Too Busy? How to Say No to “Extra” Work
By: Dane Dellenbach
Tags: Saying No, Wellness, Time Management, Burnout

Earlier this year, I saw a friend post this image on Twitter, and it really hit me hard.

What got to me, was how people responded to the post. Many of these people were friends, and it was another time I was being hit in the face with a sad truth:

So many people are doing a lot of work, but not making the impact that they would like. They are busy, and they are not achieving what they want at the same time.

I wanted to help others free themselves from less valuable tasks, own their time and focus on what is most important. I wanted to help others avoid being “too busy” and at the same time “not enough.” But this conversation almost always leads to a deceivingly simple question: how do you say no? It’s hard and uncomfortable, no doubt. But done right, saying no can improve relationships, set boundaries and move your work forward. So let’s get into it.

Hard No’s

Refer to Strategic Vision

When someone asks you to do something, and it is your job role, but it doesn’t match your strategic plan, push back. Explain that the task may be a good idea for another group or organization, but it is not a strategic fit. This can also be a chance to introduce or explain the strategic plan. If the person already knows the plan, it is a chance to lead and show you are squarely focused on your organization’s bigger goals.

“The main thing is to keep the main things the main things.” — Stephen R. Covey

No, Because…

When you tell someone no without sharing the reason why, it feels personal — like you are saying no to them, not to their idea or request. Take the time to listen and really understand the request, then take the time to help them understand why you will not be doing this work. It could be strategic vision as discussed above, or it could be competing priorities. It could be because the perceived value of the completed task doesn’t meet the threshold needed to invest effort. The added context helps your coworker better understand your priorities and availability in the future.

Added bonus reading, just saying because helps with persuasion, more here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-wise/201310/the-power-the-word-because-get-people-do-stuff

Softer No’s

Allow an Awkward Pause

That pause matters. When someone asks you to do something and there is a space of silence, they will usually fill it with more detail — or perhaps even withdraw their request. If they don’t, a pause gives you time to think through your response.

Use Humor

Often the hardest thing about saying “no” is the reaction you might receive from the other person. Introducing humor can ease that awkward feeling.

Refined No

Don’t forget: While you are declining the work, you are not declining the person. Think of the classic “It’s not you, it’s me” response. A few examples include:

“I find it awesome that you thought of me to help you with this, but I am stretched too thin at the moment. I can revisit this in a few days / weeks / months if that works for you?”

“That sounds awesome, and I want to help, but right now I don’t have the bandwidth.”

Offer an Alternative

Even when you say no, consider giving options to the person requesting your help. Perhaps another set of eyes, ears, or hands is all your colleague needs — and it doesn’t matter who. It is especially helpful if the person you refer them to is interested in the type of work that needs to be done or someone who sincerely enjoys pitching in and learning something new. It helps everyone feel like you networked them together, and you still have your time.

No, But I Am Willing to…

“You are welcome to do X, and I am willing to do Y to help.” This isn’t exactly a no, but it saves you time and makes the boundaries clear. It clearly conveys what you are willing (and not willing) to do, and it puts you in control of your contribution. An example may be, “You are welcome to create the newsletter, and I would be glad to review it and spruce it up a bit.”

Saying No to the Boss

Discover if this is really a request

So often, a boss doesn’t understand the weight their words carry. Sometimes a task they mention is, to them, just a fleeting thought or a brainstorm — while to those who work for them, it feels like a request or assignment. When your boss asks, clarify if the task is an expectation or if they are just ideating. Asking for that clarity will help you know their expectations and help you avoid doing work that wasn’t expected of you to start with.

Talk to them about tradeoffs

Rarely, when you are asked to do something, is it because you have nothing else to do. As a busy working professional, an extra request isn’t filling empty time, and your boss needs to understand this. If you are busy, explain how this new request will delay other projects, or prevent other projects from starting. I like to use the phrase, “Do you want me to work on project X or project Y?” or the “I can do that; what would you like me to de-prioritize.” Sometimes this questioning will lead them to the conclusion that the new project wasn’t that important; other times it provides more clarity. Again, sometimes bosses don’t know how busy their people are — the “nice to have” work usually falls to the wayside when the focus is pointed back toward the important work.