Women Aren’t Crazy
By: Shannon Ashley
Tags: Culture, Women, Feminism, Health, Life

For whatever reason, “crazy ex-boyfriend” doesn’t carry the same ring as its female counterpart. Maybe that’s because we hear “crazy ex-girlfriend” all the damn time. Some people insist that’s because women are genuinely bonkers.

More bonkers than men, because our cultural narrative says that crazy men are the exception. Crazy women? Supposedly, we’re the rule.

So women are routinely written off as being crazy throughout their lives. Oh, don't mind her--she's just overreacting.

As little girls, we’re called crazy bossy and warned that’s a bad thing, even though men get to be bossy with few complaints. As teenagers, we girls are warned against being boy crazy, while boys are applauded for being little heartbreakers. Once we begin menstruating, we hear that periods and PMS also make us crazy. In motherhood? Don't be that crazy helicopter mom. And single ladies? We're in danger of being baby crazy, man crazy, or cat crazy.

As much as people complain about the mere mention of toxic masculinity, feminists recognize that we’re not complaining about all masculinity. Only the toxic kind. But when it comes to calling women crazy, it’s not even about calling out bad female behavior. Instead, women are called crazy in an effort to keep us in line. To shut us up.

After all, bitches be crazy. Right?

In dating

Women are under enormous pressure in dating to not appear crazy. Self-help books and articles are littered with advice for women explaining that many of their natural inclinations are wrong. In a world that incessantly cheers, "Be yourself," women have long been on notice that in the dating game it's all a rouse.

Dating rules might change here and there, but through the centuries, women have been advised to behave less emotional to avoid scaring men away. Don't cry, don't talk too much, and never seem over eager. If you don't watch yourself, you'll surely behave too crazy.

Even when the "don't act cray cray" advice ventures into reasonable tips for anybody wanting to avoid an unhealthy relationship, women are the ones singled out as if our gender is particularly prone to go off the deep end.

Of course, it isn't just women who go off the deep end in dating--as every woman knows far too well. Men are just as able to exhibit needy or unhealthy behaviors. Domestic abuse statistics show that men are more than capable of "acting crazy" and getting away with it.

On a less violent scale, the internet has made the proof of men's crazy all too easy to find. Dick pics, revenge porn, and text tirades are practically all par for the course and expected from men today--yet we don't collectively call men crazy in dating. Just women.

Among the biggest red flags I've encountered in dating, are the men who claim that all of their ex-girlfriends are crazy. First of all, if that's true, it doesn't say anything positive about the man's judgment. In my experience, the men who complain about crazy exes take little responsibility for themselves, and often gloss over their own bad behavior which preceded a woman's alleged emotional collapse.

Believe it or not, women do get sick of your shit, and when it comes to any relationship, they are best handled with care. Any man or woman who treats others like dirt in dating really shouldn't be surprised to receive an emotional reaction. But yes, we know--it's often easier to call someone else crazy rather than handling your own damn issues or working through your own shitty behavior.

A man with a string of "crazy ex-girlfriends" may seem cliche in a culture that calls women crazy, but I’d say avoid them at all costs.

In parenting

I think we're all a little bit guilty of promoting the notion that mothers are crazy. People with perfectly kind and wonderful mothers often joke about having "crazy moms" who care too much. We roll our eyes at mothers who worry. As if all moms are unable to maintain healthy boundaries.

New moms are frequently told to calm down. Just relax. *Eye roll.*

When my daughter was a month old, I was convinced that she had tongue tie. But her pediatrician assured me I was just a worried new mom. "She’s fine," he said. "Quit worrying about everything--new moms drive themselves crazy."

My daughter's father and pediatrician exchanged knowing looks whenever I discussed a concern. Here she goes again. Her dad also asked the pediatrician if it really mattered that our daughter was breastfed. He wanted some go-ahead to go against my wishes and take our daughter home to his new girlfriend for overnights. Nobody cared that it was already my choice as the mother and legal guardian. Once again, I was written off as an overprotective new mom.

"Breastfed babies still have ear infections and other illnesses," I was told. I replied, "That's fine, but I'm still choosing to breastfeed." I caught plenty of more eye rolls.

Colic, GERD, painful breastfeeding, food regression, along with speech and occupational therapy--every issue that came up and every decision I made was met with the same "crazy mom" eye rolls. And for a while, I even believed it myself.

My daughter wound up needing an expensive frenectomy for her tongue tie at two years old. All because I believed for so long that I was a crazy new mom.

And it’s not over. I still run into family, friends, strangers, and professionals who try to convince me that any particular choice I've made for my daughter is silly or stupid. Don't pay attention to her--she's just a crazy single mom.

In healthcare

It isn't just pediatricians telling women to calm down. Healthcare offers an entire history of labeling women as crazy. If a woman has her uterus surgically removed, it’s called a hysterectomy. But the words "uterus" and "hysterectomy" come from the Greek word hystera which means womb.

That, of course, leads us back to hysteria, which the experts used to believe was a female mental disorder stemming from our anatomy. To be hysterical was to be sick in the uterus, and physicians recommended marriage as the best cure for a hysterical woman. Nothing a steady dose of penis can’t fix. Of course.

Eventually, 19th-century doctors began giving women orgasms (which they called paroxysms) through "genital massage" as the treatment for female hysterics. Their hands cramped up so much that one doctor invented the mechanical vibrator as a result. That’s right — vibrators were invented to help save men some trouble.

It doesn't even end there in the land of history. Even today, women battle the label "crazy" and fight to be heard by their doctors. As everybody knows, "overemotional" is just one more way we call women crazy to set their concerns aside. We might talk about equal rights being so certain, but physicians notoriously take women's pain less seriously.

In the workplace

Thank God I have no boss these days because I am entirely done with male managers who can’t take female employees as seriously as males. It’s 2019, and many of you don’t think this happens anymore. Yet I just got out of a company that told me to quit being so emotional when I offered reasonable feedback. Smile more! Catch those flies with honey!

Male managers--no, not all but far too many--love to tell a female employee that she’s unprofessional every time she tells them something they don’t want to hear. We’re not supposed to disagree, discuss our pay and worth, or bring up uncomfortable issues. If we do, we get eye rolls. We get passed up for promotions and labeled as crazy or any number of hysterical synonyms.

Women aren't crazy

In every arena of life, when you call women crazy, what you're really saying is that women aren't to be heard or trusted. That we don't know what we're talking about.

Except that women aren't crazy. Men aren't crazy. "Crazy" is a useless way to shut somebody down, and it's time we quit letting the notion slide that poor men throughout history have been saddled with the arduous task of getting women to calm down, chill out, and overcome their "irrational" ways.

Crazy is not a female affliction, so let’s quit telling women they’re nuts.