shawn mendes: in wonder
Tags: Passion, Shawn Mendes, Documentary, Love, Music

Today I sat down to watch a movie and stumbled across Shawn Mendes’ documentary. Ive always loved his music and his genuine nature. His music has got me through loads of heartbreak, high school drama and lonely nights. Last year my best friend surprised me with concert tickets. It was a night I’ll forget. The energy and warmth that radiates of his music and his fans was immaculate.

Watching this documentary brought me to tears at multiple times. It was a symbol that despite your net worth or how fancy your car is, we are all confused, lost, and living life as it comes.

He expresses how at times he’s wanted to show his true feelings, the 21 year old boy who just wanted to go home, spend time with his family and friends and maybe smoke a joint. He speaks about his anxiety and how it is not his enemy but his friend who he battles with but always comes back stronger. Allowing ourselves to understand that anxiety, confusion, madness is life. We are allowed to feel all of it and even if we don’t allow ourselves to we still will because our hearts feel, we can’t turn off our emotions.

A part of the documentary that especially hit me was when he returned home to preform at Rogers Centre. Prior to the concert he got to spend a few days at home with his family and friends after months of being away. He explains how preforming at the largest arena wasn’t what this concert was about. It was about being in his hometown where his career started. All the town people told him how they bought tickets to come see him preform. The energy his was feeling was indescribable. Preforming there was the night he’ll never forget because it’s where it all started and being back there as a legend meant everything.

On the more down side he shares his medical journeys. Doctors visits, cancellation of concerts, etc. He never knew when his voice would give out. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night but sometimes during a show. The pressure of millions of fans is exhausting and overwhelming. His most important instrument is his voice and the fact that an athlete needs to take extra precautions physically sometimes artists are overlooked and need to rest their voices. They can injure themselves by talking or screaming, maybe by eating or drinking something too cold. It is such an interesting adventure to watch someone experience the ups and downs of their career. At times his voice doesn’t allow him to preform on a certain night and he cant risk damaging his voice for the shows to come. The disappointment of letting down all his fans is heartbreaking and for an artist who truly loves what he does. Watching him cry for letting his supporters down shows his love and gratitude towards his fans. He expresses how hopeless he feels when there are 40,000 people waiting outside who are now crying and all they want is to see him do what he loves.

There is a part of that cancellation that many people didn’t get to see. He had to cancel his show in South America and head back to his hotel due to vocal cord issues. His voice couldn’t preform to the level that was needed and the risk of damaging his voice for the next 11 shows was one he could not take. His supporters came outside his hotel window and turned around his hopelessness. They screamed and chanted their love for him. The warmth and love he felt made him understand that his fans know that he didn’t have any other choice.

Since I’m a hopeless romantic, the part where he talks about his relationship with Camila Cabello made me crave something so pure. Often relationships are turned into something so different through the media. The way their relationship started so long before it truly began was something I never knew before. He talks about how every song has always been about her. In particular he mentions how treat you better was about her. He always knew it was her. He knew he could do so much better with her by his side. Watching how supportive they are of each other is beyond beautiful and inspiring. Before their concert together or just his concert, she’s there to help him calm his nerves and preform like the legend his is.

Some of the things I found most interesting were that sometimes he needs a break mid show for a little pep talk. He needs to be told how amazing he is because he is fucking human too. On the more physical aspect, I found it so neat how his attire fit the country he was in. When he was in Mexico he wore a more ethnic vest to fit the fans. It was just a small part of a musicians life which I never thought about.

His song wonder has spoke to me on so many levels. I wonder if i’m being real do i speak my truth or do i filter how i feel. So often we find ourselves lost in the feeling of wondering whether we are faking it to make others think about us in a certain way. His lyrics put our everyday feelings into a song that allows a safe space. I wonder what it’s like to be my friends hope that they don’t think i forget about them. Always being away from his friends and having such little time to call them or text makes him feel like he isn’t the greatest friend. I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you. This lyric speaks to every single one of us differently because we all have the person who we are curious to know their thoughts. We want to know whether they feel the same way about us or do they find us pretty or do they even know who we are. He even brings in the double standard men are held against of crying makes them less of a man. I wonder when I cry into my hands i’m conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man and I wonder if some day you’ll be by my side and tell me that the world will end up alright. The fact that a man can’t wear pink and cry is just so stupid. As a women I am constantly fighting to be equal in dominance but at times a man wants to let go a little and feel what he’s going through. And as far as being curious if someone will be by our side to tell us that in the end we’ll make it, that’s something most of us crave in life.

Some songs that have got me through my darkest nights have to be never be alone, in my blood, lost in japan, mercy, and ruin. Some songs that have got me through my happiest days have to be señorita, youth, memories and life of the party.

“Let’s make mistakes and don’t look back, it now or never” -Shawn Mendes