People Actually Believe That Donald Trump Is Not a Rapist
By: Christyl Rivers
Tags: Rape, Empowerment, Life Experience, Feminism, Womanhood

People Actually Believe That Donald Trump Is Not a Rapist

In general, people believe what they need to believe to defend their stance

Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash

E. Jean Carroll saved the dress. You know, the one with the semen stain on it from when she was raped by Donald Trump in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman’s Department Store in the mid 1990’s. If the sample is viable proof, the only thing left to disbelievers of Trump’s predatory and misogynistic nature is everything they love about him. But more than that, because people are easily led to believe that Trump is the true victim, and women are liars.

Let me clarify that. He has, on several occasions, expressed his vile nature and even bragged about assaulting women. Then, of course, he dismisses their claims with phrases like “not my type,” Or other insults.

I think that people, many of them, and most especially older, richer, white men, do not believe that Ms. Carroll was raped. Nor do they believe an appalling number of accusers. They hear his words, even note his behavior and his record. They simply see that women are lying, devious, gold-digging harpies out to make men, especially powerful men, look bad. They see that one woman’s lurid story could “ruin his life.” In some cases, they assume her life is enriched. They don’t see the death threats. They don’t believe she is truly traumatized.

This week a federal district judge in Manhattan dismissed the government (yes, we the peoples’) claim that Ms. Carroll should not be entitled to defend her reputation. The Justice Department, who presumably works for you and me, argued that Ms. Carroll was alleging something that affected, negatively, the idea of whether Mr. Trump is “fit for office.” The Carroll team argued, successfully, that as this was decades ago, Mr. Trump and Ms. Carroll were both private citizens, and therefore it had nothing to do with his role as president. Whether he is “fit for office” however important to the entire world, was not deemed crucially relevant to her claim.

The judge agreed that Carroll was credible in asserting she was defamed.

You were likely dismissed

But as a private woman, one of many millions who have been raped, I am far more interested in why so many people are able to blithely dismiss so many women. The main reasons always come back to defensiveness, rape culture, and power dynamics.

People think rape, and especially “acquaintance rape” is about lust and sex gone wrong. Trump barely knew Carroll, but they recognized one another. He and his supporters most likely feel that she was damn lucky to get any attention from such a “successful” man. They cannot conceive of the idea that she has her own purpose, her own talents, her own income. They think she just wants to leach off of his.

A man, who sees himself heartbroken by a rejecting woman, has no trouble fixing his mind to believe it’s all the fault of women, feminism, and how treacherous women are. It is the entire basis for the men’s rights movement.

Let’s set aside the fact that some people view Trump’s misogyny and racism not as a bug, but a feature. They revel in his ability to “own the libtards and feminists.” The other people, those who are just willing to convince themselves of it, simply assume that he is an innocent, falsely accused man. They see Trump as a huge target for all those who want to take advantage of his wealth, his influence, his power, and his success. They see Ms. Carroll as one of these opportunistic parasites.

But I digress. Let’s get back to the kind of rape you and I are most familiar with. You go out with a guy, maybe drinking, partying, maybe not. You enjoy some making out. The kissing is fine, but suddenly he wants to push farther. You try to deflect advances. Maybe you even repeat “no” in so many utterances. But he knows what you really want. He knows you want him to be the strong, powerful, and forceful once because he knows most women just don’t want to own up to just how slutty we really are. You are raped, but you are the one who feels shame. The societal structure is set up for this. It is the system we are actively trying to reform.

In a nutshell, where it belongs but not where it really is, this casual rape event is descriptive of where so many men and women find themselves. Men simply don’t see themselves as rapists. They are taught to push with just as much social pressure as women are taught to demure. When called out on it, they simply assert that they don’t know why she is lying about their tryst.

Libs want to dump Trump, wouldn’t they lie to do so?

What about conservative women who think Trump is a maligned victim? Are they insane? I think many believe he is “flawed” and many believe he is not. For some, despite his foibles, all they need to know is that he defends their values and can do no wrong in that effort. He will slay the threats they perceive to marriage and family: Feminists, LGBTQ, BIPOC, refugees and migrants, environmentalists, and non-Christians who are pro-choice.

These are the enemy. They want special rights and privileges. They want to undermine all that makes “America Great.” They want to defend, at all costs, their men, boys, and breadwinners against vicious and scheming peoples who would make monsters of every red-blooded man who was just following his boy will be boys’ nature.

This type of thinking, that good people are just under attack, is challenged by admitting someone like Trump is dangerous. It is the outsiders and revolutionaries want to destroy all that is good and pure. These enemies insist that they are victims of rape culture and patriarchy. Black and white thinking prevails because it is so much easier than true self-examination.

It is challenged by the millions of women who know what is hidden in their own hearts. We have to reveal that trauma.

Most women prior to a certain age in recent history do not even know that coercion, or non-consent, means that she was raped. They review their sad history as having been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and/or should have realized that in some way she “was asking for it.”

This message is more like a harpoon to the heart than a simple dart.

It is so entrenched, and unbearable, that for most of human history it was just buried in the dark places and deep wounds of the female psyche. Ask your grandmother, or aunt. They will confirm it is true. Ask every male you have ever known. They will likely say they never “forced” anyone. They truly don’t know that they have.

Outside agitators are indeed trying to change this narrative. We are trying, and in some baby steps, succeeding in spreading the word that boys and men should be taught “don’t rape.” But until men and women recognize what rape is, we have mess upon mess, and even messier defensive human beings — especially the male beings in power — shutting the lesson off.

Tell the truth, even if it hurts

I think what we need is more transparency and an end to shame. Slut-shaming, and just plain women-shaming, is still very strong and influential.

Teach your boys and girls about magnificent masculinity, not just toxic masculinity. True support and strength of manhood that calls out other men will dismantle the argument on the far right that says all feminists just want to whine about victimhood.

I think we want, not to wallow in our victimhood, but to celebrate women who have the courage, despite death threats and hate mail, to stand up like E. Jane Carroll and the other nineteen women who have come forward with allegations against Trump.

Trump tells everyone that he is President Trump. A great many people know he is Predator Trump. His weakness is evident when he pretends to support women even as he calls every ex a liar, a porn star an opportunist, and every female a potential parasite.

How do we convince those who want a more simple story to support their bias? I think we just keep telling the truth with as much understanding of their need to believe they are right as we can. They are right in that they truly believe they know of their innocence.

A regular guy, or the mother of a son, cannot conceive of them too, as victims of what culture has taught for thousands of years: Men push, women cave.

Women get pregnant, sometimes, and “there should be some kind of punishment for that.”

Then there are those conservatives who truly fear the unknown. What will it be like when people with “privileges” try to take what is their known world? They honestly believe, often, that they know what is best for everybody to avoid that possibility: Stay stuck in comfortable, false narratives.

It would never in a million years have occurred to me to “save the dress.” Even today, very few women want to tell of their own humiliation. Despite this, I am so hopeful for the braver, stronger, women and men, of this new century.

The truth is messy, full of accusations and pain. Yet, we have to uncover it. It is the only way through the trauma. Not over, under, or burying it, but confronting it with understanding and truth.