Who, Really, is Rich?
By: David Koff
Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Development, Money, Finance, Wealth

Life is rich. It’s also richly ironic.

There are people who believe that money is the root of all evil. They preach that one cannot have a fulfilling spiritual or religious life and also accumulate wealth. Quite the opposite, actually: for these individuals, wealth corrupts and extreme wealth corrupts extremely.

There are people on the other side of the spectrum who worship money. They devote much of their professional lives to the pursuit and accumulation of wealth, sometimes even as their personal and spiritual lives fail spectacularly.

Personally (and pardon the pun), I don’t buy into either of these philosophies. Somewhere between these two extreme positions lies the truth: that money is neither evil nor is it the answer to every problem. Instead, I see money as a tool that can be used for a variety of purposes. Money buys us food and clothing, but it also buys us addictive narcotics and weapons; money funds churches and synagogues, but it also funds terrorists; money allows us to wage war on poverty but it also allows us to wage war on other populations or countries; money can be used build schools, libraries, and national landmarks, but it can also build walls and policies that separate loved ones from each other.

There Are Always More Than Two Options

Many of us are trapped into thinking that money is more important than it really is. The way I see it, this belief manifests in one of two ways:

On the wealth side of the trap, we experience a false sense of power when we buy material objects for ourselves that maybe others can’t afford. After we buy new pair of limited edition sneakers, a new smartphone, a new car or a new home, we begin to notice others who have these same things… and those who don’t. Unconsciously or not, we sometimes gravitate towards others who have what we have and avoid those who do not. Whether intentional or not, we sometimes ignore our declining spiritual, emotional and psychological health because we come to believe that accumulating more money and spending it on more things will make us feel better or have more control. Even good, decent people can begin to feel invincible because of their finances.

On the poverty side of the trap, we experience a false sense of failure if we can’t material objects for ourselves that others have. After we see others who have what we want but cannot afford, we might compare ourselves unfavorably to those who have more money than we do and wonder what we’ve done wrong. Slowly, our financial bottom line becomes a substitute for our spiritual, emotional and psychological wellbeing. Even good, decent people can begin to feel like failures because of their finances.

I have been — I freely admit — both kinds of these people. This is why I am grateful for one particular conversation I had with a friend about two decades ago that helped reshape my life.

Learning a New Paradigm

One day, I was at my friend Jennifer’s house. We often traded helping each other: her with my accounting/bookkeeping and me with her technical problems. On this particular day, as I fixed Jennifer’s computer, she spoke to me about how she practiced the concept of wealth in her life. I very quickly found fault in what she was saying.

“Um, there’s no ‘practicing’ wealth,” I mansplained to her. “One either has wealth or not. It’s simple, really.” Thankfully, Jennifer was patient with me. Here’s what she shared:

“I believe we always practice wealth by choosing whether to see ourselves as either rich or poor,” she said. Then, she related a story. One day, while driving with a friend, they encountered a stranger at a busy Los Angles intersection. The man held a sign requesting money from passing motorists. Jennifer’s friend rolled down the window and handed the man a $10 bill. On seeing Jennifer’s shocked expression, her friend told her, “I am wealthy enough to be able to give a total stranger some money… even a $10 bill.”

“From that day on,” said Jennifer, “I decided to practice my own abundance by giving money away to those who asked.” She then proceeded to tell me how doing so had substantially changed her outlook on life. I listened, scared half out of my skin. Scared, because I realized that my friend was teaching me a valuable lesson that I desperately needed to learn because of one, simple truth:

I was thinking of myself as poor.

Worse, I’d allowed my financial stresses as an artist to define my overall success as a human. I didn’t own a house like some of my friends, I didn’t have substantial savings like some of my friends and I didn’t even have medical insurance. Nevermind that I’d sold a screenplay that I’d co-written to a major studio; nevermind that I was producing successful and well-reviewed theater productions. Because I didn’t have a lot of money or possessions compared to others that I knew, my financial limitations transformed into psychological ones as well: I’d begun to think of myself as an overall failure.

After listening to Jennifer’s story, I wondered: maybe it was possible to change that thought pattern! Could “practicing being wealthy” as she’d described actually cause me to feel more abundant?!? Could I even afford to give money away to strangers on a regular basis with my limited budget?!?

What the fuck: I just went ahead and decided to find out.

A Plan is Hatched…With Unexpected Challenges

For exactly thirty days, I decided that I’d give money to ANYONE who asked me for some, no exceptions. That was going to be difficult. For example, I couldn’t know if the people who received my money would use it in ways that I would condone or not. So I started by reminding myself of the truth: the purpose of my exercise wasn’t to stand in judgment of others, it was to retrain how I was judging myself.

I didn’t have long to wait: I lived near a busy intersection in West Hollywood with a lot of foot traffic so I started getting asked for money right away by a variety of people.

Challenge #1: Acknowledging Others

I realized quickly that I had to acknowledge each person who asked me for money. I had to make eye contact, acknowledge them, and then reach into my pockets to give them something. This took some adjustment because I’d become, sadly, accustomed to looking away from panhandlers and not caring. Now, I had to acknowledge the White, Black, Latin and Asian people who were willing to ask me — a complete stranger — for money.

At first, this was awkward: some folks looked (or smelled) repugnant to me. But, slowly, as I starting giving money away, it became easier to see others as human, despite their appearances. In return for my measly dollar, I got back a huge smile, a warm hug, or a deep and authentic thanks for my taking the time to stop and recognize another human. It also became increasingly difficult to think of myself as poor when I stopped and took the time to meet those who asked me for money. I began to realize, slowly, how truly how well-off I was compared to most of the people I met.

Within a few days, I began to feel more grateful for what the life and possessions I had and became excited about giving away more of my money to those who asked for it. After all, I reasoned, I was simply giving a dollar to everyone who asked me for money and my soul could afford that… even three times a day. The glow I radiated externally felt real. The pride I felt internally felt equally real.

But that pride was about to run into another level of judgment.

Challenge #2: Repeat Customers

Within one week, I began receiving additional requests from those to whom I’d already given money. This annoyed me. I wanted to know that my donations were making a difference and that I was turning a fulltime beggar into a productive member of society. Honestly, it was an incredibly ignorant and selfish thing to think.

First off, people weren’t going to change simply because “David, The Benevolent” had given them a few dollars on a couple of occasions. Secondly, I’d forgotten the deeper purpose of my 30-day challenge: I wasn’t giving money away because of the recipient, I was doing it to help overcome my own negative judgments about myself. But here I was, judging who deserved my money and who didn’t. I was valuing that one dollar more than the human being who’d asked for it because of my ego.

The realization made me sick to my stomach.

My commitment was to give money to anyone who asked, no exceptions. No exceptions meant multiple requests should be honored. And so they were. Now, with a smile, because I could no longer afford — and yes, that’s the correct word — to be that asshole

Challenge #3: How To See & Hear A Request

Around day fifteen, I faced an interesting question. The question was posed in the form of a man who I found splayed out at the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue, one Sunday morning. This man wasn’t verbally asking me or anyone for money and wasn’t holding up a sign asking for help. He was lying face down on the sidewalk and wasn’t even aware that people were stepping over him to continue on their way to brunch.

But he needed help.

He didn’t have a sign: he’d become the sign. He was a symbol of how far each of us can fall. As a symbol, he challenged those around him to either step over him or to offer help. I stopped. I bent over him to see if he was alive. He smelled deeply of booze and seemed incoherent. I put a $10 bill in the man’s shirt pocket. I told him what I did. I told him that when he woke up he should grab some coffee or water and take care of himself. If this man was sick enough to collapse on the sidewalk in full view of the city, then I was healthy and wealthy enough to donate that week’s movie money to try and help him and to allow myself the luxury of not needing that money as much as he did.

There’s no movie I could have seen that week that would have been as powerful as the interaction I had with that stranger.

Challenge #4: What is Enough?

Sometimes, I didn’t always have enough money to help. On several occasions, because I had little or no money on my person, I instead offered food, clothes, or whatever else I had. Very often, these offers were accepted. Once, when I was asked for money, I was only able to find nine cents in my pocket. I looked at the man who’d asked for help and simply tried to honor my commitment.

“This is all I have on me right now,” I said. “It’s not a lot but you’re welcome to it.” The man smiled and took the money.

“Hey: every little bit helps,” he said and stuck his hand out to accept my coins. I was stunned. How humbling it must be, I thought, to be willing to take nine cents from a stranger because you need it that badly… I shook the guy’s hand and told him to have a good day. He said he’d say a prayer for my good deed and then we both disappeared back into the night.

What Happened Next

When my 30-day experiment ended, I continued to give money to those who asked for it. I didn’t give money to everyone who asked but, my those decisions were now based on convenience and time and not on hoarding my meager savings, nor over-looking another human because I didn’t want to acknowledge them. Quite the opposite: even when I didn’t have any cash or spare change, I continued to make eye contact and smile. Folks to whom I’d given money before continued to smile back. And folks I’d never met before often smiled back as well. Turns out, the power of seeing another and being seen by another proved to be quite powerful for everyone involved.

Sometimes, individuals were bummed if I didn’t give them money, but no one ever pressured me or judged me. More importantly, I discovered that I wasn’t judging myself anymore. I no longer believed that I was a failure. How could I?! I not only had the basics — food, clothing, shelter, and a support system of friends and family — but I had enough extra funds to give away, even in small quantities.

I was, indeed, practicing being wealthy.

And that practice did, indeed, transform my life. Jennifer was 100% right. I was feeling more abundant and wealthy than I’d ever felt in my life. By being willing to help others — even in small amounts — I’d been tricked into helping myself.

I honestly hope that you’ll give this 30-day experiment a try and then leave your comments below and let me — and others here — know what happened for you. One way or the other, I guarantee: it will change the way you think about yourself and the world around you.

Now, as to the question I posed in this story’s title, I’d like to provide you the answer: