How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship
By: Jyotsna Ahuja Kapoor
Tags: Toxic Relationships, Breakups, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Love

There is no easy way to say this. Still, if you’re feeling miserable ALL the time about yourself because of something that your significant other, said or did, or you’ve repeatedly experienced unpleasant occurrences thanks to them, then you’re most definitely in a toxic relationship. Worst still, a toxic relationship makes you feel that everything unpleasant that happens is your fault.

By its very nature, relationships are supposed to enrich us, help us grow and feel better. Partners are like mirrors that help us look at ourselves in a clear light, tell us when and where we’re pretty and help us look better when we’re not. Not the other way around.

If you find that the signs are no longer screaming at you from the wall but rather from inside your own head and you’re frantically doing everything you can not to listen, look and know, then you know its time to WALK OUT.

Walking out of a toxic relationship can be one of the most daunting tasks, especially if you believe you are all alone. You are never alone. You need to find the right person to trust or the right place to look for what you need to do. Support is always an outreach away.

Here’s what can help you plan your exit process seamlessly.

Step 1: Be brutally honest with yourself.

Ask yourself why you choose to stay in a situation, which leaves you feeling worse than when you were not in it. It is better to be alone than to feel guilt, terror, shame and isolation by the very person you were looking to build a bond with. Wherever you feel most deficient, whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s the one place you’ve only been actually feeling worse. You were always stronger before and outside the relationship than you are now. Acknowledge that.

Step 2: Find the Achilles Heel.

Most toxic relationships have their hook in a person, based on where that person feels they need to stay in the relationship. Women will believe it’s their financial dependency on the man, or for the kids, or even worse social stigma. No child wants to grow up seeing one parent’s toxic traits obliterating the very life force of the other. No amount of money is going to be price enough for your self-worth. If you don’t acknowledge that, then now is the time stop reading this article any further. Social stigma is society’s way to control you. Reverse that by being extremely aware of their own shame, and if need be, bring it very subtly to the attention of those who seek to manipulate you by intimidating you into submission of what they decide is or isn’t good.

Step 3: Reconnect with the older, healthier parts of you.

Before we were in a toxic relationship, there were parts of our life that were non-relationship related, that gave us sheer joy. In all probability, you’ve given those up. In all probability, it was because the toxic partner expressed that you should do so, directly or indirectly. Immediately start something along those lines, even if it’s as innocuous as gardening, or an online course to learn a new language, or to give tuitions to kids, or helping someone old with basic stuff. Find a way to find another (or many more) focal points that are neutral and joy-giving. Revel in these.

Step 4. Slowly, quietly build a base outside the relationship.

One that you can rely upon for the whole new, healthier chapter of your life. There is no shame in being alone. Be it an emotional base, a financial one, or even a physical base of living arrangements. It’s important to do this very gradually, and not let the toxic partner get to know. Start planning quietly and well in advance, of the day you are going to leave. In the meantime, do nothing to let the other person sense that you are planning this. In fact, let them continue to believe that they still have absolute dominion over you.

Step 5: Leave. Simply, silently and suddenly.

Never look back. Never let them reconnect with you and tell you how sorry they are, that they’ll do anything to take you back, and that they will change. They won’t. They will beg, plead, threaten, maybe even be verbally, emotionally physically violent. Just know, that as much is their violence and desire to strike at you, that much is their level of absolute terror and shock at losing you. They were always counting on you to be the deflection and punching bag for their own shame and brutality, which they will now have to face alone. Be aware of this, and deal with it stoically.

If you can do this, there is no reason why you don’t have a gradual path ahead to healing every bit of your heart that deserves it.