How to Imagine the Possibilities rather than Fret about Problems
By: Dave Smith
Tags: Leadership, Parenting, Fatherhood, Dads, Self Improvement

How to Imagine the Possibilities rather than Fret about Problems

Dads’ Survival Guide: Our Purpose and Passions

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

PSYC 157 is the most popular class in the 300+ year history of Yale University.

First offered in 2018, Psychology and the Good Life outgrew lecture halls and auditoriums. Limited by physical capacity, the class relocated to the 844-seat Battell Chapel before moving to Woolsey Hall, home of symphonies and university ceremonies. 1200 students, roughly a quarter of the Yale student body enrolled. The subject; happiness.

In the spring of 2020, Yale made the Happiness class available online. For free. During a pandemic. Over 2 million registered. 2 million. If a third of those people paid $125 to participate, Yale would have generated as much revenue as tuition from the entire Freshman class.

Dads can see possibilities like this. The opportunity amid the upheaval. A chance to change trajectory when most folks are just trying to survive. Dads are not intimidated by disruption. We have the ingenuity to make a way through the mayhem.

Mental Obstacles

Higher education was already at a crossroads. The in-person classroom experience, a hallmark of the American university model is continually constrained by the cost and availability of physical space. COVID removed those barriers.

Yet, were the barriers only physical? Or mental, as well? Is it possible, some of the biggest obstacles we face are the assumptions we live by? Blind spots of which we’re unaware?

Afterall, online college courses have been available for decades. Zoom was founded in 2011. University leaders assumed student life must be on-campus. For every student. And every class. This approach had worked well for centuries. When all schools were forced to go remote, this assumption was proven false.

Consider the company office. For eons, business leaders have assumed employee productivity is a function of physical proximity. Employees are best when operating together in the same building. Thus, the ideal workplace is a central office. Cities, suburbs, commuting patterns and modern family life are centered around this premise. Even the value of our homes. Months of WFH proved this position wrong, too.

How many other assumptions has COVID destroyed? Telehealth. Brick and mortar retailers and restaurants. Schools!! Fast Food. Business travel. And many more.

So, what assumptions are we as Dads clinging to? What possibilities are now open for consideration? Where we live. Our profession. Work/life balance. Child rearing. College plans. What we believe. And why. The source of meaning. Our identity. How much is enough. What’s truly essential. And important.

COVID is forcing us to examine our most fundamental principles. Test the legitimacy of their underlying hypotheses. As well as open the door to spectacular possibilities. If we have the courage to pursue them.

Return to Normal

Problem is, in the midst of turmoil, people pine for a return to normal. It’s human nature. Going back to the familiar. The comfortable. What we know is preferable over what we don’t know. Regardless of how good or bad ‘normal’ may have been.

Take the story of Exodus. After 400 years of oppression, the Israelites were released from captivity; set free to pursue the Promised Land. God parted the Red Sea. Destroyed Pharaoh’s army. And erected a pillar of fire leading them through the wilderness to His place of milk and honey.

After a short time in the desert, the people began complaining. They were hungry. Thirsty. They reminisced about life in Egypt. “There, we sat around pots of meat,” they grumbled to Moses. “And ate all the food we wanted.” Yes, ample food. And slave labor. Beatings. Making bricks without straw. Yet, the people wanted to go back. To what was. Regardless of how onerous ‘what was’ had been. Now, that’s some serious selective memory.

Are we as Dads pining for a return to ‘normal’? Applying selective memory to our Pre-COVID life. The harried commuting back and forth. Racing kids to and fro. The busyness. The endless activities. A desert of stress and anxiety without a drop of time to reflect. Or just be present.

Choosing Perspectives

Nowadays, our world feels like the wilderness. Resurging infections. Conflicting scientific reports. Varying safety protocols. The news cycle noise. Partisan rhetoric. Civic unrest. What are the implications? For school? Work? Sports? Social interaction?

The future is even more frightening. Uncertain. Unpredictable. Completely unknowable. And everyone is seeking guidance. Moms. Kids. Our parents. Colleagues. Friends. Neighbors.

So, they’re looking to us. Because Dads are the lighthouse. We help others navigate through the maelstrom. Provide assurance. And build their confidence to overcome.

As Dads, we have a choice. We can fret about what’s wrong. Be distracted by the doom and gloom. Apply selective memory and grumble about what used to be. Or we can imagine the possibilities. Free from limits and barriers. Real or imagined.

And challenge our assumptions. About what’s material. What matters. We have much to be grateful for. With a slower tempo to appreciate what we have. And plenty to be optimistic about. So, let’s consider all that’s possible. What can be. And who each of us can become.

If we take this approach, Dads won’t need PSYC 157. Online or on-campus. We get a taste of the ‘Good Life’ every night at the dinner table. A dose of well-being when we tuck our littles into bed. And ample happiness with every hug.

Go Dads, Go!