The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1853-08-02 00:00:00

.e was threatened with immediate

Six emperors had been dethroned w

:bin the

space of twenty-one years. Four perished, we are
told, by the hand of the public executioner ; one
died in obscurity after being deprived of sight ; and

..
_
the other was only allowed to end his days peace-
fully in a monastery, because Leo felt the Imperial
sceptre firmly fixed in his own grasp. The history
udes with the dethronement of Michael VI.,

i conc

the decrepid general and doting senator whom the
Empress Theodora had, with her dying breath,

named as her successor. Theodora, wlic, at the
advanced age of seventy-six, looked forward to a
long life, hoped to recover her health, and compelled
the new emperor to swear with the most tremen-
dous imprecations,_ that he would always remain

obedient to her orders, but she survivedhis nomi-

nation only a few hours ; and with this infatuated
woman—whose senators were all eunuchs, and
who, to preserve her personal power, presided her-
..

self in the cabinet, and even heard appeals, as
supreme judge, in civil cases—expired the race of
Basil, the Sclavonian groom, and the administrative
glory of the Byzantine Empire, on the 30th of
August, 1057.—Mr. Finlay's style is clear, concise,
and eloquent; as a recorder of events he is scru-

pulously careful, and every statement he makes is
endorsed by a competent authority ; in every page
we observe evidence of a ripe and comprehensive
scholarship ; and altogether we regard the work as
an important addition to the standard historical
literature of our country.

IRIETIES

VEAL is now called " unfinished beef;" lamb, "incipient
mutton ;" and sucking pig, " premonitory pork."

THE TWO NEIGHBOURS who fell out have got in again.
Neither of them are injured.

MAN who attempted to whistle a bar of soap has
his voice by trying to sing a stave of a sugar-hogs-

AN .ANIERICAN PAPER advertises :—" To PERSONS
WHO THINK OF DYING.—For sale, several lots in Cypress
Hills Cemetery. Apply at the office of the Ewing Mir-
ror, 40, Ann-street."

Iv " Maddock's Chancery Practice," we find the fol-
lowing beautiful specimen of legal perspicuity :—" When
a person is bound to do a thing, and he does what may
enable him to do the thing, he is supposed in equity to do
it with a view of doing what he is bound to do."
ONE of the admirers of Richard Coeur de Lion attempts
to portray him as a humorist, quoting the following anec-
dote—When the Pope Celestine wrote to remonstrate
with him for keeping "his son," the Bishop of Beauvais,
in prison, Richard returned for answer the bishop's coat
of mail, with the text from the Vulgate, " See whether
this be thy son's coat, or no.'"
-

ONE never knows what place to assign to sighs and
tears in this world of ours—whether they are to be classi-
fied as ministers of pleasure or of pain, for we meet them
everywhere—the handmaidens of all strong emotioans—
even as in external native we continually find light and
shade alternating and succeeding one another, administer-
ing eaoh at times to our enjoyment and our discomfort.—
Jonathan Freke Slingsby.

HOPE.—Hope is a slender reed for a stout man to lean
on, but it's strong enough, I do suppose, for them that's
infirm of mind and purpose. The houses hope builds are
castles in the air. The houses of the wretched who are
altogether without hope are too dismal to live in. A slight
infusion of hope may be prescribed in bad cases ; but
strong doses weaken the mind, loosen the morals, and
destroy the happiness of those who indulge in them.
The true rule is, perhaps, not to let hope build a house
i
for you, or to live with you in t ; but he might come to
visit you sometimes, to cheer you up a little by talking
pleasant, and getting you to look on the bright side of
things when you are in a solemncholy mood. Hope is
a pleasant acquaintance, but an unsafe friend. He'll do
on a pinch for a travellin' companion, but he is not the
man for your banker.—Sava Slick's Wise Saws.
AN OBLIGING HOSTESS.—Two young officers were tra-
velling in the far West, when they stopped to take supper
at a small road-side tavern, kept by a very rough Yankee
woman. The landlady, in a calico sun bonnet, and bare
feet, stood at the head of the table to pour out. She en-
quired of her guests if " they chose long sweetening or
short sweetening in their coffee." The first officer, sup-
posing that " long sweetening " meant a large part of that
article, chose it accordingly. What was his dismay when
he saw their hostess dip her finger deep down into an
earthen jar of honey that stood near her, and then stir it
(the finger) round the coffee. His companion, seeing
this, preferred " short sweetening." Upon which the
woman picked up a large lump of maple sugar that lay in
a brown paper on the floor beside her, and biting off a
piece, put it in his cup. Both the gentlemen dispensed
with coffee that evening. This anecdote we heard from
the sister of one of those officers.—Travels in the United
Slates.

RECOLLECTIONS OF A SERJEANT AT LAW.
THE RETURNED FEE ; OR THE HIGHWAYMAN AND

HIS COUNSEL

I think it was Preston Assizes, on the Northern circuit,
about the year 1814, that I was instructed to defend a no.
torious highwayman ; and, as the case was expected to be
one of great difficulty, I received a fee of five guineas.
When the trial came on, the judge descovered some flaw
in the indictment, which was fatal to the whole proceed-
ings, and the prisoner was in consequence discharged
without any of the particulars of the case being entered
into.

I sat until late after the bar dinner in the evening, and
the clock struck twelve as I entered my lodgings which
were in a lonely house a short distance from the town.
The folk had all retired to rest, and were by this time
deeply anchored in the snoring depths of a Lancashire hard
sleep. I sat musing over the fire for an hour, visions of
future woolsacks figuring to themselves shapes in the burn-
ing coals, when a loud knock at the door disturbed my
meditations. My clerk, of course, was absent; and sup-
posing some client in a hurry, or some " sublime rascal"
of an attorney was impatient, I opened it myself.
A tall, gaunt man, wrapped in a loose horseman's coat,
with a handkerchief from which the tips of his ears peeped
red like " the rosy morn," with a ferocity of whisker, and
an obliquity of vision and a deep scar on his cheek, in a
gruff voice, thus addressed me :—" Measter, I a'cuin for
that £5."
" What do you mean, my good fellow ?" said I, feeling
rather nervous.

" I say I want that five pound note that 'torney Mr.
Shark gave you this morning."
" Who are you, Sir ?" I inquired, by no means reas-
sured by his mention of Mr. Shark's name.
" I am Harry Hell-Fire, that was imprisoned for high-
way robbery, and they've just let me our, and so I thought
I'd come, have back my money before I was offto London."

_
. .
" But my good fellow," replied I, beginning to feel ex-
tremely uncomfortable, "you can't claim the money, your
case has been heard, and you are acquitted ; what more
could you want ?"
__

" Ali," retorted my client, the highwayman, in a voice
something between a growl and a grin, " no thanks to you,
measter—it was the old codger above in the wig that got
me off; Mr. Shark handed you over the £5 to make a
speech for me, and you had no speech to make, and you
didn't make a speech, so hand me the money,_meast9!.."

At this juncture the wind blew aside the skirts of his
coat, and the moonlight fell upon the brass mounting of a
horse pistol ; my knees knocked under me, but I sum-
moned my courage, and screwing up a bold face, I replied,
" But it is not professional, my good friend, to return
money, for you see that if we were at once to do so—"
" Oh," I don't understand your trade, measter coun-
sellor ; but I know that you have had my money, and
done nothing for it ; so hand it back,—come I can't stop."
With this he gently insinuated his left hand and foot
within the door, and tapped his fingers persuasively on a
large blackthorn club in his right hand. I looked back.
ward upon the darkness and loneliness of my room, for-
ward to the solitary house and unfrequented lane, and
putting my hand into my waistcoat pocket, I took out
the five pound note and handed it to him.
He wished me good night, with a knowing leer, and I
heard no more of him.

I never was so taken in but once, when myself and two
other barristers having exerted ourselves for a handsome
fee, succeeded in getting the two W—s off for forgery.
They were acquitted—and by the time they were a
hundred miles at least from the assize town, we found out
that all of us, counsel, attorneys, and all, had been liberally
paid in forged notes.