conversations with my colleagues

Whatever I do, I try not to give myself too much time alone with my thoughts when I know I’m in a negative state of mind. Focus is the best antidote for rumination.

However, if your anxiety during those free moments is causing you too much distress, you should deal with it head-on. Avoiding it will only make it worse. Take 30 minutes to yourself and try to find comfort in these things:

Breathe from your diaphragm

Acknowledge your emotions

Do a brain dump and write your worries in detail

Investigate your fears with “why” questions

Question your angst and reframe it

This process won’t entirely take your anxiety away, but it will help tremendously.

Designing your free time at home

Watching Netflix after a hard day at work is not only easy, it’s also fun. And we need it too. We need to give our minds a break every once in a while.

But there’s a difference between enjoying a show and watching endless hours of TV because you want to numb out pain or avoid something you’ve been procrastinating.

In those moments, you know you should be doing something else. And it’s eating away at you.

The answer to that annoying guilty feeling is doing something that matters to you. After all, it’s your free time. Whatever you choose to spend it on doesn’t have to be productive or meaningful to anyone else but you.

So figure out what would make you happy, or make a difference in your life, and start working on it. Don’t expect it to be easy. You’ve been conditioning yourself to reach out for effortless entertainment for so long, you’re going to have some push-back.