Life is an Ocean
By: Michael Earl
Tags: Suicide, Hope, Life

Imagine you are standing on the edge of a cliff. You are only a foot away from it and you begin to look around. You to your left and to your right and you see a line of people that looks limitless. Their faces are blurred to the point of unrecognizable, and their voices are muffled, like their talking through a radio with static interference. But their posture and demeanor are the same as yours and you recognize it immediately: tired and defeated. You can tell they are struggling, fighting against all the pain and suffering that they have had to endure. The woman on your left could have lost her child, the man on your right could have just lost his job, the little kid farther down the line could have just been bullied. You don’t them, but you do. Because you all share the same loneliness and despair that scars the very depths of your soul. You can make out the anguish on their faces and feel connected with them in a way you’ve never had before. They are the people who have been brought to the edge. This edge. The one you are standing on right now. You see they are with you, that they are contemplating as you are. But you can not reach them. Because your face is as blurred and your is as muffled as theirs. You cannot speak to them and you cannot truly see them. They can’t offer comforting words or understanding faces. All you have is the knowledge that they exist. That there are people who feel as lonely and sad as you do, but they always feel beyond your reach. It is at that point you feel completely and utterly alone.

Now you begin to look behind you and see nothing. Not nothing as in there is very little to see like a vast plain stretching as far as the edge you are on without any obstructions. This nothing is much more hollow, empty to the point of smoothness. White as a snowstorm, blinding to the eye at first and then projects a fading glow after a short while. As you continue to gaze into it you feel trying to pull you. Stretching out its hand trying to guide you in like a parent holding a child’s hand, helping them across the street. You see that some of the other people on the edge with you staring at the nothing and feel its allure. You see some have stepped into it, letting it surround them and become consumed by that vast white glow. You then realize what the nothing is: it is Death. The great void that devours all that seek to touch it. The veil that separates the living from joining the dead. Behind that veil is unknown to you. Could it be heaven, hell, or could it be that this is not a veil but a fog that is as infinite as the edge you are standing on? You are unsure what lies beyond, but what is known is that it draws you in. It makes you lofty promises that feel so tempting that it feels seductive. An end of misery and suffering. An end to pain and sadness. An ending to the torture and terror that is life. But it is also an end to happiness and joy. An end to love and beauty. An ending that will snuff out any chance of salvation. All that will be left is what all that remains looking at the pure white vastness that is Death: nothing.

Now you look to what is right in front of you and you almost recoil by the stark change after gazing into Death. You see a great ocean, roaring with life. The waves constantly shifting and crashing into each other, reaching as tall as a 10-story building only to fall as short as a young puppy. Whereas looking at Death you saw emptiness, this ocean feels full and rich. It is then you realize what this ocean was: Life. Filled with highs and lows. Consumed with the joys and pain that life has to offer. And underneath those waves are boundless possibilities, bouncing off each other in an endless torrent. Their exhilarating, chaotic, terrifying, and free. And as you look again to the people next to you, you see people diving in. They seem sure and proud, willing to take the leap and explore this deep ocean and all it has to offer. They know that they could end up hurt again. They know they can feel even more pain then they already experienced. That the pain can be so excruciating that it will send them back to where they came, back to the lonely, suffocating edge. But they jump anyway, willing to take that chance. Because more than anything they want to experience what it like to be alive. To feel love, hope, pain, and suffering. To find all the possibilities swirling about and enjoy them to the fullest. To ride the waves and experience the chaotic waters that is Life. With Death there is only one possibility, to feel nothing. With Life there is only one possibility, to feel everything.