The Most Important Lesson on Parenting From 2020
By: Lindsay Brown
Tags: Finance, Life Lessons, Family, Money, Parenting

The Most Important Lesson on Parenting From 2020

It has been a year for learning.

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

As the new year approaches, I can’t help but reflect on the lessons I’ve learned over the past 12 months. We like to get wrapped up in the negatives about this year, and I’m with you. There’s been quite a few. However, there have also been many opportunities for growth and learning.

Parenting has never been a simple endeavour. There’s a lot of pressure that comes with, you know, raising the next generation. And when these difficult times come around, it is easy to want to throw your hands up in the air and say, screw it, I’m done, this parenting thing isn’t for me.

But, because we love our children, we soldier on, and the easiest way to do that is to reflect on how we managed through these challenging moments and learned from the presented difficulties.

Money doesn’t mean everything.

I’ve written extensively on my family’s financial issues, mainly because it’s a tough thing to endure when living paycheck to paycheck and worried about how you will make next month's mortgage payment.

After having been laid off from our jobs at the onset of the pandemic, we were strapped for cash — big time. It was a scary prospect, to be sure. I worried about how we would provide a happy and healthy summer for our children when they weren't allowed to visit with friends, and now we could not afford to make any family trips or even buy them toys for the summer months.

I’ve never been one to think that money means everything. We’ve always lived on a daily thin shoestring budget, but now things were getting even tighter. However, we made it work because that is just what one has to do in times of strife.

We went on picnic walks with the dog. I taught my kids how to garden and use the fresh backyard veggies for cooking. We binge-watched a ton of Netflix and played more board games than I ever thought was possible in a matter of a few months.

I won’t say it was all perfect. There were moments of boredom and stress, but we came together as a family in a way that we never had in previous summer holidays.

It is a difficult thing not to be able to afford to buy the things your children want.

We scrimp on everything and still find ourselves coming up short at the end of some months, so buying little toys and video games on a whim are not in our wheelhouse of parenting techniques — at least this past year.

I can see, in moments of reflection, how difficult this must be for our children.

Sophie doesn’t go on weekend trips to the mall as many of her friends do with their mothers. Although to be fair, even if I had the money, I wouldn’t make a habit of going to the mall because that place is hell on earth if you ask me. I’d take a hole-in-the-wall retail shop along a bustling city street over a crowded mall any day.

Lars, our son, knows that if he wants a new video game, he will have to pay for it or wait until his birthday or Christmas to ask for it as a present. Our children are not spoiled with material goods, and though I want to congratulate myself on this as a parent, I can also see it from their side because this was exactly how I was raised.

Everything we received was for a purpose. No money was wasted in our family — even fast food was a special occasion, as it is in my home as an adult now.

When I was a kid, I used to think this was the most unjust thing in the world.

Why were my parents so damn cheap? What was the problem with getting me those pink plastic sparkly shoes that I wanted when we were in the Cobbs Market the other day? How could my mother deny me like that?

Now, I’ve turned into my mother. As soon as either of my kids gets that whining “I want” voice (which isn’t very often, I might add, because they know), I shut it down immediately, without remorse or further discussion.

“Nope, you don’t need that. It’s a waste of money.”

It’s cold, I know, but I’m sure it would be worse on a mental health level to say, “Well darling, if I buy you this lifesized pokemon Snorlax stuffed animal, then we won’t have money to pay our heat bill, and we might all freeze to death in the frigid Albertan climate.”

So I’ve trained my children to appreciate what they have and anticipate birthdays with a fervour that borders mania. It seems to be working out so far.

Of course, financial security is important to have. And that is precisely why we are unflinching with our finances now so that we can grow our security for the future. We teach our children the importance of savings and how life can throw curveballs, and it is important to have a security net in times of struggle.

We’ve always been careful with our money, but 2020 taught us that there is a real benefit to raising our children without the constant need to placate them with material goods. We taught them about cooking and laundry and found books that they loved to read. We went for long aimless walks with the dog and came up with fairytale stories as we strolled the banks of a river.

These are the moments my children will remember from 2020.

They won’t remember the gifts from Christmas 10 years from now. They will recall sitting around the old army green trunk we use as a coffee table and playing What Do You Meme until our bellies ache from laughing too hard.

They will remember our moments shared and when they are grownups themselves, perhaps raising their own children, they will realize that their best memories didn’t cost a thing.