5 Lessons I have Learned from Studying People
By: Kofoworola Afolabi
Tags: Life Lessons, Learning, People, Life, Beyourself

Letting go of my expectations of other people: I expect a lot from myself, but the problem here is that I also expect a lot from other people. Observing people has allowed me realized that people are more focused on themselves and are honestly trying their best, so having expectations of people is selfish and unrealistic. Having high expectations of people can also create unnecessary tension in relationships. Letting go of my expectations of people has allowed me to be easier on myself and other people; it has also allowed me to accept people’s flaws and compliment their strengths.

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.” — Lisa Kleypas

2. Behaviors have motivational factors: There is always an underlying cause for people’s actions. Listening to the nuances in people’s statements has exposed me to the gateway of these motivational factors. These motivational factors include upbringing, childhood experiences, relationships. Getting an insight into these motivational factors has allowed me to change the way I view my relationships and has allowed me to polish my interpersonal and intrapersonal communication skills. Understanding that there is always an underlying cause for people’s actions lets me make better and informed decisions.

“Human beings do things for a reason, even if sometimes it’s the wrong reason.” — Tom Hanks

3. Be kind to everyone even when it is inconvenient: This ties into the second point. I am aware that people are suffering in one shape or form because of my understanding of the second point. Suffering alone is a leading motivational factor for people’s reactions and actions. I have learned to be kinder and understanding, even when it is inconvenient. The most important benefit is that I help alleviate situations that could have been detrimental. Being kind creates a cascade effect of kind people.

“When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they’ll remember and be kind to someone else. And it’ll become like a wildfire.” — Whoopi Goldberg

4. There is an overpowering personality trait in every successful person: One consistency I have seen in studying successful people is that there is one personality trait that seems to be the driving force for their success in the first place. This discovery has made me realize that I tend to ignore my personality strengths and focus more on eliminating my weaknesses; I could be focusing on sharpening a personality strength of mine that could essentially change my life for the better. For example, one of my personality strengths is being a good conversationalist. I focus on trying to eliminate my weaknesses instead of becoming an even better conversationalist. In reality, I am human, so I will never be perfect; therefore, rather than criticize my shortcomings, I could strengthen my positives.

“Concentrate on your strengths, instead of your weaknesses…on your powers, instead of your problems.” — Paul J Meyer

5. Humans are inherently selfish: I have observed that, ultimately, people are selfish. Altruism might seem selfless face-value, but on a deeper level, it is all out of self-interest. I don’t think being inherently selfish is a bad thing as it is necessary for survival. People that are of service to others are, ultimately, of service because of a desire to fill up an internal longing of being useful and being instrumental in human empowerment.

“We make allowance for a certain degree of selfishness in men; because we know it to be inseparable from human nature, and inherent in our frame and constitution.” — David Hume.

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