What Makes Holiday Seasons So Special?
Tags: Kindness, Christmas, Ritual, Holiday Season, Gratitude

A holiday is an opportunity to journey within. Prabhas

This year with the pandemic, we are all experiencing something that we’ve never experienced before and that unfamiliar feeling alone is enough to make us feel uncomfortable.

As the most wonderful time of the year arrived/is close at hand, we are facing the threat of losing experiences, routines, and hopes with the social isolations, lockdowns, and unexpected restrictions as days pass. However, we need to remind ourselves that it’s still the most wonderful time of the year no matter the circumstances.

Have you ever thought, what makes the holiday seasons so special?

Rituals

Rituals are important for human beings as they provide meaning and connection in our lives. There are currently lots of things that are out of our control nowadays, as we cannot predict the future. Thus the uncertainty causes us to experience anxiety because our brain is wired to make predictions about the world and the future.

Rituals are repetitive, rigid, in order, and familiar. That’s what we need especially in the times of uncertainty as rituals help us to feel a sense of control which will lead to a decrease in anxiety levels.

As Stan Jacobs once said;

The quality of your life is in direct relationship to the quality of your habits and rituals.

So, Christmas is perhaps one of those significant rituals for many of us yet, the way we celebrate might require some modifications this year and that is okay.

Create your own rituals this year, any ritual that you may enjoy. Even the simplest ones might have a positive impact on your wellbeing. Morning & dinner rituals, meditation, journaling, giving gifts, reading by candlelight, you name it.

Jessica Chivers says, “The “right” ritual is one you’ll want to do over and over.”

Social Connections

Did you know that when we’re rejected or experience any other social pain, our brains ‘hurt’ in the same way they do when we feel physical pain.

If there is one common pattern that we experience during holiday seasons is that the experience of feeling connected to others by gathering together, phoning and giving gifts to each other, playing games, and sharing memories and much more.

A growing body of research shows that the social connection is one of our basic needs as water, food, and shelter. If there is any threat against that need, there will be no doubt that it’ll have considerable impact on our health; emotionally, mentally, and also physically.

Numerous research show that building a strong network of family and friends lowers mortality risk by about 45 percent. According to the findings, the impact of social relationships on mortality is comparable with well-established risk factors such as smoking and alcohol consumption.

UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman says;

Being socially connected is our brain’s lifelong passion.

Social relationships have been the one that has been affected the most due to pandemic.

So what are the coping mechanisms that we can apply during these hard times?

Do not be afraid to accept how you feel. We are now living in a world that is constantly trying to convince us that we should be feeling happy all the time. If we are not, then there is something wrong with us. Good vibes only” right? No, that’s actually not the case. I’d encourage you to think, if there are no negative feelings and emotions, would positive ones be valuable?

Make it special, but different! All of us are experiencing messed up routines and this is bothering us. But there is an opportunity in everything. No matter the circumstances, you can turn it to an advantage and yet still make it special. Are you going to be alone this Christmas? Choose your favourite meal and cook it from scratch with your favourite playlist in the background. You know yourself better, choose something that will make you enjoy your own company and take the day for yourself.

Make a plan about how you can keep the lines of communication open with the loved ones and people around you. Taking a walk, having video calls with your family and friends, buying gifts and sending them to your loved ones, sending handwritten postcards, contacting with a friend you haven’t talked for so long. The list goes on and on if you want to have a look at your current situation from a different perspective.

The Act of Giving

I’d like to share a personal story here. I always loved to brainstorm about present ideas, buying, preparing, creating, every detail of it since I was a child. I’ve always been a giving person. However, as time passed by, I started feeling like a fool who is being taken advantage of, because I never got anything back in return. Sometimes, I could not help asking to myself; Why am I doing this?

The thing is I’ve tried to stop doing it but I could not succeed as it’s my personality strength. Also, I’ve realised during that time that I tried to stop giving, I was expecting that it’d make me feel better but it actually made me feel worse. Because I was enjoying the act of giving no matter what.

So my point is, the act of giving itself makes you feel good and enhances your wellbeing. It is better to give than to receive.

Petra Nemcova who is the founder of Happy Hearts Fund said;

By giving, you can heal faster emotionally, but also physically. There’s a selfish element in it, really. When we make someone happy, we become even happier. If you decide yourself that you will help in some way, you will benefit the most because it will create amazing joy. Those who are not doing anything are missing out on a very profound joy.

Today, research provides convincing data to support the importance of giving for our wellbeing and that giving is a powerful way to overcome difficulties, and finding fulfilment in life.

Focus on ‘what you can give to others’, it’s a proven way to feel both better about yourself and more connected to others.

If you received a gift from someone, share your feelings with that person and perhaps make that person feel special by sharing how you’ll be using that gift, you can also send photos to let that person know that you’re enjoying the present. Gift receivers have the potential to make the giver feel good.

Do not focus on giving something materialistic, it can be anything. It can even be a thank you note, or phoning your fiend to tell how grateful you feel to have them in your life.

Kindness

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” Desmond Tutu

There is no doubt that 2020 has been a tough and challenging year for all of us. However, this year also thought us many things that we have seen what we are made of — love, compassion, tenacity, generosity, and kindness.

We have witnessed neighbours helping neighbours, families reconnecting, strangers sharing and individuals giving more of themselves than ever before.

Research show that people who consistently engage in acts of kindness have 23 percent less stress hormone — cortisol -, age slower, experience decrease in depression and decrease in pain due to production of endorphins which is brain’s natural painkiller.

Another study that has been conducted with a group of highly anxious individuals reported that performing acts of kindness resulted in increased positive mood, relationship satisfaction, and decrease in social avoidance in socially anxious individuals.

There is even a word called ‘helper’s high’ which represents the uplifting feeling after engaging in any act of kindness or a good deed when our brain’s reward and pleasure centre lights up. Holiday seasons are great for practicing more of kindness.

Choose kindness, even in the most challenging times.

A Chance For Being Grateful

Have you ever wondered why criticisms have greater impact than compliments? Or have you ever found yourself ruminating about that one stressful event that you experienced in a day?

You’re probably thinking that you’re a pessimist, however that’s not the case.

There is a reason for this tendency that noticing and dwelling on negative events more than the positive ones, and that’s called negativity bias. That’s the reason why negative events have a greater effect on us than the positive ones and it’s one way the brain tries to keep us safe.

Additionally, studies have shown that we have a tendency to perceive negative news more truthful. That poses a risk for our mental health especially these days by being exposed to constant negative exposure of news.

That does not mean, we are doomed to live this way though. It’s possible to train ourselves to be able to focus more on the positives. Being grateful is one way of practicing it.

Gratitude makes us a better person. It makes us more trusting, more social, more appreciative and as a result, it helps us to make new friends — yes, even during the pandemic-, deepen our existing relationships and even improve our marriage. Since we are struggling regarding social connections and some of us are struggling in their marriage as well, it might be a good idea to make gratitude as an important part of your life.

Yes, this has been a difficult year in so many ways. But, it was a year of growth, resilience and new connections. It was a time to be deeply grateful and reflective.

Perhaps these hard times have provided us the opportunity to savour the moments more, be more in present, be grateful for what we have, be grateful for our and loved ones’ health and many more.

So what you can do is to take time to practice gratitude more.

Even if you’ll not be able to celebrate this Christmas with your loved ones, be grateful to have them, as not everyone has a family to celebrate special occasions.

Practice gratitude for being able to have an access to healthy food.

I’m sure you’ll find numerous things that you’re grateful for if you want to focus your attention and reflect consistently.

Try to write them down every day as writing makes our mind more efficient and enables a higher level of thinking.

And remember we attract the life we are grateful for.

Lastly, I’d like to end this article with a quote from Marta Zaraska’s book called Growing Young;