My Cats Lecture
By: Joanna Mckee
Tags: Cats, Musical Theater

I wrote this as a long email in November 2019 to defend the musical Cats to my friends who didn’t know anything about Cats, other than the fact that Tom Hooper’s miserable adaptation was about to descend upon us.

Simple facts.

I’m here to explain my passions

You don’t get Cats? Neither did Hal Prince.

Musical Theater isn’t for everyone and Cats most certainly isn’t for everyone (despite it running for 18 years on Broadway so clearly it’s for some people) but it would be wrong of me to let this movie come out in a month’s time without sending some context and clips to argue that YES there is some ARTISTRY to Cats.

In this lecture we will dive into a brief overview of Cats — what is Cats? Where is Cats? How is Cats? Who is Andrew Lollo Baloney? But they’re cats? And why? And it ran for eighteen fucking years?

So before Cats was a musical, it was a collection of poems by T.S. Eliot (Missouri’s own!), published in 1939 and titled Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. They were just a fun set of poems about all these different cats with funny names and personalities, and written with an audience that included kids, versus some of Eliot’s other more adult/melancholic work. Eliot’s most famous work is probably The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, which you can also listen to Jeremy Irons read if you’d like!

(If you want to read a genius person’s introduction to Cats that also includes a really fascinating dive into TS Eliot’s poetry and racism, then there is always Jia Tolentino’s New Yorker article, which was one of a hundred Cats-related pieces of content that came out in the lead up to Hooper’s film but is, I think, the best one.)

So fast forward to the 70s, when British composer Andrew Lloyd Webber and lyricist Tim Rice are enjoying a great success on the musical front — before Cats hits, Andrew and Tim have collaborated on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (1968), Jesus Christ Superstar (1970) and Evita (1976) — a lot of people like to hate on ALW and if they give him credit for anything, I’ve found that it’s usually JCS or Evita (as if Starlight Express doesn’t exist!?).

Look at these guys. I can’t.

So Tim Rice actually doesn’t have anything to do with Cats because there are no lyrics to write — well, sort of. Most likely he just doesn’t want anything to do with this. I could open another window and google an answer to this but I don’t feel like it (and don’t worry, he goes on to create Chess with the guys from ABBA). Andrew decides he wants to take TS Eliot’s poems and set them to song and dance — that’s really it. So he goes to TS Eliot’s widow, Valerie Eliot, to get the rights. Here’s two accounts from ALW about that which I think are important to also understanding some of the artistry to Cats.

WEBBER: Many years ago, I understand, from his widow who’s still alive, that Walt Disney wanted to make them as a film. I think 1947, 1948, but he didn’t want to do it then because he felt they would become too pretty. I remember when I first went to see her. I was terrified because I thought no way would she let me have the rights and she said to me all the things that I wanted to hear about how he really thought they were street cats. Like I said, well, that’s how they should be. That’s why we have to do them and it’s — she’s been a phenomenal help because she’s produced many unpublished letters and sort of illusions to cats in other writings of his that I don’t think we would have ever found without her. [Source]

“When I went to see Valerie Eliot, TS Eliot’s widow, to ask whether or not I could have the rights to make a musical out of Cats, one of the things she said is ‘I don’t want them turned into pussycats’ and I said Well that’s not what we had in mind. She said, well the thing was that Tom, that’s TS Eliot, turned down Disney you know because he didn’t want them to be pussy cats or turned into cartoon cats. I then said, rather sort of, you know, taking up my courage, well I was sort of seeing them a little more like Hot Gossip and ‘yes yes’ she said, ‘I think Tom would have liked that.’” [Source]

INTERESTING QUOTES IN THE WAKE OF THIS UPCOMING ADAPTATION, but you know what Andrew cares for more than artistic integrity? Money. And who doesn’t. I mean, the man wrote a fucking sequel to Phantom of the Opera. He’s done.

And what’s this Hot Gossip he mentions? A dance group from the 1980s. Here’s a wild music video for the song “I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper” where they dance in the background:

I know I’m linking to a lot of videos but if you’re only going to watch one of them, I mean, maybe it should be this one. Singer/star in the video is Sarah Brightman who met Andrew Lloyd Webber when she was cast as Jemima in the original London production of Cats, married him, divorced him, and originated the role of Christine in his other smash musical hit, The Phantom of the Opera. (Jia Tolentino’s brilliant New Yorker article also delves into this more, and by “this” I mean how everyone on the creative team was just getting hitched to someone they worked with on Cats).

Remember that quote, “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain?” Well, in some ways, that’s Cats — it’s become a go-to cliche and easy to mock, but when it came out in 1981 the musical theater scene was a different beast, especially on the West End. And there was no Cats. There was nothing like Cats. I don’t think Cats gets characterized as bold or artsy but you know what? You could fucking say so. I’m not because I’m not a musical theater expert/historian. But hey, let’s see what expert/historian wikipedia has to say:

This is how they divide history: BC — Before Cats — and AD — Andrew Dominant.

— Mark Steyn on the history of musical theatre. Despite mixed reviews when Cats opened in New York in 1982, critics agreed that it was innovative and visually spectacular in ways that Broadway had never seen before.[303] The musical became a cultural phenomenon and has had a profound influence on the medium.[311] Cats established musical theatre as a global commodity,[312][313] marking the beginning of a new era in the industry that is characterised by huge global stakes for potentially even huger global profits.[312] It led the shift in the Broadway market towards big-budget blockbusters and shows that appeal to families and tourists,[88][314] which in turn left smaller productions struggling to compete.[313] Cats also ushered in a “golden age of British musicals” which saw West End exports dominate the industry for nearly two decades.[315][316] Musical theatre historian Vagelis Siropoulos asserted that in terms of impact, the “seminal Broadway opening” of Cats was “comparable only to Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Oklahoma! thirty nine years ago.”[312]

Basically, Cats is like the Iron Man (2008) of the Musical Theater world. Cue Martin Scorsese joke.

So in 1981, Cats premieres on the West End with music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, lyrics by TS Eliot god rest his soul, choreography by Gillian Lynne, and some supplemental lyrics/tweaking provided by Richard Stilgoe and musical director Trevor Nunn — most notably in regards to Memory, maybe the whole reason that this show got as much fame and attention as it did.

WEBBER: They’re marvelous, marvelous poems. They’re really about us. They’re about human beings, except that he fills us with cat analogies and Eliot was obsessed by cats. In some of his most famous poems, you find there are little cat references. In Prufrock, the fog becomes a cat.

That’s right! A super important element to cats? Is recognizing the humanity within these characters!

DID YOU HEAR THAT TOM HOOPER!??!?!!?!??!!??!?!?

IT’S ABOUT THE FUCKING HUMANITY.

Here’s the trailer from the most recent touring production of Cats if you’d like to get a look at what the show actually… looks like.

So we know how the show happened and we know that it happened, but what is this hack show about and Joanna, why do you even care?

Cats is basically that Susan Boyle episode of Britain’s Got Talent. That’s like, the most succinct summary I can give.

To expand on that — as we know, Cats a collection of poems set to song and dance, formulating in a kind of musical revue and therefore light on plot. But the general framework is that it’s the night of the “Jellicle Ball,” where cat leader Old Deuteronomy “announces the cat who can now be reborn and come back to a different Jellicle life” (if you’re already hung up on Jellicle then this show might not be for you). So every cat gets a moment where it’s their song and they sing about how great they are in an effort to prove themselves (Britain’s Got Talent), and then you’ve got Grizabella (Susan Boyle) who shows up and sings “Memory” (“I Dreamed a Dream”) which gets all the other cats to realize what shallow bitches they all are (the Britain’s Got Talent audience and judges).

Arguably another “plot” “point” is that there’s an ~evil~ cat called Macavity the Mystery Cat and his song is the Best.

Idris why!

Since we’re already talking about Grizabella, let’s talk about “Memory.” If we decide to plow forwards with the theory that there is a narrative to Cats, then “Memory” is the climax of that plot. This show probably ran as long as it did because of “Memory.” “Memory” is so good that they sing it like five times during the show. That’s an exaggeration but also not really.

MAMIE!!!!!!

God, she kills me. Talk about breath control. No really talk to me about it because I don’t know what it is, I just know it’s what other people say in response to that clip.

Okay so what’s the deal with “Memory?” Well, it’s the most famous fucking song from the show. A shorter version of it is sung at the end of Act 1, and then performed in full at the end of Act 2. It’s been recorded by a bazillion different divas and singers, Broadway and otherwise.

It is also not a song based on a poem from Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. Grizabella herself doesn’t appear in Old Possum’s Book, she appeared in a scrapped poem that Valerie Eliot shared with Andrew and the gang. The song that introduces her is cobbled together from that poem and the TS Eliot poem Rhapsody on a Windy Night, which also lends some of its verse to “Memory.” I’m realizing I have no idea how you’re supposed to properly format song titles vs poem titles. Whatever.

Look at this hilarious description of Grizabella from wikipedia: “The poem centres on a former glamour cat who has fallen on hard times and now roams the red-light district near Tottenham Court.”

She’s that kind of cat.

So because Memory is THAT SONG, Grizabella is sort of the diva role; originated by Elaine Page on the West End, and then Betty Buckley when the show opened on Broadway. Grizabella doesn’t participate in the other songs and group numbers with the rest of the ensemble (at least not to the same extent, she sort of pops up during the Jellicle Ball), so she’s not out there dancing and kicking. She comes out, belts Memory, makes you cry, goes away.

If you didn’t watch Mamie sing Memory, then watch Elaine Page sing the finale from the 1998 filmed production of Cats (which is undoubtedly better than Hooper’s monstrosity).

TOUUUUUCH MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

*You can also see, if you watch this, how all the cats are not looking at her because she’s an old and gross washed up old whore cat, but as she sings she’s just so damn good they’re like oh wow have we perhaps misjudged this old cat, were we maybe too harsh and shallow in our initial appraisal, all it took was a beautiful song for us to see the error of our ways and now all is forgiven.

Watch this clip of Cats perform at the 1983 Tony Awards, which includes Betty Buckley singing some of Memory at the end (you can also see how there’s already such a difference in how the show’s costumes appear on Broadway versus how they looked at their premiere in 1981 — they’re already starting to evolve towards the more polished/slick look of the 1998 filmed production).

Alternatively if you can’t deal with the low quality from that Tony Awards performance, you can listen to Betty Buckley sing it from the OBC. Congratulations. You are now prepared to join one of the many fun yet meaningless musical theater debates: Buckley vs. Paige. You’ve also got Mamie under your belt and if you want, you could go ahead and add Heather Hedley or Stephanie J. Block or Leona Lewis to that mix.

Either Memory absolutely grabs you by the gut, captivates you entirely, roundhouse kicks you in the heart and cracks your soul like an egg, or it doesn’t. Sorry if it doesn’t.

What else do I think is worth mentioning about in regards to Cats? The choreography!!!

She’s like a pretzel human

Cats is a spectacle show, sure — we’ve covered that by now. If you want to be awed as well as bummed out go see Next to Normal or something. But this is CATS and it is about the SINGING and the MUSIC and I GUESS THAT STUPID TIRE AT THE END OF ACT 2 THAT BLASTS OFF INTO SPACE and the DANCING! The whole thing is dance number after dance number. It’s like a musical revue. And if you like Cats, if any element of Cats works for you, the dancing is probably one of them. It’s modern, it’s broadway, it’s jazz, it’s ballet, it’s tap — it’s got a lot of different elements that it’s using, depending on the cat being showcased!

Do me a goddamn favor and watch Victoria’s solo from the beginning of Cats:

Let us go even further and watch choreographer Gillian Lynne work on the choreography for this solo:

There are a couple of videos scattered throughout the internet that showcase Gillian Lynne discussing the original choreography of Cats, and I find those videos to be absolutely fascinating — listening to her give the young dancers instruction, talking about what is motivating this dance or what’s being communicated here, is so fucking cool, and I think really taps into the human element that Lollo Baloney mentions being in the poems. She doesn’t shy away from the weirdness or the sexiness of these numbers. They’re cats, but they’re ultimately people, but they’re still cats — and in my little laywoman’s opinion, her choreography really captures that.

The Jellicle Ball! Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer’s number! Mr. Mistoffelees and his insane pirouettes!

“…My choreography is peculiar, I mean it’s not like anybody else’s and sometimes people don’t understand it. It works on its own level only, and therefore unless it’s done with my mental intention behind it, it can look terrible very quickly.” — Gillian Lynne [Source]

Maybe interesting to note here is that there’s a different choreographer for Tom Hooper’s upcoming Cats, although I imagine Gillian Lynne’s choreography will inspire it in some way.

So, that’s Cats! It’s not a perfect show, maybe not even a good show. But it works for you, or it doesn’t. Andrew’s music is beautiful, thrilling, gripping, lyrical, or it’s not. And that’s fine. Cats is very weird and strange and bizarre, but I also find it to be really fun and joyous with incredible choreography and really fun characters, and I just have a delightful time watching it. It’s a hard show to pull off, but when people do, I think it’s awesome and there’s so much impressive talent and artistry involved.

So, all that being said, what’s Tom Hooper’s Cats gonna look like? oh my god who fuckin knows with these cgi cats that detract from the incredible feat that is executing the non stop crazy choreography of cats. And you know what, the score in cats is nothing to sneeze at — does Taylor Swift have the chops to pull off Bombalurina’s many parts? Including the Macavity number? DOUBTFUL I mean — We’ll see.

Taylor Swift? As if.

If you have ANY interest in Cats, then my recommendation is always to check out the 1998 staged-for-film version that you can watch in playlist form on YouTube, or you can come over to my house and we will watch it on my DVD. It’s very good, even if it does cut Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer’s number short AND Mr. Mistoffelees’s number short — the latter a great crime.

That concludes my introductory lecture to Cats. Thank you so much for attending. Office hours are any day any time. If you see Tom Hooper kick him in the knee for me, and join me next time for “So Given All That, Why I Am Scared Of Tom Hooper’s Cats.”