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Write a joke about the following category | Children | A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me." "Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.' 'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.' 'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted. 'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.' |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.''You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.'' |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."The blonde shouts, "fire!!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 25." |
Write a joke about the following category | Military | An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?" The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..." The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!" The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?" The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!" The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk into a bar. For the sake of brevity, each one orders her drink with an abbreviated code word. The brunette walks up to the bartender and says, "Hey give me an ML." The bartender nods his head and hands her a Miller Lite. Following her, the redhead walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a BL." Giving her a nod, the bartender pulls up a Bud Lite. Last, the blonde walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a Fifteen." "A Fifteen?" the bartender replies, "What the hell is that?" "Oh, you know," the blonde says, "A Seven and Seven." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she's angry! She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!" "Shut up," she says, "You're next." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???" The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage." The girl says, "O.K., How much will you pay me?" The man says, "How much does fifty bucks sound?" The blonde quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says, "50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!" 25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, "O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?" Surprised the man replies, "O.K. Let me get the money" He comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, "By the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porch!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.""Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to yourother ear?""The jerk called back!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he'd been recommended to paint him in the nude."No," the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing.""But what if I double your fee?" he pleaded."Nope, sorry. Won't do it.""How about I give you five times what you normally get?""Oh, okay then," said the artist, "but I'm keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven. God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell." So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell. Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell. On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I must have left my baby on the bus!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep.""I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.""Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!""I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!""That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers. Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?" The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team, down below, is wooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, and she decides to investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds the blonde team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching the seats in frount of them with white knuckles. "Whats goimg on up here?" asks the brunette. "We're having a great time downstairs!" "Yeah," screams a terrified blonde, "but you've got a driver!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde motorist was two hours from Sydney when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the blonde's car and asked, "Are you going to Sydney?""Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?""Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to Taronga Park Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble.""I'd be happy to," said the blonde.So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of Sydney when suddenly he was horrified. There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde."What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.""Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but just as we arrived it looked like it was going to rain so we decided to see a movie instead." |
Write a joke about the following category | Office Jokes | A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know? The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date. The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS. Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager. Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign "If I catch you, you're mine." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them back in." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?". "Yes.... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..." She does. "Take it out..... go ahead." She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead... do it..." She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.The redhead says, "What's so funny?"The blonde says, "Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There's a blonde, a red head and a brunette all on death row. They are all out in the desert about to be executed. First up is the brunette. The shooter counts; 1, 2, 3..., and the brunette yells out,"Tornado!" Everybody turns around to see the tornado and the brunette runs away.Next up is the red head. The shooter counts; 1, 2,3..., and the red head yells out," Flood!" Everybody turns around to see the flood and the red head runs away. Next up is the blonde. The shooter counts; 1,2,3...,and the blonde yells,"Fire!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bagbehind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.Signed - "The Blonde"She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 ina brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Alsoinside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would dothis to another." |
Write a joke about the following category | Military | This guy goes to sit at his plane seat in first class, and finds a blonde there. He says, excuse me miss, but this is my seat. She replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I have a great body and I'm going to Florida. So the guy calls the stewardess over to help him. He explains the situation to the stewardess, and the stewardess says, miss, your seat is in coach, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave first class. The blonde response, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I have a great body, and I'm going to Florida. The stewardess then goes to get the captain to help her, and the captain asks the blonde to please leave first class, and go back to coach. The blonde response, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I have a great body, and I'm going to Florida. The captain thinks about this for a minute, then whispers something in the blondes ear. As soon as he does, she gets up and goes back to coach.. The stewardess is amazed. What did you say? The captain replies, I told her first class doesn't go to Florida. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!" "Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it...." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing."But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms"."No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity. When she arrived at the place, the man said "Well, there's only one helicopter here, and it only has one seat, if I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?" "Oh of course! I can handle it" the blonde replied. Well, he showed her the inner-workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way, only asking that she radio in every 400ft. just to make sure everything was going smoothly. at 400ft, she radioed in saying "wow! this is so much fun!" At 800 ft. She radioed in again saying "this is pretty easy, I can do this all day!" At 1200 ft. She didnt. he waited and waited, and didn't hear from the blonde! seconds later he heard a crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what happened, the blonde crashed! Luckily she survived, "what happened?" he exclaimed. "Well, I was doing fine, but, I started to get cold, so I just turned off the big fan!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven. God says, "There are 3,000 steps and i'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell." So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell. Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell. On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate. Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "i just got the first joke!". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There are three people: a blonde named Stacy, a red-head named Mary, and a guy named Jack.One day Mary says "I think we should rob a bank." And everyone agrees.So the next week after much planning they all set it up. "Now remember me and Mary are going to circle around for two minures, got it?" Says Jack, "Okay." Says Stacy.They drive away and two minutes pass and they come back. Stacy hasn't come out. 3 minutes pass, 4 minutes pass, 10 minutes pass, and after 11 minutes Stacy comes runing out with a safe that has been tied up and a guard with his pants down chasing after her. Stacy jumps in the car and they drive off. Imidietly Mary says, "I told you to blow the safe and tie up the guard!!!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Q & A Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee? A: It hurts their teeth. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish? A: She tried to drown it. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747. Q. why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? A. because she heard the drinks were on the house. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Three girls are walking in a magical forest. Suddenly, a witch comes out of the woods, and tells them: "Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".The first girl, a brunette, says:"I think I am a very kind and toughtfull person".*Pooph*- she disappears. The second girl, red-haired, says:"I think i am very sexy".*Pooph*- she also disappears.The third girl, a blonde, says:"Well, I think..."*Pooph*- she is gone... |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | An Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?? The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzles spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. He turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosties back in the box." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | This blonde had a near death experience the other day. She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving. She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground. She started screaming, and was in great pain. Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Three blondes walk into a forest and soon find a pair of tracks.The first blonde says: "I think they're deer tracks."The second blonde says: "No, I think they're bear tracks."The third blonde says: "You're both wrong! They're bird tracks!"Then they get hit by a train. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A man walks in to an auto store and askes the blonde cashier where the turtle wax is. the blonde says,"i'm sorry sir, but we don't sell pet supplies." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side.The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get to the other side?"The other blonde looks up and then down the river and yells back:"You are on the other side!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag. 1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?" 2nd blonde: "Chickens." 1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?" 2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!" 1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all theother girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tanktop to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...". Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..." The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears. She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?""NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE! |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...". Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..." The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears. She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?" "NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: "Do you know where you were going?" Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. "Honey, are you okay?" he asks her. "Yes" she replies. "Then what are you doing?" he asks. "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and I wanted to do it by painting the house." she replies. "Then why are you wearing a ski jacket over a fur coat?" he asks. "Well," she replies "I was reading the directions on the paint can and it said..... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works."I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?""What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump."It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumblingfor a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde."It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration."I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?""Yes." replied the officer"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher"Uh... yes." replied the cop."Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop."Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyser. |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has neverbeen on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at theblonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for amoment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head escaping from jail. The brunette ran up a tree and a police officer yells "who is there?" and the brunette says "tweet tweet". So the police officer walks away. Then, the redhead runs up the tree and the police officer says "who is there?" and the red head says "meow" so the police officer walks away.So the blonde runs up the tree and the police officer says "who is there?" the blonde says "moooo" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Once a Blonde and a brunette were watching the news when they saw a man at the top of a building threatening to jump off. The Brunette said "I bet you fifty bucks he's going to jump off, what do you say?" The Blonde said "sure," They watched carefully for 10 minutes when the man jumps off. The Blonde hands over the 50 bucks and says "good job," The brunette looks guilty and says "I'm sorry, here's your fifty bucks back, I saw the earlier showing and I knew the man was going to jump off," then blonde says "don't worry, I saw it too, I just didn't think he'd do it again," |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Santa Vlause, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde were all walking down the street when they all spotted a 100$ dollar bill. Who do you think got it? No one because the first four dont exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A cop was driving down a country road when he saw a car in the ditch. He got out of his car to see if anyone was in the car. A blonde popped her head out the window and said "Thank god officer! I got in an accident!" The officer replied with "Well I can see that! Are you okay?" The blonde looked forward and said "Well yeah... I think so." Then the officer looked around and said "Miss.... your car looks like an elephant stepped on it. How did you crash?" The blonde looked at him and said "It was so strange. I was driving down the road and out of nowhere a tree jumped infront of me, so I swerved to the other side and another tree was in the way, so I swerved again, but another one was there again, so one last time I swerved to the other side, but the damn tree got me, and caused me to go in this ditch!" The officer started to laugh hard. "Whats so funny?" The blonde asked. The officer took a second to catch his breath then said "Miss, theres no trees on this road for miles ahead. That was your car air freshner swinging back and forth!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked herwhat had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened toyour other ear?" "The jerk called back!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Once, a blonde decided to ride a horse. She was riding quite pleasantly on a trail in a field until the horse speeded up. He was going faster and faster, and soon she felt herself slipping. Her head was just about to hit the ground... Then the Wal Mart manager ran to turn off the horsey ride. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde." The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde walks into an appliance store and starts to look around. She then asks the clerk,"Can I have that television set over there." The clerk looks at her and says no. This confuses her. She then asks why? The Clerk responds,"Because you are a blonde." The blonde woman walks out with an idea on how to get that television. She then returns with a wig full of red hair. She asks the clerk again for the television set. He looks at her suspiciously and replies,"No because I told you I don't sell them to blondes." She then says,"I am not a blonde I am a redhead." The clerk then said,"I know your the same women because that is no television thats a microwave." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouted out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking along their island beach when one sees a bottle lying on the ground.It turns out there's a genie in it so they each get one wish.The brunette says: "I miss my family, I wish i was home again."With a puff of smoke she disappeared. The redhead wished for the same thing.There the blonde stood, all alone on the beach. She started to cry and said "I wish my friends would come back" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart. So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's tail off. The next morning the blonde had a solution, she said,"I'll just cut my pig's right back leg off." So, she did. That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next morning the blondes were real upset and finally decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's back left leg off. The next morning the blondes were really upset and didn't know how they were going to tell their pigs apart. So, one of them stated, "I will cut my pig's right front leg off. Then we can tell our pigs apart." So, she did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right front leg off. The blondes were really upset and decided the only logical explanation would be to cut the remaining leg off one pig. So, they did. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's only leg off. The next morning when the blondes awoke they were devastated. Finally, the other blonde spoke up and said, "How about you take the white one and I'll take the black one." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. ''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!'' |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the endof the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer. "Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said. Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer. "Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?" "Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildlyswinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she wouldsacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.All the blondes applauded. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office. She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body." He says: "point to where it hurts". She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!". The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?" She says: "yes, how did you know"? He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband's privates.". The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There were two blondes going hunting. It was getting late so one of theblondes said to the other that she heard if you ever get lost in the woods to shoot three shots into the air. So she did. A few hours wentby and so she fired three more shots in the air. A few more hours wentby and they fired three more shots in the air. Then one of the blondessaid someone better hurry up and save us...we only have two more arrowsleft. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Blonde Cook Book: MONDAY:It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake.The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighborswere nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY:Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe saidserve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What asurprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY:A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughlybefore steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly butI took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY:Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed oflettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led upto Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY:I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put allingredients in bowl and beat it. There must havebeen something wrong with this recipe. When I got back,everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY:Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For somereason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY:Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast.All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flashof genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set thecontrols for roast. It still came out hamburger, muchto my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.This has been a very exciting week. I am eager fortomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like tosurprise him with Chocolate Moose. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | 1. The water proof towel2. Solar powered flash light3. Sumberrine screen door4. A book on how to read5. Inflatable dart board6. A dictionary index7. Ejector seat in a helicopter8. Powdered water9. Pedel powered wheel chair10. Water proof tea bags |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tires. He comes back and the Blonde is giggling. He says"Oh you think thats funny!" and rips her convertable top. He comes back and the blonde is laughing. The driver gets mad and lights her car on fire. The driver comes back and the blonde is rolling on the floor laughing. He asks " What is so funny!" She says "I stepped out of the circle 9 times!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A Blonde and a Burnette are watching the news at 6. It is live on the scene. It has been reported that a old homeless man is on top of a large bridge and swears that he will jump off the bridge. The Burnette turns around and says to the Blonde" I bet you $50 that he will jump. Th blonde says" You're on. Sure enough the old man jumps and falls to his death. The Burnette snickers to herself and says"I must admit I did watch the news at 5. The blonde says So did I but, I did'nt think he would jump twice!! |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There are three blondes playing Jeopardy. The announcer says, "This is the final question. How many "D's" are in Jeopardy?" The first blond says "1." The announcer goes to number two and she says "1000." "I'm not even going to ask," the announcer said. He goes up to the third blonde and she says "33" "How did you get 33?" he asks. The blond starts singing to herself, "Dun Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun..." |
Write a joke about the following category | Military | There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat.'The blonde was very stubborn and said 'Im blonde and beautiful and I'm going to New York.'So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. Her answer was the same.'Im blonde and beautiful and Im going to new york.'This went on throught 4 other flight attendants.Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem.He said 'I can handle this' and went to talk to her.Hw whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class.All the flight attendatns were shocked and they asked him how he did it.He said 'I told her first class wasn't going to New York.' |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head all go hunting together. Then they decide to all go their separate ways. When they all come back, the brunette had shot a rabbit. The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"She says: "Well, I followed some tracks,and BOOM, I got a rabbit." The red-head had came back with a deer. The blond & brunette ask "How'd you do that?" She says:"Well, I follwed some tracks and BOOM, I got a deer." The blonde comes back all beat up and bloody, without any game. They ask "HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!?" And she says: "Well I followed some tracks, and BOOM, I got hit by a train"THE END |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde wearing headphones walks into a store and on the window it said 'No Headphones' so the clerk says, "I'm afraid I'll have to make you take off those headphones."The blonde paid no attention to the clerk, so he said louder "If you don't take off those headphones I will!".The blonde still paid no attention, so the clerk yanked the headphones off of her.Then she fainted all of a sudden.The clerk put on the headphones to see what she was listening to.All he heard was "Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde walking by the river came across another blonde directly across from her. The first blonde waved to the other and said "hey, how do i get to the other side"? The other blonde answered "You're already on the other side". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell! But there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell? GIFTED!What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells? PREGNANT!What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells? A GOLDEN RETRIEVER! |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There's this blonde who goes into an electronics shop, and asks the bloke in there if she can buy this TV. But the bloke says Sorry, we dont serve blondes. So she goes away, dyes her hair brown, and goes back. Sorry, we dont serve blondes, the bloke says.So she goes back and dyes her hair ginger, but he still tells her they dont serve blondes.Sooooo, she goes back yet again, but dyes her hair black. Again, she asks if she can buy the TV, but yet again, she cant get served.Look, she says, how can you tell i'm a blonde, even tho i've dyed my hair???Soory lady, thats a microwave!!!! |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde dyed her hair to red one day, then she takes a walk down the road and comes upon a farm. She walks up to the fenced yard where the farmer is counting his sheeps. The farmer said hello and that if she guessed how many he had, then she can keep one. The blonde thought it was a great idea, so she starts counting in her head. She finally guessed 26, which was RIGHT!!! The farmer was amazed, but he kept his word. She climbed over the fence and back with the animal in her arms. The farmer takes one look at her and the animal and says, " If I guess what natural hair color you have, can i have my dog back?" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert because their car broke down. The redhead grabs some water, the brunette grabs some food, and the blonde grabs the car door. They began walking, when the redhead turns to the brunette and says," Why did you bring the food?" She replies, " Well in case i get hungry, i can eat it. Why did you bring water?" The redhead replies, " Well in case i get thirsty, i can drink it." Then they both turn to the blonde and say, " Why did you bring the car door?" She replies, " Well in case i get hot, i can roll down the window." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were running away from the cops. They ran into a barn, and each hid in a sack. The cops came and kicked the sack with the redhead in it, she said, "meow..." The cops said, " It's just a cat," and goes on and kicks the sack with the brunette. She says, " woof..." The cops say, " It's just a dog." They kick the sack with the blonde and she says, " Potatoe..." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guyyells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathlysilencetranscends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next tohimsays: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Thebartenderis blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with ablack belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blondeand she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's apro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tellthatjoke?"The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have toexplain it five times." |
Write a joke about the following category | Political | Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Bill how he wanted his steak, she replied, "medium." Then the waiter said, "how about your vegetable?" Bill replied, "Oh, she can order for herself." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | there were three people walking on the street.a smart blonde, a stupid blonde and santa clause.suddenly, they see on the ground 100$.question : wich of them pick it up ? Answer:the stupid blonde !Why?because the smart blonde and santa clause don't exist, they are fiction. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | You and your two blonde friends (Melisa and Sarah) are stranded on a desert island.You have no food at all with you and you are all starving.Then you guys found a piece of bologna.None of you want to share it and you guys don't know how to decide who keeps it.Then you said that whoever had the best dream would win the bologna.The next day you ask Melisa what her dream was. She said that she dreamed that she was rich.Then you asked Sarah what her dream was. She said that she dreamed that she was richer than Melisa.Then they asked you what your dream was.You said that you didn't have a dream but you wrote a poem.They asked you what it was.You said: "Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony.While you guys were all asleep I ate the damn bologna!" |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, they each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | Q: How do you get the blonde to turn on the light after sex?A: tell her to open the car doorQ:what did the blondes' left leg say to the right leg?A: Nobody knows, they've never met |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There was a blonde, a brunette, a red-head and a bald woman stuck on a desert island.The brunette decided to swim home, but got 1/3 of the way there and drowned, The red-had decided to try, but drowned 1/4 of the way there. The blonde decide that she had to risk it, so she swam 1/2 of the way there when she stopped and swam back."why did you come all the way back, when you were half way home?" screamed the bald woman. "well", said the blonde "I was going to carry on, but I got tired and thought I'd rest first". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | This blonde went in an electrical store for a microve. She asked can i please have that microve? the guy said no you blonde. She goes dyes her head black after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? the guy said no you blonde. so she goes dyes her hair all different colours after that she went to the shop can i please have that microve? How do you know I'm a blonde? the guy said because your pointeting to a fridge |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde was sick and tired of hearing jokes about being dumb. She decided to dye her hair black and set out to prove to the world just how wrong they were about blondes. She drove out of the city and into the country where there were many sheep farms. She spotted a sheep farmer, stopped her car and said, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your field, will you give me a sheep?" He said "Sure!" She counted and said "131." The farmer said, "That's Right! Go ahead and get a sheep." The blonde went and got her sheep. Then, the farmer said, "If I tell you what color your hair really is, can I have it back?" and she said, "Yes." "Blonde. Now give me back my dog.". |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?" The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street." |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | A blonde and a brunette were walking down the basement stairs in the dark to find a wrench when the blonde screamed. "Something brushed against my rightr leg!!" "Oh My Gosh. Are you sure?" "Yea and it keeps doing it." she said as she ran around the basement. Then she stopped and thought for a second. "Hold up. That was just my left leg. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | There was a blonde, a brunette and a red-head stuck on a deserted island. They were searching for food one day when they found a genie lamp. They each rubbed it and a genie popped up. He said "Since you all found my lamp I will give you a wish each. The brunette said "I wish I was 10% smarter so I can get off this island." She swam off the island. The red-head seeing what the blonde did said "I wish I was 25% smarter to get off this island." She built a raft out of leaves and branches. The blonde seeing what they did said "I wish I was 50% smarter to get off this island." The blonde turned into a man and walked over the bridge. |
Write a joke about the following category | Blonde Jokes | One day a blonde was broke and didn't know what to do. So she decided to kidnap a child. She went over to the play ground and saw plenty of little kids running around. She picked out this one little boy and went over and grabbed him. She told the little boy she was going to kidnap and the little boy knowing she was a blonde didn't mind at all. The blonde wrote a note as the following:To whom it may concern:I have just kidnapped your little boy and I want one million dollars in a paper bag under the peach tree at noon. Sincerely a blondeAfter she was finished the note she pinned the note to his shirt and sent home. The next day the blonde she went to the peach tree at noon and there was a brown paper bag. All the money was there but there was a little note. It said:Dear a blonde:Your money is all there I just wanted to know how you could do this to another blonde. |