Reflecting On The Basics…
By: Hal Lanfear Iv
Tags: Love, Respect, God, Family, Moms

We are all hustling and grinding in our own worlds. Trying to better ourselves and improve life for our families. But it’s really about more than that. I recently took a business trip out of the country without my wife and kids. The night before leaving, my mind was racing and I woke up having a bad dream. I decided to send my three kids an email around 3 a.m. in the morning.

The exact email is below:

I want you guys to know that I love you and no matter what, I am super proud of each of you, I will be home before you know it, so have some fun. Some things that I want you to remember and it’s really important to me.

You have it already figured out. Each of you are on a good path right now, stay on it. It’s all about being you, be true to your heart, loving life and not wasting time, none of us have time, build those relationships and make them count, life is too damn short. Hunting — It’s more about the outdoors than anything, think about all the movies I have shown you to date, so many of them have to do with the outdoors and survival, this is your differentiator from the general population of people and civilians. It’s going to be very important for your overall health to get outdoors, to walk, to stalk, to hunt, to sneak, to be out as part of the wilderness, as part of the way you deal with the grind of the city, with the stresses and with reality. The outdoors will heal you and make you whole. The tranquility and time out there is your meditation. Be true to your core! Fun — Have as much fun as you can, when you can and when you think you can’t anymore, try to get away from those people and go find some friends or people you can have fun with, as life is too short not to truly laugh, at a minimal in your own home. Love — God only knows love like we want to know love. Love like there are no borders, love like there are no rules, love like nobody is watching, just love, whatever the purest form for you is at that moment in your life, please love and love all the way, don’t stop! Laugh — If I have not taught each of you laughter, I really messed up, but I have tried, some of you are more successful with this topic, laughter is a pure feeling/emotion and should remain that way, it should be used often but you have to choose your audience as it’s powerful. Everyone enjoys being around a person with a sense of humor. Live — Just live, live like nobody is watching, who cares, live like you are in the jungle, live like you are surviving, live like you are the boss, live like you are the CEO, live like you are running things, live like you want to live. Just always remember, life is shorter than it should be, be you, and be you often. Authentic — Don’t be fooled by the buzz words and for those trying to be “real” — be that person that people want to be around, because you give a shit, you care, you want them to be successful without any repayments, you want to make more people win and make society better. You want to naturally pay it forward! Grind — You need to grind, nothing is handed to you, if you are not grinding, you are not in the right space, you should be fighting your way to the top, you should be the best at what you do, best at what you offer and part of that is learning through experience. Grit — This is not necessarily a quality or trait that everyone learns. It’s a fact, don’t read about it, live it. Be knocked down, experience what it feels like to be leveled, to be humbled, to be bloody and to rise again, to spit the dirt out and to grab a hold of whatever is around you to survive and win. Grit is more about the person than the damn buzzword, Grit: whether people realize it or not is why freaking cross fit even became popular. It’s about being pushed and pushed further than you can admit you are comfortable with but surviving and coming back for more. It’s about consistently pushing yourself in life. Love — Love again, because that first time you are really just figuring it all out. The second time or third time or at some point you will know, it will hit you square and you will not believe the amazing, literally mind blowing difference between this time and the many past times. Fight — Fight for what you believe in, be polished, be educated, be knowledgeable, know your craft, have purpose, create productive members of society, but fight for what you believe in, standby others that represent your beliefs because there may be only a few of them out there. All that said, walk away, in today’s society it is much more respected in my opinion to walk away from most of these battles, there is too much risk out there that can be cancerous to your cause. Think about your end game, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Children — Have them if you can. Do it, don’t let anyone stop you, if you can be lucky enough to have one, try to have 2 or 3, I will tell you any number beyond that will be extremely busy. It’s as simple as that, but this is why we are here, we are here to fall in love and to create more amazing people. If for some reason you do not feel you are ready for this, do not have kids, go get a dog and take care of that dog and treat that dog like a child, do not bring a child into the world that you are not ready to dedicate many many hours and time to in order to help them to be successful and productive members of society. Be the best parent and friend you can be, the time will go by quickly! God — Yes, there is a God. He has challenged me, we have met, we have battled, we have struggled, I have had choice words with God. He has picked me for many assignments, he has roped in my wife and impacted my life. God has impacted my children and altered my life. But I believe that all of these things; whether at the time I was realizing it or not were all for a reason. This is all a mystery, but I do believe in it. There is no way otherwise…sometimes that road ahead does not make sense, you do not understand why you are on it, who you have crossed or what the future holds, but what you do is continue to look forward, focus forward and grind it out. That’s all you can do. Whether it’s prison, a hole or any other situation that you are put in, you fight through that and get back to home as soon as you possibly can. Family — Simply put, family is the reason you are here. Your family should be of the highest importance to you now and forever. At some point, you will have your own family, but your parents and siblings will forever remain with the highest regard. Nobody comes between family and as they say “blood is thicker than water” but do not be blind. Do not let family determine your destiny, you need to choose your battles, get your own background and history before making critical decisions. Always research before passing any sort of possible judgement. Respect — You do not know which one of your neighbors served in the military, you do not know who is hurting for money, or which one is looking for food to put on their table. You cannot appreciate the fear in some households over abuse and other extremely sad situations. You cannot know the amount of cancer and other illnesses that cause so many problems in people’s lives, so respect people for who they are. Give them that extra chance and if the problem persists, you know enough to make a decision based on above. Mom — Your Mom is a very special person. The girl/woman that you fall in love with one day could very possibly become the mother of your children. This is something to take oh so seriously as it is final. Every decision you make has a reaction. This is one of those situations that can impact you forever. In your case, your Mom is an absolutely amazing person, she levels me with her eyes and I believe in my heart that I married my dream girl. This is the woman that I aspired to be with, that I looked for everywhere that I went and that I simply could not find. This is the kind of person that you watch movies about and that you read about in books and that you hear about in songs. When you know that you came across this type of person in your life, you do whatever you can do to hold onto them. This is such a special moment. Your mom will play such a critical role in your lives, a person, a mom, a partner, an advisor, a guide, a friend, a companion, a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, a champion, a fan, a supporter, a listener but more than anything they are your Mom. Dance, Sing and Play an Instrument — Figure out at least one of these three, be different than your other pals that are too macho to dance with their girl. Girls love to dance, they are so happy to be out there and be free, go dance with them! Be that one guy at the bar that can sing karaoke and carry a tune or just sing, even if you can’t carry a tune. Learn to play the guitar or some instrument, you can always pick it up around a bonfire and even if you only know 2–3 songs, everyone will sing with you. Brothers — Siblings have special bonds, I’m sure sisters have this as well, but I only know what it feels like to have brothers. You guys are lucky. Brothers will be there with you to the end. Some people join fraternities and organized military organizations to find this same type of brotherhood, some join gangs and become bikers. You have a natural connection and trust between you guys that will last forever. Do not abuse this, cherish that bond. Take care of each other, respect each other and carry each other to the finish line and beyond. Mentor — Mentor more, pay it forward, share your stories, introduce someone to some great classic movies. Maybe one day you will be fortunate enough to have kids and you can share some of your thoughts with them.

I love you, I am proud of you and please take care of Mom and each other, always and forever. It will be interesting to see if you guys read this note as I know email isn’t as popular for your generations.

Dad

*this very personal note was originally shared on linkedin here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reflecting-basics-hal-lanfear-iv/