How Do You Date During a Pandemic?
By: Jennifer M. Wilson
Tags: Divorce, Marriage, Relationships, Love, Dating

How Do You Date During a Pandemic?

I chose the wrong time to be single.

Sorry dudes, I don’t look this good on a first date (Photo by Christina Moroz on Unsplash)

As much as separating and divorcing sucks balls, there’s still hope. Hope that the existing pain will finally end and hope for new relationships.

Unless you chose to end your marriage in 2020.

For a lot of us, the pandemic was the catalyst for the end of our relationships. Being cooped up 24/7 was either going to make or break couples. My marriage was on life support before coronavirus so being jailed with my husband was, and still is, nothing short of torture.

Despite the drama, I was excited to finally put my heart somewhere where it wouldn’t get gutted as it did for years. Fortunately for me, I have a profile on a fetish site which means I have an endless list of guys who want to meet me. I’m not saying that because I’m conceited; I’m saying that because supply and demand on a fetish site mean no matter what you look like, if you have a vajayjay you’ll have a long line of suitors.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned that trying to date guys who have seen you naked before they’ve met you is less than ideal.

I know that guys these days ask for naked pictures before first dates (according to my single friends). I have no issues sending suggestive pictures to a guy before a meeting. However, these are guys who have seen my entire body naked for years because it was the only way I could get any male validation since my husband didn’t want to have sex with me.

If you’re naked on a sex site, guys naturally assume that you’ll have sex with them on a date.

I don’t blame them for thinking that way, it’s not like it’s AmishDating.com (no idea if that’s a real dating site, check that URL at your own risk). But there is a lot more sexiness and fun to be had when there’s uncertainty about getting naked. It’s exciting when there’s buildup. There’s no buildup with a guy who has seen you use every sex toy on the planet on your clit.

So where does that leave me?

I should join some clubs. A guy invited me to go indoor rock climbing, which I would enjoy because I can pretend to be athletic. Years ago, I worked with a guy who took dance classes, and from what I recall, it’s hard for guys to find female dance partners. I have no problems hitting up the dance school by me and telling them, “hey if there are guys needing a dance partner who can’t move her feet worth shit, give them my info and I’ll join them.”

But…I’m cockblocked by this new wave of COVID. If you’re not in the United States, then you’re not aware that this country is breaking all kinds of records for daily deaths. In the past week, I’ve had four coronavirus scares (3 of us in my house have had to get tested on different days. Getting a ginormous Q-tip up your cranium isn’t fun.)

I think I’m getting a little too excited to get my dating on (I’ve dabbled a bit but nothing recently because I’m too busy standing in line at urgent care for my nose to be raped by a swab). Thanks to Black Friday and holiday sales, I’ve bought way too many sexy and cute date outfits.

Why would I bother doing that? Indoor dining is closed and I would consider wearing these outfits around the house if my kids weren’t home all the time. My children like to use me as a human napkin and I refuse to get their french-fried greasy fingers on my new dresses.

So that’s the dating life of a newly-single chick in 2020: