A Letter To My Ex (Pt 1)
By: Ade Odunuyi
Tags: Letter To My Ex, Relationships, Breakups, Heartbreak, Love

Dear B.O,

I call you by your initials because it’s still too painful to call your full name. Because every time I hear it, I remember, I remember everything you did to me.

Sometimes I wish you hit me, so that my poor fragile little heart took a day off. So that instead of the tumult going on in my heart, I would instead be physically treating the wounds on my body.

But like Christina Perri asked in her song titled ‘Bluebird’, I ask, how do you fix a broken heart?

I can already imagine your stupid selfish narcissistic voice responding to that question, telling me that you are sorry about that and that it’s not your fault.

But it is your bloody fault. You saw a young defenseless girl and moved in for the kill, and this girl fell in love with you and was prepared to give you the world, had already given you hers, but you spat it back in the most savage ways.

The insults, manipulations, control and punishments that came from you and she still chose you. The fact that you could not see that this was a girl that completely loved you, means that you will go on in your miserable life and will never be able to find love, even if it hits you in the head.

But then again why am I surprised? I was warned that you were a predator, a disgusting fellow whose life mission was to bed young naïve unsuspecting girls, but still I went through it with you, hoping to change you with my love. How stupid I was, because a leopard never changes its spots.

Now all I have to show for the mess of a relationship I had with you is a broken heart. Oh wait! I also have eyes that ache from crying, headaches due to sleepless nights, chest aches from the sobbing, a tarnished reputation and finally, soul sucking loneliness.

Like I said before, I wish the pain you inflicted on me was physical, so I could treat that with drugs, bandages, injections and others. But treating a broken heart, a broken spirit, soul, self-esteem….. confidence?????????? Where do I start from?

I was not perfect, but then again, perfect will never come to you. Because you are a loser, a narcissist, a fraud, a liar, a wicked soul, low-self- esteemed man who uses pizaz and English to cover it up instead of seeking help. And yet you would not admit it to yourself. Perfection doesn’t come to people like you. I let you be you and catered to your every need, except financial. If I had money, I know I would have wasted a huge chunk on you, so thank God I was broke then.

I am upset that I even gave you the time of the day. You are not a good person.

I am a jealous person, I get intimidated, I am overly emotional, I have a borderline personality disorder (one you amplified), but I was good and loved you with every fiber of my being.

I will not wish you well as you have chosen to leave in such a despicable manner. I only wish that you get everything you deserve. All the nonsense you have done to girls like me will come for you. And yes some of the good will also come back to you. I will rely on karma, and hope she comes in a way that will be public so I can enjoy the view.

I am not fine today. But I will be.

I am not the girl that used to exist before, but a better Queen will emerge from the ashes, with my crown sitting pretty on my head and my head held high.

You will get what is coming to you.

From The Ex Who Would have done anything for you,

N.