He Doesn’t Really Love You
By: Michelle Jaqua
Tags: Women, Relationships, Love, Life Lessons, Abuse

A friend of mine whom I’ve written about lately, was love-bombed in a recent relationship. Fortunately, she was only in this relationship a couple of months.

During this time, the man told her how deeply he loved her, how they were going to spend the rest of their life together. He even told her that he dropped to his knees and thanked God for giving him this relationship. She was adored and idolized as a Goddess on a pedestal so high, she was bound to fall off and hurt herself from the fall.

Afterwards, she told me she was glad to be out of that relationship. However, the hardest thing to get over was that the entire relationship was a sham. He never really ‘loved’ her. His actions didn’t convey his heart. He easily moved on the next victim of his love bombing without so much as a flinch of despair.

Oh sure, he cried when she told him it was over. He tried to pull her back in again. But when it was obvious she wasn’t having anymore of it, he was back to online dating within hours of their final parting.

He was an emotional abuser and a narcissist. Those two personality traits combined are incapable of experiencing real human emotions and nurturing relationship connections. It is all about manipulation and control, and getting what they need to fill a big dark hole in their soul.

Most of us want a real, connected relationship. Why is that so hard to find?

These are the signs she saw and figured out he didn’t really love her:

1. He moved too fast in the relationship.

2. He started moving in with her without her realizing it; he brought over his belongings little by little until he had half a closet full of his things, all within the first month of knowing her.

3. He was overly demonstrative in his affection towards her; sending you constant texts, calls, always over at her place, and never giving her time to herself.

4. When he was over, he never helped her with the expenses like groceries or going out to do things. She was paying for his food and expenses while he was with her.

5. He talked about himself, but never asked her any questions about her life, about her day, or her family or friends.

6. He showed no interest in her life outside of him. He ignored her family and friends when they were around. Instead of engaging with them, he remained silent and subtly condescending to them.

It was easy to love bomb her when they were alone together, but when she introduced him to her friends and family, he became another man.

After the initial excitement wore off, she didn’t like what she saw. As time went on, she became saw that he was one man when they were alone together, and how his demeanor changed when interacting together in real life. This is when the relationship started to crumble. At first she gave excuses to his change in personality. but it never changed. That’s when she decided to make a positive change for herself.

She looked beyond his demostrative love and saw coercion and control, rather than real love. She talked with her friends and family who met him and listened when they gave their honest opinion that showed doubt about his love for her, and instead trying to make her life to be about him and only him. And she stood in that truth without self blame. She didn’t take it upon herself as flawed or unlovable when she saw that he didn’t really love her, but rather that this behavior was on him. He wasn’t the type of man who could truly love a woman.

Many women would continue the trying to get back that initial spark, making excuses for his behavior, or taking the blame for his reprehensible behavior when they were out with other people.

Unlike many women, she saw the relationship for what it was, and decided she didn’t want to be in that kind of partnership. She left him.

Leaving the relationship wasn’t easy. He kept trying to pull her back in, but she stood her ground. After he was gone, she could see more clearly that he didn’t really love her. She didn’t take that personally. Instead, she moved on and she’s much happier now.