Leaving your parents’ house is not a bad idea
By: Shivam Kumar
Tags: Motivation, Insights, Life, Self

Let’s call it the first breakup. You spent 16–17 years with your parents, literally saw them every day, you both loved each other a lot, they helped you grow(literally and figuratively) and you helped them in your own ways. You were emotionally invested in each other, you had your fights, you had your differences but in the end, they are the best thing that has ever happened to you. I know, romanticizing your relationship with your parents is weird and obviously doesn’t seem like a great idea to start an article. And calling it a breakup is taking it to another level, but hang on, we’ll get to the point.

There are two reactions in general when it comes to leaving your parents’ house, You are either scared that how are you going to manage your life without them since you’ve never done that before. Or, you are excited and curious to find out the same. There’s no right or wrong reaction here, everyone has a different emotional connection and different levels of attachment with their parents and we don't have the same perception of a problem. But one thing is for sure, Leaving them is definitely not a wrong decision, it might be a scary one, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

Whenever this topic comes out, everyone throws these big words like “Independence” and “Exposure” and how they are either excited or skeptical about that. So it doesn’t make any sense if I also contribute to those views and add my two cents. Let’s take a different approach to see things(yes, that's how we do things here). I know some of you are already done with my build-up and really wants to scroll to the next paragraph to know what my point is, but guess what? you’re already reading this(Gotcha!).

The most important thing about leaving your parents’ house is leaving their umbrella of values and beliefs. In other words, I can say that it is the ability to question whatever you know and whatever you believe. Our values, our morals, our beliefs are primarily built by our parents, and how they’ve done their parenting. To all those who are triggered right now, calm down, I am not saying that everything that your parents have taught you is wrong and none of that should be believed and you should become a totally different person than you were with your parents.

See it as an opportunity to realize that there are things that you don’t know. There are things that you never thought of, or never saw from a different perspective. To believe or not to believe, the choice was always with you, from birth, it was with you, it’s just that it was highly influenced by your parents. But now that influence is not eradicated but reduced to a minimal level, and that’s where your decision-making comes to action.

Let’s understand this with examples. My father was always skeptical about doing transactions online, using a debit card to do payments, using internet banking because he was afraid of frauds that happened in digital banking, how refunds will be handled if transactions failed but the amount is debited. For the same reason, I was skeptical about the same as well, but it barely took me 2 weeks after moving out to call my bank and opt for internet banking and start doing online shopping and paying with cards. Why? Because all of my roommates had fathers who were not scared of that, so in turn, they were not scared of that either. They knew how secure things are, how disputes are managed. Obviously, I knew about these things, but this time it was different, I was not influenced by my father’s beliefs, I was with my roommate’s.

Let’s look at another example. Since my father was in the army and he used to be away for the majority of the time in the year, I’ve spent most of my childhood with my mother, I’ve seen her manage everything so bravely and independently that I always admired because my friends’ families were so different, everything was so dependent on fathers, each and everything has to come from them, but it was not the case in my family. I had no sister, but my parents always taught me to respect girls and never underestimate them(yeah, I got slapped by a girl in 7th standard for breaking her water bottle). My father has 2 sisters and my mom was a strong figure, so this value was embedded in me from childhood. Now when I moved out, it was not the case will all of my roommates(let’s not make it a topical article). But the point here is, the choice was mine to stick with the values my parents taught me.

We need to understand that making mistakes is very important, and doesn't matter how elder and wise your friends or your roommates are, you’ll still do them. You will always make decisions for you and sometimes they’ll be right, sometimes they won’t be. But the difference is that you are making them, that too on your own. Your pocket money is now a monthly allowance. The difference you ask? Well, you don’t actually manage pocket money, you just spend it, you don’t survive on it. But you manage the monthly allowance, it’s for survival. You understand that things come with a cost associated with them. Ask your cook to make a fancy white sauce pasta, if he knows how to cook it(give me his/her number, you’re fortunate) but mostly they won’t, and they will not put in the effort to learn and cook it for you so that you can be happy(something you never realized our parents do).

By leaving their house we not only are working on our improvement but we are also helping our parents to improve. Trust me, your parents also become very dependent on you, as you do on them. They have invested so much of their time, 16–17 years of their life for you, and when you leave, it is equally scary and difficult and exciting for them to adjust to the change(for instance, who’s going to get groceries and get cash from ATM, just kidding). Parents learn the most from their children when they grow up because they trust them the most. Parents start working on themselves, taking care of each other when you leave because now they don’t have anybody else to take care of.

If I have to summarize everything(don’t ask me why I didn’t do that earlier)-I’d say that all of this “Independence”, “Exposure” and “Choosing your values” helps to build your personality, helps you build your character because you start getting experiences from the mistakes you do, from the decisions you take. What else personality is, other than your values and beliefs and how you react to situations, and what kind of decisions you make? And that’s why I value experiences the most in life, doesn’t matter good or bad. So this is the only ideal long-distance relationship that you maintain even after a breakup without even realizing it. But if you’re reading this, now you do(Gotcha!).