Unmasked by a Pandemic — Why Being Yourself is the Hardest Thing These Days.
By: Divyata Rajaram
Tags: Isolation, Human Behavior, Society And Culture, Psychology, Social Media

The air is heavy with droplets of infection but its clearly not the only thing that is making us sick during the time of the Corona Virus. There are also the droplets of apathy , self obsession , hypocrisy and a smugness that makes itself evident at this time. And it is sickening the very fabric of our society. In these troubled times, there is a burning need to stay relevant at any cost and combat Quarantines and Lockdowns with an over zealous presence on Social media . Perhaps this is the only way one can stay sane and be heard .

Why is everyone trying harder than ever to make their presence felt?

Clearly, the masks we wear are not only to combat a virus but perhaps to combat anonymity and a sense of abandonment as well.

I watched a quiet cousin , I had known all my life as a quiet ,reserved and intensely private individual suddenly get his act together and begin to share a plethora of posts from music to food to books to every other interest of his. There were photographs of everything from a new jacket that he had just pulled out of his closet , to the Creme Brulee he’d tried his hand at making . Songs , recipes , books read ,critiques of Govt policy …they were all par for the course. And then began the slow and painful journey of waiting to see how folks would react and the cringe worthy feeling of being ignored when they didn’t.

There are no clear rulebooks on how to play this game and ambiguity and uncertainty are bound to shadow an action which is in clear contrast to your otherwise reticent personality once the mask has dropped.

For a society that greatly values perception over reality thanks to the allure of digital media, the current pandemic is the final nail in the coffin of authenticity . Maintaining a seemingly robust public persona has become a heady and addictive drug for confident as well as socially awkward folks alike. And the new norms of maintaining social distance also dictate that getting noticed and staying relevant is all that matters as our social landscape is altered beyond our imagination and at breakneck speed.

The pain of being ignored at these times almost outstrips the ill effects of the Virus itself that has forced us to go underground. If you have nothing to say , dont say it . But in the Digital age , this is perceived to be suicidal .

If you DO NOT say something , DO NOT have an opinion and DO NOT share it , you have ceased to exist.

I began to look closer at the few brave souls who still stayed offline , regardless of fading into oblivion. My 96 year old grandmother is one. To her the best part of her day is still the phone call or visit from a loved one. Conversations that happen in real time and not through Facetime or Zoom or any other app. Conversations that are still peppered with loud laughter and end with a physical hug…and even if one isnt able to hug anymore , its the deep comfort in knowing that someone still really cares by the gleam in their eyes and the warmth of their smile.

Is it possible that many of us are welcoming the social distance then to hide our true selves behind the masks of social media? This way noone has to be subjected to the true anxieties and insecurities that plague you everyday. You are always prepped and primed for perfection. Who cares if its isnt real.

Ofcourse the internet has rewarded those who truly want isolation with a perfectly legitimate way to stay distant and yet connected. But its also strangely morphing the way in which we connect and forcing us to project a persona and a situation that is artificial and contrived.

This is not helping us combat our feelings of social isolation . .its just forcing us further apart. After all there’s nothing that makes you feel more alone than the need to pretend to be somebody else all the time.

So it is ok to go offline at times , just doing what you love best — gardening , reading or making that favourite recipe. There’s no burning need to share the times you spend actually doing the things you love and no necessity to constantly seek ratification through sharing .

Infact it could help you to ignore and be ignored by the internet at large whenever you feel the need to connect with noone but yourself. That world will still be there for you when you get back. And in the meantime , think of all the glorious things you will finally pay attention to …the smell of freshly brewed coffee , walks with your dog , painting the fence you never thought you’d get round to , planting a new avocado sapling in your garden. Do it for yourself and know that nobody is watching .

Perhaps someday soon you’ll realize that was the best part.

Divyata Rajaram