The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1838-09-25 00:00:00

THE JESTS OF HIEROCLES.

As no English tradition has been given of the "Jests of
Hierocles," since one that appeared in the Gentleman's Ma-
gazine more than half a century ago, I shall think no apology
necessary for presenting the public with a new one in the
present paper.—Persons said that most of the modern jests
might be found in the ancients. To say this was to say too
much ; but the reader will doubtless recognise, among those
of Hierocles, on the pedants, some that he has before seen
related of Irishmen. A pedant, indeed, or secluded man of
reading, was to the Greeks and Romans, as a subject of jest,
what an Irishman is to the English, whatever absurdities they
wished to publish they published as committed by pedants.
Hierocles was a Platonic philosoper, who flourished at Alex-
andria about A.D. 485, and wrote a commentary on the Golden
verses of Pythagorus, fragments. The present translation of
his Facetice, or Jests, is given from the edition of Schier.
I.—A pedant, attempting to swim, and being almost
drowned, swore that be would never enter the water again till
he should have learned to swim.

2.—A pedant offered a horse for sale. A purchaser coming
up and looking at his teeth, asked whether he had cast once
or twice. " Tivice," replied the pedant, " for he cast both me
and my father."
3.—A pedant, meeting another pedant, said, " I saw you in
a dream lately, and spoke to you." "Did you ?" replied the
other, " then I must beg pardon for not answering you."
4.—A pedant, visiting a sick man, inquired how he was:
but the patient was not able to answer him. Upon this the
pedant got into a rage, and said, " I wish that I myself may
be sick, and unable to answer you when you come to see me."
s.—Another mau had a horse to sell, and a man came up
to inspect his teeth. "Why do you look at his teeth ?" said
he; "see how he eats and walks."
6 —A pedant meeting a physician, said "Pardon me, and
do not blame me for not having been sick."
7.—A pedant, a ishing to catch a mouse which was continu-
ally gnawing his books, sat down eating meat opposite its
[hole.] The text is here either corrupt or imperfect, Schier's
Latin is carnem niandens e reglone ejus consedit.
B.—A pedant, wishing to teach his horse to eat little, di-
minished his quantity of food gradually every day. The horse
at length dying of hunger, "1 have suffered agreat loss," said
the pedant; "for just as 1 had brought him to live upon
nothing, he died."

9.—A pedant, having an house to sell, carried about with
him a stone as a sample of it.
10.—A pedant desiring to know if he looked well when he
was asleep, attempted to look into a glass with his eyes shut.
11.—A pedant, having bought a house, stood looking out of
a window of it, and asked the passersby whether the house be-
came him.

12.—A pedant having dreamed that he had trodden on a
spike, and hurt his foot, bound it up. Another, having learned
the reason, advised bins not to sleep without his shoes.

13.—A pedant, meeting a physician, hid himself behind the
wall. Somebody inquiring the reason, he replied that it was
long since he was sick. And that he was ashamed to look the
physician in the face.
person said to a pedant—." YOur field has been car-
ried away by a flood ;" "and what shall I say to the flood ?"
replied he.
15.—A pedant, having a cast; of wine, sealed it up. But
his slave, boring a hole in the bottom, drew off the greater
part of it. The pedant, finding the wine diminished, and the
seal unbroken, expressed his surprise how the liquor could
have been taken away •' Perhaps," said his friend, "it may
have been drawn out of the bottom." " You fool," said he,
"how can that be, when it is the top part that is missing.",
16.—A pedant, seeing some sparrows on a tree, went up
softly to the stein of it, and shook it; spreading out his gar-
ment at the same time to catch the sparrows as they fell.
I7.—A pedant meeting another pedant, said, " I thought
you were dead." " But you see me," said the other, " still
alive." " And yet the man who told me," said he, " was
much more worthy of credit than you."

18.--A pedant, walking out in -his field, inquired whether
the water which he • saw in a well there was good He was
told that it was very good, and had been drunk by his fore-
fathers. " What long necks they must have had,' said he,
" to be able to drink water at such a depth!"
19.—A pedant, being told that a crow would live two hun-
dred years, bought a young one to make the experiment.
20.—A pedant being in danger of shipwreck, and seeing
his fellow-passengers clinging to different things for safety,
followed their example by grasping the anchor.
21.—One of two brothers died. A pedant, meeting the
survivor, said, "Was it you that died, or your brother?"
22.—A pedant, being at sea in a storm, called for writing
materials to make his will; and seeing► his slaves afraid of
shipwreck, said, " Do not be concerned, for 1 make you all
free."

23.—A pedant desiring to be ferried over a river, came up
to the side of the boat on horseback, saying that he was in
too great a hurry to go on foot.
24.—A pedantic student, being in want of money, sold his
books, and writing to his father, said, "Rejoice with me, for
at last my books support me."
25.—A pedant, whose child was dead, seeing a number of
persons collected to the funeral, said, " I am ashamed to carry
such a little boy through so great a crowd."
26 —The son of a pedant, being about to go to the wars,
vowed that he would bring home the head of one of the
enemy. ' I should be content," replied the fatber, " that
you should come home without a head, if I might welcome
you safe and sound."
_ _

27.—The friend of a pedant, who happened to be staying
in Greece, wrote to him, requesting him to procure him cer-
tain books. The pedant; having neglected the commission,
said to his friend, the next time he met bim, "That letter,
which you sent to me about the books, I did not receive."
28.—A pedant, a bald man, and a barber, travelling toge-
ther, agreed for their mutual safety to watch during the
night each four hours. The barber's turn was the first, who
shaved the pedant as he lay asleep, and, at the expiration of
the time, waked him. The pedant, putting his hand to his
head to scratch it, cried out, " You rascal of a barber, you
have waked the bald man instead of me."

- These are all the jests of Hierocles on the pedants, or at
least all that have been printed. It has been said by Sarra-
vius, in a letter to Saltnasius, that there were others in the
possession of Isaac Vossius, which have not yet been pub-
lished; and he produced one on two cowards, of which, as it
has not yet been translated into English, I shall, though it
is scarcely worth the trouble, give a translation here :—A
coward owed another coward a penny: " It is tied in my
purse," said he, " which hangs at my girdle; loose the string
and take it." " It is enough," said the other, " go. lam
satisfied." His timidity was so great, that he was afraid to
take the penny from the other's purse when he was told to
take it, though he knew the other to be a coward as well as
himself.

A SMALL MISTAKE—" I say, neighbour Snobbs; if you
don't keep your hens out of my garden, I will shoot them."
" Very well, Doolittle. shoot away; only, if you kill any of
my hens, throw them over into my yard." 'Crack went the
old fowling-piece, morning after morning, and the large fat
hens were pitched into neighbour Snobb's yard like rain.
After a fortnight or more, Doolittle discovered that Snobbs
never had any hens, and that he had been shooting his own,
they having broken out of his hen-coop.—N. 0. Ptcayitne.

MODEL OF WATERLoo.—Lieutenant Siborn, Assistant
Military Secretary in Ireland, having obtained leave of ab-
sence, has arrived in London with his already celebrated
model of the battle of Waterloo. The model has been many
years in preparation. The survey of the ground has been
made under direction of government—every kind of authen-
tic information has been collected—the number and position
of the troops correctly obtained—and the whole field has
been modelled in a most masterly and correct manner. The
combatants on either side are shown, not by mere lines de-
noting troops, but by separate figures, exhibiting the troops
in their various positions and actions, and clad in their dif-
ferent costumes. The model represents the field of Waterloo
and the surrounding country, extending about two miles and
a quarter in either direction. It is reduced to a surface of
about 420 square feet, and contains upwards of 190,000
figures.—Naval and Military Gazette.
COALS FOR ATLANTIC STEAMERS.—Another feature of
some moment connected with the steam communication of
this country and the United States, especially as regards the
Great Western steam-vessel, is the circumstance that the
coals for the voyages of that ship were supplied from the
mines in Nova Scotia belonging to the General Mining Asso-
ciation. The last voyage of the Great Western was per-
formed with fuel from the mines at Pictou; and we are as-
sured that they have answered beyond expectation, not only,
it is said, on account of their superior quality, but in ad eco-
nomical point of view, for independently of the price being
below tbe English coal, the quantity consumed, we are in-
formed, is also considerably less. The facility of calling at
the mines, and thereby saving the import duty on the coal
in America, will probably become a new source of profit
hereafter, and will, no doubt, greatly contribute to establish
the competition necessary to keep-up a regular line of steam-
vessels throughout the year between England and the United
States, which is so much desired by all patties connected by
business or otherwise with Ainewica. However this may be,
the very fact that the coals of Nova Scotia have been suc-
cessfully used by the Great Western steam-vessel is a matter
of much importance; and as the coals-of the General Mining
Association are procured in the utmost abundance, there is
little doubt that tbe employment of them will tend to reduce
the price of coals in this country. As nothing contributes
so much to the well-being of the poor as cheapness of fuel,
it is of great importance that the coals of Nova Scotia should
have answered the expectation formed of them, more espe-
cially as they are procured with facility,, and eAist in abun-
dance,—Morning C4ronicle,

SHIPPING

NTELLIGENCE.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25.
ARRlVDD.—Hirondell, —, and Julia, —, from the Medi-
terranean.

Voader, (steamer); Delhi, Herbert; Mangalore, Airey, and Lady
Stormont, M•Mincl, hence at Quebec
Pestongie, Bozanjic, from London, at Rio Janeiro 11th Aug. for
South Australia

George Washington, Holdredge, hence at New York 29th Aug.
Courier, Nelson, was to sail from Valparaiso for Liverpool about
20th July
Fair Barbadian, —, hence at Monte Vide°
Anne, Seager, hence for Newfoundland, at Belfast, with main
boom and gaff
Mayflower, Cumming, hence at Gibraltar
Mary Roberts, Perry, hence at Helvoet
Pallas, Blanchard; Alabamian, Lane; Cornelia, Chase, and
Westchester, Ferris, hence at New York
China, Larmour, and Nelson Village, Power, hence at Quebec
India, Snow • Mattakeeset, Drew ; Eli Whitney, Dyer, and
Choctaw, Crosbie, hence at Boston
Harriet, Collins, hence at Providence
Dorothea, Watson. from China, at the Cowes, and sailed 20th
April—the Cordelia, was to sail 23rd for Liverpool
Laidmans, —, hence for Jamaica, was spoken 14th instant,
by the Euphrates, arrived in the Downs ; the two vessels were in
contact ; the former was slightly damaged in sails and rigging ; the
latter in the bow
Lancashire Lass, hence for Alexandretta, was spoken
14th instant, in lat. 39, long. 10
Gsprey, Kirk, hence for Bombay, was spoken in long. 12
Sidney, --. hence for New Orleans, was spoken 2nd instant
Dorothea, ---, hence for Berbice, was spoken 30th Aug.
in lat. 41. long. 14
Eliza, Johnstone, hence for Bahia, was spoken 14th instant, in
lat. 46, long. 44
Jane, —, hence for Naples, was spoken 29th ult. in lat. 37,
long. 8
Calista, Blampied, hence at Honduras
Diana, —, hence at St. Petersburg
VALPARAISO, July I.—The Chitian government has purchased
the American brig Isaac M•Kunn, for 11,200 dollars. The Chilian
squadron will sail for Peru about 9th instant
H.M.S. Cleopatra, from Valparaiso, at Portsmouth; sailed Ist
July, and from Rio Janeiro Ist August, with a large amount of
specie on freight.