How to Be the Most Interesting Person in the Room
By: John Reel
Tags: Life Hacking, Growth, Personal Development, Better Conversations

How to Be the Most Interesting Person in the Room

Photo Unsplash: Aranxa Esteve

Have you ever wondered what makes people likable? Have you ever been stuck in a boring conversation? With this one trick, you can become the belle of the ball and turn all those boring conversations around.

People are naturally self-centered because they live inside their heads. They have a bias towards their well being, feelings, and success. When you show you care about someone and what they have to say, they will develop a yearning to be around you.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you can leave a lasting impression on everyone you meet. By developing a habit of searching for something interesting in people, you’re more likely to spark a connection and leave them wanting more of you. By looking for something interesting in everyone you encounter, you will become a memorable person.

This technique also helps save you from crippling boredom, and I’ll prove it. For 6 months I liked with my in-laws before moving abroad. They are boring AF. The mom works then watches tv, and her weekend fund is reorganizing the kitchen cupboards. The dad is retired, sits on the computer all day, and waters the lawn by hand to kill time it would seem. Neither will have more than 1 glass of wine with dinner and both tell the same stories on repeat. They also eat the same 5 meals week in week out. I was in hell until I changed how I approached my interactions with them.

I made it a point to look for something interesting in any interaction I had with them. If we were talking about the Antique Roadshow, I would ask them why they liked the show, because I was genuinely interested to find out how anyone could sit through an hour of it. If they told me a story I had heard a dozen times, like their wedding story, I would ask them what they were feeling right after saying yes to learn something about the human psyche and get past the boring details I had heard many times before.

With the mindset that I would find something interesting in every conversation I had with these boring people, I was no longer bored out of my wits. I could also see that my conversation counterparts started to share more interesting tidbits based on what they thought I may be interested in. By asking questions, I influenced the conversation in a way that was more interesting to me and made the person opposite me feel better about sharing deeper thoughts.

People often feel the need in social situations to one-up someone or share their experience with a certain thing. Interactions often go like this:

Person 1: tells a story.

Person 2: says that’s cool, tells a story that relates to person 1’s story.

Person 3, interesting, tells a story that that’s related to person 1 and 2’s story.

And round and round we go. We are trained in this style of conversation from a young age because this is how we see people interact. We think if we have the best stories, we’ll be the most liked.

A better conversation and one that will make everyone feel more connected is one that goes like this

Person 1: tells a story.

Person 2: asks a question about the story.

Person 3: wonders out loud what would have happened if person 1 did x instead of y.

And round and round we go in a way that makes person 1 feel validated, while person 2 and 3 get a chance to learn more about what makes person 1 tick. Person 2 can still tell their story, but responding to a story with another story isn’t a conversation, it’s a series of presentations. People who are just waiting for their turn to tell a story aren’t active in a conversation.

Next time you’re in a social situation, ask more questions than tell stories. Asking questions will help you find something interesting about the person you are talking to and make the conversation more enjoyable for both parties. The person opposite you will also begin to feel you care about them, feel better about themselves, and leave the conversation thinking you are a person they like to be around.