The Gift of Disappointment
By: Tricia Sciortino
Tags: Disappointment, Mental Health, CEO, Personal Development, Failure

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas A. Edison

Hi. My name is Tricia Sciortino and I have failed. Many, many times over. And I will again. Many, many more times over.

But here’s the plot twist: I welcome it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It still stings. A lot. I am, after all, still human. But each failure, disappointment or rejection has yielded the greatest gift: perspective.

Disappointments are humbling. And humility can feel bad. Awkward. Painful even. It feels — very deliberate word choice here — more public than success, like we’ve been summoned to the gallows for a very public flogging.

We fear it. We try to avoid it. We question ourselves every time we have radical ideas. But avoiding disappointment is much like fighting waves at the beach: They’re coming; they’re going to ebb and flow whether you like it or not, so you can expend all your energy trying to forcibly stop them — or — you can surrender yourself to their intoxicating rhythm.

The choice is yours.

So as we enter this season of giving, I want to share some of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

Let’s take a quick trip down memory lane (again), shall we?

The time? Fifteen years ago. The place? PacSun.

A position for district manager became available — and I knew I had the stuff. It was in the bag — until a five-foot spunky firecracker of a girl from New Jersey walked in — and got it.

I was gutted.⁠

“This is the girl who took my spot?” ⁠

⁠“What does she have that I don’t?”⁠

“What do they see in her that they don’t see in me?”⁠

But fate, as it is known, had other plans. She eventually became one of my dearest friends from whom I learned so much and I got promoted six months later — and, not to toot my own horn but — I soon became the №1 District Manager.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the sting of that rejection was exactly the fuel I needed to try harder. I thought I was ready when, in reality, I had a little more professional and personal development to do.

The Gift of Failure ⁠

When I met BELAY founders Bryan and Shannon Miles a decade ago, I was going through an agonizing divorce and, as would be expected, one of the hardest times in my life.

At that particular point in time, I was not necessarily a believer that God was in my corner — but Bryan made it his mission to convince me otherwise. ⁠⁠

From the moment I met him until today, Bryan has constantly prayed over me and constantly reminded me that God is there. ⁠

“You can’t save me! Why are you always trying to save me?” I’d counter petulantly.

But each time, he would reply resolutely, “I can’t save you. You are saved. God’s already got you.” ⁠

Bryan is the person who has really brought faith home in my adult life when I needed it most.

Inarguably one of my darkest times yielded easily the brightest light in my life: my faith. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. ⁠⁠

The Gift of Disappointment

I once asked Bryan to run the sales department. And then I did. And then marketing. And then I did. And so on and so on … until I was BELAY’s COO.

I was on a roll.

So when, in 2016, Bryan asked what my B.H.A.G. — ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal’ — was, I said I wanted to be BELAY’s CEO. You have to shoot your shot, right?

Bryan said no. Just … no.

He said he would always be the CEO. It was sobering and forced me to reevaluate, well, everything. What was left for me at BELAY if not that?

But then I realized — even if it took 10 years — Bryan would one day be ready to grow in his own B.H.A.G., which would require replacing himself as CEO. So I replotted my course.

From that moment, I began to take on more responsibility, which over time, allowed Bryan and Shannon to take their first sabbatical in the summer of 2019. I exemplified what it meant to be a leader — and it showed. I believed in my future as CEO of BELAY early on and this mindset dictated how I made decisions and how I skilled up, all to be ready for when they’d want me to lead as CEO.

What did I learn? Never say never and always avoid always, right? And to be ready for when — not if — the next opportunity presents itself.

The Best Gifts — In The Worst Packaging

Looking back, every time I encountered rejection, failure and disappointment — from promotions to my divorce to the hard ‘no’ I heard when I said I wanted to become CEO of BELAY — it knocked me down and then fired me up to prove that I can do it anyway.

It can be hard to see in the moment but as long as we choose to view disappointment through the lens of opportunity or a redirection — and not defeat — it’s often one of the best gifts we can ever receive.

For more tips on leading and working remotely, follow me on Instagram and LinkedIn.