Your Mental Indebtedness Is What Keeps You In Debt
By: Anastasia Summersault
Tags: Money, Debt, Society, Life, Self

Your First Creditors By Birth

You were born, and just like that, you already owe something to someone.

Your first “creditor” is none other than your parents — and, if you are growing up in a toxic family, they will make sure you are aware of it.

They will go out of their way to remind you of the sacrifice they made for you — the life they gave you, the food they put on your table, the clothes they got you, the tuition they paid for you. They will keep telling you how much they have done for you, so now you’d be expected to reciprocate that.

You’d be expected to repay your debt.

Maybe not in the monetary form, at first — you are still young, after all, and aren’t making your own money. Besides, it’s not like you could put a price tag on human life.

And your parents know that.

Make no mistake: they know the buttons they need to push to make you comply. They know perfectly well that you are dependent on them financially, so they can use that lever to ensure you remain in this inferior, indebted mental state.

Chronically indebted people — the same as chronically guilty people — are much easier to control.

Not all parents are like that, of course. But, unfortunately, way too many of them are. Some are less toxic than others, but many parents out there view their children as an extension of themselves and force them on a path to conformity the way they themselves once were. They believe that because you are their child, they have a say in what you do with your life.

And just like that, you’ve been first introduced to the mental and emotional state of indebtedness.

So how can you repay your parents if you don’t have any money?

By being a good kid. By making them proud. By doing what they say, pursuing the type of life they see for you. Because they know better, right? You have to keep them happy — get good grades, play a musical instrument, go to college, pursue a career they find acceptable, land a prestigious job that they can brag about to their friends.

And if you try to resist, they will remind you that you have an obligation to your family. After all, they have done so much for you, haven’t they? This is the least you can do in return.

Your parents instill in you the belief that you need to be successful so that they could save face in front of the neighbors. And as you grow older, this belief becomes internalized and turns into a conviction of your own. You now believe you have to possess conventional attributes of success in the form of wealth, social status, and social prestige to be well-regarded in society.

You end up going to college. It doesn’t matter that college isn’t really about learning anymore and is not necessarily required to obtain the skills and knowledge you need for a fulfilling professional occupation. You go anyway because you’ve been told it’s the only way to succeed and end up either taking on a bunch of student loan debt or have your parents fund the bill.

If you come from a family where your parents engage in guilt trips, gaslighting, and manipulations to control your life, the latter option entails just as much indebtedness as the former one, albeit not necessarily in monetary terms.

You will graduate and enter the rat race. And then… Well, you know the drill.

Keep working, get promotions, get planned vacations once or twice a year. Car loan, later on, a mortgage. You have to keep up with the Joneses.

You will spend a lifetime (literally) working a job you don’t like for a wage to sustain yourself, only so you could continue going to work.