Brutally Honest, Loving Self-Care
By: Adrienne O'Brien Lmt
Tags: Self Love, Motivation, Self Care, Inspiration, Confidence

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

There was a point in life when self-care was pouring a second glass of wine and jumping into a bathtub, a pile of work sitting on my desk that I would get to in tomorrow-land.

There was a time before that when self-care was blowing off an otherwise productive day to be unproductive with my friends.

Don’t get me wrong. Those things made me feel better. They instilled a sense of happiness in me that could carry me back to work, back to productivity with a happy mood and a sense of wholeness. There is a therapeutic benefit in spending a day laughing with your friends; my soul would continue to laugh and smile long after we parted from each other’s company.

As I’ve gotten older, the concept of self-care has shifted out of necessity. Those stories were from my early twenties, my first few years out in the real world as an adult, still navigating my way through life on my own, and seeking the innocent company of good friends when things got rough.

As I got into my late twenties, self-care became drinking less, eating out less, taking that saved money and using it on a massage, and seeing a chiropractor regularly. It meant coming home from work and hitting the yoga mat and foam roller to ease the soreness in my back from the day, instead of cracking open a beer on the couch with Netflix. Both methods could work to ease tension, but only one really benefited my health. Making the choices that were beneficial to my health became the essence of self-care.

Today, I’m in my thirties. I don’t have kids, but I run a business and own a house and most of my spare time is spent doing things to better myself or my career. I get overwhelmed at times, sometimes skipping the really important things on my to-do list for who-knows-what reasons, but eventually, I come back around to buckle down and do what I need to do.

Here is what I’ve learned about what self-care really is.

It’s not [always] wine and baths or beer and Netflix.

Self-care is letting go of the impulsive decisions that wither my health. It’s knowing I am not the resilient 22-year-old I once was and honoring that in myself. It’s knowing that a night of binge drinking will ruin the following day, and if I do choose to make that decision on a special occasion, taking the necessary steps to help my body recover, knowing I likely won’t do it again anytime soon.

It’s going to work and spending the spare time I have during my work weeks doing things to better myself. It’s working on my writing, not just by writing whatever I feel like on a page, but spending time studying the writing of those I aspire to be like, learning how to craft my own skills to constantly be getting better. It’s a consistent, persistent drive for self-improvement, filled with patience, self-appreciation, and love. It’s committing a little bit every day to make myself better and being in it for the long haul.

Self-care is going to bed on time, then waking up on time, having my morning routine that gets my brain and body going so I can take on the day.

It’s stretching and foam rolling and taking walks outside despite the weather, it’s hitting the yoga mat to twist myself into poses that alleviate the dull aches I once in a while get after a full day of being on my feet. It’s lifting weights to be stronger, constantly trying to be better. It’s committing to always being stronger today than I was yesterday, and getting just a little bit stronger tomorrow.

Self-care is realizing when life has thrown tension at me over and over for long enough that I need a break, then taking that break and feeling damn good about it. It’s scheduling that day off to stay home alone and read a book, to be in silence with my own company because I know that’s the space where I find healing and inspiration.

Self-care is asking others for help when you need it. Humans literally can’t survive without one another. If you are reading this, you likely didn’t build your own house, grow 100% of your own food, nor build the computer or phone you are reading this on. Human life is so intertwined with one another, we aren’t meant to it all alone.

Asking for help with a task at work, or just asking for support because you can’t handle life right now and need someone to turn to is not a sign of weakness, it’s honest, loving self-care.

Having someone you can turn to for your self-care rituals can help, too. Whether it be your massage therapist or your talk therapist, having someone to help ease the tension and stresses of everyday life, to help it melt from your muscles and your mind so that you can take on the next day with clarity, with the confidence to go back to your life and to your work as the best version of yourself.

Self-care is self-discipline, it’s knowing yourself and being honest with yourself, it’s asking for help when you need it and not being ashamed that you can’t do everything alone because nobody can. While days blowing off responsibility to spend time with your friends once in a while is good for the soul, owning up to that responsibility you skipped is just as important.

Self-care is that innate, deep connection to yourself, grabbing yourself by the reins and navigating the world with the confidence you are capable of, letting your light shine brightly, and knowing when that lightbulb needs to be dusted off.

Final thoughts…

Take excellent care of yourself, because you deserve it, and the world deserves the best version of yourself that you have to offer.