THE DUMBLEDORE MOMENT
Tags: Harry Potter, Identity, Insights, Self-awareness, Values

Who am I?

There I was. Talking animatedly to a group of schoolchildren about the importance of philosophy. Sure I was pushing 50, but fit, energetic and with a most generous head of hair. Could have passed for ten years younger. I had no doubt.

I paused for breath. Then, unmistakably, there was a whisper and a giggle from the back of the class.

‘Look at him. It’s Dumbledore!’.

It was like a bath in ice water. My image of myself transformed in an instant. The Dumbledore Moment.

They keep coming. It’s a Dumbledore Moment when you catch a reflection of a stranger in a shop window and suddenly realise it’s you. It’s a Dumbledore Moment when you lose your job out of the blue. Or your partner says she doesn’t love you anymore. Or you pass an exam you expected to fail. Or when someone admires a quality you had no idea you had.

2020 has been one long Dumbledore Moment for so many people, forcing us to question everything, not least our fundamental beliefs. Throughout my adult life I took it for granted that I leant toward the political left, thanks to an in-built disposition to fairness. And yet I have found myself increasingly repelled by the unreflective paternalism of left-wing politicians. The ‘pandemic’ has liberated a full-blown passion for individual freedom in me.

As time passes, we build a picture of ourselves. We come to think of this view as solidly and permanently what we are: ‘I am a good mother.’ ‘I am well-balanced.’ ‘I’m smart.’ ‘Nothing much gets past me.’ ‘I’m essentially a poet.’ Whatever our image, we are much more likely to reinforce it than question it. But that does not mean it’s objectively true. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s all there is to us.

A few years ago some colleagues and I did a research study into occupational therapists’ (OTs) values, using a tool (the Values Exchange) designed to illuminate personal judgements. The organisation that commissioned the work wanted to show that OTs share a set of values unique to their profession.

To test this, we created five scenarios typical to OT practice (for example, deciding whether or not to recommend costly equipment) and asked 150 practitioners to agree or disagree with a proposal (for example, that the equipment should be recommended). If OTs really share the same values, they should all have made the same judgement. Yet in each case there was disagreement, and in two the split was around 50:50.

On digging into respondents’ comments, a complex picture emerged. First, while all the OTs shared a genuine desire to do the best for their clients, what they took ‘the best’ to mean varied considerably. Often their views were in complete opposition — some would do one thing while their fellow professionals categorically would not. Second, when responding to further situations which required the same type of judgement (for example whether or not to respect a client’s informed wishes) around three quarters of respondents were consistent, but the rest contradicted their previous choice — a typical finding on the Values Exchange.

As people use the Values Exchange to decide what to do, the software compiles patterns which show what drives decision-making. When respondents see their results there is no shortage of Dumbledore Moments. I remember the shocked expression on the face of a nurse manager when I revealed his preferences. The Values Exchange showed, with little room for doubt, that he was risk averse and relied heavily on the law to back up his conclusions.

‘But that’s not me,’ he blustered. ‘I’m a nurse and nursing is about supporting people, not managing risk.’ But his actual choices told a different story.

We think we know what we will decide because we believe we have solid identities. But we know ourselves less well than we think. In reality, ‘I would never do that’ can turn instantly into ‘In this case we must’.

Dumbledore moments are not necessarily bad, but they are always a surprise. It’s not just that you see yourself as others see you, but you also see your own complexity. You are more than who you thought you were. You are a kaleidoscope. A compilation. All at once there is a chance to re-imagine yourself, even to be Dumbledore if you want.

Who am I today? How did I get here? Where should I go next? How should I be? Once we are aware of them, Dumbledore Moments replace certainty with curiosity. They reveal the mystery of ourselves, highlighting hidden elements that make us what we are. Good or bad, wanted or not, Dumbledore Moments are an opportunity to take a richer view of ourselves.

To experience the latest version of the Values Exchange simply register here: https://deliberativepractice.com/. It’s free to use.