6 things we can do to be the best role model for our child so they can kick ass in life.
By: Vincent Chung
Tags: Parenthood, Single Parenting, Kids, Fatherhood, Personal Development

6 things we can do to be the best role model for our child so they can kick ass in life. Vincent Chung Dec 18, 2020·8 min read

Be the parent your child will always look up to :)

Here you are.

You grew up. You went to college or university, worked hard and got a degree. You’ve donated the beer bong to your little brother. Paid off all your students debts perhaps even got a chance to travel and see the world, partied everyday like if it was day the world celebrated the official end of the COVID crisis and finally landed a stable career that you are fulfilled and happy with.

Now, here you are thinking about having kids or already having a toddler / young child running around.

Congratulations! Parenthood is perhaps one of the most rewarding and yet one of the most challenging experiences you will have in your life.

Changing diapers, getting shit on on your hands, feeding your baby and getting puked on and waking up in the middle of the night is downright exhausting but that’s nothing compared to raising your Generation Alpha and hope that somewhere down the road they become well-rounded, emotionally balanced adults.

(Vince’s random fact — Generation Alpha is the generation After Generation Z, mainly children born in the early 2010's)

I have consulted with some the elders, the people I have looked up to most of my life who have raised some pretty amazing kids and I’ve asked a few of my fellow parents who are on this parenthood journey as I am and here are 6 tips of wisdom that were common:

1 — Say what you do, do what you say

Be accountable. Whatever you say follow through and do it. No one likes someone who talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk.

If you promise your kids to take them to the park and play do it. If you say you are going to get off work to spend time with them do it.

If you make a promise to your spouse, to a friend make sure you stay true to your words. Your child will mimic your integrity and accountability.

2 — Listen. Listen. Listen.

God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

Actually 2.

Listening to sweet wonderful music, eatting fried chicken and

Listening to people then talk.

“Seek first to Understand.” 5th Habit — 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Listening and understanding requires a lot of emotional intelligence and empathy. It means setting aside your own ego, your own needs, your own validation and putting yourself in the other person’s perspective and point of view.

For example instead if your child has a bad day at school and says,

“I had a bad day at school, I don’t want to go back I hate it!”

Instead of saying:

“I don’t care, you have to go, school is important it’s the foundation to everything in life, now sit down and let’s do your homework together!” )

Ask , understand and let them come up with a solution:

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you had a bad at school. What happened?”

“James was bothering me at school today. he kept bothering me and made me angry.”

“Oh what did he do?”

“He wouldn’t throw the paper away.”

“That must really bother you…”

“Yeah, it did. I don’t like it I want him to throw the paper away.”

“You want him to the paper thrown away.”

“Yeah.”

“I understand how much that bothers you and that must of made your day really bad!”

“Yeah daddy.”

“That’s ok. Bad days are going to be happen not everyday will be good day. What do you think you can do to let it not bother you?

“Hmmm.. Not sit beside him? “

“Hmm you rather sit by yourself? “

“Yeah I will sit by myself I will be happier.”

“Sounds good son. Whatever works for you. Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah daddy.”

“Ok let’s go wash up and let’s work on your homework together.”

Not only have you validated your child’s feelings but you’ve also given them the power to make their own choices.

3 — The more you give the more you take

You brought a child into this world and you want to give them the best. Give them everything you’ve never had. You’ve had it tough growing up and you want to make sure they don’t go through the same hardships as you did.

As tough of certain parts of my life was, there was a lot of growth. I learnt to take care of myself. I was allowed to take risks and I was allowed to fail.

As much as I want to shelter my son at times from the hardships of life, and set him up for an easier path, I need to remind myself that he needs to fall on his own, to be independent and to make something out of his own life.

4 — Be radically open

Hi Son, your body is going go through your some changes….

Growing up I wish I was able to talk openly about everything with my parents. Now that I’m nearing my 40’s I’ve finally learnt that they grew up in a generation that was completely different than the one I grew up in. They grew up tending vegetables and raising chicken and ducks on a farm when they were old enough to hold a shovel and a bucket of feed whereas when I was their age, I was hunting ducks in Duck Hunt with my trusty Nintendo gun.

They had a hard life. They didn’t like to talk about their past and still have hard times talking about. I truly believe that my grand-parents didn’t give them a childhood that looked remotely like mine growing up or the way I communicate with my son now.

Like any well oiled and functional relationships, I want one with full transparency with my son. I want to be able to talk to him about anything and I want him to have to be able to do the same. I want him to be able to talk about his feelings and that those feelings are perfectly normal and human.

I want to be the dad who’s an open book and non-judgmental. No child should ever have to be embarrassed or ashamed or even feel unsafe about talking to their parents about taboo topics such as finances, dating, sex or drugs.

5 — Practice Self-Control

Let’s face it. As much as us parents boast to everyone about how having kids is the best feeling in the world and there is the best thing that could ever happen to you (which, it is), it can be a very challenging task that requires a lot of patience.

Not all parents have the luxury of having a maid or extra help with raising their kids.

I get it. You’re juggling a full time, doing your best to raise your child while balancing relationships with your spouse / partner. Life happens. You deal with irate clients and pissed off customers who complain about about their Uber eats food being late, You will have days that you feel that you’re going to lose your shit.

We will all have our days but it’s important we keep our cool and composure in front of our kids. By raising our voice, becoming hostile or angry you’re essentially giving them a hall-pass to react the same way in times of difficulty and dealing with life’s challenges.

Teach them to remain cool, level headed in any given situations. Bruce lee would approve.

Vince’s Random Fact — Not only could Bruce Lee kick your ass, he was also the Cha-Cha-Cha-Champ!

(1958 Hong Kong Champion)

6 — Be the best version of yourself

If you are like me, just an average working-class citizen, working a day job to provide for his family then going home to cook dinner for your child and spend some time helping them with their school work then spend your last ounce of energy playing hide and seek or jumping on the bed with them, it’s hard to find time for anything else.

But we must.

Not only to set a good example for our children, but mainly for yourself.

Your own well-being comes first. Your physical well-being. Your mental health and sanity.

So what are some steps we can take to make sure we ourselves are kick-ass parents so our kids can grow up kicking ass as well and crush it in life? Here are a few examples.

Take care of your body

Find the time to do something active everyday. Once you hit your late 30s it’s all downhill from here. Too many of us sit all day at a desk and that will be our undoing.

It’s a no brainer that taking care of your body will make you feel more confident, happier and a true bad ass.

Same goes with diet. I love fried chicken, pizza and chips they are my happy foods. However I need to make sure I try to eat healthy and clean 80% of the week.

Make time to move around more and be more physically active.

Take care of your mind

The brain is a muscle just like any other muscle in our bodies. It may not be as sexy as a nice pair of legs, arms, or the perfect ass, but it’s the most important.

It sends electrical signals to control all our physical movements. It processes all information that we see, hear, touch, smell and taste. It creates our perceptions and our reality so hence, the importance of maintaining the soft fleshy blob sitting inside our heads.

Take care of your mind by constantly sharpening your saw. Never stop learning and picking up new skills.

Conclusion

As parents we all want to see our children grow up and become successful in whatever they do in life and the best way to help them do that is by being the best version of ourselves and the best role models we can.

So my fellow parents or my soon to be parents… let us lead by example, by action and inspire them to be all they can be.

Got anything you would like add to this list or any comments? Drop a message below!

Stay blessed and Happy Holidays!

original blog:

6 things we can do to be the best role model for our child so they can kick ass in life. — (vincentchung.io)