The First Time I Met my Shadow was an Eye-Opening Experience
By: Charlotte Zobeir Ali
Tags: Spirituality, History, Ideas, Reading, Energy

The First Time I Met my Shadow was an Eye-Opening Experience

Everyone should face their darker self

Thibodeau Photography from Flickr

Frightening, magical, profound, painful, divine, and intense. These are some of the words that can describe my journey to the dark side.

Nearly two weeks ago, I decided to stop beating around the bush and deal with the parts of me I am insecure about, ashamed of, frustrated with and therefore repressed.

One evening, I listened to a fascinating audio that helped me connect with my shadow self.

Years ago, one of my friends told me about Carl Jung a psychologist, who believed that to create a sense of harmony within the self and have a balanced life we should be aware of our shadow.

His work is enthralling and powerful, but I was terrified of following his recommendations until that unforgettable evening.

I don’t know what pushed me to finally face my shadow, but I am grateful.

Once everyone in my family was asleep, I took a sleeping bag to the living room. I turned off all the light, closed my eyes and started listening to the following audio from YouTube.

Within minutes, my throat started burning, and I felt pain on the back. My legs were heavy then my body started shaking.

After a while, the pain was getting worse. There was a ball in my throat, and I thought that my spine was going to come out of my back.

I suddenly saw myself as a 4-year-old in school. Boys were running after me to try and kick me. The teachers were standing in the middle of the playground, laughing!

Every morning, I was hit by children who hated me because of the colour of my skin. Little by little, I stopped crying and just accepted the beatings. Not one teacher has ever come to my defence. Instead, I could see their smiles.

My shadow came out and was incandescent with rage. It started beating everyone with a bat, then went to see my parents and did the same.

Surprisingly I was not spared. The shadow was like a monster which turned into a dragon- panther. It started running and attacking everyone in sight until it went to space and destroyed planet Earth.

After a while, I found myself sitting next to my younger self. In tears, I went for a hug, but the little girl pulled away.

It was as if she blamed me for not protecting her, I told her I was sorry, everything will be okay, and would always be there for her.

We fell into each other arms.

My body started to relax a little bit then I opened my eyes.

It was a shock to discover and feel all this anger, but it helps me understand why I am often upset with the world.

Thanks to my shadow, I realised that I was ashamed of what happened to me, blamed myself then became an introvert.

I now understand my chequered academic journey. Unexplained bad grades, unexpected success and soul-crushing disappointments summarise my student life.

I have spent my life trying to recreate this heartbreaking scene and repress my feelings. No wonder I always self-sabotage.

Since that blessed evening, I have dedicated at least 15 minutes to my shadow every single day. The experience is less painful than the first time, but the result is as nourishing.

The rage is gone, but I still don’t know what my shadow truly wants, however, it’s wonderful to be able to communicate.

Inner peace starts with awareness.

I encourage readers to read about shadow work and try to connect with their dark self because as Carl Jung said: