What 80 hours of meditation in 1 month have taught me
By: Yana Lykhman
Tags: Meditation, Vipassana, Psychedelics, Silence, Awareness

In April I did two 5-day guided home vipassana retreats; one in the beginning, one in the end, meditating on average for 7 hours per day, and was practicing meditation in between. I had experienced a classical vipassana in a Buddhist monastery in Thailand about 1,5 years ago for 11 days so, I had some idea about the practice and was following the same protocol of waking up at 4am, observing noble silence, having two meals a day until 1pm and going to bed at 9.30pm. When I wasn’t meditating, I was watching educating lectures about the practice and also about materials about karma and Buddhism in general.

Being intentionally isolated in already isolated world was an interesting experience; I believe external conditions made my experience easier in a way, knowing I’m not missing much out there. Second vipassana in the end of month allowed me to go even deeper and I could see the benefit of a continued practice, could feel how it builds up

Each retreat is a life-changing experience. And there are multiple ways to have a life-changing experience, I’ve had few of those. I’ve done 45 ayahuasca and probably the same amount of other plant and amphibian ceremonies. I left home with one-way ticket to Nepal and traveled for 5 months. I’ve lived in ashrams and monasteries, jumped from the plane with parachute, visited ancient temples of Cambodia, did pilgrimage to Buddha’s birthplace, studied tantra in Thailand, sat in the ceremonies with shamans in the jungles of Amazon, went through Krav Maga training (Israeli military self-defense system), have been to the Burning Man twice, lived in three countries (and worked, studied, stayed for some periods of time in many more) and in general had lots of interesting experiences that deepened my journey of self-discovery. I’m also a life coach and have been the most loyal client of myself for over a decade J

Well, every single time vipassana kicks my ass more than anything else.

If you ever tried to meditate you’ve probably had really frustrating experiences in the beginning. Scenario is pretty much the same; you finally decide to do it, sit in a comfortable space and try to concentrate on your breath. And suddenly you are hit by the wave of tons of thoughts, emotions, feelings coming out of nowhere. Like that isn’t enough, your body starts itching, twitching and hurting and on a minute 5 you are ready to quit, thinking that you just can’t meditate. Let me tell you that this is normal. This is how it begins for majority of us, and that’s why not many decide to stick around for more.

One of the reasons for the endless stream of thoughts is that our inner sight or projector is always aimed outwards. We are in the state of observing, judging, engaging, witnessing, comparing the outside world and what’s happening around. So, in that rare moment when we intentionally turn that projector inwards, everything that you have observed, took in, everything that needs to be addressed and worked on starts pouring on you and, its overwhelming. That’s why the first 10–15 minutes of the meditation is just allowing the mind “to unload” those terabytes of observed information into the space you are creating within, so it can start calming down. One of my teachers, a yogi and a monk says that, untrained mind is like a wild monkey that got drunk on wine and is being stung by the scorpions. Can really relate to that description!

Once I would pass that barrier of the “trash” loading on me and reach more or less calm and stable state (which isn’t the case in every meditation and sometimes I would spend the whole 45-minute session calming my mind and returning to the breath), I would enter a deeper state of inner observation where thoughts are a bit less frequent and more personal. I would start to see myself within. Some thoughts that would come to me at that stage are very honest and not so pleasant. I would witness some situation that happened long time ago from a distance and see my own ego, or judgment, or lack of awareness. Or some of my motives would be shown to me not from a pretty place. Or I would be shown my own unconscious thoughts that I would feel shame about. And with all of that one needs to work; to see it for what it is, not to attach or react to it, just witness it and let it go, which isn’t easy at all. Imagine having this experience for 10–15 hours a day (practice doesn’t stop with meditation so, you keep on receiving this even when you aren’t meditating) for 5 days straight. It is VERY humbling experience.

Everything in this Universe is in search for balance, so there are beautiful moments of this practice as well when you enter the state of deep presence, a flow, when you step outside of your body and thoughts and connect to the Higher Consciousness. Those who have had experience with psychedelics may relate to this, but imagine achieving this without any kind of medium in between with your pure being; it’s really powerful. Occasionally I would be overflown with sense of gratitude for everyone and everything or with love for the Creator. At that stage not only you have no doubt about the existence of something bigger than yourself, you also have the chance for the dialog with Them.

There are also other “perks” called vipassana insights and there are many of them. In these 3 retreats I have experienced different and some same ones; in the first one I have entered a 5th dimension in my walking meditation with my eyes open in the middle of the day, in the second one, one of my past lives came to me so clearly and vividly, and in all of them I was receiving so much knowledge as if someone was talking to me but I would hear the voice from within. This experience is amazing, as if you are watching your life unfold in front of you in the form of a map and an invisible hand begins to connect the dots; your relationship from 10 years ago with your current thoughts and lessons, your childhood dream with something that you do now, a “random” conversation which led you to something and that something led you to something very important etc, etc.

In the end of the experience you come with a feeling of purity. It feels like your whole being has gone through a soul laundry and, all you want to do is to share this feeling, this energy, this practice and knowledge with others.

As great, effectively proven for 2500 years as this experience is, there aren’t many who are willing to jump on this train. There is an explanation from the karmic perspective; one needs to have positive karmic gifts to have the access to the practice of meditation and even more for vipassana. The way to look at it is if you feel the call to do it, it means that you have those karmic gifts, otherwise it wouldn’t come to you or “call you”. It’s like you bought a lottery ticket, your numbers matched with the winning numbers, all you have to do now is to go and claim that prize J

What this practice is teaching me is to have a deeper relationship with myself. It’s removing the dualistic approach within me by allowing me to step outside of my human experience, seeing clearly that I’m not my body, not my thoughts and emotions, I’m so much more than that. With that knowledge felt within, I can choose not to be limited by my body or my thoughts, not looking at the world or others as they are on the opposite side of me, but seeing us all together above the level of the regular functions of the brain and senses that I have. The more I choose to go within the less I have concerns about the outside world. As strange as it sounds we do create our own reality based on our perception of it. I have no control over external world, but I have a choice to be fully in charge of my perception and experience of it. Yes, it’s not easy, it requires lots of inner work and dedication, but what can be more important than this?

The other side of this work and the greatest gift I’ve received in my life is the knowledge of karma. Thousands of books are written on this subject and I wish I could read all of them, understanding that this concept is limitless. Simple way I explain why it is so important to at least have a look at it is because it gives full explanation for EVERYTHING that we experience. Not only it gives an explanation, it also provides with the guidance about how to navigate through this experience called “life”. Buddhism not being a religion but a conduct of living, can enhance anyone’s practice or belief.

Until we aren’t aware of the karmic laws, we are obliged to live a certain program based on our previous and current life time experience. When we receive this knowledge, we also receive the “remote control”, and instead of being in a passive role we are given a chance to have a choice about our further experiences.

For a long time, I was saying I was an apprentice of the plant medicine. Now I have two teachers; plants and silence. Latter I practice by meditating twice daily and committing to have at least 3-day silent retreat every month.

In one of the ceremonies I was shown why silence is such a powerful teacher; it contains the strength and the wisdom of everything unsaid by billions who has ever lived and are living.

Namaskar.

https://shamindfully.com/vipassana