Becoming The Charismatic Type
By: Ariel Saffer-Spiro
Tags: Friendly, Communication, Socializing, Listening, Inclusion

You know the type. The girl who’s friends with everyone, the one who walks into a room and all of the sudden people are attracted to them. Others want to share their successes with them, share a smile with her, and most importantly be seen and heard by them. Well that’s just it. I’ve noticed that this charismatic person who enters the room and instantly grabs attention, does so because they are known for seeing and hearing those around them.

We know that if we get a chance to speak to them, we will feel seen, heard, and special. So why doesn’t everyone garner this attention from their peers if it’s so easy as just paying attention to the person in front of you? Well, it’s actually quite a skill, one that takes practice and quite a bit of self-confidence, and self-awareness. Here are some tips for how to be known by your peers as someone who will make them feel special. Try these steps, and see how it changes your social interactions.

“Hi, I won’t bite!”

Present yourself as friendly and welcoming, do this by smiling and saying “hello” to new people. You’d be shocked at how many people don’t want to be the first to say Hello to someone new, but if you’re the first one to take the step of introducing yourself, you set the standard and expectation that You’re The Friendly One, you won’t bite, in fact, you include everyone. What if you’re not sure if you’ve met that person before? Still say Hello! Break the ice, and most importantly, be the first one to do the physical ice breaking.

Be Human

There is no greater gift that you can give your peers than being your authentic self. And I know, that’s a big and daunting ask, because for so long we’ve practiced covering up our true non-perfect selves. But here’s a fun reminder: We’re all human, and so it sets you apart and frees those around you by acknowledging it about yourself. Don’t worry about ensuring those around you are genuine, just focus on yourself and bringing your true-self to the table. Showing your vulnerability to the world gives others permission to be vulnerable, and that is a very much appreciated trait.

Listen, no actually, Understand

I’m sure this isn’t new to you, but it’s repeated so much because it is so very important. Listen to understand, listen so that you can actually repeat back what you heard, and listen, not, to respond, but to hear. Have you ever been in a conversation where you’re just waiting for the right moment to interject and say “your line.” I’m sure you have, and that’s normal, but it takes away from hearing what the person speaking is actually saying. If you are focused on saying something specific, you aren’t going to let the conversation move naturally, but instead, you are controlling your peer and hijacking the conversation. Instead, go into the conversation with no expectations and no hidden intentions, because it’s not so hidden and it’s quite a nice treat when one feels like they are genuinely being listened to and understood, and in fact being allowed to guide the conversion.

These tips may seem simple, and you may think that you already do a lot of these steps, but ask yourself how genuine you are in practicing these strategies in the moment, and how easily they come to you. If it’s very difficult for you to Say Hello, Be Yourself, and Actually Listen, then just keep practicing. Once it begins coming naturally for you in social situations, your peers will notice, and your social interactions will greatly benefit.