The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1838-11-20 00:00:00

A CRUSTACEOUS TOUR.
BY THE IRISH OYSTER-EATER.

(From Blackwood's Magazine for November )
I arrived at Belfast, which boasts no indigenous bivalve,
but adopts for her own the gigantic oysters of Carrickfergus,
which, as I ant informed, is the name of a city, not of an
oyster-bed. Procuiing a guide, I requested him to precede
my steps to those Cimmerian regions "where oysters most
ilia congregate," and presently arrived. guided more by the
nose than by the other senses, at one of the retired emporia
of shell-fish in the Athens of reland.

The place was a study ;—soft unresisting mud formed the
primitive Boor; a• board, unplaned and rough, elevated upon
a pile of bricks, simulated a divan, while the table was suppiied
by two of the divan boards tacked together, and extended from
end to end of the " salon." A rushtight flickered in an old
iron . candlestick, and• most ancient and fish-like smell"
pervaded the apartment. Forthwith appeared a hideous crone,
whose breath, redolent of whisky and tobacco, was expended
in the business-like enquiry, " Wud ye be fur oysters, my
man ?" .

. .
This interrogatory was replied to by an order fur half a
hundred of her very pritnest Carrickfergus natives—to begin
",Half a hunner7-a hail half-hunner—Oh! oh! oh!
the man's a baveril—a hail half-hunuer o' Carricks—save
us!" With this ejaculation my hostess, having clutched the
ruslilight in her palm, decamped, leaving me in a state of tri-
bulation that may be imagined, as the saying is, but beggars
all description.
In a few minutes, however, Alecto returned with the rush-
light stuck iu a trencher of the largest size, upon which were
half a dozen of the most magnanimous oysters I had ever seen.
They were natives to be sure, but natives of Patagonia;—the
least rivalled in circumference the largest saucer I ever saw,
while the biggest-equalled the periphery of a soup-plate.
What a vision for the immortal Dando! Wbat would nut
Louis des Huitres have given for the dish ? For my poor
part, I never relished making two bites of a cherry, or of an
oyster either. Like humble friends, oysters do not take kindly
to cutting. Every fish ought to he no more than a mouthful.
but it ought to be no less. I leave to more enterprising gour-
mands than myself the task of a critical analysis of the Pati-
gonian bivalves of Carrickfergus. I ought to obsetve, in
justice to Belfast, that at the excellent tavern of 11PAllister,
iu Graham's Entry, where the best supper in supper-eating
Ireland may be had, there is to be found occasionally a sup-
ply of the teal Carlingford oyster. This joyful event.how-
ever, is rare and I lament to observe that the metropolis of
the north of Ireland is so debased by a too prosperous trade,
so abs Orbed in the grovelling concerns of her thriving manu-
factures, that the breeding of oysters is shamefully-neglected,
and no pains are taken to awaken a patriotic enthusiasm on
behalf of native Irish oysters in general, while the "Poldoody
Association," lately established for the constitutional redress
of ostrac.erial grievances, is here regarded by the veryoysters
themselves with silent contempt! XVith a sigh I ascended
the " Fair Trader" day drag, at five o'clock in the morning,
en route to the next town of crustaceous interest, passing
along the great Dublin road, through a country of amazing
fertility and beauty, inhabited by a sober, industrious, and
religious peopie, watered by bubbling gravelly streams, shel-
tered from the cold north wind by hills,, whose acclivities
were seen white with the bleaching linen. sometimes con-
founded by the stranger traveller with virgin snow upon the
ground; sometimes caught through circling groves like lakes
gleaming in the sunshine. To an indiffe rent person a sight
like this might be worth the remembrance; but to me it was
a 'desert. My impatient soul bounded onwards to Newry,
where I knew the " real Carlingfords" were to be had. My
no less impatient stomach, clogged with its material tunics,
and sadly embarrassed with its serous, mucous, and muscular
coats, gave vent to its ill-humour in awful rumbling noises,
such as vex the intestinal canals of Vesuvius or Stromboli.
But, lo ! at the brow of the bill we pause—in the valley
before us lies Newry—beyond, in the far distance, are seen
the blue outlines of the Carlingford mountains—beyond the
mountains lies the bay—at the bottom of the bay lie the
oysters. " Coachman leaves here, sir." We are in Newry
—and before us, on the breakfast-table, in a huge wooden
bowl, behold the gelatinous objects of our affections—the
real, the undoubted, unsophisticated Carlingfords, and no
mistake!

Newry is dear twiny remembrances—l have heard it called
an odious hole, and so forth—to me it was everything that
was delightful, for then oysters were in season. The waiter
at Black's (tor your own sake go to Black's, the Sbakspeare,
and order your oysters in Edmund Kean's favourite room)
talked about patty squabbles and religious squabbles. I saw
nor heard nothing of either, foi the oysters were of the primed.
The disaffected grumbled, it is true, about the decline of
trade, and taxation, and such stuff; crops, they said, were
never so bad—when, may I ask, were oysters better ? Thus
is it ever with perverse human nature the vice to neglect the
blessings we possess, and hanker after the blessings which
we possess not, to conaplain or the unavoidable contingencies
of sublunary things, and forget, in ever-wrought anticipations
of unattainable felicity, that irruch whereof the happiness of
life is made tip is still within our grasp, and that whatever ills
oppress us, and whatever cares corrode, still there remains
for us the consolation that we have oysters of the best, and
that owr oysters are in season

I have always 'oven prone to a belielf in supernaturals, and
a circumstance occurred while lowas opening an acquaintance
with the natives of Carlingford, at Newry, that by no means
diminishes the Rosicrucianity of my notions of the spiritual.
It was near the midnight hour—the candles down almost to
the socket—l had supped sparingly on some three quarters of
an hundred, more or less, of my favorite fish, scalloped,
stewed, and au nature!, kept down by half-a-dozen stiff tum-
blers of hot brandy and water, less or more—a sort of sopori-
ferousness laid hold of me—the full length of the immortal
Kean, presented by himself to his friend mine Host of the
Shakspeare, reeled in its gorgeous gilded frame—the cham-
ber was locomotive—if I had exceeded in any way I might
have supposed myself a little " how came you so?" Be that
as it may, however, a rustling noise was heard outside the
dour, as if a barrel of oysters had been tumbled on the spot,
which I verily believe to have been the case, for on a sudden
the doer opened wide, in Caine a sea of oysters, rolling heels
over head, in waves of confusion to my very feet. It was, in
fact, a deputation from Carlingford, sent by the natives there
to:invite rueto a public ilinner. Think of that, Master Brook !
By one of those legerdemain tricks that occur so frequently
at public meetings, the entire deputation get, somehow or.
other, upon the table, where, having wriggled themselves into'
something like order, a venerable•hivalve, grey with barnacles
-and age, advanced to the front, and having opened his shell,
delivered himself nearly as follows;—`Sir,—The natives (if'
Carlingford having heard, to their cost; of your at rival in this
neighbourhood, and being well aware of, the deadly interest
you take ie their affairs, :bas'ie resolved to sacrifice a number
of their choicest iahabitants to your judicious palate—(` hear,
hear!' from a little fat oyster;)—and accordingly, for the
honneand reputation of the natives of Carlingford—(' hear !'
from the fat one)—a sufficient number of volunteers have ge-
nerously come forward—(bravo !)—to die gloriously for their
compatriots. (` Hear, hear!' and (lave' ing of shells on ali
sides.) We, the deputation in this matter appointed, do
therefore tespectfully solicit you to Haute a day—(' hear,
hear!' from the corpulent bivalve)—when we may expect the
pleasure of your company at the oyster-beds, for which pur-
pose the Mayor and Aldermen of Carlingford have gener-
ously placed-Lin oyster boat and diving-bell at your disposal."
(Great and enthusiastic clattering.) What answer I might
have made to
this hospitable proposal 1 know not ; for, hav-
ing taken umbrage at the eternal hear, hear!"' of the-little
bloated native (there always is in deputations, if You observe,
one greasy little aboMintition making his lungs a's prominent
as his belly,) I watched my opportunity, and, catching him
between the jaws with my oyster-knife, while in the act of
ejaculating a "hear, hear !" I opened him in a twinkling, to
the evident consternation of the surviving erustacea, who see-
ing me bolt their obese colleague, retreated in the same die-
older in which they had arrived ! I might have treated the
whole affair as the natural result of a scanty supper and
limited supply of grog, had I not discovered a paper which
the deputation left behind in their precipitate retreat, and
which is so well considered and temperately expressed, that
I do not think it unworthy a Place in the records of my pereL:
grinations.

" To the Most Honourable the Marquis of Anglesey, K.- G.
K. Sr. P., G. C. 8.. a General in the Army, Colonel of the
7th Light Dragoon Guards, Lord Lieutenant of Anglesey-
shire, &c., &c., &v.
" The Petition of the Natives of Catlingford humbly and 're-
spectfully showeth,
That petitioners and their ancestors have been, from time
immemotial, submarine inhabitants of the oysterledsin the
bay of Carlingford, whereof your Lordship is Lord of the
soil.

"'That they have enjoyed for centuries a reputation for fat-
ness and flavor second to none, superior to 'oust, equal to any.
"'That they bring. higher prices, and are more in demand
than any other description of oyiter in Dublin and elsewhere.
""That they regret to state that, of late years,owing to:the
poverty of the fishermen,'or the system of too frequent died;
Ring, or from indiscriminate-and rapaeiimiliNfracti(4„rthe•
interior fish, they have suffered iu character, are less in de-
mand, and sold at a lower price per hundred than formerly.
"'That whereas in personal appearence your petitioners
were formerly invariably as ‘round as a ball, while as a out,-
and full as a tick, they latterly have become little better than
so many bits of slate, owing to the' operation of some or other
of the causes above stated. . • ..•
" In tender consideration Whereof your petitioners; .regar-
ding the Poldoody Association' lately established, in corn-.
mon with other inhabitants of the North of lielarid, with
sovereign contempt, turn to your Lordship, as their landlord
and natural protector, in the hope that, without injury to the
interests of the fishermen of Carlingford, some legislative
enactment may be adopted, to preserve from further deteriora-
tMo the Carlingford oyster-beds.
" And your petitioners, as in duty hound, will ever pray.
" Signed, on behalf of the petitioners,
"MoTtititt-oy-PEARt.s."

I take.no credit to myself for the announcement of the fact.
which I state from undoubted authority, that owing to toy ex-
ertions in this matter -a Commission has been appointed to,
enquire into, and report upon, the state and prospects of the
oyster-beds, generally, while six and thirty Assistant-Com-
missisoners, with a-Sufficient supply of biscuits, oyster-knives,
and bottled stow,. have already been appointed,,and have
actually set out to prosecute their.enquiries on the :spot,
ii supposed-that .in-tWentyyears' time thete will be sufficient
data accumnlatedcto frame• the first report, and that not more
ihan thirty thousand pounds will he required annually for this
Commission. Indeed it is generally supposed that our pater
nal government, actingon the principle embodied it) the Rail.
way Report, will discourage oyster eating generally, except
under GoVernment auspices. It has already been calculated
that no oyster-cellar under extra-Ministerial management
will pay inure than three and a-half per cent. on the sunken
capital, and it is predetermined to recommend a "Central
Metropolitan Oyster Emporium," to he established in the
Castle of Dublin, of which the celebrated Mr. Dando, the
oyster-eater, is intended to be resident Stipendiary Com-
missioner!

Leaving Newry and the North, we cross the Carlingford
mountains into Louth, passing. on our way many towns and
villages remaikable for beggars and dirt, and one sweet little
spot (Castlehellingham), notorious for cleanliness and hum-
ming ale—good ale, rare beverage in this alcoholic clime!
Oysters ate not cultivated between Carlingford Bay and the
Hill of Howl' ; the country may therefore be as well oblitera-
ted from the maps in future;

On the 29th of June a scion of the house of Timour was
hanger. at Dolhi, for having brutally murdered his wife be-
cause she refused to give up half her jewels to his paramour.
The poor woman was young and beautiful, and eight months
gone with child. The wounds made by the ruffian's sword
cut her up, and the child fell at his feet.
ON THE WICKEDNESS OF WOMAN.—The wickedness of
women is a subject upon which the stronger sex among the
Arabs, with an affected feeling of superior virtue, often dwell
in common conversation. That women are deficient in judg-
ment or good sense, is held as a fact not to be disputed even
among themselves, as it rests upon the assertion of the Pro-
phet ; but that they possess a superior degree of cunning is
pronounced equally certain and notorious. Their general
dwravit‘ is pronounced to be much greater than that of men.
stood," said the Prophet, " at the gate of Paradise: and
10, most of its inmates wire the_poor ; and I stood at the gate
of hell; and 10, most of its inmates were women." In allu-
sion to women, the Khaleefeh 'Omar said, " Consult them
and do the contrary of what they advise." But this is not to
be done merely for the sake of opposing them; nor when
other advice can be had. "It is desirable for them," says a
learned liatin, "before he enters upon any.important under-
taking, to consult ten intelligent persons among his particu-
lar friends; or, it he have not more than five such friends,
let him consult each of them twice; or he have not mOre
than one friend, he shmild consult him ten times at ten dif-
firent visits; if he have not one to consult, let him return to
his wife, and consult her; and whatever she advises him to
do, let 'him clothe contrary; so shall he proceed rightly in his
affair, and attain his object." A truly virtuous wife is, of,
course, excepted in this rule: such a person is .as much
respected by Muslims as she is (at least. aceording to their
own account) rarely met with by th-ero.-Nat,ds to Lands
Arabian Nights.