Holiday Healing
By: Dana N. Moore
Tags: Healing, Leadership Development, Holidays

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” – Kenji Miyazawa

Oh the Holidays, as stressful as they may be, this season presents a unique opportunity to not only reinforce healthy boundaries but put into practice the healing tools and coping skills you’ve learned along life’s journey. And YES, if you’re wondering, now is the time to employ ALL of those skills and tools — every single one of them: take a bath, phone a friend, call your therapist, workout, journal, write a letter, self-soothe, recite your affirmations, make clear and healthy boundaries then exercise them, don’t go it alone, plan your recovery and self-care for after exposure, take a walk, excuse yourself from toxic or heightened situations, resist self-medicating, paint a picture… etc. In her recent article Stay Grounded & Centered Throughout the Holidays, Ann Trip shares super grounded earth-centered tips to maintain a sense of balance.

“Every challenge presents an opportunity for healing”

Surviving & Thriving

Know this, no matter what trauma you’ve lived through, childhood angst or abuse, attacks, and devastating loss, You have survived. You’ve survived what many others have not. And now, you have the opportunity to heal.

“Challenges and the suffering that come with them are the portal for healing. In fact, they provide a pathway to become a better person.”

It’s easy to dwell on the past, what others have done, and how it has negatively impacted our lives to date. Allowing a victim mentality to take hold is the antithesis of healing. Healing is work, the work of personal reflection, restoration, and reconciliation — essentially making yourself healthy and whole again, despite the influence of others. When we are healing, we are learning about ourselves and catering to our needs. We can look back, acknowledge our pain and suffering, and be empowered to make healthy choices aligned with our personal goals. Remember that every challenge presents an opportunity for healing.

Learning Forward Through Challenges

We may survive challenges but truly overcoming them means processing and applying our learning from those events, and using the knowledge gained to positively propel us forward. Simply put, we learn not to make the same mistake again.

For instance, my significant other has an internal clock and personal limit on family gatherings — that limit is a strict 2 hours. Even though this man raves about how wonderful and loving his family is, that they all get along, and make the best foods on the planet, if we stay at a holiday party past his limit, the car ride home can be miserable and drain the joy of all passengers present. It takes hours for him to recover physically from the extended stay, and emotionally from not having his needs or requests met, and may even cause him to decline the next scheduled event.

I’ve learned that even when others show up late — we’re still leaving after 2 hours. 2 hours includes saying goodbye — so I encourage my kids to wrap-up and say their farewells 30 minutes before departure time, this creates space for multiple hugs, graciously accepting the to-go plates from grandma, greeting the super late relatives on the front lawn, and waves from the car.

My partner knows himself well enough to say, it stops being fun after 2 hours, and creates healthy boundaries by clearly stating my limit is 2 hours. Should those boundaries not be respected, he declines attendance at the next event. He’s learned these limits through his own challenges, and I’ve learned to honor them just as I would want my needs to be respected.

It’s important to remember that Holidays are shared experiences and we are not the only ones challenged by the excitement. Maintaining integrity with others equals wholeness for yourself.

Reaping the Rewards

This year we’ve been forced to celebrate many holidays in isolation, virtually and/or remotely. In March we may have been disappointed to miss out on celebrating St. Patricks Day with friends bar-hopping or attending parades. We felt a collective dis-ease about celebrating the 4th of July in backyards with friends but found the courage to identify who and what was most important during these times, being safe and selective about where and with whom we spend our time, acknowledging that life is too short and COVID-19, way too risky to spend time with people that don’t lift, affirm and serve our highest good. And so, as we approach the winter holidays, there is an overwhelming feeling or RELIEF in declining to attend an in-person celebration with relatives that inevitably trigger and challenge all of the personal healing work we’ve done. Revel in it!

There’s no “fight or flight’ response to contend with this year. Virtual family calls are far too roving to zero in on your love-life or the off comments of a relative. Technology makes it easy to show-up, share some love, and skip out — back to the activities you’d prefer to be doing, like crocheting on the couch or recapping your expert escape from the family call with a beloved friend. In short, we’ve been given a gift — an opportunity to experience the bliss of disconnecting, autonomy, and prioritizing our personal health and well-being over obligation. Cultivating your ability to recognize unexpected rewards, or the dark gifts, of challenging situations highlights the possibility of what can be when you are grounded in your own goodness. When you are committed to your own healing, you can recognize and appreciate the healthy, stable environment and circumstances you’ve created for yourself, outside of this temporary holiday state and intermingling with family — eliminating exposure to toxic environments and personalities and returning to your temple of solace.

The cycle has ended, what are you healing this holiday season?