How to Remain Calm When You Really Want to Scream
By: Carla D. Wilson Laskey
Tags: Growth, Humor, Family, Advice, Parenting

How to Remain Calm When You Really Want to Scream

Things to Remember When Parenting Your 20-Something-Year-Old Young Adults

Photo by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash

First of all. For the record. Let me say this. “I do love my 3 young adult children.”

I know children are blessings from above yada, yada, yada. And all that other good stuff. And I, like most loving parents, would without would hesitation lay down my life for them if necessary.

But dammit sometimes they make me want to scream and pull all my hair out my head! (Takes a slow calming breath).

I was forewarned this parenting thing never gets easier. I’m reminded of a quote about parenting from Jake Slope who said:

“Parenting is a life time job and does not stop when a child grows up.”

Yes, the relationship does evolve. But it does not become “easy peasy” by no stretch of the imagination. At least not when you have 3 young adults who are all in their early to mid-twenties. Or, at least not for us. And not for a number of friends and family I know. Thankfully we have a built-in support group of people who “get it” and with whom we can share the madness.

Who Are These People?

Photo by MaddiesCreation on Unsplash

Just last night. We were laying in bed laughing out loud as we discussed one of our latest “an alien abducted our real child” episode. And this is where I’ll add. Humor helps. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the situation. Perhaps to keep your sanity. Or maybe to keep from crying. Whichever the reason. The “Laughter is a good medicine” proverb is sage wisdom.

I kid you not. I swear sometimes my husband and I look at each other in total disbelief. Both wondering the same unspoken thought. “Who are these children and where did they come from?”

Yeah. We’ve been doing it long enough to maintain calm faces and voices on the outside. But on the inside. Our eyes are bulging. Our mouths are wide open. And we are yelling loudly at the top of our lungs and trying to keep our hands to ourselves.

One would never know by looking at our calm demeanor. Thankfully we’d already been married 25 years before our eldest offspring turned 20. Because of this, we’ve already built a pretty solid foundation and supportive bond. At least one solid enough to maintain our sanity now that we have a triple threat of 20 something-year-olds.

Keep reading to find out some things other than laughter that help us to maintain our sense of calmness.

5 Important Reminders to Help Maintain Your Parental Calmness

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Here are 5 reminders to help parents of 20 something-year-old young adults. These reminders will help you maintain a sense of calmness when the desire to scream is bubbling on the surface of your frontal lobe.

Remember, this too will pass. — Remember no matter what the situation or circumstance. It will not last forever. Breath and allow patience and the mere passing of time to work its wonders.

2. Remember, they’re not crazy their brains are still developing. — According to Sandra Aamodt, neuroscientist, and co-author of the book “Welcome to Your Child’s Brain. Science is on our side. In an NPR interview entitled “Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years she states:

So the changes that happen between 18 and 25 are a continuation of the process that starts around puberty, and 18 year olds are about halfway through that process. Their prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. That’s the part of the brain that helps you to inhibit impulses and to plan and organize your behavior to reach a goal.

3. Remember to always cast a vision for a better future. — Although it may not seem like it during times of whatever current crisis or debacle in which you and your young adult find yourselves facing. Never lose hope. One day you’ll be able to look back at the experience and laugh together about it with your future grandchildren. Yes. The one’s who will eventually exact payback to your “now you’re the parent” offspring. (Sweet justice.)

4. Remember you were once the young adult in the scenario. — Maybe you didn’t have the exact same experiences with your parents when you were in your 20’s. Perhaps you were a “goodie two shoes” and near damn perfect. (Raises hand to indicate “that’s me”). Well. Newsflash. There are no perfect 20 something-year-old young adults.

No matter who you are and how good you were. Whether your parents told you are not. There is something you did that made your parents want to scream and pull their hair out. If you never knew. This may be a good time to go ask them about it if you’re still blessed with their presence in your life. I’m sure they have some stories to tell (wink).

5. Remember, for the record. You really do love them. — Although they’ve developed from babies to toddlers, to adolescents to teens and are now young adults. They are still your children. And because of this. No matter how many times they make you want to scream and pull out all of your hair. The bottom line is. They’re yours. Love them unconditionally.

In Conclusion

So the next time your wonderful 20 something-year-old young adult tries your last nerves. And you are imagining drop-kicking them are serving them a quick karate chop. Think about these 5 reminders instead.

Take a breath. Remain calm. Don’t scream. And by all means. Don’t pull out all your hair. Remember. You are not alone. As a matter of fact. You’re a member of an ever-growing team. And when the brains of all our 20-something-year-old young adults fully develop. We will all win. So hang in there. We got this. We are parents. Hear us roar.

Until the next time,

Much Love & Peace,

CarlaDee

Click the story below to read more about me and our family.