Your teenager, and drugs
By: Cecilia Bolter
Tags: Psychology, Parents, Cecilia Bolter, Psychedelics, Parenting

Most parents in the Western world probably agree on the fact that rising small children are far easier than dealing with teenagers. In a typical period of identity searching, when building up their own life, and preparing to separate from their parents, many challenges run in parallel. At worst, everyday life can be auto-structured like a race against time, where you, as a parent, try to do the last things very well, to cover up for your earlier mistakes, and lack of engagement. In good enough, and “normal” circumstances, you will probably undergo moderately difficult periods of rejection, and distance from your teenager, but be able to handle it emotionally since having a solid bond with your child. Something to return to — when your teenager is “ready”. Forcing, and using strict premises is never working. As a matter of fact, solid trust, and hopefully respect are cornerstones for nurturing a relationship. Many families manage to maintain these rules, although finding themselves at the limit of emotional crisis some moments. Self-control is key to good communication, however, it’s a tuff challenge in moments of regrets, and sorrow. Because we all go that way — the fact to soon separate from your child, and defining a modified role. Not to get lost, or damage the communication, it’s important to be supportive, and understanding, as important as it is to be the parental obstacle when you have this sense that something isn’t right.

Be ready for a change! To the worse. At least for a limited period. Unfortunately, it’s too common with drugs and so easy to get it. As a teenage parent, you should be alert facing typical behavioral changes that drugs cause: extreme tiredness, emerging lack of motivation, and unexpected mood swings — typically anger, and extreme irritability. Googling all the drugs thinkable can easily become an obsession. In our case, it was “light” drugs I had to worry about — cannabis, and ecstasy. Whatever the drug, or incident, it’s always demoralizing. Those drugs are not considered addicting. That’s what the media says, and some doctors, however, I disagree.

So, why do I write about this? I want to warn all teenage parents about this. Beware of drug sales on Snapchat and Instagram. Of course, it doesn’t exist “everywhere” — it depends on networking, friends, peer pressure, and lots of other things. A disturbing, and common fact is the culture of “silence”. Why bother saying anything when you don’t really care? I guess that’s a common “policy” among teenagers, and especially in gang cultures. In a common chat, none of my daughter’s classmates reacted when a boy in the class once and then showed off with a fat bundle of bills. I did, but out of lameness, I did not report. The price would have been too high that period, two years back in time. A closed door, and complete silence from my daughter. It’s also easy to think “that's their responsibility” (about other parents). I actually reported one case that I knew of — to the parents. It probably changed the girls' life for the better, since her parents finally reacted to my phone call. They immediately left their home, to go and get their 14-year old daughter at her boyfriend's home. He was “a dealer” on Snapchat. His parents were home, not knowing that the two teenagers being in their house, were influenced by drugs, quite badly so. As the result; the girl was mandated to stop seeing her boyfriend promptly, and the relationship was over.

I am relieved this period could be straightened out. My daughter never got stuck in her adventurous exploration. What I can’t accept is the existing drug liberalism circulating everywhere. Fortunately, I discovered, that my daughter’s friends are sweet, and from “normal families.” I must confess that the whole situation was shocking, but it helped to know that my daughter was in good company. After all.

I will end this text with some advice to teenage parents:

If you are in a difficult situation, do not hesitate to get help for your teenager, but also for yourself. To be supportive in difficult situations, you need strength, and support for yourself. Talk to other parents, and to teachers in school.

Try not to be judgemental. Rather make an effort to listen, and be understanding. it’s worth every minute! Do not expect anything in return. You are the parent — don’t forget that. One day you will be rewarded for your patience. It’s crucial to manage to establish a balance between control, and tolerance. It’s super difficult to be authoritarian at times, especially when needed. When you need to be strong. Those moments you may feel like the smallest person in the world, but don’t forget that you are not alone!

Never show bitterness or culpability. Never. This is practically impossible, however, a successful journey in parenthood, where you actually act like the parent your teenager needs, will be more helpful than you may expect.

It’s normal to fight in between, but don’t forget something important: Be kind and encouraging!