The many faces
Tags: Friends, Conflict, Circles Of Life, Interests, Awkward

Think about the most awkward moments you’ve felt in your life. Was it when you were hanging out with your friends and bumped this person you had a crush on? Was it when you had to meet your friends along with your spouse or parents? Was it at a work event where your family was invited? Or was it on a Friday when you had to choose between having a drink with your colleagues or some friends?

What makes them awkward is the coming together of your various facets. People have different aspects, or dimensions to them. They could be as simple and non-conflicting as their interests. One may have interests in some sport, some work related domain, and other activities. To fulfill these interests, one would interact with various people who belong in these dimensions. Call it as having different circles. Now members in each circle know that you belong to other circles as well. No circle can be exclusionary and all encompassing when it comes to any individual. The real extent of their awareness may vary though. Members in one circle may not know how deeply embedded one is in another circle. In fact they may not even be aware of the other circle, or how many there are. But they do know that there is a strong likelihood of other circles existing. And this usually doesn’t lead to any awkwardness. Or conflict.

But there are other dimensions which can be far more conflicting. These could be religion, or political circles, or interest areas that lead to some polarization such as drinking. If someone’s mom has strong views against drinking, then mixing their drinking circle with their mom will not just be awkward, it could have far reaching consequences. Same goes for many interpersonal relationships. We humans, often have very unfavorable views of some others. These may not have any rationality, but could be due to inherent biases. Many people would have faced this, when some of their friends don’t get along with some others. This leads to different circles, which they definitely don’t want to collide.

Another omnipresent conflict is between your work colleagues and some friends. Many don’t like to mix them. This is because for many, work is a place where you are putting on some face, or not showing some of your colours. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are putting on a false show. It’s just that you feel they are like oil and water, and don’t want them to mix. Having to balance different circles is an art, a full time job. Most of use are constantly playing this tug of war. This isn’t just limited to individuals. It happens to groups as well. A couple of guy friends may have a common circle with many dimensions. Together they have many circles with other friends, or with their spouses. In such a case, the individual isn’t alone in the conflict and balancing their face in the circle they are present in. The friends are in it together, and make it simpler for both of them.

As we move towards an egalitarian society which isn’t segregated on arbitrary criteria, as we move towards a more developed society where work is a passion and not on obligation, as we move towards a more progressive society where all are more tolerant and open to others’ interests, the conflicts reduce. This leads to any individual spending less cognitive effort on constantly balancing this, and more in getting the most out of each circle.

Technology is a double edged sword, like in most cases. Here though, it’s positive impact is far higher. It has provided all kinds of tools to make it easier to build and cherish those circles. You can have them on your phone itself, and may not even need to meet physically. Not only does it make it simpler for one to cultivate different circles, it also makes it simpler to isolate those circles from each other. And sometimes, isolation isn’t bad.