Wash Out Anger and Grief
By: Veda Prajvalan
Tags: Anger, Letting Go, Releasing, Emotional Wellbeing, Grief

Critical to health and well-being are diet and exercise, but also emotional housekeeping and the development of resiliency. When emotions such as anger or grief go unexpressed, they impact physical as well as mental health. I have seen this in my own healing journey, as well as working with many clients on these issues.

Start by acknowledging where you are. So often we can be afraid of showing openly things deemed as “negative” emotions or expressions. Or conversely, some seem resigned to being “an angry person”, “bitter” or “depressed.” Rather than consider appropriate ways of processing and expressing these emotions, they are frequently ignored or suppressed. When not dealt with, they end up “coming out sideways” flaring up inappropriately (displaced intensity, location or audience). As Pema Chodron said, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”

A good way to “take stock” and start processing the emotion and desensitize triggers is to name them. Specifically, use a journal and list them. Perhaps tapping (EFT) or doing a bit of breathwork first to be in a calm, neutral state.

There are a number of effective approaches that assist without considering detail or specificity of triggers, such as energy or breathwork. I recommend these as well. However, many people find clarity and benefit from this exercise. Depending on the intensity of the emotions being worked with, and your experience and comfort level, it can be helpful to “bookend” the exercise by checking in with someone before and after.

As hurt and grief are often hidden under anger, I recommend working with anger first. Physical exercise and dance are great for working that energy out but for this writing exercise, you can warm up by listing things you don’t admire, or are “pet peeves.” You can do a list for yourself, one for family/friends, and one for work/life. These are not stories or full accounts, but rather themes or events you need to heal from to lessen your sensitivity and/or reactivity.

The purpose of this inventory is not to spend time contemplating them or exacerbating your annoyance, but simply to quickly brainstorm and list for a sense of what you are releasing and lightening yourself of and perhaps what may need to be addressed further.

You can take on as little or as much at a time as you’re comfortable with, given your developing tools and support. The important part is to allow yourself the time to identify, process and release these emotions. Thus, avoiding the unpleasant side effects of neglect and “stockpiling” that can wreak havoc on your health and relationships.

The act of creating the lists is, in itself, a ‘purge’ that benefits you as you follow through on your intention to fully release it. I like to add a couple more steps to complete the process by connecting back to the subconscious mind. After you feel a sense of completeness with the list at this time, prepare a place you can safely burn it. If that is not possible, or you simply prefer, you can also rip it up. But before physically destroying and discarding it, you can mentally and energetically release it with some calm (seated or lying down, eyes closed) inner reflection, deep breathing and visualization. I like the image of leaves floating down a stream, each one carrying a grievance or hurt (or anything to be released), the sound of the water soothing and carrying me into the next moment. Some prefer imagining balloons of different colors floating up and away, or raking leaves into a pile and watching them burn…whatever visualization you prefer.

When you feel complete with that releasing process, end by destroying the list and to the degree that you can, the weight of what it represents. You can also imagine more of the emotional charge washing away each time you shower or bathe. This isn’t about releasing things you care about but instead coming from a healed place beyond anger and grief and lessening the intensity along the way. Some wounds may be deep enough that it isn’t fully resolved in one process, but it’s possible to make progress each time and create more space for peace and joy.

Some like to set intentions for what will fill the space created and use visualization or other creative processes to “call in” harmony, love, happiness, calm, gratitude and fulfillment.

Just remember to honor yourself for all that you do to care for yourself and nurture your ability to thrive.