How to Master the Art of Confrontation and Completely Resolve Any Issue
By: Anthony Moore
Tags: Relationships, Belief, Self Improvement, Mindset, Confidence

How to Master the Art of Confrontation and Completely Resolve Any Issue

This will completely upgrade your mindset

“All confidence is acquired, developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, have acquired their confidence, every bit of it.” -Dr. David Schwartz

I’ve only even known one person who seemed to be 100% relaxed with confrontation.

His name was Beau, and he was a mentor of mine in college. He was very type-A, a dominant and intimidating character. He seemed inexplicably sure of himself. He never had a problem with straightforward confrontation.

I envied him tremendously. I was terrified of confrontation (especially if it was with him, geez). My adrenaline surged just thinking about having a hard conversation. My whole life, my response to something I didn’t like was passive acceptance. Frankly, it was pathetic. I felt spineless, like a doormat everyone walked on.

Mastering confrontation is difficult, no doubt about it. Some of the most successful, powerful, and imposing individuals have a hard time with it. You may have met one or two people in your life who seem wired for it, but they’re not the norm. The other 99% of us usually have a really hard time expressing how we feel in a straightforward and frank manner that resolves conflict.

Sadly, most people are living completely confrontation-less lives. They don’t speak up when they should. They don’t put stand up for themselves because it’s simply too scary, too intimidating. The result? They’re unhappy, with failing relationships. Anxiety and stress have become chronic.

Confrontation is cunning, baffling, and powerful. You may think you’re terrible at facilitating confrontation, but I’m going to teach you how to not only master the art of confrontation, but use it to your advantage and resolve any issue: be it with your spouse, your boss, your children, or your best friend.

If you’re ready to learn this art, then keep reading.

Remember — Most People Act Out of Fear and Pain-Avoidance

“It’s human nature to quit when it hurts.” -Seth Godin

Your first step towards mastering the art of confrontation is to understand the default stance of most people — fear-and-pain avoidance.

Seth Godin is perhaps the most prolific marketing guru I’ve ever seen. His understanding of people and how they react to different scenarios is not just mastery, it’s wizardry. When describing people’s default reactions, Godin once wrote:

“Short-term pain has more impact on most people than long-term benefits do.”

The truth is, most people are focused on avoiding short-term pain than they are achieving long-term success.

Even if it only took one serious, blunt confrontation with someone to dramatically improve their life, most people still wouldn’t do it. As a result, most people are living lives that are, frankly, mediocre and average-at-best.

This described me perfectly. Growing up, I desperately wanted to connect with my dad, but never could. I felt he wanted me to be something I wasn’t so that we could relate more — to be wild and crazy just like he was as a teenager, and to be an engineer like he was.

That just wasn’t me, though. I never told him how I felt; the thought of confronting him about his desires was terrifying. So I’d fake it, hating myself all the while. Talking to him would’ve changed our whole dynamic, but I was completely focused on pain-avoidance and not long-term success.

It took me years to finally get the guts to call him and say, “You know what dad, that’s just not me. I’ve never going to be that guy.” Sure, it was awkward. And emotionally exhausting. I had been in pain for years pretending to be what I thought he wanted. But after I confronted him, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt light and confident and actually happy.

Think about your life right now.