Love & Acceptance
By: V A
Tags: Life, Love, Acceptance, Perspective, Humanity

Love & Acceptance

“When we love someone, our communication is ignited from a place of love & there are no real obstacles. Every soul is bankrupt of spiritual power, and that is why each one wants to receive before giving. Imagine where everyone is a giver and not a taker.”

When we love someone, we want them to be happy, which in-turn makes us happy (or at-least that’s the intention); happy people are capable of making others happy. Sometimes, we say that “I am your parent,” or “I am your spouse” or “I am your brother,” etc., and I want you to be happy; when you think about it, there are certain nuances about your spouse, sister, girlfriend, etc., that seem to be irksome.

But, because we “love” that person, we accept those nuances, and during the times of an argument or anger we announce our “tolerance” or intense dislike of such nuances. How can we say that we love someone & simultaneously tolerate or dislike (or maybe hate) such nuances of their character/personality, certain habits — something that’s deep rooted part of a person we love?

Does this mean there are parts of ourselves we are just tolerating? If yes, then, do we really love ourselves? If no, then saying “I love you” to our loved ones just becomes a mere chore or an obligation.

Most people, when asked, would say that loving somebody means to accept them wholly, with all their flaws & imperfections, understanding them at, and in, their best and the worst. Let me try to give you an example. If there is something we enjoy doing, like exercising in a gym or hiking or bicycling, you and I accept it with the accompanying distractions (traffic, sweat, noise, etc.) and know that all the distractions are part of that particular activity — the end result of which is beneficial for us. Loving a person is similar in that way; it must not come with accoutrements of “but,” “if,” “only,” etc. Just as in our hobbies, loving a person, accepting a person as they are enhances their value, helps us love them, understand them, enjoy everything about them even further. Moreover, once we learn to do it with one person, doing it to people around us, even strangers, becomes easier, exponentially benefitting ourselves the people around us.

As I mentioned, happy people are capable of making others happy. Similarly, people who love themselves are capable of loving others. Just like a poor person can’t somebody another poor person, a person who does not love himself cannot love another person.

Most of us have a positive self-esteem and positive self-image. To love ourselves means to accept our own self with all our faults and imperfections and accept ourselves as humans. But, sometimes, for whatever reason, we act or say something we dislike or regret, causing mental discomfort. At such times, we realize that we are not perfects and the sense of love that we feel towards ourselves (or others) is, to some extent, a façade. During these times all the “I love you” we say becomes an obligation which is masking sense of discomfort.

At one time, only one thing may exist — either a feeling of love or a feeling of pain. Over a period of time the accumulation of pain (or discomfort) begins to take a toll on us mentally and physically and our minds will never be stable (or more specifically, at peace). We say that we sacrificed so much or we did this and that because we’re doing things outside without working on ourselves inside.

This is right kind of an action with wrong kind of thinking. It is almost like a business transaction; we are thinking and saying that I’ve done these things for you and in return you should do this for me or I should get that in return. Whatever I am today is because of whatever I did in the past, because of moments I created in the past, because of feelings I created in the past.

Acceptance is the first step of transformation. “I accept” means your behavior or actions do not create discomfort in my mind. My healing has to begin by accepting myself. Accepting my own self does not mean I am perfect or I don’t need to change.

Accepting myself turns into knowing myself; I don’t play games with myself once I accept. There is no justification needed and I learn to be honest with myself; then I am honest and transparent with others too. I am not what others think about me. True side of me is a pure being with pure thoughts, a peaceful & a graceful being, and an honest being who knows oneself. Once I know myself, I know my strengths leading to more confidence.

I accept myself, know myself, approve of myself & the result is I empower myself. Knowledge is power. This acceptance and empowering will give me strength which will allow me to improve. Because in past I depleted myself, I couldn’t change myself even though I wanted to. Empowering ourselves leads to effortless improvement.

I have to identify the area in myself to improve and, because I am empowered, that process of improvement becomes effortless. You can ignite Rama or Ravana, Good or Bad, in others depending on what you ignite within yourself. This means accepting, knowing, approving and empowering yourself and after that just being yourself — requiring nothing, wanting nothing, and no pretention. What’s inside your mind is clean; then you, as a being, emerge without alteration because you are beautiful and pure. This seeps into our relationships as loving humans.