The Fear of Being Feared is Not That Scary!
By: Zaithoon Bin Ahamed
Tags: Corporate Culture, Progressive, Relationships, Leadership Development, Feedback

My love for literature and poetry began when I was quite young. And the person responsible for this eternal love is my grandma. She would nonchalantly quote from the works of William Wordsworth, sing from Shakespearean Sonnets, and relate any event, dilemma, or happy occasion to many a poem or prose. The other day, I remembered one such poem — Casabianca By Felicia Dorothea Hemans with the famous opening lines ‘the boy stood on the burning deck.’ I remember repeatedly asking her, why he didn’t run for his life to which she calmly explained that the lesson from that piece was ‘obedience’ and not going against instructions. ‘Casabianca’ is apparently a true account of an actual incident from the 1798 “Battle of Nile,” which Hemans so beautifully narrates in her poetic composition. It’s a treasured piece of literature, but the lesson from that piece is perhaps different in today’s progressive world of constant change and the need to question, rethink, and do things differently on-the-go to remain unscathed. I wish my grandma was around today so I could finally tell her ‘why’ I thought he was a stupid boy with no common sense :)

I recalled this when reflecting upon speaking up and expressing your views without fear whether in the corporate world or in your personal life. Why are people generally afraid to speak up? Has our structured culture made us robots that follow instructions even if we don’t agree or have better and progressive views about something? Are we afraid of being judged or possibly be reprimanded for speaking out or against? In the corporate world, while most organizations encourage this, in alignment with progressive cultures and amid efforts to be more inclusive and collaborative, those who thrive in such environments are few and far between. It’s often either ‘fear’ or ‘being feared’ that possibly leads to tight lipped, disgruntled followers who may have a more conducive or riveting thought.

Assuming the people around you are open to honest and open dialogue and feedback, whether it be positive or constructive, there are some fundamentals every individual may need to work on first.

Clarity in thought and removing emotions — Get your facts right and have enough information to back this up with solid details. Always verify details, especially if it’s a sensitive matter. Look at things objectively and based on the facts, irrespective of what sort of emotional connection you have to the matter at hand or person/people you’re dealing with. This is a tough one, but the more you consciously do this, the easier it is to remove your emotions and focus on the problem.

Speaking up with reason vs ‘empty vessels’ — If you’re going to disagree or disapprove of something, you better have reasons and explain ‘why’ you cannot align to that thought or idea. It’s easy to dis someone or something, but it doesn’t help if you’re unable to provide constructive feedback with reasons, examples and possible suggestions for improvement. There’s a fine line between criticism for the sake of disagreement, and constructive feedback for the betterment of all.

It’s not ‘what’ you say, rather ‘how’ you say it — Manage your emotions first before you open your mouth to speak. Choose words carefully. This does not mean you must sugar coat what you’ve gotta say, rather be respectful and focus on the facts and not the person. You’ve first got to win people over and make them comfortable before sharing your opposing views. This way it’s more likely they will be open to your feedback.

Most often than not, people shy away from speaking up or speaking out because it’s uncomfortable and you’re unaware of what the consequences might be. It takes a bit of courage and practice. In the end, being feared is a good thing — not because you’re fearful, but for being fearless. Else, you could end up being like that boy who stood on the burning deck …