Grief and Long Dark Nights — Solstice Reflection
By: Robyn Morrison
Tags: Solstice, Grief And Loss, Covid 19 Crisis

image from Astronomy.com

Christmas used to be the happiest time of the year, and then it wasn’t. My first bitterly dark Christmas was in 1989, the first Christmas after my divorce. My daughters spent that holiday with their father, and all I felt was desolate loneliness.

Fast forward through many losses and dark times to December 2003. I was working full time as the Director of Christian Formation and Programs at a fairly large church. One of my responsibilities was to lead a comprehensive caring ministry program, providing outreach and support to congregation members dealing with their dark and difficult struggles. I had the idea of offering a worship service on the Solstice, the longest night of the year. We called it the Blue Christmas Service. It was quiet, meditative, with no “Merry Christmas” Carols. By the way, many wonderful advent hymns can be used. It was not a huge gathering, but it was deeply meaningful for those who attended.

In 2005, after I had left to attend seminary, the Senior Pastor changed the format of the Solstice Gathering to a Jazz service, not quiet, not contemplative, and not a safe place for people experiencing grief during the holidays. The Senior Pastor was more interested in attracting a lot of non-church members to the service to increase her attendance statistics and bring in additional offering money. I learned that most churches are abysmal at grief support. When I had the opportunity to offer another Blue Christmas in 2008, I did and it was also well-received but small.

From 2014 to 2020, I worked as a hospice chaplain. The holidays can be a very painful time for families who have lost a loved one or patients who are facing a terminal diagnosis. Most churches ignore the grief of their members and limit their pastoral care to a brief memorial service. Very few congregations offer an ongoing grief support class or group.

I am familiar with grief and loss, I am also aware that this pandemic comes with an epidemic of grief as well as sickness. I am an empath and I feel the grief and fear that is pervasive in our world today. The spike in COVID19 infections since Thanksgiving has literally taken my breath away. I had so much trouble breathing, several nights I either could not sleep or feared that I would die in my sleep. I have been isolated at home since March because I am over 65 and my health history puts me in the high-risk category.

My husband works in a small nonprofit. They have been careful, but one of the staff members tested positive for COVID. My husband was tested and after waiting for several days, his test came back negative. My breathing difficulties were so bad that I finally decided to go to a drive-through testing site. Then I waited for days while my symptoms got much worse. My test came back negative. By that time, I desperately needed to seek medical attention from a medical system that is overwhelmed exhausted, and justifiably fearful. It was a most unpleasant experience. I was tested again, this time with an instant test.

Over two weeks had passed and I gradually started to feel just a tiny bit better. Once I was able to get a full night’s sleep I made even more progress. I never got a diagnosis. I still don’t know what I had, but I was very sick. My story is not unique. I am very relieved that I can breathe again. I still tire very easily but I am sleeping much better.

I am willing to consider that the extreme tightness I felt in my chest, and my inability to breathe, could very well have been symptoms of grief exacerbated by my gift of empathy.

Today is a cosmically powerful day. It is the darkest time of the year (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere). Yet, there is also a powerful alignment of Saturn and Jupiter, lighting up the Western horizon early in the evening that is visible to the naked eye. As a long time student of astrology, I understand this event as the dawning of a new Epoch.

Astrologers refer to Saturn and Jupiter as the social planets, whereas the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars are more personal in their archetypal expressions. Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are transpersonal planets, their movements and alignments affect the earth and the entire solar system. Throughout 2020, Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter were combining their archetypal energies to fuel the death, fear, dismantling of social structures, and extremely divided ideologies. That energy is finally letting go and moving forward.

For many years astrologers have warned that 2020 would be a dark and destructive year. The pandemic and an increase in fascism and uprisings were expected. Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld and we all felt his destructive energy in 2020. However, Pluto also brings resurrection and transformation. Studying astrology and archetypal cosmology has helped me to see that even in the darkest of hours, “this too will pass.” Nothing is permanent. The universe is evolving and we are too.

Still, there is so much to grieve. If you aren’t feeling the grief, then you just might be the source of the grief. Those who refuse to accept the reality and dangers of COVID19 are contributing to Pluto’s death and destruction. They are contributing to the grief. No one is spared because we are not separate, we are woven together into one cosmic tapestry. Our divisions and our sense of separation or superiority are illusions (and Neptune the grand illusionist has also been a member of the 2020 cosmic cast of players). BTW — Trump’s lies can be linked with the placement of Neptune in his birth chart.

2021 will not be like 2020, but it will also present challenges and threats. As we pass the annual solstice and move into the New Year, the days will get longer and there will be more sunlight. The pandemic is far from over. The destruction and damage inflicted on the social institutions we depend on to hold together a civil society are real. We cannot build back better, because the old normal cannot be restored. Personally, I don’t want to continue systems that create extreme economic inequality. We need to envision and create a new social order that acknowledges our shared destiny.

Today marks the dawning of a new Epoch. Saturn and Jupiter are moving from Capricorn to Aquarius, from a conservative earth sign to a freedom-loving, humanitarian, inventive, and even rebellious air sign. Saturn and Jupiter connect every twenty years creating a generational social ethic. They remain in the same element (earth to air, or water, or fire) for two hundred years creating an “Age.” We are officially shifting from a social ethos focused on materialism, exploitation of the earth, authoritarianism, and patriarchy (Capricorn) to a social ethic of freedom, humanitarianism, and intellectual advancement. We are shifting from a culture that primarily values “ownership and materialism” to one that will place a higher value on “knowledge and humanitarian ideals” (Aquarius). Going forward, what you know will be valued more than what you own.

This is also the beginning of an 800-year cycle, so we can look back to the 13th Century, the last time Saturn and Jupiter began a 200 year age in Air signs.

As Jupiter and Saturn move forward to Aquarius, Pluto remains in Capricorn until 2023–2024. Pluto’s placement in Capricorn will continue to dismantle and destroy the institutions created about 240–250 years ago, including the United States of America. We are being called to create, or bring to life, new institutions with the traits of Aquarius. New leaders will emerge with a collaborative non-authoritarian ethos, the kind of leaders that bring out the leadership abilities of everyone around them. I hope that some of the readers of this essay feel that call to serve the greater good. We are the leaders we have been waiting for, and the cosmos is calling us to envision a more just, compassionate, and regenerative world.

Today, I invite you to enter the darkness and tend to your grief. As a hospice and bereavement chaplain, I described grief as a “demanding companion.” I advised people to open the door and welcome in their feelings of grief because when we don’t the grief sabotages our other emotions. Everyone grieves in their own highly personal way, but everyone grieves. Unacknowledged grief can cause physical illness.

Looking back on the last few weeks, I can acknowledge my personal losses. I am no longer a hospice chaplain and I miss being with people. Today, I will take it easy and welcome my grief with soft advent music, several cups of hot tea, and a nice warm bath.

If you are alone with no one to talk to; if you want an empathetic listener; please reach out to someone you trust, or reach out to me with a comment to this post.