An open letter to neurotypical brains and those trivialising mental health conditions/disorders
By: Mia Layla Rushton-Zambakides
Tags: Toxic Positivity, Mental Health Awareness, Seasonal Depression, Adhd, Mental Health

Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

I’ve seen a lot of content online today discussing mental health and specific disorders. There seems to be a wave of toxic positivity rising as well as the trivialisation of legitimate mental health conditions/disorders as people are using some of these symptoms to jump on a ‘trend’ and I want to clear a few things up.

I want to clarify that I am diagnosed with combined ADHD, depression and anxiety. I am fighting heavily with seasonal depression right now and having to work from home the past 10 months is having a severe impact on the attention deficit of my ADHD. I have been paralysed in my brain for 2 days now, unable to get almost any work done which is only increasing my anxiety around being unproductive and not helping me stave off a depressive episode. I am not sleeping properly at all and have given myself stress headaches as a result. It’s not cute or quirky, it’s awful. Seeing overly positive content or people trivialising daily struggles they don’t truly understand is not helping.

I would really appreciate it if neurotypical people could understand that just because you have experienced the intense symptoms of certain mental health conditions sometimes (ie. depression, anxiety etc.) it doesn’t give you the right to diminish the reality of having mental heath conditions and living with them day to day.

I am not here to invalidate legitimate experiences people have with adverse emotions, I’m just trying to highlight that there is a difference. We all experience depression, but that is very different from being clinically depressed. We all have days where we struggle with focus, discipline and impulsivity, that is very different from having ADHD. We can all feel socially awkward or socially anxious at times, that is very different from being Autistic. Unfortunately these disorders are often quite poorly named ie. depression. Clinical depression is an intense, incapacitating depression and depression is something we can all feel, but typically not to that extent on a regular basis. This leads to misunderstanding. A neurotypical experience of situational/circumstantial depression is very different from the experience of clinical depression.

Disorders are named after their primary symptom because that is what is causing such an adverse impact on your life. It makes it so incredibly difficult — and sometimes almost impossible — to “function normally” because of it. That’s the difference. Just because you are able to “push through” that “feeling” or “experience” with a neurotypical brain, does not mean those with a legitimate disorder can. That means you do not experience it the same. It’s paralysing and incapacitating, the brain does not process things the same therefore it’s not something that can just be “overcome” with perseverance. It’s chronic in most cases and not something that can be cured, it can only be managed.

What may be an “abnormal” response or reaction for a neurotypical brain can actually be a very “normal” response for non neurotypical brain. It’s a normal reaction, not an “overreaction”. It’s an actual issue with the brain chemistry and make up, not the persons outlook. It’s a hardware problem, not a software problem.

Trivialising these symptoms and conditions prevents others being taken as seriously and invalidates their experience and struggles. Experiencing one symptom of a disorder some of the time is not the same as being inordinately incapacitated by it day to day. Please, do your research or speak to a mental health care professional if you identify with the symptoms of a disorder, don’t just run with it as your personal brand to identify with a trend.

Also on the flip side, as much as words of encouragement are often intended with kindness and support, your personal ability to “push through” these things does not mean it’s the same for others, and therefore they are not “lazy” or “weak” from being unable to do the same.

The above diminishes the valid experiences people have with their conditions and makes us second guess ourselves so we start to feel like maybe we are overreacting or not trying hard enough, and therefore feel shame or guilt for not being able to deal with things when we are physically unable to. We’re very, very aware of our downfalls, pointing them out and increasing the shame we feel does not help.

We are not all a “little bit autistic/OCD/depressed” etc. they’re disorders because they’re disorders, not the “normal” feelings or experiences neurotypical people have. Your life is either severely impacted by these things day to day or it’s not. Please be conscious of that.

If you want to understand and be supportive, talk to your friends openly. Research and understand what they’re dealing with and help work with them to adjust their environments to support them and help them thrive. Please don’t try and tell them how to deal with/tell them about a disorder that you have no experience with or little understanding of. Education and compassion is the way forward. Dismissal or trivialisation is not. Thank you.