The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-07-28 00:00:00

'OE RATI:LER'S PLANS FOR PRODUCING EFFECTS
EFFECT THE FOURTH.

the difference between Joe Rattler,
the unknown at New Brighton, and Joe Rattler, the detected
son of an old and particular acquaintance at Seacombe. The
evident mortificatiota which he was labouring under was only
heightened by the repeated roars of laughter which the old
gentleman indulged in. Joe was completely crest-fallen ; for
although he was a youth of great physical courage, and high
animal spirits, and one of his favourite maxims was, " What
matter, so there is fun enough, who pays the cost ;" and
though it has been shown that he was not only ready to pay
his own share, but sometimes quite willing to pay that of
others, yet it must be confessed that. this time, the reckoning
was more than he was able to discharge. It was not the
hopeless dread of future insolvency, which thus troubled
him ; may be he was satisfied that, should he ever have an
opportunity, he could return every obligation, with the most
satisfactory interest. It was not future, but present, dis-
grace that caused Joe's humiliation ; and no wonder, for it
must be remembered that, besides the old gentleman's irony,
there were the silvery lengths of three young and as beautiful

It was curiou

creatures as ever gave mirth a spur, or merriment an incen-
tive. There were three pair of eyes looking on, laughing in
their orbs, and saving, as plain as ever eyes could say, " We
have you—where be your jibes now, your quips and quiddi-
ties !—quite chapfallen !"
Joe rallied • not, however, before the old gentleman had
almost laughed him into a gloryless petrifaction of no
effects—and was consoled at last with, " A chip of the old
block. Ha, ha, ha! There was something told me at the
time when thatl awful adventure was relating, and when that
melancholy face was in making—there was something told
me that I had seen something verylike it before. Well, give
us your hand—am glad to see you ; I shall be writing to
your father, and of course shall tell him of the extraordinary
circumstances under which we met : no doubt he sill be glad
to hear of your great success ; but, as it might make him
unhappy for your safety, I had better say nothing of your
being left lifeless on a distant shore to perish Ah, ha, ha!
oh, oh !"

" No, upon my honour,"
said Joe, putting- on as good a
,
face as he could, I think poor mamma and sister have suf-
fered enough already ; • no, I shall feel obliged if you will
permit Fame (the proper harbinger of all merit) to blazon her
records in my parental ear herself, rather than that he should
hear of his son's achievements (splendid though they are)
through any other medium. In the mean time permit me
to ask under what circumstances am I indebted for the honor
of this unexpected interview."
Mr. Bowling then informed him that they, together with
his son who was then at Liverpool, had been making.a tour
through -Wales, and were returning to their house at N—;
that their intention was to spend a day or two in Liverpool
before they returned home, and then they 'should be happy to
carry us with them. In the mean time, they would take no de-
nial as to breakfasting with them at the Angel the next morn-
ing, where they would introduce us to their brother, who,
they were sure, would be equally glad to see us.
Joe had known the younger Bowling at school, but had not
seen him for a considerable period ; and, although six or
seven years his junior, was certain that he would not only re-
member him, but which give him that welcome that is given
only to old schoolfellows after a long separation.
We accordingly breakfasted with the family at the Angel
Hotel the next morning, where we were introduced to their
eldest and only brother, James Bowling, who was as much
surprised as delighted at seeing his old companion in that
part of the kingdom. After mutual manifestations of delight
at the meeting, Jim (for so we shall call him) said, " So, my
young hero, a few years' sun, eh? has made a man on thee,
and, by mighty Pluto ! not an unseemingly one either—turn
round," said he, giving Joe a twist with his iron grasp; " Ah !
there ; a tidy carcass even for a military snip to cut capers
upon—slight, but, by Jupiter, well knit. Well, thou must
come and spend a month or two at Bowling Hall, and it shall
go hard but we will transform thee from an Hylus to an
Achilles ; an extra half stone, or two of muscle, thew and
sinew, will enable thee to cut capers in other places save a
`lady's drawing-room.' Well, Joe,'any practice in the old
line now-a-days—any of the effective, eh ? ha, ha! By Nep-
tune's prongs, but I once saved thee from as sound a whip-
ping as ever was received on the triangles at old Thwacker s
seminary ; and, by Saturn's belt, thou deservedst it too. Ha,
ha; ha! But then I loved thee, I loved thee ; the love in our
families has been hereditary, and so for that reason I loved
thee too ; and, •by Minerva's night cap, a good reason. Well,
I never had occasion to regret it, and I am sure I never shall
have. Had I always been so fortunate in my love, my at-
tachment, I might have been happier now."
" Brother !" whispered Miss Bowling, at the same time
depressing her eyes.
" Thank you, sister, good girl—good girl."

" Well, Joe, by Olympus I am glad to see the right wor-
shipful Joe ! once more thou art welcome—l'll pledge thee
in coffee—here's to our old acquaintance. I know my sisters
will make thee welcome, if it be only for the love they bare
their brother."

" Aye, aye !" cried the old gentleman, "but if it be not
too much trouble, I should be glad to know on what account
your services were of so much use to Mr. Rattler when you
were at school ?"

" Well," replied Jim, " as it is some years past now, and
as it is not likely to give the same terror and alarm now, as
it did then, I think I may venture to tell it you."
" Oh, spare my blushes !" exclaimed Joe.
" No," replied Jim, " I persuaded old Thwacker to spare
your back, and I think that I had less difficulty in effecting
that, than I should have in complying with your present re-
quest."

" Oh, I ask your pardon, brother !" said Miss Emiline,
" Mr. Rattler is become quite sentimental and pathetic, I
assure you. He has improved in that department most
wonderfully."

"As the parting dew-drop from the rose bud's embrace,
Gives note that young Phoebus is starting his race,"
sighed the young Eliza, and perhaps it was as well that she
did sigh it, or her worthy brother might have desired her to
follow the sun's example.
" Well," cried Jim, " I do feel a little surprised at what
you tell me, for certainly turtle doves and blank verse were
not the elements of Joe's constitution at one time.
" But now for the story. It happened of all other days in
the year to be on a Shrove Tuesday, (on which holiday it had
been the custom time, I suppose, out of mind, at the old
grammar school, to have a drawing out for cocks and hens,)
that the discourse during dinner hours turned upon the ex-
traordinary feats that had been performed at different times
by scholars who had been educated there; for, as many of
them had turned out to be men of prodigious learning and
attainments in after time, they must of course have been
Faustus's in their youth. One of them in particular, a
Francis Smith, was said to have raised his Satanic majesty
on that very day, some 20 years before; and as there were
not wanting plenty of corroborators of the horrid story ; so
there were plenty to describe the process of the occult spell,
which it appears was to be managed by means of inner and
outer circles, scribed on the floor. The diviner was to kneel
down within the centre one, and then repeat some half dozen
of Latin prayers which were pointed out to him ; after which
he was to utter ad-libitum as many imprecations as he cou.d
within a given time, and then the spell would be ' wound up.'
" No sooner was the science of devil-raising clearly de-
monstrated, than our friend Joe very modestly declared that
he would attempt it. At this announcement every one was
delighted, as was manifest by their all shouting, clapping
their hands, and creeping nearer to the door. It was the
currish shout of fear, struggling to look brave.
" Some of the older boys professed to be horror-struck at
the mere idea of such an attempt, as both they and myself
thought it a mere boast on the part of the would-be Faust.
But we were soon satisfied to the contrary, for Joe at once
began deliberately to scribe, according to direction, the cir-
cles on the school floor ; and it would have been a funny
calculation to have ascertained how many crept out at the
formation of each circle. At last all were finished, the inner
and the final one ; and as its completion drew nigh, three
breathless, ear-stopped, stealthy strides took out the bravest
but the last. All were gone save myself, who had been de-
sired by some of the elder scholars to watch the proceeding,
to see if he would have courage enough to proceed.
" There was no alternative; he must go on, or suffer the
worst of mortifications—to be the butt of his own joke. Joe
knew this, and accordingly got a Latin prayer-book, and,
kneeling down, commenced the exordium. Seeing this, I
rushed out horror-struck, and, in proper time, communi-
cated my fears to the rest of the scholars, who, together with
the whole village, had rushed into a farm-house adjoining ;
for all, having the most superstitious fear and awe of the
wizard-like attainments of old Thwacker's scholars, were
terrified to the very climax of absurdity. Thus they all
congregated together in this one house, each trying to lose
his fears by attempting to creep, if possible, into the inside
of his neighbour.

" A more ridiculous sight could not be imagined. By
sultry Pluto ! it was superlative to see • every man leave his
vocation ;' for the browmen at the collieries left their bas-
kets of coals half hoisted, the engineers their engines un-
stopped,
carters their horses' weavers their looms ;—nay, it
was said that old Littler, a famous miser in the neighbour-
hood, left off counting his money, and cursing the hardness
of the times—Joe's daring exploit thus producing an effect
upon him which the death of his wife had not been able to
effect. Still the cry ran, ' Young Rattler is raising the
devil ;—oh ! he's raising the devil ;' every fresh cry of which
caused another condensation, until at last the compression
was such, that it is a question whether they could have been
closer packed with a patent hydraulic press. The fate of
Laocoon and his sons had like to have been a mere fable to
this unheard-of catastrophe.
" There was a general, vast, and overwhelming scream—
parents, in their own danger, forgetting that of their hapless
offspring. One unhappy wight—a Master Tommy Allen, the
fair-haired, blue-eyed, red-cheeked, adored little darling of
two maiden aunts, who, when they first brought him to the
school, laid the most implicit injunction on the master not
to touch him himself, or allow any of the boys to do so. on
pain of his being immediately withdrawn from this redoubt-
able seminary—and as the ladies were rich, and their patron-
age great, it was petty treason to look at him, and the most
fearful castigation awaited the unhappy playmate that dared
even to disarrange one of his fair ringlets.
" But fear respects not persons, as even kings and empe-
rors, it is said, have experienced ; nay, I believe it is on re-
cord that even a general of unperishable fame is known to
have felt something very like it. Well, poor unhappy Master
Tommy was making with all his might to the general rendez-
vous, when another, making the same attempt, jostled the
unfortunate squire of the flaxen hair into a nameless recep-
tacle, head foremost; and there he would have been actually
smothered, but for the providential and immediate assistance
of the farmer's wife. He was got out, and carried to the
watering nit • and while the act of immersion is going on, let
us inquire after Joe, for by this time there could be little
doubt but that his infernal majesty had shaken hands with
Proserpine, to visit on earth so worthy a disciple.ta
One
the boys, however, possessing, or imagining h he did,
more courage than the rest, signified his intention, if any one
would accompany him, of having a peep through the school
window, to see what was going on.

`` Hearing this noble declaration from one so young, I
(who was nearly double his age) boldly called out, ' I—l will
follow, though it should be to death As much applause
followed as their fears would permit. Some, however, at-
tempted to dissuade us from the madness of such an attempt,
as they considered it better that one should be dragged into
the bottomless abyss than three, and For the sake of the
Lord take care, was heard from a hundred voices. As we
ascended the little hill up to the school, we were looked after
with the same breathless anxiety as the life-boat is when
gal-
lantly attempting to rescue from the distant wreck the hope-
less and death-awaiting mariner.

_ ---....
(To be concluded in our next.)
.......________

At the Police-office, yesterday, a lad, named John Pick-
ering, was committed to prison for seven days, for attempting
to yob the garden of Mr. Lawrence, of Dingle Mount, at
three o'clock on Sunday morning.
NEW OYSTER TRAP.—At the Mechanics' Institution, in
the Natural History room, may be seen a mouse which has
just been caught between the shells of an oyster. It is held
by the head as tightly as in a common wire trap.
Mr. Robert Bevan, of this town, and of Birkenhead,
Cheshire, solicitor, has been appointed, by the Lord Chief
Justice of the Common Pleas, a perpetual commissioner,
under the Fines and Recoveries Abolition Act, in and for tne
county of Chester.

The Great Western sailed from Bristol, at noon, on
Saturday, for New York. She carried out about one hundred
passengers, amongst whom is Prince Jerome Napoleon
Bonaparte, and a valuable freight of goods, a large proportion
of which is silk. _ _ .

At the Police-office, yesterday, Mrs. Jilks,batchet, oiSed-
don-street, charged a young man with having stolen a watch
belonging to her husband. The evidence not being complete,
the prisoner was remanded.