How to Use Urge Surfing to Break Unhelpful Habits
By: Rachael Kable
Tags: Mindfulness, Psychology, Habit Building, Self, Habits

How to Urge Surf in Five Steps

Step 1: Accept that urges will occur

“The focus is on identifying and accepting the urge, not acting on the urge or attempting to fight it.” — Alan Marlatt

A habit can be hard to break because it settles over time and becomes a natural part of your routine. When you decide to alter a habit, it will likely challenge you. That’s normal!

According to Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit, habits start with a psychological pattern called a habit loop. In the habit loop, there are three processes: a cue (or trigger), a behavior, and a reward. As you continue implementing a habit, your brain has to work less and less to make decisions. And so, the habit becomes almost involuntary.

In my case, getting ready to turn out the light at night became my “cue” to check my phone one last time. The behavior was picking up my phone and opening my email app. The reward (most of the time) was relief — if there weren’t any new emails, I could go to sleep knowing I was up-to-date.

The first step to implement urge surfing is acknowledging that you will feel compelled to complete your habit. For example, when I decided to stop checking my phone before going to sleep, the first week was particularly challenging. I actually felt more stressed because I didn’t get to experience a sense of relief from checking my phone.

A few times, the stress was so intense that I stopped urge surfing and checked my emails (I was waiting to hear from a potential client about working together, and I was keen to receive their response). Rather than criticizing myself and giving up on urge surfing entirely, I gave myself space to make mistakes.

I reassured myself that it was reasonable to feel stress and frustration during the process and to talk kindly to myself when my efforts didn’t go to plan. Some affirmations I used included:

I’m allowed to make mistakes — there’s no need to be perfect

Urge surfing is a challenging experience, but I will learn from it

I’m gradually working towards a better morning and night-time routine

I’m feeling stressed right now, but it’s a temporary experience

It’s essential to recognize that your urges won’t magically disappear, and it might be hard not to take action upon them. However, this is a normal part of the process. You don’t need to be perfect, but also try to learn from each mistake so you can develop your resilience.

Step 2: Notice when an urge arises

It can be helpful to identify your “cues” so you can be ready to notice your urges (rather than engaging in your habits without thinking).

Do you engage in your habit at a particular time of the day or in a certain place?

Is there an emotion that triggers your habit?

Does a person in your life prompt your habit?

Once you know what your potential cues are, you might be able to spot unhelpful behaviors a little faster.

Whenever an impulse does arise, notice it (without judging yourself for it). For example, “I really feel like picking up my phone so that I can check my emails.”

You might also observe different sensations relating to your urge. Is there an area in your body where you most feel the urge? How much space does it take up? Do you perceive the urge as a particular color, shape, or temperature?

Observing the desire in detail might seem like an insignificant step, but it can be surprisingly powerful. A study published in 2010 found that participants who tried to control their behaviors by suppressing their thoughts about a habit were significantly more likely to engage in that habit than participants who expressed their thoughts.

While you might feel like ignoring urges helps, this method could actually be detrimental to your efforts to change your habit. Instead, notice your desires directly and explore them with curiosity and open-mindedness when you can.

Step 3: Refrain from taking action on your urge

Once you’ve noticed an urge, try not to act upon it. This will allow you to experiment with urge surfing!

This step can be difficult, so you might prefer to start by delaying the habit, rather than attempting to resist it altogether. For example, you could try delaying the habit for five minutes so you can experiment with urge surfing. Next time, you could try delaying it for seven minutes. Then ten minutes. Eventually, you might find that you can refrain from acting on your urge altogether.

Step 4: Visualize your urge as a “wave”

Personally, this step was hard for me, as I’m not a particularly visual person. Instead, I enjoyed the concept of thinking about an urge as a wave because it reminded me that urges are temporary. For example, I reassured myself that “This urge is like a wave — both end eventually.”

However, if you do enjoy visualizations, you might like to explore this step using your imagination. Picture your urge as a wave, growing higher and wilder, then crashing on the shore, and receding. The waves might become monumental as your desire peaks, then become smaller as your desire wanes.

Step 5: Focus on your breath

In an interview, Alan Marlatt said, “An urge is like an ocean wave that grows bigger and bigger as it approaches the shore. As it grows, there’s the desire to just give in, but if you do, you’ll reinforce the power of the addiction. Instead, you can ride the ‘wave’ by using the breath as a kind of surfboard.”

When your urge builds in intensity, try moving your attention to your breath. Take a few deep inhales and exhales, feeling your chest and ribs expanding and deflating. Alternatively, try pursing your lips (like you’re blowing bubbles through a straw) during each exhale to make it last longer.

You might notice your urge starts to dissipate while you focus on your breath. If the intensity begins to build again, move your attention back to your breath. Speaking from my experiences, this step becomes much more comfortable with practice! At first, I found it difficult to concentrate on my breath when the urge was intense, but it gradually started to flow.

For example, at first, I could only take one or two conscious breaths before I started thinking about checking my phone. I’d catch myself getting distracted and re-focus on my breath. My mind quickly wandered again.

One night, I started feeling particularly frustrated until I was almost on the verge of crying. That’s when I began pursing my lips and exhaling through them to help myself focus on my breath. I found this alternative way of breathing worked well for me and not only helped me feel a little calmer but also gave me something practical to do while I paid attention to my breath.