If you’re lookin’ for trouble
By: Josh Angus
Tags: Personal Growth, Anxiety, Therapy, Mental Health, Life Lessons

On 30th October I posted part I “Love Me Tender” and on 9th November I posted Part II “TCB”. This is part III of that story… You know, the very vague story of my first job down under in almost 20 years…

Part II left off where I had worked the first “session” with a company over 3 long nights. It was super exciting, a lot to learn, very overwhelming and, yet, I survived. I had met my new colleague (now friend) “Peggy” who was my lifeline during those early days at work…

In Part II, I also mentioned that I got offered 1 of a possible 2 “sessions”… Well, let me clear this up, not only did I get the 2nd session, but I got a surprise 3rdone as well! I’m on fire baby! I’m in need! The big cheese chose me to work for him!!

Not to mention I even got a little casual work on the side for a small local company!!

Awesome…

When you’re hot, you’re hot!

Looking back, I can’t believe that I was such a “scaredy cat” when I went for the “interview” (see “Love Me Tender”), but that’s how it is, living with anxiety. I was so worried about everything that could go wrong and I was constantly a breath away from giving up… It is something that happens almost daily in my life. I do have good days, but often any big new challenges or changes in my life, bring a new level of anxiety.

2020 has been a trying year for all of us, some changes and challenges have been choices, but many have not…

And then sometimes, I would do things without thinking…! I’d just do… I feel like I have no in between. I’m either totally carefree or totally overwhelmed.

Today I feel great, because I’m a conqueror of my demons.

After all these recent opportunities, challenges and work during the past few weeks, I am an old hand at it… I can make it… I can survive… no, wait…. I can overcome…

During my 12 years in Germany, I lost the art of “small talk”… I just couldn’t strike up a conversation with anyone in the street or a shop, partly because my German sucked and partly because Germans don’t generally do that kind of thing… But Aussies sure do!!!!!

Here, when you’re buying something at the grocery store, you’re expected to give your life’s story between paying and getting your change!! You’re expected to open up, but in a kind of superficial way… Not that Aussies aren’t caring and concerned people, I just tend to have very deep and meaningful conversations or none at all… No in-between…

Because I managed to get through the “interview”, and the first “session”, I re-learnt the art of small talk… Mind you, I’m not perfect, and my anxiety plays up regularly, but at least I’ve managed to meet, greet and chat with folks…

I was working with upwards of 800 people during a 3–4 day period. Of course, I didn’t talk with everyone, but I did talk with a few close to me. I made some jokes. I talked mental health with one individual who recognized the look in my eye during an overwhelming part of the work. I had Peggy to support me, even though she was now often far away, a simple wave or smile my way really made my day. But most of all, I tried that small talk thing, and it worked well for me, and often the discussion did become deep and meaningful in some way.

Sure, I still struggle with it, I probably will for the rest of my life, but I was forced to either sit quietly, or be social…

In this day and age of online only communication in a pandemic world, it seemed like a good time to stand up and be counted… So I opened my mouth, after all, what could possibly go wrong?

I got to watch some fantastic people work around me too… Sorry, not work, but inspire! Inspirational people come in all shapes and forms, and I had the chance to experience folks who were so well trained, they could repeat their performance, their work, with every nuance perfectly timed, perfectly played out, perfectly perfect for the work they were doing. I was in awe… It was awesomeness in the making… Damn I’m one lucky guy…

I also can’t believe my luck to get called back so many times for work. This ain’t rocket science, anyone can do it, but that makes it even more the special, right?? Someone chose me… Because I look a certain way, talk a certain way and work a certain way that suits their plan…

Cool beans!

I don’t know if they’ll ask me to work again in 2021, but I don’t mind?? I started something… I took (many) small steps to make big leaps and challenge myself. Damn I feel good about that!

Wouldn’t you??

I know some of my other blogs about work were pretty long, so I’m trying to keep this one short… It’s hard to do!!

I can’t over emphasize how much I appreciate myself at the moment… modest much?? What I mean is, I am so glad I took those risks to get me to the point of overcoming some (but not all) of the challenges I chose to lay in front of me. Get me??

When I got married, and then fairly quickly divorced, the first time, I did not treat myself or my then wife that same way. Now, I wish, back then, that I had the confidence to speak my mind, challenge myself and my wife, and better the relationship. Instead of being a coward who sabotaged the relationship, hurting us both (a lot) in the process. If I had to do it over again, with the skills I learnt recently, and the confidence those skills gave me, things would have turned out differently. Sure, we may have broken up still, but we would have done it much more “adult” like…

It only took me 10 more years to learn this!!! I’m a slow learner… But it’s ingrained in me now!

But, I digress.

I just wanted to let you know how I felt, after I had several more amazing experiences since part II was written, that I really want to share with you, but I can’t tell you about. Well, at least not yet. Keep an eye out in about a year, say November 2021, for another blog where I can share more about the work I’ve been doing these past weeks…

I worked 9 long days for one company, and one short day for another. I did something I NEVER thought I would ever have the opportunity or balls to do.

What a ride it’s been!

Thanks for reading,

Joshua