On welcoming what happens
By: Darius Foroux
Tags: Stoicism, Life, Stoic Letter, Philosophy, Self

Stoic Letter 5

We’ve all received weird gifts from people we love. I remember getting a gift card for Six Flags from my college-girlfriend. We hadn’t been dating for that long, so she didn’t really know me well. I honestly don’t like theme parks. I don’t know how she came up with the idea, but looking back, I think it’s pretty cool. Back then, like an idiot, I immediately frowned when she gave me the gift. She knew I didn’t like it. A few days later, I asked her if she could get a refund.

If I had the same Stoic mindset back then, I wouldn’t have judged the gift so quickly. I would’ve tried it. Maybe we would have a great day and made some fun memories. You never know.

I was re-reading Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations recently. I noticed he talked a lot about accepting whatever happens to you in life. It’s one of the main themes of Stoicism. But the Stoics went beyond just accepting external events.

Most people prefer 365 days of sunshine, but when it rains, we reluctantly accept it. “Oh no, it’s raining again!” We have no other choice than to accept what we don’t control: Injuries, loss, the economy, other people’s actions, and so forth. But it’s all about our attitude towards acceptance. Most of us accept things because we realize there’s no other options. But the Stoics accepted things as if they wanted it in the first place. It’s a subtle difference, but it has an enormous impact on how you live. Marcus called this the ability to “practice acceptance without disdain.”

When you are satisfied with what you have, and accept whatever happens, you no longer struggle with reality. “Why did this happen to me? Why does it rain? Why is there a pandemic? Why can’t the vaccine be rolled out faster? Why can’t my co-worker respond quicker?” We expend huge amounts of mental energy on things like this. It’s a sign that we’re either not accepting external events, or we’re accepting them with disdain.

We all have this innate drive to mold life. We need to get what we want and we need to avoid what we don’t want. But often, the reverse is true. We get what we don’t want, and we can’t avoid undesirable outcomes. Right now, many people are trying to avoid getting Covid, but we all know we’re not immune to the virus unless we have antibodies.

So don’t wish for things to happen the way you like. Instead, welcome whatever happens as if you wanted it to happen. It’s a mind trick. And yes, you’re basically fooling yourself. But it works. Marcus had some good thoughts on this as well: “Be satisfied with what you have, and accept the present — all of it. And convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods, that things are good and always will be, whatever they decide and have in store for the preservation of that perfect entity — good and just and beautiful, creating all things, connecting and embracing them, and gathering in their separated fragments to create more like them.”

I like the part about convincing yourself that everything is the gift of a higher power — no matter what that is. I must say, this way of looking at the world requires some practice. So if you’re thinking this sounds crazy, you’re right. I still think it’s crazy to treat things you don’t want as a gift. But give it a try. You will feel so much more relaxed in life. It’s like nothing can harm you. All the best.