My Battle with Impostor Syndrome
By: Kailey Walters
Tags: Books, Authors, Believe In Yourself, Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome: a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success (Merriam-Webster)

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Many of you are probably familiar with impostor syndrome in your own lives in one way or another. I’ve been grappling with it for a long time, but I became very aware of its presence during the process of writing In His Eyes.



I’ve always dreamed I could write a novel. After all, that’s the beautiful thing about having a dream — you feed it and nurture it no matter how foolish or out of reach it seems. When I had the opportunity to write In His Eyes, I didn’t doubt that I could at least get enough words down on the page to produce a novel-length work. In February, I embarked on the book journey bright-eyed and hopeful. Now, having published the book, I’m very happy I managed to retain most of that optimism and excitement — because that, along with the immense support I received, has been instrumental in getting me to this point.



But I can’t forget that I’ve also experienced many doubts thanks in large part to impostor syndrome.



My first big obstacle came early in the process when I needed to publicize the fact that I was writing a book. First of all, I don’t post often on social media except to change my profile picture once every two or three years. Second, my publisher tasked me with not only posting an announcement but also reaching out individually to thank every single person who liked, commented, or shared my post. It was absolute overload for my introverted brain. I thought, How am I supposed to reach out to so many people? What should I even say? I’m not outgoing enough to do this. People will think I’m weird. In the end, I wrote a post on Facebook and waited for a few likes and comments. Unsurprisingly, many people who engaged with my post were good friends of mine. Reaching out to thank them individually was not very difficult because I already had frequent contact with them or was comfortable speaking with them anyway. Others who engaged with my post included acquaintances whom I didn’t know very well and people I hadn’t spoken to in years whose lives I now knew nothing or very little about. While reaching out to them was more difficult at first, I quickly found that it gave me the chance to start a conversation with them and either begin a new friendship or catch up on each other’s lives. Talking about my book with different people also made me realize that others were truly excited for me and wanted to see me succeed. Everyone’s support so early in the process gave me the motivation and energy I needed to continue on my journey.



I was struck again by impostor syndrome when I began fundraising for my pre-sale campaign in July and August. I had the daunting task of raising $5,000 in one month. I thought, That’s a lot of money in a really short amount of time. What if everyone seemed excited in the beginning but doesn’t care enough to actually buy my book? The paperback version is $39. Who in their right mind would pay that much for a book written by an unknown author? What if I’m the only one (among my cohort of fellow authors) who can’t raise enough money to meet my goal? These thoughts swam around and around in my head for the better part of a month, intensifying when I saw on social media that some of my fellow authors had reached their goals in only two weeks when I hadn’t even reached half of my goal. I wondered if I was doing something wrong, if I was missing some kind of magic tool. I was worried that after all the writing I had done, all the heart and soul I’d poured into my book, it would be for nothing if I couldn’t raise enough money to get it to publication.



Despite the negative thoughts in my head, I was persistent in reaching out to many different people within my limited networks to gauge their interest in pre-ordering my book. Support from friends and family continuously fueled my persistence and determination, and the kindness and generosity of both strangers and people I hadn’t spoken with in a while gave me hope. By the time the campaign ended, I had met and exceeded my original goal. I was, and still am, utterly amazed by the response from my backers and knew that a huge part of the campaign’s success was due to others’ incredible generosity and God’s goodness.



As I’ve now segued into the stage of getting my published book out into the world, I am still afflicted with impostor syndrome. I wonder, Will anyone else beyond my friends and family want to read this? Will my book fade into oblivion after a few weeks or months? But I’m trying not to let these doubts overcome me. I’ve learned throughout this journey that other people believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. I’ve made it this far. And I intend to keep going, pushing back against impostor syndrome at every corner I turn with the support and love that others have shown me.