Lessons from Burnout in 2020: Part 1
By: Rebecca Birch
Tags: Ritual, Stress, Wellbeing, Burnout, Selfcare Tips

Plant_Jog_FINE was the automatically generated wifi password that had kept me burnout free since my first encounter with it in 2016.

This profoundly apt password reminded me that if I spend some time in the garden, and move my body quite fast to 90’s house music, then things are generally ok for me in the head department.

And then there was 2020. The doom cluster of prolonged uncertainty, loss, ill health, financial strain, and juggling work and family life has just been the start of it for most of us. We can do all the planting and jogging we like, but it just hasn’t been fine has it?

If you are reading this today and feeling a bit…or even more than a bit crap, I’m sending a massive hug to you and want you to know that it’s ok if you are struggling. It’s been such a hard year.

As chilly nights draw in and with a little more uncertainty ahead, I wanted to share this blog series about how I stayed sane through this rubbish year using 10 helpful reminders, daily wellbeing rituals, and lots of learning and honesty about stress and burnout.

It’s important before I go on to say that I’m not a mental health practitioner and I am just speaking from my own experience here. I do hope it helps someone, somewhere, feel a little brighter.

Here goes:

I’ve had an ok Covid, relatively speaking. I had enough work and outdoor space and Covid hasn’t come too close to home. We’ve been privileged in a way that so many have not. But 2020 did coincide with some serious non-Covid health issues for my brother, for me, and for our close neighbours. This horrible virus made the hard times 100x scarier and probably only counts for a tiny sliver of the knock-on effects this pandemic has had on people’s lives up and down the country.

What I’ve been curious about lately is why and how have I kept my head above water through such a rubbish year? Why do I feel ok when normally I wouldn’t feel at all ok?

I think it is because, in January of this year (pre-pandemic), I had my third serious case of burnout.

Burnout is described as “an experience of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion, caused by long-term involvement in situations that are emotionally demanding”.[1]

Another definition is “The index of dislocation between what people are and what they have to do. It represents an erosion in values, dignity, spirit, and will and erosion of the human soul”.[2]

Sounds dramatic doesn’t it, but these do describe the kind of full mind/body/spirit shutdown that I experienced quite well. The kind where you are off work for months, not weeks, too foggy to reply to a text, too exhausted to walk to the corner shop, and too weepy to see your closest friends. It was burnout # 3, so I had to take my recovery seriously and make changes I had been putting off for years.

Little did I know that what I learned through my recovery has been critical to keeping me well through this very difficult year.

With 43% of all sick days in the UK now due to burnout and with a long winter ahead, it feels like the right time to share these ‘10 things to remember;’ bringing together my experience of burnout and some practical advice for both my future self and others who are suffering, supporting or line managing people through this misunderstood condition.

In this first part I’ll talk about four reminders:

1) It is real

2) Help is there but it is hard to find

3) You need to get back to basics

4) People struggle to understand

Reminder #1: It is real

The first thing to say is that burnout IS real.

It is fairly well understood in the medical community and is recognised by the World Health Organisation as a type of occupational hazard in its own right. Yet, our understanding of the condition in workplaces, GP’s and in society more generally is lagging behind by a serious stretch. It usually presents itself as depression, fatigue, memory issues, insomnia, anxiety, poor productivity, and can be linked to many other physical issues too. For me, the GP focussed his attention quite singularly on the stomach virus I’d had for a few weeks rather than the combination of symptoms I described to him in my first few visits. I also had low mood, agoraphobia, non-cardiac chest pain, headaches, palpitations, and dizziness.

I begrudgingly did the tests he suggested but I continued to become more and more unwell. Such was his dismissal of my symptoms that I started to feel like I was making it all up. I felt very alone and confused, and reminded of the time during my first burnout when my GP said flippantly:

‘You know what you need Rebecca?…you just need a duvet day.’

I needed more than a duvet day.

A few weeks in I was lucky enough to be seen by a holistic and empathic young GP. Just being believed and listened to was enough to boost my energy and mood that day. I also gained an understanding through my own research that my stomach and sleep issues were likely a symptom of prolonged ‘flight or fight mode.’ My sympathetic nervous system had overwritten my rest and digestion functions in favour of producing adrenaline and cortisol to help me ‘fight’ off stress and danger.

So, we have a long way to go, but if any of this resonates, you must know that what you are experiencing is most certainly real, even if you are finding it hard to articulate, or people are struggling to understand.

Reminder #2: Help is there but it is hard to find

It really is there. But it really is quite hard to find. What helped me was finding someone who would listen… really listen.

People who can listen:

A friend or family member who makes you feel safe.

A GP who is experienced in mental health.

An NHS counselor: Refer yourself to talking therapy anywhere in the UK.

Your ‘Employer Assistance programme’ for free impartial therapy or coaching.

An access to work advisor through Access to work.

If you are in a crisis or need urgent support, advice from Mind is here, and you can contact the Samaritans here.

Finding quicker, but paid for support:

Tools that you can use at home to give yourself some mental space

A note on talking to your GP about burnout

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

My biggest lesson through this peculiar 2020 was learning how to self-advocate about my mental and physical health.

It took me until I was 33 to learn how to do this. It was a hard-won lesson that I’d been a frustrated observer of through my work in mental health until then. It’s still really hard for me to accept that when we are at our lowest that we have to conjure up the most strength to get support.

When I was most ill at the start of the year, I found it REALLY hard to talk to my GP about what was going on. It was doubly hard because I didn’t have a trusted GP and seemed to see someone different every time. Add to this that my mind was foggy, I was struggling to leave the house and wasn’t actually sure what was wrong.

Here are some things that helped me talk about my symptoms and get the support I needed:

Make a list of what you want to talk about.

Ask for a double appointment and for a GP with mental health experience.

Assume that you might need another appointment quite soon after that.

Think about what you want to come away with: a referral, meds, a sick note, a series of check-in appointments?

Use language to describe your symptoms that doctors understand — low mood, anxious, loss of appetite, loss of interest in things, negative thoughts, sleeping too much/too little, struggling with basics like eating and washing, taking lots of time off work, relationships suffering, feelings of extreme dread or overwhelmed.

If you feel rushed, pushed down a random line of treatment, or anything else that doesn’t feel helpful, try and see a different GP.* It’s ok!

*I found seeing an acupuncturist really helpful when my GP wasn’t being as helpful. Chinese medicine has a much more holistic understanding of stress in the body and I felt supported and believed. I don’t know whether the needles did that much for me but the overall care plan made me feel less scared and that’s what I needed most at that time.

Reminder #3: You need to get back to basics

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

When you are overwhelmed and saturated like a sponge in stress hormones, doing basic stuff like eating, washing, and leaving the house can feel very hard. Watching repeats of New Girl was a good place to start for me but here are some other nice things that helped to get back to basics whilst also feeling like I was doing *something* to aid my recovery.

Basics for your body:

Eat easy to digest food that is tasty and colourful. Root vegetables are great for this.

Take some super gentle exercise. A slow walk is my go-to.

Water: Drink more water, be near more water.

Green: Eat more green things, be near more green things.

Bed: Be in it more.

Be with gentle people who make you feel safe.

Breathe to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and give your mind and body a break. In for 5 counts. Hold. Out for 10 counts. Repeat.

Or follow along to this.

Basics for your brain

Do:

Say nice things to yourself, not horrible things.

Give yourself a break from technology. Pleeeease- you really need to!

Aim to do just one thing per day. Put a wash on. Go to the shop. That’s all.

Go and look at some nice trees. Ok that’s your one thing done for the day ;)

Remember:

The world will not stop if you do.

This dip won’t define or derail you.

It’s not your fault.

It’s ok to feel how you feel.

Recovery isn’t another thing to strive towards. Take it at your own pace.

Being hard on yourself is part of what caused your burnout. Put it in the bin.

Things might need to change, but not right now.

Just rest.

Reminder #4: People struggle to understand

Photo by Melanie Dretvic on Unsplash

During all three of my burnouts, people were really well-meaning but their understanding of burnout was limited, coloured by their own experience and they often tried to ‘fix’ it. I’m also very high functioning when I’m not well i.e What I’m saying about how I feel, and how I ‘seem’ in person and the fact that I’m wearing an excellent shade of lipstick doesn’t often match up for people. You can’t blame people for not understanding it…I didn’t understand it until I’d gone through it three times!

Common responses included:

‘Oh I get burned out at this time of year too, I just try and get more sleep than normal’ ‘Oh poor you… *sympathetic head tilt*…have you tried vitamins/yoga/meditation/etc?’ ‘Awkward mutter and swift topic change to avoid talking about mental health’

Thanks to my darling husband and lovely friends who were patient and understanding when I couldn’t be with myself. Thanks in particular to Holly who sent me lovely songs, uplifting messages, and photos from her frosty garden. It helped so much.

Here are some videos and articles to help you and others to understand what is going on:

A gift: An early festive gift for you.

These ritual recipes form a big part of what kept me well and continue to keep me well through times of change and uncertainty. I want to share them with you because you might not be burned out right now, but you might like to have a really fancy bath.

View and download the Ritual Recipes here

Press ‘file’ and then ‘download’