Why Should Women Feel Guilty About Not Being in the Mood?
By: Christine Stevens
Tags: Sex, Reltionships, Sexuality, Dating, Humor

Why Should Women Feel Guilty About Not Being in the Mood?

And why do males act microaggressively to females who rebuff their advances?

Alright, anybody who knows me can vouch for this — I am pretty much DTF most of the time.

But like anybody, there are nights when I’m tired or having PMS and the idea of you fucking me, dude, is just anathema to my personal well-being.

Nothing personal.

Yes, I know you are super sexy. Yes, I know you do a million push-ups a day and you are totally cut and your guns are enormous and your six-pack abs are up to seven last time I counted. It’s not you, it’s me.

But since you are giving me that face and you look like you’re very disappointed, and you’re kinda waiting for me to give you the mercy jerk-off, I would like to investigate this issue, if I may.

Why exactly am I the bad guy here? All I wanted was to be left alone (please say that line to yourself in a Garbo accent, reader).

Men like to sulk

And not just when they don’t get sex. When they don’t get anything they want, they sulk. They really do.

I blame their mothers. Somewhere back in their childhood, they got the idea that someone actually gave a shit about their pouty little face.

Nobody gives a shit about your pouty little face, dude, so turn that frown upside down, let’s make some popcorn and watch Queen’s Gambit. There’s more to life than your need to ejaculate.

No, I’m not kidding. I’m not going to jerk you off.

But why, then, do I feel guilty?

Yes, the male is being microaggressive, but it takes two to play this game, and I do my part dutifully by letting my “fear of abandonment” take control of me.

Just as men were taught that their sulking matters, girls in childhood pretty quickly learn that men leave.

Men all over the world in every city and town and village, have excelled in this one sport — leaving.

The art of taking off has been perfected by them. The act of dumping women has been made into a national sport. Back in the day, there were a million songs about this talent of men. “I’m a ramblin’ man. Gotta ramble on. See ya.”

And we women are left there with faces agog, going, “What did I do wrong?”

This nightmarish scenario flashes through our heads when men pull the microaggressive sulk routine after we refuse to jerk them off.

“What if he dumps me because I wasn’t sexy enough?”

Get over your fear of abandonment!

If a guy dumps you because you don’t jerk him off whenever he wants you to, you haven’t lost much, trust me. The best way to not listen to those voices that scare you and make you feel that you need to be inauthentic and people-pleasing when it comes to sex is to remember your rights. America has a Constitution. Yeah, he has the right to pursue happiness by trying to fuck you. And you have the right to pursue it by saying no.

Some reminders to help you feel confident in saying no

Know that even if they leave, you will be fine. You are self-sufficient and have made it this far in life, so you’re not going to collapse if he runs.

Know that it is your right to refuse sex. Any time you want to. Yes, you will do your best to be a good sexual partner, but not at the expense of your own well being. When you’re not in the mood, you’re allowed to say no. It’s OK!

Know that he’s being a baby, and when his more grown-up self re-emerges he won’t hold it against you. Trust in his personal development as much as you trust in your own. We’re all pilgrims in this land, learning as we go, and hopefully getting better.

Go ahead and apologize, without being weak about it. “Sorry dude, not gonna happen tonight, wish I could, but I can’t. What’s on TV?”

Don’t give his sulking any weight. The poor attention the child gets, the more he will sulk. So yes, you have to pretend to ignore it. And then later, after he’s done sulking, let him know that it’s not OK for him to pull those babyish sulk routines. You expect him to act like more of a grown up. (Or course, if you are prone to divaish tantrums and unhinged rants like I am, you should be ready for some counter-punches when he reminds you of these less-than-adult behaviors!)

Don’t rely on alcohol to put you in the mood

This can be a real trap for women. They don’t want to fuck so they get drunk. Now they still don’t want to fuck but they’re too drunk to know what the hell they want, so they end up fucking and staring at the ceiling hoping that it will stop spinning soon.

Don’t sulk when he isn’t DTF either!

Yes, we women can be pretty immature about not getting some when we want some. “Darn, I was really in the mood and I put on my pretty underwear. No fair!”

Yes, the guys can be too tired sometimes. Rarely, but it happens, I admit it. And I don’t like it, either.

We have to remind ourselves to not take his rejection like a rejection. It’s just a temporary thing. It doesn’t mean he’s never going to want us again.

Desire is a magical thing — it always comes back

So even though you don’t want him now, assure him that you will want him again, and very soon.

Remind him that what you feel for him is not subject to the whims of time.

It doesn’t alter when it alteration finds!

But sometimes, it just wants to rest in quiescence.

Some advice for men whose advances have been rebuffed

Use your words. “Darn, that’s disappointing,” is a lot better than slamming doors or storming around or pouting.

Use your grown-up voice. Using a babyish, “Come on, please!” is going to make her even less in the mood. We want to fuck men, not toddlers.

Use your big boy brain. Think it through. It doesn’t mean what your little boy brain is telling you it means. In fact, it means nothing at all — just like she said, she’s not in the mood.

Use your hand. If she’s cool with it, go ahead and jerk off right there in front of her. If that disgusts her right now, use the bathroom. Relieve the pressure if you must. Love yourself!

Remember that you, too, are worthy. You don’t need to get fucked to prove that you’re worthy. You’re OK. She will want to fuck you tomorrow, or the next day. Chill, dude.

Levity is good, people. Women, make a joke out of your “not in the mood-ness.” Make a joke out of his microaggressive sulking. Make a joke out of the human condition. Guys, lighten up, too.

Don’t get hung up on these issues. They kill relationships, but they don’t have to. We just have to assert our power as capable, evolving humans and get past these hurdles, because that’s what they are — little hurdles, not insurmountable mountains.

This too shall pass. So don’t have a fight about it.

Maybe all you both need is a good night’s sleep!