Oprah, Meghan, Harry, and Choosing Yourself
By: Julius Bridgeforth
Tags: Wellness, Royal Family, Personal, TV, Family

Sunday’s two-hour sit-down with the recently emancipated royal couple highlighted a powerful lesson in self-preservation.

Oprah sits down with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (Source: Joe Pugliese/Harpo Productions)

The world (or at least the East Coast) tuned in Sunday night at 7pm to watch the much-anticipated sit-down with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on CBS. And who other to interview Britain’s royal couple than America’s own media queen, Oprah Winfrey? Announced less than a month ago, the primetime special immediately became the type of must-see TV we haven’t seen in a while, with reports of bidding wars between networks over broadcasting rights and nearly daily coverage in anticipation of what would be covered in the two-hour event. If anything, the promotion undersold the event, because it delivered more than simply watercooler moments, but watershed revelations that will be felt in the imprint of the monarchy forever.

Prince Harry and Meghan made the decision to step back from their royal titles in 2020 after an onslaught of drama, harassment, and cruelty from the British public. Tabloids took aim at every single aspect of their life, picking apart the way Meghan walked around while she was pregnant to outright fabrications of feuding between herself and Kate Middleton. Oprah even made a point of showing headline coverage of Kate and Meghan’s respective pregnancies side by side, as this particular brand of misogynoir is all too familiar to Black women. ‘Misogynoir’ is a term coined by scholar Moya Bailey used to describe the unique brand of misogyny that Black women face, because conversations about mainstream feminism often leave out the added element of racism that White women do not encounter. Meghan, while guarded with her words, was very clear about the unfathomable adversity she faced in her position, from learning that her child would not receive security detail to finding out there were closed door discussions over the expected pigmentation of her unborn child. As the attacks on her character from the media increased, she wondered if the palace would step in and defend her honor. They never did.

Split into two halves, the first hour of the program was a one-on-one with Oprah and Meghan, with Prince Harry joining them in the second half. A majority of Oprah’s questions in the first part were aimed at Meghan and her experiences with the empire, while the second half shifted to matters concerning the institution of the monarchy as a whole and its affect on the two as husband and wife.

Ultimately, the takeaway from the entire ordeal was the power in choosing oneself over everything: tradition, money, and even family. Prince Harry mentions at one point that his father, Prince Charles doesn’t even return his phone calls now. He still associates with his brother, Prince William and grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, but it’s clear there is some complication between he and the former. We learned that the stories of the Queen being ‘blindsided’ by Meghan and Harry’s decision to step back from their roles were complete lies, as Harry noted that they had three distinct conversations on their choice prior to it being made public. Near the end of the special, Harry also revealed that he and Meghan were financially cut off from the family early last year, likely when they became settled in their decision to step down as Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

One online comment I saw surrounding the event noted that Harry and Meghan’s life is an example of cutting out toxic family and relations (albeit on a greater scale). All too often, people are expected to just ‘forgive and forget’ when it comes to difficulties with the ones they love, all in the name of ‘blood is thicker than water.’ But what do you do when your very existence is a threat to people who are determined to make your life a living hell because they think you will never retaliate? You remove yourself from the situation, or at least limit your exposure to the toxicity. Meghan was clearly suffering, even revealing that she turned to help after experiencing suicidal thoughts, to no avail whatsoever. She was expected to simply put on a smile and endure it. Oprah asks Meghan at one point, “Were you silent or were you silenced?” regarding her role in the institution. Tradition can sometimes be beautiful, but has a way of crippling the minds and hearts of many, to the point where a person’s ‘values’ take precedence over their treatment of the living, human beings in front of them. Whether the reasoning be based on religion, familial tradition, or preference, some people are incapable of accepting a reality than doesn’t line with the way they think things ‘should’ be.

Make no mistake, Meghan was judged from the moment she hit the scene. She began her relationship with Harry as a divorcee, an American, and a woman of color, already deviating from the picture perfect, near virginal expectancy of what was likely envisioned as the perfect bride for the UK’s beloved Prince. When it became clear that Meghan was set to become his betrothed, her presence was rejoiced by some as historic, but accepted through gritted teeth by others. After her marriage, she was expected to simply ‘fall in line’ and ‘learn her place,’ a truth that every woman can relate to, whether it be at work, in their personal lives, or society in general.

Through all of the sensationalism, inhospitality, and mistreatment, one thing that has endured is Meghan and Harry’s love for each other. It appears that adversity has only strengthened the bond between the two, as they have had little to rely on besides each other. The beauty in their union, and the power of them going public with their story is that it shows the power in choosing yourself. Many people are brought up with the idea that they can be or do anything, but some people are only comfortable with the confinements of the boxes they place you in. When you step outside of your perceived place (or in Prince Harry’s case, choose a partner that does), there is drawback, and sometimes alienation. This alienation can, and often does, comes from the very people who are supposed to love you. You are only truly be free when you are free to be yourself, unjudged. Far too often, we tuck away aspects of ourselves to become more a palatable version for consumption. It is my belief that people who can not accept you are simply not meant to be in your life, for they are only in love with the ‘version’ of you that they like. This includes anyone or anything that threatens your peace. As I sat in my living room watching the special with my mom, I said, “She [Meghan] is setting people free. She’s giving someone watching this the courage to leave a relationship, job, or whatever it is in their life that no longer serves them.” In my previous post, I mention that knowing something and acknowledging something are two different things. You can know something and bury it in the back of your mind, but to acknowledge something and call it for what it is takes strength. When you acknowledge its place, it is then that you can move forward with whatever truth you are facing.