Diaries of a Broken-Hearted Teen
By: Corinne Ulmer
Tags: Breakups, The Brokenhearted Club, Missing You, Ex Boyfriend, Ex

12/10/19

I saw your mom today. I got knots in my stomach. I’m still not over you.

12/11/19

Every conversation and thought. I have goes back to you.

12/12/19

I feel like I’m drifting through the motions. Lost. With no purpose. I just wanna feel something. Anything.

12/13/19

I’m falling down a rabbit hole of stupid decisions. E told me about how you said I was so amazing on your trip, and even though I’d heard that story before… it still hit my heart.

12/14/19

Every time I see a picture of you my heart breaks in two. I got a typing notification from you… it was just you opening my message from days ago… you didn’t message me anything… I fucking miss you.

12/15/19

I was busy all day today. Kept my mind occupied.

12/16/19

Still haven’t felt truly happy since the summer. When you were around and I was thriving. I actually think about the summer all the time. When my skin was glowing, I was seeing my friends every day, and not to mention you. I thought when you left I’d be sad for a little bit but then I’d move on… yeah, that didn’t happen. I’m still sad. I’m still unhappy. I don’t really remember what real happiness felt like. The funny thing is though I don’t resent you at all. I miss you more than you could ever imagine. And there’s no way you feel even slightly the same. I can’t tell if you’re the reason why I’m so sad or if I’m the reason.

12/18/19

Every time I see a car that looks even remotely like yours (even though almost everyone has your car) I get butterflies. I miss you and our drives and the way you made me feel. I miss the laughs and jokes, the tears, and everything in between. I miss you.

12/19/19

The fact that you are right down the road from me is crazy. You’re back from school. This feels surreal and I don’t even know why. I still love you. I believe that you are my soul mate. And that fucking sucks. You are two seconds away and I know I won’t ever see you when you’re here and that breaks my heart.

12/20/19

You messaged me today telling me I looked nice. I of course accepted the compliment and then you asked why I was so dressed up. I said because I’ve looked like a bum lately and I was hoping it would make me feel better about my yikes life. You asked what was happening and I told you everything. You said that what was going on really did actually suck. I told you everything that’s been going on. Everything. Every single thing. I can’t believe I let myself open up to you so easily. I haven’t even told my friends most of that stuff. But it felt good to talk to you. I just feel such a deep connection with you and trust you so much. I still miss you though. So so so much. But honestly, I’m glad you messaged me this time. Even though it’ll probably fuck with my emotions in the future.

12/27/19

You texted me again today. I made a post about a boy in front of me at the movies and how he was soooo my type. His description was just like you. I knew that. I knew you’d probably think that was weird, but I didn’t care. I wanted you to know that my type is you. You texted me and were like ummm was that me hahah. I said omg I didn’t even realize the similarities. I totally did. Hey… I still love you. But I’m getting more and more over you every day. You really do mean the world to me and I think one day we could end up together. However, it’s just not right right now. Holding out hope for a future is probably stupid and wrong… but I don’t care. Because a part of me believes you are my soul mate. No matter how stupid that sounds.

12/29/19

So you texted me yesterday and asked if I could hang today. When mom went on a run I texted you to see if you were available but you said you were driving a lot today so not today. But hey that’s okay. I know you still care because yesterday you said you wanted to go on a drive and you would love nothing more. I finally don’t have to wonder how you feel. I know you still care about me. Whether it’s in a loving way or not. And honestly, it doesn’t matter.

These are real journal entries from when I was attempting to get over my first love. He broke up with me in August 2019 and as you can see I was still severely fucked up from that, even in December. I grieved this loss until about late February and let me tell you it fucking sucked. Now I am proud to say I am over him and with someone new who I love dearly. However, I thought that these are incredibly valuable to share because it is not stupid to take time to get over someone, no matter how juvenile it seems. Your feelings are valid, no matter what the circumstances.