Why Sadness is Vital to Becoming the Best Verison of Yourself
By: Taylor Franklin
Tags: Self Development, Pesonal Development, Self Improvement, Self

My freshman year of college was a new start for me.

I had spent all of high school in a miserable state of depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Finally, I chose to be happy again about halfway through senior year. I chose to heal, and see the light in my life again.

With that choice, I also chose to go to school in Seattle, Washington; thousands of miles away from home.

To me, being depressed again wasn’t even an option. I didn’t want to mess up this part of my life.

My freshman year was full of happiness, friends, and exploring this new city I called home. I couldn’t have asked for a better fresh start. However, toward the end of my second quarter I could feel the pent-up stress I wasn’t letting out.

I was really busy. Like, really really busy. Everyday. But I was just persevering.

I didn’t think I could let myself feel sad again. I couldn’t let myself feel depressed or anxious. God forbid I missed home. I stopped letting myself feel and put on a smile every day because I thought that I had to.

Coming home from college due to COVID-19 was like coming up for a breath of fresh air.

However, that breath didn’t last long. I finally let myself feel. And it became a vicious cycle of bad thoughts and even worse feelings. I was letting all of it go, finally.

Not letting myself feel sad or anxious or confused at college, made coming home ten times worse. And from that, I learned, it’s okay to not be okay.

Here is what I should have done while at college, and what you can do too.

Reach Out

It’s understandable that as a freshman in college, I didn’t want to bombard all of my new friends with my stress or sadness.

I also was the mascot for being the most talkative and outgoing, so expressing my deepest darkest emotions just felt, not me.

But I’m still human. And my friends came to me with their own issues, therefore I know I was more than welcome to share my own. And now I do.

A lot of the time.

When you first start feeling off, expressing that emotion to someone you trust is the best way to rationalize it and even let it go. Reaching out to friends, family, or even a therapist is always the right answer. It can never be wrong to ask for help or just to rant.

Take Alone Time

I am absolutely horrible at this one.

Even at home, the place I used to love to be alone, I have created this intense extroverted version of myself, who loves to be with people. I now feel awkward being alone, and typically feel my saddest.

But my time alone is also when I make the most realizations and am able to rationalize my feelings and let go of them.

At college, I was never alone. I lived with a roommate or lived in my best friend's room right downstairs. It was just a matter of which room we wanted to hang out in. This led to a cycle of never really processing my feelings.

It also led to me not feeling okay being alone. As if my own mind was a monster and I was the lonely victim.

I needed to understand that being alone did not mean I was lonely.

Being alone helps you take a step back from the fast pace of life, and really get to know yourself. Love yourself. Talk to yourself. Process things.

When I was home after coming back from college I made the hugest realization that I needed to change majors, and that I was on the wrong life path. If I had been at college still, I would have never even thought of that.

Being alone helped me find myself more. So take some time to get to know yourself.

Move On

It’s okay to feel whatever we need to feel.

Maybe your co-worker messed up all of your work from the entire day. Maybe your brother promised to give you a ride to the airport and bailed. Maybe you just went through a break-up.

Feel out these emotions of anger, sadness, and disappointment. But don’t let them consume you.

My biggest flaw is that I let my own emotions take over my life. I let them affect my sleep, eating, and mood every day. But when I learned how to forgive and let go, my quality of life became a lot better.

Let yourself feel things, and then move on. It’s simple. Don’t stay playing out how you will get back at someone or equally hurt them as they hurt you.

It’s not worth it.

Moving on is the best advice I can give to someone. Forgive and let go, and let these experiences make you stronger.