Growing Up in a Liberal State in a Conservative County
Tags: Immigrant Children, American Dream, California, Racial Identity, Coming Of Age

“Hola Amigo,” a 50-something year old white man casually says to his white friend in horrible Spanish. They are both born and raised in Orange County, Southern California. Probably surfers since the 70s and 80s. They look comfortable everywhere they go in their dad outfits, shriveled tan skin, and shroud of privilege. The friends vote Republican but they have someone like my mom clean their house once or twice a week. They eat Mexican food in greasy, inauthentic spots where they scoop watery, tasteless salsas onto stale chips. They love cheap Mexican food and home renovations and clean homes. But they do not like seeing Mexicans in their city.

Growing up in Orange County messed me up. My childhood was great because I was oblivious to the stares and why my mom got them. I attended a dance studio until I was 14. My mom struggling to pay for classes and competitions; rushing me to the studio after picking me up from afterschool childcare. I had no friends at the studio and I thought it was because of my loud personality. I now look back and realize that the studio was attended by rich white kids with Republican parents. When I was 11 I heard a mom say she did not go to a certain shopping plaza because it was attended by Mexicans. She must go to that plaza now given that they opened a Trader Joes there. Recently I looked up one of my prior dance teachers. She turned out to be a Trump-loving Immigrant-hating tweeter. How hypocritical given how profusely she thanked my mom for the tamales every holiday season.

Can the reason I have mild social anxiety be traced back to growing up in Orange County with a Mexican immigrant mother who spoke limited English? Probably. Can the reason I have never been able to relate to or trust or closely befriend white people be because I grew up in Orange County? Yes. Am I quick to see the negative qualities in white people over any positive qualities? Yes again. Sometimes my mindset saddens me but I am quick to forgive myself given that the cautiousness I feel around white people is a self-defense mechanism.

When I first saw a Trump tent in a corner of my hometown ahead of the 2020 election I wanted to cry. Then I saw one after another one and it made me angry. From a stoplight, I saw Latina moms walk hand in hand with their children by those Trump groupie tents. It made me realize that their kids would not get to be oblivious to the dirty looks and hateful energy as long as I had been. They would feel hurt and shame for being on one side of a meaningless border over the other.

I am back in Orange County. This is not surprising given that at this time a record-breaking 52% of young adults are living back at home(Times). At my new job, one of my Microsoft Teams-introduced coworkers found out I lived in Orange County. They said they were jealous because their sister had moved there and loved it. He is white from a suburb in Northern California and he was surprised to find out I did not like Orange County. I almost told him that it was the perfect place to live if you were white and loved to pretend that everything in the world was right.

I stay inside my house because it is what you are supposed to be doing. I am not surprised that others in my county have no regard for others during this pandemic. They showed their lack of empathy through their omnipresent hate for their immigrant neighbors.

I cannot wait to leave Orange County once again.