So, can someone tells me if this is right?
Tags: Help, Elder Law, Law, Dementia, Dad

So, can someone tells me if this is right? Or if this is biased, illegal, and just completely morally wrong…..

My Father has Dementia. It has progressed to medium, maybe medium-severe stages. It has reached the stages where he thinks my mother is cheating on him and he thinks that she is stealing and hiding things from him. At this point she can do nothing right and he is constantly screaming and berating her. It is very colorful, violent, and damaging language. He NEVER STOPS. He breaks her things AND the house. He slashed her tires, rigged her brakes, and took all the batteries and spark plugs. He calls me and explains the different murder plots. He calls at ALL HOURS day or night to scream at the top of his lungs. He is ALWAYS ANGRY and ALWAYS SCREAMING and breaking things. He doesn’t ever calm down! Lately he has started involving me (Ami, 41-year-old) and my daughter (Ashton, 19-years-old; his granddaughter) in his plots of violence. And accusing us of stealing from him and lying, cheating, and trying to “lock him up to take his money”! 🙄 He has MULTIPLE guns hidden and every time my mother finds one and gets rid of it, he pulls out ANOTHER. She caught him online trying to order guns the other night.

(By the way: My mother (Darlene 65-year-old) is a diabetic!!! She MUST take insulin 3–4 times a day and eat a balanced meal, along with rest. It is imperative!!! It is deadly if she doesn’t)!

Anyway, a few weeks ago the threats of violence and murder plots actually turned into real violence. He drug her out of bed and chased her with a hatchet 🪓. He would have killed her if the cops had been any slower. He was axing his way through the locked bathroom door to get to her!!! This last instance is the fifth, the damn fifth time, that the police had been called because of his violence. Every time he has to ‘voluntarily’ agree to go to the psych ward for evaluation. He goes there and the ‘appointed’ nurse practitioner that is the mental health advisor for the county he resides in, always tells the lawyer and the family that he is NOT a problem and that he NEEDS to go home. She has forced my mother on numerous occasions to risk her OWN LIFE in order to take my Dad back home.

This last act of violence was especially extreme and just the LAST STRAW! For my Mother, and definitely for me, constantly worrying! When the cops took him to the hospital 🏥 this time, she refused to pick him up, for BOTH of their safety! The mental health nurse forced my Father to ‘sign’ paperwork to call the 2 of his children that refuse to put him in a nursing home, and EXCLUDED ME, and the other children that live close by and see and hear FIRST HAND the damage that is occurring. And how far gone he has become. The children that were called live in different states and see him twice a year, maybe! That will NOT give my Mom a voice or let her make an educated, precise, expensive, and safe decision. That would benefit everyone involved.

I need help!!!!

I could write a book about all the dilemmas and disagreements that are happening. I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND how the WIFE, my mother, doesn’t have ANY Say-So in where he goes, what happens, and his well-being!?! And how the nurse can act in a two-faced, biased, and derogatory manner!?