A Short Story
Tags: Robots, Religion, Satire, Stupidity, Homophobia

John created a robot. It was a good robot. Then he created a second robot. The first robot, call it robot A, had a plug. The second robot, call it robot B, had a slot.

The robots, both kinds, were very useful each alone, but they became even more useful when robot A was able to interface with robot B, by putting it’s plug into the other’s slot. Connected together, the robots were able to achieve things neither robot could do alone.

John decided to make many many more of these robots, of both types.

For some unknown reason, John decided to add a slot to the A type robots that would accept the A type robot plugs, even though, having two A type robots connected would damage them both. He also, oddly, decided to make an adapter so two B type robots could connect, even though this was also damaging to both robots.

And to further the confusion, he programmed all the robots to hate any A types that connected to other A types, and any B types that connected to other B types.

To make matters even worse, there was a program bug in about 10 percent of each type, that made them actually WANT to connect to their own type. 10 Percent of the A type robots would constantly seek out other A types to connect to, even though it went against their core programming and was damaging to them, and the same was true of 10 percent of the B type robots.

And then John the creator of the robots decided it would make sense (we’ll never understand why he thought so) to create an entirely new series of both A and B type robots, but programmed in a different computer language. And he added a further level of programming to the original robots to make them antagonistic to the new types programmed in the second language; as well as making the second type robots antagonistic to the original types, programmed in the first language.

He didn’t repair any of the bugs even in the new types. The new A types still had a slot to accept the plug of other new A types, the new B types still had an adapter that would allow two B types to connect to each other, and it was still damaging for A types to connect to A types, and B types to connect to B types, and all the robots still had antagonism for any robots that connected to their own type AND he still included the bug that caused 10 percent of each new type to WANT to connect to it’s own type…

Needless to say, this was all a huge mess… all the robots hated any robots that connected to their own types, and the first series hated the second series, convinced that they (they first ones) were the only TRUE robots of their creator, while the second series (programmed in a different language, but otherwise identical) felt only THEY were the true robots and the first ones were a mistake. The two groups of robots, completely identical and with all the same bugs, yet programmed in two different languages, simply could not get along.

But John had a plan… he decided to copy his own mind and put it into one of the robots. Then he allowed all the first group of robots to smash the new robot containing the copy of his mind… he reasoned that this would then allow him to forgive all the robots… providing those robots accepted and believed that smashing the new robot would somehow absolve them. Nothing changed otherwise, 10 percent of all A type robots still wanted to connect to other A types, 10 percent of all B type robots still had an overwhelming imperative to connect to other B types, regardless of whether they were of the first generation or the second… and the first generation still hated the second, and the second still hated the first.

But John promised all the robots that if they merely accepted that the smashed robot had absolved them, and tried to overcome their otherwise incorrect desires (even though those incorrect desires had been programmed into them) that he would copy their programming into a permanent Hard Drive when their robot bodies wore out… but if they did not accept the smashed robot as their robot saviour, or if they continued to follow the bugs he had put into their programming and refused to correct, they would be copied into the most poorly written First Person Shooter Game, as targets for ever and ever…

Sounds pretty stupid doesn’t it? It’s called RELIGION. Maybe you ought to try THINKING for a change.