Botched Relationships
By: Arielle Lee
Tags: Mental Health, Relationships Love Dating, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Toxic Relationships

Have you ever been in a destructive relationship with someone and you didn’t know how to get out of it, or you’ve seen toxic patterns repeat in your relationships and you don’t know why? It’s like you had a really bad face lift and you don’t know how to fix it. You put in the time and effort to “perfect” yourself in hope someone will love you back. Then, you realize that this relationship doesn’t feel so good anymore. You’re seeing the same toxic patterns over and over again. You hope for the best so you put on a fake smile and act like everything is just fine. The sad part about a botched relationship is that you’re usually the last one to notice it. Your botched relationships are visible scars to those around you. Even if you are still in denial of your toxic relationship, everyone else knows that you should try and fix these damages before they get worst.

Photo by Joeyy Lee on Unsplash

The term “botched” means carried out badly or carelessly. Have you ever been on a really bad date and you wondered if this person even noticed that they are on a date with you? There was no planning involved for this date, no reservations, and they just carelessly met up with you. This is what can happen in relationships when two people join together carelessly. They don’t ask the right questions, they don’t tune in with themselves, and they don’t plan ahead for a life together. For example, are there mutual values and vision for the future (kids, home, retirement, etc.). The individuals come together to this union already broken with scars that cannot be healed by someone else. The healing has to be done on their own. Each person has not healed from past trauma and is carelessly trying to get into a relationship with someone for them to “fix” them and make them happy. They don’t care about the damages that they can cause to the other person, they just want to avoid their own scars and find a temporarily fix.

As we all already know, these types of relationships don’t last. They might feel really good at first. But it’s a distraction from your pain and your scars. The real problems aren’t being fixed. They are temporarily being put on hold until the scaring opens up again and you have to actually fix it.

What botched relationships are you having with yourself and others? Are you temporarily fixing the actual problem with sex, addiction, and toxic relationships?

Embrace a new form of surgery — tune in to yourself! Listen to what you need. If you pause everything around you for a bit, you will know what you need. It may hurt for a bit and cause additional pain but it will be worth it in the end. Temporary fixes don’t give you a life worth living. You will need to have constant fixes and addictions to numb the pain. If you believe that your botched relationship is working in your life, you haven’t been through enough pain to realize that your scars aren’t being healed properly. Trust the people around you when they are telling you in love that your botched relationship and toxic patterns are visible and they want to help you find healing.