What is ego anyway?
Tags: Psychology, Philosophy, Psychedelics, Ego, Spirituality

I’ve been labelling any part of myself that I cant accept and don’t want to and calling it my ‘ego’ which I seemingly want to continually ‘kill’. I’ve been under the notion that the ‘ego ‘ is a bad thing and needs to be killed for ‘enlightenment’. But what is ‘bad’ really? Something which we don’t desire? ‘Good’ is something that we do desire? This idea of wanting to kill the ego without proper understanding of it is simply because I’ve coined it as a ‘bad’ thing that plays right into duality.

In order to reach inner peace, we must not ‘get rid’ of ‘bad’ things and get encourage ‘good’ things but accept both as equals who play equal parts in our lives and everything around us. Otherwise we’re no different than a dog chasing its own tail.

My ‘ego’ is not to be killed but just to be accepted. I term any part of myself and any thought that I have which I think I’m not supposed to have as my ‘ego’.

But that is not what the ‘ego’ is, isn’t it? The ‘ego’ is the identity we give ourselves in this human form that separates us from the rest. Our fears, insecurities, anxieties and also the good qualities we associate with ourselves such as love, empathy, compassion, etc. These are also a part of us aren’t they?

Now, we are all a part of one consciousness, all a part of the universe, projecting ourselves onto each other through multiple perspectives, experiencing ourselves through multiple ‘ego’s’ and identities and in order to be one with the ‘source’, we must transcend this individuality, this ‘ego’. But why? Because this individuality is what separates us from our true self, which is the entire universe as a whole, the skies, the plants, the trees, nature, animals, other human beings, planets, dust, concrete, they are all one and the same.

This oneness can be felt through various means like psychedelics, spiritual awakening, extreme existentialism, healing from psychological trauma, or simply deep thinking (philosophy). We may feel a ‘glimpse’ of this ‘oneness’ through these means but in order to reach a state of pure awareness of this oneness, we must transcend our sense of ‘individuality, that which makes us feel we are ‘separate’ from all of this beauty. But how do we do this? By killing the ego? why does the ego exist in the first place then? I’ve tried killing my ego a lot and it doesn’t seem to be the key because I don’t accept this ego as a part of myself. What is “me” anyway?, what is this “you”?, what is “I”? and what is ‘individuality’?

“You” are the awareness behind the thoughts that run through your head which you perceive as your own. “You” are not your “thoughts”, you are the observer sitting behind those thoughts watching them pass by, catching each one of them and trying to make sense of each one, which is what overthinking usually is.

So can we stop our thoughts? Not really, we don’t even know where they originate from but what we can do is choose to not pay attention to each thoughts that arises in our heads. This does take a lot of practice initially to achieve. Giving attention and trying to make sense of each one of our thoughts can be pretty self-destructive since there’s no end to their profoundness or stupidity. Instead, you can practice observing them like clouds passing by and just be, just let them pass by. Meditation really helps a lot in being able to do this.

So now this ‘awareness’, is this ‘awareness’ what we reach when we transcend the ego? How do we transcend this ego? cuz if we do, then there remains no notion of ‘self’. That is part of the journey to figure out. I find that maintaining a certain dance with the ego and the awareness behind it helps me enjoy both aspects of the “I”. My ‘separation from everything and the “oneness” which is its exact opposite. Finding a balance between the two is where it’s at I think.