The future is non-binary
By: Jude Schroder
Tags: Non Binary, Gender Identity, Transgender, LGBTQ, Transmasculine

The future is non-binary

I am non-binary. My gender does not fit into the simple binary of man or woman. I defy categorization in a world that desperately wants to categorize me. I was raised in a society that told me to follow a gender script, a set of guidelines that influenced how I dressed, how I styled my hair, how I carried myself, and how I spoke. My interests, my relationships, my behavior, and my internal self, my inner dialogue, my identity were all influenced and shaped by this gender script. Others policed me until I started to police myself. The policing was subtle, implied, and hidden, but it was still violent and oppressive. I was forced to follow the script because others reinforced it and I didn’t think there was any other option. There was one pathway — womanhood — and one direction: forward.

I remember the first time I realized that there were other pathways, that I could choose a new direction. Until I got to college I thought that gender and sex always aligned. I thought that I had to use the pronouns assigned to me at birth, but the president of my residential council showed me otherwise. When we met for our first official meeting, she introduced herself with her pronouns, demonstrating the practice, then asked everyone else to do the same in their introductions. I had never seen anyone else do that before. I tried to emulate her, but I almost choked on the words “she/her/hers” as they tumbled clumsily from my lips. I struggled to focus on introducing myself as a wave of realization and anxiety washed over me. My cheeks flushed tomato red and I rushed through the required pleasantries, grateful when my turn was over. I slumped into my chair, and all I could think was “I don’t have to be ‘she’”.

Throughout my freshman and sophomore years of college I would learn all about the LGBTQ+ community and gradually come to accept my place in it. Growing up, I learned from the adults and other kids in my life that being gay or lesbian was a bad thing, that it should be kept hidden. I was deeply ashamed of my romantic attractions and my feelings of queerness by the time I started at Arizona State University, so it took a lot of work to undo that damage and relearn everything there was to know about gender and sexuality.

I slowly came out to everyone in my life as bisexual and started to experiment with my gender expression. After spending so much time learning and growing, it became harder to ignore the fact that I was questioning my gender identity, and I had to confront the realization that I am not cisgender. When I was a junior, a few months after I turned 21, I came out as non-binary and transgender. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but almost two years later, I can also say that it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. My new name, my new pronouns, my new body that I am continuing to shape as my home, all of these changes have made me so much more comfortable and happy. I am grateful for this new life, and I feel hopeful for the future, more hopeful than I’ve ever been.

Thank you for reading my story. If you’ve made it this far, I want to ask you to share your story as well. I want to hear from you.

And finally, protect trans kids. Black trans lives matter. Be kind and love one another.