Do This One Thing to Make Sure You Wake Up a Better Person Every Day
By: Cara Lam
Tags: Self Improvement, Positive Thinking, New Years Resolutions, New Year New Me, Friendship

As we inch closer to the time of the year where we take out a piece of paper (or Notes on your phone, or… a social media post) and jot down our New Year’s resolutions, I want to share a small habit of mine that has significantly transformed my life — and I actively do it every single day.

Good habits don’t always have to be formed in January; you can start making changes any time of the year, at any given point in your life. I may only have 26 years of life experience under my belt, but from living in four different countries and meeting people from all walks of life, I figured out a golden rule to adding depth to your life.

And the golden rule is…

Surround yourself with people you want to become.

I repeat:

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE YOU WANT TO BECOME.

Apologies for yelling, but I cannot stress how important this is in making sure you’re actively adding value to your life. Life’s short — you should be working towards the best version of yourself and not be staying stagnant. Ugh, even typing the word “stagnant” grosses me out.

Let me explain.

I’m not telling you to surround yourself with all the rich and famous people. Hell yeah I dream about owning 12 cars and living in one of those mansions from Selling Sunset all the time, but being “rich and famous” says nothing about your virtue.

My all-time favorite show :P

I’m sure we all know some “rich and famous” people whose character is complete trash and also some “not so rich and famous” people who deserve a Nobel Prize. Let’s get to the point.

People you need to avoid at all costs

Many years ago, I learned that friendship is a choice. You don’t and shouldn’t have the time and energy to entertain every single person that comes into your life. Life’s too short for you to drown in toxicity. With that said, I’m going to list out some traits of “toxic people” that will not only not add value to your life, but make you a lesser person:

If possible, avoid people who are:

Lazy (e.g. people who don’t work towards their goals, if there’s any at all)

Arrogant (e.g. people who think they’re the shit because they’re rich)

Narcissistic (e.g. people who blame others for their own faults)

Dishonest (e.g. people who lie for their own interests)

Disrespectful (e.g. people who are rude to waiters)

Cynical (e.g. people who never say anything good about, well, anything)

Selfish (e.g. people who only care about their own needs)

Manipulative (e.g. people who guilt-trip you for feeling what you feel)

Ungrateful (e.g. people who never say “thank you”)

Whiny (e.g. people who complain about the smallest things 24/7)

Violent (e.g. people who resort to force over reasoning)

And it’s easy to identify these people. If you find yourself wanting to exit the conversation halfway through, or frowning and asking “what the?!” in your head when they try to justify their faults, you know never to get close to them again.

Yeppp

Of course, sometimes it’s impossible for us to “ghost” the bad apples we meet in our workplaces, schools, interest groups, etc., but the key is to keep a distance from them. Be friendly and nothing more.

I’m sure you can think of many more negative personality traits that we all should avoid, but let’s shift our gears and focus on who we should keep in our lives instead.

People you need to have in your life

As I said before, friendship is a choice, so choose to hang out with the right people. At the end of the day, there’s a reason why your parents tell you not to hang out with the “bad” kid from school.

Help yourself become a better person today by knowing how to identify good people. And when you meet someone like that, don’t let them go.

When I look around my friends, I see a trend. They’re mostly people that are:

Hardworking (e.g. they spend their free time learning a new skill)

Ambitious (e.g. always striving to advance in their careers)

Optimistic (e.g. they see the silver lining of every cloud)

Curious (e.g. always interested to learn about new cultures)

Motivated (e.g. no one has to tell them to work harder)

Supportive (e.g. they cheer you on when you’re about to give up)

Respectful (e.g. especially good to their parents)

Grateful (e.g. they count what they have, not what they don’t)

Empathetic (e.g. because other people’s emotions matter, too)

Adventurous (e.g. always down to go out and do things)

Honest (e.g. we all suck at lying…)

Proactive (e.g. classic go-getters)

Humble (e.g. never bragging about their achievements)

Responsible (e.g. being accountable for their mistakes)

Confident (e.g. they know their worth)

Resilient (e.g. they have the strength to bounce back despite adversity)

Retrospective (e.g. they reflect on their past and try not to make the same mistakes)

Wholesome (e.g. you need an example of this???)

Yes, my friends are wholesome. 🥰

Honestly, you just know it when you’re around good people. They give off a vibe so charming that makes you want to spend more time with them.

If you’re able to leave a conversation with someone thinking that you’ve learned something new, that person is a keeper.

But choosing your friends isn’t necessarily easy

I can’t give enough examples of times I was stuck between feeling obligated to stay ‘“friends” with someone and leaving them for my own good.

I always choose the latter, but every time I do, the people that I left (they’re mostly a tight-knit group) would end up thinking I’m a traitor — or I left because I had “better” friends than them.

Literally.

Well, they’re not entirely wrong. For example, when I move to a new country, I want to learn the local language and hang out with locals because that’s what I came to do. Why would I hang out with a bunch of people that are from the same background as me, don’t try to learn the new language, and are reluctant to immerse in the new culture?

I’m not saying that the new friends I make are necessarily “better” people, but people that choose to be stagnant are definitely not the ones I want to associate myself with. Sometimes, I’d rather be on my own than to have friends that don’t add value to my life (call me picky and stubborn all you want…).

Remember: birds of the same feather flock together. Define yourself by having the right people around you.

And you won’t regret it

Bidding farewell to mediocre people in your life may sting a little at first, but that’s nothing compared to all the rewards you’ll reap when you finally surround yourself with people that are worthwhile — people that’ll make you feel more complete every day.

Imagine all the beautiful places you’ll see, new experiences you’ll try, big ideas you’ll develop, deep conversations you’ll engage in, and most importantly — the mighty heights you’ll reach.

Good people feed off on each other’s energy and give each other the inspiration to be better every single moment.

Ever wonder why that one successful friend is always surrounded by other successful people? That’s because they don’t waste their time and energy on people that aren’t worthwhile.

And the good news is, we can all be that successful friend if we keep the right people in our lives. Reassess the friendships you have now and make the right changes to become the person you want to become.

Trust me, I’ve done just that and love life all the more because there’s simply too much I can learn from the people around me.

Big shoutout to all my family and friends that continue to be my inspiration every day. I’m truly blessed.