Transform Your Friendships With These Ideas
By: Wendy Miller
Tags: Life Lessons, Relationships, Lifestyle, Friendship, Women

Life is so busy. It’s unbelievably easy to allow too much time to pass and have a once-close friendship become nothing more than a distant acquaintanceship. It takes effort to keep a friendship thriving.

Our friendships are often a huge source of support and connection, but if we don’t take steps to keep those connections strong, we can find ourselves alone and adrift when we need our friends the most.

I’ve got seven simple things you can do to transform your friendships and keep the connections long-lasting.

Unplug from technology when you’re together

It’s become practically instinctive to reach for our phones when we hear a ping, chirp, ring, or ding. Even a phantom vibration is enough to have us grabbing and tapping on the screen sometimes. When we’re having lunch, dinner, or drinks with friends, we need to focus our attention on them.

I suggest putting the phone on silent or in your purse — and that’s only if turning it off isn’t an option. If you need to check it, wait until your friend goes to the restroom or limit yourself to once per hour. Excuse yourself when you do check it and keep it brief. Check to see if the kids have called or someone’s sick, and if there’s nothing of that nature, leave the rest for later.

Send some real mail now and then

Before she passed away recently, my grandma would send real birthday cards in the mail. Anniversary cards, too. Before she began to be too weak, she would also write letters to those she loved. In fact, she never used a computer. Ever.

There was always something about getting a letter or a card in the mail that was very different from getting an email or a text from someone. A happy birthday message on Facebook feels impersonal, even if you know the person truly means it. But a card sent through the mail shows you they put thought into choosing the card, signing it, addressing the envelope and dropping it in the mail (and that they probably remembered without a Facebook reminder).

You don’t need to do this all the time but find occasional reasons to send something through the mail. It will feel much more personal to your friend.

Remember dates that matter to them

A friend’s birthday is an obvious date to remember. But what about when they got married? Had their first child? Found out they were pregnant? And don’t stick with just the good days. Divorces, deaths of loved ones, miscarriages, and other sad days matter, too.

Reach out on important days and let your friend know you remember. Good or bad, they’ll be touched that you remembered and let them know. They’ll appreciate knowing you care, and that you’re there for them.

Don’t feel bad if you have to put these dates on your calendar. How you remember isn’t as important as remembering itself.

Make one-on-one plans, not just group plans

Group plans are convenient. We can catch up with a bunch of people at one time, saving time and possibly even money. But groups can also be a bit impersonal. A friend may be less likely to open up about something really personal when surrounded by so many people, particularly if some of the group happens to be people she doesn’t know well.

Make sure you schedule some one-on-one plans with friends. A dinner or lunch with just the two of you gives you more privacy to connect over intimate discussions that group get-togethers just don’t allow.

One-on-one plans also show your friend that you truly care about spending time with them. That will strengthen your connection more than you can imagine.

Photo by Ehimetalor Unuabona on Unsplash

Call your friends

Texting and instant messaging are incredibly convenient. We can send a message when we think of it without taking the time to dial a number and wait for the person (or their voicemail) answers. Middle of the night or middle of an important meeting doesn’t matter because a written message will wait.

But a good old-fashioned phone call is nice, too. Hearing someone’s voice, being able to talk over and around and with each other without waiting for a response first, and laughing together for real rather than with emojis brings back a feeling of connection and closeness that might be missing if all we do is text or message our friend.

There might be some trial and error with this. But once you start calling more regularly, you’ll begin to learn your friends’ schedules and be able to plan calls for times that are convenient for both of you.

Plan activities that don’t cost much

Many times when we plan a get-together with friends, we plan based on our own financial situation. We can afford an expensive dinner or night on the town, so that’s what we do. Or when money is tight, we might plan a night in — but it’s based on our situation, not that of our friends. Of course, we don’t want to make our friends uncomfortable by asking them if they can afford to do something.

Instead, try planning activities that don’t cost a lot. Spend days at museums or at the beach. Meet up at an exercise class at the gym you both have memberships to. If you want to have a meal out, choose inexpensive restaurants. Let them suggest activities from time to time. This is especially important for group gatherings.

Even if you believe a friend can afford more expensive activities, keep in mind that we never really know what’s going on behind closed doors. Offer your friends ways to spend time with you that won’t cost them much, if anything at all, so they know that you truly value their friendship and spending time with them.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Not every hangout has to be a “thing”

We often feel pressured to make hanging out with a friend a big “thing.” It has to be something special, something planned, something memorable. But sometimes the best times with friends are sitting on the couch, drinking wine and giving ourselves manicures or wearing face masks. Sometimes we can have a good time just running errands or hanging at the dog park with our friends.

If you want to call a friend and ask her to just come over and eat popcorn while you watch The Bachelor together, go for it. If you’re about to pop a frozen pizza in the oven and settle in with a movie you know your friend would love, invite her over. Sometimes the most memorable times with our friends are actually the most casual and unplanned moments.

Introduce friends who don’t know each other

We can often group our friends into categories: work friends, school friends, friends we met through our partner, etc. We also have a tendency to keep those friendships separate based on that. But why do that? Why not introduce them to each other?

Your friendships will be transformed by bringing together friends who don’t already know each other. You’ll open up more opportunities for getting together with friends by being able to mix and match which friends you can hang out with at the same time.

You’ll also find that creating connections between your friends deepens your connections with them.

When you want tighter, closer bonds with your friends, it doesn’t take much to create them. A few simple changes to what you currently do can totally transform a friendship from barely more than an acquaintanceship to a friendship that lasts a lifetime.