3 Lessons I’ve Learnt to Embrace as a Introverted Black Woman!
Tags: Mental Health, Women, Racism, Race, Culture

3 Lessons I’ve Learnt to Embrace as a Introverted Black Woman!

I knew that I would face discrimination as a Black woman, but not as an introvert

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash

‘I knew that I would face discrimination as a Black Woman, but not as an Introvert.’

For years I had been told that I was ‘weird’ and ‘quiet.’

I didn’t fit into the stereotypical image of a black woman, which was ‘loud, sassy and bossy,’ but when I became an adult, I believed that this was a phase in my life I could forget about.

I knew that I would face discrimination as a black woman, but I didn’t think I would face discrimination as an introvert too.

It wasn’t until I was earning a wage when I continuously faced what others perceived about me.

Although I navigated through predominantly white spaces during my childhood, this was soon a reality again when I started working.

This usually meant that others were quick to make assumptions about me and whether I was worthy of respect or acknowledgement.

I remember when I first failed to live up to the expectations of my managers and colleagues, as a ‘loud black woman.’

Instead of standing up for myself, as I should have, they faced me with criticism that has stuck with me ever since- ‘you need to speak more, otherwise you will never make friends.’

For me, it had felt like black women could not show their introverted side.

We’ve seen many introverts of other races portrayed in the media, such as the stereotypical image of a ‘quiet Asian,’ but everyone praised and applauded these stereotypes.

Society makes black introverted women feel that they cannot exist.

Thankfully, I have learned from these experiences and I’m slowly starting to accept my introverted personality.

Here are three life lessons I’ve learnt as an introverted black woman:

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

1. I’m not alone in this big world

Slowly, there have been conversations and positive portrayals of black introverted women in the media, such as Issa Rae’s book, ‘Awkward Black Girl’ and articles such as ‘Black Women aren’t allowed to be Introverted,’ by Sequoia Holmes.

However, as a black introverted woman, we often feel isolated because of not feeling accepted by others.

As I had mentioned earlier, I had and still feel isolated sometimes as an adult. Luckily, in today’s world, the power of technology has allowed us to connect with like-minded people with the same problems as us.

If it wasn’t for reading articles and watching TV Shows about black female introverts, I would be the person I am today.

2. Being quiet does not make me boring

A brief memory I remember from secondary school was my closest friend saying ‘you’re boring.’ At first, I thought nothing about it, and I carried on with my life as normal.

It wasn’t until I met new people when I realised the effects of what my friend had said.

I had over-thought what others had perceived about me, and this fuelled my belief that I was not the ‘go to girl’ for having a ‘fun time.’

Instead, I was the ‘comfort zone girl,’ someone who’s used as the support system when they had no one else.

And I hated it.

As a black woman, people assume that you are the entertainer. And this was true for many of the friends I had at secondary school.

For not meeting their expectations, most people saw me as a ‘blank slate,’ since I didn’t speak up when I needed to.

The truth is, it’s okay to not want to speak all the time. As an introvert, I never see the point in constantly trying to put my point across, so that everyone could hear what I had to say.

I had to remind myself that I’m not an entertainer for others, I’m my own person.

3. Many people have questioned my quietness

Many of us would have seen the negative portrayal of black women in Pop culture, such as with The Real Housewives of Atlanta and in music.

Normally, in these shows and in music, black women are portrayed as one or both traits- ‘loud’ and ‘hot-headed.’

Unfortunately, these negative portrayals have fuelled stereotypes which have affected us all, but what happens when you don’t meet these stereotypes?

As humans, we find it hard to ignore the stereotypes of other races.

It helps us to make quick assumptions and decisions on how to react to certain people, so when people don’t meet the expectations of these stereotypes, the reaction can go in one of two ways: surprised or question the individual’s personality.

Personally, I have experienced these two reactions, but one experience that sticks out is when people question your personality. This had resulted in me constantly being asked, ‘why don’t you speak?’ and ‘you’re so cute.’

Because of the stereotypes of black women, it has led to others being suspicious and criticising me over not speaking a lot.

Even when many people have proven to go against stereotypes, people still stand by them and ignore getting to know each individual’s personality.

My way of dealing with stereotypes is not to give into others’ expectations of me and show them that everyone is not the same person.

It’s hard not to feel pressured and live up to other people’s expectations since you have the desire to exist and be heard.

However, my way of dealing with this is to continue being my own person and prove that black women have their own individual personality.