Time to Get Real
By: Erika Benadom
Tags: Support, Self Improvement, Mental Health, Anxiety, Worry

Check her out. Blonde. Green eyes. Badass lipstick that matches her nails. Oh, and a heart gesture with her hands. She’s got it all together.

Yeah. No.

Underneath, there’s a whole lot you’re not seeing.

That’s me. Yup. Erika. Erika with a “k.” She’s always smiling in her pictures. Her life is perfect.

So much of my life IS wonderful. But, it’s far from perfect!

Tonight, I type this message the day after the United States declared a national state of emergency due to Covid-19. My family went to a small gathering with friends without me. I couldn’t. Why? Because I have anxiety. And the last thing I want to do right now, is pretend I’m okay when my emotions are a mess of spaghetti noodles.

Have I always had anxiety? I don’t think so. Well, maybe a little. I’ve never been a fan of crowded spaces. In college, I had to work really hard to find my inner peace on the “T” in Boston when it would get super crowded. Then there was that time my husband and I went into the Gateway Arch in St. Louis when I felt that I was suffocating. Okay, and that moment at Disneyland where I couldn’t move my legs upon exiting the train and facing a mob of people near “It’s a Small World”.

It was always manageable though…

That was until I went through a bit of a professional pickle that unearthed a whole new level of anxiety.

Without going into the gory details, let’s just say — I will never again in my life ever be an elementary school principal. Never. Again.

I’ve worked really hard to find my way to a place of peace, but that’s come at a cost. I tirelessly work through not permitting the judgement of others to infiltrate my own psyche. What you think of me is not my concern. I am who I am. I feel deeply. I share without restraint. If you’re not interested in what I have to say, stay away. Don’t listen. Divert your attention elsewhere.

The past few weeks have been challenging for me. A person with anxiety.

You see, we’re not supposed to worry. If we do, we’re overreacting. We’re unstable. We’re over dramatic. Some might even call us. Crazy.

I disagree. Sometimes it just means…we’re paying attention.

You may not get it, but I feel differently than other people. I actually feel what you’re feeling. I notice the furrow in your brow. I hear the underlying current of stress in your voice. I pay attention to the way your hands move, your voice tone, and everything that your words aren’t speaking. I see your feelings. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do.

Two weeks ago, before anyone was even worried, I texted my husband to come home early so we could get some staples at Costco. He thought I was nuts. I wasn’t. I had been paying attention daily to the Covid-19 numbers coming out of South Korea, Italy, and Iran.

Now Italy has shutdown its entire country, Spain has instituted drastic measures, and even France is closing its restaurants, and more.

So here’s what I want you to know.

If you have someone in your life who is worried right now, don’t tell them not to worry. Don’t tell them they’re overreacting. Don’t dismiss how they’re feeling.

Instead, try to understand them. Ask them what they need to help them to get through this.

Be. There.