Gut Feelings, Good Riddance
By: Sharon Bond
Tags: Workplace Relations, Workplace Diversity, Diversity, Workplace Culture, Inclusion

We love to see opinionated people get their hat handed to them, don’t we? It serves this internal desire to witness justice, to know our gut feeling about them was dead on accurate.

Early in my career I worked for a company that was fairly small , four stores and about 50 employees, and the owner was still in a position to set the image and company lingo to his personal preference without too much disagreement from upper management.

During my first holiday season as an entry level employee, the owner visited our shop and gathered the front line workers together for a chat. “It’s not Happy Holidays. It’s Merry Christmas!” Those were the first words out of his mouth, and then he let this awkward silence fill the air, a common tactic for creating fear I would later find out.

The feeling in the room was part fear and part shame, unfortunately. Most of the staff was young, about high school age. We didn’t have a lot of experience yet and he knew it. We were getting a reprimand for being inclusive. It felt wrong. It was wrong.

All of us on staff had been ending our interactions with customers by saying, “Happy Holidays!” with a smile and a wave as they left the store. Apparently, this was viewed as a threat to the status quo and against the preference of some patrons to our little shop, and they must have complained.

I’ll never forget that feeling in my gut telling me something more was going on than what we were being told. It wasn’t clear what would happen to us if we continued saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. There wasn’t exactly a discussion afterward, or a reason given. Would we be fired? We didn’t know.

After that order from the boss, some of us felt threatened. Not all of the employees celebrated in the same way he did. Maybe he knew that, maybe not. But all of the staff was in agreement that saying Happy Holidays was the most inclusive we could be with our visitors, yet we were stuck in a job where it was no longer allowed. And we all needed our jobs.

We were very aware that not every customer would be celebrating in the same way during the season. What we wanted most was to be recognized as thoughtful, caring people. Instead, we felt like angry elves during the happiest season, elves who had no control over their personal beliefs in the workplace. Customer service is hard enough without adding an arrogant boss into the picture, putting pressure on the staff from the leadership as well as the public.

I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I said Merry Christmas as customers left the store. I’m sure they felt it, because I wasn’t genuine. It was an inauthentic delivery, customer service from a can we used to call it. So fake. I decided this wasn’t the place for me and started looking for somewhere else to work.

A couple of weeks later though, we all got the news that the business was being sold to a group of investors. The major investor was a well known leader in the community, so there was someone on staff who knew of him and a little about his personal life. “He’s Jewish” she said, raising her eyebrows and smiling as she left the store that afternoon.

Ah. We understood what was really going on. How that must have stung the boss, to know that a business he worked so hard to build was going to be bought out by someone who was going to completely change the culture. A welcome change as far as we were concerned.

Your words matter. People will remember you for things you’ve said and how they felt. Express yourself, but don’t be careless.

Two things happened as a result of that experience. First, if anyone responded with “Merry Christmas” when I said “Happy Holidays” after that, I equated this with anti-Semitism, which was incorrect. It took a long time to undo that belief festering in my subconscious. Second, I developed a fear of standing up for myself in the workplace.

Each time we have a negative experience, it’s an opportunity for growth. I reflect on it now and then, but didn’t dwell on it as somebody being mean to me or making me feel bad. I used it as fuel, and started paying more attention and talking with people I wouldn’t usually start conversations with.

Once I was working for a new employer, I surrounded myself more intentionally with people who were proven to challenge bad behavior. I joined diversity training programs and organizations that promoted an inclusive workplace. I learned more and let my experiences shape me into someone I may not have had the opportunity to become, had they not happened.

I would never encourage someone to be other than who they are, but if you’re thinking about building a business of your own, consider your biases and language you choose during difficult conversations with your teams. They listen and care about what you say.

Everyone in your organization, if they feel like a team, feels responsibility for the behavior of the whole team. One careless remark from you can destroy years of hard work in building that team.

Most important, keep your focus on being better tomorrow than you are today. There are opportunities for growth around every corner and there is no finish line for self improvement.

I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but when you get that weird gut feeling, say good riddance to the cause. You are worth it. Your future team is worth it. Isn’t it?