I Talked To My Younger Self And She Heard Me
By: Jessica Hillis
Tags: Life Lessons, Self, This Happened To Me, Message, Life

The voice inside her head kept her going

“This isn’t it. This isn’t how it is supposed to be. There are better things out there for you.”

I heard those words in my head. I was 23 or so at the time, in the middle of a living nightmare. I didn’t know where the words came from but I knew it was an important message.

“It’s not going to be easy but you can and will get to where you want to be.”

I held onto those words for dear life. It was the only hope I had to keep going. I couldn’t stay in the life I was living. I couldn’t keep living in fear for my life. I wanted more but I didn’t know if I could do it.

The words that came into my head as I was receiving yet another beating from my husband caused me to relax and feel a sense of relief I hadn’t felt in a long time. It really was going to be OK. It had to be.

Imagining a future that was brighter than my hell kept me going. It helped me make a plan. The words, “You’re OK. It’s going to be OK.” allowed me to come up with a plan to leave the abusive situation I was currently in.

Through it all, through all the scary and uncertain times, that voice assured me I was going to be OK. I didn’t believe in God so I knew it wasn’t that.

But who was it? Who could know it would be OK?

Life did get better but it didn’t get easier. I still continued to find myself in toxic situations that were not healthy. Situations that left me still feeling like I was a shell of who I once was.

Yet that voice kept telling me that this wasn’t the end. That I still had good things to come. It told me to keep moving and to experience what I was going through in order to get to the end goal; happiness.

“This isn’t the end. This isn’t who you’re supposed to be. It’s all just part of your story. Just hold on.”

The voice would continue to lift me up even when I was screaming out in emotional pain. The words would wrap me in their embrace and bring me some much needed comfort. I hoped the voice was right. It needed to be.

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

The Happy child, The Abused Woman, and The Strong Woman

During my 38 years on this earth, my life has been lived by three separate people; The Happy child, The Abused Woman, and The Strong Woman. None of these people would be here without the other. They are what has brought me to where I am today.

The Happy Child had a carefree life, absent of the realities of the real world. She was naive and thought that if she was kind to others, they would be kind to her. She thought her love was enough to help people who needed it. She was loyal to a fault.

Going into adulthood with these views proved dangerous to that Happy Child. She was taken advantage of. Her kindness was used against her. Her loyalty caused her to give too many chances to those who did not deserve it. Thus, she became the Abused Woman.

As the Abused Woman heard the voice from the other side, she found her strength. She found a way to keep going and to stand up for herself when she was being mistreated. She found her worth and she became more aware of the world around her.

Her experiences made her stronger and so she became the Strong Woman.

The voice from the other side was correct, she was OK. I am OK now. I am where I want to be. I am who I want to be. I am the Strong Woman. I look back on the Abused Woman often and try to remind her how OK things will be.

I tell her she just needs to hold on. She will find the right person for her. The person who will treat her the way she should be treated. She will live the life that she wanted with the love that she so desperately sought out.

She hears me. I know this because that was the voice I heard all those years ago. It was me, the future me. Telling me to just hold on. Future me kept me going. She was the calm voice that held me when nobody else would.