What Do We Owe Our Parents?
By: Sappho Fortis
Tags: Self-awareness, Philosophy, Personal Development, Life, Family

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

“I created you, Mi Vida, as God created Adam… Without me, you would never have seen a beautiful sunset or smelled the rain approaching on the wind. You would never have tasted cool water on a hot summer day. Or heard music or known the wonderful pleasure of creating it. I gave you these things, Mi Vida. You … owe … me.”

A curious thing to say to your child, or rather your clone.

In The House of the Scorpion, by Nancy Farmer, the main character Matt, a clone of someone in need of his organs, is presented with this obligatory pressure from his creator. Though we are not clones, we all find ourselves in similar situations, don’t we? As children, what do we owe our parents?

In many Asian cultures, especially Chinese culture, children are expected to take care of their parents in the same way their parents took care of them. Children are expected to give their parents monthly allowances to show “filial piety,” a deeply ingrained cultural value of showing respect for one’s elders. Children are expected to take their parents into their homes once they settle down. Children are guilted into providing for their parents with frequent remarks of, “When I’m retired, remember what I did for you.” and “I can’t wait for you to get your first job and help me get your younger brothers through college.”

These pressures certainly leave many Asian Americans with feelings of suffocation and embarrassment. Admittedly, the need for open communication instead of guilt and manipulation is pressing in Asian families. Giving back to parents should be something that’s done out of appreciation. Certainly, the current practice of filial piety is flawed.

However, many of these values are goodhearted. It is unfortunate to see these Asian American expectations set forth in a country where it is uncommon to do these things for your parents, and as such, don’t earn the respect and authority in America that they do elsewhere. In a world increasingly prideful of “individuality,” fewer people are practicing values that benefit society as a whole. Most of us all secretly dread old age, where we need the aid of a retirement home to get through the day. We dread it because it’s lonely and unexciting. But old-age is only lonely and unexciting because people, in their prime time, have lost the value of filial piety. As middle-aged adults, we give our mothers a call once a week and forget about them otherwise. Meanwhile, your mothers sit alone in your small childhood home in Atlanta.

It is because of this mentality, that many middle-aged adults are practicing right now, that you yourself dread getting older. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you were surrounded by your children and grandchildren day after day.

So, perhaps we as children are indeed obligated to our parents in a greater way than we all acknowledge today. We owe it to our parents to continuously involve them in our lives, regularly invite them to our guest bedrooms every month, or meet with them every Sunday for brunch and an activity. Eager to live our own lives and get away from the parents who nagged you for 18 years straight, we forget the gratitude we owe them and the gratitude we secretly wish our children would show us in our old age.

However, our obligation must certainly live on a spectrum; there is a limit to what we owe our parents. And only you can determine what that is.

Granted, The House of the Scorpion brings to light the shocking notion that a child owes their parent their literal life.

But Farmer’s quoted explanation also leaves room for more thought. Your parents decided to give you the ultimate gift of life — the extraordinary feeling of your legs racing beneath you as you run, the sheer pleasure of chocolate ice cream, the beauty of sunsets. Though you may not owe them your life, you certainly owe them as much as you can give them.

You owe them more than what you are giving them right now.