Let me just pop in today to write a little something about Veterans Day, which just passed.
By: Morrigan S Way
Tags: Military, Army, Military Family, Veterans, PTSD

Let me just pop in today to write a little something about Veterans Day, which just passed. I had been reading and following a lot of other veterans posts online when something reached out and hit me and I wanted to comment here in the blog. I was always grateful for my service to this country and I always answered, “it was my pleasure” when someone would thank me for serving our country. But lately I have seen a book published by a veteran thanking the United States for his service and admonishing folks not to thank veterans. I didn’t pay it much mind since there’s a person that always wants to be different in any group and stand out for their ideas as unusual. But then this past Veterans Day I read an article posted by a veteran that was a clipping of a Washington post article saying about the same verbiage as this other person’s book. This, I have to say, raked across every nerve in my body for several reasons. First of all, the article said that those that had served should not see themselves as any different than anyone else. While I certainly don’t see myself as better than anyone else, I do know the riggers and hardships of training especially in basic training and am aware that there are many who try to pass and fail at this and do not see it as a judgement to count ourselves worthy of having passed such strenuous training challenges. It is, after all, an accomplishment just to see it through to the end and not quit like many do. It is a test of endurance and will power above all else because yes, many can succeed and pass basic training but there are many who don’t simply because they quit. They decide that they don’t want to be in the military. And that’s fine. It’s a personal decision being as though the military is all volunteers now. But to say that this particular accomplishment doesn’t make you any different than anyone else I think is a discredit to those that stuck in there and saw it through. Secondly, there was a time when it was not a volunteer military and the draft was enacted and many went and didn’t come back. Most did not want to go and when those that survived came back, they were spit on and yelled at and called names. They didn’t get adequate care for the mental health care they so desperately needed after being the ones to go over and fight for us. While the war can be called into question, as any can, the men and women that went were simply answering the call and risking their lives, and following orders. Now many go voluntarily to Iraq and Afghanistan answering the call without being drafted into it, risking their lives and perhaps never coming home and that is a huge sacrifice no matter what compensation they are given. There is no money that compensates for a life lost in my opinion yet they go regardless. They leave behind family that will worry every second they are gone and having been a military wife as well as a soldier I can tell you that both jobs are excruciatingly frustrating and worrisome. Now, finally the shroud of disgrace is no longer on their shoulders and American citizens are thanking them for their service and some nincompoop comes along and says don’t? What? That’s crazy. The military gave me so much and for that I am so grateful. But let me tell you, it cost me a lot more. It cost me my physical and mental health, and my family and friends. Don’t misunderstand what I mean by this. I am not complaining in the least. I knew what I signed up for and was ready for whatever came from that oath. I didn’t know how it would play out exactly but I would do it all again in a heartbeat and more if I were able. There’s not a day goes by since I was twenty years old that I don’t have debilitating back pain. That for me was horrible because I was an athlete and played tons of sports and my activity level was part of my identity. I hurt my back so severely in basic training that I had to take pain killers to make it out and on to my permanent duty station which upon arrival was scheduled for a major back surgery. I also had a drill sergeant attack me sexually in the army which shaped a lot of my view of men and myself. As well as my future. Things I didn’t realize were shaping my outlook on the world for something close to twenty years. #metoo had not happened yet and we didn’t want to do anything as female soldiers to draw attention to the fact that we were there and slowly fighting for our right to be there and not be thought of as a distraction for the men we worked with and worked under. It wasn’t exactly friendly yet for women to be mixed in with the men in deployment. Nobody dared say anything to give them a reason to see us as a problem versus an asset. It was the mid 90’s when I joined. As far as my family goes, when my ex husband deployed to Iraq during OIF IV in 2005, he came back a monster with PTSD. I didn’t know the man that returned home and we were soon separated, and then divorced. Our marriage, like so many other military marriages, did not survive the deployment. It’s something like a 70% divorce rate or at least it was at that time. Now I’ve moved all over the country most of my life and part of that was due to the military and it has its pros and cons. The cons being that I don’t have roots anywhere and those friendships that develop and sustain you over a long period of time were not there for me when I fell apart after my divorce. I had made so many wonderful friends that I was very close to while we were all stationed together but people move away in the military and you are always starting all over again at the beginning with friends, a home, a town every few years. The things that were pros were numerous. I adored seeing new things and meeting new people and trying new things. It was amazing to live in Germany for three years and I would have stayed in the Army twenty years if I hadn’t hurt my back. They take care of you like family and there is a camaraderie other people never understand because they haven’t been in the military. Hardship brings you together and you lean on one another through that. It forms right friendships forged in fire and strong to the core. But then those people move away. And one day, you get out. And the military isn’t your way of life anymore and that family isn’t there. That really was bad for me. I missed it immensely. It’s a culture of its own. So what I’m trying to say is, while I totally agree that the military gave me the ability to have a good job, meet good people, paid for my college and now takes care of my health as a veteran, it’s still okay to thank a vet for the things that came along with that package that weren’t the things anyone would want in their lives, like suicidal thoughts and depression, PTSD, failed marriages, being estranged from family that you never really got to live close to for years and years. When someone asks me where I’m from I say, “well I was military so I’ve lived all over.” Because these people don’t necessarily still have ties to home when they get out. I know I didn’t. It’s ok to acknowledge the crap that came with the job that no one wants to talk about. The pain and suffering that was all part of the job. It’s ok to thank them for doing it anyway, for sticking it out so that our country had someone to send when it needed a show of strength in the world. That’s just a wonderful feeling when someone thanks me, and I see that they know it came with a price. For me it was my health and marriage. For others it was their life or limb. For many it’s their sanity. For most it’s their close ties to their home. Yeah it was good, great even. I say it was the best decision I ever made for my life. But it came at a heavy cost. It’s good that people want to thank those that paid that. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not appreciated when you say thank you to a vet.