Post-Coming Out Queerification
By: Sean Bennett
Tags: Identity, Queer, LGBTQ, Coming Out, Creative Non Fiction

In an episode of Queer Eye, Antoni Porowski talks about his own self-discovery after coming out. He discusses how he dressed differently, behaved differently, and partook in different activities that he understood, at the time, to be ‘what gay people did’.

In time, as he explains to the hero of that particular episode, he began to understand that being queer didn't require certain behaviours or traits, but rather is just allows us to be open about the behaviours and traits that are true to ‘us’.

There is a big difference there.

I wonder sometimes if the stereotypes of queerness have become so ingrained in society that even those of us within the community fall prey to them once in a while. We feel that we need to dress a certain way, or act a certain way, in order to legitimise and publicise our identity.

There's nothing wrong with those things. People can dress and act however they want. The world would be a much nicer place if everyone could just be themselves.

But feeling like you have to engage in certain things as a kind of rite of passage seems odd to me.

There is a much deeper discussion to be had here about where all of these stereotypes came from in the first place. Many of the behaviours and traits traditionally associated with the queer community were frowned upon or even criminalised, so part of the reason why newly-out members of the community might want to try their hand at these things may be out of a sense of allowance rather than requirement.

Having revealed their identity to the world, they now feel able to partake in activities that they may have felt were otherwise off-limits due to persisting social pressures. That freedom then allows them to figure out what they do and don't like out of this new array of options available to them.

The overarching issue, then, is one of separating behaviours between queer and not-queer.

In an ideal world, coming-out would not need to be followed by a period of self-discovery or queerification because there wouldn't be any traits classified as being ‘for queers only’.

(Technically, in an ideal world there would be no need to come out either, but let's take one topic at a time.)

However, that is the state of affairs in which we find ourselves.

I’m loath to suggest that the current practice of trying on the stereotypes reinforces them in any way because, even if that is the case, it is not a consequence of our own making.

Though I think it is fair to argue that sudden queerification after coming-out might be taken as supporting the stereotypes, I also think it is an important period in many queer people’s lives.

We did not ask for these behaviours to become embedded in the public perception of our community, nor have most of us ever perpetuated the idea that these behaviours and traits should be exclusive to us. The structure of these notions is not of our own making.

As a result, I hardly think we can be blamed for making the most of our societal ‘queer pass’ and trying out everything that our community has to offer. These are activities and expressions that are inexplicably unwelcome in cishet society, so they are suppressed until people can find the safe spaces in which they are celebrated. The fact that the discovery of those safe spaces often corresponds to the process of coming out is a complex societal issue that especially boils down to this.

We did not ask to be different. But if you give us that label, you had better believe we will run with it.

So, until post-coming out queerification is no longer necessary, I will enjoy the novelties of the queer identity. In essence, we have reclaimed our stereotypes and repurposed them for the purposes of facilitating self-discovery, which I think is pretty incredible.

I hope that one day we will be able to give up our guardianship of these traits and behaviours, turning them over to the universal pool of available characteristics for all.

But until then, I will watch with pride as our community grows and new generations find their feet within it.

It is a wonderful community to be a part of, after all.