The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1854-01-03 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

A LAD was subpcenaed as a witness in one of the Ameri-
can courts. The judge said, " Put the boy up on evi-
dence." Upon hearing which, young America exclaimed,
" Who are you calling boy ? I have chewed 'batty these
two years.
THE OFFERING OF GOOD DEEDS.—We celebrate nobler
obsequies to those we love, by drying the tears of others,
than by shedding our own ; and the fairest funeral wreath
we can hang on their tomb, is not so fair as a fruit-offering
of good deeds.—Jean Paul Richter.
CURIOUS COINCIDENCE. —lt is said that some time ago,
five clergymen of the Established Church met in the
manse of Strontian. They were all natives of Perthshire
—were all cousins—were all of the name of Stewart—and
their charges were adjoining each other.—lnverness
Courier.

THE SWINE.—That much abused quadruped has found
a eulogist, who thus sings his praise:—
"You know he's stupid, since you fail to find
Some traces in him of the march of mind ;
Is he unlettered ?—think how Bacon 'shined,'
And dont forget the tales Hogg left behind."
A VERY FAT MAN, for the purpose of quizzing Dr.
—, of N—, asked him to prescribe for his complaint,
which he declared was sleeping with his mouth open.
" Sir," said the doctor, "your disease is incurable. Your
skin is too short, so that when you shut your eyes, your
mouth opens."
SENTIMENTAL AHITJIMETIC.-2 glances—make 1:look.
2 looks—make 1 sigh. 4 sighs —make 1 waltz. 3 waltzes
—make 1 palpitate. 2 palpitations—make 1 call. 2 calls
—make 1 attention. 2 attentions—make one fool (some-
times 2.) 2 fools—make 1 flirtation. 1 flirtation 2 bou-
quets-1 engagement—one maniage.
READING AND THINKING.—AIways have a book
within your reach, which you may catch up at your odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in a little reading every day,
if it is but a single sentence. If you can give fifteen
minutes a-day, it will be felt at the end of the year.
Thoughts take up ro room. When they are right they
afford a portable pleasure, which one may travel or labour
with, without any trouble or incumbrance.
THE FEATHERED TRIBES.—A HINT IN SEASON.—
Let us not forget, amidst our Christmas festi-, ities, the
claims which our little patient friends, the birds, put
forth to a large share of our hospitality. Do not bring out
the murderous gun to destroy what little of life remains ;
but try and make them happy. A mere trifle will do
this; and they will in return sing you such a song!
The winds are now bleak and cutting; the frost is keen,
and the aspect from without "wintry" in the extreme.
'Es now that their plaint falls persuasively and pleadingly
on our ears :

"The snow's coming down very fast,
No shelter is found on the tree ;
When you hear the tempestuous blast,'
I pray you TAKE PITY ON ME!"
Let not this little Christmas carol—savoring of love and
confidence—be chanted in vain ! Then shall our " Christ-
mas log" burn all the brighter, our joys be the more
joyous, our happiness the more complete.—Kidd'• Jour-
nal of Nature.

CONTEBSATION.—To come away from a conversation in
which there has been no censure of others, yet no lack of
zest, is to carry with our memories a golden clue.

A PARTY of Cromwell's soldiers went into a cabin in
Ireland, and demanded the second best bed in the house.
" That's bad news for Morgan, sir," replied a poor fellow
sitting at the fire. " Who the deuce is Morgan ?" asked
one of the party. "Morgan, sir," answered the owner,
" is the pig."
DANIEL WEnsm.—Some one speaking in the hearing
of the late Daniel Webster of the sublime poetry of the
Old Testament, the latter seriously remarked, "Ah, my
friend, the poetry of Isaiah, and Job, and Habakkuk, is
beautiful indeed ; but when you have lived, as I have, 69
years, you will give more for the 14th or 17th chapter of
St. John's Gospel, or for one of the Epistles, than for all
the poetry of the Bible. _

•
INTEREST FORPRINCE ALBERT'SSTA.TUE.—Give Prince
Albert a statue ? Yes, certainly, at the proper time ; may
it not arrive for a thousand years ! But, when it does
arrive, up with the statue ; a statue which shall have
been merited by a highly useful life, whereof the promo-
tion of the cosmopolitan fair in Hyde-park will have been
one only among the remarkable acts. In the meantime,
that the memorial may be worthy of the hero, put the
money already subscribed towards it out to increase and
accumulate, by which means, in addition to the interest
which our descendants will take in the work, we shall also
transmit to them compound interest that will help to pay
for ft.—Punch.
PERMANENT IsK.—Until a better substitute can be
found, I strongly recommend the universal use of Indian
ink in preparing all manuscripts intended to convey in-
formation to future ages. It is well known that all the
inks in common use are far inferior to those used by the
ancients, —that our modern inks soon become pale, and in
the course of time almost if not entirely invisible. It is a
patent fact, that Doomsday Book, after the lapse of nearly
eight centuries, is in a much better state of preservation
than the state papers of the period of our last two kings.
The inks used by our forefathers, I believe, contained
carbon ; and as that substance is the base of Indian ink,
all documents-prepared with it must, from the indestructi-
ble property of the carbon, remain unchanged so long as
they can be preserved from damp and other destroying
influences ; and I am not aware of any plan so likely to
secure their preservation as that I have adopted.—Corres-
pondent of The Builder.
TnE GOORKA TROOPS.—We had three irregular corps
of men called Goorkas, natives of the hills forming the
kingdom of Nepaul. Bravest of native troops they at the
battles on the Sutlej displayed such conspicuous gallantry
as to place them for courage on a level with our Euro-
peans; and, certainly, they have a fine military spirit, are
fierce in war, of unsurpassed activity, and possess great
powers of enduring fatigue. Very low of stature, they
, have short limbs, but with enormous muscles, and vast
strength, and their chests are both broad and deep. These
hardy soldiers profess an extraordinary attachment to our
men, and are, like them, given to strong drink; but are
said to have a dislike to the Sepoys amounting to contempt.
In the Nepaul war of 1814, with inferior numbers, they
defeated the British troops more than once; and an ac-
quaintance with them under arms in no way tended to
diminish my opinion of their high character as soldiers.—
Indian Misgovernment by Sir C. J. Napier.
A "COUNTRY SCROOLMASTER."—The following cha-
racteristic production has been forwarded to this office,
in answer to an advertisement which appeared in our
columns a short time since :—" Sir—Having been in-
formed by your paper of the sth ult., that a schoolmaster
is required for a country school, I beg to offer myself as
candidate, and to say that I can teach the whole course of
arithmetic, English Grammer, Book-keeping, Mensura-
tion, Practital Geometry, and the first four books of
Euclid or Elementary Geometry & Geography, therefore
I flatter myself qualified to teach your " Country School ;"
but not having yet acted in the honourable capacity of either
town or Country school master, I cannot furnish you with
any testimonials, except my own sweet serf which you
may have on the conditions set forth in your valuable
Telegraph by dropping me a not which you may address
to me Aughnacloy, Derrylin, Co. Fermanagh.—l am sir
your most obt servt,— —"—Newry Telegraph.
NATIONAL INFLUENCES OP POETRY.—Since poetry—
especially the lyrical form of it—has become a power in
the State, it may be interesting to our readers to hear
that a Turkish poet, Halls Effendi, has written a national
hymn, in the style of the " Marseillaise," which his
countrymen are described as repeating with extraordinary
zest and energy. Philosophers affect to despise poetry,
and Plato banished the poets from his model republic ;
but in moments of crises like that which now shakes the
Orient, it is always found that men will bear, and dare,
and aspire more greatly under the sway of lyrical passion
than without the exaltation of nerve and brain produced
by this subtle and spiritual power. The Spartans needed
a Tyrtaus. Roger de Lisle nerved the arms which beat
down one after another the Kings of Europe. Korner
roused all Germany to action. Becker's lyric saved the
Rhine provinces, and won for the author two royal pen-
sions. The Revolution of '4B was effected- to the chorus
of " Mourir pour la Patrie '-" and the splendid Hungarian
campaign of '49 was made to the " Kossuth March." Our
own Commonwealth was introduced by a psalm tune, and
James the Second was frightened out of three kingdoms
by a chorus. Dibdin and Campbell did nearly as much
for the British navy as Nelson and Collingwood,,—either
song-writer certainly did more than Selden, Pepys, and
all other antiquarian prosers about the sovereignty of the
seas put together. It is of no small moment, then, that
a native poet:;should have drawn from the rock those
living waters of song which at once satisfy the common
craving and fortify the national zeal.—Athenceum.

WINTERS IN OLDEN TIMES.—In 1664 the cold was so
intense that the Thames was covered with ice sixty-one
inches thick. Almost all the birds perished. In 1693
the cold was so excessive that the famished wolves entered
Vienna and attacked beasts and even men. Many people
in Germany were frozen to death in 1696, and 1699 was
nearly as bad. In 1709 occurred that famous winter
called, by distinction, the "Cold Winter." All the rivers
and lakes were frozen, and even the sea for several miles
from the shores. The ground was frozen nine feet deep.
Birds and beasts were-struck dead in the fields, and men
perished by thousands in their houses. In the south of
France the wine plantations were almost destroyed ; nor
have they yet recovered that fatal disaster. The Adriatic
sea was frozen, and even the Mediterranean about. Genoa ;
and the citron and orange groves suffered extremely iu
the finest parts of Italy. In 1716 the winter was so
intense that people travelled across the Straits from
Copenhagen to the province of Senia, in Sweden. In 1729,
in Scotland, multitudes of cattle and sheep were buried in
the snow. In 1740 the winter was scarcely inferior to
that of 1709. The snow lay ten feet deep in, Spain and
Portugal. The Zuyder Zee was frozen over,. and thou-
sands of people went across it. And the lakes in England
froze. In 1744 the winter was very cold. Snow fell in
Portugal to the depth of twenty-three feet on a level. In
1754 and 1755 the winters were very severe and cold. In
England, the strongest ale, exposed to the air in a glass,
was covered with ice one-eighth of an inch thick. In
1771 the Elbe was frozen to the bottom. In 1776 the
Danube bore ice five feet thick below Vienna. Vast
numbers of the feathered and finny tribes perished. The
winters of 1774 and 1775 were uncommonly severe. The
Little-Belt was frozen over. From 1800 to 1812 also the
winters were remarkably cold, particularly the latter, in
Russia, which proved so disastrous to the French army.
Ptcrun.v of MENECIIIKOFF.—Menschikoff has in-
variably refused to sit to any artist He is about 70 years
of age, of middle stature, has close cut milk-white hair, a
high open forehead, sharply-defined features, and a bright
sparkling eye. His gait is haughty, but slightly limping,
from a wound he received in a singular manner, at the
siege of Varna, in 1828. One evening, having given
some orders that he wished to see implicitly obeyed, he
strolled through the camp ; and as he was returning to
his quarters he stopped and remained with his legs
stretched wide apart while he enjoyed a pinch of snuff.
Suddenly the report of a heavy gun was heard, and the
Prince fel/ headlong to the ground.. When he was taken
up it was found that a cannon ball.had passed between his
legs and wounded him severely in the thigh. Prince
Menschikoff is one of the most extensive landed proprietors
in the empire, and counts his serfs by thousands ; but,
unlike the generality of the Russian nobles, he adds daily
to his wealth. His economy is without a parallel, and
indeed is stated to descend to parsimony of the lowest
grade ; but, however grinding his extortion in his patri-
monial estate, on all grand state occasions his appearance,
carriages, and suite are most magnificent. He possesses
a superb mansion at St. Petersburg ; his establishment of
servants and equipage is on a scale of the most lavish ex-
pense, and he is surrounded by numerous aides-de-camp
glittering in " barbaric pearls and gold." Another striking
peculiarity of this remarkable man is the aversion he
entertains for foreigners. Not one—even an ambassador—
has ever been permitted. to enter his palace. He is both
rough and fickle, and when anything offends him becomes
absolutely brutal. But while he bends to the imperial
yoke from motives of avarice or ambition, he revenges his
official servitude by browbeating, threatening, and abusing
all who have the misfortune to be connected with him ;
and as he is a man of considerable talent and indomitable
energy, he succeeds most marvellously in his amiable
occupation. It is not therefore to be wondered at that he
has many enemies. Menschikoff married the Princess
Delgorouki, by whom he has a sou and daughter.—United
States Gazette.
EGYPTIAN WOMEN'S GRIEF.—As we walked out this
morning, near a little Village on the western bank of the
Nile, our attention was arrested by loud outcries, which
seemed to proceed from both sides of the river, and, on the
opposite bank, we saw some women making violent ges-
ticulations, accompanied with piercing screams. At the
same time a confused wailing arose from the village ; and,
directing our steps thither, we saw a number of women,
seated on the ground, swinging themselves to and fro,
throwing dust upon their heads, and uttering a low mur-
muring cry, that seemed to be a repetition of the same
words, in a plaintive monotonous chant. Others were
walking up and down, throwing their arms in the air,
tearing their long cotton hoods, shaking their dresses
violently, and shrieking as if distracted with grief. All
the women of the village were gathered round one of the
little hoods, which seemed to be the centre of this strange
commotion. Presently the women whom we had seen on
the opposite bank arrived in a boat, and came in mournful
procession to join in the wailing of the village. Some
were chanting the same dolorous chant. Others, throw-
ing aside their garments, would shriek at intervals ; and
each one, as she reached the group at the village, would
utter a shrill piercing scream, such as we bad first heard
from the other side the river. On inquiring the occasion
of this grief, we learned that a little child playing near.
this river, the day before, had fallen in and got drowned ;
and though, according to the present custom of the country,
he had already been committed to the dust, the neighbours,
far and near, had gathered to mourn with their mother.
The absence of male persons from this assembly of women
forcibly reminded us of the frequent allusions in the
Scriptures to the mourning of women ; and the whole
scene answered to the details of scenes in the Old
Testament. The effect was peculiar. There were,
perhaps, in all thirty women, all dressed in the uni-
form style of the poorer class of women in Egypt,
with a long, loose garment of dark blue cotton cloth, and
a hood of the same material covering the head and descend-
ing to the waist. These melancholy looking figures pass-
ing to and fro, shrieking, howling, wailing, throwing open
their hoods and disfiguring themselves with dirt, jerking
their garments as if they would tear them to pieces,
seemed the very impersonation of despair. I know not
how long this scene continued, perhaps till nature was ex-
hausted, but for more than a mile beyond the village, we
continued to hear that wild, piercing cry that had. first
startled us.—The Rev. I, Thompson's Letterfrom Zgypt.