Death of a Saleswoman
By: The Fringe
Tags: Sales, Jobs, Unemployment, Competition, Reflections

I was only working for the competition in the first place because I had made the mistake of becoming horribly nervous during my return interview at my former company (I had left it to pursue teaching), and thus failed miserably at getting my old job back. Ha! This was a company that would take nearly anyone — including some friends that I referred months after this mishap. After I was denied re-entry, and I had already left teaching (I was an assistant in a first grade classroom and was being paid less than my ability to even buy food), I was left without a job.

Thus began the age of unemployment. Having not gone through the struggle immediately after college like so many of my peers, I had a hard time coping. I went from selling software to, well, selling myself. I understood how competitive this world was, with over 500 rejection emails saved in my inbox as a reminder to not leave a job without securing a new one. While I did receive some temp jobs and worked at a bar at night to make ends meet, I still felt wildly unfulfilled.

I tried reading articles on optimizing our day to day in the workplace, hoping perhaps some change I could bring would make the work more meaningful. I read articles on how to improve my resume, gain experience that could actually be utilized, or educational programs I could enroll in to widen my knowledge.

Some articles championed organization or collaboration with colleagues. Some noted the language we use in reflecting and resonating with others or to dissipate issues. Others spoke towards the origin of the 40 hour workweek, and how effective a teleworking or a divergent schedule led to a more productive day. A handful have showcased the actual workplace — as if the more vibrant our spatial environments could positively effect our concentration, our sentiments, and consequentially, our happiness. Washington Business Journal highlighted one office space holding the analytical minds of the Berkley Research Group.

Some articles stressed the importance of Emotional Intelligence (EI) and awareness of where you fall on the spectrum in improving work relationships and thus also leading to greater happiness in the workplace. A new word had even been birthed from this study, “Ambviert”.

Despite my research, once I landed a full time position it felt as if the only reason behind it was sheer luck. I applied and was selected by a hiring official that pushed me along as another case in their queue. I had the degree, I had the experience, I had the personality in the interview, I got the job. When I realized that working for the former competition felt too odd for me to even stomach driving through the traffic and parking in the dark garage, I left for a well known Advisory company crawling with recent grads thirsting for immediate recognition and success. I suppose I did too, and when my position left me with menial tasks to accomplish in an eight hour day, I left once again for career surprisingly in my field of study during my undergrad years — the public sector. I went from working three years pushing services onto these public agencies to streamline their processes and consult them, to working within the system and witnessing how inefficient it was. While most private firms I worked in where like a beehive of coordinated and stringent activity, this new atmosphere was lackadaisical with unclear organization structures. It was as if all of the sudden I knew exactly why the businesses I had worked for previously tried so rigorously to sell their services, and why every government employee I ever reached out to immediately shut me down if it wasn’t in their job description to procure services and equipment.

A businessperson not only sees opportunity but also generates it. Sometimes an organization does not see that they have a problem and that there is a solution. Insight, revelation, information sharing — all of it could be helpful; but in a business world all of it comes at a price.

Working under an agency that hears that doesn’t listen unless you’re at a higher pay grade, I hesitate to share my ideas. I appreciate the mission, but feel siloed to the mechanical tasks I am assigned. Filling my hours with volunteer activities, travel plans, and bucket list activities can’t seem to make up for the lack of stimulation in the first half of my day. Thus, I find myself on the hunt again. While the businesswoman in me has become dormant, I know she is still there. But I’ve never been one to offer something that I do not believe in. In my youth, faith and belief were words ascribed to religion. I suppose a faith of sorts was put in the facts fed to me through textbooks and teachers, as I wholeheartedly accepted what I was taught. In a way, I wanted to resell these facts to the generation below me, as a teacher. Yet my quest of learning was not over — which likely fueled my reentry into working on a team with others. And while I continue to hit a glass ceiling with every job I gain, I’m grateful for the people I met and conversations I have — and gratitude goes a long way in terms of job satisfaction.

Overall, if you currently work in a position that seems to fall short of your dreams, stay positive in your current situation but actively look for more. If you’re not in a position to make necessary change in your organization, seek a position that lets you. And if you too, put your sales life behind you, I hope you have been reborn to a life that is fully utilizing your talents. Don’t stay stagnant. I know I won’t.