Seoul Stories #3: Don’t Touch Me, Study Buddy!
By: Lexus Ndiwe
Tags: Korea, Trauma, Women, Sexual Assault, Seoul

When I decided to study abroad in South Korea for a second time, I left as an excited nineteen-year-old with a hungry curiosity. I would be spending six weeks studying Comparative World Literature, East Asian Fiction and Topics in Korean Studies: Globalisation and Multiculturalism. It was in the last class mentioned where I met my future study buddy.

Karen was one of the students who caught my eye in that class on the first day. Enrolling in the programme as the sole applicant from my university, I did not know anyone, and I was eager to make some friends. The friendly and somewhat calm demeanour that Karen portrayed was a good sign for my shy self. Walking around, finding answers to ice breaker questions, I was relieved when we finally talked. Our awkward energies seemed to understand each other, and I thought that we would be able to get along. She seemed to share those sentiments, and we became desk mates.

Discovering that we both lived in the same international dorms, we decided to begin studying together after class. I do not remember how this came about, nor do I recall who asked who. What I can say with confidence is that our studious natures worked well together, and we were quick to set up a solid routine.

Undertaking three classes, I finished in the early evening. After grabbing dinner and dessert with my roommate and our friends, I would head over to the study room around nine or ten at night. Korea’s study culture is unlike anything I have experienced before, and it was one of the reasons that motivated me in choosing there to study. Our choice in time was not unusual at all. (To put it into perspective, the university’s library had twenty-four hour study rooms available to book.)

Becoming friendly, we would each bring an assortment of snacks to share while we worked, or to have during breaks. Both food lovers, we bonded quickly over this aspect, and this led to us becoming quite open with each other. During study breaks, we would talk about a variety of topics. This openness trailed into all kinds of discussions, and I felt assured that my boundaries were being respected. Up until they weren’t anymore.

Karen reveals that she is lesbian one day in class. Korean Studies became somewhat of a confessional, and a lot of students ended up sharing their relationship and family drama during them. (Our lecturer did too at some points!) During one of our study sessions, Karen reveals that she has not come out to her parents, and nor will she. Although I had not experienced what she was going through, I empathised with Karen, and we ended up sharing some personal stories with each other.

I confessed to her about an incident that had happened to me. I was lucky that the situation had not escalated. Due to the person being close to a good friend at the time, it had been hard for me to register what had happened. I did not know how to define it, but what I did know was that I had not given my consent to it at all. No matter how insignificant to that person, it was very uncomfortable and a big deal to me.

Brushing it to the back of my mind, I did not have the courage to tell my friend what had happened. (When I would later share this and the previous incident with them, I still could not tell them completely about the previous time.) Karen listened and seemed empathetic about the situation. Little did I know that she would leave me with some scars of her own.