When We Judge Others, We Dim Our Own Light
By: Beth Bruno
Tags: Life Lessons, Mindfulness, Humanity, Spirituality, Self

We live in an age where it is so easy to judge everyone because we are all living our lives on a global stage. If we have a social media presence, we are out there for all to see and comment on. And people are eager to give their opinions about our lives and our choices. It has become a favorite pastime. Snarky, rude comments on others’ posts seems to bring a sense of satisfaction to our egos.

While this may seem innocuous enough (since we can do this with a measure of anonymity) it is far from being harmless to ourselves and others. We all emit vibrational energy into the world, and when we are being cruel and unkind it lowers our vibration and dims our light. Even when our judgments feel justified, we may be way off base. Being judgmental also robs us of the opportunity to strengthen our empathy muscle.

Why are we so quick to judge? According to an article in Psychology Today, our brains are attempting to make sense of why people do the things they do. We make snap judgments about people because it moves us on to the next thing our brains need to work out. In other words, it is the quickest way to answer the question, “What the hell…?” when we see someone do something that makes no sense or evokes a visceral response of anger or aversion.

Judging Others’ Character

There are two types of judgement that we engage in. The easiest, and, usually the default way, is to judge a person’s character. When we see someone do something that we think is abhorrent, or stupid or ridiculous we are quick to chalk it up to them being abhorrent, or stupid or ridiculous. This is especially true when we don’t know someone and are only getting a snapshot of them through their actions in the moment.

So if we are standing in line at the grocery store and the checker is scowling and being rude to the shoppers in her line, we may quickly decide she is a nasty, unpleasant person. We are attributing her behavior to her personality instead of to her situation.

Or, if we read something online that rubs us the wrong way, we decide the person who wrote it is an idiot, or a narcissist, or in some other way a deplorable human being. We know nothing about them but the little snapshot we are given, and from that we judge their character to be lacking the qualities we deem acceptable. We are reacting to this picture of them and attributing their words to a deficiency in their personality.

If we were to make a concerted effort to check in with ourselves throughout the day and see how often our minds are in the judging mode, we might be shocked at how much mental space judgement takes up. And if we are honest, we would have to admit that all this negative judgement of others (and ourselves) is not adding to the quality of life that we wish for ourselves. We are steeped in negativity and it is hard to manifest a life of peace and joy and freedom when we are giving so much energy to the negative.

Attributing Actions to the Situation

There is a way to flip this habit on its head, though. If we are willing to give some effort to changing this paradigm, we might find that the world opens up for us and we begin to feel more compassion and empathy for others.

In order to make this change, we should focus on “situational attributions” when we are confronted with others who are behaving badly. This simply means that we are able to observe someone’s actions and think about what might be causing them to behave that way, instead of automatically chalking it up to them being a nasty person.

The same scenario in the checkout line could result in a totally different outcome in our brain, and in our energy, if we could just get curious about this woman. What may have happened today that has caused her to be so miserable? Could she have gotten bad news about a loved one? Could she have stayed up all night with a sick child? When we engage our brains in this way, we allow others to be imperfect without snapping to judgment that closes us off from them.

When this happened to me in the grocery store recently, I spoke to the woman with a smile on my face. I simply said, “I hope your day gets better.” She looked at me for the first time and with tears in her eyes explained that her mother was in a nursing home hours away and she was not doing well. She wanted nothing more than to go and be with her. I was able to hear her and show compassion, and that is all she wanted. She smiled back at me and said, “Thank you.”

How often do we let an opportunity like this pass because we are so busy conjuring judgments about the people around us? If we are honest, we are all just doing the best we can do every single day. Some days we fall flat on our faces. On those days, we hope someone will see us — not as a horrible person — but as someone who deserves compassion and love.

If we can begin to retrain our habitual way of passing judgment on others, we can open the door for meaningful connections that will enrich our lives,and the lives of others. At the very least, it will enable us to work at developing empathy and compassion for others as they, too, struggle to figure out this thing called life.

Go. Be Light in a Dark World.

Every day, we have an opportunity to be a light in the world, to raise the vibrational energy around us, and to be an agent of conciliation and healing. Let’s don’t waste those opportunities by making snap judgments about others that keep them, and us, stuck in the dark. The world needs our light. Go. Be Light.