Showing Up and Being Seen
By: Imperfection Freak
Tags: Vulnerability, Authenticity, Disengagement, Engagement, Lifestyle

There’s a new epidemic, but isn’t exactly what we would think. Instead of a new COVID-like novel virus or zombie apocalypse, this epidemic is a lot softer and less noticeable than the now-infamous coronavirus pandemic.

This new and mysterious epidemic? Disengagement.

As a naturally shy and introverted person, I used to hide away from the world rather than show up as my authentic self. This is a pretty common occurrence for highly sensitive youngsters; I was no different. I wanted to disappear: I couldn’t bear the pain of being seen as myself. This form of disengagement is common, a more common forms of disengagement take the form of apathy, escapism, reliance on the material world, denial of the spiritual, and the unwillingness to choose seemingly anything at all.

At some time or another in our lives we come up against a powerful feeling of wanting to go somewhere else, of wanting to disappear or become invisible. To disengage with our lives because the crush of responsibility is too powerful, the road ahead too hard and uncomfortable. We aren’t engaging in our own lives and find it unbearable to show up as the person we want to be. We would rather not be seen at all rather than risk being seen naked or vulnerable.

So we check out, disengage, and recede into our habits and daily routines rather than dare greatly, or show up at all. We prioritize our momentary distraction and pleasure rather than be uncomfortable and be seen as our authentic selves, which can be extremely difficult especially if it goes against others’ preconceived notions about us.

I recently was struck by the analogy that was used for this kind of disengagement with life in none other than Dante’s Inferno. In this famous Italian poem, there is what is called a vestibule before hell but after the famous “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” entryway. The inhabitants of this vestibule are the uncommitted, the neutral, those who are out for themselves. In other words: the disengaged.

While these souls are not being overtly punished, they are still being held ransom in the mouth of hell and I think its a particularly interesting place. It says something about our human nature that even in the 14th century people still had issues engaging in their own lives, acting outside the limits of personal comfort or gain.

Brené Brown, shame researcher and author of a brilliant variety of self help books centered around vulnerability, describes disengagement this way:

“There is a particular sort of betrayal that is more insidious and equally corrosive to trust. In fact, this betrayal usually happens long before the other ones. I’m talking about the betrayal of disengagement. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.” Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

While she is talking about disengagement in personal relationships, I think this concept extends far past the confines of two people, but into our relationships with our own lives.

The antidote to disengagement? Showing up and being seen. Or in other words: vulnerability.

Showing up and being seen sounds like it should be pretty self-explanatory but it really isn’t. It goes way beyond just physically showing up somewhere (but that is a start). Showing Up and Being Seen is a metaphor of sorts for putting yourself out there, daring greatly, having confidence in yourself and your ideas, engaging in your own life, and actively being in charge of yourself and the choices you make. It requires awareness. It doesn’t come easy, and it takes a lot of practice. Its messy business. In essence, it it being vulnerable and having the courage to bear your soul in the act of being present.

If showing up is the act of vulnerability, being seen is the reception. This is the hardest part, because sometimes it requires accepting rejection. Allowing yourself to be seen, flaws and all, is a very hard thing. Vulnerability is one of the most difficult things to face in this modern world because everyone can voice their opinion online-oftentimes with little regard for a person’s feelings. Being seen requires a hefty serving of humility, and a strong sense of self-worth. To quote the ever-wise Brené Brown again:

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Brené Brown

What happens when we have the courage to show up and be seen?

Authenticity! When we have the courage to be vulnerable, we will time and time again be rewarded with the feeling of alignment with our own truth. When we have the courage to engage in our own lives rather than stand on the bylines and watch it pass by we give ourself the gift of our own worthiness. Simply by showing up and being seen exactly as we are, we have dared greatly.

If we never engage in our own lives, we will never know the wonder and joy of the journey. If we don’t have the courage to show up and be authentic, we will never know what could have happened. We could never know the greatness, the wonderful change, the epic transformation our lives if we had engaged in our own messiness, or own faultiness, our imperfection.

To quote the brilliant Brené Brown YET again:

“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” Brené Brown

Don’t be afraid of failing, shame, falling short, or what others think. In the end, they are not important. What is important is your own growth, your engagement in your life, and the relationships you make along the way.

JJC

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