Me, with a 20% of not being ok.
By: Not A Role Model
Tags: Solutions, Emotions, Sadness, Feelings, Negativity

Coping with negative thoughts

How to cope with not feeling okay (1), and ways to overcome it (2).

We all have good days and bad days. And one of the ways I’ve learnt to deal with the influx of emotions that come with them is by exercising control. A friend once told me, “ whatever helps you sleep at night.” But, often times, we don’t know how to figure out what helps, and so this is for those of you who are in that position right now.

Some nights I lay in bed at the end of the day, feeling great that I managed to accomplish one goal, and I tell myself, “I did something today! Yay!”

Some nights I feel beaten down, even though I managed to do more than what I expected of myself. On nights like this, I curl up in bed and wonder if I’m being too hard on myself.

Most nights, I find myself writing to figure out why I’m feeling the way that I do, which helps me realise that it’s not about how much I do, but about what I DON’T do. So, here’s a reminder,

When your sadness overrides your many other moods. Just remember that each part of you deserves equality & you are allowed to be the way you are.

Ways To Cope With Negative Emotions

SELF-CARE

Personally, what works for me is taking a long, steaming hot shower. It helps me relax; and because I don’t have my phone with me, I’m forced to be left with my thoughts, allowing me to better examine them and focus on cleaning myself. I always leave the bathroom feeling so much better. This can be explained here.

There are 6 types of self-care. Find what helps enlighten you most to help you feel better:

Physical | Massages, Seeing A Doctor, Food, Rest etc

Social | Brunch with friends, calling your mom, dining out with your significant other etc.

Practical | Making a grocery list for the week, organising your room, creating a budget etc.

Psychological | Meditation, DIY projects, Journaling etc.

Spiritual | Yoga, Volunteering, Going to Church etc.

Emotional | Talking to someone, exploring a new hobby, organising your thoughts with me in (2) below.

Here are some common and effective self-care examples that works for a lot of us:

Crying (Physical)

There are days when we’re simply just tired or burnt out! In that case, recognise your efforts. Cry if you need to. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re exhausted and that you’ve tried your best. In fact, crying comes with many health benefits, one of which is that it naturally releases good feeling chemicals in your body. You can read more about the benefits of crying here. Now, I’m not saying that crying solves all of our problems, but if you’re already choked up, learn to let the tears fall. It’s okay.

Exercise (Physical)

You’ve probably heard this one many times: exercising releases endorphins that help improve your overall mood, and it also helps you focus on your movements or breathing instead of giving in to your emotions. This might help you feel a little more positive, calm, and energetic. You can read more about how exercising impacts your brain here. Exercising ranges from light activities like strolling around the park, dancing, to running or hitting the weights in the gym. Remember that you should only do what is enjoyable for you!

Comedy (Emotional)

“Laughter is the best medicine.” It sure is! Humour is a great self-care method. This method is as easy as tapping your screen a few times to watch your favourite show(s). Additionally, laughing comes with many psychological and physiological benefits. Read about ways you can use humour as self-care here.

Overcoming Negative Emotions by organising your thoughts (2)

A Thought clarification Template

This is a template that I have created for myself to figure out how to cope with confusing emotions that overwhelms and consumes the person that I hope to be.

What happened? (Mindfulness)

Do you know what happened? If so, great. If not, let’s figure it out.

Maybe something happened recently and you’ve been so busy working on other things that you’ve only managed to realise it now.

A lot of the time, we find it difficult to figure things out because we ask ourselves the wrong questions. Did something happen or not happen recently? What did or did not happen?

2. How did it make you feel? (Identify & Challenge your thoughts)

Step 1. Identify the following:

i. Emotions triggered right now (e.g. angry, sad, disappointed)

ii. Situation: what kind of environment were you in? (e.g. stressful, peaceful, happy)

iii. What triggered this sudden realisation that you’re unhappy? (e.g. any object, words?)

Step 2. Challenge your thoughts | Sometimes, what causes us to overreact emotionally are beliefs that are exaggerated or distorted. So in step 2, ask yourself:

Are you mind-reading? Fortune-telling? Assuming an intention? Magnifying/catastrophizing? Are you feeding into uncommunicated expectations?

3. Did you communicate your thoughts? (Take ownership of your thoughts)

In a hyper-aroused emotional state, it is always important to communicate your thoughts. This helps you identify a different viewpoint. Journaling your thoughts is a way that can help you organise them, just as seeking a second point of view helps you better understand the situation instead of only seeing it in a self-assessed viewpoint (which in most cases, causes bias and perpetuates an unwillingness to face the issue).

4. Can you do something about it? (Take Action)

Depending on your situation, use these questions to take action accordingly:

What can you do? | Where can you get help? | Get an explanation on why these things happen. |When can this be dealt with? Do you need more time?| Is there someone you need to talk to? | How can you work on improving things?

5. A reminder to breathe.

Sometimes the best way to deal with feeling like crap is to take a breather. Put your phone down for 5 minutes and just breathe for a bit. If you realise that you pick your phone up even before the 5 minutes hit, consider setting a timer. Give yourself the 5 minute mental break you deserve.

That’s all you have to do!

I really hope that this template helps you understand WHY you don’t feel okay, or at least, sets you on a path to figure that out better. Based on that awareness, I hope this helps give you an idea of what you can do to feel a sense of resolve on your end. Being upset is never pleasant and is exhausting, but learning to handle it better by taking complete ownership of your emotions can make it just a tiny bit better. Conflict is the beginning of consciousness. Finding answers to why you’re not okay, can help make you okay.