The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1836-10-18 00:00:00

THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD.

MISCELLANEOUS.

A PROFESSED COOK —She' so&n convinced her mistress of
her capabilities, by asking one day- almut half an hour before
dinner time—" Missus, the carrots be dune, shall I put in the
beef?"

OLDHAM FAIR..-At the fair on Wednesday, there was an
excellent show of horses, but not over much business done; bar-
ren cows were low and had to sell. There was a good number
of pigs disposed off.—Bolton Chronicle.
We are informed that Sir Robert Rolfe, solicitor-general to
the king and one of the members for this borough, is to be ele-
vated to the bench, in the room of Mr. Justice Matteson, who
retires.—Cornubian ( Falmouth ) paper.

FIRES IN THE METEOI'OLIS.—The number of fires which
have broken out in London within the last twelve months is 611,
and about one million worth of property consumed, nearly one-
half of which was insured.

Mr. Thomas Campbell, the poet, has returned to London
from Brougham Hall, where he had been on a visit to Lord
Brougham, whom he left in excellent health and spirits. His
lordship takes much exercise, and is greatly improved in hit,
general appearance.

NEW PLANET.—Further observations laid before the French
Academy of Sciences, seem to confirm the suspicion for some
time entertained, that there is another planet similar to Ceres,
Pallas, Juno, and Vesta, but the orbit of which is not yet even
conjectured.

The government commission, for the purpose of surveying
and determining the best lines of railways hereinafter to be made
in Ireland, is expected to be constituted in a few days. Mr.
Drummond and Col. Burgoyne will be at the head of that board.
—Dublin Evening Post.

Her Royal Highness the Princess Sophia is to undergo in the
course of a few days an operation for removing a cataract from
one of her eyes, as it has assumed the consistency when it is fit
to be removed. The vision of the other eye of the princess has
been for a considerable time very defective.

There was pulled on Monday last, in a field near to Jedburgh,
belonging to Mr. Rutherford, banker there, and farmed by Mr.
Cranston, a turnip of the white Norfolk kind, of an unusual
size. It measured 30 inches in circumference. and weighed,
with the shaves, 181 b. The turnip was remarkably sound and
well shaped.—Dumfries Courier.
t.sol' 0 e A MONTH.—The number of suicides committed
in Paris, in the course of September, has been 66; 44 had been
committed in private houses, and the bodies of the remaining
22 victims to this deplorable mania had been found, and deposi-
ted at the Morgue.
TOR FONT.—An old gentleman of eighty-four, having taken
to the altar a young damsel of about sixteen, the clergyman said
to him, "The font is at the other end of the church, " What
do I want with the font ?" said the old gentlemen. " Oh ! I beg
your pardon," said the clerical wit, " I thought you had brought
the child to be christened."

HORSES AND ACTORS.—It is reported of Mr. Ducrow, that
once, while superintending the rehearsal of a grand equestrian
spectacle, he addressed a biped performer, who was a little too
forward in the scene, in these Words:—" Get out of the way, sir;
stand hack; would you have-the assurance to stand before u
horse ?"

A THIEF WITH A CoNsctENcE.—On Sunday se'nnight, a
thief forcibly entered the premises of a spirit-dealer in the
west-end of the town, and with a conscientiousness, not very
peculiar to his class, helped himself to £5O only from a parcel
of-£loo!—The remaining £5O were found carefully deposited
in the spot from which they had been taken in the desk, which
had also been broken up.—Glasgow Argus.
THAMES AL LIGAToa.--A boatman, while steering his barge
past Galley-quay, on Tuesday, observed a black motionless ob-
ject in the water, which upon his attempting to draw it out,
moved, and his hand was immediately severely lacerated; he
however, succeeded in getting it into the barge, when, to his
great astonishment, it proved to be a young alligator. It was
purchased for and removed to the Surrey Zoological Gardens.
FRENCH OAK.—It may seem somewhat strange that the fu-
ture wooden walls of old England should be indebted to France
for their existence, but such is likely to be the fact. Some
French merchants have sold to our government a quantity of
oak timber; and the first supply of 300 loads, was received at
Portsmouth Dock-yard during the past week. It is acknow-
ledged to be wood of superior quality. In cutting it, some eon-
siderable-sized pieces of marble or quartz, were found in the
heart of the wood, which must have been drawn up with the
growth of the tree.

SALIVATION OF A SHIP'S CREW BY ACCIDENT.—One of the
medical commissioners of the Royal Navy (Dr. Burnett) has
given an account of the whole crew of a King's ship, amount-
ing to 200 persons, who were affected with salivation to a high
degree by the bursting of some vessels containing quicksilver.
Many lost their teeth, and two died. All the live stock, con-
sisting of pigs, gnats, sheep, poultry, cats, dogs, rats, and birds,
were also put under its effects; even the decks of the ship were
covered with a black powder. Several tons of quicksilver were
scattered about the ship, which, from rolling about, became oxy-
dized, and it is supposed affected the atmosphere.—The Doctor.
The burning cliff at Holworth excites great interest, having
recently presented a inore than usually vivid appearance. Se-
veral parties who have within this last fortnight visited this
semi-volcano, have expressed an equal degree of astonishment
and gratification at the continued exhalations and occasional
display of ignited substances near its surface. A line of sul-
phurous vapour now issues out westward of that portion of the
cliff which of late attracted public attention. This line of va-
pour, irregularly stretching from east to west, is now forty feet
in length, and about the same in height, from the base of the
cliff. The late high tides have committed sad havoc at the base
of the cliff, and drawn down an immense quantity of calcined
and vitrified substances well deserving the notice of the geolo-
gist and mineralogist.-IVestern Luminary.
VIRGINIA Vv' IT.—Jonathan Long, a gawky six footer—com-
monly called " Long John"—when on his way to market, al-
ways stopped for his breakfast at the tavern of old Major F.
The Major observed that John was a tremendous eater, and
, had looked crab-apples at him until he was tired, in the hope of
inducing him to get his breakfast elsewhere. But it availed
not. Long John was again on hand. " Major," said he,
" can't 1 have some sassengers for breakfast ?" " Yes," re-
plied the .Major gruffly, " you can have them if we've got
enough in the house." He then bawled to the house-maid, and
on her appearing, " There, Betty," says he, '' go take the
measure of that man, and fry his length in sausages!"—Nor-
folk (U. S.) Advertiser.
CHESTER MICHAELMAS FAIR.-011 Saturday last the Octo-
ber Cheese Fair was held at Chester. The quantity for sale in
both the halls was not so great as usual at this period, and it
went off rather briskly, at from 60. to 70., but the general prices
were 655. 665. per cwt. On Monday the Michaelmas fair com-
menced, and the attendance, notwithstand the very unfavour-
able state of the weather, was great. The horse market was
thronged, but there were few, if any, good ones for sale • of
the middling and inferior kinds there was a great number.
Few changed hands, and upon the whole the fair was flat.
There was an abundant show of lean cattle, for which there
were no buyers. The fat beasts met a ready sale. Of sheep
there was a fair supply, and they went off at rather higher prices.
Pigs were abundant, with but few purchasers, at lower prices.
The attendance of hop merchants, as is always the ease at this
fair, was numerous, and considerable business was done by sam-
ple; the prices were as follow :—New Worcester, 115 s. to 1355.;
New Sussex, 1 lOs. to 120. ; New Kent. 120 s. to 140 e.; New East
Kent, 180 s.; Yearling Kents, 85s. to 100 s.; Ditto Sussex, 86s.
to 100 s.; Ditto Worcestor, 100 s. to 112 s. •

A Cutts FOR THE GOUT.—" Well done, father," said Sam,
"take care, old fellow, or you'll have a touch of your old com-
plaint, the gout."—" I've found a sovrin cure for that, Sammy,"
replied Mr. Weller, setting down the glass.—" A sovereign cure
for the gout," said Mr. Pickwick, hastily producing his note-
book, " what is it ?"—" The gout, Sir," replied Mr. Weller,
"'the gout is a complaint as arises from too much ease and coin-
fort. If ever you're attacked with the gout, Sir, jist you marry
a vridder as has got a good loud woke, with a decent notion of
usin' it, and you'll never have the gout agin. It's a capital
prescription, Sir. I takes it reg'lar, and I can warrant it to
drive away any illness as is caused by too much jollity." Having
imparted this valuable secret, Mr. Weller,.drained his glass
once more, produced a laboured wink, sighed deeply. and slowly
retired.—" Well, what do you think of what your father says,
Sam ?" inquired Mr. Pickwick, with a smile.—" Think, Sir!"
replied Mr. Weller; " why, I think he's the wictim o' connu-
biality, as Blue Beard's domestic chaplain said, with a tear of
pity, yen he buried him."—Pickwick Papers.

LITTLE BOLTON COURT LEET.—Yesterdav at the Court
Legit of Thomas Tipping, Esq., Lord of the Manor of Little
Bolton, held at the Town Hall, in Little Bolton, the following
officers were elected for the ensuing year ---James Manguall.
Esq.. horoughreeve, Hobert Knowles and William Haslam
(Park Hill Place,) Esqrs., constables. Mr. John Haworth,
was re-appointed deputy constable. At four o'clock a number
of gentlemen, with the boroughreeve andtonstables elect, and
the retiring officers, partook of a most superb' dinner, which
was served up with excellent taste by Mrs. Holt.- On the-cloth
being drawn, James Mangnall, Esq., took the chair. The • fol-
lowing toasts, were drank with the usual honours:—The King.
The Queen. The Lord of the Manor. The Boroughreeve
and Constables. The Constables retiring. The Magistrates
for the Division. The Town and Trade of Bolton. The :Ste-
ward to the Lord of the Manor. The Vicar and clergy,. of
Bolton. The Lancashire Witches. After which the meeting
continued with great conviviality until nine It 0'c.0c.., when the
Chairman retired followed by the rest of the company.—Bolton
Chronicle.

Di AsioNn CUT Dt A SION D.—The following reminiscence re-
lating to the late Mr. Wood, the banker, has not generally. ap-
peared among the several anecdotes published since his death.
As may be supposed, from his habits and character, a dinner
guest was an unusual phenomenon at his table. On one open-
siim, however, he found it necessary to tolerate the rarity, and
provide a fowl fur the banquet, the dressing of which be was
rash enough to entrust to a rustic flunkey in his service. He
also placed in readiness a bottle of good wine, for the protection
of which he deemed it prudent to affix to its neck a label, with
word
the awful T, •
"Poison" imprinted thereon. He then went
chtel
pi Ix
youth,ircd what
~‘ivtai:islec,t(is
lel i:ii.:el4
..?"‘.:.
ii;.e.
about his customary avocations. On his return to dinner, his
attention was attracted by the wild and disorderly appearance
of his factotum,
mon",ei.ii:lr tine:,s\t
"`What
hhjet
stuttered lls
.r rolling," li ntgli, ,e" aidh.
icu.
a ( 0 you mean you
rascal ?" " Why, measter, as I was basting the fowl, it did smell
so nice, and I was so hungry, that I couldn't help tucking into
it, and when I'd done, I kouw'd as how you'd turn me away
poisoned myself !" Tb e dissected
for it, and so—and so—f,,„
fowl and empty wine bottle "corroborated the evidence."
named Maguire, in the report-books was
ensgdim:y'a,na't Henry-str”et pelice-office, by Kelly and
A DRUNKARD'S OPINION of TILE NEW SHIM' ACT.—A I-C-
-(1E111,k -and disorderly the night
11 :Ike riafaoerrrttge'ale.b'd: uoinl,hm'elk' Tuesday,
watchmen, watchmentor Icing
stated that they-met the prisoner in a
crowd of 1W persons. He was drunk and they thought fit to
convey him to the watch-house, hut he resisted, assaulted them,
and kicked them in the face. The transaction took place be-
tween eleven and twelve o'clock at night. Mr. Blacker (to
Welt what have you to say.for yourself? 111aguire :
'
of what has occurred; I lost my specs, and with
rtli:k:sinnoonvileorsi)ltoltuthlirngintellectual vision. My inward and external
-.
sight had gone ;.I ant not palliating my offence—the law is
salutary, ‘
blessingse'an djust;ever and if carried into operation, will be
the greatest conferred upon this intemperate
land.—(Laughter,) I thank the police for the safety which they
gave me it, the watchhouse. Mr. Blacker:. One would imagine
the act of
that a person who estimates . parliament so much as
you say you do, would keep. yourself more temperate. Maguire;
I regret my frailty, but respect the law. lam this very instant
druuk.—( Laughter.) Mr. Blacker: I cannot avoid filling you
ss. Maguire (shaking' his head and looking very repentant):
I wish you could fine me £5. Mr. Blacker: Wiil. you pay ss?
Maguire: Most willingly. Mr. Blacker. Well, I will only
fine you 3s. as you
are only an invalid. Maguire: Oh, do not
reduce the fine; I would not submit to it; I have too great a
respect the fur ad
• •• of parliament. Really., my opinion is, that
the act is the most excellent that ever, was. framed.—(Much
laughter.) Mr. Blacker: Oh, if you insist upon the fining
you, I will accede to your request with pleasure.. Maguire,: 1
will pay you decidedly, but allow me time. I would really wish
to make an example of myself. This extraordinary individual
then left the office, muttering his commendations of the act of
parlirimeht, and glorying in the opportunity to afford to drunk•
ards a salutary example of the evils of intemperance.—Dublin
Paper.