Giving Up Social Media For 30 Days
By: Katie Sheps
Tags: Technology, Social Media, 30 Day Challenge, Digital Detox, Happiness

Giving Up Social Media For 30 Days

Social media sites keep us scrolling with some clever tactics. Here’s how I am re-considering my use of these platforms after a ‘digital detox’, and how this led me to investigate the addictive methods that keep us hooked.

(Photo taken by Charles Shepherd and edited by myself)

1st October 2019, midday

After giving up social media for the month of September, I remembered that I could log back into my social media accounts. The challenge was over. I had succeeded… or had I?

I re-downloaded the facebook and instagram apps, saw 50+ notifications (mostly of random things that I didn’t need to know), and I started scrolling. I spent about 5–10 minutes catching up and then I put my phone down. I felt awful.

Getting back online felt like the dam of being ‘offline’, which had been blocking negative waters, had broken — a flood of the negativity that I had experienced from being on social media came back, and it came back fast. I realized I needed to get away from it all so I went to the gym and sweated out those feelings.

On my post-gym dazed walk home, I realized that taking a 30 day social media detox is really just an arbitrary amount of time offline. In that time I had seen great changes but I hadn’t considered how I should change my use of these apps and how I should shift my attitude towards them, if I was to prevent myself from slipping back into old habits.

Turns out that’s the important part of this whole process.

I had refreshed my life by being offline but now it was time to work out how I could keep the benefits, whilst being online.

And what better way to combat social media negativity than to understand why it is so key to modern day life now… and how it’s so addictive?

*Just a quick note that part of my job involves limited social media use. Over my 30 days off social media I had no access to my own social media accounts. I ensured minimal contact with the accounts that I was using*

What’s the root of the social media problem?

The social media ‘addiction’

Do you think you could take a month off social media? How about a week? Or simply one full day, from dawn ‘till dusk?

In answer to these kinds of questions a reply might run along the lines, “ Of course I can, I just don’t want to.” And Jason Zook suggests that “that’s the same answer for alcohol, smoking [when people are addicted]”

On average we spend over 3 hours on our phones each day. A good proportion of that time is likely spent on social media.

Social media is designed incredibly well. It plays to several human instincts (and weaknesses).

We’re tribal animals — we do as others do and we like to be connected. We want to feel heard, and we enjoy being surrounded by others who like and share our views (quite literally).

“Humans are social animals constantly looking for reinforcement signals or signals that we belong” ~ Jay Van Bavel (professor at NYU)

Social media sites mediate this tribal instinct into the online world. They connect us to everyone we know (who’s also online). We can see the activity of others and we have the the opportunity to quickly engage with content that we enjoy and believe in by sprinkling out ‘likes’. We can contact friends, be invited to events and receive notifications of friends’ birthdays (so we don’t have to remember them ourselves).

But it’s also pretty addictive.

How do they make it so addictive? Continuous scrolling, personalised feeds, bright colours and plenty of notifications (to keep you picking up that phone… or stop you putting it down). These methods are similar to those used by one of the most addictive casino games; the slot machine.

Whilst social media is not (yet) listed as an addiction, in extreme cases it can affect peoples lives pretty badly. And you can even employ a specialised social media therapist to help out.

Studies have demonstrated that people are happier when they take a break from social media. The University of Copenhagen measured the wellbeing of people before and after a 1 week break from Facebook. The results showed that the break had an overwhelmingly positive impact on their participants; showing signs of greater life satisfaction and more positive emotions, when they took just one week off the platform. Similar results were found in a study at the University of Pennsylvania, where limiting social media use showed decreased loneliness and depression when compared with participants who used these platforms as they normally did.

I think it’s most interesting that the CEO’s and creative brains behind these giant tech and social media companies are incredibly mindful about limiting technology in their house. “They don’t trust… their kids to be able to resist the charms of the very products they’re promoting”.

No need to keep up with the Jones’, the Kardashians are the new age

Successful companies sell lots of products because they market to our problems or insecurities. They tell us that we ‘need’ a particular product to keep up to date and to not get left behind.

Social media taps into this and by using it we start to feel that ‘need’ to keep up with our friends, and other people that we follow. However, social media is a highlight reel, so we actually feel the need to keep up with an unrealistic version of life. And no-one can win that game.

When I started re-considering my use of social media, I did question this feeling of need.

When I was online, I felt like I needed to know what everyone was up to. I felt like I needed to post about what I am up to. I felt like I needed to see all the posts in my feed so I didn’t miss out on anything. I needed the likes. I needed the comments.

When I was offline some of these needs (especially the FOMO of missing out on my friends’ activities) were the things that made me want to just cheekily pop online.

I also noticed that I wasn’t the only one with this need. One of my friends commented on the fact that they hadn’t received a like on their posts from myself and another of our mutual friends.

We not only feel a need for attention on social media but we also place an ‘expectation’ on those around us to reciprocate. We expect certain friends to interact with our post. Each like and comment sends a little dopamine boost to our brain and we want more. I am totally guilty of this.

“It could be an inconvenience to your peers for you to not be on facebook” ~ Matt Yglesias (Senior correspondent at Vox)

Not only will they have one less like or comment but they can’t invite you to events or tag you in a funny video without going out of their way to text/whatsapp/email you when you go offline.

It can also inconvenience your own life. When I took a couple weeks off social media over the Christmas period last year I suffered the inconvenience of being offline — I almost missed out on a social meet-up because I wasn’t on facebook or messenger. This is one reason it can be hard to decide to take time offline.

Nowadays, it’s unusual to come across someone who isn’t on facebook or instagram. Almost everyone succumbs to making an account in the end.

I remember being at university (back in 2014/15) and overhearing a guy saying that, “you need to get at least 30 likes on your facebook profile picture”, otherwise (and I paraphrase here) ‘it’s just embarrassing’ (it was something along those lines).

My first thought? That’s stupid. But you know what, I’ve aimed to get at least 30 likes on every profile picture that I have posted since — once I reached 30 likes I could ‘relax’ a little, believing that I wasn’t ‘irrelevant’.

I feel sad now when I think about that. Especially because I know I’m not alone in placing an absurd amount of significance on others reactions to what I post.

The popularity contest for engagement from our friends and followers is the new way that we keep up with the Jones’… but really we’re trying to keep up with the Kardashians (the Jones’ have been around a while but I’m sure the Kardashian would one-up them in the social media world).

The number of likes and comments that we receive on a post is at the mercy of others — we have no control over that.

However, we do have some control over how we perceive social media engagement (so that it doesn’t dictate our emotions) and how much we use these sites.