Life is always now
By: Sakib Jamal
Tags: Reflections, Bangladesh, Birthday

It’s not linear, and maybe that’s a good thing…

February 14, 2021

Every year on my birthday, I try to write my thoughts down as a means to pause and reflect on another year of my life. It is around this time every year that I realize I am a skeptic and a pessimist — I often see my birthday not as a celebration, but as another year gone by in a ticking time-bomb towards the end of life — I have so much left to do before then.

I lay in bed and ask myself a gazillion questions:

Did I achieve everything I wanted to achieve this year? Am I taking care of my health? Will I find love again? Did I learn from my mistakes? How are my friends from Syedpur’s kindergarten class — did they fix that broken fan that would squeak like crazy but would provide some respite from the grueling North Bengal heat? Is it unfair that I had the opportunity to go to a great college on a scholarship, but the kid who was 100x smarter and who’d teach me IB math in Hong Kong didn’t get an offer from any of his top schools? Do schools even matter? What about my future? What about my parent’s future — how do I fulfill my duties as a son? Will I have this same level of energy and intensity to get sh*t done next year?

I am excited about the future, and I’m grateful that I now work in a role that pays me to make educated guesses about what I think will happen 3,5,10 years from now… But despite all that: life is always now — and all my worries notwithstanding, I am immensely grateful for it.

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Here are things I learned — themselves subject to change — that got me one step closer to understanding the purpose:

1) The importance of learning together and giving back: my mom always tried to instill this in me — “you don’t lose anything by giving” — but I recently found out there are selfish reasons as to why you should do it e.g. diverse counter-points, learning together, finding like-minded people, etc. It’s why I decided to publish my thoughts this year… Worst case, it’s a nice thing to look back on a few years from now, best case, someone somewhere will be able to relate to this.

2) It doesn’t get easier: Just as you have to taper down your growth rates when modeling your revenue 10 years out (well, not in the case of Amazon…), or when it gets harder and harder to be in a caloric deficit as you lose weight — life doesn’t get easier per se. But the best people a) face reality and act accordingly (pay a price that accounts for that 10th year 2% growth rate) or b) they achieve the mental toughness and discipline to keep going (they know it’s hard, but they’ll still eat 1,200 calories until they hit their goal).

3) Do what you need to do to maximize productivity/health: Almost every week, I’ll have a day or two where I nap for 30 minutes in the afternoon. Those who know me laugh about it, but it’s what I need to do to function and give my best. The takeaway here is that I need to stop being so rigid about what’s ‘normal’ — if we all chased being normal, we’d never make any progress.

4) Be brutally honest with yourself: Back in college, I convinced myself I’d go to the library because it increased my productivity and I’d get more done there vs. my room. Truth is, I went there because all my friends were there — it’s where I’d hear about the party Friday night, or take breaks to talk about Cricket. I still pull off similar antics, and one of my major goals this year is to stop lying to myself as much.

5) Think in probabilities and cost/benefit magnitude: I’m inherently skeptical — I had once asked my Partner Ali why we were spending $X for a particular function when there were so many cheaper options. He had told me something that made a lot of sense: sure you’re overpaying a little bit, but is the headache worth the savings? The downside of a sub-par job in that function would be quite painful, and sometimes it’s better to overpay in one function so you can focus on making multiples of that elsewhere with your time… Oh, and I am excited to read Annie Duke’s Thinking in Bets soon!

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I miss a lot of people every year on my birthday — but two I miss the most this year are my bua (nanny), a widow shunned by society who worked at our home for some 30 odd years, and Ali, an orphan when we met him, now a thriving young man in the Border Guards. As I count my blessings today, my heart is filled with gratitude for the two people who raised me / were with me in my formative years as a child. When people ask me for the kindest thing someone’s done for me — my gut reaction is to think about my scholarship sponsor, my parents, etc. but the truth is that it’s my Bua, Ali, Enton bhai, Shipon bhai, and the countless others who, unfortunately, had to come work for us — but had a tremendous impact on who I am today. Thank you.

And thank you for reading this!

Sakib