How One Book Changed My Life
By: Pam Perkins
Tags: Mindfulness, Inspiration, Life Lessons, Psychology, Self Improvement

How One Book Changed My Life

And How It Can Change Yours

Photo by Joe Ciciarelli on Unsplash

As a youngster, I read comics— Archie, Veronica and Jughead. In my teenage years when hormones were raging, Peyton Place and Valley of the Dolls titillated me with sordid details of a steamier side of life.

I deboned a whole chicken after reading Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child.

Self-help books like The Road Less Traveled and Women Who Love Too Much provided some comfort after my divorce, but I continued to flounder.

Things began to change when a good friend tossed me a life line and recommended this book:

My friend insisted this could be the most valuable book I’d ever read. She promised my life would improve. I was skeptical, but when I thought about her life, one I gladly would have exchanged for mine, I took her recommendation seriously. She didn’t call it a self-help book. She called it a change agent.

This book, The Path of Least Resistance, changed my life and it can help change yours.

When he wrote the book, Robert Fritz wasn’t a therapist or a life coach or a spiritual leader. Rather he was a musician and composer, who in the early 1980s saw the relationship between the structure of music and the structure within a person’s life. Through deep thought, study and analysis, he developed a framework called “structural tension,” which can be the creative force in a person’s life.

What is Structural Tension?

Structural tension is best described by explaining its two components. The first is to know the result you want, a component called vision. The second is to know what you now have, a component called reality. The discrepancy between the two — what you have (reality) and the result you want (vision) — is structural tension. It’s the creative energy that propels you forward, getting you to where you want to be. And getting to where you want to be simply means getting what you want.

In the beginning a common mistake some people make is focusing on what they don’t want, rather than what they do want.

This was the case with me. I only knew what I didn’t want. I don’t want to live in an apartment. I don’t want a roommate. I don’t want a job where I’m not respected.

Fritz says if you have trouble knowing what you want, make it up!

Let me share two examples from Fritz’s book:

“If you don’t want your car to keep breaking down, what you want is a car that consistently runs well.” “If you don’t want to fight constantly with your partner, what you want is a loving and supportive relationship.”

By seeing problems as opportunities, there’s a better chance for success.

It’s easy to get fixated on problems, but that usually produces a negative response. Fritz recommends formally choosing the results we want by visualizing them clearly, even saying the words to yourself. “I choose to have X, Y or Z.”

By making a formal choice, you unconsciously activate the seeds of germination. You initiate the first stage of the creative cycle using visualization, which sets energy into motion. This happens through your subconscious.

In the beginning focus on an objective that you know is achievable. Don’t start out like I did with “I want a new job.” Choose something safe, unambiguous and an objective you know you can make happen. Don’t just make a wish and keep your fingers crossed. Practice, practice, practice.

When I bought The Path of Least Resistance, I was 40, single, with no kids. Previously I’d counted on the financial and emotional support of a man for almost twenty years. Until my divorce, I considered myself as Number Two making Number One look good. When I became head of a household of one, my life was different.

I was so eager to improve my life that my initial list of wants were unrealistic. I was setting myself up for failure by choosing vague objectives.

I want a new job. I want to be thinner. I want a boyfriend. I want a house.

I was overwhelmed. Where do I start?

Begin with small things —take baby steps, which will begin to establish momentum.

The energy that comes from momentum is what propels you forward in order to create what you want.

Photo by Hayley Catherine on Unsplash

I started small and selected end results that were unambiguous and achievable.

Every night before bed, I made a short list of what I wanted to achieve the next day, not ones for the next week or month or “some day”, but for the very next day. Some times these things were based on personal values such as spend an hour of quiet time before work. Or perhaps ones that might advance my career like schedule one informational interview tomorrow.

The hour of quiet time started with an early cup of coffee while reading the paper. This eventually morphed into a daily meditation practice, which I found rewarding.

Each evening I would check off my daily achievements before developing another short list of what I wanted to achieve the next day. Then I would visualize where I was at that moment (reality)and where I wanted to be (vision). Over many months I noticed that opportunities seemed to appear that moved me forward.

Slowly my life started to turn around. I was happier and more fun to be with. Life improved, not overnight, but slowly because I stuck with baby steps. I chose achievables, which eventually motivated me to take bigger steps. I started practicing by writing in my journal a list of wants with more specificity.

I want a job that is stimulating, challenging and in an enviornment that is secure, interesting, structured and dynamic. I want a job that utilizes my intellect, my ability to focus, my outgoing personality, my dedication to work, and my past successes in achieving successful outcomes .

After a year of informational interviews, I decided fundraising was my professional niche. Once I knew what I wanted, mentally I became a fundraiser.

I visualized myself meeting with potential donors. I imagined raising millions of dollars. I saw myself in a rewarding environment professionally.

When someone asked me what my job was, I would answer something like “this is what I do now, but next year I’m going to be a fundraiser.” Happily my consistent visualization paid off. I received a job offer as a major gifts fundraiser at Stanford University. I successfully raised money for Stanford for almost twenty years. What a career!

Here’s how I addressed my vague desire to be thinner. Again, I took baby steps. My quiet time in the morning inspired me to alter my form of meditation. I focused on other ways to quiet my mind while exercising my body. Rather than concentrating on my breath, I began counting laps while swimming in the neighborhood pool every morning. Then I added weight training and rode my bicycle on the weekends. As I lost the weight, my body shape changed and voila, I went from a size 12 to an 8.

Photo by Anna Elfimova on Unsplash

These were not easy goals. I worked hard to focus on where I was at the moment (reality) and where I wanted to be (vision). This created the structural tension from which came the positive energy driving the determination to slim down to a size 8!

How did I deal with my vague desire to have a boyfriend? Becoming more focused, I realized I wasn’t just looking for a boyfriend. I wanted a loving partner. Again visualizing what I wanted prompted me to place a personal ad on the dating website Match.com. “Quality Woman Looking for Quality Man.” Taking baby steps meant kissing a lot of frogs before meeting my prince.

Many months later Bruce’s Match profile and picture popped up on my computer screen. Finally . . .

My vision became a new reality.

August 18th will always be our special day.

Fritz’s book is essential reading for someone who wants to make a positive change in his or her life. Even though this book was originally published in 1984, Fritz’s strong message is relevant today.

The Path of Least Resistance is a transformational read with theories and techniques. If you’ve had ideas and dreams but have never brought them to fruition, I encourage you to read Fritz’s book. Over time you will learn how to utilize the power that comes with fundamental choice, visualization, intention, momentum, and completion. These tools will never be outdated. Once you put into practice the steps Fritz describes, you will see how a powerful subconscious force energizes your creative process. You will begin to make positive changes that will bring happiness to your life.

You have the power to be the creative force in your life.

I first read this book in 1987 and have recommended it to others. I’ve reread the book many times, not because I’d forgotten Fritz’s philosophy or techniques. I reread it because it reenforced the positive energy for me to create intention and go boldly to places where I’d never gone before.