02 — my song on the radio. today was super eventful and super…
By: Kat Diercks
Tags: Seniors, Boys, Radio, High School, Teens

today was super eventful and super boring at the same time somehow. i woke up and the first thing i did was tune into the radio. i was on the radio this morning… WHAT?! somehow my choir teacher got the chance get a project that a group of 5 of us threw together in a week onto Alice 97.3 (shoutout to bay area, ca folks), which is absolutely insane. it was so strange to hear voices that i knew so well from that radio station saying my name… MY name! my voice! it was so surreal, and i have absolutely no idea who heard me sing this morning. such a cool thing to wake up to. today was also the last day of the semester, which means i am now officially on winter break!! YAY!! i can’t believe christmas is only one week away- i’m feeling super unprepared and there are a thousand things i still want to do before christmas, but i really need to stop stressing about it and enjoy the current moment. i woke up early today to hear myself on the radio, which means i was really tired throughout the day. and unfortunately, the coffee i drank in the morning (and tea in the afternoon) only caused me to be shakey and develop a horrible headache. i work at a local accounting firm every afternoon of the school week, but today was extra fun because we were wrapping gifts for a charity that we donate to each year. my evening has consisted of editing a video for my school’s student newsletter, chatting with my parents, and of course, watching a little too much tiktok. i would call it a pretty great day, but i’m definitely ready to get some sleep and see what tomorrow has in store.

throughout the day, one thought simply wouldn’t leave my mind — a thought about a boy. i mentioned in my first entry yesterday that, because no one i know knows about this account, i can share a few things that i wouldn’t normally parade around to all my friends. however, i need to be cautious in case anyone i know does find this eventually. there are two boys that typically inhabit my mind. the first is someone i’m good friends with, and i would never want to risk our friendship, so i’ve never said anything about seeing him as anything other than a friend (besides maybe a brother). when i first started getting to know him, i felt drawn to him but didn’t think there was any chance of him liking me back so i did nothing. now, i feel it’s far too late. there’s more to the story, but that’s the basic gist of it. he and i aren’t necessarily “perfect” for each other and i’m not sure if i could ever realistically see us getting married or being together long-term, but something in me is drawn to him like a magnet and i’ve always cared about him more than i would the average guy friend. maybe someday something will happen with us, but for now, i’m content and i don’t feel the need to “hold out” for him. the second is one that i’ve known for over a decade now, but i haven’t spoken to him in several years. we were close when we were younger, but he moved away and we didn’t really keep in touch. even though it seems sort of crazy since it was so long ago, to this day i have never had stronger feelings for someone or found someone more attractive. and maybe it’s just my mind longing for a simpler time, but part of me hopes for that hallmark movie ending where we reunite sometime later in life and fall in love once again. but most of my thoughts today were not consumed by a specific boy; it was just overall loneliness. in the winter months especially, sometimes a girl just wants a guy to love and to cuddle with. don’t get me wrong — i do like being single and i like my life a lot right now, but since we’ve been in quarantine for so long (and i was working through healing from a messy breakup before quarantine started), i haven’t even talked to a boy that i viewed as having “potential” in forever and i just crave the excitement of liking a boy. i simply want to talk to a guy with that feeling of not knowing where it may lead us. i think a lot of people my age are feeling this way right now; it’s our senior year which is supposed to be full of adventures and risk taking, but instead, the stakes are high and we instead make the mature decision to put aside the exciting parts of senior year in order to keep those around us safe and healthy.

those are my thoughts on this fine friday night. tune in for more tomorrow :)