The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1854-01-03 00:00:00

VARIETIES._

A LID was snbpcenaed as a witness in one of the Ameri-
can courts. The judge said, " Put the boy up on evi-
dence." Upon hearing which, young America exclaimed,
" Who are you calling boy ? I have chewed 'baccy these
two years.',
THE OFFERING OF GOOD DEEDS.—We celebrate nobler
obsequies to those we love, by drying the tears of others,
than by shedding our own ; and the fairest funeral wreath
we can hang on their tomb, is not so fair as a fruit-offering
of good deeds.—Jean Paul Richter.
Cuntors COINCIDENCE.-It is said that some time ago,
five clergymen of the Established Church met in the
manse of Strontian. They were all natives of Perthshire
—were all cousins—were all of the name of Stewart—and
their charges were adjoining each other.—lnverness
Courier.

THE SWINE.—That much abused quadruped has found
a eulogist, who thus sings his praise :
" You know he's stupid, since you fail to find
Some traces in him of the march of mind ;
Is he unlettered ?—think how Bacon 'shined;
And dont forget the tales Hogg left behind."
A VERT FAT MAN, for the purpose of quizzing Dr.
—, of N—, asked him to prescribe for his complaint,
which he declared was sleeping with his mouth open.
" Sir," said the dcctor, "your disease is incurable. Your
skin is too short, so that when you shut your eyes, your
month opens."
SENTIMENTAL ARITHMETIC.-2 glances—make I.look.
2 looks—make 1 sigh. 4 sighs—make 1 waltz. 3 waltzes
—make 1 palpitate. 2 palpitations—make 1 call. 2 calls
—make 1 attention. 2 attentions—make one fool (some-
times 2.) 2 fools—make 1 flirtation. 1 flirtation 2 bou-
quets-1 engagement—one marriage.
READING AND THINKIIC G.—Always have a book
within your reach, which you may catch up at your odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in a little reading every day,
if it is but a single sentence. If you can give fifteen
minutes a-day, it will be felt at the end of the year.
Thoughts take up no room. When they are right they
afford a portable pleasure, which one may travel or labour
with, without any trouble or incumbrance.
THE FEATHERED TRIBES.—A HINT IN SEASON.—

Let us not forget, amidst our Christmas festivities, the
claims which our little patient friends, the birds, put
forth to a large share of our hospitality. Do not bring out
the murderous gun to destroy what little of life remains ;
but try and make them happy. A mere trifle will do
this ; and they will in return sing you such a song !
The winds are now bleak and cutting ; the frost is keen,
and the aspect from without "wintry" in the extreme.
'Tis now that their plaint falls persuasively and pleadingly
on our ears

"The snow's coming down very fast,
No shelter is found on the tree;
When you hear the tempestuous blast;
I pray you TAKE PITY ON ME!"
Let not this little Christmas carol—savoring of love and
confidence—be chanted in vain ! Then shall our " Christ-
mas log" burn all the brighter, our joys be the more
joyous, our happiness the mere complete.—Kidd; Jour-
nal of Nature.

CosvEnssnos..—To come away from a conversation in
which there has been no censure of others, yet no lack of
zest, is to carry with our memories a golden clue.
A PARTY of Cromwell's soldiers went into a cabin in
Ireland, and demanded the second best bed in the house.

" That's bad news for Morgan, sir," replied a poor fellow
sitting at the fire. " Who the deuce is Morgan ?" asked
one of the party. " Morgan, sir," answered the owner,
"is the pig."
DANIEL WEBSTER.—Some one speaking in the hearing
of the late Daniel Webster of the sublime poetry of the
Old Testament, the latter seriously remarked, "Ah, my
friend, the poetry of Isaiah, and Job, and Habakkuk, is
beautiful indeed ; but when you have lived, as I have, 69
years, you will give more for the 14th or 17th chapter of
St. John's Gospel, or for one of the Epistles, than for all
the poetry of the Bible.
INTEREST FOR PRINCE ALBERT'S STATUE.—Give Prince
Albert a statue ? Yes, certainly, at the proper time ; may
it not arrive for a thousand years ! But, when it does
arrive, up with the statue ; a statue which shall have
been merited by a highly useful life, whereof the promo-
tion of the cosmopolitan fair in Hyde-park will have been
one only among the remarkable acts. In the meantime,
that the memorial may be worthy of the hero, put the
money already subscribed towards it out to increase and
accumulate, by which means, in addition to the interest
which our descendants will take in the work, we shall also
transmit to them compound interest that will help to pay
for it.—Punch.
PERMANENT IN a better substitute can be
found, I strongly recommend the universal use of Indian
ink in preparinc, all manuscripts intended to convey in-
formation to future ages. It is well known that all the
inks in common use are far inferior to those used by the
ancients,—that our modern inks soon become pale, and in
the course of time almost if not entirely invisible. It is a
patent fact, that Doomsday Book, after the lapse of nearly
eight centuries, is in a much better state of preservation
than the state papers of the period of our last two kings.
The inks used by our forefathers, I believe, contained
carbon ; and as that substance is the base of Indian ink,
all documents prepared with it must, from the indestructi-
ble property of the carbon, remain unchanged so long as
they can be preserved from damp and other destroying
influences; and I am not aware of any plan so likely to
secure their preservation as that I have adopted.—Cforres-
pondent of ne Builder.

Tus GOOMEA TROOPS.—We had three irregular' corps
of men called Goorkas, natives of the hills forming-the
kingdom of Nepaul. Bravest of native troops they at the
battles on the Satlej displayed such conspicuous gallantry
as to place them for courage a level with our Euro.
peans ; and, certainly, they have. a fine military spirit, are
fierce in war, of unsurpassed activity, and possess great
powers of enduring. fatigue. Very low of stature, they
haveshort limbs, but with enormous- muscles, and vast
strength, and their chests are both broad and deep. These
hardy soldiers profess an extraordinary attachment to our
men, and are, like them, given. to strong drink ; but are
said to-have a dislike to the Sepoys amonuting to contempt.
In the l`Zepaul war of 1811, with inferior numbers, they
defeated' the British troops more than once.; and an ac-
quaintance- with them undm arms in no way tended to
diminish my opinion of their high character as- soldiers.—
Indian Misgovernment by Sri. C. J. Napier:
A " COVIOTRY SCHOOLMASI'Ert."—The following cha-
racteristic prAnction has been forwarded to, this office,
in answer to an advertisement which appeared- in our
columns a sltbrt time since :—" Sir'---Having been in-
formed by you.rpaper of the sth nit. that a schoolmaster
is required for a country school, I begi to offer narself as
candidate, and to'say that I can teeeh the whole euarse of
arithmetic, English Grammer, Bookkeeping, Mensura-
tion. Practital Geometry, and the- first .four books- of
Euclid or Elementary Geometry & Geography, therefore-
/ flatter myself qualified to teach your'" Country School;"
but not having yet acted in the honourable capacity of either
town or Country school master, I cannot furnish you with
t....ny testimonials, except my own sweet self which yo*
may have on the conditions set forth in your valuable
Telegraph by dropping me a not which you may address,
to me Anghnacloy, Darylin, Co. Fermaaagh.—l am sir
roar most obt servt,— —"—Newry Telegraph.
NATIONAL INI,LITErCEN oP POETRY.--Since poetry—
especially the lyrical form" of it—has bectrine a power in
the' State, it may be interesting to our readers to hear
that a Turkish poet, Halig Effendi, has written a national
fiyrah, in the style of the "Marseillaise," which his
countrymen are described A repeating with extraordinary
zest' and energy. Philosophers affect to despise poetry,
and' Plato banished the poets from his model republic ;
but in' moutents of crises liire that which now•shakes the
Orient, it is. always found that men will bear;. and dare,
and aspire mare greatly under the sway of lyrical passion
than without the exaltation a nerve and brain-produced
by till; subtle and spiritual power_ The Spartans needed
a Tyrteziesi Roger de Lisle nerved the arms which beat
down one after another the Dings of Europe. Koruer
roused all Germany to action. - Beeker's lyric saved the
Rhine pretinces,, and won for the' author two roy,al pen-
sions. Tl Revolution of '4B was effected to the.eliorris
of " Monritvpotir la Patrie ;" and' he splendid Hungarian
campaign. of '49- was made to the 'Kossuth March." Our
own Commonwealth was introduced; by a psalm tune,. and
James theSeeond was frightened, out of three kinz;dbms
by a chointh and Campbell did nearly as ranch
for the BMA. navy as Nelson and: Collingwood,--either
rt6ng-writer certainly did more thaw SeMen, Pepys, and
all other antiipiariare prosers about-the severeiobnty &Rho;
ge seas put tother. It is of no smaitmoament,then, that,
a native poet','-should have drawn. Iron), the rock Clime.
living waters- of song which at once.satisfy the commit
craving and fortify the national zeak,--Athenceum,

WINTERS IN:-OLIMEN TIMES.—Ia:I664 the cold was-so-
intense that the- Thames was covered with ice sixty-one.
inches thick.. Almost all the birde‘-perishe4l. In 1693,
the cold was so excessive that the fandshed.wolves entered:
Vienna and ..tacked beasts and even ,men, Many people..
fir Germany were frozen to death 'ziil696,. and 1699 was-,
nearly as bail. In 1700 occurred that famous winter~
called, by distinction,. the " Cold Winter." All the rivers,
and lakes werefrozen,. and even the' sea,for several miles,
from the shores._ The-ground was frozen nine feet deep..
Birds and beasts -were struck dead inlthe-fields, and men
perished by thousands in their houses: In. the south of
France the wine plantations were almost destroyed ; nor
have they yet recovered that fatal disaster. The Adriatic
sea was frozen, and even the Mediterranean. about Genoa
and the citron and. orange groves suffered extremely in
the finest parts. of Italy. In 17/6-:the winter was so
intense 'that people travelled across„ the Straits from
Copenhagen to the province of Senia,iuSweden. In 1729,
in Scotland, multitudes• of cattle and sheep- were buried in
the snow. In IT-10- the winter wee, scarcely inferior to,
that of 1709. The. snow lay ten feet. deep. in Spain and.
Portugal. The Zilyder Zee was frozen, over, and thou-
sands of people went across it. And the lakes in England_
froze. In 1741 the winter was very .cold., Snow fell in
Portugal to the depth of twenty-three:-feet on a level. In
1754 and 1755 the winters were very severe-and cold. In
England, the strongest ale, exposed to the air in a glass,
was covered with-ice one-eighth of an. inch thick. In
rya the Elbe was frozen to .the bottoms_ In 1776 the
Danube bore ice- five feet thick below. Vienna. Vast
numbers of the feathered and finny- tribes-perished. The
winters of 1774 and 1775 were uncommonly severe. The
Little-Belt was. frozen over. From 1800 to 1812 also the
winters were remarkably cold, particularly the latter, in
Russia, which proved. so disastrous to the. French army.

PICTURE OE, MENSCILLKOFF.—Menschikoff has in--
variably refused, to sit to any artist. He is about 70 years.
of age, of middle stature, has closecut milk-white hair, a:
high open forehead, sharply-defined features, and a bright
sparkling eye. His gait is haughty, but slightly limping,.
from a wound he received in a singular manner, at the-
siege of Varna, in 1828. One: evening, having given
some orders that he wished to see• implicitly obeyed, he
strolled thrctagh the camp ; and. as. he was returning to
his quarters he stopped and remained with his legs_
stretched wide apart while he enjoyed a pinch of snuff.
Suddenly the-report of a heavy.. gun. was heard, and the:
fell Ite.adlon,g to the ground.. When he was taken
up it was fermd that a cannonball had passed between hia
legs and wounded him severely in the thigh. Prime
Menschikoff Ss one of the most extensive landed proprietors
in the empire, and counts hie . serfs by thousands ; but,
unlike the generality of the Russian nobles, he adds daily
to his wealth. His economy. is without a parallel,_ and
indeed is stated to descend, to, parsimony of the lowest
grade ; but, however grinding his extortion in his-patri-
monial estate, wall grand state occasions his appearance,
carriages, and suite are mast magnificent. He p-assesses
a superb.ma.usion at St. Petersburg; his establishment of
servants and equipage is on a scale of the most lavish ex-
pense, and he is surrounded by numerous aides-de-camp
glittering in " barbaric pearls and gold." Another striking
peculiarity of this remarkable man is the aversion he
entertains for foreigners.. Not one—even an ambassador—
has ever been permitted to enter his palace. He is both
rough and fickle, and when anything offends him becomes
absolutely brutal. Rut while he bends to the imperial
yoke from motives of avarice or ambition, he revenges his
official servitudeby browbeating, threatening, and abusing
na who have the. misfortune to be connected with him;
and as he is a man of considerable talent and indomitable
energy, he succeeds most marvellously in his amiable.
occupation. It is not therefore to be wondered at that he-
has many enemies. Menschikoff married the Princess
Delgorouki, by whom he has a son and daughter.— United
States Gazette.
EGITTIAS WOMEN'S GRIE7.---AS. we walked out this

morning, near a little village on the: western bank of the
Nile, our attention was arrested by loud outcries, which
seemed to proceed from both sides of the river, and, on the
opposite, bank, we saw some women making violent ges-
ticulations, accompanied with piercing screams.. At the
same time a confused wailing arose from the village ; and,
directing our steps thither, we saw a number of women,
seated on the ground, swinging themselves to and fro,
throwing dust upon their heads, and uttering a low mur-
muring cry, that seemed to be a repetition of the same
words, in a plaintive monotonous chant. Others were
walking up and down, throwing their arms in the air,
tearing their long cotton hoods, shaking their dresses
violently, and shrieking as if distracted with grief. All
the women of the village were gathered round one of the
little hoods, which seemed to be the centre of this strange
commotion. Presently the women whom we had seen on
the opposite bank arrived in a boat, and came in mournful
procession to join in the wailing of the village. Some
were chanting the same dolorous chant. Others, throw-
ing aside their garments, would shriek at intervals ; and
each one, as she reached the group at the village, would
utter a shrill piercing scream, such as we had first heard
from the other side the river. On inquiring the occasion
of this grief, we learned that a little child playing near
this river, the day before, had fallen in and got drowned;
and though, according to the present custom of the country,
he had already been committed to the dust, the neighbours,
far and near, had gathered to mourn with their mother.
The absence of male persons from this assembly of women
forcibly reminded us of the frequent allusions in the
Scriptures to the 'mourning of women; and the whole
scene answered to the details of scenes in the Old
Testament. The effect was peculiar. There were,
perhaps, in all thirty women, all dressed in
i the uni-
form style of the poorer class of women n Egypt,
with a long, loose garment of dark blue cotton cloth, and
a hood of the same material covering the head and descend-
ing to the waist. These melancholy looking figures pass-
ing to and fro, shrieking, howling, wailing, throwing open
their hoods and disfiguring themselves with dirt, jerking
their garments as if they would tear them to pieces,
seemed the very impersonation of despair. I know not
how long this scene continued, perhaps till nature was ex-
hausted, but for more than a mile beyond the village, we
continued to hear that wild, piercing cry that had first
startled us,— The Rev./. Thompson's Letterfrom Egypt.