The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1841-08-20 00:00:00

WRITING, BOOKKEEPING, tkc

MR. THOMPSON, PRIVATE TEA HER, enables
ADULTS to acquire a good, r and expeditious
style of WRITING, in a few Lesso one hour each, at
his ESTABLISHMENT, No. 8, yton-square, Liver-
pool.
BOOKKEEPING by Double Entry, SHORTHAND, ARITH-
METIC, and MENTAL CALCULATION taught as usual.

For Cards of Terms, &c., apply as above, where a CIR-
CULATING LIBRARY is kept, containing the latest
Popular Works.

RHODES' NEWLY-INVENTED
COPYING MACHINE.

Quarto
Large Quarto
Folio

£2 10 0
2 15 0
4 10 0

Sold only by BENJ. Sl7lr-'""
PRINTER AND STA` ONER,
74, SOUTH CASTLE-STX T.
A liberal Discount to Eiporters.
THE SELF-ACTING LETTER CLIP OR FILE.
MANIFOLD WRITERS at a considerable reduction ir,
price.
MILNER'S FIRE-PROOF BOXES.

To MERCH ANTS. BANKERS, & M AN UFACTU HERS.
VOORSANGER'S newly-invented METALLIC EM-
BOSSED PENS possess the flexibility of the Quill.
with the preservation of elasticity to a much greater degree
than any hitherto offered to the Public. They are so re-
markable for producing beauty and cleamiss in writing, as to
render them distinguished in numerobuyipublic offices, which
is the greatest testimony of their extlence.

tC:74"' Beware of counterfeits
" Voorsanger, warranted."
The Public is hereby cautioned not to purchase Pens of
Hawkers for Voorsanger's, as no Hawker is supplied with
the above.

Eath genuine Pen is marked

May be bad of LACE and ADDISON, Standard-office, and
all other Stationers and dealers in such articles.

CRICKET MATCH EXTRAORDINARY BETWEEN THE
GREENWICH AND CHELSEA PENSIONERS.—This novel
match between the one-arm and one-leg pensioners came off
on Monday and Tuesday, at Hall's cricket ground, Camber-
well, and excited much interest and mirth from the various
falls which occurred during the play. The charge of admit-
tance to the ground was 6d., and on Monday there were full
2000 present. It was obvious from the first that the Chelsea
veterans, being touch older, and at the same time mostly
men who had lost a leg, would have no chance against the
Greenwich tars. The result of the match thoroughly justi-
fied this conclusion, the Chelsea pensioners scoring only 19
runs, while the Greenwich tars got 176. The best of feeling
and good fellowship pervaded both parties throughout, and
it was not the least interesting part to witness the old boys
dine together, reminding us in its truest sense of a " United
Service Club." They had a good luncheon of bread, cheese,
and porter before they commenced play, and for dinner,
quarters of lamb, and roast and boiled beef in profusion.
On their departure they each had a noggin to drink the
Queen's health, and lOs in cash for their two days' exertions,
besides their free passage to and fro. It is 16 years since a
similar match took place between the two institutions, which
was played in Montpelier-gardens, Blackheath, when the
Greenwich heroes come off victorious.
A POSSIBILITY.--" Zr ever I die," said an old maid the
other day, " I believe I shall be carried off with an affection
of the heart."

On the shutters of a house in Duke-street, Lincoln's Inn-
fields, is a paper fixed, on which is written "Empty. No-
body hear."

ENPEDITIOUS.—Letters are now brought to New York
from Calcutta in eight weeks—a distance nearly half round
the globe. With the same speed, a man would travel round
the earth in sixteen weeks. This is a striking evidence of the
march of improvement in the present age.
Certain great works should be read frequently, and at diffe-
rent periods of life, to be thoroughly felt and understood.
A policeman, in tendering evidence in one of the London
police-offices on Saturday, said that the prisoner was using
" obscene language." On being pressed for his definition of
obscenity of expression, he replied that the defendant was
" damning the police."
I COURTING SCENE.—" Jonathan, did you read that are

:ory about the man as was hugged to death by the bear?"
Guess I did, Sewke, and it did make me feel so bad."

" Why, how did you feel, Jonathan ?" " Kind'er sort'er
as if I'd like to hug you eenamost to death. tew, you tarnal,
nice, plump, elegant little critter, you, Sewke." "0. la!
Go away, you—Jonathan."—American paper.
A GOLD MINE AND BETTER.—It is said that there is a
coal formation near Lowell. If so, what a prize !—New
York Herald.

The editor of the New York Baptist Register says he
stened to a discourse a few Sabbaths since from Father

Harvey, now in the 107th year of his age.
Whoever is found in bed after seven o'clock, from May
till Michaelmas, cannot in any conscience expect to be free
from some ailment or other, dependent on relaxed nerves,
stuffed lungs, disordered bile, or impaired digestion.
It is a curious fact, that in the times of the commonwealth
the Jews presented a petition to Cromwell, praying him to
grant them St. Paul's Cathedral for a synagogue.
The editor of the American Traveller thinks the best snuff
in the world is a snuff of the morning air.
" Be content with what you have," as the rat said to the
trap, when he left his tail in it.
TAKE CARE.—When travelling, never tell how much
money you have in your pockets ; if you do, it won't be there
long.

The following matrimonial advertisement appeared in a
Concord (N. H.) paper:—" Whereas I, Daniel Clay, through
misrepresentation, was induced to put my wife, Rhoda, in
the papers ; now beg leave to inform the public that I have
again taken her to wife, after settling all our domestic broils
in an amicable manner ; so that every thing as usual goes o►►
like clock work."
Men of elevated mind fall down before merit ; ordinary
men fall down before success. With the latter, success
justifies every thing ; with the former, success itself reywires
to be justified.

The power of the journalist, says the New Monthly Maga-
zine, is immense : experience enables us to assert confidently,
that twenty thousand addresses, printed separately, and
circulated with the most energetic diligence, would not pro-
duce the effect of one advertisement.

" Circumstances alter cases," as the cat said when she
jumped on the printer's case.—" I shall not die unheard,"
as the pig said when the butcher stuck him.

A new bass singer has lately appeared at New Orleans,
who sings so remarkably deep that it takes nine Kentucky
lawyers to understand a single bar.
Sir Walter Scott was under the necessity of fitting out his
eldest son as a cavalry officer. When the bill was brought
to him, he observed to the expectant schneider, " It takes
nine tailors to make a man, but only one to ruin him."
In this world of hatred and contention, the love even of a
dog is worth living for.
We blame an Armenian for his want of submission to
Divine sovereignty ; yet, let a shower fall on a new suit of
clothes, and we cannot submit ourselves.
The learned and caustic Bishop Warburton said, " it is
wrong to define man to be a reasoning animal ; all that we.
can predicate of him is, that he is an animal capable of
reasoning. We every day meet with facts confirming the
truth of this humiliating remark.—Boston lifer. Journal.
We saw a funny incident at the Market House meeting on
Saturday night. " The eyes have it," bawled a drunken
Locofoco, when a vote was taken. "The nose has it," re-
torted a big Whig, taking the unfortunate Loco by the fea-
ture indicated.—Louisville Journal.

RETORT COURTEMIS.—A Russian lady being engaged to
dinner with M. de Talleyrand, at that time Minister for
Foreign Affairs, was detained a full hour by some unexpected
accident. The famished guests grumbled, and looked at
their watches. On the lady's entrance, one of the company
observed to his neighbour in Greek, " When a woman is
neither young *or handsome, she ought to arrive betimes."
The lady, turning round sharply, accosted the satirist in the
same language, " When a woman," says she,• " has the mis-
fortune to dine with savages, she always arrives too soon."
A GERMAN DINNER—TABLE D'HÔTE.—First carne the
soup, very like barley broth, supposing rice instead of bar-
' ley, and then the beef which had been boiled in it, of course,
very insipid. It reminded me of the patent Pimlico bread 1
once tasted, when as poor George said, they had extracted all
the spirit and left nothing behind but the corpse of a loaf.
I was obliged to leave it on my plate, where, as it got cold,
it turned almost as white as a piece of wood. But you would
have admired the dexterity of the waiters. One of them
brought a large pile of clean plates, holding one between
each finger, and dealt them out as if they had been cards.
The worst is, the plates and dishes are all stone-cold ; and,
as instead of a bill of fare, every course is put on the table
to show what you are to expect, and is then taken off again
to be carved, the hottest of their dinners is only like a hasty
attempt in warm weather at a collation. But what most sur-
prised me was the order of the eatables, so different to any
established by Mrs. Glasse or Mrs. Rundell. After the
soup, &c., came in a monstrous dish of asparagus, with
a sauce made of oiled butter and hard•boiled-eggs. Next
appeared a capon and salad, then a very sweet pudding.
and then some very sour krout. The next dish that went
its round, like a novel in a circulating library, was °I
very small, very waxy kidney potatoes, (Frank called
them " Murphy's thumbs,") and then followed some
unknown vegetable, with a very unpleasant smell, inafibrio,w.rns
sauce, looking, according to Frank, like " sailors' lingers
stewed in tar." Next we had salmon and perch, i jelly,
and cold ; and last, and certainly not least
d
piece of roast veal. My brother, who partook
before the horse.
every-
thing, was amused at this putting, the cart.e
eaten the wrong
" Egad! Kate," he whispered, a great
o jsoli
end of my dinner Arst ; and I suppose
I must stand on mk head." Indeed,
pickled
walnut was so
share of novelties ; for it seeniedaa
lh_ia‘ctomnd
eigieisitroitriyype
ownrly
sweet,m3,p 1 a
tt
eh.a t the
was m mere
vsoukrepdtrioseennoomut
igedhe, :a 7(:ts:liprteLictii,ttll Ihi ykats at sitly to
the
Londoner thought proper LO, they arn't even up to pickled
was worse ; for after litlping
Germans, ma am,
jsaat_,:dfolihrev,'
followed was
plums, but proved to
d one out again without any ceremony,
hwiamlnsueltfs
t!o"whßauttiolc
enough for the whole room to hear him,
be sour,
calling out loud
byngo
1,,
As you InaV t•Ilp1)0,V, I made
"Pickled bullise..
upp my
mind to dine no more at a table d'hOte.— Howl imp
be spiutter
the Rh,ne.