The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1839-10-22 00:00:00

PHRENOLOGICAL WELLERISMS.

AMATIVENESS.—" Sweet food and fruits of early love."
as the boy said to the almonds and raisins.
PHILOPROGENITIVENESS. " What blessings children
are," as the clerk said, when he took the fees for christening
them. _ _ ..

ADHESIVENESS.—" You stick to me like true friends,"
as the man said to the tar and feathers, after he had been
Lynched.
INHABITIVENESS.—" Home, sweet home !" as the loafer
said, when he was sent to the States' prison for the third
time.

CONCENTRATIVENESS.—" I see the BOLE of your dis-
order," as the cobbler said to the boot that was worn out,
and wanted patching.
COMBATIVENESS.—" We've both had many a brush in
our day," as the old sailor said to his cocked-hat.
DESTRUCTIVENESS.—" It's a toe-tal loss," as the sailor
said, when the shark bit his leg off.
ALIMENTIVENESS.—" We are both matters of taste," as
the gingerbread said to the fine picture.
ACQUISITIVENESS.—" Ve never takes more ash double
price," as the Jew pedlar said to Swartwout.
SECRETIVENESS.—" hide you where nobody can see
you," as the schoolmaster said, when he took the truant into
the cellar to larrup him.
CAUTIOUSNESS.—" rat-ify it, after I've put my con-
cluding claws to it," as the cat said when she was watching
the mouse.

APPROBA.TIVENESS.—" We've come off with flying co-
lours," as the ensign said, when he ran from the enemy.
SELF-ESTEEM.—" Industry must prosper," as the pick-
pocket when he stole three handkerchiefs before breakfast.
FIRMNESS.—" The more you drive me. the firmer 1 am
fixed," as the nail said to the hammer.
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--" I shall prevent the use of ardent
spirits," as the grocer said when he watered his liquors."
MARVELLOUSNESS. —" Should'nt wonder if that made
my head ache !" as the sailor said when the cannon ball
smashed his skull.

VENERATION.—" All the world looks up to me," as the
thief said when he stood in the pillory.
BENEVOLENCE.—" I leave you the bulk of my personal
property," as the fat old gentleman said to his lean nephew.
CONSTRUCTIVENESS.—" I'll do it for you with pleasure,"
as the carpenter said when the hangman asked him to make
aallows.
IDEALITY.—" 1,11 banquet on the smiles of love," as the
hungry poet said, when he thought of his mistress, about
dinner time.

IMITATION.—" follow in your footsteps," as one thief
said to another, when he spelled him on the treadmill.
MIRTHFULNESS.—" I shall die laughing," as the ticklish
man said when the sheriff was fixing the rope around his
neck to hang him.
INDIVIDUALITY.—" That's a personal remark," as the
prisoner said when the judge told him to hold up his right
hand.
FORM.—" You only.want a tail to be one of us," as the
monkey said to the whiskered dandy.
SIZE.—" It is'nt the size of a present that gives it its
value," as the gentleman said when the lady gave him four
boys at a birth.
WEIGHT.—" I feel the weight of your resentment," as
the man said when his wife beat him with the broomstick.
ORDER.—" First come, first served," as the snare said to
the rabbit.

CALCULATION.—" Your friendship is very dear to me,"
as the merchant said when he had to pay his endorsements
for his neighbours.

LOCALITY.—" This spot seems rather wet and exposed,"
as the drunken man said when he fell in the utter.
EVENTUALITY.—" I'm off!" as the man's head said to
the guillotine.
TIME.—" My fate will be soon revealed to the world," as
the calf said when the butcher was going to kill it.
TUNE.—" Your music is nothing but the ' windy suspira-
tion of forced bread,' as Shakspeare says," as the bellows
blower said to the church organ.
CASUALTY.—" It is the caws! it is the caws !" as the
old crow said when he quoted Othello.