How Writers and Wrestlers Share the Same Thick Skin
By: Susan Poole
Tags: Publishing, Self, Writer, Success, Resilience

How Writers and Wrestlers Share the Same Thick Skin

My years as a wrestling mom prepared me for the ups and downs of pursuing a publishing contract.

Photo by Chris Chow on Unsplash

My son started wrestling before he began kindergarten and finished his career as a four-year letterman from one of the most competitive high school wrestling programs in the country. He hung up his wrestling shoes last year to attend a Big Ten university, so this is the first October in a long time that I haven’t had a pit of anticipation growing in my gut as the wrestling season looms near.

Being a wrestling mom is definitely not for the faint of heart. I’d always had a love/hate relationship with the sport. But now that I’ve had time to distance myself from the one thing that could evoke the most intense feelings of pride, angst and sorrow — all in the same breath — I understand the broad span of life lessons learned by watching my son battle his opponents….match after match…tournament after tournament…season after season…and year after year. Until it all came to an end.

It’s not easy to put it into words, and certainly not with any brevity. But if I had to sum up the fifteen years in which he wrestled competitively, I’d say I was proud of his tireless work ethic…of how he persevered even when the odds were against him…and how he handled himself in the face of defeat.

Wait! Hold on a second! Am I talking about my son the wrestler, or about myself the writer?

Truth be told, either fits the bill.

Here’s how I see the lessons learned from wrestling compare to pursuing a career as a writer:

Much of your training is done in isolation

In order to become a good writer, you need to spend countless hours honing your craft. In addition to developing a consistent writing routine, mastering things like plot, character development and story arc, and learning the grammar basics, this includes reading books about writing, as well as those in your genre.

“If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” — Stephen King

No need to argue with the master.

Similar to the sport of wrestling, writing requires a great deal of work on your own, just like running, lifting weights and managing your nutrition. Sure, you’ll need training or critique partners, and feedback from coaches, editors and publishers. But most of the time, it’s up to you to hold yourself accountable, and to motivate yourself to stay disciplined.

The road can be lonely and the temptation to quit can be strong. Whether it’s a state title or a traditionally published novel, always keep your eye on the end game.

Defeat is expected, and an integral part of your growth

This is something I didn’t understand at the beginning of my writing journey. I assumed if I worked hard and produced a strong manuscript, that a publishing contract would follow. Similar to how my son once viewed winning a state championship.

But only a select number of people can achieve either of those goals, and sheer determination only gets you so far. Timing and luck play a factor in any type of success, so it’s important to learn how to embrace defeat and turn it into something positive.

For me, each time I get rejected, I send a new query as soon as possible. If I’m lucky enough to have received feedback with that rejection, I pause to take it under consideration. No use sending out my next query if there’s an opportunity to make my submission stronger. Lemons to lemonade.

The best wrestling analogy I have here is that one of my son’s teammates was once told that his takedowns were too inconsistent. He excelled in every other move, which usually compensated for his one significant weakness, so he easily could have minimized that constructive criticism. Instead, he chose to focus on his biggest weakness, often at the expense of his stronger more sure-fire moves. It wasn’t uncommon to watch him execute a takedown, then let his opponent up to attempt another…and another…and another. We watched that kid’s takedowns improve before our eyes. His practice paid off, too. Not only do takedowns earn more points, but his commitment to improving upon all areas of his craft — not just the ones he was most comfortable with — resulted in that kid earning two consecutive state championships.

Victory is the best way to wash away the pain of a past defeat, so I’m holding out hope that an eventual book deal makes the last few years of rejection all worth it.

Waiting is also part of the game

A high school wrestling match is typically six minutes long (unless you pin your opponent or win by tech fall). In between matches, there’s an awful lot of waiting around, anticipating your next opponent.

The same can be said of trying to land a literary agent. Once you’ve polished your manuscript to a point when it’s query-ready, it takes far less time to draft and send your submission package. Then the waiting begins.

Best to distract yourself during the lull.

That’s one reason you see wrestlers jogging around the gym or pacing back and forth wearing headphones during tournaments. That’s why I’m writing more articles these days — I’m waiting to hear whether I’ve been accepted into an international mentoring program, counting down the days to receive feedback on the 80,000-word romantic suspense novel I’m hoping to have published. If I don’t stay busy, my nerves could get the best of me.

When my son got nervous, he was often immobilized. It didn’t work well for him. Rather than keeping his mind and body focused on something positive, he commonly stewed in the stands between matches. I remember paying attention to his body language. His slumped shoulders and deer-in-headlights facial expression were clear red flags. He didn’t believe in himself, which often meant that he’d lose the next match before stepping foot on the mat.

It’s easy to be your own worst enemy. I’ve doubted my own writing abilities countless times and often wonder whether I’m simply wasting my time. But that’s not how winners think, so I’ll keep writing while waiting for my big break.

Subjectivity can’t be controlled

This is probably more accurate in writing than it is than in wrestling. Whether an agent or a reader connects with a particular story is extremely subjective, and at least the sport of wrestling follows a standard set of rules. But sometimes a victory turns on a bad call, and even the best wrestlers can get caught in a surprise move to end up on their backs.

Subjectivity can’t be predicted or controlled in any context. It shouldn’t be used as an excuse, only an explanation to help reconcile why sometimes hard work and determination still go unrewarded. So, the next time I get a rejection from a potential agent that says, “please remember that publishing is subjective,” I’ll resist the urge to take it too personally and only try harder to find the right home for my work.

Resilience is key

Not everyone can find themselves at the top of the podium or on the shelves at Barnes & Noble, but what’s the harm in dreaming big? Having lofty goals inspires us, pushes us to work harder, and hopefully helps us achieve our ultimate goals someday.

The alternative would be giving up and calling it quits. While there may be a time when that becomes necessary — like when my son realized his dreams of becoming a college wrestler were outweighed by his desire to enroll at a Big Ten university — I’m not ready to throw in the towel on my writing career just yet. Like any good athlete, I’ll continue to work hard in hopes that my efforts will eventually pay off. And if that never happens, at least I’ll be able to look back with pride, knowing that I did everything in my power to fulfill my dreams.

Dan Gable, one of the most recognizable names in wrestling, once said:

“Gold medals aren’t really made of gold. They’re made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts.”

Words to live by — whether you’re chasing gold medals or a spot on the New York Times best sellers list.