The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1836-08-30 00:00:00

LG.ZYDON POLICE REPORT.

M A RLBOROUG H-ST REE T.
AFFAre.P. n'HoNNEuit.—A personage of imposing exterior,
whose velvet-faced dresscoat, flowered silk waistcoat, and glit-
tering neck-chain, and brooch, in the claw.° 'scar° of the clerk's
office, presented the Jac simile of a swell of the " first magni-
tude," in a towering passion applied to one of the officers for
an assault warrant, and having talked in a very magnificent
manner of an atrocious assault, ungentlemanly conduct, injured
honour, &c., he was shown into the Magistrates' room, and the
party complained against was immediately sent for.
The defendant, with an air of prodigious consequence, en-
tered the office, his dress, however, afforded a ludicrous contrast
to his lofty manner, for the short jacket which he wore, allowed
more than one portion of his body linen to appear through the
numerous spaces for ventilation, in his never-to-be-mentioned
femoral garment.
This unprovoked outrage (began the complainant) occurred
in consequence of the defendant telling me, the moment he saw
me this morning, that I owed three halfpence for half-a-pint of
hot coffee.

Mr. Dyer.—Pray what are you?
Complainant.—l'm a member of a celebrated fashioner's
establishment, in Bond-street, and the defendant is a coadjutor.
Officer.—Your worship they are both journeymen tailors.—
(Laughter).
The complainant, with great warmth, proceeded to detail the
rise and progiess of the quarrel, and after much unparliamen-
tary language had ensued, the defendant committed an assault,
the particulars of which (said the complainant) I ant ashamed
to state to your worship.
Magistrate.—You must explain how you were assaulted.
Cotnplainant.—Must I ? Well ; he pulled my nose, and then
he spit in my face.
Pardon me your worship, (said the defendant, bowing pro-
foundly). Pardon me for tresspassing.on your valuable dime,
but a duty I owe to the public hobligates me to lay a statement
of facts before the bench. That individual, in the most un-
gentlemanly manner wanted to chissel this boy as supplies us
with evening refreshment out of half a pint of coffee. I taxed
him with the charge, and he replied—" your a d—d liar."
" Dare," said I, " to app►v such an abrupt epitaph to my cha-
racter, and I'll instantly sacrifice you to my resentment."
" Will you ?" says he, "you are a nasty puppy." Then, your
worship, as a man and a gentleman, I put it to you, would you
not have acted as I did ? I seizes his proboscis, and certainly
I did expectorate on his countenance.
Mr: Dyer.—Have you any witness who heard the opprobrious
names applied to you ?
Another tailor stepped forward to depose that the names were
applied, and, clenching his fist valiantly, declared that had the
same names been applied to him, he would have knocked a
thundering hole through his ugly carcass.
The case was then dismissed.

IRELAND.

COLLECTANEA HIBERNICA.
NO. I.

" The labourer is worthy of his hire," and has been paid an
instalment very promptly. Scarce was his foot on the Irish
shore, when he began to vilify, calumniate, and scurrilize, Ba-
ron Smith; and without an instant's delay the defamer receives
an invitation to Mr. Drummond's table, to which, we believe,
the defamed baron never yet was invited. On his way, the
slanderer added to his dinner claim, by stepping in at Capel-
street, and declaring his determination of impeaching the chief
baron. Thus the laws are upheld by the Irish government.—
Thus their servile allegiance to the Lord of Misrule is dis-
proved. Thus the pure and unspotted judges of the land, to
whom the lives and liberties of our fellow-subjects are commit-
ted, and who have most faithfully discharged their trust, are
handed over to the unprincipled abuse of a foul-mouthed mis-
creant, and his slanders encouraged and rewarded by honours
and invitations. Bravo, Mr. Drummond!