The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1853-03-01 00:00:00

LOVE AND TIME.

Old Time one day, while on his way,
In Journeying through the world for ever,
Was stopped beside a barrier wide—
A deep and swiftly-rolling river.
And while lie stood beside the flood,
He cried, Alas! will none come nigh me?
Upon this spot I'm quite forgot,
While precious moments lost fly by me.
Dear young friends ! will none, alas !
Give a hand to make Time pass?"

Thus while he cried across the tide.
Some fair girls longed, his accents hearing,
To aid him o'er the stream to shore
In a light skiff that Love was steering.
But one young maid now shook her head,
The sagest she of the collection ;
And while het hand restrained the band,
Her wise lips uttered this reflection—,
"Full often have young maids, alas !
Been wrecked in helping Time to pass."

Love seized the oar, and for the shore,
Across the stream, he's gailly straining,
And soon his boat is seen to float
Close to where stands Old Time complaining,
And bravely now Love turns the prow
To pass Old Time across the river;
He spreads his sail to catch the gale.
And to his arms the thin oars quiver.
And as he cleaves the sunny waves,
His light skiff o'er the waters dancing,
With joyous song he speeds along,
And thus he chants, while still advancing—
" Mark you well, each lad and lass,
Love alone can make Time pass."

But young Love's strength gives way at length,
To shrink from toil is aye his failing;
Time takes his place, and pulls apace,
And cries, " Poor child, you're tired and ailing.
Lie down and sleep, the oars I'll sweep,
And in my turn I'll sing a measure,
Both true and sage—the song of age..—
Though youth ne'er hears such strains with pleasure•
"Be wise and learn, each lad and lass,
Time will surely make Love pass!"

ARIE TIES

THE MYSTERY SOLVED.—When Adam sot tired of
naming his numerous descendants, he said, " Let all the
rest be called Smith.' "

A FARMER who recently had his butter seized by the
clerk of the market for short weight, gave as a reason,
that the cow from which the butter was made was subject
to the cramp, and that caused the butter to shrink in
weight.

A PHILADELPHIA JUDGE and punster having observed
to another judge on the bench, that one of the witnesses
had a vegetable head. " How so ?" was the enquiry.
" He has carroty hair, reddish cheeks, a turnip nose,
and a sage look."

CRAVATS.—Cravats were first worn by the Croats in
the sixteenth century as a part of their military dress.
Public speakers and clergymen hang themselves by wear-
ing cravats and stocks, high and tight, thereby impeding
the return of blood from the head ; this can be explained
on physiological principles. The brain, in speaking, is
excited to increased action, a larger quantity of blood is
sent to the substance, and unless it can find a ready re-
turn, it produces congestion and apoplexy. Students are
not altogether frte from the effects of ligation of the neck.
It is surprising how little pressure is necessary to prevent
the ready flow of blood from the head. Those who bend
their heads forward, as in writing or studying, are apt to
feel a dizziness and heaviness in the head, which loosening
their cravats or collars altogether relieve, and the mind
returns to its original clearness. In clergymen who are
particularly prone to bundle their necks with large cravats
bronchitis is induced, and the vocal chords become re-
laxed as the consequence. Men who speak extempo-
raneously can speak longer and with greater ease than
those who read, as their voice is not confined so much to
one key, and can be modulated with greater freedom.

SCENE IN AN AMERICAN COURT OF JUSTICE.—Mr.
B.—, a distinguished advocate and attorney-general of a
far " down-east" state, was sitting with his bat over his
eyes, and his chin on his breast, bolstered up on either
side with chairs and table, and sleeping as comfortable as
the " indomitable spirit of gin" would allow, in the
Court-house at A—, when " the Court" entered and took
his seat on the bench. Observing the situation of Mr.
B—, which had not changed on the entrance of " the
Court," the Judge looked at the Sheriff, who seemed to
understand that it was his duty to get the sleeper into
"condition." " Mr. B—, the Court is in." We won't
give the reply. Suffice to say, the sheriff had a decided
objection to going to the murky and sulphurous place to
which he was consigned. Mr. B—, said the Judge, "we
have observed, with profound regret, your conduct during
the last week ; and this morning we find you in no better
condition to take up your cases than before. We are dis-
posed to bear with you no longer. You disgrace yourself
and your family, " ttle Court," and the profession, by
your course of conduct." This reproof elicited the fol-
lowing colloquy :—" Did your-r-honour speak to me?" " I
did, sir." "What re-mark di-hid you make ?" "I said,
sir, that in my opinion, you disgrace yourself and family,
the Court, and the profession, by your course of conduct."
" May i-i-it please your honour, I have been an attorney
in-in-in this c-court for fifteen years ; and permit me to
say, your honour, that that is the first correct opinion I
ever knew you to give."

CURIOUS MISCELLANEOUS INFORMATION. -- The
French speak in the nose, the Germans in the throat, and
the English through the teeth. Books and paper were
formerly sold only at stalls, and the dealers therefore
came to be called stationers. A poker laid over a fire
concentrates the heat of the passing smoke, and creates a
draught through the fire. Water is called hard when from
containing too much carbonic acid it holds lime in solu-
tion. A pound of wheaten flour consists of bran 3 oz.,
starch 10 CZ., gluten three quarters of an oz., and sneer
one quarter. The spring of a watch weighs 0.15 of a
grain, and a pound of steel makes 50,000. The pound of
steel costs 3.1., and a single spring 2d., so that the 50,000
produce £416. Turnpikes were so called from poles or
bars swung on a staple, and turned either ways when the
dues were paid. A turnpike road by law is sixty feet wide,
and parish roads about thirty feet. Children lose weight
daring the first three days after birth ; at the age of a
week they sensibly increase ; after one year they triple
their weight, then they require six years to double their
weight, and thirteen to quadruple it.

THE WAISTS OF AMERICAN LADIES.—The unna-
tural length and ridiculous smallness of their waists baf-
-11:!s description. A waist that could be spanned is an
English metaphorical expression used in a novel, but it is
an American fact ; and so alarming does it appear to an
Englishman, that my first sentiment, on viewing the phe-
nomenon, was one of pity for unfortunate beings who
might possibly break off in the middle, like flowers from
the stalk, before the evening concluded. No less extra-
ordinary is the size of the ladies' arms. I saw many
which were scarce thicker than moderate-sized walking-
sticks. Yet, strange to say, when these ladies pass the
age of forty, they frequently attain an enormous size.
The whole economy of their structure is then reversed,
their wrists and arms becoming the thickest parts of the
body. Here is a subject worthy the contemplation of the
ethnologist. How comes it to pass that the English type
—which I presume has not, in every case, been so affected
by the admixture of others as to lose its own identity—
how comes it to pass, I say, that the English type is so
strangely altered in a few generations ? I have heard
various hypotheses : amongst others, the habits of the
people—the dry climate. The effect of the latter on a
European constitution would have appeared to me suffi-
cient to account for the singular confirmation, if I had not
been persuaded by natives of the country that the small
waist is mainly owing to tight-lacing. This practice, it is
said, is persevered in to an alarming extent ; and if report
be true, it is to be feared that the effects will be felt by
future generations to a greater degree than they are at
present.—Dublin University Maaazine.