Divorced Person’s Thanksgiving
By: Roz Warren
Tags: Roz Warren, Family, Thanksgiving, Holidays, Pandemic

Divorced Person’s Thanksgiving

My Turkey Day Celebration Has Gone Through Some Changes

Photo by Preslie Hirsch on Unsplash

My ex got custody of Thanksgiving in the divorce. Our son would be spending Thanksgiving with his father in New Hampshire, and I’d be all alone on that special Thursday in November that Americans usually spend with family.

My friend Mark was in the same boat. On Thanksgiving, his daughters would be with his ex.

“Let’s spend Thanksgiving together,” I suggested.

We dubbed it “Divorced Person’s Thanksgiving.” It sure wasn’t traditional. It wasn’t a large family group, just the two of us. And it wasn’t a feast. Both of us are light-eaters and mediocre cooks. The last thing we wanted was to spend the day in the kitchen. We did want to acknowledge the holiday, but neither of us liked turkey enough to want to actually cook one. However, Mark made delicious chili. So we decided to go with turkey chili.

It turned out to be a lovely day. I read out loud to Mark as he cooked. The chili was outstanding. We relaxed in front of the fire with our books, then walked to the library where I worked to empty the book drop. A stroll home was followed by coffee and pumpkin pie.

We both missed our kids. (Although I can’t say I missed getting stuck in holiday traffic, dealing with family tensions, and over-eating.) But we’d begun our very own two-person Thanksgiving tradition.

For over a decade, Mark and I spent Thanksgiving together. The turkey chili, over time, morphed into vegetarian chili, and then vegan chili. Otherwise, our holiday didn’t change much. We’d enjoy a quiet meal, followed by an afternoon relaxing by the fire.

And emptying the library book drop became as much a part of Thanksgiving as pumpkin pie.

I always missed my son on a day that’s as much a celebration of family as it is of anything else, but when Thanksgiving rolled around, Mark and I enjoyed each other’s company, grateful for another good year.

Mark and I parted company four years ago. But by then I was spending Thanksgiving with my son, now happily married and living in California. It was something I looked forward to doing for many years to come.

Then the pandemic arrived.

At 66, traveling to California in the middle of a pandemic just isn’t safe. So this year, I’ll be attending a socially-distanced outdoor Thanksgiving celebration in my sister’s back yard. Rather than a big gang of extended family around the table there will be just five of us — sitting at a safe distance from each other. But we’ll enjoy a festive meal and pumpkin pie and each other’s company.

I know I’ll have a wonderful time, even though I’ll miss being with my son, my daughter-in-law and my two perfect grandsons.

By next Thanksgiving I hope to be back in California. But if there’s anything my ever-changing Thanksgiving celebration has taught me, it’s that to enjoy the day you’ve got to be willing to be flexible and adapt — to give up the notion of an Ideal Thanksgiving and savor the one you have.

My Thanksgiving celebration may not always be traditional — but my feelings of gratitude for this wonderful day surely are.

( Writing Coach and Medium Sherpa Roz Warren writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, has been included in 13 Chicken Soup for the Soul collections, and is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor. Get in touch at roSwarren@gmail.com)