ALL ABOARD THE IL 76 `CHICKEN RUN’ TO LADAKH
By: Birender Dhanoa
Tags: Humour, Army Life

For those of us unfamiliar with the ethereal landscape of Ladakh, this strategic part of Jammu & Kashmir is connected to the rest of India by two roads, one through the Kashmir valley via Kargil and the other through Manali over the scenic Rohtang pass. However, since these roads are fair weather friends, the denizens of the Indian Army, and even locals, who inhabit the region, get to travel between Leh and Chandigarh VIP class, courtesy the Indian Air Force, in a special IL 76 aircraft that has an amazing capacity to carry animated and inanimate cargo, loaded in random sequence for reasons of national security and mood swings of the air force loadmaster.

Such organised chaos makes this flight, to use a cliché, a flying circus, in which humans of varying shapes, sizes and rank, chickens, fruits and vegetables, frozen goat and sheep carcasses, even eggs and milk, travel together in perfect harmony. Strict instructions to use seat belts and have an oxygen mask handy, in case of early entry by the rarified atmosphere of Leh into the aircraft, are followed neither in letter or spirit. Getting comfortable on a senior officer’s suitcase or a sack of potatoes, as both have a remarkable similarity in content, offsets a lack of seats. The cargo is loosely anchored with the express purpose of ensuring that it shakes, rolls or is cajoled into every nook and corner of the aircraft at takeoff. Instances of finding a few Gurkha Johnnies stuck in the wing hydraulics on return to Chandigarh are not uncommon.

Timing is crucial if one is to get on the Chicken Run early or if one wishes to spend a few extra days in Chandigarh. The flight leaves at first light (that is early morning for those uninitiated in military lingo) just as the crotchety old members of the Chandigarh Golf Club are teeing off, usually rattling the dentures of one of these venerable gentlemen, who might recant a silent prayer or shout a few curses at the gallant men off to defend the frontiers (it all depends on whether he holes his putt or not). To catch the Chicken Run you must wake up by 2.30 AM. Alternately, you must plan your previous evening with an unsuspecting host who not only feeds and waters you but is also forced to drop you straight to the loading area at 3.30 AM as that is the only option for him to get rid of a singing yahoo (i.e. you!) other than looking for the 12 gauge. Do remember that this method usually works only once even with the best of your friends.

The flights out of Chandigarh are two each morning, one going to Leh and the other to Thoise, which is the base camp for the Siachen Glacier. It is Air Force protocol to ensure that baggage meant for one location usually ends up at the other, so do keep a hawk eye on your precious roll bedding (officers — for the use of) otherwise it will be of use to no one. There are unconfirmed reports of pilots taking vicious pleasure in unloading luggage through the escape hatch somewhere over the Himalayas as revenge for having to fly the ‘pongos’ so early each morning. Officers always get special treatment. On days when there are two flights to Leh, the loadmaster, grinning from ear to ear, supervises the alternate loading of a sack of supplies and one Indian Army officer on the first flight following his own version of Sir Chetwode’s dictum “…you go first always and every time.”

Pilots play their own game of “Who’s the Boss” with the load manifest officer. They do very scientific calculations for a sacred term called the “All Up Weight” that changes based on variables such as the pilots getting breakfast on time, senior air force VIPs and other significant passengers who might need a last minute ride, and special cargo (read household goods of a newly posted VIP) that need to be transported to Leh.

The load manifest officer has a dedicated loading party who seem to be in a hurry to get back home, throwing the luggage from the tractor to the aircraft hold in next to no time. Such is their strength and dexterity in (mis) handling heavy luggage that they could challenge any wrestler without the blink of an eye. Maybe they are ex nightclub bouncers because no passenger ever dares to request them to be careful with their miserable pieces of luggage.

Winter flights have their own peculiar charm with many practices of boarding and de-boarding, as weather conditions in Leh change faster than women’s fashion. You might takeoff from Chandigarh and after an uneventful flight land right back at Chandigarh without ever knowing it, all the time marvelling at the newfound neatness and planning of Leh town, which you briefly glimpsed as you came in to land. Your arrival back in Chandigarh is greeted with whoops of joy by none other than the local ‘boy’ at the tea bar who sees the return of 250 hungry passengers as heaven sent business for the next 24 hours.

And yet, after all the trials and tribulations one faces in catching the Chicken Run, once you are onboard all is forgotten. Humans and animals drift off to dreamland in next to no time, lulled by the rhythmic engine vibrations. Soon another sound rises above the din of the powerful Illushyin engines; that of 200 odd passengers (and a few chickens) snoring in all their glory.