Lessons From A 20 Years Old Stoic — Part I
By: The Essentialist
Tags: Life, Stoicism, Self Improvement, Philosophy, Lessons Learned

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Turned 20. And fortunately, I found the balance to understand what are the lessons that must be valued throughout this life and how being rigid with your beliefs might end up as a limit to your growth.

My encounter with Stoicism was two months ago and since then, I have been constantly working to adapt its virtues namely Courage, Wisdom, Temperance and Justice in my daily life. But even before being a Stoic, I was a constant learner. Here are the 20 lessons I learnt as I turned 20 today. And remember, each of these lessons came at a price. And that is the reason they are Valuable.

1. Either it is in your control, or not.

As simple as that, either the situation you are currently in is in your control, or it is completely out of. There are situations where the control is up to a certain extent, but the fundamental principle does not change. Monk and Spiritual Mentor Gaur Gopal Das rightly said in his book ‘Life’s Amazing Secret’ :

“If it is in your Control, change it, Why Worry? If it is outside your control, You can’t do anything. So Why Worry?”

2. You always have a choice

Your present situation is a great subset of all the decisions you took, all the choices you made. From as small a decision as Saying ‘No’ to your friends to as big as saying ‘Yes’ to responsibilities, you always have a choice. And some choices are the result of the habits you inculcated throughout the period. There are some Choices you make Consciously, and some that are the result of these habits. I would like to quote this dialogue from Game of Thrones.

“Even Slaves have a Choice, Death, or Slavery”

3. Discipline is Freedom

I have always had this wrong idea that being disciplined is the death of Freedom. How can you feel liberated, when you are compelled to follow rules? And Rules are meant to be broken right? But Discipline is something that gives freedom, in the true sense. See, freedom is not about having everything or being able to do everything, it is to feel free and have control over whatever you have. From Hitler to Politicians, we have enough evidence to learn how the wrong idea of freedom gives birth to the inability to control the power we have.

“Discipline offers the best freedom, only if you want the real one.”

4. Death is the only truth

Death is inevitable, uncomfortable and these two things are common in everything which is true. We all are constantly trying to avoid this truth, we are afraid of it. But In reality, Death is peaceful, and it is the life that causes pain. The Acceptance that you can die at any moment and make a decision based on the idea that this is the last day of your life makes us more conscious about it. That consequently makes you grateful, for what you have right now and put a hold on the perpetual oscillations between past and future.

“It is not death that is painful, it is the fear of death which makes it painful. “

5. It’s the small things that make big differences

To achieve big, you have to think big, take big decisions and bring big changes. This is the 15-year-old me when I first thought about how can I achieve what I envision. But the reality is exactly the opposite. And this lie often ends up being the reason why most people quit and choose to give up between the process because they think their idea of ‘big’ is not big enough. The truth is, it is the small and constant changes that add up to make it big, a compound effect.

“‘Nothing is Impossible’ is true as long as you realise that Nothing big comes without breaking it down into small.”

6. Rigidity with beliefs kills Evolution

Having Confidence is good, but being rigid that what you know is the only truth is wrong. There are universal truths of the character called Virtues and they are different from beliefs. They are universal and remain the same as you evolve. Beliefs, on the other hand, are made up of the experiences that you have with the perception that you carry, and both things change with time. Allow yourself to make mistakes and remain flexible with your learnings. Evolution is a by-product of constant failures. Rigidity on the other hand hinders that chance of committing those failures.

“One should be rigid with their Virtues, and soft with other people’s beliefs.”

7. Your mind is not your Identity

You are not what you think, you are what you give importance to, what you practice. The human mind has the potential to think of every possibility. And consequently, if you allow, it can cross the thin line of entering into the Overthinking mode. Even the best of human beings indeed think the worst sometimes, but they have the ability to say no to it, remain conscious when they do so and give importance to the right things. We are so unsure of our identity that we constantly look for creating new ones, forgetting it in the very process.

“Take your body, your mind and your emotion away, what’s left is you.”

8. Action speaks louder than words

Knowing is not enough, taking actions, making a start, is more important than whatever you say in between. Human beings love instant gratification and we often use words for Validation, to define our goals. But words are not enough. It should be an action that should define your goals, that should be the validation of your progress, not just mere words. Because it is your actions that carry the potential to change your life. If words could do that, all of us would be at the same place, above the clouds.

Words are important, but their amplitude is always lower than Action.

9. Silence is an answer

Practising Silence for 24 hours, I realised that Silence is not just the absence of words, it is the presence of something more meaningful, more beautiful, more worthy. Silence is the essential space between your words, and that is why they are valuable. Silence itself carries an answer, an expression, a message. And the more we use words to define ourselves, the less valuable they become. A balance of Silence and Words is necessary to make your words, your work.

“Silence makes the words more Valuable. It is the answer, not the absence of it .”

10. Pain is Truth, not the other way around

Nah! It is not the truth that is painful. Truth is straight, simple and boring. And nothing of this characteristic ever became painful. You feel that way because you live in a house with a foundation based on some lies and the encounter with truth is terrifying and uncomfortable since you might end up having no house at all. Why not have a shelter-based on a lie instead of having nothing out of truth, right? No. Truth is among the most important virtue. And that choice makes all the difference.

Pain on the other hand is Inevitable and makes you realize the reality. You can literally call it a synonym of Life. It is uncomfortable, it hurts, it constantly knocks your door. That’s what makes it True.