Exit Dating Limbo With These Words: “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
By: Sharifah Chammas
Tags: Toxic Relationships, Breakups, Dating Advice, Dating Tips, Love

The Truth Will Set You Free

At times when it comes to men and dating, I feel like Jack Nicholson’s character in “A Few Good Men”: Can you handle the truth? Or in this case, can we handle the harsh truth of dating realistically?

I recently read an excellent article by writer Megan Boley on Medium delivering the harsh truth about dating today. The article titled “If He Wanted to, He Would” Is Still Good Advice and its content — rings true in the present, past and future.

But humans like to be hopeful, and it is healthier to be optimistic, so we continue to hope for what we want to be true and see what we want to see instead of the reality in front of our eyes when a guy is simply not that interested in us. (We are not alone in this mistake.)

Our Friends Mean Well But . . .

Hence, we turn to our friends to analyze the guy’s actions and concoct reasons and excuses as to why he did not return a call, text or is behaving distantly. Or these days, he maybe ghosting you for which there is really no excuse except cowardice and lack of manners. Yet the answer is simple: He’s Just Not That Into You.

Unfortunately, this problem of murky dating is compounded by our well-intentioned friends and relatives who try to make us feel better. They tell us we are beautiful, a real “catch,” smart, etc etc. “it will happen when the time is right” and so on and so on. (This occurred last night with my mother as I proclaimed I am about to give up finding romantic love after __ single years post-divorce (too embarassed to post the actual number) — it has been too long; how long can one remain hopeful?)

Time to Face The Truth But Can We Handle It?

To help others out there and reinforce the gospel truth of Megan Boley ’s article, instead of turning to our friends, I recommend reading and re-reading (until it is embedded into your system) this bible for clarity on dating men: “He’s Just Not That into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” written New York Times best-selling author Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (also writers and consultants for my all time favorite show Sex & the City.)

Some Harsh Truths:

“The book polled a group of men and 100% said they’ve never been too busy to call a woman they were really into. When a guy is into you, he lets you know, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it is time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige.” — from “He’s Just Not that Into You.”

Hence, if the guy is not pursuing you in this manner, move on yesterday and “don’t waste the pretty” advise Behrendt and Tuccillo. In my experience, if a man truly wants you, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.”

Words to Heed.

So don’t waste your youth, time, energy or beauty on someone not invested in being with you. “Your lost of self-esteem may take longer to find than a new man so prioritize accordingly,” writes the authors. (This statement is incredibly true; I learned the hard way so hopefully you read this and do not have to endure my mistakes.)

Here are a few other nuggets of wisdom culled from this evergreen book every woman out in the dating field should own:

He is just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone. If he is not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. “Hey let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/any bar/friend’s house” is not a date. Even if you live in New York. He’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else. He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. Make space in your life the glorious things you deserve.

But We Still Gotta Have Faith

Surprisingly, the book does end on light notes, which I hope are true notes. For example, one chapter states “There’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.” Well, ok, where is he? Do tell where I may find this great guy waiting to marry me. I hope the writers are oracles in this case.

The writers also insist we have to “Have faith. What other choice is there?”

P.S. Check out Megan Boley’s story which inspired and reminded me of this great book and message here: https://psiloveyou.xyz/if-he-wanted-to-he-would-is-still-good-advice-952afa42de77