A teenager's ultimate battle: the homies vs the parentals
Tags: Thoughts And Feelings, Teenagers, Friends, Parents And Children, Advice and Opinion

The inner turmoil explained in words instead of a series of “ugh”s.

So, one of the most common teenage stereotypes is that we favour our friends over our family, and to me, this is untrue, even if my parents seem to think otherwise.

Ok, look. Yes, I love my squad and yes, I may cancel a family dinner here or there to talk to them instead, but, in no way whatsoever, that means that I “love them more” than my parents. Like where does that remark even come from? It simply just means that I’d rather do anything else than awkwardly eat in silence. Is that so wrong?

Now to the turmoil of it all, um well, to put in simple words we’re trying to find ourselves. We’re doing this by exploring new things, new ideas. Some of us are trying to fit in and some of us are trying to step out of the box. While we’re doing this, we have everchanging opinions, everchanging ideas and when someone opposes these ideas, we tend to lash out. Whether that's by yelling, storming out of the house, etcetera, etcetera. You get the idea.

Now the reason why this “battle” even begins in the first place is that the opposition of ideas normally doesn't come from our friends. They have their own ideas to defend, so they dont really have a basis for opposition to those of someone else. The parents, however, only have their child’s opinions & ideas to think about, which therefore results in them making an opinion about it, to which we react and well, revolt. So here, the parents become the bad guys and the friends, the automatic heroes. BUT, this doesn't mean that they’re forever heroes. As soon as our ideas start clashing with our friends, we instinctively conclude this as “betrayal” and suddenly the parents become the good guys. This is a horrible, selfish way of thinking. I know. But after all, there’s a reason it's called turmoil. Almost the biggest one at that.

So this fickle behaviour continues, and often there’s no end in sight. I guess eventually we learn that our family can coexist with our friends in our lives, instead of having to pick one over the other.

Another reason why I think we have this internal chaos is that our judgment really isn't the greatest right now. Of course, we dont want to admit it but it is true to an extent. So, we make errors in judgment when it comes to picking the people we hang around, and while we’re fighting for them at home, they have other motives. But that's a whole another story. The point here is that with this poor judgment, we unknowingly and unwillingly mess up both, our social lives and our familial relationships, which sucks. To say the least.

What do we fix? more importantly, how do we fix it? Can it even be fixed? What and who is our priority? These are the questions that we are forced to face and answer, and to you, the most obvious answer here would be depending on who you are. If you are a student, you’ll probably answer in regards to what you are currently facing. You’ll either prioritize your parents or your friends and once you make that choice, there's no telling that you won't change your mind because there’s too much at stake. Once you make that choice you’ll lose a part of your life. But, if you are a parent reading this then without a doubt, your answer would be “they should fix their relationships at home”.

Personally speaking, I have somehow been blessed with the most chaotic set of people in my squad. I mean that in the sweetest way possible. Yes, it took years of arguments and mistakes to figure out who actually stuck by my side and I couldn’t be happier by the results.

As for “familial relationships”, my parents are super chill. Maybe that comes with being an only child in 2021, but my parents are weirdly open to all discussions on all possible topics and a little too interested in my social life. But it's all cool. I love talking to them about stuff. They're easy to talk to and offer good advice. What more could you possibly want from your parents?

Fellow Gen Z’ers, if you’re reading this, hush, I’m not flexing. As a matter of fact, I’m trying to open your eyes to the fact that your parents are probably more chill than mine. A-hup-hup-hup, I know what you’re gonna say. “Just because your parents are nice, doesn’t mean ours’ are”. Well, I’m not gonna say that everyone on Earth is nice if you give them a chance because, in a lot of cases, that’s not true, but what I will say is that, if you haven’t already tried to talk to them, then you should. Just once. Start with something easy. Like, something on the news, for example. If you’re comfortable with voicing out your opinions, then there you go! If not, then it’s fine. Don’t sweat. You’ve got your squad ;)

Parents, if you’re reading this, then a piece of advice from someone who knows a little of what's happening in your child’s mind, dont dismiss their breakdowns and tantrums as “hormonal changes”. I know you think it means that you’re starting to understand them but it's actually quite the opposite. Whatever is going on in their mind, for now it's a mess. They're just trying to sort it out. Where do you come in? Well, I can't tell for sure because it all depends on the individual. All I can say that just try making them feel that they can talk to you, trust you and that you will accept them however they are.

The bottom line is when we act out, a lot of the time it doesn't really have to do with the current situation or argument but rather, it’s accumulated, pent up stuff that we just got the trigger for, from the current situation. We know, that w have to be more mindful of the things we do and say, but in that moment, that doesn't really work. So, my only concluding remark here is, take it slow. I mean that in every sense.

Watch this space for more!