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Barney

Nice. You ladies look good, but your outfits are missing just one thing.

Robin

No, Barney, this is as far as we're going to go. I'm not showing anymore...

Barney

Two beautiful flowers for two beautiful flowers.

Lily

Aw. Sweet. Thank you.

Barney

Oh, Robin, are you tearing up?

Robin

No. I've never been to prom before, okay?

Lily

We got to go. See ya.

Ted

Bye, have fun. See you.

Marshall

They grow up into skanks so fast, don't they, Ted?

Ted

So, what, we ready for tonight?

Marshall

Yeah. Just one thing we got to do first.

Ted

Shot of Jim Beam?

Marshall

Yeah.

Ted

Yes!

Marshall

And then I promised Lily that we'd stuff 200 wedding invitations.

Ted

What?!

Marshall

I'm sorry, dude, but you saw how stressed out she is.

Ted

Come on! You've been doing wedding stuff nonstop. Take a break. Once you're married, if we go out and you get so drunk you throw up, it'll be sad, but if we do it tonight... it'll be less sad.

Marshall

Okay, it'll be cool-- I'll tell you what. We'll make a game out of it. First one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize.

Ted

Do I look like I'm four? All right, what kind of prize are we talking?

Lily

Wow, a lot more security than when we were kids.

Robin

Is this gonna work?

Lily

Yeah. Look, when I was 17, I used to sneak into clubs all the time. It's all about confidence. Follow me. Whee-hoo! Happy prom, everybody. Going to prom-- whee-hoo!

Security guard

Uh, you're adults.

Lily

Okay, bye. Okay, look, I just need to see the band. I'm getting married in two months, and...

Security guard

And you're just finding a band?

Barney

Hey, ho, hey!

Security guard

I'm sorry, ma'am. You either need to be a student or the date of a student.

Lily

Wow. "Ma'am?" Check and mate.

Barney

It's cool. Time to activate plan B. Scherbotsky, how comfortable are you with a crossbow? Scherbotsky?

Robin

Hey, guys. Do you want to take two hot girls to prom?

Boy

We don't have that kind of money.

Robin

For free.

Boy

Oh, hell yeah!

Robin

Great. I'm Robin, this is my friend Lily.

Lily

Hi. Shall we?

Boy

Sure. I knew it would happen. This is the dream.

Robin

Oh, hey, wait. How's Barney getting in?

Barney

Don't worry about me. I'll get in. Oh... I'll get in.

Lily

We're in!

Singer

Thank you. We're going to take a break.

Lily

Oh, you're kidding me.

Boy #1

Hey, uh, you ladies want something to take the edge off?

Robin

Yeah, what the hell? It's prom. That tastes like cough syrup.

Boy #1

Yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. Um, our fake IDs say we're only 20. We didn't realize it till after we bought them.

Robin

Nerds who aren't good at math? Life's going to be rough, boys.

Lily

Hi. Excuse me. I was wondering if you guys could play "Good Feeling" by the Violent Femmes. I know it's probably not in your repertoire, but I'm getting married and my fiancé wants to hire you guys as the band, but I can't sign off on it until I hear you play "Good Feeling" because that's our song, and what kind of wedding band would you be if you couldn't play our song, right? Right?

Man

Look, I'm kinda wasted right now, so I didn't understand any of that. But, uh, if you get us the sheet music, we'll play your song.

Boy #1

So, you buzzing, baby?

Robin

My phlegm feels looser.

Ted

This is pathetic. It's guys' night. We should be out in a bar getting in fights. If I got in a fight, would you have my back?

Marshall

You know it.

Ted

I'd have your back, too.

Marshall

That's cool.

Ted

What, you don't think you'd need my help? You don't know what I can do. I'm like... like a berserker.

Marshall

Okay, Ted. (His phone starts rigging) Hello.

Robin

Hey, it's Robin. Um, Lily needs you to download the sheet music for "Good Feeling" and bring it out here, like, now.

Marshall

Hang on. It's Robin. She wants me to go to prom. Can Ted come?

Ted

Wait! Don't ask! That's so lame! I don't even want to go anyway.

Robin

Uh, I don't know. Things have been so weird between us.

Ted

What'd she say? What'd she say?

Robin

He lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me. I mean, I know he apologized for it but it's just, it's not easy to forgive. Look, if you absolutely must bring Ted, it's, it's not like I'm going to claw my own eyes out if he comes.

Marshall

Okay, bye. She totally wants you to come.

Robin

All right, sheet music's on the way. Are you okay?

Lily

There's just so much to do for this wedding. My head is swirling. It's just all moving too fast.

Scooter

How is it moving too fast? We've been together for two years.

Lily

I just... I just don't want everything in my life to be decided already.

Scooter

What's decided? I go to umpire school, you go to college. We move into my dad's house in Staten Island. We have kids, we grow old together. What's decided? It's wide open!

Lily

Scooter, when I go off to college, that's the end for us.

Scooter

You're, you're breaking up with me?

Lily

There's still so much I want to do. I want to travel, live overseas as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship. Plus, I think I was just dating you 'cause you look a little bit like Kurt Cobain.

Scooter

I can't believe this. I can change. I can look more like Kurt Cobain. Please, just don't leave me. I'm nothing without you, baby.

Lily

Please don't put that kind of pressure on me! It's too much!

Boy #2

It's just one dance, God!

Lily

What?

Robin

Well, we did promise them one dance.

Lily

Yeah, sure, okay. So Andrew, what's your big plan? What's life going to be like after tonight?

Andrew

Well, you know I got it all worked out. Uh, leave this place in my dust, four awesome years at college, and then I'll move to Prague or start my own video game company or something.

Lily

No, you won't.

Andrew

I won't?

Lily

No, you won't accomplish anything you set out to. You'll get a girlfriend the first day of college and you'll give up your independence and you'll never live abroad and you'll wind up old before your time wondering "Whatever happened to my hopes and my dreams?"

Andrew

Whoa. You really think I'll get a girlfriend?

Boy #1

So, uh, what's the deal here? Am I getting lucky tonight?

Robin

Oh, Sean, look, um, you're a nice guy, but I just don't... No, you're not getting lucky tonight.

Giant Turtle

Okay, just be cool. Don't look at me.

Ted

Okay.

Giant Turtle

How'd you get in here?

Marshall

What's it to you, giant turtle?

Giant Turtle

It's me, Barney.

Marshall

Oh, hey. Where's Lily?

Barney

She's in the bathroom.

Marshall

Wait here, I should go talk to the band.

Ted

All right.

Barney

How did you guys get in here?

Ted

We just snuck in the back.

Barney

You just snu... Are you serious? I've been trying to get in here all night. I finally paid a janitor 200 bucks to let me borrow this mascot costume.

Ted

But you got in. Slow and steady won the race.

Marshall

Hey, bro, have you seen my fiancée Lily?

Andrew

Your fiancée? Whoa, tonight she's with me, bro. Unless you're looking for trouble.

Marshall

Listen, little buddy, I understand it's prom and the adrenaline's pumping, but...