My MTB mates hate my gravel bike
By: Peter Gold
Tags: Dartmoor, Gravel Bikes, Travel, Bikepacking, Random

My MTB mates hate my gravel bike

I have to assume they are both jealous and in denial because why else would they ask “WTF is a gravel bike anyway?”

So I humour them, and smile, and tell them how awesome it is, how it goes anywhere, never lets me down, makes me smile a lot. And they yawn. And we move onto something else. But it’s a fair question, and one I try to answer to non-cyclists whose eyes quickly glaze over once I start. And that then leaves me wondering too.

What is a gravel bike and what is a gravel bike rider?

And I do think the gravel bike community is very diverse, open to all, adopted by many. Albeit with some nuances depending on your biking heritage.

The roadie gravel biker

I try to avoid these people, way too fast for me. You can spot them in the Facebook groups; obsessed with carbon, 700c, don’t see the point of tubeless, it’s all about rolling resistance, KOM’s, speed and of course Rapha. They will tell you how their Karoo2 or Elemnt Roam is far better than anything Garmin, and of course the maps are good enough for the Komoot routes they use; they’ve never got lost on the B687. Oh, and they have leg stubble (it’s a roadie fetish I’ve never understood). And don’t even think about them using flared drop bars.

The Hope R8+ LED will suffice as they’re never out too long, or in the dark, but they’ll still want to know how many gels they’ll need for the ride.

If they can’t ride the entire route, above 10mph average, they’ll divert to the tarmac and go home. They’re riders not runners.

What they eat at the cafe

Double espresso macchiato (every ride is a race). Lemon drizzle cake. Quiche. Elderflower non-alcoholic spritzer. They’ll be in out in 30 mins max.

The MTB gravel biker

First of all, you’ll smell them from afar. They only ride 650b tyres, tubeless, the wider the better. All carbon is shite, titanium is the answer to everything light, particularly frames; or you should take a dump in the hedge if you need to lose some weight and can’t afford the silver stuff. They’re more likely to have ViewRanger on their phone than a Garmin Edge 830 on their bars, plus a proper paper map stuffed into a pocket somewhere.

If the ride doesn’t include a carry or a hike, it’s a soft roadie ride. If they don’t see gravel as big as their head, it’s a soft roadie ride. If no one gets left behind, it’s a soft roadie ride.

They’ve had their Camelback for years, it’s never let them down, the water bladder is an additional source of free protein. There will be an old peperami and a half-eaten energy bar in one of the pockets for emergencies, a rusty multi-tool for trail repairs. They’ll look more like homeless people in their MTB helmets and baggy clothes; it will be a zero-tolerance lycra free zone. Lights? They’ll have a headtorch at best.

What they eat at the cafe

Large full-fat cappuccino. Cake, any cake. Pies, sausage rolls, pizza, full cooked breakfast. Beer, as much as possible. They’ll be there until it’s dark. Or asked to leave.

The hipster gravel biker

These are the organic ones. Their first, and only bike was a gravel bike, hand made frame, Hunt wheels, Shimano GRX. They’ll look like a GRX model; beard, tattoos, Rapha shorts, organic loose fit T, Oakleys and the full-kit-w*nker set of Apidura bags. On their wrist is a Garmin tactic Delta series with special-ops functions to help them travel in the shadows; they won’t get left behind to die. And everything is super; super awesome, super exciting, super cool, super gravel.

In the Apidura’s will be organic nuts, organic dark chocolate and of course fresh ground organic coffee for their Aeropress Go. They’ll take time to sit and savour their nutrients, to breathe in the air, to meditate, to enjoy not endure.

They don’t care about speed, or walking, or carrying. It’s all about the experience and being at one with gravel. It’s all super awesome no matter the terrain.

What they eat at the cafe

Oat milk latte. Vegan cake. Vegan hot food. Local IPA. They’ll stay as long as they stay. Time is not a measure that matters.

So there you go, every type of gravel rider I know of. Not forgetting those that transition between all genres depending on where they choose to identify on any particular day. It’s a funny old gravel bike world.

NOTE: My mates don’t really hate my gravel bike, they just think they’re really funny.