To My 23 Years Old Expatriate Self, You Are Special.
By: Jun Wu
Tags: Life Lessons, Travel, Culture, Leadership, Self

To My 23 Years Old Expatriate Self, You Are Special.

Mindful tips that any young adult can use to live life to the fullest.

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When I was 23 years old, I was living in Tokyo, Japan. I just started to work in a large investment bank as a technologist. Life couldn’t be any more exciting. Living it up as an expatriate in Asia is amazing. The sheer amount of drinking involved is mind-boggling. Adding on the proper amount of karaoke, onsen or Japanese hot spring, and temple surfing, I felt cultured, entertained, and successful all the time. The Japanese people didn’t help. They love to treat foreigners well on the outside. If it wasn’t for my lack of confidence at that time, I could’ve been that American overseas with a large bloated ego the size of the Atlantic. But, thankfully, I was still finding myself. The “nice” words, even if fake, helped to boost my self-confidence.

Looking back, living the expatriate life in my 20s taught me so much about life. Away from my home in America, I was free to make mistakes and learn from them. I was also free to pursue any passions in my spare time outside of my job. For once, I felt like I was discovering parts of myself that I never knew existed.

Delving into a new culture helped me find my own identity.

It also inspired a new kind of spirituality in me. Dealing with life issues such as gender disparity, politics in life, and life in a foreign country is a lot for a young 23 years old. But, if you throw rocks at a young 23 years old for an hour, chances are that 23 years old will have the energy to bounce those rocks right back at you.

It’s the prime time to take on A LOT in life and see what you can make of it.

To my 23 years old self, I want you know I’m proud of you for all that you’ve accomplished during that time. This is why I wrote this to give you the motivation to do even more.

Get over yourself

So, you got your first job. You got your first apartment. You actually have money in your bank account. Good for you. But you know what? Getting the first job is easy if you’ve got connections through your school. If you are lucky to get into a program where Companies will mentor you, you’ve lucked out in a huge way. Yes, you’ve worked hard up to this point to gain these opportunities. But, everyone works hard. Not everyone will see the fruits of their labor. As you progress in your life and career, things will get much harder still. You will meet many challenges. Sometimes, you will fall and fail miserably. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you won’t see your efforts pay off. Celebrate the fact that you are doing well now. Put all of that into perspective.

Learn to be grateful for each day. It’s the only way you’ll be able to weather changes later on in life.

Cook for yourself

Yes, you are a busy professional. You eat takeout all the time. But, even in Japan, the gourmet capital of the world, you will get sick of all the endless varieties. Okay, maybe not. But, making your own food is about appreciating simple well-made dishes that inspire you. It will make you feel like an adult. The simple act of preparing a meal from the ground up will fill you with simple joys. If you cook with a friend, well, then that just adds spices into any relationship.

Discover new experiences

Even as an expatriate living in a different country, life can become a routine boring mess if you allow it to be. There are plenty of expatriates who work long hours, only socialize in the expatriate community, and drink at the same bar every day to pass the time. Life as an expatriate can be filled with new experiences if you routinely reach out from your inner circle. Socialize with the locals. Talk to people at food stalls you buy food from. Visit the homes of locals and reach out to understand their way of life. Travel to remote locations that you never thought you’d be.

Watch how life experiences change the way you think, the way that you relate to others, and the way that you love.

You can be lonely in a crowd. You can deal with that.

There’s such a thing as being too busy to deal with your problems. Having a new life at a young age can become a kind of escape. In that escape, you will feel lonely from time to time on. Not dealing with your inner self or your spiritual self will mean that you won’t be able to relate to others on a spiritual level. That will translate to ample amounts of time spent at being lonely in a crowd. Well, how do you deal with that? You don’t. You let loneliness lead you to spirituality. You lean into your loneliness by doing activities by yourself.

The more you practice being alone, the more you will be able to find your own spirit. Once you found your own spirit, you will learn to find other people’s spirits. Spirituality is the really about discovering the spirits in all things.

Love wholeheartedly, even if it’s not right.

Loving someone is a privilege. We take this for granted so much when we find someone. But, really, you are not guaranteed to receive love even if you are in a relationship. The point here is to practice loving people wholeheartedly, in the right ways. Once you’ve learned to love, then there’s a chance that you might find someone who will reciprocate the same kind of love.

Love is also an activity and a practice. You need plenty of practice to get good at it.

What is the right way to love someone? Well, it’s to give them maximum freedom to be themselves. It’s to appreciate them in their “bare” selves. It’s to take them with “worts” and all. It’s acceptance.

Be real, be yourself, and quit following the herd.

Everyone’s got quirks. Some people have more than others. The corporate environment makes you conform to their standards all the time. So, you’ve got to be yourself outside of that structure. You’ve got to learn about yourself. Once you’ve discovered yourself, then take actions that are only true to you. Don’t let others pressure you into conforming. You only get so many hours of spare time. You deserve to be yourself during those hours.

Don’t let your friends lead the way of your life. Lead your life and your friends will follow. If they don’t, then get new friends.

Take control of your life through the mundane.

At 23 years old, you think you are an adult. But, really, you are just interning to be an adult. At any internship, you have to learn the mundane tasks that will enable you to take control of your life. How to file taxes properly? How to cook a simple meal? How to do your own laundry? What to do when you are stuck in an airport? How to fake your way out of a conversation in a foreign language? How to lose weight when you are working 12 hour days? How to find friends when you don’t speak the native language?

Whatever your circumstances, you need to take actions to get a grip. Controlling what you can control is the key. Take care of yourself by taking care of your business.

Finish things.

By far, my biggest success when I was 23 years old is learning to focus my attention and to finish things. It doesn’t matter if it’s a project that I finished at work. It doesn’t matter if it’s a meal I finished cooking. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship that just ended. The ability to see things to completion is such a huge skill.

You don’t know yet. But, in many circumstances in life, success requires you to simply finish. If you “finish” every day, all those successes will add up.

Follow your passions and think big.

Are you a woman? Are you a minority? Do you feel disadvantaged in some way? Do you have a disability? Do you have health issues? Well, none of that prevents you from pursuing your passions. Life is too precious to waste to not step outside your comfort zone. What’s the biggest dream that you have? Make it come true. You heard me. By achieving success on an immediate goal, you will gain exponential motivation to pursue your life in a huge way.

This kind of “living your life to the fullest” will allow you to appreciate all that life has to offer later on.

Learn how to care for yourself and how to set boundaries.

Noise is all around. When you are young, it’s easy to get distracted by all the hustle and bustle. You have many friends who want to pull you in all directions at once. At your work, you don’t have authority. You work to help others at work. Even if you have own passion projects, you have many constraints that will throw curveballs at you. All of that quickly pile up to take away your time and energy. What do you do? You draw the line.

You tell people you are busy. You take actions in situations that literally spell out “No, thank you.” You let go.

You choose what you want to do at any given moment in time. Use that choice to take actions that will reflect your authentic intentions. Through that, recognize that “you” come first. Caring for yourself is paramount to caring for others. You do you!