The Shame of Aging and What we Need to Unlearn
By: Chloë H Dennis
Tags: Equality, Women, Empowerment, Agism, Intersectionality

The Shame of Aging and What we Need to Unlearn

At 18 I’m working to create a positive relationship with my older self

My mother Caroline Dennis and Grandmother Shirley Stookey

One thing I know I’ve been hyper-aware about since the day I was born, was how to stay absolutely young for as long as possible.

“You better start moisturizing young, or else you’ll get wrinkles or even worse… smile lines.”

“It’s good you’re eating well now, you won’t be able to eat anything good when you’re my age.”

The unpacking of this unfortunately trails back to the stem of young sexualization in addition to this societal unbalance of misogynistic power that perpetuates being apologetically a woman.

That means we are actually born believing we need to attain a certain age and stay there until we become irrelevant.

I’ve often caught myself in these societal ideals of what I’ll look like when I’m old. How to prevent lines or how to be more hyper concious to keep an idealist version of my body. I usually have to stop myself and say,

“But what about the experiences I’ll have, and the incredible people I would have connected with, and the beauty of watching life move?” You are not born onto this earth to be hyper-aware of lacking youth.

I’m always wondering what other people’s relationship with aging is, and how much of that standard is ingrained from outer sources.

Being 18, I’m unfairly told that these are the best years of my life. Are there any men who are held to the same visual standard? The reason they aren’t is merely that our society very much romanticizes the young, beautiful woman. Of course, this isn’t new information, but I’m always wondering what other people’s relationship with aging is, and how much of that standard is ingrained from outer sources.

My grandmother, who passed away a couple years ago, was a big inspiration for my relationship with aging. She lived how she lived, without conforming to how it should be. Her walls were filled with art and she was a music fanatic, with lined bookshelves of CD’s and musicals. She had a taste for life that I knew I wanted to match when I got to her age. She introduced me to the beauty of gardening, even with her knees in pain, she would produce nature as her own art form. She was an inspiration of how to bring brightness and color, physically and mentally.

I want to be insanely curious, just the same I am now. I don’t ever want to stop discovering what scares me. I don’t want to stop my life for someone else’s and stay behind on my interests. Being curious is one of the things that I hold closest, and it’s an outlet for my creativity, which I’ve noticed is easy to lose as the years pass.

In extension to that, “Unapologetic” will become my single line life-affirmation. Being unapologetic is an obvious importance in women’s lives throughout. Being old though, I want to especially encapsulate it. This one is big for me, having real struggles with setting proper boundaries, as I know many women do.

Wrinkles are absolutely glorious, they’re very much an imprint of how we expressed our lives.

Of course, eating for the heart, expressinig myself creatively, and doing things without seeking validation. That’s the goal!

I will have smile lines. I hope to god I have smile lines. Wrinkles are absolutely glorious, they’re very much an imprint of how we expressed our lives. Elation is exactly what I want my imprint to be, whether there be some “frown lines” it’s all just a sweet reminder of how much of a mixed bag life can be. Ripples of a story.

I’m trying to unlearn every idea about aging that it isn’t a beautiful, exciting experience that’s worth embracing. Growing old is always a scary thing, and by no means am I saying that it’s invalid to feel nervous about it. However, there is a line between being nervous about aging and letting it rule how you live. We were brought up to believe we need to feel shame around how we grow, and this awareness is already the first step. From there we can really understand our capabilities of self love in any future form. Allow forgiveness to yourself. You have the power to change the narrative that growing old is anything less than extrodinary.