The Wine Rule
By: John Tarantino
Tags: Wine

I take a lot of meetings, both personally and professionally as the founder of the watch company Martenero. There’s no set format — meetings can be in an office, cafe, bar, or just walking through the city. Anywhere really. They can be highly structured or off the cuff, goal-oriented or purely exploratory. As a whole, there’s very little consistency, which works so well because every person and every situation is unique. But there’s one not so little thing that is alarmingly consistent — people are always late, and they don’t think that it’s a big deal. They arrive 10, 15, even 30 minutes late, say that they are ‘sorry’ and ‘so busy’ and then look to me for empathy. They think that a disingenuous sorry makes everything okay. Well, it doesn’t. You disrespected me and my time, and you owe me more than a sorry. You owe me wine.

THE RULES

For these offenders I have created The Wine Rule. It’s quite simple and effective. Full set of rules below:

1) If you agree to meet me at a certain time, I will make every effort to be on time and I expect you to do the same.

2) There is a five minute grace period. I’m happy to consider a few minutes late as being ‘on time’.

3) If either party is more than five minutes late, that party owes the other a bottle of wine (nothing fancy; a drinkable $12 bottle will do).

4) Wine must be delivered within one week, or there are additional penalties.

5) I will enforce the rule with no exceptions.

WHY I DO THIS

I see two major reasons why chronic lateness is a big deal:

It’s Disrespectful

All of us have limited time on our hands, and I don’t think there’s a single person that doesn’t have better things to do than simply wait for someone else who can’t follow their own schedule.

You’re forcing someone to adapt to your own schedule rather than respecting both of your schedules. Whether you realize it or not, you’re sending the message that your time is more valuable than the other person’s. It’s not, and this is narcissism. Stop it.

It Likely Encourages Sloppiness In Other Parts of One’s Life

I don’t believe that actions exist in a vacuum. If you don’t do something as simple and fundamental as abiding by your own schedule, think about what else you could be mismanaging in your life:

What person close to you have you neglected contacting?

What project at work or on the side do you keep putting off?

What hobby do you always think about pursuing but (realistically, at the current pace) never will?

Begin by respecting both your own and other peoples’ schedules, and I would bet that that would carry over positively to other areas of your life.

THE REACTION

When I first tell people about the wine rule, I tend to get universal buy-in. They love the idea, agree that ‘everyone else’ is chronically late, and tell me how they have the same problem.

But when that person is late and I actually enforce the rule (see rule #5), people freak out. They are inevitably surprised that I enforce the rule, genuinely believe that they should be an exception to the rule, and that this one lateness was ‘different’ because they have ‘so much going on’. More than one person has begged not to have to pay up.

I’m constantly amazed at this reaction. You see, I don’t buy your excuses and I don’t care anyway. No, this time isn’t different, you’re not special, and you’re going to give me that bottle of wine because that’s what we agreed to.

THE AFTERMATH

Usually people get so annoyed after buying a bottle of wine or two that they are never late afterwards. There’s just something about this little gesture that people find so irritating, and avoiding these negative feelings becomes the prime motivator. This is a little piece of fascinating human psychology I’ve stumbled upon — how people can be so motivated not by any sense of enjoyment or fulfillment but rather by avoiding negative feelings or shame. Perhaps something worth exploring more deeply in the future.

After I created The Wine Rule everyone’s punctuality improved remarkably, and an aura of fun even developed around the whole thing. It’s become a joke, a friendly competition to see who can be on time the most. Not something I would have guessed was possible.

So the next time someone is late to meet you, and they offer you a dismissive ‘sorry’ which they clearly don’t mean, my advice is this: Smile, and utter those beautiful words: You owe me a bottle of wine.

Special thanks to Zeba Khan (accountability) and Matt O’Dowd (inspiration). Additional thanks to John Reineck and Greg Spielberg. And apologies to Alanna Gregory for that one time when I was one hour late.