Totalitarianism
By: The Nonconformist Magazine
Tags: Poem, Poetry, Poet, Poetry On Medium

POETRY

Totalitarianism

by Benjamin Schmitt

In which an authoritarian’s hunger for control now extends to

the personal lives of the nation’s people, impacting their ability

to speak and think freely.

“All rise, the honorable Jackie Pineshaft,

star of such films as

Cuban MILFs 3 and Jackie’s Wet Vacation,

is presiding. Court is now in session.”

“You all may be seated.

Now Mr. Shapiro, it is my duty to inform

you of the rules of TubeCourt. Your testimony

will be streaming to your fellow citizens

across the country. They will vote on

the verdict by either liking your testimony

or disliking it online. I will then

read the verdict. The camera is

right here, please look into it at all times.

You’re off to a good start,

your tie is already getting quite a few likes.

Do you have any questions, Mr. Shapiro?”

“Listen, I just wrote a song,

I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Mr. Shapiro, with all due respect,

you wrote and performed a song

filled with lies and slander

about our glorious emperor. Now

the Supreme Court ruled last year

that First Amendment protections

for freedom of speech only apply

when the form of speech

in question is commercially viable.

The government believes that yours isn’t.

That is why you are here. I understand

you have brought your guitar with you.

Can you play the song in question for us?”

“Honestly, I just wrote it

when I was drunk, it’s not…”

“Mr. Shapiro, if you want to convince

this court of your commercial viability

as an artist, you should probably

summon the courage to play the song.”

“Okay. It’s called

‘The Tyrant Song.’”

He wants to rule with an iron fist

but I think it’s made of brass

cries so loud when it hurts so little

reverberating off his ass

loves all that pomp and circumstance

but only eats fast food

how could someone surrounded by gold

be so witless, base, and crude

says he’s a fighter, he’s never fought

could you imagine him in a war

watches TV for twelve hours a day

more makeup than a whore

Cause this is our leader

this is our guy

just shoot me now

when I wake up I cry

This is our leader

this is our guy

just shoot me now

when I wake up I cry

We never elected this foolish emperor

couldn’t even win the most votes

some yahoos in the boonies liked him

cause he has a fleet of boats

this guy is such a fucking racist

he’s afraid of black paint

The first time he heard NWA

it almost made him faint

he talks about himself so much

the only topic he knows

all the ladies run away from him

as he grabs at their pantyhose

Cause this is our leader

this is our guy

just shoot me now

when I wake up I cry

This is our leader

this is our guy

just shoot me now

when I wake up I cry

“Is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it did have a catchy melody…

Let’s see what our viewers thought.

Oh no, you received 78,692,329 likes

and 91,203,597 dislikes.

That means your work

is not commercially viable.

Let’s open up our comment section

and see what viewers think

your punishment should be

for criticizing the emperor

without commercial intent.

We’re getting a lot of responses here.

I’m just going to scroll down

and select a punishment at random.

Okay, here we go:

remove both his thumbs,

kick him out on the street,

and make him try to play that guitar

with his thumb-less, bleeding hands.”