A Letter to my Mother
Tags: Relationships, Family, Covid 19, Love, Letters

A Letter to my Mother

Photo credit: Author

I recognize that this global pandemic has affected every human in a different way. So many have known so much loss. So many have lost their jobs and are struggling to put food on the table. For me, I just really miss my mommy.

I understand that so many have seen so much dire hardship. It doesn’t take away my sadness that the last time I saw my parents was over a year ago. I live 2,370 miles from my parents and, due to health concerns, we have been apart since September 2019 (we were supposed to see them in March of 2020.)

My parents are not in the best health and my husband and I are both considered “high risk,” so we have been waiting patiently for a reunion. For a long time. I have a two-year-old son who has seen more of his grandparents on the computer than in person. And most of all, the more time marches on, I realize that our finite resource is running out, whether we have decades, years, or months.

I am the only child of the most loving parents one could imagine. I have tried for my many years on the planet to mess up the solid foundation that they have instilled in me. To no avail. I still always say thank you, I believe that I can do anything, and I would literally give my shirt to someone who needs it. This is none of my doing. I could only be described as a good human because they created me as such.

My mommy is sick. And she’s tired. And she has responsibly been inside her house for over nine months because she is ultra-high risk. I want to hug her. I want to drive/fly/run/crawl to her, but I know that I can’t take that risk. I don’t know what else to do other than . . . write. Because this is what I do know what to do.

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Dear Moogie,

I know that I haven’t been the best daughter always. I know I have said things that have hurt you, I have been selfish, and six years ago, I moved 2,370 miles away from you (though, I moved to get away from other things — not you). These things don’t change the fact that you are and have always been the best mommy and grandmommy in the world.

I know we don’t agree on politics. And I know that I have chosen a faith that is different than the one you raised me to follow. Neither of these things diminishes the bond that we have and will always have. The rest of the world has nothing on us. Distance, though it is hard, has nothing on us. We are as inseparable as we were when I was in your tummy. You raised me to be smart and independent and loving. And you did an impeccable job.

The summer will bring fresh flowers, sunshine, and hopefully our first hug in what will be over 18 months. I don’t know what the near future brings. I don’t know how long it will be until I see you and until you get to kiss your grandson again. I wish that it could be tomorrow, but I know it won’t be. That makes me sad, but it makes me oh so grateful that I have a person whose physical absence in my life makes my heart ache.

I don’t send you as many care packages as I wish I could and I don’t call as much as you wish I would. We can’t hear each other on Zoom and your reception is terrible (please let me get you an iPhone?). No matter what, this one thing will always remain true: I love you. And I will be forever grateful to you for making and cultivating everything that I know to be good about myself.

Love,

Michelle