What Not To Say When Your Kid Says They Don’t Like Their Body.
By: Angela Barnett
Tags: Body Image, Body Positive, Kids, Acceptance

What Not To Say When Your Kid Says They Don’t Like Their Body. Angela Barnett Jul 5·4 min read

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

I’m no parenting expert and I don’t even like ‘tips for parents’ because they often sound really good but they don’t seem to work for my kids. And then I wonder if it’s me, my kids or the expert who got it wrong.

I really just wrote that headline so you would open this hoping to find something to say to your kids when they say they don’t like their bodies.

I don’t have the perfect words. I don’t even have very good words.

All I’ve got is the words I would have said to myself if I could go back to when I didn’t like my body and was able to say something. Current me to younger me. But as I can’t do that I’m sharing these words with you in the hopes you might be able to filch a gem and change it around to make it work with your kids.

And if it doesn’t work, you know who to blame. Me, the not parent expert.

Here’s younger me. Aged 9. Ish. And that’s my best friend Hilary.

I used to be ashamed of this snap in the family photo album and stashed it under my bed. I hated how I looked bigger than Hilary.

If I could have a chat to myself I would say “it’s OK!” But you’re hating on the wrong thing.

There is nothing wrong with either of your bodies.

What’s wrong is that society has told young girls that they should be small and not take up too much space in this world.

What’s wrong is that our culture tells young girls not be too tall, too big, too loud, too strong, too anything other than small and pleasing and pretty.

Pffft.

You can hate on this idea and get as angry as you like and raise your fists against this ridiculousness and call BS but never ever hate on your body because it doesn’t know the rules society creates — and they’re mostly created to keep us fearful and spending money on things like diets and potions and lotions and gym memberships (which never make you taller or shorter no matter what they promise).

The good news is your body has its own plan! It really does.

It already knows how to get you through the crazy thing coming up called puberty — and buckle up, this will be a wild ride. You might have growth spurts, then your body might rest and not grow for a while. It knows how tall and how big you will be when you’ve finished doing all the growing. It even knows how big your boobs will be (but maybe lower your expectations in this department).

Your body is doing the best it can to push through gravity and help you grow upwards. It’s a goddam miracle.

The only thing you need to do is be your body’s champion. Be kind to it and keep enjoying it.

When you’re not posing for dumb photos, keep burning down the hill pedalling like a crazy mofo with Hilary hanging onto your carrier on roller skates.

Keep finding the things that make your body feel good.

Float.

Dance.

Read in your favourite tree.

I know you and Hilary make jokes about your size, telling people she was a prem baby to explain your differences but don’t keep saying that. It adds to this idea that girls and women are meant to shrink themselves down to be small and pleasing and pretty — and all look the same.

You’re both growing differently and you’re meant to be different. Like flowers and plants and trees.

This is your one life in that one body that’s built just for you — correction, that you’re building all by yourself, just for you.

So you have permission from me to say a big UP YOURS to any rules about what you should or shouldn’t look like.

And btw, that yellow dress is GOLD.

Love,

Older you. Or maybe it’s older me.