Why you should upgrade from texting to talking
By: Leon Jacobs
Tags: Feedback, Creativity, Communication

I hate talking on the phone.

In fact, I dislike it so much, my voice mail message encourages you not to leave a message after the tone.

Send me a text. Or even better Gtalk, Slack, Hipchat or Facebook message me after the beep. The choice of poison is yours, dear caller. I have handles and avatars everywhere.

Truth is, I don’t believe I am alone in my reluctance to engage with others via voice.

The world is moving towards text

Recently, Coca-Cola announced that they are disabling voicemail for its thousands of corporate workers around the world as the firm now considers texting and email to be a more efficient way of communication.

Around the world, mobile companies are reporting massive drops in voice revenues. In fact, Reuters reports that in 2014, for the first time ever, mobile phone companies income from data surpassed that of voice.

This is the year they became primarily internet service providers — not phone carriers.

I have experienced this first hand in the work environment. For a while I worked with a small team of digital communication experts and sharing an office space with them gave me a taste of what it must be like to be deaf. Everyone had their music piping through their own headphones and 90% of all communications were handled on Slack.

It’s easy to understand why.

Clicking an emoticon to express an emotion is easier than actually projecting it on your face or modulating it into the intonation of your voice. Texting, not talking, is the low energy form of communicating and unfortunately it’s in our human nature to seek out the lowest levels of energy.

What do we lose when we choose to text?

Real connection. Empathy. The ability to really relate to another person and their point of view.

During 2013 I was negotiating a divorce settlement. It took me a long time to realise that communicating with my soon-to-be ex-wife via Whatsapp and email was only leading to further hurt and misunderstanding on both sides. We only really made progress in our discussions when we refrained from textual conversation and kept them on the phone or face to face.

When the words we use to communicate are taking the form of pixels on a slab of glass it is easy to forget that there is a real live human being on the other side. One with real feelings. Our emotions get contorted in the same way as when we feel unreasonable rage at another hunk of metal that cuts us off in traffic.

Context is everything in communication

A major problem is that we often get fooled by the asynchronous nature of text — you don’t have to be in the same context as the other person to get your message across.

Think how different a conversation can feel in different environments, say if you’re at home feeling pensive and are sending a message to someone enjoying themselves at a rock concert.

Successful communication only really happens when the people talking are tuned in to each other and can read each other’s moods — something we get from nonverbal cues like body-language and voice inflection. Without it there is a real chance for misunderstanding.

One party can be playful while the other feels tired and serious — the same sequence of words can take on very different meanings.

Even worse, if we veer into difficult communications via text there is a strong temptation to just leave the conversation for a while. But while you are avoiding the conversation the other person is left to wait and brood over whatever they’re feeling. When you come back to the chat, that person will most likely be even more upset, reducing the chances of a successful resolution.

Furthermore, not all people are good enough at writing to efficiently express what they feel through their words.

I used to work in global teams and often built up mental images of people’s personalities that I only communicated with via email. One particular senior person came across as particularly rude because of her very short, clipped sentences. But when I finally met her a few months later I realized she was a warm and lovely human being — albeit one who dealt with countless emails everyday.

Text and email just leaves so much room for misunderstanding.

When text has its use

There is no doubt that text in the shape of instant messaging, SMS, or email has its use. But like any tool, you should really understand what it is good for and what it is bad for. You wouldn’t open a jam jar with a hammer, would you?

How we relate to others is crucial for leading a happy existence. Everything in our lives depends greatly on it.

If you want quality relationships you have to invest in quality communications. That means upgrading to the higher level of exchange: talking. Even if it burns more cognitive fuel and even if it is more inconvenient to wait for the other person to be ready to take your call or meet with you for a few minutes.

Do the upgrade

Once you’re ready to upgrade to talking, be aware that the person you are communicating with may also prefer texting. Like most of us. So you may have to explain to them why you’d prefer to talk:

“Hey, this conversation is really important to me and I think it is important enough to talk it through on the phone or meet face to face. Do you mind?

By doing that you are making the person you are talking to aware that the investment in time and effort to communicate relates to the value you place on your relationship. What better way is there to kick off an important conversation? Your chances of a successful conclusion are suddenly infinitely better.

But. If you’re still not convinced, call me.

Photo credit: Luke Chesser

This post originally appeared on the Crew blog.