The Confrontational Approach
By: Sorin Dumitrascu
Tags: Leadership, Management, Teamwork, Conflict Resolution, Conflict Management

The Confrontational Approach

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Approaches to Conflict

Conflicts evoke instinctive responses. But once people move beyond instinct and instead allow themselves to be guided by their intellect, they can choose which approach to take when disputes arise.

There are five possible approaches. These are:

Avoidance — this is unassertive and uncooperative behavior. It involves abdicating any responsibility for the outcome of the conflict and ignoring your own interests and the interests of the other party, leaving it to fate.

— this is unassertive and uncooperative behavior. It involves abdicating any responsibility for the outcome of the conflict and ignoring your own interests and the interests of the other party, leaving it to fate. Accommodation — this is behavior that is cooperative but unassertive. If you follow this path, you will ignore your own interests in favor of the other person’s interests. But then you are surrendering, which can be frustrating in the long term.

— this is behavior that is cooperative but unassertive. If you follow this path, you will ignore your own interests in favor of the other person’s interests. But then you are surrendering, which can be frustrating in the long term. Acceptance — this approach involves nearly equal parts of assertiveness and cooperation, but cooperation is slightly higher. You sacrifice some of your own aims to reach an outcome that is minimally acceptable to you both. You lose more than you gain, but you do gain.

— this approach involves nearly equal parts of assertiveness and cooperation, but cooperation is slightly higher. You sacrifice some of your own aims to reach an outcome that is minimally acceptable to you both. You lose more than you gain, but you do gain. Collaboration — this approach is equal in terms of cooperation and assertiveness, and you attempt to maximize the gains of both parties. It is different from acceptance, which involves a minimal solution. Using the collaboration approach, you try to find the best result for all.

— this approach is equal in terms of cooperation and assertiveness, and you attempt to maximize the gains of both parties. It is different from acceptance, which involves a minimal solution. Using the collaboration approach, you try to find the best result for all. Competition — this approach is the triumph of assertiveness over cooperation. At the extreme end of this spectrum, the desire to achieve your goal can make you ruthless and inconsiderate. You make no attempt to find any form of joint solution.

It is important to be aware of the different approaches people may take to a conflict. It is also, of course, important to know when it is appropriate for you to use each approach.

Avoidance

Use an avoidance approach when there is no need for an immediate decision and when more information is required to make the decision. Avoidance is useful when emotions are running too high and a more competitive approach would result in loss for all.

Accommodation

Accommodation is a suitable approach when you are in the wrong, and when the impact upon the other party is more important than the impact upon you.

Acceptance

Use an acceptance approach when the parties involved are equal and a stalemate is likely. This approach works well when a temporary settlement is needed and collaboration and competition would not work.

Collaboration

Use a collaborative approach when you need to gain the commitment of the other party. Collaboration works well when the feelings and emotions of all parties need to be explored and you have plenty of time.

Competition

Use competition when speed is crucial or when the other party would take advantage of the situation if you did not compete. Competition is the best approach when the decision is vital to your survival.

Now that you are familiar with the different possible approaches to conflict, you have a wide range of conflict responses to choose from. They will help you to ensure that your calm intellect triumphs over your instincts, making it easier to deal with difficult disputes.

Resolving Conflict through Confrontation

Confrontation is a balanced response to a conflict. It lies between the two extreme responses, which are avoidance and competition.

Drawbacks of avoidance and competition

Although avoiding conflict or competing ruthlessly to win seem like sensible options, they are both problematic.

If you avoid conflict, you are only stockpiling trouble. Similarly, being aggressively competitive and losing your temper may enable you to overwhelm your colleagues in the short term, but in the end they will look for revenge.

Benefit of confrontation

On the other hand, an approach based on confrontation, does not lead to long-term problems. Confrontation is an assertive (as opposed to aggressive) response in which you calmly express your own view and prepare for a mutual resolution.

Confronting a colleague in a conflict situation can be daunting, as he or she may act aggressively. This may cause you to get angry yourself, or else to simply submit — neither of which are productive reactions in the long term.

You need, therefore, to know the different techniques that make up a confrontational approach. These are:

Choose right time and place — the context in which you confront people is vitally important. You need to choose a time and a place that will not exacerbate the conflict, or make people act strangely to avoid losing face. For example, it is often better to express disapproval or unhappiness to a colleague when the two of you are alone, rather than in front of all your other colleagues.

— the context in which you confront people is vitally important. You need to choose a time and a place that will not exacerbate the conflict, or make people act strangely to avoid losing face. For example, it is often better to express disapproval or unhappiness to a colleague when the two of you are alone, rather than in front of all your other colleagues. Be assertive — attitude is essential in confrontation. Whatever your real feelings, you need to show that you are in control, and express yourself firmly and clearly without making threats or showing hostility. If you are assertive, you send a calming message to the other person.

— attitude is essential in confrontation. Whatever your real feelings, you need to show that you are in control, and express yourself firmly and clearly without making threats or showing hostility. If you are assertive, you send a calming message to the other person. Listen and learn — if you make assumptions about the other person, then you will act on those assumptions — and often you will be wrong. It is better to check the other party’s real feelings and motives first — this may open up new ways of resolving the conflict.

— if you make assumptions about the other person, then you will act on those assumptions — and often you will be wrong. It is better to check the other party’s real feelings and motives first — this may open up new ways of resolving the conflict. Open dialog — one of the defining parts of effective confrontation is dialog. You must act in a way that invites the other person to respond to you. Otherwise, you could end up either imposing an unacceptable solution or reaching a stalemate.

Confronting conflict takes skill and sensitivity. Using these techniques to deal with conflict calmly and fairly makes it much more likely that you will reach a conclusion that will benefit both parties.