fabiochiu/medium-articles huggingface dataset:
a tutorial on how to make excuses when your lover is a shark
By: Joshua Omena
Tags: Domestic Violence, Poetry, Gender Based Violence, Domestic Abuse

Picture credit: Author

call him a survivor

all the blood you see on the

surface of the water should be his

close your eyes and have faith

whenever you part your lips to taste his mouth

choose not to see the thousand white things

that are sharp and sometimes bite

choose to define love as

a tease

a dare

and a bluff

hold his fin firmly and listen to your heart

it is because you are nervous

that is why he is slipping away

hold him close

you can’t lose this one

because the world does not

tolerate single sisters and society says

you are not enough anymore

and time is your esteem draining away

never let go when he drags you underwater

you have trusted him this far

he can’t be trying to drown you

and maybe you can breathe

they say women can adapt

in a sea of everything wrong

because love is blindly right

and death is a myth here and

bad boys love better

if anyone shouts and says you should be careful

that no woman should love a shark

that sharks are men with fragile egos,

tell them you know him

and even though on some days

he loses his temper and uses words and fist

to express his rage,

he always apologises for breaking you

and puts you together with gifts

so when you fall deeper in water with him,

learn to understand a man with privilege

and if those bitter feminists talk,

tell them it is your life and

you have chosen to live it

at the bottom of a raging sea

when you kiss him

always remember to never forget

that it is till death do you part

even when you see pieces of women

and bones of girls lying on the seabed,

it means nothing

tell the rising fear in your chest that

no man eats a woman

they just dissolve in his mouth

and become an excuse

for his righteous anger
I Believed I Wasn’t Good Enough
By: Susan Ball
Tags: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Recovery, Healing From Trauma, Narcissistic Abuse

And I lived my life believing I wasn’t good enough and my poor choices reected my belief.

This used to be my prison.

Always wondering what others thought of me. The way they said something or didn’t say something, the message or email they sent. I could create a whole story of why they hated me, were angry or upset at me and why I clearly wasn’t good enough and that’s why they didn’t like me.

It was like I had a crystal ball and I knew exactly what they thought about me and of course, according to me, they hated me. But in reality I didn’t know.

All of those feelings of not feeling good enough were mine to own and take responsibility and not blame someone else and put on them my lack of self worth.

I spent most of my childhood and into my thirties thinking this and giving my power of self worth to others.

My four abusive relationships reflected my unhealthy need to be liked. My unhealthy need to be wanted. My unhealthy need to be loved.

My extremely abusive ex-husbands highlighted all this in me. It wasn’t just with them that I felt worthless, I actually had never felt good enough since my childhood. They were just the mirrors of my own lack of self-worth.

But in the end, the ex-abusers gave me a life changing gift.

They MADE me take responsibility and look at WHY I felt like that. Why did I feel not good enough? Why did I keep accepting being treated like shit?

For me it was my beliefs from childhood. But I have changed those beliefs, established healthy boundaries, and know that I am valuable and worthy of respect, love, and healthy relationships. I am free!!

I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea BUT that is their business, not mine.

Are you fearful of what others think?

Do you bend over again and again hoping to be liked, accepted or even recognized?

Do you long to break free of old patterns?

Do you want to set healthy loving boundaries?

You can do it all. It takes a little effort, a splash of vulnerability and a whole lot of courage but you can make the changes that will bring you healthy love and relationships. With you and with others.

And just in case you need reminding: YOU ARE WORTHY!

Connect with me on Facebook and YouTube where I share more of my story of surviving and thriving after domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. Visit my website at www.recoveryafterabuse.ca and get in touch.
Jump Rope
By: Melissa Steussy
Tags: Domestic Violence, Alcohol Addiction, Child Abuse, Poetry, Blue Insights

I can see that girl-fearful and insecure. Her joy had faded from view and what was left was a shell of a smiling, happy little girl.

He took her joy when he waltzed in off of that bar stool. He stole her mother and he stole her peace.

His darkness emanated every pore of their two-bedroom apartment and his beer breath and body odor could be smelled before he entered a room.

His dark curly hair and fists of rage cut through her bright, cheery demeanor. He left her mother lying on the floor while she went out to play jump rope with her friends.
Man involved in Saturday domestic violence situation went live on Facebook
By: Jaden Jefferson
Tags: Domestic Violence, Local, Crime, News, Toledo

Man involved in Saturday domestic violence situation went live on Facebook

NEW VIDEO: Man involved in Saturday domestic violence situation went live on Facebook

TOLEDO, Ohio — The man involved in Saturday night’s domestic violence incident at 630 Leach Avenue, Toledo, went live on Facebook shortly before he was killed by Toledo Police.

Kwamaine O’Neal via Facebook Live video. (Jaden Jefferson)

The man has been identified as Kwamaine O’Neal.

Toledo Police Chief George Kral will release bodycam footage from that night and additional information during a news conference scheduled for Monday.

Viewer discretion is advised.

O’Neal can be heard saying: “…she called this detective. And if he come over here with some rowdy a*s s**t, I’m gonna knock him out. And you pull on me? Well, let’s just say may the best mother******g man win.”

“But at the end of the day, I ain’t dying without taking somebody what the f**k with me.”

O’Neal ended the video, saying: “I’m ready to go. I’m ready. I’m ready.”
Our Instagram page has been established!
Tags: Addiction, Domestic Violence, Substance Abuse, Awareness

Our Instagram page has been established! Please follow us using our Instagram name standonnapen , just look for our red pen logo! Hope to see you all there! I am excited in seeing where we grow from here. — L.D creator & admin
Jealousy Hates Company
By: Mags Thomson
Tags: Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, Healing From Trauma, Jealousy, Narcissistic Abuse

I don’t really understand jealousy. I mean I can be a little envious when my friend in California tells me about the weather, and I am –yet again- looking at steel grey rain clouds, but I am not jealous. I am very happy for him to enjoy the sunshine, he’s a good guy he deserves the vitamin D!

Toxic people and abusers are experts on jealousy. They cannot bear the thought of anyone having something they don’t have, or experiencing something they are not experiencing. If you receive a compliment within earshot of the narcissist, they WILL be jealous. Their response is usually two-fold:

Suck up to the compliment giver; Put you down!

I know that my mother was quite often jealous of us, not just of compliments, but of our friends, of attention we were getting, of our achievements, and later on even of our financial independence.

When I tell my sisters of choice about the great outfit I got or the overpriced haircut, they just OOO and AAA. My mother would comment on the cost, or how she does not think it suits me. Anything to take away from the joy of treating myself. I used to tell my partner to tippy-toe up the stairs with the takeaway food when we lived in the apartment in my parents’ loft space. Anything to keep them from knowing we got Chinese food. It is an indulgence that my mother would make sure to spoil it by making remarks about my weight or some such.

See, my mother does not do “simple pleasures”, in reality, I think she is jealous of people who do. I think she feels she is missing out, and more importantly that she deserves not to miss out EVER!
Triggers are Your Responsibility
By: Susan Ball
Tags: Abuse, Narcissism, Domestic Violence, Recovery, Emotional Triggers

I’m triggered daily — some big some small some meh

But Triggers are Your Responsibility

Your Reaction to Your Triggers is Your Responsibility

Healing Your Triggers is Your Responsibility

It is impossible to expect everyone to use language that you feel is appropriate or behave impeccably or respond in a way that suits you — not feasible.

Triggers are individual and personal. There is no way in hell that anyone can be aware of all your triggers and now how to behave around you.

Yes, blatant hurtful words and actions are not acceptable. That’s where your new boundaries and your ability to walk away come into play.

Triggers will happen and your role is to know them and heal them. Work through them. Look them in the eye and say not today, I’ve got better things to do.

Asking others not to trigger you is actually avoiding your own healing process. You’re burying and avoiding and that won’t lead to recovery.

Common unhealthy avoidance strategies:

I get angry.

I get needy.

I comply. I become a people-pleaser.

I shut down and withdraw from the other person.

I blame someone else for my pain.

I turn to an addiction — food, drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, shopping, work, gambling, and so on.

Only you can heal your triggers, so take a little time to go inside and make sure to be patient, kind, and compassionate.

Ask yourself about the origin of the trigger. What emotion does it manifest — anger, sorrow, fear, etc? What steps can you take to move through and heal your trigger? If it’s a place, can you go there and create new memories. Is it a word, when you see it next time, breathe through it and remind yourself that you are safe and well. Is a smell, sound, song — can you create a new association?

Know your triggers, own them and heal them. Then you will be truly free of the abuser xo
I am trying hard .. not to die
By: Technical Interviews Preparation
Tags: Domestic Violence, Anxiety, Abuse Survivors, Trying Harder, I Want To Live

Its not a cry for help. Its the state of my mind. The racing heart, the blur eyes, shaky hands, … yes it came .. it is passing through me .. it is my anxiety … its this wholesome of an attack …

There he comes, there he comes again in my life.

I am a domestic abuse survivor. All he did to me was abuse and nothing else. Took my life, my name, my face, my soul, ..

Every time I see him, he is there … he is out there ….. to get me .. he is out there to kill me… I dont wanna die… he will kill me.

He is going to make my life miserable and here he comes again.
Our First Call: Moving against Domestic Violence
By: Jose B. - The Removal Brothers
Tags: Domestic Violence, Removalists, Removalistsydney, Removals, Sydney

Context: Summer 2017, back in the day, when we first began our life as a removalist, we were driving a small Toyota Hiace Van (it’s like a goget van). We mostly did smallish jobs, like moving a fridge or a sofa.

The ‘Call’: After a finished day, when scrolling through job offers on Airtasker, we found a task for an extremely low amount. “2 bedroom apartment — Urgent move: $40”.

We very quickly realized it was a single mother, who was in high distress and needed help. She was running from DV.

The job/the help and challenges: It didn’t take us too long to arrive there. We didn’t have all the needed tools, protection pads, nor were mentally prepared — God it was really hard… I remember coming home after the move. Have you ever felt like crying, angry, and entirely empty at the same time?

It’s hard to imagine how hard it is for anyone running away from ‘Home’. Seriously, that move put to test all of our capabilities. You want to be supportive, attentive, careful, and overall you want to help them get out of there.

What I always tell people: Every-single-case is different. It’s all different families, all different scenarios, all tough in their own. This was a family of 3, Mum, daughter, and son. All of them lovely, but hurting.

Coming to the end of the day, everything finished and transported we drove back home. Me and Esteban on the van, I don’t think we talked much… can’t really remember what we said to each other, but pretty sure it wasn’t more than a couple of weeks that we were at it again.

https://removalbrothers.com.au/about-us/domestic-violence/
How Coronavirus is Affecting Domestic Violence Victims
By: Rahul Kishore
Tags: Domestic Violence Lawyer, Domestic Violence, Maryland Divorce Lawyers

The coronavirus’ mandatory isolation requirements have left many victims of domestic violence locked in with their abusers, isolated from people and resources that could help them.

Domestic violence is a widespread issue, affecting men and women all over the globe. Some important facts to consider about domestic violence are:

• 1 out of 3 women in the world experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetimes

• Men do experience domestic violence, though women make up the majority of victims

• LGBTQ+ individuals also face high rates of domestic violence

• During a crisis, the risk of violence escalates

• In February, during China’s COVID-19 lockdown, the number of domestic violence cases reported to the local police tripled.

During the current crisis, victims of domestic violence are finding it extremely hard to seek out the help they need. Medical facilities are busier than ever, making it difficult for victims to get appointments with therapists or receive necessary medical care. The fear of contracting the virus has also prevented many victims from leaving the house to seek out appropriate care after being abused.

In a normal situation, many victims seek refuge at their parents’ house, however, during this crisis, many feel that they can’t find safety at their parents’ houses due to fears of exposing them to harmful contagion. Travel restrictions also create a new barrier between victims and places of refuge. Additionally, Women’s shelters might be too crowded or have been forced to close their doors in order to comply with social distancing regulations.

Financial tensions also tend to be a catalyst for domestic violence situations and as the pandemic takes a toll on families financially, it becomes even harder for spouses to leave their abusive partner. Recently UN Women, a United Nations entity, called on governments to provide packages for paid sick leave and unpaid care work, providing women facing domestic violence to receive an outlet for financial independence from their abusers. However, at this time, no such measures have been officially taken to help victims of domestic violence.

Certain essential services like the National Domestic Violence hotline are still available during this crisis. Consider calling their hotline at 1–800–799-SAFE (7233) if needed or visit their website for more resources.

If you are a victim of domestic violence and want to pursue legal action, Shah & Kishore can help. We will be your advocate every step of the way, fighting for your safety and wellbeing. Our phone lines are open 24/7 and we also offer video conferencing options to help you through these challenging times.

To learn more about how we can help you with your particular situation, please email or call us today at (301) 715–3838 to set up your FREE consultation.
How to Spot an Abuser: Clue #9 Low Frustration Tolerance
By: Jackie Jackson
Tags: Get Help For Dv, Domestic Violence, Red Flags, Frustration Tolerance

Have you ever had an abusive partner? That is someone who has used degrading and demeaning language, withheld affection or financial help in order to punish you, hit you, shoved you, punched you, kicked you, or consistently yelled at you?

And after being involved with that abuser, did you ask yourself if there were signs you missed that would have helped you detect their abusive tendencies earlier on?

If you answered yes, it is best to put your sleuth skills to work before stepping into an new relationship. When you meet someone be on the look out for the tell tale sign of low frustration tolerance.

People who are abusive have an extra hard time managing stress and frustration. In the face of stressful situations, they get demanding, unyielding, controlling and very angry. These characteristics make them more likely to lash out.

When I was with my abusive ex, it was during his times of frustration, aka when I was around other men in social situations and if he was drunk, that he most likely to lose control. It became a pattern. One we all want to avoid.

Notice if your date/ significant other is unable to manage moderately difficult situations without being highly frustrated and without demanding that other people make these situations disappear for them, it is a very bad sign.

For example, observe how they manages stressful situations at work and whether they become obsessive and unnecessarily frustrated with tasks and unresolved issues with other people. Asking them questions about their past can be a good predictor of what they will be like in the future. If they are unfair with others, do not excuse them just because they cater to you. It may not last.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please CALL 911. For crisis and counseling services, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233 or TTY 1–800–787–3224.

Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

For more info on the red flags of unhealthy relationships and the green flags of healthy ones visit me here: https://theyogascribe.wixsite.com/mysite

Please leave a comment below or connect! I’d love to hear from you.

May you be happy, healthy, safe and at peace.
Silence Speaks
By: Jim Latham
Tags: Domestic Violence, Short Story, Centina, Women, Fiction

Silence Speaks

Photo by Hans Vivek on Unsplash

Mary frowns when her kids and mine run outside to bang pots and pans on New Year’s Eve.

I’ve had a couple drinks, so I go ahead and run my mouth.

“It’s okay, Mary,” I say, “let the kids have their fun.”

My neighbor shakes her head. “They better not lose that cast iron,” she says, “It’s my insurance policy.”

I turn to her, puzzled.

Something flickers in Mary’s eyes. A decision. Just as she opens her mouth, her husband, Carl, steps into the room.

Mary ducks her head and clamps her mouth shut — and I know what she means.
stand
By: Ashlan Isadore Mchugh
Tags: Domestic Violence, Marriage, Domestic Abuse, Housewife, Poetry

stand

Vintage ads Bruce Floor Products 1948

Stand stock still

Ears attuned

Legs poised to spring

Listen as you stand

hear his car door

hear his keys turning

hear his footsteps

stand, do not sit

If you are spotted

Sitting is next to laziness

Clean as you stand

straighten the mess

straighten the chaos

straighten the memories

If you are spotted

Cleanliness is next to godliness

Cook as you stand

feed his hunger

feed his need

feed his ego

If you are spotted

Food is the best distraction

Eat as you stand

chew your nails

chew your hair

chew with your mouth closed

If you are spotted

you are already burning calories

Drink as you stand

swallow your appetite

swallow your words

swallow your hard pills

with only water

If you’re startled

water doesn’t stain the carpet

And if you’re startled

you’ll already be standing

Have an apology ready

Hands flexed to shield

Legs poised to spring
Azerbaijan’s Women’s Resource Centers are helping survivors of domestic violence to make their way in the world
By: Undp Azerbaijan
Tags: Domestic Violence, Gender Based Violence, Women Empowerment, Women In Business, Gender Equality

Busy at the sewing machine in a small tailor’s shop, Leyla (not her real name) glances up now and again to answer a question from her two sons, aged 19 and 25, who are helping out with her growing business. It’s a far cry from the difficult times she endured for many years.

“I still wake up anxious thinking I’m back in the bad old days,” says Leyla. “There was a long time I didn’t believe I’d make it on my own — let alone run my own business.”

Leyla married and went to live with her parents-in-law at 18. The marriage went fine for the first five years, she says, with her husband working hard as a craftsman as she raised their first son. Then her husband started drinking and becoming abusive — verbally at first but later physically as well.

“I didn’t leave him even though I was scared. I had two young sons to look after by then and I wanted the family to stay together. When he got a job abroad I went with him. But things only got worse.”

Afraid for her safety, Leyla returned to Azerbaijan with her sons. But her parents-in-law blamed the marital problems on her, and though she put up with their criticism for the sake of the children, tensions escalated and she was told to pack her things and leave.

“That was the lowest point but also a turning point because I had no choice but to be independent. I did any job I could find to pay the rent. I tried house-cleaning and working in a café, but the hours weren’t good so I put everything into making clothes.”

Although Leyla managed to get more clients, she didn’t have the space or equipment to meet the demand, and working in a small room with poor-quality equipment while raising two young children was challenging. Then came a second turning-point — the day she joined the Women’s Resource Center recently opened in her town.

“Some clients told me about the Center and said the people there could help me build a proper business. I didn’t have much confidence but I decided to see for myself.”

The Women’s Resource Center that Leyla applied to join was opened with funding from USAID as part of a network set up in 2011 by UNDP and the State Committee for Family, Women and Children Affairs to help empower women in rural areas of Azerbaijan by providing support and training courses in employable skills and small business management.
Cultural Assimilation And Violence: When Abusers Create A Bond Of Loyalty That Leaves A Lasting Scar.
By: Samantha Clarke
Tags: Domestic Violence, Culture, Relationships, Self, Mental Health

The Things Which Form Who We Are…Are The Same Things That Can Tear Us Apart.

One of the most daunting parts of healing from abuse for me has been in the shifting of culture.

When you’ve been cult conditioned by violence since a young age, and had to take on a new perspective to conform — it isn’t easy to recover from assimilation that became a central part of your identity.

Language, foods, habits, thought process, lifestyle, relationships…all change.

The fact of my circumstance is this: I feel more Chinese in my internal identity than the white American woman I look like on the outside.

And although I still share many values aligned with western thought and customs, it’s just not the same as before.

This has hurt me in a way I’ve truthfully had trouble processing…and I feel this is something that has been uniquely difficult for others to empathize with or fully understand.

I suppose this concept can be referred to as ethnicity, and the transformative process of new cultural and linguistic integration results in a mixed identity some might call being “bicultural” or “biethnic.”

So, I’ve decided it’s time for careful reflection on this long avoided issue, as it’s been one that’s slowly eating me alive beneath the exterior shell of pain which comes from violence alone. I do hope there is someone else out there reading who can relate and know they aren’t the only one whose had to endure this specific type of heartbreak — As I know I would greatly appreciate finding people who likewise “get it.”
How to file for protection of women from domestic violence in Ettumanoor, Pala, or Kottayam in Kerala, India?
By: Adv T S Satheejakumari
Tags: Domestic Violence, Women Rights, Legal, Kottayam, Law

In India, domestic violence is not unheard of thing. Most of them being so accustomed that they don’t even end up reporting.

Though this article is mainly focused on Kottayam district in Kerala where I am a practising lawyer for the past 19 years. The laws are more or less the same for anywhere in India

Who can file a petition against whom?

The complaint can be filed by the ‘aggrieved person’. Now, who is an aggrieved person? the person who has been in a domestic relationship with the man.

Either the women or her close relative can a petition for her. For example a mother can file the petition for her daughter.

Types of abuses covered under the act

Physical abuse: As the name suggests is physical harm caused to a woman. This remains to be the most common one.

Sexual abuse

Emotional abuse: Sadly, Emotional abuse is the most neglected out of all. This includes blaming, torturing and isolating a women for no reason. Verbal abuse also joins the list.

Economic abuse: This happens when a wife or her children are deprived of any economic benefits from the father. This includes a woman not being provided with enough money by her partner to maintain herself and her children, through buying clothes, food, medicines, etc. It also includes not allowing women to take up employment. Apart from this, forcing her out of the house where she lives , depriving her of financial resources she is entitled to under law.

The procedure under the law

An aggrieved woman, may file a petition for domestic violence by:

Inform the protection officer, don't hesitate, the majority of them are females.

Approach the nearest police station in Kottayam, or

Directly approach the magistrate

Once you file a complaint, your officer will take all the measures to keep you safe.

What happens after

The magistrate may also direct the respondent to pay monetary relief to the aggrieved person for expenses and losses suffered by her. Such relief may include :

Maintenance for the aggrieved person and her children.

The magistrate may grant the custody of the children to the aggrieved person. In some cases where she may feel the visitation by the respondent might be harmful to the children, he may refuse such a visit.

Thank you for reading. 🙏🏻

I am practising in Ettumanoor, Pala, Kottayam and all nearby areas for the past 19 years. If you have any queries regarding do contact me at +91–8943367713
Episode 3:Talk Show- Let’s Erase Domestic Violence
By: Charu Mehrotra
Tags: Domestic Violence

Have you ever heard a ‘Domestic Violence’ Survivor’s story?

In this episode listen to a brave survivor’s story, her journey about how she went through Domestic Violence and with her faith in self she got herself and her kids out of that violence and moved ahead in life!

It is also a pleasure to have Bollineni Keerthi, President at Vasavya Mahila Mandali NGO, based in India. Vasavya Mahila Mandali is aggressively working in the field of women empowerment and is providing support to victims of domestic violence also. Dr Keerthi has shared details about the petition which she’s running to support womenfolk who are struggling to get maintenance. Visit the link below to sign for the petition-

Through this show, we intend to empower womenfolk who are facing domestic violence with that courage to stand for themself, with that knowledge with which they can fight for themself and an empowering mindset which can give her confidence to move ahead in life.

Dr Keerthi is currently running a petition to support women in India who are not able to receive maintenance. Let’s hear from Dr Bollineni Keerthi in details about why she has lodged this petition and what she is looking forward for support.

Please visit

https://www.change.org/p/order-police-to-crackdown-on-husbands-who-are-not-paying-maintenance-as-per-court-orders-maintenancerightofwomen-smritiirani-rsprasad

to sign the petition and support that section of womenfolk who are facing challenges to survive without maintenance.

Are you facing Domestic violence?

Reach Vasavya Mahila Mandali for counselling in-person / Tele counselling. Send mail to vasavyamm@gmail.com

Provide Legal Guidance

Preparedness tips to come out of the home.

Support in referral to the appropriate service provider

Domestic abuse relief fund to support in rehabilitation

Visit www.vasavya.org for information on different services in India for domestic violence victims

Are you looking out for physical health, leadership skills, mindset health and image branding strengthening tools to be the best version of yourself? Subscribe to weekly free powerful updates of an online magazine Womenlines for free.
MAKE IT STOP!
By: Simileoluwa Onabanjo
Tags: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Pregnancy Loss, Womens Health, Help

Today, 25th of November is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against women.

Reading the book 'It Ends With Us' by Colleen Hoover inspired me to write this piece, focusing on domestic violence.
The double standard and Domestic violence
By: Fedy Tizaoui
Tags: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Feminism, Social Media, Domestic Abuse

Note: This article only expresses the opinion of its author.

Domestic Violence!

The danger threatening all families. I am not a sociology researcher to give numbers or the results of this violence.

I will only give my opinion as I talked earlier about the double discourse on social media and the media, it may be correct, it may be wrong or subject to discussion.

In previous days, I noticed images of awareness of domestic violence and its consequences on children, and this is in fact a good thing to spread awareness in a society that sometimes normalizes violence

But the strange thing about these pictures is that the victim is always the mother and the child, with the father’s hand visible to indicate that he is the one who has exerted violence on the mother.

Most of the images use the same method. So much so, that society considers that only the male is capable of projecting violence

[ The attached picture is the search result for the word domestic violence and this is the result of the search. All victims are female, and most of the results depict the man as the aggressor with the absence of the man as the victim ]

At the same time, I see some feminist protests over the use of women in television commercials related to washing, cleaning, or cooking

In fact, male or female (or others). We all cook, clean, and wash

By analogy with the second event. Why is the man absent from being the victim of the wife’s domestic violence?

Domestic violence may be practiced by any party, marital rape may be committed by either male or female

Domestic violence may be directed more against women, but some men are victims, and not talking about men who are victims of domestic violence is a normalization of violence against them.

Today, when we use the word violence always draw a woman, is the victim, as well as mental illness and even suicide

Today the society is completely normalized with violence against men and the absence of the psychological health of men, considering it as lack of manhood, and the word “Man Up “ is used by mothers, fathers, and the whole surrounding in general

This is not a negation of violence against women, but rather an evocation of the fact that domestic violence is a crime against ourselves, regardless of our gender, And that we must deal with this violence in the same way, regardless of the gender of the victim

Today, social media and media discourse is directed the same way. To the extent that social networking sites are mostly filled with hatred, so that the modern generation has become imprinted with violence against men, while we must educate our new generation that there is no difference between human beings, regardless of color, gender, and sexual orientation, so we all have equal rights and duties.

Double standards suffocate us all, sow hatred, and will be a tool for shattering future generations.
Domestic Violence Does Not Begin and End in The Month of October
By: Wc Consulting
Tags: Domestic Violence, Abuse Survivors, Texas, Survivor, Domestic Abuse

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

Unity among victims and survivors of domestic abuse sets a firm foundation for a voice against domestic violence. Even if you never find yourself in an abusive situation, your voice is still valid, and that does not begin and end with Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Advocating for victims, or educating those who are inconsiderate about the issue year round gives voice to an issue that has become a silent killer. Click on The Following Link To Read A Survivor’s Story:

https://www.theacphoenixnews.com/news/stories.html
A Child of a Lesser god
Tags: Domestic Violence, Poetry, Poetry Writing

He always craved a boy so badly, a heir to his kingdom which he never had, to say the least,

“Woman! Why can’t you bring me forth a healthy son for Christ’s sake?!”,

Every other evening, their house was a terrible arena,

Drums of war would sound, followed by kicks and sucker punches,

“What a terrible disgrace you are woman! ,You have ruined my repute before my very fellow men… I can’t even show my face in our local drinking dens…”,

Gritting his teeth while packing much more power in his punches,

“Woman, why art thou embarrassing me?!”,

But the poor frail woman scampered for safety in defense for her scrawny frame,

“But my husband, you are the sole determinant of whether a heir or a heiress is born into this house”, she cried in exasperation,

Six girls in a row and inexplicable despondency,

No hope for a family herald, a son, a heir, a father’s greatest pride,

Mama was getting tired of this perennial fracas and untold suffering,

The events of this particular day unfolded and degenerated into a terrible nightmare,

He was a slugger, and so much was he infuriated this day, he packed one solid punch,

And swung it with all might, knocking out her two front teeth in an instant,

She had had enough already, She fled to her brother’s,

But unbeknownst to him, A little oat he had sown earlier was quickly budding in her womb,

She was terribly lost in thought, It was just insurmountable,

Despair engulfed her very essence in gargantuan proportions,

Was it her fault that she could not birth a son to the man she so dearly loved and cherished?,

Was it her crime that her family should be so ‘cursed’ with the gift of heiresses only?,

Fast forward, nine months later, labor pains manifests,

She shuddered, She had received a stern warning prior,

“If you bring forth another girl, forget your place in this home…”,

She was so scared, An evil thought flashed and unrelentlessly pestered her mind ,

Maybe, Maybe if i just get rid of it, all shall be well…,

She hatched a plan, to procure an abortion,

The cocktail of feelings, the fear, anxiety, depression and hopelessness,

This dark evil cloud, cast and lingered upon her, looming like a massive impending storm,

Her hormones were kicking into overdrive, But before her evil plan could materialize, She passed out…,

A few hours later she came to, on a stretcher, in a hospital,

Her first thought, Lord please, let it not be another baby girl,

Then passed out once more, not for long though,

She came around, this time rather conscious and stable of mind,

And her ‘bundle of joy’ handed over to her, the expression on her face was unfathomable,

It was a handsome baby boy, her express ticket back to her husband’s home!

And the legend lives on.
16 days of poetry — Tendai Shaba. An alarming situation
By: Tendai Shaba
Tags: Rape, Domestic Violence, Rape Cases, Malawi, Poetry

An alarming situation

As a concerned citizen of Malawi and of the world, I am alarmed by the rise of gender based violence cases in Malawi in 2020. Every day, local news houses report a case of violence against women and girls, particularly rape. In the rural areas, as in most African countries, young girls are forced into early child marriages.

Gender based violence in Malawi (findings)

According to a United Nations General Assembly report in 2019, it estimates that 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, which may not even include emotional, financial and verbal abuse. Eliminating violence is not just an issue of rights and access to justice; but also, an accelerator of the development agenda for Malawi.

According to a United Nations General Assembly report in 2019, Malawi ranks 145/188 on the Gender Inequality Index (GII), reflecting high levels of inequality in reproductive health, women’s empowerment, and economic activity.

According to a United Nations General Assembly report in 2019, transition rate of girls from primary school to secondary school remains low and the drop-out-rate high. UN findings indicate that 9% of girls in Malawi are married by 15 years while 46% are married by the age of 18, ranking Malawi as the 11th country globally with high cases of child marriage. Keeping girls in school is essential for protecting them from early marriage and reducing their vulnerability to Sexual and Gender based violence.

Gender inequality is a common issue in the area as a majority of women and girls engage in most of the productive household and agricultural work. Furthermore, they have least access to means of production, receive the lowest wages and are unaware of modern technologies. Evidence shows that more boys complete primary school education than girls. Furthermore, girls who do not make it past primary school education are forced into early marriages.

Malawi ranks 145/188 on the Gender Inequality Index (GII), reflecting high levels of inequality in reproductive health, women’s empowerment, and economic activity. According to the MDHS 2015–16 reports, 38% of ever-partnered women ages 15–49 years experienced intimate partner physical and/or sexual violence at least once in their lifetime.

My contribution as a concerned citizen

As a renowned Malawian published author and poet, I launch a social campaign called 16 days of poetry to advocate against gender based violence. This campaign will run every year from the 25th of November to 10th December (16 days of activism). This year, I will share 16 poems to address all forms of gender based violence. For more information about my social work, visit www.tendaishaba.com
BIRTHMARKS
By: Egbebu Emmanuel
Tags: Domestic Violence, Poetry, Poetry On Medium, Domestic Abuse

BIRTHMARKS

Your parents watched you come home

with purple-black marks that weren’t there when you were born.

"Please go back to him. He won't do it again", they said.

The burning sensation of the first mmanya ngwo

your husband brought, still lingers at the back

Of your father's throat.

"Nne, please don't let the women in church laugh at me. A woman shouldn't be in her father's house", your mother said.

Crow's feet at the corners of her eyes like river tributaries, Dubai-gold earrings, partly hidden by her ichafu.

So you went back to him, as your mother swung her hips in gratitude, clutching the akwa Hollandis he had brought for her.

You went back to him, to get more purple-black marks that weren't there when you were born.
THE FREE BIRD
By: Riddhi Dutta Gupta
Tags: Domestic Violence, Finding Yourself, Freedom, Self Love, Love

My name is Bhama.

My name means ‘light’.However, my parents never thought that their daughter had to find her own light at the end of the tunnel. We humans find the moon more soothing than the sun, although the sun is self-made. He does not glow in anybody else’s light. In fact, it lets others shine through him.

A year back, when my husband was at work, and my mother in law was visiting the temple to worship and offer to the lord to get back a healthy grandson in return, I was busy with my household chores. I was unmindful and kneading the dough for the chapatis when I heard a sweet chirping. I slowly walked to my room. I wanted to run, but you know, it’s very hard to even walk when your body is all bruised from the thrashing from the sharp belt. The bruises were fresh, I think my husband was a little too angry last night. Otherwise, he does not go so violent! It was my fault after all. Please don’t blame him. All a man wants after a tiring day of work is a nice, tasty, wholesome meal. And I, being a complete idiot, did not put any salt in his curry. I deserved it, right?

Enough about the night before. I walked to my room, and aha! There she was, ‘Lali’ my pet bird. That day, for the tenth time, in a row, another bird had flown in from the window and sat on her cage. Both of them were having an interesting conversation it seemed. I desperately wanted to join their conversation, but I could not chirp like them. I was watching the two cute beings talking their heart out, and was so engrossed in admiring them, that I didn’t even notice that my mother in law was back home.

She is a short-tempered woman you see, maybe old age does that to you. Maybe, that’s why when she did not find her lunch served on the table, she dragged me by my hair and locked me up in the basement. I wished so badly to cut my hair short, it hurts a lot less that way, but my husband did not like short hair.

I sat in the basement. I had spent more time there than I did at home.

The next day, it was all good. I was let out of the basement. My mother in law even offered me some food. Maybe she realized that she had been too hard on me the day before.

That day, when my husband left for work and my mother in law went to visit her sister, I sat beside Lali. That day, once again that bird flew into my room and sat on Lali’s cage. They were again engaged in a conversation. I thought that the bird was telling Lali about how big and beautiful the outer world was. I thought that my situation was similar to that of Lali’s. Both of us could not look beyond our bars, our boundaries. I decided to free Lali. I opened the gate of her cage. She fluttered her wings in joy and flew out of my window with glee. She didn’t look back even once.

I stepped out of the house and walked straight to the police station.
A fatal attraction,
By: Art Re-View Zim
Tags: Domestic Violence, National Gallery Zimbabwe, David Palacios, Jd Ojeikere, Point Of View

A gentle persuasion.

‘Domestic Violence’ — Installation view(Detail), David Palacios.

By Nyadzombe Nyampenza

The male gaze can easily be drawn to the head and shoulder profile of a woman wearing an ornate hairstyle. The female gaze would be equally enticed. Both sexes are lured into pondering grave matters beyond fashion and style.

Bare statistics are not attractive. David Palacios pulls a feat by gathering facts and stats within his photo graphics installation ‘Domestic Violence 2016’. The installation provides a stimulating way for the audience to engage with boring data. In the gallery space it brings both sexes to stand on equal footing, and observe from a single vantage point. The work is part of an exhibition at National Gallery of Zimbabwe, titled Point of view.

‘Domestic Violence’ — Installation view(Detail), David Palacios.

The installation shows information on domestic violence in Nigeria from 2013 -2016. It is made up of panels featuring different models wearing various hairstyles. The photos were inspired by famous Nigerian photographer JD Ojeikere. One of the familiar images is appropriation of a photograph in Ojeikere’s collections originally titled ‘Abebe 1975’.

The combination of unique hairstyle and infographics is attention grabbing. Numbers circled in red against a monochrome background, have the pull of notifications on social media. The numbers indicate the occurrence of domestic violence between urban, and rural residents. There is a remarkably higher rate of domestic violence in the urban spaces. Tables on to the left provide more stats under different categories. There is a small graph at the top of the image. The line in the graph mirrors the shape of the braided hair, subliminally reinforcing its message.

Palacios a former resident of Nigeria has purposefully inverted the use of Ojeikere’s image. With a constellation of facts and figures he subtly shifts attention to the welfare of the model. By appealing to a sense of beauty, the audience is made to confront an ugly truth.
4 Years on…. It’s been five and a half years since I…
By: Ishar Singh
Tags: Domestic Violence, Life After Divorce, Inspiration, Single Dad, Reflections

It’s been four and a half years since I separated from my ex-wife and life has never quite been the same. There have been many big moments in my life, some amazing and some not so great. But I don’t know why I keep getting dragged back to four years ago. Perhaps it was the most pivotal in my life so far. It was a rebirth for me and as we all know, growing is never easy.

My whole concept of the world and who I was changed in 2016 and I can finally say for the first time since then, that it was for the better.

Leaving my abusive spouse was the best thing I ever did and I proved to myself that I could do overcome my biggest demon, my fear. That is not to say I have never been afraid since or that I have conquered fear. I just know that when push came to shove (literally), I did what I had to do to preserve who am I without compromising who I am and what I believe in.

I never struck her back or rose to her vile depths of lies, bullying and mistrust. I think it’s important to remember that and maybe that is why 2016 still occupies my thoughts more than it should. As we are tested more now than ever before, we can look back and take strength from the people we have always been.

To anyone out there going through a dark time right now, I just want to say, don’t give up hope. You may not have the answers you are looking for today, but one day, time will teach you what you need to know to make it through the next chapter. Don’t go the journey alone. Share the burden, reach out to anyone you can trust and keep moving forward. It is all you can do.
Tom Tom reinvents itself by selling his maps
By: Amador Palacios
Tags: Tomtom, Maps

A little more than a dozen years ago Tom Tom was one of the leading companies in the sale of devices (the famous navigators) that had a built-in map and were connected to the GPS signal to help us drive our car.

Later, mobile phones included the GPS and various applications for driving assistance appeared, which meant that the previous devices were not sold in a very short time. Now everyone uses their mobile.

And consequently Tom Tom was reduced to its minimum expression.

But things have continued to evolve, and new driver assistance systems (which will one day lead to autonomous driving) require accurate and up-to-date maps to function.

And there again Tom Tom is carving out a niche for itself, providing their maps to the companies that supply the new driving aid systems.

Today Tom Tom sells their maps to Apple, Huawei (which is developing a system to be independent from Google), and other companies in the market.

Tom Tom is dedicated to generating their maps, keeping them updated and making them more complete and accurate every day in order to be useful in the case of autonomous driving, and not depend only on the sensors placed in the vehicle.

These driving assistance systems are being used more every day and all the large companies in the automobile industry use them. The take-off in the next ten years is going to be very big and Tom Tom is working with several leaders in that market.

By 2021 the Bosch company will launch a product with Tom Tom’s maps, and something similar is already being done by the PSA group, Fiat-Chrisler, etc …

Tom Tom’s folks have had a rough few years, but the future looks brighter for them.

Time will tell if their expectations are met, but for their persevering work they deserve it.