How Intense Academic Pressure Is Harming Your Child
By: Abbey Fatica
Tags: Relationships, Life Lessons, Education, Parenting, Wellness

Image by Наталия Когут from Pixabay

The beginning of the school year brings upon a mixture of feelings. On one hand, I’m ready for school to be back in session. I love keeping to a schedule, watching the kids’ grow physically, emotionally, and academically over the course of nine months. Most of all, I love having a break in the day to get my stuff done.

Then there is the flip side, the carefree aspect of summer dwindles as classroom assignments start pouring in, the competition of life kicks back into gear and the high of laying poolside and relaxing falls by the wayside.

I wish I could bottle up summer so when negativity comes out and the pressure builds, I take my elixir and sprinkle it upon another parent’s head saying “remember that good feeling”.

Release The Pressure

Why are some parents so concerned with the teachers their children get? The moment our kids got their classroom assignments, the chill atmosphere of summer all but disappeared. From a kid’s point of view, they want to make sure they have friends in their class. Sometimes they want a certain teacher, but it’s not necessarily the highest priority. They want someone to chat, hang out with and be their buddy for the next nine months.

This is the opposite of what I see in the mindset of some parents. Yes, it’s been ingrained that our children do well in school and succeed but what about their happiness. Some parents I talked with all so worried their child wasn’t placed with a teacher who was up to their standards. Instead of trusting the district, they decided to take matters into their own hands confronting unassuming parents and staff about their child. Could it be there was a reason their child was placed with a certain teacher? Who knows?

While I did want my kids to receive certain teachers this year based on their academic standards, I let my opinion slide. I let them guide the conversation instead of voicing my thoughts on the subject. My goal was to help them find friends in their class so they would be excited about their first day of school.

Kindergarten Is Still About Play

The pressures of school start way too young. Why did it become a thing to prepare your child academically for kindergarten?

I’ve recently talked with parents who are concerned their child isn’t reading yet, before the school year has even started. You would think by now my youngest would be reading War and Peace because I’ve done this three times already. On the contrary, he’s still trying to figure out what some letters are.

And guess what, I’m not concerned. A ton of growth happens in the first couple years of school. I don’t feel the pressure to teach him at home because initially he will learn it best from someone who has the skills to do so. I’m perfectly happy reading with him and working on letters once it’s learn at school.

My oldest has even taught him how to do simple addition problems and really it’s fun for her to play teacher. As a bonus, he learns a little bit of math. But it’s not because I force him to sit down and do flash cards every day.

As far as preparing him for Kindergarten, socially and academically he’s ready to go. I’m not sending him off to high school today with a bank full of knowledge. I’m sending him to the place that will give him a good introduction to school, let him play while learning and progressively teach him along the way.

None of my kids knew how to read before Kindergarten started, but all now read well above their grade level. So am I concerned for what my 5 year old knows before his first day of school? No, but it reminds me that this pressure to do well in school is a constant uphill battle.

Learning At Their Own Pace

This year my middle schooler’s biggest concern was many of her friends were placed on a different team. Meaning she has to step out of her comfort zone and make new friends. She doesn’t care about the level of learning per se, she wants to have comfort in knowing people in her class. With that, her friends are in a higher level class, and the reality is she wants to be with them.

My past experience shows that I get where she is coming from. Many of my friends in high school were enrolled in AP classes. That level was not where I excelled at, but I wanted to be there so I could hang out with them. There were times, I signed up for classes way above my comprehension level in order to seem smarter. In the end, I didn’t do so hot in those classes. Luckily some teachers recognized I was struggling and moved me to a more appropriate class. Others didn’t, making it frustrating and resulting in me not wanting learn the subject.

I felt the pressure to be placed in higher level classes because my friends were and thought it would be best for my own academic goals. I only felt this pressure because my friends all spoke in this manner. Hmm, wonder where they got that from?

At my home, there wasn’t a ton of pressure to push myself beyond my limits in order to get into a “better” college. My mom didn’t show remorse for my class schedule, teacher assignments or grades for that matter. She didn’t stick her nose in my school business, therefore allowing me to work through problems and learning my own lessons.

I try really hard to let my kids do the same because I am not the one taking the tests, turning in homework or learning the material. I’ll be there as support but when it comes down to it, this is their chance to figure it all out in a safe environment.