Stop Waiting for Someone to Change
By: Bridget Webber
Tags: Self Esteem, Relationships, Personal Development, Relationship Advice, Self Improvement

Learn your value and find inner strength

Another day and everything’s the same. The person you want to be different carries on as always, putting you down, treating you badly, or cheating on you.

Today will be different you say. “I’ll be kinder, more patient, have a better sense of humor and I won’t get upset.”

Try as you might, though, to be forgiving, extra loving, and understanding, and the parent who makes you feel like nothing, the spouse who bullies you, or the friend who speaks words that cut you like a knife affects you the way they do typically.

“I’ll wait. I’ll heal the pain from childhood that makes my partner angry or disrespectful.” “I’ll give the pal who leaves me out and stabs me in the back one more chance, and then another.” “I’ll be so resilient nothing will hurt me.”

Such thoughts enter your mind, and for a second, they soothe you. “It will be all right this time” becomes your mantra and “I can cope.”

Do Leopards…

People can change, but, and there are so many buts, the undeniable truth — the real question you must ask — isn’t whether the sibling who tells lies about you, the tyrannical boss who berates you, or the cousin who meddles and makes your life difficult will change. It’s about you.

Why are you stuck? Why do you go through the painful mill incessantly? Are you following a pattern of self-destruction? Why haven’t you demanded better treatment or left an impossible situation?

And the questions continue

Why have you allowed someone to walk over you? What stops you making an impact to procure better treatment or saying enough is enough?

What does your reaction to poor treatment say about you?

Does it remind you how you already feel? Is it so familiar you’ve grown used to it and can’t see a way out? Are you reliant on the person who upsets you and scared to alienate them?

You can’t shine when you allow people to dull your best qualities to make way for theirs. They want all the attention and need you to make yourself small so they appear larger. Get it?

They’ve got problems, and despite being bullies are special too. They have reasons for their actions, but it’s not up to you to be dragged along a painful path with them and let them use you.

A leopard can change, but you can’t make them

People can change, but nobody can force them. Life will sculpt them and they might decide to alter, but it’s not your job — or within your power — to enforce their transformation.

So, and I know it’s painful to hear, we are back to you. You’re the only person on Earth you are in charge of and can change. As such, you’re responsible for taking care of yourself and can’t afford to wait for anyone else to do it for you.

Life’s lessons often sting like hell. They plunge you into deep stormy water and say “let’s see if you can swim.” The more storms you meet, though, and ride out successfully, the easier it becomes to float.

Staying afloat, however — successfully, at least — isn’t about learning to hang on in there while the waves smash against your skull. It’s about finding out who you are and recognizing your value.

You only let people mistreat you consistently if you don’t feel worthwhile. Their negative behavior (although absolutely their fault, not yours) shows what you will put up with according to how important or insignificant you imagine you are.

Rise up

Challenges in which people behave badly toward you beg you to rise. They require you learn your value and find inner strength. Once you note your significance, courage grows and you react powerfully. Not with aggression, but with the strength that’s been inside you all along.

At such a time, unkind words bounce off you because you understand they don’t resemble the truth. You recognize you need not put up with bullying behavior and reach out for help or change your course alone.

You might choose to stop seeing so-called friends, or relatives, who refuse to treat you with love. There’s no need to get angry or hate them — that’s counterproductive — but you can show them something new and helpful. Stand up for yourself and they will behave differently (because they want to) or back off.

It’s not my place to advise anyone what to say or whether to remain attached to someone who is a negative influence on them, but it’s okay for me to say rise. Dig deep, recognize your value, feed a sense of worthiness with powerful self-talk, and shine.