10 Actions to Control Your Ego
By: Khawaja Saud Masud
Tags: Self Improvement, Personal Development, Self Esteem, Ego, Control

So it doesn’t control you

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

My personal experiences have distilled a clear life lesson in that to have a fulfilling life, the ego must be contained. Yes, ego is not necessarily evil and may even be an important catalyst for progression. But ego is tricky to manage sometimes because it doesn’t have clear boundaries, breach of which would signal to the person to start pulling in the reigns!

Before I share the 10 actions that may help contain the ego, I have to punctuate that in all these actions, the underlying theme is gratitude, without which, in my view, ego will control us than vice versa.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. ~Marcus Tullius Cicero

1. Fast often

Hunger has a carnal, physical and immediate way of curbing the ego. It reminds us of our dependence on availability of nourishment and the fragility of the human body. After a long day of fasting the first drop of water feels precious and a sense of rejuvenation takes over, followed by a sense of thankfulness.

2. Attend funerals

In addition to supporting the grieving friends and family and paying respect to the departed, one is shaken up by the proximity of death with every funeral. Frequently recalling ‘momento mori’ or ‘remember you must die’ keeps the finiteness of life in constant perspective, thus rarely allowing one to ride the wings of ego and float into the skies of delusion. Burials, especially keep us grounded in more ways than one.

3. Volunteer time

Helping teach the underprivileged has a remarkably strong imprint on one’s psyche. There are moments of awe, for example, when you find children staring at a color pencil box finally open it up for the first time and 20 minutes later draw and color their first parrot in all its glory with their eyes wide open and smiles even wider. The realization of what small things we take for granted is so deep that one can’t help but feel gratitude for what is already given and the joy of becoming a conduit of joy for others.

4. Compete up

As a 40+ year old, try competing with someone in their early 20s in an intense sport or physical activity. Then try to engage a 70-something old who has lived a well-examined life in a philosophical debate. In both cases the realization of your physical and wisdom gaps becomes apparent in a short span of time. Waves of humility begin to thrash against the jagged rocks of ego and that's a good thing.

5. Give charity every three months

Without cameras rolling, of course, physically provide for food and clothes to people in need. Though nowadays, with Coronavirus lockdowns instituted globally, it may be a bit more logistically challenging, however the idea is to engage in charitable acts throughout the year. No human being with a beating heart can dare to forget the eyes of the people he or she helps in person. These images are constant reminders how fickle fate is sometimes and keeps us on our humble toes.

6. Have a sense of humor

If you can’t take a good roasting, then maybe it is time to revisit ‘project self-esteem’ in earnest. A good joke at your expense should take some of the heavy bravado air out and leave you breathing lighter, cleaner oxygen! That is why people with strong family ties tend to have better social coping skills since they give and take lifelong ‘soft jabs’ with self-deprecating humor embedded deep in their DNA.

7. Follow your role model

Have a role model or two that you truly admire in personality and conduct and not just skill. Often, highly skilled idols can disappoint their fans by their personal behavior. Observe how this role model acts when showered with accolades, when speaking to the everyday person, when the spotlight is burning hot or when the limelight is dim. In different circumstances, a well grounded person will always reflect his or her values of humility and poise. Emulate that goodness.

8. Listen to Einstein and Socrates

“Ego=1/Knowledge. More the knowledge lesser the ego, lesser the knowledge more the ego.” ~Albert Einstein

The more knowledge we acquire the more we realize we are perpetual students in an eternally unfolding game of knowledge-seeking. Pride shouldn’t sustain in the presence of knowledge that continues to grow, especially for those who stay humble enough to keep seeking.

I know that I know nothing. ~Socrates

This is despite being considered one of the greatest thinking minds of his time. Acquiring knowledge only reminded Socrates of him waking up to the tip of the iceberg of wisdom. This is true freedom from ego.

9. ‘Tear down this wall’

Ronald Regan’s Berlin speech ended with ‘…tear down this wall!’ These four words should be branded in any person’s mind who grapples with his pride. Ego is one heck of a wall-builder. It will not only insulate one from the outside world but also push his loved ones inside over to the other side of the wall. People with inflated egos, I have noticed, struggle a lot more with loneliness in the later part of their lives. Ego will bring upon unnecessary suffering in your personal relationships and the result is a compounded effect over decades. Don’t let this wall get too high.

10. Pray with sharp focus

The act of sincere asking is one of the most humbling experiences in life — comparable to none, in my view. A prayer is infinite in its ask but immensely submissive in act. Acknowledging one’s lack of complete control and dependency on external factors moderates aggressive and ambitious behavior. We all need this counterbalance in our lives for clearer thinking, better resiliency and greater mental and emotional well-being.

Wishing you an ego that serves you well, not the other way around.