Understand and Reframe the Traditional Concept of Failure So You Never Fail Again
By: Katie Weisz
Tags: Self Improvement, Mindfulness, Life, Self, Personal Development

The traditional concept of failure is formulated largely by what society has told us is failure.

It’s definitive, cold and above all else: incredibly negative. A shame-inducing label, if there ever was one. To be defined as a “failure” is a fast track way to make even the most positive of person feel truly terrible about themselves.

It’s simply and callously defined as: “a lack of success” — which is often so far from the truth.

Failure often isn’t for lack of trying, and isn’t categorically a result of lacking in success. Failure is often one of the biggest learning curves we will ever encounter, yet these societal notions cloud our judgement of what we can benefit from experiencing what we think is failure.

The only way to definitively label something as a failure is that it hasn’t lived up to your pre-conceived expectations. Expectations of which, are beliefs, predictions, hope — not fact.

So by your belief of the unknown not orchestrating as you’d imagined, simply is not a failure.

Failure isn’t something to brand yourself with for the rest of your waking days, yet the notion of failing, and subsequently being a failure, sits with us much longer than the feeling of success ever does.

It’s far quicker, and easier, to recall the moments in life where you felt your lowest — because they’re the ones that stung, that hurt, that caused pain. A short-lived concept of failure can unconsciously brand itself to you, become part of your personality and fester into all parts of your life.

Despite all your prior and subsequent successes, failure sits the heaviest.

You haven’t failed because you haven’t succeeded, yet

The feeling of failure is often sharp, short-lived and instantaneous.

You didn’t get the job, you’ll get another one. You didn’t get the expected grade on your exam, you can resit it. You didn’t secure the client you wanted, you can book another one.

A few years ago you’ll likely have had a vision for your life. Not a detailed step-by-step plan, perhaps a little murky, but some resemblance of how you’d like your life to pan out with a few key factors you’d like to have come close to making a reality. Even if you’re still nowhere near your goals, think about how far you’ve come.

If you’re an aspiring author and you’ve taken steps to plan out your novel; you’re not a failure for not having it published yet, you’ve succeeded in taking one step closer to your ambition. If you’re an aspiring homeowner and you’ve started saving but aren’t on the property ladder yet, you’re a success by taking the steps necessary to make it a reality.

Just because you haven’t reached that goal you set for yourself doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means your circumstances, mentality or emotional wellbeing haven’t been equipped for you to do so. If you’re sitting with the feeling of failure, examine why you believe it to be a failure.

Is it because you haven’t accomplished something quickly enough? Is it because you’re comparing yourself to others? What would, or could, you have done differently, if you had the opportunity? Would someone else in your position equally attribute it as a failure?

It’s all too easy to unconsciously get wrapped up in our own thoughts and allow them to escalate to unprecedented levels. What may have been a small moment becomes a big moment. What may have been a snap judgement becomes a branded label. What may have been a success becomes a failure.

Asking questions, both big and small, and putting yourself in the position of an objective other removes you from your own spiral and rationalises those thoughts. Quite often, you’re not a failure. You’ve taken steps. You’ve made progress. You’ve kept to your goal, you haven’t abandoned it. That alone, is a success.

Unrealistic examples of success results in unrealistic comparisons

Young entrepreneurs now are almost famous because of their perceived success, and more specifically, the speed of which they reached that level of success. “Overnight success stories” are pushed in front of our eyes most, if not every, day. They’re placed on a pedestal as though that’s the true resemblance of success in our society. Almost as though anything but inconceivable levels of success is the only level to aim for, and everything else below is a failure.

That’s not reality, it’s not the norm, and it’s not achievable, for the 99.9% majority.

Yet when comparing to this, it’s hard not to feel like a failure. Not to question your own self, your own progress, your own story, where you are in life. Because in comparison, anything looks to be less than. Because that level of success is so far being in-obtainable, it’s not even a comparative measure.

This is where failure in itself roots: comparison to others. Because if there was nothing to compare yourself to, then you wouldn’t understand the concept of failure, therefore would be unable to label yourself as a failure.

Remove comparison from the equation and no-one is a failure. We’re all just navigating our own lives on our own terms. To our own timelines, to our own beat, to our own desires. Not to what we think is “success” by comparative measures.

Comparison is the root of all evil and forces us to unconsciously label ourselves with notions we don’t deserve. Comparison is equally often formulated based off half-truths. Comparing your wholehearted, full and entirely human life to someones Instagram highlight reel isn’t a valid comparison.

While someone may have a thriving relationship, they may have had many debilitating ones before. While someone may be thriving in their career, they may have had many failed job interviews before they thrived. While someone may be thriving with clients in their business, they may have been working a part-time job to support themselves.

Unless you know all the details about someones perceived success, it’s not a valid comparison. And even then, it’s still not. Because you’re on a different path in life, one that’s yours.