Are you a caregiver during COVID? I’m one and I am exhausted.
By: Jennifer Rose
Tags: Caregiving, Grief, Depression, Prayer, Life

Are you a caregiver during COVID? I’m one and I am exhausted.

**photo of my parents in line to vote in the 2012 US Elections**

In 2017, my now 80 year old mother became a widow. For 47 years, she was married to my father.

Mom is suffering from depression and lack of motivation to move her butt out of bed since my Dad went to glory.

The only reason why she will get out of bed is to go to the bathroom and the occasional walk to the refrigerator to get something to drink if I am sleeping. Usually I am summoned to get her whatever she wants.

The one time she was supposed to get out of the house by herself, she fell and broke her femur (thigh bone) which was 8 months after my Dad died — June 2018.

After having a titanium rod placed in her thigh and not doing her prescribed physical therapy, she has made the choice to stay in bed ALL DAY.

**Mom in her bedroom. Typical day**

My Mom has given up on life since her accident.

From September 2018 until March 2020, I had help with her and in keeping our place somewhat organized.

Since the home stay in April 2020, my biggest issue is that I cannot figure out the best balance of my responsibilities of taking care of her and doing self care for myself.

At this point, getting a good night’s rest is my self care. Also, doing my hair and wearing colorful lip gloss is my self care. Oh..and comfy slippers or slipper socks with grips gives me joy!

When my Mom told me not to leave her side, I still had life responsibilities.

I would travel by train to New York City once a month for a meeting I would have then I would get my hair cut which was followed up with a mani/pedi. This was my monthly routine I looked forward to!

In addition, I would go to a museum, a play and/or a movie and walk around the city. Then, I would return home by train.

My schedule was to do this once a month (Thursday to a Saturday or Thursday to a Sunday or sometimes Thursday to a Monday).

I live in New York City but after my Dad died, I shifted my life to be with my Mom full time. The day that he died she told me not to leave her.

2 days after my Dad died, my Mom had an anxiety attack. I had to have an ambulance come to her home and take her to the ER.

Right now, I have maybe a little bit of this caregiving lifestyle figured out, but it is still a learning curve.

I’m grateful I can be with my Mom 24/7 because there is no one else besides paid help that can assist.

Fortunately, we are able to get almost everything we need delivered. Also, we have neighbors who are gracious enough to get our mail and packages.

We live in an apartment building. I don’t like leaving my Mom at all.

She almost fell once, and I had to call 911. I thought she had a stroke. This was back in April 2020 when this happened.

EMT came and checked out her vitals in her bedroom. She refused to go to the hospital. They realized she was fine and told me to call if something else occurred.

This is why I do not leave her in fear that if she falls that she may not be able to get up.

I was in her apartment when she fell and broke her femur in 2018, and fortunately I was with her the second time she almost fell in April 2020.

I’m the only child of my parents.

On top of all this, I have been dealing with getting our business affairs in order. She has her will, but still there is so much more I need to get done.

Before COVID hit, I had planned to deal with a family situation we have to handle in another state. Fortunately, my Mom’s 81 year old brother might handle it.

My Mom and her brother don’t have the best relationship, but they tolerate each other. We shall see if he can handle this task. He’s in great shape. He doesn’t look his age!

The key that I am learning in all this is my daily routine with her.

My problem most of the time are her meals.

We don’t order from restaurants anymore for a variety of reasons. I cook all of our meals, but in the past few weeks, we have tried a few meal kits.

I’m staying optimistic despite her being so stubborn.

I have tried literally everything to improve her spirits — therapy (telehealth sessions) she quit, movies (not interested most of the time), she will read a good book, new bed sheets, new blanket, new pajamas and we recently started getting the newspaper delivered.

What she loves the most is to EAT!

Praying for a better 2021!