7 Reasons You Should Be Looking At Kink for Better Sex.
By: David Shorb
Tags: Sexuality, Life, Culture, Sex, BDSM

7 Reasons You Should Be Looking At Kink for Better Sex.

And one reason you shouldn’t.

Image by Shibari Kinbaku from Pixabay

So how do you know if you should explore something that might be considered kinky?

Well, there isn’t any real answer to that question. However, we can explore a few reasons why you might what to look a little deeper in to the world of BDSM and kink.

BDSM isn’t just one thing. It’s a diverse community of people that explore not only sex and sexuality. But also relationships and relational dynamics. Not everyone that is into kink is in it for the sex. Some are into it for the community or want to explore the darker aspects of themselves.

Some people just really love rope, or impact play, or feet, or any number of other things that turn people on and get them excited about what’s going to happen next.

I thought it might be helpful to come up with ten reasons you should be looking at BDSM and kink for better sex.

1. Kinky sex is exciting.

Kinky sex can bring an element of excitement that might have been missing. A little rope, a blindfold, some candle wax. It can bring a burst of color into what might have become pretty black and white sex. We all get into a rut and bringing something new to the bedroom might just be what makes it exciting again. You don’t even have to buy anything to do it. A silk tie you already own, and some imagination and you have everything you need to spice things up.

2. BDSM is about more than sex

One of the things I find so interesting about BDSM and kink is that it isn’t always about the sex. The amount of diversity in relational dynamics is really fascinating to me. You have everything from TPE (Total Power Exchange), to swingers, to people that enjoy being single and just having someone when they want it.

You have the exploration of gender roles, both traditional and nontraditional. The Top/bottom and Dom/sub dynamics and how they play into a person’s kink is really interesting to me. You have people that enjoy being flogged, but couldn’t care less about having an orgasm. It’s an interesting way to explore your relationships and how they relate to you.

3. BDSM will help you understand your sexuality better.

In today’s world, it amazes me that more people don’t understand their sexuality. They don’t really know what does and doesn’t turn them on. They accept the socially acceptable defaults and don’t explore their wants and needs.

They just go through life thinking that they work one way when really they have some needs and wants that run a little darker. Maybe they enjoy being tied up, or maybe they enjoy the feeling of being spanked. Maybe the idea of needle play gets them excited. Only they don’t know any of this because they haven’t taken the time to explore their sexuality. Because we have a society that doesn’t encourage that sort of thing.

Kink and BDSM will help you explore your sexuality and help you understand yourself better. I mean isn’t the idea of spicing up the bedroom to have better sex? So, why wouldn’t you want to explore that those things you’ve always wanted to try out.

4. Everything’s better with friends.

The kink and BDSM community is one that has a diversity of people from any number of backgrounds. If you really start to get into kink, you might just start to venture into the community at large. Munches, play parties, conventions and social networks.

The community of people into kink and BDSM is vast and everyone has their own ideas. So going by the saying, your kink isn’t my kink, and that’s ok, would be a good idea.

Having people who are more experienced helping you understand how to do impact play right, or how to tie someone up correctly, is very important to making sure you don’t hurt your partners in the wrong way.

5. Spanking can be fun!

Impact play can be very cathartic. When it’s done right. It can help you release emotions you didn’t realize you’d been holding back. Again, when it’s done right. It releases endorphins and gets you into that nice floaty space known as subspace. Sex is supposed to feel good, and impact play can feel very good when it’s done right. I keep repeating that part because it can absolutely be done wrong, and that just leaves everyone either feeling bad, or someone is taking a trip to the hospital.

There’s a reason this in the top five kinks. Of the 400 people that took part in the 2018 survey by the Sex Expo. A full 33.6 percent admitted to having first tried it between the ages of 21 and 29. There was also another 7.7 percent that stated they’d never tried it, but would be open to it.

There are websites that focus only on spanking, and it’s a very common theme in kink and BDSM. So you might want to think about giving it a try.

6. Sometimes it’s good to not be in control.

Power exchange features as what I would consider the number one aspect to kink and BDSM that everyone wants to take part in. Either you’re taking control, or you’re giving it up to someone.

It’s also the most misunderstood part of BDSM. You’d be surprised by the number of lawyers, doctors, and other high demand professionals that take part in power exchange. More often than not, they are in the submissive role. Because it allows them to just let go during that time they are in service.

Letting go of control can be very helpful with stress relief. So it’s understandable that people find it so attractive. In a world that is demanding more and more all the time. Being able to disconnect and let someone else be in charge can help with getting some balance back.

On the flip side, some people want to have control. Some people find it reassuring to have control. To know exactly what’s going to happen, that your submissive will follow your instructions. To not have to worry about what you’re coming home to can be a stress reliever all by itself.

7. Roleplaying isn’t just for Cosplay.

There’s a good reason this is in the top five fantasies for people. Because it allows you to be someone else. To explore other aspects of yourself and to live out a fantasy you otherwise wouldn’t be able to do in your daily life.

Be seduced by the sexy nurse, or seduce the sexy secretary. Be the Doctor that examines the patient and maybe seduces them. Be the damsel in distress saved by the white knight and rewards him with some sexy time. The possibilities are endless.

Role play can really spice things up, bring something new to the table. Maybe let you explore something you might not have been able to do so otherwise.

The one reason you shouldn’t.

There is one reason you shouldn’t be looking at kink and BDSM. It’s a fairly simple reason. The reason is that you can’t use kink and BDSM to save a relationship that is already falling apart.

It’s one thing to introduce BDSM to spice up a bedroom that might be going a little stale. It’s another to use it to keep someone in a relationship that needs to end. Kink, and BDSM is predicated on consent by all the people involved. Even in scenes like consensual non-consent. Consent is the primary focus.

Trying to make someone take part in something they don’t want to be part of isn’t fun for anyone. Everyone should want to be there and want to take part in whatever scene that will be played out. The end result will be resentment and the exact thing you were trying to avoid in the first place.