Am I normal? + dating advice
By: Irene Spini
Tags: Short Story, Adolescence, Horror Fiction, Horror, Feminism

photography: Kava Gorna for Par Femme

Hello everyone,

My name is Moira, I’m 14 and currently in high school. I’m plain looking and anonymous, the kind of person that goes mostly unseen. I don’t possess long luscious hair or a short quirky haircut and I’m neither short nor tall.

I’m not the type of girl that makes heads turn when she walks in the streets. At least I wasn’t, before my body started to change.

Let me explain: you could say I’m a little late, but I just got my first period last month. I already knew what menstruations are, that wasn’t the “problem”.

When it happened I was in an arcade, yes, I know arcades aren’t a thing anymore, but really? I don’t feel the need to justify my choices in front of online strangers.

So, I was fishing for some coins in my purse when I suddenly felt a wet, unpleasant sensation, and I immediately knew.

Bathrooms are on the opposite side of the mall. In this mall the only places left open are the arcade and the cinema, so it looks somewhat abandoned (you know how very old malls are).

I slid through the corridors like a spaceship in a sci-fi movie.

When I got to the toilettes restrooms a drip of blood was tracing my leg almost down to my socks. I got in one of the stalls and started messing with toilet paper.

Then there was a sound, like someone was scratching the plastic wall. I froze, then nothing happened. So I kept on juggling.

Then suddenly a voice: “Do you need help?” it was a bizarre, distant voice.

I felt embarrassed, was I making that much noise? I thought maybe the voice belonged to a woman with elder sister syndrome, and was the right one to ask for help.

I replied that I was struggling with my first period. She left out a raspy laugh, which left me a little uneasy.

“So you became a woman, uh?” she said, still in that vague tone.

I hesitated, what a weird and undelicate question. I still answered: “Yes” in my best impression of a small sister. I was trying to appease her, you know? And she replied: “There’s nothing to be excited about. Women are just objects. Do you want to spend your life like that?” the voice was trembling, almost on the verge of tears. Then she went quiet, apparently lost in her thoughts.

My heart began beating faster. It probably wasn’t the ideal time to ask her for a pad. Then I looked down at the toilet paper nest in my slip and I collected some courage to ask: “Maybe you can lend me a tampon?”

More silence. Then her ghostly voice appeared again: “Give me your hand. I’m giving you a gift.” I looked at the space in between the two stalls.

It was enough to make a shoe box pass. It was strangely dark.

I obeyed, but when my hand reached the other side, something bit me! I screamed and pulled to free myself.

I got dressed up and I ran away. When I checked my hand there were only two small scratches. Maybe it was all my imagination. Maybe menstruation made me lose my mind a bit.

So, after this I decided to go straight back home.

That night I had a very high fever, maybe that’s why I heard that voice and all? My sense of reality was weak. I stayed in bed for days, waking up at night with my mouth sticky with thick saliva. I was oppressed by the sensation that something unknown was devouring me up. Am I normal? Is this normal? Maybe I’m just unlucky.

Okay, but it didn’t end there, since I came back to school after the fever it was like I was smelling differently. Let me elaborate: boys looked at me, girls looked at me, people that didn’t knew I existed were trying to strike up a conversation with me.

I thought maybe it was because I was looking sickly and worrying everyone, then I realized they were admiring me!

It’s crazy! Overall, I like that. It’s like I’m suddenly covered in some precious gems.

I’d love to enjoy this attention more, but I can’t because I feel hungry all the time! So hungry!

I read on the internet that your period might make you crave sweets. But I’m not in the mood for sweets, and my hunger is almost unbearable.

The other day I woke up in the kitchen, near the fridge, not knowing how I ended up there. I opened my eyes, realized where I was and my stomach was clenching empty already.

This craving is making me irritable, nervous. Is this because of hormones? Am I normal? I haven’t said anything to my mother yet, but I may consider this option.

Now we get to the part I certainly can’t tell my mother (hence why I’m writing here).

So, these new attentions made the impossible happen!

My science professor, handsome and mysterious, asked me out after school!

It doesn’t even seem real. An adult man interested in me? Maybe It’s because I’m mature for my age.

Too bad everytime he gets close to me, my stomach starts wrenching and my hunger grows even more. My hands tingle, my jaw clenches.

The other day I snapped a pen in half just because he glanced in my direction! Another time the craving was so strong that I realized only by the startled look on my classmates faces that my nose was bleeding.

Then the professor accidentally cut himself with a bisturi. He cleaned himself up with a tissue and threw it in the bin. The bin was suddenly exhaling such an entrancing smell! When the bell rang I avoided everyone and went near it. I layed on my knees and picked up the crinkled tissue.

Before I could realize what I was doing, I pressed it against my face and when I licked my lips I tasted the most intoxicatingly delicious taste! My hunger just grew stronger. I don’t know why I did that. I’m so ashamed, but you’re online strangers overall am I right?

I can’t accept going on a date in this state. Even so, a new and strange sensation makes me want to get near my professor, I want to taste his lips.

What’s your advice? I’m sorry for posting this late at night, but I can’t sleep, my hunger keeps me awake.

Thanks in advance to anyone who will answer me! ♡