The Day President Trump Went To The “Y”
By: Robert Cormack
Tags: Humor, Politics, Satire, Donald Trump, Election 2020

The Day President Trump Went To The “Y”

Where else can you go when John Fogerty tells you to take a hike?

Courtesy of YouTube

“They’ve got everything for you men to enjoy…” The Village People (YMCA)

President Donald Trump doesn’t pay much attention to lyrics. His favourite song “Is That All There Is?” sung by Peggy Lee, describes watching a house burn down and turning to drink. Why does Trump like it? “It’s a great song because I’ve had these tremendous successes,” he said. “And then I’m off to the next one.”

Missing a song’s point seems to be standard with this president. It’s like there’s a little man on one shoulder doing the “daddy dance.” On the other, he’s singing something else entirely. He claims he’s not tone deaf, but that’s questionable. He’s certainly lyric deaf — which is much worse.

Currently, thirty-five musicians have publicly told Trump to stop playing their music without clearance. Some just want him to stop period.

Over the years, he’s played songs at rallies that appear to be the antithesis of what he’s saying on stage. Maybe he doesn’t get it, but the musicians definitely do. Currently, thirty-five musicians have publicly told Trump to stop playing their music without clearance. Some just want him to stop period.

John Fogerty took exception to Trump using “Fortunate Son” at a September rally in Freeland, Michigan. He put out a cease-and-desist order, claiming the president must be a dumbo for not listening to the words.

“I wrote that one because, as a veteran, I was disgusted that some people were allowed to be excluded from serving our country because they had access to political and financial privilege” Fogerty said.

He was also criticizing wealthy people for not paying their fair share of taxes. Well, shoot, how did that one get past Donny Boy? Surely “I ain’t no fortunate son…” must have set off a few alarm bells.

Neil Young’s been complaining about Trump using his music for years. Not that Trump cares one way or the other. Just last June, Trump played “Rockin’ in the Free World” at a rally in Tulsa and again at Mount Rushmore in July.

Trump’s lawyers will either invoke the 1st Amendment, or claim executive privilege, both of which are tenuous at best — but so’s Trump.

Young plans to take Trump to court, but he’ll have a fight on his hands. Trump’s lawyers will either invoke the 1st Amendment, or claim executive privilege, both of which are tenuous at best — but so’s Trump.

And let’s not forget the same rally in Tulsa, where Trump’s campaigners played “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” The crowd obviously weren’t lyric listeners, either, or they would have caught: “And I went down to the demonstration, to get my fair share of abuse.”

Well, nobody abuses a crowd — or musicians — like Trump. The Stones have threatened him twice with cease-and-desist orders. What’s his response? He feels slighted and somewhat confused. “I’m bringing their music to millions of people,” Trump has bragged to reporters. “These guys are as old as me, for cryin’ out loud. They’re lucky I’m helping them out.”

Meanwhile, he cherry-bombs his audiences, bedevilling them in ways even Jagger, Mr. Bedeviller himself, still can’t understand.

Well, tomato, tomato, I guess. Trump takes ethics in stride. Let the historians figure it out. Meanwhile, he cherry-bombs his audiences, bedevilling them in ways even Jagger, Mr. Bedeviller himself, still can’t understand. Neither can Steven Tyler, R.E.M, Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi. None of them can stand the shameless bastard.

So it’s no surprise, with cease-and-desist orders flying left and right, that Trump is wrapping up his stumping efforts with a song nobody would’ve expected — least of all the LGBTQ+ community.

Imagine the scene in Lititz, Pennsylvania, the last leg of Trump’s flurry-ride through the swing states. After telling the crowd “Nobody loves me,” — which is a song, by the way (Chris Tomlin) — music rose through the main speakers at the airport. The song? YMCA by the Village People.

There was Trump doing his “daddy dance” while press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, spelt out the characters “YMCA” with her arms.

As jaws went downwards and sideways throughout the nation, the LGBTQ+ community must’ve shot Red Bull out their noses. Was he subliminally supporting queers? Does anyone older than thirty not know what the song means? Well, Trump doesn’t— and obviously neither does Kayleigh McEnany.

Forget that it’s been a thinly-veiled anthem for gay men everywhere for years.

“It’s such a fun song,” McEnany explained afterwards, feeling the excitement and crowd participation. Forget that it’s been a thinly-veiled anthem for gay men everywhere for years. “You can hang out with all the boys” refers to a place where fun guys can cast their worries aside and let loose.

Still, judging from all the clapping — not to mention the slapping of foreheads in living rooms across the Gay Pride nation — Trump’s finally found a song nobody’s going to sue him over — at least not yet.

If he loses in November, songwriters Jacques Morale, Henri Belolo and Victor Willis, could get in line behind the Internal Revenue Department, and take what ounce of flesh is left from Donny’s bones.

That’s if Neil Young isn’t there before them, or The Rolling Stones, or Bruce Springsteen, or the executors of Leonard Cohen’s estate. They considered Trump’s use of “Hallelujah” to be worse than him twerking.

The First Lady may know less about music than landscaping, but pissing off The Boss and The Stones? That’s childish.

Is it any wonder Melania won’t hold Donny’s hand anymore? The First Lady may know less about music than landscaping—but pissing off The Boss and The Stones? That’s childish.

As we approach the election’s final days, we can only hope Trump doesn’t find any more danceable songs. But in fairness to him, he’s only doing what he’s been asked by The Village People — or at least Victor Willis, who wrote the lyrics for “YMCA,” and “Macho Man” (another song Trump uses with gay abandon—sorry, Victor, it just slipped out).

Willis claims his song isn’t about illicit gay sex, and anyone who thinks it is, will be sued, or slapped, one or the other. He’s also said he can’t sue the president because Trump’s actions are entirely legal.

“I’m not going to have my lawyers sue the president,” Willis stated. “But he should at least do the ‘YMCA’ dance while he’s at it.”

None of The Village People were available for comment, concentrating instead on getting the image of Trump “daddy dancing” out of their minds.

True to his word — which is about as rare as chickens singing opera — Trump danced in Pennsylvania, and Kayleigh McEnany formed the words.

None of The Village People were available for comment. No doubt they’re concentrating instead on getting the image of Trump “daddy dancing” out of their heads.

If we don’t get a comment out of them soon, we should assume they’ve gone to ground, and probably won’t emerge again until another “Golden Oldies” tour. Hopefully, Kayleigh McEnany won’t be press secretary anymore, and Trump will be doing his dance at the other euphemistic “Y” better known as Attica. That’s if the New York prosecutors have their way.

Oh, well, we’ll just have to wait and see. In the mean time, Mr. Trump, feel free to dance—and don’t be shy, Kayleigh. It’s not like you haven’t done worse things for this administration than signing. Hands up, girl, here we go:

“Young man, there’s a place you can go, I said, young man, when you’re down on your dough, You can stay there, and I’m sure you will find, Many ways to have a good time.”

Robert Cormack is a satirist, novelist, and former advertising copywriter. His first novel “You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive)” is available online and at most major bookstores. Check out Skyhorse Press or Simon and Schuster for more details.