How to Avoid Burnout and Compassion Fatigue
By: Brittney Bradford
Tags: Burnout, Empathy, Boundaries, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health

EFFECTIVE EMPATHY: FIVE TIPS TO AVOID BURNOUT AND COMPASSION FATIGUE.

Before we get too deep into the practice of being an effective empath, let’s take a look at how empathy is defined. According to Hodges and Myers, empathy is “one person’s response to his or her perceptions of another person’s current experience.” The word empathy, when traced back to its origin, literally translates to “feeling into.” Often people interpret empathy as understanding what it may feel like to walk in someone else’s shoes or even recognizing you experienced similar feelings at one time. Often confused, sympathy and empathy are not synonymous. Sympathy is the ability to acknowledge someone else’s shoes but never lace them up for a walk, metaphorically speaking. And finally, there is compassion, which I’ll explain with an equation: Empathy (+) Sympathy = Compassion. Capiche?

Okay, now that we got that figured out — let’s take a gander at a few practical tips to be an effective empath.

1. Write yourself permission slips: Inspirational author, public speaker, and American scholar, Brene Brown shared the idea of “personal permission slips” in her book, Dare to Lead. In Brown’s terms, “For personal permission slips, you are in charge of your behavior — so you’re giving yourself permission to feel or act a certain way. It is setting an intention for how you want to behave in difficult situations.” I’ve started using personal permission slips before engaging in situations that I know have a pattern of triggering an emotional response. I write an intention on a post-it note and place it at the top of my meeting notebook, journal, or anywhere that is readily available for reference. Once I feel a shift in my energy and mood, I re-read my permission slip to reset the intention. A few intentions that I write often and you’re welcome to borrow are: I will listen with intent and care. I will not interrupt. I will pause to think. I will respond, not react. I will care, not carry.

2. Take 5: Just like a Reese’s Take 5, taking five minutes to step away from an interaction that you find altering your energy is just as sweet as the candy bar itself. When I find I am in a conversation or meeting and feel tension building throughout my body, it is a good indicator I need a moment to regroup. My tension signs are often physical — my jaw tightens, shoulders shrug up to my ears, I experience erratic breathing patterns, and I fidget nervously. At the initial sign of tension, I excuse myself for a quick Take 5 break. In this short moment, I can take a few deep breaths and regain my mental focus. I often rehearse phrases for this style of boundary setting. My go-to phrase is: “I’m sorry we have to end this conversation here, but I have another obligation. Can we circle back tomorrow, or in an hour?” I have practiced this phrase over and over so much that it doesn’t sound awkward but genuine. And it is genuine because the obligation I am referring to — is my obligation to self-care. I use those minutes to remove myself from a triggering setting and execute a quick gratitude practice. I will write down or say to myself one thing I am grateful for. This short exercise completely redirects my focus to a better place to manifest more positive thoughts.

3. Build a privacy fence: I love privacy fences. They are like safety barriers. Why do we build privacy fences around our homes in the first place? Answer: They offer just that — privacy, a sense of security, protects us from acquiring trash or debris from neighbors or nearby streets, allows us to have control over who comes in and out of our residence, providing a shield and barrier. I like ALL of that, which is why I built my very own imaginary privacy fence around my body and mind. Simply put, this concept is just a way to visualize your boundaries. I am a very visual person, so envisioning that I have a physical barrier, a privacy fence that I built around myself, makes me feel in control of my surroundings and situations. Decide what boundaries you want to put in place and start digging those posts! You want to set boundaries that will serve you in the long run and don’t have the potential to be knocked down by a gust of wind. Set the boundaries YOU like, without any feelings of guilt. After all, it’s your fence — so make it the way YOU want. The best part is, you only have to open the gate when you want to. When you are in an acceptable window of tolerance, welcome people inside. If not, shut the gate and practice self-care. You’re the only one with the key to that gate.

4. Be honest: I find this has been the most challenging practice in my effort to be a more effective empath, yet it had the most significant impact. When I feel courageous enough to share that I am emotionally exhausted and may not be in the right headspace to provide the best support and care, my honesty creates a deeper and more meaningful connection. In those moments, I still get very nervous, anticipating that the reaction of me opening up is a sign of weakness — but it is the opposite. It’s an awareness of a human’s emotional limits. It’s an act of self-love and profound intimacy with oneself that only comes with realizing my needs, not what others need from me.

5. Care, not carry. Sometimes, emotional leakage from the day ends up finding itself riding home with me. Before getting out of the car, I take a moment to indulge in a few deep breaths. I reflect on other people’s feelings and problems I may have carried home. As I mentioned earlier, I am a visual person — so I imagine myself taking that emotional baggage out of my car and throwing it in the trash can before opening up the front door. I picture myself one-armed chucking that crap in the can, saying “buckets!” It brings a smile to my face, just thinking about it.