Why Life’s Often Better When Women Are Single
By: L.A. Strucke
Tags: Divorce, Marriage, Editors Pick, Life, Women

Why Life’s Often Better When Women Are Single

Because taking control of your own life is amazing

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

Emily was a young beautiful girl who had endured a difficult, traumatic childhood. This girl was so beautiful people took one look at her and thought she was a model. But inside, she never felt pretty. She never felt she was good enough.

She never wanted to marry early, but fate intervened. Soon she was married to a man, living barely above the poverty line and raising children. Her husband was the old fashioned type, and she wasn’t. He was an angry man and often abusive. He laid down the law, and she obeyed. Emily kept their home immaculate and walked on eggshells to protect her family and keep the peace.

When he wasn’t around, she could breathe. She loved pop culture, dancing, and going to the gym. He was a pessimist and sat alone in the dark and read. He controlled the household. Emily had to ask her husband for permission to watch a TV show. He never complimented her or took her out for a special evening. Strangers were kinder than the person who was supposed to love her for the rest of her life.

She lived for her times of solitude, where she’d meditate and venture outside in nature’s peaceful surroundings to escape the doom and gloom. Sadly, her youthful dreams for her life never came true. Although she was grateful for her children and loved them so much, she never traveled to beautiful places, finished college, or pursued the career she dreamed of. Yet she encouraged her children to do all those things. Emily did everything she could to ensure her children would all graduate college and have a better life. She took a low paid job helping others, and every small kindness she received at work made her day. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept her sane in a day.

She escaped the house as often as she could, to avoid the darkness and negativity she lived with. She never knew what she was coming home to, and it caused her a lot of unhappiness and stress.

Sometimes Emily lived in such fear of his rage, she locked her bedroom door at night. Deeply unhappy, she dreamed of her escape but stayed with him her entire adult life because she didn’t want her children to grow up in a broken home. She felt trapped and powerless.

She was a beautiful flower, wilting away. And her husband thought everything was fine. Well, it was — for him.

Marrying the wrong person

I’m a huge advocate for marriage. Life is beautiful when a husband and wife have a mutual life-giving relationship where they bring out the best in each other. In those mutually loving relationships, both people grow to become the best versions of themselves. But too many people, like Emily, marry the wrong person, and life is no longer inspiring. It’s now a destructive situation, where you’re afraid for your safety, and no one’s needs are being met.

Research shows that women do the majority of routine and repetitive labor in marriage, and there is an inequality in power and decision making. In “The Creation of Patriarchy” by Gerda Lerner, 1987, Lerner discusses male dominance over women. Even though we all like to think that women are liberated, there are still women in this day and age, living in an unhealthy marriage with misogyny, abuse, and disrespect — and the pandemic makes it worse.

Finding your life’s purpose

For years, I felt sad that my own marriage had ended, and I envied my happily married friends. I put my heart and my soul into helping my own children have a better life, to overcome the trauma of the divorce.

Yet, something is amazing about freedom. Since I ventured out on my own, I struggled. It wasn’t easy raising children alone and working nonstop to pay the bills. Yet it was empowering for me. I returned to college and obtained a B.A., conquered my fear of flying, and vacationed in Italy, where I achieved my lifelong dream of being serenaded by a gorgeous Italian while in a gondola. I doubt this would have ever happened if I stayed married to a person who never wanted to leave the house. In fact, a study showed people who were in a highly distressed marriage are happier after divorce.

Although I would have preferred being in a healthy marriage that lasted until death does us part, I’ve grown to love being someone who makes her own decisions and follows her dreams. I’m free to follow my life’s purpose. It’s liberating to steer my own destiny. Life is an inspiring, exciting adventure.

Sometimes it’s better to live apart

My heart goes out to Emily, and women like her. They stay in an unhappy marriage for the “sake of the children.” Divorce is horrible for everyone involved, especially children, and I would not recommend it. But sometimes in a marriage of abuse or addiction, it’s necessary for a family’s survival. My children struggled through it, but they have fared extremely well in life, and are living their dreams.

Sometimes it’s better to live apart for the sake of the children. In a UK poll, 82% of young people said that it would be better for their families if their parents divorced.

Trapped in a loveless marriage

My heart still goes to Emily, who is still feeling trapped in a loveless marriage. It was her choice, and she makes the best of her life, loving her children, and counting the small blessings.

Yet, I wish she could find the courage to venture out on her own. I wish she could travel to a beautiful place and someday know what it is like to feel loved and cherished by someone. Yet she remains beautiful Rapunzel in her lonely, gloomy tower — gazing out on a world that has long forgotten her.