Becoming Emotionally Intelligent
By: Daniel Caruana Smith
Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Self Improvement, Psychology, Life Lessons

Try walking up to someone and ask them about academic intelligence. Although not guaranteed a smart answer, most will understand what you’re on about. Now try emotional intelligence. Chances are it will take them a minute to answer.

Emotional intelligence requires thought to discuss; perhaps because we’ve always thought of intelligence as something to be found in books or academia. The fact of the matter is, “intelligence” is an all-encapsulating word that refers to our skills at solving a challenge. If you're paying a bill, then it’s mathematical intelligence you’re after. A chef will have high culinary intelligence whilst a professor of English will have intelligence centered around literature. A vet will be intelligent towards the behavior of animals.

“‘intelligence’ is an all-encapsulating word that refers to our skills at solving a challenge.”

This brings about the notion that intelligence is an accumulation of skill or experience. The above-mentioned chef was not born an excellent cook, but hours spent over a cooker have seen to that. When seen in this light, intelligence no longer becomes something innate, but an external factor. There is no such thing as I completely intelligent person; someone who is well versed and experienced and everything. Following the same logic, there is no such thing as a completely stupid one either. An illiterate person can make genuine contributions to the well-being of society and a top university professor can be amazingly capable of messing up their life. Intelligence is not something we are born with, it is merely an understanding (to one degree or other) of a function. Emotional intelligence works the same way.

It is hard to quantify emotional intelligence, but indicators of it (or a high level of it) do exist. Things like the ability to communicate one’s feelings, to read the moods of others, to have patience when needed, and to empathize with others. These are all skills an emotionally intelligent person will have developed.

“There is no such thing as I completely intelligent person; someone who is well versed and experienced and everything. Following the same logic, there is no such thing as a completely stupid one either.”

Let’s give the theory some context, and use “love” as an example. Most of us have been taught (formally or informally) that love is a feeling (and a complicated one at that). We are not encouraged to question matters of love; if he/she doesn’t feel the same way, there is nothing you can do about it! Perhaps it is for this reason that we attribute a different organ to it; the heart as opposed to the brain — love does not follow the same thought patterns as other thoughts do.

“It’s hard to blame someone for being emotional if they have admitted to going through a rough breakup.”

To the emotionally intelligent person, love is a skill not a feeling. It is one that requires trust, generosity, and openness to a degree of vulnerability and resignation. An emotionally intelligent person allows themselves the time and thoughts that give their love meaning. This, in turn, builds up a confidence to juggle strong emotions such as love with the demands of daily life. It no longer feels larger than life, or unfathomable.

That is not to say emotionally intelligent people are incapable of being moved or overwhelmed. They also have hopes, and are grateful when things go the way they expected. The difference? Emotionally intelligent people accept the fact that nothing lasts forever. They are at ease with the reality that they will be anxious in some areas in some areas of life at certain times. They apologize in advance for their shortcomings and warn those around them in good time. It’s hard to blame someone for being emotional if they have admitted to going through a rough breakup.

In short, one of the key steps towards emotional intelligence is learning to identify potential pitfalls. This allows you to identify your shortcomings and let those around you know, thus preventing misinterpretations.

Final thought; have a browse true world history, and I’m sure you’ll be able to spot quite a few national (or global) catastrophes that can trace their origins to the emotional ignorance of political leaders.