Inequality Between Working From Home Couples
By: O.M. Fernandes
Tags: Culture, Working From Home, Relationships, Economics, Unemployment

The pandemic threw more curveballs. I witnessed my partner’s company react to race riots, political turmoil, and health concerns with regularly programmed virtual magic shows. The racial turmoil we had in the year 2020 exposed companies' tone-deafness, including my partner's employer. They hired a diversity officer to give a passive speech on the importance of inclusion while refusing to acknowledge their own lack of diversity.

The firm has only employed two black people for the past seven years, and not at the same time. Not once in the diversity officer’s lengthy lecture was tokenism explained. They didn’t stop to ask what that singular black person in their office had to say about the issue. They used the black diversity officer’s opinion as a monolith and washed their hands of that issue, but their work was far from done. She was their scapegoat.

“Do you not know, my son, with how very little wisdom the world is governed?” –Axel Oxenstierna

Lunchtime at our home office left me riddled with anxiety. My then-partner was awarded a daily food stipend for his lunch expenses, but it was not enough for two. We had enough food at home for me to make my own lunch, but anyone who lives alone understands the inconvenience of cooking for one. It’s not fun eating a bologna sandwich while the guy next to you splurges on UberEats. I admit I was jealous.

It reminded me of school day disparity between the brown-baggers and the privileged kids with the cartoon-themed lunch boxes. He often offered to share his lunch with me but it was unnecessary and left us both unsatisfied. I eventually applied for unemployment hoping the cash would make me feel like I was contributing to my household. Unemployment benefits do little to curb the unemployed’s feeling of inadequacy.

I heard the ultra-high pitched feminized voices of his work-wives over conference calls while trying to restrain my jealousy. They called from their summer houses along the east coast. One woman received a promotion, but her fancy new title was not accompanied by a raise. While her male co-workers received the title and the raise. I got the behind the scenes sexism and racism in corporate America firsthand and I realized I don’t want anything to do with it.

My partner tried his best the minimize the obvious disparity between our economic status. He offered to contribute towards my doctor appointments since my health insurance expired after my graduation and would occasionally treat me for dinner. I was dependent on him and it was slightly humiliating. The pandemic temporarily stripped me of my economic freedom and independence.

We give jealousy a bad rap, but it's a natural response to inequity. The problem is when that jealousy comes from perceived inequity and a sense of entitlement.

As an immigrant of color here in America, I realize now more than ever that I’m not entitled to anything. That includes wealth, health, education, and inclusion. However, I am entitled to a happy home. A safe environment free from office politics. Companies that are encouraging remote work should look at the negative externalities. Especially for their employees who lack the privacy and space needed to balance the demands of work and home life.