Feeling like it ain’t Christmas?. Many fond Christmas memories hail from…
By: Margaret Shear
Tags: Christmas, Daughters, Prayer, Faith

Many fond Christmas memories hail from my childhood- which seems a million years ago, yet at the same time not all that far away. Well even into my late teen years, when I thought I knew oh-so-much more than any veteran adult, I adored my Mom’s effort exercised in making our house look like the North Pole had puked all over the damn place and my Dad’s bringing out every single one of his favorite artists’ Christmas albums to spin repetitiously on the Hi-Fi. Yes, I’m that old, but just stuff your stocking, won’t you? I’m waxing nostalgia here, so cut me some fruitcake slack, please. And Christmas with Buck Owens and the Buckeroos always spun on that turntable, so hearing any of those tracks from that vinyl automatically smacks of a reminiscence that’s second to none.

Except when it doesn’t. Like when it’s a holiday season that’s been peppered with unsavory Covid commotion and family court related kerfuffle, it just doesn’t. Especially when track 3 came through the aforementioned Buck Owens playlist: “Christmas Ain’t Christmas.” I paused and I listened.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkfxwmSEKXQ

So there I was… motionless, perplexed, paralyzed. And then I had myself a mini-pity-party. As expected, yet sadly, it wasn’t pretty. See, I’ve not seen my teen daughter since mid-July, even then only for nine whole minutes. Of course I’ve tried to phone and FaceTime; I’ve sent emails and video recordings; I have texted religiously with happy thoughts, fond-photo memories, and general good cheer.

Since the second session with the court-appointed mediator in October was stopped in its tracks by opposing side, a guardian ad litem (GAL) is investigating our family court case. I had a Covid-safe phone conference with said GAL on December 10th, pleading for meaningful intervention on behalf of the court to help my child. My ex had his scheduled GAL conference two days ago. I had hoped — between those sessions — that some modicum of common-sense and holiday happiness would avail opportunity to see my daughter during my designated holiday parenting time, especially since I haven’t had one iota of my regular parenting time since early March.

Alas, no such luck. Despite my kind inquiries and requests to see my girl, she continues to respond in short, stabbing replies that she will not spend any time with me. I use the term “stabbing” on purpose, cuz that’s what feels like has happened to my fucking heart and soul. I’ve been gutted, cored, cut down to a sad remnant of my former self. It hurts and it hurts bad- even more so during the holidays. To say every day is painful is not hyperbole.

But yet, I don’t like feeling bad. I mean, c’mon, who does? So after the mini-pity party brought on by Buck Owens, I shook off the Woe-Is-Me melancholia and did what I needed to do: get busy, and get busy fast! I shopped, I cleaned, I prepped all the stuff for tomorrow’s Christmas Dinner. I also poured an old-fashioned (or two). We are supposed to eat, drink, and be merry, after all, yes?

And then I prayed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8DGuvab_Lc

I asked God to send His Love and His Light to my daughter, for I miss her more than I’m capable of expressing (and that’s saying something, cuz I never shut up). I asked God for a miracle, that she’d find it in her heart to reconsider her decision about spending time with her family — her family who loves her, who adores her, who misses her — not only tomorrow but all the other days that follow. Yet I know I should not question God’s Will, and I know I must remain faithful. So I’ll just give thanks for all the wonderful goodness I do have, right in front of me, during Christmas and always.

And I’ll embrace the promise God delivered to me, to all of us: He loved us so much He gave us His only begotten Son. And *that* truly is gift and miracle enough for me. It should be for you, too.

So despite any difficulties you may be facing, just embrace the Reason for the Season and you’ll have no problem putting your head on the pillow tonight or any night. You know you can rest easy at the close of this and all days for doing the right things for the right reasons. And you can give thanks that God gives you grace to face another day, another obstacle, another opportunity to operate with integrity, and above all else, to be the best possible you that you can be. I know I’ll never quit trying…

Merry Christmas and Joy to the World!