Ageism and Us.
By: Prarthana Majumdar
Tags: Happiness In Life, Human Behavior, Depression, Age, Motivational

A few weeks ago I asked a friend out for a drink. She shyly dismissed, saying, “Why would you want to hangout with me? I am much older.” I was a bit shocked and retorted, “And why do you think I am such an ageist a-hole?”

But when I thought over it retrospectively, it struck me, how much age-shaming one must be living under to be shying away from a simple drink. One simple drink. There might be people doing a toast on their 100th birthday. Why such a notion, why such inhibitions, why such a self-effacing behavior? Back in Holland, I am friends with a 96 year old man. I love waving to him and greeting him. He loves showing me his youthful pictures. He endlessly talks about his grandkids. Feels amazing to be around someone who is so positive and optimistic at that age. He has always managed to put a smile on my face, and seldom on the contrary. I have also had friends as young as in their early 20’s with whom I love discussing about music, photography and startups. Not to mention ranting about the government

And to be honest, why would I even want to be friends with only people my age. Isn’t it boring to be only talking about trading, crypto, company, Flixing, chef-tales, money, foreign travels and who became what? I am easily bored. I want more variety than that.

We do live in a very ageist society, to put the right word on it. A society that makes you believe that you have hit expiration date when you hit 30. So false and so far from reality. I look at my own trajectory and I see a huge variation with age. I was a rebellious teen. But in my 20’s, I consistently did a desk job with enormous amount of screen time. I loved fashion and clubbing. But that was the end to that life. Since my late 20’s I have only become an adventurer by necessity: balancing research in an emerging country with opening my own company. Forget about fashion and clubbing. I can literally sleep on cold, wet floors on leaky mattresses during camp trips. But no regrets. I am physically way more fit than in my 20’s. Mentally, I am way more confident to deal with unbearable uncertainties in life. I have shipped all boxes in India for my company during the pandemic, alone. That needs a brave bone in the body. Believe me.

Anyway, to confess the truth, I have myself fretted about age quite a lot in the past. But a lot of self-introspection and wise words from friends made me understand one thing: Age will always go on, no coming back. But the good thing, which nobody will ever tell you is that: every age has its flavor. If you can embrace the right flavor at the right age, you are never ever going to regret getting older. You will only want to stop wasting time on such useless wallowing and do something that is fun for you. Yeah I no longer go clubbing that much anymore. But truth be told, I love it a littles less than in my 20’s. On the other hand, I have come to love DIY immensely. Why stifle my own growth and forcefully do “youthful” things when I have come to love other things now? Why think in age-boxes, knowing that there is way more to life than just that number?

People will always find a way to tell you that you are not doing the right thing for your age. The body is getting older and so on and so forth. But nobody accomplished anything till date by panicking about advancing age. There are people who graduate in their late 20’s, women who become moms in their early 40’s, people picking up new serious hobbies after retirement, people breaking up in their late 30’s and starting life all over again. Just imagine what would it be, if they only gave up in the name of age.

When it comes to age and achievements, there will be very few instances when people will come and say positively reinforcing things to you. Human society in general, lacks the originality to see beyond age-boxes. Philosophically, they are instinctual, not relativistic. That is why it believes that there is a certain age to get married, have kids and settle down an so on. But lacks the philosophical sophistication to see that life is relativistic. You can play the same game, but you are playing with a whole different set of cards. Well, if everyone had the same set of cards, what game it is anyway?

We might go through the same education system, same societal values and same familial expectations, but the truth just remains that all people will achieve their milestones at different paces, all people will have different magnitudes of dreams and some achievements will just be more “successful” than others. There’s nothing to fret about it. That everything has to be same for everyone is just a man-made notion. We are just here to live our life in harmony with nature and with each other. If you look at the night skies, some stars are bigger, some are brighter and some look perceptually bigger just because they are closer. But they all co-exist. They all co-exist in a harmonious way to make the universe, which will far outlive us, our civilizations and our endless need to be somewhere. The stars are all aging. One day all of them will burn out, some will collapse in and some will form anew. It’s just the law of the universe.

Consider, yourself a star in this big universe. Small or big, you are shining in your own way, at your own burn rate. You will outlive some stars and some will outlive you. But you are beautiful in your own way and in your own stage in life. You are still “The Star” for your planets.

And if some ageist a-hole every discriminates against you for your age, turn your back to such people and find friends who let you see your own shine. People who are still thinking in age-boxes are not worthy of your time and friendship. And people who truly love and value you will not let a number interfere in the relationship.