Mistletoe: The Parasitic, Poisonous Plant Perpetuated by Poop
By: Tracy Stengel
Tags: History, Relationships, Nonfiction, Society, The Bad Influence

Mistletoe: The Parasitic, Poisonous Plant Perpetuated by Poop

Photo by Kate Miheyeva on Unsplash

In 2020, kissing is just another thing Covid-19 stole from us, the rotten bastard! As someone who loves everything about all sorts of kisses, it makes me sad. Of course, I still kiss my husband, but no more playful kisses with babies, children, and friends. Butterfly kisses (eyelashes to cheek), European kisses (lips brush each cheek), Eskimo kisses (rubbing noses), pecks, chaste kisses, friendly kisses … I miss them all!

As I decorate the house for the holidays, I pull out our, “big ball of love” and start feeling nostalgic.

Mistletoe conjures up images of couples smooching in doorways beneath a cheery ball of greenery suspended by a festive ribbon and bow. Picture them with eyes closed and glowing cheeks. Add snowflakes gently falling outside the window. Paint in a fireplace to add some heat.

It’s all very romantic. Or is it?

Well, just like all things related to love and relationships, it gets complicated.

Get ready to kiss everything you know about mistletoe goodbye.

Mistletoe is a parasitic plant

Mistletoe is an opportunistic herb that evolved from the ancient sandalwood plant. The modern-day sandalwood includes the variety burned as incense. Over time, mistletoe developed into over a thousand species, most of which are parasitic. Instead of having roots in the soil, mistletoe roots muscle their way into the upper limbs of trees and suck the nutrients from its host and uses its lofty position to bask in the sun to soak up some energy.

Reminds me a of guy I used to date.

The mistletoe is generally propagated by birds. To me, it seems like a shitty way to replicate, but I’ll let dictionary.com explain it properly:

As for the roots of mistle, that etymology is obscure, though the word has cousins in Germanic languages. Because mistletoe can be spread through birds’ feces, it is possible that mistle derives from an obsolete, Germanic-derived noun mix, meaning “dung, filth.” So we can safely say this has nothing whatsoever to do with your toes. That plant you’re kissing under could be … a “dung-twig.”

It is believed to be a healer, but it can be a killer

Mistletoe dates back thousands of years to when the Romans and Greeks revered it as an herb capable of healing an array of disorders from menstrual cramps to epilepsy. Some other uses include predicting the future and ingesting it after being poisoned.

Sadly, these genius civilizations could be heralded for their contributions in medicine, mathematics, and engineering, but they have it all wrong with the mistletoe. The innocent looking herb causes vomiting and painful stomach cramps, not to mention the tea made from berries is lethal if consumed in high quantities.

The link between mistletoe and virility/fertility is in the seed

The seeds of the mistletoe are encapsulated in juicy berries which have a sticky consistency similar to semen. Perhaps this is what made the Celtic Druids of the 1st century A.D. believe mistletoe could restore virility and fertility to humans and animals. Or it could be because the plant blossoms even during the coldest winters. Either way, in those times, it is viewed as a sacred symbol.

Mistletoe found on the oak tree is particularly prized and gathered during the Summer solstice and the Winter solstice. Why the oak tree? I can only guess because of its girth, height, and hard wood it makes for an obvious phallic symbol long before Freud was around to point it out.

In a tradition having nothing to do with Christmas, the Celtic Druids decorated their homes with mistletoe during the solstice with hopes of prosperous times ahead.

Victorian England brings mistletoe and misogyny to Christmas

During the 18th century, it becomes commonplace to hang mistletoe for good luck in homes at Christmastime. By the Victorian Era, it is believed the servants are the ones who started the tradition of kissing under it, which eventually spread to the middle class.

Back then, a woman underneath a hanging mistletoe is fair game to men with lonely lips. If the woman pushes him away, she is ridiculed.

And the Ice Queen better not expect any marriage proposals for at least a year!

No man will touch her now! That should show her!

I will never try to kiss that dead fish again!

More than likely, she’ll end up an old maid!

With all the social pressure on women back then to “perform” under the mistletoe, it becomes the perfect spot to hang out for a woman bored with her husband or a young lady with strict parents.

Her response to their ire could be, “I didn’t know it was up there!”

Or maybe just, “Oops!”

It is used for barbaric means

According to Johnathon Briggs, a European botanist and mistletoe expert, mistletoe can be used for evil purposes, Birdlime is a sticky substance derived from the juice of mistletoe berries used to capture small birds. People spread birdlime on tree branches and when a bird lands, it is easily captured by hand. The unsuspecting birds are then sold or eaten.

In most countries, the use of birdlime to obtain small birds is illegal, but unfortunately, in some countries, the brutal and unsportsmanlike practice is still happening.

Takeaway

My mistletoe hangs in our entryway, even though only a few guests grace our doorway this holiday season. After my research, I feel like I’ve seen the ancient beauty naked, flaws and all. It proves that a symbol of love can grow out of a pile of (bird) shit and a selfish, parasitic plant can inspire people to come together.

Under the humble mistletoe, bonds are formed, and reputations are sullied. We can choose to see the good in all things or focus on the bad.

In the ugliest of years, I’m going to end 2020 focusing on beauty.

From my home to yours, we wish you the happiest of New Years!