A Very COVID Valentine’s Day
By: Thea Engst
Tags: Relationships, Covid, Vday2021, Love

In the past I took Valentine’s Days as they came: some years I celebrated with my hubby, some years I worked. I used to be in hospitality. I liked to get dressed up and spread the loving energy of the holiday, to help couples enjoy their evenings. I never put much pressure on the day itself, but took any gestures of love with appreciation, from whoever chose to give them to me.

I never saw anything wrong with celebrating Valentine’s Day, because to me the love came from everywhere. It was hardly ever focused on a boyfriend.

One of my best friends used to make chocolate-dipped pretzels and decorate them with heart-shaped sprinkles to hand out at work. One of my roommates used to make us each tiny collage cards. My ex and I had started dating close enough to Valentine’s Day that each year we celebrated with a collaborated anniversary/Valentine’s date night. No gifts, just a nice dinner.

But this year, like everything else with COVID, is different.

I have a boyfriend I live with now. We started seeing each other just before Valentine’s Day last year. It was happening fast, too fast for me. So I asked him if we could wait until Mercury was out of retrograde before we made anything official. By early March we were official, and the lockdowns only made it more serious.

I remember he came to visit me at work on Valentine’s Day 2020. He gave me a hug and said, “I was going to bring you a flower or something, but I didn’t know how you felt about today.”

I shrugged, “I don’t care too much.” But I guess I did, and I do. I cared more than I thought. It wasn’t about a gift or a flower. It was about a reason to celebrate love. And now, one year later, I see more of a reason to celebrate love than any year before this.

Now, all I want is a flower, a date night, a reason to get dressed up. But the fact is that since we are both former bartenders trying to figure out new careers, neither of us have the money to do a date night. My boyfriend has been out of work for a month and though he has a new job lined up, it is weather-dependent, making money even tighter for us. I’m working only thirty hours managing a wine shop and doing my best to push forward as a freelance writer. We are working harder than ever just to make ends meet.

It’s hard to believe that just a year ago my biggest problem was deciding if I wanted to commit to this person. It’s hard to believe that I was able to work at a job I loved in an industry I adored and make enough to live and save. It’s hard to believe that now, all I want is a cheap silly trinket or a sappy Hallmark card telling me I’m loved.

But that’s one lesson that COVID and this past year has taught me: it really is the little things that count. It really is the people you surround yourself with.

It’s hard to not be sad for this Valentine’s Day. It’s hard to not want a box of chocolates and a nice dinner on a silly holiday. But what I’m trying to remind myself as the day approaches is that the important thing is: I have a partner that loves me and is someone I can count on. I have someone who will make up for this year next year, and every year after that.

So this Valentine’s Day we will drink cheap wine and eat a home-cooked meal, just like we do every night. This is the quiet sadness of the past year for us. This is the smothering of our beloved industry, of the people who work and worked in it.

And next year, hopefully, we party, even better: we work.