The Kid In Us
By: Benny Lim
Tags: Life Lessons, Growing Up, Reflections, Meaning, Life

If you’re in your thirties like I am now, you know that there will be times when you feel old, even when you’re really not that old.

There’ll be times when you long for how things were when you were a kid.

It was way simpler back then, wasn’t it?

I remember when I was a kid, all I really worried about was finishing my school work and going out to play with my friends in the evenings.

I didn’t need to worry about bills, work or family responsibilities.

Food was always on the table and I always had a nice comfortable bed to sleep in every single night. Although I was thought about money from a young age, I was never the type to use any money until I was much older so no money issues to worry about as well.

Fast forward 20 odd years and I worry about a lot of things.

Will I be able to provide for my family this month?

Will I be able to pay all the bills on time?

Will I have enough money to last until my next paycheck?

Adulthood came and along with it, responsibilities and a whole load of stress and anxiety.

No longer was there the carefree feeling that I had when I was a kid and at times, I truly wonder if I will ever be able to feel that way again.

At times, I wonder if the life as an adult that I’m living right now is truly the way that I’m supposed to live.

Photo by v2osk on Unsplash

Realization

My son was born in 2015.

It was one of the greatest days of my life.

I was super excited, happy but also very nervous.

Am I going to be able to raise him well? Will I be a good dad? Can I protect him and yet, at the same time, ensure that I allow him the space that he needs to grow to be his own man.

Trying to be a good parent puts a lot of stress on you, especially if you’re a first time parent. You just don’t know what to expect and you don’t know if what you’re doing is right or wrong. You just go with it and pray to God that you’re doing the right thing.

In the last year, my son has taken a liking to LEGO.

I bought him his first DUPLO set (the kids version of LEGO) for his 3rd birthday and he absolutely loved it! He’s had a couple more sets since and his imagination grows with every play session he has with it.

As a kid, I loved playing with my LEGO blocks. Unlike the younger generation today, I never had gadgets to use growing up. Kids my time had to use our imagination and make do with whatever we had as our toys. And yet, I spent hours and hours every single day just playing with my LEGO and what other little toys I had. It was little but I made the most out of it and it made my childhood a good one.

When I look at my son playing with his toys now, especially his DUPLO, it really brings back memories for me.

I remember the joy that I had when I see the same expressions on his face.

When I watch him play, time stops for a moment and I forget all the craziness that is happening around me. All that matters is my little boy enjoying himself with his toys and his imagination. I start to feel the feelings I felt when I was his age and doing what he was doing, just playing, enjoying myself and not worrying about anything at all.

It got me to thinking.

Where did the kid in me go? Did I lose him or did I just send him to his room and ask him to stay there while the adult in me took over?

The answer? He has always been in me. Never left, never slept, he just allowed for my adult side to take over from him as I grew older. But every single time I felt feelings of when I was a kid when I did, saw, listened or remembered something from my childhood, it was him coming out to play.

Acceptance

Whenever I’m having a bad day, I always feel much better when I do something that I loved doing as a child.

Be it playing video games that I played as a kid or just messing around with my son’s DUPLO sets, it usually relaxes me and helps me to think clearly again without feeling the stress from the day that I had.

I’ve realized the importance of embracing my inner child.

Some people try their hardest not to as they don’t want others to brand them as childish but personally, I think it’s healthy that we embrace our childishness every now and then.

My kid loves play-gym. The wife and I bring him at least once a week or once every two weeks. He especially loves the swirly slides that ends up in a ball pit.

More often than not, you’d see other parents just sitting around and keeping an eye on their children.

Not me.

You’d most probably see me inside the ball pit with my kid!

Because it’s just fun.

Swimming around in a ball pit is extremely fun.

Yes, I do get stares from the other parents but I’d rather be stared at while I’m playing with my son than being one of them that just sits on the benches that are provided and glued to my phone.

What’s the point of that?

Most of the time when the other parents leave, they have the look of annoyance on their faces. Maybe because they feel they had just wasted an hour of their time waiting for their kid to finish playing.

Me? I’d have enjoyed a good 60 minutes of fun play time with my boy and also being able to relive some childhood memories. I leave with a smile on my face that is as wide as the smile on my boy.

Embracing

I’ve come to enjoy letting myself be a kid every now and then. I now join in when I bring my son to the park or playground, especially when he asks me to play with him. I don’t care even if I’m the only dad doing it, as long as it makes my son happy and as long as it makes me happy.

I’m embracing my inner child and I couldn’t have made a better decision than this.

I’m letting myself not be too caught up in life. It’s not to say that I’m not serious about my responsibilities as a dad, a husband or as a grown-up. It’s just that I’m allowing myself to enjoy life by allowing myself to enjoy being who I truly am.

I think we’re all still the same kid we were when we were younger. We were just taught to put it aside so that we can become the adults that society expects us to be. But deep down, we still love the things that we did as a kid. I know I still do.

And I can honestly say that when I write, I’m doing one of the things I enjoyed doing as a kid. I just wish that I did this sooner, embracing my inner child and letting it shine every now and then.