Top reasons why your money habits are keeping you single
By: Kayus Fernander
Tags: Dating Advice, Budget, Happiness, Love, Dating

It turns out that your credit score matters. Here’s what you can do about it.

Photo by Jose Escobar on Unsplash

You see that person across the room. You share quick glances, each of you trying to avoid the awkwardness of lingering eye contact. This goes on for a short while until someone builds up the courage to approach.

Small talk is going well, a smile turns into a laugh. A sense of easiness has taken over, although those good kinda butterflies are still flapping around in your chest. This could be the one!

Now you’re sitting across from each other on your first date, and you continue to charm your potential future spouse. You both want the same number of kids, share similar interests and beliefs — could this be any more perfect?

Somehow the conversation turns to money. What did they just say? Their credit rating is P-O-O-R? Your throat closes up and you think of ways to get out of here quickly. Maybe I’ll go to use the bathroom and exit through the window? “Damn, and I was just starting to imagine our wedding day!”

Sound extreme? Well if you’re a millennial on the dating scene, apparently it’s not. According to both Tinder and Bloomberg, someone’s credit history and perceived level of financial responsibility is the number one factor in choosing a partner, even more important than appearance or having a sense of humour.

Really? So not only do you have to worry about being witty and fashionable, you also have to be in a strong financial position? As if we don’t have enough to worry about.

Why can’t we just go back to the days when people only found out about that mountain of debt AFTER you got married and moved in together?

“I can see why my personal hygiene or social skills matter — nobody wants to date or marry someone with dragon breath or who can’t hang out with your closest friends. But how someone manages their money?”

So, this got me thinking…did I ever imagine that my credit score, or level of savings, or amount of debt would play a role in my love life? At a glance, the two subjects seem completely unrelated (other than being able to pay for dinner or a date at the movies, right?)

I can see why my personal hygiene or social skills matter — nobody wants to date or marry someone with dragon breath or who can’t hang out with your closest friends. But how someone manages their money? Isn’t that their own business? Turns out that it isn’t just their own business AND it matters A LOT to potential partners.

This seems like the right time to ask about his credit score. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Think about it, without even giving it a lot of conscious thought, someone might dismiss the idea of anything serious with you, simply because they fear the complications that poor money management might bring them. Or maybe they think it’s an indicator of your trustworthiness.

I imagine that money red flags would trigger the same, well-known ‘fright-flight reflex’, where humans are genetically wired to flee at the first sign of danger. At a subconscious level, we are always on the lookout for things that will harm us because that survival instinct is what has kept our species going for millenia.

And even in the advanced, digital present-day, that instinct to survive hasn’t gone away, it’s just been redirected to matters of financial survival and quality of life.

Why is that? It could be that we are afflicted by a general sense of uncertainty, one that our parents and grandparents probably didn’t have. And by ‘we’, I’m referring to Generation Z (ages 38 to 53) and Millenials (ages 20 to 37).

According to the American Psychiatric Association, these two groups were the most stressed and anxious among adults surveyed in 2018. In the UK, 74% of adults admitted to feeling stressed or unable to cope (2018 survey by the Mental Health Foundation). Yeah, we’re stressed.

And money tends to top the list of those stressors. So, it’s no surprise then, that people are looking for the “S” word when they’re dating: STABILITY. It turns out that having your finances sorted can make you more desirable. And not in the ‘sugardaddy/sugarmomma’ kind of way.

As people go about educating themselves and building careers, coupling up and marriage tends to happen later in life, at which stage, people are focused on starting families, making major purchases like a home, planning for their kids’ educations and their own retirement. So, it’s reasonable to assume that when people start dating, like seriously dating, that money would be a key factor in their decision-making.

If your partner has a poor credit history, then guess what? Your ability to get a mortgage might be impacted significantly or it could be a whole lot more expensive. Or you might find yourself having to “inherit” a large amount of debt, which could hinder your own future plans.

Ugh! Dating is so stressful when everyone’s walking around with credit card debt. Photo by Alexander Puffer on Unsplash

So what does this mean for you? If you fall into the camp of people who haven’t had the greatest financial track record, I would like to offer you some ideas on how to improve your prospects:

Don’t panic — You’re not Kryptonite! Even the most dire situations can be turned around and shouldn’t eliminate someone from dating and finding love. Many thousands of people are taking control of their finances and reaping the many benefits that ensue. But it’s important to take the next step, which is….

Decide to make a change — I’ve had my own challenges with money, because of poor habits, stupid decisions and an unwillingness to take responsibility. Once I decided to make a change, I put myself squarely on the path towards better personal finances.

Be honest — With yourself, first and foremost. There’s no point in deluding yourself about where you really stand in terms of your money situation. Sooner or later, the truth will come out and it’s better for you to face your own challenges before you have to have that all-important conversation with your bae. At least you’ll be better prepared because you will have thought about it, come to terms with it, and (hopefully) come up with a plan to address it.

Start now — Chances are, you’re already in a relationship, and if that’s the case, then your need to fix your money problems is even more urgent. But if you’re still living the single life and hope to one day find ‘THE ONE’, then there’s no time like the present to start making positive changes. Living below your means, eradicating debt and starting an emergency fund are three easy ways to dramatically improve your financial and romantic prospects.

In many countries, Christmas Day and end-of-year holidays are a few weeks away and for many people, it’s the time to really impress that special someone with displays of affection. Yes, the tradition of splashing out on expensive gifts is tempting, and almost mandatory in some cases.

But trust me when I tell you that the real foundations of a strong and lasting relationship can be found in the personal steps that you will take to secure your financial future. I read somewhere (and I believe this to be entirely true): nothing says “I love you” like starting an emergency fund. It tells the other person that you’re in this together, and that you care enough about their well-being to want to put a cushion in place for life’s upcoming challenges. It says, “I’m thinking about OUR future”. Isn’t that what we all want?

What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s fair for you to be assessed by a potential partner on your financial situation? Do you find yourself thinking about money when you’re dating? I’d love to know your experiences and thoughts.

Sources: https://www.newsweek.com/millennials-most-anxious-generation-new-research-shows-917095

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/news/stressed-nation-74-uk-overwhelmed-or-unable-cope-some-point-past-year

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-most-anxious-generation-goes-to-work-11557418951