When Life Doesn’t Turn Out As Expected
By: Marcy Pedersen
Tags: Change Management, Expectations, Change, Life Lessons, Change Your Life

The idea popped in my head when I was listening to the millionth podcast/audio book on my way to work. I knew eventually I would listen to the right one at the right time and it would be my salvation. An answer would come that would tell me how to get out of a job I didn’t want and tell me what I should do with my life. The idea came from Marianne Cantwell and her book Be A Free Range Human; Escape the 9–5, Create a Life You Love and Still Pay The Bills.

Answer these questions. They will help you in your self-discovery. Be aware, you might not like what you will find. At that moment I knew she was right. It wasn’t going to be earth shattering, but revealing. My self-discovery wasn’t going to be yours, or theirs. It was going to be mine. I was already on the cusp of it, but needed a push to accept what I had found.

I simply wanted confirmation of my new focus. I knew what I had been pursuing wasn’t it, but who was I now after life had changed so much. What is essential to who I am, now? I answered Marianne’s questions and that, along with everything else I had done for the past 5 years, helped me to see for the first time. See what I am good at, do naturally, and what I can do. It wasn’t what I expected.

“You will get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it.” Jay Shetty.

Nothing is the way I imagined it. The business woman I have become is not the one I imagined. This isn’t half as glorious as what I had conjured in my mind. Most of it is bull crap. I do a lot of tedious work to get noticed and there are very few moments when you are center stage. It just looks a lot like work.

Sex isn’t how I imagined it. It comes with fluids that need wiped. Smells that aren’t acceptable in public. You know that morning after haven’t taken a shower yet kind of smell. I was never attracted to my husband’s balls and often wonder why the grand creator couldn’t have just kept that part out. Sex is grand and wonderful and at the same time disappointing.

While parenting is beautiful it’s a lot of work and I often wonder why I started in the first place. I want to die for these children, yet they cost an awful lot. I have adult children who drain our resources, finances, and will to live. When do we get to the part where we just enjoy them and aren’t asked to do so much? When will we ever get to go into the bedroom and not have them interrupt us — thanks cell phones.

Then there is family. Let’s not go there. It’s obvious from birth that is an accident waiting to happen. Let’s see home ownership is burdensome, non-stop work, a drain on finances, energy, and of our time. Religion disappoints. Role models fail us. Teachers don’t teach. Leaders don’t lead. Lovers stop loving. Spouses stop showing up. Everything one way or the other will not be as we imagined. Sometimes that will be good. Sometimes it won’t.

I spent five years doing what? Searching for someone that doesn’t exist. What is it they say? You can’t see the forest for the trees. I missed all the obvious points. I was looking for myself thinking I would find a lot of people I read about. Thinking I would land smack dab in a place that I am not at. I’m not those people. I am me. When I figured that out I wasn’t sure I liked what I found.

Jay Shetty again. “And most people don’t get to where they want in life because the path is not as they imagined it.”

Because when life doesn’t line up to the film we have rolling in our minds we think something is wrong. I am in the wrong place. It can’t be like this. It can’t feel like this. This isn’t what I wanted. We quit. What if reality is just different not wrong? If it’s different I might keep on trying. I might take steps to move forward. I might get through the part that isn’t so comfortable. Doesn’t make sense. If I do I might just get the chance to get where I wanted to go in the first place.

Jay says that everything is part of the lesson. Maybe right now there is just a lesson we are supposed to learn. Maybe we need to learn some things before we get to where we want. Jay believes that instead of trying to control life we should create from what life is giving us. This doesn’t mean we give up on our goals and dreams. It means we pour who we are into what is right in front of us, seize the day, and then get back to work trying to move forward. It means we open our ears and listen, open our eyes and see. It means we learn and take our knowledge and use it to move forward.

It’s okay if it isn’t like you thought it would be. Let those uncomfortable feelings move you forward. Learn the lessons life is trying to teach you. Pour yourself into what life is giving you and stop trying to control it. Every moment is worth living. Things rarely work out like we expect. It doesn’t confirm your goals are wrong, your headed down the wrong road, or that there isn’t any value where you are. If you truly want to get where you want in life — keep going. Stopping is the only action we can take that will truly prevent us from succeeding.

Marcy Pedersen