Why Are People Getting Married?
By: Midori The Sea
Tags: Gender Equality, Marriage, Financial Stability, Relationships, Beyourself

When the lady is the baller

Most of my girlfriends somehow earn more than their spouse, by quite a bit. These girls usually work in finance and professional services and met their spouse through dating apps, or friend’s house parties, or the gym (so hot).

Whilst this is a massive generalisation, with finance people, lawyers, marketers, the dating story sometimes goes like this:

They work in the metropolitan, where they get to dress up and sip cocktails at pop-up bars. Their work is demanding but somehow people still have time to gossip. So the singletons don’t fuck in the office, but meet their dates online, and these men can be working in any fields as long as they are charming and dreamy. They also dress up and sip cocktails at pop-up bars.

With money, these women are autonomous. Whilst some may dream of getting married, but most know they have choices, so they are less desperate (usually until their maternal instinct suddenly kicks in). Their number-one goal is not always to find the richest dork in the crowd, but someone who is mentally healthy, cherish them, and not work like a rat (unlike themselves).

What they want is a man that’s physically and emotionally available, someone who can have dinner with you properly rather than checking their work emails.

Very much like law firm partner Miranda Hobbes and her bar-owner husband Steve Brady in Sex and the City.

Sadly, available and successful men are hard to find. Between money and availability, wise girls choose the latter. Make your own money, let the beau loves you. So you will have it all.

Lady ballers are pragmatic

Many over-30 lady ballers question the need to get married. Whilst a fancy wedding sounds nice, looks good on social media and satisfies their parents’ insecurities, many of us by now have questioned (and hopefully answered) the pressure our society, family and peer have imposed on us.

A few years ago, a work acquaintance showed us her new engagement ring. We were complimenting how big the rock was and she shared with pride about how her beau and his pals had this joke going around that one ring has to bigger than the previous ring and she’s the last to get proposed in that group so her ring is “forced” to be a big carat.

We laughed and knew this was absolute bullshit. I practically lost my respect for her, so pathetic.

She lives for marriage, for this ring, for this praise from everyone around her. There’s no proper sense of self in this woman, she’s a product from female collective pain and hasn’t evolved from history.

So no, despite being a senior-ish person at this fancy-ish firm, she is no lady baller. A true lady baller is pragmatic. Here are what she is, and under what circumstances she will think about getting married:

1. She has done self-discovery, she accepts and loves herself and she has clarity

It takes a lot of pain, guts and rationality to go through childhood trauma and rise above that. A true lady baller has this courage to turn pain to self-acceptance and carves out time to know what their values are and what they truly want.

2. She knows how to protect herself

The world has truly changed. In the past, a woman was tagged to their husband, even on things like getting a credit card. But thanks to our forebearers, we now have the rights to be an individual. It should’ve been agreed sooner, but nevertheless, we are here.

Now, if a lady baller chooses to get married, she chooses it from a position of power, not from a position of dependence.

As a stoic, she knows there’s a statistical risk of a marriage ending up in a divorce. She questions whether the legal title is worth this risk. In fact, she thinks through the pros and cons and the probability, and make a calculated decision. The key is not to be overly hopeful and emotional about this, but to assess the risk with honesty.

3. She knows how to handle loneliness

Loneliness is often overlooked but it’s a big deal. Everyone in the metropolitan (or not) experiences it at one point and most of us sweep it aside. Our loneliness leads us to do crazy things, from regretful one-night-stands to marrying the wrong person. A lady baller is vulnerable with loneliness, she knows how to cultivate a meaningful social life, carve out time to self-care and be a good friend through reciprocity.

For the above reasons, she doesn’t get married for the wrong reasons.

4. Insurance, visa, health and sickness, inheritance

The Minimalist Joshua Field Milburn talked about signing a life insurance policy instead of having a wedding when he was married to his now-wife. If it is for security reasons that two are pairing up, then nothing is safer than an insurance policy actually. In fact, that’s probably more secure than a marriage certificate.

There are also other situations where marriage is practical, for a visa, for access to confidential patient information of your spouse, etc. But inheritance and wealth might not be one, because we can always write up a will.

What does this say about marriage? This suggests that marriage for wealth and security is a pretty outdated idea, marriage for love and care seems to hold much more waters in today’s much more equal environment. If it is stability you want, sign a will and get a life insurance policy.