Confessions Of A… Dominatrix
Tags: Dominatrix, Sex Work, Sex, Work, Sexuality

By Katy Harrington

ILLUSTRATED BY ANNA SUDIT.

As well as being an international dominatrix and Torture Garden celebrity, Madam Storm is a motivational speaker who specialises in the empowerment of women. She is also a confidence coach, stage and nightclub performer, and founder of her own Strut Masterclasses. We asked her to tell us what goes on in a one-to-one with a client and everything else we’ve always wondered about the world of domination.

First things first, how did you get started as a dominatrix?

I used to get bullied in school for my height (I’m 6ft) and was always told to stand at the back. I was made to feel as though I was a freak of nature and it affected my confidence. I was aware from puberty of the sexual nature that I possessed (I had liberal parenting). Later, I was introduced to a madam that celebrated all of the assets that I was once bullied for. I trained with her, developed my own style and the rest is history.

“From the very first crack of the whip I knew that this was what I wanted to do.”

When did you realise you were good at it?

Immediately! It was always something that was in me. It resonated with me. I enjoyed the power as a woman. When I became a dominatrix, I felt accepted. I felt like I was home. From the very first crack of the whip I knew that this is what I wanted to do. It allowed me to travel the world and meet all different types of people. I began to realise that women gravitated towards me and asked me for advice. I realised that there was going to be another chapter in my life.

Just what exactly does being a great dominatrix entail?

Being a good dominatrix is a skill. Essentially, it is the art of communication. Being able to tap into your client’s energy to read them and transmit my aura to them. It is an exchange of power. From movement, tone of speech to minute details such as the colour of lipstick, the scent of my perfume. It is a fantasy for clients (male and female), a role-play. I have learned what to say and when to say it. It’s the ability to adapt to various scenarios. I have always loved performing arts. I do this while leading with feminine energy, as opposed to masculine, but everyone has to find their own style that works for them.

You work as a ‘female empowerment coach’ too, why is that important to you?

I went on a journey many years ago, a journey on finding my purpose in life and rediscovering who I was. I had gone through very traumatic times in my life which left me feeling unworthy, depressed and frankly, lonely and unloved.

Becoming a female empowerment coach came organically, I shared my journey with other women which inspired them and motivated them to be better. As I healed I found myself falling in love with empowering others. Many women suffer trauma and when it goes unaddressed it can result in low self-esteem and lack of confidence, which can affect their happiness, self-worth, job satisfaction, social life and sex life and who they attract as a partner. My mission is to teach women how to STRUT into their POWER! By being unapologetic about who they are and to be their authentic self. We work on body image, loving who we are. We work on our mindset, changing the way you think will change the way you feel about yourself. We support one another and create a safe space for women to be themselves, the space to feel loved and supported by other women. I believe this is the pinnacle of female empowerment, a group of women empowering one another to be the best version of themselves.

What would you say to young women with confidence issues?

I would tell them they are not their past or their mistakes. Every day is a new opportunity to be the woman they desire to be. I would tell them self-confidence starts with self-acceptance, that they are beautiful in their own unique way and that they have value and great power. Stop judging yourself, stop listening to what they say you are, stop thinking negatively about yourself. You are good enough, you are worth it. Stop comparing yourself and your life to society standards of happiness and be your fucking self! Take back your power and do your daily affirmations. I am here. I am free. I am sexy.

What are your coping mechanisms when you’re suffering with low confidence yourself? Where do you go to feel better?

My go-to place is the gym, I love the spin bike. It takes my mind away, it helps me refocus. My favourite part of the gym is the weights section because it reminds me of how strong my mind is, it’s my go-to because it helped me when I was severely depressed. I also do my daily affirmations as well as talking to my bestie on the phone, who reminds me of how fabulous I am. Every girl needs a bestie.

Now, let’s get down to business. Do you work face to face or online?

The majority of my clients have been face-to-face interaction. The others have been via telephone.

How do you handle your personal security?

Because of my security, I can’t answer that question. I will say though that you have to be aware of your surroundings and listen to your instincts. The scene has changed. Traditional dominatrix is a thing of the past due to the rise of social media. Being a dominatrix, escort, porn star and stripper is all placed into one package so expectation of services has been confused due to visual desensitisation. It also comes from a lack of awareness and knowledge of what a dominatrix is.

Do you use safe words? What’s the weirdest one you’ve heard?

Yes! Pineapple is my boyfriend’s safe word.

Do safe words work? Has it ever gone too far?

This is a fantasy-based profession and sometimes the fantasy is more alluring than reality and this has resulted in clients reaching their threshold sooner than anticipated.

How much do you spend on your attire?

Over the years I’ve amassed a healthy collection of toys and costumes that were fun investments. As a mistress, attire is as important as the service itself, it’s all part of the fantasy. Pieces range from £80 for a flogger to £2,000 for a spanking bench. I mainly dress in latex, rubber and leather, which ranges from £80-£1,000. I work with a couple of designers (exhibit 69 and Broke Boutique) in London. They design bespoke pieces for me. Don’t get me started on my shoe collection.

Have you ever performed financial domination?

Yes. I have a client who I only communicate with over text. I text him the amount and he pays for it. A month ago he sent me his payment schedule and over the past six years he’s contributed £15,000.

What’s the strangest request you’ve ever gotten?

I was offered £2,000 to serve caviar, not the kind you get in a restaurant! This is sometimes referred to as ‘toilet training’.

Do people sign NDAs?

Surprisingly I’ve never been asked for one. I pride myself on being discreet and respectful of my clients’ private lives.

Have you ever been worried about a client and stopped for their own wellbeing?

Yes, the welfare of my clients is very important to me. I had a booking which turned into a counselling session. I could see that this client was in turmoil so I steered him to services that would help.

Have you been in a relationship while being a dom? How have your significant others dealt with your job?

I’ve been a dominatrix for several years. I’ve had some relationships, and they’ve had challenges. Some of the men felt insecure and others got jealous of my success and tried to change me and make me feel uncomfortable with who I am. Some of the men felt like I overpowered them, which led to domestic violence and robbery. That left me feeling hurt, violated and angry. Dating was even harder. I was many men’s fantasy but the reality of being in a relationship and taking me home to mother didn’t sit well. Many men felt that I was high maintenance and often called me trouble because I commanded so much attention. It made them feel that I was untrustworthy and frankly just way too much to handle. I spent many nights alone praying for someone to love me for who I am and to accept me. In 2017, I met an amazing man who is an artist, he asked me to be his muse and we fell in love. I finally met a man who had an interest in BDSM and loved the fact that I am a mistress. We had a discussion of what we felt was appropriate while being in a committed relationship. Once we were both happy with the boundaries that were set, it made my partner feel more confident; after all, relationships are built on trust. He even comes to the dungeon with me, has met my clients and styled me for photoshoots. We have fun with it and he understands that this is a part of me.

Do you work with couples?

Yes, I teach them how to introduce kink into their relationship. Most requests are to teach the woman how to be more dominant. I enjoy this aspect of my work a lot as it brings couples closer together. It’s a beautiful thing when you can explore your fetishes with the person you love. My next public workshop will cover fetishes, spanking and the best way to communicate your needs and desires to your partner.

Is there anything where you’ve been like, ‘Nah, too weird’?

I don’t like calling another person’s fetish ‘weird’. There are some things I’m into and there are others that are just not my thing, like needle play. This usually involves an instrument being inserted into the penis — not for me, thanks.

What’s the most common request you encounter?

Although I don’t offer these services, and have declined, I would say the most common request is force bi, which is a fantasy of a man being forced to have sex with another man. Followed by corporal punishment; luckily, I do that a lot. In fact it’s my favourite.

How many of the requests are psychological vs physical domination?

All domination is psychological, even those who request physical punishment.

Have you ever caught feelings for a client?

Never.

Have you ever had any negative reviews from a sub?

Never.

Any advice to a first-timer who’d like to try being dominant? Or tips for staying in character?

My advice would be to find a character you identify with that you wish to channel. Think about who your character is, how they would talk, behave and dress. Create a name for your character, your alter ego — commit to that character from the beginning to the end. This is similar to the Stanislavski method of acting.

Do you ever get bored during a session?

I start to think about random stuff like did I turn off the cooker and did I set my TV to record my favourite show.

What’s the biggest misconception about your job?

That I have sex with my clients.

How much do you charge for a session?

Fees are well established. Generally, they are about £400 an hour plus expenses, but it depends on any specific needs the client wants. My fees for my overseas clients are quite different, of course.

Tell us something shocking…

I’m not into porn. People assume I love it!

Check out Madam Storm at www.teachmestorm.co.uk or follow her on Instagram @madamstorm. Details on upcoming events, The Art of Seduction at Hoxton Square Bar & Kitchen here and STRUT Masterclass with Madam Storm at Queen of Hoxton here.