Autumn and Summer
Tags: Lovestory, Age Differences, Nigerian Writing, Romance, Choices

Autumn and Summer

Neka lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. Valentine’s Day had come and gone and she was no closer to a decision. Why had she set that date as a benchmark anyway? For sure she was past the age when such dates should factor in her decision-making. She gave it some thought and decided that it wasn’t because Valentine’s Day held any special significance, but because setting a time-frame might spur her on to decide.

Aik. Marriage. Forever after.

Easier said than done.

Did she love him enough to take the risk?

Did he love her enough to navigate the storms when they came?

Neka rolled over. She stretched and luxuriated in the sensations that assailed her when her thighs rubbed together as she rolled over again. Then there was this.

Sexual desire.

So, this is what it feels like she mused? Odd that she used to think people who made seemingly foolish decisions under the influence of sexual attraction were feeble-minded.

She’d also used to think they were exaggerating and projecting responses they had assimilated from reading too much fiction and watching too many movies. She laughed self-deprecatingly. Now she knew better. Aik had shown her different.

He wasn’t the first man she had been attracted to since Ralu passed on. There had been a brief affair at the end of her official one-year mourning period. There had been a sexual element to it, but she had been hungrier for companionship. For the feeling of having someone in her life. It had been short-lived but it served its purpose.

Aik was the first person she had permitted herself to let her guard down with enough to make the effort to get to know him. After that first affair, she‘d decided to avoid entanglements; especially because many men thought widows were fair game. She channeled her energies into raising her children as best as she could. Having made room for Aik in her life, she had to admit that what she felt with him was different from anything she had previously experienced.

The most unsettling aspect of her feelings for him remained the fierce sexual hunger he aroused in her. Her inability to rein in that hunger made her feel unusually vulnerable in ways that her emotional attachment to him didn’t. The novelty of it and its power over her gave her pause.

Neka had never considered herself to be a very sexual person. Finding herself in the grip of a sexual thrall that caused her to fantasize about doing things and having things done to her by Aik was uncharted territory. Her friend Kelechi said she was at her sexual peak and now aware of her body and knowledgeable about it in ways she may not have been before. Kelechi also thought that because Neka wasn’t preoccupied with presenting herself as a “good girl” or a “wife material” to Aik, her inner vixen was able to show itself unashamedly. This was an angle she hadn’t considered.

She had been married for 13 years before Ralu’s tragic death 2 years ago and they had had a good marriage. Sex had been ok. But she could take it or leave it. Ralu had been more sexually inclined and she had done her best to meet his sexual needs. Wanting to have sex just because, and jumping her man’s bones. . . She didn’t recognise this woman.

When she was with Aik, sometimes the sexual tension was so thick it felt like an independent entity. She knew Aik wanted her as badly as she wanted him. It was apparent in the way he touched her on the slightest pretext. The near constant bulge he had when they were together doing even the most mundane things. Nonetheless, he had persuaded her to agree that their sexual attraction wouldn’t drive the relationship. Aik insisted that he wanted a commitment from her. A lifelong commitment. This was the sticking point. Neka was anxious about the repercussions of a long – term commitment. The odds weren’t in their favour. She repeatedly insisted that they enjoy what they had in a quiet affair until whatever this thing between them was burnt itself out. Aik refused. He wanted all of her or nothing.

Neka cupped one breast and ran her forefinger in circles around her nipple. A quiet moan escaped her parted lips. She remembered how it felt when Aik made a similar move while kissing her goodnight.

Aik, Aik. Her thoughts were in a turmoil.

Aik had left her unfulfilled last night even though she had felt his burgeoning erection nudging insistently against her ass. She had been spooned into in him on the couch while they watched a documentary. She had been so aroused from all that kissing and touching.

She couldn’t remember what the documentary was about. Before Aik, she didn’t think it was possible to be so aroused that the wetness seeped into your underwear and made it damp. She now knew better. Aik had shattered all her preconceived notions about sex.

Last night, he left her when she was begging him to suck on her breasts. She had been so close… She knew she would come if he did that and she hoped to trick an orgasm out of him since he was playing hardball. But he knew her so well.

He laughed softly and shook his head when she begged.

“Please baby, I want to feel your mouth on me.” Her voice had been soft with arousal.

Aik had chuckled. . . “Not so fast Nne. I know what you want. You know what I want. Say “Yes” and you will get it.” He circled her nipple with his thumb one last time and pulled back as he spoke.

Despite his gentle teasing last night, Neka could tell that he was getting impatient. She understood his impatience. Kind of. But what did he expect her to do? Which of the many odds against them was she to discountenance?

First and most obvious was the age difference. She was 42 to his 35. He was a successful young man in his prime. She was a widow with two teenagers; 14 and 12. That was a lot of baggage for anyone to take on. For a young man with his entire life ahead of him; Neka was sure that Aik would ultimately resent her if she accepted his proposal. He needed to begin life fresh with babies of his own with a woman sans baggage. Then, there would be the inevitable pushback from his family. She could understand that. She would be leery of her 35-year-old brother hooking up with a 42-year-old woman if the tables were turned. Double-standards if she expected any less from his family. Neka sighed again.

What about children? She wasn’t yet menopausal. But at this age, she was sub-optimally fertile and there were increased risks of birth defects like Downs Syndrome and other issues.

Why was Aik making this so hard? She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she often fantasised about being married to Aik. Falling asleep beside him and waking up to him for the rest of her life. Having his shoulder to lean on, his strong unflappable support through life’s challenging moments. To hear him say with that look in his eyes “Nne, I’m here. It’s ok.” Seeing his eyes light up with pleasure because she did something that brought him joy, laughing together and celebrating life’s wins. Images of daily life with him, indulging in the give and take of being a couple; these thoughts tempted her. But fear paralysed her.

What if he began to notice the more attractive younger women who constantly flocked about him? For now, she still looked good for her age. But time is a cruel mistress. She wouldn’t escape the ravages of time forever.

Neka made herself think dispassionately about her attraction to Aik. It was a factor but it wasn’t purely physical. Aik was such a real and normal person. No undue airs and graces, posturing or game-playing.

He was focused, hardworking, God-fearing, caring and thoughtful. He genuinely cared about her and the challenges widowhood and the attendant single parenting had thrown at her. It also didn’t hurt that he was hot.

She thought back to their first meeting. She hadn’t realised that he was not the basketball coach at her children’s basketball academy when she met him. He was tall enough, built enough and good enough on the court to be. When she blushingly apologized for her error after her daughter corrected her the day they met, he had brushed it off, telling her that he had been on a basketball scholarship throughout college in the States so she wasn’t far off the mark. They’d talked and laughed a bit more. He explained that because he knew the opportunities sport could provide for children, his company set up and supported the academy with the help of several other corporates. The children who were good enough were helped to prepare college scholarship applications when the time came and so far, they’d had a decent success rate. He told her it wasn’t all roses though. Sometimes a child alone abroad for the first time was so badly hit by the culture shock and needed guidance to prevent him from going off the rails. For that reason, they had set-up mentors where possible for their kids who were fortunate enough to win the scholarships. It was so easy to get carried away by the temptations so readily available. She was amazed at his passion for young people and said as much. He laughed it off and said it was the least he could do. That maybe one day, he would tell her his story. They talked a bit more and he gave her his card and took hers when they said goodnight.

After that first meeting, fate had conspired to throw them together at several tournaments her son Chidalu had played in. Aik was massively excited about Chidalu’s talent.

She noticed him a lot at those events. She took a lot of pleasure watching him and grew quite attracted to him but he was “Hot puff-puff” and she noticed many women tried to catch his attention so she admired him from afar off and laughed at the antics of the women who flirted with him; the mothers as well as the beautiful young brand ambassadors of corporate sponsors who were ever-present at those events. They all flirted and tried to be the focus of his attention. She observed that he was always pleasant but remained aloof. She didn’t think he noticed her much, least of all singling her out as a love interest. But surprisingly, one evening when she picked the kids, he asked hesitantly if she would go out with him that weekend. She remembered looking quizzically at him and asking “Why?”

He’d looked right back at her and said “I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while. I would like to get to know you better.”

She’d agreed and they had spent a delightful afternoon at an arcade playing games. It was a different experience for her from when she took her kids and she stayed apart reading while they played. He brought out the fun-loving and playful part of her that widowhood and the cares of solo parenting had suppressed. She laughed so hard and he found her attempts at some of the games utterly hilarious. She hadn’t had so much fun in so long. When he took her home that evening, he said he hadn’t had such a good time in ages. She admitted the same. He kissed her on the cheek and they parted.

That was the start of a discovering of one another. He had gradually become a part of their lives. Spending time either with her alone, or including the kids. The more of him she knew, the harder she fell for him. But, fear held her back.

Aik:

When people talked about following the path of least resistance, his question in response was; “What if the least resistant path isn’t the best one?” A proper coconut head is what you are Aik. He laughed out loud and shook his head at his stubbornness. His mother always said he had been born stubborn. That even if the entire world gave up in the face of resistance, Aik wouldn’t. His tenacity and capacity for hard work coupled with well-above average intelligence and a belief that he had something special to contribute drove him. But this time it looked like a coconut head wasn’t going to be sufficient to grant him his heart’s desire.

Neka. Saying her name made him smile. He wanted her. But it was more than wanting. He loved her and he just knew that she was the woman for him. She was a real class act. He’d noticed her a few times before the day he finally met her. He initially hadn’t realised that she was the mother of one of the star players at the academy. Her son Chidalu was amazing on the court. His sister Chikamara was good but she wasn’t in her brother’s league. Chidalu possessed a rare talent and he had great hopes for the young man’s future. Right now, however, his preoccupation was in getting Neka to accept his proposal.

Bachelor living had great for a while but he had had enough of it. He was at the stage where he wanted to begin to consolidate his efforts. He was building in a direction and he found that his pleasure lay in enjoying his success with a partner who could relate and could understand that it was a journey.

His experience of the dating scene left a sour taste. So many people seemed fixated on what their partner should and ought to be doing for them. This didn’t in itself bother him. He was generous-hearted. He didn’t know any other way to be. But so many people wanted to take while giving the barest minimum. Worse was the sense of entitlement. The lack of respect and appreciation for the generosity they received. He didn’t get it. It was the selfishness he saw when it was flipped that bothered the hell out of him. In exchange for a lengthy shopping list of “What My Partner Should be doing for me.” Many women seemed to only offer sex or access to their bodies. Was that such a great trade-off for him?

He knew Neka thought he was crazy when he said he would marry her. He knew she didn’t feel an urgent need to remarry but he knew he wouldn’t give up until he won her.

He was unable to wrap his head around the fact that she had no idea how rare her brand of loving was. The way she cared about his plans, thoughts and all. She always checked on him. She remembered things he had told her about himself and was thoughtful and deliberate about pleasing him. He loved the way she was with her children. Loving yet firm. They were like a charmed circle against the world and he wanted to belong to their circle. God forgive him; but he was grateful to her dead husband for dying and leaving her free for him.

Neka wasn’t over-effusive in her attentions but she always managed to leave him feeling like there was a warm cloak over him. Like he had his own personal cheerleader. Why did it sometimes seem like life often stopped just short of giving us exactly what we wanted… why?

He needed to find the key that would unlock her heart from the fear which paralysed her. What was the key?

The End?

TBC?🤷‍♀️😊