If it’s too good to be true then it’s frankly too good to be true
By: The Amaranthine Solstice, Paradoxical Ode
Tags: Life, Family, Mother, Family Issues

13 days more until the end of July, 2019.

I recap all things that made me emotional on these past weeks. But first of all, I would like to inform that I’m currently on ‘go with the flow and God’s scenarios’ phase. I think the ambitious and hard-headed personality is currently hiding somewhere in my soul. All things good, there was no significant conflict or failures that i faced so far. But things that still there and ain’t going nowhere is the feeling of uncertainty about what future might bring if i did this wrong or if i dont do that, why my family turns out like this, and so on.

What? did i mention my family?

Yeah, that’s correct. My family is too good to be true. All my closest friends possibly knew about it, that i always want a good, smooth, proper, generous, delicate relationship with other mother-daughter bonding, but we can’t, tho’ there might be a sligh chances but it’s rarely gonna happen.

On these past 6 months, my mom roller-coaster mood and crankiness is getting so real and intense. So, it usually go with this phase : she’s moody -> she yells at all family member (it encompass me, my father, my brothers) -> she remains silent with us & don’t even bother when i try to ask something -> she doesn’t cook or prepared any food for us, either doing the home work (i’m trying to help but she mostly shout at me and mad at me so i left it all alone) -> me, my father and brothers got superbly hungry and left not taken care of.

I don’t even know whether it sounds normal or not. The point is she went too far, even with my father, she yells or not listening to whatever my father said to her. Is this even real? we know and realize that a married women should listen, and consider on his husband said, but it comes on contrary.

hERE I AM, stand in the middle of this chaos, while also being a good listener for my father stories when he mad and tired with my mom. Man, i know, if it’s not for his daughter and sons, he has full chances to leave my mom. But look how patient he is, he’s definitely the most understanding man i ever know on earth. He mostly teach me about how sincerity and genuine self is the only key to continue the chaotic marriage.

As you see, on the other side, me as the only daughter, the first child, felt too much pressure due to this situation. I realized that the family communication didn’t occur that good. I saw one post on twitter that said, the family commuciation will settle in a good place if only all family members tend to open up with their problems, and also willing to share their life conflicts. I saw none of this on my mom. She is too cloistered. Even to my father. We never really know what was just happen to her before her chaotic moodswings. On the contrary, me and my father always share things, like everything from work to friendship and life in between.

I once ask my father, why he can stand on with all those mood-swings behaviour of my mom. He answers fascinatedly that he once think a lot about this, whether it was his mistake for letting my mom grow into this wild or there might be some problems behind it, he used to think about it everyday until he felt dizzy with this perplexity. Then at one time, he realized and left it to Allah, he only prays that someday my mom able to realize that ‘ridho suami’ is the only things matter. Even she reads qur’an, listens to religious lecture from Pak ustadz on youtube everyday, and prays more than 5 times per day, but if she doesn’t get ‘ridho suami’ then it means nothing.

He told me to not bite off more than i can chew on this case. Just let your mother do whatever she wants, he said. But there’s a voice in me that said it’s not fair and left a void filled with pressure about my mom’s behaviour, what’s wrong and what’s next. Trepidation stir into my soul. I know it’s not gonna ended in a good way if it happens time after time. I am afraid, i might caught into a mental health issue eventually, through this chaotic yet calm storms.

I hope we all will be okay in the end. Is it too good to be true? to have a warm-hearted, cheerful and supportive family like others had?

Thereupon, if it is too good to be true, then it is frankly to good to be true.