The Ugly Truth about Conformity Will Slap You Hard
By: Margarette Mathias
Tags: Self Improvement, Leadership, Personal Development, Productivity, Society

Chris was my classmate in college who sought a place in his little group of “friends”. He deliberately became a bully to fit in.

One day, he cussed at me — out of nowhere. The guts. His gang cackled. Despite the shock, I analyzed why he did that. Found out he was showing off. To get back, I jabbed his devious face.

What Chris did was utterly stupid. If he desires dominance over others, he should’ve at least stood on his own — not go around shouting, “I‘m one with this gang!” and throw cuss words at people. In the first place, he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone.

It’s fake confidence to hide in the shadow of “friends.”

Unfortunately, the ugly truth about conformity is, while everything becomes easy, you slowly become useless.

Why do people conform?

There are reasons why an individual conforms. The common reasons are:

To fit in a group To avoid being left behind To avoid further arguments For convenience

People are afraid they might choose the “wrong way”.

Trying to fit it in means cutting off your extra corners. People waste their potentials for the image of “fun and security”.

There’s a fear that if you don’t go with the majority of people, you’re choosing the wrong way. People hate being wrong.

But, do you know when’s the only time people are wrong? It’s when they can’t stand up for their own. The time they’re wrong about decisions are when:

they believe in other people’s judgment.

they cave in with regrets.

they can’t take the responsibility.

If I take a route and people negatively criticize me for it, am I wrong? In their eyes, I am. But whether I make mistakes along the way or not, as long as I take myself accountable, it isn’t a wrong decision.

On the day I shifted from Architecture to Automotive, my parents, classmates, and friends were all disappointed. But, am I wrong? No, because I took accountability and didn’t regret it.

But what if I take the same route, people dismiss me for it, and I regret it after. Am I wrong? In their eyes and mine, my decisions are wrong because it’s what I believed so, too. I caved in with regrets.

There are no wrong decisions in the path we take (unless you’re killing or stealing). It only boils down to how long can we stand up for it.

And standing up for a decision— not many people are ready to do it.

People try to mimic other’s actions. “We can’t be wrong if everyone does it.” But this isn’t 100% true at all. The better statement to say is, “you won’t feel guilty if everyone does it.”

Conforming is a hindrance to personal growth.

How does conforming stop us from growing emotionally and psychologically?

1. People become incompetent and mediocre.

Once you’re a conformist, that usually means you’re a follower rather than a leader. That’s fine. However, how far would someone go as a follower? Just as far as where the leader takes him.

And if the leader takes him nowhere, he’ll end up on the same spot.

Conforming is people’s usual comfort zone. In the long run, it kills creativity and leaves us dependent and indecisive.

A conformist’s biggest fear shall be facing obstacles and no one’s there to help.

A conformist didn’t have the chance to grow because they’re satisfied being “under”. But, once the “shade” is gone, they’ll be left frustrated with how mediocre they’ve become.

2. When you always conform, soon, people won’t value your opinions.

Conformist can be loud and suggestive, or someone who silently follows orders. Either way, I have observed that once you’re branded as a “follower,” your plans rarely appeal to everyone.

I also had a low point where I lost my self-esteem. I didn’t talk much. One time, we had a directionless group meeting. Almost an hour later, we haven’t come up with any concrete plan. So I suggested an idea which I think would solve the issue.

Annoyingly, it was waved off. My ideas dissolved into thin air. But when the leader suggested the exact same sh*t, it became a eureka moment. Damn, he stole my idea — and the spotlight.

What did I learn? When you always conform, you lose power. You lose voice and other people snatches the opportunities right up in your face.

The end result — no one appreciates your efforts because they’re conditioned to see you, and your plans, as mediocre.

3. Conformists gradually lose self-esteem. Opportunities slide off.

I do theatre at school before. I act in front of hundreds and feel no ounce of insecurity. But after I’ve lingered in conformity due to an incident, it delivered me nothing but fear. It resulted in inactivity.

I lost a lot of opportunities. I turned down a national automotive skills competition. I could have had taken chances, but I declined — now I regret it. Do you see it? Conformists always carry regrets.

It degrades our ability to speak up and shatters our confidence on multiple levels.

Why not, instead of conforming, lead?

What happens when you lead people instead of being a follower? It’s a difficult shift, but possible. Here’s what will happen.

1. You set your own standards.

Most people go to where it’s easier. So go wherever they are not there. Take the narrow road, even if you’re alone.

What’s more surprising is, once you pave your own road, people start to walk in and follow. Most people love the easiest path, anyway.

“Innovate or evaporate”

It takes much work to create and actualize new ideas. However, innovative people garner the best of everything — recognition, setting up the standard, and alright, let’s include money. Though, money shouldn’t be your main drive.

When Henry Ford introduced the car “assembly line” — assembling his most renowned Model T car within 90 minutes —every car manufacturer followed his lead and it paved the way for car mass-production in 1908.

Creators, writers, and directors who deviate from the norm are the ones to set new standards. They become the authority.

And we all see it. People follow their ways, techniques, and idea. Once a concept goes viral, the internet shall be soon bombarded with copied, tweaked, or spun contents of the original. Truth be told, some succeed, so many try to recreate that success. However, the impacts aren’t as wild as when the concept was new.

So which one do you want to be? The standard-setter, or the content spinner?

2. You gain people’s trust when you stand up on your own.

There’s a huge gap between the leader and follower role. Conformists who are forced to lead are either awkward or incompetent. Oftentimes, it doesn’t work.

They are the dependent ones, thus, it’s tough for them to be depended on. Most conformists are confident around leaders because they won’t be accountable for anything.

“Leaders are not conformists.”

People form groups around someone who can manage them. They are attracted to those who deliver new ideas, can speak up, are not shy, do activities, and be creative.

Everyone likes to be called a leader, but not all want their responsibilities. Those who can’t take responsibility for themselves sooner or later evaporate.

“To evaporate” means to get frustrated, stagnant, stuck, question their existence, contemplate why they aren’t good enough, and wonder if they’ll ever succeed in life.

3. Going different is an investment.

Consistently finding ways to do different is actually an investment. It makes you stand out from the undistinguished crowd.

From my college experience, since my classmates formed groups in the name of “unity” and “fun”, it was easy for me to stand out. I love going opposite from their “fun” but half-assed plans.

My classmates were a lazy bunch. While they sleep around, I walk on a different route. Fortunately, my hardships weren’t in vain.

By the time I graduated, the years I’ve spent “thinking different” garnered appreciation as I received simultaneous recognition. Two of my professors also recommended me to teach at the same university. Many think it was an easy way in, but what they didn’t realize is I invested 4 years for it.

Unintended risk and benefit of speaking up.

1. Insecurity from people

Whether you’re doing good or bad, people have the words to describe you. So why not choose to rise instead?

If you excel and they get intimidated, it’s their problem and not yours. As long as you don’t deviate the focus from your plans, you’ll come out unaffected.

However, you know what’s better? Rising to the top with them. If you deviate from the norm and have a handful of people who believes in you, take them.

2. You unknowingly inspire others.

You’ll never know who you inspire. People get inspired easily — just like me. When I saw my old classmate rebuilding and redesigning their own house, I was so pumped up because I know she’s doing her best, too.

I’ve written a few essays and posts about her and she doesn’t have the slightest idea (this story is a good example).

When you actualize your plans, regardless of the noise and criticisms, someone will appreciate your efforts. Don’t look at how many people would criticize you because there will be hundreds, or thousands! Simultaneously, look at the people who would be inspired. That’s a better perspective.

Different is good.

Our society evolves. Technology and advertising evolve, too. Why shouldn’t you? It’s high time to evaluate how much you’ve progressed. How much have you changed from the past year?

Everyone dreams, but not everyone acts on it. If they may act, they redo what has been “proven”. Some make a move only if it pleases people — a good path to withering your potentials.

If people are against your plans, then pave your own way. No one said there’s an absolute way to do things. If you’ve read stories like “Do These 3 Things to Earn $$$$$ in Two Minutes,” read it, do it, but don’t settle. Do a trial and error yourself. Innovate.

Read books while everyone’s playing video games. Try new techniques while everyone feasts on the “proven”. In reality, there’s no one technique that fits us all.

And, usually, it’s the “different” that sets the direction.