What I Learned After Having Coffee With A Homeless Man Named Rob
By: Jon Peters
Tags: Humanity, Homeless, Society

What I Learned After Having Coffee With A Homeless Man Named Rob

How watching the world from three feet closer to the ground gave me a different perspective on people.

“Some people are bastards”. — Rob

When I started work this morning, I never expected that I would end my day sat on the cold pavement, sipping black coffee with a man I’d just met, listening to him to say those exact words quoted above. But that’s exactly what happened.

Rob was sat on a folded blanket outside a pasty* shop when I met him, his back against the stone wall, a handful of coins spread out in front of him. He greeted me as I approached, not by asking me if I had any spare change, but by saying ‘Good afternoon mate.’ I’ll be honest, it surprised me and it stopped me in my tracks. He didn’t ask me for money, but I pulled out my wallet and checked for any change I might have had. It was empty, but he didn’t mind. Instead, he seemed genuinely happy that someone had taken the time to acknowledge his existence. I introduced myself and we shook hands, and before I knew it I was sat beside him, coffee cup in hand, discussing topics ranging from Brexit to my Criminology degree and almost everything in between.

The Stigma Against Homelessness

Homelessness is something that most of us will never experience but at the same time is something we witness almost every day. I can barely imagine not having a warm bed to crawl into at the end of the day or the uncertainty of not knowing where my next meal would come from. I’m not going to sit here and preach that I give money or food to every homeless person I walk by and I don’t volunteer my time at the local soup kitchen. But I do have the common courtesy to treat the homeless like the people they are. Because even in the brief time that I spent with Rob, watching the world go by from the pavement allowed me to witness just how apathetic and downright rude people can be towards the homeless.

A man walked past us whilst we were chatting and Rob looked at him, smiled and offered him a friendly greeting. He may as well have been talking to thin air. The man didn’t respond, didn’t look down, didn’t acknowledge that there were two human beings sat a few feet away from him. He just carried on walking. This happened numerous times while I was sat there. Now I’m not a confrontational person by any means, but the way Rob was being so blatantly ignored time and time again pissed me off. I ended up calling out to one couple as the walked by and asked why they had ignored him. They didn’t have much to say for themselves, believe it or not.

I asked Rob how he deals with people like this, and he had this to say:

‘Some people are bastards. But the ignorance of people like that is balanced out by the kindness of people who stop for a chat, who give a bit of spare change or buy me something to eat.’

He understands the stereotypes that society has attached to the homeless. He knows the assumption most people make is that homelessness is a consequence of either an alcohol or drug addiction. He told me the worst thing for him is being treated like a criminal, when women walk by him clutching their handbags or their purses for dear life, in fear he’s going to try and steal from them. Society’s notion that being homeless must mean you’re either a drunk, a junkie or a criminal is wrong. The Salvation Army found that over a quarter of people believe alcohol or drug addiction to be the main cause of homelessness when in reality the main cause is actually relationship breakdown.

Now I’m not naive, I’m well aware of the link between homelessness and substance abuse. Drug and alcohol abuse levels among the homeless are higher than average. But that doesn’t mean every homeless person you see is begging for spare change so they can feed their addiction. It’s assumptions like that which alienate the homeless, and lead to the ignorant behaviour I witnessed.

As we continued to chat, I tentatively asked Rob how long he’d been homeless, and how he wound up on the street. He didn’t go into too much detail, but he told me that this time a year ago he had a house, which he lived in with his former partner and their children. Their relationship broke down when he lost his job, and she kicked him out. With no source of income and nobody to turn to, he ended up on the street, relying on local charities, the occasional government handout, and the kindness of strangers to get by.

Some of you are probably thinking something along the lines of ‘How do you know he wasn’t feeding you a load of bullshit? How do you know he’s not a heroin addict or an alcoholic? How do you know he’s even homeless?’ Attitudes towards the homeless have been worsened by the number of people who pretend to be homeless. The documentary 60 Days on the Streets highlights what could be described as the ‘business of begging.’ The documentary follows Ed Stafford, a British film-maker and explorer as he spends sixty days living on the streets of England. He encountered at least one ‘homeless’ man, who had his own flat, yet continued to beg because of how lucrative it can be. This problem is so widespread that I have seen homeless people holding signs in my own city which read something along the lines of ‘I am ACTUALLY homeless, please help me.’

The truth is I don’t know if anything Rob told me was true. But what I do know, is that I bought him a cappuccino and a bacon roll, and never in my life have I seen another human-being devour food the way he did, with such urgency as if his life depended on it, that he didn’t know when he would next eat. I’ve never witnessed hunger like that before, but I don’t think that’s something you can easily fake. Which is why I believe that he was telling me the truth.

A Change in Mindset

We need to stop assuming the worst of people. We’ve all done it. You see a homeless person in the street and you think ‘I won’t give them any money, they’ll only use it for drugs’. The attitude needs to change if something is ever going to be done about homelessness. A survey by the Salvation Army found that 67% of people in London do nothing when they see someone experiencing homelessness. I’m not saying we need to give money or food to every homeless person that we see. But for someone who is already in an immensely difficult and stressful situation, the least we can offer them is a kind word, a moment of connection with a fellow human being. I have no doubt that Rob spoke more in that half an hour with me than the rest of the day combined. The harsh reality is that we throw around the term ‘homeless people’ when most of us don’t treat them like people at all. We don’t see the person. We just see homelessness.

It’s amazing the difference three feet can make.

*For any of you unfortunate enough to not know what a pasty is, please see here.

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