5 love languages on loving yourself
Tags: Self Care, Love Yourself, Self Love, Love Language

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Both the spiritual (religion) and medical world concluded that love is primarily the center of life. The need to feel loved is an important human emotional need. However, love is also very confusing. Love makes us break boundaries and limitations. For love, we bear the suffering and torture. For love, we’d do anything. We definitely have seen this scenario in movies where a character commits murder to protect the ones they love, or they willingly sacrifice their own life so that their loved ones can live. For love, we do the impossible.

The love language was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman for his marriage counselings. But did you know that the five love languages can also be applied to ourselves and not only to our significant other? So what is your self-love love language and what can you do about it? There are so many love language quizzes out there on the internet. Go ahead, take one, and see what you find out.

Why is it important to understand love languages?

Understanding love languages can help us to become better communicators. This enables us to strengthen our relationship with ourselves and with others. “We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.” — Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages. Very true. In other words, we should also be willing to recognise and learn our own love language to be able to understand ourselves better, to appreciate and accept us as us. “You have the capacity to meet your own deep emotional need to feel loved; when your emotional love tank is full and you feel secure in your own love, the whole world looks bright and you will move to reach your highest potential in life, when your love tank is empty and you feel used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and you will likely never reach your potential for good in the world.” — Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages.

How do you do it?

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, he said “the number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by one’s imagination.” Here are some self-love ideas and tips. But remember, the other four non-primary love language is just as important as your primary love language.

Receiving Gifts — visual symbols of love

Receiving gifts is one of the easiest love language to learn. Receiving gifts in the form of self-love language does not aways have to be shopping or food. It can just be a small reward such as allowing yourself to take a nap or go out for a walk after a hard day of work. It can also be investing in yourself such as taking a creative hobby, learning something new, eating and sleeping better. Receiving gifts does not always have to be a major financial expense. Sure, the occasional parcel arrival at your front door is exciting as well. But select gifts that you are comfortable purchasing. There is no need to always wait for a special occasion to gift yourself a gift. If your primary love language is receiving gift, a gift to yourself can provide you more motivation and inspiration. For example, if you are starting to hit a slump in your workouts, maybe buying new workout clothes or equipment can help you recharge your energy.

Words of Affirmation — verbal compliments, words of appreciation

Compliments, positive affirmations and encouragements helps us to become motivated, inspired, and secure. However, there are researches that mentions daily positive affirmations to ourselves do not work as they target the conscious level and not the unconscious level of the mind. Even so, many people who practice daily affirmations shared they experience positive and inspiring energy.

Daily affirmations can be practiced by looking into the mirror and saying any simple statement out loud, “I create the life I want to live” or “I’m proud of you” with confidence and conviction.

If giving yourself a pep talk is uncomfortable for you, journaling is also a way to help. “Journaling is like whispering to one’s self and listening at the same time.” — Mina Murray. There are so many benefits in journaling. It helps you organise your thoughts, it helps you to self-reflect. A way to start journaling is to first set aside 10 minutes a day, don’t overthink, and just write. It does not have to be a masterpiece because journaling is not about writing a masterpiece. No one is going to read it (not unless you want them to). Journaling is the time where you can write whatever first comes to mind without fear of judgement. It’s a brain dump. If holding a pen and writing on a piece of paper is not your thing, you can download apps such as DayOne to journal from your laptop or your phone.

Quality time — undivided attention, being present

Being present and giving yourself the undivided attention you deserve. Spend some time alone to enjoy your hobbies or to de-stress. “A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Togetherness has to do with focused attention.” — Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages. Quality time can also be quality activities. For instance, when going to the gym or joining a gym class, instead of training and checking your phone every minute, put your phone on don’t disturb mode and focus only what’s right in front of you. It can also be meditating, or reading or any hobby. By giving what you’re doing that undivided attention, you know that you are already investing that time just for your own personal growth and development.

Physical touch — reinforces your presence

Touch is a powerful communicator of love. “Physical touch can make to break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.” — Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages. Physical touch does not necessarily need to be intimacy. The cuddles and hugs with your loved ones is not the only way. Showing love to ourselves in the form of physical touch can be what makes you feel good, such as a massage, a facial or skin care, or even long showers etc. Explore and find what makes you feel relaxed and calm. For me, it’s my morning and evening skincare routine, and also the occasional chiropractic bone cracks.

Acts of Service — doing it for you

Gary Chapman explains acts of service as to express love by doing things for your significant other. Thus, it can also be applied to ourselves by doing things for ourselves. “Do it for you” is a common phrase we hear all the time in this era. For instance, you can choose to wear make up and groom ourselves, just because you feel more ready and confident for the day. Or you can choose to schedule and plan things ahead because it helps you feel accomplished. Changing our environment can also be an act of service. Cleaning and organising where we work and live at can spark joy in some people. Acts of service in self-love helps us feel more grounded and secure.

So here we are, 5 love languages. Find our what’s yours and show yourself some more love. There’s nothing wrong with a little more self-love and self-care right?