Moral Harassment Techniques for Victims’ Awareness: Renaming
By: Anastasiya Rostova
Tags: Abuse, Harassment, Violence Against Women, Violence, Psychology

You are the one to control the name tags, not the aggressor. Photo source: Unsplash.

For your mental health, moral violence is as harmful as physical one. People facing moral harassment every day should understand that they put their sanity at risk. However, to even guess that they are exposed to hidden violence, they need to realize it. In this blog post series, I will be explaining the techniques that your moral aggressor might apply to you.

Why do people do these dirty things at all? First and foremost, moral aggressors want full control over your feelings because their own psyche is distorted and broken. Are they close to insanity and drive others insane for that reason? In short, the answer is “yes”.

Disclaimer. This blog post is written by a former victim, not a psychology genius.

Renaming: What It Looks Like?

You might find it strange that a person calls you the name you don’t like again and again. They might be using a shorter version of your name that sounds stupid or overly sweet to you. They might even be using the nickname your teenage enemies were using to humiliate you in your green years. They might try to persuade you that your real name is too long to pronounce, not very beautiful, sounds too pathetic, resembles not nice things, etc. All in all, you will be said that your old name should be abandoned, and you two will be using the new name that the aggressor likes and finds a good fit for you.

Renaming: Why It Works?

In the ancient world, a name was a sacred thing. You were not supposed to share your real name with strangers. Centuries ago, random people had no power to call you — it was a privilege of your closest circle. Historically, slaves and prisoners were deprived of their names. So the loss of a name was closely related to the loss of freedom. Think about it…

If someone doesn’t like your name and asks for permission to edit this word which is basic for your existence, they are approaching the borderline. This is where you should say no. You have full right to be called whatever you want. You, not the aggressor who is willing to be your master pushing you towards slavery. Using an alternative name, they deny your existence. You start feeling uncomfortable. They start getting control and transform you into a minor thing with a minor name they can play with.

Renaming: Real-World Examples

In court, it turned out that historian Sokolov was calling his lover and ex-student Anastasia Yeshchenko “Isabel”. It was the name of the murderer’s daughter. To omit incestual motives, we can see that this name put the victim in an inferior and fully controlled position.

Yekaterina Boldyreva, the singer, always wants others to use her full name or her approved nickname Rina (the second one is for the close circle). Strangers are never allowed to use the obvious “Katya” (the short for Yekaterina in Russian). It’s a healthy attitude to naming.

Renaming: What Else?

The name is just the start. Each time an aggressor tries to rename things in their favor, pay attention to it. If they are renaming you, your achievements, occupation, awards, hobbies, people & things that are dear to you, it isn’t okay. They are starting to distort your world.

Renaming: How to Protect Yourself From It?

To do the simplest hygiene, insist on your name to be used in the proper form — the one that you like. If the aggressor keeps using their version, call them the name they don’t like or have never accepted. Do it again and again, just like them. In the long run, you should throw the person who doesn’t respect you to the extent of denying your name, out of your life.

Conclusion

Don’t ever take renaming for granted, it’s a form of hidden violence. Whatever you think of yourself, you do have the right to be called your own name. People are not allowed to use the shorter or more informal version of it until they get your explicit consent. Don’t let abusers cross your borderline by distorting your name. This will help you avoid many troubles. Most aggressors will quit at this point feeling that you are too tough for them.