Are you willing to be part of someone else’s solution or willing to walk away so that they can find…
Tags: Helping Others, Self Discovery, Choices Matter, Freeze Tag, Fight Or Flight

Are you willing to be part of someone else’s solution or willing to walk away so that they can find their own way? That was the ultimate question I was faced with this week as I patiently tested my nerves against my hardening will in a professional environment that was growing old fast before it was ever really given a chance to bloom.

That fight or flight response is so innate. It’s so real. So raw and ravishing in its ability to drive one’s choices. However I submit to you that the freeze response is even more powerful and left unchecked, truly debilitating.

My experiences in life , now as a middle aged woman are my scars and my trophies. They are badges of both honor and shame yet as a life long learner, I believe they do not define me or limit me but rather shape me , outline me, frame me and yes give me volumes of perspective. However, my experiences are the fires I have lived through and the glory moments I have sung about that are best served in advocacy, connectivity and team perspectives so that mutual progress for a greater good that can be obtained.

Key moments in life are etched forever in my psyche- the explosion of the Challenger Space Shuttle, Princess Diana ‘s sudden death and worldwide reaction, the OJ Simpson trial and verdict, The tragedies of the Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11 Terrorist Attacks , Sandy Hook School Shooting, The Swine Flu Outbreak, and now the COVID-19 endemic. You may wonder how some so significant are counted among some others may find less than in importance or impact but for me these rank among those searing moments where time just stood still. The list is far from inclusive. They also mark a trajectory of moments in my life where I took time to reevaluate what the heck I personally was doing with my life.

A moment, days, weeks, a full year that I thought deeply on where I was and what I needed not wanted and how my own life experiences would help me fulfill that need. I always turned to two things- faith and family. Faith in a higher power and succumbing to the belief that I was walking through a life here on earth which God intended and really I needed to hand those reins over to HIM and family, ( spouse, children , friends , immediate family) who were always there no matter what and loved me and forgave me and wanted the best for me at their core as I did the same for them.

So the question that I pondered was always in the professional realm not personally. Corporate , Entertainment , Medical, Education, and Self Employment all were fair game. I always felt that pull to Fight, Flee or acquiesce to the dreaded Freeze.

I can tell you that in all cases where I was not in direct control, I chose to Flee. When I had control, I chose to Fight. Never would I Freeze.

In fleeing and removing myself, I watched as others took their turn at bat and some rose to to the challenge and others went down in misery. When I fought, I fought with my life and everything I had on the line and sometimes I soared and many times I failed.

However, I never could be the tool for someone else’s path to learning. Not if that person didn’t put in the work themselves. Not as a parent, a spouse and certainly not in any business arrangement. I only asked for what I was capable and willing to give in return and many times over in fact. However, I found that when faced with that question of walking away or being part of the solution it was always shaped by an experience and history both mine and the counterpart of the not so theoretical equation.

If the freeze was in play, I was out.

So my message in writing tonight is to be wary of the freeze. Recognize it in yourself and others and decide how best to combat it. It is a beast of a demon and one we most ignore yet one that sneaks up and completely takes over .

For me, I’ve decided that I don’t work with the freeze. I know I fight or flee. I accept that. I never look back except to say thank you for the gifts I learned along the way, the challenges that made me stronger and the memories etched in my heart even if my head is out the door or I’m dug deep in my trench as warriors will be.

It’s not the most stable of patterns but it’s heartfelt, sincere and honest. I’m a transparent person who decries bullshit on the inflation of manufactured success.

Life is too short. Those pivotal moments I mentioned reminded us collectively of that not to mention my own personal stories, just as each and every one of you have.

So if you’re like me.. The next time you’re faced with that question- you already know how to breakdowns your pros and cons to get to your strategy. If you are a freezer then it’s likely you’re the reason I was posing the question in the first place. However, I believe all freezers have it in them to run and operate effectively and efficiently; sometimes it just takes the fighter or someone prone to fleeing to get out of your way and lead by example instead of dragging you but cheering you on from a distance as you find your own way forward, backwards and sideways on this Rollercoaster of life.