Self-Care in the Age of Constant Connection: 10 Tips
By: Nuance Media
Tags: Self Care, Healing, Health, Life Lessons, Feminism

Self-Care in the Age of Constant Connection: 10 Tips

Things that have helped me escape digital exhaustion that might work for you too

by Anonymust

Illustration by Frizz Kid

‘Healing is not linear.’

These words, written by Toronto-based artist Frizz Kid, encapsulate the journeys of survivors from emotional, sexual, and physical trauma. Good days are treasured, and bad days are intolerable; some days are a mix of both.

As a survivor of my own traumas, and through experience and age, I am self-aware of the volatility of my emotions and thoughts. This self-awareness has helped me heal from many traumas. The hardest step for me has always been verbalizing my emotions; once they are identified, and I know what it is that I am feeling, I can remedy or soothe it.

My process of healing is also supported by medication, exercise, and meditation, all of which adequately control my episodes of anxiety and depression by stabilizing my heart rate, breathing, and thoughts. While these three pillars have helped me especially over the last year, I can’t help but fall into emotional ups and downs as a result of my surroundings.

While I may be in a place where I am no longer a direct recipient of the stressors and abuse I have endured previously, there is a world around me that is ceaselessly inflicting and inflicted by merciless pain. Reminders of racism, sexual assault, and gender-based violence are difficult to avoid in the digital age. We are constantly connected to various outlets and to all of the people in our networks. We absorb emotions from strangers and from acquaintances.

As we increase our human-to-human connectivity, we also increase the emotional burdens we bear. My phone means my friends have 24/7 access to communicate with me. Social media means that many headlines leave me feeling helpless as I become overwhelmed by the pain around me.

As oppressed communities, we sympathize and feel the need to help those who are also in pain. At the same time, every message I read, every negative tweet I read reminds of my own experiences. I become emotionally engulfed, and then I feel overwhelmed. My healing gets hindered.

Sometimes I feel selfish when the thought of others’ suffering resonates with me for my own personal reasons. While I want to be aware and while I want to help everyone I can, I struggle with the thought that helping others often takes an emotional toll on me.

It frustrates me that I haven’t healed fully from my past, and it upsets me that there are so many things getting in the way of my completed healing. This selfishness is a complicated emotion to navigate through.

I have been lucky enough to have the support of strong, women of colour as my mentors who remind me time and time again, that no work can be done if I am not in the right mindset, if I am not doing the most to take care of myself first and foremost.

In the age of social media, it is difficult to escape reminders of personal traumas. Leaving social media platforms entirely — while a viable option for some — is difficult when your day-to-day job requires you to use social media.

Escaping does not always build the resiliency many of us seek. I use social media professionally, but I also use it for my news and to stay connected with my friends, most of whom I don’t see regularly. I need that connection, but I also need space. Being connected all the time is often burdensome, and I actively seek quiet spaces when I can.

For when I must be on social media, here are some things I do to balance my emotions, ease my pain and ensure that my personal process of healing is not too hindered by otherwise difficult and incapacitating content.

#1 — I have befriended the Mute Feature

Twitter allows users to mute the accounts they are following without notifying the other person. This is great for topical news. However, a better and lesser-known Twitter feature is muting words and hashtag from your timeline. Learn more about this feature here. I did this for #MeToo as the stories of survivors of sexual assault became overwhelming and pressuring. Everyone heals differently, and such campaigns can be empowering for certain people and suffocating for others.

#2 — I list out my favourites

Make a self-care list on Twitter. Whether it is animal accounts, funny memes or affirmation-based art, create a list of accounts that you can refer back to cheer yourself up. Detoxify your timeline with something positive.

#3 — I cleanse my accounts when needed. It’s never that serious

It is okay to unfriend a bigoted acquaintance from high school. It is okay to unfollow someone from Instagram who is keen on aggressively expressing their views on their story. Do it. Right now. You are your only priority.

#4 — I remember that I do not owe anyone a reaction

I am all about reacting to what’s going on in the world, and sometimes I find I do it too often. Apathy is not desirable for me, and I associate apathy with my depressive episodes. I react to things and am quite animated in that regard as I find I enjoy exploring my emotions outside of sadness and upset. However, most times I find there is just too much to react to, and then I remember that not every reaction needs to be shared, and not everything needs a response.

As humans, reactive behaviour is natural. However, to maintain healthy minds, we must learn to process and move on. Do not let bad news simmer. You are allowed to feel sad about the news but you do not have to bear the burden of every problem out there. Once you feel exhausted, it’s okay to stop reading and responding. The news will be there tomorrow.

#5 — I limit my time on social media

If you must use social media, use it sparingly or with limits. Give yourself a two hour daily allowance, or however much is suited for you, and stick to that. Go on social media on your commutes, in between activities.

#6 — I turn off most of my notifications

Something I do when needed is give myself a weekend or a day or an evening away from notifications. Constant emotional and social demands from group chats can be exhausting. When I really need my alone time, I let my networks know that I will be away for some time, but reachable by phone call. I mute the notifications from all of my apps. If something were to happen, I am always there to answer phone calls. Otherwise, I can be at peace without the need to check my phone quite often. I also find that when I do this, I become more productive and that helps me feel better overall. I feel like I have a purpose, and the satisfaction of checking things off my to-do list is quite empowering.

#7 — I breathe

I took stress management course in the final year of my undergraduate degree. Unfortunately, such a class was not available in first year, otherwise, I would have been spared stressful nights and periodic academic-influenced panic attacks.

One of the most useful tricks I learned was a daily breathing exercise: a five (5) second inhale and a seven (7) second exhale. Do this for five minutes daily, or however long you see fit, or whenever you feel stressed physically. One major sign of my stress is my increase in heart rate.

When I hear bad news, am faced with a social dilemma, or see someone I know suffering, my physical body reacts in conjunction with my emotions. This breathing exercise stabilizes my breathing and heart rate. I keep the 5:7 ratio in mind. When I started this exercise, breathing was difficult, and I found myself getting dizzy from losing air. Eventually, over time, this became a regular practice and breathing was easy.

#8 — I practice additional self-care routinely

I love Meditation Oasis. I drink water and non-caffeinated teas only. I make it a point to exercise three times a week. I have a morning playlist that puts me in the right mindset from the start of the day, despite any anxiety I may feel waking up. Find a handful of things that make you happy, and integrate them into your daily routine. This will redirect your attention from the connections and emotions and trauma around you. I set reminders on my phone to breathe and take breaks during busier periods of my life.

#9 — I write down happy memories, thoughts or ideas for future referral

In negative moments, I sometimes feel helpless and hopeless. It is by reminding myself of positive memories of the past that I remember that positive things are to come. As a teenager, I had a jar of happy memories that I would open on bad days. Now I have a small journal and a small note on my phone.

#10 — I journal

This final point is interesting because I am writing to you now. Journaling my thoughts is how I express myself without feeling like I am burdening others. My anxiety manifests itself in a way that I feel like me sharing my emotions is often burdensome to others. My journal is where I write freely and stay expressive. Ironic isn’t it? In a world full of ways to communicate, I choose to communicate the most in a space that is entirely my own. There is no better connection than one to yourself.

While everyone is unique in their healing, it is important to remind ourselves that our own physical and mental health is the most important thing. It is very easy to get engulfed into bad news be it from a friend or from your timeline. I hope that some of these practices are useful to you, but remember that these are ideas that are best suited for me. You will find that some work for you, and others don’t. Find your healing strategy, and find your peace, however you choose.