My Coming Out Story.
By: Kevin Laurie
Tags: Storytelling, Sexuality, Lifestyle, Coming Out, Love

My Coming Out Story.

Not all Stories are Negative.

I would love to go back and tell the young Kevin to accept who you are, it will be hard for you to accept but ultimately it will be the best thing that you ever do.

Rainbow heart. Photo by @jiroe

I was talking to a friend at work about the articles I have written and he said something along the lines of ‘yeah I’ve read them, homophobia, homophobia and the straights hate the gays’. That got me thinking about my articles and he’s right, the majority of the articles I have written are directly or indirectly about homophobia. I have written that word so much that when I type the word ‘homo’ it automatically wants to finish the word with ‘phobia’. So here is the thing, I have been out for over ten years now and I haven’t suffered any homophobic abuse. I thought in this article I could write my own experience, a positive experience of what happened when I came out and what happened since.

After hiding my sexuality to myself, and to everyone else since I was around 11, at 22 years old (relatively late but I got there) I came out. It was a Sunday afternoon when I knew everyone would be at home and I asked everyone to come into the living room as I had something that I wanted to talk about. I was so nervous and the speech I had planned went out of the window but I told them I was in a relationship with a guy, probably not what they had expected. I said I was bi, I think it made it easier for me to handle. I understand how this can be bad for people who identify as bisexual, people don’t believe that you can like both sexes but I genuinely thought I did at that time.

My parents were shocked which was understandable but they said that they loved me no matter what. I think my dad found it hard to get his head around, he was from the building trade, he used to go to the pub most nights, smoked cigarettes most of his life, he was a mans man but I was his son and even though it was a world he didn’t know he never said anything bad about my sexuality. My Mum was accepting from the start, but I know it took time for her to get over the shock but she never let it on to me. My brother right from the start was awesome, it must have bothered him that he didn’t guess when he was the closest person to me but he accepted it straight away.

Friends Drinking at the Pub. Photo by @elevatebeer

I had told my immediate family but I wasn’t quite sure about the rest of my family yet so I kept my sexuality hidden from them but I did tell my friends. I was a little bit sneaky how I went about this, I changed my status on Facebook to ‘in a relationship’, I knew this would get questions, my friend Vicki was one of the first to respond asking who this mystery girl was that I was now in a relationship with. I then told her that it wasn’t a girl. I knew that telling her would mean that the next night out would force me to tell everyone. So on a traditional Friday night gathering, sat together at the pub I came out to them. I couldn’t get my words out so I think my brother told everyone, that detail is a little hazy. They were awesome right from the start, I then went about telling my friends who weren’t in that friendship circle and again they were perfect and accepting.

A couple of weeks after I came out one of my friends also did, I think that he saw the reaction I got and it encouraged him, he saw that everyone was ok with me and that he would get the same. The relationship I came out for didn’t last long (if you can call it a relationship) but I’m thankful for it, it forced me to come out and encouraged someone else to do the same. Nine months after I came out I met Stu, we had spoken online for a while but he lived near Birmingham (the one in the UK) he moved nearer to me so we finally met up. Five days later we were ‘official’, 6 weeks later we were travelling around the world together, quick but it felt right.

My extended family eventually worked out that Stu and I were a couple and he wasn’t just “my friend from school”, maybe it was the Brummie accent that gave it away. To be honest I have no idea why I didn’t tell them before, once again they accepted my sexuality and treated our relationship just like any other. I absolutely love the relationship my mum and Stu have, he even stayed with my mum the night before we got married. It really shows how far things have come from her initial shock to being friends with my other half.

Stu and I have been together now for ten years and just over two years ago we got married. The day was awesome and we shared it with our friends and family, it was the best day ever! There was only one family member who didn’t agree with our marriage, who didn’t come to the wedding but as it was someone I’m not that close to. I was and still am annoyed but it wasn’t the end of the world. The people I really care about were there and made the day special.

Friends and family at our wedding!

I was so worried about people’s reaction to my sexuality that I buried it so deep that I wouldn’t let myself accept it. I found myself looking at boys and hating myself for it, I tried to force myself to look at girls and find them attractive. It doesn’t work and it only makes it harder to accept, you know you can’t change it but you want to. It wasn’t until Stu and I had been together for a while that I accpeted I was gay and not bi.

After coming out I realised I wasted over ten years of my life worrying and battling but it was pointless. I would love to go back and tell the young Kevin to accept who you are, it will be hard for you to accept but ultimately it will be the best thing that you ever do. Having said that if I came out earlier I might not have met Stu and have the life I have now and I love my life.

I have tried to make this a positive piece, I have admitted the difficulties in coming out but I wanted to show that being gay isn’t all homophobia, homophobia and some more homophobia. I haven’t suffered any abuse at all. I know I’m a white boy from the south of England so in that respect it is relatively easy for me. There is every chance that my family and friends wouldn’t accept me and that could happen in any place and for any race. For me the grass was definitely greener on the other side and if you are thinking of coming out, it could be for you too.