When Life Feels Out of Control, Run
By: Meg Haynes
Tags: Self, Mental Health, Health, Life Lessons, Life

One day during lunch, Boy came in, ready to chat. “Mrs. Hayyyyynes, oh my God. Ha! I gotta tell you something.” He pulled up a chair at my desk.

“Ok, so you know that girl I told you was my girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, she’s not actually my girlfriend. We have just been acting like it to make her guy jealous.”

“Haha, ok.”

“And my girlfriend’s friend told me to stop it because I already have a girlfriend.”

“Well, yeah, that makes sense.”

“I know, right? I should’ve listened.”

“Well her friend and me, we ride the same bus. And she was getting mad at me and she told me if I didn’t stop she was gonna tell my girlfriend.”

“Sounds like she was serious.”

“I KNOW! Anyway, the girl I had been pretending with asked me to sit with her at lunch because her boyfriend was getting mad at her.”

“And she wanted that?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Haynes. Keep up.”

“I got it. Keep going.”

“Anyway, I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but this girl wanted my help! So I was like, aight, I’ll sit with you.

“And so that’s what I did. I sat with her. And as I was sitting with her, I saw my girlfriend’s friend, and I was like, ‘Oh shoot!” (Except, he said the real word.)

“Boy!”

“Oh my bad, my bad. I saw her, and I was like ‘Oh shoot!’ (this time, it was actually ‘shoot’). I didn’t know she had this lunch!

“And she is facing me, talking to someone whose back is toward me, and she locks eyessss on me, Mrs. Hayyynes.”

“Yikes.”

“And that’s not it! She then nods at me and the girl she was talking with turns around. And it’s my girlfriend! And I’m like, SHE GOES TO THIS SCHOOL?!”

“You didn’t know your girlfriend went to this school?”

“No! How was I supposed to know that?” Before I could explain to him that usually one of the first questions you ask your love interest is where they go to school if you, in fact, did not meet them at school, Boy continues. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Mrs. Haynes! I gotta GO! I am running away! You may not see me next block.” As he’s getting louder and speaking faster, he stands up, and to my surprise, puts his chair back. “I got to GO. Got to RUN!” He slaps the door frame and runs out.

Heart stomping, thoughts swirling, pits sweating situations

Most of us left behind the out-of-whack hormones and romantic confusion (also known as comedies) when we graduated high school. Poor Boy still has a few years to go.

Unfortunately, if he’s anything like me, those situations that welcome a kaleidoscope of butterflies inside his stomach may shift in context, but they will keep coming long after he graduates. And I believe many would agree with me.

Stories of high school students withstanding the idiosyncrasies of adolescence amuse us. This is partly due to the fact that many of us can still relate as adults. We may no longer sympathize with the situations, but many of us understand heart stomping, thoughts swirling, and pits sweating reactions to uncomfortable circumstances. These responses to stress are physical expressions known as fight or flight.

The high school stories are also funny because they are simultaneously so juvenile. We think, that silly little thing caused all of that inner chaos?

We run households. We work full-time jobs while making sure our children are participating in their virtual learning. We have coworkers and bosses with whom we frequently disagree. We have clients who believe they own us the moment they start paying our bosses.

Good gracious, those are the things that can make a person want to get the heck out of here!

We want to run

The uptick in adrenaline that follows these stressful situations is a natural phenomenon. It evolved in humans to keep us alive and out of danger. Unlike the cavemen who bore fight or flight, in modern-day society, we cannot run away every time we find ourselves in undesirable situations.

Boy could not switch schools though the thought of confronting his love life mortified him. Adults today cannot leave their homes or quit their jobs every time mirky situations appear.

Running away, except in truly dire situations, is typically unacceptable.

Or, is it?

Don’t escape. Do run.

Because teen’s brains are still developing, it would be unfair to expect them to approach anything with a clear mind. (Not to mention, it would take away from our comic relief!) They have so many things going on developmentally that affect their decision-making skills.

However, those of us who are older, wiser, more responsible… Well, at least older with fully developed brains and more fragile responsibilities, we can take steps to better address our anxious situations.

It turns out, our bodies are right to tell us to run. Sometimes we perceive this to mean escape. However, if we let go of the notion of escaping, and instead interpret it as physically running, then we will be able to confront the situation with a calm body and a clear mind.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, “participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem.”

Think about the last time life started whirling out of control. Did your mind race and your heart flutter? I bet, at that moment, you would give anything to address the situation with calmness, clarity, and confidence.

Instead of yelling at yourself like Edna Mode to Mr. Incredible (“Pull yourself togetha!”), listen to your body: run. But not in the figurative sense, literally run.

Once you have finished running, return to the problem. See if that circumstance is as intimidating as you initially thought. Science says you should be calmer, have a clearer mind, and feel more confident.

Does that stress you out?

You may be thinking, “Um, excuse me? I can’t just up-and-leave for an extended period every time I’m stressed out.”

I get it. You have responsibilities!

In a study that measured the reactivity of anxiety after being confronted with stressors, those who participated in physical activity were calmer than those who did not. Interestingly, when underactive participants were asked to exercise, they reacted with the least negative effects when the stressor was closer to the time that they exercised. Whereas consistently active participants had low negative effects to the stressors as long as they exercised that day.

Though Quarantine may add some flexibility to our schedules, most adults cannot get up and go for a run the moment our bodies tell us to flee. So, we cannot time it in a way to be like the first group of underactive participants. We can, however, join the second group.

Create routines that encourage physical activity every day

In order to join the second group, we need to create routines that encourage physical activity (nearly) every day. I prefer running because it gets me outside, it is free, and it literally works my butt off. I do not have any children yet, but I will most definitely purchase a jogging stroller the moment I become pregnant.

However, running is not everyone’s cup of tea. Here is the good news: any form of aerobic exercise on a regular basis will produce similar results.

If Quarantine has brought us one good thing, it would be the plethora of online fitness instructors. Open Youtube or Instagram and search HIIT (it stands for high-intensity interval training). Zillions of personal trainers pop up with free, at home, zero equipment workout videos. (Of course, there are links to where you can pay money for even better workouts).

Some of these workouts last as little as ten minutes. Everyone has ten minutes to spare in their day, even if that means waking up ten minutes earlier. In fact, ten minutes of aerobic exercise will fight fatigue and stress much better than the extra sleep.

Let boy ring in your ear

Sure, you will still encounter stressful situations that will make you wish your predicament involved pretending to date someone only to realize your girlfriend was watching.

But if you focus on yourself and maintain healthy habits, you will be far better prepared to handle whatever chaos you encounter. So, here is to letting Boy ring in our ears: I have GOT TO RUN!