The Priceless Play of Forgiveness
By: Alex Iglecia
Tags: Entrepreneurship, Purpose, Mindset, Speakers, Forgiveness

What does your forgiveness practice include? How do you know when it’s complete — or complete enough?

I’ve been working with this a lot lately.

You’ve probably forgiven someone something they did.

You’ve probably forgiven yourself for something you did.

Notice it’s usually something bad or perceived as bad?

I’ve noticed with clients and with myself that there’s a hidden layer of experience and behavior that often remains unforgiven.

The good, true, and beautiful.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?

- Marianne Williamson

Think about how much time was lost and how much regret and resentment is still in your system for having feared your power, your goodness, your truth, and your beauty?

I think it’s time to change that.

My updated practice is about forgiveness through a few layers. I feel, use words to lead, and feel more. Here’s the four layers and corresponding example. Each round of this is priceless.

🧡 Forgive their bad or perceived/judged bad

Specifically: “I forgive that person for how they treated me. Even though I wish they had been more patient, I forgive them and let myself end and give up this fight.”

Generally: “I forgive them for their bad, for what I perceive as bad, the mistakes, unmet expectations, harm and hurt, etc.”

🧡🧡 Forgive your bad or perceived/judged bad

Specifically: “I forgive myself for all my reactions, defensiveness, passive-aggression, impatience, and all the reasons and excuse making.”

Generally: “I forgive myself for my bad, for what I perceive as bad, the mistakes, unmet expectations, ill intent, actual harm and hurt, etc.”

🧡🧡🧡 Forgive your good or hiding/withholding of the good

Specifically: “I forgive myself for holding back kindness, for not letting myself have more compassion, for wanting them to feel good, for wanting myself to feel safe, and I’m appreciating myself for safety, patience, and care.”4

Generally: “I forgive myself for my good, my true, my beauty and my power, money, gifts, strengths, wins, love, generosity, etc.”

🧡🧡🧡🧡 Forgive their good etc.

Specifically: “I forgive them for caring when I couldn’t receive it, for loving me even if I couldn’t believe it, for sharing with me in a way I wasn’t open to. I recognize any difference between their intent and their impact, and can be a bit more gratetful for them in my life now.”

Generally: “I forgive them for their good, their true, their beauty and their power, money, gifts, strengths, wins, love, generosity, etc.”

How’s it feel to read that?

Who ARE you now?

Because you’ve just shifted your neurology, biology, psychology, at least a bit.

I’m sure you could play with this and discover all sort sorts of powerful nooks and crannies inside yourself holding so much treasure. You can. Why not?

What if it’s your job get that treasure and give it to yourself? What if you were the only person who could? Could it be worth it?

When doing forgiveness work about anything someone else did, the more time you’ve spent with that person, the deeper each of these rounds will go. Lists help. Patience too.

How far will this practice get you?

Getting through those four for any situation or person gets me 90% resolved and much less headspace renting within a few minutes. Try it for a few days and see how your heart feels. If you run into some big treasures and traps, don’t hesitate to get the support you need from a wise friend or healing professional. Journal, draw, sing, go for a walk. Take it to your coach, or hand over the process to consciousness.

A caveat — it may not be obvious but if you’re in a situation with active abuse or danger, don’t just play with forgiveness. Also, do what you need to in order to be truly safe. With that in place, this process can help you self-regulate your body and creativity while moving forward.

Cool? We’re almost done.

As the wise friend who inspired this post said, “I don’t know why we let folks rent for free; or better yet why we pay them to rent for free with little to no return on investment. It’s crazy. But it is the nature of relationships and growth.”

Brilliant.

If you’re ready, forgive yourself for renting out the inner space of the life you own. It may have been a lot of your life you’ve given up to others.

If you want, forgive yourself for paying anyone to stay. It may have been a lot of time and life you’ve spent paying.

You know what to do.

Make the room for you to grow.

Your life’s ROI is waiting, always ready, for you.