Queer People Are Already Family Friendly
By: Shannon Ashley
Tags: Equality, Family, Life, Culture, LGBTQ

Growing up in a conservative Christian community, I was taught that homosexuality, lesbianism, and bisexuality were all forms of hypersexuality. In other words, queerness was considered a sexual dysfunction and total depravity.

Even among some of the more liberal circles of Christians, queerness was a sin. Sure, you could say, “love the sinner, hate the sin,” but by default that required you to devalue a person’s entire existence.

If they happened to be in a same-sex relationship, we couldn’t talk about it. By default, their queerness wasn’t “family friendly.”

As I grew up and became a mother, I realized I was highly uncomfortable with the way our culture frames hetero relationships as not necessarily sexual or inappropriate. We view straight people as if they are inherently family friendly.

That’s why people have no problem with hetero love in Disney movies, but balk at the mere suggestion of a gay couple in one.

That’s also the reason a straight teacher is allowed to show their class a picture of their spouse, but the same act can cost a queer teacher their job.

How do I confront this disparity?

I’ve been debating how to approach this story because I am not an actual part of the queer community. It’s often scary to enter uncomfortable conversations that don’t directly concern me.

But that doesn’t make it okay.

There are seemingly innocuous things that happen every day to queer people that straight folks never even have to think about. And oftentimes, it comes down to statements like, “we’re family friendly” or “social justice isn’t really appropriate for our audience.”

I understand why people say those kinds of things. Again, I was raised with this mentality. But it is frankly impossible to treat queer people as equals while simultaneously excluding them and viewing them as somehow hypersexual and anti-family values.

Think about the children.

People worry a lot about “exposing children to homosexuality,” but aren’t concerned about exposing kids to heterosexuality. The sad truth is that our culture pushes the fantasy of heterosexual love and marriage even when it’s detrimental to us all. Our kids grow up believing in unhealthy fairytales of love like a movie.

But it’s cool, right? As long as they aren’t gay.

This is the twisted sort of thinking that happens when people believe that queer love is morally wrong. They’ll commit all sorts of mental acrobatics to justify their discrimination.

People aren’t hardwired to hate.

At least, I don’t think they are. I know firsthand how challenging it can be to navigate religion, social justice, and sexuality. Most people don’t want to be cruel, unfeeling, or unkind.

But they do want to be right. And they don’t want to “go to hell.” That makes them more comfortable with damning the people around them than coming to terms with the fact that they have been steered wrong.

It was hard for me to accept that I was wrong and that “loving the sinner while hating the sin” was in fact, evil. However, that realization allows me to raise my daughter with a clear conscience.

Queer people are no less “family friendly” than straight people.

I’m still not sure why this is still so hard for heterosexual folks and Christians, in particular, to understand. All I know is that far too many people try to make sense of queerness by hypersexualizing LGBTQIA people and it’s hurting them.

In this case, silence is complicity. And I don’t want to make the mistake of being silent just because it feels easier for me. The truth is that it is easier on me than it is for queer people. I can afford to stay under the radar.

That doesn’t mean I should.

If you are a part of the LGBTQIA community, your voice matters, your family matters, and I stand with you.