The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1841-08-20 00:00:00

AIILNER'S FIRE-PROOF BOXES

To ERCH ANTS. BANKERS, & MANUFACTURERS.
TOORSANGER'S newly-invented METALLIC EM-
BOSSED PENS possess the flexibility of the Quill,
with the preservation of elasticity to a much greater degree
than any hitherto offered to the Public. They are so re-

markable for producing beauty and clearness in writing, as to
render them distinguished in numerous public offices, which
is the greatest testimony of their excellence.

lr Beware of counterfeits. Each genuine Pen is marked
Voorsanger, warranted."

The PubliC is hereby cautioned not to purchase Pens of
awkers for Voorsanger's, as no Hawker is supplied with

le above

May be had of LACE and ADDISON, Standard-office, and
all other Stationers and dealers in such articles.

CRICKET MATCH EXTRAORDINARY BETWEEN THE
GREENWICH AND CHELSEA PENSIONERS.—This novel

....
match between the one-arm and one-leg pensioners came off
on Monday and Tuesday, at Hall's cricket ground, Camber-
well, and excited much interest and mirth from the various
falls which occurred during the play. The charge of admit-
tance to the ground was 6d., and on Monday there were full
2000 present. It was obvious from the first that the Chelsea
veterans, being much older,_and at the same time mostly
. _

men who had lost a leg, would have no chance against the
Greenwich tars. The result of the match thoroughly justi-
fied this conclusion, the Chelsea pensioners scoring only 19
runs, while the Greenwich tars got 176. The best of feeling
and good fellowship pervaded both parties throughout, and
it was not the least interesting part to witness the old boys
dine together, reminding us in its truest sense of n " United
Service Club." They had a good luncueon of bread, cheese,

and porter befot'e they commenced play, and for dinner,
quarters of lamb, and roast and boiled beef in profusion.
On their departure they each had a noggin to drink the
Queen's health, arid lOs in cash for their two days' exertions,
besides their free passage to and fro. It is 16 years since a
similar match took place between the two institutions, which
was played in Montpelier-gardens, Blackheath, when the
Greenwich heroes come off victorious.
A POSSIBILITY.—"U ever I die," said an old maid the
other day, " I believe I shall be carried off with an affection
of the heart."

On the shutters of a house in Duke-street, Lincoln's Inn-
ields, is a paper fixed, on which is written "Empty. No-
Pody hear."

EXPEDITIOUS.—Letters are now brought to New York
from Calcutta in eight weeks—a distance nearly half round
the globe. With the same speed, a man would travel round
the earth in sixteen weeks. This is a striking evidence of the
march of improvement in the present age.
Certain great works should be read frequently, and at diffe-
rent periods of life, to be thoroughly felt and understood.

A policeman, in tendering evidence in one of the London
olice-offices on Saturday, said that the prisoner was using
obscene language." On being pressed for his definition of
ibscenity of expression, he replied that the defendant was
damning the police."

COURTING SCENE.—" Jonathan, did you read that are
story about the man as was hugged to death by the bear?"
Guess I did, Sewke, and it did make me feel so bad."

" Why, how did you feel, Jonathan ?" " sort'er
as if I'd like to bug you eenamoat to death. tew, you tarnal,
nice, plump, elegant tittle critter, you, ocn h.." "o.la t
Go away, you—Jonathan."—American paper.
A GOLD MINE AND BETTER.—II is said that there is a
coal formation near Lowell. If so, what a prize !—New
York Herald.
The editor of the New York Baptist Register says he
listened to a discourse a few Sabbaths since from Father
Harvey, now in the 107th year of his age.
Whoever is found in bed after seven o'clock, from May
till Michaelmas, cannot in any conscience expect to be free
from some ailment or other, dependent on relaxed nerves,
stuffed lungs, disordered bile, or impaired digestion.
It is a curious fact, that in the times of the commonwealth
the Jews presented a petition to Cromwell, praying him to
grant them St. Paul's Cathedral for a synagogue.
The editor of the American Traveller thinks the best snuff
in the world is a snuff of the morning air.
" Be content with what you have," as the rat said to the
trap, when he left his tail in it.
TAKE CARE.—When travelling, never tell how much
money you have in your pockets ; if you do, it won't be there
long.

The following matrimonial advertisement appeared in a
Concord (N. H.) paper:—" Whereas I, Daniel Clay, through
misrepresentation, was induced to put my wife, Rhoda, in
the papers ; now beg leave to inform the public that 1 have
again taken her to wife, after settling all our domestic broils
in an amicable manner ; so that every thing as usual goes on
like clock work."
Men of elevated mind fall down before merit ; ordinary
men fall down before success. With the latter, success
justifies every thing ; with the former, success itself reynires
to be justified.

The power of the journalist, says the New Monthly Maya-
zine, is immense : experience enables us to assert confidently,
that twenty thousand addresses, printed separately, and
circulated with the most energetic diligence, would not pro-
duce the effect of one advertisement.

" Circumstances alter cases," as the cat said when she
jumped on the printer's case.—" I shall not die unheard,"
as the pig said when the butcher stuck him.

A new bass singer has lately appeared at New Orleans,
who sings so remarkably deep that it takes nine Kentucky
lawyers to understand a single bar.
Sir Walter Scott was under the necessity of fitting out his
eldest son as a cavalry officer. When the bill was brought
to him, he observed to the expectant schneider, " It takes
nine tailors to make a man, but only one to ruin him."
In this world of hatred and contention, the love even of a
dog is worth living for.
We blame an Armenian for his want of submission to
Divine sovereignty ; yet, let a shower fall on a new suit of
clothes, and we cannot submit ourselves.
The learned and caustic Bishop Warburton said, "it is
wrong to define man to be a reasoning animal; all that we
can predicate of him is, that he is an animal capable of
reasoning." We every day inset with facts confirming the
truth of this humiliating remark.—Bosion lifer. Journal.
We saw a funny incident at the Market House meeting on
Saturday night. " The eyes have it," bawled a drunken
Locofoco, when a vote was taken. " The nose has it," re-
torted a big 'Whig, taking the unfortunate Loco by the fea-
ture indicated.—Louisville Journal.
RETORT CaURTEOITS.—A Russian lady being engaged to
dinner with M. de Talleyrand, at that time Minister for
Foreign Affairs, was detained a full hour by some unexpected
accident. The famished guests grumbled, and looked at
their watches. On the lady's entrance, one of the company
observed to his neighbour in Greek, " When a woman is
neither young mor handsome, she ought to arrive betimes."
The lady, turning round sharply, accosted the satirist in the
same language, " When a woman,' says she, " has the mis-
fortune to dine with savages, she always arrives too soon."
A GERMAN DINNER—TABLE TriisTE.—First came the
soup, very like barley broth, supposing rice instead of bar-
ley, and then the beef which had been boiled in it, of course,
very insipid. It reminded me of the patent Pimlico bread I
once tasted, when as poor George said, they had extracted all
the spirit and left nothing behind but the corpse of a loaf.
I was obliged to leave it on my plate, where, as it got cold,
it turned almost as white as a piece of wood. But you would
have admired the dexterity of the waiters. One of them
brought a large pile of clean plates, holding one between
each finger, and dealt them out as if they had been cards.
The worst is, the plates and dishes are all stone-cold ; and,
as instead of a bill of fare, every course is put on the table
to show what you are to expect, and is then taken off again
to be carved, the hottest of their dinners is only like a hasty
attempt in warm weather at a collation. But what most sur-
prised me was the order of the eatables, so different to any
established by Mrs. Glasse or Mrs. Rundell. After the
soup, &c., came in a monstrous dish of asparagus, with
a sauce made of oiled butter and hard•boiled-eggs.
appeared a capon and salad, then a very Next
sweet pudding.
and then some very sour krout. The mext dish that went
its round, like a novel in a circulating library, was oi
very small, very waxy kidney potatoes, called(Frank3
them " Murphy's thumbs,") and then
followed
in a brown
e d oine
unknown vegetable, with a very unpleasant s'nisealiilors' fingers
sauce, looking, according to Frank, like
perch, is jelly,
stewed in tar." Next we had sal 41
ho partook of every-
d
the cart before the horse.
and cold ; and last, and certainly not ' ienast, a great solid
piece of roast veal. My brother, w
thing, was amused at this putting
d suppose to digest it properly
" Egad! Kate," he whispered.l " I have eaten the wrong
end of my dinner first; an
' Indeed, I came in for my own
I must stand on my
uitrprise made rue return it hastily to
furiad:seemed a pickled walnut was so
sslwtereet,ofthialot vteilietieisn;er
preo‘s'oked enough, and especially as the
my plate.
roper to notice it. " Just like them
" they arn't even up to pickled
Germans,
ma'am,
thwhat followed was worse ; for after helping
walnuts! "
Londoner thou:gabs!,
lin
looked like preserved plums, but proved to
himself to what -spaid he ;
be spluttered one out again without any ceremony.,
calling out
laud
ffi enough for the whole room to hear him,
•
"Pickled buses,by • As you may suppose, I made
u Luy sour, he
mind to dine no more at a table d'hate.—Hood ltp
i,
he Rhine.