Random Self Expression
By: Işıl Nalcıoğlu
Tags: Prejudice, Expression, Bias, Covid Diaries

These upcoming paragraphs are not about diagnostic and well-thought synthesis of an circumstance of my self existence, rather it’s more about a search for only self expression itself for that there ain’t no platform in my knowledge that I can only just express without belonging to any category or seeking for approval. I would wish a space just to connect, just to know if someone else feels the same as I do, because I know acknowledging self as unique is bias and blindness at some point.

However feeling of connection always comes with an aim either to date or to be appreciated with shares and likes. I guess we have missed the point how sheer conversation without a concrete statement or logic feels the soul and how human it is. I have never asked how someone feels unless I have something to ask for, if they are not my close friends for a long time. To be honest-as we all should be at least to ourselves- we also have an aim to shot for our friends too. Even if it’s for a coffee to go out to entertain ourselves. This state of mentality is insecure. Not everything has to serve your purpose or to be manipulated as life is just life. Walking is life, smiling to a stranger is life, staying alone is life, pain is life. This idea already became cheesy though. I don’t want to read this commonsense in a yoga lover instagram caption as it also manipulates and have an aim. It wants you to like it and think whoever shared it has inner peace and a whole in person. No. Nobody feels a whole it person, they make believe. And it’s ok to not feel whole in any point in your life. Somebody should tell it out loud. It’s forbidden for mothers to express the feeling of running away, its forbidden for managers to complain about how it is not going as they have planned, it’s forbidden for an officer to feel empathy for a citizen, its forbidden for young adults or adults to say they are lost as they might be judged as incompetent and immature. I know we have our roles. But this has gone too far as we cannot distinguish who we are and what we play for. I can not see where the roles end and where does who we are start or find a space to express it.

We don’t speak about it, only assume about others feelings. We put a lot of effort for assumptions. So much that we listen only to support the thesis we came up with that person. I really think this is very much important. Why do we assume something when we both feel, we both try to react for one another already, when this is the only thing creates any kind of bonding. I really find it difficult to communicate over words as each and every of them lights up a different spot on somebody else due to their own background. We can only get to know someone after around 1 year of communication and only then we can know about their feelings. Once we are convinced about their feelings and intentions that person becomes irreplaceable. Despite what background they come from or how their persona shaped up, it’s really easy to see that if you invest time they become irreplaceable in your life. Some people are bialy selected to be invested and most to be assumed. None of the big connection platforms had the power to change it. Globalization, social media, tech, transportation, easy travel, easy information none of them served for us to enlarge that invested number for people but only these feel the bias p.o.v to grow much more. I find it really bizarre and boring.