Do Guys Think about This?
By: Susan M
Tags: Women, Questions Answers, Men, Opinion

I’m a tomboy. Always have been and always will be. As a child in North Carolina I would pack myself a sandwich, grab my fishing pole, and spend the day far out on the neighbor’s property. I put worms on my hooks, took fish off when I caught them, and cleaned them myself. I was around 8 at this time.

I would spend some days in the woods, with a little hatchet and build little cabins that my friends and I used as clubhouses. I rode horses, got thrown off, and jumped right back on. Times have changed in the years since. Cell phones didn’t even exist and there was no social media.

After high school I went to college for a couple of years and then joined the Navy. People were shocked. I’m not sure why except that women joining the military at that time (1990) was unusual, at least in our area of North Carolina. Those reactions were the start of what prompted this post.

I’m not writing to stir anyone up, or because I’m a feminist or anything like that. I’m genuinely curious about whether men think about how they stereotype women?

I loved my time in the Navy and spent seven years there. I worked in a shop of all men and my chiefs, senior-chiefs, etc. were all men. I made some great friends during my service — all men. While I worked as hard as anyone else, I will say that I noticed an obvious difference between how the men were treated and how I was treated. We would be given the same jobs but if I seemed tired or the guys thought something would be too hard for me, they would offer to take it on. I truly believe that the guys were being considerate and trying to help, even though I did not need it.

I remember times when I would use tools to work on something and the guys would think that was the sexiest thing ever. Why? Because I was a girl? That’s the only reason I can think of. I have to admit, at the time I liked the attention. I was only 20 after all. The thing is, although I enjoyed the attention, I did not see a reason for it. Why was it such a big deal for me to do the same things the guys were doing?

As I grew up and became a wife and mother I continued to enjoy outdoor activities. I still ride horses and love to go camping and hiking. I can change a flat and drive a stick. The stereotype of being seen as a helpless woman has never left. When my husband and I were shopping for and buying a new travel trailer, the men at the shop automatically turned to him to discuss towing capacity, stabilizers, etc. My husband is absolutely awesome, but honestly knows nothing about that stuff. It works for us. I drive the truck and tow the travel trailer or horse trailer when we take them somewhere. It took me kind of butting in to get through to the men helping us with our camper purchase. They eventually figured out that I was the one they needed to be talking to.

The same thing happens at home improvement stores. Store employees will hover and keep trying to help me if I’m alone. They will try to simplify things and explain everything in great detail, whether I ask or not. If I’m with my husband, I might as well be invisible. They always, always start out addressing only him about tools or whatever we are there for.

My husband is fine with how I am and even says he loves it since he isn’t mechanically inclined. He has his qualities that I don’t and I have qualities that he doesn’t. As they say, opposites attract.

As I said earlier, I did not write this to stir anything up. I would just really love to hear from some male readers. Do you guys just assume women can’t do physical tasks like what I described, or do you just think we shouldn’t? Is it something you ever think about, or is it just learned behavior to defer to the male? Is it that you have been taught that it is good manners to try to help a lady?

I totally appreciate a guy holding the door for me and being polite. I get that this is the way it is and it doesn’t make me angry or anything. I just thought this might be a good place to ask. Now, I’ve got a new fence to put up!!