Parenting in Times of Crisis — First Covid and now Chaos
By: Caitlin Van Wyk
Tags: South Africa, Parenthood

By Caitlin van Wyk

I’m sure you can agree that life has been a bit much lately. We have been struggling to deal with the pandemic and the disruption that it has brought to our lives. We have been keeping it together for our families in spite of health concerns, lockdowns, and job insecurity. Now we are in a situation of civil unrest that is causing destruction and fear. It is overwhelming! It is exhausting! It is terrifying! We fear for our friends and family and are now having to explain to our kids why they can hear gunshots and explosions. Why we can’t go and buy food. This is an extremely difficult and stressful situation for everyone.

Here are a few things you can do to ease the load.

Take time for yourself

I know we are all at home but you need to make sure that your mind is right. You need to deal with your emotions about the situation. Cry, scream, sleep, read a book, whatever you need to clear your mind for a few minutes. You can’t be strong for your family and help your kids if you are in a bad place. Don’t get me wrong, you probably won’t always feel upbeat or positive. Realistically, you will probably be holding on by a thread. That’s why it is vital that you take the time you need to deal with your feelings or you will break.

Listen to your children

Let them talk about what is going on and ask questions. Answer them honestly but in an age-appropriate way so that they can process it. Your children need your empathy and understanding. They need reassurance that what they are feeling is valid. As adults, we are feeling scared and overwhelmed. Our children pick up on that and they need us to help them process their emotions.

Try and keep your normal rhythm

Kids thrive with boundaries and structure. In such uncertain times, keeping a normal rhythm could help your children feel safe and secure. It’s not easy I know. Trying to go through your day, doing seemingly mundane tasks, can seem unimportant. However, having a feeling of normalcy will be beneficial for you and your kids. On the flip side, if your kids are wanting to stay in your room or go to bed later, let them. This is a crazy situation and they might need the security of sleeping close to you or more time spent with you at night. There are no rules here. You need to work with the needs of your kids and do what is best for your family.

Play with them

Play is a vital tool in helping children process information and deal with their emotions. It doesn’t have to be an intense imaginary game (unless that’s your thing). I am not a mom who likes to play but even I can manage a game of ‘Go Fish’, Lego, or a puzzle. They will benefit from the activity as well as the time and connection with you.

Take a break from social media and the news

I have found myself getting into a vicious spiral of flipping from one news channel to the next while scrolling through Facebook and Twitter. The horrifying scenes and doom and gloom predictions can easily become overwhelming, consuming your day. TURN IT OFF! Go outside, read a book or put on an audiobook for the family. Anything to give your mind a break and give your brain time to process everything.

Keep a journal

I have a journal for each of my kids that I write in when I get the chance (or remember!). Writing down what has been going on has been a very helpful way to process the situation. Getting the feelings out and onto paper has left me feeling more clear-headed and able to cope with the stress. I also love that my kids will be able to read about this one day. About the way our communities came together, the resilience of our people, and the dark time we got through as a nation.

Look for the happy stories

They are sometimes hard to find, but they are there! Stories of neighbourhoods working together to keep each other safe. Facebook and Whatsapp groups created to help share food and resources. Communities getting together to clean up their towns. People offering to help rebuild free of charge. The good news is there because we are an amazing nation. South Africans have the ability to unite, even in the darkest times, and forge a new path forward.

We are in for a rough time, there is no doubt about that. So much damage has been done. Not just to food security and infrastructure but also to relationships. But there is still so much HOPE. We can choose to be hopeful in the face of destruction. We can choose to be resilient in the face of adversity. We can choose to see the beauty in the people of our country.

We can choose to work towards a better future for our children.