Reagan’s Apostasies
By: Will Reede
Tags: Ronald Reagan, Republicans

Reagan’s Apostasies

Source: Wikimedia Commons

During a 2014 family beach retreat, my father exposed me to an unfamiliar non-reality television channel called Fox News. The broadcast gabbers were bashing the apocalypse du jour: Barack Obama was going on vacation. A young lady pundit declared something along the lines of, “When he was fighting Communism, Ronald Reagan didn’t go on vacation!”

I know facts no longer trouble Conservallucination, but I remembered from my elementary school days the president liked his California ranch. In fact, I count 348 days listed on this presumably fair and balanced website titled The Reagan Library. Letting fifth graders onto some of their shows might raise the discourse quality.

In Republican circles, President Reagan had more powers than Chuck Norris. His war on welfare queens driving Cadillacs brings Tea Party drama queens to tears and ruins their mascara. Trump’s barely noticed Space Force feels a little like Reagan’s vaporware Star Wars defense system, but new and different this time because it has a Star Trek emblem.

However, were he with us today, I believe he would disowned by the monsters he helped birth. Here’s why:

Reagan wanted the wall down

Build That Wall was an effective election slogan. 2016 was a time conservative crowds could gleefully cheer Dear Leader without having to endure hypothermia or spread a pandemic. They could still believe the fantasy ObamaCare was going away faster than a Trump casino closed.

How wonderful would it be to place an animatronic Reagan atop the forty-something new miles Donald succeeded in constructing on the southern border? It could endlessly repeat “Tear Down This Wall.”

In the Berlin speech including that now famous line, Reagan advocated for Eastern European liberalization. So it is ironic Tucker Carlson is now praising Hungary’s Viktor Orban for building walls. Republicans love Putin as if he’s going to wipe out Antifa and share those Steele Dossier ladies of the evening. Do any limbs fall off during the hand waving needed to cozy up to Warsaw Pact members, at least one of which was very much in favor of trans athletes?

Tucker should be grateful I am not a State Department employee. Because I would have found a reason his U.S. reentry needed Congressional approval. First we’d require a published report on what exactly he did abroad. Then politicians would debate who gets on our enemies list. Then a robust discussion on what does and does not count as “aid” and “comfort.” Congress could then vote on the resolution “Tucker Carlson’s August 2021 trip gave neither aid nor comfort to our enemies,” the Constitutional definition of treason. The process would need to last at least as long as the Benghazi hearings.

Reagan knew when to say sorry

Iran-Contra was a terrible time for the country. Endless Congressional testimony preempted game shows and soap operas. How ridiculous when many televisions’ highest channel number was lower than the age of a Matt Gaetz date.

Reagan gave a conciliatory address accepting blame. He claimed actions were taken without his knowledge but that he was “still accountable for those activities.” Contrast with Trump, the coronavirus, and “I don’t take responsibility at all.” I think that is an excellent concise platform if Republicans ever draft one again.

Someone should have reiterated the perils of the withdrawal method to President Biden before Afghanistan policy was made. But let’s also remember Republicans know how to flee a country when the situation becomes unpleasant. Just ask Ted Cruz.

Reagan’s Afghanistan was Lebanon. Asked to name a regret in a 1986 interview, Reagan acknowledged the tragedy of the 241 servicemen killed in Beirut. The February subsequent to that 1983 bombing, the president was still insisting a pullback would embolden terrorists. A few days later, the troop evacuation started. The objectives had become less clear than a Lauren Boebert tweet.

Republican heads might explode if they recalled Reagan’s government said putting foreign-looking people in cages was wrong. He authorized reparations to Japanese internment camp survivors by signing the Civil Liberties Act of 1988. The only reparations acceptable to today’s right wing are refunds to people who suffer the indignity of being taxed.

Reagan was pragmatic

Speaking of revenue, Reagan campaigned for lower rates and at first got them. That victory is still being celebrated. But the sequel left on the cutting-room floor is Reagan had to reverse course by later signing TEFRA. Today’s Republicans would outlaw signatures before allowing that to happen. The law was to address a budget deficit that in 1982 was $128 billion. How quaint. Nowadays, we spend that to clean up the messes left by election audits.

Reagan signed a law granting amnesty to three million illegal immigrants. He was quoted as saying, “An illegal immigrant is just a willing worker.” If they aren’t building Trump Tower, doing Senator Romney’s lawn or working for Koch business interests, don’t these laborers know they are supposed to self-deport?

Though Reagan claimed government is the problem, he at least understood it had a role in maintaining stability and prosperity. He railed against Congresses bringing the government to the “edge of default.” By 2013’s Bizarro World, the Republicans were giddy to close the government, risk default and yell at government employees for not doing their shuttered jobs. It was only when Republicans realized they were their Wall Street-funded campaign ads were in jeopardy did they back down. You have to have airtime to make sure voters know you support Social Security and Medicare, but it’s the opponent who’s the socialist.

Persona non grata

One would think any of these crimes would make Ronald Reagan deserving of the Liz Cheney treatment. The sum balance should morph him into He Who Must Not Be Named.

And yet GOP tributes often risk breaking the First Commandment. They ask What Would Regan Do and worship at Jelly Bean shrines. Sarah Palin resurrected “there you go again,” which would have been so more more authentic if she’d sent Tina Fey to the debate podium instead.

I get it. Conservative mythology would rather think of a time when the GOP candidate garnered 525 electoral votes and trickle-down economics hadn’t yet failed them 525 times. Whatever doesn’t comport with current ideology has been collectively forgotten.

Maybe Quincy Bioscience could synthesize Prevagen-R to help them remember.