The One Skill Every Leader Needs to Master
By: Christian Muntean
Tags: Leadership Development, Executive Coaching, New Perspective, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Skills

A story goes that at one time, the Phrygian people had no ruler. An oracle prophesied that the next man who entered the city on an oxcart would be the king.

A peasant named Gordius was that next man. Upon riding into town on an oxcart he was declared king. Out of gratitude, he dedicated his oxcart to his god.

His son, Midas (Yes! That Midas!), took the oxcart and tied it to a post in commemoration. He used an intricate knot, made of tree bark. This knot was comprised of a series of complicated smaller knots.

No one could untie it because the number of individual knots themselves made it impossible to see how the larger knot was fastened.

For centuries, the cart remained there. Tied to the post. A reminder.

At some point, the Phrygian people were again without a king. Another oracle declared that whoever could untie the knot would rule all of Asia. A young man named Alexander liked the sound of that.

Some say he lifted the post out of the ground and slipped the knot off. Others say he took his sword and cut the knot in half. Either way, he found a simple solution to untying the Gordian Knot.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Leaders Are Faced with Gordian Knots

I was asked to help a group with an issue they were stuck on. They were divided into factions on a topic. And they had been for a long time. Over a decade in fact.

The topic was important and it generated strong opinions. But no one believed that a solution was possible. In fact, a number of people tried to “pre-let-me-off-the-hook” by telling me I shouldn’t hope to find a solution. Just “the fact that we are talking” was good enough. “Any progress” would be a win.

Given the low bar set before me — I excitedly accepted their offer.

We set aside a day to meet. Before meeting, I asked the leaders of the group a lot of questions.

When we finally met with the full group — I asked more questions. Then I helped them ask each other questions.

Through those questions, they found the answer to their problem before lunch.

Their surprise was tangible. They had untied their Gordian Knot and almost couldn’t believe it.

The Power of Questions

The right questions provided focus. I didn’t have an answer for them. They needed to get clarity and make a decision. Good questions helped them break free from the complicated, circular, or confusing conversations they had been stuck in.

There are many tricks of the trade of asking good questions. But here is a handful of work-horse techniques that will take you a long way — especially when problem-solving.

How to Untie Gordian Knots With Good Questions

Identify and Separate the Issues: What’s going on here? If you’ve ever tried to untie a real knot, you know it helps to know how many different pieces of string make up the knot.

Most issues that people wrestle with are described as if they were one problem. One issue. In fact, they are often dealing with multiple issues that have somehow become entwined.

Taking the time to identify each of the “pieces of string” that make up the knot — makes it much easier to resolve.

Reframe as questions: “What is the main question(s) that we need answered?” For example, reframe:

“We never understand what is really wanted” to “How can expectations be clarified on a consistent basis?”

“I don’t understand what her job is and she always seems to be telling my team what to do.” Instead ask, “What are our roles and responsibilities?”

“He’s a jerk. He’s patronizing and sarcastic.” To: “What behaviors help you feel respected?”

An issue, on its own, often sounds like a complaint. It invites defensiveness or shuts down creativity. But a question can invite an answer.

Tackle each issue on its own. It may seem like it will take a lot of time — but you’ll find it is actually much faster than what you’ve already been doing. To start tackling those, take the next step of understanding the interests behind the issue.

Identify Interests: What makes this important to you? Interests are the deep underlying motivations or desires that we each have. Most people actually share very common interests and are unaware of this. However, they are very aware of their conflicting ways of pursuing those interests.

When you’ve had the conversations described above, the interests usually start to emerge.

For example: “It seems that you both want to serve the customer well. It also seems that you both want to clearly know what to expect from each other and for there to be consistency. Last, it seems that you both would like to be treated with respect. Could we say that you both want: Good customer service, clear expectations, consistency and to be treated with respect?”

Identifying interests is the problem-solving equivalent of Alexander realizing he didn’t need to figure out the knot. Whether you metaphorically pull the post out of the ground or pick up a sword — identifying interests makes creating a lasting solution much easier.

Solutions and Commitment: What could help you both consistently get what you want?

If the work has been done above — This is where people usually brainstorm and spitball ideas around. But instead of doing it in a way that seems to neglect the interests of the other side — there is a greater tendency to try to satisfy the interests of each side.

Out of all the ideas — the group can being to identify the ones they want to move forward with.

I like to ask follow-up questions to secure commitment. I do this because people don’t like conflict and the minute things feel better they often assume that they are better. So, I test this with questions:

To what degree do you feel that these solutions will solve the original problem?

How do we address any percentage that feels unresolved?

What can we see that might undermine or challenge our success moving forward?

What behaviors or practices do we both need to commit to — to make this work?

What do we agree to do if we start to feel confusion or friction again?

Most Problems are Solvable (but not with the kind of thinking that created them)

On a regular basis, I help leaders and teams solve old problems. Largely because I help them look at the problem differently. This allows once hidden solutions to emerge.

Most of this is accomplished by asking questions.

If the answers you believe you have aren’t working, stop trying to make them work. Instead, try asking new questions. You might be surprised at the knots you can untie.

Take good care,

Christian