Pandemic Parenting
By: Moulshri Joshi
Tags: Pandemic Diaries, Kids, Mommy Bloggers, Covid 19, Parenting

Isolating with kids

It’s not easy, it’s not fool-proof

Children cannot be confined to one room for days or weeks. To work towards a scenario where you will be able to create a perfect isolation setup is practically impossible.

Isolate the adults

If possible, draw up boundaries in the house imposing greater restriction on adults leaving the rest of the space for children to move around in. Include their favourite hangout places in their zone such as their play area, TV room and other frequently visited places. Keep them out of the kitchen. Depending on the vulnerability level, isolate the adults. Regardless of whether the children show symptoms or not, everyone except the primary caregiver from touching, bathing, cleaning after the children.

Speak to the child

Anyone who has cared for a sick child, would know that isolation is a useful strategy to have and not implement.

As soon as we confirmed that G was indeed running a fever, she was inconsolable. Weeks of lockdown and daily corona conversation had built up so much fear in her mind, she assumed she had Covid and would soon be moved to a hospital ‘by herself’ where she might die. This have us no time to prepare and move gradually through a difficult subject. We were suddenly faced with having to deal with not only a potential Covid infection in the family but also a wailing, petrified child. There is absolutely no way to care for a sick child without hugs and Covid or not, my husband — the designated caregiver for G — spent the next two days holding G close, nursing her with hot soups, good books and constant assurance that ‘they’ would not take her away to a hospital. But Meltdowns would need Mom. So there went the isolation protocol.

Include the sibling

The other challenge was to speak with Junior. At 3 years, he has not been spared the pandemic anxiety. Every instruction in the past months– Wash your hands! Please wear a mask! Don’t pull it off! No spitting games! No,you cannot drink from my glass! — has been laced with Corona. When G took ill, N who slept with me in another room, woke up crying in his sleep ‘…they are taking G away to the hospital!!’. He wanted to sleep with her ‘like everyday’. It was very heart-breaking for us - sleep deprived and worried sick as it is- to find that our worst fears had become literal nightmares for the children. Screw isolation! we moved right back in together into the same bed. A good night’s sleep can do more than shot of medicine.

Dealing with Covid trauma

Covid trauma is real, palpable and damaging for children. They are worried for themselves but also, as in G’s case, for the rest of the family. She imagined passing on the virus to us and to her grandparents. She constantly asked about ‘next steps’ — what symptoms to expect, when will she be fine, will there be many medicines & injections etc?

To me, it seemed that there is not much difference in the way the children and adults cope with the virus, psychologically. We had to make them equal participants while drafting strategy for the next few days. We had to keep them updated of details — what did the doctor say? Did you tell while responding to each question patiently and with honest admission that there are many things neither we nor the doctors know. That helped.

I learnt through this is that we need be mindful of this constant exposure and even unintended and well-meaning advice about Covid that we put their way without understanding fully how they will deal with it. Fear, alarm, uncertainty, grief about Covid underline a lot of our communication these days. The children are listening in and absorbing this like passive smoke and it is accumulating in their conscience leaving them feeling vulnerable. The meltdowns that we experienced as soon as one child fell sick was the release of stress that they both had collected over months.

All of us are facing existential questions including the kids. We need to create a safer space at home, sheltering them from incessant Covidspeak and curating a way to communicate the reality & our own feelings that is limited and definite without taking away from the vastness and uncertainty of the situation. Focusing on the good news such as Covid’s powerlessness over (most) children and wellbeing of our loved ones helps build confidence. G has a dear friend T in Sweden who continues to go to school and it helped for me to tell her (needs evidence!) that T continues school as usual because the adults in Sweden feel that the kids are alright.

On home isolation

There are 3 common scenarios when it comes to designing isolation within a family of children and caregivers. All these scenarios played out in parts during the course of our 6-weeks long home isolation.

i. When the child has flu-like symptoms and you don’t

Assign one dedicated caregiver for the sick child. It’s hard but try to stick to it. Isolate both to one room or zone, minimising need to step outside of it by stocking in toys, books, snacks etc and establishing a regular supply from outside. Definitely keep the children away from the elderly.

ii. When you have symptoms and the child does not

This one is easier if you are not the primary caregiver. The child can be put in charge of other adults in the house and you can isolate successfully. In our case, this was tough. N cannot do without me — he nurses several times a day (yes, i know!) and to sleep and became increasingly clingy through the lockdown. So while I tested positive, N continued to nurse and remain in contact with me. There was little chance that between G and I, he would not catch the virus.

iii. When both you and the child have symptoms

This is the easiest of the three. You do not need to isolate if you all have symptoms or have tested positive. You can co-sleep and hang out. We chose to not share food and refrain from hugs & kisses. By Week 3, N had mild symptoms too and I had tested positive. I gave in to on-demand and extended breastfeeding sessions with N (having given up tying to wean during lockdown). As with any other disease, I knew my body would produce antibodies that I could supply through milk boosting his immunity and recovery.It soothed him immensely and I enjoyed the snuggles.