As a Christian in America, I Owe You a Giant Apology
By: Michelle Wuesthoff
Tags: Religion, Spirituality, Christianity, Apology

On Behalf of My Family

I know that sometimes, substitutionary apologies can be lame. But that’s usually because they don’t come across with the same sincerity and ownership as when you are personally to blame. People who possess great compassion, empathy, and humility can successfully proffer that type of apology, though, especially if they have a level of authority within the realm that committed the offense.

Several years ago, I spent 30 days in a mental health rehab facility, addressing and healing from numerous traumas in my life, some at the hands of clergymen. There happened to be pastor in my therapy group (he was actually the grandson of a very famous pastor in the evangelical church) who, upon hearing the story of one of those abuses, dissolved into tears of compassion and grief. He knelt at my feet and owned it all, through great anguish and tears. I don’t ever expect I’ll get any real apology — especially one as sincere as that — from the actual pastor who hurt me, but somehow, this guy’s apology brought significant solace to me. I’ll never forget it.

I’m not a pastor, and have never held a paid position in ministry. I’ve been a lay leader in several regards, but more than anything, I’m a lifelong, card-carrying member of the Christian church, for better or for worse.

I’ve been on the inside most of my life, and have spent the last five years on the outside. Being an outsider sucks, but it does help your perspective some.

We Christians often call each other ‘brothers and sisters,’ and I take that in the truest sense: we’re part of the same family, we fight like cats and dogs sometimes, and like it or not, we are responsible for one another in God’s eyes. And it is to my great shame that my family members have committed so many atrocities, some in the name of Jesus:

Our leaders have abused their power, position, and influence in terrible, awful ways. They have manipulated you financially, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually for their own gain.

Our white American churches have oppressed you, segregated you, shunned you, and ex-communicated you. We have demonstrated on the streets against you and your rights and freedoms. We have called you names and told you that God hates you.

We have turned deaf ears and blind eyes to your suffering. We have reduced you to labels and categories and dehumanized you.

We have politicized you and made you “issues” instead of real people with lives and feelings.

We’ve told you you can’t preach or teach or hold positions of authority because of your gender or sexual preference.

We’ve taught our children to fear you, and we’ve supported — even written — legislation to keep you and your influence away from our kids and our schools.

We’ve judged you unfairly and more harshly than we judge ourselves. We hardly judge ourselves at all, actually.

We’ve been hypocritical and duplicitous about our beliefs and traditions being right and superior to all others. “It’s our way or the highway! Like it or leave it! Turn and repent or you’re going to hell!” (“Oh! Jesus loves you and you should come to church!”)

We’ve conflated religion and politics, nationalism and spirituality.

We’ve preached love out of one side of our mouths, while spewing hate from the other.

There is so, so much more, I know. I just can’t list everything here. And I will say again,

Strung together like this, these acknowledgements are sobering and sickening. They certainly are not the whole of who we are, but it’s the God’s-honest truth that they have been a part of who we are.

And on behalf of my brothers and sisters, I am deeply sorry we have hurt you. The scope of all this is so huge, we can never truly make amends for all the years and all the people we’ve hurt.

The fact that we’ve used the name of God while committing these egregious sins is unthinkable, and we’ve misrepresented Him so badly, we’ve turned you against the God that loves you so fiercely. We have failed Him, and we have failed you.

You matter. You have value and worth and we have not acknowledged or shown that in our words or actions. We must do better, and start now.