The Sun.
London, England, 1851-08-20 00:00:00

MANAGEMENT OF LOVE AFFAIRS.

I've heard folk say that the wimmin was contrary.
Well, they is a leetle so ; but, if you manage 'em
right—haul in here, and let 'em out there—you can
drive 'em along without whip or spur, just which way
you want 'em to go.
When I lived at Elton, there was a good many
fast-rate gals down there, but I didn't take a likia' to
any of 'em till 'Squire Cummins cum down there to
live. The 'Squire had a mighty party darter. If a
fellow seed her once, he couldn't look at another for a
weak. I talc a likin' to her rite off, and we got as
thick as thieyes. We used to go to the same
meetin', end set in the same pew. It took me to
find saws and hims for her : and we'd swell 'em
out in a manner shockin' to hardened sinners ;
and then we'd mosey homo together, while the
gals and fellers kept a looking on as though they'd
like to mix in. I'd always stay to supper; and the
way she could make injin cakes, and the way I could
slick 'em with merlasses and put 'em away, was
nothin' to nobody. She was dreadful civil, tew,
always gettin' sornethin' nice for me. I was up to
the huh in love, and was goin' into it like a locomo-
tive. Well, things went on in this way for a spell,
till she had me tight enuff. Then she began to show
off kinder independent. When I'd go to the meetin'
there was no room in the pew ; then she'd streak off
with another chap, and leave me sucking my fingers
at the door. Instead of stickin' to me as she used to
do, she got to cuttin' around with the other fellers,
just as if she cared nothin' about me no more—none
whatever.
I got considerably riled, and thot I might as well
cum to the end of it at once ; so down I went to
have it out with her. There was a hull grist of fellers
there. They seemed mighty quiet till I went in ;
then she'd got to talkin' all sorts of nonsense, and sad
nothin' to me. I tried to keep my dander down. I
kept raevin' about as if I had a pin in my trowsers.
I sweat as if I had been tbrashin.' I couldn't stand it,
so I cleared out as quickly as I could, for I seed 'twas
no use to say nothin' to her.
I went straight to bed, and thot the matter over a
spell. Thinks I, that gal is just tryin' of me ; 'taint
no use of our playin possum. I'll take the kink out
of her. If I don't fetch her out of that high grass,
use me for sausage-meat.
I heard tell of a boy wonce that got to skewl late
in the mornin'. The master sez—
" you sleepin' critter, what has kept you so late ?
why," sez the boy, "its so everlastia' slippery
out, I couldn't get along no how; every step I took
forward I went two steps backward ; and I couldn't
have got here at all if I hadn't turned back to go
t'other way."
Now, that's just my case. I've been puttin' after
that gal a considerable time. Now, thinks I, I'll go
t'other way. She's been slitein' of me, and now I'll
elite her. What's sass for the goose is sass for the
gander.
Well, I went no more to Nancy's. Next Sabbath
day
I slicked myself up, and I do say, when I got my
Buns on, I took the shine off any specimen of human
nature in our part.
About rneetin' time, off I put to Elthum Dodge's.
Patience Dodge was as nice a gal as you'd see twist
here and yondeNance. Ep'araca
yonder any more than she wasn't just like
Massey was used to go and see her.
Well, I went ttv' ee tin' with Patience, and sat right
afore Nancy; I
n tsetmy eyes on her till after meet-
in'. I kept my eye ,
on Nance arter meetin', and seed
jumpie,' r
how the cat was she didn't cut about like
she bad, and looked solemnly;rath.e
kept it up till I was
like to have got in a mess about Patience. The critter
thot I was goin arter her for good, and got as proud
as a lame turkey.
Ephe came down to our pl One day ace, °akin' as
wrathy as a militia officer on a trainin' aiy.
" Helloa sez 1, " what's broke?"
sez lie, "I came down to have satisfaction
about Patience Dodge. Here l've been courtiu' her
ever since last year, and she w'ss„ just as good as mine
till you came a going after her.
" Why," sez I, " what on Birth are you talkin'
about ? I aint got nothin' to do with your gal : but
'spose I had, therg's notbin' for y,ou to get wolfy
about. If the girl bits taken a likin to me, 'taint my
fault ; and if I have taken a likin' to her, 'taint her
fault ; and if we have taken a likin' to each other,
'taint your fault. I aint so taken with her, and you
ukas act her for all me; so you hadn't ought to got
wits about nothin'."