Turning a Horrific Event Into an Empowering Future
By: Morten Jensen
Tags: Mental Health, Rape, Self Improvement, Self, Life

I recently published an article describing my personal story of being raped nearly 20 years ago. The hardest one I have ever written, for sure! But for me, a necessary step in the healing process.

And I am healing well. I am in a rather unique position having spent the last 5–6 years changing my life around environmentally, physically, and mentally. I have studied the mind and body connection extensively and I now understand why things have happened the way they have throughout my life — including that event.

This is also why dealing with the fact that I was raped has been easier than it probably is for most people. It is the reason I no longer blame the person who raped me and the reason I don’t hold any grudge.

I certainly did many years ago but I now understand a lot more about human behaviour and what it means to hold on to negative emotions. And I understand that he suffers more than I ever did.

While such actions are completely inexcusable, and in no way was the actual rape my own fault, I do understand why it happened and how the situation manifested itself as a result of my own negative thinking patterns about myself as well as my behaviours. And I take full responsibility for my own actions. Because if I don’t, I will never be able to move on.

But the key thing in this whole ordeal is that if I did not already think of myself as a “victim”, I would not have allowed this to happen. If I did not already see myself as “less than”, I would not have let others take control of the situation. If I did not already think of myself as “unworthy”, I would not have gotten so desperately drunk, unable to fend for myself. If I had been in control of my inner dialogue and my actions, my path would never have crossed his.

For me, this is the more significant problem — not the events of that night. Because if I don’t deal with those negative self-loathing thinking patterns, similar situations are inevitably going to occur. And looking back over the years, I clearly see how and why — although less significant — I have ended up in awkward situations of a similar nature.

Not because of what happened that night, but because of how I already viewed myself — as a victim and at the mercy of everyone and everything else.

Of course, these situations do not happen due to deliberate actions and I did not walk around thinking to myself, “I am a victim, I am not worthy, someone please hurt me”. These beliefs are buried in the subconscious because unfortunately, these are learned beliefs that most of us pick up in childhood and exacerbate through our teens.

So in order for those beliefs to be released, we must start with acceptance.

Accepting yourself for who you are. And accepting that you are fully responsible for your life, your actions and how you react to your circumstances.

We must then forgive. Forgive the persons you hold accountable for any offences you feel they have imposed upon you. And most importantly, forgiving yourself for the disappointments and violations of your deepest values.

Forgiving someone does not mean forgetting. It means you no longer allow that person to have power over you. You no longer let someone else drain your energy. Instead, you allow yourself to take control of your life and your emotional state.

It is often easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself.

Until that happens though, it is near impossible to truly take control of your life.

It is clear to me how these patterns of thought have affected all areas of my life. Personally, socially, romantically, spiritually, professionally, financially, etc. I can see it all. And because of this deep awareness, I can now start to move on.