I’ve Never Held A Job Where I Wasn’t Sexually Harassed
By: Audrey Zetta
Tags: Management, Self Improvement, Sexual Harassment, Business, Metoo

It happened to me; I tried and failed to keep it from happening to others

Photo by sps universal on Unsplash

I‘ve been subjected to many different types of harassment over my years working, as has every woman I’ve ever spoken to about work.

Early on, age 13–15, there were the fathers of the kids I babysat. The husbands usually drove me home and seemed always to need to touch me a lot. Sometimes, if the wife went straight to bed, they would try to give me beer or wine. Later, at age17, I refused advances from a father/husband, who also was the manager of the fast-food restaurant where I worked after school. He immediately took me off the work schedule, effectively terminating my employment.

Then there was the Christian boss who told another employee and me to wear white t-shirts so he could have a wet t-shirt contest. He also would give us back and neck massages when we looked ‘stressed.’ I decided to go back to college, in part, to get away from this boss. As I was searching for school funding, my boss declined to write me a letter of recommendation for scholarships. Instead, he said, I didn’t need college, I needed to tend to my husband and volunteer in my church. By describing that experience in my scholarship applications, I ended up receiving a large amount of scholarship money.

The stories of sexual harassment go on and on, in every job I have ever held, whether it was blue-collar, retail, or professional.

Therefore, when my brother and I decided to open a retail business, I was determined that my company would be a safe space for everyone, including women, LGBTQI+ people, and people of color. I carefully put together the employee handbook and made sure all incoming employees knew my commitment to diversity and acceptance. Harassment of any type would not be tolerated.

My brother and I built a successful company, eventually opening six brick-and-mortar stores and building a large online business. I worked to have diverse employees. We partnered with local employment organizations and hired single mothers who were getting free of welfare programs, disabled people, student interns, and veterans. Our staff was racially diverse and had more women than men in management positions. Employees felt safe with us, I thought. One high school age employee came out to us before he came out to his family, and we had several other LGBTQI+ employees. We banned a customer for using a slur toward a gay employee and had them escorted from the mall.

My validation came when we had employees stay with us for years, and invite us to significant events such as their weddings. I felt that we were doing a pretty good job of creating a workplace where people felt safe and valued.

And yet, harassment happened.

After ten years, my brother and I were both going through complicated and all-consuming divorces and decided to close the stores. We had a few employees who had been with us that entire time, and we gave them paid time off to find other jobs, and severance pay when the stores closed. The week the stores were closing, a former employee who worked with us through her college years contacted me and asked to get together.

During our coffee date, Sara caught me up on her life and thanked me for the job opportunity. She said that she learned responsibility, customer service, and how to hold a job by working for us, “even though she learned a lot of it from Creepy Bob.”

“What?” I said. I knew Bob was a problem manager- we fired him years ago for money discrepancies, but I didn’t realize employees found him creepy. Sara went on to tell me stories of his sexual harassment of the female employees, including her.

As I expressed my shock, dismay, and sorrow, Sara told me not to worry about it. After all, the manager at the restaurant next door to our business pressured the female employees to come home with him and his wife for ‘naked parties.’ Our company was a dream to work for in comparison.

After that, I did more investigating and found out that there was sexual harassment in the company. The stores with female managers had little to no harassment and zero from the female managers toward the employees. However, I heard stories of ‘uncomfortable sexual teasing’ between employees.

The stores with male managers had more stories of harassment overall, mostly in the form of crude jokes. In one case, a manager was dating an employee — something we prohibited unless the manager or employee moved to a different store.

Over the ten years, not one employee came to us with a complaint of sexual harassment. When I contacted former employees, they all said the harassment was so much less than other workplaces that it wasn’t worth bringing up.

As I moved on to a professional job, I kept thinking about the harassment in my previous company. At my new job, I again experienced harassment. For example, the male owner of the company would sit in my office and rate the women as they walked by. He stopped when I protested but eventually continued, adding, “I’m probably not supposed to say this.”

Now that I have seen harassment as an employee and employer I have a few ideas on how to lessen it in the workplace.

Start the conversation during onboarding

When I was hiring employees, as part of the orientation/onboarding process, I would go over sexual harassment, racism, and bullying. During the conversation, I would ask employees if they had ever experienced any of these things at work. In 15 years of hiring, every single woman has said yes, she had experienced harassment. If people felt comfortable, I asked them to share experiences, reiterated the zero-tolerance policy, and invited them to come to me to discuss any problems.

In my 15 years of hiring, every single woman I’ve asked has experienced sexual harassment in the workplace

Training

Many states have mandatory sexual harassment and bullying education requirements for managers and employees. Even if your state doesn’t, plan and hold training at least yearly.

Harassment training can be awkward. Employees hate it and feel it takes them away from their work. Much of the material available is outdated and even silly.

But, training lets you as a manager or employer stand up regularly and say that harassment and bullying are unacceptable. It is also an excellent chance to explore examples of behavior that is not ok. I was surprised at how many men and women did not think a poster of a naked man in common areas was inappropriate. Additionally, many people know what makes them feel uncomfortable, but don’t realize those actions might be harassment.

Consider including seminars about privilege, including male privilege and white privilege. Like harassment and bullying, people need to hear about privilege several times to absorb and accept it.

Continue the conversation as part of normal business operations

When having one-on-one meetings with employees, invite them to be open about any issues. Specifically ask about bullying, harassment, and marginalization. If you make it a part of every conversation, it hopefully becomes something employees feel comfortable discussing. Small issues can be discovered and corrected before becoming problems.

When alerted to issues, deal with them quickly

Believe the person. Don’t assume anyone is lying or exaggerating. Follow the law to protect the accuser and the accused. Be as proactive and swift as possible for the comfort of all.

Make the difference you can

I know that this is not a comprehensive list, and it does not address every issue or incident of harassment. The problem sometime seems insurmountable. As managers and business owners, we have a responsibility (and hopefully a strong desire) to provide a safe environment for employees. Hopefully we can make a difference so eventually all 13 year olds can babysit without being hit on by adults, and employees can walk past their boss without being rated on their looks.