God, You Know How Weak and Messed Up I Am
By: Michael Murray
Tags: Spirituality, Inspiration, Religion, Life, Self

God, You Know How Weak and Messed Up I Am

A prayer for the broken.

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash

God,

You know how weak and messed up I am.

You know how human I am, just doing my best to get through another day.

Sometimes my mistakes weigh me down. I feel like you are looking down on me, judging my every move. When I mess up, you shake your head. You roll your eyes. You throw up your hands in disgust and say, Not again! When will you ever get things right? How many times do I need to forgive you for this?

Sure, maybe you love me, perhaps in the way humans love distant cousins or great uncles. Yes, we love them, but we only see them once every few years at weddings or funerals.

Yeah, we love them, but we’re not sure if we particularly like them. We wouldn’t choose to hang out with them the way we would a friend.

Yes, God, you love me, but you probably don’t like me. And I can’t say I blame you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to like me.

But then I remember the words of King David in Psalm 103:

The Lord is compassionate and merciful,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

He will not constantly accuse us,

nor remain angry forever.

He does not punish us for all our sins;

he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. (v. 8–10, NLT)

King David was a royal warrior and a royal screw-up.

Some days he had a heart of gold, but most days, he had a heart of sludge. And he knew it. He knew how much he needed you.

King David may be a better warrior than me, but I can keep up with him in the sin department any day. He can outrun me, but he can’t out sin me.

“He does not punish us for all our sins.”

Is that part really in the Bible? That doesn’t seem like something that would be in the Bible, does it? Let’s check a more conservative translation.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,

Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. (v. 10, NASB)

You don’t deal with me according to my sins?

That sounds like you don’t see my sins as the thing that is most true about me. Keeping score of my sins is not how you deal with me.

God — knowing you are compassionate and merciful doesn’t make me want to sin more. It makes me want to do better. Knowing that you love me, no matter what, makes me want to live in a way that will make you proud.

Even so, my attempts are feeble. I trip, I fall, I stumble. I chase after shiny objects that flitter away. I’m still a mess. And you know it, God. You know how weak your children are. King David goes on to say:

The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

For he knows how weak we are;

he remembers we are only dust. (v. 13–14, NLT)

If a toddler fell down while trying to walk, would her father stand over her arms crossed and lament, “Wow. I can’t believe you messed it up again. When will you learn?”

No.

Well, maybe a bad father would do that. But not an okay father. And certainly not a good father.

A good father knows that his child is weak. She needs to grow and strengthen before she can learn how to walk.

But does the Bible really say that you know how weak we are? And that you have compassion for our weaknesses?

If so, that means you understand when I have bad days and falter. You know why I mess up so much.

You remember that I am only dust. You don’t expect me to be something I’m not.

I love my dog and think she’s pretty smart, but I would never expect her to memorize the quadratic formula. I remember she’s only a dog. And you remember I am only dust.

Yes, God, you know how weak and messed up I am.

You know the areas where I’m broken. You know where I need compassion and mercy. And you don’t offer it begrudgingly. You don’t just tolerate me. You love me. You might even like me!

So, as I go forth in my day, pour out your tender compassion.

I will mess up. I will fall. I will try my best in some areas. I’ll drag my feet in others. I’ll get distracted by smaller things. But please be there in all the mess. Be kind. Be gentle.

Remember I am only dust.

Amen.