How to Defeat Grief
By: Andy Travis
Tags: Leadership, Courage, Compassion, Grief, Gratitude

How to Defeat Grief

Image by Mystic Art Design from Pixabay

We have or will face the game with Grief at some time in life. Let's talk about how to play that game and win.

This game will begin suddenly. Grief will strike its first blow and you will lose that first set. But you will not die.

You could lose anything…your body, mind, friends, family…the list is long. But Grief will wait for you to respond.

It will silently watch from the other side of the court as you stagger up on your feet. It will offer no help. It will just watch for your next move.

This is the mother of all games that you have to know how to play. If you lose you could pay with your life. But if you win, you could play with life for the rest of your life. The risk is dizzyingly high…but so is the prize.

So here is what I have learnt so far.

You can’t win by blaming the world.

Nope. You can’t win by blaming the court, the crowd, the referee, the racquet, the weather, the ball…Grief will strike again and again you will fall and lose.

2. You can’t win by getting angry.

Anger is a weak version of grief. It’s a weakness that feels energetic but actually is quite hollow. It will feed you the adrenaline you need to run around the court but still, Grief will outsmart you. And again you will lose another game. Now you will start to panic. It's getting too close to Game, Set and Matchpoint to Grief.

3. You can’t win by taking some pain killers to give you power.

Pain killers might give you some muscle relief but will do nothing to the panic in your mind. They will only numb you for a while. Drugs, Alcohol, Porn, Gambling…are all skin deep. They will not cure the pain in your mind. Grief will strike again. This time it will walk up to you and look down at the mess you are and suggest you surrender. Grief will recommend you give up. It will offer you options to exit quickly and more importantly ...quietly. Even Grief has a heart…

You have a final choice now. To lose or to play.

You see the way to win is to Play with opposites. Not fight it or resent it. Or regret it. Or be afraid of it. The way to defeat grief is to become its opposite. Grief can be defeated by Joy. You have to adorn the avatars of Joy. This will confuse grief. She will not know how to respond to its opposite.

If you can find ways to find Joy in the midst of Grief you will win. I have tested this to be true. It will not be fast. It will not be instant. But it will be certain. You will win the game of life.

Here is how to Play the game of Joy to defeat Grief.

Daily Gratitude

If you can replace every feeling of Lack with a feeling of abundance in your mind you will begin healing yourself. If you can look around and be grateful for what you have every time your mind shows you what you need…you will get stronger. But and this is important — look at me when I tell you…you must …you must feel that gratitude. For example, If you are poor in money you must be rich in something else…your body, your breath, your sleep, your hair, your eyesight..there has to be something you are rich with. Find where you are rich. Find your wealth where you feel a lack. And feel joy for that. Feel thank-full for those. Daily. Again..and again. Thank-Full will slowly fill up your hole of loss.

2. Daily Compassion

Grief will make you selfish. You will wallow in self-pity. You will feel incomplete. You will feel no one loves you. You will hurt because you are unheard. You. You. You. The mind in Grief is selfish. You have to become its opposite. You have to play the game of being Un-Selfish. That is where Compassion is a beautiful stroke to play. It’s one of those magic moves that leaves the opponent on the other side frozen as the ball whistles past as it kisses the line and the referee calls it in. Compassion is the ability to show genuine empathy for others in the midst of your own misery.

What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle. Rumi

Find a person (starting with you yourself), cause, Thing that you can dedicate your time and energy and expect nothing in return. I mean when I say… Nothing. You will know if you are lying about the expectation.

Self Compassion is where I suggest you begin. Find a picture of yourself when you were 3 and innocent. Put it on your shelf and love that kid. Hug her/him and drown them in your love. Find out why you are so hard on your self and then become soft. Do it again and again and again…

3. Daily Courage

Action is the antidote to anxiety.

You must find a goal that is worthy of serving. And then act in that direction with all your effort. The way to know what is your goal…watch if that thing makes you lose your sense of self and time. Writing does that to me. Read about being in Flow and being in the Zone on the internet. Find your flow. In the middle of your Grief, look up at the Full Moon of what gives you hope. And act in its direction. Daily. I write to get courage. Find yours.

Courage is ceaselessly acting in faith, while surrounded yet unperturbed by the dragons of doubt, despair or defeat.

Little by Little. Tiny habits will turn you into a Titan.

Just fix your sight on the great goal that gives you flow and then go after it one tiny step at a time. You will be amazed at the compound interest of this act of courage.

As you start to walk on the way, the way appears. Rumi

Coda

How long will it take to win against Grief? Not long. Just work on your game. Daily acts of Gratitude, Compassion and Courage will compound and you will find a treasure within yourself.

Play hard against Grief. The prize is a lifetime of victories.