Surfing like a Rat in a Cage
By: James Finn
Tags: Relationships, Rock And Roll, LGBTQ, Love, Fiction

Tangled up in a sheet that had seen better days, Tor rested his head on Pat’s chest and and guided Pat’s fingertips to his chin. “Mmmm, it feels so good when you play with my stubble like that. Don’t stop. God, I was so horny. You’re not pissed, are ya?”

“Pissed? That you came twice and kept me up until … what time is it? Jesus! 6:30? No, I’m not pissed, I’m more like amazed. Who are you and what did you do with my cute little friend who’s scared of his own shadow and always waits for me to make a move and then sorta just goes with the flow? Like, we aren’t even really boyfriends because you’re so timid?”

Tor swallowed hard and reached for the words he needed. “Of course I’m your boyfriend. I don’t sleep in your room three or four nights a week so you can help me study.”

Pat laughed. “Ha! I thought it was my exceptional hot-plate cooking skills and charming library.” He pointed over at a pile of books in the corner, then cupped Tor’s chin and pulled him in close. “You really think of me as your boyfriend?”

“I didn’t want to talk about it before the concert, because I was afraid you’d laugh at me. Like … like maybe I didn’t deserve to be your boyfriend, or you wouldn’t want me or something.”

Pat winked. “I’d kiss you hard right now as an answer, but my lips are so chapped I can’t, you little sex maniac.”

“Is that a yes? You’re my boyfriend?”

“Of course it’s a yes. But, seriously, what happened to you yesterday? I told you not to go in the mosh pit if you didn’t want a black eyes and broken bones, and then …”

Pat untangled himself from Tor and and rolled out of bed. “Wait, don’t answer yet. I gotta piss bad.” He reached for his underwear then remembered. “Dude! You ripped my boxers off with your teeth. Look!” He poked a finger through a tear in the cotton and wiggled it at his … boyfriend. “Seriously, like, did you take something yesterday?”

Tor jumped out of bed and followed Pat into the bathroom. “I’m scared of rollercoasters.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So, let’s go to Cedar Point next weekend and ride some.”

Pat looked over his shoulder. “Seriously, what are you on? Give me some!”

Tor stepped up and took his turn pissing, realizing he was standing naked in front of Pat, completely at ease. Maybe he WAS on something. “It’s like, remember when term started and I was new and you were this amazingly popular guy I was afraid to talk to?”

“Ha! I remember you being afraid. I wish I remembered the amazingly popular part. Say that again?”

“No, for real. Like, everybody paid attention to you in discussion periods. Even Prof Riley talked to you like you were so cool. And I thought you were the most beautiful and terrifying human being I had ever seen in my life.”

“Yeah, it took you weeks to realize I was cruising you.”

“The world really is as vampire, you know.”

“Huh?”

Tor grabbed Pat’s hand. “Let’s get back in bed. I mean, so it’s like the world grabs you and shakes you and sucks the fucking life out of you from the minute you’re born. People scream at you and hurt you and try to make you go on rollercoasters. They make fun of you and tease you and confuse you and …”

“Jesus, dude.”

Tor pulled Pat onto the bed and threw his arms around him. “No, it’s okay! It’s all okay!”

“Keep rubbing against me like that and I’ll get hard again and we’ll miss breakfast, which by the way I’m starving, aren’t you? What’s okay?”

“I made myself go in that mosh pit yesterday. I always wanted to do that but I was always too scared of getting hurt. Like I was always too scared to get on a rollercoaster or tell a boy I love him.”

“So, that’s it? You went in the mosh pit and crowd surfed, and now you’re all better? Just like that? Um … and which boy are you afraid to tell you love?”

“When they dumped me on the stage, Corgan was rocking it, man. Remember? Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage?”

“I fucking HATE that song.”

“Yeah, well, Corgan was singing that over and over, like screaming it and so was I, all pumped up on stage with him. And he SAW me. He looked right in my eyes and sang right the fuck into me. And then I saw him too.”

“What do you mean, you saw him?”

Tor took a deep breath and made himself answer. “Mom named me after a war god. Said she wanted me to be as strong and loud as a thunderbolt. Her hero! But …”

“But you grew into you instead?”

“Up there on stage? I saw Corgan for real. And you know what? He’s as scared as I am. He’s up there singing BECAUSE he’s scared. He’s rocking the world BECAUSE he’s scared.”

“Damn.”

“Right? So … I dunno. Maybe it’s OK to be scared all the time.”

“You really are? Scared like that?”

Tor rested his head on Pat’s chest for a while. A rumbling noise announced his … boyfriend … hadn’t been kidding about needing to eat. “Tell you what. Let’s shower and get breakfast. Then let’s go to Cedar Point next Saturday and ride a roller coaster.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, and then maybe I’ll think about telling you how much I love you.”