“Don’t be a dancer, make the music”- Preacher
By: Moyosore Sheriff Quadri
Tags: Moseries, Satire, Humor, Religion, Sseries

SUSAN SERIES | MO WEEKLY #51

Last week Sunday, I sat in on a sermon, willingly.

To summarise the preacher’s message, using his unedited analogy of the music industry, we (the masses) spend a lot of time listening to “these songs”, raving about them, attending concerts, and inevitably enriching the pockets of the musicians. His point was that, they are making something of themselves while we just “waste our lives” listening. Whereas those who are aspiring to be musicians are not at these concerts but taking countless steps to be famous musicians like the ones we rave about.

He concluded stating that “instead of jubilating foolishly with no purpose, make your own music!” to screams of approval from the congregation, I even let out an “amen brother!”.

I would have considered myself foolish for taking a literal interpretation of his words if he wasn’t so literal about his utterances:

HE SAID: make your own music for people to dance to!

MY THOUGHTS: wait a minute…but you just said…, are you trying to trick us? shouldn’t the dancers also be making their own music? Or are you trying to put us on to stay ahead of the game? What are you? The Messiah?

Touch me wise one!

HE SAID: stop dancing foolishly and get into the studio!

MY THOUGHTS: I don’t think there are enough studios

MY THOUGHTS : If we are foolish for dancing, what and whom are we making music for exactly?

HE COULD HAVE SAID: do you think the first Christians danced to the tune of others? No! they made the music

BUT INSTEAD, HE SAID:The first Christians would cover their ears and run away whenever they heard the tune of unbelievers..

(then he proceeded to run from the altar to the back of the church and back to the altar twice)

MY THOUGHTS : Wow he did all that and isn’t even breathing heavily into the microphone in exhaustion, impressive.

I did not know what to make of what I had just experienced or what it all meant to be honest so I decided to have a chat with a good friend of mine; Susan.

Susan: If he wasn’t being so literal, one could say that he was trying to encourage hard work; not every time following but also leading…

Mo: not every time asking but also giving…

Susan: Funny you’d say that because from what I heard you’re not much of a giver…

Mo: topic!

Susan: sorry

Susan: not every time coming but also swallowing…

Mo: why?- …I’m just going to spell it as ‘coming’ when I write this…

Susan: I’ll be surprised if you include it at all but all of the above and more could have been implied from his sermon if he wasn’t being so literal. Which then begs the question: what was his sermon about?

Mo: Music is the pathway to salvation?

Susan: Do you think he discovered one of the books that wasn’t included in the Bible? Maybe it was all about music

Mo: There are more books?

Susan: yeah, the Bible is essentially the version of events ‘they’ want us to know

Mo: wow, this is all very enlightening but bring it home Sue

Susan: okay, it may seem random that I mentioned the additional books to the bible but the point I was getting at is that just as they excluded those books and our understanding is limited to the official books, the Preacher’s understanding is limited by his intellect and understanding of grammar

Mo: that is by far the loosest connection anyone has made to anything ever but do continue

Susan: shut up, it seems that we would never criticise our religious leaders that show poor reasoning because of the sacredness we attach to anything religious

Mo: yeah, that’s why you’d see some preachers that can’t even communicate adequately being thrown into the front of a congregation and you’re somehow supposed to not make fun of the way they speak. Why even put the congregation in that position to start with?

Susan: Exactly! For something so sacred they literally let ANYONE preach!

Mo: In conclusion, he’s dumb?

Susan: Irredeemably so