Episode 2/67: “The Kingsroad”
By: Jackie Jennings
Tags: Asoiaf, Television, Recaps, Game of Thrones

Episode 2/67: “The Kingsroad”

Hello and welcome back. It’s Episode 2 and I’m starting to think this is insane. Doesn’t bode well for episode 49! Let’s dive in.

First impressions: Barry looks fine? Bill Hader’s funny but I dunno, I’m not dying to watch it. This preview looks fun but it’s not in my top five must watch. This is just an HBO preview.

Aaaaand here we go with the Previously On. HOO boy, these lil’ baby Previously On’s have NO idea how much work they are going to do in the years to come.

Speaking of work, ep 2 is still doing the work of introducing us to lots of main characters. First up to the plate is JORAH! Dany is having a rough time learning to ride both her horse and her Khal and ya know Jorah’s there to help. It doesn’t seem like he’s got his old man crush YET but we know where all of this kindness is heading — nowhere, sorry dude!

via Giphy

We also get way more Tyrion in this episode. We learn he’s smart, he’s the only person to ever discipline Joff, and that he probably knows all about Jaime and Cersei. Ew! But, hey, family is family and Tyrion is loyal to his. BUT ARE THE LANNISTERS HIS FAMILY I DON’T KNOW AHHHH SEASON 8 WHERE ARE YOU!?!

Once she finds out Bran isn’t going to die from Jamie’s little ‘love tap’, Cersei heads up to Bran’s sick chamber to pay a visit/gather intel, prob. The scene we then get between Cersei and Catelyn scene never happens in the books.

Wow, is this my first ‘Um, in the books…’ moment? Maybe! Anyway, in the books we know Cersei was once pregnant by Robert but it’s implied she had an abortion. In this scene, Cersei reveals the child was born, she wanted it, and it died. A pretty big change! In fact, the whole Robert/Cersei relationship is so different in the show and it’s one spot where I think the books are better. But without extensive flashbacks and way more info about Rhaegar, it’s impossible to communicate. So rather than Cersei’s anger with Robert being centered on him killing Rhaegar (like in the bewks), it’s fueled by the fact that Cersei did once love Robert but he’s a moron.

Moving on: Arya gets Needle, a very cool present from Jon and also really fucking dangerous. It’s the Westerosi equivalent of giving your little sister a gun which is insane. But w/e shit’s crazy up North.

via Giphy

“You might not have my name but you have my blood”

-Nedworth Stark I

Sooo I will admit — my first watch and read-through I was tearing past so much and didn’t think too much about who Jon’s mom was. And on re-watch I still think this line plays weirdly. Sean Bean doesn’t deliver it like it’s a cryptic confession or some very heavy subtext. So I’m going to give myself a pass for not making much of this line on first viewing. Buuuut later when he’s having lunch with Robert and gets super touchy about Jon’s parentage…yeah, I should have noticed that. Oops! And and also, it’s morally fucked up but purely from a tactical stand point, Robert was right to try and kill Dany. Oh well!

Moving right on down the (kings)road, we arrive at the assassin trying to kill Bran. Catelyn and Summer make quick work of his murdering ass. Tyrion accompanies Jon to the wall so that he can experience an epic piss off the side. Tyrion also tips Joham off that the Watch might…suck?

via Giphy

Dany gets Doreah the sex tutor, which I will admit, I thought happened much later. In fact I forgot how quickly Dany and Drogo start to like each other. And, hey, for a show that is very down with rape, they’re pretty coy with lesbian sex. In the books (my second!) Khaleesi and her maid Irri fully get it on but here it’s kept pretty PG (I may not understand ratings systems). ANYWAY Dany gets on top of Drogo and now they are in love.

Back to CSI: Westeros — Catelyn discovers a single blond hair in an open tower, like, a full month after Cersei was up there getting boned by Jamie. This scene feels unnecessary. The murder attempt + Valyrian steel dagger + Lysa’s letter is enough to implicate the Lannisters, IMHO. The assembled Staks and Stark lovers agree that some fuckery is afoot and a plan is hatched to warn Ned.

Fast forward to the Arya/Sansa/Mycah scene — we get our first peeks at how sadistic and cowardly Joffrey is, how whipped The Hound is, how whipped the king is and how ruthless Cersei is when it comes to her kids. We also get Sssssssansa the Snake.

Ugh, Sansa. Sansa, Sansa, Sansa. This scene takes me so far back. When I first watched the show, I hated Sansa at this point. Of every obvious monster already present, it was Sansa I couldn’t stomach. Internalized misogyny? Maybe. I also think her character *at this point* is so profoundly boring and stupid. Jaime gets a lot of credit for his incredible, complicated redemption arc but I don’t think any character on TV has, at least in my mind, gone from so thoroughly hatable and disposable to beloved as Sansa Stark. MY QUEEN IN THE NORTH 4EVA…but not yet, at this point she sucks.

The ep ends with yet another unnecessary Ned Stark beheading. Seriously, just let the wolf GO. What’s the fucking point of killing her? And did we have to see Mycah get killed? Ugh, I mean, I actually think these are important moments that help develop several characters while also showing us exactly how dangerous a position the Starks are in already. But the end of this episode still turns my stomach.

PEENS AND BEANS

I think in this ep we only get Dany’s boobs

So far:

Beans: 7

Peens: 0

STAY PEELED

Nothing rang out to me in this ep as a tidbit to monitor.

Until next time (tomorrow)!