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bookcorpus_compact_1024_test

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if the phone rang , it would scare her out of her skin . melanie lifted her head and stared at it . would he call back ? what if he did show up only to say , sorry , too little , too late ? she realized five minutes had passed and she was still staring at the phone , as if willing life into it . that would do to keep her mind occupied , give new direction to her brooding . a cherry secretary desk , inherited from nana along with the house , stood by the small-paned front windows . in the cubbies , melanie kept bills , receipts , envelopes and stamps . this month 's check statement had arrived and was still unopened . she took out a calculator and soon discovered her checkbook was $ 2.49 off . in her favor , but she was determined to find the error , anyway . doggedly she pursued it , but kept finding herself staring at the string of nonsensical numbers on the calculator . she almost managed , which might be why it took a moment for the murmur of voices in the hall to register . one of those voices was more of a ... rumble . distinctly masculine . and it said something like , `` thanks . now go upstairs and do n't come down until i call you . melanie surfaced ; her calculator read $ 1,973.73 . her checking account rarely held that much money , and certainly did n't right now . ... do n't come down until i call you ? trembling , she swung in her chair to face the doorway . through it strolled a victorian gentleman in an elegant brocade smoking jacket , cravat and black trousers , with a pipe nonchalantly held between his teeth . a large handsome gentleman with russet hair and gray eyes . he took the pipe from his mouth and said agreeably , `` indeed , my dear . but not the kevin you know . this one is a fellow of means dressed to reflect his domestic contentment . '' he did a slow turn , as she had when showing students the garments . `` he 's pleased to be home , man of the house . '' the pipe clattered to an end table . voice hoarse , he said , `` if you 'll let him be . '' `` i made that jacket . '' kevin looked down at himself and gripped the lapels . `` you mean , this bathrobe thing ? '' `` it 's a smoking jacket . '' his face held heart-stopping vulnerability when he looked up . `` angie said it 's what a father would wear at home . when he really belonged . '' she still sat in the straight-backed queen anne chair . her mind did n't seem to quite grasp the implications . `` i just called you , '' she said stupidly . `` did you already get my message ? '' melanie remembered the door to her sewing room opening and closing , the whispers and shuffles . with near outrage , she asked , `` you 've been here all this time ? '' `` well ... '' he shifted uneasily . `` for twenty minutes or half an hour . it took us a while to find the right outfit . angie wanted me to be a cowboy and lasso you . i had to convince her that was n't the right message . '' `` angie conspired with you ? '' was n't that what he 'd been telling her ? `` i 'm afraid so , '' he said apologetically . `` but i did ask her . '' `` she did n't call you ? '' `` no , i called her . once i realized . '' finally they 'd arrived at the heart of the matter . `` realized what ? '' `` that elk springs is home now . '' his voice took on a rough urgency . `` that you 're what i 've been looking for . you and angie . i do n't want to go back to the park service . i 've been happier here these past months than i 've been in years . he closed the few feet between them and dropped to one knee in front of her , seizing her hands in his . `` melanie , marry me . i wo n't uproot you . her fingers curled to grasp his . `` but ... you can . '' there was a momentary silence as he studied her in perplexity . `` uproot me . '' in a rush she said , `` that 's why i called you . to say that i did think , like i said i would . and i realized that i do n't want to be left behind . if ... if you really love me , i 'll go anywhere with you . '' `` but you 've told me how much you hated moving ! '' `` it would n't be my first choice , '' she admitted . `` it was hard when i was a kid . i 'd be dumped into a new school , and when i walked into class the first day , it always felt as if everyone was sneering . i was never wearing the right clothes or ... '' she stopped .

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500], ["keep", 515], ["keepest", 515], ["kept", 515], ["bill", 521], ["bills", 521], ["receipt", 532], ["receipts", 532], ["envelope", 544], ["envelopes", 544], ["stamp", 555], ["stamps", 555], ["month", 568], ["check", 577], ["statement", 587], ["arrive", 599], ["arrived", 599], ["unopened", 622], ["take", 633], ["took", 633], ["calculator", 650], ["soon", 659], ["discover", 670], ["discovered", 670], ["checkbook", 684], ["checkbooks", 684], ["favor", 714], ["favorest", 714], ["find", 747], ["error", 757], ["anyway", 766], ["doggedly", 777], ["pursue", 789], ["pursued", 789], ["find", 811], ["finding", 811], ["strung", 841], ["string", 841], ["strings", 841], ["nonsensical", 856], ["number", 864], ["numbering", 864], ["numbers", 864], ["almost", 895], ["manage", 903], ["managed", 903], ["may", 917], ["mays", 917], ["mayest", 917], ["might", 917], ["moment", 941], ["murmur", 956], ["murmurest", 956], ["voice", 966], ["voices", 966], ["hall", 978], ["register", 990], ["rumble", 1037], ["rumbles", 1037], ["distinctly", 1050], ["masculine", 1060], ["say", 1074], ["sayest", 1074], ["said", 1074], ["like", 1089], ["thank", 1101], ["thanks", 1101], ["thankest", 1101], ["go", 1110], ["goest", 1110], ["upstairs", 1119], ["come", 1135], ["surface", 1176], ["surfaced", 1176], ["read", 1198], ["reads", 1198], ["checking", 1224], ["account", 1232], ["rarely", 1239], ["hold", 1244], ["held", 1244], ["much", 1254], ["money", 1260], ["moneys", 1260], ["certainly", 1276], ["right", 1290], ["rightest", 1290], ["tremble", 1346], ["trembles", 1346], ["swing", 1358], ["swung", 1358], ["chair", 1371], ["chairing", 1371], ["face", 1379], ["doorway", 1391], ["stroll", 1413], ["strollest", 1413], ["strolled", 1413], ["victorian", 1425], ["victorians", 1425], ["gentleman", 1435], ["elegant", 1449], ["brocade", 1457], ["smoke", 1465], ["smoking", 1465], ["jacket", 1472], ["jacketed", 1472], ["cravat", 1481], ["cravats", 1481], ["black", 1491], ["trouser", 1500], ["trousers", 1500], ["pipe", 1514], ["piped", 1514], ["piping", 1514], ["nonchalantly", 1527], ["tooth", 1550], ["teeth", 1550], ["large", 1560], ["handsome", 1569], ["handsomes", 1569], ["russet", 1591], ["hair", 1596], ["gray", 1605], ["grays", 1605], ["eye", 1610], ["eyed", 1610], ["eyes", 1610], ["mouth", 1644], ["mouthed", 1644], ["agreeably", 1663], ["indeed", 1675], ["dear", 1685], ["dearest", 1685], ["kevin", 1705], ["know", 1714], ["knowest", 1714], ["fellow", 1737], ["mean", 1746], ["meanest", 1746], ["means", 1746], ["dress", 1754], ["dressest", 1754], ["dressed", 1754], ["reflect", 1765], ["reflectest", 1765], ["domestic", 1778], ["contentment", 1790], ["slow", 1809], ["turn", 1814], ["show", 1840], ["showing", 1840], ["student", 1849], ["students", 1849], ["garment", 1862], ["garments", 1862], ["pleased", 1881], ["home", 1892], ["homing", 1892], ["man", 1898], ["mans", 1898], ["manned", 1898], ["clatter", 1935], ["clattered", 1935], ["end", 1945], ["ends", 1945], ["endest", 1945], ["table", 1951], ["tabled", 1951], ["tabling", 1951], ["voice", 1959], ["hoarse", 1966], ["let", 1996], ["lets", 1996], ["look", 2048], ["looked", 2048], ["grip", 2076], ["lapel", 2087], ["lapels", 2087], ["mean", 2101], ["meanest", 2101], ["bathrobe", 2117], ["bathrobed", 2117], ["thing", 2123], ["heart", 2179], ["stop", 2188], ["stopping", 2188], ["vulnerability", 2202], ["angie", 2231], ["father", 2256], ["fathered", 2256], ["fathering", 2256], ["wear", 2267], ["really", 2292], ["belong", 2301], ["belonged", 2301], ["belongest", 2301], ["sat", 2320], ["sit", 2320], ["straight", 2336], ["back", 2343], ["backed", 2343], ["queen", 2349], ["queens", 2349], ["queenest", 2349], ["queening", 2349], ["anne", 2354], ["seem", 2384], ["seeming", 2384], ["quite", 2393], ["grasp", 2399], ["grasped", 2399], ["grasping", 2399], ["implication", 2416], ["implications", 2416], ["call", 2435], ["called", 2435], ["stupidly", 2462], ["already", 2483], ["get", 2487], ["message", 2498], ["remember", 2522], ["rememberest", 2522], ["remembered", 2522], ["door", 2531], ["sewing", 2545], ["room", 2550], ["roomed", 2550], ["opening", 2558], ["closing", 2570], ["whisper", 2585], ["whispers", 2585], ["shuffle", 2598], ["shuffling", 2598], ["shuffles", 2598], ["near", 2610], ["outrage", 2618], ["outraged", 2618], ["outraging", 2618], ["ask", 2630], ["asked", 2630], ["time", 2667], ["well", 2680], ["wells", 2680], ["shift", 2698], ["shifted", 2698], ["uneasily", 2707], ["twenty", 2723], ["half", 2739], ["hour", 2747], ["outfit", 2793], ["cowboy", 2826], ["cowboys", 2826], ["lasso", 2836], ["convince", 2860], ["convinced", 2860], ["convincing", 2860], ["conspire", 2919], ["conspired", 2919], ["tell", 2970], ["telling", 2970], ["afraid", 2991], ["apologetically", 3022], ["ask", 3041], ["finally", 3131], ["matter", 3174], ["mattering", 3174], ["elk", 3210], ["rough", 3261], ["roughs", 3261], ["roughest", 3261], ["roughing", 3261], ["urgency", 3269], ["look", 3311], ["looking", 3311], ["park", 3370], ["parks", 3370], ["service", 3378], ["servicing", 3378], ["happy", 3399], ["happier", 3399], ["past", 3415], ["month", 3422], ["months", 3422], ["year", 3447], ["years", 3447], ["close", 3459], ["closed", 3459], ["foot", 3472], ["feet", 3472], ["drop", 3497], ["dropped", 3497], ["knee", 3509], ["seize", 3535], ["seizes", 3535], ["seizing", 3535], ["hand", 3545], ["hands", 3545], ["marry", 3573], ["married", 3573], ["wo", 3583], ["uproot", 3594], ["uproots", 3594], ["uprooted", 3594], ["finger", 3612], ["fingers", 3612], ["curl", 3619], ["curls", 3619], ["curled", 3619], ["momentary", 3680], ["silence", 3688], ["study", 3702], ["studied", 3702], ["perplexity", 3720], ["rush", 3750], ["think", 3815], ["thinkest", 3815], ["left", 3884], ["leave", 3884], ["behind", 3891], ["love", 3919], ["anywhere", 3942], ["tell", 3976], ["told", 3976], ["hate", 3998], ["hateed", 3998], ["hated", 3998], ["move", 4005], ["moving", 4005], ["first", 4038], ["firstest", 4038], ["choice", 4045], ["admit", 4063], ["admitted", 4063], ["hard", 4080], ["kid", 4097], ["dump", 4114], ["dumped", 4114], ["school", 4132], ["schooling", 4132], ["walk", 4152], ["walked", 4152], ["class", 4163], ["classing", 4163], ["classest", 4163], ["day", 4177], ["always", 4189], ["feel", 4194], ["felt", 4194], ["everyone", 4209], ["sneer", 4222], ["sneering", 4222], ["never", 4236], ["wear", 4244], ["wearing", 4244], ["clad", 4262], ["clothe", 4262], ["clothes", 4262], ["stop", 4284], ["stopped", 4284]]

she drained her soda in one swift chug and handed the can off to kane . im on dinner duty . besides im sure you want time to get to know your new plaything . now her look of disgust was for me . i didnt know whether to hate this girl or love her for trying to save me . tyler , kane called out as she walked with graceful steps toward the door . check on miller , make sure hes alright . she huffed over her shoulder . if i show him i care right now , hell think its okay to behave this way . we both know , that under no circumstances can he be allowed to leave this place . he would die by himself ; he would die in less than a day . what if he wasnt by himself ? she asked with casual humor , the kind that made it seem as though she were laughing at you . youd die too , ty , he said with resigned sadness . and you care , kane ? i care , he agreed . just make sure hes alright . whatevs , she shrugged with that same indifference that seemed to gnaw at kanes patience . then she was gone and the screen door was slamming behind her with a cracking thud . you have a very interesting family , i pointed out as soon as we were alone again . you dont have any family left ? kane asked , returning his attention to me . my tone was final and cutting . i would not talk about people i loved with him . reagan , i know how to keep you safe , he promised in a soft voice as if picking up on some great pain of my past . this will be a good life for you . against my will , i pointed out bitterly . youll keep me safe against my will . and youll give me the life you think is good . honestly , i dont even understand how i got here . confusion crossed his features and he reminded me , we found you in the woods this morning . losing my mind just a little and all of my patience i snapped , no , i know how i got here this morning . but i mean , to this place . to you keeping me under lock and key just like tyler said , like a pet . why do you think this is acceptable behavior ? i dont , he quickly reassured me . i know its not alright to behave like this . but i also know its been eighteen months since a girl that has even remotely peeked my interest has stumbled upon our encampment and she died three days later because she was too dehydrated and starved to come back from that . her body shut down and we watched her die in our medical facilities . since then its been a steady stream of mostly men . or women that wont work for me . that doesnt mean im the last of a dying breed . my arms were crossed over my chest defiantly and my eyes boring holes into his stupid head . no , but it means you are a rare and precious commodity . a woman is a status symbol in this community . so youre lazy ? go find another woman ! go find someone whos actually interested in you . you cant just kidnap people . im not lazy , he growled . you should look at this from my perspective . if you were in the same position as me and the perfect man walked across your path i doubt you would be so quick to let them go . i thought about the parker brothers and how that was true for them now . i would not let them go if i had the choice . but it was different too . there was a point when i could have walked away . and i would never force someone to be with me , especially in this way . im not perfect , i said instead , afraid to incite his anger , or reveal more about the parkers . perfect for me , he insisted . youre delusional , i hissed . he was , in fact , bonkers . im your future , reagan , he promised in a low , stony voice . the sooner you come to terms with that , the sooner you will be able to move forward . he walked over to the front door and closed it . pulling a padlock off a decorative table , he locked the door from the inside and pocketed the key attached to his large key ring . the handcuff key burned against my breast as i realized that handcuffs were not going to be my only obstacle tonight . if i could escape those , i still had to break out of this house and make it all the way back to the football field . if hendrix , nelson and vaughan were able to get free , we still had to make it all the way back to the farmhouse and get page and everyone else . there would be no way to warn them ahead of time , no way to tell them to be ready to go . nausea assaulted my stomach at the seemingly impossible task ahead of us . we had to get out of this place . and while i willed my panic and fear under control , my heartbeat seemed to take a new rhythm ; it beat steadily in my chest , whispering a promise of hope , beating a melody of determination .

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2797], ["kidnaping", 2797], ["growl", 2831], ["growls", 2831], ["growled", 2831], ["perspective", 2877], ["position", 2912], ["perfect", 2934], ["perfectest", 2934], ["man", 2938], ["mans", 2938], ["manned", 2938], ["across", 2952], ["path", 2962], ["doubt", 2970], ["quick", 2992], ["let", 2999], ["lets", 2999], ["think", 3019], ["thinkest", 3019], ["thought", 3019], ["parker", 3036], ["brother", 3045], ["brethren", 3045], ["brothers", 3045], ["true", 3067], ["choice", 3126], ["different", 3149], ["point", 3173], ["away", 3203], ["never", 3223], ["force", 3229], ["especially", 3264], ["instead", 3310], ["afraid", 3319], ["incite", 3329], ["incites", 3329], ["anger", 3339], ["reveal", 3351], ["parker", 3374], ["parkers", 3374], ["insist", 3405], ["insistest", 3405], ["insisted", 3405], ["delusional", 3424], ["hiss", 3435], ["hissed", 3435], ["fact", 3454], ["bonker", 3464], ["bonkers", 3464], ["future", 3481], ["low", 3513], ["lowed", 3513], ["stony", 3521], ["soon", 3540], ["term", 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we eyed the duffels , backpacks and coolers that had been dumped out on the ground with frustration . slowly we moved as a unit and bent down to pick up our belongings and shove them haphazardly into our respective bags . reagan , you have an obscene amount of underwear , vaughan whispered . i looked up at him to see that he was laughing at me . i cleared my throat and went back to my task , ignoring the blush blooming across my cheeks . finally , the trunk was packed again with the possessions we were allowed to keep and we filed back into the hummer . the hillbilly was back , with an extra handgun tucked into the front of his pants . he didnt adjust it when he sat down ; that was when i knew he was just trying to intimidate us with it . id made the same mistake , the barrel jabs into your thigh , or crotch , or if it gets at just the right angle it can cut you . there was no way he was comfortable , but his pride kept him from changing the guns position . he gave vaughan directions on how to get to the main meeting area ; vaughan followed them silently . he was back to being crazy angry again . i could see his stretched white knuckles even from the back row . i wondered if hillbilly was nervous for us as a whole once hed seen how many guns we were carrying or if vaughans barely repressed rage was the finalizing factor for his fear . in just moments vaughan pulled up in front of a plain military style office building . we climbed out and walked in as a close group . the air was stagnant without central air and no open windows , but there were actual electric lights on . i could hear the whir of a generator somewhere in the distance and was kind of impressed by that . welcome to the fort , bw greeted from a swirly chair that might as well have been set up like a throne . a line of armed men fanned out to either side of him and hendrix sat in his own chair off to the side . he looked pissed off , but other than that he seemed untouched . the names gary . this is my base . you belong to the lucky few that are allowed in . thank you for your hospitality , vaughan answered after a charged pause . garys face broke out into a wide grin and he turned his attention to hendrix . now see ? that is how a smart man responds when given an opportunity . hendrix narrowed his eyes but otherwise did not respond . this is an opportunity , vaughan started carefully . unfortunately we have obligations which will force us to continue traveling . continue traveling ? you cant be serious , gary scoffed . he leaned back in his chair and looked along the line of his armed men . there cant be anything out there worth leaving this kind of safety for . vaughans shoulders stiffened as if he was preparing for battle . my wifes family was last heard of south of here . we promised wed come for them . how gallant of you , gary bit out , enunciating each word precisely . but you have to know theyre dead by now . everything south of here is dead . we gave our word . we have to find out , vaughan answered quickly , firmly . stay tonight then . restock your supplies as a thank you for clearing up our infestation and leave first thing in the morning . gary countered , but i trusted the gleam in his eye not at all . i did not trust this guy . alright , vaughan nodded . and well get our guns back , right ? whenever you leave , you can have everything we confiscated back , gary offered magnanimously . but we all heard what he didnt say , the implication in his tone of voice . whenever we left was a little bit of a threat . i pulled your brothers name out on the ride over here , but i guess i need yours . vaughan , vaughan answered politely . this is my wife , reagan . my brother nelson and his wife haley , my other brothers harrison , king and page . hendrix said his last name was parker ? gary pressed eyeing haley and me with obvious disappointment . vaughan noticed too and slipped his arm back around my waist , mine as well . we are all parkers . and we all belong to the fort , gary waved around at his men . youll meet everyone eventually . tack and sean can show you to your housing . i suppose youll want to stay with your wives . more of that creepy disappointment seeped out of him . well all stay together , vaughan answered in a command . we have plenty of room , gary pressed . we will stay together , vaughan confirmed . they can stay in that empty house near the barracks . gary nodded his head to two men that must have been tack and sean . but youll join us for dinner .

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his mouth was soft against hers , his hands in her hair , scattering white berries across the stone steps . tessa held fast to will as the snow swirled around them . through the windows of the institute , she could hear the faint sound of the music playing in the ballroom : the pianoforte , the cello , and rising above it all , like sparks leaping toward the sky , the sweet , celebratory strains of the violin . `` i ca n't believe we 're really going home , '' cecily said . her hands were clasped in front of her , and she was bouncing up and down in her white kid boots . she was bundled into a red winter coat , the brightest thing in the dark crypt except the portal itself , great and silver and shining against the far wall . through it tessa could catch a glimpse , like a glimpse in a dream , of blue sky ( the sky outside the institute was a spitting london gray ) and snow-dusted hills . will stood beside her , his shoulder brushing hers . he looked pale and nervous , and she longed to take his hand . `` we 're not going home , cecy , '' he said . `` not to stay . we 're visiting . i wish to introduce our parents to my fiancee '' -and at that his pallor faded slightly , his lips curving into a smile- '' that they might know the girl i am going to marry . '' `` oh , pish tosh , '' said cecily . `` we can use the portal to see them whenever we want ! charlotte is the consul , so we can not possibly get in trouble . '' charlotte groaned . `` cecily , this is a singular expedition . it is not a toy . you can not simply use the portal whenever you like , and this excursion must be kept a secret . none but we here can know you visited your parents , that i allowed you to break the law ! '' `` i wo n't tell anyone ! '' cecily protested . `` and neither will gabriel . '' she glanced at the boy at her side . `` you wo n't , will you ? '' `` why are we bringing him along , again ? '' will inquired , of the world in general as well as his sister . cecily put her hands on her hips . `` why are you bringing tessa ? '' `` because tessa and i are going to be married , '' will said , and tessa smiled ; the way that will 's little sister could ruffle his feathers like no one else was still amusing to her . `` well , gabriel and i might well be married , '' cecily said . gabriel made a choking noise , and turned an alarming shade of purple . will threw up his hands . `` you ca n't be married , cecily ! you 're only fifteen ! when i get married , i 'll be eighteen ! an adult ! '' cecily did not look impressed . `` we may have a long engagement , '' she said . `` but i can not see why you are counseling me to marry a man my parents have never met . '' will sputtered . `` i am not counseling you to marry a man your parents have never met ! '' gabriel must meet mam and dad . '' cecily turned to henry . `` is the portal ready ? '' tessa leaned close to will . `` i do love the way she manages you , '' she whispered . `` it is quite entertaining to watch . '' `` wait until you meet my mother , '' will said , and slipped his hand into hers . his fingers were cold ; his heart must have been racing . tessa knew he had been up all night . the idea of seeing his parents after so many years was as terrifying to him as it was joyful . she knew that admixture of hope and fear , infinitely worse than just one alone . `` the portal is quite ready , '' said henry . `` and remember , in an hour i shall open it again , that you may return through it . '' `` and understand that this is just this once , '' charlotte said anxiously . `` even if i am the consul , i can not allow you to visit your mundane family- '' `` not even at christmas ? '' said cecily , with large , tragic eyes . charlotte weakened visibly . `` well , perhaps christmas ... '' `` and birthdays , '' said tessa . `` birthdays are special . '' charlotte put her hands over her face . `` oh , by the angel . '' henry laughed , and swept an arm toward the door . `` go on through , '' he said , and cecily went first , vanishing through the portal as if she had stepped through a waterfall . gabriel followed , and then will and tessa , holding tightly to each other 's hands .

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i think about what it would have been like to be that gel pack , and feel his lips sliding over my tongue , gently suckling , and the thought draws a fresh pool of moisture to gather between my thighs . i 'm desperate to give myself some relief from the continual , exhausting hormonal rampage of being exposed to him . like radiation , there 's something i should be able to take to protect myself , but i just ca n't figure it out . his face , his scent ; it makes me crazy . he 's my client , but he 's also ... like a friend . and i just need to touch him . i know i ca n't kiss him full on that sexy mouth , but i can at least stretch him . he must be warm from our run , and fatigued after his fight , and i crave the contact of his skin like a drug addict . before i know what i 'm doing , i slip into a velour pantsuit , head for his suite , and knock on his door . i do n't know what i 'm going to say . i do n't know anything except i will probably not be sleeping one wink until i see him and at least offer to ice his upper thoracic injuries , or just rub him down with an anti-inflammatory , or i do n't know . why did he ask me to run with him ? why did pete think he was getting purposely injured so i would touch him ? did he want my touch so bad ? riley swings the door open , and past his shoulders , i spot a woman in see-through lingerie dancing sexily in the middle of the living room coffee table , and another female voice in the background speaking . `` ... birdie told us you wanted to play with us , remy ... '' `` yeah ? '' riley asks me , and i just stare like an idiot , my stomach sinking because , of course , these are the whores that ... i duck my head and frantically think of something to say . `` did i leave my pho ... oh shit , i got it . '' i glance at my cell phone in my hand and roll my eyes , like i 'm so stupid . shit , i really , really am . goodnight , riley . '' i hear remington 's deep voice . and i run to my room and shut the door , feeling numb inside . this time when i slip back into bed , i 'm pretty sure every inch of arousal has fled my system , but i still ca n't sleep . because now the woman remington is kissing in my mind so hungrily with that full , beautiful mouth of his , the woman who gets to lick that scarred cut on his lip that i got to put salve on , is unfortunately , not me . remy is sparring today the way coach thinks he should have fought yesterday . he 's knocked out two of his sparring partners , though , and now coach is pissed once more . `` these are sparring partners , tate . if you 'd only stop knocking them down and just have fun and work on your moves , you 'd still have someone to train with today ... now we 've run out and you have no one to spar anymore . '' `` then stop giving me little pussies , coach . '' he spits off the ring . `` hey , i know how to spar , '' i tell riley from where we watch at one outside corner of the ring . his blond head swings to mine , and he suddenly looks impressed . `` you did not just offer to go up with this guy ? '' i can show the guy moves he has n't even seen , '' i boast , but frankly , i just want the opportunity to kick the shit out of remington for being such a womanizing shithead that makes me fantasize day and night . and for licking the electrolyte packet after i did . what a flirting dickwad . `` all right , rem , i 've got a little something for you , '' riley calls , clapping to get his attention . `` i know for sure he 's not going to knock out this one , coach , '' he calls out to lupe at the other corner , and he signals laughingly at me . remington sees me , and tosses the head gear on the floor as he watches me hop onto the ring , in my tight little black one-piece tracksuit . his eyes rake me , like they always do . he 's such a man , he ca n't help checking me out every time i walk toward him . but as i approach , his eyes glint in amusement , and slowly , his smile appears , and it just pricks my irritation . he 's been moody today , from what i-and his fallen sparring partners-could tell . but my own grumpiness rates about a solid ten too . not even coffee lifted my spirits this morning , and yet i know this will . even if i lose , i just want to freaking spar with someone . i can knock you down with my feet , '' i warn him .

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she was supposed to meet us at dump and give us an update . the taxi dropped us off a few blocks away . sean fell into soldier-mode and moved with caution . he seemed to be listening for something as he walked . a wave of dread assaulted me as we turned the corner . i held my breath to listen . it was quiet here too quiet unnaturally quiet . i strained to see into the shadows but saw nothing out of the ordinary . my intuition was growing . maybe i could use it to sense the bad guys . i scrunched my eyes and tried to sense them . a muffled snort from sean interrupted my concentration . he was biting his lip trying not to laugh . i looked down my nose at him and scowled . he shook his head at me and kept moving . muffled music greeted us when we reached the stairway to dump . a small cloud of cigarette smoke wafted out the door as we walked inside . it was crowded tonight . every table was full , and there were people standing beside the battered wooden bar . i looked around but didnt see any blond bitches so i guess our informant wasnt there yet . rockhard ! was in the middle of a song . tonight the bass player was strutting around in a kilt . i nibbled on a fingernail while i pondered the mysteries of the scottish kilt . several women were watching with hypnotized eyes as the kilt swung back and forth to the rhythm of the song . i grinned around my hand as i remembered the age old question . sean casually leaned against the wall near a subwoofer . i casually leaned against him . this spot gave us the best vantage point for watching the door . he pretended to enjoy the band and occasionally nuzzled me or did something else obviously affectionate in case anyone was looking . as far as anyone knew , we were just two young people out for a good time . why we chose dump for it is a mystery someone should have questioned . i envied seans ability to multi-task . he was completely focused on the door while idly running one hand up and down my thigh . he was taut and hot against me . he practically vibrated with suppressed energy . i had asked him about these physical changes at the penthouse today . he shrugged and said it was part of their bodies preparation for combat . the flight or fight response was stronger in the primani body so every physical change was magnified . flight response ? he scoffed , yeah , but we dont use that one . primani never run from a fight . after an hour or so , the door opened and in walked the blonde . she was a tall woman with hair that fell in a straight line to her shoulders . based on the shadowy roots , i assumed the color wasnt hers . she was wearing tight black jeans with vinyl boots and a fitted black vinyl coat that came to her knees . she looked like a licorice stick . sean ran his lips across my ear . little jolts of electricity trickled from my neck to my toes . i involuntarily arched against him like a cat , my fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck . still nibbling on me , he purred , focus , darlin ! its just for show . he raised a lazy hand , and the blonde moved our direction . much , much later that night , i stood on the balcony , mesmerized . the lights of the city sparkled and winked for as far as my eyes could see . it was the witching hour , and i was in a mystical mood . determined to get a leash on my new psychic abilities , i was secretly experimenting whenever i was alone . right now , i was attempting to see into the building across from ours . it would be useful if i could sense people or demons this way . i had a theory but needed to gather more data . pushing away all thoughts , i inhaled slowly , deeply . i visualized my mind as a large airy room that was empty of everything but delicate cream walls . it was my blank canvas . my mind was drifting towards the closest window when warm arms wrapped around me . images of him filled my entire mental room . with a small sense of satisfaction , i realized i had felt him coming . not just a person coming , but i knew without doubt , that it was sean . come here , beautiful . standing behind me , he fitted me against his erection and lifted my hair to expose my neck . as his tongue stroked the tender skin , i arched against him , wanting only to be closer , to be naked beside him . his skin was so hot that i peeled off the blanket i was wrapped in . underneath i wore only a pair of black yoga pants and a pale silk tank . he swept his tongue along my collarbone and up my throat , and i began to burn literally . suddenly feverish , my skin prickled with sweat . my head swam oddly . it wasnt just the effect of his kisses . this feeling was new .

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his arms were tightly wrapped around her middle , and she felt as though she were in the most secure place in all the world- in royce 's loving arms . content , catherine smiled , folded her arms over his and closed her eyes . `` what are we going to do , royce ? '' she felt the harsh sigh work its way across his chest . it was a question she was sure he 'd asked himself a hundred times . one that had hounded them both for weeks , and they were no closer now to a solution than they had been before . it went without saying that if they continued in this vein they were both going to be booted out of the navy . `` i never thought i 'd be jealous of my own daughter . '' `` of kelly ? '' catherine did n't understand . `` yes , of kelly . '' his grip around her middle tightened . `` she , at least , can spend the night with you . '' catherine grinned and nestled back in his arms . `` how do you think i felt learning that you sleep in a little slip of lace that 's all see-through on top ? '' catherine asked , twisting around . royce groaned . `` you could have lied ... i wish you had lied . '' `` did she also tell you i sleep on ivory-colored satin sheets ? '' `` no , she was merciful enough to skip over that part , '' he growled in her ear . `` oh , sweet heaven , it feels so good to hold you in my arms . i could get drunk on you . '' catherine was equally content , although she was likely to suffer in the morning . the console was digging into her hip , but it was a small price to pay for the pleasure of being in royce 's arms . `` you 're going to be all right now ? '' obviously i have a lot of unresolved feelings for my father . '' `` do n't get so philosophical . your mother is letting go of an important part of your lives together . it 's only natural for you to feel a certain amount of regret . '' there was a lot more than regret in that raging storm of tears that overtook her , but royce did n't know that . catherine had yet to fully comprehend the blitz of feelings herself . her emotions were hopelessly tangled . but it did n't matter , she could face anything or anyone as long as royce was by her side , as long as the man she loved would hold her tight . the orders royce received to conduct an under way inspection aboard the uss venture , a small service craft used by the base , seemed like a godsend . royce needed time away from bangor , and from catherine . the time away was essential to his peace of mind . three days aboard the venture would help him gain some perspective on what was happening between them . a hundred times he 'd told himself to stay away from her . they were playing with a lit stick of dyn**ite . the fact they were both doing it with their eyes wide open frustrated him even more . royce had done everything he knew to get her out of his mind . he 'd ignored her , pretended she did n't exist . when it came to dealing with her at the office , he made her a faceless name and tried to react to her that way . he 'd had women under his command before without there ever being so much as a hint of a problem . the difficulty was it did n't work . royce could n't ignore catherine any more than he could jump over the moon . he could n't look at her , even in the most impersonal way , and not hunger for the taste of her . it went without saying that a single taste would never satisfy him , and he knew it . he had to feel her , had to run his hands down the soft curving slopes of her body and experience for himself her ready response to his touch . some mornings he walked into the office and with one glance at her he 'd been forced to knot his hands at his sides just to keep from reaching for her . the ache would start then and last all day and sometimes long into the night . was it any wonder his men had come up with a few choice names for him while he was in his present state of mind ? the physical frustration was killing him , and as far as royce could tell it was going to get a hell of a lot worse before it got better . just when royce was foolish enough to believe he had everything under control , she 'd called him , weeping in the middle of the night . if he had n't been so starved for her , he might have been able to handle the situation differently . but the moment he 'd heard her weep , the urge to take her in his arms and comfort her had been overwhelming . already it was happening . what he swore never would . he arranged for them to meet in some out-of-the-way place where no one was likely to see them . royce justified the meeting , remembering how she 'd been there for him when kelly was in the hospital .

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p smiled and walked off to yell at someone in one of the other rings . he took the two students who previously had the ring with him , giving april and i our own ring to work . so how long have you been in the business ? april asked as she warmed up , bouncing off the ropes . just a few months , i said nervously . it was impossible to measure up . i saw your tape . youre pretty good to be so green , she replied . i remembered yegors advice . i didnt take the opportunity to brag or go into detail . i just laughed it off . that afternoon april and i went through the basics . she showed me how to do maneuvers with the camera angles in mind . april was super peppy as she showed me different little secrets id never known . i was sure to take it all in and not step on any toes , figuratively or literally . see when you come out of this corner , the camera is behind you , shed say , but when youre in the middle of the ring like this then the camera is in front of you . i noted all of the angles as best i could . i wanted to ask her so much about her match with laura that id seen weeks prior . it was truly an electric experience watching at home . i wanted to know an insiders take on it so when we finally got to the end of the days work and she asked if i had any questions i let her have it . i saw the match a few weeks back with you and laura grey . april gave me a big toothy smile . she was extremely proud of that match . theres really nothing like going out there in front of thirty thousand people all cheering you on . even when you know youre going to lose , you get that feeling from the crowd that just maybe youll pull it off . thats what makes it so special . i wanted to take it a step further and ask about laura directly but i decided not to press my luck . afterwards april asked me again about attending the show with her that night . so , you are coming with me to tampa tonight right ? i dont even know whats going on with my ride . i just got down here yesterday , i replied . whos your ride ? yegor . she cut her eyes away at the mention of his name . hes a unique character isnt he ? hes not bad once you get to know him , i replied . yiggy was never a people person . thats cool that you know him . anyways , ill drive you to your hotel then well hit the road . when i got to the hotel all of yegors stuff was gone . a handwritten note was scribbled on the hotel paper : paid for the month . -y *** the nights live television event was being held in tampas times forum arena . it was about an hour south from orlando . april spilled her guts to me the entire ride down . she talked about everything from school , to her love for the business , to her past relationships . i just took it all in , careful not to say anything to rock the boat . i think she was taking a real liking to me . when we got to the arena it was nothing like i remembered . thousands of fans mobbed around outside as they waited to get inside . we parked in a secure spot and entered the locker room . it was the first time id ever seen the backstage of a professional arena . there were several ladies warming up and chatting in the locker room . i followed april as she introduced me to everyone . and then we bumped into her , laura grey . lauras on-air demeanor was nothing compared to her real life arrogance . she had a vibe that said im way better than you and she had no problem letting anyone know it . april approached the 61 blonde amazon quietly . laura wasnt trying to talk . she had her beats headphones on . she was in her own world as she unpacked her gear in one of the lockers . i almost fainted as she pulled out the bright pink ladybird championship belt from her bag . the light was nearly blinding as it reflected off the gold emblems . laura finally noticed us ; she slung her headphones off and around her neck . april etched a big animated smile . i want to introduce you to one of the new trainees . laura , brianna . brianna , laura . laura gave me a head nod then extended her hand . i knew handshakes were a funny thing in this company . i gave her a stiff handshake with a smile . i was meeting a living legend in my eyes . her hands engulfed mine . she almost crushed me from the pressure of her grip . she had hands stronger than any man i knew . this was the most muscular woman id ever seen in my life . she was a real life gladiator . nice to meet you , laura said coldly as she released my hand . april smiled as she led me out of the female locker room to the main backstage area .

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kate could n't seem to move ; she could barely nod . clutching her purse , she stumbled along behind the nurse . `` my last mammogram was clear , you know . i do regular self-exams , too . '' she wished suddenly that johnny were here , holding her hand , telling her everything was going to be fine . or tully . she took a deep breath and tried to control her fear . once , several years ago , she 'd had a bad pap smear and needed a biopsy . it had ruined a weekend , waiting for results , but in the end she 'd been fine . remembering that , clinging to it like a life ring in cold , turbulent water , she followed the silent nurse to the office down the hall . the sign by the door read : the goodno foundation cancer care center . chapter thirty-three tully was awakened by the phone ringing . she came awake hard , looked around . it was 2:01 in the morning . she reached over and answered . `` is this tallulah hart ? '' `` my name is lori witherspoon . i 'm a nurse at harborview hospital . we have your mother here . dorothy hart . '' it looks like a drug overdose , but she was pretty badly beaten up , too . the police are waiting to question her . '' we found your name and number in her things . '' tully got dressed in record time and was on the road by 2:20 . she pulled into the parking lot at the hospital and went to the desk . i 'm here to see my mother , cl-uh , dorothy hart . '' `` sixth floor , ms. hart . go to the nurses ' desk . '' tully went upstairs and was directed to her mother 's room by a tiny woman in a pale orange nurse 's uniform . inside the shadowy room there were two beds . the one nearest the door was empty . she shut the door behind her , surprised to find that she was frightened . for the whole of her life , she 'd been wounded by her mother . she 'd loved her as a child , inexplicably ; hated her as a teenager ; and ignored her as a woman . cloud had broken her heart more times than she could count , and let her down on every possible occasion , and yet , even after all of that , tully could n't help feeling something for her . cloud was asleep . bruises covered her face , blackened one eye ; her lip was split open and seeped blood . short gray hair , apparently cut with a dull knife , was matted to her head . she did n't look anything like herself ; rather , she looked like a frail old woman who 'd been beaten by more than someone 's fists-by life itself . `` hey , cloud , '' tully said , surprised to find that her throat was tight . she gently stroked her mother 's temple , the only place on her face that was n't bloodied or bruised . as she felt the velvety soft skin , she realized that the last time she 'd touched her mother had been in 1970 , when they 'd held hands on that crowded seattle street . she wished she knew what to say to this woman , with whom she had a history but no present . so she just talked . she told her about the show and her life and how successful she 'd become . when that started to sound hollow and desperate , she talked about kate and their fight and how it had left her feeling so alone . as the words formed themselves and spilled out , tully heard the truth in them . losing the ryans and mularkeys had left her devastatingly alone . cloud was all she had left . `` we 're all alone in this world , have n't you figured that out by now ? '' tully had n't noticed her mother wake up , and yet she was conscious now , and looking at tully through tired eyes . `` hey , '' she said , smiling , wiping her eyes . `` i was n't asking what put you in the hospital . i was asking what happened to you . '' cloud flinched and turned away . i guess your precious grandmother never told you , huh ? '' this was the most meaningful conversation they 'd ever had ; she felt poised on the edge of some essential discovery that had eluded her for all her years . `` go away , tully . '' cloud turned her face into the pillow . her voice trembled on that question ; of course it did . `` why did n't you ever love me ? '' `` honestly , i wish i could . but you 're my mother . '' cloud turned back and stared at her , and for a moment , no longer than it took to blink , tully saw sadness in her mother 's eyes . `` you break my heart , '' she said quietly . `` you break mine , too . '' cloud smiled for a second . `` i could be what you need , but i ca n't .

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the facility itself was beautiful , small enough for personalized service and large enough to have everything available , and then some . their minimal luggage was portered to the top floor , the penthouse , converted for the moment into the bridal suite by changing to mostly white dcor , with plenty of flowers . again laura was both bemused and flattered by the boss lady title with which she was addressed . ryan seemed to take it all in stride , paying off the bell crew as they backed out , carefully placed the do not disturb sign on the doorknob . and closed the entrance door . the suite , beautiful in its own right , was made more so by the flowers and other amenities . the luggage had carefully been placed on stands in the master bedroom . ryan had been adamant about the amount of luggage they brought along . his reasoning was not at all illogical ; he said that unless they lived on an island all the time , most of their clothes would not be appropriate for resort wear and therefore she should not pack much . they would acquire what they needed as they went along . any unpacking could wait until morning since it was getting a little late and there was still one thing laura wanted to do , in bed , with this man , on their wedding night . later she would recall thinking to herself what an incongruous situation she had managed to place herself in : here she was with two children , about to go to bed with a man she loved very much , and her actual bedtime experience was so limited she didnt really know what to do to please him , or really how to start down that road . maybe a quick shower would help , and on the reasoning she needed to freshen up a bit , she retrieved a small package from wendys works and retreated momentarily to the her shower room . shower over quickly and now clad in what amounted to not much more than a postage stamp sized area of actual material , she looked at herself in the mirror , blushed at what she saw , strengthened her desire to gratify her husband , and donning one of the luxurious robes while waiting for the right moment to show off her wares , she went back to the bedroom . anticipating with much desire about what was to come , ryan said he also would jog through the shower , then they could begin the rest of their live together . robe wrapped around her , laura lay down on the big bed , trying to decide how to go about this . it wasnt a seduction by any means ; both of them wanted this moment , and had patiently waited until the time was right in every respect . both were mature adults , both had agreed that birth control was something they would talk about later ; for now , they agreed to not concern themselves about that issue . she also considered the smell of fresh coffee that permeated the room , and the brightness of the light that shown through her eyelids . that didnt seem to make any sense at all , and she was not quite ready to make love in the light since to date all of her experience had been in the dark of night . trying to understand what was going on , laura opened one eye slowly , not realizing how long she had been soundly asleep , and saw.. ryan williams had indeed jogged through the shower , with visions of this beautiful , physically very attractive , and probably scantily clad woman of his dreams waiting in bed for him . roger had been right about one thing for sure : there was a testosterone rush in ryan williams he had not felt in a long time , and he would have to pace himself through stern self control for fear he would rush things when he wanted so much to be gentle and caring , making love not just having sex . having quickly considered all that , minimally clad himself , he returned to the bedroom with growing anticipation , to find this beautiful wife of his..sound asleep in the middle of the bed . ryan williams was a wise , thoughtful man , and one of his dreams was that when they made love , they would not be two people , but one person in two bodies , each acting for the benefit of the other , and he also knew this first time would have to wait a few more hours . carefully lying down beside her for the first time as her husband , he gently covered her , and was rewarded when she rolled to her side , pressing against him , and in her dreams wrapped an arm around him . the passion would be delayed a few hours . lauras slowly opened one eye and saw a man in a white robe sitting in the other room , sipping coffee and watching her . she was apparently still attired as when she climbed into the bed , robe and all , and now had a warming cover over her . it was bright because the sun was streaming in through the shaded windows . the dawn had arrived full throttle into a bright , crystal clear tropical day . worn down by the events of her wedding day , the new mrs. williams had fallen fast asleep on her wedding night .

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it appears like it all evaporated into steam with you two heating it up in here . lauren 's sister smiled at them . chase could n't help it , he smiled back and chuckled . lauren glared at him , pushed him away , then straightened her clothes . the pump is broken . i 'll go in and call billy right now and see if he can come repair it . she turned to go , but chase reached out and took her arm . he watched her eyes heat . it will be repaired . it needs to be hauled to the scrap yard . lauren , you need a new pump . she let out a large breath and looked at her sister . go on up to the house . her sister 's eyes got big and she slowly crossed her arms over her chest . i 'm not some child you can boss around . alex looked between chase and lauren , then let out a large theatrical sigh . she turned around and walked away , leaving the door wide open . lauren turned back to chase and for a second he thought she was going to start yelling at him . listen , chase . i appreciate all that you 've done for us in the past , but i 've been running saddleback ranch for the last seven years . i know what needs to be done around here . if i say the water pump needs fixing , then that 's what 'll happen . i ca n't afford to replace it just yet and the repair will have to hold until i can . lauren , you have a pile of money that 's been sitting in the bank downtown for the past six years . and i know for a fact you have n't touched a dime of it to fix this place up . he held up his finger when she started to interrupt him . this place is in dire need of some major repairs . so you can either own up to the fact that this thinghe pointed to the large pumpneeds replacing or you can call billy all the way out here and have him tell you it 's beyond repair . she crossed her arms over her chest and looked over at the old pump . she was silent for the longest time and he thought he could see tears building in her eyes . i 'll go call him now . she turned and started walking out of the building , but then stopped in the doorway and looked back at him . the light behind her caused a halo to form around her dark hair , highlighting the honey richness hidden within the darker tresses . i do n't appreciate you interfering in the ranch . we had a deal , and unless you 're going back on it , you 'll stay out of my way . she turned and was gone before he could think of a reply . the twenty-year-old chase had made a foolish deal . he 'd been young and had desperately wanted something . now , after seven years , he knew he did n't want tonohe could n't keep their original deal . he 'd just have to amend some of the smaller points . he walked to the door and watched her stomp her way through the light rain to the back door of the old house . the place needed a lot of repair . over the last six years , she 'd chosen to put money into their joint checking account instead of doing what needed to be done to repair the old place . the white paint needed to be sandblasted and repainted . the whole roof needed repairing . even the back deck was tilting to one side . he 'd only seen the kitchen and dining rooms briefly last night when he 'd been over for dinner , but he could tell the old stove was a fire hazard and the refrigerator looked like it was from the sixties . he doubted the upstairs had fared any better . it had pissed him off seeing how she 'd forced her family to live , choosing to be hardheaded about paying him back instead of using her money to live more comfortably . hell , the small house he lived in at the edge of her property looked better cared for then her own place . at least she knew better than to let her employees live in shambles . he pushed off from the door frame and walked a few feet in the direction the snake had gone . it was n't normally his policy to kill an animal , but he knew the darn thing would find its way back to the cool building , and most likely next time he would n't be there to pull lauren away to safety . it took less than two minutes before he heard the rattle and sliced the head off the large snake with the shovel he 'd carried from the pump building . digging a small hole , he tossed the body into it and covered it up . when he turned to put the shovel back , he noticed lauren standing on the back deck , scowling at him . he reached up and tilted his cowboy hat and smiled the biggest smile he could . she glared at him and then turned to go back in the house . all during his short drive into town , he thought about that kiss .

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lulu cried , bouncing in her seat . jolene looked down at her youngest . `` someone loves the word cake . '' lulu raised her hand . jolene sat down next to lulu and held out her hands . her daughter immediately smacked her palms against jolene 's . `` patty-cake , patty-cake , baker 's man , make me a ... '' jolene paused , watching lulu 's face light up with expectation . `` make me a pool as fast you can . dig it and scrape it and fill it with blue , and i 'll go swimming with my lu-lu . '' jolene gave her daughter one last pat of the hands and then got up to make breakfast . `` go get dressed , betsy . precisely on time , jolene ushered the girls into the car . she drove lulu to preschool , dropped her off with a fierce kiss , and then drove to the middle school , which sat on the knoll of a huge , grassy hillside . pulling into the carpool lane , she slowed and came to a stop . `` do not get out of the car , '' betsy said sharply from the shadows of the backseat . `` you 're wearing your uniform . '' `` i guess i do n't get a pass on my birthday . '' jolene glanced at her daughter in the rearview mirror . in the past few months , her lovable , sweet-tempered tomboy had morphed into this hormonal preteen for whom everything was a potential embarrassment-especially a mom who was not sufficiently like the other moms . `` wednesday is career day , '' she reminded her . betsy groaned . `` do you have to come ? '' `` your teacher invited me . i promise not to drool or spit . '' `` that is so not funny . no one cool has a mom in the military . you wo n't wear your flight suit , will you ? '' `` it 's what i do , betsy . i think you'd- '' `` whatever . '' betsy grabbed up her heavy backpack-not the right one , apparently ; yesterday she 'd demanded a new one-and climbed out of the car and rushed headlong toward the two girls standing beneath the flagpole . they were what mattered to betsy these days , those girls , sierra and zoe . betsy cared desperately about fitting in with them . apparently , a mother who flew helicopters for the army national guard was tres embarrassing . as betsy approached her old friends , they pointedly ignored her , turning their backs on her in unison , like a school of fish darting away from danger . jolene tightened her grip on the steering wheel , cursing under her breath . betsy looked crestfallen , embarrassed . her shoulders fell , her chin dropped . she backed away quickly , as if to pretend she 'd never really run up to her once-best friends in the first place . alone , she walked into the school building . jolene sat there so long someone honked at her . she felt her daughter 's pain keenly . if there was one thing jolene understood , it was rejection . had n't she waited forever for her own parents to love her ? she had to teach betsy to be strong , to choose happiness . no one could hurt you if you did n't let them . a good offense was the best defense . finally , she drove away . bypassing the town 's morning traffic , she took the back roads down to liberty bay . at the driveway next to her own , she turned in , drove up to the neighboring house-a small white manufactured home tucked next to a car-repair shop-and honked the horn . her best friend , tami flynn , came out of house , already dressed in her flight suit , with her long black hair coiled into a severe twist . jolene would swear that not a single wrinkle creased the coffee-colored planes of tami 's broad face . tami swore it was because of her native american heritage . tami was the sister jolene had never had . they 'd been teenagers when they met-a pair of eighteen-year-old girls who had joined the army because they did n't know what else to do with their lives . both had qualified for the high school to flight school helicopter-pilot training program . a passion for flying had brought them together ; a shared outlook on life had created a friendship so strong it never wavered . they 'd spent ten years in the army together and then moved over to the guard when marriage-and motherhood-made active duty difficult . four years after jolene and michael moved into the house on liberty bay , tami and carl had bought the land next door . tami and jolene had even gotten pregnant at the same time , sharing that magical nine months , holding each other 's fears in tender hands .

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hundreds of women was quite a stretch , even for a man of his appetite , and he had n't fed said appetite in over a year . the butler heaved a deep sigh , which spoke volumes , then looked behind phillip as if to make sure nobody knew he was entering their house , and quickly ushered him in . his pride would have been pricked had he any left , but instead , he was grateful the butler had insight phillip had n't . and even more grateful that the duke 's butler had been reading his papers , for he had tea and biscuits brought in from the kitchens . food was n't that scarce yet at phillip 's house , but good hot tea was . nodding his head in a silent thank you , phillip ate , and then he waited . as he finished the last of the biscuits and his tea began to cool , emma rushed in with sebastian at her side . she tapped sebastian across the chest with her glove . `` i was just telling him this morning after reading the papers that you would be desperate enough to take me up on my offer . '' `` ah , desperate . '' rawlings rose so he could bow to the duchess . `` a word i 've been overusing as of late . and yes , you are correct in your assumption . did you know someone threw an apple at me this morning ? and the number of lovers i 've had has tripled over night . imagine my shock to wake up in my bed alone whilst i was apparently debauching half of london . '' frustrated , phillip had n't meant to announce all that information to the duchess , but he was at his wit 's end . had he just said debauch in front of the duchess of tempest ? she burst out laughing , as did sebastian . `` glad to amuse you this morning , '' phillip grumbled and reached for his tea . `` i need a wife and fast . '' sebastian closed the door to the salon and took a seat . `` now , answer the question . '' swallowing a bit of tea before answering , phillip said , `` before my birthday . '' to his credit , sebastian did not swear , nor did he laugh . he merely stared at phillip as if he had just announced that the world would end in two days , and that he was , in fact , god , come to pass judgment on the entirety of london . emma said , gliding to the settee . `` after all , your birthday is n't until ... '' she looked away and closed her eyes . `` get there faster , love , '' sebastian mumbled . you 've never been one for numbers . he has less than three months to not only change his reputation , but find a woman willing to trust him . '' it was always reassuring when one 's friends had such faith in his abilities . `` should i just leave then ? am i that hopeless ? '' phillip swallowed , the fear rising in his chest . `` i am aware i 've been compared to the devil himself . '' `` it 's not so bad as that , is it ? '' emma 's voice held the optimism that phillip lacked . `` after all , you did help sebastian and me . '' phillip tensed . `` yes , but it seems one good deed is n't enough to erase all the bad . '' `` well , this will be too easy . '' emma took a sip of tea . `` men , always thinking with logic rather than strategy . what we need is to clean up his reputation-make an announcement of sorts that he 's starting a charity , wishes to marry for love rather than connections . but we 'll have to change a few things . '' she looked him up and down before glancing away and sighing . `` change things ? '' even as he asked it , he knew the answer . his hair was unfashionably long , curling around his ears . his face had n't a good shave in two days , and then he looked at his clothes . always black and white . `` i see , '' he mumbled , suddenly wishing the tea was laced with brandy . `` i do n't have the money to completely change my wardrobe and way of life , emma . '' `` is she always this vague ? '' `` yes , but i 've come to accept her the way she is , flaws and all . '' `` gentleman , we 've some shopping to do . if you 'll just give me a moment , i 'll notify abigail that we 'll be gone for the afternoon and unable to receive any callers . after all , time is short . we ca n't afford to waste even as much as an hour . '' at the mention of abigail 's name phillip 's chest constricted . `` will she be joining us ? '' `` doubtful , '' emma said , rising from her seat .

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4159], ["doubtful", 4179]]

dispatchers came and went with regularity in most departments . the job did not pay enough to offset the high level of stress . but in ours , thanks to zee 's vile tongue and perfectionist nature , we went through them quicker than dogs went through dog food . `` head to three-one-five cooper court . '' `` anyone on-scene ? '' he 's been ordered to secure only , then wait for you . '' brad was on early , too . we must really be strapped . `` i assume creepy crawly found you . '' i shot a glance at mandenauer , but he continued to stare through the windshield as if he could n't hear every word that was said . `` he 's right next to me . '' ask him the details . '' zee clicked off . i replaced the receiver , cleared my throat . `` urn ... she 's not - `` `` nice ? '' `` for want of a better word . '' `` do not worry , jessie . i have dealt with far worse than zelda hupmen in my life . '' considering his life span , i had no doubt he was right . i nodded and moved on . `` a wolf went through the window of a residence . '' cooper court might be at the edge of town , but it was still town . a new subdivision complete with minivans , bicycles , and kids . i hit the lights and the siren . `` the wolf was injured from the glass and no doubt disoriented . it ran around the house , and when the owner tried to direct it outside , the animal bit him , then left through the hole in the window . '' `` obviously this is one of our special wolves . '' `` why obviously ? '' `` wolves do n't come near people . they particularly do n't come into town , or dive through windows in the middle of suburbia . the only known wolf attacks on people have been by rabid wolves or wolf-dog hybrids . '' i was n't sure , but i thought his gaze became a bit more interested . `` you 've been doing research , officer . '' `` you 'd be amazed at what i 've learned , '' i muttered , thinking about cadotte and his werewolf army . but i was n't going to share that little delusion with manden-auer . not when he 'd finally stopped treating me like some kid who did n't know her job . i killed the siren several blocks from cooper court . no reason to wake the entire neighborhood . unfortunately , that had already been done . as we turned into the small subdivision at the edge of town , an electric halo pressed against the night sky . every house blazed like a christmas tree ; every yard light blared . people milled about on their lawns , in the street , in various states of dress and undress . i had to slow to a crawl to avoid rolling over a citizen . i shut off the revolving red dome and ignored the questions people shouted as we passed . there would be no keeping this quiet any longer . brad had done a good job with the scene . he 'd taped off the entire yard and stood in front of the door . a few other summer cops formed a loose circle at the perimeter . my estimation of brad 's intelligence climbed several notches . the house was like a hundred others in miniwa - a ranch that resembled a log cabin - except this one sported a great big hole where the front window ought to be . glass sprinkled across the bushes and sidewalk , catching the lights and shining like icicles on a moonlit night . but there was no moon - or rather there was , but it was hidden behind thick , smoky clouds . not a glimpse could be seen ; not a star lit the sky . i pulled into the driveway and we got out of the car , leaving our weapons behind . though with mandenauer wearing enough ammo to start a small war , i 'm sure we made quite an impression on the nightly news cameraman , whom i saw filming us from the street . `` jessie , thank god ! '' brad was glad to see me . things must be worse than i thought . i pointed to mandenauer , who muttered , `` we 've met . '' well , that saved me from being polite . my favorite way to work . brad glanced at the street . people lined the yellow border tape , practically hanging over it in their eagerness to hear what we were saying . the television camera was trained right on us , and the reporter watched our mouths with an eagle eye . i 'd bet my next doughnut she could read lips . all three of us stepped inside . considering the fiasco at the medical examiner 's office , i was surprised the press had n't been more avidly on my ass - or at least clyde 's . but without the bodies there was n't much of a story beyond that . after tonight , there would be . the low rumble of voices from the living room drew my attention . `` the victim and his wife . ''

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i saw a specific bracelet that i loved more than all the others in the shop . it was a golden bracelet with a chain that was lined with rubies . the rubies glinted and sparkled in the light . there was the word forever outlined in diamonds on the front . the way the sparkled and shimmered was like a piece of artwork and i had never seen anything quite so beautiful in my entire life . i felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind . hunter had snapped me out of my trance . his eyes were sparkling just like the jewels were . he asked , watching the bracelet as it rotated under the glass . no , no i do n't want it . there was no way i was going to let him blow money like that on me . hunter just shook his head and started fishing his wallet out of his pocket . hunter , no ! i cried , trying to snatch it from his hand . he held it above his head . i grabbed his arm and pulled the wallet down , but he maneuvered it to the other hand and got it out of my reach . i grabbed at it again , but he pinned my arms behind my back and grinned cheekily at me . i struggled , but he just laughed at my sad attempt . his biceps were bulging a little though and i thought i might actually be giving him a bit of a challenge . i liked that ... i liked being a challenge . what ya gon na do now , love ? he teased , tightening his grip . i laughed and wiggled a little more , but eventually got tired and gave up . he went to the counter while i watched him from behind just shaking my head . i watched as he fished hundred dollar bills out of my pocket . i grabbed him and spun him around . you can't- i protested . he laid a sweet kiss on my lips cutting me off . i fell back a little , stunned by his kiss . he grinned at me cheekily and laid the money down on the counter . the worker exchanged the bracelet for the money and hunter fiddled clumsily with the clasp trying desperately to get it opened . he laid it delicately on my wrist and clasped it . he lifted my wrist gently so that the diamonds would catch the light and sparkle . i whispered , lightly running a finger across the engrave word . he said , cupping my face . i blushed and scuffed my shoe against the wooden floor . he noticed my resistance and intertwined my fingers with his . he led me out of the store , the minute we exited the cameras stormed at us , the flashes like miniature lightning strikes lighting our path . my name was being called at every angle and so was hunter 's . hunter tried to push through the crowd , but he was polite to everyone and a poised smile remained plastered on his face . his expression was calm , his face open and undisturbed . i on the other hand was about to completely loose it . i had never had so many people around me in my entire life , never had before i experienced so many eyes glued to me . hunter must have felt me trembling because he tightened the grip on my hand and pulled me through the crowd a little more quickly . he draped an arm over my shaking body . i smiled gratefully up at him for helping me dodge a nervous breakdown . we walked on down the street for a little while . girls stopped us and begged hunter for a picture about every five minutes which was a bit irritating to me , but i realized that they were his fans and he loved them dearly so i tolerated it . every girl that approached him was always stunning and seemed to be especially friendly to him . it honestly made me want to through my hands up , walk away , and give up . why was he here with me anyway ? the day went on , and pretty soon it was dark out . hunter looked up at the stars and a twinkle filled his eyes . he whispered mischievously . i hesitantly followed him into a building and into an elevator . he said , a smile gracing his lips . the elevator stopped and the doors opened wide . i stepped out onto a rooftop . a huge gust of wind hit me the minute i stepped off the elevator and i was bombarded by a loud sound . my hair flew into my face and i was nearly knocked off balance . the sound i was hearing sounded kind of like something was knifing through the air . finally , my hair blew out of my eyes and i gained my vision back . hunter , are we at a helipad ? yes , hop on ! he cried , over the loud sound . i looked up at the helicopter blades chopping through the air and letting of mighty gusts of wind . my hair swished this way and that as i fought against the wind to make it to the helicopter . hunter went in first then grabbed my hand and helped me up as well . he put a headset on and then put one on me as well . you look pretty with that headset . he yelled over the sound . i smiled at him then turned my attention to the window as we took off .

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that did n't forgive him for what he did , but he accepted it for what it was . she wanted to know what happened if she tempted him ? well , for any other person he could resist temptation , but there was something about jessika that ruined his resolve . afterwards , talking with beatrice in the patient room , he felt a distinct pang of regret . just a few minutes earlier he 'd taken jessika upon the very table on which he now sat . his imagination created evidence out of nothing , concocting an obvious wet spot on the table and convincing him that beatrice was spending far too much time staring at the trash can . he did n't actually think she looked at the trash can more than once , and only with vague disinterest , but ... `` asher , '' beatrice said . `` i really think we should find another doctor . i do n't think this place has the right amount of prestige for our liking . '' `` there 's no place better . doctor fairheart is one of the best , too . she has a very high success rate with this and she knows what she 's doing . i did my research and she answered my questions satisfactorily when i spoke with her on the phone the other day . it was just a fluke with the lock . `` but her tone , '' beatrice said . `` she 's so ... so ... uncouth ! '' `` i 'm sure you 'd like her if you got to know her . shall i invite her to dinner ? that might be nice , do n't you think ? jeremy can join us , and jessika , of course . '' please do n't even joke about that . the next thing you 're going to suggest is we all gather in the living room and watch a movie together while eating pizza . '' `` that would be nice , '' asher said , thinking back to when he 'd done that exact thing with jessika just a few nights past . `` why ca n't you be serious ? '' she furrowed her brow and glared at him . `` maybe i 'm overexaggerating a tiny bit , but i still do n't know if we can trust her . i just wish you 'd be more serious , though . this is a very serious procedure and a life-changing event . do you want to have some child with severe deformities ? i do n't know about you , but i could n't handle it . ... with the doctor 's visit behind me , and beatrice apparently calmed down enough to have a normal conversation , the rest of the day passed uneventfully . i went back with jeremy to asher 's guest house . beatrice and asher went to the main house , presumably to talk or something . i was glad to be away from her , since it gave me time to think and it made me less nervous . `` so , sounds like you had a great time , '' jeremy said . i rolled my eyes while he grinned at me . `` why is she like that ? '' `` i guess she 's always been that way ? she 's the kind of rich person that you can tell is a rich person , because she wo n't let you think otherwise . asher 's kind of obvious when he suits up , trying to look nice for business , but otherwise you probably could n't tell . like when he plays basketball he just looks regular , you know ? beatrice never wants to even consider being regular , let alone looking it . that 's just how she is . '' `` i guess i can understand , '' i said . `` i mean , i do n't really understand it , but maybe if i were rich i 'd understand better . i suppose when you have the money , you can do whatever you like . not that it 's right , but why should she care ? yeah , that might be it . '' i sighed and fell onto the couch , staring at the ceiling . `` i want some cheesecake , '' i said , completely out of the blue . caramel pecan turtle cheesecake like they have at the cheesecake factory sometimes . mmmmm ... '' `` you want to go ? '' `` ... with the chocolate icing swirls on the edge and the lines of caramel drizzled on the top and ... '' `` look , lady , you want to go get some food or what ? i 'm starving over here after driving some chick around all day and i could go for a bite to eat . '' `` did you just call me a chick ? '' `` what kind of shoe does a chick even wear ? are we talking about a baby chicken or are you being some chauvinist pig ? '' i could n't help but grin , even though i tried to say everything as serious as possible . `` if you were a chicken , this might be easier . you could just lay an egg for asher and let beatrice sit on it . '' `` that would n't be nearly as fun as hav**g s*x with him , '' i blurted out .

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but , when i stepped inside the sanctuary , he was n't there . dimitri was , however . he sat in the last pew . he was n't praying or kneeling or anything . he just sat there , looking quite relaxed . although he was n't a practicing member of the church , he 'd told me he often found peace there . it gave him a chance to think about his life and the deeds he 'd done . i always thought he looked good , but just then , something about him nearly made me come to a standstill . maybe it was because of the background , all the polished wood and colorful icons of saints . maybe it was just the way the candlelight shone on his dark hair . maybe it was just because he looked unguarded , almost vulnerable . he was normally so wound up , so on edge ... but even he needed the occasional moment of rest . he seemed to glow in my eyes , kind of in the way lissa always did . his normal tension returned when he heard me come in . `` rose , is everything okay ? '' he started to stand , and i motioned him down as i slid into the spot beside him . the faint smell of incense lingered in the air . `` yeah ... well , kind of . no breakdowns , if that 's what you 're worried about . or , well , a theory . '' i explained the conversation with alice and what i 'd deduced from it . he listened patiently , expression thoughtful . `` i know alice . i 'm not sure she 's credible , '' he said when i finished . it was similar to what he 'd said about victor . but a lot of it makes sense . '' as you pointed out , why are your visions so irregular here ? that does n't go along with the ward theory . you should feel like you did on the plane . '' `` what if the wards are just weak ? '' wards take months to wear down . new ones are put in place here every two weeks . '' `` that often ? '' i asked , unable to hide my disappointment . i 'd known maintenance was frequent but not that frequent . alice 's theory had almost provided a sound explanation , one that did n't involve me being insane . `` maybe they 're getting staked , '' i suggested . `` by humans or something - like we saw before . '' `` guardians walk the grounds a few times a day . if there was a stake in the borders of campus , we 'd notice . '' dimitri moved his hand over mine , and i flinched . he did n't remove it , though , and as he did so frequently , guessed my thoughts . `` you thought if she was right , it would explain everything . '' `` i do n't want to be crazy . '' `` you are n't crazy . '' `` but you do n't believe i 'm really seeing ghosts . '' he glanced away , his eyes staring at the flickering of candles on the altar . i 'm still trying to keep an open mind . and being stressed is n't the same as being crazy . '' `` i know , '' i admitted , still very conscious of how warm his hand was . i should n't have been thinking about things like that in a church . `` but ... well ... there 's something else ... . '' i told him then about anna possibly `` catching '' vladimir 's insanity . i also explained adrian 's aura observations . he turned his gaze back on me , expression speculative . `` have you told anyone else about this ? your counselor ? '' `` no , '' i said in a small voice , unable to meet his eyes . `` i was afraid of what they 'd think . '' you are n't afraid of throwing yourself in the path of danger , but you 're terrified of letting anyone in . '' i do n't know , '' i said , looking up at him . `` because you told me i should trust people . `` you do n't trust lissa ? '' `` i trust her , absolutely . but i do n't want to tell her things that 'll make her worry . i guess it 's a way of protecting her , just like keeping strigoi away . '' `` she 's stronger than you think , '' he said . `` and she would go out of her way to help you . '' you want me to confide in her and not you ? '' `` no , i want you to confide in both of us . i think it 'd be good for you . does what happened to anna bother you ? '' i think the admission stunned both of us . i certainly had n't expected to say it . we both froze for a moment , and then dimitri wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest . a sob built up in me as i rested my cheek against the leather of his coat and heard the steady beating of his heart . `` i do n't want to be like that , '' i told him . `` i want to be like everyone else .

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at least you and i wo n't be spending all our time on the road now , '' she added with a laugh . `` faith , listen , i 've been doing some thinking , and i 've decided it might not be wise to continue seeing each other . '' how he managed to get the words out , he did n't know . his heart screamed that he should stop . that he should withdraw the words , pretend he 'd never said them . bracing his hand against his forehead , he leaned his elbow on the desk . a short pause followed his announcement . if her joy had irritated him earlier , her pain left him raw . `` then can i ask why you 've made this decision ? '' he thought about that , too , and how unjust he was being . she took a moment to absorb his remark . `` i 'm not a teenage girl anymore , troy . our relationship went wrong all those years ago through no fault of ours . now , please tell me what 's wrong . i deserve to know that much . '' she did , and he had to tell her . `` your daughter ... '' `` my daughter might have ms. '' faith gasped . `` oh , troy . `` i 've never told her about you and i ca n't now . '' `` no , i do n't suppose you can , '' she agreed sadly . `` when you move to cedar cove ... '' he could n't ask her not to move because it was n't his right to do so . but at the same time , seeing her around town would be agony . `` i 've already made that decision , troy . you were one reason , but there are others , including my son and his family . '' he closed his eyes in an effort to control his feelings . he loved faith . he 'd loved her while they were in high school and he loved her now . whether she lived in seattle or cedar cove did n't matter . his love for her was n't going to change . `` it might be best if you started seeing someone else , '' he said , disregarding the pain it caused him to say that . her lack of response filled him with dread . after a minute she said , `` is that what you want , troy ? do you really want me to see another man ? '' `` it might be best , '' he repeated . `` i do n't think so , but i understand why you feel that way . '' `` i 'm sorry , faith . i wish this had worked out for us , but it 's not going to happen . '' `` i 'll be praying for you and your daughter . '' he thought he heard her swallow a sob . `` goodbye , faith . '' forty linnette had been working for buffalo bob nearly two months now , and she had to admit she 'd grown attached to this town called buffalovalley . the people were open and friendly , yet they respected her privacy and never asked questions she did n't want to answer . pete mason . he 'd taken to dropping by 3 of a kind for meals as often as two or three times a week-which would n't bother her if all he did was eat . oh , no , whenever he came to the restaurant , he made some remark or other about the things she 'd blurted out after the tornado . in fact , he did n't even seem to know he was embarrassing her with his rude comments . once , he 'd actually brought her popcorn from the town 's lone theater . the stuff dripped with so much melted butter that it leaked through the bag . he 'd presented it to her in front of half a dozen patrons , bowing low and making a spectacle of himself and consequently of her . all because she 'd casually mentioned one day that she liked popcorn . okay , linnette was willing to confess that she ate the popcorn later-alone in her room . `` pete likes you , '' merrily told her early on saturday afternoon . this was a discussion linnette did n't want to have . if pete mason was the slightest bit attracted to her , he would 've asked her out on a date by now . there 'd certainly been plenty of opportunities . he 'd shown more interest in the meat loaf and mashed potato special than in her . as far as she could tell , the only reason he made the long trek into town was so he could humiliate her with all the personal information she 'd revealed . the grange dance was coming up that evening and nearly everyone in town planned to attend . because most people were going to be at the dance , bob and merrily were closing the restaurant . `` i bet pete will be there tonight , '' merrily said , shooting her a secretive little smile . linnette let that pass . she cleared away the dishes and wiped the counter . the breakfast hour had passed , and the number of customers wandering into the restaurant had slowed to a trickle .

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chapter nine the euro techno beat of the nightclub took over her brain waves within about ten seconds . it was n't so much the pounding as it was the actual syncopation of the beats and the electronic sounds that drilled a kind of thrumming through her body , focused all the way to a pinpoint at the tip of her clit . it was music designed to move bodies , to encourage people to push bodies against each other , and in its mimic of lovemaking rhythms , it spurred desire . she was n't exactly looking to encourage desire inside her . a steady dose of vibrator-induced orgasms had been her only sexual diet , and like any diet consisting of only one food group , it was n't satisfying . while she would certainly enjoy meeting someone in the abstract , in reality she had that pesky problem of still being in love with matt jones , or mike bournham , or fuckhead-whatever you wanted to call him . jeremy had been the one to suggest the nightclub , and she 'd reluctantly agreed . still struggling to understand exactly what his role was here , she 'd come to view him as a goofy , temporary friend , someone to spend time with and converse with , and to break up the monotony of her non-work time . otherwise , she still viewed him with suspicion , if mike had actually sent him here to watch over her . attraction was evident , so what was this cover story really about ? as her own interest in him simmered , threatening to boil over , she found his story too flimsy . a weirdo , right ? jeremy was n't that weird ; he was just privileged , spoiled in some ways . who had the opportunity to travel like he had for over a decade ? to skip the worry of needing a paycheck and of having a steady home ? she was certainly jealous in some ways , but who would n't be ? her own ambitions would never get her to the level of money that he and mike had acquired so young . stop thinking about mike , she told herself . pretty soon all she would think was boom , boom , boom , boom , the beat of the music taking over . `` there , '' jeremy said , weaving through the crowd , holding two sloppy glasses of some kind of drink above half the people 's heads . mostly the women , because the men were about as tall as jeremy . she took the drink and sipped eagerly , enjoying the cool bite of what turned out to be a cosmo . not fearing jeremy , or even worrying that he was coming on to her , she found herself drinking the cocktail quickly , less worried about getting drunk and more concerned about getting numb . between the music and the alcohol , maybe she could make the keening for mike fade a little bit more . that damn dream last night . tactile sensations that had been so vivid she could almost feel jeremy 's breath against her shoulder right now . face burning with the memory , her core clamped down , a wave of fire filling her pores . or maybe that was the alcohol taking over . the strange mixture of desire for him and knowing that he would n't push made lydia want to drink more , to loosen up and let go , to drop whatever jumble of thoughts had taken over these past few days and just be . ever proficient at self-delusion , as the alcohol kicked in , she had to admit , layer by layer loosening , that she was attracted to jeremy , too . too soon , she thought , it 's too soon . look what mike had done-he 'd invented this entire scenario for the sake of promoting his company , sacrificing her as the billion-view whore . all for the sake of winning some corporate version of a bet with the board of directors . who does that to someone ? on the other hand , jeremy had pleaded mike 's case . given her insight into the man 's behavior . maybe if mike answered a single text , voicemail , or call . silence told her nothing . what it shouted was one , simple answer : there was no hope . she shook her head and jeremy shouted over the crowd , `` you okay ? '' his head was bent down , his face screwed up with concern . `` the drink a problem ? '' `` do n't do it-it 's dangerous for your health . '' lydia smiled , flashing more brilliance at him than she was probably capable of going forward this evening . `` get me another drink so that i can be healthier and think less . '' `` that 's ma'am , '' she shouted over the crowd . asses brushed against her hip and she swore a hand grabbed the edge of her breast as a throng of people crushed her into a support post at the periphery of the dance floor . she looked around for jeremy , but in the sea of tall guys with brown , wavy hair , he faded into the background .

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she had n't dared to hope she 'd hear from him . `` i wanted to tell you what a pleasure it was to meet you last week . '' the expression was commonplace , but she meant it sincerely . `` i 'm going to be in the seattle area again soon . '' `` that 's ... wonderful . '' she wished her voice was n't so breathless . `` it 's another show . '' `` of your work ? '' `` no , a friend of mine . '' shirley waited for him to continue . `` i 'm calling to ask if you 'd be free to join me . '' `` i would , '' she said , regardless of the details . `` it 's on sunday the twenty-seventh . '' she bit her lip , embarrassed that she no longer seemed to know any other words . `` i can get a third invitation if you 'd like to include will . '' no , that is n't necessary . '' `` i arrive early saturday and fly out monday morning . '' `` would you like to come to cedar cove ? '' she asked , and immediately regretted it . she imagined how awkward it would be if they ran into will jefferson . `` perhaps , '' he said , `` but i have commitments in seattle on saturday . '' shirley felt gauche for having made the suggestion . larry was an important artist , a celebrity , and he had better things to do than visit cedar cove . `` would it be possible to see you on sunday ? have dinner after the show ? '' `` no ... i mean , yes , it would be possible . '' every time she opened her mouth she seemed to say something stupid . she had to wonder why larry wanted to see her at all . he sounded pleased , which only added to shirley 's delight . `` i 'm so glad you called , '' she said . `` i did n't expect to hear from you , and , well , i 'm ... more than a little flattered . '' it was probably all wrong to tell him that , to be so effusive , but she did n't care . they talked for another five minutes while they made arrangements . he 'd send a car for her and , if he could manage it , he 'd come with the car , although at this point that looked doubtful . as he spoke , shirley got a pen and pad from the kitchen junk drawer and wrote it all down , certain that if she did n't she 'd forget every word . as soon as she was off the phone , shirley rushed down the hallway to her daughter 's bedroom and threw open the door . tanni lay on her bed , cell phone in hand , text messaging . `` you 'll never guess who that was ! '' tanni looked up with a bored expression . `` hugh jackman . '' larry knight . '' tanni gaped at her . `` the larry knight . the artist ? '' `` did he say anything about shaw ? '' it had n't even occurred to shirley to ask . `` no , he did n't , '' she said , feeling a little guilty . the hope that had flared in tanni 's eyes was quickly extinguished . `` he asked me on a date , '' shirley told her . `` a date with you ? '' shirley knew it probably sounded as inconceivable to her daughter as it did to her that larry knight had asked her out . shirley nodded , trying not to act too happy when her daughter was so miserable over shaw . still , she could n't quite contain her joy as she hurried back to the kitchen . she could hardly wait to tell miranda about this . sixteen charlotte sat in her favorite chair , doing her favorite thing-knitting . her fingers were as busy as her mind and although she 'd knit this same sweater a number of times she kept making small mistakes that she had to rip out , kept needing to refer to the pattern . she 'd been so distracted and forgetful . she blamed it on this stress caused by her husband 's son , david . ben had turned on the television and sat staring at it , apparently engrossed , although she doubted either of them was concentrating on the evening news . `` ben , '' charlotte finally said . he glanced away from the tv and looked at her . `` let 's ask olivia . she knows about the law in situations like this . '' she did n't elaborate ; there was no need to . ben knew very well that she was talking about david 's daughter , noelle . ben 's mouth thinned . charlotte had no intention of pressuring him . ben loved his little granddaughter and had already taken financial measures to secure her future . his son 's actions had devastated him-and this was n't the first time . david had a history of hurtful and irresponsible behavior , which included `` borrowing '' money from ben . money that was rarely ever repaid .

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reaching the end of the hallway , she straightened her vest , tightened the string under her chin holding the hat firmly in place , and opened the door . she found herself looking at what appeared to be a small underground city . she could see a saloon , a sign for a bathhouse , and a chinese laundry . walking into the crowd , she ambled along , stunned to see so many people wandering around below the city . trying to blend in , she listened to several conversations , but did n't pick up any good leads that would help satisfy her mission . following a group of men into a saloon , she found an empty place on the end of a long bar and ordered a sarsaparilla . the bartender gave her an odd look , but did n't ask any questions when she handed him a coin and nodded her head in thanks . she did not intend to drink anything , but thought people would pay less attention to her if she looked like she was nursing a drink . casting a glance around the room without raising her head , she took in a group of men sitting at a nearby table who were dusty and a little disheveled , but seemed to be having a good time . turning their direction , she listened to their conversation as they played cards . caught up in the tales of ranching and life on the trail , she did n't notice the saloon girl sidle up next to her until she felt someone squeeze her arm . `` hey , sugar , ai n't seen you round here afore , '' the girl said , leaning to press herself against aundy 's side . `` you 're a little shy , are n't you ? '' aundy thought she might die right there of embarrassment . raising her head just enough to take in the girl 's face , she was surprised to see someone who was extremely young . if she scrubbed off the makeup and dressed in respectable clothes , the girl would probably be quite pretty . guessing her to be around sixteen , aundy thought the girl 's eyes held a haunted look , the gaze of one who had lost all innocence . appearing tawdry and gauche , the girl was excessively friendly for aundy 's liking . `` not interested , '' aundy said , staring down at her feet . `` please move along , miss . '' `` everyone 's interested , at least all men are , '' the girl said , taking a step back and studying aundy speculatively . the way she was grinning , aundy began to wonder if the girl figured out she was n't a man . `` my name 's marnie . `` looking for information , '' aundy said quietly , working to keep her voice low and raspy . marnie asked , leaning against the bar and twirling a gaudy fan by a silk cord she had wrapped around her wrist . `` buying sheep , '' aundy said , remembering not to lick her lips or press them together . `` sheep , is it ? well , you probably ought to talk to mr. o'connell over there in the corner . he has a bunch he 's been trying to sell so he can move on to greener pastures . says he wants to head to california where they do n't get snow and cold winters like we have here , '' marnie said , pointing to a man sitting at a table in the corner by himself . `` he 's a nice man , even when he 's drunk , and always gentle around women , at least to those who dress the part . '' aundy tried not to let her shock at that comment show on her face as she tipped her head to marnie and touched the brim of her hat in thanks , like she 'd watched men do all her life , and walked across the room . she asked , standing beside his table . he looked up at her with a glazed expression . it was then aundy noticed an empty whiskey bottle on the table . repressing the sigh that inched up from her chest , she sat down when he pointed to a chair . `` heard you have sheep for sale . i might know someone who 'd be interested in buying . '' `` oh , might ya now ? '' mr. o'connell said with an irish lilt that made his words seem musical . `` faith , i 've been a ' tryin ' to get rid of me woolies for months long past and had no takers . i was sittin ' here tonight , ready to drown me sorrows and there ya ' be . giving me hope , at last . '' aundy asked questions about the type of sheep , the size of the herd , how much he wanted for the animals , if he was willing to deliver . when she was satisfied with the information , she took out her pencil and piece of paper and wrote down her name , instructing mr. o'connell to give mrs. erickson a call monday morning or to stop by her farm to discuss the details .

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what was supposed to be the most joyous day of his life had suddenly become the worst , and nothing in life could prepare someone for that . not only was he supposed to survive the unimaginable , but he was supposed to take care of someone else ? the little one who had killed his wife ? `` she 's beautiful , '' doris said into the silence . `` you should go see her . '' i ca n't , '' jeremy mumbled . he felt doris watching him , as if reading him through the fog of her pain . `` she 's your daughter , '' doris said . `` i know , '' jeremy responded , but all he could feel was the dull anger pulsing beneath his skin . `` lexie would want you to take care of her . '' doris reached out to take his hand . `` if you ca n't do it for yourself , then do it for your wife . she would want you to see your child , to hold your child . yes , it 's hard , but you ca n't say no . you ca n't say no to lexie , you ca n't say no to me , and you ca n't say no to claire . now come with me . '' where doris found the strength and composure to deal with him , he was never certain , but with that , she took his arm and marched him down the corridor toward the nursery . he was moving on autopilot , but with each step he felt his anxiety growing . he was frightened at the thought of meeting his daughter . while he knew that the anger he felt toward her was wrong , he was also afraid that he would n't be angry when the time came , and that seemed wrong as well-as if somehow that meant he could forgive her for what happened to lexie . all he knew for certain was that he was n't ready for either possibility . but doris would n't be dissuaded . she pushed through a set of swinging doors , and in the rooms on either side , jeremy saw pregnant women and new mothers , surrounded by their families . the hospital buzzed with activity , nurses moving purposefully around them . he passed the room where the embolism had occurred and had to put a hand to the wall to keep from falling . they passed the nurses ' station and rounded the corner , toward the nursery . the gray-speckled tile was disorienting , and he felt dizzy . he wanted to break free from doris 's grasp and escape ; he wanted to call his mother and tell her what happened . he wanted to cry into the phone , to have an excuse to let go , to be released from this duty ... ... up ahead , a group of people clustered in the hallway , peering through the glass wall of the nursery . they were pointing and smiling , and he could hear their murmurs : she 's got his nose , or , i think she 'll have blue eyes . he knew none of them , but suddenly he hated them , for they were experiencing the joy and excitement that should have been his . he could n't imagine having to stand next to them , to have them ask which child he had come to see , to listen to them as they would inevitably praise her sweetness or beauty . beyond them , heading toward the offices , he saw the nurse who had been in the room when lexie had died , going about her business as if the day had been utterly ordinary . he was stricken by the sight of her , and as if knowing what he was feeling , doris squeezed his arm and paused in midstep . `` that 's where you go in , '' she said , motioning toward the door . `` no , '' she said , `` i 'll wait out here . '' `` please , '' he pleaded , `` come with me . '' `` this is something you have to do on your own . '' jeremy stared at her . doris 's expression softened . `` you 're going to love her , '' she said . `` as soon as you see her , you 'll love her . '' is love at first sight truly possible ? he could n't fathom the possibility . he entered the nursery with tentative steps . the nurse 's expression changed as soon as she saw him ; although she had n't been in the delivery room , the story had made the rounds . that lexie , a healthy and vibrant young woman , had suddenly died , leaving behind a husband in shock and a motherless newborn . it would have been easy to offer sympathy or even turn away , but the nurse did neither . instead , she forced a smile and pointed toward one of the cribs near the window . `` your daughter is on the left , '' she said . her expression faltered , and it was enough to remind him of how wrong this scene was . lexie should have been here , too . he gasped , feeling suddenly short of breath . from somewhere far away , he heard her murmur , `` she 's beautiful . '' jeremy moved automatically toward the crib , wanting to turn back but wanting to see her , too .

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i dont think that was what kyle meant , and you know it , little sister . rick put his hands on his hips , imitating one of my favorite poses . i was fairly certain i looked better doing it . it was unfair that his size made him look more intimidating than i did , and in most cases would probably make people take him more seriously . im well aware of what kyle meant , and i dont think now is the time to talk about it . we need to figure out whats waiting for us in amana . i saw my statement was met with a lot of confused faces when i looked over my shoulder at the group . i knew what to expect , but i was hopeful theyd learned i sometimes just magically had the answers . i sighed and massaged my forehead for a second . the message , nate said taking over for me . avery thinks malphas wants us to go to amana . i cant say why she knows about the quality of bacon there , but i agree that its probably a good place to start whatever game malphas is playing . wed actually already started the game , but i refrained from correcting him . i couldnt say for sure when the game started , but as soon as someone shared the prophecy tying us together , the fun began . im not over my questions about purgatory , but why in the world would we go to amana ? we dont have any of our people there and i think figuring out where they are is probably a bigger priority . normally id agree with you , rick , unless one of you can follow energy trails that have been gone for days , i dont think were going to have any instant luck finding our people . i didnt like the idea that we were left doing what malphas had mapped out for us , but i wanted to find him and kill him , and the only way i could see to accomplish that was to follow the clues . i wore the knife that could kill the demon in a sheath around my waist . it was one of the only knives i never bothered hiding , and id kept it even handier than usual since my wedding day . my fingers wrapped around the handle and i felt a gentle pulse in the knife . it scared me a little , since id never felt it before , but i hid my reaction . i wasnt sure what the pulse meant , but i figured id find out as soon as i caught up with malphas . can you answer what was up with the giant fireball ? youve never done anything that big , and they usually dont incinerate warlocks , at least not that ive ever seen . vinnie was asking for technical reasons . hed want to try to take the concept and weaponize it so everyone could use it . by the time we get back home , there wont be any warlocks left to use it on , so i dont think we need to worry about it now . the warlock i left alive said malphas had a few days planned out for us , so we should probably get on our way . if we can pick up all the clues quicker than he expects , we may be able to catch him off guard . i had three very special reasons to make it back home as soon as possible . with the guards and my parents there , no one would get to the babies , but i wouldnt feel at ease until i saw them again . i wasnt sure that the babies were completely safe from malphas ; i figured if i kept telling myself they were , it would have to be true . i dont think we should go anywhere before you explain exactly whats going on with you , baby girl . the fireball wasnt normal . but it was , rick . you just didnt know . no one did , not even avery . evas words drew my attention and i turned to focus on her . shed managed to go unnoticed for a little while , which wasnt like her . the fireball hadnt bothered me as it did everyone else , but id felt the raw power coming from me when id generated it . it wasnt a power i remembered having . it was different than the other fireballs id made , none of which had the power to burn through warlocks . you see , eva , thats why you grate on my nerves so much . you know things about me no one else does . and thats why im your best friend , even if youve tried to replace me in this life . its not time for you to learn about the month missing from your memory . i already know youve seen thing from it you shouldnt have , but i have to put my foot down when it comes to you trying to dig for more details too soon . youll thank me for that , trust me . i had to laugh at the thought of trusting eva . it sounded like a punchline of a very sad joke , one i wasnt going to be involved in . can you tell me if im going to find more surprises when i deal with whatever is waiting for us in amana ? i barely envisioned a fireball frying the warlocks a few minutes ago and it was there and it did exactly what i wanted it to .

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1761], ["knifes", 1761], ["demon", 1787], ["sheath", 1799], ["sheaths", 1799], ["around", 1806], ["waist", 1815], ["knife", 1847], ["knifes", 1847], ["knives", 1847], ["never", 1855], ["bother", 1864], ["bothers", 1864], ["bothering", 1864], ["bothered", 1864], ["hiding", 1871], ["keep", 1885], ["keepest", 1885], ["kept", 1885], ["even", 1893], ["evens", 1893], ["handy", 1901], ["usual", 1912], ["since", 1918], ["wedding", 1929], ["day", 1933], ["finger", 1946], ["fingers", 1946], ["wrap", 1954], ["wraps", 1954], ["wrapping", 1954], ["wrapped", 1954], ["handle", 1972], ["feel", 1983], ["felt", 1983], ["gentle", 1992], ["gentler", 1992], ["pulse", 1998], ["scare", 2023], ["scared", 2023], ["hides", 2079], ["hid", 2079], ["reaction", 2091], ["figure", 2143], ["figured", 2143], ["catch", 2175], ["catches", 2175], ["catched", 2175], ["caught", 2175], ["answer", 2208], ["answeres", 2208], ["answerest", 2208], ["giant", 2235], ["fireball", 2244], ["anything", 2272], ["big", 2281], ["bigs", 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["baby", 2966], ["babies", 2966], ["feel", 2987], ["ease", 2995], ["completely", 3065], ["safe", 3070], ["safes", 3070], ["safed", 3070], ["tell", 3113], ["telling", 3113], ["true", 3157], ["anywhere", 3194], ["explain", 3213], ["exactly", 3221], ["baby", 3252], ["girl", 3257], ["normal", 3285], ["word", 3370], ["words", 3370], ["draw", 3375], ["draws", 3375], ["drawn", 3375], ["drew", 3375], ["attention", 3388], ["turn", 3401], ["turned", 3401], ["focus", 3410], ["shed", 3424], ["manage", 3432], ["managed", 3432], ["unnoticed", 3448], ["else", 3547], ["raw", 3569], ["power", 3575], ["come", 3582], ["coming", 3582], ["generate", 3608], ["generated", 3608], ["remember", 3643], ["rememberest", 3643], ["remembered", 3643], ["different", 3669], ["fireball", 3694], ["fireballs", 3694], ["none", 3709], ["burn", 3740], ["burns", 3740], ["eva", 3773], ["grate", 3795], ["grates", 3795], ["grating", 3795], ["nerve", 3808], ["nerves", 3808], ["much", 3816], ["thing", 3834], ["things", 3834], ["good", 3889], ["best", 3889], ["friend", 3896], ["try", 3918], ["tryed", 3918], ["tried", 3918], ["replace", 3929], ["life", 3945], ["lifes", 3945], ["learn", 3977], ["learnt", 3977], ["learns", 3977], ["month", 3993], ["miss", 4001], ["missing", 4001], ["memory", 4018], ["memories", 4018], ["thing", 4052], ["foot", 4106], ["come", 4125], ["comes", 4125], ["try", 4139], ["tryed", 4139], ["trying", 4139], ["dug", 4146], ["dig", 4146], ["digs", 4146], ["digest", 4146], ["detail", 4163], ["details", 4163], ["thank", 4186], ["thanks", 4186], ["thankest", 4186], ["trust", 4206], ["laugh", 4226], ["thought", 4241], ["trust", 4253], ["trusting", 4253], ["sound", 4270], ["sounded", 4270], ["punchline", 4287], ["sad", 4301], ["joke", 4306], ["jokes", 4306], ["involve", 4341], ["involved", 4341], ["tell", 4359], ["surprise", 4397], ["surprised", 4397], ["surprises", 4397], ["deal", 4409], ["barely", 4461], ["envision", 4472], ["envisioned", 4472], ["fry", 4490], ["frying", 4490], ["minute", 4517], ["minutes", 4517], ["ago", 4521]]

it was n't like when hunter kissed me . when kade kissed me , i felt like the only girl in the entire world . if this was what love felt like then i never wanted it to stop . for once , if my life i was feeling and i liked it . there was no confusion on the matter anymore , i knew right then and there what love felt like . i knew i was head over heels in it as well . i did n't want to fight it , i was n't scared . for once in my life , i felt safe . i felt like i had found my prince . sudden a horn blared , and kade pulled away from me quickly . his eyes were as wide as saucers , but i did n't follow his eyes to where his gaze lay because mine was set on him . when i looked at him he seemed to sparkle , he glew like an angel . in a way he was an angel ... he was my angel . my heart seemed to leap into my throat and i had no words to say . i slowly tilted my head to the side and nearly had a stroke at what i saw . hunter was sprinting toward kade with all his might . he had such a vicious look in his eyes as if he was ready to devour someone . icy fear trickled down my spine and paralyzed me . kade pushed me out of the way right in time . hunter came leaping onto kade like a tiger on it 's prey before it tears it apart . his hands were clenched into tight fists as he raised his hand to strike kade . i was absolutely horrified , but there was no way i could stop it . he punched kade right in the nose . kade let out a shrill noise , like a puppy dog getting his tail ran over . kade rolled over on top of hunter and this cycle contained for quite some time , each feeling a dominance over the brief seconds they spent on top . they wallowed in the mud like swine , screaming , shrieking , and raising fist to pound one another . kade got on top and struck hunter a few times in the face . i screamed and fell to my knees , trying to tear the two of them apart . loud crashed of thunder sounded like clanging cymbals , drowning out my cries and making them sound like a hoarse whisper . hunter shoved me away as i tried to pry them apart and i stumbled back , landing in the mud myself . i struggled to get back up and make a second attempt to rip them away from one another . they were buried in the mud and i could n't quite see what was going on , but i did hear their cries of pain and grunts . hunter , he 's had enough ! it was so dark that it almost looked black . it was as dark and heavy as this atmosphere right now . kade popped up from out of the mud . he looked at me as if i had just committed some crime . he had blood smeared on his face , it ran down him along with the water . hunter popped up as well with an equal amount of blood dripping from him . kade retreated to his car . hunter grabbed both my arms . did he hurt you , babe ? i ripped away from hunter and ran toward his car . kade peeled out of the narrow walkway and skidded down the road . i hopped into hunter 's car . i heard him screaming and me and commanding i come out , but i was n't listening . i had one ambition and one ambition only ... to not let kade go . i had let so many people walk out of my life ... i just could n't let him slip through my fingertips . i looked back and saw hunter helplessly standing there in the rain . he looked like a lonely , hurt , confused puppy dog . part of me , felt bad . it was wrong to steal his car . i had to do it though . there was no way i was letting fall right through my hands . i could n't let my prince go . i booked it going dozens and dozens of miles over the speed limit . if i got pulled over , my excuse would be i did it for love ... that seemed like a valid one anyway . kade continued rolling down the road at an unfathomable speed . maybe he 'd get pulled over ... i could catch him then . then , i saw something that saved my day . the light in front of us , turned red . he was forced to stop the car . he slammed on his breaks . i swerved into the lane beside him , cutting the car next to me off . a stream of unkind words seemed to be flowing from her mouth . i screeched to a stop beside kade . i leaned out of my car and tapped on his window . he looked over at me and jumped in surprise . he looked hesitantly at me then back at the light . he slowly inched toward the passenger seat and with great reluctance rolled his window down . he leaned out of the car and so did i .

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["pried", 2046], ["prying", 2046], ["stumble", 2072], ["stumbled", 2072], ["back", 2077], ["landing", 2087], ["struggle", 2119], ["struggled", 2119], ["get", 2126], ["second", 2152], ["seconded", 2152], ["attempt", 2160], ["rip", 2167], ["bury", 2213], ["burying", 2213], ["buried", 2213], ["see", 2250], ["go", 2265], ["goest", 2265], ["going", 2265], ["hear", 2285], ["hears", 2285], ["pain", 2305], ["grunt", 2316], ["enough", 2344], ["dark", 2361], ["almost", 2376], ["black", 2389], ["heavy", 2416], ["heavies", 2416], ["heavier", 2416], ["atmosphere", 2435], ["pop", 2459], ["popped", 2459], ["commit", 2527], ["committed", 2527], ["crime", 2538], ["blood", 2553], ["bloods", 2553], ["blooded", 2553], ["smear", 2561], ["smearing", 2561], ["smeared", 2561], ["along", 2597], ["water", 2612], ["equal", 2653], ["amount", 2660], ["drip", 2678], ["dripping", 2678], ["retreat", 2704], ["retreatest", 2704], ["retreated", 2704], ["car", 2715], ["grab", 2732], ["grabbed", 2732], ["arm", 2745], ["arms", 2745], ["hurt", 2759], ["hurts", 2759], ["hurting", 2759], ["babe", 2770], ["rip", 2781], ["ripped", 2781], ["peel", 2835], ["peeled", 2835], ["narrow", 2853], ["walkway", 2861], ["skid", 2873], ["skidded", 2873], ["road", 2887], ["hop", 2898], ["hops", 2898], ["hopped", 2898], ["hopping", 2898], ["hear", 2927], ["hears", 2927], ["heard", 2927], ["command", 2963], ["commanding", 2963], ["come", 2970], ["listen", 3000], ["listens", 3000], ["listening", 3000], ["ambition", 3021], ["go", 3066], ["goest", 3066], ["many", 3086], ["people", 3093], ["walk", 3098], ["slip", 3147], ["fingertip", 3169], ["fingertips", 3169], ["helplessly", 3211], ["stood", 3220], ["stand", 3220], ["standest", 3220], ["standing", 3220], ["rain", 3238], ["lonely", 3264], ["part", 3299], ["parting", 3299], ["bad", 3316], ["wrong", 3331], ["steal", 3340], ["stole", 3340], ["though", 3372], ["let", 3405], ["lets", 3405], ["letting", 3405], ["fall", 3410], ["falls", 3410], ["book", 3475], ["booked", 3475], 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i can not help the shudder that runs through me and andrew draws me closer . what would happen if they do not go ? the soul of their son will be used to bring forth the anti-christ . the world as we know it will be gone and lying in its wake will be a world filled with the creatures of the stories that you read about in the scrolls . this realm will be filled with demons that have the power to devour humanity , one soul at a time . champions will rise to combat the evil , but none of us have been privileged to see whether or not they will be strong enough to destroy it before it rules this plane . either way , this world will be plunged into a supernatural war ground possibly for centuries until balance can be restored and the demons can be forced back into their hell dimension once more . there is so much to take in , but finally something she says registers and i can not stop shaking . in trying to rescue our son and prevent the anti-christ will we be opening up the doorway for satan himself to enter this plane ? opening the gateway , does that mean the devil himself may pass through ? cassandras features turn understanding and her tone becomes more of a mother comforting a child that that of a daughter addressing her mother , but then again , considering i only have images of past lives and no true understanding of how much they held , she is the wiser one . no one really knows , but he was only allowed a short entrance in this world to reclaim one he sent here and who defied him . we do not believe that he himself can just enter this dimension and stay because he chose to reign in hell when he went through the gates of heaven for the final time . no demon has defied him since ann and the one he feels he has a right to is going to be in his realm , not here so we believe that he would stay where his power is strongest . what will happen to those closest to the gateway if some of his minions can escape ? that will depend upon those who you convince to come with you on this journey and how strong they are in fighting to contain them or send them back . you have powerful friends and allies , more than you realize . as she glances around , my eyes follow hers and i see not only those we have come across and fought with but new allies in peter , anthony , mark and those who they have come into contact with . as my focus intensifies on peter , caseys words about sarias followers swims through my thoughts . is that why we were shown sarias life because her followers are to play a role in this apocalyptic journey ? do not give up hope , i know that you see this world being harmed either way because of what is happening , but the energy toward this has been building and this is the first time that you are truly not alone , you are stronger now than you have ever been and you have amassed an army of those who are willing to fight on your side . it is not like before where you , andrew and those around you had no real information to combat what was coming for you . this time hopefully it will be different and may even close the gateway for good . she leans across and takes each of our hands . you can not give up hope . you have to believe that you will prevail . if you dont , all those around you , those who have been waiting to support you , to serve their purpose will fail before they have even had a chance to fight . she can not stifle her yawn and rises wearily . it has been a very long journey . she looks to reginald and smiles . if someone could show me to a room , i really need to rest . i rise , but peter moves forward . the room next to mine is unoccupied . ill show you and you can tell me how you slayed the riptar demon . she laughs and nudges in to him . that is quite a dark bedtime story . besides , arent you supposed to tell me a bedtime story older brother . watching their interaction , i catch anthonys forlorn look and know he is thinking of his own sister . approaching him cautiously , he smiles and i move forward . i inquire , my eyes now glancing at peter and cassandra . i am , it just brought back some memories , thats all . mia , im glad that you are alright and im sorry about how we met . raising my hand to stop him , i speak confidently . i would have done the exact same thing . truthfully , even seeing it , i dont think it has truly sunk in . im sorry that i left you so young and that you went through all of that alone . you left me to save me and i wasnt alone for long . charley and i got together shortly after i woke up and then renee came along . i have been alright , really . if you dont mind , i am going to call and check on laurel before it gets too late . as i watch him go , peter calls him brother and tells him to come up after his call .

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paenasked , and avelyn supposedshe had n't managed a very good smile after all . `` i ... '' she sought a viableexcuse , but nothingwascoming tomind , and after a moment avelyn gave it up andinstead asked , '' you said youhad figured something out ? '' turning , he drew the fur away from the window and forced it to the side , allowing moonlight into the room . avelyn turnedto peer curiouslydown intothe bailey below , but couldsee very little . the ledge wasa good three feet deep , andshe would havehadto practically lie on itto get her head nearthe window itself , so she peeredatthe glass insteadand tried for asuitably interestedexpression . glass was veryexpensive , such a rarity . it really wasimpressive that thewindows actually had glass in them . if she had n't known she 'd marriedinto a wealthy family , this wouldhave told her . `` well , this isa veryfine window , mylordhusband . thank you for showing itto - awk ! `` avelyn squealed insurprise and grabbed athis shoulders ashesuddenly turnedhertofacehim , then caughther under the armpits and set her onto the ledge . `` what areyou - `` avelyn 's questiondied aquickdeath , silenced by paen'slips ashegrabbedher by both knees , pushed themapart andstepped betweenthem to press a kiss toher mouth . atfirst , she wastoo startled totry to pullawayand sayanything , but within moments ofhis mouthcovering hers , his tonguehad slid out tourge her lips apart andshe quite forgot what shewould have said as histongue danced with hers . by the time paen ended the kiss , avelyn had melted against him , her mind incapable ofholdinga thought . `` ihave sorted it all out , '' he whispered , his mouth moving to herearas he triedto nudge her hands fromwhere they were clutching thelinen to her chest . `` that is nice , '' avelyn breathedon a sigh , turning her headfor him and pressing the side of her face intohis lips like acat under a caress . `` since i can not use my hands to prepare you , i shall use my mouth , '' he explained . `` but first you shallhave to let go of the linen. `` `` mmm hmm. `` avelyn smiled . `` doyou think you could kissme again ? '' a slow , purely male smile curved his lips as he noted herexpression . `` do you like itwheni kiss you ? '' despitehaving asked the question , he looked as if he already knew the answer . avelyn didn'tcare . taking one hand away from the linens , she reached out to slide it into his hair and urgedhishead down foranother kiss . paen obligedher , thistime starting slow and tender , then deepening it until it became almosta battleto see who could devour theother first . they were both panting when he finally moved his mouthaway and again kissed a trail across her cheek to her ear . ashudder ran through avelynas his tongue sweptoverand around her earand she turned her head to make iteasier for him , thensuddenly twistedher face backto catch his mouth with her own . paen obliged her and kissed her again . the sensations hestirred inher made her arch mindlesslyagainst him , responding to herbody 's demands . she wantedtobe closer to him , all of her seemedto ache to pressagainst him , and she shifted her bottom forward on the ledgeuntil shewas plasteredagainst him . the momentshe did , paen brokethekiss andfollowed the length of herthroat withhis lips , forcinghertolean back so that hecould find and nibble atthesensitive hollow ofhercollar bone . avelyn moanedand clutched his shoulders tohelp keep her balance , onlyaware that it left her linen free to drop to herhips when paen continued hisdownward journeyunimpeded . when paen 's lips moved over the slope of her breast to catch one aching nipple inhismouth , avelyn gasped . her feet pressed flatagainst the wall as her bottom lifted rightoff the ledge , pressingher more intimately against him . she could feel his hardness rub against her through the linen still covering her lower body . it felt so good , she foundherself again grinding her lowerbodyagainsthis . avelyn thought she heard paengrowl ; thenhe groundback against her and she let her head fall backwith a groan . thenthecool air touched her still damp nippleand she liftedher head witha shiver , glancing down as he kissed a trail down her stomach that almost seemed tomake those musclesbuckunder her skin . gasping for breath and feeling off balance as hisshoulders lowered out of herreach , avelyn clutched at the fur that had covered the window .

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these areas are more like a pass-through for us , unless we 're having a special event . '' i thought about the tiny house i had lived in with my mother before she married my dad . the house we had moved into together was larger and newer , but still nothing fancy . despite all the family portraits hanging along the wall , it felt impersonal and i could n't imagine being a child here . `` i bet you never got to watch tv with dinner . '' my grandmother used to let us eat with those little tables in front of the sofa . '' he smiled at me over his shoulder . `` she was addicted to the price is right . '' `` you guys get the price is right here ? '' `` i think they were reruns , but she did n't care . '' he showed me the family room upstairs and the small kitchen . there was a separate tv room , which amused me . in the states the family room was typically where everyone gathered to watch shows or movies . when he showed me his room , i was ready to be wowed . there was a large four-poster bed along one wall , but the rest of the room felt very modern . `` there 's not a stitch of wallpaper in here . '' he laughed and pulled me toward the bathroom . `` wait until you see the tub . '' `` that 's a pool . '' i coveted the tub . he laughed as we left his room and headed outside . i was so excited to see his birds i practically jogged down the stairs . he led me around the stables , which housed ten horses , and around to the mews . the cages were much more elegant than what i 'd worked with at school , but it was familiar all the same . the hawks were gorgeous . alex retrieved gloves for us and brought me a bird . i looked over her feathers and feet . `` tweety . '' `` tweety ? '' `` remember the little boy you met the first night ? he named tweety ? '' `` i named her talon , he disagreed . you can see who won . '' remembering how alex had looked with the kids that night convinced me leo had n't had to put up much of a fight . `` want to take them out ? '' he closed the mew and stepped out with his own hawk . `` tweety and sylvester work together really well . '' i looked at tweety . we spent hours out with the birds and i could have stayed longer . there was something spectacular about watching the birds fly , their wings spread as they rode the currents and searched for game . `` my father loved birds . '' alex watched as the birds swept the area . `` i ca n't remember a time when we did n't own any . '' `` there 's a freedom that comes with flying . '' nothing ties them down unless they want it to . '' `` i think that 's part of the reason he was so fond of them . they could go wherever they wanted , whenever they wanted . '' `` did he feel trapped ? '' `` no more than anyone feels trapped . '' `` everyone is tied down in some way . work , family , medical problems . that 's why it 's so important to surround yourself with the things that make you happy . if you have a bad day at work but get to come home to a woman you love or your favorite hobby , the rest does n't matter as much . '' i thought about what he was saying as i watched the birds . was that why he had kept after me even though i tried to keep him at arm 's length ? someone with food actually drove a small golf-cart-type vehicle out to where we were when lunchtime came around , so after seeing to the birds we spent some time enjoying the warmer weather while we ate . he told me about his family and described holidays with nobles running around . it was obvious that his family was much closer with some of the nobles than others , but there was still a very tight-knit feel . `` do any of the nobles have regular jobs ? or do you all focus on royal tasks ? '' i tucked my legs under me on the blanket that had been spread out and picked up a carrot . `` a lot of us have jobs on the side . daniel has a degree in marketing , but he uses it more for the family than anything else . i believe he does take on contract work from time to time . when not drunk , kyle is working on a business degree , but i have no idea if he 'll ever use it . mother does n't send him on assignments for the crown , so it would be best if he figures out something to do with his life . '' `` what about cathy ? she 's starting school soon . '' `` cathy is going for a history degree . she 's wanted to work in a museum since she was little . '' he leaned back on the blanket and looked up at the sky . `` the problem is that she 'll never be able to have a full-time job . '' i lay down next to him but kept my distance .

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i had to end this fast , not only for my own sake but also because they would undoubtedly call for backup if given a moment 's chance . i grabbed the one closest to me and pushed him as hard as i could into a wall -- headfirst . he staggered , dazed , and i did it again , just as his partner reached me . that first guardian slumped to the ground , unconscious . i hated doing that , but part of my training had been learning to differentiate between incapacitating and killing . he should only have a headache . the other guardian was very much on the offensive , however , and he and i circled each other , getting in some shots and dodging others . `` i ca n't knock him out ! '' i called to lissa . compel him . '' her response came through the bond . she could compel two people at the same time , but it took a lot of strength . we were n't out of this yet , and she could n't risk burning herself out so soon . frustration replaced fear within her . `` northwood , go to sleep , '' she barked . you 're exhausted and will sleep for hours . '' out of the corner of my eye , i saw northwood slump , his head hitting the desk with a thump . everyone who worked here would have a concussion by the time we were through . i threw myself at the guardian then , using my full weight to get him within lissa 's line of sight . she pushed her way into our fight . he glanced at her in surprise , and that was all she needed . he did n't respond as quickly as northwood , but he did hesitate . this guy was more resistant . she repeated more forcefully , intensifying her will . strong or not , he could n't stand against that much spirit . his arms fell to his sides , and he stopped wrestling me . i stepped back to catch my breath , straightening my wig back into place . `` holding this one 's going to be hard , '' lissa told me . `` hard as in five minutes or five hours ? '' `` somewhere in the middle . '' get victor 's key from him . '' she demanded the guardian give her the key for the shackles . he told us the other guardian had it . sure enough , i frisked the unconscious body -- he was breathing steadily , thank god -- and retrieved the key . now i turned my full attention on victor . once the fight had started , he 'd stepped out of the way and simply observed quietly while all sorts of new possibilities undoubtedly formed in his twisted mind . i approached and put on my `` scary face '' as i held up the key . `` i 'm going to unlock your cuffs now , '' i told him , in a voice both sweet and menacing . `` you 're going to do exactly what we tell you to do . you 're not going to run , start a fight , or in any way interfere with our plans . '' are you using compulsion nowadays too , rose ? '' i unlocked the shackles . `` i can render you unconscious as easily as that guy and drag you out . the heavy cuffs and chains fell to the floor . that sly , smug look stayed on his face , but his hands gently touched each wrist . i noticed then that there were welts and bruises on them . those shackles were n't meant for comfort , but i refused to feel sorry for him . he glanced back up at us . `` how charming , '' he mused . `` out of all the people who would attempt to rescue me , i never would have expected you two ... and yet , in retrospect , you 're probably the most capable . '' `` we do n't need your running commentary , hannibal , '' i snapped . `` and do n't use the word rescue . it makes it sound like you 're some wrongfully imprisoned hero . '' he arched an eyebrow , like he believed that might indeed be the case . instead of disputing me , he nodded toward bradley , who had actually slept through the fight . in his drugged state , lissa 's compulsion had been more than enough to knock him out . `` give him to me , '' said victor . `` and i have no strength for whatever you have in mind , '' hissed victor . that pleasant and all-knowing mask vanished , replaced by one vicious and desperate . `` imprisonment involves more than bars , rose . they starve us of food and blood , trying to keep us weak . walking here is the only exercise i get , and that 's effort enough . unless you really do plan on dragging me out of here , give me blood ! '' lissa interrupted any response i could make . `` be fast . '' i stared at her in astonishment . i 'd been about to deny victor , but through the bond i felt an odd mix of feelings from her . compassion and ... understanding . oh , she still hated him , absolutely . but she also knew what it was like to live on limited blood . mercifully , victor was fast .

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they 're worried about being slandered for harassment . '' gabriel 's look was pointed . `` they 're right to be worried . '' `` that was my thought , as well . now i 'm in the awkward position of either having to agree to supervise christa myself , and offending katherine , or having to tell her to go elsewhere . '' lucia tossed her glasses on the desk in front of her . `` i do n't suppose you have any suggestions ? '' gabriel paused , knowing in that instant that christa 's academic career rested in his hands . he could explain , in detail , what really happened in toronto and oxford , and demonstrate the lengths to which christa would go for a sexual conquest . such information would no doubt make up lucia 's mind for her . he pulled his glasses out of his pocket and then put them back again , acutely aware of the words julia ( and st. francis ) would whisper in his ear . exposing christa would also expose himself and julianne . she did n't want the rumors fed . and she deserved to be able to stand in a room filled with academics and be seen for herself , and not as part of a scandal . lucia was a friend , but not a close one . gabriel did n't want to revisit every encounter he 'd ever had with christa peterson , embarrassing himself and his wife . for her sake , and the sake of her reputation , he decided to try a different tack . `` if we put the personal issues aside , i can tell you that christa 's work for me was mediocre . '' `` that 's been my impression . if you couple that with her behavior ... '' lucia shrugged . `` she 's a liability . '' `` i doubt pacciani is blameless . `` he represents another difficult situation . '' lucia gestured to a file that was sitting open on her desk . `` christa is making allegations about his past behavior , but there are reports that he beds his students and that 's why he 's eager to leave florence . i do n't want that in my department for obvious reasons , not least of which is because it invites lawsuits . '' `` yes , '' said gabriel , tapping his foot unconsciously . lucia placed her glasses in a case , which she then tucked into her purse . `` enough of my troubles . i have reservations at del posto . '' she pushed back from her desk . `` we have a lot of catching up to do . is it true that julianne told don wodehouse that the question he asked was n't germane to her thesis ? '' gabriel laughed uproariously . he followed lucia out of the office , proudly describing julianne 's presentation and the way she handled her questioners , including professor wodehouse of magdalen college . gabriel cursed his iphone , which appeared to be dead . as if he had the power of resurrection , he shook it , pressing the on button repeatedly . he 'd almost decided to fling the item into central park out of frustration when he remembered that he 'd neglected to charge it the evening before . `` julianne will be worried , '' he muttered , as he walked the streets of new york to michael wasserstein 's office . mr. wasserstein was retired , but since he 'd been owen davies 's attorney from the time he penned a prenuptial agreement for him in 1961 , he 'd agreed to meet gabriel at his former law firm . he had just enough time to make a quick call to julianne from a pay phone before his meeting . he located an obliging phone at columbus circle , swiped his credit card , and dialed her cell phone . after several rings , he received her voice mail , once again . `` damnation , '' he muttered ( once again ) . `` julianne , for god 's sake , answer your damn phone . i 'm going to have to buy you a pager . [ loud exhale ] i 'm sorry . would you please answer your phone ? i 'm calling from a pay phone because i forgot to charge my phone last night and now it 's dead . when i get back to my room i 'll charge it . [ brief pause ] now i 'm wondering if i brought the charger cord with me . i ca n't seem to remember a damn thing . see what happens when i 'm away from you ? i 'm lucky i 'm not homeless and panhandling . i 'm on my way to see my father 's attorney . apparently , he has some things he wants to say in person . [ longer pause ] i wish you were here . call me when you get this message . '' gabriel hung up the phone , then continued walking , his thoughts on his upcoming appointment .

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she sighed and pulled away , a sound of disgust rumbling from her throat . `` mardi gras cruising . '' he was glad she had her back to him long enough for him to gather his composure . dozens of thoughts avalanched through his mind . primarily , the terms of kincaid 's will added to the purchase of the apartment could only mean one thing . everett kincaid must have been tracking him all these years . lucas was a firm believer in knowing his enemies as well as possible . had kincaid practiced the same philosophy ? `` why mardi gras ? '' she turned , rolling her eyes . dad absolutely detested the ceo . they 've had a running battle for years because mardi gras kept encroaching on our turf by under-bidding us on an assortment of contracts . it really seemed to get under dad 's skin . i ca n't believe he would rather see the mardi gras logo on our ships than have rand , mitch and i continue the kcl tradition of running an award-winning organization . '' lucas was well aware mardi gras 's ceo was an aggressive , cutthroat ass who stayed just this side of legal in his pursuits . that 's why he 'd hired him . the man was as determined and focused on besting the competition as lucas . and he was power-hungry . that meant he was n't about to let slip that many of his decisions came as direct orders from his behind-the-scenes boss . and then another thought hit lucas with chilling clarity . kcl could be his . all he had to do was get nadia to leave dallas . he weighed the knowledge . but would winning by default give him half the satisfaction as taking kcl by stealth and skill ? and would it be revenge if what he wanted was handed to him by the very man who 'd taught him the meaning of defeat ? `` nadia , wake up , '' a deep voice repeated more urgently this time . lucas 's voice . nadia smiled and snuggled deeper into the warmth cocooning her . she fully intended to ignore whoever was trying to rouse her from a dream she had n't had in almost five years . a dream of lucas holding her , making love to her . she 'd missed that dream . `` do n't care , '' she mumbled . she knew from experience that when she opened her eyes that would not be lucas in her bedroom . no matter how much it sounded like him now . the pillow beneath her shifted , dumping her as it rose . pillows rising ? her fogged brain slowly cleared . she reached out blindly in the darkness . her fingers encountered supple skin covering a taut backside instead of egyptian cotton and down . who had she slept with this time ? another poor sap who reminded her of her dead husband ? but she had n't done a lucas look-alike in ... a long time . and lucas was n't dead . startled , she popped upright . the lamp clicked on . she winced and shielded her eyes , but not before catching a glimpse of her nak*d husband beside the bed stepping into his pants . her body tingled at the memory of how they 'd passed the preceding hours . you have to get back to your place . '' panic erased the last remnants of grogginess from her brain . she leaped from the bed and scanned the floor . `` my clothes . i do n't know where i left- '' `` you do n't have time for your clothes . there are security cameras in the hall . he held out his robe . she checked his clock as she shoved her arms into the black silk sleeves then cinched the belt . she 'd nearly blown it . she truly did need a keeper , and she 'd have to be more careful in the future . `` i ca n't believe i almost messed up . he wore an odd expression on his face , one she did n't have time to decipher . he grabbed her elbow and hauled her through his apartment , his stride rapid and almost angry . she hustled to keep up , snatching discarded clothing as she raced for the door . they blasted across the hall and through her unlocked door just as the clock started chiming . `` we made it , but that was too close for comfort . coming in ? '' making love with lucas had been even better than she remembered . she was n't sure if that would come back to haunt her , but she 'd never know if she did n't pursue this . lucas did n't look the least bit interested in round three . he looked tense and maybe even pissed off . `` good night , nadia . '' she hooked his elbow as he turned away . `` the will says i ca n't host parties . it does n't say i ca n't have an overnight guest . '' a nerve twitched in his jaw .

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i thought you were running it out . '' this dylan could handle ; he knew what to expect when mike withdrew . but walking into the living room gave him a scene he was wholly unprepared to encounter . on second thought , it was n't nervous energy mike emanated . the smoked-glass coffee table was a heap of shards and broken footings . a fifty-pound dumbbell lay cock-eyed in the middle , books piled on it from the collapse . `` mike , what the f**k - `` sheer terror consumed him as he turned to find mike holding the other fifty above his head , not pointed at dylan but rather at a small end table next to the leather couch . the crash was splinteringly deafening , the sound of mike 's grunt as he exuded enough effort to pitch the dumbbell in a perfect , parabolic arc combining with the breaking glass to create a noise that made dylan 's teeth rattle . jumping back , he avoided getting hit by shrapnel . was he in true danger from mike ? his partner for more than ten years , the gentle man he 'd admired and respected , who was always so compassionate and - mike stormed out of the room and started throwing objects in his bedroom , the sound of drawers opening and closing , loud thumps and thick cracking sounds making dylan follow him , wary and ready to protect himself if needed . entering mike 's bedroom , which has always been minimalist and sparse , the sight before him was jarring . everything he owned was everywhere - clothes spilling out of drawers , his closet ransacked , candles rolling in jars on the floor and pictures face down . mike was standing near his bed , wildly shoving items into a hockey duffel bag , head down and muttering to himself . were we robbed ? '' mike snorted but did n't look up , robotically grabbing a blue sweatshirt , then a pair of torn jeans , then flip flops , all going in the bag by rote movement . `` yeah , dylan . of laura . by you and your stupid , f**ked up ideas . '' `` hey , man , you ca n't pin this entirely on me . '' his own rage swelled inside , ready to match mike 's molecule for molecule . `` you 're the one who primed her not to trust us in the first place . '' the look mike shot him was pure evil . his heart sank as his ire rose . that was n't a look you give to someone you care about . that was a look you get when someone you love turns cold . turns off . views you as no one . it was worse than indifference . and it was a look he had only received once before , from an old girlfriend , and it had made his balls crawl into his throat , his soul shrivel into a shrunken mess , and he had resolved never , ever to let anyone in who could do that to him . so far he had n't . `` i f**ked up , '' mike huffed . `` i own it . but dammit , '' he shouted , smacking his dresser top for emphasis , his wallet and change cup falling off the right edge . `` we fixed that ! she took us back in ! and you - you ! you wanted to waste all that because you 're so f**king afraid that taking jill 's money means you accept her death or that you loved her less of whatever f**ked up emotional process you have buried deep in your ego . i ca n't even look at you , '' he added . stunned , dylan could n't form a coherent thought to respond . he looked like mike but might as well have been some psycho twin , come up from the dead to steal mike 's spirit and destroy their relationship . mike was never mean . he could be firm , and he could be sarcastic ( though rarely ) , and he knew how to take a stand and hold firm , but he was never , ever an a**hole . had losing laura really driven him to some sort of psychotic break ? or was dylan just way , way off in estimating how much he had hurt mike by wanting to wait to tell laura about the trust fund ? was this more about him than he realized - and not in some self-centered way , but more in an `` oh , shit , this is all my fault '' kind of way ? mike strode angrily to the front door , then stopped cold . dylan tossed them in an arc , mike 's hand reaching up to catch them . palm facing dylan , the movement precise and clipped , like an athlete who had done it hundreds of thousands of times to reach perfection . grabbing the doorknob , mike was halfway out the door when dylan called out . dylan shouted , sweeping his arm out , indicating the mess . `` hire someone to clean it up and replace everything . bill me .

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that way when your habit of asking attractive girls out gets in the way we can laugh about it , '' i teased . jay gave me a crooked grin . `` well i have n't really missed you all that much , '' i replied then burst into laughter at the hurt look on his face . when i thought about him . which had n't been much over the past year . `` have you two made up over there ? because if i hear jay apologize one more time i may shove him into oncoming traffic , '' nathan said from across the table . `` yes , all is well . we are going to be friends and jay can ask out anyone he wants to , whenever he wants to . '' nathan studied jay for a moment with a concerned look on his face , and then forced a smile . `` if y'all are okay with that set up , then we are too . '' miranda nodded , '' yep . besides , pagan has a date with dank walker friday night . he gave her backstage passes to his concert . and he 's letting me in too . '' i had n't said anything to her about it yet . she shrugged , `` gee told me . '' gee was making sure i came . she 'd already figured out miranda got me to do things i did n't want to . after , tonight though , i really did want to go . dank walker did n't seem like such a bad decision after being out with a `` normal , nice '' guy . at least when i was with dank he acted like i was the only person around . `` did you just meet him last night at the club ? '' jay asked with a scowl on his face . he picked up her shoes when we got here yesterday . she dropped a whole box of shoes in the street . he got off his big bad motorcycle and came picked them up and carried them to her room . i think he 's stalking her . '' miranda wiggled her eyebrows . `` his band is n't known for their good reputation . they 're rowdy and they get into trouble . hanging around him is n't safe , pagan . '' jay did n't sound convincing . `` so far he 's been nothing but nice , polite , and very attentive , '' i replied as i scooted out of my seat . i was n't going to be put in the position of defending dank to jay . `` the important thing here is my best friend is dating the lead singer of cold soul and i have backstage passes . let 's not get off topic , '' miranda chimed in . nathan did n't look real thrilled with this either . now both of them were scowling . a little jealousy would be good for nathan . miranda was making it seem too easy . `` why did he give you tickets backstage ? '' nathan asked as he reached for miranda 's hand . `` because he knew pagan would n't go without me , '' she replied . she was also very right . i would n't brave that scene if she was n't beside me . `` hmmm , '' was nathan 's only response . he wanted to protest and knew he had no right because he 'd just met her . `` well i was gon na suggest an action movie since there are several out i 'd like to see , but after hearing that y'all are gon na be hanging out with a rock band later this week i feel the need to step up my game . so whatever romance you want to see i 'm willing . '' nathan replied . miranda laughed , `` oh , you 're in luck . i 've seen the only romance out right now . `` thank god , '' jay sighed dramatically . `` action movie it is then , '' nathan announced . dank i sat on the edge of pagan 's bed and glanced at the clock for the hundredth time in the span of ten minutes . i asked gee as she walked into the room . `` i was with you , remember ? '' she had been , but she 'd headed home before me . i 'd started worrying about pagan with neither of us watching over her . `` before you point out that i got back an hour before you , i might as well tell you i made a quick stop along the way . i checked in on pagan 's mom and did a sweep to see if i felt the little voodoo bitch around here anywhere . her mom is good . '' i could n't get mad at her for that . gee only nodded . she and i both knew this had to happen . her heart had to choose . but damn , it was hard . today she 'd melted against me the way she used to . she had n't pushed me away ; she 'd wanted me . i know that part of her remembers . her body responded to me . i had to believe her heart was strong enough to restore her memory . the warmth of her soul 's presence washed over me . `` she 's back , '' i said standing up .

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wholly and utterly to him . she did n't fool herself into believing it was forever . he 'd already set a time limit . they 'd be forced into close proximity until her stalker was apprehended , and he was as willing to take advantage of the situation as she was . but he was already deciding to walk away when it was all said and done . determined not to dwell on things she could n't change , she opted instead to focus on the here and now and the fact that micah was hers , even if only for a little while . chapter 20 angelina stood in the corner of the big meeting room at malone and sons , where there were more people packed in than sardines in a can . the flurry of activity bewildered her . she 'd expected micah to turn over the letters to the police and then they 'd wait to see where the investigation went , but this ? micah , connor , nathan and gray were sitting at one of the long tables , heads bent in conversation with four police officers . even damon was present , though he stood to the side , his hands in the pockets of his expensive slacks . though his pose might seem bored , his eyes were tuned in to every nuance of the conversation going on . pop malone sat at the head of the table , and every once in a while he waded into the conversation with his gruff , raspy voice . there were three other men , not in uniform , who angelina could only surmise were either off-duty cops or just friends of the group . they were going through the notes , using gloves , discussing and analyzing the stalker like a bug under a microscope . it was n't that police work was something new to her . she 'd witnessed david and micah and any number of other miami cops deep into their cases . at any given time , hannah had made dinner for a dozen cops when they were over discussing a particularly hard case . but angelina herself had never been the focus of any of it . stalkers did n't rate up there with rapists and murderers , and other than getting a restraining order , provided the identity was known , there was n't often a lot that could be done . she wondered where faith , julie and serena were . as fiercely protective as all the guys were , she could n't imagine they 'd been left alone somewhere . it was as though she 'd been forgotten in the intensity of the meeting . she did n't like standing on the edge , did n't like the feeling of helplessness that gripped her . she did n't like the idea of these people , micah 's friends , her friends , putting themselves at risk for her . it was n't until now that she 'd realized how much she missed being part of the camaraderie and absolute loyalty of the police force david had belonged to . until they 'd turned away , thinking the worst of her brother . `` you want something to drink , sweetie ? '' she blinked and looked up to see connor standing in front of her . her gaze went to the table , to see that the overall meeting was apparently over and now everyone had split into smaller groups , their heads bent in conversation . `` i 'd love something with caffeine , '' she admitted . he curled his hand around the back of her neck and squeezed and massaged gently . you need to be resting . '' `` i 'm not sure i 'll ever rest again , '' she said honestly . `` we 're going to take care of you , '' he promised . `` micah 's not going to let this a**hole get to you . '' she wanted to believe it , but micah was only one man . he was n't invincible . if intentions were all it took , then nothing would ever hurt her . micah was fierce in his intent to protect her . i 'll get you a coke . '' if she stood any longer , she was going to collapse . her legs felt all rubbery , and her knees trembled . since there was n't a free chair in the room , she simply slid her back down the wall behind her until her butt hit the floor . in the next instant , micah crouched down in front of her , his worried gaze seeking hers . `` hey , angel girl , are you okay ? '' when connor arrived , micah reached up to get the coke he extended . he popped the tab and put the cold can in her hand . she sipped gratefully at it . the adrenaline was definitely wearing off , and she was crashing hard . she asked after taking several gulps . right now i need to get you home . she shivered when he trailed a finger over her cheek . no matter how fatigued she was , her body jumped to life whenever he touched her . he was a craving , dark and erotic , one she had absolutely no control over . his nostrils flared , and his features went tight .

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chapter five `` you did what ! '' mia stuttered . `` oh my god , why would you do that ? '' her mother sat across the table from her at starbucks sipping a non-fat soy latte . `` please lower your voice , mia ; we do n't need the entire place hearing our conversation . '' mia knew it was bad when her mother called her early the morning after the charity auction and demanded that she meet her for coffee before work . she had imagined a million different reasons but none of them came close . `` i ca n't believe you had your secretary buy seth jackson for me . i ... do n't even know what to say . does dad know about this ? '' your father would never pay attention to a bachelor auction , so he never noticed cathy bidding . she has only been with me a few months . '' `` okay , '' mia sighed . `` that still does n't answer why . '' her mother appeared to take her time answering before finally saying , `` you never seem to be interested in anything other than work . i watched you with seth at lunch yesterday and you were so at ease with him . '' exasperated , mia said , `` mom , it was just business . '' `` you laughed , you smiled , and your whole body was relaxed . i have n't seen you like that in so long . i know you will finish your work there and move on . but , i thought if you and seth had the opportunity to get to know each other in a social setting that maybe your connection might continue after your assignment there is complete . '' how was she supposed to respond to a statement like that ? she was attracted to seth and she had been hoping something might come of it after her job at the oceanix resort was done , but she had n't been expecting this . normal mothers bought their daughters dinner or some new shoes . her mother bought her a man . it completely boggled her mind that her polished , society darling mother had even thought of it , much less taken the time for the careful execution of the scheme . was she that concerned about her love life or lack of one ? it was n't as if it would reassure her if she confessed that she had casual sex when the need arose or used her vibrator . yeah , that would be a proud moment for any mother . the need just had n't arisen lately . `` mom , i ... i guess this is one of those , 'it 's the thought that counts ' moments , so er ... thank you for that . i think though considering the circumstances , that we should just let seth off the hook . you can just make the contribution and everyone will be happy . '' to her surprise , her mother shook her head saying , `` oh , no , i would n't be happy . seth agreed to the arrangement and it will stand . if anyone backs out , i will withdraw my money . '' you ca n't do that to your own charity . '' smiling , her mother said , `` the charity would n't suffer , dear . seth would pay the money instead . that was part of the agreement . if , for some reason , any of the bachelors were unable to fulfill their obligation , they would make the donation instead . it would n't be fair to the person bidding for one of the men to drop out now , would it ? '' wow , her mother was more than a little scary . she did n't know whether she was impressed or pissed off . she had seth all neatly tied into the deal . if she backed out , then her mother would probably find some way to make seth pay as well . good lord , it seemed as if the wrong person was running the family business . her mother was something of a shark . maybe there was more there than the cool facade that she always presented to the world and to her daughter . sadly , this was one of the few times in her adult life that she felt some kind of connection to the woman who had given birth to her . she would just talk to seth tomorrow and let him know what was going on . they could go out somewhere for a quick dinner to fulfill the terms of the auction and make everyone happy . no one at danvers had to know about it . they were both adults here . `` alright , mom , it looks like you won this one . it 's just dinner though so do n't bother contacting a wedding planner . '' her mother gave her a satisfied smile in return . `` i knew you would come around , dear . after all , why would any woman in her right mind argue over spending an evening with seth jackson ? '' why indeed , mia thought . she had to agree with her mother , but likely for different reasons . her mother was thinking of his wallet size and mia was thinking of the size of something else . *** damn , where was seth ? he had n't been in his office all day .

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and just like that , i 'd know what the hell you were talking about , and i 'd do it right away . '' this time , ava only arched an eyebrow in what could have been amusement or censure ... or something else he probably did n't want to identify . `` okay , so maybe i would n't do it right away , '' he qualified . `` but at least i would know what you were talking about , and we could come to some sort of compromise . '' the eyebrow lowered , but the edge of her mouth twitched a little . even though he was n't sure whether it was twitching up or down , peyton decided to be optimistic . at least she had n't thrown anything at him . `` i just mean , '' he said , `` that you ... that i ... that we ... '' he blew out an irritated breath , sat up straighter , and looked her straight in the eye . `` look , ava , i know we were never the best of friends ... '' even if we were-for one night , anyway-lovers , he could n't help thinking . hoping she was n't thinking that , too . figuring she probably was . not sure how he felt about any of it . `` but i obviously need help with this new and improved me , and i 'm not going to get it from some total stranger . i do n't know anyone here who could help me except you . because you 're the only one here who knows me . '' `` i did know you , '' she corrected him . `` when we were in high school . neither of us is the person we were then . '' there was something in her voice that made peyton hesitate . although it was true that in a lot of ways he was n't the person he 'd been in high school , ava obviously still was . maybe the adult was n't quite as snotty , vain or superficial as the girl had been , but she could still put a guy in his place . she was still classy . she was still out of his league . hell , she had n't changed at all . he asked , deliberately not giving her time to think it over . she thought it over anyway . her gaze never left his , but he could almost hear the crackling of her brain synapses as she connected all the dots and came to her conclusions . he was relieved when she finally smiled . until she asked , `` how much does the position pay ? '' `` pay . surely you were paying your previous stylist . '' `` well , yeah , but that was his job . '' he did n't know what his point was . he 'd just figured ava would help him out . he had n't planned on her being mercenary about it . she really had n't changed since high school . `` fine , '' he said coolly . `` i 'll pay you what i was paying him . '' he named the figure , one that was way too high to pay anyone for telling people how to dress and talk and eat . `` no , you 'll have to do better than that . '' `` peyton , if you want to make use of my expertise in this matter , then i expect to be compensated accordingly . '' ava brenner never did anything unless she was compensated . `` fine , '' he said again . `` how much do you charge for your expertise ? '' she thought for another minute , then quoted a figure fifty percent higher than what he had offered . `` you 're nuts , '' he told her . `` you could build the taj mahal for that . '' he offered her 10 percent more . he offered her 25 percent more . he offered her 40 percent more . `` all right , '' she said with a satisfied smile . `` well , i did n't want to be unreasonable . '' this time peyton was the one who said nothing . but he suddenly realized it was n't because he was irritated with their lopsided bargaining-as if ava was any kind of bargain . it was because it felt kind of good to be sparring with her again . he remembered now how , despite the antagonism of their exchanges in high school , he 'd always come away from them feeling weirdly energized and satisfied . although he still sparred with plenty of people these days , none ever left him feeling the way he 'd felt taking on ava . `` but peyton , you 'll have to do things my way , '' she said , pulling him out of his musing . peyton hated it when people told him they had to do things any way other than his own . he waited for the resentment and hostility that normally came along with such demands to coil inside him . instead , he felt strangely elated . he told himself it was smugly . but damned if she did n't look kind of happy to have taken on the task , too . four scarcely an hour after ava agreed to be peyton 's makeover artist , she sat across from him at a table in a state street restaurant .

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and everyone knew that adam had been down in that area too , looking for the master tools . cassie saw the dawning of startled understanding on the faces around her . `` it all started on the beach there , '' faye went on . she was obviously enjoying herself , as she always enjoyed being the center of attention . she looked sexy and commanding as she wet her lips and spoke throatily , addressing the entire group although her words were meant for diana . `` it was love at first sight , i guess - or at least they could n't keep their hands off each other . when cassie came up here she even wrote a poem about it . now how did that go ? '' faye tilted her head to one side and recited : `` each night i lie and dream about the one who kissed me and awakened my desire i spent a single hour with him alone and since that hour , my days are laced with fire . '' `` that 's right ; that was her poem , '' suzan said . `` 1 remember . we had her in the old science building and she did n't want us to read it . '' deborah was nodding , her petite face twisted in a scowl . `` i remember too . '' `` you may also remember how strange they both acted at cassie 's initiation , '' faye said . `` and how raj seemed to take to cassie so quickly , always jumping up on her and licking her and all . well , it 's very simple really - it 's because they 'd known each other before . they did n't want any of us to know that , of course . they tried to hide it . but eventually they got caught . it was the night we first used the crystal skull in diana 's garage - adam was taking cassie home , i guess . i wonder how that got arranged . '' now it was the turn of laurel and melanie to look startled . clearly they remembered the night of the first skull ceremony , when diana had asked adam to walk cassie home , and adam , after a brief hesitation , had agreed . `` they thought they were alone on the bluff - but somebody was watching . two little somebodies , two little friends of mine ... '' lazily , faye worked her fingers , with their long , scarlet-tipped nails , as if stroking something . a flash of comprehension lighted cassie 's mind . the kittens . the damned little bloodsucking kittens that lived wild in faye 's bedroom . faye was saying the kittens were her spies ? that she could communicate with them ? cassie felt a chill at her core as she looked at the tall , darkly beautiful girl , sensing something alien and deadly behind those hooded golden eyes . she 'd wondered all along who faye had meant when she talked about her `` friends '' who saw things and reported back to her , but she 'd never imagined this . faye smiled in feline satisfaction and nodded at her . `` i have lots of secrets , '' she said directly to cassie . `` that 's only one of them . but anyway , '' she said to the rest of the group , `` it was that night they got caught . they were - well , kissing . that 's the polite way to put it . the kind of kissing that starts spontaneous combustion . i suppose they just could n't resist their lustful passions any longer . '' diana was looking at adam now , looking for a denial . but adam , his jaw set , was staring straight ahead at faye . diana 's lips parted with the quick intake of her breath . `` and it was n't the only time , i 'm afraid , '' faye continued , examining her nails with an expression of demure regret . `` they 've been doing it ever since , stealing secret moments when you were n't looking , diana . like at the homecoming dance - what a pity you were n't there . they started kissing right in the middle of the dance floor . i guess maybe they went somewhere more private afterward ... '' `` that 's not true , '' cassie cried , realizing even as she said it that she was virtually confirming that everything else faye had said was true . everyone was looking at cassie now , and there was no more jeering from the hendersons . their tilted blue-green eyes were focused and intent . `` i wanted to tell you , '' faye said to diana , `` but cassie just begged me not to . she was hysterical , crying and pleading - she said she would just die if you found out . she said she 'd do anything . and that , '' faye sighed , looking off into the distance , `` was when she offered to get me the skull . '' said nick , his normally imperturbable face reflecting disbelief . faye 's eyes dropped to her nails again , but she could n't keep a smile from curling the corners of her lips .

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she turned to squint toward the window as sunlight bathed her entire face . it had to be midday at the very least . when she turned back to graeme , intent on tending his wound , she found him awake and regarding her with a probing stare . her hand went to his shoulder , but he caught her palm and slid his fingers over hers , curling them around her hand . he moved it to his chest , holding it there for a long moment . `` are you ... '' she cleared her throat , coughed , and then started again . her throat was n't as sore , but the words still felt blocked and rusty . should i fetch nigel ? '' graeme pulled her to him so she was sprawled against his chest , her face just inches from his . `` the question is how are you feeling ? '' `` do you hurt still ? are you still fatigued ? perhaps you should rest awhile more . '' he winced , but nodded . she yanked away from him and then wrung her hands in agitation . who has tended to you for the last two days ? '' `` you were exhausted and hurting . i 'm furious with you over the risks you took . you could have been killed or far more seriously injured . you needed to rest and you needed to eat . '' is your wound healing ? '' `` is your fever gone ? '' `` i 'm in far better condition than you are , '' he said . shocked by the sudden demonstration of affection , she did n't argue as he pulled her tightly into his arms . he tucked her beneath his uninjured shoulder and wrapped his arm around her until she could barely breathe . he kissed her forehead and smoothed the hair from her brow . she sighed in contentment and burrowed into his big body . 't was nice to lie here in the middle of the day and rest in her husband 's arms . she had nearly drifted back into sleep when he lifted her away from him , but held her so that they were still close . he 'd positioned her so she could see his mouth . `` there are things we must discuss , eveline . '' her mouth turned down and she lowered her gaze . bowen and teague would have told him what she 'd seen . he nudged her chin upward with his fingers . `` you know i must investigate whether this threat came from your clan . '' `` eveline , i will do all i can to avoid conflict with your family . but you have to understand that i can not allow this to go unanswered . '' `` i know it , '' she whispered back , her heart aching at what must come . `` come here and lie against me . for now , we 'll not think on unpleasant things . '' she snuggled back into his arms , closing her eyes in the sweetness of the moment . there were no guarantees of what tomorrow would bring , but today she would savor a brief respite in her husband 's embrace and pretend that something so simple as love could bridge the gap made wider by decades of hatred . after eating a light repast with graeme in the comfort of their bed , eveline was itching to rise . her hunger sated , she was ready to turn her attention to other important matters such as a bath and walking enough to ease the stiffness and soreness from her muscles . she was considering how to put the matter to her husband , who was insistent on her remaining abed , when she saw graeme frown and then tell someone outside the door to remain so until eveline was decent . her cheeks burned at the idea that whoever it was knew she had n't a stitch on . graeme patted her rump and then motioned her out of bed to dress . she hurried from the warmth of his body and the furs and pulled on one of her simple day dresses . she took a brush to her hair to work the tangles and would have retreated to the far corner of the room , but she looked up and saw bowen and teague , accompanied by father drummond , enter the chamber . the priest had a scroll and quill and ink , and eveline realized that graeme meant to dictate the message to her father . she went to graeme 's side and touched his arm . `` i would like to go below stairs and breathe a bit of fresh air . my muscles need stretching . '' graeme regarded her a long moment , and then his shoulders heaved in a sigh . `` do not be gone overlong . i 'll send a summons down when i 've finished with my brothers and father drummond . '' she nodded , her heart heavier with each breath . she did n't want to be about when he transcribed the message that might well send the two clans she called her own into battle against one another . graeme squeezed her hand , and then she eased away , setting the brush down before exiting the chamber . it was n't a total untruth she 'd told graeme . she was desperate to leave the suffocation of the chamber if only for a little while .

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because in spite of his earlier convictions to the contrary , cherrywood seemed like the last place for her to be . somehow , she deserved something more than a multimillion dollar estate with a name . though what , exactly , she did deserve , pendleton could n't yet quite say . chapter 8 faith ivory still had n't quite recovered from her previous encounter with holt mcclellan when she ran into him again a few nights later , at a glittering fund-raiser in the glorious crystal ballroom of the glamorous brown hotel . she was decked out in a teeny-tiny black dress she spent hours working up the nerve to put on , and her discomfort was only compounded now by the fact that she was surrounded by high rollers , captains of industry , society matrons , and junior leaguers . all night long , she 'd felt as if she were fighting against the undertow in the sea of upward mobility . now , having spied holt mcclellan dressed in elegant black and white-who , thankfully , had n't spied her-she felt as if someone just threw a killer whale into what was already shark-infested waters . fortunately , she was on the opposite side of the ballroom , where there was no way he would ever notice her . not unless he lost interest in what appeared to be a very intense discussion with his father , and not unless he looked up from the drink he clutched brutally in his hand . she was certain there was no way he would ever do- he glanced up then and spied her immediately . -that . she might as well have just shouted her thoughts at the top of her lungs , so focused was he on the exact spot where she stood . she was about to look away , to search for the nearest hasty retreat , when something strange happened . holt mcclellan smiled . not so much at her , but as if he suddenly just felt very happy about something . a warm ripple of excitement shimmied up her spine at his expression , and before she knew it , faith was smiling , too , the same kind of smile , she was certain . because suddenly she felt very happy about seeing holt mcclellan . in spite of the warm fizzy sensations popping inside her , however , her instincts urged her to hurry home and hide under the blankets , lest the big , bad wolf blow her down . but even when holt excused himself from his father without looking at him , even when he began to make his way slowly across the crowded room , even when he was only a few scant feet away from her , faith was helpless to do anything but stand fixed in place and stare at him . she had thought him handsome before , but now she saw how badly mistaken that thought had been . business attire made him look too officious , too conservative , too conventional . tonight , dressed in a black tuxedo , the sapphire cufflinks winking from the white shirt sleeve extending from his jacket nearly identical to the color of his eyes , holt was quite ... oh , my . `` hi , '' he said , his voice scarcely audible in the din that surrounded them . `` hello , '' she replied automatically . `` three times in one week . this could become habit-forming . '' their conversation stalled there , and she wished she were anyone else . anyone else would know what to say to a man like him . anyone else would feel comfortable amid all this beauty and wealth and power . anyone else would be dazzling and witty and charming . anyone else would be having a good time . he asked , jerking a thumb toward the bar , surprising her . have you forgotten who i work for ? '' he expelled an exasperated sound , but his smile diminished its effect . `` ginger ale , mrs. ivory ? club soda ? and no , i have n't forgotten who you work for . believe me-i could never forget that . '' she relented some , but could n't quite banish the reminder that he was n't someone she should be chatting with , however superficially . if anyone from the temperance league saw them together ... well , of course they 'd think she was lobbying him to shut down his business , she thought . which would n't be a problem , if that were , in fact , what they were discussing . but the goals of the temperance league were as far from her mind at the moment as the earth was from the sun . she shook her head in response to his offer . another awkward moment ensued , until holt rallied the conversation . oh , good , she thought . bland small talk . even she could handle that . `` the temperance league is a big sponsor for the boys and girls clubs of kentuckiana . '' `` so is hensley 's . '' well , that was certainly a surprise . he smiled again , this time a bit uncertainly . `` why ca n't i be serious ? '' `` a distiller ? sponsoring a juvenile charity ? he seemed honestly mystified by her objection . it 's a wonderful organization . ''

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`` goodness , glass , '' his mother scolded as she took in his condition . `` you have no tact . you do n't just thrust a revelation like that on someone . ca n't you see lucien 's in shock ? '' `` how in hell can a man not know when he 's in love ? '' magnus complained . lucien laughed , an odd , slightly wondering chuckle . `` i do love her , '' he breathed . `` all these weeks of torture , and we could have been together . '' `` why do n't you simply tell her how you feel ? '' he firmed his resolve . `` and i 'll prove it to her . '' `` you do n't have a lot of time , '' magnus pointed out . `` fontaine is champing at the bit . '' lucien grit his teeth . but julienne promised me she would keep him waiting until the end of the season . '' `` that 's only a few weeks away , '' his mother reminded . `` you must n't lose her , lucien . you 'll regret it forever . '' `` do n't worry , mother . '' he had n't achieved his success through good fortune . he 'd worked hard for it , and he would work hard for julienne . chapter eleven `` you must be bored stiff . '' julienne looked up from her book and hid a smile . curled up in a settee in lucien 's office , she watched him surreptitiously while he worked . he was in the middle of purchasing a mill , which would be the cornerstone of several new ventures , and the acquisition was taking up all of his time . she had n't seen him in two days and finally decided to simply show up unannounced at remington 's . by bringing her abigail with her , she 'd deflected any suspicion on aunt eugenia and hugh 's parts , and she 'd snuck in through the kitchens to avoid being seen . lucien came for her immediately , dispatching her maid for a tour of the establishment before taking julienne to his office . she had insisted he work , apologizing profusely for disturbing him , despite his assurances that her interruption was welcome . `` you 're too quiet , '' he said . `` and i 'm certain you did n't come here to watch me work . '' lucien had removed his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves . something about his casualness and absorption in his task made her hot . the sight of his bare forearms and strong hands made her ache . the way he muttered over contracts filled her with contentment . after years of watching hugh struggle with money , she admired lucien 's easy handling of it . a `` domesticated pirate '' is what fontaine had called him . julienne agreed and found it thrilling . `` i quite enjoy watching you work , '' she murmured . lucien grinned and set aside his quill . `` i quite enjoy having you here . i was n't certain i could accomplish much with you so close at hand , but actually i find your presence quite stimulating . '' `` that 's because you 're a scoundrel . '' leaning back in his chair , he asked , `` how are things progressing with fontaine ? '' julienne shrugged . `` yesterday he took me to the royal academy of art . he wishes to ask montrose permission to pay his addresses and asked if i was open to his interest . '' lucien stiffened . `` what did you say , my love ? '' she picked restlessly at her skirt . `` i asked him if he loved me . '' lucien swallowed hard . `` and how did he reply ? '' `` he believes he can grow to love me , given the time . '' `` did you tell him you would accept his suit ? '' julienne met his gaze with a reproving frown . `` you know i would not be here with you if i had . i asked him to wait until the end of the season , as you and i discussed . '' `` he must have been curious as to your reasons . '' i told him there was the possibility that someone i cared for could grow to love me as well , and i wanted to allow the other man sufficient opportunity to do so . '' `` bloody hell , '' lucien muttered , with a rueful laugh . `` i 've always loved your honesty , but for christ 's sake , did you have to be so blunt with him ? no man sylvia day - bad boys ahoy ! wants to hear he 's running in second place . '' `` but finding out he 's first is very pleasant . '' `` i told him he should n't settle for anything less than love either . he admired my honesty and agreed to respect my wishes . '' `` he did say he would put up a fight . ''

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within minutes she walked back into the room , and he could think of nothing more than the fact that he wished he could take her into his arms again , force her body flush against his and ease her into his touch until she was begging for him to take her . what was it about kate preston that could reduce him to a pathetic , heated , shell of a man , never satisfied with her for long before he wanted ... needed her again ? she cocked her head to the side analyzing him and he realized that he had n't said a word to her since they had entered the penthouse . he shot her a grin but he caught the shiver of apprehension that tore through her body . she obeyed , approaching him carefully stopping a few feet away , but he reached out and brought her in , his hands grabbing for her arms , and she drew in a deep breath when he took her into his arms . she purred as he ran a hand down to the small of her back , causing her to go to still though he could hear her heaving breathing as he brought her close to his chest , rocking her gently in a slow dance . `` i was thinking about how nice it would be to take a bath with you . suddenly shy now that she was alone in the exquisitely appointed hotel suite wrapped in gage 's arms , kate struggled with nerves . the last time she 'd been with him in such a place , she 'd been overwhelmed with need for him and yet had left with that need unquenched . now , after two weeks stuck on tour with him , she was still feeling the overpowering weight of her desire for gage but this time , she would make the choice to give in with no holding back . she was suddenly very aware of her every curve , her round ass and shapely h*ps and though she knew that gage was attracted to her , it was one thing to make love to him fiercely and passionately as they were distracted by the incredible hunger , but to bathe with him , to be cradled in his arms in such a sensual way was a whole other thing . `` i promise , you 'll enjoy it , '' gage murmured , raking his fingers through her hair and pulling out the pins so that the auburn locks cascaded over her face . `` besides , we have to get cleaned up after that elevator ride . '' his teasing , lustful smile made kate 's br**sts grow heavy . the memory of his c*ck buried deep inside of her in the elevator had far from faded . and it had left her hungry for more . shedding the last of her doubts - for now , kate backed away from him , sucked in a deep breath and then lifted her hands to the hem of her shirt . he noticed how her fingers trembled as she drug the material up and across her skin before casting it on a nearby chair . she saw his eyes gleam in awareness as she shed her clothing , tensing only when her skirt slid down to her ankles , leaving her completely vulnerable and dressed in nothing but her bra and panties . there was no mistaking the feral shadow of arousal that made his features darken . to know that this man , desired by so many women not just around the country but around the world , wanted only her - right here and now , once again , made kate feel powerful and special . and it was exactly what she needed . by the time she was stripped down , she 'd reached the bathroom door . spinning on her heels , she moved out of the room and she heard his earthy , hungry growl as she disappeared from his line of sight . the marble-lined bathroom was oversized , and yet there was no mistaking the intimacy as the air was soon filled with the scents and steam from the oils swirling in the bubble bath . gage was completely nak*d when he appeared moments later and found her reclining in the tub , her neck stretched out against the porcelain , all but her shoulders and br**sts were cloaked in a thick foam of bubbles . in his hands he held two thick-stemmed glasses half-filled with a light green-colored liquid . `` absinthe ... something i think you should try - at least once , '' gage explained with a wolfish smile as he walked towards her . kate could n't tear her eyes from his beautifully chiseled body , rippling with vitality and definition in each golden sinew . his lean , tight frame was the perfect backdrop for his thick , long c*ck that was twitching at the sight of beautiful , curvy kate who squirmed lower into the scented foam . it had been a long time since gage had seen her completely nak*d and she still felt a burst of self-consciousness and vulnerability as she submerged into the water so that she was covered up to her neck . `` you know , this is a first for us ... taking a bath together . '' he added , sliding into the water behind her with a smooth , fluid movement , carefully placing the wine glasses on the table next to the bathtub . `` i do n't know why we never did it before , '' kate lied .

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but the work you did was stopped by your death , and before someone else could pick up the threads or recreate it , a horrible environmental accident occurred and there was widespread contamination of the ground and water . thousands of people were sickened or killed . all research on natural-gas extraction was halted , and soon after , the oil companies lobbied the governments of most countries and convinced them this area of energy drilling was too dangerous . im so close to a breakthrough . didnt people care about what i left unfinished ? they were brainwashed , greedy and believed what was most beneficial for them . the dangers of climate change would just start to be taken seriously , and special interest groups would convince the population it was a hoax . that , and your fairly insane electoral process to choose leaders were corrupted so badly , the underminers were successful . dr. cromwell , celeste said softly , someone murdered you over your research . my brother was right , then . your male sibling ? hes in agreement with us ? lukes been telling me im in danger . ive been getting warnings . yes , through an archaic communicative method called email . to date , youve received four . soon they will stop . dorian took pity on him . it makes sense to conclude the sender has some connection with petroleum . an employee of an oil company is warning me of this threat to my life ? the sender writes to you as watchingoutforyou @ xmail.com . he or she obviously knows someone intends to terminate you because of your research . perhaps the sender is the one who must kill you if you dont heed the warning . alisha hesitated . this was his last bullet . i may have gotten the idiom wrong . his lastshot at stopping you ? sighing heavily , cromwell leaned back in his chair . celeste crossed to him and knelt down . again , she touched his hand . again , she trembled . were prepared to show you what the time where we come from holds , dr. cromwell . is that why you want to save my life ? yes , we believe that if you do not complete your research , the pollution of the future will spiral out of control , and mankind will be doomed . my research prevents that from happening ? he needed assurance . its the basis for other research , yes , that prevents future destruction . man , id like to believe that . then let us convince you . again he was thoughtful . are you sure you can change the course of the future ? ninety-nine point one percent sure , alisha quoted . this is one great dreama daughter , my research changing the course of history . it will be if you dont die , alisha said soberly . if you do , that dream turns into a nightmare for all of humanity . chapter 2 his frustration level going through the goddamn roof , luke cromwell stared hard at his brilliant brother . he felt that way often with jess , and had from the time they were young . jess fidgeted . now , when he was nervous , he worried the wedding band on his left hand . when they were kids , hed scratched his head . youve been after me to do something about those emails , and i am . hiring a bodyguard without consulting your brother , whos a lieutenant in the special investigations unit of the nypd , is ridiculous . why the hell would you do something like this without my help or at least my advice ? his brothers face flushed . vista institute did . they fund my research , so i told them about the emailsafter you got on me about them so much . luke remembered the conversation you have a beautiful wife . be a shame to leave her alone . wise up , will you little brother ? let me track down these warnings or whatever they are . his chin raised , jess continued , theyve worked with her company before . the comment made his blood pressure spike . your bodyguards female ? youre going to spend all your waking hours with another woman ? oh , ill bet helen will be overjoyed when she learns of the threats and of that little fact . jess gave a goofy smile that luke didnt understand . helen will be fine once he didnt finish , just crooked a shoulder . shell worry less now that i have protection . i was thinking of jealousy . helen , jealous ? come on luke , weve been together since high school . why would i ever stray ? precisely because youve been together since then . but luke didnt voice that opinion . he knew he was overprotective of jess , and also that his own failed marriagethanks in part to that monster hed mentionedhad made him cynical . plus , jess and helen were closer than any couple he knew . not being able to have kids had created a deep bond between them . lets table that . whats the new bodyguards training , background and skill level ? i told you , vista took care of all this . then , ill find out . all i need is her name and date of birth to run a background check . no , luke , i dont want you to interfere . the companys concerned enough about me and my research that theyve provided me protection .

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the moment she said jem 's and will 's names , she blanched with memory . she had been carried off while the shadowhunters had been fighting desperately for their lives on the institute steps . had they held out against the automatons ? had any of them been injured , or , god forbid it , killed ? but surely she would know , be able to feel it , if anything like that had happened to jem or to will ? she was so conscious of them both as pieces of her heart . `` no , '' said mrs. black . `` to answer the question in your eyes , you would n't know if either of them were dead , those pretty shadowhunter boys you like so much . so people always imagine , but unless there exists a magical tie like the parabatai bond , it is but a fanciful imagining . when i left , they were fighting for their lives . '' she grinned , and her teeth sparked , metallic in the dimness . `` if i did not have orders from mortmain to bring you to him unharmed , i would have left you there to be cut into strips . '' `` why does he want you to bring me to him unharmed ? '' `` you and your questions . i had nearly forgotten how annoying it was . there is some information he wants that only you can provide him . and he still wants to marry you . the more fool him . let you devil him all his life for all i mind ; i want what i want from him , and then i will be gone . '' `` there 's nothing i could possibly know that would interest mortmain ! '' mrs. black snorted . `` you are so young and stupid . you are not human , miss gray , and there is very little you understand about what you can do . we might have taught you more , but you were recalcitrant . you will find mortmain a less lenient instructor . '' `` lenient ? '' `` you beat me bloody . '' `` there are worse things than physical pain , miss gray . mortmain has little mercy . '' tessa leaned forward , her clockwork angel beating double time under the bodice of her dress . `` why do what he asks you ? you know you ca n't trust him , you know he would happily destroy you- '' `` i need what he can give me , '' mrs. black said . `` and i will do what i must do to obtain it . '' she heard mrs. black laugh , and then the dark sister slipped back her hood and unfastened the collar of her cloak . tessa had read in history books about heads on spikes over london bridge , but she had never imagined how horrific it would actually look . obviously whatever decay mrs. black had suffered after her head had been severed had not been reversed , so ragged gray skin hung down around the spike of metal that impaled her skull . she had no body , only a smooth column of metal from which two sticklike jointed arms protruded . the gray kid gloves that covered whatever sort of hands jutted from the ends of the arms added the last macabre touch . chapter 12 ghosts on the road oh ever beauteous , ever friendly ! tell , is it , in heav'n , a crime to love too well ? to bear too tender , or too firm a heart , to act a lover 's or a roman 's part ? is there no bright reversion in the sky , for those who greatly think , or bravely die ? -alexander pope , `` elegy to the memory of an unfortunate lady '' will stood upon the crest of a low hill , his hands jammed into his pockets , gazing out impatiently over the placid countryside of bedfordshire . he had ridden with all the speed he and balios could muster out of london toward the great north road . leaving so near to dawn had meant that the streets had been fairly clear as he 'd pounded through islington , holloway , and highgate ; he had passed a few costermonger carts and a pedestrian or two , but otherwise there had been nothing much to hold him up , and as balios did not tire as quickly as an ordinary horse , will had soon been out of barnet and able to gallop through south mimms and london colney . will loved to gallop-flat to the horse 's back , with the wind in his hair , and balios 's hooves eating up the road underneath him . now that he was gone from london , he felt both a tearing pain and a strange freedom . it was odd to feel both at once , but he could not help it . near colney there were ponds ; he had stopped to water balios there before journeying on . now , almost thirty miles north of london , he could not help recalling coming through this way on his way to the institute years ago .

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for eugenes development , terzini had experimented by uniting human dna with the dna of a male lion . in doing so , dr. franklin terzini had created an individual as vicious as he was intelligent . hed created eugene . eugene regarded the unusual circumstances of his bio-molecular configuration as a gift . the interspecies combination sharpened his senses beyond that of human beings , made him more keen and alert . as a result , he had developed into a ferocious fighter . moreover , he came to enjoy not only hunting his prey , but killing it as well . he considered every attack and expertly executed each with precision . during routine training exercises , he refused to concede defeat . instead , he persisted until an opponent was overcome , permanently . his maker had introduced a variety of beasts and placed them as battle challengers . all had attempted to best him but none had posed a threat . his cunning and kill methods had proved superior . his work ethic did not end in the physical arena . it extended to his learning prowess as well . he devoured knowledge as an animal devours its prey . his maker had exposed him to every literary genre yet he focused on works that centered on war and power and the mastery of ones emotions and surroundings . though written by prosaic humans , surprisingly , he had discovered that such volumes had strategic value , that uninspired people who struggled to conquer their passions had far more useful information than he had originally concluded . eugenes preference for books about aggressive impulses and their relation to battle had not gone unnoticed by dr. terzini . he had observed how his enthusiasm for such works was misinterpreted by his creator . his passion had been dismissed as diligence , a characteristic his maker viewed as devoid of emotion , that carried evolutionary purpose . eugene believed terzini had chosen not to see obvious responses that stirred in him . instead , his creator celebrated how he attacked tasks rather than simply completing them ; it was the purpose of his existence . he had been created to dispose of those who became aware of or interfered with dr. terzinis work . he used his gifts to carry out such tasks . what his creator did not know was that killing was a rare treat eugene savored . sent to resolve conflicts where his skills were warranted , he was called out of his brooding abstraction to assassinate people who threatened his creator or the nature of his work . he accepted his calling for murder . he had been called on intermittently in his short existence and looked forward to each occasion . most recently his talents were required for a situation involving his maker and an organized crime group in russia . dr. terzini moved from the russian far east with his most recent creation , gabriel , to their new residence earlier in the week and left eugene instructions that first included the slaughtering of dmitri ivanov and his crew . how the task was to be carried out was left for him to decide . after he finished with ivanov and his men , eugene needed to tend to other projects that were meant to ensure the murders would never be linked to terzini . his makers plan was carefully calculated and he was certain of its success . he believed his creator to be the single most intelligent human being world-over and that fooling a group of useless criminals would occur with relative ease . excitement stirred in him as he considered his long and detailed assignment . the time was fast approaching when he would be able to release his fury and kill again . though he knew he was designed to be devoid of human emotion , eugene felt a stirring similar to pleasure at the thought of taking a human life . his insides quivered , threatened to break the concentration of his trance . but he knew he must carefully control his excitement . control was essential to his existence . the murder of dmitri ivanov caused more stimulation than others had in the past . ivanov was of particular interest to eugene . not only did the lowly criminal have the audacity to threaten his creator , ivanov also traveled with a small band of men , always . it would be a necessary phase of ivanovs extermination to dispose of his associates as well . the prospect of additional assassinations made him shudder involuntarily . struggling to regain his composure and harness his rage , eugene refocused on the simple analog wall clock , the regular sweeping of the second hand and the rhythmic ticking of the minute hand . he watched each second of every minute counting down until the hour came when he would be able to bring his murderous wrath to ivanov and his men . eugene reached into the pants pockets of his plain , tan chinos and retrieved a folded piece of paper . he smoothed out the creases against the side of his oaken chair . on it was written an address . the information was the location he was to deliver a nuclear warhead to the faction of the russian mafia headed by dmitri ivanov . the corners of his mouth pulled up , curled into a sinister smile as he considered how no such transaction would ever occur .

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he chose the wing chair and stroked harry 's head as he walked past the cat . harry remained unruffled by all these dramatics . she envied him a little . charlotte asked as she sat down again . she picked up her knitting , hoping it would calm her . as if to prove this was an official visit , jack pulled out his pen and pad . `` rumor has it ben rhodes met with the people of puget sound medical and dental this afternoon . '' charlotte was beside herself with excitement . `` he went with louie benson . '' jack noted this information on his pad . `` i 'm sure mayor benson will fill you in on the details . '' `` i do n't suppose this has anything to do with that parcel of land off heron street recently bequeathed to the city by the duncan family ? '' charlotte beamed him a smile . very little got past jack griffin . `` it could , '' she murmured and continued to concentrate on her knitting for fear he 'd read the absolute delight in her eyes . `` my guess- '' `` i 'm not at liberty to say another word , jack . an announcement will be made by the mayor tomorrow morning . '' `` so cedar cove is going to get its health clinic , after all ? '' charlotte kept her head lowered . `` that 's a distinct possibility , but you did n't hear it from me , understand ? '' `` is that the only reason you 're here ? '' she wondered who 'd mentioned the news about the clinic . bess had come over earlier and charlotte had shared it with her dear friend . bess had been thrilled , but she never could keep a secret , no matter how much she promised . jack got up and stared into the kitchen . `` i did n't actually stop by because of the clinic . that was a convenient excuse . where 's olivia hiding ? '' `` i most certainly am not hiding , '' her daughter announced , moving to the kitchen doorway where she stood with her arms crossed . `` i-i was taking mother 's pie out of the oven . '' `` oh , dear , i 'd forgotten all about it . i did n't hear the timer . '' charlotte was so flustered that the cherry pie had completely slipped her mind . `` i think i should give you two a moment alone , '' charlotte said , walking past olivia to check on the pie . never in all her life had it taken her longer to complete a single row of knitting . she could n't quite stifle a sigh . in the last thirty minutes , she 'd been up and down more times than an elevator . olivia remained in the kitchen doorway and it was all charlotte could do not to push her forward . jack was n't standing in the living room because he liked the view . he 'd come for his wife and if olivia had a lick of sense she 'd realize it . they stared at each other and finally jack spoke . `` i promise i wo n't leave the peanut butter out again , '' he muttered . charlotte resisted the urge not to giggle . `` oh , jack , i did n't mean any of those terrible things i said . '' `` it 's just that i-i guess i really am a neat freak ... '' jack shook his head . `` i 'm a slob . i 'll try harder , i promise . '' olivia flew out of the kitchen then . charlotte peered into the living room and discovered that jack had his arms around his wife . they hugged each other for a long moment . everything was going to be all right , she thought with relief . they 'd have their difficulties but their commitment and love for each other was strong enough to keep them together . olivia asked her husband . jack nodded and kissed the top of her head . `` do you really think i 'm a sex fiend ? '' olivia glanced over her shoulder and charlotte pretended not to have heard . `` best compliment i 've had in years . '' the laughter was back in olivia 's voice . arm in arm , they walked out the door . her daughter did n't know how lucky she was . twenty-five bob caught sight of the other car as he rounded the corner . he 'd spent the last three hours with the theater group , rehearsing his role as the attorney billy flynn in the musical chicago . it was now after ten and this late at night , harbor street was nearly deserted . he noticed that the blue suv took each turn he made , the bumper dangerously close to his own . bob felt his heart leap into his throat just as the vehicle eased back . bob took a left at heron and the suv turned left , as well . knowing he tended to jump to conclusions , he wanted to be sure and made an immediate right . again the vehicle behind him turned in the same direction . at least it maintained a safe distance .

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he tromped over to the cash register , squinted at me , and said , `` what 'd you do to your hair ? '' `` i cut it , '' i said . `` and dyed it . '' when he still did n't say anything , i added , `` do you like it ? '' `` it 's your hair . '' but ... `` i found i did n't know how to finish my sentence . why did i care if earl liked it or not ? eyes down , i took his money . he always got the same drink , so there was no further discussion required . christina swirled a generous galaxy of whipped cream onto earl 's raspberry mocha , drizzled the cream with bright red raspberry syrup , and topped the whole thing off with a white plastic lid . `` here you go , '' she announced . `` thank you , ladies , '' he said . he raised his cup in a toast , then strode out the door . `` you think earl 's lumberjack buddies tease him about getting such a girly drink ? '' `` not more than once , '' christina said . the door jangled , and a guy held it open for his girlfriend . at least , i assumed she was his girlfriend , because they had that coupley look to them , all goofy and love struck . i immediately thought of jeb-i 'd gone , what , two seconds without his crossing my mind ? -and felt lonely . `` wow , more early birds , '' christina commented . `` more like late birds is my guess . '' the guy , whom i recognized from school , had bleary eyes and an up-all-night sway to his posture . i thought i recognized the girl , too , but i was n't sure . she could n't stop yawning . `` could you quit that ? '' the guy said to yawning girl . tobin , his name was tobin . he was one grade above me . `` you 're giving me a complex . '' was her name angie , maybe ? yeah , angie , and she was nongirly in a way that made me feel too girly . i doubted she meant to , though . i doubted she even knew who i was . `` that 's just great , '' he said . he appealed to me and christina , spreading his arms . `` she thinks i 'm boring . i 'm boring her-can you believe it ? '' i kept my expression pleasant but noncommittal . tobin wore scruffy sweaters and was friends with the korean guy who said `` asshat , '' and he and all of his buddies were intimidatingly clever . the kind of clever that made me feel cheerleader-dumb , even though i was n't a cheerleader , and even though i personally did n't think cheerleaders were dumb . chloe-the-stuart-dumper , maybe . `` hey , '' tobin said , pointing at me . `` but your hair was n't always pink . '' `` so you work here ? that 's wild . '' `` she works here . she 's probably worked here for years , and i never knew it . '' `` spooky , '' the girl said . she smiled at me and kind of tilted her head , as if to say , i know i know you , and i 'm sorry i do n't know your name , but `` hi '' anyway . `` can i get drinks started for you guys ? '' tobin scanned the menu board . `` ah , christ , this is the place with the messed-up sizes , is n't it ? like , grande instead of large ? '' he stretched it out all stupid and fake-french , and christina and i shared a look . `` why ca n't you just call it a large ? '' `` you could , except grande is a medium , '' christina said . `` venti is large . '' `` venti . for the love of god , ca n't i order in plain english ? '' it was a delicate balance : keeping the customer happy , but also , when needed , calling him on his crap . `` it might confuse me , but i 'll figure it out . '' angie 's lips twitched . it made me like her . `` no , no , no , '' tobin said , holding his hands up and making a show of recanting . `` when in rome and all that . i 'll , uh ... let me think ... can i get a venti blueberry muffin ? '' his hair was sticking up , he looked utterly exhausted , and yes , he was acting like a tool . i was fairly sure he did n't know my name , either , despite the fact that we 'd gone to the same elementary school , middle school , and high school . yet there was something sweet about him as he looked at angie , who was laughing along with me . `` the sizes are for drinks , '' she said . she put her hands on his shoulders and aimed him toward the pastry case , where six identically plump muffins sat at attention .

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i thought we agreed we liked things naked , alex teased . yes , well , use your imagination , she shot back without missing a beat , and alex burst out laughing . she was so different , so refreshing , and he couldnt tear his eyes from her face as she used the back of her hand to push a stray lock away from her face . no teasing , miss . i promised to be good , so play fair , please . this time it was angels turn to laugh as her eyes widened in mock exaggeration . whats good for the goose she reminded as she plopped a well-laden plate filled with garlic-scented pasta and a light salad down in front of him . and , stop fishing . so lets just get that off the table right now , okay ? alexs body reacted to her words and to her nearness to the luscious memories from the night before as she took the seat to his left and the soft scent of her perfume wafted in his nostrils . the light in her apartment was low andthe soft jazz playing from somewhere in the living roomechoed off the walls . alex felt comfortable in an unsettling sort of way . his body reacted , but he felt at ease in angels home . talking with her was nice , and their easy bantering was completely stimulating in a number of ways . he chose to ignore her comments lest he give in to the need to reach out again , but his eyes stole glances at her as she offered him some bread . she demanded when she caught him staring . im not going to let you trick me into anything . did you get your reports finished ? were the results what youd hoped ? angel shook her head and shrugged almost imperceptibly . alexs brow dropped as he wound some pasta onto his fork . it just seems dangerous , angel . what made you choose to do this type of work ? angels eyes lifted to meet his and what she saw there was earnest concern . i wanted to help people who couldnt help themselves , to become a voice for those without one . something in her voice made alex push . sounds like theres more to it . the pasta will get cold . we should eat , she murmured , but alex had already taken a bite . is gourmet cooking another of your many talents ? only the bare essentials . im surprised dad and i survived . this is so easy , though . i make it a lot . angel was thankful he moved to another subject , praying silently that he wouldnt revisit the previous one . why psychology ? angel hesitated as she played with the food on her plate . shed never discussed it with anyone other than becca and not for years . well a warm hand closed around hers and the heat traveled up her arm and infused her face . its okay if you dont want to tell me , but i really hope to know you better , he said gently , his fingers brushing back and forth over her knuckles . i get that i have to earn it . something about this man caused an upheaval of her insides and all of her carefully laid plans to resist him came tumbling down . suddenly , she found herself longing to open up , but what would his reaction be ? well , my freshman year at northwestern , someone was well , she was assaulted at a frat party and it changed me . alexs fingers were still around angels hand as he replaced his wine glass by his plate and turned his full attention on her . was it becca ? mmmm , uh uh . she shook her head , and then stopped , eyes flashing up to his . his face was concerned , interested , focused . we were at a party , we had drinks , and someone drugged her . angel looked away quickly . alex ran the back of his fingers across her wrist . his touch was comforting and his company wrapped around her like her favorite quilt . angel shook her head again as she regained her senses . she was too scared to call the police , afraid that her friends and family would be ashamed of her , afraid theyd think it was her fault . so , i wanted to be in a position to put bastards like that behind bars , or help anyway , with situations like that . alex nodded silently and reached out to brush her cheek the same way he had her wrist . it was so gentle and surprising . she wondered if he understood . alex , tell me more about your parents and sister . you only talked about your brother last evening . it was clear to him that she wanted the subject changed and he sensed she was hedging . some nondescript emotion flitted over her delicate features and it pained him . my father is a brilliant businessman , and my mother is a beautiful , caring woman . she and my sister , allison , do a lot of philanthropic work when theyre not messing in my personal life . he chuckled softly as he continued to enjoy his meal . i sense youre all very close . are they all in the area ? allisons husband is in insurance , and though my parents take two extended trips a year , most of the time they are here .

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then he checked into his hotel and went up to his room . the first thing he did was pour himself a drink . he was as jittery as a rookie on game day . all he could think about was how much this chance meant . he glanced down at the phone and knew he should call birdie , but the thought exhausted him . he 'd have to pretend he was in town to see some college athlete -- as if -- and she 'd blather on about sofa fabrics . neither one of them would really listen to the other . it had been that way for years . so why was it bothering him so much lately ? with a sigh , he picked up the phone and dialed his home number . on the fourth ring , the answering machine picked up . birdie 's recorded voice said , hi , you 've reached jack and birdie . we 're not here but the answering machine is . leave your message . `` hey , honey , '' he said , `` i 'm at the carlyle hotel , room 501 . the number 's on the fridge . those words came automatically , but in the silence that followed , he found himself thinking about what they meant ... and how long it had been since they were completely true . he went to his window and stared out at the glittering manhattan night . a watery , faded reflection of his own face stared back at him . he closed his eyes , and in the sudden darkness , he saw a younger , brighter version of himself . a man still puffed up with the certainty of his own greatness . that man walked through another time and place , far from here . dusk , on a cold winter 's day ... he 'd gone to the delta delta gamma sorority house on forty-fifth street and been told that elizabeth rhodes always spent sunday evenings in the arboretum . he 'd had no choice but to go looking for her there . desperation had spurred him ; there was nothing more desperate than a college football star with a failing grade . he 'd found her in the marshy trails along the edge of lake washington . she 'd been painting . at first , all he 'd seen was her hair , gilded by the setting sun . she 'd had on a blue shetland wool sweater and baggy denim overalls that completely camouflaged her body , a trio of paintbrushes stuck out of her back pocket . odd that he remembered that single detail , but there it was . she 'd had three brushes . he still remembered their conversation , almost word for word ... ... he cleared his throat and said , `` elizabeth rhodes ? '' she spun around so fast , she dropped a paintbrush . she tented a hand across her face , squinting into the setting sun . he noticed the strand of pearls at her throat , peeking out from beneath a tattered denim collar . `` jackson shore ... i got your name from dr. lindbloom in the english department . he said you might have room in your tutoring schedule for a new student . '' `` i 'm flunking out of lit one-oh-one . '' a frown pleated her brow . `` junior . '' `` a junior flunking out of a basic english lit class who calls for help -- on a sunday -- in the final week of the quarter . '' her ocean-green eyes narrowed . `` let me guess : athlete . '' the smile she gave him was thin . look -- what was your name , jock ? -- i 'd love to help , but -- '' `` that 's great . dr. lindbloom said i could count on you . my final paper is supposed to be a verse in iambic pentameter . the movement left streaks of yellow paint across her forehead . after a long moment , she said , `` i suppose i could meet with you tonight . '' whoa ... homework on a sunday night ? he could see that she was trying to remember his name again , and insanely , that turned him on . he was used to women pursuing him , sleeping with him because he was the quarterback , and yet here he was , drawn to this woman who could n't remember his name . she inclined her head in dismissal and went back to painting . his tennis shoes sank into the wet , marshy grass . staring up at him intently , she tucked a flyaway lock of blond hair behind her ear . that was when he noticed her huge diamond engagement ring . `` look , jake -- '' `` jack . '' `` i only take students who really care about their classes . '' he closed the last small distance between them . they do n't care if you jocks actually learn anything . '' he heard something in her voice that surprised him , a shadow of an accent . southern , he thought . he liked the rolling , mint-julep sweetness of it . as the look went on , she started to blush . i 'll meet you tomorrow morning at suzzallo .

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grant bent down to help , using the opportunity to see what everett was toting around . without looking like he was , grant scanned the pages as he picked them up . they were financial documents of some kind , along with tax forms . isabelle 's tax forms . what the hell was he doing with those ? `` i 'm sorry , isabelle , '' said everett . `` i was going to give these to you tonight , but now i 'll have to take them home and reorganize them . '' `` it 's fine , '' soothed isabelle as she helped gather papers . `` tax day is n't for a while yet . i 'm just glad you were able to fit me in . i know how busy you are this time of year . '' everett blushed . your forms are simple . '' `` then why ca n't i figure it out myself ? everett 's blush darkened , and he tugged at his tie as if he had a hard time swallowing . grant handed everett the folder that had housed all of the papers and watched as he carefully righted the chaotic stack of tax forms . `` you 're an accountant now ? '' asked grant as he helped everett to his feet . he set the folder on the table and brushed off his knees , though grant could see no dirt . it pays the bills . '' everett sat down across the table from isabelle but barely raised his eyes from his lap . the way he could hardly look at isabelle without blushing made grant think that the guy had a bad case of the hots for her . not that grant blamed him . keith showed up right on everett 's heels . he smiled at grant and shook his hand , while offering hugs to the ladies and a hearty slap on the back to everett . the smaller man nearly landed on the floor , but grant steadied him . `` good to see you all again , '' said keith . `` we should get together like this more often , though under better circumstances if i read isabelle 's expression right . '' `` that would be nice , '' said isabelle , `` but we 'll have to do it without grant . he 's on his way out of town in a couple of days , so enjoy him while he 's here . '' grant raised a brow at her comment and said in a low voice to her , `` i do so like to be enjoyed . '' isabelle shot him a warning look , but it was softened by the feminine smile that warmed her mouth . `` amanda does n't have much time , so i 'm going to get right to it . '' isabelle cleared her throat and glanced nervously at grant . he nodded in encouragement . keith gave him a narrow , disapproving look at his endearment , but grant ignored him . he sat back and let isabelle explain to the group what was going on while he kept an eye on their reactions . he was hoping that something about one of them would jump out at him and proclaim their guilt as the killer . `` i think we 're all in danger . i have reason to believe that someone is killing people who used to live with lavine and staging their deaths as suicides . '' amanda 's weary eyes widened . isabelle reached for her hand . `` i 'm sorry , but it 's not . '' everett sat silently . keith leaned forward , his handsome face furrowed with concern . `` i looked into those deaths when you told me about them , isabelle . there was nothing to support your claim . you talked to the police , and so did i . '' `` the police were wrong not to believe me , '' said isabelle . keith shook his head at her . `` those poor people were suffering and chose to end it . they 'd never want their actions to make the rest of us afraid . isabelle frowned at keith , then pinned the others with a pleading look . `` i would n't worry you all with this if i did n't think it was real . '' amanda gulped down some water , and grant noticed her hand shake . she stood and slung her purse over her arm . isabelle shot to her feet . `` amanda , wait . amanda nearly shouted . people at neighboring tables glanced over , but grant gave them a hard stare , telling them to mind their own damn business . they went back to eating with only curious , fleeting glances toward the women . amanda lowered her voice . `` what i have to do is go to work and pray my tips are good enough tonight that i can make my rent payment tomorrow . then when i get home , i have to do laundry so rachel has something to wear to school tomorrow and so that i can get to my next job by six in the morning wearing a clean uniform so i do n't get fired . i 'm already doing everything i can . `` but you could be in danger , '' said isabelle .

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`` you mean berets ? '' `` were the uniforms a gray-blue ? '' werner looked between the two of them . sean put his arm around her and did his best to calm her . her enemies were close and closing in . she wanted to be brave and face this down-and she would . but she could n't seem to stop trembling . he shepherded her toward the truck . as soon as they 'd tossed their luggage in the back , callie followed the guys to the passenger door and took hold of her backpack . she could n't risk damaging the egg or losing the sd card tucked inside again . that disc was the key to her future . they 'd looked for a way to copy the file or backup the information somewhere else , just in case . but short of saving it on werner 's hard drive , they had n't found the means . there had been no internet or any other storage device on board . werner slipped into the driver 's seat . thorpe folded his tall frame in on the other side , sliding to the middle of the bench seat . his knees damn near folded against his chest . he had nowhere else to put them . looking like he 'd rather eat dirt , sean climbed in beside him until they sat with their broad shoulders squeezed together and their thighs pressed close . he pretended like thorpe did n't exist and put her backpack on the floorboard between his feet , then reached down a hand to help her . she braced her foot on the running board and climbed in , doing her best to perch on sean 's thighs . curling up against his chest , she found her senses pelted by the two men she loved . their scents blended , the press of their bodies quickly warming the cab on this chilly morning . she 'd missed that so much as she 'd tried to sleep last night . callie wondered if this was the last time she 'd feel remotely whole . as soon as sean managed to shut the passenger door , werner took off , driving into the glorious sunrise spreading across the nevada desert . it looked expansive and calm . best of all , there was no way anyone could follow them clandestinely out here , in the middle of nowhere . so callie tried to sink into the moment and push all the angst and worry aside . none of it would help her today . but it kept crowding in . by the time she laid her head down tonight to sleep , everything would likely be different . `` elijah says his jeep is still at the walmart , '' thorpe offered . `` he was waiting for his wife to return before he went out there , and that wo n't be for another few days . he says its ours for the duration if we need it . '' sean did n't say a word , just nodded . she really wished he would n't be so angry , and she suspected it was n't totally about thorpe hurting her . he 'd been hurt , too . `` least i could do , '' thorpe answered with a wealth of meaning behind his words . the rest of the drive was silent . traffic was minimal this early in the morning . soon , the roads would be hopping with commuters , but for now , they reached the big-box chain store with barely a stoplight to obstruct them . once in the parking lot , they fished the keys from the magnetic holder behind the wheel well and shoved most of their bags from the truck into the back of the jeep . sean jumped in the driver 's seat , watching the parking lot all around them for any activity . but it was dead empty , save for a few employees . callie gestured thorpe to the front , then crawled in the back with her pack , wishing she could curl up and sleep . she had n't all last night , even when sean had drifted off with his arms around her protectively . she 'd missed having the other half of her soul beside her . what she would n't give for everything to be different with thorpe and for today to turn out right ... sean looked at her in the backseat . `` i 'm hoping we can drive straight to the field office here and walk you in to see the sac . '' `` sac ? '' `` special agent in charge . once we do that , we 'll call back to the dallas office and- '' thorpe 's phone rang . no one calling him at six-thirty in the morning was going to be trying to reach him for a friendly chat . `` put him on speaker . '' thorpe frowned , then did what sean demanded . `` a little more information , and none of it gives me a warm fuzzy . elijah was finally able to send me a security image of the dude trolling for callie at the airport ... how is she , by the way ? ''

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rather than be discouraged , beth waited patiently for the course of vomiting to end , then pressed the vial on her sister again . this time , charlie accepted the vial and even managed to swallow some of the concoction . she then got shakily to her feet and stumbled back to lean weakly against the carriage . charlie heard radcliffe clear his throat . the man had turned away from the roadside and stood with his hands clasped behind his back as he waited for charlie to regain herself . after a short time , he glanced at her questioningly . shall we get back in the carriage now ? '' charlie closed her eyes at that prospect , groaned , then pushed herself away from the carriage to kneel in the grass again . beth was immediately beside her , murmuring soothingly as she held her sister 's trembling shoulders as she was sick . radcliffe watched the brother and sister from beside the carriage and sighed . things had not been going very well for the last two days . he had been suffering horribly from a hangover when he had finally managed to get the brother and sister to breakfast and then to depart the day before . much to his disgust , despite the amount the boy had imbibed , charles had not seemed to suffer the same problem . he had been grossly cheerful throughout yesterday 's ride , smiling and happily chatting away to his sister , while radcliffe had felt as if his head were splitting in half . he had been more than grateful when they had arrived at the inn at which they 'd spent last night . radcliffe had immediately hired a messenger from the nearby village to ride into london and fetch back his carriage . he had then joined the twosome for supper before retiring early to bed to nurse his head , only to awaken in the middle of the night to find the lad once again wrapped around him like a second skin . unfortunately , he had also found , much to his dismay , that he 'd been quite enjoying the experience . disentangling himself , raclcliffe had slipped from the bed and spent the rest of the night sitting in a chair , gazing fretfully into the fire . the experience had only convinced him more than ever that he must visit a brothel the moment he arrived in london . with dawn had come the arrival of his carriage . unfortunately , the driver had hit a nit in the dark on his hurried journey and had only just managed to make it to the inn ere the front wheel had split . after making arrangements for it to be fixed and follow them to the city , radcliffe had gone to the nearby village to hire a carriage . this small , rickety old trap had been all he had been able to come up with . riding in it was tantamount to torture . he was sure his very teeth had been shaken loose after the first hour . should he open his mouth , every tooth housed within was likely to tumble right out . now he had a sick boy to contend with . worse yet , the boy 's violent reaction to the ride was raising a rather similar response within himself . radcliffe was positive should he stand there another moment , he would be kneeling in the giass losing his own breakfast . cursing abruptly , he whirled away and paced off along the road in search of fresh air . `` there , there , '' beth cooed , smoothing her hand over her sister 's back soothingly as radcliffe marched away . charlie groaned as the last of her stomach 's contents left her body , then collapsed backward away from the mess to lie on the ground miserably . after a moment , she opened her eyes to peer solemnly at her sister . `` i am dying , '' she announced stoically . beth smiled faintly at the dramatic announcement and shook her head . 't is merely the traveling sickness . '' `` traveling sickness ? '' `` 't is what mother called it . father had it too . he could not bear to ride in an enclosed conveyance . why do you think they did not care to travel ? '' charlie 's eyes widened , then narrowed on her sister . `` why are you not ill then ? '' `` i suppose i inherited mother 's more stalwart constitution . '' `` we are twins , beth . identical in every way , no ? '' `` apparently not so identical as all that . '' sighing , charlie sat up slowly to glare at the carriage. `` 't is that damned contraption . what a hellish invention it is . '' it is most uncomfortable , '' beth murmured on a sigh , then glanced at her once more . `` do you think you could keep down the potion now ? '' charlie nodded and drank from the vial beth lifted to her lips . hoping the liquid would settle in her stomach , she did not rise then but remained where she sat , her gaze moving along the empty lane . `` where has radcliffe got to ? '' beth shrugged mildly . `` i suspect he has gone to find his own little patch along the road . he was looking rather green himself . ''

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as the giants began drills on the field , she and gage settled into their seats a few rows behind the dugout . `` garlic fry ? '' gage said , offering the tray . she took one and savored it . the garlic gave the fries a sharp , pungent taste . she took another , then looked over to where alex stood at first base . he turned and flashed her a smile , then spun around as a ball hit by one of the coaches bounced up and smacked him in the thigh . `` he 's smitten , '' gage teased . `` did n't even see that ball . you may just bring down the whole sport , jack . '' she wrinkled her nose and grabbed a beer from his tray . her body relaxed as she sipped it . after the giants finished their practice , michael albright waved out at the crowd from the top of the giants ' dugout and made a short speech about the center 's work . the man loved attention . the giants ' mascot-how perfect that he was a seal-cavorted beside him , to the glee of the families seated nearby . the screen above center field flashed a short video showcasing the center 's work , and the crowd cheered at the footage of sea lions charging back into the ocean , porpoising and touching noses as they swam off into the waves . jackie 's smile faded when she saw volkov and his russian colleague high-five michael as he stepped down from the dugout . why she had n't expected to see them , she was n't sure . michael made his way over to where jackie and gage sat , a smug look of accomplishment playing on his face . `` see you at the tailgate party , '' he said with his usual ease of command . though she was still put out that he had n't consulted her about the event , she could n't be angry about the result . `` better hope they win , '' he said with a laugh . `` i 've got money on the game with volkov . could fund that new pool . he 's foolish enough to bet against the giants . '' she started to tell him that she 'd not found volkov 's name on the alumni roster of the ivy league school he 'd claimed to have attended , but thought better of it . michael deserved a good day ; he 'd done so much for her , for all of them . questions about volkov could wait . she settled in to watch the game and was thankful to have gage 's move-by-move analysis . so much of the game still escaped her . one thing that did n't escape her was the fuzzy feeling that ran through her whenever she focused on alex . `` do they always miss the ball this much ? '' eight innings had gone by and neither team had scored . worse , alex had struck out twice . `` these are the two best pitchers in the league , '' gage told her . `` but they 'll likely pull scotty . he rarely pitches more than seven innings . '' the giants manager came out of the dugout and tapped two fingers to his arm . though the terms for the game were becoming familiar , the signs and arm movements continued to bemuse her . scotty scowled at him as he walked to the mound . he patted scotty on the bum , and scotty shrugged and walked to the dugout . `` see , told you , '' gage said , as if he 'd been responsible for the manager 's decision . she checked out the fans surrounding them while the new pitcher warmed up . `` top of the ninth , '' gage said when the opposing team 's hitter stepped up to bat . `` if neither team scores , it 'll go to extra innings . one time a game went to nineteen innings , and they had to finish it the next day . it 's a cool thing about baseball , that it does n't kowtow to time . '' he pointed to the player preparing to bat . `` but that 's duarte . it 's not like him to go a whole game without a hit . '' a sharp crack pulled her attention back to the field just in time to watch the ball soar high , arching toward the far side of the stadium . duarte ran toward alex , at first base , then , as he watched the ball fly into the stands , he gave alex an almost imperceptible pat on the butt and slowed his steps , merely jogging now , and touching all the bases . `` bummer , '' gage yelled . `` that 's the guy chasing alex for the triple crown . it helps that there were n't any men on base , but it 's still a bummer . '' gage leaned his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands , riveted to the field . the next hitter smacked a ball so fast toward first that it hit alex 's glove before she could track its path . he spun and threw to second base .

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because he is a very conscientious student , pudge has been deprived of many wonderful culver creek experiences , including but not limited to a. drinking wine with me in the woods , and b. getting up early on a saturday to eat breakfast at mcinedible and then driving through the greater birmingham area smoking cigarettes and talking about how pathetically boring the greater birmingham area is , and also c. going out late at night and lying in the dewy soccer field and reading a kurt vonnegut book by moonlight . although she certainly does not excel at endeavors such as teaching the french language , madame o'malley makes a mean stuffing , and she invites all the students who stay on campus to thanksgiving dinner . which is usually just me and the south korean exchange student , but whatever . pudge would be welcome . i do n't really have a three , but one and two were awfully good . '' one and two appealed to me , certainly , but mostly i liked the idea of just her and just me on campus . `` i 'll talk to my parents . once they wake up , '' i said . she coaxed me onto the couch , and we played decapitation together until she abruptly dropped the controller . i 'm just tired , '' she said , kicking off her flip-flops . she pulled her feet onto the foam couch , tucking them behind a cushion , and scooted up to put her head in my lap . my corduroys . my boxers . i could feel the warmth of her cheek on my thigh . there are times when it is appropriate , even preferable , to get an erection when someone 's face is in close proximity to your penis . so i stopped thinking about the layers and the warmth , muted the tv , and focused on decapitation . at 8:30 , i turned off the game and scooted out from underneath alaska . she turned onto her back , still asleep , the lines of my corduroy pants imprinted on her cheek . i usually only called my parents on sunday afternoons , so when my mom heard my voice , she instantly overreacted . `` what 's wrong , miles ? i think-if it 's okay with you , i think i might stay here for thanksgiving . a lot of my friends are staying '' -lie- '' and i have a lot of work to do '' -double lie . `` i had no idea how hard the classes would be , mom '' -truth . and there 's a big thanksgiving turkey waiting for you . and all the cranberry sauce you can eat . '' i hated cranberry sauce , but for some reason my mom persisted in her lifelong belief that it was my very favorite food , even though every single thanksgiving i politely declined to include it on my plate . but i really want to do well here '' -truth- '' and plus it 's really nice to have , like , friends '' -truth . i knew that playing the friend card would sell her on the idea , and it did . so i got her blessing to stay on campus after promising to hang out with them for every minute of christmas break ( as if i had other plans ) . i spent the morning at the computer , flipping back and forth between my religion and english papers . there were only two weeks of classes before exams-the coming one and the one after thanksgiving-and so far , the best personal answer i had to `` what happens to people after they die ? '' was `` well , something . the colonel came in at noon , his thick ubermath book cradled in his arms . `` i just saw sara , '' he said . `` how 'd that work out for ya ? '' god , 'i love you ' really is the gateway drug of breaking up . saying 'i love you ' while walking across the dorm circle inevitably leads to saying 'i love you ' while you 're doing it . so i just bolted . '' he pulled out a notebook and sat down at his desk . so alaska said you 're staying here . '' i feel a little guilty about ditching my parents , though . '' if you 're staying here in hopes of making out with alaska , i sure wish you would n't . if you unmoor her from the rock that is jake , god have mercy on us all . that would be some drama , indeed . and as a rule , i like to avoid drama . '' `` it 's not because i want to make out with her . '' he grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he 'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me . `` i just did some calculations , and i 've been able to determine that you 're full of shit . '' how could i abandon my parents , who were nice enough to pay for my education at culver creek , my parents who had always loved me , just because i maybe liked some girl with a boyfriend ? how could i leave them alone with a giant turkey and mounds of inedible cranberry sauce ? so during third period , i called my mom at work . i wanted her to say it was okay , i guess , for me to stay at the creek for thanksgiving , but i did n't quite expect her to excitedly tell me that she and dad had bought plane tickets to england immediately after i called and were planning to spend thanksgiving in a castle on their second honeymoon .

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jack 's feeling a little cranky tied up like this , so that 's why he's- '' `` a little cranky ? '' `` try pissed as hell ! you eat our food , you drink all the damned water , and then you throw sand in my face and insult me ! i 've had it with you , brogan ! '' `` and i 've had it with you , a**hole ! '' nick pressed the barrel of the gun to jack 's forehead . genevieve could n't believe that jack was being so stupid . `` nick , you ca n't shoot jack right now , and you know it , so quit acting like you 're going to ! and , jack , shut your trap ! we 're in enough trouble already without you making it worse . '' `` i 'll shoot farley if i want to ! '' `` no secretary is going to tell me if i can shoot somebody or not . and i really feel like shooting this guy . i 'll worry about what to do with him later . '' `` brilliant , '' jack said . `` act now , think afterward . you 're a regular mental giant , brogan . '' i have the gun and you do n't . any last words , boy genius , before i blow a hole in that super-size brain of yours ? '' gencvieve 's fingers brushed the inside of jack 's wrists , where the blood pumped fast . one bullet , and that blood would stop pumping . she did n't know how to stop nick , with jack egging him on , acting more like an idiot than a genius . `` nick , do n't , '' she said . `` you 're not a murderer yet . if you do n't kill anyone , this could all be cleared up . you could plead temporary insanity . i 'm sure matt- '' nick 's laughter cut her off . `` and give up my three mil ? not likely , sweetheart . nope , you two are in my way . time to get rid of one of you , at least . '' the soft click as nick pulled the hammer back with his thumb seemed to echo in the lava rocks surrounding the beach . a large shadow passed over them , and genevieve looked up quickly , praying it was a plane or a helicopter , although she knew immediately it could n't be , because there was no engine noise . in the sliver of time she recognized the albatross soaring above them and instinctively went for the diversion . nick 's head jerked upward . he leaped to his feet and raised the gun . frantically genevieve tried to squeeze one hand out of the belt loop . before nick could register the fact that what was circling overhead was only a harmless albatross , he had reflex-ively pulled the trigger . `` son of a bitchin ' gun ! '' genevieve worked harder , like a fox in a steel trap , not caring if she tore the skin from her hand if she could work it free . she and jack had just gotten lucky . something seemed to be wrong with nick 's gun . another loud click echoed in the rocks . `` fucking thing 's loaded , it 's dry , and it wo n't fire . stupid f**king gun . '' gcnevievc tore one hand loose , skinning it good in the process . then the other hand came free . she glanced over in time to see nick point the gun at the sand , pull the trigger , and then howl in pain . somehow he had managed to shoot himself in the foot . `` help-i 'm shot ! '' he yelled hysterically . `` i wish i could help you , '' jack said . `` but i 'm all tied up at the moment . '' genevieve murmured to jack , `` i 'm free . here- '' she began to work on the knots she 'd tied so well earlier , but her fingers were shaking so badly she was having trouble . and the hand she 'd forced through the belt loop was bleeding . she struggled with the knots , but the blood dripping on the curling iron cord made it slippery . fortunately nick was hollering loud enough to drown out the mormon tabernacle choir , plus he was so busy ripping up his shirt to use as a bandage that he did n't seem to be paying them any mind . finally genevieve loosened the last of the knots and unwound the cord from jack 's hands and his ankle . he started to unbend his leg . he might figure out you 're loose . '' jack groaned but stayed where he was . `` we need to get him over here so we can tackle him and get that gun away from him , '' he whispered . calling to nick felt like splashing around in the water to get the attention of a shark , but at least he was a wounded shark . genevieve got back in position beside jack , as if she were still tied up . before speaking , she had to stop to clear her throat . he was moaning so loudly he did n't seem to hear her .

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lucifers eyes flickered with angry fire . how dare you say his name in my presence ! butit doesnt matter . jesus exists as a way for the redemption of the humans , but not the fallen angels or demons , dantalion . did you know that several fallen angels thought that god would forgive them ? they thought that after one thousand two hundred days god would allow them back into heaven . these fallen angels were deceived in this notion however . presently , these pathetic demons await their chance for forgivenessand so when witches and warlocks summon them to the earth they try and help the humans to the best of their abilities . they do not betray the summoners in the hope that god will see this . but its a futile effort really , god will never forgive his fallen angels . and do you want to know why that is ? dantalion swallowed , his throat was suddenly feeling rather dry . because unlike the humans that have to find god through faith and are allowed to doubt that which they do not seewe knew god personally . we basked in his love and his glory directly and yet we still decided to turn against him . we knew what we were getting ourselves into . this is the greatest sin of all . forgiveness is not an option for us , dantalion . we chose this pathand there is no turning back . dantalion said through gritted teeth . is lucifer implying that i might be a fallen angel ? or is he playing with me ? if i am a cursed human souli might have the chance for redemption . and if i am a cursed fallen angelthen i have no chance for redemption . im sure lucifer only wants me to believe that which will hurt me more . ive been tempting jeannes army , you know ? theyre not so pure . lucifer cackled merrily . they kill on a daily basis and several desire jeanne darcs body . ive entered their dreams and seen them take hersome willingly and others by force . dantalions nails pierced his palms and blood began to trickle down onto the floor . those ingratesif any of them dare to touch jeannethey will die a slow , painful death . lucifer smiled as he watched dantalions blood drip down onto the floor . the humans are weak , dantalion . slaves to their flesh . someone needs to control them . cant you see that they can not handle having free will ? god made a mistake with that one . as long as human beings have free will there will always be evil upon the earth ! there will always be war , murders , rape ! just as god made the mistake of giving you free will apparently . dantalion found himself saying before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth . a muscle ticked below lucifers eye . dantalion , my friend . lucifers hand tightened around the goblet until he ended up bending it out of shape . lucifer sighed and tossed the now useless goblet aside . lucifer , stop this war . i was there on earth . dantalion began to explain haltingly . as ive already explained that peace is nothing but an illusion ! you have no idea how many humans are killing each other upon the earth as we speak . right this very second there are humans who are lying to each other , hurting each other , and stealing from each other ! some do these deeds in gods name . the earth is hell disguised as heaven ! dantalion shook his head as he remembered how jeanne had saved his life . there ishope . but if demons roam the earth things will be even worse . there will be even more violence and killing and chaos ! lucifer hummed thoughtfully . only in the beginning as the humans resist my control . but once i have conquered the earth there will be peace , dantalion . my way will be proven to be better than gods way . he reached his arms out towards dantalion , willing him to understand . peace but no free will ? dantalions eyes narrowed at his friend . if there was no free will then jeanne could not choose to love him . he could force her to love him , yes , butthat would be wrong . love was the only redeeming quality of humanity . take their freedom to love away from them and there would be nothing left worth saving . a small price to pay , lucifer flicked his wrist , dont you think ? join me , dantalion . ill even let you be in control of the lives of the humans , if you wish . id allow you to control all of them . you could make the world as you wish it . you could even force jeanne the maid to love a demon like you ! force jeanne to love him ? the thought sickened him and bile rose up in his throat . jeanne was beautiful , desirable because she was free . didnt jeanne say she craved that ? even dantalion himself lacked freedom . he was lucifers commander - his duke .

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if i cared to hear of a way of making some money , i should call upon him at his home upon the tuesday next . my curiosity was roused , and so i did . taking me into his private library , he shocked me by producing a sheaf of notes , signed by me in promise of payment of various gambling debts , some very large . he produced also certain correspondence , written to me by mrs. t , and of a nature which made the relations between us more than clear . these would have ruined both of us , if made public . i perceiving that mr. adams had me in an invidious position , i inquired what use he might have in mind to make of me . the note then detailed adams 's enrollment of captain bates in a scheme involving the abstraction and transfer of a number of documents . the names of ffoulkes , otway , and jeffords were mentioned ; others were involved , bates believed , but he did not know their names . ffoulkes had been drawn into the conspiracy by the offer of money , bates believed ; otway and jeffords by the threat of exposure . bates had stolen various documents from several offices in whitehall ; he was well known there and his presence passed without remark . he had given these documents to adams , who , he presumed , was collecting information from his other cat's-paws , as well . the attack upon adams was a sham ; the plan had been for bates to meet him privately by the river near lambeth , where adams would pass over a small chest containing all the documents . a boat would be waiting . bates would create the signs of a struggle , wound adams slightly for the sake of conviction , and then go aboard the boat , which would carry him to france , where he would deliver these documents to mrs. ffoulkes 's brother . the chest would contain not only the official documents but also the evidence of bates 's gambling debts , mrs. tomlinson 's letters , and a sum of money . once safely in france , he might destroy the former , send for mrs. tomlinson , and live in peace . adams had told me that otway and jeffords were to burgle his house for the look of the thing , then make themselves scarce , but that he would keep hold of the documents himself until they were given me . i learned later from otway that adams had men in hiding , who sprang upon him and jeffords the moment they had entered the house . meanwhile , he proceeded to our rendezvous , where other men of his employ were already waiting . these emerged as soon as i had done my part of wounding mr. adams slightly , scratching his arm with a knife as agreed upon , and seized me . i do not know what became of the documents themselves . adams had with him a small chest , but this was knocked over in the struggle and proved to be empty . you will know what followed . the statement ended abruptly . this was signed by captain michael bates , his signature witnessed by the governor of newgate , and-a final touch of bates 's sardonic humor-one ezekial poundstone , hangman . grey folded the sheets carefully together . it was a brief , clear statement , but possessed of a sufficiency of detail-names , dates , places-and the nature of some of the documents bates had removed at adams 's behest . he stood looking into the pond for some time , quite unaware of where he was or what he was looking at . plainly , adams 's plan had been to have bates , otway , and jeffords blamed for the theft . he could not have expected what had actually happened-that the theft would be hushed up , the conspirators condemned for unnatural vice rather than theft and treason-these being , of course , quite natural vices . what had been ffoulkes 's part in the matter ? presumably , to conduct the negotiations with france , using his wife 's relatives as the go-between with louis 's spymasters . but when had ffoulkes shot himself ? it seemed so long ago , and grey 's memory of anything further back than yesterday was still undependable . he did recall one thing , though , and going hastily into the house entered the library and rummaged through the drawer into which he was inclined to decant miscellaneous papers , until he emerged with a smeared and worn-edged broadsheet , the faint smell of coffee still in its creases . he hastily unfolded bates 's statement to check a date . no , ffoulkes had shot himself a few days before the arrest of bates , otway , and jeffords . the theft would have been discovered very shortly ; adams could not delay in executing the part of his crime designed to shield himself from blame . but what of the other part ? the delivery of the stolen material to france ? with ffoulkes dead , that pathway might be closed .

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2958], ["grey", 2965], ["fold", 2972], ["folded", 2972], ["sheet", 2983], ["sheets", 2983], ["carefully", 2993], ["together", 3002], ["brief", 3019], ["briefing", 3019], ["possess", 3053], ["possesses", 3053], ["possessed", 3053], ["sufficiency", 3070], ["detail", 3080], ["date", 3094], ["dates", 3094], ["place", 3103], ["places", 3103], ["remove", 3161], ["removed", 3161], ["behest", 3180], ["stood", 3191], ["stand", 3191], ["standest", 3191], ["look", 3199], ["looking", 3199], ["pond", 3213], ["time", 3227], ["quite", 3235], ["unaware", 3243], ["unawares", 3243], ["plainly", 3295], ["blame", 3364], ["blamest", 3364], ["blamed", 3364], ["theft", 3378], ["expect", 3407], ["expected", 3407], ["happen", 3434], ["happened", 3434], ["hush", 3465], ["hushed", 3465], ["conspirator", 3487], ["conspirators", 3487], ["condemn", 3497], ["condemns", 3497], ["condemned", 3497], ["unnatural", 3511], ["vice", 3516], ["rather", 3523], ["treason", 3546], ["course", 3570], ["natural", 3586], ["vice", 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["smelt", 4170], ["smellest", 4170], ["coffee", 4180], ["crease", 4201], ["creases", 4201], ["unfold", 4223], ["unfolded", 4223], ["unfoldest", 4223], ["check", 4251], ["date", 4258], ["day", 4302], ["days", 4302], ["arrest", 4320], ["discover", 4391], ["discovered", 4391], ["shortly", 4404], ["delay", 4428], ["delayest", 4428], ["execute", 4441], ["executes", 4441], ["executing", 4441], ["crime", 4463], ["design", 4472], ["designed", 4472], ["shield", 4482], ["shields", 4482], ["blame", 4501], ["blamest", 4501], ["delivery", 4545], ["material", 4568], ["dead", 4599], ["pathway", 4614], ["close", 4630], ["closed", 4630]]

his arms crossed his powerful chest ; his irises glowed with pure blue flames . he bared his teeth in a predatory smile . chapter 12 lindsay shook her head emphatically . adrian caught her by the shoulders when she made a move to step back . the moment he touched her , he was reminded of the fragility of her mortal body . and she 'd risked her life for his . he wanted her so much he ached with it . his own vulnerability where she was concerned both enraged and humbled him . `` i need you , tzel , '' he said softly . `` no , what you need is for me to be the one strong enough to say no and try to talk some sense into you . '' her gaze lifted beyond his shoulder . pulling free of his grip , she circled him . `` i should have realized before ... you 're having a rough time right now . you 've been through a lot in a short amount of time and you 're not thinking clearly . you 're being reckless . shit , you took on a nest with suicidal odds . '' her hair was still damp , giving the thick curls the hue of pure honey . when she 'd come for his ipad , he 'd been riveted by her predatory stride-the sensual sway of her hips , the soft rustling of silk as she drew closer . a golden lioness on the hunt . more than a match for him . more than willing to take him on ... until she discovered the risks he faced . lindsay gibson was holding back for his benefit , because she was worried about him . anticipation tightened his spine , the weighted expectation for a touch he was n't sure was coming but hungered for anyway . when her fingers brushed tentatively over feathers on his right upper wing , his eyes closed as the barely-there caress moved through him . `` these are beautiful , '' she whispered in a voice filled with awe . i thought they were one pair . but there 's ... three ? you have six wings . '' he could only nod , his throat too tight to speak . her touch grew bolder . she stroked along the upper curve and the wing stretched slightly in bliss . `` they 're sensitive ? but you deflected bullets with them ! '' `` nothing manmade can wound a seraph 's wings . '' she stepped forward again , splaying her fingers and running them lightly over his feathers . `` watching you in action was amazing . '' he knew from the low pitch of her voice that the memory was an arousing one , a lingering effect , perhaps , from her time as shadoe . or maybe that 's just who she was . lindsay was a warrior in her own right . eager to soak up the heat of her focused attention and admiration , he unfurled his wings slowly , a silent encouragement for her to continue touching him . `` every angel i 've seen has had a unique set of wings , '' she murmured , torturing him with her gentle petting . `` jason 's are dark . damien 's are gray . there are some similarities among the others , but no one has wings like yours . the touch of red at the tips ... gorgeous . does it signify anything ? or are wing patterns randomly individual , like fingerprints ? '' `` the stain appeared when i severed the wings from syre . i was the first to spill the blood of an angel . '' `` the first ever ? '' lindsay touched the nape of his neck , then slid her fingertips between his wings down the length of his spine . his back arched with a serrated groan , his body trembling . `` is this erotic to you ? '' reaching behind him , adrian caught her right hand . he pulled it beneath his wings and around to his front . she was forced to step closer , her breath near enough to sink through the down to his skin beneath . he wrapped her fingers around the rigid length of his cock . she made a soft sound , one he recognized as a cry of vulnerability . ruthless , he pressed his advantage , stripping the pants from his body with a terse thought and pressing her palm against his bare flesh . there was a moment of breathless stillness . he waited for her to jerk away or take over . her voice , when it came , was quiet . `` you did that with the shotgun , too , did n't you ? you took it from the vampire and sent it to me . you did it with the straw in the airport . you can move things , just by wanting to . '' her hand closed around him . his arms fell to his sides , his fists clenching . the clean scent of her body and the rich undertone of her arousal permeated his senses . lindsay was intoxicating-certain to be addicting . `` you 're burning hot , '' she whispered . his blood had gone cold the moment he 'd learned of phineas 's death . it had turned to ice when lindsay had collapsed to the ground with blood splattered all over her .

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931], ["nestest", 931], ["suicidal", 945], ["odd", 950], ["odds", 950], ["hair", 964], ["still", 974], ["damp", 979], ["damps", 979], ["damped", 979], ["give", 988], ["giving", 988], ["thick", 998], ["thickest", 998], ["curl", 1004], ["curls", 1004], ["curled", 1004], ["hue", 1012], ["hued", 1012], ["honey", 1026], ["honeys", 1026], ["come", 1045], ["ipad", 1058], ["rivet", 1079], ["riveted", 1079], ["stride", 1103], ["stridden", 1103], ["sensual", 1115], ["sway", 1120], ["swayed", 1120], ["hip", 1132], ["hips", 1132], ["soft", 1143], ["rustling", 1152], ["silk", 1160], ["draw", 1172], ["draws", 1172], ["drawn", 1172], ["drew", 1172], ["close", 1179], ["closer", 1179], ["golden", 1190], ["lioness", 1198], ["hunt", 1210], ["hunting", 1210], ["huntest", 1210], ["match", 1230], ["matching", 1230], ["willing", 1258], ["take", 1266], ["discover", 1298], ["discovered", 1298], ["risk", 1308], ["riskest", 1308], ["risks", 1308], ["face", 1317], ["faced", 1317], ["gibson", 1334], ["hold", 1346], ["holding", 1346], ["benefit", 1367], ["anticipation", 1418], ["tighten", 1428], ["tightens", 1428], ["tightenest", 1428], ["tightened", 1428], ["spine", 1438], ["expectation", 1465], ["touch", 1477], ["touching", 1477], ["sure", 1493], ["come", 1504], ["coming", 1504], ["hunger", 1517], ["hungers", 1517], ["hungering", 1517], ["hungered", 1517], ["anyway", 1528], ["finger", 1547], ["fingers", 1547], ["brush", 1555], ["brushest", 1555], ["brushed", 1555], ["tentatively", 1567], ["feather", 1581], ["feathers", 1581], ["upper", 1600], ["wing", 1605], ["eye", 1616], ["eyed", 1616], ["eyes", 1616], ["close", 1623], ["closed", 1623], ["barely", 1637], ["caress", 1650], ["move", 1656], ["moved", 1656], ["beautiful", 1693], ["beautifulest", 1693], ["whisper", 1712], ["whispered", 1712], ["voice", 1723], ["fill", 1730], ["fills", 1730], ["filled", 1730], ["awe", 1739], ["awed", 1739], ["think", 1751], ["thinkest", 1751], ["thought", 1751], ["pair", 1770], ["pairs", 1770], ["three", 1795], ["six", 1810], ["wing", 1816], ["wings", 1816], ["nod", 1839], ["throat", 1852], ["tight", 1862], ["speak", 1871], ["spoken", 1871], ["grow", 1888], ["growest", 1888], ["grew", 1888], ["bold", 1895], ["stroke", 1909], ["stroked", 1909], ["along", 1915], ["curve", 1931], ["curved", 1931], ["stretch", 1954], ["stretched", 1954], ["slightly", 1963], ["bliss", 1972], ["sensitive", 1996], ["deflect", 2016], ["deflected", 2016], ["bullet", 2024], ["bullets", 2024], ["nothing", 2050], ["manmade", 2058], ["wind", 2068], ["wound", 2068], ["wounding", 2068], ["seraph", 2077], ["seraphs", 2077], ["step", 2103], ["stepped", 2103], ["forward", 2111], ["forwardest", 2111], ["forwarding", 2111], ["splay", 2128], ["splayed", 2128], ["splaying", 2128], ["run", 2152], ["running", 2152], ["lightly", 2165], ["watch", 2197], ["watching", 2197], ["action", 2211], ["amazing", 2223], ["know", 2236], ["knowest", 2236], ["knew", 2236], ["low", 2249], ["lowed", 2249], ["pitch", 2255], ["memory", 2284], ["memories", 2284], ["linger", 2318], ["lingered", 2318], ["lingering", 2318], ["effect", 2325], ["perhaps", 2335], ["maybe", 2372], ["warrior", 2421], ["eager", 2446], ["soak", 2454], ["soaks", 2454], ["heat", 2466], ["heats", 2466], ["heated", 2466], ["attention", 2491], ["admiration", 2506], ["unfurl", 2520], ["unfurls", 2520], ["unfurled", 2520], ["unfurlest", 2520], ["slowly", 2537], ["silent", 2548], ["encouragement", 2562], ["continue", 2582], ["touch", 2591], ["touching", 2591], ["every", 2606], ["angel", 2612], ["see", 2623], ["seen", 2623], ["unique", 2640], ["set", 2644], ["murmur", 2671], ["murmurest", 2671], ["murmured", 2671], ["torture", 2683], ["torturing", 2683], ["gentle", 2703], ["gentler", 2703], ["jason", 2722], ["dark", 2734], ["damien", 2743], ["gray", 2755], ["grays", 2755], ["similarity", 2785], ["similarities", 2785], ["among", 2791], ["like", 2830], ["red", 2855], ["tip", 2867], ["tips", 2867], ["gorgeous", 2880], ["signify", 2898], ["signifying", 2898], 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["sank", 3486], ["skin", 3515], ["wrap", 3536], ["wraps", 3536], ["wrapping", 3536], ["wrapped", 3536], ["rigid", 3565], ["cock", 3584], ["cockest", 3584], ["sound", 3608], ["recognize", 3628], ["recognized", 3628], ["cry", 3637], ["ruthless", 3665], ["press", 3678], ["pressed", 3678], ["advantage", 3692], ["advantaging", 3692], ["strip", 3704], ["stripping", 3704], ["pant", 3714], ["pants", 3714], ["terse", 3741], ["press", 3762], ["pressing", 3762], ["palm", 3771], ["palms", 3771], ["palmed", 3771], ["palmest", 3771], ["bare", 3788], ["flesh", 3794], ["fleshest", 3794], ["breathless", 3829], ["stillness", 3839], ["wait", 3851], ["waitest", 3851], ["waited", 3851], ["jerk", 3867], ["jerks", 3867], ["jerked", 3867], ["away", 3872], ["come", 3912], ["came", 3912], ["quiet", 3924], ["shotgun", 3959], ["vampire", 4010], ["send", 4019], ["sent", 4019], ["straw", 4056], ["airport", 4071], ["thing", 4093], ["things", 4093], ["fall", 4162], ["falls", 4162], ["fell", 4162], ["side", 4175], 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no matter how often she told her boss that she was n't a witch and that her friends were n't a coven , starla never believed her . `` what-ever , '' she said , and walked through the shadowy bookstore to the cash register , where she retrieved her phone from the drawerful of junk . one of the few enforced store rules was no cell phones at work . starla said that nothing broke a buying spell like a chirping phone . marah grabbed her phone and walked out of the store . as the door opened , a cat 's screech sounded-the store 's version of a welcome bell . ignoring it , she stepped out into the light . a text notice blipped on her phone . her dad had called four times in the last two hours . marah shoved her phone in her back pocket and started walking . it was a gorgeous september day in downtown portland . sunlight bathed this historic section of the city , made the squatty brick buildings look well kept . she tucked her chin in close . she 'd learned a long time ago not to make eye contact with `` normal '' people when she walked . they dismissed kids like her in a sour glance . there were n't really `` normal '' people anyway . most were like her on the inside , fruit slowly going bad . as she walked toward her apartment , the view degenerated around her . only a few blocks in , the city became uglier , darker . garbage collected in gutters and posters for lost kids were hammered onto wooden poles and taped in dirty windows . in the park across the street , homeless teens slept beneath trees , in faded sleeping bags , their dogs beside them . in this part of town , you could n't go five feet without a homeless kid begging you for money . not that they asked her . `` hey , marah , '' some kid in all black said . he was sitting in a doorway , smoking a cigarette , feeding mandm 's to a scrawny doberman . she went a few more blocks and paused , glancing left to right . she stepped up the concrete riser and went into the light of god mission . the quiet was unnerving , given the number of people in the place . marah kept her gaze down , moved through the maze of check-in , and went into the main space . homeless people sat together on long benches , their arms coiled protectively around the yellow plastic food trays in front of them . there were rows and rows of people seated at formica tables , dressed in layers , even on this nice day . knit caps , most sporting holes , covered dirty hair . there were more young people in here than usual . must be the economy . marah felt sorry for them . at twenty , she already knew about carrying everything you owned into a gas station bathroom because , even as little as it was , it was all you had . she got into the slow-moving line , listening idly to the shuffle of feet around her . the breakfast they served her was a watery oatmeal , with a piece of dry toast . as tasteless as it was , it filled her up and she was grateful for it . her roommates hated it when she came here . paxton called it takin ' from the man-but she was hungry . sometimes you had to choose between food and rent ; especially lately . she took her empty bowl and spoon to the window , where she set it in the gray rubber bin that was already overflowing with dirty bowls and spoons-no knives-and cups . she hurried out of the mission and turned onto the street . climbing the hill slowly , she went to the sagging old brick building with the cracked windows and lopsided stoop . dirty sheets hung as drapes in several of the windows . marah picked her way around an overflowing garbage can and past a motley-looking cat . inside , it took her eyes a moment to adjust to the gloom . the bulb in the hallway 's light fixture had gone out two months ago and no one had the money to replace it . the so-called super could n't care less . she climbed four flights of stairs . on the front door of the apartment , half of an eviction notice hung from a rusty nail . she ripped the rest of it away and tossed it to the floor , and then opened the door . the small studio apartment , with its sloping , water-damaged floors and putty-colored walls , was thick with smoke and smelled of marijuana and clove cigarettes . her roommates sat in mismatched chairs and on the floor , most of them sprawled comfortably . leif was strumming his guitar in a half-assed , high kind of way , and dreadlocked sabrina was smoking dope from a bong . the boy who called himself mouse was asleep on a mound of sleeping bags . paxton sat in the la-z-boy chair she 'd rescued from the trash near her work . as usual , he was dressed all in black-skinny jeans , unlaced antique-looking boots , and a ripped nine inch nails t-shirt .

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["keep", 915], ["keepest", 915], ["kept", 915], ["tuck", 928], ["tucked", 928], ["tucking", 928], ["chin", 937], ["close", 946], ["learn", 963], ["learnt", 963], ["learns", 963], ["learned", 963], ["long", 970], ["longs", 970], ["time", 975], ["ago", 979], ["eye", 995], ["eyed", 995], ["contact", 1003], ["normal", 1018], ["people", 1028], ["dismiss", 1061], ["dismisses", 1061], ["dismissest", 1061], ["dismissing", 1061], ["dismissed", 1061], ["kid", 1066], ["kids", 1066], ["sour", 1085], ["soured", 1085], ["souring", 1085], ["glance", 1092], ["really", 1116], ["anyway", 1143], ["inside", 1178], ["fruit", 1186], ["slowly", 1193], ["go", 1199], ["goest", 1199], ["going", 1199], ["bad", 1203], ["toward", 1226], ["apartment", 1240], ["view", 1251], ["viewest", 1251], ["degenerate", 1263], ["degeneratest", 1263], ["degenerated", 1263], ["around", 1270], ["block", 1294], ["blocks", 1294], ["become", 1315], ["became", 1315], ["garbage", 1341], ["garbaged", 1341], ["collect", 1351], ["collected", 1351], ["gutter", 1362], ["guttering", 1362], ["gutters", 1362], ["poster", 1374], ["posters", 1374], ["lost", 1383], ["hammer", 1402], ["hammered", 1402], ["onto", 1407], ["ontos", 1407], ["wooden", 1414], ["pole", 1420], ["poles", 1420], ["tape", 1430], ["taped", 1430], ["dirty", 1439], ["window", 1447], ["windows", 1447], ["park", 1461], ["parks", 1461], ["across", 1468], ["street", 1479], ["homeless", 1490], ["teen", 1496], ["teens", 1496], ["slept", 1502], ["sleep", 1502], ["sleeps", 1502], ["sleepest", 1502], ["beneath", 1510], ["tree", 1516], ["treed", 1516], ["treeing", 1516], ["trees", 1516], ["fade", 1527], ["faded", 1527], ["bag", 1541], ["bagged", 1541], ["bagging", 1541], ["bags", 1541], ["dog", 1554], ["dogs", 1554], ["beside", 1561], ["part", 1581], ["parting", 1581], ["town", 1589], ["go", 1608], ["goest", 1608], ["five", 1613], ["fived", 1613], ["foot", 1618], ["feet", 1618], ["without", 1626], ["kid", 1641], ["beg", 1649], ["begging", 1649], ["money", 1663], ["moneys", 1663], ["ask", 1685], ["asked", 1685], ["hey", 1698], ["black", 1733], ["sat", 1755], ["sit", 1755], ["sitting", 1755], ["doorway", 1768], ["smoke", 1778], ["cigarette", 1790], ["fed", 1800], ["feed", 1800], ["feeding", 1800], ["scrawny", 1822], ["doberman", 1831], ["go", 1842], ["goest", 1842], ["went", 1842], ["pause", 1871], ["paused", 1871], ["glance", 1882], ["glancing", 1882], ["left", 1887], ["right", 1896], ["rightest", 1896], ["concrete", 1926], ["riser", 1932], ["god", 1963], ["mission", 1971], ["quiet", 1983], ["give", 2005], ["given", 2005], ["number", 2016], ["numbering", 2016], ["place", 2039], ["gaze", 2061], ["gazes", 2061], ["move", 2074], ["moved", 2074], ["maze", 2091], ["mazes", 2091], ["check", 2100], ["main", 2128], ["space", 2134], ["spaced", 2134], ["spacing", 2134], ["sat", 2156], ["sit", 2156], ["together", 2165], ["bench", 2181], ["benched", 2181], ["benches", 2181], ["arm", 2194], ["arms", 2194], ["coil", 2201], ["coiled", 2201], ["protectively", 2214], ["yellow", 2232], ["plastic", 2240], ["food", 2245], ["foods", 2245], ["tray", 2251], ["trays", 2251], ["front", 2260], ["row", 2286], ["rowest", 2286], ["rows", 2286], ["seat", 2312], ["seated", 2312], ["formica", 2323], ["table", 2330], ["tabled", 2330], ["tabling", 2330], ["tables", 2330], ["dress", 2340], ["dressest", 2340], ["dressed", 2340], ["layer", 2350], ["layered", 2350], ["layers", 2350], ["even", 2357], ["evens", 2357], ["nice", 2370], ["knit", 2381], ["knits", 2381], ["knitted", 2381], ["sport", 2402], ["sporting", 2402], ["hole", 2408], ["holes", 2408], ["cover", 2418], ["covered", 2418], ["hair", 2429], ["young", 2453], ["youngest", 2453], ["usual", 2479], ["must", 2486], ["musts", 2486], ["economy", 2501], ["feel", 2514], ["felt", 2514], ["sorry", 2520], ["twenty", 2541], ["already", 2555], ["know", 2560], ["knowest", 2560], ["knew", 2560], ["carry", 2575], ["carrying", 2575], ["everything", 2586], ["gas", 2607], ["gassing", 2607], ["station", 2615], ["bathroom", 2624], ["little", 2649], ["get", 2690], ["got", 2690], ["slow", 2704], ["move", 2711], ["moving", 2711], ["line", 2716], ["listen", 2728], ["listens", 2728], ["listening", 2728], ["idly", 2733], ["shuffle", 2748], ["shuffling", 2748], ["breakfast", 2783], ["serve", 2795], ["served", 2795], ["watery", 2812], ["oatmeal", 2820], ["piece", 2835], ["pieced", 2835], ["dry", 2842], ["drier", 2842], ["drying", 2842], ["toast", 2848], ["tasteless", 2863], ["fill", 2885], ["fills", 2885], ["filled", 2885], ["grateful", 2913], ["roommate", 2936], ["roommates", 2936], ["hate", 2942], ["hateed", 2942], ["hated", 2942], ["come", 2959], ["came", 2959], ["paxton", 2973], ["takin", 2989], ["man", 3004], ["mans", 3004], ["manned", 3004], ["hungry", 3023], ["choose", 3053], ["rent", 3075], ["especially", 3088], ["lately", 3095], ["take", 3106], ["took", 3106], ["empty", 3116], ["bowl", 3121], ["bowling", 3121], ["spoon", 3131], ["window", 3145], ["windows", 3145], ["set", 3161], ["gray", 3176], ["grays", 3176], ["rubber", 3183], ["bin", 3187], ["bins", 3187], ["overflow", 3216], ["overflowest", 3216], ["overflowing", 3216], ["bowl", 3233], ["bowling", 3233], ["bowls", 3233], ["spoon", 3244], ["spoons", 3244], ["knife", 3254], ["knifes", 3254], ["knives", 3254], ["cup", 3263], ["cups", 3263], ["hurry", 3277], ["hurried", 3277], ["hurryed", 3277], ["hurrying", 3277], ["turn", 3307], ["turned", 3307], ["climb", 3334], ["climbing", 3334], ["hill", 3343], ["sag", 3376], ["sagging", 3376], ["old", 3380], ["build", 3395], ["building", 3395], ["crack", 3412], ["cracked", 3412], ["stoop", 3439], ["sheet", 3454], ["sheets", 3454], ["hung", 3459], ["hang", 3459], ["hangs", 3459], ["drape", 3469], ["drapes", 3469], ["several", 3480], ["pick", 3510], ["picked", 3510], ["way", 3518], ["ways", 3518], ["past", 3561], ["motley", 3570], ["look", 3578], ["looking", 3578], ["eye", 3610], ["eyed", 3610], ["eyes", 3610], ["moment", 3619], ["adjust", 3629], ["gloom", 3642], ["bulb", 3653], ["hallway", 3668], ["hallways", 3668], ["fixture", 3685], ["go", 3694], ["goest", 3694], ["gone", 3694], ["month", 3709], ["months", 3709], ["replace", 3749], ["super", 3774], ["care", 3789], ["less", 3794], ["climb", 3808], ["climbed", 3808], ["flight", 3821], ["flights", 3821], ["stair", 3831], ["stairs", 3831], ["half", 3875], ["eviction", 3890], ["rusty", 3915], ["nail", 3920], ["rip", 3933], ["ripped", 3933], ["rest", 3942], ["away", 3953], ["toss", 3964], ["tossed", 3964], ["floor", 3980], ["small", 4019], ["studio", 4026], ["water", 4063], ["damage", 4071], ["damaging", 4071], ["damaged", 4071], ["floor", 4078], ["floors", 4078], ["putty", 4088], ["puttied", 4088], ["puttying", 4088], ["color", 4096], ["colored", 4096], ["wall", 4102], ["walls", 4102], ["thick", 4114], ["thickest", 4114], ["smoke", 4125], ["smell", 4137], ["smelt", 4137], ["smellest", 4137], ["smelled", 4137], ["marijuana", 4150], ["clove", 4160], ["cigarette", 4171], ["cigarettes", 4171], ["chair", 4212], ["chairing", 4212], ["chairs", 4212], ["sprawl", 4253], ["sprawls", 4253], ["sprawled", 4253], ["comfortably", 4265], ["strum", 4286], ["guitar", 4297], ["high", 4320], ["kind", 4325], ["dreadlocked", 4350], ["dreadlocking", 4350], ["sabrina", 4358], ["dope", 4375], ["bong", 4387], ["boy", 4397], ["mice", 4422], ["mouse", 4422], ["asleep", 4433], ["mound", 4444], ["la", 4484], ["z", 4486], ["zest", 4486], ["chair", 4496], ["chairing", 4496], ["rescue", 4511], ["rescued", 4511], ["trash", 4526], ["trashes", 4526], ["near", 4531], ["skinny", 4588], ["jean", 4594], ["jeans", 4594], ["unlace", 4604], ["unlaced", 4604], ["antique", 4612], ["boot", 4626], ["boots", 4626], ["nine", 4646], ["inch", 4651], ["shirt", 4665]]

someone was sneaking toward the balcony , sticking carefully to the shadows . but it was n't lady ainsley , he wassure.there were no bell-shaped skirts hampering the figure . quickly , daniel turnedhis head slightly away so that whoever it was would not know they had been spotted . instead , he watched from the cornerof his eye.thefigure drew nearer , then hesitated . suddenly , straightening abruptly , it started forward at a fastclip thatsent itsailing by intotheballroom almosttoo fast for danielto recognize the man . `` who wasthat ? `` beecham asked , turningsuddenly . hemust have caughta glimpse , however , for with some shock he said , `` that was lady ainsley 's uncle . '' excusing himself , beecham wentoff after the manatonce . daniel watchedhimgo , then turned topeer backdown atthe gardens . moving to the steps , he walked down them , then paused to glance aroundbefore setting off towhere he had first noticed the man , attheedge of the gardens . finding almost at once a rough sortof sidepath that had been trounced into the trees and bushes on theedge of the garden , he did not hesitate , but began to follow it . after several steps , he heardamuffledcursefrom ahead and picked up hispace . the path ended quite suddenly , andthurborne stepped out of the bushes to find himself confrontingthe backend ofaskirt - lady ainsley 's - as the woman hungfromthewall andscrambled toclimb it . daniel blinked as the woman before him swore again , then briefly settled on the ground.she launched herself upwardonce more almost immediately , pulling with herarms and scrabblingat the wall with her feet . `` might i be of some service ? `` he asked with amusement , chuckling when she released the wall abruptly , stumbled a step back , then tripped over her own skirt and plopped onto her behindin thedirt . thecurseshe snapped thenwas nothing any lady he knew would have everuttered - and certainly notwith such believable vehemence . moving around in front of her , he reached out , offering assistance.lady ainsley hesitated briefly , then slappedher wrist into his hand , her own fingers closingaround hiswrist likea vise . before daniel could recover from his surprise at both the masculine actionand the strength inher fingers , she was pulling , and he had to brace himselfto preventbeingtuggedover on top of her . gathering himself quickly , he pulled even as she did , bringing herto her feet before him . `` attemptingto avoidleaving via the ballroom , i takeit , `` he asked , watching with interestas shebusiedherselfin brushing off herhands onher once pristine skirts . sighing , the girl gave uptrying to remove the dirt on herhands , thenused them topush the dampmaneofhair off herface . she propped them on her hipsassheconsidered him . `` it seemed an easier alternative . '' `` aye , `` daniel agreed . `` if one can scalethisvast wall . '' hereyes flashed . `` do notmakefunofme . icould climbthis damn thingifi just had mybreeches on and not these horrid skirts . '' `` ah , but then you might bemistakenfor a man , `` he teased . when she merely glared at him , heturned to consider thewall , thenturned back . `` whydid yourunclenot helpyouupthe wall ere leaving to '' - hearched aneyebrow questioningly - `` fetchthe carriage ? `` `` he did , `` she snapped . at his doubtfulexpression , she rolled hereyes . `` well , do you think he expectedme tomanage it onmy own with all these bothersome skirts ? `` `` then why , pray tell , are you down here instead of up there ? `` henoddedtowardthe topof the walland watchedwithsome interestas sheground her teethtogether . `` iwas up therewhen he left . '' `` then howdidyou get downhere ? `` `` how doyou think ? `` she askedscornfully . `` ijumped down . '' `` what isthis ? an inquisition ? `` when he merely archedhiseyebrows atherandleanedback against the wall , she sighed impatiently and returned to her task . grasping the top of the wall she leaped and strained to pull herselfupward . he watched in fascination forseveral moments , waiting for her to beg his assistance as most women would , before herealized quite suddenly that shewould not doit . `` allyou needdo is ask , `` he said atlast.she turned , asmall struggleon her face.asking obviouslywas n't easy for her , he realized withsome wonder.amazing .

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["propped", 2730], ["seem", 2781], ["seeming", 2781], ["seemed", 2781], ["easy", 2791], ["easier", 2791], ["alternative", 2803], ["aye", 2815], ["ayes", 2815], ["agree", 2834], ["agreed", 2834], ["flash", 2890], ["flashed", 2890], ["damn", 2937], ["damned", 2937], ["horrid", 2990], ["ah", 3008], ["tease", 3064], ["teased", 3064], ["merely", 3082], ["glare", 3089], ["glared", 3089], ["consider", 3119], ["ere", 3192], ["left", 3200], ["leave", 3200], ["leaving", 3200], ["questioningly", 3241], ["carriage", 3264], ["roll", 3337], ["rolled", 3337], ["well", 3355], ["wells", 3355], ["think", 3370], ["thinkest", 3370], ["bothersome", 3431], ["pray", 3462], ["prays", 3462], ["tell", 3467], ["left", 3634], ["leave", 3634], ["get", 3661], ["inquisition", 3774], ["sigh", 3861], ["sighest", 3861], ["sighed", 3861], ["impatiently", 3873], ["return", 3886], ["returnest", 3886], ["returned", 3886], ["task", 3898], ["tasking", 3898], ["taskest", 3898], ["grasp", 3909], ["grasped", 3909], ["grasping", 3909], ["leap", 3940], ["leaps", 3940], ["leaping", 3940], ["leaped", 3940], ["strain", 3953], ["strains", 3953], ["strained", 3953], ["pull", 3961], ["fascination", 4003], ["moment", 4022], ["moments", 4022], ["wait", 4032], ["waitest", 4032], ["waiting", 4032], ["beg", 4047], ["assistance", 4062], ["woman", 4076], ["womans", 4076], ["women", 4076], ["doit", 4140], ["allyou", 4152], ["ask", 4166], ["easy", 4255], ["realize", 4277], ["realized", 4277]]

he stared off into the distance as if he was late for an appointment , and then flared his wings to take off . cassie leaped towards him . tell me what im supposed to do ? the angel glanced around . youre supposed to go into the light so she can recycle your consciousness into a new body . i thought i was supposed to go to heaven ? the angel snorted as though he found that comment amusing . heaven doesnt exist , kid . theres just this life , then a brief layover in the place between , and then its onto the next life to make the same stinking mistakes you made in this lifetime all over again until you figure out what you keep doing wrong . you mean theres no god ? the angel laughed . theres lots of gods , kid . none of them with enough time to hand-hold a kid who just deliberately crashed her car into a tree . you were watching me ! there aint no such thing , kid . the angel flexed his muscles and stared at his hand as though he was bored . truth be told , the angel was way hotter than mauricio . a naughty thought flitted into her mind . maybe forget it , kid , the angel looked at her with disgust . even if i wasnt , oh , a few thousand years older than you , the last thing id do is fall for a kid who doesnt even have her head screwed on straight . oh , great , and he could read her mind . i thought angels were supposed to comfort the living ? the angel laughed ; an obnoxious , raucous sound . `` you 're dead , kid . are you a fallen angel ? the angel laughed even harder . it reminded her a bit of the way the football jocks laughed when they played a prank on somebody and laughed at them as a team . listen , kid , the angel said . i aint here to save you . i aint no fallen angel . and even if you werent dead , this aint no stinking paranormal romance where a hot angel falls from the sky to rescue you from your oh-so-boring , tedious mortal life . you got dead because you drove your car into a tree . '' so just go into the light like a good little girl so i can move on with my already shitty day . the light youre supposed to see when youre dead , '' the angel said . `` you 're supposed to follow it back to the recycle bin so she-who-is can get you all cleaned up and assign you a new body to start the process all over again . yeah , the angel said . life is like high school . you flunk out , she-who-is makes you keep repeating the same grade over and over again until you learn your lessons and graduate . graduate into what ? i aint human , so i dont have the same problems that you do . cassie knew she wasnt supposed to get angry , being dead at all , but she was , dammit ! who the heck did this guy , angel , whatever he was think he was ? gods gift to did anyone ever tell you youre a flaming butthole ? cassie screamed at him . the angel laughed at her . youre a bold one for a dead girl . its a simple question , cassie snapped . jeremiel , the angel gave a mock-bow the way a courtier might within a queens court . im not a maam , cassie said . im just cassie . pleased to meet you , cassie , jeremiel said . he pretended to look at his watch even though he clearly wasnt wearing one beneath his spiked wrist gauntlets . so , if you dont mind , cassie , im kinda busy tonight . so just trot into the light like a good little girl so i can get on with my evening . i keep saying i dont see no light , cassie said . and that awful howling noise . jeremiel frowned . you say you hear a howling noise ? jeremiel asked . yeah , cassie said . it keeps getting louder by the minute . thats not good , jeremiel said . his earlier mocking grin disappeared . a ripple of fear fluttered through cassies stomach . `` it means the nothing is coming to take you , '' jeremiel said . `` the nothing ? '' `` yeah , '' jeremiel said . as in , in the beginning there was the nothing , then some crazy mother goddess blew the singularity all to smithereens and the next thing you know you got two deities playing chess with mortal 's lives . '' `` that ai n't how they teach it in the bible , '' cassie said . `` so now you 're an expert in the bible ? '' `` i did n't say i was no expert in the bible . '' `` good , '' jeremiel said . `` cause half of it is wrong , and the other half 's been translated so many times that nobody knows what the heck it refers to anymore . ''

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he twisted , too , and with the momentum of his weight they fell together on the bed . he was sprawled over her upper body , his thigh across her legs , holding her down . her chest was heaving , her shoulders jerking upward in an effort to escape . `` charlotte , for heaven 's sake , i was n't laughing at you , '' he said again . she gritted her teeth , refusing to answer him . `` stop struggling , before you destroy any chance of my fathering our future child . '' she went still , although the fight had n't completely left her . `` now let me explain . '' there were too many years of agony inside her , too many insecurities to be soothed away with a few simple words . then if you still want me to release you i will . you owe me this much . she twisted her head away from him , still refusing to answer . i realized when we first started seeing each other that you 'd been badly hurt by your ex-husband . i did n't understand the extent of it until now , but in some ways i think not knowing was for the best . it would have intimidated me in the beginning . '' a sob tore through her throat . `` the first time we kissed ... i wish i knew how to explain it , but i knew you were different . that moment was different than any i 'd ever known before . kissing you was so good . '' charlotte did n't respond , but she knew he was right . their kisses had been good . `` it got even better , did n't it ? '' she nodded , although only slightly . `` you 're not frigid , or whatever term the psychologists prefer now . what you are , my love , is afraid , and for a very legitimate reason . you 've been sexually abused . '' `` i 'm sexually ... damaged . in time you 'll heal . we 'll heal together . '' he said it with such conviction , as though they faced only a small problem , when to her it was bigger than both of them . bigger than even their love . `` but it is n't you who ... ca n't make love , '' she sobbed . you 're not the one who has to heal ... and i do n't know if i can . '' `` we 're in this together , charlotte . `` there is n't any reason you should- '' `` we ca n't heal , '' he interrupted , `` unless we try . we ca n't sweep this under the carpet and ignore it . i 'm not so stupid as to believe that all the pain and all the memories will go away simply because we make love and it 's as good as our kisses have been . '' `` i ... do n't know if i 'll ever be able to forget . '' jason rolled away from her , freeing her arms and legs . he stood and raked his hand through his hair . `` the decision is yours , and i 'll abide by whatever you want . i 'm not going to force you to be my wife . i 've made some mistakes in this relationship and just now was one of them . i 'm sure i 'll make more . she sat up and wiped the tears from her burning cheeks , her hands trembling . jason had moved away from her and was staring out the window . `` like i said , the decision is yours . if you want me to file for an annulment , then i will . i 'll make the arrangements to get us off this island as quickly as possible . as soon as i can , i 'll take care of all the legalities . in a few days there wo n't be anything to bind us together-if that 's what you want . '' her heart filled with mourning . `` but there 's something you should understand , charlotte . if you decide you want to give this marriage a try , there 'll be no turning back . '' she did understand , and the thought filled her with panic . `` i 'm willing to devote myself to you and the marriage , but i 'll need the same kind of commitment from you . in other words , you 're going to have to want to heal . it may mean counseling for you , for us both . we both have to be willing to do whatever it takes . '' `` i do n't know if i could ... ever tell anyone else about my marriage to tom . '' `` that 's your decision , too . if you want to stay my wife , you have to realize that the time will come when we will make love-but only when you 're ready . and when we do , it 'll be good , charlotte ... i promise you that . '' it was probably a stupid question , but one she needed to know . she might be able to bear it if jason wanted to make love occasionally . she might be able to overcome the terror if he was n't too demanding . `` i ca n't answer that because i do n't know . ''

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even if your older brother agreed , would that be possible ? surely the land is entailed ? no , not this parcel . trust rhys to research all this quite thoroughly . and lord rhys is hoping to talk your brother into the trade ? i am sorry to sound cynical , my lord , but he is an incredible optimist to think any man would give up good productive land for useless , even in the name of science . he is worse than an optimist , he is a dedicated scholar . and right now he is living in a fantasy world . james giving up land is as likely as bonaparte accepting an invite to dine with the king . in my family , the lamberts and the wiltons have been arguing over a piece of property for at least four generations . it is quite unusable land really , good only for hunting , but you would think they would be able to mine gold there if only one family or the other could establish ownership . ah , yes , the property that young wilton had told him about so long ago . have they ever been close to agreement ? it was an innocent question , he insisted to himself . he was only curious to know if christiana realized how nearly her own future was tied to the resolution of this dispute . there is some antique proviso that when a lambert and wilton marry the property will go to the male half of the union . then , when you marry richard , his family will secure the title to the property ? i think that the land is the only reason my father has been so hesitant to agree to our engagement . she spoke with a casual nod , totally unaware that this information amazed him . she knew about the agreement ? so much for young wiltons assumption that her sensibilities would be offended by the knowledge . not only wilton , he , too , had been certain that for christiana lambert romance was of paramount importance in any married relationship . forgive me if i am indelicate , but the pragmatic aspect of this land transaction does not dilute your own conviction that richards attachment to you is purely romantic ? the single word could have been firmer . her second no was much more firm . he is a second son and gains no financial benefit from it , my lord . his attachment to me is of the purest and most noble . he wanted to laugh , but restrained himself , with effort . i can see that you do not believe me . and , in all honesty , i am not as convinced of it as i once was . now that did surprise him , which surely showed that her navet was contagious . if he was as passionately devoted to me as i would like then he never would have left for portugal so soon . he would have come for at least part of the season . then perhaps we could have become engaged and letters between us would have been possible . a young man with a commission is not entirely at his own command . he must respond to his orders . good , morgan , he thought . defend the man . remind yourself that she has interests elsewhere . she sighed and on the next indrawn breath claimed a bit more town bronze . at first i thought i would miss him unbearably , far more than he would miss me . but now i am not so sure . there are days that go by when i neglect to write in the journal that i plan to share with him . i do check the papers daily but there has been little fighting since douro in mid-may . there are whole hours that go by when i do not give his hardships a thought . london is a city built to entertain and distract . he took a step closer , and reached out to raise her chin so he could see her face . there was self-reproach in her eyes and he wondered if he should feel guilty . london can even undermine our most cherished beliefs . he let his hand fall and took a step back . that is something i must remind myself daily . christiana gave the globe one last spin before she turned toward the windows . i now realize that it was an incredible conceit on my part to think that i would be immune from those temptations . was he the temptation ? best not to pursue that at this particular moment . they were alone , the conversation intimate , but the mood was all wrong . he stepped behind the large desk that stood in the middle of the room . so you have given up some innocence and gained some wisdom . i am not so sure , my lord . perhaps self-knowledge is a more realistic phrase ? perhaps it was best that she lost some little bit of her innocence . at seventeen it was charming , a way to retrieve his own youth , but at thirty would it be so appealing ? not that he would be around to see . yes , self-knowledge is a better term . in truth , i have always thought wisdom could only come from pain . and this season has been a hundred different things , but not one of them is painful .

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when the truth is , sharon , probably more than anyone else , is the person who encouraged me to avoid romance , go to college , and find a career instead . '' i think i 'm getting it . but i must admit that i do sometimes have rather a problem with female logic . '' he said it with humor in his voice ; otherwise she might have punched him herself . `` see , bubba asked me to marry him in front of everyone that summer i was watermelon queen . he had a full ride to clemson , and i had a scholarship that i worked hard for at the university of south carolina . he wanted me to give up my scholarship and come to clemson , where i could n't afford to go to school . but he just wanted me to be his wife . he practically expected it , because that 's what sharon did . `` i 'll never understand why sharon gave up her chance to go to college . i 've never asked my brother because it 's too sensitive a subject . but i knew i wanted to go to college . so i told bubba no . `` the first time i said it privately . `` the second time , he forced the issue and asked me in front a big crowd of people . and i got angry and said a few things i 'm not proud of . i 've paid the price . not only because i was ugly to bubba , but because small towns are places where myths are invented on a daily basis . and the myth in this town is that i treated bubba so bad that i broke his heart . he fell apart and ended up flunking out of college , thereby messing up a bright ncaa college football career that was going to land him in the nfl . `` sharon was proud of me for sticking to my guns . she might have been the only one . and i miss her . '' caroline pressed the handkerchief to her cheeks . you did n't need to know all that , did you ? '' hugh reached out and patted her hand . his skin was warm and his hands conveyed a sense of gentle strength . `` darling , small villages can be trying sometimes . people must have their heroes , and when the heroes fall , someone has to be blamed . '' `` what do you know about small towns ? '' `` i 've lived my entire life in woolham , which is about the same size as last chance . and being the lord there , everyone in the village expects me to live up to a standard set by my grandfather . i 'm afraid i 've been a terrible disappointment to them at times , and they 've blamed my aunts for it . '' `` your aunts ? '' `` yes , they raised me after granddad got sick . and my aunts are a bit , well , peculiar . they get blamed for everything i do that is n't exactly like what my grandfather did . it 's not quite fair to them because i 'm the one who 's a failure . '' somewhere close by , a cicada turned on its motor . the sounds of children laughing and country music floated on the summer air . and suddenly it seemed hotter and more humid than it had been a moment before . everything seemed clearer , louder , larger than life . even the texture of her tulle skirt against her legs seemed to affirm that she was alive . she could feel the life in everything around her . `` how are you a failure ? '' `` you seem very successful to me . you went to college . you 've invented a new kind of loom . you 're going to build a factory and employ people . '' he smiled with his eyes . `` well , the jury is still out on the factory , is n't it ? '' `` yes but- '' `` you are so lovely , '' hugh said , halting her arguments . he raised his hand and adjusted the ribbon garland in her hair . his stiff upper lip softened . `` like the queen of the american faeries . you look like you belong right here , among the palmettos and spanish moss . '' caroline closed her eyes and swallowed hard , but neither of those things did anything to stop the shivery feeling overtaking her middle or the prickling of her scalp where hugh touched her hair . he thought she was lovely ? she 'd just shown him the worst parts of rocky rhodes and he 'd taken them all in stride . she opened her eyes , expecting him to have vanished like a magical fantasy lover . but he remained , looking down at her . there was a little smile on his lips now . his hair was all-over curls . he was like some dream come true , only he was better . there were depths to him . so she did n't resist when he cocked his head and moved in . she did n't stop when his not-so-stiff-upper-lip hit hers . his mouth took her to some other world of heat and desire and wonderful sensation . he kissed like he waltzed . closer than the air , but still farther away than she might like . her body sang in reaction .

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i breathe a sigh of relief and slip up next to her , under the nozzle to her left . the hot water is more amazing than it 's ever seemed before . `` holy shit , that lake was cold , '' i mutter as the water cascades over me . feeling returns to my toes in a thousand painful needles . `` fuck , my toes hurt . '' mila moans in agreement next to me and honestly , we just stand under the water for another ten minutes , with our eyes closed and without speaking , just enjoying the warmth . when the door fogs over and i am no longer shivering , i turn to mila . she is naked and wet and gorgeous , but i do n't care at the moment . all i care about is one thing . `` you thought i was going to hit you , '' i say simply . she looks guilty as she turns to me , her skin a healthy pink now . `` no , '' she protests quietly . `` it was just a reflex . `` so you did n't think i was going to hit you ? '' `` because you flinched . '' she drops her head . i suck in a breath at her honesty and am deflated at the same time . reaching out , i tilt her chin up with my fingers . `` i do n't care how mad i am , i will never hit you . i stare her in the eye . she swallows and looks at me and her eyes are so wide and green . `` i do n't know why i would think that . '' and there is something in her eyes that gives me pause . `` did your dad hit your mom ? '' the question hangs between us and she stares at me . and then she nods slowly . i saw it a few times . he slapped her , she slapped him . they had a very passionate relationship . '' `` holy shit , '' i mutter in shock , before i pull her to me . `` mila , even one time is too many . i will never hit you . she nods silently , and i see that she 's crying . and i do n't know if she 's crying about her dad and mom or if she 's crying about our fight on the boat . i drag her more tightly against my chest , dropping my lips to her forehead . she is pressed against me , wet and firm . i slide my hands around her back , cradling her tightly . `` mila , i will never hurt you . she nods and reaches for me and just like that , we are inhaling each other , like we need each other to breathe . her tongue plunges into my mouth and my hands are everywhere on her body , sliding up and down the smooth wetness of her back , and down over her hips . i suck her lip into my mouth , pulling it with my teeth . she whimpers into me and i inhale it , enjoying the sound . desperation hangs heavily around us , a consuming need . i whirl her about , pinning her to the stone shower wall , pressing into her as i plunge into her mouth yet again . i could taste this girl forever and still not have enough . she brings her leg up and hooks it around my hips . my hands slide up her thighs to cup her ass , her amazingly perfect ass , and she wiggles into me , pushing ever closer . my dick is wedged against her and i know she feels it . `` i want you tonight , '' she tells me in my ear . her teeth nip at my earlobe . `` please , pax . '' i groan and pull away , looking at her . `` i thought you wanted to wait ? '' she smiles an endearing and wicked smile . `` fuck that , '' she says . i crush her close again and pillage her mouth , and her lips are so fucking soft against mine . my fingers slip inside of her and she gasps into my mouth , panting softly . she tastes like sunshine . `` you are so fucking beautiful , '' i rasp against her throat as i kiss a trail down to her full breasts . i slip her breast into my mouth , sucking softly . she pulls at me , clutching me , thrashing , her hands scraping down the shower stones . her breath is coming in pants now , i can hear it , jagged and raw . i move to her other breast and suck there ; teasing her , enjoying it . her skin is wet and soft and when she opens her eyes to look at me , her gaze is unfocused and wild . that notion is almost incomprehensible to me . she wants me just as i want her . i groan and bury my face in her neck . her hand is on my dick and it throbs in her hand , hot and heavy . i want her like i 've never wanted anything . i moan and she smiles as she slides her hand up and down the length of me . `` you 're so big , '' she murmurs softly . i am once again the wolf as i hover above her , her back shoved against the tiles . she is innocent and beautiful . and i am ... .not .

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1029], ["tilt", 1042], ["tilting", 1042], ["chin", 1051], ["finger", 1070], ["fingers", 1070], ["mad", 1097], ["mads", 1097], ["never", 1117], ["stare", 1135], ["stared", 1135], ["eye", 1150], ["eyed", 1150], ["swallow", 1165], ["swallows", 1165], ["wide", 1206], ["green", 1216], ["greens", 1216], ["know", 1235], ["knowest", 1235], ["give", 1309], ["gives", 1309], ["pause", 1318], ["dad", 1336], ["mom", 1349], ["moms", 1349], ["question", 1367], ["hung", 1373], ["hang", 1373], ["hangs", 1373], ["stare", 1399], ["stared", 1399], ["stares", 1399], ["nod", 1425], ["nods", 1425], ["slowly", 1432], ["see", 1440], ["saw", 1440], ["time", 1455], ["times", 1455], ["slap", 1468], ["slaps", 1468], ["slapped", 1468], ["passionate", 1519], ["relationship", 1532], ["shock", 1573], ["pull", 1589], ["even", 1616], ["evens", 1616], ["many", 1637], ["silently", 1680], ["see", 1692], ["cry", 1711], ["crying", 1711], ["fight", 1806], ["fightest", 1806], ["boat", 1818], ["boated", 1818], ["drag", 1827], 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3017], ["wait", 3058], ["waitest", 3058], ["smile", 3074], ["smiles", 3074], ["wicked", 3098], ["smile", 3104], ["say", 3133], ["sayest", 3133], ["says", 3133], ["crush", 3143], ["crushest", 3143], ["close", 3153], ["pillage", 3171], ["fuck", 3211], ["fucking", 3211], ["soft", 3216], ["mine", 3229], ["inside", 3254], ["gasp", 3275], ["gasps", 3275], ["pant", 3299], ["panting", 3299], ["softly", 3306], ["taste", 3319], ["tastes", 3319], ["sunshine", 3333], ["beautiful", 3367], ["beautifulest", 3367], ["rasp", 3379], ["rasped", 3379], ["rasping", 3379], ["throat", 3398], ["kiss", 3408], ["kisses", 3408], ["kissest", 3408], ["trail", 3416], ["full", 3433], ["breast", 3441], ["breasted", 3441], ["breasting", 3441], ["breasts", 3441], ["breast", 3461], ["breasted", 3461], ["breasting", 3461], ["suck", 3485], ["sucking", 3485], ["pull", 3504], ["pulls", 3504], ["clutch", 3522], ["clutching", 3522], ["thrash", 3537], ["thrashest", 3537], ["scrape", 3558], ["scraping", 3558], ["stone", 3581], 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he knew his family thought he was unfeeling . he 'd never allowed anyone to see how profoundly affected he was by rachel 's death . the truth was he could n't bring himself to share her memory with anyone . he stood there , hands shoved into his pockets , staring at the place where rachel rested . overhead the sun rose higher , beating relentlessly down on him . but he felt frozen . `` if i could take it all back i would . if i just had one more chance . i 'd never let a day go by that i did n't show you how much i love you . '' the knowledge that he 'd never have another chance crippled him . the fact that he 'd f**ked up the best thing in his life ... he did n't have the words to describe the agony . unable to stand it another minute , he turned away and walked stiffly back to his truck . he blocked out everything but the road in front of him . numbness he could deal with . he walked back into his house , absorbing yet more quiet as he shut the door . the fedex package lay to the side , but he walked by it , his only desire right now to get a shower and rid himself of the smell of stale booze . twenty minutes later , he sat on the edge of the bed and hung his head as he tried to settle his roiling stomach . the shower had helped . but it had n't rid him of the aching head and sick gut . if it had n't meant facing his mom , he 'd have gone over to get some of her soup . she did n't deserve to see him hungover and looking like shit , though . it would upset her and make her and his dad worry more than they did already . he flopped back onto the mattress and closed his eyes . when ethan next cracked his eyes open , the room was dark . he sucked in a breath through his nose and tested the steadiness of his stomach . he did n't immediately suffer the urge to puke , so he counted that as a victory . he glanced over at the window to see that night had fallen . somehow he 'd managed to sleep the entire afternoon . it meant he was that much closer to putting june 16 behind him . his muscles protested when he crawled out of bed . he stretched and rolled his shoulders as he padded into the kitchen . his stomach growled , another thing he took as a positive sign . he threw together a sandwich , poured himself a glass of water and made his way into the living room . not bothering to turn on the light , he sat on the couch and ate in the dark . he briefly considered finishing off the liquor he 'd purchased the day before , but it would mean he 'd start all over tomorrow and eventually his family would get tired of his avoidance and they 'd come for him . he 'd shoved the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth when his gaze found the fedex envelope hanging halfway off the table in the small foyer . he frowned as he remembered the encounter with the delivery guy . setting his glass on the coffee table , he walked over to retrieve the heavy envelope . as he returned to the couch , he ripped at the seal . he reached over to flip on the lamp , then flopped onto the sofa and slid his hand inside the sturdy tyvek envelope . he dragged out a stack of papers in varying sizes and shapes . some were legal-sized documents while others were half pieces of paper . there were charts and stuff that looked like satellite imagery and gps coordinates . had he gotten kgi stuff by mistake ? surely his brothers would n't have made an error like that . no one they knew should even have his address , but this stuff looked official . it looked military . there were photos . several spilled over his lap and onto the couch . when he picked one up , his heart stuttered and all the breath left his chest in a painful rush . it was a photo of a woman , obviously a prisoner in some shithole jungle camp . if ethan had to guess , he 'd place odds on south america or maybe asia . some fuckhole like cambodia . two men flanked the woman in the photo and both carried guns . one had a grip on her arm , and she looked scared out of her mind . that was n't what blazed through his mind like a buzz saw . the woman looked remarkably like rachel . his wife rachel . rachel who was dead . rachel who he 'd just visited in the f**king cemetery . what kind of twisted joke was this ? he rifled through the stack of paperwork looking for something that made sense . maybe some haha note from some sick f**k looking for kicks . when he came across the short handwritten note , he froze . all the blood left his face at the four simple words . your wife is alive . it was a kick right to the balls . rage surged through his veins like bubbling lava .

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["briefly", 2385], ["consider", 2396], ["considered", 2396], ["finish", 2406], ["finishing", 2406], ["liquor", 2421], ["purchase", 2437], ["purchased", 2437], ["mean", 2472], ["meanest", 2472], ["start", 2484], ["tomorrow", 2502], ["tomorrows", 2502], ["eventually", 2517], ["tired", 2544], ["avoidance", 2561], ["come", 2578], ["last", 2610], ["bite", 2615], ["mouth", 2646], ["mouthed", 2646], ["gaze", 2660], ["gazes", 2660], ["find", 2666], ["found", 2666], ["envelope", 2685], ["hung", 2693], ["hang", 2693], ["hangs", 2693], ["hanging", 2693], ["halfway", 2701], ["halfways", 2701], ["table", 2715], ["tabled", 2715], ["tabling", 2715], ["small", 2728], ["foyer", 2734], ["frown", 2747], ["frowns", 2747], ["frowned", 2747], ["remember", 2764], ["rememberest", 2764], ["remembered", 2764], ["encounter", 2778], ["delivery", 2796], ["guy", 2800], ["set", 2810], ["setting", 2810], ["coffee", 2834], ["retrieve", 2869], ["heavy", 2879], ["heavies", 2879], ["heavier", 2879], ["return", 2905], 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4544], ["bubble", 4558], ["bubbling", 4558], ["lava", 4563]]

worrying if royce would get tired of me sooner rather than later . how did a person conquer their deepest fears ? i 'd searched my tigress manual , but all i 'd come up with was that i needed to kill them and feast on their remains . that did n't really answer my question , though . after four hard knocks , royce opened the door . when he spotted me , he smiled that seductive smile of his that drove me wild . he motioned backward with a wave of his hand . i glided past him . i 'd never been here , but i 'd wondered about his place of residence . i drank in the details . the walls of the living room were painted in classic ivory . a white tergal scarf was draped over each of the five windows . at first glance , every piece of furniture appeared to be the same monochrome shade of white . yet at closer inspection , i saw pillows with cream-colored beaded jackets , wraps with eggshell trimming . behind the couch was a long , narrow table of dark wood . a chandelier boasting hundreds of tiny crystal raindrops hung over it . chinese root tables flanked each side of the couch . it was a room that spoke of wealth , not comfort . `` who decorated this place ? '' i asked , not even trying to hide my distaste . nothing about the place fit with royce 's open personality . `` it , uh , lacks warmth . '' `` so does she , for the most part . fixing the place up made her feel wanted , so i let her do it . '' he clasped my hand in his . i 'll show you the rest . '' i eagerly followed as he led me through a generously proportioned kitchen . high marble counters were scrubbed clean . no dishes sat in the sink . no pots or pans were out of place . in fact , the area looked as if it had never seen a meal prepared . next , he showed me the game room . it was nothing like the rest of the apartment . it had a dark , comfy couch , a large-screen television and more stereo equipment than i 'd ever seen in one room . all of those gave it a nice , `` lived in '' feel . he spent most of his time in here , was my guess , and i doubted his mom had decorated it . `` and this , '' he said , `` is my bedroom . '' it , too , suited him , boasting deep blue and gold colors that spoke of warmth and masculinity . the decadent four-poster bed held my attention longest . glossy wood , rumpled sheets . how i would love rolling naked on those egyptian cotton sheets . sandalwood scented the air . just the smell of it turned me on . we strolled back to the living room hand in hand . i loved the feel of my hand in his . where i was soft and small , he was callused and strong . a delicious contrast . was i too eager ? too go-get-it-now-or-i'll-die ? `` you promised to give it to me if i came over . '' he raced away and disappeared into the hall . he soon reappeared holding a medium-sized red box . too large to be a ring . too small to be ... anything else . my hands were shaky as i accepted the box and hesitantly lifted the lid . when i saw what was inside , i gasped . a glass orchid with blue petals sat in the center of pale green foam . it was the most beautiful thing i 'd ever seen , delicate and almost dreamlike . `` i had it made for you . '' the dainty petals glistened from the overhead light , shining like pearls . as i looked at it , my defenses crumbled faster than i could patch them . i gulped past the lump in my throat and forced myself to look up at him . `` i 'll , uh , have the party invitations printed and mailed asap , '' i said , bringing us back to the business at hand . i think i was pretty close to bursting into tears . he drew me into his arms , but i kept the box between us as a shield . his gaze was heavy-lidded and focused on my mouth . `` you 're pale all of a sudden . my heart was inexplicably in my throat . `` i-i have to tell you something . '' something hard and cold flicked in his eyes , followed quickly by determination . he pried the box from my fingers and set it on top of the coffee table . in the next instant , he had me pinned to the wall , his mouth on mine , his tongue taking possession . one touch , one caress and i wanted him with an urgency that never seemed to leave me . my bones began the slow process of liquefaction . unable to stand on my own , i let him hold me up . a shiver rippled over me as his thighs trapped me further . i breathed in his scent , warm and male and all royce .

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in any way at all . '' perhaps during a long walk . or you could write her a letter . '' `` visit her grave ? '' `` whatever you need to do to say good-bye and set aside your guilt . '' `` if you wish me to , of course i will . '' in the space of an hour , she changed his self-loathing to self-awareness and acceptance . she made everything seem right , made every challenge bearable , made the completion of difficult tasks seem possible . he longed to provide the same for her , to be as valuable a partner to her as she was to him . `` will you allow me to help you make peace with pelham ? '' she lowered her cheek to his chest , her hair spilling over his shoulder and arm . `` anger at his memory has strengthened me for so long , '' she said softly . `` strengthened you , pel ? or your barriers ? '' her sigh blew hot across his skin . `` why do you pry at me ? '' `` you said this was enough , but it is n't . i am not inclined to share parts of you with any man-dead or living . '' her breathing stilled until he almost shook her in alarm . then she gasped and clung to him , her legs tightening around his , her hands clutching his shoulders . he embraced her just as fiercely in return . `` you can hurt me , '' she whispered . `` but i will not , '' he vowed , his lips to her hair . `` eventually , you will come to believe that . '' after a time , they drifted into sleep , the deepest slumber gerard had known in many years , because he was no longer trudging through his day waiting for it to end . he had something to look forward to upon waking . `` isabel , '' he said now , leading her a short distance away from the other guests . ways to win her deeper affections sifted through his brain . `` i should like very much to take you to my estate tomorrow . '' she glanced aside at him from beneath her hat , the jaunty angle revealing the curve of her lips and not much more . `` gerard , you may take me anywhere . '' the double entendre was not lost on him . it was a beautiful day , his marriage was on the mend , he had romance on his mind and in his heart . nothing could steal his contentment . he was about to reply , his heart light at pel 's teasing banter ... the crossly voiced intrusion could not have come at a worse time . heaving out a disappointed breath , he turned reluctantly to face his mother . `` you can not continue to avoid the other guests . you must attend this afternoon 's treasure hunt . '' `` and supper this evening . '' `` and the ride scheduled for tomorrow . '' `` my apologies , madam , but i can not oblige you there , '' he said smoothly , finding her overbearing tendencies lacking their usual irritating effect . even his mother could not ruin his day . `` i have the time reserved for lady grayson . '' the dowager snapped . `` scarcely any , no . isabel bit off a laugh and looked away quickly . he somehow managed to keep his face impassive . `` what is so important that you would abandon your hosts again ? '' `` we travel to waverly court tomorrow . '' his mother frowned at him a moment , an expression so common to her countenance that lines permanently etched its passing . `` i should like to go . i 've not been there in many years . '' gerard was silent a moment , remembering suddenly that his parents had spent some time in residence there . `` you are welcome to join us . '' the smile she bestowed on him startled , the transformation of her features was so unnerving . but it disappeared as quickly as it came . `` now come join the rest of the party , grayson , and behave yourself as is appropriate to your station . '' watching his mother walk away , he shook his head . `` i hope you can disregard her gloom . '' `` i can with you at my side , '' isabel replied offhand , as if she were not saying something that completely rocked him to the core . he took a brief moment to catch his bearings , and then allowed his grin to break free . nothing could ruin his day . `` lady hammond would have to pair us together , '' rhys muttered , moving rapidly up the wooded path . `` the thought of hunting treasure with you made me giddy , '' she teased . `` i am dreadfully sorry if you do not feel the same about being with me . '' the side glance he shot at her was so hot , her skin felt burned . i would not call what i feel 'giddy . ' '' the dead leaves along the trail crunched beneath every heavy step of his hessians . dressed in dark green , he was stunningly handsome . once again , she marveled that such a bold , masculine creature would find anything arousing about her , but it was clear the marquess did .

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she gulped down a massive breath into tight lungs and opened her throat to scream . instead , her mouth was covered , increasing her terror . struggling to breathe and desperate to evade the needles that struck her everywhere , she clawed at the unyielding arms that trapped and held her immobile . sucking in air through her nose , she smelled a scent that caused her eyes to fly open ... ... and met darkly determined sapphire blue ones . panicked , she clung to the wet , hard body that held hers so rigidly . she gasped for breath , inhaling aidan 's exhale as he swallowed her cries with the heat of his mouth . suddenly her surroundings became clear-the stone tile of her bathroom , the freezing spray from the showerhead behind her , the fully dressed form pressed so tightly to hers . she ceased her struggles , sagging into him , so relieved to be in safe arms after the horror of only a moment before . he tore his mouth away , breathing harshly , his embrace so tight that no water slipped between them . the feel of his chest was warm , a stark contrast to the river of melted ice water that coursed down her back . `` i-it 's c-cold , '' she complained , circling his powerful upper back with her arms . turning , he took the brunt of the water from her , the tensing of his jaw the only sign of his discomfort . lyssa attempted to step away , to free her arms to adjust the temperature , but he held fast . `` l-let me't-turn up the h-heat . '' it took him a long moment to do as she asked , as if he was reluctant to release her . reaching around him , lyssa turned the knob . the water began to heat , and steam rose around them . then she chanced another look up . a tic in his jaw matched his formidable scowl . `` i told you not to fall asleep , '' he bit out . her arms wrapped her waist in a vain effort to warm up . aidan moved then , his hands catching the hem of her shirt and tugging upward . if he had n't looked so formidable , she might have protested his forwardness . or she might not have ... `` 'tbu scared the crap out of me , '' he muttered , intensely focused on stripping her bare . she moved with him , taking his silent commands , understanding by his forcefulness that he was a man who bore the weight of power and responsibility with unusual finesse . despite how her wet clothes clung to her skin , he had her undressed in no time at all . the absolute certainty that he undressed women often added to her sense of unrest . `` yeah , well , '' she began grumpily , `` i got the crap scared out of me , too , so ... mmpph- '' she grunted as he tugged her into him and crushed her close . her stiffened frame relaxed immediately , and she sank into his strength and the comfort he offered . `` i 'll take care of you , '' he promised gruffly . unlike everyone else in her life who told her what she had to do to make herself feel better-see the doctor , take more meds , eat healthier-aldan took the burden completely from her . she gave it to him gladly . `` i had the worst nightmare , '' she confided . `` there was pounding and banging against metal , grinding and scratching , and this god-awful wailing sound . '' `` you ca n't just drift into sleep . '' he gave her a little shake to emphasize his words . `` you 've got to fall hard and fast into it . '' tilting her head back , she caught the torment in his gaze , amazed to realize he cared about her . more than casually . `` that 's what 's scary . '' she felt safe with him , her fear unable to affect her when he was in her arms . that dependence on something so new was frightening . could she trust something she did n't comprehend ? his lips brushed across hers , firm and delicious , the taste of him lingering , teasing her already heightened senses . her tongue traced the curve of his lower lip , seeking more of it . the quiver of fear in her belly intensified , and then turned into something else . he exhaled harshly and pulled away , resting his forehead against hers , his hair dripping water down her cheek . the mood around them altered , the anxiety she felt turning into a very different kind of desperation . his eyes slid closed , then he began to free the buttons of his shirt . she stepped backward and gaped as a deep , strangely familiar heat spread through her chilled limbs . stacey kept a chippendale 's calendar on the wall at the clinic . not one of the men displayed on those pages could hold a candle to aidan cross . he was solid rippling muscle . every line , curve , and plane flexing with latent power and pure masculine grace . he was more lean than bulk . more sinew than bulging mass .

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`` look , i have an idea . '' she walked over to her desk and laid his briefcase on it . she turned back to him and leaned her h*ps against the desk . `` i can see the evidence in the fit of your jeans . '' you 're no better off . '' her voice was a soft wail . `` i 've tried to put sex out of my mind . it 's like telling yourself not to think about a pink elephant , and then that 's all you can think about . i thought maybe if we ate some food ... '' `` i do n't care a thing about food right now and neither do you . '' his heart thudded heavily in his chest . `` i think we should have sex and get it over with . '' `` you suppose that will work ? '' `` i do n't know , but i can hardly remember my own name , let alone what we 're supposed to be doing instead of hav**g s*x. i need you something fierce . '' `` i guess we could try it . '' turning toward the desk , she hit a button , and all the drapes began to close as she walked toward him . he could barely breathe from wanting her , let alone walk anywhere . his voice sounded like gravel running through a chute as he nudged off his shoes . `` right here on the carpet would suit me fine , lass . '' chapter 11 sniffer update : @ newshound-h. wallace instructed k. stillman , d. macdowell to turn off phones . no sniffs till they 're done . hope it 's soon ! # sniffless clothes flew everywhere . kate could n't get out of hers fast enough , and she noticed that duncan apparently felt the same . `` this is not what you recommend in your book . '' he shoved down his jeans and knit boxers and kicked them aside . `` ask me if i care . damn , my zipper 's stuck . '' he knelt in front of her and grasped the tab on the zipper . hey , it really is stuck . '' he continued to work with it , his breathing ragged . `` how much do you care about these jeans ? '' `` i 'll remind you of that , later . '' grabbing hold of the waistband , he wrenched the zipper forcibly apart , ruining it and ripping the denim . she could n't bring herself to care as he pulled both her jeans and her panties to her ankles , slid his hands up the backs of her thighs , and urged her toward him . his murmured command ruffled her damp curls . she clutched his bare shoulders . no sooner had she freed herself from her clothes than he made contact with his tongue . she moaned softly and trembled in anticipation , knowing full well what he intended . `` this is what i was hungry for . '' sinking lower onto his knees , he tilted his head back slightly , nuzzled his way between her thighs , and began a slow assault on her sanity . closing her eyes , she reveled in the sensuality of a kiss more intimate than any other . soon she was mindless with pleasure . when he slowed the pace and teased her with featherlight swipes of his tongue , she shamelessly begged for what she wanted , what she desperately needed . settling in with his talented mouth and tongue , he gripped her thighs and pushed her closer , and closer still . she began to quiver , and he held her steady , building the tension relentlessly , until at last , with a triumphant cry , she lost all sense of time and place as she tumbled into a raging river of ecstasy . guiding her slowly and tenderly to her knees , he kissed her br**sts , her throat , and finally her lips . the erotic taste of her cli**x flavored their kiss , and the thrum of new passion stirred in her veins . incredibly , she was n't sated . his sweet caress , molding her br**sts with his palms , sliding his hands over her back to cup her bottom , roused her again . she whimpered and arched her body to brush her sensitized n**ples against his chest . his words were rough with passion and his brogue grew thicker . `` you 'll be wanting more pleasure , lass . and i 'll be putting you in charge this time . spread your legs apart . i long to lie beneath you on this fine carpet while you ride me . '' the exotic sound of his voice blended with his explicit request fired her blood in a way she 'd never felt before . a wildness overtook her , and when he slid both legs between hers and lay back on the carpet , his eyes glittering with lust , she vowed to give him a ride he 'd remember . but first , she would tease him as he 'd teased her . his c*ck thrust upward , sleek and hard , ready for her to mount .

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the word , like the image it represented , kept springing into kate 's mind . he slept with me , what ? a few months ago ... ... ca n't be in love with you ... as soon as tully left the apartment , kate called in sick to work and crawled into bed . she had n't been there more than twenty minutes when a knock at the front door startled her out of her thoughts . `` damn it , tully , '' she muttered , pulling on her pink velour robe and slipping into her bunny slippers . `` ca n't you ever remember your key ? '' johnny stood there . he reached forward , untied the belt , and pushed the robe off her shoulders . it fell around her feet in a poufy pink puddle . `` a flannel nightgown . how sexy . '' she tried not to think about her conversation with tully- rebound ca n't love you -but the words chased one another across her mind , tripping every now and then over his : ... do n't want to hurt you . she saw now , suddenly , the danger she 'd accepted so naively . he could shatter her heart and there was no way to protect herself . `` i thought you 'd be happy to see me , '' he said . `` i told tully about us . '' and was there a problem ? '' `` she thinks i 'm a rebound girl . '' kate swallowed hard . he swept her up into his arms , carrying her toward her bedroom as if she weighed nothing at all . once they were in bed , he began unbuttoning her nightgown , planting kisses along the way . `` it does n't matter , '' he whispered against her bare skin . `` she did n't love me . '' she closed her eyes and let him rock her world again , but when it was over and she was curled against him again , the uncertainty returned . she might not be the most experienced girl in the world , but neither was she the most naive , and there was one thing of which she was sure : it mattered whether johnny had loved tully . chapter seventeen falling in love was everything kate had dreamed it would be . by the time spring came again , painting the landscape with vibrant color , she and johnny were an honest-to-god couple ; they spent most of their weekends together and as many weeknights as possible . in march she 'd brought him home to meet the parents and they 'd been ecstatic . a nice irish catholic boy with a great career and a good sense of humor who liked to play board games and cards . dad called him a `` good egg '' and mom declared him to be perfect . `` definitely worth waiting for , '' she 'd whispered at the end of the first meeting . for his part , johnny had fit into the mularkey clan as if he 'd been born into it . he 'd never admitted it , but kate was certain that he liked being part of a family again after so many solitary years . although they did n't talk about the future , they enjoyed every minute of the present . but that was all about to change . now she was in bed , staring up at the ceiling . beside her , johnny lay sleeping . it was just past four o'clock in the morning and already she 'd thrown up twice . there was no point in putting off the inevitable any longer . she peeled the covers back gently , careful not to wake him , and got out of bed . barefoot , she crossed the thick pad of carpet and went into his bathroom , closing the door behind her . opening her purse , she dug through the clutter and withdrew the package she 'd purchased yesterday . then she opened the package and followed the directions . slightly less than two hours later , she had an answer : pink for pregnant . her first ridiculous thought was that for a girl who 'd dreamed of becoming a mother , she was damned close to crying . johnny would n't be happy about this . he was nowhere near ready for fatherhood . he had n't even said he loved her yet . she loved him so much , and everything had been so great for the past few months . still , she could n't shake the feeling that it was fragile , this relationship of theirs , that the balance was tenuous . a baby could ruin them . she hid the package and indicator back in her purse-the extraordinary thing mixed in the ordinary debris of her life-and took a long hot shower . by the time she was dressed and ready for work , the alarm was going off . she went to the bed and sat beside him , stroking his hair as he woke up . he smiled up at her , said , `` hey , '' sleepily . she wanted to say simply , i 'm pregnant , but the admission would n't come . instead , she said , `` i 've got to go in early today . the red robin account . '' he looped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down for a kiss .

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when kevin paid for the groceries , shehanded him the change from the salon and the receipt . he counted the money , making sure everything was there . at home , she rubbed her arms to stay warm . the house was old and frigid air wormed its way through thewindow seams and beneath the front door . the bathroom floor was cold enough to make her feet ache , but kevincomplained about the cost of heating oil and never let her adjust the thermostat . when he was at work , she wore asweatshirt and slippers around the house , but when he was home , he wanted her to look sexy . kevin placed the bags of groceries on the kitchen table . she put her bags beside his as he moved to therefrigerator . opening the freezer , he pulled out a bottle of vodka and a couple of ice cubes . he dropped the cubesinto a glass and poured the vodka . the glass was nearly full by the time he stopped pouring . leaving her alone , he went to the living room and she heard the television come on and the sounds of espn . the announcer wastalking about the patriots and the play-offs and the chances of winning another super bowl . last year , kevin hadgone to a patriots game ; he 'd been a fan since childhood . katie slipped her jacket off and reached into the pocket . she had , she suspected , a couple of minutes and shehoped it was enough . after peeking in the living room , she hurried to the sink . in the cupboard below , there was abox of sos scrubbing pads . she placed the cell phone at the bottom of the box and put the pads over the top of it . she closed the cupboard quietly before grabbing her jacket , hoping her face was n't flushed , praying he hadn'tseen her . with a long breath to steel herself , she looped it over her arm , carrying it through the living room towardthe foyer closet . the room seemed to stretch as she moved through it , like a room viewed through a fun-housemirror at a carnival , but she tried to ignore the sensation . she knew he 'd be able to see through her , to read hermind and know what she 'd done , but he never turned away from the television . only when she was back in thekitchen did her breathing begin to slow . she began to unpack the groceries , still feeling dazed but knowing she had to act normal . kevin liked a tidyhouse , especially the kitchen and bathrooms . she put away the cheese and eggs in their separate compartmentsin the refrigerator . she pulled the old vegetables from the drawer and wiped it down before putting the newvegetables on the bottom . she kept out some green beans and found a dozen red potatoes in a basket on thepantry floor . she left a cucumber on the counter , along with iceberg lettuce and a tomato for a salad . the maincourse was marinated strip steaks . she 'd put the steaks in the marinade the day before : red wine , orange juice , grapefruit juice , salt , and pepper . the acidity of the juices made the meat tender and gave it extra flavor . it was in a casserole dish on the bottomshelf of the refrigerator . she put the rest of the groceries away , rotating the older items to the front , then folded the bags and put themunder the sink . from a drawer , she removed a knife ; the cutting board was beneath the toaster and she set thatnear the burner . she cut the potatoes in half , only enough for the two of them . she oiled a baking pan , turned theoven on , and seasoned the potatoes with parsley , salt , pepper , and garlic . they would go in before the steaks andshe would have to reheat them . the steaks needed to be broiled . kevin liked his salads finely diced , with blue cheese crumbles and croutons and italian dressing . she cut thetomato in half and cut a quarter of the cucumber before wrapping the remainder in plastic wrap and putting itback in the refrigerator . as she opened the door , she noticed kevin in the kitchen behind her , leaning against thedoorjamb that led to the dining room . he took a long drink , finishing his vodka and continuing to watch her , hispresence all-encompassing . he did n't know she 'd left the salon , she reminded herself . he did n't know she 'd bought a cell phone . he wouldhave said something . he would have done something . `` steaks tonight ? '' she closed the refrigerator door and kept moving , trying to appear busy , staying ahead of her fears . `` yes , '' shesaid . `` i just turned on the oven , so it 'll be a few minutes . i 've got to put the potatoes in first . '' kevin stared at her . `` your hair looks good , '' he said . she did a good job . '' katie went back to the cutting board .

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the music began , and they started gliding in circles around the dance floor , keeping time with the other couples . colin 's eyes stayed on belinda 's as the world receded around them and they were swept away by the notes of `` waves of the danube . '' her eyes were more amber than green . they reflected her emotion in a way that she probably would n't be happy about but that was fascinating and useful for a gambler at heart like him . right now , her eyes were telling him that she was affected by their nearness although she was trying hard not to let it show . he could feel her body heat under his hand at the small of her back . her lips were slightly parted and carried a lustrous red shimmer that called to him . the look of her lips just saved him from being entranced by the ruby practically tucked in her bodice . if it was gauche to gaze hungrily at one 's wife , then staring at her cle**age was beyond the pale . `` if you keep regarding me that way , we may go up in flames , '' she said sharply . `` you 're the one wearing red . '' `` yes , it was clever of you to lend me jewels that are magnificent as well as a flashing fire alarm right over my cle**age . '' `` someone needs to put a warning sign on you . '' `` more like a stamp of ownership- '' he inclined his head and did n't deny it-so she had understood his intentions with his gift . `` -as well as a clever excuse for you to stare at my br**sts . '' he looked down just to annoy her . they still had n't broken a step of the dance , and she kept a smile fixed firmly on her face . `` it is a stunning ruby , '' he murmured , `` surrounded as it is by diamonds and the pillow of your creamy br**sts . i was imagining the same when i chose the necklace and the tiara from among the jewelry in the family safe . the earrings , however , i picked out myself this week at garrard . '' she shot him a look of liquid fire that nevertheless said she did n't know how to react . should she be angry with him for his sexual banter , thank him for his gift or give in to the attraction that was undeniable between them ? the dance came to an end at that moment . he reluctantly loosened his hold on her , and stepped back . `` walk with me in the garden . '' `` hawk has a greenhouse . it 's where the head gardener works his magic for the estate grounds . '' `` i hardly think- '' `` we 're supposed to convince people tonight that we 've decided to make a real go of our marriage . '' still , she could not have missed the curious looks they 'd received throughout the day . `` you know you want a breather . it 's become a terrible crush in here . '' particularly for them-a couple who was one of the interesting sideshows of the evening . she contemplated him for a second , and then a look of resignation crossed her face . i 'll make a dignified exit with you . '' they walked through the ballroom and out the french doors to a terrace warmed by heated lamps . from there , it was a short stroll to the greenhouse . they discovered that hawk 's heated sanctuary had drawn other curious guests . they had come to admire some of the estate 's more exotic plants and small blooms . he and belinda wandered along , stopping occasionally for her to appreciate a particular plant species-and for him to pretend to . the greenhouse door opened and closed a couple of times until colin glanced around to discover that he and belinda were alone except for another couple at the other end of the glass building . he could barely hear their voices . `` i believe hawk 's gardener has been experimenting to create hybrid roses , '' belinda remarked . she was looking down at a wood work table strewn with various gardening tools , plants and neatly marked glass jars . max , my gardener , has done the same at halstead hall . '' she cast him a look from under her lashes , as if wondering whether his comment was meant to be a reproach-his house , which was now her own as well , had the same cottage industry in place and she did n't seem to know it-or whether it was yet another meaning-laden invitation to make herself at home in his life . the scent of roses and other blooms hung around them in the warm , humid air . colin would never have thought that a greenhouse would be a sexually stimulating environment , but it was . he let his fingertips trail up belinda 's arm in a light caress , and watched goose bumps appear . she did n't look up at him , but there was a new stillness to her . testing , he stepped closer and cupped her upper arms from behind her . he bent and breathed in the soft air by her temple . `` what does it seem as if i 'm doing ? '' he responded , his voice laced with laughter and seduction .

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the anaesthesiologist is going to prepare you for the epidural now , so youll feel much better soon . madeline held her sides . good because i cant take this torture any longer and im sure my babys suffering . dont stress , mrs , oconnor , said the anaesthesiologist . youll be pain free once youve had your epidural , though youll still feel all the movements . can you turn onto your side for me ? as she rolled over , she glanced up at doctor green . will my baby feel any pain ? your daughter will be fine . have you picked a name for her yet ? yes , were calling her eloise . wonderful , now lets get her delivered , shall we ? he glanced at his colleague . okay , were ready . the anaesthesiologist inspected the equipment , then injected the medicine into madelines spine . this will only hurt for a minute , he said , speaking in a low soothing tone . nathaniel moved closer to the bed . okay , theres no turning back now . ramiel gave him a sympathetic smile . i know how much devlin means to you , nathaniel , and if he hasnt fallen , im sure hell understand . nathaniels brows knitted into an angry scowl . i dont care if he doesnt . he let the child down . this type of delivery is quite dangerous , no matter what the doctor said . devlin shouldve been here hours ago . believe me , ramiel . i have no qualms about taking devlins place , not now . and i will not justify it to him . ramiel nodded . yes , i guess hes forfeited his right to your loyalty , and to guard this child , especially leaving her vulnerable to lucifer . dont worry , ramiel . my senses are on high alert for both of them . look , said ramiel . i think madelines medication is kicking in . shes starting to relax . nathaniel raised a brow . she may be pain free , but she seems quite scared to me . yes , we should pray some more , said ramiel , bowing his head . the anaesthesiologist tapped on madelines back with an instrument . he tapped on her leg . great , were ready to go , said doctor green . just try to relax , mrs oconnor . madeline squeezed her eyes shut , but as the forceps were clamped onto her babys head , the nurse held onto her . as doctor green began tugging the baby towards him , madeline gripped the side of the bed , her face contorted with absolute terror . holding his arms out ready to bless the child , nathaniel prayed for a safe delivery , but when the baby came out , she lay limp in the doctors hands . in a flash , nathaniel swept his fingers over the infants tiny chest , urging her to breath . come on , eloise , you can do it . take a breath , he demanded . as the doctor worked on the tiny newborn , nathaniel shouted even louder . her eyes finally popped open and as she began to wail , her little hands quivering in an obvious protest to her violent entry into the world . while the doctor cut the babys umbilical cord , nathaniel blessed her . hed witnessed bad deliveries before , but this one had him stressed . although the baby was beautiful , one of her eyes was bloodshot and swollen and her head was an odd shape . the deep , red welts down the sides of her temples were obviously caused by the pressure from the forceps . nathaniel looked at ramiel and scowled . when a rush of medics entered the room , ramiel jerked his head towards madeline . shes not doing too well either . i think shes about to faint . once eloise was breathing properly , the nurse cleaned her up and placed her in her mothers arms . heres your little girl . with a look of horror , madeline stared at her baby . its a funny shape and her face is all bruised . doctor green patted madelines hand . dont fret , mrs oconnor . newborn babies have a soft skull so that its easier for them to be born . with forceps deliveries , sometimes the babies face has a bit of swelling and bruising , and in some cases , the babys head can get a little squashed , but theres no need to worry . in a few days , your babys head will be a normal shape again . she didnt look at all convinced , and now nathaniel was starting to worry . as he gazed down at the infant , he realise his new responsibility wasnt going to be easy . not only was he worried about the babys injuries , he was concerned about her genetics . eloise wasnt just a human ; she was a descendant of an angel . would she be different to his other wards ? she certainly didnt look any different . even with her injuries , he could see how beautiful she was .

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there was nothing like a little male appreciation to help a woman focus on her new life . she filed her papers neatly in her briefcase and headed for the door . max stood in front of her , arms crossed , blocking the exit . irritation pulsed from him in waves . `` do n't get involved with the employees , carina . we do n't like to mix business with pleasure . '' i had a nice conversation . he offered to show me around . his disapproving stare set her off . would he ever get over his instinct to protect her like some baby ? `` edward is well known for his womanizing ways , '' he said gently . humor and horror mingled . she settled on sarcasm and flung her hands out . `` oh , thank god you told me ! dating a man who likes to wine and dine women is a horrible fate . at least i know if i go out with him it will only be for a short affair . '' `` i 'm trying to tell you he 's not your type . '' carina glowered . `` you do n't know my type anymore , max , '' she drawled . but thanks for the tip . '' `` i 'm taking a quick break for lunch . '' he grasped her upper arm . heat burned through her jacket and set off her temper . she was sick to death of being coddled by every man in her life . perhaps it was time to prove her own independence in the most basic way possible . her tone turned frosty . `` men are different here . '' he frowned as if about to give her the sex talk . `` they may want certain things the men you dated back home did n't badger you for . '' oh , boy , this could be fun . she scrunched up her face as if confused . `` yes , sex . i do n't want to see you put in an uncomfortable position . '' i 'm glad you pointed that out . so if we go out to dinner they may want to-fool around ? '' actual red stained his cheeks and she smothered a hoot . american men may be used to a woman sleeping with them right away , and may not understand your background . '' carina burned with humiliation , but the payoff would be worth this conversation . `` so i should n't go to dinner ? '' `` not with edward . maybe you can meet some nice men at church on sunday ? they may have one of those singles groups . '' `` oh , that wo n't be necessary , but thank you . now that you 've cleared things up , i know exactly what to do . '' his hold slipped away , and he took a step back . relief carved out his features . i do n't want to see you hurt or misled . '' you see , besides learning the family company , i came to america for one reason . '' `` i came to have an affair . i 'm not looking to get married or settle down , and in bergamo if you sleep with someone you have to get married . you know how restricting that is . is n't that one of the reasons you left to work with michael ? '' i 'll have my own apartment , my own lifestyle , and i can finally engage in some hot , smoking , no-commitment sex . `` i 'm going to take eddie up on his offer to show me around . he 's quite my type . '' carina left him standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open and never looked back . she greeted employees along the way as she walked to the lunchroom and grabbed her turkey on rye . was it so wrong to want to have her own intimate experiences without someone looking over her shoulder ? she 'd had dates at university , but her mama and julietta kept a close eye . when she hit the big drinking parties , she always ran into a friend of a friend who knew her family . the reputation of la dolce famiglia and her big brother 's long reach strangled her all the way to milan and back . deep down , she was a bad girl trapped in a good girl 's body . she got some water from the cooler , unwrapped her sandwich , and brooded in the back corner of the lunchroom . how did max know her type ? he probably thought she was a trembling virgin with no experience , swooning at the thought of a man 's erection . sure , she was still a virgin , but she had had experiences . deep experiences . the only reason she had stayed away from fully consummating a relationship is she had n't found the right man to make her want to get nak*d and get serious . most of them were so polite and gentle , she 'd been afraid she 'd nap through the whole thing . and she certainly was n't throwing away her virginity on a drunken encounter or a fling . she wanted an engaged , adult , sexual affair . her fantasies revolved around a man a little rough to command her body in a variety of delicious ways .

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["way", 1273], ["ways", 1273], ["possible", 1282], ["tone", 1293], ["toned", 1293], ["toning", 1293], ["turn", 1300], ["turned", 1300], ["frosty", 1307], ["man", 1316], ["mans", 1316], ["manned", 1316], ["men", 1316], ["different", 1330], ["frown", 1351], ["frowns", 1351], ["frowned", 1351], ["give", 1371], ["sex", 1383], ["talk", 1388], ["may", 1402], ["mays", 1402], ["mayest", 1402], ["certain", 1415], ["thing", 1422], ["things", 1422], ["date", 1440], ["dated", 1440], ["back", 1445], ["home", 1450], ["homing", 1450], ["badger", 1465], ["boy", 1487], ["fun", 1507], ["scrunch", 1523], ["scrunching", 1523], ["scrunched", 1523], ["face", 1535], ["confuse", 1550], ["confused", 1550], ["confusing", 1550], ["yes", 1559], ["see", 1588], ["put", 1596], ["uncomfortable", 1616], ["position", 1625], ["glad", 1640], ["point", 1652], ["pointed", 1652], ["dinner", 1689], ["fool", 1711], ["foolest", 1711], ["fooling", 1711], ["actual", 1730], ["red", 1734], ["stain", 1742], ["stainest", 1742], ["stained", 1742], ["cheek", 1753], ["cheeks", 1753], ["smother", 1771], ["smothered", 1771], ["hoot", 1778], ["hooting", 1778], ["hootest", 1778], ["american", 1789], ["americans", 1789], ["use", 1805], ["used", 1805], ["slept", 1825], ["sleep", 1825], ["sleeps", 1825], ["sleepest", 1825], ["sleeping", 1825], ["right", 1841], ["rightest", 1841], ["away", 1846], ["understand", 1871], ["understanded", 1871], ["background", 1887], ["backgrounding", 1887], ["humiliation", 1923], ["payoff", 1940], ["worth", 1955], ["maybe", 2039], ["meet", 2052], ["meeted", 2052], ["church", 2076], ["churching", 2076], ["sunday", 2086], ["sundays", 2086], ["single", 2123], ["singles", 2123], ["group", 2130], ["groups", 2130], ["wo", 2151], ["necessary", 2168], ["exactly", 2238], ["hold", 2263], ["slip", 2271], ["slipped", 2271], ["take", 2290], ["took", 2290], ["step", 2297], ["relief", 2311], ["reliefs", 2311], ["carve", 2318], ["carved", 2318], ["feature", 2335], ["features", 2335], ["hurt", 2367], ["hurts", 2367], ["hurting", 2367], ["mislead", 2377], ["misleaded", 2377], ["misleading", 2377], ["misled", 2377], ["besides", 2400], ["learn", 2409], ["learnt", 2409], ["learns", 2409], ["learning", 2409], ["family", 2420], ["company", 2428], ["companys", 2428], ["companying", 2428], ["come", 2437], ["came", 2437], ["america", 2448], ["americas", 2448], ["reason", 2463], ["reasonest", 2463], ["look", 2515], ["looking", 2515], ["marry", 2530], ["married", 2530], ["settle", 2540], ["bergamo", 2562], ["slept", 2575], ["sleep", 2575], ["sleeps", 2575], ["sleepest", 2575], ["restrict", 2639], ["restricting", 2639], ["reason", 2680], ["reasonest", 2680], ["reasons", 2680], ["left", 2689], ["leave", 2689], ["work", 2697], ["wrought", 2697], ["michael", 2710], ["apartment", 2743], ["lifestyle", 2762], ["lifestyles", 2762], ["finally", 2782], ["engage", 2789], ["hot", 2801], ["smoking", 2811], ["commitment", 2827], ["go", 2847], ["goest", 2847], ["going", 2847], ["take", 2855], ["eddie", 2861], ["offer", 2877], ["quite", 2909], ["stood", 2947], ["stand", 2947], ["standest", 2947], ["standing", 2947], ["doorway", 2962], ["mouth", 2977], ["mouthed", 2977], ["hung", 2985], ["hang", 2985], ["hangs", 2985], ["hanging", 2985], ["open", 2990], ["never", 3000], ["look", 3007], ["looked", 3007], ["greet", 3026], ["greeting", 3026], ["greeted", 3026], ["along", 3042], ["walk", 3064], ["walked", 3064], ["lunchroom", 3081], ["grab", 3093], ["grabbed", 3093], ["turkey", 3104], ["rye", 3111], ["ryes", 3111], ["wrong", 3129], ["intimate", 3162], ["experience", 3174], ["experienced", 3174], ["experiences", 3174], ["without", 3182], ["shoulder", 3216], ["shouldered", 3216], ["date", 3235], ["dates", 3235], ["university", 3249], ["mama", 3264], ["mamas", 3264], ["keep", 3282], ["keepest", 3282], ["kept", 3282], ["close", 3290], ["eye", 3294], ["eyed", 3294], ["hit", 3309], ["big", 3317], ["bigs", 3317], ["party", 3334], ["parties", 3334], ["always", 3347], ["run", 3351], ["ran", 3351], ["friend", 3365], ["know", 3386], ["knowest", 3386], ["knew", 3386], ["reputation", 3414], ["la", 3420], ["dolce", 3426], ["brother", 3455], ["brethren", 3455], ["long", 3463], ["longs", 3463], ["reach", 3469], ["strangle", 3479], ["strangles", 3479], ["strangled", 3479], ["milan", 3504], ["deep", 3520], ["deeply", 3520], ["bad", 3541], ["girl", 3546], ["trap", 3554], ["trapped", 3554], ["good", 3564], ["body", 3577], ["bodied", 3577], ["get", 3587], ["got", 3587], ["water", 3598], ["cooler", 3614], ["unwrap", 3626], ["unwraps", 3626], ["sandwich", 3639], ["sandwiches", 3639], ["brood", 3653], ["broods", 3653], ["brooded", 3653], ["corner", 3672], ["probably", 3731], ["think", 3739], ["thought", 3739], ["thinkest", 3739], ["tremble", 3759], ["trembles", 3759], ["virgin", 3766], ["experience", 3785], ["experienced", 3785], ["swoon", 3796], ["swooning", 3796], ["erection", 3832], ["sure", 3839], ["still", 3855], ["stay", 3946], ["stayed", 3946], ["fully", 3962], ["consummate", 3975], ["consummating", 3975], ["relationship", 3990], ["find", 4011], ["found", 4011], ["serious", 4071], ["polite", 4101], ["gentle", 4112], ["gentler", 4112], ["afraid", 4133], ["nap", 4144], ["naps", 4144], ["napped", 4144], ["whole", 4162], ["wholes", 4162], ["thing", 4168], ["certainly", 4188], ["throw", 4205], ["throwing", 4205], ["virginity", 4224], ["drunken", 4237], ["encounter", 4247], ["fling", 4258], ["flung", 4258], ["adult", 4290], ["sexual", 4299], ["fantasy", 4322], ["fantasies", 4322], ["revolve", 4331], ["revolved", 4331], ["rough", 4359], ["roughs", 4359], ["roughest", 4359], ["roughing", 4359], ["command", 4370], ["variety", 4392], ["delicious", 4405]]

go wrap some ice in a washcloth and bring it back to me , i ordered hendrix who loomed over me like a predator getting ready to pounce on his prey . he turned around without another word and stalked off to the kitchen . i wish we could give her a cool bath , reagan sighed . she sunk down to her knees and picked up pages hand in her own . when page whipped over again , we had the bucket ready this time- although not much came out . her stomach convulsed painfully , and tears streamed from her eyes , but still her body did not give up the effort to empty itself . there were many terrible things about her puking , but the noise level was definitely on the top of the list . but it wasnt like you could exactly tell someone to vomit quietly . and she wasnt really in a state of mind where she would be able to listen anyway . the rest of the brothers stumbled to the living room , clicking magazines into place and shoving their feet into pants and shoes . they were prepared to go to war , prepared to do whatever it took to save their little sister . by the third round of vomiting , every parker brother was armed with as many weapons as we had and standing guard at a window or door . reagan and i played nurse over pages exhausted , fever-stricken body and prayed for the best . currently , her head was resting in my lap and her feet were sprawled across reagan . she was sleeping- for now- and i was counting down the minutes until morning . zombies were still perfectly capable of attacking us with the light of day , but somehow the daylight made things feel possible . i held onto the hope that if page could make it through the night , things would get easier . a scuffling of feet and a door opening and closing had me sitting at full alert . i was careful with pages lolling head , but i was desperate to know what was going on . i heard hendrix whisper shout , nelson ! and my entire body felt doused in ice water . fear like i had never known before prickled painfully against my skin and my heartbeat kicked into overdrive . reagan reached out and took my hand , squeezing it in hers tightly . the door opened again and i heard vaughan and hendrix take off after their idiot brother . i couldnt believe i was falling for someone that ran out into the middle of the night probably on a suicide mission ! i was stupid to give my heart away when it could so easily be destroyed , right along with nelson . i waited , stressed and unmoving , for nelson to return or something to give away what was happening outside- a shout , a gunshot , the unholy keening of zombies on the attack . but there was nothing but silence and stillness . my stomach was riotous with nerves and my brain ticked completely out of control . i couldnt see anything sitting in the damn dark , so my brain just started going through a list of all the horrible things that could happen to nelson or his brothers at a million miles a minute . i went through about every , single scenario possible- all ending with nelson dying a gruesome , painful death , until i finally settled on the fact that he was going to get bitten by a zombie , but eventually fight his way free . hed walk into the house expecting a heros welcome at which point i was going to have to shoot him . he was infected , i didnt have a choice . and i would never recover from that . not when he was right , not when i was more than halfway to falling in love with him . and he had somehow managed to get me to admit that on the same night he was going to die ! but then the door opened again and the sound of struggling and scuffling filled the house . page moaned in my lap and i forced myself to stay still , to keep her steady and as comfortable as she could be . finally figures stumbled into the living room , three tall ones and one that was not tall . it was hard to make out what the three parker brothers were carrying , but whatever it was did not seem happy . finally , the clicking of a bullet being loaded into the chamber could be heard over everything else and the lumpy , wriggling thing went still- so not a zombie . a flashlight turned on and harrison came in with a camping lantern on low filter . hendrix and vaughan lowered what now could be described as a body to the ground while nelson kept his gun trained expertly on the head region . hendrix flicked up his flashlight to the boys face and reagan and i let out mutual gasps of surprise . let me go , the young boy growled . his hands were shaking fists at his side , his face filthy and covered in dirt and grime . it was impossible to tell what color hair he had or even exactly what ethnicity he was . he had a thick southern drawl ; i could tell that even from the few words he spoke . so obviously he was from around here ; but there were a million more questions to be answered . not a chance , hendrix replied .

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["stomachs", 446], ["stomaching", 446], ["convulse", 456], ["painfully", 466], ["tear", 478], ["teared", 478], ["tears", 478], ["stream", 487], ["streams", 487], ["streamed", 487], ["streaming", 487], ["eye", 501], ["eyed", 501], ["eyes", 501], ["still", 513], ["body", 522], ["bodied", 522], ["effort", 549], ["empty", 558], ["many", 583], ["terrible", 592], ["thing", 599], ["things", 599], ["noise", 632], ["level", 638], ["definitely", 653], ["top", 664], ["list", 676], ["exactly", 714], ["tell", 719], ["vomit", 736], ["quietly", 744], ["really", 767], ["state", 778], ["mind", 786], ["minding", 786], ["able", 810], ["abled", 810], ["listen", 820], ["listens", 820], ["anyway", 827], ["rest", 838], ["brother", 854], ["brethren", 854], ["brothers", 854], ["stumble", 863], ["stumbled", 863], ["room", 882], ["roomed", 882], ["click", 893], ["clicking", 893], ["magazine", 903], ["magazining", 903], ["magazines", 903], ["place", 914], ["shove", 926], ["shoving", 926], ["foot", 937], ["feet", 937], ["pant", 948], ["pants", 948], ["shoe", 958], ["shoed", 958], ["shoes", 958], ["war", 992], ["prepare", 1003], ["prepared", 1003], ["whatever", 1018], ["take", 1026], ["took", 1026], ["save", 1034], ["little", 1047], ["sister", 1054], ["third", 1069], ["round", 1075], ["vomiting", 1087], ["every", 1095], ["parker", 1102], ["brother", 1110], ["brethren", 1110], ["arm", 1120], ["weapon", 1141], ["weapons", 1141], ["stood", 1164], ["stand", 1164], ["standest", 1164], ["standing", 1164], ["guard", 1170], ["window", 1182], ["windows", 1182], ["door", 1190], ["play", 1212], ["playest", 1212], ["played", 1212], ["nurse", 1218], ["exhaust", 1239], ["exhausted", 1239], ["exhausting", 1239], ["fever", 1247], ["stricken", 1256], ["pray", 1272], ["prays", 1272], ["good", 1285], ["best", 1285], ["currently", 1297], ["head", 1308], ["rest", 1320], ["resting", 1320], ["lap", 1330], ["laps", 1330], ["lapping", 1330], ["sprawl", 1357], ["sprawls", 1357], ["sprawled", 1357], ["across", 1364], ["count", 1419], ["countest", 1419], ["counting", 1419], ["minute", 1436], ["minutes", 1436], ["morning", 1450], ["zombie", 1460], ["zombied", 1460], ["zombies", 1460], ["perfectly", 1481], ["capable", 1489], ["capablest", 1489], ["attack", 1502], ["attacking", 1502], ["lit", 1520], ["light", 1520], ["day", 1527], ["somehow", 1541], ["daylight", 1554], ["feel", 1571], ["possible", 1580], ["hold", 1589], ["held", 1589], ["onto", 1594], ["ontos", 1594], ["hope", 1603], ["night", 1648], ["get", 1667], ["easy", 1674], ["easier", 1674], ["opening", 1715], ["closing", 1727], ["sat", 1742], ["sit", 1742], ["sitting", 1742], ["full", 1750], ["alert", 1756], ["alerted", 1756], ["careful", 1772], ["loll", 1791], ["lolling", 1791], ["desperate", 1818], ["know", 1826], ["knowest", 1826], ["go", 1841], ["goest", 1841], ["going", 1841], ["hear", 1854], ["hears", 1854], ["heard", 1854], ["whisper", 1870], ["shout", 1876], ["nelson", 1885], ["entire", 1901], ["feel", 1911], ["felt", 1911], ["water", 1931], ["fear", 1938], ["fearest", 1938], ["never", 1955], ["know", 1961], ["knowest", 1961], ["known", 1961], ["prickle", 1977], ["prickled", 1977], ["skin", 2003], ["heartbeat", 2020], ["heartbeats", 2020], ["kick", 2027], ["kicked", 2027], ["overdrive", 2042], ["overdriven", 2042], ["reach", 2059], ["reached", 2059], ["squeeze", 2092], ["squeezes", 2092], ["squeezing", 2092], ["tightly", 2111], ["open", 2129], ["opened", 2129], ["vaughan", 2155], ["take", 2172], ["idiot", 2194], ["believe", 2222], ["fall", 2236], ["falls", 2236], ["falling", 2236], ["run", 2257], ["ran", 2257], ["middle", 2277], ["middles", 2277], ["middling", 2277], ["probably", 2299], ["suicide", 2312], ["mission", 2320], ["stupid", 2335], ["heart", 2352], ["away", 2357], ["easily", 2381], ["destroy", 2394], ["destroys", 2394], ["destroyed", 2394], ["right", 2402], ["rightest", 2402], ["along", 2408], ["wait", 2431], ["waitest", 2431], ["waited", 2431], ["return", 2478], ["returnest", 2478], ["happen", 2523], ["happening", 2523], ["gunshot", 2552], ["unholy", 2565], ["attack", 2598], ["nothing", 2622], ["silence", 2634], ["stillness", 2648], ["riotous", 2673], ["nerve", 2685], ["nerves", 2685], ["brain", 2698], ["brained", 2698], ["braining", 2698], ["tick", 2705], ["ticked", 2705], ["completely", 2716], ["control", 2731], ["see", 2747], ["anything", 2756], ["damn", 2776], ["damned", 2776], ["dark", 2781], ["start", 2808], ["started", 2808], ["horrible", 2849], ["happen", 2874], ["million", 2913], ["mile", 2919], ["miles", 2919], ["minute", 2928], ["go", 2937], ["goest", 2937], ["went", 2937], ["single", 2966], ["scenario", 2975], ["end", 2996], ["ends", 2996], ["endest", 2996], ["ending", 2996], ["die", 3014], ["dying", 3014], ["gruesome", 3025], ["painful", 3035], ["death", 3041], ["finally", 3059], ["settle", 3067], ["settled", 3067], ["fact", 3079], ["bite", 3111], ["bitten", 3111], ["zombie", 3123], ["zombied", 3123], ["eventually", 3140], ["fight", 3146], ["fightest", 3146], ["way", 3154], ["ways", 3154], ["free", 3159], ["walk", 3170], ["house", 3185], ["expect", 3195], ["expecting", 3195], ["hero", 3203], ["heros", 3203], ["welcome", 3211], ["point", 3226], ["shoot", 3255], ["shooted", 3255], ["infect", 3277], ["infected", 3277], ["choice", 3301], ["recover", 3329], ["halfway", 3398], ["halfways", 3398], ["love", 3417], ["manage", 3455], ["managed", 3455], ["admit", 3474], ["die", 3517], ["sound", 3564], ["struggle", 3578], ["struggling", 3578], ["scuffle", 3592], ["scuffling", 3592], ["fill", 3599], ["fills", 3599], ["filled", 3599], ["moan", 3623], ["moans", 3623], ["moanest", 3623], ["moaned", 3623], ["force", 3646], ["forced", 3646], ["stay", 3661], ["keep", 3677], ["keepest", 3677], ["steady", 3688], ["comfortable", 3707], ["figure", 3741], ["figures", 3741], ["three", 3779], ["tall", 3784], ["hard", 3829], ["carry", 3886], ["carrying", 3886], ["seem", 3921], ["seeming", 3921], ["happy", 3927], ["bullet", 3964], ["load", 3977], ["loaded", 3977], ["chamber", 3994], ["everything", 4025], ["else", 4030], ["lumpy", 4044], ["wriggle", 4056], ["thing", 4062], ["flashlight", 4105], ["harrison", 4128], ["camping", 4151], ["lantern", 4159], ["low", 4166], ["lowed", 4166], ["filter", 4173], ["filterest", 4173], ["lowers", 4203], ["lowerest", 4203], ["lowered", 4203], ["describe", 4231], ["described", 4231], ["ground", 4255], ["keep", 4273], ["keepest", 4273], ["kept", 4273], ["gun", 4281], ["train", 4289], ["trained", 4289], ["expertly", 4298], ["region", 4317], ["flick", 4335], ["flickest", 4335], ["flicked", 4335], ["boy", 4365], ["boys", 4365], ["face", 4370], ["let", 4391], ["lets", 4391], ["mutual", 4402], ["gasp", 4408], ["gasps", 4408], ["surprise", 4420], ["surprised", 4420], ["young", 4444], ["youngest", 4444], ["boy", 4448], ["growl", 4456], ["growls", 4456], ["growled", 4456], ["hand", 4468], ["hands", 4468], ["shake", 4481], ["shaking", 4481], ["fist", 4487], ["fists", 4487], ["side", 4499], ["sidest", 4499], ["filthy", 4517], ["cover", 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she tried to smile and speak for my sake although i could barely make out what she said through the roughness of her poor mouth . i shouted at the doctor who was present . interrogating him on the opposite wall with my hands heavy on his white coat , i yelled , fix her ! then i felt her cold hands wrapping around me . her eyes were still joyful when i turned . we sat there on the floor , her in my arms till the nurses dragged me to leave when visiting hours had passed . in the days which followed , the hospital became my school . visitation hours from 12 till 2 , the notice would say . from 8 till 12 id sit by the opposite street to gaze high upon her window . we learned sign language so that our hands could communicate , when rules split us apart . i thought about her so our hearts could beat in unison , when space hid her from my eyes . we would sit and talk about never-ending aspirations : dreams and things . her condition deteriorated with each day , dying with each breath that she bitterly inhaled . we prayed to the man in the sky each day and each passing night , but he was deaf to our prayers and dumb in response . with her rising soul , my faith and belief were leaving . the nurses came to understand that the words visiting hours did not apply to me . they meant very little to me . mr. russell also understood and did his best to cover in my absence . i had a dream last night , she said during my visitation . i dreamt you standing here , we smiled and kissed , she smiled , i kissed her . was i cool like the terminator in your dream ? i asked her , hoping shed smile . no , you were you the greatest man id ever known . she paused to play idly with my hands . he has a plan ; i know you dont believe it but in my dream i saw it . she then held my face with her soft cold hands . with that she had breathed her last . her eyes still solidified to mine . i held onto her for hours to come till her blood was cold and no more tears i had to cry . i cursed the one who lives in the sky . and i never wasted another prayer for him to hear till this day . but today im in church no one understands why , starring at the caricature of the man on the cross ; my eyes still teary from long ago in my fledging youth . with her words still ringing in my mind , dont give up on him . so perhaps i shouldnt . chapter 6 romeo and juliet there were grey colored monkeys tumbling in the dusty gravel roads . a landscape one would die for at any given day . a sight one could wake up to for centuries too without getting tired of gazing . as i silently stared into the lush fields i knew the course of my life was about to take an unexpected and dramatic turn . from the busy city were ones neighbors were distant strangers , you smiled at with your teeth . to a small village comparable to a large extended family where everybody knew each other . were one had to smile with ones heart . i came with stories of the outside world : liberating my new found peers of the endless possibilities that lied beyond the horizon . the death of my dearest fortunate the only love i ever knew continued to occasionally swell tears in my eyes now and then . i consoled myself with the idea that she was too beautiful and angelic for this god-forsaken world . but im glad destiny is never blinded by night stains , moldy stains of the night . it brought me here to realize that there was another world which existed hand in hand with the civilized world i had left behind . there were opaque similarities between me and a rough stone being chiseled and hammered into shape , by a true artist ; little did i know that it would be the very environment that would mend me into the last romantic dreamer . here was where i met helen , a person who would poison me to chain my soul to the pits of hell . but today , here was where i met juliet ; and where juliet met me . small houses , shops , streets and very few cars . life was slower here . you could breathe and think unlike in the city where stars had died in the sky : where you could barely listen to yourself contemplate . i had a strong conviction that god had stopped manufacturing beauty or bliss with fortunate . but something unexpected and unthinkable happened : time . in its slow progress it surprisingly brought comfort . the funniest thing about time is that it has the ability to turn a stone into a diamond , beauty into dust . the more days passed the more the memory seemed to haze and lighten . the pain never faded , it just became bearable . someone once told me that everything we learn we already knew . we are simply revising and taking ownership of our knowledge . i can not disagree with him the statement is simply irrefutable and seems wise . but i do agree with the essence of it . i believe ive always been a writer a romantic at heart . but it was my silver juliet who made me feel it in the deep feelings of my dreams .

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every day he sat down to type an email to julia , and every day he found he could n't . her emails were always cheerful , and the most recent one was no exception . she 'd written him from italy , urging him to visit the vatican museum the next time he was in rome . as if he needed urging . as if he needed the reminder that she was married and jet-setting around europe with her dashing and older husband , who was probably thinking of ways to persuade her to have his baby . paul was a rugby player . but somehow , this slip of a woman from selinsgrove , pennsylvania , had turned his life upside down . now he was afraid of doing what he 'd already determined to do . `` this is ridiculous , '' he muttered . he started to type , the words just beginning to flow , when he heard a knock at the back door . curious , he answered it . allison greeted him , standing outside and holding two large coffees from dunkin ' donuts . `` i thought you could use one of these . '' when he did n't respond , she gave him an uneasy smile . `` are you working on your dissertation ? i do n't mean to interrupt . '' she handed him a coffee . he held the screen door open . she thanked him and walked into the kitchen , pulling out a chair across from where his computer was situated . `` i have n't heard from you since you got back from england . '' his voice had a slight edge to it . `` my dissertation director is kicking my ass and i have a lot of ground to cover before september . '' paul sipped his coffee and made an appreciative noise . my paper went well and i was able to talk to my director . '' allison nodded , clutching her cup a little too tightly . `` her name is julia . '' paul 's tone was sharp . `` i met her in this kitchen , remember ? '' `` yes , she was there . '' he tasted his drink again . her husband was there , too . '' allison searched paul 's unusually morose expression . `` because i do n't like to see you pining . '' `` i was trying to compose an email to her when you knocked on the door . '' allison gripped her cup in two hands . but i think it 's weird that she 's keeping in touch with you , given your history . it 's like she 's leading you on . '' `` you 're right , you do n't know her . '' paul glared . `` i doubt her husband is happy about her emailing you . '' paul muttered something unflattering about the professor . allison sat still for a moment , as if she were waiting for something . her former boyfriend followed her to the back door . allison did n't turn around but stood facing the driveway . chapter twenty-six august 2011 umbria , italy every time julia sat down at her computer , she was tempted to google gabriel 's parents . but he 'd exacted a promise from her and she would n't betray him , no matter how difficult it was to keep that promise . on one such morning , julia was checking her email when she found something from paul . after she read the message , she sat back in her chair , stunned . `` do you want eggs for breakfast ? or fruit and cheese ? '' gabriel called from the kitchen , which was next to the living room . when she did n't respond , he walked over to her . `` should i make eggs for breakfast , or just fruit and cheese ? there 's also pastries from the bakery . '' she looked up at him in evident distress . `` i just got an email from paul . '' gabriel resisted the urge to comment on the angelfucker and his behavior . wordlessly , she pointed at the computer screen . gabriel fished around in his pocket for his glasses and put them on . dear julia , thanks for your email . you did a great job with your paper and i thought you handled the questions well , especially christa 's . professor picton was very complimentary . she does n't praise people often , so you should be proud of yourself . please pass along my congratulations to your father and his girlfriend . he 's a good guy and i 'm happy for them . i 'm back in vermont . my dad 's health continues to improve . i 'll tell him and mom that you said hello . i 'm determined to meet professor picton 's deadlines , so my parents have hired more help at the farm . i hope to go on the job market this fall and pick up some interviews at the modern language association meeting . if i do n't get a job , i 'm back on the farm for another year . i 'm glad we had a chance to go to lunch . there were some things i should have said , but did n't . i guess i should say them now . i think we need to go our separate ways .

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with wary expressions , they stood back and watched their buddy get the shit kicked out of him . his face was bleeding from his nose , cuts above his eye , and one cheekbone . his gut had to be killing him . i was hoping for a few cracked ribs . he finally staggered to one side and collapsed to his knees . sean raised his boot to kick him when killian appeared out of nowhere . he glared around the alley , daring anyone to step in . ricki dug her nails into my arm with a sharp inhale . oh my freakin god ! he was fierce grabbing scott by the shirt and shoving him into his startled friend , sean snarled , get this piece of shit out of my sight before i finish this permanently . and you , dirt bag , you might want to reconsider taking a piece of that if you want to keep your dick attached to your body . the guy backed away , face white . sean shot him a feral smile . just some friendly advice . the whole fight had taken less than three or four minutes , and the cops hadnt made it there yet . aric and kevin regarded killian and sean with a cross between fear and respect . they backed out of the alley as the sound of sirens closing in broke the tension . we scattered and ran to the cars . in the confusion , sean grabbed my hand and yanked me behind another stores fence . he swung me around and kissed me hard . my head filled with little flashing lights as the current that was sean coursed through my blood . that was the first night i let him stay with me . i didnt think it was a good idea , but he insisted . he must have been riding on some wave of testosterone because he was determined to stay . mica , i dont trust those guys . theyre not going to give up . he was facing me in the front seat of his car , outlining all of the reasons i should let him spend the night . i had no arguments that made sense . the truth was i was a wreck . i didnt want to be alone in the dark . i didnt want to face the nightmares that would surely come . they always did when i ran into him . i would get very little sleep once the dreams started . sean could protect me , and i needed him tonight . we lay on the bed , with domino between us , talking until late in the night . we talked about everything and nothing at all . eventually i dozed off , and the dream came back . i was running through the endless hallways again , but this time , i could clearly see scotts face behind me . he was carrying the hunting knife . i was screaming as usual . but this time i was screaming at him to come and get me . i stopped to face him with a gun in my hand . i was ready to fight back . sean shook me awake . i snuggled against him , grateful to let the dream fade . he rubbed his hand down my arm , and said , you can ask me anything . lying in bed with a gorgeous creature what kind of question is that ? no , not here , i mean here , in town . you and your friends you arent like the other people around here . theyre all so country . thats not who you are . he pulled away from me and sat up . that mustve been some dream . im not anything special , mica . dont make too much out of me . but what about the fight ? youve had training , i can tell . and your accent ? come on , killian is like this military commando guy . he probably kills people for fun . say what you want to , but you arent from around here . he was pacing by the window until the silence stretched . finally he sat down beside me . he told me his story . it was true they werent from around here originally . their parents came from the u.k. as political refugees after a terrorist attack nearly killed them . the u.s. government agreed to grant them asylum in exchange for the research information they would provide . seans father , killians mother , and decs father were involved in biological research in switzerland . he wasnt allowed to give me any details on that though . so what are your parents doing here now ? are they still doing research ? lets just say they are in and out of the country a lot so the three of us stick together . were all old enough to live alone so its okay for them to travel when they need to . we agreed to finish school here , and then well be out on our own . not biological ones , no . but i think of dec as my little brother . weve hung out since we were pretty young , and i try to keep him on a short leash , but you know him . hes always doing something . dec was a clown , and i wished he was my brother . what about killian ? i couldnt imagine him as anyones brother . i wasnt even sure he was human ! a shadow passed over his eyes . uh , killians complicated .

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liz saw allison 's guilty look even as the suspicions started to creep in from the edges of her mind . `` what does noah mean , ally ? tip of the iceberg ? '' noah smirked from his position on the sofa , and started counting off on his fingers . first , there was the plot to lure quentin to the french bistro and make it seem like you and i were on a date . '' allison glared at her brother , and liz 's jaw dropped open . she asked ally . `` then there was the plan to throw you and quentin together with weak excuses like having quentin pick up cocktail party decorations for allison from you , '' noah went on with equanimity , obviously enjoying himself . `` noah , you know you 're going to pay for this , do n't you ? '' ally asked in a voice coated with artificial sugar . liz swung to her husband . `` did you know about all this ? '' `` i suspected some of it . '' then added dryly , `` but i 'm sure there are details of the master plan that i 'll be finding out years from now . '' `` yeah , '' noah agreed , `` and then there are details that not even allison could have foreseen . i mean , who knew that elizabeth 's father and celine would hit it off ? patrick 's moving back to carlyle and i doubt it 's only to be closer to the baby . those two will probably be heading off to the land of wedded bliss soon , and , ally was n't even trying to get them married ! '' allison finally threw up her hands . i 'm guilty as sin . sue me ? '' with a sly glance from liz to her brother , she added , `` as far as i can tell there would be no damages awarded anyway . '' she glanced at little nicholas dozing in liz 's arms . `` unless you think my darling pint-sized nephew is a bad outcome ? '' liz looked down at her now sleeping son and her heart swelled . she and quentin had created this miracle together , a product of their love for each other , which continued to grow every day . she glanced up as quentin slid his arm around her and knew he could read her answer-identical to his own-in the love in her eyes . `` no , allison , this is n't a bad outcome at all . thanks for helping us along a little , '' she said before raising her face for her husband 's kiss . chapter one when megan simmons left miami four years ago . she 'd struggled every day to regain her equilibrium and put the past behind her . but her equilibrium had eluded her and the past had dogged her every step . now at the sound of the knock on her open office door , she glanced up from the documents on her desk and into the eyes of the man she 'd once thought shed never see again . her breath left her in a whoosh . she put down the papers she was holding . `` your new partner is hard at work already . conrad . '' his voice went through her like fine cognac . particularly in bed . this time , though , she immediately sensed the danger . stephen 's words held a note of cynical amusement . her eyes traveled to the second man at her door . conrad elkind 's offer of partnership in the interior design firm she used to work for as an employee was the reason she was back in miami . conrad said heartily . `` we 've got an assignment to redesign part of the garrison grand . stephen here was so impressed by the job you did on the garrison . inc. building four years ago that he requested you work on this new project . '' her eyes shot back to stephen . from the look on his face , she knew this was no mere coincidence . stephens lips twisted . `` i asked conrad not to let the cat out of the bag until we 'd sealed the deal . '' if she had n't already been sitting down in a chair , she 'd have collapsed into one . when she 'd moved back to miami , she 'd known she might run into stephen , but she had n't expected to be working for him within weeks of being back at her old firm . someday , in the not too distant future , she hoped to be a senior partner . her firm would be elkind ross gardner and simmons . now however stephen loomed like an immovable obstacle in that path . she composed herself and stood , even as her eyes shot daggers at the man who 'd haunted her days and not too few of her nights . `` what an unexpected compliment . '' she announced as she came around her desk . she was dressed in a sand-colored skirt suit paired with an emerald blouse that echoed the color of her eyes . she was glad now for the professional armor , though-in a nod to the hot sunny weather-her feet were encased in strappy tan sandals .

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monica smiled back in a flirty care-free way as she turned her eyes on krista , who was unimpressed with the whole scene . to be polite , she nodded hello as she turned her eyes back to sean . sean followed monicas eyesto krista . and this is krista . she is fairly new with this company and comes from marketing research . there was a small groan from the group . now , now , we need market research like a baby needs milk . anyway , this is our team . i have high hopes for us . sean turned to ray to ask him to pass out their first assignments . krista couldnt help but feel like an outcast already . she got a crappy introduction , she was still getting stared at fairly constantly , she got groaned at , and she was quickly discarded as sean moved on to other business . it didnt look like this was a step-up . more like a step sideways . add that to the fact that she would have to deal with sean more , and the attraction , and the constant desire to smile and then stripshe wasnt sure she made the wisest decision . she could not afford to unravel . she was supposed to be growing up , getting stronger , and really coming into her own . with that clown around all the time , she would find life a constant struggle . she , again , wished fervently for an easy life . ~*~*~*~ on the other side of the table , sean saw krista sullenly listening to ray go over the information she came up with in barely contained resentment . he shouldnt be doing it -- ray had warned him against it -- but sean needed to test her a little . he wanted to see how she would handle ray giving her presentation . he also wanted to keep her a mystery . so far the rest of the company , including ray and john , thought hed picked the new researcher because of her looks . they thought sean wanted an excuse to work her into his bed . and yes , that thought had crossed his mind . but this decision was solely based on what he knew she was capable of . he would let people talk now , because it would make krista look better when they had to eat their words . and sean was positive they would . ray , an experienced salesman , and even after having practiced the presentation a few times , was still stumbling over some of her information . she was also looking good today ; professional . ray must have been right about the state of her yesterday . shed felt shed bit off more than she could chew . today , though , she was fresh , well dressed , and eager to prove herself . it was what sean needed . next thing he needed was to get her to trust him . they would have a hard time working together if she didnt want to be in the same room . chapter eight when ray was through doing a hack job on kristas material , sean told everyone theyd receive further information the following day via email . krista , stay behind , please , sean said as everyone else headed toward the door . monica looked at her with daggers in her eyes . krista turned back to sean , who was still sitting in his chair . he was leaning back , his arms folded over his chest , his biceps bulging in the confinement of his jacket . long shadows from the afternoon sun played across seans strong features , glinting across his eyes . he had a bemused expression that gave krista the feeling he was toying with her . or what to do to get the upper hand . krista organized everything in front of her , still disheartened by the meeting , in an attempt to avoid seans eye contact . she needed to find the best way to tell him shed made a mistakethis group wasnt for her . when she had nothing left to move around , and he still hadnt said a word , she reached for her mug . getting awkward . finally , defiantly , she met his eyes . strikingly green . the silence lengthened as she watched him , watching her . the atoms in the room sped up . the electricity crackled . krista felt a fresh burst of sweat under her armpits . we need to clear the air if were going to work together , sean finally said with all traces of flirt gone . he was somber and sophisticated . the atoms started racing around even faster . krista was doing everything she could not to fan herself . i think it best you get whatever answers you need . krista shrugged petulantly . her brain , past realizing how hungry it was , was starting to short circuit . she couldnt think clearly through the fuzz . after a lengthy pause , in which krista couldnt get her thoughts clear enough to say anything , sean asked , are you okay ? oh , i didnt get anything to eat for lunch and my body doesnt do all that well with low blood sugar . uh ... lets see ... she tried desperately to stay on topic , but her stupid brain was jackknifing .

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that explained why he 'd never replied to my letters : he 'd never read them . i wondered why he kept them at all , let alone in an otherwise empty formal living room . van houten kicked his feet up onto the ottoman and crossed his slippers . augustus and i sat down next to each other , but not too next . asked lidewij . i started to say that we 'd already eaten when peter interrupted . `` it is far too early for breakfast , lidewij . '' `` well , they are from america , peter , so it is past noon in their bodies . '' `` then it 's too late for breakfast , '' he said . `` however , it being after noon in the body and whatnot , we should enjoy a cocktail . do you drink scotch ? '' `` do i-um , no , i 'm fine , '' i said . `` augustus waters ? '' van houten asked , nodding toward gus . `` uh , i 'm good . '' `` just me , then , lidewij . scotch and water , please . '' peter turned his attention to gus , asking , `` you know how we make a scotch and water in this home ? '' `` no , sir , '' gus said . `` we pour scotch into a glass and then call to mind thoughts of water , and then we mix the actual scotch with the abstracted idea of water . '' lidewij said , `` perhaps a bit of breakfast first , peter . '' he looked toward us and stage-whispered , `` she thinks i have a drinking problem . '' `` and i think that the sun has risen , '' lidewij responded . nonetheless , she turned to the bar in the living room , reached up for a bottle of scotch , and poured a glass half full . peter van houten took a sip , then sat up straight in his chair . `` a drink this good deserves one 's best posture , '' he said . i became conscious of my own posture and sat up a little on the couch . i rearranged my cannula . dad always told me that you can judge people by the way they treat waiters and assistants . by this measure , peter van houten was possibly the world 's douchiest douche . `` so you like my book , '' he said to augustus after another sip . `` yeah , '' i said , speaking up on augustus 's behalf . `` and yes , we-well , augustus , he made meeting you his wish so that we could come here , so that you could tell us what happens after the end of an imperial affliction . '' van houten said nothing , just took a long pull on his drink . after a minute , augustus said , `` your book is sort of the thing that brought us together . '' `` but you are n't together , '' he observed without looking at me . `` the thing that brought us nearly together , '' i said . now he turned to me . `` did you dress like her on purpose ? '' he took a long drink , then grimaced . `` i do not have a drinking problem , '' he announced , his voice needlessly loud . `` i have a churchillian relationship with alcohol : i can crack jokes and govern england and do anything i want to do . except not drink . '' he glanced over at lidewij and nodded toward his glass . she took it , then walked back to the bar . `` just the idea of water , lidewij , '' he instructed . `` yah , got it , '' she said , the accent almost american . the second drink arrived . van houten 's spine stiffened again out of respect . he kicked off his slippers . he had really ugly feet . he was rather ruining the whole business of authorial genius for me . but he had the answers . `` well , um , '' i said , `` first , we do want to say thank you for dinner last night and- '' `` we bought them dinner last night ? '' van houten asked lidewij . `` yes , at oranjee . '' well , believe me when i say that you do not have me to thank but rather lidewij , who is exceptionally talented in the field of spending my money . '' `` it was our pleasure , '' lidewij said . `` well , thanks , at any rate , '' augustus said . i could hear annoyance in his voice . `` so here i am , '' van houten said after a moment . `` um , '' augustus said . `` he seemed so intelligent in print , '' van houten said to lidewij regarding augustus . `` perhaps the cancer has established a beachhead in his brain . '' `` peter , '' lidewij said , duly horrified .

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you are not commitment material . `` but i am living with someone , '' he blurted . she stopped laughing and her remarkable ice-blue eyes widened . vindication barbed through his chest . so what if it was n't true-faith did n't have to know . `` yeah , we 're really committed to each other . '' `` in fact , '' he said , peering into the cases around him , `` i 'm planning to pop the question on valentine 's day . '' `` why wait around when you find the right woman ? '' what had he expected-that she would burst into flames of jealousy ? across the showroom , a young woman lifted her hand . faith nodded , then looked back . `` i need to get back to work , but it was good to see you , carter . i hope everything goes well with the wedding . '' carter swallowed and tried to smile-even though it was all make-believe , the word wedding still hit him hard . he watched her walk away from him , tall and statuesque , with enough curves for a man to get his hands around . her black , black hair , startling against her fair complexion , skimmed her shoulders . her nose and cheekbones were model-perfect , her lips wide and berry-red . and those eyes ... a man could grow old and never tire of looking into them . and now that he was faced with the thought of walking out of here and possibly never seeing her again , his big dumb feet would n't move . on the other hand , he could n't think of a good reason to stay . feeling much the way he did the night he 'd watched her drive away in the cab , he turned and started toward the door , massaging his left thigh , which had begun to throb . the customer that faith had been attending when he had walked in was moving toward the door at the same time , but his body language was all wrong-walking too fast , seeming too intent on the exit . all of carter 's senses went on alert . he looked back to see faith 's gaze jump from the man back to the counter where he 'd been seated . `` sir , '' she said , her voice just short of panicked . `` the ring ! instead the man made a run for the door . carter moved out of instinct , sprinting the few steps it took to overtake the man , then tackling him in front of the door . when they landed , white-hot pain ripped through carter 's leg , stealing his breath . he gritted his teeth and pushed himself to his good knee while wrestling the man 's hands behind his back . be still , dammit , or i 'll shoot you . '' he did n't even have his weapon on him , but the threat worked . `` do n't shoot , '' the man cried . `` the ring 's in my pocket . do n't arrest me . '' carter held him down with one hand and felt in the man 's jacket pocket with the other . he pulled out the ring and handed it to faith , who stood nearby , white-faced . `` call the police , '' he said . `` stacy is doing it right now , '' she said in a strained voice . truth be known , aside from his burning leg , he felt pretty darn good-it was the adrenaline rush . and it was n't every day that a man got to be a hero in front of a girl he ... did n't hate . `` if you get up , '' he told the man , `` i 'll shoot you . '' with a bit of teeth grinding , carter stood and took a few deep breaths until the worst of the pain subsided . he lowered his voice for faith 's ears only . `` tell me your security is better than yelling 'stop ' as the thief runs out the door . '' faith nodded , but bit into her lip . `` it is , but i 'm starting to think it could use some tweaking considering the crowds the valentino diamond might be bringing in . '' `` this valentino diamond , that 's the guard assignment ? '' i thought it would help increase foot traffic before valentine 's day . '' the disturbing sensation he felt when he thought he was walking out of her life was still fresh . he had an inexplicably perverse desire to spend more time with her , and the opportunity to do it was staring him in the face . before he could consider the ramifications , he said , `` maybe i 'll take that assignment , after all . i could review your general security measures while i 'm at it . '' he attempted a casual shrug . `` that is ... if you think it would n't be too awkward . '' he was on the verge of withdrawing his offer when she gave him a small smile . `` i think it 's clear that i- i mean , we-need someone like you around . '' she extended her hand as if to set the boundaries of their interaction .

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1442], ["night", 1459], ["drive", 1483], ["cab", 1499], ["cabs", 1499], ["turn", 1511], ["turned", 1511], ["start", 1523], ["started", 1523], ["toward", 1530], ["door", 1539], ["massage", 1551], ["massaged", 1551], ["massaging", 1551], ["left", 1560], ["thigh", 1566], ["thighs", 1566], ["begin", 1584], ["begun", 1584], ["throb", 1593], ["throbs", 1593], ["throbbed", 1593], ["throbbing", 1593], ["customer", 1608], ["attend", 1638], ["attending", 1638], ["walk", 1657], ["walked", 1657], ["move", 1671], ["moving", 1671], ["time", 1704], ["body", 1719], ["bodied", 1719], ["language", 1728], ["languaged", 1728], ["wrong", 1742], ["fast", 1759], ["seeming", 1769], ["intent", 1780], ["exit", 1792], ["exited", 1792], ["sense", 1818], ["senses", 1818], ["go", 1823], ["goest", 1823], ["went", 1823], ["alert", 1832], ["alerted", 1832], ["gaze", 1870], ["gazes", 1870], ["jump", 1875], ["jumps", 1875], ["counter", 1908], ["seat", 1932], ["seated", 1932], ["sir", 1941], ["sirs", 1941], ["voice", 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the doctor , mid-forties with graying hair at his temples , strode toward cole and extended his hand . `` i 'm doctor white , but call me malcolm . do you mind if we have a word , cole ? '' it was the only thing he could do , though he was confused and on edge . what had savannah told her therapist about him ? as soon as they were seated in his large office , malcolm cut to the chase . `` she told me who you were . but do n't worry-doctor / patient confidentially and all that . plus i do n't care who you work for . i get the sense that you want to help savannah , so i wanted to offer some guidance . '' cole leaned forward , his hands on his knees , ready to listen to whatever the doctor had to say . it seemed that they were on the same page . this was about savannah . `` these sessions will help , but they 're only once a week . savannah needs to get into a regular routine . she needs some semblance of normal in her life . '' that 's the brilliant advice he probably charges three-hundred dollars an hour to deliver ? `` she seems to have a caring , nurturing spirit . '' cole recognized as much ; she loved to cook and seemed content to feed him and stay at home . but he waited , wondering where this conversation was heading . `` she needs someone or something to care for . do you have pets , plants , anything ? '' cole scrubbed a hand over his scruff . `` so it seems at the moment what she 's putting her caring energy into is you . `` savannah could grow quite attached at this vulnerable point in her life . you 'll need to be careful . '' if the doc felt it necessary , he 'd buy her a plant , but he did n't see how watering a cactus once a week would help . not to mention he was enjoying savannah funneling her nurturing energy into taking care of him . `` got any advice for me ? '' cole asked , shifting in the stiff leather chair . he did n't like admitting that he had no clue what he was doing , but he needed the advice , and since savannah had already told the doctor about him , there was no use pretending he was n't involved . dr. malcolm white laced his fingers in front of his round stomach . `` watch for withdrawn or self-destructive behaviors . she did n't have the normal teenage experience , and even though she 's wise beyond her years , it 's possible she could go through a late rebellious stage - wanting to experience the typical teenage things she missed out on . '' `` okay ... '' cole was n't sure what he meant , but he thought of his own rebellious years ... sneaking out to go to parties , drinking too much , getting in fights and fooling around with girls he had no intention of dating . he could n't see savannah behaving like that . she seemed too sweet , too innocent . `` and there 's one other thing ... '' the doctor swallowed and met his eyes . `` she 's not ready for any type of romantic relationship , physical or otherwise . i do n't know what your interests in her are , but ... '' cole held up a hand , stopping him there . `` i have zero interest in starting a relationship with her . and as far as anything physical ... she 's just a kid . '' she 'll be twenty in a couple of months , more than old enough for a relationship ; i just do n't think she 's ready yet . she 's got a lot of healing to do first . '' `` listen , like i said , i 'm not interested in that with her . '' `` she 's an attractive girl . i had to bring it up . '' his voice , along with his self-assuredness had disappeared . the truth was he had no idea what he was doing with savannah . but he knew one thing ; he felt a compelling need to keep her safe . he 'd just have to shut off any attraction he felt for her . he accepted a stack of self-help books from dr. white , unsure if they were for savannah or him , and stalked from the office . chapter 9 `` do you mind if we turn on the tv ? '' `` it 's just so quiet in here , and i 'm used to more background noise . '' cole handed her the remote , and she stared down at it curiously like it was some strange foreign object . he hit the power button , bringing the flat screen to life . it was turned to one of the premium channels , which thankfully kept the programming clean during the day . he rarely watched tv , but when he did , it was typically when he could n't sleep and it was either watch the soft-core smut on this channel , or infomercials . and a man only needed so many shark vacuums and ab rollers .

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if they happened to be outside at the same time , they exchanged smiles and a polite greeting , but nothing more . it seemed , although robin could n't be sure , that cole spent less time outside than usual . `` okay , '' jeff called , running to the end of their yard . `` squat down . '' robin shouted indignantly . `` i agreed to play catch with you . you did n't say anything about having to squat ! '' `` mom , '' jeff said impatiently , `` think about it . if i 'm going to be the pitcher , you 've got to be the catcher , and catchers have to be low to the ground . '' complaining under her breath , robin sank to her knees , worried the grass would stain her jeans . jeff tossed his arms into the air in frustration . he said something else that robin could n't quite make out-something about why could n't moms be guys . reluctantly , robin assumed the posture he wanted , but she did n't know how long her knees would hold out . jeff wound up his arm and let loose with a fastball . robin closed her eyes , stuck out the mitt and was so shocked when she caught the ball that she toppled backward into the wet grass . jeff yelled , racing toward her . `` i 'm fine , i 'm fine , '' she shouted back , discounting his concern as she brushed the dampness from the seat of her jeans . she righted herself , assumed the position and waited for the second ball . jeff ran back to his mock pitcher 's mound , gripped both hands behind his back and stepped forward . robin closed her eyes again . she opened her eyes cautiously , puzzled about the delay . then she recalled the hand movements she 'd seen pitchers make and flexed her fingers a few times . jeff straightened , placed his hand on his hip and stared at her . `` it 's a signal ... i 've seen catchers do it on tv . '' `` mom , leave that kind of stuff to the real ballplayers . all i want you to do is catch my pitches and throw them back . it might help if you kept your eyes open , too . '' robin suspected she heard a tinge of sarcasm in her son 's voice . she did n't know what he was getting so riled up about ; she was doing her best . it was at times like these that she most longed for lenny . when her parents had still lived in the area , her dad had stepped in whenever her son needed a father 's guiding hand , but they 'd moved to arizona a couple of years ago . lenny 's family had been in texas since before his death . robin had n't seen them since the funeral , although lenny 's mother faithfully sent jeff birthday and christmas gifts . squinting , robin stuck out the mitt , prepared to do her best to catch the stupid ball , since it seemed so important to her son . once more he swung his arms behind him and stepped forward . then he stood there , poised to throw , for what seemed an eternity . her knees were beginning to ache . `` are you going to throw the ball , or are you going to stare at me all night ? '' she asked after a long moment had passed . jeff tossed his mitt to the ground . `` you just broke my concentration . '' `` well , for crying out loud , what 's there to concentrate on ? '' robin grimaced , rising awkwardly to her feet . her legs had started to lose feeling . `` this is n't working , '' jeff cried , stalking toward her . `` kelly 's only in third grade and she does a better job than you do . '' robin decided to ignore that comment . she pressed her hand to the small of her back , hoping to ease the ache she 'd begun to feel . `` hello , robin . jeff . '' cole 's voice came at her like a hangman 's noose . she straightened abruptly and winced at the sharp pain shooting through her back . jeff shouted as though cole was a conquering hero returned from the war . he dashed across the yard , past robin and straight to the hedge . he might 've been talking to jeff , but his eyes were holding robin 's . she tried to look away-but she could n't . his eyes told her she was avoiding him . hers answered that he 'd been avoiding her . `` i guess you have been busy , '' jeff was saying . `` i have n't seen you in days and days and days . '' blackie squeezed through the hedge and jeff fell to his knees , his arms circling the dog 's neck . `` so how 's the baseball going ? '' jeff sent his mother a disgusted look , then shrugged . `` what position are you playing ? '' `` probably outfield .

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even his luceria hummed when he got near jackie , as if hoping for a reprieve from death . the thing apparently did n't accept that it was too late for him . but there was someone else who still had a chance : cain . iain could n't save his brother 's soul , but he could sure as hell slow its death . the black ring burned his hand with cold as he carried it through the hallways of dabyr-the fortified compound that protected nearly five hundred humans and sentinels . he could have shoved the ring into his pocket , but the pain reminded him of the danger of what he was about to do . one false move , and he and four other men-men he considered brothers-would be sentenced to death . the band of the barren was the only refuge for soulless warriors , and iain was the only man who knew who was in it . he 'd recruited them all . and now there was one more he had to recruit , before it was too late . he found cain in the antechamber outside the hall of the fallen , staring at a worn sword mounted on the wall . a delicate band of shimmering gray was woven around the well-used grip . angus 's sword . gilda 's luceria . the couple had died a few weeks ago , and while iain was beyond feeling any sort of grief for his friends , he remembered what grief felt like-how it crushed the breath from a man 's body and sapped his will to live . he remembered feeling like that after his betrothed had died at the hands of the synestryn . the pain had been much worse than anything he had experienced in his long , long life , and yet somehow it had n't killed him . for years , he 'd wished that it had . a sliver of the man he 'd once been yearned to feel like that again , if only because it would mean some minuscule part of his soul was still alive . but the only emotion he seemed to have left was rage-the only thing that had survived the death of his soul . cain lifted his dark head in surprise as iain entered the place of mourning and remembrance . the room was silent except for the crackle of a fire . the dark walls , soft carpet , and comfortable furniture were designed to make the room welcoming , but there was no happiness here . cain 's deep voice was gravelly as if from a prolonged silence . `` i 'll leave so you can have time to mourn alone . '' iain kept his expression neutral , hoping the other man would take it for some form of grief . he could n't let cain know his secret-not until he was sure of what his instincts were telling him . cain was a giant of a man , even among theronai . years of battle had hardened his body and etched themselves into his very skin . small scars dotted the backs of his hands , as well as a few places on his face . muscles bunched under his turtleneck as he shifted to face iain . a turtleneck was a bad sign among their kind . each theronai warrior 's chest was marked with a living image of a tree . as they grew , so did the lifemark , branching out and growing stronger each day as the magic inside them swelled-magic that could be accessed only by a female of their kind . a couple of centuries ago , their enemy attacked , killing nearly all their women . the men were left alone , struggling to contain the magic that continued to grow inside them with no outlet . as the power they housed grew , their souls began to weaken and die . leaves fell from their lifemarks , each one marking a loss of what made them who they were . the warriors became darker , angrier . the pain was too much for some , and they took their own lives . iain had considered doing the same more times than he could count , but one thing kept him holding on : he was the answer to the prayers of his brothers . he could save them . he 'd found magical artifacts that slowed the decay of their lifemarks and allowed them to cling to their souls for a few more years . his efforts had n't saved everyone , but he 'd saved madoc , who was now happily united with a woman who could wield his power and take away his pain . nika had saved madoc 's soul , but iain had made it possible . he hoped to offer cain that same chance for survival . cain had grown darker over the past month , quieter . his clothing had changed . so had his habits . he no longer dined with others . he sat alone , ignoring the rest of the men who offered to share his company . those were all signs that his lifemark was nearly bare , and that his time was almost up . he was distancing himself from the others , doing what he could to make his death easier on his brothers . iain had seen it all before .

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throwing his head back , he howled , a purely inhuman sound . within moments , the space began to fil . vash appeared startled by the number of lycans who poured in . who knew so many furries could fit in one cave ? '' elijah waited until the room was so ful that a mere five feet of clearance surrounded them . he relayed the recent events without inflection- starting with vashti 's arrival and ending with his reason for taking the life of a packmate . his remorse and frustration roiled , twisting around his vitals , but he contained them , even as he expressed sincere regret that they 'd lost one of their own . as some of the lycans in the room shifted into their lupine forms , vash lifted her blade and set the flat of it against her shoulder . while her pose was casual , it conveyed her battle readiness . the beasts paced and she tracked them with her gaze . `` i 'm asking you to trust the orders i give and the actions i take , '' he finished , `` whether you understand and agree with them or not . if you ca n't , i wo n't stop you from leaving and i wo n't think less of you . if you stay , some of you wil be on the move tomorrow and working with vampires . in either case , try to get some rest tonight . things wil be stressful for al of us for the next while . '' he started forward , heading for the cavern he was using as sleeping quarters . the female who 'd announced vash 's arrival the day before stepped into his path . sarah was a young omega-he guessed mid-twenties-and exceptional y pretty , with long straight black hair and tip-tilted eyes . she met his gaze shyly . `` al ow me to tend your wounds . '' he almost brushed her off , his emotions too volatile to welcome company . but her earnestness touched him . while there were many who would chal enge him , there were others who needed a different sort of guidance-a soft touch and gentle words to go along with a firm hand . it was the sort of leadership he longed to provide and hoped he could eventual y achieve once their situation became less precarious . `` i 'd be grateful if you would , sarah . '' battery-operated lights lined the passageway . gesturing at his office , he spoke over his shoulder to vashti . she muttered something under her breath , but complied . she joined him a few minutes later in his room , entering at the moment he had his hands on his fly . he shed his ruined pants and sat on the military locker placed at the foot of his air mattress . sarah sank to her knees between his spread legs and opened the first-aid kit . vash queried tightly . elijah looked up at her , noting the rigidness of her jaw and her narrowed gaze . nudity was nothing to a lycan , but perhaps it meant something to vashti . wondering if the vampress could possibly be feeling as proprietary about him as he felt about her , he reached out and tucked sarah 's hair behind one ear . vash stepped closer , the hand not holding her duffel wrapping tightly around the hilt of a blade strapped to her thigh . `` i'l give you some privacy . '' her gaze lifted from his c*ck to his eyes . `` you 're rooming with me . '' `` like hel . '' canting his arms back , he gripped the rear edge of the trunk and stretched his wounded leg out . `` it 's the one place i can trust you'l be safe . '' `` i can damn wel take care of myself . '' he took a deep breath , released it . `` no argument , but the odds are against you . '' `` if i ca n't fight off a pack of puppies , i deserve to bite it . '' `` and syre would come down on me in a swarm of vamps . how much shit am i expected to have shoveled on me ? '' that knocked her back a bit . she looked at the queen-sized air mattress , clearly debating the risks and benefits of sharing it with him . `` we 're both adults , '' he pointed out . then he groaned softly as sarah smoothed ointment over his torn skin . he 'd be healing faster if he was eating properly , but he was quickly becoming undernourished on the sparse amount of food to be found while roughing it . `` nothing wil happen that you do n't want . '' `` i do n't want anything besides you keeping your end of our agreement . '' `` then you 've got no worries . why do n't you show me those property specs you mentioned ? '' vash stared at him for a long moment , then muttered something beneath her breath and dug in her bag . she set it down on the ground a moment later , her hand emerging from the depths with a folder clutched in her grip .

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his voice was deceptively unconcerned , as if he knew far more than he was letting on . `` you wanted that transfer and you did n't care if you got hawaii or iran . '' `` there were personal reasons , '' she admitted reluctantly . catherine could n't understand why he 'd chosen to ask her these questions now . the man continued to baffle her . catherine tensed , disliking his casual tone . nor was she pleased with the way he implied she was lying . by mentally counting to ten , she willed herself to remain calm . i 've always wanted to live in hawaii . '' `` my guess is that a man was involved . '' catherine 's stomach knotted . she didnft often think about aaron . for the past three years she 'd done a superb job of pretending they 'd never met . leave it to royce nyland to harass her battered heart with memories of her former fiance . all right , that was a bit strong . he was n't exactly tormenting her , and her heart was n't all that scarred . `` what makes you think my request had anything to do with a man ? '' she asked , making light of his comment . she increased her strides , wanting to get this interrogation over with as soon as possible . `` because it generally is . '' that was n't the least bit true , but catherine was n't going to stand in the rain and argue with him . `` a change of scenery appealed to me at the time . '' she needed to get away from san diego for fear she 'd run into aaron . she would n't have been able to bear seeing him again . over time , she was n't nearly convinced that was true . she 'd fallen head over heels in love with him much too quickly . then she 'd flown out as a defense attorney for trials aboard the nimitz and returned several weeks later to learn aaron had n't exactly been holding his breath waiting for her . the first minute she was back , catherine had rushed to her fiance 's apartment to find him lying on the sofa with the young blond divorcee who lived next door . aaron had scrambled off the davenport in a rush to explain while the red-faced divorcee hastily rebuttoned her blouse . it had all been innocent fun , aaron claimed . hell , how was he supposed to amuse himself while she was away for weeks on end ? he advised catherine to be a sport since he and the blonde had only indulged in a little entertainment . in thinking back over the episode , catherine was surprised by how completely emotionless she 'd remained . the solitary diamond on her finger suddenly weighted down her hand . that much she remembered with ease . she 'd stared down on it and then wordlessly slipped it from her finger and returned it to aaron . for several moments he was paralyzed with shock . then he 'd followed her to the parking lot and pleaded with her to be more understanding . if it offended her so much , he 'd make sure it did n't happen again . there was no need to overreact this way . in retrospect catherine had come to realize that her pride had taken far more of a beating than her heart . she was almost relieved to have aaron out of her life , only she had n't realized that until much later . royce 's deep , masculine voice pulled her back into the present . to the best of her knowledge it was the first time he 'd ever used her name . until then it had been lieutenant commander or fredrickson , but never catherine . this , too , had a curious effect upon her heart . `` there was a man involved , '' she announced stiffly , `` but that was several years ago now . you need n't worry my former engagement will affect my work for you . now or in the future . '' `` i 'm pleased to hear it . '' `` good night , commander . '' they crested the hill where catherine 's bright red geo storm was waiting for her . trotting , catherine was halfway down the hill when royce stopped her . she turned around to face him , brushing the wet curls from her cheeks . `` are you living with someone ? '' the question took her by complete surprise . royce said nothing . he stood several feet away from her , his harsh features illuminated by the streetlight . his face was tight , as if he were holding himself in check . `` trust me , i have no interest in your love life . you can live with whomever you please or be engaged to five men at once for all i care . what does concern me is the legal department . the work is demanding and the schedule grueling . i like to know where i stand with my staff and try to avoid causing unnecessary complications in their lives . '' catherine did n't respond right away . `` since you find it so important , then i might as well confess i am shacked up with someone . ''

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`` four months is n't early , tully , '' mrs. mularkey said quietly . `` and people who have n't had a miscarriage always say that . it was what bud said to me . `` it never felt like much of a blessing to me . it felt like losing someone i loved . `` thanks , '' she said , squeezing mrs. mularkey 's shoulder , and then moving closer to the bed . `` now i know what not to say . i just wish i knew what would help . '' kate opened her eyes and saw them . mrs. mularkey stood up , moved next to the bed , standing shoulder to shoulder with tully . `` hey , '' kate whispered . `` how long until johnny- '' at her husband 's name , her voice cracked like an egg and she started to shake . tully spun around . he stood in the open doorway , carrying a bouquet of flowers that wilted slightly to the left . everything about him looked disheveled-his unshaven face was a contrasting palette of pale skin and stubbly black beard , his hair was a long , tangled black mess , and his eyes bespoke a bone-deep exhaustion . his levi 's were torn and dirty , his khaki shirt had more wrinkles than an unmade bed . `` i hired a private plane . it 's going to be a hell of a visa bill . '' he tossed the flowers on a chair and went to his wife . `` hey , baby , '' he whispered . `` it was a boy , '' katie said , bursting into tears , clinging to him . tully heard johnny start to cry with kate . mrs. mularkey came up beside her , slipped an arm around her waist . `` he loves her , '' tully said slowly . the memory of her night with johnny had somehow blinded her , trapped her like an insect in the sap of a forgotten time . she 'd imagined that kate was his second choice somehow , his miss runner-up to love . but this ... this was no second choice . mrs. mularkey pulled her away from the bed . come on , let 's leave them alone . '' they took their coffees and went out into the hallway , where mr. m. was sitting on an uncomfortable chair . when he looked up , his eyes were bloodshot . `` johnny 's with her now , '' mrs. m. said , touching his shoulder . for the first time in years , tully felt like an outsider in this family . `` i should be with her . '' `` do n't you worry , tully , '' mrs. m. said , watching her closely . `` she 'll always need you . '' katie 's married . you girls are on separate paths , but you 'll always be best friends . '' separate paths . there it was ; the thing she should have seen but somehow had n't . they took turns being with kate during the next few days . on thursday , it was tully 's time . she called in sick at work and spent the day with kate . they played cards and watched television and talked . most of the time , to be honest , tully just listened . when it was her turn to answer , she tried to say the right thing , but she was pretty sure she failed more often than not . there was a sadness in her friend now , a graying around the edges that was so foreign tully felt as if she 'd stumbled upon some negative version of their friendship . nothing she said was quite right . finally , around eight o'clock , kate said , `` i know you 'll think i 'm crazy , but i 'm going to bed . johnny will be home in an hour . go have wild , crazy sex with that new guy , ted . '' and i 'm not exactly in a make-out mood . then again ... '' smiling , she helped kate up the stairs and got her settled in bed . `` you do n't know how much i want to say the right thing to make you feel better . '' tully stood there a moment longer , feeling uncharacteristically impotent . with a sigh , she went back downstairs and started on the dishes . she was drying the last glass when the door opened quietly , then clicked shut . johnny stood there , holding a bouquet of pink roses . with his newly cropped hair and stonewashed jeans and his white adidas tennis shoes with the tongues hanging out , he looked about twenty years old . in all the years she 'd known him , he 'd never looked so sad and ruined . `` hey , '' he said , putting the flowers on the coffee table . `` how about an iv drip ? '' tully grabbed a bottle of scotch from the counter and made him a stiff drink , then she poured herself a glass of wine and went to him . `` let 's sit on the dock , '' he said , taking the glass from her .

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i glanced up at the other guys . `` me , '' a guy with short curly blond hair and pretty blue eyes said waving around a bill . `` you want a corona , right ? '' i asked reaching into the cooler and pulling out the drink he 'd ordered last time . she 's gorgeous and she remembers what beer i drink . then she opens the damn thing for me . '' i could tell he was teasing as he stuck a bill in my hand and took the beer from me . `` change is yours beautiful . '' i noticed the fifty as i stuck it into my pocket . these guys really did n't mind throwing money away . that was a ridiculous tip . i felt like telling him not to give me so much but i decided against it . they probably tipped like this all the time . one asked and i turned to see the dark haired one with an olive complexion waiting to give his order and hear my answer . `` blaire , '' i replied reaching into the cooler for the fancy beer he 'd requested . i popped the top and handed it to him . `` you got a boyfriend , blaire ? '' he asked , taking the drink from me while running a finger along the side of my hand in a caress . `` um , no , '' i replied , not sure if it might have been better to lie in this situation . the guy took a step toward me and held out his hand with the payment and tip inside of it . `` i 'm woods , '' he replied . `` it 's , uh , nice to meet you woods , '' i stammered in reply . the intense look in his dark eyes made me nervous . he could be dangerous and he reeked of expensive cologne . expertly bred . he was one of the beautiful people and he knew it . what was he doing flirting with me ? `` not fair , woods . back off , bro . you 're going all out with this one . just 'cause your daddy owns the joint does n't mean you get first dibs , '' the blond with curls kidded . woods ignored his friend and kept his focus on me . if i understood them correctly then woods daddy was my ultimate boss . i did n't need to be spending time the owner 's son . `` i work until close , '' i explained and handed the last of the four his beer and took his money . `` why do n't you let me pick you up and take you for something to eat ? '' woods said , standing very close to me now . if i turned around he would be only a breath away . `` it 's hot and i 'm already exhausted . all i will want to do is get a shower and crash . '' warm breath tickled my ear and i shivered as beads of sweat rolled down my back . `` are you scared of me ? i was n't sure what to do about him . i was n't good with the flirting and i was pretty sure that was what he was doing . no one had flirted with me in years . once i broke up with cain , my days had been consumed with school and then my mom . guys did n't bother with me . i 'm just not used to this kind of thing , '' i replied apologetically . i did n't know how to respond properly . i finally turned around to face him . and flirting . at least , i think that is what is happening . '' the smile that slowly stretched across woods face made me want to crawl under the golf cart and hide . `` yes , this is definitely flirting . and how is it that someone as fucking unbelievably hot as you is not used to this kind of thing ? '' i tensed at his words and shook my head . i needed to get to the sixteenth hole . `` i 've just been busy the past few years . if , uh , you do n't need anything else the golfers on the sixteenth hole are probably angry with me by now . '' woods nodded and took a step back . but for right now i 'll let you get back to work . '' i hurried back to the driver 's side of the cart and climbed in . the next hole was a bunch of retired men . i had never looked more forward to being leered at by old guys in my life but at least they did n't flirt . when i walked out to my truck that evening i was relieved to see no sign of woods . i should have known he was just teasing the help . i had made a couple of hundred dollars in tips today and i decided that treating myself to an actual meal was okay . i pulled into the drive-thru at mcdonalds and ordered a cheeseburger and fries . i ate them happily on the way back to rush 's . there was no car outside tonight . i would n't walk in on him having sex tonight . then again , he might have brought someone here in his car . i walked inside and stopped in the foyer .

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his wording didnt seem very diplomatically , no one left around the table wanted me to die . ill start , nay . nay , brad echoed . nay , seth said . nay , joseph agreed . we dont know that hell really kill her . she isnt much of a bargaining chip dead . the group took a second to ponder that thought , and then moved on . there were three more nays in a row . they were getting close to the point where they didnt have to finish , because the majority would already be met . aye , kyle said , breaking up the broken record . i dont want her to die , but someone has to speak for her . he received some glares from around the table , but he ignored them . i saw a double fudge cake in his future for trying to be the voice of reason . the voting went on as everyone else said nay , leaving nate last . i didnt know who they were voting to condemn for death , but i didnt like the idea . i was sure theyd be shocked that they went through the vote for nothing . about as shocked as i was that no one had picked up my presence . between the various connections i had with the group , and the mind readers among it , someone shouldve realized i was up . as everyone knows my answer will always be avery lives no matter what . im happy that i dont have to decide this myself . i have a feeling that the vote isnt going to be accurate , since were missing a few people . elan asked , sounding irritated that nate implied a decision wouldnt be reached until everyone had a chance to vote . even with the missing members the nays overwhelmingly win . true , but one members vote counts a little bit more than the rest of ours , nate informed them . i didnt know why hed taken so long to make my presence known , but i knew the member he referred to was me . shes up , isnt she ? how in the world is she blocking me ? it feels like shes still in her sleepy coma . she thinks shes pretty slick , though , which doesnt come as a surprise nate replied . kicking alana was a nice touch , my little butterfly . she deserved it and none of us couldve gotten away with it . my cover blown , i went ahead and opened the door , putting a stop to my spying . there were a lot of other things i wouldve liked to do , but i was trying to be subtle , so i could listen in a little longer without you guys noticing . i walked over and sat on his lap . his arms instantly wrapped around me and i felt safe and warm . it was amazing how small actions from nate made everything else in the world seem unimportant . i didnt know you were there until that moment . it was probably you using your powers that alerted me . did you learn to become a ninja while you were away ? not that i know of , but it was an interesting trip . i decided when i got up and found no one watching over me that i didnt want to be noticed , and somehow i went into stealth mode . you guys know how much i hate beating around the bush , which means i have two questions . what day is it and whos been kidnapped and held for ransom ? everyone around the table instantly looked down , and no one spoke up to fill me in , not even brad . it wouldve probably been best if i could take back the questions , but they were details i needed to know . chapter 19 comas really are a not nice word whoever had been kidnapped was as sticky subject , which only made it harder for me to figure out on my own . their conversation didnt make me think they were talking about one of my daughters , which was good . i wouldve killed them if they thought letting one of the girls die was okay . lets answer the easy one first . its exactly two months since we drove you into that spell , may first , nate said . holy crap , its may ? i said , not able to believe id been asleep that long . what in the world has gone on since ive been gone ? how many wild parties went on in my house ? i could tell no one was ready to speak up about the kidnapped person , so i was fine giving them a few minutes to settle into a discussion about what had been going on . eventually wed get to the point where they spilled their guts . sorry , sis , but wild parties werent our priority , although they wouldve been fun without you around making sure everyone was enjoying the appetizers . you passed out on us , leaving us to investigate the warlock alone . liam wasnt getting any good vibes , so our group stayed with you in the car while the others went in to investigate . at that point , we were pretty sure he set the spell and took off , rick said . and he did , but he left a note behind with a list of demands . i guess it wasnt much of a list .

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`` i 'm not familiar with mr. roberts , but if your description of him is accurate , then i very much doubt he 's managed to elicit as much as a blush from miss chilcott , which would mean that if she 's responding to you in the same manner that you 're responding to her , well heavens ! the poor girl must be terribly confused , perhaps even frightened by such an onslaught of emotion . '' anthony closed his eyes against the truth that shone in his mother 's eyes . her meaning was n't much different from what winston 's had been the previous evening , but her words were kinder . god help him , he felt like an ass . not only had he burst into miss chilcott 's life with his sudden need to claim her as his own , seeking out her house , investigating her identity and meeting with her parents , but in the space of one week he 'd kissed her three times and had fondled and pleasured her in a barn , for heaven 's sake . he had single-handedly turned her life upside down , had acted on his baser instincts and had felt affronted when she 'd asked him to walk away and leave her alone . `` i 've selfishly pursued her with no thought for what she might be going through , '' he muttered . `` well , i suppose the need for haste has been a factor for you , considering it really will be too late once she marries mr. roberts , and since he 's already been courting her for a year , i daresay he 'll propose soon-especially if he and the chilcotts feel a need to act quickly . '' `` i 've made a complete mess of it , '' anthony said , looking at his mother as if she could somehow give him the answer he needed to make miss chilcott his . `` i ca n't let her marry him , mama-not with this ... this bond that 's between us . i know it sounds ridiculous , but i feel it inside me , drawing me toward her . if she marries him , i 'll ... '' he expelled a deep breath and shook his head . `` there 's nothing strange about the way you feel , anthony , though i must admit that i 'm a bit surprised by just how quickly you fell for her . it was the same for me and your papa , you know-we saw each other for the very first time across a crowded room and there was this inexplicable pull . `` we both denied it at first-after all , love at first sight is a fantasy-but then we were introduced , and the more time we spent in each other 's company , the more impossible it became for us to ignore the way we felt about each other . '' she paused , tilting her head a little as she regarded her son . `` you love her , anthony , and the sooner you admit that to yourself , the better . '' `` no , i ... what i feel is the promise of love , mama . i do n't actually ... i mean i- '' `` is she constantly in your thoughts ? do you ache to be near her ? do you worry for her and what will become of her if she marries mr. roberts instead of you ? have you pondered what life will be like with her at your side ? what your children will be like ? would you risk your life to save hers ? would you sacrifice your own happiness for hers ? and what if something terrible were to happen to her , would you recover from it and go on with your life , or would it cripple you ? '' anthony could n't speak , so he just sat there staring back at his mother , who , in turn , offered him a knowing smile and nodded . he felt as if his chest was constricting-as if he could n't breathe . this feeling that suddenly swamped him was not in the least bit pleasant . in fact , it terrified him to death knowing that what his mother said was true , because this was far worse than the promise of love . he 'd actually gone and quite unwittingly fallen in love with a woman who , he doubted , felt the same way about him . hell , he knew she was drawn to him , but love ? what the devil was he going to do now ? by the time they arrived at his aunt and uncle 's estate , it was dark . two footmen came to greet them , each carrying torches to light the way . anthony helped his mother alight , and together they climbed the steps to the front door , where the butler waited . `` good evening , your graces , '' he said , taking their hats and gloves and handing them to an awaiting maid . `` the earl is in the library-right this way . '' as they followed the butler down a dimly lit corridor , anthony could n't help but reflect upon the note of relief that had tinged the butler 's voice as he 'd greeted them . he understood , however , the minute they entered the library . sitting in a deep armchair was his uncle , the earl of chester , staring off at some faraway place , concern and fatigue apparent in the dark patches beneath his eyes .

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never had she heard so many curses and oaths during a children 's game . by the time both men returned , they were breathing heavily and slapping one another on the back . `` a pleasure as always , your grace-less . '' benedict 's eyes glowered , his usual mask of anger , until a small smile began to tug at his lips . katherine knew that smile . it held secrets and manipulations . oddly enough , it looked exactly like the smile the old dowager had when she was planning on doing something malicious . not that she would ever tell benedict this , for fear that he would stop smiling altogether . `` speaking of graceless , did any of you happen to hear that commotion out in the corridor last evening ? '' to say the conversation took a definite change into uncomfortable territory would be an understatement . paisley laughed off the noise as if a vase had fallen , and lady anastasia looking so mortified she might have been ready to go up in flames despite the low temperatures . a change in subject was needed . but before katherine could open her mouth , lady anastasia requested some mulled cider , successfully pulling baldwyn away from the group , but not without giving katherine a chilly stare . `` care to skate , kate ? '' benedict held out his hand . `` promise to behave ? '' `` i 'm not sure i understand the definition of the word . '' `` no , behave . '' he smirked and tugged her body so close to his she began to perspire . `` i imagine there are many words you lack the experience of hearing . take for example- '' `` -tsk , tsk , katherine , do n't go spoiling our little outing , not after i 've been watching the wind pick up your skirts enough to glance at your ankles . think of the terrible mood you 'll put me in when you begin to repeat all the words i so despise hearing . '' i despise the word no . it is so final , so cruel . '' oh , the man was ridiculous . `` and when was the last time someone told you no , benedict ? if ever ? '' `` well , i recall a certain someone saying no to my proposal , and a certain someone also saying no to courting me , which i 'm still terribly distraught over . to think i missed any chances i would have had at being skillfully wooed by a woman . '' `` my heart aches for your loss , your grace . '' he stopped skating , and pulled her flush against his body . `` and what , do you think would cause it to beat , just a bit faster ? perhaps a kiss ? or mayhap , a tiny taste , right here i think . '' his hand reached out and touched her chin . `` i find myself fascinated with your skin here , maybe your heart shall begin to heal if i kiss right here . '' `` or ... '' katherine pulled away from him , feeling flirtatious . `` i 'll merely say the word you despise the most in all of the world , sending you into fits of hysteria . '' `` would n't be the first time you 've caused mental and physical harm . '' `` and dare i say it wo n't be the last . '' benedict threw his head back and laughed . it seemed to silence the skating around him , causing stares to come from every direction . suddenly uncomfortable , katherine blushed and darted next to his side . but he was n't totally balanced , he took a topple so hard that her own bum hurt . letting out a string of curses , he looked up at her from the ice and grimaced . katherine tried to keep from laughing . really she did , but the look on his face was so pouty , she could n't help but outright laugh at the picture he gave . benedict 's brows drew together , his lips forming a grimace and his face reddened just slightly . `` very funny , '' he hissed through his teeth as he tried to set himself to rights . with katherine 's help they were able to slowly make their way back to the bench where lady anastasia and paisley stood , mulled cider in hand . once benedict was safely on the bench , he smiled and refused to release katherine 's hand . `` how about a kiss for the wounded hero ? '' where , your grace ? all i see is the devil being brought back down to earth . '' paisley burst out laughing , then at benedict 's piercing gaze , found his mulled cider even more fascinating than before . benedict pulled her closer , but at that precise moment her skate caught on a chunk of ice . it felt as if her body was in slow motion , her arms flailing at her sides and then with a grimace she fell , but did n't touch the cold hard ice as she thought would happen . instead she was in the arms of the duke . the wrong duke .

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2059], ["court", 2081], ["courtest", 2081], ["courting", 2081], ["still", 2103], ["terribly", 2112], ["distraught", 2123], ["miss", 2148], ["missed", 2148], ["chance", 2160], ["chanced", 2160], ["chancing", 2160], ["chances", 2160], ["skillfully", 2197], ["woo", 2203], ["woos", 2203], ["wooed", 2203], ["woman", 2214], ["womans", 2214], ["heart", 2231], ["ache", 2237], ["ached", 2237], ["aches", 2237], ["loss", 2251], ["stop", 2280], ["stopped", 2280], ["skate", 2288], ["skates", 2288], ["skating", 2288], ["pull", 2301], ["pulled", 2301], ["flush", 2311], ["cause", 2369], ["beat", 2380], ["bit", 2393], ["bits", 2393], ["fast", 2400], ["perhaps", 2410], ["kiss", 2417], ["kisses", 2417], ["kissest", 2417], ["mayhap", 2429], ["mayhaps", 2429], ["tiny", 2438], ["taste", 2444], ["right", 2452], ["rightest", 2452], ["reach", 2487], ["reached", 2487], ["touch", 2503], ["touching", 2503], ["touched", 2503], ["chin", 2512], ["find", 2524], ["skin", 2557], ["maybe", 2570], ["shall", 2587], 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't is no way for genevieve to live , and she can not remain a prisoner in her chamber . '' he glanced up at teague and then looked between him and graeme . `` will you stay , teague , and carry out graeme 's wishes as to the fate of the clan and the lands ? i must return to montgomery keep and bear genevieve with me so that she will be safe . '' teague looked surprised and glanced at graeme to gauge his opinion . `` i 'm agreeable if you are , '' graeme said. `` 't is a lot to ask , but no more than i asked of bowen . you have a mess here . 't is no doubt on that matter . it 's going to require a strong hand and much patience . what say you , teague ? teague 's expression was solemn , but he nodded . `` i 'll not tolerate the ridiculousness that bowen has . 't is time someone took a much firmer hand with the lot of them . '' graeme 's eyebrows rose . `` i hardly call killing three of them having a light hand . some might say he 's been overly intolerant . '' `` they need to have the wits frightened from them , '' teague muttered . `` their women are nothing more than shrewish harpies intent on making everyone around them miserable , and their men are cowardly weaklings . '' graeme turned to bowen . `` perhaps 't is best if you send word to genevieve 's family and direct them to montgomery keep . tell them all , but allow them to meet her at our keep . their anger will be high if they 're forced to come to the clan responsible for all the harm done to their daughter . and , with the mchughs so hostile toward genevieve , 't is likely the mcinnises will come ready to go to war . i would n't blame them if they wanted to wipe the earth clean of the mchughs ' existence . if they ever did to a daughter of mine what they 've done to genevieve , i would not rest until i 'd shed every drop of their blood . '' `` aye , 't is the best course . i would remove her from this place immediately , '' bowen said . `` if you 'll transcribe my words to the mcinnis laird , i 'll send a messenger before we depart for montgomery keep . '' graeme nodded . i 'll write the message as you dictate it . i 'll accompany you back to our keep . it turns my stomach to remain here any longer . '' `` if you 'll excuse me , i 'll go to genevieve to see if she is all right and also to tell her of our departure , '' bowen said . `` i 'll dictate the letter to her kin , and we 'll depart at dawn tomorrow . '' chapter 36 genevieve stood by the fire , warming her still shaking , chilled hands . it was n't hard for her to imagine harboring such intense hatred for another . she despised ian and patrick mchugh with all her heart . but it baffled her that the mchugh clan held such animosity for her over something that was clearly not her doing . were it not for the reckless , selfish acts of ian mchugh , she would even now be married to another . but it burned in the back of her mind that were she married to another , she would never have met bowen and she would never have spent a precious night in his arms . 't was hard to say if she 'd accept all that she 'd endured in the past year for that one night , but the time spent loving him had gone a long way toward easing the pain and humiliation of ian 's abuse . her door opened and she turned to see bowen burst in and stride across the room toward her . she was in his arms in but a moment , and he squeezed her so tightly she could barely breathe . his hand went to her temple , grazing over the small cut , and then both hands swept over her hair , stroking , as if looking for any sign of injury . 't was obvious his brother had told him all . he demanded anxiously . `` teague told me what happened . a slight ache to my head , but 't is all . i was frightened , but teague set the matter to rights . '' he crushed her to his chest again and kissed the top of her head . `` i 'm taking you away from here . '' she was sure she could not have heard him correctly . was he finally placing her in an abbey as she 'd requested ? he carefully pulled her from his chest and stared intently at her , his gaze questioning . her breath stuttered over clumsy lips and she tried to smile , knowing she failed miserably . 't is what i 've said i wanted from the start . that you 'll see me well placed in an abbey is more than i could have dreamed . '' he frowned , his expression turning fierce. ``

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he loved to have a pretty woman waiting for him after a fight-even if he could n't remember her name . she waved back , and started walking toward him , her movements slow and seductive . mad dog slung the clothes bag over his shoulder and put on his hat and boots . `` got ta run , joe . see ya next year . '' `` you 're gon na spend all that money tonight , ai n't ya ? '' mad dog vaulted over the ropes and dropped onto the crisp grass . the woman ran over and threw her arms around him , hugging him with abandon . like hot , sexy nights in a featherbed . he loved women , all women , but especially the easy , alley-cat types who showed up for his fights . they cost him , but it was worth it . they laughed with him , kissed him , and undressed for him with ease-his money ensured it . and when he left , they waved good-bye with a smile . he grinned down into her beguiling , promise-laden blue eyes . suddenly , fleetingly , he wished he remembered her name-it was susannah or sunshine ... something that started with an s , but he could n't for the life of him recall what . she did n't expect him to remember it . that was the beauty of women like her . they did n't expect anything except gold coins and heavy breathing . `` mad dog ? '' she purred his name in a practiced , seductive voice that stirred all the hard , wet memories it was intended to . `` you going to stand around here all day ? '' he glanced down at the creamy swell of cl**vage and pulled her even closer . `` not a chance , darlin ' , '' he whispered against her small , soft ear . chapter one washington state september mad dog leaned back against the shuddering wall of the box car . the article he was writing about homeless-ness lay beside him , forgotten for the moment . wind clawed his face and raked his hair , curling the papery edges of his notebook . the metallic clackety-clack of the iron wheels vibrated up and down his spine . two short blasts of sound rose above the clattering of the train . the piercing wail hovered momentarily in the air , then melted into the puffing chugs of steam and disappeared . wheels locked with a clanging screech . another town . the words carried with them the familiar magic , the seductive allure of unopened gifts . he reached for his clothes bag . it was slumped in the corner of the boxcar , the patched , grayed fabric caved in on itself . there was next to nothing inside-just a faded change of clothes , a bedroll , and a few notebooks-but it was everything mad dog had . everything he needed . except food and money . it was too bad he had n't saved something from that last fight . just enough to get him a place in mexico , a few bottles of tequila , and a willing woman to keep him warm through the winter ... winter . he thumped his head back against the corrugated metal wall and closed his eyes . christ , he hated that word . it was one of the few things that actually depressed him . it was still autumn ; almost an indian summer , in fact . but yesterday 's warm sun did n't fool him . he 'd been drifting across this country for too long to be fooled by mother nature . winter , when the world was cold , the fields were fallow , and work was impossible to find . the season when homeless , unemployed vagrants like mad dog were found dead by the side of the road and thrown in markerless paupers ' graves by lawmen who did n't know what it felt like to be footloose and carefree ... or alone and hungry and filled with despair . he had to find work now , during harvest , while there was work to be found . there would be no more fairs until late spring , no way for his fists to earn the money he needed . he had no choice but to get a real job . the train whistle blew again , three short , sharp blasts . mad dog stuffed a half-finished editorial into his canvas bag and staggered to his feet . standing in the open doorway , he stared at the blurred brown landscape . particles of wind-driven dirt stung his eyes , turned into a gritty paste on his tongue . he rammed his battered stetson on his head and jumped . r he landed hard . pain ricocheted up his legs and throbbed in his knees . he groaned and staggered to his feet , brushing the dust from his levi 's . goddamn , sometimes it hurt to be free . he walked to the fringe of a town called lonesome creek and stopped . green fields fanned toward the horizon like a huge patchwork quilt , the color grafted by irrigation to a brown prairie that rolled into forever . in the distance , bluish gray hills rose into a sky so blue , it hurt the eyes .

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2719], ["warm", 2728], ["winter", 2747], ["thump", 2771], ["thumps", 2771], ["head", 2780], ["corrugate", 2808], ["corrugated", 2808], ["metal", 2814], ["close", 2830], ["closed", 2830], ["christ", 2848], ["hateed", 2859], ["hated", 2859], ["word", 2869], ["thing", 2900], ["things", 2900], ["depress", 2924], ["depressed", 2924], ["still", 2943], ["autumn", 2950], ["autumns", 2950], ["almost", 2959], ["indian", 2969], ["indians", 2969], ["summer", 2976], ["summering", 2976], ["fact", 2986], ["yesterday", 3002], ["yesterdays", 3002], ["sun", 3014], ["suns", 3014], ["sunned", 3014], ["fool", 3027], ["foolest", 3027], ["fooling", 3027], ["drift", 3053], ["drifting", 3053], ["across", 3060], ["country", 3073], ["long", 3086], ["longs", 3086], ["fool", 3099], ["foolest", 3099], ["fooling", 3099], ["fooled", 3099], ["mother", 3109], ["mothered", 3109], ["motherest", 3109], ["nature", 3116], ["world", 3142], ["cold", 3151], ["field", 3164], ["fielding", 3164], ["fields", 3164], ["fallow", 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["land", 4079], ["landed", 4079], ["pain", 4091], ["ricochet", 4102], ["ricocheted", 4102], ["leg", 4114], ["legs", 4114], ["throb", 4127], ["throbs", 4127], ["throbbed", 4127], ["throbbing", 4127], ["knee", 4140], ["knees", 4140], ["groan", 4153], ["groans", 4153], ["groanest", 4153], ["groaning", 4153], ["groaned", 4153], ["brush", 4190], ["brushest", 4190], ["brushing", 4190], ["dust", 4199], ["dusting", 4199], ["levi", 4213], ["levis", 4213], ["goddamn", 4226], ["hurt", 4246], ["hurts", 4246], ["hurting", 4246], ["free", 4257], ["walk", 4269], ["walked", 4269], ["fringe", 4283], ["call", 4300], ["called", 4300], ["lonesome", 4309], ["creek", 4315], ["creeks", 4315], ["stop", 4327], ["stopped", 4327], ["green", 4335], ["greens", 4335], ["fan", 4349], ["fanned", 4349], ["horizon", 4368], ["patchwork", 4390], ["patchworks", 4390], ["quilt", 4396], ["quilted", 4396], ["quilting", 4396], ["quiltest", 4396], ["color", 4408], ["graft", 4416], ["grafts", 4416], ["grafted", 4416], ["irrigation", 4430], ["prairie", 4449], ["roll", 4461], ["rolled", 4461], ["forever", 4474], ["distance", 4492], ["distancing", 4492], ["bluish", 4501], ["gray", 4506], ["grays", 4506], ["sky", 4528]]

`` jolene , '' he said . she pushed past him and went into the house , then limped into her bedroom . she turned to slam the door shut and stepped wrong , came down hard on her blisters , and a rage exploded inside of her , made her shake it was so powerful . suddenly she wanted the prosthesis off-off-she could n't stand looking at it . she leaned against the dresser and took it off , screaming as she threw it across the room . the ugly plastic leg hit a vase mila had given them last christmas , and the pretty blue and white chinese porcelain cracked into pieces . she started to laugh even though it was n't funny , was the opposite of funny , but she kept laughing . look , tam-no leg ! she wanted to sink to her knees , but she could n't do it . one of the many things she could n't do anymore . it took everything she had just to stand here , storklike , swaying . she laughed harder at that . then she realized she had to go to the bathroom and she 'd thrown her leg and the wheelchair was n't here and her crutches were in the mudroom . cursing , she hopped awkwardly forward , balancing on the furniture . in the bathroom , she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and looked away . her hands were shaking as she unbuttoned her jeans and shoved them down to her ankles . she realized too late that she was n't close enough to the toilet . she hopped closer , stepped down on one pant leg , and lost her balance ; her ankle twisted . falling sideways , she grabbed the towel rack . it ripped out of the wall , and she crashed to the floor , hitting her shoulder on the edge of the sink hard enough to make her cry out . she lay there for a moment , dazed , her shoulder and ankle throbbing , and suddenly she was screaming in frustration . michael knelt beside her , touched her face . `` baby , '' he said softly , in the voice she had once loved-still loved-and it made her feel so lonely and lost she could n't stand it . `` baby , '' he said again , and suddenly she was crying . she tried to stop , to hold back these useless , useless tears and be strong . michael took her in his arms and held her tightly , stroking her hair . once she 'd started to cry , she could n't stop . great , gulping sobs wracked her body , shook her like a rag doll until her nose was running and she could n't breathe . she cried first for tami , but then it was for everything she 'd lost , all the way back to her parents , and even before that , for the family she 'd longed for as a child and never had . she cried for smitty , and her lost career and her missing leg and her best friend and her marriage . when she finally came back to herself , she felt weak , shaky . she drew back and saw that michael was crying , too . he gave her an unsteady smile and she needed it-needed him . telling herself anything else was a lie . `` i take it you need to go to the bathroom . '' only she could have the breakdown of her life on the bathroom floor , with her jeans down around her ankles . he got up and picked her up as if she weighed nothing and set her on the toilet , then he reached over and unspooled a wad of toilet paper , handing it to her like a perfect white rose . she 'd peed in front of him a thousand times in their marriage , but now the act felt painfully intimate . she thought about asking him to leave and changed her mind . whatever was happening now between them , she did n't want to ruin it . she flushed the toilet when she was done . he knelt in front of her , helped her pull her panties back up . she saw him look at her gel-socked stump and felt sick to her stomach . he would look away now ... instead , he slowly peeled off the gel sock , and there it was-the ugly , rounded stub of her once-beautiful leg . he leaned forward and kissed the bright pink scar . when he looked up , she saw the love in his eyes-there was no denying it anymore . impossible as it seemed , he 'd fallen in love with her again . she 'd known on that day in the courtroom , had n't she ? known it and feared it . `` no arguments , '' he whispered , then he picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom . she expected him to set her down on her bed , but he kept walking , out of her room and up the stairs . `` our bed , '' he said , climbing the stairs with her in his arms . all the way up the stairs she thought of why it was a bad idea for them to make love .

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caroline did her best to hold her head high and blankly stared at the wall as delia handed eddie two bottles of water and disappeared again . `` come upstairs with me for a minute . '' caroline followed eddie up the stairs to what she guessed was his office . he motioned for her to sit on the brown leather sofa . he closed the door and pulled up a matching brown leather chair directly in front of her so they were sitting face-to-face . he reached for her hands and her first instinct was to withdraw , but she did n't . she was still angry , but stuck with nowhere else to go , and her perseverance was defeated . deep down she wanted to like him , and he was making it really hard not to with his compassionate regard . she did n't want her efforts to be a total waste . after all , she had driven ten hours to get here , and there was still trevor 's condition to fulfill . she talked big , but she loved trevor and did n't want anything to stand in their way of happiness . besides , despite her anger with his arrogant line of questioning , she desperately wanted to hear what her dad had to say . eddie held her hands and spoke gently , looking her in the eyes the entire time . `` i 'm really sorry for my behavior earlier . the last thing i want to do is push you away with unwelcome interrogation . i owe you an explanation , and i appreciate you offering your time to allow me that luxury . '' caroline scoffed . it was n't like she had much of a choice . her car was axle deep in swampy mud and she had no idea where the nearest hotel was . eddie noticed her reaction and added , `` i realize your choices were limited , but i believe fate brought you here . that there was a reason you were n't able to leave . this is my second chance and i really want to make things right . '' he waited until she looked up to permit him to continue . `` i wish i had a legitimate and logical explanation for why i left you and your mother . i would love to be able to blame it on my job , or my family , or some other completely understandable reason for leaving the two most important people in my lifebut i ca n't . i honestly have no good or decent explanation for you . i was young , stupid , scared , inexperienced , selfish , you name it . i should n't have left , and if i could go back and change any part of it i would . `` your grandmother had been diagnosed with breast cancer right after we filed for divorce , so i knew your mother would want to go back to arkansas to be with her . my father was preparing me to take over our family business , so even if we had n't divorced , there was no way i could go with your mother . i did n't fight for joint custody , not because i did n't want you , but because i did n't want to make you suffer by stretching you between two families , two statesbeing torn between who you spent time with . `` i promise you not one single day of my life passed without me thinking about you . not a moment when i did n't regret not staying with your mom , or at least trying to work out some sort of joint custody . i knew emily was fully capable of taking care of you , so i just . .let you go . i offered to give her money , but she told me she did n't want or need anything from me . i sent her some anyway in the mail , but the letters would come back unopened . she knew me well enough to know what was in the envelope , i suppose . '' eddie stared at their hands and caroline practically saw the painful memories flashing across his face . `` leaving you was the hardest and dumbest thing i 've ever done . i had a birthday card for you stamped and ready to send every year for ten years , but i never sent them . i thought it would be easier on you if i never existed . i assumed your mother would move on and remarry , and if i never intruded then you would n't know me enough to miss me . i will never forgive myself for all the precious memories i missed out on and will never be able to get back . '' caroline intended to be tough on him , hard and not easily swayed , but he made it difficult with his tenderness and sincerity . `` why did you and my mom not work out ? was i the reason you left ? was i the reason you could n't get along ? '' caroline felt her throat tighten and cursed herself for being so sensitive . she did n't want to let him off the hook quite so easily , but she really wanted to believe him , and her unshed tears were weakening her resolve . `` caroline , honey , absolutely not ! we were both very young and immature . honestly , she grew up like she was supposed to , and i did n't . i am so terribly sorry i left you .

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and he could n't wait another second . dex plunged in again and let himself go . a shout tore from his chest . his back bowed as every drop of come erupted from his body with unstoppable force . the orgasm felt like it went on forever . finally sated , his shaking arms gave way , and he collapsed onto hannah , utterly surrounded by her softness . dex rested his head against her breast , listening as her heartbeat gradually slowed . this was what he 'd longed for all of his freaking life . unconditional acceptance , peace . `` would you really have let me go home ? '' hannah 's voice was breathless . we would have let you go home , but you would have taken two bodyguards with you . '' dex smiled . hannah 's nipple stood all pretty and pink , inches from his mouth . he lifted up long enough to kiss it . if you went home , you had to accept the protection we gave you . but that deal is n't available anymore . you 're staying with us , hannah . she continued to stroke his hair , and he had to bite back a satisfied groan . he was the master , but right now , she was the one with all the power . i was just surprised that you 'd let me go home with two men ... wait , you were going to be my bodyguards , were n't you ? '' dex looked up , and she wore the cutest pout on her face . he grinned at slade . `` she 's a smart one . '' `` we had already cleared our schedules . '' `` you two move fast , '' hannah groused . `` you had a plan in place before i even walked out of the room . '' we 'll never take chances where you 're concerned . '' dex rolled off her and quickly disposed of the condom . she did n't need to get crushed under his weight . and he had the feeling his brother was about to stake his claim in a far more physical way . `` before you say anything else , i need to tell you something , '' hannah said , sitting up in the middle of the bed cross-legged . her blonde hair fell in loose curls around her shoulders , cascading down her arms . he 'd thought she was beautiful before , but sitting here , nak*d , her skin glowing , she was nothing short of a goddess . we 'll always listen . '' slade sat up behind her , cupping her shoulders and angling her to face him . she hesitated , as if uncertain how to proceed . but ... i 'd be lying if i said i did n't have feelings for gavin , too . i do n't really know how this kind of relationship works . or how you want it to work . i wo n't jeopardize what we have . but i want to be honest . '' dex shared a long look with slade . despite the differences he and gavin had , dex did n't want to lose his brother . and he feared he was . but gavin belonged with them-and with hannah . dex had only briefly known the gavin who existed before nikki 's death . he 'd been serious about work , but had made the time for his brothers in those days . gavin had been the one to pay for dex 's college and offer him a place in the family . they might argue from time to time , but gavin was his brother . dex had always assumed they 'd work through their issues someday and truly be a family . `` we should probably talk about that , darlin ' . '' dex clasped her hand . slade brushed her hair from her cheek and took over . `` gavin is in love with you , too , hannah . i ca n't tell you how happy it makes me to hear that you have feelings for him . we want him to share this happiness with us . his past has n't always been an easy one . we 'll have to move slow with gavin , but i think he 'll be worth it . '' if hannah had been in love with any other man , dex would rip the bastard 's heart out in an instant . but if hannah could save gavin from whatever dark path he stalked down alone , dex would lock them in a room together and not let them out until gavin stopped lying to himself about his feelings . `` three men . '' `` i guess that when i go wild , i really go wild . '' slade twisted on the bed and was on top of hannah in an instant . `` another reason we love you . i think it 's time you went wild again , love . '' he reached for a condom and spread her legs . dex watched , his own c*ck hardening again as slade captured her mouth , eased inside her p**sy , then possessed her so completely that she screamed , sobbed , and finally sighed contentedly in his arms .

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as soon as she got settled , thorpe stood , using his height advantage . he looked urbane enough , but under that expensive white dress shirt and impeccable chocolate slacks , she saw lots of muscle . he pinned her with a piercing stare , as if trying to read her mind . a ruthless one who did n't blink as he tore out a young girl 's heart . thorpe stroked his close-cropped beard . `` have you changed at all since high school , agent jacobs ? '' she knew where he was going , and she 'd have to cut short that line of thinking . `` one hopes we 've all matured since high school , but fundamentally , some things about a person remain the same , no matter how 'grown up ' they are . '' `` distant past aside , do you have any current objections to logan ? '' what about the trust issue ? there 's no way i can put myself completely in his hands while i learn to say 'sir ' and 'please ' every half second . i know agent york needs quite a bit of training before he can assume the role , and i 'm fully aware that time is of the essence . i 'll be happy to have anyone train me . except mr . edgington . '' his mouth twitched , and he looked like he was suppressing a smile . she did n't need this a**hole to be amused at her expense . his quiet demand snapped in the air like a whip . `` do you have any current objections against logan ? he 's a highly decorated navy seal with eight solid years in this club . i trained him myself , so i know very well who he is and what he 's like . god , logan had gotten into this stuff a couple years after high school ? what need of his did it feed ? he was n't her problem . `` his military service , while admirable , is of no comfort to me . his training , while i 'm sure thorough , ca n't make up for the fact that i distrust him . and i ca n't change how i feel . mr. thorpe , you 're the best in the region , and the bureau hired you to prepare me for this field mission- '' `` they did , '' he cut in . `` and i am trying to live up to my end of the contract . it 's been frustrating to axel that you 've been resistant and bratty all week . uncooperative . '' determined to remain professional , tara refused to betray her anger . i 've been here , half dressed and on my knees , for ten hours a day , every day . i 've spent my nights and weekends researching the lifestyle-reading , interviewing , whatever necessary to increase my knowledge . '' he acknowledged her with a nod . `` physically , you 've done as asked . intellectually , you 've got the fundamentals . mentally and emotionally , you 've erected walls against participating in the power exchange . a shame , really , denying your submissive nature . '' there was that ridiculous assertion again . just like bocelli , thorpe did n't know her at all . `` mr. thorpe , my nature is n't up for discussion . i 'm here to learn whatever i need to fake it and rescue agent miles . '' `` 'faking it ' probably got agent miles captured . a dom worth his salt can dig out a sub 's true desires quickly . if she 's not genuine about embracing her need to please her master , he 'll know . if you truly want to help your fellow agent , focus on finding the true sub within you . '' his words wrapped around her neck like a vise grip and choked . her stepfather had always called her a pleaser , which was why she 'd allowed logan to take advantage of her . of course she liked the idea of a man who knew her , body and soul , and fulfilled every dark fantasy . nor could she deny having a bondage fantasy or two . but that hardly made her submissive . the thought of giving up her free will entirely to another ... tara shuddered inwardly . still , being here at dominion was about the friend she 'd gone to college with , first gotten drunk with , shared holidays , beauty tips , illness , and breakups with . it had nothing to do with logan . `` i will do my best to embrace the role . i will work harder to internalize whatever i must before going undercover . but please , i 'm asking you to find anyone else but mr . thorpe sat on the edge of the desk , hovering . no doubt , he knew that the way he towered over her discomfited her . `` a pretty plea ... but no . first , i wo n't let you top from the bottom . '' `` i am not manipulating a dom to get my way . '' at that , he sent her a sly , white grin . `` you are-and if you were mine , i 'd paddle you for that lie .

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after letting max out the back door of the breakfast room , alex pulled out his phone and dialed darian , making a mental note of the time . his friend mumbled into the phone . hey , d. did i wake you ? of course , but whats up ? its nine . did you want to play squash or something later ? how extensive is the security at the radio station ? darian was a little taken aback by his friends obvious intensity about something that shouldnt concern him . alex , its standard . we have computer-controlled locks and keycard access on the outside doors and again on those that separate the studios and offices from the lobby . very funny , alex returned in a dry tone . no , but i think cameras should be installed in the parking lot and a guard in place after hours . he already knew where this was going and was surprised , but then again it was angel . its not safe for angel to be what ? are you with her now ? darians laugh made alex bristle . that was fast , even for you . unwilling to analyze the relationship or his feelings , alex pressed for an answer . about the security shes only there one evening a week , alex . you cant expect look , alex interrupted impatiently . if its about money , ill pay for it . i can have the head of security at avery call you and work it out . darian sighed . alex was being irrational for the first time in his life . you know im not in a position to do it . i dont own the station , and security isnt part of my job . well , whose damn job is it , then ? alex asked shortly . there were hoods around her car friday night , d. its the companys responsibility to protect its employees . i want it done before her next show . ill talk to the general manager , but i cant promise anything will come of it . hell think ive lost my marbles , like you apparently have . you cant just pay for the stations security . its unreasonable and , frankly , it looks suspicious even if i explain that my best friend has the hots for one of our talent . again , the comedian . im serious , alex growled . if the gm needs to talk to me about it , then give him my number . i cant just transfer funds from avery to kiss for legal reasons , so work out some type of sponsorship of an event or something . jesus , alex . did you lie awake all night thinking up this shit ? a flash of white in his peripheral vision made alex turn to find angel coming into the room wearing the white dress shirt hed left hanging on the bathroom door . her long legs were tanned and toned , and she was pushing her cascading hair off of her face with both hands . his body twitched at the sight before him . it wont be today . its the weekend , relax . it was his only answer before he shut off the phone and tossed it carelessly on the marble countertop . angels eyes raked over the delicious picture he made , leaning up against the counter with his feet crossed in front of him . he was dressed only in dark designer jeans , the top button left open made her lick her lips as it hinted of the pleasure still fresh in her mind . despite her resolve , it was impossible to resist his potent allure . he was strong and sexy , the muscles playing beneath the smooth skin of his chest and shoulders , the abs toned and defined . remembering how her fingers had skimmed over his hard body the night before , she had to shake herself to keep from staring , biting her lip involuntarily . he smirked , taking her in his arms when she was within reach . her hands curled around his forearms , and her head tilted back so she could look into his eyes . alex didnt miss the opportunity and soon his mouth was tasting and teasing hers . he whispered , as he ran soft kisses from her chin up to her cheekbone and then her temple . angels eyes closed as his hot breath rushed over her skin . when we finally slept , like a rock . mmmm , it felt so good . his fingers rubbed soft circles on the skin of her lower back through the fine cotton of his shirt , every touch reinforcing the strong connection that neither was ready to relinquish . i wan na get up he teased , pulling her against his body as her hands slid up his arms and over the smooth skin of his shoulders . the sex is incredible . angel stiffened and pulled away , but alex wasnt ready to let her go and pulled her back to him . no denying your mad skills . mmm , yes , its indescribable , but im not just talking about that . i like you here . i find it unexpected . he coaxed another soft kiss or two from her mouth before releasing her and removing two coffee cups from the cupboard . he held one up and pointed to it with his index finger . yes , thank you , alex .

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you have to be grateful for the moment . never live in fear of the next . everything that happens is just an event . it is no more important than the event before or after , yegor preached . that kid got shot ! hell be alright , yegor dismissed . his lack of concern for the victim was alarming but it made sense to him . he wasnt going to spend any of his moments on sympathy . to him , the kids fate was out of his hands one way or the other . i want to know about you , he continued . well , my dad is a truck driver and my mom is a homemaker . she runs the youth council at her church now . we , my sister and i , had a regular life . we played with the neighborhood kids , watched wrestling , went to school and off to college , i said . so you are college educated ? yegor asked intently . learning was one of his few passions in life . i studied liberal arts . i couldnt find a job so i started working at kinkos . i was going insane there and decided to up and move to memphis and start over . wrestling is something i always knew i could do . im glad i made that decision . very glad , i said as i squeezed his arm tight as we locked eyes . wrestling is a tough business . youre a smart girl and you know that . but you have to learn . its a business where you can not stop studying . its all about people . if you can not read people then you will not make it , he proclaimed . so why were you having such a hard time getting a crowd reaction ? i wasnt letting it come through . a part of me still holds on to that feeling . you cant understand , he replied , then continued , when i was in www everything was different . i was being pushed hard . kids wore my t shirt . i thought everything was going to continue on that path , then it just happened . after the injury the push ended . i was just another guy . slowly but surely they gave up on me . but ill prove them wrong . ill prove them all wrong . what are you going to do differently when you get back down there ? i wont know until im in the moment . but it will be something magnificent , he boasted . we turned a corner and there was his apartment building about two blocks away . the walk went by quicker than we expected . yegor turned face-to-face with me . you are going to stay over ? i couldnt tell if it was a statement or a question . either way the answer was yes , of course . we approached his apartment slowly as we enjoyed every moment of the end of our evening walk . the night was capped off with an amazing love making session . there was no music , no grunts , no candles , none of that . our time together was just skin-to-skin , uncut , passion . i clinched his strong back for what felt like hours as every thrust was deeper than the previous . every kiss lasted longer than the one before . everything was in a word , perfect . when two people have a connection you dont need all of the bells and whistles . thats one of the things i was beginning to learn . *** the feeling in the air was pretty somber that following monday as training started . that was some crazy stuff , mark said , then went on , im just glad you two werent hurt . i already called the kids family and arranged to send him some of my classic memorabilia . his family seemed pretty stoked about it . im just glad no one was killed , i said . i was still shaken up by the whole ordeal . it showed as i moved around with a heavy heart . a lot was on my mind . thoughts of mortality , friendship , love , whatever yegor and i had , and the uncertainty of my career all swirled in and out of my consciousness . i couldnt find the ability to focus on what i was doing . my workout suffered . yegor , where did you get off trying to fight ? next time that happens just give it up . i know youre a tough guy but tough guys get killed all the time , mark said to the bearded one . yegors mindset was night and day compared to mind . in russia , we fight , yegor proclaimed . he was already over the situation . mark dropped it . he was smart enough to know this conversation wasnt going anywhere . well guys , if you want to cut it short we can ride over to the hospital around lunchtime . i talked to the kids family and they said that hes alright . he just had a wound to the leg . they did surgery last night . hes going to be alright . they expect him to bounce back in about four to six weeks . yegor cut his eyes at me . everything was out of our control . sure , we can ride over there . its the least we can do , he said to mark . the last time id been in one was when my niece was born .

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will stifled the impulse to race out the door in pursuit . he had no idea what the guy looked like . the street would be full of people on a saturday night , and whoever it was would have melted into the crowd by now . amanda pulled off the rest of the styrofoam . will stared at the ceramic planter in the shape of a pair of jeans . the fly on the jeans was open to allow a penis-shaped cactus to protrude upward . in a different context , especially after a few drinks , it could be sort of funny . will was n't laughing . `` not much question what he 's after , is there ? '' `` just remember that he wo n't succeed . '' will began to think in terms of available weapons . his mere presence in her apartment might not be deterrent enough . `` was there a card this time ? '' she peered into the box . `` yeah , there 's a card . '' she drew in a breath and took it out . the front was a picture of a guy leering at a curvaceous blonde . across the top of the card was lettered valentine , you could use some bed rest . trembling , amanda put her hand over the card . `` i do n't want to look inside . he slid it out from under her hand , opened it , and read silently . you provide the bed and i 'll do the rest . underneath was a printed message . get rid of the nerd or i 'll do it for you . what you need is a real man . your secret valentine . he closed the card , folded it , and shoved it in his pocket . amanda gazed at him and swallowed . we 'll take some extra precautions when we get back to the apartment . '' i do n't have a gun or anything . '' neither did will . and he was beginning to wonder if that was a serious omission on his part . but buying a gun would n't help if he 'd never shot one in his life . `` we 'll figure out a strategy . and i can guarantee we 're a hell of a lot smarter than this bastard . '' there was a problem with that logic , but the color was returning to her cheeks so he did n't mention it . he had no doubt that he was smarter than the valentine stalker . but the stalker was obviously a little crazy . crazy people were unpredictable , and unpredictability could make hash out of any strategy , no matter how smart it might be . `` i 'm glad about one thing , '' amanda said . `` that we 'll be sleeping in the same bed tonight . '' twenty-five although amanda shivered every time she looked at the planter , she managed to pass the thing off as a joke . not surprisingly , gloria loved it . she was the first one with the nerve to touch the cactus . it turned out to be artificial , with soft needles . that did n't soothe amanda , but it made other people far braver . justin , who seemed determined to impress gloria with his worldliness , disappeared into the men 's room and came out with a condom . accompanied by enthusiastic encouragement from those at the bar , he opened the packet and rolled the condom onto the cactus . several customers wanted to know where they could get a planter exactly like it , and one woman remembered seeing them on sale at a drugstore chain . someone else used his cell phone to go online to find a source there . soon everyone was ordering a cactus planter like amanda 's , which broke up the singing of rounds . other than coming over while she opened the box , will had made himself scarce during the night . he was n't acting much like her pretend boyfriend , but maybe that was n't important anymore . having a boyfriend had n't discouraged the valentine stalker . instead the stalker was becoming more aggressive . now he 'd contacted her at gloria 's office , at home , and here at geekland . he 'd covered every place except the university , and she was only there a couple of hours each morning , so he might not think it was worth pursuing her at that location. ' to keep herself from freaking out , she drew on her training in psychology . if the stalker was a bully , he would be intimidated by anyone with the courage to stand up to him . thinking of him as a bully who would fade away when confronted helped . but there was also a chance he suffered from a personality disorder . he could be delusional . in that case , standing up to him would do no good . he would only reframe her response to fit into his current fantasy . he had a plan , and he would follow it through to whatever conclusion he envisioned . she hoped that sex was the only thing on his mind . that was bad enough , but not quite as scary as the alternative .

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