Discovering yourself in Japan.
By: Yuko Sano
Tags: Japanese Culture, Culture, Japan, Culture Change, Japanese

Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

I was talking to this American in his 50s living in Japan for 20 years the other day. He teaches philosophy in Tokyo at an international school for kids with rich parents. He loves his job, and I could see how meaningful it was for him and his students to have these opportunities here in Tokyo to think deeply instead of memorizing everything like a robot as kids are forced to do in other classes. Great pleasure to hear.

At one point, I talked about this Japanese habits of asking for excuses in every occasion as a form of politeness. I wasn’t criticizing Japanese culture, I was simply depicting, describing, a form of politeness that could differ in every culture.

Then he goes ; “I know! That’s why I’m telling my students to mean something when they say they are sorry.”

That was where I kind of started to wonder for a moment — but wait, wouldn’t that be like forcing some kind of cultural behavior in a way?

I mean, apologizing for everything is not conceived as “good” in “Western” culture, as it wouldn’t mean anything if they do that all the time. As a Japanese having lived in the U.S. and in France, I know, and I get that. It’s very important for kids to learn to mean what they say.

But the circumstances of how we came up to the subject was this : when I was a kid, I used to wonder why samouraï had this weird hair style called “tchon-magué”. Maybe you’ve seen them in some films I guess, this half-boldly-shaved head on the center with the rest of the hair tied up on the top.

Then as I grew up, I kind of understood that it was a way of showing respect to their boss, like senior samouraïs who could be bold by their age, by pre-shaving their hair of the top even when you are young and have healthy hair.

French people of socially higher rank in the past did rather the opposite (or the same, in a way); they put the wigs. Okay, it wasn’t only for hiding their boldness, it was a fashion and maybe also to hide their smell as well besides using perfumes, but it still shows a cultural contrast in a way.

To put this straight, I simply want to say here that the vector of how to demonstrate the politeness was opposite in France and Japan : either you put yourself lower as a sign of politeness to show your interlocutor you honor him/her, or you can simply put your interlocutor in a higher manner by showing respects to him/her.

If apologizing means “Hi, I just wanna be nice with you” in Japan, and if you live in Japan, why not understand it and accept the way it is as a social code?

Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

The reason why I raise this question is because it’s what I kept questioning myself when I was in France or in the U.S. To what extent you explain yourself (still editing here.)

Please don’t get me wrong, I love this guy. Though there are so many things that you can feel upset with in everyday life in Japan, he is one of the most precious and rare friends of mine who understand what it feels to live in this archipelago after getting to know other forms of values in other countries. Talking to him gives me adrenaline and it’s as if you have five or more things coming to your head at a time, and you simply don’t have enough time to talk about everything that comes to your mind. It’s awesome.

I’m simply trying to figure out by writing this, what would be “fair” or what it would be, to feel the difference but still remain respectful to the culture you live in, simply trying not to let go the small wonder I had at that very moment. Just trying to discover myself as a Japanese in-between.