Zoom Call Rules For The Signing Of The Declaration Of Independence
By: Andy Killoran
Tags: Funny, Humor, Slack, Independence, Rules

Zoom Call Rules For The Signing Of The Declaration Of Independence

Thomas Jefferson sent a WhatAp to remind the guys of the rules to follow…

From: Jefferson, Thomas

To: #Dec of Indy Congress

07/03/1776

Subject: Ye ZOOM CALL RULES for ye signing Declaration of Independence (#DECofIND)

Ye guys

Sadly, the Cathay Plaque means we cannot meet f-2-f so the #DECofIND will need to be signed virtually. I can’t tolerate delay, as everyone will be off for the long holiday weekend and I want this on the front pages of their news sheets.

THIS MEETING WILL BE RECORDED.

It is vital that ye all understand this: Assuming we are not all slaughtered in our beds by Redcoats before the end of next week, this is going to be big news, not only here, but this is the ‘Zoom that will be heard around the world’: So, we need to get it right.

Sorry that some of this is a bit personal, but seriously, ye guys, people are going to be talking about this for a long time: And as Louis XVI said to me recently: “Ye only get one chance to make ye first impression.”

· Clean-shaven, clean shirt and fresh periwig please, and that means ALL of ye.

· No ‘top dressing’ for Zoom: Just because we can only see you from the waist up does not mean ye can be in ye linen under-britches from the middle down.

· John and cousin Samuel Adams, OK we can’t smell it, but we can SEE and HEAR that ye have been on the ale. Be very careful; history is currently more likely to remember ye for the alcohol than the aptitude

· Roger Sherman, if ye cat wants to sit on ye lap during the call, will ye just let it? It is more comfortable and more dignified than fighting it, ye should take my word for it

· John Hancock, when ye mute the sound, this does not mute the camera, so we all saw ye hand down ye britches. Please, we want Hancock to be remembered, not Handcock. No more Giuliani moments, ye capeesh?

· Alexander Hamilton, ye infernal jigging and the ridiculously fast speech will play very poorly over Zoom — ye’ll just strobe like crazy. Pack it in, will ye?

· George Washington: I admit I smiled, we all did, when we saw ye had created a Zoom backdrop mocked up to look like ye toilet of King George III and ye sat ‘enthroned’ — hahaha. However, this is serious business, and we can’t get distracted, so…

· Also Robert Livingston: Yes, ye are very funny replacing ye image with a turnip, but will ye please get it sorted before the call tomorrow — posterity calling, ye understand?

· Finally: Benjamin Franklin, ye know I can’t be in Philadelphia, for obvious reasons, but I hear on the grapevine that ye have attached a line and kite to the spire on the top of Independence Hall. Ye want to liven things up, I hear? If ye burn down the damned building before ye #DECofIND is signed tomorrow, ye will live as the villain through history! Ye damned experiments! Ye’s not big, and ye’s not clever.

Let’s get focused and have a great call. And please, remember to tell ye families what we are up to — funny though it may be, no more wives running naked to ye bathhouse through the back of the shot, hey?