Daddy issues
By: Anna Ashley
Tags: Daddy Issues, Family, Dissapointments, Stepmom, Sad

My parents split before they knew my mom was pregnant for me. My dad was a cheater, and an ass hole. Go figure! My mom went to the doctors thinking my dad gave her something, and ended up being told she was pregnant! I thought that part was funny. Anyway, they ended up on and off until my dad met my wretched “step mother” when I was about two years old. This woman is just the most miserable creature I’ve ever met, and not only that but she’s tiny and looks twenty years older then she actually is! Not only that, but she told my dad that she was mad that while I was over she had to “take care” of me while my mom got to do whatever she wanted… I was 14 at the time; doing everything myself. All she ever did was sit at the computer while my dad was at work and let us kids do whatever we wanted, and then when my dad got home tell him how terrible we had been. Okay, enough of that.. I blame a lot on her, but it’s mainly my father. They had my first younger brother Jr. when I was four, and then my youngest brother Cameron when I was about ten. My childhood was mainly full of disappointment, high hopes getting crushed, false promises, crying, resentment, and lies. The amount of time I spent waiting for you to come get me, or call… Why even say you’d be there just to bail? Oh, and the arguing. When I was home it was my mom and dad on the phone. When I would finally go to his house, it was him and my “step mom”. Just non stop arguing. I was a pawn in my parents relationship to use to get back at each other. It would be the most petty things too. Like, if they agreed to meet half way to either pick me up, or bring me home; at the last minute one would say “ Oh, I’m not meeting you!”. Or just bail on the ride completely; we live about forty minutes away. You still blame my mom for you not being around much because she moved me out of the city and into a smaller town with a way better school than any out there. Being forgotten is probably one of the biggest things that really got to me.. Even recently. A couple years back I waited and waited to go see everyone on Christmas eve like every other year, or, well, at least majority of the years.. My aunt, cousins, and grandma were up from South Carolina. After forever of waiting around for you to tell me what was going on, and where I was meeting you and the family; I was literally in the car about to leave when you tell me that you forgot I was coming and that the car was full so I wouldn’t have a ride home. I cried. While still on the phone with you, you kept giving me excuse after excuse, saying that we will do something another day to make up for it. Blah, blah, blah. The whole time I’m trying not to let you know I’m crying. Now, to you reading this, this may seem like a small, stupid reason to be upset, and when I’ve dealt with it my whole life you would think that I would be used to it by now, but nope. One of the most annoying part to me is that no matter how many times you bail, or tell me something that I KNOW for sure is not going to end up happening; I still have hope, and believe that this time will be different. Now, my little brother, Jr. when we were younger we were close! He was always asking when I was going to come visit, or telling me to come over. Always right there the whole time I was there. He’d even come out and stay at my moms house with me. We were buds! Once he got into sports it all changed. Slowly, but surely. He’s definitely the favored child because he’s the athlete. Cameron is the most effected by this in my opinion seeing is how he now has to live up to his older brother who does no wrong. Living in his shadow, but it’s a lot better then it was ever since Jr no longer plays basketball because of an injury. Everything is always about him. Same with my step sisters son over my son. Extremely irritating. For Christmas this year I went out of my way to go over there, even called into work, because they can never compromise with me, just to sit in the living room with my “step mom” while my dad was up stairs with my brother. You would think that never seeing his grandson, and always see hers would make him want to spend time with him or at least make up for it, right? Nope. He got one gift while her grandson got 10. It’s just sad. Oh, and the gift he got he already had. Yeah, I know, it’s not about the gifts, but the point is that I grew up going through that; watching my brother open a bunch of stuff while I got a couple things that I didn’t like or that were to young for me… Just because you couldn’t care to figure out what interests me, and I’ll be damned if my son has to deal with that. That’s where I blame my “step mom” though, because she’s always controlled the money and what to get everyone, or the family functions; that I was randomly included in, even though she didn’t work until recently. I’ve always just felt like the child from an ex to her. Which is whatever. I don’t expect anything from her, and I could really care less to have a relationship with her. All in all, I blame my father for me not being able to connect with people, or be able to open up to people the way I should, because of the amount of disappointment amongst everything else I’ve gone though.