Repentance
By: Jai Shankar Pandey
Tags: Humanity, Personal Story, Pets And Animals, Care, Memories

Repentance

This is about why you should not have a pet unless…

Photo from personal files — Shaggy

It was the 3rd of March 2019. The memory of that day is so intense that it is totally unforgettable. In fact, year 2019 itself was quite taxing for my family, so was it for him too. My cancer was taking its toll mentally, physically, emotionally, and a great deal financially on the family. Obviously, my ailment and resultant joblessness were dragging the whole affair into a negative direction. At the same time, he too was aging and needed a lot of medical, personal, and emotional care, which despite all efforts was not seeming possible, and we three were (my wife, daughter and I) definitely feeling deeply guilty about it.

Struck badly by such grim situations, despite all medical care possible, he could not sustain the unintentional sinful neglect and finally broke. It was around midnight. With his lower half paralyzed, constantly licking his lips, and trying to get up and move forward, he was trying to say something to us. Ironically, over the last 12 years, we could read his mind through his eyes and fulfill his desires on the slightest of a gesture, and we were so proud of the kind of connection we had with him. Unfortunately, that very night, we were unable to decipher what he was trying to convey. Probably, it was the fear of losing him, or his pathetic condition that overpowered us or numbed us with shock that we could not get his signals.

Finally, I just poured some water into his mouth and he desperately started drinking it. Suddenly, it was all clear! He was damn thirsty and trying to go to his water bowl and drink some water. Alas! Shame on us! So pathetic creatures we were! I took him on my lap and constantly caressed him, and my wife let him drink as much water as he wanted, then he urinated comfortably on me, and that was it! He breathed his last. We were dumbstruck, we had lost him.

While serving in Indian Air Force, I was assigned dog shooting duty. Though shooting dogs and wild boars was a genuine flight safety routine, yet honestly speaking, I hated this duty the most. I could shoot an enemy without a second thought, but shooting these innocent animals! Come on! I never felt it fair. However, on that duty day, I had to unavoidably shoot one dog and his painful death was imprinted on my soul and unbeknown to me, a thought of repentance stealthy sneaked into my mind that one day I would have a pet dog and love and take care of him in the best possible manner.

So, here he was, Shaggy! Probably just a month old, cute, lovely snow-white Pomeranian puppy in my lap with only three black dots constituting his face, two eyes and a snout! I must admit that my wife was completely against bringing him home. Quite fairly so! She could realize the immense responsibility that was about to come on her shoulders with his inclusion into the family.

She had witnessed the inhuman treatments meted out to pets in certain families where the dogs are permanently tied outside the house, fed only curd and rice, beaten brutally, and are deprived of their essential walking routine. She could never understand why people opt to have a pet when they cannot treat them like their own children. Probably, they senselessly bring the pets home just to fulfill the demands of their own kids and make them happy. These cruel humans have a misconception that pets are just like lifeless toys, which children play with for some time, then throw away and get rid of.

Of course, I too absolutely agreed with her concerns. However, I succumbed to two things. One, I could not ignore the innocent and childlike stubbornness of the 10-year-old only daughter I had. Two, the guilt of killing a dog always haunted me and probably it was the time of proper repentance.

Surprisingly, Shaggy came with his mouth full of rice grains, and we indeed considered it a good omen. We just loved his presence and celebrated his arrival and christening. That night and many more nights, he slept beside me like a newborn infant. He was really a living toy for my daughter, and my wife took care of him just like her own son, cleaned his potties, wiped his pee, and fed him with the best of foods.

As he grew, his naughtiness too grew extensively. During teething, he chewed my slippers, shoes, corners of the wooden sofas, and whatnot. His love towards us was limitless too. Early mornings he jumped on my chest and licked my cheeks as if they were chocolates, and forced me to take him for walks. He followed me like my network! Wherever I went, he was there with me. He was so sensitive to my presence that the moment I used to enter the colony, he used to start barking and wagging his tail even without seeing me. For my wife and neighbours, it was a sure signal of my arrival. Oh! We enjoyed every bit of his playfulness.

As the time flew by, he turned into a really handsome, energetic and agile guy. Right from the kitchen to rooms to terrace, everywhere he left his footprints, even our beds were not spared. He was just a free bird. He was not exactly a very fluffy and small toy Pom, but a little bigger in size which made him kind of a guard dog too.

I still remember that day when hurriedly my daughter left for school leaving the main door of the house wide open and when my wife came back from school, she found him sitting in the middle of the door like a tiger protecting the house. That day he prevented an imminent theft by his sheer alertness. My wife and daughter always felt safe when he was around. Surprisingly, despite being a Pom, he barked and growled like a pitbull.

Except on two rare occasions when there were deaths in the family and we were forced to travel to our hometown, we never left him alone. For all those 12 years, we never took a joy trip together lest he be left under someone else’s custody. We always disliked the idea of leaving him in a kennel even for a few days because of the inhuman conditions the dogs were kept in. There are innumerable sweet memories of Shaggy, which we cherish and treasure in our hearts, but that would be out of scope of this write-up.

Then his testicles started descending. He started showing all possible signs of maturing. But, we had absolutely no clue of all those or maybe we did not pay any due attention to his natural bestial desires. Finally, he could not contain himself and one day when incidentally the main gate was left slightly open, he suddenly ran away chasing a female dog and in the blink of an eye, he just disappeared.

After an absolutely maddening and desperate 5- to 6-hour search operation, we lost all hopes and were almost crying with thousands of unpleasant thoughts drilling our minds. His safety was our first and foremost concern. Then suddenly a young boy from the neighbourhood informed us where he had just seen Shaggy. We rushed. He was discovered. Thank God! He was safe and sound. We always knew it was a dog-eat-dog world, and naturally during mating seasons, all the street dogs become too aggressive. Definitely, Shaggy stood no chance before them.

After his safe recovery, my fear and frustration abruptly burst into anger. Out of severe desperation, I just threw a wooden plank at him, which hit him on his back. He started crying in pain and was not able to walk straight. I immediately realized my mistake. “Oh God! What the hell did I do?” Here was a human being who behaved like a bloody beast with just an innocent animal! I immediately embraced him, patted him with love and care, and felt and said sorry a thousand times. Of course, he was treated medically too and had become all right.

Actually, this is to do some honest confessions of my sins, which I committed towards him and for which I truly repent whenever I stand in front of his photo frame and try to look into his eyes. Those sweet and innocent eyes do pose a tough question for me.

“Why did you not let me ever mate during my adulthood?”

Truly speaking, I have no right answer for this because whatever excuses I give would definitely fall way short of any logical reasoning. So, instead of trying to foolishly justify myself, I rather regret and would most humbly beg for forgiveness. Had we not done this stupidity, we would have at least seen his awesome offspring.

It has been more than a year and a half since we lost him. Many times, we think of having another pet like him, but now we know how painful emotional agony you go through when you lose a pet like him, so we have unanimously decided never to have another one. We all know that science of human life is complicated, but believe me, the science of animal life is not even a bit less complicated. You really need to have the right knowledge, pure intentions, sufficient time, and a really big loving and caring heart to have them; otherwise, kindly just do not venture on this route and turn yourself into an inhuman. Now, we just feed a white street dog that often comes in front of our gate, of course, making sure of not letting him be totally dependent on us. That is it!