Formula V. Breastfeeding
By: Mandy Mehanna-Sugar
Tags: Children, Parenting, Motherhood, Baby, Breastfeeding

A few weeks back I spoke about the dilemma that surrounds most new mothers regarding whether or not she should breastfeed her baby, and I also said that I would one day get back to you and talk about my experience with this subject.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

When I was attempting to make my decision on whether or not to breastfeed, you all know that I was scrutinized for not being 100% sure that I wanted to breastfeed.

Now, after a long nine months of thinking about what I wanted to do, dealing with scrutiny, criticism, and the over-sharing of opinions, I think it is time to hash it out.

When Melody was born it was a mother’s instinct to try and breastfeed.

Yes, I said try.

I know many people now talk about how you can breastfeed as long as you keep the process going, and it’s now become such a trendy subject to talk about.

This may be the case for many people, but it wasn’t the case for me.

People are different, unique, and things of this nature should be a case by case subject of discussion.

I, unfortunately, had a very upsetting experience when it came to breastfeeding.

It was fine on the first few days, having to get the hang of the whole process, then came the breast hardening and absolute pain; I had never seen my breasts the size they became.

I thought that this was a great thing since it meant there was plenty of milk for Mel, but unfortunately, that only lasted for a week.

Once they grew smaller Melody would get angry and would need to eat every thirty minutes and I couldn’t understand why.

The worst part was that Melody stopped growing, and she was so small and unbelievably skinny and it just broke my heart.

Self-blame is another attribute you gain when you become a mother.

I tried every recipe I could find online that would allow me to have more milk and make sure it was healthy for little Melody: from vegetable soup to breastfeeding cookies to tea from HiPP, but none of that worked for me.

I kept saying to myself that it wasn’t a big deal, that she is just slow in growth and that she will soon gain the weight, but she didn’t.

When we went to her one month pediatrician’s appointment, the doctor was definitely not pleased; she looked at Melody and then looked at us and demanded that something change.

We were told that day that Melody at one month old was only 2.9 kilos (6.4 pounds), that I would have to start using formula and bottle feed her because breastfeeding was no longer granting my daughter the amount of nutrients she needed.

The pediatrician told me to keep breastfeeding Mel for the connection to still be there, but it was time to move forward and get Melody to a healthy state.

I have to be honest…

The moment we left the pediatricians’ office, I felt like I had completely and utterly failed my daughter.

How could I have not known that my milk wasn’t enough and have been starving my child for the past month?

I didn’t know how all of this could have happened even though I had had so much milk before and my mind just couldn’t compute all of the thoughts that were going through my head.

Once I started to give Melody formula, everything changed.

She gained the weight, she grew taller and even her mood changed.

She started to sleep more and eat way more than I thought a baby her age could eat.

This was a huge lesson for me.

I didn’t know I would get so attached to breastfeeding and how rewarding it felt at first to have been feeding my daughter; but I sure as hell did my best and once it wasn’t enough my feelings about breastfeeding had to be put aside for Melody’s health and safety.

Thanks to HiPP, the best formula I could have ever picked for Melody, at 5 months, she is on the correct track in regards to her weight, height and is happier than ever.

This just goes to show that no matter which way you go about feeding your child, you have to do what is best for YOUR child not what is best in other peoples’ eyes.

I was confronted by a few people telling me that I didn’t try hard enough or that every woman is made to breastfeed and I should have found a way to keep going, well to those women and people out there: I am sorry to say this but I refuse to starve my child to uphold some invisible commandment regarding breastfeeding.

I believe being a mother means to let go of all those invisible chains and societal requirements, that mean nothing at the end of the day, and do what is best for my child.

Breastfeeding is only good for the baby, if the baby is growing and is as healthy as humanly possible otherwise, it isn’t healthy anymore.

I would have loved to keep breastfeeding Melody and having those amazing moments with her, but it just wasn’t in my cards to do so, and she won’t even care as long as she is fully fed.

Mama Suga Out.