How to Build a Ship to Overcome Adversity
By: Isabella Yuki Ho
Tags: Mindset Shift, Leadership Development, Motivation

Sharon Pakir at Leadership Masterclass 2020

Life was going well for Sharon Pakir when out of the blue, her uterus ruptured while she was six months pregnant with her second child. It was a life-threatening complication that affects only one in 14,000 pregnancies. By the time she made it to a hospital, she was already on the brink of death, and her newborn was also not breathing.

Before that turning point, Sharon’s life was the archetype of a success story. She moved to Australia and started two businesses at just 25 years old. After building a family with her husband, they were blessed with wonderful careers. But in an instant, the rug was pulled out from under her. On top of struggling with her physical and emotional pain, she had to attend to her two young children while running her businesses at the same time.

A few years later, Sharon is able to share her experiences with us, about how she adapted and overcame this unexpected adversity, and what it took to prevail in the long and strenuous journey of recovery. Referencing one of her favourite metaphors on preparing for adversity, you are the captain of your very own ship and you have the responsibility of ensuring that your ship is strong enough to navigate through adversity.

Here is a guide to building your very own ship!

1. Anticipate All Weather Conditions

It is impossible to anticipate all weather conditions, and challenges may arise when you least expect it. When things are smooth-sailing, remember to channel energy into self-improvement. Actively seek methods and strategies to grow stronger every single day, be it physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Resilience is an invaluable resource in the face of adversity, as being able to adapt and persevere would make the biggest difference in determining whether we emerge victorious. For Sharon, developing a positive mindset was imperative.

Sharon decided to focus on the silver lining instead — things could have been worse. She could have passed away, her baby could have died as well. She chose to view recovery as a job, investing an immense amount of effort, time, and energy in the process. Part of her job scope was to also make the situation better for herself and the people around her every single day.

The journey of overcoming adversity differs for everyone, and it is often overlooked that recovery may take much longer than expected. So be sure to pack enough for the long haul!

2. Having A Safe Inner Deck

Along with dealing with situations as they come, it is important for you to find a safe space to reflect and seek solace. For people who don’t have the luxury of a physical haven, the best place to retreat into would be your own mind. Cultivate your mind such that it becomes a safe space to retreat to in times of crisis.

But even as you withdraw yourself from situations, remember your responsibility to your loved ones and peers, and find the motivation to pick yourself up again.

It is common to have urges to channel frustrations to others, and when you catch yourself falling down that spiral, that safe deck in your head will come in handy. Reflect on the reasons why you are acting out as such, find a safe avenue, be it a person or activity, to vent and remove the negative energy. After this, find the appropriate reaction to the situation at hand, without the irrationality that may be associated with strong emotions.

Finding inspiration you can always tap on within your inner deck is paramount too. For Sharon, she had her father as her role model. He was a tenacious fighter, impeccable communicator, and above all, filled with kindness and respect for others. Other than her father, Sharon shared her secret of drawing inspiration from everywhere — strangers, friends and co-workers. She found that her curiosity paid off in profound ways, as she picked up interesting perspectives that she had not considered before.

3. Bring Your Trusted Crew

Sharon found herself doing something she had never done before — asking for help. Even though she was not used to it, her intimate social circle was a group that she heavily relied on. Tying this back to the ship analogy, if your ship is sinking, there comes a time where you should be willing to accept help from external sources. However, be selective about who you spend your time with and who you let into your inner circle.

People in your close circle should have similar outlooks, but still be able to challenge you when need be, while being a safe space for you when you are down. Sharon’s group of friends had created a Facebook group for her, working out a schedule to assist Sharon with her everyday essentials. For six months, Sharon was able to receive practical help with her specific needs.

Even after choosing who you allow onboard your ship, you can be selective with where you allow your energy to flow. Choosing what you want and need to hear, and from who, is also crucial to preserving your already limited energy. Like an onion with you as the core, structure your social circle in layers, where you allow the negative energy to flow out, and only have positive energy flowing towards you.

4. Being the Best Captain

As the leader, it is important to remember that leadership starts with you, and not a title or designation. Even while filling your ship with like-minded people, it is common to have a vision that others don’t see. In the face of such frustration, having the right mindset is important to press on in the face of loneliness. Choosing the path of leadership can be one of solitude as well, but trusting in the process as well as what you believe in, the leadership journey can always become an exceptional voyage.

Conclusion

After three years, Sharon can now safely say that she has largely recovered from the trauma, with a healthy mind, body, and family, along with booming businesses. Although it may not be the conventional success story, her tale has conversely become even more inspirational. After making a comeback from her struggle, she now has amazing insights into the value of living with gratitude and leading with empathy.

Our problems come in different shapes and sizes, and no approach can offer a one-size-fits-all guarantee. However, if you make the conscientious effort to make your ship stronger every day, when difficulties do arise, you will be better able to overcome it with resilience.

These tips were shared as part of the Leadership Masterclass series, held in collaboration with The Birthday Collective.

Find out how Halogen Foundation can partner you to build greater resilience.