Transformation
By: Patricia Anne
Tags: Spirituality, Healing, Manifestation, Spiritual Growth, Healing From Trauma

(image credit. North Pond, Cedar Creek, 2020. Bruce W. Strong, Jr., photographer)

I loved the Little House series when I was a little girl. I never wanted it to end so I read the last book of the series, These Happy Golden Years, many, many times. One of the earlier books is called On the Banks of Plum Creek. Comforting scenes of that much loved book are available to me on recall at any time. Comforting scenes from all the meaningful books I have read are available to me like this. When we moved to our new old home on Cedar Creek, I started thinking about it as On the Banks of Cedar Creek. This makes me happy to do. It attaches my thoughts about Cedar Creek to some of my most pleasant childhood hours spent with the Ingalls family as they carved out their existence on the wild frontier. During my illness I read Caroline Fraser’s Laura Ingalls Wilder biography Prairie Fires, or most of it. It is a beautiful, engaging book but it was hard for me to learn that my beloved family was quite dysfunctional. Laura Ingalls Wilder was not a very nice woman and she was a troubled mother. Her father Charles was a ne’er do well as my mother would say. Her mother Caroline came across as ineffectual and weak. They suffered enormous hardship as a family and much of this was brought on by the poor decision making of her father, over and over. I did not like this. It caused me cognitive dissonance. I had to stop reading. I felt guilty about this because it is an excellent and important book. But I didn’t want my memories to be ruined. Unfortunately it was too late. My memories are ruined. I am learning to deal with it.

So we live on the banks of Cedar Creek. It sounds grand but it is an ordinary rural neighborhood. Most of our neighbors have about ten acres of land, like us, and the homes are modest. We live among several small bodies of water which are man made ponds created by the damming of Cedar Creek, a tributary that runs geographically perpendicular. Our home and property was owned by a man named Erv, who lost his wife to cancer and then lived here alone for many years. I researched some to learn about Erv because I now live in his beautiful house and he is still here, everywhere. I read his obituary and his wife Judie’s obituary too. She seemed to have also been a wonderful, well loved person. Erv was a loving steward of the house and property. He was a curmudgeon and a gardener and a bird watcher. He built wooden bluebird boxes obsessively and placed them all around the property and neighborhood. All the neighbors talk about him when we meet. He died in the shop behind the garage, where he was discovered by our neighbor who came to check on him. We feel we know Erv pretty well and we are fond of him. Both my husband and I talk about him regularly as we make improvements here. We believe Erv would approve of what we are doing but I feel that some of our neighbors resent that we are not Erv. I get that too. We had to take down several of Erv’s beautiful trees because they were a danger to the house. It was sad to have to do this. I think this hurt the neighbors energetically. I explained to them but they still appeared bitter. These feelings are all quite normal. I am just extremely sensitive about energy.

I sometimes call my husband Erv now and he likes this. When Erv died, his children sold Cedar Creek to us. We are very fortunate to have gotten it. It has been a miracle to us after the years of my illness. We’ve only lived here about nine months now. We are doing what we can afford to do to renovate the land and house. We have to do most of the work ourselves because we cannot afford to pay contractors. We got some help taking down the trees and for a small kitchen remodel, but my husband and I are doing what we can as we can. He takes the outside and I take the inside. It is okay because we enjoy working hard. There is little we would rather do other than enjoy our Cedar Creek property, the projects and our animals. My husband is expanding his bee operation and I collect chickens and hunt for mushrooms. We take Colleen and Rumi and Caroline’s cat Quinn for many walks on the property trail through the woods. We call this our own little Homeward Bound. Quinn walks too but always behind and like she doesn’t care. We hope to expand our animal husbandry as we can afford.

The house at Cedar Creek is solid. It’s not really that old, but it has an old feel and the construction is like the good old days when people cared to build things of beauty that lasted. My heart is continually broken by the shit being built as homes today. I think these builders have no concept of responsibility to a future or any sense of harmony with nature or of beauty. Before we left our other neighborhood, we were being encroached on all sides by this kind of building creep. The neighborhoods were going up and I felt suffocated. Some of the houses were so close together that you could touch them if you stretched your arms out between them. The houses themselves were often attractive and nice inside but who can live like that right on top of one another? It isn’t natural. Cities are made for that not neighborhoods. If people want to live on top of one another in the city then they should do that. I think there is a time and place for it, especially for young people finding their way in the world. But we shouldn’t be building homes on top of one another because humans need space to be with nature. It is an energetic necessity, not just a pretty idea. The land and the flora and fauna nurture us energetically. There is an important energetic exchange that provides us with a kind of energy nutrition. That’s why we all feel so improved by a vacation at the beach or in the mountains. It is restorative. We need that everyday not just on holiday. This is imperative to our health.

Cedar Creek came to us as I was entering the final leg of my healing journey. I was still sick off and on the first six months we were here, but I made a commitment to walking every day no matter what and I did that. I started walking about two miles a day, up and down our neighborhood road and through the trails on our property. After about three months, I started walking twice a day whenever I could. Over time, I developed a practice of using my walks for reflection and prayer. At first I had invited a couple other women in my neighborhood to join me on my walks from time to time because I knew making friends was important for my healing. But then I realized I needed to be alone to do my prayer work. This made me feel bad because I think the women I befriended think I didn’t enjoy their company which is not true. I tried to explain but you know how that goes.

My prayer sessions became a defining feature of my walk. I began to talk to myself out loud, rehearsing positive affirmations over and over as they came to me. I started feeling a lot better doing this and I felt connected to my inner guidance. This was helping me a lot and motivated me to do this out loud prayer work more and more rigorously. Occasionally I would become emotional on my walks as I repeated my affirmations. I would cry hard and sometimes I would vocalize more. Sometimes my neighbors would see me do this as they drove or walked by me. Not often, though. I’m like the guy with the weed wacker who stops wacking the weeds until you go by. This is just courteous. Our neighborhood is sleepy and quiet so my walks are mostly completely private. But sometimes this would happen. I decided not to worry about it. I wasn’t going to restrain myself because I was embarrassed. I knew this was healing me.

After about six months of this, I came to realize that I was fully well. It was hard at first to accept this and scary because I fear unwellness the most, a lot more than dying. I was nervous to stop treating with bee stings but I did. It was a big deal to stop. I had been stinging myself with bees at least thirty times a week for two years. Most sting sessions were ten bee stings at a time along my spine because the venom is delivered through the central nervous system. I have scars from this but I don’t care. I like to say why should I care about what’s behind me? I have been fully well now for four months. Cedar Creek is my healing house, as my neighbor said to me just the other day when I told her a little bit about this story for the first time. She called to tell me that our puppy Rumi was roaming too far.

Now reader, after that Cedar Creek interlude, we need to return to our task. We’ve spent so much time in the past that I hoped it would be helpful to know more about my life now. I do feel it helps as a matter of orientation and perspective. So I am going to take up the topic of my grandmother again. I told you that my grandmother was not a well woman and a key focus of my grandmother’s energetic unwellness was the fact that she had been adopted. Her adoption loomed large for her. It was a specter of separation that colored her perspective of the world and her interactions with others, my mother in particular. When my mother was young, my grandmother would say to her, “You know who your father is. Aren’t you lucky for that? I never knew my father because I am a bastard child. A bastard child is a child nobody wants.” Of course my mother had no reply for this. It wasn’t her fault that she knew who her father was, yet my grandmother delivered these words with venom and menace in a threatening way that was energetically hurtful to my mother.

When we are hurt energetically in the kinds of ways my mother was hurt, our mind provides a protective amnesia so that we can function in the world. This protective amnesia serves a purpose but it also creates a system whereby we are not operating in a way that is true to our lived reality. Even though we do not have conscious memories of the experiences due to the protective amnesia, our subconscious knows all about it and continues to make decisions and to act from the position of the energetic dysfunction. This is because the subconscious mind is vastly more powerful and large than our conscious mind. This is a point people need to grapple with.

The subconscious mind makes up over 95% of who we are and determines our thoughts, beliefs, desires, attitudes and actions 95% of the time. Because it is both involuntary and neutral, the subconscious mind does not always operate in our best interests. However, the 5% that is the conscious mind believes that it is in charge. It is not. It is merely the public self-presentation of the powerhouse that is the subconscious.

As for my mother, her early years of emotional pain took hold in her subconscious mind and became the determinant for future dysfunctional behaviors beyond her conscious control. Yet my mother was also a good mother in many ways. I knew she loved me, for instance. I have never doubted my mother’s love for me or any of we children. It is an intense and deeply felt love. She communicates this and always has. She worries over us and over the events of our lives. I am not going to suggest that the other things I share are inconsequential because of course they are not, but these other things are matters of the subconscious mind. What I mean is that the subconscious mind is the storehouse of these things, not the conscious mind. Yet my subconscious mind knows all about me and my subconscious mind dictates my thoughts, feelings, desires, attitudes, and behaviors. If we want to heal ourselves, we have to access our subconscious minds.

What I want to emphasize again and explore further is that the subconscious mind is a neutral driver. The subconscious mind is unreflective and dispassionate. The cognitive state of reflection and discernment is the territory of the conscious mind. Indeed, it is a primary role of the conscious mind to filter the information and impulses coming from the subconscious mind. Think of the conscious mind as a gatekeeper. The conscious mind has the power and authority to challenge that which comes up unbidden from the subconscious. This is a primary job for the conscious mind, in addition to providing you with a personality and a face for your daily interactions in life and relationship.

We need to better understand the subconscious because it is the storehouse for all of our beliefs about ourselves, developed over many years, and many of these beliefs are limiting and detrimental to our personhood and our health. We all have limiting beliefs. If we can target them for release and replace them with generative, healthy, positive beliefs about ourselves and the world, we can change the way we live in our bodies, the way we interact with others, and our manner of being in the world. This is what I have experienced in my own transformation.

The subconscious mind contains the complex tapestry of ourselves from birth to the present moment. It is all there. While this is in some ways beyond the parameters of this book, I want to share that the subconscious mind exists outside of our physical body. We each have a consciousness field that is an aspect of pure energetic space. Maybe, if I am gifted with a readership for my book on healing, I will write more about what I have come to understand about this extra-dimensionality where all of our consciousnesses reside. For now, it is sufficient to understand that the subconscious mind is a neutral driver, storing everything there is to know about us, and that it controls 95% of our thoughts, feelings, desires, attitudes, and behaviors.

I would like to take the time to explore the subconscious mind, the consciousness field, and the releasing of limiting beliefs in more detail. To do this, I am going to take you through powerful moments of intuition and learning on my healing journey. In 2020, following a transformation in my life, I was prompted to explore a therapeutic process known as Psych-K. The story of my arrival to Psych-K is a testament to the power of the Universe in guiding us towards both our healing and our highest selves. I am still in awe over the events as they transpired for me between April 24 and May 26, 2020. I will briefly recount this for you now.

The story really begins back in October of 2019. It was in this month that I was prompted to purchase a book after I read a quote from it on one of my online healing groups. The book was Sol Luckman’s Potentiate Your DNA and in it he addresses healing from the position of, as he calls it, “conscious personal mastery.” In Potentiate Your DNA, Luckman writes that he sees healing as “wholing” in the sense that it brings us back to our whole selves. He writes, “I like to call healing wholing. And I regularly remind people that this process typically has a way of ushering us through darkness on our way to light” (34). I later learned that the original poster of the quote had not read Luckman’s work or participated in the potentiation process he so generously offers in the book. But I suppose the message was ultimately for me, and I got it, and I immediately purchased the book and read it in nearly one sitting — it was so transformative to me — and I committed to learning the process for healing he outlines.

This was no small undertaking, and it catapulted me into a new healing orbit — the orbit of energy medicine and the quantum consciousness field. It was a whole new way for understanding my body, my mind, my consciousness, my world, and my own conscious healing, which is also the title of Luckman’s first theoretical book on this topic. Potentiate Your DNA is the practical guide based on the theories presented in Conscious Healing. Both books are transcendentally wonderful and I am alive and thriving because of them. My debt of gratitude is enormous.

Luckman’s process as outlined in the book strains credulity. I didn’t care. In my healing journey, I was willing to investigate and move forward on any number of healing modalities if I had the intuitive felt sense that it was the right thing to do. The vast majority of these healing modality impulses have been correct. ‘Mistakes’ I made may have been about taking too many supplements, believing that the outside agent was going to fix the inside problem. Over time, I learned to get off nearly all supplements. Now I take no supplements regularly, but for a long time I did take big doses of vitamin C to support my healing.

Luckman’s book is a challenge to traditional paradigms and the understandings that emerge from them, but I was more than willing to take the leap. Luckman outlines a process for DNA reactivation that involves the use of tuning forks — sound healing — and a complex arrangement of vowel tones — known as light codes — that are chanted in a particular repetitive patterning. It took me about a week of constant practice to memorize the vowel tones. The vowel combinations are chanted out loud as single “words,” complete and unified utterances, following a specific schematic. I won’t get into the further complications of the process, but I wanted you to understand as best you can why it took me over a week of constant practice to prepare myself for the potentiation ceremony, which is a self-administered healing ceremony that takes about forty minutes to complete. From my vantage point now, I understand the potentiation ceremony as a kind of intense prayer session and what Luckman explained about the process which was once vague and nebulous to me, which I accepted as a matter of faith in my earnest desire to heal, is now more clear, maybe even perfectly clear. I need to reread the book with my new 2021 understandings. I am sure I will be further enriched by doing this.

So I performed the potentiation ceremony on myself November 1, 2019 and went on with my life, feeling at turns equally foolish and hopeful. In the book, Luckman outlines a timeline for the DNA regeneration process that unfolds over a period of nine months. I sort of cringed at this — nine months — and the easy gesture towards rebirth that it suggests, but no matter, on I went, bold explorer at the frontiers of healing, with nothing to lose and everything to gain. However, within a matter of a couple months, I began to notice healing events and physical changes that corresponded to the healing timeline. This got my attention. Still, these ‘results’ were subtle and easy to dismiss. It was the critical fifth month mark that really got my attention and focus. The fifth month completes the first regeneration cycle and ushers in the foundational ‘wholing.’ It’s more complicated and specific than that, but for our purposes here, this is how I am going to say it.

Something powerful began to happen to me in that fifth month, April 2020, something transformative in my consciousness. I felt as if an entirely new and commodious room had opened in my mind and I was thinking and feeling things on a whole new level. Toward the middle of this month, I was prompted to purchase one of Luckman’s seminal sources in Potentiate Your DNA. This is Bruce Lipton’s amazing gift to us, The Biology of Belief. This was the perfect book for me because it grounded abstract notions of spirituality and consciousness in the physical reality of the body. Lipton is a cell biologist by training, and he uses his knowledge of cell biology to explain how we are all receivers of spiritual guidance and information and how, in fact, our consciousness and our very persons — our personality, our thoughts, feelings, desires, attitudes, and behaviors — are delivered to us from the consciousness field into the cells of our body. In an analogy that worked for me, Lipton suggests that our bodies and brains are like TVs, which receive invisible signals and display the results on the screen. By the time I finished the book, I was in tears. It was so profoundly moving to me that I lay on my back in my bed and wept for a long time. After that, I struggled with what to do with my new and powerful understanding. I needed to communicate it to my husband, but how? It is challenging for me to get his attention on such matters in conversation. So I decided to write it out for him. I will share this with you now. I make no edits.

April 24, 2020

Because I always do better when I can write it, here are some of the things I have come to understand at this point in the journey. Maybe you can try to see it in a fresh way if my words sound trite — words like “you have a spirit that lives in you that is connected to the Divine — “. I know this is NOT a new idea, obviously (it is as old as religion), but the way I have come to experience it and understand it is completely new to me. In the book The Biology of Belief, for example, Bruce Lipton, who is a cell biologist, demonstrates how the membranes on every cell in our bodies contain a receptor antenna that is downloading the YOU that is you from the master energy field of the Universe. YOU are not your body and brain — you are being broadcast into your body from the Universe. This is not wishful or fanciful thinking. This is what Consciousness Science and mechanics of Quantum Energy tell us. Your energy broadcast is unique to you, but it is also part of the collective energy of the Universe.

This is where the bees and the beehives have been so instructive to me. We see this modeled every day in our backyard. Beehive life has opened up this new understanding to me. You see it everyday in the comings and goings of the bees as they are so evidently following the broadcasts of their unique energy spheres. And so are you. YOU are not your brain and body — your brain and body are merely your tools of operation. What this also means is that in every moment of your life, you are continually and always connected to Universal collective energy which can teach you, guide you and direct you and, ultimately, it can comfort you and provide your life in this reality with understanding and purpose. It can open up profound knowing, vast vistas of unconditional love, remove fear and relieve the anxieties of self — if you let it.

So you have a spirit that lives in you that is connected to the Divine — the Universal Energy Source. This is not at all unique or special –every human being has this connection to the Divine Energy Source. But starting when we are very young, we become increasingly distanced and separated from this Source. Some of this separation is necessary so that we can participate in this reality. However, for most of us, the separation becomes an interference between our “little self” — lower case “s” which is the ego in this reality — and our higher Self — which is the connection we have to the Divine that can provide us with self-love, guidance, and a ‘knowingness’ that is absolutely personal and private — hard to share with others — and enormously freeing. The greater our connection to this higher Self Source, the more conscious and aware we become. Many of us experience degrees of this in an unknowing way through our intuition or our “gut sense” — but we are vastly underserved by stopping at this unconscious, unintentional level. Understanding our intuition as Divine Guidance and cultivating our understanding of this relationship allows us to see and feel the benevolent hand of the Universe operating in our lives.

When we learn to “get out of our own way” and seek dialogue with our Divine Source Energy, we begin to see right action happen in our lives. This creates a momentum of right action provided we continue to stay out of our own way. That’s not easy. I can point to at least three instances in my life when Divine Guidance tried its best to redirect me — all of these related to my drinking behaviors and stints in AA. But even when the redirection lasted years, I fell back into old patterns because I wasn’t at a level of consciousness that opened this understanding to me in an intentional, physical way. (By this I mean I feel my new understanding in my body as a physical thing — it is not merely intellectual — but that’s where I can’t explain any further). Before this shift, I could not get out of my own way. I now understand my illness — and the confrontation I had with the desire for death as a release for agonizing months on end — was the way that the Universe was forced to deal with the stubbornness that is ME! As they say in AA — there is no “easier or softer way,” at least for me. I could have chosen not to hear this call … again. That would have been my free will. I have the free will to ignore the call, but I believe I would have then died– by my own hand or by some accident or, conversely, an intense level of physical and mental suffering would have been my fate for the rest of my life. I am glad I was knocked to my knees. I think about my brother here and what I wrote and spoke at his funeral — about how his death was a sign that he wasn’t going to get better and it was too painful for him (as a sensitive and dear person) to continue to live in such a conflict with himself. That’s where I was too. Exactly. Why? This also suggests the truth of ancestral patterns (discussed below) because there was nothing about my person or my life to suggest that I was meant to be an alcoholic — quite the opposite. Makes you think at the very least.

Staying out of our own way means confronting and challenging our egos and the shit-pile of limiting beliefs we have collected about ourselves and have stored in our subconscious over the course of our lives. Depending on our life experiences and who we are bio-energetically, our shit-pile of limitations will vary considerably. Scholars in this area of Consciousness Science demonstrate that we also inherit limitations as an ancestral DNA profile (which explains a lot), and this means that we have an operating system in our subconscious that can be not of our own making (ancestral patterns) but can debilitate us and impact our life and experiences profoundly. (This helps explain to me some of the behavioral things we see in adoptive families too).

Further, the limitations we are discussing here — the limiting belief systems — are run as program tapes through your subconscious, leaving you consciously unaware of them. In fact, to your conscious mind, you may feel you are ‘dealing with your shit –overcoming your limitations — and you may have no conscious recognition of the beliefs that are weighing you down. The limiting beliefs are still there. Don’t fight this! That is the ego fighting and being resistant to the need for change. I know all about it. With some introspection, I bet you are easily able to identify life experiences that were difficult or traumatic — or formative in that negative way. You would be able to recall the injuries (we all have them) that resulted in fear, or shame, guilt insecurity — whatever — all the little and big things that happened to YOU that created the profile that is YOU. You may say, yes, these things happened but so what? Shit happens. I overcame it. I accepted it. I managed it. I moved on. And indeed you did do all of these things. All of these things are true for your conscious mind, but your subconscious (95% of your psyche) holds on to these experiences and feelings and daily recreates your experiences for you through all the ways you feel about and interact with various aspects of your life.

Understanding the truth and power of all this allowed me to accept that the “but I got over it” mentality was in error. For most of my adult life, I have rejected the suggestions that I was actively holding on to the shitty things that happened to me, or the ways I was injured or invalidated as a child and young adult. There’s another part of me that says — “these kinds of things happen all the time and my job is to get over it, not to dwell on it,” and so on and so on and so on. Understanding these things as subconscious tapes of limitations that were hurting me on many levels allowed me to take action and start dismantling literally hundreds of limiting beliefs that were negatively impacting my life and putting a stranglehold on my health, happiness, and the full realization of my self and my life’s purpose. It sounds pretty grand, I know, but it is grand. The knowledge I have gained and the techniques I have learned have been a liberation (the effectiveness speaks for itself) and I continue to learn volumes through my reading and my energy practice.

At the end of Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton introduces the healing modality Psych-K as a means of putting his principles in action and beginning the process of releasing the constraints of limiting beliefs in order to transform your life. He introduces Psych-K founder Robert Thomas and briefly outlines how the process works and provides resources so that readers can follow up. Psych-K offers worldwide training on the therapeutic principles. Well, at that transformative moment, I made an uncharacteristic decision. I said to myself I do not care where in the world I have to travel or how much money I have to spend, I am going to go to a Psych-K workshop and I am going to transform my life by living these principles. So I went to the Psych-K website and began to scroll through the worldwide offerings. To my great astonishment I quickly located a workshop being offered ten miles from my home in three weeks’ time. I could not believe it. I was stunned. I immediately emailed the practitioner, Myra Lovvorn, and she contacted me within the hour. I signed up for the workshop and Myra agreed to come to my house the next week to assist me in beginning the Psych-K process. I was in a period of agitation and emotional crisis at the time and therefore communicated to her that I felt great urgency in starting the process. We had several important and productive sessions prior to the workshop as I began to learn to apply the principles of Psych-K.

The four days I spent with Myra and her facilitators and the other half dozen or so participants at the workshop were phenomenal and overwhelming (in a good way) for me. I learned a vast amount of important information about the subconscious mind, released a shit-ton of trauma, and made authentic and meaningful connections with the people there. It was a liberation. I had not been involved in a public event or around other people outside my family for nearly four years.

On the last day of the formal workshop, we each set our intentions for one current goal. Everyone went around and shared what they envisioned and wanted for themselves and Myra wrote these on the white board. When it came to be my turn, I talked about how I wanted a new home. We had lived in our home in Mechanicsville, Virginia for nearly 18 years. We had raised our girls there and it had been a good home to us, but I had felt for a number of years that it no longer suited me or Wood and the way we wanted to live in relation to the world and our personal environment. We wanted property, above all, in order to explore our relationship with animals and nature. Our scofflaw backyard chickens and bees in particular had us out of compliance with our neighborhood homeowners’ association and this was looming large and negatively for us. We wanted property to expand our operations and live in peace to do what we pleased in this regard.

For me personally, I felt our home in Mechanicsville no longer fit how I saw myself aesthetically or artistically. It did not match me and I had spent nearly four years disabled there and therefore contained by it and prostrated to it. I was ready for release. I felt release would never come and that we did not have the financial means to move. So, of course, I didn’t share all that with the group, but I stated my intention to find a home that was suited to our current life goals. The day was spent focusing exclusively on these goals we set for ourselves. This was on May 25, 2020. The house at Cedar Creek was delivered to us within two weeks. We put the first and only considered contract on our Cedar Creek home on June 10, 2020. The home was a hot item, with four bids on its first day on the market and we got it. For reasons never fully understood but greatly appreciated, the owners committed immediately to working only with us, despite having more lucrative offers. That is a miracle of the Universe. That is what can happen when your intentions are aligned with your higher purpose.