I Ruined My Friends Life When I Introduced Him To A Narcissist.
Tags: Men, Psychology, Abuse, Beyourself, Mental Health

I have a confession to make — I made a big mistake. One year ago I introduced my close friend to a girl that I didn’t know too well. Last summer my friend went through hell, his wife kicked him out and robbed him because he finally stood up for himself.

His wife was emotionally abusing him for years. Over time, he gained significant weight, started drinking heavily and became depressive. She did him a great favour by ending the relationship.

Back then he was heartbroken, started therapy while going through a divorce and was worried if his children will be alright. He was a devoted, loving and caring father of two kids.

On one of my dog walks I’ve introduced him to a dazzling girl who I’ve known shortly — she was my neighbour and we shared our love for the same dog breed, Hovawarts. We used to go on daily walks together. She was single, so was he.

Let me be frank, I did have an agenda: I wished to hook them up to cheer him and show him that there is still “happiness” and “hope” out there. You see, I’ve had good intentions.

My plan worked — they fell madly in love. His ex-wife found out and became unnecessary hostile towards him. Slowly but surely she started using their children as a tool to get back at him for “moving out and on”.

His ex started even denying his parental rights to his own children.

His new partner disliked the ex and had tendencies to act jealous. It didn’t bother him that much back then — he was all over the moon with her. They had sex four times a day.

On one occasion they got into a fight — his new partner started accusing him that he has still feelings for his ex. The argument escalated and she hit him — six times on the head. He told me about it the following day.

I laughed — a woman hitting a man on the head six times? Yeah, right….

I thought of them as a “passionate” couple and dismissed this incident. We spoke about this argument after the bbq — she denied hitting him “hard” and quite frankly, she downplayed it and somehow I believed her rather than believing my friend who I’ve known for 7 years.

Gender prejudice? Perhaps…

Two months passed and he told me about another incident, she got upset because he was due to go see his children in another town. She was reluctant to let him go without her. He invited her to go with him, but then she changed her mind. Anything he suggested would not calm her down.

This time she scratched him on his face, arms and left small bruises. He confided in me again and asked me to “believe him”. I did, but at the same time, I didn’t want to believe that this is really happening.

I was selfish to admit that I too have made a mistake by introducing her to him.

Shortly she became pregnant even though she was allegedly on pills. They decided to keep the baby. He took another loan and bought an apartment, he also proposed to her and she accepted — they were headed into their “Happily Ever After”.

During her pregnancy, her “tantrums” became worse, but he stopped sharing. I’ve stopped hearing from him that often. I had to call her to arrange a chat or a meeting, and she had to be always present.

My company was looking for an experienced sales manager so I referred him — he got the job and we started talking via “work” channels. Two weeks ago he called me early morning and told me that she had again threatened to kill herself and their unborn child.

The reason?

My friend told her that he would like to spend his “bachelor party” with his friends. She wishes to be there — so she can make sure that they don’t do anything she would not approve of. He asked her to trust her and she got upset.

It seems that my friend has been living in fear for the last few months, as his new partner has threatened not once, but multiple times suicide. He is trapped, heartbroken, helpless and lost.

This time I was there for him.

I’ve advised him to speak about these incidents to her wider family and so he did. He suggested for them to go to therapy together — she declined because it’s him who has a problem, she is pregnant so her behaviour is excusable.

Two days ago her mother rang my friend back and confessed that her daughter has severe mental health issues — she has threatened suicide in past on multiple occasions, she was in an institution for a short period of time, she is excessively jealous and has attachment issues, one of the doctors suggested she might have the borderline personality or/and narcissistic personality disorder.

She stopped using medications and going to therapies.

My friend’s “Neverland” shuttered. You see, my friend’s ex-wife is doing all in her power to make it hard for him to have contact with his kids, even though he has visitations and parental responsibility while his new partner is giving him an ultimatum — to pick between his two kids and their unborn child.

I’ve fucked up — I should have never introduced her to him.

He was vulnerable, lost and naive. He didn’t have sex with another woman in 7 years — he was an easy target for this girl.

She doesn’t want to change her behaviour or work things out — she said it loud and clear: she is a pregnant kidult (a child-adult as my fellow writer Maxwell Jordan states in his works). There is “nothing” wrong with her.

As there is never anything wrong with being a narcissist. My friend is trapped — asking questions to which we all know the dreadful answers.

“Did she plan this since the day she met me?”

“Did she get pregnant on purpose?”

“Is she truly a narcissist?”

“Was she ever honest about anything?”

“What will happen next?” — I ask myself.

I don’t want to know. I am fearing the day she gives birth.

I know though, that I believe him and I will stand by him every single day, no matter what. My friend, I am sorry — I had good intentions.