Sometimes the man of dreams should remain in dreams. Thanks! But No Thanks cupid!
By: Aakriti Dhawan
Tags: Mistakes, Couples, Courage, Parenting, Marriage

Marriage sounds like a beautiful word, especially for unmarried girls. The thought, the word” wedding” just gives butterflies in your stomach. Laughter, happiness, besties, music, dance, makeup, Jewellery, it’s all going to be about you!

You are gonna be the princess, and how can I forget to mention that all this happiness is going to be ever after because you are going to go to your man’s house and of course he is going to make you feel on top of the world and you are going to be the happiest couple, love will be all around !!

But soon you start seeing the flaws which were so not expected, no one ever mentioned the word adjustment. Oh God, how can that be? Why do I have to adjust?? His friends, his routine, his family, his room, his favourite food, his job, his income, his money, his career, how can suddenly everything be just about him? Daddy’s princesses are never aware of the small adjustments. Even if you get to hear it from others, it just doesn’t matter unless you practically wear the shoe and realize where and how hard it is actually biting.

My friend Susan got married. She’s young, bold, beautiful, classy and the cherry on the cake is that she is intelligent(something her in-laws were not atoll expecting) A highly intellectual female.

She got married at the age of 19. She was smart but love (teenage infatuation) made her mad. She forced her daddy to get her married ASAP.

Oh, before I forget to mention, her dad is not atoll like the general Indian fathers, he wanted his daughter to stand on her feet, it was important for him to see her shine like a star but he could not see her crying. “I wanna get married NOW. He is “The” man. My man,” said Susan

Though her dad tried to make her understand that now is not the time, education is important, you work first, Marriage can happen later but nothing worked. He failed to convince her.

Susan got married and went to her new house and no what you are thinking is not correct, her mother-in-law or GM (godmother as she addresses her) was not a Dracula. I mean to be a bad mother-in-law you have to hit her or make her work hard or tell her that she didn’t bring enough dowry and of course Susan’s GM didn’t do anything like that. Her GM was a sweet woman who had three sons, a rich family, an obedient husband and all of them were over-enthusiastic to show how perfect they were. Sounds sweet, isn’t it!!?

Her honeymoon ended in a week. She wasn’t surprised by a visit to any other country or even a good place with mountains and snowfalls in India (like we all dream of) she went to a nearby city Puri in Odisha(India). The beauty of the city was a historical temple and a not so clean beach. Though like all of us she had dreamt of a super romantic honeymoon, and the dirty beach was not in her list but as she said in our first meeting “how can the place matter when you are so much in love”.

Susan’s normal routine as Mrs Patel started soon. Her days started early, preparing breakfast, listening to her annoying father in law’s(GF) tantrums. How perfectly he took out mistakes in whatever she did, sarcasm was his forte. She didn’t utter a word; Ji papa (Dad) was all she said. Sadly, GF had the characteristics of a lady. He loved to irritate and comment on others matters. And very perfectly he made an innocent face as if his words have not hurt anyone ever.

Her husband had his business so no proper schedule/routine like her daddy’s house followed. No fixed time of going to work or coming back. These small things were new for her but she tried to make her peace with it. In the afternoon they had a family get together again, it was lunchtime but eating was not all they did, they discussed, discussed a lot and no not about the world/ our country, its growth or the economic situation of our country. Gossiping about everyone else’s life was so important. I mean how could Arora’s son shift in another apartment or how could Bedi’s daughter in law not give good news even after a year…Susan failed to understand that how can someone’s personal life matter so much to them? What satisfaction will her family get if Bedi’s have a grandchild but she preferred to keep quiet and stayed out of it.

Evenings were even more wonderful, Susan’s mother-in-law had a get-together, no not a kitty party but a cards seminar. The rich old woman of their small town loved to play cards. Of course, Susan had to deck up like “A BAHU”,(Daughter-in-law) wear ornaments, Indian attire, makeup(which she hated)and serve the best snacks for the so-called high tea party. Her GM used to feel super happy because her trophy(bahu) is the best. All the ladies adored Susan for her elegance and confidence.

Evenings were long as either the card seminar didn’t end soon or they had to go for some party. Yes, of course, Susan loved to party but not like this. She had no one to talk to in these parties. Everyone was gossiping and backbiting about their friends, it was only after a year that she found 2–3 people of her mental wavelength. One of them was an old woman in her late seventies, but age didn’t matter. That aunt knew a lot about books, art and life. They talked and felt good, it gave Susan a sort of peace at that moment.

Her husband who was very homely, sweet and madly in love with Susan could not do much for her. He loved his family and small underdeveloped city; it was his world. Sadly, he didn’t realize that Susan has no one to talk too, rather there was no problem atoll in his view. Loving family, fun and parties everyone wants that kind of lifestyle, isn’t it?? On the other hand, Susan felt that bedtime was not all that she wanted to share with him, she wanted to talk to him but there was hardly anything common.

Watching television together was also not an option, she liked TLC and national geographic but he was keen to watch dance reality shows, which didn’t interest Susan. He loved to play karaoke with his family and friends. He wanted Susan to also come and sing and dance, Susan did join him at times but she could not be in that artificial energetic mood always. It was difficult for her to pretend to be happy. She wanted to speak to him, she needed his support but he didn’t understand the depth of her problem.

Susan enjoyed staying in her room with a book and coffee but that was also interrupted by his niece and nephew. They ran on her clean bedsheets, scribbled on her walls and often pee in her room. Susan of course could not say anything because it would have sounded impolite.

All these things were making her irritated more and more but the fact that she could not do anything about it was breaking her internally. She was not happy atoll. Susan did think about working but there were hardly any job opportunities and even if there were, for Patel’s daughter in law, it was degrading to work for little money. So, she thought of opening her own boutique, it was a fairly good idea she thought. She discussed it with her husband and family. Of Course, her GM and GF thought it’s not necessary for her to work right now because Susan was doing her MBA that time and they thought soon she will have a “good news” and then who will look after the boutique?

Her husband like always thought mummy papa (Mom Dad) are correct.

I remember one evening Susan, after serving her GM with tea and snacks, came running to my house and cried like a baby. All she said was “ I feel suffocated. I can’t do this; I can’t be their perfect daughter in law. What am I doing with my life ?”

After two years Susan had to go to Bangalore for her higher studies. Though her family didn’t approve, Susan was firm about her decision. She wanted to study more( her father’s upbringing gave her strength) and so she went for a year.

Susan soon got a satisfactory job in Bangalore. Her schedule was fixed, morning job, evening classes. Her days were hectic. Susan’s life was not very easy in Bangalore. She had to work, study and did household chores as well. After she got her first salary, she stopped taking money from her husband and adjusted in little money she earned. All the difficulties that she faced were giving her a peaceful sleep. Susan is different, she doesn’t want someone’s bed of roses to rest on, her hand-knitted sheet gave her more courage.

A year had almost passed and it was her time to go back to her husband’s small town. As time passed, she started getting cold feet. And after many sleepless nights of anxiety, she gathered strength and decided to tell her husband that she doesn’t want to go back. She wanted to study more and didn’t want to kick her job opportunities. She requested him to shift with her to Bangalore, obviously his male ego and love for his parents answered NO loud and clear.

He is the man why should he leave the house!

Surprisingly that didn’t hurt Susan, she knew that this would be his answer. Rather in her heart, even she didn’t want him to come and live with her. In this one year, she had never really missed him. And after marriage, it was not the first time that he had said no to support her.

Another year was passing., her GM and GF were getting restless because people of their small town had begun to make stories about Susan’s divorce. They started pressuring Susan to come back home. Susan didn’t know what and how to tell them that it’s not working for her, she wants to do something in her life, achieve success before making babies.

Susan gathered all her strength and told everything to her father. Her father said, “ I am with you dear. It’s your life and you should be happy”.

According to me, all dads should be like Kapoor uncle. He didn’t bother about society even once. He didn’t think what will people say or will Susan get another husband or not. Kapoor uncle didn’t want Susan to live her life crying every day. He didn’t want her to get depressed at this young age. Susan’s smiling face was all that he wished to see. Kapoor uncle knew that Susan will never fail to make him proud.

Most of the Indian parents do the mistake of forcing their daughters to adjust beyond their limit. Parents think about society more than their kids and later when children suicide because of depression parents shed tears at funerals. It’s high time parents start taking a stand for their kids.

Presently Susan is earning more than her ex-husband and is satisfied with her life.

She doesn’t wish to get married, at least not for 3 or 4 years. The society does not discuss Susan anymore because there’s nothing they can say bad about her and praising her achievement is no fun!!

What do you think about Susan??