The No Game (How To Figure Out What You Want In Life)
By: Niklas Göke
Tags: Millennials, Goals, Self-awareness, Life Lessons, Work

Being 25 is hard. When you look at the big truths that roll around the quarter century mark, it becomes easy to see why ‘quarter-life crisis’ has become a thing.

Your happy, careless, worry-free, post-teenage phase is definitely over at this point.

You’ve already spent 90% of the time you’ll ever spent with your parents and closest family.

However, you still have the majority of your own life ahead of you…

…but no idea what to do with it.

The land of opportunity has never been this big. If you own a laptop with an internet connection, you have more production power than a 200-person company had in 1970.

This power is so great that it paralyzes us. Petrified by the paradox of choice, we can’t decide whether we want to become a freelance Facebook ad designer, surf novel writer or start a cupcake business.

Because we know all of it is possible, we think we want each choice equally as much.

Like Buridan’s ass, we’re just as hungry as we are thirsty, stuck between the hay and the water.

This is an illusion.

You Don’t Really Want Everything Equally

When you’re in a candy store, everything looks good. Plus, it’s all right in front of you; the licorice is just as easy to grab as the chocolate.

The media is painting a candy store picture of careers for us. All we see online and off are the end results of hard-working people — those who’ve survived and came out on top.

Everything seems easy to grab. But it’s not. We know that in theory, but until our brain computes this on an elementary level, let’s turn to a better indicator of what we want:

Fear.

Picking in a candy store is hard. Telling the waiter to take back the pizza — because she brought you mushrooms instead of pepperoni — is easy. Because it’s not what you wanted. Because you’re afraid it might not taste good.

Fear often hinders us, because it keeps us from doing things.

“You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.” — Seneca

In the case of choosing careers, however, we can use it to systematically eliminate what we don’t want and then work with the elements that are left.

What if, instead of running towards something we don’t know, we just run away from what terrifies us?

Introducing The No Game

As I’m trying to figure out what I want for myself, I’ve recently started playing a game. I just call it ‘The No Game.’

The goal is to ask yourself questions about what you want, shooting for a no each time.

I started with all the things I’ve done before, using this template:

Do I want to [insert an activity you’ve done before]?

Answer honestly, and if you have some conditions or exceptions, include them.

For example I like to consult with people, but not all the time, so it’s nothing I’d want to do full-time.

After I’ve run through everything I have done, I start thinking about the things I could potentially do, but haven’t tried.

Do I want to [insert an activity you haven’t done]?

If something doesn’t excite you when you fantasize about it, reality will only be an even bigger disappointment. Think about it.

Your imagination knows no limits in designing the experience, yet you still don’t like the thought of being recognized by everyone on the street — that’s a good signal pursuing celebrity status isn’t for you.

After you’ve played The No Game for a while, you’ll slowly realize that only certain criteria and elements will be left that you actually can imagine yourself living with for a long time.

Then, and only then, can you switch to playing The Yes Game and explore those elements a bit more.

What Should You Do With This?

I love wrapping up my posts with a conclusion and saying “go do that!”

But in this case, I can’t. Because I don’t know where The No Game ultimately leads to. I only know it’s helping. And that it helps me more the longer I play it.

Looking at my answers, you might think I should try being a writer. But that’s the thing: unless I put some candy in the bag, wield the power of my laptop and commit to it, I won’t know.

Until I’m comfortable enough to do that, I can keep playing The No Game.

Right now, all I know is this: For me, being a writer is not a No. So I can just keep writing, whatever the format. And maybe that’s worth more than a Yes.