Creating Awesome and Authentic Relationships For A Paramount living
By: Florence Osiadi
Tags: Christianity, Christian Living

By FLORENCE OSIADI

Relationship is defined as the way in which two or more people or groups are connected , or the state of being connected, the way two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each order (Cambridge Dictionary). Whether you are in a relationship or you are planning to start one this year, let your anticipation be for an awesome and authentic relationship.

Resolve to have awesome and authentic relationships this year if you are not already in any relationship. If you are in one venture to upgrade it by making it awesome. This is not only about the marriage relationship, it’s about building authentic friendship in your circle of friendship, office, family or local Church /Christian community.

Rick Warren said ‘’In Christian fellowship, people should experience authenticity. Authentic fellowship is not superficial, surface-level chit-chat. its genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level’’.

I am yet to experience this authenticity again in Christendom especially being in diaspora. Before marriage, I had very genuine and authentic friends but all that gradually fizzled out after I left home due to distance. Though I still communicate with my close friends on the social media but it is different due to lack of physical presence. I have realised that being present is a key to building authentic and awesome relationships.

Every relationship needs the presence of both parties connected in that relationship to thrive, because love is difficult to be sustained at an optimum level in absentia especially when both parties are very young. Distance relationship lacks that intimacy in relationship, the person to person affection and attention that helps the friendship to grow. Physical touch is a power tool in every relationship and not sex as people erroneously think particularly the younger generation. Authentic and awesome relationships will cherish each others values, and not put themselves in compromising situation and acts that they will live to regret when things turn contrary. Such a relationship will not take undue advantage of your situation whatever it is particularly when it has to do with affluence and buoyancy.

When your friendship progress to courtship and marriage, the awesome relationship you had during friendship will keep lubricating the love in that marriage and you will experience authentic relationship because you have built trust, honesty and transparency from the start.

What about finding authentic relationships in the social class where we belong nothing personal. I will look at the Church because that’s where I belong. I can imagine everyone is living in Faith. Please do not get me wrong faith is good and should be expressed but some situations need actualization and reality expressed.

The awesome friendships can only happen when people are authentic but some of us shy away from being authentic with what is going on in our world for fear of being regarded as faithless. People need to be honest about who they are and what is happening in their lives not being afraid to share the hurts they have, reveal feelings, confess failures, disclose doubts, admit fears, or even acknowledge weaknesses, and ask for help and prayer. But we don’t do these because we don’t want people to either judge, gossip or think less of us.

I suppose this will be the likely case for pastors wives like me and people in leadership positions in the church. Tried as I may, I discovered that it’s hard for people to be themselves, real and authentic with me in church. While relating with me, they tend to live in the Bible, and shelter themselves with all the essential lingo covered in righteousness and holiness because this also is their expectation of me. However, the guard is let down outside of the church. I think it is better we relate with each other in our “virtual “realities for authentic relationships to be built.

How then can I discuss my hurts, my fears, my failures, my doubts or even acknowledge my weaknesses? As far as some folks are concerned, you are not expected to hurt, express fear or anger or talk about inadequacy. If you do, you are either faithless. There is a place for faith and positive affirmations, for me faith handles the unseen and I will handle the things that I can see and work on and not behave as if everything is Hunky Dory. The community you find yourself in should not be a lonely place to be, I should not be afraid to discuss my problems because of a lack of trust, fear, gossip, or seclusion, etc. Show some love, let people know they can trust you, they will not be judged, condemned or gossiped about when they come to you and I want people to feel the same about me. Guarantee their trust as a person and pray with them genuinely. Give the help and needed support without being judgemental. No one can let anyone into their personal space except the trust is built. I need to know that my life and property are safe with you before I can let you In.

We can build trust, authenticity and awesome relationship with ourselves through transparency. Accommodate the atmosphere of honesty and humility, and avoid pretending, role-playing, superficial politeness, and shallow conversation. Let people know that you genuinely care. ‘People don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care’.

There is a community I belong to outside church, some are Christians some are not, but there is so much openness among them that you can feel it pulsating. Everyone is willing to help and support each other. I was amazed I received such support last week from someone in Australia, she showed such genuineness and suggested ways I could get around the problem I was facing. I want to find such a person in my locality. I don’t have to wear mask, keep my guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in my life. These attitudes are the death of a real friendship. “It’s only when we become open about our lives that we experience authentic fellowship.’’ (Rick Warren). The Bible says, ‘’If we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other…..if we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves’’ (1 John 1:7–8 NCV).

Keeping it REAL is the key to that awesome relationship we desire to have among ourselves, it requires courage and humility, don’t hide the hurts, fears, failures, and flaws. When we are authentic we are able to face ‘our fears of exposure, rejection or being hurt again’. Love covers a multitude of sins, our love for each other should help us seek answers and solutions for one another, grow and become ‘spiritually and emotionally healthy’.

‘’Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other so that you can live together whole and healed’’ (James 5:16 The Message).