Letters To All The Guys I Once Loved
Tags: Love Letters, Letter, Open Letters, Love

To P,

My first love and my first heart break. I fell in love with you when I was just 15. I’ve learned so much from loving you. I discovered how much love I can offer because of you. My first butterflies were because of you. You were my first impulsive decision. I was so in loved that I didn’t care about what other people would think. I cried so much on our first break up. I can’t even remember the reason of our breakup but all I know was I blamed myself because I felt like I wasn’t enough. I had a hard time moving on. I had a hard time watching you from afar, being in love with someone else. What’s harder was I must keep on smiling in front of you like I was never affected.

We were so young and immature. I cried every night because of the endless longing of your presence. After a year, you asked me to be your girlfriend, again. I accepted you because I was still in love with you. But I think second chances were never really meant for us. After a few months, we broke up again for the second time. It took me two years before I became fully healed from all the sadness and pain. Two years of moving on. But even if you broke my heart before, I never regret that I fell for you. You are a good man. I know that you never wished me pain or sadness. I’m still thankful that I learned a lot from you.

To R,

I don’t know what to say but you’re the person that caused me a lot of pain. A pain that I wanted to forget. You’re the person that I wanted to forget, forever. You came into my life like a rolling stone. I was 17 and just got off to a new world. If I’m going to describe you, you’re like a candy. Sweet and lovely. I was addicted to your presence, to the point where I can’t get enough of you.

But like candies, you’re sugar coated. Full of sweet lies. Like candies, you rot my life like how candies rot our teeth. You were the reason why I changed a lot. You were the reason why I had trust issues. You were the reason why I always need assurance. You were the reason why I overthink things that I should not give importance to. You were the reason why I’m trying so hard to get rid of this bad habit. You took away things from me that I don’t even want to give. You made me feel like I was fool. I fell in love with a nightmare. I don’t know what to feel about you now. I forgave you already but I can’t forget the pain you caused.

To K,

You came into my life like a soft cold wind, like how I always describe it. You pick me up during the lowest point of my life without you being aware of the situation I was in. I knew from the start that you already having feelings for me, but I tried to ignore it because I was so scared. I was so scared of falling. I was scared because I don’t want to experience the same pain I felt with the man I loved before you.

But, you patiently wait. You waited until the day where I can finally open my heart again. I never felt butterflies from you. Rather, I felt comfort and warmth. Holding your hand was my favorite. I feel safe, as always. You were a very simple and quiet man. My ideal type, I must say. You were very calm and understanding. I was never easy but you had a lot of patience. The first three years of our relationship was so rough because of me. It was not easy to get rid of the trauma I felt from the past and I was so sorry that you had to suffer because of my own ghosts. You were a big part of my life. You were with me when my dad died. You were with me when I failed subjects for the first time. You were my shoulder to lean on. But slowly, you changed. I thought, you were the one. I thought you were the one who’s going to put a ring on my finger. We planned our future together. We planned our future family.

But I guess, we’re not really meant for each other. I guess, you’re just another lesson in my life and not my final destination. Don’t worry, I never regret that you became a part of my life. 7 years was a long journey, but I am happy that I had a beautiful and happy memories to keep. You’ll always have a place in my heart. I’m always here to support you no matter what.

To E,

There’s a lot of things that I wanted to say but I guess I already told you everything. I met you when everything was unstable in my life. I guess, destiny? We were destined to know each other. You became my happy pill. You never failed to make me laugh or smile. I loved talking to you because I always forget the time. I felt like I met a friend that I should’ve met years ago. You knew my deepest, darkest secret. You saw my soul. You told me words that will stay forever in my heart. You were special.

I tried my best not to fall for you, but I guess, we really can’t teach our hearts what to feel. I fell for you because of our similarities. I feel like I met my male version. The sad part was, I lost you in the process because of just one question. I lost you because of me, being honest. Until now, I’m still trying to move on from you even if we never really had something more than just being friends. I am still happy that I met you. You were my sunshine. You were my twin. The man I never had.