First of Three Fundamental Problems of Mind
By: Prakash Kushwah
Tags: Life Lessons, Wisdom, Love, Personal Growth, Spirituality

The three core problems that operate within each one of us and cause suffering are:

Possessiveness — Not prepared to let go or give freedom, feeling to have control and full ownership. Excessive attachment to what we have got.

Desires — Craving to have something which we don’t have right now. Or pushing out certain elements that we don’t like. The degree of clinging or the aversion decides the intensity of problems.

Ego — the false sense of self, created out of identification with the transient entities. This gives the sense of identity, the separateness from all that exists “out there”.

Attachment and ignorance are common in all three problems. Let us first contemplate on possessiveness.

In recent years I have found that recognizing any problem as a problem is the first step. Clearly understanding its rising, various forms it takes, and the suffering it leaves behind. So we will start with how we recognize it, and then understand its ill effects and ultimately see what we can we do to dissolve the issues.

How do we recognize the possessiveness

Let us see from various angles and situations how possessiveness expresses itself and creates some sort of pain, conflict, or negativity. Below, have given signals when we are possessed by possessiveness in different scenarios?

Relations. When we want to control the other person as per our desires, beliefs, and suitability. When we feel struggles, conflicts, verbal attacks, or withdrawals in our relationships.

Worldly possessions and money. When we derive ego, claim ownership, feel more secure due to possessions, compete and compare with others, experience jealousy for less or arrogance for more, seek pleasure, and create craving to hoard more.

Religion, faith, knowledge. When we convince others too much about our ideas, faith, and prove others wrong. Indulge in arguments, comments, fights, differences in the name of religion or faith.

Mind. When we overthink, control the thoughts, feel resistance within, clinging or aversion — then our mind is in possessive mode. In its tendency to control the uncontrollable it is losing control.

Body. When we are worrying about height, weight, looks, clothes, health, comforts, death — then we are becoming possessive about the body.

Ego or Little “me”. If we are taking tension about self-image, the social quo, demanding respect, or afraid of losing reputation then we are attached excessively to our false sense of self.

How do we dissolve the attachments?

What we cannot control needs to be understood

In this world, everything is in transition — it is ever-changing. We have no control over it to any extent. This is governed by universal laws, which work perfectly in our interests, we accept it or not. All our attempts to control, own, personalize, hoard not only go waste but also conditions the mind to multiply the suffering. We become addicted to blind reactions and rigid judgments.

No matter how much we hoard money or worldly possessions, it is never enough. Somewhere we have to draw a line and use it for good. Good use is much more important than earning. It needs wisdom. If we don’t use it well then it is just a paper waste. Money may seem to give a false sense of security but that is fleeting and becomes boredom later. We live in fear of losing what we have gathered in ignorance.

If we cling to relations then also we suffer. Either we will leave them or they will leave us. We can use the limited time in fostering love, care, and belongingness instead of controlling each other or clinging pointlessly. If we contemplate then there is no choice other than love and freedom.

Sense of Temporariness

We cannot fight with attachment. It is not that visible and is present in the mental process we may use to treat it. In ignorance, struggling to eliminate it often strengthens it. We should contemplate whether it is possible to hold on to something forever? The answer would be a NO in each case and it will remind us of the temporariness of all matters in our life. We have to remember and remind quite often this temporariness and build up the wisdom gradually. The wisdom of the nature of change and temporariness will dissolve the attachment and keep us in balance and harmony.

Give up the ownership and control of others

Become a manager but not the owner of things. Do not let anyone misuse it but let others share and use it wherever it makes sense to do so. As we do not want to be controlled by others, we must not control others too. Pay more attention to the belongingness, care, duties towards others. We must respect their rights on us and loosen our rights at them. This will not let develop further attachment and moreover will dissolve the past accumulated pain as well.

Shift attention within the body and make it a keystone habit

Whenever we feel tense, possessive, and trying to control this or that. Then without judging or creating panic — just observe the body parts, body feelings from within, breathing, and soak yourself at this moment. Attend to what is happening now with full attention, especially inside the body. Do not label any thought or feeling as good or bad. Just be curious and observe. Allow any tension or sensations to be there. Do not resist or cling to anything. Do not drive it out or want it to stay longer. As much as we observe, effortlessly and unconditionally, various physical and mental phenomena then we will begin to see the connection between tensions and possessiveness or other mental impurities. In the long run, we will begin to avoid the behaviors that cause these tensions. And in the process of pure observation, we will weaken the tendency to label and react to what happens inside. We will learn to accept reality as it is and cooperate with the healing and cleansing process of Nature.

Serve and pray for wellness for all

This is about using the power of faith and intention to solve our problems. Prayer is a powerful way to foster a connection with all beings. Possessiveness can also be looked at as a ringfenced connection giving rise to excessive attachment with me and my world and indifference with the rest. Prayer and good wishes for all weaken this limited connection.

The best times to pray are just after we wake up from sleep, just before going to sleep, after the meditation sessions, or at times when we feel happy and grateful. These feelings of love and connection when become strong give rise to meaningful work and acts of compassion.

Summary

The first challenge is to recognize it as a problem and analyze the suffering possessiveness brings, even retrospectively. The second is to reach to a level when we can observe the impurity and its effects in real-time and weaken the impacts and patterns. Turn the direction of suffering to positive transformation. The final and ongoing challenge is to sustain the practice, pick up again if discontinued for whatever reasons. Be gentle and patient with self. Repeat the above two steps over and over until all the toxic habit patterns are dissolved. Attachment is fully transformed into belongingness, love, compassion, and meaningful work. Ignorance is transformed into light of wisdom developed experientially and patiently.

The details on the other two core problems — desires and ego — we will contemplate in next posts.

Best wishes,

Prakash