fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
sunday night
Tags: Pandemic, Depression, Suicide, Covid 19, Anxiety Attacks

Is happiness too much to ask for?

Here I am, sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, typing this as a last resort; I do not know who to talk to, and i dont want to feel like a burden to the people i cherish. I am bad at writing, you’ll probably see this for yourself, but here i am. i stare at myself in the mirror, seeing my screen reflect on my glasses. I see, but i can’t think. I can’t think of anything, i am struggling to keep my emotions in order like a bunch of hyper-active soldiers.

My name is jun. Like June, but without an e. I’m a person, but i’m lacking something. Something that i do not know. I will write down here my journey to find that thing. that one thing that will make me the happiest person on earth. Yet, I can’t stop thinking that even the richest person on earth is looking for it as well.

The year is 2020. A grim year, a killer year. The covid pandemic is thriving, unlike my professional career. Sure, I’m still a student, 6 months away from graduation, but still. I wish i could move forward in my life but it seems like the universe decided otherwise.

Anyways, who cares about this. I’m here to talk to you. I’m not the happiest person on earth, I can assure you. Maybe you aren’t, too. But I just want to tell you the things you’re surely dying to hear. The words I’m dying to hear from somebody i care about.

You are loved.

We care about you.

You are part of this universe.

Without you the world would feel wrong. Everything would feel wrong.

I love you.
Here Lies the Body of the Girl I Left Behind
Tags: Nonfiction, Progress, Poetry, Suicide, Reality

Her innocence is as sweet as the juice that oozes from a bite of a peach. Happiness is found deep in the cracks of her soul surrounded by the thick waves of joy and hope. You would imagine her to have a wide endearing smile that enchants the people that she meets, and you would be right. The thing is sadness runs in her blood flowing around her, but never consuming her whole. She thinks one day it might, it would take one good cut and it would pour out, spilling all around her. She had wanted it to, consume her that is, before she knew there was a word for that.

Children are selfish creatures. It’s not their fault that they don’t think about others around them, they just hadn’t learned that yet. She was no different. There was no thoughts of what she might leave behind or who, only action. So, she drunk the poison with little regret. It was disgusting, and the tang of it is tasted years later like it was etched on her tongue. That little selfish girl is buried deep behind the support of her mother, under carefully crafted thoughts that are imbued with encouragement, and the will to continue to add dirt to her grave. It has not been easy to mold yourself into a new person, to reject neon written thoughts that yell in your mind, or to pull yourself from the vacuum of despair and nothingness. It is worth it.

Her father made the mistake a couple years after she had tried. Although, he succeeded. I suppose I could write thousands of words to describe her grief, and her anger. Those are words that must be written at a later time. For now, just know that she’s dealing with it. Actually, she’s not, but it is a fact of life that she has come to accept, it’s a paradox that she’s still in shock.

That is the girl I left behind. She was a collision of confused antonyms, as am I, but where they left her dizzy and unsteady, they left me anchored, and in control. I am inspired by her, and she is the secret beneath my writings as I hope to be the same to the woman I become in the future.

I hope you like the stories I tell in the cemetery of the girl I left behind.

-KICKA
A Letter To My Brother
By: Ravyne Hawke
Tags: Letters, Anniversary, Poetry, Suicide, Death

I wonder if the words you tossed at me

when suicide had its grip upon my soul

muddled around in your mind

as you sat there, shotgun in hand —

Just don’t do it here

I don’t want to clean up that mess

I would have gone quietly

from too many pills and vodka —

a deadly cocktail before endless sleep

But not you, with your fiery personality

no, you had to go out with a bang!

You didn’t even think of your children

or the matter a shotgun blast would leave

Once I would have envied you —

How brave to make it to the end goal!

A place I am now thankful I never reached

It’s been a year since you pulled that trigger

How I wish you had heeded your advice to me

Not here — no one wants to clean that up

Instead, I’d prefer you to still be here

You — the beautiful mess I held so dear

© 2020 Lori Carlson. All Rights Reserved.
The Stone Collector
By: Rob Eggers
Tags: Sea, Flash Fiction, The Bad Influence, 50 Words, Suicide

50 WORDS

The Stone Collector

Photo by Timothy Perry on Unsplash

His pockets full to bulging, the material stretched and pulled as he climbed the ladder.

Standing on the edge of the pier, staring into the cold undulating sea below, he knew that today was not the day. He emptied his pockets and added his stones to the ever-growing collection.
Struggling
Tags: Suicide, Mental Health, Adhd, Software Development

In light of these…

I’m struggling

I hate this feeling of being alone, it scares me a lot more than death. For years I’ve lived alone in a shell, to find purpose I do a lot of things and drown myself in learning, work and recently cutting.

I know I’ve always struggled with feelings of loneliness and deep sadness, now more than ever I realize how much I need people and to recharge, sadly this isn’t the case for me cos I struggle with human connections. I feel lost a lot more than I can count.

The last couple of days have been difficult, I’m alone now more than ever, can’t help it. I’m sad very sad and for the first I wished everyone was gone and I could cut, cos like they say pain demands to be felt.

I dunno how long I can stay like this and even more how long I’d be lucky to escape being suicidal.

I don’t know what to do and even more how to react to a lot of things, it’s tiring and utterly draining. It’s been more than a week of constant migraine and yesterday I downed about 4 capsules of soudrex and 3 capsules of paracetamol, it took those to get my head back and it’s not just that. I still don’t get why I get headaches and why they are so severe, maybe it’s why I’m fatigued and mentally drained.

Its 2:02am and I think I’d lie down till sleep takes over if it will.
Desperately Shouting for Relief
By: Cm. Cancel
Tags: Poetry On Medium, Trigger Warning, Self Harm, Relapse, Suicide

Trigger warning — instances of substance and alcohol abuse, self harm, suicide.

Spring semester of freshman year,

I skipped breakfast with my friends and went

down to the counseling center.

I could barely remember the nights leading up,

but knew I felt dirty and I was running out

of places to hide the cuts and scratches.

For 10 weeks Dr. Judy spoke with me

of everything and nothing and way beyond.

I laughed, cried, finally felt seen for the first time

that I could ever fucking remember.

The deep, dark Chamber of Secrets opened up

spilled out with eyes shut so tight

like tiny pinpricks of despair.

Some darknesses children shouldn’t fight,

but I had to turn hidden corners, bloodied hand

against the wall with a flashlight that had

long gone out.

Eventually, of course, things have to end

and the sessions had to stop

and the psychiatrist couldn’t prescribe me affordability

and the very next night started a 3 month binge of barely

remembering nights and days

and the random bed warmers didn’t mention the marks

and only Captain was able to help me sail through the storms.

Later — 4 goodbye letters, 1 bottle of pills to kill

the headache of wanting to disappear every morning,

1 celebratory goodbye bottle and the god-forsaken metal

I’ve kept hidden for the big moment.

Twice I’d try and twice I’d fail and 1 entire decade later

I can finally afford the price of wanting so desperately

to live while fighting the ever-pressing need to die.
When The Angel Whispered By Sheila Maddox
By: Sheila Valerie
Tags: 2020, Suicide Prevention, Suicide, Love, Poem

When The Angel Whispered By Sheila Maddox

An Angel came to see me tonight and asked,

This is the question or choice you have been tasked.

Kind Lady, gentle soul, Leave with me.

Take shelter, better there, it will be.

I know you are weary, and life has been hard,

You may leave a note, a message or a card.

I want you to know that I have mercy,

You are not here, to worry about the hearsay.

I know that you have lost so many people this year,

Each one has been watching and waiting for you here.

They all hold love for you deep within,

Do you want old bones, muscles and skin?

How much would you prefer the self doubt and strife,

The uncompassionate world and this, hard knocks life?

Aren’t you sick of sick and tired of tired,

Do you ever get fed up and feel like your wired?

Do you get perturbed trying to please another?

Just over-whelmed with being a mother.

People, places and emotions,

Worldly issues across the oceans.

This is your decision, I leave it to you,

One more heavy soul quest I must ask, It’s true.

Make the choice now Dear, I need to know.

Would you like to come with me, I need to go?

I ponder and, think and I weigh and I sigh,

I toss and I turn while beginning to cry.

It has been tough, one hell of a year,

Go with my friend, see those I hold Dear.

Then like a wall of brick, it comes tumbling down,

The smile on my face was replaced with a frown.

I know what to say, what I must do.

I wake in the morning, I did it for YOU.
Julio
By: Ausubel Pichardo
Tags: Latin America, Poetry, Suicide, Love, Friendship

Picture taken by author

The nut tree was less grumpy and greener because of you.

Your ragged pants were a reminder of our poverty.

I can’t forget how that juice box toy car you made carried my whole heart on it.

Our palm fortress stood ciclones and hunger.

Your samurai rubber sandals walked on water, it was magic, like your Karate.

No hunger could take your light. Yes, light you were, light you remain.

I left home but didn’t abandon our love.

You never complained, never questioned my reasons.

Forgive me. I would had cut off the rope strangling your mulatto neck.

You should had told me.

Where are you now my friend?

Are angels gringos?

I got you that Power Ranger, the green one with the flute you liked. Remember?Is it warm there?

Se va la luz? How many mosquitoes have you splashed today?

None?

I am not upset, it is alright, these tears are just sand from Boca Chica.

You know that men don’t cry. Right?

I heard that it is peaceful up there. I don’t hear you complaining yet.

What was your last name again?

I want to see the grave and touch the cold stone.

Look at you! With a name engraving and everything.

Yes, Julio, I will be quiet and smile like you taught me to.

My mom says hola. She thinks you are now in good company.

I miss you though, I always have.

Come and visit at night.

I will read you my poems.
The Quest for Peace (II)
By: Fọlábòmí Àmọ Ó
Tags: Depression, Mental Health, Poetry, Suicide, Death

I tried

to find peace

but this fictional thing

kept eluding me

I tried

to find hope

but the world

had none left

to give

I tried

to get help

but everyone

I turned to

seemed to be masking

their own tears

I tried

to stop the pain;

to make it

go away

But it always seemed

to find a home

in my heart

I tried

to stay alive

but the thoughts

in my head

tasted victory

today.
MEMIKIRKAN CARA UNTUK MATI DI KAMAR KOS 2x3 METER
Tags: Fiksi Mini, Cerita Pendek, Suicide, Depresi, Cerita

in In Bitcoin We Trust
DEPRESSION “IS IT REAL”
Tags: Suicide Awareness, Suicide Prevention, Depression, Mental Illness, Suicide

DEPRESSION “IS IT REAL”

By:- Kaladarshi

“Are you mad?” “Don’t over react!” Lines which depressed people generally faces. We all use this term “depression” to look cool in today’s self loving world. But we never faced these issues nor we tried to console someone who’s going through this. In today’s world if some random person stops talking with us we started feeling depressed. Our parents scolded us and we started feeling depressed. We don’t say anything like this with other decease ,then why with depression? It’s because we don’t take depression as deceased! We don’t take it seriously.

If i have to explain depression to someone and I’m depressed I can’t explain to him unlike other deceases. Because the main symptom of depression is that only. We can’t get social but people expect us to do so. People expect us to feel like them, to think like them, to enjoy like them but we simply can’t. An ill people can’t feel the same way as a healthy people. But people don’t understand this just because they don’t consider depression as an illness.

The fear of society, the fear of being alone kills people enterally and everyone keeps dying but can’t do anything.Globally, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression.Depression can lead to suicide. Close to 800 000 People die due to suicide each year. There are total 9 type of depression:-

Major depression

Persistent depression

Bipolar disorder

Depressive psychosis

Perinatal depression

PMDD

Seasonal depression

Situational depression

Atypical depression

Most common symptoms of depression are

Feeling alone|Mood like crying| Weight loss|Less sleep|Unsocial thoughts|Lack of interest in everything| Dislike rush and crowds| feeling low energetic|And the most important and deadly is thought of suicide|

There are many people like us who are suffering from this thing and happily its easily curable with some medical advices, maybe medicines, with some motivation from well wishers and most importantly our own will power of getting over it. There are many helpline numbers provided by govt. in their own respective countries for us. We just have to step up, talk to them, fight and show the rest of the world that YES, WE CAN AND WE WILL.

Contact me at :- kaladarshi1605@gmail.com
Bridge
By: K. Chapman
Tags: Engineering, New Mexico, Suicide, Rio Grande, Loss

A poem

View from Highway 522 between Taos and Red River, NM. Photo by author

You took me to the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge on the day we bought books

I took photographs with my large zoom lens down into the canyon, bracing myself against the dazzling vertigo

In every direction the expansive canyon drop breaks wider with rocks that feel sharp even at a distance

Evolution must have made the brain lean away from a fall that far, knowing at the same time that no fall is coming

The anticipation of what could happen is too much; it is good to go with someone whose hand is nearby

We crossed from one side to the other, railing to railing, as the water below flowed further away, a dripping blue trickle

You kept walking away as I stopped, entranced and furrowed in the wind, speechless; you had been to the bridge before

Of all the pictures I took, the one I most wanted to keep was a scrawl on a suicide prevention payphone that said You’re not alone

The graffiti of surely former lovers was everywhere, but the plea to live held me in one spot.

That night I accidentally deleted all the photos from the day.

When we got back, I asked you for your bridge pictures, but you did not send them.

We do not speak now that you realized you do not love me.

When you drove past Chimayo, and you would not stop, I think I knew.
Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work Unless Your Mind Does
By: Khadejah Jones
Tags: Self Improvement, Mental Health, Suicide, Self, Self-awareness

Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work Unless Your Mind Does

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

My sister’s friend is suicidal right now. I don’t say that for shock value, it’s just a situation I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. On top of her mental health, she’s spiraling out of control. She has a sister who also isn’t in a good place mentally and they both live together.

They’ve both been getting cheap plane tickets flying around the country will-nilly. Going out to bars and losing their ID’s only to have something potentially terrible happen to them.

I started wondering why they’re doing this. We went to high school with these girls and they were very successful musicians. It was obvious they’d be great music teachers after they graduated high school. At first, we were hesitant to say anything because we didn’t think it would help. After all, we’re not life coaches.

But then it crossed my mind that you don’t have to be a life-coach to prevent a friend from losing their life.
In a small house with white walls explaining how your father took his life
By: Electrique Sunshine
Tags: Hippies, First Memory, Stoned, Suicide, Fathers

Hippie family farm house crash

You needed comfort you I think. Looking at you, long hair, slight femmish beard Adams apple very large for my point of view, and the tears welling, sobbing.

Now knowing what to do and feeling bad. I put my hand on you back but I only could get it on your side. You were too big or I think my hand was too small, I kept saying you were ok rhetorically.

We were in a farm house in San Ysidro. Very dry, dusty area with a set of grain silos and a large field towards the border. We were in a house that looked like it was dumped there, the linoleum floor was a layer thin. Lis, my mother, had transformed it in to a rustic hippie spot with low tables and pillows instead of chairs. It was really bare, Sergio Leone.

Knelling semi Indian style on a pillow on the floor, you took your glasses of and held the brim of your nose while you cried. You sobbed more actuary, honking.

You said your dad had called you, it was going to be his birthday soon. He sounded lonely too me. You said you felt very bad for not visiting him, I asked why you didn’t? You said you didn’t know, that you wanted to smoke some pot with friends and you didn’t call him back.

Later he pulled up his plumbing van to the edge of the train tracks, you said another car pulled up behind him. It looked like your dad was gunning to make it across the track before the train came by but his wheel got stuck.

Hearing all of this, it was like it came out in one breath or my breath came out of me. I felt dizzy.

Then the train hit the van you said, you said it hit the van on the corner of the bumper and it flipped the car up, tore off the roof like a can, Terry flew out and broke his neck and, according to the police, died instantly.

When the police called, you said you were stoned and drove to the accident site. Terry’s tools hand flung all around. All the tools he had collected all of his life you said. You took one of his plumbing wrenches.

You said you had wished you’d called him back or went to visit him.
Fresh Grief
By: Precious Soma
Tags: Grief, Suicide, Grief And Loss, Death, Hope

Fresh Grief

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

You are LOVED unconditionally

And without limit.

You are LOVED more deeply than your soul can reach the stars.

You are LOVED in all the dark and scary places of your mind.

You are LOVED in all the brilliance of the sun and moon and stars and galaxies combined.

You are LOVED by those who hate you.

You are LOVED by those who know you.

You are LOVED by those you cannot know.

You need to hear and know that RIGHT NOW

YOU ARE LOVED.

It is okay to be in darkness.

It is okay to feel pain.

It is okay to feel isolation.

You are perfect right now.

YOU ARE LOVED.

Crack the window to your soul.

Let in a little light.

YOU ARE LOVED.

Shine a tiny spark — it will reach us.

Shine a tiny spark — it will add its light to the world.

Shine a tiny spark — it will call in the light of the universe.

It will lift you and support you.

YOU ARE LOVED.

When you cannot control the dark — you are loved.

When you choose to leave this place — you are loved.

When you are left behind by another — you are loved.

When your world feels over — you are loved.

When you cannot shine your light — you are loved.

When the distance is real for you — you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVED.

When the sun comes up — you are loved.

When the moon goes down — you are loved.

When the sun goes down — you are loved.

When the moon comes up — you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVED.

You are loved across the oceans.

You are loved beyond the mountains.

You are loved.

You are loved.

You are loved.

I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.
Hungry
By: Lexus Ndiwe
Tags: Suicide Prevention, Self, Blue Insights, Suicide, Life Lessons

Every morning after brushing my teeth, I would nail a smile to my face. When asked how I was, I would reply with, “I am doing good, thank you. And you?” But as the pain accumulated inside my chest, I could no longer play pretend.

Constant trips to the doctors. Tests after tests. Pills after pills, the dosages increasing. Nothing seemed able to numb it. I had heard of people whose hearts had been broken. What I did not know was that you could cause yourself your own personal brand of heart pain. It was my head causing it. Maybe I thought I deserved it?

The person you should trust the most became my worst enemy. I realised that I was fighting a battle with myself. It is funny. Despite all the things going on, I still felt hungry. I still had the rest of my life ahead of me. I had not even reached adulthood yet. Why had my life stopped now? So, I began on a mission to regain myself. Not the old me, but the future one yet to exist. Because that version of myself still had a chance to change.

Looking in the mirror, I imagine that I am staring at that self. I greet the reflection, hoping to meet the real one, one day. In the same space that tried to destroy that possibility. I will turn my mind into a haven. Lock its negativity behind doors. And build a railway, so that my train of thought travels to a positive destination. So if you ask the present me if there is anything left, I would reply, “Yes, of course there is.”

I have not even shown half of me. Maybe not even a quarter of it. And besides, I am still hungry.
Can computer kill
By: Vishnu Sandhi
Tags: Technology, Teachers, Distress, Suicide, Andhra Pradesh

I read a story today. A primary school headmaster killed himself by burning himself with petrol. The reason is his inability to cope with pressure of using computer which were mandated by his higher officials.

The goal of using technology is to help people, but why is the computers are causing lot of stress which are leading to sucides.

Imagine you are in your fifties and doing a job like teaching kids for most of your life and there is a great pressure to digitize everything. The amount of experience you have is not going to save you.

The accounts or auditing details which were used to write in note books might be going to be online. There is pressure from higher officials on the details not present in the system. The trust deficiency in Indians are taking shape to this kind of apps using the computers and helding people accountable for not using it.

We can easily say one has to skill up in this modern world.

Is the fault always lies in the people who were not able to use technology?

Can the people who design this systems can do better job by taking into consideration the user who don’t know how to use computer?

I have exprerinced lot of stress while visiting my relatives place which is adjacent to my house. The watchmen of apartments are asking to install a app and show a pass code when I am going to visit my relatives house. Even I visit there 10 times a day, they ask me to show passcode. Imagine the kind of stress it adds for people who are not using smart phones and treated as thugs who are trying to enter a place which are forbidden.

There is nothing wrong with using technology. But my conern how the technologies occupied central place instread of solving problems. I think technology is used as watch dogs to control by apartment owners and government officials.

I think the reason is not everyone is taken into account when designing a system. A process should not be biased for people who know how to use computer. Technologies should make life simple for everyone but not include only young and discounting the old. And more importantly technologies should not be forced on people.

https://www.eenadu.net/crime/newsarticle/general/0302/120153294

The article is in telugu. You can use the google translate if you are not familiar with telugu.
Suicide is not an option, it never is!
By: Giselle Evanovich
Tags: Depression, Strength, God, Suicide, Death

It’s a a tough time for me right now, I feel like I have lost when I have not even fought the battle yet. I am depressed right now and I know it’s a phase, I just need to stay strong it will pass too.

I don’t want to die, I want to live.

But the situation I am caught up in, doesn’t seem to have a solution, and dying seems to be the only way out of it.

I have hold up for too long, but now I can’t. It’s just too much for me.

I am a firm believer that God doesn’t give you only the amount of pain you can bear, guess he is really testing my limits, but then something better he has in reserve for me.

I am strong .💪

Come what may.
The Connection Between Unemployment and Suicide
By: Painted Brain
Tags: Depression, Covid 19, Suicide

Unemployment can be caused by numerous events and circumstances. However, no matter the cause, the outcome for most remains the same. Losing the stability and security that coincides with employment can lead to many adverse effects for people, the gravest being suicide.



The United States is currently dealing with one of its highest rates of unemployment because of the COVID-19 pandemic. According to the Pew Research Center, the U.S. unemployment rate increased from 3.8% in February to 13.0% by May. With this level of unemployment, it is easy to focus on the greater economic problem for the country as a whole. However, it is equally as important to address the social impact that this rise in unemployment is having on individuals. Moreover, we need to notice the alarming similarities between the effects of unemployment on individuals and risk factors for suicide.



Across research, unemployment is associated with an increased risk for suicide to at least some degree. Various studies list differing statistics regarding the level at which suicide is connected to unemployment rates. Murphy and Athansou’s 1999 meta-analysis found that 14 out of 16 studies showed a significant negative association between unemployment and mental health. It is difficult to directly point to unemployment as the cause of suicide because of the individual and contextual factors that are also at play.
The Beauty of Authenticity and Being Real
By: Joana G - Men Choosing Safety
Tags: Suicide, Mental Health, Men, Hope

As we approach the Christmas season, we are aware that a number of countries and cities are still in full or partial lock down. We wouldn’t be doing ourselves any favors if we say that we’re doing OK, when in reality we are not. The Covid-19 pandemic has brought up a number of uncertainties, challenges and radical changes globally never foreseen before. The press and media are increasingly reporting on the toll of lockdown on people’s mental health and how people are struggling to cope. There is no shame in admitting our struggles first to ourselves. Being transparent and honest with ourselves is the first step to recovery in my opinion. Let’s remove the stigma and the shame today. There is innate strength and courage when we are upfront and honest with ourselves about our struggles. We are humans after all -aren’t we?

The fact that you are reading this blog, tells me that you are an Overcomer, and that you are more than a Conqueror. You will finish this year strong. You have a hope and a future.

No matter what struggles you have faced this year, no matter the battles you have fought during this season, you, my friend are a Warrior. You got up today — didn’t you.. You are reading this blog. Just by you being here is a victory and a win itself. Don’t you agree? You showed up for you and you showed up for your loved ones. Celebrate your wins, however minuscule.

My hope and prayer is that if you are struggling that you will reach out to a family member, or a close friend, or even the Samaritans. There is beauty and strength in being real.

Let me conclude by saying that there is ONE who truly knows what we are going through now. God understands our struggles. He only asks that we come to Him in prayer, where will be treated with kindness and where we can find help in our time of need.

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, Therefore let us approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need” — Hebrews, 4:15–16
To Live or Try Dying
By: S. Angell
Tags: Self Improvement, Life, Health, Suicide, Life Lessons

It is no surprise that life is hard and we must weigh that against the payoffs we receive from attaining our goals and satisfying our needs, but do we place too much value on the prize, our satisfaction, and not enough on the sometimes arduous journey that we take to get there?

When I look back on the entirety of the forty-some years I have lived on this earth, I can see a constant struggle, speckled with points in time when I reached a goal or learned something new and achieved some level of enlightenment along the way. I do not think I follow linear paths that result in monumental achievements. Does anyone? Is it possible that our grand achievements exist in the lessons we learn along the way?

It is easy to look at someone else’s life and admire what they have achieved, but we do not see the other side, the journey they took to get where they are, and we cannot peek into their private lives to see the difficulties they still face.

According to Rudolf Steiner, the early 20th century philosopher and founder of Anthroposophy, the value of our lives can be quantified by how much pain we can accept to feel pleasure. He indicates that pain is inevitable and pleasure is not a guarantee. He believes life satisfaction is solely based on whether we live with purpose and that our purpose is found in what motivates us to get up every day and live, and our ability to create something tangible from our inner motivations to contribute to the greater good of society.

When we feel depressed, we are essentially experiencing the separation of our bodies from our soul lives, our ability to live in the truth of who we are, what I identify as our soul life or soul purpose. We temporarily forget our purpose. We have so many external demands in our lives, it can be difficult to remain present and true to ourselves. This can create the illusion that we are frozen in time or stuck in a rut, a temporary death. Once we refocus on our priorities and rediscover our purpose, we feel renewed or born again.

Individuals who have thoughts of suicide, I believe, are locked in a state of perpetual rewind. They cannot see a way out from under the prison they have built in their minds. External forces have corrupted their internal dialogue and thus the separation of body and soul enters a state of temporary death. Without a healthy psychological state of mind and immediate external support systems, a choice to end one’s existence plays into the equation.

We are truly complex beings and our minds can be feeble when we lack the skills to cope with balancing pain and pleasure. I believe mindfulness, healthy patterns of behavior, external support systems, self-reflection, and refocusing our priorities are the keys to living in our truth and fulfilling our purpose. Most of all, get up every day and do something healthy that makes you feel good.
Do you know in Iraq 80% of suicides are women?
By: Kate Garcia
Tags: Middle East, War, Suicide, Iraq, Women

Yes, It is true in Iraq women’s are the most who suicide

Nearly 600 people who took their own lives in Iraq in 2019, 80% were women with over 1,000 recorded suicide attempts. The growing number of cases in Iraq indicates an average of 1 suicide death and 3 attempts per day.

A Key component in suicide prevention in Iraq, is improving the accessibility of health services. It is fundamental to build capacity, ensure quality of care of health services, increase awareness and advocacy on mental health and tracking stigma.

by Dr Emad Abdulrazaq

Iraqi’s Ministry of Health

Iraq has suffered years of turmoil as a result of economic mismanagement, numerous wars and internal divisions.

I hope government of Iraq takes an initiative to make things better specially with women's.
Suicide, Facts, and Depression
By: Humanity Prime
Tags: Suicide Squad, Suicide Awareness, Suicide Prevention, Suicide, Suicide Girls

Thoughts of suicide is most likely the worst type of depression. Suicide is “ The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself.” (See Sources Below)

Suicide is considered the highest level of depression, usually thoughts leading to death. This sign of depression was the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, taking the lives of 30,622 people in 2001 alone. It outnumbered homicide 3 to 2. 55 percent of suicides were committed with a firearm and it is said that the older the person, the more likely they are to commit suicide. This form of depression was the 8th leading cause of death of males, and 19th death of females.

So what are some risk factors and possible signs of this depression? Take a look at them:

* Previous suicide attempt(s)

* History of mental disorders, particularly depression

* History of alcohol and substance abuse

* Family history of suicide

* Family history of child maltreatment

* Feelings of hopelessness

* Impulsive or aggressive tendencies

* Barriers to accessing mental health treatment

* Loss (relational, social, work, or financial)

* Physical illness

* Easy access to lethal methods

* Unwillingness to seek help because of the stigma attached to mental health and substance abuse disorders or suicidal thoughts

* Cultural and religious beliefs — for instance, the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma

* Local epidemics of suicide

* Isolation, a feeling of being cut off from other people

(See Sources Below)

As to most depressions, there are solutions. Suicide has prevention strategies as well. The NCIPC came up with this one as seen on their site-”This strategy results from collaboration among several federal agencies (including CDC), coalitions, community-based organizations, practitioners, and other partners. As conceived, the National Strategy for suicide prevention support and resources in NJ requires a variety of organizations and individuals to become involved in suicide prevention. The NSSP emphasizes coordination of resources and the application of culturally appropriate services at all levels of government — federal, state, tribal and community — and in the private sector. The NSSP represents the first U.S. attempt to prevent suicide through such a coordinated approach. Information about NSSP is available from the Department of Health and Human Services website.”
25 Warning Signs Someone May Be Suicidal
Tags: Suicide, Mental Health

We lose over 800,000 people per year to suicide. It is the 10th biggest cause of death worldwide.

Two of the leading factors that contribute to suicide is isolation and feeling like a burden.

Speaking up when suicidal isn’t ‘seeking attention’.

Having mental health issues doesn’t make you ‘weak’.

If you think someone you know may be suicidal, here are 25 warning signs you should look out for:

Increased use of alcohol or drugs Talking about wanting to die Talking about existential things e.g “what’s the point of life?” Talking as if others would be better off without them They’ve socially withdrawn all of a sudden They appear in “survival mode” e.g hypersensitive to “small” irritations “Pushing themselves” in a self-destructive way Displaying extreme mood swings They’ve talked about ways to die / kill themselves Talking about being a burden to others They have said they don’t know how much longer they can go on They’ve experienced a concerning amount of grief / suffering whilst going through a difficult life transition They’ve said they don’t see a way out of a difficult experience they’re having Behaving recklessly Struggling to find meaning in life / the things they used to Talking hopelessly about the future They have practiced “self-harm” They are experiencing a lot of distress reliving trauma Talking about feeling trapped / suffocated / smothered e.g by responsibilities or suffering They keep saying how much they want to stop suffering Expressing strong amounts of self-hatred They have stated life is pointless They can’t envision a future they want to live in They feel as if no one cares what happens to them Expressing extreme loneliness and isolation

Please reach out to anyone who has shown these signs. It could save their life. 💛

Share to raise awareness and help

#SuicidePrevention

Written by Antiona Kleopa — Knotful Content Partner

Antonia Kleopa is an Actress / Writer from London with a Greek-Cypriot background. She writes stage plays as well as poetry and is an advocate for mental health and well-being.

Insta: @antonia_kleo & @uncensored_poetry
The Sunny Winters Adventure
Tags: Poetry On Medium, Abstract, Abstract Expressionism, Suicide, Fun

His steps glided over a cold mist as he walked barefoot towards a deeper gloom. His pockets holed, left unborthered and untouched leaking sunshine till there wasn’t much more. His eyes saw colour, perceived in a single grey, rid of all joy and pleasure. Helter skelter go the voices, dreamy eyes waiting to shut forcing him close, skin and bone, flesh and mind waiting to be broken. Don’t mind, give way, the body might just obey pumping submission yet persistent in vain. Hope’s a dream he’d wish he would feel, lie down and hope for in eternal sleep. He does lie down and try to control his muscle, relax them, hold them completely and make em give way become one with nothing and leave body and spirit but the fist in his chest stubbornly forces his stay, pumping raging on in pure disdain. wake up another day wake up another day wake up another wake up another day wake up another day wake up another day

He raises himself up looking into the back of his palm above the ground he’s so close to making it away, silence breaks the cold, a flick of the knees, a crack in the air, a thud on the floor, a groan followed by a careless creaking in the wind. pale skin cold strains a smile.
This is not a cry for help- i think
By: Kofoworola Odozi
Tags: Suicide Awareness, Depression, Anxiety, Mental Health, Suicide

This is not a cry for help- i think

Suicide isn't the answer

Until it is

Until it answer all the numerous questions

That linger on your lips

Until it tells all your relatives

About the demons you see in your sleep

Suicide isn't the answer, until it is

Until you fall, jump, leap off a building

That no one understood why you visited so often

They didn't know you were counting the steps

Calculating the velocity; how quickly you would have to run. For your death to be painless

Suicide isn't the answer

Until it is

Until they understand how premeditated

This is

How your departure had been your wildest dream

For the longest of time

It was all you could see

Suicide isn't the answer

Until it is

Until it absolves them of the pain

The one you bring

Until it absolves you of the anguish

The one they inflict

Suicide isn't the answer

Until it is

A gift

A sin

A far-fetched thing

Suicide isn’t the answer

Until you’re six feet under

Taking thier worries with you.

- kofoworola
Emotional mess 01
By: Tayo Ogunnaike
Tags: Depressed Poem, Depression, Emotions, Overdose, Suicide

Emotional mess 01

I tried it today

The sharp edge on my skin

And it was shit

Too painful, Too slow

Too messy

I think the best way is

the tiny tablets of nothingness

Enough to spill from my palm

Enough to wipe my mind

Like a reset

Clean and quick

The best ways are the cleanest

A roller coaster with a blank end

I will think no more

And be haunted no more

I will be no more

And isnt that the sweetest dream
She tried to kill herself.
By: Nick Bachur
Tags: Holidays, Hopelessness, Suicide, Covid 19, Hope

Family

By mutual consent they decided to make her the scapegoat. Her narcissist mother, her Cinderella sister jealous of her talents, and the insane brother-in-law relegated to a life all alone by his own family’s excommunication.

Like an ass, I’ve told her many times to remove herself as much as possible from them, the manure piles they build and relish rolling in like escaped hounds. These piles, always strategically placed for her, and for our family, to step in. It’s so obvious to give advice. I get tired of cleaning up the mess. Why should I always have to avoid their shit?

I see avoidance and no contact as the only solution. Except for my angry cry at the Universe to get even, hoping they die, putting my own soul in peril, I strain to identify the upside.

Help

She knew she needed help. A call to her doctor. A call to her lawyer, “Make them knock it off!” A call to anyone for help. Everyone is too busy. It must be the COVID. No one returns to assist in her scream of despair. Finally a call to the hotline. An advocate listens for a minute and “Sorry, could you hold?” Eight minutes later they return with “I’ll have to get back to you.”

I return home and she is inconsolable. She took too many and she knows it.

Rescue

After getting some truth through the sobs, I help her manage a temporary, shaky recovery. We must be stronger than those jackasses. We must survive. Oh please let us survive. It’s bad enough to be attacked and abused but when it is by those you have always helped, those you are closest to by blood, it can be fatal. To those of you who are under pressure during these extraordinary times, recognize the need for help and reach out for rescue.
I can relate to your sharing.
By: Victor Nguyen
Tags: Suicide, Mental Health, Psychology

I can relate to your sharing. I read 2 stories by now. On a good day, I also have the feeling of suicide, I want to end my life when I feel good, rather than when I’m hopeless. I mean, I want control over the situation… Btw, I had suicidal thought at 14 years old. I just thought of suicide a few hours ago, impulsively (jumping from the bridge). I find sympathy & hope from your article. Thank you.
Wind-blown
By: John Edward Marks, Jem
Tags: Memories, Blue Insights, Poetry, Young Man, Suicide

Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash

Moments of the past do not last

days kicked into the long grass

A warm early-summer’s day

gold petals into bloom today.

For God’s sake!

stormy-autumn comes

later, flurries of snow melt

into a body without heat

Frozen snow above

tumbling-heaps of red, gold, brown

that used to crisp-crackle underfoot

like old ghosts who lose their threads,

Druggies: their fragile, thin

eyes like skin

echo the savage-silent-dead

of memories-lost, nights storm-tossed inside a head .

Dust-motes float,

like gossamer,

webs

soon, we’ll all be dead.

stones glitter in the rain

Words you thought, but never said,

misrule-is-not-misled,

the very eye of the storm

the vortex:

a moment of calm,

Old-ghosts finally-fled,

into the very heart of the storm

gripped by chapped, red-raw hands

cast into lost-time’s silent beating drum
Mania
By: Lailani Gibson
Tags: Mental Health, Bipolar, Help, Suicide, Love

Mania

Everything round me feeling gold

But my love turns to mold

Rotted flesh contrived by my mind

Burnt bridges brought

Projection preaching reaching to find

my loves understanding

Fore I die

Just leave me for you’re due.

Before you see me a fool

For my human rays

And my quick to craze

Too difficult to love

Too sad too mad

Rough rocky roads

Trench broken tears, go

Erratic rainy days

Whatever my brain brings

Which way will the weather go

I never know

feeling like a dildo

Got me fucked in the head

Can you handle my shine

Or would you rather be dead

Bipolar daddy dancing

Constantly controlled

consumed created madness

By disoriented episodes

I only fuck with hoes

Who got fucked in the head

Beat bashed gimme brain

Bloody bang

My pussys wondering

Can you drive the boat

As my mind flies off the cliff

Can you handle it?

Or will you be a bitch

End up in a ditch

6ft under my minds bipolar

Reality flowing fake delusions

No one to avail

No where to run

Trapped in the eye

Tornado blown

No one to find

My lifeless corpse

Dead and alone

I FEEL SO ALIVE

Dizzy in the mind

Faint fawn falling casted

Through time and space

I catch my heart

I take that shit to the face

Here I stand

My Black body,

Beat broke burned

Flesh mutilated by my mind

EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO FINE

Now I am lost

Which well will water

My planted seeds

My manmade misfortune

Miscalculated mistakes

Created by my mind

Casted down

Losing time

Watch me as I find

happy shit Grind

Master my soul

Feel so fine

Free my mind

Free my mind

Feeling alive
Solving for ‘Why’ and WTF
By: J.A. Carter-Winward
Tags: Pharmaceuticals Industry, Black Box Warning, Mental Health, Prescription Drugs, Suicide

(Rated PG-13 for one rude word. But if that one rude word is more offensive than the other stuff, then I can’t help you.)

© J.A. Carter-Winward

I had a Jr. High math teacher who told me I was “just one of those people who couldn’t do math.”

Looking back, I wish I had said, “Maybe you’re just one of those people who shouldn’t have been a teacher?” I went on to prove him wrong in a brief college stint, where I took math and aced my classes because it occurred to me that the underpinnings of his assertion were that I lacked reason, critical thinking skills, and the ability to follow basic logical premises.

Once, speaking with a guy who has pretty severe Asperger’s and who struggled with being ‘too left-brained,’ I was told my logical abilities were “kind of scary.”

Now, there’s a small, evil part of my brain that wants to find that math teacher and say, “See? Suck on that, Mr. Johnson.”

But. That would be illogical, and face it, unproductive. The point? I love math. I love learning math. I am not naturally gifted at math, but I’m gifted in the ability to see the underpinnings of why math is such an important skill to have, no matter what you do for a living or how you choose to live your life.

Even if, when it comes to math, you’re “all thumbs,” tell me — how many times have you had a gut instinct that said, “This just doesn’t add up”? Because when something “adds up,” it makes sense, doesn’t it?

So, I wonder if they teach math in med school at all? I wonder, because it seems their ability to say “this just doesn’t add up” seems not only compromised, it seems downright absent.

This is especially true regarding the first-line treatment for people who report they are in pain — emotional pain — to their doctors. Pain, anxiety, distress. Or they feel deeply depressed, or feel their moods are out of control, especially when their marriage is on the line and they’ve received a lay-diagnosis from the person they love, to ‘go get help,’ or maybe they need to be ultra-steady to fit in their social constructs, like their job or communities, among other things.

So this is a kind of simple “story problem” if you will. Don’t get distracted, now. And we’ll be using a variant of the transitive mathematical property — don’t panic, if you don’t like math or think you’re one of those people who can’t “do” math, trust me. I think you’ll be able to really grasp how important this equation is. How vital.

Are you ready? Here goes.