Should I Feel Bad for Being So Happy in 2020?
By: Leona Brits
Tags: Empowerment, Life, Self, Happiness, Personal Development

Should I Feel Bad for Being So Happy in 2020?

Photo by Hean Prinsloo on Unsplash

I’m not one to overthink my emotions. I feel how I feel and I’m good with it.

I embrace joy the same way I embrace sadness: with acceptance and openhearted, ready to learn the lessons each situation offers me.

But feeling happy during a worldwide pandemic where everybody lost something or someone, makes me question my level of selfishness.

Two of my close friends lost their jobs because of the pandemic. Browsing on my social media, I read about those who lost their loved ones to COVID-19; others who are financially struggling; and so many who have their mental health debilitating, day by day.

And here I am, feeling I’m having one of the best years of my life. Should I feel bad about it?

My answer is no. I wouldn’t be fair to myself for not enjoying the good things this year gave me — even if for many people, it was a disgraceful year.

I’m respectful about other’s pain. I emphasise and offer my time and ear for my loved ones to vent about their lives.

Apart from the two months, when I suffered from terrible pain because of a trapped nerve on my spine, and a few flares of my chronic pain, I had a spectacular year.

But all the good things that happened to me didn’t fall from the sky! I made them happen.

I had three life-changing events happening in 2020: one in my love life, other in my professional career, and another one in my household situation.

Let’s start by the end:

I’m happy living in a tiny (really tiny) studio

Living in England is expensive. The rents are incredibly high, so living on my own — with my beloved rescued dog — it’s hard.

In 2019, feeling exhausted from working so many hours, spending weeks without a day off, I decided to let go of my flat and move to a shared house.

I rented a room in a great house, shared with my landlord. He was nice and never gave me any problems or raised any concerns about my dog (he also had one). But it wasn’t my space.

I terribly missed having my own house; to have full privacy and not having to talk to someone if I didn’t feel like it (which is often).

This year, during the pandemic, I took the risk and rent a studio for me and my dog. I have a part-time work contract, so my income is low. But I had saved some money and my new account on Medium was doing well — it was a calculated risk.

With my two part-time jobs, I rent a small studio. I got my freedom back!

Some people can say they wouldn’t manage living in such a small place like mine. I understand it.

My flat is merely a room, with a bathroom in one end and the “kitchen” on the other. I have space for a daybed, my writing chair, a clothes rack, and a chest of drawers, that’s also a TV stand.

I live in a very humble flat. Looking back to my life, I’ve downgraded a lot my lifestyle. But my life is now, not back then. I’m grateful I have a warm and safe place to live.

The pandemic was the push I needed to invest in my freelance career

I’ve been writing for years. I started with fiction and two-and-a-half years ago I signed up to Medium.

I never made much money from my writing, but I always felt I could. I’m aware of my writing skills and I trust my abilities to make it work as a part-time job.

When I decided to move out from the shared house, I created a new account on Medium — a niche one — and it was a success since week one. My earnings are always on three digits, and I’m working on bringing them to four (a resolution for 2021.)

Also, because there’s the old saying “don’t put your eggs all in the same basket”, having the time and the determination, I launched my freelancing career.

I bought a domain, and I created my website to use it as a portfolio. Yesterday, I sent my first pitch. And I sent it to one of the biggest magazines in the country. I’m immensely proud of myself!

I will have many “thank you, but no”, but eventually I will have a yes. And then another one, and another one. That’s the freelance life. I’m ready for it.

I found love again

After a dating drought of ten months, at the beginning of the year, I went back to the dating setting. I signed up for a dating app and I tried my luck.

The Universe was kind to me, and a few weeks after I signed up, I start talking with a guy that made me feel he had potential.

I’m very picky and unlike many users of dating apps, I only go out on a date if I feel a vibe with the man, if I trust we are “a match”.

When I started talking with my now-boyfriend, I felt something. We have a lot in common. We share sarcasm and dark humour; we like to do the same things, and we live life in a very similar way.

We will celebrate our seven-month as a couple next week and I’m immensely happy with him.