Brutally Honest
By: Aurora Chérie
Tags: Breakups, Change, Self Love, Life

image from shutterstock

Have you ever written a break up letter? — You asked me that question so many times and each time my answer was slightly different but they all pointed at one answer; No I haven’t.

It did get me thinking though, If I were to pen a break up letter what would I say? I could stick to convention and say “It’s not you, it’s me”. Of course I could say it in a thousand different ways but none of those ways effectively capture how I feel and all of them fail to validate my feelings.

“Your feelings are valid” — If I had a dollar for everytime someone has said that to me, I’ll have two dollars. Thing is, two dollars was all I needed to be sold on the notion. My feelings are valid; It’s become my personal mantra and with every chant, I sense a change.

Dear No One, It’s been nice getting to know you. I hope you have a nice life! Signed: Your Ex-Lover

Arrrrghhh! It’s too cliche, plus it reads like a note left after a one night stand.

Dear No One, I’m breaking up with you. I hope this hurts you as much as it hurts me (which is very little actually). Wish you the best in your endeavours. Cheers! Signed: xoxo

I mean, it’s straight to the point, that should count for something right?

Dear No One, I’m sorry this has to be in a note, I could never get it out coherently if I had to say it to your face. I would get lost in your eyes and the fragrance of your perfume that reminds me of sea breeze and all the walks we took on the beach watching the sun set as the stars come out to play. I’m breaking up with you! I don’t owe you an explanation but I’ll give you one anyways. We both want different things out of love and heaven knows I tried. I tried to be who you wanted, I tried to be all you needed. I tried to love you in the way you wanted, I gave you the love you desired. The only problem was the more I gave of myself, the hollower I became and now I look at myself in the mirror and I do not recognize the person staring back at me. I am constantly plagued by what ifs, my mind has become a battle ground; I am at war within myself. I don’t like who I have become and what’s worse is that I remember who I once was and I miss her. I need to find myself and I cannot do that by holding on to this person I have become. I need to let go and to do so would mean that the person you know now is no longer who I would be. There maybe similarities because after all I am still me but who I am right now will cease to exist. I want to ask you to wait, to give me time to sort through my emotions, to find out who I am and see what role you play in my life. I want to ask you to wait but I won’t do that. The me that exists right now knows that it would be unfair to you. I won’t ask you to wait because even if you do, I won’t live my life remembering someone somewhere is waiting for me. I guess this is good bye, maybe in time we would become familiar strangers. You might remain someone that I used to know but you won’t be able to say the same about me. For what it is worth, I love you but I love me more.

“Have you ever written a break up letter?” This time my answer is yes accompanied by a silent prayer; “Please don’t ask me if I have ever sent someone a break up letter.”