100’s of Stories about Spiritual Awakening — No One Seems to Discuss The Difficult and Crucial Integration and Alignment Processes
By: Yohanan Gregorius
Tags: Personal Essay, Spirituality, Spiritual Growth, Addiction, Personal Development

Marcus and Sitara

Souls have universal, or to put it another way, original given names. My soul’s name was Marcus. Lindsey’s soul’s name was Sitara. In the realms of heaven, Marcus and Sitara have been deeply in love with each other since at least the dawn of humanity and probably before. As humans, we have loved other humans before, and we shall again. We know our relationships here are mere roles, but roles that have a lofty purpose.

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

Our love is best described by the lyric from Across the Universe:

Limitless undying love that shines around [us] like a million suns; It calls [us] on and on across the universe

As you see, I define Awakening differently than most. To me, Awakening/ Awareness is when the conscious mind becomes aware that the soul resides in the unconscious mind and that there is a separateness. Everything after that, until it is achieved, is Integration.

For weeks after the cataclysm, I truly felt like Marcus was the separate being that he can be. There were times I would be in a textversation with a friend and I felt like Marcus was having the conversation, not me — I quite enjoyed it. I even told the person on the other side of the internet that she was talking with Marcus, not me. I could tell she thought I was nuts! I didn't care.

This was a very chaotic time for me, yet when I believed Marcus to be in control, I felt calm and philosophical. I literally felt like Marcus and Greg were entirely separate entities sharing this vessel. Had I never asked my spirit guides for my soul’s name, this may not have been the case. But I did, and as difficult as that made comprehension for me, I’m glad I did. Because for me, as I’ve known for months and months while this story was being written and rewritten in my subconscious (I use subconscious and unconscious interchangeably), and as mirror coincidence confirmed last night when texting with a new mutual follower with immense poetic talent, the only way to become the person I am designed to be is a to engage in a total rebuild:

There’s not a gap, but until you “see” that,

observe the illusion of your act.

The painful uncovering of the truth is

the first step for freedom. Then, choose.

Choose to demolish the persona you built,

to walk on the ruins, to mourn, and proceed.

Keep just the healthy parts you’ll find.

Throw all the garbage and the lies.

Undo yourself and watch what’s happening.

Your liberation waits beyond self-labeling.

Build again on a healthy foundation.

Your temple will be your Self, after re-creation,

or — better say — after returning to where “you” came from.

Anthi Psomiadou wrote the excerpted poem around Christmas 2020 but the events described therein happened in my life in May. (I just experienced yet another energy shift Jean Carfantan).

Shortly after awakening, I started to seek the counsel of my spirit guides, facilitated by my channeler since 2010, Anne. I have four guides:

my Donna Reed to love and nurture me, 2) a nurse with a Sanskrit name, 3) a Native American who is my fiercest protector and 4) one whom Anne describes as reminding her of a young accountant, whose role is to offer me practical advice. Shortly before beginning sessions with my guides, I was contemplating what animal would likely be my “Spirit Animal.” After reading a bit about how one can discern their Spirit Animal, I believed mine would be the Elephant. At the first meeting with my spirit guides, which all happen in Anne’s “third eye” at a tree-lined watering hole, our discussions were observed from a distance by an Elephant.

I remember feeling a special connection to this observer. In the next and every subsequent channeling, the Elephant was at the forefront — answering my questions, posing thought-provoking questions to me — if the others chimed in it was clear they were awaiting his signal. I intuitively knew early on how honored I was but waited a week or so before clueing in Anne, waiting for the right segue, which presented itself when she remarked that she was in awe of my Elephant. First, though I asked Anne to ask Elephant its name — the soft-spoken answer confirmed what I sensed.

Photo by Dimitri Houtteman on Unsplash

After the Elephant’s first appearance as an observer, I intuited a connection to Hindu deities. Vishnu, part of the Hindu Trinity of Creator (Brahma), Protector (Vishnu) and Destroyer (Shiva), is synonymous with Ganesh, who is symbolized by an Elephant’s head. My elephant said its name is Rama. Rama is one of Vishnu’s human incarnations. The elephant is my Highest Power. My Elephant-Spirit-Guide is God.😂

With all due respect to my Lord Rama, then, now, and always, nothing is more important to me than my relationship with Lindsey. As I perceived Marcus to be a separate entity from myself, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how Greg has an afterlife. To this day I doubt that Anne and Rama understand what I put myself through. Now they will.

In mid-May, the indented quote to follow was my statement one wonderful night when it really felt like in the moment Marcus was in the conscious with me and that we were typing and thinking in unison — it’s like the thought sounds the same but has a different resonance and calm confidence when I discern alignment — I had experienced this a few times before then, and many times through June, and now it is the norm:

integration is supposed to be a state of seamless interdependence — Greg cannot nor should lose himself to us — we should exist in harmonious symbiosis — we should each be aware of the other and of our separate completeness — the only thought that existed of this before we just wrote it was one word –interdependence

Rama applauded, and then when discussing the after-life, Rama said “you will bridge the gap of Greg and ascend to heaven and be reunited with your eternal love.” After sitting with that for a few days I grew more and more confused. What did “bridge the gap of Greg” mean? Finally, at the end of May, I came up with the ridiculous idea that Greg would go to heaven as a new soul separate from Marcus. When Anne shot that down saying that Greg would imprint on Marcus and otherwise just becomes dust in the ground, I was utterly devastated — completely destroyed — fetal position on the carpet, sobbing — fucking sobbing inconsolably. It was as if Lindsey had died all over again but without the promise that we would be together again one day. I was broken close to beyond repair. Anne’s and my relationship almost ended because I could not comprehend how she didn’t grasp my anguish.

The next day Lindsey repaired me.

I was outside my apartment building when the fog lifted and I’m sure Lindsey was beaming into me. Imprinting does not mean I’m just a footnote in the 17,043 lives of Marcus. Marcus arrived as Marcus but he leaves as Greg!!

I ran upstairs to journal but before I did that I received synchronous confirmation in the form of an alternative video to U2’s One.

The epiphany was that for two months whenever Anne channeled Lindsey for me it was Lindsey, it was not a stranger named Sitara with Lindsey’s memories. So, while Marcus and all 17,042 imprints sparked my life, when I die the soul that leaves is not just 1/17,043rds Greg. It’s Greg, or as I now choose, Gregorius, because Greg = (17,042/17,043 + 1/17,043)=1.

I wrote that day:

I was born February 15, 1967, to [mother] and [father]. My given names are Gregory and Yôḥānān (my Hebrew name — means God is Gracious — a taxi driver in Israel told me that it is a rare and special name — Yonatan being the more common form of Jonathan, which means God has given — duh, God gives everything — God is Gracious is Virtue).

I used to think my Hebrew name was Yôḥānān Liba (beloved). I realize as I type that was simply part of the generic sentence “… beloved son of…. ” Before sparking my life, and thousands of previous lives, my soul’s name was Marcus. From this moment forward until my next incarnation, by the Grace of God and the power Vested in me to create my own Reality, I declare that my Name is “Yôḥānān Gregorius, DNA from [mother] and [father], ignition of cell-division and so much of who I am from Marcus and Marcus’ lives before this one, nurture by [mother], and much thanks to all my friends and loved ones, who will please continue to call me Greg;” but as no light is too bright for my eyes, the nickname Shades is gone.

It no longer matters what my name is. I know that I am I, here, and later in heaven, regardless of how anyone addresses me. Integration completed at 2:58 pm EDT on 5/28/20. Pretty simple actually. One to two and back to One. That is Awakening to Integration — the deconstruction and reconstruction of Greg.

Anthi’s poem that my Muse 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. published yesterday in Know Thyself Heal Thyself is called “Undo Yourself…to find your Self.” Let’s sit with that wonderous synchronicity for a few pregnant-pause-ellipsis.