1. “Be Safe”
Tags: Daughters, Adulthood, Teens, Parenting, Parenting Advice

As your daughter is walking out the door for school, or on a date, or to a party, or to a friend’s house, or to church… the classic parental saying of “be safe” normally is said to the back of her head as she forgets to say goodbye.

But what do you even mean by be safe? Do you mean,

Don’t speed.

Watch where you’re going.

Don’t drink.

Don’t drink and drive.

Don’t text and drive.

Don’t get into a car with intoxicated people.

Don’t be stupid.

Don’t die.

Obviously, don’t be stupid and don’t die are kind of blanket statements that most kids hear instead of be safe. You may want to start being more specific.

About a month ago, I was at a QT Gas Station- notoriously one of the most safe gas stations- and I had just gone inside to purchase a sandwich. I walked out quickly afterwards to my car afterwards, got in, and prepared to drive away.

I drive a 2020 vehicle, and one of the nice safety features on the majority of new cars is that only the driver side door unlocks if you press the unlock button on your key fob once. More than once usually unlocks all doors of the vehicle.

I didn’t even have time to sit my sandwich in the backseat before I heard a tug at my door handle, and found an older man in a hoodie and jeans staring at me through my passenger side window.

I was in a populated public place, with cameras, people, in broad daylight and a man tried to get in my car.

He proceeded to try one more time, still looking at me, and then said “MY BAD WRONG CAR.” He walked to the opposite end of the parking lot and disappeared.

Uh, I’m sorry sir, you just happened to forget the appearance and parking space of your seemingly non-existent car, so then when your abduction or assault or robbery attempt failed, you just happened to remember that it wasn’t even parked in the QT lot in the first place?

I don’t know what he was planning to do had my door been unlocked, and I don’t want to know. I am thankful for new safety features, because usually I lock my car doors right away when I’m somewhere alone.

I ended up calling the QT and alerted the management of the suspicious man, who then alerted authorities, because this was obviously not an individual who had simply tried to open the wrong car.

I called my father afterwards, who was roughly 150 miles away. I told him what had happened, and he asked the typical concerned parents questions of: Are you alright? Did you call the police? Did anyone see what happened? Are there cameras?

I love and appreciate my father, don’t get me wrong. But I am 21-years-old, on my own in another state simply trying to purchase a sandwich and I nearly get kidnapped. What was my father going to do in this situation?

Nothing. He couldn’t protect me, but they told me to lock my doors 27,000 times a day when I first got a car. Wonder if that sunk in..

He ended the phone call with: Goodbye, I love you, be safe.

About 6 months before the QT incident, I was at a Walmart. I had been in the store no longer than 10 minutes before finding my item and leaving. It was spring, so the sun was still shining at about 6:00 pm. Before I got out into the parking lot, I had noticed a man leaning up against a vending machine nearly break his neck trying to check me out or something.

I was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. My hair was in a bun. This was not my most attractive moment.

The man decided to peel off from the vending machine and follow me out the door. Luckily I had seen him begin to pursue me, so I didn’t walk to my car. I began to walk to the other Walmart entrance, maybe 40 yards away.

He still was behind me and was close enough at this point to where I could almost see his face out of my peripheral vision. I decided to be proactive in this situation, so I whipped around and stared directly at his eyes.

He looked astonished that I had stopped in my tracks and was now plainly staring him back. He goes: Hey girl, can I tell you something real quick?

I said: Sir, if it was quick you would’ve said it when you first saw me inside, rather than following me out here.

I had began to walk backwards, still towards the opposite entrance, trying to memorize his outfit and features in case I needed to recall them later- if something happened. He then said: I just was looking at them legs, you gorgeous baby!

I said: Sir, that is clearly not a compliment if this encounter has resulted in me being uncomfortable.

I couldn’t really understand what he was saying at this point because it appeared as though he may have been under the influence. He just hand gestured wildly a few times before turning back around and staggering the direction of the first entrance.

Luckily, yes, I do have rather long legs and I moved quickly enough to cover the remaining distance to the second entrance, told an employee about the incident, and got walked to my car. But at this point he was gone.

I told my parents upon returning home about my incident, but once again, what was there for them to do? Go to the store with me every time I need something? Get gas with me whenever I need to fill up?

You cannot protect your child from everything, you can only wish safety upon them and hope that they are prepared enough to be proactive in situations where physical safety is threatened. You can’t tell them not to go places either, because that just isn’t logical.

The world itself is not a dangerous place; it’s bad people that make it that way.

If your daughter ever has the suspicion she’s being followed or watched, she needs to be proactive in reporting it. This may seem uncomfortable and like paranoia, but it’s better to seem stupid than to get stolen.

She needs to be aware of her surroundings. She needs to minimize public distractions that can put her at risk to being more vulnerable to surprises. She needs to be safe.

If your daughter is going somewhere on her own- school, a restaurant, a movie theater, grocery shopping, a bar, etc- then you can’t always be chaperoning in the background. Make sure that when you tell her to be safe, she knows what that means. It’s not so much your concern for her doing something stupid, it’s the world around her.

Lock your doors when you get in the car. Do not have your head in your phone or be distracted walking alone from public places.