Depression matters!
By: Madison Caron
Tags: Mental Health, Addiction, Depression

The persistent feeling of sadness and loss, in other words a killer in oneself. People nowadays don’t take mental health as seriously as it should be. It’s either one of two options, “You’re just an attention seeker” or “Suck it up buttercup” The people who don’t suffer from it don’t understand, it takes everything you have and feel away till you either overcome it or give up.

My battles of depression got me to overcome some fears, but also hit rock bottom. I wish there was a way to cure it completely, but once you have it, it never goes away. You spend your whole life over thinking, feeling like your not good enough, and always scared to get hurt. You push yourself away from reality, thinking you’re doing a favor for everyone. But honey, you’re only hurting yourself. I grew up in a split family kind of situation. Lived with my mother who was an addict (still is) on weekdays, and I lived with my father on some days and weekends. I was never allowed to voice over my opinions, or emotions. I had no one to talk to but those free counsellors, which in my case they never helped me in what I needed. All I needed was someone to just hold me and tell me it was going to be okay.

With my mothers abusive ways and also my fathers, I learnt to keep to myself and only speak when spoken. I was always scared, no matter where I was that someone was going to hurt me. This went on for a few years, until I was taking away from my mother. At the time, I was so hurt and lonely without her, but as I got older I ended up hating her for what she did to me. (That’s for another story) I was then living with my father full time. Though I love my father with all my heart, and he is a super amazing dad. There were some challenges between him and I. You could call it really tough love. Details will most likely be released in further stories, if people are interested in this.

By the time I was around 12–13 years of age, I addressed my problems that I had. I needed emotional help for the destructive childhood, I had. I have been feeling this deep hurt inside of me that no one could help. Most days I hated waking up in the morning, I hated doing the things I once loved. In life no one prepares you for “depression” it just hits you, then it attaches to you. In order for me to get the help I needed, I had to report my father. And from that moment on, my life fell apart.

Depression didn’t go away, it got worse. I lost the connection with my father, and at that point hadn’t spoken or seen my mother in over 7 years. All I wanted was acceptance and love but couldn’t get access to it. Depression hid me from anybody trying to get to know the real me. They only saw what it lets them see. A hurt, small child. I was nothing back then. I was terrified to speak up for myself, not wanting to hurt anybody. So I stayed silent.

As I entered high school, that’s when I hit my breaking point. Enough is enough. I needed to be myself, I was tired of always being afraid. I got the courage to move out and start a life for myself. I was tired of living day to day not knowing if I could make it another day. I wanted to be happy and be a teenager since I never got to experience it. I felt like a prisoner in my own house. Since then, I’m not scared to tell anyone what I’m thinking. I’m not scared to defend myself in an argument.

In conclusion to this part of my life, no matter what you go through depression never goes away. But if you fight it to an extent, it won’t take over and you have full control. Don’t let it swallow you up whole, because it’ll only eat you more and more. This is just an insider on a part of my life that still affects me to this day. I am new to this platform and wanted to see where this could take me. If you are interested in more detailed stories, let me know and follow for more :) Thank-you, sincerely Madison C.