3 Powerful Lessons of Being Alone for the Holidays
By: Samuel Padilla
Tags: Expat, Holidays, Loneliness, Mindfulness, Self-awareness

It is All About your Tribe

“As long as you have a member of your Tribe with you, you’ll never feel alone.” — Samuel Padilla

I was at one of the lowest points in my life a couple of years ago. I was struggling with homesickness, lack of belonging, and the Iowa winter was taking a toll on my mental health. It was only during this dark period — thanks to the advice of friends, counselors, and mentors — that I realized the importance of having a well-defined tribe.

I use the term “Tribe” to describe those people in your life. I am not only talking about family here; this also includes friends, significant others, life-changing mentors, etc.

The exact definition I use is: “My Tribe is the people who I carry on from the places where I’ve lived. The people who will be with me independently of where I go. The people who I would do anything for, and the people who I know would do anything for me.”

Living so many years away from home teaches you a lot about who these people are. It shows you that the idea of family as the “social foundation” is outdated and unreal. While some family members would kill for you, there are many who barely message you to check-in. It teaches you that important people in life come and go. Many of whom you thought were going to be there forever slowly fade away while others suddenly come in to take great significance.

My tribe evolves as I evolve. As I increase my understanding of what truly makes someone special in my life, it also becomes more selective.

For most of my life, I have been fortunate to have at least one member of my tribe with me. This allowed me to realize that it does not matter how many miles from “home” you may be, as long as there is a member of your tribe with you, you will never feel alone.

Your Mind is your Home.

“Não importa onde estamos nossa mente é nosso lar” “No matter where we are, our mind is our home” — Oriente

Being alone forces you to reckon with your inner dialogue. It forces you to reflect on your dreams, on your fears, as well as on the beautiful and ugly things about you. It forces you to discover yourself.

All these years away from home have shown me that it matters very little to have a support group around you if you are not there to support yourself in the first place. If you are not in good terms with your mind, anything external becomes a distraction — friends, family gatherings, parties, etc. It all becomes a mere attempt to escape the internal conflict you are facing.

In the context of Christmas and New Year, being alone allows for deeper self-examination of what and who truly matters to you. It allows you to reflect on your growth over the last year and plan for the things you want to achieve in the next cycle. It lets you to pause, reflect, and dream.

You don’t need to have reached Nirvana, all you need is to be able to seat with your thoughts and be okay with it. If you are in good terms with yourself, sitting alone at the end of the year can be a remarkable experience.

Physical Locations Matter Very Little

“Where is Home?” — Everyone as soon as they find out I am not from here.

Every time someone asks me this, I second-guess myself and wonder if I should give them an overview of my life story or dismiss the questions by answering with my home country. I usually opt for the latter, but this reflects a deeper lesson of living away from home.

I have equally valid arguments to say that home is either the United States, Colombia, or Brazil. There is no country, culture, language, or house that I associate with home anymore.

The apartment where I grew up as a kid was sold when my parents got divorced. My grandpas’ house was put up for rent after they passed away. The house where I spent my teenage years was sold after I left Brazil.

Even culture, customs, or language came to matter very little in my associations with home. I grew to be exposed to contrasting cultures, bizarre traditions, and three different languages that I feel equally comfortable with.

So, where is home?

Simply, there is no home — at least not a physical one. Places are just that, places. They come and go. What matters is the people with whom I shared those places and the memories we built there.

The walls, the smells, the looks, the feelings — these are all just support for the memories. The essence lies in the people, not the physicalities.

Realizing that home can be anywhere is liberating. All it takes is a member of your tribe or even just peace of mind.

You make up your home, anywhere you go.