The Day I Cried and Made Up With My Husband
By: Mishael Witty
Tags: Christianity, Marriage, Relationships, Forgiveness, Worship

When the worship music begins to play during the church service, what do you expect? Blessing? Fun? Excitement? Connection?

What about conviction?

Do you ever expect to be convicted during worship?

I never did … until it happened to me.

Let me give you the back story

One Saturday afternoon, I had a backache. And when I say backache, I mean excruciating pain every time I tried to bend over or do anything.

The same Saturday afternoon, my husband decided he was going fishing, leaving me at home alone, in pain, with the responsibility of taking care of our two girls. And when he got done fishing, he still had two hours’ worth of work to do to clean the church we used to be members of. That meant I had to take care of bath and bedtime all by myself, in addition to everything else … while still dealing with my pain.

By the time he got home, I was … unhappy, to put it mildly.

We had a stupid fight. You know the kind … when you both say things you don’t really mean to say (although you really do mean what you say) because pride is getting the better of you.

He apologized (he ALWAYS apologizes first; he’s much better at that than I am). I refused to forgive him completely, and I went to sleep — no longer livid, but still not completely over the hurt.

I didn’t follow the biblical advice:

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry … (Ephesians 4:26, NIV)

I still wasn’t very happy Sunday morning

No angry words were spoken. We got ready for church just as we always do. Still, something niggled at my soul and spirit. I brushed it off and headed into the sanctuary.

As I sat down in the pew next to my husband, I leaned over and whispered, “I’m still not very happy with you.”

He clasped my hand in his and said, “I really am sorry.”

I replied, with a hint of playfulness, “You’re a jerk. You know that?”

“Yes, I do. I am. Do you still love me?”

I nodded. “Yes, I really do. I’m not happy with you, but I love you.”

That was as far as we got with working things through before the service started.

The musical portion of the service started off the same as usual. I stood and sang and thought I was worshipping. Then, we started singing, “Worthy Is the Lamb, Seated on the Throne.”

As we sang about Christ’s sacrifice and His forgiveness offered to us, I began to weep. Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t even get the words out. I threw my hands up in the air and asked for His forgiveness, yet again, for my bitterness and anger. And I asked Him to help me forgive my husband.

Jesus offers me such amazing forgiveness every day, even for sins that I commit willingly, and I was holding back my forgiveness from my husband for something he didn’t even mean to do.

As I attempted to sing, but mostly just cried and prayed and swayed in time to the music, the stone around my heart crumbled and I began to look at my husband with new eyes — eyes filled with love and forgiveness.

The truth about forgiveness

Worship isn’t just about the music, even though worship music can certainly give you a powerful, emotional experience. If you’re looking at it with the right eyes and with the correct attitude, even listening to the pastor’s sermon can be worship.

Interestingly enough, the pastor preached that day on The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32). And he even used an example that really hit home:

You know how, when you’re out fishing later than your wife expected you to, and you’re rehearsing in your head what you’re going to say to her when you get home? That’s what this son was doing before he returned to his father.

When he said those words, I looked over at my husband, and he looked at me. We smiled, and I leaned in to his shoulder.

And then the pastor said something that always makes me think twice about choosing not to forgive someone:

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:15, NIV)

I think, at that point, I was already well on my way to completely forgiving my husband, if I hadn’t forgiven him already. But those words took even deeper root in my heart, and I prayed again that God would help me forgive … and that He would forgive me for not wanting to forgive.

During the invitation, I grabbed my husband’s hand and held on for dear life. Then, when the service ended, I leaned over and whispered, “I’m not upset with you anymore.”

He smiled. “I can tell.”

“But you’re still a jerk.”

He laughed. “Of course.”

“And I am too sometimes.”

He rubbed my arm. “Sometimes.”

All was forgiven, and we’d both had one of the most amazing worship experiences of our lives … together.

Worship isn’t always just about you and God

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, among all the commandments, He recited two slightly different commandments from what the Jews were used to hearing.

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37–39, NIV)

When we look at the first commandment, we don’t have any trouble recognizing it as worship. Loving God with everything we are? Yes. Seems to go right along with what we think of as worship.

But what about that second commandment? How many of us identify that as part of our worship of our Heavenly Father?

I didn’t … until He showed me that by loving and forgiving my husband, I was showing true love to God. I was acting as if I truly belong to Him … because I do.

… Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:11–14, NIV)

I was worshiping Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:23–24). As David Mathis from Desiring God puts it:

At bottom, it’s not what we do (or don’t do) with our hands (or what someone else is doing or not doing), but what we do with our hearts and minds — because of the one who has captured our hearts and minds. Worship is in spirit and in truth.

Has God captured your heart and mind? Why not submit them both to Him today?