My Story With Being Transgender
By: Jamie Perez
Tags: Life, LGBTQ, Nonbinary, Transgender

The world is an increasingly accepting place that hopefully you are a part of and you may already support LGBTQ people, but in my opinion you have to understand them first. That is why today I will share my story as a non-binary transgender and pansexual individual.

Before I start however, I need to describe some vocabulary in case you have not heard the word or just do not recall the definition. Some terms I will use include transgender, cisgender, gender binary, heteronormative, and dysphoria. These are my brief descriptions to help you understand, but in my sources there is a link to a list of many more.

Transgender- When the gender you are assigned at birth is not the gender you identify as

Cisgender- When you do identify as the gender of your assigned birth

Gender Binary- A classification of gender into two categories: male and female

Heteronormative- A standard of society that everyone is/should be straight

Gender Dysphoria- A condition of self consciousness and discomfort with your assigned gender

Now that you have some background information it is time for my story.

Ever since I was young something felt off about who I was and why. Stereotypes are so common and often pushed on children as a way to shape who they should be. For example, girls like pink and wear dresses while boys like blue and are more adventurous. I hated feminine clothes and opted for jeans and t-shirts like my brother. I wanted to be just like him, nothing like my sister, (Side note I’ll say some good and bad things about each of them so I am just going to call my brother A and my sister S). I started playing basketball and baseball at around first grade on a team of kids in the area. There were three girls on the team, me and two others, and the rest were boys. I only wanted to hang out with them and be seen as one of them which is what made fourth grade become so mentally challenging for me. I was upset, mad that teams were being separated by gender. Why did I have to be on an all girls team? It just didn’t feel right. I was jealous and it even made sports so unenjoyable that by sixth grade I quit the thing I had loved for five years.

Middle school was not fun, although I don’t know that it really is for anyone. My mother and sister (who I might add is five years older than me) started forcing ideas on me to wear feminine clothes, make up, or do my hair nicely. I refused which had me and my sister grow apart even more than we already had. I cannot tell you how many times I wore the same hoodie and jeans during seventh and eighth grade. Although my clothes didn’t change I gave in to the pressure to wear my hair and makeup like other girls. This hurt me mentally, I became so self conscious that I developed a worsened anxiety, I was disgusted to stand before my peers. Every year I criticized myself more and had a hatred of myself that turned into depression and self harm. During my middle school years I learned more about LGBT people and something I recognize now that I did not consciously think about is just the fact that I thought trans people were the coolest. I found it fascinating and such a strong thing for people to go through, but I did not know that the reason for this was because it was hiding within myself.

It was during this phase of my life when something happened that I have always remembered. One day in seventh grade after school my mom wanted to talk to me. She told me that I should wear something “nice.” She went through my clothes and picked a shirt at the back of my closet. I had never worn it and for a reason. The neckline had lace and the sleeves were billowed. Although shy, I wasn’t always against sharing my opinion. I said that I didn’t want to but her and my sister insisted that I had to. That night I was so upset. I could never keep a journal (it was too much work) so I only wrote in it when I was really sad or angry and it was one of those days. I cried and was not looking forward to school the next day. I wore a jacket almost all day to cover it up but then I realized why I had to wear it. I got a pride award and had to stand on a stage in front of my class. My mom was there and even though I understood why she had made me wear it, it didn’t make me feel any better. This is a prime example of not being able to tolerate being perceived as feminine in front of others. I was so uncomfortable and felt humiliated. Not every girl wants to be feminine but I could tell there was something more to what I was feeling. This moment has always stuck with me as a time when I knew that I was different.

High school has been different every year, I’m still in this situation now, as I’m only sixteen. Freshman year I stopped doing my hair like the many girls at school. Instead I started braiding it to the side and tucking it into my shirt or jacket so it would be small and out of the way which I still do now. I was forced to confront myself with the fact that I was born in a body that was going to become feminine, whether I liked it or not. My mental health got worse and started having panic attacks at school, some teachers were understanding and one noticed that I needed help. He suggested that I try counseling but I wouldn’t, I felt it would be a burden of time and money wasted on me by my parents. But just like him my parents knew I was not okay. The summer before tenth grade I started counseling and it truly did help me. It gave me one safe place where I would finally be understood about my anxiety and depression. It was so great, but I never brought up my feelings of gender. I didn’t think I was necessarily transgender I just thought there was something wrong with me, I mean how common is it for a teen to daydream daily about being the opposite gender? I hated my body more than ever but as I started to look into the fact that I could be trans and not fully a boy, my life changed.

Transgender flag

My brother A came out as trans. I loved her even more than I had before and her name change is still with an A which is quite convenient for this writing (thanks sis!). My mom however was not so thrilled. She was accepting, sure, but she just couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that A was actually a woman at heart. S purposefully chose to ignore the pronoun change which infuriated me and I brought it up many times. At this point I had figured out that I was non-binary, but from the reaction to my sister I knew my family could not handle having another transgender child. It became more obvious that that was true, my mom started being paranoid and getting angry at me for “dressing like a boy.” I cried. A lot. I hurt myself when I had been doing so well for months. It was harder for me now to hide when I had at last figured out who I was. I did whatever I could to help with the dysphoria; I started wearing binders, taking A’s old clothes, hiding my hair up in hats when I was home alone or walking the dogs. The best thing for my health was to tell my friends and I am so grateful for them I can’t even describe it. When I am with them I get to be who I know I am. I am Jamie and my pronouns are they/them, I’m not a girl or a boy and they show me that it is okay to be me. I just wish I could feel like this always.

Non-binary flag

That is my general story and yes it’s long, but there is always more to anything. I want to talk about the three factors I find affect your life if you are LGBTQ. First off, there is the mental part. My story shows what can happen to people when you are angry or confused. Sources state the self harm and suicide rates are higher for LGBT people than heterosexual/ cisgender people. It is 3–6 times as likely and that is no coincidence. The second factor relates to this completely. Socially, queer and transgender people are judged and excluded. They are not treated as normal when in reality being LGBT is just as normal as being straight. The social factor relates to the third one as well: political. There are more states than you think that are allowed to discriminate against these people. The lack of anti-discrimination laws means that housing and jobs can be denied from queer people. Just because a woman loves another woman means she shouldn’t have a house? In my research I found that 24 states, almost exactly half, have no laws that explicitly state that you cannot discriminate against people due to sexual orientation or gender identity.

Throughout my research I began to realize what might actually help people in figuring out what they are and being okay with that. One quote that stood out to me is: ”once denaturalized in this manner, new gender norms might be acknowledged that allow new possibilities for becoming human.” If gender norms are seen as the sexist and stereotypes that they are they can be disregarded or altered. I believe that the best way to do this is by teaching more about gender and sexualities in schools. By teaching at a young age kids can learn that they can be whoever they want to be regardless of their gender. It can help queer and trans people feel more normal rather than isolated. Like the article states, there is possibility and in my opinion to prevent it with outdated standards is not fair. Many sources talk about the fact that gender is seen as a way to understand and shape yourself, rather than doing what feels right. Sex typing should not be the way we categorize people, like described in a developmental psychology article that is scientific and peer reviewed.

A bathroom option that would benefit trans people.

Another big issue with laws against LGBT community is focused on transgender individuals. There are many articles about court cases in which real trans people are taken to court to deny bathroom use of the gender they identify as. Oftentimes they lose. These days violence has been all too prevalent in society. The fact that there are lists of LGBT black people who were murdered is not okay. They’re from this year, a year that is thought to be accepting. Living in a heteronormative society means that if you are queer or trans you have to come out, but if you are not then you don’t. If the world were truly accepting then you wouldn’t have to come out. If straight people don’t have to we shouldn’t have to either. People make excuses for homophobia like religion or where they’re from, but there is no such thing as an excuse for discrimination. You need to remember three words no matter what situation you may be in. Whether you are gay, bisexual, pansexual, poly, trans, asexual, genderqueer, or anything imaginable. YOU ARE VALID!