Surrogacy During a Pandemic
By: Kim Barrett
Tags: Coronavirus, Covid 19, Pandemic, Surrogacy, Pregnancy

#6

Surrogacy During a Pandemic

Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

The last thing I did before the UK was ordered to stay at home in March was attend a surrogacy information day. Shortly afterwards, I sent off my application form and, in June, I was accepted as a full member of the surrogacy organisation, Surrogacy UK. This means the early days of my surrogacy journey have been heavily impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic.

I met Louise & Brian(*), the couple that I’d like to be a surrogate for, at one of the virtual socials that Surrogacy UK is running to replace their usual in-person ones. I hadn’t met them in person before I offered a “GTK”, which is Surrogacy UK’s term for the time during which a surrogate and intended parents get to know each other better and see if they are a good fit for one another. Surrogacy UK requires that this GTK period lasts for at least three months, a milestone I have just reached with Louise & Brian.

During the three months of our GTK, we have always been under some form of coronavirus restrictions, as well as the national lockdown in November. This has obviously limited the amount we could see each other and the types of social activities we could do together.

Instead, we’ve done the same thing that friends and family around the world have done and found ways to spend time together online. The only difference is that we didn’t know each other very well at the start and therefore needed to make time for us to get closer as friends.

As well as lots of video-calls where we just chatted, we did a virtual escape room and played online board games, both using a digital board game simulator and a physical board game that we’d split between our houses. We also went to the same online talk (which was coincidentally about surrogacy during COVID-19) and discussed it together afterwards.

Since entering the GTK, we have also met up in-person several times (when local and national restrictions allowed it). This has always been outside in our garden, so we’ve got used to socialising outdoors in early winter. As well as wearing lots of layers (although Brian unbelievably arrived at our first meeting without even a jumper) and buying a gazebo to keep off the rainy weather, we’ve gone on a couple of short walks together to stay warm.

During our GTK period, we needed to discuss some surrogacy-specific issues to make sure that everyone was on the same page, some of which are quite personal and private. It felt weird to do these over video-call rather than in person, but I preferred that to discussing them in the garden where my neighbours could overhear us.

Both at Surrogacy UK and elsewhere, there are many surrogates who were pregnant when the pandemic hit. Their surrogacy journeys were affected much more harshly by COVID-19 than mine has been, including intended parents who weren’t allowed to be present at the birth of their child. In many ways, I am lucky how little impact the pandemic has had and that I’m able to make an informed decision about how and when to proceed.

I’m hoping that by the time I actually (hopefully) get pregnant next year, the vaccine will have lowered the prevalence of coronavirus in our communities and there will be fewer restrictions on socialising. At the very least, I hope that before I give birth, I’ll be legally allowed to hug the parents of the child I’ll be carrying.