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***Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion***
Your feedback will really help to improve my essay ^,^
It is true that citizens have unfit the way of life in modern era which increases the number of people who died because of eating unhealthy meals. Some people believe that advanced technology give easy way to obtain fast food everywhere. Otherwise, others think a lot of method for staying fit today and it depends on the people commitment to make an effort for a healthy lifestyle.
To begin with, an unhealthy lifestyle becomes a particular of serious issue nowadays. And some people think that it is quite hard to eat fresh food or do physical movement in new world. Moreover, a period of life in advanced technology gives plenty of facilities such as, delivery food by fast food restaurant and eCommerce meals online. And these are easy way to have health problems and make human lazy to go outside. Furthermore, another facility from new innovation also make people spending much time in front of TV, Smartphone and computer, so they are less by working out in a gym and outdoor activities.
Nowadays, a healthy lifestyle has become an essential thing for people who expect to live longer and healthy. And others people argue that there are several ways to stay fit such as, cut down on unhealthy foods, make an effort to do exercise every twice a week frequently and increase fruits and vegetable intake regularly. However, people who prefer to keep fit in lifestyle have to commits with themselves to avoid unhealthy lifestyle.
To sum up, it is easy to have a healthy lifestyle in modern era by eating balance nutrition, eliminate junk food and doing exercise as long as the people can commits with these activities but in my experience there are many ways to have a fit body and healthy mind such as less stress, sleep well at night and do yoga at midnight. It might be very useful to solve health problems. | eve01 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/sleep-well-night-yoga-midnight-hard-keep-71413/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Eve01.
It is my pleasure to give you some correction
It is true that citizens have unfit (Put noun because fit is adjective, example, unfit condition) the way of life in modern era
Some people believe that advanced technology ~~give~~givesan easy way
~~And~~ (it is better not to use AND in the first of sentence. it will be great if you write in addition or furthermore ) some people think that (...) eat fresh food or to do physical movement in ~~new world~~ (it is too wide. much better you replace it by their daily activity .
Best regard | Cachaaaaaaaa | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/sleep-well-night-yoga-midnight-hard-keep-71413/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Eva, first of all, as I go through your essay, I believe you have made a well managed answer to the task at hand, you have a direct response and you did what was asked of you to write. In general, you have pointed each side of the puzzle that made your conclusion strong. Having said that, I do agree that, nowadays, it's getting tougher to be healthy, there are several factors that gets your mind off of eating healthy and living healthy, however, it is always your will that matters in the end, your choice to be healthy and be fit in every way possible.
Moreover, as much as I believe your essay has a very positive result and highlighted the necessary points to address the prompt, I have a few suggestions to enhance your essay.
Conclusion
- in this modern era by eating balance nutrition,
- ~~the people~~you can commit~~s with these~~
- to the activities ~~but~~, however, in
- to ~~have a~~be fit ~~body~~ and healthy
- ~~mind such as~~by observing less stress, sleeping well at night
- ~~and do yoga at midnight. It might be very useful to~~ solve health problems as soon as they arise or better yet prevent them, as they say, prevention is better than cure .
I hope the above remarks help in your revision. | justivy03 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/sleep-well-night-yoga-midnight-hard-keep-71413/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them**?
Along with the development of advertisement, more and more effect is brought to consumer attention, one of which is a competition of companies. Personally, I believe that advertisement of contending companies are dangerous for consumers who are encouraged to spend money without thinking.
No one could neglect the fact that consumers waste their money on some eye-catching products of companies which are broadcasted on the different way such as television program, and so forth do not need for daily life. This is because many companies promote buyers to use their products and services by disseminating information on marketing campaigns, these companies can gain high profits in advertising commercials. For instance, when viewers watch a movie, they may be attended on slogans which move on the screen represent the benefit of goods. The audience just is affected to spend much money on buying some products, but they aware that there are unnecessary goods.
Despite hard to finding method, the government should protect their citizen from harmful advertisements. Hazardously advertising televisions programs, poster all of which inform prohibit goods such as alcohol and cigarette should be restricted, especially teenager. Additionally, customers have to subscribe on necessary introduction as well as cannot buy some strange products. However, parents should adopt their child and protect them from too much exposure to advertising.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that influent advertisements become more and more important for human life. Nonetheless, customers waste too much money to obtain some goods and services, and children should be promoted to pay much money | hanryhyunh | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumers-faced-increasing-numbers-71414/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Hanryhyunh..
you are excellent writer, but i found some mistakes. Lemme show you
..., more and more effect ~~is~~ brought attention to consumer ~~attention~~ , one of (?) which is a competition of companies
... too much exposure ~~to~~from advertising.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that ~~influen~~influenceof advertisements become ~~more and more important~~essential for human life
... obtain some goods and services, and children should be promoted to pay much money
make it clear.
Good job mate! | Giansy11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumers-faced-increasing-numbers-71414/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Toan, kindly find additional modifications for your essay.
- brought to consumers attention,
- one of which is ~~a~~the competition of companies.
- of ~~contending~~rival companies are dangerous
- No one ~~could~~should neglect the
- products ~~of companies which~~that are broadcasted
- ~~on the~~in different ways such
- they ~~may be attended on~~can flash slogans
- ~~which~~that moves on the
- screen that represents the
- benefits of the goods.
- Despite hard to find~~ing~~ methods ,
- ~~Hazardously~~Negative advertising on televisions programs,
- post~~er all of which inform~~ prohibited goods
- In conclusion, it is undeniable that the~~influent~~influence of advertisements
- should be ~~promoted to pay much money~~kept away from this harmful and negative advertisements.
There you have it Toan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, for future writing reference, make sure that you be cautious on the correct form of the words that you incorporate in your essay. | justivy03 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/consumers-faced-increasing-numbers-71414/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
At the first time in the history of fitness and health magazines in the U.S, the cover star of the Women's Running Magazine is wearing hijab. It becomes a hot issue in this week. The people wonder who this outstanding woman is, and the cover star is Rahaf Khatib. She is a mother of three kids who has competed in two triathlons and countless half marathons. She have several uniques experiences as athlete who wears hijab. Even, at the first race, she was asked lots of questions about her performance. Don't you get hot? This is the most favorite questions that she had. If it is hot outside, you are going to be warm regardless! She answered it calmly. Although it is not common view in United States, However, she stated that her running community has been welcoming her nicely. In addition, she revealed her feeling to Women's Running that she are proud to be the cover of that magazine. Moreover, she want to show to the world, especially to her parents and children and she convinced it is meant that her sweat, tears, and training are worth it. | Iedha01 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-women-running-magazine-featured-woman-71395/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Iedha01..
Let me give you some advice..
....
... this outstanding woman is, and ~~the cover star~~she is Rahaf Khatib.
... three kids who ~~has~~had competed in two triathlons ...
She ~~have~~had several uniques experiences ...
... revealed her feeling ~~to Women's Running~~ that she ~~are proud~~proud to be the cover ~~of that magazine~~star of the Women's Running Magazine . Moreover, she ~~want~~ wants to show to (...) and children ~~and she convinced it is meant~~ that her sweat, tear, and training are worth ~~it~~ .
good job. I hope It could be useful. | Sari Trisna | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-women-running-magazine-featured-woman-71395/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
At the first time, in the history of fitness
She has several uniques experiences ...
that she ~~are~~is proud of to be the cover of that magazine.
cocern about your grammatical error
i hope it can help you
good luck | bismillah | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-women-running-magazine-featured-woman-71395/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**TED Summary : The world's english mania**
The topic for this is mania. Many aspect people get form Media. People can see the news update which are they love about something, it can make people feel crying and screaming. There are several ways to express the something people like, which are supporters from football offer their favourite clubs.
In addition, the other thing which are mania about religion. Make people close enough to God. For example, mania can be good, also can be endanger also can be deathly.
The world has many mania about something which are learning english, listening chinese student practice their english by screaming to something.
How many people learning english worldwide?
2 billion of them, at least in America, India and Southern East Asia. Most of all in China. If you live in china that you must studied from 3 grade. In the future china will be the largest english speaking country.
Why english?
On othe hand, there are many aspect which are opportunity for better life, a job, to be able the favourit school. The people in china studied 12 a day for three years. 25% of their grade is based on english language. Intensity of learning english is an almost In the city.
However, english mania affected which are good or bad, english is world second languages part of the wider conversation, a global conversation which are climate change,hunger disease and universal language. English is language of problem solving because it can communicate and unify with the others. English represent hope for better future. | andika08 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/two-billion-people-least-america-india-71408/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Many aspects people get form Media
People can see the news update ...
=>People can read the latest news about what they are interest in.
There are several ways to express ~~the~~ something people like
which are supporters from football ...
=>such as what football supporters do due to their love to the favorite clubs.
the other thingS which are mania about religion.
I'M REALLY SORRY TO SAY THAT YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES RELATED TO BASIC GRAMMAR, PLEASE PAY MORE ATTENTIONS TO DEAL WITH IT. | ekalamarsyari11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/two-billion-people-least-america-india-71408/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi dika ^,^
your summary is good enough but let me give some advises and i hope it helps
>> marks your spelling ( favourite ; favorite, english ; English , chinese; Chinese (use capital letter)
>> to begin with summary video you can use >> according to the speaker, based on the video or mention the name of speaker
>> better to not put questions in summary but write the content
~~On othe hand~~On the other hand , there are many aspects which ~~are~~have opportunities for better life, a job~~,~~and to be able chosen the favourit school.
keep writing | eve01 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/two-billion-people-least-america-india-71408/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Andika, as I go through your essay, I believe there's something wrong with how you understood the TED talk that you are trying to summarize. As far as I recall, this particular talk is focused on hoe the English language took off and created such a mania that every single person in the world would like to learn and speak the language.
Now, there is some truth to your summary, the part where you talk about or enumerated countries where the language originated and how it spread is an absolute truth. The English language has taken the world for as long as I can remember, it is dubbed as the universal language, a language where everybody understands everybody and share the same perspective and expression. Nonetheless, it is the language that brought people together and unfortunately enough, the same language that sometimes can break people apart due to several factors such as different views and different understanding to certain circumstances in life.
Overall, it's quiet a confusing summary, there's quiet a lot of changes to be made, however, they can be fixed and modified and I hope the above insights helped you in your revision. | justivy03 | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/two-billion-people-least-america-india-71408/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Some people find difficult ways in order to post their pictures in social media. This situation happen because they lack of knowledge in taking picture.
Smartphone cameras can give a great picture depend on user. There are a number of common problems of bad quality of the images, such as autofocus, flash, and zoom digital. However, these problems are not longer as long as the user know the trick to solve it.
This article will give you tips to become expert camerist. First, make more effort in manual focus and try focusing on different parts of the screen. Second, avoid to use flash and try in normal light scenario, because the result will be more shiny and clear. Third, using digital zoom will give less focus on your picture, just move closer to the subject and take it naturally.
Finally, all of these tips will make you able to take picture like professional, and all in all skill of editing is turning point of the images. Giving more touch of filter and you will ready to post it on your social media. | Giansy11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/professional-photograph-using-smarthphone-71409/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi friend after reading in your essay i have a bit suggestions of yours
This situation happens because they have lack of knowledge in taking picture. pay attention about S+v+o
a great picture depends on user.
the user knows the trick to solve it.
will make you be able to take picture ...
you have to pay attention about your grammatical error
i hope it can be able to help you | bismillah | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/professional-photograph-using-smarthphone-71409/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hai gian
it is a great topic
I have some suggestions for you
Some people find difficult ways in [...] lack of knowledge in taking picture. <<<< **better to use 3 sentences**
There are a ~~number~~**amount**of common problems of bad ...
This article will gives you tips to become expert ~~camerist~~**<<<< I think "photograph" is better.** ]
The f irst, make more effort in manual ...
... tips will makes you able to take picture ...
... you will ready to post it on ~~your~~ social media.
I think it is enough
thank you | ryan31 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/professional-photograph-using-smarthphone-71409/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello Giansy, your writing is excellent, however, I suggest some suitable words which can be used to produce well sentences. Those words are put on the second paragraph showed below:
"Smartphone cameras can give a great ... "
"Smartphone cameras can produce a great photograph, but it depends on how user uses that sophisticated technology. Using such cell phone camera is that indeed the user cannot be separated by many common problems which occur due to bad quality of the images such as the auto-focus, flash, and zoom digital. The tricks in operating that technology are believed as methods of solving the mentioned problems and it can be coped with an agility of photographer in utilizing that camera. "
Thanks | Anaguna | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/professional-photograph-using-smarthphone-71409/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
***Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to healthy and fit if they want to be.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***
In modern era, there are many ways to keep body healthy. It depend on the people who want to stay fit. For example, in the office peoples can do some exercise at the free time. Although the others prefer to stay for doing nothing.
The office workers have little time because of their job in every day. It can effect for their healthy that they just sitting every time. In addition, they also find the fast food rather than nutrition foods, because the fast food more delicious than healthy foods. The taste is salty. Subsequently, they prefer using escalator than stairs. It make their body not produce sweat because they do less activities. Next, people use their cars instead of walking to arrive in the work office.
In other hand, employee can use their separate time to do many exercise. It can effect for their healthy nd focus. However, They can bring packed meal which are the nutrition foods, such as fresh fruits and vegetables that contain less oil and flavourin. Next, they can go to sport centre and make schedule to exercise because it is important. Although, it is look harder but if the people do the activities regularly, they can keep their body healthy. In addition, they can choose to walk instead using vehicle because it make their body be active.
Recently, i think many peoples have plan about their activity which are doing exercise but in fact they just need good start. If people can do it regularly, they can want to do it again.
In conclusion, for being healthy it is difficult because there are many way to reach that. People just need healthy lifestyle become habit. Unfortunately, the people think it is difficult to get fit, in fact it can be very easy. | andika08 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/modern-era-ways-keep-body-healthy-depend-71407/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hello dika
I have some suggestions for you
I hope it helps
**1. reduction using subject pronoun in body 1 and 2****2. I think using technology is suitable than talking about occupation**
... exercise at the free time,a lthough the others prefer to stay for doing nothing.**(give your position about this task)**
It can effect ~~for~~on their healthy that ...
The taste is salty(too short sentence) .
... they can keep fit~~their body healthy~~(paraphrase) .
Recently, ~~i~~**I** <<< **capital** think many people~~s~~ have plan (...) which are doing exercise, but in fact they ...
... there are many ways to reach that.
be careful out of topic bro
keep writing
thanks | ryan31 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/modern-era-ways-keep-body-healthy-depend-71407/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Andika08. It is nice to read your writing but I have some suggestions for you
It depends on the people who ...
... in the office people~~s~~ can do some ...
It can ~~effect~~ affect for their healthy that ...
It can ~~effect~~ affect for their healthy nd focus.
Although, it ~~is~~ looks harder but if the people ...
Recently, i think many people~~s~~ have plan about their activity which ~~are~~is doing exercise but ...
Keep writing. Best regard | Hujjatul19 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/modern-era-ways-keep-body-healthy-depend-71407/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The bar chart describes the amount of UK University students who studying Computer Science during 2 years between 2010 and 2012. Overall, both British and International students, the proportion of men has fallen and rose while women shows that it increased constantly.
The diagram of British home students shows that the men was stood at 48 students in 2010 and then plunged to 23 students in 2011. However, it was increased steadily to 43 students in 2012. By contrast, side, the number of women was increased gradually during three years from 35 students in 2010 to 45 students in 2012.
On the other side, International students highlight that the total number of men rose from 20 students in 2010. Therefore, it increased dramatically from 23 students in 2011 to 38 students in 2012. Besides, the proportion of women increased steadily within the three years from 13 students in 2010 to 20 students in 2012.
* | Ucha MSN | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/home-international-students-studying-computer-71398/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Ucha, it is nice to read your writing but here is some suggestions for you
... shows that the men ~~was~~ stood at 48 students in ...
However, it ~~was~~ increased steadily to ...
... the number of women ~~was~~ increased gradually during ...
ťťI do not think that you wish to use passive voice thought your first and last paragraph show it does not. Be careful.
Keep writing. Best regard. | Hujjatul19 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/home-international-students-studying-computer-71398/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Ucha MSN
Let me give you some advice..
....
However, it ~~was~~ increased steadily to 43 ...
... the number of women ~~was~~ increased gradually during three years from 35 ...*you could change it : from 35 to 45 students during three years since 2010 until 2012*
On the other side,International students highlight ...you could change it : The highlight of International male students rose from 20 students in 2010.
... of women increased steadily withinthe three yearsyou could change it : the whole perod from 13 students in 2010 to 20 students in 2012.
Good Job, I hope it could be useful.. | Sari Trisna | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/home-international-students-studying-computer-71398/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
It is the Susan O'Keefe's journey with her husband for Nat Geo Expeditions. they have visited the Canadian Rockies. The trip have started from Calgary to Vancouver. In that spot they made plenty of stops along the way, including Banff and Jasper National Parks and Whistler and Victoria, British Columbia for 12 days.
First, they spent time at Elaho-Squamish River with their favorite activity which is water rafting. They felt amazing sensation when they should traverse terrain otherwise inaccessible way. This is not wasted journey because they got the impressive views of the world's most glaciated mountain range. Not only throwing the river but also climbing up a rock ledge and jumping into a pool of chilly blue water that they did it.
In the beautiful Lake Louise in Banff National Park, they knew about uniquely colorless lake with snowcapped peaks landscaping the scent of fresh forest pine. In that spot there is historical place as called as Lake Agnes Tea House that provide good tasted hot tea and best homemade desserts. Hiking in the Athabasca Glacier is the great choice. It is not hard to see Canadian wildlife in that place, such as mountain goats, caribou, grizzly bears, wolves, moose, and so on.
At the night they tried to watch incredible late sunset and stargaze in Miette Hot Spring which is still one area with Jasper National Park that is considered the second largest dark sky preserve in the world and hosts of stargazing events.
In western coast of Vancouver Island, they took a long coastal hike with accompanied by best landscape of Olympic Peninsula, revealing blue skies, and sparkling Pacific water. As travel cover, they visited Victoria which rich about traditional cultural attraction and mouth-watering seafood cuisine.
From mountain peaks to massive glaciers and Tiffany blue lakes, there was spectacular scenery everywhere they looked, and remarkable experience for them. | rasedasda24 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-one-national-geoghaphic-71394/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Rasedasda..
You can deliver well your summary, but i found some mistakes. lemme show you
It is ~~the~~ Susan O'Keefe's journey with her ...
do not use article
In that spot there is historical place (...) Tea House that provide good tasted hot tea ...
pay attention to verb that you use in one sentence.
At the night they watched~~tried to watch~~ incredible ~~late~~ sunset and stargaze in Miette Hot Spring ~~which is still one~~where it same areas with Jasper National Park that is ... | Giansy11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-one-national-geoghaphic-71394/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Asda, I believe this is the first review I will do for your essay and right off the bat, I must say that this summary is full of adjectives that helped describe in very fine details what is in the story and this summary also featured all there is to know and understand in order to discover the destination.
Overall, as much as the ideas and information help elaborate the sense that you are trying to convey to your readers, the adjectives, verbs as well as the minor details such as the linking verbs and stand alone phrases are great addition to your essay and this is what you did in your summary essay. You made sure that all the points and contents are covered to create that substance needed for your essay.
What else is there is for you to keep writing, though I know that your essay can still be enhanced, I believe it comes in time and practice of course. Keep writing. | justivy03 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-one-national-geoghaphic-71394/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain**
workplaces, schools, and other institutions are designed for introverted people. It encourages outgoing, rowdy and gregarious. By contract, being solitude, loneliness and privacy are what introverts want. Often people have the stereotype that introverts are solitary and unsociable. Therefore, they force to be more attractive and involve on outgoing activities.
Interesting research by Adam school has found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than introverts. Because when they are managing and proactive, involve people to decision-making process and ascertain that every single people in an organization are the essential part. Introverted leader equips ideas and give more space for their co-worker to bubble up an idea. We have a great introverted leader who had proved that they could be inspired people by being introverts such as Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and etc. | Fatirtalent | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-stereotype-introverts-solitary-71383/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Fatirtalent..
Let me give you some advice..
w orkplaces, schools, and other ...
By ~~contract~~contrast , being solitude, loneliness ...
Because when they are managing ~~and~~to proactive, involve people ~~to~~in decision-making process ...
Introverted leader equips ideas and ~~give~~gives more space for ...
Good Job.
I hope it could be useful | Sari Trisna | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-stereotype-introverts-solitary-71383/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**TED Summary - The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain**
hi fati^^
let me give you some advises for your summary
to begin with the summary : you can start write >>> according to the speaker..., based on the video..., the speaker notice....
>>> you can write there are three important points/ places which mention introvert person : workplaces, schools, (...) designed for introvert~~ed~~ people. And It encourages outgoing, rowdy and gregarious.
... and privacy are a very enjoyable things that introverts expect~~what introverts want.~~~~Often~~usually people who have the stereotype of~~that~~ introverts are solitary and unsociable.
hope it helps
keep writing ^,^ | eve01 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/people-stereotype-introverts-solitary-71383/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The microscopic organism on the earth ,contain only few genetic materials, is known as Bacteria. they are single cell with special property and few genes that together can encode all of the traits to be herritaged and expressed. they can conducted complex biological mechanism including replication, respiration, and other complicated live process by them self. These metabolic systems can be done by transforming the genes into genetic information. They play important roles to human being such as, digest food,produce vitamin, and even the educate our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria and keep them out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease. 99% part of human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous. even so, they also have many bad impacts for us.according to Bonnie Bassler, An American molecular biologist, she astonished most of the disease-relating humans is predominantly caused by bacteria. the way to infect and penetrate human body is not by solitary bacteria but rather communal bacteria. The big question is how they can regulate their social live ?. the preliminary hypothesis is they communicate through chemical language. this circumstance had been examined by sampling ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery, illuminating bacteria, which can produce and regulate the light (bioluminiscence) whether in solitary or live together. | Ifan21 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-secret-social-lives-bacteria-bonnie-71406/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections
~~they~~ They are single cell with ...
~~they~~ They can conducted complex biological mechanism ~~including~~ which are replication...
~~They play important roles~~ They became a vital role to human being ~~such as~~ which are, digest food, ...
~~moreover~~ In addition, they can defend ...
~~even so~~ Although, they also have many bad ...
~~according~~ According to Bonnie Bassler, An American ...
~~the~~ Next, the way to infect and penetrate human ...
*The big question is how they can regulate their social live ?*. the preliminary hypothesis is ...
~~this~~ This circumstance had been examined ...
You can added an introduction in the first paragraph.
You can explain more spesific in the three last sentences. | andika08 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-secret-social-lives-bacteria-bonnie-71406/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Helo ivan,
You have done great but let me give you some advice
... the earth contain only (a ) few genetic materials, is (had ) known as Bacteria.They are (a) single cell with (...) all of the traits to be ~~heritaged~~ (inherited) and expressed(They are a single cell with special property and genes that combine into trait code and then will be inherited and expressed.
They play important roles to (the) human being (...), and ~~even the~~educate (this word sounds little bit strange, you may use another word like trigger, push, thrive etc) our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria (if you use "and" you have to use equivalent word and cannot give explanation only for one word like you did for immune system, you can make any sentence to explain it) ==>Immune system has responsibility tokeep (fight ) dangerous out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease (you have explained before, chose the sentence, which one you wanna use). 99% part of (the ) human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous (you have explained before, you can summarize three sentences above into one sentence clearly ).
... can regulate their social live (life ) ?.
... ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery (typo fishery ), illuminating bacteria, which ...
Good Luck :)
Best regards, Tami | fauziyahtami | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-secret-social-lives-bacteria-bonnie-71406/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The microscopic organism on the earth ,contain ...
=> The microscopic organism on the earth that contains only few genetic materials is known as Bacteria
genes that together can encode all of ...
=> genes that work together to encode all of the traits to be heritage and expressed
they can conducted complex biological mechanism ...
=> they can conduct a complex biological mechanism including replication, respiration, and other complex live process by themselves.
...such as, digest food,produce vitamin, and even the ...
=> such as, digesting food,producing vitamin, and even remaining our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria and keeping them out of our body. | ekalamarsyari11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-secret-social-lives-bacteria-bonnie-71406/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?.**
Food have played a essential role in the mankind for thousand years. In the 21st century,some people believe that some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos they did before,due to the negative impact to the community. In my private opinion, I completely agree with this view.
Firstly, the food, which have high cholesterol and unnatural chemicals, such as fast food and junk food, are damaging seriously to the human 's health. There are over 1000 of patients, who have problem with obesity, have been added in the world every year and this signal will increse more quickly in next several years, following a research of WHO in 2014. The most crucial reason is they have abused KFC or MC Donald for a long time, instead of using more healthy products. That thing explain why we should control and carry out advertisements of some certain products.
Secondly, If the congress create laws to limit the society using too much the unhealthy food, it will make a big change in the human 's behavior in eating by using more traditional product with high nutritional value. In fact, in Canada, 80% of junk food companies are taxed with the same level of tobacco by the government and they are not allowed to advertise in any means of communications. As a result, the activities in producing and using some kind of unhealthy food will be controlled.
In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited in the public with the most powerful solutions.
can somebody tell me how score did i get in 4 criteria of IELTS and which is the biggest false to make my score go down seriously :
-task achievement
-coherence and cohesion
-lexical resource
-grammartical range and accuracy
=> overall
Thank you ^^ | hoangduc241096 | Sep 23, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello hoangduc
i have some advice to you, please pay attention if you wish
Food have played a(n) essential role in the mankind
**.....using *article* for vowal word, you should use *an***
some people believe that some kind(s) of food
**.....some=plural, so you should write kind with *s***
some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos (conj) they did before
**....pattern of a sentence is s+v+(obj)+conj+s+v
some kind of food= subject
should be limited= verb
the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos= object
they= subject
did= verb
so, you should use *conjunction* before subject (they)** | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 23, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
thank you for support,can you give me some mark for the essay?? ^^ | hoangduc241096 | Sep 23, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Hoang, as much as I want to provide or rate your essay according to IELTS standard, I will not be able to as here on EF,we are not licensed to rate according to IELTS, however, as I review your essay, I must say you've covered all the basics of the IELTS standard, you started strong in your introduction, you made your point in the succeeding paragraphs and you made sure that there is a logical sequence of your ideas.
However, as much as I like how the essay is strategically written, the concluding part did not really play as strong as the previous ones. Having said that, below are my thoughts and I hope it helps in your revision.
- In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited ~~in~~to the public for public consumption,~~with the most~~ powerful solutions such as media involvement and advertising healthier options will help the public learn more and make wiser decision on what they will and they want to eat .
There you have it Hoang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, be more specific with your reasons, enumerate and elaborate ideas if you can. | justivy03 | Sep 23, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
thank you so much for your attendtion ^^ | hoangduc241096 | Sep 23, 2016 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Hoang, no worries at all we are here to share with you what we know and our expertise in order for you to be more confident in submitting your essay and in the process giving you that extra strength to your essay.
Moreover, we advice that aside from answering prompts that definitely hones your writing skills, I personally suggest that you develop different writing techniques in order to give not only a variety to your writing but also a different substance that will enhance and develop your writing skills.
Overall, you can go ahead and experiment in your writing, learn from other writers, do a competitive comparison and most importantly, write as much as you can as well as read a lot, this will not only help you know and learn more about new words and how they are used in a sentence, this will greatly help you in coming up with an even stronger article. | justivy03 | Sep 23, 2016 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/advertising-certain-food-products-banned-71257/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012. Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students. British home students dominated quantity of computer science students in the UK for three years in both of females and males.
Between 2010 and 2012, British's home female students had the highest number in 2012 at 45 percent while the lowest number in 2010 around 30 percent. In the opposite, International students had dramatically lower than native students. Females who were studying abroad increased steadily from less than 15 percent (2010) to 20 percent (2012).
In 2011, British male home students had the lowest proportion. By 2012, the number of male students came from British country had increased from less than 25 percent in 2011 to the highest proportion at approximately 43 percent. On the other hand, International male students climbed from 20 percent in 2010 to nearly 40 percent in 2012.
* | fauziyahtami | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/number-foreign-students-increased-71400/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hallo Fauzi..
i have come corrections for your writing..
... computer science at ~~a~~ UK university between 2010 and 2011
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012
avoid redudancy of sentence.
This sentence same as introduction
... of computer science students in ~~the~~ UK for three years in both ...
pay attention when you want to use article
reduce repetition of student : scholar
Correct me if i'm wrong.
Well done mate! | Giansy11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/number-foreign-students-increased-71400/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Fauziyah, Here several inputs for your writing.
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science ... *need to be more paraphrasing, because it is similar with the task**The bar graph illustrates the number of students taking computer science major at the university in Britain during a 3-year period from 2010 to 2012*
Overall, it can be seen that there ~~are~~*were*two ~~kinds~~*types* of students~~:~~*consist of* British ~~home~~ students and International students. British ~~home~~ students dominated quantity of ...
Good luck! | fauzankrn | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/number-foreign-students-increased-71400/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Fauziyah.
Let me help you to finalize your writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.
Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students
*Actually, that is not an overview because you only tell information about difference of the bar. The overview is a summary of the information describing the general trend. I will give you an example of the overview.*
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.
... while the lowest number in 2010 WAS around 30 percent.
... International students had ~~dramatically~~ THE lower RATE than native students.
... studying abroad HAD increased steadily from less ...
... country had increased MARKEDLY from less than 25 (...) highest proportion ~~at~~ REPRESENTING AT approximately 43 percent.
... International male students climbed CONSIDERABLY from 20 percent in 2010 ... (*to make it more clear, you are supposed to include verb with adverb)*
Note: In the writing task 1, if you wanna the high score, you have to make comparisons amongst the figures. You cannot describe the data separately because our job is to compare them.
I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK | akbarmappiare | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/number-foreign-students-increased-71400/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Everyone presenting in TedTalk aims for one thing. Joseph Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world. The better world for all of us. Not for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It is the sad story regarding who live far away from Europe. They are Syrian people.
Joseph asked the audience deeply and very touching about freedom dan conscience. He told the story when 15 children of Syria were killed by the regime in 2011. Whereas the children are not a soldier. They did not write.
Besides, when parents asked their children who were kidnapped by the regime to be returned, Syrian intelligence said they will make a new child for them.
Until now, many civilian were killed because they wanted to get their rights. So, everyone must speak up regarding humanity issue in Syria. Yes, everyone. | Afdhel | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The better world is for all of us.
Joseph asked the audience deeply and ~~very~~~~ing~~touched about freedom dan conscience.
the way you write has similar way to speech way, please make it more academically
hi @ Afdhel here are my advices. | mdamanhuri77 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello afdhel
i have a twice advice to you, pay attention if you wish
they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world.
**.....they= subject
.....were= verb
.....there= adverb of place
......due to= adj
.....they= subject
......believe=verb
*there are 2 subjects and verbs. you shoud use a conj onto your sentence***
The better world for all of us
**.....there are no verb on your sentence** | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Ismail,
You have a good summary
I have given you some advices to improve your summary.
cheers
Whereas the children are not a soldier sentence fragment 'whereas (sentence), (sentence)
who refer to ?
The better world for all of us sentence fragment ( no verb)
They did not write. Syrian children are unable to write ( this is my suggestion) | kiev | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi there,
Let me share share some ideas regarding to your summary,
I think you should vary your vocabularies in composing sentences. It can boost your mark. Let me show you some examples,
-Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, [...] from Europe. They are Syrian people.
These sentences are not united so I give you this sentence as the example:
-Homoud, the humanitarian, revealed he were there where everyone is reserved to live, then, He convinced that a convenient and safe places are not only for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It also belongs to Syirian resident. | Iedha01 | Sep 27, 2016 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi friend i have some suggestion to you
they were there due to....... they believe...... we deserve the better world
It is the sad story regarding which lives far away from Europe.
until now you can use up to now that more academic
Until now, many civilians
i hope it can help you.... | bismillah | Sep 27, 2016 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-speak-syrian-people-71346/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The night activity such as study for the exam, doing deadline assignment or just keep eyes on the screen become pivotal reasons to stay up for several people. The people who keen to stay up late are more likely attacked with some health problems. It's better if you just take a nap approximately 15 to 20 minutes in a day and change it in the night to awake. There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways. William Kohler as the medical director of the Florida Sleep Institute said that the bright light has a connection with our eye. Thus, turn the light on is a good idea to keep you awake. Also, consuming snack can provide you to have some energy in the night, but only for a snack that contains low-fat ingredients. The other ways to healthy stay up to keeps your body moving. If you spend your time to work at the desk, get up and take a simple movement approximately 10 minutes to walk around. Come with those reasons, to keep awake in the night it's will be a healthy way as long as you doing it well. | ibal28 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-staying-late-healthy-way-71404/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections
The night activity ~~such as~~ which are study for the ...
The people who keen to stay up late ~~are more likely attacked with some health problems~~ can be attacked healthy problem.
... a day and change ~~it~~ the activity in the night to awake. *There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways*.
~~Also,~~ Therefore, consuming snack can (...) but ~~only for a~~ it's a different the snack that ...
**Although,**The other ways to healthy stay up ...
You have to explain the type of way to stay up late more spesific.
you can added the introduction in the first paragraph. | andika08 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-staying-late-healthy-way-71404/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
We are now building cities, bringing people out of the poverty, and changing climate as we understand that sustainability is from a nice-to-do to the a must-do. Every business should have positive impacts to the world.
Firstly, a vast majority of people have cared about sustainable issues in the easy, affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company. From this basis, company and buyer can cooperate to create and consume the viable innovation products.
The next swing raw materials which are based on recycle products must be used as our resources and then business people are independent on natural raw material which will reach the zero waste targets.
The operations, furthermore, can be altered into natural energy such as solar panel that reduces a great deal of pollution in out ecosystem.
Afterwards, it is about humanity. With no child labour, we apprehend to support better quality of children where we protect the right of children and improve their life. In addition, closing the gap of gender in which women should participate and we open the network for women is a great path to the decent future preventing poverty.
If you are a business leader, you have think about what you should do to bear the sustainability system into your business model. If you are consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well. We are able to help create sustainable world | rizaldohabibie | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-steve-howard-selling-sustainability-71385/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
~~which are based on recycle products~~ this is my suggestion to erase this extra information.
as 'because' is better as a transition signal for your sentence.
You overused passive voice sentences
impacts to impact on (preposition)
from a nice-to-do to the a must-do what do you want to say?
you have think 2 verbs | kiev | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-steve-howard-selling-sustainability-71385/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**Hii rizaldohabibie.. Here I give you some comments. Hope it can helps you.**
We are now building cities('we are' means people. so, be careful to use the words) , bringing people out of the poverty, (...) is from a nice-to-do to **the a** must-do (Pay attention to the redundant words, in this sentence you have an extra article in this sentence. Consider deleting **the** or **a**) .
... have positive impacts ~~to~~on(inappropriate colocation) the world.
Suggestion sentence:
==> In this cutting-edge era, climate change and poverty is the crucial issue that really needs to solve directly. Thus, this is our task to give the real positive actions such sustainable ways as well.
Firstly, ...... , affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company . ==> to make it passive, your sentence should be: relies on the company or has relied on the company. Because the intransitive verb is an action verb that will not take an object.
... which are based on ~~recycle~~recycling(after the preposition on is V+ing) products must be used ...
.... energy such as A solar panel that reduces a great ...
With no ~~child~~ children's labour, we apprehend to support A better quality of children ..
If you are a business leader, you have TO think about what you ... If you are A consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well.
==> pay attention for some word that really needs an article.
I have a tendency to say that We are able to help create ...
**Keep writing :)** | ibal28 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-steve-howard-selling-sustainability-71385/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A new fashion of travelling which has become common for all layer of age is a trip that enjoy a different kind of travel: learning vacations. According to surveys, about thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes.
This program includes, first, honing ability in the artistic endeavours with professional trainer supervising the tourists. Secondly, travellers can attempt to acquire the material of traditional cuisine from the myriad cultures. Next, travellers who go to Britain, they can enrol in courses at residential colleges that contain activities from intellectual to the performance such as photography and dancing.
These are just a few example of the many types of learning vacation. This program must be more economical than the conventional vacations. Moreover, it will be really useful to enhance travellers' ability rather than just have fun in the traditional vacation. | rizaldohabibie | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/thirty-cent-travellers-year-choose-learning-71387/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Rizaldo..
Actually, your summary is a good job. However, let me finalize this.
... common for all layer of age is a trip ~~that enjoy~~ ENJOYING*(You should conduct reducing here to make this variation)* a different kind
Next, travellers who go to Britain~~, they~~ can enrol in courses at residential colleges ~~that contain~~ CONTAINING THE activities from ...
These are just a few exampleS of the many ...
This program ~~must~~ SHOULD be more economical than ...
... ability rather than just ~~have~~ HAVING fun in the traditional vacation.
Note: this is free of the macro errors grammatically. I only hope you can make yours more various. You can modify your word, using omitting or
reducing.
keep fighting
GOOD LUCK | akbarmappiare | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/thirty-cent-travellers-year-choose-learning-71387/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Communication has related with media and collective action. Nowadays, media gives more information about anything that human needed to do something. Media comes from several shapes that had been supported by internet, make easier in every particular areas, such as agriculture, commerce, education and another one.
As the time goes by, media publishing cannot separate from printing press, a broadcasting station, a community or a market place, all of these things had evolution rapidly.
The effect of this phenomena is "social dilemmas" , where people stuck in hard situation caused by range of possibilities that available on their situation.
Furthermore, people should be able to find out their own way of their problem, they must be wise to come out from the effect of communication by media | Giansy11 | Sep 26, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/new-power-collaboration-71338/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi there, I found some grammar, active/passive voice, subject/object missing, singular/plural mistakes and incorrect use of tenses. Here are my corrections:
Communication has been related with media ...
...media publishing cannot ~~separate~~be separated from printing press
...make it easier in every particular ...
...all of these things ~~had evolution~~have evolved rapidly.
...where people stuck in hard situations caused by a range of possibilities that is available on their situations .
...people should be able to find ~~out~~ their own ways of (solving, dealing with) their problems ...
I hope this helps. Have a good day! | akn_24 | Sep 26, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/new-power-collaboration-71338/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi there,
As far I concern, there are some grammatical issues in your summary. I suggest you to vary your vicabularies. Let me give examples,
-Communication has RELATED WITH media and collective action. ( it must be RELATED TO)
-Media comes from several SHAPES that had been supported by (...) commerce, education and ANOTHER ONE. ( I think the word SHAPE in the sentence above is not suitable and ANOTHER ONE, you can change it into OTHERS or MANY MORE ) Your sentence should be = there are several sources of media which support by internet.... | Iedha01 | Sep 26, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/new-power-collaboration-71338/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
The biggest issue for our democracy is how we reduce terrors without sacrificing and violating a human's right. Rebecca MacKinnon became several workers in journalist, researchers etc, she concluded that our democracy do not double down on securing and defending human rights.
Take Tunisia as the example, It was a succesfull country to revolute to be democracy country but five years after that, they got serious invasion by ISIS recruitment and the citizens ask the governement to take them safe with everything. Iyad el-Bagdhadu, an activist who make a joke of ISIS on Twitter and he got his account suspended because he shared about the leader of ISIS.
So, these social network companies has a vital role to discourse the public. They have to fix this problems to avoid inadequate way of people see now in the particular media. They need to be tranparrant to the Users about their mechanism. Rebecca believes that, finally, we can tackle the cutting-edge empowered network of extrimist to be more peaceful world in the future. | mdamanhuri77 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/rebecca-mackinnon-fight-terror-sacrificing-71366/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
*there are still some similarities between your work and the source vocabulary that mean you still need to show efforts in how you make summary by relying and enhancing your lexical resource.*
Rebecca MacKinnon became several workers in journalist, researchers etc
*wrong and confusing statement. by your writing, reader may grasp that what you mean is that Rebecca had worked on several profession before. in fact, what she mean on her speech is that she has worked with many people with different occupation background*
our democracy do not double down on securing and defending human rights.
**completely same words with the source. what you did can not classified as summarizing. you only copy paste several important facts without even change the words. this will not build your writing and reading comprehension**
the same case happened at the rest of your writing. Thus, there is no importance for me to give feedback on yours since i can conclude that this writing is not yours.
by reading, paraphrasing, and summarizing, you will have a chance to enhance your reading and writing skill at the same time. unfortunately, you just miss the opportunity. good luck | RAY93 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/rebecca-mackinnon-fight-terror-sacrificing-71366/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**TED SUMMARY 4 - PROCRASTINATION by Tim Urban**
A writer blogger became a speaker on TED VIDEO, he talked about what happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain, called Tim Urban, explained that there are two kinds of procrastinators in the world, those are someone who procrastinates something until the deadline times comes closer and someone who postpones something for a long time because there is no a deadline for the thing he is delayed in life. A large number of characteristics of a procrastinator can be clearly seen in his brain, such as enjoy a pastime, adore something easy and fun, do something unproductive, and has an instant gratification style. The procrastinators like to delay the assignment until the deadline time comes closer. On contrary, the rational decision maker always makes sense to be doing thing at the time, good in drawing his future in detail, able to visualize his long plan in the long run clearly, and always urge himself to complete a task before the time. Based on what Urban said that a non-procrastinator does not exist in the world, everybody is a procrastinator of something in life. | rosadesiana | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/happens-procrastinator-brain-rational-71369/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello Rosa,
he [you should mention before the speaker male or female than you write he or she after mentioned it] talked about what happens ...
that there [double conjuction I thing] there are two kinds of ...
.., do something unproductive, and ~~has~~ an instant gratification style.
On contrary [I think word, "on contrary" when speaker negative explanation, I think better in contrary], the rational decision maker ...
hope these help | PHA2016 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/happens-procrastinator-brain-rational-71369/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Let me help you and give you some suggestions:
1. ... until the deadline time ~~comes closer~~ Repetition, you can change it into "runs out " or you can make a slightly different sentence like this "The procrastinators like to delay the assignment until they run out of the deadline ".
2. ... able to visualize his ~~long plan~~plans in the long run clearly, and always ~~argue~~argues (subject verb agreement ) himself to complete a task before the time. | zul2805_es | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/happens-procrastinator-brain-rational-71369/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
A writer blogger became a speaker on TED VIDEO, he talked ...
**extremely complex and complicated to force it becomes only a sentence**
you may write:
*A write blogger who became a speaker on TED VIDEO talked about what happens within a procrastinator's brain and a rational decision maker's brain. Tim Urban, what he called, explained that there are two kinds of procrastinators in the world.
Those are someone who procrastinates something until the deadline times comes closer and someone who postpones something for a long time because there is no a deadline for the thing he is delayed in life.*this style of writing would not reduce the quality of your work while those sentences are still in complex form. indeed, it makes your writing easier to comprehend. this is what matter in effective communication
A large number of ~~characteristics of a procrastinator~~procrastinator's characteristics can be clearly seen in his brain, such as a tendency to enjoy a pastime, .......
The procrastinators [*repetitive. instead of looking for synonym of certain words to avoid repetition, you may simply just mention its definition]* like to delay ...... | RAY93 | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/happens-procrastinator-brain-rational-71369/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. Food revolution need for better future, because of the food many teenagers suffer an obesity. It made them cannot go anywhere. In addition, there is a massive problem that many places provide fast food. For example, the food like pizza. The food is not fresh, because of the time many student eating non-healthy foods at every time which are early morning, afternoon and night. Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit. They can be taught from home or school. Small children should drink two bottles of milk before going to school. There are some materials that are worse as much sugar in there. There are other foods that contain much sugar. Sugar can effect longer if children always drink it, just form milk the impact for the future become dangerous. People need fresh foods with dishes made from home. While, with the help of government by limiting refined products fast food, it would be good for the future. | andika08 | Sep 26, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Andika, sorry to say that the flow of your Writing is really confusing.
Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. (what do you mean??)
Food revolution need for better future (maybe you want to say: food revolution is needed for a better future)
... teenagers suffer an obesity. (since many teenagers suffer the obesity)
Thank u. | Fitri12 | Sep 26, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi...
your essay is quite good..
here my suggestions..
need revolution ~~for~~[to] make them healthy like usual. Food revolution [is] ~~need~~[needed] for better future~~,~~[.]~~because of~~ [caused by] the food[,] many teenagers ...
i hope it helps.. | rizaldohabibie | Sep 26, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hy there.
your essay is good enough, but you need to improve your vocabulary for increasing your vocabulary score.
==> Try to use ( such as ) when you want to give a cople of examples
==> Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit(s) | Datil | Sep 26, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Causes of death, people need a revolution for ~~make~~making them healthy as like usual. F
... because of the food, many teenagers suffer an obesity. ~~It made them cannot go anywhere~~they cannot go everywhere because of it ..
For example, the food asas like pizza. The food is not in fresh condition , because of the time many student ~~eating~~eat non-healthy foods ~~at~~ every time ~~which are early~~such asin the morning, afternoon and night.
... of vegetables and fruits .
~~Small children~~juvenile should drink two ...
There are some materials that ~~are~~ worse as much sugar in there.
Sugar It can effect longer if children always drink it, just ~~form~~from milk the impact ...
While~~,~~ with the help of government by limiting ...
hi @ andika08
that's all my advices for you. | mdamanhuri77 | Sep 26, 2016 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hey Andika
You have done a great job in writing, but there are some corrections for your essay:
Causesing death, people need revolution for ~~make them healthy like usual~~ (simplify by saying "To keep them healthy" ). Food revolution need for better future (This sentence should be in passive form "Food revolution is required for better future" ), because of the food, many teenagers ...
It made a(avoid repetition) them cannot go anywhere.
..., because ~~of~~ ()because of must be folllowed by noun ord noun phrase the time many student eating ~~non-~~un healthy foods ~~at~~ every time which ...
~~Small children~~they should drink two bottles of ...
... are worse as much sugar in *there*(to which/what "there refers to"? ).
Sugar can effect ~~longer~~ if children always drink it, ...
Thanks
i do hope it is useful for you
best regard
ifan | Ifan21 | Sep 26, 2016 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi there,
Let me give you some inputs regarding to your summary,
-Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual(it sounds awkward. You suppose to say = The increasing number of death is a precursor of revolution regarding to health)
-Food revolution need for better future, [...] made them cannot go anywhere ( Obesity is one of the unhealthy life style, especially for teenagers. It causes they are not able to be active. Therefore, it needs food revolution) | Iedha01 | Sep 26, 2016 | 6 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-teach-child-food-71326/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**IELTS Writing Task 1 Learning Vacations**
Now days, there are kinds of trip which is provide a learning vacations. It be more popular because it can make the travelers to enjoy their time off by learning something new. In the past, these types were generally considered for young who learned in the school. But now, the learnng vacations has become more coomon for adults to spend their pastime in educational project, and various types of travel programs be more interest. From this trip, travelers can hone their creative skills on artistic endeavour. However, there are many content which travelers can choose such as photography and dancing to more serious subjects such as history, phylosophy, and literature. It provide much advantage than any types like more economical. | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-vacations-travelers-may-enjoy-time-71386/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
~~Now days, there are kinds of trip which is ...~~
**Nowadays, a trip becomes more various which is provided with learning on vacation. The travelers will not only enjoy the journey but also learn something new.**
~~In the past, these types were generally [...] of travel programs be more interest.~~
**Previously, such activities was generally presented by pupils who did study tour. Recently, this kind of practice has became trends for many people event for collegers, workers, and private travelers.** | Ucha MSN | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-vacations-travelers-may-enjoy-time-71386/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hii Alam Baka..
i have no doubt that you are great in writing, but lemme give you some corrections..
~~Now day~~ s, there are kinds of trip which *is provide* (double verb) a learning vacations
Nowadays , there are several kinds of trip which ...
It ~~be~~ is ~~more~~ popula, because it can make ...
From this trip, travelers can ~~hone~~ encourage their creative ...
hone is not strong verb in this topic
However, there are many content*s* which travelers can choose such (...) such as history, ~~phylosophy~~ philosophy, and literature. It provide*s* much advantage*s* than any types ...
pay attention to countable and uncountable noun.
Good job mate!!
Let's go to Pak Dur on Saturday! | Giansy11 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/learning-vacations-travelers-may-enjoy-time-71386/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Over 100 million inhabitans are hoped presenting the firts presidential open debate beetwen Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Most spectators will fulfill the capacity of the place where it will take place. In 1960, the firts debate in television between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon were wtched by 70 million US citizens.
According to kennedy, the debate was the condition to find out and breakthrough. The most valuable issue was a compulsory of televission growth. Nixon was estimated by listeners of radio to be better candidate, who the best candidate for the US Citizens. He regulate a rule of debates when he became candidate again in 1968 and 1972. After that the pattern of the debate this candidates used again in 1976.
Recently, the debate as the center of president campaign. The debates beetwen baragck Obama and Mitt Romney was watched around 67 million spectators and became the most favorite debate in 20 years. If this debate(beetwen Hillary and Trump) is attended by 100 million people, it will be a powerfull viewing figures. | mdamanhuri77 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/record-audience-expected-watch-tonight-71365/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Mdamanhuri
Let me give you some advice
Over 100 million ~~inhabitans~~(citizens) are hoped presenting the firts ...
In 1960, the ~~firts~~(first) debate in television (..) were ~~wtched~~(watched) by 70 million US citizens.
.. was a compulsory of ~~televission~~(television) growth.
He regulate a (set of) rule ~~of~~(on) debates when he became ...
... it will be a ~~powerfull~~(powerful) viewing figures.
Your summary are quite good but many misspelled word
You should double-checked you summary
Thank you... | Yonathan | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/record-audience-expected-watch-tonight-71365/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Over 100 million inhabitans are hoped presenting ...
*this is your sentence. on the article it is written:*
SOME 100m people are expected to tune in to the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump tonight......*i can tell how similar your own sentence with the source. need to learn how to paraphrase more instead of only change some words.*
*again, this is from the article:*The first televised debate, between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon in 1960, was watched by 70m people.*while you wrote:*
In 1960, the firts debate in television between John Kennedy...
According to kennedy*[capitalization issue]*,
the debate was the condition to find out and breakthrough. [*to find out what? incomplete information*]
Nixon was estimated by ~~listeners of radio~~radio listeners to bethe better candidate, who the best candidate for the US Citizens.*despite of repetitively mention the same words, why do not you just write* : ....to be the better candidate for the US citizens
He regulateD a rule of.....
After that[need comma] the pattern of the debate ~~this candidates~~ used again in 1976.
Recently, the debate as the center of president campaign. =no verb | RAY93 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/record-audience-expected-watch-tonight-71365/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Technology is an important factor that affects all countries around the world in many ways, it seems that the conventional skills and ways of living may disappear in the future. In my opinion, I disagree with the opinion expressed because I believe that some traditional ways are still beneficial for us, so they may continue to thrive.
The most important point is that conventional skills are the heritage from ancestor of every country. It is significantly considered to keep the originality of art and culture because they are also part of nation identify. Moreover, most of the people realise that not all activities can give perfect result if they use technology. For instance, "non la" is one of the characteristics of Vietnam, some factories in Vietnam produce "non la" using the machine to make a pattern. The products may be different if "non la" is made by craftsman, people who have painting skill to draw a poem or scenery on "non la". Of course, a handmade product which is made by traditional skills may be more beautiful and have high value than using technology.
Furthermore, the development of technology just supports the conventional experiences instead of eliminating it. What's more, the technology revolution is a huge advantage for traditional skills which can be applied to improve these skills. For illustration, not only using the traditional skill for finding information, reading books, for example, the Internet and digital technology such as cell phone have had a "mostly positive" impact on the United State students' research habits. Additionally, the digital technology makes the communication in social life and business easier such as meeting online and using the social network, Facebook, for example.
In summary, although the technology is increased considerably the valuable traditions still have a special position in people's life in the modern era because it's very useful. I believe that it would not be left by people but also thrive by the evolution of technology. | Harris Lee | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/development-technology-traditional-skills-die-71391/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Wael Ghonim was an anonym who created helped spark the Egyptian revolution in social media. In June 2010, the internet changed his life forever. While browsing facebook, he saw a terrifying photo that it dead body of a young Egyptian guy. He shared in facebook page and called it "We are all Khaled Said". In just three days, the page had over 100,000 people, fellow Egyptians who shared the same concern.
Social media was crucial for this campaign which helped decentralized movement and made people realize that they were not alone for revolution. In Wael Ghonim view, there are five critical challenges facing today's social media. First, we don't know how to deal with rumors. Second, we create our own echo chambers. Third, online discussions quickly descend into mobs. fourth, it is hard to change our opinions, because of the speed and brevity of social media, we are just forced few characters, and the last, our social media experiences are designed in a way that favors broadcasting and posts over discussions. Wael Ghonim said, "If you want to liberate the society, all you need is the Internet." | MFES2016 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-design-social-media-drives-real-change-71379/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi MF! It's my pleasure to share regarding your writing.
... he saw a terrifying photo ~~that it~~of dead body of a ...
Social media was crucial for this campaign which helped decentralized ...
(you also may write :Social media is (fact) crucial for campaigning such issues in order to attract people's movement)
Thank you. | Fitri12 | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-design-social-media-drives-real-change-71379/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi @ MFES2016
Your essay is good. I can see the idea immediately. The information is well presented and I commend you on that. However, there are some issues that I have noticed.
he saw a terrifying photo~~that it~~of a young Egyptian guy'sdead body~~of a young Egyptian guy~~ > This is just a matter of word ordering. Once you familiarize yourself in proper word ordering, making long sentences will be easy for you.
He shareditin facebook
Also, I noticed that there are some word contractions you did like "don't". In formal English writing, it is prohibited to contract words as it makes the composition less formal. So, you have to express it word by word like instead of "don't", make it "do not". Lastly, you should capitalize "Facebook" since it is also a proper noun.
Other than that, your essay is good. I highly appreciate your composition and I hope I can read more of your works. Good luck and keep writing. | wew018 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-design-social-media-drives-real-change-71379/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Vacation is one of something which is many people wants,such as , when they used all the time just looking for money or working by hardworking to survive or rensponsible on the hardlive.Many ways which are used usually by the youth or adults to enjoy their vacation for example,they can learn vacation to go on tourism place or elsewhere,There are some people want to enjoy the vacation by not waste the precious time ,they tend to choose it for learning something as like,they study botany in the rain forest or gaining knowlege .Why,because by studying or learning something can hone the knowledges or skills and even, can more economic the budgets of theirs. | bismillah | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
... which is many people wants~~,such as ,~~ when they used all (...) by hardworking to survive or responsible on thehard live .
... botany in the rain forest or gaining knowledge. ~~knowlege .~~
... or learning something can hone the knowledges or skills and even, can minimize the cost than traditional vacations. ~~more economic the budgets of theirs.~~
@ bismillah | Fatirtalent | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.
1.~~rensponsible~~ ---> responsible
2.~~which are~~ ----> which is or in which
3.results to enjoy their vacation for example-----> do not forget to put your dot after vacation word.
be carreful with your punctuation
4. .Why,because-----> it is make me confuse.Is it question word or statment word?
5. ~~hone~~ improve the knowledges or skills and even, can more ~~economic~~ economically the budgets of theirs. | Dioba | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello Bismillah
I have a twice of advice to you
s many people wants~~,~~ such as ~~,~~ when they used all the time just
your comma are an important to use in your sentence
Many ways ~~which~~ are used usually by the youth or ...
pay attention with using comma and conjunction | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 27, 2016 | 3 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi..
I just want to give some corrections for you..
Vacation is one ~~of something~~ which ~~is~~ many people want~~s~~ , such as,
>> carefully consider about subject and verb..
thanks.. | rizaldohabibie | Sep 27, 2016 | 4 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hai Bismillah
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.
... which is many people want~~s~~~~,such as , w~~**W**hen they use~~d~~ all ~~the~~**their** time ~~just~~**for**~~looking for~~**earning** money or working ~~by hardworking~~ to survive ~~or~~**and**~~rensponsible~~**respon** on the ~~hardlive~~**their hard-life** .
..,they can learn ~~vacation~~**culture in different**~~to go on~~ tourism place ~~or elsewhere~~ ,There are some people want to enjoy the vacation ~~by not~~**without** waste ~~the~~**their** precious time ~~,t~~**T** hey tend to choose it for learning something as **their** like,they study **about**botany in the rain forest or gaining **another**~~knowlege~~**knowledge** .~~Why,~~ because ~~by~~**of** studying or learning something **while vacation time** can ~~hone~~**enrich**~~the knowledges~~**their knowledge** or skills ~~and even, can more economic the budgets of theirs.~~ | rasedasda24 | Sep 27, 2016 | 5 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-learning-vacation-71381/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
How to construct a city where had been collapsed? It is a difficult question to answer, espesially in city which is fall apart of a devastating tragedy like coup d'etat in Egyptian. The accident was destroyed and relieved the spirit of civilization in there. But, there was a native man who had a new conception to develop humanist intention again. Him talk and make a discussion with several people in there. His idea to paint the wall of ruins with full by great number of colors accepted by personage in his city. The surprisingly result, the building covered by Arabic calligraphy that can answer the question. And proved that collaboration between a new idea and effort of local communities can attact the misconception and judgment. | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-project-peace-painted-across-71377/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Let me give you some suggestions:
1. ... espesially in city which ~~is fall~~ (there are 2 verb. You need to eliminate "is or fall" or you can make it into past perfect "had fallen" ) apart of a devastating ...
The accident ~~was~~had destroyed and ...
2. ~~Him~~he~~talk and make~~the event has passed so it has to be Verb 2 "talked and made" a discussion with several ...
His idea to fully paint the wall of ruins ~~with full by~~with great number of colors were accepted by personage in his city. | zul2805_es | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-project-peace-painted-across-71377/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Alamsyah, it's my pleasure to share. Here is my feedback.
How to construct a city where had been collapsed? (maybe you want to say: How to rebuild/reconstruct /reestablish a collapsed city?)
It is a difficult question to answer, espesially in city which is fall apart of a devastating... (what do you mean?)
Please pay attention to the flow of your writing as well as its meaning.
Thank you. | Fitri12 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-project-peace-painted-across-71377/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
**David Letterman Tackles Climate Change**
David Letterman is well-known as Comedian, spread happiness and laughter. After traveling to India with citizens 1.3 billion, he observed regarding world's renewable energy. He was uncared of climate change. Someone uttered that what should we remark when our children found the world get aggravate then say "Daddy, did not you do something to save it? It is his principal basis to start paying attention and institute even in small ways to create more convenience world. In India, he discovered unusual things, people live in cabin and mud homes, breathing coal and kerosene fumes. Then he realized that children live on the floor of a mud are the same as losing their human rights. The children who usually full of funny and happy should deal with uncomfortable conditions. Therefore, he is eager to dedicate his whole life to support overcoming climate change problems and say "yes, I did". | Fatirtalent | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-david-letterman-tackles-climate-change-71378/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
hi..
i have some comments for you..
David Letterman is well-known as Comedian, ~~spread~~[spreading] happiness and laughter. After traveling to India with ~~citizens~~ 1.3 billion [citizens] ,
thanks..
I hope it helps.. | rizaldohabibie | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-david-letterman-tackles-climate-change-71378/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Old power is like currency and new power works like a currency .New power is not held by few ,it is made by many.New power is not facebook page ,inherently positive and invetable victor, for exmple,in fact, this is not normative argument that we are making,there are many good things about new power but,it can produce bad outcomes,more participation ,more peer coordination, and unsprisingly,as many of these new power models get to scale.
The interested of new power is the way it feeds on itself.Once you have an experience of new power,you tend to expect and want more of it.And so,the experience tends to embolden you and it tends to make you want more participation across more aspects of your life.
New power can give the values and what new power values look like ,it is such as new power values prize tranparency above all else. | bismillah | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-new-power-like-currency-71380/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Dear Salam
You've done well. but there are several inputs.
1. The ~~interested~~ interesting of new power is the way to know itself. ~~it feeds on itself.~~
2. ... you want it more and more without any limitation. ~~you tend to expect and want more of it.~~
3. the experience tends to embolden you and it tends to make you want more participation across more aspects of your life.
good job..... | Fatirtalent | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/summary-month-new-power-like-currency-71380/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
In the 11th century, England had responsible twice invasions which changed the nation. This country has more adequately invader. It defeated two conquests in the site only 50 years which impact on culture, politics, law and language because Danish conquest in 1016.
After thirty years, all area surrounded by Scandinavian overhand by England. Denmark people ruled belong Svein while Cnut and an England kingdom separated between King Elthered and his young prince Edmund. Over time England has not be able to maintain among 6 months of class against Cnut's armies whereas it did not have planned final victory for Cnuts at Essex in eightieth century. Soon after after Edmund passed away six weeks later, Danish-Norman dynasty become formed.
The last story, even Cnuts has not the first Danish King in the UK but he founded more less impact in the English kings. Further his generations were responsible by the epochal situation of year 1066 become history and collective memory in England people. | PHA2016 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/history-england-conquest-71372/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hello PHA2016
i have an advice to you
all area(s) surrounded by Scandinavian ...
**...you shoud s in area, because there are *all* before area** | Alamsyah Ismail | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/history-england-conquest-71372/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Hi Pha, the followings are my humble comments
In the 11th century, England had responsible twice invasions which changed the nation. (this sentence is confusing, what is your objective?)
Please pay attention to the meaning of your sentences and flow of your paragraphs.
After thirty years, all area surrounded by ... ( maybe you want to say: After thirty years, all area(s) surrounded by Scandinavian (passive: were overhanded) by England)
Thank you. | Fitri12 | Sep 27, 2016 | 2 | https://essayforum.com/writing/history-england-conquest-71372/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
During an economic crisis, many animals in Venezuela's Caricuao Zoo, for instance rabbits, tapirs and birds undergo starving since the administrator of the zoo faces the financial problem to buy animal's food. The decline of oil price is considered as a factor causing economic downturn, thus the country may not supply the basic needs and other necessity including animal's food. The zoo's worker have been feeding lions, tigers and elephants with fruits. In the long term, this situation will affect negatively to animal's health , while it is able to impact on psychology at the short time. In may, three animals died causing others are moved from Paraguana Peninsula to a park in Merida. In fact, the condition is not only in Venezuala but also in other countries and has been becoming global problem. In march, 200 animals died in the Khan Younis zoo in southern Gaza because of the lack of feed as the result of the war between Palestine and Israel. In addition, the Taiz zoo in Yemen also experiences the same circumstance. | Aris05 | Sep 27, 2016 | 0 | https://essayforum.com/writing/animals-starving-venezuela-zoos-71373/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |
Dear Aris
You've done well, i adore the way of your writing. But, there are several inputs for me.
1. please pay attention with your tense, i think since your are describe the past phenomenon, you need to use past simple on your note.
2. kindly look at your plural or singular word, don't forget to put "s" if it is singular.
During an ~~economic crisis~~**financial crisis**, many animals in (...), tapirs and birds ~~undergo~~**underwent** starving since the administrator of the zoo ~~faces~~**faced** the financial problem**s** to buy animal's food.
The decline of oil price ~~is~~**was** considered as a **principal** factor ~~causing~~**caused** economic **was** downturn, thus the country ...
The zoo's worker**s** have been feeding lions ...
.., while it is able to impact on**animal**psychology at the short time. | Fatirtalent | Sep 27, 2016 | 1 | https://essayforum.com/writing/animals-starving-venezuela-zoos-71373/ | essayforum.com_writing_ |