3 Semesters Through & A Year in Review
By: Joshua Goh
Tags: University, Self Improvement, Reflections, Self-awareness

1. Of Rest & Sabbath

Perhaps one of the most radical changes I’ve made this semester would be keeping to a weekly sabbath. In essence, this would mean setting aside a day of the week to simply REST (sounds simple enough… but not quite). This practice originates from Christianity and Judaism, but there are also secular variants like corporate sabbatical leave (extended leave for employees to recharge personally or professionally).

Going back to the idea of “resting” for a day once a week, it soon becomes apparent that keeping to such a practice is easier said than done. Being a typical “kiasu” (meaning “afraid to lose” in colloquial Singlish) Singaporean, a recurring thought I had was whether I would be “losing out” to my peers by studying/working a day less. Having a truckload of weekly tutorials/assignments/labs as a d̶r̶o̶w̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ Computing student meant that even if I wasn’t afraid of losing out, the sheer workload made such a practice tough. With good reason, a friend who heard about my peculiar practice also asked whether I was worried that others would “overtake” me academically as I rested (oh the fear of the mighty bell curve is real).

These thoughts occasionally led me to question if having a sabbath was really worth it, but for faith-based reasons, I (largely) kept to it and didn’t regret my decision. While that same friend suggested the alternative of having a smaller break daily, I knew I could still be worrying about work even during those moments of rest. There just seems to be something unique about having a full day to rest. It meant being able to choose to do what I felt recharged me, whether it meant going for long walks or however long I wanted on the piano. Saturdays thus became a day without worries that I looked forward to each week and where I took a slower pace of life amidst the hecticness around me.

why are they all frowning ded

That being said, what I allowed myself to do on my Saturdays was also something I had to consider carefully. Would packing my Saturdays full with events and social gatherings/activities or bingeing Netflix for hours on end honour my Sabbath? These activities would not usually be associated with work but neither did they give true rest. While all academic work was understandably a no-go, there were grey area activities like prep work for student exchange programmes or internship applications. I soon realised these activities could also potentially bring stress or worry (especially over their outcome) and decided that I had to be careful if I chose to do them on Saturdays. They were only to take up a set amount of time at most, and nothing more.

Moving forward, having a sabbath is something that I’ll definitely continue to do. It may be hard to put aside work for a day, but doing so has proven its worth to me and perhaps it may do the same for you also.

Before I end off my observations on rest, I’ll share an excerpt from an article by the late Clayton Christensen titled “How Will You Measure Your Life”. It speaks volumes.

I played on the Oxford University varsity basketball team… It turned out the championship game was scheduled to be played on a Sunday. I had made a personal commitment to God at age 16 that I would never play ball on Sunday. Every one of the guys on the team came to me and said, “You’ve got to play. Can’t you break the rule just this one time?” In many ways that was a small decision — involving one of several thousand Sundays in my life. In theory, surely I could have crossed over the line just that one time and then not done it again. But looking back on it, resisting the temptation whose logic was “In this extenuating circumstance, just this once, it’s OK” has proven to be one of the most important decisions of my life. Why? My life has been one unending stream of extenuating circumstances. Had I crossed the line that one time, I would have done it over and over in the years that followed. The lesson I learned from this is that it’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time. If you give in to “just this once,” based on a marginal cost analysis…you’ll regret where you end up. You’ve got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.

2. Of Plans and Ambition

Having been in university for more than a year, I had the opportunity to observe the mindsets of my peers as I interacted with them. Some knew full well what they wanted to do upon graduation (and were perhaps even clearer on the lifestyle they wanted). Some were aware of the stiff competition (both from locals and from abroad) and decided to start preparing themselves for their careers early. Others were l̶u̶r̶e̶d̶/̶m̶i̶s̶l̶e̶d̶/̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶c̶u̶m̶b̶e̶d̶ into multi-level marketing (MLM) schemes and their equivalents. And of course, there were those who just wanted to enjoy their time in university and worry about the things ahead later on.

While I had previously written about my own experience in chasing after internships, it took me a while to acknowledge that I had done so out of fear. I had believed that by stacking these work experiences on my CV I would be able to make up for my academic weakness and stay ahead of the pack. Yet doing so had only caused me to worry each time things didn’t go as planned.

We often think that the trajectory of our lives has to follow some kind of upward linear trend. Few people would like to think that they would be worse off than they currently are five years from now. But perhaps things will not always go as planned no matter how hard we try. Perhaps we should stop to consider what is it that we are really working towards? A materialistic pursuit can only go so far.

the higher you climb the harder you can fall

Not too long ago, I came across two articles that shared some wisdom and insight and are worth a read (via the links). One gave a stark reminder on the fragility of life (the author being a 26-year old woman diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer) while the other gave practical handles on handling money (from a Christian perspective).

With that, I found myself reevaluating what my own goals were. Was it really necessary to land a job that pays a five-figure salary so as to have a fancy home/car? Will I be contented with a simpler lifestyle? Would you?

3. Of Envy

Strangely, I only knew of the difference between jealousy and envy this year. All along I assumed they were one and the same but they actually describe different situations.

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another. Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person. Envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something.

Just like pretty much everyone else, there were definitely moments in my life where I had wished I was more like … / could have … (which I now know describes envy). These thoughts were simply brushed aside as normal and countered with the general wisdom of not comparing myself with others. Yet when I saw for myself how envy had manifested, it hit like a truck (not that I have actually been hit by a truck n̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶).

the sash should have been labelled envy btw

Over the past few months, some friends had shared with me about their successes/achievements, many of which were things that I had also hoped for myself. While I congratulated them upon hearing the news, deep down my initial thought was usually, “God, why couldn’t that have been me?”. It’s scary to think that I struggled to be genuinely happy even for close friends if they had first achieved what I hoped to have. As I reflected further, I decided to observe how did others handle the good news of people around them even if they were still waiting for similar things themselves.

In particular, I noticed the (consistent) response of a friend as she handled the good news of another friend getting married. While she also desired for herself to be attached and eventually married, it was visibly clear (at least to me), that she was genuinely happy for her friend’s upcoming wedding. It was clear that her actions spoke louder than the congratulatory words she responded with, as said friend then organized collective wishes and a group gift for her friend. She was present at the wedding and was probably there to help out as well.

While I didn’t ask her directly how she dealt with envy, she indirectly shared that it boiled down to where her anchor and assurance was found. While she may/may not have wrestled with envy, for her it was her faith that “God knew what was best for her at each season of her life”. That gave her the option to place her trust and joy in something/someone that was unwavering.

Having observed this, my own takeaway was that perhaps we each need an anchor. This could mean anything to anybody, but I roughly knew what it meant to me. The human “heart” is deceitful above all things and perhaps my initial thought upon hearing the good news of others might still contain a tinge of envy. But having been made aware of envy, I would know better to hold fast to my own anchor and to genuinely rejoice for those around me.

Closing Thoughts:

I previously alluded to life being like a race or like balancing on a tightrope, and perhaps now I’ll also describe it as a garden. We each have a “garden” (̶y̶e̶s̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶q̶u̶e̶e̶z̶y̶ ̶S̶i̶n̶g̶a̶p̶o̶r̶e̶)̶ and we all want to bear fruit. Some of us have gardens that resemble orchards or plantations while some barely have a tree growing, but there’s no need to compare with your neighbour’s garden.

literally trashy neighbours

Yet, if your neighbour’s garden has weeds or is on fire (̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶?̶)̶, let him/her know in a manner that is helpful. If we are constantly stressed, lack rest or don’t even know what fruits we are growing we won’t make good farmers. If we focused on weeding what’s in our garden and on bearing our own fruits maybe we will all be a step closer to having joy. But even then, this garden is not forever.

“Hold everything earthly with a loose hand, but grasp eternal things with a death-like grip.” Charles H. Spurgeon

S.D.G.

JG