5 Reasons Why Being A ‘Good Person’ May be Bad For Your Health
By: Corrine Roberts
Tags: Parenting, Life Lessons, Health, Mental Health Awareness, Codependency

Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

Reason #4: The compulsion to do good can cause mental illness, and can be a sign of mental illness.

It is actually an addiction. Working on breaking this addiction has been incredibly difficult. I did not know that one could be addicted to a feeling. I always thought of addiction as being to a substance. Not a feeling.

Trying to heal from codependent relationships — to NOT help those people has made me feel physically sick with nausea and anxiety.

I’ve written more than one story on medium about depression. I believe now and have learned that my depression has been the manifestation of co-dependency, the internalization of all of the rejections I have felt, and my inability to say no and set healthy boundaries for myself.

It’s like I started digging a hole when I was very young, and stood at the bottom of the hole. This was the ‘true me’, the true self. Every rejection and hurt that I felt was another layer of dirt thrown on and I was slowly stifled. My soul was suffocated as was the light of the true and good, the self – worth that I could have had from within if someone would have taught me that just being me was good enough.

Layer upon layer of dirt covered up the feelings that I wasn’t allowed to have as a child and as an adult. I could only have the feelings that my parents and the outside world told me I could have.

Do you remember being told not to be sad, or angry, or upset? To be happy, happy, happy, happy! Like it was a switch that you could turn on.

A lot of the feelings I had were about loneliness, blame, shame and guilt.

It’s sad really that this happens to children. I know that my parents thought they were doing the right thing by ‘telling’ me to not be sad, not be lonely, disappointed, etc. It was as if they believed that by them saying this — a miracle would happen and I wouldn’t feel like this deep inside anymore.

If you are a parent it is vital to recognize and acknowledge feelings that your children have.

This constant disconnection from feeling became depression at a fairly young age. Then came the chronic illness.

Reason #5: Your physical health suffers when you have been a compulsive and codependent people pleaser.

Years ago when I was first diagnosed with depression I came across a terrific book. It’s called ‘When The Body Says No’, by Gabor Mate, M.D.

The list of auto-immune disorders, and other physical illnesses caused because of a person’s inability to say NO was like a forebearer to how my life would become.

Hypothyroidism, (or specifically Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis for me), migraines, chronic pain, arthritis, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue are just the tip of the iceberg for me.

These are all the body’s ways of saying NO when you don’t or can’t say no. Your body rebels and wants to be heard.

If I had been older and wiser I would have listened to my body better.

I wish now that I would have come across the book years earlier, before damage had been done. Some of it permanent. That someone would have had a crystal ball and told me my future.

How it is with most things in life…we are ignorant of them until they slap us in the face.

If you can relate to any of this then take a deep look inside of yourself. This may be very hard and very emotionally upsetting to you. But it is so worth it. Reflect on why you might be a people pleaser. Even see a therapist trained in codependence. Get to the bottom of it and then do what is needed to heal.

Read the full article about Co-dependeny from Mental Health America. There is a questionnaire that will open your eyes to co-dependent behaviors. Another valuable resource is found online at Avaiya University. There are numerous free mental health talks to listen to, with free periodic masterclasses as well. Also please check out livewellwithsharonmartin.com.

That’s the hugely important part. Because if you don’t take the steps to heal you seriously will not get better. You must do good and nourishing exercise for the brain and then the body will benefit.

Remember that being good and doing good are not bad things. But only when it is done for the right reasons. When you make a genuine choice to help — not when you are guilting yourself to help or doing good out of a compulsion or manipulation. When goodness comes from the true self, the part of you that you were born with and shone in you then it’s good.

When you do something for someone because YOU want to then there is no expectation put upon yourself. You are giving freely and will feel free doing it.

Learn to live from the inside out — where the external voices have to listen and support your thinking. If you can make this a habit then your mind and body will change for the better.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are stuck in a codependent relationship that has become a burden to you. It is totally okay to give up the control of taking care of a loved one. It is always more important for you to ‘put on your oxygen mask before you help others’. Because if you aren’t taking care of yourself first then you can’t give your best to others that you choose to give to.

Practice self care and self love. It’s not selfish — it’s life giving to yourself.

Always remember that you are worthy because of your uniqueness. Your self worth comes from within and don’t let anybody take that away from you.

(source: mhanational.org)

Thanks for reading.