Ho Ho Ho, I Don’t Know: Is Santa a No-Go?
By: Meera Agarwalla
Tags: Santa Claus, Christmas, Toddlers, Gifts, Gratitude

I know, I sound like the meanest grinch in all the land. But hear me out. For most people, Christmas is either about one of two things: the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ or the addictive nature of consumer America. I’m not here to question the former. For me, Christmas wasn’t about either of those since December happened to be the best weather to visit India and my family camped out there until New Years. There was no snow or mistletoe, no Christmas trees or Santa Claus, and my family never exchanged gifts. India wasn’t globally aware of the Christmas mania it is today and as long as we were sheltered in our lofty apartment with the warm breeze, for all we knew, we could have been in Savannah in the summertime.

In my mid-twenties, we stopped visiting India together every year since my grandparents were no longer alive. We still didn’t exchange gifts, but Christmas became a time when our childhood friends returned home and reconnected. When friends and family gathered and we stayed up way too late and made Taco Bell runs and played board games. To me, Christmas was a feeling. Feelings of family, cozy pajamas, too much laughter, even more food, a spirit of giving, celebrating the year’s accomplishments and creating resolutions for the next year. I don’t have a problem with gift giving per se, granted that it’s not excessive to the point of getting a White Elephant for your sister in law’s dog. The belief in seeing a grandpa-like figure flying around the world on reindeer dropping presents upon presents down every chimney is also arguably a magical fantasy for children. What I have an issue with, however, is that this is the natural and sole motivation for children’s focus on the holiday.

Weeks and days and hours of kids thinking about their material wants and how to optimize for more. In a world where we are privileged to have enough- enough for survival, enough for the needs we have and the wants we wish, could we spend our time more focused on gratitude and giving rather than Santa and sleigh bells? My husband and I skipped presents for our older daughter’s first Christmas, because she was six months and let’s be honest, she was much more likely to play with the box and not the toys that come in it. I was pregnant for her second Christmas and having her race around a rented beach house with our families seemed like present enough to me (I’m sure I’m really racking up the motherhood points here). What we did do instead, was begin making peanut butter sandwiches for the homeless and passing them out near our downtown. This tradition was more in line with the lesson I wanted her to understand about the holiday season. By the time her third Christmas came around, I didn’t push the notion since she didn’t seem very interested. By her fourth this year, we were busy with a move across state, she was out of school (and out of the sphere of toddler influence), so I was genuinely curious if she knew or cared about Santa when the middle of December passed and she hadn’t said a word. “Do you know who Santa is?” I asked her delicately. “Yeah- he’s a guy who gives you lots of presents” she replied matter of factly. I was a little taken aback. “Do you want presents?” I asked carefully. “No I don’t really need them” she responded. (Of course, when I asked her to repeat it on the record, she switched her tune immediately). “What if Mama & Papa get you and Radha (baby sister) one present each because you guys are such sweet, loving girls and we are very proud of you?” I asked instead. Her face lit up for the positive recognition and she nodded excitedly.

There is undoubtedly a special enchantment around Christmas. However, I think the magic has less to do with the consumption of wanting more and more to do with the rush of oxytocin you get when you serve others, do random acts of kindness, and spend quality time with your family. I want to make the holidays special for my kids and reinforce their good behavior, but I’m just not sure that gifts and Santa are the best way to do that. Admittedly, I worry that I’m depriving my kids of the magnetism of the holiday, but when I heard my four year old tell me this morning “I don’t need toys, I’d like to make sandwiches for the homeless” I feel that the gift of empathy is far greater than anything I could have ever paid.