How Accepting the Emotional Components of ADHD Has Helped to Stabilize Me
By: Gretchen Lee Bourquin, Pom-Poet
Tags: Mental Health, Writing, This Happened To Me, Emotions, Adhd

When most think of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD, they think about focus issues. They think of not being able to sit still, or being overly “dreamy.” But ADHD is more than that. There is also an emotional component that is often overlooked or downplayed. I know that was the case for me. There is also a different dynamic to ADHD, depending on whether you have hyperactive-impulsive type, inattentive type, or combination type. This is a simplified look at what ADHD looks like.

ADHD Types

Hyperactive-Impulsive Type is most frequently diagnosed. It is the kid that won’t sit in their chair and fidgets. They talk out of turn, are impulsive, and have self-control issues.

Inattentive Type has more of an internal type of hyper. Sustained attention, organization, and following instructions are all difficult. They are prone to forget or lose things and are easily distracted.

Combination types have elements of both types. I am mostly inattentive, although I have blurted out answers and when it comes to small appliances there is a definite weakness.

I have written several pieces on Medium that relate directly to ADHD

I’m Okay Right Now, But Wait Five MInutes: I Could Be the Mess You’re Expecting

It’s Okay to Cry Over Spilt Milk: Why I’ve Stopped Feeling Guilty About My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Finding the Right Track: Why I Don’t Have to Force Myself Down a Neurotypical Road to Succeed With ADHD

Stop Me Before I Say Something Stupid: The Angry Side of RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria)

Looking for an Open Door (poem)

Shouting in an Empty Room (poem)

How Medium Became My Mirror

While my sensitivity issues have always been there, they were brought to the forefront when I started writing for Medium. When acceptance and rejection and being flat out ignored the emotional components kicked in hard. I know rejection is part of a writer’s life on every level, but I was in a vulnerable place. As I looked to understand my ADHD, I discovered that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is a real and challenging component of ADHD. It often keeps people from taking risks and living life.

Ditching the Guilt and Comparison

Knowing that you are upset over a small thing in a big way can make many people, including myself, feel guilty for feeling. I made a conscious decision to embrace the feelings and reject the guilt as much as possible. If no one is reading my story or article and it upsets me, it upsets me. I might feel that rejection with the intensity that someone might feel waiting for a kidney. Of course, the intensity is way blown out of proportion, but as the feeling is happening, there is no way to cut that intensity. Scolding yourself for feeling what you feel will only make things worse. That’s what I had to stop doing.

Crying, Ranting, and Writing

I know I must have looked weak and hysterical as I wrote about the horror and loneliness and feelings of worthlessness as I equated the entirety of my self-worth on whether or not someone clapped for me. If I wasn’t a writer, what was I? Perhaps someone else said something in the wrong way that upset me. Maybe they don’t mean it. Maybe they lack understanding. Maybe there is something wired within them that no amount of explanation can make them understand. When my logic is in direct opposition to someone else's, I often rant. It may be in writing. It may be me pacing around and talking to myself. When the dust settles, I find something real.

Unfelt Feelings Eat You

It is never bad to feel, but reacting to feelings in a way that hurts others can be. My rejection sensitivity can come as sorrow and guilt and bring on crying spells, or it can be a big sense of injustice and create anger. Blindly lashing out, either at yourself or at others can be dangerous. Writing things down can give those feelings a controlled lane. In a way, it can be a form of meditation because it forces you to articulate your own feelings, which will help diffuse them more naturally. Swallowing little bombs does no good in the long run. They will build, and they will explode.

I still have personal outbursts, but since facing the reality that my control and responsibility do have some limits, these outbursts are less invasive to my life and my writing.