A Very Stark Christmas: Chapter 4
By: Laura Johnson
Tags: Stark Mystery, A Very Stark Christmas, Christmas, Jolly Fun, Humor

A Very Stark Christmas: Chapter 4

A Stark Mystery

The taxi screeched to a stop in front of us. Helen and I climbed in, leaving the disheveled, uneaten pizza behind with any hopes of another slice. I was going to be hungry, but only slightly more important, Christmas was disappearing. We needed to crack this case, and the driver needed directions.

Just when I was going to ask, a bus careened through the intersection right in front of us. Believe or not and you will because this is part of the story, it was the Partridge Family bus again!

“Follow that bus!” I shouted at the driver.

We were in pursuit until the bus turned into a vacant parking lot and then parked. Helen quickly left the cab fare for me to take care of, then I followed her to the bus.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I thought Reuben was driving this thing — Rueben!”

The door of the bus opened to a man,

"That was my dad, my dad’s show. My name is Carl. You should really come with us."



"Us? Who’s us?"

The window opened to Santa Danny’s head saying,"Me! Danny Bonaduce! Carl’s my agent who’s also my driver. I decided to tag along in between my roles."

Helen and I exchanged looks.

She climbed onto the bus ahead of me. "We don’t even know where to start. "

"Perfectly not true, nobody cared to ask me... " I mumbled a few syllables more, straightening my trench coat.

Inside the bus, what had once been full of Christmas lights, decorations and gifts was almost empty but for a few ugly ornaments.

“It’s disappearing.” Danny said. “All of it. Except the ugly ones.”

Reuben Carl had taken the wheel once more, the Big Apple became smaller and smaller in the rear window. Like a cherry, or cranberry maybe, I couldn’t quite figure it out.

“All I know,” I heard Danny talking to Helen, “is this old Partridge Family bus is the key! Carl says it practically drives itself!”

Reuben Carl shouted from the front, “Look up there! Penguins!”

As the bus came to an abrupt stop before them, I was able to get a closer look.

There were three of them. Chubby, cute little penguins dressed in black and white, waving at us.

“Stark, we have to help these nuns. It looks like they broke down out here! ”

“Helen, we don’t have much time!”

I had no idea how much time we actually had, or what we would do with it if we had it. Danny helped them aboard, along with a thin leafy tree, it’s roots wrapped in burlap.

“Merci!”

“Merci!”

“Merci!”

I let them sit up front, settling in noisily, with words I couldn’t understand.

“Cluck"

“Cluck”

Cluck”

Danny sat behind me, holding the little tree up. “It’s a pear tree, Stark.”

Suddenly, the radio turned on, filling the bus with Jingle Bells.

“Hey!” Reuben Carl exclaimed. “The songs are back!”

Helen tapped me on the shoulder excitedly, “Stark! It’s a Christmas Carol!”

“Yes, Helen, it’s not my favorite though, it reminds me of the time my Grandma — ”

“No, Stark, a Partridge! Danny! He has a pear tree! And 3 French nuns! Hens, Stark! 3 French Hens!"

Danny caught on quick, “By golly, you’re right! We need to find 2 turtle doves- and that other crap! Let’s head out Carl!”

"Look, there’s been a lot of talk of chicken lately.” I said. “I’m hungry and we can’t even get a fruitcake right now. Tell me, is that ever possible?”

But I admitted that she was right. “It’s looking like we have 10 more days to go in 4 days.”

We were all quiet. Even the penguins.

"Danny, what do you call an unemployed musician."

"It doesn’t matter, Stark. I played bass."

"A drummer. Danny, what do you call the guy that hangs out with the band."

"Knock if off Stark."

"The bass player."

"Get me off this bus!"

“Now tell me, Danny, what’s your favorite Christmas sandwich. And don’t lie to me, I can smell it when you’re lying.”

“What are you talking about Stark, you’re losing it! Maybe I should’ve hired Helen.”

He had a point, but before he started singing about it the bus rolled to another stop.