The line between a woman’s dress and her morals
Tags: Womens Dresses, Bigotry, Morality, Short Dress, Slut Shaming

I wanted to react to this video when I first saw it trending on Instagram even though sources later said it was scripted. But I needed to take a deep breath, you know put a leash on my emotions so that I can write constructively without unleashing a hateful wrath on the bigotry that pervades my society. But newsflash? My emotions are still all over the place. It is impossible to keep my angst to myself when I see today’s woman launching into public tirades and slut-shaming her own kind even on social media.

We say men are misogynists for their prejudice against women but I have taken a good look and seen that women are worse with their sense of reasoning fettered by morality and culture. I saw comments from women like ‘She asked for it. She is dressed like a slut’ and it cast my mind back to the day a group of women barracked a young lady at Jakande market in Lekki axis of Lagos state.

The lady (walking right in front of me) who was clad in a short backless dress and a low-cut front that revealed the cleavage of massive breasts, had stopped to buy bananas when a vegetable seller (an older woman) looked her way and made a snide comment like “so you left your home dressed like this? have you no shame?” Obviously offended by the call out, the lady replied “how about you mind your vegetables and leave me alone?”

Her comeback aggravated the older lady who then called her a hoe and alerted her fellow market women to the ‘ashawo’ parading the market with her body parts for sale. The women jumped right in, booing and clapping deprecatingly at the babe who was now awashed with shame. I stood there watching as she abandoned the bananas when she saw a crowd gathering. She ran into a clothing store asking for a scarf to cover up. Even I felt the shame.

That night when I sat down to replay the scenario, I was engulfed with anger, disappointment and something else that at this point is undecipherable. She succumbed to shame just like the girl in the video above when she knelt and allowed the pastor say the prayers. And this brings me to my question — why do we link a woman’s appearance to morality? Why are women ashamed and apologetic about dresses that were intended to make her feel attractive?

A good-looking man who dresses in tight shorts and body-hugging tank top like Ozo of the Big Brother Naija reality show is applauded for his taste in fashion. He is often described as well-groomed, dapper, well-kempt and a fashionista. But a woman tries same clothes and she gets derogative descriptions like coquettish, whorish and vain. I am simply tired of all these controls over a woman’s body; of not knowing where to draw the line between physical appearance and morality, of the restraints on what she should and should not wear just so that she can protect men from their sexual drive untrammelled by society.

I recoiled when one of the comments on Twitter for the video above hinted towards rape. It was something in the lines of ‘’when she gets raped, they blame the rapist’’. How is it okay that society empowers men to grow with such depraved thoughts that a woman should think to first protect a man from himself and his sexual demons before she dons any kind of clothe? I am tired of hearing that a woman’s dressing is the reason she was attacked and raped by ‘area boys’, the reason her lecturer is hitting on her and refusing her well-deserved grades or the reason her step-father keeps sneaking into her room when the world is asleep. Just like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie stated in ‘Dear Ijeawele’ there’s nothing more dehumanizing than for a woman to be reduced to mere props used to manage the appetites of men.

This mindset is the reason today’s woman is not freely and fully embracing her femininity. I cannot count the number of times I’ve wanted to dress a certain way and would decide against it after inwardly having an argument with myself. My inner self often paint scenarios like the aforementioned that ends in me choosing a much longer outfit and once more abandoning what was originally my taste. In my wardrobe, I have more clothes that I don’t wear than the ones I do.

Recently my friend went through my stuff and found a short Zara dress and wondered why she’s never seen me in it. I said in my defence, that dresses that short are only suitable for evening parties and I have not gotten an invitation to one of those in a long time. Although at that instant I doubted that I can be audacious enough to heed her advice of wearing the dress to the mall, to a restaurant or to the movies rather than wait for a party invite, but when I decided to write this, I knew that I was done giving a fuck. I have made up my mind to wear that dress and many others in my wardrobe and I hope that you would do the same.

Wear what you want and let every step you take exude power, confidence and pride. Wear it and let the world know that your outfit does not take away your morals, that there is a fine line between both. Wear it because you bought it with hard earned money and if clothes were cars, no matter how small or open they look, you would ride with pride.

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