What’s all this Trump, Trump, Trump on my page?!
By: Markus Scorelius
Tags: This Happened To Me, Election 2020, Alternate Reality, Family, Narcissism

What’s all this Trump, Trump, Trump on my page?!

Narcissists know how to push my buttons.

Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

My lashing out in the written word has more to do with timing than anything. Being essentially kicked out of my family at the same time as the election. My insistence that Covid-19 is real. Being so brazen as to go to work on a clinical trial for the treatment of Covid-19, spitting in the face of my family’s alternate reality was more than some of them could take.

That left me especially vulnerable to reacting, lashing out against any Republican, any lie, and any ignorant or hate-spewing commentary I saw in the news or on Medium.

As is always the case with narcissists, being on the defensive, I felt I had to defend reality against an onslaught of misinformation.

According to them, I’ve sold out the country to the communists as they drift even further rightward, moving and consolidating further to the right than I ever thought possible in my naive youth.

They used to be civil. They used to be able to discuss other things besides politics. So did I. They would say it was people like me, not giving deference to the President, not showing him proper respect through believing everything he says that led to this rift.

I would say it was their blind idolatrous worship of an egotistical, dangerous tyrannical narcissist that started this war of words between me and what seems like nearly everyone I know.

What really hit home was the way I was silenced and ignored. The rambling musings of a real estate tycoon’s medical advice regarding Covid-19 being trusted and believed over myself, someone who works on clinical trials, someone who has studied the virus for 8 months. I guess that makes me an elitist.

I’m afraid that a line has been crossed. They don’t know when to stop. When a worker at the bank refused to cash my paycheck last Friday, I got the message loud and clear: I am worthless. I have no value. My work means nothing. There is no level so low they will not stoop to it.

Attacking me where I live, attacking my income, my finances are a crime. A crime that, like many of Mr. Trump’s will go unpunished. I’m now supposed to believe the lie that it was a simple clerical error. A well-timed clerical error leaving me without food for 2 days. An error that caused my rent check to bounce.

That is a direct attack on my life and my livelihood. I’m supposed to repent my evil scientific ways and find my way back to white right-wing Jesus or suffer at the hands of his followers.

I’ve been awake for nearly 3 days without any sleep trying to salvage what I can of my life. I wonder how many of my fellow American citizens have been targeted.

It’s not enough that I break down into tears every day. It’s not enough that I’m isolated. It’s not enough that they have driven me to the brink of suicide. It’s not enough that my family believes that I am a traitor.

Some of those who believe in the narrative that has been crafted by the outgoing President is starting to actively target those who they have defined as their enemies.

I pray for the salvation of the soul of America, but I’m worried that I’m too late. A line has been crossed that can’t be uncrossed.

Even with my extensive experience with narcissistic abuse, I am only just beginning to see the damage that one of them can do to an entire society.

I will now do what I must: I will stop writing about Donald Trump. Not because of the personal attacks, but for my own mental health and well-being.

My family is lost. Living in their bubble, remaining ignorant, painting anyone who disagreed with them as their enemy was more important than tolerance, love, and respect for the truth.

I must accept that and move on. Knowing that 90% of the population of the planet agrees with me is no comfort. I will never be vindicated. I will never know justice. I will never hear “I”m sorry.”

I need to go get some sleep now. Maybe I’ll wake up and this nightmare will be over.