The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1847-08-10 00:00:00

ON PHILOPROGENITIVE BOREISM

In most of the domiciles of her Majesty's subjects there
is a nursery. We have now to do with those domestic
states in which the nursery governs the parlour, in
which the little masters and misses exercise unrelenting
tyranny over the mister and missus ; and in which all visi-
tors and strangers are forced to do homage to the juvenile
oligarchy of the lollipop and the go-cart.
If you pay a forenoon's visit to one of these formidable
a habitations, your rat-ta-tat from without will be respond-
ed to by a loud series of screams from within. You enter

—there is a perfect inundation of babies about the house.
The nursery has overflowed, and its contents are sprawl-
ing on staircase and lobby. The parlour will be found
littered with toys. Johnny and Sukey will be seated on
the rug, fighting for the last morsel of Gibraltar rock.
Ned will be crying in the corner, where he has been de-
posited, with a fool's cap, on account of naughtiness. Sa-
rah Jane, and Alick, (the twins,) will be howling out, in
the true infant-school recitative, a lesson from the works
of the immortal lyric poet, Watts, beginning—

"Let dogs delight to bark and bite

while mamma, in morning gown and curl papers, will be
dressing Petsey, rocking Baby Bib's cradle, teaching Sa-
rah Jane and Alick, scolding Ned, and screaming to
Johnny and Sukey to hold their tongues, all in a breath.

The call—a very short one—over, the unhappy visitor is
dismissed; his mind improved by the reception of the fol•
lowing important truths :—to wit,

-That Charles is to have the first

Tize it the s

2nd.—Thai Annie jot four goo

Thursday

3rd.—That Polly had her ears bored last week, and is to
begin the piano next quarter.

4th.—That Peter is a bad boy, has broken three squares
of glass, and won't_take his physic. _ _

th. That Sarah Jane aiid-Alick (the twins) can read
words of two syllables, and have thirteen hymns by
heart, each.
6th.—That Johnny and Sukey go out every day with
Susan in the park; but although the season is so warm,
they have not yet left off flannel.

7th.—That Ned is such a cross child, you can't think.
Bth.—That Petsey suffers so much, poor darling, from

teething. ....
9th.—And that baby Bib was vaccinated on Saturday,
when it was the opinion of the doctor that he was, with-
out exception, the finest child he ever saw—and the image
of his father.

A dinner party at a house of this class is not to be
lightly ventured. It will be a mercy if you have not the
whole of the infantry, rank and file, perched on little
chairs, with little knives and forks—screaming, now for
beef, anon for pudding—making grabs at the dishes with
their little soft greasy paws ; and being ultimately remo-
ved per force to the nursery on account of undutiful con-
duct, and re-introduced upon promises of amendment—
all through dinner time. If the Bore of Philoprogenitive-
ness has not gone to such an awful length as this, still you
will assuredly be deluged by the juvenile flood the mo-
ment the cloth is withdrawn. Then comes the grand ex-
hibition of the children, considered as works of art. First
Susan carries round the baby to be kissed. This melan-
choly rite performed, the elder olive branches will crave
attention. Peter, Alick, Johnny, and Ned will drink to
the healths of the company individually, and seriatim, in
half glasses of port. Thus-
-1 Please, Mr.l\l Brown,Jones,
your
rr
good
dd
health,heall
Peter.
111 Please. Mr. Smith, your good health, &c.,

and so on by the other juveniles in turn.
A little scholastic fete is next grovided for the delecta-
tion of the guests.
" You'll be astonished,"
Peter makes in English h

says the papa

` at the progress

'as the Spanish Armada defeated ?
Answer, very promptly—" By John of Gaunt
Dismissal of Peter with disgrace to bed.