Why You Should Always Feed a Hungry Child.
By: Susan Sassi
Tags: Personal Essay, Nonfiction, Life Lessons, Humor, Friendship

LIFE

Why You Should Always Feed a Hungry Child.

Photo by Tamas Pap on Unsplash

“How could anyone not like you? Being mean to you is like being mean to a puppy!” my friend said.

For as long as I can remember I have had to fight the thought that people don’t like me. ‘I know, I’m so lovable. It doesn’t make any sense. How could someone not like me?!’ Well, believe it or not, there was a time I couldn’t figure out how to make friends. In elementary school, I was less popular than homework or detention… or keeping your hands out of your pants.

It’s hard to make friends when you’re a kid. It’s even harder when you have a learning disability. No one knew what was wrong with me, so no one knew how to fix it. Then finally, I was diagnosed with a learning disability.

It was a long hard battle. My learning specialist called it brain confusion. The teachers called it, ‘you‘re a terrible child and deserve to be yelled at.’ I called it creativity! But, no one wants to be friends with the kid that the teacher always yells at. In fact, they would join in. Every day was bully Susan day, the worst holiday ever.

I remember crying to my mom about not having any friends. My mom told me, “You don’t have to have tons of friends. You just need one. Just one.” Soon it became “For the love of god make one friend, anyone, I don’t care who!” and “Geez Susan, even Hitler had one friend!” Message received. I have to find one single friend, and everything will be better!

Then, at snack time, a girl named Tanya was crying over her bag of Doritos. To clarify, she wasn’t crying because of a bag of Dorritos, she was crying into a bag of Dorritos. I saw her, and I knew this was my shot. ‘Hold onto your butt Tanya; I’m gonna friend the crap out of you!’

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“They said they didn’t want to be my friends.” She sobbed.

“I’ll be your friend,” I said

“Okay.” She hiccupped through tears.

It was that easy! I couldn’t believe it! I did it! She continued to talk while eating, and chunks of Dorito crumbs fell out of her bag and her mouth, scattering all over the table. Suddenly I got a whiff of that fake cheesy goodness, and I began to feel hungry. Not just hungry but ravenous.

I felt like if I didn’t eat something, I was going to pass out. The Doritos looked so delicious, and she was dropping them left and right on the table. ‘Oh my God, don’t eat the fallen Dorrito, Susan. No! Don’t do it!’ But my hand disconnected from my mind, and I ate the Dorritos off the table! I tried to stop, but I couldn’t! They were so buttery and delicious and forbidden! Because my mom never had Doritos in the house since she was always on a diet. By the way, this story is not sponsored by Doritos. I just really love them.

Later I was yelled at by the teacher in front of everyone, accusing me of stealing Tanya’s snack. I felt a wave of shame rush over me. Not because I ate Doritos, they were delicious. But because they thought I had stolen something. I was embarrassed and mortified. Inside my head, a voice screamed, ‘I didn’t steal her snack; I ate the crumbs. Don’t yell at me for stealing. Yell at me for being disgusting!’

But on the outside, all I could do was cry and I couldn’t stop. When my mom picked me up, I was still crying. I told her the whole story and she was so mad that she went to the principal and had the teacher fired. Hell hath no fury like a Mom on a diet.

I eventually made some friends. I grew up and moved to Los Angeles, where everyone is as confused, I mean, as creative as I am. I have yet to figure out how to fix my brain completely, so it doesn’t automatically see every little thing as a sign that people hate me. Still, I have taken away some important lessons: Always carry snacks, never go on a diet, and a bag of Doritos can solve almost any problem.