Forgiveness, Acceptance, Fear and Freedom
By: Deidre Ann Johnson
Tags: Fear, Forgiveness, Love, Freedom, Acceptance

Photo by Jason Hogan on Unsplash

You have no idea how many times I started things I didn’t finish or want to do things that I didn’t think I could so I didn’t even try. As I look back on my life, I can see how I allowed fear to determine the road I would take — safety at all costs.

I remember being in elementary school and the teacher asking who wanted to be on the track team. I was a fast runner and I so wanted to! But as the beating of my heart quickened to a frightening pace, I stood frozen unable to raise my hand.

Do you remember as a child being in the school auditorium before a play or some such thing and having to stand and sing? Well, I was so shy that although there were a hundred other kids singing, my voice stuck in my throat and I just mouthed the words.

I was a shy kid who always felt like I was on the outside looking in. As I grew to teenage years, I filled that void with over-drinking and pot smoking. As I grew into young adulthood I attracted guys who didn’t treat me with respect, mainly because I didn’t demand it.

At some point, I decided that enough was enough and I over corrected. My heart hardened and I grew cold. If you did something to me that I didn’t like, I’d cut you off and you’d never hear from me again. Clean cut, no regrets.

I lost my mother when I was 19, she was 42. As I approached the fourth decade of my life, I decided I no longer wanted to live in fear. I took an acting class, (I had always wanted to be an actor), joined an off-off Broadway theater group, made many friends with whom I am still in connection with today and sang on a Cabaret stage here in NYC. Absolutely one of the best times of my life, hands down.

Through acting, I realized that I didn’t have full access to the emotions that I needed to fully develop the characters that I played or, more honestly, the emotion that I accessed with ease was anger and I had to figure out why.

Through this years long journey of self-reflection, I’ve learned that in order to achieve what you truly want and deserve, you must do three things: practice radical forgiveness, radical acceptance and move through your fear.

Visualize every single thing that you felt bad about or were afraid of and forgive yourself. See yourself at every stage of your life and give that self a big hug and kiss, then pull him/her into your heart.

After this, think about the person you are and be honest. Accept the entire person you are — the good, the bad and the ugly. Acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t change what you don’t like about yourself, it just means that you know who you are and you accept it without judgement. This gives you space to know that you are deserving of what you truly want.

Finally, move through your fear. Everyone is afraid. As Jack Canfield says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

Meditate on having a heart that is completely open and a soul that is authentic and vulnerable. Practice radical forgiveness and radical acceptance and move through your fears. Only then can you develop enduring and meaningful relationships, first with yourself, then with others and finally, with the way you choose to live your life.