Why Is It So Hard to Stick to Good Habits?
By: Roy Cook
Tags: Core Values, Peace Of Mind, Success, Fulfillment, Financial Independence

Why Is It So Hard to Stick to Good Habits?

Willpower is NOT the Answer

Source: Unsplash — James Donovan

Habits are so important that I’m devoting part of another blog to them. James Clear gives us some insight as to why we give up on new habits so quickly:[1]

Have you ever set out with the goal of actually sticking to a new behavior…only to find yourself not doing it at all one week later? I know I have.

Why is so hard to form good habits? Why is it so difficult to make consistent change? How can we have the best intentions to become better, and yet still see so little progress? And most importantly, is there anything we can do about it?

How do we balance our desire to make life-changing transformations with the need to build small, sustainable habits?

We recognize that good habits are created when we dream big but start small. As Clear states:[2]

What if you started thinking of your life goals, not as big, audacious things that you can only achieve when the time is right or when you have better resources or when you finally catch your big break…but instead as tiny, daily behaviors that are repeated until success becomes inevitable?…

Daily habits — tiny routines that are repeatable — are what make big dreams a reality.

Thank you, James. That’s a good idea. I like focusing on habits that are consistent with my core values. As I’ve discussed in previous blogs, core values are closest to your heart, so it’s much easier to do things that are congruent with those core values.

Maybe it’s not a surprise that Clear does the same thing:[3]

One of the solutions I’ve been trying out is to let my values drive my choices. That doesn’t mean I ignore other aspects of my decision-making process. I simply add my core values into the mix.

For example, if I’m working on a problem in my business, rather than just asking, “Will this make money?” I can ask, “Is this in alignment with my values?” And then, “Will this make money?

If I say no to either, then I look for another option. The idea behind this method is that if we live and work in alignment with our values, then we’re more likely to live a life we are proud of rather than one we regret.

To start small and change your lifestyle, you will first need to evaluate your goals. See which of your goals are consistent with one or more of your ten to twenty internal core values. If you’re following the system I have outlined for you in earlier blogs, you are already committing to only acting on those goals, decisions, and actions consistent with your core values.

Even if your goals are good, they must be tested against your core values. For example, if you are writing a book and running several times a week, those are good goals, but are they congruent with one or more of your core values? If not, scratch them off the list right now. Knowing and acting on your core values has just saved you from wasting your time!

Setting small habits is a good idea. Combining those habits with core values is a better idea. It increases your chances for success in areas that matter most to you.

I hope you can see why discovering your core values before embarking on a productivity hack or a success-based system makes sense. Reverse the two, and you’re wasting time. A lot of it.

Remember the productivity pyramid: purpose and values first, then goals, and tasks last. That’s the key to success that Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) and his business partner Hyrum W. Smith (What Matters Most) taught around the world thirty years ago. It sure worked for them. It worked for me, too. All three of us realized our dreams: fulfillment, peace of mind, and financial freedom. That’s a winning trifecta!

Every single qualification for success is acquired through habit. People form habits and habits form futures. If you do not deliberately form good habits, then unconsciously you will form bad ones. You are the kind of person you are because you have formed the habit of being that kind of person, and the only way you can change is through habit.[4]

— Albert Grey, The Common Denominator of Success

Making Good Choices without (Only) Using Willpower

Jari Roomer, the founder of Personal Growth Lab (ThePersonalGrowthLab.com), wrote about the struggles of making the right choices. I am going to quote part of his article dealing with this issue because of its tie-in with core values:[5]

For many of us, there’s a constant struggle with the self when it comes to making the “right” choices…Constantly, we’re faced with the dilemma of instant vs delayed gratification. Yet, it is the quality of our decisions that determines the quality of our lives…

Why Willpower Doesn’t Work

Tapping into your discipline and willpower is one way to overcome this struggle — and useful for picking the higher-quality option instead. The problem, however, is that our willpower is a finite resource that depletes during the day…

Link Your Identity to Your Choices

Whenever we’re about to make a decision, we should ask ourselves the question, “Am I the type of person who picks X over Y?”…

In this case, picking the unhealthy donut over a healthy snack didn’t match with the person that I believe myself to be — my identity. I think of myself as someone who values health, energy, and vitality…

Therefore, by confronting yourself with who you are if you make certain choices, you’re much more likely to make better choices. The options that aren’t in line with your identity simply become much less attractive.

Thanks, Jari. Here’s where your core values come into play with your identity. How would you think if you, like me, had health as a core value and you were in the above scenario?

Since my core value of health is defined as “I eat a balanced diet. I eat well to have energy, skill, prevent cancer, and control weight,” I don’t have to access my willpower to say “no” to the donut.

This core value of health has become part of my persona. It is clear to me that eating donuts does not honor one of my eleven core values. It doesn’t mean that I will never eat a donut. I think I have probably had three in the last year.

So, as opposed to fighting with my willpower, I can ask Jari’s question: “Am I the kind of person who will choose to eat a donut over something healthier?” Asking identity-related questions is a good way to honor a core value.

Conclusion

I use both of these two tools — habits and avoiding dependence on my unreliable willpower — in combination with my core values to achieve results, and so can you! When tempted to do something unrelated to my values, I ask myself a question related to my self-image as a person who wants to succeed by following the internal core value that relates to that moment (see donut example, above). Sometimes it might be a bit more important than a donut — say, a life-changing decision like changing careers!

In my next blog, I discuss three effective tools you can use with core values.

This is the fourteenth blog on this subject. Each blog can stand alone or can be viewed as a comprehensive look on the why and how finding and living by your core values can change your life. Dramatically!

If you want to read my other core values blogs: https://medium.com/the-innovation/your-core-values/home.

As a reminder, the actual step-by-step process of how you can discover your core values will only be covered in chapter 2 of my book, to be published in January 2021 — A Fool’s Errand: Why Your Goals are Falling Short and What You Can Do About It.

If you’d like me to email you the first chapter and notify you when the book is published, please add your email here: https://mailchi.mp/592c9a435a29/a-fools-errand. (Until then, I promise to share with you the power of core values via blogs taken from my book 2–3 times per week.)

[1] Clear, James. “Why Is It So Hard to Stick to Good Habits.” JamesClear.com New York: Avery, 2018. Accessed August 13, 2020. https://jamesclear.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-form-good-habits.

[2] Clear, James. “Why Is It So Hard to Stick to Good Habits.” JamesClear.com New York: Avery, 2018. Accessed August 13, 2020. https://jamesclear.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-form-good-habits.

[3] Clear, James. “Let Your Values Drive Your Choices.” JamesClear.com New York: Avery, 2018. Accessed August 13, 2020. https://jamesclear.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-form-good-habits.

[4] Gray, Albert E.N. The Common Denominator of Success. Tremendous Life Books, 2008.

[5] Roomer, Jari. “How To Consistently Make Good Choices Without Tapping Into Your Willpower.” Medium.com. Accessed August 13, 2020. https://medium.com/personal-growth-lab/how-to-consistently-make-good-choices-without-tapping-into-your-willpower.