If You Think Reddit Is A Terrible Place, The Problem Might Be You
By: Sadie Morghan
Tags: Social Media, Internet, Personal Growth, Culture, Personal Development

If You Think Reddit Is A Terrible Place, The Problem Might Be You

How to curate your feed and binge on happy mind bleach.

Photo by Kon Karampelas on Unsplash

We were hanging out when my friend Sarah gasped at me dramatically, “But how can you spend time on Reddit? That place is so toxic. I feel angry and frustrated whenever I spend 15 minutes on my feed there. Like I need a shower or something.”

“Oh I don’t know,” I said smiling, “I giggle every time I see the startled cats and stuff.” More wine was consumed and when we compared our communities we found what the problem was. Sarah’s feed was full of advice and debate subs. Those are very engaging subs and it’s easy to get lost in other people’s problems. The problem is after a while you feel like your caught in a negative feedback loop. The fact that most of the stuff posted in a sub about Bridezillas is unrelentingly women behaving badly is pretty obvious. What isn’t so obvious is how wading in that negativity affects you. It can affect how you view the world and other people.

That’s when you need some r/EyeBleach.

Large social websites are like digital cities, and the users are the inhabitants. They drive the experience. Like anywhere in the real world each neighborhood has its own flavor, distinct culture and expectations. And while it might be fun to visit some of the seedier districts, living there can be bad for your health. On reddit you pick your neighborhoods by subscribing to a sub. The posts from those subs then populate your feed. Reddit also suggests other subs you might like based on your history. If you spend all your times in subs dedicated to family conflict, it’s going to push you down that rabbit hole of anxiety and people behaving badly. So let’s rebalance your feed and get the good vibes flowing.

Ugh, Family.

Given the number of subs devoted to family problems, it would be easy to say no one’s got a normally functioning family. The JUSTNO type subs are large and filled with tales of hardship. The largest of these are r/JUSTNOMIL (issues with mothers in laws and moms) , with 1.6 million members, r/JustNoSO (issues with your significant other) with 91.3k members, and r/JUSTNOFAMILY (family issues of any sort) with 140K members. The folks in these subs try hard to provide comfort and understanding — r/JUSTNOMIL was one of the places I turned to for support when my ex MIL said “It’s a good thing that baby died” after a miscarriage — but after a while misery doesn’t love company. Misery just breeds more misery.

If you need a break from bad family dynamics, head over to r/MomForAMinute. Their blurb shows the mission statement:

When you need understanding, congratulations, praise, or advice from a mother figure, but don’t have one IRL able or willing to provide that for you — we are here for you. We support you and love you unconditionally!

r/MomForAMinute has 131k members all supporting and loving each other. The sub feels like a warm hug when that’s just what you were missing. People are given what they need. I lurk out there too, helping lift up other people who need it. There’s a sub for folks who need a father figure too — r/DadForAMinute. Expect praise, advice and dad style jokes to keep you on track.

Toasts Not Roasts

Since Comedy Roasts got popular it’s not surprising that 2 million people like to hang out in r/RoastMe, or 90.2K in r/RoastMyCar. A lot of posts can start out really funny…and then devolve into mean spirited rantings. It’s like the edgelords decide to one up each other on some poor soul who didn’t know what to expect. When the posts edge over into mean-spirited, head over to r/ToastMe. It’s the mirror image of r/RoastMe. r/ToastMe only allows genuine and heartfelt compliments so you can see people’s happiness rising and confidence coming back. It’s lovely and supportive, the perfect digital pick me up.

Oh and if you want your coffee roasting instead of people? r/Roast has you covered!

Tired Of Politics As Usual? Me too.

Politics is always a hard subject that causes blood pressure to rise. The biggest political sub is r/politics. This sub has 6.7 million members world wide. Unfortunately that normally means a lot of name calling and speech devolving into a knock out argument instead of a discussion. Posts become an echo chamber of one view and the opposition resorts to negativity to get their frustration across. No one learns or benefits from an environment like this. One of the biggest issues we have in American politics is that no one listens to each other.

When r/politics gets to be too much, try r/AskTrumpSupporters. The sub is much smaller at around 90,500 members. It is centered on politics in the US as the name suggests. The sub is heavily moderated and civility is required. Reddit users there discuss controversial issues daily and discover how and why each other thinks and feels the way they do. When politics comes up we’ve forgotten to communicate with respect and understanding. r/AskTrumpSupporters reminds us of that.

Return Your Judgement Or Revenge Subs For Gifting Ones

Most of us have read stories on r/AmITheAsshole or r/AmITheButtFace. These subs have 2.4 million and 42.8K members respectfully. Have an interpersonal conflict where you’re not sure who’s behaving worst? Go ahead and post it. They’ll tell you YTA (You’re The Asshole) NTA (Not The Asshole), ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) or NAH (No Assholes Here).

There’s also a ton of revenge subs where people talk about how they get back at someone who wronged them. Depending on the level or revenge you can go from r/pettyrevenge to r/prorevenge to r/nuclearrevenge pretty quickly. I prefer hanging out in the subs with people who look for ways to give back instead.

My personal favorite is r/RandomActsOfAmazon. The people are lovely and kind. People will either run contests and giveaways or just randomly gift submembers. The appeal is simple: If I buy a thing from Amazon for say, twenty-five dollars, I get it and I’m happy. If I run a contest with rules that state: “tell me your favorite music memory. I’ll use a random raffler to gift someone a music related item for up to twenty-five dollars from their wishlist.” Well, then, I’m happy because I have the fun of running a contest. The people who enter are happy because they could get something free. And even the lurkers are happy because they get to share in other people’s memories. That same twenty-five dollars just spread a lot of happy. RAOA is also moderated with a gentle hand. They ensure the sub stays a safe, positive and gifting place.

Another great sub I gift in every year is r/SantasLittleHelpers. The sub is devoted to making sure kids get holiday gifts. When I was a child I remember being so sad and depressed, seeing no presents for me. There’s nothing better than helping another person’s child avoid those sorts of memories. If you just want to help people of all ages, r/Assistance is waiting for you. People need everything from encouragement to tampons and the community helps each other get through rough times.

Feed Your Soul — Or Someone Else

Have you ever been truly hungry? I have. I was homeless and remember looking desperately for something to eat. And later, as an enlisted soldier stationed in Hawaii, I remember making the determination that I’d eat a little rice so my toddlers could have enough to satisfy their bellies until payday. When those memories are hard I like to try and give back to people who are where I used to be. (If you are interested in what being homeless taught me, you can read about it here.)

r/Food_Pantry has 34.6k members who are devoted to helping those in need. People post why they need help and have a wishlist. You can ask for food or basic hygiene needs. You are absolutely not allowed to ask for money or gift cards. Remembering those homeless times, I’m gratified to help others in that situation get stuff like soap or shampoo, tampons or toilet paper. These things help someone in what used to be my situation have dignity.

Reddit can be a place full of negativity — but only if you train it to be. Help yourself find some balance and visit a sub devoted to making people feel better. I’ll say hi and ask how your day was and you can relax and chat with people who care. Relax and take your feed to a happy place. We’d love to have you hanging out with us!