Co-Sleeping: Should Your Child Sleep In Your Bed?
By: Stephanie Rose
Tags: Co Sleeping, Baby, Children, Sleeping, Kids

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Co-sleeping is the practice where the child sleeps in bed with her parents. Not surprisingly, it is one of the most hotly debated and controversial topics related to pediatric sleep. Let’s see why.

Some people argue that co-sleeping is the right and natural way to raise a child because the practice fosters a stronger bond and a more secure attachment.

Conversely, others will tell you that co-sleeping is risky, ridiculous, or even dangerous and they don’t want it for their family.

So, which approach holds the truth?

First, it’s important to understand that co-sleeping is not magic. Although some proponents of the family bed would disagree, numerous couples have reported that their babies did not necessarily sleep deeper or longer because their parents were close by.

In fact, some parents found that their child slept longer and woke less frequently when they stopped co-sleeping and moved him into his own crib.

However, whether families choose to co-sleep or have their children sleep independently is a personal decision, and if both parents and child are safe, rested, and fulfilled, then co-sleeping is nothing to worry about.

If you decide do co-sleep, this commitment requires some very careful thinking about what you and your spouse feel is right for you as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.

Ask yourselves the following questions:

1. Do I enjoy the coziness of sleeping in close proximity, or do we both tend to stay active during sleeping — potentially disrupting the others?

Since the birth of my daughter on November 1st, she has been unable to sleep without someone holding her. It had become hard for me to even get any sleep. I found that she would only sleep on my chest.

She is now a month old and I have found that she’ll sleep better when she is lying next to me and not on top of me. I was able to follow her routine better and know when when it was time for feedings.

She has come quite predictable. She would fidget for a few minutes before she wakes up and I would go and prepare a bottle; by the time the bottle is made, she would just start to cry, and I’d already be right there.

There are times where I think about if I were to roll over on her, but it’s almost like I’ve been self aware in my sleep. I am a light sleeper and I tend to know when she is even breathing differently.

2. Does everyone in our family want to co-sleep, or are we leaning toward it because one of us feels strongly?

I am the stay at home parent so I tend to make the decisions about where she is going to sleep. It is easier for me to lay her next to me when it is time to go to sleep, because I am the one that will be with her most of the day.

I used to lay her in her crib after she falls asleep, but she will only stay sleep for roughly 20 minutes. My husband is usually up until 2am which will allow me to go to sleep around 9pm. When he is ready to go to bed, he will lay her next to me since I am the light sleeper.

His concern is my sleep, and we both agree that it was best to keep her in a position where me and the baby both will sleep. She will sleep about 2 to 3 hours when she is actually next to me.

3. Are we willing to commit to being quiet after our child falls asleep, or do we like to watch TV or talk in bed?

My daughter loves when I play music. Sometimes she will just lay in bed with her eyes open until she falls asleep. My husband on the otherhand will watch tv or play games which he has her.

He found it harder for her to fall asleep because of the noise. Throughout the day, I wouldn’t even turn on the TV. I would play music all day, and found that our sleeping habits have gotten so much better.

4. Will we enjoy being able to feed our baby more often throughout the night, or will having him next to us make it tougher to wean nighttime feeds?

Like I said before, I pretty much have her routine down. We are waking up 3 times from midnight to 9am. I have prepared myself to wake up at those times. Most of the time she will go right back to sleep after eating.

Between 3am and 6am she loves to stay up for about 20 minutes and we have our morning conversation and exercises; yes she is only 1 month old, but she already has a lot to say.

5. Does sleeping next to our child allow us to feel more connected to him?

Right now, I don’t feel that it helps me connect with her. It is more of a “help us both sleep” situation. She sleeps better when it feels like something is lying on her.

Throughout the day, she were having trouble sleeping where she would sometimes be up for 6 hours. She would be so tired but won’t actually want to go to sleep.

She wouldn’t cry unless I put her down, but just holding her for 3 hours while she goes in and out of sleep gets pretty tiring. What I started doing, was put a pillow across her legs to make it feel like I was there.

She started sleeping 2 hours at a time, and would just wake up for feedings then would go right back to sleep. This has allowed me to actually get some cleaning done.

As expected, co-sleeping has both advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages:

• Constant closeness whenever the child is awake. Many children and parents enjoy this feeling.

• Immediate action and support for any sleep-related problem

• The ability to nurse and respond to other nighttime awakenings without getting up

• More time to spend with the child

• Possibly better sleep for both the child and the parents, if the child was sleeping poorly to begin with

Disadvantages:

• Parents may sleep poorly if their children are restless sleepers

• Parents may end up sleeping in separate rooms, and they may become angry at their child or with each other

• Children’s and adults’ sleep cycles do not coincide

• Parents may have to go to bed at a very early hour with their children and be left with little time for their own evening activities

• Parents have little privacy

• There may be a slight increase in the risk to the infant from SIDS and related causes.

Conclusions

The decision to co-sleep should be yours, made by the parent — or parents — and based on your own personal philosophies, not on pressure from your child or anyone else. Another family’s good or bad experience with co-sleeping should not influence your decision: your child is unique and your family is not the same.

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