Learn to love yourself
By: Livvy Adams
Tags: Love Yourself, Acceptance, Improvement, Self Improvement, Self Love

The power of self-love and appreciation is underestimated. In fact, I would say many view having a loving relationship with yourself is wrongly communicated as being self-obsessed and egocentric. When in reality, it should be seen as a normal thing that must be praised. We live in a society full of extremely high standards and unrealistic expectations; where comparing to others and hating ourselves has become a common occurrence. So when someone is happy and full of love for themselves, it shouldn’t make you view them negatively or shame them, but instead why not applaud them and see it as motivation for yourself?

The journey to loving oneself is a tough one and often you are left wondering what the point is. There are days where I look in the mirror and want to cry, and then there are days where I take 100+ selfies because I feel beautiful and on top of the world. It is not straight forward, linear or in any way at all easy, but it is essential. I often wonder if I will ever be fully happy and in love with who I am, but I think realistically it is going to be an ever-changing relationship. However, I have learnt to accept this and I think it is so important that others do too. Of course you are going to have bad days, or even weeks, where your self-worth feels so low, but that is okay. It only becomes a major issue when you allow yourself to stay in this negative frame of mind, where you view yourself in this way on a permanent basis. To have the ability to get yourself out of this head space is crucial in becoming a better and stronger you — I know, easy to say, but very hard to do!

You have to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you make and applaud yourself for your achievements. In order to grow, you can’t dwell on the past or hate yourself over your faults, but rather learn from them and try to improve for the future. If these ‘faults’ are linked to the way that you look, you don’t need to change them; only the way that you view them. I look at my body and often feel like shit because it doesn’t look like the bodies I see on Instagram. However, I have to remind myself that everyone is different and just because I don’t look a certain way doesn’t make my worth any less! I can promise you that if you feel similar, it helps to try and train your mind to see how beautiful and amazing you truly are by complimenting yourself or taking a self-care day!

With social media and constant access to the internet, it seems like you can never escape the pressures of society: both in the sense of looking a certain way and more generally in the way you lead your life. It has become much easier to be insecure and find faults within ourselves than it is to find self-validation and feel content. Many of us worry so much about how other people view us, as we so badly fear being judged, that it shatters our confidence or forces us to live life for the approval of others. This isn’t the case for everyone, but I can admit that I often feel this way, even though I wish I didn’t! Trying to break the cycle of this and reminding myself that the way others view my life doesn’t actually matter is really hard; but I am trying and you should too.

I think a really important lesson I’m learning is to not rely on others to validate my self-worth and to try find it within myself to be happy without the need of other people. If you can do that, while thinking highly of yourself, it is only going to better your future, because only you have to live with who you are 24/7. When you don’t accept or love the body you are in and the life that you lead, how can you expect others to love you to the full extent? You can’t expect someone to change the way you view yourself or to fill the void that is missing in you; it must be you. All you can hope for others to do is add to the love that you already have, rather than fixing you. I never used to understand it when people would say that you must love yourself before you can even begin to give others your love, but now it does make sense. When you feel happier in yourself and with the way that your present life is, you can then start to spread love and help those around you. It all starts with you and your relationship with yourself. If you treat yourself with love and respect, it is much more likely that others will too — an improvement all round!

I wish I could say that it was a quick and easy process that doesn’t require time or effort, but in all honesty it is the complete opposite. Loving yourself for who you are and where you are at is a challenge each day, but imagine how amazing you will feel just for trying? As I said previously, I don’t feel I am at that point all of the time, but even when it is for one day, I cherish it and pat myself on the back! It requires strength to see yourself in a positive light after multiple times of continually putting yourself down. So if that is you then here’s your reminder that you are amazing and all you will ever need is within yourself! Take time to appreciate you and take care of yourself. Ignore the voice in your head that tells you you aren’t enough, because you are more than enough. Stop looking for validation from others or through likes and comments,your life is so much more than what other people may think of it. Don’t be afraid to show when you are feeling content and confident, you won’t look weird and the people who really care will be happy for you. So, smile because you’re beautiful, dance when you feel happy and love yourself unconditionally — you deserve it!