Let’s Talk About Lube
By: Caitlin Jill Anders
Tags: Life Lessons, Sexuality, Self, Sex, Advice

Let’s Talk About Lube

There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Photo by Malvestida Magazine on Unsplash

When I was first embarking on my sexual journey, I didn’t really know much about lube. In theory, I knew what it did, but I wasn’t at all well versed in all the different things it could be used for. Over time, I somehow got it in my head that lube was something you only had to use when you weren’t wet enough, and therefore I started to see it as a bad thing.

In the heat of the moment, guys will often say, “Oh god, you’re so wet.” They don’t often say, “Oh god, you’re a little dry. Grab the lube.”

I used to feel self-conscious about using lube because I didn’t want to need it. I wanted to be naturally wet all the time, and I felt so much shame any time that I wasn’t. I thought it meant there was something wrong with me.

On the flip side, whenever I wasn’t as wet as I could have been, I think some of my partners may have taken it to mean that there was something wrong with them, as if maybe they weren’t turning me on enough.

Of course, none of this was ever true.

Especially now that WAP is such a popular anthem, I think there are a lot of misconceptions around lube and what it’s actually for. Lube shouldn’t be a source of shame. Lube is an incredible tool we’ve been given to help make sex more pleasurable. Whether you’ve got a WAP or a DAP or something in between, you can still use lube to make your sex life even better than it already is. The possibilities for lube are vast and varied, and we should all be more open to exploring them.

Here are some common reasons you might want to try using lube.

You’re using condoms.

Condoms aren’t always the most comfortable thing in the world. We all know that. They’re often necessary though, and honestly, there are way worse things (like STDs) so we make do. If you add lube though, using condoms can be a little less annoying.

Lube can definitely help with the chafing or general awkwardness that occasionally comes with condoms. It helps make everything fit and feel a little easier, and that’s pretty awesome.

You’re trying butt stuff.

If you’re into butt stuff, then you really need to be into lube, too. There shouldn’t really be a choice about that. Especially if you’ve never tried any sort of butt stuff before, please, lube it up. You’ll thank yourself later.

You want an extra sloppy handjob.

I think handjobs are sometimes an underappreciated art. When you’re first getting into hooking up and taking things slow, it can be so nice to just kiss and stroke each other as you get warmed up. You could use spit, sure, but lube often works even better and creates a super sensual experience.

Sometimes, in the middle of sex, one of my partners and I will take some time to kneel in front of each other and kiss and touch each other in whatever way feels right in the moment. We don’t always use lube, but sometimes we do, and it definitely adds another layer of fun.

You’re playing with toys.

Whether you’re alone or with a partner, toys are great. Toys are, also, foreign objects that are going in or around your body, so even if you have some natural wetness going on, lube is still a great thing to add to the mix.

Especially if you’re playing around with a brand new toy, it’s nice to use lube while you’re experimenting with it. I’m sure sex toy injuries have been known to happen. Play it safe and break out the lube.

You want everything to be extra wet.

Even if you’ve got a major case of WAP going on, sometimes, you want to add even more fuel to the fire. It’s a fun sensation when things are already wet and you decide to use lube to make things even slicker and wetter. If you’re not super familiar with lube, it can be a fun thing to play around with.

Why not see how wet you can make things? That sounds like a fun game to me.

You don’t get as wet as you used to.

Unfortunately, we all get a little bit older every single day. That’s just how life works. Getting older comes with bodily changes — and sometimes, that means transitioning from a perpetual WAP to a bit of a DAP.

If you find that you (or your partner) suddenly aren’t getting as instantly wet as you used to during a sexual encounter, that’s ok. Let me repeat that: it’s ok. I know it may not feel ok, but it is.

All bodies are different. Some people start to get less wet over time. Some people were never all that wet to begin with. Frankly, that’s why we have lube. Instead of fixating on things you can’t change, focus on the ways you can work around it. Lube is here for a reason. Use it.

You just need a little extra help that day.

There are some days where even if I’m super turned on, I’m just not quite as wet as I could be. I used to get super self-conscious and ashamed whenever that would happen, but I’ve learned that it’s really nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have our days. It doesn’t say anything bad about me or my partners — and the solution to the very tiny problem is really quite simple.

Lube really is the answer to a lot of problems when it comes to sex, and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. Instead of feeling discouraged that we can’t get things going, we can just add lube, and usually, we’re ready to go.

Lube is a great tool, and we should all be more comfortable using it.