If Your Life Feels Incomplete Without a Romantic Relationship, Start Here
By: Renata Gomes
Tags: Self Improvement, Love, Life Lessons, Relationships, Self

If Your Life Feels Incomplete Without a Romantic Relationship, Start Here

You don’t have to like being single, but you don’t have to stop living over it.

Perhaps you’ve been single for a long time and you really enjoy it. You’re not in any rush to settle down, nor are you making a conscious effort to find someone. If someone special ever comes along, you’ll make some room for them, but until then, what’s the rush?

If you’re single and wouldn’t change a thing about your life as it is, this story isn’t for you.

If you’re currently single and your life feels incomplete without a relationship, stay with me.

You feel as if life would be perfect if you weren’t on your own. The extra time and energy you don’t spend in a relationship, and that you could direct towards building a productive and fulfilling life, you waste feeling sorry for yourself and dreading a future in which you’re forever alone.

You’re not thriving, you’re withering.

If that’s how you feel, start here:

Mind the narrative

There’s a pervasive narrative in society that places romantic relationships at the peak of personal success. If you’re coupled, you’re better off than anyone who isn’t. If you’re coupled, you’re winning at life.

If you’re single, there must be something wrong with you. You must be so broken in some way or another, that nobody out there wants you.

We equate being single with being a loser, and being coupled with being validated. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

In reality, we all have our struggles, coupled or single. We all go through periods of darkness that no romantic relationship alone can make up for.

And the idea that your soulmate will complete you? That’s not true either. Being in a healthy relationship is great, but it’s not the One Secret to a perfect life.

You’re a full human by yourself. Perhaps a romantic partner can complement and add value to your life, but you don’t need a romantic partner to make you whole.

Accept that loneliness is part of life

Even coupled people feel lonely sometimes, and dealing with loneliness inside of a relationship is a particular challenge in itself.

The point is: you’re no different than anyone else because you’re lonely, and a relationship might not be the cure for your loneliness that you think it is.

Idealizing being in a relationship as meaning you’ll never be lonely again is another way to make you miserable single, and even more miserable when you’re finally coupled and realize the relationship isn’t everything you thought it would be.

Loneliness is part of life, but that doesn't mean you should suffer in silence. There are many things you can do to feel less lonely that don’t involve a romantic relationship, such as connecting with family and friends, volunteering, adopting a pet, and so on.

Therapy can also give you tools to handle loneliness better without feeling like you have to be in a relationship to do it.

Focus on the relationships you already have

You feel your life is incomplete without a romantic relationship, but that’s because you’re overlooking all the other relationships you already have with your family and friends.

“People who stay single, social scientists have shown, typically have more friends and bigger social networks, and they do more to maintain their relationships with friends, relatives, neighbors, and coworkers than people who marry.” — Psychology Today

A Harvard study has found that maintaining good quality relationships improves quality of life, but the good news is these are not restricted to romantic relationships: maintaining a healthy network of friends is just as helpful to your well-being.

So get moving and start connecting with people.

Care for another living being

Adopting a pet won’t solve all your problems. Just like having children, having a dog or a cat won’t stave off loneliness, but caring for another living being can shift your focus out of your relationship status and into something meaningful.

Worrying about another living being is a great antidote against self-pity, as it helps you not worry about your own life as much.

If adopting a pet isn’t for you, try volunteering at a shelter, or perhaps take it one step further and volunteer to work with underprivileged children. Volunteering is great because it allows you to get involved helping others without completely reshaping or upending your life.

Enjoy the opportunity to develop yourself

Being single is a great opportunity to focus on your own goals and self-development.

You don’t have to go as far as thinking having a partner is a burden to appreciate how high you can fly when you fly solo. Simply take a moment to enjoy how great it is to be able to set your own rules and live by your own personal code.

If your life feels incomplete without a relationship, remind yourself you’re complete just as you are. Reconnect with your childhood dreams and projects and invest in them: they will reveal your true identity in ways you will never forget.

Take a lighter approach to relationships

When you’re not afraid to be single, you handle breakups better.

If you’re too obsessed with why you’re not in a relationship yet, and when is it going to happen for you, you might get too attached to the first person who comes along — and who might not be the right person for you. Before you know it, you’re single again (and hurting) because you were too eager entering your last relationship.

Instead of endlessly searching for the The One, or worse, seeing The One in Anyone you meet, try taking a lighter approach to relationships. Lose your fear of being single so you don’t hurt as much with every breakup, and can focus on finding the right person for you instead of trying to turn the people you find into a good fit.

Stop fretting about the future, focus on living in the present

Studies have found that single women without children “are the ones who have invested in their social circles, so typically, they are not alone [as they get older].”

The situation isn’t as optimistic for men, who are known to rely on wives or girlfriends to maintain a social network. Married men in general are healthier than men who have never married, but if you’re a single man, don’t let the data scare you. On the contrary, use it to motivate you to adopt the healthy behaviors that keep married men healthy.

You don’t need a wife or girlfriend nagging you into taking better care of yourself — you can do it out of self-love.

Instead of fearing a future without a family or social connections, start building your own network right now. It’s in the present that you strengthen the relationships with the people that will be there for you in the future.