Worrying is Exhausting
By: Senopati Diinan
Tags: Self Improvement, Stoicism, Motivation, Happiness, Anxiety

Why we need to stop worrying on something we can’t control

Worrying is exhausting, it breaks you down, it’s pain in the chest, it’s weight in the head, it makes you sad, it makes you afraid, it makes you anxious, it makes you nervous, it makes you stressed, it drains your energy, it’s a chaos in mind, but somehow you keep thinking about it. And in the end, no matter how hard you think about it, how much energy you pour into that problem, it doesn’t change anything and the problem is still there.

You think about it too much for too long until it becomes bigger and scarier than it actually is. No point in only thinking about the problem because it’s out of our reach, out of our control. Nothing we can do about it. Just keep in mind that you already did your best and let God do the rest.

The threat doesn’t kill you, your anxiety does

In life sometimes we are faced with to exact same moment but everyone will react differently. As a person who afraid of height, one time I was on a flight, and I look down I was afraid that I’m going to fall. I hold my seat tightly and close my eyes down, my heart was beating so fast, I was nervous back then. Meanwhile, the person next to me sits calmly while listening to music through earphones, enjoying his trip on the plane.

And all I can say from that moment, it’s not about the thing itself, it how about you perceive thing. And in the end, the flight isn’t harmful at all but my mind is what kills me. We can’t control the situation but we can control how we react to the situation.

At least you tried

When we talk about worrying what most of us worry about is the future. When we talk about the future we will turn worried and anxious because we are afraid that things will not turn as we expect it, even we already did our best. We worry our sacrifice will go wasted, we worry that the future will not meet our expectations.

But the most important thing is we don’t live in the future. We live in the present so we have to act in present. Tomorrow is still out of our reach and today is all that we have. Instead of worrying, do something. Try to change a thing, the thing doesn’t going to change itself. Do your best, do your part, and let god do the rest.

Do your part doesn’t mean you doing your bare minimum and expecting the maximum result. Doing your part is you do the best you can until you see nothing more you can give because you already gave everything. Then let god do the rest, just pray to god and let him construct the best scenario on things you can’t control such as situations, others’ judgment, and the result itself.

For example, let say you’re applying for a job you needed. You apply for that position, follow the process until the interview stage. In the interview you learn a lot about what to say during interview, you put on the best clothes you have, you make a gentle handshake and warming smile just to give the best first impression to the interviewer. You put attention to detail from preparing your brain, your mental, your appearance, and even your small gesture, you also can answer all the questions from the interviewer confidently. You already give the best you can, but in the end, who decides are you gonna be recruited or not? You or the interviewer? Are the interviewer’s will is in your control? No, they all are within our control. And we shouldn’t think of something that out of our control. But the last thing we can do about something we can’t control is to pray to God hoping things to happen as we wished.

The Art of Expecting Less

Sometimes we expect too much on one thing and ended up disappointed if it doesn’t match our expectation. Sometimes we work hard enough and rely on them and believing that results will not betray its process or effort. But the reality it’s not our effort that deciding it happen or not.

I once find a quotes from internet, it says “hope for the best, prepare for the worst, expect nothing and you’ll never get hurt” sometimes our expectations hurt us, and the other what hurts us is worrying, worrying is a part of expecting something. When you don’t expect things then you don’t worry about anything.

Sometimes we’re confused and feeling mixed about being optimist, being positive, being confident, and over-expecting. That 4 things are related and it’s kinda impossible for you to separate them all. If you’re being optimist and confident enough about yourself then your mind will be positive and you start to build a certain expectation. The thing is if you become too confident and expecting too much then those will lead you into deep disappointment.

To avoid being disappointed, we have to be able to manage our expectations. we have to be able to separate being optimist and expecting too much. being optimist is important because with pessimism we’re not gonna achieve anything in life. When you aim to win, you have to understand that the bigger the target, the bigger effort is needed and it won’t be achieved easily.

Talking about expectation, we might have heard about the law of attraction before. In general, the law of attraction says that we will attract what we think. If we think about winning then we are going to win. The key is to fill the mind with positive thoughts. Most people misinterpret about positive thought, they think positive thought is enough to bring positive results, sometimes they don’t think about failure and they choose to not think about failure because they think it will ruin the law of attraction. With never think about losing, It makes them unprepared for the loss, it makes them unprepared for the unexpected thing.

Being positive is good but too much positivity is toxic. Sometimes too much positivity leads to overconfidence. Overconfidence leads to over expectation. Leave some room to expectation, don’t expect anything. Be prepared that the worst still be able to happen. Leave some room for any possibility. Make a backup plan, be prepared, because not everything will turn as you wish.

In short, imagine a tournament, and if all participants in that tournament thinking positively that they will win the tournament, does it mean that all of them will win the tournament? No. Only one of them can win lift the trophy. That shows positive thinking doesn’t win you games. Your effort does.

Everything will end well after all

When things crumbling down, when you feel you’re finished, when you feel you’ve hit the rock bottom, remember this is not the end. Tomorrow the sun will rise and we can try again. believe the future offers us better opportunities. If you already gave your best, you already pray to god but results still not on your side, then your time hasn’t arrived yet. And if you don’t win what you want then you will get something better other than this. We might think that this already the best and we don’t want any other choice but hold on wait a little longer. Your thing will come and somehow you’re gonna like it.

From what I learn is we don’t have to worry about the future because the future will shaped the way we visualize it. Whatever we visualize will happen. But not always in way we wanted. As long you gave your best effort, at least things can’t be any worse. If you don’t get what you wanted then you’ll get a better one, perhaps it will come in another form. Just keep in mind that you also improve yourself because you only meet the opportunity that matches your requirement.

And most times, when we tried and pray so hard, we do everything we can for so many times but we keep failing. We ask question to ourselves why this happen, and on most frustrating times we even want to ask to god why he’s not letting us to reach our goals. And in the end, you give up you make peace with yourself. But still, one thing can’t disappear from our mind, that our little heart seeking for the explanation. Seeking the reason behind all of this. And one day we’ll get the explanation. We’ll figure it out by ourselves and we’ll understand it. But on that day, we already happy with the situation in the future because finally, you can see the bigger picture you already live a better life.