I also want to be heard! (from Hungry Baby’s Grandma)
Tags: Baby, Grandma, Working Mom

*Note: This is the last piece of a series, following two stories: Born-To-Be-Hungry Son and I am The “Hungry Son” — The Way I remembered.

I am Jung. I am 85 years old.

Many people know me as the grandma of Phillip. By now, some of you might have noticed that I am also the mom of Lois, the author of the blogs here. Recently, Lois wrote a story about how she struggled when she was raising her first newborn baby. Also, I know that my grandson, Phillip, talked about his version of the story the other day. Today, I’d like to share my side of the story.

As the mom of Lois, I have many precious and fond memories about her. Since Lois was little, she has been caring, considerate, hospitable, and smart. As she grew up, she also became an independent and discerning person, who was good at precise decision making and behaved with full responsibility and accountability. I have always trusted her words and her judgement. I do not remember any particular times when I seriously scolded or quarreled with her. Oh, I have to stop here. Just like each of your moms, whether they are from the Asian or western culture, we cannot help bragging about our kids once we start; we easily get over prideful.

Back to the story I want to talk about today, it is about the time when Lois had her first baby, Phillip. As a mom who already had four kids, I fully empathized with her experiences. I thought about how stressful and heavy it would be to have her first baby, although it was joyful and exuberant to her, of course. I stayed with her the whole time she was in labor, which lasted more than 10 hours, and until she finally gave birth to the baby. All of the family, including myself, were very delighted and grateful that she and her baby were both healthy.

While Lois was sleeping from being weary and exhausted from the long labor, a couple of books piled just next to her pillow caught my eye. The books were titled “A-to-Z Baby Care for the Modern Parent” and “Newborn 101: Secrets from Expert Doctors”. Oh, I remember another one as well, “BABY OWNER’s Manual”.

At first, I was stunned and astonished by how bold the book titles were and how thick the books were. I presumed that Lois already had lots of knowledge about raising babies through these books. In fact, I came to realize that she had not asked me any questions about how to raise a newborn baby. Initially, I was proud of her being diligent and being meticulously prepared, just as she had been so far in every aspect of her life. Later, however, I felt disappointed that she did not ask me anything because I wanted to share my experiences and tips that I obtained while raising four kids. Also, I was very sad that my experiences were considered obsolete or out-of-fashion to her and the young parents of these days.

After Lois and I returned to her home with her newborn baby, we had a couple of events described in the stories of Lois’s and Phillip’s. Lois was very anxious and scrupulous about following the guidelines in the book, literally word by word, number by number. For instance, if the books instructed her to feed 30 milli-liters per meal to a first week old baby, then Lois stuck to it regardless of if the baby seemed full or not. It looked like using more or less formula was not acceptable to her. Lois also strived to train the baby to not eat at night by letting the baby cry throughout the night even though he was hungry. One night when the baby was wailing almost to a seizure, I persuaded Lois to stop that training.

At that time, I really thought a lot about what the best way was to talk to my daughter, without hurting her feelings or meddling in her way. I wanted to say that getting knowledge from books is undeniably crucial, it was, and it will be. More often than not, however, I’ve found out that we can gain the wisdom of life in an unwritten form or pattern as well.

I was happy when my daughter, Lois, finally listened to me, and she adjusted her way of raising the baby after I cautiously offered my advice.

As a summary, I’d like to remind the young generation, including my daughter of two things whether you are currently a mom or not.

First, probably some thoughts or ways of my generation might sound old-schooled. They may not seem scientifically proven to the young modern generation. I do not insist that our thoughts are always correct. Often, however, it is worth paying attention to them. I hope that the wisdom and insight that we, the elderly, have obtained from our experiences are not considered outdated or obsolete. They can be helpful and useful even now, in complementing what you learn from books and the Internet.

Second, particularly regarding raising babies, I have a belief that it is not about rules; it is all about love. Whether it is the love of a young mom with flawless, impeccable rules and processes, or the love of an old fashioned grandma with heavily wrinkled hands, more love is always better for babies.

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