The 20 Something Diary
By: Dominique Simpson
Tags: Millennials, Stress Management, Mindfulness, Life Lessons

I have a friend that said to me “I truly understand your search for peace on the hamster wheel.” Then and now, I’ve never heard a more accurate analogy of what finding peace is like at 20 something. How do I find peace or create an atmosphere of peace when life doesn’t slow down long enough for me to figure out what that looks like?

Though I’m clearly still in my 20s, I have a few tips on how to help navigate this dumpster fire world we’re all living in.

Be Kind To Yourself

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the phrase “You are your toughest critic”. As cliché as it sounds it so true. I’m very critical of myself over everything that I do. I’m always expecting myself to do better and be better. Now, there’s nothing technically wrong with expecting better of yourself. Being accountable for your actions is completely different from over analyzing and criticizing every mistake or mishap that happens in your life. Being kind to yourself is essential to your livelihood, and even your mental health. You’re going to make mistakes, but the frequency and even the severity of those mistakes will likely lessen.

Self care isn’t exclusive to face masks and pedicures or buying something nice for yourself. If you want to truly practice caring for your person, start by showing yourself love and compassion. Often we lend our understanding and compassion to those around us and forget to leave a little for ourselves. Care for yourself by loving you, whoever that may be, and being kind and understanding. Though this seems insignificant you’d be surprised at how far doing just this little bit will take you.

Keep track of your emotions with journaling

Mental health is a popular subject these days. Certainly much more than it used to, as it should be. Being aware of our mental and emotional livelihood is critical in how we view the world and the things that are happening around us. Getting in tune with how we feel is the foundation of how we react and respond to life itself.

A lot of people that I know and love and even a vast majority of people I interact with on the internet are advocates for some type of counseling or therapy. I am in included in that long list of advocates. I recently started pre marital counseling with my fiancé. We’ve been together for quite some time (8 years and counting), and we both felt it was best to assess our relationship with professional help rather than saying “hey you’re doing this wrong”,” I hate when you do this or that”, or “I want you to change xyz.” etc. The undoing of our learned bad behavior is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s as refreshing as taking in a deep breath on your front porch first thing in the morning.

Though this my own experience with counseling, I’m aware that everyone isn’t ready for counseling or therapy. Trust me it is a BIG step. Also, not everyone is ready to delve into the deepest darkest parts of themselves and be vulnerable with a stranger just because they’re paid not to pass judgement on you. Vulnerability is a privilege, and you may not feel that you’re ready for that type of commitment. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that therapy/counseling is as expensive as shit. Need I mention that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and everyone’s coin is a little funny honey.

Journaling, or writing your thoughts, feelings, and emotions down can be just as effective as counseling or therapy. It helps to see your feelings and thoughts organized on paper (or a screen). Managing your emotional health by recording your feelings and thoughts is a far more organized method than letting your emotions and ideas just float around in your head. It may sound corny but really, write it down. You’ll feel much better after you do.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Let’s be real, pride is a muthafucka. If you’re looking for the poster the child for “I hate asking for help” scroll up or down to my view my profile. I am her and she is me. I absolutely loathe asking anyone for help, or at least once upon a time I did.

I thought that suffering in silence was a testament to my endurance and my capacity to handle adversity. Boy was I wrong. What I learned is that by not speaking up my pride was a barrier that was blocking the help that I was so desperately asking God for. I assumed that asking for help made me appear weak and child like. It turns out that keeping quiet helped neither me nor my situation, and I only appeared weak to myself because I wasn’t strong enough to ask for help.

I’m not telling you to keep your hand out and do nothing for yourself, that’s not the point I’m trying to get across here. What I am saying is that when you’ve done everything that you can and things still don’t seem to be working out — ask someone for help. And guess what, help doesn’t always come in monetary form. Help can be direction or guidance, or information that may lead you to other resources that you weren’t aware of that existed. Just do it. Don’ t be afraid to ask. Your strength lies not in knowing that you can’t handle every situation by yourself, but in admitting that you need help so you should ask for it.