Holding Space
By: Christine Whiteside
Tags: Wellness, Authenticity, Holding Space, Inclusion, Acceptance

The idea of what it means to interact with the world, with other humans, with ideas, and even with ourselves has been floating around my mind lately.

In the last few months things have changed — the expectations of how we hold ourselves and interact with others have shifted greatly. What may have seemed rude or strange before (such as not coming right up to the counter at a store, or not interacting with neighbors in common spaces) is now accepted and encouraged. We have been given space and asked to give space, physically. The sidewalks have even gotten wider. The conversation is shifting towards recognizing that how we have been doing things (in many arenas) may not be the best or only way. I believe that this is the beginning of something amazing.

To quote someone I admire, “Imperfection is literally the only option” (Lisa Olivera). We live in a world that is not binary, it is not black and white, it is not perfect, it is brilliantly colorful and it is beautifully nuanced. Perfection and the idea of the “right way” does not leave room for nuance. It does not leave room for what it means to be a human, to have been shaped by imperfect systems and imperfect people. Our social fabric has evolved with deeply integrated ideas of what is good and bad, right and wrong and we act subconsciously addicted to shame and assigning blame.

The creation of space considers our humanness, it allows it.

Recognizing that reality is subjective is important. Shared experiences, such as work and play, can be wonderful and create bonds that strengthen us, but knowing that every human experiences and interprets everything from their own unique perspective is the first step to creating space. We do not have to agree with or condone things that do not sit well with us personally, but accepting that there is no perfect, no right and wrong, and that there will always be differing perspectives and allowing that is needed. Now, maybe more than ever.

We are human first.

Before we are children, siblings, parents, partners, employees, friends — we are human. And there is no operating manual and sometimes things are messy and hard. Yet we exist with pressures of a “modern world” and “advanced society” and people struggle to find balance and reconcile their inner reality with what is expected of them. Industries have been created in the name of self improvement, as if being a human was not enough, as if our individual existence is not enough. Holding space is first a recognition that no one chooses themselves into existence and their very humanness is enough. Whatever that might look like, they are deserving of being able to show up to every situation as themselves. Without being shamed or blamed. We will not always understand others, but we do have the choice in every moment to accept another’s humanness without diminishing it. From a place of acceptance I believe we can begin to have conversations that can help us understand. Real conversations where we are speaking from our truth without fear, without shame, without blame, with a feeling that we each can show up as we are. We will not always be the same people, we have an amazing capacity to change and grow, but until we are given the space — with others, and very much with ourselves, to show up right now as we are right now, how do we ever find our center? If interactions continue to be veiled with expectations and reactions instead of curiosity and acceptance how do we go deep enough to even begin to grow.

Authenticity and inclusion are words I hear (and use) often. I love that they are part of the conversation, and I recognize that sometimes they lack a true understanding of what it means to get there — holding space. Space that considers and allows us to be humans, that welcomes everything, and shames nothing, even the uncomfortable, the divergent, the non-understandable. In that space we can begin to honestly share, we can feel heard, seen, and loved (aka accepted as an imperfect human) and we can expand our awareness of what this life and weird wide world are all about.