Chapter 4: Work! To be l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ appreciated?
By: Nous Pilgrim
Tags: Hopes And Dreams, Christian Living, Career Development, Thoughts And Feelings

In my last post, I briefly mentioned of my experience as a new taxpayer. Shattered expectations, sour attitudes and of God’s covering grace toward me.

Picking up on that last thought trail…

My work was exemplary as per my seniors point of view. My CEO couldn’t be more happy: he mentioned to my supervisor that she should look into hiring staff that at least met the standard I had set (**applause**). Now, in retrospect, I’m reminded of a prophecy I received in my sixth year of engineering from one of the Christian Union alumni on a weekend they had come to visit the church at my university. Paraphrasing it, it was in the tune of my work would always shine because I had been given a gift of excellence and that I should always accord this to God as it lifted me higher and higher.

When sulking in bitterness the last thing on believers minds is of the prophecies they received to help lift them from such a place. I was no exception. I completely forgot that prophecy and I’m only now seeing it’s significance in my life. Oh the pain I would have been spared if I was actively seeking the Holy Spirit’s counsel regarding my career. I had a blinding desire for more money so much so I couldn’t think straight.

Eight months into my employment, I had a conversation with my CEO. He wanted to know my thoughts about the other departments. One of our top engineers was resigning and he was restructuring to strengthen the other departments. I was on his list of potential candidates to do this. Unbeknownst to him, I was at the peak of my bitterness. I dismissed the work the other departments did and quickly closed off that discussion. About two months later when the engineer finally left, two new staff were hired. One was allocated to the department I had dismissed and was given an entry salary the rest of us could have only wished for.

Just like that, I blew off that opportunity that would have probably been mine. To make myself feel better about it, I often tell myself that I wasn’t ready for the responsibilities that new job role would have come with. It’s the only way to feel less of an idiot.

The world around us is moving even when we feel like it has stopped for us for whatever reason. Be it because of any kind of loss, or being stuck in a bad situation.

This unexpected turn of events slapped some bit of sense in to me. The company was going to keep moving forward with or without me. It dawned on me that management had no responsibility toward my career growth, and they weren’t going to be subtle about ingraining this in me either.

Four months later, a new department was being formed and seeing as God’s gift in me was still actively undoing the effects of the sour attitude I had toward work, I still ended being top on the list to join it. At this point, a good number of staff had just quit and we were bleeding from where they had detached themselves. Joining this department meant trying to undo the damage their departure was doing. It wasn’t going to be easy but I accepted it.

After the previous experience and realizing that something was gravely wrong, I had been slowly allowing the Holy Spirit to help me out of the pit I had dug myself in, so while I wasn’t thrilled that the new role didn’t come with any salary increment and would have more responsibilities I accepted it. With this, my second year as a taxpayer kicked off.

I would like to say that it was all roses from there, but it wasn’t. The pay still bugged me. The hours were worse in my new role and that bugged. I was now an escalation point which basically meant any unpleasant tasks and clients were dumped at my desk, and this bugged me! This time round though, I knew better.

Doing away with a bad attitude is no easy task. It is like a festering wound that just doesn’t want to be touched. I took on some drastic measures to help me at the very least not add to whatever negativity I had. I stopped going to lunch with my colleagues since at lunch is where all the staff unloaded their frustrations on each other. When my colleagues started a conversation that was meant to shed light on all the shortcomings of management, I’d quickly find a way to cut it off, or place myself in a “I can’t relate” position so that they know I’m not the person to speak to if you are looking for some kind of validation.

While I haven’t been able to completely do away with the pent up anger and frustration I was carrying, or handle all situations that would build on it in a “guarding my heart” manner, I’d say I have come quite a long way. When my company was going through a rough patch a few months back, I was able to give myself, time and energy, to helping us out of it in a big way. I even surprised myself during that time. True to His Word, God opened up a position in one of the departments I had dismissed sixteen months before and I was the best candidate for it. It did come with a pay rise this time round.

Even now in my new role, I still have some attitude problems since the role has it’s own set of problems, but after two years of fighting this battle, I’m much better at reconciling life’s events with God’s Word. Being in a more ‘senior’ position, a negative attitude can at times be more apparent than before, but now more than ever, God’s grace keeps abounding toward me and covering me. My colleagues are of the thought that I’m okay with the money, with management and the company policies since I don’t join the discussions bashing them (as often as they would like). The reality though is that I do have issues with the money and management and some company policies. I have moments when I want to (and occasionally do) sulk and wallow because of what I perceive to be misfortunes in my life. The truth that beats even that reality though is that I am actively working towards not letting any of those things get into my heart as they once did. I know I have much ahead of me and I can’t let the current events distract me from what awaits me.

Bitterness is not a garment for the Christ believing soul. Praise is. Bitterness is not what should fill my heart. The joy and peace of the Lord is.

This coming year, 2021, according to the abundant grace and gifting given to me by God, I hope to push my career at my current company to the highest peak it could ever get. That will mean a radical change in any residual unproductive attitude I have, and a consistent reliance on God so I don’t let up at any one point. My desire is that this third year as a taxpayer not only wipe away the unpleasantness of the last two, but that it also be the year I begin the truly epic and intentional journey of the will of God for my life.

I may not boldly and without a doubt say that I love my job, what I do know about it is that I appreciate it. I appreciate the person it has shaped me to become so far. I appreciate that I’m able to pay my bills consistently and enjoy some life pleasantries because of the revenue I get from it. Above all, I appreciate that it has helped me see my helplessness when I try to do things of my own strength and the effectiveness of God’s work when I yield to Him.

The music accompanying this episode is Kalley Heiligenthal’s In the Middle of It.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoGyn5dm8sk