Life finds a way: Nerdy views of Transition and “The One Year Slump”.
By: Allie Keeler
Tags: Journey, Creative, Transitions, LGBT, Transgender

Yes, I know that I look exactly like the kind of nerd that would write this, but hopefully a cute one!!!

One of my very favorite movies as a child was Steven Spielberg's “Jurassic Park” with Jeff Goldblum in arguably one of his most sex-appeal oozing roles as the charismatic mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm who uttered the immortal line “Life, uhh, finds a way”.

To say that this applies to us all-regardless of who we are, where we come from, etc- goes without saying, but I have to keep these particular words in mind almost constantly lately as I begin to ponder the next steps going forward as a Transgender woman living in a Conservative State in a hateful country, surrounded by people who would prefer that I didn’t exist. Admittedly, like many of my brothers and sisters, I have had fleeting thoughts of granting them this wish, but I try to use both a bit of perspective as well as drawing upon whatever inner strength and critical thinking abilities I have in order to keep going.

The Velociraptors and their pen can form an effective analogy for dysphoria breaking free and affecting our course in either a positive way (to exist and live) or negative way (into ruin), as in being ripped to shreds by a T-Rex that embodies everything that stands in our way.

If I go off on a brief tangent and take a moment to unleash my inner nerd, throwing in a dash of creative thought, I could use the analogy of the Velociraptors and their enclosure as a metaphor for life before and during transition. Before I came out as Trans, an observer would see so much of a cover (the foliage, fencing, concrete barriers) that they could barely acknowledge the potential chaos inside as my feelings of dysphoria (we can call that “The Big One”-the lead Raptor) bounced around inside, roaring and screaming in moments of agitation or when all other distractions were insufficient to keep from reminding me that I was truly confined to a cage.

To expand on this analogy a bit before I get to my point-

A large part of society, and sadly our own Presidential Administration is not unlike the park’s game warden, Robert Muldoon who believes that the Raptors should be destroyed, as they are dangerous, uncontrollable, and are perceived as the embodiment of the very chaos that Dr. Malcolm forewarned of. (In a twist of irony, the Raptors ended up out-smarting and destroying Muldoon and showing him who was boss).

“The Big One” -dysphoria- serves as the leader and director of the pack, which could lead the collective body to success or failure, victory or defeat, survival or ruin, or simply point to an objective.

My coming out was the day the power went out and the fences could come down, allowing my metaphorical Velociraptors to venture out into the world for better or worse.

If you have seen this movie, you know that “The Big One” led the Raptors on a path that impacted or interacted with every aspect of the parks ability to function properly, in which they no doubt left a lasting impression on the survivors of the park, but ultimately led the pack to ruin in the form of the jaws of an angry Tyrannosaurus Rex, who crushed the pack leader after a brief struggle, and hurled what was left of it aside before roaring triumphantly.

I am just like that pack of Velociraptors. Powerful. Hungry. Influential. Impressionable. Pliable. Wishing to be free. The Big One is the dysphoria that drives my direction. The T-Rex is the seemingly insurmountable wall in my way that could just as easily crush me as it could ignore me while going back to feasting on hapless humans instead while leaving me alone.

All I truly want is for my own life to find a way. Of course, unlike the Raptors in the film, I do not intend to cause destruction or ruin on anyone. But I would like to go about my course without a T-Rex sized wall of obstacles, self-doubts, frustration or other detrimental things stopping my path. Essentially, that dysphoria can influence us, guide our path, allow for perspective and self development, or it can create a defeated attitude, blind our vision, take away from our goals, or if allowed- can essentially destroy us if we lose sight of our objectives or if we lose focus.