Pandemic & Parenting: The Story NOT Being Told About COVID-19
By: Torri J. Evans-Barton
Tags: Covid 19, Parental Alienation, Fatherless, Parenting, Fatherhood

’Tis The Season To Be Fatherless. While you’re enjoying the holidays with your children, please don’t forget the dads who’ve been locked out due to the pandemic

Sitting on his porch on Father’s Day 2020, tears welled up in David Earley’s eyes with the sight of every passing car. He knew that he would not be spending the day with his two boys– or probably not any day, anytime soon — and the thought of it all was heavy and crushing. All he could do, was sit there, heartbroken, sad and dreaming of a time when he could see their faces again in-person.

The ongoing pandemic was fairly fresh at the time and his Ex-Wife had made it clear that she did not feel it was safe for the children to see him in-person. He was hopeful that the situation would improve with time. It has not.

Fast forward five months later and this holiday season his predicament is not any better. For him, and legions of other dads across the country, it will mark yet another missed opportunity to make special memories with their children during what has been one of the most trying times in our nation’s history.

While headlines like, “The Upside of Covid-19: Kids Spend More Time with Their Fathers” and “Dads Closer to Kids Due to Covid-19” suggest that the ongoing pandemic — now eight months and counting — is helping fathers build better relationships with their children, the story about how this pandemic has been adversely affecting many fathers has been largely left untold.

In spite of standing orders around the country during the pandemic that all custody and parenting time should be honored and continue as ordered by local courts, an effort aimed at ensuring non-custodial parents, mainly fathers, would not lose any time with their children amid it is not happening. Many custodial parents simply aren’t honoring that, some on the grounds that they don’t believe it is safe for their children to spend time in-person with their dads. And nobody, including the very authorities charged with helping noncustodial parents, mostly dads, is stepping in to help.

As a result tens of thousands of children have been left virtually fatherless during this unprecedented time. Some may ask, why not just go back to court to file a contempt and get a resolution? The answer, is that the courts are backed up and have been for quite some time since the initial pandemic shutdowns. So, by the time a court hearing can happen, for many the gifts will have already been given and the holidays will be over, leaving a lot of sad dads to bear the brunt of tough times.

As the Founder & CEO of the Fatherless Generation Foundation Inc. (TFGF), a one-stop shop reunification service, I get the phone calls and hear the silent cries that have been all but ignored by many. Still, even I feel helpless. Since 2015, I have reunited 3,307 biological fathers with 8,267 children while providing fathers with resources and services that help strengthen, support and elevate their commitment to fatherhood and family values; but even my well-oiled machine can’t overcome the damage that this pandemic has done to an already long-flawed and broken system, that often leaves fathers who seek custody or regular visitation at a huge disadvantage.

The fact of the matter is, that no matter the race or socio-economic background, many men are struggling now to access their children for verbally agreed upon and court ordered parenting time because an ex-partner has deemed them unworthy or simply decides to alienate them, often in retaliation. And COVID-19, unfortunately, is providing some with the perfect excuse to deny access and unfortunately, the children are the one truly paying the highest price.

The pandemic has exposed many weaknesses in our society — from health and wealth disparities to shortcomings in our nation’s healthcare system, and I think our nation’s judicial system should be added to that list. Fathers with no history of abuse, neglect or anything that would put a child in danger, deserve the right to spend time with and bond with their children and COVID-19 should not change that. Grownups need to be, well, grown, and work out a plan that ensures that children are kept saft and also get some in-person time with their dads. Sadly, the 2020 holiday season won’t provide that chance for far too many.

So, as you’re enjoying this holiday season with your family, especially your kids, please don’t forget about the “childless fathers” out there, left with nothing more than a hope for a better 2021. The pandemic may have opened the door to fatherhood for some, but it has also slammed the door in the face of so many others.