I Don’t See That I am Black, You Do
By: Rebecca Stevens A.
Tags: Humanity, BlackLivesMatter, Illumination, Blackness, Race

I often get asked how it feels to be black. It’s as if, people think that I wake up in the morning saying to myself that I am black and that I spend my entire day thinking about nothing else but my blackness. Let me let you in on a secret:

When I look at the world, I don’t see my blackness, I see other white, black, and brown human beings. I am not always conscious of my blackness. I can’t see myself as I stroll down 5th avenue, the Champs Elysees or Las Ramblas for that matter.

It is the other that sees me, and it is this same other’s perception of me, it is this same other’s behavior toward me, that sends me back to my blackness. It is constantly through the other that I remember I am black. My blackness, like your whiteness, or your browness, is not always top of mind, it is unconscious.

As communications experts will tell you, non-verbal cues are 80 percent of the message that human beings unconsciously send to one another. It would take a great deal of practice for anyone to control their non-verbal cues. Unless of course, one was a brilliant actor, but the reality is that most of us are not.

After living for close to half a century in countries where I am evidently a visible minority, I, and many others like me, have learned to detect the slightest signs of disapproval when someone treats us differently because of the color of our skin.

As a black person, you learn to detect this disapproval from very early on. For example, when the old lady on the street clutches her handbag even closer when she sees you approaching, or even worse when she goes out of her way to move to the other side of the street to avoid you.

When the sales assistant inconspicuously follows you around the store or refuses to show you the Louis Vuitton bag behind the counter because she thinks you can’t afford it. When the taxi driver tells you he cannot take you to your neighborhood because he is done for the night and you see him picking up another passenger. When the Airbnb host decides he no longer wants to rent the place to you once he sees you.

Detecting these signals becomes a self-preservation instinct you see — a skill you have to master, to avoid getting hurt both emotionally and/or physically. For example, if you sense a skinhead is going to beat the living daylights out of you because you are black, your fight or flight survival mode kicks in, and this can save your life.

There are many situations — like the one George Floyd faced, where no matter how well you can detect these racist non-verbal cues, and try to save yourself, you’ll unfortunately never be able to make it out alive. And this in itself is devastatingly tragic.

Since it is the other that reflects my blackness, how can the other unlearn the negative stereotypes strongly ingrained in their psyches about blackness? The only way that this can be done is by rebooting one's brain whereas bias and prejudice are concerned. This process involves the unlearning of negative stereotypes. Making the conscious decision to educate oneself, to not accept sweeping generalizations about any ethnic or religious group — whether it be black, brown, Jews, or Muslims.

It is important to spend more time with the other — getting to know the other. All human beings have the same needs as described in Maslow’s Pyramid. First, there are our physiological needs, the need to have food, water, warmth, and rest. Then comes our safety and security needs, then our needs to belong, to feel loved. After comes our esteem needs or the need for a feeling of accomplishment. Finally comes our self-actualization needs — achieving one’s full potential. Once we realize, we are the same, that we have the same fundamental needs, we begin to accept the other, we begin to see our common humanity.

Children are not born racist, but somehow along the way, they sometimes become racists. Why is this? There seems to be a seismic flaw in society that imprints discrimination and bias on the pure and innocent mind of a child.

We need to identify when this takes place so that we can take swift action to exterminate it as earliest possible. Do negative stereotypes about other groups take root in the household, in school, in congregations, in the workplace? Who are the people or channels that spread these poisonous messages? Once we identify where the harm comes from, we can address it and take action against it.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that not all others send me back to my blackness. There are many good people out there that do not judge me because of my color. Every day, I meet people that look past my color into my true character, into my skills, my expertise, my humanity. These people are the educated and enlightened ones, the ones that have understood that regardless of our different hues and shades, we are but one human race.

Thank you for reading my perspective.