Why do we think we need to ‘deserve’ something that makes us happy?
Tags: Happiness, Compassion, Motivation, Self Care

Meritocracy and reward is something that has been ingrained in our brains since we were born. I remember every Friday after school, my parents would let me get a treat from the local shop. It signified “well done — you’ve made it through another week”.

The same mentality runs through to adulthood, but the reward has now changed. We feel as though we need to ‘earn’ our 25 days of holiday. Every weekend we order a takeaway or wash our sorrows at the local pub, and all because we’ve done a hard day’s work.

This is also akin to health and fitness and the infamous ‘cheat days’. Where you allow yourself to eat whatever you want and not move from the sofa for 48 hours because you’ve ‘earned it’ after five days a week in the gym and therefore, ‘deserve’ to relax. It doesn’t sound very flexible!

What is the reward system?

The reward system is a driver of behaviour and creating habits when responding to certain stimuli. The reward will positively reinforce a particular behaviour, especially if it signifies pleasure (i.e. food). When we earn a reward, it releases the neurotransmitter dopamine (DA) into the system and is strengthened with every repeated action, becoming a learned behaviour.

Therefore, Dopamine is responsible for our motivation pathways. Originally, these types of experiments and studies were to prove the relationship between gambling, dopamine and forming habits.

Do I deserve it if I haven’t been productive?

But what if we don’t finish our To-Do lists or skipped the gym, which then taps into the idea of an ‘earned reward’ — does that make us deserve it any less?

Short answer: NO.

Why? Because dopamine is also responsible for the pleasure response. It is linked to our memory; therefore, we engage in particular behaviours to spark feelings of joy because we want to relive these moments. Capiche?

All these rewards are objects or events that make us feel happy. You can “treat-yo-self” to your heart’s content because you are allowed to invest in your own sanity and happiness. This is irrespective of whether you did a workout or an 8-hour shift.

Why should I treat myself?

Sometimes, it’s just nice to randomly spoil yourself, buying tickets to a concert or a new phone. Recent studies have shown that this actually boosts your mood, self-esteem and helps you to focus, therefore increasing well-being.

Let’s look at it from another perspective. Why, when we’re feeling low or moody, do we turn to things like shopping, chocolate or a trip away? Because we’re trying to turn that frown upside down. We want to feel better. It has nothing to do with deserving it!

Simple pleasures have become more complex — when they shouldn’t be. You are allowed to do whatever makes you happy (that obviously isn’t illegal or dangerous to others) because it is your birth-right. And you don’t need to compare it to what others are doing; they’re on a different path. What’s that famous tagline?

Because you’re worth it!

Written by Naida Allen

WellBe is spearheading the way to a brighter future for corporate wellness. Our innovative portal is scientifically designed and tailored to each individual employee to improve their wellbeing. We specialise in a range of services from coaching and therapists, to meditation and reading materials. Our aim is to reduce workplace stress that costs UK businesses £42 billion per year. Get in touch with us by visiting our site wellbe.global for more information.