“Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.”
By: Alexandra Dobriyanova
Tags: Self-awareness, Failure, Self Improvement, Motivation

This quote by Samuel Beckett has both amazed and haunted me ever since I first read it. What does it even mean? And why does it trigger me so much?

Here’s the thing — I have always been a procrastinator with perfectionistic qualities… or maybe vice versa. Truth is that by avoiding the input of effort into any of my tasks, I always got away unscathed, and with bonus points for being just smart enough to pass. By the time high school turned to college, I realized there were only two ways to go — the 4am deadline binger route or the slow and steady track.

As much as I enjoyed galloping through university in the final 2 minutes of my deadline as my sole excuse for cardio, the time for shedding that identity was upon me. The first time I actually submitted something on time however, the following realization struck — I still had time to fix it. I had all the time in the world. In fact, I could keep on fixing it. Forever. Why? Because I am not good enough, and never will be.

And before you start coming at me with the “Oh yes you are!” and “Don’t degrade yourself like that!” comments — listen. I am not good enough, because I can always be better. Instead of having that put me down and keep me from failing, because “two more hours of editing will certainly fix it”, I came to realize they won’t. They can make me feel better about submitting the project, but at the end of the day it will be as good as my skillset allows it to be at that current moment. And besides — every failure is a lesson. Every success — not so much.

When I achieve a great success by my own standards, the following tends to happen — I celebrate it, receive my daily ego-boost, and then move on to a bigger, better thing. Failure is a different story — I cry, get angry, hit my hand on a hard surface while screaming at the top of my lungs and instantly regret that… and then cry some more. Once I calm down, I try to fix it. I troubleshoot the entire situation, replay it in my head a dozen times and try to find a logical method for correcting it. If that is impossible, I feel guilty while overthinking it again, but ultimately consider it a lesson learnt and close the case. That’s the difference — failure helps me reflect on how I failed, while success is often a given.

We are constantly exposed to other people’s highlight reels. The best moments of their lives, whether it be on social media or in person. Nobody likes to brag about their failures — that doesn’t make us feel high and mighty. But it should. Having the courage to fail brings you closer to your goals if you take advantage of it. It often means that you care enough as to put 110% of yourself in something, and then release it to bare its judgements.

More often than not, it’s the fear of failure that leads us to fail. Many people, me included, never really attempt anything out of this exact fear, or if we do, we half-ass the shit out of it, just in case. This fear of failure, criticism and public disgrace, is all around us, especially now that we are so connected online. You can have a miniscule slip-up, and the whole world will come crashing down around you. Everyone will know. People will expose you as a fraud, your high school crush will unfollow you and your life will be in ruins.

Don’t fret. Failure only means that you are trying to learn something. You are trying to grow and move forward. Become a better you. And if someone wants to make fun of that, let them. It’s their choice to focus on your failure and not on their own, because believe me — everybody fails. Almost everyone you admire has had a huge failure at some point that they had to overcome. Once you look failure in the eye, laugh at it and then willingly continue your endeavor despite the chance of making a complete fool of yourself, you’ll see there is nothing scary in that. And the safer you feel in embracing failure, the more adventurous you’ll get in the ways you attempt triumph.

I have gotten to a point when I’m no longer “in it to win it” at any cost — my goal is to do the best job I can do, with my current knowledge and abilities. If that means failure, so be it — at least I tried, gave it my best and refused to back down in the face of adversity. We should all be more appreciative of our failures. After all, it takes a winner to prosper, but it takes an even bigger winner to fall down, rise up and shoot for success once again, without losing sight of his or her goals.