The Sun.
London, England, 1840-09-12 00:00:00

THE SUN, LONDON, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 1840.

KILRUSH PETTY SESSIONS.

" Valuator.—One who appraises, or sets a certain value on
any article."— The Dictionary.
.To say that Molly Russell and Kitty Carty were
friends were but a " cold reality." The mutual attach-
ment of Castor and Pollux, Pylades and Orestes (the
latter a Milesian), " paled their ineffectual fires" before
the friendship of the above-named matrons. They were
in short—

" Twin cherries on one stalk,"
fellow-lodgers, fellow tea-drinkers, beautiful exceedingly
was their attachment ; and yet, alas for earth-born ties I
a pair of bellows, a blanket, and a tin porringer, tore
rudely asunder the ethereal and silvery woof of friend-
ship. Altercation ended in warfare ; and the ladies,
having first pommelled each other, turned to, and
" with a will " belaboured Neddy Brennan, a little bald,
deaf tailor, who had rashly enacted arbiter between them.
Alter the direct and cross-fire of assertion and denial
on the ladies' part in some measure subsided, Neddy
Brennan got, what he had repeatedly solicited, " a turn
at the book," and a highly ludicrous scene was the re-
sult. The crier's rapidly-given prelude appeared to be
all Sanscrit to snip. "Eh ? what whole truth ?" he
said, with a bewildered stare, "to sware is id ? Deth
alive spake out ; is it a quinsey you have, man dear ?
spake out if you plaze," and he twisted his shining
caput about, pushing his ear forward, and looking needle-
points at Mrs. Russell and Kitty Carty.
Magistrate—You were chosen to divide the furni-
ture and utensils those persons had in common ?
" Eh, your honor, common is id ?" returned Ned.
" See here, whisper hether, I'm a thrifle hard o'
hearin' ; see here, be this book ov I was as common as
the handle ova pump I cooldn't get worse usage. Oh!
my dear life or you only seen the chuck I got as I was
lovin' the room, right into the poll, down stairs id out
techin a single step to the very bottom ; and that I
mighn't see the Queen of Glory but 'twas Moll Russell
gee me the pitch."—(Laughter.) It was at length
elicited from the deaf 'un, that the ladies, mutually
displeased with his awards, had repaid his labour with a
summary ejection. Kitty Carty undertook to explain.
We pail Is 8d a week each, yer worship—an'—
an'—(affecting to mizzle) we wor as lovin' as two
women could be, till—till we differed in respect ov
an argument about—" " Here, don't mind the
argumint," interposed the crier, with a look of Buzfuz-
zian importance. " Well, Sir," continued Kitty, "we
agreed to separate for good an' all, an' havin' a few
articles in common between uz we differed in the di-
vide, till Ned Brennan intherfered, an' be gor,' says
he, ' I'll do like the sailors whin they're short taken, an'
sharin' their • eatables'—so he turnt his back, an' the
things wor ranged out. Who'll take this ?' says Molly
Russell, putting her hand on the bellis—' Yourself,
then,' says he—' The d—l blow you,' says she—(A
laugh.) Arra, the dickons sind you betther,' was his
remark, see what a fine pipe it has.' Who'll take
this ?' says Molly again, toching the blanket, Stop a
bit,' says he, considerin' ; Kitty Carty 'lt take it,' says
he, at last. Well, she grew as black as midnight, an'
changing her finger from the article, handed me the tin
porringer as a prastitute for the blanket."—( Laughter.)
" Which, of course, you refused, and then the row
commenced,"observed his Worship.
Molly—" Oh ! azy awhile Sir, an' hear the widdyed
mother o' four childer, an' one ov 'em only three years ;"
and, so saying, Mrs. Russell held up a bunch of hair
fully sufficient to-attaff a piano-stool.
Ned Brennaujoughed long and loud at this evidence
of mal-treatment.
" Be the powers of Anthrim," he said jocularly, " I
was in look, that %wasn't any advantage they could get
o' me in that line. Fakes, that was no child's play.
See my dear life an' sowl what a guvvawl (handful) she
lost of id. Ha ! ha! let 'em ketch me in like manner."
" Maybe, there was no violince in that tech ov e fat,
gintlemen," exclaimed Kitty Carty, and she held up a
small circular tin canister, which had been stowed away,
in some receptacle on her hip, and now looked bruised,
as though it bad been trodden upon.

Molly—" Be all the books in a bishop's house, 'twas
the tailor gev her a kick in the pocket."
The " ladies twain" were ultimately bound to the
peace, and Neddy Brennan received Is. 6d. as a salve
for the Cog down stairs. He took it with a congee,
and a candid admission that he trusted neither of his
ungrateful acquaintances would ever " crack cry till
they got a hidiu' they'd never forget."