Are You Responsive or Reactive to Negativity?
By: Nicole Bedford
Tags: Self Improvement, Self, Communication, Advice, Relationships

Engaging in a conversation where there is a dissent can be a lot like playing a tense game of Jenga. As you build on your argument, one wrong response can lead to an explosion of negativity from the other person, shaking the tower, and your reaction versus your response decides whether or not the tower remains standing or if it topples into a mess.

Recently, I found myself in a conversation over the belief, or lack thereof, in a supreme being. I was talking with a guy my friend is currently interested in. He asked me why I identified as an atheist. Part of me knew, from experience, the conversation had a high propensity to go left real quick but I soldiered on since he claimed to not be religious himself.

As succinctly as I could, I explained how I arrived at an atheistic viewpoint, where a supreme being or primordial energy is concerned. He toppled the Jenga tower straight away and began attacking my lack of belief.

I calmly answered his repeated questions but the moment the argument became circular and he began launching ad hominem attacks at me, I cut the conversation short.

He was being combative and reacting negatively to everything I said, however, I did not rise to the occasion and remained responsive instead, which fueled his negative reactions. I’ve grown.

Calmly, I informed him that the conversation was over because it had deteriorated to a point of no return after he insulted my intelligence by saying repeated I was confused and lacked basic comprehensive skills. I did not insult him, I simply stayed calmed and decided the argument was now a non-starter.

Abraham Hicks in all his wisdom said, “You can find yourself in an endless loop where you explain that you feel negative because of the negative behavior of someone else. But if instead, you take control of your own emotions and you think an improved thought because it feels better to do so, you will discover that no matter how the negative trend got started, you can turn it around. You have no real control of what anyone else is doing with their Vibration (or with their actions, for that matter), but you have complete control over your thoughts, vibrations, emotions, and point of attraction.”

No one should have that much power over how you react in the presence of negativity, and you shouldn’t be so reactive that you drop to their level of negativity to outdo them. I could have eviscerated him when he started with an ad hominem attack, but instead, I ended the conversation, agreeing to disagree.

He then continued to discredit me by saying I was being overly emotional, still trying to get a rise out of me to which I responded with silence. He then gaslit me by saying he was just joking, but then he apologized.

When we grow as individuals we raise our vibration and learn how to respond as opposed to reacting. A reaction, when considered from a chemical standpoint, is the process of substances acting mutually on each other and are then changed into different substances, or one substance changes into a different substance.

In various situations in life people may be more choleric, belligerent or negative than you are and their reactions are out of your immediate control. When it comes to your thoughts, emotions, and actions you must decide to react and become more like them, or instead respond and keep the vibration from dipping into negativity.

A response comes from the Latin ‘responsum’ which means, “something offered in return.” Instead of reacting and changing who you are and lowering your energetic vibration into something antagonistic to, offer something more and raise the level of vibration of the other person instead.

When we respond and offer something more, we show our level of maturation and inspire the other person to learn from us, instead of egging them on further.

It’s not something we can begin doing overnight. It takes practice to respond instead of reacting just as brashly as the other person, and most times, it’s a knee-jerk reaction. If you want to be more responsive here are a few things you can do in the heat of the moment.

Stop and take a moment to think and reign yourself in. Raise the level of energy by asking a question to guide the person to be more responsive. Do not respond out of emotion but from thought. Steer the conversation forward to avoid circular arguments. Decline to respond further and walk away from the conversation.

I was proud of myself for walking away from the abrasive conversation that guy was turning our discourse into.

When the quality deteriorates into raw negativity it’s best to walk away, and this is a new response I’m having and it shows how much I’ve grown as a person.

Don’t let anyone have so much power over you that you react just as poorly as they’ve been acting. You have full control over your thoughts, emotions, and speech so be sure to use that control to stay above the negativity.