Confessions of a Therapist: What You Need Know
By: Sarah Banwart
Tags: Therapy, Health, Mental Health

Have you ever been sitting in therapy wondering what your therapist thinks of you? Or maybe you start comparing your situation to others they may have heard.

As someone who has been a client to multiple therapists over the past ten years, I know the exact thoughts and insecurities that race through your mind when you are bearing your soul to someone.

Not only have I been a client, but I am a mental health therapist myself. I am here to let you in on all secrets therapists have about you. From one side of the couch to the other, I know exactly what is going through your mind.

***Trigger warning: mention of (but no details) my hospitalization for suicidal ideations***

Photo by MARK ADRIANE on Unsplash

Your problems do not sound small or stupid to me

I remember the day my therapist hospitalized me for suicidal ideations. Do you want to know what was running through my head the entire time?

“She probably thinks I’m so dramatic to be suicidal. There is nothing that bad in my life to put me in this position.”

It was not until I became a therapist myself that I understood this. When you come into our office, I see you in distress. It does not matter what is causing you distress. If it is hurting you, I am determined to help you.

Nothing is too small or stupid to cause pain.

It breaks my heart to see you cry

There have been many times in session where I have choked back tears for you.

To watch you in such a vulnerable and raw state, trusting me with your scariest thoughts, it is gut-wrenching to see you cry.

Most of us see a therapist as well

Do you know how many nurses say they became one due to how a nurse changed their life? Or that they wanted to help others because they went through so many medical issues when they were younger?

The same goes for your therapist. Believe it or not, many therapists choose this career path due to their mental health issues.

I became a therapist because I was hospitalized twice for suicidal ideations at 23. I have c-PTSD, depression, anxiety, and OCD diagnoses. My battle with mental illness started when I was only 6 years old. This has been a lifelong thing for me and many of my colleagues.

Even if your therapist does not suffer from their mental illness, our ethics say that we should practice what we preach. It helps us to get experience on “both sides of the couch” and relate to you more profoundly.

I think about you when we are not in session

Not in a creepy way, but I am reminded of you in my daily life. Whether it’s being exposed to a hobby you enjoy or reading about something I know you’d find interesting.

Even if it isn’t being reminded of you, I spend hours outside of our sessions researching ways to help you heal from your traumas and thrive in your day-to-day life.

It isn’t a “forget about them until I see them next” kind of relationship that most medical professionals have. Your therapist gets to know you on a level that no one else ever will.

Thank you for trusting me.

I can and will only meet you where you are at

If you aren’t going to put forth the work outside of the session, there is nothing I can do to help. I see you for two hours a month. That means the other 728 hours are up to you, and how you decide to employ tactics given to you.

Sometimes I have clients who don’t want to do the work but just need a place to let it all out. That is okay, but it is hard to help you when you don’t want to help yourself.

Other clients take my techniques and apply them to their life daily. These are the ones where we can move forward together and watch you heal and move on with your life.

“I will always be there for you, but you need to put forth an effort.”

Nothing embarrasses me, tell me everything

When I say I’ve heard it all, I have heard it all. You will not embarrass your therapist with anything you say.

Chances are we have already heard something similar or have heard much worse. Either way, we have been in the business long enough to not be shocked by anything anymore.

Believe me when I say that you are the only one who might feel embarrassed by what you need/want to say.

I know when you are deceitful

Do you think I went through 6+ years of schooling, practiced thousands of hours before becoming fully licensed, and continue my education yearly to not know when you are being dishonest?

I consider myself a human lie detector, and I can smell lies a mile away. Sometimes I will call you out on it if it is pertinent to what we are dealing with in the session. Like I said above though, I will only meet you where you are at.

If you are not ready to tell me the truth, I will not force you to tell me. But know that I know more is going on than you are leading me to believe.

I do not compare you to our other clients

Each client has a different story and each story leads to different paths. There is no way I could ever possibly compare any of my clients because of how different each person is.

That was always a worry I had with my therapists, that they would think my problems were petty compared to their other clients.

While some of my problems might be smaller than others, it was not until I became a therapist that I saw that did not matter at all. If you are in distress, traumatized, or struggling it is for a reason.

“The human mind is much more fragile and easily traumatized than one would think.”

The pain you feel from that event is all I care about. I do not sit there and think about how you should not be hurting from something like that or how “it could be so much worse.” I just care about making sure you can heal.

You will heal more quickly if you are honest with me

The longer you keep that junk inside, the harder it will be to heal.

I see memes all the time that joke about how much you hide from your therapist. I am guilty of it as well! I have done it to my therapists, but it has hurt me in the long run.

The more quickly you process pain and trauma, the less long-term effects it will have on your mental and physical health.

Do not open up before you are ready to, but do not purposefully hold back pertinent information either. You will feel so much better if you get it out.

It is okay and normal to not remember your trauma

People come to me all the time and say they know they have been traumatized in some way but have no recollection of what happened to them.

That is totally and completely normal.

It is a trauma response from the brain that helps protect you.

Many times your body can remember and respond to certain smells, noises, or tastes, but your brain has no idea what is going on.

I want you to understand because it happened to me and others I know. Many times when you are struggling with severe mental health issues in your mid-to-late 20s, you will uncover that it is your body trying to finally process the trauma that you have failed to remember, or severely downplayed, growing up.

This is completely normal but is necessary to process to heal and live a healthy life.

You have no idea how proud of you I am

When you have a breakthrough or tell me you practiced using your coping strategies, I BEAM with pride for you!

There is nothing more satisfying to see the look on your face when you tell me how you overcame a difficult situation healthily.

Therapists have meetings called supervision. This is where we gather with other therapists in our building and ask any questions, get advice on a situation, or process things ourselves. You best believe that we brag on our clients and celebrate your success in supervision as well.

Your accomplishments in therapy mean so much to me, and I cherish those moments I get to celebrate them with you.

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I know I am not the only one when I say:

“Your therapist telling you they are proud of you is a personal achievement unlike any other.”

Go forth to your next therapy session and relinquish yourself of any insecurities you may have. You are going to make some real progress if you remember these secrets.