Finding Gratitude After The Election
By: Dr. Miss
Tags: Self Reflection, Self, Self Improvement, Election 2020, Gratitude

Finding Gratitude After The Election

Three surprising outcomes, none of which were directly related to Biden’s win.

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

Before you dismiss this as, “oh great, here’s another Trumper who’s all in her feelings because he lost,” please know that I am thrilled that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’ve been sleeping better and my anxiety has eased up since the results were announced. After HRC’s defeat in 2016, I was so afraid that our country would continue to be led by unethical fascists.

With that said, however, I have been unexpectedly grateful for three experiences that haven’t been directly related to the election results.

1. The Week-Long Emotional Hangover

We went to Florida to visit relatives this past June and, I swear, that was the last time anything interesting happened in our household. Thanks to the pandemic, every day since then had been the same eery grind: work from home, putter around the yard, feed and water the children, text each other when a cute feral cat wanders by.

The election flipped all of that upside down. We had CNN on for an entire week and it felt like John King was a new member of the family. “Wait — rewind that. I want to see again how John analyzed that vote dump in Allegheny.”

And while we knew going into the election that we wouldn’t have the results for several days, it was still hard to wait. There were moments of jubilation (“Arizona — yes!”) and then moments of feeling like we were sitting shiva early for the country. (“Wait — is Trump seriously not going to concede? What’s happening to us?!”)

If this all sounds ultra-dramatic and ridiculous, that’s because it was. I was off-the-chain emotionally invested in this election and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I sat on the couch in my pajamas and alternated between mugs of black tea and cabernet sauvignon. My recycle bin was living its best life.

Surprisingly, my liver bounced back fairly quickly, but my emotional state did not. I have felt emotionally hungover all week and I’m finally emerging from it today. After months of quiet monotony, I allowed myself to get too wrapped up in the five-day election vigil and, even though I was thrilled by the outcome, it depleted my emotional energy.

However, in spite of that, I’m grateful. The pandemic had me feeling numb and distant from the things I cared about and it was exciting to feel completely emotionally invested in something again.

I guess my exhaustion could be attributed to decreased emotional resilience, but whatever. I’m still grateful for the fact that something — anything — happened beyond the slow grind of the pandemic. It was worth the emotional labor and it was a good reminder that we’ll someday return to normal life again.

2. Playing the Long Game with Communication

Things have been very tense with my in-laws for the last week or so. On election night, my Trump-supporting father-in-law posted a picture on our family chat of his “victory cocktail.” This was, of course, meant to provoke those of us who supported Biden.

My husband asked him to knock it off, but his request fell on deaf ears and my father-in-law and two other relatives persisted with their “Trump’s going to win!” rhetoric.

Sure enough, when Biden was announced the presumptive president-elect, the family chat got mighty quiet.

My husband expressed his delight in the results and there was some banter. It started politely but deteriorated throughout the day to a nasty airing of grievances on both sides. I’m sure that I wasn’t the only one yelling in my kitchen, “I can’t believe they just said that! Those jerks!” So now everyone is mad at everyone else.

After the election-related nastiness on the chat, my sister-in-law sent out a video link about how we should use this as an opportunity to communicate about the other side’s perspective. I thought about it for twenty-four hours before tentatively returning to the family chat to talk about some hot-button political issues.

Not surprisingly, I was immediately shot down and told that the family chat is not the place to discuss these matters, even after I pointed out that this response contradicted the video link’s message.

But whatever. We’re annoyed with one another now, but it will die down because that’s what “nice,” conflict-averse white people do. However, I know that we all need to talk about these issues. Our country is deeply divided and, now, so is my husband’s family.

I’m banking on the fact that his octogenarian parents have a lot more miles left in them and that there will be future opportunities for us to talk about our political beliefs. If it counts for anything, they have beat cancer multiple times over the last ten years.

I’m confident that the odds will remain in our favor and that we’ll have enough time to — more politely — go toe-to-toe again. I’m playing the long game by finding a way to communicate with them. It’s worth the effort.

3. A Life-Changing Question

In a somewhat recent interview, Kamala Harris shared how her mother inspired her to not accept the status quo. She said, “If you ever came home in our house complaining about something, our mother would look at you with a straight face, one hand probably on a hip, and she’d say, “Well, what are you gonna do about it?”

And isn’t that where the entire nation is right now? Some of us are angry and feeling like Trump is justified in not conceding defeat. And some of us simply cannot believe that Trump got as many votes as he did.

But either way, Ms. Harris’ question of, “Well, what are you gonna do about it?” is a good reminder that we do have the power to change our own lives and communities.

For myself, I am struggling with how I want to proceed with my career. I love teaching, but I am frustrated by many elements of remote learning.

This is my twenty-fourth year in education and, for the first time, most of my workdays are ending with me feeling unsettled and sad. I know that a lot of these feelings are due to the pandemic’s upheaval, but I’m tired of complaining to myself about it.

Thanks to the rebroadcast of the interview with Vice President-Elect Harris, I am now asking myself, “Well, what am I going to do about this?” It’s both overwhelming and terrifying to realize that I can pivot to a different career, but I’m grateful nonetheless. I’m ready to get off the Complain Train and start brainstorming my options instead.

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