The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1852-12-07 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

IT IS SAlD—that, whenever the wish is father to the
thought, it will be a (p) parent.
LEGAL INFORMATION.—If you bite a man's nose of,
what are you bound by law to do ? Keep the piece.
HORACE WALPOLE tells a story of a Lord Mayor of
London in his time, who, having heard that a friend had
the small-pox twice, and died of it, inquired if he died the
first time or the second.

A CHAP OUT WEST who had been severely afflicted
with palpitation of the heart, says he found instant relief
by the application of another palpitating heart. Another
triumph in homoeopathy. " Like cures like."
WHAT Cows TO KEEP.—A New England fanner
inquires " What cows should farmers keep ?" Fubbs
suggests that they should keep their own! as serious in-
conveniences often arise from a propensity to keep those
belonging to other folk.
A CORRESPONDENT of Notes and Queries quotes emi-
nent authorities in favour of the pronunciation of Gib-
raltar and Trafalgar with the accent on the ultimate, and
not the penultimate, syllables. Dr. Scott was particular
to call Gibraltar—Gibraltar.

DOCTRINE OF INTENTION.—" There is a story of a
French bishop, who declared on bis death-bed that he
had never administered the sacrament in earnest, for the
purpose of invalidating the ordination of all who had
received orders at his hands."
A CURE FOR STUPIDITY.—" You are very stupid,
Thomas," said a country teacher to a little boy eight
years old. " You are like a donkey, and what do they
do to cure them of stupidity ?" " They feed them better
and kick them less," said the arch little urchin.
" Did you say, sir, that you considered Mr. Smith in-
sane ?" asked a lawyer of a witness in a criminal case.
" Yes, sir, I did." " Upon what grounds did you base
that inference ?" " Why, I lent him a silk umbrella and
five shillings in money, and he returned them both."
CUPID.—" Aminadab, who is Cupid ?" " One of the
boys. He is said to be as blind as a bat ; but if he is
blind, he'll do to travel. He found his way into Aunt
Nan's affections, and I wouldn't have thought any critter
could have worked his way into such narrow arrangements
with his eyes open."
A " SETTLER" FOR INSECTS.—When plants or flowers
are attacked by insects, the following, which is in no re-
spect injurious to any plant, will be found an effectual
remedy :—To six quarts of soft water add half a pound of
black soap, and a quarter of a pint of turpentine. Apply
this to the stems with an ordinary paint-brush.—Kidds
Own Journal.

LONG DRESSES.—In his " Fortnight in Ireland," Sir
F. B. Head professes to a partiality for bare ankles and
bare feet. " There can be no doubt," he says, " that
there is a freshness in this costume of nature that cannot
belong to a fashionable gown, which, from sweeping the
ground, and from being tightly bandaged round the waist,
forms a splendid unventilated palace, in which the archi-
tect has forgotten to insert either chimney, staircase, door,
or window !"
UNSOPHISTICATED ELOQUENCE.—A countrywoman
was carrying on a very simple process against a neighbour
in one of the small courts of Germany. The attorney of
the opponent pestered her with so much of chicanery and
legal subtleties that she lost all patience, and interrupted
him thus :—" My lord, the case is simply this : I bespoke
of my opponent, the carpet-maker, a carpet, with figures
which were to be as handsome as my lord the judge, and
he wants now to force me to take one with horrible cari-
catures, uglier even than his attorney. Was I not right
in breaking off the bargain ?" The court laughed at the
comparison, the attorney was stupified, and the woman
won her suit.

NAMING A SHIP.—" Namin' a ship's jess like namin'
a babe,' said old Sarachback, " fust, 'propriateness ; next
or sec'nly, beauty. Call a gal Prudence an' she'll be
scattered-witted as a hen turkey. Call her Grace, an' see
if she aint orkud. There was Stan'fast Leach, always the
fust to run when we fit the Marble headers. Beats all
the poetical, romantic, sentimental-like way folks has got
lately of namin' vessels. Jubiter, an' such, is all ex-
ploded to nothin'. Clippers is in, and gundaloes is out.
There's the White Squal, an' Black Squal, an' all kind o'
coloured squals. There's the Greyhound, an' the Hell-
hound, an' the Hoarhound. There's the Wings of the
Mornin' and the Tales of My Grandfather. There's the
Westward Hoe and the Rake's Progress ; all up for Cali-
fornia, sharp as razors, and bound to be Mar in seventy-
five days—neck or nothin'. Flyin' Fish, Flyin' Brick,
Flyin' Squirl, and Flyin' Ointment. The❑ there's some
names, as long as the clippers—reg'lar three decker syl-
lables,—enough to make the underwriters charge an extra
quarter per cent. Now, there's thousands of papers is got
to be made out on every ship, and yet folks keep the poor
clerk a spellin' over and over the Sovereign of the Seas,
the Queen of the Seas, the Selectman of the Billows, the
Water Commissioner, and others as long as a train of dirt
cai ts. I don't go for your tearin' slap-dash figuree style
of craft, and don't want to see n'ary Bloomer, afloat
nor ashore. Always name your vessel after the captain's
wife, or out of scripture, and then you're safe against pre-
sumption and poetry.—Boston Post.

ELECTION PETITIONS

The following is a listof 120 members petitioned against :
46 MINISTERIAL ISTS.
Hanbury, Hon S B Montgomery, H L
Heathcote, G H Peacocke, GM W
Herbert, Sir Thos Pigot, Sir Robert
Hill, Lord A E Robertson, P F
Horsfall, Thos B ,*Rumbold, Chas E
Johnstone,Hn HB Smith, Sir Frederic
Ker, D S ITaylor, Colonel
King, James King Taylor, Hugh
Kirk, William Turner, Charles
*Lacon, Sir E Vance, John
Macaulay,Kenneth Waddington, Davd
Mackenzie, W F Wellesley, Lord C
Mare, Chas John Whitmore, Henry
Miller, Travener J Woodd, B T
Mills, Arthur IWyndhatri,General

Astell, J H
Bagge, Wm
Bateson, T
Bentinck, George P
Booker, Thos Wm
Booth, Sir R G
Bremridge, Richd
Brisco, Musgrave
Butt, Isaac

Dodd, George
Du Cane, Charles
Fraser, Sir Wm A
George. John

Gipps, H Plumptre
Grogan, Edward
Hamilton, J Hans