Aboard the relationship – it’s getting serious
By: Mia Velvet Ross
Tags: Storytelling, Helping Others, Relationships, Love, Breakups

And right around fall, we fell out of love…

After 3 years of ups and downs, Hayden and I called it quits — for good. Gotta say though, we had a good run, until we ran from each other. So here I am, once again, a bit older, a bit more cynical but with new stories to tell.

So, as I sat solo on a bench built for two, I wondered:

Why do people fall out of love?

You might think it’s because they realize they’re not right for each other or because they argue too much or aren’t having enough sex or have feelings for someone else. These can be challenging issues in a relationship, but i’m not sure these are the main reasons people fall out of love. I personally think, we are designed to fall out of love. But if the relationship is healthy and both people understand what real love is about, we fall back in love, deeper than before. And then we fall out of love and back in love — again and again and again. You get the picture… Falling in and out of love is as cyclical as the tides of the ocean.

The problem generally arises when, at the first sign of falling out of love, someone jumps ship.

A big part of him jumping ship, was me. I always imagined that I would marry a man who was tall and handsome, who was obsessed with me and adored me. And i realize now, that was a very immature kind of fantasy. Relationships are complex and to expect your partner to always be available and tend to you, hand and foot, is actually kind of selfish. But that was what I believed for the longest.

Then my mind went to commitment. Why can’t man commit, even if they are in love? Or is it just a Millennial thing? Millennials are infamous for refusing to commit, even when their relationships are great. Why?

Nothing ever seems to be quite as painful as wanting your partner to commit, only to be met with excuses, awkward silences, or straight up rejection. Maybe it’s because so many of our parents warned us about the evils that other people could be hiding, or perhaps it’s because our society has become a paranoid wreck (me), but whatever the reason may be, millennials just don’t trust other people. That distrust bleeds into every single aspect of our lives — especially when it comes to relationships. Clearly, millennials are so scared of being hurt in a bad breakup that they’d rather just close themselves off completely to the possibility of a committed relationship.

We belong to a generation that was constantly told that there’s “someone for everyone” and that, one day, someone spectacular and perfect in every way would sweep us of our feet. This theme is something that’s been featured in almost every children’s movie over the past 50 years. Eventually, a large portion of us ended up internalizing that message. Unfortunately, there’s a huge difference between what happens in reality and what happens in the pages of a Disney story book.

So, there’s a huge chunk of millennials out here, both men and women, who have incredibly unrealistic expectations. Rather than settling for a living, breathing human being, they often will hold out for someone who’s perfect. People who have this issue often will keep long term relationships, but will never commit because they “don’t know who else will come along.” — Fomo much? And if this weird Disney complex is really extreme, a person will leave the moment that a hard conversation has to happen. Sometimes, people will just “get bored” of a partner because the honeymoon period died out.

Also, we want to have our cake and eat it, too. We label the potential of loss in a relationship as “too much risk,” and tend to try to push the line of what we can get, without ever having to sacrifice cash, care, or God forbid, freedom. And because of that fear of missing out, we end up losing everything in the long term.

I couldn’t help but wonder: In today’s fast-paced world, does love stand a chance? Or is it just another victim of the changing times, as outdated as bell bottoms and record stores? Maybe love is nothing more than a sugar rush? It always starts out sweet and then leaves you with a stomach ache. And even if you are lucky enough to one day trade your cupcake for a wedding cake, are you still destined for a sugar crash? And just when you think you’ve learned your lesson for the last time, you do it again.

However, as I took a big puff on a skinny cigarette, I started thinking of all the soulmates that have sat on this bench, and I had a sweet epiphany: Maybe friends are what really matter, and men are just the icing on the cake.

AS for right now — life’s a beach, and i’ll enjoy the waves, while my dreams set the sail.