Why Everyone Should Think About Their Death More Often
By: Matt Lillywhite
Tags: Life Lessons, Spirituality, Life, Death, Philosophy

I used to be scared of dying. I was afraid of leaving this world, failing to accomplish my dreams, and being unable to live a long & happy life.

For many years, that was my mindset as I began to live each day in a perpetual state of fear. I couldn’t help it. Because the truth is, my paralyzing fear of death was preventing me from living in the present moment.

Looking back, I’ve realized that it’s pointless worrying about circumstances outside of your control, as your actions won’t have any effect on the outcome. As the Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius once said:

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Naturally, you can’t help but let your fear of death consume your thoughts and drag your mind into an abyss of anxiety from which it’s difficult to escape.

But if you want to begin living a better life, you need to stop worrying about events you cannot control so that you can focus all of your energy on what you can. As Reinhold Niebuhr says in the Serenity Prayer:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

This extract, written hundreds of years ago, has undoubtedly changed my life for the better. Because now that I accept that death is inevitable, I can focus on the time that I have in this world instead of worrying about the time I don’t.

For example, I know that I can die at any point during the next few weeks, years, or (hopefully) decades. But instead of spending my days worrying about death, I’ve eliminated negative thoughts from my mind and now focus solely on what I can do in the present moment to live a happier life.

The stoics had a phrase for this — Amor Fati (a love of fate). Because a great truth of life is that you cannot choose your circumstances, only your response to them. So instead of wishing for an external event to be different, take a moment to accept the current situation and make the most of it.

Are you stuck in the house with your family for several weeks, due to the Coronavirus pandemic? Amor Fati. Use it as an opportunity to become closer and strengthen your relationship with each other.

Did your partner break up with you after a long relationship? Amor Fati. You now know that they weren’t the right person to love for the rest of your life, so you can begin the process of finding someone else.

Are you struggling to maintain an optimistic mindset after losing your job? Amor Fati. You now have the opportunity to retrain in another field, move to a new city, or anything else that you may have previously been hesitant to do.

You get the idea. A love of your fate does not solely apply to death, but also every other aspect of your life.

Unfortunately, no amount of frustration or anger can change an external event. But one thing you can control is what you learn from it, and how you use the present moment to become a better person. Ryan Holiday said it best:

“There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself, and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”

I know that someday, I’m going to die. I can’t change that. But instead of viewing death as something to be feared, stoicism has taught me to use it as motivation for living a better life.

Because although the event of death is something that I cannot control, I certainly have the power to choose how I act each day until the end of my life, whenever that may be.

When your actions are focused on living in the present moment, you’ll discover that your life will change in ways that you never imagined.

The Stoics coined the Latin phrase “Memento Mori.” Translated as “remember your death,” it serves as a reminder for me to live with a sense of gratitude and optimism, knowing that my life could end at any moment.

“You could leave life right now,” Marcus Aurelius says, “Let that determine what you do and say and think.” If you let go of external events and focus on what’s within your control, the fear of death will fade away as you’ll immediately be living a better life.

Starting now.