The Surprising Truth Every Man Should Know About Masculinity
By: Moreno Zugaro
Tags: Culture, Masculinity, Self Improvement, Men, Mental Health

Masculinity Isn’t Toxic — Suppressing It Is

YouTube is full of videos of dogs who chewed through an entire couch and spread the contents of a pillow all over the living room. But in almost all these videos, one factor stands out.

The dog often is a Husky — a sledding dog bred to run for hours every day. Consequently, they have a ton of energy and need an extreme mount of walkies and play. If they don’t get that, they’ll tear your living room to shreds.

Who’s at fault when that happens — the dog, or the human who confined it to a small room without considering its needs?

Like a caged Husky, today’s society suppresses natural male character traits such as forcefulness and aggressiveness. Therefore, men either express their masculinity in unhealthy ways or bottle it up and shame themselves for not living up to society’s standards. This makes life worse not only for men but society as a whole.

Men assert dominance in the workplace by talking over their female colleagues. They follow supposedly masculine role models like Dan Bilzerian, who’s known for objectifying women and posing next to dollar stacks. At the same time, rising suicide rates among men indicate that half-naked women in whirlpools and free HD porn doesn’t make them happy either. They are unhealthy outlets for a healthy, inherent part of a man’s identity.

Suppressing masculinity can’t be the answer — you have to cultivate it in the right way instead. The ancient rites of passage taught young boys how to express their masculinity in a healthy way. But as you never went through one when growing up, you now have to create your own.

You have to learn to channel your masculine energy and express it in a healthy instead of a toxic way.

Get your ego in check

Up until when I hit 24, I thought I was the hot shit. I thought I knew better, did better, and deserved better than anyone else. I was the epitome of an inflated male ego. And in hindsight, it made my life miserable.

My ego held me back from admitting and learning from my mistakes, hampering my ability to make rational decisions. It ruined my relationships by rejecting compromise and mutual understanding. It made me thirsty for success and validation, pushing me to great lengths to prove myself. Thankfully, I managed to shrink it.

An overblown ego is often at the source of your problems. To examine it, you have to cultivate awareness for your thoughts and actions. I also heartily recommend reading Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. I recognized my younger self in almost every chapter.

Get your ego in check — your life will be much more relaxed and fulfilling, and you’ll be of greater service to those around you.

Connect with your emotions

Men don’t embrace their emotions nearly enough. Society still expects success, ambition, toughness, and hard work instead of empathy, nurturing, and kindness from them. They have to be strong, invincible, and unphased by their feelings. Real men don’t cry.

This belief has harmed men for way too long. Suppressing emotions is extremely unhealthy. Without an outlet for their negative feelings, men slide into depression in large numbers.

Work on your emotional intelligence. Learn to recognize, acknowledge, express, and handle what you feel. Read Stoic philosophy — it places great emphasis on accepting and acknowledging your emotions and it’s practical instead of airy-fairy.

Your life consists of ups and downs, feeling high and feeling low. Learn to deal with these emotions in a healthy way.

Take responsibility

“The masculine wants to get it done, to make it happen, to overcome obstacles against all odds.” — Jonathan Mead

Making decisions and taking action isn’t always easy. There are many options to consider and the looming fear of failure is always present.

Being masculine doesn’t mean you make the right decisions all the time. But it means you take responsibility for your life and own your choices regardless of the outcome.

Nobody can live your life for you. Only when you take responsibility can you be a good leader and supporter for your family, friends, and partners. Stop complaining about the weather, society, or whatever else you perceive as unfair. Take responsibility. Make your choice. Own it.

Connect with nature

My dad loves to go hiking. He ventures deep into the Bulgarian mountains and explores the Swabian Alps.

He often stays out for a few days with nothing but a tent, a sleeping bag, a hydration pack, and a bit of food. When he crosses a village, he restocks supplies and moves on. For him, it’s pretty much the best time of the year.

Nature brings silence, peace, and time for reflection and yourself. You can connect with your primal, inherent side.

There’s something about sleeping outdoors and cooking your food on a campfire that you can’t get anywhere else. It’s an escape from your indoor cage and the devices you shackled yourself to. You become free and connect with who you are at your core.

You don’t have to explore the Bulgarian mountains and howl with the wolves for weeks but leaving the hustle and bustle of the city for a weekend will have you feel like a new man.

I know the thought of sleeping on the ground and turning off your devices for a day or two can be uncomfortable. That’s the point. You come from the wild, so you shouldn’t be afraid of your natural surroundings and the planet you live on.

Take a day off, go out into nature, and reconnect with your source. Feel at home outside of your home. Unplug and go offline for a while. You’ll come back as a new man.

Contribute to society

The Mawé tribe puts their boys through a painful ritual so they become great warriors and hunters since that’s what their tribe needs. The better the men hunt and fight, the more they contribute to their society.

We have long left the tribal times and people of both sexes are well-capable of sustaining themselves, but a contribution to society is still a healthy expression of masculinity.

Whether you donate to charity, help an old lady carry her groceries, or provide emotional support to your partner when they need it — find a way to contribute. Not only will you feel more masculine, but also more fulfilled.

Join a tribe

Birds come in flocks, wolves come in packs, and humans come in tribes. A cohesive, like-minded tribe meant survival, evolution, and being on top of the food chain.

Our individualistic society has cut our connections and sense of tribal belonging. Self-reliance is awesome, but don’t handicap yourself by becoming a lone wolf. Without a tribe, you and your performance in life will suffer.

You need a tribe of likeminded men you belong to and that supports you with collective knowledge, skill, and action.

When I was younger, my tribe was bodybuilders. We chatted in forums and met at the gym. I’d never have taken my workouts and fitness as far as I did without the support of this tribe.

Today, I’ve created my own tribe. And if you want to create a vision for your life, become more authentic, and make an impact, then you’re welcome to join.

Brotherhood makes us stronger.