Sex Education from Netflix: More than characters
By: Anthony Li
Tags: Netflix, Sex Education

Parents’ hardships to open up to their children

On parenting among the Effiongs, the Milburns, the Groffs and the Machettis

I believe most parents parent like this? Image from Tumblr.

Looking at how Headmaster Groff treats Adam reminds me that no family is perfect, but I think I can compare the families in the show that has interactions during the episodes.

The Wileys and the Nymans aren’t here because Maeve’s and Ola’s parents don’t have (much) interactions with the children in the first season.

Maybe I am learning from my brave son. — Mr Effiong (S1E7)

First off, the Effiongs is already the best family compared with the other ones. Communication between Eric and his dad is the most comfortable. We can see that they really listened, even though they usually understand each other later than the conversation.

Mr Effiong is a first-generation immigrant. He faced and dealt with many hardships living in a new country, and doesn’t want his kids to face the same hardship growing up. He did all his best to tell Eric to be brave and even man up, not to be too girly.

Image screenshot from YouTube.

But Eric isn’t a manly man. Even though being gay doesn’t mean to be girly, Eric seems to have some girly touches in him. He likes costumes, make-up, polishing his finger nails, and extraordinarily colourful clothes (while having his own style).

This scares the father as this isn’t what he expected of a boy. I would think that the struggles between Eric and his dad is related to social expectations.

For example, on the day Eric was caught by his father for wearing costume and make-up with Lily, Mr Effiong only told Eric to take them off before his mother sees (S1E4). I can see that the father said that out of fear because this is beyond his social expectations about a boy. Even though that command was stiff, it didn’t express any hatred towards the son.

After Eric was attacked by some homophobic men (S1E5), Eric tried to dress more manly and beat Anwar by accident (S1E6). This led to Eric’s suspension from school. When Mr Effiong took Eric home, the father opened up to his weeping son by asking what kind of man he wants to be (S1E6).

Everyone loves you. — Mrs Effiong (S1E7)

During the suspension (S1E7), Eric tries to fit in some expectations — he tries to be manly and go to church which he has given up for years. All those he faced in that period helped answer his father’s question: Eric wants to be a proud gay man who enjoys every moment of his life and doesn’t let anybody bother him. He could answer that probably because of his mother’s and the vicar’s reminders.

Clearly, Eric listens. Does Mr Effiong listen too?

I believe so. Based on his reactions towards his son, I can see that he may be slow in adapting changes. He looked stunned when he saw his son wearing make-up with Lily, but he realised and accepted that his son isn’t a masculine kind of man. Perhaps that is the reason why he asked Eric what kind of man he wants to be.

I also believe that this video clip pretty much sums up how Eric’s father listened to him. The father understood that he didn’t need to be scared of what the son did as it didn’t help, and so he didn't need to fear anything ultimately. Therefore, his reaction to the driver honking the second time towards him surprised Eric. This is probably because Mr Effiong doesn’t seem to be a man who would ever be rude to others.

This then pretty much showed that the Effiongs listen to one another. Also, the father and son eased their tension when he said he was learning from the brave son.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Please leave. — Otis (S1E8)

Image screenshot from YouTube.

The Milburns is a little bit different but the communication in the family is still unsatisfactory.

Otis’s parents divorced and he lives with his mother, while his father lives in the US. Therefore, it is reasonable for him to feel that his father is missing most of the time when he is growing up. Even though Otis and his dad can face-time when necessary, it is still not the same as having a father physically around. Perhaps regular facetiming, which is mentioned in an episode, is better than nothing.

There is also one thing that is pretty special for the family: the parents’ occupation. Both of them are sex therapists. Even though Otis is around his mother only at the moment, we can still see something needed to be a good therapist, which is being observant.

It is quite often that Jean saw something odd about Otis and then she would deduce what happens to him, and then she tries to talk to him (but Otis the teenager often refuses). However, this also shows that Jean is an excellent therapist as she is very observant.

However, it also brought up problems between the relationship between Otis and Jean when Otis usually refuses and does not open up to his mother. As Jean is a professional therapist, she is very good at deducing any matters happening in people in her own professional field, but it was proved wrong “deducing” her own son’s problems growing up.

When Otis got mad at his mother about the book chapter (S1E8), not only did he talk about Jean’s lack of vocabulary, he mentioned that Jean had been guessing all the time and she was all wrong.

Image from Buzzfeed.

Speaking of the book chapter, I believe that it may foreshadow a future book co-written by the Milburns mother and son. Otis studies English Literature and he doesn’t seem to be bad in this subject. (Of course Maeve is the real beast.) Writing a book doesn’t seem to be hard for him, and Jean already wrote a book with Otis’s dad before. Jean is also good at analysing, if the two can communicate better, I believe they can write an excellent book together talking about the growth of a teenager.

I hate you. — Adam (S1E7)

I said that Adam lives under his father’s shadow and Headmaster Groff manages Moordale using fear tactics. I believe that the reason Adam can’t get away from his father’s shadow is that his father uses the same tactic at home.

Firstly, let me look at their interactions. But they barely communicate, the father only scolds or punishes the son.

I think that is why Adam told his dad that he hates the father, and parenting using fear tactics is destined to fail.

It’s not my success. It’s yours. — Jackson (S1E7)

Image from POPSUGAR.

I didn’t like Jackson at the beginning, I believe it is mostly related to his character.

He is the head boy of the school. He is also a member of the school’s swimming team. He should be on the spotlight all the time. Possibly this makes the head boy a bit spoilt: It seems he could get everything he wants.

Until he meets Maeve. Then that’s what the story tells.

Looking at Jackson’s family, it makes me feel that really every family has their own issues. Even though Jackson has two mothers and no fathers. The way the two parents nurture the child can still be so different that it may have caused some arguments.

Jackson’s family reminds me of a lot of Hongkongese parents who pushes the kids to do a lot of things they don’t really like for the good of their future. The parents simply ignore the fact that the kids don’t like those activities added by their parents.

It seems that some parents forget that kids are also a human, a person. The children of theirs should also have their chance to live their own lives. The parents make decisions for the kids, and the youngsters may get frustrated when they are to make a life-changing decision.

This applies to Jackson, I believe. His parents made him frustrated of his future and his parents’ plans don’t fit his own wishes. Then he becomes too playful in the eyes of the audience, and he does not know much of how the world works.

The Marchettis may look like any successful family and Jackson received very good parenting. However, it doesn’t seem pretty successful to me.