The Big “O”
By: Jennifer Hammersmark
Tags: Mental Health, Orgasm, Sex, Social Issues, Rwanda

For years sex has been an area of interest for me (isn’t it for everyone?!). More specifically, orgasms. I get the point of actual sex, practically speaking, for procreation of course. However, a woman does not need to have an orgasm to get pregnant, so why is it there. Pleasure? Sure, that sounds good. But surely, there must be more . . .

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After years of research in my practice, on my own, and from others who have boldly entered this area of interest, there indeed are many reasons this lovely phenomenon exists. Do let me explain.

First of all, when a man has an orgasm — on his own, or with a partner — a flood of testosterone pulses through his bloodstream. This creates great feelings of wellness, power to conquer the world (kill the lion, get a job, bring home dinner) and bonds him to his partner if it happens in their presence. This bonding moment is important for good feelings toward the other, even if circumstances make things difficult.

When a woman has an orgasm — on her own or with a partner — a flood of oxytocin moves through her bloodstream. This is a very good thing. It also creates feelings of wellness and happiness, but did you know it also regulates hormones (great for PMS and menopause) and it helps increase bone density? Yes, amongst many other health benefits. I knew it! More than just pleasure, it is good for our bodies. Also like the men, if this happens for women in the presence of their partner, it is a bonding chemical that makes you feel glad you are together, and also covers a multitude of sins! Yep, who cares if the dishes got done or not. I really like you, and that doesn’t really matter. Today, anyway.

I have been preaching this in my practice for years, but what brings it to the forefront today is a film I saw at the DOXA Film Festival. Sacred Water is filmed in Rwanda and is focused on a female tradition in their culture called kunyaza, a practice that is centred on female ejaculation. They have a whole story that is the basis for the myth and its importance in their culture. It expresses a reverence for women and their bodies, as well as the connection to happiness and longevity in their relationships.

What I loved about this film is not only the confirmation of what I have been educating others on, but the openness in the culture to discuss the issue. In Sacred Water a Rwandan radio host talks about it on her program, takes calls from listeners on the subject, and travels to villages and schools to spread the word.

What I am disillusioned about in our own culture is the absence of this information. At best, sex education is about birth control and how to avoid STI’s. That is great, but what about pleasure? What about the health benefits? What about the benefits to couples? What about the fact that an orgasm and female ejaculation exists for women at all?? I would say that most young men and even some women don’t even know that this exists, or how to find it. Quite frankly, that is just very sad. Imagine growing up in a culture where there is not only a myth about its existence and its importance, but open conversation about how to do it? What a lovely idea.