I am afraid to ask for money
By: Raichel White
Tags: Fear Of Failure, Life Lessons, Money Mindset, Clickfunnels, Money

Money is the root of evil and happiness, but in my life, I am afraid of it. I have experienced both. I grew up around money but was poor but never without a need. It was Grandma to the rescue every time my mom wasted money on a guy or shopping. Grandma was always there to bail her out. That is how I was raised, no matter how much I spent there was always an endless supply…

When I was 7 yrs old, my step-grandfather hated me so much, he used to tell my Grandmother that I am using her to get clothes and I am a brat and don’t deserve anything. Well, I listened to that till the day he died at 18. Eventually, I did turn into a spoiled brat and felt entitled, but I lived in hell too.

When I was 18 I had the mentality of a spoiled brat that I was just waiting for my Grandmother to die to get her inheritance and ya know what… I had to break that attitude and sold everything I owned except my car, packed my life up and drove back out to LA…

Told no one, just left… 3 days drive, slept in the car, oh man, was Texas a hard state to drive through, full 24 hours….

The plan was to stay with my best friend in Compton and be a backup singer in an old-timer group. I can’t sing worth shit but that was the plan. Well, that didn’t last but a few days, the family she stayed with, was great and I knew them from when I lived in LA but the wife never liked me and told me I need to leave, some stupid shit about being white.

So what then? nowhere to go, I called a friend but she was away filming a movie, so I had no money for an apartment, hotel, no job, just drove 3000 miles because I had to get my attitude out of my head and change my life…

So the next best thing, I drove to Santa Monica Mall, the only place I knew was safe and parked my car in the parking lot and went to sleep. The next day I went to the gym, took a shower and went applied for jobs. I got a job in Beverly Centre and slept in my car off Sunset Blvd in a strip mall, bought an alarm clock set it, went to sleep each night, woke up each morning, went to the gym, worked out and showered then off to work for the next three months until my friend got back from filming in which I then rented a room from her.

Mind you I still haven’t spoken to my family, they knew where I was and was Ok because my step-grandmother at that time reached out to me and I told her I had to do this. I had to break the cycle.

Well, that experience changed my life from being a spoiled princess to a broke get back on my feet down to earth human being and I will never take it back, if I never did that I don’t know where I would be today. I proved to myself that I can do anything I want to, I will find a way and no matter the situation just deal with it and do it.

I got myself back on my feet, I was working extra gigs, production work and still working at the mall and life was great… then stupidity hits me in the form of a boyfriend and who do I become… my mother.

Moved to Oregon, I let him take my money, my car, we were so broke, lived on rice and pancakes for a year… why because he was a drug addict and an abusive piece of shit and I put up with it like a moron because he broke me down so far that I believed that there is nothing better out there but him, and it took me three years, many broken bones to finally get the fuck out of there and never look back. (Ya know those scenes where the wife takes out the frying pan… I can tell ya it’s true, but I couldn’t do it)

Another life lesson, a very painful one but again another wrong path but I knew that shit would never happen again!

Money to me has caused more pain than pleasure, unfortunately, you need money to do anything in this world, I always was like money is the root of all evil. My Grandmother disowned me because I borrowed $200 from her and wasn’t able to pay her back by the time I would have had the money. I did have the money but, yes an excuse. I used it to go to the Dr. I had no insurance and I was sick and had to get medicine and it cost me $150. I offered her the $50 and she said no! so she disowned me. I think it was also the fact that I married a black man too, so she just used that as an excuse. When I was younger she would always tell me, she would disown me if I married a black man, but the funny thing is she always taught me to never be prejudiced by others. Is that an oxymoron?

So when I had money people were my friends, when I was broke they were gone. When I was broke people accuse you of stealing. When you quietly save up money and live life then your still a thief… I would do a makeup job and then it’s time to get paid… that was a very anxious time for me because way too many times, they didn’t want to pay me for the work I did. They figured they could get one over on me. and still, to this day, I am afraid to ask for money 30 years later.

So can you imagine the ups and downs with money and life I have lived…

Well, today Nov 14th, 2019 broke again, why because I am giving my expertise away for free because I am too afraid to ask for money for my worth and expertise, I have also been funding my daughter’s every whim because I am too much of a wuss to say no.

So as I keep trying new ventures with my new found love for funnels I made a plan to make 30k by my Birthday which is the last week of November. Well in 3 weeks, I put on a challenge, teaching about three funnels that every business needs and how to get repeat business.

I didn’t put in all the prework that I was supposed to, got sidetracked (well stuck in my head to do everything else except what I needed to do which was to make connections, plus It is really hard to put myself out there on social media)… lol like what I am doing now is huge freaking like a breakthrough because I know getting out of my comfort zone of hiding behind a computer and being invisible is my 2nd biggest problem with myself so I am just fucking do it and don’t give a shit. This is for me to move forward in life!

I didn’t do what I hoped, one sale, but I also didn’t picture what I wanted either. I just hoped and prayed. When I was younger I could vision stuff in my head and it would come true, I have lost that ability, it kinda got stuffed out of me by negative people and I need to figure out how to get those visions back in my life.

It was still a huge accomplishment for me before I found Clickfunnels and my mentor, I was hopelessly lost wanting a way to make my five years plan a reality. I wasn’t on social media, I posted maybe every blue moon for family, hid behind the computer, felt invisible to the world, could barely speak a sentence because I was so quiet, when I did speak people brushed me off like I had no opinion or voice but then someone else will implement my suggestions as their own. So I just shut down into myself. So for me to get on Facebook Live and do a three-day challenge is fucking huge accomplishment.

Sorry about all the cussing, but I did grow up around 4 older brothers :)

As I was having a great day today, I got blindsided by someone today and I asked my mentor “what skills do I need to have a profitable business online?” I was told I am not resourceful enough and I don’t want it bad enough and that kinda pissed me off because I am making great strides but I am also making more slides backward too… like this stupid head game I have with myself, I felt guilty for sending a proposal out for work that I should be getting $10–20k for and only asking $1,500.

So in a no holds barred deep talk with my mentor she realized that I have a money block. I know when I am broke I have self-worth doubts and feel like a failure. When I have money I feel like I can conquer the world.

I have never spoken about my life in detail to anyone, especially about money. even when I had $$$$$$ in the bank. I heard another coach in Clickfunnels talk about his blocks and money was one of them, we had so many things in common and he is so amazing now, I would of never of known if he didn’t tell his story. He said, “publishing every day changed his life” which I tried and failed to be consistent.

So, one of my other biggest blocks is talking to people and getting the right words out. It’s all in my head but comes out of my mouth garbled and I sound like a freaking moron even though I know my shit. So I figure I need to tell my story, get it out there and overcome my self worth issues and stop giving away my value for free because I am too afraid to perceive myself as valuable.

I am freaking valuable. I can fix your tech problems, I can create a kickass funnel and offer. I can figure out problems that will arise in the future and teach you how to do things for yourself.

I am a money magnet from this point on… November 14th

I am going to make new connections with people every day and not have knots in my stomach

I am going to speak in front of people without sounding like an idiot

I am going to make 10k by my birthday in 10 days

I believe in myself

I am valuable