I Can Do Short
By: Jessika Lakin
Tags: Relationships, Fiction, Single Moms, Sex, Dating

“Oh, oh, I know. Geoff! Tell everyone about your worst dating experience. You know, that story you shared with us at a dinner a few months back,” Lydia says.

“Are you sure? It’s a bit spicy.” Geoff scans our round table of seven in search of approval. Lydia owns and operates Austin Singles Supper Club. Her chestnut-colored spirals tumble over her right shoulder as a silver-plated barrette secures her hair from the left.

Her role as facilitator is to keep the conversation moving among three men and three women. We’re all strangers to one another — all on the prowl for romance, but her flirty nature sends a conflicting message.

She lays her hand on Geoff’s. Is she helping the unmarried to hookup with the unaccompanied, or is she looking to score herself?

“Yes, you must tell everyone. I laugh out loud whenever I think about it,” Lydia says.

“I want to hear your story,” the woman to my right says. She cocks one eyebrow as Lydia gushes. Hmph, she sees it too.

“Okay, here it goes. So, damn.” Geoff casts a glance at Lydia. “What was the question that night?”

Lydia’s dating business model focuses on coordinating intimate dinners at locally-owned Austin restaurants. Attendance is limited to three men and three women, and the conversation starts by answering a list of ice-breaker questions:

You’re on your way to the grocery store. What do you pick up for your lover?

If someone made a costume based on you, what would that costume look like?

What was the worst gift anyone ever gave you?

Everyone pays for their own dinner and drinks on top of the “matchmaking” fee they provide Lydia. After dinner, attendees communicate their interest to Lydia instead of exchanging numbers the night of the supper club. If there’s a mutual interest, then Lydia passes along the contact information.

“The question that night was, ‘What is the most awkward line anyone has ever used on you?’”

“Gotcha. Okay. I’m on this date with this gorgeous gal, and things are, you know, starting to progress at dinner. She loves wine and — as you can likely tell here tonight — I like it too. So things get progressively flirty.”

“I forget. Was this your first date, or your fourth or fifth?”

“Our first, which made what she said all the scarier! We’re sitting there, and the discussion turns a little naughty. I’m more than okay with flirty sex talk, so she starts telling me about some of her favorite positions and the toys she likes.

“I have to admit; I’m getting more and more interested by the second. We talk about continuing the date at her place and, I’m like, ready to pay the bill when she asks, ‘how do you feel about butt plugs?’”

Check, please!

“NO. WAY!” Drake slams his hand on the table multiple times, unable to contain his laughter. Our entire group is busting a gut. Who can imagine such a question coming out of someone’s mouth on the very first date?

People stare from other tables at our raucous response to Geoff’s story.

“So, do you?” I ask, looking directly into Geoff’s eyes. He is cute, and I mean adorable. If you find Greg Kinnear attractive, mixed with a little bit of Michael Keaton, then Geoff is totally your guy.

His bright blue eyes light up the room as he talks. A former actor, he thrives being the center of attention at our dinner. Maybe Lydia invited him back more for our entertainment value than anything else.

“Do I what?” Geoff asks me.

“Do. You. Like. Butt plugs?”

“Let’s just say I didn’t go home with her that night, and that was our only date.”

“Dude, you probably made a good call that night,” gentleman number three says.

Geoff gives the guy a perfunctory nod while maintaining visual contact with me. Meanwhile, Lydia drapes her arm over Geoff’s chair. He sits there, unfazed by her gesture. “I guess the question is, do you like butt plugs?” He asks.

“I don’t know if I’d answer such a question one-on-one, let alone in front of six strangers, but maybe we can talk about it offline some other time.” I give my new friend a wink, reaping my OM coaching benefits as I try to lighten up in the sex and dating department.

“Okay, then,” Lydia says as she pulls her arm back. “That pretty much wraps everything up for the night.” She runs down a list of follow-up steps to take if we’re interested in seeing anyone again.

Geoff meets my eyes with his own as I shoot a glance over to him. I am more than curious about seeing him again, although Drake makes an impression too. We pay our tabs and rise from our table to walk outside.

Temps hold steady around 45° as I walk down the sidewalk. It’s been like this all day, and I’m eager to get home and crank the heat up in my home.

“Hey, wait up a second.”

I turn around to find Geoff approaching. Lydia stands rooted to her spot by the front entrance, her eyes following him as he makes his way to me.

“Whoa, you’re like really tall.”

I slip out of my three-inch heels. “Not really. See? We’re the same height.”

“Hmm. Cute move. Do you ever uhm, or would you ever consider dating someone shorter than you?”

“I’m not a snob about those types of things.” At least not anymore, not with a diminishing pool of quality men to choose from who are single.

“Okay. Great actually. I’m going to tell Lydia, and maybe we can go out in the next week or two.”

“I’d really like that,” I say, slipping back into my shoes. My next purchase will have to be a pair or two of flats. Geoff is cute if not borderline hot, but I don’t want to give the man a complex standing over him if things work their way toward a kiss.

“Have a good week,” he says before turning away.

“You too.” I get in my car to head home, where I will relieve Matilda from her first night with the girls since my date with Peter. Ready to put the car in a park, a text message comes in from Shawn.

Hey Lady. I haven’t heard from you. I hope everything is okay.

When it rains, it pours. I like Shawn and will never have to think twice about wearing heels with him. Plus, he’s as good with his hands as Saffron suspects. The man knows his way around the female body and then some.

Unfortunately, our passionate make-out session in his truck led to a round of antibiotics I’m still taking. Nothing shuts down my interest in someone faster than a urinary tract infection. Nothing!

Shawn’s message stares at me. Part of me feels as though I owe him an explanation. Another part of me feels quite the opposite. How often have I been the one holding out for a second chance at love or romance, waiting for the other to respond?

It’s not just the lingering sting of my date with Peter making me think this way. It’s two-plus decades of dating and relationships that inform my evolving opinion on how best to regard men.

I take another look at my phone before pressing the button to put it in power-save mode. The Kings of Leon continue singing “Sex on Fire” from where I left off two hours earlier.

The song inspires me to crank up the volume as I turn my thoughts to Geoff. I know better than to assume, but something tells me he and I are about to kick off a lovely adventure together.