#RiverdaleRecap S3 E19: Fear the Reaper
By: Kara Szamborski
Tags: Drama, Recap, Riverdale, Review, TV

You put ALL your big reveals in one episode?! Weird flex, but ok.

What happened?

Too much!? After what felt like an eternity of filler episodes, things happen all over the place in this one. Bring back the half season format so you can do this all the time instead of just before the midseason finale and season finale!

Me @ this season

The Jones clan has to band together and play a game of G&G with Kurtz in order to get Jellybean back. First, they must rob Pop’s, but Pop pulls a shotgun out and clips FP. Next, Gladys must fight Penny Peabody with sais (I fucking know). Finally, Jughead has to…put himself in a box? The last one is odd, but the point is they save Jellybean, though in the process FP finds out that Gladys is the new Fizzle Rocks dealer in town. She decides to leave Riverdale, but convinces Jellybean to stay.

Sais! In Riverdale! Does the Gargoyle King have a thing for the TMNT?

Meanwhile, Betty breaks into Riverdale High at night to read Evelyn’s records, where she finds a weird list of transcripts. After calling up all of Evelyn’s past schools, she finds out that Evelyn has been saying she’s a junior in high school for over ten years. Oh, friends, it’s not Twilight, but you might wish it was after you find out that Evelyn is 26 years old and married to Edgar, who is planning to marry Alice and adopt Polly’s twins. Betty convinces Penelope to get one of the twins out, but Edgar won’t agree to releasing both. Betty and Toni break into the Farm to get Juniper, the other twin, when suddenly Toni leads Betty into the furnace room where the entire cult is waiting for them…for Betty. When Betty flees, the cult chases her.

INCLUDING TONI WHO IS NOW A FARMIE TOO. UGH.

Archie is blamed yet again for a Riverdale death, with Elio deflecting attention from his shady practices onto Archie’s bad luck. Archie swears to never box again, a promise that lasts until the end of the episode when Veronica asks him to box again. He gives his prize money to his opponent’s sister, so maybe she won’t press manslaughter charges? Also: Elio and Hiram are working together, shock.

I know this is my constant refrain, but do these kids go to school? Veronica is running TWO businesses AND acting as a fixer/agent for Archie, which, fair, he’s a mess, but still.

I guess Archie and Josie have been dating all this time, even though we haven’t seen them together in ages? Anyways, she breaks up with him so she can join her dad on the road to open for his act. Presumably, this is where she gets her NYC spinoff show.

Betty asks Hiram to help get Hal transferred to the new Riverdale prison. Hal is apparently killed en route, but it’s Riverdale, so I doubt.

Kurtz is dead now, probably? Jughead saw him lying on the ground by the feet of the Gargoyle King when Jughead burst his way out of the fridge box he was locked in.

And?

Elio tries to make “Riverdale Reaper” happen as a nickname for Archie. You know what reference applies.

Also, Alice knows Edgar is married to Evelyn and is still cool with marrying him too. Alice, I miss you. Come back to throwing rocks through your own business’s windows and wearing snake queen outfits to piss off your husband and sleeping with FP on the side.

So about that bunker…

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP USING THIS BUNKER?! I realize it’s a cool set, but literally everyone in town knows where it is, and the six hundred candles as lighting system is going to burn the place up one of these days. Just stop it. There are so many other hiding places in town that are more believable as a “secret.” I’m willing to suspend disbelief about so many things while watching this show, but this particular location is damaging my calm.

Also, low-key, Kurtz was knocked out long enough to have sustained some real brain damage, so maybe that’s why Jughead’s box quest was so bizarre.