Certified Divorce Coach Susan Korb Bernstein: “5 Things You Need to Know to Survive and Thrive During and After A Divorce”
By: Ilyssa Panitz
Tags: Women, Divorce, Self Improvement, Wellness

Ilyssa Panitz: What drew you to this line of work?



Susan Korb Bernstein: I was a schoolteacher, administrator, and college professor until I had my first child in 2004. I then wanted a flexible schedule, so I became an educational consultant. In 2014, I transitioned from educational consultant to becoming a divorce consultant. It was then I learned about and obtained my Certified Divorce Coaching certificate. Both professions make a direct and positive difference in people’s lives!

Ilyssa Panitz: You have quite the back story in terms of trying to get divorced, so much so, it was featured on national television.

Susan Korb Bernstein: I would love to share it, but because there is a civil case pending in the court system my attorney says to wait until after.

Ilyssa Panitz: Of course. Given your unfortunate past, do you feel you are able to bring empathy/compassion to the table when you are helping clients going through a divorce?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Absolutely. Many of my clients have high conflict divorces and utilize my coaching skills. I take them from crisis to calm so they can sleep at night know everything will be okay!

Ilyssa Panitz: What are some key words you use to help clients see the light at the end of the tunnel and empower themselves?



Susan Korb Bernstein: My clients become empowered in our sessions by seeing there is more than one option, having a plan and knowing they can overcome the obstacles in their way of achieving their goals with my guidance and support.

Ilyssa Panitz: Why is it important for people to always check in with themselves while they are going through a divorce?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Self-care and healing are vital to focusing forward to make a divorce as smooth as possible. As a coach, I help my clients think about what they really want for themselves and their children. It is extremely important to not make rash decisions and really think through how their actions will affect the outcome of the case and their future.

Ilyssa Panitz: Why is it crucial for people to speak to a therapist or coach while they are going through a divorce?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Divorce puts people into a crisis state even if they are the ones initiating it-it takes a team to get through it smoothly. Attorneys and mediators help with the legal aspect, financial advisors ensure the numbers are accurate, therapists make sure the past is not repeated and coaches get the person unstuck and moving forward with action plans.

Ilyssa Panitz: What will they discover about themselves?



Susan Bernstein: Everyone discovers something about themselves they thought they lost or never knew they had in the first place!

Ilyssa Panitz: Why does divorce bring unwanted stress?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Any change is stressful, and divorce is a change that hits your core. Family as well as finances, thus creates a double whammy.

Ilyssa Panitz: Is depression common?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Of course. There are many stages someone goes through in divorce and situational depression is extremely common.

Ilyssa Panitz: Which is the stage people get stuck in the longest?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Every person is different because every situation is unique. When the individual is ready to and wants to get unstuck and have the resources to help them thorough it, they will move forward much quicker.

Ilyssa Panitz: Why does the person who asked for the divorce blame themself for ending the marriage?



Susan Korb Bernstein: Each case is unique, but no one gets married thinking their marriage will end in divorce, so it is natural to question how much of a role you played in the marriage ending.

Ilyssa Panitz: Divorce has a downside, but there can be an upside as well. Can you please explain what the benefits are?



Susan Korb Bernstein: The benefits of divorce are numerous and endless! The freedom people feel when getting out of a toxic relationship, have limitless possibilities!

Ilyssa Panitz: What are 5 things someone needs to know to survive and thrive during and after a divorce?

Susan Korb Bernstein: Five things to know “during” a divorce to survive and thrive are:

One: It will be done at some point so a new chapter in your life can be started.

Two: Try to take the high road and stay classy so when you look back in five-years you are proud of how you handled the situation

Three: If children are involved go out of your way to make them feel loved, important, special, heard, and even spoiled plus find them the resources they need such as a counselor they can talk to.

Four: You are not alone-there are support groups and professionals whom, can help with everything and anything you need ranging in price from free to expensive-take advantage of all these resources you can

Five: Self-care is vital-it gives you the energy to keep going and get to where you want to be.

And, if I may add, 5 things someone needs to know to survive and thrive “after” a divorce they are:

One: It does get better, but nothing and no one is perfect-there will be setbacks, but keep pushing forward and overall, you will be much happier than before.

Two: Your children will be okay and at some point, even acknowledge that they can tell how happy you are now!

Three: That you will find someone who was where you were, and you will now be the one to support them.

Four: If and when you are ready for a new relationship it will happen, and you will understand why your old one was not meant to be.

Five: There are worse things in life than divorce and you got through it and will now take that success to build on other goals and you will become unstoppable in anything you set your mind too!