How to identify an abuser? Analyze their humor!
By: Anastasiya Rostova
Tags: Humor, Abuse, Violence, Verbal Abuse, Violence Against Women

As people are reading and sharing around my series on moral harassment techniques, I decided to add more content covering the traits of character many abusers have. Being informed, you will be able to identify a dangerous person early and avoid them. Your mental health is more important than anything an abuser may offer you. In fact, they buy the right to torture you making you strongly depend on them.

This humor is unwanted, but abusers use our politeness to bomb us with their jokes. Photo source: Unsplash

Normally, the abuser is described as a cruel, rude, hostile person prone to easily lose their temper. However, it’s only one side of the medal. As you can guess, such a personality would never attract anyone. Nevertheless, the predator needs a victim to practice torture and meet their perverted sexual needs. This is why they have to pretend a different person, overly nice, super supportive, warm, loving, and understanding you like no one else. They wear a mask to get people hooked on this false persona. This is why spotting the red flags is so important. Let’s start this new series with discussing the typical aggressor’s sense of humor.

Disclaimer. This blog post is written by a former victim, not a psychology genius.

Jokes at Someone’s Expense

Predators love jokes at someone’s expense. They track people’s failures. They look for what others have done wrong. They spot every mistake of their fellow humans. They adore physical inabilities. They surround themselves with people incapable of something to feel superior. They need an ass to kick and have the right to do it as a husband, a boss, a parent, etc. They always seek for that “you’re a fool and I am not” situation.

You’re so plump that I would say that you’re pregnant, but you’re a male.

You’re a good organizer except for letting people get lost here all the time.

I’ve ordered sea urchins for you knowing that you are a conservative dude.

You should have watched the previous speaker, that bunch of f*ck-ups was amusing.

Personal jokes help the abuser gain junk superiority at your expense. Photo source: Unsplash

These jokes leave the after-taste of uneasiness because the predator goes passive-aggressive. These jokes are always personal, they always target someone. Even their compliments smell somewhat awful (“hey, these nice ribbons resemble me of my auntie… at her funeral”). They are always probing the ground for more violence and humiliation. Don’t ever think it’s funny and have no doubt that they target you in your absence, too.

Violence-Based Jokes

Aggressors approve of violence but try to conceal it. Yet, their selection of jokes might speak for itself. They enjoy cruel jokes where people are killed, tortured, deprived of their freedom, traumatized, or pissed off. They like cruelty practiced over people. They enjoy someone being in extremely bad condition, and they find it amusing and entertaining.

Repeated violence-related patterns mean that you deal with an abuser. Photo source: Unsplash

Watch out for memes with zombies, dead people, handcuffed victims, someone tied or someone’s body packed. Of course, we all might be spreading dark humor, especially when we are in a challenging situation, however, if a person demonstrates a persistent affection for control and violence, it’s a bad sign. They may want to apply this to you someday. Avoid them.

Strange & Disgusting Humor

Very often aggressors spot and share things that make people startle. Something very unusual, something super disgusting, something out of place. They seek extreme emotions, and they like to shock people with strange, often embarrassing behaviors.

Shock is the predator’s way to make you helpless and get hold of you. Photo source: Unsplash

Watch out for strange and disgusting objects. “Why are you staring at me as if I am a corpse”, — that’s the predator’s usual start of a conversation. Necrophilic agenda might be the case — sadistic personalities like dead or otherwise fully controlled objects. If you are smiling and not going to escape, they’ll target you as a victim — first, for mental, emotional, verbal abuse. Then… who knows. They are addicted to violence and always need more torture.

Sex & Shit Jokes

Predators like playing with people’s instincts. They will bring a sexual agenda to where it doesn’t belong. They can ask for permission to make ‘a slightly inappropriate joke’ and then enjoy you turning red because of their endless dirty hints and bad gender-based humor humiliating you in front of others. This situation will be wrapped up as ‘somehow okay, we’re all friends here, and I like/want you that’s why I am playing a fool’. They expect you to remain silent in response to their “once I had a friend adding ‘in bed’ after every phrase, which made things far more interesting”. You can choose silence, but escape the earlier the better. It’s only the start of the unfair play against you. This is how they start hunting you.

When you are physiologically open to the predator, they’ll use you the way they want. Photo source: Unsplash

People focused on toilet topics are also trying to exploit your instincts. If you catch someone repeating the “shit-crap-restroom” jokes beyond the healthy limit, it’s also an attempt to check where your boundaries are. This is an attempt to figure out how much crap in your life you will tolerate, too. (My strongest advice is not to bring it there. Let them smell their jokes alone.)

Unethical Jokes & Stories

Abusers share a ton of stories about bad tricks played over someone to destroy their career and reputation. They might be not mentioning themselves as the authors of those tricks, however, it’s quite logical — if they like such things, they might be practicing them.

Abusers can share suicide-related stuff. They want their victims to take their lives. Photo source: Unsplash.

Watch out for people that find amusing quarrels, acts of destroying people’s lives, suicide, tragedy, and drama. People who take unacceptable things easy are dangerous. They objectivate people and are prone to violence.

Destroying Tricks

The predator will go through your life like a tornado destroying it just for fun. Photo source: Unsplash

Destructive personalities love endangering people. They like to play smart guys by compromising others. They might make you act against law, beg for your nude pictures or home porn videos, and then share them around. They will give you advice that will ruin your reputation and then disappear while you’ll be dealing with the consequences. (They will “gracefully” forget that it was their advice, of course…) And yeah, later the aggressor will ask you to accept all they have done to ruin your life as a joke or inaccuracy.

What to do about the abuser’s humor?

Say “no” to their jokes early. Attempts to diminish others are not daring. They are disgusting and deserve only contempt. Predators cannot distinguish between black and white. They want to make sure that others also have evil intentions and weak morals. This is why they provoke people to demonstrate the worst in them. First, you’ll watch others going through the hell that the abuser designed for them. Second, they’ll get closer while you are smiling at the others’ failures. Third, you’ll become their entertainment — they’ll make you scream, cry, curse them.

To an abuser, you’re just an object to play with until they destroy you. Photo source: Unsplash

Don’t wait till it’s your turn to be their voodoo doll, disembark from their carousel while they are preparing their pins. You won’t be an exception — they’ll get to you sooner or later. Even if they create the honeymoon atmosphere around you because they need you, be sure — they know when they are going to make a punching bag out of an ex-friend. Go away. I am not kidding — they are not just trolls, they are sadists willing to see you first helpless and then dead.