What your fear of failure is really telling you
Tags: Growth Mindset, Self Improvement, Fear Of Failure, Self Love, Self-awareness

How to make the fear of failure work for you

1. Go weeding

Does the fear of failure fire you up to think creatively and work harder at it? Or, does the thought of what failure would show on you make it impossible to reach that perfection level ideal to get started?

Understand that fear is a survival technique. And as such, your subconscious mind will use every creative trick in its bag to keep you safe. But you need to get to the root of your fears to be able to identify and weed out the limiting irrational ones.

Ask, what is it you fear would be the result? Why do you believe it’s a possibility that’s going to happen? Is it something you were conditioned to believe growing up? Did a past experience leave you believing it’s the only possible outcome of what you are going to do?

Image by Anncapictures from Pixabay

For example, if you grew up thinking you weren’t the athletic type, it would make it harder to add running to your fitness routine. Digging deeper into that belief might show you some small or big failure in the past or a lack of interest in sports.

But situations and interests change all the time. How does what happened in the past guarantee what your results will be ‘now’ if you learnt from your mistakes and really tried?

Take small manageable steps. Every little win will dig the idea deeper into your mind that failure is never final unless you make it so.

2. Let go:

Remember, circumstances might not be in your control, but giving your best or not, always is. If the outcome isn’t in your control, why not just let go of it?

Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from taking imperfect action when the perfect plan means constant postponement. The probability of missing the shot is 100% if you never take it.

Overwhelming situations can make us feel as if we have lost our grip on things and so just want to chuck everything and let things be. How do you know when it’s because of a fear of failure and not because there’s too much on your plate? If it’s the thought of how things are going to end and not how you are able to manage the situation right now, it’s the failure-fixation showing up.

If you do fail, go through the emotions first. Then shift your focus to what you can learn from it. And finally, decide on your next step and move on. When we keep practicing this, it takes the bite off of what we imagine failure might feel like.

3. Mind that self-talk:

One of the biggest fears holding me back for years, sticking to the known and safe, had been — the embarrassment of making a fool of myself in front of others. And also, the other extreme, what if no one noticed my efforts or wins…the need for constant outside validation.

The biggest promoters of the fear of failure is a love for comfort zone and the need to keep proving our smartness. So, be mindful of

how you talk to yourself, and

how you value your self-worth.

Image from Pixabay

Be less judgmental of your mistakes and more compassionate in how you interpret your actions. A failure doesn’t make you a loser, it just shows you weren’t prepared enough in that space of time for what was asked of you.

4. Redefine ‘failure’:

Failure and self-worth are two very different things. Being able to look at failure as an event and not as a commentary on your capacity, shows emotional maturity. Not succeeding at something doesn’t prove anything against your smartness. It only highlights the limitations of your strategy.

Change is one of the biggest elements of a life worth living. It comes with the premise of failure, of growth, challenge, risks, and of success. It’s comfortable to stay within the limits of known and proven, but not worth all the unexplored potential.

5. Be convinced of your intention:

Imperfect action with the possibility of failure is far better than playing the endless waiting game of perfection.

If you’re convinced of the ‘why’ behind your action, it hardly matters what results you get. Because when you believe in the importance & relevance of your actions, it keeps you motivated to pick yourself up, dust off, and find a better way of doing things till you reach the goal.

To overcome the fear of failure in any area, ask yourself would you like things better if you never took action or if you did succeed, which is always a possibility? How would your life look if you didn’t have that fear? What would you learn even if you failed?

The outcome doesn’t matter if your actions are in line with your values, because having the courage to take the right action is a success in itself.