Tired as a Mother: 7 Fixes for Parental Burnout
By: Wendy Miller
Tags: Children, Self Care, Family, Burnout, Parenting

Let’s face it: parenting isn’t for the weak. Parenting is a lot more than just keeping tiny humans alive until they can fend for themselves. It’s shaping that tiny human into what we hope will one day be a kind, motivated, loving bigger human that makes the world a better place. And that’s a lot of work for a parent.

Parental burnout is real. Whether you are a single parent doing it all on your own, a partnered parent tag-teaming your kids, or the parent of a high-need child, it takes a lot of your time, energy, and emotions. After a while, you reach a point where there’s nothing left to give if you don’t get some kind of break.

Luckily, there are several things you can do to head off burnout before it happens. And if you’re already there, these same things can help revive you and get you back into the right space to be the best parent you can be.

Even better, the more of them you do, the more protected you’ll be against parental burnout.

Daily meditation

Parenting is a loud and busy gig. There’s not a lot of quiet time in your schedule. Your daily meditation practice can offer that much-needed quiet time.

As a parent, your best opportunities for uninterrupted meditation time will be first thing when you wake up (it might mean getting up a little earlier) and right before you go to bed. Which one to choose really depends on your schedule and your needs.

A simple way to decide which one is best is to answer this question: When do you feel the most pressure and stress? Is it early in the day as you try to get going and there’s so much to do ahead of you? Or is it toward the end of the day when you’re feeling exhausted and running on empty?

If it’s early, do a morning meditation to calm yourself before you face the day ahead. If it’s later in the day, do it before bed to soothe and relax yourself before trying to sleep.

Put it on your calendar and make it a habit.

Photo by Luis Quintero on Unsplash

Regular exercise

Running, walking, biking, hiking, swimming, yoga — whatever your exercise of choice is, make it a regular part of your life.

Consistent, regular exercise releases endorphins, improves mood, and reduces pain, among other benefits. It only takes a few minutes a day to start feeling the rewards.

Plus, exercise is often a whole family activity, which means you don’t even need to try to find time without the kids for it. Nor do you need to head to the gym, hire a sitter, or even plan ahead. You can just decide, when the kids start arguing or you feel your frustration mounting, that it’s time to grab the resistance bands or lift weights.

Another great benefit of regular exercise is that you don’t have to do the same thing every time, so you never get bored with it. You can change it up every week or even every day to keep it interesting and fresh.

Call someone

Sometimes parental burnout happens because the only other people you’re seeing are the little people you created — and as much as you might love them, that’s just not enough social interaction. But getting out for a few drinks or a dinner might be more than you can manage.

So call a friend or relative. It doesn’t matter if you call them to vent or just to chat. A conversation with an understanding loved one can always make you feel better.

You can make this phone call while you’re driving home (using a hands-free device, of course!), exercising, or cooking dinner.

Don’t wait until you’re on the verge of burnout for this one, either. Rotate through your friends and relatives and call someone different on a schedule — every other day or once a week, for example.

Find something just for you

As parents, there’s little that’s just for us. We cook meals for the whole family. We share our bathroom and sometimes our bed. We’re stuck watching Peppa Pig or listening to music that makes us question our children’s taste in everything.

Prevent parental burnout by finding something that’s just for you. Whether it’s a special pricey chocolate you hide in your dresser, a trashy TV show you watch after the kids are in bed, or a cozy blanket just big enough for you, find a treat that belongs to you and you alone. Don’t share it with the kids, your partner, or anyone else.

And when you indulge, really indulge. Savor the moment. Linger in it. Don’t worry about anything else.

You might even double up and find more than one thing. For example, eating a bowl of expensive ice cream while watching a sappy Hallmark movie curled up under a cozy blanket.

Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

(Re)Implement household nap/quiet time

We talk about how little ones need plenty of sleep and how to get them to settle for nap time, but let’s be honest here: sometimes nap time is more for the parent than the kids.

Even if your kids are too old for a true nap time, you can still implement a household quiet time each day. Set aside 15 minutes to an hour (or even two, depending on your needs and schedule) during which everyone in the house is expected to be quiet.

If napping isn’t something they want to do, kids can read, draw, write, color, put together puzzles, do word searches or crosswords, or any other quiet activity. You could even let them watch videos on a tablet or phone as long as they use earbuds or headphones so it doesn’t disturb anyone else.

Implementing a daily quiet time can give you the breather you need to have some peace, quiet, and space and avoid parental burnout.

Planned mental health days

Burnout comes from doing too much for too long without a break. So it makes sense that planning some breaks can help you avoid it, right? Try planning some regular mental health days.

Of course, life is full of responsibilities, like school and work, that we can’t constantly take time off from. But you can take a day every three months or so — even if it’s on a weekend.

What to do? It’s really pretty simple. If you’re taking a mental health day, skip working and school. No running errands or doing chores. Get some premade foods and drinks so you can just grab something to eat and enjoy without a lot of effort.

Spend the day doing things you enjoy. Read, watch TV, lounge in the pool, or sleep in.

If you do it with the kids, you can tell them there are no rules other than not hurting themselves or each other and not damaging the house (depending on their age, of course). You’re “off the clock” for the day.

Or you can plan your mental health day for a day when they’ll be at school or otherwise gone for the day or weekend so you can truly be off the clock.

Go on a “girlfriends” vacation

Family vacations are great, but sometimes what you really need is a getaway with friends. Time away from the kids can be like a hard reset that brings you all back together feeling renewed.

You don’t have to go away for a week or more, either. You can just take a weekend — regular or a little long. And you don’t have to go far.

Try being a tourist in your own city or finding a quaint little inn within a couple hours drive of your home. Look for fun activities that you couldn’t do on vacation with the kids.

Why with friends instead of alone? Well, you could go alone if you wanted. But friends often make these getaways a lot more fun, and if your friends are also parents, then they can understand your need for a break — and probably need one themselves.

Plus, depending on where you go and what you do, you might be able to split the expenses and save you all some money. Try renting an Airbnb big enough for everyone, pooling your money for groceries, and checking into group discounts on activities.

You don’t have to burnout

Once you become a parent, you can’t go back. But burnout doesn’t have to be an inevitable part of your parenting journey.

Take the time to do things for yourself, both big and small. Know your signs of stress and frustration and act to make things better before they get out of control.

Your kids will appreciate having a parent who is present, involved, and happy. But more importantly, you’ll be happier with yourself as a parent and look back one day with much fonder memories.