Nerd Romance — The Prequel. May I ask you a question?
By: Jack Herlocker
Tags: Nerd Romance, Fiction, Fiction Friday, High School, Planned Spontaneity

Nerd Romance — The Prequel

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

“May I ask you a question?”

He resisted his usual response: “You just did.” His father had told him — repeatedly — that “only smartass kids say shit like that, and nobody wants a smartass kid in their college.” So he finished the paragraph in the paperback he was reading over his lunch period, and then looked up at the questioner.

Oh. It was her. This semester he had Chemistry and English classes with her. Most semesters he had at least one class with her; in a high school the size of theirs, that would be unusual, statistically, but with ability groupings the same three dozen or so kids tended to clump together through the class schedules, year after year. This semester she was on the other side of the bench in Chem lab, two rows behind in Chem class, and just in front of him in English.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at her. She looked back at him. She looked down at the empty chair next to him (all the chairs at the table were empty — he liked being able to read quietly at lunch) then back at him. He looked at the chair — still empty, so what was the deal? — and back at her.

“May I sit down?” she asked.

“Was that the question?” he replied. No, that was a smartass kid answer, that was wrong, stupid stupid. “Sure!” he followed up quickly and probably too emphatically. She rotated the chair so that she would be facing him while sitting, and sat. She pulled some papers out of the folder she’d been carrying.

“So, we’re both juniors, we’re both going to college. We’ve talked about that in Chem lab. We are also behind our peer groups, socially. Neither of us has ever been on a date. When we get to college, this will be a big deal, because we’ll be competing with peers who know how to network socially and use people skills to their advantage.” She handed him one of the papers. “What I’m proposing is a plan to get us both up to speed on our social graces. I think this would be mutually beneficial for both of us.”

“If it’s mutually beneficial, it would have to be for both of us. Redundant.” He looked down at the paper.

“Things like that,” she countered. “Making pedantic corrections to someone’s speech. Especially in a case where superficial redundancy may actually be used as a rhetorical device to provide emphasis to an important point. Anyway. I laid out this plan to cover basic events that most high schoolers encounter before graduating. I cross-checked with my sister, who is currently at Stanford, as to which particulars were most pertinent and whether I had missed any significant milestones. What you see here details my original plan incorporating her suggestions. They are presented in order of execution.”

He absorbed the details neatly written on lined paper, in bullet format. “You have very nice handwriting. Easy to read,” he commented absently as he went. He paused on a bullet halfway through. “So you are suggesting we meet each other’s families?” He gave her a concerned look.

“Yes. My sister tells me this is important in any potential or actual relationship. Coming face to face with relatives of a boyfriend/girlfriend, especially parents, has certain established customs that are important to practice. Especially a male meeting the female’s father and the female meeting the male’s mother.”

He grunted. “Fine. I guess. My parents tend to make too much of these things. Meeting my sister’s boyfriends is somehow always a major event. And I doubt you’ll want to meet the Princess Bitch. She’ll probably be on a date or out with friends, so you should be safe.”

She tilted her head quizzically. “‘The Princess Bitch’? This would be…”

“My sister. You’ll figure it out when you meet her.” He finished reading the list, grunted approval, and handed it out to her. “It all makes sense to me.”

“Good. Keep that, it’s your copy. So. Since the first item is a mutual outing to a minor event such as a movie, I thought we should decide on a date, time, and appropriate movie.” She reached and handed him a second paper. “These are the movies I find acceptable in the local area, with dates and times and locations.”

He looked at the list and smiled. “You have Monty Python and the Holy Grail as the first choice.”

She smiled back. “I know.” They had determined through discussions in Chem Lab that they were both Python fans.

“I think Wednesday at 5:50pm would work well. And the Old Orchard Theater is close enough to get to quickly but far enough away that we probably will not encounter anyone we know. May I suggest dinner there? They have an area that serves food outside the theater proper.” He looked at the paper. “Is this also my copy?”

“Yes. Good. So… I think the protocol is that you will pick me up. I will inform my parents that I will be studying at a friend’s house that night. You may pick me up at 5:00. Directions to my house are on the back of the movie page. Acceptable?” She started getting her things together to depart.

“Acceptable.” He reached out to shake her hand. “I will see you tomorrow at 5:00pm.”

“Excellent.” She shook his hand and departed.