Don’t Yell at my Daughter
By: Razeeb Mahmood
Tags: Words, Stories, Dads, Advice, Racism

About two weeks ago I went to see the movie Green Book. If you haven’t seen it I highly encourage it. It highlights racism in 1960s southern America. It was told honestly, sadly, uncomfortably but beautifully. Lesson of the movie?

Be decent — to everyone.

My wife was sitting to my left and my daughter left of her. About 10–15 minutes in I hear to the left of me a lady yelling at my daughter saying “stop!”. Both my wife and I look and the lady says “she keeps touching me”. As soon as she said that my daughter said “excuse me” to her in a scared and remorseful way, she was startled. Even though I was furious about how someone could yell at my daughter (I know my wife was as well) I didn’t say anything. I should have. Also honestly at the time I assumed my daughter was doing something wrong. At least at the start of the movie she was a bit restless but nothing disturbing, just moving around. Can’t really blame her, movie was a little slow in the beginning.

I only learned after the movie that my daughter was just putting her arm on armrest and if anything she touched the lady accidentally. She should have been more aware of others but still the lady could have handled it better if she was disturbed.

I was glancing to my left every now and then to check on my daughter. During most of the movie the lady had this look, a look of hate really. It almost felt like she was disgusted just being next to us and my daughter. Who after being yelled at sat with both of her hands over my wife’s seat so that she wouldn’t touch the lady.

The movie ends.

Throughout the movie I was thinking about saying something to the lady. So when we were getting ready to leave I wanted us to leave in the direction of the lady so that I could speak to her. But I see my daughter trying to go the other way. I assumed she was scared but I kind of forced her to walk towards the lady’s end of the row anyway. Mainly for her not to be afraid of a bully and second for me to speak to her. Also it was the quickest direction to the exit.

I get a little closer and now I see the lady was actually gesturing with her fingers and then telling my daughter to go the other way, as if we were not equal to go by her. Ahh… that’s why my daughter wanted to go the other way. Oh… hell… no…

Commence dad mode.

I again tell my daughter to keep going that way. She passes the lady with hesitation, then my wife passes (who at this point I’m sure wanted to murder her). As they passed the lady had a surprised look like how dare they. Without thinking I said “ma’am don’t ever talk to my daughter that way, you look like you are 90 years old, you should know how to speak to a child”. As soon I said that she stopped making eye contact with me. But I continued “this is not your 1960s anymore, be better ”. And lastly I asked her “did you learn nothing from the movie?”

I said these pretty loudly and a good portion of the people around us could hear. Again without thinking. I think at this point she was embarrassed or didn’t know what to say. She stayed quiet looking the other way as we left.

Now looking back I shouldn’t have commented on her age or yelled myself. That wasn’t very nice. I have no idea whether or not she was being racist. But at minimum she was being a total jerk, to a child none the less. I’m sure if my daughter wasn’t there I would have cursed her out or worse. I wouldn’t have cared it was a woman.

Not everyone knows if they are bothering someone — specially a child. Just tell them nicely and ask them to stop. If that doesn’t work tell the parents. Don’t yell at someone else’s child.