Typos. God’s Gift To The Self-Righteous.
By: Helen Cassidy Page
Tags: Humor, Writing Tips, Psychology, Advice, Writing

I’m in the business of catching mistakes. I’m an editor, and I have the unholy job of pointing out the error of many author’s ways. Since I don’t have a huge sadistic gene, it’s not my favorite part of the job. But that’s what I get paid for, to show a writer where they fell short and help them get better, much better.

Most writers love to hear my praise, and the red marks that underline their shortcomings, not so much. After all, writers are people. We’re all sensitive about having our mistakes writ large on a platform where people can shred us for a typo. I’m talking to you, Amazon.

If you ever feel the need for a dose of flagellation, write a book, publish it on Amazon, and wait for the reviews. A slew of readers is in the wings sharpening their knives. Leave out an article in a sentence, write their for there, and you’re toast, I guarantee it.

I publish books on Amazon, and I know whereof I speak. I’ve gone over my books with a fine-tooth comb, had them proofread, and then slammed my palm to my forehead when a reader pointed out errors. One time, I published a book missing an entire chapter. In case that makes any writer’s day who’s been trolled for a typo this morning.

Shit happens, so do mistakes.

Most painful for me is when a client of mine reports a stinging review of a quality book because of numerous errors. Said writer is ready to give up her career, but after combing through the book again, we might find only one typo we missed. Because people are allowed to say any shit they want in a so-called review. One error, numerous errors? Who but the author will check? And hyperbole always makes the reviewer look good.

As if typing teh instead of the is a federal crime.

I’ve had the good fortune to have two books published by traditional publishers. The first book came out in 1976 and the second twenty years later. Publishing hadn’t changed much in that span of time. Publishing houses employed a staff of editors, proofreaders, and fact-checkers to guarantee the accuracy of their books. More or less.

I wrote my second book, as I did the first, in collaboration with a physician. In addition to recipes for a healthy lifestyle, it contained a myriad of scientific information for the consumer. Think many numbers, kilograms, Grams, milligrams, etc. We went over that book until we were blind, checking numbers. At least seven people read the manuscript and checked our data.

We had a highly-regarded publisher known for publishing quality books and a top-notch editor (who sadly died just before publication-RIP Jackie Killeen). I would have staked my life that we had no errors in that book. Jackie schooled me otherwise.

“Helen,” she said in her raspy voice, “steel yourself. You will go into a bookstore (in the days before Amazon), and pull a book off the shelf. I guarantee you will open to a typo. Every book has a typo.”

I wouldn’t have believed her until we got a letter from a medical professional telling us how much she loved the book, but we had used milligrams instead of Grams in one of our chapters.

Arghhhh! As Charlie Brown used to say when Lucy pulled the football.

And Jackie was right. I find typos in just about every book I read.

A few things about typos and proofreading before I get to my main point. The world has changed since I had my go-around with traditional publishing. In the old days, publishers had a staff to go over every book. Now, it’s very limited. Many writers have to do that on their own.

An ability to proofread professionally is a function of the brain, in my humble opinion. So many of us have little ticks that transpose numbers and read missing words to complete a sentence without being diagnosed as learning disabled.

This means you shouldn’t hand your manuscript to your cousin, who offers to proof your book for free just to save money. Maybe your cousin is a good speller, but how do you know she has the kind of brain that catches every error?

Typos aren’t a sign of stupidity. Writers who publish a story with a misspelled word know how to spell. Their brains just aren’t in sync with their fingers and eyes. Hence they need editors and proofreaders. Even if they are editors themselves.

We can see other people’s mistakes before our own because we know what’s coming in our stories, and our brains gloss over the mistakes. A fresh set of eyes doesn’t and catches things.

Okay, so I hope I’ve made my point that everyone makes mistakes, and typos show up everywhere. Writers hate them. Especially my client who was almost in tears this morning because someone left a cruel message about typos in a review of her new book.

Let’s get on to why someone feels the need to skin a writer alive because she left out a comma or a word in a sentence, or heaven forbid, misspelled a word.

Back when my error was discovered, the reader had to write an actual letter on a piece of stationery, by hand, put it in an envelope, add a stamp, and find a mailbox. She did this because she, too, was a medical professional and wanted to alert us, in the nicest possible way, as I recall, to an error we would want to address.

These days, you can just log on to your favorite social media site and rip someone a new one just because you’re having a bad day. What difference does it make to a reader if she reduces a writer’s months-long or even years’-long effort to create a beautiful piece of work to a snarky comment about a misspelled word? A reviewer, I might add, who would shrink from exposing herself to the kind of public scrutiny that requires a writer to build walls, literally or figuratively, to protect herself from such trolling.

I’ve been the recipient of these “reviews” enough times that I’ve developed my own attitude about them. My epiphany came when I wrote a diet book about soup. A reader left a one-star review (which seriously damages sales, by the way) to tell me that she’d rather chew her food. Direct quote, you can look it up.

So why did she buy a book with soup in the title? A question for the ages.

But it turned my head around about snarky reviews about typos and other examples of human error.

Where else would the self-righteous go for a sense of self on the spur of the moment? Perhaps the boss is reaming them a new one. The spouse has come up with a dodgy excuse for some late hours, and the kids are, well fill in the blanks. We all know about kids.

So for a quick boost for the ego, why not go on Amazon and trash someone’s reputation? Show that writer with 100k fans known for her mastery of deep point of view and rich characterizations what a bozo she really is. Write 500 well-chosen words on the difference between rain and reign and remind her that’s she writing a fantasy romance, bia-tch, about warring royal families. Duh!!?&&!!!!!!

Be sure to use lots of punctuation to get her attention.

When you’ve got all your vitriol out of your system, you can give thanks for such careless writers.

Realize that they are God’s gift to you, sent from on high to make you feel good about yourself. Because where else can you get such a cathartic experience for $2.99? Unless you scored a free copy in a promotion.

Thank God it wasn’t the old days when you had to fork over $25 for a book. And you couldn’t even complain to the world when you found a typo. God, how did we survive those dark ages?

Okay, I get it. I’ve got an inner asshole, just like you. Well, maybe not you, but definitely the guy sitting next to you in the cafe. I understand how sometimes it just makes you see red when you turn yourself inside out to produce a perfect report at work, and then you read an article or a novel that appears sloppy and half-cooked.

So, yeah, you want to ream out the jerk posting drivel on Medium or these simple-minded space operas you could probably turn out in your sleep if you just had time to sit down for two minutes. What’s the harm?

And if you’re really having a bad day, rub your hands together and hiss a little heh heh heh as you imagine the writer on the other end of the spectrum. She’s flaying herself with the sword of perfectionism for having exposed her total inadequacy as a human being for not catching the typo in the first place.

You know what they say, everything happens for a reason. So judge not too harshly the typo-rich tomes. They serve a purpose if only to make you see your exalted place in the firmament, catcher of typos. And won’t that look great on your headstone.

And for the typos you catch in this article, I put them there deliberately just to make you feel as superior as I know you are to this humble writer.