Is There A Risk You Will Overspend During Christmas?
By: Niclas Janelöv
Tags: Shopping, Personal Development, Parenting, Christmas

The reason why might be another one than you think.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaev on Unsplash

I love Christmas, and I’m one of them who usually overspend on gifts.

This year I started asking myself why I do it. It seems I’m not the only one.

Nearly half of Americans have felt pressured to overspend during the holidays, according to a survey from Bankratefound.

When I visited a store with fabulous Christmas decorations and beautiful Christmas songs, my urge to buy things went through the roof. And when I saw some other stores that seemed to have forgotten Christmas and didn’t have any decorations at all, the interest in buying went away.

According to the survey, of the people who feel they need to overspend during Christmas, parents are the ones who do it the most. Our family has four kids in the age of 20, 9,7, and 4, so we are definitely in the hazard zone.

I asked our nine and 7-year-old, both boys, what they wished for, and the answer was no surprise. They both want the latest phones.

To make them happy about their presents, I would have to overspend.

But does this mean it’s their fault? Or is it our fault who probably spoiled them with gifts earlier? Is there anything wrong with saying I can’t afford to give you these presents?

“Kids, tell us what you wish for Christmas.”

-” Don’t bother, dad. We can’t afford it anyway.”

There’s nothing wrong with saying no to your kids. I noticed that it seems to work better when they get a couple of nos before they get a yes. Then they appreciate it so much more when you finally give them something.

But, what I don’t want my kids to do is to stop dreaming and wishing. I like their wishes. Our wishes and dreams are what make our lives magic.

I don’t want them to create a wish list that is a “what my family can afford to give me — list” where all their real dreams have been edited and changed.

When I work as a consultant and advise on becoming more creative, one of the most significant issues seems to be that we tend to stop dreaming and wishing when we get older.

Many times in my life have I noticed how often the impossible went real as long as I kept dreaming.

So maybe this is the reason why parents overspend? We don’t want to steal our kids from their hopes and dreams. And especially not during Christmas.

When you are the only one who can fulfill the dream of someone you love, then you got some pressure.

At the same time, we already suffer from adverse effects from too much TV, computer games, and Playstation. When our kids have started playing, it’s difficult for them to keep it on a suitable level. And when you as a parent shall be the one to turn it off. The conflicts will always be present.

When I was a kid, Christmas was a wonderful holiday. I remember walking around longing for the Christmas day every day during December.

I want to keep on with the same joyful Christmas forever and to let our kids share the same wonder as we did. But one thing that has changed since then is that we also used to wish for gifts that weren’t that expensive.

I started to read comics even before I could read. And since I was seven, I used to read everything I could get my hands on as long as it was comics. Books and comics used to be a natural part of my wish lists for Christmas. And music too.

Our kids want to spend all their indoor time in front of the computer. Gadgets are the only thing they want, except for cool clothing.

Humans are highly social. The primary reason we overspend during Christmas seems to be our own need to fit in and be loved. Parents are supposed to buy gifts for Christmas. We have been taught that only kids who are on Santa’s naughty list will not receive gifts. Add to this our difficulties in keeping a budget and following it and the possibilities to buy on credit and we get in serious risk. Many studies have found that we are ready to pay more if we use a credit card when we shop — 83% more, according to a survey from Valuepenguin.

Here’s some more statistics:

Budgets are so dull. Why do we always have to do the right all the time?

Can’t we be just a little spontaneous?

Yes, this is the biggest problem of them all. It feels good to shop. And often, we look for excuses to do it. We get a high doing shopping. Shopping can be an excellent way to escape reality for a while and to get some excitement in our lives. Science has found out that we can feel better when we shop. They even have a name for it, “retail therapy.” According to a survey from Clicktale, 40% of shoppers use shopping to calm down. What happens is that shopping makes us feel more in control. If we have a low mood, that mood often comes with a feeling of not being in control. And then shopping is a great way to get us a sense of control back. But it can be an expensive and unnecessary way.

The good news is that we can get the same pleasant feeling of control by deciding not to buy.

Summary

If you believe you will overspend this Christmas, the problem is most certainly not a money problem. Or a lack of money or credit.

We mostly shop to fit in, be loved, or to get some excitement in our lives during Christmas. We may say that we want to see our loved ones happy, but is it right? Of course we want to see the people we love to be satisfied, but there are so many other ways to express our love than shopping that will give us a better result.

Our kids, most of all, want our attention and time.

Generally, we shop to get a feeling of being in control. But you can get this feeling in other ways too.

One of the best I know of is to minimize our judging in our lives. Every time we give circumstances the credit for our negative feelings, we become more and more victims in our lives. Some spiritual masters even dare to say that we have the power over everything in our lives. I’m not there yet to see it myself, but I believe they do have a point. Something I found useful is, when I experience something I would like to see different, I visualize what I would like to see and experience instead. Then I focus on enjoying that experience. It changes my feelings for the situation, and I feel more in control. It also makes me focus on what I can do instead of what other people don’t do. It usually works well, as long as a remember to do it.

Another obvious way to get in control is to make sure we have a household budget and that the expenses for Christmas gifts are part of it.

Remember that there will be a life also after Christmas and your kids and family will most certainly enjoy your company more if you can be present in their company. Happy and calm, knowing that you made some excellent economic decisions.

And what did we decided to do with our gifts?

We decided that our 7-year-old boy, Isaac, will have to wait some time for his phone. Even though he wants to do everything that his older brother is doing, he is too small for the responsibility.

We also decided to repair an older phone we already had to keep expenses low for our 9-year-old, Ilias.

And to balance our kids’ media time, we started to ask them to read a book or paint or do some other home activities they like before they begin to use the media. For every 30 minutes they do something else they get 60 more minutes of media. We hope that as soon as they experience, for example, the joy of reading, they will forget about time and keep on. And we have already seen some proof of this. Balance seems to be the key.