I’m A World Class, Grade A, Needy Clinger — Needy AF #4
By: The Needy Professor
Tags: Loving Yourself, Needy, Goals, Betterment, Personal Development

So what can I do? The answer isn’t to lock myself away in some cave. The answer is what I’ve known it to be all along…

…strengthening myself to be the emotionally strong person that I know I can be and stand as a independent man/friend/spouse/father…

And I already know what that entails…

…giving people I love the space and time they desire to spend with their own lives…without me all the time…

And how do I do that? It’s simple, but hard —

Build a level of respect and resolve within yourself so that you are comfortable being in your own skin and are not in constant need of assurance from those around you.

And how do I do that? I don’t have the universal answer. But here’s where I’m going to start. It extreme but I know for myself I have to do it if I’m to get anywhere close to the person I want to be. This is how difficult my neediness is right now.

I quit my job // I drown my pain in hard work as an escape and always have. For me, I can’t break this neediness with the stress of a job at the same time. I’ve been fortunate to sock away some money so I’m going to use it.

I’m going to venture out on my own // Camping, hiking, day trips. Things that I want to do with others I’ll do with myself for a while.

A texting and phone call fast // A week, two weeks? Doesn’t matter, but just leave the people I love alone for a bit. They need the break from me and, honestly, I probably need one too. Am I showing them how much better it is without me communicating? Probably, but I have to take that risk because they will leave eventually but in a much uglier way if changes don’t get made.

Self care // I’m terrible with this. I’m in good shape, but that’s genetics. I struggle to brush my teeth and floss, never take the time to meditate, my exercise routine is spotty at best and well, I love hamburgers. I’m sending my own self the message that I don’t like myself and I can treat myself badly.

Being alone // I’m going to avoid asking anyone to do anything social. If someone asks me, that’s different. But I need to stop always reaching out to help myself feel better, I need to find that from within.

Helping others // Find a volunteer situation that helps me see that others have it much worse than I do. Maybe I can stop feeling sorry for myself.

This is a start and I know I’m about to be humbled greatly which makes it all the more scary. I’m definitely more worried about the communication fasts as they are going to be very painful. My deep internal hope is that they notice and contact me, but very likely they’ll be relieved I’m not bugging them. I’ll likely hear of friends doing things without me and the jealousy monster will rise like a angry beast within me. I’m going to be alone, and that’s one person I don’t always like being with. Hearing about what’s going on at work with me not there will be hard. But I have to make changes, they have to occur now and I’m just going to have to endure some pain to get through it. Maybe some friends will fall by the wayside — likely they were looking for an out anyway and I need to be the good friend and let them go. Maybe my ego gets bruised because work carries on seamlessly without me. Or maybe, I realize how much of life I’m missing out on by chaining myself to neediness. Maybe I can form the optimal version of myself and add to other’s lives and not take from them. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to care about myself enough so others don’t have to. That is the true gift I want to give.