2020 —10 Intentions to Direct My Year
By: Georgie Nightingall
Tags: Growth, Intentions, Goals, Reflections, Year In Review

2020 —10 Intentions to Direct My Year

‘’Starting requires faith, it requires an openness and some small level of intention but no defined end goal. Note I said intention and not direction. Intentions define direction….intentions come before’’ — written by me in 2016 in ‘The Artist’s Way — 10 Key Themes

Intentions define direction. They are not the direction. Or the end goal.

I’ve learnt that its problematic to want to move forward in my life — to grow — when I focus on only direction or goals.

Direction

Direction is certainly useful to have but occasionally it feels either too wide or too specific. And if it isn’t attached to anything then its easy for me to feel like it may not be the right direction. When you come across things on the journey it is often hard to pinpoint whether they are the right or the wrong things, unless you have an intention to help direct you.

Goals

Likewise, it’s easy to make a list of goals I’d like to complete in any given year. But I have discovered that this is narrow-minded. Why?

1) Goals are about a desire for completion of the desire. Not the process of getting there.

2) Goals set me off with a specific end in mind and generally do not pay attention to the route in which I get to this goal (and whether this is in line with my values). Plus, directing towards goals is often a streamlined process, and often ignore the possibility that there might be a more tangental, interesting route full of plenty of other opportunities that I might actually want, but can’t see because I am so focused on the goal (that I might not want or even enjoy the process of getting).

3) Goals I think I want may not be the goals I actually want, but perhaps one I (or society) think I should want.

4) Goals are easy to not meet and are therefore sometimes a single-point of failure if that is how you measure success. Which can lead to a feeling of failure and a lack of appreciation of what has actually been gained.

Intentions

Intentions, on the other hand, give me a direction to move in without defining where that intention will take me exactly. They are more about a way of being and behaving and this ambiguity or range of interpretation means I can apply them to a number of circumstances, and without the need to sacrifice my values and principles. In fact, my intentions are generally about ensuring that I live by my values — what I think is important — and this generally results in a more happy Georgie. Because I act according to who I think I am, not who I think I should become.

Reflecting on 2019

I decided to start the year and decade defining what intentions I want to live by more this year. 2019 was a year of mostly uncompleted goals, if I compared them to the list I had created at the beginning of the year. I felt a failure in my business and compared myself to other peers and their incredible business success. Instead I got a year of bad health and real struggle, and was given a different opportunity — to learn the fundamental lessons of life (acceptance, gratitude, patience, love and care) that I wouldn’t have been able to experience otherwise. Lying around at home fatigued to save energy for key commitments, I felt it was an enormously frustrating year. It was also an enormously significant year. I grew enormously. Learning more about who I am than I have before. Learning to have more love and compassion for myself than I have before. I regret nothing.

This year I am thankful to be well. To have energy to put into my endeavours. And to lead the kind of life that I would be proud to live, regardless of whether I fulfil the goals that the goal-oriented /achievement-addiction part of me wants to achieve. (There are many different parts of myself and they often want very competing things. 2019 taught me to listen to and be empathetic to my less vocal voices and have a dialogue with them.)

So, this year, I’m lead by my intentions. And here they are…

10 Intentions for 2020:

1. “And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.”― Shanti

The quote says it all. Life is for living — for experiencing all that it can offer — which means that you have to be on the edge and not in the cosy comfortable middle. Instead of ending a week tired, frustrated with the messiness of it and of me, I want to see this as a sign that I have fully experienced what it is to be alive in the world.

2. Be soft and strong —be assertive and compassionate

This intention is two-fold: it reminds me of my masculine and feminine energy and also that leaning into conflict has massive rewards.

I’ve noticed that I lean into my ‘leader, get things done, be direct’ masculine energy a lot in both my relationships and my working life. And yet, as much as I can and like to lead, I also enjoy following. And as much as I like to plan and create my circumstances, there is a real beauty and value to being slow, to be soft and allowing (rather than pushing) things to happen in a ‘yin’ way. Dancing, especially, helped me express this more feminine energy of mine and I’ve realised the joy of following and of trusting the leader.

The second part of this intention is to lean softly and strongly into conflict.

We have a tendency to not want to argue with others. Perhaps fuelled by a fear that confronting others about their behaviour and sharing difficult emotions will lead to a fight or someone walking away, and negatively impact the relationship.

Training in Non-Violent Communication and Authentic Relating in 2019 helped me realise that creating the space to explore misunderstandings and share needs, actually transforms the conflict into intimacy; I came out from these conversations feeling closer and more compassionate towards the other person.

3. Be in my body — have curiosity and compassion for what is happening in the body, not just the mind

I like thinking and generally do it well— my strength is thinking my way out of everything and into everything. Which sometimes means ignoring feelings in my body — whether they be emotions or simply tiredness.

But my feeling and sensations are actually important signals that I’m missing out on. Learning to tap into the wisdom of my body has given me an ability to make better decisions — about what I actually want, rather than what I think I want.

Through noticing my bodily signals, I am also able to acknowledge the reality that is happening to me rather than resist it, because it is not what I want. What you resist, persists, so they say. 10 days of Vipassana meditation in silence taught me about the experience of Karl Roger’s famous quote: ‘The curious paradox is that, when I accept myself as I am, then I can change’.

4. Create moments to play each day — this is the adventure of living

I feel this one is simple. Follow the simple cravings to play each day. Make every interaction an opportunity for fun — to co-create and play with another human. Give daily acts the framing of ‘adventure’ and see how easy it can be to make stuff fun. Shopping, cooking, reinventing my bedroom layout, finding lost things, completing my to-do list. Everything can be a game. Just watch children!

5. Experience the world with others — create moments to experience it together

I have a lot of time having conversations and I love it. But I also love building relationships through the act of relating and playing with activities. When you experience stuff with people you create memories. You do things together which you can then remember and talk about later. You’re in the present. Often when we ‘catch-up’ with friends we share experiences we had without them. I don’t want to spend my life talking about things done. I want to spend life making time to do those things, with people. Creating moments and memories.

6. Look after yourself — you only have 1 body and 1 life

I am nothing without my health, despite the fact I run through life thinking I am invincible. In 2019 I learnt that when the body says no, there isn’t much you can do except look after yourself. I lost my energy, my thinking brain and my ability to do the things that give my life meaning in this world. Fighting it only made it worse so I had to learn the lesssons of acceptance, of patience, of no expectation and of gratitude for what small things I did have. I learnt to say no to a lot, even things I really wanted to do (like see friends), so that I could say yes to myself.

My intention is to look after myself. To treat myself like I would treat a good friend (Rule 2: Jordan Peterson)and realise that it's possible to lose them if you don’t care enough about them.

7. Everything happening now is both essential and impermanent — embrace what happens and be grateful to experience it

It’s essential because now wouldn’t be now without everything that is happening right now, regardless of whether I want it to be happening. Similar to 3), I can’t control what happens most of time, only my response to it. So accepting that what is happening is happening because it is essential to now, allows me to acknowledge, let go and accept the reality of life.

Impermanence was my word for 2019. I really learnt about the changing nature of everything — how every moment, as beautiful or awful as it was ‘will soon pass’. So expecting or wanting it to stay only lead to disappointment. Applying this lens to my health made me appreciate the beauty of a great day of sunshine or energy. My week at Burning Man helped me apply this to relationships — realising both made me realise how fragile and special they were. Every moment with someone may be the last good time you have together. Obviously, there is death, but also friendships and romantic relationships are always evolving. Circumstances and people change. Holding on to them suffocates it. Realising they would end gave me both liberty and a sense of real presence and appreciation for the moments I did get to have with others. When you slow down to smell the roses, there is so much fullness in the moments.

8. Give often, love regardless and express unconditional kindness — we are all in this together

Firstly, giving feels amazing! Not only do I get to feel like I am useful, I get to see the impact it has on others. Seeing their eyes light up with joy and seeing their life made a little bit easier and more welcoming. And then, I can see the world become a better place. Giving is infectious. It encourages us to look after each other, in a world where we do actually need each other.

And it’s not difficult. It can take 1 minute, 5 minutes or hours. But you don’t have to do much. Simply start with the intention, look around and notice where you could add value. Small acts can create ripples.

Love regardless and expressing unconditional kindness. Everyone is fighting some inner battle. Everyone has bad days. When people are rude, unkind, angry or difficult, there will be a reason why. And it may not be me. It is easy to get triggered, to be offended, get defensive, to be angry, to want to move away and protect oneself. Instead, I’m learning the value of accepting people’s state as they and to extend an empathetic hand and try and see the world from their view. To know that how they behave is not who they are. To know that underneath it all is a fellow human being, much like me, who occasionally isn’t the most enjoyable company. We’re all in this game of life together; being kind to others makes the game much more fun.

9. Let the world hold and care for you — people want to support and they are strong enough

Not only is it okay to not feel okay, we aren’t meant to live life alone, supported only by ourselves. I take pride in my independent autonomous self, but really I want to be connected and I want to care and be cared for. I love having meals and tea made for me, massages, real hugs and simply hanging out among groups of family or friends. Yet I don’t share my needs. I resource what I need myself. Humans need both belonging and autonomy. Letting people look after you is not a weakness. It actually feels great, for both you and them, because they get to give.

10. Share my gifts with the others — write human stories, own my expertise and just start

I have felt like I have so much to give the world and yet I sometimes sit back and don’t. I sometimes feel an imposter so don’t talk about my expertise for fear that I am not good enough to be ‘an expert’. I don’t share all my writing because it feels like I am burdening people with crappy verbose musings and monologues. And yet, I know, deeply, that I want to share more and I’m not. Held back my limiting beliefs that I know really aren’t that true, I’ve convinced myself that sharing more of myself might somehow be a bad thing to do. I know this isn’t true. Just start. It will never feel like the right time.

THE END.

SLASH. THE BEGINNING… OF 2020.