Letting go of Trump
By: Jeffrey Denny
Tags: Relationships, Narcissism, Humor, Trump, Political Satire

From BusinessInsider

Letting go of Trump

It’s hard but healthy.

Jeffrey Denny

I’ve been in a toxic relationship with a certain someone for the last four years.

He knows who he is.

For the sake of respectful anonymity, let’s call him “President Trump.”

And I can tell you, every horrible thing they say about being with a narcissist is true.

Some days can be crazy fun. Many days are crazy bad, but you hope to balance the good with the bad and ride it out. But looking back you realize the whole relationship was unhealthy for everyone.

So I’m relieved my thing with “President Trump” seems to be finally, finally over, I can move on with my life, and get healthy again.

But it’s never easy to make a clean break with a narcissist who has dominated your thoughts, feelings and very self.

While your narcissist, like Trump, often treated you terribly, you fell under his magic spell and became addicted to the abuse and your growing anger and resentment.

You often wondered, do I have Stockholm Syndrome and identify with my abuser? Do I pleasure in being abused by the most despicable and destructive President of the United States ever, just to feel alive?

One hopes not.

Seeking answers and help via free online counseling to let go of Trump, I turned to the internet.

Wow! Golly gosh. There are LOT of articles about suffering and then finally breaking from the evil gaslighting manipulative clutches of narcissists.

Many articles diagnosing clinical narcissism are written by not psychologists but women angry about their terrible ex-men. This is no coincidence; we know most narcissists are men and vice versa.

If you want logical proof, Trump is a narcissist; he’s most popular with men; ergo, res ipsa loquitur, quod erat demonstrandum, men suffer from narcissism the most.

In any case, as a clinical psychologist wrote in Psychology Today, “once in love with a narcissist, it’s not easy to leave, despite the abuse.”

She offers great advice for letting go of a narcissist. So as my first New Year’s resolution, I vow to adapt her advice to let Trump go:

1. Join a support group.

Joe Biden and the moderate Democrats seem like decent, sensible people who want to make America better for everyone, so count me in.

2. Become more autonomous.

“Create a life outside your relationship that includes friends, hobbies, work and other interests,” the Psychology Today psychologist says.

For me, that means no more being consumed every minute, every day by Trump, fighting with Trump-loving family members who hate me for questioning Trump, or obsessively posting daily rants about Trump on Medium.

It helps when the daily headline news isn’t dominated by Trump and his latest mishigas so he’s not in my face all the time like an ex on Facebook with her new love.

3. Build your self-esteem.

“Learn to value yourself and honor your needs and feelings. Develop trust in your perceptions and overcome self-doubt and guilt.”

I can do this. Even when Trump MAGAs have called me a stupid Socialist DemocRAT elite libtard snowflake anti-American, anti-patriotic, and anti-Constitutional First and -Second Amendment rights that protect hate speech and gun killing. Etc.

4. Learn how to be assertive and set boundaries.

I’ve already blocked Trumpers on Facebook who’ve attacked me for not loving but always criticizing the President of the United States. That’s my right!

5. Learn how to nurture yourself.

I’m really good at this one.

Starting the day with coffee splashed with Baileys Irish Cream has helped me dismiss Trump as a sad yet dangerous clown like the original Bozo. And also to get through the Covid shutdowns and quarantining Trump extended while spreading the pandemic suffering and deaths.

6. Identify the abuser’s defenses and your triggers. Detach from them.

While Trump is struggling to let go of our relationship, fortunately the Constitution is helping with my detachment. It’s like the Constitution is a restraining order!

7. If you’re physically threatened or harmed, immediately seek shelter.

This is not funny. But I’m not worried.

While Trump-pardoned felon and disgraced retired U.S Army minor general Michael Flynn proposed using military force to keep us in the relationship with Trump, fortunately, the Constitution restraining order seems to be working.

8. Don’t make empty threats.

“When you decide to leave, be certain you’re ready to end the relationship and not be lured back.”

Like 81 million fellow Americans and 306 electors, I’m ready to leave Trump. Done, done and done. Fortunately, again, the Constitution reinforces my decision like a restraining order.

9. If you decide to leave, find an experienced lawyer.

For example, not Rudolph Giuliani’s crack election-denying legal team from the firm of Loony, Craven and Howe.

10. Allow yourself time to grieve, build resilience and recover from the breakup.

It’s been almost two months since my relationship with Trump was officially over. But it’s harder to do the recovery process when a narcissist refuses to let go.

You’re tempted to appreciate his tenacity and confuse it with love you seek. Knowing it’s really only love for himself helps let go.

11. Maintain strict no contact, or only minimally necessary, impersonal contact.

At 3 a.m., while Joe Biden is peacefully sleeping but Trump is awake and tweeting, you might itch to respond even with your new happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship with the president-elect.

Do not be tempted to peek at @realDonald Trump or retweet. Helpfully and hopefully, when he’s no longer president, his Twitter account might be taken down or suspended because he’s a big fat narcissist liar.

I understand that it’s not easy to let Trump go.

For my part, what the hell am I going to write about on Medium?

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.