The Sun.
London, England, 1868-03-24 00:00:00

MARK TWAIN'S EULOGY OF TVOMA,V.

At the anniversary of the Washington Corre-
spondents' Club, Mr. Clemens, better known as
Mark Twain, responded to a toast, " Woman, the
pride of the professions and thejewel of ours." He said
—" Mr. President —I do notknow why I should have
been singled out to receive the greatest distinction
of the evening—for so the office of replying to the
toast to woman has been regarded in every age.
(Applause.) Ido not know why I have received
this distinction, unless it be that I am a trifle less
homely than the other members of the Club. But
be this as it may, Mr. President, I am proud of
the position, and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more gladly, or
laboured with a heartier goodwill to do the subject
justice, than I. Because, sir, I love the sex.
(Laughter.) I love all the women, sir, irrespective
of age or colour. (Laughter.) Human intelli-
gence cannot estimate what we owe to woman, sir.
She sews on our buttons—(laughter)—she mends
our clothes—(laughter)—she ropes us in at
the church fairs—she confides in us ; she tells
us whatever she can find out about the little
private affairs of the neighbours—she gives us
good advice and plenty of it—she gives a piece of
her mind, sometimes—and sometimes all of it—she
soothes our aching brows—she bears our children.
In all relations of life, sir, it is but a just and
graceful tribute to woman to say of her that she is
a brick. (Great laughter.) Wheresoever you place
a woman, sir—in whatsoever position of estate—
she is an ornament to that place she occupies, and
a treasure to the world. (Here Mr. Twain paused,
looked inquiringly at his bearers, and remarked
that the applause should come in at this point.
It came in. Mr. Twain resumed his eulogy.) Look
at the noble names of history ! Look at Cleopatra!
look at Desdemona ! Look at Florence Night-
ingale! Look at Joan of Arc! Look at Lucretia
Borgia. (Disapprobation expressed.) " Well,"
said Mr. Twain, scratching his head doubtfully,
" suppose we let Lucretia slide." Look at Joice
Heth I Look at Mother Eve ! I repeat it, sir, look
at the illustrious names of history ! Look at Widow
Mackree ! Look at Lucy Stone ! Look at Eliza-
beth Cady Stanton ! Look at George Francis
Train ! (Great laughter.) And, sir, I say with
bowed bead and deepest veneration, look at the
mother of Washington She raised a boy that
could not lie—could not lie! (Applause.) But he
never had any chance. It might have been different
with him if he had belonged to a newspaper corre-
spondents' club. (Laughter, groans, hisses, and
cries of " Put him out." Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited audience, and zesumed.)
I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a
woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure to
the world. As a sweetheart she has few equals, and
no superiors. (Laughter.) As a cousin she is con-
venient ; as a wealthy grandmother, with an incur-
able distemper, she is precious ; as a wet nurse, she
has no equal among men ! (Laughter.) What,
sir, would the people of this earth do without
women ? They would be scarce, sir. Then let us
cherish her—let us protect her— let us give her our
support, our encouragement, our sympathy—our-
selves, if we get a chance. (Laughter.) But, jest-
ing aside, Mr. President, woman is lovable, graci-
ous, kind of heart, beautiful—worthy of all respect,
of all deference. Not any here will refuse to drink
her health right cordially, for each and every OLIO
of us has personally known, and loved, and hon-
oured the very best of them all—his own mother !
(Applause.)

Mapp, the agricultural labourer, who murdered
a young girl at Longden, in Shropshire, in December
ast, was sentenced to death at the Shrewsbury assizes
yesterday.
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