What To Do When They Decide You’re Not “The One”
By: Ellen Nguyen
Tags: Dating, Relationships, Advice, Heartbreak, Life

When someone decides you’re not the one for them, don’t argue with them.

Don’t try to prove to them they’re wrong. Tell them you understand. Tell them you respect their decision. Be polite. Go through the motion. Take their words at face value and turn around decidedly.

Don’t look back. Don’t hang around. Don’t dig into each little word they say. Don’t even try to find reasons because there’s really no need to. Just accept it for what it is and consider it your own closure. That’s that.

Tell yourself it’s okay. It’s okay to not be chosen, to fail at love again, and maybe again and again because hey, we all do. Let yourself feel the pain that cuts through your vulnerable heart. Let yourself feel sorry. Let yourself cry till it’s stinging around your temples.

When someone decides you’re not the one for them, do not, I repeat, do not question yourself. Do not make it about who you’re as an individual. It’s a decision they make in their own time based on their own perspective, not a true reflection of your inherent worth, not how you’re viewed by everyone.

When someone tells you that you’re not right for them, it means exactly just that. It’s about them and it doesn’t mean you’re wrong or faulty or unlovable.

Remember your life before them. Remember all the moments you felt so happy, so confident, so strong and it had nothing to do with them or being chosen by them at all.

Don’t trap yourself in that circle they draw for you, for this “the one” you’ll never need to be. Step out. Realise that there’s nothing that’s holding you back. Realise that in your hands is your power, always.

When someone decides you’re not the one for them, love yourself enough to let them go. Have enough self-esteem to stop choosing someone who doesn’t choose you.

For sure, it’s no easy task. I know your ego is deeply hurt, you feel like the biggest fool, yet your smitten heart couldn’t stop wanting to change their mind. But don’t.

Be strong enough to resist all the urges, any urges that have their name written on it. Take back the power. Save your dignity and cut your losses. Let them live with their decision and a path without you. Let yourself weep in private for however long it takes.

Now put the focus back on yourself and ask why you would care so much. If they don’t think you’re the one for them, they’re definitely not the one for you anyway, and that’s enough to rest the case.

When someone decides you’re not the one for them, take your time to find yourself again, a self that isn’t confined within anyone’s definition of “the one”, a self that’s true, a self that’s happy.

It will not happen immediately, not today, not tomorrow, probably not even months later, but it will get easier and you will feel better.

Don’t blame yourself. Don’t rush yourself. Don’t force yourself to feel anything you don’t right now. Let it be.

Most importantly, understand that no one is out to get you. It’s not about you. Everyone, just like you, is simply trying to be happy and sometimes their breaking your heart is part of the journeys for both of you.

Soon you’ll even see that it’s a blessing in disguise as you’re learning new things about yourself and realise you’re always stronger than you thought.

When someone decides you’re not the one for them, thank them for not wasting your time any longer. Feel hopeful because you’re now free to find your own “the one” who’s been waiting for you.