Regarding Midlife ~ My Comfort Zone & Being Joyfully Judgemental
By: Mike Decastro
Tags: New Jersey, Aging, Life Lessons, Humor, Life

Many years ago, my wife and I lived in a small condo in a converted school-house in Morristown NJ. I sometimes recall with warmth, a neighbor of ours, Mr. Ryan. He was the kind of fellah that a younger respectful chap would not call by first name unless invited, and I never was. Mr. Ryan carried well-deserved confidence and formality like a Lyrical Ballerina carries grace… he owned it. I remember too, thinking that Mr. Ryan was a bit judgemental. Not in a way that would mark him as unsocial or unkind. In a way that let the world know that there was a well-defined comfort zone present, into which you were included or not, based on your own merit.

A couple of decades and the breezy carefree energy that inhabits youth have passed. And as I stare at my upcoming 56th Birthday square in the eyes, I believe Mr. Ryan may have been on to something. Time and the nonlinear life-path I’ve traveled has enabled an infrastructure to evolve for my own well-defined comfort zone. As for being judgemental; call it a midlife guilt-free perk earned but never abused.

All are welcome within my Comfort Zone as long as you abide by my appreciation for a few things…

American Cheese Appreciation: This much-maligned taste-treat, the “Honey Boo-Boo” of cheeses, sits upon a pedestal, spotlighted as a Locus Classicus of low-end late-night, hang-over gourmet. I’m talking about the kind of American Cheese that is fresh-sliced at the deli, not the shite with an infinite room temp shelf life. How can you not love this classic, what with the creamy, salty, super-melty of it all? American cheese, like 1970’s era Linda Carter Wonder Woman, kicks ass.

Avatar LARPing, you can’t not love this. #KindredSpirits

Niche’ Hobby Appreciation: Star Trek conventions, LARPing, Re-enactment groups, guerilla knitting, weather gurus, furries; the list is endless. All these niche hobbies and the folks who embrace them are very near & dear to my heart. These folks have flipped the bird to the mainstream and created their own mainstream, and that’s about as cool as one can get. Too, I live for a good story, and if time is taken to get to know a niche hobbyist, there is usually a quality story behind their passion. Weird. Wonderful.

Religion & Politics Matrix Appreciation: There are only two forces within this matrix for me. The first is a soul-deep belief in the principle simply and powerfully written about by Viktor Frankl, in his book, “Man’s Search For Meaning”. Frankl, a Holocaust death camp survivor, asserts that there are only two races that exist in humanity, “ the decent and indecent”, and that these two races are present in every facet of life. And that no profession or calling is unique to either race. There are decent and indecent politicians, grammar school teachers, police officers, poets, criminals and so on. Within my comfort zone, only your values are of concern and the behaviors that follow them. I cast a very wide and welcoming net, and in doing so am succored by ideas and beliefs from every corner of Heaven and humanity.

Venn diagram courtesy of MentalFloss

The second force serves to define me politically, and help me articulate my hopes for the future of the country and the role of government. I am all about the spiritual/philosophical Venn diagram. No single political party or ideology has a monopoly on truth nor how best to serve and govern. And zealots know least of all how to accomplish those goals. There are places on a Venn diagram where political parties, ideologues and spiritualists, overlap. And that is the sweet spot where “We the people” thrive.

Summation ~ American Cheese & Niche Hobby appreciation about not taking yourself too seriously and being inspired by folks who love themselves enough to be unabashedly, unique. The Religion & Politics Matrix about opening our minds and hearts to wisdom beyond our own private reality. Knowing that the more “We the people” are separated from each other, the more we are weakened as a nation, and on a personal level. That our current national dilemmas are less about a broken system, and more about the broken people we allow to run the system.