Can we have joy, too?
By: Tal Lee Anderman
Tags: Joy, Coaching, Feelings, Highly Sensitive People, Empathy

Ocean Beach, San Francisco

“Oftentimes when the world feels chaotic, we begin to feel as if it’s somehow inappropriate to have joy. Have your joy. When we have joy, especially in the midst of challenging times, we are saying to the world, ‘I will define the current state of the world around me instead of allowing it to define me.’ Today, regardless of what is happening, empower yourself by embracing your joy.” — Cleo Wade, Heart Talk

It’s Friday night, and I’m grieving the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Like for many, this loss cuts deep — to the root of our country’s division and injustice, to the dreams she inspired, and to yet again feeling so helpless and alone.

Unable to sit still, I walk the two hours to Ocean Beach. The sun is starting to set, and i’m struggling to get out of my head and a static sense of hopelessness.

I take off my shoes and dig my toes into the sand.

As I run though the same mental loops — how could this happen, what can be done, why is it so hard right now? — I look up. I see a woman dancing.

She’s at the edge of the waves, facing the setting sun. I can’t tell if she has headphones on, but she’s clearly being lifted up by a kind of music. Her arms are waving at the sky, her hips swaying with a rhythm I can’t hear.

I see her pain in the focus with which she’s moving, and yet she is at the same time so bright, so joyous, so free.

It Takes Courage

I felt so much admiration as I watched this woman dance —

For one, she truly danced like no one was watching, something I‘ve always struggled to do.

And she felt so much joy.

Joy takes courage.

Like falling in love after a heartbreak, it isn’t easy to open yourself up again. Joy is no different. With so many disappointments and fears, feeling joy right now feels risky and hard.

And yet, feeling joy couldn’t be more important.

Research from the Greater Good Science Center*, a UC Berkeley research institute for the science of a meaningful life, proves that happiness and joy is actually core to good health. Sort of important in a global pandemic, right?

Specifically, happiness can make our hearts healthier, our immune systems stronger, and our stress levels lower. It can reduce physical pain, help combat disease and ultimately leads to longer life expectancy.

(*New life goal: become employable by the Greater Good Science Center)

Still not convinced?

Let’s try spirit instead of science. In The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu state:

“Discovering more joy does not, I’m sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily, too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without being broken.”

Living in San Francisco, I have no doubt my ocean dancer had heard of RBG’s passing. While I don’t know how the news affected her, I know it took courage to express joy — to feel joy — when so much of the world was heartbroken.

I wrote in a recent blog how I struggle to answer the question “How are you?” with so much happening around us. How can I share that I’m kicking butt at a new job, have fulfilling, meaningful relationships, and an adorable kitten when unemployment is rampant, people are dying of a scary disease, California is on fire, and our political landscape is driving us all insane?

I feel this pain deeply, and with it a sense of guilt for feeling anything else.

But this woman taught me an important lesson that spiritual and scientific leaders validate. A lesson renowned poet Cleo Wade articulates so beautifully:

“Have your joy. When we have joy, especially in the midst of challenging times, we are saying to the world ‘I will define the current state of the world around me instead of allowing it to define me.”

(And for those following, my new kitty and I are doing SO WELL! Theodore Laurence, from Little Women fame and affectionately called Teddy, came home from the SF SPCA last week and we couldn’t be more in love).

Joyspotting

So let’s talk about joy.

At last year’s Aspen Ideas Festival, designer and author Ingrid Fetell Lee shared how Joyspotting, a concept she introduced in her TedTalk with over 17 million views, builds resilience, especially in uncertain times.

Ingrid shares:

“Little moments of joy are often the first thing to go when we’re stressed, anxious, or in a crisis. Sometimes it’s because joy feels unimportant; too trivial to matter when there are more serious things that need to be dealt with. It’s tempting to postpone joy... I also talk to many people who feel guilty experiencing or expressing joy while others around them are struggling.

But research shows that little moments of joy can help our bodies recover from the physiological effects of stress, and they can help us find meaning and purpose in tragic events. Rather than being a distraction, when we allow ourselves a moment of joy, it creates a respite that makes us more resilient…

A practice I love for cultivating joy is called joyspotting. This is simply looking around and turning your attention to the joy that exists in your immediate environment. You might notice the bright yellow of a stranger’s raincoat, a flower growing out of the sidewalk, the way light dances off a building. It could be tiny, but just taking time to notice something that lifts your spirits can be a reminder that joy is all around us if we bother to look for it.”

I love the concept of Joyspotting for its simplicity and undeniable impact on my mood.

Whether it’s buying $10 flowers at the grocery story, framing a goofy cartoon or note from a friend, taking time to stop and watch the SF fog dance over a pale blue sky or adopting a kitten, there are so many small moments to bring joy into our lives.

(If you’re struggling with inspiration for joyspotting, you can always follow Teddy on Instagram)

“Oftentimes when the world feels chaotic, we begin to feel as if it’s somehow inappropriate to have joy.”

Have your Joy

2020 has taken a lot: millions of jobs, seeing friends, the health of our loved ones, and the ability to live the life we’ve created, to name just a few.

But it doesn’t have to take away our joy.

In fact, we can’t let it.

As the sun set on the Pacific Ocean, the woman continued to dance. Sitting there in the sand, I smiled and asked myself:

Can we have joy, too?

I invite you to answer yes, and to empower yourself to practice it every day.