A Birthday to Remember
By: Jack Church
Tags: Grief Support, Grief, Birthday

Dear Pam, I got back home tonight around 8 pm after spending the past three days with Eric in St. Louis on a combination work/birthday trip. I can honestly say the past few days have been nothing short of amazing and I want to think you may have played a part in all that happened. Of course it all started before I left town when I got to play golf with two retired NFL star football players on Sunday. That being Eddie George and Clyde Simmons. Of course the amazing story that developed was where Eddie shared with me the loss of his dad just a few weeks earlier and then me sharing with him my loss of you and how we really connected on deeper level as we talked throught the round of golf. Then came Monday and headed off to St. Louis for work and fun with Eric. His lovely bride Allyson was unable to take off work so she missed out on the trip and I often thought about how I know Eric enjoyed our time together but I know he missed being with Allyson. It brought back my memories of work travel and how much I hated being away from you. Of course this is a good thing when we miss our wives and best friends because we have such a deep love for one another. At the same time we had some really fun adventures on the trip and made the most of our time when I wasn’t doing work related items which were held to a minimum. We saw two Cardinal games with them winning both in dramatic fashion. During each game my thoughts would drift to all the times you and I came to St. Louis both with and without kids. While you were never a big baseball fan you loved the game day experience and would always find a way to sneak into the gift shop and get something thoughtful for me with a Cardinal logo. On this trip as I walked thru looking at the merchandise all I could think about was how much I missed buying things for you. They had this cute little pink Cardinal shirt I saw in one store and I could just imagine you wearing that with your blue or white shorts. I actually saw a couple of girls at the game in that very same outfit and could do nothing but see your image. As we walked around the arch I could remember the first time we went up to the top. We were in collge and drove up for the day riding to the top of the arch and catching a game that evening. We ended up driving back that night. It was very late and apparently I was dozing at the wheel because a trooper pulled us over. We were scared out of our minds and could not figure out why we were being stopped. Apparently I was drifting a little as we both were fighting going to sleep. After he figured out we had not been drinking he suggested we pull into a rest stop for a short nap before continuing back to Jackson, Tennessee. So, we pulled over and tilted the seats back in my little mustang. You layed your head on my shoulder and we feel asleep not for just an hour but it ended up being 4 or 5 hours because when we woke up the sun was rising. I remember us laughing about how would we explain to your dorm monitor you being out all night. In the end it all worked out and now it’s just another of the beautiful memories I have we made together. We also made it over to the Budweiser factory and did a tour. Once again I thought of you and all the many tours we had taken around the country at various breweries and other factories. We always loved playing tourist…whether it was hiking in the Rockies, boating in the Gulf or touring the Jelly Belly factory in California we were just so darn happy being together and seeing the sights of the country. It’s nice that both Eric and Hannah have taken after us and still enjoy new adventures like we did. I told Eric about when we lived in Denver you and I would go out to the Coors plant every couple of weeks just to hit their tap room which was at the end of the tour. Some college students tipped us off on how you could go on a regular basis and simply tell them at the entrance you were there for the bar tour which simply meant you were heading to the tap room for samples! What fun times we always had and I so desperately miss having my friend with me to do these things. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy being with our kids but they have their lives and relationships and I’m so happy for them. I just miss having you with me to continue seeing the sights with. I told Eric tonight after we got back that I hoped he and Allyson would get to live until they were 90 because I sure did not plan on our life together ending so soon. He laughed and said he wasn’t so sure about 90 but I do pray they get many more years than we had because as I head towards the home stretch of life it sure would be more fun with you. Again, let me stress, I had a really good birthday but I simply can’t help missing you and the break in my heart will always be there. For that reason Pam, I will love you forever and always, Jack

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