Goaltropism — an important lesson
By: Redrei Visaya
Tags: Thinking, Philosophy, Peace Of Mind, Growth, Mindfulness

The picture above is a photo of me when I was out with my family celebrating an uncle’s birthday on a warm summer evening in 2019. There was a hubbub of smiles and light-hearted discussions with kids running around and the occasional auntie asking if I had eaten yet. The food was great by the way — Filipinos always know how to do an amazing BBQ! Prima facie, there were no problems at all. An outsider wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. My parents surely didn’t notice a thing. However, under the silhouette of the photo is a face hiding someone going through one of the hardest days they ever experienced so far.

I was battling with an internal conflict which ate away at my energy like termites. It made it painfully difficult every time I had to smile and mano* to an elder. Every time my younger cousin dragged me to the playground to play with him, I had to also drag my fake attitude of joy along.

*Mano is a Filipino gesture of respect you usually give to elderly people. You bow your head and press the hand of the elder to your forehead.

This isn’t a sob story of how I went through something difficult and now I’m going to tell you how I got out of it in 3 steps. It takes more than an article to remove yourself from emptiness and denial. Showing you my hard work and self-development does nothing (even though inspirational life coaches sometimes think it does). Improvement comes from within, not an external source. Now you can get support from external sources like friends, family, books and podcasts etc. but, if you just listen with no action or read with no application, then all these supporting sources are just vanity.

You don’t have to be at complete rock bottom to participate in self-improvement. The finitude and contingent nature of humans mean that we will always have space for improvement, no matter how good you are. As C.S Lewis said in Mere Christianity:

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

We need to remember that pride is an illusion. There is always space for growth. Always space to move in life. To fill a different area. An area of new experiences, challenges and hope. The finitude of man may declare that we have boundaries but it doesn’t tell us about how far we can go — limitless limits, put poetically.

Think. What are your limits?

What can *insert your name here* do?

What do you want to do?

Are these positive goals?

Are these things which are beneficial to your self flourishing and don’t harm the flourishing of others?

What are your barriers which prevent you from reaching there?

Go. Write them down. Or don’t. At least think. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere and nor is this article. These are some questions which come from within. Questions I wished I asked myself that summer day in 2019. Maybe I would’ve begun my journey of self-improvement earlier. Maybe I would’ve started knowing myself better so that my internal monologue of reason could start sorting out the knots of conflicts within me.

Plants are cool. They can grow differently depending on the environment they’re in. I remember learning about plant growth in Biology GCSE and being fascinated at how the position of hormones in the meristem of the plant changes how elongated cells are. These hormones also react differently depending on if the plant is underground or in the aerial parts of the organism.

They’re pretty hardcore too. Imagine being planted in mud and dirt, with the weight of your future on your shoulders….I mean shell? You have to eventually become this beautiful sculpture we call a flower and show off alluring petals.

You are buried deep into an unknown world. No one can even see you exist. You have to fight through the grime of the soil, pushing through the darkness, pressing against the crushing pressure above you just to be noticed. Just to emerge as a minuscule seedling. You then compete in the outside world for sunlight, water and space, constantly moving, shifting, changing to the command of your environment. You have to be patient. You need to live with the anticipation of knowing that you are capable of greater things but are still in your position because it is not the right time. You have to wait to blossom from a basic green stem with leaves to an incredible display of colours.

Plants grow towards the sunlight. In fancy words, it’s called phototropism. Tropisms are things plants move towards or away from and is driven by hormones which control the growth of cells. You add a suffix depending on what it’s moving towards/away from; for example, geotropism is moving against gravity, hydrotropism is moving towards water etc. Every single day when the sun is up, the plants etch closer to the light. If we were to stare at a seedling all day, the change would be untraceable to us. It happens over a very long period of time. However, all of these small movements of growth can build-up to a radical change of direction.

I want to provide a similar framework for you to work with. If you did what I said earlier, look at your notes (whether they’re physical or mental) and say your goal. If you don’t have anything, scroll up quickly and reread those questions. Go it? Say it quietly in your head or out loud if you can.

That is your tropism. It’s something in your mental environment you will move towards.

I don’t know which part of the growth journey you’re in. Maybe you’re buried in darkness and you have no idea where you’re going — there's a vivid presence of an expectation looming over your head but you don’t know how to achieve it. Maybe you already know how to move forward but you feel so small and powerless trying to compete in such a large and complex world. Maybe you’re close to your breakthrough and you need to take a leap of faith or you need an extra push, a sign or word of encouragement for you to radically change (this is the sign btw). Or maybe you feel like you’re at the best version of yourself —however, know that flourishing needs to be sustained and requires constant replenishing. Flourishing also requires energy. Make sure that energy is coming from a good source which you are actively pursuing. A source which is also sustainable.

Where ever you are in your growth journey, picture your goals. Now orient yourself to it. Align every decision you make so that it contributes to it — every small, mundane action like getting out of bed, eating breakfast etc.

These small actions will build up over time. It might take months, maybe years. For me, it took 8 months before I could genuinely smile, 10 before I could sing in the shower again and even now, almost 2 years down the line, I’m still working and grinding towards my goal.

There will be days where you fail to align your actions to your goal. Know that this is okay. You can start again as many times as you want and this is okay just as long as you start and move. There is no pressure on you the same way there is no pressure for the plant to blossom — it just happens because it’s within their nature. Instil your goal within you so that it becomes second nature.

Like a plant, trust in the process. Etch towards the goal you have for yourself. It isn’t an easy task nor is it always enjoyable. However, there’s power in doing many small manageable chunks of self-improvement.

There is a difference between the person in the photo and the person who is writing this article. He smiles a lot more and they’re also more genuine. He can sleep better at night and has the motivation to complete each day with enthusiasm. He can also finally have imaginary world tours and celebrity talk show conversations in his shower again. But most importantly, he knows the value of work and understands that it takes time to see changes.

What are you going to do differently when you put down this article? How are you planning to align your basic actions to your goals? Regardless of what you do, I’m glad that you have at least thought about your goaltropism.