Are You Getting Swept Off Your Feet Or Being Love Bombed?
By: Rebeca Ansar
Tags: Psychology, Relationships, Self, Love, Dating

If you’ve checked out Dirty John, a true-crime series available on Netflix, you might have found yourself with a disconcerting feeling that something wasn’t right about the villain, John Meehan, way before this sense seemed to dawn on the protagonist, Debra Newell.

Emotional distance often allows for a clearer perspective.

It’s terrifying that the series is based on events that happened in real life, and that they culminated in John Meehan attacking the protagonist’s daughter, who killed him in self-defense. She must now live with the trauma of what transpired.

One of the first cringeworthy moments is when John professes his love to Debra quite early on in their dating phase. Things escalate even more rapidly from that point, with John initiating untimely romantic gestures, which begin to reek of obvious manipulation, all ending in everything hitting the fan.

Even in less serious situations, a narcissist will not be able to engage in an equal relationship with another individual.

The thing about John’s antics is that they aren’t as anomalous as we might believe. Narcissists, for example, often utilize the approach of moving too fast and sweeping their target off of her or his feet. While it seems to be a fairy tale at first, this is called love bombing.

Love bombing, according to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, “is the practice of overwhelming someone with signs of adoration and attraction.” Essentially, narcissists prey on their target’s emotions, weaponizing love in order to gain psychological control.

People with insecurities about their desirability and/or those who have poor boundaries will be prime targets for the narcissist. These are easily identifiable entry points into the unsuspecting target’s life.

Here are a few ways narcissists love bomb their target:

They’ll seek to establish intimacy entirely too soon. In the whirlwind, the target may not have enough breathing room to reflect on her or his feelings. They’ll elevate the target to worship-worthy standards. If the target has low self-worth, this external validation will appear to be the salve to their wounds. It’s not.

There are many reasons to avoid engaging romantically with a narcissist, notably the story above. While cases similar to John Meehan’s may be rare, a relationship with a narcissist is generally not worth the risk. Even in less serious situations, a narcissist will not be able to engage in an equal relationship with another individual.

The narcissist will build their target up into a worship-worthy entity in order to replenish their own narcissistic supply, and this will eventually be followed by a discard. They will leave the target, often brutally, and the person left behind will continue to spin from the emotional whiplash of the relationship.

Romantic gestures, words of affirmation, and other loving acts are absolutely components of a healthy relationship. The key to making sure you’re not being love bombed is to develop healthy boundaries and a strong relationship with yourself. Doing so will help you avoid falling into the fast-paced emotional traps that a narcissist sets up.

Building a relationship and developing intimacy are processes that should take time. If things seem to be moving too fast for comfort or if you feel like you don’t have an equal say in the relationship’s progression, watch out, you might be the target of love bombing.