Your Political Discourse Needs A Safe-Word
By: Matthew Pettigrew
Tags: Politics, Humor, Elections, Polarization, Satire

Artwork by Matt Pettigrew at Digital Absurdist

Political discourse between consenting adults can be exotic and deeply satisfying; however, for newcomers to politics, it is best to talk with your partner about a safe-word before engaging in discourse.

Political safe-words let your partner know when the discourse is getting too rough or weird. Saying your safe-word in the middle of a discourse lets your partner know when to stop, or when to go back to regular, vanilla political discourse such as gentle back and forth between center-left and center-right positions.

Choosing the right safe-word is crucial. If you choose a word that is too commonly used in everyday politics, such as “Nazi,” “Stalinist,” “Hitler,” or “Crypto-Anarchist,” your partner may not realize that things have gotten too intense. In fact, using those everyday, common words may actually encourage your partner to discourse even harder, resulting in even more intense polarization than you bargained for.

For that reason, it’s best to choose uncommon safe-words like “Compromise,” “Humility,” and “Self-Reflection,” so that your partner can easily identify that something is definitely not right. To ensure partners don’t overlook genuine distress, some people advocate for using safe-phrases instead of safe-words, such as “I hadn’t thought of that before,” or “I recognize the validity of your side and will seek to better understand your ideas in the spirit of friendship.” Even the most chaotic and rigorous of discourses would be brought to a halt if such a safe-phrase was uttered.

Have you spoken to your partner about a political safe word?

Equipped with a solid safe-word or phrase, the world of political discourse is now open to you, more than any other time in history. Whereas our grandparents would have been socially shunned for openly discussing Universal Basic Income or Techno-Libertarianism, people these days are increasingly free to casually try discourse with a political partner, or multiple partners in what is known as a “political forum.”

Newcomers to this space are often tempted to explore the exotic world of role-playing, where one can masquerade online as a Post-Capitalism Anarchist while living day-to-day as a mid-manager at a car insurance company. With niche political discourses proliferating online, you can role-play just about anything these days from Bourgeois-Proletariat Marxist fantasies to Secular Liberalism-Populist Theocracy conflicts, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Poly-politicalism has a history in various religious traditions, where people experiment with supporting many seemingly competing stances at once. You could support Unregulated Campaign Finance while simultaneously entertaining Anti-Corruption positions, but maintaining multiple conflicting ideas may prove difficult. Whatever the case, it’s always best to research what you’re getting into before you engage, otherwise, you might find yourself in a chatroom being whipped by multiple strangers, while shouting safe-words to no avail.

Although the variety and sheer quantity of political discourses available may seem exciting at first, it is important to recognize that it can become overwhelming if precautions are not taken. And as always, please remember to talk to your kids about how to practice safe political discourse, otherwise, someone online will do it for you.