5 Tricks to Single Parent Me Time
By: Wendy Miller
Tags: Self, Self Care, Parenting, Me, Single Moms

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: self-care is critical for single parents. When you’re doing a job meant for two as a solo act, you’re also getting double the stress and frustration. So it’s also doubly important that you make time for yourself without the kids and all the responsibilities of being a parent.

Of course, the inherent problem in that is that as a single parent, while you may need time without the kids and responsibilities of parenting, you’re also in the least likely position to be able to get that.

Or are you?

Over the years, I’ve learned a few simple tricks to ensure that I get the time I need as a single parent. And now I want to share them with you so you can get the time you need.

Trick #1: Talk to others who can help you find or make that time

As a single parent, it’s easy to feel like you’re all alone with no one to help you — especially if your child’s other parent is MIA. And when you feel like you’re all alone, the idea of finding time for yourself that isn’t stolen minutes after the kids are in bed or while they’re at school seems so impossible that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

But chances are, you’re not as alone as you think. Do you have family close by? What about friends? What about your kids — do they have friends with parents you could get to know better? What about your neighbors? Maybe you live near a sweet older lady who doesn’t get to see her grandchildren that often?

Even your regular childcare provider might be interested in a few extra bucks from an off-hours babysitting gig.

Consider the people in your life who can help you find and/or make time for yourself. And don’t tell yourself they would refuse or that it’s too much of an imposition on them. The truth is, you probably have at least 2–3 people in your life who have been wanting to help you, just waiting for you to ask for it — or even offering it when you either didn’t realize it or refused them.

Start with the people you’re closest to and work your way outward from there. You don’t need a long list of people. You just need one or two people who are willing to help out.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Trick #2: Choose your days and stick to them

The key to making time for yourself as a single parent is being consistent. If you just take this time randomly, it isn’t as helpful and it becomes a lot harder to find someone who can take the kids for you because they can’t plan ahead to be available for you.

Choosing your days might require working with the schedule of those helping you or you might get to simply choose and the people helping you will work around that. Whichever one it is, try to choose your days and keep them the same.

I suggest a minimum of once a week but twice is even better. Remember that these don’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) entire days. You can go as small as 30 minutes or go for 2–4 hours, depending on how you plan to spend the time, how long your friend or relative is available, and the rest of your schedule.

What about the time? Do you need to do the same times each time? Not necessarily. We’ll get more into this in the next trick, but while you need to keep the days consistent, you can and probably should be more flexible with the time. Not only is this better for you to get some variety, but it also helps whomever is helping you not feel too tied down and unable to do other things on those days.

Trick #3: Check in and decide how you want to spend your time

Sometimes you might want your me time to be a lazy brunch where you do the crossword, read a book, and savor your French toast. Other times, you might want it to be a night out with some friends where you get to have a drink or two.

While you want to be consistent with your days, a little flexibility with the time can open up a lot more variety in what you can do with your time. But while someone else is freeing up their time to take care of your kids so you can have your me time, you need to check in ahead of time to let them know what time frame you’re looking at.

So take some time, even as early as right after you’ve had some me time, to start thinking about what you want to do next time. Do you want to get a massage? A haircut? Go to dinner with a friend or on a hike?

This decision will help you know what time you need your friend or relative to take the kids while also being able to give them an idea of how much time you’ll be taking — a hike is going to take longer than a haircut, for example.

Trick #4: Don’t feel guilty

Even more than other parents, I think single parents feel more guilt about leaving our kids to do something for ourselves. Maybe it’s because we’re the only parent available or maybe it’s because we have to share them with their other parent so we feel bad about taking away from our already limited time. Whatever the case, it’s standard to feel guilty about your me time — but you shouldn’t.

This time is for you and that makes it easy to feel it’s selfish. But it’s not. By taking this time for yourself, you revive your energy, patience, and so much more. And your kids, your work, your other relationships and your life in general benefit from that.

So don’t feel guilty about taking this time. Even if you return and the person watching your kids describes a challenging time, don’t feel guilty. Even if your kids whine and complain, don’t feel guilty. While you may be the one who benefits most from your me time, so does everyone else around you and that is not something to feel bad about.

Photo by Sarah Kilian on Unsplash

Trick #5: Make it about prevention rather than repair

I don’t know about you, but I tend to be one of those people that doesn’t go to the doctor unless there’s a problem. The annual preventive visit is very hit-or-miss with me. And too many people do the same thing with self-care and me time. They wait until they’re stressed to the max, burnt out and about to totally crack — or have totally cracked.

This is not the way to handle self-care and me time. It shouldn’t be completely about repairing the damage when you’ve gotten stressed and burnt out. It can be used that way, of course, but it should also be about prevention. It should be that annual preventive visit to the doctor as well as the randomly scheduled appointment because there’s a problem.

What does that mean? It means if a massage is something you want, do it because you want it not because you’re so tense you need it. It means using your me time for things you enjoy, such as reading books or watching movies, as well as things you need to do, like preparing some healthy meals for the next week or going to the doctor for that annual visit you’ve been putting off.

Me time is not just about you

The label of “me time” is misleading. It implies that it’s all about you and even suggests that you should spend it all alone. But it’s not all about you and it doesn’t have to be spent all alone.

Me time, if done right, is about ensuring you don’t get lost in your identity as a parent. It’s about ensuring you remain a well-rounded person with hobbies and interests that are unrelated to your kids. It’s about keeping you socially active, mentally and physically relaxed, and energized and ready to work, parent, and take care of all the responsibilities that come with being an adult and a parent.

Me time replenishes you but it also offers those around you a better, healthier, happier version of you. It gives your kids a parent who is patient, loving, and has the energy to provide what they need. It gives your friends and family a loved one who isn’t exhausted, resentful, and desperate for a break.

Think of me time as parenting yourself. You make sure your kids do their homework, eat healthy meals, go on playdates with friends, and other things that help them grow into well-rounded individuals. Me time is the grown-up version of all that.

Me time is carving out time for you to do the things you need to do to be more than just a parent. And by doing that, you become a better parent, better friend, better everything.