A method to uncover Purpose.
By: Tony Fish
Tags: Psychology, Purpose Driven Life, Purpose, Values

The moon in my hand @ 79 degrees North

Every generation has memes and Millennials appear to think differently about themselves and the environment in which they live. There is no revelation within that observation, or that this generation is that different from the flower power hipsters of 1960’s. Yes there is massive differences in expectation, experience and outlook across the globe within this group but that is not reason for this viewpoint. There appears to be one characteristic which unify this group a little more than our iteration of being young — they are looking for purpose in their life; perhaps earlier, in more numbers than in previous generations. Research doesn’t offer any exact insights as to why this might be the case and there is lots of anecdotal evidence from family separation, technology, screens, social media, teaching, access to information, voting history, to uprisings, blogs and employment experience.

Whilst Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is largely outdated and indeed is probably now not true, it does provide a framework of thinking that you move up from basic needs until finally you have to be who you are. The rub is that now, even with basic needs not met, the aspiring Millennials want to be who they want to be — they want self-actualization at the start, not something to be obtained. They are willing to trade basic needs, security, assurance and assets for purpose.

If we dissect the age old and ridiculous question much of society still asks the school and senior graduating generation. “What job do you want to do when you grow up?,” we can explore the topic of purpose in this generation with some relevance. Our kids don’t just want a job, they want to do something that has meaning and value (to them) — purpose. The reason for this post is to provide a framework to help us help our kids (or yourself) in thinking about what is your purpose.

The reason I have written this is that too many presentation I have given, mentoring I have delivered, coaching I have offered and all too often hear, instruct the listener to go find and purpose, but no framework to assist in this incredible nebulas task. And this is what I hope this will achieve. Read on!

What determines your purpose or affinity, how it comes about or why we have different ones is not for this post, as there are numerous amazing books and studies that focus on that aspect, and they will not help you unlock any insights. The idea here is to provide a practical list of purposes, look at what they imply/ mean and give you a simple means of picking one that most closely aligns to your personal mental model. Like everyone, you will be draw to several, the exercise given below is about picking the one that stands out for you. Rather like being right or left handed we don’t often know why, but we have a natural preference, pick the natural one, not the one you think others want for you.

Underlying Purpose — a guide

In my view — no one is more important than another and a thriving society is able to accept them all and let them all flourish. There are probably more and each one can be segmented down, but it’s a good place to start.

Love and compassion for all

This is a deep love and compassion, one that aches and yearns, it burns and drives to sense of urgency to do something. It is more than hugging a stranger or an affinity with a terrible news story or crying at a disney film. It has no sense of danger, no wall to high to climb and nothing is too small or insignificant. It is love before yourself and is all consuming. It has no prejudice or affinity, it does not tire and knows no limit.

Bring peace, reduce fear and violence

This is more that “do no harm” or a personal belief, this has the drive to go and do something about it. From continuous small acts in a local community to a being a leader of a revolution — it sets out on a path that it is better to inspire than manipulate and that freedom wins over opposition.

Improve education/ knowledge

The topic or theme is not important, nor how it is delivered, at what level or where, it is an undying belief that education raises people up, knowledge is more powerful than ignorance and providing access it the key to unlocking everything else. It is not for education sake and it is not about you — it is about teaching the person to fish.

Ease pain and suffering

For some their demons are mental and for others they are physical. In both cases having someone there who understands how to help is a purpose we often overlook as we only call on them in times of want, but these citizens are there every day helping someone, often at a cost to themselves, but they know that easing pain and reducing suffering in others helps them in their lives.

Creation and creativity

This is not selfish but can look it, it is thrust that is never satisfied. It covers all aspects of creativity from art to business, living space to film and sound and light to nature. It is an expression that has to be expressed and find a voice. It is a dull pain to a blazing fire, it changes every day but it never burns out.

Protect the weak, vulnerable

There is no universal means to protect everyone (people and animals) and what makes people weak and vulnerable and need protection is complex. From being a judge to a police person, offering a room to running a hostel, raising funding or defending policies that hurt, the purpose is to protect. Critical is being able to see and feel what needs help and doing something about it.

Protect culture and tradition

The affinity to history and the lessons it brings outweigh in your being anything else. You see that existing ideals are repeating old and that we are not progressing or you see the desire to change history for some other reason. You value above anything that we are who we are today because of our past that that it should not be lost or crushed because it has some inconvenient truths or hides something that needs to be found. You have to pass it on in a better place than you found it.

Explore, discovery, research

The unrestful spirit that just has to reshape the boundaries, not play by the rules, will not accept no, change something because you can, challenge the status quo or climb a mountain because it it there. Never satisfied with the explanation and driven by a deep desire to do something that cannot be done or has not been done before. The new business model, the new method, they new way, the new path, never wanting to do the same thing twice. Normal is only new, never stable.

Service to others

This is a complex, dynamic and diverse driver. It goes from being a good citizen to being there in the quiet of the night being providing comfort, support, help and time. Never swinging from the lamppost or shouting from the rooftops, just there, always there. Strong and stable. Reliable. You realise that time is more precious that action, activity or achievement. To serve is the greatest gift of all.

Practically, how do you uncover your purpose?

The Practical steps are : print off the list and then cut out each one so on a single strip, turn them over so the words are face down. Pick two of them at random. Read them both and consider for a few seconds which one you agree with most. Which one better aligns to your way of thinking, which excites your, what motivates you, which would someone else say you are. Keep the one that you are more in tune with you; screw up and throw away the other one. Pick another one from the ones that are face down and compare it to the one you kept. Again screw up one that is not you and pick another one and repeat until you have one left.

So what

The next step is to find a way to execute on your passion, the implementation has everything to do with your political view, experience, family, friends, location, money and economic model — some will protect the weak by following a legal career, others by policing, others by creating policy, others by doing running a home, others by adoption and a million more. But finding your purpose will help you start the journey.

So to help our kids, don’t ask them what job they want and don’t project your purpose on to them, but allow them to discover theirs and then help them find a role in society where they can add value to others and be an amazing citizen — surely that’s better than making them a accountant, doctor, teacher or engineer when they should be dancing! However, when you think about it, the best hospitals for example will have staff, at all levels, all who have different purposes. We need each other and our diversity, purpose is not about the role, it is about how you approach it.

You can change your mind

When you go through this exercise it gives you choice and that create dilemmas. Which one and all the Pros and cons. That rapid view of acceptance and rejection. There will always be two or three with little to pick between them, however one will put you in a place where you can flourish more than the other and the trick is to pick the one that enables you to grow, however whatever you pick you can be successful or fail, purpose is not a right. Therefore, the idea of picking the right or wrong one is a manipulation and that should be avoided.

End note, me

An observation: What is the most basic human need (purpose)? “To be happy” was something to aspire to for a long time. For many that became; “to be loved and to love” More recently “to be useful” is probably a helpful thought. The list about and what everyone decisdes is different and what this shows is that we all need everyone.

My purpose is to explore, discover and research and drives my family mad that I cannot have one view, there is always two sides and more often three. The drive to climb, explore the world but also aspects of physiology, politics, ideas, science and business models. My worst characteristic driven by my purpose is never wanting to do the same thing twice and having to do it myself.