Is Feminism Trying Too Hard to Please?
By: Stark Raving
Tags: Feminism, Women, Sexism, Activism, Self

Is Feminism Trying Too Hard to Please?

Image by PawinG from Pixabay

I first noticed it on Instagram: the unofficial aesthetic of feminism in 2020 is not unlike the ‘girls’ aisle of a toy store. It’s pink, pastel-colored and sometimes glittery, with retro cursive fonts and pretty flowers all around.

I’ve been spending more time on social media recently and discovered loads of amazing feminist artists whose beautiful illustrations come with an explosive message.

There is Florence Given, best-selling author of Women Don’t Owe You Pretty — with her characteristic wonky cartoon characters, on pink backgrounds with punch-packing slogans written in a curly retro font.

There’s Pink Bits, on a mission to “illustrate the bits and shapes we’re told to hide.” She draws nudes of all sizes and focuses on the small details we’re not supposed to talk about: white discharge on panties, stomach rolls during yoga, in a rounded cartoon style that is simple and gorgeous.

Brazilian artist and activist Camixvx draws women that take up space and voluntarily don’t smile — Strong, assertive, and most often, pink.

There are countless other feminist illustrators — I can’t name them all here although many would deserve to be mentioned.

Let me just first that I am not criticizing these artists: I love them, I follow them, I think they are creating work that is powerful and beautiful and that will carry important messages across the world.

It’s just the omnipresence of traditional ‘girly’ styles that has me wondering whether it’s a trend, or whether it’s a choice, an apology, almost. Consciously or unconsciously, these artists seem to be putting a disclaimer on their message. “We want the end of the patriarchy,” they say. “But don’t worry, we’ll keep things pretty.” Abiding by this traditional girliness is a way of rendering explosive content more palatable.

We shouldn’t have to apologize for, or water down, our feminism. It’s added work and an added restriction on creativity and activism alike. It could also, in the long run, be harmful, by contributing to archaic stereotypes.

We shouldn’t have to beg for our basic human rights

We shouldn’t have to dress up our demands as sweet little requests. We shouldn’t have to be kind when we ask for that which is rightfully ours. Asking nicely gives power to the oppressor — he decides whether or not to grant us our freedom, and how much. Making the oppressed appease their oppressor perpetuates the very power system we are trying to abolish. It makes them think that they are in the right — because niceness should be reserved to those who aren’t killing us or ruining our lives.

The fact is: we’re not asking, we’re taking. Because it’s ours.

Women are taught to be liked, even if it means hurting themselves

A few years ago scientists carried out an experiment on children. They asked them to wait and gave them lemonade to drink while they did — little did the kids know that they weren’t waiting for the experiment, they were already in it, and that the lemonade they were given was voluntarily disgusting. The boys grimaced, complained that it was bad, and chucked it. The girls forced themselves to drink it and told the scientists they liked it, so as not to offend (though one girl’s retching gave her away).

From a very young age, girls are taught to please. They are encouraged to be good little girls, to be nice and sweet. That is what they get praise for, and what they come to aim for. This continues into adulthood — how many times have I or my friends hesitated about asking for a raise we deserved because we didn’t want to put our bosses out? How many times have we started our sentences by apologizing, terrified that our words would cause us to be disliked?

We are taught to put our needs and feelings second to those of others, especially those of men. That’s hard to overcome when you become a feminist — even though the movement inherently demands that women put themselves first.

Playing into the aesthetic associated to girliness on the one hand means reappropriating a style that has been undervalued, but when it’s too widespread, it becomes the norm again, not a protest against the norm.

The anti-feminist backlash is making it harder to be proud of our beliefs

This is even more difficult today, when a backlash against feminism makes us feel even more as though we have to water down or dress up our ideas. I remember a brief point in time when it was easy to be proud of being a feminist — when girls would wear it on their t-shirts and boys would claim the word, too. That was before #metoo took off and made the prospect of change a little too scary to be cool.

Now, it feels more like an Alt-Right devil is sitting on the shoulder of many men and some women, yelling that feminism is going too far and that those bitches are fat ugly lesbians. Now, I’m scared to tell guys I write about feminism, because I know I will be disliked for it. I can’t be bothered to have to justify myself every time, and every time it is demanded. And if I hear “oh, I hope you’re not one of those feminists” one more time than I might actually start cutting testies off.

The backlash has also made watering things down pointless, because whatever you say, on the internet, related to women’s rights, will get you rape threats and random guys telling you that you are ugly, fat and a bitch. It’s not a case of having “gone too far,” clearly, because even the most basic feminist idea is shot down immediately.

There’s only so far you can dilute your feminism and it still have meaning

I genuinely believe feminism will have a positive effect on everyone in our world. Men too. They will be allowed to cry. Their mental health issues will be better addressed. They will get to wear skirts, and benefit from that genital breeze that is so pleasant on a summer’s day. They will not suffer domestic violence or rape in silence. The downsides of being a man will disappear in a post-patriarchal world.

But some advantages of being a man will disappear. Once women and people of color have their proper representation, that does mean fewer spaces for men. That’s the corollary of the fact that men currently hold more space than is proportional. Men will be held accountable for the violence that today goes unchecked — although being able to be violent doesn’t seem like the sort of advantage to fight for, it’s not a major factor towards a happier life.

There’s only so far we can go in making feminism non-scary. Men will have to step aside. Men will lose those privileges that they shouldn’t have had in the first place. As feminists, we shouldn’t be sugar-coating our messages, not reassuring men, but telling them, look, you shouldn’t have had this in the first place. Count yourself lucky to have had so much borrowed time at the expense of women. And give them back what was rightfully their’s. You might miss out on a few things, but the world we gain is worth it.

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