Voices of Purpose #7: June
By: Serena Jamison
Tags: Transgender, Voices Of Purpose, Journey

“Hello June!” I greet my latest guest. June gives me a small wave and smile. “I’m really glad to see you today! How are you and what are you up to?

“I’m pretty good,” June responds. “I’m settling into my new routine three months after moving across the country… and four months after ending a six and a half year relationship.” She pauses a second to reflect on her statement. “As to what I’m up to? Mostly just working. I did have the most relaxing Thanksgiving I can remember just sitting around the apartment alone! I’ve also been talking to this girl I met online.”

I say, “All of that sounds amazing. I am glad that it seems like you’re finding much more peace in life.” I offer a warm smile. “I’d love for you to talk about this aspect of peace. It sounds like you’ve dealt with so much…when we talked before as well it felt like you were just able to spread out and ‘be June’ for the first time.” I see her nod as I resume, “How has this move been for you? Any regrets that were left behind? What positives have you found following this huge change?

June laughs ruefully. “Getting into the deep end already?” she jokes. “It has been freeing, uplifting, but also tumultuous. I left everything and everyone I know behind to find the new beginning that I desperately needed.” She gives me a half-smile as she goes on, “I do finally have the space to just be me and that has changed my life immeasurably. I no longer have to worry about my neighbors or other people that knew me from before being judgmental.”

“I am still figuring myself out to be honest,” June reflects. “I had been with the same person for four years before I transitioned and their judgmental attitude severely hampered my journey of self-exploration and actualization. Any time I tried to deviate from what was known or expected it was met with resistance. I also left behind all the friends that stuck with me through the years who accepted and supported me when I came out.” She shakes her head sadly. “That’s the worst thing about moving, especially considering the current situation and how that has complicated making new friends.”

“This whole situation has been challenging,” I observe. “I can certainly see how moving and quarantine has hampered your ability to find socialization. In quarantine, have you found other areas to focus on?”

“Mostly I’ve been focusing on work and trying to move up in the company. When I’m not working I’m usually napping, talking to friends on Discord, or playing video games with my roommate.” June replies.

“I am really glad that I was able to make it up to visit a few weeks ago then! It was a happy break in your routine,” I remark. I take a couple seconds to think and say, “I’d love for you to talk about your friends in the South. I’m really happy to hear that you had some success in being out and social with others, I’d delight in people knowing that there is support in so many places.”

June thinks and responds, “As for my friends from back in Alabama. I never really fit in with the majority of people living in the South. The few people I’ve called friend over the years have been similarly outcast and open-minded. Once I came out I started to become active in the local LGBT+ community and found a whole host of warm and welcoming people from all walks of life. I still ‘see’ them occasionally thanks to Zoom meetings. I don’t think I would’ve made it this far without their support and acceptance.

June takes a deep breath and exhales. “The choice to leave them all behind was difficult. I still miss them. It was paradoxical that for the first few weeks I was here I felt homesick even though I had desperately wanted to leave the south for as long as I can remember.”

“Oh, June, that sounds really sad but really happy… the very definition of “bittersweet”,” I state. “Your friends, were they the same way… kinda wanting to leave but not really in a good position to do so?”

“Some of them probably would love to get out and some of them have. I still keep in touch with them through Facebook. Others are dedicated to staying there and making a difference for all minorites, LGBT and racial. I hope once the pandemic is “over” I can get involved with people here fighting for social justice and equality.” June’s eyes show with her determination.

I ask, “So what does involvement look like for you where you’re at?”

“Right now?” June muses. “Mostly talking to people online and trying to support them in their struggles. In the future, I’d love to go to marches and protests. I found a local group for trans people in the Madison area on Facebook and hope to be active with them in the future. I’m sure there are other ways I can help and I’ll look for people that can point me in the right direction,” she concludes.

“That sounds really positive June!” “So how is work going as far as moving up? Running into challenges or victories?”

“I’m really happy because I was able to receive my promotion!” June celebrates. “I’d just been trying to demonstrate that I’m dependable and capable. I interviewed for shift supervisor last week and that went well. The two supervisors I work with in the morning are rooting for me to do a great job. Previously I was just doing what I always was by showing up early, working hard, and trying to make it a positive atmosphere for everyone. It may sound silly but a smile and a cup of coffee has the potential to change someone’s day. Especially in the current situation. I may be the only person some of my customers interact with on a daily basis and I always strive to make a positive impact when I can.”

“Well, I’m definitely proud of you for making the service industry into a career. It deserves to be a career and you have a beautiful attitude and willingness to help others.” I tell her.

“I’d like it to be my career but who knows where life will take me,” June says. “They have very inclusive policies and amazing benefits, which makes me want to stay.” She considers for a second and observes, “Helping others is most fulfilling though some people make that difficult at times

I chuckle at her statement. “Yeah, it feels like their job. And there are times that I just don’t have the patience for it. I’m definitely in awe of your ability to keep that patience.”

She replies with a small chortle, “People try my patience daily to be honest!”

“Yet you not only keep coming back, but you want to turn this into a thriving and vibrant career. You are a devil and iconoclast and an angel all rolled into one, June.”

June gives me one of her patented huge smiles.

“And reaching back towards the beginning, you finally have the space to explore this devil-slash- iconoclast-slash-angel self of yours and develop it to the fullest. How has that been going? Are you enjoying this experimental phase?

June’s smile continues its brilliance. “It’s been nice but frustrating since I spend most of my time working or at home for obvious reasons. But most of my journey has been through introspection. I have been trying to explore my personal style more since I’m free of the anxiety of running into people that knew me from before I transitioned but don’t know or aren’t accepting.” June contemplates for a second. “That has been the most important aspect of moving. It’s absolutely amazing to be surrounded by people that only know June.”

“I recall that in older times it would be needful for transgender folks to literally move to where they weren’t known for their safety and their continued transition. Of all the people that I’ve had the ability to meet, it feels like you are the closest to this experience,” I describe. “I realize though that this comes with the challenge you named above of not being able to see your former friends… except in this day and age it’s possible. Even if you can’t quite hug them or shake their hands, you can at least see them. So, how has it been, being able to live without having to explain yourself to others so many times?

“Well, we all explain ourselves to others in some way though our interactions with them. It isn’t really a safety issue… more just peace of mind.” She folds her hands in her lap, straightens, and takes a deep breath before going on. “Being free of the preconceived notions of the people that knew me from before has made just being myself easier. Sometimes it’s hard to not give in to the pressure of those expectations when you’re surrounded by people that have known the role you assumed in an attempt to be what they perceived you to be before you realized who you actually are.” June smiles as she finishes, “I think this is true for everyone not just trans people”

Thank you for your deep and thought-provoking concepts!” I say to her. “I am amazed at your willingness to be patient and think through these things.”

“Honestly I wasn’t very patient before I transitioned… or not nearly as patient,” June mentions.

“‘Not patient’,” I chuckle. “I was the exact opposite. I was practically inert. I was in such a fog and stupor sometimes that it felt that the only thing I could give was time, because I couldn’t be bothered to care.”

“Don’t confuse apathy for patients,” June corrects me. “I made that mistake” She looks me in the eyes as she continues, “I was apathetic about everything before I figured out the truth. Life was just a chore that had to be done and I put as little effort in as possible. People told me I was patient but… like you… I just couldn’t be bothered to care.”

“And this is why we have transition,” I reply to her. “So that we come to a better place. Physically, mentally, socially, and motivationally.”

“Very true,” she agrees. “This is something that I have found to be very profound and I recommend to a lot of people, Hunter S. Thompson’s letter to Hume Logan.” She looks thoughtful and then says, “Change is difficult even when it’s for the better. We are very much creatures of habit.”

“Thank you!” I respond. “Sometimes it’s just a reflection that this stuff is hard, especially since the path itself isn’t easy.” I take a deep breath myself. “And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Finding what is needed to obtain a good steady-state. Not even just happiness, but the absence of negativity…”

June smiles. “Honestly I don’t think there can be an end-all be-all. It is all just part of the journey.”

“I am very grateful that you took the time to talk with me today June,” I say to her.

She laughs happily. “I am always willing to offer an ear.”

“And thank you as well for joining us to talk with June, another voice of purpose. Her story, as well as your story, is important. Please contact me at @SerenaNoelle_ via Twitter or on Discord at Serena#7329 if you’d like to talk about your journey too. I hope that you have found pieces of yourself in the images that others have expressed, and that you’re able to continue working to uncover your best self!”

Thompson’s Letter: https://fs.blog/2014/05/hunter-s-thompson-to-hume-logan/

images public domain, published by keywest3, desertrose7 via pixabay.com