The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1836-11-01 00:00:00

THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD

LONDON LAW AND POLICE COURTS.

IVESTNIINSTER COURT OF REQUESTS.

Mr. Walter, Secretary to the Ten Guinea Loan Society,
summoned a refractory brother for £1 Bs.
The constitution of this fraternal association is very curious.
The members, who must be of " known good character, of
peaceable demeanour, and whose general good conduct will
bear the strictest investigation," inset weekly at the lied Lion.
Gilbert-street, Grosvci:or-square. Each pays 4s. a week, 4d.
for rent, and 4d. fur drink, and at the end of the year he is en-
titled to a check for ten guineas. But at certain times a mem-
ber may anticipate the end of the year by drawing his money at
the bei;inning out of a lottery. In the; case in question the
wheel turned up in favour of the defendant anti two others,
whom he joined in a ticket; but he, being a householder, was
obliged to guarantee for the repayment on the part of three
brothers, whu had paid but a portion of the ticket.
Mr. Plummer acknowledged that lie owed the money, but he
objected to the addition of Bd. a week for the rent of a room
which he did not outer, and the price of porter which he did not
drink.
Mr. Walter.—But, my dear fellow, one of your brothers un-
dertook to drink it for you, which you know is ii;! the same in
law. (Loud laughter.) Another brother volunteered to smoke
your allowance of tobacco ; but your chair stands in the same
place. Now if you had been punctual you would have had
your pot and your pipe, and as you were not, I think that in-
stead of grumbling you ought to be thankful to the brothers who
took your part and did duty for you in your absence. (Laugh.
ter.) You see, gentlemen, here's the card of the constitution
of our society. Now brother Plummer has the use of his eyes
as well as me. _ _ .

Brother Plummer.—No, I hasn't, because you wears spec-
tacles, and outside this you sticks on a spy glass. (Laug►hter.)
Mr. Walter.—Well, gentlemen, as I was saying, here is the
card, and if brother Plummer was not able to read, another
brother could have read it for him cud proved that the two four-
pences a week were insisted upon. If he did not do that, he
has no one to blame but his own plumbeosity. (Laughter.)
_ Mr. Plummer.—W hat do you mean by my own plumbeosity,

I wants to know ?
Mr. Walter was about to give the etymology of this word, but
the Commissioners, fearing that that explanation would put an
end to all feelings of brotherly love, told him not to mind it,
and decided that Mr. Plummer was bound to pay according to
the rules of the society.
COURT OF REQUESTS.—THURSDAY.
AN AMICABLE SETTLEMENT.—The landlady of the Hope
public-house, in the New-road, summoned a rade excavator for
16s. 6d.

Commissioner.—What's it for?
Landlady.—Beer and gin.
Excavator.—Ah ! but we've settled everything hamicably.

Commissioner.—lndeed; how does that happen ?
Excavator.—Because 1 don't owe it all. (Laughter.)
But, my good fellow, how do you call it an amicable settle-
ment ? You say you don't owe the money.—But I do owe it.
(Laughter.)
Then you acknowledge the debt?—No, I does'nt.
Don't trifle, sir. What do you acknowledge ?—Vy, as I said
afore—l said yell settle all by a hamicable arrangement.
Now just tell us what yo-u mean ?—Won't I—now look'e
year—l acknowledges as this here 165.6 d. was drunk ' • but how
was it drunk, haye ? ITV she comes in and drinks half, as a
matter o'course; werry well then, if so be as she'll pay half, I
a'iut no objection to pay my half. You understands me—if
she goes and pays me Bs. 3d., vy, I a'int no objection what-
somedever to pay her jest the same, and so by that means we're
quits. (Laughter.)
Now, sir, how much do you think you ought to pay ? Ax
that there question of her, my lord. (Laughter.)
Plaintiff protested against any amicable arrangement. She
assured the commissioner that the defendant had not only drunk
all that was charged to him, but that he wanted to drink a great
deal more. (Laughter.)
Commissioner.—No doubt of it. Now, Mr. Jobbs, what have
yna to say ?
Defendant.—Vy, jest as I said afore.
Commissioner.—Well, then, sir, vou must pay it in a month.
Defendant.—Werry well; and if you cotches me in our tun-
nel, vy (here he nodded) you may, but you'll do more nor any
on 'em—(laughter)—inark that, my lord!
Here the shaggy defendant adjourned to the public-house op.
posite, after an ineffectual attempt to induce the plaintiff to take
something "cold without" at his expense.
FRIDAY.

MASTER SLENDER AND Ills BOOK OP SONNETS!—A very
sentimental, and withal, very consumptive looking gentleman,
about 20 years of age, wearing a round blue jacket, and his
shirt-collar turned down a la Byron, was summoned before Mr.
Commissioner Dubois, by a bookbinder named Harrison, fur
payment of the sum of six shillings.
What do you say to this? asked Mr. Dubois of the defend-

ant.
Defendant—Say, sir, why I could write a whole volume upon
it. (Laughter.) You must know, sir, i have a taste for poetry,
and having some idea of setting up in that line, I writ .a great
many fugitive pieces—sich as sonnets, and sich likes; and as it
was my intention to employ Mr. Murray to publish 'em, I thort
I'd have'm all bound up together, so as to look decent and tidy.
(Laughter.) Well, sir, and gentlemen of 63 jury, this here's
the book, and I mean to say the binding's a disgrace to my
genus. (Laughter.)
Mr. Commissioner—That's a great pity—just hand it up—
(The thing was done in blue morocco, and resembled a large
cyphering book.) Will you allow me to read a portion of the
contents to the jury?
Defendant—With inconceivable pleasure, sir.
The Commissioner here read to the Court the following por-
tion of a sonnet to Mr. Graham's balloon 1—
" Great Gawky, wonder of the !tapper skies,
Oh, how I loves to see yer body rise ;
There's lots of fear, alt hough they tries to mask it,
As they hangs dangling in a wicker basket;
For me, when'ere I takes a hariel ride,
I means to book a place in the hinside—
And mounting huppards to the hopper skies.
I shan't feel giddy !—cos I'll shot both hies!"
Although the whole Court was convulsed with laughter,
Master Slender maintained the most imperturbable gravity.
The Commissioner intimated that then' weme odes to Daniel
O'Connell—" Sonnets on my mother," and a few tender epistles
"to Sarah."
The worthy Commissioner, on charging the Jury, observed
that the value of the binding could be estimated alone by a
bookbinder. The contents of the book was mere rubbish; tut
it did not follow that the bookbinder was to charge an exhor-
bitant price for what certainly appeared to be a very indiffer-
ent binding.
The Jury decided that ds., with the payment of costs, was
amply sufficient.
CHEAP Lonoirius.—A very intelligent girl, named Mary
Morgan, was summoned for Is. 9d. lodging money, at 3d. per
night. The poor girl, who had evidently been well educated,
assured the Commissioner that she was not unwilling to pay,
but that she could not; and as to the value of the lodging, there
were 18 persons all sleeping in one room!—they were all hud-
dled together like so many swine.
The plaintiff, who looked the very essence of depravity, pres-
sed for au immediate payment; but the Jury considerately al-
lowed the poor girl a period of two months for payment of the
debt.
On quitting the Court she respectfully and feelingly thanked
the Commissioner and the Jury.