Liberty and Wedding Cake for All in DemocracyLand™ !
By: Kaufman
Tags: Democracy, Constitution, Amusement Parks, Gay Rights, Hillary Clinton

By Kaufman & Hacker

Come with us to the good old days…

Come with us to 2014…

Come with us to DemocracyLand™, the nation’s only theme park dedicated to preserving the ideals of the American Republic.

Your Blended Family Freedom Pass is waiting for you at the gate. Everyone is guaranteed the right to ride, the right to eat and the right to exercise every one of their Constitutional freedoms within the bounds of DemocracyLand™’s 51-square acre park without fear of being shot or attacked by their President on Twitter!

Whatever you believe in — equal rights, gun control, science — you’ll find a protest about it. All protests are posted on DemocracyLand™’s website 24 hours in advance so you can reserve your tickets and assemble peacefully. And if you trip and fall or lose your voice or eat one of our Soy-O-Soy!®GMO-free corn dogs or one fried Milky Way too many, we’ve got you covered: Health care is free for everyone while they’re in the park even those with pre-existing conditions (including pregnancy).

March down Main Street with DemocracyLand™’s Harvey Milk character performer in DemocracyLand™’s own LGBTQIA+ Pride Parade. Billie Jean King often surprises us with a visit!

Take a walk on one of DemocracyLand™’s protected nature trails! You might even run into Hillary and her dogs. The real Hillary! Hillary is a regular visitor to DemocracyLand™! She’ll take a selfie with you! She’ll laugh her Hillary laugh! And she won’t lie about everything.

Visit the border and tear down the wall! A new one goes up every night at no cost to the American taxpayer or to our Mexican neighbors who are just waiting for you on the other side with baskets of hot tamales and frosty bottles of a cold local microbrew. And when you cross back over late at night after the fiesta, no uniformed agents will rip your sleeping children from your arms.

Climb on to the Gerrymander and strap in! Ride the swoop-de-doop-de lines of district division in Pennsylvania! Up, down, upside down! Whee! Congressional district manipulation has never been this much fun!

One person, one vote? You bet! DemocracyLand™ welcomes your participation in our government. We use paper ballots, certified human tallying (CHT) and, best of all, you get to keep the pen! There are plenty of pens for everyone in DemocracyLand™! Just think! At any time yours could be the deciding vote on the governor, a senator or two, maybe even a county commissioner. Same day registration. No proof of citizenship required.

Your kids are instantly logged in to the Hackers Situation Room where American youth save what’s left of the integrity of the election process from cyberenemies both foreign and domestic! Wherever they are in the park, GenTech kids can cyberjoust with Russian troll farms, divert and destroy Russian hack attacks and embed shattercodes in Putin’s Swiss bank accounts.

Grab your board shorts and hang 10 on the Blue Wave™in our solar-powered waterpark. Towels courtesy of HempLove, a division of High & Mighty, the employee-owned company that also provides DemocracyLand™ with all its edibles.

Take your toddlers on the Saved Species carousel where they can ride on the backs of orcas, grizzlies, wolves and prairie dogs who are under no threat from anyone in DemocracyLand™.

And don’t leave DemocracyLand™ without celebrating a gay wedding. There’s one every day at the Unity Church on Rule of Law Square. Try a slice of maple crème fraîche wedding cake with a drizzle of lavender mint glaze baked by DemocracyLand™’s inclusive bakers. Take some home for grandma!

Of the people, by the people, for the people.

DemocracyLand™.