Can You Ever Un-Want Something? (Why Desire Is Permanent)
By: Kelly Fleming
Tags: Self Improvement, Mental Health Awareness, Desire, Self Love, Self-awareness

If you are, or have ever been in this predicament, it may seem like the most obvious solution is to un-want the things you feel you can’t have. But the attempt to do this often leads down a path of denial that thwarts any unseen opportunities for said desire to manifest, even partially. In other words, unless we have outgrown a specific desire through a personal evolution and moved onto even greater desires, we cannot simply expunge a desire from our minds because our inability to achieve it is causing pain.

A Specific Desire Is A Permanent Manifestation Of A Much More General One

It may be helpful to first understand the roots of the thing that we wanted to have or have happen, the more general and underlying desire that caused us to focus on a specific thing or experience that we felt would bring it to us. Relationships, for example, are often a manifestation of our desire to be adored and accepted. At times when relationships feel more distant to us, therefore, it is helpful to take a more introspective approach to the conflict and evaluate the types of acceptance and adoration we may be denying ourselves more generally.

Desire for success in a particular job or on a particular project may be a projection of our desire to feel significant. During the process of working towards succes in that particular field, it may be helpful to find where significance is accessible in the present moment and hoan in on it. Practicing being successful on a smaller scale makes the grand vision feel less out of reach and more in alignment with your current trajectory.

What To Do When You’re Convinced You Can’t Have What You Desire

The first thing to understand is that it is not helpful to “give up” on any particular thing that seems unlikely at the moment. Of course, anything is possible, but that’s not the reason why. It is simply a waste of time to have a funeral for the thing that . We have to make peace with what the current reality while understanding that reality is infinitely greater than the current moments.

It is essentially impossible to set goals without becoming attached to the results. It is our attachment to specific results, however, that causes great pain when they are not as we envisioned. What we can do here is understand how smaller and attainable goals over an extended period of time help us to develop a better sense of how the overall outcome will unfold. Setting smaller goals sharpens our sense of achievement to a point where we can really gauge what it takes to make bigger things happen.

The Purpose Of Desire

Of course, it seems like the purpose of a desire is to serve as an instrument of torture when we cannot attain it. And perhaps this is a fair assessment for one who has tried to let go of many unfulfilled dreams. But the purpose of desire is not to cause agony, it is to be a sort of lighthouse for us trying to navigate the murky waters of everyday. Boredom, adversity, confusion, addiction, depression could all easily become such focal points if we did not have a great desire to gaze at while we move forward. No matter how far away you feel from the things you desire, there is always room to appreciate their existence, for that in and of itself puts you closer to attaining them.