If I write about sex, does that make me a sex worker?
By: Meaghan Ward
Tags: Life Lessons, Sex, Sexuality, Lifestyle, Writing

Most of the negativity comes in comments by anonymous emails and Twitter DMs of people calling me a slut or whore for writing about sex.

I have been told that it’s ‘unbecoming of a woman’ to be so open about her sexuality online, and that no one wants to read my smutty personal stories which, they claim, don’t even sound true half the time.

I have one particular troll that even reads most of my articles and then emails me to point out what a shitty writer I am if I have a typo or use the wrong word in a sentence — the joke’s on him now that Medium earnings are based on reading time and not claps!

Thanks for reading, nasty trollers!

I wish I could say that’s the worst that has come out of sex writing, but there’s another thing that is happening to me now that I didn’t really expect and really don’t like.

Apparently some people think that the fact I write about sex and sexuality is an invitation for them to tell me what they would like to do to me sexually.

I get emails, comments, and DMs from people who go to great lengths to tell me how my writing turns them on so much that they jerk off and think of me while they’re reading.

They tell me in great detail how they’d like to smell and taste my pussy, suck on my breasts, bury their cocks in me and fuck me til I squeal.

They ask me for pictures and videos, they tell me they will pay me to masturbate in front of a camera for them, some have said they want to send me gifts of vibrators and toys so that I will use them on camera for them and then send them back so they can smell and lick them. And yeah, people want my dirty panties, too.

So this all makes me beg the question that’s been on my mind lately…

If I write about sex, does that make me a sex worker?

It stands to reason that some people who read my work will get the impression that since I was into doing something once with a partner it means that I might want to do it again with a stranger for money — but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

And I’m writing an article about it because it seems I can’t say it enough.

I don’t want to have any sexual relations with my readers — and that includes dirty back and forth discourse no matter how ‘harmless’ you say you are.

I’m not writing about sex because I want to have it with strangers on the internet, I’m writing about it so strangers on the internet can learn something from my experiences and in some way be impacted or changed for the better.

And yes, sometimes I write a piece that is made to try to turn you on, to get a rise out of you, to make you feel something in your body and not just in your mind.

Not for nothing, it’s fun as hell to write about sex every day, especially on days when I share my own personal stories and recollections, because reliving them through my writing turns myself on and makes me feel sexy, too.

But, again, it’s not an invitation to solicit me for sexual experiences.

And I really wish some of my readers would stop, because I know I’m not the only sex writer out there who holds the same opinion.

We appreciate that you are supporting our writing with your reads and comments, but some of us are really uncomfortable about the turn some people take in their responses to our writing.

Am I a prude? Of course not. But I have boundaries.

I write under a pen name and use a fake profile picture, after all, because I want to keep my real self private and safe.

Comments from anonymous strangers who talk about wanting to pound my pussy or spank me until I bleed not only don’t turn me on, they make me really uncomfortable, and I barely respond to them except to occasionally tell them to stop, and why they should.

Then I’m a bad girl, because I’m teasing you with my articles and not putting out.

Well, listen. As a sex writer, I know it’s my job to turn you on, but it’s never my responsibility to get you off.

Some people blur the line between sex writing and sex working, as if they can’t be mutually exclusive.

I’m here to tell you — they can be, and for me, they are.

I realize that I might piss off and alienate some readers by writing this, but it’s worth it to speak up on behalf of fellow sex writers who might feel the same way as I do and just want the solicitations to stop.

I’m not prostituting myself out with my writing.

It’s not an invitation I am offering up to you.

It’s not foreplay for me.

It’s my job.

And I don’t like being catcalled on my way to work every day.