The Express.
London, England, 1857-12-18 00:00:00

PUNCH'S ALMANACS FOR 1868.

This morning Punch's renowned and ever wel-
come Almanark was loaned—rich in seasonable
jokes, but infinitely richer in humourous illustrations.
We take ono of the good things in the letter-
press :
THE PLEASANT LETTER•WRITER.
1•1111•11 T.
_ From • Schoolmmator to tM Talbot of a Pupil.

Dear Sir,l lam happy to apprise you that yoUr son ar-
rival at Ttckletoby ICogee yesterday, in safety, having met
with no worse casualty Una a par of black eyes, end (Mr.
&Hosier apprehends) a broken aose, received from some
pipits, who took advantage
_of lie persisting in getting off
Hui coach to pelt snowballs at the driver; and, haling
kmoskal him down, robbed him of his fur coat and now
watch. The two latter articles shall be replaced by respect-
able tradesmen in the nest town, who will send you Hair
Mn.. I ern less happy in mentioning that your eon did not
bring with him the promiaod cheque for loot quarter's school-
keg, bat it may have been in the pocket of the stolen coat.
Placa to end another by return of poet. I gave him a memo-
lellehlak Of • Iry hooks necessary for his studies, hoping you
would promo these to London. ha this has been forgotten,
Ibsen supplied theta. They consist of Alison's History;
it=fejlestia," the 11BMA Foals," Valpy's "Dolphin
Ike. add and I have also dried a pair of globes.
he.,
HOMO. . DION MVO Ow, Y.A.
M.S. The nose 1. Onion.
Pasattaay.
From a Voting Gentlemen to his Lady
ldy dear Isabella—l really wish that you would not bother
aboitt • Valentine, and be always going on about husband'
and wives, ad what we will do when we are settled; ben
muse it I. all nonsense, and you know very well that thins
is nothing in it; and you make folks talk, and then one looks
like a fool. My dear Isabella, It assail very well when we
win young, but I am pest twelve now, and you are near
Ma, sod I think you ought to give over. Aa for the hard-
bake and little scent-bottle, I did give them to Jane B =
end, I suppose, I may do what I like with my own t
Ml. Impertinent Isabella—Your affectionate Cousin,
Bt. Valentine's Day. C saute WlO OLIV.

Matra.
From a Lady to her Husband.
Ladybird Lodge, Kent
. .

Dom Edwin,—We got down sofelj, me, the 'children,
nurse, and Sumac, though I soy again, am I said at {Aran,
that your putting us .11 into a first•close rompartmetit end
telegraphing fora carriage to wait for on at this station and
bring us hare, wee woMmf, sad any of Air husband would
hale escorted oa down. Boded* is always ready to be la a
wife's way when eh* requires the least attention. Dearest
Mamma and Popo wore rejoiced to me me, but think I look
worn and troubled, and well I may, but it le piedmont at We
to And immamly who care's to hear of one's grievances
Writa by return of past, for I gave my purse with all my
money in it ;to baby to play with, and darling Tootums
moat have dropped it out of window, which was your limit
in sot coming and taking care of much things yourself.
Hasidim, I Rai the children all want new things to go about
in. Don't forget.—Your affectionate wile,
Edwin Brown, Mai. Asoutsa.
PAL I forgot to 44 you I wee obliged to give the coda
and tales money to Mine Stichley (dressmaker), she wanted
it, poor thing.

AratL.
From a Faller to lila Bon.

My dear ilassust-4.117.4 esomeed your letter, In which you
say that ell this C (r nelegani t equivalent for Pupils)
en
going home for Kart holidays, and that you hops I
stall fetch yes es Thursday. lam sorry that you do not
better epprecisto the advearges of the place when I have
put you, mad this childish reetlemneas by no means deserves
to be rewerded by the holidays you desire. You ought to be
glad to remoin `the delightful uuict of liirchington, end in
Me abeam drew yeeeg compress. to make up, undis-
turbed, some sf your drAebnciao, which were painfully
nal at Christmas, mpacially your Ignorance of hydridios
sad kydreirrice. You remember, too, that you could not,
at diner, give the dale of the death of Sorrows. I have
already add enough to make you undentand that you will
not into,. for the Easter holidays, but not entirely to dissp-
point you, I send yen Outline@ of Early Polynesian Dia-
carry," and it will prim me to find, at Midsummer, that
you rye mastered them: Your affectiosats Father,
Moir James Grinder. Ontirs GILISPML
MAY.
From a Pica' Attorney to his Worldly Clerk.
Tuesday, May 26.
My dear William,—l am truly sorry to Sr that you
me obliged to sot my leave to abort yourself from your
der to-morrow, Medina:lay, that, ea you put it, you may
W upon the sofa, and nurse the lag you speared so rowdy.
Do so, my der young friend, by all ram. I should be a
hard man, inder, did I wish you to come out under ouch
dearer:icon. Nay, I so µpredate the Wisdoms with
which you or this indulgence, sad I am so averse to
making you feel any ihligatios, that I will come to you
with the Abstract of Title to the Ifiseggles state, and spend
the day in grad through it with yea se you lie on your
cot.. Wean afford theirs as It seems there in a great
race at Erma, sad our converser( counsel is going, so he
could not me um to-morrow. I berme it is called the Derby.
You end I will be well out of such snare and follies. I
will be with you by twin.—Youre riot rely,
Win. O'Gara= adsedy, Bq. ZACLIART Data.
Jona.
Frost s Nuebend to Ms Wife.
- - - - -

London Bridge Station, 7.45,
Bear Angelina—l find that bunter [oaken it absolutely
netteseary that I should run over to Paris, end I do not know
how long it may detain me. I therefore write, first, that you
may not be surprised at my not coming home to-night, end
cant to my that I think you had better give op any ides of
the Continent this year, and go quietly to liroaisteas. We
could not take the children, end I cannot bear the idea of
leaving them, I elven of your leaving thou,. Besides your
health Is far from good, end I fear that travel might knock
you op. So I hare written to • man at Broadsteirs to some
• house for you, and you as go when you like. My ambler
hema cheque which he will seed you tomorrow, sad the
suns every Saturday till I return. Kies the 646131m0 foe
their affectionate fat, EDWIS.
Mrs. Brown.

Fir It setlits gourd while one Is so near Mont Blame
and Naplee not to see them. I shall therefore run 00. Yon
can go and hear Albert Smith's lecture, which 1 dare ear Is
Quite as pleasant as the real thing, and we can compare notes
hereafter.

JULY.

From a Secrerary of the Trees urytn a Member of Parliament.
House of Commons Library.
Dear Sir,—Lord I'. has handed me your letter, in which
state to him that the erosion is neerly over, end that you.
hereriven boi lordship constant, but discriminating support,
and that your marine deems. recompense In the form of
Fir?.
' " • ' - .

bet{ to stale, In reply, that your first propoeition is the
only one upon which boo Majesty's government have the
dietinguisbed honour of agreeing with you; and I have the
individual honour of remaining, dear sir, rears faithfully,
V. Voeks, Seq., M.P. W. Q. MATTEL

At °LIT.
From a Tradesman to a Customer.

- -
recommend you to countermand the paaspmt which
you ordered this motag in the Strand. You mil remem-
bee that I have Jadpesat against you for 1191. 16s. 3d., for
a till extending over lee yam, and I have no intention of
permitting you to enjoy yourself on the Continent., while
from your neglecting to pay me, I am obliged to send Mrs.
Oubbleby and my children to Gravesend instead of giving
them a holiday at Boulogne. You will remain in London,
oh., during the autumn, and if you attempt to move I will at
ones have you taken in execution. You may think to made
O"
but you will hardly are to go without wardrobe and
dressing-cam, and I may as well mention that our new
valet, whose pure Italian you admire so much, lea young
gentleman who has a brother named Levi Moms, in the em-
ploy of the Sherif of Middlesex.—l am, deer Sir Liabed,
yours respectfully, BAINAB4B
Sir Liabed Itattleciah, Bart.

Bier W eon.
From a Young Indy to • Young Guardsman.
Bademßadett.
Dear henry,—lt was very unkind and imprudent of you
to artful to me, and remind me of a promise, which if I ever
gave it at ell, was given ins thoughtless manlier, and not
intended to be brought against me in s gravu way, es you
hare thought proper to do. But whether I made It or not,
I now redeem it by writing. You will be Fled to hear that
we are enjoying etueelvea esceseively in thin most delightful
of ell pay planes, and that we find the most charming
society, end indeed I know of nothing that could make the
•IMITSIIO6 more pi;rfect. Is a few days we go on to Italy.
Pray do not think of answering this note, es anything you
may want tossy will keep until we meet somewhere neat
yew, se- vary likely we may.—Yours sincerely,
A . APPHODIL.
Pit Moms has changed my mod fur one in her own
nomadism

Ton will whops see an announcement in the
aim* that that mill hamlet you. The Count is the
basissaag Catholic in Europe.

Ocroasa.
From • Solicitor to hie Noble Client.

Laski s ine-fields.
arzeiDser Lord,—As I may sot he took from my little
amiss visa yew lordship fIgOZUJ hem the
C.l.olim Ima this Mahe le swat your snivel It is ably
ser,di I do with Nose nivst, thst la tits sight al tits
bitisisehastriessawmessiss, Parksills Codeoresbessed
Iha=l". The tang Ph* 'hisses tad 'WWII'S
; but word teas of wise wets =Tel
ham the edam, but amok by the possatry who eons es
The =
td sass waksown, vela Is origlasted with
L bartastqar, who wet slaying with bar
mother, 1111141iii-1014 insistad in teethes Wien ism mid-
i ens oohs is the ion, theasti snood times wooed spied
the mob* Yoe win lie km to bara thst se ITU Win