Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder from an older female standpoint:
By: Saadia Mai
Tags: Autism, Spectrum Disorder

Self-Reflection upon watching the YouTube Video: “ The beautiful reality of autism | Guy Shahar | TEDxWandsworth — YouTube

This December 2016 YouTube video clip is a moving story about the parents commitment to help their little boy and in doing so, extend their understanding of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I kept writing notes, which is my personal marker that a story resonates with me.

The father, Guy Shahar, found out that an autistic person needs an environment fee of sensory stimulation; and even more so, needs an environment free of emotional and social demands, specifically the unexpressed fears, doubts and other emotions exuded by parents and other persons. The autistic person desperately needs to develop an inner sense of trust which then allows the person to develop tolerance to outer stresses. Only then can the autistic person become engaged and communicative with others. What a profound insight to share! This shook me to the core, with my inner self saying, “yes, yes, that is it!’

So the speaker (parent Guy Shahar) posits: “what if the autistic condition is simply one of profound sensitivity — i n a positive sense — not one of incapacity or disability? He states that the autistic condition is one of genuine selfless goodwill and idealism; that autistic persons are so connected to outside conditions that is is almost impossible to prevent being overloaded.

Yes, I recall a major meltdown 20 years ago, when I was crying my heart out and trying to explain to my bewildered husband, how I felt that I was reacting to everything and everyone in life; that life was unbearable; that I was constantly overwhelmed… I just did not know how to go on. That was one of the shattering turning points in my life, because I had to pick myself up, build up the walls again and again, in order to keep living. I have learned a lot since then.

Is the autistic person too sensitive, too soft? I recall many times while I was growing up, my parents would chastise me for something or other, and I would feel incredibly hurt and lash out in distress. In later years, the hurt feelings would come out as anger and hostility. Yes, I was told that I was too sensitive. On my side, I felt that I was always giving my ultimate best, so any criticism of me to do better felt like suppression of my authentic self, a denial to accept me as I am. That has always been a killer feeling all my life. Rejection sends me into a mute retreat, not to bother speaking up, not to bother showing up in life, life is pointless, just keep your head down and stay put to survive. No one, not even my nearest and dearest, understand me. I have always navigated life alone. I am 64 now, and things all of a sudden, finally make sense.

Guy Shahar says that autistic people only want to bring positivity and support to others yet frequently are forced to function in an intolerable world. Eventually, our autistic neuro-pathways realign to conform to the world’s understanding of a disability. But we are not disabled nor incapacitated.

Then he showed a very short video clip made by the National Autistic Society in UK, “Too Much Information: Could You Stand More Than a Minute in a Shopping Center?” Although the video portrays a young child, I felt the message resonate deeply within me, and I collapsed in tears. Yes, I know the feeling about overwhelming sensations, and the need to keep myself grounded by shutting out the world. Finally someone understands.