To Let Go All The Way
By: Katie Green
Tags: Spiritual Growth, Life Lessons, Personal Growth, Personal Development, Transformation

The art of letting go has proven the most challenging part of my existence over the last two years. Mostly because my need to let go wasn’t because of circumstances that were bestowed upon me, but because of decisions I made for myself, forcing me to continuously dance with small deaths of my own self and identity.

My personal search for truth began with a massive leap. Its depth required me to completely restructure how I oriented my thoughts around where to live, how to live, and how to support myself while in pursuit of said “truth.”

It seems that each jump gives birth to another. Bit by bit, I jump a little, let go a little, jump a little, let go a little. And then, standing at the bottom of these metaphorical cliffs, I’m forced to let go of what I intentionally jumped away from.

While I’d like to announce I’ve successfully made it into the depths of where I know I’m supposed to go with a clean break from everything I left behind, that has not been the case.

Each initiation — each jump — has profoundly changed how I think and want to exist in this world. And while I feel good and grounded and like myself after each jump, I can’t help but also feel a little bit of FOMO as I watch people I love blissfully dancing back in the places I chose to leave.

So, I’ve backtracked. I’ve bought tickets to versions of my old life and climbed back up the same rocky cliffside I jumped from months or years prior. I plop myself back into a familiar seat and try with everything inside of me to be okay straddling the familiarity and comfort of the old and the unknown depths of the new.

In some moments, the contrasts between the worlds become too stark. They start pulling away, forcing me to decide which side to jump to. If I wait too long to make this choice, the two opposing forces confuse me, forcing me into a crevice between the two.

I’ve learned it is in this place where we become paralyzed with confusion and fear. Having existed in this liminal space for uncomfortable amounts of time, I’m learning that, in order to return to the comfort of the old, we need to fully let go of it and initiate ourselves into the new.

If we think about this in the context of romance, we need to let go of and heal from heartache before coming back into the presence of someone we used to love without unnecessary confusion or sadness.

Whether it’s a spiritual journey, a relationship with alcohol, a relationship with money, a transcendent way of being etc. — we must fully let go of our antiquated ways of existing before planting ourselves back into the temptations of the old and comfortable.

And while the temptations of the old will always linger — even after we’ve fully let go — that is our work if we want great transformation.

For me, it means removing myself entirely from the comforts of my old life until that initiation is complete. Because I want to come back to people and places and things I love without getting re-lost in the same culture that caused me to lose myself in the first place.

When we find ourselves in these places of confusion, it’s often time to start searching for what needs to be released. What are we desperately trying to hold onto that’s keeping us stuck and sad and bewildered about how to move forward in our lives?

To change our lives, we have to let go, and we have to let go all the way. There’s no climbing up cliff sides, or buying ourselves tickets back to our old lives until we know we can without taking part in the straddle. Despite the pain and loneliness of these journeys, we always know when the induction is complete. If we’re committed, we won’t give up before then.