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He's lied about his past/present situations. Since time has passed, he has changed, but I still have my doubts. I have no idea if I should stay or go, but I hate this feeling. I don't trust him all too much, but yet he hasn't done anything for me not to trust him recently.

I started dating someone and found out they lied about some thingswhat should I do?

Your doubts about your dating partner need to be addressed and solved so you can fully believe him again.Otherwise how would you actually know whether he's lying to you now or not?Start the conversation with him about wanting to trust him and asking for whatever details you feel will give you confidence he is telling you the truth.If he really wants to clear your doubts then he will be willing to invest in answering your extra questions or wanting to look through his phone or whatever areas you felt were violated by him in the past.

How can I be able to trust the person I'm dating again after I've been lied to multiple times already by them in the past?

Good question!The starting point is to directly tell the person you don't trust them, your reason for this and what you feel is necessary in order for the person to regain your trust.Since the person broke your trust, then this person is the one who must earn it back.Often, the one who was lied to will like to ask many questions about matters which usually wouldn't even come up.As long as your dating person is willing to accept their responsibility to earn back your trust, then the person would naturally understand and be willing to answer your questions.It is not too hard to see that if someone lies, then they are the one who must show themselves to be worthy of being believed again.

My fianc of 15 years is always helping out his family, and I feel like his family takes advantage of his kindness. We're about to get married this Saturday, but I feel like he is always gonna put them first instead of myself and our three kids. I am not enjoying our engagement at all.

What can I do about my fianc putting his family first before our family?

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!Have you told the thoughts you write here, to your fianc ?This is the place to start since you clearly are unhappy with a part of his and now your life, which will be with you for quite some time.

The eight months I've been dating my boyfriend, I have lied about a lot of things. I slept with a couple guys to get back at my boyfriend for breaking up with me. Now anything I say to him he won't believe, even if I'm being honest. I don't know what else to do at this point. He constantly criticizes me.

How can I regain my boyfriend's trust back after being completely dishonest with him about a lot of things?

Start a conversation with him about your sincere interest to earn back his trust.Ask him what he expects from you so that he will trust you again.If you are consciously willing and do try to earn back his trust, and have periodic conversations with him on whether he feels more at ease with trusting you, then after a few months of this, both of you should feel more secure in the relationship.

Someone I care about told me I'm not teachable and I'm irritating. I just want to be happy and wanted to please the person, but I always fall short it seems.

Can someone love you and say hurtful things?

Pleasing someone certainly does feel satisfying. If the other person does not appreciate your effort and good will then this feels dissatisfying.Offering happiness to someone does not include tolerating mean comments such as the ones you describe here.Tell the person that you are trying to please them and also tell the person that their comments are hurtful.If the person said their words with no bad intentions then next time they comment its reasonable to expect these comments to not hurt your feelings.Keep in mind that your good intentions may not be received in the way you intend them. Some people, sometimes are insensitive or just plain not interested in being pleased by another person.

I've been in a relationship for almost a year, and I absolutely trust my boyfriend. He treats me nice, checks on me, and tells me sweet things. However, when it comes to making life decisions, I feel he is very immature. I try to talk things out so we can compromise or make sound decisions together, but he lacks any ideas and prefers to just go with anything to avoid fighting. As far as dates, if I don't say anything, plan it, or have money to chip in, we will not go. I feel like I put in a lot of work supporting and sometimes spoiling, and all I get is a loyal man who will not cheat and say sweet things on occasion.

Am I being picky when it comes to my boyfriend?

Well, then your decision is whether you want to stay in this type of relationship or not.One point to keep in mind is this.Just because he's not telling you his opinions doesn't mean he doesn't have any opinions.In the long run t is always easier to talk with someone about their differences from our point of view than to be someone who doesn't tell you what is in their mind.Short term it seems easy to have someone agreeable.Long term someone who doesn't tell you their thoughts and who disagrees with you, may potentially go about their true wishes in hidden ways.

My best friend and I've been really close for almost three years. She lives in the UK, and I live in the US. Ever since her boyfriend flew from Oregon to Scotland, I've been angry at him. Ever since he came into her life, he took her away from me. My best friend would always say sorry, and I'm sick of it.

How can I stop being jealous of my best friend's boyfriend?

You are definitely in a frustrating situation.Your friend and the boyfriend are doing what is natural for couples who are in the early stage of their relationship. Being almost inseparable to the point of overlooking friends, is understandable as long as it doesn't continue for long enough that friends feel hurt.If you feel you would like to one more time tell your friend that you miss your friendship with her and would like her attention, then do so.After expressing your needs as much as possible and if the result doesn't change, then the sad conclusion is that your friend is willing to give you less time and energy than you require from her.

I found the guy Im dating on dating websites. He was telling women that they were beautiful. He said it wasnt him and that the phone was hacked. It has since happened two other times. He says he loves me and Im the only girl he wants to be with, but I feel he is not telling me the truth.

What should I do after finding my boyfriend flirting on dating websites?

Tell him what you know and ask why he is lying to you. If he tells you he isn't lying and you have proof that he is, then you can either accept that he denies the truth or not.

I found the guy Im dating on dating websites. He was telling women that they were beautiful. He said it wasnt him and that the phone was hacked. It has since happened two other times. He says he loves me and Im the only girl he wants to be with, but I feel he is not telling me the truth.

What should I do after finding my boyfriend flirting on dating websites?

I would suggest possibly talking about the type of relationship that both of you want to create. For example, you may want a relationship where honesty, listening, compassion, and romanticism are major parts. You could also see what your boyfriend wants.You may also consider taking five minutes to see if he will listen to your feelings about him being on the dating site and whether he can work to learn more about what you are experiencing with asking open-ended questions (not being answered with yes or no) and restating what you are saying to see if he has it right. After that, perhaps you could switch so that you can listen to his perspective for five minutes and learn more about what he is doing by asking open-ended questions.Remember that it takes two people to have a relationship, so the choice is yours as to whether you choose to stay in the relationship and what kind of relationship you would like to have.

My wife wants to spend time with her family instead of celebrating our anniversary

Did she tell you her reason for this?If not, then ask her for her reasoning.Also, please tell your wife that you would like to celebrate your anniversary tighter with her. Maybe she doesn't know this.

My boyfriend won't touch me intimately, he won't kiss me while we are having sex and he won't have oral sex with me. I know he has done this things with other women in the past. I don't know why he won't do them with me. What should I do?

My boyfriend does not do some sexual things with me that he has done with other people

First off, don't blame yourself or be too quick to jump to any scary conclusions. Human sexuality can be incredibly complex at times (e.g., what turns us on at one time may not be what turns us on the next time).There could actually be a number of things going on including him having performance anxiety...maybe he had a bad experience with a previous partner that's left him scared to try again (we call this operant conditioning). It could also be that he puts you in a different category than previous lovers. Sometimes I refer to this as the "hooker-housewife mentality" where a partner somehow gets the idea that when we truly fall in love, we treat that one differently; almost up on a pedestal. Drives many partners crazy until they're aware that this is going on and give their boyfriend/ girlfriend permission to enjoy both the naughty and the nice with them.It could also be that he's not even aware that he's not doing these things. If you haven't asked him yet, you might try gently approaching the subject when you're not already in the bedroom or trying to get in on and inquire what he most enjoys about sex with you (or has enjoyed in the past, or thinks he might enjoy). You can also share your favorite highlights of sex with him. Give him an ego boost and tell him what he does well while then asking him if he'd be down to go downtown. "Baby, it REALLY turns me on when you kiss me during sex."If you continue to get the impression that it's somehow only about YOU or that he's just really hesitant to talk about sex in general, you might see if he'd be cool to chat with a counselor who specializes in sexual intimacy.

My boyfriend won't touch me intimately, he won't kiss me while we are having sex and he won't have oral sex with me. I know he has done this things with other women in the past. I don't know why he won't do them with me. What should I do?

My boyfriend does not do some sexual things with me that he has done with other people

Ask him!Having a conversation about sexual satisfaction increases emotional intimacy.Not only will you potentially feel more deeply connected from a sincere conversation about your sexual questions, maybe this increased emotional closeness will inspire the sexual closeness you wish to receive.

He said that if I were to visit my mother, he will be gone when I get back. My boyfriend and I hit a rough patch in our relationship a few months back, and my mom had a few choice words with him.

My boyfriend of a little over a year has a problem with me going to visit my mother

Your boyfriend and you have a separate relationship than your relationship with your mother. By trying to control whether or not you visit your mom, unless you are in agreement with this, is building tension between you and him.Ask why he resents your interest to see your mother.If he is insecure to the point where he fears your mother will influence your opinion about him, then trying to prevent you from visiting your mom is itself creating negativity in you toward him.If something still bothers him about the problems you both had several months ago, then talking about these problems will do more to clear the air between the two of you than him trying to interfere in your relationship with your mother.

My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior?

When "threats" of leaving, such as what you described in your question ("kicking you out, wanting divorce") are continuous in your marriage, it can start to erode at the foundation of your relationship, impacting both partners. And, if you're concerned about the influence of another male in the relationship, and are unable to express your concerns or fears to your wife, it's extremely difficult to build a secure functioning relationship.From the information provided in your question, it seems as if there is some avoidance evident in your relationship. Avoidance of being able to express yourself and have honest communication about your relationship. If your wife is willing, I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor to help you both during this time. Or, for you to talk with an individual therapist, if marriage counseling isn't an option.

My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior?

This has to be very confusing.I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.

My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior?

Divorce is a serious, life altering decision.It is best to decide any serious matter through reflection and discussion.Start by knowing what you want from the marriage and why you are willing to move in or out of your own house because your wife tells you to do this.Each of you would benefit from more clarity of what you expect and would like from each other.Does your wife want a boyfriend in addition to the marriage to you?Is she willing to drop the male contact?Does she care how you feel about her contact with the other guy?You need answers and knowledge about the definition of your marriage.Since there are many areas to open, all of which are filled with emotion, including pain, if you're not able to make satisfactory progress then a licensed couples therapist may be useful to you and your partner.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Do you want to be upset about a girl that he forgot about? Think about it for a minute. Do you want to measure your trust based on knowing how many female co-workers your husband has? And if so, what does that say about your marriage? Trust is something that we earn based on our actions and the actions of people we interact with; its also based on our ability to communicate and understand what we value and have in common. If you are focused on every little detail around your relationship, it may turn into an unhealthy obsession and it may harm your relationship more. If instead you focus on opening the lines of communication, let him know what you expect from him, and discuss how you could both build trust again, you may become closer and give your relationship the opportunity to grow. Debera este molesta porque mi esposo me minti de nuevo?Estoy tratando de hacer que mi matrimonio funcione despus de una separacin. Antes de separarnos el menta mucho y rompa todas sus promesas. No creo que me haya sido infiel. El mes pasado, le pregunt cuantas mujeres trabajan con l, y l me dijo. Ayer, me enter que se olvido de una muchacha. Debera estar enojada?Quieres estar molesta porque se le olvido con cuantas mujeres trabaja? Pinsalo por un momento. Quieres determinar la confianza que le tienes en tu esposo basndote en su capacidad de reportar la cantidad de mujeres que trabajan con l? Si tu respuesta es s, qu refleja eso sobre tu matrimonio? La confianza es algo que se gana basado en nuestras acciones y las de aquellos con quienes interactuamos; tambin en nuestra habilidad de comunicar y entender los valores que tenemos en comn.Si practicas estar preocupada por cada pequeo detalle en tu relacin, esto se puede convertir en una obsesin que potencialmente daara tu relacin. Si en cambio te enfocas en abrir las lneas de comunicacin, le dejas saber lo que esperas de l y discuten cmo pueden trabajar juntos para recuperar la confianza, pueden volverse ms cercanos y darse la oportunidad de que la relacin crezca.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way.You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it?A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you dowith that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say, and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have onyour relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.

Im trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?

Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married. Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.

My fiance is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just dont care enough when its about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

How do I handle my fiance always telling me how bad of a job I'm doing in making them happy?

I don't know much about the dynamics of your relationship, but I want to say that you cannot possibly be responsible for anyone else's happiness. If you are interested in a good read on this topic, I highly recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

My fiance is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just dont care enough when its about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

How do I handle my fiance always telling me how bad of a job I'm doing in making them happy?

One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment.I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.

My fianc and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger.

Why is my fianc angry at me about his automobile insurance?

I'd be more worried generally about a fiancee who assumes you are responsible for tracking what in fact are his responsibilities, than about the anger per se.What you describe holds the seeds of classic abusive behavior, which is blaming the partner for what in fact are the person's own responsibilities.Start by withdrawing yourself from paying his bills.If he is on his own in terms of tracking what and when is due regarding his auto policy, then surely the only one for him to blame will be himself.Stay clear of involving yourself in doing favors for him if the favor involves something that he is the one accountable.Tell him it is so the relationship remains fair for each of you.

My fianc and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger.

Why is my fianc angry at me about his automobile insurance?

A few things come to mind. I wonder if your fianc is still angry about it or if he was angry in that moment and has now worked through it.It sounds like there was also a difference in expectations here. You were just paying the bill with the money he was giving to you and he may have assumed you were reading it. You thought that you were following his directions. It could be that you could have a discussion about it, but that depends on how much of a hot button issue it still is for either of you.If you're going to talk about it, I might suggest asking whether this would be a good time to have a discussion about what happened with the automobile insurance so that you can both use the opportunity to learn more about yourselves and each other around this particular issue.

I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.

How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?

The comments here from the other therapists are "spot on". As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-Candidate I'm convinced your partner's acting out creates trauma for you. Your partner's addiction is NOT your fault and his recovery IS his responsibility. What's paramount is for you to get immediate help from an experienced therapist who understands trauma as result of the partner's/spouse's problematic sexual behaviors. Your needs, safety, and the establishment of reasonable boundaries is vital to your well-being. I wish you the very best.Resources for Your Consideration: 1) https://www.iitap.com/, 2)https://www.sanon.org/, 3)http://www.cosa-recovery.org/

I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.

How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?

There is a lot of information out there right now about how porn is harmful...to a person's brain chemistry, to a relationship and one's ability to love, and to how men see women and sex in general. Your partner demonstrates a clear disregard for your needs. There is evidence, as you suggest, that there is addiction here. I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you sort out where to go from here.

I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.

How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?

It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is "Am I happy?", "Do I feel loved?", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in.

We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it.

What should my boyfriend and I do to cope with his cancer?

I wonder if both you and your boyfriend could have a conversation about what you both want, wish for, and desire from one another right now. That doesn't necessarily mean that your partner will give everything that you ask for, but this is one of the ways that he can learn more about what would help you through this and you can learn how you could support him, since traditional medical treatment is not something he wants.You may also consider using some open-ended questions (not yes or no answers) to talk about what you're feeling about both about his cancer and about your relationship. Both of you may discuss different ways that you would like support from one another.I would also see if he was comfortable with you disclosing this to one or a few of your close friends (with him considering doing the same) so that you both have support that includes each other and also includes others because there may be days when you both have a negatively emotional day at the same time and would benefit from talking with someone else.It may also be a matter of conversation to discuss what makes you happy together and use those positive moments to help move through more difficult ones.

We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it.

What should my boyfriend and I do to cope with his cancer?

Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry about this life-altering situation that both you and your boyfriend are going through. To be sure, this is a devastating and lonely road for both of you. I say lonely because when things like this happen we often don't know what to say to each other, and so we suffer in silence with little support.Here are a few thoughts that I am having, and perhaps others will add things, too:1. By the sound of your main question, it seems like you have every intention to be there for your boyfriend during this difficult time. I am not sure if he is willing to talk about his health situation, but letting him know that you want to support him and also need his support may be helpful. 2. If it is possible, see if he would be willing to go to a counselor with you. There are many things that a counselor could focus on that may help your relationship, but also help you both cope with what is happening.3. If he refuses to seek support, you may want to consider going on your own. If you can't afford it, sometimes hospice organizations offer support groups and other services. It is very important not to neglect yourself. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

Im in a relationship with my child's father. Im a really jealous person. We dont go out or do anything with other people because of me. To keep our relationship going, I know I have to stop being jealous, but I cant. How can I get over these issues?

How do I get over jealousy?

It may be important to look at this as getting through something rather than "getting over it." If you're aware of the reasons why you are jealous, I don't know if they relate to this relationship or a previous one, but you could remind yourself of the differences if your feelings of jealousy relate to something from your past.Also, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your child's father if you are both open to having a discussion about this in a way that you summarize what each other is saying so you are sure that you are understanding each other, at least to some degree.Also, consider what you may want from your child's father to assist you with this. You cannot make him do anything to support you with this, but you can certainly ask.What is something you could start or stop doing to move you toward your goal?

I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.

What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body?

My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.

I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.

What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body?

Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we canactuallydo to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling you how to improve yourself. What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. Here are some things to consider and some ideas:1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. 2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abusedor have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. 3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, ora counselor would be a good idea.http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif Be well.... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

My girlfriend remains friends with ex boyfriends/lovers on Facebook who actively like and comment on posts. It causes me to get jealous because I'm afraid they might reconnect somehow. I've attempted to talk to her about it, but she avoids it and doesn't seem to worry about how I feel about it.

How do I talk to my girlfriend about my anxiety from her exes?

Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.

She works with a man and always looks at guys that check her out.

Why do I always think my girl is cheating on me?

I wonder if you are having some of these thoughts related to something that has neither happened directly to you in your past or to someone that you care about. This can often change the way that we look at different situations. Try to look at what feelings, for you when you notice that someone is "checking her out," and perhaps when you have felt these feelings before.If you trust your girl enough to have an open conversation, perhaps you could ask her whether she is willing to talk about something that is important to you. Then you could talk about feelings that you're having.

My wife works late most days, so I'm lonely. I love my wife with all my heart, however I don't feel the intimacy we used to have. We don't have sex anymore, which bothers me tremendously. I have become close friends with a coworker, which I know is not helping. Nothing will happen with that, but theres the thought.

How do I fall back in love with my wife?

First things first! Friendships that develop in times of struggle may be a great emotional support, but also become confusing there's sexual attraction. And entertaining a tough is only going to make it a stronger target. Careful with that friendship! You do not want to fill your marriage's void with another person. Even when you are in a friend zone and not having intimacy with this person, you may be developing a special bond, sharing interest and activities that may lead to a deeper connection. Ask yourself how you would feel if your spouse was having a friendshiplike that.Then try to refocus on your marriage. I suggest being transparent and talking to your wife about your feelings and concerns. Ask her what you could do to reconnect, make some suggestions and dedicate time to practice them. Make time in both of your schedules, make an effort to have lunch together, or to text during the day. Remember that a marriage is like a very good friendship with benefits, but sometimes the responsibility kills the fun.Cmo puedo volver a enamorarme de mi esposa?Mi esposa trabaja tarde casi todos los das, la amo con todo mi corazn, pero no siento la intimidad como antes. Ya no tenemos sexo, lo cual me molesta tremendamente. Me he acercado a una amistad del trabajo, lo cual no ayuda. Nada pasara, pero hay pensamientos al respecto.Primero lo primero! Las amistades que se desarrollan en momentos de crisis pueden ser un gran apoyo emocional, pero tambin pueden convertirse en algo nebuloso cuando hay atraccin sexual. Entretener pensamientos al respecto solo lo va a hacer un reto ms grande. Ten cuidado con esa amistad! No quieres llenar el vaco que deja tu matrimonio con esta nueva persona. Aunque no ests teniendo intimidad con esa persona, puedes estar creando una conexin especial, compartiendo intereses en comn y actividades que los unen ms aun. Pregntate como te sentiras si tu esposa tuviera una amistad as.Intenta reenfocarte en tu matrimonio. Sugiero que seas transparente con tu esposa y le dejes saber tu preocupacin y como te sientes con el distanciamiento. Pregntale que le gustara hacer para reconectarse, sugirele algunas ideas y dediquen tiempo a las mismas. Hagan tiempo en sus agendas para ustedes, hagan un esfuerzo para almorzar juntos, y comunicarse durante el da, aunque sea con textos. Recuerda que el matrimonio es como una muy buena amistad con beneficios y muchas veces las responsabilidades matan la diversin.

My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works.

How do I deal with a man who only contributes financially?

After eight years and two childrens, people change. I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important. Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so. Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it. Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.Cmo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye econmicamente?Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca est en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los nios. Solo duerme y trabaja.Despus de ocho aos y dos hijos las personas cambian. Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cmo te dientes, djale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayora del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregntale si el est dispuesto a comprometerse ser parte activa de la familia y como lo hara. Muchas veces cuando los paps estn afuera las mams desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir. Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid.

How do I stop feeling jealous in my relationship?

Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship. It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend. This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through. Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.

We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life

Not in my book. You're only two months in? At this early stage, this is a bit of a warning sign. If he can't accept or feel comfortable with who you are and decisions you've made, there's already a level of discomfort here that shouldn't be ignored. No, he doesn't have the right to penalize you or punish you ...not just for past things...not for anything. What he does get to do it tell you how it affects him. Sure...if he feels uncomfortable or needs reassurance...listen to those things. But If he doesn't dig who you are, maybe he can walk the other way.

We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life

How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.

My husband and I are in our 40s. Weve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasnt a mid-life crisis.

My husband said he loves me but is not in love with me

I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man, who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you.

There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.

My wife won't do things she used to do

I'd say you're letting fear get a hold on you! You would really enjoy some sexual activities that your wife hasn't initiated in a long while, but it's a big leap to go from that to "I married the wrong person". Fear is telling you that she doesn't respect or like or want you? Look at the bigger picture. What is the evidence that your wife wants to please you?...that she is the "right" woman for you?...that she loves you?...that she cares about what's important to you? If there is evidence there, then you owe it to the marriage to rein in your fearful thoughts.Talking to your wife is so important right now. We all have moments when we really just want to sit and stew in our self pity over our partner not vacuuming or cooking or saying loving things often enough...but they can't read our minds! Can you lovingly let her know what you miss? ...what you hope for?...what you need? This is the meat of a loving relationship. Sharing who we are, so that we can love each other better.Your wife deserves the benefit of the doubt that she'll listen to what you long for. Can you risk feeling vulnerable? You can't control her answer, but can you trust her to care?

We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice.

Is it wrong to cheat on my husband?

Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask yourself to help you find your answer: 1. Do you feel like you are violating your own values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that is alright. Finally,if you value your husbands feelings and know that the affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your own values. That can only be determined by you. 2.Based on how you describe your relationship, it sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is. From the outside, it looks like the affairs are a way to get even with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband, is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex, argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs. 3.What are your goals for this relationship? If we start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and dreams you once had for this relationship? 4. Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not having affairs wont actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help to get it fixed. Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly wish you well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

I am afraid of sex

These fears are completely normal. Almost everyone has the same fears you do, to some degree, especially if they lack experience. Men also feel far more of these fears than you realize. That can help...to remember that we're all a little scared and looking for safety and approval.You mention a partner, but I'm not sure if you currently have one. Having a partner you can trust with your fears and who you feel safe with is so important. When you're really confident someone cares deeply for you, this can help the fears to go away or diminish.How well do you know your own body? Getting to know how you like to be touched and how different touches feel...getting acquainted with your body yourself first...this can help build sexual confidence.In general, our partners care less about our fat and wrinkles than they care about how we make them feel in bed. Being a generous lover who is confident enough to put fear aside...ironically this is what makes you "good in bed". But be patient with yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and that doesn't have to happen until you are ready. There's not rush. :)

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

I am afraid of sex

As hard as it may be to do this, since all the media and marketing of how an ideal person looks and performs sexually, surrounds us, keep in mind that the images presented in order to sell movies and almost any product, is meant to trigger fantasies.No one is a fantasy, we are all real and unique. We can be influenced to believe that being a fantasy is better than being who each of us is, genuinely.Your partner may be much more accepting of your body and your level of sexual experience, than you are of yourself!Sex within a relationship means the two people want to have with the other one, not because they have ideal bodies and expertise, but because the person wants to make love to the one whom they love.When you are in a loving relationship, part of this includes talking about sensitivities and insecurities. Having a conversation gives the chance to know that you are accepted for who you are, not how closely you resemble a made up idea meant to persuade people to buy items.

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

I am afraid of sex

The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed. This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about. The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience.

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel

I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty.Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered.Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel

My questions to you would be: Why did you get married? Would it bother you if your spouse did the same to you?

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel

Yes, of course, it's your body and you can do what you feel like doing.Do you feel a commitment to your partner?Your guilt probably is pointing out the feeling of having done with your body what your spirit tells you is a violation of the commitment you feel toward your partner.The good news is that this is a moment for you to examine how strong your commitment is to your partner.Find balance between satisfying your freedom to do as you please, with your sense of being a partner, which means prioritizing the partner once in a while.

As I was growing up, my mother and father always fought. With that, I grew trust issues. I think it's going to affect my relationship now and end it sooner then I want to. I try not to let it affect me, but I cant.

I think my trust issues are going to end my relationship early

If you thing your trust issues are going to end or affect your relationship it will because you are being baggage from your parents into this relationship. Don't allow their problems to become your problem. You didn't mention that your partner in your present relationship have done anything to make you not trust them. Like in the court of law, if no evidence....find not guilty.Don't make them pay the consequences as if guilty of your parents unhealthy behavior.

We had our first kid 15 years ago, and sex has been nonexistent ever since. It only happens every three or four months. We have been to counseling, and I have been told over and over again she will come around. She hasn't, and I'm intimately lonely! I think it's time to move on, but how do I do that without hurting my kids?

How do I stay when the spark is gone?

Hi Pocahontas, This is a painful situation. When you're in a relationship, you assume that you will continue to receive warmth and affection. When it dries up, it's a very lonely place. It's possible that there is an unaddressed issue in the relationship. It's also possible that your partner has hormonal issues, pain issues, sexual dysfunction or is asexual.There is no one answer here. Only you can decide what is right for you. But let me ask some questions to help you explore next steps:Aside from the sex, is your wife loving and supportive? What are the other ways in which you feel loved? Does your wife talk to you? Does she communicate her needs and desires? Does she articulate what gets in the way of having sex? If your wife is generally a loving, open partner, you use this to see that her behaviours aren't personal. Whether she resolves this or not, it can help you to cope with the rejection. This is your wife's issue, and the "ball" is in her court.In my opinion, if couple's therapy hasn't helped, it's time for your wife to own whatever is blocking her and address it with her physician and therapist. Let her be in charge of the sex for a while, to take the pressure off, and she can have the time to figure out what gets in the way of having regular sexual intimacy in your relationship. If you think of this as "my wife is in crisis and needs support in figuring this out", it can help you manage your own emotions.Pressure to have sex might push her further away. Did the couple therapist help you to see the dynamic in your relationship? Has your partner identified something she feels she is lacking in the relationship? One good way to make sure you "get" is to "give" (and I mean give what she wants, not sex).It's appropriate to say to her now "I cannot live in a relationship with so little intimacy. I need for you to be honest with me about what you want for us sexually. If this is all you want, I'm not sure I can do it. If you want us to be more sexual, I need you to address what gets in the way for you." Give her some time, help her in any way you can, and then see where you are. See if she does seek help to address an issue that is hers.Then...you have a decision to make. I encourage you to make it looking at the big picture, not just the sex.

I have been dating a guy for two years. I think I love him, but I don't know any more. I am in my late teens, and I have been living with him for most of our relationship. I have been talking to a guy friend, and I feel more loved by him than my boyfriend.

I don't know if I should end my relationship or try and stick through it

Hi Michigan, Relationships are so sparkly for a few years, and then things start to feel different. Most of the time, this is simply because we've pulled back from all the attachment-forming behaviours we did at the beginning. We stop talking a lot, because we have less to discover...we do less for each other and buy fewer gifts...spend less time together...all because we have already formed the love and attachment and we don't need to "fill the gas tank" as much. So, just because it feels different doesn't mean it's "gone bad".Having said that, it seems as though you are missing something in this relationship that you need; you don't feel loved enough right now. Can you tell him? Have you told him? The strength of your relationship is more clear when people know what the expectations are. Let him know what you need, and see if he gets it.You have choices to make and there is no wrong choice. You certainly have the right to say "this isn't feeling great anymore", or "I want to explore other relationships", and walk away. But often it's worth it to see how good something can be before you bail.You're drawn to someone else, and this is up to you to decide how this fits with your expectations of yourself in a relationship. Your interest in this other guy is sparkly and new. Your boyfriend can't compete with that if he doesn't know you're unhappy.For some people, being drawn to someone else is a sign they're not into their partner. For others, it's a danger alert, and it makes them want to improve their current relationship. Which one are you?

He owns his own business. Sometimes, he stays out all night but doesn't tell me. We have a son together, and I get to stay home with him. He says I complain too much about what he's doing. We've been together a year and a half. I got pregnant after being together for a month. We moved in together when I had my son in July. Everything was great, and then he started the staying out. He then started not spending time with either of us. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong. We've talked and he says this is just how he is, but he wasn't like this before.

My boyfriend says he doesn't like to do things with me because we fight too much

Congrats on the birth of your son!Your situation sounds painful, lonely, and isolating.And, these features are eating away at your self-confidence.Start by believing in yourself. The feelings and ideas you describe here would only be arising from within you because they are at the very least, partly true.Ask your boyfriend if he is willing to listen and understand your point of view. If he does, then hopefully the two of you will more easily talk with one another about the truth of feeling overwhelmed by the quick pace of your courtship and becoming a family.If these discussions continuously include him blaming you for having your own feelings and expecting him to more actively be a part of your and your son's life, then you'll need to start valuing your feelings and what is best for you and your son, by yourself.I send you lots of good luck!

He owns his own business. Sometimes, he stays out all night but doesn't tell me. We have a son together, and I get to stay home with him. He says I complain too much about what he's doing. We've been together a year and a half. I got pregnant after being together for a month. We moved in together when I had my son in July. Everything was great, and then he started the staying out. He then started not spending time with either of us. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong. We've talked and he says this is just how he is, but he wasn't like this before.

My boyfriend says he doesn't like to do things with me because we fight too much

Hi Oklahoma, Listen to him when he says this is how he is. Your boyfriend's behaviours are about him; not you. At the start of a relationship it's easy to be loving and attentive; but it takes years to really get to know someone deeply. With time, people reveal who they are.For some reason, he is giving himself permission to detach from you and your son. This could be for several reasons; he may be avoiding intimacy and connection, he may be avoiding commitment, he may fear he isn't enough, or (and there is evidence of this one) he may have misogynist attitudes about male privilege that interfere with his ability to be the kind of supportive and respectful partner that you need.It seems that you've addressed this problem with him and told him what you need. Good for you. His response seems dismissive though, and this isn't a good sign. Any problem can be worked through if you have two people who care about, respect and listen to each other. It seems this basic foundation is missing here.I suggest a therapist might be able to help you sort out where to go from here. I wish you the best. :)

I love him so much, and I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend is always accusing me of not loving him

Does he tell you a reason as to why he feels you don't love him?Ask him this so you will clearly know his definition of "love".

I love him so much, and I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend is always accusing me of not loving him

Hi Savannah, This is a pretty common issue; one person feels that they are doing a great job of being loving, yet their partner doesn't feel loved. There's a great book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He explains that there are five main ways to give and receive love, but we don't necessarily all speak the same "love language" as our partner. You might feel that by going out to work and earn money, you're being loving, but if your partner's main love language is quality time, you're not hitting that bulls eye because you're not home! The five languages are words, quality time, acts of service, gifts and touch. I recommend couples grab this book, sit down and figure out what their love languages are, and then...slowly...you start to ask for the kind of love you want, and you start to speak your partner's language a bit better. You may never be fluent, but you can get better. The most important part is to understand each other better and to know that there's nothing wrong with either of you, you're just speaking different languages. You can help your boyfriend to get really specific about how he wants to be loved. I bet he just needs you to "speak his language". :)

My fianc and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

How can I get my fianc to notice me again?

Hello, It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you.Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, maycause some relief. Wheninitiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember.Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoidusing extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never).For example, you may say something such as, "I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change" versus "You are never intimate with me anymore."Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows formore clarity and deeperexplanation. Lastly,ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.Best of luck to you!

My fianc and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

How can I get my fianc to notice me again?

Your situation sounds a little painful.Have you brought up any of these topics for discussion with your fianc?Now is a good time for finding out if and how your future husband is interested and addresses the way you are feeling.Until the two of you open up what bothers you, all you or anyone who talks to you about the situation, can do is take guesses as to what is driving your finance's behaviors.Also, in the moment of when your fianc texts you words you find surprising or startling, you can tell him this. Maybe by being clear and truthful about how what he writes affects you, then next time he will change what he tells you.And if he doesn't, then you know that you explained yourself, he had this information about you and that , he isn't that willing to consider what you told him.Really, the best first step is to open up all the topics you wrote about here, with him. This way you'll give each of you to discuss how to care about one another in a meaningful way.

My fianc and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

How can I get my fianc to notice me again?

Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different."He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together.He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be!Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand.So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple. When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.

My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems.

How do you get over someone cheating on you when you are trying to make it work?

Hi Michigan,This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places.I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you.Other things that he can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!

Is it wrong that I'm married and I have a best friend that's like a sister to me?

Although we all want (or wish) that our partner is also our best friend, in reality this doesn't always happen. There may be issues, of course and there are many things to consider there, such as "why do we need" another person to confide in, or are we actually attracted to this "best friend" but because we know we can't have them we put this thought behind etc. etc. Is this friend and old friend, an old flame or a new acquired friend; the latter is complicated and probably the most questionable, in my view. So, many things to think about and there is no one answer fits all.

Im in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. Ive tried to be in relationship with guys, but I cant be in love with them.

Am I a lesbian because I love a girl?

It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is. You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.

I've been getting told lately by my partner that its embarrassing that I'm so antisocial around his family and friends. I believe it's because I'm not as social as him.

Is it wrong to be antisocial around people?

Hi Buffalo, I think you're right; your partner's reactions are about him. I have to say it's a cruel thing to say to someone you love...that you're "embarrassed by them". The subtext says "You're not good enough", and I love that you can reject that false message.You don't have to be different for anyone. If he can't accept you for who you are, what is he doing with you? Your social habits (unless they are extreme...like you refuse to go anywhere) aren't a reflection on him; it's just you being you. Also, and I'm sure you've found this...the more he judges you, the more difficult it is for you to be the confident, outgoing person he wants you to be...so his method of trying to change you doesn't even work!I think that's the crux...he's trying to change you. What does that make you want to do?

How can I know if I'm just being paranoid?

What should I do if I think my partner is cheating?

Hi Texas,Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fears would be triggered and you can simply let your partner know what triggers the fear and what you need. "When you refuse to let me see your phone I worry that you're hiding something. I need openness". If they haven't cheated on you in the past, there are three possible scenarios here. I invite you to take a moment and write down what the evidence is that cheating is going on. What is the specific thing that's triggering your fears? When you have your data recorded, read on...The first scenario is that you have been personally hurt in the past by someone else and you've developed fears that you will be hurt again or that you're not enough to keep someone interested (this is just fear...people cheat for their own reasons, not because we're not interesting). This may be true if what you wrote down is "They didn't really do anything wrong...there is no evidence. I'm just scared and suspicious". That's a cue to do some self reflection and calm yourself with thoughts like "nothing has really happened. I can trust."If what you wrote down was vague evidence, like for example your partner has been distant or irritable, or you're having less sex than usual, you can try to approach the situation without making assumptions. Trust your gut, but your gut isn't seeing evidence of cheating...it's evidence of "something". Ask your partner what's up with accusations or assumptions.The third possibility is that there is some clear evidence that they are cheating. Maybe there are texts on a phone, or someone has told you something they saw. I'd say when there is some evidence, it's okay to present this to your partner and ask what's going on. If this happens repeatedly, and your gut is screaming and there are only excuses or explanations that don't make sense, then it's okay to do a bit of "research" and be extra aware of what's going on around you.I hope that helps.

My partner and I have had an amazing relationship and connection for over two years. We're very committed to each other and are planning a very long life together. However, he recently was very open and honest that he isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. He says this has happened in every past relationships and has ended it as a result. He knows it's because it's the "same person" feeling, but how can he get over this?

My partner is bored of being intimate with me

I wonder how long "anymore" will be for your boyfriend.Since you both are planning a long life together, instead of his custom of ending relationships when he feels bored with the sex, he will be facing the situation of being in a relationship and not having sex with his partner to whom he is committed.What are your own views on the meaning of sex in a relationship?Knowing this will help you be better able to collaborate with your boyfriend on finding ways of balancing what you each would like.

We got into arguments, and we would break if off but start it back up again. We clicked, or so I thought. We are both married with problems in our marriage. We never have sex; we just send a lot of pictures back and forth and talk about doing things together. His wife found out, and he lied to her and didn't even refer to it as an affair. I can't stop thinking about him. We just click. I've been married for 16 years, and I've never liked anyone other than my husband. Now I like him, and well never be together.

How do I get over the man I had an affair with?

If you will "never be together" and in order to maintain this affair you need to deceive both of your spouses it seems unlikely that maintaining the affair will bring anything but heartbreak for everyone involved. There is obviously something that you are getting from this that you are not getting in your marriage. Maybe this is a cue that there is work to do on your marriage to try to make it more fulfilling and if that is not possible, then maybe you want something else for your life. If you and your husband are willing, I would encourage you to do some therapy or counselling together. You may enjoy this article to learn a little more about some factors that lead to connection or disconnection and that predict separation and divorce.

My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. Hell tell me that he'll stop lying, and while hes saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better.

How can I get over the past in my relationship?

New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying.What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours.My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.

I was texting a guy who wasn't my boyfriend, and my boyfriend found out. We work together, so he went to work and told everyone I was cheating on him. I moved out of the house. There have been previous problems, and I feel like I'm usually the issue here. In order for us to move on, he wants me to sign this contract that he wrote out listing things he doesn't want me to do anymore. I'm wondering if this a healthy relationship to save or if I should walk away.

My boyfriend wants me to sign a contract of things not to do

Hi Dallas,While I think it's healthy for both members of a couple to have things that they need from each other and to talk about that, your situation sounds one-sided and rigid. Will you have a list too? There are elements of control here: humiliating you in front of coworkers, saying you have to sign the contract before you can move forward...does he decide when you move in and out? Your passive aggressive communications with the other man and your difficulty in knowing what direction you want also hint that maybe you don't have a voice in this relationship. Do you have a voice? If you are uncomfortable with the contract, are you listening to your own voice? If you can't hear your own voice, maybe it's time to sit down with a therapist and strengthen yourself so you can at least know what you feel and want.No relationship is all good or all bad (wouldn't that make it easy?) Relationships don't come with billboards that tell us what to do. They don't come with crystal balls that tell us what will happen (except that past behaviour is a good predictor). You have everything you need in order to make the best decision for you right now, except clarity, and his control may be what is making things muddy for you. You're too busy blaming yourself to see the situation clearly. A therapist can help you stop blaming yourself and see what your situation is.

About a month ago, I went through my boyfriends phone and found him messaging his ex-girlfriend that he was dating before me. He gave her a promise ring when they were together, and he still had it hiding in his memory box in our sons room. I found many things on his phone, but that broke my heart the most. He deleted all the messages but two. I can't help thinking they were talking about the old times together or something like that. It really kills me, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I found my boyfriend talking to his ex-girlfriend

Your sense of hurt is very understandable.Do you and your boyfriend have an agreement on looking through each other's phones?I ask because the overall problem sounds like lack of trust and that there may be a difference in what each of you wants and expects from your relationship.Probably if the two of you talk about these topics and you each become clear as to the commitment status of each of you to the other, you'll have more clarity as to what either of you would like from the other.With this new level of clarity, his past relationship involvements will likely be less meaningful .Once you have clear definition of the two of you as a couple, who he was as a past partner to someone else, will matter very little.

I have been married for 20 years. He and I both cheated. I hid my cheating for 14 years. Over that time, I let life stress me out. I became depressed. When I finally woke up, he felt I had pushed him out.

How do I fix my marriage?

Do you both want to fix the marriage?The relationship belongs to both of you so that one working without the other cooperating in this work too, will have one person who does all the changing.This dynamic itself creates problems of its own.About your husband telling you he feels pushed out, did he do anything on his own to address his problem of feeling like this?All you state is that he blames you for creating a situation he didn't like.If he did nothing because he felt unsure what to do, anything which shows he understands he has as vital a part in the marriage as you, is ok.Because affairs create mistrust between two people, the two of you would also need to be very aware to regain each other's trust.Talking as much as possible so you both know what goes on in the life of the other, how you each are feeling, what matters to you, is helpful to grow a new foundation for your marriage's future.

My boyfriend recently got a kitty. I hate cats in general, and he knows it. It grosses me out and makes me very upset when he pets his cat. I want to throw out the cat. I feel very jealous.

How can I like pets?

Sorry for you and sorry for the cat because you're each in a tense position.What was the context of your boyfriend adopting a cat since he was aware that this would likely cause problems in the relationship with you?If you don't already know his answer, then find out. Doing so will tell you a lot about your boyfriend's expectations about you. Does he expect you to accept without question, whatever he does? Does he care about your views? Does a cat have some deep meaning for him that having one is essential to his life and he never told you so?Please don't be mean to the cat. Its not the cat's fault for being in your boyfriend's care.There are plenty of other cats on this earth so throwing out the cat will not solve anything between you and your boyfriend.Who knows, your boyfriend may come back home with three more cats!Start with a conversation about your feelings and his interest in your feelings.

Over the course of a few days, my wife was unsure about her feelings for me due to constant intimacy issues. After she thought things through, she came to the realization that she is no longer "in love" or attracted romantically to me. She instead has more of a platonic love and just cares for me as just "family." At that point, she said our marriage was over. Now over the course of the last few days, she has taken a "friendship" from a coworker. She insists there is nothing more than friends, but she has spent all her free time with him.

Should my wife and I seek any kind of counseling if she is convinced our marriage is over and has turned romantic love into platonic love?

Hi Portland,This must feel like your world is turned upside down, for your wife to declare her confusion, followed closely by resignation, followed closely by a new "friend". I get how upsetting this is.If I was your therapist, I'd want to explore this a good deal, because there are several possibilities concerning what might be happening. Be careful not to jump to conclusions.Sometimes people have been slowly "falling out of love" for a long time, and often this is due to some (perhaps unnamed) unmet need in the marriage. She may have been coming to this point over a period of time, and has only finally said so.It's also possible that your wife is going through some temporary crisis...she's changing and personally unhappy and blaming the marriage for it. Only she can help herself through this (she could get the help of a therapist, but it's not your place to tell her to do this).Or, it's possible she's met this new "friend" and her attachment to him has clouded her view, or clarified something for her. Right now, it's important that you respect your wife's decision to separate, if she's asking for that. We can't trap people in a marriage. If she needs separation, or distance, then it's respectful to give her that.That doesn't mean that you have to give up on the marriage right now. I would seek the support of a therapist who can help you sort out what YOU want; whether it's to move on with your life, or wait patiently for a period of time.I can't predict what will happen here. But you can find out what the best path for you is. I wish you the best.

What does it mean when my wife says she loves me but isn't "in love" with me?

Usually someone means by this that the person cares about you, feels warm and friendly, has an interest in helping you, believes you have positive qualities such as kindness, and are generally a likable person toward whom the person feels affection.Romantic love and intimate involve a deeply felt dynamic that is unique to the particular couple. The dynamic results from the shared identity of being part of that particular couple. Loving another person is a one way dynamic of one person toward another person.In love is appreciating and freely wanting to continue, contributing to the couple's shared dynamic.Good luck in understanding more about your happiness and satisfaction in the current relationship!

I have no idea what happened. I go places and do things but still feel lonely. I honestly have no friends, and I am always the one texting people and bothering people. I feel invisible, like someone that no one wants to be around.

Why do I feel so lonely these days?

A lot of times any and each of us creates what we need for ourselves by seeing other people as creating these circumstances and situations.Is it possible that at this time period in your life, being alone is positive for sorting through your true values or sorting through key situations in your life?If "yes", then possibly you are giving yourself some alone time, even though to some degree being alone is not your first choice.At the very least, since you aren't happy with being the one who texts others, then some alone time may encourage new thoughts and ideas creating more open space within you to attract other people who do enjoy texting you first.Also, most relationships are not forever. Is it possible you are at a phase when some relationships are simply closing down so that you have clear space within your life for new and different activity?

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I dont like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

Why do I hate sex?

Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.? If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over. I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time until you figure out what is going on. I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any, about being sexually active. Do you fear pregnancy? Are there problems in the relationship? Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy?Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way. When these types of traumatic events occur, people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma. Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with. If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues.A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration. If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems. Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes. I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction. Take care.

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I dont like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

Why do I hate sex?

Does your boyfriend notice that you hate sex?If "yes", then it is a topic which the two of you would gain deeper understanding of each other, by discussing.If "no", then possibly one reason for hating sex is that your boyfriend doesn't notice who you are as a person, not simply a physical body engaged in sex.

I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.

How do I get my wife to forgive me?

Hello. Being unable to trust your significant other certainly can cause one to feel unsettled. Has your spouse ever done anything questionable that would cause you to not trust her? If so, then it will take time and some work to gain the trust back. Couple's counseling would be of benefit. If not, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist on your own in order to better learn where your insecurities come from. There are several possible reasons why you may be feeling insecure but without knowing them, the issue is not likely to get resolved. In the meantime, I suggest that when you're feeling upset and are unable to trust what your wife says/does, think before you speak. Ask yourself if you have valid reasons to not trust her. Instead of arguing, try and communicate how you're feeling and let her know that resolving this trust issue will be a top priority for you so that you can focus on other aspects of your relationship. Hope it all works out for you both!

I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.

How do I get my wife to forgive me?

Instead of fighting about trust, is it possible for you and your wife to talk with other about areas which upset each of you?Whenever feelings are hurt, knowing what exactly is problematic and being heard and understood by the partner, goes a long way to building trust.These type of discussions are hard to have, and especially for the first time. A lot of emotions arise and often people lose their conversation focus from this.If you and your wife have a tough time opening up to each other, consider scheduling time with a couples therapist.Just by each of you committing time to invest in the relationship will show faith in the relationship, and this may contribute to restoring trust.

I've been in a relationship for over a year. He's cheated and lied. I heard he's married, but he says he's not. Everything is very up and down; there's no trust. Recently, he went on a trip, and I promised him I'd behave and not drink because when I drink, I drink too much, and I tend to make poor choices. This time, I made a huge mistake: I drank too much, and I cheated on him. I slept with another man for about five minutes before realizing what I was doing is wrong. I told him and he just got really rude. He called me names and threatened me. I feel bad as I do love him. We just have so many issues. I'm not a bad person, I've just made a lot of bad mistakes. Its unintentional, and I know right from wrong, but why do I still make the wrong choice?

How can I stop myself from making poor choices and hurting the one I love?

Hi Calgary (Canada!), Let me get this straight...you're in a 'relationship', but he might be married. You both cheat and lie and he's abusive. The short answer is that there is too much wrong here for this therapist to try and fix it. Relationships don't heal us and they don't help us grow up. We have to be mature and stable enough to love someone before it's going to work. I'd recommend you focus on yourself alone for a while. You have a lot to sort out. I wish you the best.

I crave attention, companionship, and sex. She has had a hysterectomy, and she has a bad knee.

My wife no longer wants sex

Hi Hampton,Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you.This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right? Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.

I've been with my husband for eight years now. We have split twice before, and the first time was because he cheated. I took him back months later, and he really tried making it up to me by making a lot of changes. However, we continued to have issues because of my lack of trust. My insecurities and trust issues lead to physical abuse, which lead to us separating again. During that separation, he consoled himself by talking to the same girl he cheated on me with. But we then ended up back together and worked it out for a while until I got pregnant with our second child. The baby was a few months old, and he confessed to me about his secret relationship with her. He told me how he could never stop talking to her and how, during our issues, she has been and is the only women he's gone behind my back with (but on a friendship level because she's miles away). He confessed how he fought feelings for her and feels like he's possibly in love with her too. He said he feels like he's in love with the both of us now because this women has fallen for him, and she hasn't been able to leave him alone since. Even though she knows that he's still with me and happy with our family, she cant help it, and he confessed how his feeling for her are mutual. Being that he loves me too, he wanted to be with the both of us at the same time. He wanted to have affairs with her behind my back by flying her out and staying at a hotels, but he didn't want me to find out, so he told me everything. He said he didn't want to continue to lie to me and so I can finally stop accusing him of being with other women when it's only been this one girl the whole time. He feels like my insecurities and trust issues are what pushed him closer towards her, and that no matter what he did to do right, I would still accuse him. He's caught up in his feelings and pretty much says that he wants her but doesn't want me to leave him because I'm the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I'm of course hurt and in shock. I feel like I have to make a decision on whether I want to allow it and deal with having to share him or walk away. Both of these decisions are really hard to make because I feel like whether I stay or go, my heart will still be torn apart. I have to make a decision quick because she will be flying out sooner than I thought.

Do I leave my cheating husband or share him with someone?

Hi Jayuya, I'm struggling in this moment with my own biases. I have biases that are about respect and every individual's need for and right to respect. Your husband lies, cheats and physically hurts you. He makes excuses and blames you for these behaviours and trains you to do the same. He demonstrates many controlling and abusive behaviours. And now, in an attempt to manipulate and silence you, he wants to have his cake and eat it too and suggests you should share him? There aren't many crumbs of this cake left for you, are there?So, my biases about respect don't make me want to rescue you or tell you what to do; I can't do that, and I don't think either of those things will help you. I'd like to ask you some questions though...Are you happy? Do you know what happy is? Do you know what respect is? Are your children safe? Are your children witnessing violence (because if they are, then they're not safe)? Do you have supports? Do your family and friends know what's happening in your life? Have you ever been to a women's shelter? Are you willing to sit down in an office with a professional who can help you think clearly? That's what I suggest. These are big decisions, you deserve some support. I wish you the best.

I just got married with my husband. I have four kids of my own, and he accepts me with my kids. I am thankful he loves my kids even though theyre not his. Now we are having problems in our relationship because of my past. I know all marriages have problems, but sometimes I feel its not going to work out if theres no trust. Its hard for me to let go because I love him, but I am getting tired.

What can i do if there is no trust in our relationship?

Hi Louisiana,You say that the problems are with your "past", but my hunch is the problems are about his insecurity and his personal barriers to trust (unless you've recently revealed details of a sordid past?). You don't mention ever having hurt the trust in the relationship.Trust is the first stage in a relationship. Moving forward before they develop trust is a common mistake couples make, and now you two have involved children in a relationship that's missing a crucial element. But you didn't see this coming, did you? That's because only as we become emotionally intimate do our deeper fears and insecurities come to the surface.I give you credit for wanting it to work, and I believe you would benefit from the support of a therapist in working through the kinks related to trust. Good luck!

My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a couple of weeks. He had to have a cyst removed on his testicles. I have been wanting to have sex with him for a while now, and it drives me crazy not to be able to make love to him. I'm scared to touch him and get close to him because I'm afraid that I will hurt him.

I'm scared of hurting my boyfriend after he had a cyst removed from his testicles

Are you talking with your boyfriend about his doctor advises on starting to have sex again?Being able to talk together about topics that involve both of you, will establish a new type of intimacy on an emotional level.Also, there are many ways of making love. If your bf's cyst hasn't yet healed, then another way of both increasing your emotional intimacy and learning different love making suggestions, is to read about these together with him.I hope the two of you enjoy learning new ways of sexually taking care of one another, while developing more emotional closeness in the process.

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

My husband works all the time and neglects his family

Hi Ohio, The crazy things about situations like this is that, almost guaranteed, while your husband is out working and away from home, he feels he's doing it all for you and the kids; he believes he's loving you. He might feel like he's carrying his family on his shoulders. Your 'love language' is different...you'd rather spend time with him or talk to him...you want to feel like he's a bigger part of the family and feel connected to him. I absolutely understand that, and I support you asking for that.He might very well miss that feeling of connectedness too, but he's likely also feeling the weight of financial responsibility. A lot of men (and women) don't talk about this but they feel it. Sometimes they feel like they can't win either way; there's pressure to earn and pressure to be home.He has needs too; he probably wants more appreciation and less blame.I urge you to talk to him about how you feel, find out how he's feeling, and use a professional to assist you if your communication styles aren't great. Right now you WANT to spend time with him and that tells me that you have a good chance of addressing this problem successfully.

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

My husband works all the time and neglects his family

I'm glad you're aware to expect more satisfaction from being part of a couple, than you currently describe yourself as having.Are you and your husband able to talk about any or all of what you've written here?His answers would be a starting point for knowing how he understands his share of your relationship and whether and how he would like making any changes.If the two of you feel too much tension in the relationship to bring up any of the topics you write about here, then ask yourself the reason for this.Very commonly, people are afraid to ask questions of their partner, even when feeling unhappy and that they'd like changes to the relationship.Often, people are fearful of harsh criticism by the partner and worry that by simply stating the reasons for feeling unhappy, will mean hearing judgments against them, spoken by the partner.It is always a good idea to utilize the services of a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist, if after trying to start a conversation on the topics you bring up here, does not go well or very far.For all of us, the emotions in our intimate relationships are deep and powerful. They are not easy to handle, especially under tension and frustration.Sending lots of good wishes for future happiness!

How do I stop those thoughts?

I want to have sexual experiences with adults, male or female

The thoughts you are having are just thoughts. Not actions. It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts. If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great. If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts,you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist. Take care.

What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually?

Talking to your partner about what's off would be a good place to start, but sometimes that can be really hard to muster the courage to do alone. It may not feel emotionally safe to dive into. This is where couples, and even more specifically, sex therapy can be really helpful. Therapy with a qualified professional can help to hold a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to open and explore these dynamics. You can also pick up some amazing books like Passionate Marriagewhich could be what you need to get that conversation started.

What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually?

Depends: What do would you like to see happen?

I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

Any suggestions for erection problems?

When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good article for you to start with.

I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

Any suggestions for erection problems?

Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women.There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run.If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!

My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result. Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help.

My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do?

You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating. It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here:http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it!

We make love once per month. Is it normal?

My wife and I have been married for over 3 years and we're tired of having sex

To begin with, what's normal for one couple isn't going to be normal for the next, every couple has their own normal and that's important to keep in mind. Your sexual lives will ebb and flow. What I'd be more curious about is the quality rather than the quantity of the sex you are having. I'd also want you both to refocus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about exactly that a while back and you can find it here.

When having sex I think of other men and want other men all day long. Been married 3 years, together 14. What do you think?

I tell my husband I love him. But I don't believe it or feel it

Sustaining passion in marriage is tough stuff. It's a relatively modern dilemma you are facing with perhaps unrealistic expectations of what marriage "should" be. It sounds like your definitions of love and sexual passion have merged together, that's both common and confusing! Intimacy and sexuality within your marriage are bound to ebb and flow. Resparking your passion will involve growing. Using your sexual drama and fantasies as windows into discovering your needs (security) and wants (desires). Marriage is a people growing process; you mature into one another and to achieve fulfillment your continued development will be required.

I have this weird fetish that I'm afraid to open up about it. What should I do?

How do I deal with a weird fetish I'm afraid of opening up about?

This is difficult to answer because you dont tell us what the fetish is. I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though.The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not. If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings. You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of. You may find other people have the same interest as you. Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them. Dont hold back with your therapist. Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are. There is no need to suffer with this alone.

My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this.

What should I do if my boyfriend can't get over my past?

I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles.One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STDs before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you dont like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I dont necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly dont want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just dont want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though.If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Dont keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I dont see that you have done anything wrong. If you arent cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Dont fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.

I have no sex drive due to medical issues. Ive shut down completely and closed everyone out. Ive even told my husband that I wanted a divorce since thats what I thought he wanted to hear. However, it devastated me when I learned he's seeing someone else. Ive since told him that I wanted to work things out but hes not sure I actually mean it. He thinks the only reason I want him back is because Im jealous. How do I show him Im serious?

I'm losing my husband because my lack of sex drive

Im sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship.The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.Best of luck to you and your husband!

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I dont think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

I just lost my grandpa

I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death? That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief. Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.