Why Mindful Self-Pleasure is a 2021 Resolution Worth Keeping
By: Isharna Walsh
Tags: Self Improvement, New Years Resolutions, Masturbation, Wellness, Sexuality

Image credit: Jakari Ward

Every December, I take stock of the year behind me, look forward to the year ahead and make a single New Year’s resolution. Rather than cram my to-do list with scattered goals, I choose just one thing that through consistent practice will make a meaningful difference in my life as a whole.

In a year unlike any other, in which I grew my business in the midst of a pandemic, my 2020 resolution was what helped me get through. Choosing a resolution that served my health and well-being was a no-brainer. I already ate well and exercised, but I knew there was another powerful self-care strategy I could commit to that most people tend to overlook. (Probably because even saying it out loud makes most people blush.)

My 2020 New Year’s Resolution was to make mindful self-pleasure a regular practice.

Did you do a double-take? Should I insert a *record scratch* here?

Yes, I’m talking about mindful masturbation — and I’m advocating for much more of it for everyone in 2021 because of its profound positive effects on our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. If you’re looking for a clinically-proven strategy to manage stress and boost your happiness, I hope you’ll consider making mindful self-pleasure your resolution. We’re still in the midst of a pandemic, and an intentional self-care practice that contributes to an increased sense of intimacy and appreciation of ourselves is just what we need to finally see us through.

First, it’s important to understand that humans’ yearning for touch isn’t just sentimental or emotional; it’s physiological. Therapists call it “skin hunger,” and many have raised the alarm that our bodies are becoming more and more starved as the pandemic goes on. Touch deprivation is associated with depression, stress, and poor general health. Even more concerning during a pandemic, touch deprivation can also lead to a weakened immune system.

If you’re quarantining alone, you may not have cuddled, hugged or even shaken hands with anyone since last winter. If you’re with a partner, coronavirus-related stress may have taken an equally negative toll. One pre-print published by Hensel and colleagues found that almost 50 percent of all adults in a nationally-representative dataset reported a change — most commonly a decrease — in their sexual behavior in the past month.

The good news: numerous peer-reviewed studies show that self-pleasure can be a potent antidote to isolation. It activates neural receptors in the skin called C-tactile afferent nerves, which slow down the stress response, and regulates the nervous system by releasing immune-boosting and pain-reducing hormones like prolactin, oxytocin, endorphins and dopamine. One recent study noted that self-pleasure and sports have similar positive impacts on health and well-being. In fact, by comparing bodies of literature, it’s safe to say that masturbation and jogging have similarly beneficial effects on the body.

And yet, a recent study conducted by the Kinsey Institute found that both single people and those quarantined with partners are pleasuring themselves less during the pandemic. Why? A lack of pleasure-centric sex education has left most of us without the knowledge or tools necessary to enthusiastically explore our own bodies. Many religions take the stance that self-touch is wrong or shameful, and damaging myths such as the notion that it’s sexually deviant, pathetic, or amounts to “cheating” in partnerships have swept self-pleasure under the rug.

But giving yourself pleasure isn’t self-indulgent or shameful, it’s essential. Especially now.

So go ahead and block out time on your 2021 calendar for masturbation. Really. It may feel forced or foreign, but committing to regular time alone makes all the difference. Take a bath, light a candle or play soft music to mark the occasion. Make yourself comfortable and stimulate all your senses with soft blankets, toys and massage oil. Involve your whole body, caressing your arms and chest and torso rather than rushing to the finish line. If you can, masturbate mindfully by noticing each sensation in your body and your breath. Although orgasm may be a happy byproduct, the real goal is pleasure and connection to your body, right here and now.

The pandemic made many of us feel powerless, but as 2020 draws to a close, the end is on the horizon. While much of what’s happening in the world is still out of our hands, managing the adverse effects of social isolation doesn’t have to be. As we look ahead to a brighter future, let’s take the opportunity to normalize the fact that sex — with ourselves and with others — is an integral part of self-care.

Here’s to a healthier, happier and more pleasurable new year!