Why Did I Remain in or Join a Controlling Religion?
By: Deborah Christensen
Tags: Mental Health, Christianity, Religious Trauma Syndrome, Course, Religion

Welcome to the second article in the course Reclaim Your Life: Rebuild Your Identity in relation to healing from harmful religion.

Safety and Security

These are both primary and equally valid reasons and motivations (often unconscious) for why people either join or remain for a while in an authoritarian style religion.

You may recognise yourself in some of these.

You can either choose to listen to me talk on this subject via the video or you can read through a condensed article written below.

Listen to these words and phrases.

STOP. Really listen.

Death. Eternal damnation. Armaggedon. Eternal life. Master plan.

Preset book of rules to follow.

The outside world portrayed as dangerous.

Internal compass of our body as a source of guidance taught to mistrust.

Security

So many of us are taught that if you believe a certain way or follow and dedicate yourself to a specific diety, you will never die.

This teaching brings a sense of safety against the innate human fear of death.

The promise of never dying (as long as we accept “their” way of believing) is a compelling force.

STOP.

Recognise as humans how powerful that belief is of NEVER really dying if we believe in Jesus, or follow a certain faith.

We are promised eternal life.

So, then we never have to worry about dying or being permanently dead (only our physical body will die).

This teaching (which can become a belief) is a powerful incentive for staying or belonging in a religion.

Fear of eternal damnation/Hellfire/Armaggedon

When I grew up in Jehovah’s Witnesses (JWs) we had a book we studied regularly in the congregation and within our family, which was called Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained.

There were depictions within this book of Armaggedon, which had a powerful effect on me as a child (and many others).

The images were designed to be fear-inspiring.

And they were.

These sort of images can become embedded in your psyche.

These images brought on panic attacks years later (after I had left JWs) whenever we had a major thunderstorm.

Fear of Satan

A scripture I was quoted as a child and which conjured up powerful and frightening images in my mind was the scripture:

1 Peter 5 v 8: Satan walks around like a roaring lion seeking to devour someone.

Photo by Adam King on Unsplash

I used to have a nightmare for years which started in childhood of being chased by a male lion which had escaped from somewhere and it was only after ME.

I always ended up running into a house and climbing up as high as I could into a cupboard, but the dream would end with the lion coming into the room and seeking me out, and I would wake up terrified at the point where I knew I could not get away.

This dream carried on into adulthood although not as frequently and has been one of those frightening reoccurring dreams that now and then raise their ugly head.

Fear of “world”

Many of us were taught that all of the “world” of humans outside of our faith is under the power and influence of Satan and the demons.

This sort of common fundamentalist teaching teaches you to mistrust all other people who are not of your faith.

I was taught that even if people appear friendly they are likely wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7 v 15).

For myself, I was also taught that churches of other Christian and nonchristian religions were never to be entered into as it constitutes false worship not even for weddings or funerals.

Walking into another faith’s place of worship we were taught was akin to walking into the belly of Satan.

Fear

Many fundamentalist and authoritarian religions regularly present the rest of the world as being chaotic and inherently unsafe.

Any venturing socially into this world outside of the faith/church community is often therefore strongly discouraged.

If this teaching is continually drummed into you for years on a consistent basis (that the world outside of your faith, is dangerous, and if you leave you will lose God’s favour and love and be open to demon attack) this works on an emotional level — not a logical level.

This concept/teaching is a potent and fearful force which can play on your psyche and emotions.

Fear is a compelling reason why you may have stayed for as long as you did.

Hellfire

Many are taught (not as directly today as in the past) that they will burn eternally in hell if they leave the faith.

This teaching can have a huge psychological effect on people.

I met a lady in her 70s who had left her Catholic faith decades previously but still attended mass on certain “special days” as she was so intensely afraid of this doctrine. She 100% no longer believed it, but on an emotional level, and visceral level, the fear was so deep, she could not alter her behaviour.

Safety and Security are not just about BELONGING but also FEAR of PUNISHMENT if you LEAVE.

These sort of religions often have pre-set moral guidelines or rules to follow, which are said to come directly from God and people are taught to not trust in their own understanding, heart or intuition.

I was taught always to be suspicious of my thoughts and feelings.

I grew up with scriptures quoted to me from the Jehovah’s Witnesses own translation of the bible The New World Translation such as:

“Do not trust in your own understanding” (Proverbs 3 v 5–6). “To the making of many books, there is no end” (Ecclesiastes 12 v 12). The interpretation of this that was given to me was that you can’t trust worldly knowledge, but you can only trust the bible as interpreted by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses. “The flesh is weak” (Matthew 26 v 41). The message taught from this was never to trust in your own instincts. We are “conceived in sin” (Psalms 51 v 5). This was interpreted and taught that we are all inherently bad, and sinful and so therefore must not trust our own inner guidance, voice, knowledge, heart.

You are taught that you must ONLY trust the guidance from the church or organisation that is approved by God (as determined by your church faith as being themselves).

In Jehovah’s Witnesses, that is considered to be a ‘governing body’ that God directly sheds light on bible understanding too, which is then passed onto the rest of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

So in this way we were taught never to question a hierarchy of authority.

Questioning is sinful and bad

If you did question any teachings, then you are seen as having an evil heart or being apostate.

The example in my religion we were given was that of Lot’s wife who turned back when told by God not to, and she then immediately was turned into a pillar of salt (an old testament bible story).

The moral of the story was that if we disobey any teaching from the bible (as interpreted by the governing body of JWs) then we will have dire consequences directly from God.

So, if you have been taught to never trust in your own self; to fear what your own body is thinking and feeling; and taught that your heart is always full of sin then this can make it incredibly difficult to leave, and if you do leave it makes it difficult to be able to learn to make decisions for yourself with any degree of confidence.

Disconnection from body/self

Trying to figure out what is past, and what is current, and to be present in our body can often be very difficult for those of us always taught to mistrust our body.

We can become very disconnected from ourselves.

For myself, at first, I could only recognise large swings in my physical body, such as a racing heart, or heavy breathing. Then, when I would notice something physically was happening (once it had reached a stage of overwhelm), I would realise I had an emotional reaction.

It has taken me a couple of years of concentrated conscious effort and work to be able to sit, turn inward and listen and look to my internal self and body and be able to recognise these little subtle changes, differences and shifts in tension (often appearing as colours, feelings, heaviness, tingles, lightness, pain) to identify my emotional shifts and reactions.

These changes in our body are very important signposts to listen to and be aware of, as they are indicators of YOU and YOUR thoughts and feelings on an issue/matter/subject.

People from chaotic backgrounds can find relief in surety and rigid structure

So, being given a pre-determined set of rules to follow, having strict rules and structure, and not having to figure it out yourself may all be a RELIEF for some people.

It may be a relief, especially for someone who comes from a chaotic background or family.

To suddenly come into a church family where there is structure, a master plan, a pre-determined set of rules, a hierarchy, and the future is assured if we follow all of these — can offer a sense of safety and security for many that they don’t find anywhere else.

These are all VALID reasons that many remain in a church, or why you yourself may have joined or stayed for so many years.

It also is a reason why it can be SO HARD when you leave if that is the way your mind has been indoctrinated for so many years.