Authentic LGBTQ+ Stories Include Authentic Sex Scenes
By: Joshua Mackey
Tags: LGBTQ, TV Shows, Sexuality, Movies, Creative Non Fiction

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

High school was an interesting time filled with new friendships, changing bodies, and an increased curiosity in boys. Hormones were in the air and my mind was full of finding ways to fulfill that curiosity. For a Black, closeted queer, Christian 14 year old in North Carolina, the only way I was able to fulfill that curiosity was through media. Not through dial up porn either, but good old fashioned HBO, Showtime, and Cinemax. My parents added these channels to their cable bill and I was sneaking to the living room to watch them in the middle of the night in hopes of learning more about my budding queerness.

I did get lucky with Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain — a film deemed iconic for its time. Watching the rising tension between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger finally build into a passionate sex scene, was everything to me then, but when I look back at that scene now, there are elements to it that are baffling to 29 year old me — like who has anal sex with just spit after a weekend of horseback riding and bean dinners? If you’re an individual who is quite familiar with sex between gay males, then you’re probably well aware of the mechanics that go into it; however, if you’re not, just know that cleaning and lube tend to be components for these activities. Yet like the sex between Jake and Heath, sex scenes on screen between other members of the LGBTQ+ community still tend to highlight skewed versions of them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that we have queer sex scenes in daytime, primetime, and streaming platforms, but LGBTQ+ folks of now and the future deserve realistic and healthy depictions of their sexuality in action.

Through decades of cinema, queer sex scenes have placed more emphasis on gay men and their relationships. Maybe you came across a scene with actors engaging in a passionate kiss and then pan of into the distance; yet, only to return in a new scene with each other in bed (presumably undressed) in either a post-coitus embrace, or having second thoughts about the deed. Now in this day and age, more work has pushed out scenes for LGBTQ+ people to see themselves reflected on screen, but we still have media that cranks out misleading depictions. So advocating for accuracy in queer sex scenes is challenging when we still need to advocate against portraying trans folks as mentally ill serial killers (Silence of the Lambs), gay men as the “gay best friend” stereotype (My Best Friend’s Wedding), and lesbians being attracted to women until they meet the right man (Gigli).

Even when other parts of the portrayals are spot on in depictions of relationships, love, and loss, we still have this notion that you can still get “the job” done with a little bit of spit and a lot of force. My latest obsession, Lovecraft Country, crossed this bridge when we were able to see the sexual aspect of the relationship between characters Montrose and Sammy in an intensely emotional and raw sex scene. Still, like Brokeback Mountain, saliva and a quick thrust seems to be all that you need. Although, the 60s ushered in social acceptance of lubricant and Lovecraft is based in the 50s, some extra TLC could be shown when it comes to anal sex on TV. However, for every Brokeback Mountain, there’s a Looking highlighting anal douching, a Tangerine showing trans folks receiving oral sex, a Dear White People using lube in anal sex, and a Sense8 doing the absolute most and us loving it, and they all play a part in bringing authenticity to different sex scenes between LGBTQ+ people. Like sex between heterosexual folks, sex between LGBTQ+ folks is beautiful, hot, awkward, and humorous and should be shown as such, but we still have a ways to go.

Photo by Hà Nguyễn on Unsplash

Unfortunately, when the picture that media paints is paired with a less than stellar sex education curriculum, we have an LGBTQ+ community that has been hindered from developing a healthy sense of sexual identity at an early age. In many places around the U.S., sex ed is nothing to write home about. According to a survey by Guttmacher Institute, “only 28 states and the District of Columbia require public schools to teach sex education, 17 of those states require for it to be medically accurate, and only 11 states include content in regards to sexual orientation”. Also, GLSEN’s 2019 National School Climate Survey reported 8.2% of students surveyed received LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education. That lack of inclusive sex education forces LGBTQ+ youth to figure out their sexuality through other means, with limited knowledge and limited protection from any pitfalls they may encounter— like STIs, unintended pregnancies, and assault. It is a failure to provide much needed support to LGBTQ+ youth and to eliminate stigma towards the LGBTQ+ community through education. So when you pair this with media dishing out skewed depictions of queer sex, you add fuel to a fire that burns down any opportunity for queer adolescents to learn about themselves.

We need increased visualization of sex that isn’t from a straight, cisgender angle. When we strive to provide adequate depictions of queer sexuality, what we are saying is that queerness is valid, in every capacity, including queer bodies, how they function, and how they express love or desire. We are telling narratives that feel authentic to a community’s experience allowing for LGBTQ+ folks to be seen, and more importantly, highlighting healthier depictions of queer sexuality so that queer youth can learn about sex in a way that healthily reflects their experiences. Granted, media and sex education have to change to provide a united front on this. With the Human Rights Campaign confirming that 85% of parents surveyed stated that they supported sexual education including sexual orientation being discussed in high school and 78% supported it being discussed in middle school, there’s hope for change. This highlights a positive shift towards supporting LGBTQ+ youth in an unprecedented way. Here’s to hoping that shift occurs in both the classroom and in media. We owe it to the LGBTQ+ community to let them know that they deserve to be seen, deserve to be loved, and deserve to have it all shown authentically. Nothing less than that.