3 Don’ts and 7 Dos for Surviving the Holiday Stress Spiral (and no, it’s not self-care, although that doesn’t suck)
By: Amy Nicole Naim
Tags: Wellbeing, Stress Management, Holiday Season, Health

Photo by Ludde Lorentz on Unsplash

*Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links that are at no cost to you, and on which I may earn a small commission. I only recommend products that I truly love and would use myself.

I recently saw a close friend of mine who is in my proverbial Covid “bubble”. As we sipped wine responsibly outdoors spaced out under her cozy deck heaters, I knew something wasn’t quite right with her.

“Are you ok?” I asked her later when I arrived home. Something just seemed amiss.

“Yes, yes everything is ok” she said, “I just feel unsettled seeing every car with a tree strapped on top and many neighbor’s houses already decorated in lights.

It’s not even December yet!”

I really did feel her pain. I myself already felt completely overwhelmed with messages of people saying DONE! with their holiday shopping in October, of seeing people’s houses decorated with Christmas lights on Halloween, of seeing holiday discounts and promotions everywhere I looked, the store windows filling up with twinkly lights and happy elves, not to mention the perfect tree/winter scenes coming off my Instagram feed making me feel infinitely sucky.

I. Can’t. Breathe.

Listen, I get it. The shit show that is 2020 has prompted everyone to seek out any bit of joy they can as soon as they can, whenever they can. Heck, my friend, who already had gone past the Jan/Feb take the tree down deadline, just said screw it and has kept hers up all year. Because, Joy.

We gotta take it where we can get it these days. I am with you; #bringmeallthejoy

That said, I feel you if you’re one of those let’s do the holidays starting in October people. But if you’re not, and you’d just like to take your time with things and not let yourself get completely overwhelmed, discouraged, and like I was, all of a sudden feeling like a ginormous don’t have my shit together loser, I’m sharing 3 Don’ts and 7 Do’s/tips that I follow that may help keep you sane and actually not defeat the very joy we’re trying to enjoy in the first place. mmmmk? Here we go.

The Don’ts:

Go down the Instagram/Pinterest I will NEVER be good enough scroll-hole.

Listen to me people, and listen good. These “influencer” bitches on social media spend months, nay years, planning out their content, and having their “oh I just threw this together” perfect scenes coming out of their homes is just not realistic for most people.

These peeps (God bless them) have figured out how to get paid from creating these perfect scenarios, so they’re not leaving this shit to chance. You feel me?

Do I love to look at them too and get inspired? Sure. But once these scenes start making you think your cute, but shaggy reindeer and a sprig of mistletoe hanging overhead are pathetic when they’re really things that spark joy for you, then you know you are falling prey to the may we inform you you aren’t perfect scroll-hole. Step away from the phone. Stop doubting yourself. You are MORE than good enough. You are awesome. period.

2. Spin out on the overwhelm train

It happened so innocently, I started doing the brain dump list where I write everything down that I have to do. Then I started designing our holiday card. Then I realized many people had moved and I needed to update my address list. I could feel it — the face tingle of stress, my chest getting tighter, the dull headache.

I do this to myself quite frequently. It’s almost like punishment because I intellectually know, as most of us do, that it’s all going to be ok, and to me, frankly, this all really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life, especially this year as all I can think about is how grateful I am that we are healthy. So why do I turn it into this death spiral of stress?

Noticing that I’m doing it is the first step of getting out of it. Once I notice it, I walk away from what I’m doing and move onto things that I love and find something, anything, that brings me real-time instant joy — like an hour of cute puppy videos or more Netflix binging on The Crown — highly recommend and highly necessary. It works. Every time. More on those in the DO list below. #stopthestressspiral

3. Think about all your BHAGS at once

Why in the shit we do this to ourselves I really don’t know (again, perhaps more self-sabotage) but in the midst of your spiral (see #2) we decide it’s also a great idea to start thinking about the “big” things we want to accomplish in our lives, aka BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals).

For me, I started to go nuts thinking I needed to update my web site, beating myself up about why my book isn’t done and out there, why I hadn’t moved forward in a course (honestly, a few courses) I was taking, let alone finish, plus a course of my own I was designing but am too freaking scared to put out into the world.

Oh also! I hadn’t worked on my screenplay in months. That was another great one. But don’t forget on top of all this BS, you will add on other more worrisome matters that most of us are fretting about right now like when is the next lockdown is coming, when will we ever travel again, what does a vaccine mean for all of us, and what is the meaning of life, why can’t we all just get along, and for reals, how is my neighbor’s dog so freaking well-trained? #fail

Seriously?

The spiral is real people. No matter how you get into it, or what triggers it, the best way to jump out of it is just to notice what you’re doing. Once I did the step-away things I need to do to stop the incessant monkey mind, I realize I need to get back to basics, come back to how I want to feel, and remind myself that little bits every day are the only way to move forward. Fast-forwarding into the “shoulds” is a surefire way to send you spinning out and berating yourself for all the things.

And honestly, let’s just ask ourselves a question; What for? What is the sense of the spinout?

Unless you use the opportunity to see that perhaps what you’re working on (or haven’t been working on) isn’t really for you, in which case, it’s a great time to give zero Fs and let it go, which will make you feel infinitely better. The shoulds will only serve to make you feel bad, and we’re doing the opposite of that here, remember? Ok.

So that brings us to the heck yes, DO these things instead list.

The Dos:

Listen to YOUR Music

Yup, you’ve heard this one before, but I’m telling you, it always works. Always. Shitty day? Thoughts spinning out of control. Favorite jams are on and I’m instantly in a better place. If you’re anything like me, I need the fun, sing top of my lungs or pretend I’m on Dancing with the Star kind of stuff to get me through…. feel free to follow my Spotify “likes” list here. It’ll help, I promise.

2. Meditate & Visualize YOUR happy happy joy joy

Ok, before you spazz and think I’m talking an hour of meditation. No.

4 minutes. Can you handle 4 minutes? I think you can.

I’m a big follower of Mike Dooley and adore his book (one of many) Playing the Matrix — A Program for Living Deliberately and Creating Consciously. In it, he talks about his daily meditation/visualization — usually in the morning for 4 minutes.

He sets a timer, pictures all the things in great detail that he’s desiring or appreciating in the now — he just gets in there, and feels all the feels of those images in his head, for 4 minutes. Then he’s out. He lets it all go.

I came back to this method recently and it’s helped me so much because I would put so much pressure on myself to meditate for longer — because I was “supposed” to, right? Wrong. We have to do what’s doable for us, with the caveat that you actually do it, daily. Otherwise, you’re just jamming yourself into someone else’s box of what works for them, and that just adds to my spin-factor.

But 4 minutes? I can do that.

I also have a little mind-movie I made that is about 2 minutes long featuring all the specific images that inspire and bring me joy. I do the 4-minute visualization and then watch my little mind-movie and I feel super inspired and on high — a great way to start your day, wouldn’t you agree?

3. Walk.

I don’t think I have to remind you of this, but I’ll just plug it in here, just in case, because it helps me that much. Walking, either with my doggo or myself is life-giving. It has to be shat-tastic weather for me not to get out and get some fresh air multiple times a day.

If you’re stuck inside all day, which most of us are, whether we’re working or not, there’s even more reason to get out, and if you want some big-time anti-stress spiral points, take a walk outside on the grass or dirt (or in my son’s case, on the street!) in your bare tootsies.

Yup! It’s a method called “grounding” or “Earthing” and it helps reconnect you to Mother Earth via transference of the Earth’s electrons straight up into you! You’ll have to look that one up for more details like its aid in better sleep and pain management, but I promise you it’s a thing, and it feels great. Just watch out for any little critters, rocks, twigs, or other fun things that might rain on your Earthing parade.

4. Get your inspiration on

I started something new soon after the lockdown in March that really helped kick off my day on an uplifting note, and now I’m a bit addicted to it. On my early morning walk with my pupster, I am almost always listening to Abraham Hicks (you’ll have to google it if you don’t know what I’m talking about) but Esther’s channeled words help me feel grounded, yet lifted at the same time.

She helps me remember, sometimes in a hilarious way (cuz dang this woman is funny) that we are all just reacting to the things around us, that we are actually creating our reality, each and every minute. She reminds me to be tuned in, tapped in, turned on so I can see the day with fresh eyes, and a new perspective. If you are confused, commence binging some Abraham and you’ll start to feel it too.

If Abraham isn’t your jam and too on the woo spiritual side for you, find people and things that inspire and uplift you vs. doom and gloom news that just gives you more anxiety — at least first thing in the morning. You can have your doom and gloom later if you must. But must you?

5. Laugh

This one, my friends, is probably I’d say THE most important thing for you to get in on the daily (besides #7). I adore funny people and anyone who presents as such to me will likely make it into my inner circle of peeps I need in my life like oxygen. This would explain why my bestie is a comedian, and trust me that’s no coincidence.

If you sadly don’t happen to be surrounded by much funny, there is just too much funny online to list, but find them, immediately, and follow them.

Some of my biggies if you need some ideas: @netflixisajoke @sebastiancomedy @jimgaffigan

As for the health bennies, dang there are many. Maybe you’ve heard some of these before, but I think the Mayo Clinic outlines the short and long-term ones I’ve copied below quite nicely. (You can find the full article here)

Short-term benefits

A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn’t just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can:

Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.

Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.

A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling. Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Long-term effects

Laughter isn’t just a quick pick-me-up, though. It’s also good for you over the long term. Laughter may:

Improve your immune system. Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.

Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses. Relieve pain. Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.

Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.

Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Improve your mood. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier.

Sooooo, if all that, doesn’t convince you to get on your HAHAs, I am not sure you have a sense of humor at all, and that’s a whole other issue for another time. 😉

6. Adaptogens

You may know I’m a big health-nut, so this one has got to come up, but for good reason. Adaptogens are compounds found in plants that have a few bennies, but one which I use it for is managing stress and maintaining calm and focus, something in these times especially is a non-negotiable.

I use one from the health and wellness company I partner with (you can find it here) that I adore. And trust me when I tell you, if I skip a few days of taking it, I notice. Of course, I can only speak to my personal experience, giving this one a very high recommendation, but if you look into it, I’m sure you’ll find other good ones on the market.

Take the time to research if this is right for you, as well as the product quality, as that certainly can make all the difference in making sure you’re getting the real deal.

7. Stop thinking about yourself

Sometimes, when you’re just having that kind of day and no amount of funny, cute bunnies, herbs, or deep breathing seems to snap you out of it, the go-to is to stop thinking about yourself — yes you can! Proactive giving will lift you entirely.

It doesn’t have to be some huge gesture like spending your day in a soup kitchen or delivering gifts and/or donating warm coats to those in need — although that is super great to do if you can, and the 2nd two are my usual go-to's — but just little things like texting someone you haven’t spoken to in a while to tell them how much you appreciate them and genuinely how fab they are, brings you connection and love and joy like nothing else.

Seeing the win-win here?

To think of others in ways big and small is the anecdote to your spinning ego-centric monkey mind. Even just helping someone with a recommendation or a kind word gets me giddy — and I know it will you too.

Deep breaths my loves. Mr. Marley said it best; Every little thing is gonna be alright.