Why Am I Scary?
By: Agents Of Change
Tags: Ethics, BlackLivesMatter, Social Justice, Racism, Social Change

I remember when I started realizing this. I was twenty-two years old and was walking to the bus stop, getting ready to go home. I was tired, so when I got to the bus stop and plopped down on the bench, this older White lady saw me and clutched her purse and clung to it as if she was holding on for dear life. I looked at her and all I could think was “Wow.” Later I would experience similar circumstances, i.e. being alone in an elevator, a dark parking lot, and of course, walking on a sidewalk next to them. I would internalize this until one day while in downtown SD, I was on my way to a job interview. Wearing a suit with briefcase on my shoulder, I had started walking up a street when a White woman, who was a couple steps in front of me, saw me and clutched her purse. Seeing this, I darn near flipped my lid. I asked the lady, “Why did you clutch your purse?” Before she was able to formulate an answer, I quickly said, “I don’t want to rob you. I am a college graduate!!” I then walked off, pissed. Couldn’t she see that I had a suit on? Damn! I am not threatening!! I then realized that no matter what I had on, I was still the scary Black man. Sigh.

When cases like Jordan Davis or Trayvon Martin are mishandled and justice is not served, as a Black man you are reminded that you are still feared and can be killed because you are feared. It is not just about “racism being alive and well” but that you are looked at as a monster, a creature that must be put in it’s place. If you are deemed as arrogant or a troublemaker (Muhammad Ali, Richard Sherman), you are slandered and if you are a threat (Malcolm X, MLK) you will be neutralized.

I was talking to a friend and she had asked me, ‘Is it always about race?” Without a pause I said, “Yes.” Now I am not saying that because I did not get a certain job or someone did not like me, or even why you may not like this article is because I am Black, that would be silly. But, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about race or if it is not in the equation. This is America. I know who I am and how I am perceived. And no matter how many suits, degrees, money, accomplishments, etc, etc, I am a Black man, and that elicits a certain response, a certain feeling. From marijuana, guns, and interracial relationships, laws have been created due to fear of us. It is just something that we have to deal with. It is our life.

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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

About LeRon Barton

LeRon L. Barton is a writer from Kansas City, MO currently living in San Francisco, Ca. A graduate of Paseo Academy of Fine Arts, LeRon is the author of two books, “Straight Dope: A 360 degree look into American Drug Culture” and “All We Really Need Is Love: Stories of Dating, Relationships, Heartbreak, and Marriage.” In addition to the books, LeRon is an essayist; whose topics cover racism, mass incarceration, politics, gender, and dating. These works have appeared in Salon, The Good Men Project, Elephant Journal, East Bay Times, and MoAD. LeRon has also given talks and speeches at TedX Wilson Park, University of San Francisco, Glide Methodist Church, been a guest of Al Jazeera’s The Stream, Story Corp, Dr. Vibe’s Do You Know What Time It Is podcast, and has participated in panel discussions on race and prison recidivism. In his spare time, LeRon mentors young men in San Francisco and loves to backpack around the world.

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