Why Do Sexually Liberated Women Scare People so Much?
Tags: Mordern Sex, Women, Feminism, Equality, Sexuality

Modern Sex

Why Do Sexually Liberated Women Scare People so Much?

Being called a slut makes me feel powerful

artwork by Nikita Klimov

I have been called a slut ever since I was 16. The first time I kissed a boy was at 17. Men may read this and think, “that makes no sense?” but women know that you don’t need to do much to be called a whore. You don’t even need to talk to a boy. An innocent smile can be akin to jet fuel, propelling the rumour mill into overdrive. I would text a male friend, go to school the next day and find out that we were fucking.

Though I am immune to most kinds of verbal abuse, some of the comments I have received hit close to the now dormant vacuum that once housed my heart. I was called a slut way back before I’d even been touched, so once I had sex, I thought, fuck it. If being chaste isn’t enough to secure protection from hearsay, why suppress my sexual expression?

Not going to lie, I went on a bit of a mad one. Even though I was always safe in terms of using protection, I wasn’t protected mentally. There were times when men did use me; however, I soon learned how to play the game fairly and adequately. There is nothing wrong with casual sex, but I’ve found there is something wrong with the way men like to do it. It usually involves them acting interested in a woman, knowing full well that they don’t want anything serious.

There are plenty of women who just want no-strings-attached sex. However, these women are of little interest because they’re “easy.” We have romanticised the chase to the point where harassment and stalking are normalised, and women resisting is seen as a standard step of courtship. I am sure many women can think of many instances where they have told a man ‘no,’ and he has continued anyway. We are instructed to tell them ‘no,’ but they’re never taught to listen. Instead, what they hear is, “Please convince me” because women don’t know what they want.

I find the implication that women need to be hard to have sex with disconcerting. Why does sex need manipulation and the scent of rape culture to be fulfilling? Shouldn’t it always be easy? Why is disinterest and ambivalence pheromonal pixie-dust that enchants and possesses?

We know why. We live in a culture where sexual violence is normalised. We have internalised this false notion that men are unable to control their urges, and women don’t want or like sex — if they do, there is something wrong with them. Therefore, when coming together, the only way to get laid is either through manipulation, rape, or marriage. Yet even in the confines of marriage, women aren’t safe from either of the other two.

Men will openly avoid sexually liberal women because we are damaged somehow. Isn’t it terrifying how sex is seen as something difficult to attain? It has to be a fight and drawn-out courtship, even when you’re looking for something casual.

But this isn’t only a man problem. There are plenty of women who will join in with the vitriol. Choosing these moments to peacock their feathers, so others will notice that they are unsullied. I have, after all, been called worse names by women than men.