Can You Stay In Love When You Are Depressed?
By: Logan Beddes
Tags: Mental Health, Love, Depression, Dating, Relationships

Can You Stay In Love When You Are Depressed?

5 Ways to Prevent Emotional Numbness From Taking Your Relationship Away From You

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Depression makes maintaining your relationships nearly impossible. It is hard to feel connected to your loved ones, and it is equally as hard to find the energy to do things to show that you still love them.

In my past relationships, depression has been the cause of a lot of anxiety and strain. As I look back on them, I realize that much of the stress came from both sides.

The truth is, depression is hard, and it is also hard to be around — especially in an intimate relationship. When you are interdependent, it can be hard for both parties if one succumbs to the emotional numbness that is often associated with depression.

As the general population becomes more focused on love this time of year, it is important to consider how to stay connected with your loved ones when you’re struggling with depression or any other mental health issues. If you feel detached from your companion, read on to learn how you can reconnect.

To answer your question, you can stay in love when you’re depressed, and they can stay in love with you too.

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1. Be Open About Your Feelings

Talking about your depression and the emotional numbness that is associated with it can be hard to do with your significant other — especially if you’re already in the thick of it. Even still, it is an important conversation to have. They deserve to know what is going on and what they can do to help.

When you have this conversation, there are a few things that you’ll want to remember. First, be honest about your feelings. That doesn’t mean be brutally honest, but do let them know how you feel.

Second, don’t assume that they already know what’s going on in your head. Generally, when I’ve talked to my loved ones about feeling detached, they had no idea until I told them.

Third, being open about your feelings will show them that you still want them in your life. Your detachment can make them feel like you don’t want them around anymore, so being open about why you’ve been detached will help strengthen your relationship.

If you haven’t talked to them about your depression, I would highly recommend that you answer these two questions for them:

What does depression look like for you?

What can they do to help you when they recognize these symptoms?

These questions came directly from my girlfriend the first time I brought up that I had depression. Since this conversation, I’ve felt much more comfortable being open with her whenever I felt detached or low-energy.

This conversation is worth the stress. Your partner will be grateful to know what to look for and what they can do to help you through it.

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2. Don’t Jump to Conclusions

Two years ago, I went through the biggest round of depression I’ve ever experienced. It was my second semester of college, and I convinced myself that I needed to work full time while I went to school full time to pay for tuition (I was paying for everything myself and didn’t want to take out a loan).

Also at this time, I started dating one of my high school friends. I’ve known her for ten years at this point, and we were doing long-distance — which put even more stress on me because I didn’t have a car.

In the thick of depression, I felt completely detached from everyone, but especially from my girlfriend at the time. Because she lived a few hours away, I only saw her once a week. The rest of that week was spent wondering why I was even with her.

I decided after a few weeks that I needed to end it because I just wasn’t “feeling it.”

Unfortunately, I’ve also done the reverse of this — jumping into a relationship because I felt the beginnings of depression.

Moral of the story — don’t jump to conclusions when you make significant decisions regarding your relationship. Just because you don’t feel anything now does not mean that you aren’t invested in your relationship anymore.

As a rule of thumb, I wouldn’t make a big decision until you sleep on it. Make sure that you eat, rest, and exercise. If you still feel the same, maybe it is time to end things, but it also might just be your depression.

For more information on how to gauge whether your relationship is healthy, I’ll attach an article below that will help.

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3. Make Small Investments

One problem with maintaining your relationship amid depression is the fact that you have no energy. It’s hard to be there for your companion like you used to, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have options.

Whether you face depression or not, it is important to understand that relationships are never stagnant. Just like our personal growth, we are always moving in one direction or another. If you don’t feel like you’re moving forward, you’re most likely sliding backwards.

Every day, you are moving one way or another. Generally, you need some action to keep forward momentum.

In general, here are some ideas you can use to change or increase your momentum:

Make a short note and leave it somewhere your significant other will find it.

Go on at least one date a week. They don’t have to be high energy but be sure that you make time to spend with them.

Go for a drive with them and just talk.

Send them flowers.

Order food and eat together at home.

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4. Plan Activities to Look Forward to Doing Together

Planning can be hard when you’re in survival mode. It can be burdensome to find activities and coordinate schedules, but having things to look forward to will help you feel connected and improve your mental state.

Because you likely don’t have a lot of energy, don’t feel like these have to be big activities — and don’t feel like you have to plan them by yourself. Involve your partner in the planning, and make sure that it is something that both of you enjoy doing.

This advice has applied to all of my close relationships when I’m in the midst of depression. Because I’m a planner, having something to look forward to helps me regain a sense of control.

Here are some ideas that I’ve used previously:

Go to a new restaurant together.

Try a new dessert place.

Set up a picnic at a nearby park with take-out food.

Go for a walk around a nice part of town.

Go for a nature drive, or city if you don’t live close enough to anything green.

Go on a hike.

Teach each other one of your talents (ukulele, painting, etc.)

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5. Remind Yourself Why You Love Them

When you’re facing depression, it can be easy to forget your feelings of love and connection with your partner. You start noticing things that annoy you more than those things that made you fall in love at the start.

Though it can be hard in the moment, I’ve found that taking a few minutes to reflect on your significant other can be a lifesaver. Get a moment completely to yourself, pull out a notebook, and write about why you love them. Think about the start of your relationship.

What drew you to them in the first place? What was the first thing you noticed about them? Why were you drawn to them?

While I don’t recommend that you live in the past, it’ll help you see the present more clearly.

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Summary

You can stay in love while you fight off your depression. Your partner loves you and wants to help you through this rough patch in your life. We’ve gone over a lot of things that you can do to get through this together, but here is a quick recap:

Be open about your feelings — if you talk about your depression with your partner, they will better know how to give you the support you need.

— if you talk about your depression with your partner, they will better know how to give you the support you need. Don’t jump to conclusions — just because you don’t feel anything now does not mean that it is time to end things.

— just because you don’t feel anything now does not mean that it is time to end things. Make small investments — find ways to show your love that match with your current abilities and energy levels.

— find ways to show your love that match with your current abilities and energy levels. Plan activities to look forward to doing together — keeping fun and excitement in your relationship will help you through your depression.

— keeping fun and excitement in your relationship will help you through your depression. Remind yourself why you love them — remember why you fell in love in the first place, and you’ll be able to evaluate your love for them now.

Above everything else, remember the importance of human connection. Melinda Gates said,

“Deep human connection is… the purpose and the result of a meaningful life — and it will inspire the most amazing acts of love, generosity, and humanity.”

As you apply these principles, you can keep your relationship alive.