The Top 3 Reasons Why People Infantilize Me
By: Stella Su
Tags: Stereotypes, Cute, Bias, Appearances, Cultural Differences

Beauty standards differ all over the world, but the one thing everyone can agree on is that I am cute as hell.

Despite being in my 20s, my baby-face attracts a variety of coos and soft voices from people who do not know me. The intensity of assuming how I am like lies on a spectrum. Male and western demographics are more likely to project a stronger image of how I am supposed to think and act, and treat me as such. The combination of the two can make the perception and treatment all the more acute.

It is not every person, of course—maybe only 10–20% of a given population does this to me. But for western males, it makes it extra-extra probable if you know what I mean. The most extreme case I have been subjected to was of such a demographic.

I’m talking treating me like a literal five-year-old, baby voice and all, acting as though I am needy and require my nap-time. Expressing exaggerated encouragement to my struggles, exaggerated dismay when I encounter bad luck, exaggerated cheer when something good happens, no matter how small. Poking fun at me in a gushy manner and pretending that a spoon is an airplane waiting to land into my mouth. That level of condescending, patronizing infantilization. They simply needed these three factors to send the dynamic over the edge into ridiculous territory. And honestly, without even one of these factors, it would not have gone that far.

1. Size Difference

Height is directly proportional to infantilization. I am super short. At five feet, my bones are tiny and I am closer to the size of a child. For someone to infantilize me, they are usually at least one whole head taller than me. Two heads tall means a much bigger size and as such the extreme result I had described above. I normally see myself as a normal adult but can’t help but feel as puny as a 10-year-old when I notice this difference.

Bigger people around me naturally make me feel more apprehensive, as though a threat is in my vicinity, so I suppose it is natural for those big people to feel protective over smaller people, as though they are vulnerable and helpless like a small child.

2. Having A Younger Sister

I understand this because I have a little sister as well. Growing up with a younger sibling naturally makes you more protective and concerned about the well-being especially of those younger than you. Being the elder sibling becomes a big part of your identity and shapes your mind in a certain way from a young age. I’m familiar with having to look out for my younger sister when we played as children to the point that it became an intrinsic part of my personality.

This is then projected onto me. Which is weird, because I’m so used to being the big sister that suddenly being seen as the little sister is a huge role reversal, like from feelings of motherliness to that of childishness.

3. Personality Clashes

This is a big one. Without this one, infantilization may never happen much at all.

I am in introvert. So when I come in contact with an extrovert, sparks fly. With other introverts, I can have long, calm, and thoughtful conversations about life and humanity. With extroverts, I can find myself running through the streets at 4am, music pounding and people yelling. They can have a big personality, and mine shrinks in comparison.

Next to their loud and grand gestures and voice I may turn further inwards, becoming even more apprehensive and shy — like a small child. Which in turn makes them more boisterous. Which in turn makes me more timid. Which in turn makes them more — we keep bouncing off each other until weird situations like the one I described above happens. And it’s all downhill from there.

Your Idea of Me Is Not My Responsibility to Live Up To

This isn’t even considering the race/gender relations that have a role in this sort of relationship. Often I find the way other people perceive me is in direct contrast with the way I see myself.

Being treated like I am so cute has its pros and cons. While people act more gentle to you, it’s also as if they look down on you and expect you to act a certain way. People tend to doubt my abilities. The presumption is that I am naive, weak, dumb, simple, delicate, vulnerable, submissive, inexperienced, and overall pathetic, even if no one admits it. And fine, I just may be this or that description, but it more has to do with my age or background or childhood trauma than it has to do with my appearance. At least there are some connotations, like youthfulness and femininity, that I don’t mind.

Like the Halo Effect, there is also the assumption of goodness. Like I can do no wrong because I look so pure and innocent. But paired with the Halo Effect there is an assumption just as powerful, of which is I look TOO cute and innocent, to the point that it must be a deception and is the other way around — I am actually hardcore and devious. I like to call this the Halo-Horn Effect, as I am simultaneously seen not only in an angelic but also a devilish manner.

Sometimes when this happens I do not know how to react, because being reduced to these two stereotypes is such a novelty. I’m not being treated cruelly or in a nasty manner — quite the opposite — and yet I can’t help but feel dehumanized, as though I am being seen as a baby or a pet, even if the treatment was supposed to be “just a joke”.

Because, surprise surprise, I too am a normal adult person, a literal human being with dignity and worthy of respect. Yes, I like cute things as well, so I don’t mind my neotenous features, but it is no excuse to infantilize me. Maybe it is time to reexamine your unconscious biases instead, and personally make steps to confront and change the way you see certain other people. Maybe then we can get together and treat one another in a more dignified and respectful manner. That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, of course. We definitely can, in the future, on equal footing.