Rising above rejection at work
Tags: Self Improvement, Work, Lifehacks

Photo by Clique images/ unsplash

My first experience of rejected work was when I was a kid at school. An incorrectly written essay resulted in my book being flung out of the window. The shame, the anger, the resentment I felt, was inexplicable. I threw tantrums and screamed (at home, of course), but I just could not get over the rejection, despite interventions and advice from my family.

After some days of seething with righteous anger, a friend said to me, “Why don’t you try writing the essay again. Maybe you will be able to do a better job this time.”

I considered this advice, and being a teenager, advice from a friend made more sense than the same advice from my mom; so I went ahead and rewrote the essay. As you can imagine, the teacher loved it. She smiled and said she knew that I had the potential to hand over an exceptional piece of writing and she was glad I made a second attempt. To top it all my essay got printed in the school magazine. All’s well that ends well, right?

No, not at all. What is important is the lesson learnt. But I did not learn from this. Maybe I was too immature, maybe I was just not thinking. But every time after that, each piece of rejected work would result in an explosion. I would throw my hands up and basically rave and rant about the injustice of it all.

Moving on to present times, I’ve carved a career in the service industry, which requires me to showcase creative concepts , ideas and strategies. This being said, rejections at work have become common place. But my knee jerk reactions to rejections ensured that I had quite a number of experiences that lead to more rejections, sending me spiraling down to the zone of self pity.

But a few years ago, a rejection from an important client made me think. And instead of throwing a tantrum, I decided to remain calm and detached to assess the situation. My realisations that day were a turning point in my life.

This is what I concluded:

REJECTIONS: If taken positively, they help us reach our full potential. If taken negatively, they can turn into a nasty viscous cycle of negativity and self-doubt and will actually lead to more rejections.

That day onwards I decided to clean up my act and stop reacting negatively to rejections. To this end, I’ve developed 4 hacks to trick my mind into converting rejections into positive comebacks:

‘It’s not me’:

There are numerous reasons why work is rejected. More often than not, the reasons for rejection can be attributed to the current emotional and physical state of the ‘rejector’. I call them ‘rejector mental blocks. Try to think of scenarios that may have lead to a mental block, and thereby rejection (I strongly recommend NOT to share these reasons with the rejector)

My favorite ‘rejector mental blocks’ are:

Maybe he’s sick

She’s fought with her husband

She’s been reprimanded by her boss and this is her way to let it out

He’s fed up with his job

This concept has brought up a bad memory

Although these may not be the actual reasons why my work was rejected, it allows me to empathise with the rejector and break the cycle of negativity.

2. Look for non-verbal cues:

A lot can be said through non verbal communication. It’s over many years that I’ve learnt that staying calm and avoiding defensiveness when someone rejects my work, can definitely help. Taking cues from the communication of the rejector gives me a perspective into his/her likes or dislikes/preferences and it goes a long way in knowing how to resolve the situation.

3. Sleep on it:

I always find that I am in a better position to revisit or rework after a good night’s rest. If an overnight break is not possible, I try to divert my mind with a short mental break; like listening to my favorite song or a coffee break with a couple of friends.

4. Gripping sessions with a sympathiser:

Although it may sound silly and childish and really stupid — this is something that really works for me. I always have a couple of friends whom I can talk to (or rather grumble with). A heart-to-heart gripping session with my friends helps me take the load of my chest. They hear me out, sympathise with me, add a couple of remarks as to why the rejector is an ar** and we all feel good about it. This works like therapy. It helps me release the negative emotions associated with the rejection and enables me to focus on the task without being resentful.

4. Start with positivity:

Before I begin to rework / revise, I take a deep breath, tell myself that this feedback will help me achieve a better outcome. I visualise the rejector loving my concepts or creations.

Rejections at work certainly hurt, but the trick is using it as a stepping stone to push towards positive endings.

I’ve often tried using one or more of these hacks to overcome rejections at work, with astounding results; you can try them too!

-Christabelle