My Mental Health Was Neglected Under The Premise Of Religion
By: Carrie Wynn
Tags: Religious Abuse, Life Lessons, Mental Illness, Religion, Depression

I used to think that my upbringing was normal. I grew up in a very Christian family, where my Dad told us exactly what to believe. I was controlled, manipulated, constantly punished, and a very sad little girl. I attribute much of my upbringing as the reason for my anxiety and depression as an adult.

In recent years I have begun telling people about my upbringing and I am almost always met with the same response.

“You were in a cult.”

At first, I laughed but the more I talked to other people who had been raised up in the Christian faith, the more I realized that my experience was completely different.

I was almost completely isolated

Even though my Dad was a believer in God he didn’t want me to go to any organized church.

Because the bible is open to interpretation my Dad got into a fight with one of our pastors when I was around eight years old. After that, we didn’t go to church and my Dad decided he would teach us everything in the comfort of our house. There were times I wasn’t even allowed to go with my friends and when he actually decided to let me go I got a lecture about all of the lies I was about to hear.

I had to get permission before hanging out with any friends. If there was going to be any secular music he wouldn’t let me go. I remember being at our neighbor's house and him ripping me away from the sleepover because the girls were listening to Britney Spears.

It was us against them

Anyone that wasn’t in our belief system was going to hell. This put me in a panic as I didn’t want to see that happen to the people that I loved. I also couldn’t cultivate a relationship with someone who wasn’t my version of Christian because they could be a “bad influence.” I was certainly not taught about any other religions except that they were wrong. When I was very young I asked my Dad why I got to know the word of God and go to heaven when other kids had parents telling them something else.

He didn’t like that I asked that and couldn’t really answer me.

Parents who encourage their child to ask questions and provide the child with explanations instead of simply saying, “Because God says so,” can help their child learn, grow, and think critically. It is often worth it for a parent to take the time to explain to a child why they chose to follow a particular faith, as this serves to introduce the child to that unique and important aspect of the parent’s life. — Good Therapy

I couldn’t watch a movie that wasn’t rated G or PG

I was never allowed to watch movies with my friends. I remember being humiliated as their parents would call my Dad and he would say I wasn’t allowed to watch it. Usually, they would let me watch things anyway, I think that they felt sorry for me.

It got to a point when I was older when we would just all lie to my Dad but there were still times I got caught. I remember that when he found out that I went to see The Devil Wears Prada when I was sixteen I was grounded for a month.

I was given a purity ring at the age of twelve

What a fantastic birthday present. At the time I was excited at the premise of saving myself for my future husband. It was so romantic, I would give him the ring on our wedding night as well as my body.

It’s not okay to make a twelve-year-old make a commitment when she has no idea what she is committing to. I didn’t know what sex was, and it made finding a husband my goal at a very early age. When I didn’t end up following through on my “purity” because I slept with a serious boyfriend when I was an adult I was told I was going to hell for breaking a sacred covenant.

I was terrified the world would end

The rapture, being left behind, the antichrist. I couldn’t sleep growing up and I genuinely think it’s part of why I have insomnia as an adult. I would try to sleep and the thoughts of terror and dreams about the apocalypse would haunt me.

When you think the world is going to end at any moment you don’t have long-term goals. It made me feel like my life didn’t have meaning, and therefore I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do with my life until I was out of the situation in college.

My depression was ignored

All of these factors led to me being a sad, terrified, confused young woman. I exhibited many signs of depression. I was anorexic for many years, I was moody, I struggled with motivation, and I was given no guidance or help.

Years later my Dad admitted he knew I was depressed but he didn’t think there was anything he could do besides pray.

I have watched several of my family members die because their mental health was neglected under the premise that God would save them. The complete dismissal of mental health and the reality that it is real by some of these religious zealous makes me furious.

God doesn’t cure depression. Depression is real, mental illness is real, and ignoring it can cost someone’s life.