5 Realities About Domestic Violence That We Should Never Forget
By: Michelle Brown
Tags: Life, Abuse, Domestic Violence, Relationships, Love

5 Realities About Domestic Violence That We Should Never Forget

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1. Love Plays A Huge Role.

Loving someone who is abusive happens all the time.

Domestic violence doesn’t usually start out ugly and violent. In fact, quite often, these relationships begin with comfort, ease, and a genuine bond of love. It’s not like it’s a hostage situation where a person is kidnapped and then forced to love an abuser.

A victim of domestic violence is likely very much in love with their abuser — or at least hangs on to the memories of when they were happily in love.

The reason why it can be so difficult for many people to extract themselves from abusive relationships is because of love. When you love someone you don’t necessarily want to believe that they would want to hurt you.

If you’re madly in love with a person who is abusing you, you’ll find whatever excuses you can to create a reality that justifies staying with them.

Many domestic abuse victims will convince themselves that they somehow deserve the abuse or that if it doesn’t happen very often it’s ok to just pretend it’s not a problem. It's not rational. You can’t try and explain this mindset to an outsider. They simply won’t understand.

Love can blind even the savviest of us into believing that abusive behavior is somehow either justified or not even happening at all.

Loving someone who is abusive is OK. Tolerating the abuse or thinking that it’s ok is not.

2. It Can Happen To Men Too.

It’s not spoken about very much but men can be the victims of domestic violence as well.

According to the Center for Disease Control’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, one in seven men reported experiencing severe physical violence by an intimate partner during their lifetime.

Severe physical violence includes being hit with a fist or something hard, kicked, hurt by pulling hair, slammed against something, choked, suffocated, beaten, burned on purpose, or threatened with a knife or gun.

Many men generally don’t speak out because they fear ridicule or appearing weak to their family or friends if they admit they’re being assaulted or abused by a female partner.

According to journalist and author Cathy Young, more than 200 studies have confirmed that in violent relationships women are as likely as men to be the aggressors.

There is also widespread domestic abuse among same-sex couples. The research reported in the journal Partner Abuse has revealed that when police are called for a domestic dispute, the arrest of both parties is more likely in same-sex couples than in heterosexual couples, and protective orders are far more likely to be granted to women than to men.

3. It’s Still Swept Under The Rug By Families.

Domestic violence patterns can be carried down throughout the generations. It can be an insidious family trait that is exemplified by parents for their children to witness over and over again.

When a child grows up around violence, it’s highly likely they will see violence as an answer, a solution, or simply as an acceptable way in which to take out their feelings of frustration and aggression — on another human being.

If a mother is abused by a father and consistently stays silent, she may end up teaching a daughter that this kind of behavior is not only acceptable but that it should not ever be talked about to anyone. She may very well be teaching a son certain behaviors as well while that son is already witnessing his father abuse his mother.

When adult children enter into relationships that are abusive after growing up in a household of domestic violence, they may have trouble telling the difference between healthy relationship behavior and non-healthy relationship behavior.

Moreover, parents who exhibited and tolerated abuse in the home are much more likely to simply sweep signs of abuse happening in their children’s relationships under the rug for fear of confronting their own mistakes and choices.

4. It Happens To Powerful People Too.

You don’t need to be poor to be a victim of domestic violence. You don't need to be disadvantaged to be a victim of domestic violence. You don’t need to be less educated to be a victim of domestic violence.

Falling in love with someone who turns out to be abusive can happen to anyone.

Finding yourself in an abusive relationship has nothing to do with your intelligence or your standing in life. It happens to the smartest, most well-put-together people you can find — from all walks of life.

Even the richest and most powerful people can find themselves in a relationship that includes violence. They may even have more resources than the ordinary person and still can’t seem to find their way out of an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence can happen in any neighborhood. Don’t assume a nice home would never be able to house violence. The worst kind of abuse can happen in the prettiest of homes — and within the nicest of families.

Abuse is abuse. Every person — no matter how much money they have in their bank account or how much standing they have in society — deserves to be treated with dignity and compassion.

5. It’s A Pandemic.

According to a Global Study on Homicide, of all women globally who were the victims of homicide in 2017, more than a third were killed by a partner from a current or past relationship.

Thirty-five percent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence, according to the United Nations.

The good news is that Between 1994 and 2011, the rates of serious intimate partner violence perpetrated on women fell 72%. Additionally, 18.1% of intimate partner violence victims received assistance from a victims’ service agency in 2018, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics.

These days we do have more resources, more places to call, and we are more aware of how domestic violence affects women, children, AND men.

However, domestic violence certainly hasn’t gone anywhere, and per The BBC News, The UN has described the worldwide increase in domestic abuse as a “shadow pandemic” alongside Covid-19.

It’s thought cases have increased by 20% during the lockdown, as many people are trapped at home with their abuser.

Domestic violence is still happening all over the world in homes everywhere. It is still predominately killing women. It IS a pandemic.

Any one of us is bound to know someone who has been impacted in some way by domestic violence. Just because every case isn’t splashed across the internet news media day in and day out doesn’t mean it’s not still happening globally at an unacceptable rate.

Domestic abuse hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

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