THE PRINCESS DIARIES — FRIED REVIEWS
By: Chris Espinal
Tags: Film, Movies, Marijuana, Journalism, Self Love

Intro

HEY EVERYONE HOPE YOU HAD AN OKAY SUMMER AND THAT YOU’RE STILL READING AFTER THAT INTENSE JOJO RABBIT REVIEW. THIS TIME WE’RE REVIEWING THE PRINCESS DIARIES. YES, I’VE NEVER SEEN IT. YES, I KNOW THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO WATCH THIS ON TV. I FEEL LIKE IF I JUST TURNED ON THE TV ANY CHANNEL AND WAITED 5 MINUTES THEY’D START PLAYING THE PRINCESS DIARIES.

ANYWAYS WE GOT ONE OF THE FEW GOOD-HEARTED ANNE HATHAWAY BEING AN ABSOLUTE KLUTZ AND A NERD (SHE’S USING A MOTORIZED SCOOTER) ON HER WAY TO SCHOOL. AND SHE’S NOT DOING SO HOT IN THE SOCIAL WORD LIKE SHE IS GETTING SAT ON BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP ACCIDENTALLY SITTING ON HER, MAN. BUT NOW SHE GOT HIT UP BY HER ROYAL GRANDMOTHER AND WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW FATHER WAS THE PRINCE OF GENOA(LIKE THE SALAMI??) NOW SHE’S A PRINCESS AND ONLY HEIR TO DA THRONE.

BUT ANNE DOESN’T WANNA BE A PRINCESS SO SHE’S LIKE FUCK ALL THIS SHIT AND RUNS AWAY FROM IT ALL. THEN ANNE INTERROGATES HER MOM FOR NOT TELLING HER EARLIER ABOUT THE THING THAT COULD CHANGE HER LIFE.

ALSO THE SECURITY GUARD/DRIVER OR JOSEPH WHATEVER IS DRESSED LIKE HE’S FROM THE MATRIX WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THAT.

LMAO WAIT SOMEONE JUST TOLD JOE THAT HE LOOKS LIKE SHAFT.

THIS DIALOGUE IS SO FUNNY LIKE ANNE HATHAWAY IS TALKING ABOUT HER DAD BEING DEAD AND ANNE HATHAWAY’S FRIEND GOES “it’s been two months I thought you’d gotten over that” LIKE WHAT.

“Somebody sat on me again” 04:12

THIRTY MINUTES IN THIS MOVIE IS GREAT. ANNE HATHAWAY LEARNING TO BE A PRINCESS BUT SHE FUCKING SUCKS AT IT MAN I WANT BETTER FOR HER. THIS MOVIE IS HONESTLY HILARIOUS AND SHE JUST KEEPS FUCKING UP IN ACTUAL REALISTIC WAYS.

OKAY ALSO THE SCENE WITH JOE AND THE GRANDMOTHER IS SO WEIRD LIKE THE EVENTS THAT LEAD TO IT MAKE ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE ARE THEY LOVERS OR.

NAH THIS MAKEOVER SCENE IS FUCKING FUNNY AS SHIT THIS MAKEOVER GUY GOOFY AS SHIT WHAT IS THIS ACCENT. LMAOOO THE BRUSH BROKE WHILE TRYING TO BRUSH ANNE’S HAIR THIS MOVIE GOTTA CHILL.

BUT AYYY SHE DID IT SHE GOT THE MAKEOVER GOOD FOR HER. BUT.

BUT.

WHAT DOES THIS MAKEOVER SAY ABOUT SOCIETY’S STANDARD FOR WOMEN? HMM? FIX THIS

AW ANNE’S FRIEND MADE ANNE CRY CAUSE SHE’S ROASTING HER HARD. DAMNNN SHE CALLED ANNE A SELLOUT THAT’S CRAZY.

BUT DAMN ANNE CLAPPED BACK LET’S GOOOOOOOO.

UNTIL SHE HAD TO TELL HER FRIEND THAT SHE’S A PRINCESS. NOW SHE WANTS TO KEEP BEING ANNE’S BESTFRIEND SELFISH ASS. IT’S CRAZY CAUSE ANNE WAS FORCED TO TAKE OFF THE HAT SHE WAS WEARING AND STILL TRIED TO ROAST ANNE SHE CANNOT WIN.

BITCH SINCE WHEN WAS SANDRA OH IN THIS MOVIE. SHE’S FUNNY AS FUCK IN THIS MOVIE HOLY HELL EVERYONE IS KILLING THIS SHIT BUT ESPECIALLY SANDRA SHE’S SO GOOD AT BEING WEIRD. BASICALLY NOW ANNE GOT SNITCHED ON BY THE GUY WHO GAVE HER THE MAKEOVER NOW EVERYONE KNOWS HE SECRET THIS SHIT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE FOR HER. ALSO ANNE’S FRIEND IS FUCKING GARBAGE I’M SORRY.

“Grandma, I spun without hurting anyone” 34:45

ONE HOUR IN. ANNE IS KINDA BECOMING A “PROPER” PRINCESS BUT NOW SHE JUST SET SOMEONE ON FIRE DURING A FANCY DINNER MY GOD ANNE. BUT THE GRANDMOTHER IS BEING MAD NICE AND WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ANNE.

DAMN THIS CUTE AS SHIT THEY HANGING OUT AT THE ARCADE THAT’S A VIBE MAN I HATE QUARANTINE.

OH NO NOW THEY GOT ON IN AN ACCIDENT BY BACKING INTO A FUCKING TRAIN OH MY FUCKING GOD THE WAY JULIE ANDREWS TALKS HER WAY OUT OF THE POLICE NOT TAKING ANNE TO JAIL IS INSANE THIS MOVIE MIGHT BE A 10 OUT OF 10 THE PRIVILEGE JUMPED. ACTUALLY NO NVM THIS IS FUCKED IT’S ACAB OVER HERE MA.

NOW SHE’S AT SOME BEACH PARTY WITH THE BACKSTREET BOY CLONE HE’S WHATEVER I SEE NOTHING IN HIM ANNE COULD DO BETTER. NOW THE BOY IS MAKING ANNE GIVE HIM A FOOT MASSAGE??? HUH?? WAIT WHAT NOW HE MADE ANNE KISS HIM IN FRONT OF THE PAPARAZZI WHAT IF HE SNITCHED ANNE OUT TO THE PAPARAZZI THAT WOULD BE THE MOST TOXIC MOVE OF ALL TIME.

DAMNNNN THESE PEOPLE ARE SO MEAN TO HER WTF MAN WHAT DID SHE DO TO THEM. NOW THE PUBLIC THINKS SHE’S A WILD PRINCESS THIS MOVIE HURTING. I KNOW SHE BOUTA SHUT THEM UP SHE GONNA MAKE A COMEBACK.

LETS GOOOOOO THEY’RE PLAYING BASEBALL AND ANNE HIT A BASEBALL THAT TRAVELED TO BACKSTREET’S DICK. HERE COMES THE COMEBACK.

NOW SHE’S ASKING MICHAEL TO THE ROYAL BALL OR WHATEVER BUT HE SAID NO :(

I have nothing to add here other than to watch this movie

90 MINUTES IN. I DON’T GET HOW EVERYONE IS SUCH A BULLY BUT ANNE HATHAWAY IS MAKING THE MOST RUTHLESS COMEBACK. ANNE HATHAWAY DEFINITELY ON HER WAY TO BECOMING A PRINCESS. ALSO WHY DO THEY KEEP BULLYING A FUCKING PRINCESS.

THE ONLY DUMB PART OF THIS MOVIE IS THAT LETTER FROM ANNE HATHAWAY’S FATHER LIKE IS THAT REALLY ALL IT TAKES FOR HER TO FULLY CHANGE. ALSO THE FACT THAT ANNE HAS TO BE PRINCESS OR ANOTHER COUNTRY WILL TAKE OVER IS SUCH A WILD STAKE IN ALL OF THIS.

NOW ANNE DELIVERING A WILD MONOLOGUE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BALL SHE GOING OFF I GUESS. AND ENDING THAT SHIT WITH HER CLAIMING THE PRINCESS TITLE ALL FOR THE POWER I LOVE IT. AND SHE GOT A LIL TIARA THE FLEX.

AND THEN SHE KISSES MICHAEL AT THE BALL IT ENDS!!

THIS WAS A GREAT MOVIE. LIKE YEAH SURE THERE’S SOME TYPICAL MOVIE THINGS BUT FOR THE PLOT OF THE FILM THAT’S SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO EXPECT WITH THAT (MAKEOVER, DANCING, BALLS, ETC.) ALMOST ALL OF THE CHARACTERS WE’RE HILARIOUS AND DELIVERED SOME WILD LINES AND I WOULD DEFINITELY WATCH THE SEQUEL SOMEDAY.

4/5

Sober Summary

The Princess Diaries earns its title as a classic effortlessly. It is a fresh twist on the coming of age/young-teen movie by still managing to maintain all the tropes we’ve come to know and love. The film is fun and doesn’t take itself too seriously (but not to the point where it’s stupid) and has a lot of common scenes you can find in a lot of other films of its type but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s still a great watch. If you haven’t seen it yet because you absolutely do not watch movies despite how much you love them (me), then I highly recommend you give this one a chance.

4/5