Why You Shouldn’t Talk About Your Ex on the First Date
By: Anggun Bawinur
Tags: Relationships, Self, This Happened To Me, Dating Advice, Advice and Opinion

1. You will Give the Wrong Impression

“Who cares about what the new person will think? If they like me, they like me, right?”

Yes, I agreed on not giving too much damn about other people’s opinions but hear me out, first impressions matter more than you think. Especially if you really like this new person, you certainly don’t want to give them an impression that you aren’t over your ex yet.

Think about it, you go on a date with someone new and they keep bringing up their past relationship more than once during the date. Even if they always say “I’ve moved on completely” at the end of their sentences, you won’t believe them. Why? Because your brain will constantly convince yourself that they haven’t.

And guess what happens next? You’ll become less interested in them and step back from their existence because you think there’s no room for a new person like you in their heart — just yet.

2. It’s Harder to Let Go of Your past Relationship

When you are about to meet someone new, it indicates that you open up your heart again to someone else other than your ex. You start believing again after having your heartbroken.

Unfortunately, we all know trying to move on from our ex can be hard sometimes especially when the person has been in our lives for so long. It definitely takes time to get used to their absence.

So this is why talking about your ex on your first date isn’t a good idea because it makes your mind travel back to the past and if you are like me who gets emotional easily, it can be hard to shake those thoughts off and redirect your focus on the present again.

3. Lack of Respect for the New Person

One time I went out on a date with this guy and to be honest I was excited. He seems nice, and while we got along pretty well, there’s something that kept bothering me that night but I couldn’t see what was it.

By the time I reached home, I sat down and began to ask myself why did I feel that way. After long digging, I finally noticed that I felt annoyed every time he talked about his ex (both in a good and bad way). Whatever story he was trying to tell, it felt like he needed to involve his ex so that the story can be valid — even when some of them are completely irrelevant.

While this thing didn’t make me block his number the next day, I began avoiding him because at that time I felt disrespected by his action. In my mind, I was literally okay listening to his stories but not to the point where every conversation had to include his ex which he claimed he has moved on a long time ago.

So as you can see, sometimes we can hurt people without we even realize it and before you lose your chance to be with someone new that you really like, it’s better to leave your stories about your ex in the past because that’s where they belong.

4. You Won’t Be Able to See the New Person as Who They Really Are

I’ve seen this happens a lot where people say, “my current girlfriend/boyfriend is so much better than my ex” While this can be true, you shouldn’t compare your new partner with your ex. They are completely two different people and they are too have their own bad sides.

This mostly happens for people who jumped into a new relationship so quickly right after they broke up. So it’s not a surprise if they keep talking about their ex on the first date. However, if you want your next relationship to be healthy (and fair), it’s highly recommended to set everything right from the beginning and one of them is to take out the ex conversation on your first date.

Another negative impact that can happen from your new partner's side when you talk about your ex on the first date is that they will most likely try to match your expectations. If your ex is a jealous type of person, then this new person will try not to be jealous even if they actually are.

So eventually this will lead to disappointment and the hard time you are having to see the real them — not based on your expectations.