Watch Your Tone when Writing and Speaking
By: Patricia Haddock
Tags: Self Improvement, Writing, Professional Development

Watch Your Tone when Writing and Speaking

Choose the right tone for the right impact

geralt Pixabay

Have you ever been reading an email and felt as if you had been slapped upside the head?

Have you ever found yourself rushing headlong to find out what happens in a mystery story?

Has anyone ever accused you of being abrupt or rude without you realizing you were coming across like that?

You think you are reading with your eyes, but as you read, you also are hearing the words in your head — just as if the writer is speaking to you.

That’s the tone.

Tone is what people hear when you speak and when they read what you have written.

Think about how many ways you can change the meaning of the word no just by changing the tone. (This should be easy of you have ever raised a teenager.)

Tone creates an emotional response on the part of a reader or listener. It determines how positively — or negatively —they respond.

What is the tone of each sentence? How do you feel reading them? How would you feel if someone spoke them aloud?

If you had followed up on time, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.

I need this tomorrow.

Thanks for sending this, but I actually need something different. Can we talk?

Please respond by the end of day, or we will assume that you are not interested in pursuing this.

I just got your voicemail, and I can make time on my calendar tomorrow to meet and discuss your project.

What about this sentence?

I’m so sorry you were inconvenienced.

Try hearing it in a sarcastic voice. Your emotional response changes — and not in a good way.

The good news: You can control tone when you write and speak.

Pronouns Affect Tone

Pronouns are little words that can pack a big wallop when it comes to tone. They communicate your point of view.

First Person Singular

I, Me, My, Mine: Communicate individual responsibility. The point of view is mine.

I will get this to you tomorrow.

I understand what you are looking for.

Why don’t you let me look it over.

I help my clients overcome obstacles to long-term business growth.

First Person Plural

We, Us, Our, Ours: Communicate authority, assertiveness, and formality. Point of view is that of a group, business, or entity.

We will get this to you tomorrow.

We understand what you are looking for.

Why don’t you let us look it over.

We help our clients overcome obstacles to long-term business growth.

Second Person Singular and Plural

You, Your, Yours. The point of view is that of the reader or listener. It moves you up close to the reader or listener.

Second person pronouns are used as direct address and to give advice, directions, or instructions. Most Medium articles use second person. The emotional response depends on context.

Generally, second person pronouns are not recommended when delivering bad news. It’s better to use passive voice and avoid the pronoun.

Can you hear the difference in these pairs sentences?

You do not quality for a refund under the terms of the contract, vs. A refund cannot be made under the terms of the contract.

You missed the deadline to enroll. vs. The deadline to enroll was missed.

Second person pronouns also can be used to establish accountability. Here are some examples:

If you approve this by Friday, we can move ahead with the next phase of the project.

I sent the draft to you yesterday. As soon as you get back to me, I’ll let the client know where we stand.

Use of second person in fiction is rare. When it is used, it sucks the reader into the narrative because they become the protagonist.

Third Person Pronouns

He, Him, His, She, Her, Hers, It, Its, They, Their, Them. Third person point of view is often used in fiction writing. The point of view is that of the narrator. Generally, it carries a neutral tone in business communication.

Be Positive

AbsolutVision @pixabay

You are either a naturally positive or negative speaker and writer. Most people prefer positive wording since it has a better tone, is easier to understand, and creates more impact.

If you don’t get back to me by end of day today, we will miss our deadline.

If you get back to me by end of day today, we can hit our deadline.

Avoid saying what something isn’t; instead, use what something is.

The bill cannot come before the committee until mid-December.

The bill will come before the committee in mid-December.

See the difference?

State things not as problems, but as solutions.

I can’t discuss the pricing since my partner is out of town until Monday.

I can discuss the pricing on Monday when my partner returns.

Use positive words and avoid negative ones like refuse, claim, failure, shouldn’t, difficult, doubt, fault, sadly, unfortunately, and others that have a negative effect on people.

Never make the reader or listener wrong.

You made a mistake in the report.

There’s a mistake in the report.

Start paying attention to your natural way of communicating, and if you find yourself using negative terms, switch to something more positive.

Sentence Length

prettysleepy1 @pixabay

When a fiction writer wants to speed up the action, they use short sentences. Let’s see how this works.

Ripley stopped. What was that?

She held her breath, listening.

Nothing.

She soundlessly crept down the dark corridor.

There! Again.

She froze,

A shuffling noise. Like something being dragged.

Or someone.

The pace is breathless, and the reader is racing along with the writer.

When the writer wants to slow things down, the sentences get longer.

Ripley made it back to the empty control room, set the entry pad to retinal scan, and sank into the command chair.

The reader lets out a long breath and relaxes with the protagonist.

There’s a lesson here for all writers and speakers.

Use short sentences and active voice to add impact to what you are writing or speaking. You can turn down the tone with longer sentences and/or passive voice.

Beware short sentences: They can make your tone come across as abrupt or rude.

See attached. vs. I have attached the document you asked for. I’m busy. I’ll call you later. vs. I’m tied up right now, and I’ll all you later. I need your report three days early this week. vs. Can you send your report three days early this week since I’m going on vacation and need extra time to get it ready before I leave?

Your Mood

Your mood, emotional state of mind, and attitude all affect your tone when you write and speak. If you have an argument with your partner, kid, or Uber driver, your tone will come across as angry or argumentative.

The best advice: Write, but don’t send. If you’re speaking, immediately apologize and explain it was unintentional.

Control Your Tone

Have you ever gotten the advice, “Write the way you speak”?

It’s bad advice.

It means use an informal, conversational tone. Most people prefer this when reading or listening. However, there may be times when a more formal tone or style is needed. In this case, use longer sentences and a more complex sentence structure. Passive voice also creates a more formal tone.

You have greater impact and produce better results when you use a tone that makes the reader and listener pay attention, understand, and enjoy what you are communicating.

Everything you write and speak connects you to another person. Eliminate any obstacles and ensure that the connection is clear and understood.