The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1836-01-08 00:00:00

111.k1ILBOROUGH-STREET, FRIDAY.

STUFF AND NONSENSE.— Alra/leer Van. Frees a Dutch tai-
lor, appeared before the sitting magistrates to show cause why
he had inflicted a more than reasonable proportion of martial
discipline on his English vrouw, Mrs. Fraas.
Previous to detailing her cause of complaint, Mrs. Fraas
carefully deposited something neatly done up in a damask nap-
kin on the magistrates' table.

Mrs. Fraas then proceeded to state, that Mr. Fraas had not
only used her very badly, but, in addition, had denied her all
those little indulgencies and rational recreations which British
wives consider to be the oppropriate adjuncts of "double"
blessedness. She was delicate in her constitution, and being
troubled with occasional pains in her head, nothing she found
relieved her so much as an hour or two's stroll in the Park, or
on—

"The sweet shady side of Pall-mall."
Her spouse in a sudden fit of jealousy, had taken umbrage at
these innocent rambles, and had plainly hinted his suspicions
that though her head might be benefitted by them, his was all
the worse. During their last matrimonial debate her husband
had, with his conjugal admonitions mixed so much of the argu-
mentem baculinum that she had been compelled to take out a
warrant.

Mynheer Fraas told the Bench that his wife's rambles occur-
red so frequently, had extended to such a length, sometimes oc-
cupying nearly ihe whole of the day, and being pretty well as-
sured they were not always made alone, he had desired her, but
in vain, to discontinue them. She had accused him of being
jealous, but he had greater cause for asserting that she was
jealous of him—or, said Mynheer Fraas, "vy she shall come
to me in a false colour."

Magistrate—What do you mean ?
Defendant—Vv, dat ven I go von time to see my friend she
come and knock de door. I go to see who vas dere, yen my
vife, who did not look at me, say "is Mrs. Fraas live here"—
ven hes Mrs. Fraas herself—(in a rage)—Yes, my Lotd ',Mag-
istrate, she come and say "Is•dere Mrs. Fraas live here," yen
she vas de Mrs. Fraas.

Complainant—Mr. Fraas, I had good reason for going there,
Defendant—Dat, my Lor, is not de worst. She spile my
dinner every Sunday. She alvay dry de beef into a ship.
Magistrate—Explain yourself.
Defendant—Vv, my Lor, I alvay buy some good beef for
Sunday at dinner, and Mrs. Fraas alvay cook so much dat she
dry it into ships. She spite de beef on Sunday.
Mrs. Fraas—You like to eat the meat raw, and I prefer it
well done. The beef was done as it ought to he on Sunday.
Mr. Fraas—(warmly)—lt vas so very well done. You alvay
do every tang very veil—vat you nose I don't like.
Mrs. Fraas—The beef was properly done, and his worship
shall decide.

Here Mrs. Fraas unfolded the napkin, and produced a dish,
in which was a couple of ribs of beef, apparently dressed in a
style which would have puzzled a synod of cooks to find fault
w►th.

"There!" said Mrs. Fraas, pushing the dish under the very
nose of justice. " that will show if the beef was spoilt."
Magistrate—Take the dish away, woman! What do you
mean by entering into such nonsense. Do you think we sit here
to listen to such stuff?
The Bench decided the case by desiring the defendant to en-
ter into his own recognisances.