“What Was That?”
By: Sunshine Zombiegirl
Tags: Humor, Dogs, Fiction, Short Story, Funny

Author picture Jan 2019

Dog, or Mister Dog as he liked to be called, lazily lounged on the heat vent. That Mama person liked to keep the inside just warm enough that he needed extra fur attached, so he’d learned to listen for the dog-pitched whine of the belly warmer. Mister Dog would relax on the pointy metal for as long as he could take the heat. He luxuriated in the warmth on his tummy until he vibrated with heat. That Mama person didn’t seem to understand why he ran from her lap every time the belly warmer came on.

Of course, she also didn’t understand the feathered presents that he left on the floor, either, but he knew he was the best boy despite her screams and the rapid disposal of his presents. He was certain she was saving them for later just like he enjoyed them. She hadn’t yet found the stash in his bed.

He stretched and yawned. His tummy was just starting to get past the comfortable point when he’d need to get up.

Wait. What was that strange noise?

Comfort forgotten, he ran instinctively into the kitchen. It was the sound of a door squeaking open, he was certain of it. Food, maybe? That Mama person wasn’t home (and oh, boy, was he mad at her about it!), so who was getting him his favorite four letter f-word?

That’s when he slid mid-run into the kitchen. Stopped dead. Because there wasn’t a scent and the door was open. Something flickered at the edge of his attention, but when his eyes tried to focus on it, nothing was there. No perfume, no creature, no one.

He slunk backwards out of the kitchen, growling softly. Mister Dog wasn’t sure what was happening, but he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

He hop-jumped onto the couch and climbed his way onto the armrest, then balance-walked his way across the back where he could lie down and look out the window while keeping his nose and ears facing the kitchen. Time clicked forward like it always did in the silence, and he slowly let down his guard and closed his eyes. His ears maintained their alert status as was their nature.

Author picture May 2019

BAM!

He hopped up on the top of the couch so fast he nearly fell off. Mister Dog wobbled for a few minutes as he got his bearings, his ruff up, rumbling low in his throat. No movement from the kitchen. No one there. But a new familiar scent. Food?

He launched himself off of the couch and scrambled into the kitchen. His dog food spilled from the container where the door stood open. A few furtive glances told him that he was all alone with a bountiful feast. And it was there all for him. Mister Dog took a few deep sniffs, ears laid back for the widest range of hearing, and eyes looking outward as he started gobbling. After all, free food was free nummies.

He ate until his tummy was uncomfortably full, distended. There were plenty of kibbles still on the floor and in the container — free for him to nosh on when he felt hungry again. Mister Dog wagged happily, then groaned as he waddled his way to the couch. Hopping up was a lot more difficult, but he managed it with a small struggle of wild scrambling limbs, back onto the couch.

His full belly lured him into drowsiness. His eyes shut — it wouldn’t hurt to take a little nap. Would it?

He had no idea how long had passed when he jerked out from sleep.

“WHAT DID YOU DO, YOU BAD DOG!”

Try as he might, he boggled at the reaction of That Mama person. Why was she so upset? His body immediately slunk into the “please forgive me, I was bad” pose. That’s when the smell hit him. His eyes refocused on the feathers strewn across the floor to the rug. Was that his snack? Encircled by feathers lay his favorite catch like an offering. Oh, no. This was terrible. That Mama person would throw his prize away thoughtlessly.

Another definable smell hit him, and as That Mama person glared, he slunk into the kitchen. His food was where he’d left it uneaten, but the trash. Oh. NO.

Wet, smelly trash decorated the entire floor.

Oh, this was soooo awful, Mister Dog whined as his tail lightly thumped the dirty vinyl floor.

That Mama person yanked him into her arms, and he yipped in surprise.

“What did you do? Perrito malo!” That Mama person calling him names was always bad news.

He whimpered as his stomach lurched.

That Mama person was giving vent in words that he didn’t understand and didn’t want to. But oh, no, he didn’t feel so good. And That Mama person wouldn’t stop moving him around.

He opened his mouth to say something, and his stomach rebelled completely. Dog food splattered everywhere. The contents of his stomach emptied completely onto the already filthy floor.

That Mama person’s tirade halted as she sighed. “Let’s put you outside, Mister Dog. You can come in when you feel better, and I’m done cleaning up this mess.”

She headed to the door, gently carrying him now so that as he peeked over her shoulder he finally caught sight of the scentless creature that wreaked so much havoc while he was in a food stupor.

The little girl waved and blinked completely out of view.

Mister Dog sighed deeply on That Mama person’s shoulder and vowed to never fall for those tricks next time...oh! A squirrel!

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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© Sunshine Zombiegirl 2019