The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1840-09-11 00:00:00

MIDDLESEX COUNTY COURT

Tue BATTLE or THE Booxs.—Julius Thomas Bentley, a
tall, thin young gentleman, attired after the approved fashion
of Sir Edward Lytton Bulwer, and whose abundant crop of
hair, overshadowing a pale hatchet-shaped face, rendered it
almost impossible to decide accurately upon the reality of his
gender, appeared to sustain a summons against John Joseph
Warburton. Both of the litigants, in dress and manner,
formed so complete a counterpart of each other; that the two
.1), mica, or the two Sociog, were thrown altogether into the
shade. It appeared that they were both distinguished mem-
bers of a literary society—they had read, spelt, and whistled
together ; they had interchanged their books, and ditto their
sentiments thereupon; in short, as the author of Christabel

sung—

" They had been friends in youth,
But whispering tongues can poison truth."
The jealously of the literary character is as proverbial as
its irritability ; a quarrel ensued upon the subject of their
studies. Julius Thomas Bentley was a very passionate ad-
mirer of the deep (!) and searching (!) philosophy of the
dandy baronet who immortalised the ruffian Paul Clifford,
and the cut-throat Eugene Aram. While upon the other
hand John Joseph Warburton, who prided himself on being
a descendant of the polemical dignitary of that name, held
Sir Edward and all his works in the most ineffable contempt,
and, in the true spirit of his annotating ancestor, he had
pretty freely expressed his opinions by sundry marginal notes,
scribbled upon a number of volumes that had been lent to
him by the said Julius Thomas Bentley. This was the head
and front of his offending, and for which he was doomed, like
the author of the " Divine Legation," to get considerably
roasted and annoyed. The first intimation John Joseph
Warburton received of the implacable anger of Mr. Julius
Bentley was through the medium of the following note :
Mr. Julius Thomas Bentley requests Mr. John Joseph
Warburton to make good the books he's spoiled a scribbling
over them, as follows : X. s. d.
" For spoiling Hutne's Essays .... 0 8 0
For damaging Lytton Bulwer
For spoiling the Penny Magazine
For spoiling Wordsworth's Poems
For spoiling a book 1 don't mention 0 6 6

£1 18 0

" P.S. The sooner I hear from you the better."
To the above alarming demand, Mr. John Joseph War-
burton replied like a man of spirit and a scholar:—
" Sir,-1 beg of you not to trouble me any more about
books you never can comprehend, and regarding money
which you will never get. If 1 have placed any notes upon your
margins, it has been with a view to enlighten your own thick
head, and I consider you ought to feel indebted to me.
—Yours, Ike. "J. J. WARBURTON."
This quaint note was the means of introducing the learned
annotator to the court, a summons having been issued by the
enraged Julius Thomas Bentley. On their names being
called their eyes flashed vengeance upon each other. Julius
Thomas stepped exactly into the place that the rules of the
court awarded to John Joseph.

" If I thought you meant to insult me," said John Joseph—
" You think," said Julius Thomas, with a look of supreme
contempt, " Sir, a thinking animal is a"—

. .
"Don't talk to me, sir,'rsaid John Joseph.
Julius Thomas—Sir, I tell you, that neither Locke, nor
Berkeley, nor Reid—

..
Commissioner.—Now, gentlemen, suppose I think a little
for you. (Laughter.) I see you claim £1 IBs., Mr. Julius
Thomas Bentley, how do you make it out ?

Mr. Julius Thomas Bentley.—I couldn't bring all the
books, sir, but look at this copy of Lytton Bulwavgh's—
that profound philosopher—see, sir, what John Joseph has
scribbled. (The book was handed up.)
Mr. John Joseph Warburton—Yes, sir, at a very certain
stupid passage, I wrote "My beautiful my own,', as Sir
Edward Lytton says, in his recently forgotten play of the
Sea Captain, making the said Sea Captain apostrophise the
sea. (Laughter.)
The learned Commissioner.—Well, well ; do, gentlemen,
come to the point.
Plaintiff.—l contend that no one has any right to spoil my
books.

Defendant.—No, sir, certainly not, with the proviso that
you understand them. If you did, ~ihy then I—(laughter.)

The Commissioner.—Gentlemen this is a matter that can-
not be allowed. I recommend you both to " Coke upon
Lyttelton," to " Arthunbot's Art of Selling a Bargain," or,
in reference to your own upper stories, to " Arthunbot's
Dissertation upon Dumpling." The case is too trifling to
trouble a jury with : it is therefore dismissed.
Julius Thomas Bentley.—Then, sir, I demand satisfaction.
" So do I," said John Joseph Warburton.

Then you had better take it, said a bye-stander of the Sam
Weller creation. The parties, however, walked quietly out
of court.