The Sun.
London, England, 1868-02-04 00:00:00

OUR AMATEUR PERFORMANCE.

Nothing is easier than fault-finding, and in amateur
theatrical performances the task appears peculiarly feas-
ible. I have had some experience of this truth myself,
for I have been an author, a writer of a burlesque. Ven-
turesome enough it would have been to produce a bur-
lesque in the provinces, having had no London approval,
even with a company of professionals, but to attempt the
thing with a few amateurs, and those of a rather unro-
mantic and unappreciative kind, would appear little short
of madness. Yet we did it, and, if the local papers are to be
believed, splendidly too. Of course the local critic was
not such a muff as to bestow upon us unqualified praise,
and ho even went so far as to find fault with my metre,
notwithstanding the fact that in the numerous extracts he
appropriated ho printed some lines which I could never
find in the original, and that they were never there I of
all people ought to know.
It was det,riuined by the club that I should be requested
to write a burlesque on some fairy tale in any manner I
chose—observe the entire control under which they placed
themselves—provided it was in verse, and plentifully in-
terlarded with puns and break-down dances, and any
monotony conveniently relieved with a travostie of some
music-hall or organ-grinding "popular air." We were all
amateurs, and of course gentlomea. The idea of paying me
for the very trifling trouble requested was not to be thought of
for a moment. The play was to be printed, and so doubt
a fair sum would be realised by the sale of the books atthe
doors, and a proportionate amount of worry entailed upon
me in seeing "the efforts of my muse" through the pro-
vincial press. Of course the entertainments were "in aid
of" something, and tickets began to sell wonderfully when
the date of performance was fixed and published.
Mr. Leamington Cadman kindly volunteered to write
the overture—a very difficult thing, apparently, in these
days, and to be done by very few professors, considering
the strong family likeness all these compcsitions bear. I
take this opportunity of paying a tribute of praise to
this gentleman--I am afraid to meddle with his
name again—for achieving his task with so much
success as to attract the favourable notice of the Epoch,
which you know is of itself fame. And I say this with
the greater pleasure, forasmuch as the leader of the band,
and the two actresses we engaged from London, were the
only persons in the entire concern who received the com-
mendations of that great luminary. But they were pro-
fessionals, you see; and I am told that circumstance makes
all the difference. In fact it was stated, and not a little
indignantly, too, that the gentleman who contributed the
article was never in the theatre at all. But that statement
was the result of ill-nature and vexation, no doubt, for we
know that such conduct on the part of a critic would be
et-cetera'd.

I wonder if a burlesque ever got through the press with-
out a mistake? I have never seen one; and if any gen-
tleman who does me the honour to read this article will
tell me where one is to be had that can boast this distinc-
tion, I will at once purchase it, and preserve it as I would
a dodo, or, let us say, an ichthyosaurus—if I had room for
such a phenomenon. My burlesque had some really fine
typographical peculiarities, and if ever I attempted to per-
petrate a pun at the expense of the ancient Romans, my
printer invariably made havoc of the language of these
former masters of the world, and the Epoch critic, with
praiseworthy reverence, left so delicate - not to say dan-
gerous - a matter wholly untouched.

" Couldn't you manage to put a few more puns into it ?"
said one of the principal performers to me at one of our
"readings." "And I say," said another, "be sure to being
in something about the mayor and the members, and my
big score at cricket."

" What songs are you going to give me ?" inquired the
tenor star. " Good-bye, Sweetheart,' you know is my
masterpiece, and I want awfully to sing ' My own, my
Guiding Star,' if you can introduce it, for between you and
me she's coming to see me perform."
" And then about the actresses. You are going up to
tows, and will see all about that I daresay. And the
dresses you can easily get from Nathan, or some of those
fellows that know all about that kind of thing."

"Oh, bless you, yes," said I. "No difficulty at all.
I've only to make myself personally responsible for the
payment, and the thing is done as neat as ninepence."
" But, I say, you must be sure to get good-looking girls,
you know, or else the fellows won't act half well."
"All right; as if there was such a thing as an ugly
actress."

I had an interview with a young professional lady in
consequence of this extra commission, and my previous
notions concerning good looks were rudely shocked.
She was not good-looking; she was not even passably
noticeable, and therefore not likely to attract. Her Terp-
sichorean achievements were marvellous, I had been told,
and her legs symmetry itself. But 1 could judge only of
the face. it was impossible for me to know how lovely
were her legs, and a proposition to inspect those useful,
and in her case in a double sense, chiefly supporting mem-
bers, would no doubt have been met with scorn. But
what was I to do? I could not tell the young lady she was
not good-looking enough to kindle an amorous ardour in
the breasts of my amateurs, so I have an uneasy copvic -
Lion that I made an ass of myself, and that the young lady
herself saw through the thin veil hiding the lie of a pro-
bability of engagement at another interview. Yet she
was engaged,and danced herself into the good graces of all
afterwards, literally "walked," or rather danced., "in their
a ffectioc s" gloriously.
The " ieading lady," whom we wore fortunate enough
to engage, or unfortunate enough, for I for my part did
not coincide with the general opinion of the company—
performed her part satisfactorily enough ; and that was
not much to be wondered at, seeing that she contrived by
coaxing one, and wheedling Another, to get the original
altered so as to introduce every song and duet in which
she supposed herself excellent. It was in sheer despera-
tion that I sent the thing to prow; at last, and it is no
wonder " the unities" and all the rest of it were iu a sad
state of preservation. I never could "preserve the unities,"
for I never understood what they meant, and never dis-
covered the apprcvod preserving pickle.
The rehearsals ma Liao lxsot put of the thing ortaisily.