Stuck between cultures: growing up Latina in the US
By: Jackeline Velez
Tags: Culture, Latina, Diversity, Empowerment, Career Advice

Stuck between cultures: growing up Latina in the US

How I learned to accept myself (wavy hair and all)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had crippling insecurities about my intelligence, talents and appearance. As a child, I remember wanting to change my nose, knobby knees and huge eyes, because I wanted to look like the fair-skinned girls in magazines. For years, I would straighten my hair every day and wore loads of concealer to make my eyes look less buggy. I always admired kids who seemed to be confident and sure of themselves, when I always felt awkward and like I didn’t belong.

I grew up in a family of six, squeezed into a two-bedroom duplex. My parents were loving and supportive, but sadly I was ashamed of them and wanted to be like the ‘perfect’ families I saw on TV. My parents didn’t push their Bolivian and Mexican culture on me because they wanted me to be American and not experience the discrimination they had endured. As a first generation Latina in the US, I felt stuck between two cultures.

Looking back, I’ve come a long way from that little girl who wished her family was more like the ones on TV. Now, there isn’t anything I would change about myself and background because it makes me ‘Me’. Here’s how I managed to overcome my insecurities and embrace my culture (and why it was the best thing I’ve ever done for my career).

Me at 8 years old at the Galleria Ice Rink in Houston

My breaking point

I had no choice but to make some big changes to my life, beliefs and habits in my late 20s. Over the years, I had picked up some seemingly normal but unhealthy habits, like drinking a few times a week to blow off steam from stressful work. I was eating out almost every meal and not exercising. My emotional, mental and physical health were beginning to deteriorate. To make matters worse, I went straight from a devastating break-up into an emotionally abusive relationship. My work environment and boyfriend were toxic. I felt constantly judged. Saying ‘I don’t know’ was frowned upon, and it was not acceptable to make mistakes. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, which forced me to stop and question the direction my life was headed.

I had learned to ‘fake it till you make it’, acting confident even though I didn’t feel sure of myself. Many adults I observed over the years were anxious, doubtful of themselves and constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios to feel prepared and avoid mistakes. So I started mimicking these qualities, to feel like I was accomplished and in control. It worked in some ways, but only got me so far. I felt constantly anxious, trapped and unhappy with my day-to-day life.

Ditching unhealthy habits

The first change I made was to quit alcohol. I wasn’t ok with calling myself an ‘alcoholic’ but I knew that something wasn’t right. After working in a tense environment all week, having drinks on the weekend was what I looked forward to most. I knew my happiness should not depend on alcohol, but quitting wasn’t easy. It felt like I was losing a best friend and I missed having a crutch to avoid uncomfortable feelings. I felt very empty. So I decided to replace this addiction with yoga.

I was traveling the world as part of my job and had already begun to do little workouts in my hotel rooms along the way. When I stopped drinking, I began to teach myself a yoga sequence. I lost 30 pounds and my health improved immensely. I felt better — both physically and mentally. It became the most important part of my day and I shifted my lifestyle to fit my yoga practice. People joked that I became a health nut, but for me it was about managing my emotional and mental health.

The practice helped me realize that I wasn’t a victim and I could take charge of my life. I learned that discipline is actually freeing. I didn’t have to be pushed around by a job and life that I hated. I proved that I could make changes in my health and outlook on life. And if I could do that, then maybe I could make some changes to my career, too. So I took some time off in 2016 to travel and figure out how to do something that I love for a living.

Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia 2016

Embracing my culture

In 2016, I travelled to South America and visited my father’s home country, Bolivia, for the first time. I learned so much about my family and felt connected to my roots for the first time. Bolivia is incredibly beautiful, but very poverty stricken in some areas. I learned to appreciate the brave journey that my parents made, and saw how the people in my father’s home town were so joyful, family focused and comfortable being themselves, without any of the anxiety or stress I had become accustomed to.

Funny enough, the job I dreamed up in my mind ended up looking very similar to the job I eventually found at Xero. During my first year, I was asked to be part of Latino Tax Fest in Las Vegas. I was still hesitant to speak Spanish and didn’t fully identify with the Hispanic culture, but there was so much pride and openness at this event that I found myself oddly at home. I felt myself acknowledging my roots even more and becoming comfortable speaking Spanish at work. I even started listening to Spanish music and leaving my hair wavy for the first time.

I was gravitating towards the Hispanic community in my day-to-day work. The Hispanic accountants I worked with were really excited to speak to someone who understood accounting and technology and Spanish — three totally different languages! As the second largest country of Spanish speakers in the world, there was a huge opportunity for me to reach the Hispanic community in the US. I never imagined that travelling to South America would help me embrace my culture and improve my career in the way that it did.

Feeling proud in 2020

Empowering myself

When I chose a career in accounting, the decision was based on feelings of fear and my yearning for security. It was the only place I had felt good enough. I don’t regret my decision, because I understand so much more having gone down this road and can now give insights to others in similar situations. I now realize I can make my life decisions from a more powerful, expansive place. I was already good enough from the beginning. Growing in my career was only made possible by empowering myself.

When we realize there is no outside authority that dictates the order in which we do things or decisions we make in our lives, we start to see how much power we really have and can begin to make some lasting changes. A lot of our limitations are self-imposed and based off something that happened in our past. Once we become aware of these limits and feel empowered to overcome them, then we can do more than we can have ever imagined.

Telling my story

In 2019, I took on a project to help Xero create a new initiative for the Hispanic small business community in the US. I did a lot of market research and presented my ideas to the highest levels of leadership at Xero. Instead of trying to be perfect, I was honest and shared my story about how using my language and cultural knowledge helped me finally embrace my roots. Xero decided to move forward with the initiative, and I felt more supported that I had my entire career.

Once I started sharing my story, I realized how important it is for people coming into their careers. When I was young, I didn’t have role models from a career standpoint. I didn’t know how to find a job that was secure and consistent, that didn’t leave me frustrated and burnt out. By sharing my story, I hope I can make people see that embracing your full self — including your culture — can help you discover new opportunities in your life and career.

I’ve come a long way since being a timid and insecure young woman. Of course, I am still relearning some of these lessons, but I am proud of my growth. Today, I’m the US Hispanic Market Director at Xero and get to support my community while doing work that I love. I have a healthy lifestyle, am surrounded by supportive people and feel grateful to my parents for immigrating to this country so I could have a better life. I feel incredibly lucky to be Latina and love the warmth of our culture — I now acknowledge that it’s an integral part of who I am and how I give back to this world.