How Do I Measure Personal Growth?
By: Marilyn Flower
Tags: Empowerment, Wisdom, Relationships, Self, Life Lessons

This is a great question for me, and the timing is perfect!

I just came out of a big community meeting that I co-led along with an outside facilitator. And boy, was it great having her!

I’ll call her the Rev-one amazing woman, strong, powerful, and not afraid to tell it like it is. At the same time, she’s grounding in being a loving presence who calls each of us to rise to the level of our highest selves. Her timely interventions were gentle, but they packed a lot of punch.

She is my new model for personal growth. I aspire to these same skills, which means having some of her perspectives.

Some of the maturity I’m looking for is attitudinal.

We can come from love without being co-dependent, enmeshed, people-pleasers. We can learn to listen compassionately without having to fix the other person. We can even hear their anger at us without having to appease them and/or change.

We can be okay with the idea that everyone may not like or understand us. If they don’t, it’s more about them than ourselves. This is a slow, hard lesson for me.

I get to ask myself, do I really want to keep dancing some of the dysfunctional dances I’ve done. Once I accept the invitation, it’s hard to get off the dance floor.

One marker for personal growth is I’ve stopped trying to get people to like me. I now pay more attention to the people I like and respect who model healthy ways of being for me.

Clarifying these distinctions really helps.

The stronger I am, the less likely I will fall into emotional traps set to test or snare me. I simply do not have time. Part of my growth is to value my time, not letting others leach it away in lengthy phone calls or email gossip threads.

Part of personal growth is growing a thicker skin. Being okay if people don’t like me. Having healthier boundaries and putting myself first.

If I feel drained and distracted from my personal passions at the end of the day, that’s a clue of what I may need to do. Suppose I feel energized and pleasantly tired from doing things that nourish me and my creative projects. In that case, that’s a sign I am learning and growing in the direction I want to go.

A final measure is the quality of my sleep.

If I lie awake tossing and turning imagining scenes in my head with people, that’s a sign I need to ramp up my self-care and boundaries.

When folks invade my headspace, they’re not paying me rent.

They’re unwanted squatters. They gots to go. I gots to put on my big girl panties and my kick-butt boots and evict them. Then change the locks, so no one else gets in there without a personal invitation from yours truly.

In the process, I can pray for their best and highest good. After all, they are on a path, and their angels bring them people and experiences designed to enhance their spiritual growth.

Just like my angels are doing for me. They brought me these experiences so I can learn my lessons. Until I learn the lessons, they will keep bringing me this kind of experience.

So when a new and different challenge shows up, I’ll know I’ve mastered the old one well enough to have graduated to the next level. Praise God, may that be soon!