The F Word
Tags: Breastfeeding, Motherhood, Parenting, Mothers, Baby

Like so many other new mothers, I’d sat through hours of militant NCT and antenatal classes repeating the mantra that breast is undoubtably ‘best’. I’d watched nervously as knitted boobs were brandished around church halls and told that a ‘good latch’ was something to celebrate and strive for (I’ve heard many a ‘latch-off’ between tiger moms) and to be prioritised above all else. I was, after all, about to willingly become another human’s sole food source. And frankly, I was terrified.

It hit me early on that something was seriously wrong with the advice being given to women about to embark on motherhood. I mean, I was surrounded by materials documenting the tempting benefits of breastfeeding (everything from weight loss, to reduced risk of breast cancer, to ‘breastfeeding is free’). But, when I gingerly asked how you ‘stop’ breastfeeding the course leader wryly smiled and replied with: ‘why on earth would you want to stop?’

Information for ladies choosing not to breastfeed were none existent. And beyond the actual mechanics of how to breastfeed, there was little discussion about the decision to choose to do it in the first place. The notion that a woman would actively choose not to breastfeed wasn’t scoffed at – it was completely off the agenda. Formula feeding is basically the Burger King of baby food and any real mother would naturally want to breastfeed, right?

So, after a pretty traumatic entrance into the world, my daughter and I barely had a moment to breathe before the local breastfeeding-support tribe started doing the rounds on the maternity ward checking latches and correcting baby-hold-positions. Bed-ridden women and hungry new babies in their clear plastic cribs were at the beginning of their feeding journeys.

And what a journey it’s been.

Tears, sleepless nights, days written off with hours of cluster feeds, thrashing babies on boob strikes, lactation consultants, diet changes, nipple creams, mastitis, the fear of breastfeeding in public, the frustration of a husband who can only console his baby with nappy changes and hugs. ‘How can something so natural be so hard?’ I wailed to my midwife, who smiled and shrugged apologetically. ‘Wouldn’t she be more settled on formula?’ I asked after days of wrangling an agitated baby. ‘Our advice is to breastfeed’ she replied. It was like Prime Ministers questions.

I had been warned about the ‘breast-is-best-brigade’ but what I hadn’t expected was the shame-inducing attitude (and absolute radio silence) when it comes to formula feeding. Even the mere mention of the F word to health professionals and successfully breastfeeding mums (and their partners) is enough to cause widespread panic and raised eyebrows. Whilst my breastfeeding friends proudly drape themselves in muslins to feed their babies, my friends opting to formula feed discreetly rummage through bags to locate bottles and powder in the shadows.

Why the shame? Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone.

And repeat.

Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. And that’s fine. It’s exhausting, it’s mentally (and literally boob) draining and it’s often something that women physically can’t do. A quick Google gives little helpful information on formula feeding and even formula brands kick off their websites with a ‘breastfeeding is best for babies and provides many benefits’ opening statement. Yet there is little scientific evidence between breastfeeding and child obesity, food allergies, IQ and other health benefits that lactivists attribute to breast milk.

But what I’ve found most troubling, is how breastfeeding subtly anchors women back into the home exclusively as mothers, girlfriends and wives with the prospect of returning to work a milk clouded dream. As my NCT course leader insidiously implied – why would anyone choose to go back to work over nourishing their child?

It’s relentless. Even my social media feed has become a barrage of Insta-mom-influencers smiling with a babe on the boob, a startup business loading on their laptops alongside #ads for the latest £400 breast pumps. If you do manage to make it back to work literally any free time should be spent hooked up to a pump like a dairy cow. Progressive, right?