Star.
London, England, 1826-11-06 00:00:00

KIT-CAT SKETCHES.

FROM THE NEW MONTHLY NAGAIEINE.
LONDON REMANETS.
In the Metropolitan Court of Hymen, only a certain
number of causes can be tried daring the season. In a
considerable portion of them the plaintiffs are nonsnited:
now and then a juror is drawn ; and sometimes they go
off.by consent. Notwithstanding all this, the suits art
so numerous, that those which are set down late become
Rema nen. Mrs. Wrangle and family are still sojourn-
ing in Russell-place, Fitzroy-square. All the rest of
the world (that is to say, all the individuals is Mrs.
s. Wrangle's visiting book) are out of town. The
Partingtons are stalking, at the rate of sixpence a head,
upon the upper parade at Margate: the Ferguson's are
at the Plough, at Cheltenham: the Fairfields superin-
spect the new steps now constructing in the cliff at
Ramsgate, vice Jacob's Ladder superannuated; Colonel
and Mr•-. Nightingale hum duetts on Sion Hill, Tun-
bridge Wells; and the Hon,Lieut. Col. Ogle perforates
hearts, like one of Homer's charioteers, from his tilbury,
round the Steine at Brighton, every day from three to
five. But Mr. Mrs. and the three Miss M'Tangles con-
tinue in Russell-place, Fitzroy-square. In other words,
the M'Tangles are London Retnanets.
" What can be the reason of this ?" is the question
pretty generally put by husbands to wives, and by wives
to husbands ; who, if they are attached at all, must be
held, upon these occasions, to be "attached for want of
answer." None of them know the secret ; I do. Mrs.
*Tangle is a very clever woman, and must be supposed
to have a reason for what she does. As to Mr. M'l angle,
he is nobody ; which, to be sure, is generally the case
in famires *here the Wife is somebody. I never knew
the world to admit both husband and wife to be clever
people. -In this respect they are like Chelsea water-
works; when one is up the other is down. M'Tangle
is by no means a fool, when you get him into a corner.
A little too apt, indeed, to talk about the Corn Laws,
but in other respects I should call him an endurable sort
of a body ; and his prudence is proverbial. During the
heat of last summer, he is said to have tied up his wheel-
barrow, because a mad dog had snapped at it. And
yet when the wife is mentioned, people always cry him
down. When I marry, I snean to choose rather a stupid
woman. Akin to this prejudice is that of supposing
that one person cannot be clever in two pursuits. Parke,
the oboe player, was taught by a friend playing on the
fiddle : " For Heaven's sake," exclaimed the orifice-
puffer, "don't mention it again • if the town knew that
I played upon two instruments, would never give
me the credit of excelling on either."
Men always sympathize with the sufferings of girls,
more than those of their own sex. " Really, my dear,
I pity those poor girls, the *Tangles," said Mr. Part-
ington to his Lady, as he peeped through his telescope
on the Margate Pierhead, in the vain hope of catching
a little smoke in the horizon, from which to infer the
coming of the Eclipse steam vessel : "there they are
broiling in town this whole blessed summer—you should
ask one of them down." So saying, Mr. Partington
tilted his Chinese straw hat a little mere over his brow
to shade his eyes from the burning glare of Phoebus.
" Why, as to that, my dear," auswered the wife, "we
have daughters of our own to dispose of : and don't you
remember how Sally M'Tangle took the first in the duett
of I Con un Aria with Colonel Nightingale, after he had
tried it with our daughter Fanny, and had found that
the poor girl could not get on with it?—l have never
had a good opinion of the family since." This, of
course, settled the matter.—A word with Mr. Partington
about his phrase 4' broiling in town." I am a town man
myself, and I think it my duty to stand up for my own
metropolis. Why should the M'Tangles broil, because
they happen to be in town ? For my part I can only
say that, when I was last at Ramsgate, I was broiled
',Testy handsomely. I took a walk upon the Lighthouse
Pier, and a very light-house pier it was: my face was
like Lord Kelly's, whom Foote solicited to look over his
garden wall to ripen his melons: Saint Lawrence was a
sprat to me. On my return to town,l took a boat from
Cherry Garden Stairs to Whitehall; to do which I had
to walk down Botolph Lane. The street was delightfully
narrow ; the sun could not enter, but a column of air
could ; and I was regaled by the grateful scent of
oranges and lemons iet the adjoining warehouses. Let
us hear no more of broiling in town. From that time
forth I always set down my cause as a London Rem-
net.—The fact is, that Mrs. *Tangle has let me into
her confidence, knowing that I never publish. I met
her, of all places in the world, in a private box at the
Adelphi Theatre, witnessing the representation of Long
Tom Coffin, by Mr. T. P. Cooke; and a very clever
representation it is. "You never come near us now,"
ej.culated Mrs. M'Tangle, in one of her most 'mil-
i% lent moods. !Coos ing that I was past praying for
in the matrimonial line, I felt puzzled to account for
this sudden predilection. However, it was settled
that I should dine a ith her on the Wednesday follow.
ing, when I accordingly met three or four young men
—a greal deal too young for me, but by no means too
young for the Mesdemoiselles M'Tangle. We had the
usual lures. Tom Gisborne, who had made a good deal
of motley by Mexican Scrip, was asked by Miss
M'Tangle if he would not have some love stuce with
his muffin pudding? George Juniper, a rising wine
and brandy merchant, sang after dinner, 4' My spirits
are mounting, my heart's. full of glees" (Cause and effect
in one line,) which inc. M'Tangle pronounced to be
the best song she ever heard is her life y and Sarah, the
youngest, undismayed by her former failure in " Con
un Aria," contented to take the first in the " Witches
Glee," composed br King, if Mr. Parsons (son and heir
of Sir Peregt ine Parsons) would take the second. I
found, by comparing little cit Cumstances toge her, that
they had been conning it over for weeks; and I now
discovered the secret of Mrs. Wrangle's adoration of
me at the Adelphi Theatre. I had observed Jane whip
periog her mother between the acts significantly, and
had overheard the words 44 Sings a base." I thought at
the moment that this was meant to apply to Long Tom
Coffin, but I now found that I was the hero of the side
speech, and that I had been complimented with a knife
:nod f rk in Russell-place, in order to grumble out,
•• When t! .e Hurly burly's done." Being in the main
a good natured man when nothing occurs to vex me, I
made no objection, and away we started, with " When
shall a e three meet again," as loud as if nothing had hap-
pened. After this, I left the three girls tumbling over
. their music books in quest of " 0 Patric ingrata !"
• You will find it among the loose songs," said Jane to
• Sarah, where, it occurred to me, it had no business to
be. It further occuried to me, that my base being
coed, arid there being three girls and three young men
...id/mitre of the author, I was one too many. Accord-
ingly kind Mts. NliTangle called me into the adjoining
drawing room, to get me out of harm's way ; and 1 left

the half dozen young ones pinned two and two, as
young ones should, looking over operas, and hoping
that Velluti was not ring to leave us.
Mrs. M'Tangle now let me a little into her plan. I
took my seat by her on the sofa ; and, while a crimson
ottoman propped her feet, she opened after the follow-
ing fashion This is the third year of my continuance
in town during the summer. After • a pretty regular
run of the watering places. I found them all, from July
to September, overstocked with othir peoples daughters
possessed of greater personal attractions than mine.—
' One warm mowing I was conning the matter over with
Mr. M'Tangle, at Donaldson's Library, when it sud-
denly occurred to me, that London in the autumn, from
the absence of competitors, would give the girls a rea-
sonable chance. I mentioned the matter to Mr. *Tan-
gle, who caught at the idea with alacrity. Poor man I
be never liked the sea side. The sun put out his eyes;
and the absence of his ledger and day-book gave him'
the yellow jaundice. We accordingly resolved to ad-
here to Russell-place, Fitzroy-square, through good and
evil report, from year's end to year's end. The scheme
has, I am glad to say, hitherto succeeded. Young men
are delighted with a dinner invitation in September and
October; and when you once have them, you keep
them."—" True," answered I, " but what species of
young men? People of fashion are killing game a
hundred miles off."—" People of fashion ! people of,
fiddlestick !" retorted Mrs. *Tangle. " I have no taste
for the Lord Charleses and Lord Johns. Give me in-
come. There is a considerable portion of good mar-1
riageable material in the Excise and Customs, and
about the Royal Exchange. People occupied there, must
be in town during a great part of the autumnal season.
I base procured two sons-in-law already, who came
hither a courting, with their legs pendant from the top
of the Tallyho Paddington coach. On their descent,
they bad only to cross Fitzroy-square, and here they
were. You may rely upon it, Sir, the true way of
attaching society is to give people dinners when nobody
else will."—go I highly approve of your plan, Madam,
answered 1, rising to take my leave. " I will recom-
mend its adoption to Alderman Hungerford, now on
his travels in Greece in quest of Liberty and the pic-
turesque. He has seven marriageable daughters. Our
young countrymen are flocking to Athens in eboals—a
dinner party in the Acropolis will infallibly do the
business.