4 Things You Should Never Say To Anyone Struggling to Have Children
By: Nidhi Mehta
Tags: Fertility, Parenthood, Infertility, Family, Pregnancy

4 Things You Should Never Say To Anyone Struggling to Have Children

Just stop thinking about it and it will happen! Simply put, you’re not helping. While there may be some truth to this, the most infuriating thing you can tell someone who might be spending all of their time and money on research and fertility treatments is to stop thinking about the thing she wants most out of life in that moment. Wanting motherhood is not like wanting chocolate cake. It’s not a desire that comes with an off switch or one that can be preoccupied away. What to say instead: Legitimately say ANYTHING BUT THIS! Or DO something that could help accomplish this: ask your friend to join you at a yoga class, invite them to a movie or concert, or girls’ weekend. Taking their mind off of having a baby will be a hard thing to do, but getting them to relax with you and have fun may not be. Give them or force them into an opportunity to let their hair down, remember who they were pre fertility war and reconnect with themselves. Why don’t you just try having more sex? Would LOVE TO! Most couple’s struggling to have a child have likely led with that strategy. In fact, I take back my “Would LOVE TO” because there’s a good chance they’ve had SO MUCH sex, it’s become a chore, weighed down by expectation. What to say instead: Maybe there’s a cheesy way to make fertility treatments sexy! Or I know how the stress of all of this could be impacting the romantic aspect of your life. Maybe play hooky one day or set aside some time to just be together once a week – no baby talk, just connecting. You shouldn’t have waited so long to try to have kids. What did you expect to happen? If by waiting to have kids, you mean building a career, finding a partner that I’d actually want to have children with and living my life fully — then I would have expected a more supportive friend who was proud of my accomplishments and didn’t come at me with an “I told you so.” What to say instead: I know this is taking longer than you wanted, but you will get there. There are a million ways to be and have a family. And look at all you’ve accomplished already. Are you sure it’s worth the trouble/Are you really sure you want kids? No, I’m totally unsure. That’s why I’ve spent every waking hour researching parenthood, fertility health and treatments, while squeezing every penny I can out of my budget while I get stuck with multiple needles nightly. I’m so glad you asked that, as I hadn’t given any thought to wanting kids at all before I shelled out my life savings and let my partner stick a huge needle in my ass… Look, sarcasm aside, if your friends are constantly thinking or talking or researching about infertility and parenthood, you can safely bet they’ve taken into consoderation whether or not they want to have children. They are going through enough amd don’t need to be patronized. What to say instead: I’m sorry this is such a long journey for you. But I’m behind you and I support you. The minute you birth those little brats, I’ll be here with a tub full of advice…and gin…whatever you need!