A Mother Becoming | Birth Story
By: Leeann Chisolm Morrissette
Tags: Birth, Induced Labor, Black Mother, Birth Story

Is it odd to say I knew the moment in which we conceived her? Because I do. It was the middle of May 2019, and my husband’s and my relationship had grown strain. As much as we were becoming undone, there was this energetic pull to hold on a little while longer — like the work between us was not quite done. A couple of weeks later as I anticipated my moon cycle, I felt a surge up my right breast. I knew it was happening. I rushed to the pharmacy to get a pregnancy test, and once it was confirmed, I called the woman who would become my doula, Andrea Blanton. I wanted my child’s birth to be a spiritual process not a medical procedure, and I knew Andrea could support that as well as meet me where I was at this particular time in my life.

My pregnancy was delightful although I groaned through the uncomfortable changes in my body and utter exhaustion I sometimes faced. And although my husband and I physically separated during this time, I discovered a deeper meaning of support as my community of friends and family gathered around and held me in the warmest and safest way. It was in these months that I grew to know love deeper than I had ever known.

I arrived at my 38 week check up feeling wonderful, a little impatient as I had work to get back to and a nursery to finish organizing. After checking my blood pressure a few times, my midwife instructed that I go to the hospital immediately. I laughed nervously, thinking to myself that this couldn’t be serious. It must be one of those false alarms you see in the movies, I thought. My midwife assured me that this was serious, and to call someone to pick me up at once. I called my husband and without any preparation or my hospital bag, we were on our way.

We were taken to a triage room where they put an IV in my arm, took my blood, and started monitoring my blood pressure. It was elevated and only getting higher, peaking at 182/110. I still felt fine, only anxious from being plugged up to machines in a cold hospital room. After a few hours of monitoring, the midwife on duty, Janet, came into the room and introduced herself. She sat down and told me calmly that I would need to be induced. That I had preeclampsia, and the only way to get my blood pressure back down to a healthy range was through having the baby.

I refused at first still in total disbelief. I had a plan for my birth. She would come by water, easefully and naturally. After a few moments of talking it through with my husband and midwife, I remembered that this was my child’s birth, and I had to surrender to how she had chosen to be born.

My doula and mother arrived that evening and along with my husband, setup the space. I felt gifted by the level of support I had around me, the phone calls I received, and the skyline that could be seen through my room window felt like a kiss from God herself.

The nurse and midwife encouraged me to take a magnesium sulfate drip to ward off a seizure or stroke. I refused again. While my defiance could have been seen as pure foolishness, I was still grasping to hold on to any part of my plan to have an empowered birthing experience. They told me the drip would likely make me dizzy and sick. All I could imagine was a delirious me not being present for the most magical moment of my life. As more time passed, I was warned that my blood pressure would most likely continue elevating after they induced my labor and it could be fatal.

Finally, I surrendered, remembering that surrender is power too.

Around 8PM that evening, the nurse gave me a pill to place underneath my tongue to induce labor and by 11PM, it had begun. The contractions were bearable at first, more uncomfortable than painful, but they kept me up through the night. At 4:20AM, I allowed myself to close my eyes, and I started calling upon my ancestors. One by one, I would say their name and envision them circling around me in my hospital bed. It was in this meditation, I felt a pop in my womb and a gush of water suddenly came pouring out. I woke up my husband to tell him to alert the nurse. My water broke.

The contractions got worse almost immediately. I wish I could describe it in words, but the pain was deeper than physical. It was terrifying and the only thing I could do was breathe. And I breathed deeply. I found a tone that helped me suffer through and I belted it with every contraction. As the hours progressed, I longed for rest, I couldn’t see how I was going to live through this experience and give birth to a child. I was desperate for relief and growing more and more delirious coming in and out of a dream state. My husband stayed with me the whole time, rubbing my back and coaching me through the pain until my doula returned later that morning. Around 11:30AM, my midwife entered my room with a few nurses in tow. It was time.

Although I was only 8cm dilated, she instructed me to start pushing. I pushed and I pushed, changing positions often and eventually taking off my hospital gown in a frustrated haste since I couldn’t unhook myself from all the machines that were monitoring me along with the magnesium drip. My midwife setup a birthing bar, wrapped and tied a bed sheet around it, gave my husband and me either sides and we pushed and pulled our child down the birth canal. I could tell she was almost out. I finally turned around on the bed, hands gripping either side of my pillow, squatting on my knees completely naked. I had avoided this position since Janet instructed me to start pushing. It felt too vulnerable, too exposed. But atlas, it was the posture I needed to let go. So I surrendered again. I pushed and pushed again and finally her head was out. After her shoulders emerged, my husband supported her as she came through earth side.

The moments were so long but when I look back, it all happened so fast. I still don’t have the words for the amount of gratitude I have for my community, my amazing midwife, my body. I feel like WE gave birth that day to a healthy and divine child. Three months later, Melanie Yahweh Morrissette is gorgeous, healthy and thriving.