Breasts and Breakfast
By: Juliano Righetto
Tags: Relationships, Humor, Sex, One Night Stand, True Story

Breasts and Breakfast

Or “The woman who didn’t know how to close her robe”

When I was about twenty, I went to a nightclub and fell in love with a girl in the early nineties. At that time, I was utterly impetuous; I went to talk to her and got her phone number. We went out a few times, but I soon realized that she was a golddigger. She thought I had money — I didn’t — and was disappointed. I think she had some attraction for me; after all, we kept going out for a while, but I realized that something was wrong between us; I just wasn’t sure what it was.

We went out together one last time a few months later. We went to a small nightclub in the Pinheiros region, a trendy place in my city here in Brazil, São Paulo. However, this time, she didn’t even want to disguise the lack of interest in me anymore. As soon as we entered, she mingled with the audience, talking to everyone she met — she lived at night and had several friends — and left me behind. Before that, however, she introduced me to a friend, much older than me.

A twenty-nine-year-old woman.

A grandma (at least that’s how I thought at that moment).

My “girlfriend” disappeared, but her friend kept talking to me. She seemed interested in me. She was the one who told me that my “girlfriend” was a golddigger. The two had spoken, and she complained that I didn’t pay her anything, didn’t take her to expensive places, anyway, I didn’t spoil her as she was used to. That disappointed me tremendously… I liked that girl. I could see that the relationship wouldn’t go very far because of her attitude, but I didn’t think she didn’t like me at all. Sad and already a little drunk, I continued talking to the 29-year-old “elderly.”

I found out that she had been engaged to a famous football player, but their relationship was over. I was single. She was a beautiful woman, tall and thin; she had been a model until recently. As the conversation was good and we were getting along very well, I gave up on my “girlfriend” — in fact, I never saw her again — and kissed my “elderly” friend. Soon we started to get excited, and I suggested that we leave there, to be more comfortable.

Before this, however, my new old friend excused herself to go to the bathroom:

“I’ll do a line, and I’ll be right back!”

What?

I was a twenty-year-old boy. I had never tried any drugs in my life, except for alcohol — in fact, I’m still like that, not even a cigarette I’ve tried until today.

And the girl I was with snorted cocaine?

Well, I’m not the type to judge anyone. If she had her reasons for taking drugs, it’s her life. Of course, at that moment, I thought we would never have a serious relationship. After all, besides being old, she was a drug addict. Even so, she was a very hot elderly drug addict, so I decided that we would stay together that night.

The girl came back from the bathroom and kissed me. I found it very curious; her kiss was salty after cocaine… Is it normal? Anyway… We paid our bills — I didn’t really pay anyone’s bill at that time, I was too broke — and we left.

Did I say I was broken at that time?

Yeah… I had no money to pay for a hotel room. So I decided to take her to my home, where I still lived with my mother. Luckily for me, my mother was very liberal and allowed me to take my friends to my room. That’s what I did…

We went into the room, I explained that I lived with my mother and that it would be good if she didn’t make too much noise, but I think the excitement fueled by cocaine didn’t let the girl understand me. It was a joyful and noisy night. In the middle of the night, I decided to take her home. But she was not excited about the idea. She simply told me that she would sleep in my bed anyway and blacked out.

I woke up before her the next day. I was worried that it wasn’t normal for someone to sleep with me, so I talked to my mom before the girl woke up. My mother was understanding, as was to be expected, and said that she would prepare breakfast for the three of us. I went back to the room.

The girl, as soon as she woke up, wanted to “play” more. I thought it was a good idea. Again, she was a lot less discreet than I expected, and this time my mom was awake… But what to do? Our “game” was too hot for me to think about my mother’s feelings. When the girl was finally satisfied, I called her to breakfast. She got up from the bed, naked, and left the room. I quickly jumped in front of her and offered my robe. She accepted… But she thought it was not necessary to close it.

And he left the room, showing her beautiful body to anyone who wanted to see it.