Why Crushing Your Stats Won’t Make You Happy
By: Itxy Lopez
Tags: Success, Personal Development, Self, Advice, Happiness

In times where online action is quantifiable, we often evaluate our days and worth by the stats on social media. Without knowing it, these are the types of goals we set for ourselves. To get:

200 likes on an Instagram picture.

1,000 followers in one month.

100 retweets.

10,000 views.

We want recognition, high numbers, and for people to love us. But why do we so badly want acknowledgment from a bunch of strangers on Instagram? Because high numbers validate us and make us feel good and worthy. They also give us status.

We go from “bottom” to “top” because we associate higher numbers with popularity, just like in elementary school. The more friends you had, the cooler you were.

Stats and status — this is what we think gives us value.

Everyone has a reason why they want to be popular. Online creators, for instance, say it’s because they want to help people. If that was the case, they’d be satisfied with the 100 followers they have now, but they aren’t because they don’t see the numbers as people. There aren’t faces and lives associated with them. They’re a statistic.

If we did remember that the numbers represent people, we would be okay with a hundred followers. Think about it this way: Would you ever want a hundred people in your home? Of course not. Why? Because it’s a lot of people.

You just want to feel like you’re good enough. But think about how heartbreaking that is — we can’t find worth within ourselves.

We seek it from a bunch of statistics.

It’s worse than seeking validation from other people.

Have you ever thought about why you say you want to be friends with all of these famous singers, or the top writers in your space, or the artists on Instagram with over 100,000 followers? It’s not because you truly care about them, it’s because they’ve got status attached to them that would make you feel valuable.

The other day I was watching an interview with the cast of The Haunting of Bly Manor, but I wasn’t paying much attention because I just kept thinking, “What makes these people more valuable than me? And why do I wish I were in their place?”

We think our entire lives would change, we think we’d be happy, only if we had their status. The truth is that no celebrity has more value than you. They didn’t get to where they are because they’re more special. They earned their spot because they chose a career that just happens to be in the spotlight, and they worked their asses off to get there. But we’re all the same.

They might get to go to award shows and look stunning and have millions of social media followers, but if you were to strip all of that away, they would be like you and me. We think we have to be these certain types of people, look a certain way, and have a certain number attached to us to be worth something.

Even the people who seem to have everything want more.

Just think about the famous YouTubers with millions of subscribers who use clickbait to lure people because what do they want? More subscribers.

We’re never satisfied. It’s a common problem for most people. Hell, there are others who look at us and think, “Why do they want more? They already have everything.”

I used to believe that if I made it to 1,000 followers, I would be legit on this platform. I would mean something. But when I got to a thousand, I thought, “Maybe when I get to 2,000 followers.” Then I got to 2,000, and I realized that it didn’t matter which number I reached, I was always going to want more.

No number was going to make me enough because I’m already enough. So I stopped caring. Because what kind of life are you living if you’re constantly chasing something you can’t catch?

You need to reframe your thinking.

Stop thinking of people with lots of followers as more valuable than you. Stop thinking of celebrities as gods. Learn to see them as hardworking people who got their shot. Who stuck around and made it.

If you stick to whatever you’re pursuing, there’s a possibility you could make it to where they are, too. But now you know: it’s not going to make you happy. It’s not going to make you love yourself or make you feel popular. It won’t give you worth because you already have it.

Let the numbers grow on their own without you caring. Without letting them affect you in any way. Being self-aware of what you expect from numbers lets you put a line between your worth and the stats.

Would you ever tell your best friend that Ariana Grande or Gary Vaynerchuk has more worth because more people know their name? Of course not. So why would you think that about yourself?

Realize that you are worthy no matter what you do and don’t accomplish.

Whether you have 500 or 500,000 followers. Whether everyone knows your name or only your friends and family do. When you diminish your value because only your family knows your name, you diminish their value.

Don’t worry about growing your following — worry about improving and loving yourself. I don’t know whether you’ll touch thousands of lives, but I do know that you’re not any less worthy if you don’t.