Stop Self-damaging; Get Control of Your Goals & Survive Toxicity
By: Dionysis Svoronos
Tags: Life Lessons, Inspiration, Productivity, Self Improvement, Business

Stop Self-damaging; Get Control of Your Goals & Survive Toxicity

Toxic environments affect teams’ success and mental health. You can’t change the other person’s behavior: protect your effectiveness.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

“Next time, I am going to do what I think is right.”

You have said that.

You invest that next time, your willpower is going to be enough to take you through.

But then people have a word about how right you are, no matter the subject.

What were the results of the project, if you had a say in the meeting, if your hair looks good… With so many interactions each and every day, how could your willpower alone be enough?

You feel like you have to climb a mountain. And when the next time comes, you are already exhausted.

Fortunately, you can solve this.

Here’s what you need to do.

Access the well of a more important resource: your values.

Both in professional and personal environments.

At work, the customer is your final judge. You either get paid to bring in revenue or cut costs. Directly or indirectly, you work and execute for the goal of profitability.

If you do not work alone, there is a second point of evaluation; your boss. Through your boss, you achieve your personal goals: salary increase, promotion, and keeping your job. Your actions improve the image and effectiveness of your boss so that your boss can pursue similar goals.

In total, you are evaluated for the effectiveness of your job and by your boss (Be careful, you change bosses 🙂).

And you set your goals to be effective and support your boss. However, even if you act and show excellence, you may fail. Why?

The goal of profitability is external: it is not controlled by you.

If the market is unpredictable, your product may fail. If your boss wakes up in a bad mood, you miss the promotion.

What can you do to avoid being dependent by others and maintain control of your business life?

Transform external goals into internal ones: 100% responsible. Do what you have to do: set internal goals: What actions do you take to increase revenue? to satisfy customers? to gain more skills? to support your colleagues?

Plan and deliver in your true zone of control & change, not outside.

This way, even if you fail, you learn a lesson.

What about personal interactions?

Well, let’s be honest. Everyone criticizes you, from ironic jokes and passive aggression to insults and bullying.

Rarely you have the ability to stop what the other person wants to say. And the effort to stop negative comments is high and returns little value.

One of the most essential skills you must cultivate is building on the comments you receive. Like the poison, you are slowly exposed to endure and survive, when by itself a snake bite would kill you.

And if the comments are completely unjustified, remember that they are nothing more than hidden insecurities and disguised compliments.

Take into greater perspective the opinion you have about yourself, the opinion that your family and your close friends have.

Think a moment of true despair and personal loss; compare it with the toxic comments. The toxicity will lose its strength.

And please, do not search for positive reinforcement and confirmation. You let the door open for negativity. Yes, positive reinforcement and negativity get to you through the same entrance.

In life, things are simpler. But also more difficult. In life you are not evaluated by your company and boss.

And for sure, you are not defined by other people’s opinions.

When you were a child, your parents were accountable for you and judged you. You may find it difficult to escape. And you are looking for recognition and confirmation from your environment.

However, nobody else lives your life. Nobody has your experiences. Nobody has experienced what you have been through.

Eventually, when you let it, the critical opinions of others become shadows and you question yourself.

Show humility, listen and filter the feedback. And improving yourself is just enough, do not overestimate what other people think of you.

If the benefit of improvement is only for you and zero in relation to others and society, you run the risk of anxiety and negativity. The connection is what counts at the end, to share your improvement with your close ones and your joy with the environment.

In life, you are evaluated by your inner values.

You need to recognize your values and your path; the path that you want to live.

Then, apply your values to the environment you are in, without blindly serving them.

Finally, exercise your self-criticism in your actions, not in your thoughts and feelings.

And do your self-criticism wisely as you would to a loved one, not in a strict way of seeking accusations and condemnation.

Recognizing your values and living by them will not make other people stop saying their opinion.

But you are going to “value” their opinion into the right perspective and your inner energy will stay strong.

So next time you run into the “evaluation” area, remember:

In the end, you are judged by yourself and you belong to groups of people who are judged alike.