Know Yourself by Knowing Your Shadow
By: Brenden Weber
Tags: Philosophy, Mindfulness, Life, Psychology, Life Lessons

Have you ever wondered, how well do you really know yourself? As Plato once said, “know thyself.”

But why?

Typically, when we contemplate whether we know ourselves, the thoughts that come into our minds are our desires, values, and beliefs about the universe. These characteristics we form around ourselves is our code; something the “I” we create for ourselves identifies with. That saying, ‘every man has a code,’ we all do. You have a code that you see the world through and make decisions with, it’s the conscious ego. That code is customizable and changeable.

But what can we do with this awareness? We can ask ourselves, who am I? That’s really the most reliable thing you have, knowing yourself.

We all create this belief system we follow — the identity of you — that is your moral code, your sense of duty, your sense of purpose; the identity that becomes the driving force for action.

But is that truly you?

Ask yourself, have you ever done or said anything — on impulse — that you regretted afterward? You get frustrated and down on yourself — you scream in your head, “why did I say that?” And if that doesn’t relate, think of a time where you had this sudden emotional reaction — out of anger — that had you wondering, why couldn’t I control my emotions? My anger.

Those moments are us coming face to face with our shadow self.

The Shadow

As psychologist Carl Jung said:

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.”

The shadow within all of us is the parts of us we deny in ourselves and cast out into our own inner abyss. That abyss is the place within ourselves that our conscious ego has tried to forget about. We lock it up and throw away the key, yet it’s still there screaming, yelling, and demanding control over your actions.

Seeing the shadow within us is difficult, it’s in that black abyss of our mind that is difficult to enter, as it’s hard to face.

Yet, the judgmental creatures that we humans are, we are good at seeing those shadow traits in others, but not ourselves.

Think of your favorite celebrities and public figures. When a story of cheating in a relationship, corruption, or simply a public display of anger from one of them, the public quickly moves to pass judgment.

This judgment is a reaction that protects us from admitting to ourselves that those thoughts, reactions, and emotions lie within us. This idea is what Jung calls “projection.”

You see, our conscious mind wants to avoid our own shadow, yet our subconscious wants us to acknowledge that abyss of the shadow self, but instead of going into the abyss of our minds — our own shadow — we project and amplify the flaws of others.

We notice these shadow traits of aggression, carelessness, materialism, hatred, envy in the projections we create of others. But that projection becomes a reflection of you: a denial of the perceived inferior qualities and evils that we do not want to admit is deep within us.

We set our conscious mind on the throne of our ego.

Imagine that throne being a giant iceberg, your ego is the tip floating above the water, but that unconscious mind is where the shadow lurks in the endless mountain of ice that lies beneath.

To understand this, imagine a time you had a friend confront you about a fault, something as simple as arriving late to everything. When confronted you are met with this overwhelming rage for a moment. That rage is from your friend hitting the iceberg beneath the surface, the nerves you weren’t aware of, thus lack control of.

For Jung, when we deny the shadow, the more control it has of your thoughts, actions, and reactions.

As he said:

“everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

Those projections are ways of passing blame for those perceived negative emotions we have ourselves. If we are not aware this is happening, we project our negative traits upon others, blaming them for our own shortcomings and our own lack of personal happiness.

So how do we work with our shadow?

For one, we must become aware of it — dive into the abyss with it — and integrate it into the whole of our conscious ego. If we deny the shadow, we allow it to control us while providing our ego the illusion of control.

We must identify possible origins for our shadow triggers, such as repressed trauma, pain, fear, and aggression.

We must then integrate our shadow by acknowledging those parts in our everyday lives. With this knowledge of those parts, only then can we unlock the wisdom that being aware of it brings.

So instead of allowing fear to control us, we choose courage; instead of pain, we see an opportunity for strength; instead of allowing the trauma to define us, we see it as an opportunity for understanding; instead of allowing aggression to overcome us, we see an opportunity to find our passion.

This understanding bleeds into our interactions with others, instead of meeting other shadows with our own irrational shadow, we meet it with compassion by knowing it’s a trigger they’ve not fully understood and integrated into themselves.

I’ll close with what Jung said beautifully about what integrating your shadow into the whole can bring:

“Such a man knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in himself, and if he only learns to deal with his own shadow he has done something real for the world. He has succeeded in shouldering at least an infinitesimal part of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day.”

You see, changing the world begins with knowing yourself.