Don’t Give Up
By: Drew Morrison
Tags: Self Improvement, Better Humans, Optimization, Improvement, Failure

Photo by Brusk Dede on Unsplash

Do you sometimes quit after failing initially? I’m assuming most of you don’t because you are on this website. Many of us had lapsed multiple times and we keep trying. Sometimes we can’t even make it past a week. I know the stress of trying can be difficult. For me, personally, it is in my nature to keep trying. I never quit until I fail miserably. If I think I can do something, I will keep trying to do it. I tell myself that I am going to work out every morning. Even after I’ve failed for week to months at a time, I still keep my eyes focused on the goal that I want to accomplish. I will never stop trying to be the person I want to be. Do any of these points resonate with you?

You worry about being perceived as a failure by other people

You only like to participate in things where you’re likely to excel.

If your first attempt at something doesn’t work out well, you’re not likely to try again.

You believe the most successful people were born with natural talent to succeed.

There are plenty of things that you don’t think you could ever learn to do, no matter how hard you try.

Much of your self- worth is linked to your ability to succeed.

The thought of failing feels very unsettling.

You tend to make excuses for your failure.

You would rather show off the skills you already have than try to learn new skills.

Photo by Brusk Dede on Unsplash

Failure doesn’t have to be an end. In fact, the attitude of people of success is to treat failure as a beginning to a long journey of success.

I fail at many things each day. I set mini goals for myself on a daily basis and I don’t reach one of them. What do I do? Learn and reassess. Many people want to make excuses for why they didn’t do something or why they failed. If it was something that was in your control, you only have you to blame. For example, you want to be a writer? Well, do you know how to write? Most of us do. Do you know how to write well? If the answer is no, then work on it. Listen to an audiobook on crafting structure, watch videos, read books. There are so many resources at our finger tips now that there almost is no excuse to not learn something if you have the cognitive ability to do it.

Why Do We Give Up?

There are many reasons we give up. One of those reasons being fear. Many of us have different fears however. Some of those fears maybe disappointing our parents. Some fear that they are too fragile to handle a setback. Many associate failure with shame.

We start to make excuses for our failures. We say “we’re not naturally talented at that” and we focus on other things. This is a losers mindset. Excuses are for chumps. Instead of saying you’re not good at something, say to yourself “I gave it my all and I still failed” don’t lie to yourself. Did you give it your all?

I know in high school if I did poorly on a test, I would hide the scores from my parents. Hell, I’d even hide bad test scores from friends in college because I was ashamed of it. I think I was ashamed that I know I didn’t give my best effort. I didn’t study for the tests or do any of that. I had a bad attitude about academia. It’s amazing that I ended up graduating college with a B average. My attitude toward studying and working hard in school was awful. I never studied for any tests. I did better in my harder classes than easier ones because I worked when I felt a challenge.

This WILL NOT define who I am!

The famous author James Patterson was turned down by 31 publishers when he wrote his first book. He didn’t give up. He loved writing. He didn’t look at it as 31 publishers didn’t think he shouldn’t write. He looked at it as 31 publishers are wrong.

Photo by Adrian Pawel on Unsplash

Adopt A Growth Mindset

So many people give up because they don’t think they have the “God given” talent to do something. That’s nonsense. Out of all the successful people in this world, I bet most of them work insanely hard to get there. They weren’t just born with natural abilities. How many times do you hear about kids with IQ’s of 180 and then 10–20 years later they disappear? This happens often. In fact, after about 130 IQ, there isn’t any correlation between income and IQ. Those people all work hard to get where they are at. We are all human beings, we are all 99.99999% genetically similar. To say that they have ‘the talent’ is preposterous. If you’re an average human being, you’re blessed. You have the ability to reach far and beyond. It’s up to YOU to use it.

Giving up after the first failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time you quit, you reinforce the idea that failure is bad, which will prevent you from trying again.

Here’s what research says about perseverance and failure:

- Deliberate practice is more important than natural talent.

- Grit is a better predictor of success than IQ.

- Attributing failure to a lack of ability leads to learned helplessness.

Face It

If you get used to failing it becomes a lot easier. There have been many people in this psychological mindset. Greet a stranger every day. Just randomly talk to them. If they’re mean and don’t want to talk, that’s their problem not yours.

Learn from your failures and adjust your attack plan accordingly. Doing the same thing over and over again won’t help. It’s like me practicing the same songs on guitar over and over. I’m NOT getting better at guitar. I’m not stretching myself. If I was failing at playing some chords and notes I would be learning. That’s how the mind learns. The mind learns by failure and eventually will compensate to succeed.

Do Things That Suck

Try to do something that sucks every day. Do something that will stretch you mentally or physically. Pick something that you want to be better at. Go out and try to do better. We try to find trick ways to make ourselves think that there’s a secret out there. There is no secret. If you want to run a faster 5K, you need to start trying to run faster. Don’t try to change your training plan every two days because you don’t think your current one is working.

If you want to be a better writer, start writing. Learn from your mistakes. Reading 1000 books on writing will never teach you what a few hours of failure can.

I’m not saying take a risk that could be catastrophic to your life. Some people are willing to do that but that may not be you. If something is low risk, why not give it a try? Why not utilize your free time to get better at something instead of binge watching another show no one will talk about in 2 years and feel like you’re wasting your life?