The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-12-29 00:00:00

the bird first:

goes about that ; he cuts down the trees to build it with an
ale of English iron, saws it with an English saw, planes it
with an English plane, puts it together with English nails,
driven by an English h' —.juts it with Eng-

Inver, and then I
lish paint and an English brush. The
glass, kept in by English putty ; the doors are hung upo
English hinges, and secured by English locks (against Bri

sashes has English

fist; thieves though, for they forgot to reform them afore they
shipped them out) ; the floor is covered with imported car-
pets, the windows with imported curtains, and the fire made
in imported stoves, and fixed with imported tongs and sho-
vels. When he gives a housewarmin to his friends, for he
is rather amorous of a frolick, the plates, knives and forks,
decanters and glasses, and every thing else in English ; and
when the boys and gals go for to dance, hear the music,
that's all ! Pretty music it is too, afore tunes came in
fashion, I guess; but hear it—English fifes, English flutes,
English drums, English pianoes, and English fiddles (not to
mention Scotch ones, of which mnm is the word.)

" He don't like to be separated from English manufactures
even in death • for he is so used and attached to the old
country, that be calls his own native land Nova Scotia, and
England he calls—what do you think, now !—why he calls it

home ;' he does, upon my soul ! No, sir, the grave don'
part 'em nor death shut his paw pother ; for as soon os he i;

stiff he's dressed in an English shrowd, and screwed down with
English screws into his coffin; that is, covered with English
cloth, and has a plate on it of English ware, for the worms
to read his name and age on, if they have learned to spell.
The minister claps on an English gownd, reads the English
service out of an English book, and the grave is filled up
again with airth shovelled in with an English shovel, while
every man, woman, and child that bears his name, pulls out
an English handkerchief to wipe their eyes and blow their
noses with; and buy as much English cloth, crape, and what
not, as would freight a vessel almost ; for, havin' larned the
multiplication table early in life, the number of his descend-
ants would make you stare, I know. His children run the
same rig round the same course, till they end by being packed
up in a snug pill-box in the same grave-yard. And yet John
Bull says colonies are not good.
" Now, how is colonist able to pay for all this almighty
swad of manufactured plunder, seein' that he has no gold
nor silver? Why, mainly by his timber; and yet them on-
fakilised, onderbaked goneys, the British, actilly want to tax
it and reform out the trade, so as to give a preference to
Baltic timber. 'We don't want colony timber, says they,
Don't you though ?' says Bluenose ; then I hope we may
be teetotally extinctified if we want your manufactures.'
What's the name of your great gun to Canada ?' Do you
mean Sir John Colborne?' said Snob. No, replied Mr.

Slick ; I don't mean the " man-o'-war," I mean the " mar-
chant man."' Oh! I have it—Pullet Thomson. Well,
Pullet will larn sornethin' to Canada about timber he never
knew afore, or it ain't no matter. When you see him, stump
him ;" Friend Pullet,' says you, when a log is hewed and
squared, can you tell the south side of it ?' And if he don't
answer it right off the reel (and I'll go my death on it he
can't) tell him to send out the board of trade, aye, and the
board of works too, to Sam Slick, the clockmaker, to go to
school for a spell, for be is jist the boy can teach 'em some-
thing that ain't sot down in the reform bill, knowin' coons
as they be. Yes, Sir, if ever you was to Antwarp, you'd see
what it is to lose colonies. When that place belonged to
Holland, and had colonial trade, five thousand merchants
used to meet on 'change : now, the exchange is left, but the
'merchantis gone. * * * Bonaparte said he wanted ships,
colonies, and commerce. * * * Bonaparte did'nt know
what he was atalkin about, for colonies mean all three."

DID YOU EVER

(FROM Ti

COMIC ALMANAC.)

Did you ever know a tradesman asking for his account
aad not " bill to take up on Friday ?"
Did you ever know a cabman, or a t

)rter, with any

changeabout him

Did you ever know an omi
to let you down within a fey
bills of mortality ?

who would nc

e within

LIU you ever know a turnpike-man who could be roused
in less than a quarter of an hour when it wanted that much
of midnight?
Did you ever see a pair of family snuffers which had not a
broken spring, a leg deficient, Jr half an inch of the point
knocked off?
Did you ev
own to bugs

er know a lodging-hoL

Eio would I CO

for the morning coach
Did you ever know a dancing-master's daughter
not to excel Taglioni ?
Did you ever know a man who did not think he could poke
the fire better than you could ?
Did you ever know a Frenchman admire Waterloo Bridge?
Did you ever know a housemaid who, on your discovering
a fracture in a valuable china jar, did not tell you it was
" a long time ago," or that it was " cracked before ?"
Did you ever know a Wan who didn't consider his walking-
stick a better walking-stick than your walking-stick ?
Did you ever know a pertny-a-liner who was not on intimate
terms with Lytton Bnlwer, Capt. Marryat, Sheridan Knowles,
Tom Hood, Washington Irving, and Rigdum Funnidos ?
Did von ever know a hatter who was m

ho was

aced to sell

red-haired man who had a very clear
otion of where scarlet began and auburn terminated ?
Did you ever know a beef-eater to go to the play in his
niform ?

Did you ever know"'

Did you ever know a subscriber to the Anti-Cruelty-to-
Animals Society who didn't kick the cat ?
Did you ever know a lady with fine eyes wear green spec-
tacles ?
Did you ever know an amateur singer without a " horrid
bad cold ?"
Did you ever see a cool fat woman in black in the dog-
days ?
Did you ever go to see Jack Sheppard without feeling a
propensity to run home and rob your mother?
Did you ever know an author who had not been particularly
ill-used by the booksellers ?
Did you ever know fifty killed and wounded by a railroad
accident, without the fifty who were killed being congratulated
by the directors that they were only wounded ?

THE DUKE Op WELLINGTON ON EDUCATION.—The a time upon the crest of the highest range : while her broad
following anecdote of the Duke of Wellington was last week
who had it from a high line of light, after touching the topmost branches of the
related by the Bishop of Exeter,forest trees at their base, streamed down upon the bosom of
quarter, at the usual meeting of the Exeter Diocesan Board the flood, and turned its tide to silver. And all was so still
of Education :—" About 30 years since, on the noble Duke's upon that vine-covered hill ! The wind played languidly
return from India, he found the whole country rnnning mad among the heavy grape leaves, awakening a low rustling,
on the question of education, the plan of Lancaster having which served but to make the silence more deeply felt; while
just been promulgated here. Dining one day, soon after his swift rushingof the mighty river at our feet was a fitting ac-
arrival in England, at the table of a noble friend, education companiment to the scene on which we looked. I know not
and the plan of Lancaster became the topic of conversation. how long we stood there. We took no note of tha time ; but
The duke listened awhile, and having heard the arguments the golden glories of the sunset had deepened into dusk, and
pro and con., at length addressed the company in a most em- the moon had risen high into the star-gemmed vaults of
phatic manner, saying, ' Take care what you are about, for heaven, looking down in brightness upon the mountains
unless the education you give is based upon religion, you are againk which she had so lately leant, ere we turned to re-
only making so many more clever devils. "—Felmouth trace our steps towards the city.—Miss .Pardoe's City of the
Packet. Magyar.