The Boyfriend and the Boy Best Friend
By: Sapna Sharma
Tags: Best Friends, Dr Sapna Sharma, Counseling, Relationship, Motivational

Almost every girl who is in a committed relationship with her boyfriend has a very close association with at least one another guy whom she claims to be her best friend. She spends almost equal time with the friend as she spends with her guy. Almost every message and photo that she sends to her boyfriend finds its way to the inbox of the friend and of course, he is the ‘go-to person’ at the first sign of discord with the boyfriend.

Interestingly, most girls respond with anger when the boyfriend objects to her close proximity with another boy. Immediately he is made to feel that he is from medieval times and against women’s freedom and equality.

Unfortunately, in many of these cases, as the relationship with the boyfriend becomes kind of old, the source of excitement and feel-good comes more and more from the friend and in case of break up the friend is obviously the rebound to get into a relationship with. Sadder is the fact that some girls get physically intimate with this friend even while in a relationship with their boyfriend.

And worse is when this happens in a marriage.

Where are we heading in the name of freedom, gender equality, and empowerment? It looks like we are using all these words to serve our intentions or ill intentions if I may so say.

What is important here to understand is that male and female are created by nature with a clear purpose to procreate. For this purpose, they need to be attracted towards each other and that is how the system works. If we spend a lot of time with a person of opposite sex, the attraction is bound to happen. Given the current expectation of freedom by the youth, the natural boundaries that prevented too much association with the members of the opposite sex have withered out. Add to that the unhindered access to the digital media chat sites. Why is it so difficult to understand that too much sharing makes us feel attached to anyone and conversion of that attachment to attraction is very easy.

Today everyone seems to be looking for excitement and thrill in a relationship. The fluttery feeling that starts a relationship does not last long. Unfortunately, if we are not too aware, that is when the nice feeling with a third person starts filling in the gaps. Our inability to distinguish between what is love and what is attraction is definitely not helping.

Relationships once formed need to be nurtured. It is not all about the fluttery feeling, gifts and the evening out. After the initial fever, time needs to be invested in exploring each other, finding common grounds, sharing hobbies, talking and encouraging each other to grow.

If one cannot be best friends with the boyfriend or girlfriend and you need someone else to fill the gap, what kind of relationship are we into anyway?

Continuously looking for thrill is adding a third angle to the equation of a two-person intimate relationship. Can we become little aware and not go against the rules of nature, just to avoid creating relationship mess around us?

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with me for Relationship Counselling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.