Let’s Usher in 2021 With a Twerk
By: Sherry Mcguinn
Tags: Humor, New Year Party, Dance, Writers On Medium, Music

Okay, I’m putting you on. I don’t really mean “dirty,” as that would be untoward and we all know I don’t go there, right?

With that said, I couldn’t help but think, when I was letting my fractured brain do its own thing the other day, how much fun it would be to throw a virtual dance fest with our Medium buddies.

Maybe it’s the quarantine and the fact that I love to dance but rarely do it, except for when my hubby vacates the premises, or maybe I’m just in a riled-up mood and need to let off some steam, but think about it. Imagine cutting loose with the likes of Helen Cassidy Page, James Knight, Suzanne V. Tanner, Rasheed Hooda, Sterling Page, Kristi Keller, Robin Klammer, Stephen Sovie, P.G. Barnett, Terry L. Cooper, Gayle Kurtzer-Meyers, Don Feazelle, Kim McKinney, Jezebel Feast, Estacious(Charles White), Dawn Bevier, Tina L. Smith, Greg Prince, or any number of Medium “influencers.” You all know who you are.

We might have to actually dress, you know, put on some decent clothes, or whatever still fits, anyway. But that’s a measly price to pay for getting down with our bad selves with some of the baddest asses on Medium.

Imagine the nostalgia of combing the knots out of our hair, shaving (you guys), slapping on a bit of blush, or a swipe of lipstick (we women). And no masks necessary!

Also, everyone would be invited, even the half-assed tipsters, who probably wouldn’t attend anyway. Too busy conjuring up more useless advice for how we losers can “make it” on Medium. Or dreaming up yet another workshop. Still, they’d be welcome. Or not.

Naturally, this would have to be a BYOB affair. Definitely wine for me as I prefer to remain upright when I dance, yet, I wouldn’t turn down the occasional shot with like-minded imbibers.

Snacks? Totally your call but keep in mind what happens when we drink on an empty stomach. I would hate for Helen to see me purging into my fake ficus.

As for music, I propose that we nominate one lucky person to be our DJ. Of course, your input is not only welcome but needed, here. Maybe we all submit ten of our favorite ass-shaking tunes to whoever is going to do the spinning and let him or her work it out. Unless we turn this into a rage and keep it going for days. But just know that whoever falls out first, gets “unfollowed.”

Kidding. I’m kidding, here.

I’m just feeling so, boxed-up. Aren’t you? Along with mentally constipated and physically…soft. Think of the calories we could burn off from countless bags of Cheetos and loaves of sourdough bread.

Having a “plus one” is up to you but for me, I can’t imagine having my mate watching CNN upstairs while I gyrate in front of my iMac for hours. We could just respectably ask our partners to “get the fuck out, for a while.” But again, that’s your call.

Now, here’s where it gets tough: The technical stuff. How many dancers would we be able to “fit in?” Do some of us take breaks? Drop-in and out? We need to figure out the logistics before we get down.

Also, what’s the vehicle? Do we Zoom? Skype? Or what? Would any of you want to take this essential element on? Perhaps Ev Williams could lend a hand to his loyal Medium minions.

“Ev, what do you think, buddy? Most of us aren’t making squat here so can you help throw us a party?”

I’m getting excited just thinking about a Medium dance party. I’m sure many of you have some pretty impressive moves. And I for one want to see them. Yes, I’m a bit of a perv, but it’s all good. I just want to get sweaty with my friends.

So what do you think? Can we do this?

By the way, twerk and/or floss at your own risk. If you throw your back or hip out, I can’t be held responsible.