The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1841-06-04 00:00:00

PALIYIIIRSTONIANA.
FOR THE LIVERPOOL STANDARt

' I admire the man who acts from principle"!
Lord Palmerston's Speech on the Budget

We always thought, dear Palmerston, that you
Stood pretty high in your own estimation ;
But to another now, it seems, is due
Your lordship's condescending admiration
For PRINCIPLE you now admire, we see—
" The man of principle " ; and who is Hz
This man, preferring principle to pelf,
'Tis very plain, PAL, cannot be thyself!

PROTJU

How the following correspondence fell into our hands,
and by what means we expect to be favoured with the re-
mainder of the series, we " say not." The letter alluded to
in the noble lord's " protocol" we do not publish. It is in
truth too noodle-ish even for the worthy perpetual chairman
of the mobocracy of Liverpool.

INTERCEPTED PROTOCOLS.
(No. 1.)
Me Verne DEAR KNIGIIT,—Her Majesty's Secretary for
Foreign Affairs—Phsaw ! I thought I was commencing a
despatch to that booby, Sydenham, about some mighty Ca-
nadian affair, when I'm only writing a confidential letter to
you, Sir Joshua, about my election for the borough of Li-
verpool—my elevation to the seat once occupied by Canning
and liuskisaon ! Lord, how George would stare if he could
only dream of his old tape-tying chum as the foreign secre-
tary of a whig-radical government, and the anti-corn-law,
anti-colonial, pro-popery candidate for Liverpool ! But
there 's no end to the marvellous nowadays ; so to business.
You say you are getting on well amongst the electors.
Now don't expect to ban: me, Sir Joshua, into such a folly
as leaving my snug quarters at Tiverton upon such a wild-
goose expedition as this would be into which you would
gladly draw me. I repeat, I have not the slightest objection
to your putting me up—even to he knocked down again—if
you can secure a respectable number of votes; but I wont
he committed, mind. If you could screw up your strength
to anything approaching to an equality, we might perhaps,
by such aids as need not be mentioned, turn the scale ; and,
truth to tell, things look so very blue at head-quarters, that
some coup de main of this kind is the only thing that can
keep us all out of perdition, and in place. But I won't,
mind, on such a forlorn hope, "desert the electors of Tiver-
ton" ! 'Twould break their hearts—poor, dear innocents !
But you ask to what principles you are to pledge me.
Why, Sir Joshua, 1 didn't think you could have been such
a noodle. Principles ! Just fancy me, Lord Viscount Pal-
merston, enunciating that sublime sentence—" I ADMIRE
PRINCIPLE ; I ADMIRE THE MAN WHO ACTS PROM PRIN-
CIPLE " ! Lord Johnny declares that Morpeth couldn't
have done it with such sublime effect. But to ask Ma what
principles you may pledge me to at an election is—pardon
me, Sir Joshua—a little too ridiculous. Haven't I " boxed
the compass" already from ultra-toryism to ultra-radicalism
—and talk to me about principles? Sir Joshua, I have no
fixed principles; and never had. You may pledge me to
what you like—anything, everything; but surely you don't
expect any pledge of the kind to be redeemed. Make me
member fur Liverpool, and—a tic() for your pledges! I
wouldn't care a rush for corn-laws or constituents.
" Populus me sibilat ;
At tnihi plaudo,— simul ac contemplor
NMI:MOS in area."
But you don't understand Latin, Sir Joshua ; and more 's
the pity. Why don't you get some of their reverences to
" cram" you with a little for parliamentary purposes? But
they don't understand it either—more's the shame, when
the vagabonds have it under their noses " in scecula sceeulo-
rum"—or, in the vernacular, " morning, noon, and night "
—or, better still, " for ever and a day."
With respect to the other matters you talk about in your
prosy epistle, they are really not worth my notice. It is
enough that you can use my name just as you like, and pro-
mise just what you like ; and I can afterwards use a similar
license, and perform just what I like. If it 's "no go
after all, why I shall be a peer and you a baronet, for your
" disinterested efforts in the cause of civil and religious li-
berty, free trade," and all that sort of thing—perhaps at
least, for you know I may be out, and then—" c'est autre
chose" ; but you don't know French—" worse luck," as
my friend Dan would say. Therefore I remain your knight-
ship's most obedient servant, and would-be-
Downing-street, Ist June, 1841

THE KNIGHT IN REPLY.
(No. 2.)
MY VERY DEAR VISCOUNT,—I am glad to find that, with
respect to your principles, you give us a fair " margin," as
we say in our prices current; for, to be plain, my lord, we
have such a motley set to do with, that, in order to bring
them all together, we mast not be nice to a shade or two.
I have just hinted to a radical fellow who was very obstinate
about the new poor law, that although as a member of the
cabinet you supported that measure, yet that privately you
were opposed to it, and that its repeal would immediately
follow the repeal of the iniquitous bread-tax.
There is one subject—a very important one too—which I
omitted to touch upon in my last—the subject of your lord-
ship's religious principles, or rather professions, for you
seem touchy upon that word " principle." It is necessary,
you know, to profess something; and I cannot for the life
of me remember—and the Mercury's " log-book," even,
which contains all the notabilia of the last half century,
affords no clue to the mystery—what is the religion which
your lordship professes. It would be a great acouisition to
our chances of success if I could be allowed to hint that you
are a Socinian, a Socialist, or anything of that description ;
or that, privately even, your opinions leaned towards infi-
delity in any other shape. The best and surest card, how-
ever, would be Popery. If I might say that you were, even
privately—for all the world knows that you are not so pub-
licly—a member of the Roman creed, we should carry the
day to a certainty—if bludgeons and brickbats could do
anything in Liverpool. You can't think what an effect the
hint that her Majesty herself only waited the overthrow of
the landed aristocracy to declare herself openly for Popery,
has excited amongst the Jumpers and hodmen ; and they are
our only hope in this borough. We can't win in the way
your lordship points out—with treasury gold or with factory
gold. We have tried that before. The " protectors" and
their shillelaghs are our only chance ; and that is but a sorry
one, if it comes to hard blows.
I receive in good part your lordship's suggestion with
respect to the usefulness of Latin to a senator, and have
already got by heart Lord Morpeth's quotation about the
sliding scale—
" Labitur et labetur, in otnne voluminus Levum."
I can't say that I understand very well what it means though,
or that I spell it very correctly ; and the Mercury is not very
clear upon it. Don't you think, by the bye, that, upon
Welsh subjects at least, a Welsh quotation will be very ap-
propriate ? lam getting quite a dab at Welsh.
I have shown your last letter to several of the committee,
who are delighted with the convenience of your lordship's
principles, which slip on and off as the wind changes. What
a luxury it would be this hot weather, if we had our garments
made in this convenient fashion ! Especially to me it would
be a luxury when I have to attend meetings of our constitu-
ents .who have a filthy habit of coming without washing
hands or face, or changing their boots, (after having been
working all day, perhaps, in sewers,) and smell, in conse-
quence, of anything but rose water. It is scarcely fair in
you who enjoy all the profit to leave me all the work, which
I assure you is not the pleasantest possible ; but never mind
so long as " victory crowns our efforts —as my address
says, or will say rather.
Waiting an early reply,
I am, your lordship's obedient servant.
(The signature is unfortunately obliterated, with the excep-
tion of one word which is written very large—" KNIGHT.")

THE DOWNING-STREET SALE OF ANIMALS,
CONTINUED.

AUCTIONEER, JOHN BULL.
Lot 9.—MINI, a late favourite dog at Brummagem—a
cross between the bull and mastiff. Long ears, short legs,
bushy muzzle ; mumbles, but cannot bite.
Lot 10.—CORONER, the fire spaniel. This animal has the
very strange propensity of setting fire to its own kennel.
Lot 11.—MoRBY, a lady's lap-dog ; a pretty little animal;
a great pet; will dance, beg, and perform a variety of fa-
vourable little tricks.
Lot 12.—CHANCELLOR, a curly-haired poodle, has some
bad propensities, but is a tolerably good dog.
Lot 13.—A pair of hacks, which have lately run in the
Westminster stage, but are no longer wanted, will positively
be sold.
Lot 14.—This lot consists of a curious animal, species not
known. It has been called a Mounteagle. Is known to be
very fond of Rice. At times becomes inflated, and is then
of an enormous size.
Lot 15.—SIR GEORGE, a Grey roadster; a tolerably steady
hack.
Lot 16.—SPEAKEIS, a ponderous heavy animal ; is com-
monly known as Wigsby ; suitable for a plough or team.
Lot 17.—SIR HEATHCOTE, a favourite donkey, and in
good condition. Would be very useful at Fleetwoood or any
other watering place ; sure footed, but without brains ; very
long ears.
Lot 18.—The Salford parrot repeats most distinctly—
" What's o'clock, Poll ?"—" Past twelve : go home."
Lot 19.—SHRILL, an Irish screech-owl.
Lot 20.—BULLWEII, a novel animal ; has no peculiar qua-
lities.
Lot 21.— MORGAN, JACK, and MORRICE, whelps of the
Irish blood-hound.
These animals must be cleared off the premises the day of
sale, as there is much small vermin to be destroyed, and it
is fully expected the place abounds with rats.