The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1853-08-16 00:00:00

only one of the best
but as entitled to tali

to require neither pro
shall offer no further observatic
with bespeaking our readers' attention to

nor intr

but content ot

the letter of

BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE

BRI7FI

DEAR MRS. SHUSAN,—I
for the last week, but couldn'

tion I was in, for sn:

barrin' the evi

cam here two weeks gone, on a vi

man tha'

Eatin' ar

I'll nev

of wat
Romar

Nigh again !"
Who knows, Miss," says I

11 I ever see Dods-

you didn't, and so many there that's fond of you."
" I don't believe it," says she, sharp. " I don't believe
there's one cares a bit about me !"

)u'll write t

k of I

one ?

he grey cloak with the blue limn', and the Bayver bonnet
wore last winter two years, they'd be useful to me here,
Lnd you could tell the neighbours that it was new clothes

you were sending me for my weddin'. Be sure ye tell me
how Sam Healey bears it. Tell him for me, with my
regards, that I hope he won't take to drink, and desthroy

his constitution.
You can write to me still as before, to your attached and
true friend, BETTY COBB.

VARIETIES.

DESPERATE.—It was stated in Syracuse, the other day,
that one of the candidates for office had employed a man
for three days up in the cemetery, copying names off the
tombstones for his petition.

IF a speculator misses his aim, everybody cries out
he's a fool," and sometimes, " he's a rogue." If hi
succeeds, they besiege his door and demand his daughter
we I in marriage.

IS WEDLOCK

woman's rights" wor
arriage—what is it ?"

Miss Lucy Stone, of Boston

1, having put the question
Irish echo in the Boston Pc

Wouldn't you like to I

ROMAN

ARCH.--A

covery of an archc
to conduct a sprin

se of Jer

es that ti
as well kw

Goo]) rou TIIE EYES.—To give brilliancy to the eyes;
shut them early at night and open them early in the
morning ; let the mind be constantly intent .on the acqul.
sition of human knowledge, or on the exercise of benevo.
lent feelings. This will scarcely ever fail to impart to the

eyes an iniell

- A WITNESS examined ti
bribery commission, said t

!ection, t

weather being hot, f

for something to drin

wrote bet

U'Murran (the landlord) giye these me
one pint of ale each, for which I will be responsible :' th
one was afterwards altered into a four.—(Loud laughter.

VOLTAIRE AND Piuoif had been to pass some time at
a country seat. One day Piron wrote on Voltaire's apart-
ment, ` Rogue." As soon as Voltaire saw it, he pro-
ceeded at once to Piron's, who said to him—" What chance
procures me the pleasure of seeing you ?" "Sir, (answered
Voltaire,) I saw your name over my door, and I have
come to return the visit."
A LITERAL JOKER.—The Bishop of Oxford having
sent round to the churchwardens in his diocese a circular
of inquiries, among which was :—" Does your officiating
clergyman preach the gospel, and is his conversation and
carriage consistent therewith ?" the churchwarden near
Wallingford replied :—" He preaches the gospel, but does
not keep a carriage."—Aylesbury News.
BOYS AND GIRLS.—The first thing a boy does after he
is weaned is to straddle the banisters and ride down stairs.
The first thing a girl sets her heart on is a doll and a set
of diminutive cups and saucers. The girls are given to
neatness, and hate soiled garments of all kinds ; boys, on
the contrary, set a high value on dirt, and are never so
happy as when sailing a log ship, with a brown paper sail,
in a mud puddle.
AFFECTION FOR STOCK-DOVES.--I quoted his (Words-
worth's) own beautiful address to the stock-dove. He said
once, in a wood, Mrs. Wordsworth and a lady were walk-
ing, when the stock-dove was cooing. A farmer's wife
coming by said to herself, " Oh, I do like stock-doves."
Mrs. Wordsworth, in all her enthusiasm for Wordsworth's
poetry, took the old woman to her heart ; " But," con-
tinued the old woman, "some like them in a pie; for my
part, there's nothing like 'em stewed in onions.".—Hay-
don's Memoirs.
A GRADUATED REVOLUTION.—When Napoleon escaped
from Elba and returned to France,the Moniteurannounced
the event as follows :—First announcement " March,
1816. The monster has escaped from the place of his
banishment ; he has run away from Elba." Second.—
" The Corsican dragon (l'Oger) has landed at Cape Juan."
Third.—" The tiger has shewn himself at Gap. The troops
are advancing on all sides to arrest his progress. He will
conclude his miserable adventure by becoming a wanderer
1 among the mountains; he cannot possibly escape."
Fourth.—" The monster has really advanced as far as
Grenoble—we know not to what treachery to ascribe it."
Fifth.—" The Tyrant is actually at Lyons. Fear and
terror seized all at his appearance. Sixth.—" The usurper
has ventured to approach the capital to within sixty hours'
march." Seventh.—" Bonaparte is advancing by forced
marches—but it is impossible he can reach Paris."
Eighth.—" Napoleon will arrive under the walls of Paris 1
to-morrow." Ninth.—" The Emperor Napoleon is at
Fontainebleau." Tenth.—" Yesterday evening his ma-
jesty the Emperor made his public entry, and arrived at
the Tuileries—nothing can exceed the universal joy !"
IRISHMEN v. " NIGGERS."—A New York farmer, tra-
velling " down south," met a peasant, with whom he
entered into the following dialogue " Are you a farmer?"
" Yes, what are you ?" "lam a farmer, too." "Be ye—
to New York ?" Yes ; how much land have you got ?"

" A hundred and twenty-five acres ; how miich -have
you ?" " Just about the same. What's your land worth
here ?" " Some on't, what we call swamp-land, kinder
low and wet like, ye know, that's worth five dollars an
acre; and, mainly, it's worth, a dollar-and-a-half or two
dollars, that's takin' a common trac' of upland. What's
yours ?" " A hundred and fifty to two hundred."
"Dollars !" " Yes." " Good Lord ! yer might as well
buy niggers at mist. _Do you work any niggers?" "No."

" gay be they don't have- niggers, that is slaves, to New
York." " No, we do not. It's against the law." " Yes,
I heerd 'twas someplace. How do yer get yer work done?"

" I hire Irishmen." "Do they V7orli good ?" " Yes, a
great deal better than negroes, I think, and don't cost
nearly so much." " What do yer have to give ?" " I pay
them eight or nine dollars a month, and board them ; don't
clothe them, or anything more." " Why, Lord ! yer can't
get any kind of a good nigger for less 'n twelve dollar a
month." " And board them ?" " Yes, and clothe, and
blank, and shoe 'em !"—Travelling in South Carolina.

GIPSIES IN THE UNITED STATES.—It has been gene-
rally supposed that gipsies were unknown in the United
States until their recent advent into New Jersey and
Virginia; but a correspondent of the Philadelphia Ga-
zette, of Bangor, writes that they have been known in
New Hampshire, Maine, and Massachusets for nearly one
hundred years. According to tradition, they were brought
from England to Portsmouth, N.H., by a gentleman, who
endeavoured to train them as household servants. He
failed in the attempt, and his gipsies afterwards betook
themselves to the barren and inhospitable plains of the
new town of Barrington, some twenty miles northwest
from Portsmouth, where they and their descendants have
resided in hovels, issuing forth, from time to time, among
the people of New Hampshire, and the borders of Massa-
chusets and Maine, disposing of baskets and other articles
of manufactures, telling fortunes, &c. They are to-day
but little in advance, in point of civilization and the de-
cencies of life, of those who have, within a year or two,
emigrated to Maryland, New Jersey, &c., though their
blood is less unmixed with that of the Yankees. All
efforts to reclaim them from their wandering life have
proved futile ; hence they are permitted to follow the bent
of their inclinations, without let or hindrance, unless they
commit some heinous offence.—American paper.
RUSSIAN TROOPS.—I was present on several occasions
when their regiment of lancers, eight battalions of infantry,
and a park of artillery were brigaded. They went admir-
ably through that most difficult of all manoeuvres, advanc-
ing in line ; but they were all old soldiers ; their cavalry
horses were lean, large, and' heavy-looking brutes. The
lancers made a poor show ; the artillery better, but
wretchedly slow ; the infantry pleased me very much,
until they commenced their light drill, when I could
hardly believe my eyes. No one seemed to be aware of
the first principles of skirmishing, from the general down
to the private, for battalion after battalion was allowed to
go on in the same way without a single remark ; the two
ranks of each file made no attempt to cover each other in
advancing and retiring ; in fact, they generally moved
together; they fired, and stood to be fired at, instead of
discharging their shot when they were about to move;
and then they halted to load, and that anywhere. Our
Rifle Brigade would make short work of such skirmishers ;
every one of them would be picked off as soon as they
extended. The Russian troops are not nearly so well
clothed as those of the regular Turkish army ; their heavy
green coats are so much more cumbersome than the light
jacket ; their cross-belts are longer and not so well put on,
the pouch being thus apt to rattle when they are at double
time ; and the helmets, though better for defence, are
clumsy and much more fatiguing to wear than the fez. I
saw the barracks of a Russian regiment, too. Such a den
of filth I never saw ; an offensive odour of melted tallow
candles, used as sauce for sour black bread, in the absence
of their much loved train oil; and damp straw strewn
about for the miserable-looking, cowed, half-famished
warriors to sleep upon.—Skene's Frontier Lands of the
Christian and Turk.

AGED MINISTERS.—Your minister is "superannuated,"
is he ? Well, call a parish meeting, and vote him a dis-
mission; hint that his usefulness is gone ; that he is given
to repetition ; that he puts his hearers to sleep. Turn
him adrift like a blind horse, or a lame house-dog. Never
mind that he has grown grey in your thankless service—
that he has smiled on your infants at the baptismal font,
given them lovingly away in marriage to their hearts'
chosen ; and wept with you when death's shadow darkened
your doors. Never mind that he has laid aside his pen,
and listened many a time and oft, with courteous grace,
to your tedious, prosy conversations, when his moments
were like gold dust ; never mind that he has patiently
and uncomplainingly accepted at your hands, the smallest
pittance that would sustain life, because "the Master"
whispered in his ear " tarry here till I come." Never
mind that the wife of his youth, whom he won from a
home of luxury, is broken down with privation and fatigue,
and your thousand unnecessary demands on her strength,
patience, and time. Never mind that his children, at an
early age, were exiled from the parsonage roof, because
there was not " bread enough and to spare," in their father's
house. Never mind that his library consists only of a
Bible and a concordance, and a dictionary : and that to
the luxury of a religious newspaper he has been long years
sap straedngebry.
mNaneyvear
mmineebdantihae his
in eurwcairtllreso;benewveorulmd
inbde
that he has " risen early and sat up late," and tilled the
ground with weary limb 3, for earthly "manna," while his
glorious intellect lay in fetters for you ! Never mind all
that—call a parish meeting and vote him " superannuated."
Don't spare him the starting tear of sensibility, or the
flush of wounded pride, by delicately offering to settle a
colleague, that your aged pastor may rest on his staff in
grateful, grey-haired independence. No ! turn the old
patriarch out; give him time to go to the moss-grown
church-yard, and say farewell to his unconscious dead, and
then—give " the right hand of fellowship" to some beard-
less, pedantic, noisy college boy, who will save your sexton
the trouble of pounding the pulpit cushions ; and who will
tell you and the Almighty, in his prayers, all the Political
MO 9f the weeks—Fanny Fern.