Jim Behrle Wants to Know
By: Edith Zimmerman
Tags: Ask Everyone, Advice, Church

1. Jim Behrle: I am moving to New Jersey! And I will have my own room for the first time in a while. Is it OK that I plan to decorate my room like an 11-year-old boy? Would that be a turnoff to the ladies? Or just people in general? I’m 40 now and am trying to tuck my shirt in lately, but I’m just not sure that it’s me. So I bought some posters: Vinny Testeverde of the Jets, Derrick Coleman of the Nets, Bobby Bonilla of the Mets, and Martin Brodeur of the Devils. Sports heroes all. I’ve had a Spiderman comforter for a while. And a Burger King pillowcase. Also I am thinking about glow stars for the ceiling. What do you think?

I think that’s great. But I already know you, and that you’re great. But anyone you liked enough to invite to your home would probably have figured that out, too. And they’d like your stuff, because they’d like you. Right? Especially if there were other pieces of furniture for contrast, like a nice table or something, or an antique chair. If people are turned off by the stuff you choose to surround yourself with, as long as it’s not garbage, they’re probably not worth your time. Flowers and plants also go a long way toward making things seem nice.

Although I guess the key to all of it is keeping stuff clean, and not having a lot of clutter.

Also glow stars are really cool, it’s weird that they’re mainly a kid thing.

2. I was thinking of losing a ton of weight. I did that once before, went from being 210 to about 170 a few years ago. And it was OK, but I had like cheekbones and stuff. But I felt a little too pointy and weak. I kind of like being a little tubby. It helps my humor. And I like my body. But I used to cut my hair when I needed a change. Or grow a big long beard. I can’t do those things anymore. So maybe I could lose a bunch of weight. Because losing a bunch of weight and then regaining it by eating whatever I want all the time is kind of awesome. What do you think?

Hm. If you want to lose weight, why not, but if you’re already comfortable with yourself, that would be why not. I think you look great. But I’m always trying to lose weight to find more cheekbones, although it’s not like it really changes anything. I know what you mean about wanting to do things differently, though. Maybe moving will be a big enough change for a while. The weight loss/gain stuff sounds fun, but also kind of scary and potentially all-consuming. At least it would be for me, but my self-control is not great.

And bigger guys are more attractive than smaller ones, in my opinion.

3. What’s a good place to meet ladies? I was thinking maybe church. But I need a new church, this whole Roman Catholicism isn’t working out for me. So I need a new religion, hopefully one that allows for a little pre-marital sex or maybe just kind of looks the other way. I went to confession with a priest when I was 18 and admitted to masturbating, and he told me he wouldn’t forgive me unless I promised to never commit that sin again. I cried hysterically. And that was it, that was the last time I ever went to confession. So like, no more of that. Ever. I do like getting the wafer. And I especially like shaking people’s hands at mass. Strangers’ hands. It’s just so friendly to offer people peace. So a new religion. Possibly a cult. I’m kind of open to it.

Church sounds interesting. What about Quaker Meeting? Unless you think people would be put off that you were only there to meet people. But maybe not, and it sounds like it’s more than that, anyway. I have no idea where to meet people. The last two places I met guys I liked were in a different country through a friend of a friend, and at a park, also through a friend, but then nothing happened for a year. And then I met a friend I like because I was scared of her for a long time, because she seemed so cool, and then one time at a party I complimented her, and then a few months after that I don’t really remember how it happened but we were hanging out with a mutual friend, and then we started hanging out regularly, and now we’re friends.

I guess people who scare me I’ve been inviting out to coffee. Well, no, I’ve only done that one time so far, but it was nice.

I don’t go to church, but I think anywhere outside of the normal circles you move in could possibly be good. What about traveling somewhere new, even just close by, and asking friends to put you in touch with friends of theirs who live there? Not always great for romantic connections, but it could be fun or give you new ideas.

Don’t join a cult, unless you find a really good and interesting one. Let me know if you do.

4. Is it a dumb idea to get a little tipsy and then send ladies e-mails that are just basically “I think you are awesome?” Sometimes that is all I write, especially if I think they are awesome. Because I do think they are awesome. Or is that creepy? Should I never bother people with my goofy tipsy emails?

No, that’s really nice. I think you are awesome. And I’m sorry that this wasn’t very helpful, but I’m hoping that the commenters will have some better ideas.

Previously: “I got a new pair of glasses the other day.”

Jim Behrle tweets @behrle.