13 reasons why I am a catch
Tags: Self Love, Boundaries, Relationships, Beauty, Courage

Photo by Jessica Da Rosa on Unsplash

I am a catch — she said, and my young and untrained mind concurred, totally seeing why.

She fitted the picture of what, at that time, I considered a catch: young, thin, educated, blonde, blue-eyed and beautiful.

She is a catch and I am not.

There was another time, long before that conversation, when I also considered myself a catch; based on the whimsical belief that my intellectual superiority had me be that. However, that didn’t fly anymore.

I had to traverse mountains of insecurity and fear to move from the recoiled position I had in that conversation and begin to feel myself, know myself, be myself.

Feel myself and accept that I too am a catch.

If you want some reasons, I’ll give you 13 reasons why I am a catch.

1. I don’t need you to make me happy.

I have my practices to generate happiness for myself. These practices foster my connection to myself, to the divine and everything else that is not myself, and that includes my connection to you.

What is more, I don’t really need you, you, you, you specifically you in particular. Not at all. Though I may forget that, have it known that I always come back to the understanding that I want all my relationships to be based on mutually eliciting joy and discovery, not need.

2. I am an emotional being who is comfortable expressing her emotions.

I am also comfortable with you expressing your emotions. I love creating containers so we all can feel able and safe to express what we feel.

I thoroughly enjoy the company of people who are grounded and present when I express my emotions, I’d love it if you could be one of them. I am happy to be that for you from time to time.

3. I am my main source of approval and attention.

I don’t outsource that job to you or anybody else.

In addition, though I may occasionally seek reflection from you, you are not scheduled to be my main source of reflection. In fact, nobody is. I have learnt to receive reflection from a variety of sources and to seek external reflection deliberately without assigning that role to anyone exclusively.

4. I am committed and willing to request help when I need it.

I am still learning to ask for help and receive it. Actually, I am still learning to receive, period. I still struggle with the process but I am more and more comfortable asking for help and receiving help when it’s offered.

5. I have a long-standing relationship with my addictions and compulsions.

I love each and one of them and the magic they have brought to my life. From an external point of view, curiosity is the way to engage with me regarding my addictions and compulsions.

That being said, I am a teetotaller with an AA background. I only smoke tobacco and other entheogens ceremonially.

I don’t engage sexually under the influence nor with people who are under the influence. I have a strong boundary set to step aside from any hint of emotional dependency.

6. I know what I want and I am working towards expressing it constantly.

I want people around me to express what they want.

I give myself and others ample space to feel and ponder so desire can be touched and expressed.

However, I only hold other people’s desires (temporarily) if there is a work container set up.

My desires, just like my emotions, are my responsibility. Your desires, just like your emotions, are your responsibility.

Additionally, I love expressing and receiving gratitude.

7. I am beautiful.

Enough said.

8. I appreciate my body, my mind and my soul and I give a lot of attention to their wellbeing.

A byproduct of that decision is that I appreciate your body, your mind and your soul and I am likely to encourage you to have attention on your wellbeing.

9. I enjoy extremes.

I love extremes. From the nuances of going super slow and gentle to the subtleties of high-intensity games. I am learning to enjoy the middle game.

10. I have boundaries.

I know how to set them, hold them and I am willing to negotiate them.

11. I have an uncanny ability to step out of the drama triangle.

In the game of consciousness, I know I can be fast as fvck.

I am aware that that level of speed and digestion can be confronting, and I have vowed not to hide my speed and capacity because in the game of consciousness if a person wins, everyone wins.

12. I change my mind and my opinion frequently.

I’m a different person every day. I tell the truth. I will pierce your ego, I promise. I will challenge you, constantly. You will never be bored around me.

13. I have vowed to stay connected no matter what.

This is not an easy vow to abide by.

The upside is that regardless of what happens between you and me, I am committed to keeping my heart open and willing to connect.

I made that vow because an open heart brings me a lot of joy and happiness.

You do not need to be mysterious or a weird kind of special to deserve my connection. You being you is all that’s needed to deserve my willingness to stay connected no matter what. That being said, my love for you is a given, you don’t have to earn it or prove your worth.