Acceptance
By: The Happy-Ness Mindset Movement
Tags: Healing, Self Improvement, Depression, Life Lessons, Acceptance

During my last bout of serious Depression, when I decided to use my skills as a Coach {& all the tools & techniques I’d learnt on my ‘Self Development Journey’} & write “12 Steps to Overcome Depression”, the first step was

Acceptance

To Accept that “This is how i feel Right Now…”

Seems counter-intuitive doesn’t it, considering no one really WANTS to feel Depressed, right ??!

But, here’s the thing… You’ve probably heard the saying

“That which we resist, persists…”

In other words, the more we try to fight something, often the worse it gets…!

The thing is — and you may be able to relate to this — when I feel Depressed, I usually ask my Self ridiculous (& totally unhelpful) questions, like

“What’s WRONG with me… ?! WHY do I feel so sh*t…. ?! Why can’t I snap out of it…. blah blah blah…”

And ANY TIME we ask our Selves a question, our Mind HAS to come up with an answer {It’s a bit like typing a question into the Google search bar: It will come up with 101 suggestions…. 90% totally inappropriate..!} And Negative Questions can only result in a Negative Answer ! {Unless of course it’s a case of Psychological Depression: caused by an external event…} But in cases of Physiological Depression {caused by wonky wiring, the moon being in Capricorn or an imbalance of some kind…} often there seems to be no ‘apparent reason’ for the drop in mood…

Most of my depressive episodes don’t seem to have any particular ‘cause’… I just simply feel myself slipping into The Hole: Where my energy takes an extended holiday, & my emotions seem to be limited to apathy, anger & tears… !

“This is how I feel Right Now…”

Yesterday morning was one such morning…

I woke up & just felt Bluuuurgh…. !

No energy, no motivation, just wanted to go back to bed & hibernate…

So then came the anger & frustration…

“I don’t like feeling like this….! I don’t want to feel like this…! I want to be happy & bouncy… ! I’ve got things to do today…. ! I can’t be feeling like this… ! What’s wrong with me now… ?! Why am I feeling so damn miserable…..??! Blah blah blah de blah…”

Thankfully, sensible Me piped up — with my own advise ! And I simply said to my Self “Ok, I Accept that this is how I’m feeling Right Now…”

The “Right Now” is important, because it re-minds you that it’s only TEMPORARY… !

That Acceptance — as it usually does — brought me to a state of Calm… And it also allowed me the space to see that I was making myself WORSE….

…. because not only did I feel less-than-sparkly, i was also adding Anger, Resentment, Frustration & Guilt into the mix as well… !

I guess it’s a bit like feeling ill, & making yourself feel even more ill because you resent the fact that you’re feeling ill… {Say you’ve got the Flu.. you don’t WANT to feel ill…. but you then eat something you know will make you throw up…. Or feeling frustrated because you’ve got a broken leg &, in frustration, you hit your other leg with a hammer…. ?!?}

In other words, yes, I felt a bit ‘low’… But getting annoyed at myself, I ended up making my self feel guilty, resentful & even more miserable…!

This realization not only made me feel a hell of a lot better — instantly ! — it also made me realize how we affect our mood, by being in a mood because of our low mood….. !!!

Madness !!

Step Outside Of Your Self…

Acceptance allows you to take a step back.

Imagine seeing your Self from the outside in…

What would You say to someone who was mentally beating themselves up, just because they felt a bit ‘Meh’ ?!

Next time you feel low — and you don’t know why — try this exercise…

Put two chairs facing each other. Sit on one of them & spend a few minutes allowing your Mind free flow… ! Have your “What’s wrong with me….” beat-yourself-up conversation {Set a timer for a few minutes… You don’t want to be doing this all day !!} Allow all those unkind, negative, unhelpful, toxic thoughts to pour out…

When the time’s up, move to the other chair: Imagine you’re speaking to your Self… Tell your ‘Self’ that it’s ok, and to accept that this is how they’re feeling Right Now…

Then reflect on all the additional Guilt, Anger, Frustration etc that ‘they’ {you} are placing on themselves… What would you say to someone in your position ?

When we feel sh*t, we become very self-centered: We can’t see past our own {current} Thoughts, Feelings & Emotions. It’s all “Me, me, me…”!! {And I speak from personal experience !!}

What thoughts were ‘You’ having that are simply exacerbating your current Emotional State ?!

Often seeing things from the ‘outside’ allows us to become aware just how ludicrous we’re being ..!! Remember, it’s “Ok” to not be ok ! Beating your Self up over it will only make you feel 100x worse !!

Negativity Loop

The thing is, if we’re not AWARE of our (unhelpful, unkind, toxic, negative) Thoughts, we can get trapped in the Negativity Loop…

We feel crap… So we start to ask those questions {“What’s wrong with me…?!….} which then leads to feeling bad about feeling bad…. {Which makes you FEEL worse…Negative Thoughts = Negative Emotions }Which can then lead to you reminding your Self of every past ‘mistake’, every ‘flaw’, every ‘failure’ …. Which makes you FEEL even worse… Which leads to More negative thoughts…

Negative Thinking = Negative Feeling {= Negative Behaviour} = More Negative Thinking = More Negative Feeling {= More Negative Behaviour..} & on & on ad infinitum…. UNLESS…

You. Break. The. Loop

AWARENESS is the key…

Become AWARE that this is what you are doing… By ACCEPTING that “This is how you feel Right Now…”

Try it…

{Another one of my 12 Steps is FORGIVENESS… and this mainly applies to forgiving your Self… Forgive yourself for feeling sh*t !}

No one WANTS to Be Depressed….

Acceptance simply allows you to throw off the additional blanket of misery that we wrap ourselves up in, by hating on ourselves for ‘being Depressed’…

Imagine it a bit like Jenga.. ! Draw out the self hate, self loathing, resentment, frustration etc… and the tower starts to topple…

Being Depressed is hard work enough as it is, without carrying all those additional toxic emotions around with you as well…!

And you might just discover — as I did yesterday — that the emotions you were feeling BECAUSE you were giving your Self a bloody hard time for feeling low are actually heavier than the initial one…

Empty out that backpack..!

Love & Light to you, my friend .. x