Our Vulnerability is Our Strength
By: Insightful Stories With Del Adey-Jones
Tags: 3 Principles, Strength, Perfectionism, Vulnerability, Wellbeing

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”― Criss Jami

This week’s guest on my IC Show was the lovely Nicola Drew. Nicola is a psychotherapist, 3 Principles Practitioner, and author of From the Heart…. Explorations in True Nature and Unconditional Love. The book is a compilation of the musings of many of my fellow 3 Principles Teachers and Practitioners. All the proceeds of the book go to Heart Link Children’s Charity. The charity that played a pivotal role in helping Nicola and her family back in 2002, when they were faced with the news that their new-born baby needed life-saving heart surgery.

I asked Nicola how the idea of the book came to fruition. She said that she had never thought about writing a book like this. In fact, she said that it was the last thing on her mind. It was six months before her son’s eighteenth birthday when out of the blue, wisdom spoke to her. The message was loud and clear, and she couldn’t ignore it. This would be the perfect birthday gift for her son and a remarkable way to honor the charity that had helped their family all those years ago during one of the most challenging periods of their life.

Knowing that this was something bigger than her, Nicola listened to her wisdom and set to work. She tentatively reached out to several people, including Michael Neill, Mavis Karn, and Jack Pransky, to name but a few. Before she knew it, she had fifty people agreeing to participate in her project. Each of them generously contributed their reflections on our True Nature, Unconditional Love, and how the understanding of the 3 Principles had impacted their life. The result was a beautiful book that served as an inspirational tribute to her son and the Heart Link Children’s Charity.

It just so happens that Nicole had kindly asked me to write a chapter for the book, but unfortunately, my perfectionism got in the way of me getting my piece in on time. In my usual fashion, my self-critical thinking told me it wasn’t good enough, so I kept working on it until I mistakenly missed the deadline! Once the book came out, I realized the incredible opportunity I had missed to contribute to such a wonderful cause.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. I reflected on other times in my life that I had missed the boat due to my insecurities. I’m sure I’m not alone here. How many of us sit on the sidelines of life waiting until we are ‘good enough’ to be seen or heard. The irony is who decides the arbitrary definition of what it means to be ‘good enough?’ We do! We are the ones doing it to ourselves. We cannot blame anyone else for holding us back. No one comes into our house and says, “let me see what you are creating before you put it out into the world.” It’s our capricious inner-critic that wields such power over us. How many times has wisdom whispered an idea in our ear, only for us to swat it away as nonsensical or illogical? With retorts of, “Who am I to do that?” To paraphrase Marianne Williamson, “Who are we not to do that!”

I recognize that I have had a habit of editing myself out of existence before I’ve even had a chance to express myself. With my inner-critic pushing me into submission with warnings of, “You can’t say that you’ll make a fool of yourself” or “What will people think of you!” I know my Ego has only been trying to protect me, but it has outgrown its job. It’s not necessary anymore. There’s nothing to fear. I am not in mortal danger if I show up less than perfect.

Missing the deadline for Nicola’s book was the knick-up-the-arse I needed to say, “Get over yourself.” The idea that I need to be ready is a fallacy. As ‘Spiritual Beings having a human experience,’ we are not fixed entities. On the contrary, we are a work in progress. We are ever-changing and evolving, depending on the quality of our mood, levels of consciousness, and thinking in the moment. We innocently forget that we are made of pure potential.

I refuse to allow my insecurities to get in the way of me fully showing up to life. No more waiting until I’m ready- no more practice runs — no more dress rehearsals- and no more waiting for the right time. The time is now. In fact, it’s the only time we have. There is no past or future. All we have is the present moment. So, let’s get out there naked, raw, and vulnerable. Ready to be seen for the totality of who we are.

With love and appreciation, Del 💕