‘I May Destroy You’ takes on a holistic look at sexual assault, rape, relationships
By: Shamontiel L. Vaughn
Tags: Relationships, Sexual Assault, Homophobia, I May Destroy You, Michaela Coel

‘I May Destroy You’ takes on a holistic look at sexual assault, rape, relationships

Biagio and the passport scene: He was 100% right

Photo credit: ConvertKit/Unsplash

Spoiler Alert: I have no idea how to write this post without ruining several scenes of “I May Destroy You.” If you have not seen all of the episodes on HBO, please don’t read this until you have. And if you do, don’t leave me angry comments about how I spoiled it for you. You’ve been warned.

When Trevor Noah (the host of “The Daily Show”) told actress/screenwriter Michaela Coel, “I know [Arabella] was a victim of sexual assault, but she’s an asshole,” my first thought was, “What in the world is ‘I May Destroy You’ and how do I watch this show immediately?” I don’t think I’d ever heard a sexual assault victim be described this way in the same sentence. Considering I’d already watched Netflix’s “Chewing Gum” multiple times, I knew Coel would come through. But I didn’t expect her to come through quite like this.

While watching HBO’s “I May Destroy You,” I had a few conversations with my Baby Boomer mother about sexual assault and rape. It started off with me describing a very uncomfortable story about Tisha Campbell’s babysitter in “Uncensored” and delved off into other #MeToo topics. One remark stood out to me while listening to her talk about sexual assault, “I just don’t think it was happening like this when I was a kid.”

I paused before I responded. “Mom, I believe you believe that. But you wouldn’t be the complexion you are if American history could prove that. Rape and sexual assault in America — and beyond — were happening long before you and I were both alive. We have centuries of examples of this happening.”

It took her a full 24 hours to marinate on that one before she agreed that a bigger issue was Baby Boomers tended to keep their secrets close to the vest while Millennials, Generation Y and Zers are fed up and talking about it. For that reason alone, I love everything about how problematic “I May Destroy You” is.

While many shows have explored molestation, rape and sexual assault, this is the first show I’ve seen that takes a holistic look at both sides. Tyler Perry, screenwriter and playwright, is a primary example of someone who does tell these tales. However, it’s done in a way that may help viewers relate to a character but not really understand the story. Coel delves into the brains of those who have been affected by it — whether they are the friends and loved ones of sexual assault survivors or the characters themselves.

If you’ve ever experienced stealthing, then you will grit your teeth during a trash can scene. If you’ve ever had friends leave you in a bar high or drunk out of your mind, or been the friend that did, you’ll quickly connect to the major plot of this entire story. If you’ve been accused of sexual assault or rape, knowing full well you were innocent, there are some mind-numbingly frustrating scenes that can trigger you, too. If you’ve ever had a hookup on an online dating site that went left — or maybe not — and you were worried about your safety, “I May Destroy You” could make you move differently.

About the only scene that I thought had no value was the blood clot scene. I will admit that I’m prudish about women happily oversharing about menstrual cycles. It’s one thing to want to know something for health purposes. It’s another to imagine I have a white coat and a stethoscope on and really give a damn about what’s going on with you in the bathroom. I wish I could unsee that entire scene. (It also reminds me of a ghostwriting project I opted out of with a character who took a tampon out with his teeth. Everything you think in your head does not have to be put on a page, but I’m also not a fan of erotica so there’s that.)

But it’s not all wild and crazy drama, or gross. There are also topics like friendships, dating, parenthood, sibling rivalries and relationships. Then there are two storylines in particular that will really draw the line in the sand for some viewers.