hope is the dream of a walking man
By: Taranea Scott
Tags: Sad, Quotes, Moving On, Love, Breakups

I spent a lot of time writing as a child. Thoughts, feelings, make believe stories and a few poems here and there. Writing has always been my escape. A place to navigate the chaos. A place to understand my feelings. A place of clarity. I have never really cared if 100 people read my writings or 4, I just want to say my piece and have closure within. Its been therapy to me and i am glad that i found this sort of outlet. I guess thats why i can never commit to being a true writer. I feel like authors are telling stories that they want to share. My writings are more of opinions and feelings and im not sure if any of this is relatable. The thing is — this is my 6th published writing and 3/6 are about you. I don’t want to write about love and heartbreaks and all the gooshy stuff in between and make everyone think i have it figured out. Im only 24 and with only having 2 ish semi serious relationships in my life, there is no way i can write about love passionately. 6 out of those 6 writings, I wrote as if i was talking to you. Alot of things with you felt easy. Easy to write to, easy to hang out with, easy to love.

Ive thought a lot about what i would have said to you if i would have known that was our last time hanging out. 3 weeks later i stupidly still think about you every day. I catch myself thinking about your eyes, and how i always got lost in them. I think about how you used to light up when I walked into the room. I think about the beautiful picture you painted in my head about our future together. Truth is, If i had knew it was our last time hanging out i would not have said any of these things to you. I would probably just hug you til the very last second and go home to write. I have been super cautious about our relationship. The way i talk about you to other people. The way i post you on social media and the way i wrote about you in the past. I was trying to protect our relationship for the Judges Judys out there. I used to write letters to you after we first broke up. 2 a day starting out, and then 1 a day to now this. Writing letters I’ll never give you isn’t closure for me. Closure to me, is ending things in life the way i end my writings. So that is what i am rambling about today.

I simply want to say Thank You. Our relationship in the beginning was so fun and exciting and i quickly fell for every part of you. You became someone i trusted, cared for and had a lot of fun with. You brought out a side of me that i didn’t even know was there. You were my best friend and it saddens me to see this be the way it ended. Thank you for giving me your time and effort. Thank you for trying your “best”. This would be the third time we broke up and after re-reading the other two writings about you theres no doubt in my mind that i loved you. If i met you again tomorrow, i would choose you. In the next life, ill still choose you and even after all that went down i would choose you right now. Some people are in your life for a reason and some people are in your life for a season and I am sure summer is over. The honeymoon was over and we realized we rushed everything. I knew this relationship was a delegate flower and it needed to be nursed correctly in order to bloom or it would die. We both knew and love made us blind. Love and infatuation of each other made us rush past simple, yet important milestones. Something draws me to you and I think that soft spot in my heart is what made our relationship blow up in flames with nothing to come back to. I knew after the first time we broke up that our timing was off. I was just so happy to have a relationship with someone i adored and adored me back, i just didn’t care.

Grey’s anatomy became my favorite show when one of the characters said a quote that i fell involve with, it is:

“ Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are”

I feel as if you did eclipse what i need just because we had different goals for our relationship. I feel as if you made a lot of decisions for us. After being unheard my whole life I struggled with telling you how certain things made me feel. Communication has always been my weak point. This is not to talk poorly of you or bash anything we had. I have no regrets in our relationship. This is just my way of moving on. My way of letting go and closing this chapter of the book.

I hope we meet again when were both a little older and wiser. I hope time is on our side by then. I hope you accomplish all your goals and feel happy. I hope you find what you’re looking for and are satisfied. I hope you never settle for anyone that is less than what you deserve. I hope that one day you unblock me. I hope that one day you see something that reminds you of me and you apologize for how you made me feel. I hope that you take ownership for your part. I hope you remember to take breaks and relax. I hope you don’t have to work so much in the future. I hope everything works out for you. Last, I hope you find the wife you’re looking for.

But then again, Aristotle did say “ Hope is the dream of a walking man”