Learning to Love Again
By: Brenda Karl
Tags: Love, This Happened To Me, Life Lessons, Inspiration, Growth

Sometimes the best therapist has four paws and a big wet nose

Ellen Moody Yacovelli #finerthings

Last night, I watched the movie Must Love Dogs.

It didn’t really have much to do with loving dogs. There wasn’t even an undercurrent theme about loving dogs. Interestingly enough, it was about learning to love again after a betrayal. Dogs are good at that.

A dog has one aim in life… to bestow his heart. ~ J.R. Ackerley

We learn quickly that the star of our show, Sarah, is a divorcé — her husband did the leaving — and her sister is working hard to get her dating again. As a result of these shenanigans, Sarah ends up meeting someone on a dating site, and we join them as they chat over dinner.

As will happen on first dates, the subject of the ex comes up. Wistfully and with a touch of confusion she explains that her husband “just stopped loving me one day.” Jake, the hopefully new beau, says:

“You know, but I think your heart grows back bigger…Once you get the shit beat out of you. And, um, the universe lets your heart expand that way, and I think that’s the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place…”

With that in mind, about three weeks ago, my son called me from college.

“Mom, Gilligan is sick,” he said with worry in his voice.

Gilligan is our dog of 15 years. He was intended to be my son’s dog but became a family pet. When my husband “just stopped loving me one day”, we had to split the animals up. Gilligan went with the boys to their apartment near the university they attended while my daughter and I kept her little Yorkie and the cat. Sadly, even animals are affected by divorce.

Back to the story…

I asked him what was wrong, but was surprised by the growing apprehension I was feeling in my own heart.

“He’s really sick, Mom.” my son went on to say. “He can’t stand up, he keeps falling over, he can’t keep food down, and he’s going to the bathroom on himself…I’m so scared I’m going to have to put him down.”

With that statement, my tears started to flow. There was no controlling them. His tears joined mine as he choked out that he made an appointment with the vet for later in the afternoon. I told my son that he would not have to do this alone as I cleared my schedule and prepared for the worse.

While I waited fearfully for my son’s call, I couldn’t help but think about how loyal Gilligan had always been. How, when I had a back injury and couldn’t leave the couch, he never left my side — which is more than I can say for my now ex-husband.

The ex found weakness very unattractive. Gilligan loved me through the tears, the depression, and the weight gain.

My ex told me to give up, that I’d never walk again. Gilligan whimpered with me through the pain, and he honestly seemed to understand that I wasn’t well. That silent message alone was encouragement enough for me to believe that I would walk again.

Dogs… don’t see the outside of a human but the inside of a human.~ Cesar Millan

I cried that day. A lot.

I cried for my son.

I cried for our potential loss.

I cried for Gilligan.

I cried because I couldn’t be there for him the way he was for me.

I just cried.

Then, my son called.

“Gilligan is going to be OK…I guess you can’t keep a good dog down”, he sniffled and chuckled with obvious relief. Apparently, the dog had eaten an entire bag of Reese’s chocolate candy but would recover. We were so happy to know that this crazy dog was going to be with us for a while longer.

It was in this convergence of laughter and tears that I realized: it’s not about the people who leave you behind, it’s about the people (and dogs) who love you now.

Learning to love again is about being in the moment, celebrating the love you have, and choosing love every day.

Dogs are good at that.