The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-01-07 00:00:00

FACETLzE.

VERY HORRIBLE !—When is a horse least like a clergy-
man ?—When he's a lame'-un (layman.)
A young girl will not hesitate to tell you her age. But
you don't catch an old 'un doing that.
They say a man kicked by a horse, is wounded and heeled
at the same moment

Come o'er the moonlight sea," as the smuggler said to
Hollands.
That's smart !" as the urchin said when the schoolmas-
ter was a flogging

There's something in that," as the gal said to her stock-
ing when she put her foot in it.
What do you think of my taste ?" as the fly said ven he
got into the man's mouth.
"Too good to be true," as the husband said to his wife,
who got drunk every day, when she told him she was dying.
" Thou'rt false to me !" as the fellow said to the steam-
boat plank ven it broke under him.
" Out with it," as the man said to the child who had swal-
lowed a farthing.
_•

know a Man who cheats at cards," said a young gen-
tleman to Sheridan ; "I do not like to expose him. What
shall I do." "Back him "replied Sheridan.
" John," said the schoolmaster, " you will soon be a man,
and will have to do business ; what do you suppose you will
do when you have to write letters, unless you learn to spell
Netter ?" " Oh, sir, I shall put easy words in them."
The only prisoner in the Nantucket gaol has given the
sheriff notice that, unless the gaol is put in a more comforta-
ble condition he will " dig out." The door, he says, has no
latch, and he has hard work to keep himself confined.—Bos-
ton Notion.

A contemporary introduces a piece of poetry with these
words :—" The following lines were written, more than sixty
years ago. by one who has for many years slept in his grave,
merely for his own amusement."
" The boy at the head of the class will state what were
the dark ages of the world." Boy hesitates. " Next—
Master Smith, can't you tell us what the dark ages were ?"
" I guess they were the ages before the invention of spec-
tacles."
An Irishman was observed to feed his pig one day to reple-
tion, and to starve it the next. On being asked his reason
for doing so, he said, " Och, sure, and isn't it that I like to
have bacon with a strake o' flit and a strake o' lane equally
one after 'tother."

A gentleman employed an Irishman to trim a number of
fruit trees. He, went out in the morning, and on returning
at noon, was asked whether he had completed his work.
No ! but he had cut them all down, and was going to trim
them in the afternoon.—American paper.
Irt PORTANT, IF Tai E.—A man in Massachusets, having
the tear of the fifteen gallon law before his eyes, drank a
quantity of mortis multicaulis tea just before going to bed;
and when he woke up next morning the liquid had passed
through his skull, and formed a silk night-cap which covered
his head.

A. " Clown easter" advertises-for a-wire something•like
the following manner :—" Any gal what's got a cow, a good
feather bed with comfortable fixings, 500 dollars in hard pew-
ter, one that has had the measles, and understands tending
cbildreiS, can find a customer for life, by writing a small bil-
let dux, addressed Z. Q., and stick it in a crack of Uncle
Ebonezer's barn, back side jinir: the hog pen."

increased to such an populationextet of Constantinople is said to have
The'ehristian
mediate• neighbourhoioad,ouielico at the junction of the roads
have suddenly sprung stphreuniglilul
, that two new villages in its im-
p.
rapidT h e -
from Pera and Tatav
attributed to the distress which prevails in
convening the inhabitants to desert
livelihood. in
Et capital.hmeAiss I
trhael),iparaonv
augmentation
nßc i ualy ui
towns,
tlee ,
AND SUPPOSED
DISCOVERY OF HUMAN R •
them, and to seek a
MURDER, AT BRISTOL.—The neighbourhood of St. James,
Bristol, was thrown into a state of c •
onsiderable alarm
and
excitement, on Monday and Tuesday last, by the
discovery
of a skull and some human bones, which were dug out of the
ground by some workmen employed in making a sewer in a
court, called Crown and Dove-court, Bridew.ell-i , and
Wticb, from their appearance and the position in ewhich they
were frnd, induce a belief that they are tile re •
mains of some
man NA no was murdered and Secretly interred. At different
periodsduring the work fragments of bone were turned
to which, up,
at
whom they first, no attention was paid, the excavators by
were discovered having no suspicion that they
were those of a
human beifig • hut on Monday afternoon, a younglvan, named Davis, discovered at about two feet below
the surface of the
of a man between- t.frund a human skull, apparently that
as if it had been in the ground 4-.,0 years of age, which appeared
several years, and upon being
closely examined exhibited a fracture over the right ear,
which it is the opinion of
life with some pointed instrument,ledical men was inflicted during
ham-
mer, and which they concur in stating
such as a pickaxe or
to have caused death. me atig is of sufficient magni-
tudeformed one, and the deceased must skulla is a very peculiarly
remark-
able countenance. The bones of the nose had a very a
natural inclination, or twist to the right side upper jaw have
the skull is singularly depressed on the ri ,ide. The top, of
the left side, and there is, to use the lanisguita, and raised on
witness, "a very extraordmary prominence at ge°f P. medical
Light side."
The court in which the bones were disinterred has More than
once been the abode of characters of the worst description
and during the last 70 years there have been rumours of more
than one person,having disappeared froth the neighbourhood
under very.suspicions circumstances. A coroner's inquest
has been summoned, and have adjourned for a fortnight, and
as the matter has been actively taken up by some of the
Police, hopes are entertained that some light will be thrown
-upon the subject, involved as it is .at present in the most inex,
plteable'rnystery.