3 Simple Questions to Avoid Being Lied to in Life.
By: Maarten Vercruysse
Tags: Life Lessons, Questions, Life Hacking, Money, Mindfulness

Photo by Maznu Rahman on Unsplash

Slow down! Trusting less won’t hurt you.

3 Simple Questions to Avoid Being Lied to in Life.

How to recognize liars and scammers faster and more often.

After loosing $70K to a scam broker, I realized that I needed a framework or mental model to recognize scammers and liars. Trusting others is important in life. However, asking why is critical. If not, you will be a victim more often than a winner.

The framework, that I think works really well, consists of three simple questions. These allow you to understand why someone can be trusted.

Go beyond the typical superficial characteristics of body language like eye movement, hand gestures and vocal indicators. If someone crushes his fists, doesn’t look you in the eyes, sweats, leans away, speaks in a higher-pitched voice, talks fast and asks deflecting questions then clearly something is going on. Maybe it’s a scam or maybe the person is just very insecure and nervous. To understand any situation on a deeper level, you need to ask the right questions.

1. What is in it for them?

Everybody has some kind of game going. Understanding each other’s game and knowing people’s interests is critical to really know if someone acts in good faith or not.

This may sound rather Machiavellian. Still, from an evolutionary perspective, altruism is very rare in nature.

Also not known for his rosy disposition, my favorite TV character summarized it very well:

“It is the basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. … Find out what matters to them, what they are willing to die for, … they are willing to lie for.” — House M.D. (S01 E21)

Photo from House M.D. (TV Series 2004-12) on http://getwallpapers.com/

To detect a lie, figure out what makes someone tick. What motivates them? If what they say is in line with what matters to them, then they probably speak the truth. If their words are not in agreement with their main motivation, then be careful and ask more questions.

2. Is everything consistent?

Lying for a long time is difficult for most people. Because the story will get more complicated over time. The liar might slip and mix up certain facts or change them. The liar might also talk to different people and forget what he told to whom.

Ask for details if the story is vague and ask the same questions several times but phrased differently.

In doubt, make the other guy say the same thing three times. First as a simple fact, second as a confirmation of your summary so that they say “That’s right” and third as an explanation to your “how” or “what” question about implementation.

Inconsistencies in a story is a strong indicator that one is not truthful.

When communicating feelings and attitudes, words actually play the smallest part in personal communications. So analyzing body language is not entirely useless.

The 7–38–55 rule of personal communication by Prof Albert Mehrabian explains this point well. 7 percent of a message is based on the words while 38 percent comes from the tone of voice and 55 percent from the speaker’s body language and face.

These non-verbal elements can present a listener with important clues to the speaker’s thoughts and feelings and thus substantiate or contradict the speaker’s words.

The best liars consciously match their story with the right tone of voice and appropriate body language. Hence, make sure to ask the third question.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

3. Am I being stupid?

If believing a lie is stupid then let’s avoid being stupid.

Whatever the answers are to the previous two questions, dismissing inconsistent or crucial information is stupid. So don’t be.

Warren Buffet’s business partner, Charlie Munger, said it best:

“It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.”

— Charlie Munger

Know and avoid recognizable conditions that add to stupidity. Be aware when you encounter one and be especially careful if you encounter more than one.

Situations or conditions that may compromise your cognitive capacity are:

Being outside of your circle of competence. Failing to have competent others review your decision. Being in a group where social cohesion matters. Groupthink or social pressure can make you accept things you’d never accept otherwise. Being in the presence of an “authority.” Many authorities often express opinions outside their area of expertise. People around the authority figure will easily defer their own opinion even when it isn’t justified. Being stressed or exhausted. Having to make a decision urgently. Information overload, which can mask the most crucial points. Multitasking, switching between tasks quickly and at the cost of your mental capacity. Fixating on a particular outcome, so ignoring other possible consequences.

Take-home message

Why do you trust someone? Listening to your gut feeling is important. Just don’t rush it. Very few things in life require you to make decisions fast. It is not procrastination if you have a system. Ask the right questions, listen and observe.