How to Un-Personalise Problems and Overcome Them
Tags: Life, Self Help, Life Lessons, Problem Solving, Self Improvement

Personal growth may be what we seek, but it doesn’t seem to look for us. Sometimes you are cruising along uphill, but then it becomes difficult to even find level ground to walk on.

That’s because growth is not a straight process upwards. You have to overcome a short peak to reach higher. Problem-solving is challenging, but the way you approach problems can be life-changing. Here are some ways that might help.

Look at the Problem From a Third Person POV

I had a broken family. Parents fought daily. I became depressed, compensated by eating shit, became obese. Had no friends, was antisocial. I had trust issues, broken relationships myself.

A person with such a story might feel heartbroken, anxious, and depressed. These issues become a mountain too big to climb when it comes to growth. It hits the emotions and triggers the past.

But if we try a better approach:

Let’s list all the problems that a person might be facing:

Obesity.

Emotionally unwell, Bad state of mind.

Anti-social, Trust issues.

Let’s remove the “past” and “emotions” out of this.

Aren’t these problems very similar to what we see to people around us? The issues we’re trying to deal with are not extraordinary.

This is the reality. Remove the person out of the problems, and you’ll see that they are very objective. Without past baggage and emotions attached to it, every issue is very generic. So is its solution. One way to find a solution to those problems would be to consult someone not very close but trusted. That’s why psychologists can be helpful. A person who’s close to you might try to empathize or care enough to get emotionally affected.

These are problems that have ready-made solutions. One google search, and you know what to do.

I had a single mom, no father. Father went away but supplied enough money so that I ate and played video games and night. University hurt self-esteem. Masturbated because I couldn’t get a girl. Other than free-flowing money and a mother who sleeps around, I don’t have anything else.

Our mind fools us. The coupling of emotional attachment with the objective of the problem makes the whole thing exaggerated. In this case, the issues are:

Distant parenting

Obese

No self-worth due to no accomplishments

Lacks social skills

If we consider the whole story, it feels like the person had been so unfortunate. He holds a tragic past.

But when we try to remove the entire past and story out of it, some fundamental problems exist.

1. Obesity

2. No Real Accomplishments

3. No Real Relationships (Romantic and platonic)

These problems are relatively simple to address.

Cut down on fat, hit the gym.

Upskill, read, learn. Go to university, or take up some courses online.

Relationships will happen once the confidence is there.

The aim is to cut out all the individual input and emotional attachment about you and focus on just your problem.

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

How to solve the problem

Now, this has various approaches. We have to solve the problems from a third-person perspective. Do proper research, talk to people who’ve been facing similar issues.

Cut out the emotional bullshit.

Cut out the constant need to hear from others — “Shit, man, really bad to hear about that.”

No whining and opening out to people and repeating your story again and again. Your target is the goal or problem-solving. You don’t have to seek validation or attention of/from people.

Putting your story out to every person you meet is a bad idea. It fucks your mind over and over again with stuff that has nothing to do with the present.

You know, your mindset at this point is critical. Rehearsing the plot again and again will imbalance your strengthened brain and fuck it up.

Okay, we begin with research. We’ve got the list of problems you’re facing. We go to experts or do intensive searches from authentic sources online. Now you execute them accordingly.

Pick Obesity:

You can pick surgical methods if it’s extreme.

Try different diets like Keto.

Intermittent fasting.

Lifting and heavy cardio.

There are infinite programs available.

Pick one up, and you’re ready to go!

No Relationships, No Social Life.

Read about it. Dale Carnegie has got your back on this one.

Go out and take action. Apply whatever is written in those books — one step at a time.

Go to public places, gatherings, events, clubs, any social place. Meet new people and try out stuff.

The point is to remove whatever your past offered you. Make the approach goal-oriented.

It will be tough.

You cannot let your emotions go swimming after keeping them strangled on the shore so long.

The research will be interesting; you’ll find new things that you never knew. Don’t waste your time: efficient research and more efficient action.

Check if your picked solution works; if yes, you’ll see the results. If now, mix some methods or try something else.

Don’t let the comfort come in. Let me repeat; the goal is to be reached. Whatever it takes.

Photo by Isaac Smith on Unsplash

The shittiest thing you’d be doing is going over different methods again and again before trying one way ultimately. You have to let yourself react to it naturally.

Do not let your emotions take you over again and again. It will weaken your grit and takes you 1 step back. Don’t stop; keep going.

You don’t need “A cheat day” or “An Off Day” just for the sake of it. Your goal is important; work for it.

Oppose the urge to puke your negative thought cycles.

Start Taking over Your Trauma

This is the stage that one usually tries to counter in the very beginning. Does not work.

Why do you ask? It’s a vicious circle. It is just you playing around your brain. There’s no impact or improvement in real life.

You have to change your mental image to fix your insecurity.

We figured out your problems and fixed your concerns while ignoring the emotions, which was tough and made you more challenging. This was intentional. Half of the work is done without trying actively to achieve it.

Now you’re at a stage when you’ve have worked on your insecurities and have become a stronger person.

You are fit now — mentally, physically, financially, and whatever-ically.

Now the memory inside your head won’t wholly go away suddenly. It would take some time to fix your self-image and fill the voids with confidence.

Say you were antisocial then and felt like everyone hated you. Now you’ve built better relationships with friends and romantically as well. These will help heal your emotional wounds over time.

The changes in you will change your surroundings. These new surroundings will help you heal yourself. It will take some months, but it will happen.

And with time, you will be able to accept that you’ve become way better.