The Blessing of Unexpected God Parents
By: Chad Pillai
Tags: Gratitude, Love, Adoption, Bullying, Redemption

Light Pole in Wintery Night. Source: https://www.wallpaperup.com/46701/park_winter_snow_bench_lights_lamp_post_night_path_trail.html

It was a cold, snow-covered night, and I was alone tied to a light pole by my suspenders. I was the new kid at Andrus Children’s Home, and I was the unfortunate victim of childhood bullying at the hands of the older boys who lived there. Looking back at that moment in time, it serves as a reflection on an important transition in my life. Tied to the light pole with that singular light in the darkness ushered in a miracle for a young boy who had escaped misery. I had survived a broken home and was placed at Andrus by the State as a means to temporarily give my mother the space needed to fix things at home; but, my life would take a different path and in no small part due to my introduction to two beautiful people that became my unexpected God Parents.

Orchard School at Andrus: https://andruscc.org/orchard-school/

My time at Andrus Children’s Home was a blessing in disguise. At first, I felt abandoned by my mother and torn by my separation from my little brother. I arrived at Andrus with nothing besides the clothes in my bag. Despite that, I felt free and safe for the first time in my life. There was a sense of liberation on my first morning at Andrus when I had the chance to pick my clothes that morning, which included slacks, a dress shirt, and suspenders. That morning I was going to start my first day at Orchard School, the school on the grounds of Andrus that served the boys and girls attending K-6th grade. I was beginning Andrus as a 3rd Grader, and while I can’t remember every specific detail about my time at Orchard School, I do remember that my time there was generally happy despite the occasions I got myself in trouble. One memory included being chased by the older boys for writing the names of all the older girls I liked on my sneakers, which happen to be their girlfriends.

That night after school, I went to the non-denominational church services held at the recreational center. This experience stands out because the service was more community-centric that involved a lot more singing — a new experience for me at the time. My earlier religious experience was in my grandmother’s home, where my grandmother, an ardent Roman Catholic, had religious iconography everywhere to include a life-size head of Jesus, which scared the hell out of me. Why? It always seemed like the eyes on the head of Jesus were following me, and as a young 3–4-year-old, that was unnerving. For my grandmother, that may have been a good thing since it generally kept me in line. Back to the Andrus church service. The singular aspect that I still recall to this day was that I was introduced to the Beatles or more accurately John Lennon because of that first service and everyone after we sang “Let It Be.” To this day, every time I hear that song, it reminds me of my time at Andrus.

Let it Be by the Beatles

I was tied to the light pole that fateful night after leaving the church service by the older boys. Ironically, I don’t remember getting mad at the situation, and it’s possible the song “Let It Be” resonated within me, and soon after, another group of older boys untied me from that pole. What happened after that night profoundly changed my life. Unlike the other kids at Andrus, I didn’t have the opportunity to go home to see my mother and brother despite them living about 30 minutes away in Yonkers, NY. At some point, I was introduced to a wonderful lady, Jean, who worked at Andrus, who decided to bring me home on the weekends to a warm and loving environment. Jean and her future husband Tony to me were your stereotypical New York Italians — Big Beautiful Hearts who at times talked loud and always with the hand gestures! Here I was a skinny Puerto Rican kid from Brooklyn surrounded by this crazy fun Italian family in Yonkers near the border with the Bronx.

Jean and Tony: My Unexpected God Parents

Jean was like a mother and grandmother all in one to me. Whenever I hear an actress play an Italian mother in a movie or TV, I automatically think of Jean. I had a simple dinner recently consisting of a salad, pasta with meatballs, and a piece of bread, and I couldn’t help but smile because it was the same simple but great dinners Jean would make at home. Likewise, Tony was like my father and grandfather all in one; yet, this was different for me since, before Tony, I never had a father figure in my life. Tony had served in the U.S. Coast Guard and later worked at Duracell Battery Corp. Tony was the one that taught me to stand up for myself and how to throw a punch — a skill I would later use to good effect at Andrus to eventually defeat a bully who tormented me until a punch to his face ended that.

I spent every weekend and holidays with Jean and Tony. I played and became friends with Jean’s grandson, Johnathan, and neighborhood kids. It was during that time that I learned to ride a bike the hard way — trial and error with lots of scrapes and cuts. Additionally, Johnathan and I, along with our neighborhood friends Frankie and Mikey, would ride our bikes to the local pizzeria to play arcade games. Games back then were a quarter and a slice of heavenly made NY Pizza was only a dollar. With $5 in quarters, you could spend the afternoon playing games and enjoy a slice of pizza or two. Besides playing arcade games, Johnathan, Frankie, Mikey, and I formed our little safety patrol consisting of our home-built wooden go-cart where we flashed our badges (hand me down security badges Tony gave us) to slow traffic down on our street, and we made some extra quarters on the side by raking the leaves in the neighborhood. When we were not playing safety patrol or raking leaves, Jonathan, Frankie, Mikey, and I were pretending to be BMX superstars attempting tricks and building a modified racetrack behind a grocery store since our inspiration was the movie RAD. BMX biking would later have a significant role in a monumental life-decision for me.

RAD Movie Poster. Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091817/mediaviewer/rm2511162880

That year Christmas was spent at Jean’s home, and I remember taking Johnathan and me to see the tree at Rockefeller Center. Jonathan and I woke up on Christmas morning to a tree full of presents. That Christmas will be remembered as one the best I ever had as a kid.

Jonathan, Jean’s grandson and I during the Christmas of 1987

Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center: https://www.today.com/news/2019-rockefeller-center-christmas-tree-has-been-chosen-here-s-t165184

As time went by at Andrus, it became clear that my time there would not be permanent. My mother had voluntarily given me up to the State, and preparations were made to either transfer me to another children’s home or be adopted by a new family. I remember asking Tony if Jean, and he thought about adopting me, but due to their age, Tony informed me that adoption was not workable. This reality set in motion my eventual adoption and departure from Andrus.

One of my official adoption photos. I am wearing one of the Security Guard Badges Tony gave me. It may have inspired my goal to be in the FBI later in life; however, 9/11 changed those plans and I remained in the Army.

I remember my counselor at Andrus, giving me two choices. First, a family in the Westchester County area where I already lived. The second choice was a family in Albany, NY. As a kid who never ventured too far outside New York City, I had no clue where Albany, NY was. My counselor told me that the Albany area was different from New York City because the houses had a lot more land. I was not provided any specific information about either family; the deciding factor based on a false assumption was where I could build my BMX racetrack. The dream of my BMX racetrack is how I ended up being adopted by my new family in Albany, NY. During my adoption transition, I spent less time with Jean and Tony; but, they were critical every step of the way as they met my new family and ensured things went smoothly. Jean and Tony took the time to drive up to Albany with Jonathan so that I could keep that connection with them.

Skyline of Albany, NY: https://www.albany.org/

Soon after my adoption, my little brother was placed at Andrus, and he too began spending time with Jean and Tony. As part of my adoption, my brother and I were not permitted to be in contact until I was 18 years old. I didn’t know my brother Anthony was spending time with Jean and Tony until later. Unfortunately, my little brother didn’t have the same luck I had in being adopted, and instead, he lived in a kid’s group home. During those years, he kept in touch with Jean and Tony while my contact with them became less frequent.

When I reunited with my brother around my 18th Birthday, Jean and Tony were part of the story. My brother and I grew up in different areas, but we pursued similar passions to include a wish to serve in the military. At that time, I was on track to graduate High School and enter college, along with joining Army ROTC while my brother wanted to enlist in the Marine Corps after he completed High School. Jean and Tony, my adopted family, and I tried to convince my brother to take the same route I was taking. My brother opted to enlist in the Marine Corps and served in Hawaii and Okinawa while I completed college. When I graduated and was commissioned as an officer in the Army, my brother was completing his enlistment tour with the Marines.

I am on the left and my brother is on the right. He had just completed his time in the Marines and I came visiting from Fort Knox, KY

After my brother finished his time in the Marines, he went back to work as Andrus and later enrolled at the State University of New York (SUNY) College at Purchase, where he worked as a Resident Assistant in the Freshman Dorms. My brother also joined the Army National Guard to help pay for college, and he planned on joining the Marine OCS program to become a future Marine Corps Officer. In 2004, my brother Anthony volunteered to deploy with his Guard unit, which required him to disenroll from college. Sadly, for my family and me, my brother Anthony was killed in Baghdad, Iraq. I flew from Germany to Dover, Air Force Base, to escort my brother home. Jean and Tony attended his funeral and burial at Fort Indiantown Gap National Cemetery in Pennsylvania. Jean and Tony participated in a dedication to my brother at Andrus where they dedicated a tree and plaque in his honor. In honor of my brother, SUNY Purchase dedicated a section of their Crossroads Residence Hall known as Kalladeen’s Corner. Finally, a section of the road was next to the college was renamed “Specialist Anthony N. Kalladeen Memorial Highway” by Governor Cuomo.

Kalladeen’s Corner in honor of my brother: http://uupinfo.org/voice/summer/0506/Voice.pdf

Five years after my brother’s death, I visited Jean and Tony with my wife and newborn daughter. It was a fantastic visit for them to see the consequences of giving me a second chance at life and for me to present my new family to them. To me, it felt like I was introducing my wife and daughter to a new set of parents and grandparents. To me, they were my God Parents because they were a gift from God sent to give a skinny Puerto Rican kid from Brooklyn a second chance at life. While deployed to Afghanistan in 2012, Tony passed away, and I was never able to say goodbye and thank him for what he did for me. Thankfully, I still get to talk to Jean, and one of the best parts of Christmas this past year was hearing Jean’s excited New York Italian accent on the phone. The success I have had in life since being tied to that light pole is in no small part to the unexpected gift of God Parents I received in the form of Jean and Tony. In summary, this is a love letter to two people who forever changed my life and I can never express my gratitude enough.