Raising a newborn in our new reality
By: Nick Bazley
Tags: Parenting, Newborn, Fatherhood, Dads

COVID-19 has completely changed the world in ways we could have never imagined, but will also change it in ways we don’t even know about yet.

People have lost their jobs almost overnight. Remember in February, unemployment in America was 3.5%; in April it was 14.7%. Spending around the world has frozen. People are forced to stay at home and not see their loved ones. The remote working model is being stress-tested unexpectedly! The world today is profoundly different than it was before and I’m left wondering how it will recover. Raising a newborn in this new reality has been an interesting challenge, bringing some amazing moments, as well as some really difficult ones.

They say when you have your first child your life changes forever, but I’m sure the person who coined this phrase didn’t account for this amount of change! So how have we dealt with the first 2 months of raising Mason with everything going on?

The newborn bubble…literally!

With your first child comes this wonderful bubble, and all you want to do is stay in it for as long as possible. But we were not expecting to literally have to create a bubble around our little one to keep him as safe as possible in the midst of a global health pandemic.

The news was scary, so many deaths around the world — but it was also such a time of unknowns too, and it meant we had a lot of questions. Was it passing to babies? How can it spread? Do we need to disinfect everything that comes into our home? Are we allowed to let Mason see loved ones? What are the early signs we need to watch out for? With all of this going on, Jen and I just decided to take all possible precautions, and for the first month or so we hunkered down in our apartment and made sure it was just the 3 of us. This did mean we had to have some difficult conversations, but ones that needed to happen to keep Mason safe. And if we could avoid the news, we did!

Getting by

So how did we get by? Well, first of all with a lot of remote help from friends and family. People were extremely generous and shared Grubhub/Doordash gift cards which were a godsend to help during the first 3 weeks. We had friends drop off newborn survival packs and homemade meals to keep us going (thank you, friends). We signed up for Instacart to ensure we weren’t risking ourselves and our little one by visiting the supermarket. We disinfected everything that came into our house (probably a little overkill, but there was no point in risking it). And saddest of all, we had to limit Mason’s exposure to family and friends — we can count on one hand the number of people who have held the little man to-date.

The worst part

At the time of writing this (it’s early morning on a Sunday), I should be waking up surrounded by my family. It was supposed to be the first morning my Mum, Dad, Brother (Jamie), and Sister (Jen) would be visiting from England to spend time getting to know Mason. Instead, they are stuck at home and not able to travel out here. Living in California away from my favorite people is tough at times, but this has been the toughest time in my 4 years over here. Aside from welcoming Mason into the world, these were the two weeks in 2020 I was looking forward to the most, and it’s incredibly sad we are not experiencing a wonderful period of time with our family. And to make it worse, I still don’t know when they are going to get to meet him in person and give him a big hug. I hope it is soon, as I know Mason is joining a family full of love and happiness, and he can’t wait to be a part of it!

This has also had an impact on Jen’s immediate family too! Jen’s Brother (Justin) who lives in NYC was planning on heading out around the time of Mason’s birth, but has still not been able to get on a flight back to California to meet his nephew. Same thing with her Aunties who live in LA & San Diego. Whilst I know they would jump on a plane tomorrow to come and meet him, it just doesn’t make sense in this world and we appreciate how cautious everyone is being. When they are able to meet him, it will be an extremely special day.

Not all doom and gloom!

Ok, now onto some more uplifting parts of the last 8 weeks! It really has been the most amazing 8 weeks of Jen and my life together so far. Watching Mason grow up, even in this short window, has warmed our hearts, and we love him more than we ever thought possible.

Whilst he’s been growing, we’ve been trying to find a routine that works for our new life. The first 3 weeks were an absolute whirlwind, and you’ll be surprised how much you can get done on close to zero sleep! But you start getting used to it, and parenting so far has been a lot of trial and error to see what works. When you’re unsure of something and you Google it, you are overwhelmed with different opinions from a wide variety of sources and you begin second-guessing yourself…you just have to do what is right for your little one. You’ll also learn the power of the ‘Mum Intuition ’— most of the time, they are right!

We are now completely in the swing of things and the smiles and laughs we receive are the best rewards we could ask for.

Back to work

After 3 weeks, I returned to work — luckily my company, along with the majority of the world, have been working remotely so I have been able to be at home for every day of Mason’s life so far, and will be for the extended future. Jen and I realized the other day, that it’s highly likely I will be at home for the duration of Jen’s maternity leave. Whilst she might not like it, it’s something that I am very grateful for; not many Dad’s are able to spend this much time getting to know their newborn. Instead of commuting, I can spend time with Mason — my lunch breaks have turned into Dad and Mason time and then at the end of the day, I just switch the laptop off and give my guy a hug!

This is also on top of little pockets of time throughout the day where I can be on-hand to support Jen to give her a break. The new WFH style is putting a baby in the k’tan on your chest and typing away on a laptop!

Don’t get me wrong, there have been really tough days. Having sleepless nights, then waking up to work is a new reality that took a little getting used to. Then wrapping up work and moving straight into Dad mode — cooking, cleaning, nappy changes, etc. means days are long and time I used to have to myself, is now almost nonexistent. But I wouldn’t swap it for the world! I know as he grows up in the coming weeks and months, it’ll get easier and smaller pockets of time will open up to me again. I completed my first meditation in 6 weeks and it completely changed the game and my mental state. So my mission in the next few weeks is to carve out 15 minutes every day for this so I can be a better Dad, husband, friend, son and colleague!

Week 6 onwards

The last two weeks have been some of our favorites since Mason arrived. His personality is really starting to shine— pooping just after a nappy change and then laughing, smiling whenever he sees his Mum for a middle of the night feed, laughing at Dad being silly, cooing throughout the day when he’s happy!

It was also around this time we got some more help; Jen’s Mum and Dad (Grandpa and Abuelita) quarantined seriously for 14 days, which gave us the confidence to bring Mason around to their house, and have them hold him and help us out. This has been a huge help, as well as a special moment in time watching them get to know their Grandson — I just cannot wait for my family to be able to do the same.

Wrap up

Hopefully, this has given you a little insight into what it’s been like raising a newborn in a crazy, unexpected world. If you’re about to embark on this journey yourself, know it is a little surreal and a jump into the unknown, but it’s still the most amazing experience of your life. Just be careful, be safe, and do what you think is best for your little one — if you do, everyone will understand and respect your decisions.