The Role of Upbringing, Culture and Instincts in Conflict Management
By: Sorin Dumitrascu
Tags: Conflict Management, Leadership, Management, Teamwork, Conflict Resolution

The Role of Upbringing, Culture and Instincts in Conflict Management

To change your behavior, you have to understand what you are changing

Photo by SIphotography on depositphotos

Different Views of Conflict

Everyone has a slightly different view on conflict. Some people believe conflict should be avoided at all costs, while others relish conflict and do everything they can to foster it. Most people’s view lies somewhere in between these two extremes.

Two forces govern a person’s attitude to conflict: upbringing and national culture. These two forces are explored over the coming paragraphs.

Upbringing

As you experience conflict throughout your life, you may moderate and perhaps control your instinctive childhood responses. But the power of instinct should not be underestimated. At times of stress, most people will still react without thinking. This is when your ingrained responses will emerge most powerfully.

Experiences before the age of seven are particularly influential on attitudes later in life. People experience a huge range of conflict in childhood, from disagreements about television to acrimonious divorce. Young children soak all this up, and this may have profound impacts on how they deal with conflict as adults.

For example, a man who as a child witnessed his parents constantly argue before they eventually divorced, may now, in adult life, want to avoid all types of conflict because he feels it always results in unhappiness.

On the other hand, a man who grew up with several feisty brothers may have become accustomed to intense competition and so, as an adult, may be quite eager to engage in conflict.

National culture

Researcher Geert Hofstede investigated the way that national culture influences behavior. One aspect of his analysis, which is relevant to conflict in the workplace, is the extent to which cultures are collectivist or individualistic.

Collectivism — these are cultures in which the interests of the group prevail over the interests of the individual. These cultures believe that harmony should always be maintained, and direct confrontations should always be avoided. The word no is seldom used, because it is confrontational. Instead, they say: You may be right.

— these are cultures in which the interests of the group prevail over the interests of the individual. These cultures believe that harmony should always be maintained, and direct confrontations should always be avoided. The word no is seldom used, because it is confrontational. Instead, they say: You may be right. Individualism — in these cultures, speaking your mind is a virtue. People believe that a clash of opinions leads to a higher truth. Telling the truth, even if it hurts other people, is considered to be the right thing to do.

According to Hofstede, the US epitomizes the individualistic type of culture, and Far East countries are examples of collectivist cultures.

If you want to be effective in handling conflict, then you have to be able to move beyond your instinctive responses. That means you need to pinpoint where they come from — your childhood or your national culture — and establish how powerful a factor they are.

Understanding Instincts in Conflict

It is a basic rule of psychology that if you want to change your behavior, you have to understand what you are doing now. This applies in many situations, but never more so than when dealing with conflict.

People handle conflict instinctively. In other words, they act without thinking. So to change that behavior, they must think carefully, openly, and honestly about their responses.

When two people are in a dispute, how they react depends upon their attitudes towards two main elements: goals and relationships.

Goals

Your goals are the results that you want from the dispute. You must decide how important these goals are to you and how far you are ready to go to achieve them.

Relationships

When caught in a conflict, you must determine for yourself how important your relationships with the other parties are. Do you need to remain on good terms with them after the dispute?

The goal and relationship elements are in a constant state of tension during conflicts. How you manage one will affect the other. But it is possible to manage both and strike the balance that suits you best.

Instinct

But it is important that your calculations of your goals and relationships are not clouded by your instinctive reactions to conflict. Therefore, the first step towards balancing your goals and relationships is to clearly identify your instinctive reactions to conflict. Your instincts could lead you to:

Dislike conflict, value relationships — you do not like conflict because you think it means that people will not like you, and you want to be liked. So when you are in a conflict situation, the other person’s view of you is more important than winning the argument.

— you do not like conflict because you think it means that people will not like you, and you want to be liked. So when you are in a conflict situation, the other person’s view of you is more important than winning the argument. Relish conflict, seek goals, promote relationships — you see conflict as a problem to be solved, with both sides equally involved. You will not be satisfied with a half-hearted solution, but will push for a decision that is synergistic. You see conflicts as opportunities.

— you see conflict as a problem to be solved, with both sides equally involved. You will not be satisfied with a half-hearted solution, but will push for a decision that is synergistic. You see conflicts as opportunities. Dilute goals to nurture relationships — you believe in a shared approach to conflict — that if both sides give and take, then everybody will be happy.

— you believe in a shared approach to conflict — that if both sides give and take, then everybody will be happy. Believe you cannot handle conflict — you may withdraw from conflict situations, and give in rather than argue. During conflicts, you feel anxious and unhappy, because you feel that the outcome is always bad for you.

— you may withdraw from conflict situations, and give in rather than argue. During conflicts, you feel anxious and unhappy, because you feel that the outcome is always bad for you. Value goals more than relationships — you have to have your way. If this means damaging the relationship with the other person, then so be it. Your tactics involve overpowering the opposition and sometimes even intimidation.

Once you identify your instinctive approach to conflict, you can begin to develop better ways of handling it when it occurs.