What does the bride need right now?
By: Bodo Krug Von Nidda
Tags: Covid 19, Weddings, Wedding Planning, Wedding Locations

Ten years ago this July, I got married. It was back in 2010 but it feels like yesterday; I certainly have vivid memories like it was yesterday. Memories of the excitement, the joy, the beauty, the connections, the gratitude for having friends from all over the world travel to share this special day with us.

For this July of the year 2020, a lot of brides and grooms experience excitement too, but of a different kind — and definitely less joy. It will be an unusual July because we are (and may still be three months from now) cooped up at home, practising social distancing, unable to connect, deprived of the joy of anticipation, unable to have friends travel from all over the world.

I know a thing or two about the questions these brides and grooms ask themselves today — because they ask me those questions. I help out with managing a wedding location, which usually is one of the best side jobs in the world: you meet lots of enthusiastic young couples, very much in love, very excited, very happy. You contribute to making them even happier by providing a century-old location with bohemian charm - as a backdrop for them to write the first chapter of their lives together.

These days, it’s not so great a job anymore. The couples that are usually so happy are now anxious, insecure, confused. They don’t know whether their wedding in July (or August, or September) of 2020 will even be allowed to go ahead; they don’t know whether to commit to a caterer; they don’t know whether their best man from Hong Kong will be allowed in the country any time soon.

I have been dealing with a lot of this anxiety and confusion, and it takes a big toll: emotionally, and because big money is at stake on both sides. For us as a wedding location, we’re also anxious: will the couple reschedule by a year? Will they cancel altogether? Will they ask for their deposit back — money which has already been reinvested in upkeep and improvements, because a century-old building is a bottomless pit?

Just last week, I was on the phone with one such couple. They had both been furloughed, were on benefits instead of their usual double income, and knew there was no way they could pay for a wedding this year. They were anxious; and so was I. The bottomless pit was beckoning. On the phone, I was just listening and not making any promises. In my head, I was thinking about the legal implications: yes, Covid was a problem — but whose problem was it, theirs or ours? Would we be allowed to keep the deposit, or claim the full rent despite a cancellation?

The couple was talking about postponing to 2021, but they also needed money, right now, so indeed they were asking for their deposit back. What to do?

It took me a week to figure out. In hindsight, it wasn’t that difficult — but it took a week nonetheless. One morning I woke up with the realization what it actually means to run a wedding location. You’re not renting out a space. You’re not providing a service. It’s much bigger than that: you are part of a couple’s dream for their big day, and the happiness of all their guests. So the only thing that mattered was: What Does The Bride Need Right Now? Thankfully, she had told me herself. She needed money. She needed respite. She needed to feel no pressure so she could get back on her feet, financially and emotionally, in her own time.

So of course we paid back the entire deposit. It was hard, because really we had already spent that money; but it was what the bride needed, and catering to the bride’s needs is the right thing to do and the very reason our business exists.

You cannot begin to imagine the relief and gratitude when we told them. Once they get their finances back in order, they will book our location again, that’s for sure — because they felt the connection, felt the empathy of us taking their side and taking a long view.

And while the bride and groom are certainly still hurting about the disruption of their plans — in the end, it is not going to matter whether they get married in 2020 or 2021. Ten years from now, in 2030, it will feel like yesterday, either way.