Learning To Challenge Self-Defeating Beliefs
By: Works Counseling Center
Tags: Confidence

Before we get into anything deep and reflective, let me just tell you something — You are COMPETENT, you are CAPABLE, you are CONFIDENT, and most importantly you are COMPLETE. Now that you have been affirmed with positive affirmations, let’s be honest, it has not always been easy to feel all of those uplifting adjectives. If you are someone that has never questioned your abilities please teach us others a few things.

No, seriously, it has taken me some intense reflection and self work to truly accept that I am capable of big things and what is in store for me is already prepared and planned. I found myself as a therapist in training truly questioning “am I competent?” “Is this the right field for me?” “Maybe I should consider doing something else” and the big one that I am sure you can relate to, “am I good enough?” Listen, let’s just stop right there! You are more than good. You are more than great. You are COMPETENT, CAPABLE, CONFIDENT, and COMPLETE and do not let anyone ever make you feel any different — not even yourself.

There were so many aspects not just in my career that I felt inadequate or incompetent. As a mother, fiancé, and friend, I always decided I fell short in every role but that was further from the truth. I had to talk to God, my therapist (yes, you can do both), my support system, and truly self-reflect. I really had to take a back seat and not allow my negative thoughts to consume me. I decided to take control of my passion, dreams, and goals. I was no longer in a headspace that others opinions were able to decide if I was competent, capable, confident or complete.

Now just for a moment, reflect on a time where you felt inadequate or at your lowest point that nothing you could say or do would change your mind. It’s hard to believe people have moments where they lack extreme competence or confidence because we’re all supposed to be born “perfect, right?” WRONG! So far from the truth. It happens to the best of us and you are not alone in the way that you feel. The reflection is “how long do you choose to hold on to those negative thoughts of yourself.”

When I began to write the words, COMPETENT, CAPABLE, CONFIDENT, AND COMPLETE, I remember how often I felt those words did not describe me and it hurt. I did not like the fact that I thought of myself as incompetent. I would watch others succeed at the very things I believed I worked hard for or display the poise that I believe to possess. I would sulk in those negative cognitions and believe maybe I did not deserve a seat at the table of courage. I played myself so small that my family and friends would have to shake me out of my thoughts or my therapist would have to help me shift my faulty cognitive patterns that would once consume me.

As you are reading this, my hope is not that you snap out of those pessimistic beliefs immediately, because it takes practice, a lot of practice. My hope is that you honor the human and real feelings that we all experience at some point in life. These very reasonings increases your self-awareness and honor what other people push away. It gives you the courage to say “I’ve been down in the dumps before but I know how to get myself out.” Having these thoughts of myself did not make me weak but it allowed me the space to say “if you feel this way, what are you going to do to change it?” “How will you use this moment to encourage others?” “What can you do to make a difference?”

Now here I am a private practice therapist recognizing the capabilities I once believed I did not have. I gave myself a few moments to be scared but I did not stay there forever. I learned the skills to challenge those negative thoughts and feelings that made me believe I was not capable. Once you achieve the belief that you are CONFIDENT, CAPABLE, COMPETENT, and COMPLETE it will feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulder. You will be able to look at yourself, be proud of the strides and bravery it took to believe in who you are.

I challenge you to be honest with yourself when times get tough, strength falls weak, and remember you are not alone. Feeling incomplete does not have one target, so the next time you think you are not capable of big things look at yourself and applaud how far you have come because I am certain it is further than where you have been before. Remember to stay CONFIDENT, CAPABLE, COMPETENT, AND COMPLETE.

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