Cancel the Magazine.
By: Lisa Martens
Tags: Humor, Social Media, Beauty, Society, Satire

Cancel the Magazine.

Who is watching your social media highlight reel?

Photo by Alexandra K on Unsplash

Hi. Hi you. Yes you.

You were always over the top. You really looked like a model in your IG photos. You had the angles, the sunglasses, the big hats, and the shiny…reflector…light…disc thing. You did it all.

Okay, I must admit that before the pandemic, we were all sort of like you a little bit.

Things were changing, but it was slow.

Your skin was always flawless, your waist snatched. You always cropped out any girls who could be considered prettier than you. There’s a photo of you at the racetrack, at the opera, in front of the Met, on a boat in front of a tropical island, and on a throne being held up by shirtless men.

I just need to know: Who is this magazine for?

Your determination to be perfect carried over into the pandemic — Silly photos of you baking bread, crafting your own cocktails, and, toward the end of summer, a properly-timed black tile with a simple #BLM hashtag. You know, nothing too controversial. Just something to let people know you care.

You’d never think of posting anything openly critical of the police, of the military, of the government.

Your social media is so…corporate. But you’re not promoting anything. You’re not making any points. From what I can tell, you’re not making any money.

I’ve been around you long enough to know it isn’t for fun. At first, I thought it was just sort of like a hobby.

But you don’t have fun. You take the same photo 30, 40, 50 times. It ruins your whole day. You’re snarky when you see a woman who is thinner than you are. You’re snarky when you see a woman who is bigger than you are…and is more successful. You’re not with this new body positivity movement…you talk about 90s and early 00s models with adoration, you know, “back when you had to really work for it.”

By that I think you mean “starve.”

Does it bother you that your attitude is…old? That your perfect social media ages you? That it’s a sign that you’re no longer with it? That you’re dating yourself…and becoming everything you feared you’d become? Does that ever cross your mind?

Your reluctance to download new apps like TikTok is telling…you think you’ve mastered the art of social media, but now there are people getting famous just by being silly. By embracing their bodies. By being themselves. Does it make you mad that they enjoy their lives and have a following? Does it make you feel better to pretend to be above it all?

The pandemic has accelerated the trend. People are more open about their beliefs, about therapy, about overcoming their eating disorders and enjoying sex. Everyone sees your account and the effort you put into it…and everyone knows it’s not real. We have all the same filters, all the same apps, all the same technology.

We can all look like plastic dolls if we wanted to.

For your own mental health — If this isn’t fun or stress-relieving for you, you can stop. You can stop trying to be perfect on camera. Everything is hard for everyone right now. I don’t know who or what you’re doing this for…It sort of made sense when you were in your early 20s and trying to become an IG model, but I don’t think that’s your goal anymore…and also, the market has changed.

People want to see weakness, vulnerability, flaws.

When everyone can be photoshopped to “perfection,” that standard becomes meaningless.

This perfection is a weight you’ve been carrying that’s far more damaging than a few pounds on your hips.

You have beautiful freckles that no one sees. You have a front tooth that is slightly crooked. You have great facial expressions, but you go into model-pose mode online, and all of that is lost.

Basically, I miss you — the real you.

Please, if you can — Cancel the magazine.