THE IMPORTANCE OF REAL CONVERSATIONS
By: Harshada Khanolkar
Tags: Create Connections, Vulnerability, Life Coach, Talks, Conversations

THE IMPORTANCE OF REAL CONVERSATIONS

We live in times of super connectivity. Thanks to technology, today we can today speak with anyone anywhere in the world in real time. And yet, we are facing a loneliness epidemic.

The irony is that even though most times, we are surrounded by friends and family we cannot have real conversations with them. One of the reasons for this is most times we are so distracted that we cannot be fully present and give undivided attention to the person in front of us. While we are talking or listening to someone, our brains are either focussing on what we need to do next or say next to appear perfect. Conversation means being present to what the other person is communicating through actions, expressions, words and tone. And to respond from that place of presence without judgement or impatience. To allow ourselves and others this experience would actually be one of the most human we will ever do. As Sherry Turkle mentions in her book, Reclaiming Conversations: The Power Of Talk In A Digital Age, “Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It is where we develop the capacity of empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard and of being understood. Conversation advances self-reflection, the conversations with ourselves that are the cornerstone of early development and continue throughout life.”

Conversing with someone also involves being vulnerable which we are reluctant to do. To unmask and bring our fears and flaws to the table is an extremely scary thought. Most times, we are afraid to deal with our incapability to handle strong emotions. In the pursuit of appearing perfect, we have forgotten to be human. And yet, our most memorable conversations are the ones where we dropped judgement and showed up as fallible individuals.

I remember once talking to a friend who hated attending funerals. He said they made him uncomfortable. He couldn’t handle the grief of the bereaved as it made him feel helpless. It was far easier to just send a message of condolence. I see so many people like this friend, who prefer flight from conversations. What’s scary though is when I see children glued to their phones or tab, I realize we are raising people who won’t be able to talk to each other. These children are missing the richness of deep conversations, of laughing together, of fighting and making up and of making mistakes… of making memories.

As we face the new normal, we are placing importance on qualities like Empathy, compassion, presence. All these are the basic ingredients of a real conversation. Real conversations help us learn. They help us form relationships — with ourselves, others and our environment. Close relationships are known to delay physical and mental deterioration, increase longevity and are better predictors of happiness than IQ, social class and even genetics. They give us hope and uplift us as we face the trials of our daily lives.

SGI president, Dr. Daisaku Ikeda says, “ Now, more than ever, we need to develop the qualities of strength, wisdom and hope as we forge expanding networks of mutual support.

In the end, the key to living in a stress-filled society lies in feeling the suffering of others as our own — in unleashing the universal human capacity for empathy. There is no need to carry the burden of a heavy heart alone.”

So engage in a heart to heart conversation today, make a connection — it’s a very powerful proposition!!