I’m writing a fiction novel that I wanted to finish in six months because I have five more
By: Have Something
Tags: Covid 19, Šport, Startup, Coronavirus, News

I’m writing a fiction novel that I wanted to finish in six months because I have five more Have something Nov 21, 2020·7 min read

And to top it all off, managing my finances became as much of a riddle as the rest as I had alimony, startup support, and more cash into a new relationship. But that one more startup “win” was all I needed.

The studies we conduct at the Center for Healthy Minds (where I am a research scientist) suggest that resilience is a skill, and so is its counterpart on the other end of the spectrum: human flourishing. It turns out we can train our minds and even rewire our brains to be more resilient in the face of challenges and to thrive when things are going well.

It focuses on gratitude and asks for 2–3 priorities for the day, and the opposing lined, blank page meant for jotting down a nagging thought or to-dos as they pop up. Write them down, unclutter your mind, and move on.

I put on the brakes and placed the notebooks on the shelf. I threw the Laws of Attraction planner in the trash. Tossed the idea of colored highlighters and took everything off the corkboard.

Insight refers to our ability to recognize how thoughts, emotions, and beliefs are shaping the way we see the world, and especially how we see ourselves. Take the experience my friend had listening to the morning news. Have you had a similar experience? Hearing all the doom and gloom likely triggered her anxious thoughts and feelings. These thoughts and feelings tend to shape how we see ourselves, other people, and our life as a whole. When your “insight meter” (that is, your level of insight in a given moment) is down, all these perceptions will seem like reality. There won’t be any room to step back and examine what’s really going on, and whether the situation is really as dire as it seems in that moment.

I didn’t accomplish things by using thick planners, task lists, prioritizing, highlighters, and time allocation. If I tried, I ran out of time, all the time and got overwhelmed.

There are many ways to do this. And again, the parallels with physical health are apt. Jogging, by itself, won’t make you perfectly healthy, nor will drinking enough water or practicing good sleep habits. Physical health is complex. We need an “all of the above” strategy or something will inevitably be out of balance. A similar approach is necessary to “grow” a healthy mind. Whether we’re focused on resilience or human flourishing — two core aspects of overall well-being — no one approach will be enough. There are multiple dimensions of well-being and we need strategies that target all of them. So what are these dimensions and how do we strengthen them? And where do we start?Scientists have been studying these questions for decades and have reached some important conclusions. One of the single most important discoveries is that when we are resilient, the most challenging periods of life can fuel growth and self-discovery. Scientists define resilience as the ability to adapt successfully to stress, adversity, and other life challenges. You are likely familiar with PTSD — post-traumatic stress disorder. This is what happens when the brain and nervous system get trapped in a vicious loop following a traumatic event, reliving the fear and anxiety of the experience over and over again. But you may be less familiar with post-traumatic growth. There are times when even extreme adversity doesn’t overwhelm us but instead makes us stronger. In those moments, we learn and grow in powerful ways. We forge positive connections with other people. We clarify our core values and become more focused on what truly matters in life.One of the best strategies to promote resilience and peak mental functioning is to let go of trying to avoid challenges and difficulties and to instead train ourselves to handle them well.

As life got away from me after 2012 because I wanted one more startup “win.” Even a small one. I had done it before in different ways, and I would do it again, I insisted. I overlooked too many things because there were too many puzzles.

In principle, this process is not all that different from physical exercise. Training the body builds our physical immune system. Training the mind builds our mental immune system. To summarize a great deal of scientific research on mental well-being into a singular finding: One of the best strategies to promote resilience and peak mental functioning is to let go of trying to avoid challenges and difficulties and to instead train ourselves to handle them well.

But the process of making choices and decisions after 2012 got obscured by the clutter, and it ultimately led to frustration and failure in multiple areas, and all the puzzles falling to the floor.

A funny thing happened when I took a minimalist approach to prioritize my daily life. I realized that it’s how I used to run my life for years. Uncluttered office. One notebook. One laptop that only had Office loaded. And a planner that fits in my pocket.

Before 2012, the only way I accomplished anything was to take life one riddle at a time. That type of focus helped to create sound motivations and controlled impulsivity. As a result, life usually turned out the way I expected.

I’m feeling better about myself. I’m sleeping better. I’m not producing the volume of Medium articles I need because several other priorities needed completing first, but I’m now working a Medium strategy every day, and I know I will get there.

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I recently caught up with an old friend who shared an experience that many of us can relate to. A few weeks ago, she got up in the morning and listened to a news podcast, like she does every day. And like every day, the news was filled with ominous stories and dire predictions. More and more coronavirus deaths. Political chaos. Lost jobs and school closures. She’d been hearing similar reports day after day for months, but on this particular day, her mind just snapped. She couldn’t take it. The thought of helping her kids get through the school day, making sure her elderly parents were safe and healthy, getting her work done on time, and the endless list of chores and unfinished tasks building up on her to-do list — all of it became too much to handle. All she could do was crawl back into bed and stare at the ceiling, hoping that she could simply close her eyes and make it all disappear.

Moments of insight happen spontaneously all the time, but we don’t have to sit around and wait for them to happen. We can train our minds to experience more insight. Studies have shown that meditation and other forms of mental training allow us to recognize when our thoughts and feelings are hijacking the way we see ourselves, and see the world, which then gives us the opportunity to shift the way we relate to our memories, expectations, and beliefs. Instead of all these mental phenomena distorting the way we see the world (like a defective pair of glasses), we can take the glasses off and inspect them. In scientific terms, this is referred to as the shift from a “narrative mode” of experience that is heavily influenced by our thoughts and emotions to an “experiential mode” that is focused on the here and now, and less so on all our beliefs and assumptions. There is even evidence that this shift corresponds to a related shift in brain activity.

And referring to Emerson’s Riddle, I could not identify and put together the correct puzzle pieces following divorce. And that led to developing poorly understood motivations and ill-advised impulses.

My friend was one of the lucky ones. She was able to take that day off — which gave her the space to recharge. She woke up the next morning with a little more energy and confidence and made a conscious choice to avoid the news. But there are times when it’s not so easy to get our head back in the game. When we get so overwhelmed that no amount of rest is enough, or we don’t have the luxury of taking the time and space we need to hit our inner reset button. So what can we do in these challenging times? How can we possibly be resilient when it feels as though the world is falling apart all around us?

In contrast, when your “insight meter” is up, you might notice all of this playing out in your mind. You can recognize that the information you’re hearing is triggering certain thoughts, and those thoughts are prompting you to fixate on all the bad things that might happen and completely ignore more positive outcomes. This ability to pause and notice your own thoughts and emotions and examine how they are influencing your perception defuses rumination. You might still have the same thoughts and feelings, but you can recognize that they are not necessarily true or accurate.

The scientific model that informs my team’s approach to well-being focuses on four pillars of a healthy mind that can be strengthened through training: awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. All four are central to well-being. In other words, when we are fully present and more focused (awareness), we’re more resilient, and we’re at the top of our game when things are going well. The same is true when we feel more connected to other people (connection), and when we have core values and a sense of purpose that inspires and motivates us (purpose). Some of these factors may seem obvious, but the one that is perhaps least clear is the role of insight.

I transferred technology out of a university, established a startup with lab space in Boston while I lived in Raleigh, began a new relationship with a single mother that turned into a commitment, attended investor meetings nearly every week, and met with individual angel investors — no wonder I switched to a thick planner and highlighters.

But the process of making choices and decisions after 2012 got obscured by the clutter, and it ultimately led to frustration and failure in multiple areas, and all the puzzles falling to the floor.