Lily
By: Conny Manero
Tags: Novel, Book Recommendations, Reading, Books, Novel Excerpt

Lily

A novel

There is a dark secret in Lily’s home. Her mother, Marion Vermeer, has dangerous mood swings directed at Lily with disastrous results. Eager to get away from home, Lily falls in love with the charming Edward who showers her with the attention she craves. But there will be no fairy tale ending for Lily. Too late she realizes that she has replaced her domineering mother with a controlling and flawed husband. Unable to find work, Edward’s solution is to move his young family to South Africa, a country in the midst of violent, political turmoil. When her marriage is in jeopardy and her son is threatened, can Lily reach deep inside herself to discover her greatest strength? Lily’s story of courage will stay with you long after you read the final page.

Chapter 1

1969

“She’s a girl; she doesn’t need an education,” Mom sneered, swatting a hand through the air. “She’ll get married and have kids.”

Dad didn’t agree. In his opinion. I should go to high school. He was about to come up with yet another argument when Mom cut him off.

“She’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Albert. She won’t be able to cope. She hates school. Why put her through another six years?”

“Well, then maybe an art academy,” Dad reasoned. “She’s pretty good at drawing. Let her develop by doing something creative.”

“I don’t know, Albert.” Mom shook her head in doubt. “If we were talking about a boy, I’d say fine, let him go to an academy instead of a high school, but we’re talking about a girl — a girl who will meet a boy, fall in love, get married, and start a family. She’ll be a housewife like me. So why does she need a fancy education? I say let her stay in the school she’s been in for the past six years; let her enter the special program where she’ll learn to cook and sew. That will be all the education she’ll ever need.” “Luc went to high school,” Dad remarked.

“Luc is a boy; he’s smart and he’s got a great future ahead of him. Did you know he wants to become a math professor?”

I was hunched over the dining room table with my back to the fireplace, glancing from my mom to my dad as they argued about me. I wished they would stop and give me a say in the matter. I would tell them that I hated school, hated it with a passion. The teacher liked nothing better than to put me on the spot with questions I couldn’t answer and my classmates took pleasure in my humiliation. Every time the teacher called me to the front of the class, I could hear the whispers behind my back.

Poor Luc; he would finish high school in June and might have to go to the university in September for who knows how many years. With a sigh, I turned my attention back to my homework. School would break for summer next week, but Miss Moon still gave us homework: math and an essay. We had to write a two-page essay about what we were going to do during school break.

I stuck the end of my pen between my front teeth and stared at the blank page in front of me. We would go camping, just like last year and the year before: sightseeing, visiting little markets, swimming, and generally having fun. But how to put this into words?

“How’s it going with that essay, Lily?” Mom asked on her way to the kitchen.

I shrugged helplessly. “Do you want some help?” I eagerly nodded.

“Okay, let me go and make some coffee and then I’ll come and help you.”

With a sigh of relief, I put my pen down. If Mom was going to help with the essay, it would turn out alright. Mom wrote all my essays and she always received good marks for me.

“What do you need to write about?” Mom asked.

“Our plans for the summer holidays.”

“Well, that’s easy.” Slightly irritated, Mom pulled the paper towards her. “We’re going camping. Why can’t you tell your teacher about that?”

“I can tell her,” I said, “but I don’t know how to write it.”

“Tell me.”

“You know what we do on holiday.”

“Yes, but I still want you to tell me. You can’t expect me to do everything.”

As I related the planned holiday from past experiences, Mom wrote everything down. Every now and then she would hold up her hand when I went too fast and she would nod to let me know when to continue.

When I was finished saying what I had to say, Mom rewrote what she had on the paper. Twenty minutes later, the essay was finished. Mom read it aloud and I glowed with enthusiasm. Mom had written what I had told her, but Mom’s version was so much better than mine.

“Now then, do you have anything else to do?”

“Math.”

Mom frowned and got up. “Can’t help you with that, but Luc will. Better get started.”

Math was my worst subject. I had no trouble with regular math — adding, subtracting, dividing, and multiplying — but when it came to story-related math problems, I was lost. Without much hope, I looked at the first question:

Ants on a stick

One hundred ants are dropped onto a meter stick. Each ant is traveling either to the left or to the right with a constant speed of one meter per minute. When two ants meet, they bounce off each other and reverse direction. When an ant reaches the end of the stick, it falls off.

At some point, all the ants will have fallen off. The time at which this happens will depend on the initial configuration of the ants.

Question: Given all possible initial configurations, what is the longest amount of time that you would need to wait for the stick to have no more ants on it?

I read the question again and again and again. My hands balled into fists as I racked my brain trying to come up with the right answer. I had no idea how long it would take for all the ants to be off the meter stick.

“Lily, I can hear you sighing,” Mom called. “Don’t you understand the question?”

“I understand the question, Mom, but I don’t know the answer.”

“Then you don’t understand the question,” Mom said, pushing herself out of her chair in the sitting room. “I don’t think I’ll be of much use, but let me have a look.”

Having put on her glasses, she peered over my shoulder and read the word problem about the ants.

“Good Lord,” she commented, “I can’t help you with this Lily, but Luc will know. Ask him when he comes downstairs.”

Moments later, Luc sauntered into the living room.

Even though Luc was seven years older than me, we looked very much alike. He was tall and lanky with blue eyes, a straight nose, and a generous mouth. His blond hair was cut very short.

My hair used to be long, almost to the middle of my back, but when my ponytail hung in my plate of soup one day when I turned to look at a bird on the windowsill, Mom cut it off. She got so angry that she went to the kitchen, took a pair of scissors out of the drawer, and cut the whole ponytail off. Luc gasped in shock and waited for my reaction, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I may have been young, but I had my pride, and I would be damned if I showed her how she hurt me. Mom was like that, sweet and helpful one moment, explosive and violent this next. My hair looked like rats had been at it, so Mom took me to our neighbor, Vivian, to fix up the mess. Vivian made an even bigger mess and I was left with hair no longer than an inch. When I looked in the mirror, I hated my reflection, but there was nothing to be done about it now.

Dad was furious when he came home that night, saw me, and heard from Mom what she had done. After I was sent to my room, I heard him yell at Mom. Mom yelled too, and it went on and on. Then suddenly they grew quiet. When I crept back downstairs, I found Mom in the living room and Dad in the kitchen. I could feel something was wrong and I knew my hair was the cause of it. For the rest of the week, whenever Dad came home, he didn’t kiss Mom hello and didn’t talk to her.

Then a voice snapped me back to my math.

“Luc, your sister needs help with her homework,” Mom said, waving in my direction.

“Let me guess, math?” he asked.

I nodded.

To my relief, Luc smiled and looked at the book in front of me.

“Don’t just give her the answer,” Mom scolded, looking up from her knitting. “Reason it out with her and let her come up with the answer on her own.”

Luc sat down next to me. “Okay, any ideas?”

“No.”

“Two ants bouncing off each other is equivalent to two ants that pass through each other, in the sense that the positions of the ants in each case are identical,” Luc began. “Does that make it any clearer?” I took a deep breath but didn’t say anything.

Luc demonstrated ants walking on the table with his fingers.

I concentrated but didn’t get it. I just didn’t. Biting my lip, I looked up at him. Why did he understand this question after reading it only twice, while I had read it over and over again and had no clue? I suddenly felt very warm and nauseous. “Hmm . . . Um, I don’t know,” I whispered, close to tears.

“Envision the ants walking, Lily,” Luc encouraged. “See them walking on that stick. How long is it going to take them to get to the other side?”

“Lily, are you concentrating?” Mom called from the sitting room. “Don’t let your brother figure this out for you. Come up with the answer yourself.” Swallowing away a lump in my throat, I felt tears burning behind my eyes. I hated being yelled at. I didn’t know how long it would take the stupid ants to cross the stupid stick and I didn’t dare guess. If I got it wrong, there would be more yelling.

“How long?” my brother asked.

“Concentrate, Lily,” Mom hollered again.

“Mom, leave her alone,” Luc snapped, as he held up his hand. “Let her think for a minute.”

I read the story again, concentrating on each word, willing myself to find the answer. I briefly glanced in Mom’s direction. As our eyes met, I saw her shaking her head at me.

Luc gave me a little nudge and I looked back down at the page, reading the story yet again. I would have to give an answer. Luc was waiting. If I got it wrong, Mom might yell at me again. I had to get it right. I just had to.

“Lily?”

“A minute?” I said softly, ready to burst into tears.

“That’s right!” Luc said triumphantly. “The longest that you would need to wait to ensure that all ants are off is one minute. Well done, Lily.”

“Huh,” Mom snorted. “Lucky guess.”

While Mom and Dad watched a movie on television, Luc and I played battleship. He won the first two games; I won the third. I wondered if he let me win just to make me feel good.

When Mom glanced at the clock and announced it was bedtime, Luc and I packed up, wished Mom and Dad good night, and climbed the stairs to our bedrooms.

At the top of the stairs, I remembered that I had left my reading book on the table and went back down. I was about to open to door to the living room when I thought I heard Mom and Dad talking about me.

“And you want that girl to go to high school? She can’t even do math without Luc’s help.”

“She came up with the answer, didn’t she?”

“She guessed it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Of course she guessed it, Albert. Do you really think she knew the answer? I don’t understand how one child can be so smart and the other so stupid.”

“Don’t call Lily stupid, Marion.”

“She is stupid.”

I crept back up the stairs, my hand shaking on the banister and tears rolling down my cheeks. It hurt hearing Mom say that I was stupid, but she was right. I had guessed the answer to the math problem. If it hadn’t been for Luc, I never would have come up with the right answer. I hoped they wouldn’t send me to high school. Lessons would be so much harder there and I wouldn’t have Luc to help me.

If it were up to me, I’d never go back to school.

Back in my room, I crumbled to the floor against my bed and started crying in earnest. Burying my face in the blankets, I sobbed. Stupid, I kept thinking. I am just a stupid girl.

When I arrived at school the next day, my friends, Anne and Chloe, were frantically waving at me from the playground. We were like The Three Musketeers, inseparable since grade one. Anne could have passed for my sister. We were the same height, the same build, and had the same blonde hair, except mine was very short and Anne’s was shoulder length. Chloe was very different. She was also tall, but she already showed curves in all the right places and had black curly hair.

“What’s up?” I said, joining them on a bench under the oak tree where we usually met in the morning.

“Did you do the math homework?” Anne asked.

“The one about the ants on a stick?” Chloe asked.

I nodded.

Anne hesitated. “Do you think you got it right?”

“I don’t think I did; I know I did.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Luc helped me.”

That was all the girls needed to know. If Luc had helped me with my math homework, then I was bound to have the correct answer. As one, they delved in their school cases and yanked out their math books.

“You don’t mind sharing, do you?” Both of them looked at me with big anxious eyes and eager faces.

“Of course not,” I quickly replied. “The answer is one minute.” Their books disappeared in half that time as they sighed with relief.

“Did you guys do the essay?” I asked.

“Sort of,” Anne said. “My mom helped me.”

“So did mine,” Chloe smiled.

“So did mine,” I giggled.

I wanted to ask my friends if they were planning on going to high school after the summer holidays, but didn’t dare to do it. Suppose they said yes; then I would be the one left behind. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to stay in this school for another two years without them. Suppose I was the only one of us three who would stay behind in the two-year special program while they moved on to high school.

When one of the teachers stepped onto the playground and rang the copper bell, we all picked up our cases and walked to class.

“Morning, students,” Miss Moon said when we were all seated. “I have a surprise for you. Today a consultant will be visiting us to talk about your future. Have any of you given any thought as to what you want to do now that you’re in your last year of elementary school?”

An excited murmur rippled through the class and numerous hands were raised.

“Yes, Piper?” Miss Moon pointed to a girl in the front row.

“I want to be a lawyer,” Piper said.

I had no doubt that she was serious. Piper was the smartest girl in class and had been since grade one. When she was called to the front of the class to write the answers to questions on the blackboard, she always got them all right. Whether it was math or grammar, history, or geography, Piper always got everything right. She could sing like an angel, she could draw really, really well, and she was the most athletic girl in gym class.

“I want to be a doctor.” Vera followed Piper’s answer.

Vera was Piper’s competition, also smart, but she always seemed to come in second best to Piper.

Our teacher nodded in approval, then continued to point at girls who had their hands raised and listen intently to their plans. Some wanted to be teachers, others nurses, one wanted to be a hairstylist, and another a veterinarian.

I had wanted to be a veterinarian, too, until Dad said that veterinarians don’t only make animals better, that they sometimes had to put animals down. I no longer wanted to be a veterinarian after learning about that. I would never be able to kill an animal, whether it was for its own good or not.

I kept my hand down, shrinking in my seat as Miss Moon moved to the back of the class.

“And you, Chloe?”

Chloe hadn’t raised her hand and was obviously surprised by the question. “I don’t know, ma’am.”

“Have you thought about modeling? You’re still very young, but in a few years’ time, who knows? You’re quite beautiful.”

Chloe squirmed under the sudden attention of the class, keeping her eyes on her hands on her desk.

“And what about you, Lily? What do you want to do?”

“Nothing, ma’am.”

The class burst out laughing, but Miss Moon silenced them by holding up her hand.

“Nothing?”

“Mom says I have to stay here for another two years and learn how to cook and sew.”

More laughter, but this time I wasn’t bothered. I had noticed how Anne and Chloe suddenly looked at me, and then at each other, eyes bright with excitement. This could only mean one thing: they were taking the cooking and sewing class, too. It no longer mattered that I would be stuck in this school for another two years. My worst fear evaporated at that moment — I wouldn’t be alone! Smiling, I looked up at the teacher who gave me a wavering smile back. And for a second, I could have sworn she felt sorry for me.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Anne demanded at break. “I’ve been worried sick that we would never see each other again.”

“I only found out about it last night.” I shrugged. “Mom and Dad were talking about high school and stuff and Mom said that I didn’t need an education because I’m only going to get married and have kids.” “Married?” Chloe gasped.

“Well, not now, obviously.” I rolled my eyes. “When I’m grown up.

“I’m so relieved you two are staying, too,” Anne said.

I smiled. “You wouldn’t have been on your own; others in our class are not going to high school either, and I’m sure some of the girls in the B and C class are staying here, too.”

“Yes, I know,” Anne nodded, “but . . . well, you know what I mean.”

I knew exactly what Anne meant, and I was relieved that the three of us would stay together, too.

Shortly after break, Miss Moon told me to go and see Miss Richards in her office. I felt the blood drain from my face at the thought of having to go see the principal. I began to panic. Had Miss Moon somehow found out that Luc had helped me with my math homework and Mom with my essay?

“Come on then, child.” Miss Moon clapped her hands while I stayed frozen in my seat. “Miss Richards is waiting.”

I could feel the heat of twenty-nine pairs of eyes on me as I got up and walked through the classroom to the door. I wouldn’t even be out the door before I would be the topic of wild speculations.

The walk through the long corridor seemed endless until I arrived at the principal’s office, and tapped lightly on the milky glass door pane.

“Come in,” Miss Richard’s high-pitched voice instructed.

I opened the door a crack and peered at the principal sitting behind her desk. She looked beautiful, as always. Today she was wearing a bright pink jacket with a cream blouse and a bow at her throat; her gray, silvery blond hair fell in waves around her face.

“Ah, Lily, I’ve been expecting you,” Miss Richards said cheerfully. “Let me just put these things away and then we can go to the music room.”

The music room? I wondered. Why did I have to go to the music room?

Moments later. I hurried after Miss Richards, whose high heels were click-clacking on the black and white linoleum floor. When we entered the music room, there was Miss Matthews sitting by the piano.

“Here she is,” Miss Richards announced as she took me by the hand and led me to the piano. “Your problem is about to be solved.”

I looked from one to the other. What were Miss Richards and Miss Matthews talking about?

“Lily, my dear,” Miss Matthews said, taking my other hand. “As you know, the school pageant will be performed on Friday, the last day of school.”

I nodded. I knew about the pageant; I was in a dance number, together with all the other girls in class. We had been rehearsing three times a week for the past month. I was looking forward to it.

“Linda was going to sing in the pageant,” Miss Matthews continued, “but

Linda has come down with a cold and so I need a replacement.” I nodded. I knew Linda and thought she had a beautiful voice.

“I actually wanted you,” Miss Matthews went on, “but you were already chosen for the dance number, and so I had to find someone else. However, now that Linda can’t do the number . . .”

I caught on quick. Miss Matthews wanted me to replace Linda? Panic gripped my heart, and I opened my mouth to protest, but no sound would come out.

“Something wrong, Lily?” Miss Matthews asked. She couldn’t help but notice my eyes frozen in terror.

“I . . . I . . . the — the dance,” I stammered. “I — I . . . want to do the dance.”

“But, my dear,” Miss Matthews said, taking both my hands into hers. “In the dance number you are one of thirty girls; nobody will notice you, but if you sing for me you will be alone on stage. Everyone will see and hear you.”

I didn’t want to be alone on the stage. I wanted to be with the others, and I wanted to dance.

“You think about it,” Miss Matthews said. “In the meantime, let’s pick a number, shall we? We only have a few days left to rehearse.”

Miss Matthews let go of my hands and turned towards the piano. “What would you like to sing? How about ‘Little Bird in the Treetop?’ The song has quite a few high notes, but I remember you reached them effortlessly.”

When Miss Matthews started to play, I recognized the song but remained silent. Miss Matthews started the opening notes again. When I again let my cue go by, Miss Matthews stopped playing and turned to me.

“What is the matter, Lily?”

I felt shy. It was fine singing in a group, but I didn’t like singing alone.

“Lily, you have a beautiful voice,” Miss Matthews encouraged. “Don’t you know that?”

I shook my head.

“You don’t? You see your report card every week, don’t you?” I nodded.

“Well then, you must have seen that you get an A+ every week in music class.”

I had seen the weekly mark but hadn’t thought anything of it. I figured Miss Matthews was in a good mood when she gave those marks or perhaps confused. There had been mistakes in the past.

“Come on, now. I’m going to start again; you are going to sing the words. Are you ready?”

This time I joined the music on cue and saw how Miss Matthews looked up at Miss Richards with a smile. They were both smiling while looking rather pleased.

When I got back to class, I was once again the center of attention. I could see the questions in the other girls’ eyes. Why had I been called to the principal’s office? What had I done? What was going on?

The others might be wondering, but Anne came straight to the point.

“Why did Miss Richards want to see you?” she hissed, as soon as I sat down. “She wants me to sing in the pageant,” I whispered.

“Oh.”

“You don’t seem very surprised.”

“Of course not, you have a beautiful voice.”

“I do?”

“Sure,” Anne nodded. “Don’t you know that?” I shrugged.

“You don’t look pleased.”

With another shrug, I said, “I’d rather stay in the dance number.”