Datasets:

Weason30217

/

r2

like 0

Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV.

Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!

The little girl!

Huh?

Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty.

Ohhhh!

Holy crap, Morty. He can travel through dreams. He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!

You will walk when it is time to walk.

What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-

We're trying to incept me to get an \"A\" in math?

Oh, yeah.

You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!

Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding.

But that's the opposite of what-

Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?

Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick.

Worst-case scenario we're back to running.

Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking.

Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while.

You can run But you can't hide!

Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move.

Yeah, I know, I know. I shouldn't take my anger out on you or Scary Brandon. I love you, Melissa.

Morty, this is perfect. After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep and then we'll incept him.

Oh, uh, um ... \"Bitch.\"

Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?

You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg.

You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip.

If you guys ever need anything, just say the word.

As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with.

What the hell?

Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?

Oh, man, what's going on?

Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty.

This is why I choose to get C's.

Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer.

- Dad! - Rick!

If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it.

It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?

Bad person. Bad.

Ooh, great plan, Jerry.

Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead!

No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.

What?

It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.

But I-it's been like a whole year!

It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like \"Inception,\" Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie.

Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.

No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.

Aw, man, geez! Seriously?

Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.

Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?

Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.

What?!

It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg.

Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick.

I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven.

You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick.

What do you know, Morty? What do you know?

Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought...

I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me.

I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE.

Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.

My marriage is fine, thank you.

Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.

Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that.

Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call \"love\" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.

Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom.

Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great.

Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something?

Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver.

YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once?

You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?

Oh well, okay...

A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones.

Oww!

Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?

Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?

Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.

A competent one.

Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing.

Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean?

It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.

Wait a minute, what?

And away we go!

Uh, did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?

Shhh, Morty!

...A THING OR TWO ABOUT... wait, what? Was the house...? When we pulled up I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.

Negative visualization, Jerry. It explains a lot about where you're at. Hi, sweety.

Yeah, we missed you so much. Too much to hug you though.

Yeah it would literally destroy them. Now listen, why do—why do—why—why don't you guys go get a free sunday ice cream, go out there and get some ice creams. Here's five hundred dollars cash in unmarked moneys. I'm just gonna put it on the floor and uh, kick it on over to ya. You guys go nuts.

Oh!

Uh oh.

Phew...

Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. Oh you agree, huh? You like that Red Grin Grumble reference? Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep.

God, I feel terrible.

Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!

Yeah huh!

Actually, sorry Summer, I gotta back the M bomb on this one. I remember the conversation. We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies, your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.

You shut up!

Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?

Wait, what am I saying?

Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?

Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go!

Huh, what do you know, it's working

Whoa, ow, ow.

Oh shit.

Exactly, because you're being obstinate.

Yes, we're back, problem solved.

Yeah, now keep those collars on so you don't break your weak ass time again.

How long exactly do we have to wear these things? They're really embarassing.

You stole a time freezing crystal from testical monsters?

I would have been happy to pay for it, Summer, but they don't exactly sell them at Costco. Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him!

You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up.

What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you?

You really think I'm that stupid?

Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, including turning around to look behind you.

I cannot argue that.

Ah, God, gross and weird!

You killed my gun!

Summer, Morty, take off your collars!

What? What the hell are you doing?

Good question. I suppose the answer is

Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right.

You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that.

I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything.

Yeah.

But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think.

Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit.

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

No it doesn't. It hurts.

Jerry, get a job.

Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job.

Gross, what is that thing?

Ughhhh belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?

What? I do, I squanch my family.

Oh boy. Time to go, Morty.

Uhh, where?

The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. The lame one, here on Earth.

Dad, what do you know about this?

Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.

Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass!

Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes!

Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery.

My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty.

Hey.

I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song.

All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream?

You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.

Dear God.

Good luck, Mr. President.

Sanchez! Are you a musician?

I dabble, Mr. President.

Rick, are you really a musician?

Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?

Me!

Yeah, not with that attitude.

Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone.

All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?

Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here!

Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat!

Oh man, ok, all right, um…

Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty

It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what.

Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops

Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working!

Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here

Listen! The storm is stopping!

Hey, take your pants off It’s schwifty time today

What the hell happened?

I think planet Earth has just been transported.

WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray.

Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead.

Like we’re not already under enough pressure!

Geez, Morty. The guy’s just doing his job. Take it easy.

Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song!

Genius happens in the moment, Morty.

Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose?

That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. Balls.

What?!

Yeah, you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities, Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.

Stop saying it like it’s a thing! You made it up!

Hey, Morty! Could you lick my…

Aw, damn. We’re out of original flavor Fig Newtons. I should get going anyway.

Wait, wait, wait! Come on, h-hold on a second!

That’s it!

Whoa, whoa! Morty! Give me that!

You lied! You lied about the charge! You were just being lazy! Get back! Sit down!

Morty, just put it down. You don’t know what you’re doing.

I’m going to go find Mom and Dad.

Nooooo!

You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing.

Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed.

Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs.

Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ?

Ah, hell no, man. You do your thing, but I can’t afford to get my pride wrapped up in your shame. You know what I’m sayin’?

Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too.

Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man.

What? Why not?