Dear Math (a rant),. I love you, but damn you’re such a…
By: Ishana
Tags: Math, Humor, Rant, Maths Tuition

I love you, but damn you’re such a bitch!

I wish I was one of those people who could ace their tests almost effortlessly. I used to, but that time of my life was known as the innocent days of first grade when we knew nothing about how fucked up our lives were gonna become once we grew older. All we knew was ‘I wanna become a doctor when I grow up’. Seriously, I was so dumb then that I thought ‘military man’ was just a fancy word for the milkman. Now that I look back, it made sense why so many boys wished to become military men (imagine 1st grade Ishana thinking “Wait these many people want to deliver milk?” )

One of the many innocent things in our lives was also math. It was those days when we could just go on with our lives knowing that all we have for exams is to do with addition, subtraction and just about… all of that. Yeah, those were our difficulties, but I’d fare fine because nothing can defeat being shouted at and having to pull an all-nighter because your mom says your life depends on knowing what 200 times 3 is. Somewhere along the way of growing up, my perfect streak of a centum in math slipped (oops, a tear just rolled down my cheek). And that’s where the shit-show that is now my academic-life began. Welcome, ladies and mental men to my mind. It is a stormy, junky place. Did you know my I.Q drops every time I just take a look at the paper? That’s nothing compared to how my mind mentally regresses 5 years every time I try to solve a sum, not to mention how much my self-esteem drops seeing the results of my nightmarish exam and how much I draw closer to wanting to die.

Seriously, I don’t care about a2 + b2 enough to make my parents proud and you have no idea how much it ruins entire familial relationships. Yeah, me and my parents fight over mere numbers and how I can be so stupid as to not know how to comprehend them. Of course, this is just another Tuesday for the contemporary student, but in case this article hasn’t made you realise it so far… I am not like other students. I’m worse. I have probably the worst traits a new age student could have. I procrastinate, I hate my language subjects, and most fatal trait of all- I am fragile. Really, really fragile. And because I will do anything to escape the stress of not knowing how to use numbers and am desperately in need of content ideas, here is a rant for all you beautiful people who are so academically incompetent that making totally irrational rants is the only thing keeping you alive — because that’s what is keeping me alive.

Dear Math, I love you but you’re a bitch. You make life hard. I have no idea how is knowing the properties of rational numbers in integers supposed to help me in life when I have a cranky boss, annoying parents, crippling depression and no one that values me. All I see fit for you is help in paying bills, which — let’s be honest, I’d rather burn and throw away. You make me feel academically insecure and also convince me that I am as dumb and useful as a turkey (they are the dumbest creatures on the planet, by the way). How would it hurt you to not gave rise to such a complicated world? I know I’m irrational towards you but I deserve this moment because I am so at the verge of losing my sanity and am so bad at math that I feel entitled to such a moment as the only cure to my incompetence. OH! ALSO, TO THE IDIOTS WHO ARE GOOD AT MATH, I F***ING HATE Y’ALL. I WOULD PAY TO SEE NUMBERS SAVE YOUR ASSES WHEN YOU ROT TO DEATH ALONE **SMILEY FACE**. Yours Truly, Ishana.

And now, it has been made official, how much I have a bone to pick with this subject… and how much I need to study… And my need for anger management.

P.S,; it is no coincidence I wrote this mere minutes after my math tuition.

Hey everyone! Been a while! This isn’t the type of content I usually post (seriously, you don’t see me this unhinged on Medium), I swore a lot on here and said things that could be hurtful to a few people, but I was frustrated and the only way to let go was this. Besides, it’s a fresh change in content (which is coming back, I am working on literally 50 drafts at the same time). Till then, to those that took the time to read this, thank you! I hope this gave you the smiles (or if it brought back unpleasant memories, sorry!)…

Till then,

Ishana xox