The National Register.
London, England, 1822-12-02 00:00:00

THE.' HOUSEKEEPER.

(Film tie Mussenn.)
Home has well remarked that every thing belonging
to a vain man is the best alt t is any where to be found ;
his houses, equipage, lurnitnre, fltc. excel all others.—
Isis wine is the best that can possibly be drank ;--his
horses, dogs, and Servants are matchless. Does he
change his situation voluntarily I The change is always
for the bent r. Is he apivitard to fill any office I That
office is themost Important and eligible that can be held.
, Every thing goes well with him. Its short, your vain
man is your trite optimist; he is in tile best of all pos-
. aible states, in this best of all possible %otitis.
When any change Sit the situation of a man of this
kind occurs, im as to throw him into a new light. and
make him fancy litnisell invested with a new character,
Itts increase of sell.conseqnetice is beyond measure lu-
dicrous. He is like a boy just lereectied. a young girl an
a new gown, a young lawyer in a new wig, a magpie
with his red boots, a recently cleard knight of the Go-
elphic order, or any thing clse that you can conceive
superlatively ridiculous ;—tie is all pucker, fume, and
fudge;—he wraps himself up in mysterious majesty.
and dignity ineffable and unintelligible.
My worthy .rientl. Mull liaise, was exactly a man of
this character. Every one who knew Mutt could tell
. the exact state of his citcanlstances by his looks and
manners. His face was a batons: ter by which you might
always measure the lc mperature 01 his pocket. As the
latter was high or low, so was the former. His coon-
. teiiance rose tie fell as his purse waxed {lglu or heavy,
though to do bins justste, as long as lie had a farthing,
his assurance never fell below Z:ro.
-Any change fur the better, ill Alun's circumstances,
always threw him up an aim...siting number uts
A pair of new boots in .tie him look three incites taller,
though the heel was:es flat as a pancake. At one time,
when linen was rasher a desideratum in his wardrobe, a
• clean sisin wasofien wish his: tic pfUXIIIIaIe cause of no
small inflation. 1-1:. 11CC/Ille es starched and
stiff as h.s olli.r, lint eratits..!iy relaxed as the collar
grew more bosh. • 7 o s..ts .tins take a hackney coach
seas a big!, scene. .1 hr 1111:4 roll! summons to the
coacs man, the pus-evil nos and autisoritative direction,
the mock digitc wills whir., be ell-t red the coach, nit
popping of Isis :semi nut of,,lie window, and stopping
. the tinter under some fr;volous pretext, and filially his
pompous are••:atiais ton, itisig the late—sall this was
calf xl. Ecru Sit Ins low.st. circumetances Muss pte-
served satsni (kg', e ft' cotisequence ; but this colt-
quence he or as:oaal.y encattinteted souse severe
and rude sbocks. 7 iie eta r of his exchequer osier ren-
dered it ex:le:heist ti.at tie aimujil occupy the most classic
aparimein of a domicile w a remelt situanott. lie
tirade a fuitlii r franc ion n. pis exptlithiure, by abolish-
Ang the office o; was:.erwrinsan in his establishment.
(almost a sitmeitrs), and perf.irming the dunes of that
post liiiiireff. Otte day win.. hi^ was thus engaged on
a shirt, the stel.cati state of whim rendered its ablution
nearly as ittificts!i a per( :nice as the unrolling of an
lierculanests inaisuscrip:, be cast his eyes upwards, and
beheld, dieresis user inc head, his young mistress sur-
veying attentively, slirougl. the sky-light, the whole of
this ingenious opt ration. It is easier to conceive than
to describe his cmilosion. The soap dropped (ruin his
benumbed band, and, as lie afterwards confessed to a
confidential foetid, he limpid himself sisterly incapable
of wringing out the chemise I
Brighter clays, however, awaited Alun. Ile was a
gooti•kruking fellow, and his manners amongst w 111 l en
were rather prepossessing. A widow fell in love with
hilts. She was, to be sure old enough to be his mother,
tall ..s a poplar, sofas a ramrod, and thin as a i p-
handle. The young anatomist would have found in her
considerable facilities for the prosecution of his study.—
Without removusg the cells, he might. by the inspec-
tion of such a subject, have acquanited himself with
almost the entire of osteology. Add to theii, that she
was an old coquette, and as lull of affectation, pomp, and
vanity, as NI sin Il i 11l sel. But then she hail 3001. a year,
and this to Mun was the wealth of Cicesus.

Mun now shot qp most prodigiously. Though in
corporal measurement he was but five feet five inches
awl a half,' in soul he was thirty feet high.' I doubt
notch whether, lor six weeks after his marriage, he
would have given the wall to the slowest of the Grena-
dier Guards. Nothing WAS to be heard from him now,
but • My wife, Mrs. B." 96t estate,' bank debentures,'
stock,' Jife annuity,' BEr:. •in short, his sell-import.
aIICC becameso excessive, that we all thought it could
admit of no further increase. The event, however,
proved that we were mistaken.

In the course of his rambles our day his evil genius
direc:ed his steps to a certain street in Westminster.—
Here he saw a home to be let furnished.' 11.• imme-
diately pops in, and enquires the tent, which was 2801.
per annum. He galloped over the whole house, from
cellar to cocklult, and trout cockloft down again to the
cellar. He poked his nose into etery hole and corner.
gave a learned di.sertation on fixtures and aspects, talked
of his own isnme.nse landed property, his wife's tremen-
dous fortune in die funds, the %as( antiquity of his
fatuity, his own intimate connection with men of the
highest rank, and coneluded with a peroration on gas,
,aspiorhicts. and dumb waiters. He left the landlady
Willi the impression that he was a mous:rout clever man,
as rich as Rothschild, and if nut a Loot, at the very least
a Baronet.

As Mutt walked home lie occupied himsclf with re.
Lcting profoundly on the sast increase of consequence
that would accrue to him, from being a housekeeper.-
1 lie result of his nwchtations was, that a houseeper he
wat determined to be by hook or by crook. IVheti Mun
irturned.lionie, lie communicated his project to Madan,
Jilaise--etilarged out the importance conferred by the
character of a houstkeeper. The rent, my love, said
hr,' is 2801. ; we can let the lodgings, our being house.
keo.pr rs will give us unlimited credit, and we may un-
questionably manage matters so as to increase our in-
ct tme, and imoke an addition to our pocket-money.' To
all this ❑u:hvn; could Lao opposed; Madam 1./ :tie* ac-