The Unbearable Lightness of Saying No
By: Talia Hamza
Tags: Respect

We’ve all had moments when we couldn’t say no. From time to time, we all say “yes” to other people’s wishes and expectations, putting aside our own desires in order to meet our needs for approval and admiration; We have postponed our own wishes and expectations. This is a situation most people face, but it becomes a problem when we fail to balance the yes and nos we say to other people.

In fact, saying yes also leads us to cooperate and cooperate with others. Of course there is no problem with that. But problems begin when we fail to balance the “yes” we say to other people.

In fact, behind our inability to say no is the fear of making the people we love unhappy, losing them and being exposed to their anger. In fact, we consider saying no as an aggressive behavior and we may justify the reaction of the other person to us. The person who sees that the other person is upset usually ends the word that starts with no with yes. Taking responsibility for hurting someone else is heavy, and then we may find ourselves grappling with feelings of guilt or fear that the other person will get angry. Thoughts such as “If I say no, he will definitely get angry with me, shout at me, and our relationship will be damaged” can push us to say “yes”. However, not being able to say no starts to spoil our relations, contrary to what we expect after a while. We suffer at the point where we cannot say no to people because we find ourselves in an environment we do not want, doing something we do not want. While this situation breaks our self-confidence, it also causes us to distance ourselves from people we cannot say no to.

Because we often tend to avoid situations in which we are distressed. One of the most common behaviors we do when we can’t say no is to run away. We show a desire to escape from any anxiety-provoking situation, so we think we’ll get rid of the boredom. However, we ignore the fact that the situation we are running from puts more pressure on us. For example, we may sometimes change our way, leave our house at a different time than that person, or even not answer their phone so that we do not meet the person we have difficulty saying no to. Lying is another wrong solution that we often use in order not to offend the other party and to get rid of the pressure of saying no when we cannot say “no”. For example, we can pretend to be sick because we can’t say no to a birthday we don’t want to go to.

Even though we prefer these behaviors in order not to say no, a voice inside us says “no” and causes us to feel regret and guilt.

However, to the extent that we do not have the courage to say no, our anxiety increases. Therefore, the first thing we need to do is to notice what is going on when we can’t say no. When we start to think about the reasons why we can’t say no and to explore these thoughts, we will have solved 50 percent of this problem. For example, if you feel the need to find an excuse instead of saying “I don’t want to go out” to your friend who insists on going out on the weekend, you can ask yourself what’s on your mind and notice the thoughts that worry you. You can proceed step by step, starting with a good that will not force you emotionally. When there is something you do not want to do, you can clearly and clearly convey your feelings to the other person. Of course, for those of you who are used to saying “yes”, the word “no” will be uncomfortable at first. Don’t panic! You learn to say no when necessary!