How to Not Write a Good Article
By: Daniel Silva
Tags: Writing Tips, Writing, Humor, Writers On Writing

Skip the intro

If this article was to follow its purpose, it would already be a failure of a bad article.

The intro’s purpose is to contextualize the information you’re about to explain in the article. If you only want to tackle the issue without prior notice, just skip the intro and immediately start confusing your readers.

Write long and confusing sentences

A paragraph should contain an idea and that idea should be introduced in the last sentence of the paragraph before the one where the idea is being explained serving that sentence as a bridge between the ideas of each paragraph otherwise you’ll just fail to grasp the readers’ attention deeming an entire paragraph or even the whole article confusing and ineffective. Got it?

Simplify as much as possible

On the other side of the spectrum, you can just simplify as much as you can.

Be extremely direct and say nothing but the necessary.

If possible, just use one sentence at a time. Nevermind condescension.

Readers might feel disrespected, but what matters is, to say the least possible.

Don’t address the theme

This is a classic and it is usually linked to clickbait. The premise is simple, just mention a theme you want to talk about and avoid it at all costs. For example, you want to write an article about how no waste companies can save the world, just make sure you talk about politics and taxes instead and don’t address the positive impact of circular economies on the environment.

Sell at all costs

Just forget how your customers can benefit from your products and definitely don’t write a compelling and relatable story regarding your brand. Remember, all that matters is the sales numbers, so just talk about the product and sell it as much as you can!

Write to impress and not to inform

You, in the copywriter status, must always look to compose an over-elaborate and excessively formal digitally written work. It is of utmost importance to never confuse the written piece as a colloquial and everyday dialogue.

Recollect that you are the creator of a prestigious piece of knowledge that readers should be thankful to have access to. Following a conversational tone would only make the readers grasp an intellectual or affective bond with you, the author, which could enable possible actions of a transactional nature.

Include irrelevant links

Linking to other pieces you’ve written or to sources that sustain your claims can be a relevant weapon at your disposal. But remember, this is a guide on how to not write a good article!

What you’re looking for is to include irrelevant links in your article to pages that have nothing to do with the theme you’re talking about. This will ensure a bad reading experience and will definitely harm your SEO.

Use low-quality images

Instead of looking for good quality images on stock photo websites, or paying a professional to do a proper photoshoot of your products, just go full holistic business entrepreneur and use the pictures you’ve taken with your 8MB smartphone camera with no stabilizer. The readers might even appreciate the fidelity.

Don’t proofread

The atricle is finaly finshd? Good, so go ahead and press Pulbish.

The time you wuld waste on reviewing the ful piece all over again can be used to work on the next artilce you were already thinking abbout.

Never forget, qauntity over quality. So just pruduce more and don’t wste time on perfectin whats alredy done and gone.

Finish abruptly without no conclusion.