4 Don’ts to Get You Moving Abroad Tomorrow
By: Dave Smurthwaite
Tags: Travel, Expat Life, Parenting, Life, Expat

The drawn out screech of heavy screen door opening…

The muffled grind of a house key turning in its lock…

The tick…tick…tick of small luggage wheels skipping over the sidewalk…

One last deafening clang as the screen door slams us adieu.

It’s 6:00 AM, Tuesday July 28, 2015 when the six of us tick…tick…tick… away from our emptied home and into two large minivans. In hand are four musical instruments, four checked-size bags, six backpacks, and one travel kennel housing a Newfoundland/ Basset Hound mix (picture Falcor from The Neverending Story with shaggy black hair).

That’s all we claim as essential for this new adventure.

With a deafening swarm of emotions buzzing in my head, we back out of the deserted driveway. As four little boys anxiously look back to the only home they’ve ever known disappearing around the corner, we push off into the unknown.

“The journey not the arrival matters.” — T.S. Eliot

How does one take a family of seven, strip down their lives to what they can push around on 3 Salt Lake City Airport Terminal Smarte Cartes, and move 8,000+ kilometers around the globe?

It might sound impossible to you (or just really, really hard), but here are the four key lessons (plus a bonus) that we learned in making the leap.

First: DON’T ignore the itch

My wife and I were still newlyweds when we knew we wanted this adventure for our family. Pre-kids, pre-puppy, pre-home mortgage, we knew where travel took us intellectually and emotionally. Our desire was to make sure that travel (in the form of authentic cultural exchange) became the most vibrant threads in the tapestry of our family’s life story.

If you’ve gotten this far in the article it means you’ve got a similar itch for life experience that crosses borders and connects you with a world of possibility.

Perhaps you’re looking to wade into a short-term stint abroad (60–90 days); perhaps you’re looking for a long-term adventure. Whatever the itch, the best piece of advice I can offer is don’t ignore it!

Once you stop dancing around the idea and instead take it by the hand, I promise it will take the lead. Where it leads you will undoubtedly be into the uncommon, the unfamiliar and that’s precisely where you’ll find a better version of yourself, your couple, or your family.

As Thoreau once famously penned (after following an itch of his own):

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

Don’t let the itch pass you by for another wanderer on the platform; it’s you reminding you there’s a better way of life just waiting to be discovered.

Tip 2: DON’T hesitate to ditch everything that doesn’t matter in order to get there

(HINT: this is 98% of everything you own)

Think it sounds hard to sell the stuff you own in order to fund your next adventure? Believe me, it’s not. People sell their homes, their cars, or get out of leases everyday for a lot less important reasons.

As soon as we decided on trading Salt Lake City for the French countryside, Craigslist became our best friend. We listed bikes, appliances, toys, and any other random belonging that was either valuable or intriguing enough to catch one’s eye.

For everything else, we held a massive garage sale. By then end of the day, between friends, family, and complete strangers we had sold or donated 90% of our stuff. We’ve never felt so liberated from life, so light on our feet, so ready to soar.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. …Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

NOTE: Looking back, we still held on to at least 5% too much. Don’t make the same mistake: dump and jump! You won’t regret simplifying no matter how long you plan on being abroad.

Tip 3: DON’T look back (or sideways, or any other direction but forward)

Okay, seeing as you’ve gotten this far, humor me with a quick exercise:

Imagine where you’d like to be six months or a year from now. Now close your eyes for 30 seconds and try to picture the sights, hear the sounds, even smell the aroma of your dream destination.

Seriously, close your eyes and do it, now for at least 30 seconds.

Now honestly ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do to take a single step closer to that destination?

Resolve to do it today: Google the average cost of living, check out monthly rentals on Airbnb, read up on visa requirements. It won’t cost you a thing but could become a defining bookmark in the start an exciting next chapter.

At some point early on in your journey, you’ll discover that picking up and seeking the unknown is only limited by you. Once we decided as a family to make the move abroad, doors started appearing. It sounds cliché but it’s true, trust me. The trick is, you have to be willing to make the effort of reaching out, turning the handle, and passing through each threshold as they appear.

“A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” — Lao Tzu

Don’t be fooled, however. Walking through unmarked thresholds takes time and, more importantly, energy. Looking forward & moving forward will accelerate your journey exponentially. Looking back, sideways, or any other direction will only delay your departure by months or, worse, a lifetime.

Tip 4: DON’T worry about what you’re leaving behind

For us, by far the hardest part of leaving America was family. We have an amazing extended family that has consistently been part of what matters most in our life. When we’re having hard times abroad, it’s family that we look back to longingly, wishing they were close by to make us feel comfortable and cozy.

Leaving friends, family, an office, or simply a comfortable routine behind can be tough, I’ll admit it was for me. However, looking back now I know I would never trade the space that has been created in the life of our family through simplification.

You would think living abroad would be complicated (and it is), but it’s also hugely liberating. What you will learn is that walking away from your inherited day-to-day gives you the freedom to define a new way of life. It’s a transformative process, guaranteed.

Our hope is that in walking away from what was cozy and comfortable, from the easy-to-fall-back on when things get rough, that we’re developing new habits and strengths that will make us better people no matter where we go in the future.

**BONUS** Tip 4.5: If you build it, they will come

Speaking of leaving loved ones behind, here’s the real joy we discovered in our adventure: you’re never that far away. Over the course of our two and a half years in France we’ve had rich opportunities to share our new life with loved ones that we never would have had otherwise.

For example, living abroad has brought us long-term roommates in the form of grandfathers and great-grandfathers. It’s allowed us to eat Italian gelato with our siblings and race down countless cobblestone roads with cousins. It has reunited us with old friends and deepened the already well-established friendships.

In our isolation, we’re reminded time and time again that it’s the quality of life’s moments shared, not the quantity that truly deepens our relationships in life.

Like adding new spices to life, our experience abroad has infused every relationship we treasure with more flavor. All this has happened because we decided one day to invest in the unknown. What we’ve found is that as soon as we started building, the people we care most about came. They came and added to our experience because they love us and they want to taste a piece of what we’re experiencing as a family.