7 Steps to Recover From A Breakup
Tags: Breakups, Relationships, Self, Psychology, Love

7 Steps to Recover From A Breakup

Let it hurt.

Cry, scream, breakdown.

Do whatever it takes to get your emotions out. The more it’s bottled up, the harder it’ll be to move forward.

When I first broke up with my ex, I thought it was necessary to be strong for myself. I felt like I had to keep it together, but the anger boiled and bubbled as the months progressed. Eventually, I found myself hysterically crying and angry. I couldn’t control my feelings. However, when I let all my erratic emotions out, I finally felt able to move on.

It’s equally important to know when to stop letting it hurt. Give yourself a week or a month to soak in the grief of your breakup but, don’t destroy yourself in despair.

Revamp your space.

The most hurtful part of breakups is remembering the spaces you and your loved one once shared. It becomes hard to navigate in those spaces because everything reminds you of your relationship.

My advice is to revamp your space, redecorate it! It could be as simple as rearranging furniture or maybe purchasing new bedspreads and pillows. By revamping your space, you reclaim it as your sanctuary. Your space should be a safe and comfortable place to reside. You’re starting a new chapter of your life, and you’ll be making new memories in your space; consider it the necessary preparation to begin anew.

Watch romantic comedies.

I know, this one is weird but, let me explain.

After a breakup, it feels like your whole world is caving it. You can’t see that your breakup might be part of a bigger story. However, romantic comedies like Friends and How I Met Your Mother allow you to see life's bigger picture.

Characters go through dozens of breakups, and they thought each partner was “the one.” But every breakup shapes the characters slightly differently. By the later seasons, characters have learned new things about themselves, they’ve sought different opportunities in different places, and they’ve dated new and interesting people. Eventually, you forget who Joey was dating in season 2.

Like shows, we go through multiple seasons of life; some are great and some not so wonderful. Your relationship was a season, and like those characters, you’re still growing, and you’ll have so many more opportunities to find love.

So watch those romantic comedies and find solace knowing this pain is part of a season.

Make a vision board.

Sometimes in relationships, we push aside things we want to do because our partner isn’t on board. Now is the time to dust off those old dreams and become excited about them again.

No matter how big a dream may be, you now have all the time in the world to make that dream come true. No one is invalidating you, and no one is arguing with your decisions. So, travel the world, cut your hair, start your business, or go back to school.

The best way to reconnect with yourself is to make a vision board. When you see your dreams and goals laid out beautifully on a board, it motivates you to work towards them. It’s a constant reminder that you’re investing in yourself, and you’re worth every single penny.

Your vision board should mark the beginning of something new. It doesn’t matter if you’re halfway through the year or a quarter way through the year. I encourage you to make one! A break up is an opportunity to start fresh, it may not be a new year, but it marks a new you.

Defy your ex.

I’m a sucker for watching Christmas movies from my childhood but, I could never watch Barbie the Nutcracker around my ex. He found it so stupid, and whenever I brought it up, he would shoot the suggestion down. But, this holiday season, I’ve watched it eight times, and I’m still counting. It’s a movie that makes me happy, and now no one shames me for watching it.

If you ever felt shamed for having a particular hobby or interest, that should validate how incompatibility you and your ex were. Someone meant for you will accept everything you are and be supportive of your interests. They’ll want to know the different sides of your personality: the good, the bad, and the quirky.

Defy your ex and reclaim your interests.

Find a medium to de-escalate your pain, like journals.

Journals are great ways to release your emotions throughout your healing period. There will be moments where you’ll have to confront a particular item, memory, or space that your ex and yourself once shared. Those moments will revive painful feelings, but a journal is a lovely place to de-escalate your pain.

When you’re on an emotional high, it’s hard to simmer back down. But through writing, you eventually release those emotions until you return to a neutral, calm state.

There are also other ways to release that energy. Physical activities such as painting, jogging, or yoga are perfectly viable ways to re-center yourself. I can only speak from experience of what’s worked for me. However, every person is different, so find an outlet that best works for you!

Learn patience.

Healing is a process, it takes time, and it’s non-linear. Some days will be more challenging than others. Your emotions will bubble up, and you’ll want to breakdown all over again. But, unlike your first explosion, these explosions will be minuscule. You’ll have the power to control yourself, and the grief won’t debilitate you. Then you’ll be able to get past the memory that elicits that pain.

Acknowledge your emotions, confront them, and release them.