The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1846-08-25 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

Cuntous FACT.—The body, espec'ally in cases of con-
sumption, is often phosphoric a short time before death.
A grntlernan observing that he had fallen asleep during
a sermon preached by a 'bishop, a wag remarked that " it
must have been Bishop the composer."
The brave soul knows no trrrooling : Ctesar spake like
Cm•ar when, in the storm, he bade the mariners fear no-
thing, for they carried him and his fortunes.
The g'utton is tne lowest-souled of all animals : the
butcher's boy is to him an atlas bearing heaven on his
shoulders.

A draper who recently invited the inhabitants of Lin-
coln to view his goons, said, in his circular. "all pecu-
liarities of material mill be explained by the coadjutors in
attendance "
" Miss Brown, I have been to learn how to tell for-
tunes." said a young fellow to a brisk brunette; "just let
me have your hand, if you please." " La! Mr. White,
bow sudden you are. Go and ask my fattier."
Lord and Lady are words of Saxon origin. Lord is
from Laf-ord (loaf-giver), and he was so called from his
maintaining at his own expense a number of retainers or
dependants. Lady is called Laf-dian (loaf-server), be-
cause she cut and served round the bread to the guests.

Mr. Tomlinson, the barrister, requested a wi'iness the
other day, in the Nisi Prius Court, to give the ipsissima
rerba used by the defendant. '• You're a d—d thief,"
was Le witness's quick reply, one which convulsed the
court and jury with laughter.
A certain eminent man lately offered a publisher, in
Paternoster-row, a "Treatise on the Hand," which the
worthy bookseller declined with a shake of the head, say-
` ing. " ti 9 y dear sir, we have too many treatises on our
•hands already."
On Thursday, an Irishman was asked in the Nisi Prins
Court whetner Mr. Mendock had ever seen oats returned ?
" Yes, your honour," was the reply, " Ott what vround,"
asked the h,riister. " did he refuse ?" "In the back
yard was the laughable reply.
At this time of year (says a correspondent of the Cam-
bridge Advertiser), when, tram atmospheric influences,
animal food is likely to become tainted, it cannot be too
generally known that a bit of charred stick boiled with
beef or mutton thus affected will take away all taint or
disagreeable taste.
ANSWER TO A CHALLENGE.—Through some mistake,
• a gentleman in the sou'h of Ireland led off the dance at a
Country ball out of his turn. Tne person appointed to the
post of honour challenged the intruder, and received the
following reply :—" Sir, I cannot understand why, be-
cause I opened a ball at night, a ball should open me in
the morning.—Yours, &c."
GRASS UNDER TREES.—By sowing nitrate of soda in
small quantities in showery weather under trees a most
beautiful verdure will he obtained. I have used it under
the beach trees in my grounds, and the rass always looks
green. Having succeeded so well on a smell scale, I have
now sown nitrate of soda amongst the long grass in the
plantations, which the cattle never could eat. I now find
that the herbage is preferred to the other parts of the
field.—Gardener's Chronic;e.
THE HATERS OF ENGLAND.—There is one character
abominable in America ; you not unfrequently meet with
an emigrant from the old country. who hates the land
which gave him birth ; usually hunted out of it for crime,
he detests the laws he has outraged ; from his former fears
of their just punishment, he reviles them and his country-
men. If ever you observe a more than ordinary length of
hair, nasal twang, and offensive speech and manner, the
chances are ten to one that you have met with an outcast

Englisbrnan.—England in the New World.
" Cousi❑ William," said a merry mischievous young
girl, " what do you think I heard a pretty young lady say
of you?" " I don't know—soniefting good, I hope.
Who was it coz ?" Shan't tell you ! but it's the truth : a
very pretty girl did say something about you." " Well,
tell me what it was." " I shan't unless you will give me
that Annual that I wanted." " Well agreed—you shall
have it—now tell me?" "Well now—dont blush so--

she said you wtre the wiliest looking man she ever laid
her eyes on."
THE FROZEN DEAD AT THE HOSPICE OF THE GRAND
ST. BERNARD —The scene of the greatest interest at the
Hospice—a solemn, extraordimiry interest indeed—is that
of the Morgne, or building where the dead bodies of lost
travellers are deposited. There they are, some of them
as when the breath of life departed, and the Death Angel,
with his instruments of frost and snow, stiffened and em-
balmed them for ages. The floor is thick with nameless
skulls, and bones, and human dust, heaped in confusion.
But around the walls are groups of poor sufferers in the

very position in which they were found, as rigid as mar-
ble, and in this air, by the preserving element of an eter-
.ll.l frost, almost as uncrumbling. There is the mother
and a child, a most affecting image of suffering and love.
The face of the little one remains to the mother's bosom,
only the back part of the skull being visible, the body
enfolded in her careful arms, careful in vain, affectionate
in vain, to shield her offsoring from the elemen►al wrath
of the tempest. The snow fell fast and thick, and the

hurricane wound them up in one white shroud, and bu-
ried them. There is also a tall, strong man, standing
alone, the face dried and black, but the white unbroken
teeth firmly set and closed, grinning from the fleshless
jaws—it is a most awful spectacle. The face seems to
look at you from the recesses of the sepulchre, as if it
would tell you the story of a fearful death-struggle in the
storm. There are other groups more indistinct, but these
two are never to be forgotten ; and the whole of those
dried and frozen remnant, of humanity are a terrific de-
moostration of the fearfulness of this mountain pass,
when the elements, let loose in fury, encounter the un-
happy traveller. You look at all this through the grated
window ; there is just light enough to make it solemnly
and distinctly visible, and to read in it a powerful record
of mental and physical agony, and of maternal love in
death. The little child, biding its face in its mother's
bosom, and both frozen to death—one can never forget
the group, nor the memento mori, nor the token of death-
less love.—Dr. Cheever's Wanderings.
THE WORLD'S TEETOTAL CONVENTION.—Upon the

subject of a woodcut, prote,sing to represent the most
prominent parties at this humbug affair, the London
Guardian remarks :—" If we inquire who the heroes of
this scene are, and what constitutes the official greatness
of the day, we discover, among other claims to public at-
tention and admiration, one very remarkable one put for-
ward. The chief claim which some of these public gen-
tlemen have for occupying their di-tinguished position be-
fore a large and respectable assembly, is the fact, that
they were once enormous drinkers, the wonder andvbsto-
nishment of their respective neighbourhoods for the speed
with which they emptied cans of ale, and swigged glasses
of spirits. They severally nearly ruined their respective
families. They beat their wives and starved their chil-
dren ; they brought their households to death's door ; a
famine stared them in the face. That is their claim to

public attention They do not profess to be any better 1
than the rest of the world ; they were only once much
worse. They glory in that distinction. They revel in
descriptions of that aboriginal period of their existence.
They refer to it in the same rich and glowing strain, with
which poets refer to the heroic ages of the world. The
world was in th se old days magnificently drunk ; it has
now attained a civilised sobriety. In the same way, Mr.
Thompkins was once a reeling sot, hut is now a respecta-
ble shoemaker. He will dwell on all the details of his
prior state of life. He will describe the swimming of the
brain, the fever, and the madness ; the floods of drink
which went down his throat, the horrible thirst which
succeeded. the tug at the pump which followed next.
Ile informs the audience that he was once a beast, and
.now a man, and exhibits himself as a wonderful moral
phenomenon. The audience stares at him with some-
thing of the same ihtereA that it would on a Chickawaw
chief, or an Indian conjurer." * * " Without pro-
fessing any indifference to the decrease of drunkenness in
the world. we must beg to state that we would rather see
one man reformed from drinking. and really humbled and
abased at the recollection of his sin, than twenty of these
paraded gentlemen, in satin waistcoats and cravats, who
stand forward with soriirlvng taces, and rhetorical flou-
rishes, and inform " gentlemen and ladies" that they
have been disgiisting sots and disgraces to humanity : as
if they were proud of it. There would be more real
amount of good in one penitent, humble-minded Chris-
tian case of reformation, than in twenty such cases as
these, where the vice is reformed, and man is not. Ge-
nuine reformation chances the whole man : adulterated
and quack reformation systems do not make the man,
but the individual vice their scope. So long as that is re-
moved, they are content. And the teetotal penitent
shows but too clearly the inferior basis of his reformation
by the exhibition he makes.