4 Tips I Discovered to Deal With My Impostor Syndrome
By: Philippe Araujo
Tags: Wellness, Mindfulness, Personal Development, Wellbeing, Personal Growth

Last week, I recorded with my co-host Mathieu, the 8th episode of the Naked Podcast, and the topic we initially chose was impostor syndrome. I have a personal connection with this syndrome because after reading about it, I noticed that I relate to it. I want to share my experience and the tools that I have developed that have enabled me to mitigate it.

70% of the population experience impostor syndrome.

Throughout my career, whether I changed jobs, companies, projects or teams, I truly believed that I only won these new positions on the basis of exceptional circumstances or luck, not on merit. I thought that what I had done was not good enough to deserve what I had accomplished. I didn’t believe in any of my achievements or doubting my skills. Therefore, I felt like a fraud.

I was afraid people around me would find out. At night, I had thoughts like “Why am I in these meetings?” “Why are they entrusting me with this project?” “Why are they putting me in charge of this team?” or “I cannot make this presentation in front of all the management of the company, I do not know enough about the subject!”. Like on the Suits TV show, when Mike knows that Jessica has learned the truth and walks into the office feeling everyone’s gaze on him.

At the time, I didn’t know what the problem was. I knew I had a self-esteem issue, but I didn’t know anything more.

Until a few years ago, I couldn’t put a name on it. While reading studies and developing an interest in the psychology of human behavior, I discovered and related to the 1978 research on impostor syndrome by Dr Pauline R. Clance and Dr Suzanne A. Imes in a study on high achieving women. Since then, many successful people have come forward to explain their relationship to this problem. One of the most famous is from Maya Angelou:

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” — Maya Angelou

A study published in the Journal of Behavioral science also found that a mere 70% of the population felt it. And maybe you are suffering from it without knowing it!

Based on Clance’s article, here are the dimensions that can be distinguished for the impostor phenomenon:

The impostor cycle

The need to be unique or the best

Characteristics of Superman/Superwoman

Fear of failure

Denial of ability and discounting praise

Feeling fear and guilt about success

From other research, Valerie Young’s book “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It” identified 5 groups that people fall into:

The perfectionist

The Superwoman/man

The natural genius

The soloist

The expert

Personally, I know I wanted to feel special. I had abilities to retain information and adaptation that helped me in school and many teachers recognized and praised them. I also didn’t identify with my peers at school because I didn’t spend as much time as they did try to understand the subjects. And maybe school or family is part of the root cause of it all.

What I do know is that today I try to alleviate that feeling by working harder than anyone. I worked hard on myself and became very picky about what I was able to do. I decided to take up the challenges that presented themselves to me, without saying no. I was relentless, I wanted to prove my worth. However, part of it can be self-harm and is fueling the syndrome itself. It was almost like a vicious cycle. I was embarking on a new job or role, feeling like a fraud again. And then I work my ass off until I gain enough confidence to continue. The problem was, I was tackling these new missions, and at the same time, I felt like I shouldn’t be there. And so, I was pushing myself even more. There was no end to it.

Begin the healing process.

The first encounter with the syndrome that I remember was when I worked as a consultant at Fujitsu Canada. At that point, I had changed roles because I wanted to work on the advisory side of the organization. I had done this in Paris during past experiences and wanted to go back to it. In my first project, I was part of the team whose objective was to build new operational processes based on ITIL and ISO best practices within a new organization. This project began with a merger between two departments within the same organization.

Our project consisted of 3 leading architects including myself and a team to develop the product to support the processes. The other two architects were senior certified and experts in ITIL. I felt that I had no place in the project. Even though I was not an expert, the project manager, who was an external consultant, chatted with me, he liked my energy and decided to put me in charge of my own workshop. As for them, I needed to organize and manage my part of the project accordingly.

In addition to building the new processes, we were product managers leading the development of an operational application.

Long story short, during the first workshop, I came into conflict with one of the main stakeholders. I did not read the situation correctly. A lot of emotion and personal interests were attached to this project for those involved. No one likes change, and for some people, this change had more ramifications than I thought.

This stakeholder was solely responsible for these processes in the previous organization, and he did not want to lose the control he had. It was personal to him.

My immaturity or lack of experience made me believe in a fairy tale in which everyone was in and supported the project. I was far from the truth. After the incident, I spoke to my colleague on the way back to Fujitsu, and he calmly explained to me, “Look, Phil, you’re pushing yourself out of the project.”

I was scared, I couldn’t fail… In the evening, I decided to call the project manager. I apologized and asked for his honest and direct feedback. He then explained to me that he was disappointed, that he expected more from me, and that if I don’t change my behavior, he will have to push me out of the project.

We chatted for a while, and he understood where I was coming from. He helped me clear things up in my head and told me what he expected, neither more nor less than my abilities. The next day we went to see the stakeholder together, I apologized and explained the situation, and from there we worked very closely so that he didn’t feel left out. He also helped to make this first major project and my experience a success.

This experience clarified so much for me. First, it changed my perception of leadership and mentoring. I must recognize the man behind this project: Patrick Bilodeau, and I know that I can never thank him enough for what he has done for me. He took me under his wing and it allowed me to thrive and do what I wanted. I could be myself. He was generous with what he learned, with sharing his experiences and his time. I learned from him how to master workshops, how to deal with dissident behavior, the importance of bringing chocolate to workshops, how to connect with anyone and the famous 5 min rules.

Find a good mentor.

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

You can’t do it alone! This is where I am fortunate enough to have been under this man. Patrick was an entrepreneur, and even though he was an outside consultant, and I was from Fujitsu, he didn’t care. He did what was right for him and for the project. I’m not sure people noticed the huge impact he had on this project or others. This project allowed me to learn the work structures that I still use today.

It is this type of encounter that can change you as a professional and change your career. Anyway, this one helped me with my impostor syndrome.

What was paradoxical was that I had successfully carried out this kind of project for over a year in France in the banking and insurance sector. And that’s where that feeling doesn’t make sense when you take a step back. Even though I had the skills and experience if I found myself in a new context, a new work environment, I felt helpless or a fraud. I know I’m putting this pressure on myself. The world around me doesn’t expect me to be perfect. The people I work with just expect me to give the best of myself according to my abilities.

This is the most significant impact of impostor syndrome. A kind of self-destruction that can get out of hand. It lowers my confidence, triggers my fears, and wanting to fight it for survival, and that’s where it all can fall apart!

Change perspective.

“People who don’t feel like impostors are no more intelligent or competent or capable than the rest of us,” Valerie Young expert in the impostor syndrome says. “It’s very good news because it means we just have to learn to think like non-impostors.”

I had this model in mind. I compared my skills, where I come from, the name of the company in the CV, my parents, my family, the name of the university, the diplomas or the position to those of others. I chose what I compared. And then the doubts begin.

As a friend put it so well, the problem was, I was comparing the worst version of myself to the best projection of others around me.

Photo by Joel Fulgencio on Unsplash

Today, after realizing this, I have developed abilities to stop this thinking process. I’m trying to stop my brain from leading me down a rabbit hole. I’m trying to change my perspective and start a healthier process of comparing myself to who I was, where I am, and thinking about what I want to be.

My growth and personal development came from a deep feeling that I have had since childhood. I wanted to prove that I was able to do more than my family believed. As a human being, we could do whatever we wanted, no matter what cards we were given at birth. I became ambitious, hungry, motivated and all of those feelings materialized into an ambition that got me to where I am today. I don’t know what the future is, but I always want more. However, I question myself less, I am still in this process or yet I know that I would be where I should be if I remained myself and if my thoughts, actions and feelings are in the right place.

So I started by putting aside all the misconceptions I had in my mind. I started to ask myself the right question “What if I am like this (XXX)?”. This question changed my state of mind and over time changed my perspective on something that seemed to be wrong on my mind. I was my own judge.

When you start to judge yourself, your brain works the same way. It uses models that have grown stronger over the years. So I needed to take a step back and change the habits in my head. I had to bring objectivity to the mix. I started a really beneficial and at the same time painful exercise. I took my accomplishments and wrote them down as a recruiter or headhunter who was selling me to a client. I wrote them down in the third person. I repeated this process until I was satisfied.

This exercise has nothing to do with arrogance or boosting your ego. It has to do with objectivity and pride. So it’s time to pump my chest and take note of my accomplishments. And that’s how I change the principles that have wired my brain.

Do the groundwork.

Going back to the basics and fundamentals can help move forward faster. My ninjutsu teacher used to say that compared to other martial arts and senseis, he decided to make us work on our foundations first and that no castle could be erected on swampy ground. So we worked on basic techniques (katas) and basic combinations until they became natural.

I had no choice but to lay the groundwork until I was able to feel at peace with myself and not put myself down. I believe everyone should be proud of themselves. Everyone is perfect as they are today. We look too far into the future without appreciating the present and celebrating small successes in the right way. We spend too much time on our failure, dwelling on it, analyzing what went wrong and keeping it in our mind. It blocks our growth as a person.

What is missing is reflecting on what we have accomplished, looking at it from someone else’s point of view. I forced myself to step back and look at a perspective that was neither mine nor those around me. This perspective helped me think about who I was and what I wanted. Also, I needed to rewire my brain so that I wouldn’t take any shortcuts and start having precise thoughts.

And here is the main problem, nobody takes the time to learn their identity in relation to their tribe, their society or their environment. No one looks at their strengths, their weaknesses, and is honest with what they do, what they are good at, and what they are not.

If in addition, impostor syndrome kicks in, quick guesses can turn into a destructive pattern. You cut corners and it’s easy to devalue yourself and your accomplishments.

“Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” — Dr Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life

Be compassionate with yourself.

First and foremost, I still have this impostor syndrome, I have doubts, and sometimes I put myself down when I shouldn’t. However, I believe I have armed myself to fight and tame it.

The question now is: how will you begin your healing process?