Burn Out and How to Cope
By: Pauline S.
Tags: Self Care, Burnout

[I feel like writing in English today. Pardon my broken English]

I don’t deny that burn out do exist. I just hadn’t prepared myself on how to cope with that. I do know that people who work in the creative industry or creative person are more prone to get burn out. The thing is, I didn’t realize it attacked me until I was burnt.

The story started when I got back to Singapore and the country went into full lock down. We are (still) not allowed to go to the office. We were even not allowed to do groceries (We had to do it quickly and the government applied the “odd-even” systems. So if you have an even number for your IC, then you go out in the even date). Don’t get it wrong, it was a joyful news for me! I am a freaking introvert. So the rule allowed me to be ‘myself’ (read: no need to unnecessarily interact with people). Moreover, the load of work decreased because people were still adjusting to the new normal (not a good thing for business tho).

Shortly, the months went by so fast until the rule becomes looser cause the number of the infected person went down. Life is starting to go back to normal means the work load start to pace up again plus there are some new adjustments in my company (that I can’t share) that were not pleasant. I asked myself ‘are you okay?’, and she said she was. But then I started to get irritated easily. When things got a little bit wrong, I started to get anxious. When people asked for my reasoning of some acts I’ve done, I felt it was a personal attack. Then I got worse insomnia. Got a little bit paranoid on some works that I’ve done. Forgot something easily. Questioned myself. And something more along that line. Initially, I blamed to my monthly guest and her magic to ruin my logic. But then it happened outside that period. I was in disbelief but I start to re-ask myself, ‘You don’t act like yourself. Are you really okay?. Then she said, ‘probably not.’ I start to reevaluate myself why and when it goes wrong.

The answer maybe is because I was beating myself up. When I procrastinated, I was telling myself to get up and do something. I was wasting my time and youth. When I wanted to buy something that made me happy, I said it is unnecessary you are wasting your money what if bad things happened and you don’t have money. When I wanted to catch up with my friends, I was assuming that they don’t want to get out during this crazy period. I was hard on myself.

So I told my manager that I need a break from work and she happily offered me a week out. Don’t think about work. Just enjoy your own companion. She said.

Then I did it. I shut my mean self by allocating some money (that is quite big but luckily is covered :P) and excuse my self to chill. I went to massage. Got a nice staycation at MBS. Had a nice expensive dinner with my friend. Bought some skincare and things. Signed up for classes (and here I found about candle making and pottery workshop that made me so chill afterward). I filled fulfill.

I realized that I got burnout cause I did the mundane things. The repetition of the routine. Even though I don’t detest the routine, but the repetition makes me sick plus there is no option to tweak it during this pandemic. When I did something new, like workshop classes, I feel like gaining some new skills and it boosts my self-esteem. Turn out I fell in love with pottery and it opens a new window for me! I even ticked one item in my things-to-do-before-30 list.

To sum up. Know yourself better. Sometime your head say your fine but your body say holy-freaking no! Based on the book that I read, the symptoms can be irritation (like mine), insomnia, lose appetite, lose weight, even illness from light to severe. So listen to yourself. I found out that when I walk (yes, I add this to my routine, walking!), I let myself out with no distraction but music. Then I get conversation with myself. It surprises me that actually my soul can talk to me and I feel way lighter afterward.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t get burn out anymore. It will come to you like a thief, but you will know how to handle yourself when it attacks you. Like bring the umbrella in case it rains. So yeah, this solution may become mundane in the future, but it works best for me now and I should keep it. :)