qid
stringlengths
2
7
score
stringlengths
1
5
quote
stringlengths
14
6.99k
#60125
196
<Lookn4Poon> i'm in big trouble *** thekhan_b has joined #d2jsp <Lookn4Poon> i'm pretty sure the doctor is gonna finger my ass tomorrow morning <Lookn4Poon> i'm trying to hold in the poop so he can get his finger dirty
#60133
-61
<wob> I WANT TO CRUCIFY JESUS AND THEN PULL HIS EYEBALLS OUT SO I CAN SKULLLLLLLFUCCCKKKK HIM. ALSO DAD WOULDN'T LEND ME THE KEYS TO THE CAR SATAN WILL DEVOUR HIM. <wob> i should really be in the music biz
#60134
9
<@Vexer`> we went out last night to mcdonalds then to a movie with some muslims :P.. i was lookin' for you to see if oyu wanted to come <@elf> haha <@elf> like i would want to go to a movie with muslims <@elf> you guys played rock-scissors-paper to see who got to drive the explosive-loaded car into the theatre, didnt you
#60137
977
<Superpig> my uncle has a celeron <Superpig> would XP run on it, do you think? <ravuya> about as well as a dog runs with no legs or torso <ravuya> and with bricks tied to its head <ravuya> at the bottom of a solid concrete pool <ravuya> filled with dead corpses and rocks <Superpig> so, about the same as it runs on my P4 then <ravuya> more or less
#60139
151
<True_Hitoare> Yeah, it's amazing this abacus gets internet access... :p
#826270
-235
TbG: heh TbG: I hate that TbG: I put all of my pr0n in a passworded .rar TbG: and forgot the password.
#60143
570
<SJr> ped did you know I am 1000 weeks old today <SJr> Mook did you know I am 1000 weeks old today <SJr> Mojo did you know I am 1000 weeks old today <SJr> Liam did you know I am 1000 weeks old today <Mook> no I didn't know that <Mook> happy kiloweek
#60124
224
<froggie> short lines are bad, mmmkay? please add to your short lines, to make them long. like this, y'see? long lines, good. short lines bad. pretty simple. I'm goint to beat you, acidblood. I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THE BEACHES! <froggie> actually, I'll play volleyball with you on the beaches <froggie> I'll fight you online on IRC and DoD maybe one day. but either way, I'll fight you in a verbose and extended mannor so that I may be one step closer to that almighty long winning line! haha! madman? ME? of course, thankyou. <acidblood> Does this count as a long line? <froggie> no.
#60120
118
<Blinxuh> damnit <Blinxuh> I can't order any of this shit because of these damn economy fluctuations <Spudnewt> fluctuations? fluck chu asians? <Spudnewt> well, fuck you too, americans
#60114
551
<KBC> brb, i think i heard a girl say "desperate" about 3 miles away
#60115
534
<+Rustblade> I'm so angry!! <+Rustblade> fucking computer <+Rustblade> I'm gonna kick it * +Rustblade kicks his computer * Quits: Rustblade (rustblade@northface.intercarve.net) (Remote host closed the connection)
#60119
630
<Zaboomafoo`> aw shit someone help me! <Zaboomafoo`> I happened to mention bukakke and my mom wondered what it was <Zaboomafoo`> Im afraid shes gonna like, ask some of her japanese friends what it is and then find out! <saijinsux> what did you tell her it was? <Zaboomafoo`> a japanese food ;_;
#60113
793
<Bleepy> hmm this isn't good... not good atall <Bleepy> i have an auto responder to my emails, and so does my friend i emailed, and umm it kept boucning, and now i have 17041 emails (16000 of which cannot be displayed) <Daishi> that waas you!?!
#60108
96
<@Scarecr0w> Guest67082, we are the performers of a new play called " You are a fuck-wit"... wanna join? <Guest67082> ok
#60103
316
<xNichG> 'when nuclear weapons... attack.' <xNichG> next on fox <Darwin> seriously? <xNichG> no
#60105
325
«[LoKiX] » jesus IIS takes FOREVER to install « vip_ib » What is Jesus II? is it a roleplayin game? « vip_ib » FPS? <azzkicker> lmao
#826239
1507
<Deltantor> Why is it so hard to find a man that wants a female that has a small son? <f0rked_> I prefer a small daughter <grnp> I prefer a smaller son <ChrisHansen> I prefer that you both have a seat over there.
#60112
92
<@widea`way> if i wanted the CIA to track me, id buy a cell phone too
#60092
150
<KaRn> so if i made a million $ american and moved to canada.....i'd be richer?
#60066
292
<polyWog> my welfare sim family keeps having babies <polyWog> how true to life
#60012
47
<zamros> THE GOOD THING ABOUT HAVING MY OWN COMPUTER IS THAT I CAN JIZZ ALL OVER THE KEYBOARD AND NOT FEEL GUILTY THAT MY FAMILY IS GOING TO TYPE ON IT
#60049
141
<DooD> and for the record i worship kim -_- <``Erik> kim? one of my playtoys is named kim <DooD> you name your blowup dolls?
#60053
589
<seph2k> The idea of old people getting it on makes me SICK *BARF*. MANDATORY CASTRATION AFTER THE AGE 60. Man I hate people. <toad-> I agree with seph2k <toad-> I think old people should be killed at birth
#60061
-7
<FlaVouR> if http was cooler it would be YO!/SUP!
#60025
1117
<WTM2K> i accidentally turned on auto-catch, and everytime someone says a url it pops up in explorer <Supachikn> www.superchicken.com <|Cheez|> sorry about this but www.goatse.cx <Supachikn> www.tubgirl.com <Dekkon> www.dekkon.com <WTM2K> i hate you all
#59967
947
<stormo> im watching the best movie atm.. <Aurian> why is it so good?? <stormo> any film where a clown fingerfucks a nun has got to be good <Aurian> okay, i now consider myself lucky for not watching it <Aurian> isn't it meant to be about ninjas??? <stormo> now they're having actual sex <stormo> yeah <stormo> the nun is a ninja in disguise <Aurian> ahh <Aurian> and who's the clown? <stormo> another ninja <stormo> look, i'm not watching this film for it's complex and involved plot
#59970
-3
<SithAdmin> * Now talking in #rape.support <SithAdmin> * Retrieving #rape info... <SithAdmin> * SithAdmin changes topic to 'You were all begging for it!' <SithAdmin> * You were kicked from #rape.support by RSBot (banned!)
#826387
3075
<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm 14. <Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas paper. <Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma could be so small in volume? <Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD" on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL trial CD inside. <Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was. <Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen days of free internet!" <Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas.
#59995
252
<comet_11> can't you just see someone using quake to learn how to kill? <comet_11> "...So then I ran up to him with my rocket launcher, even though I couldn't find the quad damage anywhere. He turned and I swear he was going to fire a slime ball at me. I tried to strafe, but someone must have set my mouse/keyboard combo up wrong and I turned backwards and fell over."
#59927
19
<KeeperX> <zamros> I CAN'T BELIEVE I BID ON AN AUCTION WHERE THE PICTURE WAS THIS http://ebay1.ipixmedia.com/abc/M28/ _EBAY_71847e281b4abd0be4c460d181152613/i-1.JPG <KeeperX> <Project> YOU WON A FAT MAN? <Flaming_Duck> oh god <Flaming_Duck> look at the JPG <Flaming_Duck> that's so gay <KeeperX> yes, that is gay <KeeperX> external CDROM
#59907
484
«Edgar_the_Fish» i sat and watched 3 male hamsters gang bang a female hamster for about an hour at a pet store
#59880
16
<fetman> when I read the quotes on bash.org I feel that I too wan't to be as stupid as they are and make such stupid comments and make everyone laugh <fetman> How do I become as stupid as they are? <tfg> There are two steps, as follows: <tfg> 1) Bang your head repeatedly on the wall until you pass out <tfg> 2) Repeat step 1 until you get that stupid idea that you can actually be funny out of your head
#59896
17
<Nvrmr> were gonna have stalkers <Nvrmr> gonna have turks knocking on our door asking how to use FlashFXP
#59839
328
<Volt9000> My friend asked me to be in his movie <Volt9000> I think Im gonna do it <Volt9000> I must admit my acting skills aren't the greatest <Volt9000> But I do have SOME acting experience <tsingtao> <Volt9000> I've managed to convince my whole school that I'm straight!
#59803
256
<Hemlock> cloning one's pet doesn't seem that costly <Hemlock> i am seriously considering doing this <Compute> hem: you can't clone rocks, dumbass
#59834
172
<@DarkHoly> you live in canadian future, that's like, wright brothers just invented airplane <Tdot> airplane? <Tdot> O_o <@DarkHoly> see?
#59863
276
<phrenzy> i went to laser force yesterday all that cs made me really good <a3LegdCat> so you camped like a mofo?
#59874
466
* dazalyn *wisks* off her bra... aaaahhhhh freedom <nymph`grl> daz: Hehehe. This is why I love tank-tops with the shelf bra. <dazalyn> my boobs are too big for the shelf bra to actually work... <dazalyn> i wear them anyway <dazalyn> lol <nymph`grl> same here, lol <Wildcard`> too much information <nymph`grl> on a DDD it's really hard to keep them in check in those things. :) <shayden> too much information? <shayden> not enough visuals
#826428
2354
Blood Reaper: on a scale of 1 to 10 Blood Reaper: how old do you think michael jackson's boyfriend is?
#59830
-50
<DislocatedStyle8> *God attacks True_Yoshi dealing .0000000000000000001 damage*
#59894
266
<tamrfc> HOW DO YOU CHANGE A .ZIP FILE TO .EXE I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR ABOUT 40 MINS NOW.
#59847
237
<Swift> I need lemonade. <dmc2> I hate it when my sound goes blurry. <supakoopa> i hate when my video gets loud.
#59757
-81
<sKratch> you know what? if we could choose our nationality at birth, there would be no canada <sKratch> or it would just be a country full of morons <sKratch> oh wait...
#59730
194
<BX|Lyfe> im gonna be waiting with a shotgun to rob santa <BX|Lyfe> then its off to the pawn shop, ho ho ho
#59749
184
<jgaddis> boolean: I just got outta prison last Monday. <boolean> jgaddis: how many people in jail use linux?
#59731
334
<Anatole> That bot was from Russia. <Anatole> And there's a e-mail address, as well! <Rev> Russian...so it begins... <Anatole> And a name. <Anatole> Eeeeeeenteresting. <DeadSnake> so, it seems we are having a new cold war now <RAPEAPE> yeah <DeadSnake> but it will not be fought on our lands, or our seas, or in the air, but in our homes, on IRC <RAPEAPE> SAQ vs SOVIETS <Rev> They struck first, with porn-bots. But will the americans retaliate? <DeadSnake> WE SHALL RETALIATE <DeadSnake> but porn-bots we won't send, but email viruses! <Rev> Mmm macros and attachments most vile. <DeadSnake> we will contract the best hackers that china has to offer, then we do a preemptive strike on russia with a low level version of klez <DeadSnake> then, when their defenses are down, we do a full on retaliatory strike with a modified version of the "Love Bug" virus <Rev> Contact CNN, they'll have to get to work on their theme music.
#59726
247
<Oolong> you know, i read somewhere that botulism is powerful enough, if like 10 milligrams of it got in the water supply, to kill everyone in a town the size of new york city <Oolong> i wonder what marketing genius thought, "hey, maybe if women inject this into their lips, it will make them plump and kissable" <Oolong> it scares me to think that there might be an underground lab somewhere discovering the cosmetic benefits of anthrax
#59718
299
<Dead_Ice> dial up CS is good <Dead_Ice> cos ya lag that much you can dodge the bullets matrix style
#59744
221
<+Tincan> omega could code his way out of a straight jacket! <@omega> out? <+Tincan> yeah i guess <+Tincan> i dunno i just thought of it <@omega> dude, the rate im going, im going to be coding myself INTO a straight jacket. <+Tincan> lolol
#824171
1754
drool: i did a bit of an audit one month and discovered i had spent $600 on alcohol so i gave it up drool: the auditing, not the alcohol
#59763
22
<Nark> flash2 is the easiest shit to learn next to wanking off to Pamela Anderson
#59788
301
<+sysys> i could tell you if WINDOWS FUCKING ME didn't crash <+sysys> er <+sysys> WINDOWS ME <+sysys> that didnt come out right <@spacemank> LOL
#59732
175
<Runed> soft toilet paper :) <Runed> makes you want to sit there and wipe your ass all day :(
#59703
2646
<AdmiralPJ> I can predict things before they happen <AdmiralPJ> yes i know <ari> That's precognition, not telepathy <ari> Ah, damnit... <ari> Good one
#59686
43
<unrealer> shit <unrealer> who is good at medic here? <unrealer> how long does it take blood which stuck in u're vain to dissove? <unrealer> i think i popped my vain <unrealer> shit <PInK-PSy> o_O <unrealer> its at my leg <PInK-PSy> sucks to be you <unrealer> .... ... ... <BluWacky> I think you'd be in a lot more pain and howling for an ambulance if you'd really "popped a vein". * PInK-PSy nods <unrealer> well not really pop. more like the blood stream stuck <unrealer> its all hard and shit <unrealer> compair to my other leg <PInK-PSy> dude, get off the computer <PInK-PSy> and do something about it =
#59692
333
* Mak- was kicked by Nec (buu) <____> someone from israel kicking a dude from el salvador in a swedish channel, critizised by a german..... talk about globalisation
#59693
323
<Seppukoi> kthx so today in driver's ed we had a guest speaker <Seppukoi> and he was talking about teh alcohol, and also teh seatbelts <Seppukoi> he was explaining this article he read <Seppukoi> well, the article was talking about these two idiots who crashed their car into the front doors of a school <Seppukoi> and said they were tyring to kill themselves, but they survived with minor injuries because they were wearing seatbelts <Seppukoi> so I screamed out "HAHA NOOB!!!" <Seppukoi> and my friend screamed out "those guys SUCK at the killing themselves" <Seppukoi> he also said "those newbs got fux0red up!" <Seppukoi> I said "they probably had wallhacks" and the teacher was looking at us like "wtf" <Seppukoi> we kept talking about it and comparing it to things :/
#59676
20
<Mansion_Maniac> huh, God on a slot machine <Mansion_Maniac> a winner is Him
#59674
146
(djaby) ohh k me frm marz (djaby) visit sum time... (djaby) its a cooool place (djaby) ur zip has sum ko0o0o00ol tackz... (st0vbold) I thought so, since you can't spell shit's worth (djaby) u there zip.... (djaby) this st0vbold iz borin2 talk wit.. (djaby) :) (st0vbold) sure I am (djaby) yeah but me like 2 speak eit borin ppl also... (djaby) :) (djaby) so u r in q plz wait...:) (djaby) lol (st0vbold) go back to dalnet (djaby) cum into me chann sum time... me a op in it ... me vil bann u in a sec ??? :) (djaby) hey how cum u no me frm dalnet....
#59685
276
<Viper550esp> heh hell, you have no idea what hell is! Try standing inbetween two large fat women at a manson concert who decided just to wear the bare minimum to get it in concert. Oh thats nothing, they decided that it would be fun to start a mash pit. I kid you not those two women took out 7 people with one massive shove <Jaytda4th> omg that is hell! A manson concert.. im so sorry.
#825820
1341
<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big pause?" <NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand this joke goddammit
#59684
191
<_audit_> you know when you've been working in the pr0n industry too long when all you have to see is the pussy and you know what girl is on camara
#59687
247
<+MegamanX2K> buh <@Dragon_Ninja> HIya X <+MegamanX2K> Diablo 2 pisses me off <@Dragon_Ninja> what is pissing you off about it now? <+MegamanX2K> stupid fucking Venom Lord rush <+MegamanX2K> who do they think they are, Zerg? <@Dragon_Ninja> LOL <+MegamanX2K> god, I was waiting for Diablo to go "KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE ^______________________^"
#59671
131
<kv9> ive just adjusted my sitting position <kv9> to conceal any possible sudden hardons
#59663
148
<Jedi_Vader20> anyone know where I can find some goo pr0n? <PuffinFreshWog> have you tried the internet? <Jedi_Vader20> whoops
#59649
268
* mod7t9z730 has joined #sojaHASH <mod7t9z730> ehe lets spam these soja lamas ;) <mod7t9z730> oops wrong chan <+CHiPiTA> lmao * sH_Lime sets mode +b *!*@pD9E7C066.dip0.t-ipconnect.de *** mod7t9z730 has been kicked by sH_Lime (wrong chan)
#59633
8
barra: do u have to sign up to anythin to go to a lan? Goliath|LoTR II = Winner: errr... yes barra: what? Goliath|LoTR II = Winner: you have to sign up for a lan barra: how? Goliath|LoTR II = Winner: sign up
#59612
584
<blitz> i'm allergic to alcohol <blitz> I drink a 12 pack and I break out in hand-cuffs
#59642
149
<LucyFerr> ok..im blind apparently..wher the hell is brittneys nipple in that pic <LucyFerr> is this one of those "Pin the nipple on the whore" games?
#59623
-3
<[SoI]{X}CloudsnBunnies{X}> is 1942 a patch of dod or a completely sepereate mod? <[SoI]{X}CloudsnBunnies{X}> is 1942 a patch of dod or a completely sepereate mod? <J-0-K-e-R`secksi> .........1942 = different game
#826140
771
<Zombait> By the way, why the hell does windows tell you to say "okay" to everything? <Zombait> Clearly the responses used there were created by married men
#59645
-77
<Ang3lus> half life was lame star trek rip off
#59666
500
<Mario> were is evesyone? <penfold> in graamer school <penfold> grammar* <penfold> damnit, it backfired :\
#59641
337
<Fat-Burrick> What i want to know is why gandalf didnt rescue merry and pippin from the ents <Tumbleweed> would you? <Fat-Burrick> good point
#59595
327
<chris> i have one guy arguing that init.d scripts need to support mixed-case arguments <chris> "My first suggestion is to modify the way you match 'start' and 'stop' in <chris> your case statement. While technically, there is nothing wrong with the <chris> way you match it, I prefer [Ss][Tt][Aa][Rr][Tt] and [Ss][Tt][Oo][Pp]. Using <chris> this method, the matching is now case insensitive." <reflector> I'd email him back: "[sS][hH][uU][tT] [tT][hH][eE] [fF][uU][cC][kK] [uU][Pp]" <reflector> match that, asshole.
#59551
1610
<Slime> I saw a headline on the newspaper today: "Horrific Rape in Alley", or something. <Slime> I was like "Is there any other kind of rape?" <Slime> "HILARIOUS RAPE AS CLOWN SODOMIZED
#59500
193
(MS^Zealot): i do not have your fetish with dead people marmite (bovril): its not a fetish, i just like to fuck them
#59517
124
DasKrav: Where do you hide something from a Mexican? DasKrav: Put it under the soap. sse2122: Bastard.
#59335
109
<fatmatt> ha, the raelians claim to have produced the worlds first human clone, I doubt it, haven't they seen the Mormons? <fatmatt> those guys have even managed to clone the bicycle as well
#59336
346
<|404notfound> My friend, who was new to online gaming, complained to me about a 30 ping. <donotdisturb> LOL <|404notfound> But that's not all. His question to me was: <|404notfound> "Why won't it go any higher?"
#59320
145
<@`Aiden`> Magic isn't commonplace in ours like in most. <MikeyPain> oooooo <@`Aiden`> Which means people actually have to rely on wits and ability.. instead of just throwing a fireball. <Jillian> So you won't see fireballs coming out of someone's weener. <@`Aiden`> ... <@`Aiden`> ¬_¬ <Jillian> Unless they have a really bad case of clamydia.
#826358
2293
<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it? <Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing special or added -_- technically he could bless the water coming from a pipe <Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water <Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant blessing <Hef> and run out of mana
#59334
80
* gryp sets mode: +v WicKeD <@gryp> he's tight ^ <@IBN-LGBR> like a virgin on prom night? * IBN-munkeydung sets mode: -v WicKeD <@IBN-LGBR> cherry got popped
#59329
168
<@Hellfire|RS> ... BET has nightly news now? <@Rei> "And to close, remember, MLK Jr Day is only 234 days away and keep it real, yo. Tonights credits will be done by Jameriquai and remember to tune in tomorrow morning at 6:00 for your AM dose of ethnic stereotypes."
#59471
1132
<r0bert> you are officially a complete and utter moron. <Evil_Girl_55> no u are beacause moran is spelled m-o-r-a-n u dope
#59312
1555
<Kristy> i remember new years eve, 2000, everyone had their computers off because they were afraid they would blow up cause of y2k, and my boyfriend was begging me to have sex with him. and i was like "look at my ping! i am not going to get a 70 ping any other night! go watch tv and stop interrupting my tribes!!"
#59292
1247
<The-Dude-> i had a best friend..he gotta GF..we hated each other..2 years later we were having DNS tests done for the kids father... <Kaenneth> ... DNS tests?... to see if you have a common root domain? <Kaenneth> "Both parents were from aol.com... retardation was inevitable"
#59262
218
·sh|a|tter· Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn. ·sh|a|tter· man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns c4c|Dthsmrf{wiz3rk} ROFLMAO!
#59202
246
<Ecko24> yo does anyone have a driver for an ethernet cable?
#59256
-264
* ChanServ (ChanServ@Services.GamesNET.net) Quit (*.net *.split) <DopefishJustin> damn chanserv <DopefishJustin> they should rename it NegroServ because it never works
#59311
128
<|404notfound> I'm angsty. I'm plenty angsty. <|404notfound> I'm so angsty I make goths look like bright, happy rays of sunshine.
#59243
632
<r-beretta> wow, rape porn pop-ups. <r-beretta> that's a first <[Knob]> ever got incest pop-ups? <r-beretta> yes, incest is common for me <r-beretta> IN THE POP-UPS I MEAN