The Ultimate Rejection
By: Veda Prajvalan
Tags: Identity Crisis, Recovery, Excommunication, Suicide, Rejection

Adolescence can be a pretty tough time, stumbling along and even struggling with identifying and establishing one’s identity. I was 13 years old when I “came out” to my parents that I did not identify with their religious faith. In many families, this may not be that important, but in some it’s a pretty serious crisis. As my family was part of a faith that demanded excommunication of wayward members, it was considered the ultimate defiance, worthy of complete rejection. My parents immediately pulled me from school to try and isolate me from whatever “crazy” ideas I was getting and tried to force me “back on track”.

They were primarily concerned with losing their status and reputation. And they were hurt and confused by this turn of events where I was no longer willing to pretend and comply against my nature and inner beliefs. They were definitely not interested in why I felt as I did or hearing anything about hypocrisy or lack of mercy and inclusion. My sisters were older and moved out already and they stopped speaking to me. My parents discussed putting me in foster care as they ‘didn’t know who I was anymore’. My mom even told me that, as I’d turned my back on God and would not be saved, and therefore apparently wasn’t interested in living, I “might as well hurry up and get it over with.”

In that moment, it seemed I was unloved and rejected by God and my parents despite years of loyalty, service and commitment — so maybe she was right. I didn’t have any more to give and there didn’t seem to be a place for me to be, as and who I really was authentically. In my grief and turmoil, I attempted to take my life, in seeming agreement that it had no value if some people important to me thought or said so because I wasn’t able or willing to live it for them. Such was my misperception.

So glad that didn’t work out. :) When I came to, I felt there must be a reason I was still here. I had a turning point or transformational moment of deep questioning — that maybe my parents didn’t know how to love or what it was. And more than that, maybe they didn’t know what God wanted or would accept. With those cracks, the light came in. I could entertain the thought that, just maybe, I was loveable and acceptable as I was.

I started my healing journey in counseling, and studying psychology and communications. Unfortunately, there weren’t podcasts, YouTube videos, or TikToks at the time to assist. There’s such great content now available to help people. But using what I could find through books, tapes and groups, I worked through anxiety, depression and recovery issues. I looked into alternative spiritual paths, seeking more compassion and inclusivity, and healing modalities to find deeper integration and empowerment. Along the way I found courage, worthiness and independence. I learned that my value doesn’t come from seeking acceptance from, or living for, others.

While I find great value in being of service and encouraging and lifting others up where I can, I realize that my worth is great and intrinsic irrespective of that. I understand the importance of honoring and valuing myself in my own unique way along my own distinct path. And I encourage and assist others to do the same.