The 80/20 Rule
By: Ann Litts
Tags: Women, Life Lessons, Work Life Balance, Nursing, Life

Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash

December, 2017:

Let me tell you about a little secret I just figured out the last time I was sick.

We give too much of ourselves away.

Seriously.

I’m a very good baker. And no baker will give all of her starter dough away because then she has nothing left to make any more bread with. You have to keep something back so you will have something to build on for all the future loaves of bread you intend to make. Or you will starve.

But yet, that’s what we do all the time. We are encouraged in our society to give 110% — not even just 100% — to every damn thing we attempt. It’s crazy! We have to give 110% to our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our social lives, our Facebook/media persona, any organization we belong to… the list is endless.

DO THE MATH — that’s impossible.

After my last bout of bronchitis, I was enlightened, thus again, by The Universe. She stated very clearly — “You are working too hard. AT EVERYTHING. You run yourself dry and then I have to MAKE you stop. To breathe and refuel. Listen to what your body and soul needs. STOP IT!! Stop it right now! Or you will die.”

It hit home. I looked at My Life. I was pouring myself into my J.O.B. and my relationships relentlessly. OCD is a bitch when it comes to stuff — you just can’t let shit go. But I had to. So I started adopting the 80/20 rule. I knew I had to keep 20% of me — for me. And I began to announce this fact to the world.

I pulled back at work. Don’t get me wrong — I do my J.O.B. with precision and excellence, but me running at 80% is still a damn fine nurse. I don’t fight the unwinnable battles anymore. I save that energy for more important stuff. Like my health and mental well being. I keep it in my bowl so I have something left to start the next ‘batch’, the next day.

Nurses are innate caregivers. My first boss once told me the really good nurses had a traumatizing event in their childhood which turned us into caregivers. He was raised by two alcoholic parents. He asked what mine was. I told him — mother died when I was twelve. He replied that he knew it because I had that ‘Special Something’. Over twenty-four years into my career, I know what he meant. The ‘Special Something’ is a selflessness that could kill me if I’m not careful.

I’m not unusual in my profession. Nurses suffer from back injuries, high blood pressure, kidney stones, depression, drug and alcohol addiction in astounding numbers. Our relationships many times end in divorce. We become experts at shielding ourselves from the emotional toll our J.O.B. takes and stick together in small social groups with other nurses who understand this personal hell.

We give 110% to strangers and our families suffer the loss of our presence in their day to day lives, on holidays, and other significant events due to crazy schedules, having to take call or just emotional fatigue. Because even when we are ‘there’ — we aren’t ‘there’. My family knows the moment I walk into an operating room, I am unreachable. They are on their own. They can call the front desk, but only under dire emergencies will I be able to leave work and go to them. DIRE EMERGENCIES. They are no longer my first priority once a patient is on my table.

And that is wrong.

80/20.

From here on out. I am hanging on to that 20%. I am hanging on to parts of myself so that I have starter dough to give to myself and all the important relationships in My Life.

Already the shift inside of me has happened. I am lighter. I feel more nourished and less impoverished. I will have bread to eat every day. There will be no more days of famine for My Body or My Soul. I have the ability to grow Love for myself and others.

For those of you who preach work harder, longer, more — I feel sorry for you. You need to work smarter and rest more. You need to make yourself and the things you love a priority. You need to do the math and keep things real. You need to hold onto a percentage of your life for yourself.

Your bodies will eventually tell you that you’re fucking up. Count on it. When your mind is running the show all by itself without checking in with your body and soul — things fall apart. Leave yourself the 20 and see what grows.

Namaste.

Note: This was The beginning — The Dawning Of The Realization — My Life was catty-whomp-ass. I have changed a lot of things about My Life since I wrote this. My Equation is a bit more balanced these days. ❤