The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-12-15 00:00:00

THE LAIRD OF BONNYMUNE

One of the many anecdotes current of the Laird of Bonny-
mune relates to his journeying home at night, which, after
dining at a friend's house, he invariably did; and to the soli-
tary instance on record of his riding homewards after a new
fashion, without reaching the place of his destination, or even
approaching a step nearer. For the time, he was like Don
Quixote, under the management of the gay duke and duchess.
This, perhaps, is worth repeating.

It happened that a young Englishman, who inherited pro-
perty in Scotland, had been exceedingly diverted with the
eccentric appearance and demeanour of the Laird of Bonny-
miine in his boot-hose, antiquated coat, most peculiar wig,
and cocked hat. Moreover, the said youth, having been on
one occasion induced by the laird to transgress the bounds of
temperance, had a strong inclination to play the old gentle-
man a good-humoured trick in return, which was done ; but
to his dying hour Bonnyrniine never forgave it, and would
not visit in the same house again.

I cannot recollect under whose roof the trick was played
off; however, that is but of little consequence. After din-
ner, just as the laird had imbibed a stout dram, quite suffi-
cient to impair the discriminating faculty of taste, two de-
canters, one labelled port, the other claret, were placed on
the table, and into the former were slowly poured the con-
. .

tents of a dingy, cobwebbed bottle, duly- Chalked (
ill requisite formality being observed to det
hether the bee's wing were of the right tra

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,parency

anu . This decanter Was passed to the laird, who, on
trial, said it was a fruity wine, and of excellent body ; at the
second glass, he pronounced it to be the best port he had
ever met with in his life, and he " wad never wish to see bet-
ter drink." Being afterwards asked, whether he would not
take a glass of claret by way of variety, the lairdanswered
" Na, na! after port o' that quality claret tasted nae better
than sour milk; and he would not damnify his stomach by
mixing liquors." Accordingly, he adhered pertinaciously tb
this " capital drink; and in the course of the evening fin.
ished to his own share, under the name of port, three bottles
of brilliant, strong-brewed, cherry-bounce!.
Such a dose would of course have annihilated any ordinary
man (or even George IV., who was partial to the same kind
of liqueur); but it by no means produced conclusive effects
on the Laird of Bonnymiine, who through the whole evening
seemed in the best possible condition, and highly pleased
with his entertainment. At the usual hour, Peter announced
that the horses were at the door ; but having been summoned
into the dining-room to receive his own " stirrup-cup," be,
on retiring, declared that the laird was " extraordinart foo."

Foo or sobers however, the laird as a matter of course per-
sisted in his determination to ride home. On the present
occasion it happened that, in attempting to leave his chair,
13onnymiine tumbled down ; but this was of no consequence,
his friend:, being Sober and willing to help him up again.
Meanwhile, by the activity of the young Englishman, who
had retired from the room, a saddle had been adjusted to
and fixed upon a " fell dyke," that is to say, a turf-wall,
close by the mansion ; such fell dykes, often centur es old
(and mixed with whin-stones), 6eing then an adjunct of
every ancient residence.

is somewhat confused by his fall, and began
fto suspect that he was rather " foe." He adjusted
g, drew up his, boot-hose, and his spurs were buckled
on for him ; finally, his great coat, shawl, and cocked fiat,
all endowed ; and with a look of authority, out he marched.
But, by the kind interference of his friends, his course was
. .

directed to the " fell dyke " instead of the horses
held the stirrup, the laird mounted, (taking up a snaffle-rein
firmly attached to a stump) wished his friends "good night,
tipped them a chorus to the last song, flogged the dyke, and
did his best to ride away ; all of his friends retreating except
the young Englishman, who had sheltered himself in a neigh-
bouring broom-bush, and the faithful Peter, who stood by,
having tied the horses to a tree. In a little while the laird
whipped and spurred so hard that the saddle broke from its
fastenings, and he rolled down. Peter helped him up again,
and this time prudently seated the laird on the dyke without
any saddle. After about half-an-hours whipping and spur-
ring, Bonnymiine again fell off ; and Peter going up, an-
nounced In a decisive tone, " We 're at Name noo, sir ! Your
honour has just Wen aff at the stable-door!' But his policy
was superfluous, for by this time the laird was sound asleep ;
and forthwith he was.parried 9uietly to bed.—From Itrater,,,
Magazine. for December.

A groom