How’s Your Relationship with Yourself?
By: Judy J Lutz
Tags: Mindfulness, Self Love, Spirituality, Relationships, Connection

How’s Your Relationship with Yourself?

Don’t skip out on your most important relationship, it’s you.

What is a Relationship Exactly?

The Google dictionary will tell you it’s a “state of being connected.” Hmm, that could mean so many things. Most of us jump to the conclusion that we’re on one end of the connection and someone else is on the other, but I’d like to suggest something else.

When we think of relationships we want them to be good, don’t we? Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’m gonna find some bad relationships today and nurture them.” At least I hope not.

To me, the word “relationship” also has a hint of “looking for” written into the meaning. True love, perhaps. Great friends, happy families. Anyone you come into contact with has the potential to be a relationship, or maybe it’s in that instant you get to decide whether or not to continue. Some you want, some you don’t, but aren’t we always seeking?

Maybe not, now that I think about it. I’ve shunned some unwanted advances pretty strongly in the past. Rejection is such a harmful part of the relationship-seeking world.

And relationships aren’t just about people. I have a great relationship with my dog, for instance. When you “relate” to something, that’s not a person, it’s an idea. To “have” a relationship is not the same as being “in relationship to” something, it’s a comparison.

Two of Emotion

I often play with my Tarot cards for inspiration. It started with curiosity, and since I’m open to any kind of new information (especially when it’s all about me,) I have no qualms about using them. My mother would have been horrified, I’m sure.

I use a Guardian Angel deck distributed by Hay House. I like to think about the positive messages they send me, always the right words at the right time. Today I got one that bothered me a bit though because it didn’t seem to be true.

I wasn’t quite sure if “Two of Emotion” meant the same thing across the board so I looked it up. Apparently, it’s a message of relationships, partnerships, and loving connections.

“A relationship grows closer as two people fall in love, or a current relationship grows much stronger. Friendships may deepen into a spiritual connection. Mutual respect and understanding exist or will develop. Don’t give up on relationships that feel challenging to you. There’s still hope!”

Since COVID separated me from my relationship with my job and forced me to move to more affordable housing, I can’t say I’ve had many people I could apply this to. I haven’t met many neighbors because of socialization fear. I love my husband and he’s the only person I really hang out with, but I didn’t get the sense this was about him.

I thought about who I could reach out to, any number of close friends that I haven’t seen in a while, but that didn’t quite fit either. And then I knew. It was about my current project, my connection with my higher self.

The Concept of Duality

Eckhart Tolle wrote the book The Power of Now when he had the grand epiphany that we are actually two selves. He talks of his intense depression, and how one night he woke up with such a feeling of hopelessness that he contemplated ending his life.

As he ruminated on loathing his existence, the words “I cannot live with myself any longer” kept repeating in his mind. He suddenly became aware of how peculiar that thought was.

“Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with. Maybe only one of them is real.”

I’ll attempt to put my feelings into words on this subject, and I know you’ll have your own way of describing these two states of consciousness as well. What you believe is what’s real for you, by all means.

I agree with Eckhart, that my true self is pure consciousness before it’s connected to form, my physical body. I believe we are eternal souls, and when we leave our bodies we continue to exist.

It’s the physical self, our “identity” that pretends to be who we really are. This is the mental noise, the thinking mind. This self tries to control our world, to create “reality.”

My quest has been to get out of my head and back in touch with my spirit, does that make sense? The practice of meditation puts a halt to my heavily influenced thinking brain and allows space for knowledge that comes from my inner being.

This is the connection or relationship I seek. We need both selves, they are meant to work together, but how many of us understand and accept the differences in their existence?

My Relationship with Me

I’ll be honest, it’s been a constant battle between what my higher self wants and what my actual self does. Let’s call it what it is, self-sabotage. Come on, we’ve all been there. Something calls on you to do better, and then you talk yourself out of it. You get it now, right?

It’s only recently I’ve discovered the reason I’m not moving forward in my life is that my ego self has been calling the shots. The more I try to figure things out, the less I do because there’s so much uncertainty.

Your true power lies deeper within, beyond what your mind can tell you. You must establish a stronger communication system by believing in that spiritual self and relying on its guidance. That’s the challenging relationship because it’s so hard to establish an undeniable connection.

Your eternal self may speak to you in many ways. It’s constantly supporting your every move, you just have to be aware of it. Tricky thing determining what’s real and not real.

The one thing I know is the more you look around, the more you will see and believe in the opportunities that are being offered to you. Trust these gifts, you are loved and adored by the universal energy that surrounds you. All you have to do is accept that it’s there.

Namaste