I’m A Sugar Baby — & I Make £10,000 A Month In An Exclusive Relationship
Tags: Money, Relationships, Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy, Dating

I’m A Sugar Baby — & I Make £10,000 A Month In An Exclusive Relationship Refinery29 UK Follow Jul 27 · 10 min read

By Jessica Chou

ILLUSTRATED BY ABBIE WINTERS.

In our first interview with a sugar baby, 32-year-old *Crystal Milan discussed what it was like to treat being a sugar baby like a job. But obviously, some people do choose the romance side of sugar dating — like Milan’s friend, Gail, who introduced her to the scene.

Here, we chat with the 33-year-old who met her current boyfriend on Arrangement.com — and is now in an exclusive relationship. Oh, and she makes £10,000 a month.

*Names have been changed.

How long have you been a sugar baby?

“Oh my gosh, I’ve been in the sugar dating scene for about 5 years. I moved to Atlanta to be a producer, but I wasn’t making that much money, and it was hard for me to make friends. It was also hard to find any good guys in the dating scene. I don’t even know if Tinder was around then, but the quality of people just wasn’t what I wanted.

I heard about the sugar baby scene through the grapevine and through some articles, so I thought I’d give it a try. I went into it originally thinking that I would find someone to hang out with, and it might turn into something else or help my network. In the end, though, I was going into it for companionship, to find a potential husband or suitor.”

Did that work out for you?

“It worked out really well for me. I’m in a committed relationship at this point with one gentleman, and it’s been interesting and beneficial for me.”

Wait, you’re in a committed relationship? How did that happen?

“My current arrangement is with a divorcé who is a little older; he’s almost 50. We started seeing each other two years ago, so our arrangement has changed over time. He was going through his divorce at the beginning, but after a few months of being together, it became a relationship. There are no other romantic partners involved on either end.

I went into this not knowing what the endgame would be, but now I’m like, this is the man I think I’m going to marry. He has a kid, and his kid and his ex-wife know me, but it was never presented as, ‘This is my sugar baby, I’m her sugar daddy.’”

How did that first conversation on exclusivity go?

“I was the one who initiated it, actually. I started really falling for him, and I was seeing him so often and doing so much with him. I casually asked what he thought about making this an exclusive arrangement, or whether he could see us getting out of this industry and becoming a more traditional relationship. We thought about it for a couple months, thought about what it would mean to us, and how much we were invested in each other. Both of us were hesitant at first — our relationship was created through these sugar dating websites, but we really talked about it, and ultimately agreed on it.

In terms of sex and emotional attachment, I’m just with that one person, but part of our agreement is that I’m able to go on dates with other people, to expand my network and career. He sees going on dates as my job, and for me I’m just trying to make sure I can pay my bills and have the lifestyle I want to live. I don’t really want him to go on any other dates right now, but it’s fine. He’s allowed to, but I’m assuming if our relationship were to progress to an engagement, we would both stop dating. We talk about marriage a lot, and I think he’s also ready for that, when the time is right.”

Do you refer to him as your boyfriend?

“I do think of him as my boyfriend and introduce him to people as my boyfriend and he calls me his girlfriend to his friends. But when I am going on other dates with sugar daddies I do not refer to him as my boyfriend. I don’t try to get that personal with them at that level. Some of the arrangements even require you to play that part, you know? That you’re theirs for the time being. And that’s fine.”

So what else is a part of your agreement?

“In my current relationship, our arrangement is that he pays for my rent, my leftover student loans, gifts, and trips. So currently, he probably gives me around $12,000 (£9,600) a month for living expenses. Even though we live together, I still have a separate apartment so that’s $2,700 (£2,160) a month for a 1-bedroom in Atlanta. My student loans I’m paying upwards of $2,000 (£1,600) a month because I’m really trying to pay them off. And I do save a part of it, and I’m trying to get involved in the stock market and look at options there for how to put money into retirement. With any relationship, whether it be through a sugar dating site or a traditional relationship, I think it’s important to make sure you secure yourself.”

What do you normally spend money on?

“By myself, I spend money on things for other people: wedding gifts for friends, presents for my parents or my sister. I spend money on electronics I guess; I get those quite frequently by myself — new Apple watches stuff like that. I’m really invested in networking and communications so I look at those things as necessary.”

Tell me about your past arrangements.

“My first arrangement was with another man. He was a doctor and he was a bit older, in his mid-30s. He came from money, so we did a lot of fundraisers and galas together. We were both allowed to see other people, and we were together for maybe 6 months. Then it started to feel like a commitment rather than something that was fun, so we both agreed to end it and wished each other well.

One arrangement was strictly about being a companion. Dinner twice a week — one Tuesday, one Thursday — and never on weekends. He was married, and his wife knew I was there to just talk. Honestly, I think he just wanted to chat with someone who wasn’t involved in his life. We would get dinner, have some awesome meals at the best restaurants, talk about whatever, and he would cover my dinners and pay for my rent in exchange for this companionship. The relationship ended, likely because his wife was probably tired of that. I can’t say for certain, but I can assume.

The inverse of my current relationship was an arrangement with a man that was strictly for sex. He was single, and he wanted to explore different things sexually. It was never weird or outside our comfort zones — we would always discuss and agree beforehand. He never actually gave me any kind of money, but he would buy me things like bags, shoes, clothes, and trips for me and a girlfriend to go to Miami for a weekend. He would treat me in different ways.”

What is your process when meeting a potential sugar daddy for the first time?

“I always do an initial meeting over drinks and dinner to get to know them a little bit more. If we decide we’re going to continue to see each other, I have another casual meeting, and the third time we engage, I have an in-person conversation about what we feel comfortable doing. With arrangements, all it comes down to is what you’re providing me, what I can provide you, and what’s off limits.”

What were your own rules when navigating the scene in the earlier years?

“I had strict rules for myself that I wouldn’t just sleep with people. I didn’t want to be caught in that scene. I would go on dates with people and I would make sure I felt comfortable with them before escalating it to anything romantic. If it was going to get romantic, I would always first decide how much of myself I was willing to give to this person.

There were certain times when people expected to go out to nightclubs and hookup, but I was never really comfortable with that. There were also people who asked for threesomes, which I said no to. But there were arrangements I’ve had that were involved sexually, and I’m not ashamed of that at all. Those arrangements felt very good to me, and they were positive experiences. What we wanted to do would be discussed up front to avoid a situation where someone might get hurt, or someone wasn’t comfortable.”

Do you have what you consider a going “rate”?

“Not really. This might sound horrible but yes, there have been some arrangements where I didn’t connect with them on a personal level, and I’m hanging out with them, and I might expect something, but there was never a moment where I’m like, this is how much my rate is.

It just varies so much. I’ve had people pay my rent. I’ve received a lot of bags and shoes and whatnot. I’ve definitely re-sold or gifted a lot of those, too. There’s a lot of jewellery, which I love, so I hang onto that stuff because I love all of that. The most extravagant gift was probably a private plane that I could use whenever I wanted, I just had to tell the guy when I wanted it and where I wanted to go. I used it to travel to California, Chicago, and New York. We went to Mexico a few times, but it was mostly domestic, like Vail, Austin, quick trips like that.

Even now, the amount of money with my boyfriend was never fully discussed. It started with gifts and trips and clothing and dinners and all of a sudden it was, ‘Well let me pay your rent and you can live more comfortably. Let me pay your student loans so you can live more comfortably.’

How much have you made over the years?

“Over the years, I’ve probably made a couple hundred thousand dollars reselling things. We’re talking Cartier bracelets and Tiffany diamonds, and some expensive items I didn’t need or didn’t want to hang onto. And I do pay taxes on what I make in sugar dating. I have an accountant who handles all of that just to make sure I don’t ever get in trouble with the IRS. I do freelance PR, social media, and content management stuff too, so a lot of this money is just part of income.”

How much did you put on your taxes last year?

“I’m not comfortable sharing that.”

Would you say this is the most you’ve ever made, though?

“Yes. Right now is my peak, in terms of cash flow. I get approximately $12,000 to $15,000 a month.”

So what does a typical week look like for you?

“A typical week for me involves working out. I try to be involved in the community — I love animals so I’m involved in some of the local organisations like animal rescue. I’m also a part of a few professional networking organisations so I go listen to panels. Almost every single evening is spent with my current partner, whether it’s dinners at home or doing something for his business, being a guest at those events. I try to take classes, learn more Photoshop skills, things I can do for an actual career when and if this ends and we get married. I’m trying to continue learning and continue being involved.”

What should someone expect going into the sugar dating world?

“As a sugar baby, you’re definitely going to go out to eat. You’re going to be treated to a lot of meals, a lot of drinks, and a lot of art events. Concerts, art openings, things like that. Not everyone travels because not everyone wants to, but you can. And then there’s the pampering that people get pretty frequently — blow out massages, days at the spa. As a woman, the best way to put it is that you’re being treated like a princess. If you want certain things and they’re okay with giving them, you can get them. You just have to ask for it.

That’s why I feel like this isn’t that different from a regular relationship. The only difference is that it’s expected that you ask for these things, and it’s not crass or inappropriate.”

Well that is a big difference…

“I guess if you were in a relationship, would you ask your boyfriend to pay your rent? Probably not, unless you were hard up for cash or you had been with him for a while. So this is just a little more open.”

In the last interview, there were a lot of people who definitely consider this sex work and had a lot of opinions…

“I don’t consider it sex work. These people aren’t prostitutes. It’s just a new way of doing things. It’s just a new way of trying things out and not everybody is sexual and not everybody is romantically involved. Sometimes, it’s just keeping someone company. I’ve had arrangements and I’m currently in a few that don’t have any type of romantic engagement.

I think that if someone does consider this sex work, I’d want to figure out what makes it different from going out to dinner with a man, having a man pay for dinner, and then sleeping with him and never seeing him again afterwards. What’s the difference? To me those lines are very fine.

I personally think everyone should be able to do what they want to do within their own boundaries, as long as everyone involved is comfortable and consenting. Come on. People want company, people want to be wanted. and if this is the way that they want to do, let them do it.”