I Quit Giving Likes on Facebook and Gave Them to Myself
By: Sharon Alger
Tags: Mental Health, Relationships, Social Media, Culture, Digital Life

Why I quit Facebook

There was one reason you’ve no doubt heard before: I didn’t trust Zuckerberg. I didn’t trust his handling of data and user’s private information. I hated Facebook’s policies and poor handling of abuse towards marginalized groups. I didn’t like the constant stream of adverts and the manipulative nature of the algorithm.

But it was more than that. What started as a fun, efficient way to catch up with people I knew all over the world, had changed, and not for the better. I had begun using Facebook as my sole source of news. I followed newspapers I liked, and that was how I kept up to date. I followed activists I was passionate about and learned so much from them.

Over time, with the world sharing their opinions in this one place, it became a more aggressive place. I became a more aggressive person, making sure the world always knew my opinion, too.

I didn’t like my behavior on Facebook. I didn’t like other people’s behavior, either. But it became so natural. It was so normal for people to treat each other like this. Often, I reflected on how I’d acted on Facebook, afterward. Many times, I felt remorse, embarrassed. I couldn’t believe I was an adult, devolving in this way. I began to dislike myself. It wasn’t long until felt genuine hate for myself.

At the end of my time on Facebook, I noticed my interactions with other people were becoming less and less. I felt more hesitant to engage with others, and people talked less to me, too.

I began to believe it was because no one liked me. I tend to give myself analysis paralysis when it comes to holding myself accountable. So, when I started believing people didn’t like me anymore, I became introspective. ‘Of course, they don’t like me. Why would they? Look at how I get into arguments all the time! Maybe if I stopped acting so stupid and behaving like a child, people wouldn’t think I’m such a b*tch.’

Ouch. But, to be fair, it wasn’t just my behavior that had me feeling like human garbage. My friends list shared their opinions on things, too, which were often bitter truths to swallow. I learned who looked down on welfare recipients. My partner is on the disability pension and I’m on the carer’s pension. I’ll leave you to connect the dots of how reading something like that affected me. It wasn’t just that I felt people didn’t like me. I felt like they didn’t respect me. Did they believe my partner and I are lazy and rorting the system, too? I concluded they must. I read comments like this from my friends and acquaintances many times, over the span of years. It made me feel down on myself, and I liked those people less.

This sort of opinion sharing doesn’t stay within the confines of Facebook, either. If you know how someone really feels, how does that work when you bump into them down the street? Do you walk up to them and have a chat for five minutes? Or do you try to cross the street before they see you? If you must, you say hello through gritted teeth. You seeth in the knowledge of their opinion of you, the one they’d never say when they’re standing in front of you.

‘This is the person who thinks they’re hard-working, you’re lazy, and they resent their taxes paying for you.’

These thoughts tormented me as I stood face to face with people.

‘This person thinks your parenting methods are inferior to theirs.’

‘This person is transphobic and homophobic.’

This was my brain under the influence of Facebook, as I went about my daily interactions with others.