How I Survived 2020 as a 26-yo Guy… And What I Learned from It
Tags: Depression, Lockdown, Survival, Thoughts, 2020

Genesis of an Awful Year

1st January 2020: “This year’s gonna be awesome! I will finally graduate and get my Ph.D., have a good start in adult life and make all my dreams come true”. Well, apart from the Ph.D., nothing quite went as planned.

14th January 2020: “Your grandfather just died from cancer”. Oh, well, we were expecting it, but it did not make the year begin so smoothly as I’d hoped. And so, I thought: “Well, at least it can’t be worse”. And then came the madness.

And then, the infernal 2020 cycle was launched. March 2020: “The COVID-19 virus is everywhere, let’s go full lockdown for two months!”, October 2020: “Let’s go full lockdown again!” (I live in Belgium), November 2020: “Your father has cancer”… Well, at least, I still got my Ph.D. degree in December. But hey, “don’t get you hopes up, friend”, I thought. “Nobody’s gonna hire you anyway, and we’re on for several years of crisis”.

To say the least, 2020 was not the nicest year I’ve experienced so far. I would even dare to say that this year was the most insanely inhuman thing I have ever lived. But is it a reason to give up? I don’t think so.

The Year Our Freedom Disappeared

As human beings, and more basically, as mammals, our instinct taught us to adapt to every new situation. Sure, 2020 created a whole lot of new kinds of psychological traumas, and maybe led us to question our existence itself, through questions such as “Is it still worth being alive?”, “Why do I exist anyway?”, “Wouldn’t it be easier if I died once and for all?”… Oh well, don’t look at me like that, I bet you to find someone who hasn’t experienced suicidal thoughts this year. I’ve had them and I don’t hide it. My point is: you are reading this article today, which means you are still alive and survived 2020. So, congrats for that.

It is true that the year we just lived was more of a terrible horror movie than an actual year on earth. We were bound to do things we wouldn’t even think could be imposed upon ourselves: welcome to 2020, the year going out became illegal, the year you couldn’t even go shopping or have a drink with your loved ones anymore, the year you were negated all your rights, such as seeing people, get a haircut, get a tattoo or whatsoever. Welcome to 2020, the year we ceased to be humans to become meaningless machines. Sure, I am not criticising our governments: they had to take action in order to limit the damage caused by the pandemic. I am not blaming them for that, but still, this leads me to the question I want to address here: how to keep on living and hope for a brighter future when all your hopes have vanished, when you don’t see the point of getting up every morning anymore? Apart from the virus, many people died from depression this year, but if you are still here, reading this, I will try to show you why there is still hope.

So, How Do We Find a Purpose for 2021?

You must be wondering about this: in a context without any exciting professional prospects, after a year during which you probably lost loved ones, your job, a lot of money, your dreams and, eventually, your humanity… who are you supposed to find a purpose?

By telling yourself 2021 “can’t be worse”? Well yes, it can. One can’t predict the future. Of course, 2021 can be even worse, but it does not make you worthless as an individual. We were brought upon this planet without wanting to, without even knowing it. Can we do something about it? No. Can we do something of our existence? Definitely, yes.

First and foremost, it would be dangerous to assume 2021 will necessarily be worse than 2020. We don’t know what it has in store for us, if this pandemic will finally disappear, if we will get our freedom back. We still need more patience to find out. Yes, patience, this virtue we’re all running out of. We were asked to be “patient” for a vaccine to come, “patient” for everybody to get the vaccine… and then? What will we need to be “patient” for? We are constantly being asked to be patient… but we don’t have any more patience in store! 2020 exhausted us, made us lose all hope, so how can we find the courage to still be patient? Let’s see about five personal strategies I used to survive the worst year of my life.

Step 1: Learn to Know Yourself

First step: use the seemingly worthless lockdown time to focus on yourself. Prior to 2020, I was always caught up in this work-home cycle: go to work, come back home, answer emails… I am (or rather was) a university researcher/teacher (and will be almost unemployed with too many degrees from January 2021 on) devoting my whole being to my work without thinking of myself a single second. Well, lockdown had this really positive advantage: it forced me to slow down, stay home and think about myself. Ironically enough, it enabled me to think about new dreams and to fall back in love with passions work had made me forget: reading, drawing, playing videogames.

My point is, when locked up home alone, the only thing you can do is think about yourself. How not to get bored or depressed? Well, simple: learn to know yourself in the process and do things that make you feel fulfilled. Use this time to reflect upon these rather simple questions: “Who am I really inside?”, “What can I do to feel better?”, “Which activities make me feel better?”.

You’ve always dreamed of starting a business: use this seemingly useless time to plan it! You’ve always wanted to learn to play piano: freakin’ awesome, just do it”! You’ve always wanted to learn Spanish: ¡Adelante!

You’ll be surprised how doing things that make you feel fulfilled can improve your life and enable you to escape anxiety and depression.

Step 2: Appreciate Each Moment

Oh man, I’m locked in with my parents, how annoying. Well, I was locked in with my family too and tried to enjoy every moment.

A few months later, I found out my father has cancer. Do I regret spending time with my parents when they were happy and healthy? Hell no!

Life is short, guys, so enjoy every second you can spend with your loved ones. You never know what will happen tomorrow, so enjoy every moment as if it were the last, you’ll be grateful for that when tragedies happen. Every moment you can spend with your loved ones is precious, and I willingly acknowledge that I was not aware of it prior to this year. This was one of the main 2020 teachings for me: if you are lucky enough not to be alone (cheers to all these people who do not have anyone to spend lockdowns with), make the most of it, and you’ll figure out your loved ones can enable you to remain positive and supported even in your darkest moments.

Step 3: Be Thankful, Rather than Bitter

Humble disclaimer: been there, done that. It is soooo easy to complain about all your problems. Of course, everything is wrong in 2020: there are so many things that make you miserable to complain about.

Well, don’t. Sh*t happens. What makes you sad won’t disappear because you complain about it. Do you think complaining will have a kind of catharsis effect and solve all your problems just because you say them out loud? Definitely not.

Instead of complaining, have you already tried to adopt a more positive mindset, for instance by focusing on one aspect of your life you are thankful of each day? Instead of thinking “I am so doomed, I can’t even go to the bar with my friends anymore”, try thinking “At least, I still have friends to go to the bar with when all of this is over”. The effect on your life and your mindset will be awesome.

Is it easy to do? Of course not! But give it a go.

Step 4: SPEAK OUT!

Do you feel alone, do you feel lonely, do you feel exhausted, do you feel pointless? Welcome to the club, you’re not alone. Have you ever thought of talking about it with someone?

Don’t get me wrong: the 3d step was about not complaining too much, but it is of crucial importance to share your feelings with someone. Don’t you have a family to share your thought with? Well, try your friends, or even the Internet! Our globalised world enables us to always be in touch with someone. Why did I start writing on Medium? Well, exactly for this reason! Of course, my family and friends are of great help, but one shouldn’t hesitate to share your feelings with anyone if one feels it is necessary. You’re not alone, friend!

Do you feel scared about sharing your feelings with your friends and relatives? Psychologists are there for you. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it: psychologists are there to listen to your problems in an objective way and to come up with solutions and strategies to make you feel better. Many friends of mine did so (and I am planning to do it myself), and they all agree that it helped them a great deal. So, what are you waiting for?

Step 5: Don’t Drink Too Much

This last step is here for you, people who drink to forget hard situations. Again, don’t get me wrong here: during the first lockdown, I always had several bottles of alcohol next to my bed (not beer, but more kinda whisky, rum) from which I drank every time I was feeling bad (every evening, to tell the truth). Of course, while this may temporarily put your mind at ease, think about all the physical problems it will cause: diabetes, liver issues, weight gain…

Except for chemistry, alcohol is rarely a solution (nor are drugs): it will create addictions you did not have before, and when the global situation gets better… well you’ll still have to deal with these addictions. Instead, try to communicate, to understand other people’s point of view, and to seek help whenever you feel lonely. You may feel alone and despaired, but one is never really alone: local organisations and professionals can help you!

(Of course, this does not mean enjoying a nice drink with your friends -when allowed again- is a bad idea).

Bonus step: Don’t Watch the News (too often)

And this last step comes for free: watching the news every single day is a VERY bad idea. The only words you’ll hear are “lockdown”, “deaths”, “increasing infection rate”, “closed restaurants”. Nothing positive, to say the least.

But news has this particularity: it tells about the main events taking place in the world every day, and we all know no major positive event is taking place at the moment. So, why don’t you play board games with your family or read a nice book instead?

Let’s Welcome 2021

We all saw 2020 was an awful year, full of bad surprises, and personal and collective strategies. Let’s enjoy Christmas like we can, and let’s pray 2021 is going to be a better year.

Let 2021 be the year when we can meet with our friends again, when we find a job, when we spend quality time with our loved ones. Let 2021 be a better year, though not perfect, for the whole world.

I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year.