Why the Best Mentors Actually Choose You
By: Georgiana Cavendish
Tags: Career Advice, Mentorship, Leadership, Self Improvement, Advice

Why the Best Mentors Actually Choose You

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The Leadership Insiders network is an online community where the most thoughtful and influential people in business contribute answers to timely questions about careers and leadership. Today’s answer to the question, “How can you convince someone to be your mentor?” is written by Georgiana Cavendish, policy advisor in the U.S. Department of State’s Bureau of Counterterrorism.

Since leaders are often saturated with mentorship requests, hopeful mentees should do what they can to make themselves more compelling to prospective mentors. This became clear to me a few years ago when I attended a talk by a senior U.S. government official. I still remember what she said: “You cannot choose a mentor; a mentor chooses you.”

Looking back at my own experiences, I found this to be true. I had reached out to senior professionals since the beginning of my career and was enriched by their wisdom and professional savvy, but their advice was mostly context-specific and not sustained. When a couple of senior professionals later chose me as their mentee, they had a much more profound impact on my professional approach and trajectory.

Is it then correct to assume that junior or mid-career professionals have no power or control vis-à-vis mentorship? Quite the contrary. I would offer the following three suggestions to enhance the prospects of being selected by a mentor:

Share your weaknesses

Be frank about your concerns and areas for improvement. A mentor needs to care about you as an individual, not just as a professional, and know the issues you face. The more you share about yourself and the areas in which you would like assistance, the greater the chance an individual will be able to help or mentor you.

Some years ago, I was having lunch with a senior professional I had met through work and told her my position at the time offered few growth opportunities. We agreed it would be best to seek out an office with managers more focused on skill and leadership development. She came back to me a couple of months later with a position on her team and an offer to provide mentorship. Had I not been open about my concerns, she would not have known I was interested in such an opportunity.

Make yourself noticeable

Surround yourself with talented people — and learn from them. The skills you refine in the process will make you a more well-rounded employee, which will help you stand out to possible mentors. If you can’t find these opportunities at work, try joining groups of like-minded, successful professionals and attending talks by skilled individuals. These meetings will expand your network of those who can recognize your talents, and perhaps more importantly, your willingness to learn and adapt.

A few years ago, one of my current mentors decided to invest in me after I welcomed his feedback to begin my presentations with a short outline at the top before delving into details. After watching him brief a multinational delegation, and taking his advice into account, I refined a briefing that I subsequently provided to an international group. Pleased with my evolution, he decided to mentor me more formally, feeling his input was valued and effective.

Find informal mentors

Many senior leaders are happy to impart their advice on a short-term, informal, or context-specific basis. In addition to helping you navigate your career, soliciting their help will allow you to gain experience being a good mentee, which can help make you more appealing to prospective mentors. Additionally, they may recommend you to their colleagues or friends, which can lead to mentorships.

Some years back, I worked with a situational mentor as I approached my next career step. She imparted valuable insights, though she felt our different subject matter expertise would not have made her the best coach for me going forward. She instead recommended me to one of her colleagues whose background closely matched mine, and who then became one of my key mentors.

Mentorship is only as powerful as the people who pay it forward. If you have benefited from having a mentor, be sure to pass on the lessons and skills you’ve learned to more junior colleagues. This will foster a more collaborative and successful workplace, while honing your leadership and management skills and continuing the cycle of mentorship.

This article reflects the personal views of the author and not necessarily the views of the U.S. Government or the Department of State.

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