The Problem of Evil by an Amoral God of an addict
By: Vidura Fandango
Tags: Autobiography, Irreverente, Addiction, God, Self-awareness

The Problem of Evil by an Amoral God of an addict Vidura Fandango Jul 6·9 min read

Here we go again, into the fathomless abyss of what it is to be human. But with scones and jazz and a few unnecessary ‘motherfuckers,’ because I am what I am.

Dear God,

Here I am thinking ‘what should I write? What would be interesting? But I know that my mind is full of ill-begotten holes, that the worms of my drug abuse and just general bastardy have wrought. Following my mind is like following someone who I know lies like a cheap whore; out of desperation, ignorance and necessity. It goes where i do not want to be led.

I recognise within me a desire to be liked. To astonish. To be told, wow Mr Fandango, you are the motherfucking best! Arrogance and insecurity are my bedfellows. Shouting at eachother from each their side of the continuum, where humility and self worth reside. So fuck it all, I just write and try to be honest.

Dear God, What do we have in store for us today?

Little Vidura. I like it. Well, you know how i like to answer questions. Perhaps the handful of those that read may wish to pose a question that you may write some of your automatic theological-jazz and see where it takes you. But for know let us speak of evil.

Alright. Though it feels pretty early in the morning for that.

What better time to discuss the merits and intricacies of evil, than when the little birds are twinkling at eachother?

… erm… OK…

So, let us discuss the problem of evil or suffering. If God is omnibenevolent / all loving or good, If God is omnipotent / all pwerful and finally if God is omniscient / all knowing, then why is there so much darned suffering or evil in the world? Right?

I guess so. I mean yes, that is how the argument goes. But I have made peace with this, in that I sort of don’t care.

That’s a lie. You do care. Aren’t you cool huh, Mr Fandango? You don’t care about suffering and evil, like all the cool kids! Anyway, that’s what we’re discussing, so put your socks on, turn up the volume and eat a cheese sandwich, here we go.

OK. An interesting turn of phrase. So please Wise and Confusing One, unnecessarily invisible and difficult to know. If you, or the bigger aspect of you outside my worm-riddled brain and tear stained heart, is good, then what the fuck gwan?

Nicely put. Well you see Vidura. I’m just like Zaphod Beeblebrox, I’m just this guy, you know. Am I good? I don’t really know. Not good as you understand it, that I’m certain of. If I am the cause of all causes, the one without another, creator, destoyer, father, mother, etc then this shit is certainly all my fault. Right?

Yes. Though i think many religious types would argue that we have free will and that is like a trump card, where you no longer hold responsibility for the fucked up state of the world and the atrocities that occur on a regular basis.

Yes. Well, I take responsibility. As you have argued in your head, if I am the computer game designer, I have created a messed up version of Doom, Call of Duty, GTA and The Sims. In GTA you can kill hookers, or back in the day you could run over fleeing Hare Krishna’s. You didn’t have to, but you could. I the programmer and designer of this material reality have designed every aspect, every possibility and potentiality. Thus, the desire to rape, pillage, lie, cheat, to love, to honor, to hold and to cherish; all of these things I have concocted out of the cosmic goo I get from my cosmic anus — I jest. I am the best and the worst in Man. — As a quick aside, I use the word Man, not as the so call un-gendered term for all humanity, which is pretty sexist. Like God being referred to as He, though it is understood the the concept of Godhead transcends human concepts of masculinity. I however am using it from the Sanskrit derivative, meaning Mind. In this way, all humans are connected, both men and women. It is important to define one’s terms, is it not? Now where was I…

Yes, so I am the creator of potentiality. I made the rules of the game and therefore in this way the buck stops with me’Not a blade of grass moves without His will,’ right?

If I am so awesomely powerful, the argument goes, I ought to be able to stop bad things happening. If I am so all knowingly clever, then Iwill know when bad things are going to happen. In fact, I will have always known. And if I am so omni-wonderfully lovely, then I should want to stop this shit from happening. Boom, logic! Ipso Facto God doesn’t exist, or at the very least, God does not have one of those necessary ingredients (omniscience, omni-benevolence and omnipotence) which are sort of important for God being God.

Yep. That’s right. So, please go on…

Now, what you have not taken into account is that ‘I don’t actually give a fuck.’ And most importantly this does not make me bad. Yes, normally, not giving a fuck is pretty bad. I will explain.

Imagine you are a child, or a teenager, or an adult that never grew up for that matter, wasting your sweet and precious time blowing people up on Call of Duty. Now, that does not make you a murderer, right? In call of duty, imagine you go and see a prostitute and afterward you run her over. The police aren’t coming after you for that one. In fact, it could be argued, that it does not write upon your moral self at all. It could also be argued that it does, because it degrades your inner compassion by desensitizing you to doing bad things. Let us put that aside however.

This world is not real. It is and it is not. But it does not write itself onto who you as humans are. And what you are is little sparks of infinity, buzzing around the place, creating shit and loving things. To speak of souls, or your essence lets say, your essence, your very self ‘cannot be cut, burned or set aflame.’ You cannot die. This material world is a fucked up playground, for you all to experience whatever it is that you wish, and the consequences thereof. For every choice must be paid for. Not in a going to burn in hell sort of way, though that is an option if you so desire it. As I will fulfill all desires. But in a ‘for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ sorta way.

I see you from this God’s eye point of view. I know you cannot be touched by the burning flames that eat you up. I loved Pol Pot, Mau, Stalin and Hitler as much as I love everyone else. Because they too are worthy of love. Because I am love.

Now that is not to say that they weren’t crazy fucking evil psychopaths. It is not to say that I didn’t give a shit at all the millions of people they slaughtered and were slaughtered in their name (not to speak of the people that have been slaughtered in my name). I can see with both eyes to speak. I have a ‘human moral compass too’ and also i see from a God’s eye view.

Trust me when I say, that nothing touches anyone. All you are is love. Genuinely and not in some hippy dippy ‘bidi’ smoking, pyjama wearing sort of way. How to explain.

Life emanates from what for the sake of simplicity i will call your soul (not in a dualistic way necessarily.) The soul is satisfied, peaceful, loving, full of knowledge and bliss and individuality.

I made you and sort of am you and not at the same time. But this universe and all the universes are sort of not for you. They are for me and my enjoyment. I am Almighty God. I wish to experience and know every possible and impossible thing always. Thus I create (again these words give off implications about the nature of time and so on, that I urge you not to overthink) all living things, so as to have a massive fucking laugh. But because I am God, I do not just want to laugh, I want it All. Tears and Laughter. Joy, hate. I want to experience myself through they eyes and hearts of a million million beings, eternally. In truth, i just want to dance with you guys and that is what we are doing, all of the time, whether you know it or not. And unfortunately for you guys (not really) I like some terrible fucking dances. And when i mean terrible I am not talking about the Macarena. I want to experience it All. And so do you. It is not just about me. I’m a good guy, you know. And there is free will. Do you think i would have let you come to this world of tears without you asking? No, I wouldn’t. Did i make it possible for you to become dissatisfied with ever increasing ecstasy and want to dip your toe into this dark ocean of madness? Yes i did do that. because as I am, so will you be free. You are not my slaves. And though what you are made of is basically love of me and yourself, I will not force you to come to me, as that is not love. You may come to me, when you are tired of this world and all the myriad universes beyond your comprehension. But, I am always here, waiting for you. Cheering you on. Even as I look on, in complete detachment, as you set fire to the world and kill eachother in awful and terrible ways.

I even intervene at times. Because even as I am the lawmaker, so too am i the law breaker. I’m a cheat, what can I say. if you want me, I will come to you. I am the most detached, and the most loving, simultaneously. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

I’m not sure if this makes you good? Interesting, terrible, awesome, yes?But not good. Also, even if this is a dream or some sort of unreality and we are all little sparks of whatever, we still believe it? It fucking hurts? What the fuck God? That doesn’t seem so good to me.

Fair point. But just because you believe it doesn’t make it real. And it is not unreal. It is a mixture of the two. Like when you watch a movie. If its good, you get drawn in, you don’t notice the shit acting, the clumsy set, etc. It is happening, it is real for those 2 hours.

In the same way you are drawn in, even though it is not real. You can come to the place of love, peace, satisfaction, whatever you want to call it. It is there. You need too relax and not get so caught up in it all. Just like watching a movie. Take a step back, relax, don’t get so ‘het up’ that your favourite character just died in Game of Thrones.

The movie is real. it is really taking place. And it is not, because when you begin to detach, you find another reality within yourself, that is even more real. One that you have actual ‘control’ (for the want of a better word) over. Yes you believe it all. But you don’t have to. Yes it is awful. But it doesn’t touch you. Not really.

Look, i know this is hard to accept. And frankly, i don’t care if you do. And it could justify some terrible acts, like people living like a bunch of psychopathic solipsists. So let me tell you this. What you do does matter. It does and it doesn’t. You have countless eternities to do whatever you like here. And if you cause pain, you will experience it. And even in a non-cosmic-karmic sort of way. Think, when you are a cunt, people don’t like you. When you cheat on your wife Vidura, you lose the respect of your friends and you break up your family. You have to live with the consequences of your actions. And they hurt. So be careful out there. This game is R-rated. It’s not for the faint of heart. It is fucked out there. Have you read the papers recently?

I still don’t like it. It doesn’t feel like a fair choice, as what you’re saying ‘reality is’ isn’t that fucking obvious. It’s much easier to believe in the pain of getting punched in the face, than in detaching myself from believing everything that I hear and see around me and believing in a bit of a selfish prick God.

Now you’re just hurting feelings. Well Vidura, I hear you. You would have done differently. But I am God and you are not and this is the way I have ordained it all. t is bitter medicine and so fucking good that you can’t bare it all at the same time. All you have to do is ask. It’s that easy. Come to me. I will crush you with my Love until you cannot stand the ecstasy of it. Like it or not, this is the way it is. You are mine, as I am yours. Come dance with me as I create and destroy Universes with gay abandon. Loving everyone and every minute of it, even as I know your anguish and terror. Come, let us dance.