How Leaders Can Solve Their Biggest Communication Problems
By: Robert Kennedy Iii
Tags: Communication, Leadership, Love, Storytelling

The internet hasn’t always existed. No, really. I’m telling the truth. I know because I was there. At one point in time, we had friends and people who liked us. But, we didn’t know what it meant to “friend” someone or get your status “liked”. Language was different. Slang and colloquialisms were different. It was a different time.

Although I’m being slightly nostalgic, I won’t start writing about the “good ol’ days”. The fact is they were just the “different days.” They were good for those who made them good, just as it is now. However, there IS something that has not changed…how people connect.

The other day I was driving through a neighborhood on the outskirts of Baltimore and I saw a family sitting on their porch. They weren’t talking. They weren’t laughing. No one was on a phone or mobile device. They weren’t doing anything but sitting there. Yet, they had extremely pleasant looks on their faces. I was stopped at a light and I took the time to watch them as they people watched. It brought back a picture of pre-television entertainment.

For most of us, it is unfathomable what people did before there was TV or internet. To us, it seems people simply suffered through boredom until someone came to rescue them with modern technology. We often miss the reality that there are still parts of the world where no TV or internet exists and yet, the people in these areas find a way to lead happy lives. What is it that connects them?

Stories. This seems to be the base of connected communication. Stories help us to create mental pictures. These mental pictures help us to place ourselves in the shoes of others. Said differently, stories increase the empathic connection. This is why it is so much more powerful when you share an experience rather than simply giving instructions.

When you are at an event and someone asks the typical question, “so, what do you do”, a powerful response can involve a quick story about what you were involved in yesterday. This is much more likely to invoke a conversation than simply saying, “Oh, I fix computers and build networks.” Well, that’s interesting.

When society consisted of sitting around the firepit at night, shepherds simply hanging out in the fields all day, or homesteaders preparing the land, their bond was in conversation and the best storytellers (true or false) were the ones who held rapt and attention and made connection. This is still true. The best storytellers create the highest emotions, ask the greatest questions or simply cause us to ask questions of ourselves.

Think about your most treasured conversations. Are they simply a list of instructions, facts and figures or do they involve stories? If so, then why do we minimize then in our “professional” conversations?

The answer lies somewhere between a fear of being judged/vulnerable and a desire to separate our worlds because of our lack of passion in one. We push individuality and promote the false idea that independence means doing it on your own. We fear connection because with connection comes community and with community comes responsibility. This doesn’t mean the responsibility to perform a specific task. It means the responsibility to care and contribute to others. This is difficult because it means that some days, it will be messy. It means some days will be more challenging than others. But, it ultimately means possibility…possibility for the connection to grow stronger through understanding and shared experiences.

This is the heart of story. They are meant to help us understand, connect, communicate, heal and serve each other. Stories take place in every moment. But, we can’t connect, communicate or create impact unless we tell them.

Quite simply, leaders who want to communicate effectively, connect deeply must grow in the art of telling stories.

Because the firepit is where leaders are born.