Pronouns: who are they good for? Absolutely everyone
By: Re Fab
Tags: Queer, Nonbinary, Pronouns, Allyship, LGBTQ

Pronouns are the words we use in place of someone’s name, they are the “he, she, they, you” that we use in place of referring to specific people. Pronouns are a hot topic right now, as we as a society develop our understanding of who we are.

Pronouns are easy to assume, aren’t they? But as bi+ people, we know all too well the dangers of assumption. People with attraction to more than one gender (who we love) or those of us with a non-conforming gender expression (how we look), already get that often language is used to ignore us or our identities. Often it comes in the form of LGBT brands or organisations who ignore the B part; and the T part for that matter, or it could be that bisexuals are chosen to pick a side, or pansexual people are called too complicated. None of that should be happening.

Shared understanding of why pronouns are important, and accurate pronouns are essential, is a good place to start.

Pronouns aren’t just for the misgendered

Too often, people are assigned pronouns that someone else decides are correct. Though this isn’t a problem for a many cisgender (identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth) people, who get to, largely, ignore this issue because it doesn’t affect them. But for trans and non-binary people, as well as those of don’t conform to unwritten rules about gender expression, getting misgendered (addressed with a gender term that doesn’t suit how you identity) can be a jarring or upsetting experience.

One of the ways in which those of us who support people who get misgendered, particularly transgender and non-binary folks, can help is to share our pronouns. Typically, the only people who have to tell someone what their pronouns are are those who are misgendered. That sounds tiring, and probably a fair bit irritating. Having to keep being the one person to remind the gaggle of gays that they are bi and not gay does grate after a while. What we can use in those scenarios is an ally. Someone who says, “by the way, they’re bi”. So why not be the ally for those who are misgendered by opting to share your pronouns, and in doing so normalise the practice.

Adding your pronouns to social media bios and email signatures

Sharing your pronouns on social media is one of the ways in which you can normalise the sharing of pronouns, particularly if you are cisgender or someone who doesn’t get misgendered. Adding “Pronouns are: she/her/hers” to your Twitter bio is a little way of showing support.

Similarly you can add the same phrasing into the signature of your email. If someone already knows your pronouns, or have assumed them from your name or picture, then this isn’t interesting information to them. But to someone who might worry about being misgendered, it could help they feel they can share their pronouns with you ahead to time to avoid any issues.

They/them might not make “grammatical sense” yet

Any English Language student you meet will likely mention that using “they/them” pronouns can sound bit odd, because it doesn’t make grammatical sense. What they should be saying is “they/them doesn’t make grammatical sense yet, I guess this is another of a billion changes to our language that we’ll all get used to soon”.

No language is fixed. If it was, we wouldn’t be able to talk about our daily lives at all. What would we call a computer, a pop-up restaurant, a flat white coffee? Language evolves with the needs of the people who use it, that is the wonderful thing about language.

“They/them”, like Ms or Mx before it, is a way for a person to be addressed in a more accurate and therefore more comfortable way. Many women didn’t want to be either Miss or Mrs, because it brought their marital status to the forefront, hence the use of the alternative Ms or Mx, the latter also being picked up by non-binary people.

If you struggle with the use of they/them, that’s okay. But once you start to use they and them as pronouns, you’ll find that they don’t feel as incorrect as you once thought. In fact, they will come to make as much sense as she and him and you and I. If we can get used to using “google” as a verb, we can use “they” as a pronoun.