IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU’LL GET OVER IT
By: Peace Over Panic Blog
Tags: Mentalhealthblog, Health, Tips And Tricks, Wellness, Blog

Becca Tapert — Unsplash

‘I don’t get it’

‘I think you’re just sensitive’

‘You’re not well’

‘Is this a real thing?’

‘I think you just can’t handle the pressure’

Any of this sound familiar to you?

This is a hard post to write but I think it is so important to address some of the things that can be said when we open up to others about our anxiety. We might not even understand what is going on with ourselves at times, so how the heck do we even begin explaining to our close ones what we are feeling? Anxiety is also something that isn’t simple to explain and physically there to see. When someone breaks their leg, it’s very easy to understand what has happened but that’s not the case for anxiety. Firstly, everyone experiences anxiety in a different way. We have different triggers. Even small things can set us off. Suddenly walking into a shopping mall can seem daunting and your friends and family can’t understand why this is an issue when you have done it so many times before. Moreover, we in ourselves can feel the danger, but this is invisible to everyone else. How do we explain to someone that being on our own, in a crowded bar or in an elevator leaves us feeling at imminent risk, like the environment around us is getting smaller and smaller and we feel like we can’t breathe?

The next battle to face is that anxiety is something that has only really come into the spotlight very recently. It is something that is gaining greater recognition and respect as a concept but when we really start to lean into the feelings and thoughts that come up, it is not something that everyone will be able to relate and respond to. About a year into my anxiety, I started to notice that a lot of workplaces were implementing ‘mental health’ into their agendas. More group sessions were starting to be held where stress would be explained and discussed, practices such as subsidised yoga classes were being offered and more flexibility in working from home was being embraced. This was a really positive initial step but I am not sure if the deeper topics such as trying to raise awareness about how to help others with anxiety and providing coping mechanisms to employ in every-day life have been touched on enough. Recently words such as mindfulness have gained traction, but do we all really know what it means and how to incorporate this into our days to help us feel calmer and in control of our mental health?

Matthew Bennett — Unsplash

Then we have the last big hurdle which is age and cultural associations. When we find ourselves trying to confide in someone who is from an older generation there could perhaps be this tendency to compare ‘struggles’. I’m sure many of you will be able to relate to that parent, grand-parent and family relative who says how much tougher things were back in their day and all the different things they had to juggle. What can be even more challenging is being part of that generation yourself where you feel like you’ve been through harder times and start to question ‘so why am I getting so worked up over smaller things?’

Either way can leave us believing that we may not be justified in feeling the way we do and this can create a vicious cycle where we lack self-compassion and also empathy for others, can avoid getting help and become harder on ourselves when our anxiety starts to peak. Culture also plays a big part — the simple notion that anxiety and panic attacks are not a ‘real thing’ can exist and this is a big challenge to overcome. You have to break things down and really open yourself up to be vulnerable so you can show those around you what is going on because they ‘simply don’t get it’ and many people can’t help but judge. This can be a long process for some, change doesn’t happen overnight and a lot of patience is required.

When I made the decision to open up to my parents about my anxiety and the panic attacks, it wasn’t just one conversation that had to be had. It was hard but I tried to open up and describe the symptoms to give them a better understanding. My mum is definitely the definition of tough love. Initially, she was absolutely lost for words when I would open up to her and she thought I had brought all this upon myself. However, as time passed, she realised that simply being with me during a panic attack was enough comfort. If I ever felt anxious during the night, even if it was at 3am, I could message my mum and she would come jump into my bed and lay there next to me until the morning.

Kinga Cichewicz — Unsplash

These little things made the world of difference for me and I am forever grateful for that support. My dad is a tougher personality who could not understand what I was saying even after a whole year of seeing it first-hand. I think he believed I couldn’t handle pressure, that I was weak and perhaps even making the whole thing up. All that changed in one way that I really wished hadn’t happen — when he had his own panic moment one day. The first thing he said was ‘I get it now’ and it was bittersweet because of course I was glad that he finally understood what I had been through but I really wish he hadn’t had to experience it for himself.

I believe that all of the above factors combined are what can lead others to respond to our anxiety in a way so completely the opposite of what we need. However, what we must remember is that they may not have the accurate awareness needed around the subject. So, it is important for us to not let those words hurt and demean us and the biggest thing is, we can’t believe them. Know that whatever you are feeling, it is real, it belongs to you and no one else can judge that. A lot of our loved ones will be able to adapt and understand us a little better and those who don’t, simply don’t get it and that is absolutely fine. It can become exhausting having to explain what you are feeling in each situation so I found that what helps is to have a certain amount of people in your life as the ‘people in the know’. In your workplace, perhaps have 2–3 colleagues who you open up to and know you can talk things over with. The same applies in your friendship group and even within your family. Have that team built up where you know that at any time you want to have that open and raw conversation, they will be there, without any judgment. We can’t focus all of our energy on trying to justify our experiences to others who are not yet ready to be open to it. Let them come around in their own time and use your energy on positive interactions and to focus on yourself.

Toni Hukkanen — Unsplash

Remember we cannot control other people’s minds, their behaviours and responses.

However, we can control ours.

Are you going to let negative uninformed comments without any substance interfere with your day, healing process and emotions?

I know it can be really hard to let go of certain things said. We let them run around in our mind the whole day and we end up being the ones that have lost out on time. Are those people sat there thinking about what they said — highly unlikely! So why should we allow such respect to be given to wasted words? If you ever find that you are trying your best to explain what is happening but are facing a lot of resistance, challenge and even ridicule from the other person, simple respond ‘it’s okay, I don’t think you get it now but in time you will’ and move on.

I truly believe that our most challenging times help us to grow so incredibly strong. When working on our anxiety, panic and stress, we can become more protective of ourselves in a good way, focus on working towards our goals and obtain more clarity and inner-peace than we had before. We know that things can get really tough but over time we start to learn that we have the strength, belief and support system to get back up and try again. We in ourselves being to realise the strength and power we hold, so why would we ever give it away to someone else?

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS AND KNOW THEY ARE REAL.

EMBRACE THEM.

WORK ON THE TOUGH THOUGHTS.

MAKE CONSCIOUS DECISIONS WHEN OPENING UP ABOUT YOUR ANXIETY.

LEAN ON YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM WHENEVER YOU NEED TO.

DISREGARD THE UNWANTED NEGATIVITY BY FOCUSSING ON YOURSELF.

PROTECT AND NURTURE THIS PART OF YOU BECAUSE ONE DAY SOON IT WILL BECOME A SOURCE OF YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH.