Puzzled
By: Vanna Rae
Tags: Insecurity, LGBTQ, High School, Jigsaw Puzzles

I woke up around 7 am, first noticing the tapestry on my ceiling, as usual. It made the morning sun look like light reflecting off of a shimmering lake. I sat up, stretching my arms in the air, and feeling the relief in each joint of my fingers.

I walked over to the full body mirror on the right side of my dresser after standing up and drinking from my bedside water bottle. Ever since middle school, I’d felt the need to look in the mirror immediately after waking up. Without thinking, I stroked my index finger across the small jigsaw-shaped divets in my chest, right thigh, belly, and the tiniest one on my forehead. It was a subconscious idea that I had to know what I looked like each day; where the marks were. I hated it. I tied my hair into a high puff and added some gel to distract myself.

“Monae!!” my mom yelled up the stairs. Stumbling towards the door, I grabbed my backpack and sweater. I pulled on the sweater as I shouted back, “coming, mom!”

My mom was a tall woman, about 5'11" to be precise, whose earth-brown eyes could show you love in half a second. She was wearing a mauve t-shirt reading, “I don’t give a knit,” courtesy of my grandmother last Christmas. I also knew that she had no insecurities, as shown by her lack of jigsaw pieces.

My mother handed me a plate of eggs and kissed my forehead.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Fine. No dreams or anything.”

“Any changes in the pieces?”

“Nope,” I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, just don’t like them.”

“I understand, I hated mine as a child, too. They suck.”

“Yeah, but I’m used to it.” I ate quickly, then hugged my mom goodbye. I grabbed an umbrella and walked out of the house, visibly irritated with life itself.

As I stepped onto the bus, I got rammed by a blur of sparkles. I quickly recognized this blob as my best friend.

“Monae!! You’re back!” She yelled.

“Jayla!! I am!” I returned with the exact same tone of voice.

We sat down in our usual seats and began to discuss our mornings. Jayla typically led off this conversation, and today was no different.

“So I got a new comforter last night and I had to change the whole dynamic of my room. Waking up this morning was like a completely different vibe. I am in such a good mood. How was your morning?”

“Uh, I didn’t get anything new for my room,” I laughed and continued. “But I did have a good morning. My mom made me eggs, so it’s nice being home finally.”

Jayla’s face went dim. I could see her physically switch to caring mom mode.

“Oh, yeah. How, uh, how was it?”

“Not terrible, good food. The no shoelaces thing is interesting, though. I kept bending over to tie my shoes.”

“Ha, yeah, I could see that. Do you feel any better?”

“I mean, mental hospitals are more for keeping you as safe as possible, at least to me, but yes, I’m definitely feeling better.”

She smiled at me, then proceeded to hug me. I’ve always liked the warmth of hugs, but I’ve never gotten that “sparkly” or “butterfly” feeling you’re supposed to get with people you love. I do love Jayla, though. I’d do anything for her.

Once we arrived at school, Jayla and I walked arm in arm off the bus and into the school. I started examining each of the students’ puzzle pieces. Most had them on their faces; acne was a normal struggle for us oily teenagers. A couple walked by us, one with a piece on her arm, another on his hand. Some people had their pieces right in the middle of their faces, making them even more insecure. Sort of a design error, as I see it.

Most kids start getting their pieces around middle school, seeing as teens are the most judgemental of people. Some get them younger, which is always extremely sad for parents noticing their child’s depleting confidence. I, however, had always envied the people who get tiny ones, or don’t get any till college. They were always the most loving, kind people you’d ever meet.

“Monae? You there?”

I snapped back into reality, only to see Jayla right in my face sticking her tongue out, and we were standing next to a cafeteria table

“Ewww get your gross tongue away from me!” I yelled while laughing. She sat down next to me and pointed towards the entrance of the cafeteria. I looked where she gestured.

A blonde girl, with deep brown eyes, and a blue cardigan was standing by the doorway, talking to a couple of kids around her. She had a huge jigsaw piece encompassing her mouth. It was the only one I had ever seen with no outie knobs.

Kenna.