Lessons Learned In The Shittiest Year Of All Time
By: Kayla Matisi
Tags: Lessons Learned, 2020, Self Improvement, Gratitude, Personal Development

Lessons Learned In The Shittiest Year Of All Time

Jason Hogan via Unsplash

2020 has been a year like no other. That is a glaringly obvious understatement. With the new year coming faster than we could have ever hoped for. It’s time for some self-reflection. To look back on the year that has been, to look at the lessons learned, and to explode into the new year bigger and more improved than ever.

These are the 10 lessons I have learnt this year. At the start of this year, I know I wasn’t the only one who thought they were already improved from the last. But I don’t think anyone was prepared for what 2020 would deliver. I’ve learnt so much about the world, about my loved ones and society in general. I will bet at least $10 that you will be able to resonate with at least one of these.

Believe anything is possible.

At the start of this year, you would not have thought that a pandemic was going to be the thing that stopped the world. Terrorist attacks? Maybe. But not an uncontrollable illness that has affected every single person across the entire world.

As horrible as coronavirus has been, it has opened my eyes to the possibilities in life. If our sense of what is normal can completely change across the whole of society, then what else is possible?! For me, it was believing that I could actually start my blog and have it be a working side hustle. Before this year I would have thought that it was never going to be anything more than a hobby.

Another more real and almost unbelievable example is how the hole in the ozone layer magically, repaired itself. Many speculate that this was due to lockdown situations around the world, reducing the amount of air pollution. While the European Centre for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts released more reasonable statements that the repair was “caused by an unusually strong and long-lived polar vortex” (@CopernicusECMWF on Twitter). I don’t even know what that means, but either way the cause is irrelevant, it was still a bizarre phenomenon, that even scientists wouldn’t have thought possible.

Mindset is everything.

Your perspective of negative situations can completely change how you feel about it. The famous quote from Buddhist teachings of “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional” is super valid in this context. Choosing to see the glass has half full not only relinquishes your suffering but also is scientifically shown to improve wellbeing and mental resilience.

Working in the field of mental health has opened my eyes to how much easier it is to say “try be positive” then it is to actually do so. Rome wasn’t built in a day, all you have to do is just think of one positive thing per day.

Even something so simple as realising that waking up in the morning is another opportunity to reach your goals, to improve yourself or to do something you love. Is all you need in order to shift your mindset. The proof is in the first lesson, anything is possible.

If you are able to look on the bright side of things, you will remain a much more positive and optimistic person. Which brings me to my next lesson…

Everything happens for a reason.

I consider myself very lucky this year, why? Because going through the motions of 2020 has made me a better person. I’m sure when you think about the miserable and hard times you’ve been through, aren’t you proud that you got through them? Sometimes it’s easy to forget to congratulate yourself. Pain doesn’t break us, it makes us into who we are supposed to be. Be grateful for your short comings, be grateful for the pain and you will find that it won’t affect you to the same extent anymore.

Learn to take advantage and see the positives in shitty situations.

I don’t think anyone would have been able to guess that our new normal for most of our working lives consisted of either not working, or working from home.

Many people who have been stood down from their jobs and all of a sudden had a lot more free time. I know I definitely saved time and money on my usual commute to and from work and university. I also used the abundance of free time to write and learn.

A friend of mine began making absolute bank, picking up a side job while she was stood down from her other job.

Another acquaintance moved his retail store to online only, which saved him a ridiculous amount of money from not having to pay rent anymore. And his business sky-rocketed because of the amount of online shopping taking place.

Work hard, keep learning and you will be rewarded (eventually).

Instant gratification has become a drug that most young adults are addicted to.

However, the people who will truly succeed are the ones that persist beyond the daily likes and follows. The ones who (no matter what) keep pushing themselves and their work, even if they receive nothing for it (in the beginning).

We’re often told that success doesn’t happen overnight. However, more people and their stories, are going viral. Which makes it appear like they haven’t been working every day for the past months or years, trying to go viral.

We are quick to discredit those people, but at the same time, are waiting for the same thing to happen to us.

No, success doesn’t happen overnight but it will eventually happen over one night and you should consistently keep working towards that.

Actions don’t necessarily speak larger than words when a pandemic is underway.

Everyone has struggled this year, whether you want to admit it or not. You may be the first person to agree that if someone doesn’t make enough effort with you, then perhaps don’t deserve your time or your efforts. I’m speaking more in terms of friendships rather than relationships. So this isn’t an opportunity to excuse the current-person-you’re-interested-in’s lack of effort.

I mean more like if you’re in the mind frame that your friends haven’t been putting in enough effort with you, where in previous years they have. This year has shown the worst of a lot of people. This comes down to the pressure and uncertainty that this year has brought. So you need to cut people some slack. Have some empathy. Know that everyone has struggled this year and don’t be so quick to judge someone, especially people that you have known for a while. Because you wouldn’t want people to judge you when you’re are experiencing the worst year of your life. All within reason of course.

Which is a nice seg-way into…

Be kind and love yourself.

You need to be kind. Kind to others and kind to yourself. When we spread love, you will receive the same in return. You could make someone’s day a little bit better by just being kind to them. One of my favourite quotes from Oscar Wilde is “We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars”. Some people struggle to see the stars, and it could be you that helps them see the light. You will find that you will receive all the feel-good chemicals by doing something for someone else. It can be a nice distraction for yourself too.

Self-care is often muttered among times like this but self-love is often forgotten. Remembering that this was a tough year for everyone, and you have done the best that you could. This is a simple thought that can allow you to start the new year fresh. When you stay kind to yourself and others, you can look back at the past year with pride.

We are lucky to have social media.

Especially when we are physically not allowed to see our loved ones! We are lucky to have contact in so many other ways, with even less effort. You can send a quick message to see how your friends are doing, you could call your family. You could comment on someone’s photo to let them know you’re thinking about them.

Social media makes it so much easier to keep in touch. If this pandemic happened any earlier, in years where maybe we didn’t have cell phones. Imagine how much harder that would have been. Regardless of all the negative things people have to say about the dark-side of social media, there is also so much good that we forget.

This is your reminder to pick up your phone and message or call someone you love. You have all the opportunities, it’s up to you to take them.

Keep the channels of communication open.

Talk, talk, talk. Talking is the best form of therapy. Much like writing, talking allows you to process your feelings and thoughts. Being able to let out how you’re feeling can do so many things for your mental health. You’ll be able to understand why you’re feeling the way that you feel. It helps you escape your thoughts and allows you to realise that maybe your mind is playing tricks on you.

I’ll give you an example. When the state that I live in got put into strict lockdown, I wasn’t allowed to see my partner. One of those nights, one of my housemates and his girlfriend were making a tonne of noise while I was trying to sleep (it wasn’t even that late at night). I woke up the next day resentful and frustrated. But what I realised after talking about it, was that I wasn’t angry at said housemate, I was angry because I was in fact not allowed to go see my partner, and he was (what sounded like) having all the fun with his partner. I was angry because I missed my boyfriend and just offloaded that onto someone else.

When I realised this, all of a sudden I had the clarity and awareness to accept that my not being able to see my partner, was out of my control. It wasn’t my housemates fault. I couldn’t blame him because in hindsight he wasn’t able to see his family. So we all had to make sacrifices and we were all trying to get through it the best we could.

Anger is often impulsive, and we can automatically direct it towards other people or things as a coping mechanism in order to make ourselves feel better, because that’s a whole lot easier than dealing with feelings of sadness.

Change is good.

Change can make you doubt everything that you’ve previously known and change can bring on fears of uncertainty, fear and doubt. However, change can bring on some of the most exciting opportunities of your life. The key word there is ‘opportunities’. Anything you don’t like about your life (we all have our things) you have the opportunity to change.

I’d like to take this opportunity to mention the Black Lives Matter movement. It’s among the things that I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t have thought possible, the journey towards eradicating racism. Having uncomfortable conversations with a black man named Emmanuel Acho. Learning about racial injustice, white privilege and educating yourself to ensure you are doing your part to contribute to racial reconciliation and equality. This was a change in our society that evoked fear, shame and anxiety in a lot of people. But a change that is not only good but necessary.

Through opinions, beliefs and behaviours being changed, we have seen different cultures and races stand together. We have seen unity grow stronger between people, regardless of skin colour. There’s still a long way to go, but the change has started.

In sum…

These lessons are not necessarily new. I’m sure my mum has been saying shit like this for years. But they’ve definitely been thrown in my face this year. I am grateful for being able to reflect and recognise on all the good that has happened in a very bad year. I hope these lessons resonate with you and bring forward some positivity and gratitude in your life.

Just like we will remember 2020 as the year of the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement, and the Australian fires. We will also remember these life lessons that came along with it.