The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-06-02 00:00:00

SELECT EXTRACTS.

The following lines are written in the visiting book at a
favourite fishing station in Derbyshire :
If refuse by day to bite,
The fleas will make it up at night.

ORTHOGRAPHY.—" John," said the schoolmaster, " you
will soon be a man, and will have.to do business. What do
you suppose you will do when you have to write letters, un-
less you learn to spell better?"--" Oh, sir, I shall put easy
words in them."—Jamaica paper.
YANKEE WELLERISMS.—" There's no place like home,"
as the loafer said when they put him into the watch-house for
the night. " See how soon you can be back again," as the
spider said to the fly, when he got clear of his web. " Sun-
dries Dr. to cash," as the clerks said when they pocketed 100
dollars a piece, and cleared out. " Don't more for me," as
the axe said to the chip.
OLD WELLER AND THE WIDOW ON THE RAILROAD.—
" It was on the rail," said Mr. Weller, with strong em-
phasis ; " I wos a goin' down to Birmingham by the rail,
and I was locked up in a close carriage with a living widder.
Alone we wos ; the widder and me wos alone ; and I believe
it wos only because we wos alone, and there was no clergy-
man in the conwayance, that that 'ere widder didn't marry
me afore ye reached the half-way station. Ven I think how
she began a screamin' as we wos a goin' under them tunnels
in the dark—how she kept on a faintin' and ketchin' hold
o'me—ancl how I tried to bust open the door as was tight-
locked and prewented all escape—Ah! It was a awful thing,
most awful !"—Master Humphrey's Clock.
AN INCIDENT IN THE THREE GLORIOUS DAYS.—The
captain was pointing at the moment with his cane to the
heights of Passy. The boy approached him, staring at him
with astonished eyes, and, drawing a horse-pistol from under
his waistcoat, laid hold of it with both hands, and pointed it
at the captain's breast. He turned it aside with his cane,
but the boy having pulled the trigger, the ball entered the
upper part of his thigh. The captain fell upon his seat with-
out saying a word, and looked with pity at this singular
enemy. He saw the boy still holding his weapon in both
hands, and quite frightened at what he had done. The gre-
nadiers were at that moment sadly resting upon their arms ;
they did not deign to make a single gesture against the young
rogue. Some of them lifted up their captain, others merely
laid hold of the boy by the arm and led him to the officer
whom he had wounded. He burst into tears, and when he
saw the blood streaming from the officer's wound down his
white trousers, he was so terrified that he fainted. " The
captain and the boy were both carried together to a small
house near Passy.-IVapier's Military Life.
SHAH SHUJA AND HIS BROTHEIL—Baron Hugel, with
whom I had travelled from Kashmir, and myself, were in-
troduced by Captain Wade to Shah Shuja and Shah Ziman,
the pensioned ex-kings of the country I was going to visit.
We found Shah Shuja sitting on a chair in a recess, or rather
doorway of his house, with a vista, formed by two rows of
attendants, that. diverged from it, as from a centre. He ap-
peared to be a man aged about fifty, of the middle size, good-
natured, and port-wine complexioned; looking more like a
gentleman who had lost an estate, than a monarch who had
lost his kingdom. He wore a dark-coloured robe, a white
turban, and white cotton . gloves. Baron Hugel had been
received with great distinction by Runjit Sing ; I had come
in for a share of it. Every application which the shah made
to the government went through Capt. Wade; and yet ho
allowed neither of us a chair, bat kept us standing the whole
time. His brother, Shah Ziman, resided in a different part
of the building : we went to see him also. We stood ; he
sat on the ground, pale, thin, dejected, and counting his
beads. He asked much about Kashmir, and said that the
shawls were not now so fine as they used to be. " I remem-
ber," he said, " when the finer fabric could be drawn through
a ring." He was praising the beauty of Kashmir. " Yes,"
remarked the poor blind monarch, " Kashmir is certainly
beautiful, and the air and water are good ; but," he conti-
nued, with a melancholy shake of the head, and a sigh as
deep as I ever heard, " Kabul, Kabul! what is Kashmir to
Kabul? and I shall never see it again !". We were surprised
to hear from Captain Wade, that, in spite of their common
misfortunes and fate, the two brothers were not on the best
terms with each other. The next morning, Shah Shujah
sent us several trays, containing the best display of native
cookery that I had seen in the east : it had probably been
superintended in management by the ladies of the haram.—
Vigne's Visit to Kabul.
EFFECTS OF CIVILIZATION ON THE POLYNESIAN
ISLANDS.—The principal improvements the natives have
made are in religious observances, and in the acquirement of
the rudiments of education ; the greater number can read the
Scriptures in the Tahitian tongue; many can write a legible
hand, and some few possess a good knowledge of arithmetic.
The women have been instructed in platting straw-cinnet, in
manufacturing hats and bonnets, in the use of the needle, and
in the duties of domestic servants. The men are, to a limited
extent, capable of working as shipwrights, blacksmiths, car-.
penters, and joiners ; many also engage themselves to ships
frequenting their island, when they speedily perform the
duties of ordinary seamen with steadiness and ability. * *
The Tahitians are now a Christian nation. They worship
in the presbyterian form, and are under the pastoral care of
eight British missionaries, who reside in the principal dis-
tricts round the island, and have charge of the whole • al-
though in some of the more remote villages native teachers
perform the clerical duties. No opinion is more questionable
than that hazarded upon the amount of religious feeling pos-
sessed by any large community; but we are justified in be-
lieving that these islanders are good average Christians, it we
compare their spiritual state with that of the Christian world
at large. Many of them appear to be sincerely devout, and
steadfast both in faith and works; others are induced by hy-
pocrisy and interested motives, or influenced only by the pre-
vailing opinions of the day ; while a third, and by far the
most numerous class, pass through the rontine of devotional
forms from a sense of propriety, or by the coercion of the
laws, but view religious matters with indifference, and would
be glad to escape from their restraints. The strictness, how-
ever, with which the island laws enforce the observance of
religious forms leaves the native but little latitude to gratify
his inclination in this respect ; consequently, on the Sabbath
the churches are filled with the entire population, clothed in
decent attire, and presenting an orderly and contented ap-
pearance, which makes a very favourable impression upon the
foreign visitor. That a large proportion of the natives are
well instructed, and impressed with the importance of their
new religion, may be inferred from the many of their number
that have emigrated as teachers to the idolatrous islands,
where, by their precept and example, they have done much
to disseminate improved habits and the pure doctrine of the
Christian faith. It is also but justice to admit, that crimes
of magnitude are now of rare occurrence amongst them, and
that the dishonesty they so prominently displayed upon their
early intimacy with Europeans is now greatly diminished, or
merged into the more ambiguous form of mercantile shrewd.
ness.—Bennett's Whaling Voyage.
THE EASTERN STATE-PRIEST OF TIIE HIGHEST ORDER,
OR Gooaoo.—The number of Bramin sanneasis is small.
Under the name of Gooroos and Swamalus they may be re-
puted the bishops of the different sects, who exercise a juris-
diction over all their inferiors in every thing relating to reli-
gion and caste. They also perform certain ceremonies, ana-
logous to the rite of confirmation granted by English prelates,
whether in England or India. They arc supported entirely
by the willing contribution of their disciples ; which, never-
theless, are so burdensome, that a Gooroo never can continue
long in one place. * * An hundred pagodas, or
.£36 15s. sd. a-day, is as little as can be decently offered to
such a.personage, or nearly £14,000 per annum. The Rajah
of Tanjore has been said to give his Gooroo 250 pagodas, or
£9l 18s. 6d. per diem, when honoured by his visits. The
Gooroos travel in great state, with elephants, horses, palan-
quins, and an immense train of disciples. They generally
travel at night, to avoid Moslem or European scorn. They
claim more than veneration; they consider themselves entit
led to adoration. On the approach of a Gooroo to a place,
every Hindoo of pure birth must go to meet him. The other
classes are not admitted to his presence.—Massie's Confine
tat India.

AN IRISH Waxy.—The following rich specimen of Irish
anecdote is related among other electioneering stories, by
Sir Ilarry Boyle, an Irish Mimber of Parliament, and a
prominent character in Charles O'Malley, the new work by
the author of Harry Lorreguer. The person on whom the
joke is played off, is represented to be a sort of under secre-
tary a litte'rateur, come expressly to remark and write upon
that curious specimen of the genus homo, the Galwegian in
his own locality :—"' Peter,' said Mr. Macnamara, turning
to the servant behind him, who's dead hereabouts?" Sorry
one, yer honour, since the scrimmage at Portumna ; the place
is peaceable.' Who died lately in the neighbourhood ?'
'The Widow Macbride, yer honour.' Couldn't they take
her up again? Peter, my friend here never saw a wake."
' afeerd not, for it was the boys roasted her, and she
wouldn't be a dacent corpse for to show a stranger,' said
Peter, in a whisper. Mr. Pettyman shuddered at these
peaceful indications'of the neighbourhood, and said nothing.
Well, then, Peter, tell Jemmy Divine to take the old mus-
ket in my bedroom, and go over to the Clunagh bog, he
can't go wrong, there's twelve there that never pay a half-
penny rent, and when it's done, let him give notice to the
neighbourhood, that we'll have a rousing wake.' You don't
mean, Mr. Macnamara, you don't mean to say —,' stam-
mered out the cockney, with a face like a ghost. ' I only
mean to say, said Phil., laughing, that you're keeping the
decanter very long at your right hand.' Burke contrived to
interpose before the Englishman could ask any explanation
of what he had just heard—and for some minutes he could
only wait an impatient anxiety—when a loud report of a stun
close beside Ole house attracted the attention of the guests
—the next moment old Peter entered, his face radiant with
smiles. Well, what's that ?' said Macnamara. 'Twas
Jimmy, yer honour ; as the evening was rainy he need to
take of the neighbours, and he hadn't to go far, for Andy
Moore was going home, and he brought him down at once.'
Did lie shoot him ?' said Mr. Prettyman, while cold perspi-
ration broke over his forehead. Did he murder the man ?'
Sorra murder,' said Peter disdainfully ; but why wouldn't
he shoot him when the master bid him ?" "
—Charles O'Malley.

PURGATORY.—" ' Three pound,' says I, be-gorra ye
might us well ax me to give you the rock of Cashel.' ' I'm
sorry for ye, Mickey,' says be, gatherin' up the reins to ride
off, I'm sorry for you ; and the day will come when the ne-
glect of your poor father will be a sore stroke agin yourself.'
' Wait a bit, your reverence,' says I, ` wait a bit : would forty
shillings get him ,out?' Av coorse it wouldn't,' says he.
Maybe,' says I, coaxing, ` maybe, av you said that his son
was a poor boy that lived by his indhustry, and that the times
was bad ?" Not the least use,' says he. ` Arrah, but it's
hard-hearted they are,' thinks I ; well, see now, I'll give
you the money—but I can't afford it all at oncet—but I'll
pay five shillings a week—will that do?' I'll do my en-
deavours,' says Father Roach ; ` and I'll speak to them to
trate him peaceably, in the mean time.' Long life to yer
reverence, and do. Well, here now, here's five hogs to be-
gin' with ; and, musha, but I never thought I'd be spending
my loose change that a way.' Father Roach put the six tin-
pinnies in the pocket of his black leather breeches, said some-
thing in Latin, and bid me good morning, and rode off."—
Charles °Walled. •
GALWAY PRECEDENCE.—Now came a moment of diffi-
culty ; and one which, as testing Mr. Blake's tact, he would
gladly have seen devolve upon some other shoulders ; for he
well knew that the marshalling a room full of mandarins,
blue, green, and yellow, was " cakes and gingerbread" to
ushering a Galway party to dinner. First there was Mr.
Miles Bodkin, whose grandfather would have been a lord if
Cromwell had not hanged him one fine morning. Then,
Mrs. Moses Blake's first husband was promised the title of
Kilmacud if ever it was restored, whereas Mrs. French of

Kuocktumnor's mother was then at law for a title ; V and
lastly, Mrs. Joe Burke was fourth cousin to Lord Clanri-
carde, as is or will be every Burke from this to the day of
judgment. Now, bickily for her prospects. the lord was
alive ; and Mr. Blake, remembering a very sage adage, about
" dead lions," &c., solved the difficulty at once, by gracefully
tucking the lady under his arm, and leading the way ; the
others soon followed; the priest of Portumna and my un-
worthy self bringing up the rear.—Charles O'Malley.
MICKEY DELANY AND IlLS; PRIEST.--Otte day I was
coining home from Athlone market, by myself on the road,
when Father Roach overtook me. " Devil a one ame 'll take
any notice of you now," says I, "and we'll see what'll come
out of it." So the priest rid up, and looked me straight in
the face. " Mickey," says he, " Mickey." "Father,,, says
I. "Is that the way you salute your clargy," says he, " with
your caubeen on your head ?" " Faix,' says I, "it's little
ye mind whether it's an or aff, for you never take the trouble
to say by your leave, or damn your soul, or any other polite-
ness, when we meet." " You're an ungrateful
i creature"
says he, " and if you only knew, " you'd be tremblin,, n
your skin before me, this minute." " Devil a tremble,"
says I, " after walking six miles this way.'; "Mickey,"
says he, changing his voice, and putting his head down close
to me, " Mickey, I saw your father last night." ."
The saints
be merciful to us," said I, "did ye ?" " I did," said he.
" 'fear-an-ages," says I, " did he tell you what he did with
the new corduroys he bought in the fair?"--Charles O'Malley.