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My wife, "Mary" (37F) has long been a bit of a germophobe (her description), but since she and I (37M) had a son, "Little Fred" about a year ago, it's been much more visible. One specific place it flairs up is in the kitchen. The use of the sink has a few disagreements, but one yesterday was around hand washing dishes. Mary'd prefer everything go through the dishwasher, but does acknowledge that certain things (wooden cutting boards, oversized items, very stubborn pots) may need to be hand washed. There are others (knives, pans, baking mats) that I think should be hand washed as default, but I've given in. For this, we used to have a sponge and paper towels by the sink. When Little Fred was born, she professed that she always disliked that sponges harbor bacteria and replaced them with single-use sponges and a brush (for more stubborn things). I didn't have the same misgivings, but sure, sponges can be gross and so I thanked her for setting that up. Well, yesterday, I was cleaning Little Fred's high chair tray with the brush and soap. Mary noticed and kept repeating that "he eats off that, do I even think about cleanliness"? She asked a question that I didn't hear, decided my lack of responce was an admission of guilt, and told me that "I never had to or could clean dishes again". I wouldn't stop cleaning until I heard the question, but after I few minutes, I found out the question was, "did you clean the pot used to cook tonight with the brush?" Now, the brush is explicitly for cleaning dishes and hasn't been used for anything else, but apparently it's only acceptable for a first scrub, and a sponge or paper towel has to follow. So, Reddit, IATA?

hemlockone

AITA for using a kitchen brush

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186n4pe/aita_for_using_a_kitchen_brush/

186n4pe

I (20F) got angry at my date (20M) at my own birthday dinner. I planned the day for almost a month, I prepared everything, I dressed-up nicely and I kinda used a lot of money to pay and reserve the dinner. He was my ex, but now he's simply a close friend of mine. I had promised to take him out to dinner when I have my birthday so I was just fulfilling that promise. ​ The eventful day is actually a very busy day. There were many sudden stuff we had to take care off during the day, some meetings, some schoolwork, and some problems here and there. To me, I just go on and walk through all those work so I can enjoy the planned happy dinner at night. But for him, it might not be the case. When we were going to the restaurant, he asked for a photo with me and I obliged. He immediately posted that picture and he got many replies of people asking about us. He was so focused on replying that he barely talked to me and just have his hands on his phone all the way until we arrived. We sat down, ordered some beverages and extra food then he asked for another picture. I let him took more pictures of us, of the ambience, and some aesthetic photos of stuff. I started talking to him, but his focus and eyes are still on the phone. I barely get any replies from what I was saying, and it annoyed me. Long story short, for the whole 13-course dinner, he is replying and chatting away. He didnt even comment about how I look or anything about the place I reserved during the course. He barely comment on the food I had paid for, and just straight up ignoring me. After dinner, his battery was starting to get low so he started commenting about what he should've commented during the 13-course. He also talked about how his friends didnt recognize me and how they wish we have a wonderful dinner. That was the only talk we had, as when on our way back, he's back to chatting. ​ After we went back home, he called me to chat. I was a bit angry and I kinda confronted him about his behavior. I told him that I wanted to have some talks during dinner, some stories about what happened during that stressful day or maybe a funny story that happened long ago. He retaliated saying that he was super stressed and didnt touched his phone for 3 whole hours during his work. I didnt take that excuse and was annoyed because I felt like this dinner I had planned is only being used to show-off on his social media. He called me a freak, crazy girl for my behavior and we barely talked ever since. Am I the Asshole?

OkVisit5390

AITA for getting angry at my own birthday dinner and ruined the mood for my date?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nd83/aita_for_getting_angry_at_my_own_birthday_dinner/

186nd83

I am my 30s and getting married in 6 months. I’ve already decided that I won’t be friends with this person anymore after my wedding (if they even come) because of what has happened the last few months. We have been friends 7 years. Extremely close, traveled together, family trips, talked daily. When I got engaged I of course knew she would be a bridesmaid. We’ve talked about my wedding plans regularly, talked and planned about my bachelorette trip at length etc. Once I picked my bachelorette destination, she said she would be able to make it a work trip and she did do that, so her plane tickets were fully covered by work. During that year this friend began to date someone who also recently dated another one of our close friends. I was not super supportive of this because I knew it would ruin the friendship and cause a rift in our friend group but I still maintained a friendship with both girls. I hoped they would be able to be friends again because this guy is so not worth losing a friend over. I didn’t have to wait long for that to be the correct assessment, 6 weeks into dating she catches him cheating ( she gets a DM about a weekend sex trip and I love you texts with receipts from the girl). But then long story short on this part, 4 months later she decides to move states and sign a lease with him. Fast forward, I got dinner with her and the guy before their moving in weekend. She really wanted me to “get to know him” because she says they are in love. The dinner was a bit awkward of course because he knows I’m not a big fan of him but we talked about his life, my life, and his dreams for the future etc for almost 3 hours. The day after dinner she texts asking how I think it went. I say good, what about you? She says she felt it was awkward and I was “interviewing” him too much. I said I was sorry and let’s talk on the phone if you’re upset about this. She said okay but then never called or brought it up again. 4 months go by, and in that time she and I fully normal, talking daily and still making plans for my bachelorette. She never brings up feeling bad about the dinner again to me. So fast forward it’s 2 weeks until my bachelorette. She calls to say she can’t come anymore. First she says it’s because the work trip changed by 2 days, then says well actually she’s just got too much going on with this new relationship and all the trips they’ve planned together and she doesn’t really want to put in extra effort to go. She also says she’s still upset about the dinner and also doesn’t want to face our other friend who used to date him. She also doesn’t think she should have to pay her share of the hotel we booked as a group. I don’t know how I’ll ever feel close to her again which is why I’ve decided we won’t l be friends after my wedding.

toohungrytofakeit

WIBTA if I tell someone I don’t want to stay friends with to come as a wedding guest and not a bridesmaid to my wedding

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nk95/wibta_if_i_tell_someone_i_dont_want_to_stay/

186nk95

My husband and I have been renting our home from my mom for the past three years. This arrangement was initiated by my mom when my husband and I were residing in a two-bedroom apartment. She suggested it as she didn't need a large empty house and occupied the finished basement. During my childhood, my grandma used to host Christmas Eve, and when she passed away, my mom took over the tradition. The last time we gathered for Christmas Eve was in 2019, just before the pandemic, and my mom was still living in the house. Fast forward to 2023, it had been three years since my mom hosted a Christmas Eve party. COVID played a part, but also, many families now have their own young children and prefer to establish their own traditions with immediate family members. With two children of my own, aged 2 and 4, I decided to host Christmas Eve, aiming for a small gathering focused on the kids. I invited my brother, his wife, who has two small children, and both my dad and stepmom, along with my mom. However, things took a turn when my mom asked if her cousin, two sons, their girlfriends, and her husband could join us for Christmas Eve. Politely, I declined for several reasons. Firstly, I wanted to keep the event small. Secondly, our dining room serves as a playroom, lacking sufficient space for six additional people. Lastly, my brother's baby would only be two weeks old, and they wanted to limit the baby's exposure. Despite my polite refusal, my mom didn't convey this to her cousin, thinking she could convince me otherwise. Her cousin then reached out to me, and despite our previously good relationship, things took a turn. She asked if she and her family could join, offering to host and cover all expenses. Politely, I declined again, restating that there is limited space and the desire to focus on the kids. However, she continued to insist that she and her family come, attempting to change my mind. Stating that she already told her sons and their girlfriends they would be coming to our house for Christmas Eve. After my final refusal, she complained to my mom, portraying me as rude. (Edit: She also stated that it’s my mom’s house and she is the one who should be making the decision of who can come.) Now she’s telling me I ruined her Christmas Eve because her son’s girlfriends want to spend it with their families. In this situation, do you think I'm in the wrong?

Alchemistspure72

AITA for keep my Christmas Eve party small?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nkj4/aita_for_keep_my_christmas_eve_party_small/

186nkj4

I (19f) am a sophomore in college. Currently in the dorms with one roommate, Stacy. Stacy and I didn’t know each other prior to moving into the dorm but are cordial and get along well. Cue to the problem. I have a long distance boyfriend. He lives a little over 3 hours away at the moment. I asked my roommate a month in advance if it was okay that he come and visit for a weekend and stay in the dorm as we don’t have elsewhere to go. She was fine with it and planned to go to her parents that weekend. He took off of work as did I, and three days before my boyfriend was supposed to come, I got a text from Stacy that she didn’t want to go to her parents anymore as her toddler niece would be there and she didn’t want to deal with her. She wanted him to cancel his trip. I told her he would still be coming, we took off of work for this weekend and it’ll be the first time in months that we would get the chance to see each other. To which she never responded. That weekend she didn’t come back to the dorm at all. Now things we share that she owns she doesn’t want to share anymore (which is her right and I’m fine with it) and she isn’t talking to me at all. AITA

because-throw

AITA for having my long distance boyfriend over?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nnvb/aita_for_having_my_long_distance_boyfriend_over/

186nnvb

My (30F) older in age co-worker (55+) "friend" is having a big birthday coming up and came to me with my invite at work. Just me, her and one other friend and her daughter.. It's kinda an excursion as it's a few hours away but the event is awesome. I was super excited and said yes. Later at break we were all sitting around when it was slipped that this coworker "friend" had asked 3 other co-workers all 3x her junior first.. all of whom denied the invite before she even asked me. There are other instances that make me feel like I'm a last resort and not really her friend like she swears i am. I have absolutely no outside of work life with her. No texting except holidays, no invites for hang outs... nothing. But she has an extensive off work life with these other 20 year olds that have come out in conversation here and there. I have tried on my own, but gave up after it because apparent it wouldn't be reciprocated honestly. Idk. I just. I want to turn around and cancel my spot in her plans because I feel like a total last resort pick. My friend points out that I'm a "work friend" which is a valid friend so really the invite is worthy of attending because it'll be so much fun. She said that if I cancel, ill have to explain why it'll create a rift that will make me even more undesirable to know. She said to just go and enjoy myself. But I don't want to be somewhere with people I'm only invited to because her first choices said no. AITA?

MadamMyztery

AITA for backing out of my friends birthday party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nofq/aita_for_backing_out_of_my_friends_birthday_party/

186nofq

Hey Reddit, I (24F) am getting married in a few months, and I've been having some family drama regarding my choice of bridesmaids. My cousin (26F), let's call her Sarah, has been pestering me to be a bridesmaid ever since I got engaged. However, I've decided not to include her in my bridal party, and now it's causing quite an uproar in the family. Here's some background: When I was 19, I became a single mom unexpectedly. It was a challenging time, and I had to navigate parenthood while juggling college and work. Sarah wasn't supportive at all and made hurtful comments about my situation, shaming me for being a young single mom. Her words were harsh and deeply affected me during a vulnerable period of my life. And it really hurt me as I considered her as an older sister. I had 3 amazing friends around me all the time helping with expenses, babysitting, taking me out etc. and one of those friends is now my fiance. Fast forward to now. I'm happily engaged to an amazing partner, planning my wedding, and trying to mend relationships within my family. Sarah recently approached me, assuming she'd be a bridesmaid, and I had to break the news that I had already chosen my bridal party. She was furious and demanded an explanation. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the real reason: her hurtful comments from the past. Instead, I just mentioned that I had already made commitments to other friends and family members. Sarah hasn't taken this well and has been telling everyone in the family that I'm excluding her for no reason, painting me as the bad guy. My family is now insisting that I quiet the drama by just including her but I don't want to, she knows I am planning a week-long trip with my bridesmaids who are just my two friends ( fiance doing the same with his boys) and I feel it's the only reason she actually approached me again when I told my aunt this she called me an asshole saying that Sarah was family and deserved more than my friends So am I the asshole for not wanting Sarah as a bridesmaid due to her past behavior, even though it's causing family tension? Or should I just give in to keep the peace? ​ Edit with a bit of an update: I just learned from our special wedding group chat ( me, my fiance, his groomsmen, and my bridesmaids) that one of the groomsmen who was not aware of the situation spoke to my cousin before she came to me and told her about all the special things we planned such as the vacation, the special party after the ceremony and big family party and also the expensive gifts my fiance and I gave our friends and direct families. more info: the special party would take place the night of the wedding, me and fiance, as well as the whole group, are very very very nerdy, geeky, call it what you want but we are the cliche of the Big bang theory boys, so I always planned that after everything official and normal we would stay in the venue, lose the dresses and tuxes, get in pajamas and play DND, video games, anime songs karaoke

Realistic_Radish9289

AITA for Not Wanting My Cousin as a Bridesmaid?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nt5h/aita_for_not_wanting_my_cousin_as_a_bridesmaid/

186nt5h

He is ditching our friends trip which we had scheduled a long time ago to go on the exact place and plan with his girlfriend and other friends and not inviting us. He is totally blowing us off at the last moment . And he had the audacity to ask me to reschedule so I exploded. He is being totally inconsiderate and this was supposed to be our first big trip before graduation. P.S - He also was the reason to cancel our previous trip which he went on anyways without us .

TestyToad

AITA for shouting and screaming at my best friend and ignoring him?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ntel/aita_for_shouting_and_screaming_at_my_best_friend/

186ntel

Me and my husband are separated and had adopted two dogs while together. While we were together, most of the dog related responsibilities were taken care of by me with him pitching in 20% of the time. I used to get resentful towards my ex especially on days when I get my periods cause they are very painful when he was not even pitching in 50%. Post separation, I have stayed with the dogs in the same house while my ex moved out, he lives an hour away now. My ex said that I don't get to keep both dogs all the time and that we can split them up between us (1 dog for 1 person). I said that will never happen as I want them to be together. His second option was I keep the dogs for 2 months and then he keeps them for 2months. This sounded fair enough, and I agreed. He took the dogs to his home but dropped them back within 2 weeks as his cousin was visiting and was scared of dogs. After he dropped the dogs off, they have been with me (1.5 months). I live alone and don't have any family with me, which means that I have to plan for their boarding in case I'm travelling for work / pleasure. I prefer boarding as my ex is impulsive with travel & I don't feel I can count on him. I only had two trips planned for this year, one for a friend's wedding for 2 days and to visit my parents for 1 week , both of these I informed him about. He made no mention of picking up the dogs during this time period , also mentioned he may come to the same wedding as he was also invited, so I boarded the dogs and left for the wedding. On the day of the wedding , he messages me and asks why i boarded the dogs instead of asking him for help since he did not attend the wedding. He called me egoistic and selfish about the dogs and not concerned about their comfort. I tried to explain but he was not ready to listen, so I decided to ignore him. I came for the wedding of my friend and did not want to mope. So, I feel like the months I have the dogs, I get to decide their boarding if I'm travelling and the months my ex has them, he gets to decide in case he is traveling. I do not want to by default depend on my ex cause whenever I meet (primarily for the dogs), I get triggered, have focus issues for rest of the day, and cannot sleep due to anxiety. He also wants to dissect why our relationship did not work whenever he meets and i no longer want to discuss it. The ship has sailed and I don't want to relive it every single time we meet. So AITA?

onestepatatime7

AITA for boarding my dogs at their regular boarding place instead of sending them to my ex during my trip.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186nzgv/aita_for_boarding_my_dogs_at_their_regular/

186nzgv

Boyfriend and I live together. When he first started staying with me, our work schedules allowed us to be wake up and go to bed together every night. I knew that before he started staying with me that it was difficult for him to get up in the mornings, but since I was waking up with him it was a non-issue. Now, he works 0630-1500, and I work 2000-0800. If I’m home in the morning I wake him up, but obviously if I’m still at work I cannot physically be there to wake him up. Since my work schedule flipped, he has been chronically late for work. Bought an alarm clock for additional reinforcement, first time using it today and he’s not up. It’s 0709. I could call him 30+ times and he still doesn’t budge. At first I tried to be forgiving about it because he has ADHD and is unmedicated, but at this point I’m just pissed off. I’ve only ever been late to work once in my life, so it’s hard for me to understand. He says he’s working on it but I just don’t see how he is. None of his habits have changed. He stays up late playing video games a lot, but even when he goes to bed at a reasonable hour he still can’t get himself up. He gets pissed off at himself that he can’t get up, so it’s not like he doesn’t see the problem or want to correct it. I get kind of annoyed when he’s home when I get home if it’s not his day off too because I just want to go to bed, not necessarily sit there and wake him up and wait until he leaves to go to sleep (we live in a studio apartment so sleeping is impossible when he’s rustling around getting ready.) I don’t know. I feel like I’m parenting him. I love him to death but he knows (because I’ve had this conversation with him) that this is getting on my nerves. I’ve already explained to him that 1) I won’t be helping with his bills or his share of our bills if he loses his job and 2) if he wants to really be with me for the rest of our lives, that he needs to get his shit together. AITA for being pissed off? How do I navigate this while helping him knowing it’s most likely an ADHD issue and not a work ethic issue?

WormGod69

AITA for being mad at my (20f) boyfriend (21m) always being late for work?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186o3ba/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_20f_boyfriend_21m_always/

186o3ba

My only sister (30 f) is thankfully coming home from the other side of the world for Christmas week. I (23 f), am only able to be home with her and my parents who are retired for three days as I was denied time off work and I live over an hour away. However, I am also off on the 23rd which is when she arrives. The airport is an hour away from me but two from them so it makes the most sense fuel wise for me to pick her up. I just know that this will be more or less the only one on one time I’ll get with her so it’s important to me. My parents are trying to discourage me by saying it’s a long drive up and down (even though it’s not much longer than the drive I make regularly to visit them) and that finding parking will be difficult (this might be true given the time of year but it’s a relatively quiet airport and the same would be true for them) since I only got my license this year. I’m not going to budge but am I being selfish?

g2k00

AITA for wanting to pick my sister up from the airport

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186o556/aita_for_wanting_to_pick_my_sister_up_from_the/

186o556

`I (18F) have been wanting a wheelchair for more than 2 years. When I was born my hips were misplaced and I had to go to physio for the first 10 years of my life. Walking hurts a lot and I have talked to doctors about this, they have taken some X-rays and said nothing was wrong. I can walk normally and I don't limp, it's just very painful after some time of walking. Before I had an electric scooter that my mother bought me to accompany her on her walks. These types of scooters are not allowed in the supermarkets so I had to walk and carry the scooter which was even worse so I've stopped using it. Today I asked my (17M) boyfriend if he could help me buy one as they're a bit expensive. Money is not the problem here we both work and have enough to afford one. He told me no as it wasn't allowed. I did some research and it said it was okay for me to buy one, but he insisted saying that it was wrong and I could walk and didn't need it. I tried to explain the pain I was in. he said I was in the wrong for wanting something that people wanna get rid of and that wheelchairs are meant for people who can't walk at all. Am I the AH? I think I might be as I can walk and it would be disrespectful to others`

Inside-Librarian8329

WIBTA if I buy a wheelchair?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186o57z/wibta_if_i_buy_a_wheelchair/

186o57z

I have some kind of digestive issue n have been going through extensive testing with a GI to figure out what it is. When it flares up I'm getting sick every couple minutes for hours from when I wake up (between 4-7am) until sometimes as late as 3pm. On days without flare ups I still have near constant nausea n have to be very careful what I eat to not trigger a flare up. Eggs is a trigger food most days. Right now my partner n I live with his dad n stepmom. This is one of many boundaries not being respected by them. MIL has, multiple times now, randomly made me eggs gor breakfast when she wanted eggs, despite me telling her I can't eat for the first few hours in the morning on a good day, that I don't want eggs 95% of the time n when I do it's in a very specific way (made in ramen), and that I prefer to just make my own food. Red meat and fat are also trigger foods, and almost every time MIL cooks I get a flare up when I go to eat it. She makes everything with fat no matter how many times I explain it to her. I hate wasting food, so I get very frustrated when I'm handed food I didn't want then have to decide whether I'm going to a) waste food which I hate, b) get sick for the day, or c) being told I'm arguing if I say anything about it...I feel like this is a weird situation to be stuck in so I need some help here, AITA for getting irritated with being made breakfast I can't eat multiple times? Edit: thank you for the quick responses. Some extra info/clarification. I don't make myself eat all of what she makes, just a couple bites so at the very least she can't say I didn't even try. This woman takes everything to level 11 immediately. If I say anything that goes against what she thinks, even just talking about my own experiences with no comments towards hers, she yells at full volume and says I'm arguing. Because of some PTSD issues I have a hard time dealing with people yelling and shut down when it happens, but I have a 10 month old to take care of so I can't go into that mode without being lesser for her, so avoiding that potential conflict is more important to me than probably it would be to most. Thank you again for the responses, even the ones that say I suck too, I appreciate the feedback and understand how my attempts to eat the food make it unclear for SMIL.

DamienTheDM

AITA for getting mad at being made breakfast?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186oetn/aita_for_getting_mad_at_being_made_breakfast/

186oetn

Two years ago, I(F49) found out that two teenagers (both newly 18 by a week or so at that time) that my husband (M53) and I had gotten to know were living in their car. We have an in law suite in our house that wasn't being used and I couldn't in good conscious let those kids keep sleeping rough knowing I had the room for them. They moved in and we're a family now. My husband and I never had kids of our own so these two are our kids now. They're incredible. We love them dearly and spoil them rotten. Both kids were discarded by their bio families because they are LGBTQIA. Both were born biologically female but one (J) is transitioning to male and the other (B) is nonbinary. They're together romantically. My sister (59F) lives in another city about three hours away. When she would come to visit, she would stay in the in law suite so I let her know that she would need to stay upstairs in the guest room instead of in the suite. She asked why. I told her the story of J and B. My sister didn't visit when she said she would so I called her up to check in. She proceeded to tell me that she felt that I had let demons into my home willingly and that by letting the kids live here ... I was sinning. I told her that I accepted that she could have that opinion, but what I did in my home was my business and since she had not met the kids ... she had no right to call them demons. They're amazing humans. So, for two years now, she's been sending me sermons and preaching at me. My husband and I skipped Thanksgiving to avoid her because last year was AWFUL with her sermons. I called and told my gathered family Happy Thanksgiving and sent my love but that was it. She was there and knew I was fine. THEN ... the police come knocking at my door as we sit down to eat Thanksgiving dinner with the now 20 year olds. My crazy sister had called them for a welfare check and made it seem like I was being held hostage by people in my house. The cops came in all aggressive and demanded to search my house (for what!?!) and then sat me down in a separate room and grilled me about why I'd let strangers live in my house, were they harming me or holding stuff over my head, was my husband abusing me, could they see my arms for bruises, etc ... I was so traumatized by how we were all treated that I called my sister and told her I'm filing a restraining order and want no further contact with her. This is TOO FAR. She knew I was fine. She knows that no one is harming me. AITA? ​

EdenCapwell

AITA for telling my sister I am going to get a restraining order?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ofa2/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_am_going_to_get_a/

186ofa2

So I (27f) have finished up my last year of uni and for an elective, I decided to take a Classics course on Roman Neumotechnics and Oration (interesting subject I know). This course is an advanced classics course I’ll add, so the standards are very very high. For context I have been at uni getting my undergrad for 8 years (life got well in the way and I had to put study on pause for a while). I think I did pretty well in the first assessment but my lecturers thought otherwise. I didn’t even get 60/100 for the first minor piece. Ok fair enough, I’ll try harder next time. I admit the next piece of assessment I misread and misunderstood so I ended up with a mediocre 57/100. Ok I accepted that, it was my fault I misread what the assessment was entailing. I worked for 2 weeks researching before the final assessment which was a 3000 word essay worth 40% of the grade. I put my all into that damn essay, I used the school essay writing guide and followed it to the letter, I had amazing picture and literary sources and plenty of quotes from ancient and modern writers that perfectly attested to my argument. I spent hours painstakingly planning, writing, rewriting and editing before submission. I was sure I’d get at least a 65 this time. I got the results and I was crushed. 59, so not even 60. I was so upset that I cried for hours. I had worked so so hard on this one and it felt like I was a hamster running in a ball, giving it my all and getting nowhere. I was so upset that I emailed my professors and asked them if there was any chance they had made a mistake and to please reconsider my grade and I believed it answered the question perfectly. I added in my original email “With all due respect (professor) I simply must insist that you reconsider this grade.” I feel I was respectful but firm. The professor wrote back saying that they will not be reassessing my grade and that the email was rude, demanding and disrespectful. They reintegrated the points I had lost marks on and went on a massive passive aggressive rant about how they had been marking essays for 15 years and to give them a bit of credit. They also insinuated that I wouldn’t do well in life if I was this demanding and rude in my personal life. I was so shocked that I never responded. I didn’t mean to be insulting, I was just asking what I did wrong. I even asked them to attach an anonymous student essay from that class that did get high marks, a request they ignored. My husband is sympathetic and supportive saying that I have nothing to worry about because I will pass and graduate anyway on the 12th but was I really an asshole? Should I have just accepted the mark and not contested it at all?

LordDessik

AITA for “demanding” that my Professor fix my grade?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186oina/aita_for_demanding_that_my_professor_fix_my_grade/

186oina

My brother Frank (40m) was widowered 6 years ago. Two years ago he got remarried to Emily (38f). Frank has three children with his first wife. Ava (14f), Noa (13f) and Harley (10m). Emily also has a son (9m) and a stepdaughter from her ex-husband who she has custody of (12f). Frank and Emily started dating just before the pandemic hit. The kids were not aware of the fact Frank was dating. He told them two months before the wedding. It was a month later he announced he was getting married and Emily and her kids were moving in. Frank's kids have adapted worse than Emily's kids. The kids have refused to take part in family activities, are distant and cold with Emily and her kids and have yelled at my brother multiple times, accusing him of replacing their mom and saying fuck Emily, they don't care about Emily, they don't want Emily, etc. Frank, Emily, Ava, Noa and Harley have started attending family counseling (7ish months or so now). They have seen three therapists thus far because the kids would "sit and sulk" per Frank's own words and would not open up or engage and each time the therapist ends up just talking to Frank and Emily. Frank started to complain about how mad the kids are at him. He said they were selfish for expecting him to stay single for the rest of his life. He said he's tired of them making no effort to make the blended family work. He said he hates how they work against it and he hates how people treat him like he made a mistake when he remarried. He wanted to know if he wasn't entitled to his happiness, etc. I listened to him vent countless times. Last time he told me he felt I had something to say and I should just say it. I told him his mistake was never in remarrying, but in how he did it. He only told the kids he was dating two months prior to his wedding, told them a month later he was getting married and three people were moving in and then married in that two month timeline when everything was still very new and strange to them. I told him most kids will struggle with the idea of their parent moving on after divorce or the death of their parent. That's why people usually spend years dating and getting the kids adjusted so they have time to process and work through their feelings, to work through the fresh wave of grief that hearing news like that would bring. I said dating and letting everyone get to know each other over a period of time and helping the kids through is the best way to make a blended family. He got mad at me and told me he shouldn't have to adjust his timeline for anyone, not even his kids. I asked him how he'd feel to hear dad is dating someone (30 years after our mom died). He told me there is no way dad would do that and fuck me for even suggesting it. I told him so he'd have a problem with it but can't understand his kids having a problem with him doing it. He told me it's not the same and he's not judging dad but I'm judging him and that makes me an asshole. AITA?

Due-Fan-9915

AITA for telling my brother his mistake wasn't in remarrying but in how he handled the process?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ot4f/aita_for_telling_my_brother_his_mistake_wasnt_in/

186ot4f

So I 23 live in a flat share situation. It use to be a small bnb hotel situation above a pub. So there’s rooms on every floor one kitchen and a bathroom on every floor. There’s a few flats as well. Very student digs vibe. So the flat is mostly fine the ppl are decent and the only issue and drama is ppls mess. Mostly in the kitchen. Little while ago I have a conversation with my land lord and he says there buckling down on house stuff so to just complain on the group chat about every little issue. Okay cool. I do my part like normal. I always clean up after myself. Change the bins every now and then. I’m constantly whipping the serfaces after ppl mess. I do my part. But I don’t clean up other ppls mess like everyone else. Last night I was met with a blocked disgusting sink. Then this morning it had gone down but the person who caused it hadn’t cleaned the sink down after. It was grimm. Ppl have stoped washing the dishes or sink that are left that isn’t there mess and started throwing stuff. It’s gotten to that point which is fair. The kitchens been very decent and normal lately. But when I saw that mess I complained on the group chat. (Not to long ago I also complained about the sink which had dried cooked oil all over it and left.) both times this one flat mate has called me out on it saying it’s really unnessesery to complain about small things when I wasn’t the one to deal with it. He responded on the group chat calling me out saying I’m being unfair and implying I’ve left other mess and basically accusing me and asking when the last time I cleaned was ect. He hasn’t singled anyone else out who complains about things. It’s created a uncomfortable confrontational environment where I’m anxious to complain or go into the kitchen at sertion times. Am I being unreasonable to think I can complain. And it not turn into confrontation. I’m Litrely doing what I’ve been told to do. Is he being a dick by being rude and picking on me only when I complain. Or am I being unfair for bringing it up.

Clover-pet

AITAH for complaining about my messy flat

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186otpg/aitah_for_complaining_about_my_messy_flat/

186otpg

Several years ago my, 24F, brother was not in a good place so my parents decided to make him do a expensive grad program by paying fully to help boost him, which was very nice. Unfortunate it didn’t work very well but oh well. Later on I asked about doing grad school myself and ask them if they would pay for it as well and they said yes. So I got into a grad program with fees a little lesser than him. Now my parents have always ask me about my savings and if I would try to say oh around so and so they would be like nooo tell us the exact amount we feel happy for you. So me being naive I started telling the exact amount. Now that I got into the grad program my parents are saying use the savings as an investment towards my degree and they will help me a little. At first I said yeah sure since I don’t want my parents to be burdened by so much money as they are at their retirement age. But the more I think about it the more I feel this will set me back in my future after grad school especially if I don’t get a job right away. Should I tell my parents I still want them to pay? Am I being selfish and not everything has to be equal between siblings

ohwell140

AITA? Parents have different set of agreements with siblings

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ov98/aita_parents_have_different_set_of_agreements/

186ov98

I know it sounds like i’m a total asshole, but honestly I don’t know what to do. I currently have a mate staying with me for a month or two so I can help them get back on their feet however since they’ve been staying, they’re constantly gaming all day from when they wake up to atleast 3-4am the next morning (also to the point where their Playstation is overheating and they keep an ice pack on it while it’s on and plugged in) Ontop of that using the wifi which is completely bugging all my other housemates devices out and we can’t really use it which resorts to us using our own data. In saying that this person is contributing a little bit towards rent but that’s really it. We get our electricity bill tri-monthly so they won’t be here when we get the next one. Would I be an asshole if I were to ask if they could cut their usage down? And if not- how could i go about having that conversation because I’m at the point where I’m stressing a lot about our next bill and they’ve been here for just under a month already.

justjados

WIBTA if I were to ask a friend who is staying with me to try and down their electricity/wifi usage?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186p0gp/wibta_if_i_were_to_ask_a_friend_who_is_staying/

186p0gp

I (46M) live in the UK and am a driving instructor and operate my own driving school. It is a small business, and I am the only driver. Because of this, I cannot take all the students who inquire about lessons and I select those I want. I have previously taught my friend´s son to drive as a favour for free and he passed the test. However now my friend asked me to teach his daughter and I refused to do so even when he offered to pay. This is because I am a practicing muslim and in my faith this would be haram to interact with the opposite sex in such a manner. My friend is also muslim but he is not informed as his family does not practice much. He did not understand and called me an AH but I feel like he should understand my perspective as he does have extended family that are practicing. Blatantly doing something haram could get me into a lot of trouble, I live with my parents and they would have a heart attack if they knew. My parents are also trying to find me a new wife from their home country after mine left me and my kids have cut me of. My parents would never help me if I did something like this.

aitalessons

AITA for refusing to teach my friend's daughter how to drive.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186p9ug/aita_for_refusing_to_teach_my_friends_daughter/

186p9ug

I have this friend that we met online. We live several thousand miles away. I was originally going to meet them in 2021 for many reasons I had not had the chance to visit them until now. Keep in mind although they could have visited me they didn’t have enough money to come as my country is very expensive. Anyway I had an opportunity to visit them and their country with a month notice. I had asked them 10 days before if they could get me an eSIM or something similar. Because my phone company assured me they could get internet access but looked up that their service was horrible there. They assured me they could. Also ask if they can trade me local currency because the airport rate is horrible(loose considerable value). Besides that everything I had prepaid. I arrive and there family picks me up. They are so kind and wonderful. They drop us off and I leave my stuff at my airbnb. Then proceed to go to their place to drop off an expensive electronic they paid for but I brought for them. We go back to my place and I ask them if it’s possible to take a quick shower as I have spend 17+ hours on traveling to get there. They say they don’t mind and afterwards we go explore their city and grab a bite to eat. That night we ate near their home and they began to say they are tired. Then we are on a busy intersection close to there home said oh your airbnb is a couple blocks away. Just turn on blank street and go straight. As I suspected my internet was so bad my airbnb app could even open let alone Uber. I had to walk almost 2 miles to get to my place. Before I left I reassured them I’m fine traveling on my own as long as I have local currency and internet. I like traveling by myself and knew they have a life(work, friends, significant other so on). So we go to mostly tourist traps which is fine but I did comment to them that there are a couple of tourist spots I don’t want to go because that same area has more interesting places. They disregard what I said and take me anyways. On the 3rd day at night I commented that although grateful I’m unhappy and feel a little frustrated. They are constantly on their phone and kind of talking but short. And there are other little things that they did that bothered me. But I feel this post is long enough. Keep in mind we are 30+ years old women and talk to each other almost daily. We’ve been friends for four years. AITA for being honest with them? I thought our friendship was stronger. To be frank I kinda feel used.

NecessaryLong5250

AITA for telling a friend how I feel

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186pazv/aita_for_telling_a_friend_how_i_feel/

186pazv

My husband is one of 8 siblings. He is the only one that has a work ethic and we have both worked really hard to better our lives. We saved money to do Ivf, we are currently saving for a house and just upgraded our car. His mum was here once when we were on the phone to our broker discussing our bank balances and it could just be a coincidence but it feel like since then my husband is constantly being asked for a loan. Including for one of the siblings wanting a loan of $3000 because she was behind in rent. Literally none of them have jobs and have no intention of getting one. One sibling just had her 5th child she doesn’t work and her partner does sometimes they drive around as a family of 7 in a 5 seater car which completely burns me thinking if they were in an accident what would happen to those poor kids. Recently I said to my husband enough is enough they are grown adults and need to learn to manage their money and do better for themselves. ( we had the same problem with my sister 20 years ago when I started working at 14 she would get half my wage because I felt sorry for her being a single mum and my now husband said that it had to stop so another reason why I brought up it has to stop for his siblings now. He agreed and said it’s enough. I was doing bookwork on the computer the other day and seen a message pop up on Facebook (I thought it was my Facebook at first but it was actually his that was logged in) from his sister with the 5 kids (mind you she didn’t talk to my husband for years and only just restarted talking to him coincidently around the same time everyone else started asking for money.) she was asking his advice because something was wrong with their car and she didn’t want to buy the wrong part because she didn’t have much money. Turns out it was a $330 fix and my husband has paid for it from our business account. He lied to me about where he went while he went to get the receipt and when I asked him about it when doing the bookwork he lied about what it was for. Obviously not knowing I seen the message. I’m annoyed that he has paid for it but more so hurt that he lied. And annoyed at myself because I should never have seen that message. Do I just ignore it? Am I being an asshole? Help.

Odd-Dog-2078

AITA ok this is a bit of a long one so bare with me

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186piis/aita_ok_this_is_a_bit_of_a_long_one_so_bare_with/

186piis

So basically, I missed my group presentation at school so the teacher gave me 1 day (because we had really important exams coming up) to complete the PowerPoint presentation. And I did it. I got to school, connected my laptop to the projecter and started presenting. I guess I wasent doing very good and the teacher didn't like my performance and told me to stop right in the middle of my presentation Infront of everyone. I think the teacher was being kind of a asshole for making me stop informt of everyone. It was embrassing as fuck. So AITA?

Darknessboyonyt

AITA for doing a presentation badly.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186pn6e/aita_for_doing_a_presentation_badly/

186pn6e

I (20F) live with my partner (20NB) and have been living with them for over a year. Due to my abusive family situation I have no contact with my family and moved away from them to live with my partner. This will be my 2nd Christmas away from home and is always a tricky time emotionally for me. I am very close with my partners family and they consider me part of their family now and I am so grateful for them, but due to them living far away I assumed I would be spending Christmas with my partner. This week I found out that two (2) of my partner’s sisters will be coming down for Christmas and want to have an xmas lunch with my partner and their grandma. I assumed that I would be coming along (as we always go to family events together) and was told that both me and my partner were invited by their sister. I mentioned this, telling my partner how I was looking forward to spending Christmas with some of their family this year. My partner told me that they thought it would just be them and their family and that I wouldn’t be going, and when I asked further they said “I don’t know, we’ll see I guess” and was very dismissive and shrugged me off. I was visibly taken back as family is a sensitive issue to me and it seemed unexpected that I would not be invited for an xmas lunch with family who I am very close with. I haven’t brought it up again because I didn’t want to push, but the more I think about them not wanting me there the more it upsets me. I can understand that maybe my partner just wants to spend special time with their immediate family and I am being unfair, and I don’t want to get in the way of their plans. AITA and just being sensitive due to my past with family trauma and my desire to be around a family setting for Christmas? (Edit- clearing up invitation to the lunch)

Conscious_Bread_6808

AITA for being upset that I’m not invited to my partner’s family’s Christmas lunch?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ppoh/aita_for_being_upset_that_im_not_invited_to_my/

186ppoh

AITA - (M34) got told what to spend my money on by fiance (F29) and got mad at her. My fiance has been using the shared Amazon account to buy me presents for my birthday so I asked if I could get it installed back in now as I wanted to buy myself something to treat myself. We've been saving 1000£ each for our wedding, putting up 1050£ each on our joint account to pay bills, so what is left on our own accounts it's for us to spend in whatever way we want (or save). I've been saving up to buy myself a steam deck. Currently have a PS5, Xbox series S and a Nintendo switch. I'm not the kind of person who will be playing on and on videogames and likes to go out on dinner nights, cinema, spa days, walking in the forest... But I am s vet surgeon and Burnout syndrome is quite a big thing in our profession, each one has their own way to cope with it, mine is playing games, her's to watch Netflix and read. So yesterday it was my birthday and I wanted to treat myself to something. I was looking at buying a steam deck and every time I've spent a big amount of money on something I feel bad (I've grown up not having much money, paid my university fees studying while working and sometimes didn't even have money to eat). I wanted to have some reassurance before buying it so I decided to ask my fiancé about it. She at first said "yeah, it's your birthday, treat yourself". Then saw the price and changed her mind stating that she would prefer if I spent that money in going on holiday at some point both together. She's also a vet surgeon and earns 5.000£ more a year than I do, but she's got more expenses than I do. Also she likes to buy gifts for everyone but herself when Christmas arrives and she stressess because she's more of a saver than spender. She's always like: but what if this or that happens? (Even if we have a joint account with money in it for other expenses that builds up every month as we put 2000£ in it to pay expenses). We got into an argument that lasted 4 hours and this morning I'm still feeling resentment. I'm not going to buy the console anymore, as, even if I did it would just remind me of how she quite fucked up and ruined my birthday (had to lie to my mom as she wanted to video call me but I wasn't in the mood to pull a happy face) and now she insists that she will never ever give her opinion on anything similar and just agree to it (which I think is just going to kill the relationship for lying and holding grudges). So, AITA to think that we are already putting up a whole lot of money into the wedding and I deserve to treat myself for my birthday?

all-concerns

AITA for wanting to spend my own money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186q3sa/aita_for_wanting_to_spend_my_own_money/

186q3sa

I (34F) am planning to become a firefighter and I need to train a lot in the following months because I have to pass some hardcore physical tests. For this reason, I started running and I am not doing bad at all. To push myself I have been signing up to some races apart from hitting the gym and studying a lot. My dad (65M) always insists on going with me when I go for runs but when I agree he just walks and it is a bit strange. I start running and he doesnt follow. It feels weird so I jog behind him. I tried to sit down with him and told him I was a bit bothered by this and that if he wanted to go for a walk and couldnt run he should just say so. He got pissed off and told me that when he was young he used to run a lot and that he was capable of running very well. I have since, stopped telling him when I go for runs. He used to be athletic when younger but now is not. He likes walking a lot but he is not good at sports and has mostly a very sedentary lifestyle and is getting old real fast because he doesn't take care of himself very well. He asked me what I was doing this weekend and I told him I signed up for a 15K race on sunday and then I would go hangout with friends. There are diferent types of races that day and I said he could check out the 10k walk they do and then we could meet after we both finish. He said ok, he would do the walk. He texted me some hours ago and told me he signed up for the 15K race to go together. I am mortified because I didn't ask him that and I really want to race. I told him that I am planning to do a quick race with a high pace, he shouted at me and called me asshole for implying that he couldn't do it. I really hope he has been secretly training and smokes me and then its all a big joke but it doesn't seem so lol. AITA? Would I be an asshole if I just ran on my pace and left him behind?

Downtown-Solution123

AITA for not wanting to race with my dad?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186q715/aita_for_not_wanting_to_race_with_my_dad/

186q715

For context, I’m staying at a close family members until Friday as a “House sitting” Job, So I am here alone. My “brother” is my cousin, but I’ve lived with him and my aunt for as long as I can remember. My brother came by intoxicated and I had told him he couldn’t come around, which eventually lead to arguments and I offered to drop him off so many times. He slipped, and got a nose bleed (nothing major). I got blasted on facebook and kept getting messages from her saying so much things. She eventually told me not to come around because apparently I was the drunk one and helped my brother get drunk, too. I also will most likely spend christmas alone after this incident and I have no idea what to do about it. I have tried to show her proof that I WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM. But, I guess this is what happens when you don’t have parents. I have to go pick my stuff up today and leave my simcard as she does pay for it. My aunt sure did make me feel like I am the one at fault here. Now I am trying to sell my shoes as a way to get money for a plane ticket back to my city where I currently have an apartment. This plane ticket will cost me $500 CAD and I’m really hoping this doesn’t flop cause I need the money.

Admirable_Work5472

AITA - For kicking my brother out.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qbcz/aita_for_kicking_my_brother_out/

186qbcz

My husband and I own a vacant lot worth $150,000 adjacent to our home that my stepson wants to build his new house on. He doesn't have the cash to buy it and is unable to get a loan that will fund both the lot purchase and construction. He wants us to just deed the lot to him and refinance at completion and pay the lot off. No promissory note, nothing. Despite having some equity in both his home and a commercial building he does not want to give us a lien on one of those in exchange for deeding the lot to him. My husband of course is in favor of deeding the lot to him. This has created an untenable situation between us. I wanted to treat this as a business transaction and he says you don't do that with family. The stepson has a hard money lender who will advance the construction funds if we deed the lot to the stepson. In anticipation of that the stepson has already started construction. The grading is complete, foundation is in and utilities run. I would never have permitted that to happen but I was overruled. He now has put us in the position of a huge debt that he cannot pay unless we deed the lot to him and construction loan proceeds become available and we hope for the best. I have spent my entire career in real estate including 15 years in banking and I have seen many deals like this go south. I understand the risk of things like construction problems or delays, changes in market conditions which affect value...the stepson is also living with his girlfriend and their child and that relationship could go south and she be entitled to half of everything...or even the death of the stepson which forces the estate into probate. The value of this lot represents a huge portion of our retirement plan. We are in our mid to late 70s. So AITA for wanting to treat this as a business transaction?

ngsandollar

AITA for wanting to treat a real estate transaction with a family member like a business transaction?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qd6x/aita_for_wanting_to_treat_a_real_estate/

186qd6x

Both of my daughters are in highschool, my oldest ( Cindy) is 16 and my youngest (Emily)is 14. Now Cindy is quite popular, she is on the volleyball team and has a huge friend group. My youngest isn’t very popular and her friend (Beth) is her main friend or ex friend. It also doesn’t help that she is into hobbies most other high schoolers don’t care about. Emily and Beth got into a fight and Beth is not speaking to her anymore. She is sitting alone at lunch now. This came out yesterday and my husband wants Cindy to invite her to sit with her group of friends at the “popular table”. Cindy refused saying she doesn’t want to do that. My husband was mad but when he tried to get me to back him up I told him Cindy has ever right to not want her little sister in her friend group. That you can’t do that do her and Emily needs to make her own friends. My husband is pissed at me and Cindy. Emily is super upset that she doesn’t have people to eat with and I am wondering if I made the right call or if I am being a jerk.

Ok-Combination7341

AITA for siding with my daughter that she doesn’t need to invite her sister to the “popular table”

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qfyf/aita_for_siding_with_my_daughter_that_she_doesnt/

186qfyf

So, I (25f) have been married to my husband for 3 years, I have known him since high school. I recently just had a baby. And We decided not to tell anyone the name till the baby was born. My stepsister was also pregnant. We both had very similar names in mind. I liked Mary-Kay. My stepsister liked the names Mary-Grace. My stepsister did choose the name first, but our names weren’t identical. And she still insisted I didn’t use Mary-Kay still. We did anyways and when I announced My stepsister called us and had a cow. She said we disrespected her knowing she picked the name first and now she has to choose a new baby such short notice. We reminded her that the names aren’t identical and there is no reason to change, but she just got upset and hung up. stepmom soon called us later backing up my sister saying how childish we acted keeping it a secret so we could get our way, and she wanted to use that name after her grandmother death. They are all very upset with us. AITA?

Desperate_Gain_3133

AITA for choosing a name my stepsister had in mind for my daughter?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qkuf/aita_for_choosing_a_name_my_stepsister_had_in/

186qkuf

Me (27) and my gf (26) recently invited a couple of my friends on a holiday that my girlfriend and I were originally planning on doing as a duo. I was looking at booking the hotel rooms and noticed the cost of a Double Room for me and my girlfriend is around $500 cheaper than the cost of the Twin Room that our two friends would share. I think my friends are under the impression that we are booking our rooms together and simply splitting the total amongst the four of us, but this seems a little unfair seeing as the Twin Room is the better room of the two with almost 1/3rd extra space. I wouldn't mind splitting the bill if it was roughly the same price, let's say around $100 extra but as it stands, my partner and I would be paying an additional $250 for their room. We are also staying in multiple cities throughout our visit, most hotels we have looked at the Twin Room is always more expensive, which means that this isn't a one off payment but will quickly accumulate - if the difference is similar across all hotels, we'd be paying an additional $750 for their rooms. WIBTA if I told them that I expect to pay for our rooms separately, split between the two occupants of each room? Or is it unfair to expect them to front the additional cost?

GasOk5288

WIBTA if I asked my friends to pay the difference for their hotel room?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qmm1/wibta_if_i_asked_my_friends_to_pay_the_difference/

186qmm1

(Repost because bot deleted it) I (24F) work 50 - 60 hours a week. My boyfriend and I have our own place. My sister (24F) works a lot too and also has her own place with her husband. My mom has an annoying habit of asking my sister and I for favors with very little notice. Both of us have dropped everything and cancelled our plans because my mom needed us to watch our step sister. We have asked her so many times to give us enough of a heads up to avoid making conflicting plans. She won't listen. My step sister lives with my parents. She's disabled (physically as well as mentally), and can't be left home by herself. Next week, my boyfriend and I are going on vacation. I only have one weekday off before then, and it's filled with appointments that I need to go to before vacation. Last week, during Thanksgiving, my mom asked my sister and I if one of us could watch my step sister this Thursday (my day off), from noon to midnight because she and my step-dad are going to a concert. I told her I have appointments that day, and still have to get up at 5 am the next day for work. My sister said she *could*, but would need to change around some plans, and advocated for me saying that I work early the next day. Last night, my mom called me and said I'm her last hope. My sister has the flu and can't babysit. I told her that I'm really sorry, but I have appointments that I *need* to go to before going out of town next week, and that it's my only day to do it, also that I still work early the next day. I told her that I would have made my plans around that day if I'd known ahead of time, maybe like when she bought the tickets *months* ago. She got mad that I wouldn't just cancel my plans for her. I apologized a lot and all she said were things like, "yeah, thanks a lot." Since then, I've been feeling so guilty. I'm trying to figure out how to rearrange my day so that I can help her out, but nothing is going to work. I feel selfish for not dropping everything to help. I feel like an asshole. So I'm here to ask, am I the asshole?

KiwiNervous8740

AITA for refusing to watch my step sister on my day off?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qsbu/aita_for_refusing_to_watch_my_step_sister_on_my/

186qsbu

I (f22) am a student who lives in a small apartment with three other students. We have a small kitchen with one table, a bench next to a wall and three chairs, one of them right in front of the door to my room, which is right behind the kitchen. The room’s only entrance is the door in the kitchen too. In the last week, one of my roommates (m27) suddenly decided to always take his laptop and sit down on the chair in the kitchen right in front of my door. He has a working computer and a table in his room which he always used before. But now, he sits in front of my door for sometimes the entire day. When I leave my room in the morning, I most often almost immediately trip over him, because he sits right there. I have to almost climb over him to get to my room or leave it. When I go to bed, he’s there. When I have friends or my boyfriend over, he’s there. When I talk to people on the phone, he’s there. My issues is, I feel like I have no privacy at all anymore. I had very little before but now it’s worse. You can hear every little footstep where he sits, every little thing I do, everything that me or my friends say through the damn door, no matter whether it’s in the room or on the phone. And he just has no apparent reason to sit there either, because his computer works just fine and he has a table in his room and there are other places around the kitchen table that are NOT basically in my room. I asked him whether he can sit somewhere else, but he said this is the kitchen and he has a right to sit there. I’m very mad about this but I’m thinking that maybe I’m mad because I have a lot of other, smaller issues with him too. My roommates want us all to do a lot together anyway, so I really want to have my alone time when I need it. But now I’m wondering if he’s right and whether I do not have the right to ask him to move. Am I the asshole for wanting him to leave the place in the kitchen?

Lunalydia

AITA for telling my roommate to stop sitting in front of my room?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qsy4/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_to_stop_sitting_in/

186qsy4

I (32f) My husband (34m) have three kids, 2 teenager girls and a 10 year old boy. Last week, I spotted him on the playground putting his arm around a girl from his class and when I asked him about it he said she was his girlfriend. My husband laughed and told him “don’t break too many hearts.” I asked my son if he had asked the girl if it was okay before he put his arm around her and he said no. I gently explained to him that he shouldn’t ever touch girls like that without getting their consent first. He didn’t know what consent meant so I had a mini discussion with him about how it’s not nice to touch people without their permission and asking first means that you know the other person doesn’t mind. My husband was silent during the entire conversation. My son didn’t seem to be bothered by our small talk (which only lasted a couple of minutes), replied with “okay” and then went to go play his switch. After he left the room my husband went off on me, saying that I’m making my son sound like a predator in the making, that it’s just innocent playground fun, and that I’m blowing it way out of proportion. I obviously don’t think my 5th grader is a predator, but I felt like it was important to teach him about the idea of consent from a young age. However, I do have a complicated history when it comes to this subject so maybe that’s clouding my judgment. So, AITA?

NeatLocksmith884

AITA for saying you shouldn't touch girls to my 10 year old son?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186qtep/aita_for_saying_you_shouldnt_touch_girls_to_my_10/

186qtep

me (m21) i've been friend with this girl (f20) [i'll call her A] for about 2 years. It is more like an "online friendship" since we live in different cities and met in person only like 8 times (for birthdays/events/beach days and so on, so always in group settings). Without realizing i've asked her to hang out like 9 times over these 2 years, and everytime she always refused (even tought we often text each other) and now that i recently checked the messages again, i figured out that the reasons she told me she couldn't come were obvious excuses for not coming, which i didn't realized at the time. The thing is that everytime i asked her to hang out, even tought things were going well, at the precise moment i asked her, she seemed cold and distant for a while (like ignoring the message for hours and giving dry answers), but after 1-2 weeks things seem to become normal again like it never happened. So now, after all that, it's safe to assume that she doesn't feel comfortable or just don't want to be alone with me for whatever reason, right? So i obviusly stopped asking her to hang out (last time i asked her was like 5 months ago btw) and last time i met her in person was 3 months ago at a birthday party of a friend in common. I tried to act "normal" with her, like nothing happened and that i was more chill without going to talk to her first too much, like i almost always did. recently, I ran into an old female friend of mine from elementary school who I hadn't seen in like 10 years [i'll call her B]. We started talking about what we done after the school, about work and so on. We also exchange numbers and already hang out 2 times for a coffee etc. Last week, B asked me to go a day to her gym with her, i accepted and found out that is the same gym that the other female friend, A, goes. Since A refused everytime to hang out, i didn't tell her anything about that; We ran into each other in the Gym, talked a bit and then she (obviusly) asked why i was there, I just told her that a friend of mine, B, asked me to come. The next day, A texted me to ask why i didn't told her anything about that i was going to her gym, that she is a bit hurt that i didn't even tought of her, and started saying something like "i never done something bad to you..." etc. Tbh, I wanted to tell her that since i asked her like 8 times, obviusly i wasn't going to ask her a 9th time just to recieve the 9th NO in a row. But to not looks clingy/needy/butthurt, i didn't told her the true reason and just said "chill, i just forgot it was your gym". Yesterday a "friend" in common (that is A's best Friend) texted me saying that what i did was wrong and that she doesn't think i forgot but that i did that on purpose and told me i was a bit of a d**khead... So, AITA for what i did? (English isn't my first language, so i'm sorry if there are some grammatical errors)

RobloX_Xolbor

AITA for not "inviting" a friend out?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186quhj/aita_for_not_inviting_a_friend_out/

186quhj

My (26F) girlfriend and I (22M) have been together for about two and a half years now. We’ve been honestly super healthy and great together but we hit a snag and it doesn’t seem like we’ve really moved past it. I am a really big fan of the band Red Hot Chili Peppers and have been since I was a kid. I remember driving to school with my dad in elementary school and listening to Stadium Arcadium as it had just come out at the time and this is a fond memory of my childhood and my liking of the band has continued to this day. When I first started dating my gf we were driving to a date and I played some RHCP in my car and she asked politely if I could turn it off. I assumed she just didn’t like RHCP and I did but not before asking why, I could see her tearing up and she started talking about how it was one of her childhood friend’s favorite band before she sadly passed away from an OD when they were 15 (very very scary, please stay away from drugs). I could tell she never really got the chance to move past it so I agreed to turn it off. I’ve usually avoided playing it while I’m around her although occasionally it will come on my playlist and sometimes she will ask (always politely) for me to turn it off. Well fast forward to now and the end of year slideshow comes up on my music app and lo and behold RHCP was my number one artist of the year. I put it on my social media story and made a joke about how Steely Dan was snubbed and now I get the sense that something is bothering her. I asked her what was up and she said that she wishes I didn’t listen to the Chili Peppers so much because of how sad it makes her. I told her I understood how she was feeling but reminded her that she can’t hold onto her sadness forever and that a lot has changed over the past 11 years since her friend died. I also told her that I don’t think it’s very fair that I can’t listen to my favorite band because of sadness that she’s holding onto since far before I ever met her. She somewhat agreed with me but said that I was being insensitive and she needs more time to work through it before we start listening to the Chili Peppers again. I know this all sounds frivolous but RHCP is my favorite band of all time and something I’d ideally like to share with my gf. AITA?

heyheylonghornnation

AITA for telling my girlfriend to get over the death of her friend

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186r5p1/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_get_over_the/

186r5p1

I (22f) was having lunch with my friend yesterday (21f). She has trouble with finding a partner so I had set her up on a date with an aquaintance of mine the day before, so I asked her how it went. She said it went alright, but they just didn't really connect. This suprised me a bit, since I set them up together because they have a lot of shared interests. I asked her what she didn't like about him, and she tried to avoid the question but after I continued asking about it she responded that he had straight up told her he found her physically unattractive. She seemed a bit sad about it but it didn't suprise me at all. She is pretty flat chested and instead of dressing in a way that flatters her she wears clothing that looks EXTREMELY unappealing on her because it draws attention to her lack of a chest (think things like dresses, wool sweaters, sleeveless turtleneck tops). I told her that she would probably have an easier time on her next date if she embraced her body type and dressed more appropriately. I meant that as a confidence boost as in a "be happy with your body!" type way but she seemed pretty peeved and asked with what I meant with dressing more appropriately. I explained that her style draws attention to her lack of a chest so she should try to dress more like a tomboy instead of trying to look feminine. This seemed to annoy her even more somehow and she said that her tits don't define her femininity, and that her clothes don't even draw attention to them. I said that she can dress however she wants, but that she will continue having a hard time in the dating scene if she pretending to be someone she isn't instead of being herself. After that she asked the waiter for the check and immediatly left without saying another word. I talked about this to out mutual friends but they seem to completely misunderstand me too and they say I was being rude. I tried to explain it was meant to be uplifting but they just don't get it. So am I the asshole?

HelpfulFriend3

AITA for telling my friend why she can't find a partner?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186rflm/aita_for_telling_my_friend_why_she_cant_find_a/

186rflm

My son and his girlfriend have been together for 6 years, she might as well be my DIL at this point since they have a kid together. Now they when they visit I like to make a nice meal but every single time she doesn’t eat just picks at it and covers it it’s a napkin by the end of the night I am also from a different culture from them so I thought she just doesn’t like the spices I used. I have made really simple things and she doesn’t ever eat it. I asked my son about it and he told me she is just a picky eater. They are suppose to come over tomorrow, I told my son I am not cooking tomorrow since I am tired of her not eating a thing and I feel like I am wasting my time. That I will order pizza. He’s really upset that I am not cooking since he doesn’t get homemade meals often. AITA the jerk for not wanting to cook since one of my guest never appreciates it Edit: it was asked a few time. I basically get brushed off when I try to talk to either of them about it

Firm_Surprise905

AITA for telling my son I am not going to cook for his picky eating girlfriend

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186rk6w/aita_for_telling_my_son_i_am_not_going_to_cook/

186rk6w

I (30m) have been seeing L (30f) for a few weeks now its been mostly good but a few rocky patches that got smoothed over quickly untill a week ago when a very close friend of mine took their own life, when i got the news it broke me not just because i lost a beloved friend but also because i was too tired to answer the phone the day before they did it. I then warned L of how i deal with loss and bad news by going quiet and reflecting on what happened, how guilty i was feeling, and that i need some space to go quiet so i can process what happened this caused L to snap and respond with things like “im your gf i should be involved in your care” and “if texting me doesn’t make you happy why am i here” which caused a bit of an argument. After a few days of not talking due to the argument i started receiving blunt and emotionless texts from L i was still feeling like i was on the edge and a bit resentful of L for how angry she got with me when i just asked for some space to greave i ignored her which lead her to accuse me of cheating and seeing other women because “if she cant make me happy another women must be” which lead to argument 2 And then today after another few days of not talking she started texting me accusing me of hating her and she hasn’t done anything wrong why am i giving her the cold shoulder and being an asshole. Ill admit im not good at sharing feelings n opening up to people but all i did was ask for space because a friend died but now i feel like an ass for trying to deal with things how i normally would. AITAH?

Shitlord_panda

AITAH for going quiet to deal with a close friends death?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186roqg/aitah_for_going_quiet_to_deal_with_a_close/

186roqg

first off im F(23) he's M(25), we both work but he gets paid more , so in 2020 my boyfriends car became scrap as it was old and the parts to fix it would cost more then what the car is worth , so I used my savings £1.500 to buy him a quick used car so he can still go to work ? I told him I want the money back when he puts his books through the tax as he's a self employed plumber , he used that money I know because when I asked for what he owed he said he has no money left? fast forward on November 2023 , I lent him £150 to take his booked in for tax and £240 for new tires on his car as he didn't get paid till another 6 days , he said he will pay me back on his rebate but when I brought up the extra £1.500 . he said to me , "I have debts to pay off first? " , am I the arsehole for saying I don't care as I have waited years for him to pay me back? I need the money he owes to pay off the debts I have because off unexpected vet bills that he's never helped with our dogs . he pays half the bills , I pay the other half ? am I the arsehole.

Spirited_Ad_3559

AITA for wanting my money back out my partners tax rebate

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186rpj3/aita_for_wanting_my_money_back_out_my_partners/

186rpj3

Hello, 20M here. I live with my parents and am currently in college. My parents were talking about going to Florida for a vacation during Christmas and New Year’s week. They weren’t completely sure until Monday, which is when they bought the plane tickets, so I requested those days off then. Today, I get a text from my boss saying that they couldn’t approve my request for all of the days off, and that I’d have to come in for a few days. I call him and tell him that I couldn’t come in for those days because I would be on vacation then, and that I gave him the earliest notice that I possibly could. He verbally admonishes me, saying it was “not cool” and that Christmas and New Years were the busiest weeks of the year. He also said that if I didn’t come in when I requested my vacation, he’d have to fire me. I called my parents after that, with my dad saying I should quit and my mom saying that I should wait until I get home so we could talk about it. For context, I work at a dollar store that has about ten employees hired, and usually never goes above two people on the clock at once. So, AITA for wanting to spend time with my family?

Pale_Extreme1383

AITA for leaving my job right before the holidays?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186ry7q/aita_for_leaving_my_job_right_before_the_holidays/

186ry7q

My fiancé (31m) and I (29f) have been together for almost 6 years now and have a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I work nights (3 12 hour shifts a week) and he works odd hours with a sporadic schedule. Currently he’s been off a week due to no work/holidays. I have to ask him to do certain things, so I asked him if he wanted to put away laundry or clean the bathroom. I planned on just doing the task that he didn’t pick, but when he told me “well I’ll do Landry because if I clean the bathroom I won’t do it right” I immediately got petty and told him he could clean the bathroom so he could learn how to do it the “right way”. Ultimately he cleaned the bathroom, it looked nice but when I didn’t immediately say “oh it looks good” and asked him if he threw away items of mine that I was not done using, he got defensive and upset that when he just woke up fighting (it was 2pm, up late again playing video games) I I was furious at the time trying to find multiple items that weren’t just misplaced, but gone. I eventually cooled down and understood he didn’t do it maliciously. He was just trying to clean the bathroom. But when he got so defensive and realized we were fighting about such small things like this, I suggested counseling. He told me he would “do it for you if you want but I don’t think we need it” and “everything he does it wrong” We made up, talked it out like we usually do but not even a day later he upsets me again. Our daughter goes to school and its usually me that makes sure she goes to bed at a normal time (expect the nights I work). I asked him if he could take her to school in the morning so I could sleep in because I worked that night. The past two days I’ve been off so I’ve gotten up early to take her to school and watched our two year old so he could sleep in from playing video games last at night with his friends. I feel like I have to micromanage him with everything. I had to wake him up to make sure he was going to take her. When he didnt wake up 20 minutes later after trying to wake him up again, I decided to just do it myself. He ended up waking up, saying sorry and looking guilty, but I was so mad I just continued to take her to school. I got home and he fell back asleep. I decided to give him another chance by getting our son up when he was crying in his crib. I called him three times (he was sleeping on the couch) with no answer. So I got him up, fed, changed and entertained him. Im a light sleeper so everything wakes me up but I did sleep some during that night (I often flip my sleep schedule) and I know I didn’t work until hours later, but I just wanted to be able to sleep and not be up 24 hours when it was time for me to go to work. I just don’t feel heard. I have to constantly worry he won’t take our daughter to school or feed our children (which has happened) I just want to be happy with him and not micromanage him. I figured maybe consoling would help but he doesn’t seem to think he need it. Edit: in case there is confusing regarding the bathroom situation. We talked about why he thinks he does it wrong and was not upset at how he cleaned the bathroom. It was how he reacted to me trying to express my emotions. He was upset that I didn’t tell him good job and instead asked him where he put items and why would he throw them away. Despite being angry at first, I was not mean to him about this. I bite my tongue about a lot of things and this was me trying not to bottle my emotions in. I feel stupid getting upset over such small things like this, but I was trying to use this small argument as a stepping stone (I don’t like to say no and am a doormat) I thought maybe counseling could help me express my feelings. There is clearly something we need to work on. In retrospect, this one incident with the bathroom seems small, it just happens so often it feels big.

lavendercovenco

AITA for suggesting counseling to my fiancé for such small things?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sebv/aita_for_suggesting_counseling_to_my_fiancé_for/

186sebv

(Sorry for the bad grammar, I’m not good at writing) I (19F) lived with my roommate (21F) lets call her amy, her boyfriend (21M) adam , and another person for nearly a year until I later moved back in with my parents. Near the beginning of coexisting with her she had brought home this tiny little kitten that she bought off some lady on facebook. The kittens name is Lucy and lucy is the absolute sweetest cat on planet earth once you get to know her. Amy is a very social person, complete opposite to me and is always going out with her friends or boyfriend and usually does not get home until the AM, leaving lucy home with me and our other roommate. Amy does not feed her often and rarely cleans up after lucy. In the morning she’ll give a small amount of kibble to her then repeats the next day, so lucy usually has a meal a day. Amy also lets lucy out throughout the day via her window. Since i’m always home me and lucy started to spend time together more and more and you can find lucy either staying on my lap or sleeping with me. I took it upon myself to clean up after Lucy and feed lucy, Amy has never given her wet food, I was the one who always went and bought her wet food and Amy started to notice so she flat out stopped feeding Lucy anything at all because she knows I feed her. I’m broke, super broke and I myself live off of ramen and other cheap garbage but buy what I can for Lucy, this also includes litter now as she doesn’t even bother with her litter box. Anyways, fast forward to the present and I’m planning on moving out because I can’t afford to stay with them anymore so my parents are graciously taking me back in even though they were very stubborn on it. Amy saw me packing so she sparked up a conversation with me and I brought up taking Lucy with me, Amy didn’t really care so I packed up everything including Lucy who is now nearly a year old. A few weeks after moving back in with my parents I come to find Lucy in my closet giving birth, I didnt let her out at all while staying here so she must have gotten pregnant while staying with Amy. Lucy has one kitten, an adorable little fluffy siamese kitten and so I post pictures of him. As soon as I do I get a dm from Amy asking who I got the kitten from because she fell in love with him and I tell her Lucy gave birth. All of a sudden Amy is blowing up on me, saying she wants the kitten and Lucy back and I obviously refuse because I love lucy and her baby. The same day my phone blows up with angry messages from amys boyfriend, our other roomate who literally did not care or bat an eye when lucy was hungry, and a whole bunch of her other friends who are basically shaming and bullying me. Yes, technically amy didnt say outright I could take lucy, she just shrugged it off but AITA for not giving her back? Im starting to consider it as taking care of lucy and her baby is a little costly on top of paying for school and give my parents rent but I just love her so much, and amys clique is getting on my nerves

cattheif1

AITA for stealing my roommates cat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sf27/aita_for_stealing_my_roommates_cat/

186sf27

Today my friend and I were sitting at lunch in the usual spot we've been in for months and these girls walked up and said "this is our assigned seat.' And gestured for us to move. There are no assigned seats in our cafeteria and we had been there the entire semester. So I stood my ground and said no. I didnt let them bully us into giving them our seats. They walked away and called me a racist white bitch and called me a cracker and are telling people im racist..aita?

These_Conference_939

AITA for not giving some girls my seat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sh4l/aita_for_not_giving_some_girls_my_seat/

186sh4l

Staying at my in laws for the holidays is somewhat stressful because it’s a very full house - 4 bedrooms, but it’s my family of 3 plus my SILs family of 5 plus my MIL and FIL all staying there, so there’s already a lot of room sharing happening - we share a room with our daughter. However, the real problem is that recently they moved an old, severely deformed mattress into “our” room. We’ve slept on it a few times now and it seriously back-breaking. It’s only a full-size that my husband and I share, but it’s like someone who weighs 500 lbs slept on one side for the past 20 years and now is super indented and lop sided. Both sides are equally uncomfortable. My FIL even acknowledged before we even slept in it that the mattress was bad, but my MIL tried to deny it and pretended they didn’t even switch it out (my FIL said they did, and it’s very obvious…) Another issue is that I am pregnant, so I’m pretty uncomfortable sleeping as it is. I’m worried this mattress will permanently mess up my back if I sleep on it for 3 nights while pregnant. I’ve talked to my husband about staying in a close by hotel, but he is worried about hurt feelings and also that it would limit the time we spend with my in-laws, since we’d have to bring my daughter back to the hotel to nap and for her bedtime. My compromise suggestion was that we offer to buy them a new mattress for the room we use (we would pay). Then we can continue to stay with them and be a bit more comfortable. It’s an uncomfortable situation to offer though, and my MIL is very sensitive and I worry about her reaction to every little thing - I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. My husband’s family also avoids talking about stuff…whereas if this were my family I already would’ve straight up said to my parents yo this mattress sucks I’m getting you a new one. so, am I being rude and just need to suck it up? Or am I NTA here?

burner_454

WIBTA if I ask my in-laws to get a new guest room mattress? (I would pay for it)

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186shnp/wibta_if_i_ask_my_inlaws_to_get_a_new_guest_room/

186shnp

i’ve stayed with my aunt and uncle during my summer break from college for the past two summers now. i am in a long distance relationship with my bf, we’ve been together for a year and a half and we met in person first before going long distance. at the time of this story i hadn’t seen him in person for 10 months and it was finally time for our plans to meet up. with my aunt and uncles permission we planned for him to stay at the house. (under the condition that he sleep on the couch and i stay in my room) then suddenly the morning of the day i was supposed to see him my uncle kinda freaked out and told me he actually couldn’t stay there. it’s important to note that this had nothing to do with my bf, he hadn’t done anything wrong but my uncle has severe anxiety and ocd and he just couldn’t handle the stress that the visit was giving him i was obviously very upset but he said i was allowed to keep using his truck and then he went to bed. with that in mind i suggested to my bf that we just sleep at a hotel since he couldn’t stay at my aunt and uncles house. i drove the truck and met him at the hotel he booked and we had an amazing time seeing each other again and going to get food and watching movies. i texted my uncle when i got there so he wouldn’t wonder where i was when he woke up, he also had my location the whole time. when i came back home my aunt and uncle were furious and they said i was behaving like a skank and they wouldn’t look me in the eye for days bc when they looked at me “all they could see was skanky hotels” id like to mention that i am 19F and i don’t think there should be any problem with me getting a hotel with my bf cause im an adult and it wasn’t like i was meeting a random person. they ended up making me go home early, causing me to screw over my job cause i had to leave with zero notice and things haven’t been the same with them since which is really sad for me since they were my favorite people and it was my favorite place to be. im upset with the way they slut shamed me but they are still upset over the hotel so AITA?

Illustrious_Bit4175

AITA for going to stay at a hotel with my boyfriend when my uncle rescinded his permission for him to stay the night at his house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sjf2/aita_for_going_to_stay_at_a_hotel_with_my/

186sjf2

My boyfriend (19M) has a skin condition where he will itch himself constantly to the point he bleeds and his skin peels off. The dead skin will get everywhere in his room, on his bed, on his floor because he works at his desk a lot and plays games. It even gets in his bathroom, on his sink, on his toilet bc he will scratch constantly. I don't know what the condition is, I thought it was eczema or something but whenever I ask about it or ask him to see a doctor he gets frustrated. He told me that the doctors apparently didn't know what it was and just gave up with diagnosing it and trying to help him (can somebody tell me if that has actually happened before??). I know he can't help itching and I'm not angry at him for it, but I can't help but feel disgusted when I go to his room, he will wash and change his bedsheets about once a week/two weeks but even a day after washing, they will get covered in dead skin and blood. When I lay on the bed, my clothes would get dead skin on them and I always have to wash them after being at his flat. The first night I moved into my flat he itched himself till my sheets had bits of skin all over and blood stains, I had to wash the sheets instantly, and from then whenever he has came to my flat my sheets have gotten bloody and my room has had so much dead skin all over. I don't want to be constantly washing the sheets every day, it's a pain and also it's £5 for a wash and dry at my uni and I'm a broke uni student I also don't like sleeping on his bed because even if I take my clothes off, my hair and skin feels dirty and his skin will get all over me when I sleep. Even walking in his room and using the bathroom feels dirty. I said I don't want to sleep in the same bed as him anymore and have him in my flat less because of this and he isn't happy about it. I've also been going to his flat less. He says it's not his fault and that he can't do anything about it. I've tried to get him to go to the doctor about it so he can get referred to whoever he needs to see but he refuses to do it. I'm also not happy about it as I like sleeping at his/him sleeping at mine. AITA?

liubby

AITA for not wanting to sleep with my boyfriend anymore and let him come to my flat

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186skee/aita_for_not_wanting_to_sleep_with_my_boyfriend/

186skee

I honestly feel like the AH. We have a cleaning lady who works for us 10 hours per week. I need her as I can't handle the stress of cleaning myself due to mental illness and having a cluttered house is terrible for my mental health too. She has thrown out things in the past that she shouldn't have (I've rescued stuff that she was about to throw out like my artwork) and three months ago she threw out a bag of fabric that I was going to use to make myself clothing. She has done the same thing multiple times even though I've asked her to please check with me before throwing things away. I was willing to let it pass after a verbal warning in the past but it has become a pattern and I feel that I can't let it go again after she threw away an expensive present that my son bought for his best friend. The reason why I feel like the AH is because she doesn't earn much and even though I pay her substantially more than minimum wage for the hours that she works, she struggles to find work on days when she's not working for me and the major part of her income is from the wages I pay her. The only Christmas bonus she gets is what I give her. I just can't afford to replace the present because my own finances are constrained during the festive season and I don't get a Christmas bonus myself but I know it will affect her harder than it affects me. So AITA? Eta. She's not a thief. The things she's thrown out in the past wasn't really valuable beyond sentimental value. This is the first time it was something expensive. It was small and it was in a delivery box underneath packing paper so she thought it was just an empty box with packaging paper.

TwirlyShirley8

AITA for reducing my cleaning lady's bonus for throwing away a Christmas present

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186skl8/aita_for_reducing_my_cleaning_ladys_bonus_for/

186skl8

I \[29M\] have been working at this law firm for almost 18 months now. I have a ton of older colleagues and I'm still comparatively a "newbie", so I wouldn't normally challenge their expertise. However, there's been one thing I can't seem to let go of. As part of law school we regularly have law school interns working for our firm to gain mandatory experience. They're supposed to do supervised work, help with cases, etc. However what they're allowed to do is pretty subject to whose firm you work in and what country and state's laws you're in. When I was a student I interned at a different law firm in the same state. Back then I was told by the boss at that firm that it was legally a gray area if interns prepared files and briefs on their own, especially since caseloads are so high and supervising lawyers often can't correct them in time and wrong information might be given if those files are used before any supervising lawyer looks them over. So I've always handled any interns assigned to me by that standard. However, recently I've learned that another colleague (33M) who is senior to me by a couple years has been assigning students briefs to prepare on their own. He gives them the workload and tells them it's required of them to do so, which is contrary to what I've been taught. I asked him about it and he said it was fine since those weren't important cases or briefs. However, I think it's really not right of him to do so for a number of reasons. 1) It's not their responsibility to prepare those briefs. If they want to do so it's great of them, but they're not supposed to work on their own to alleviate OUR workload. 2) If something is missed or wrongly written in those briefs, it's not seen for days unless either a supervising lawyer revises them or it's noticed by a lawyer when using the briefs for a case. I think this could land our firm in hot water AND it might backfire on the students and my colleague. Not to mention it might damage a client's case. 3) Additionally, I'm suspecting this colleague wants less work on his own plate. He said its to teach them how to prepare briefs, but TBH I don't believe him. I have a performance review with my boss \[50sF\] in a couple days. She's the head of the law firm. I'm really tempted to tell her I heard about my colleague assigning work to those students and telling them they're required to complete it. However, this might cause me to experience backlash from my colleague(s) if it comes out I told her. And I also don't want to be an "office tattler", especially in my position as a newbie. So, WIBTA if I tattled to my boss?

Feeling_Trip_1385

WIBTA if I tattled to my boss?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sm8l/wibta_if_i_tattled_to_my_boss/

186sm8l

background info: i used to be friends with this girl (Mia) and this boy (Ray) I would talk with them alot every day until one day, Mia stopped talking to me for no reason. I tried to ask her why and she said "you know what you did" which was weird because i didn't really do anything to her. Suddenly she started saying that i pointed out her insecurities and made a rumor that i said Ray called her a sl\*t (which both were false.) She also uses autistic as an insult and says the R slur. Not to mention made fun of Chinese and Indian people. I would also talk with Ray. At first he seemed nice, but then he started saying these really racist stuff about how Indian and black people smell bad, made fun of autistic people, said the r slur and said how people with down syndrome shouldn't look at him because they were disgusting according to him.. Thing is, they would also talk bad about the people they were "friends" with and say really horrible things about them and even say racist things about them. Both were being mean to me and saying how I was a snitch and made me feel unloved.. One day, i decided i wanted revenge on them for what they did, so i kinda exposed them to everyone by telling everyone how bad they were. That also included telling their friends that they were talking bad about them. They got really mad because apparently I was trying to ruin their reputation and Mia thought it was a great idea to confront me with her large group of friends (who weren't even involved !!) and in the hallway.. like i knew she would confront me but not in this way. Her and her friends started shouting and stomping at me which gave me a really bad panic attack and i also felt like i was gonna die when it was happening.. Everyone now thinks I'm a bad person and saying that I want to ruin their lives. Idk what to do atp. So reddit, AITA?

Dahloya

AITA for exposing my ex friends?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186sn9u/aita_for_exposing_my_ex_friends/

186sn9u

So the other day me (20F) and 4 other friends went out to drink(3 girls 2 guys, we're european so it's legal). We had gone drinking before and it had went well so I picked out a rock bar to introduce the other 3 to another friend of mine. The night started normal, there was live music and the drinks were delicious. But then Olivia(20F) and Tony(20M) started to overdo it. We told them to stop but they wouldn't. Olivia spilled an entire glass of beer in herself and Tony bit my hand really hard. Eventually we decided enoug was enough and we should leave. As soon as we left the table we realized there was no way they could make it home by themselves so me and my friend volunteered to take them to their homes while the other guy left. We went to Tony house and I took him to his apartment while Olivia and my friend waited at the street. I was so so mad at them for being this irresponsible, childish and selfish that as I was trying to get Tony ready for bed I began yelling at him. I only got more angry when I realized he was too drunk to even comprehend what i was saying I just threw his pjs at him and left. Olivia's house was further away so we got in the subway and I shit you not this girl straight up pissed herself in the subway while standing mext to us. I muttered" Omg that's disgusting" under my breath and I guess she must have heard it. So we dragged her to her apartment trying to not get pee on ourselves and dropped her off. Next day Tony and Olivia came up to me and asked ME to apologize. I told them that I had nothing to apologize for, that they were functioning alcoholics and that I refuse to go drinking with them ever again. Olivia, mind you this girl gets so black out drunk regularly that she wakes up in the beds of people she doesn't even know with no recollection of how she got there and ALWAYS demands me to come pick her up, told me that I was a bad friend, that I was unthoughtful and selfish. That there was a reason for her drinking and had I been a good person I would help her solve her problems instead of judging her. Tony pretty much agreed with her. I told them we could still hang out but only while they were sober.

Livid_Diver4275

AITA for calling my friends alcoholics?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186srg6/aita_for_calling_my_friends_alcoholics/

186srg6

My(f24) bf(27) has a yorkie (Lilly) that he’s had before he met me. He was gifted Lilly by his aunt & Lilly was taken care of by his sister he lived w at home. His sister walked, fed, bathed, took her to the vet, and groomed her. Now, we have our own place together, and for the past almost 2 years we’ve lived together, I have done everything for Lilly and my own dog. I feed, walk, clean up after, make vet appts & take her to the vet. I do everything besides brushing/grooming her. She hates getting brushed & bathed and she will for sure bite me if I even tried. I do groom and bath my doxie, because he is my responsibility and I understand that. But I refuse to have to pick up all of his dogs grooming responsibilities now that his sister isn’t around to do it for him. I do everything for Lilly aside from the fur maintenance. And sometimes I feel like I’m playing the role of a mom, who has a son, who has a dog he neglects. My main takeaway in this story is that i am asked by him every few months to take her to the groomer on one of my days off because she is so matted and stinky. I get severely slandered and judged for bringing in a smelly, matted, clearly groom-neglected dog in there. The groomers always charge me a fee because of how matted she is. It’s embarrassing & shameful to bring a dog in there that has fur in such conditions. WIBTA if I brought up to him that he has a high maintenance dog & he needs to take more responsibility for her & not depend on me for everything & anything that has to do with our dogs? My doxie was a gift from him so I know that it’s my responsibility to take care of him. But Lilly was his dog before he even met me. And I’ve never seen him take responsibility for her before. I feel it’s unfair that I have to inherit the responsibility he left on his sister. :(

WinnieBeans21

AITA for not taking all of the responsibility for my boyfriends dog?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186t24h/aita_for_not_taking_all_of_the_responsibility_for/

186t24h

We have a favorite board game. It was an obsession years ago but now it’s hard to find people willing to play. Last night, while visiting our son we get to play. Now mind you we’ve talked about how great it would be to play. We haven’t played in over a year. So we get the game and during setup my wife has a chance to basically cut my legs off. I picked a place for an advantage and she literally cuts me off. Sooooo what does this do? Makes me furious because: she not only cuts my chances of winning but also cuts hers as where she picked did harm to me and her; obviously giving an extreme advantage to our son which he is very hard to beat; and pretty much makes the game not fun because we’re both handicapped, the game is now one sided and makes the game very short. I was pissed as all these things happened. She has done this before: singling me out and ruining just my strategy at the cost of her own win. I’m still pissed and vowed never to play again. Of course im the baby in the situation. What do you say? AITA here?

funkywhitesista

AITA because of a game

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186t3wq/aita_because_of_a_game/

186t3wq

I have worked at a marketing franchise for 2 years now. My boss wants to promote me to be a sales rep at the store but I don’t know if it’s the gig for me. At first they wanted to pay me an extremely low salary with a commission, which is something I had negotiated and we came to a a normal base salary and “bonuses”.. usually 1-2% on sales I bring in for extra incentive. But the issue is it’s not necessarily a promotion it’s just a different job title. I would still make as much as I would be making now but with these “bonuses” that may or may not come with orders I bring in. My boss has been trying to get me to do this for MONTHS. I knew it wasn’t really something I wanted to do, but knew it was something I would be good at. This small franchise is unfortunately like family, and i could lose their trust if I tell them I’m interviewing with another company, and then I could potentially not get the job and they don’t want to promote me anymore. Now during this whole period of negotiating the terms of this new “promotion” I also have been interviewing with another company who would pay way more and also has great benefits and is also hybrid 3 days at home 2 days in office. I’ve gone through several rounds of interviews, went as far as talked about the benefits package with HR, and they are doing a background check on me currently. I think I have this job. This obviously is the better option, but in the chance I have been denied this job I haven’t told my boss to make sure I still have this job he is offering me just in case for plan B. Now the problem at hand, I’ve been leading my boss on to think this negotiated job could potentially work and he wants to sit down and write a contract out and starting training with him this following Monday. I don’t want to sign anything until I hear back about this job offer at this other company. AITA for leading him on to make sure I have a plan B? And how do I keep pushing this off until I hear back from this other company?

Jaded_Path_4832

AITA for keeping my boss who wants to promote me around my finger as I get another job offer?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186t4nu/aita_for_keeping_my_boss_who_wants_to_promote_me/

186t4nu

I (27F) have known my stepdad since I was 10 and he became my stepdad officially (as in he married my mom) when I was 11. My dad died from cancer when I was 8. I was a real daddy's girl so it broke my heart and is probably why, no matter how loving and kind my stepdad is, he will never be able to earn the title of dad or take an equal place in my heart or life. And my stepdad is a lovely person. He wanted to be a second dad to me. We discussed this in therapy when I was a kid. He said he would love to have a dad title and nickname and he would love for me to embrace him as the dad my dad sent to me when he couldn't be there. It was during that whole discussion that I revealed dad wouldn't have sent me another dad, because he even said he would be my only dad, in one of our last full conversations, when I was really sad about losing him and I felt nobody understood. My mom and stepdad wanted to know if that was the reason I didn't want to call my stepdad a dad name and let him in as much as I did my dad. I told them even without that I wouldn't have wanted a new dad. We came out of therapy where not everyone was entirely happy. My stepdad was unhappy that he would never hear me call him anything other than my stepdad or his name and that I would not want to work on building a father/daughter relationship with him that would be like what a normal father/daughter relationship would be. I was unhappy that in compromise, I would not correct and they would never correct people who mistook him for my dad and would say it to us. But I had to give something and that was my part of the compromise. Even though my stepdad has four bio kids with my mom now, he still feels a loss that we don't have what he wanted us to have. I love my stepdad. But it's very different from the love I have for my parents. It's closer to the love I have for my uncles honestly. And when my fiancé and I started wedding planning I knew the whole walk me down the aisle/father daughter dance would be an issue. So my fiancé and I planned something more unique. An immediate family dance. For me it would mean one big dance with my mom, stepdad and my siblings. With my fiancé it would be his parents, grandparents (who lived in the same house as him growing up so were immediate family) and siblings. I asked my mom and stepdad if they would like to take part in the dance. My stepdad asked what about the father/daughter dance. I said this would be in place of that, so the whole family could take part. He told me he wanted the father/daughter dance. That he wanted a special moment for just the two of us. I told him I would rather the dance with us all and no father/daughter dance. We had already discussed that I would be walking down the aisle with my fiancé so he was incredibly frustrated and upset that I didn't want a father/daughter dance. He and my mom told me I was wrong. They told me I should do the father/daughter dance and stop trying to come up with anything but. AITA?

Consistent-Fly9399

AITA for asking for a family dance instead of a father/daughter dance at my wedding when I know my stepdad wanted one?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186t5sp/aita_for_asking_for_a_family_dance_instead_of_a/

186t5sp

So I, 20F, am pregnant with two little girls. We have 3 months left of the pregnancy and me and my boyfriend, 20, are so excited! We both grew up in toxic households, I have no with my mum, and very low contact with dad and siblings, more due to being the butt of the jokes due to being significantly younger and the only girl. Boyfriend is also very low contact with his family and sees them on special occasions. Most of my bfs family are okay, the only main problems are his dad, 51, his older brother, 22 and his cousin, 16M. His dad is a raging alcoholic with homophonic and racist tendencies, he’s constantly criticising my boyfriend whether it’s hair, job, money etc, he doesn’t care, he’ll give him crap for, he also is critical of everything I do, and it can be a trigger as I grew up with a mother who was controlling and an almond mom, and he knows this and does this to make me remember how my mum treated me and revel in my trauma. His brother is a complete douche, while drunk one night, he called me Lardy and was nasty about my weight -also recovering from bulimia- and he doesn’t take mine and his brothers relationship seriously and while literally ignoring me, will joke that my boyfriend is cheating on me -he obviously isn’t, he’s doing it to get at my boyfriend and ruin my relationship so my boyfriend can be miserable- his cousin, while I understand are young, is a copycat to his uncle and cousin, so will basically do the same expect he just ignores my existence and joins in with the cheating jokes. Me and my boyfriend sat down and said the rest of the family are allowed to see the girls, grandad, uncle and cousin will not, and we told the other family members this, and we told the three of them, as we’re not gonna allow others the chance to tell them as it’s our decision and between us. When they asked why, I told them it all and they called me a controlling bitch, even though it was a joint decision and he was the one to bring it up. I know these people, they will never change and have no desire to. They want to meet my babies of course, but I don’t want my children around people who with bad ideologies and who are gonna trash their parents, and I won’t allow them around people who are gonna be cruel to them throughout their life, but it’s caused an issue now as I have said they will never get to see them, full blank but now I feel like an asshole thats breaking the family.

throwawaysbdhdjdj

AITA for not allowing my unborn daughters to see my boyfriends brother, father and cousin?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186t77q/aita_for_not_allowing_my_unborn_daughters_to_see/

186t77q

I (24f) teach high school English. I have three class periods each day; however, one class, 4B, is my worst. My phone went missing during that period, and I told them they would not be allowed to leave until it showed up. Five minutes before the bell, it appeared next to the sharpener (the phone was originally in my desk). I’ve had my coffee stolen from my desk in that class and then gaslit, with the student claiming they bought it themselves and questioning why they would take my drink. I’ve even had money stolen, money that was in my purse up until that class. These are not isolated incidents; this class is the only one that’s ever given me this problem, and I know it involves multiple students. They also have an issue with just awful behavior— not listening, leaving my room filthy, back-talking, and just being unpleasant to me. I’ve made the principal aware of the theft and bad behavior, but she says nothing can really be done if I can’t provide names and obvious proof for theft and asked me to be more patient with them. So, I’ve stopped giving that class any sort of special treatment: no rewards for passing tests beyond stickers, no movie days, or fun activities. I’m not going to reward them for being jerks. The kids were asking about a holiday party since my class will be their last before the break. I told them no. They asked if my other classes are getting a party, and I didn’t answer. I laid it out for them that since September, they have stolen from me and acted out during nearly every class. Why would I reward them? They said it was unfair and that we could at least watch a movie before the break. I told them their class couldn’t afford to, and that day would be used for makeup work and re-dos. I made them aware that the other classes do their work and haven’t given me trouble, so if they get a party, then it was earned. One of the students who is fairly quiet and doesn’t give me a hard time in that class approached me and asked if she could be given a library pass for that period, and I told her I’d write her one the day before. I guess word got around, and now I’ve been approached twice by students from that class saying that I’m being unfair to them and picking favorites, and that if my other classes get a party, so should they. AITA?

anythinggoesrose

AITA for not giving one of my classes a holiday party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tfdu/aita_for_not_giving_one_of_my_classes_a_holiday/

186tfdu

I (19F) and my fiancé (20M) have known each other since I was 11 and he was 12. We’ve dated on and off for years, and now that we’re adults we decided no more games, we’re going to get married. For the longest time we’ve talked about having children together one day, but after I moved in with him and brought my cat, i changed my mind. He had a cat and they fight sometimes, the main problem being his cat is a senior and mine is two years old, so his cat could get really hurt by them fighting. At 3am I wake up and separate the cats, comfort them, check on the senior cat, etc almost every night. The cats both scream at night until someone gives them attention, and I’m always the one that wakes up. If he can’t do the basic checking up on a pair of cats, I seriously doubt he’ll ever wake up for a kid. I told him this and he said raising a child is different from raising a cat, but again if he can’t do the least amount of work he’ll never do the most. He seemed crushed I didn’t want children anymore and I do feel bad. Am I the asshole?

Academic_Inspector35

AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want to have kids anymore?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tfj5/aita_for_telling_my_fiancé_i_dont_want_to_have/

186tfj5

I (26F) have been in a happy and committed relationship with my boyfriend (27M) for five years. We've been saving up for our dream wedding and life together. My older sister (30F) has always been jealous of my relationship and has gone to extreme lengths to sabotage it. She spread false rumors about my boyfriend cheating on me, causing unnecessary drama and almost breaking us up. Recently, she got engaged and demanded a lavish, expensive wedding. She expected our parents to foot the entire bill, leaving nothing for my dream wedding. I decided I've had enough of her toxicity and told our parents that I won't contribute a dime to her wedding. They were upset, but I explained the years of emotional turmoil she put me through. Now, my sister is furious, claiming I'm ruining her special day. She's not speaking to me and posted on social media about how heartless and selfish I am. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to fund my sister's wedding after she tried to ruin my relationship?

Brocoleza

AITA for refusing to fund my sister's dream wedding after she sabotaged my relationship?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tgl8/aita_for_refusing_to_fund_my_sisters_dream/

186tgl8

So, I was sitting in a library doing my work and this guy sits beside me, peers into my laptop asking me what I'm doing and also which subject I'm studying in university. My response? Not looking at him when he first spoke, then he said that he was talking to me specifically. So I turned to his side for a second and, with a cold tone, told him that I'm doing some work and resumed doing it. He told me "ohh go on with your work" with a tone on it. I usually smile just for people to feel okay and have a hard time being indifferent. So this made me feel bad inside after it happened. I want to know if this okay behaviour or if I should avoid being this way? I believe the latter somewhat but I want to know

Defiant_Summer744

AITA for rejecting to do small talk in a library

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tgy0/aita_for_rejecting_to_do_small_talk_in_a_library/

186tgy0

I (23F) have been away from home since I moved out at 18 to pursue my studies in medical sciences. My relationship with my parents has been strained since I was a teenager, when my sister began acting up and became entitled and narcissistic. Often times, my parents were incredibly strict on me, regarding things like grades, appearance, weight, life choices, friends, and so on. I then went to university, and it was as if they no longer had to care for me, and thus I got no physical, emotional or financial help from them once I left home. Now I'll make this clear, I did not expect financial aid from my parents, but it seemed it was down to my partner to support me throughout my studies, and not them. And yet when my sister went to university a couple years later, I find out that they regularly visited her, helped her move to different accommodations and kept in good contact with her, despite our universities being the same travel time from my parents' home. I currently live with my (26M) fiancé. We got engaged 4 years ago (today is actually our engagement anniversary!) and I am so happy with him. He is my rock and the love of my life. Earlier this year, me and my partner put together our money that we had saved up and got ourselves our first home. Ever since then, I have been asking my parents when they'd like to visit and see the house, and maybe have a homecooked meal with us. I was always given generic responses like "We'll visit soon." I would also send them photo's and videos of the house progress, but when I got one letter responses back, I gave up. This is in stark contrast to my fiancé's family. They all travelled to visit our home, stayed for a meal, helped us source furniture, sent us cards and housewarming gifts and so on. I asked again a couple of days ago if my parents wanted to come down and visit us before Christmas. Their response was "we'll come in the spring when it's warmer." Now this was news to me because A) my parents currently live in a colder area of the country to me, and are well accustomed to the cold, and B) they haven't expressed this to me once at all, nor showed any wants to visit us in the Summer or Autumn when it **was** warmer. My fiancé's family aren't happy with how my parents treat me. And I'm already irritated with them after they showed no care towards my husband to be after he had a severe health scare a couple of months ago. I'm contemplating confronting them on how they've treated me, however, some of my family members have advised against speaking to my parents, as it could cause a huge family split, and could also negatively impact my current medical treatments and therapy for an unrelated illness. I feel lost, and don't know if this is the right path to take, or if I should just let it go. WIBTA reddit?

Rain_Thorn

WIBTA if I confronted my family for their continued behaviour towards me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186th46/wibta_if_i_confronted_my_family_for_their/

186th46

I work in a shared workspace. I was on a call and after it was over, the person across from me asked to talk to me. She proceeded to tell me that my voice was too loud and asked that I take my calls in a conference room. Lol. I said I’d see, but this is a shared workspace and most everyone takes calls at their desk. AITA?

singlebarrel17

AITA Shared Workspace

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tide/aita_shared_workspace/

186tide

I've got this friend (m29) who for months now I've been trying to put effort into maintaining the friendship and I'm pretty much met with nothing. In person he's totally fine, and he acts like there's nothing up with the friendship. But actually arranging times to meet up in person is almost impossible unless I accidentally bump into him at a family members house (friend of the family). However, I've tried being there for him when he went through a hard time and he basically ignored my message for months. Fair enough, maybe he needed space so I went back a few months after just to check in, see how things are. Now for a bit of context I'm a bit of an annoying texter to some because I have autism and adhd, so I text a bit like this. (each lines as a separate text) Hey, how are you? I just saw this live music thing is on tonight if you fancy going? No worries if not, just didn't want you to feel like no one thought to invite you because X, y and z are all coming. He knows I have autism and adhd, he was actually one of the first people to know. However he said he categorically will not ever respond to me if I send more than one single message at a time, but my brain just doesn't work like that and I find it really hard to remember to do that. Surely refusing to talk to someone over how they text is ridiculous and basically throwing away a perfectly decent friend just because they send more than one text is just dick behaviour? Am I not being understanding enough? I feel like I've done all I can here, given space when needed, tried to include this person in any group outing, tried to invite them to just hang out, messaged when I was worried, tried checking in. I've tried speaking to them about how them doing this genuinely upsets me, because he won't even say no he doesn't feel like going out tonight, he just ignores the message. Same if I ask how he is. But that's not just his personality, he's also friends with my sister and he doesn't treat her like that. What am I doing wrong here? I don't understand and I just feel like I should cut him off because I don't feel like I've done anything that deserves this. I've just tried to be his friend. If anyone has noticed anything in what I've said that would warrant his behaviour please tell me because I can't see it. Thanks.

TiredHumum

AITA to be upset about a friend not putting any effort in?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tn4m/aita_to_be_upset_about_a_friend_not_putting_any/

186tn4m

My 7yo has just had a broken finger at the bowling a week ago when playing with me. His mother and I have been divorced for 5 years now and we have shared custody of him. Doctor said that is a minor injury that will heal in a week or so with just a splint, but she stormed out saying that it would need up to 3 weeks of healing (she is not a doctor). Now she is clamming that my kid can't come to the trip that I planned two months ahead, because of this accident. She even asked the doctor to give her a letter saying that he can't go, and the doctor denied it saying she wouldn't lie on the diagnosis. Since I have the immigration rights of him, I can travel in-and-out the country with him and this will be his first trip; he is more than excited to go since he has never been in an airplane before. She and her family are saying that I'm being too reckless and an asshole for bringing him against her mother wishes or to wait until he is fully recovered, which is no possible since holidays are near. So, AITA for this? EDIT: I might add that this is not his first injury, he has had some before when being with his mom, hence the reason why we have shared custody, and I got the travel rights. I have never resent her for those accidents since I think some of them is a boy being a boy, but now she is storming out out of the blue

cala4878

AITA for bringing my kid to a trip against his mother wishes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tp2q/aita_for_bringing_my_kid_to_a_trip_against_his/

186tp2q

My girlfriend and I have been together just under 3 years. One thing she really hates and has regularly got angry about is people who cheat in relationships which I agree with. There's never an excuse for cheating and we both seemed to have the same values about that. One of my friends cheated on his partner last year, I didn't try to make any excuses for him, I agreed with my girlfriend when she got annoyed and ranted about how wrong he was and I did mention to him that he was out of order for doing it and most of the friendship group agreed. My girlfriend went on a night out with some friends last weekend and the next morning she was talking about it and she mentioned one of her friend who is in a relationship was dancing with other guys, going up to random guys and having her arm around them and she tried to kiss a couple of them. One rejected her and another she only didn't kiss because another of the friends stopped her. My girlfriend was laughing when she was talking about it and I just pointed out that her friend is actively trying to cheat on her bf then. My gf disagreed and said it wasn't like that and she wasn't cheating but I just pointed out that she is trying to kiss other men on nights out so yeah she's a cheat. My girlfriend got annoyed and said I was wrong for talking like that about her friend but I just said my girlfriend is being a bit of a hypocrite considering her previous attitudes towards cheating and her reaction when it was one of my friends. She said I was being unfair to her for nothing but I just pointed out she's making excuses for bad behaviour when it comes to her friends. She just repeated that I was being out of line and too harsh towards her for no reason. AITA for pointing out hypocrisy?

throwra_7063

AITA for pointing out hypocrisy?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tw9q/aita_for_pointing_out_hypocrisy/

186tw9q

Sometimes I over react to stuff so here goes. I've been trying to catch up with seemingly neverending housework. For context my husband and I both work full time. He washes dishes and does laundry but I do all other household tasks plus all spring summer and fall yard work (he does the winter stuff). Last night I asked him to please stop wearing shoes inside the house (we're Canadian so this is weird behaviour) and switch to wearing clean inside shoes instead. I told him his shoe wearing habit is one of the top reasons i struggle to get the floors clean. He says he wears shoes inside because I have a dog who sometimes makes a mess on the floor (the usual doggy kind). I said I understood that which is why I asked for a switch of shoe rather than no shoes at all. He then said this wasn't fair to him and that he wouldn't agree to it unless I agreed to washing the dog's paws every time the dog came in from outside. Like, I'm not asking for perfect floors I'm just asking for a reasonable change in his behaviour to help me feel like washing the floors isn't an exercise in futility. I asked for the least amount of help in this matter that I could think of and instead had another chore added to my list. AITA?

NikkiPotnikk

AITA For asking my husband to wear clean shoes

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186twho/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_wear_clean_shoes/

186twho

Hey, it's my second post here, I'm Finy, 23, from Brazil, male(ish). So, my friends wanted to do a Secret Santa, and I thought it sounded cool, so I jumped in. But then, after we drew names, they decided the budget would be R$10,00 (10 reais, Brazilian currency). For those who don't know, each American dollar is about 5 reais, so that's not a lot of cash. I pointed out it would be tough to get something specific for someone, especially in our group where everyone's into super specific things, and we live in a small town with limited stores. I suggested a different game, but they stuck with the same idea, and I was cool with it. Just for context, even though I thought a slightly higher budget would be better, I get that not everyone in our group has the same financial situation. I drew the name of someone I'm not friends with anymore for a bunch of reasons, and I really didn't want people thinking I bought a crappy gift just because I'm not a fan him. Plus, I didn't want to be "the one who gives crappie gifts in Secret Santa." So, knowing he's into anime, I whipped up a digital art piece merging a Paw Patrol imagme with the Fire Force logo (One of his favorite animes). Took it to a place that prints digital art on shirts and got a tee one size bigger than him (because I knew he wouldn't wear it in public – the dude's REALLY shy, so it's more like comfy pajamas). Cost me R$35,00. On the day of Secret Santa, we exchanged gifts, and I ended up being the last one (got a cool music book for writing sheet music). When I gave him the shirt, the party host got really mad and said she was super disappointed in me because the shirt was clearly over budget. But no one else seemed to care. I explained why I did it, but she was still mad, and that got me down because she's a really good friend. But the guy loved the shirt and said he'd even wear it to the convention he's heading to next month. So, am I the asshole?

GordoBissexual

AITA for not respecting the Secret Sant budget?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186txkd/aita_for_not_respecting_the_secret_sant_budget/

186txkd

More context I have a daughter who is 1 and half year old her son is 2 and a half he is undisciplined very aggressive only looking for an opportunity to hit or push my kid around I’m currently 8months pregnant . Her son is not potty trained she provides no food no diapers and I watch him for 9 or 10 hours a day. She is paying 20$ a day currently

mellyyy1221

AITA for asking my family member for 40$ a day pay for babysitting her son .

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186tzau/aita_for_asking_my_family_member_for_40_a_day_pay/

186tzau

My sister “Lucy” (38) has always wanted a big family. She and her husband “Tom” (40), had their son “Logan” (now 9), but due to complications Lucy couldn’t have more kids. Lucy was devastated. About three years ago, she and Tom decided to adopt. Tom never outright said he didn't want to go through with it, but it was clear to see he didn’t care one way or the other and just wanted Lucy happy. Logan said he didn’t want a sibling. Lucy brushed over all these concerns with the “they’ll get on board eventually” attitude. Long story short, they were eventually matched with boy, “Jack”, who is now 11. Lucy said they all bonded, but Jack had behavioural issues and whenever I saw them, I picked up on the fact that over time Tom seemed to be getting less and less keen, and many times when it was just adults he commented on his worry that Jack had latent issues because of his traumatic past. Lucy adored Jack and rubbished these concerns. I brought up Tom’s hesitation but Lucy said it was just taking longer for him to bond. They officially adopted Jack about a year ago, and since then things have fallen apart. Jack’s behaviour has either got a lot worse or Lucy wasn’t speaking about it as much before, but it’s clear Tom is at his wit’s end. According to Lucy he works late constantly and whenever Jack has a tantrum he helps Lucy calm him down, and then takes Logan and leaves the house. Logan now hates Jack and won’t play with him which causes more issues, and he’s started to act out. He spent his last school holiday with my family and is set to spend Christmas with us again because even the family therapist says it’s good for him to have some space. Having seen this all unfold has been heartbreaking. Tom and Logan look more miserable every time I see them and though Lucy would never admit it, she does too. Whenever I speak to her she talks about how hard it is but always has Tom and Logan at fault. She has never taken any accountability for the fact that she didn’t listen to anyone’s concerns. She called me a couple of days ago to discuss plans for Christmas and when Tom would be dropping Logan off at my home. She again started ranting about Tom has basically shut down at home with her and Jack and how she thinks he’s going to leave. She was calling him every name in the book and then started saying she was disappointed that Logan doesn’t love Jack and she can’t believe she raised a bully. I lost it. I told her the really bully was her, she bullied her family into adoption as a form of wish fulfilment and Tom shouldn’t have indulged her but most of the blame falls on her for destroying her family. She screamed and cried and eventually called me evil and hung up. My parents are now saying I was an AH for telling her that even though we all think it, but I think she needed to hear it, and stop blaming her own child for being unhappy living in the chaos she created.

familyfallingap

AITA for telling my sister it’s her own fault her family is a mess because she wanted to adopt?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186u3ut/aita_for_telling_my_sister_its_her_own_fault_her/

186u3ut

I (26 F) am immunocompromised. The common cold can leave me with high fevers for several weeks, making it hard to provide for myself as I am totally unable to work. Last year, I asked my family if they would let me know if they were feeling sick before we hung out together, as a general rule. They said okay, but ended up forgetting, and as a result, gave me COVID. As a compromise, I have started checking in with them prior to hanging out, with a simple text message stating "Hey, just checking in, is everyone feeling healthy?". After our last gathering, my parents pulled me aside and told me that asking this was not appropriate. They told me I was making them feel like they had germs, and that it was too much to ask of them to tell us if they were sick. AITA here? This seems like a really fair compromise to me, my health is important, but maybe I am looking at it from the wrong perspective? Bonus AITA: I would really love it if we could take turns not coming to functions when we are sick. If people are sick, since it is not safe for me, I stay home. I have asked the family to have the sick person stay home, and they say no, that no one else cares. They told me that I should care more about family than I do about not getting the sniffles.

TaroBorn

AITA for asking my family If they are feeling sick before hanging out with them?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/186u3xx/aita_for_asking_my_family_if_they_are_feeling/

186u3xx

Basically I'm renting a house with a guy & we agreed not to have more than one guy in as part of the agreements. So is it rude for me to tell my 3 friends that I can't have them over for the night. Or should I have gone through with it regardless of how my housemate would react.

SamT71

AITA : Not letting my friends come spend the night with me

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a37aw/aita_not_letting_my_friends_come_spend_the_night/

18a37aw

My neighbor has been out to get me since I found out she’d been taking advantage of me for over two years and accidentally got her in trouble with the HOA because I didn’t know it. Since then, she’s gotten my new car towed and called animal control on our dog 3x. This last time was simply because she walked out with me to my car and back off a leash. Apparently even that short distance and with me, she needed to be on a leash even though all the neighbors do the same thing or worse and don’t get reported. Did confirm with animal control it was her. He said he understands there seems to be a dispute with my neighbor and the best thing to do is to “kill her with kindness”. Anyway, her “just a friend” is over right now and parked in our shared visitor’s spot without a parking pass. WIBTA if I got him towed? I feel like she won’t stop if we don’t do something, but he’s a nice guy and it’s not his fault his girlfriend is a bitch. Then again she didn’t care about potentially getting our dog taken away even though our dog has been nothing, but nice to her.

Peachy_keen25

WIBTA if I get my neighbor’s “friend” towed

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3e2d/wibta_if_i_get_my_neighbors_friend_towed/

18a3e2d

So some time ago I bought a car that was automatic, but I was going to swap it to manual. So I don't need the automatic gearbox anymore. Then I have the automatic gearbox laying around and I don't need it so I was thinking to sell it so I could get some money out of it. Maybe about 100€. I'm a student so money's tight. My friend is helping me to do the swap also so when we took the gearbox out I talked about selling it. He told me that no one wants it, That everyone wants manual one so I should just throw it away or maybe I could let him have a look at it. Meaning maybe disassembling it and researching how it works and stuff. So as I trusted him about the "no-one wants it stuff" I said that yeah he could have a look at it if the only other price is dumpster and it wouldn't go to waste. So now he has took it and put it into his car because his car's automatic gearbox was broken or something. Therefore his car would move anymore without my gearbox that "no-one wants or needs". Then I hear he sold the car too. So now I'm asking money worth the gearbox and he's saying now that the gearbox was going anyway to the junkyard so it wouldn't matter. So I wouldn't be entitled to any money. So I was going to sell it and he says no one wants it and I trust him and then basically he sells it and puts the money in to his pockets. So AITA?

Hefty-Two4869

AITA for wanting money from the car that my friend sold?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3gk5/aita_for_wanting_money_from_the_car_that_my/

18a3gk5

To keep long story short, I keep basics but full story can be found in another trend. I have a friend , who we both worked for a company , she was working part time while also being a full time musician and was working there because her sister was the directors girlfriend. During that time they sponsored my friend concert however offered no help in it, they are both self absorbed and I saw time again screw over friends and employees in company. To keep story short the place was nightmare and when I raised concerns I was pulled in displinary meeting where I was gaslight, insulted and ultimately, led to me leaving and a un aliving attempt. After that I became very protective of my friend, as she was not there at the time and they were sponsoring her event, I did not tell her only saying that I left the company. As we reached the concert she told me she was leaving and was going to be signing with this reputable manager in London. Only to find out after concert that she was now signing a new manager who was green and was friend of the directors( who they had been broking a deal with for some time). I became concerned but she told me, she choose him so she would have more creative freedom and asked if I could help out. I took her on her word but was a bit uneasy about it, only to become more uneased as he dodged meeting and me and my friend were still booking in all the concerts and when she was offered the chance to play at Carnegie, he told her to turn it down as he saw there being no money in it, only for me to work my ass off to make it financial viable for her. Since then other ideas she had that require effort have been veteod and the only booking links to place his friend owns. I been sitting on it now for month and I just can't keep in my concerns, I am afraid I might hurt her and loss her and our friendship if I am wrong but I can't sit on this anymore it eating me up alive. Am I the asshole here, I spoke to friend and ex employees and they all seem to be on the same line of thought as I am

Doesitmatter200592

WIBTA if I tell my friend about my concerns regarding her music manager who was recommended by my ex employer

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3ird/wibta_if_i_tell_my_friend_about_my_concerns/

18a3ird

I recently flew home to the US from Costa Rica to see my family for Thanksgiving. I hate traveling, period, but I did it because I felt it was important to spend time with my family as I had not seen them since July. I also visited because my grandma hasn’t been doing well (she just turned 97) and I wanted to take the time to see her. I spent $1500 on this ticket. I have a dog which complicates things, but was able to be there for two weeks and visited my grandma with my mom twice. I just returned to Costa Rica Friday, and I received a call from my stepdad and mom today (Sunday) that my grandma has taken a turn for the worse. Her heart may be failing. We don’t know what’s going on. I do not feel the need to rush back to see my grandma in a state where she is not really “her,” since I just saw her and had a beautiful few visits and even told her I came all the way back to the cold just for her. And I did. Funerals are for the living. The complication is that my mom is very needy of me - I don’t mean that in a mean way but it’s just how she has always been. I love her dearly, and I’m not sure she would ever forgive me for not being there for the funeral or for her during that time. (Although when my grandfather passed, it felt impossible to help her grieve, she pushed me away). I work remote, so it’s not a huge issue in that regard. The complication will be my dog (who is aging). I can try to bring her again but that’s an extra layer of expense and also stress. I don’t really want to have to fly all the way back and spend over $3k in one month for travel, but is this NTA adults are supposed to do?

puravidaorbust

AITA just visited grandma from abroad, two days later taking turn for worse, do I fly back?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3iyz/aita_just_visited_grandma_from_abroad_two_days/

18a3iyz

I (27M) and my wife (28F) have been living in our beginning house for 3 years. Having 2 kids (2yr and 5mo) and starting our family took my mother in due to a urgent brain surgery that took place almost 2 years ago. Having only memory complications she has shown significant improvement. She has since stopped cleaning up after herself and hides in her room. Due to memory problems we can't have her watch the kids. She refuses to pay for any bills and she continues to pay my brother's bills and taxes when he and his fiance openly won't have kids. We have tried talking to her and asking for some sort of money to pay for the heat which she insists to be at 70°F year round. She also states that she can't move in with my brother because her dog won't get along with their 2 dogs and3 cats. So wife and I said start paying for her portion of the bills or move out? AITA?

SubstantialPrize5406

AITA for telling my mother to move out?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3lxj/aita_for_telling_my_mother_to_move_out/

18a3lxj

So I am planning on getting married in May. I was planning to have six bridesmaids. I had my orignal six and then I had a falling out with one of them who decided they would like to back out of being part of the wedding, which my fiancé and I respected. I still wanted 6 bridesmaids so I decided to ask my cousin! I was excited to be able to ask my cousin be a part of this big day, but when I did she didn’t give me a straight answer. I said will you be a bridesmaid and she said “idk, maybe.” And then I tried explaining what it would entail (buying a dress, going to the rehearsal dinner, and walking down the aisle and standing next to me at the wedding) trying to explain that I’m not doing any of the “extra” stuff, and she still couldn’t give me a straight answer, so I left it at ok, well let me know. It’s been a month now and I do have to plan some things now like flowers, pairings, seating, etc. I don’t know if I should reach out and say hey do you have a decision? Or if she says the same thing say ok nevermind? Like I feel like this is something you should know. But then I’m worried my family is going to be like, well you took it back, you’re an asshole, but she is the one not giving me an answer and I feel like at a point you have to just move on? Idk!

Lonely_Cold1168

WIBTA for taking back a bridesmaid invitation?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3svy/wibta_for_taking_back_a_bridesmaid_invitation/

18a3svy

When we moved in together we agreed that we would split the bills equally (rent, internet, hydro) water is included in our rent. My roommate has a pattern of quitting their job when they get tired of it or whatever without having another job lined up, they also quit a job to go to school where they had a paid apprenticeship but they got paid a lump some at the end of the couple months it took and weren’t paid during school. The times that they were out of a job/not paid yet, I paid the whole amount of bills on my own with the agreement that my roommate would pay it back once they got their pay check from their new job(s). They have paid me back several times when they got those pay checks but not the full amount that they owed because it would have eaten up their entire paycheck and they had to buy groceries and pay personal bills etc. I’ve added up why they still owe me and it is almost $3K, I showed them all the calculations. They now work a stable job and have a much higher hourly pay, but don’t want to give me $3K all at once. I have not paid rent in 2 months (they paid it and I know they have lots of extra income afterwards) and I explained that I will continue this until what they owe me is balanced out. My roommate got pissed that “all their hard earned money gets spent on rent” and they don’t have anything left by the end of the month and that it’s my fault because i’m living rent free. They also said that I need to leave because I’m not paying rent so technically they are the only one allowed to live there (I know this isn’t true and won’t be leaving until I’m paid back) Also if they ever didn’t pay rent I would pay it so that the lease doesn’t get broken but they are obviously capable of affording it right now.

missnancynancyy

AITA for refusing to pay rent because roommate owes me money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a3w5g/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_rent_because_roommate/

18a3w5g

I (30f) am married to "Dean" (31m). I have multiple intolerances and allergies varying from significant stomach ache to ER trip with epipen not helping. Some of them include red meat, offal, fish, seafood, mushrooms and bell peppers. The list is significantly bigger but these are my major ones. My in laws are aware of my allergies and whenever I would come and visit I would make sure to bring my own food. This year it was my time to make Thanksgiving dinner which I was quite happy about as I could make sure I could eat the food too and make sure there was nothing to trigger any of the reactions. My MIL "Ella" has arrived early with a bag of groceries trying to help, but Dean has noticed that there's some red meat, seafood, some sauces with fish and mushrooms in the bag, so he drove back and refunded pretty much everything she to my reactions. Ella was very confused at why as she believed washing the surfaces is enough to get rid of the allergen. She and my father in law were also expected to stay with us for a few days after. Due to all of this I had no choice but to lock the kitchen from them and only unlock it when it was me or Dean cooking. I have told Ella if she wants different food she is free to go out and eat, but I don't feel comfortable with her being in my kitchen and cooking there due to how she treats my allergies. Ella and my father in law left last Wednesday and since then me and Dean (but mainly me) have been getting messages and calls from his entire family calling me a controlling asshole for not allowing a grown up woman to cook food for herself and "controlling her eating".

VeterinarianOk9908

AITA for locking the kitchen and not allowing my MIL in during thanksgiving?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a45ia/aita_for_locking_the_kitchen_and_not_allowing_my/

18a45ia

The title might sound strange, so here is the context. My partner works a camp job on a 2 and 2 rotation, so he is gone for 2 weeks then home for 2 weeks at a time. While he’s away at work, I’m home by myself and obviously the one to look after our 3 cats. I don’t mind doing this of course, I love them to bits. However, I do not love scooping the litter, as I’m sure very few would. It’s a chore I know has to be done, I just hate doing it. So, I asked my partner if he would do the litter while he is home, as I’m doing for 2 weeks constantly while he’s away. He said that it was a ridiculous request, and that they’re OUR cats so we should share that responsibility. I agree on the shared responsibility for sure, but I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick here, having no shared assistance for the periods when he’s away. I feel like this is a pretty reasonable ask? While he is home, he’s on days off and doesn’t have to do a whole lot. But, he’s adamant that it’s not fair. So, AITA?

mccheesed

AITA for asking my (22f) partner(22m) to do the cat litter for 2 weeks at a time?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a49k2/aita_for_asking_my_22f_partner22m_to_do_the_cat/

18a49k2

I 27f have a younger sister 24f. She is a mother to a 2m and has lived independently for almost 2 years as of spring 2024. Earlier this year my life got turned upside down and I was made homeless I had nothing and no one so I asked my sister if I could sleep downstairs on her floor for a bit whilst I sorted myself out. She told me no as her partner doesn’t like me and they had just broken up so she didn’t want to make him cross. Her partner is a former drug dealer with a drug habit that I told her wasn’t good enough for her. She didn’t listen and he thinks I’m crazy. They don’t like me around their son as I once called social services who told me to call the police because they were out of it and took the only working fan out of 1m room during a 40•c heatwave as well as the home being unkept and disgusting. 1m had not a single clean surface in his home. So they have hated me ever since. I don’t want to go. My mum is trying to force me to. But honestly I feel it’s best to just leave things as they are. I’d love to fix my relationship with my sister but at this point it feels like it’s too far gone and I’m just pouring salt in the wound. AITA?

Dry_Candle_Stick

AITA for wanting to miss Christmas at my sisters because she wouldn’t let me sleep on her floor?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4a0l/aita_for_wanting_to_miss_christmas_at_my_sisters/

18a4a0l

So I’m 30F almost 30 weeks pregnant and my mom has not brought up a baby shower for me. I grew up going to all sorts of baby showers for multiple cousins and family members specifically with my mom. My mom even hosted a wedding and baby shower for my sister-in-law. So naturally I figured she’d offer to throw me a baby shower for my first baby. I think it’s odd that she hasn’t even brought it up or mentioned it, with me being this far along. I know they aren’t until a month before birth, but to not even have a discussion? Everyone at work has been asking me if I’m having one and I feel embarrassed for not having any plans. I texted my dad and asked if my mom has even brought it up while at home. She texted me on his behalf and said her and my aunt had been planning to do one. I got a call from her today and she decided she wanted to be honest with me and tell me how she really felt. She offered to give me as much money as it would take to have a baby shower if we could just skip it, because she hates baby showers. I knew this is how she felt the whole time but was just hoping she’d want to make me feel a celebrated with my first child. It’s not even about the gifts or anything. I never see my family, ever, now that I’m older. I didn’t have other typical celebrations families usually have because my mom has always talked me out of them. This time I just want to be normal and make this time in my life special. I yelled at her and told her that she’s ruined a lot of life experiences for me and has caused me to be an outcast with her ways of keeping me distant from the world and lack of celebrating anything in life. I asked her if this is how she treated my sister-in-law. She said that she just felt comfortable enough to share that with me about how she truly felt, and that she was hoping I’d feel the same way. She tried to backtrack and say she’ll throw me one but I told her she already tainted the entire experience. Was I too harsh in my response?

Logical_Beyond4605

AITA for yelling at my mom over her not wanting to throw me a baby shower?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4a6q/aita_for_yelling_at_my_mom_over_her_not_wanting/

18a4a6q

Background info - I (46F) have been with my husband (55M) for 7 years, married for 4. I have a 21 YO son who is mildly on the autism spectrum and who I raised mostly alone. Husband has an 18 YO son and a 12 YO daughter who he raises 50/50. I work full time. Husband is a part time student who lives off some family investments. He owns the house we live in. We keep finances separate mostly. We all lived together as a family for several years until my son left for university 3 years ago and it has been mostly easy. We’ve been lucky - all the kids are nice - although we’ve had a few disagreements about parenting styles and tolerance. My son now has a girlfriend (18) who he lives with. She has gone no contact with her mum - who I believe is bi polar and angry - and didn’t really know her dad. The girlfriend seems nice but has some mental health issues which she gets help for. She seems to love my son and make him happy. This year for xmas my son asked if his GF could stay with us- otherwise my son won’t be able to join us as he doesn’t want to leave her alone. My husband finds having people stay over very stressful - it causes anxiety - so said no. My husbands been dealing with his own mental health issues for the last year so I understand that but it puts me in a tricky spot with my son. I have said that I would want to join my son at his house to help cook and make a fuss if they can’t come here. My son says that would mean a lot to him as it feels more family ish. My husband is very upset about this and doesn’t want me to go. I tried to offer a compromise to my son of paying for an Airbnb for them nearby to sleep at whilst spending xmas day with us - but he says the GF feels unwelcome and awkward now. I have told my husband I might still go to them for Christmas. I didn’t expect this to be an issue as my husband doesn’t like Christmas. His kids will come to us after 2pm from their mums, open presents and then do their own thing until dinner - which is traditionally chicken schnitzel in their family. My husband loves to cook for his kids and cooks nearly all the food in our home (lucky me). My husband is very upset that I’d go elsewhere for Christmas Day and wants me to be with him and his kids. He’s being very unhappy for days and making it clear I’ll be letting him down if I go. I know I’m a part of their family and my son is a grown up but he’s still my son and I feel torn. My son can’t leave his GF alone but wants to see me, husband isn’t comfortable for her to stay, she feels too rejected to stay nearby and visit and my husband feels I should be with him for Christmas. I’m just stuck! I want everyone to be happy.

Initial_Help_2753

WIBTA if I went to my adult sons for Christmas instead of staying with my husband and step family?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4bmm/wibta_if_i_went_to_my_adult_sons_for_christmas/

18a4bmm

I’ve recently moved back in with my grandparents after getting a divorce and struggling to sustain myself financially due to strain ex put on my finances, I 25F moved back in with my grandparents and not other family members cause they were the only ones with the space for me and my 3 dogs so we could get back on our feet. Now to preface this they are old school. As in if you have tattoos or piercings (which I do) you are either a carney or have been to prison. Ever since my divorce I have changed my hair color often and put all my piercings back in and had looked this way for awhile before moving back in with them. Ever since moving back I have been criticized on my looks to the way I eat, dress you name it, it’s been picked apart. I don’t drink unless they’re out of town which is rare, I don’t do drugs, I work and I come home. I have game nights that I go to every now and then but I let them know in advance that I’m going to be out. They let me use their car since mine got totaled last February but I’ve already got money saved for a new one I’m just waiting for my credit to go back up a little so I’m not hit with a high APR. Now here’s where it gets interesting. Ever since I’ve moved in I’ve been treated like I’m 16 and not 25, I pay my own bills and have never asked for help money wise. I have to be up by 8 or they start yelling for me to get up, then I’m yelled at to go feed my dogs, then I’m told I should just get rid of them( even though they want to keep one to keep critters away) or if I’m in the bathroom to long literally the list could go on forever. I’ve told them multiple times that they’re treating me like a child and that it’s causing me unnecessary stress. My solution: move into the basement so I can have some physical space, and printing out a set of rules of things that are off limits. I plan to have this conversation soon and have my brother mediate because he agrees that they’re being to controlling. My only problem is anytime I’ve tried to have a conversation they throw a massive fit and try to make me feel guilty about being upset. So Reddit AITA? I will gladly answer any questions and take any advice cause it’s honestly starting to mess with my physical health.

Beautiful-Print-4057

AITA for setting boundaries

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4l8b/aita_for_setting_boundaries/

18a4l8b

AITA for Refusing to Continue Carpooling with Unpredictable Pickups in Freezing Weather?Hello. I'm a 17 year old female. I currently don't have a vehicle. I attend these evening classes every day from 5:00 to 9:00. I hate missing out on these classes. Last year, I used to drive with a friend, Anastasia, because she didn't have a ride. Even though her house is just 3 minutes away by car, we had to pick her up. I'm always on time, never absent, and I don't charge her for the ride. I have a set time with her when I pick her up and I am not inconsistent. My brother used to get a ride with Anastasia's family, but now my mom found a different ride for him.This year, I don't have a ride, and Anastasia's parents offer to take me. However, Anastasia is absent a lot, and when she is, her parents don't take me either. Maya, who drives the car, sometimes makes me walk across the street to pick me up, and the timing can be unpredictable. I don't want to sound rude by setting a consistent time with her because it may put me in a bad light. Standing outside in the cold, especially in Canadian weather, isn't fun, and it bothers me that she makes me cross the street just for an easier route. She makes me do that because I live in a townhouse which is 2 townhouses facing each other on one end of the road. It is "hard to get out of."We used to pick up Anastasia directly from her house, even if it wasn't on our way. We never made her wait, and we always had a set time. But a few days ago, I waited outside in the snow and cold for 15 minutes but they didn't show up. When I went back home, I found out they cancelled because Maya had a headache and forgot to tell me. It was a tough day for me because my family wasn't well off, and my dad got arrested back in September. I can't afford a taxi or bus every day, but I had to use my money that day. The next day, I told my mom I didn't want to go with them anymore. When Maya came to pick me up, she waited 5 minutes, then called my mom. My mom sarcastically told her I didn't want to go with them anymore. I was kind of still angry about what happened that day and the one before, Maya stayed quiet the entire ride there and the car was filled with an awkward silence. She did later ask me about my ride yesterday and told me in a kind of harsh tone "It is not my fault I had a headache yesterday." In a mad tone. It was obvious that she was upset and it made me question if I was a bad person for doing that. She conveyed that through her tone. So, AITA? Edit 1: When I used to pick her up, she left me waiting for around 5 minutes. I also didn't plan on cancelling the ride that day because I wanted to go 5 minutes later instead of waiting out in the cold. It so happened that she came early that day.

shizuko_zuko

AITA for upsetting someone after refusing to continue carpooling with unpredictable pickups in freezing weather?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4mu1/aita_for_upsetting_someone_after_refusing_to/

18a4mu1

I (22f) have a very complicated relationship with my dad (42m). This situation is unfortunately common, I looked up to him my entire childhood until it was revealed he was living a double life and had multiple affairs during my parent's marriage, this happened when I was about 16. My mom (40f) is the most selfless, caring person who dedicated her life to him. The last mistress he had, named Amanda (25f) is the woman he's with now. I now hold quite a grudge as the oldest, single daughter of a father. This woman has not been respectful to me, my little brother, or my awesome mom who deserves none of what happened to her or the aftermath of her and my dad's divorce. This girl has been nasty online to us and has called me and my mom names. They are both very much in the "us against the world" mentality and don't really care about the implications of their relationship or actions. So I live out of state right now and plan on moving back to my hometown where both my parents live early next year. My dad has also announced that Amanda plans on moving in with him around this time. She is from a town about 8 hours away from my dad. She is uprooting her entire life to be with him, leaving her mom, her job, her friends, everything to move in with my dad in a town she is not familiar with. When I'm back in town and eventually meet her for the first time, I am planning on inviting her to lunch and giving her a big pep talk about the reality of her situation. While we did have a bad start online and I will call her out for that, I just want to emphasize to her how bad of an idea this is. My dad is a narcissist, cheater and manipulator. When he was with my mom he cheated with at least 3 different women, one who he was seeing for 5 years. He is going through a severe midlife crisis and is with her because she's young and fun, that's about it. She is sacrificing so much to probably get screwed over in the end. I want to tell her the whole truth about the downfall of my parent's marriage and their divorce, because I am almost certain she does not know the whole truth about my dad's actions. ALSO!! My dad has already cheated on her with my mom towards the end of their divorce being finalized. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that. I think I might be the AH because I really feel like I'm acting from a place of hatred and disgust for the kind of man my dad is and the audacity this woman has had at times. And I assume my dad will be quite mad at me for speaking up. But he is someone who is never told no and never takes any accountability for his actions. So WIBTA??

Worried-Violinist-44

WIBTA if I told my 42M dad's 25F girlfriend the entire truth about him?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4p0v/wibta_if_i_told_my_42m_dads_25f_girlfriend_the/

18a4p0v

Hey everyone so this goes back a very long time but my brother John is 12 years younger than me. Last year I decided to let him move in with me after I found out he was living in his car after his room mates kicked him out. I only asked him to keep a job and pay 550 for rent. This will cover everything including groceries. Since he has lived with me he has lost over 4 jobs, been late on rent multiple times and bought a car that cost more than I ask for in rent. To clarify, he has lost his jobs due to staying out late and than showing up late for work. I have given him multiple chances and even gave him advice that goes in one ear and out the other. On Thanksgiving I found out he was suspended for a week due to talking on the phone(his job was transportation of cars), he claims this is false but he was already written up multiple times due to this and attendance, I gave him a choice to either move out the first or pay one more month of rent and move out next month. He decided to ignore me and only pay his car payment. So I told him he has a few days to move out. My mom is now asking me to give him until next month to find a place, I believe this will teach him a good lesson on taking care of business and you will not always get hand outs. AITA?

forsakenqueen1990

AITA for not letting my brother live with me

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4pi4/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_live_with_me/

18a4pi4

So I (24 F) have a brother that’s 19 (M). We have a really bad relationship with our father who has been a present absent dad (he just lives with us). Recently my brother found a trust fund card and asked my dad about it. My dad told him that there was nothing in there and not to worry. Here’s some context, my dads had a gambling addiction in the past and would take money that my mum saved for me and my brother to gamble. He would often ask for money too. He recently stole 1000 of my brothers money while he was away from his bank account. My brother wasn’t aware until he came back. He had my brothers card and was able to take out money My brother sent me a picture of the trust fund card and I did some digging. About 20 mins later I was able to access my brothers trust fund. To my surprise he had money in there but it was all due to interest. My dad had not put in money since he had opened it almost 19 years ago. I transferred all the details in my brothers name so that my dad would not have access. I debated telling my brother as I wanted the account to grow but months later I made him aware of it. I was 1000% sure my dad would have used that money for himself. Unfortunately my dad has found out about it and is gaslighting us and calling me an asshole for doing this. He is lying and saying he was waiting until my brother was ready but we know that’s bs. Am I the asshole here?

Prinski_Fly25

AITAH for removing my dad off my brothers trust fund.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4ryk/aitah_for_removing_my_dad_off_my_brothers_trust/

18a4ryk

For context, I’ve been talking to this guy for a while, he’s cool other than how weirdly he comments about my body and how vague and confusing the shit he says is sometimes. Last night, he was snooping through a friend of mine’s social media and he asked me how old she was. I asked how old he thought she was and he said the correct age. After that, he said he was shocked and told me to listen to two songs. I have to admit, I don’t like listening to music outside of my preferred taste so I didn’t want to listen to it but I figured since lots of people find music expresses their feelings better, I should just suck it up and listen to them. I listened to the songs and I honestly could not understand what I was supposed to be getting from them. The songs seemed incredibly unrelated to shock and I couldn’t understand how those related to finding out my friend’s age. So I messaged him back saying I didn’t understand what I was supposed to be getting from the songs. He then said it’s what’s going through his head but if I don’t get it then nvm. I wanted to understand what he meant so I then asked if the songs were supposed to be telling me that he’s “feeling dangerous and needs to be blessed”. Then I just got frustrated that it feels like it’s a continuous guessing game with trying to figure out what he’s saying so I apologized and said I was going to bed and Goodnight. After I said that, dude then texts me saying he should probably stop getting attached to girls. What the actual fuck am I supposed to do with that information. I figured he was upset with me so I apologized for getting frustrated and I explained why I got frustrated. He responded with “mmmm”. I feel like I might’ve been an asshole for getting frustrated about it but at the same time, was all the beating around the bush really necessary?? And it’s a fucking constant thing with him so it just got me really annoyed.

scabbedfairy

AITAH for getting frustrated someone told me to listen to some songs instead of just telling me what was wrong?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4sr8/aitah_for_getting_frustrated_someone_told_me_to/

18a4sr8

To preface this, I’ve known my best friend for a decade and by now I feel like I have a good understanding of who she is, what she likes and how she feels at a deep level. A couple of years ago, she started liking this guy she worked with. It was fun and games, whatever. Slowly they became a thing and at first it was fine. However, the relationship turned very sour. She turned into a completely different person. The girl who used to never drink was now getting blackout drunk on the regular. She started talking differently. She ate differently (she used to eat real healthy). She stopped working out. She went to old man bars when she would once only go to fancy ones. She just changed. I could accept that it if wasn’t for the rest of it. They were in a constant cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Every time they broke up, I picked up the pieces. Brought her down to my sisters hours away to help her get over him. A racist, he made fun of her previous relationship history with Muslim men and told her nobody else would want her. They’d have physical fights in bars and get kicked out. And every time, I’d be the one helping her and picking up the pieces. Now they’re “on” again and she’s acting like nothing happened, sending me selfies of them together and it just feels like a massive insult. I’ve had my own gripes about my relationship and tried to talk to her about it, but she says it’s different with hers because she is “madly in love” and that I’m only with my guy because I have low self esteem. Generally, just unsupportive. I know that she’s in her own unhealthy bubble and I should be supportive but this has been going on for a year and a half now and I just feel sick of dealing with it. I don’t want to pretend that I support this relationship anymore, but I don’t want to lose my friend. Last night she sent me a picture of her drinking with him and watching football and it just infuriated me so much because 1. It’s just so not her and 2. it feels like she’s taking the P by almost showing off her terrible relationship after everything i’ve had to deal with because of it. I’m at the point of thinking I should walk away because I’ve got my own shit and mental health issues going on but I also feel guilty for when her relationship inevitably screws up again and she’s sad. AITA for detaching?

Usual_Cheesecake3763

AITA For Wanting To Step Away From My Best Friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4umf/aita_for_wanting_to_step_away_from_my_best_friend/

18a4umf

I(m18) have a younger brother(m16). We've always gotten the same alowance (and other privileges) from our parents, despite having a two year age difference, which means my younger brother always got more at the same age than I did. I always perceived this as kinda unfair, but never cared all that much. Recently, I graduated and got my first job. My parents talked to me about not giving me an alowance anymore, since I'm earning money now, which I agreed with. It seems perfectly reasonable to me. Now to the issue: they recrntly told me that they intend to give my preveous alowance to my brother, doubling hid alowance. I think thats just fundamentally unfair. Now he will get way more spdnding money than I ever had before working for it. Now don't get me wrong, I love my brother and of course it's their money, so they can do with it whatever they want. Therefore I feel kinda petty being upset about it. So reddit, aita?

Thanaskios

AITA for being jealous of my younger brothers allowance?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4umy/aita_for_being_jealous_of_my_younger_brothers/

18a4umy

My roommate and I signed a lease for a year together, both names on document. This person is a family friend. 3 months into living together, they got engaged and said they’re moving out when getting married - 7 months into the lease (5 months early from lease, a 4 month engagement). I asked how they’re going to help pay their half of the rent. They said I should’ve known they were going to get engaged to their partner because it was a serious relationship when we signed the lease. I said I never would’ve lived together if I knew you were going to bail early. The roommate said they were unwilling to pay for the apartment after getting married. I said if you don’t pay your half, the landlord will get police involved. I mentioned they’re a family friend - they told my sibling to figure this problem out with me. My sibling took the roommate’s side, I’m not sure why. I told my sibling I’m willing to have another roommate if the old one can find a replacement. I also said maybe someone would be willing to move in at a cheaper rate while the old roommate split the remaining half with the replacement. Ex: I pay $500, new roommate pays $250, old roommate pays $250 till lease is up. This created some family drama because half the family agreed with me that bailing early and leaving it on me was rude and frankly illegal and the other half thought it was only my business to figure it out. The old roommate did find a replacement roommate who would pay the $250, they also paid $250, and I paid $500. The old roommate said they felt like they were “walking on eggshells” around me the 4 months from engagement to marriage/moving out and the situation ruined the friendship. My sibling said, “that sucked you guys didn’t work it out living together.” In retrospect, to keep the friendship and family getting along, I wouldn’t have fought about the money and instead chosen to let it go. AITA?

Flashy-Pilot492

AITA roommate rent disagreement

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4wwn/aita_roommate_rent_disagreement/

18a4wwn

My (25F) sister (37F) was excited about going to a nature hotel for Christmas with all our family members included. She sent me pictures of the place, it was a very nice place to stay for Christmas. My boyfriend and I live together and we both have 2 dogs. We’re leaving our youngest (a border collie) in daycare for those days were going to be gone. But we also have a Golden Retriever who is 3 years old and he has grown to dislike male dogs. He’s also not used to daycare, and gets separation anxiety when he’s not with us. Our BC on the other hand is more social and outgoing with others, doesn’t mind to sleep somewhere else, etc. The first thing I asked my sister was if I was allowed to take Noah(our golden.) since there’s no one of the fam who can take care of him on Christmas, such a special date. She said yes, that dogs were allowed. I told her then we were going that it wasn’t an issue. She made the reservation and had to pay some for us to get the place for that day. She sent me out the link which said dogs are not allowed. I then ask her again, hey are you sure they are allowed? I sent her a screenshot of the part of the link where it said they weren’t. She again said “i’m sure the owner of the place won’t say no to us paying him a lot of money just because of a dog”… i talked this out with my boyfriend and he said we should confirm with the owner. I texted him via Whatsapp and he told me that dogs were 100% not allowed. I sent that out to my sister and she says “we see what we’ll do”. I told her that if Noah can’t go then we can’t either. She got angry at me yelling that we had to pay our part because she can not pay for what we were meant to pay. I told her that i was not going to pay a lot of money if we weren’t going. She said that our dog was our problem and we needed to see how we solved it. That it was up to me to see if dogs were allowed or not. I told her she lied to me and that I was not going to pay, because we were not going. AITA?

sunshineluvvv

AITA for refusing to pay my sister the reservation she made when I found out dogs were not allowed?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a4zwr/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_my_sister_the/

18a4zwr

We were playing a game of "Who's Most Likely To" with his family. I forgot the specific question one family member asked but all of sudden he called his sister a freak. He meant the sexual meaning of freak. It rubbed me the wrong way but maybe I am overthinking it. I decided to confront him about it and how it made me feel to which he responded "Um I guess she a freak then".

Lower_Restaurant_328

AITA for Judging my Partner for Calling his Sister a Freak?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a54x3/aita_for_judging_my_partner_for_calling_his/

18a54x3

I have an invisible disability too (low support needs autism) but look able-bodied. She is physically disabled and in a wheelchair. I've become resentful of her asking for my assistance for physical tasks when her staff isn't here. Her staff are paid for their work, I am not, but said neighbor tries to insist I take food that she gets from the food bank and doesn't want. My long-distance partner is visiting me right now and says it's inappropriate for my neighbor to ask for my assistance after 9 PM at night before her night staff arrives. I, my neighbor, and my partner are all adult women who are either lesbian or bisexual. Neighbor has previously claimed to have a girlfriend who doesn't live with her. My partner says my neighbor is trying to hit on/flirt with me when we hang out and is disrespecting the fact that I already have a partner. I don't particularly enjoy helping my neighbor, but don't mind hanging out with her for brief periods of time if I am not expected to assist her. If there's a better subreddit to post this in, please direct me to it. I'm especially looking for input from other disabled redditors. (My partner is disabled as well - she is blind).

LilyoftheRally

WIBTA if I choose not to help a disabled neighbor?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a58o8/wibta_if_i_choose_not_to_help_a_disabled_neighbor/

18a58o8

Need unbiased opinions here because I’m (18f) very stressed and upset but here it goes: Every year my family decorates the Christmas tree together in the living room. This year has been particularly hard on us, this month especially. My parents (49m and 44f) were served court papers a few weeks ago due to my sister (15f) school absences due to her poor mental health. This has taken a huge toll on my parents and have caused them to be extremely depressed. Since then, all they do every day is tell me how sad they are and how we might lose the house, their jobs and how we’re all going to lose everything. Sometimes, they get angry and they yell at me about it. Every day, I have to smile and tell them that it’s okay, even though I’m on medication for my mental health as it is. I’ve recommended my mother to get medication and she says “she can but she doesn’t have time for it”. My girlfriend also struggles with her mental health and leans on me and talks to me about how sad she is every day. I do my best to support everyone, I love all of my family but all this stress and sadness is eating me alive. Everyone around me is just so fucking sad. But I was trying my best to keep it all together. And because of all of this, we haven’t been able to decorate the tree this year like we always do as a family in the living room. Today, my parents got angry and yelled at me saying “why haven’t you done it yet?” and I’m confused because we always do it as a family and they never explicitly asked me to do it. They then yell and say “fine. We’re not doing it then”. At this point, I lost my temper. I yelled and screamed and cried how unfair this all is on me, how I shouldn’t be their crutch. How if they should stop wallowing in their sadness and actually do something about it. How I always ask how they are but nobody asks how I am. How I’m always the support and how sick and tired I am and how I just want to get better. They said I ruined Christmas for them and I yelled how it was already ruined from the start and how they just want someone to blame for how they’ve been acting. How I can’t do this anymore. Reddit, AITA for blowing up at my parents and ruining Christmas?

No_Author8031

AITA for “ruining Christmas” for my family?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a596x/aita_for_ruining_christmas_for_my_family/

18a596x

So I don't really know how this works and it's my first post here but I guess I'll start with the context. I'm a 17yo male and I have a 14yo sister. I am in my last year of high school and have a part time job and recently got an acceptance for university out of province. It may also be important to note that as of January, I'll have the courses to graduate and still get accepted. So for what happened, I guess it started with my sister asking me to give her a ride to the grocery store and get lunch. I figured I had time to have lunch myself, shower and get ready for the day, and finish studying beafore I left for work in 2 hours. So, I said yes. After coming back and making lunch, my parents accuse me and my sister of arguing and tell us that, because our non existent argument made them so mad, they hadn't gotten the house ready for company that would be there in 20 min. I had no idea there was people coming over. This also ment, I couldn't take a shower as my bathroom is in the basement and my bedroom is on the second floor. I wasn't about to walk through half our church congregation in a towel. More than that, I was still in pajamas. They wouldn't let me get ready or changed or anything. This is where I may be in the wrong. While i did help instead of getting ready, I made it very clear that I wasn't happy with them. I told them as much as said it wasn't my problem they were watching TV instead of getting ready. Also that it wasn't fair to make me clean less than half an hour beafotr they get here instead of getting ready for work. Now, I'm walking to the grocery store again still in pajamas and my work starts in 30 min and I'm still not ready. I don't even have a way to get there since they took the keys to my car and it's impossible to walk there. Out of rage I also texted my boss and told him I would work on Christmas and told my parents I would be graduating early and leaving because of this. Weather or not I was beafore, I probably am now for that. So, AITA and is there anything I could/should do?

Ornery-Interview-107

AITA for not wanting to help clean the house for company?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a5bhs/aita_for_not_wanting_to_help_clean_the_house_for/

18a5bhs

To say the least, me (F) and my mom do not have a good relationship (think narcissistic parent). My fiancé (M) and I have been together for 7 years and through those years we’ve kept our mothers separate because my mom liked to question people if they’re “sure” they want me in their lives and tell them how “ungrateful, lazy, etc” I was. After my mom kicked me out my MIL found out and told me her doors were open. She took me in, gave me a home, and showed me the care, love, and support I hadn’t felt from my mother while growing up. During my time living in her home I opened up to her about my relationship with my mom and why I wanted to keep them separate. And she expressed understanding but also said she already had an impression of me which my mom couldn’t tarnish. This lead to them meeting for the first time. They met maybe 2-3 times in the years we’ve been together and only one interaction was for more than a couple minutes. Fast forward to now, my MIL very recently passed away and her funeral is coming up. I don’t want my mother there because leading up to everything she’s been saying how kind my MIL was and how she’s thankful for her being so kind to me. My mother has NEVER apologized for anything she did to me and although I’ve forgiven her anyway, I don’t see a need to have her at the funeral since I know she’ll just talk about my MIL as though she knew her and just the thought of that infuriates me. I’ve expressed to my fiancé that I don’t want her at any of the events because I don’t need or want her “support” in this time. He insists that I should “give her a chance to say goodbye” and that it’s “kind of messed up” for me to keep her from such things but still invite my sibling.

water-lily-flow

AITA for not wanting my mom at my MIL’s funeral?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a5gb6/aita_for_not_wanting_my_mom_at_my_mils_funeral/

18a5gb6

I (M33) live with a friend of mine (M28). Pretty soon after I moved in, his cat pooped on my bath mat in my bathroom while I was out. Within the next week or so the cat used my room as a bathroom once again. I know some cats can be difficult with this stuff and my initial thought is that was the case here, but it was also around this time I noticed my roommate hadn’t cleaned his cat’s litter box in the 10\~ days since I moved in. I asked him to clean it and said he needs to be cleaning it like every other day at least to make sure it’s clean enough for the cat to use. He cleaned it that night, but once again waited another 2\~ weeks to clean the litter box the next time, and in that time span his cat once again pooped in my room. This time it was on my bed. When I brought this up with him, he laughed, and I had to respond and tell him it isn’t actually funny - it’s disgusting - and he needs to regularly clean the litter box. This process basically repeated itself every other week for about 3 months. Almost every time I brought up his cat using my bedroom as a bathroom, his response was to laugh and simply tell me to shut my door. I DO keep my door perpetually closed now as a result of this, but I also find it utterly ridiculous that I have to push a grown man to regularly clean his cat’s litter box when she’s using the rest of the apartment as a bathroom, and he straight up refuses to and says “it’s fine”, and says I should just shut my door instead. Beyond this, when bringing up any issue related to him that negatively affected me, his default response was to laugh, and then downplay the problem. This kind of inconsiderate behavior extended to dishes, laundry, etc - typical roommate stuff, but every time I’d bring up an issue with him, he’d demur, downplay the issue, and try to laugh it off. Ultimately, it made having a conversation to address any problems next to impossible. After about 3 months of this, and after telling him multiple times that I wouldn’t just tolerate his inconsiderate behavior forever, his cat took a shit on my weighted blanket. If you’ve used these things, you probably know they’re a pain in the ass to wash. Anyway, I snapped, and I straight up called him a “stupid, useless fucking child” who is “incapable of functioning like an adult”. He was hurt, but by this point I was beyond caring. It’s now 2 months after that (and he still won't regularly clean the litter box), and the situation came up with a mutual friend. He thought what I did in this situation was “far worse” than what my roommate did and was “verbally abusive”. I can understand the thinking for the latter part - what I said was mean - but I felt shocked that he thought name-calling my roommate after MONTHS of asking him to handle his basic responsibilities was significantly worse than my roommate’s extremely inconsiderate behavior leading up to that moment. And yes, I’m likely moving out in the near future. So AITA?

Glum-Cauliflower-206

AITA for name-calling my roommate after the refused to clean his cat’s litter box regularly for months?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a5i24/aita_for_namecalling_my_roommate_after_the/

18a5i24

She and my mom were helping me move things into my dorm and I point blank said I would rather her not come in my dorm with me. I didn't say why at first. She was wearing pajama pants, a shirt that didn't match, sandals, and her hair was all matted. I have a hard time making friends and I try really hard to present well. I didn't want to be associated with someone who looked like I picked up off the street. I didn't say why at first and just said that she's already cozy in her pajamas so maybe she can wait in the car. So she doesn't have to get uncomfortable. Then she and my mom still said no. So I basically said I didn't really want her coming dressed like that. It isn't her but just her outfit. But they got mad at me. I'm offended that I'm not allowed to be embarrassed and uncomfortable but my sister is allowed to be upset. AITA **Edit: it wasn't a college move. They (aka just my mom and me) were just helping me carry 4 pieces of luggage from going home over the weekend. I didn't ask my sister to come. She didn't even help carry anything. And this may be offensive to some but she is also really obese and doesn't pull her pants up to her waist. She literally has her stomach hanging out is her shirt rides up any. I'm also not skinny and I don't care if she's fat, it's just that she doesn't even try to look decent. And she never wears a bra. At 15. She refuses. She will lose it if you ask her to. Which is her choice. More power to her I guess. But the shirt she had on today did no favor for her saggy breasts. I don't want people being mean to her or thinking that my family neglects her. I don't worry about jusgemnt on a fashion level. I mean, I dont want people thinking my family literally neglects her. That is embarrassing if people think my parents neglect my sister. And she is such a beautiful girl, really. Her natural beauty is insane. It's like she was born with perfect facial features. But it's hard to see that when she doenst care for her skin, hair, or clothing. I'm sad because I wish she would own her beauty. I know she lacks confidence so I was TA for not helping but I also hate seeing her not showing people how beautiful she is. She has am amazing soul and she could be so pretty if she put even a drop of effort in. I want the world to love her like I do. And I ended up being a jerk in doing so. **Edit 2: OK, I accept my title as TA. But let's remember not to make judgements on my character or my ability as a sibling as a whole. I'm TA in this situation. But you do not know me well enough to judge every aspect of who I am. As for the reason I struggle with making friends, I have selective mutism. So let's not shame me for a disorder I am really embarrassed about ok? I literally couldn't be mean to people even if I wanted to, which I don't. I wasn't even trying to be mean here. But seen as I literally am mute in most public instances, I can't actually say anything to people. So enough with the "we know why you don't have friends" comments.**

Just-a-human-bean54

AITA For refusing to let my sister come visit me in my dorm because she looked bad

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/18a5i9m/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_sister_come_visit_me/

18a5i9m