The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1853-10-11 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

THE CONCEIT or THE WonLn.—" There isn't a mite"
(says Lavater) " but what fancies itself the cheese."
THE EDITOR of Notes and Queries thinks that the
husband of the celebrated " Mother of Pearl," must be
the venerable Bede.

A QUESTION FOR LADIES.—Are kisses more valuable
now, in consequence of the busses having raised their
prices ? _ _ _

A YOUNG PHYSICIAN asking permission of a lass to
kiss her, she replied—" No, sir ; I never like a doctor's
bill stuck in my face ?
IF You WANT TO move AN AUDIENCE, pass round
your hat soliciting contributions. They'll scatter in dou-
ble quick time. _

SEEDY Aunicats.—Hood, in an article of sinular
humour, states that the phrase '`republic of letters" was
hit upon to insinuate that, taking the whole lot of authors
together, they had not got a sovereign amongst them.
BELIEVE that mine will be the fate of Abel," said
a devoted wife to her husband one day. " How so ?"
inquired the husband. " Because Abel was killed by a
club, and your club will kill me if you continue to go to
it every night."
A LAWYER, not over young or handsome, examining a
young lady witness in court, determined to perplex her,
and said, " Miss, upon my word you are very pretty !"
The young lady very promptly replied, " I would return
the compliment if I were not on oath !"
"FAST" LITERATURE.—A sporting "gent," who has
courageously entered the " lists " at several betting
houses, has lately purchased an elaborate work on
" Ethnology," in consequence of his having heard that it
will give him much information on the subject of " races."
A FAST" Rom I sat Baum—The Bishop of Lyons
being at breakfast, the Abbe de paid him a visit ; the
bishop invited him to partake of the meal: the abbe
refused—the prelate insisted. "My lord," said the abbe,
" I have breakfasted twice already; and, besides, this is
fast day !"
GENERAL ZAREMBA had a very long Polish name.
The king having heard of it, one day asked him good-
humouredly, " Pray, Zaremba, what is your name ?"
The general repeated to him immediately the whole of his
long name. "Why," said the king, "the devil himself
never had such a name." " I should presume not, sir,"
replied the general, " as he was no relation of mine."
VALUE or A PLoUGß.—Among the Caffres, agriculture
is considered to be a kind of labour unworthy of a warrior,
and is therefore left entirely to the women. When they
first saw a plough at work, they gazed at it for a time in
astonished and delighted silence; at last one of them gave
utterance to his feelings in this exclamation—" See how
the thing tears up the ground with its mouth ! It is of
more value than five wives !"

DRY WIT.-Dr. Jaspar Main, who lived in the reign
of James I. of England, was celebrated as a scholar and
a wit. He displayed through life a strong propensity for
innocent raillery and practical jokes. Just before he
expired, he told his servant, who was sadly addicted to
intemperance, that he had bequeathed him something
that would make him drink. The servant, as soon
as his master was dead, impatiently opened the legacy,
expecting, of course, to find a heap of treasure; but
alas ! his disappointment was great in finding nothing
but a red herring.
A PARAGRAPH FOR HousEwivzs.—To those who de
sire to impart to shirt bosoms, collars, and other fabrics
that fine and beautiful gloss observable on new linens
the following receipt for making gum arabic starch will be
most acceptable, and should have a place in the domestic
scrapbook of every woman who prides herself upon her ca-
pacity as a housewife, and the neatness of her own, her
husband's and family dress ; and if she does not take pride
in them, her husband is an unfortunate man —Take two
ounces of white gum arabic powder, put it into a pitcher,
and pour on it a pint or more of boiling water, (according
to the degree of strength you desire,) and then, having
covered it, let it set all night. In the morning, pour it
carefully from the dregs into a clean bottle, cork it, and
keep it for use. A tablespoonful of gum water stirred into
a pint of starch that has been made in the usual manner
will give the lawns (either white, black, or printed,) a look
of newness, when nothing else can restore them after wash-
ing. It is also good, much diluted, for thin white muslin
and bobbinet.

THA.CKBRAY AND DICKBNS COMPARED.—Thackeray
has given to his pictures of society and character all that
they could receive from extraordinary skill of mental
analysis, great acuteness of observation, and formidable
strength and fineness of sarcastic irony. But he has not
been able—if, indeed, he ever desired—to excite con-
tinuous or lively sympathy, either by interesting inci-
dents, or by the exhibition of deep passion, vehement or
pathetic. Dickens has done much more than all which
Thackeray has left unattempted. While his painting of
character is inimitably vigorous and natural, his stories
are always interesting, and would be much more so if
they were less encumbered by minute details ; and his
power of exciting emotion ranges, with equal success,
from horror (sometimes too intense) to melting pathos,
and thence to a breadth of humour which degenerates into
caricature. He cannot soar into higher worlds of imagi-
nation • and his tread is too heavy even for the secluded
field of romantic or poetic meditation. But he becomes
strong, and inventive, and affecting, the moment his foot
touches the firm ground of reality ; and nowhere is he
more at ease, nowhere more sharply observant or more
warmly sympathetic, than in scenes whose meanness
might have disgusted, or whose moral foulness might have
appalled.—Spalding's History of English Literatnre.
DIAMONDS.—Modern chemists have laboured almost as
zealously to produce diamonds as the alchymists of old did
to turn all metals into gold ; and through the progress of
science, it is said, they believe they have a reasonable
chance of succeeding. Diamonds, it is known, consist
of pure carbon ; and it is therefore assumed that carbon
may be made to produce diamonds. M. Despretz, member
of the Academy of Sciences at Paris, in a recent meeting
of that body, detailed a series of experiments to which he
had subjected some carbon coming from the calcination of
sugar. He caused an electric pile, in which some platina
wires were extended, to act on the carbon without inter-
mission for the space of a month, and he then found the
wires covered with slight powder, which, on examination
by a microscope, was seen to contain black and white
crystals of the octahedral form. This powder, being
experimented upon, was found to possess the qualities that
have heretofore exclusively appertained to the powder of
diamonds. This is the nearest approach to the production
of real diamonds which has yet been made, and even if it
should not be found possible to carry it further, the
making of diamond dust will be of considerable com-
mercial importance. Whether the action of electricity on
the carbon is to be ascribed to heat, or to some unknown
quality, M. Despretz has not yet ascertained.—Literary
Gazette.
HINTS Pon LADIES.—Let the ladies observe the follow.
ing rules. In the morning use pure water as a preparatory
ablution ; after which they must abstain from all sudden
gusts of passion, particularly envy, as that gives the skin a
sallow paleness. It may seem trifling to speak of temper-
ance, yet this must be attended to, both in eating and
drinking, if they would avoid pimples, Instead of rouge,
let them use moderate exercise, which will raise a natural
bloom in their cheek inimitable by art. Ingenuous candour
and unaffected good humour will give an openness to their
countenance that will make them universally agreeable.
A desire of pleasure will add fire to their eyes, and breath-
ing the air of sunrise will give their lips a vermillion hue.
That amiable vivacity which they now possess may be
highly heightened and preserved, if they would avoid late
hours and card-playing, as well as novel-reading by candle
light, but not otherwise, for the first gives the face a
drowsy, disagreeable aspect ; the second is the mother of
wrinkles ; and the third is a fruitful source of weak eyes
and a sallow complexion. A white hand is a very desirable
ornament ; and a hand can' never he kept white except it
be kept clean ; nor is this all, for if a young lady excels
her companions in this respect, she must keep her hands
in constant motion, which will occasion the blood to cir-
culate freely, and have a wonderful effect. The motion
recommended is working at her needle, brushing up the
house, and making herself as useful as possible in the per-
formance of all domestic duties.—Mrs...fameson.
SLANG SvNonvms.—Only consider what a vast multi-
tude of equivalents the perverse ingenuity of our slang-
iness has invented for the one generic word money.
Money—the bare, plain, simple word itself —has a sono-
rous, significant ring in its sound, and might have sufficed,
yet we substitute for it—tin, rhino, blunt, rowdy, stumpy,
dibbs, browns, stuff, ready, mopusses, shiners, dust, chips,
thinkers, pewter, horsenails, brads. Seventeen synonyms
to one word ; and then we come to species—pieces of
money. Sovereigns are yellow-boys, cooters, quids
crown-pieces are bulls and cart-wheels ; shillings, bobs or
benders ; sixpenny-pieces are fiddlers and tizzies ; four.
penny-pieces, joeys, or bits ; pence, browns, or coppers
and mags. To say that a man is without money, or in
poverty, some persons remark that he is down on his
luck, hard up, stumped up, in Queer-street, under a
cloud, up a tree, quisby, done up, sold up, in a fix. To
express that he is rich, we say that he is warm, comfort-
able, that he has feathered his nest, that he has lots of
tin, or that he has plenty of stuff, or is worth a plum.
For the one word drunk, besides the authorised synonyms,
tipsy, inebriated, intoxicated, I find of unauthorised or
slang equivalents the astonishing number of 32, viz.—in
liquor, disguised therein, lushy, bosky, bully, hooey,
mops and brooms, half-seas-over, far-gone, tight, not able
to see a hole through a ladder, three sheets in the wind,
foggy, screwed, hazy, sewed up, mooney, muddled, muzzy,
swipey, lumpey, obfuscated, muggy, beery, winey, stewed,
on the ran-tan, on the re-raw, groggy, ploughed, cut, and
in his cups. For one article of drink, gin, we have ten
synonyms—max, juniper, gatter, duke, jackey, tape, blue
ruin, cream of the valley, white satin, old Tom.—Dickens's
Household Words.

WHERE MALACHITII IS FOUND. Siberia and
Australia are nearly the only two which can be named.
In Australia the discovery has been very recent ; but in
Siberia malachite has long been known. Until within a
few years, the largest mass obtained weighed about 100
poods (a pood equals 36 English pounds); it was obtained
from the copper mine of M. Tourchaninoff, at Goumecheff
(oh ! these Russian names), and is deposited in one of the
national museums. But this has been beaten into in-
significance by a recent discovery, to which are due the
magnificent specimens of malachite brought to England.
The Messrs. Demidoff, of St. Petersburg, are the owners
of some copper mines in the Ural Mountains ; and while
the miners were in search of the metallic ore, they on one
fortunate day lighted upon a mass of malachite weighing
not less than 3,000 poods. The miners were able to
detach this in one block, and they then met with another
thousand poods weight filling up clefts and crevices in the
surrounding rock. What a treasure this : considering
that a fair specimen of malachite will bring 15s. per
English pound ! There is supposed to be a still larger
deposit of malachite near the spot whence this mass was
obtained : precious nuggets (albeit green) which may by and
by put money into the pockets of the proprietors. But,
like other treasures, malachite requires the hand of man
before it is -practically valuable. The large masses crumble
in the air, generally into pieces of two to four pounds
weight ; and the question arises how to work so very
brittle a material. It is not altogether a new art, for
museums and royal palaces, in many parts of Europe,
contain specimens of inlaying or veneering with malachite.
But when Messrs. Demidoff made their grand discovery,
an incentive was given towards the adoption of larger
mechanical appliances. They determined to establish a
manufaetory of their own at St. Petersburgh, which they
placed under the care of M. Leopold Joffriand, who left
no means untried to obtain a mastery over the materials,
and make it applicable to ornamental purposes. How he
succeeded in his task the malachite doom at the Crystal
Palace testified.