3 Do’s and 3 Don’ts in Communication with Cats
By: Hayden Norman
Tags: Cats, Communication, Pets, Pet Care

Communication with cats is more complicated than it may look. We can easily miss important messages or send very wrong ones. We don’t speak cat and as our cats try to learn our language, we should also learn how to communicate with them correctly.

Why is it so Complicated?

The first reason is that we humans rely on verbal communication while cats show what they mean. Second, to many people’s surprise, cats don’t get us when we meow as we can never meow like a real cat.

To make things easier and reduce misunderstandings, we should learn the body language our cats use to tell us what they want and how they feel. Of course, most people know that when a cat hisses at them it’s not a good sign. They also think a cat purrs only when it feels happy, but that’s not always the case. So, what should we do?

Pay Attention to the Tail

The tail is an extremely important element in communication with cats for both other cats and us humans. The way it is curled and how the fur on the tail is can tell us a lot. Below are some of the most common tail-messages we get:

Tail straight up, curling at the end: Happy

Fur on tail sticking up: Very excited

Tail vibrating: Very excited and happy

Tail fur sticking straight up while the tail curls in the shape of an N: Extremely aggressive (you can probably tell by how it hisses and shows fangs too)

Tail fur sticking straight up but the tail held low: Aggressive or frightened

Tail held low and tucked under the back: Frightened

So, generally, when the tail is held low something is wrong. Some people think something is wrong when the tail twitches or vibrates, but they are positive signs as long as it is accompanied by a threatening hiss or meow.

Listen and Watch

Cats prefer body language, but when they see how we don’t get what they mean, they try to verbalize their thoughts and needs. Usually, the aggressive or upset meows come after a curled back and low body. Thus, even if we don’t recognize the meow, we can still tell something is wrong.

Another important part of communication with cats is the eyes. You have perhaps noticed that when your cat is playful the pupils are dilated (don’t they look adorably cute then?). However, they can also get those pupils wide open because they are afraid or aggressive. Again, other signs, the context and the body language can help you distinguish.

For example, if your cat comes to you, meows in a somehow high-pitched manner, walks toward something or somewhere and keeps looking back at you, follow it. There might be something that the kitty wants from you. Following the cat upon the signal can also build trust.

Although you shouldn’t stare in the cat’s eyes (will get to this in a moment in the “don’ts” section), when she/he does it, it shows trust and positive feelings. You can look at them and blink slowly to communicate love and affection.

Know Your Cat’s Preferences

Another important cat communication term is how they approach you and what they want. Some cats don’t like strokes that much, many love it, and all of them have favorite spots that can differ from cat to cat.

They also have favorite dishes and places to sleep or relax, which are much easier to detect than more personal things. One thing that you should be careful about is belly strokes. Many cats are very sensitive toward the belly and even if they lie on their back and show the belly, they might not expect you to touch it. You should be more careful with this delicate spot and make sure that the cat wants it, otherwise it can mean “abuse of trust” to the cat. Start by chest strokes and see how they like it.

There are more things to be careful about and not do, but I can cover only three general and important ones here.

Don’t Shout at Them When You’re Upset

Cats are not kids. When you shout at a kid, you can later apologize and tell them that you were upset and under pressure and you lost it. When you shout at a cat, you ruin the trust and the good relationship and you can’t explain it later.

Another VERY important point is that you shouldn’t use their name in a higher voice or a lower pitch to indicate that you’re upset. Always just go with an assertive “no” in a lower pitch and even a gentle push that tells the cat she/he is not welcome right now.

Don’t Hold Them Too Tight

I know, I know. They’re so fluffy and soft and huggable that you can’t help but squeeze them. Well, this is not how the kitty sees it. It will lead to a feeling of unsureness and fear and they might even claw and hurt you.

Instead of squeezing, you can show love by strokes on favorite parts. If you really feel like hugging them tightly and squeezing them, squeeze a pillow. :D Much safer.

Don’t Stare in Your Cat’s Eyes

As briefly pointed out before, you should never stare in your cat’s eyes, even when they do it. A constant stare is a threat, not a sign of affection, and can urge aggression. They might attack you in a not-so-playful way.

When the cat does it, it’s a sign of affection and trust. but you are not a cat and the cat somehow knows it, so you should pick safer ways to show love. For example, treats and toys can be a good sign.

Final Words

Cats, like humans, have different personalities. Different breeds tend to have specific characteristics in general, but there is no definite general rule. However, you can try to understand and successfully communicate with your cat if you try to learn how they read your body language.

Good luck telling your cat you love it!