What My Physical Injury Taught Me About Mental Health
By: Lydia Waybright
Tags: Health, Mental Health, Fitness, Self, This Happened To Me

Rest does not equal weakness

When I got my first adjustment, the chiropractor told me that my body was “a hot mess express.” Then when I bore my soul to my therapist, her analysis was basically the same, though her language was more subtle. I had a lot of damage to deal with, physically and mentally. But in order to rebuild any strength in my hip or my heart, I had to rest.

Resting has always felt unnatural to me. Since I was a little kid, I’ve had a go-getter mentality. Taking breaks felt like an admission of failure. But I found myself in a situation where rest was an absolutely necessary part of moving forward. I couldn’t dead lift my way out of an asymmetrical set of hips, and I couldn’t distract myself away from emotional triggers. My chiropractor told me to take it easy. My therapist told me to protect my heart and give myself space to feel what I needed to feel.

I did not like either of these prescriptions. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my lack of invincibility. I wanted to speed past the aches and get straight to being healed. But both of the medical professionals insisted that it was impossible to go around the pain. I had to go through it.

In an ultra-competitive fitness environment, resting seemed a lot like weakness. As long as I was protecting my body, I knew my name wouldn’t be on the gym leaderboard. Let’s be honest, to an achievement-oriented person like me, rest would have felt like weakness regardless of what gym I went to. But the longer I spent grinding through the pain, the more I was delaying the healing process. Looking back, I have to wonder — if I had been serious about healing when I first strained my hip flexor, would I still be dealing with the pain today?

It was the same with my emotional wounds. You simply cannot outrun heartache. You can ignore it for an impressively long time, but it always catches up. When I finally started working through the trauma with my therapist, I was kicking myself for thinking I could avoid it forever. I had really only delayed the inevitable. Now, I’m here two years later and it feels like I’ve only just begun, because I didn’t allow myself to feel and express and rest from the start.

Discomfort does not equal pain

Our bodies have good instincts. Getting a good workout in is hardly ever comfortable. We’re probably all familiar with the sentiment that, “it hurts so good.” But sometimes, it hurts so bad. We know the difference. Our bodies tell us when something’s not right.

Discomfort is a good thing. Discomfort in a workout means you are pushing yourself — getting stronger, faster, etc. Discomfort in a mental health journey means you’re being vulnerable, accepting your feelings, and mending the broken pieces. But discomfort is not the same as pain.

So often in my fitness endeavors, I glided right past discomfort and kept snatching through the pain. What I learned in therapy was that the impulse that made me push myself to the point of pain during workouts was the same impulse that caused me to minimize myself and my needs for the sake of an unhealthy relationship. I wanted to achieve. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be impressive. I sacrificed my physical and mental well-being for it.

Here’s the thing: Exercise that damages your body isn’t fitness. And a relationship that damages your mind isn’t love.

My failure to distinguish discomfort from pain was detrimental to my health.

Hurting does not equal regression

Every time my hip aches, I get frustrated. It’s maddening when I go months without noticing any pain, and I think I’m completely past it. Then it surges again. The disappointment hurts worse than the hip. Each time the physical pain resurfaces, the emotional pain joins it. And then I’m doubly frustrated with my lack of progress.

I thought I was past this.

My therapist encourages me that having a hard day or getting triggered doesn’t cancel out all the healing that’s happened in the mean time. Healing is not linear, and it’s definitely not predictable. I’ve been able to apply that thinking to my physical healing, too. Even when my hip bothers me during a workout, I know that my hip flexors are getting stronger, because my chiropractor has given me exercises to do specifically for that. So when I feel an ache, though I’m tempted to be discouraged that I haven’t grown at all and I’ll live with the pain forever, I remind myself that I’ve already started to heal. And it’s working. It just takes time.