An invitation to the queen’s garden party
By: The Spiritual Muse
Tags: Cognitive Dissonance, Abuse, Domestic Violence, Hypocrisy, Addiction

I was shocked to be invited to the queen’s garden party.

Why would the queen invite me?

I enquired into this strange matter, and apparently she invites random staff from the NHS. I felt a little paranoid, I was taking drugs making being paranoid, my normal.

Secondly, I encountered some dark history about the royals that disturbed me and wondered, if they were setting me up. Absurd I know, but that’s crack for you, it makes you wacko. I listened to the song ‘cocaine in my brain’ by cypress hill excessively during this time. It never put me off, if anything it made me want more drugs.

It was early 2000 and time was different for me back then. I dithered whether to attend, but was intrigued to how peculiar it would be, to experience being in the royal garden eating cucumber sandwiches.

I had nothing to wear and would stand out like a hyena in my trainers, the only shoes, I owned. I told Otis about the invitation, he laughed and said, ‘let’s go’.

We ‘ummed’ and ‘aahed’ in unison the days leading up the event and remained indecisive on the London train, yet it looked like we were going. I felt ashamed in my jeans, long navy shirt and blonde triangle of unruly curly. Otis looked strong in his Khaki army style coat, black boots and cream shirt; his style was smart military. We hid in the toilet on the train, snorted coke and fumbled with each other.

It was mid afternoon and we stood outside king’s cross tube station considering our next move, when a guy on a bike approaches Otis, and whisper’s in his ear. I follow them to a telephone box and wait outside while Otis squeezes inside, next to the guy.

Smoke fills the space around their physiques and a few minutes later the smokey door opens with Otis clicking his fingers in ecstasy with rotating eyes saying, ‘that’s fucking mind-blowing gear’.

We buy two yellow rocks and return to the telephone box to kill a rock. It was the best crack I’ve ever had; it was truly beautiful.

With one stone left and a decent bag of cocaine, we agreed to indulge in a little dutch courage, before hitting the party. After several bars and weak legs we went for a memorably delicious pizza. We left without paying, I apologise now for that. At the time we felt invincible and were totally off our rockers. We missed the stop for the queens party, we didn’t know what day it was, let alone know how to find the queen.

We disembarked at Heathrow airport and bickered heavily because I looked at someone, according to Otis. In the airport he humiliated me by thumping my head repeatedly while calling me stupid, no one helped me.

My experience has been that a small majority will be the first to stand up in a crowd and trust their gut to discover their warrior gumption. It’s a shame really, I think we all have this magic somewhere within us.

The celebs with the crowds of clappers, shout ‘I care about abuse’ while chastising those who dare challenge their blatant hypocrisy.

I’ve learnt it’s loose talk for the majority and suspect they are stuck in the swamplands of denial, to their deep seated fear of loss. I admire those who trust their fear will transform into loving courage, and feel for those chasing illusionary success.

However, this is where I learnt, I was truly alone. It was a bitter pill to swallow that paid dividends later.

The airport stood and watched as I ran outside.

I climbed a fence and hid under a bush until security guards found me and shouted, ‘you must leave the airport’. I didn’t argue and left.

Otis was at the train station when I arrived and we travelled to Kings cross in silence.

We caught the train back to Leicester and Otis beckoned me to the toilet with a nod and sniff. We snorted, fumbled and fought until we disembarked the train.

The rest of the night is a blur, as is, most this day.

I decided to share the highlights I can remember, as it’s funny story overall.

I wish I recorded it.

It’s just as well I didn’t make it to the queen’s garden party, I would have been arrested and thrown in the river.

Wells that's life, no one said it was meant too easy, we chase that illusion.

I heal hearts and wounded souls, drop me a line if you are struggling.

Hugs and Love

Alexia X

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