It'll All Be Alright- Dolly Parton Told Me So
By: Kelsey L.O.
Tags: Mental Health, Inspiration, Spirituality, Life Lessons, Self

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

My pulse drowned out the busy Saturday afternoon street around me. All I could hear were the sounds of my own chest: shallow breaths and thunderous heartbeats.

I dabbed my forehead and took a quick look around at the people bustling around me to see if anyone had noticed the sweat streaming down my face or the tears welling up in my eyes. With a sense of relief that my panic had gone seemingly unnoticed, I edged to the side of the sidewalk and leaned against a building two blocks away from my apartment.

Anxiety stormed inside as thoughts of my current situation swirled around. Things were looking bleak, and I couldn’t see how it would work out. Taking it minute by minute was the only way I could survive.

I was smack dab in the middle of an ugly situation with my (now former) employer that involved attorneys and a hell of a lot of uncertainty; in the middle of a global crisis, with an autoimmune disorder that made navigating a pandemic a bit tricky, and being unable to see my family back home in Texas due to international travel restrictions. To say that a lot was going on would be an understatement.

Three questions weighed me down as I attempted to make sense of it all.

“What happens if I lose this case and my job?”

“How will I go on from this?”

and finally, my old go-to:

“Will everything be alright?”

Taking deep breaths and stroking my arms, just as my therapist taught me to do, brought me back up to the surface, to reality in the present moment.

Inhale. Hold my breath. Exhale. Repeat.

Soon enough, both my heart rate and breath steadied as I gained control over the dwindling panic.

I took another breath and resumed my walk. Before I could take even ten steps, I saw a toy store I’d never noticed before, across the way from where I stood. Something about it drew me in, and as I remembered that I still needed to buy a gift for my friend’s upcoming baby shower, I allowed myself to take a detour on my way home.

Once inside, I immediately saw why I was being pulled to this particular store at that particular moment. There she was, sitting in the corner, smiling up at me from a pinball machine in the corner — my guardian angel.

Dolly Parton, the Backwoods Barbie herself.

Dolly found in the weirdest of places. Here on her very own pinball machine in a toy store in my neighborhood. Photo credit: author

Let me back up, and assure you that I am of sound mind.

A little woo-woo, yes. But not certifiably crazy.

For as long as I can remember, I have asked God/The Universe/The Flying Spaghetti Monster/Whoever-Is-Out-There-Watching-Over-Us for little signs in moments of need. It became my little secret game. Blame it on the day I started hopping over cracks to save my poor mother’s back when I was a kid. My reverence for superstition and spirituality has provided me with a very much needed perceived sense of control in situations that feel very much uncontrollable.

The rules of picking a sign go like this:

Designate something/someone that you aren’t likely to run into in an everyday situation. Pick a sign that’s obscure enough, so it sticks out when you aren’t actively looking for it. The more positivity associated with your sign of choice, the better!

Over the years, I’ve picked everything from purple flamingos to phrases like “see the forest for the trees,” to forgotten songs from the ’90s, and anything else random I could think of that would stick out like a sore thumb in everyday life.

And in present-day, during the ever so challenging year that is 2020, Dolly Parton, the inspiring go-getter of a woman, became the holiest of signs that I’ve picked yet.

Who better than Ms. Parton, an actual physical manifestation of positive feel-good sunshine, to bring comfort and inspiration during these “unprecedented times”?

Now, let me tell you. I’m a psychology grad. I am well aware of confirmation bias and Carl Jung’s concept of synchronicity, a.k.a Seek what you want to look for, and ye shall find it.

And found Dolly I did.

Despite being a native Texan who was brought up on a steady diet of country music, I never knew much about Dolly Parton except that she looked cheap and had big boobs and sang about some gal named Jolene.

When I got my first pushup bra as a teenager, I joked to my mom, “This must be how Dolly Parton feels like,” and that’s all I knew about her until this year.

My version of the Dolly Parton social media challenge. Photo credit: author

It started with the Dolly Parton challenge that spread like wildfire on social media back in January. Who would've thought a Country singer with a 50+ year career could be this hip and cool? I was impressed.

Then soon after, on a rainy Sunday afternoon with nothing else to do, the movie “9 to 5” popped up on my HBO app. I was thrilled as Dolly’s skills as a comedic actress won me over even more, and I became a bonafide fan of this female powerhouse who wrote the infamous titular song in one go.

And then, two weeks before COVID-19 shut down the world as we knew it, Spotify recommended a podcast on my feed that was hard to pass over. “Dolly Parton’s America” from WNYC Studios became my walking-buddy on my morning walks to work as I listened to various stories about the rags to riches life of Dolly Parton.

I learned just how extraordinary this darling gem of a person really was. She's not just a country music hall-of-famer but also an extremely talented businesswoman and philanthropist who holds a great capacity for spreading joy and love in every life she touches.

Subconsciously, I decided that Saint Dolly would be my new sign for when troubled times hit.

And it may have been either a little stupid or a little brilliant to subconsciously choose a person who has been making somewhat of a comeback in 2020 because suddenly I was seeing her everywhere as life continued to throw curveballs at me.

Despite her knack of popping up everywhere (breaking sign-picking-rule number uno), the true magic has been in the moments I truly wasn’t looking for her yet needed to see her most. Like that day in the toy store, after a near anxiety attack in the middle of the sidewalk on a busy day wondering, “Will everything be OK?”.

Seeing a Dolly Parton themed pinball machine with her signature poofy hair and large bosom made me smile. It was the sign I needed to release my worries and trust that things would be OK.

Two days later, I won the case against my former employer and signed an employment contract for a new job with a company that seemed so positively different than the one I had just left. My life took an incredibly positive turn, and the anxiety I felt about the situation melted away.

I asked if everything would be alright, received an “answer,” in an unanticipated way, and everything did indeed turn out A-OK. More than OK, in fact, I am actually happy.

Was it all just an ordinary coincidence?

Maybe.

But, who says magic can’t be coincidental?

My logical-psychology-degree-holding-self knows that it’s a basic human tendency to bend and twist ourselves to try to make sense out of things we can’t easily explain. We like to tell ourselves that things happen for a reason, like interpreting signs from everyday coincidences.

This tendency explains the unexplainable and helps us feel like we’re in the driver’s seat when we decide to assign meaning to the seemingly meaningless.

But, I am a strong believer that we create our own serendipity, whether in the form of luck or happy little coincidences. I do it every day by playing this little game of chance, daring the universe to show me my sign.

These days, I don’t need Dolly as much as life has somewhat stabilized. She still likes to pop up in weird little places. Like the other day, a new friend randomly said the original “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly is their favorite song of all time. When this happens, I take it as a little wink, as a little piece of magic, both from the higher beings at work and my conscience. It's a wink that tells me things are good, and hope is everywhere I look.