Why You Should Write Like You’re Dying
By: M Gleeson
Tags: Writing, Death, Writers On Writing, Writer, Writing Tips

Why You Should Write Like You’re Dying

What we can learn about life from those who are “writing while dying”

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

As a writing genre, memoirs from the dying are alive and well. These elegantly written last testaments are enjoying tremendous popularity in a rather equal opportunity playing field. You can read memoirs from people you’ve never heard of who share the distinction of “writing while dying” alongside illustrious authors and brilliant physicians.

The memoirs follow a predictable chronology that tracks the author’s pre-illness life, then an unexpected diagnosis, beginning of treatment, failed treatment, death, and then an epilogue lovingly penned by a spouse or family member. Within each memoir, there are exquisite moments and profound realizations that move us. But we also brace ourselves for the inevitable conclusion we know is coming. Because we know how the story ends.

So why do we read them? Is it merely a personal obsession with death? Is it because we need a salutary lesson in how to die from those who can offer the most salient education? To be certain, we can learn a lot from how these individuals lived their lives. They offer some powerful lessons about how we should live our “writing life,” as well.

Be brutally honest

Memoirs from the dying offer a raw and candid account of their journey. These writers generously provide moments of grace and dignity, but they are also honest about the full scope of their circumstances. They write of their anger at being dealt a shitty hand and infuse a rawness that rightfully conveys a middle finger to the unfairness of it all.

Keep this fidelity to the truth in mind with your own writing. Write in a way that is faithfully honest to you and your experience. We oftentimes rob ourselves of the opportunity to be completely candid by hiding behind window dressing, glossing over important details, or omitting essential elements of our narrative. We’re afraid of what it may say about us and the implications of putting ourselves out there. But if you’re doing it right, writing should make you feel completely exposed. Writing honestly is in service to your story. You, your readers, and the story you’re telling deserve to be free of any inhibitions to be nothing but honest with your work.

Create a permanent, prolific record

Writing outlasts us. We’re only here for a finite time. But what we write lives on. It can offer a general record of our lives and deeper insight into our fears. And it should all be written down.

The permanence of writing can be intimidating. But start thinking of how you can leave a lasting imprint. Many of us have weightier, more personal reasons for doing so. We may be parents who want to leave a textual legacy for our kids that may help them learn more about us even after we’re gone. We may simply want our writing to live on as teachable touch points for others. In whatever genre or capacity, the more we write, the more we can leave a lasting record of our lives.

Don’t let criticism derail you

Don’t let the fear of criticism dictate (or delay) your pursuit of writing. We all respond differently to other people’s opinions; some writers are unmoved by criticism while others can feel unmoored by it. For me, the fear of criticism was one of the admittedly lame excuses that kept me from writing for a long time. But the simple fact is that you’re not going to please everyone. It’s impossible. And a necessary lesson in writing — and life in general — is to know what you can and can’t control. So write what you want and how you want without being deterred or encumbered by what people might have to say about it.

The truth is that we should all act like we won’t be around for the negativity; we should act like we don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to care what other people have to say about our writing. Adopting this kind of perspective isn’t to be dismissive or cavalier about any opinions our work may invite. Rather, it’s about not allowing that criticism to be debilitating and derail your pursuit of writing.

Write to understand

At its core, writing helps bring clarity and meaning. This applies in any context: whether we’re in our last days, reeling from any number of major life events, or even in a daily, existential sense. Writing doesn’t diminish the cruelty of disease or help us to change our circumstances. But we write so that we can understand. We learn and process as we write. Why is this happening? What does it mean? What will it mean for my future? Yes, we write to convey a story, impart a lesson, communicate and connect with others. But don’t forget that for all the depth and meaning it can offer us, we write for ourselves first.

Write with urgency

Write like you’re running out of time…because you are. There should be a pressing urgency to your writing, whether it’s getting started, finishing a piece or finally putting it out there to share. What are you waiting for? Put away the excuses. Reading and writing function as a reciprocal round table. When we write, we hope our experiences can offer some wisdom, perspective or empathy to those who read our work. And in return, our readers validate the bravery it took to share our writing. Be generous with sharing the insight of your life experiences.

Annie Dillard put it best (doesn’t she always?):

“One of the things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.”