Child care approach & it’s many hurdles.
By: Jheel Shah
Tags: Parenthood, Children, Motherhood, Fatherhood, Parenting

1. Kids and tantrums?

Allowing them to do what they want rather than stopping them from doing it will curb them from throwing tantrums. If you are stopping them from doing it because it’s wrong, let them experience it first hand and then realise the same rather than you stopping them which will make them feel like you aren’t allowing them to experience something. Let them learn for themselves as children absorb better when self taught.

If their fit is craving based, give them the good and bad side of the craving and allow them to think and understand if it is right for them thereby enabling children to make a choice. This is one of the most important things parents forget to do because they want the best for their children in the course of which many kids turn out to be puppeting ones who are constantly seeking approval and consent of their parents without using their minds to think about whether something is right for them or otherwise.

Instead of using the word NO, try using “how about we try this instead?” Or “don’t you think this is better!?” In any of their actions you think is incorrect. Make them analyse and reason for themselves rather than you doing it for them. Avoid using negative phrases as much as possible since they latch onto everything they hear and sometimes use it as a defense mechanism to find a way out. They’re trying to learn a 1000 little things every second and the last thing they want to learn is obstruction while learning or unlearning or even re learning an activity for that matter.

Any kind of outburst mustn’t allow you to give in or retort. Instead, listen to the child and comprehend the direction of his or her anger. Instead of a parent reaction, explain the child that what he is requesting for is not possible by giving them disadvantages of their demands and allowing them to decide for themselves whether they want it or not. Allow them to be decision makers from a very young age, it will provide them independence in approach while they grow.

2. How does one go about managing anger of both the parent & the child amidst the lockdown and otherwise?

Expressing anger in the presence of a child or otherwise is absolutely unhealthy for both. Even if the child isn’t watching you express anger, he is surely listening. And they pick up vocal tones better than any mimicking artist. So as much as possible keep anger away from not just your child but yourself too.

Aggressive behaviour of children can be curtailed by first addressing as to why they’re behaving in that manner. Is it because they want something, is it a demand, a craving, a frustration, a fit, a need or just a means of seeking attention. First address it with the child. Talk to the child. Ask questions. Are you upset? Are you angry? Why are you upset? What made you say that? What made you do that? Children always respond to simple questions naturally since they do not have the ability to fully explain or express in words what they are going through. Their maximum communication at that age is a yes or a no or an expression that you will have to pick upon.

3. Expectations Vs Realistic Expectations from children.

Having expectations from the child – Always remember that you are the parent and not the child and therefore the more learned one and hence, the child is the one who Will naturally have more expectations from you than you from him. Why? For example. When I teach a class of 30 kids, I have to make sure that I fulfil each one of their expectations in the curriculum that I am about to teach them. I can’t lose their attention nor can I give up. Children always look for new things to learn. It’s inbuilt. They’re built that way. And as parents it is our responsibility to make sure that we fulfil their expectations by giving them optimum knowledge about what they’re asking. As parents, the only thing one must expect is for them to enjoy, absorb and make sure they learn will fully what is being taught to them.

Speaking of realistic expectations – what are realistic expectations? How can one have realistic or unrealistic expectations from a child at this time especially when he or she is surrounded by a fixed number of people. Kids have been kept indoors for the longest time now and in fact it is beyond their capacity to be fully aware of what it is to fulfil the expectations of his or her parents. All he can expect from you is to be entertained through the day. And In return, all you ought to expect from him is to learn what he enjoyed while you taught him through the day. Yes, do empathise with the child only then will you know what actually is In his mind. But as for the expectations part of it, you should only expect him to enjoy his day despite being indoors by making sure you’ve the right activities set aside for him.

4. Whiny children.

If children are crying, allow them to do so as it’s part of a growth phase. Make sure they aren’t too overwhelmed with crying and allow them to find peace with it. Having done so, talk to them, ask them and make them question their own wrong doings rather than pointing out to them with a blunt NO. They hold far more emotions behind their tears than what we see and it’s very important As parents to help them express themselves and comprehend entirely what they’re saying with least use of words.

5. Do’s and don’t’s with children.

Don’t make children powerless by enforcing do’s and donts, law’s and order’s about lifestyle habits. He is in his home and don’t make him feel otherwise. Instead pose as examples and make sure they’re watching you do the right things so they know and understand that anything else if done is wrong. They learn and absorb a lot more visually than they ever will verbally.

6. Meal time VS meal.

Distractive eating is harmful and not something I’m In favour of. If you start it once, they’ll always seek means of being distracted while eating rather than enjoying and learning what’s good about what they’re eating.

Meal time VS meal – why is this fit common? Because children are told to sit down and sit mannerly for a meal. Again, rather than being a “telling” parent, be the “doing” parent and give them a virtual experience of why meal time is as important as having a meal Itself. When they notice that you focus on your meal and quality of food that you’re eating they will follow. They will be curious and they will ask you more than you already know about what you’re eating. But make sure it’s a virtual learning experience for them.

How I think we can make this meal time vs meal interesting and what we practiced in school was to revolve your child’s meal time behind a story. For example, if you’re making him have a wholesome lunch, have names for each of the dishes and give them characters in your story, enable and spark the imagination aspect or rather the left brain of your child during these times. It works wonders. I promise you, you will forget the meal time vs meal debate and your child will enjoy his meals everyday from then on.

7. Rewarding children.

Rewarding – rewarding is great. But ensure that they don’t reaffirm only for rewards but also learn more about what they’re being rewarded for after you have rewarded them. For example if a child knows the name of a fruit, he reaffirms it for a reward, don’t stop there. Reward him and ask him or tell him more about the fruit so as to enable a sense of greater achievement in him so the next time he tells you about the fruit, you’ll have more information that you did today and he will feel more achieved than rewarded.

And that’s where you’ve won your game.

Love your little one! Let Them Live!