Having Better Conversations Starts With Fun And Games
By: Ciela Hartanov
Tags: Change Management, Leadership, Future Of Work, Culture Change

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Conversation is the one thing humans do to break ties, share points of view and create partnerships, but it seems our ability to talk to one another is broken. This is not news, but recently it is feeling more dire. How we talk with each other matters. It shapes our collective reality.

The origins of the word “conversation” helps to illustrate the kind of experience good conversation engenders. The Latin conversari can be translated as “to abide” or “to keep company with.” The passive verb derives from com and versare, meaning “to turn together.” According to William Isaacs, author of Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together, “The essence of dialogue is an inquiry that surfaces ideas, perceptions, and understanding that people do not already have.” Human beings create, refine and share knowledge through conversation. Conversation is our proprietary human technology for change.

It may seem so serious — the act of being in dialogue, having the “hard” conversation. However, the best way to begin is actually through childlike play. My colleagues and I did research across anthropology, leadership development and behavioral science on how to best format change-making conversation, and what we found surprised us. To get out of our usual modes of thinking and bring down defenses starts with shedding our adult personas. It starts with something called “psychological neoteny” or childlike play. Neoteny has the power to unlock innovations and new ways of seeing a problem.

There has been a lot written about listening as fundamental to dialogue, and indeed it is certainly critical. Rarely, however, do we fully listen when we lack curiosity. Shedding our adult maturity, just for a bit, allows us the freedom to listen and be interested with the mind of a child. To create the conditions for neoteny, my colleagues and I experimented with gathering small groups of dialogue participants, pre-Covid. Upon entrance, we had games from childhood and asked everyone to take off their shoes in favor of adorning matching socks.

Are you cringing and wondering if you would have been embarrassed, you would be surprised. The socks were a great ice breaker and the games were a hit, with participants gravitating to their childhood favorites. We even had some participants wanting to take the games home to their own children.

For all the seriousness of these times and the critical conversations needed, we also need curiosity and vulnerability to break through our shields and unshackle ourselves from being right. In so many conversations, what prevents us from truly turning toward one another is righteousness. When we are waiting to state our own viewpoints or defend a position, there is little room for a breakthrough. By creating the conditions of play and lightheartedness, the veneer of perfection and expertise starts to fade. After all, you can’t take yourself too seriously while wearing matching socks.

By transforming the conversation container from the start, we free ourselves from the adult ego. We can then embark on exploring the big important questions to uncovering collective, novel solutions. Conversation is the one uniquely human skill that emboldens change, and it starts with fun and games.

Originally published by Forbes Human Resources Council.