7 Children’s Books Rewritten For The Coronavirus Quarantine
By: Gina Gallois
Tags: Health, Humor, Books, Parenting, Coronavirus

7 Children’s Books Rewritten For The Coronavirus Quarantine

Involuntary home-schooling has eliminated the need for a whole genre of kid’s books

Image altered by Gina Gallois

Parents, I feel ya. I know what you’re going through. I’ve got a 21-month-old who doesn’t talk or listen (yet) and a 7-year-old who needs guidance to stay on track with his “virtual learning.”

God help us.

To make it worse we’ve already read every book in the house. Twice. Those books also don’t reflect the new reality of life under the coronavirus.

We need new editions of the classic children’s books and we need them fast. Luckily I’ve rewritten seven popular titles so parents can start to properly educate their children whenever they need a break from Frozen II.

Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney

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Once upon a time, this was a wonderful book to help ease kids’ fears of being left behind in a strange new place with strange new people.

Good news for nervous kids everywhere — Mama’s not going anywhere for a very long time. We need a new edition entitled Llama Llama Misses Teacher, or at the very least, Mama Llama Misses Teachers.

Talk about llama drama! Llama llama home with mama for weeks on end is going to have its consequences, people.

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, illustrated by Ruth E. Harper and Nancy M. Leak

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Let’s rename this one The Kissing Ban. Not only will Mama NOT be leaving her precious baby at school with all those filthy nocturnal strangers, there’s no face touching anymore.

Don’t touch your own face. Don’t touch anyone else’s face.

What? No! Don’t kiss anyone’s hand! That’s how you get the virus.

I don’t care how clean you are even if you do wash your food before you eat it. No kissing hands. No kissing anything.

Oh My Baby, Little One, by Kathi Appelt

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What a sweet book, with such adorable illustrations! Too bad it will lose all meaning in the weeks to come.

You won’t have to think about your child while you’re away and your child won’t have to worry that you’ve forgotten them because you’ll be in the same room always and forever, er, eh… for the next two months. Or more. It could be more.

We’ll repurpose this one as a book about tolerating your loved ones when they’re in your face 24/7. Let’s call it Oh My Baby, You’re Still In My Personal Space. We can keep the same cover art and everything.

Mama Always Comes Home by Karma Wilson

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I absolutely adore Karma Wilson’s Bear books series. They are brilliant. Not familiar with this one in particular, but it looks like a no-brainer.

But alas, Mama has to leave home on occasion to come back home, so, Mama Always Comes Home, I hereby dub thee Mama’s Always Home.

We will have to change the cover art, though. Don’t want anyone getting any ideas about shaking kids. That is never a good idea. Do not do that. Just walk away, parents, just walk away and catch your breath.

Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas

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In the new world order, this book will morph into Stuck With You All Day Long.

Pretty self explanatory.

I Miss You, Stinky Face by Lisa McCourt

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One of my son’s all time favorites when he was little was I Love You Stinky Face. This book, in its original form, features a mother reassuring her imaginative child about the lengths she will go to in order to be together again.

But, since togetherness is all there is now, we’ll have to scrap that.

I Miss Missing You, Stinky Face sounds about right. What I wouldn’t give you miss you just a little bit, for a few minutes, here and there…

Bye-Bye Time by Elizabeth Verdick

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Is it ever bye-bye time! Is it ever… No need for your little one to worry about being left at daycare now.

Instead bye-bye time is when they finally go to bed at night for a few sweet hours of quiet and calm.

Things will get worse before they get better, folks.

For now, let’s do the best we can, remember that we’re doing this to protect our most vulnerable, and laugh when we can.