How to Live Alone During a Pandemic
By: Heather Bates
Tags: Loneliness, Covid-19, Isolation, Pandemic, Fatigue Management

My list of ways to find joy.

The Sitch

When the pandemic began, as a public health professional and trained social worker, I knew in my gut that it would be a long period of time before I would see friends and family again. Three days before that Friday the 13th in March, I had a strong hunch that Governor Newsom was going to shut down our state because all signs pointed to it. Knowing this does not mean I blazed a trail of glory into solitude. Between still shedding gutwrenching tears from losing my mom last year, to the sheer fear for the health and well-being of my sister who lives in a nursing home in the middle of the country (and did get COVID-19), my emotional being was going to need some extreme TLC.

But given all the pain and havoc 2020 has wreaked on most of us, I have learned a few things since March that I wanted to share. This is a list of tools, tips, and products that are helping me through this extremely difficult time. I am reaching out to tell you first and foremost, that you are not alone, even when it feels like no one else cares. Believe me when I tell you that it is possible that someone you have never met is caring for you right now — all the way from her living room in Sacramento.

The Disclaimer

I am sure you have some tools and tips you are using to get through this pandemic. Maybe you’re like me and binging Golden Girls. There are many of us living all alone during this pandemic, while some have roommates, relationships, and families they live close to or with. This list is based on my experience living all alone, working remotely full-time, and not having any access to my family who live thousands of miles away since the beginning of this pandemic. None of the products I mention here are endorsements. These are just my personal preferences. This list is not exhaustive and it is not a holy grail of ideas either. These are the things that are helping me during this time and I feel compelled to share them in case they help you through this, too.

The List

Photo by Heather Bates

Guided Imagery: Do this as often as you need to for at least one minute. Get a beautiful picture and choose a place you have been to, or a place you want to go when this is over, take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions: What does it feel like to be here? What does it smell like to be here? What do you see? Who is with you? What do you hear? What do you look forward to doing here? What will you have for dinner? You can record these questions and play them to make more of a boundary around doing this activity to calm your mind.

I go to Hawai’i in my mind. Included here is a picture that I took three years ago.

Gratitude Journaling: Every day write down at least three things you are grateful for but don’t stop there if you have more than three! Do not stress about finding things to be grateful for either. Don’t judge yourself. My list yesterday consisted of 1) cuddles from my cat 2) watching the Twilight Zone movie and 3) sleeping late. At the end of each week, choose one thing that was amazing for the week. Last week for me, it was feeding ducks.

Get a Belief System: I joined a church three years ago and I am so glad that I did. Now those weekly group calls are a port in this lonely storm, but if you have not, churches are meeting online now and they are always a great place to start a non-work-related connection. Did I mention that I am shy? I have learned that through prayer, I no longer feel alone. Since the pandemic, I have been tracking when prayers get answered and so far, it’s 97 times in 2020.

Play Video Games: It’s true! If you don’t want to invest in a system like PlayStation, use your SmartPhone. I play scrabble on my phone with people all over the country now and my word game is strong. I started out with a score of below 100 and now I can usually eke out a 400 point score. Find me on WordFeud.

Essential Oils: I use DoTerra Copaiba oil for angst and anxiety.

Try Adaptogens: If you are like me, you want a beverage at the end of a long day. In my career the happy hour was standard. Drinking alcohol daily is just not a realistic or healthy option now. Try non-alcoholic adaptogens! For example, I drink Kin and Curious Elixirs.

Almond Flour Silver Dollar Pancakes

Cook One New Dish a Week: My latest learning curve is to make fluffy almond flour low carb pancakes. After many failed attempts, it seems the silver dollar size is the best option for fluff.

Cuddle Your Pets: They are going through this pandemic, too.

Meditate: I use the MyLife Meditation app. It’s free and offers short meditations based on your mood.

Listen to Books: When you live alone, you don’t hear chatter, and if no one is talking with you that you live with, using Audible can be a way of hearing soothing voices or learning new things. I suffer from over productivity and multi-tasking, listening to books helps me feel less alone, and learn at the same time.

Zoom Fatigue is Real: Sick of looking at yourself all day? Turn off the option to see yourself. Right-click on your video image and select “Hide Myself.” Do it. It is life-changing.

Me 2020

Can’t Sleep? Try ASMR: I discovered ASMR role plays years ago. Go exploring. Some to follow include Gentle Whispering, Amalzd, Atmosphere, and Latte.

Get Dressed Every Day: I wake up and get ready every day. I change my clothes into pajamas at the end of every day. This does not mean I wear pants with buttons. It just means I’ve invested in some different cozy sweaters using StitchFix and some updated brighter colors (instead of my usual black) that look good on video calls like mustard yellow and maroon.

These are just some of the things I am doing to help offset the loneliness that can sink in during this time. When you’re feeling lonely remember this time will end and that we are in this together even when we can’t be together.