Warm memories of Wigilia
By: Ron Wayne
Tags: Nostalgia, Food, Christmas Traditions, Family

Photo courtesy of Mieczysław Michalak / Agencja Gazeta

As the pandemic compels us to limit family gatherings, I recall when my extended family celebrated a Polish tradition for Christmas Eve.

This Christmas season won’t be easy if you’re a single retiree without family in your hometown, like me.

Pandemic experts say we should remain in our “social bubble” or at least highly limit how many others enter it. My grown children are just a long drive away, but we decided to play it safe and just video chat, much as we have done all year.

This holiday is so much more nostalgic than others. We can’t help but think of Christmases past. It seems like a short time ago that I was buying toys for my two kids and seeing their glee on Christmas morning. Now they are making “good money” and can buy what they want. I can’t afford to buy them anything spectacular, although I know they appreciate my gifts.

If you grew up with all your extended family nearby, as I did, those days seem like a long ago dream. Luckily, I have photos and home movies that capture the Christmas celebrations I shared with my parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

Mom’s brother, Ben, and his wife, Shirley, at a Wigilia in our basement “club,” complete with vintage jukebox.

It’s a Polish tradition to gather with your family on Christmas Eve for what is called a “Wigilia.” For about a dozen years or more, my mother would host both sides of the family at our house. I guess the role fell to her as the oldest of six children, and she was already a professional cook and caterer. Plus my Dad had converted half of our large basement into something more than just a recreation room. It was a mini-nightclub with a big bar, three tables, a jukebox and a sitting area. It was the scene of many happy times over decades.

Food is the main event at a Wigilia, and this was abundantly clear with my mother, who prepared a feast. The tradition is to have 12 dishes, representing the Apostles, but no meat. Mom couldn’t help herself and we had meat, too, but the main courses were fried fish, usually Lake Erie perch; and her homemade pierogies and potato pancakes, which were unbelievably good. And then a whole bunch more side dishes, including beet borscht, and sweets such as poppy seed rolls.

Oplatek wafers

One unique Wigilia tradition is the breaking and sharing of a communion-like wafer with each other. You break off a piece of the oplatek and give to each family member along with a kiss and well wishes. I’ve read also where some Wigilia celebrations exclude alcohol. That surely didn’t happen in our house. Booze flowed freely — beer, wine, mixed drinks and Champagne.

It would be hard to capture the spirit of these celebrations, filled with laughter, smiles and occasional tears for those who had passed. It might have been the one time each year that siblings and perhaps even spouses expressed goodwill toward each other, perhaps forgiveness. And what more important Christian lesson is there?

Over the years, family members died, divorced or moved away. I don’t think Mom hosted another one after Dad passed. Two of her brothers had already died by then, and soon another sister, another brother. I moved away after college graduation. Cousins scattered and lost touch.

After I married and had children, we started our own traditions, but we never lived in the same city as anyone else in our families, so anything resembling a Wigilia was impossible. Until the 1970s, most Americans lived and died where they grew up. My parents, grandparents and great-grandparents are all buried in the same cemetery. As each generation became more educated and assumed professional careers, however, we became more mobile.

This Christmas particularly, in the absence of even close family, I relish the warm memories of hugs, kisses, affection and the joy of a shared feast with those I loved.