My Nightmare Threesome with Jared and Ivanka
By: Christine Stevens
Tags: Humor, Trump, Political Satire, Sexuality, Sex

“Why doesn’t your dad just concede?” I asked, as Ivanka pulled down my panties and started licking my clit.

“There’s been widespread voter fraud,” Jared answered for her while wanking at the foot of the bed and watching us with a leer.

“Oh that’s horseshit and you know it,” I retorted. But then Ivanka got me going pretty good and I do manage to climax.

“Now let’s make out while we suck Jared’s dick,” she said. “That’s what he likes.”

So we went over and started sucking off her husband while taking little breaks to make out.

“You like that honey?” she said.

“Oh boy do I,” said Jared in a kind of joyless monotone.

“You know, your father-in-law is destroying the foundations of our democracy,” I said, before putting his dick back in my mouth.

“Democracy will be fine,” Jared assured me. “Now why don’t you take Ivanka’s expensive clothes off, Christine, and kiss her all over her body.”

“Sure,” I said. I was starting to get really creeped out. Were these people really Ivanka and Jared, or just robots that looked exactly like them, you know, deep fakes?

“Please fold them nicely,” said Ivanka. “Don’t just throw my clothes in a heap after you take them off.”

“Right,” I said, rolling my eyes.

I took off her fancy blazer.

“Can you actually hang that up in the closet,” she said. So I went and hung it up. I came back and unbuttoned her blouse. It felt so luxurious like it was made of the rarest silk in the world. Beneath it was some French brazier thing which I undid and folded it nicely with the blouse on the chair near the bed. I noticed Jared was wanking again and looking at us with that leer. Finally, I lifted up her pleated skirt and pulled down her French panties. She was shaved, of course. I got the feeling she thought my own pubic hair was kind of yucky.

“You know, I don’t agree with you guys politically,” I said.

“That’s OK,” she said. “Are you going to eat my pussy or sit here talking about politics all night?”

So I ate her pussy and she climaxed. Then Jared got ready to fuck us both.

“Which one of you wants to go first?” he said.

“Let Christine go first,” said Ivanka. “I have to answer this text, it’s from the White House.”

So Ivanka texted as Jared came on top of me and started fucking me.

“The thing about your writing,” he said. “Is that it’s so funny. That’s why we love it.”

That surprised me because neither of them seemed like they had any sense of humor at all.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You know,” he continued. “I’ve had a pretty great life. I’ve been privileged and pretty much gotten everything I’ve ever wanted. But this is a real treat for me, I’ll tell you. To actually be fucking Christine Stevens. My favorite author!”

“Not your favorite author, surely,” I said. “I mean, there’s Dostoevsky, Shakespeare. So many great authors.”

“You’re better than all of them,” he said, earnestly. “You’re the greatest, and I’m so grateful to be fucking you. This is the greatest moment of my life!”

“Excuse me!” said Ivanka, putting down her phone. “The greatest moment of your life? What about fucking me? Isn’t that the greatest moment of your life, Jared?”

“Oh Jesus,” he said. “Me and my big mouth.”

I was really nervous for a second, and then Ivanka broke into a nasal laugh.

“Ha ha ha!” she laughed. “Only kidding, honey. I’m happy for you. Maybe she’ll even let your fuck her in the ass.”

“Oh that would be too much to ask,” said Jared. “To actually fuck Christine Stevens in the ass. I mean. That would be like dying and going to heaven.”

He pulled out and looked at me expectantly.

“Oh alright,” I sighed, and I rolled over on my belly. “You should know, though, I’m about as liberal as they come. I voted for Bernie. Come the revolution fuckers like you will probably be lined up against the wall, you know...”

“Of course!” he said. “I get that, but I don’t hold it against you. In fact, it makes this moment all the sweeter.”

And he pushed his dick into my ass with no lube.

“Ouch,” I said.

“I’m fucking a revolutionary in the ass,” he said to his wife.

“Yeah, baby, make her feel the Bern!” cheered Ivanka.

How do I get myself into these situations? I wondered to myself. Ivanka was stroking my hair with that weird robotic look on her face. And Jared was starting to grunt like a pig.

“Nah,” I realized. “This can’t be real. There’s no way I would let that Jared fuck me in the ass. There’s no way I would make out with Ivanka. I can’t stand these people. There’s something really wrong here. What the fuck?

Then he screamed. “Ahhhhhh!” And he came in my ass.

Luckily, that scream was so loud that I woke up.

Thank God. I was in my own bed. My boyfriend was next to me. And it was all a dream.

“Bad dream honey?” my boyfriend asked groggily.

“The worst,” I said, and I held him close to me and I told him what I had dreamt and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me.

“Well, we’re all traumatized by these last four years,” he said sagely. “We’re all having anxieties and strange dreams. At least it wasn’t the Donald himself that was fucking you in the ass.”

And with that last image, he pretty much guaranteed that I would never fall asleep again. At least until after the inauguration when I can be fully sure that our national nightmare really has ended.

Because ew. Just ew…