Is Billi Allen an Adult or a Kid?
By: Becca Carey
Tags: Life Lessons, Friendship, Birthday, Happiness, Best Friend

This is Billi.

Billi is 25 today.

Billi loves chocolate soya milk, colouring and long walks on the beach…

This is not a dating profile. This is an investigation to this long perplexing question. Is Billi Allen an adult or a kid? I have gathered evidence over my four years of knowing, partying, living and surviving with her to attempt to answer this very dilemma. Enjoy my research, and decide for yourselves.

Why Billi Allen Is Not An Adult

Billi’s go-to drink is Ribena, preferably from a carton with a straw which she drinks without shame or remorse She played tennis once but now fitness is her passion. Settle down hun x She names inaminate objects like Gloria the dinosaur mug and Gary the orchid ( for the life of my can’t remember our chilli plant’s name, may he rest in peace ) She gangsta raps in the car like she’s not a 25 year old white woman who likes to knit She insists that “24 is not mid 20s” when in fact, we both know that it is She has an unhealthy relationship with glitter and all that sparkles The question: “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” is followed by nervous laughter Anytime she sees a play park , she disappears like she’s six Any excuse to colour and she’s there She can’t help but laugh at the most inconvenient moments- don’t take my word for it — just ask Imogen She unapolegetically makes living room forts with me when we’re binge watching a show Kids gravitate towards her, because she is, in fact, one She can’t sit still, she’s always on the go- away for bike rides or book shop browsing. She can’t bare to be inside longer than a morning To my knowledge, She is yet to say “in my day” She loves a drunken adventure ( and we’ll have plenty once normality returns ) At the next house party she goes to, I have no doubt that she will continue our long tradition of teepeeing the bathroom I have to talk her down from getting a dog at least once every six months ( she’s getting better at least ) Baked beans is a staple in the flat She pairs mayonnaise with absolutely everything, especially things that really don’t go with mayonnaise She loves a chance to dance wildly with her gals She blasts Lizzo in the flat when she’s putting on her make -up It takes more self-control that it should not to jump on hotel beds She can’t help but try on all the hats in a clothes shop Every outing is an opportunity to dress up and Halloween is the queen of all events She puts a billion sugars in her tea with two tea bags in the most illogical tea stewing process of all time

So, there you have it. 25 reasons that Billi Allen is still a child but as you may have noticed, Billi is no longer classed as a child. She can buy alcohol, vote and sign up for the army and everything. Despite the list above you, she is a legal adult in the eyes of the law. Don’t think about it too closely, you’ll get a headache. On the flip side, she is getting older. And in some way or another, she has always been old. An old soul trapped in a 20-something body who won’t shy away from a good food fight.

I know, Bill, that the idea of being a fully fledged adult is a scary one but I’m here to tell you that you are more than ready for the challenge. You have been for a while. You need only look at the following list: “25 reasons Why Billi Allen Is Older Than She Thinks” to see that we were always heading for this day.

25 Reasons Why Billi Allen is older than she thinks

Her knee is always playing up because of her misspent youth She doesn’t know many songs in the top ten but to be fair to her Corona’s stopped her from club hopping Her hangovers last two days instead of a morning and they’re no longer cured by bacon and a cup of tea She doesn’t get ID’d as much as she’d like Everyone in DUSA looks about 12 She is responsible and knows her alcohol limit — none. She never goes out without her coat but that’s Glasgow for you She repeatedly make cups of tea and forgets about them and will do so until she dies National Trust houses are her sign of a banging weekend She regularly thinks, “maybe I’ll drive instead of drink” A late club night is 1am She’s a Radio 2 / Radio 4 regular ( except from Greg, love you x) Tiktok is just a Kesha song and anything else makes her cringe People her age are getting married and pregnant… on purpose??? Her dad joke game is growing more extreme by the day She’s in denial because 25 honey is your mid-20s She relates to everything that comes out of Maggie Smith’s mouth She put her photos in a photobook ( and yes I know I bought you these photos but Buzzfeed told me that that makes you old okay, don’t hate the messenger) The flat is no longer exclusively stocked with ramen and tea bags She kicks people out of her own party because she wants to go to bed Antiques Roadshow…need I say more?? She proudly doesn’t wear heels out anymore, comfort over style any day She doesn’t just leave the keys under the mat anymore and hope no one breaks in oops She’s got to have her morning granola She just cried at Strictly, unprovoked.

Happy birthday my lovely. It’s been a hard year, testing both the most childish and adult parts of you. But throughout, you have remained an unwavering enigma- a unqiue blend of a an innocent child desperate to colour and a frustrated old lady gasping for a cup of tea. So, I guess it doesn’t really matter if you’re an adult or a kid because you’re a kick ass qualified lawyer, social worker, equalities officer, public policy nerd, coffee addict, ribena enthusiast and one of the most passionate people I have ever known. And the person I am so proud to call my best friend.

Love you always,

Becca x