On Friendships and Rivalries [Part 1: Friendships]
By: Ifeoma Iheagwara
Tags: Rivalry, Friends, Human Behavior, Friendship

“Not all friends are true friends, and not all rivals are enemies”.

Friendships

Many would argue for someone to be called a friend, you should be able to trust in their words and promises. I, however strongly disagree. Regardless of their intentions, humans have and will always be deceptive and trickish. Yes, I know some may honestly care, but in all honesty, we all are loyal and trustworthy till we aren’t or till we no longer find favour in that ‘friend’.

When I was younger, making friends wasn’t a difficult feat for me as I was an extremely energetic and talkative child, but as I got older, I began to recuse myself from people. Now I get anxious when I was forced into a room with strange faces. Also, going through a crowd is something I dread and the thought of strange eyes following me as I move freaks me out. I don’t know when this aversion for people began, but life has taught me to be wary and tread with caution when dealing with others. It is this aversion that makes it difficult for me to tag someone ‘a friend’. I simply use the term ‘acquaintance’ more. So, when people counter my unease with humans by saying, “…but you have a lot of friends”, I never fail to clarify that I just know more people.

“Never trust the loyalty of the person who is friends with everyone”.

Those who gravitate from one person to another without reason should not keep their secrets.

As humans, we all have our individual beliefs, values and ideologies. Sometimes we meet someone or a group of people whose values align with ours, and sometimes, we call these like-minded people ‘friends’.

A person who calls themselves a friend to different groups with warring ideologies has no loyalty to any but to themselves.

Trusting such people with your most private secrets could have dire consequences as you may not know their stance on the things that helped you ‘bond’. I may seem paranoid, but I have since learnt that while you should never take advantage of the people who hold you dear, a lot of people will not hesitate to take advantage of you. Sometimes, people get close to you because of what they aim to gain and in other to gain your confidence, they will feign interest in what interests you.

“The line between becoming friends or enemies with a person is extremely thin”.

Remember this saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”?

I’ve got one better for you; “Keep your friends at arm’s length and block whatever access your enemies have to you”. Do not be a too-trusting fool. Many humans are like vultures, preying on the weak and secretly striving to pull down the strong.

Keeping your friend at arm’s length does not mean you should alienate yourself from those who love you. It simply means you should learn to keep your own secrets and fix your own problems. Yes, friends are good, especially when you need someone to confide in, but you should never forget that they are also human. Humans are self-preservatory in nature. We will always put ourselves and those we deem family first in everything. So when we are made aware of things that could be detrimental to our lifestyle or existence and our family’s, we will always choose them over friends.

Some secrets are best unsaid.

Blocking your enemies’ access to you is very important for your mental peace and sanity. Those who do not wish you well should never be privy to your plans. Do not grant them access into your life only to keep an eye on them. To explain, they cannot get to you if they do not know your moves.

“Avoid people who gossip about others to you”.

A ‘friend’ who continuously tells you the secrets of their own friends should never know your secrets and should be avoided. If they willingly break the confidence of others, especially unprovoked, then the possibility of them revealing your secrets to others is extremely high. Do not call such people ‘friends’.

“Respect your friends”.

Those who you call friend deserves your utmost respect and should be held in high regard. Do not disrespect them in any way and if you do so, learn to suppress your ego and apologize wholeheartedly. Respect their wishes and try to always communicate your feelings with them. Do not be silent when they disrespect you but be courteous when addressing it.

If a friendship ends, never forget the memories you had together. Regardless of the nature of the dissolution, always remember to protect their secrets. Do not break their confidence in a bid to retaliate. Respect the friendship you once had.

fin