Dear Baba Ollie
By: Mark Malekela
Tags: Relationships, Love, Breakups, Youth Story Series

“It’s about my love life so far and how I have been catching up the last few months… I have been writing in my phone notebook on different days whenever I feel like I have to let something out.” She says.

“Oooh, I see, let’s hear it out then.” I say.

She takes her phone from her red expensive pouch and says, “You can have a look at my writing and get a grasp of how it all went. Then, I’ll tell you the real story…”

I receive the phone and go through her notebook for a couple of minutes as she sips her glass of juice… and it goes something like this:

25th June he spaced up with me and it was very hard. I couldn’t take the space thing and so I made him choose between staying and leaving, for good. Guess what?he choose to leave. Can you imagine? 2 days later, 27th June 10:10am, we broke up!😊 Nothing really hurts like investing your energy on a wrong place. I did everything to please him, I did everything to fit in the lifestyle he wants, I did everything he told me to do. I was so devoted like a wife material to keep it in that way; I became a woman that a man would want for life. But it happened that we weren’t on the same page. He didn’t believe in us. He didn’t believe we would work, and it’s so heart breaking. I am too young for devotion but this one fooled me and he made me think that I got the world under my feet now.

There’s a saying that goes, “when a woman loves, she can do anything to have you.” Mueni seems to have been soo into it and serious with love. But why things fall apart?

I look at her, she smiles; I feeel so sorry for her.

He started becoming so busy and showed signs that I was unworthy but I still held on saying to myself “ well he’s probably too busy on a positive way, I’ll still find my time to spend it with him no matter what.” But in reality that was not the way things were.

I am now broken I can’t even locate myself. I’m at that state I don’t really know how am feeling. I am not sad, I am not happy and I am neither angry but I just feel numb, nothing to feel. Anyways, I’m doing okay. Thanks to the lovely friends I have. Despite me ignoring my cycle and focusing on my relationship; they were still ready to accept me back. Life is too small and I am too young for all of this. They made me realize that. I will not stop praying that’s what keeps me moving right now. Why did you even fall for the trap I set up? I am so desperate to know why and I got my answer. They say, “they’re all the same” well you’re. Got what you wanted and off you went. wow🥺

I stop right theree for a moment and take a sip of juice. She seemed so depressed heree. I look at her again, and I can forgive her for that. I believe, not all men are that. Most are. But not all. This societal ideal doesn’t just cling on my mind, I’m not that way, and I don’t like it. It’s all about ‘his’ character. It’s all about a person as a person and not all.

And of course, there are other chaps out there with the likely mindset as mine. Maybe!

I will wait forever for a better reason on why you left, but not that for heavens sake. It’s so weird that we had talked out on that matter so what triggered you to make religion separate us. Anyways you always saw me as a kid but trust me ...it was so childish of you to end it on a text and escaped my calls.

Okay, am kinda pissed today arrrgghhh!!! Congratulations on the launching of your app. I really wish that I could be able to tell you this, hug you and celebrate the achievement. I miss the nights where you could involve me in offering ideas, it meant a lot. To my side I lost focus on the Cake business we were discussing the other day. But no worries I will get back into my feet soon, I will make you proud even though I know you won’t care anymore. I love you Boo to the moon and back. It’s another day again. I can’t stand this. Going through our pictures and I swear we were a perfect match and we still are I believe that. I really love him. All these changes my heart can’t take. . .I really don’t understand all of this. My days have been crying days,to a guy who doesn’t even give a fuck about me anymore. I know I will get over this not very soon but I believe I will be okay some day. Fahad I love you, I wish to some point you were reading this. I miss your love emails, I miss you. I miss the energy between us. You made my life so so hard. I’m so stressed but I smile and look very okay, chilled and happy on social media.

I will not settle until I find my inner peace again, I don’t know when that will be but there will come that day. Dear Boo, how I wish to text you and call you asking if you’re okay. Teasing you and telling you how much I loved you. Too bad, our fairytale didn’t make it. A wrong person picked my Cinderella glass heel. Dear Baba Ollie, I and Ollie miss you so much daddy. Come home soon. Lets make more babies. ps:that’s was the best birthday present ever. You gave me what I loved most, Cats!

I stare at her phone for a bit. On Mueni’s phone notebook. I’m thinking about Fahad now because I’m too tired, to be honest. I make a mental note to Google the guy. Surely, he must have done something with his life. . .and his app!

“So, you love cats?” I ask, calmly. “Oooh yeaah, very muuch. It’s my favourite.” She says.

Sometimes it gets tiresome when you’re always the one fighting EGO in the relationship. Cheers to the girls out there fighting so hard to keep their relationships. I guess I was tired to fight again, I wasn’t needed. I am in tears crying for the love that I can’t save anymore, the love of my life has gone, all the hopes and dreams we had, he took away along with him. Kept so much strength and believed in us that we will work no matter the religion basis, I was ready for anything just to keep him, My FAHAD; his FADINA. (look I was even ready to change my name to fit his and the religion, funny right?🤒) God give me strength. Another day, another mystery. Jesus lead me, I can’t deal with this alone🙏 All I wanted was a life around you, and nothing more. Hope you be a lot happier your way. I wish you the best your way and I love you so much Fahad: ). It’s kinda starting not to hurt but I can’t stop thinking about him, I love him so much. He will realize my worth one day. Good night my love. 27/7, it’s one month now since we broke up. Happy one month break up anniversary to us 🙂. It hurts but I now know am not needed anymore. I invested my time in the wrong place, maybe this relationship was to teach me something. It’s hard to move on, but now I am moving on. I won’t rush into a next relationship, I just can’t. My happiness is still to him but I surely know I will get over it soon and a man who really and truly loves me will come to me.

ALL THE BEST TO HIS LIFE.❤️💕 27/8 wow time really flies doesn’t it ☺️ 27/9...it is still September my birthday month. Tbh I have had the best time of my life especially in my birthday week. September has been so magical, wow. I had no time to think about him neither the mess it has kept me into, and it feels really good. Though it hurts at some point, on the last birthday he said to me “cheers to more birthdays with you” he lied 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦‍♂️ anyways am good I had the best time with the girls. October hasn’t been that bad. Went back to uni for my supplementary. I sweared to God that I won’t step a foot around his street ever, but hey I just did. Went to buy time at his friend’s place since I had an appointmennt late that night. It was so weird cause I could see his place but didn’t go there anymore. Nothing was pushy in me anymore with the need to see him like before. I guess am doing better. So hello again here ...it’s 2nd Nov. Omg, I haven’t felt this good. My past months were shit, am glad am over it and still recovering and learning more about the ways of men. Yes..I still have our pictures and album at some point I feel like there’s hope. But at some point it feels like a breakthrough that I can look at those pictures and feel nothing like before. Am so glad am not madly In love with you that I could look at our pictures and feel the butterflies in my stomach, things are getting better and better. The break up has quite messed up other staffs in my life including my friendship with my bestie, well I have it under control though. I’m trying so hard to stay in my lane and having a full “me” time. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me and now it’s all ghost to me. And am also glad I did well in my supplementary exams and I passed. I don’t have to repeat any module for my second year. Trust me the break up really messed my academic life at some point. You’re forgiven. I met new people, new men, guys, boys, gentlemen, fuck boys too and zaddies(not funny) and I have explored and learnt a lot, I swear these men really have tricks. I’m still not ready am so scared I can’t do love and trust anymore, am broken asf. But they say time heals, I can’t keep on rejecting good men out there who try their luck in me. Until then, I’ll deal with bootycalls for now at least it won’t break my heart and the intentions are really set clear. Unlike the fake promises you gave to me. Lemme end here. The torture inside has been real. It made me even suicidal at some point.It’s real, depression kills.Talk your heart out, it heals and I feel healed now. Finally I was able to unfollow him on Twitter. Wow. Bye

🤦‍♂️I look at her and am saddened! What a lifee she has had to go through, for a year and some months.

I cross my right leg at a 4-angle and tell her, “now tell me the real thing.” Like, why all of this?

(To be continued…)