Not Being A Christian Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Believe In Anything
By: Stephen Uba
Tags: Spirtuality, Religion, Humanity, Self, Christianity

Whenever I tell a Christian that I don’t believe in God, their first response is to inquire about my paganism status. I immediately laugh and wonder if I still operate under the judgement of their God. Calling me a pagan because I don’t believe in your religion is quite self centred. The world doesn’t have to always revolve around your spiritual stance.

We were all born into families, and no choice was given to us concerning our belief system. Growing up was what allowed me see through all the societal programming I went through and finally make sense of my existence. In the beginning of my ‘pagan journey’ I was almost sure there was neither heaven nor hell, but I never really considered disassociating myself with Christianity in general.

For some reason, I chose to call myself an Atheist-Christian. Whenever I got into discussions involving religion, my opinions were so divergent, and when my spiritual orientation got questioned, I always had to start explaining where I stood on the religious measuring scale. As I shed light on my relationship with ‘God’, the Christians around me in school wasted no time to label me an unserious nonspiritual rebel. They never for once try to understand my perspective but are quick to label me confused for admitting I don’t know.

Aren’t we all truly confused? I’m pretty sure that judging other people on the path of self discovery by using doctrines is something that exposes our state of blissful confusion. If only we can all tell each other the truth, that we all don’t know anything about what truly happens after we die. Since childhood, we’ve been bombarded with the different myopic viewpoints of people who have no idea of spirituality. They keep preaching, and laud the title of ‘righteousness’ as a higher, more privileged state of living.

‘I’m closer to God, so therefore I deserve to know my purpose and to find true meaning’. We figure out our confusion is as fresh as ever, but instead of acknowledging it, go into complete denial just so we can remain in that illusion of righteousness, ‘the golden kingdom citizenship card’. The more we don’t know, the more we summon faith to know, deceiving our minds into believing we know simply because we want to, not because we choose to and work to.

I realized later on that I and my fellow Christian colleagues still have a lot in common, and their religious banter kept exposing the fact that truly, we all as humans, both Atheists and Christians are confused as ever in our knowledge of the afterlife. Only difference is one group seems to know how to pretend more than the other. My understanding of not knowing drew me closer to enlightening myself about the human struggle and how we all got here. I quit the banter about God seeing me as special, and instead asked why He is so unfair and has no standards to his work ethic towards the human race.

One funny fact, is how the preachers in the religious houses feel the more they utter words and prepare sermons, the more enlightened they are. I finally can see through all the ‘Amen' and it’s so glaring how they keep hiding their humane ineptitude on divinity beneath those words and burying it under their sermons. That’s why what they preach is never practical, but random words on the thoughts their minds conjure to fill enough content into their divine airtime on the pulpit in church.

So yes, I eventually took a break from Christianity, and found truth in my willingness to know and understand what I can around me, not judge. This made me believe more in humanity and all the different movements that surround it. I look forward to understanding the chaos humanity brings, instead of settling for the silent treatment God keeps giving.

For every Christian who still thinks am a confused pagan, well I’d love to say that leaving the hypnosis of religion has let me believe practically and see more possibilities to be involved in. I still haven’t found full meaning, but that’s ok, I’ve realized that curiosity is all I need. Hiding under any religious group would only keep me deluded in self-serving purpose, not real transforming and impactful human belief.

I want to believe and impact the world around me, not believe and feel validated by God and his divine earthly servants. I’m tired of hearing abstract fables without practical understanding.

I may not be the ideal Christian, but I sure do believe in the real tangible history humanity and the universe have. I’m done immersing myself in the exaggerated mystics of Christianity and religion in its entirety. Maybe I haven’t even left Christianity, but have put it in its place as a mystical idea I get to give props to but not subdue my life and humanity to. I guess I’m a Pagan, an Atheist-Christian and a Mystical Believer.