The Sun.
London, England, 1867-04-03 00:00:00

Petition from Job Sass.

The following petition, extracted from the Bos-
ton Courier, is from the clever pen of the late
lamented Artemus Ward. No doubt many of our
readers have had cause to sympathise with Job
Sass :

TO THE GRATE & GINERAL KORT OF MASSA-.
CHUSITTS :

the undersined Respectfully represents to your
honorabel Bodies that whereas in or about The
Year 18 & 48 he bekum owner of 6 Sheers in the
Varmount central raleroad, havin pade Par vally
for the same,—
& whereas, Moreover, he (the sed undersined)
wouldn't Never have bot sed 6 sheers hadn't It
have bin sartin He wud git dividends on 'em every
par annum,—

but whareau, nevertheless, in or abowt The year
18 & 50 he see the sheers Was a fallin awey in
markit valley, & akordingly went Down to boston
for the purpose Of sellin out his sartifikate of Stock,
but was prevented from so doing by Ilearin a
humorous speech from the treasurer of The korpo-
rashun (wun mr Quincy), who sed the sheers was
too low, & wud soon rally, as the road was on the
high way to Prosperity & didn' never luke better,
& so on, (& et cettery,)—

& whereas, bein fond Of humor & like Talk, the
underlined lent a Listening ear tu the kajolery of
the sed quincy, & wus hoodwinked Thareby, and
faled to git rid of his sheers, & Acktooally was in-
duced tu parchase 6 more on 'em (bein partially
intoxikated, so To speek, with them " neat &
humorous Speeches" of sed Quincy,)—
& whareas, besides, the Undersined soon arter
read in wun uv the Reports of the direckturs of
the varmount central as How sed treasurer, at that
very Time was a borrowin muney out Of the kum-
pany's chist, tu make gude his own Parsonal
liabilities—for though a man of Most starlin integ-
rity and upriteness, it Seemed he wus owin large
Sums o' muney, and he had an idee the Sheerholders
of The konsarn mite as well pay orf His own
indiwiuooal debts as well as them wat was due
direckt Tu the Korperashun (more pertickilarly As
he hey in his sarvices as Treasurer, and didn't
charge no Salary,)
& whareas, konsequently, wen he (the Sed trea-
surer) Resined his sitooatiou he was owin the
kumpany 265 thousand Dollars of borrowed
muney, wich was never pade back, & wich was so
much Muney tuke rite out of my pockit, (that Is
tu say tu the extent i was a Sheer-holder—for
thare was uthers to Bare a porshun of the Loss, as
your honorabel bodies may konjeckture,)—
& whareas, By means of these & divers other
Stratagems wich i wunt now narrate tu Ye, but
awl of wich wud make Lively readin
(& gude study
for thort), the Treasurer aforesaid pretty Sune
fetched ruin & kaos on tu the hole konsarn, & wen
i tried tu markit orf my 12 Sheers,
a few months
arterwards, i was Larfed at, & telled tu go back tu
wallpole As fast as my legs could carry me—
So now, Tharfore, i, Job Sass, of wallpole, kounty
of norfolk, & State of massachusitts, do hereby
Petition your honorabel bodies that when, here-
arter, the Sed Mr. Quncy kums afore ye tu hoax
and wheedle ye inter purchasin the grate western
and wooster ralerodes, some wun of Yer ax him a
few questions konsarnin The varmount central,
&, wile his Mind is well refreshed by them sort
o' reminiscences, ax him further if he Raly
thinks he is jist the parson Tu gin advice &
kownscl in the Management of ralerode lines ;—ax
him If he raly believes he knows more than Eny
uther man, or eny sett o' men, konsarnin wat's best
For boston & the State o' massachusitts, ax him, in
fina, " are you the rite man, in the Rite Place ?" (i
reckon he'll acknowledge beat, and Step down
from the witness Stand with konsiderabel alackrity.)
gentlemen of the Gineral kort, the foregoin is
submitted tu ye In the full belief I shall git a fair &
Manly hearin. i haint no Parsonal motive of self-
interest tu bee Governed by ;—wat i ax of ye is for
the public Gude. neither du I want tu see mr
Quincy borne down with the konsciousness That
he has bin the death of more than wun Grate rale-
road. in the graffick words o'Skripter—" Sufficient
unto his Dey, has bin the Evil thareof."

your humble &
obedient Sarvent,
JOB SASS.

post Skript. if so bee eny on ye Don't skeercely
know who i am, & want to ax About my antece-
dents, & status, & such like, i Refer ye to mr Repre-
sentative Bird, my feller townsman, and bosom
friend. wat he dont know of me, wudn't bee wurth
listenin To, if i may so express Myself. he kan re-
peat my hole history, word for word, may it please
your honorabel Bodies.

J. S.

Mr. Sydney Howard Gay, formerly managing
editor of The Tribune, is said to be preparing a life of
Horacer Greeley.
The people of Pitts county, North Carolina, re-
.ently compelled the sheriff to burn up all his writs and
They aro wholly destitute, unable to pay,
and unwilling to be ejected from their homes on legal
process. The Legislature has passed a bill granting a
stay of tiTelYe MOUthi bathe collection of debts.