Christmas Cheer
By: Walter G. Meyer
Tags: Memoir, Books, Traffic School, Joy, Christmas

Christmas Cheer

When I taught the two-part evening traffic school class, which was 3.5 hours each evening, I encouraged my classes to bring food and have a potluck the second night of class. Most people were coming directly from work, so wouldn’t have time to eat. This way if they grabbed something along the way or brought food from home, they could eat in class. In some classes, people would chip in for pizza or whatever. At Christmas time, I would encourage parties and people often responded with amazing holiday treats.

One particularly memorable holiday party comes to mind. The second night of class in San Diego, a week or so before Christmas, people outdid themselves. Many dressed for the occasion in Christmas sweaters and Santa hats and reindeer antlers and brought cookies, pies, cakes, candy, and more.

One woman in particular seemed to be having a wonderful time. Laughing, joking, and being overly festive. I had noticed her the night before as she slowly transformed from being dour to laughing, almost a bit too much, at all of my jokes. A woman sitting next to the laughing woman finally said to her in a not-unkind way, “I know the class is fun, and — no offense to Walt — but not that funny. What is with you? You haven’t stopped laughing since we got here.”

The woman said, “I know I’m getting carried away. But I haven’t laughed in 14 years.”

We all stopped what we were doing and looked at her in shock and puzzlement. Clearly we all wanted more of an explanation, so she went on. “My husband died 14 years ago. And it’s not just that he died, it was how he died that yanked the rug out from under my life. If you’ve been married a long time — we had been married 27 years — you know after a while there are times when you really love your spouse, times you really hate your spouse, and times when you’re just kinda indifferent. They’re just another piece of furniture you learn to walk around in your life. We were in one of those doldrums. Not fighting, not mad at each other, just bleh. He went off on another business trip. He traveled a lot for business. I took him to the airport and I think the last words I ever said to him were, ‘Get out of my car. I’m late.’ I didn’t yell at him or say it angrily or anything. It was just matter-of-fact. I was late for work and he had started to tell some unimportant story that I knew could wait and I know how antsy the curb cops get at the airport.

“Usually when he got into his hotel, he’d call to say he got in all right and to talk for a minute. But if it was late or he got tied up, he wouldn’t wake me just to say hi, so I wasn’t surprised or concerned when I didn’t get a call that evening. The next morning, I got a call from the El Paso Police saying my husband had been found dead on the floor of his hotel room when the maid came in to clean. He had never even opened his suitcase. An apparent heart attack.”

He hadn’t been sick or having any medical problems. No history of heart disease. He was 52. The suddenness of it caught her completely unprepared. “We really did have a good marriage. I did love him. I wish I told him that more often. And that it would have been the last thing I said to him.”

She said for a while friends tried to get her to come to dinner or a party or go out and she just felt too empty and unsociable to do it. And she found that if you say ‘no’ often enough to invitations, they stop coming. And that she didn’t know where the last 14 years had gone, but she would go to work each day, barely speaking to her coworkers as she went through the motions of her job. She said she was so down at work that people just pretty much left her alone, which they thought was what she wanted.

She’d come home, make and eat dinner, and sit in front of the TV. She said, “I can’t even say I watch TV, because I don’t even pay attention to what is on. I just sort of stare through the television set. That has been my life for 14 years. No friends, no fun, no laughter. Then an amazing thing happened. I got this ticket. And of course I thought it was horrible, but it turned out to be the best thing that’s happened in years. I came to class last night and you people were alive and fun! There is still joy in the world, even in traffic school! I had such a great time last night with all you interesting people. And I laughed. For the first time in years, I laughed, and it felt so good! All the way home last night I was thinking it was the best evening I’d had since my husband died.”

By now everyone in the class was tearing up. She continued, “Today, I startled my coworkers by coming in with a smile on my face. I brought donuts for the office and instead of hiding in my office, I carried the box desk to desk to give everybody one and said hello. My boss finally asked what was up and when I told him, he was so happy, he insisted on taking the whole office out to a Christmas lunch to celebrate the new me! I called a friend of mine I hadn’t talked to in years. We still exchanged Christmas cards, but that was about it. She and her husband used to always throw a big holiday party, always the Saturday before Christmas. I asked if they still had the party and if I was still welcome to come. She said yes, they would love to see me. I am so excited to start living again. To thank you all, I brought those big things of cookies for tonight and was really looking forward to seeing you all again.”

And by now, the whole class was crying and smiling at the same time. I hope she had many more merry days.