Peace on Earth is an Inside Job
By: Jennifer Friedman
Tags: Peace, Spirituality, Self-awareness, Psychology, New Year

Peace on Earth is an Inside Job

Photo by Jimmy Chang on Unsplash

2020 has been a lot! To quantify what has happened this year with all of the changes that have had to be endured seems impossible. Collective grief, loneliness, fear, and conflict have been ever-present. There has also been tremendous kindness, connection, and creativity. In reflecting on this year, I have been wondering about human suffering. The suffering that occurs inside of us. The kind that isn’t about loss or unmet needs. The suffering that we ourselves produce. We actually generate a great deal of our own human suffering.

Paradoxically, suffering typically begins from our goodness. We do not want to hurt other people. It goes against how we think of ourselves and how we want to be in the world. We want to be kind and gentle people. We want a peaceful world. Unfortunately, the state of being a human means that we will hurt others. It is often unintentional, but it happens. We are seeking peace in our lives. How do we achieve peace when the human condition causes hurt?

When a pebble hits the water’s surface it creates a ripple. The ripple progressively becomes smaller until the surface becomes smooth again. Much like a pebble, humans create ripples. Sometimes, we create small, subtle undulations and, at other times, we create large, wavelike reactions. Our effect on other humans, animals, and the planet can be viewed scientifically as a law of nature. It can also be viewed through a spiritual lens. In eastern spirituality, originating from early Hindu text, our effect on others and others’ effect on us is referred to as karma. Many people would prefer to live in a vacuum where their actions and energy have no effect on others. In a vacuum, you cannot get hurt and you cannot hurt others. It sounds much more easeful and much less painful. Unfortunately, there is no way around it. Call it science or spiritual truth, either way, we all impact one another.

While the pebble metaphor is helpful, it is usually not the entire story when it comes to human behavior. We do not create ripples and then stop there. We experience emotional reactions to creating waves. If we see that we may have hurt someone, or even feel its possibility, it can cause a reaction inside of us. We commonly experience this when setting a boundary. For example, if I say “no” to someone, it causes a ripple. The person receiving my “no” may feel rejected by my boundary. Experiencing the person’s hurt, or even the anticipation of the person’s possible hurt, can cause my own emotional reaction. And, it doesn’t stop there! We then often experience an emotional reaction TO our emotional reaction. If I am affected by a person’s hurt reaction to my boundary setting, I may experience guilt and become angry with myself for causing harm. Or, I may become angry at the other person for “making me feel hurt”. Often, our feelings of guilt, shame, and anger may signal that we are reacting to a difficult emotion. What may start as a pebble becomes a flailing and moving object creating all sorts of irregular movement on the water. In essence… human suffering.

You may be saying to yourself, “Okay I get it. So how do I be more like a pebble then? How do I tread more lightly and make fewer waves?” I want to implore you to ask a different question because we may never become the pebble. Some spiritual leaders seem to have met “pebble” status, but most of us will not. Most of us have signed up for the human course here on Earth. The human question then is, “How do I tend to my suffering?”

Essentially, we tend to our suffering by noticing what is happening inside of ourselves. We must notice how we have taken a single reaction and created a lot of different waves and reactions from it. We habitually may think that when we are uncomfortable, the waves around us are being caused by others. We feel threatened. We don’t realize that the waves are self-produced! Once we notice and stop flailing, however, the waves calm.

As 2020 comes to an end, we can reflect on how things would feel and look different if we strive to become more aware of our inner flailing when we are experiencing conflict. As our own personal suffering quiets, we create quiet and peace around us and in others. Peace in the new year begins inside ourselves. Increasing our self-awareness prepares the foundation for a more peaceful world.