Diary Entry Two: The Not-so-MARVEL-ous One and a Romp in Pooh Corner
By: Chronic Melody
Tags: Online Dating, Diary, Sex, Hookups, Blog

Dear Desmond,

Today I was particularly naughty, I went on two tinder hook ups on the same day! I was actually invited to a third, and I didn’t think my body could take it…

The first hook-up I was really looking forward to. We seemed to get along really well. He seemed super nice by text. In person he was lovely, however he was a little awkward. I’m not one to judge, but he also needed to brush his teeth, which was a massive turn off!

I went to his room, and it was kinda dark. It also had comic memrobelia everywhere. Now, I’m a huge MARVEL fan, but this wasn’t elegantly displayed at all. In fact, it was almost cello-taped to the wall. To add to the hideous decor, he had Rick and Morty on, which isn’t the most romantic of programmes at the best of times.

I need to get better at saying “No.” I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, and to be honest he seemed super nervous. It’s the second time I’ve had a guy shaking a hell of a lot during sex. It’s okay to be nervous and I understand it… just it’s a little off putting when he can’t even aim cause of the shakes…. eeeeekkk!

The second hook up was completely spontaneous! I was swiping on tinder, matched with a guy and just decided to go for it. I literally had no expectations and was really blown away. He had the cutest of smiles and smelt really really nice. He was also really good at holding a conversation and putting up with my gibberish!

I picked him up in my car and then took him to my sex spot. It’s a secluded spot, with a good view and a woodland area perfect for being hidden.

I’m not going to lie, mistake number one of this outing was not taking a blanket to lay on. In future I will be taking this into consideration. I’ve had woodland adornments up my arse for the rest of the day. Every time I have gone to the toilet some more bits have appeared!

Once we arrived he wanted a picture. I took one of him and the view. He was kinda cute. Oh fun fact about him, other than the true necessities in life, he owns six things. I believe he is the Marie Kondo of the UK. He could even be her spirit over here- who knows?

We then proceeded to the woodland area. I won’t go into the full details, otherwise this will just turn into erotica. The sum of it is, we ended up in what can only be described as Winnie the Pooh’s house, and yes, I did mention that as we crawled in to bang.

I was in silly mood. The “jokes” just kept flowing out of me. I’m not sure if it was the woodland atmosphere, my bold personality or the excitement of it all, but we did encounter some difficulties. All I can say is we lost a hole for a while. It was a bizarre moment.

I forgot to mention, there was rabbit shit everywhere. I laid on his t-shirt, but I’m not sure it made much of a different to the fact I was laying butt-naked on a woodland floor. On the whole, I loved it. It was one of those memories which last a life-time. It might not be one for the grandchildren, but it’s certainly one you’ll tell over gin.

I’ll be back Desmond. I need to add some of my previous kinky endeavours!

Yours Sincerely,

Chronic Melody