Learning How to Say Yes
By: Madison Estrella
Tags: Growth Mindset, Personal Growth, Ambition, Self Growth, Self

Learning How to Say Yes

While others needed to learn how to say “no,” I’ve been in the process of learning how to say “yes”.

Oftentimes, the slightest prospect of failure or inadequacy can ignite our innate sense of “fight or flight,” and for many of us, the thought of failure is enough to send us running for the hills.

“No”– This lone word is the caliber of choice and I and many others wield it in the face of even the most remote uncertainties. It’s simply a defense mechanism — a way of avoiding getting hurt long before any harm could possibly happen.

Unfortunately, saying “no” so frequently often comes at the cost of missed opportunities. Being ambivalent about your own skillset and chances of success oftentimes leads to a folder of half-filled-out applications that you’ve abandoned at the last minute. In the moment, you tell yourself that you can do it, that it’s such a great opportunity only until you convince yourself, “I don’t think it’s worth the try. I don’t think I’ll get in.” Then you get left with no job or internship plans, a consequence of all the chances you didn’t take

In saying “no” so often, you begin to create a bubble, a false sense of security. You tell yourself that things are perfectly fine as they are, when in reality, you’re still so scared and perhaps even build up resentment towards yourself for giving up before you’ve tried.

“You shouldn’t count yourself out before they can count you in”– Anonymous

In other words, it’s always worth the try.

When it comes to applications and such, the first person you have to please is yourself, then it’s those around you. You have to give yourself the stamp of approval before you can put yourself out there for everyone else to see. It is only once you take risks that you begin to have the slightest chance in succeeding because if you can’t attest to how amazing you are, who’s going to hire you? Who’s going to accept you if you don’t accept yourself first?

Having an open mind can be very daunting, but it helps us minimize the burden of regret. Looking back, we frequently find ourselves saying, “If only I tried” or “If only I went for it,” and continue to live in that state of perpetual staticness and regret. The only way to avoid such a penalizing sense of regret in the future is to remove the “If only” by actually going for it. At least then, whether you’ve succeeded or failed, you’ll know that you tried and that’s all that really matters.

Taking risks requires us to have the uttermost faith in ourselves and our capabilities, so have a little trust in yourself. But remember, oftentimes we are much more capable than we give ourselves credit for, so let your faith in yourself carry you towards news experiences.

Honestly, the first time you challenge yourself to say “yes” to something that scares you will be the most difficult, but you can always start small. Depending on what fears hold you back, you may find yourself trying to say “yes” to watching a scary movie, applying for your dream job, or ordering food for yourself to conquer your insecurities about your social skills.

When you trying to say “yes” for the first time, it especially helps to have your end goals in mind– What are you trying to get out of this new experience? In realizing how much this one “yes” means to you, you’re likely to become more willing to give it a try. Then, once you become accustomed to those small flutters in your chest from taking risks, you allow yourself to become open to a whirlwind of new possibilities.

“Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.”– Tina Fey

By saying “yes,” you give yourself the opportunity to try and succeed, or try, fail, and then learn. If you begin to think of taking risks this way, you begin to realize that trying is a win-win situation in which you’ll be able to grow and gain experience either way.

So try to reclaim your life by turning those “no’s” into “yes’” one decision at a time. Before you know it, you’ll be looking back at yourself and realizing how much taking chances has helped you grow and hopefully, you’ll become more satisfied with the risk-taker and opportunity-chaser you’ve become.

Are you ready to start saying “yes”?