Mind Your Business
By: Awesome Saenthaweesuk
Tags: Communication, Women, Pregnancy, Positive Body Image, Positive Thinking

How to talk so pregnant women won’t hate you

(or themselves).

“You look huge… like you are ready to pop.”

“You look like you are pregnant.”

“Are you sure you should be eating that?”

“You’re so small. Are you sure you’re pregnant?”

“What kind of birth did you have?”

“You still look like you are pregnant.”

A wise woman once said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”, but too often we make the faux pas of using statements or questions similar to those above because we mistakenly think we’re being nice.

According to the CDC, about 10 percent of women in the United States ages 15–44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant. No surprise, some women try their best to conceive unsuccessfully, some have already experienced stillbirth, and some get pregnant unexpectedly. Usually, commenting on someone’s body size and image is considered rude and disrespectful, but, for whatever reasons, we forget this when it comes to pregnant women.

Once, while teaching online prenatal yoga, someone commented that I looked pregnant. You know what? His criticism made my day because I have been trying to conceive for a while and I am still working on it. But what if you said that to someone who is still a virgin, someone who just lost a baby, or someone who had issues with their weight. Humorist Dave Barry, the author of Insane City, mentioned never say anything to any woman of any age to make her think that you think she is pregnant, unless you see a baby coming out from her.

It may seem harmless but this type of insensitivity (bullying?) can affect someone’s feelings during their pregnancy, a few months after their childbirth, or even longer. They do not tell you how they feel, it is possible that they are so polite and too considerate. In 2019, the Mental Health Foundation ran an online survey of women after childbirth about their body image and found over 41 percent said they felt more negative about their bodies.

From the first through the fourth trimester (not a typo) pregnancy and birth hormones are still up high and postpartum depression is a real issue. A CDC study from 2008–2014, found one in ten pregnant women experienced an episode of major depression. Most pregnant women, 9 out of 10, are physically and mentally prepared for the changes during and after pregnancy. They have people surrounding them that are supportive and know how to communicate effectively. By learning and developing our communication skills we can help prevent postpartum depression by being those same supportive people. We will use different phrases (emphasizing our own feelings), ask fewer questions, and allow the pregnant women to start the conversation.

“You look glowing.”

“You look beautiful.”

“I am so excited for you!”

“I am glad to see you here!”

(after you’ve been informed of the pregnancy or birth) “Congratulations!”

To all beautiful pregnant women, you may not always have those around you who know how to talk with you correctly but at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our feelings. Let the positive energy flow to you, nourishing your body and your baby. Blessings on your new chapter in life.