How to Decline a Meeting With a Co-Worker
By: Rebecca Fishbein
Tags: Scripts, Productivity, Work, Meetings, Succeed

How to Decline a Meeting With a Co-Worker

A script for saying no when an in-person one-on-one isn’t the best use of your time

Photo by Nik MacMillan on Unsplash

In a sea of Slack chatter and overcrowded inboxes, a scheduled face-to-face conversation with a colleague can be a valuable resource — if you actually have things to talk about. Sometimes, though, a one-on-one is more of a waste of time than a productive use of it. Maybe you and this person just don’t have enough to cover to warrant a whole meeting. Maybe it feels more social than useful, a check-in that’s really more of an aimless chat.

Or maybe this meeting ranks 137th on the list of things you want to get done today, in between cleaning the crumbs out of your keyboard and “miscellaneous thinking time.”

“In general, I love a one-on-one,” says Tony Smith, a New York–based journalist who has managed multiple teams over the course of his career. “But strictly speaking, from the standpoint of efficiency, that 30 minutes or an hour might be better served doing other stuff, and it can be frustrating when you’re going home or signing off later than you otherwise would have as a direct result of meeting bloat.”

If you suspect the asker wants face time for its own sake rather than to go over anything specific, you’d be better off trimming it from your calendar. Here’s how to do it tactfully, without giving the impression that you don’t think the person is worth your time.

Ask for more information

It can be annoying when a meeting invitation lands unceremoniously in your inbox with no context — and if you’re really in a time crunch, it’s tempting to shoot it down from the jump.

“When calendar invitations arrive with no meeting details or without a subsequent follow-up email that addresses basic questions of why we’re meeting and what we hope to achieve, I’ll admittedly raise my eyebrows,” says Fraylie Nord, a Brooklyn-based copywriter and project manager working in tech.

Those might be rare — most invitations include at least a vague line of explanation — but a quick description of the meeting’s purpose often still isn’t enough to indicate that the sender has fully thought things through. Jaime Klein, founder of Inspire Human Resources, says a major sign that a meeting is a time waster is if the asker doesn’t provide meeting notes in advance. “An agenda and all needed links to Google docs and attachments sent in advance are always good signs of a meeting being a good use of time,” Klein writes in an email. “The absence of these things is a red flag.”

Still, immediately clicking no can make you seem dismissive. You can show tentative interest with straightforward questions like, “Is there an agenda for this?” or, “So I’m prepared, can you let me know what we’ll be covering?” This way, if and when you do ultimately turn the meeting down, the asker will know you gave it some thought instead of reflexively rejecting it.

“If projects are moving along and deadlines are being met, sometimes a simple email update will suffice.”

Ask if the meeting can be handled online

Even if there is an agenda, you may be able to address whatever the person wants right away without subjecting yourself to a sit-down. “One-on-ones, while perhaps noble in theory, can also feel unnecessary at times,” Nord says. In her experience, she adds, “If projects are moving along smoothly, deadlines are being met, and you’re feeling good, sometimes a simple email update, including the status of things and next steps on projects, will suffice.”

But again, the number one thing you want to avoid when turning down a one-on-one is to make it seem like you don’t care about the needs of the other person. Instead, frame your request as the more efficient option for both of you or for the team in general. Addressing things over email or Slack “helps create a paper trail to keep everyone accountable,” Nord says. It can also help you loop in the right people at each stage of a project.

When you’re making your ask, it helps to highlight these benefits with a line like, “It’d be great to get some other ideas on this. Why don’t we hash this out on Slack so we can brainstorm with the group?” You can also frame it in the context of your own work style, if that feels more comfortable: “I find it helpful to be able to go back and see who’s tackling what. Can we do this over email so I can keep track?”

Just make sure you follow through on what you’re proposing. “If you push for more communication via email as opposed to in person,” Nord says, “and you’re able to prove the efficacy of that process, you might see yourself getting fewer opaque meeting requests.”

Don’t say yes to a meeting you know will never happen

If you really just don’t have time for this meeting, be clear about it. Don’t make up a scheduling conflict or agree to a weekly sit-down and then cancel most of the sessions day-of. “I am a fan of transparency,” Klein writes. “I’m sorry, I’m swamped this week,” is perfectly acceptable, though if you’d like, you can get a little more specific about everything on your plate. Follow up your no with an offer to cover the meeting items on email or Slack, either now or at a later point when you have more time to spare, so it doesn’t seem like you’re just shutting down the discussion.

If the person requesting the meeting remains insistent on getting some face time with someone, it might be worth (kindly) pawning off the one-on-one on another colleague who’s more willing and able to take it. “Find out if someone else on your team can attend instead, which can serve as a development opportunity for your direct report as well,” Klein writes.

You can say something like, “I’m swamped, but Sharon should have time this week — why don’t you reach out to her to get something on the calendar?” (Obviously, clear this with Sharon first.)

Or just say yes

Remember that in the workplace, there’s really no such thing as an objective waste of time if you have the right perspective. “Wastes of time are subjective,” Smith says. “If you’re the one with the power to cancel the meeting, think about the preciousness of your time against the potential aspirations of your colleague, whether it be their professional advancement or a budgetary ask or whatnot.”

This isn’t all about altruism. Someone wants your thoughts, your ideas, or even just a few minutes to get to know you better — and if you think about it, being in this position is pretty flattering, even if it’s also irritating. You’re seen as someone worth sitting down with, and going through with the sit-down is a way to strengthen that perception. A one-on-one isn’t always the best use of your time in the moment, but it might pay dividends: What benefits your co-worker might also, in the long run, benefit you.