When Impostor Syndrome Attacks — I Fight Back With a Badass Playlist
By: Jason Mcbride
Tags: Life Lessons, Music, Imposter Syndrome, Self Improvement, Writing

Some people have a negative voice in their minds that whispers they aren’t good enough. I have a full fucking Greek chorus in my head.

This band of masked voices narrate all my past tragedies, remind me of every mistake I have ever made, and sow doubt as to my ability to accomplish anything. I’ve made a full-time living as a writer for eight years, and I still feel like an impostor most of the time.

I love the process of writing. My purest joy in life is buried in the strange, beautiful mind-space that I enter once I start putting words together. Most days, I have to fight a pitched battle with doubt, weakness, and resentment before making it to the keyboard.

Over the years, I have developed a bunch of tricks to outwit what author Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. Writing is my job. I don’t have the luxury of waiting for inspiration or a perfect set of conditions before I shake my moneymaker.

However, sometimes that Greek chorus in my mind is overwhelming. I start to believe that I’m a joke. I am tempted to quit writing because nobody wants to read my work. Worst of all, I begin to doubt my ability to write anything more compelling than “Happy Birthday” in a greeting card. Once my anxiety disorder joins the battle, I am in danger of being overrun.

Fighting Back

When all of the usual tricks fail, I have a secret weapon. I listen to music. Not just any music. I have a special playlist on my phone called Badass. I only listen to it when I am at my most desperate. This playlist is not to be used lightly.

But when my inner demons start tearing up the furniture and lighting fires inside my mind at the encouragement of my personal Greek chorus, it’s time to fight back.

Writer Sara Benincasa recently wrote:

And I know that good music helps. Great music fixes almost everything.

The music on my playlist may not be objectively great — but each tune has been carefully calibrated by the creative gods to infuse me with unearned confidence, good vibes, and the ability to shut down the naysayers in my mind for a few hours. It’s also filled with power guitar riffs and profanity.

There are three rules for the Badass playlist:

1. It must be used sparingly

2. It must be listened to alone (AirPods count as being alone)

3. It must be listened to loud as fuck

The moment I hit play, two things happen. I momentarily forget all of my past failures, and I’m infused with creative power.

The music tricks me into believing that I am a badass writer. Before the first song is over, I am usually at least one paragraph deep into my project.

I will listen to the playlist on repeat for the entire writing session. Then, the battle for the day being won, I will turn off the music, silently expressing my gratitude to all the artists that made my moment of badattitude possible.

Will It Work For You?

Music is one of the powerful things that we puny humans have access too. It has powerful mood-altering abilities, can trigger waves of nostalgia, and can infuse you with mindless bliss. It’s like doing drugs, only safer.

In my life, I’ve only ever met one person who doesn’t like at least some kind of music. I strongly suspect that one person is actually a robot sent by aliens to infiltrate our planet and activate the octopus sleeper agents stationed in our aquariums.

Chances are good that you can use music to battle impostor syndrome. But, your playlist will not look like mine. Some writers can’t write with lyrics blaring in their ears. It doesn’t bother me because I’ve had voices shouting in my head my entire life.

Some writers want something calming. You will want to use whatever music makes you feel however you want to feel.

Since I write in a home filled with four children and an overly protective and anxious Havanese dog, I always write with music. But, I only unleash my Badass playlist in moments of extreme need. I usually only break it out once a month or so. I use other albums and playlists to get me going and block out the noise in my home on days when I feel a typical amount of dread and discomfort.

Having a Badass playlist isn’t some lifehack like waking up at 5 am or taking cold showers to heighten your self-loathing. I can’t guarantee it will make you rich or that it will even help you to write better. I’m not sure it helps me write better — I just know it helps me write something on days when I otherwise wouldn’t be able to write anything. And that’s all I need. I have to get the words out.

Getting the words out is all you can do as a writer.

However, while the mileage you get out of a playlist may vary, I suspect that having some sort of ritual around music will improve your mood and help you get more writing done. If you’re desperate, what do you have to lose?

My Playlist

My Badass playlist is strange. It’s a pastiche of music I’ve heard over the years. Some of it obscure, some of it painfully basic, and some of it obnoxiously tied to memories of being a bulletproof teenager. This playlist wasn’t created to make me look cool. It was created to make me feel like a writing badass.

Here’s my secret weapon to fight back against impostor syndrome:

The Baddest Man Alive — The Black Keys Zombie Bastards — Weezer I’m Free — The Soup Dragons (a Rolling Stones cover) You Gotta Be — Des’ree Helpless — The Regrettes (from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s incredible Hamilton Mix Tape enterprise) I Won’t Back Down — Tom Petty Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard — Paul Simon Wrote My Way Out (Remix) — Royce d 5’9”, Joyner Lucas & Black Thought (from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s perfect Hamilton Mix Tape project) Gives You Hell — Glee Cast Pretend We’re Dead — L7 Fight Song­ — Rachel Platten Teen Angst — Cracker We All Die Young — The Decemberists Can’t Knock the Hustle — Weezer Divine Thing — The Soup Dragons The Golden Age — The Asteroids Galaxy Tour All Star — Smash Mouth Good — Better Than Ezra Believer — Imagine Dragons This is a Call — Foo Fighters Ben Franklin’s Song — The Decemberists (from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s genius Hamilton Mix Tape collection)

Now Go Write

I’m lucky. I escaped a career I hated, and that was slowly killing me and became a writer. I’m not going to pretend that writing is hard or dangerous or glorious. But, it is a relentless profession.

No matter what type of writer you are — you have to keep writing. The only way to fail as a writer is to quit putting words together. My Badass playlist is one technique I use to keep writing.

You will need to develop your own bag of tricks. You need to find the art that the Universe has calibrated to your creative soul and use it to fuel your work.

Now go write!