Are You The Narcissist?
By: Tosin Sanusi
Tags: Narcissism, Relationships, Self, Mental Health, Psychology

How to keep unhealthy narcissism out of your life

In relationships

As many of us know, recovering from narcissistic abuse is an extremely arduous experience that can leave survivors questioning their sanity and worth. In relationships, narcissists operate in a systematically parasitic fashion, latching onto their victims with manipulation tactics like love-bombing and presenting a charming mask. Though it often manifests through a superior attitude, narcissism comes from a deep feeling of lack within which can stem from early trauma or neglect thus, a narcissist’s constant urge to seek praise, admiration, and whatever else they believe they deserve with no regard for others’ feelings.

Beware of individuals who put you down constantly to lift themselves up and always trust your gut. Narcissists will try to warp reality by gaslighting you perhaps denying hurtful things they’ve said and done, refusing to take responsibility for their actions. At the end of the day, it always seems to be your fault “You’re overreacting”, “You’re too sensitive”. Grounding yourself in reality is essential as narcissists rely on their ability to make you doubt yourself. It’s usually best to leave but remember that you are this person’s source of narcissistic supply so, they won’t want to let you go, that is until you are replaced.

In preparation for your escape and the subsequent healing process, make sure you have a support system of individuals who can help you remember the reality of your situation, seek professional help, encourage the narcissist to seek help too, and constantly remind yourself that you deserve better treatment.

Before we enter a relationship with a narcissist, whether deliberately or subconsciously, they have targeted us because they know they can exploit our weaknesses to get what they want. A lack of confidence, the tendency to neglect one’s own needs, and permeable boundaries are attractive to narcissists since these qualities denote vulnerability. Many people who fall victim to narcissistic abuse later find that their traumatic relationship was a repetition of toxic patterns that have been at play throughout their whole lives. Protecting ourselves from narcissists can mean cultivating self-love before we ever have to deal with narcissistic abuse.

What if you’re the narcissist?

Maybe you’re reading this and all the warning signs of unhealthy narcissism are a reality in your life. First, avoid self-diagnosing and make sure you’ve sought a professional opinion. If you know for a fact that narcissism causes problems in your life, you should know that it’s difficult to have the self-awareness and honesty to identify your toxic traits and you should feel proud of your ability to do that. However, that’s only the first step to a healthier, happier life for you and your loved ones.

Though there’s currently no medication for NPD itself, symptoms that may accompany narcissism like anxiety and depression can be soothed by psychiatrist prescribed medications. Depending on the severity of your symptoms, talk therapy can be effective in helping you to develop more pro-social behaviors, build true self-esteem beyond the mask you might present to outsiders, and start having more realistic expectations of the people around you.

Narcissism is known to cause great pain to those who have a loved one with NPD but little recognition is given to how painful the condition is for the individual themselves. We should all take responsibility for our actions but it’s undoubtedly difficult to live with a personality disorder that adversely affects relationships, careers, and self-worth. I think that compassion for this struggle would encourage more people to seek the help they need and reduce the stigma around mental illness.