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Topic (extracted from test 1, Cambridge IELTS 10) *It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?* ## punishment can be made if necessary It is believed that understanding the distinction between right and wrong is essential for children, in addition, punishing them is necessary if they make mistakes. Personally, I completely support this viewpoint. First, the ability to determine an issue is right or wrong is crucial for kids because it is one of the elements that make their personality. Once the personality is generated, it will be stable and hard to adjust. Therefore, helping the to distinguish between good and bad behaviors is essential. Furthermore, punishment is helpful in case that children behave badly due to the guilty feeling it provides. Unless they are able to self-correct their way of thinking, stricter punishments should be applied. In contrast, there are a lot of disagreements to this viewpoint. Most of the young adults think that children are still very young and punishments are unnecessary. To my mind, I believe that early age is the suitable period of time for a person to learn about morality, additionally, it is easier to train small children than teenagers and young adults. In the other hand, many people argue that a child will grow up eventually and he can learn themselves. As cited above, a person's character is stable once generated, and those children who are not trained about morality will be hard to fit in any community due to their lack of consciousness. Many kinds of punishments can be used by parents and teachers to teach young children. Among them, the best way that I can think of is that we should make them stay in their own room, let them think about what they did and decide if it is good or bad. Any violent punishment such as hitting by a stick or not allowing them to eat should not be applied because the merely influence badly on them In conclusion, I strongly agree with the viewpoint that the distinction between right and wrong should be taught to children and punishment can be made if necessary.

Mai, there are 4 elements that need to be represented in your opening statement. You neglected to mention that you will also be discussing what sort of punishment you believe should be given to children to help them learn right from wrong. A proper opening statement sample is as follows: *It is an accepted fact that children need to know when they are doing something right or something wrong. There is a strong belief that the lessons need to be reinforced with a punishment in order to help the children remember what they did wrong. In this essay, I will be discussing my opinion of the topic and what sort of punishment I believe is necessary to prevent the child from making the same mistake in the future.* It is important that you pay attention to fully developing your opening statement because this is the first scoring element of the essay. If you increase your score to the maximum in the task accuracy portion, you will be able to gain better consideration for any shortcomings that you may have in the other paragraphs. If you can prove that you understand the requirements of the essay, then the rest of the elements should be scored considerably better than if you had a low TA score. Do not indicate your position on the issue within the opening paragraph. Stating your position requires you to present a discussion explaining that stand. Which is why it is always advised that you place that opinion in a separate paragraph within the essay. The opinion paragraph is your chance to prove that you have the GRA to express yourself in English and also, be understood by others. Stating your position in the opening statement defeats that purpose. Always leave some time during the practice test to review and edit your essay. I saw a number of typographical errors and missing punctuation marks in your current work. That will cause a mark down on your part because you did not do well in the Grammar Accuracy range. Your conclusion is good, but should have been divided into at least 3 sentences in order to meet the minimum sentence requirement which also helps to increase the task accuracy score.

Hello, I need an evaluation of this writing essay Thanks in advance You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. ## Industrial, agricultural and domestic water usage The charts shown ilustrate the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. As the charts are showing three different types of water consuming- Industrial use, agricultural use. and Domestic use. The industrial use of water is quite high in both North America and Europe areas, with 48 percent and 53 percent respectivily, while the rest of the regions(areas) use less water for the industrial field. On the other hand, Central Asia, Africa, South East Asia, and South America are consuming water mostly on the agricultural field, with percentage above 71 from the total usage of water. However, for the Domestic use, we can see that in all the areas the usage is less than 20 percent with South America leading the domestic use of 19 percent, and the least percentage was for both South East Asia and Central Asia of 7 percent only. *

Abdul, your essay does not meet the required minimum word count of 150 words. You only wrote 149. Being short of the word count will have an adverse effect on your final scoring considerations There will be a mark down in every aspect related to the word count such as the Task Accuracy and Grammar Range. I strongly advice you to try and write a minimum of 3 sentences in every paragraph in order to at least be assured of meeting the minimum 150 word count for the Task 1 essay. Writing in the 3 sentence format also allows you to better develop your sentences from simple to slightly more complex. Even a slight improvement in your word presentation on the complex side will help to increase your lexical resource and GRA scores. Your overview outline is incomplete as it does not accurately outline the types of comparisons to be done in terms of the countries you will be evaluating. A complete overview summary always notes the important aspects for discussion and mentions it as part of the outline of the upcoming paragraphs. It is important that you also work harder on the analysis aspect of the images. Try to find some not so obvious information in the charts, as I saw a few, and present those as well. This is not a bad first attempt. However, you should show improvement in your next essay otherwise you may risk not being ready to take the test by the exam date. We will be here to assist you in your improvement. Keep practicing. We will help you get ready for the test.

............................................................................................................................................................ Please give me advices and score ............................................................................................................................................................ ## water consumption in Congo and Brazil Catch a glimpse at the two pictures provided, the line graph displays comparison of water usage in entire the world by three sectors over a period between 1900 and 2000, and the table compares the amount of water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000. It is clear that the total amount of water use worldwide considerably rose and the most dramatic climb was shown in agriculture sector. It is also can be seen that a much higher amount of Brazilians had consumed water in comparison with Congo. In 1900, the amount of global water usage in agriculture sector stood at about 500 km3. The figures for industrial and domestic were lower at around 50 km3. By 2000, agriculture use of water rose six times higher than the beginning, while industrial use and domestic use reached about 110 km3 and 400 km3 respectively. It is also noticeable that, all sectors simultaneously showed significant increase at 1950. For water consumption, Brazil which had over 30 times larger amount of population and size of irrigated land consumed 359 m3 per person, compared to 8 m3 of water consumption of Congo. *

Muhammad, when you write the outline summary of the discussion in the opening paragraph, make sure that you provide all necessary information from the images. Since there is a graph and a chart presented, each with specific information, that information should have been presented as part of your discussion outline. It should not be confusingly included in the body paragraphs. First state the complete information that you will be presenting so that people will know why it is relevant in the body of the essay. Since this is an academic essay, you are not supposed to use terms like "Catch a glimpse." That is informal wording. Instead say "Compare two images representing..." It would be best if your were consistent in your writing of the paragraphs. Like I keep saying, a better TA and GRA score can be achieved if you properly develop each paragraph with 3-5 sentences in each. This is a more accurate way of determining your complex writing ability and English comprehension skills, along with your lexical resources, provided you write within the required sentences and paragraphs mandate. Your paragraphs vary in length and since it is mostly short of the required number, then your final score may be affected. Your essay presentation is still a bit rough and can use improvement overall. You should get better over time. This is not something that happens overnight. So just keep practicing and we will keep reviewing your work for positive developments and points for improvement. For this essay though, I believe that you could be scored up to a 5 for this type of writing analysis.

............................................................................................................................................................ Please give me advices and score ............................................................................................................................................................ ## the percentage of Britons listening radio or watching tv The line graph of radio and television audiences in UK compares the trend of both in a whole day over the period between October and December 1992. The trend is percentage of people over age of 4 years. It is obviously clear that most of Britons were watching TV at around 8.00, while from 18.00 to 21.00 majority were listening radio. Accounting for around 7% at start of day, the percentage of Britons who watched TV remained the same, and at 11.00 it grew for 10 hours to about 16%. The trend reached a peak at night 20.00. At the midnight, number of audiences dramatically dropped. In contrast, although the percentage of radio audiences also remained the same but in lower percentage --just under 4%-- until 6.00, it sharply climbed to next 2 hours and stood at almost 26% which was a peak of trend of radio. Following that, the percentage declined until midnight, regardless on the evening it still been able to inclined at around 4%. *

Muhammad, while you did write more than the 150 word requirement of the essay, you did not effectively portray all of the information in the essay. You must also remember that this type of essay must be presented in a full 3 - 5 paragraph format. The most acceptable number of paragraphs is usually 4. All composed of 3-5 sentences each. The sentence requirement is to help you develop your grammar accuracy and presentation, which is a vital part of the scoring process. You were able to accurately represent the visual representations in the graph, but you did not do an analysis of the graph. How did I know that you did not do a visual analysis? There were certain points during the day, at 6.00 and 13.00 when the viewership of television and the listening audience of the radio overlapped. This means that during these times, the audience share of the two mediums were shared or equal in number. References to small, but important information like that indicate that you took the time to truly develop the content of your analysis. That means that your summary analysis and report is far more accurate and informative than the others that are presented for scoring. This will result in a higher consideration score for your essay in the end.

The following topic is from one website which is for practicing IELTS writtings **Many people believe that formal "pen and paper" examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.** ## exams and performance evaluation at school Everyone knows that most of examinations for certificates or tests in school are all done by pen and papers. However, I side with the view that to carry out the examinations which focus on professional practices is more important. Educational achievement is an essential step for the way to a workplace, so some tests is a proof of the experience in school and can show how much efforts you did for studying. Furthermore, the purpose of examinations in school is to make students acquire what they learn. Pen and paper examinations can not completely work it for the effect of learning because it is better to solve some solutions by actions and practices, not merely get the view or concept of knowledge. Learning needs doing by yourself, so that you can really get it. While others are against of my view, contending that only pen and paper examinations can evaluate the capabilities of students for specific tasks or subjects. It is evident that the scores show the degree and level of examinees and that's their ability. It is true that the more scores you get, the more your level is. However, scores can lie sometimes. Answers can be filled in by guessing, cribbing or any improper ways. Only practices and applications can really show examinees know about solutions and how well they can do. Overall, I firmly conceive that pen and paper examination is not the best approach to assess educational achievement.

Mia in your opening statement, the paraphrase is incomplete. It does not include a reference to the point of view regarding the pen and paper exams. You only have 2 sentences when the minimum requirement is 3 sentences. This indicates a missing element in your paraphrasing. Let me give you a sample of a proper paraphrase for this topic. The sample I will give you is the template by which you should develop your essay discussions from this point on. Regardless of the topic, these elements need to be represented: *There is a common belief that the formal "pen and paper" exam does not accurately assess the educational attainment of a student. In this essay, I will be offering an insight into this point of view. Additionally, I will be offering my own opinion regarding this topic.* The opening statement has to accomplish 3 things. It has to indicate: 1. What is the topic for discussion? 2. Why is this topic important to discuss? 3. How will it be discussed? The example above shows a properly developed paraphrased opening statement that clearly offers this insight in summarized form. No opinion must be given at the start because the justification for it requires a separate discussion. Thus, no opinions or direct answers are ever given in the paraphrased statement. However, an implied response is allowed. Your second paragraph is so confusing, that it will affect your GRA score in a highly negative manner. Try to express yourself in short, simple sentences for now. Even though your third paragraph is a bit more understandable, the confusing discussion in the second paragraph is what will affect the overall lexical resource, coherence and cohesiveness, and GRA score in this essay and not in a positive manner. The concluding statement does not properly wrap up the discussion. Again, the 3 sentence minimum requirement must be followed. It must represent: 1. The topic for discussion 2. The reasons discussed 3. A restatement of your personal opinion as the closing sentence.

*Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as Media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective. -Comics -Books -Radio -Television -Film -Theatre Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.* ## the most effective media types Television, comic and film are three common channels to convey information to the general public. Among them, movie is the most effective tool to communicate information. The advantages and disadvantages of the three media are illustrated in the following paragraphs. Each of the three aforementioned media has their own merits. Television's coverage is the widest among them. It is a free access to information as well as a traditional way for audience to receive news, especially the elderly's generation. Comic, which is a comparatively simple method to communicate information, usually contains a few blocks of picture. The delicacy of comic is that authors convey the subtle message with a few simple drawings which are easy to understand. In contrast, film is also very popular because people like story. The messages can be instilled into audience's minds with a series of scenes subconsciously. A coin has two sides. There are some constraints for these media. Although television has been the most successful medium in the past decade, its influence is declining due to people's prior preference of the Internet and wireless network which are more convenient than conventional television. The popularity of comic is limited by the amount of content. Owing to the length of ordinary comic, it can be funny and easy to understand but not affluent in content. Notwithstanding the attractiveness of casts and scenarios of film, the cost of seeing a movie is comparatively high among the three channels. Therefore, it may not be an available choice of media for people who are sensitive to price. In conclusion, film is the best way to distribute information as it is rich in content and attractive to the general public. (280 words)

Peter, your discussion has so many problems that I do not know where to begin. All of the problems your essay has connect to the fact that you are not discussing the essays in the proper one paragraph per topic manner. As this is a 5 paragraph essay, the format should have been as follows: 1. Paraphrase 2. First media discussion 3. Second Media Discussion 4. Third Media discussion / the most effective media discussion 5. Concluding paragraph You must also be aware that when you type the words, you need to spell it out properly otherwise you end up spelling a totally different word by definition. A "comic" means to "causing or meant to cause laughter." or is a "a comedian, especially a professional one.". While "comics" refer to comic strips. While a "comic" may also refer to a comic strip, the keyword used in the essay has the "s" at the end. Therefore, you should have typed it as such. Always spell the words and make sure that your keywords are referred to properly as presented in the original. Make sure that you never present your opinion or give a direct answer to the prompt in the paraphrasing because that is a violation of the writing rules for this test. The first paragraph should only summarize the original prompt. A sample format for the writing of this topic is as follows: *In this essay, I will be discussing the advantages and disadvantages of 3 forms of media in relation to information communication. The presentation will be based on the least effective to the most effective form. I will be supporting my choices with relevant examples from my personal experience or popular information. My first choice is television for the following reasons.... However, the disadvantage of television is.... My second choice... My preferred choice as the most effective media for communication is... To me, this is the most effective form even though it has disadvantages such as ... These do not affect its effectiveness as a communication tool. In the end, all 3 have their advantages and disadvantages...* The work that you did on this essay is not very good. It did not properly assess and represent the required discussion and you would not have gotten a very good score for this kind of work. I hope to see improvements to your work in the next essays. Take my suggestions into consideration with your next writing piece.

## gap of communication between generations Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case ? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. In this vast growing world, the adult people look like more strength and influence than young generations in the past. I will discuss the case and the effect on relationship between young adult and elder people. In a different parts of the world, the people who are born in this so called modern era are more likely to know many things faster than the people who born in a few decades ago, due to the fact that right now there are so many technologies which can provide information and data, or many devices which can help their everday life. In this case for example, at very young age, children when they want to play, are often been introduced to a gadget like a phone tablet, which is just after few times using that device, then they are be able to use them properly. Furthermore in another case,there is a 5 yrs old child is often search some explanation on the internet if he see or hear something from his parent, that will make them having more knowledge than a child on the few decades ago. The children who grow up with that often show more power and knowledge when they talk, the impact are when they face a situation which they have to confronted elderly people. When they use many popular languages when talk, the old people who may not understand to this new develop language often get some confusion and may lead to missunderstanding. In conclusion, if this kind of situation will continue, there might be some long connection gap of communication between young and old generation in the future. Please give me advices and IELTS score prediction

Perdana, I will be lenient here and score this a 5 based on the new IELTS Task 2 Scoring system. In the old system, this would have scored a 4. The reason that your score is not so high is because you have a problem expressing yourself coherently in English. It is tremendously difficult to keep track of what you are trying to say and you have grammatical and punctuation errors, such as the lack of full stops and the existence of run - on sentences, that severely affected the message of your essay. As such, I was left with no recourse but to mark you down for those errors crossing the 4 scoring considerations. More importantly, you made a severe mistake in the opening paraphrase which led me to realize that you have an understanding of the English language but have poor sentence development skills. Compare what you wrote in the prompt paraphrase to what I have written here, which is the correct version: *Young people today are perceived to have more power and influence these days than the older generations. While little is understood about why this happens, I will attempt to give an explanation for it in this essay. Additionally, I will analyze what sort of effect such a trend has on the relationship of the young and old generations existing in today's world.* In your version of the paraphrase, you said the older generation has more influence than the young, which is a reversal of what the original prompt provided. Hence, the mark down in your task accuracy score for that section. However, I considered the rest of the essay and saw that your discussion related to the original prompt so I decided to score it accordingly instead.

***Prompt: These days many of us prefer to throw damaged things away, whereas in the past people used to repair damaged items and keep them for a long time.
Explain why you think this change has happened.
What are the effects of this change in attitude?*** ## the trend of buying new things instead of repairing old ones In current days, when something is broken, most people simply throw it away and buy a new one. Decades ago, however, it would be fixed and used for a longer time. There are various reasons for this change, and it seems to me that the effects are largely negative. In my opinion, this phenomenon is caused by economic and social changes. Firstly, the increase in disposable income over the years has enabled individuals to afford new commodity. Meanwhile, the prices of goods have been dramatically reduced, thanks to scale production and cheaper man-made material such as plastics and nylon. With the availability of relatively inexpensive products, less people would bother to wait for hours or even days to have things repaired, especially in the modern society where the pace of living is incredibly fast. This change in attitude has produced harmful consequences. On the one hand, a huge amount of waste is generated every day, with a large portion that cannot be reused or recycled. Some of them go to the landfills while others are burnt away, causing soil and air contamination. On the other hand, factories are producing new products at their full capacity to feed the growing need, depleting scarce resources. Waste pollution and resource exploitation might eventually lead us to a deadly environmental crisis. In summary, it is true that instead of using the repaired old item, most people would rather replace it with a new one. It is determined by economic and social changes, and its threatening effect on the environment should warrant concern. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for your correction!

Zhiyuan, had you not made a mistake in the paraphrasing presentation of this essay, I would scored you a 7 for it. However, you did not do too bad as the overall score for your work could gain you a maximum score of 6. Remember how I keep telling you and the others never to present your opinion in the opening statement because it cannot be fully discussed there? Well, you made that mistake in this essay, again. That is the reason for the mark down in the TA portion. Your conclusion is good, acceptable, but still short of the 3 sentence requirement. Practice using full stops (periods) in your presentations instead of commas. That will automatically fix that problem. The problem now remains in the way that you present your paraphrasing. Please work on improving that. I believe that once you become conscious of that mistake and work towards never repeating it, you could score as high as a 7 or more in the essay practice tests.

***Prompt: In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*** ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ## harmful services of fast food giants such as McDonald and Subway In the last decade, fast food giants such as McDonald's and Subway have started their invasion to an increasing number of cities and towns. While hamburgers and chips become a frequent choice for modern citizens, I firmly hold the opinion that the damaging effect of international fast food on individuals and society on the whole cannot be overlooked. It is claimed that fast food undermines people's well-being by overlooking nutrition values. To produce a flavor that raises customers' appetites, the restaurants usually use a shocking amount of salt, oil and sugar, which might encourage diseases such as diabetes or obesity. What is worse, there have been breaking news exposed over the years saying the meat of fried chicken wings comes from genetically modified monsters that have six wings and eight legs. Whether it is true or not, the credibility of food resource in some restaurants is very limited. Moreover, the spreading of international fast food makes cultural diversities fade away. The emergence of local food is due to the geographical traits of that place and the dietary habits of residents. Therefore, it symbolizes the culture and traditions to a large extent. If one day, sushi and spaghetti were all replaced by hamburgers and hot dogs, people would regret about the gross loss of cultural identities. The time-saving fast food, however, might be more suitable to the high-paced modern society. The streamline-prepared food can be served to the customers in less than one minutes. In addition, the dining time also shrinks since people can finish their meal while walking or working. To sum up, even though fast food saves a lot of time for modern citizens, their harmful influence on nutrition values and cultural conservation cannot be ignored. While the trend of frequenting fast food restaurants seems inevitable, traditional food should at least have a place on the dining table. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for the correction!

Zhiyuan, you did not accurately paraphrase the prompt requirement and you totally misunderstood the discussion consideration as well. The correct paraphrase for your essay is as follows: *International fast food is believed to be speedily replacing traditional foods in most countries. There is a public believe that this steady increase in the popularity of fast food will result in a negative effect on families and societies. I totally disagree with this statement due to some factors that need to be considered in terms of food preferences of countries. Specifically, the food preferences of my own people in (name of your country).* This type of opening paraphrase shows that an analysis of the topic presented was done and that you considered all angles when it came to the food preference discussion in relation to traditional and fast foods. Your essay is nowhere near this required discussion, which is the required discussion because you made a mistake in your paraphrasing and as such, did not accurately represent the expected essay response. You presented an opinion essay based on a prompt discussion that you developed for yourself, which is not based on the original instructions provided. The important missing element in your opening statement that changed your discussion was "I totally disagree..." Keywords taken from the original prompt and used in the paraphrase will always help guide and outline your discussion. I hope you remember to do that with your next test. The conclusion is also faulty as you were not able to properly sum up the given discussion by restating the prompt, stating a summary of facts from the discussion, and then repeating your disagreement in the end. That is all that is required in the concluding statement. Never give an additional discussion as it will not be considered a concluding statement and you will lose points for it.

**Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?** ## uniformity of goods in the world It is no doubt true that countries are becoming similar to each other due to the global spread of the same products, which are now available for purchase almost anywhere. In my view, I consider it to be a positive development. Similar products the world over have some drawbacks for various reasons. Many items are considered as special things in a country, and the globalization of products can lead to the loss of uniqueness in each nation. To give one example, tokbokki is a well-known traditional Korean dish. However, today, rice cake, which is a main raw material in this meal is ubiquitous in Korean marts from every corner of the world. One possible consequence of this trend would be that tourists become disillusioned with travelling to Korea just the same as the place where they are living. Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that the spread of multinational products can be seen as progress. To begin with, consumers would feel more comfortable and convenient as they can easily purchase something in foreign countries. Furthermore, this development contributes significantly to a thriving economy in the countries. People turn to buying the new brand from overseas nations, perhaps thinking it more glamorous than the one they are used to. As a result, local companies are likely to maximize their profits as they import foreign products. On the whole, while there are largely detrimental effects resulting from the uniformity of objects in the world, it seems to me that these developments are desirable, and all people are entitled to have access to the same products. ----- Thank you very much for your help!

Trinh, you still have not learned how to analyze the discussion requirements of the essay. In an "or" essay, only one side of the issue to be discussed. That is the side that you support or do not support. This is not a comparison essay, this is a single opinion essay discussion. Another problem with your essay is the wrong formatting of your opening statement. You are not allowed to present your opinion in the opening statement because that is only the summary and outline of the discussion. It is not the discussion itself. Since you cannot develop your explanations within the opening statement, it is best to save that for the body of the essay. An example of the correct prompt paraphrase is: *Globalization is allowing people to buy the same products regardless of where they are in the world. The trend has seen people of the world becoming far too similar in many ways due to the ready availability of similar goods. While others think this is a negative thing, this essay will look into the positive effects of this trend. I believe that this is a positive development because...* Remember, all opening and closing paragraphs need to have at least 3 sentences and represent a presentation of the discussion in paraphrased form each time. Your conclusion did not accomplish this properly. The conclusion should have just offered a summary of the discussion, data, and your opinion. Basically, your essay should have indicated only the positive aspects because that is what you are supporting. The negatives should have only been mentioned if you were supporting the negative side. This is a one opinion essay. You can justify your opinion using one or 2 paragraphs of reasons to strengthen your discussion.

**Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?** ............................................................................................................................................................ Please give me advices and score. Really appreciate!!! ............................................................................................................................................................ ## Men and women right to the same job There is no doubt that males and females have differences in individual characters due to the genetic inheritance and socio-demographic components. Some argue for setting up mono-sexual occupations, which is attacked by the concern for gender quality. In my opinion, this idea merits more careful consideration. It is undoubtedly that man and women are good at different field, which enables them to perform well in certain tasks. For example, males are considered comparatively good at physical works such as driving taxis and decorating houses because they are physically strong. Similarly, taking care of the household activities and bringing up the children are deemed to be women's duty because most of them are kind, loving and caring. By keeping men or women out of certain occupations, it is more efficient that people can accomplish the duty. However, even though both genders are extremely suited for the jobs above, there is a changing trend which are taking place in modern world. Because the growing opportunities of higher education and the stronger sense of equal rights, a considerable number of women are breaking the barriers in order to fulfill their ambitions. They can be seen at various important positions, such as politicians and doctors, where they are also performing beyond the expectations of public. In the same way, men are wild about taking care of children and doing chores as well. Therefore, it is inaccurate to say that both genders are suitable to do exclusive types of job. In brief, men and women have their own rights to select specific profession. Preserving the gender quality in workplace is a socially meaningful behavior.

Sebastian, because you misunderstood, misrepresented, and did not correctly discuss the original prompt statement, your essay cannot score higher than a 3. While you were asked if you believed that it was right to exclude certain genders from jobs because of their gender, you were discussing equality in the workplace. Which is nowhere near what the original prompt required you to discuss. Hence the failing score. You cannot pass any aspect of the test because you already failed the task accuracy portion. As such, it shows that you lack the English comprehension skills to be able to participate in an English discussion on a given topic. Therefore, the rest of the rating criteria no longer applies. It won't matter how good your grammar is when your English comprehension skills are not at an acceptable level for an English speaker / student. In order to pass this test, you must do the following: 1. Learn to look for keywords that can help you understand the meaning of the essay. Keywords such as "women, men, common strengths and weaknesses,exclude, due to gender", if you understood these words, would have helped you to better respond to the essay prompt 2. Practice your English comprehension skills by not doing the actual essay tests yet but rather, allowing yourself to read any English material and then simply have you restate what you read in a manner that your friends and relatives can understand. Once you are comfortable with that and you successfully explain the topics you have read about, then you may proceed with the actual practice tests. As of now, this essay will not receive a passing score. You need to work on developing your lexical resources and task accuracy representations in order to increase your chances of getting a passing score in the actual test.

Hi, Everyone. This is my writing practice for the TOEFL exam. I will greatly appreciate your help if you could help me correct my mistakes in the article. TOEFL writing questions: **Some adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?** ## young adults bind to their parents Currently, there is a widely observed phenomenon that some young adults choose to live with their families for a longer time. However, in my opinion, young adults should seek independence from their families as soon as possible. First of all, being independent as early as possible can equip young adults with the ability to survive in the world. The world is becoming more and more competitive so that one cannot totally rely on his family because he will work and live independently sooner or later. The ability to survive in the world is an essential as a working man. The example of my cousin, Tom can buttress this point. He rented an apartment to live off campus and constantly sought for high paid jobs since entering college at the age of eighteen. He completely lived on his feet and never asked a penny from his family. After graduation, he was really good at dealing with all kinds of affairs, no matter how big or small. His independence from the family enables him a capacity that other young adults may not have. Furthermore, living with the family for too long can add burden to the family. Parents ought to not guarantee their children a high level of living standards when they become adults. Staying in the family for too long can bring conflicts to the family, Let's suppose a hypothetical situation that one child stays at home with nothing to do but playing computer games all day long. His parents will be very annoyed at him because the family has to feed him while he makes no contribution to the family. It is unfair for other family members who work hard to support the family. This added burden is a disadvantage of living with the family for a long period. In conclusion, young adults should get independence from their parents as soon as possible so that they can learn how to survive in the world and avoid adding burden to the family, which is not only good for the development of the individual but also beneficial to the family.

Wang, try to develop at least 3 sentences per paragraph in your essay. For this essay, I would like to specifically call your attention to your opening statement that does not have this required number of sentences. The reason you need to write at least 3 sentences is because you need to properly paraphrase the prompt, the instructions, and state your opinion in the opening salvo of the paper. You were supposed to present both sides of the discussion as individual sentences in order to meet this requirement. So this should have read as: *There are two types of adults in this world. The first kind, are the adults who want to live independently of their parents as soon as they are capable of doing so. The other, represents the young adults who wish to live with their family longer. In this essay, I will discuss which of the two types of situations would be better for an adult such as I. In my opinion, it would be best if adults lived independently of their parents as soon as possible. That is because...* Since this is an opinion paper, you need to present at least 2 paragraphs that support your opinion, 3 would be best. In any case, your information should only be supportive of your personal opinion because you were asked to make a choice between two options. This is therefore an opinion essay, not a compare and contrast essay. Your conclusion is faulty because it continues the discussion of facts for the essay instead of simply ending the discussion with a recap of the previous discussion within 3 sentences. That is all that is required of the TOEFL conclusion paragraph.

**"We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company." How far do you support this idea?** .............................................................................................................................................................. Give me advice and score for me. Sincerely thanks!!! ................................................................................................................................................................. ## Equal on number of male and female workers An unbalance in labor source is the controversial topic for many decades. Many lawmakers proposed that we should impose a legislation forcing businesses and government departments balancing the number of employees in sexuality. In my personal opinion, I profoundly oppose this idea and provide some pieces of evidence to prove my individual thought in the following essay. First at all, in the viewpoint of an employer, forcing the equal number of male and female workers creates exponentially serious trouble for businesses. For instance, to meet this legislation, they have to conduct some personnel change and this process costs a large amount of money. For example, the employer has to investigate workers if who deserve to keep and vice versa; the next step is compensating for the unfortunate people - who are fired; finally and most difficult step is how to recruiting the appropriate employees who meet both of job requirements and sexual legislation without impacting the recent works. On the other hand, in the employee's perspective, this law creates a hardship for a significant number of workers. The most evident example is some particular fields, such as nuclear industry and prison department, which are almost suitable for males and attracted a mere number of females are facing greatly serious dilemma - how to balance the employees? More seriously, this legislation will make the topically social trouble - unemployment - more and more solemn. The toughest consequence is creating the new crisis in the national economy. By way of conclusion, this legislation just solving only one trouble - the unbalance of sexuality in workforce - however, creating many social issues and negative influent for the national economy. In my personal thought, without partial in any aspect, I completely refute operating that law because we can solve the problem of sexual balance by other methods such as public education and long-term training.

Nguyet, in response to your inquiry in your previous post, you just need to write in your normal style. Just make sure that you are clear with what you are saying. That means, that when you write, make sure people will understand your discussion. It does not need to have complex sentences if you cannot develop them effectively. What is more important is that you are clearly understood. The examiner will make allowances for any shortcomings that you have in sentence development but will not forgive you for confusing them with your lexical resources that confuse the presentation. Each essay is special in its own way. There is no such thing as one essay being better than the other. There is also no perfect formula for the highest score. You just need to do your best and make sure that the essay can be understood. You will be scored based on your existing and appropriate abilities. Don't let people tell you how to write. There is no right or wrong way of doing that. As long as you follow the instructions, you will be fine in terms of scoring. Now, with regards to this essay, the prompt clearly indicates the type of discussion that you are to be presenting. That is, the extent of your agreement with the idea. Therefore, you are not to oppose or discuss the negative side in your essay. When they say "To what extent" your response should be "I support this idea to the extent that it will help both genders gain equal employment in a workplace." or something similar and then defend the stance of "equal employment in the workplace" in the succeeding discussions. You did not totally understand the prompt requirements when it came to the instructions as to how to discuss the essay. You did however, understand the topic presented. So, between that confusion in your opening statement and the misrepresentation of the discussion in the body of the essay, the breakdown for your score is as follows: TA - 4 C&C- 4 LR - 5 GRA - 6 I have to remind you again that your personal statement in this type of essay must be seen throughout. You must take ownership by constantly indicating "I believe, my opinion, I assume, etc." in each paragraph since this is not a compare and contrast essay. You made a severe error by indicating another personal opinion in the conclusion. As I told you before, that is not allowed and you were marked down for it in this practice test.

**"Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other." To what extent do you agree with this idea?** Please give me score in the following essay. Thanks, Holt, I try to focus just 1 main reason for one paragraph and analyze it like your advice. Hope your advice. ........................................................................................... ## international tourism benefits In recent decades, we have seen a dramatic increase in the tourism, even so, the international understanding. That is why many people laud the role of the tourism in the universal compassion. However, I absolutely refute that the tourism is always a force good things and give some pieces of evidence to prove my personal ideal in the following essay. First at all, it is an undeniable fact that traveling helped many tourists explore distinguished cultures in various regions. Nevertheless, it also creates many erroneous preconceptions among different countries. One of particular good example is some Western people travel to undeveloped countries and be a victim of a tourist trap; then they have the bad perspective about local citizen and widespread disappointing experience for other people in their country. Invisibly, exploring new cultures without going into a detail creates the big hole in universal understanding. Further and even more importantly, though tourism is one of the most potential motivation to developing economies of poverty countries such as Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, it also brings many great issues for those countries like prostitute, alcoholism, and drug. The finance which should help to develop the national economy and improve the quality lives of impoverished; however, unfortunately, making the affluent (travel agencies, large tourist corporations) get more benefit, and bringing the seriously social trouble for poverty. Tourism invisibly creates the wealth gap larger. Even more worrying, the tourist flow destroys the natural environment. The most obvious instance is the Great Barrier Reef in Australia slowly dying because of pollution and tourist overload. In the most recent information of BBC, nearly one fourth of this famous destination is impossible to revise, and many undersea ecosystems have been instinct. By way of conclusion, I think the detriment of international tourist incredibly overweighs the benefit. Besides encouraging traveling, we should impose some solutions and legislation prevents the negative impacts such as intensively defended the badly social issues and public education campaign in local areas where have attracted many international tourists.

Nguyet, your essay has some good points and some bad points. So to be fair, I will score you on an individual level of your presented essay. Based on the 4 criteria, I believe that you will score as follows: Task Accuracy - 6 Coehsiveness and Coherence - 5 Lexical Resource - 3 Grammar Range and Accuracy - 3 While you did understand the prompt requirements. You presented the discussion in reverse. You should have presented the negative and then disagreed with it by presenting your positive view of tourism. This would have shown a clear "extent" of your agreement because you have referred to phrases like " while some people that tourism negatively affects,,, I believe that tourism is good in this instance because..." The prompt requires you to only agree with the idea presented so the opposing idea has to come from somewhere else, not you. That turns it into a comparison essay instead of an opinion essay. There were problems with your lexical use such as "instinct" when you meant to say "extinct" and "invisibly" when it should have been "inevitably" and so on and so forth. Make sure you use the correct English word by first understanding its meaning. Otherwise, you distort the message of the paragraph you are writing and the essay becomes difficult to understand. That is why I had to score you so low in the last 2 criteria, the message of the essay became hard to follow as I had to try to figure out what you said when you were using the wrong word choices in the sentences. Good work in keeping on one topic along per paragraph though. Keep that up. It at least helped me to figure out what the total essence of the paragraph was.

## the value of travelling Nowadays, Travelling is the kind of activity, which almost all the people love. For some people it is an opportunity to relax and abstract from everyday busy life. For others it is interesting to learn about other cultures. Of course, there are people who are always unhappy with the way the life is, and they will say that travelling is unpleasant and involves a lot of stress due to the necessity to pack their things, use public transport and so on. But fortunately, those people are rather few. As for me, travelling is exciting and interesting. I would like to travel to different countries, experiencing cultures and trying different foods. The first advantage is traveling helps us to experience new things and open our minds to the outside world also get the opportunity to meet different people from different places. Secondly, experiencing different cultures can be enlightening and educational. One of the way to learn about different culture is to travel. Traveling increases our knowledge and widens our perspective. To sum up, travelling has tremendous educative, informative and social value.

Elizabeth, I need you to clarify if you are writing a practice test for an English exam such as IELTS or TOEFL or, if you are writing this for an English practice class. The reason I ask is because there are 2 different requirements for each type of English writing. Now, if you are just writing this as something you chose to do for practice, without any particular instructions to follow, then the require essay writing formats are not a requirement. Since you did not provide an instruction as to whether this is for an exam or just practice, I will assume that you wrote this as a personal practice test and review it as such. When you write an essay, you need to follow a chronological or connected form of discussion presentation. You need to make sure that you discuss topics in a connected manner so that your essay will come across as easy to follow and is simple to understand and remember. So for this writing, you should have done as follows: 1. Explained the purpose of the essay in the first paragraph. 2. Discussed reason 1 3. Discussed reason 2 4. Discussed your personal reason 5. Concluded the essay While the aforementioned format works for the English essay exams, it also helps to serve as a guide for those writing English practice tests. It allows you learn how to discuss in an understandable manner and offers you the opportunity to practice expanding your expanding your English vocabulary. Remember, if you are not practicing for an English test, the sentence requirement is not important. That applies only if you are practicing for the test due to the expected discussion format / requirement.

Please evaluate my essay, thank you =) **Out of the following three things, which one would you prefer to regulate in order to improve your health? 1. the kind of food you eat 2. the amount of exercise 3. the amount of stress in your life** ## how to straighten out the organism? In recent years, the awareness of fitness and health has been raised. People try to improve their own health condition, either by working out more or reducing their stress. However, neither of them is as important as a healthy diet. In my opinion, I would choose to pay more attention on the food I consume in order to boost my health. First of all, there is a wide variety of food I can choose to keep a healthy diet. For example, salads are easy to make and are nutritious as well. Or I can simply cook my own food instead of having meals in other restaurants. This definitely saves a lot of money and guarantees dishes without that many additives. Some people may assume that eating clean means taking in food with plain taste or hardly edible cuisines. In fact, healthy food can be quite delicious and eating always keeps me happy. Compared to exercising or finding ways to relax, I believe choosing the food I eat undoubtedly provides me with more options. Secondly, it is apparently easier to regulate what I eat than to be determined to do exercise or to relax. Sometimes, I just don't have time to go to the gym or go for a run. After a long day of working or studying, fatigue strikes me and I don't have more energy and time to work out. Nevertheless, I need to eat. I simply have to be more careful on what I eat, and in this way my health status can be improved. In addition, it is obvious I cannot easily limit the stress in my life. I cannot foresee the challenges and frustration that I am going to encounter. Therefore, it is more difficult to cut down on the amount of stress than to examine the food I eat. Health is extremely indispensable and everyone should be able to take care of his/her own body. I am strongly convinced that keeping a healthy diet is a better way to improve both the physical and the mental health. Thanks for the patience and help!

Lee, since you were being asked a direct question in the prompt, you could have done a better job at representing the opening statement in order to make it more interesting to the examiner. If the examiner finds your presentation interesting, he will be more inclined to give you a higher score in the TA aspect of the test. I would have written the opening hook, not paraphrase, in the following manner: *There are 3 things that a person can regulate in life in order to improve his health. Some would prefer to increase their time of exercise, while others would prefer to reduce their stress levels. Personally, I prefer to control the types of food that I eat in order to improve my health. I opted for this choice for a number of reasons. Firstly...* Do you see how I was able to create my own proper prompt or discussion requirement based upon the provided information? That is the aim of this test and that is what you should provide. Don't treat it like a common prompt because this is somewhat of a "free topic" essay discussion with very minimal instructions provided. Use that freedom to highlight your TA and GRA abilities. Overall, the discussion you present is good. When combined with a killer opening statement, I am sure you will score highly on the actual test.

*Topic: **Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*** ## changes not necessarily helps People have different views about the question of whether they should change or not. While many people persist in doing one thing in their whole life, personally I argue that change is an unavoidable thing in our life. On the one hand, many people tend to repeat the same things as they believe they have achieved some security. However, change is not always a personal option. Even when people believe they are resisting change themselves, they cannot stop the world around them from changing. For instance, technology and scientific breakthroughs are changing the world on a daily basis. Another example would be that some people do not want to change their jobs because they are familiar with their current work and their colleagues. If they work in another workplace, they need to adapt a new environment, and they cannot concentrate on their work. Sooner or later, however, they would find that the familiar jobs no longer exist, or that the safety behaviours are no longer appropriate. On the other hand, I believe that change brings positive consequences for people. To give one example, repeating one job may be too tedious, and change can help people to have motivation for working. However, change is not always for the better. A lot of innovations, for example, are made with the aim of making money. In that case new things should not be promoted. As a result, people need to keep pace with changes. On the whole, I believe that people should not remain to do the same things, although all change does not necessarily have good outcomes. ---- Thank you for your help!

Trinh, your discussion would have been better if you had tried to follow the proper discussion outline as indicated in the original prompt. the problems with your essay started with the mistake that you made in the representation of the prompt in your paraphrasing. You neglected to properly assess the requirements of the essay and represent it in your outline plus paragraph discussion. How did you fail to properly assess the essay requirements? You were asked to discuss 2 points of view and then your personal opinion. You only discussed one point of view and your opinion. In terms of task accuracy, that would result in a score of 4 because your response to the required discussion is minimal. That will be a tremendous drawback in terms of your final score. It is important to get the highest possible marks in the TA section so that the other sections will automatically increase in possible scoring. If you can prove you understood the instructions, the examiner will be more lenient in terms of your other weaknesses. The failure of your opening statement, the paraphrasing sealed the failing score for your TA portion and assured that you would score failing to barely passing in the rest of the scoring considerations. The correct paraphrasing and discussion outline would be as follows: *There are two points of view regarding change in a person's life. One point of view is that people should always do the same things and never change. The other, is that change is a good thing for people's lives. This essay will examine the two points of view and offer my personal opinion and support for one of the two points of view.*

the pie charts illustrates the proportion of different countries(Others,China and Canada)exported fish to the US in 1988,1992 and 2000.Another table demonstrate the total money spent on the imported in the period shown.Unit measured billion of dollars. Generally,Expenditure in Fish increased from 1988 in the US.In addition,Canada is the main import countries for the US's fish market in 1988.In contrast,China had the least fish imported to the US.However,4 years later,Canada was not the main import countries anymore,replaced by others countries around the World which excepted(China).In 2000,Canada market position even took over by China.Canada become the smallest supply in the US. In 1988,Almost 7 billion dollars of fish were consumed by Americas.4 years later which came to 1992,Expenditure had a noticeable rise,up to 8.52 billion dollars.10.72 billion dollars were used to purchase fish in 2000 . In 1988,Canada dominated the fish market in the US,constituted 60%.Meanwhile,China and Others countries occupied 13% and 27% respectively.American prefer fish around in the World.Worldwide countries became the main imported countries in the US.The second highest were Canada.China is the least.In 2000,The sale of other countries had a slightly descended,down to 42%.In the meantime, China exported fish to the US have a exponentially ascended,up to 30%,which substituted the position of Canada in the US fish market.whereas,fish exported from Canada decreased even further.at 28%. Please commend in essay and rate it.Thank you very much *

@ke362989724 The most likely score that you can get for this particular presentation is a 5. You score that highly because you did not overlook any of the given information in the chart. However, you cannot score higher than that because of the grammatical issues that your presentation has. You are not very careful when writing your statements. You fail to allow for a space between sentences, do not follow the capitalization rules, and your sentences are very difficult to decipher. All of these problems cause undue stress on the reader. The examiner would find it difficult to analyze your presentation and as such, he will end up lowering your overall score. The more you try to develop complex sentences, the worse your sentence development gets. The next time that you present an essay for review here, try to use only simple sentences, that might improve your score because you are not trying to impress the examiner with your English vocabulary. You are just going to try to make yourself better understood. You also have a tendency to have run on sentences in each paragraph because you try to get around the 5 sentence maximum rule by using commas where periods should be placed. Don't do that. Just limit your discussion to 5 sentences per paragraph. Make sure you summarize the information from the chart in your presentation. Speaking of summarizing information, while you did present that information in this essay, albeit a very problematically developed one, you placed the countries in a parenthesis when you were supposed to make those countries a part of the summary presentation. Never use a parenthesis to indicate major information, always work it into the actual essay presentation or risk losing points for doing that.

Question: **Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.** *comics books radio television film theatre* ## tv delivers information most effectively Answer: There are various advantages and disadvantages of books,radio and television as ways to convey information. Among the three tools,I think television is the most effective way to communicate information. Firstly,books are usually written by writers,professionals or people who have lots of experiences in certain fields. Furthermore, before publishing,the content of books are usually filtered by publishers.As a result,most of the information are reliable.Moreover,there are lots of types of books for customers to choose,books can allow people to get access to different knowledge conveniently.While not everyone likes to read books because there are too many words in books and some people may be illiterates. In fact,it is not an efficient way to deliver information. Secondly,as for radio,some presenters like to react with people,they tend to allow people to call in and exchange their opinions.So it is a good way to discuss opinions and experiences with different people.Furthermore,the radio is free for the public.However,there are many disadvantages in radio.On the one hand,if the electric wave or internet is weak,the radio channels can be easily disrupted.On the other hand,it is not an effective way to deliver information through radio because in modern societies,fewer people use the radio . Finally, in terms of television ,it is the most effective means to communicate information with the public because the majority of people have a television at home. Furthermore, channels are all displayed in videos so that television is the most attractive way to show information.While there are lots of aggressive or offensive information in television, which may have a negative impact on teenagers or children. In conclusion,there are different strengths and weaknesses in books,radio and television .Within these tools,television can deliver information most effectively.

Tinawu, please remember that you are being scored on the method that you write the essay. As such, you must always deliver the required elements, one of which is the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. In your opening statement, you missed that requirement by one sentence. That sentence should have indicated the 3 choices that you will be discussing in the body paragraph. The reason you needed to indicate that is simple, it would have completed the paraphrased discussion and outline of your essay. That is the chronological discussion of the essay topic that the reader should expect. Without it, the reader is left guessing as to what to expect of your discussion. You will also score better if you develop only one topic for discussion per outline. That is because you are scored on coherence and cohesiveness. These factors cannot be achieved when you discuss more than one reason per paragraph. The lack of achievement is because you will not be able to fully explain your reasons due to the 5 sentence maximum requirement. Instead, the paragraph will look unprofessional / non-academic because the discussion is skipping around. The concluding paragraph of your essay can also use further development in terms of properly restating the discussion you have on the topic and providing a 3-5 sentence wrap up of the choices and reasons behind your choices.

The bar chart illustrates eight kinds of driving purpose (courses, visiting town, bank, running errands, visiting friends, recreation, work and shopping) divided by males and females in the year of 2005. ## Why people need vehicles Overall, work was mainly purpose of car trips in comparison to otherwise. By contrast, bank, running errands and visiting friends were the lower driving purpose for men in term to women were visiting town and recreation. Besides, except for work ,shopping and recreation, the other usages of car were almost less than 10% either men or women. There was a significant usage of car for work by men about 50% as opposed to about 5% for bank and running errands respectively. Besides, the driving purpose of visiting town, recreation and work were much more than women. Similarly, the driving purpose of work was the most usage of women approximately 40% in comparison to visiting town which was almost less than 5%. *

Ren, the first problem with your essay is that you used a parenthesis to list the graph topics. You should not use a parenthesis because that listing does not help to prove your command of the English language. Instead, you should have worked on developing a sentence listing for the graph content. That way you would have had a chance to better highlight your English writing skills. Now, the bar graph shows percentage points for each classification. Yet you did not use these estimations for most of the essay. Since this essay is supposed to be a summary of the information provided, the reader is expecting to read more figures as provided in the original report. As a researcher, your job is to make sure that you get the figures right in the process of informing the reader. You failed to do that in this essay. There was no strong analysis represented in this essay because you seemed afraid to make comparisons where required. The instructions said the bar chart showed information. How you discuss the essay is up to you. While this essay would be acceptable in most instances, the presentation will not help to increase your task accuracy and GRA score because you did not really try to develop more complex paragraph presentations. Please try to be more precise in your presentation of facts and figures in your next essay in order to improve your overall score. Try to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Whenever possible, use the actual figures and compare the information in order o show a degree of analytical skill in terms of your discussion.

## popularity of agricultural products in Mitchford The graph compares the consumption of the top four types of agricultural products in Mitchford over a period of 30 years. As an overall, cotton was by far the most important produce contributing to the Mitchford economy due to its increased demand between 1980 to 1990. The production of wheat, corn and sugar were comparable and remained relatively constant over the period shown. In 1970, wheat was the main produce making just under 50 thousand dollars for the city. During the same period, the money which came from corn and sugar produce were comparable with 25 and 30 thousand dollars respectively. However, cotton provided a negligible amount of 20 thousand dollars and just one year later, cotton overtook wheat in making a contribution to Mitchford agriculture. From 1970 to 1990, this city saw a considerable increase in cotton consumption until it reached a peak of 90 thousand dollars. The figure for corn fluctuated slightly and stabilised for the rest of the period. In the early 2000, the production of sugar, wheat and cotton were equal and tended to decrease since then. While cotton production fell roughly again to 20 thousand dollars and was likely to follow this trend, the other three ones varied slightly and may go up after that. *

Jade, your essay is good in covering the discussion of the graph. However, you only presented body paragraphs in this essay. You did not represent a summary of the presentation plus an outline of the discussion that was to come forth. The summary could have come either as an opening statement or a concluding summary. Neither were represented in your essay. The summary outline is actually one of the most important factors that is considered in the scoring process so you should never neglect to present that summary in the essay. Don't be confused, the summary overview cannot contain any of the actual information found in the graph. Rather, it is to give information regarding the discussion topics for the essay in a summary form. No facts or figures yet. If I were to write the summary introduction for this essay, it would similar to: *A graph was provided showing the 4 top farming products of Mitchford City. The products, including their selling price in dollars were monitored over the decades from 1970 up to 2000. This essay will present a more detailed analysis of the graph and the information that accompanied it.* While your grammar is not perfect, it did not pose any stress on the reader. Your information was understandable and a degree of analysis is evident in your work. This is a pretty good attempt at writing a task 1 essay. Save for the missing summary statement, which is a requirement of the essay, you did an acceptable job of writing the body paragraphs though.

**The question:from the IELTS 10 TEST1,writing task 2** *Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.* ## Should we punish children? What's your reason? Answer: It is significant for early age children to distinguish right and wrong.As the description above, it said punishment is essential to help children learn the contrast between right and wrong. I agree with this opinion.People should punish kids when necessary.There are three reasons to support this view.First, children might make mistakes next time without punishment.The reason to impose a punishment is to warn the children not just to punish.If adults don't punish them, the children won't learn a lesson from this experience. Second,with my experience that I suspected in junior high schools.If students don't get any punishment,they will interrupt others in the class.It will unable teachers to teach other students.Third,sometimes children don't own correct perspectives, therefore, punishment is set to get rid of their wrong behavior or thoughts. From my perspective, the physical punishment is not allowed to give to children,because it will hurt their body and mental state.With my experience, parents and teachers need to let children understand the exact reason why they are banished.Hence,I side with the punishment which can deprive of their freedom or rights temporarily.Such as being grounded,a timeout.By means of these punishment,children can respect themselves also follow the rules.In conclusion,I am in favour of appropriate punishments instead of complete punishment.

Ethel, your task accuracy score for this essay will come down to a 3. That will also translate into the final score for your essay because of the inadequacies of your presentation. Your first problem, is that you did not properly paraphrase the prompt. The first paragraph always requires the test take to prove his English comprehension and writing skills by properly restating the topic for discussion, type of discussion, and transition sentence at the end of it. It is always assumed that the examiner will not have access to the question you were given to discuss so you will need to present your own understanding of those required elements prior to your full discussion in the body paragraphs. Your discussion will score a 3 in terms of cohesiveness and coherence as well. That is based upon the fact that you did not properly develop your reasoning process per paragraph. In this instance, one discussion your opinion required one paragraph. One discussion, in a separate paragraph of your personal experience was also required. By discussing the ideas in the same paragraph, you did not properly transition the discussion so you ended up creating a confusing paragraph instead. It was confusing because your explanations lacked relevance and did not relate to each other. That is why individual paragraphs need to be assigned in this instance. The biggest problem of your essay at this point relate to the opening statement and conclusion. I already explained the problem of the opening statement to you. The problem with your conclusion, simply put, is that you do not have one. There is no proper summation of the discussion at the end which would have required a recapitulation of the previous discussion, personal experience, and grounding method. The conclusion is as important as the opening statement as this also relates to your task accuracy score.

Hello everyone, could you please help me correct my writing task 2 on the following topic. Thank you. Topic: **Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on your personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?** ## impact of the environment we were born Answer: The idea of nature-versus-nurture has long been debated, with no conclusive conclusion. Some studies have suggested that no nexus exists between genes and behaviour patterns while other research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on your personality and development than their life. This essay is to discuss these two schools of thoughts, with some facts being closely examined. There is no denying the fact that genetics plays a large role in the determining a person's character. Nativists take the position that all or most behaviours and characteristics are results of inheritance. Genetic traits handed down from parents influence the individual difference that makes each person unique. For example, researchers found that identical twins were twice as likely as non-identical twins to share the same personality traits, suggesting that their DNA was having the greatest impact. By contrast, some experts now argue that our genetic inheritance has virtually nothing to do with our personalities. They believe that a child's behaviour signals the accumulative effect of the environment where they grow up. Studies show that many young criminals come from problem families who have a history of violence and crime. Without good job prospects, they end up finding solace in gangs. Another example to show parent's effect on their child's behaviour that children with fine upbringing normally show their courtesy and professional etiquettes in coping with real-life problems, similarly, offspring of nurturing mother tended to be less anxious than those of more lackadaisical mother. To sum up, people are made by both learned and born traits. There is no need to reach a conclusion that either environment or nature plays a decisive part in one's character and behaviour development. Although the effect of genetic heredity is overt, one can not afford to ignore that of environment where a child is nurtured. (305 words)

Tham, you did not clearly understand the prompt requirements. You were being asked to discuss only your single opinion in relation to the statement made in the original discussion Here is a sample of a more appropriate paraphrase: *People are born with characteristics that researchers believe influence their development as a person. Researchers say that being born with the character traits has a major influence on the personality of an individual more than his life experiences. As with the opinion of these researchers, I believe that there is a single major influence that helps to dictate the personality and development of the person. Through this essay, I will be discussing what that major influence is and why I consider that to be the single, most important influence in a person's personality development.* From that point, your next 3 paragraphs should have introduced your choice of influence and explained it's basis. The basis could have been explained in 2 separate paragraphs that represent the public perception that influenced your opinion and your personal experience. It would have resulted in a sound representation of the original prompt requirements along with your concluding summary statement at the end. The way that you discussed the whole essay is not in accordance with the prompt instructions and expectations. I am sorry to tell you that, in my opinion, the work that you did would not have passed in an actual test setting due to the misunderstanding that you had of the prompt requirement. This was solely a personal opinion paper and you discussed a general statement instead. That is where your main mistake, and where the failure of the total essay lies.

*The maps below show changes in the town of Youngsville in New Zealand from 1980 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.* ## in 2005 Youngsville is a different town than it was in 1980 The maps illustrate development in the coastal town of Youngsville in New Zealand during the period from 1980 to 2005. The most obvious change is that the town has undergone significant modernisation. A lot of trees and houses have been removed to spare space for constructing new buildings and facilities. In 1980, trees were everywhere and the main type of building was house. Trees were located mainly alongside the River Alanah while houses were concentrated nearby the coast. There were only some basic facilities including hospital, school, railway station and airport. Basically, the town was a pure residential area. In contrast, various kinds of construction have been developed over the 25-year period. Trees and small houses have been replaced by new stadium, factories, warehouse and skyscrapers. Some houses have even been demolished for new railway. In addition, transportation has been more convenient due to the existence of extended railway and new marina. (152 words) *

Peter, it is always best to combine the observations that you made, along with the instructions for the discussion in the first paragraph of the essay in order to secure the highest possible task accuracy score. For example, you could have presented this opening statement as follows: *A map for the town of Youngsville in New Zealand covering the years from 1980 - 2005 was presented for analysis. Overall, the town showed continuous improvement to its infrastructure and open spaces throughout this time period. This essay will summarize these improvements and offer comparisons of changes whenever indicated for the reader's benefit.* You will probably notice that my summary accomplishes a number of tasks, namely; 1. Introduce the image supplied 2. Introduce the purpose of the image 3. Briefly explain my observations of the map provided (trend) 4. Outline the upcoming discussion The aforementioned topic sentences comprise the total summary introduction. I always ask that the students present the summary at the start of the essay because it makes more sense to depict the discussion beforehand as opposed to summarizing after, which makes it more difficult to choose what information you will sum up at the end. With a 3-5 sentence requirement, doing the outline earlier just makes more sense and is easier to accomplish. This also gives you, as the exam taker, a clear guide as to how to develop your essay. Using my version of the summarized prompt, you would have scored better because you would not need the filler statement in the middle that was only 2 sentences long. Always write 3 sentences within 3-5 paragraphs. For this type of essay, writing 4 paragraphs will be sufficient enough to get you a decent score. The conclusion paragraph is optional in a task 1 essay anyway.

## Parent's addiction and substance abuse There are millions of children in this country who live with a parent that is addicted. Addiction is a grossly misunderstood condition that effects many families throughout the state of Arizona. In September of 2016, it was reported that in Maricopa County there were 17,984 children in out-of-home care with the Department of Child Safety. Out of these children, 87.2% are in care because of parents who are addicted to substances. That means that 15,682 children are removed from their parent's custody because the parents are addicted to some sort of substance. These statistics are scary. I was one of these statistics. In November of 2013, two officers showed up at my door to tell me that my husband had been killed. The months following were full of people and services for my husband's memory. Once all those people were gone, it was just me left, 22-years-old with a year-old little girl and no idea how to cope with the loss and loneliness that I felt. I turned to alcohol to ease the feelings that I needed fulfilled. This quickly turned into an addiction. My daughter was removed from my home. After being in the system and undergoing my own recovery, I wanted to explore more of what addiction is and the different ways in my community that parents can get help and have their children returned to them. I am going to break this paper down into three parts: what addiction is, what it can do to a family, and different places in the community that can help when your family structure has been broken down by addiction. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders changed the word addiction to substance use disorder in their newest version. They define a substance use disorder as "a condition in which the use of one or more substances leads to a clinically significant impairment or distress." (SAMHSA, 158) While I agree that a characteristic of addiction is significant impairment or distress, I feel like this needs to go deeper. As I did more research, I came across a publication by the American Society of Addiction Medicine that gave five characteristics of addiction. The first one was the inability to abstain. This means that the person cannot stop using even when the try to. The second is the impairment of behavior control. The addicted person can no longer control their behavior. The third is the craving of a substance. The addicted person becomes fixated with the substance and how they will get the substance. Fourth is the diminished recognition of problems. The addicted person starts to not recognize where there are problems in their life. The last is a dysfunctional emotional response. Their emotional response no longer becomes appropriate for the situation. I feel like this definition of the characteristics makes it clear that addiction becomes a disease of the brain. The brain reward, motivation, and memory becomes weakened and the person is not the same as they were before the addiction became active. Without going into recovery and receiving treatment for addiction, a person can become disabled or die. Now that there is a clear understanding of what addiction is, I want to focus on what it can do to a family. When a member of the family becomes addicted to a substance, the family system starts to break down. Children will take on roles that they are not meant for, such as the caretaker, and parents can fail to provide safe environments and basic needs that the family has. If we take the characteristics of addiction that we learned and apply them to a family setting, it is no surprise that the family becomes dysfunctional and starts to break down. It is not easy to live with a person whose addiction is causing turmoil. The addict is often full of conflict, torn between wanting their drug of choice but also not wanting the consequences of caving into their addiction. When things start to go south, they start to blame the other members of the family. The partner in the relationship, if not dealing with their own addiction problems, may be feeling as if the addiction of their spouse is their own fault. They may be dealing with codependency issues and enable the other to continue their pattern of destructive behavior in order to keep some semblance of peace in the home. The book "The Alcoholic Family in Recovery" talks about the different roles that children will take on in order to keep peace in the home. The first one is the family hero. This child tries to be responsible and gain approval from everyone around them. They try to keep the attention on their success to move the attention off the dysfunction. The next is the scapegoat. The scapegoat takes all the blame for everything that goes wrong in the family home. They keep the focus on their failures to distract from the real problems in the home. Third is the lost child. This child lives in their own fantasy world and appears to be aloof to the problems in the home. Lastly is the mascot. In this role, the child tries to make everything funny. They are the clown that tries to keep everything light hearted and funny. These roles are just ways for the child to try and disguise the pain and turmoil that is going on in their family. However, the child that takes on one of these roles, is taking on too much responsibility for their parent. It is important that every child has a safe, nurturing, functional home. That great news about this is that there are so many different programs and activities in the community for families that are dealing with addiction and dysfunction. Some of the programs I will talk about are specifically for parents who are going through a dependency case, others are open to the entire community. Either way, all the programs can help any parent overcome the power of addiction and journey through recovery. The first, and most popular, program available is Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a world-wide program that helps men and women who are suffering from alcoholism. Alcoholics Anonymous members all follow a 12-step program that helps members overcome challenges and take a look deep inside to make positive changes. Each member gets a sponsor. A sponsor is a person who has already completed their steps and maintained sobriety that is trying to give back what they learned. The sponsor will help their sponsee to get through their 12-steps and will work closely with them as a sobriety partner. Alcoholics Anonymous has had lots of success during their many years and has continued to branch out into subgroups such as Crystal Meth Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. There is even a 12-step group called ALANON for family members of an addicted person. All of the 12-step programs are extremely beneficial to anyone who is in recovery because of the intense amount of support from other group members. A great place that has a ton of resources for parents is Terros. Terros hold the belief that every person has within them the ability to make changes to improve their life. They offer a wide range of services including outpatient and residential drug and alcohol recovery, mental health, and primary care. Terros was started by two young men in the 1960's who responded to addicts that were in need of help from the community. They decided to start their own agency and wanted to name it "terra" meaning Earth but the name was misprinted in the newspaper as Terros so the founders left it that way. Today, the Terros team continues to serve the community with the same dignity and compassion as the founders did. Arizona Families FIRST is a program that was created as a substance abuse prevention and treatment program. Arizona Families FIRST provides their services to parents who are challenged with substance abuse as a barrier to getting their children back home. According to the Arizona Partnership for Children, Families FIRST has five goals: increase in timeliness, availability and access to services, helping families recover from alcohol and drug abuse, child safety and reduction of abuse and neglect, permanency for children through reunification with their families, and allowing parents to achieve stability through employment. To help families reach these goals, Families FIRST employees work face to face with parents from the beginning of their dependency case to help motivate them to get on track from the beginning. In Maricopa County, when a parent has had their child removed from their home due to substance abuse, the parents have an opportunity to participate in what is called Family Treatment Court. Family Treatment Court is a program ran by judges in the Maricopa County Superior Court that gives parents an opportunity to become motivated and help better prepare them for what they will face in court. Family Treatment Court has three different phases. During phase one, each parent is required to come to court once a week. The judge gets reports from each parent's recovery program and drug testing facility. If the parent has gone to all their groups, tested negative on all their tests, and called every day to see if they were supposed to test, the parent is rewarded through the court. If not, the parent is asked to complete a sanction. These sanctions are usually some kind of therapeutic worksheet to help the parent take a deeper look inside. To promote to phase two, the parent must complete a Standard Outpatient recovery program and go into recovery maintenance. Once the parent is in phase two, the parent only must come every other week. To promote to phase three, the parent must complete recovery maintenance. Once in phase three, the parent only must come once a month and continue to show maintained sobriety. Once they have completed phase three, the parent can graduate the program. This program has shown that 98% of parents that participate reunify with their children. This program is so beneficial to parents who are struggling with drug use. It helps to breakdown the intimidation of their case and allows them to learn how to hold themselves accountable. The Family Involvement Center is a place that can help heal the family. Family Involvement Center is a family-run non-profit organization that allows children to receive emotional, behavioral, and mental health support. This program is a wonderful place for the whole family to learn how to rebuild after a dysfunctional break down of the family system. The Family Involvement Center offers family counseling, parenting classes, activities for youth, and run a parent assistance call center in order to help parents who are in need. This is helpful for any family that may need to re-learn a positive structure after the devastation of substance abuse. Parents for Parents is a program that I started in Maricopa County. As I was leaving the system after I had obtained custody of my daughter back, I realized there was a significant lack of parental guidance in the system. I did some research and came across a program in Seattle, Washington that was started by a woman named Kimberly Mays. I gave her a call and asked her how I would start something like her program up in Maricopa County. She told me that if I could get the support from the courts, she would help me start it up. I met with the Presiding Judge over the Juvenile court, Judge Colleen McNally, and she supported my idea. A couple weeks later, the Court sent me out to Seattle to observe their dependency court and their Parent Partner program. I came back to Arizona and on August 8, 2016 I started working on this program. Parents for Parents offers encouragement, empowerment, and education to parents who are navigating the dependency system. I have hired four other Parent Allies that serve as a partner for each parent. Much like a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous, the Parent Allies work with each parent overcome their obstacles and help them find the resources that they need to be successful in reunifying their family and remaining sober. Once a month, I run a support group for parents that have questions on substance abuse as well as other challenges that their families are facing. This program allows parents who are suffering to see what life can be like on the other side of addiction, but also to be able to work with someone that they can relate to. Addiction and substance abuse is a very serious disease. It doesn't only break down the person who is addicted, but the family. Parenting becomes nearly impossible for an addict to do because of the complete loss of self-control that they are experiencing. The great news is that there are many supports in the community for any parent who is willing to make the positive changes that need to be made to rebuild their family.

Hi Kellie, you have done a very good job on this essay. It is really informative and your intention to help others who were in a similar situation to yours is highly evident. However, I found that your opening statement was not as interesting as the rest of the essay because you opened it immediately with a statement of facts. That type of presentation is not very interesting for the reader. Perhaps you would want to consider reversing the presentation of the opening statement by first telling your story and then stating the facts in the second paragraph instead. I was really hooked by your story and how it relates to the information you provided. I also think that the essay can be even more interesting if you scatter references to your personal experience in relation to the research that you came across and agree or disagree with. This will allow your essay to have an in-depth analysis of the considerations, effects, and solutions possible when it comes to substance addiction. Good work. I know your peers will be very interested to carry on this discussion with you in the actual class setting.

## great type of film My personal idea for an independent Film to me is being able to create a movie in a unique way however, it should be outside of a studio system. When the film is being financed by an individual or a group of individuals there is usually no distribution deal. A film that isn't financially backed by a large production company, like Warner Bros, and Paramount is most likely an independent film. By making an independent film you should be able to bring amazing endless amount of ideas to life in the film without hesitation and worries of rule controlled by the studio. I believe an independent film is perfect for the first-time or small name directors and writers in the cinematic industry for several reasons. The first reason is you control every single detail that will appear in the films story. The creator can start creating with low budgets because it doesn't necessary have to mean low-quality movie as long the film has a good direction. The possibilities are endless because everything starts with an idea. Not all the Indi films have low budgets some can have more finances. It really all depends on the individual person themselves. An independent film literally means independence from anyone trying to tell you how to do something a certain way. Indi films are distinguishable for the content and style which are more original or cutting edge. In my opinion, there should always be theses four important quality's in a filmmaker in order to produce an amazing independent film and that is having persistence, passion, ability to tell great story's and God. Having passion for your story and the persistence to endure the challenges that will be faced will help bring the vision to life for everyone to see and understand. Persistence is good to have because life can be hard and Things may not always go the way we intended for them to turn out. Reasons such as financial problems, equipment malfunctions or simply with people. When facing rejection, the film maker should never give up and keep on moving forward which brings the second important key quality that is needed for making an independent film. Passion is a must have when making anything in life because without passion what's the purpose of the film. No passion for the story you are telling will just hurt the film and give people more excuses to claim on why independent movies are boring. The audience won't have a connection with the art made. Having the ability to tell a good story makes the film more interesting and intriguing. The film should be able to help viewers of any age from children and teens to adults forget about their problems, and makes them feel something. Leaving them thinking about the movie at the end. I think it's important for the film to help people relate to their own life unlike most movies done in Hollywood that are fake and people can't really say they relate. This type of film usually inspires other individuals all depending what the message of the story is about. God is important to have in every film makers lives because he is the only one that can truly guide, give wisdom, power and creativity which makes a person unique. Without him people making the film can fall to the pressure of the world. When I think of an independent film I always described it as family friendly thing free of inappropriate language and violence that children should not see and learn. In today's world many kids are more exposed to the internet where they can see many things like movies that are not okay for them to watch because they could think the content they are watching in a horror movie for example is completely normal to copy and do to other in the real world. Not all kids know what is wrong and what is right simply because they are very young, but with independent films out there I see these types of films changing the world for the better by having a better influence on the younger generation. I see independent films as a platform itself where filmmaker makes a movie that will bring up our spirts, inspire, fall in love, and bring happiness. Every time the world hears about a independent film we should already expect positive outcome before you watch. I know and believe that this type of film will make younger kids better people because the film will leave them thinking and wondering on what they just witnessed. We could see more great people come from this platform creating more positive messages not just in the film industry but in many other ways for a brighter tomorrow. Normally what I see in independent films are film makers sharing their personal experience that can be a variety of things from horrific experience to wonderful adventure that happened. I do believe it is also meant to spread awareness to everyone out there by educating us of events that can happen in the reality. Everyone should always learn at least one thing every day and with these great types of films that is something that can definitely happen. Many people have their own different opinions for an independent film because the world is full of human being with different taste. Some love and enjoy watching independent film appreciating the hard work that was shared. There are also those who just dislike these kinds of films because they prefer something more in the fiction side but when you ask me what my ideas are for an independent film, I will always respond the same way. It must have a good story created a unique way that will leave the audience with a positive message. A film made with good intentions passion, love and the backing of god is a blockbuster movie in my books automatically. This is my idea for an independent film. **( must be 1,000 words)**

Kebing, I am confused here. The title of your essay indicates that the reader is supposed to expect a story outline / discussion of an independent film idea that you wish to make. It does not tell the reader that you are going to give the meaning of an independent film on a personal basis. Kindly consider changing the title of your essay from the current one to something more appropriate such as "What an independent film means to me" or something more similar to what you have written. Remember, when your title is inappropriate for your essay, you will receive a lower score because you are thought to have misled the reader. In order to expand this essay, you can separate the reasons why you believe an indie film is the best film making method for a first time director. After all, you said that you believed there are several reasons. However, you only discuss one reason. You can discuss 2 reasons in 2 separate paragraphs in this instance in order to fully develop the discussion and achieve the word count. You should also expand upon the concluding statement that you wrote because it doesn't really sum up the discussion in the best manner. Do your best to develop a more interesting concluding statement for your essay. These two suggestions, if developed properly on your end will result in the word count being met.

*Topic: **Many countries are trying to improve the standard of living through economic development. However, some people think that traditional values are lost as a result of this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*** ## traditional ways of life have been lost Economic growth is likely to contribute to a thriving business in a country. While some people argue that economic developments lead to the loss of traditional cultures, personally I completely disagree with this point of view. It might be reasonable that authorities are trying their best to foster their country's economy in order that their basic needs have been improved. To begin with, they allow foreign companies to build industries in their country to provide more employment opportunities for native people. Furthermore, overseas companies are also able to cooperate with local businessman. As a result, many products in their country can be exported to foreign nations, helping their country's status on a global stage in terms of trading power. Lastly, their citizens can receive excellent pay packages from corporations due to the increase of companies' profits, which can help them improve their living standard. However, I believe that traditional values seem to be unaffected by boosting the country's economy. On the contrary, this is likely to maintain and develop traditional factors. To give just one example, today Vietnam has many traditional handicraft villages to meet their own needs but several households that create handicraft works have changed their jobs due to low revenues. Fortunately, their skillful products have been known by foreign enterprises and therefore have sold in many different countries around the world. Local people have turned back their careers and have continued to create sophisticated handicrafts. On the whole, it seems to me that traditional ways of life have been lost as a result of economic developments. By contrast, it can be considered as an important factor to preserve the traditions and customs of their own cultures. ------ This is the first time I have posted my essay on this website. I have taken part in IELTS tests many times but I haven't reached 6.5 score. I was totally upset and I hope everyone can help me correct my essay to improve my writing skills. Really thank you so much

Trinh, I believe that the main reason that you were unable to pass your test before is because of your improper prompt representation in the opening / paraphrasing statement. You failed to use keywords from the original prompt that would have kept your discussion in line with the original presentation. An example of a proper paraphrase for this essay is : *Countries have been trying to improve the standard of living of its people through the development of the country's economy. The problem, is that some people believe that this sort of improvement leads to the loss of traditional values. I tend to disagree with this point of view for several reasons that I will be presenting in this essay.* If you compare my paraphrasing with what you wrote, you will notice that there is a prompt deviation and misrepresentation in the one that you wrote. Additionally, you totally added your personal opinion as a factual discussion which should not have been done. You should have merely outlined the discussion points and then represented whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Remember, in an "or" situation, you pick one side to discuss and develop the body paragraphs around that point of view. You did not do that in this case. You chose to discuss both points of view instead. That shows a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements, which led to your low score in the actual exam. You need to be able to tell the difference between an opinion essay and a compare and contrast essay. In this case, the "or" indication meant that this was solely an opinion essay.

*Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.* ## different progress values It is crucial for many governments to devote to economic development first, while some individuals believe that other kinds of progress have equal values. My view is that governments cannot develop economy without paying attention to some other aspects such as environmental protection and public education. Some governments may believe that high-level economic achievement can be a foundation of other types of development. First of all, there will be increasing funding in the construction of basic facilities. As a result, more schools and hospitals can be built in communities so that it will be more available for children to receive education and for patients to see the doctor. Besides, a stable growth of economy can provide more job opportunities and higher salaries for employers, with which people will live in a rich and comfortable life. However, it is too narrow to focus on economic progress only. Some people suggest that governments should devote equally to other areas. For example, environmental protection is one thing that cannot be ignored at any moment. Once there is air pollution, habitat destruction or extinction of wild animals, it will be hard to solve those problems and money may be useless. The education of legal and moral principles is important in the same way. If people become rich but violate the laws and rules according to their own wills, the stability and safety of the whole society can no longer exist. In conclusion, it is worthwhile to develop economy so that more funding can be provided to the government and people earn more money to live a better life. However, I believe that other aspects play important roles in the society as well, so they should be paid more attention to and developed equally. -- Thanks for reading my essay! I am not very sure about the point in the third graph and I really look for your suggestion. Thank you!

Zhou, it is unacceptable for you to present your point of view in the opening statement. That is not allowed because the opening statement is only supposed to serve as the topic outline for the forthcoming body paragraph discussions. No information may be presented there because the examiner will be looking for task accuracy as well as cohesiveness and cohesion in the presentation. The latter cannot be developed in the first paragraph due to the limited sentence allotment. It is important that you limit your ideas to one discussion per paragraph in order to gain a better overall score. In your first paragraph, the presentation of the discussion is not smooth because you first discuss funding for public facilities then suddenly, you discuss work, salary, and employment towards the end. There are 3 ideas being discussed in a single paragraph, which represents a lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your discussion. This is a trait that is constant in all the paragraphs you created. Including your conclusion. Going back to your opening statement, please present one point of view as a separate sentence. This will help you to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement and also show your task accuracy skills and English comprehension skills. Your concluding statement should represent the reverse of the opening statement. Meaning, it should summarize the discussion as you presented it in the essay instead of the original paraphrased prompt.

**Prison is the common way in most countries to solve problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?** ## how to react to diminish the crime Government now is taking many measures to prevent criminal especially prison sentences. However, improvements on education have gained social endorsement as they think it's better than prison. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea since it nearly impossible to compare between two factors that are absolutely necessary for criminal. On the one hand, there has a variety of reasons that prisons are extremely necessary for social security. They are the place to keep the people who broke the law and to ensure safety of other citizens. Besides, dangerous criminals such as murderers or rapists must be imprisoned permanently so as to compensate for their heinous actions. Furthermore, being condemned to jail would appropriate freedom and have to live a miserable in a cell. Therefore, the people who tend to commit the law would reconsider before taking criminal actions. On the other hand, education is also considered as an important solution from the origin of crime. Education contributes greatly to heighten people's intellect and to build up a civilized society. Thanks to educational messages, people will have better awareness about the damage that crimes could cause to their community and even themselves eventually leading to the decrease in criminal rates. In addition, fundamental education like vocational training could provide a person a stable life, which could dispel completely every intentions of breaking law. In conclusion, dangerous objects like criminals must be punished but they also deserve to be educated well. I think there's no fixed way to deal with crimes whether imprisonment policies or better education as they both can tackle the problem in different suitable ways. Thanks for reading my essay!

Hi Linh, listen, when an essay asks if you agree or disagree with an opinion, don't discuss both sides in the essay. You aren't supposed to do that because the word "or" in the essay means you are expected to discuss only the opinion that you are supporting. When you discuss the one opinion that you support, include the reasons for your support in order to make an acceptable presentation of your opinion. In this essay, I am also unclear, as per your opening statement, as to which side of the discussion you do not support because you did not indicate it specifically in the opinion sentence at the close of this paragraph. So I went through your essay very confused as to which side you support because you did not really give a personal opinion discussion in the essay. Do you see why you need to discuss only one side of the opinion in this instance? Exactly, you can't have the reader guessing as to what you are trying to say. I would also like to advise you to improve your lexical resource / vocabulary skills. Some of the problematic references in your essay that led me to the conclusion that you need to further practice this area and become more familiar with the English language is that you kept on saying "criminal" when you meant to say "crime" and you actually referred to the "criminal" as an "object" when he is a person, not a thing. These small errors can have a very big effect on the down scoring of your essay so you should concentrate on improving your skills in this regard.

## sales and share prices for Coca-Cola the pie chart illustrated that the proportion of Coca-Cola sales around the World.According to the diagram,17.1 billion Coca-Cola sold in 2000.North America is the largest market for Coca-Cola,constituting 30.4%.the second largest market is Latin America,which occupied 25.7% of the sales.In addition,Sale in Europe and Asia is the third and fourth largest market which devoted 20.5% and 16.4% sales.Africa and Middle East purchased 7% of the total amount of Coke,which is the smallest market around the world. The line chart demonstrated that the share price of Coca-Cola in stock market.After a glance,Generally, the price raised between 1996 and 2001,though line fluctuated .In 1996,the price was around 32 pound.In 1998,the share value raised 43 dollar,came to 75 dollar per share.After 1998,the price decrease gradually.Each share descended to 52 dollar in 2001.Overall,price rose 20 dollar between 1996 and 2001.(139 Words) The chart and graph below give information about sales and share prices for Coca-Cola. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. * *Data*

Cheung, please pay attention to the English writing rules when you write your essays. Follow the "first word is always capitalized" rule as that is a standard requirement for all English written activities, not just essays. The minimum standard for the task 1 essay is 150 words. So, unless you forgot to mention that there was a lower word count requirement for this essay, you are under the word minimum count and will receive a penalty for it. You could have increased the word count if you had bothered to deliver a proper summary of the report. That is something that is required of all Task 1 essays and can be placed either at the beginning or the end of the essay. You did not place a summary anywhere. You went directly into the discussion of the illustration without offering a proper overview summary of the discussion for the reader to serve either as the opening or concluding statement of the essay. You only have 2 paragraphs in this essay when the minimum presentation is 3 paragraphs. There are really several shortcomings in your current presentation that will prevent this essay from garnering a passing score, at the very least, during the actual test. With regards to your graph analysis, since the figures provided are estimates, you should make sure to always use terms such as estimated, about, close to, and other similar terms to connote that the figures you are providing are only close to the graph but not the actual figure. It is extremely difficult to claim an actual figure in this case because the graph lines did not fall on the actual number, but always somewhere in between. Therefore, the presentation must be as close to an estimation as you can get of the actual figure. Be consistent about that presentation. Don't suddenly sound sure because the image was unable to provide you with accurate information.

Would someone please help me score my essay on this ielts task2 sample question? **Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?** ## solutions to the traffic problem People spend a lot of time on travelling daily and the amount of time is increasing because the traffic is getting busier everyday. Busy traffic also creates pollution problems that endanger our lives. To overcome these problems, people suggest the government to increase the price of petrol and I agree with this viewpoint. In addition, increasing the license fee is another effective solution. Raising the price of petrol can significantly reduces the numbers of vehicles travelling on the road and effectively control the growth of traffic because the cost of driving will be too high to afford by the general public. The cost of fuel plus other expenses including vehicle insurance and maintenance will reduce people's incentive to own a private car and switch to public transportation. For example, the travelling cost from downtown to the airport by car is around a hundred dollars whereas bus fare is just less than thirty dollars. As a result, the government can resolve traffic congestion easily by adjusting the petrol price level. After the number of vehicles on the road has decreased, the air quality will improve that leads to better health condition of the citizens. This is because the combustion of petrol in vehicle engine emits a lot of harmful particles to the air and causes various kinds of respiratory diseases after being inhaled by human. For instance, statistics shows that the air pollution index in areas near major highway or city centers with busy traffic are on average three times than that of the countrysides. In addition to the above measures, the government can double or triple the existing vehicle license fee and this act will discourage people to maintain their cars and travel by other means, thus reduce the amount of cars on the road further. To conclude, the solutions to our traffic problem lies in the hand of our government. By increasing the petrol price and license fee, our world will become a better place to live.

@ruby1231 I believe that the overall score for your essay would be somewhere in the 5 range. This is a score that I based on problems with your task accuracy, your cohesiveness and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar range. Your task accuracy had to be marked down because instead of presenting a properly paraphrased opening statement, you began to immediately discuss facts in the paragraph. The discussion proper of the essay is not supposed to be presented until the 2nd-4th paragraphs. The opening statement is merely used to explain to the examiner what you understood of the original prompt topic and how it is ti be discussed. Under no circumstance are discussions to be done there because there are only 5 sentences allowed per paragraph and the opening statement will not allow for the proper discussion development along with a proper paraphrasing of the topic. By the way, when you are asked to what extent you agree or disagree, you need to use that exact phrase in your paraphrasing. For example, you could have said; "I agree with that statement to a certain extent because of reasons to be discussed below." That would be a proper close to the opening statement paragraph. Always note the keywords in the original discussion and use these to help boost your score in the actual essay. You also need to have at least 4 fully developed paragraphs in the essay. Your 4th paragraph is under utilized and under developed. This will result in a mark down of your score because you did not show a coherent and cohesive discussion throughout your essay. Needless to say, your conclusion also suffers from a proper representation of the previous discussion, summarized reasons, and repetition of your personal opinion.

I am preparing for my ielts test and I find that writing is the most difficult, thanks for any help in suggesting ways to improve my writing. **Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.** ## the argument about doing school tasks at home People have different views on whether schools ought to give any homework to children. Some argue against the presence of homework as it put too much pressure on the children but in my opinion I believe it is necessary and of vital importance in children's education. People think that homework is unnecessary for several reasons. Firstly, parents often find that their children are exhausted after attending a full day at school. They should have enough time to rest instead of doing homework in order to replenish and be ready for tomorrow's challenge. Secondly, studies have shown that playtime is equally important to children's development as study time. For example, doctors suggest daily exercising helps promote our brain development and will make us smarter. Finally, parents working full time disapprove the idea of homework because they often have to help their child in solving homework problems after work which is not desirable from their perspective. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that homework is important in educating our children. For example, by teaching students to complete their assignment on schedule, they can develop a sense of responsibility and self discipline. In addition, some kinds of challenging questions in the homework can simulate children to think and become more intelligent. Another benefit is that homework provides a way for teachers to understand what kind of difficulties the students are having so that they can revise the syllabus and be more focus on those problematic area during their teaching. In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawback on our children, but I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long run.

Wally the whole approach that you took to discussing this essay is not in accordance with the prompt requirement. Your paraphrasing alone shows that you misunderstood the task assigned and as such, you ended up portraying an unacceptable version of the prompt. It is unacceptable because it does not follow the instructions you were originally provided. The prompt instructions said "discuss both sides and give your opinion." You discussed only one side then gave your personal opinion. The essay also suffers from a lack of cohesiveness and coherence because you discuss too many topics in one paragraph. Each paragraph must only discuss one topic in order to properly develop complex sentences that lead to the cohesiveness of the presentation and a clear understanding (coherence) of the paragraph discussion. You need to present only one topic for discussion. The failure of the cohesiveness and cohesion stems from you trying to show off your knowledge of the topic instead of your ability to discuss the topic. Those are two different things. Just show your ability to discuss one reason for the given topic per paragraph. Don't show off your vocabulary skills that are not perfect. Just prove that you can discuss in an understandable manner in English. Nothing more, nothing less. Your conclusion is also faulty as it is only a single sentence when the minimum requirement is 3 sentences per paragraph. So the essay was not concluded in the proper manner and doesn't contain the correct information in relation to an effective concluding statement. What two sides were you supposed to discuss? The first side was "people think homework is necessary because it plays a role in the child's education." and the other "Others believe homework should not be given". Then your personal opinion comes last. Review the prompt requirements, you will see that you only discussed 2 parts in what should have been a 5 paragraph essay.

**Topic: Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.** ## purchasing international programs or self-making productions? People have conflicting opinions about the effectiveness of foreign film import as opposed to self-production. While importing foreign movies could benefit one nation in many aspects, I believe that it would be better for a country to create movies for their citizens. There are certain reasons for which governments should permit film import. First of all, broadcasting various types of movie can increase the number of viewers, which will certainly bring more profit for film companies. It is obvious that diverse range of movie types will undoubtedly appeal more viewers as there are more options to choose. Another reason is local citizens can have a deeper insight into different cultures and traditional values of other nations. As they have access to distinct customs, they can draw some good lessons from other peoples. For instance, there are many good manners of Japanese that locals can learn and alter their behaviors such as the habit of queuing or people can learn the way Western people say "thank you" and "sorry". Lastly, importing films from other countries is an effective way to study second languages. On the other hand, I argue that local programs and movies will exert more positive influences on national art and culture. As we all know, self-producing movies and programs can create more careers for citizens. National production can lead to an increase in jobs for those who have a burning desire to be actors, actress or film makers. Another advantage of creating domestic programs is it will make native values survive, and even flourish. By watching local documentaries, locals can have a good understanding of cultural identity and therefore, it will help to preserve native culture and local lifestyle. In sharp contrast, one possible consequence if international programs have become so pervasive in one country is people may underestimate and lose interest on local tradition and values. In conclusion, even though purchasing international programs gives rise to numerous merits,I believe that self-making films plays an indispensable role in cultural development.

Tung, your essay lacks proper discussion developments that could have better represented a cohesive and coherent discussion. I think that this problem stems from your desire to discuss both points of view in one paragraph so that you can conclude with a personal opinion. I am not sure if you have been instructed not to do this by your tutor because that is what I would tell you once I review your work. This essay does not properly represent the prompt requirements for a number of reasons. The major problem that I see is that you were being asked to discuss 2 reasons. One is the side that supports the importation of foreign films and the other, the side that seeks to have more locally produced movies. You discussed the locally produced side only from a personal point of view. The prompt requires a public point of view discussion prior to your personal point of view discussion. This representation is also missing from your prompt paraphrasing in the opening statement. It is because of this error in discussion that you ended up showing that you did not understand the task requirements, which led to you changing the prompt instructions to something that you decided to do on your own. This would be an automatic fail in the actual test. The score won't be higher than a 3. When the instruction states that you have to discuss both points of view and then your personal opinion, that is exactly what you have to do. This essay represents only 2 of the requirements. It also has an improperly developed concluding statement because of the lack of proper discussion summary prior to your closing line.

Prompt: ## Strength Harris got a brain like a sieve. Be it something as crucial as a wallet and a phone, or things as silly as an eraser and school paperwork, he always lost his possessions. One day, he went to a mall to buy replacement for his missing stationery. It was a Sunday morning, and the lively mall was filled with people. After he paid for the stationery, he leaved the mall, a bag in one hand and a wallet in the other hand. He decided to go home since he already got what he needed. All of a sudden, someone bumped into him, causing Harris to fall down on the floor. He winced in pain and snapped his head up in anger to scold the person. Instead of the culprit, he saw nobody. People passed by him without stopping to help, only gave him glances before continuing their walks. The evildoer vanished from his sight, and for a moment Harris thought if he imagined thing. Maybe he stumbled on his own feet and caused his own falling. Harris continued his way to the bus stop and entered a bus as soon as one arrived. In the bus, Harris realized he lost his wallet. He panicked, eyes widened as he searched high and low for his wallet but to no avail. The drive chased him away when he knew Harris couldn't afford to pay the ride. Heart beating hard, Hide tried to remember the last time he had his wallet with him. Where did it went to? The boy wanted to go home, but he was penniless and he didn't have his phone to call his mother so she could pick him up. Harris built his courage up and asked for help from some passerby. Just like on his earlier incident, nobody paid him any attention. Heaving a sigh, Harris slumped down on a bench near the bus stop. What felt like hours later, someone approached him. It was a small lady dressed in a uniform. She had a warm smile, her eyes crinkled and cheeks rose up as she stopped in front of Harris. "Young boy, are you in trouble? You look so sad." The woman asked, lips frowned slightly at Harris's poor state. Harris was hungry from hours of empty stomach. He knew no way to contact his mother, and the worst of all, he didn't know the way to his house if he wanted to walk back home. Harris told her everything. Out of pity, the woman gave him some money. Harris rejected it right away. It would be just enough if the woman lend him her phone, but the lady insisted he take the cash, saying she didn't own a phone. Harris thanked the kind lady. He promised to treat her to a meal if they meet again. Feeling energetic, Harris searched for the nearest public phone and called his mother. Harris learned a lesson. Next time, he would be more careful of his things, and if he saw someone in need, Harris would help the person, regardless of what the problem would be.

Sharisha, pay attention to the tense usage in your presentation. You tend to confuse your present and past tense usage which makes the essay difficult to understand. Are you writing this as part of your English language practice? If you are, then you didn't do a bad job. While there are some problems work your sentence development, the essay itself was still understandable. Your grammar structure should improve over time as you get more used to reading, thinking, and writing in English. The story is interesting but could have used a better hook at the start to interest the reader. The character is very one dimensional at the moment and could use some physical description to help the reader better imagine the narrated events. To much description workout action or dialogue to cut the narrative at picture points made the essay boring to read later on. The character interaction was too mechanical. They're was no real twist to the story that could have made for a more interesting climax. That part was so textbook in presentation that the ending was easily guessed from the start of the story. Not a bad attempt though. You have the potential to get better.

Topic 4: **Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.** ................................... Please give me comment and score this essay. Sincerely thanks ....................................... ## Spend money now or keep it for the future needs Spending in the present or saving money for future has been a topical debate for a long time. I will discuss some valid arguments and give a personal opinion in the following essay. On the first perspective, spending money, the supporters presume that, in the present society, we have to pay a lot of daily costs such as food, drinks, house renting and consumer items, so spending is inevitable. Moreover, when we spend money, we also help the cash in economy flows influent; by that way, we increase the economy, create more jobs for the job market and currently solve one of the most serious dilemmas in the world - unemployed issue. Besides, we only live once and if we ponder too much about future and forget to enjoy a flavor of present life, this is a bad idea. If spending money can make our life easier and bring happiness for us, why don't we use it like tools to develop our life? However, in the other school of thought, people who advocate saving money acclaim because money is the tool to get the easier life, we have to exploit it efficiently. We live in the turmoil world and everything will happen such as getting fired, having a disease or relating financial crisis; in those urgent circumstances, the saving money is essential. Turning to the daily unavoidable costs, we can't refute those; however, we can control how to spend money and saving is the greatest method to teach youngsters about financial management skill. That skill is the predominant key to help them get the success in future. Finally, in macroeconomic aspect, the most fundamental reason for the crisis in 2007 is personal individuals, corporators and governments can't control their spending and exceed the real budget; this creates the big hole in the currency economic. Overall, in my personal opinion, I extremely agree that we should save money for rainy day because of some unpredictable issues in future. Besides, the small reservation is the good start for some long-term schemes such as start-up, buying a house.

Nguye, let me help you out with your formatting here since you posted a series of questions relating to it. There is a standard format to the IELTS task 2 essay depending upon the required elements for discussion. The required elements are represented as follows: 1. Paraphrased opening statement 2. body paragraph 3. body paragraph 4. body paragraph or personal opinion ( if required) 5. concluding summary The best way for you to control your word and sentence limit is really simple. Don't try to discuss too much in a given paragraph. The aim of the test is to prove that you have the ability to understand English discussions and discuss the same. Therefore, you need not impress the examiner with too much information. One piece of properly developed and presented information will be the best way to meet the sentence and word requirement of the essay. Focus on one information to present in your outline. Not more than that. Control your desire to discuss too much because it is not required. A properly selected reason is better than 4 selected reasons that do not properly represent your coherence and cohesiveness abilities when it comes to writing.

**The diagram shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.** ## from an egg to the adult honey bee The pictures demonstrate how the honey bee is born and grows. The entire process involves 7 stages which are from being laid as an egg to being mature. It takes 34 to 36 days. The first stage of the life cycle starts with laying egg by female adult honey bee. In every three days, she lays 1 or 2 eggs at a time. Next, the egg laid hatches 9 to 10 days later and the nymph appears. At the third stage, it moults 3 times as it grows in the 5th, 12th and 21st days respectively after the day it is out of the egg. It grows bigger as every time it removes its old skin. Having shed its skin 3 times, it becomes a young adult honey bee. At last, it spends 4 more days to be an adult honey bee. This sequence is repeated after it is complete. (150 words) Thank you for your time to read my essay and please feel free to comment on it. *

Peter, when the word minimum is 150, you should not just write 150 words. You wrote just enough to pass the test at the lowest possible passing score. You should write at least 200 words in order to give yourself an opportunity to properly represent your complex sentence structure abilities in the test. That means you need to go beyond just the obvious illustration in the diagram. This is done by further studying the illustration you were provided with. In your given statement, you said that the moulting period occurred within the 5th, 12, and 21st days of the development of the bee. The thing is, the moulting period is a separate part of the development of the bee because this is when the bee comes to maturity. As such, you should have indicated this as a separate part of the maturation cyle. Further analysis of the bee during this period shows that there is a physical development that occurs. It was not represented in your essay. That is why your presentation is very short. In a Task 1 essay, you need to give additional time to the illustration analysis before you write the essay. Make sure that you did not miss any development points in the illustration and always, decide upon a given development is a part of the cycle or a separate, but connected part of the cycle provided. Those are 2 different things.

**A lot of people want to get married at later ages. Why is this trend popular ? Is it a good development ?** ## marriage among older couples Marriage has long been viewed as one of the biggest decisions of life. However, marriage in the later ages seems to become a common phenomenon these days. The following essay will discuss the reasons and consider whether it is positive or not. To begin with, there are many reasons leading to the trend. First of all, it is obvious that discovering the self has become the number one priority of many people in the modern life. In other words, many people tend to spend most of their time to enjoy their personal life or pursue their own interests such as travelling, studying rather than taking a nuptial vow. On the other hand, the fast changing world creates many opportunities for people to establish their dream career. As a result, many people will make full use of the time before marriage to focusing on their goals in working. Hence, tying a knot becomes one of the barriers to gain their career achievements. As to the question of whether this trend is good or not. There is no doubt that this tendency is highly beneficial for people in many aspects. Firstly, we cannot deny the fact that when being mature, people develop better perspectives of everything and this means that it helps people deal with marriage in an efficient way. Besides, this trend also helps people create a strong bank balance for a stable future and ensure financial security for the rest of time. However, all things contain within them both merits and drawbacks and marriage in the middle ages is not the exception. Obviously, when getting married later, people have to live under enormous pressure coming from their parents and their surrounding environment. More seriously, it often becomes hard for couples in a later marriage to spend quality time together as job and career become more important to them. In conclusion, tying a knot later in life comes with both advantages and disadvantages. **P/s: I'm stuck at the conclusion. I really appreciate for any comments and clues.**

Tram, this is a good essay. The only problem that I see with it is a disconnection between your discussion as to why this is a popular trend these days and why it should be considered a good development. It is important that you learn to discuss two connecting reasons or thoughts within one paragraph in order to make it most effective in discussing the topic. Take for example your first example, you mentioned at the end of it that getting married is a barrier to career achievements. That would have been the best topic to focus the whole paragraph on instead of presenting separate reasons that don't really have a chance to be properly defended in your discussion. If you had opted instead to discuss why marriage is a barrier towards career opportunities, then you would have been able to effectively represent the reason the trend is popular and the positive side of that. Your second paragraph has the same problem. It has too much going on without really giving a strong impact as to the supporting discussion. Statements that only deliver half a reason is not as good as delivering one reason with a strong supporting statement. That is the kind of paragraph that allows for complex sentence development and an increased mark up in your final score. As for the conclusion, it seems like you did not even try to develop one on your own. You even deviated from the prompt requirement by indicating and advantage and disadvantage reference when only the advantage needed to be referenced. The final paragraph should be written in the same manner as your opening statement. The only difference being that in the conclusion, you can mention the reasons you stated in the body and then close by repeating the belief that *"marriage at a later age is a good development because of the preceding discussion"*. No need to mention the disadvantages because there is no mention of that in the original instructions.

***The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*** ## most popular energy sources in France The pie charts illustrate five sources of energy production in France. They are categorized as coal, gas, petrol, nuclear and other sources, with the years chosen for the comparative analysis being 1995 and 2005. The essay will summarize the change in the share of energy production from each source and make comparisons where necessary. Overall, in both years, the primary sources in France were coal and gas, which together made up over half the production of energy, while nuclear and other sources generated the least amount of energy. In almost all types of sources, there was just minimum change over the ten year period. However, the share of petrol underwent a modest drop. Coal provided 29.80% of energy production in the first year and the share increased to 30.93% ten years latter. Gas accounted for 29.63% and 30.31% of energy production in 1995 and 2005 respectively, placing it the second place behind coal. Petrol retained its position as the third largest source in 2005, though its share of energy production dwindled from 29.27% to 19.55%. With regard to nuclear, there was an approximate 5% growth in energy production from nuclear. Its share rose from 6.40% to 10.10%. Other sources followed a similar pattern, their share up from 4.90% to 9.10%. Nevertheless, their contributions to energy production in France were still smallest. **I would be more appreciate it if you score my essay.** *

Gang, I would like to applaud your analysis of this essay. Save for a very minor oversight in the second paragraph, where neglected to offer a subject for the sentence and as such did not really have a point to its structure and construction. It was supposed to say; "... the primary sources *OF ENERGY* in France.." That is a very minimal mistake that can easily be overlooked by the examiner with an analysis essay that has this sort of high quality to it. The observations went beyond the obvious and shows that you really examined the pie chart you were provided with and sought to find comparisons whenever necessary and relevant. In my opinion, this sort of handiwork will not score less than a 7. You have presented some pretty solid work here and I was hard pressed to find any marked errors in it. I am pleased to see that you have applied the lessons taught to you in such a manner. Keep writing like this and you will be sure to pass the test. Good job!

**Writing task 1: 2 charts Japanese tourists traveling abroad and Australia's share of tourist market** ## Japanese travelers in foreign countries The graphs below describe the number of Japanese people traveling oversea from 1985 to 1995 and the market share of Australia in Japanese tourism. According to the charts, there is an upward trend in the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad and Australia held a large share in Japanese tourist market in over 10 years. From 1985 to 1990, the number of Japanese travelers globally increased dramatically from about 5 millions to roughly 11 millions before dipping to just over 10 millions in the next year. There was a slight growth from 10 millions to approximately 12 millions in the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1992 to 1993, followed by a rapid rise to just under 16 millions from 1994 to the end of the period. On the other hand, the proportion of Japanese people traveling to Australia rose considerably from about 2% to 5% between 1985 and 1989. The percentage of Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market experienced a slight decline from 1989 to 1990 before going up gradually to just over 6% in 1994. However, at the end of the period, the figure decreased moderately to 6 millions.

Phuong, kindly remember that we are unable to accurately review your essay when you do not upload the illustration that you based the summary analysis upon. It helps guide our review of your work and allows us to see the inaccuracies and deficiencies in your written work. I will only be able to give you a superficial assessment of your work since you failed to include the image for our reference. I will not review your summary overview because I do not have any material to base your claims upon. While you did write more than the minimum of 150 words, the formatting that you used is problematic. The Task 1 essay normally has 3 paragraphs at a minimum because the analysis is composed of an overview and at least 2 body paragraphs, plus an optional conclusion. You only have 2 paragraphs which means that this work has a number of items missing from the original illustration. I just cannot pinpoint it because of the lack of the image for comparison. It is always best to aim to write at least 3 paragraphs for this essay in order to prove your English comprehension skills and writing abilities. Your essay suffers from run on sentences. Your second paragraph is too long because you chose to use commas to separate the discussion instead of full stops using a period. The period is the more accurate method of writing this essay because it allows you to present short facts in complex sentences. In this case, there is a lack of proper paragraph development even though your GRA is acceptable. Using sentences allows the reader to pause and consider what you have just written. It is part of the summary presentation process so it should not be omitted in your presentations. I think that this is a good essay but I cannot be sure unless I can counter check it with the original. It's too late for that now because a contributor can only give one advice per thread. That is why I cannot score your work either. Please don't forget to upload the image with your next posting so that a better review of your essay can be made. As of now, this is as far as I can do with advising you.

Hello, everyone. I created this essay in my scoring for IELTS. I hope you would give some feedback for this, i'm glad about it, thanks in advance. The topic is "**Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent you agree or disagree?"** \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ## Marriage at young age In this era, marriage issues need to be discussed which is shown by an argument that marriage should be occur at young age under 22 is legal. I, personally, disagree with this statement because youth might establish the household at age less than 21 years. This essay explains some reasons which are supporting the opposition of first argument. Despite the fact that people who are married at young age have unstable emotional. They might get trouble between themselves and their spouse. Thus, marriage in teenage years should be prepared and should not be allowed in age which is too young. Nonetheless, youth should get marriage at age under 21 because they tend to be more productive and energetic compared to older people. In household, they would cleared all of their challenges of life together with husband or wife. Then, this could relieve their stress because usually, young couple are more cheerful to against a problem. For instance, a wife gets a problem in her office then she could share it with her husband who might help to finished it. In addition, young people who marry in young age would reduce number of youth who conduct free-sex which is a danger for health of their reproduction organs. Free-sex are notorious in youth and peers as well as marry could make them realize about family and they would stop conducting free-sex. By way of conclusion, it is legal circumstance if people marriage at young age, it should not be at least 21 but it might be less than that, such as 17 or 18. government should enact a strict regulation to control it.

Putri, there are so many problems with the way that you wrote this essay that I cannot figure out where to begin in assessing and commenting on them. Let me just say right off the bat that this essay will not get a score higher than a 3 in an actual setting. That is because of the severe distortion of the message you are trying to deliver due to your lack of control over English grammar, thus causing a lack of accuracy in the way that you express yourself and deliver your line of thought. Your opening statement shows that you did not understand the method by which you were required to present and discuss the given topic. An example of the correct paraphrasing for the opening statement follows below: *A discussion has been ongoing regarding the proper legal age for marriage. The point of discussion has to do with the opinion that the legal age for marriage should be at least 21. In this essay, I will be discussing the extent of my disagreement with this public opinion.* If you will compare the opening paraphrase that I wrote and then compare it with the original prompt, you should see that you misunderstood the topic being presented and the discussion requirement. You were discussing the establishment of the age of marriage when the actual topic was "the legal age for marriage should be at least 21". A topic which is far different from what you presented in your discussion. Your discussion should have indicated, in the second paragraph that; *One of these reasons is that I disagree with the age of 21 being the legal age for marriage is...* It is important that you first increase your understanding of the English language by improving your comprehension skills first. If you cannot understand the instructions or the topic for discussion, then you will not be able to properly discuss it. So first, learn to understand English and then, practice writing simple essays first. Don't use the standard IELTS questions at the start. Just write essays that are free of formatting standards and scoring expectations so you can get used to writing int he language and develop your simple English grammar skills. Only when you have perfected this portion can you move on to the more advanced demands of the IELTS test essays.

*The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.* ## the road from study to work The first bar chart illustrates the motivations for students in various age classes to study while the second one provides information about support offered by employers across different ages. In general, young students tended to learn for career whereas older students pursued studies for the sake of interest. In addition, employers preferred to support students who were under 26 years old. It is apparent that career is a critical driving factor for students under 40 years old to study. There were almost 80% and around 70% of students aged below 26 and 26 to 29 respectively admitted that career was the reason for them to have higher education qualification. Even though the figure of age group 30 to 39 was lower, the share of people in this group agreed with studying for career still exceeded the half of total portion of this group. In contrast, less than one third of respondents claimed that their own interest encouraged them to study further. The situation reversed at the group of 40 to 49 in which the number of interviewees claims they learnt for career and interest which were the same were 40%. In the group of over 49, more than two thirds of respondents stated that interest was their stimulus to study. As for support from employer, the age group of below 26 was most likely to receive support from their employers. Over 60% of students aged lower than 26 were supported by employers. However, students aged 30 to 39 had the lowest probability to receive help which was about one third of total. This figures increased slightly for students in their forties and above. (273 words) *

Peter in terms of a summary overview, you could have had a better presentation if you had actually indicated the age groups that were to be presented. After all, the age groups are part of the comparison portion between student rate and employer support rate. That way, the outline of the discussion would have been better provided and the reader would have had a clearer idea as to what the discussion coverage was. In your last paragraph, you should have used a more affirmative tone rather than a supposing point of view in terms of the age of 30-39 having a "probability" factor because the graph was pretty specific about employers withholding financial support for studies of employees beyond that age range. In fact, I believe that you could have instead used the term "estimate" or "estimated" because there was still a degree of support for that age range indicated in the bar chart. The presentation should have positively indicated that *"Employers gave minimal support to employees between the ages of 30-39 at an average 40%. The lowest employer support percentage in the chart."*

Topic: **Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.** ..................................................................................................................................................... Please give me comments and score for my essay. ..................................................................................................................................................... ## Gap year between school and university Nowadays, having a gap year before attending college is popular tender of many youngsters but it also creates a large controversial in society. I will discuss some valid arguments and give my personal opinion in the following essay. On the one hand, some opponents assume that a year school off wastes not only youngsters' time but also money. We all aware that they have just graduated high school, so the money supporting for their journeys absolutely is from their parents or even bank's loan. In addition, instead of studying, the youngsters will be distracted by traveling. No one ensures all of them will spend their time for real experiences or just traveling with friends? Finally, in the turmoil world, nothing is insurance; we can't predict anything happens in their trips such as robbery, being kidnapped, violent relation or even being murdered and that is the poor start for their future. On the other hand, some supporters oppose the rarely bad circumstance like those, they presume that gap year is the great way for youngster gaining the new experiences after living with their parent nearly twenty years. In a year school off, they can study how to start their own lives without family, they have to learn how to live in the strange place with new people. Those experiences are the means which help them more mature. Moreover, youngsters also study and practice new skills like time management, financial control, and interpersonal communication skill; those are the greatly important keys for them to get a success in the future. One and the most fundamental reason for encouraging the youngsters take the gap year is many nowadays employers appreciate candidates who take the year off after graduating high school and with that experiences, youngsters can get the good jobs in future. Overall, I think the benefits of gap year overweight the disadvantages. In my opinion, youngsters should go out explore the world and gain new experiences with the obvious plan for their trip.

Nguye, I will give your work a score of 4 across all the 4 scoring considerations. Your paraphrasing is inaccurate in terms of properly representing the prompt requirements because of the improperly represented discussion outline. The outline should have been: *Some people believe that taking a gap year after high school to travel is a good idea. **Others who disagree with this belief believe that this is a bad idea for several reasons.** In this essay, I will be discussing the two opposing points of view with the addition of my personal opinion at the end.* Nguye: Correction to the opening statement is in bold. GRA score is 4. Note how I represented each point of view individually. This shows the examiner that you understand the subject of the prompt. Then I outlined what will be discussed, the two points of view and my personal opinion. This presentation proves that I am capable of understanding the instructions provided and that I will be discussing it in the expected manner. Your line of reasoning is good but needs to be better developed. It is always best to take the most impressive topic for the argument, just one topic, and then totally develop that discussion in 3-5 sentences. It helps to increase your GRA score when you are concentrated on only one topic instead of discussing so many topics in the paragraph that you barely are able to justify your reasons and properly develop your sentences. The fact that you tried to discuss more than one reason really weakened your presentation when it could have been strong enough to score at least a 5. There is a lack of complex sentences in your writing and the grammar problems abound. You obviously did not have time to proof read and edit your essay before submission. Always leave at least 5 minutes to do that before the end of the allotted time. When you are discussing two opposing points of view, making sure that you discuss the same topic as the one you previously presented makes your presentation even stronger. That is because the line of reasoning shifts to a debate mode which allows you to show the same school of thought using 2 different considerations, the good and the bad. So if you discuss how the parents take a bank loan to pay for the trip for their child, and that is considered a positive, how does that translate into a negative? That is the new opposing paragraph that you should have written. As for your personal opinion, you cannot make that part of the conclusion. For the personal opinion, you could have reflected on whether you would have taken a gap year abroad and what your reasons would be. That would justify your support or non-support of one of the given discussion sides. The the proper concluding summary of the discussion and a reiteration of your opinion was all that was required for the closing paragraph.

**Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer.** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ## taking care of children Some people believe that women make better parents than men. They say that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. On the other hand, some people consider that men are just as good as women at parenting. For my part, I don't agree on the second idea. I absolutely agree with the first idea. There are a few reasons why people prefer this. However, two most significant reasons are genetically mother has better quality and women usually spend more time in taking care of their children. One significant reason why people prefer women in taking care of their children is that genetically mother has better quality in taking care of their children. İn other words, the mother has many skills in the care of their children. For instance, mother more tolerant than the father in the care of their children because women have an emotion of motherliness. In addition, mothers can transfer their experience to their daughters to become perfect mothers in the future. As a result, if they want to children in taking care, they should choose women Apart from mother have better quality in taking care of their children, women usually spend more time with their children than men because, in many countries, they are usually less engaged in working. Therefore, they can recognize their children better. In addition, mothers can solve their children's problems because the mother must spend more time with their children and gets to know them better. As a result, it is the right choice for women to raise children. In conclusion, women can better than men in taking care of children. In other words, if people want to better children in taking of care, they should choose women. As a result, from what has been said, it is the right choice for women to raise children. WORD COUNT:306

Atakan, this is not a comparison and point of view essay. This is a straightforward personal opinion essay. So the way you wrote the essay doesn't really address the prompt instructions for the discussion. A paraphrasing adjustment is in order in this case that should reflect the major instruction of the paper. The adjustment to your essay should sound like this: *Some people believe that women are better at raising children than men. Others believe that men can be just as effective in raising children. In this essay, I will be discussing my point of view regarding this issue. In my opinion, women are better at raising and taking care of children because...* The only problem that I see with your paper is in the opening statement / paraphrasing. The reasons that you discuss within your body paragraphs are sound and valid. These are reasons that most people consider and are popularly accepted as common knowledge. If you could have used a personal experience to further validate your point of view, the discussion would have been scored even higher. In fact, the addition of a negative opinion, using an example, of how a father is not as well equipped in raising children would have further shown an in-depth consideration of the discussion and increased your score even further. Regardless of the slight mistakes in punctuation and grammar, you have a well developed discussion and could easily score high marks because of your language proficiency, regardless of the minimal GRA problems. The only scoring down would have been in the opening statement and conclusion portion of the discussion. Your conclusion continued the discussion instead of summarizing the information and delivering a closing statement based on the aforementioned information in your essay. A simple opening line that indicates the conclusion could have been *"In conclusion", "Finally", "To close my opinion statement I would like to reiterate that.."* among others.

**Surveys conducted in 1982 and 2002 show different pictures of what motivate students to choose a college or university in the U.K. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.** ## decisive factors for schools choice The pie charts shed light on six factors that encouraged British students to choose a college or university in 1985 and 2002. Overall, in 2002, they placed a much higher premium on amenities, social activities and facilities and reputation of the institution. Costs, however, came to be of little importance. As to the rest, there was only minimal change over the 17 year period. The share of respondents who took into account reputation of the institution was 25% in 2002, five times higher than that in 1982. The factor of amenities, social activities and facilities followed a similar pattern, with 18% of respondents valuing it in 2002, up 13% from 1982. In terms of costs, only a small fraction (5%) of respondents weighed the factor before making their choices, while the proportion was 28% in 1982. The factor of suitable courses and degrees remained most influential in 2002, though the share of respondents took it into consideration diminished by 6% as compared with 40% in 1982. Closeness to parental home was an attractive advantage to 16% of respondents, a moderate decline of 3% from 1982. Admission criteria mattered least in both years, as the factor was considered by just 3% of respondents in 1982 and 2% in 2002. **I would be more appreciate it if you score my essay.** * *

Gang, I believe that this essay can score a 5 in an actual setting. The basis for the scoring is based upon the manner by which you present the information. You use terms such as "five times higher" without giving the actual value in percentage of the increase based upon the pie charts information. Be cognizant of the fact that when you are presented with two images, you are to summarize the essay in a compare and contrast format. That is because you need to make accurate representations of the images. Do not use parenthesis to indicate values because the values are the actual purpose of the summary analysis. By placing it in a parenthesis, you remove the importance of the value and thus, weaken the sentence topic development for that paragraph. Your body paragraphs are good and it shows that you have done your best to represent the figures for discussion in the best manner possible. However, I do not see any summary overview analysis in the essay. That could be placed at the beginning or at the end of the essay. It is really of a personal choice but it must be represented in this essay. A sample summary overview of the essay (at the beginning) could have been written as: *A study was conducted comparing the factors that influence student choices. The years chosen for the comparative analysis were 1982 and 2002. The following essay will summarize the important information and make comparisons where necessary.* I always opt to place the summary analysis as the opening paragraph of the essay because it creates a topic discussion outline that also helps the test-taker keep track of the information necessary for an accurate summary discussion of the images provided. Of course, this could have also been placed at the end as: *The comparative study showed a number of similarities even though there were decades between the student who were assessed. It can be concluded that very little to no changes take place when it comes to the motivating factors that influence a student's decision to choose a school. Therefore, the trend of student choices does not change over time.*

## surrounding at a workplace I think most people don't like noise because it makes us feel difficult to concentrate on work. However, I found the special points of view in the new findings. As mentioned in the article,"The findings suggest that settings used for cognitive tasks, such as workplaces and schools, could benefit from designs that take into account the sound that's likely to be present, says Tamesue-not just the volume, he adds, but the meaningfulness, as well." As for examples, school bells can make us know it is the time for the class. Moreover, the broadcaster on the train announced the notice, it is time to get off or go on the train. They are all good examples to proved that the meaningful noises can make people concentrate on something. It is true that surrounding conversations often disturb the business operations conducted in such open offices, the way we can concentrate on work is donning our headphones. The studies have shown that the music without lyrics and the natural sounds can enhance our work productivity.

Carol, I am not sure as to the purpose of the statement that you just wrote. What exactly is the instruction for the development of your essay? You have not provided us with much to go on with regards to reviewing your work. It would have helped if you had given us instructions and possibly, a copy of the article you are referring to. That way we would have at least had a starting point for the analysis of your work. Regardless of that though, I can still point out specific mistakes in your essay format. It would help your essay is you mention the article that you are citing in the essay. More importantly, you have to consider what writing style you are being asked to use so that you can refer to the proper in-text citation of your work. Without the proper referencing of the quote, this will be considered a plagiarized portion of your statement. While I will accept that this essay is well written to a certain degree, I question the validity of some of your statements as these seem to refer to implied statements in the article that you read, but lacks the proper reference or complete citation in the essay. That said, your English skills are of an advanced level and allows you to express yourself in a clear manner. The clarity is limited though because of the lack of in-text referencing and overview. I guess I would have had a better impression of your essay if you had provided all of the required materials to us as a guide. Good work though.

## figure of crime in Newport The graph describes how crime rates changed in the downtown of Newport city during 2003 and 2012. As can be seen, the figure for burglary experienced a remarkable decrease over time. Meanwhile, robbery case seemed to always remain the lowest rates among three crime areas. In 2003, burglary which happened in the center of Newport, was quite a serious problem as it stood at nearly 3500 incidents. Approximately 3000 cars were stolen away in the same year, while around 500 cases were robbery. In year 2008, both burglary and robbery hit the lowest points, at around 1000 and 500 cases, respectively. Additionally, car theft also decreased slightly, at around 2000, and then went up again at 2500 incidents at the end of the time frame. Robbery in Newport city remained relatively unchanged and reached over 500 incidents, whereas the statistic of house break-ins was reported to drop dramatically, from over 3000 to 1500 cases in year 2012. *Thanks for spending time correcting my writing. What band score will I receive with this report?* *

Liza, I am advising you as an IELTS and TOEFL topnotcher, as well as an academic consultant of 15 years experience. These are the reasons why, based upon my expert opinion, your score for this essay cannot be higher than a 4. That is due to the lack of analytical ability displayed in your essay. You did not properly represent an overview of the discussion in your opening statement. Rather, you went directly to a discussion of the fact presented. An overview for this essay is required as a representation of the summary outline / summary discussion to follow. That helps to inform the reader regarding the type of analysis and information presentation that will be contained in the body paragraphs. With regards to the information you presented, you failed to identify the kind of graph that was used for the report. You cannot merely say that this is a graph because different graphs have different purposes. Additionally, you must assume that the reader does not have access to the image presented and therefore, must be informed of the type of graph used by the original researcher in order to aid in their understanding of your presentation. By indicating the type of graph, you will also show that you are an informed researcher as you know the type of analysis represented by various graphs. The summary should have indicated the types of crimes that will be compared as well as the fact that the number of incidents cover the years from 2003 up to 2012. It is not a comparison of rates for 2003 and 2012. That is a different discussion from what you are being asked to summarize. Only your second paragraph in this essay falls under the 3 sentence minimum requirement for these exam essays. The reason that there is a 3 sentence minimum is simple, the more words you write, the better you can express yourself. A 3-5 sentence paragraph will help you increase your vocabulary score as well because you have the opportunity to develop more complex sentences and presentations. As for your concluding statement, you don't really have to write a concluding statement provided you have given a strong and properly informed summary overview for the opening statement. The key requirement here is that you represent your summation skills when it comes to discussions. Whether it comes at the beginning or the end is your personal decision. It is important that I point out how you failed to properly assess, analyze, and compare the chart information. If you study the chart closely, you will see moments where the graph points intersect. These intersection points should have been added to the summary as discussion points and points for comparison. A quarterly comparison of the crimes would have been best since the years presented in the chart are consecutive. Therefore, your essay missed out on a number of important discussion points and factual presentations.

**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Modern life is easier than life in the past. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.** ## nowadays people live an easier life Contemporary lifestyle is more advanced than the lifestyle of the people in the past, and I strongly agree that the existing people are having relaxed and comfortable lifestyle than their ancestors had in the past. Mainly, due to the availability of many different kinds of infrastructures, the life of the people are being easier. I will explicate the different reasons to bolster my arguments in the following paragraphs. Firstly, a plethora of facilities have already been introduced up to this 21st century and also are going to be discovered in this world. The facility like transportation helps people to migrate from one place to another very easily that could take many hours in the past. For example, I commute to work - takes more than two hours on foot - on a motorcycle that takes only 30 minutes that makes my life easier so that I don't need to walk a lot and even I can save some time with my family or I can entertain myself. The education, a basic need, is provided for almost all the citizens of all the countries in the world. The greater change in the health sector, availability of hospitals and doctors have helped the indigent people to access and cure all kinds of health related issues in no time. Secondly, with the advent of the technologies, the life of the people have become easier than the people living in the past. The people, nowadays, in many sectors use different kinds of machinery types of equipment that can easily work faster than by the manual efforts. For instance, the robots which don't get tired can be engaged in the incessant production of the goods. Not only that we can order it to do any kind of tasks just by sitting in one corner of the room without physically involving yourself in that particular job. The electronic devices like laptops, desktops have helped people to create many kinds of job opportunities. Thirdly, another important factor is the development of the communication sector which has made the world a global village. One can easily talk to their distant friends or relatives with a phone call or a video call in a cheap call rate. One can know each and every thing about the world. People can watch live games and get entertained due to the video conferencing which was not possible before a century. To sum up, the invention of vehicles, the advancements in the electrical and electronics equipments, and greater change in the telecommunication sectors have assisted people to live a easier life than the people lived in the past who did not have any chance to consume such kinds of facilities.

Utsav, your brain was running a mile a minute when you wrote this essay. You thought of so many topics for discussion that you neglected to follow the standard format requirements for the essay. You do not have a proper opening paragraph with paraphrasing, nor do you have a proper concluding statement for the essay. You only have 5 body paragraphs. In the actual test, you know what such an oversight would result in for your score. Do not make that mistake ever again if you want to pass this test. You have presented way too many topics for discussion per paragraph so all you have are continuous sentence subject representations but no paragraph discussion development. This resulted in a complete lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your paragraphs. This is haphazard work that showed your only focus was on the vocabulary and grammar accuracy aspect, which resulted in your neglect of the other similarly important aspects of essay presentation in the test. I can say that you have an intermediate level of English expertise which was eclipsed by your lack of proper essay presentation. I would like you to concentrate, during your next practice test, on properly assessing the original prompt instructions, outlining your discussion topics in a coherent and cohesive manner, and then developing a proper concluding statement. Do not lose sight of the required elements of the test. When you forget to follow the expected pattern, this sloppy work is what you produce.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. ## appetite for meat and seafood The diagram illustrates fish and meats consumed in a country in Europe during the period from 1979 to 2004. In general, the consumption level dropped throughout the years between 1979 and 2004. Among all kinds of food, the amount of chicken ate was the only rising number while other three items' figures decreased. In 1979, there were more than 200 grams of beef consumed per person per week which was the highest figure. The lamb consumption amounted to around 150 grams per person per week while the figure of chicken as food was just 10 grams lower than the lamb consumption. Last but not least, people ate about 60 grams fish per week. The consumption of beef drastically plummeted to just over 100 grams per person per week in 2004 although this amount has once peaked at the level of almost 250 grams in a year from 1979 to 1984. The weights of lamb and fish consumed fell steadily to approximately 60 grams and below 50 grams respectively in 2004. In contrast, chicken was the only choice became more popular in the 25 years. Its consumption level skyrocketed to around 250 grams per person per week. (196 words) *

Peter, the summary overview is the most important part of the Task 1 essay. This is the paragraph that shows how you analyzed the information and decided upon what information to present. Therefore, it should be longer than just a single sentence. It has to be presented in at least 3 sentences. The sentences that you should have presented in the opening summary is as follows: 1. The type of graph / diagram presented and inclusive years of comparison 2. The types of food included in the diagram 3. The general trend you observed. Your current opening statement only satisfied one of the 3 requirements that could have created a strong summary overview for your essay. With regards to your sentence construction, do not relax your word choice. You are to speak in an academic tone at all times so when you say "Last but not the least", you are using a conversational instead of informative tone. You could have instead said "Finally..." or "Chicken was the least consumed..." Always place a degree of respect for your academically trained reader. This is still an academic essay after all. Save for these 2 observations, your work is pretty good. You have developed an acceptable presentation of relatively complex sentences to impress the reviewer with your degree of English language use. I look forward to reading your succeeding practice tests. Keep up the good work.

I really appreciate if you can check my essay and suggest a score for my ielts writing task 2, thanks alot. **In recent years, information technology has come to play a major part in many aspects of our lives. There is more information than ever before and communication has become instant, but university lecturers are putting their lectures on the internet rather than giving the lectures to students themselves and people sitting next to each other in offices are emailing each other rather than speaking. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these developments?** ## harmful convenience Nowadays, people's lives are becoming more dependent on information technology than ever due to its rapid growth. While I believe that the advancement of technology is beneficial to individual, I agree that overall it does more harm to us and our local communities. The leap in information technology brings in a lot of convenience to our daily lives. For example, people rely heavily on instant messaging like Whatsapp to communicate with each others. Families or relatives who are separated around the globe can easily keep in touch by means of emails of social media like Facebook or Tweeter. The invention of these communication tools not only shorten the distance between individuals, it also speeds up theirs responses instantly. On the other hand, the effect that people relying too much on these tools can be seen as negative. With the ease of online shopping, people prefer to stay at home and shop for everything from groceries to gifts with the click of a mouse. Consequently, it becomes harder for the people to build up a bonding within the community they live in as they seldom have the chance to meet up with others and interact. It is considered important that human interaction creates a sense of belongingness and builds up close relationship with others. Such social skills are vital to us as we can not live alone by ourselves. In conclusion, although the revolution of information technology has brought individual closer to each other, in the long run it does more harm to us as it can be seen. Therefore, we should be more proactive to reach out to others and promote a healthy social live.

Tonga, I am really disturbed by the fact that you show a good grasp of the English language when it comes to writing, but then you failed to properly understand the topic for discussion in the original prompt. You were being asked to discuss these two areas in relation to the outweighing of the advantage or disadvantage of technology in the workplace and academic setting: 1. Professors placing their lectures online instead of lecturing in a classroom, physical setting 2. Office personnel emailing rather than talking to each other even though they seat next to each other. The topics for discussion in the essay were clearly given and yet you disregarded the topics provided and instead, developed some discussion topics of your own. While your English skills are acceptable, the change in the discussion slant from the original shows that you somehow did not really understand the instructions provided. There is a disconnection between your writing skills and your English comprehension skills. That is why this essay cannot gain a score higher than a 3.

**In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the country side. This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole. What are these problems? How might they be reduced?** ## rapid economic development and issues Although burgeoning economic growth improves the standards of living in the country as a whole, it affects the countryside and cities of the country unevenly. This , in turn, results in both high unemployment rate and difficulties for young people to pursue better tertiary education in the countryside. In this essay, these problems and viable solutions by the state will be discussed. Notably, one of the major problems people in countryside face is unemployment. Due to the fact that people living in cities tend to consume more products and demand more services than in the countryside, business companies and large factories are built inside the city. This results in difficulties for people to find a job in the rural area. Obviously, they have to migrate to the urban areas in search of better job opportunities. Undoubtedly, crime rate is increased with high unemployment rate simultaneously. Having no opportunities to find a job people start committing a crime to make a living. In order to reduce an unemployment rate the government should force national and international business organisations to establish their factories in the countryside. By doing so, more places in the workforce are created. Another problem young people in the countryside face is mastering a high-quality academic degree. Since prestigious colleges and universities are situated mostly in developed cities, youth from remote areas of the country come to the cities to study at universities and face variety of problems. For instance, they have to spend a lot of money on renting accommodations while studying at universities. Moreover, qualified tutors and members of academic staff do not want to live in the countryside due to the shortage of basic facilities for people available there. To solve this problem the state should invest in tertiary organizations and improve standards of living in the countryside . In conclusion, providing facilities unevenly may result in the high unemployment rate and substandard education in the countryside. If actions mentioned above are taken by the government, problems can be reduced.

@Sirojiddin it would be best if you can separate your discussions into the manner indicated in the discussion instructions. That way you can show a clear understanding of the instructions provided. So by presenting 2 problems first and then 2 solutions next, the essay will be better outlined for the examiner. By the way, you are focusing on a government solution to the problem when that is not indicated in the original instructions. Always reflect the information that is in the original prompt. Do not represent information that is not required. The solution that you should have presented could have been worded in a manner that could have been implemented by either a government or civilian institution. A general discussion / reference is always best. You must also be conscious of the required sentence and paragraph elements for this essay. Do not write more than 5 sentences and do not develop more than 5 paragraphs, 3 of which will be the body paragraphs. Even with these observations, I will acknowledge that you developed a very good essay that shows off your English comprehension skills. You show a clear understanding of the prompt requirements, but made a slight mistake in the discussion that could be overlooked by the actual examiner but I had to point out for your improvement. This is a good essay on its own. You did good work but have room for improvement. I hope that I will see a reflection of the suggested improvements in your next practice tests.

I am going to take an IELTS test maybe 3 three months from now, and writing is my most fear part -.-!!!!! Please help me improve my writing skill. Thanks for all your help. :) THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE AVERAGE ATTENDANCE OF TOP-LEVEL SOCCER LEAGUES IN THE UK, GERMANY, AND ITALY FROM 1970 TO 2004 ## number of football fans in europe 1970 - 2004 Given is a line graph illustrating the average number of matches participation of three high ranking soccer associations from UK, Germany, and Italy between 1970 and 2004. From the information supplied, It is evident that the Germany and UK's clubs show an upward trend. Meanwhile, there was a downturn in the participation rate of Italy's club. From 1970 to 1980, there was a slight drop by approximately 20000 in the presence of the Italian league. At the same periods of time, the UK's soccer association also participated in fewer matches with only 20000 in comparison with the 22000 matches in 1970. However, from then onward, both the soccer clubs' participation rate increased exponentially. 2004 witnessed the enthusiastic attendance of the Italian and English leagues with 35000 and just under 35000 consecutively. On the contrary, the number of the Germany club's matches gradually went up by around 5000 during the first decade. After that, there was a steady decline in their attendance proportion. Finally, the German soccer club's participation hit the lowest point of under 25000 matches in 2004. *

Nguyen, please make sure that you upload the images in panorama setting instead of portrait. I almost got a neck cramp trying to look at your portrait oriented image. It was very difficult to review in relation to what you wrote. There is a slight mistake with your summary overview presentation. If you study the chart, the information provided was not in consecutive decades. There is a gap between 1990 and 2004. Therefore, the skip in the years should have been properly recognized in your summary presentation. You also failed to indicate that the audience attendance was going to be noted in the thousands. A proper overview indicates the most obvious notable information that you will be presenting, without mentioning the actual figures yet. Indicating those information would have created a more solid summary of the information for discussion. Additionally, if you combined the first 2 sentences with the next 2 sentences, you would have also developed a stronger orientation for your reader. You have a tendency to misrepresent the information about the number of audience attendance. There are instances, such as in the last paragraph, when you made it sound like it was the number of games played, instead of the number of audience attendance that you were discussing. Don't lose focus, always make sure to make it clear to your reader that you are referring to audience attendance. One silly mistake like this and your essay will be marked down in terms of grammar or task accuracy.

## Grades specifying you as a person Nowadays, students believe that grades are everything and they are going to stick with you forever. . In fact, that is the total opposite, grades are only temporary. Grades defining you as a person is a growing issue because students, especially the ones who are high school seniors, are constantly stressing because they want to get into the best University. Students believe that if they don't get straight A's they are not smart enough to succeed. But, after doing further research I found that grades should not define you. Recent research shows that grades do not define your intelligence, does not get you better jobs, or determine how successful you will be in life. Despite what everyone believes about grades defining you and how smart you are, that is not true at all. There are much more powerful things that will define you and grades are not one of them. Intelligence comes in many different ways. Intelligence does not only come from how you perform in a class and what grade you get. There are other factors that are more powerful than a test grade or a letter. Every person has different strengths and weaknesses. If someone fails at a subject, other people might perceive that person as being dumb or stupid. But that is not the case. A grade in a certain subject does not define you as a person. A quotation from the website The State Press stated "We need to stop weighing our intelligence through grades and instead recognize that intelligence comes in all forms" (Sutherland, 2017). Sutherland also goes to say that students should worry less about the grades they are getting and worry more about the information they are retaining and gaining from a class.This is a problem because there may be students out there who think that just because they got one bad grade in a class its going to taunt them forever and that they are useless. When in fact, the numbers wont matter in the end. Its your self worth. Although grades are important, teachers and parents need to stop drilling it into their children or students mind that it is the only thing that will matter because its not. As children we see everywhere that in order to get higher paying job or have the best career opportunities you need a higher education and a higher grade point average in those top colleges. Although people are forced to believe that your grades are what gets you a better job when you are older, that is not true. There are different types of intelligence that are more important and have a more powerful impact in life rather than just the society norm of what people believe is intelligence. A quote from Forbes stated "Research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology shows that 85 percent of your financial success is due to skills in "human engineering," your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead" (Jenson, 2012). This is very important because it shows students and everyone that most of your financial success and jobs come from human and engineering an not your education and Grade point average is great. Students at the University are constantly learning the skills it takes to become successful in their desired major, but getting an "A" on every test does not mean anything if you can't apply what you learned to real life in the workforce. A company is not going to look at your transcripts and look at how many A's you got during your years in college and determine if they want you for the job or not. They are going to see if you have your degree and thats it. If you don't get the best grades in college but still get a degree, thats all that matters in the end. This is a problem because there are some students out there that give up because of their GPA and they think that they will not have a good paying job or even a good job at all. But, they need to know this fact about the 85% of financial success is due to yourself and how you can successful engineer yourself as a person. All of the rumors of better grades equals better paying jobs needs to stop because it may make some people feel like they will never be successful or financially successful if they do not have the best grades. Growing up everybody is taught that the number one thing to be successful in life is the university you go to and how well you do. Something that most people should know is that your grades do not define how successful you will be in the future. Like the statement previously, we are forced to believe as children going through school that in order to be successful in the future we need to get good grades and can not mess up once. That is not always true. There are many very successful people in the world who failed in a university or just dropped out. Even if you fail or decide to drop out there are different ways to be successful later on. Not everything in life is focused on your schooling and grades. A quote from Business Insider states "Despite pulling good grades, he dropped out of Harvard University in 1975 to go cofound Microsoft, setting him on the path to becoming the wealthiest man in the world." (Weinberger, 2016). This fact is referring to Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world. This just goes to show that even if you decide you want to drop out of school, there is still hope and that you should never give up on yourself. Students are becoming obsessed with the grading system. This is the only thing that matters to most. If they don't get the grade they are anticipating, it is the end of the world for them. This is because we grow up believing this information because of the society norm of grades. The grade system is made up of a numerical system that only displays how well you have grasped the lesson. Not how smart you are. A transcript is just how well you have retained certain information throughout your high school and college years. But, a transcript does not show how much you have accomplished outside of the classroom, your life experiences, or what you have done to get to the place you are now. There is a stereotype when it comes to grades. If you have straight A's, then you're really smart, if you have some B's then you're kind of smart but not super smart, and if you get C's you just aren't smart enough. Although grades can be important, they don't represent you and what you are capable of. This is important for students in any grade level to understand because like previously stated, your grade is just how well you have grasped the lesson that the teacher has taught. Its how you met the teachers standards in the classroom, its not defining you as a person. A letter will never define you. That is something that everybody has to start to understand. Your grades do not correspond with your intelligence. Instead of worrying about your grade you should aim to gain new knowledge over the course of the semester and not worry abut the grade itself. Different people will always have different strengths. Some children were naturally born to excel at certain things that others are not. It does not mean that you can't try to excel in your weakness. A business major probably couldn't pass a nursing test if it was just thrown at them. Just because a student can't pass that test does not mean that they are dumb. Business is their strong suit, something that they could excel in that others can not. Just because some people can perform better at certain subjects than others does not mean that they should feel dumb because the grade they get is not who they are. Its just a letter. This generation of students are becoming obsessed with numbers and the grading system that they are forgetting about the bigger things in life. Grades are temporary but they are forgetting about their self worth. If they get one bad grade then they might automatically be upset and think that their self worth just went down because of their obsession with the numbers. But, the internal strengths are what matters most. We as students are letting our grades constantly get to us. If it isn't as high as we are hoping, we get down on ourselves, if its getting close to the end of the semester, we get stressed. It seems like grades area constant factor in why we are stressed about school. Its not only about the grades you get while in school. Its about the tests you have to take in order to apply for a university. High school juniors and seniors are also stressing about the ACT and SAT. I know from a personal experience I was stressing over those exams like no other. Those exams are what determines what university you can get into. If you get a low score, its possible you will not get into your dream school. Although, getting a low score risks your chances of getting into your top college, it still does not define your intelligence. There are many factors that can go into why you performed poorly on an exam. There are many students out there that struggle with test anxiety or even a learning disability. I know because I am one who struggles with test anxiety myself. You can get everything that your teacher is teaching, but once it comes to the exam you blank. This is something that you can not control. This is something that some teachers or professors do not take into consideration while grading. Students should put more time and effort into thinking and problem solving skills instead of trying to cram a bunch of knowledge into a short period of time to try to get the best grade on a test. As a student entering college, I believed that grades were the only thing that was going to determine my success in life. I believed that the grades I got were the only thing that were going to make me stand out and be better than everybody else. But, as I completed my first semester of college, I started to realize that your grade compared to somebody else in the class does not matter. Being in a lecture hall with 250 plus students, the professor does not just focus on one student. Everybody is all the same. Most students have the same grade as others in the class so having a good grade does not make you stand out, or better than someone else because they are doing the same as you. This was hard for me to wrap my head around because all through my high school, I was constantly being told that my grades were the only thing that mattered by fellow students, teachers, advisors, and even my parents. Grades defining you as a person and defining your intelligence is a growing issue. Student are starting to believe that if they don't get the best grades then if will define them as dumb. That is not the case because students have many strengths that outweigh their weakness in one class. Just because a student gets a low grade in one class does not mean that they are less intelligent than everybody else. People think that your grades determines how smart you are, if you will have a higher paying job, and how successful you will be in life. Students need to start realizing that grades don't define any of these.

Davinna, your essay constantly repeats the fact that you believe that grades are not important at the start of every paragraph. Kindly refrain from doing that as the redundancy becomes highly irritating as one progresses with reading your paper. You need remind the reader about the topic after about 5 or 5 paragraphs, not every paragraph. Adjust your opening sentences to become more paragraph topic centered instead. That delivers a more adequate representation of the paragraph subjects. Consider it a sentence subject line in every paragraph. I also want to call your attention to the sources that you use in the paper. If the information comes from a website but is in reference to something that someone of authority said in the paper, then refer to the person in authority and his capacity as a professional. Skip mentioning the website because online sources are normally frowned upon by the teachers and persons in authority, but they will accept the word of a fellow professional that just happens to be found on the web. Just mention the website reference in your bibliography. By the way, your story about your belief about your grades and your experience should not be at the end of the research. Place that at the very beginning as the hook that you will be using to interest the reader in learning more about the discussion. The latest that you introduce that topic should be in the second paragraph, not near the very end of the essay.

*Hi everyone, this is my practice of writing an opinion paragraph. Hope you can help me make it better. Thank you* ***Writing a paragraph to clarify your opinion about shopping online. Do you think its benefits will overweight its risks? You should write about 150 words.*** ## shopping online is a great solution for promoting economic I am in favour of the idea that shopping online brings numerous facilities not only for sellers but also for customers. With the increasingly fast development of the Internet, social medias and websites such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, shopping online becomes easier than ever. First, because everything is selling online so sellers do not need to rent or buy any place for setting up and decorating a shop. They just need to photograph their products and post those pictures to social websites with an attractive caption. In addition, advertisements may be not required, when their customers are satisfied with their goods, they will share and write good reviews. Second, buyers can search and choose anything they want just by clicking and scrolling their mouses. All information of the product includes size, color, material and more are described in its product introduction with attached pictures. Finally, in my point of view, shopping online reduces unnecessarily intermediate steps and is the base of strong e-commerce. To sum up, for these reasons, it seems to me that shopping online in right way is a great solution for promoting economic.

Nguyen, when you write an opinion about any topic, there is one simple fact that you have to remember. In order to have an opinion, two sides of the discussion must exist. The side that is against your opinion and the side that your opinion supports. Both sides must be first introduced in your statement before you can present your opinion and the justifications that support both the discussion that you support and your personal opinion. I do not see any reference to the opposing opinion in the introduction of your statement. Therefore, the opinion becomes bias or one sided, thus weakening your opinion because you are not ready to defend it against the opposing side. An introduction of the opposing side and then your opinion that refutes the other would have been sufficient enough to have created an excellent opinion paragraph. By anticipating the opposing discussion and presenting your opinion that could very well beat the opposing opinion, you will be able to safely write an effective statement of opinion. Remember, your opinion can only be made stronger by the weakness of the opposition. So first discuss the opposing opinion and then point out the flaws in that opinion in order to create a picture of a strongly worded point of view on your end.

**Topic: More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why ? Who benefit more from this, the community or these young people? (write approximately 300 words)** ## voluntary activities in poorer countries In certain industrialized nations, it is commonplace for youngsters to support underdeveloped countries by doing some unsalaried work in a limited amount of time. This trend has resulted from many reasons and these communities gain more benefits than teenagers from these voluntary activities. There are some reasons for which under-privileged nations are supported by other countries' teenagers. Firstly, it is much easier for prosperous countries to help poor nations in many aspects such as technology and health. For instance, some Africans have to encounter with some contagious diseases which are curable in America or European nations. Therefore, young people can provide African countries with some vaccinations but they can help thousand of people survive. Another reason is youngsters can accumulate new knowledge. While giving homeless people a hand, young people can have a deeper insight into new lifestyles or different cultures. Lastly, by doing voluntary service, students can gain experience and become more mature. These lessons learned in other areas can make them more independent and successful in their future profession. Even though teenagers can be benefited by helping disadvantaged people in other places, there are more advantages for these communities in many ways. These under-privileged countries can draw many lessons from wealthy nations. Some useful advice and updated methods can help local citizens to overcome obstacles. Besides, poor areas can also be supported by financial aid and therefore, the lifestyle can be promoted. For example, some tips and financial support can be spent on upgrading education or healthcare system. Underdeveloped countries can pursue guided ways to settle the issues, ranging from starvation and illiteracy to infectious diseases. It is obvious that some national problems can be addressed by the small help of international organizations. In conclusion, young generations have a tendency to travel to nations where services are so insufficient and locals have to contend with severe problems due to a variety of reasons. Despite many benefits gained by youngsters, I believe that these communities which are supported by foreigners will certainly gain much more profits.

Tung, when the instruction says "approximately" that means you have to write up to the number of words indicated. You cannot write less, you cannot write more. So your essay is over the proper approximate by 37 words. It is always best to write the exact number of words required or suggested because this count fits directly within the time frame given to you for the development of the essay. In this instance, your excess words took away time that could have been used for the proper editing and finalization of your paper. While you did write too many words, I will say that you appropriately discussed and developed your statements in the essay. However, your opening paraphrase has a slight problem because it contains a small inaccuracy in its presentation. You should have indicated the actual topic for discussion in it which is whether the teenager or the community actually benefits from the free work that the teenager does in the country. A sample presentation of that portion of the essay would be: *... doing some unsalaried work in a limited amount of time. **This activity has raised some questions as to whether the community or the teenager actually benefits from the free work being done. This essay will examine the two sides of the discussion and make an assumption regarding who truly benefits from this practice.*** You have to make an assumption regarding who benefits because that is not made clear in the prompt requirements. The reason that you are to say "assumption" is because you are not allowed to discuss facts and related information within the opening statement. The opening statement serves only as an introduction to the topic for discussion, it is not meant to begin the discussion of the essay. This is a standard requirement because a completely developed thought process and presentation cannot be done within a single paragraph that is already discussing specific required elements. The thought process and defense that you want to present is separate and goes into the body paragraphs instead. The first paragraph is simply for the required paraphrasing elements. The paraphrased portion is the part of the essay where the examiner can assess your English comprehension skills and ability to follow English instructions.

Question : **The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.** ## how the overpopulation affect a country? Answer : In a today's life, overpopulation happens across the world and causes some difficulties for some countries. There is an imbalance number of job seekers with the industries, and the rising number of population also gave a negative impact on their quality life such as shelter, as we know that some cities in developed countries nowadays have a poor quality of life because of the overpopulation they had. I believe that these problems can be solved by the government with cooperation from all citizens. Building an economical flat and giving a public workshop for citizen can be the ideal solution for these problems. The significant differences between numbers of people and the industries within the country are the most crucial problem nowadays. Without having a job, people cannot fulfill their needs which are correlated with the chance of doing crime. The limited number of shelters in the city also must be solved by the government as we know that mostly overpopulation happens in the city. If people do not have any shelter, they mostly will build an illegal house on the riverbank which is dangerous for them. These problems happened in Jakarta 3 years ago, overpopulation could not be controlled by the government and it caused problems to the city such as traffic jam, flood, and high number of crime. From this, I can state that overpopulation is the most crucial problem which must be solved for developing the country. There are several ideas that might be possible to solve these problems, such as build an economical flat and give a workshop for those who want to find a job. Economical flat can reduce the number of illegal shelters rapidly, and therefore government can manage the city well if the fundamental needs of citizens are well managed such as shelter. Even though it spent lots of cash, it can help a lot for reducing overpopulation impact. Another option is to create some workshops for those who are looking for a job. People mostly need a skill to do some jobs, and this is what government can help with, and expert person will be paid worth than the fresh one. Meanwhile, it must be followed with the increasing number of jobs opportunity also. In conclusion, overpopulation can give lots of disadvantages for country development. Although there are some solutions also that government can do for this problem, such as building an economic flat for poor citizen and also creating some workshops for job seekers. I believe that overpopulation can be solved if we always come up with the solution, without blaming each other.

Ariza, I realize that this is your first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay so I will not score this essay. You have made a number of mistakes that could actually cause you to fail the exam proper had this been given as the topic and then have you present it in the above manner. Your presentation does not follow the standard requirements for this type of essay writing so I need to guide you in developing the writing style first, the content second. The first thing that you have to learn is that there are specific parts to the essay that you have to write. These parts are the opening statement, body paragraphs, and concluding statement. In the case of your essay there is no opening statement nor conclusion, only body of paragraphs. This format alone will lead to an automatic failure in an actual setting. In order to gain a passing chance for the test you must make changes to your writing style. First, you must learn how to paraphrase the original prompt. Paraphrasing means saying the prompt instructions in your own words. What did you understand the prompt to mean? How are you being asked to discuss it? What do you think of the topic being discussed? Do you have an opinion? To what degree is your opinion? These are some of the questions that you can answer in the development of your paraphrased opening statement. The original prompt will normally tell you how far you have to go and what information you have to present in the paraphrased outline. The outline being the topics for discussion and how it will be discussed. Next, you need to practice drafting your paper. Write a rough version within the first 5 minutes of the timed test. Then review it and expand the sections that need expanding. Aim to write no less than 3 sentences and no more than 5. Do not present too many ideas. Just develop solid presentations for single ideas because that is all that the remaining time allotment will allow you to do. Bear in mind the original instructions and make sure to deliver only what is required of your essay. Do not make it unnecessarily complicated like you did with this essay. Finally, practice summarizing the discussions you have presented. Make sure to properly summarize the details and facts that you present. Do not, under any circumstances, present any new information. That will mean that you did not conclude your discussion but rather, left it hanging without proper closure. Do your best to follow these instructions with your next test and you should begin to see some impressive improvements with your essay writing. At this point, this essay is not worth the time that you took to write it because it is nothing more than a long narrative without a beginning or an end. It is a failure as an essay.

Hello everyone! This is my essay and I hope that your guy can give some opinions about it. Thanks a bunch <3 ESSAY TOPICS: ANIMAL SPECIES ARE BECOMING EXTINCT DUE TO HUMAN ACTIVITIES ON LAND AND IN SEA. DISCUSS THE REASONS AND SOLUTIONS ## human activities effect badly to animals Nobody can deny that people nowadays are doing harm to animal species because of their activities not only on land but also in sea. Although this undoubtedly be negative consequence on this trend, steps can be taken to mitigate these potential problems. A lot of animals are on the brink of extinction because of many reasons. Firstly, the environment which is animals' habitat is becoming worse and worse. Many factories discharge chemical waste on river that pollutes the water and kills plenty of fishes. Secondly, wild animals are hunted for many purposes. Hunting now becomes a leisure time activity and several of animals are killed just for fun. For example, tiger in China now are nearly become extincted due to a Chinese belief that tigers' meat is a nutritious food and their teeth can bring them luck and happiness. In short, people's activities effect badly on animals' life. There are several actions that government and individuals could take to solve the problems described above. Initially, government should introduce restriction on killing wild animals and punish hard anyone who does not abide by the law. Furthermore, protecting the environment should be a government priority. They should provide funding for preserving forests and lands for animals' habitat. For instance, people in China have formed a pressure group called "Ipanda" in order to protect the panda, which has attracted government sponsorship. To summary, many solutions are found to reduce the problems. In conclusion, despite the truth that human activities effect badly to animal species' life, some feasible measures mentioned above can be taken to tackle this problem.

Dang, the essay prompt instructs you to discuss examples of how man has caused negative effects on animal habitats in land and in the sea. Therefore, your discussion body should present one paragraph each for the destruction on land and one for the sea. That way, you properly discuss the essay in the format and information required by the original prompt. don't change the discussion by discussing elements that do not have any connection or relationship to the original prompt. You can discuss one problem and one solution per paragraph in order to create a coherent and cohesive discussion that will properly reflect the outlined discussion requirements of the original prompt. Your current discussion does not represent the correct discussion as it does not refer to land and sea destruction as indicated in the original discussion presentation. Therefore, the discussion that you present could be considered a prompt deviation and as such, either get you a failing or low score in an actual test setting. The misrepresented discussion in the body indicates a shortcoming on your part regarding the instructions you were given for the discussion. It is important that you clearly discuss one land problem regarding animal habitation and one sea problem regarding the same problem. However, each habitation problem and solution must be contained in a single paragraph to make it easier to keep track of your discussion presentation. While the opening statement is somewhat acceptable, due to its lack of one more sentence in order to be considered a complete paragraph, the conclusion needs more work. A properly developed conclusion must properly assess the previous information and present it in a shortened format of 3-5 sentences in the final paragraph. This serves are the wrap-up or summary discussion of the given outline.

***Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary, because students can get so much information through the Internet, and study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*** ## necessity of attending schools It is ture that online courses and resources play an important role in modern education. Some people think that it is unnecessary for students to study at school, since they can stay at home and find study materials on the Internet. Personally, I tend to disagree with this opinion. First of all, well-experienced teachers can never be replaced by artificial intelligence. They know more about how to select beneficial materials for students and provide organized courses. They talk to students face to face in the classroom, so that they can find different questions of every student and figure them out accordingly. Besides, teachers can offer more help to their students in addition to the study. It is much easier to go through the hard time with their encouragement. School education provides opportunity for students to meet their peers as well, which is very important to their growth. In the school, young children can develop friendship with students from different families. They learn to cooperate with each other, respect everyone in the class and be tolerant in a non-virtue way. If they stay at home, they may hardly communicate with others, and become too shy or self-centered to make friends in their life. We have to admit that it is relatively convinient to study online. Students can easily get access to knowledge and information available, and take online course which allow them to study at any time they want. However, this new approach can be an assistant of traditional school education, but not to take the place of it. Students can be well-educated only with the tutorial from their teachers and communication with their classmates. Overall, it is necessary for students to go to school and attend their class, while they can still gain knowledge through the Internet.

Zhou, I am not sure if you proof read your work before turning it in. You are using the term "ture", which does not refer to an English word. Rather, that word is of Danish origin and means "to party on." Please ensure that you proof read your essays prior to submission because the wrong use of terms will result in a marked down vocabulary score on your part. When you state your opinion, use the exact key word from the original statement. Your opinion should have indicated; *"I disagree with this opinion to a certain extent, based on several reasons."* Also, since this is an opinion essay, you must take ownership of all the statements that you make in it. Therefore, instead of saying "We have to admit...", the proper presentation would be "I have to admit..." There is no "we" in an opinion statement, only an "Me, myself, and I". While your reasoning paragraphs are good, the concluding portion, that should be summarizing the presented discussion and reiterating your opinion is not functioning a such. It is merely indicating a singular sentence of additional information. Since new information cannot be presented as a concluding statement, you will get an additional scoring down for that mistake under the task accuracy portion. This is a good effort at writing an essay. I suggest that you continue to practice and further develop the method by which you write your opening statement and conclusions based upon my aforementioned suggestions. It will surely help to increase your score in the end.

Hello! I am currently writing an essay for my final English project. It is a persuasive writing with required citations from at least 5 sources. Length requirement was 8-10 pages, which was met. Want to make sure all transitions are smooth and content isn't too boring. The Performance Evaluation Curve; ## Ineffective Process of Ranking Employees against Their Peers The annual performance evaluation of employees by a predetermined performance curve is ineffective and outdated in corporate America. This has been the practice of companies across the country for decades. This reactive approach to employee development is no longer adequate as the current generation in the workplace wants coaching and development to be a more frequent and ongoing process. The development of employees needs to happen as often as the business strategies change in order to have a truly effective staff. The pre-established performance curve also creates a compensation issue based on categorizing employee performance incorrectly to meet the requirements of the grading system. Writing and delivering formal performance evaluations for large staffs is a waste of company resources and has a negative effect on employee morale and performance. The evaluation of employee performance based on a pre-established curve is outdated and being replaced by new performance evaluation methods. Many companies have been wanting to redesign their employee evaluation and compensation process for the last few years. Cigna, GE, and Deliotte are just a few large names that recognized the old way of doing things was not only outdated, but it was working against them. The practice of pre-determining a performance curve that any number of employees, when being evaluated, are placed into is referred to as the Performance Evaluation Bell Curve. This practice has been in mainstream corporate America for decades. An employee's performance is ranked on a scale of one to five. Most people will fall into the "3" category which is usually a 'Meets Expectation'. Very few people fall into the other categories, and there is a pre-determined number of each of those ratings that can be given out. Out of groups of people in the hundreds, maybe three or four will be allowed to receive the rank of 5 or 1, whichever is the 'Outstanding Performer'. Once an employee receives a rank or score, their compensation is determined from that score. Oddly enough, GE was one of the companies most known for its use of this evaluation system. They were well known for their "rank and yank" system which was taken on by CEO Jack Welch during his reign from 1981-2001. GE is now moving away from the "rank and yank" performance management system, and taking on a new approach. "No longer defining performance by a single number, these companies were emphasizing ongoing, quality conversations between managers and their teams". (Jones and Rock, Harvard Business Review) GE is distancing themselves from performance evaluations completely, and depending on its leaders to have more frequent and less formal feedback sessions and conversations with their teams. The company who was once among the most known for using the Performance Evaluation Curve, is also one of the first to retire this archaic practice for an approach that is more conducive to working in teams and creating a better workplace for their employees. New performance management approaches based on more frequent development conversations are yielding far better results based on the current demands of the work environment. Employees that are consistently recognized for what they are doing well will continue to deliver those competencies at a high level while remaining more open minded to improving their opportunities. When an employee doesn't feel their worth to the company is based solely on a number or rating, their engagement increases and benefits their personal development as well as company performance. As said by Jones and Rock, "When Microsoft removed its ratings, employee calibration skyrocketed" (Harvard Business Review). When the pressure to maintain a certain performance rank is removed, team collaboration improves immediately. Employees are working together now without competing against each other for a better performance rating. This is crucial to the success of the company as well as its ability to keep up with the demands of the industry. Current work environments move faster than they ever have before. The demand to keep up with the consumer as well as the competition is high and continues to move at a steady pace. Based on the rate at which any industry or business changes strategies or focus, the practice of providing feedback or making changes to one's development plan needs to happen equally as fast. How can an employee continue to be at their best for both their performance and their development if they are only having those conversations once or twice a year? If a business changes gears to meet the needs of their customers at an average of once monthly, it only makes sense to have strategy and expectation discussions with the employees monthly, if not more often. This will only increase overall production and efficiency. This process of providing coaching and development more frequently will also increase employee engagement. People want to know how they are doing at work. It's hard to improve opportunities one doesn't know about, and it really doesn't feel good to find out how many opportunities one has all at once in a meeting with your boss that is scheduled to take place once a year. Performance feedback and development should take place as often as the business changes performance goals. It doesn't make sense to evaluate an employee's performance based on goals set a year previous when the business plans or goals have changed several times in that 12 month period. "Successful performance management must concentrate on the continuous development of skills, rather than employee rankings" (Sommerefield, Kiss, Inside Magazine issue 12). Goals set for employee performance that are a year in the rear view mirror may be completely obsolete by the time the employee gets to discuss their progress on that goal. This not only negatively impacts the business performance, but it is very confusing for the staff member. How can they or their manager effectively measure their success based on this process? The answer is they can't. The current workforce demands coaching and feedback on a continuous basis. They also want input from others besides their direct leader. "The way millennials are used to working and getting feedback, which is more frequent, faster, mobile-enabled..." (Nisen, Quartz). GE has implemented a mobile app for its employees where they can see any feedback given on a work project at any point in time. Staff members also have the ability via this app to request feedback by the press of a button. They receive feedback from all involved in the project, not just their leader. This is helping to shape a culture where the employee's need for development is heard and engaged. This also creates a team environment where feedback is viewed as a gift and is a normal part of all work performed. This approach brings a positivity to the work experience and sets the stage that all receive feedback in a way that allows the employee to do their job better. The structure of the development process needs to be redesigned at many major organizations to focus more on positive feedback to encourage good behavior. Negative feedback can over-shadow positive work behavior if not delivered properly. Bersin states "Research shows that reducing a year of work to a single number is degrading" (Forbes). When approaching feedback sessions from a positive point of view, the receiver of the feedback tends to be more receptive to any opportunity feedback given. "Humans don't really like to give negative feedback, it's just not something that anybody does well...if you want the person that's working for you to improve, you have to think about it in true coaching terms." (Nisen, Quartz). No one wants to be told they did something wrong or their work is not to expectation, but if the conversation is approached from a "this is how we may have done it better" point of view, the feedback will still carry the same weight without feeling so negative. Affective coaching is frequent and balanced. It's not all positive, and it's not all negative. This isn't to say that accountability conversations should no longer take place. A work environment can be built on a culture of positive growth practices, but that doesn't mean its employees are not held accountable for their actions or their performance. Based on what many companies are learning about the performance management process, most work cultures that embody frequent development conversations tend to have less negative accountability conversations. If an employee discusses their own performance with their leader on a consistent basis, many opportunities to improve the outcome of their work should be identified in the earlier stages. This process alone would help eliminate larger problems and opportunities down the road as well as overall efficiency of an organization's employees. Now there is a new issue to discuss. If employees as a whole are more productive and have become accustomed to having developmental conversations more frequently, employee performance increases right? The next problem with the Performance Evaluation Curve is the compensation element. Most companies talk regularly about attracting great people to work for them, and developing the ones they have already. Based on this, if even partially successful, many companies would have a larger population of top performers. So how can the evaluation curve really be affective if even an organization's top performers have to be ranked as a 'Meets Expectations' to satisfy the requirements of the Performance Curve? The answer, once again, is it can't. If a very small number of people can be ranked as an 'Exceeds Expectations' during the review process, but there are double that number of employees that should be ranked as an 'Exceeds Expectations' either the performance curve won't work or many hard working employees will be short changed. If an employee goes above and beyond their role description, they should not be pigeon-holed to a certain rank just for the company to meet the criteria of a pre-determined curve that does not properly measure employee performance or contribution. The compensation increase an employee receives yearly should be evaluated based on individual performance, not a numeric rank or a peer's performance. Any organization should determine an employee's raise amount based on what it would cost the company to replace that employee. The employee that is important to the organization based on their performance and production should receive larger increases than those performing at a median level. "All pay-related decisions should be based on the importance of the worker's current competencies" (Sommerefield, Kiss, Inside Magazine issue 12). It's always the same story. Someone who consistently performs their job well gets nothing but small increases yearly. They continue to put forth a consistent effort and high quality work, but never receive the actual raise they deserve. That is, until they put in their two week notice to leave the company. Now all of a sudden the tables have turned. The focus now for that employee's leader is to find a way to retain their great talent. So at this point the conversation changes to a compensation discussion. Employees that are not compensated properly are a flight risk to the company. One thing so many in the workforce have complained about is how they are not worth a certain pay annually until they are ready to leave. Then in a desperate attempt to keep a part of their workforce, whose personal stock just shot through the glass ceiling, promises of salary and benefit increases are now made and plentiful. As great as this may sound hypothetically, to most people that are currently at this point, this is a low blow. The immediate thoughts of "Oh so now I am worth it because you realize just how much I do!" start popping up, and a once loyal employee is even more frustrated and on the defensive. At this point, you may as well hand that great employee over to your competition on a silver platter. And to top it all off, they will most likely make more money because they are an external hire for their new employer. Before an organization starts to lose some of its best employees, it would be wise to find a better way to evaluate and reward good or great performance. Most people wake up every day with the intentions of doing a great job both at work and in their personal lives. Based on the amount of time the average full time employee spends at work, most people devote more time daily to their jobs than they do to their families. This is the "norm" of our current society, but that doesn't make being under-compensated or under-developed any less frustrating. When someone devotes their time, sweat, stress and loyalty to a company, it is extremely defeating to be reviewed once for a year's worth of hard work, and to have a single digit number attached to that work. The frustration continues to grow when an employee is told they are being ranked a specific way because there are not enough ranks available to give them the rank they may deserve. Now what this person is hearing is "sorry, we have to hit a certain number so you are going to have to just take this one on the chin". Now let's link the actual ratings given out to the pre-determined salary increases. Based on this performance curve, a budget is set for the overall funds to be dispersed to the organization's staff. Then specific amounts are set for the different rankings. Once an employee receives a rank, they get a specific increase, which can be a dollar amount or percentage of their annual salary. So in the case where many employees fall in to the category of 'Meets Expectations' most of them receive the same increase. This is a depthless attempt to evaluate an employee's performance. The message given to the employee by their employer is they need to give their best at all times, always strive to achieve more. When it comes time to evaluate and compensate them for that, they will be labeled with a blanket number that has also been stamped on many other employees. How can that possibly be fair? Miller from SHRM states "Rating them once a year, based on a bell curve, will send top performers-and profits-right out the door" in a writing about evaluating employee performance. People want to feel recognized and appreciated for the work they do. So how does someone feel when a peer who clearly produces less in the workplace gets the same performance rating, and in turn, the same salary increase? Aside from a poor employee experience, the Performance Bell Curve creates another problem for most organizations, turnover. People who are good at what they do are desirable to other firms or competition. Most companies are always looking to source great external candidates. According to Aguinis, "Individual performance has to be re-evaluated so managers can identify and go after lead performers. These people are desirable to outside firms, so success means thinking about excellence and improvement all the time, talking with top performers continuously to find out what they need to grow and advance". Top performers and potential top performers need to be identified, their development needs assessed, and to be compensated based on their value to the organization, not a bell curve. The workforce will be loyal to employers that appreciate their performance as an individual person, not a number on a scale. As the work environment continues to evolve in to a more employee-friendly place, the practice of evaluating a staff on a pre-established curve needs to become a practice of the past. People want to be treated as people, not numbers. Business and consumer demands are moving faster than they ever have, therefore, the workforce needs to move at an equal pace. This demands a faster, more efficient way to coach and develop a team. Lastly, employees need to be compensated and receive yearly increases based on their worth to the company. If certain staff members would be a devastating blow to company performance and profits if lost, their annual compensation needs to reflect the importance of their role and company contributions. A few areas I may improve my writing would potentially be wording passages perfectly and in a way the reader would understand them as they would in a verbal conversation. I believe I may also improve the attention to detail for things like proper spacing, when to indent specific things, etc. I also tried to make my writing sound more persuasive and less informative. Thank you for your review.

Kristin, if you want to make this essay more persuasive, then you need to represent a balanced comparison of the previous method of employee evaluation in comparison to the new one. Specifically, mention the key points where the old method fails and the new method succeeds. By presenting such information, you will be able to more actively and accurately persuade the person to consider your side more seriously. Additionally, the lack of informative background on the old method of evaluation would have helped to represent the necessity of upgrading the employee evaluation techniques to suit the modern workplace. It isn't enough to justify the benefits of the new method of evaluation, you need to look back as well in order to create a strong foundation for your suggested changes in the evaluation process. What I am trying to explain to you is this, you should consider using a "compare and contrast" discussion in order to "persuade" your reader. The comparison point comes too late in the essay of 10 pages. Try to alternate the comparison and contrasting discussion earlier in the paper so that your presentation becomes more interesting. I also noticed that you have some in-text citations that are not properly cited within the paper. Kindly make sure that you review those parts and offer the correct parenthetical reference for the source so as to create a more well-researched image for your already impressive paper. Your work has an impressive presentation and does come across as a comfortable conversational piece so you don't have to worry about that. From what I can tell, the paper flows smoothly and does exactly what it has to do. My statements above are just discussions that can hopefully, help you further improve your presentation in the final version.

**Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion** ## huge salary for a professional athlete Some sport players earn in one year what a worker earns in years of life. This is the result of the well profited industry of entertainment.even though some people think its unfair, players should receive a high salary, due the fact they are not only the ones who earns high salary in this role, that they are the main characters of these games, and its difficult succeed in this career. Despite the fact that these career can bring fortune and fame, it has many disadvantages, its all unstable and risky.build career as an athlete requires years of dedication and also be young enough, he must be good on both mental and physical conditions, in case of an Irreversible injury, working all these years with sports, it will be tough to start different career. The industry of sports make millions of dollars with tickets sales, media rights, brands and others. The owners earn the biggest amount of money without even move or run the risks.if the players receive a lower salary, the sport industry would still make money, and the biggest part of the would still go the owners. To summarize the big salary of an athlete is fair, because represents a good distribution of revenue that the industry receive, and also the fact that careers in sports are difficult and unstable, it can only be performed in the youth.

Ricardo, you were not able to properly paraphrase the original prompt. You mistook the presentation of facts in your first paragraph for the paraphrasing. Let me show you how the proper paraphrasing for this prompt should look: *Successful sports professionals tend to earn a greater deal of money than the regular employee. Some people think that the income that athletes are paid is justifiable. Others believe that the sports celebrities earn too much for their profession and this puts them at an unfair advantage. As far as my point of view is concerned, I believe that their high salaries are justified. I will be discussing these justifications shortly.* Only after this presentation should your current first paragraph come into the discussion as part of your justification for the high salary the athletes receive. Your summary is not a properly developed conclusion because you continue to discuss the justification process in it. Therefore, it is not a summary but additional information. A summary should read similar to this: *In summary, I would like to reiterate the athletes have justifiable reasons for their high salaries. While these may seem exorbitant to some, the dangers and skills required to play the game indicates that the athletes take greater risks with their physical well being than regular employees. Therefore, the salary their receive is commensurate to their performance and the demands of their career.* Note that I merely summarized the already presented information along with a repetition of my opinion, closing with a justification that does not present new information to the reader but merely adopts a point of view already given in the previous statements. That is how you write a proper summary.

## teaching children a foreign language early Certain primary schools begin teaching their students another language. While I accept that there are several drawbacks of this trend, I tend towards the viewpoint that it has beneficial impacts on students. On the one hand, by learning a new language in primary school years, pupils can face up to two major issues. Firstly, students are more likely to get confused with their own mother tongue language. A recent study by National University shows that more than 40% of primary students in Vietnam have difficulties in speaking Vietnamese when learning it and English simultaneously. Secondly, studying a foreign language can cause children stress. Rather than concentrating on several areas of knowledge such as Math or Science, they also have to focus on another language, which can increase pressure on them, particularly those who do not show an aptitude for foreign languages. For example, to my brother, learning English has become an obsession, because this means he is compelled to do more homework, which makes him have less time to relax. On the other hand, personally, I believe that these setbacks are outweighed by the benefits. One benefit is that school boys and girls are about to pick up new words faster because they have tendency to develop their language ability at the fastest speed. Hence, they will be able to prepare certain lexical resources before they are forced to cope with considerably more complex grammars. Another benefit is that children have more chances to explore foreign cultures. By understanding clearly the cultures of several countries, they are less likely to experience cultural shock and easily adjust themselves to live in these countries. Additionally, learning another language is an effective way to improve children's flexibility and memory. New York Times revealed that more than 60% of primary students who learn more than one language tend to be more active and memorise facts or figures better. In conclusion, although teaching a foreign language at primary school has some disadvantages, it seems to me that this is more likely to have positive influences on children.

Ngoc, please provide the full original instruction for your essay prompt the next time that you post an essay so that I can better review your response for instruction adherence and discussion relevance. Your current work will be reviewed without those elements considered. The opening statement that you present falls short of the required 3 sentence minimum for a proper paragraph. As such, it does not accurately represent the prompt requirements in terms of discussion topic and discussion style. Since these are some of the most important elements of the test, it can actually help you to pass of fail the test, don't expect to get any helpful scoring marks in this section of the essay scoring consideration. Your essay tries to discuss too many elements per paragraph. Within a 30 minute time frame, you will not be able to do this in the actual setting. Focus on developing only one line of reasoning per paragraph that you can completely discuss within 5 sentences. Do not try to discuss more than one per paragraph because the examiner needs to see evidence that your understanding of the prompt requirement will be properly reflected in the reasons that you are giving. That cannot be done when you present 2 or 3 evidences per paragraph with only one explanatory sentence to support it. Your concluding remarks do not properly summarize the given topic for discussion, summarized data, and a repetition of your personal opinion as the closing sentence of the discussion. A properly developed concluding sentence should easily reflect the information provided by the opening statement in a more complete and informative manner covering the maximum 5 sentences.

## to get out of your comfort zone Hey guys! quick, I need my narrative essay fixed/edited. So we were suppose to write a personal narrative on any topic that helped us gain a new belief. For me I chose the time I faced my fears and auditioned for a kpop company. What I learned through this was you have to face your fears for your dream. My thesis is bolded. I would much appreciate help on my awkward syntax the most, and I didn't use much imagery, sensory detail or emotional appeal so if you could also give me some suggestions for those, thank you! When I first walked into the audition venue, it felt as if I had just entered the Hunger Games. I am telling you, it was terrifying. As soon as I walked in, everyone, and I mean everyone, looked up and seemed to scrutinise every single inch of my body. Which then again, did make sense since I too would want to figure out the "competition." Immediately I was greeted by a male staff who directed me to the information table where I was instructed to fill out an application form containing my name, age, hobbies, etc. He then handed me a sticker with my audition number (#18) on it and told me to go sit with the rest of the auditioners until my number was called. I still couldn't believe it. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself to have built the courage to do this. I've always secretly wanted to audition for a kpop company but never actually did because I was too scared of what people would think. However, when I found out that JYP Entertainment was coming to Toronto, I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity I couldn't miss. I couldn't let fear ruin my life, at least not this time. If there was one thing I learned through this experience, it was to **never give up without trying because you never know what could happen.** When I got to the waiting room, there were roughly 300 people already inside. This was probably the scariest part of the whole audition because from where we were, I could hear the previous group (crystal clear) through the door on the right. Just waiting and listening to the people audition before me was pretty intimidating and did nothing to calm my nerves. Although I was super nervous, I knew that this audition was my only chance to show them how badly I wanted it. I took a deep breath and used reverse psychology by telling myself "Don't lose confidence before even trying. Show them that you want to be a singer and give them your 100%." After the group before mine was done, we waited for them to exit the room before entering and were told to stand in a straight line. When we got in, there was one male judge who looked about mid thirties with a camera lady beside him. They were about 5 metres from us. The room was extremely small. 5 of us stood shoulder to shoulder and there really wasn't much more space. I was second in my group of 5. The first girl was a dancer, followed by me, a male model, a female model, then a female singer. We were told to look in the camera at all times and not the judge. Whilst I was performing, the other 4 in my line would watch/listen, as well as the next group of 5 waiting outside the door in the rectangular room. So essentially, I was performing in front of 10 people, aside from the judge and camera lady. I danced to Red Velvet's Dumb Dumb and they stopped me after a good minute. After we left the room, I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. My hands were shaky, mouth dry, legs wobbly, yet I was filled with adrenaline because I couldn't believe I just did that. Overall, this audition helped me developed my belief because it made me truly realize that you'll never get amazing opportunities like this if you're not willing to get out of your comfort zone. You must face your fears and take a chance because you just never know what come happen. Auditioning for JYP Entertainment was truly an experience I will never regret (despite possibly making a huge fool of myself). I'm honestly glad I tried it out and gave it a shot. You have nothing to lose and you don't want to regret not trying out for something you like.

There is an unanswered question in your presentation. You said "Never give up without trying because you will never know what could happen." Therefore, the belief system you created was based upon "at least trying". So what happened after you tried out? Obviously you did not make it through to the next level of auditions. but what happened during the time you were waiting for the decision? I don't get a sense of personal growth and connection with your newly minted belief system. That makes the essay inaccurate in presentation and does not really fulfill the expectations of your thesis statement. You narrated and you described but you did not show growth as a character / person who underwent such a personality altering audition. What lessons were learned that led you to develop your thesis statement? Anybody can try out and say, "At least I tried". In this case though, your thesis statement begs you to discuss more than that. As a college application essay, you have to consider this written interview as a way of presenting the idea of how you deal with disappointment and how you find personal enlightenment or chances for personal growth through these failures, which there may be a lot of, during your college life. Your thesis is good, but the presentation still needs to be developed further. It concentrated too much on descriptions and lost the balance of personal insight in the process.

**Topic: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people visit these places.** It is an inevitable fact that most museums and local sites are mainly focused by travellers and local residents are supposed to ignore these places. There are a range of reasons contributing to this problem. However, several measures can be taken by governments to address this issue. This phenomenon is believed to result from two main reasons. Most of local museums and historical sites have become really familiar to residents. Knowledge about these destinations has been taught to local students for many times. Therefore, local residents do not have a desire to visit these places as they think they have a deep insight into national history. For instance, in my country, Vietnam, students have already known about their native history for a long time. National history is a mandatory subject. As a result, local citizens in my area only want to gain experience about world history as well as different cultures. Another reason for which most people do not go to local museums or historical places is due to high-entrance price. Youngsters cannot afford for the cost as well as adults want to pay the same amount for something new or they have not known. Nevertheless, governments and schools can take steps to mitigate the potential problem. The first solution is authorities should allocate national budget to invest in museums and historical sites. Money can be utilized to develop these destinations such as decorating museums with more artefacts, allowing local people to visit without charging any fee. Secondly, institutions should launch campaigns to educate the locals to understand their native history deeply as well as raise awareness about local history conservation. Another method is schools should focus on teaching national history as important as other subjects. In conclusion, even though there are many reasons leading to this problem, I believe those in control and schools can certainly takes step to contend with this matter.

Tung, there are two points for correction in your essay. In the opening statement, you did not accurately paraphrase the prompt you were provided. There is a big difference between local people not visiting museums and local people ignoring the local museums. When you say "ignore" that means "refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally." Which is not the case here. the locals know the museum exists. They just don't visit the museum for unknown reasons. To immediately conclude that they are intentionally disregarding the existence of the museum is the wrong assumption. Specially when you read the line of reasoning presented later on. The paraphrased statement and the discussion you present does not fall under the "ignore" aspect. It is incorrect to say that the "local residents are supposed to ignore" the museum. Rather, you should be saying that "local residents do not have a keen interest in visiting the museum." 'supposed to ignore" means that the locals are required to ignore or not visit the museum, which is not a correct assumption. They are not required to ignore the museum nor refrain from visiting it, they just end up not going to the museum for some reason. It would have been better for your essay if you had not mentioned the high cost of museum entrance fees in the second paragraph if you were not going to offer a solution for it in the third paragraph. Bear in mind that when you are asked to represent solutions to problems, you need to make sure that all the scenarios that you presented in the previous paragraph have proposed solutions in the next paragraph. In this case, subsidies or free entrance days to the museums would have been a logical attraction to entice the locals to visit the museum. Work on better developing your concluding paragraph. Make sure that you accurately sum up the discussion and that your English skills are better highlighted at the close of the essay. The concluding paragraph is your last chance to impress the reviewer with your ability to read, understand, and write in English. So don't limit yourself to only one sentence. Fully utilize the concluding paragraph for your benefit.

Some people hold that it is the television that alienates the relationship of family members. To what extend to you agree or disagree? Here is my essay: ## TV screen can strengthen the bonds among family members With the blooming of many inventions over past decades, TV has find its way to become an important part of our daily life as it is very convenient for recreational and news spreading purposes. However, some people are convinced that television has taken up too much time and it is the cause that distances the relationships within family. I am only partially in agreement with such statement for the following reasons. First of all, I agree that nowadays, as TV is a very convenient and available ways to destress, many people are spending too much time screening it instead of talking to their family members. However, I believe that it is not the TV to blame, but the lack of communication within the family itself that creates such behavior. If family members are more actively engaged in communicating with each other, such as asking about their working day, talking more about mutual interests, the time individuals spend on just watching TV should be reduced significantly. Secondly, the fact that television gives people more mutual grounds cannot be denied. As family is a group of people of different range of ages and interests, it is hard to find a mutual concern for everyone to talk about. However, TV provides people with handy daily news both domestically and internationally, music programs, or series of movies, and so on, which everyone can talk about while enjoying their family's meals. For instance, in my family, both young and elder generations enjoy watching Big Bang theory, MasterChef, and we discuss and share our opinions about the show. Watching TV together can be considered an adhesive device that connects family members as well as helps each one rewind after such hardworking day. What is more, through discussion over a TV show, family members may have more chances to get to understand each other better. In conclusion, I am convinced that TV does not taint or alienate the relationships within a family, and if the time devoted to watching TV is proper, such small screen can strengthen the bonds among members.

Chantel, you have acquitted yourself very well in the opening statement. It is a confident reproduction of your original prompt requirements. The fact that you knew to measure the degree of your agreement with the statement shows that you took the time to carefully analyze the statement and consider the related factors. I just hope that you did not take too much time in considering your response because time is of the essence in writing these Task 2 essays. You don't have the luxury of time to seriously analyze and consider your response to the essay. Don't take more than 10 minutes to analyze the topic and formulate a draft response ok? Now, for the actual essay, the second paragraph is not really remarkable nor impressive since it doesn't related directly to the statement that you made in your opening paragraph. The real strength of this essay is in the way that you developed the third paragraph, which would have been better to present as your second paragraph because it directly relates to your opinion on the matter. In this type of essay, you need not discuss both sides, just the side that you are agreeing to. Make sure to indicate a more solid degree of agreement in the statement by indicating that *"My partial agreement with the statement is based upon my personal experience regarding the matter."* Your concluding statement is good but improperly presented. The concluding paragraph would have been even stronger if you had presented the information in individual sentences. These related sentences would have resulted in an excellent summary of the prompt, discussion presented, and your personal opinion on the matter. Everything considered, even with the errors that you made, I must acknowledge that you have the potential to perform very well in this section of the test. You just need to develop your essay writing and analytical skills over time and more practice tests.

**"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up" To what extent do you agree or disagree?** ## both parents should devote their time to children Many people have contrasting views about where mother or father should pay much their attention to grow their children than the other side. While mother plays an important role in bringing kids up in most of the traditional families, I do believe fatherhood is as vital as motherhood, especially in terms of equality in sharing works and knowledge they can both bring to their children. To commence with, the definition of "family" has been changed over the time and recently father and mother should share their works with each other to convey the idea of equality to their kids at his or her very first stage. In my judgment, men are no longer breadwinner of the family in modern times, women can also earn money for additional expenses of their babies. On the other hand, men should also take care of housework besides their wives such as play with their children, spend time feeding babies, etc. It is likely that the children will feel the balance of acquiring care from both mom and dad. Not only is sharing works a positive way to do their children good, but knowledge and experience they can teach their babies are crucial as well. As men and women often have different views about some specific problems, their point of view somehow takes great effect on their children's thinking. That the way mother and father give their knowledge to their children in distinctive aspects of things can trigger their kids to broaden his or her mind to a practical problem so that they can evaluate issues more objectively. In conclusion, although many people still put this problem on top of deciding whether motherhood is essential in raising children and vice versa. Nowadays, in many families, many mothers become a breadwinner in finance and their husbands take the time to take after their kids so the space of earning money for families and doing chores is much closer than ever. To help children develop in a proper and comprehensive way, both parents need to devote their time to children's progress. (342 words)

Khoa, you need a sense of clarity and prompt adherence in your opening statement. While you did make a convincing paraphrase of the original prompt, the instruction regarding the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement is not really clear. A clearer version of this opening statement can be found below: *While women have the final decision as to whether or not to have babies, I do not believe they alone have the right to raise the child. Other people believe that the presence of a father in a child's life is also important. So fatherhood carries equal weight when it comes to raising the child. Based upon several reasons that I will be presenting in this essay, I hope to convey the extent of my agreement with those people who believe that fatherhood is just as important as motherhood.* Your simple English sentences manage to get your point across to the reader. That is good work on your part. However, you have a tendency to write in a relaxed manner when this essay requires consistent academic writing. Try to avoid using words like "etc." and other abbreviations in your essays as that signifies non-academic writing principles and could have an adverse effect on your score. Work on improving your concluding paragraphs. Bear in mind the reason why the concluding paragraph exists. That is to remind the reader about the topic being discussed, the reasons presented in relation to the discussion, and what your opinion of the matter is. You can highlight the concluding paragraph by starting it with terms like " In conclusion", "Finally", "In the end", and "To close this discussion", among other references to the closing statement. Remember, no new information. A paragraph with new information presented is not considered a conclusion. If you count 3 reasoning based paragraphs in your essay, the next paragraph should be the conclusion. I am not sure why there is additional information after your single concluding sentence. Did you forget to delete that? It doesn't sound like it is part of the conclusion you had developed.

**Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of new for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?** ## The internet or newspaper? It's undeniable that Internet has become popular all over the world. Some people claim that the Internet can replace every kinds of transporting information to people while the remainder believe that traditional newspaper still hold the most necessary position among news reader. In my view, I'm completely in favor of the first idea due to the benefits it offers. First and foremost, the internet is more attractive because of its easy access. Thanks to the appearance of internet on almost portable devices such as mobile phone, people can search for huge storage of news. Take the terrorization in November in 2015 happened in Paris for example. Just after a few minutes, it was updated on the internet and received a lot of sharing as well as contribution from global citizens. In contrast, with confusing procedures like editing and printing, everyone will know clearly about that news through the internet before the newspaper is public. The second thing attracts people to read news online is that not only can they read but they also can be more interested in watching with real images. Rather than reading a long writing on newspaper or websites, people can listen to the announcer with a series of pictures illustrating for the news. Furthermore, newspaper can be easily lost but the internet will save eternally. For instance, a soccer fan can re-watch football matches anytime with only a tablet or a laptop connected the internet which we can never enjoy on newspaper. In conclusion, it is rather absurd that newspaper is the most crucial source of information because it's nearly impossible for it to keep up with the speed of updating news on the internet.

@kiki2807 why are you saying that you are "in favor" of an idea when the essay is asking you for your agreement or disagreement to the topic being presented? Use the correct keywords in representing your opinion in the essay. The correct last sentence for your essay would have been *"I disagree with the statement that newspapers will remain an important source of news."* When you failed to use the correct keywords from the original prompt, you changed the discussion instructions for your essay from the original and as such, will severely affect your final score. This is not just a mark down, this is a distinct failing score in the Task Accuracy portion because you misunderstood the instructions and therefore, presented the wrong discussion for the topic. Once you fail in the task accuracy portion, it will be difficult to recover enough to get a passing score using the remain scoring considerations. Your conclusion managed to get your discussion back on track though. However, make it a practice to use more academic words rather than terms such as "absurd" because that is not considered an academically respectable term. Properly summarize your discussion and reasons and then close the essay with a restatement of your opinion. 3 sentences will suffice in your conclusion, properly reflecting the points I mentioned, to help improve your low task accuracy score.

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to use printed material such as books and articles to do research than it is to use the internet. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. ## sources for information materials \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ In the past, without the widespread presence of the Internet, people made use of printed materials for information. However, the Internet apparently wires in every corner of the world by now. Hence, most information now is referenced from the Internet, which I am totally in favor of. This essay will explore the reasons for my choice. To begin with, searching for information from the Internet is less time-consuming than from books and articles. It is because of the introduction of searching engines, which allow the exploration of millions of data. All users have to do is to type down the questions that they feel dubious, and all sorts of answers emerge at the click of a button. For example, when an Internet user asks for "How to say hello in English", the searching engine on the Internet will reply with thousands answers on the dot. Compared to the printed one, it is far faster. On using books, readers have to look up the content and spend time looking for the pages. For this reason, it would take at least several minutes to do the book-searching procedures. Secondly, the Internet can provide more sufficient answers than the other can. The Internet is dominated by billions of people. Among these people, there are possibly thousands of experts coming from different fields. So, when someone proposes a question, it can be answered by different experts. Consequently, the response to the question may possibly never get inaccurate. Meanwhile, the author who writes a book, whose authority on their subject might be profound, can make a mistake. But, since he authorizes the book by himself, the mistake will surely be overlooked. A classic case in point for this is the recently published result from the findings from Harvard University. It has pointed out clearly that nearly 75% of the book contains some erroneous details, while the Internet only publishes 20% false information. Finally, the finding constitutes a conclusion that the reliability of the Internet overwhelms that of the printed material. In the final analysis, the Internet is a worthier source of reference for researching than the other one. Therefore, we should appreciate the essence of the Internet for researching purpose because the Internet are not sure to be here to stay. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Thank you for commenting on my essay! I am so grateful that you guys could help!

Minh, your body paragraph for your reasoning is acceptable. The problem is that your opening paragraph and concluding paragraphs still have an improper presentation. For one, the way that you represented the paraphrased prompt in the opening statement, you are not accurately retelling the topic and instructions from the original. Your paraphrase actually had you representing a different topic for discussion. One of the correct ways to have opened the essay is as follows: *These days, there are two different ways to accomplish research work. The first one, is by consulting and referring to books and the other, is by conducting an internet search. Some people say that it is better to use printed material rather than the internet. I disagree with this statement and I will be presenting reasons and examples below to help explain my disagreement.* Do you see how I used keywords from the original in order to paraphrase the original statement? This presentation tells the reviewer that I understood the essay requirements and will be discussing it in the suggested manner of the original prompt. This strong paraphrasing representation will immediately insure that I get the highest possible marks for the the task accuracy section of the essay. Meaning I have a better chance of passing the overall essay requirements because of the impressive paraphrasing. Your concluding statement is not even near the required elements for it to be considered acceptable nor a proper conclusion. If I were to write the closing statement for this essay I would probably have said: *Due to the ease by which a person can do research using the internet and the fact that the internet is easier to access than most books, I will reiterate my disagreement with the opinion that it is better to use printed material than the internet. Research done using more accurate sources, such as those found on the internet, assures the researcher that his work will have verified and up to date information as opposed to dated book references. Printed material is not better than the information found on the internet.* By the way, in reference to your data from Harvard University, please do not mention any researched information because you won't have access to , nor have the time to do actual research during the exam. Use only common knowledge, personal experience, or personal opinions which will further help increase your score because this will show the examiner that you know how to relate your personal side with the given discussion in an appropriate and applicable manner. This will result in an increased score consideration in the end.

**Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.** ## avoiding meat or fish in everyday menu To choose what type of food we prefer to feed ourselves, there are some considerations to take into account: the sustainability of the production mechanism and how healthy it is to eat different types of foods. For example, there are some people that believe that eating meat and fish is unhealthy, and it could damage our environment. In my case, I think that animal products, especially meat and fish, are very important to the nutrition of our bodies. In some cases, producing - for example - vegetal products could be more harmful to the world. In this essay, we are going to discuss the first statement, and my point of view about this interesting topic. In terms of the nutritional contribution, consuming meat and fish gives us nutritional components like proteins, which are very important to keep our bodies working. Proteins help us to be stronger, and are very important to the growth of children. Although, proteins could be obtained from different sources, animal food is the most important origin of these components. For that reason, removing meat and fish from our diet could be harmful to our body, if we do not replace these with other protein sources. To discuss about how good the production of meat and fish is for our environment, we need to know an important fact: producing different kinds of food needs natural resources which are scarce. In that way, people that believe that the production of animal products have negative consequences on the sustainability of the world, are not totally right. compared to the production of vegetable products, animal products could be more efficient in terms of resources used, like water. For example, production of hydroponic vegetables use a lot of water, so if we just eat vegetable food, it does not ensure that the earth will be better. To avoid negative effect of the production of animal food, we have to encourage the sustainable production of meat and fish. In conclusion, people that choose not to eat meat and fish could provoque negative effects on the health and it does not guarantee a positive effect on the sustainability of our environment. Having a balanced diet is going to be the healthy way to live, and stimulating the sustainable production of animal food will be a good way to maintain the equilibrium of our world.

Matias, in the opening statement, you are expected to simply restate the prompt for discussion, the side of the issue presented in the prompt, and an indication of your personal opinion. You are not allowed to openly discuss information in this paragraph, more so information that is not found in the original prompt requirement. Your opening statement, due to the problem with the presentation has ensured that this essay will not get a satisfactory score from the reviewer. The opening statement is the most important part of any English test so you have to get the paraphrased requirements right. This part of the essay accounts for at least half of your essay score so if you cannot do well in the other portions, at least get the opening statement right in order to give your essay an increased chance at a decent score. Your body paragraphs also contain lengthy sentences that should have been cut short in order to present them as sentences. You have run-on sentences composing the essay because you chose to use a comma instead of a period to separate your thoughts. This makes the paragraphs difficult to read and understand for the examiner. Sadly, these serious grammar accuracy problems will further reduce the points that you could have received for that section of the essay. My final observation is that you do not have an accurate concluding paragraph in this essay. What you have is an additional paragraph that represents additional information. When you write a concluding paragraph, make sure that you accurately sum up the discussion previously presented. That is all that the concluding paragraph should do. No additional information required. Remember, you have a 5 paragraph maximum requirement for the essay. Work on your presentation skills as well in order to further improve your scores in all 4 scoring considerations.

Please give me comments to amend this essay and if it is possible, score for me. In fact, my problem is how to describe my idea within 300 words. I try to short and coherence this. Still confusing about the conclusion paragraph and personal paragraph >"< ..................................................................................................................... ## the role of zoos for human The relationship between zoo and animal continues be a controversial topic, although the zoo right now evolves into "animal-park". In the following essay, I will clarify views of 2 perspectives about this problem and offer my personal opinion on the end of the discussion. First, we discuss about perspective the anti-lobby who totally refute the role of zoo. In their opinion, the zoo damage the natural habitat of animal - include the survival in the wildlife and how to take care their offspring naturally. Moreover, it is immoral if we capture them on the narrow space for serving the benefit of human. Finally, the zoo is limited the evolved process of animal which is mentioned on "Evolution Theory" of Darwin about an adapted ability of animal in the natural environment. Conversely, the support-lobby assume that the role of the zoo is protected the animal. At the present, we can't control an illegal hunting and the zoo is the best solution. On the other hand, facing with the endangered animal disappear more and more because of "big fish eats small fish" and natural diseases, the role of the zoo isn't declined. Furthermore, with the developed science, a human can create and protect the new species in the semi-natural environment. On my personal opinion, I think the role of the zoo is predominant because it will protect the animal from the illegal poacher in the present circumstance when we can't control that. Besides, human effort creates the environment which nearly similar with a natural home of animal like the national park and trains them to live in the natural environment without interruption of human. Eventually, we can' refute that the area of the modern zoo - "national park" is more and more expanding and that is the great safeguard for many animals.

Nguyet, the next time that you post your essay for review, please post the complete original instructions along with it so that I can have a starting point for the assessment of your written work. You see, without the instructions, it is difficult for me to review and make suggestions regarding how to improve your essay. However, I will do my best to assist you with your current essay. Remember, because I don't have the original prompt for reference, my advice will be limited in scope. I hope it still helps you though. As of now the score for this particular essay is 2. The reason for the score is because there is a lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your discussion. You can limit this problem by using only one reason per paragraph and using simple English sentences for now. It is better if you present only simple sentences at this point because your English vocabulary does not allow you to properly use the words in a complex sentence setting at the moment. I admire the way that you tried to present complex discussions in your paragraph. The problem of grammar structure and sentence errors is what pulls down your essay score. If you wish to improve your method of writing, I suggest that you read more English based materials during your free time. by familiarizing yourself with the way that others write in English, you will be able to pick up more pointers on how to better structure your sentence presentations and use complex sentences in a more efficient manner. Your personal opinion paragraph cannot serve as your concluding paragraph. The structure of a concluding paragraph is the same as the opening paragraph. Only this time, present the topic for discussion, a shortened version of the reasons you discussed in your essay and then close with a paraphrasing of your personal statement. Just use terms that signify that the paragraph is the conclusion by saying phrases like "In conclusion", "In the end", " To close this discussion", or variations thereof.

I am new here, I want to get high scores in toefl IBT exam. can you help me correct it? **Why do you think people attend college and university?** ( TOEFL IBT) ## attending schools is beneficial for life After graduation from high school, most students tend to attend colleges or universities. There are many reasons for that. I think that three following reasons are the most important. Firstly, people want to increase their knowledge. Of course, students will receive a good education in the college. They study with good and experienced teachers, their friends when they take classes and courses. They choose many diffrerent subjects to learn. So they perceive more. Moreover, entering a college can help people improve their necessary skills. When we give a speech in front of people about a topic, we can be more confident, their speaking skills are developed. We can attend volunteer clubs to help another people, improve their teamwork skills. In addition, one of the most important reasons is learning how to set up goals for life. Every body wants to have a happy and successful life. Living for good and suitable goals makes their dreams come true. Students can learn it step by step by listening to teachers, friends, corporate trainers, speakers, authors, etc. Therefore, students have new approaches to getting life they want. All in all, more and more people want to attend colleges to benefit their lives

Doan, the essay that you wrote can garner you a score of 2. The way you discussed the essay is clear and represents a well thought out line of reasoning. However, there is plenty of room for the improvement of your writing skills which can help to gain a passing final score. You must learn to clearly outline the discussion that you will be presenting in the essay in order to show a strong understanding of the topic for discussion and how you plan to present it to the reader. For example, the opening statement I would have written for this essay would be: *While there is a clear increase in the interest of students to attend college and university, very little is known as to the reasons behind this trend. I believe that there are 3 important reasons that people decide to attend higher studies after high school. These are the reasons that I will be discussing in this essay. People who have an interest in college and universities... Students with a keen interest in a specific field... Finally, college and university studies....* Or you could have numbered the paragraphs by saying; "Firstly", "Secondly", and "Thirdly" as well. Either way of consecutive presentation is acceptable. You can number it or not. There is no right or wrong way of presenting it. What is important to remember is that by presenting a more academically worded paper, the TOEFL test analysis of your work will give the impression that you are a well read and capable of carrying on a discussion, in written and spoken English form. Now, while others here have a different view of the sentence requirement, the standard 3-5 sentence paragraph development is important in increasing your score. Remember, limiting yourself to two sentences, though well written will not impress the reviewer. However, a well discussed 3-5 sentence paragraph will allow you to better show off your command of the English language. Which is the point of the test. The better you can express yourself in English, in a preset number of sentences and paragraphs, the better your final score will be. Try to develop your sentences per paragraph in an better manner over your succeeding practice tests. Believe me, you can't go wrong by writing 300 words per essay. 300 words being the more ideal presentation for a better score possibility.

*In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.* ## stepping out of academic treadmill Taking a year off before starting college is no longer a common occurrence among Western countries but is gaining popularity in other parts of the world. Delaying college studies obviously bring about tremendous benefits while on the contrary its drawbacks are notable. On the one hand, stepping out of academic treadmill would give students certain advantages. Firstly, this helps them ameliorate a sense of academic burnout. By travelling and discovering contrasting way of life rather than their own, or pursue a passion, students can unwind, take a hard look at their habits and assess the feasibility of their goals. In addition, being exposed to divergent cultures could also broaden their horizons, aid emotional maturity prior to transitioning to college. Secondly, deepening one's professional awareness is crucial to ensure not making wrong choices. The fact that students switch their field of study several times during the course of their study not only put more strain on their supporter's pocket but also is considered a huge waste of time and effort. Knowing what suits one best is better than chasing unattainable dreams due to incompetence On the other hand, lazing around without a thorough plan is root of potential downsides. For those who postpone the difficulties of college, being free for a whole year could result in involving in binge drinking and other self-destructive behaviors. The startling consequence may be losing their hard-earned study skills that ends up in being reluctant to dive back to school. In conclusion, taking a gap year in terms of engaging in meaningful activities could be a huge asset while self-indulgence could backfire and trigger unpleasant experience, in the worst case not go back to school.

Kenzin, you need to make sure that you present an equal amount of reasons within your paragraphs. That means, if you present 2 reasons for the advantage, then present 2 reasons for the disadvantage as well. Do not place the 2 ideas in the same paragraph as each paragraph should only discuss one reason in a complete form. 2 ideas means you have to present 2 individual paragraphs for the ideas. Since you have a maximum of 5 paragraphs, composed of 5 sentences each, you should only present one advantage and one disadvantage idea because the first paragraph will be the introduction and the last paragraph will be the summarized conclusion. In order to meet the minimum sentence requirements, please make sure that you present at least 3 sentences in every paragraph. You have only 2 sentences in the introduction only 1 in the conclusion, which will result in a mark down of your paper.

**Environmental problems are so big that they cannot be solved by any person or country alone. Instead, it should be solved at international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?** ## Who is responsible for pollution? Environmental problems exist in most of the countries in the world. Due to the problems are not geologically isolated, such as water pollution and air pollution, it is necessary to solve in an multilateral way. Many people support global-cooperation to solve environmental problems. one reason is that pollutions are not geological limited.for instance, the water polluted in one country can flue into another country along with river or underground river. nations need to cooperate to pass some multilateral contract to solve these issues. Another reason is that some less developed countries have no enough technique or capital to deal with complex environmental problems, so they need other countries' help deal with some issues. Another voice of solve environmental problems by country alone also exist. firstly, if some pollution or ecological balance deterioration only appear in the nations which only care about economic benefits and don't try to stop this phenomenon spread,it is absolutely to solve this kind of issues by the countries alone. Secondly, if the pollution only have severe impact on one country's people and environment and they can't find the country who want to help them, they have no choice but to solve the pollute issue alone by themselves. For example, some inland countries produce many pollute water and draw it to inland lake, because the pollution sites are far away from other countries, so the other country have no necessary to interfere with the problems. In conclusion, solve the environmental by any person or country is welcome, but national cooperation is more important.

Robin, if you say that the solution to the problem lies in a multilateral solution, then you must take the last paragraph of the opening statement to indicate the degree by which you believe that a multilateral solution is the best approach to the problem of pollution. By adding another sentence to the end of the opening statement, you will fulfill the missing requirement of your essay paraphrasing. Since you already did a good job with the partial paraphrasing of the original discussion and instructions, adding the missing requirement will make the paragraph complete and more than acceptable. It will be impressive because it will prove your English comprehension skills immediately. If I were to present an opening statement for this topic, I would have presented it this way: *Environmental problems are considered a global problem these days. As such, the world at large believes that these problems should not be addressed on an individual or country alone. Rather, the problem can only be resolved on an international level. I am in total agreement with this point of view because of certain obvious evidence that exist today.* Your paragraphs containing your discussion points and evidences are admirable. It shows a knowledge of the public perception and some logical solutions based upon your personal knowledge and experience. You should be proud of your work in that area. However, your concluding statement is too short to help the essay gain a better score. It should be more than just a single sentence that does not accurately represent the previous discussion and its related information. The concluding statement must be a complete summary of the previous discussion in order to better highlight your English writing and vocabulary abilities.

Please check and score my essay. I'd be really thankful! **Some people propose that smoking should be banned completely. What's your opinion? Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.** Here is my essay ## people's attitude toward smoking Recently, people's attitude toward smoking has significantly altered. The habit once considered elegant of high-end people is now regarded as a bad habit. I completely side with people who suggest that smoking should be strictly prohibited. First of all, smoking is proved to have links with lung cancer and other cardiac diseases. WHO has released a report indicating that smokers have noticeable shorter life span than those who do not smoke, approximately up to ten years, as they are more likely to experience fatal illness. Moreover, people who smoke get more chances of giving birth to children with deficiencies. It should also be noticed that not only smoking affects people who smoke, passive smokers, those inhale secondhand smoke suffer as well. It is evident that the rate of non-smokers suffering from smoking-related diseases is even higher than that of smokers. Secondly, strict prohibition of smoking can save up a large amount of money for the government and related authorities. Many people argue that tobacco industry is one of the key contributors to the national economy, as the taxes imposed on such industry is extremely high. However, the cost that the government has to pay to proceed medical research and to address problems arising from smoking is much greater than those collected. In conclusion, I advocate the opinion opposing of smoking and convinced that the government should completely ban smoking due to the hazardous consequences it might bring to human's well-being, as well as the fact it would gradually hurt the national economy.

Chantel, your body paragraphs for the defense of your stance is perfect. It is within the required sentence number per paragraph and shows a logical thought development followed by a cohesive presentation of ideas in each paragraph. If you can, I would like you to work on creating transition sentences for the end of your paragraph body so that you can create a more fluid flow of discussion into the next paragraph instead of the abrupt change in topic discussions that you now present. As for the negatives of your paper, there are a few that I have to point out. The first is that the opening statement does not accurately represent the prompt requirement. Here an example of a proper prompt paraphrase for this paper (make sure to follow the example for the rest of your practice papers): *Smoking is an activity that has been enjoyed by many people through the centuries. However, there has been a recent rise in the discussion as to whether smoking should be banned completely or not. In my opinion, smoking should be completely banned. In this essay, I will be discussing the reasons that I feel justify my support for a total smoking ban.* You need to make sure that you properly introduce the topic for discussion, the opinions presented in the essay, and what sort of discussion is to follow (personal opinion). These comprise the essay outline that serve to help the reader understand what kind of essay discussion they are to expect from you. The way that you present the paraphrased prompt will also be used to determine your ability to understand, analyze, and follow English instructions. Your conclusion is improper because it is to be used as a discussion summary at the end of the essay. This is to be composed of a minimum of 3 sentences as well. Not a single paragraph as you have now. Your task in the conclusion is to restate the prompt, summarize the important discussion points, then present a closing sentence to signify that the essay discussion is complete. Do not present new information in the conclusion because that will turn it into another body paragraph instead of a closing commentary.

I hope everyone give me a comment to amend that essay and score it for me. Besides, is it right about the length of task 2 should be within 250 to 300 words? ........................................................................................ Topic 1: **Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinions.** Essay: ## "Should sport be a compulsory subject at school?" has been a controversial topic for a long time. Some people assure that sport is unnecessary for the modern student. However, other agree that sport should be compulsory in school. In the following essay, I will clarify both of that views. First, on the protest side who said a sport is unnecessary, their opinion is, in the present, children have to face a lot of stress in studying academic majors at schools such as Math, Physics, Chemistry and so on. Besides, they attend many other extra curricula in a society which take a lot of time resource. Is sport essential for them or it just bring more pressure for them? Furthermore, not many students willing to attend sport at school because of their limited physical ability. That is the reason why sport should be considered as an optional subject at modern school. Contrasting with the preceded opinion, some people protect sports and presume that it should be compulsory. We can't refuse that modern students have to face much pressure from school and competitive society. In fact, besides studying, they spend almost time for other social activities such as volunteer and extra curricula to make the beautiful profile for a future plan, attending some entertainment activities with their friends and spending time for family. Therefore, they need a logical lifestyle which helps them healthy on both of physical and mental. Sports is the fundamental key to help children get the great healthy body. Furthermore, it also helps them increasing the cooperating, fair-play and competitive spirit which are appreciated in a modern job market. In addition, many colleges and companies evaluate candidates by not only the academic result but also physical activities because they want their potential members are not only bookworms. Overall, I feel that sport is great important activities for students. It helps them more healthy on physical and mental. It is an enormous trouble if all of the students, because of concentrating on studying academic majors at school, reject attend sports. Moreover, sports is the great method to prevent obesity which is an urgent dilemma in Western now. That is the reasons why I think sport should be compulsory subject at school.

Nguyet, While the acceptable word count for task 2 is 250 words, it would help your score if you can write more than that. Say 300 words within 5 paragraphs, composed of 5 sentences (not six or more) each. So your essay is over the expected word count by 67 words. I think you did not accurately time yourself when writing this essay which is why you have more than the required words in your completed work. The practice of timing yourself during the mock tests is essential to your actual performance. Without the timer inclusion in your practice tests, you will find that you do not enough time to complete an accurate essay during the exam day itself. Make it a part of your regular routine to use a timer each time you practice essay writing. The way that you paraphrased the essay shows that you have a good degree of English comprehension skills. However, the paraphrasing delivered an incomplete outline because you failed to address the action of presenting a personal opinion within the essay body itself. The last sentence should have read; *"... clarify both views and offer my personal opinion at the end of the discussion."* After the almost impressive opening statement, your body of paragraphs representing the points of view in the essay gave me the impression of an analytical person who truly thinks before he writes. The problem is that you thought too much and ended up over discussing the topic paragraph in the 3rd body. With only 30 minutes to complete all the work involved in the writing of an essay it is important to keep the essay short but informative. Try to achieve that next time. Even writing only 3 sentences is acceptable provided those 3 sentences are useful and informative towards the discussion. In the 2nd paragraph, it is important that you do not include any questions when writing a body paragraph. That is because posing a question requires you to deviate from the topic provided and will need a separate paragraph to discuss it completely. Just present facts and avoid using terms like "and so on" because those are word fillers that do not help to enhance the message of the paragraph. The 3rd paragraph could have used more focus towards the discussion of the topic. While you did present enough explanations within, the discussion tended to run too long and lose the attention of the reader. That is why there is a sentence limitation in place. You need to learn how to express yourself with fewer words and sentences in a consistent manner. The consistency is required because you already showed that you are capable of discussing the paragraphs within 5 sentences. You somehow got carried away with the discussion in the third paragraph. Unfortunately, your 4th paragraph is not acceptable as a concluding paragraph because this is the section of the essay that discusses your personal opinion. Therefore, you are not able to properly close the discussion. Your personal opinion is very well developed and helps to increase the overall impression of your work. I wish that you had taken the time to write a proper concluding statement that accurately summarizes and ends this discussion though. Please take not of the suggested points for improvement. The most important being the word count in relation to the time allotted. Having mentioned the specific problems of this essay, I am going to be leaving you with a score of 6, even though there are a few marked problems with your essay. The examiner would probably score this less than 6 based on the problems but I am sure that it will not be less than a 5 as your work is extremely well done in this essay.

Question: *Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.* ## reasons to learn a foreign language There are over a thousand languages spoken in the world that people use in their daily lives. The reason person learning a foreign language may merely for traveling or business purpose. With the advance of technology, people travel to another country for fun or business is quite common nowadays. It motivates a lot of people obtaining another language as a communication skill. They may be more easy to inquire traveler's guide or bargain at lower price since they know how to use the language well. For business person, they are more accessible to global firms because language is no more a barrier of communication. However, some believe that there are more incentives for people to learn a foreign language. Take scientists for example, they have to do research with a variety of references from other countries, then they should learn some principles of other languages in order to understand the ideas in foreign language. As for historians, they should learn other languages to understand the living type of other cultures. With thousands of languages spoken in the world, people interchanges their language for better understanding and culture respect. I do learn languages but not only for traveling or working overseas. Learning foreign language is a way for me to know how people behaves, lives, and think in their own culture. I appreciate different cultures for its own distinction, and learning their languages makes me more acceptable to various cultures. Overall, traveling and work are major reasons for people to learn a foreign language while there are more cultural or scientific aspects for you to discover rather than language exchange only.

@Allentseng I can see that you understood the prompt requirement in its original form. Sadly, you were not able to properly restate the prompt, the discussion requirement, and clearly outline the expected discussion in your paraphrased opening statement. The lack of a properly restated prompt shows a lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the opening statement. This will, in an actual test, lead to a lower than passing score for your task accuracy portion. since the Task Accuracy portion is one of the most important considerations in your written essay, it is very possible that your essay will not be very good in the overall consideration of the 4 criteria for scoring. Speaking of scoring, the overall possible score for your essay is a 4. That is because the essay is not very good when it comes to discussion presentation and formatting. While paragraphs 2-4 shows the correct sentence requirement, the shortness of your opening statement and concluding paragraphs will affect your grammar accuracy score. Keep reminding yourself that the improvement of your score will rely on the more complex sentence presentation and improved vocabulary. The paragraph stands a better chance of proving that you are capable of writing well in English and that you understand how to use English words in the correct context of a sentence if you can present your thoughts within 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Your line of reasoning and examples provided are good but under developed in terms of proper representation of your discussion. If you try to discuss a limited number of examples, meaning only one example per requirement in the essay, you can spend more time proving that your English language usage has the potential to make you a good student in an English speaking school in the future. Once the reviewer realizes that you have a good command of the English language, meaning you can be understood properly by the reader, then you will most likely improve your overall final score for the essay portion.

[IELTS] Task 2 : I've done my essay but I think it has some errors, pls read it and help me *Motorways help people travel quickly and cover long distances but also cause problems. Why and give reasons ?* ( I dont really remember the question :) sorry) ## motorways importance for people Most roads now are covered with concrete in order to facilitate the needs of traveling. But they also give rise to some negative consequences that really hinder the authorities. This essay will discuss this problem and give reasonable explanations of it. In the 21st century, means of transport have developed dramatically from motorbikes to sophisticated automobiles. Therefore roads also need to be upgraded to avert traffic congestion during rush hour . Furthermore, many industries rely on motorways such as delivery or taxi service. With an organized network of roads those businesses can be operated well. According to a recent survey from The Time, 90% of chief executive officers from famous companies such as Uber and Grab report that their revenue has increased 40% since 2000 thanks to the improved motorways. On the other hand, concrete roads have caused certain negative impacts. Firstly, the government must spend a significant amount of financial resources so as to invest in upgrading motorways. This is difficult for developing countries because their national funds would run out if they spent money on enhancing traffic roads. Secondly, organizing road networks involves resident's household. The authorities choose which houses need to be demolished in order to make room for motorways. As a result numerous families may lose their homes which contain items holding precious memories. In conclusion, motorways have both positive and negative impacts on the social community. Although they facilitate the demand for transportation and help avoid traffic jams, a better roads also costs a considerable sum of money and make people lose their beloved homes. ( Thanks for reading my essay !!! Im still a newbie so if there are any mistakes, feel free to leave a comment !)

Are you kidding me?! Please remember that your essays cannot be properly reviewed and assessed if you cannot provide us with the proper prompt instructions. It is not a smiling matter to tell us that you cannot remember the question. How can you be helped or advised regarding improvements if there is nothing to base the observations of your work on? I cannot tell you that you did a good job if I don't know what the job you are being asked to do is. Remember, accuracy on your part means useful advice for your improvement on the contributors end. The essay that you wrote is confused, does not follow any coherent or cohesive discussion in relation to the (possible) prompt and and in effect would not get a passing score. Do not do research when writing these essay practices because you are not going to have internet access at the testing center. Always be conscious of the time limit (30 minutes) when you practice writing the test. Within 30 minutes, you only have time to use popular knowledge or personal experience for your discussions. Since I am not clear as to what your actual discussion instruction is, I cannot even tell you how to improve the possible problem points with your discussion. My final advice for you is this. Take the practice tests seriously. Offer a complete prompt discussion instruction when you ask us to review your essay. Make sure that you apply the correct writing method when you develop your essay. This is not a joke. This test will determine if you can study in the UK, Australia, and Canada, or not. This is not a tongue in cheek test so there is no "Ooops! Sorry!" moment. When you can't even remember the instructions for the essay, then you are bound to fail it.

## The most effective and affordable method for the health issues is prevention Government should make awareness among people that preventing a disease is more important in the first place than contracting a disease and then opting for treatment.I totally agree to the idea and the best way to keep oneself physically fit is daily exercise. Health is important for physical and mental well being of people.It is the duty of government to make basic health facilities available to its citizen be its rich or poor.For this government has set an extended health system comprising of basic health units and tertiary health units.Health specialist all over the world are of the view that its better to prevent contagious and life threatening diseases rather than treating it after getting caught by the disease.In this regard government should make awareness among people by starting campaigns involving printing and visual media .Moreover they should induct health professionals who should go to far flung areas and educate people where no other means of communication are possible.One such example is polio awareness program as polio has eradicated in developed countries but its still there in developing countries like Pakistan ,where our country is taking all the necessary measures to educate people and clear their myths and misconceptions.on the other hand most people believe that its not only duty of government to provide facility but individual effort on his/her part is also necessary. To keep oneself fit he should have a healthy lifestyle with daily exercise .One should avoid sedentary life style that leads to obesity and is the root cause of various diseases. thus in my opinion in order to prevent diseases and have a healthy life government should spend a good amount of its annual budget and make reforms to create awareness among people.

Sana, your paraphrasing is not in the acceptable format. It does not clearly explain the original topic for discussion nor does it accurately outline the type of discussion that shall be proceeding. Due to the lack of information regarding your essay, I am unable to accurately address the prompt responsiveness of your opening statement. Please remember to always include the original prompt instructions with your essays for review. Your second paragraph is also unacceptable as it goes beyond the maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph. That happened because you decided to discuss 2 separate ideas in a single paragraph. Each paragraph must contain only one idea and one discussion in order to accurately represent your control of the written English language. Therefore, this paragraph should have been divided into 2 with the example of Polio representing the 3rd paragraph in the 5 paragraph opinion essay. Your conclusion is even more problematic as you totally disregarded the English writing rules by starting the sentence with a small rather than a capitalized letter. The academically accepted rule is that the first word of a given sentence, regardless of its placement in the paragraph, must be capitalized. Aside from that, your conclusion does not follow the mandatory format for an essay conclusion. Review the rules regarding the proper writing of an essay conclusion in order to correct this mistake in the future.

**Motorways help people travel quickly and cover long distances but they also cause problems. What are the problems of motorways and what solutions are there?** ## high-speed transportation shortcomings - solutions It is true that the construction of motorways promotes high-speed transportation and alleviate burden of prolonged travelling. Despite these advantages, this amenity has its own demerits such as environmental degradation, pollution and dangerous journeys. One of the main issues associated with broad highway is the negative impact on environment. Many of these routes, for example, have created after destroying clusters of plant species, thus reducing the green part of the area, which promotes the chance of global warming. Moreover, heavy traffic on motorways creates pollution. This means vehicles emit enormous amount of smoke and probably a great noise, consequently people and nature might suffer with this problem. Yet another main problems of motorways is its chances of accidents due to speed of motor vehicles and weather conditions. In these routes, for instance, speed limits likely to be more higher than city or village routes. If they are not maintaining adequate speed or exceeds limits, perhaps will lead to road traffic accidents. Furthermore, climatic conditions often increase accidents by altering visual pathways or covering sign boards (for example: smog). These all are the main demerits of motorways. There are some solutions that can be taken to curtail issues in motorways. Firstly, government should plan properly before constructing such pathways and give more consideration to the environment in order to reduce negative impact on it. Secondly, it is always possible to provide awareness campaign to drivers regarding traffic rules and protocols to reduce incidents. Lastly, smoke tests strategies and sound restrictions policies should be implemented to curb the issues of pollution. To conclude, thanks to motorway, which helps to save more time in the hectic life of many people: however, its negative consequences should not be forgotten. On the other hand, close and cordial actions on the part of government and public can help to curtail such negatives to a great extent. Dear friends, kindly give your suggestion. Because I have stuck on 6.5 in ielts exam after my 3rd attempt in writing module as I need 7 band. Please

Anu, the overall score for your essay is a 5. The score is based upon the improper paraphrasing of the opening statement, lack of proper paragraph / discussion development, and lack of complex sentence development. Your lexical resource is amateur at best and did not help to increase your score either. Had you properly paraphrased the prompt discussion, your score could have been increased to at least a 6. At this point, your biggest problem in the essay seems to be your inability to properly paraphrase the prompt. That led to a misunderstanding of the prompt requirements and your discussion. Since the paraphrasing is supposed to outline the discussion, in the manner required by the original instruction, you need to practice developing your outline statements. Make sure that you only offer the topic for discussion, the discussion purpose, and the manner of discussion properly in the opening statement before you move on to the body paragraphs. In order to increase your score, use only one strong discussion subject per paragraph instead of 2. The way you have your paragraphs set up, you only managed to present the idea instead of properly setting up the discussion in a coherent and cohesive manner. That means that the paragraphs need to clearly show your topic and fully explain its relevance to the discussion. This is how you manage to increase your vocabulary and grammar score. When you try to present more than one idea in a paragraph, the essay suffers because you are not able to properly represent your English grammar / written skills. In reference to your paragraphs, make sure that you always have at least 3 sentences in there, regardless of whether it is the paraphrasing, body paragraph, or conclusion. With regards to the conclusion that you have written, you should have properly summarized the effects of the development of motorways within the paragraph. One sentence representing that would have been sufficient. As it is, your concluding statement is incomplete and could really use some work so you could improve the presentation.

## advanced technology brings problems With rapid development of technology, the life becomes more convenient and comfortable, while some people think that it can be much better when the technology was not that complicated. Although the modern technology put a quick rhythm in our lives and much pressure, I consider it is still greater to live in the present. For one thing, technology transformed the transportation over the whole world. Without the transportation we use everyday. It's hard to imagine that how people could get to the workplace without delaying. If everything is operated smoothly in companies, the company can reach their expected goals quickly. Moreover, it makes employees have more flexible time to communicate with each other and do leisure activities, which can lighten their pressure in lives. For another, communications between people are getting better with technology. Some people may oppose to this since there are no face-to-face talks between people. In addition, many messages are involved only the emoji and some really simple words, which are typed just by our fingers. However, many communicating applications haves solved the problem such as Lines and Facebook. They give people an opportunity to see the person they want to talk to no matter where they. With these correspondent devices, people can get access to the information globally. The reasons given above are just a few of the many that can illustrate how technology provides people with a better life. It is of great significance that if we control the pace of life by ourselves and use the technology appropriately, we can assure that we live a better life nowadays.

@YuTingJim the approach you have taken to the discussion of this essay is faulty. Note that the prompt specifically asks for the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the statement. Therefore, your opinion should be stated in the something similar to the following manner; *"I disagree with the opinion that life was better when technology was simpler. The extent of my disagreement is based upon several reasons that I will be discussing in the following paragraphs."* There is also a problem with your paraphrasing of the prompt topic for discussion. Your first sentence should have been presented as 2 separate sentences because there are 2 separate thoughts being presented in it. Therefore, each separate thought requires a separate sentence. A comma or the word "and" can only be used in a sentence if it is going to be representing 2 connected or interrelated thoughts. Since you are depicting two types of thought, you need to separate the sentences. You must also learn to properly summarize your discussion by correctly representing another version of the paraphrased statement, a comprehensive listing of your reasons, and a closing sentence. The closing sentence can be something as simple as "In conclusion..." at the start of the paragraph. Please refrain from introducing new information, as you did in this essay, within the conclusion as the concluding statement is never used to present additional information or opinions in the essay. That is academically unacceptable and will lower your final score.

Farhad Mohamed Paul Franckowiak ENG 108 ## Dolma Dolma is a stuffed grape leaf recipe that has been made in the Mediterranean area for centuries. Ancient cooks also knew Turkish dolma and Greek thrion; thrion is pickled fig leaves, which resembles modern day dolma. Grape leaves began to appear around the first century A.D. The dolma recipe consists of the grape leaves that are blanched and then wrapped around a filling that consists of cooked rice and herbs with either minced lamb or beef. It can be served either cold or hot. There are two kinds and if it is meat, it is served hot and with a sauce. The other one is stuffed with rice, which also consists of nuts and raisins, which are often served cold. Dolma is very famous in the Mediterranean area and the Middle Eastern countries. Kurdish and Turkey may have influenced the stuffed grape leaves but the stuffing of vegetables has its roots in Arab cookery. Dolma has a path through history as a favorite and tasteful dish throughout the Mediterranean and Middle East. Dolma is also made with cabbage leaves and chard. They are made with the same ingredients, which are as follows below. Dolma chard & cabbage: 1 1/2 cups uncooked long-grain white rice, such as basmati Fresh or dried parsley 2 tbsp. olive oil 2 onions, minced Two cloves garlic, finely minced 1 1/2 cups uncooked long-grain white rice 3 tbsp. tomato paste 1-teaspoon ground allspice 1-teaspoon ground cumin Green Onions Yogurt Dolma made with grape leaves: One (8-ounce) jar grape leaves, drained and rinsed Mix the beef, lamb, rice, olive oil, salt, mint, parsley, pepper and onions. This is the filling. Next, rinse the grape leaves and separate in a colander. Place 2 to three grapes leaves stem-side up on a workstation; they should overlap each other. Place desired amount of filling in the center and roll, folding in the sides. Repeat with the remaining grape leaves and filling. Arrange tightly together in a stockpot. Once the stockpot is full, cut the lemons in half and put on top. Cover with beef stock and simmer until the rice is soft, 30 to 45 minutes. (Scarato, 2012). Work cite Baper, G. (2013) DOLMAS, Phoenix, Arizona: Phoenix College Student foodnetwork/recipes/dolmas-recipe/index.html Recipe courtesy Rosario Scarato, Anthonino's Tavern Show (2012). Accessed 8 July 2017.

Farhad. you need too develop the evolutionary story of Dolma from the Yaprag stage before you being to discuss the modern evolution and the reasons why it has become a popular food fare in these modern times. The food history is important because it shows the traditional importance of the food and also allows the reader to understand why the preparation styles have evolved over time. Without that historical context, your essay is lacking in terms of informing the reader regarding and enticing them to either try to prepare the food or order it at a Turkish restaurant (if available). Don't end the recipe so abruptly. Since you are still writing a research essay, you must add a concluding statement at the bottom of the recipe. It would be nice if you could conclude the essay with the reasons as to why you chose to use this recipe for this presentation, or something along those lines. The work you did is acceptable, but can be further improved if you consider using my aforementioned suggestions.

**Some students enjoy taking distance-learning courses on the computer or television. Other students would rather take all of their courses with a teacher in a classroom. Which of these options do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples in support of your opinion.** ## taking courses in a real class or remotely? A wise man once said, "Genius without education is like silver in the mine."; to get educated and learn from courses are important for people, especially for students. Some students seem to enjoy taking courses on the computer or television while others tend to be in the classroom with a teacher. As for me, taking courses with a teacher in a classroom is more favorable. First all, if students take courses in the classroom, they can interact with the teacher directly and be more concentrate on the class. Take my personal experience as an example. When I was a high school student, I went to tutorial school after day school. Sometimes I would watch the videotape on television instead of being in the real class, for its limited class availability. After watching the videotape, I noticed my understanding of what the teacher has taught was not as decent as being in the classroom with the teacher, given that I was bored and easily distracted. Physically seeing a teacher in the class, students can be attracted by his/her body languages, such as tones and facial expression. In addition, teacher standing at the front will offer you the opportunity to ask questions, facilitating you deepen the subject. Therefore, only through being in the surrounding can a student learn even more than the textbook. Second, when you are in the real class, you can make lots of friends. As the old saying goes, "A friend in need is a friend indeed."; having friends around will assist people in every aspect, especially for students, on their learning. Whenever the students bump into questions during their practices or assignments, they can discuss with their friends and have the puzzle solved immediately. In other words, being in the classroom will provide the students the chances to make friends and improve their grades. On the contrary, if the students take the distance-learning courses, they probably will stay at home by themselves. Without anyone besides them, they will have plenty of questions hanging in the air, affecting their understanding of further courses. Hence, it is excellent scores that students can achieve if they are in the classroom with the teacher and classmates learning together. Undeniably, there might be few advantages to taking the distance-learning courses. Those who bolster the idea may consider it either saving plenty of time for the transportation to the classroom or having a more flexible schedule. A case in point, if students live in the suburb, they might need to take the train to and from school for at least 1 hour. However, the advantages of learning in the classroom outweigh them. Not only do students achieve high academic performance but obtain their lifetime friends when being in the classroom. Students can, moreover, utilize the time on the way to the classroom, reviewing carefully what teacher taught at the last class. When they arrive there, they can interact with classmates, discussing the content of the textbook. After all, even though people are born alone, we tend to find partners and have companies, just like taking the courses in the real class and have others around us.

Vivian, even though this essay has some minor grammatical flaws and lacks an appropriate concluding paragraph, I can safely tell you that you have the ability to get the highest mark of 5 in this section of the TOEFL test. You have used the "hook" to reel in your reader very effectively in the opening statement and you clearly and accurately paraphrased the prompt requirement, issuing a personal opinion, without actually discussing it in the opening statement. The opening paragraph alone is already worth applauding. A point for correction though. When you are going to be relying on your personal experience in defense of your stance, then take ownership from the very beginning. Try to avoid using too many idioms or proverbs in your next paragraphs because those are most effective only as hooks in your opening statement. In the body of the essay, those just become word fillers to meet the minimum requirement. When you are discussing from a personal point of view, a personal experience is always the best narrative to show. For example, when you mention the need for friends in the classroom, don't be hypothetical about it. Make the paragraph stronger by using a real event that happened to you. When you discuss the drawbacks, one will be enough. There is no need to over discuss the issue. Remember, you only have 30 minutes to draft, review, edit, and finalize your essay. Keep the essay short but informative. Don't forget to conclude the essay with the summary of the discussion at the end. That is the only unrepresented paragraph in your essay that would have possibly pulled your score down to a 4. Overall, your command of the English language is almost at a native speaker level and that will help you pass the TOEFL with flying colors in the end.

Please check my writing and give me score. Thank you! ## mobile phones in the years of 2005 and 2006 The table illustrates the proportion of manufacturers reaching in the global mobile phone market in two different years 2005 and 2006. Overall, in the both of years, Nokia was still the leading company with the highest share. While Motorola and Ericsson recorded a slight increase, the remaining brands reduced over two separate years. Nokia accounted for the highest percentage in the mobile phone market with 32,5% in 2005 and 35% in 2006. Besides, Motorola in 2006 reached the second place in market share with 21,1% after a slight rise over more than 3% over one year. Likewise, Sony Ericsson experienced the lower increase by just over 1,1 % from 2005 to 2006. By the contrast, Samsung, L.G, Ben Q.Mobile and others saw a considerable reduction in the share of mobile market. Ben Q. Mobile continued to be the brand with the lowest market share in both years at 4,9% and 2,3%, respectively. The figure for others showed the highest fall of all brands from 19,2% in 2005 to 16,2% in 2006. Finally, there was a slight reduction in the percentage of Samsung and L.G in this market. *

You can most likely get a 5 for the task accuracy portion and a 6 for the rest of the scoring criteria. That means that with this analytical summary essay, your overall score falls between a 5 and a 6, depending on the smaller considerations that the examiner will take into account while considering your work. Your information presentation is alright. The problem is that your summary paragraph / opening paragraph does not follow the proper requirements for this essay. Your opening statement must never be a thorough discussion of the information provided. It must always and only describe the type of illustration, the point of the illustration, and the information that you will be presenting. The opening statement is, in effect, nothing more than an overview of the body paragraphs. Since this is a 5 paragraph essay, the essay paragraph should be as follows: 1 - Summary paragraph 2-4 body paragraph with discussions of the content of the illustration 5 - Conclusion The final paragraph should accurately sum up your analysis of the given data and what the data analysis trends towards. You have the correct minimum number of paragraphs in the essay so keep doing that. The problem you have has to do with the presentation of the information as previously indicated. Though your grammar structure is not perfect, it is capable of delivering your analysis in an understandable manner and therefore, is not as big of a problem as it could have been. Good job! I hope to see continued improvement on your part.

## my own life in short My name is Annabelle Miranda and I was born on the 14th of October, 1993 in Manila. I am now 23 years old. I come from Balayan, Batangas where I was grew up. I graduated Diploma in Information Technology a two-year course at STI College Balayan and now I'm pursuing my Bachelor degree here in OLOPS CollegeI worked for 2 yrs as a regular employee in Optis Philippines INC. I am not a very sporty person; my lifestyle is very simple. My mother's name is Isabel V. Miranda and she is 50 years old. She is a housekeeper at Balayan Batangas. I'm an only child.

Annabelle, I am not sure what the point of this statement is. As a summary presentation of your background, regardless of the minor grammatical structure errors, the information presentation works. It has complete information about you. Although, mentioning your mother in the essay doesn't make sense because you did not create a direct relationship of your mother's information with your given information. The fact that you are an only child and the work of your mother should be better integrated into the first paragraph. I am not sure why you are writing this paper. Is it for a masters degree application or something? Since I do not know what the purpose of this exercise is, I am unsure as to how to help you improve your presentation in terms of content and format. I wish you had included that information in your posting so I could have given you a more accurate review and applicable advice.

please send me feedback and give me score ## changes in annual spending in a uk school The pie charts compare the percentage of a certain school's expenditure annually in UK in different three years with the 10 years interval starting from 1981. As is observed from the pie charts , the greatest disbursement were spend for teachers salaries, by contrast schools spent lowest amount for insurance totally. According to the charts, 40% of the school's budgets were spent went on for teacher's salaries, this figure rose steadily in 1991 exactly the half of budget( the total expense) accounted for this staff. While in next 10 years , this percentage, decreased to 45%.after a 10 year it dropped by 5%.the proportion of expenditure other workers salaries decrease dramatically steadily over a 20 year period from 28% in 1981 to 15 % in 2001.the expenditure of Expenditure on resources book , furniture and equipment fluctuated during the period in 1981 spending money on these parts were similar, although in in 1991 resources books' cost were more than furniture equipmet,while this figure decrased significantly in 2001. By contrast this figure for furniture increased frome 15% to 23 % in 2001 with a 10 % decrease in1991.

Susan, your work cannot be scored because you did not upload the image that was provided to you for your reference in developing your summary essay. It is a pity that you did not upload the image because I can only give you advice once. Without the image for reference, I am unable to give you a complete review, inclusive of a score. While you did write more than 150 words, you did not properly format the essay. You ended up with only 2 paragraphs instead of the normal 3-5 paragraphs per essay summary. Had you properly divided the content and summary of your second paragraph, you would have at least come up with the required 3 paragraph (minimum) essay. By the way, the summary overview needs to be at least 3 sentences long, as with the your concluding paragraph as well. Your second paragraph should have only had 5 sentence maximum also. You have to learn how to divide your discussions, while also lengthening it to 5 sentences so that you can develop complex word structures and fully developed explanations in your paragraphs. I am not sure if your essay accurately depicts the image you were provided since you did not upload it with this essay. I am sorry but I cannot perform a miracle. I cannot score your essay because of the missing image. Neither can I review your essay again, then score it, even if you upload the image after this posting because contributors are limited to one advice per thread / essay. I will however, score your next practice test if you remember to upload the image for my reference.

## alcohol use in the usa The bar chart above presents the information about people's drinking behavior by age group in the US. Accordingly, the highest proportion of those who never drink falls into 16-24 years group. However, this number tended to decrease with age. Only 45% of people who turned to age 74 had never drunk. On the other hand, the percentage of those who had quitted drinking tended to increase with age. Only 5% of the youngest age group were ex-drinker, compared with 40% of the oldest age group. People in the age of 25 to 34 had the most number of light drinkers, accounting for 30% of the total. The middle age group (45-54) was supposed to be the heaviest drinkers, amounting to 14%. A relatively small proportion of those in the youngest age group and even smaller number in the oldest age group (roughly 3%) drink heavily. *

Hoang, you are not properly summarizing the information referred to you for reference in the graph. Aside from identifying the type of graph in the illustration, you need to complete your summary outline by referring to the specific overview information that was provided. A sample summary overview for this essay is as follows: *The bar chart illustrates the drinking habits by age of US drinkers. The percentage and age of drinkers are indicated in the chart. Additionally, the type of drinkers has also been noted for reference. The following paragraphs will break down the chart information for comparison purposes.* Note that my sample follows the mandatory minimum of 3 sentences which indicates a full paragraph. You should have combined your second and third paragraph information in order to meet the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph since the information you presented is related. Overall though, you did a pretty good job of offering the most obvious information in the bar chart. There is no right or wrong way of analyzing the chart. What is important is that you can clearly explain the contents of the chart to the reader and I believe that you did exactly that, with a few mistakes as noted above.

**Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.** ## Losing creativity phenomenon Improvement of children has been an appealing topic nowadays. Many people harbor the view that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Personally, I disapprove of this statement. First of all, what I put in my priority is study efficiency. It is common knowledge that in the information age, the young stand a golden chance to be more interactive with a large mount application facsimile their lessons and simulation experiments. They no longer simply rely on teacher for knowledge and learn by role. In contrary, technology is certain to encourage students to think critically and independently, so it is possible for children to think outside the box when withstanding dilemma. Accordingly, children who have early access to technology are shown to develop their imagination and creativity stronger than those who do not. More importantly, due to proliferation of the Internet with the click of a mouse children are able to not only obtain information in various ways but also keep pace with the past-paced development of modern science. An enormous benefit of technological learning is that it takes advantage of the brain's ability to make connections between verbal and visual representations of content, then lead to a deeper understanding, which in turn supports the transfer of learning to other situations. So, young people regard to technology as a useful tool to sharpen their creativity. By and large, technology turns out to be a great source of support for children to be creative. In the second place, skills development is what cannot be left when considering the essence. It is apparent that technological advanced creates chance for children to co-operate with many people. Considering that these people possess many different aspects such as nationality, culture or skin-color. Children should find difficulty in coping with them. As spending more time chatting with one another, they gradually get a hold of hand initiate dialogues, share information and so on, in harmony. This, consequently, grants them the opportunity to augment their communication skill. More interestingly, children who utilize technology are expected to encounter with heaps of troubles, for example how to harness hi-tech features. To ensure their accomplishments leaves them no choice but to self-analyze and consider carefully. As a result, they are bound to come up with better action, corresponding their problems. The more cases urge them to deliberate, the better decision-making are made progress. Indeed, by complementarian to cultivate skills advanced technology is likely to polish their creative abilities. On the other hand, some people might say that because technological advanced solves all problems nowadays, children do not have to contemplate anymore. Therefore, technology is thought to badly affect future career of children. This view, however, is not necessarily true. In fact, not all of trouble can be tackled by technology since different circumstance requires different technique may lead different results. Furthermore, it should be considered as an assistance for children to assess most state-of-the-art conclusion. As a result, children are encouraged on being more creative to address problem. Without any doubt, technology makes great contribution to facilitate the creative ability of children, it leads the first foundation for their future career. In summary, study efficiency, skill development and future enhancement are convincing for my disapproval. It is highly recommended that parents as well educators should carefully consider my writing to make appropriate guideline on improvement of children.

Do, when you write your next practice essay, use a timer. Complete the essay within a 30 minute time frame. This essay was obviously written without you using a timer which caused you to write paragraphs out of format. The normal format for an essay is 3-5 sentences per paragraph. What you wrote is excessively long and believe me, you will not have the liberty to develop this length of an essay when you take the actual test. Your tendency will be to go blank and you will barely be able to write 3 sentences per paragraph at that point. So practice writing under time constraint. You will be better equipped during the actual test. I guarantee it. Now, the next time that you place an essay for review, please include the original prompt requirement so that I will know what parameters you are writing the essay by and if you were able to successfully accomplish the task per the instructions you were provided. Like I said, this essay is very well written, but runs counter to the expected format and paragraph developments for essay writing. I will not score you at this point because this is your first practice essay. This essay would not get a passing score in the actual test because of the improper presentation, grammar problems, and possibly, problematic paraphrasing and concluding paragraphs. Regardless of the problems though, I want you to concentrate on writing within the allotted time frame. As you become more relaxed and used to the timer set-up, your written essay, in its overall consideration should also begin to improve.

Please help me to correct this essay. Did I follow the topic? ## One specific change Vietnam I live in a small country in Southeast Asia, Vietnam. Where the quality of education is not good as well. So the quality of education in my country is the thing that I would like to see changed. I live in Vietnam - a country in Southeast Asia - where the quality of education is not as good as other countries. This issue comes from many causes, but the most affect cause is the education policy of Ministry of Education and Training is not appropriate in the current socio-economic context. For example, my country's education policy has many limitations: the unrealistic lessons and curriculums; significant discrepancies between theoretical hours and practical hours; the lack of facilities for teaching and learning; the "quantity" not "quality" trainings. As a result, labour market has surplus human resources with low skills and lack of high quality human resources. Many graduates fail to find a job each year while recruiters can not recruit the human resources. The cause of this situation is due to the education policy is unreasonable, has not kept up with social trends. Resolving this issue I would like to see education policy in my country changed in the near future. Education plays an important role which motivates the country's economy to develop. Looking back on the development path of education, in the past decades, Vietnam's education has significantly contributed to raising people's intellectual standards, has gained a lot of achievements. But it seems like we rested on our laurels too long. Actually in many seminars, almost every problem has been analyzed, pointed out the right wrong but the strange thing is that it was not a change that made. The limitations have made us backward compared to others countries in the region. Singapore - a country in Southeast Asia, has been honored as one of the best country for studying in the world, Vietnam is still a place where nobody thinks of. Futhermore, the future of a country depends on the youth. But now the young human resources haven't been tapped into their maximum potential. Change the education policy before it's too late. I know there are teachers and students are doing well but not much. It's not easy, of course, to change such a big issue but if we don't do we can not change anything at all.

Pha, complete this essay in two paragraphs. The first paragraph introduces the problem that you want to see resolved / changed / improved in your country. Be specific about the problems in education that you feel most affect the quality of teaching in Vietnam. Then, in the second paragraph, explain why you feel that changes need to be implemented. Write this as a cause and effect essay in order to make it more informative and relevant to the discussion. It is easy to complete this within 300 words, composed of 2 paragraphs. You need to make sure that you divide the essay into the discussion sections so that it will be easier for the reviewer to consider your essay information. Try to pick only big problem related to education that you want to resolve so that you can present the problem in 150 words. Then use the remaining 150 to justify the need for the improvement in that sector. It is that simple and easy to revise your essay response. You have too much going on in the current essay for it to become memorable to the reviewer. So keep it simple in content and presentation. That will give you a better chance of impressing the reviewer.

## home ownership and renting in the UK The pie charts compare home ownership and renting for 1991 and 2007 in percentage term. As shown on the chart above, in 1991, the percentage of the homeowner was accounting for 60%, which was the most popular type of housing. Accordingly, the next largest sector was social renting, amounting to 23% or nearly one-third of all homes. The remaining homes were privately rented home and social housing, in which social housing took a tiny fraction (6%). Sixteen years later, in 2007, the number had dramatically changed. The homeowner had an increase of 10% compared with the figure in 1991, accounting for 70% of all homes. Conversely, the number of social rented homes had dropped from 23% to 17%, which can explain the increase in home ownership. The percentage of privately rented homes had remained unchanged at 11%. Therefore, it made up for the third popular type of housing. Social housing had decreased three-fold from 6% in 1991 to 2% in 2007, and it remained the least popular type of housing.

Hoang, the next time you have your IELTS Task 1 essay reviewed, please do not forget to upload the image file as well. The image will help me to assess the quality of your analysis and any overlooked parts of the graph you were given. At the moment, I will be unable to tell you if you did a good job or not with your analysis because I can only base the analysis on the information that you have given. Therefore, I will not analyze your content and accuracy but rather, your formatting. The formatting that you have is not very good. The summary analysis is only a single sentence when you should have at least 3 sentences that should outline the discussion for the upcoming paragraphs. you have a second paragraph that is acceptable in terms of analysis, although, you should practice presenting the complete information in sentences instead of using parenthesis for emphasis. The parenthesis does not indicate any analysis of the given data and should be avoided whenever possible. Your third paragraph is one sentence short of the 3 sentence minimum requirement. Your final paragraph is in an acceptable format although, as I mentioned previously, I cannot assess if you have completely and accurately represented the information given to you because of the lack of illustration. Don't bother uploading the image now since I can only give you one review per essay. It will be useless because as a contributor, I am no longer going to be able to re-assess your work based on the image.

**We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?** ## Prioritize most important issues Nowadays, many people have problems with discrimination, poverty and health care... so receiving help from others is very precious to them. From my point of view, I disagree with the idea that we should not help people in other countries since those problems still exist in our own society. Although only one person cannot manage to deal with every problems of other people from the rest of the world, co-operation of many individuals can create enough strength to tackle global issues,and that helps promote not only particular country but also the entire society. There is many counterexample against the notion that one cannot break national boundaries to help neighbours and fellow citizens. Take Nelson Mandela as an example, he is though to be a failure before succeeding in abolishing the racial prejudice and fighting for justice with the help of the color community and soon became a symbol of peace to South African people and also residents who live beyond his national border. As a consequence of globalization , considering the purpose of a nation to be a priority can only separate itself from others. Instead of that, our dedication and contribution should reach the common goals at an international level in an attempt to achieve sustainable development. For instance, poverty tends to appear more in developing countries so it is a responsibility for governments from developed nations to come up with a measure that helps the poor raise their living standard regardless of nationality. Besides, most of the social issues do not belong to any specific country so it is our duty to help each other for the sake of a better world. In conclusion, I believe even if we are not able to help everyone in the world who are in need, it is selfish of us to only care for people nearby where we are living.

Albert, unless the prompt indicates specific problems and issues to be addressed in the essay, it would be best for you to keep to the original presentation of the prompt in your paraphrasing. This will show that you understand the discussion and will allow you to increase the task accuracy scoring of your essay. In this case, by focusing on specific topics for discussion in your paraphrasing, you totally changed the slant of your discussion. Not to mention, you said "I totally disagree", which is a different essay discussion approach from "I disagree to a certain extent due to several reasons I will be presenting", which is more aligned with the prompt instruction / question of "To what extent..." Do you see how the two discussion approaches change simply because you changed a few words in your paraphrasing? You ended up changing the whole essay discussion and instruction. Even your line of reasoning was affected in the second paragraph by this mistake. Nelson Mandela focused his whole life on beating apartheid in South Africa. He was an inspiration to the world alright but, until later on in his life, he was solely focused on the problems of South Africa alone and did not really meddle in world politics as your paragraph seems to imply. Indeed, he served as an inspiration to others in other countries, but his focus was on securing the freedom of the native South Africans in their home country. This mistake in your discussion would not have occurred if you had properly paraphrased the original prompt and its discussion requirements. In your next practice test, do your best to stick to the original instructions and make sure you understand the method of discussion before you start drafting your essay. If necessary, have others explain the instructions to you. That way you avoid making mistakes in your response writing.

*Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?* ## different interaction between people More and more people have changed their ways of interaction with others due to the development of technology. When it comes to iPhone or iPad, the technology in it affects the way we express our thoughts and this essay will see it a positive development because it creates certain intimacy among people we care. IPhones or other high-tech smart devices allow us to instantly bring our loved ones in front of us lively, by using Hangout or Snapchat. When the time we didn't have these gadgets, writing a letter that takes days to reach far-away, walking across a mountain to meet friends, or padding a canoe to the other side of the lake to reach your parents, etc., were once common scenarios and were the only few ways to convey what people wanted to say to the others which easily cause an estranged relationship. However, with advanced technology in smart phones, we can easily keep a close contact with people we love. For example, when my father was transferred to India to work, he called back via Facetime every night to say good night to us, which allow children to keep familiar with him. This has become a positive development in regard to more people are able to contact with the ones they care easily. We used to suffer from the long distance relationships that refrain us from caring the others, since mailing a letter by post is time consuming. However, the advent of smart phones breaks the obstacles from distance and provides us with a chance to keep loved ones closer by saying hi everyday via Facetime. For example, Skype and Facetime are the two most popular apps that used by 86% of American students who study overseas to connect with their parents and friends according to the questionnaires done by the National Telecom Company in the US. In conclusion, smart phone technology has changed the long distance relationship from hardly keeping close to remain familiar, and with less people suffering from this the essay consider it as a positive development.

Chen, you want to know the biggest problem that I see with this essay? You focused on a specific technology for discussion instead of keeping the general discussion that the prompt requirement instructed you to develop. There was no technology indicated by name and yet you felt the need to indicate specific, named, technology in your essay. You would have scored better if you simply focused on the general technology descriptions as previously indicated. Saying "email, texting, video calls, social media" were all more acceptable forms of referring to technology other than being specific to Snapchat, IPhone, etc. This shows that you understood the instructions but had no idea how to properly discuss it. This brings me to the problem in your opening statement. Rather than using a continuous discussion by using the word "and", you should have instead used a full stop and indicated that this would be a positive discussion as a separate sentence. After all, each part of the original prompt should have been represented as a separate sentence in the paraphrasing. The opening paragraph should have reversed the original presentation from that of questions, to sentences of facts. Also, the term is "paddling" which means "the act of propelling a small boat forward by using a paddle." Padding describes soft material such as foam or cloth used to pad or stuff something". You meant to say "paddling" right? Overall, the score for this essay would most likely be a 4.

*Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give your opinions.* ## COOPERATION VS COMPETITION While some are in favor of nourishing a competitive schooling environment, others hold the belief that children are more likely to be valuable team players when collaboration is cultivated. In my opinion, these skills are equally important and children will vastly benefit from sustaining a proper environment where both cooperation and competition are deliberately nurtured. On the one hand, being competitive could bring about a number of advantages. Firstly, it helps bring out the best in children. In spite of criticisms regarding its rather catastrophic consequences on children physical and mental development, competition is an indispensable trait for those who thirst for triumphs in both sport and scientific fields. For example, if inventors had been content to sustain the status quote, steam locomotives would have been the only mean of long-distant transportation. Secondly, children are prone to develop critical social skills through competing with other students. Regardless of the result which is either win or loss, they will be able to learn the value of hard-work, strengthen their self-esteem and tenacity. More importantly, they would acknowledge that life is a series of ups and downs, and failure will not be the end of the world. On the other hand, no one could deny the magnitude of cooperation. In addition to providing cooperative skills that are necessary later in their working lives, students also recognize that everybody has their own limitations. In other words, each of them is excellent in something but is dreadful at another thing and there is no mean to achieve success rather than working closely together. Moreover, collaborating helps ease pressure on kids, which is a major drawback caused by intense competition. A child who is lagged behind in math would benefit from the aid of their classmates in exchange for a free art lesson that he or she excels in. Consequently, students become more tolerant and proud of their aptitudes. In conclusion, cooperation and competition are imperative and children would be best benefited from mastering both of them to the extent that a proper setting is promoted. (341 words) ======= Please give me some pieces of advice and the band score I could reach

Kenzin, this essay had the potential to become a 7 band piece of work. Due to some specific mistakes on your part, in terms of the presentation of your discussion, that potentially high score went down to a 5. Let me explain why this happened. For starters, you are only to paraphrase, that is, state in your own words and understanding, what the original prompt topic and discussion requirements were. Under the development rules for the paraphrased statement, you are not allowed to present a full discussion of your opinion in this section. Mostly because the paraphrasing should be completed in 5 sentences, maximum, which does not allow you to properly develop the personal opinion in the essay. That is to be presented as an accurate and fully developed / discussed paragraph within the body of the essay. It should be located within one of the 3 body paragraphs. Not the opening statement. It is this mistake that totally brought down your score. Additionally, it would be in your best interest to not use idioms such as "status quo" if you are not sure about how it is spelled or used in a sentence. If you don't use the word properly then the "big" words and terms will pull down your score due to inaccurate use in a grammar setting. That is what happened in this essay. I hope you can avoid these mistakes in the future.

**ESSAY PROMPT:** **As the result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problems?** Owing to the rise in number of travelers and tourists all over the world, more airplanes are providing service to meet the demand. This brings environmental problems like air pollution as well as over-exploitation of natural resources. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the negative consequences. Firstly, the air quality will seriously be affected due to the pollutants emitted when the airplanes are flying. For instance, carbon dioxide will be released when the fuel oil is burnt to produce energy, which the amount given out is much higher than other transportations. Secondly, more natural resources will be extracted, which, when too much are taken away to provide crude oil for fuels, will result in resources becoming unsustainable. Obviously, this brings disadvantages to the environment. There are two effective key to the problem brought by the increase in number of flights. One way to tackle this is to tax short-distance travelers heavier as the gas emission charge. By doing this, the number of people travelling around by flight can be reduced, and people may be encouraged to choose other alternatives with lower emissions. Another method of dealing with the rise in number of flights is to ensure most planes are fully seated, since this can boost the energy efficacy - to provide service to most number of passengers using the same amount of energy. This solution would hopefully maximize the efficiency of an airplane. In conclusion, adjusting the taxation to a higher level and ensuring a well seating arrangement are effective in coping with this issue. If government implemented these measures, the environmental problems resulted would soon be solved.

Jason, avoid beginning your discussion of the given topic in the opening statement. That is because the opening statement is being used to judge the task accuracy aspect of your English skills. That is why you are only required to properly paraphrase the prompt and outline your upcoming discussion this paragraph. The main purpose of the opening statement is to prove to the examiner that you have a complete understanding of the given topic and the discussion method that is being required of you. The line of reasoning that you gave in your body paragraphs are excellent. You have managed to properly represent the discussion of the problems and possible solutions related to the increased number of flights. Your conclusion should have given a more definite repetition, in paraphrased form of the topic for discussion. By doing that, the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences would have been met. Other than these problems, your ability to properly discuss a given topic is clear in this exercise.

**Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (about 300 words)** ## native and world history education It is argued that national history plays a more vital role than other countries' history and therefore students should focus on their native history. As far as I am concerned, while local history lessons are crucial to children's development, world history could also benefit them a lot. There are many reasons why children are made to learn their national history. Firstly, teenagers can understand their indigenous history carefully such as significant historical events and famous heroes who protected their countries, which helps them adjust their behavior to fit the society they live in. For example, by learning native history, schoolchildren will respect their ancestors as well as express their gratitude toward their parents and grandparents. Another reason why national history is mandatory in schools is young generations can draw lessons from the process of protecting and constructing their countries of their ancestors. Using this knowledge, youngsters can deter their nations from making similar mistakes in the past and also make their countries prosper by experience collected from the past. On the other hand, young people can also gain many benefits from learning world history. It is an inevitable fact that by studying history, learners can acquire more knowledge about other nations in various aspects. Due to the close relation between history and indigenous cultures, teenagers can have a deeper insight into customs and traditions of other areas. As a result, a deep understanding of historical situations and cultures can prevent students from offending local values when travelling to other nations. Furthermore, studying world history can provide young people with experience to develop their countries. For example, the underdeveloped nations can imitate other prosperous countries such as following their educational curriculum or strategies to make their own nations flourish in an effective way. In conclusion, I believe that native history and world history should be taught all over the world because they are of the same importance.

Linh, why are you discussing a compare and contrast essay when you are being asked to represent your personal opinion on a specific matter? The prompt clearly states that you have to discuss your degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. This is not something that you were able to accomplish in the paraphrasing / opening statement. Neither did you successfully argue one side of the discussion , as required, within the body of paragraphs. Therefore, it is obvious that your lack of understanding of the prompt requirement has prevented you from properly addressing the prompt requirements. This essay cannot score higher than a 3. That score is based upon your failure to properly address the task that you were given for the essay. I am sad to give you that score but that is the reality of your work. Instead of a compare or contrast, you should have picked one side to defend in the essay by closing your opening paraphrase with ; *"While I believe that the learning of world and national history are of equal importance, more attention must be paid to the learning of national history to a larger extent based upon several reasons."* Based upon the mistakes you made in the overall discussion of the essay, your concluding statement also became flawed and improper. You even added new information in your concluding statement, which further showed that you are incapable of properly closing an essay. The proper close of this sort of essay should merely summarize the given topic, the discussion provided, and a repeat of your opinion, if required. Then the essay can close is complete. Saying "In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that..." would have been sufficient to have your concluding statement follow the necessary parameters of a properly developed essay discussion.

## the capacity of universities is limited It is true that the number of universities are increasing to meet the high rate of youngsters after leaving school. While I agree that it is impossible, I consider that it is useful for the student. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why establishing too many universities is not possible. Firstly, the government will have to spend more on building universities. Furthermore, The cost of running and maintaining these schools to educate the students would be very high and the government does not receive benefit from this. Second, admission would be less competitive, as such, the standard of university would be lowered. For instance, various universities have opened in Vietnam recently with low entrance grade, which leads to many unemployed graduates. On the other hand, providing university education for (missing word) high proportion of young people is beneficial in some way. The first is studying at university helps youngsters to pursue higher education. Therefore, they will have more chances to get higher paying jobs than people who do not study at university. In addition, students have plenty of opportunities to enlarge their knowledge and nurture their essential skills in the areas they want. As a result, there will be an increase in the number of skilled workers. In conclusion, while it is clear to see that the countries can not provide access to university for high proportion of youngsters, I believe that establishing many universities in a suitable way is useful for youngsters.

Dang, in all instances, please remember to post the original prompt requirement along with your response essay. That will help me to better asses your written work and its compliance with the scoring rubic for your test. As of now, the general review for your essay will be given, without taking compliance and relevance to the original discussion topic into consideration. Now, your discussion is well developed and presented. However, you failed to properly expand upon your personal opinion, a requirement of the essay when you represent a personal opinion in the opening statement. It is understood that you outlined the discussion in the opening / paraphrased statement and therefore, will be presenting expanded discussions in the body paragraphs. That is precisely the reason why you are not allowed to present even a partial discussion of your personal opinion in the opening paragraph. That is something best represented in the a stand alone paragraph. Now, bear in mind that all the paragraphs need to have a minimum of 3 sentences in order to be considered a well developed / discussed paragraph. Your paraphrased and concluding statement do not follow this criteria and as such, will result in a marked down score for your essay.

**Some people believe that a country will be able to be economically success and also have a clean environment. Some people disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.** ## clean environment during fast development? It is considered by some that a country can attain success in both economic development and environmental protection at the same time while there are others who believe that it is impossible to have the win-win situation. In my opinion, I believe while a country perform well economically, the environment must be harmed to a certain extent, so a country can only try to maintain a balance between the two areas. On the one hand, many think a country can enjoy clean environment even when it is developing rapidly in the business sectors, as it is believed that investment in environment protection can be made to ensure the natural habitats be protected. In other words, designing well urban planning by the government would be an effective way to maintain a nice and clean environment, in addition not hindering the development of a country. On the other hand, constructing more buildings and inventing more new technology are two fabric of an economically strong country, which these two actions will surely disturb the environment and emit many pollutants, consequently result in poor environment, namely poor air quality and terrifying water pollution. For example, the removal of trees to build roads as well as the burning of fossil fuels for electricity generation for the smooth climb up in economic areas of a country, will lead to a less clean environment. Finally, in my opinion, the environment will be harmed undoubtedly under the economic success of a country, but still the level of harmfulness of development can be minimised by carrying out different protection methods. For instance, introducing pollutants emission levy or taking actions in replantation of trees can reduce the disturbance to the natural environment, maintaining a balance between development and environment protection. In conclusion, destroying the environment cannot be avoided if a country wish to be economically success admittedly. However, protecting the environment by introducing various means can still be an achievable way to return the country a relative less unclean environment.

Jenny, you have written a very well discussed essay. The two opinions public opinions based upon the prompt requirement are some of the best that I have read in all my time as a contributor at this forum. You did very well in representing your personal opinion as well. Creating a stand alone paragraph for your personal opinion shows an advanced writing level on your part as you knew that the personal opinion needs to be presented as a separate but integrated part of the essay. The only problem that I have with your work is that you are not familiar with the sentence structure development rules yet. You tend to create run on sentences instead of using full stops which would have helped you to create simple to complex sentences that would have helped to boost your final score. This would also help you meet the proper paragraph sentence requirement of between 3-5 sentences. If you use full stops, you could create a properly developed paragraph. At the moment, your paragraphs are too long per sentence. Learn to divide the sentences and your paragraphs as part of your grammar accuracy exercises in your next essay. This is the main problem that I can see with your writing. It isn't anything major that can't be corrected over time. Try to accomplish these changes in your next practice test.

[R][i]Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life.Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views. A career is an important element in a person's life as it can decide whether one is successful or happy. Some consider that when people work, they do not only care about income but also create a good relationship with their colleagues. Others argue that it is better to widen your circle of friends with someone else besides people whom they do not work with. In my opinion, befriending with people outside the workplace is necessary but it is also important to keep a friendly environment in there. Making friends with colleagues is useful as it can help the working experience be a lot healthy and enjoyable. Firstly, the office is where people spend half of their day. Therefore, it would be very depressing and stressful when they do not talk or communicate with anyone in the working hour. Furthermore, only the people that they work with can understand profoundly what they have to go through so that together they can comfortably share or help one another. Networking in the workplace also help people climb higher in their career ladder, bring them many promotion opportunities. On the other hand, friends outside the workplace can put people out of their thoughts on work and help create a variety of relationships from different careers. People do not live all their life working after all. If their job becomes overwhelmed, it is only relaxing when they hang out and talk about other topics besides work with their friends. Also, making friends with different people with different jobs is indeed helpful. For instance, a person who is an engineer when sick can seek instant help from his acquaintance who is a doctor. In conclusion, friends who are either colleagues or not are great because they can be helpful in many situations related to work or personal life.

Hang, when you write the opening statement, you are instructed to only restate the topic for discussion and the discussion type within the paragraph. You are not allowed to present nor discuss your personal opinion in the essay. Therefore, your opening statement should have merely indicated that you would be discussing your personal opinion of the issue later on in the essay. That said, I did not see an accurately developed personal opinion in the essay. Are you sure you were being asked to present a personal opinion by the original prompt? I did not see such an instruction in the directions that you posted. If you write a personal opinion when it is not required, your essay will be scored down due to a lack of understanding of the essay instructions. So double check and make sure that you responded accurately based upon your copy of the instructions. Avoid any score mark downs as best as possible because you need to increase, not decrease your scores. Your discussions in the body paragraphs are solid and informative. It creates the opinion that you are familiar with the topic for discussion and that you are speaking from personal knowledge and perhaps, experience. The only problem I have is that you did not offer an expanded personal opinion discussion in the latter part of the essay. So I think there might be a misunderstanding regarding the prompt discussion instructions. Other than that, you did some pretty good work in discussing the provided topic.

The graph below shows information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. \*\* ## Employed people in 6 countries - statistics The graph displays the rates of employment in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and USA in 1995 and 2005. The data is divided into male and female. In all six countries, male employment rates overcome those of female. One of the widest gaps was seen in Australia. Male rate went to almost 60 percent while female was less than 30 percent in 1995. The gap was still as wide in 2005, with the male reaching to almost 70 percent and the female to almost 40 percent. Iceland and New Zealand also showed considerable gap between female and male employment rates. On the other hand, the differences between the sexes in Switzerland, UK, and USA were not as notable. Overall, all countries experienced growth in employment rates, both for male and female. The amount of growth was similar for each countries. which was in the range of 10 to almost 20 percent. The highest in 1995 went to the male group in Iceland at 70 percent. Iceland continued to hold the record for the highest employment rate in 2005 with its male residents at over 80 percent. *

Katya, in your opening statement, always make sure that you present a proper overview of the information that you will be presenting in the essay. In your summary, you failed to indicate the included years of coverage that your summary analysis will be providing. Since the opening statement is expected to properly outline the discussion and over a glimpse into the required information for discussion, your summary will lose points for being an incomplete paraphrase of the graph provided. Your body paragraphs will also be scored down for not properly indicating digits related to the data for the countries of Iceland, New Zealand, and other countries other than Australia. This is a very lazily written analytical summary that does not bode well for you as a future researcher or masters degree student. Bear in mind that this essay test must prove that you have the analytical skills and ability to research and understand masters degree level information for use in your master thesis or dissertations. You should be able to show how you would properly utilize any given information. You failed to do that in this essay and that, is a very sorry thing. This lack of analytical ability or simply, a disregard for a thorough study of the information presented in the illustration shall result in your failure to pass this test or get an extremely low, barely passing score.

## gender role in a society Recent years have witnessed significant modification in gender role in society. As a result, family structure and member's contribution are modifying day by day. Various adjustments can happen depending on family's context but I firmly believe these modifications are advantageous. Family structure and the importance of each member are altering enormously. Nowadays, in a typical nuclear family, there are only parents and kids, not grandparents as there used to be. Young couples usually prefer staying independently with their parents. In 2010, a survey conducted in the southeast of Vietnam demonstrated that 70% of the young couples asked confirmed that and 85% of the unmarried young said they would definitely do so when they got married. In addition, husband and wife's role are being modified in order to suit the social context. Recent years have witnessed a large number of women pursuing their career. As a result, housework is assisted by men. These adjustments are creating many positive effects. As married couples live separately from their parents, they can avoid such conflicts caused by the generation gap. This is because young generation has their own living style, which can be incompatible with their parents in some aspects. For example, modern methods in taking care of pregnant women are very different from traditional ones, leading to arguments between the young and the old. Moreover, balance in the gender role in the family gives women more chances to perform their aptitude in society. Besides, when the husband does the housework, he will be more empathetic with his wife. In particular, he understands how hard it is to do much housework after a tiring long work day. In conclusion, the alteration in the way family is constructed and its member's role are creating many positive effects for individuals.

Ngan, kindly remember to post the original prompt for the essay in the future so that your essay can be better assessed for discussion instruction compliance and additional considerations. At the moment, your essay can only reviewed on a general basis and cannot be given any scoring considerations so you will not know if this essay would have passed the test or not. I have a problem with the way that you wrote the paraphrased opening paragraph. In the title, you used the terms "positive or negative" but in the actual essay, you use the term "advantageous". Please make sure to paraphrase the original prompt accurately because there is a difference between the terms that you used in the title and the terms that you used in the paraphrasing. One mistake in vocabulary or word usage and you will completely alter the topic for discussion in the essay. Once you alter the discussion topic, you will automatically fail the essay. While you did a good job in terms of justifying your line of reasoning, your concluding statement falls short of being an acceptable paragraph. Bear in mind that an acceptable conclusion will still need to follow the required minimum of 3 sentences to be considered a complete paragraph. This is a problem that is shared by your opening statement as well. The 2 bodies that you wrote fall directly within the 5 sentence maximum consideration so the improvements you have to make are all in the paraphrasing section of the essay presentation.

Hello everyone, can someone please help me mastered IELTS Writing Task 1 by commenting on my essay below? I really appreciate your help. Thank you very much! :) ## Popularity of a theme park **(1st Paragraph)** The graph illustrates the number of visitors (in thousands) visited the Tabard Towers Theme Park throughout the whole year which is counted per months. Overall, this park has an interesting variation which includes an erratic fluctuation in the middle year and gradual pattern in several first and last months. **(2nd Paragraph)** The Tabard Towers Theme Park has a gradual increase of visitors since the beginning of the year until May from 30000 to 70000 visitors. Later, the visitors number went up and down wildly with an upward trend towards the end of the year. In June, it has more than 50% sharp drop to 20000 visitors before shooting up to hit 120000 mark in the next month, almost doubled the visitors two months ago. The park's visitor fell back to slightly under 80000 in August and bounce back to almost 140000 visitors in September. After that, it plummeted down periodically to 80000 visitors in December where it reaches over 250% visitors since January. *(161 words)* * *This is the graph that i need to describe.*

Afifah, first of all, your essay has to be at least 3-5 paragraphs in length. For these Task 1 essays, a normal presentation is usually 4 paragraphs in length. That includes the summary conclusion of the essay. This is done by properly dividing the discussion topics of your paragraphs. The first paragraph is always the summary overview of the illustration you were provided. Just include the salient points for discussion but do not give any actual information away. The next 2-3 paragraphs should offer the comparison points, analysis of the information provided, and any other observations that you might have about the image. Remember, this is an academic / professional report so you have to make sure that you are not skipping or accidentally misrepresenting any information in your summary. Always write a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph in order to be considered as having fully developed the information. Your first paragraph is short by one, but you did a good job of presenting the information just the same. You just needed to present it individual sentences instead of compressed into two lines. If you can write 5 sentences, all the better. You could have created a third paragraph if you had opted to divide the information presentation into quarter months of visitors instead of going monthly. That way you would have had enough information material to accurately discuss a more comprehensive and comparable data presentation on your part.

**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree?** ## more support for roads or railways? Some people believe that governments should invest more money in railways rather than road systems. Personally, I disagree with this point of view because I consider both traffic systems equally important to our societies. On the one hand, I agree with the idea that states need to build well-functioned railways. Such public traffic system can help to cope with traffic problems, such as traffic congestion and car accidents. In Taiwan, for instance, our local governments have planned to spend lots of fiscal budget building railways. This policy certainly solve the problem of traffic jam, which had bothered local residents seriously. Another benefit of railway is that it is more eco-friendly. Trains powered by electricity do not generate harmful emissions and excessive carbon dioxide.as a result, railways can also help to protect our environment. Nevertheless, there are still some difficulties which can not be dealt with by trains. Firstly, railways must be built in areas with huge population, or they would not be financially efficient. Secondly, some regions, such as mountainous countrysides, are not appropriate to develop such public transport but more suitable to rely on roads. For instance, construction companies could find it hard to build railways on the hills. Finally, railway stations are located in fixed places but each individual person might have his or her destination. Even we take trains reaching the station nearby our destination, we still need to travel to there by cars or vehicles depending on roads. In conclusion, railways are so essential that governments should develop them, but I believe that we would have a more convenient society with well-developed roads.

Kevin, let's get one thing straight here. When you are given an opinion essay to write, specially one that specifically asks for the extent of your agreement or disagreement with a topic, such as in this case, you must signify that in the opening statement. You must choose only one point of view to discuss because of the descriptive instruction "OR" in the original prompt. The inclusion of the word "OR" means that you will discuss only the side that you support, not both sides. The way that you discussed this essay clearly shows that you do not understand the instructions provided and will cause an automatic failure of this essay in the actual test process. Your essay response does not accurately represent the requirements you were provided with and therefore, cannot be considered for grading past the first portion of the scoring criteria. You cannot be graded on the remaining sections when you have already failed to properly understand the English instructions for the discussion essay. There is no use in scoring the remaining parts since it is obvious that you do not understand the discussion topic and instructions you were provided. The correct approach to this essay would have been: There are some people who support the idea that the government should spend more money on the development of railway systems. Others believe that the government money would be better spent on developing road ways. In my opinion, I agree that the government should spend more money on developing the roads to a certain extent. Use 2 paragraphs to defend your stance then conclude the essay by saying; "In conclusion, I would like to reiterate there is a requirement for the building of more roads as opposed to railways. This is supported by the fact that... In the end..."

*The teaching situation of teacher and students in a classroom will no longer be exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?* ## a threat for classroom existence? It is considered by some that the teaching and learning environment of teachers and pupils in a room in reality will disappear before 2050. In my opinion, I do not agree that there will no longer be any learning interactions between the two group of people in the real world, but the virtual classroom may somehow replace the functions of a physical classroom. Firstly, technology becoming more advanced may be the main reason leading to the disappearance of teachers teaching in a classroom. The invention of different communication applications favours the exchange of ideas online, through the Internet in any place at any time, which lowers the importance and uniqueness of a real classroom. In other words, applications like Skype, Facetime or even other teaching and learning websites can link up teachers and students conveniently, allowing them to meet and interact at their homes or offices, without needing them to gather together at the same place. However, the importance of the existence of classrooms cannot be ignored, as they provide a platform for people to socialise and learn to get along with others, which this cannot be fulfilled and replaced by online learning sites or lesson videos. Teachers are not only teaching what are told in textbooks, but also the manners and communication skills which are essential to students. To illustrate, students are learning to respect teachers and classmates when having regular face-to-face lessons in the classroom. Such vital skills required as an individual living in the society ensure the stable and unreplaceable position of real classroom. In conclusion, classrooms will still exist for a long time in the next few centuries as places for teachers to teach and students to learn, since new popular learning methods, in particular the commonly used of the Internet, can only take up part of the functions of classrooms.

Karen, it would be best if you followed the proper manner of stating an agreement or disagreement with the given statement in a clear manner. In this instance, the best way to have presented your disagreement with the statement would have been to say the following: "I disagree with the statement that teachers and students will no longer exist in a classroom setting by the year 2050 to a certain extent. My belief is based upon several reasons that I will be discussing in the succeeding paragraphs." It is important that you clearly state a degree of disagreement with the statement so that the outline section of your essay will be complete and accurate in its representation of the paraphrased prompt. By clearly stating that you disagree to a certain extent, you prepare the reader for the line of reasoning that you will be presenting in the forthcoming paragraphs. I have no problems with the line of reasoning that you state in paragraphs 2-3. However, the concluding statement contains a new set of discussion information that you should not have included there. That is because the concluding statement should have merely wrapped up the essay by saying; " It is for the aforementioned reasons that I believe the classroom will not be obsolete by the year 2050. New forms of classroom education will take its place in order to create a more effective manner of teaching in the 21st century. To be precise, classrooms will evolve into technology based, video conferencing style classrooms at that point in time, using technology to take the place of the physical classroom instead." The conclusion should only summarize the important points of discussion in your essay as a recap of the discussion. This is to show that you are capable of paraphrasing not only the given statement, but also information that you provided personally for the essay. This will help to increase your final score because you can display your English thinking, comprehension, and writing skills to a greater degree.