5 Tips to Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
By: Ash Jurberg
Tags: Relationships, Self, Love, Life, This Happened To Me

1. Don’t Just Rely on Technology

The reliance on technology is enormous, with the average long-distance couple sending each other 343 texts weekly and spending eight hours a week talking on the phone or video chatting.

However, merely relying on technology isn’t enough. There needs to be more connection than just through your phones.

We went old-school from the start — writing letters. Yes, I may have the penmanship of a drunk orangutan, but I derived great joy in writing letters and postcards. And each day, when I got home from work, I would rush to the mailbox to see if I had received any mail from Cecilia.

Let’s face it, no one keeps texts — but we kept all our letters. It’s a great way to get creative. Cecilia would scour shops looking for unique cards. I would send postcards often with just one word on them so that over a few weeks, it would spell a story.

A text will be read once. A letter will be read many times. It was also a physical connection, something that I could touch. I could smell her handwriting.

Honesty I could.

The only thing better than receiving a letter is a package. Sending small gifts — outside of birthdays and Christmas — was just another way of keeping connected. To show that, across the ocean, we were thinking of each other. Something as simple as a chocolate bar or a small souvenir made me long for the mailbox visit at the end of each day.

2. Treat the Boring as The Normal

Most relationships connect over the boring everyday details. Are you going to the store? What time will you be home?

It’s essential to keep up these mundane daily activities as another way to stay connected. It is bringing normality to the relationship. The ordinary is just as crucial information as the exciting news.

One tip is to share three experiences each day. You can type it into the notes section on your phone and then share it with your partner.

Go into detail with the information. Don’t just text “went to Mike’s house for his birthday.” Provide more information — such as who was there, any funny things that happened, some gossip. Add a couple of photos. The key is to make your partner feel like they were there also — that they shared the experience.

And the most critical “boring” update?

Every day starts with a good morning and ends with a good night. No matter what the time zone or what happened during the day.

This was our number one rule. I’m not sure why I have listed it as number two now.

3. Discuss Your End Goals

What is the end goal?

It may seem like the start of a romantic comedy living apart, but like all romcoms, there comes the fork in the road. That determines if the relationship will last — if there will be a sequel.

The two obvious questions to answer are:

“How long are we going to be apart?” and “what is our future?” Long-distance relationships can’t last forever; there needs to an end goal in sight. It may take time before you can work this out, but it’s essential to be open in discussing this.

Will one of you move cities or countries? How will this work with careers, children, family? Does one person make all the sacrifices?

For me, having children from a previous relationship meant I couldn’t move to the USA. We both knew this from the outset, and thankfully I was lucky enough that Cecilia could move to Australia. But if this wasn’t ever going to be a possibility for her — then there was little future in maintaining a relationship.

An early honest discussion set our goals in place.

4. Don’t Avoid the Hard Talks

The recurring theme here is communication, and that goes for good and bad. When you’re living across the ocean from each other, it can be easy to romanticize everything. You don’t see all of your partner’s flaws. Arguments are quickly glossed over.

You need to experience this like it’s a no distance relationship. If you are upset or angry with your partner — talk to them about it. It can be challenging to have a serious discussion over the phone, but that’s the reality of the situation. Ignoring issues will see them grow in size over time. Festering unchallenged until they become monster size problems.

Remember, if you have the same goals and are hopefully building towards a future — you will have arguments. It’s better to get things out in the open now!

5. Hang Out Together, While Apart

You can’t go to a restaurant together, but there are plenty of activities that you can do together.

We started a Book Club — each month, one of us would choose a book, and every few days, we would read a chapter and discuss it. Just a two-person book club. Not only did it give us a shared activity to talk about, but it also introduced both of us to new authors and genres we wouldn’t have tried.

Words with Friends was big at the time — it’s like an online scrabble game — and we would play this together. Quizzes were also big for us. They where very competitive and occasionally lead to heated arguments, but they’re a great shared activity nonetheless.

Another thing to try is the modern version of creating a mix-tape, making a Spotify playlist. Create a mix of songs that mean something to you and share it with your partner. If they go to the gym or for a walk, they can listen to your playlist and you are there with them.