The Silver Bracelet: a Non-Binary Celebration
By: Dean Ripple
Tags: LGBTQ, Jewelry, Transgender, Gender Identity, Non Binary Identity

The bracelet that my family picked out for me. Photo by the author

Thirty-six years ago, I had recently graduated from college and lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. I had a job working in a lab and lived in my own apartment in Oakland. I was active in some self-actualization groups that just started to crack open who I was outside of my intellectual world. It was a good year to grow before heading off to graduate school. For reasons that were not clear to me, expressing myself as purely male didn’t seem complete. I asked a female friend if I could try on her eye makeup. She told me it’s a bad idea to share eye makeup because of the risk of transmitting bacteria and the like, but she showed me how to apply mascara after I bought my own. A man on the subway got angry at me because I was wearing mascara. Perhaps what was threatening was that my dress in other ways was very bland, clearly masculine, and conformist. Somehow, that bending of gender rules was frightening, even in downtown San Francisco. In fact, I was a very gentle young man who didn’t want to upset the world — I just wanted to live a freer life in a way I didn’t yet understand.

I also had an image of myself wearing a silver bracelet. I looked at the hand-crafted bracelets on display at the vendor tables on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley, but never quite found the right one before moving to the East Coast in 1985. The desire to explore my gender expression slipped away after moving away from San Francisco, immersing myself in my studies, and having my first long-term, cis relationship.

If someone had asked why I wanted to wear mascara and a bracelet back then, I doubt I could have verbally expressed any reasons why. I was only aware of a yearning inside, not too loud, but there. Living near San Francisco, I was aware of transgender women back then, but didn’t really think about what that meant and had no models of gender nonconformity. Until just a few years ago, I did not know what non-binary meant. Reading about the difference between sexuality and gender was a revelation, and when I learned about the ways that people experience being non-binary, I laughed, realizing that I had that experience long, long ago. The word was new, but not the feeling that went with it.

About three years ago, I rediscovered my non-binary self, as part of the process of healing from childhood trauma. I remember walking in to my therapist’s office one day, seeing her bright red toenails, and announcing to her, “I wish I could have toenails like that!” Of course, now I know that I can have red toenails. My feminine parts are exuberant and joyful, they are strong and patient, and they help heal all the rest of me.

A month ago, on a family Zoom get together, my daughter asked what we all wanted for Christmas. I knew what I wanted — that silver bracelet that I had never gotten for myself. I decided in the moment to ask for a silver bracelet. Back in 1985, I was looking for a simple band of only silver, but in 2021, the female side of me is more confident and present, and I asked for a bracelet with some gem stones. And, in 2021 I have a much better understanding of why I want to wear jewelry and nail polish. Feeling safe and full of joy and deserving is part of the message the bracelet carries, and all of that is important in healing childhood trauma. These little acts are also a small outward sign of welcoming the female parts of me into the outer world and acknowledging how they are a core part of who I am. It’s Christmas Day as I write this, and I’ve been wearing my bracelet all day. That the bracelet came from my accepting family is very touching to me too.