Whatever You Do, Don’t Watch ‘The Perfection’
By: Mad Dyke
Tags: Movies, Queer, LGBT, LGBTQ, Gay

When I first heard about The Perfection, a new horror movie on Netflix in which Allison Williams has a relationship with a woman, I was thrilled. It was all of my favorite things combined: horror, Allison Williams doing horror, Allison Williams doing a woman and horror. I texted my girlfriend immediately and said we were watching it that night. But I would later regret that decision. (I’d warn you there’s spoilers in this, but I’ve already advised you not to watch it, so that’s you’re own fault.)

First of all, the entire film is about the dark sexual world of cellists, so if that’s your thing, then this movie might be for you. Williams’s character, Charlotte, a former successful cellist, falls for her mentor’s new mentee, Lizzie, played by Logan Browning, who is signified as queer in the film with an undercut and septum piercing. But, of course, the two women have the sexual chemistry of first cousins — the kind you don’t see very often and never really know what to get for on Christmas. They have the kind of energy you’d have with a foreign exchange student living in your home for a few weeks, polite but with just enough physical and emotional distance.

Aside from the lukewarm lesbianism, this movie looks like it was made by someone who watched one Tarantino film and then somebody knocked on their door and said “quick make a movie!” There were so many cringey zooms and fades and fast forwards and cheesy inter-titles and every scene felt like it was 40-minutes long and the dialogue was...rough. There is literally a 20-minute scene where a majority of the dialogue is Lizzie saying “I’m gonna shit myself.”

The acting is also kind of like if all the actors had been told to look like they were acting. For some reason, Williams is dressed like an American Eagle catalogue model from 2003 with a jean jacket and scarf in rural China in the middle of summer. The movie moves at a glacial pace and then will speed up out of nowhere, and show you some of the most horrific shit you’ve ever seen in your life. Basically, (here’s where the spoilers and trigger warnings come in) Charolette gets Lizzie to cut her hand off with a MEAT CLEAVER in an attempt to PROTECT HER from playing the cello again. Because she’s in a cello cult and their mentor sexually molests them, I’m pretty sure. But honestly after the cleaver came out, I was lost.

And then it gets even weirder when Charolette is suddenly inside an underground dungeon performing the cello in a ball gown for random dudes. Lizzie, who at this point has turned against Charolette since she made her amputate her own arm (fair), and two other men begin to torture Charolette and, well, I’m sorry to share this with you, but Lizzie RAPES CHARLOTTE WITH HER REMAINING ARM. It is…horrific. But then we learn Charlotte actually likes it and she and Lizzie have been working together and this was all a part of their plan?!?! I…..I just — I.

If you’re thinking it can’t get any worse than that, you’d be wrong! The ending is probably the worst of all. I don’t even want to describe it again here. It left a permanent impression on my brain that I can’t do anything about but I’m going to spare you all from it. You’re welcome.

Despite all of these deeply disturbing scenes, I still say the most unbelievable part of the entire movie is that these two women with step-sister energy have a genuine romantic connection.

I’m just begging you not to watch this movie. In the mean time, here are some other LGBTQ horror films you can check out (although, The Perfection is on that list, so proceed with caution). I, personally, need a few days to recover.