The Safety Net Is Self-Honesty
Tags: Balance, Prompt, Self Acceptance, Self Improvement, Short Story

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

The Safety Net Is Self-Honesty

Friday Reflection Prompt

Ahhh, the balance now, there’s the rub. Where as one might see laziness or self-denial in their own self-acceptance, others might see patience. Self-improvement is hard work. Self-improvement takes discipline, fortitude, perseverance, patience, structure, passion, honesty, and more. On the other hand self-acceptance takes all of those things also.

I am a true believer in both of these. I think both have their place. I have practiced both intermittently and sometimes simultaneously. I think in order for us to decide which to do we need to do triage. We need to ask ourselves the difficult question. What is important to me right now? This is easier for me to do than many others because I do not have others dependent on me. I have in the past and that affected which of the two I decided on at that time.

Before I get to some examples to illustrate the ideas I am professing, I want to talk about self-acceptance. Most people, myself included are too hard on themselves. I freely offer advice to people if you are not ready to change don’t beat yourself up for it. None of us are perfect. I know I am not. I could list ten to twenty things that I could do to make a better me. They might fit into healthier, fitter, emotionally more stable, intellectually more stimulated, and the list could go on and on.

The question is, am I prepared to do that? Am I willing to do what it takes to get that done? If I honestly can tell myself no, I then have to accept that it is a want, not a self-improvement goal. If it is not critically damaging my short term health and for that matter even if it is, if I am willing to accept that risk for myself, then I have to accept that. I then can’t beat myself up over not doing it. I can’t say I have a self-improvement goal and not give the needed resources to get the job done. That is what poor management does to organizations. They set unrealistic goals and do not give the manpower, financial, oversight, and other needs to get it done. Then blames someone for not succeeding. We need to stop doing that to ourselves.

If we wish to set a self-improvement goal we need to ask ourselves, what is the cost? The cost in relationships, time, energy, physical limitations, emotional limitations, and external support if needed. There could be other factors that need to be look at also. If we are not willing to pay that cost then please work on self-acceptance. It will be less frustrating and you will be better off until the time that you can pay the cost.

I have said in post in the past, when I was a teacher I put my student’s needs ahead of many of my own. I accepted that I did that. I made a conscious decision to do that. I was fine with that. When I decided to retire, I also decided to change that. I decided to put myself and my needs ahead of others. I started going to the gym. I got in better shape, I lost weight, I ate better, and I relaxed more. I drank less, I enjoyed when I drank more. I would let friends know that I needed alone time or was not going to make it to parties or such that I really didn’t want to go to. I made the huge decision to start travelling internationally. As a result of that decision I now live part time in another country.

This year I made the decision to work on my spirituality. I was ready to put forth the effort. I was ready to ask and answer the hard questions. I feel and my friends support the conclusion that in many ways I am a different person. I have always been a positive person. I have loved myself most of my adult life. I have this year opened and healed wounds that before I self-accepted as problems and traumas. I am not done with that work. I will never be done with that work while I am breathing. I may someday decide that I have come far enough. I do not think that will happen but I have to self-accept that it is a possibility.

I used to give this advice to my students when they came to me with a problem. I would tell them it is ok if they were not ready to change but if they were not, they had to admit that to themselves.

In my mid-thirties I was a mess. I was suffering from clinical depression. I was very out of shape and way over weight. I, with the help of friends and a great therapist, decided to deal with my depression, lose forty-five kilos in a year, get in shape so I was proud of the way I looked.

One year from that date I was out of therapy, I was running eight to ten kilometers each day. I had lost all of those forty-five kilos. I kept that up for four years until I had an injury. I had had injuries prior to that but the big difference was that, and it took a while for me to accept it, I did not have that self-improvement goal anymore. I had to be truly honest with myself. It took another almost 20 years and different self-improvement goals that didn’t include running to get me where I am today. Even since I have retired I have changed the way I get my physical exercise.

Now it is daily swims which I have been doing for over four years. I still look forward to them virtually every day.