Seinfeldisms, the Depression Version
By: Ashley L. Peterson
Tags: Humor, Seinfeld, Mental Illness, TV Series, Depression

Seinfeldisms, the Depression Version

Because sayings from Seinfeld can be applied to almost anything

I’ve been a huge fan of Seinfeld since back when it was originally on TV, and it’s remarkable how the lingo from the show remains part of the popular lexicon. The show is one of the few things that can still make me laugh even when I’m feeling depressed. Here’s my take on how some of favourite Seinfeldisms can come in handy when dealing with depression.

Close talker: This applies to pretty much anyone who gets within ten feet of me. Back off, please and thank you.

“But, are you still master of your domain?” (Jerry): This is an easy win, thanks to the antidepressant sex-drive-killing super-power.

“That’s a pretty big matzo ball hanging out there.” (Jerry): The feeling when you drop your crazy person diagnosis bomb on someone and get only silence in response.

“Serenity now, insanity later.” (Lloyd Braun): A handy response to that annoying friend that won’t stop telling you meditation is the best thing since sliced bread and you should stop taking your medication.

“Sweet fancy moses!” (George): The reaction when you see the cost of your new antidepressant that’s not covered by insurance.

“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” (Kramer): a.k.a. “This lithium is making me thirsty!”

“I’ve discovered something even better than conjugal visit sex… fugitive sex.” (George): I wonder hospital patient sex fits in…. Not that I’m speaking from experiencing, of course…

“Worlds are colliding! George is getting upset!” (George): The feeling of panic when someone who treated you on the psych ward (and firmly chastised you for hospital patient sex, not that I know anything about that) suddenly walks into your current place of work.

“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’” (Jerry, said to George): That’s great, so you got the memo! I’m glad I’ve made myself clear!

“Maybe the dingo ate your baby.” (Elaine): A handy response when someone asks why you were off work for the last few months and you can’t think of a handy made-up answer off the top of your head.

“Am I crazy? Or am I just so sane I blew your mind?” (Kramer): A good comeback when someone patronizingly suggests you’re just getting upset about something because of your illness.

“I should be in a place like this. You get to wear slippers all day. Friends visit. They pity you. Pity is very underrated. I like it, it’s good. Plus, they give you those word association tests. I love those.” (George, on the topic of mental institutions): What you say when you’re trying to convince yourself that it probably is a good thing to take yourself into hospital.

“ I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It’s a pleasure.” (George): What it feels like to get back to your everyday crazy after an episode of depression.

“Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” (George): What you say to psych yourself up to lie about why you don’t actually need whatever it is your psychiatrist is trying to foist onto you.

“Yada, yada, yada…” (Elaine): If she can yada yada sex, then I should be able to yada yada crazy person behaviour.

And finally, something you can say to the friend who’s been uncomfortable with your illness: “Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?” (George)