Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, says LOVE.
By: Red
Tags: Relationships, Christian, Relationships Love Dating, Christianity, Christian Living

The biblical understanding

In order to understand verses biblically, we have to understand a) the meaning of the words and b) the context. In this verse, the word “yoke” might be confusing. What exactly is “yoke”? What relationship does “yoke together” refers to — A business acquaintanceship? A friendship? A marriage? A romantic relationship?

“Yoke” is an apparatus used to bind two separate things together. It can be understand visually as we examine its usage in the agrarian societies:

A yoke was commonly used in farming to bind two animals together for work. For example, a farmer typically joined a pair of oxen, mules or horses together by a yoke around their necks. The pair then pulled a big plow attached behind them to turn the ground and cultivate the soil… the purpose of the yoke was to produce the work times two. (Black 2002: 38)

Thus, an unequally yoked situation would be when the farmer yoke the ox and a donkey together. They have different size, strength, food choices, living habits, etc. They are of two different worlds. Thus, the way they pull the plow would be different as one of them would have bigger stride, move at a faster pace or need to rest for longer periods. However, due to the way that a yoke is designed, when the pair does not work in togetherness, says the donkey moves ahead of the ox, the yoke is tightened. They will both be choked. Little did we know that this warning from God arises from ages ago, “Do not plow with an ox an a donkey yoked together.” (Deuteronomy 22:10 NIV)

From the above illustration, we can identify prominent characteristics for a yoked relationship. It is not easily broken. The pair have no choice but to do things together. Hence, it gives certain constrains to both parties as it does not allow independent action. For an unequally yoked situation as above, the pair has to comply with what the other one wants to do in an unwilling manner; as otherwise, they would be choked. Often, it ends up the stronger side being possessive and dominant while the weaker side becomes submissive. Furthermore and sadly, the relationship is often lasting. There are external forces (e.g. the farmer that puts on the yoke) that bounds the pair together and there is no escape.

It has been that hard for two different animals to yoke together, not to mention between two complex human beings with the extras of having the abundance of different thoughts, likes, personality and life experience. The bible says, “do not be yoked with unbelievers.” This means an unequally yoked human relationship with two people having different beliefs and values concerning Christ. Thus, it is not restricted only to a business relationship or a martial bonding, but whatever relationship that is not easy to break off, constrains your freedom and is lasting (i.e. having a signed contract).

After examining “yoke” in its literal meaning for the particular verse, we shall further explore the bible’s meaning of yoke though context — Paul’s intended audience and other bible usages. Some scholars has argued that this verse is not applicable to marriage, as in 1 Corinthians 7:12–13, Paul wrote, “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” On the other hand, the original text for the translated “do not be” in 2 Corinthians 6:14 has the connotation to “bring an end a condition now existing” (Warnock 1997). Thus, explaining it as a marriage relationship would mean that one shall separate, detach, divorce from their unbelieved spouse right away. The two verses are thus, in contradiction. Yet, as the God-breathed scriptures show no contradiction, we can only reason by saying that 1 Corinthians is not applicable to marriage. Or some others might try to smartly explain by saying that 1 Corinthians 7: 12–13 applies to cases where both are unbelievers when they got married, but one of them believed afterwards; whereas 2 Corinthians 6:14 applies to unmarried Christians. Thus, as dating shall be in vision for a marriage biblically, good Christians shall not date unbelievers. It sure make sense intellectual and the rule are clear now, however, have Christianity ever been about rules?

More insights can be drawn upon the usage of “yoke” in other bible verses. Unequal yokes are used to describe oppression (Deuteronomy 28:48), hardship (1 Kings 12:4–14, 2 Chronicles 10:4–11), submission (Jeremiah 27:8–28:2), bondage (lamentation 1:14) and legalism (Galatians 5:1) (Black 2002: 41- 43). All this negative and distasteful connotation to unequal yokes makes us realize that the biblical warning is less of a rule, but more of God’s love for us in not wanting to see us suffer. After all, God did not prohibit us to yoke, we just have to yoke wisely. A rightful and equal yoke can be seen in relationship of fellowships (i.e. companionship, friendship, brotherhood, partnership or willing service) as seen in 1 Corinthians 6:14 and in discipleship as seen in Matthew 11:28–30, where Jesus asks us to take up his easy yoke. In Respectable Sins, Jerry Bridges told us how “The Bible speaks not of God’s laws, as if many of them, but of God’s law as a single whole”. (Bridges 2007: 20) Thanks to the legal system of our society, we understand law as individuals law statements with respective penalties, we fail to see God’s single law and its meaning behind — to love as he first loved.

It is out of God’s love for us that he set up this seemingly rule of “not yoking together with unbelievers”, however, not often do we understand the profound love. We wish to experience. Sure that parents warn us about fire, but only have we truly felt it could we know how dangerous it could be, could we learn to keep away from it. Otherwise, we feel like puppets, being obedient and submissive to whatever orders, losing our identity. Furthermore, are Christians and non-Christians really that incompatible as water and oil? They say such relationships will blind us, limit us, destroy us and keep us from enjoying the fullness and abundance life God has created for us. They say such relationships will arise many disagreements as in ethical decisions, child-rearing approaches (e.g. shall we send them to Christian schools? Have grace around the table?), ways of using money (e.g. shall we give it to the church or missionary organizations?), etc. Yet, in reality, it seems that sometimes, there are more common ground in values and interests and fun with certain non-Christians then Christians whom we only have the same religious belief. Maybe as long as our non-Christian partner is loving and tolerant enough (as we can’t compromise our faith for the Lord), we can still have a great marriage? We can only dig deeper in these real life examples to search for more answers.