Don’t Tell Me I Should Be A Parent Just So I Get A Free Carer
By: Xayaat Saeed
Tags: Personal Growth, Self, Parenthood, Personal Development, Childfree By Choice

Don’t Tell Me I Should Be A Parent Just So I Get A Free Carer

Photo from Unsplash

I’m a writer. I do consider myself an amazing one. I do consider myself worthy of getting awarded the Nobel Peace Prize one day.

But that doesn’t mean it’ll happen.

I bet 95% of the writers you and I know will probably never get a Nobel.

So it would be inherently stupid to start writing just so you can get it.

Similarly, this is what I will probably say to people who object to anyone childfree with a question like this.

«But.. who’s gonna look after you when you’re old?»

First of all yeah, who said I’m getting to that age? Becoming old is actually rare.

And also, even if I do, I’ll have to spend at least 20 years taking care of a growing human just so that human can take care of me, if I even get to turn old.

I do something certain to get something uncertain in return.

Does that make sense?

I’ve been writing for nearly 7 years now. 7 years is a long time to be crafting an art. If I had the Nobel in mind, best believe I would’ve given up by now. Why?

Because the Nobel isn’t good enough for me to work years on end just so I can get a Nobel. There has to be something more, like actually enjoying writing. Because whether I get anything in return or not, I am still happy.

For most of my life, I’ve objected having children. The reasons were unhealthy. I looked at my own family life and painted children with the same brush. But I didn’t do the same with men and relationships. That’s the only reason why I even wanted to try. Because I knew that in general, relationships by definition, aren’t my parents’.

So I am changing my mind.

I wrote an article titled, «Why People Are Childfree-By-Choice» and I wrote it at a different time to when I usually do.

I usually want to write in the morning, but whenever I do, I keep getting interrupted. No, I don’t have children, but I have siblings. And a mother that I have to do almost everything for, so the high maintenance part is still ‘ere.

My ideas come forth in the mornings, but I can’t execute them. The night is the only time I can write, but I am knackered. So, I find myself just about managing to do nothing. Or warming up for nothing. Or I doze off, leaving my iPad on all night, on the text file I was typing on.

So annoying.

I get blocked because

I’m tired I’m tired

I don’t have the energy to stay awake or to produce something.

But on that particular day, I had a siesta. I wanted to write but thought that would be pointless since I knew I’d get interrupted. So I slept instead.

Then at night, something miraculous happened.

I finished the «Why People Are Childfree-By-Choice» article and I recorded a trailer for my new podcast and the very first episode!

Dude was I happy!

But that’s not all.

The very next day, I was playing with my sisters, my mind was cleared up. They were happy, I was happy.. insane.

The day was actually pretty good.

Usually, I’m telling them to go away.

They don’t.

And even if they do and I get to execute some creative idea, I manage to write a sentence before my mother calls my name telling me to do something. Either it’s that or I’m not doing anything at all because I’m scared I’ll get interrupted. Or I’m killing time because I’m scared I’ll get interrupted, which is even worse because for some reason, whenever I do that, I realise I spent hours «killing time» when I coulda just been productive.

But anyway, this isn’t about my lack of work ethic. I deleted paragraphs because I went off track but I’m back!

Anywho, there were other things I learned that day.

I learnt about love. Doing things for love. It reminds me of when school would close because it was snowing. I would walk all the way to the chicken shop, hands frozen and numb, and get chicken burgers and fries for the family while they sat at home, warm and cozy, watching Christmas movies.

I’d come home, freezing AF and I would stare at my plate thinking,

«I deserve more cause I’m the one who got it! I went all that way to get the same amount as everyone else?!»

But then another part of me would feel sort of.. generous. I kinda liked that.

BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT KIDS!