What to Do When Your Loved Ones Don’t Support Your Art
By: Tracy Gerhardt-Cooper
Tags: Relationships, Creativity, Life Lessons, Writing, Self Improvement

What to Do When Your Loved Ones Don’t Support Your Art

Don’t try to hire them for a job they don’t want.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

The Pain is Real

One of the hardest things about being a writer or any kind of creative is when the people we care about don’t support us. When those who are closest to us snub or poo-poo our creative efforts, it hurts — a lot.

I have plenty of people in my life who cheer me on as I pursue my passion for writing. For that, I’m grateful. However, there are some people I expected to be in my corner who aren’t having it. Not even a little bit.

This has been a source of hurt for me for three years since I’ve started writing again. I’ve been working through this rejection and making strides in coming to terms with it. Until this week, that is.

I got a notification that someone close to me who rarely interacts with my blog’s Facebook page commented. I was so excited. When I opened the notification to read it, it was to point out there was a typo in my post.

Wow. Really?

You never support anything else I do, but you take the time to point out a typo?

Nope. Just nope.

At first, I responded with a good-natured reply after fixing my typo. I even used a smiley emoji, though I wasn’t feeling smiley. Upon further reflection, I deleted the comment and my reply. Why? Because I don’t need people embarrassing me on a platform I’ve worked hard to create.

It wasn’t about the typo. I make them from time to time. We all do. It was that this person’s only effort to reply to my work was to point out a mistake. The plus side is it spurred me to write this article. So there’s that.

How to Respond

Maybe you’re in the same boat. Maybe there are people you would love to have support you who just aren’t that into what you’re doing. Maybe you have people who ignore you or point out your typos. Yeah, it stinks.

I have some good news and a bit of advice. They aren’t your people when it comes to your creative pursuits. Don’t try to hire them for a job they don’t want. I’ve known this for a while, but today’s public typo comment struck that old nerve.

When these things happen, here’s how we can choose to respond.

DON’T RESPOND — You aren’t obligated to justify yourself and your art to anyone. Not even those close to you. If others don’t share your enthusiasm, don’t waste time worrying about it like I have in the past (or this week). Keep creating. Know that you are good enough without their support. You can and will succeed without their help. APPROACH THEM — If you feel strongly enough and believe saying something would help (in my case I knew it would not), say something. In a non-defensive way, call or sit the person down and share how important what you are doing is to you. No texting, no emails — voice contact only. Let the person know that his or her lack of support hurts. It could be that those who aren’t supporting you simply don’t realize how you feel. FIND YOUR TRIBE — The best people for supporting creative people are other creative people. Join a local writers’ or artists’ group. Find online groups to connect with other creatives. Even if you have the support of those you care about, other artists will support you in a special way that your loved ones cannot. We are a quirky, caring, supportive bunch. THANK YOUR SUPPORTERS — Remember to thank those who care about what you are doing. My husband is the absolute best. He is endlessly encouraging and loving. I know I am fortunate that the person closest to me in all the world supports me. Not everyone has this kind of support. I thank him and others for believing in me because it’s only right to acknowledge their kindness.

Be a Cheerleader

The best response to negativity is positivity. Please don’t get me wrong. This is grueling work. Avoiding a claws-out confrontation is not easy when you feel hurt. This is especially true when you are passionate about your work. Let the naysayers do their thing and find someone to encourage instead.

If you know how it feels to be overlooked or snubbed by those you care about, make sure you don’t do the same. Acknowledge those who are working hard to create something. Read their writing. Buy their art. Go to their concerts. Share their work with others by social media or word of mouth.

I’ve gotten into an online critique group with two other women and it has been wonderful. I met them through an online writers’ group. We have never met but have been critiquing each other’s work and cheering each other on.

A couple of years ago, I started a small local writers’ group and meet with them monthly. We are strengthened and encouraged by our time together. As the proverb says, iron sharpens iron.

Becoming a member of Medium and giving support through claps, comments, and highlights is a great way to be a cheerleader. In doing so, you are helping other writers make money as well. What could be better?

Take heart. Not everyone is going to love what you are doing. Not everyone will understand and acknowledge your passion. Choose wisely in how you respond and above all, don’t stop creating. The world needs your art.