If You’re Feeling Lost, Read This
By: Katie Sheps
Tags: Personal, Humanity, Self Improvement, Career Paths, Life

Heads up, I have no clue what I am doing in life. After graduating with a degree in Biology I had a vague plan for the following year or two, which I fulfilled with temp jobs and travel. But then I started ‘going with the flow’ and ever since I feel like I’ve been bobbing along in a yellow-ring doughnut round a cyclical lazy river. I kind of feel like I need to get off now, but there’s one big problem.

I have no idea where to go next.

I had hoped that by spending some time doing the gap year thing that I would gain some more valuable experience in marine biology and I’d figure out my route from there. As I learnt first-hand about the marine conservation world, I wasn’t so keen to keep going. That’s one thing crossed off the plethora of jobs out there… where now?

I have multiple interests and have always been a bit of a jack of all trades. The downside is that I’m a master of none: I’ve dabbled in a variety of creative passions and have often taken the first job I’ve found so that I can earn some travel money. These experiences have provided me with faint ticks and crosses against what I enjoy versus what gives me the ‘Sunday evening feeling’… even so, I’m only marginally closer to an answer.

The thing about this sense of feeling lost is that it’s very lonely. I am in this position due to my circumstances. When I look around at my friends who are on a certain step of the career ladder, I envy them. I envy them because to me they don’t feel that sense of being lost. But that is just my perception.

The other day I was catching up with one of those friends who I perceive to ‘have their shit together’. I opened up that I had been experiencing a “mini career freakout” recently.

To which she said: “regularly scheduled freakouts just show you’re still sane”.

When I take a global look at my friends I have learnt that many of my older friends haven’t found their ‘thing’ until their early 30’s. That is quite comforting for my 24-year-old self. But age isn’t a number and the feeling of being lost or unsure will probably creep in even when you feel you’re on the right track.

If I think about conversations I’ve had with friends whom I perceive as ‘having their shit together’, they do mention their uncertainty; they don’t plan to stay with a certain company, they don’t know where to take their career next, they think they want to pack it all in and travel one day.

My friend is right. It’s human to have “regularly scheduled freakouts”. At times we probably all have that little niggle of questioning in our minds. We all have an inner critic who maintains some air of self-doubt. I guess it’s how we deal with it that counts.

Over the past few weeks, I have found a few methods that have helped me to lessen that overwhelming sense of wonder and worry. I definitely don’t have the formula for you and I know I haven’t completely shaken off this feeling of being ‘lost’ just yet but maybe some of these things will come in useful for you as they have for me.

Establishing a weekly review day

I decided that rather than spending an indefinite amount of time worrying, it would be better to schedule this into a more constructive weekly habit.

I had some idea of the kinds of skills I want to work on and some small goals that I wanted to achieve so those are what I am working towards. Each Sunday, I will take a look at the week; I conclude what I did well and assess where I could improve. That way I can make sure I am achieving something weekly and keeping on track with my skills and goals. I can also keep checking in to see if my motivations remain the same. If not, then I can consider taking a different approach.

This is also the day where I can check out the job market; what’s available, what are they looking for and how could I potentially develop those skills. Who knows, sometimes I’ll even shoot out a job or internship application on the Sunday review day.

Opening up about your feelings

Often I do hold off revealing any feelings of being lost because I have just discovered a new temporary pathway that excites me. In that case, when asked what I’m doing I bat away the question baseball with a weak answer, which I may or may not take to first base before batting out completely. And the funny thing is that the next time that friend asks the same question a few months later the pathway will more than likely have changed. It can be a tad embarrassing at times.

Whilst writing this I had a call from one friend who I perceive as having her life together. She was actually applying for jobs, feeling a state of being lost herself. I opened up about what I’ve been feeling recently, as did she, and it’s actually more comforting to know that we’re in similar boats. I’ve found the accountability and supportive nature of some of my friendships have spurred me on even when the motivation fades a little.

Treating yourself with compassion

Now, you might find this point to be a little flowery and weak, but hear me out. I’ve been exploring my own world, partly with the assistance of therapy, and I’ve come to realise that I am quite critical of myself. This inner critic can be particularly harsh when I find myself in these periods of feeling ‘lost’. During one of my sessions, my therapist suggested that I look into self-compassion, a concept that I have come to love.

Self-compassion is “not a way of judging ourselves positively, it is a way of relating to ourselves kindly” as Professor Kristin Neff puts it. The premise is to treat yourself as you would treat a good friend. And the research proves that people who practise self-compassion have greater motivation; a necessity for finding a pathway through difficult times. Not only that, but self-compassionate people are also more likely to “engage in health-promoting behaviours” (healthy eating, regular exercise and sleeping well).

Although it may feel advantageous to beat ourselves up when things go wrong, it seems that can actually negatively affect our resilience. Hence, I am now working on practising self-compassion, especially when those feelings of being lost creep in. I find I am much more positive when I am compassionate to myself (self-kindness), whilst also being aware that I am not alone in what I feel (common humanity). These practices along with mindfulness add up to the full spectrum of self-compassion. I truly believe that this practice could be beneficial for everyone — lost or not.