Why I’m Not Going to Homeschool Anymore
By: Cheney Meaghan
Tags: Special Needs, Bullying, Education, Parenting, Disability

Why I’m Not Going to Homeschool Anymore

And the choice makes me want to puke.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

I’ve been homeschooling my daughter for two years now, ever since she was supposed to start middle school.

I have written before about why I started homeschooling and even last month wrote a post about how it’s bullies that keep my daughter from school, or, keep me from putting her back in school, but after months of consideration and lots of talks about it with family and friends, we’ve decided to give public school a try… only because it’s the singular path to a special needs school.

The system has BROKE BAD.

You see, my daughter has multiple disabilities, including Intellectual Disability, which makes her much more immature than her peers of the same age. Also, even though she is going into eighth grade, she is really operating at a 4th and 5th grade level in most subjects.

Now, I seem to be the outlier of parents who doesn’t believe full inclusion is the best thing for her child.

These days, public schools want special ed students to be in class with their peers as much as possible, to not be pulled out of class for hard subjects but to be given an aide to sit with them and help.

Well, now, what do you think it’s like to be the only kid in class with an aide sitting with you?

Do you think that’s conducive to making friends and not getting made fun of?

Do you remember the special needs kids in your class when you were young?

Were you nice to them, or did you just ignore them?

There’s a reason they have specialized schools for kids with disabilities, and these are only some of the reasons I want my child to go to one.

But there are so many barriers in her way.

Because teachers are under no obligation to work in the summer, they will not have her Planning and Placement Team (PPT) meeting until after the school year starts, so she will start without her Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that helps accommodate her needs in school.

Basically, my daughter will be thrown to the wolves and treated just like any other eighth grader for as long as it takes to get her IEP in place, and I am horrified for what she might have to go through.

I am just so scared that she will immediately be singled out as being different and start getting picked on the first day — or worse, completely ignored when she is desperate to make some kind of connection.

So, why am I doing this?

Well, it all comes down to money, in more ways than one.

The public school is the one who has to determine whether they can meet my child’s needs, and if they can’t, they are the ones who have to pay the tuition for the special needs school that I want her to attend.

That is going to be a fight, and I am fully prepared to be that school’s worst nightmare of a parent to get her in there, calling and emailing at every mention of bullying she faces, constantly calling PPT meetings if her IEP isn’t working out for her, and even getting in the face of the Board of Ed if the bullying is as bad as I expect it to be, if it’s anything like it was in her last school.

Then, there are my personal reasons.

I’m still living with my parents, and I can’t figure how to make it work to get out of here if I have to homeschool in the mornings and work a part-time job on nights and weekends. It would take me ages to save up enough to actually move out, and then there’s no way I would be able to sustain us on a part-time salary and still homeschool.

I don’t have a husband or partner to help support me, and though my parents seem more than happy to let me stay here indefinitely, I really want to move on with my life and get back out on my own again, for my own psyche.

I try to tell myself that I am doing the right thing.

I know right now that the only path to the special needs school I want her in is to put her in public school and see what happens. My hopes are high, but my expectations are low.

I’m afraid my child will be lost and abused in a sea of neurotypical kids who want nothing to do with her and terrified of what that will do to her precious little heart.

But I’m never going to know if we don’t try.

Maybe I am over-projecting my fears and it won’t be so bad.

Who knows?

I just know I’m dreading August 28th, the day she walks into that building for the first time… and I’m afraid of how she will walk out.