Healing From A Mother Wound Pt 4: Overcoming Emotional and Mental Burn Outs (Scroll Down for Audio Track )
By: The Diary Of A Black Man, Td Bm
Tags: Manhood, Healing, Masculinity, Healing From Trauma, Self Improvement

Healing From A Mother Wound Pt 4: Overcoming Emotional and Mental Burn Outs (Scroll Down for Audio Track )

Photo by Joseph Balzano on Unsplash

Dear Thoughts,

We are finally here on part 4 of Healing from a Mother Wound! This has been one hell of a process!

An American astronomer, Carl Sagan, stated,

“You have to know the past to understand the present.”

And he couldn’t have been more right! Reflecting on my past has provided me the opportunity to understand and notice the deep frustration toward my mother, women, and myself that I experience today. Plus, it allowed me to answer the question:

How has my mom’s relationship influenced my intimate relationships?

which were:

1.Emotional Trust issues. 2.The Weight of her dependency. 3.Emotional detachment. 4. Emotional and mental burnouts.

Time to keep it transparent, my beloved thoughts — here’s to Part 4: Overcoming Emotional and Mental Burn Outs.

Filling In Shoes That Didn’t Fit

Everybody experience mental and emotional burnouts; I discovered most of my burnouts derived from the expectations I created during my childhood.

Majority of my childhood, I always wondered, “What it meant to be a man?” Growing up, I heard phrases like, “You are becoming the man of the house!”; “Suck it up and be a man”; even, “Can you just be a Man.” But I had no clue.

My biological Father wasn’t present, every male my mother brought around I paid no attention to, and many of my friends’ Father, well, they worked! Plus, any Black Man representation on media was either a raper with Bitches and money, an athlete with bitches and money, or a Drug Dealer with — you guessed it, bitches and money. Excuse my language; women were heavily called that back then.

So what did I do? I fake the title! I piece together everything I knew about Manhood to assert my own. In my eyes, a man represented

“A person who problems solved rather if he knew the answer or not; they protect what’s important by any mean necessary; they make orders and do not settle; they play sports and embrace pain with no tears; They are responsible for anything his hands touched! Lastly, you guessed it, he made money and had Bitches!”

Some of these traits are excellent qualities and very needed in many cases, except calling women out their name.

However, at a young age, I miserably failed in those expectations, and having a Mother, who I admit only wanted the best for her son, did not relieve these disappointments but added to them. As I felt like I was failing as a man, there have been times in my youth, she vocalized, “I failed her.” I get it now that her tactic was meant for me to act right, but I felt like I had to prove myself for a long time.

I learned from my mother that I needed to take action when problems manifested and follow orders to be a Man. However, hardly receiving validation for my efforts, I view them as defeats, thus I collected defeated after a defeat and carried them all the way to adulthood! I forced myself to wear a fabricated shoe to assert my Manhood all the through college.