Prepping your child for a new dog
By: Shamontiel L. Vaughn
Tags: Dogs, Pets, Parenthood, Dog Training, Siblings

I see this happen all the time, including during my house-sitting days pre-COVID-19 (and before I was the condo association president and debated my way into getting rid of the no-dog policy). I remember house-sitting and dog-sitting for a 15-year-old Golden Retriever. When I stepped in the door, the dog was wary of me and ice-grilled me. His hearing was gone, but his sight was razor sharp. Eventually though, he let me pet him.

Photo credit: Michael Glass/Unsplash

My eyebrow raised when I heard the dog growl at the owner’s daughter, who was maybe about 7 or 8. She copied me and tried to pet him, too. While I expected there to be a warm-up period with a total stranger, the dog clearly was tolerating my touch far more. My client (her mother) immediately reminded the girl, “Gentle. Remember how I said you have to be gentle?” From that observation alone, I could tell that this dog and the daughter had a rocky relationship. I was not surprised to find out that both of them often competed for their “parent’s” affection. Both dogs and children have a rough time understanding that they can be friends instead of competitors. And if they’re not made to feel that way early on, expect sibling rivalry to start.

Here are some tips for parents (or guardians) who want to help their dogs and children get along.

Photo credit: Solstice Hannan/Unsplash

Never let the child think poking the dog or poking her fingers in crates is a game. When a dog is in a confined space already and cannot get out, or at least move, the last thing it wants to do is feel like it’s being cornered. Make sure your child understands that when the dog is in the crate, it’s hands-off time until you’re ready for the dog to run freely.

Never let a child take food away from a dog. When my mother was about 6 or 7, her grandmother asked her to throw away a meat bone. She threw it out, but my mother didn’t catch it successfully. The family bulldog saw that as an opportunity to eat it. My mother reached for the bone. The bulldog nipped at her hand, and she jumped back. Her grandmother grabbed a broom to make sure the bulldog didn’t do anything else, and he took off with the bone. I was surprised that my mother wasn’t scared of dogs after that. Her “fear” lasted two days before she went right back to playing with the dog. (He later had to be taken by the pound because the bulldog did not react well to her grandfather dying. It’s still unclear whether the bulldog knew her grandfather died or was he just missing his two-legged best friend. He just did not handle the death well.)

Both dog trainers and veterinarians will often warn people to never compete with a dog and food. Some dogs are very territorial about food while others will huff off. Know who you’re dealing with ahead of time. Puppies have 28 baby teeth, and adult dogs have 42 permanent teeth. Humans have 20 as babies and 32 permanent teeth. Let the living being with more teeth win the food fight. While this should not stop dog owners from learning the “leave it” technique or trying to distract the dog with something else, do not let the dog and the child end up battling over any food ever. Dogs have elephant memories and can too easily consider the kid a threat if this is done repeatedly. With that said, I was assigned to feed Shep treats and food all the time as a child. But he was fully aware that I was a regular feeder, not there to take his food from him so we were always pretty cool.

Teach the child how to pet, not beat, a dog’s head and body. Just like a kid doesn’t want to be smacked around, neither does a dog. This can be confusing for children who see adult owners roughhousing with a dog and think that’s “normal” to do. Generally speaking, unless you want a rough dog — who will often become mouthy and can seriously hurt you — both adults and children should pet a dog with ease. New “touch” of any kind takes some getting used to. If you’ve ever seen an adult dog at a groomer to get a haircut, bath or to get his nails cut, you already know the dog will tense up. Unless this is a dog who is used to being around lots of children, expect the dog to be a little wary of new hands, too.

Let the child walk the dog early on. I have walked 77 dogs, and there are at least five who were just too strong for me to continue walking. The bigger the dog, the stronger it is. The more you let the dog pull you around as a puppy, the more likely that that dog will view that behavior as acceptable as an adult. And your child doesn’t stand a chance of ever being able to control the dog if it becomes a puller. Early on, both the child and the dog need to get used to being around each other outside. You don’t want the child to be getting dragged down the street or almost choking the dog to keep him under control. Practice and teaching the child all the same training techniques you know could diminish dog walking problems considerably.

Make sure both understand whose toys are whose. Dogs are as guilty as kids, and the four-legged “kids” are notorious for chewing on everything. Make sure that both the dog and the child(ren) know not to chew on or break each other’s toys. If that means the child can only play with toys in one area of the house while the dog’s toys are in another, so be it. Choking hazards are an issue for both parties, so it’s important to watch them play with anything that could be misunderstood as a chew toy.

Don’t let the child or the dog exhaust each other. If you’ve been around two human siblings, you’ve heard one shout “Quit playing” or “You play too much!” That usually means that the other has tired of whatever game is going on. However, a dog’s way of saying this is to bark or growl. As soon as you hear that, the game is over. But dogs will usually show signs of irritation early on, usually by just running or walking away. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to realize when the dog has had enough or the child has had enough. Separate the two immediately, or at least make the playful one knock it off.