7 Reasons Why Writers Make the Best Lovers
By: Ms. Part Time Wino
Tags: Writers On Writing, Humor, Sexuality, Writing, Dating

Have you ever flipped to the back cover of a book just to admire the author’s bio? Of course, you have.

Writers are some of the sexiest creatures to ever grace the surface of our planet. Not only are we incredibly talented, but we have the ability to capture your attention for hours on end, leaving you smiling, crying, or shaking your knees in anticipation.

So it should come as no surprise that writers also happen to make the best lovers.

1. We have a keen eye for detail

Unlike our fellow non-writer brothers and sisters, we have an acute sense for the smallest details. After all, we’re tasked with remembering every single feature, component, and element for all our stories and characters. We know exactly who “has luscious blond locks like the morning sun” or who “can flutter around the room like a delicate butterfly emerging from her cocoon.”

So obviously, we remember how you like to be fucked.

Gentle nibbles on your right earlobe? Tell us no more.

Subtle scratches down the spine of your back with our nails? We know that too.

A slice of pizza post-coitus? Baby, it’s already heating up in the oven.

2. We have passion flowing out of every pore

Boring just doesn’t suit a writer. We are passionate beings that seek out inspiration in everything we do.

No one wants to read a lifeless story, so why would anyone want to have sex with a lifeless lover? Our thoughts exactly.

Every single part of us is constantly on the lookout for new feelings, new emotions, and above all else, new experiences. And luckily for you, that carnal craving for passion always follows us into the bedroom.

If we can’t make your toes curl or your eyes roll back into your skull, then we aren’t doing our job right.

3. We’re good with our hands

Trust us — being able to type 90+ words a minute gives us the ability to diddle your genitals in ways you never thought possible.

4. We love adventure

Our imaginations are almost as uncontrollable as our sexual urges. And that’s why we don’t mind stepping outside of our comfort zone to try out that new vibrator or to give that new leather whip a few cracks. In fact, we love experimenting with new things in and out of the bedroom.

It’s inherently ingrained in a writer to play around with different topics, characters, and storylines, so we aren’t afraid of dipping our toes into the sexual unknown.

To some people, we can be a little too adventurous. But in our minds, if you aren’t living on the edge, then you don’t have a life that’s worth living.

5. We pay attention to our surroundings

When it comes to storytelling, setting up the plot is almost as important as the story itself. Writers have a firm grasp on what it takes to get those juices flowing and can easily set the scene to make their partners feel comfortable and relaxed.

From the flickering candles to the oiled back massages, writers are professionals at crafting the perfect atmosphere for a sexual rendevous. And if you happen to be more of the back-alley-by-the-dumpster lover, don’t worry your little heart out. We’re equally prepared for that too.

6. We’re great communicators

Because duh — that’s our job.

To a writer, communicating with another person comes second nature. We aren’t shy about asking for what we want, whether it’s to be spanked on our booties or slapped on our titties.

Communication is one of our most powerful tools, and words are our most valuable assets.

If we can make a scene about a grain of sand stretch out to three pages, then we can easily share our feelings beyond a few simple head nods or shoulder shrugs.

7. We’re ridiculously attractive

It should go without saying, but yeah, writers are incredibly attractive. Not only do we wear those adorable thick-framed glasses, but we also have perfected the art of the messy hairdo.

We’re scrappy-chic — but in a way where we look completely flawless. You won’t know whether we woke up like this or spent three hours in front of the mirror primping for your visit.