The Beauty of a Hand-Written Letter
Tags: Letters, Growth, Writing, Relationships, Beyourself

Image from Laura Marcuet

Like most, I am on my computer a lot these days. Working, learning, reading, writing… screen time feels a bit nonstop. Adding to this constant technology attachment, some of the only ways to connect — especially with the lovely COVID in effect — is through the means of a keyboard… how brutal is that?!

I needed to change this… and to my surprise, my bloodshot eyes, headachey head and tired mind (don’t we all love the effects of computer overuse), all have since thanked me:

Now I use my heart to write instead of my hands to type.

My change started as a way to continue to be my fathers daughter. You can almost always find me trailing — more like fumbling — along in my Dads footsteps. I have always attempted to accomplish all that he has (… calling this a challenging undertaking would be an understatement). So, when my father turned 50 in 2020, he set himself a list of ‘things to do’. All of these ‘things’ had to be done 50 times, within the timespan of his 50th year. One of the boxes to be ticked on the list was ‘50 Hand- Written Letters’. I was the lucky recipient of 3 of these letters… each one bringing a smile to my face and a couple tears to my eyes.

Fast forward to 2021, I set myself a ‘To Do List’ for the year… and surprise surprise, guess what was at the top of the list? Write hand- written letters. 60 to be exact (I had to try to one up my Dad a bit). 5 letters each month. And to make it a bit more difficult, the letters all had to be to different individuals. No repeats.

Thank goodness for social media; I definitely did not ‘know’ 60 people… let alone 60 different mailing addresses. I sent out a message, briefly describing what I was planning to do, on both my facebook and Instagram. 24 hours later, I had all the mailing addresses I needed (+ a few extra); each one ready to receive a letter.

At the moment, I am 40 letters deep. Some letters are easier to write to others; a five-page letter to someone close compared to a sentence to someone I have grown distant with can take the same amount of time. As well, it would be impossible to describe the concoction of those who I have written to: family members, best friends, long forgotten ‘enemies’, teachers, crushes, strangers. The list goes on. There is one commonality between all of them though:

With each letter, I feel so much love.

Simply writing a letter instantly puts me in a better mood. No matter what I write about, or who I write to. Taking the time to connect with both myself and someone else — using something other than a piece of technology — really is beautiful.

And of course, because I am a research assistant, I had to try and prove my emotions with some research. Lucky for me, this wasn’t too much of a challenge. A recent study by Stefan et al (2021), titled ‘The Impact of Gratitude Letters and Visits on relationships, Happiness, Well-Being, and Meaning of Gratitude Students’, found that individuals who write gratitude letters experience a personal growth, a more positive reflection on life, a change in perspective, a positive impact on their relationships as well as the ability to express themselves more completely emotionally. Science literally tells us that by writing a letter to someone else, your life will get better.

In addition to the improvement of life that I get from just writing, stamping, and mailing some paper, I also (almost always) receive a grateful reply — talk about a double win. I predominantly receive a typed response, which is completely okay with me. But sometimes I will get a letter, which feels pretty great too! Although this is something I never expect or ask for, it truly is the best to get an unexpected note from someone, saying that you had a positive impact on their day.

Now, if all of these points haven’t been convincing enough, I think it is particularly important to highlight that writing a letter is an extraordinarily easy to do… literally all that is needed is a pen and paper (plus maybe some stamps and an envelope if it is being sent elsewhere). From there, the mind takes over… if anything, I have found that ending a letter is harder than starting one.

Although I am no expert (at anything), I have come up with a couple of things that I try to keep in mind when writing to someone about something that is more than just a ‘check in… what’s new?’, letter:

Keep the intro brief: Although it is always nice to give some sense of ‘opening’, make sure it doesn’t take up the entire letter. I have found that once and a while I will go into a default of only ask how an individual is doing, rather than communicating my own feelings (hopefully in a constructive way that will actually increase the mood of the receiver — making the initial question a bit redundant if we’re being honest).

Although it is always nice to give some sense of ‘opening’, make sure it doesn’t take up the entire letter. I have found that once and a while I will go into a default of only ask how an individual is doing, rather than communicating my own feelings (hopefully in a constructive way that will actually increase the mood of the receiver — making the initial question a bit redundant if we’re being honest). Have an idea: Something that I struggle with once and a while, especially if the letter I am writing is going to an individual I do not know well, is that it is hard to develop a ‘plot’. To solve this issue, I often times resort to previous thoughts, feelings, or experiences I have had with the individual. I then use this as a starting point to highlight and write about a memory the receiver and I share. I also have gone to the extent of looking the individual up on social media (sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures) … by doing this, I am able to find something that they have recently done or accomplished and frame the body of the letter around this. Not only is this personalized, but it shows the investment, time, and consideration you have had while constructing a letter. As well, it can be quite fascinating to watch as a brief thought or idea snowballs once it is started as a sentence on paper.

Something that I struggle with once and a while, especially if the letter I am writing is going to an individual I do not know well, is that it is hard to develop a ‘plot’. To solve this issue, I often times resort to previous thoughts, feelings, or experiences I have had with the individual. I then use this as a starting point to highlight and write about a memory the receiver and I share. I also have gone to the extent of looking the individual up on social media (sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures) … by doing this, I am able to find something that they have recently done or accomplished and frame the body of the letter around this. Not only is this personalized, but it shows the investment, time, and consideration you have had while constructing a letter. As well, it can be quite fascinating to watch as a brief thought or idea snowballs once it is started as a sentence on paper. Don’t write it if it isn’t ready: This one is a bit contradictory to this entire post, but what I mean is that it is never a good idea to force the process of writing — particularly when it is to someone or about something that is important. For example, I recently wrote a letter to a past acquaintance whom I have always felt intimidated by. I was extremely uncomfortable with communicating these thoughts and feelings until I had practiced basically 39 times… Finally, I was able to do it (enjoyably, might I add), to bring me to letter 40. The take away here is always leave room for compassion… if it is not the right time or place to write something down, don’t push it… it will come.

This one is a bit contradictory to this entire post, but what I mean is that it is never a good idea to force the process of writing — particularly when it is to someone or about something that is important. For example, I recently wrote a letter to a past acquaintance whom I have always felt intimidated by. I was extremely uncomfortable with communicating these thoughts and feelings until I had practiced basically 39 times… Finally, I was able to do it (enjoyably, might I add), to bring me to letter 40. The take away here is always leave room for compassion… if it is not the right time or place to write something down, don’t push it… it will come. Use the heart: Going off of all the previously stated points, be sure that the heart is included in whatever is written. I always try to include a sentence about how ‘I feel’, how something ‘made me feel’, or what I ‘hope to feel’. This way, there is emotion, love, and value put into whatever is being communicated. Additionally, others love to know the effect that they have had, and by integrating feeling into writing, there is a peeling back of layers. An opportunity to share the impact.

Without question, technology is still used as my main form of communication (… although it would be pretty funny if I just decided that the only way others could reach me was through the archaic act of handwritten letters… maybe I should get myself a carrier pigeon?). This being said, being able to connect with just five other individuals in a unique — and forgotten — way each month, is something I hold dearly close to my heart now. It is something that I will do far beyond my goal of 60.

It is something that provides me with the opportunity to share my heart on paper. How beautiful is that?