Anger: Identify the Onslaught of an Anger Episode:
By: Pamela J. Nikodem
Tags: Self Improvement, Mental Health, Meditation, Anger, Self Control

Anger: Identify the Onslaught of an Anger Episode:

…without using anger’s emotions to control you.

Have you experienced anger, the kind where you see red and before you know it, you have screamed something irrational at your partner, the driver in front of you, or at the ref’s who called a bad foul in a playoff game? If you said no to any of those, you can skip the rest of the article. You got this and I want to know more of your species…

Anger is a warning signal telling you something is wrong.

It does not mean it is accurate, however, it is a signal. Listening in to the body’s reactions to feelings helps to guide you into awareness.

Anger isn’t something we need to destroy or remove entirely out of our life.

Anger serves a purpose, when rightly pointed in a healthy direction. Tell that to Uncle Joe who just broke the fifth television set after his team lost: probably will fall on deaf ears for the first few minutes to an hour after the event.

Anger comes with a price tag.

It alienates family and friends, destroys employers and employee relationships, and it ruins lives of strangers every single day. From the availability to grab a gun to shoot down the agency which fired you, the boyfriend who cheated, or the dog who bit the neighbor’s hand, we find easy access to explode our anger on someone else.

Rage hits and we lose our sense of self, reason, and respect.

We REACT!

Without apology, I’ll add another Acronym for your collection. The following acronym applies the concepts of capture the flag in a process where we can step back and check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. It does work. I practiced it last night, so I have first had knowledge you can check the body and calm it down. Here’s the lay out:

R: Red Flags

The red flags usually come to us in silent little bursts, sweaty palms, squinty eyes, tapping of the foot, a look to the side, a deep breath, and it goes on. We can add stomach churning, headaches, panic, and fear in the mix. Red flags in the body are the system’s warning alarms shooting off in a small way to give you a chance to check things out before you jump the gun (so to speak).

Monitoring how you feel as you move through your day keeps your mind abreast of any changes. Noting the changes and catching the spark when they first send off the red flag gives you control over whether or not you are going to allow the other person to dictate how you act. Yes, you read that right.

You get to control yourself and, the other person, is responsible for their behavior. Good times!

E: Ego Depletion

Ego depletion definitely creates a weakened emotional system where instant reactions come from lack of self-care and the ability to remain in control of the self. Self-control and self-regulation increase one’s ability to resist the impulse to react like a nuclear reactor and more like a peaceful warrior who thinks before they speak, each word uses the phrases which calms the other person, or oneself.

Maintaining a healthy body, healthy mental state, and taking care of oneself increases the body’s response time so you have the chance to stop yourself before spouting off at the first or the fifth annoying thing/event which shows up in your day.

Ways to increase healthy ego strengths: Exercise, eating healthy, drinking more water than coffee (speaking to myself there), and adding some healthy, bonding hobby with your partner or on your own. Something which creates a peaceful feeling inside.

A: Anger

Anger, in and of itself is useful.

Consider someone trapped in a cave. The person, if not injured, uses the anger to move mounds of rock and dirt, digging their way out and not caring about their pain. Adrenaline courses through the veins, giving them energy to do something under ordinary circumstances they would let slide.

Check what you feel, think, and say before each episode of anger you experience. These areas are part of the process of understanding where anger begins in the body. In the respect of yourself, you have the power to know what is going on in your body.

Most people are too rushed to stop and think. Slow down.

C: take Charge

Taking charge means owning your behavior and attitudes. Anger sometimes creeps up on us with the little things building, until they are overwhelming and we ignore the red flags, we forget self-care, and then we even ignore the angry feelings before they open up in a full-throttle of rage.

Taking charge grows healthy boundaries. You know your limits. It means develop an assertive and direct way of communicating what you need or want, without harshness or rudeness. It takes PRACTICE to keep the kindness in the taking charge role. Celebrate little victories and soon you’ll see yourself growing more confident and thriving since your ego-depletion becomes recharged instead of drained.

T: Time

Time-outs give us the time to redirect our feelings of anger and calm the body system down. Random time-outs limit the effectiveness of calming the body.

A good time out, as noted by Dr. Potter-Efron, (2012) “is the single more effective thing you can do when you can’t catch an anger episode early enough to short-circuit it and calm down” (p.110).

Like Dr. Potter-Efron, I work in domestic violence education programs and often I hear the resentment of the individuals who are on probation. Anger spews forth in the first few sessions. “The ‘…’ probation agent took away my ability to visit my kids until I finish the class. All they do is control.” It doesn’t matter to them about how the individual ended up on probation, it only matters what control is exerted upon them by the agents. It’s not easy to help them get passed the attitude. It takes time for them to develop a calmer approach. Once they choose to stop their attitudes, they begin to apply the steps and a reduction of anger begins to help them maneuver the process. The men gain insight and begin rebuilding their lives.

Anger builds when authority presses upon individuals.

It doesn’t matter what style it is, either positive or negative authority, we fight against it with passion. We desire our independence, however, our choices end up making the act of obedience one of forced compliance or freedom to choose.