Be Wary Of Freelance Writing Pimps
By: Michael Cohen
Tags: Freelancing, Writing, Freelance Writing, Freelancing Tips, Scams To Avoid

Be Wary Of Freelance Writing Pimps

If They’re Hocking You Like Jaffa Cakes At A Sports Stadium, Run For The Fucking Hills Michael Cohen Feb 2·5 min read

Hello. You a writer? Wait till you hear about this deal

It’s been more than half a year since I last penned an entry here.

As I posted back in May, I attempted — over the course of about two months — to automatically spam every company on Crunchbase.

At peak production, I had three domains churning out low quality template spam selling my writing services on an essentially 24 hour basis. All running entirely without my intervention.

It was by no means easy. I was bounced around between email service providers, the illicit prodigy of desperation and greed. Like a fugitive running between safe houses, I was forced to move email provider every few days as another technology company received wind of my illegitimate spamming and shut down my account.

I woke up every morning to a headache-inducing inbox full of spam complaints, bemused responses from inappropriate targets, and the odd hopeful lead. Although I can’t say that the complain yielded a satisfactory ROI, it did keep the lights running bright at Every Company In The World HQ. Which brings me to the present.

We Have A Hot New Account

Just when I thought I’d seen it all in the prodigious shitshow that passes for today’s freelance writing marketplace, I received, several days ago, an unsolicited email from a gentleman who chanced upon my writing website.

This gentleman demurred that my writing skills were a match for their new “client.” I didn’t ask too many questions. Questions, I have learned, are to be asked by those on a higher pay grade.

My gut reaction, however, was that this was another agency situation. Marketing agencies routinely reach out to freelance writers when they are trying to sell some prospect on their services, typically passing breadcrumbs onto the peasant writers while they jack up retainers large enough to pay for several months-worth of Ramen noodles and boxes of Kleenex issues (for the writers to weep into, that is).

Only Mr. Writing Pimp (of Pimp Corp) was not an Agency.

Mr. Writing Pimp in fact failed to disclose his motivation for making the connection at all other than to say that he wanted to “make a connection”. Which left yours truly scratching his bowl of Ramen wondering what this strange man’s philanthropic motivation might be (…but this writer has become wise to the ways of the world and knew that such a magnanimous gesture was most unlikely.)

I wasn’t left wondering long however. The phone soon rang again and at the other end was Pimp Corp’s “client” who worked for a company called Tech Corp. The conversation went something like this:

Client: I got your number from Pimp Corp. I understand that you’re a writer.

Me: That is correct.

Client: So you work for Pimp Corp, right?

Me: No, actually, they’re some random company that contacted me this morning.

Client: Oh. Yeah they seem like some random third party that showed up in Google. Could you send me a quote? Here’s my email.

That Wasn’t Supposed To Happen

After putting down the phone, I provided Tech Corp with a number. But no sooner had I done that than the line rang again. It was Pimp Corp on the other end.

The three days of emails and phone calls that follows is long and tiresome. So I will share with you only the details.

Pimp Corp, it turns out, indeed did not have magnanimous intentions. Instead they operating some kind of freelance writing pimping service, the variety of which I have not since encountered.

Pimp Corp’s representative acknowledged that he had royally messed up by not disclosing any details of his firm’s motivations by putting me and his marketing lead in touch. The motivation however was that billing would pass through Pimp Corp while they took a markup, without doing any of the activities one would typically associate with an agency.

I spent the next two days speaking to Pimp Corp and Tech Corp. Pimp Corp fought furiously to interject his middle man / freelance writer pimp firm into the deal, with the vigor one might expect of a businessman trying to insert himself into a multimillion dollar arms contract. However when pressed he admitted that the firm would do nothing other than bill their “client”.

Their business model consisted of “connecting” freelance writers and leads. And then forcing the freelance writers to bill through their proprietary invoicing system. As happened in this case, in a highly irregular arrangement, they allowed freelance writers and their clients to directly communicate. Effectively they would work together. Only that the freelance writers would be deprived the right of being able to bill the clients directly or claim them as their own. In other words, Pimp Corp was attempting to cream off the profits typical of an agency without actually doing any of the project management or any of the work.

I feel somewhat sorry for Pimp Corp. Their middleman disclosed that they were in perennial fear of freelancers “running away” with their “clients.” Which makes complete sense because freelancers, once they realized they were being swindled, would indeed feel tempted to stop accepting a bad deal.

The ending of this story is that Tech Corp saw through Pimp Corp’s machinations. After a flurry of phone calls and repeated efforts to “resend” the “client” the quote with their illicit (and unknown) markup — only to be rejected — Pimp Corp finally gave up the chase and accepted that a direct working relationship would have to eventuate.

Today’s lesson from the chaotic world of freelance writing:

Not everything that glistens and employs account managers is an agency.

Another breed of organization exists which profits solely be “connecting” marketing leads with other service providers, banning direct billing, but doing absolutely nothing else.

Freelance writing pimps are out there, looking for gullible freelance writers like you and I. My advice is to steer clear.