The one hour Witness (Understanding the impact of social norms on Power)
By: Achola Caroline
Tags: Fear, Anger, Violence Against Women, Power

We can all do something in our capacity to stop gender based violence

Frozen at the moment, she cries out my name saying “Auntie Carol, please save my son — do not let anyone touch him. They will kill my son.”

The story that I witnessed unfold with so much violence and brutality, I could have done something but I did nothing. Let’s define violence — Violence is defined by the American Psychological Association as an extreme form of aggression. Half of all 18–24-year-old Ugandans believe it is acceptable for a man to beat his wife. https://www.unicef.org/uganda/press-releases/3-4-young-adults-uganda-experienced-some-form-violence-during-their-childhood

It was a Saturday evening around 10 or 11 pm the 15th of August 2015, the party is heated at the neighbor’s place with so many youths flooding the place and drinking all sorts of things (beer, spirits). The boy comes back home in the wee hours of the night, slammed the door open and pulled out her mother who was with another man at the time and start beating her up. In his words, the boy says to his mother “you have no right to bring a man into this house.” Woken up by the noise, thinking I was dreaming — I come out to find the strangest thing in my life that I have never witnessed. The boy was angry and very aggressive slapping the mum and pushing her to the ground. The sister comes to intervene the boy pushes her down and starts to kick her stomach, she was fragile because she had just given birth to her son who was 3 months old.

I stood, frozen, my hands were shaking, my head was not thinking straight, my legs could not move — I now understand what they call shock, nothing was louder than the sound of the crying and beating; It was way louder than the music playing at the neighbor’s place. I understand his anger and frustration but it was not him to decide who the mum should be with since their father died, and it was not his place to disrespect the mother in such a way, I thought to myself.

I have always thought of what I would do in such situations or how I would act, but at that moment nothing was clear, I was afraid and scared for my life that I run away with the baby and locked the door behind me. I realized how fragile the baby was and that his life was in my hand — the power I had and yet I could do nothing with it. I could have left the child in the room and came back out to fight but I stood at the door crying while holding it firmly before they open it and attack me as well.

For a moment I felt selfish and when I looked at that child I saw the strength and the privilege I had to take good care of this little baby who had no idea about what was going on. While am still thinking about what I could do the older brother comes in and tries to calm him down, he was furious but also drunk and he suddenly runs off to who knows where.

I ask the mother if I could call an ambulance and if they had a number we could use to get them to the hospital, she responds “do you think they will do anything at this time, they will ask for money for the fuel which I do not have, and at the hospital there will be bills that I cannot afford to pay, so just let it go I will treat my daughter.” As she goes on to do this she is arguing with her daughter “why did you even get involved this is none of your business” and the girl responds while crying in a faint voice “I was not going to look around and watch my brother humiliate you.” She moved forward, she did something and got even more hurt than the mother and to me, that broke my heart into tears and that is when I started thinking about what I could have done better.