Happiness Doesn’t Pay the Bills or Does It?
By: Chris Flowers
Tags: Work Life Balance, Stay At Home Parent, Family, Self Improvement, Parenting

On August 28th, I came home unemployed.

I was part of the teacher movement that resigned at the highest rate in history due to COVID-19 health concerns.

It was a decision I wasn’t going to go through with, but in the end, was the right move for me and my family.

Before resigning, it was easy to rationalize the decision from a financial standpoint.

I dare say I looked forward to it.

We had a small safety net and my wife could pick up more shifts at the hospital.

It wasn’t ideal, but it was possible.

But once I resigned, the reality of not receiving a steady paycheck every two weeks sunk in and I began to panic.

What if she didn’t bring in enough money? What if our small safety net runs too low too fast? What about all the birthdays and holidays? Did my decision to resign just cost us a beach trip?

I understand the privilege of being in the financial position to worry about these things. And even though I never saw myself as someone who generally cared about the finer things in life, you don’t fully consider what you have until it's gone. Especially when its money that you’re missing.

Knowing next payday was not going to be a payday for me, freaked me out.

But, then my wife said something to calm me down.

“I’m just glad you’re home, babe.”

‘I’m just glad you’re home babe’, was a sweet thing for her to say.

But, I didn’t believe that just being home was enough to provide the support needed for my family. Turns out, I was kinda wrong.

The importance of financial support goes well beyond our needs.

Society has driven most of us passed the point of desiring our essential needs and into the territory of near-constant desire for vanity.

Vain desires such as the need for fame, money, and home theater systems have been etched into society’s register as requirements of happiness.

We don’t just need the money to pay rent, mortgage, and meals, but we desire money for the status that it brings through physical possessions and status.

So, the first week without a paycheck made me feel like a failure. I saw the income I was taking in as an irreplaceable contribution I could make and now it was gone.

But, I learned that I was actually overlooking the real irreplaceable contributions.

And while I am still actively looking for a job (let me know if you’re hiring) this unexpected change of status has been an awakening.

After losing my job, my presence provided physical support that has strengthened our family bond.

The first way I’ve learned to bring happiness to my jobless situation has been being more present for my wife and kids in ways I’ve never been able to do.

For example,

I gave my son a fist bump this morning after he answered a question correctly in virtual school.

I crossed off a few major projects at home, and have stayed on top of what used to be insurmountable daily chores. The house is still a mess, but we’re making progress.

Being at home has also made it easier for my wife to pursue her own passions and professional fulfillment. She’s spent more time at work, taking advantage of opportunities that weren’t possible while both of us were working.

And playing a lot more baseball in the backyard!

I’ve put my focus on maximizing my presence at home. This hasn’t completely erased the financial loss (obviously) but, it has allowed me to ease the sting of being unemployed and has given other family members a boost to their own personal lives. That has made our family bond stronger.

Physical presence was something I had been undervaluing as an employed dad.

By channeling what negative energy I had about missed work into productivity and support at home, I got back a lot of that big dad energy I had been missing.

Treating home life as a career has raised my emotional intelligence and made me a more supportive father and husband.

Emotional support can come from physical things, like cooking a meal or deep cleaning your SO’s car.

But, by being home more often, I’ve had an opportunity to become more in tune with the emotional heartbeat of my family.

During this time, there is a heightened need to take care of your own emotions. Quarantining, mass social anxiety protracted for seemingly ever, has taken an emotional toll on nearly everyone but the billionaires.

And I am certainly not in a perfect place either, but recognizing the importance of emotional support has made me a more emotionally intelligent father, husband, and human being during this unpredictable time.

For example,

At the dinner table, I’m there for conversation and laughs at the beginning, middle, and end of the meal. Traditionally, I would come home from work and sit down toward the tail end, still reeling with the day’s stress and workload. My wife and kids would tell I wasn’t that much fun during those times.

In the mornings, I’m not in the rush I once was. This more relaxed pace has made me better at consoling unhappy children and helping my totally-not- a-morning-person wife, get the day off to a better start.

Being more dependent on my wife has allowed me to accept more vulnerability around her. Although at first, it was uncomfortable to rely on someone so singularly, the outpouring of support I received from her, made it easier for me to reciprocate.

Emotional support matters.

It doesn’t pay the bills, but it has made a noticeable impact on our home in ways I never thought possible. And when you go back and really study what matters in cultivating a strong bond with your family, emotional support wins out every time over financial.