Several Tips to Breed A Loser of Life
By: Devita Ratna
Tags: Parenting Advice, Sarcasm, Family

All you need is the seed of a sucker and a series of dysfunctional life events, then the universe will do its job, naturally. Easy peasy!

You might question “What’s the point of having kids? Why should I have one?”.

Oh, God! Seriously, there are people who knows the reason of why they should have kids?! Unbelievable. Irritating. Come on! No one needs to know why you kept your fetus alive (and feed them until they decided to hate you one day). Life is life. Whether if you get them by accident (yes, that one night when you were too drunk and you did it without protection and boom! a little baby is in your womb), or the moment you can’t stand what the society says to not wait until a precise time that you were too old of having a baby. Don’t worry, all your reason is valid.

Now let me give you some tips how to breed (and grow) a total loser of this life (I really, really can’t wait to tell you guys because most of the times, these tips work!)

1. Give your kids REMARKABLE childhood

No one can leave the memories of a childhood, the miserable one of course. The trauma, the competition the parents make to their siblings/other relatives, the experience of witnessing their own parents went to a fight (when your spouse hit you with bare hands like a punchbag or when your spouse calling you by names saying you could not even do a job properly). This is, my friend, the critical time build trust issues in your kids. Who will they run into when they are scared? No one! Because we are making our progress as a failing parents. Because we are emotionally unavailable. Living with the wrong partner or family member is such a waste of time and energy, our child should understand that we cannot be available to them. Now or later.

2. Consider the way you COMMUNICATE

Communication. Very cliche. Aren’t we all sick of this word? We are talking in everyday life, that is communication. Don’t worry, it is all the same. You can be unassertive, and it is still a communication. Hide your feelings, so they will confuse theirs. A time-out will always work. All parents do it, too. And have you ever heard about Silent Treatment? Perfect idea! Let your kids think by themselves about their mistakes.

What is the point of doing A, B, C, D? Don’t tell them, unless it is acceptable by the norms and expectation of the society. Why should they go to school? It is, of course, because the kids at their age go to school, too! Why they cannot leave a class unless they are very sick? Because they will get bad grades and no parents in this world want to see red marks on their kids’ school report by the end of the semester. Seeing your kids comply to the society is such a blessing, right?

3. NEVER invest your time because hey what’s the point of getting jobs. Your deadlines are always there for you!

We all understand your struggles. You have broke your both legs to get your particular dream job, or the job you don’t like but pays you well. That’s completely understandable! We live from paycheck to paycheck, middle-class struggles. You give your sweats and blood and soul to meet the company target, or the boss will spam you e-mails. Deadlines? Who doesn’t love it? It is always there, in the back of your mind, being loyal. And your kids? Don’t mind them, you have someone to handle your kids, right? Your spouse, your parents, your in-law, a friend of yours? They will be okay! Let them bond, no one will replace your title as a parent. It is forever. (Don’t forget to take a me-time while you can, okay? You have worked so hard for your well-being comes first.)

4. BUILD the mindset.

Consistently tell them that life is hard that they need to suffer first before getting the genuine happiness of life. Remember those fairytales? The characters are ALWAYS struggling at the beginning of the story, but look, they always have a happy ending. That’s the fundamental rule of this life. There is always the opposite, hence the black or white; right or wrong; true or false. An absolute. No grey area. And what if the struggle extends? There is always a solution: tell them to be patience. Saying, “Kid, the longer you endure the pain, the greater the pleasure you will get. I learnt it the hard way.” or in any changed words. It will works, your kid will trust you regardless their trust issues. Why? Because you are their parents. Isn’t that lovely?

5. HAVE the talk (but only tolerate few, remember you ARE the parents)

As a parent, we definitely know more than our child (we live longer, though). We also internalized settled values and beliefs. Make your kids have the same values as yours (because it will make your life perfect and easier). People will allow you to decide their future because you are their parents, you fund them. Don’t forget to support your kids to do whatever they are passionate about, as long as it align with the standards of the society. Always recognize their winning (even if it is just a little) that meets your personal expectations and encourage them to earn more. Hard work! Remember, the kid that obey you, never complain, not rebellious, and love doing domestic chores is ALWAYS appealing to another parents. Don’t you want them envy your achievement of having obedient kids?

However, having a kid or two is just like an investment. A losing parent means losing kids too. Have some dignity even to your kids. Long live parenting!