Are You Shrinking into Places You’ve Outgrown?
By: Liz Porter
Tags: Self-awareness, Life Lessons, Happiness, Self Improvement, Life

Are You Shrinking into Places You’ve Outgrown?

You may not even know you’re doing it

Photo by Alexandru Zdrobău on Unsplash

My title is pretty basic, but did you feel that tug on your heart when you thought it might apply to you?

I felt it before I fully understood the question.

What exactly does that mean — shrinking into places you’ve outgrown?

When I first heard that statement, my heart skipped a beat. Something about those simple words resonated deeply and my cheeks flushed in anticipation of understanding why.

I spend a lot of time in my head, so when my body reacts physically to words, music or concepts, I snap to attention. That’s how I’m certain it’s meant for me, and that meaningful sentence quite literally stopped me in my tracks.

I’ve been living by this advice for years now, and although it rocked my world initially, it’s the best self-help tidbit I’ve ever received.

When I mentioned it casually in another article on Medium — I realized I wasn’t alone. This feedback from Sandra Gancz made my year!

Screenshot courtesy of the Author

That rush I felt, knowing I helped someone, thrilled me and then inspired this article. Thanks again, Sandra!

We live in a fast-paced world, yet we become stagnant in the midst of our routines and crazy schedules. Rarely do we take notice of the things sucking the joy from our lives.

We quit checking-in with ourselves. We set goals only to leave them on notepads neglected, or worse, forgotten.

We continue friendships and stay in romantic relationships that are slowly choking the life out of us.

And we remain in jobs that are unfulfilling and cause intense stress.

If you find yourself restless, bored, frustrated, angry, or uninspired, there's a reason. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful and can’t be satisfied.

It means you’re shrinking into places you’ve outgrown.

It’s that same feeling you had when you were ready to move out of your parent's home. You’re uneasy, tired of the rules, and you want to experience life on your own terms.

Yes, some of us are resistant to change, and we find comfort in our “sameness,” but there’s danger lurking in complacency.

A good analogy is a snake shedding its skin; as they mature and grow, they shed their outer lining. The frequency depends on their growth rate and need to heal injuries or slough off parasites. When the molting process is complete, they leave the old casing behind and move on.

It wouldn’t make sense for the snake to shed those layers year after year, only to crawl back in and try to make the best of that worn-out casing.

That would be shrinking into a place it’s outgrown.

So why do we do it?

Photo by Tachina Lee on Unsplash

We can love someone or something dearly, but as we experience personal growth, people and things should naturally play less of a role in our daily lives.

Just as our parents took a backseat when we moved out, and for the same reason, you traded your Big Wheel in for a Schwinn.

It’s a natural progression.

Yet, we struggle to hang on to the familiar.

We stay in bad marriages, and we tolerate horrible behavior

We hang on to friends we know are toxic or bring out the worst in us

We stay in jobs we hate, surviving day to day on autopilot

We travel to the same destinations every year because it’s easier

I’ve done all of the above; how about you?

Eventually, I stopped dancing because my partner detested it. I stopped voicing my opinion to avoid endless arguments, and I stayed friends with people that hurt me or didn’t have my best interest at heart because they needed something from me.

I saw challenges as problems instead of opportunities, and I missed many an adventure, fearing more failure.

As a natural people-pleaser, I’d been living without considering my authentic self. I was unsure of what I wanted out of life or where I was headed. I couldn’t see the future, and my joy had been stolen.

I’d lost touch, or maybe never knew who I was at my core, so I was easily swayed.

It doesn’t happen overnight, you just wake up one day, and you’re there. You feel stifled and misunderstood but also terrified to churn things up.

Photo by Kleiton Silva on Unsplash

That’s where I was in my life when that statement hit me over the head. I hadn’t seen it coming, but I was shrinking into places and hanging on to people I’d long since outgrown.

My brain was on autopilot, but my gut knew the truth.

My flushed cheeks, the catch in my throat, and that missed heartbeat were all signs that this was something I needed to work on.

Too many times throughout my life, I’ve crawled back into myself rather than spreading my wings. I tried to make a go of things that were no longer serving me because that’s what was expected.

Growing and coming into your own late in life can be uncomfortable.

Hell, it flat out hurts sometimes. But over the last five or six years, I’ve walked away from anything or anyone that didn’t merge with my greater good.

Now there's room in my life for the right people, exciting new adventures and a million opportunities I won’t hesitate to take.

Enlightened, I’ve stopped shrinking into places I’ve outgrown. It’s helped me discover my creative side, my true self, and happiness I’ve never experienced.

How about you?

Are you merely surviving or living your life on purpose?

If you enjoyed that, here’s another one you’ll love…

I’m Liz, the self-empowered, red wine & coffee lovin’, personal growth fanatic behind this article. I’ve stopped shrinking into places I’ve outgrown, and I’m a fan of straight talk and practical solutions. That’s why I’m here to Empower, Educate and Entertain.