The 10 Weirdest Things About Germany (From an American Expat’s Perspective)
By: Sarah Stroh
Tags: Germany, Culture, Travel, Politics, Humor

I’ve been living in Germany for the past year and a half, and now it’s time to share with you the juicy stuff I’ve learned so far about this country.

The stuff you wouldn’t know just by visiting. The stuff that’s either annoying, interesting, or a little bit of both.

Stuff you wouldn’t think twice about if you’re actually from here. But as a foreigner, you notice, and is actually quite telling of the German people.

The magic of any culture can be found in its small details.

1. Two hole punch

In a lot of ways, the two-hole punch in Germany versus the three-hole punch in the US represents the difference between the two nations. In the U.S. we are all about excess. We want more more more, even when we don’t need anymore.

Whereas Germans are more restrained.

Two hole punch. Photo provided by author

They like to use only what they need. That whole German efficiency stereotype you may have heard about it. Well, it’s true.

They turn off the water when they shower and want to lather up. They recycle, they upcycle, they don’t waste food.

And they use two-hole punches. Because two holes is all you need, and anymore would be a waste (insert dirty joke here).

2. Not saying “Nice to meet you.”

This is one supremely awkward German custom (or non-custom) that I still haven’t gotten used to.

So say you’re walking with a friend and they run into another friend and introduce you to them. In the English-speaking world, when this happens, you say, “Hello, nice to meet you.”

But in Germany, you just say, “Hello,” and you stop talking. And it feels so unfinished.

Germans do have a way of saying nice to meet you, but it’s typically reserved for the end of the conversation, like when you’ve actually gotten to know someone a bit — not when you first meet someone.

And this reflects a larger difference between many Europeans and English-speakers. People are just not as excited to meet a stranger in Europe.

It doesn’t mean they don’t like you, they just don’t show it right away. They want to know you a bit first before they let out a big smile to greet you.

3. Pocket Tissues

The translation of tissues in German is “Taschentuch,” which literally means “Pocket towels.”

Americans are no stranger to these portable tissue packets.

Tissues. Photo provided by author

The only difference is: Germans swear by these things. For some reason, they haven’t accepted that tissue boxes are also fantastic for when you’re at home or at an office. They are way more user-friendly.

But in German offices and homes, you rarely will see a tissue box.

Maybe it’s because of the language. The word “pocket” is part of the word “tissue,” so it would just be nonsensical for them to use tissues in a format that couldn’t easily fit in their pockets.

The German language is very strict and logical, and this may have bled into their culture surrounding tissues (to the people’s detriment in this case).

4. No apartment numbers

This is a wholly inconvenient aspect of Germany that I wish would change.

So in New York, or any city I’ve been to in the U.S., people live in apartments with numbers and letters assigned to them.

So for example, I lived in apartment 4B when I lived in New York. This meant that whenever you visited, you just needed to go to my address, buzz 4B, go to the fourth floor (as indicated by the “4” in “4B”) and voila, you would find my apartment.

In Germany, there are no apartment numbers.

“What? How?” you ask. Apartments are distinguished only by the name on the mailbox. And this is inconvenient for a few reasons.

When you get to someone’s address, you have no idea what floor they’re on just by looking at it, so often you have to ask for that separately.

Also often you go to a new friend’s place, and you realize when you arrive you don’t know their last name. So again, you don’t know where to buzz.

When it comes to moving, it’s also very inconvenient. When you move out and your name is no longer on the mailbox, you just simply can’t get mail. And then things often get sent back into the abyss because of it.

Germans tend to have efficient processes, but this one just doesn’t hold up to expectations.

5. Men pee sitting down (sometimes).

When my first German boyfriend (I’m now on my second) and I got together, I once noticed him with the door to the bathroom slightly ajar sitting down on the toilet.

And I was a little disgusted.

Why didn’t he close the door while doing number two? I wondered. This happened a few times and I didn’t say anything about it.

And then one day, I was in the bathroom, and he asked if he could pee while I was brushing my teeth. Then he sat down on the toilet.

“Ew. What are you doing?” I said.

“Peeing,” he said like it should have been obvious.

“Sitting down?” I asked, and he confirmed that it was the case.

Afterwards, I surveyed some friends to make sure this was not unique to my boyfriend.

It turns out that when German men are in the private home of someone they know, they generally pee sitting down.

Apparently, sitting down makes it easier to avoid accidental spray on the seat. It’s out of courtesy for the host. And it’s also more relaxing than is standing up.

My survey also found that American and British men tend to always pee standing up. But maybe they should get with the sit-down program.

6. You can’t just “go” — you must drive or walk.

In other languages I’ve learned (French and Spanish, as well as English) when you want to go home you just say “I’m going home.”

But in Germany, you can’t do that. You have to also say how you are getting home.

So, you either say, “Ich gehe nach Hause,” which means I’m walking home.

Or you say, “Ich fahre nach Hause,” which means either I’m driving home or I’m riding a bike home. (You “drive” a bike as well as a car in Germany).

And an “Exit” is either called an “Ausgang” or an “Ausfahrt” depending on whether you are walking or driving through it.

Way to kill the mystery of how I will reach my apartment, German language!

7. You can’t say happy birthday early.

Germans do not celebrate their birthdays before it happens. So even if your birthday is on a Monday, and you want to celebrate on a weekend, you cannot celebrate it the day or two before but instead five days later.

Otherwise, it’s bad luck.

This makes sense. If you haven’t actually made it to that birthday, then why celebrate being older? It’s like celebrating New Years before the new year.

8. But you celebrate Jesus Christ’s birthday the night before.

Contrary to the logic in the last section, Christmas Eve is the big day to celebrate — not Christmas Day as it is in the U.S. and England.

9. You and your lover sleep with separate blankets.

This, I find to be one of the most atrocious things about Germany. The default in this country is that even with your husband or wife, you sleep with two separate smaller blankets instead of one big one.

I think this goes back to the whole efficiency thing. In some ways it makes sense to have your own blanket. The other person can’t steal it from you in the middle of the night for example.

I could see couples choosing to have their own blankets if they are having trouble sleeping.

But this should not be the standard. What about cuddling! It’s so inefficient for cuddling. Both of my German boyfriends have agreed that it’s nonsense.

10. Heaps of parks

Let’s end on a positive note.

One big benefit I’ve gotten to enjoy about Germany is the amount of land dedicated to parks, squares, or other public spaces.

Photo of author in Tempelhoferfeld, one of many large Berlin parks.

During the quarantine over spring and summer I was able to enjoy several of Berlin’s huge parks, where you feel like you are all of a sudden in the countryside. For example, Treptower Park, Templehoferfeld, Tiergarten, and Hasenheide are all massive, and those aren’t the only ones.

There are only two parks in New York City (Central Park and Prospect Park) that are comparable in size to the many that are in Berlin despite the fact that New York’s population is twice as large.

This is all space that could be used to build more housing or more corporate real estate. But it’s not. It’s protected for everyone’s enjoyment.

Generally, Berlin seems to function in a way that prioritizes human rights and well-being as opposed to profit, more-so than in the U.S. (although New York City is going more in this direction).

That is the number one coolest thing about Germany. I trust in the way the country operates. I trust they will work in my best interest and the best interest of the average person. And that is refreshing.

Germany is not perfect. But it’s a great place to live, feel safe, and be free. I have no plans to leave this country (despite the whole blanket thing.)

Auf wiedersehen.