Why Am I Here?
By: Kayshia Smith, Cpt
Tags: Self Care, Writing, Helping Others, Mental Health, Vulnerability

Why Am I Here?

I’m what you consider an “extroverted introvert”. I love everything about people and who and why they are who they are, but I truly thrive and grow when I get time to myself. I spend the majority of my day in my thoughts — questioning, processing, challenging my own thought patterns and finding ways to grow. I guess I didn’t realize until recently just how much time I do spend in my own head and there is so much up there that I felt needs to be put down in writing. I loved writing throughout school, I was considered a decent writer, and I was always better at writing my thoughts than speaking them.

So here I am.

Writing my thoughts.

Hoping someone else can benefit or relate in some way.

For as long as I can remember, I have had this innate need to help people. Unfortunately, for the majority of my life, I helped people to a fault. I put my own needs on the back burner, had poor boundaries, and emotionally burned myself out in the process — leaving me a depressed, anxious, overwhelmed mess. I had this perception that helping myself would be selfish and everything in me needed to be given to other people in order to be considered a “good person”. I was okay being miserable as long as other people were happy.

Here’s the thing — I couldn’t have been further from the truth. If I truly was to give everything to other people, why was I so miserable in my head and heart? Why was I not feeling fulfilled in life?

Because you can’t fill other people’s cup when yours is empty. Your job, first and foremost, is to make sure you have enough to give. How could I truly help others when I didn’t even know how to help myself? That realization is when things changed. When you work on your own growth, spirituality, mental or physical health — you have the ability to help people better. When you get yourself into a positive mindset, take care of your physical and emotional well-being, you give yourself more tools to help others.

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” — Maya Angelou

Taking care of myself hasn’t made me worse at helping others — it’s made me better. It’s made me a more patient and present mother, and a better wife and friend. It hasn’t been easy, and it certainly hasn’t happened overnight. It’s happened with consistent effort everyday, challenging myself when I find myself saying “I don’t have time for me right now, I’ve got things to do”.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Challenge that belief. What if taking 15–30 minutes right now, for you, could not only re-center you but rejuvenate you to get those tasks done that need to get done more effectively?

So take some time for you — MAKE some time for you. I know what it’s like to have a family, work a full-time job, have a household to run, errands to run, dinner to cook, I’ve done it all. I’ve been there. Please, take that 30 minutes. Meditate. Run. Exercise. Journal. Take a bath. Have a glass of wine. Call a friend. Anything that fills up YOUR cup. Just do it.

Down in the deepest parts of my soul, I do believe my purpose in life is to help others. Throughout my adulthood, my careers have always surrounded helping others. But I no longer help people at my own expense (most of the time…. Your girl isn’t perfect by any means). But I make damn sure that I’m also taking care of myself because when I do, everyone around me also gets taken care of.