Why Using Words Like Always and Never Diminishes the Impact of Your Message
By: Rebecca Shepard
Tags: Self Improvement, Writing Tips, Writers On Medium, Writers On Writing, Word Choice

Why Using Words Like Always and Never Diminishes the Impact of Your Message

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

Writers tend to stick with prose that’s aimed at eliciting specific behavior from the reader. Whether we’re asking them to think, change a habit, or applaud our work, we’re telling them a story in exchange for something. Unfortunately, when we apply this formula heavy-handedly, we risk becoming transactional and rigid.

A good example of this is when writers abuse time-based adverbs (always, never) and modal auxiliary verbs (must, should). It’s trendy to weave them into eye-grabbing headlines, which is the written equivalent of a tired, over-used infomercial CTA tactic: Act Now! While Supplies Last! Don’t Miss Out!

Admonishments disguised as opinions or subject-matter expertise aren’t actually helpful — they’re taxing to read. When we use adverbs like always and never, we tell our audience that we know better. We imply that they must take action urgently (e.g., click, remove, start, stop, change, quit, end), setting a rigid tone that discourages thought, interpretation, and healthy debate.

It’s also popular to use verbs like must, should, and shouldn’t, but they generally serve no other purpose than to weigh down our writing with off-putting faux-authority and an inappropriate sense of urgency.

The best writing is encouraging

“…observe due measure; moderation is best in all things” ~Hesoid

Though the theory holds for most genres, the authoritative writing style seems especially inappropriate within the self-help genre. Readers of personal growth content seek validation, helpful advice, and support; the last thing they need is pressure to add, subtract, or change their behavior or else.

If we’re writing life hacks, we’re encouraging self-improvement. The optimal word here is encouraging. The human condition exists in infinite shades of gray. Any attempt to box us in with a one-size-fits-all, black-and-white solution disrespects our uniqueness and does a disservice to the process of achieving healthy self-acceptance, which is what fuels personal growth.

We gain more authority when we adopt an encouraging tone because we plant seeds of ideas instead of foisting directives upon our readers. We take them on a journey of self-discovery with helpful prompts they can apply to their individual circumstances.

Why using ‘always’ and ‘never’ undermines our work

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It’s a slippery slope. This habit is ingrained in us, and it’s hard to break because it works. It’s the reader’s desperate need to fix something that motivates them to find solution-oriented content. They want a quick fix or an explanation. Our authoritative tone gives them hope that they’ve finally found an answer.

That’s precisely why we are duty-bound to tell stories with humility. It doesn’t matter if the advice is well-meaning, and we’re positive it will help — we use our keyboards as weapons of superiority when we preach with absolutes in this genre.

Ask any salesperson, and they’ll tell you, a consultative approach is usually more effective than pressure selling. When you push for the close, you’ll likely get the sale, but it will cost you the opportunity to create a longer-term relationship. It’s a one-and-done transaction. You fizzle out. The relationship has no space for trust-building.

Why is this relevant to our writing? We sell our ideas in every story we write. We want readers to choose us, so we craft headlines that draw them in. We’re told to infuse the first few sentences with attention-grabbing text. You’re selling, and I’m selling. But when we regularly rely on clickbait headlines or extreme language to gain readers, we run the risk of losing their trust and loyalty. It’s exhausting to absorb strong-minded content, especially in the self-help genre.

How we misuse authoritative text when we give advice

Here are some examples of advice delivered in two ways. We can easily see how the difference in tone affects urgency and suggests a certain level of authority:

Authoritative: Never eat right before bed.

Never eat right before bed. Helpful: Studies suggest that eating within three hours of bedtime may interrupt healthy sleep patterns.

With the authoritative sentence, I feel pressure to conform. The helpful sentence encourages me to explore how my habit of eating late might be why I suffer from insomnia. When we use an authoritative tone, we often provide proof that our advice is based on fact. We’re likely to see links to research or other articles that support our position. This is fine, but I’d venture to guess that we can find research to support just about any claim if we look hard enough.

Isn’t it better to suggest? Well-researched suggestions on subjective topics, like those we see in self-help stories, are easier to absorb.

Sometimes authoritative text is appropriate

The paradox is, I’m suggesting that you never use the word ‘always’ and always avoid using the word ‘never,’ but it’s equally extreme to advise eliminating these words. After all, the very suggestion supports exactly what I’m advising against in the first place. I’d be guilty of attempting to exercise authority over your writing.

Early in my Medium days, I published this piece:

Improvement #14 reads, “End The Day Happy. Before your eyes close each night, you must work toward contentment. Happiness isn’t a constant state of glee. Happiness is contentment. What happened today that felt good? Recognize your strides and let those things be your last thoughts before drifting off to sleep.”

Yes, we must work toward contentment, but have I justified using ‘must’ because I modified it with ‘work toward’? I’m not sure I’d change it in a rewrite, but could this phrasing send the message too urgently? Am I indirectly admonishing people whose mindset won’t allow them to embrace contentment?

As writers, it’s our job to carefully choose and use our words to convey the intended meaning but avoid a pain-based response. If we carefully monitor the use of strong, action-oriented, potentially shame-inflicting verbiage, we create informative content that achieves its desired purpose: helping people.