7 Things Your Friend Hailey From High School Did During Quarantine
By: Gwen Sachs
Tags: Humor, Satire, Quarantine, Women, Coronavirus

Photo by Bára Buri on Unsplash

1. Got really good at yoga

There’s no time like a pandemic for some serious self-discovery. Hailey took this opportunity to invest in herself and a new yoga mat. Now her mind has never been clearer and her abs have never been more defined. You might have thought that isolation offered a respite from feeling self-conscious about your physical and mental state, but then along came Hailey. Why can’t she just embrace crippling anxiety and depression like everyone else?

2. Started making and selling face masks on Etsy

Never one to miss a capitalist opportunity, Hailey immediately put her high school home ec skills to good use by creating $20 face masks that can be personalized with your own monogram. After weeks of deliberation, you bought one, and your body literally recoiled as soon as you removed the packaging. The mask may be collecting dust under your bed, but Hailey will have the last laugh when she uses the profits to fund her next spring break trip to Miami.

3. Found a new ~adventure~

There’s no telling what magical places you can discover in your own backyard, if you’re willing to drive a couple of hours away. Hailey teamed up with a Lululemon wardrobe, immaculate French braids, and an anonymous photographer to test her luck in the wilderness. And she has been fortunate enough to stumble upon many picturesque locations on her journeys. Whimsical snapshots include:

Hailey’s back walking under a canopy of trees

Hailey’s back overlooking a mountain range

Hailey’s back while she sits on a rock in front of a lake

Clearly too dazzled by nature to face the camera, it’s safe to say that, even in a global pandemic, Hailey is always moving forward.

4. Posted pictures of herself hugging her friends outside a bar while assuring everyone that they were social distancing

Guys, I promise we were social distancing, says Hailey, huddled around ten people who definitely do not live with her. Not a monogrammed mask in sight. Still, Hailey assures you that it is totally possible to stay safe while also having A LOT OF FUN.

5. Reconnected with her parents???

At one point in quarantine, Hailey had a brief stint back home with her parents, and apparently they actually like each other? Give me a break, Hailey. During their backyard barbecues and weekly scrabble nights they all grew to appreciate the quarantine for the quality bonding time it provided. Hailey managed to participate in an impeccably decorated “at-home prom” before she raced out of the house again. But she’ll always appreciate the unexpected blessing of having everyone under the same roof again.

6. Went viral on TikTok

Amazingly, Hailey managed to download TikTok, figure out how to navigate it, and even gain a small following in only a month! No one can keep up with social networking trends quite like Hailey. She keeps telling you how crazy her small-scale stardom is because the whole thing started out as a joke and she’ll probably delete the app soon anyways.

7. Redesigned her apartment

Although your home may look like its only occupants are depressed teenage gremlins, you’ll be delighted to find out that Hailey has embraced accent walls. Quarantine seemed like an excellent time to welcome a new aesthetic phase into her life, and her home must reflect this next chapter. From color-coded bookshelves to tasteful tapestries, you can’t help but appreciate Hailey’s artistic vision. She even stained a coffee table all by herself.

Remember, a global catastrophe is no excuse to stop comparing yourself to your peers. And Hailey is always there to keep you on your toes.