How to Tell if You’re Boring
By: Karen Nimmo
Tags: Life Lessons, Entrepreneurship, Relationships, Psychology, Self Improvement

How to Tell if You’re Boring

Take the Test

At a recent networking event I found myself talking to a man who didn’t want to talk to me.

I knew this, not because I am a psychologist, but because he wasn’t subtle about it. He kept glancing over my shoulder, didn’t ask me a single question, gave me a tired, pre-rehearsed summary of his business and said “wow” to something I said that — sadly — had no wow factor at all.

Then he fake-spotted someone on the far side of the room, yelled “lovely to meet you” at me and was gone, ending an exchange I am fairly sure was the antithesis of lovely to him.

So there I was, alone with my drink, forced to confront the true meaning of this rejection: am I boring?

It’s not me, it’s him, I thought defensively. I can’t add anything to that guy’s business so he wasn’t interested in trying. But my self-talk didn’t work. As a devotee of the saying “if you are bored, then you’re probably being boring,” it was time for some deep analysis.

In a stack of old notes at home, I found this simple test:

Are You Boring?

Do you: (answer yes or no):

Interrupt, talk over people, have to finish your sentence at all costs — you might be entertaining but this style brands you as highly-opinionated, dogmatic, even arrogant. Shut up for a while and sip your drink.

— you might be entertaining but this style brands you as highly-opinionated, dogmatic, even arrogant. Shut up for a while and sip your drink. Tell stories that are just a little too long — you’ll know this by the glazed eyes opposite as long as you are not too busy listening to yourself to look at them.

— you’ll know this by the glazed eyes opposite as long as you are not too busy listening to yourself to look at them. Never say ANYTHING — this can be extremely challenging if you’re shy or socially anxious because you’ll think you have nothing worthwhile to say and critique yourself to pieces. You are just as worthy as everyone else though, so get in the game. Just start with asking one genuine question, then follow up on the answer.

— this can be extremely challenging if you’re shy or socially anxious because you’ll think you have nothing worthwhile to say and critique yourself to pieces. You are just as worthy as everyone else though, so get in the game. Just start with asking one genuine question, then follow up on the answer. Erratic eye contact — not holding eye contact screams I can’t wait to be somewhere else. Or that you’re out to steal someone’s bag.

— not holding eye contact screams I can’t wait to be somewhere else. Or that you’re out to steal someone’s bag. Talk about yourself constantly — obviously. Sigh.

— obviously. Sigh. Grab anything the other person says as an opportunity to insert more about yourself. Extremely common, this is the way many — if not most — conversations flow. So if you ask a question, pay attention to the answer and respond appropriately, instead of interjecting with more finery about you-know-who.

Extremely common, this is the way many — if not most — conversations flow. So if you ask a question, pay attention to the answer and respond appropriately, instead of interjecting with more finery about you-know-who. Ask dull questions or no questions of the other person. Dull questions are better than none; asking nothing is unacceptable. We are all guilty of being boring, sometimes. So we need to try harder. Or stay home. Or at least avoid networking events where your inner bore is ripe for exposure.

Results:

If you answered “yes” even once, you can do better. If all your answers were “no” why are you still here? Please take your riveting personality away so we can focus on ourselves.