The Effects of Adoption
By: I.A Rose
Tags: Adoption, Happiness, Self-awareness, Self Love, Russia

As someone who was adopted, I often feel different and distant from my peers and family. I do not regret being adopted nor do I dislike my adoptive family, I love them as my own. I just always felt different from them. They tried to make me feel as their own and they were somewhat successful, but there was always the missing piece.

I was adopted from Perm, Russia when I was about a year old. During the first year of my life I was malnourished and not shown affection at all. In that short year, I was affected a lot. I grew up knowing I was adopted, I never knew any different. Later in my life I learned more about my Russian culture. I learned my birthmother’s name, that I had a brother. Most of the things I learned were good. Although, I learned that a lot of women got pregnant looking for rich men in bars to be their husband. After becoming pregnant and realizing all these men wanted was sex, they gave their babies up since most single women could not afford children. I still remember my mother telling me about children put up for adoption in Russia. I suppressed this and turned it into humor as I do with everything, but in reality this bothered me for a long time, to think I was just a misfortunate accident.

I also saw my peers and thought I was different from them, but I could never put my finger on why until I got to high school. While I loved High school and would personally do it all over again, I knew I didn’t fit in. I found my way through by making a couple of close friends and having strong relationships with faculty. I still never understood why I was different. I was a lot more mature, I did not party or drink, I did not do what most high schoolers did. I always liked being alone and still do which I guess is pretty normal but I know it stems from my adoption and being alone for that first year of my life. I watched all of my peers post with all of their friends on Snapchat or Instagram while I was sitting at school still having conversations with my principal who probably wanted to go home to her family. Looking back I realize I related more to people who were older than me than my peers. They listened more about my issues or my adoption. They didn’t make me feel ashamed or embarrassed to be Russian or make me want to suppress my Russian ethnicity.

My adoption affected me on more personal levels too. I still do not know why I stopped so much or at what age I stopped, I kind of just stopped doing certain things like hugging people, saying “I love you”, among other things. I do not know why but I just cannot say “I love you” to people including my family. I also rarely hug or kiss people. My family has pretty much accepted the way I am, they are more so concerned for how it will my future relationships with my husband and children. It is hard to explain to people who do not know me since they are such simple actions and words.

While in high school, I was fortunate enough to meet my closest friend who was also adopted. She was dropped off at a police station in a basket as a newborn. She bounced through foster homes before being adopted into a family in the US at the age of two. Unlike me, she had no problem with affection or using her words. She was able to hug and call people by their name. I sense this is from her being in a foster family rather than an orphanage. she was given love and attention unlike me who had none of that in a Russian orphanage.

Growing up I never liked my appearance, I look Russian, the traditional blonde hair and blue eyes. Most girls would kill for that but I never liked it until I was older. I always thought I looked different from my peers, I did not look like the traditional American teen. I was unhappy being Russian, I wanted to look like every other girl in my school but as I grew older I learned to love being Russian and love looking like a Russian. It made me feel different and I learned different can be a good thing.

I always told myself I would never adopt, I still stick to that. I know it is selfish, but I saw what I went through as an adopted child and I do not think I could hand that as a parent, nor do that to my child. I believe adoption is a very beneficial thing, and I support Russia’s abortion laws, if they were more lenient I may not be here today. I have found peace in the fact I was adopted and grown to love my culture and my background without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. No child should feel embarrassed by their blood.