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9qh3me

aita for not giving up my handicapped seat at the theater to a person with a neck brace

solved: i'm the asshole and wouldn't do it again, but ffs y'all aren't gonna change someone's mind by being an asshole as well. just try to reason with someone who doesn't see things your way. some of you should ask yourselves if you're the assholes from the messages i'm getting. this happened a few years ago and was prompted by the other movie theater post i saw on this sub. it was opening weekend for django unchained and i went to see it with my mom because we both love tarantino's films. we show up 15 minutes early and the only seats available next to eachother were the handicapped seats in a theater where you can choose your seats. we both agreed that if someone who was handicapped came in we would move seats. the movie starts and about 10 minutes in a guy in a soft neck brace (cast?) walks in with his lady friend and an employee. the employee comes up and asks if we can move to separate seats from each other for a disabled guy. i said i don't think that guy needs these specific seats to watch the movie. the employee stared back at me in disbelief and then walked back to tell the couple. there were two other people who didn't give up their seats on the other side of the aisle as well. it honestly felt like a larry david moment to me. could go either way, but i'm probably the asshole. imo that dude should've shown up on time and snagged a good seat for himself and his lady friend. the screen was big enough to where he wouldn't have to move his neck.

yta

yta absolutely and certainly. you literally said “if needed i’ll get up” but then basically decided the dude wasn’t disabled enough.

yta. by now, you know it wasn’t your place to judge if he was disabled “enough” but if that truly was the way to judge, just by eyeballing someone - he was in a neck brace, you weren’t, therefore based on the appearance assessment, he was more disabled than you.

9qhdwg

aita for asking my so to not be friends with a person i hate?

so and i work at the same place. there is this jackass person at work whom i hate to death! this person is the most selfish, double faced, home wrecking person that i have ever met in my entire life. (agreed i could be exaggerating but i hate from the bottom of my heart) and i am the kind of person who can't just be nice to people on their face when i don't like them. my so however is nice to everyone and makes friends with everyone and also with this person. however i just don't want my so to be friends with that person with a sheer fear that they might take advantage of my so. we had a major fight when i asked my so to understand my hatred and at least be conscious that it would make me feel bad if they hangout beyond work situations. aitah for asking this from my so? [edit] i did have a personal experience with this person and have developed the hatred because of it.

yta

yta. by overseeing who you feel like your so can or can’t hang out with, you’re basically telling them they are incapable of making healthy, rational and independent choices without you.

yta. you cannot ban another person from talking or being friendly with someone, that's extremely possessive and unhealthy. you shared your concerns about this person with your so, now it's up to them whether they wish to interact with this person you hate so much.

9qheb8

aita for recently broken up best friend wanting to cuddle and me denying it while in a relationship?

i would like to give some backstory because its a lot more complicated then what the title gives off. basically im 16 i have a girlfriend. one of my best friends that is a girl wanted to cuddle in my bed along with another guy friend. i declined and kept my distance, now dont get me wrong she doesn't like me i know that for a fact. shes just touchy and she is upset after the breakup understandably. my friend that was also there that night cuddling with her was msging her and she said that i was annoyed by her and she was upset that was the case, my friend said i had a girlfriend and she said "its only platonic" and my friend kind of agreed with her which idk kinda annoyed me. i completley understand that its just cuddling and shes my best friend, but out of respect of my girlfriend and what i also feel is right i think its rude that i would do that, ill ask my girlfriend about it but its very awkward to bring up and im kinda worried about mentioning it because shes insecure about herself. anyways im not annoyed that in the moment she asked me to cuddle, i'm just annoyed that she says im a pussy for not doing it (in a joking way) and that im bring unreasonable, its just very irritating that she refused to understand my side idk maybe i am wrong because my friend doesnt think im totally right, but thats why i have to ask, am i an asshole for not cuddling with my best friend after a breakup?

nta

nta. if you're uncomfortable, it isn't rude to pass on a weird group cuddle fest.

nta. even though it may have been “innocent” from her pov, you felt uncomfortable and it seems as though you expressed that clearly. good for you for staying your ground.

9qhtqh

aita for yelling an expletive at a kid for hitting me in the back because he thought i was someone else?

a few weeks ago, my boyfriend and i were shopping and all of a sudden i feel someone punch me in the back, hard. i turn around and it’s this little kid (between 6-8) yelling “juddddyyy” at me. i looked up and saw his parents kind of smiling and going “that’s not her,” and my bf next to me starts awkwardly laughing a little. i was really annoyed at this point, but didn’t want to make things awkward so kind of laughed along. i figured, honest mistake, kid thought i was judy. two minutes later this fucking kid is yanking on my hood going “judddddyyy. come on judy!” the parents were a slightly more aggressive in their “that’s not her,” but still not running after their kid or holding him back again. my bf was still kind of awkwardly laughing and saying “he thinks you’re someone else ha ha ha.” at this point, i was just annoyed at the frikin parents because had i hit a stranger in the back and was going back to do more, my parents would’ve physically held me back and made it explicitly clear that the stranger was not judy (whoever the fuck judy is). the kid’s relentless cries of “juddddyyy” coupled with the parents not even lifting a finger to get their fucking kid made me say “what the fuck dude,” and angrily stormed away. i briefly heard the mom go “he didn’t know,” but i was halfway out the store at this point to confront her further. my bf claims i was kind of an asshole. i felt like one because i thought i could’ve given the kid a few more chances, but what the fuck man. just because you’re used to your annoying ass kid hitting you in the back doesn’t mean we all are. all i wanted to see was some effort from them to get their child! aita?

nta

nta. those parents are huge assholes for forcing *you* to reach that point. if you’re not willing to teach your child how to behave appropriately, and to (at least attempt to) control unacceptable behavior in public, you really shouldn’t have kids.

nta. that kid is the asshole. being 8 doesn’t mean you’re not being an asshole when you’re punching people in the back. the parents clearly weren’t going to do anything about it. you’re allowed to defend yourself.

9qhw0q

aita for not sympathizing more with infertile people?

so i have autism and when i'm upset about an argument it can turn into an unhealthy obsession for days. i had a discussion weeks ago on facebook that led to me obsessing for days because people saw me as a bad person. it was in a facebook group about the show this is us. the character kate is trying to get pregnant. some fans irrationally hate her and botch about her a lot, i do not hate her but i may have been mistaken as one of those people. i stated that i have trouble empathizing with kate because there are so many children out there who need parents, and that i hoped the show would address this perspective (it eventually did). i acknowledged that maybe i was an asshole but the more pushback i got, the more defensive and extreme i became in my viewpoint. i tried to let it go but kept seeing people say things like "kate is experiencing most women's worst fear by not being able to have biological children". i'm sorry but if that's someone's worst fear, they need to get a fucking grip. to clear some misconceptions people probably had. i don't think it's wrong to have biological children. i don't think it's wrong to want biological children. i am aware that there are various reasons people who want to adopt can't. i realize adoption comes with its own set of issues. i have no issue with people who do both. i just can't muster much sympathy for someone who is in despair and feeling like their life is ruined because they can't have a child when there is a child out there in equal despair because they have no parents. people attacked me saying i didn't know what it was like to struggle with infertility. well, i also don't know what it's like to be a child who needs a home but i bet they don't either. i was accused of having no compassion by people who said truly selfish things like "why should i adopt when i have other options?" maybe because helping someone in need isn't all about you? in a world with overpopulation, we as a species should be intelligent enough to say "we don't all need biological children just because our bodies are making us want them". we should have enough compassion for others to say "adoption will be my first choice, or at least higher on my list of options than a last resort because there are children in need". even if i'm wrong, i was still clearly coming at it from the perspective of a group in need. i weigh an orphan child's need for a home above some person who is well-off enough to consider having children's want for a biological child. i don't understand how people act like adopting is a lesser option but then claim they would love an adopted child equally. how am i lacking compassion here? i want people who are in a position to have children to treat adoption s more than a last resort because they aren't the only ones suffering and are clearly in a position to help someone who is suffering. it is selfish to despair over a problem that can be solved by helping someone in need. and yes, contrary to what these people thought of me, i have been deprived of things that were extremely important to me. and i will probably have fertility issues due to medication.

yta

yta. if you are telling people that they need to get a fucking grip, and that their fears are not valid, that's assholish. it's cool if you don't feel sympathetic, or if you can't relate. there's no reason to rant about someone who is suffering about how they're being selfish, and that we don't need biological children. there's nothing assholish about not wanting kids, appreciating adoption over fertility treatment or whatever. it's another to take a stand against someone who is feeling bad because you think they're a bad person for even feeling bad in the first place. that you think they should feel less bad about the things they're feeling bad about and more bad about something you feel is more important.

yta because you are trying to tell other people that their struggles and desires aren't valid. it's not as simple as "well, i want biological kids but technically adopting would be better so i'll just do that". infertility is more than just "i can't have biological kids." for you to say that people's struggles and despair about it is something they should "get a grip on" is just cruel.

9qi23k

aita for not letting a little kid decline on an airplane

so i just got off an airplane and might have been a jerk. so i was sitting on the airplane leaning foreword (head resting on the seat in front of me) when someone applies a lot of force to the back of the seat. it hurt, so i pressed my head harder against the seat so when the person reclined, it pushed their seat foreword. i was listing to music so i didn’t know this kid was little; i assumed they were a spoiled adult. when we got off the plane, i saw a little nine-ish looking girl get out of the seat. she didn’t give me a nasty look or anything, but i still felt bad.

yta

yta. you were resting on her seat!

yta. she had every right to recline her seat. she was sitting in her chair properly you were not. you should not have been blocking it with your head. you should have asked politely for her not to recline if it bothered you. in the future that’s what you should do if you want to ascot like an adult. also you should be prepared for them to say no.

9qi2vh

aita for no longer offering help to a friend regarding schoolwork?

context: in college, taking a computer science course ok. there’s a kid i’m friendly with in my computer science class. i’ll call him jimmy. since the beginning of class jimmy has struggled with coding (we are learning java). i’ve helped him out regularly, doing study sessions with him in the library and helping him with homework. lately though he’s just been copying my work, during labs he’ll sit next to me and just copy whatever i type. i told jimmy i wasn’t going to help him unless he tried himself and he got really mad at me and stopped hanging out with me. am i making a big deal out of it? i just feel kinda cheated when someone uses my work. i understand that he needs help and i’m happy to give it to him but i feel like he isn’t trying. thoughts?

nta

nta, he’s lazy and shooting himself in the foot big time. doesn’t sound like a good friend if he’s gonna stop talking to you when you stop letting him cheat off of you.

nta. i know a lot of people who used to do that in my classes and now they can't code a "hello world" to save their lives. seriously, i know a lot of people like your friend who pretty much copied everything off of me or other classmates and now are struggling big time with basic concepts and don't know what to do if they have to make their own code. in the long run, if that's going to be his career of choice then he's starting off on the wrong foot.

9qi9mz

aita for coming to work sick (barely)

last friday i was working in my yard and started developing allergies. as the weekend progressed my itchy eyes and runny nose turned into a sore throat with a mild cough. i woke up this morning feeling not great but not enough to justify staying home from work. i am already taking off this friday to take a professional exam and using pto to do so and next month i will be gone for 10 days on vacation so pto is not something i want to use often. i work as an engineer and need to access certain programs which makes working from home possible but incredibly unproductive. ​ a lot of people have been asking me today if i am sick since my voice sounds a little nasally and when i respond that i am feeling a little bit under the weather i have seen several of them make an annoyed face for which i can only interpret as frustration that i came into work slightly ill. also, several of them have "jokingly" asked why i came into the office if i felt sick today. aita? ​ ​

nta

nta. you are trying to be a good employee. if you came to work with something incredibly contagious, you would be the asshole.

we live in a world with other humans. sometimes we are ill. nta because you did consider all the pto you had and such, looking to the future and you felt you could weather this. hope you feel better soon!

9qia4c

aita parents didn't tell me their children were special needs because they were desperate for a babysitter

a few months back i was hired to babysit for a new family. this was only my second babysitting job, at the time i didn't know to schedule a meeting or anything ahead of time. i showed up and only then did the mom tell me that one of the kids has autism (i'll call him james, he was about 13 btw) and the other one has adhd (i'll call him dylan, he was like 9 i think) and was not medicated or anything while i babysat. i have no background or training in either of these. i have adhd, but idk how to handle an adhd child. it ended up as a disaster. dylan was alright for the first hour or two since he just watched videos on his ipad the entire time, but when james discovered that his parents were gone (i found out later that the parents hadn't told james they were leaving) he freaked out. he started yelling "what are you doing in my house?!! get out" and started hitting me with a drum stick he had and climbing on me, pinching me, biting me, and anything else he could do to hurt me. then dylan took this opportunity to run off and grab mini cupcakes and start eating them. i ended up having to try to fight him for the cupcakes while james was still trying to hurt me. this goes on for about 3 hours until the parents came home. i told them exactly what happened. they kind of shrugged it off and didn't even offer me any sort of extra compensation or apology. they're now trying to convince me to babysit again, saying they only left that info out because nobody would if they mentioned it and they really need a babysitter. she said the medicine and stuff for their kids costs so much they can't afford a specialized babysitter for special needs they said that when they disclose that the children are special needs it scares nearly everyone off and they can never get any kind of alone time outside of the house because their kids require so much attention idk if i'm a bad person for refusing or wanting more money for my trouble. i genuinely can see their side of it, but also i'm terrified of going back into that house. edit: added more info on their side to clarify their reasoning for not being able to pay more for a qualified sitter

nta

nta. i’ve heard of parents doing this before and they’re only harming themselves. if you have no training and don’t feel comfortable looking after the kids, you shouldn’t. it’s the parents’ responsibility to find a good babysitter. and if they can’t afford it, they can’t go out. that’s unfortunately part of the sacrifices that comes with being a parent

absolutely nta. the parents are major fucking assholes, though.

9qibir

aita for exiling one of my gamer friends from our gaming group?

so i play a moba with a group of guys. we’re all dudes in our late 20s early 30s and play competitively but also to blow off steam. recently, let’s call him roger, has been really demanding and picking fights with the rest of the guys. i’m passive and usually tell everyone to simmer down. this is beyond petty in game fighting that is over once the game ends. roger does this every game for three games straight. he demands that everyone let him have the kills. complains if anyone joins the lane he is farming in. yells at us that we let him get killed. this has been happening several times a week. today, we had 1 slot left on our team. either joe or roger was going to have to get left out. i left roger out. i explained to him that people were getting irritated with his constant complaining and he was dragging down the vibe of the group. i also suggested he find others to play with because this isn’t working. people were actually leaving the queue if he got queued up with us, to avoid his complaining. of course, he called me an asshole and ranted about it to all our mutual friends, most who are agreeing with me just not to his face. i mean, was this a dick move? should we just have sucked it up cause it’s just a game? you’d think that adult men could put their pettiness aside and just play.

nta

nta. this guy sounds like he is removing the fun from the game, which is the point of video games imo. banhammer.

nta. but he may well be dealing with some shitty issues in his life. basically let him back in if he approaches you a bit more humbly and nicely.

9qiyh2

aita for not walking around a car?

aita in this situation or not? i just found this sub and this confrontational situation in my very non-confrontational life happened earlier today. on my walk home from class i stopped to get chinese food and had to cross the street. it’s important to note that this crossing is parallel to one of the busiest intersections in my town, and that this particular crosswalk has a large sign dividing the two halves of the road, so the driver would not have been able to see me already crossing. halfway through crossing the road, just passed the sign, at the designated time for pedestrians to cross, the car in question zoomed out, nearly hitting me and blocking the entire crosswalk. his front bumper was about 6 inches into the intersection. i stood next to his car and firmly asked him to reverse out of the crosswalk, and he adamantly refused to do so because i could just walk around the front. i told him no because that would have put my life in danger, as well as what he was doing being illegal (i bluffed the second part i honestly have no idea about it’s legality). while doing this i waved to the car behind him to give him some room to reverse, which they thankfully did, giving him about 5 more feet of it. in the end he gave me about 6 inches of the crosswalk while refusing to give any more and i flipped him off. he could have reversed more, but i could just walked behind him when the other car reversed and he continued to refuse to give me more room. ladies, gents. aita?

nta

nta. on a side note i was expecting your story to end with so i walked across his hood, for what it’s worth if you had don’t that i still wouldn’t call you an asshole.

nta and i hate it when people don’t just own up to a situation when they know they’re in the wrong and it is easily corrected. the driver is the asshole here.

9qj19s

aita for not attending an abusive family member's funeral?

my family is trying to guilt me into attending this funeral because they feel it will make them look bad if i'm the only one who isn't attending. this person did not abuse me personally, but abused their spouse horribly and treated their kids poorly. i was never close with this person for these reasons and many more, and several years ago i fully cut ties from this person and some other family members who are just as bad (who would be at the funeral, and i *strongly* do not want to see as i cut them out years ago for very good reason). so, i haven't seen or spoken to this person in *several* years at this point and honestly do not even consider them family. it makes me stressed and anxious to think about going to a funeral to celebrate a horrible person's life, at which i would have to see people i cut out of my life and have no interest in ever being in the same room with again. its especially frustrating because the deceased specifically asked for there to be no funeral. so this whole thing is a dog and pony show to begin with. i genuinely don't care what people think of me for not attending, though i do feel bad that my family may be looked down upon for my absence. i don't want them to be hurt by this but i am also not willing to let awful, narcissistic people back into my life (even for just one night) in order to spare their feelings. am i the asshole for not going along with my family's wishes?

nta

nta. regardless of life or death this dude was an abuser and just because he died does not automatically make that okay. your family shouldn’t be trying to force you into anything especially for the sole fact of, “but it’ll make us look bad!!1!! :(“. you stand your ground and if people get pissed off, so be it.

nta. funerals are a place to pay respect for the dead, and if you don't have any respect to pay then there's no reason for you to be there.

9qjj4o

aita for calling bf’s dick small after he called my boobs small

so he told me that he saw a chick with “massive tits.” i said, “thanks for telling me about random chick’s tits.” he said that i had none and she had enough tits for 12 people? so anyways, we move on and talk about other things. he keeps bringing it up though, calling me his “titless girlfriend,” saying “my girlfriend has no tits,” so i made a little, joking jab at him saying “i don’t call particular parts of your body small,” and he got upset and said “okay talk later.” i didn’t outright say his dick, but it is small. and i don’t have a problem with that. i’ve never said anything negative about it before, and before this i’ve never even referenced his dick size and he always talks to me about how small my boobs are. i was only joking around with him as well. i really don’t have any issues with his dick size. was i the asshole here??

nta

nta. if he's going to make jokes like that, he should at least be ready to take jokes like that.

nta. play tiny dick games, win tiny dick prizes. also your boyfriend is an incredible asshole.

9qju8k

aita for telling my group members i’ll go solo if they don’t put in more effort on an assignment

so here’s what happened today in class our teacher gave us a two part assignment to find a movie scene and commercial and analyze the music used in them with the seven elements of music. i said i’d do the commercial and i did it all in class which is half the assignment, and by the end of class they were still looking for a movie scene to pick. the assignment is due wednesday but i told them if they don’t pick up the pace tomorrow i’ll do the assignment solo and leave them to hang. then a person who’s not even in my group said “ what are you b* in about” it wasn’t really her business but the person who i told needs to pick up the pace told them that i said to work faster or work alone, to which she said “ she’d be better off without your little whiny a** anyway b****” i didn’t say anything rude back to her because the teacher had walked back into the classroom but i have to wonder with such a large outburst from someone it doesn’t even effect( or is it affect (i’m bad at english)) am i the asshole ? update : i apologized to them and we got the project done today !!

yta

yta. that’s a pretty intense response on your part. if you guys had been given this assignment a week ago of course you should expect them to hurry up, but geez you were just given the assignment today. in my experience usually not a lot of work gets done for a group project on the day it is assigned and you kind of just need to get used to it. also, i’ve got to say a three day assignment isn’t likely to be that important or affect your grade that much to get so worked up over. like the other commenter said i think it would have been more acceptable to wait until 24 hours before it was due.

yta, people work at their own pace and you do not know if said person could have went home to do it that day. every person manages their timely differently, but what matters is that is done by the end of it, no need to rush people unless they literally do it a hour before its due.

9qklmk

aita for only being attracted to skinny girls?

am i an asshole for only being attracted to skinny girls? i'm just, not attracted to girls with even a little amount of chubbiness. i don't treat people any differently based of their weight, but when it comes to sexual attraction, i mean, the skinnier the hotter. is this, selfish? or asshole-ish?

nta

nta. it's called being human, we have our different likes and dislikes.

nta. just be kind and discreet about it in public.

9qklog

aita for believing boy scouts and girl scouts should be separated by gender?

i’m a mother of two boys. my oldest has recently joined boy scouts. the scouts have recently changed their policy. girls can now join the boy scouts. i just don’t understand this. i’m a strong minded woman who believes in equality but this just seems a bit over the top. why can’t boys have a place where they can have fellowship and girls have a place where they can have fellowship??? what’s wrong with brownies and girl scouts? isn’t allowing girls into boy scouts saying “being a girl scout is less than.”

nta

nta, but not the genius either. the bsa is not fully erasing the gender divide, but allowing girls to join its troops in separate patrols. this move says nothing about the girl scouts, it in no way suggests that there is anything wrong with the gsa. it says there’s something right about the bsa in recognizing that its program might and should benefit girls as well

nta but i think you’re viewing it in a somewhat pessimistic way. young girls and boys are treated like different species that must be segregated in america, and i think this is largely the reason why we have so much sexism and/or confusion, anxiety, and miscommunication between both sexes in adulthood—and why so many american men (obviously not all of them) have poor attitudes toward women, in and out of relationships. my boyfriend was raised in southwestern europe, and the way they interact with the opposite sex there from birth forward is like night and day. the boys and girls were never separated and were always together as a uniform group. they grew up around and with the opposite sex and thus had just as many male friends as female friends. they had no awkward, socially inept qualms about befriending the opposite sex and didn’t have to rely on rumors and stereotypes to determine what they thought of the opposite sex; they could rely on personal experience as they were never separated from each other. when he came here, he got a culture shock—he found he couldn’t be friends with girls without others thinking he “liked” them, or the girls themselves would assume he wanted to pursue them and then would get offended and break off the friendship when they realized he only liked hanging out with them the same as his guy friends. i also find him to be much more emotionally intelligent, perceptive, and communicative than any other guy i’ve spent time around, period. and he has always treated me and other women around us with respect. i look at him and his upbringing as a huge testament to what raising children in completely co-ed settings can do for gender relations.

9qkytk

aita if i want my girlfriend to cook and clean while i work?

so i have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and i do care for her. anyways i am working 40+ hours a week, plus going to school right after my shift for another 8 hours. i do my own dishes, laundry, cleaning, and cooking (but i prefer her cooking). she has not worked in over a year and i pay all the bills and rent. i asked her once day if she can do the "housework" whenever i work and i'll do it when i'm off. she goes on this whole speech about how men shouldn't dominate women, that i'm sexist, i'm not fair to her, i don't spend enough time to her, i should give her spending money, and that i do nothing except play video games and sleep. she then explains that she worked 2 part time jobs at the same time for 4 months and she struggled for long enough. she then proceeds to cry, make me feel bad, then threatens suicide if i don't listen to her (i do have a small firearms collection). i don't have the heart or the spirit to break up with her because i'm too close to her family and they've excepted me. not sure what i'm doing wrong.

nta

nta. > not sure what i'm doing wrong. ​ you are dating a selfish lunatic. you sound young. this is bad news. you don't want a life partner who doesn't want to pull her weight in the relationship. you also do not want a partner who holds you hostage emotionally - no matter how nice her family is to you. i am serious - you are signing up for a life of misery if you stay with this girl. so: 1. lock up your guns somewhere she can't get them. 2. police your sperm. you don't want her getting pregnant. 3. get your shit in order. 4. move out and move on.

nta! you need to end this relationship soon as possible. she will grind you down. she is unstable, not to mention lazy as fuck. no way would i sit on my butt all day then leave the housework and cooking to you (i’m female) she’s taking advantage of you massively.

9ql9yo

aita for befriending someone with mental problems but avoiding him because he’s annoying?

the person in question is a coworker who has social difficulties of a caliber i’ve never seen before—it’s not uncommon to find his fingers clasped as he stares at the floor while quickly and awkwardly roaming around. the individual is almost 30 (i’m younger than 25), and seems to have the life experience and opinions of someone half that age. to place his social adversities into perspective, his mom buys his gas because he’s afraid to go in public anymore than is absolutely necessary... one day he mustered the courage to speak to me as he and i were placed together taping and labeling boxes. it was a short comment about my shirt. i answered him and was happy to talk about the game my shirt referenced. i was aware already that he must have a hard life (given his social apathy and behavior) and struggle making friends/girlfriends, and so i was happy to entertain him. what became of this was a strange relationship were he would stalk me everywhere i go within the facility. at first, i dealt with it. i used it as an opportunity to get closer to him and see who he is and let him know who i am in the process. we talked a lot. we walked a lot. we even played some games together (one of my friends was beyond surprised upon learning that he’s about to be 30). over the next few weeks, and what is now a couple of months, he has officially established himself to me as someone who i don’t want to be around. 1.) he seems to enjoy disagreeing with me solely for the sake of it. he’s obstinate and simple minded with no ability to form nuanced opinions. he once said something about thinking blacks and whites shouldn’t marry because that “leaves more women for him” (he’s a white virgin). the opinion made no sense whatsoever. 2.) he awkwardly jogs to me (which is embarrassing for me) at any point in which work is lax and walks so closely our elbows bump. 3.) he’s offered me money to “find him a woman.” he seems to hate women but like them at the same time. he asks about my girlfriend constantly! (see number 6). 4.) he “gravitates” or “orbits” around me when i’m working without realizing how weird it is. he scurries off like a roach in almost a panicked run if any of my friends come up to speak to me. i don’t like feeling like i have a shadow but i can’t exactly tell him to fuck off without hurting his feelings. 5.) he accidentally admitted to thoroughly stalking my facebook account. weird, but okay. 6.) he admitted to thinking my girlfriend and were siblings and “hating” me briefly when he discovered we were dating because he liked her. 7.) he’s passive aggressive and once messaged me saying “you two seem close” when i got home after befriending a new guy from work. he said something to effect of “i’m deleting this game i can tell you don’t like playing with me on it.” 8.) he offered (on the first or second day of befriending him) to buy me a pc to play with him. i declined. so, i’m fucking ignoring him. i hate to upset him as i understand his problems are *severe* and he needs a friend, but i can’t do it! i thought in the beginning a friendship was possible but i was wrong. i assumed he was the intelligent and introspective because of his shyness but he’s not. **tldr**: i befriended someone with debilitating social (and perhaps mental) problems but he turned out to be an annoying, stalker and a clingy type of guy that i am now ignoring.

nta

nta you're in the right who to sociate with outside of work. at work, he is your coworker and at best, acquaintance.

nta. in my opinion you should either sit him down and explain that his behavior interrupts your work or perhaps introduce him to other coworkers and leave them to handle him. ultimately just don’t keep ignoring him, some people with that mindset get unhealthily fixated and could resort to some drastic measures to regain the friendship. at least that’s what lifetime movies have taught me

9qlq9g

wibta for refusing my boss's standards of "professionalism"?

i work as a software developer, and currently my boss is attempting to get me (and others) to go work onsite for one of our clients. this is an infrequent but not unusual arrangement at our workplace. apparently my boss has sent over a profile of my skills and the client's expressed interest in having me for an interview. but then things jammed up... i have neon coloured hair. i've had it for the last couple of years (in various shades), with permission, and the encouragement of all in the office. the only time i sacrificed it was the last time i was sent to a client site, when my boss insisted i dye it back or get it cut. and since i was due for a cut anyway, i gave in. eventually i coloured it back (while still at the client's) and they loved it. but now things are different. i'm growing it out. i don't want to cut it. i don't want to dye it and then have to rebleach it later, due to the damage. and my boss is refusing to let me go for the interview if i don't, which i think is grossly unreasonable. we have no dress code, i typically dress like a lazy teenager, and as mentioned i've had wild coloured hair for years. his view is that it's unprofessional and will cause them to view us negatively, or at least as a wildcard. i'm not in a country (or city) where coloured hair (or piercings, or tattoos) is unusual, and i've never met any view of my hair more hostile than a curious double-take. wibta by standing my ground and refusing his request/demand?

nta

nta. you'd be totally fine to refuse changing your hair; your office has no work code, and in your field there's a lot of people who don't adhere to traditional standards of professionalism. so, morally, you're fine. ​ that said, i would weigh the benefits of keeping your hair against the drawbacks of pissing your boss off. personally, i wouldn't want to work at a place where the color of my hair made a significant impact on how i was treated. so, if your boss is anything less than grudgingly understanding, i would look for a new place of employment. but that's just me.

nta. could you get a cheap natural colored wig, and then put a hat over it to make it less obvious its a wig?

9qm0gf

aita for hanging out with friends instead of going to the hospital to meet my newborn niece?

i don't usually post stuff in general, so forgive me for the format. a couple of weeks ago, i made plans with some friends to go to the movies and then go to the restaurant. we're all college students and some of us work, so it's necessary that we all plan ahead of time. the day comes and i get a call from my dad letting me know that my sister-in-law's water broke and she's at the hospital getting ready to deliver the baby. after the phone call, i continue my day as normal. i went to go pick up all of my friends once it was time to hang out. i kept getting messages from some family members asking where i was and not in the hospital. i told them i was with some friends, and one of their response was "oh so you'd rather be with your friends instead of meeting your niece?" but the thing was that the baby hasn't even been born yet, they're all just in the waiting room. they've been there for hours actually. i don't know if this sounds mean, but that sounds like a waste of time to me. i'd rather wait until the baby is born and my brother and his wife had enough time to hold her and stuff. it's their first kid, i think they need space with the kid; not a bunch of family members hogging her to take pictures. after the baby is born, my mom calls me demanding for me to go to the hospital. i get that this is important for my brother, but she was acting as if the baby will die if i didn't see her immediately. i got some messages from my brother that my mom is being suffocating with them lol. i text my brother that i plan to meet his baby once everything calms down and they're all settled in their apartment. my mom and some family members disagree with me. they were saying how i was making excuses so i could hang out with my friends. even if i wanted to meet the baby immediately, i don't think it would've been fair for my friends. the baby (hopefully) isn't going anywhere, so i could see her another time. most important of all, my brother was okay with me seeing her another time. nevertheless, my mom was telling me how my brother was sad that i was the only one who didn't meet the baby. i have a strong feeling my mom was lying to make me feel bad, but i'm not sure. what if my brother said it was okay but didn't mean it? should i have told my friends we should hung another time? i really wanted to spend some time with them, though, since it's hard for all of us to see each other often. you guys are honest, did i pull an asshole move for not meeting my niece or am i good? i didn't go to the hospital after i hung out with my friends because it was after midnight and i was tired. tl;dr aita for deciding to spend time with some friends i don't get to see often instead of meeting my niece who was just born?

nta

nta. you have the rest of your nieces life to hold her and spend time with her. those first few moments/days are precious for new parents and i’m sure your brother was more concerned about his wife/child than anything else. i’m sure you were missed to some degree but not to the extent that you should feel guilty about anything. also if your mom is anything like mine, yeah she was blowing that way out of proportion. “your brother was sad” translates to “i had this moment planned out in my head and you ruined it so now i’m projection my own sadness onto someone else to make you feel bad.” i don’t buy it for a second.

ultimately up to your sil and then your brother, but i think nta. i'm sure your sil was grateful for one less person "visiting" early in the am right after she's spent hours in labor...

9qnbfi

aita for freezing up when my friend showed me her self-harm scars?

so i was hanging out with my two friends when one of them told us they had something to show us. i didn't think it was that serious until they rolled up their sleeve and showed us their self-harm scar. i had no idea what to say. did i apologize or give them a hug? so i just went silent. my other friend seemed to know what to say, but i just stood there awkwardly. the next day, my friend sent me a text saying she was sorry and that it "won't happen again". i told her she had nothing to apologize for and that i didn't mean to make her feel bad. but i still felt guilty about it.

nta

nta you weren't expecting to see them and didn't know how to react. you could apologise for being awkward and ask how their doing

nta, it's completely normal to not know how to react, just a part of the 'fight flight freeze' response we have when presented with difficult situations. however it's very likely your friend is thinking to themself something along the lines of 'see? nobody knows what to do, i'm upsetting them, they don't care, i shouldn't show anyone', so it would be well worth talking to them and explaining how you didn't intend to react thr way you did and let them know you can be there for them in less confronting situations.

9qny2v

wibta if i go on a holiday with my parents and miss out on one day with ldr so?

so, my family is planning a 4 day vacantion and they want me to come with them, but we will be returning the next day my ldr bf arrives in my country (he used to live here but his parents moved somewhere else for work, he went with them and his sister and grandpa live in my country, so no hotel costs or anything of the sort). he is very upset about me going with them because durning the summer (he spent the whole summer here) i went to japan for 12 days, and because of that it kinda ruined the summer for us, missed out on many events. i really want to go with them, since i don't spend that much time with family (we live across the street from each other, and each to their own thing) and because i love travelling! but as soon as i told my so (albeit in a kinda cold manner, which i apologised for after) he was very upset.. he'll be here for 9 days, we'll also be going on a mini vacantion durning that time, and imo one day is not that much, but in his it means to world to him. i don't wanna upset him but neither do i wanna miss out on family time. i apologise for any spelling mistakes, i'm on mobile.

nta

nta - seriously, he's not the only person in your life. there are other people who deserve your time. how long was the summer? because i can't believe he'd begrudge you 12 days out of several weeks... honestly it's concerning to me that he would be this controlling over the time you get to spend with other people...

nta. i might say you’re the asshole if the whole trip was when he would be in the country but even then family comes first. don’t expect him to be super understanding since he probably really misses you but if he makes a big deal out of it then at least y’all won’t see eachother for awhile lol

9qo0jb

aita for telling her to fuck off?

i was dating this girl for almost two years, and everything is going fine. we didn't have any arguments or fights or other "couple drama" that you'd think of. our sex life was... scarce to say the least? she never wanted to go "all-the-way" to say the least. however, she expects me to get her off by other means but never does anything towards me. it was a point that really irritated me, but as i'm really antisocial and hate conflicts, i leave it be because i genuinely loved her. cue four months ago when she decides to break up with me by inviting me over in the middle of the night, just for me to walk in on her getting it from another guy. i was pissed and just left and went nc on her. a month ago she tries to reach out to me to apologize and get me to forgive her, which i don't, and i tell her to leave me alone. now all night she was blowing up my phone while i was at work, after i got off i answered and she was balling her eyes out telling me her dad just died and she needed someone, but i don't care so i told her to fuck off and find someone who gives a fuck about her. i feel bad because i still do have a lot of feelings for her, but i don't want anything to do with her. tl;dr girl breaks up with me by having me walk in on her with another guy, blows up my phone bawling because her dad died, i tell her to fuck off.

nta

nta. she was obviously just dragging you along for selfish reasons and just using you. then when she needed support she thought she could just go back to using you. you are far better off staying well away from that. find somebody who enjoys you as much as you enjoy them.

nta whatsoever. if you were that important to her she wouldn’t have treated you like that to begin with, let alone the way she broke it off with you. conscience clear.

9qpcp9

aita for refusing to take off work or cancel my birthday plans to take a friend for an abortion?

okay, i [28f] don’t really know how to explain my position without a wall of text, so i’ll try to keep it to the basics. my friend [26f] mother of 2, recently found out she was pregnant. her boyfriend was very excited. she was not. she currently has two children, one of which is very smart, but *extremely* developmentally delayed. personally, i blame it on bad parenting, but as i am not a parent myself, i don’t feel it is my place to tell her this. i digress. she asked me to take her to the local clinic for an abortion, as she is afraid to ask her boyfriend to take her. she knows he is very excited and does not want to tell him she is not having the baby. (she plans to tell him that she miscarried.) she knows my work schedule, and she knows i cannot arbitrarily ask for personal time, as i am the manager for our hr department. that being said, my birthday is in a couple weeks, and my husband is taking me for an extended weekend away. she has asked me twice already to take off work; she scheduled two appointments at the clinic, both of which were days i am scheduled to work. she became upset when i told her, in advance, i could not leave work. then, she called to make an appointment for the same day as my birthday. she sent a message to my office(!!!) stating that i needed to cancel my birthday trip to take her to the clinic. she did include in the message that she was “sorry it has to be on [my] birthday.” now, maybe i’m insensitive. maybe i’m a bad friend. maybe i’m just a bitch, but i do not care. she already has two children that she does a bang up job of raising. she has no job. she has no income. am i insane for thinking she is selfish for expecting me to put my life on hold to help her fix her mistake? oh, and she has mentioned the cost repeatedly, so i am operating under the assumption that she is going to “forget” her wallet when it comes time to pay. i don’t know this to be true, but i can’t help but expect the worst at this point. i am afraid i’m being an asshole because i’m confident if the roles were reversed, she would take me to get an abortion. in the past, she was a great friend. always there when i needed anything. the last few years, she has been a stage 5 moocher. i just don’t know what to do, or if i should drop my work and plans to help her out.

nta

wow. hard to beleive people like this exist in real life. her not even telling the father shes getting an abortion (bitch move), and expecting you to drop everything... she sounds extremely toxic, and as you described, a terrible mother. you said shes a great friend but she sounds completely toxic to me your nta and should apply for sainthood for even considering to do this

nta, but maybe you could take one for the team (the entire world) and find a way to get her there. schedule an uber maybe?

9qpft4

aita for getting a bartender fired at a music festival i recently went to?

i was recently at a music festival and went to go get a drink and after the bartender handed me my drink he asked for my card so he could swipe it and then when he gave it back to me he said just sign and i noticed there was already a 20% tip put in. initially my first reaction is why is that on there? being the not so confrontational person that i am i don’t say anything and just sign for the drink but i stayed around for a second longer and watched the bartender do the same thing to the person that was next in line. at this point i’m pretty pissed because this guy wasn’t accidentally putting a tip on there and it wasn’t just an automated gratuity that is added on. so i take 15 minutes out of my time, that could be spent enjoying the festival that i’m here for, to go asking around to see who manages these people and i finally found a manager and tell him the deal, he laughs and says, “you’re not serious, right?” i ensure him i am and even walk him over to where it happens where he investigates, at that point i left but i came back to the manager serving drinks and asked him what ended up happening and he said he saw the other bartender adding tips on people’s cards without their consent so he fired him. so aita for getting this bartender fired?

nta

nta. i honestly never tip at festivals because they already make an hourly wage and food/drinks are priced double what they should be, and i'm a bartender myself...

definitely nta. dude was taking people’s money without consent. catching him makes you pretty much the opposite of an asshole.

9qpvt6

aita for not being able to work enough?

so i hold a part time job at cfa and i am 14 years old. i just got an "interesting" email from my supervisor saying that he was upset with everyone who worked there for not being able to work enough. i cant work on tuesdays and wednesdays from 5 on and fridays from 12:30 on and only some saturdays. i am available the rest of the time. aita?

nta

nta. your availability is your decision. they hired you knowing that you're 14 and would have limited hours due to school/family on top of the limited hours that are expected from everyone from general life stuff. your availability doesn't sound unreasonable at all. just be careful in the future - your supervisor might try to schedule you for times you said you weren't available, make sure you tell them right away that you won't work that shift because you can't.

nta. 14 is not the age to be pressured into working more and part-time limited availability is totally normal. worry about school.

9qq0r9

aita for not wanting to sit in a window seat?

i am a bigger guy. not obese, but i need a little extra space. i had booked a flight and paid extra to get the aisle seat in the exit row for the extra leg room. after we had all boarded and the doors were closed, i noticed that the people two rows in front asked to be moved because the tv's on their seats didn't work. i then asked the attendant if i could take both seats as i had a tablet and didn't care about not having a working tv. they said it was okay. it wasn't the exit row, but with the seat next to me empty i had all the room i needed, so i snuggled into the window seat. a few minutes later, i noticed there was an issue with some passengers up near the front of plane. one passenger was moved to my old exit aisle seat. then, a different flight attendant (who didn't know i'd moved) saw the empty seat next to me and asked if another passenger could be put in it. i know the flight attendants have a rough job and i didn't want to cause them more trouble, so i agreed. however, i did move to the aisle seat to get the little bit of extra leg room. when the attendant came back, she said that the other passenger actually needed the aisle seat. i politely but sternly said, "i'm sorry, i'm a bigger guy and i need the space. i actually paid extra and booked the exit row but was told i could move here as it was empty. i'd be happy to have this aisle seat or go back to my originally assigned seat." she immediately got this look on her face, made a loud sigh, said "fine", and stomped off. they managed to sort it out and i got to keep my double seat. however, this flight attendant was giving me the cold shoulder the entire flight. when it was my turn for a drink, i didn't get the "would you like anything to drink?", i got "what do you want". i even had to ask on one round because she almost skipped me. to top it off, i found out that the passenger that she wanted to put in the aisle seat next to me was a woman with a baby. and the reason she was being moved was that she and her baby were in a middle seat with her husband in the aisle and he didn't want to sit in the middle. ​ tldr; aita for refusing to sit in a window seat next to a woman and her baby when i had paid extra aisle for the aisle seat in the exit row?

nta

nta. next time plant yourself firmly in the seat you paid for and calmly but firmly refuse to accommodate others.

nta. you reasonably took care of your needs when booking, then accommodated, when your accommodations were pushed beyond your comfort, you reasonable asked for either your original paid seat, or to keep your current accommodation, you made a reasonable request, calmly. don’t think about this again, i am willing to bet this flight attendant forgot about the incident by her next flight

9qqajn

wibtah if i reported a college professor for their social media post.

i got to a state college and there is a new professor this year. i dont have any classes with said professor, but i eventually will as he teaches my major. after a couple classmates told me they thought he was attractive. having no idea what he looked i googled and found his instagram. his most recent post is a side shot of him angled towards towards the camera giving the bird. the caption reads something to the effect of "when i get an email being asked a question on the syllabus." for people saying it doesn't effect anyone/me, i'm not so sure. while, yes i did take it upon myself to find his instagram, i was also not aware of its existence until another student mentioned it existed. so i'm not the only student to have seen this. like i said originally, i do not currently have classes with him currently, but i absolutely will in the future. when i sign up for a class with a professor i haven't had before, i at least, do a basic google search to check sites like ratemyprofessor.com so i likely would have at least glanced at his instagram. he also has his job title and workplace prominently displayed on his instagram. if he had nothing directly linking him to the college i wouldn't care what he posted. but he is representing the college and his position by displaying it. while i do understand the joke he is trying to convey, and a lot of questions can be answered by checking the syllabus, depending on the professor that is not always true. even if the professor thinks his syllabus is perfect there are likely things a student could question about it. flipping the bird is near universally accepted as a sign of aggression or anger towards the reciever. yes, there are situations where you are joking with friends and it's fine, but this isn't one of those situations. even if he was just flipping the bird to the camera without a caption i wouldn't even think of considering it inappropriate. but with the accompanying caption it could easily be interpreted as being confrontational towards students that ask him questions he deems "dumb" or a "waste of his time". something that is decidedly not the message you want a professor to be conveying. i i really do not want to be the asshole as i do think it is bullshit when nonpublic figures face repercussions at work for things they post on social media if they are not representing their place of work on social media. if someone wants to go on social media and rage at their boss or place of work, i dont care. i'm just not so sure that people working in areas of public influence/responsibility should get that same pass. e2: i also dont think this is a zero sum game of where i win, he loses. i'm not out to get this guy in anyway. i've never met, nor had a class with him but from the bits and pieces overheard about him he seems like a fine teacher and a decent guy.

yta

yta. like you said. others have seen the post. if it hasn't been taken down, obviously his colleagues dont have issue with it, either. i think the "representing" idea is horrible. there are very few professions where you can get fired off duty because you "dishonored your work place". right now you're on the level of people who used to report teachers for having a beer in public. or wait...are you going to make another post for when you inevitably see a teacher in their private time at a bar sloshed off their ass and you want to report that too?? this kid doesnt have tenor. it's his first year. they will look for any reason to not have him back. the post might now show up. a report definitely will.

yta who even cares.

9qrb8i

aita for kinda forcing my way into being invited to a party

this kid in my classes is having a house party. we don’t generally get along cause i think he tries to hard to be popular and is really easily pressured by people to do stuff and in doing so is a dick to people. but anyway i wasn’t invited and i had a word with him but he wouldn’t invite me. i wanted to be invited bad as i’m kinda an inbetweener who’s safe with all the popular kids but don’t really get invited to parties but i didn’t really wanna rock up without an invite like people were telling me too .so i had a word with one of my mates who he really wants to suck up to and he got me an invite despite the fact the guy didn’t want to give me one am i the asshole for getting my mate to do this

yta

yta. annnd you can't sit with us.

you used his weakness against him for personal gain and your presence probably makes him uncomfortable. honestly, in teen politics (assuming you're a teen) everyone ends up being an a-hole in any given situation while you're figuring life out/being social in large groups. so i don't think this deserves a yta, it's just a gray area. nta as long as no issues arise during the party.

9qrkfw

aita for discovering my brother is into findom?

for those of you who are unaware, findom is short for financial domination. essentially, it’s the act of the sub giving money to the dom for no other reason than attention...and i guess sexual gratification on the part of the giver?  anyway, i live with my brother, and we’re about the same age. (31 and 28) he was out of the room one day but left his phone on the table while he went to go do something else and didn’t hear it when it went off. i checked it real quick as i was passing by, purely to see if it was someone calling him so i could let him know to answer it.  however, it was a text from princess something-or-other (that’s the contact name he set for her in his phone, at least). my brother is on the verge of getting a new job and a huge boost to his monthly income, and the text basically said something along the lines of “that’s great to hear. i can’t wait to see that big, fat check waiting for me in the mail.”  normally, i’m one to just mind my own business. i love my brother. he’s my best friend on this earth, but i can’t help but worry about him especially when i find stuff like this. he’s never really been the best at making smart life decisions. he doesn’t even make that much money as it is, because he’s only working part time.  am i the asshole for wanting to talk to him about this? what should i even do, if anything?

nta

nta at the moment but trying to tell him how to live his life will change that. it's okay to worry about him but bottom line, he's and adult and responsible for his own choices. not to mention you don't know anything about their relationship or dynamic and basically just kinkshaming.

nta, unless you bring it up. just let him enjoy life as long as his fetish doesn’t become destructive

9qrmvl

aita for not feeling obligated to pay a full months rent when i'm not staying the full month?

backstory: moved in jan 18, payed for half the security deposit ($500) not getting reimbursed for that and half for a washer and dryer ($300) not getting a washer or dryer when i move out. i move out nov 21rst, i've thought about just paying a prorate for 21 days but it seems unfair financially to me. the lease to the current house is up in jan 19 but my roomate said that i could move out before then if i wanted to, i told him i did and will start looking. my roomate also works with me (bad life decision moving in with someone you work with, for me at least.) yesterday he told me that he expects the full months rent, during work, in front of coworkers. then i started thinking, aita for not feeling like i should pay a full months rent ($500) for staying 21 days and putting ($800) up front for deposit/washer/dryer?

yta

yta. first off, the roommate is doing you a massive favor, you should be thankful you aren't on the hook for more of it. second, it was a dumb decision to buy a washer/dryer you were never going to take with you. that's on you. third, it's extremely extremely normal to pay rent on a monthly basis, not a daily one. you're leaving him in a lurch by moving out mid-month. it's not fair for him to have to suddenly have to put up more rent before he finds a new roommate. the reason you think it's crazy to pay 1300 dollars for 21 days is because it is! but that's because it's crazy to move in and out in 21 days and pay for applicances! again, that's on you. the only thing you have going for is the security deposit. you should arrange with your roommate to require whoever takes your place to pay you $500 in return for your share of deposit upon move out. if he's not getting another roommate, for convenience sake you can offer to have him buy you out so he doesn't have to track you down when he moves out. ​

yta. by law you have to finish out your lease. if you don't have one, you are month to month, so you have to give a full month's rent. he could take you to court for it and win, so just pay up.

9qs8ra

aita for ignoring my dad (never picking up calls and leave it to voicemail, 1 word answers to text,...)

short version: my dad is an alcoholic. he hit my mom multiple times when i was growing up. and went mia 3 years ago until recently. my mom told me to call him asking how he's been, to wish him happy bday his last bday. you know, make a parental connection between me and dad. her reasoning: "after all, he is your dad". long version: so my dad is pretty much a bad alcoholic. when i was young he would disappear off to drinking and come back and sleep at like 3am. there are times i would go weeks not seeing him despite us living in the same house. he's useless, doesnt pay bills, doesnt do anything but drink and do his minimum wage job at an insurance company. (the only good thing was he never stole/took money from my mom to drink). i am aware of multiple instances where he was abusive towards my mom (verbal and physical abuse), and who knows how many i am not aware of. he packed up and went mia 3 years ago, and recently we found him thanks to a distant relative who called and told us about him. he has never done anything to me per se (and i was super good at hiding). but i do feel rage towards how he treated my mom. my mom told me to call him and ask how he is. his birthday just came up recently. my mom always says "no matter what happens between us (mom and dad), he is still your dad. you should still love and respect him". she constantly reminds me to call him. i have never. if he calls i just let it go to voicemail. and have never called him myself. once in a while he messages me i cut it real short (like k. good. etc). aita for doing this? i feel like i am because this is some serious disrespect (culturally). note: i am of asian origin. and in asia we have a big culture of respecting elders.

nta

nta for wanting to leave that part of your life in the past. yes, he's your father, but he doesn't seem like a "dad." you're free to live your life with kindness and shed the negativity that drags you down.

nta. if you dont want to see him then that's your decision, regardless of what anyone else says. i know the feels, my entire extended family on my dad's side found out a couple years ago that's he'd been gaslighting everyone individually for the last 35+ years. for all intents and purposes, he no longer has kids, parents or siblings. my older half brother calls him the "sperm donator". he still tries to get in contact with us, but we all ignore him. your story is worse in that he was physically abusive. i would not feel guilty not even responding to his messages and just blocking him altogether.

9qsjtl

aita for returning my overland pool before my sister got to use it.

my husband and i bought an overground pool for our girls. it is pretty large and we loved it. until the little boy next door fell off the ladder and somehow broke his arm. we were all right there and it was very sudden. we called up the pool people and asked if we could return it for a refund. we hadn't really thought about the cost of this and our insurance said that pools bring the premium up. so the pool company came and got the pool, we returned it. we probably have a record for shortest time owning a pool [three days] but that's not the point of the post. we paid for most of the medical bills for the neighbor. cause we aren't assholes in that regard. i want to know who the asshole is in this case. we had until this next weekend to return the pool. we could have kept it longer, the weather has been really nice, but my husband wasn't going to risk it. so he did most of the returning without me there, i did agree the pool needed to go back or be given/sold. my sister had asked to bring the girls to swim today. we forgot about it with everything going on. my daughter has a fever, i am pregnant, the kid broke his arm, and my husband has a sick aunt. not an excuse, but it really did slip my mind. she had also suggested we have my niece's birthday at my house on halloween, though i didn't agree to that. my kids go to a church halloween safe walk instead of doing the street. so we wouldn't have wanted to do anything that night anyways. she came over with the girls and we told her, sorry there is no more pool because [reasons i said above.] she got really upset and told my nieces that i didn't care enough to tell them. she is furious with me and said i made her lie to her kids. i told her it happens and there is a pool down the road. i offered to pay for their tickets to get in because it *was my fault* and i accepted that i should have told her. but she said i should have waited until the party, because she had already told people that we were having a swim party in november for the girls. i told her that this hadn't been agreed to. i said maybe. but the baby is due end of november and i probably didn't want to host anyone anyways. so right now my sister is not speaking to me. i just wanted an opinion on everything. thanks. --- **timeline added just incase my post seems weird.** bought pool. pool is delivered and set up. sister hears about pool from me and asks the same day we got it if her kids could come tuesday [the next] to swim. kid breaks his arm. husband returns pool the next day. people come to pick it up, we get partial refund. sister comes today with kids, no pool.

nta

nta, i do think you owe them an apology since you didn't even tell them about anything that was going on. really just a big misunderstanding.

nta. unless she wants to pay for your umbrella policy, the pool isn't her business.

9qsoo5

aita for finding pleasure in someone else's downfall?

some backstory: this person is a former employer of mine. i'm a young attorney and this was my first job out of law school. it was horrible. this man was a scummy, sleazy lawyer who was very money hungry and never seemed to care about the clients. he was also a terrible boss. he never offered any guidance or mentorship. he just flung files on my desk and expected me to figure things out on my own and then would become upset when i didn't do it the way he wanted. i was entitled to health insurance and he never ensured that it was provided to me. he was out of office most of the time so i was pretty much left to manage the entire office, straight out of law school. he was also a very lazy lawyer and always looked for the shortcut way to do things instead of handling clients' matters the right way. he was also known to bribe court employees to speed up some matters for him so he could get paid faster. he asked me to do shady things from time to time. make up things to put in affidavits, forge clients' signatures. i always declined to do so. one day i noticed a document on the receptionist's desk and i was pretty sure it was forged. he forged a judge's signature and made up a whole court order. i quit the next day because i knew how serious it was. his wife (also a lawyer) wasn't as horrid as him but she was still pretty bad. they would frequently go on vacation without telling staff. once while she was on vacation i went to court to handle a matter that i didn't even know existed. i did my best but i was insufficiently prepared because she never told me about it until the day before. when i told her i was insufficiently prepared, she went off on me and blamed the whole thing on me. when i told her that, respectfully, the blame is with her for not properly instructing me, she got even angrier and pretty much told me i'd never find work in another firm with that attitude. fast forward: the husband got disbarred today. a few months ago he was arrested for fraud. he got disbarred over a totally different matter, to show you how many shady things he was doing. the wife will probably soon be disbarred too, as a client has complained to the disciplinary body that she won a judgment and still hasn't paid the money to the client. as for me, i got a job in one of the best firms in the region, earning more money and enjoying more benefits. the attorneys here are great and really eager to guide and mentor the younger ones coming up. i've been doing great work and really settling into the job. but i am so happy every time i hear more news about these people. you know how they say if you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by? i feel validated and genuinely happy about their downfall. does this make me an asshole or morally depraved?

nta

nta, just enjoying the karmic fireworks.

i'd say you're nta just a lawyer enjoying a cold dish of justice.

9qtbpj

aita for telling my best friend i want to take a break from our friendship?

we met in middle school when i was 12 and she was 13. i moved a year later and we texted all day everyday, until she got a boyfriend. when she started dating him, she started replying less and less until eventually not at all. i went 2 years without hearing from her. we started talking again around 2 years ago. her excuse for ghosting me was that she was "busy". i was pretty pissed by that excuse, but i moved on. she ended up getting another boyfriend, and any time he would turn her down for sex she would message me, flirting, complimenting me, and sending me nudes out of nowhere. she has done this several times, and it honestly pisses me off. i don't know why it pisses me off, but it feels like she just used me for validation when her boyfriend doesn't acknowledge her. anyways, fast forward a little bit and we are talking daily again, everything is going well, and she meets this one guy. suddenly the replies become less and less, messages get left on read for days, and i will go weeks without hearing from her. it feels like a repeat of last time where she ghosted me for 2 years. i don't care what her relationship to this dude is, i don't have any romantic interest in her, i just don't want her to use me for validation, and then toss me aside like i'm nothing, again. i messaged her a week ago telling her i want to take a break from our friendship, she hasn't even read the message yet, she tells me she's busy, but her instagram stories are nothing but her and that guy hanging out. i don't even feel like we are friends honestly, she does this shit so much and i always let it slide and i don't know why. oh, and she also insults any girl i date, so that's another annoying thing too.

nta

you are her "always available" she wants you on standby. nta, ghost her. ​

nta she wants to keep you on the back burner so she can use you for compliments/validation while never actually dating you. plus anyone who insults your s/o without good reason is toxic. i know this because something similar happened to me around 5 years ago.....twice. ghost her trust me.

9qtk47

aita for claiming to be hard of hearing?

i work at a bookstore, and a customer with a heavy french accent came in asking for books in french, and was furious when we didn’t have any. she then asked where something was, but i couldn’t understand her accent. i asked her to repeat herself twice, and apologized each time. the second time she threw her arms up and exclaimed, “my god! i’m speaking english, aren’t i?!” i said, “i do apologize, i’m hard of hearing, so its difficult for me to understand sometimes.” she kind of deflated, and said more calmly, “oh, well i didn’t know that.” and one of my coworkers who was nearby and had understood her directed her to what she was looking for. i have never been diagnosed as deaf or hard of hearing, though i do tend to have a harder time hearing quiet sounds and understanding accents than the average person, in my experience. i understand that it must be frustrating to not be understood, but i don’t think it’s appropriate to snap at people who are trying their best to help you (i really was). i just wanted to make her realize that i was trying my best, but now im wondering if it was wrong to claim to have a disability that i don’t technically have.

nta

nta. a little white lie to appease some stranger you will never deal with again (hopefully) and avoid a public freakout is totally ok.

c'est impoli, tu es une salle putain. tu vas aller en enfers pour ça. vtff nah just kidding you're nta

9qtkki

aita for telling a cop to “get the fuck out”

okay so i work in ems and i get dispatched to a car accident, and it’s a massive clusterfuck. it’s a t bone and there are people, blood, and parts everywhere. i help my paramedic carry the most critical patient to the ambulance and he’s pretty close to dead. blood everywhere. at least 3 broken long bones and a blood pressure of 70/40. just as a firefighter is getting ready to drive us off a cop opens the back doors. we scream at the driver to stop, and the cop climbs in and says “let me get his wallet”. okay, i reach over to hand it to him, and he goes ahead to fall and disconnect 10 wires we had hooked up. he then tried to climb out, and in the process of doing so bumps an o2 canister and drops the wallet. he then clambers out and tries to close the door but somehow manages to jam them. he comes back in through the side door and by now we wasted another 2 minutes on scene. i tell him to “get the fuck out” and work to quickly unjam the rear doors. got a complaint filed for “unprofessional conduct”. thanks man, you wasted 4 minutes of time that this person needs to live tl;dr cop kept breaking shit and wasting time until i told him to get the fuck out of the ambulance

nta

nta you were just trying to do your incredibly stressful job and a police officer was interfering in a situation where people needed help. while protocol definitely prohibits saying that to another member of the safety department, i think that what you did was necessary.

nta did he live?

9qtw6y

aita for believing the people of the united states deserve the shitshow that will come with another gop majority?

i'm canadian. i know our politicians aren't saints, but to watch how this trump lead gop has turned the us into a laughing stock is quit remarkable, and scary. if the last two years aren't incentive enough, and people don't overwhelmingly vote a democratic majority, the people of the us deserve everything this gop has in store for them. by consequences, i mean continued corruption, embarrassment on the world stage, legislation that turns back any progress made over the last 30 years (i.e. environment, equality for minorities), tax breaks for the rich, a gop appointed fcc chairman who repealed net netruallity, decent health care. the list goes on and on. corruption the gop has cast upon

yta

yta. it's not nearly that simple, at all.

yta wishing misery upon people for your own lolz

9qtxhl

aita for commenting negatively on girls' looks?

i just started college this fall, and i was having a conversation with one of my roommates and another guy who lives in the room across from us. all three of us are straight males, and we were discussing our outlook at the situation with females at our school. we were having a laugh and i exaggeratedly suggested that of the ~35000 people in our school, there could only be about 100 hot females. my roommate laughed and agreed, but the other guy was sort of taken aback and stated that we were being asshats, and abruptly left the conversation. aita for judging girls by their outside appearance and commenting on the general trend of the girls in our school? just to clarify, before you guys rip me apart, looks aren't my primary consideration when dating people, and i understand people are more than just their outer appearance. i'll accept any level of bluntness in responses tho

nta

nta. if you don’t happen to find that many girls at your school attractive, then oh well. you’re entitled to your opinion/preferences. but, he doesn’t have to agree.

nta ​ its completely normal for both xx and xy born "creatures" to react to their fellow humans visually. women do this, guys do this, straights do this, lbgqti++- people do this , otherkins do this. ​ there's a big difference between putting someone down (to hurt their feelings) and having some "bro time"

9qu0se

aita for leaving my brother in a foreign country?

my brother and i went to canada last weekend to see the deal with legal marijuana. i do not smoke and i did not see him buy marijuana or smoke it. we got maple syrup and stayed the night in a hotel and did sightseeing and started to drive home the next day. i know that it’s illegal to have drugs in my car so i am very strict that drugs and weed and open bottles of alcohol are not allowed in my car at all. as we were about 20 minutes to the us border i asked him if he has weed on him, assuming nobody is stupid enough to bring a drug that is still illegal in the us and smuggle it in and he told me that he had weed on him. i told him that he has to throw it in the garbage or down a drain or something and he can’t bring it into our country. he refused and told me “they don’t care about weed” i told him i would not risk going to jail over pot and that he has to throw it out or get out of my car and i would not drive him into the usa. i pulled into a shopping store parking lot and told him he had to get out of my car or throw out the weed. he told me that he wasn’t throwing out his weed so i told him to get out of my car and take the bus home and i gave him his bag. he slammed my door and i drove away and went through the border no problems and went home.

nta

nta i am canadian. we were warned upon the legalization of marijuana that the us border would be more actively searching for this. as a canadian if you admit to being a marijuana user, you risk being banned from the us forever. you were right...you could have been arrested for this and your vehicle impounded.

i see your point of why and your nta

9qubt3

aita for not giving my friends free rides?

for context i’m a broke high schooler who works under the table jobs whenever i can. i recently just got my own car and have decided that since i have to buy my own gas, i can’t be giving my friends free rides whenever they need them anymore. now i used to drive my parents cars around a lot, and every time someone needed a ride from anywhere, school, home, some random ass location, they’d call me and i’d be there. i’d drive them around and then go home, didn’t usually expect anything in return. eventually it got to the point though where i kinda felt like i was being used, they’d call me just because they were feeling lazy and couldn’t walk literally 3 blocks to get to their house. still, i tried to be nice and help out when i could. come a few months later, i finally bought my own car with $500 i managed to scrape together. i have to buy my own gas now so it costs me out of pocket to drive places. because of this, i finally asked my friends to help out with some gas money so that i could keep helping them out. they never did despite me driving them around a few more times anyway. one of them finally caved and gave me pocket change recently, like $6, but i thought that was kinda rude after the year i drove him around for free. so i haven’t been giving any rides since, and i’ve decided i won’t until someone helps me out a bit in return. my only problem is, i feel like i’m not being a good friend anymore. i feel greedy. i try to justify it to myself because i don’t have an official job and make about $100 average every 2 weeks, and i got some other expenses, but i still feel like a bad person now. am i the asshole here reddit?

nta

nta. your not a taxi service. if they need a ride they can chip to gas. thems the rules.

nta. they're taking advantage of your kindness.

9quejs

aita for wanting stuff back from my ex who cheated on me?

i found out that my now ex cheated on me back in early 2018. had sex with a guy who she knew i didn't like at all. i made it very clear from the day she met him. so now were broken up and i told her i want the gifts, including $200 coach sunglasses, a $200 fitbit, among other things, back from her. i only want these specific things because i bought them for her after she had been cheating on me already, and well, i don't feel she deserves them, especially since they were pretty expensive. shes arguing against it and keeps saying that i shouldn't spend money on stuff that i'm not willing to lose permanently, and keeps trying to guilt trip me by saying she doesn't care if i keep the stuff shes gotten me over the years. so, aita?

yta

yta. you don't get to ask for gifts back. it's literally how this stuff works.

yta, kind of. its understandable for you to want those things back, but that's not how gift giving works, you have no claim to them.

9qv1f7

aita for ghosting this dude

mobile so formatting may be wonky. i arrived early at my destination which i have to go every week for. i sat down in the common area and was approached by a dude who was wondering why i was smiling. so we go on and chat for a lil while and it ends with us exchanging numbers. the dude was pretty chill and we had a nice time chatting so i wasn't that worried about it but i did limit the personal information i gave which was the number and my first name. an hour later i get a text saying it was nice talking and i responded back the same which led to a very general conversation about how life is going. the chat was nice until the dude said that he wanted to chat through call but at that time i was face timing a really good friend i've known for a good decade about the dude. i said no and said i was face timing a friend already and he said "you better not be going to sleep" which was responded back with a haha. about two hours later i'm still face timing and the guys asks if i'm still awake which i respond with a im still face timing the friend (which i was) and he questioned if it was a guy and i said no it's a girl. he said "oh alright better be lol" which was responded back with another haha and a response that didn't actually connect with the better be statement. ten minutes later he says to tell the friend that i'll talk to her later because in his words there's a guy who's interested in me and that i'm keeping him waiting followed with another text of she's a friend she'll understand. i wrote back using my friends word that patience is a virtue that was responded back with him saying that she had her time now it's his. i respond back with we're having a good chat on face time and then i proceed to block his number. aita for going straight to the blocking and ignoring of this dude?

nta

nta. the red flags were there, and you chose not to ignore them. the only negative is that you missed out on some quality content for r/cringepics.

nta he was coming off as very controlling. i think you were right to just let it go.

9qwehh

aita for stealing back a friends skateboard from my other friend?

so about year ago, i was at work and my friend who comes in regularly to hang out with me (i work in a shop) popped through. lets call this friend john. i was working, and john asked me a question about a skateboard that was sitting collecting dust on the bottom shelf of a nearby table. he asked if i knew who's it was, and i said i did not. my friend then asked me if he should steal it. i wasn't all that about it, but i said whatever, and told him how best to avoid being seen in the cameras to avoid being caught. john ended up taking the board and walking out. a few days later, a fellow co-worker of mine (call him anthony) complained that his skateboard had gone missing. i then realized who's skateboard it was, but by then the damage had been done and i kept my mouth shut. fast forward to today. i was in john's new apartment and was just relaxing and hanging out. he gave me a tour of his room and i saw anthony's stolen skateboard. i talked to john and explained i felt like it would be a good thing for me to return anthony's skateboard. john retaliated saying that the damage had already been done and that anthony should've move on, further stating the skateboard was "only 80 bucks" and didn't matter all too much. i insisted john think about returning the skateboard, and he said he would think about it. in the back of my mind, i decided i would "steal back" anthonys skateboard and return it to him. john and i went to a pizza place and i said i needed to run back to his place because i had forgotten something. in reality, i went back to johns place and grabbed anthonys board, stashed it, and then picked it up once john and i parted ways. john is now pissed at me, saying that he is more angry at the fact that i "went behind his back" than the fact i had taken the board, and that it was something he "could not forgive". what do you think? do you think i did the wrong thing by taking it back after it had already been a year? please help me think critically about this, i'm really torn.

yta

yta not for stealing it back, but rather letting him take it in the first place. two wrongs don't make a right.

**yta**. but also your friend is the asshole, too. only person not an asshole here is the poor guy who had his skateboard stolen. >i wasn't all that about it, but i said whatever, and told him how best to avoid being seen in the cameras to avoid being caught. john ended up taking the board and walking out. why the hell would you do this? now you've caused a problem. >i talked to john and explained i felt like it would be a good thing for me to return anthony's skateboard. john retaliated saying that the damage had already been done and that anthony should've move on, further stating the skateboard was "only 80 bucks" and didn't matter all too much. if it's "only 80 bucks" then why doesn't your friend buy one? your friend is a *huge* asshole ultimately, while risky, i think taking the skateboard back was the right move, from a moral standpoint. it was stolen property that needed to go back to the rightful owner. risky because anthony could have gotten you in trouble for admitting you/your friend stole it. so maybe not the smartest *legal* move. >john is now pissed at me, saying that he is more angry at the fact that i "went behind his back" than the fact i had taken the board, and that it was something he "could not forgive". well fuck him, it was stolen in the first place and not his. you need better friends, op

9qx51r

aita for not tipping for premade food?

so i go to this little caesars pizza place for lunch sometimes (i know, i feel bad for admitting this. please be gentle with me). i get their ready made pizza and i pay with my debit card. things is, after i verify the amount on the machine, the machine asks me if i want to tip. and right beside the machine is a cash tip jar that always looks like its got a decent amount in there. my thoughts are that it's not even like they're making order ready food... they're making ready made food that sits in a heater waiting for some gross fuck like me to waddle in and make their shame-purchase. at least a burger joint makes the sandwich after i ask for it and switches things up if i ask and they don't have their hand out.

nta

you go to their establishment, pick up the food, and not tip? how dare you just kidding. nta.

nta. you aren't obligated to tip for carryout.

9qx5fv

aita for making my so kick his little sister out of our house?

so just a little background: my so & i live in a three story house & rent two bedrooms on the top floor. there are two bedrooms on the main floor where our other two roommates live & the basement is converted into a separate apartment & one person lives down there. at the beginning of the summer (second week of june) my so got a temp job out of the state, & around the same time his sister needed a place to stay for a few weeks as she was transitioning to a new house & didn't have all the money together yet for a deposit. our rent is fairly cheap, so we thought we could help her & help ourselves by subletting to her while he was out of state so she didn't have to scrape together a deposit on a place & we didn't have to pay rent on a room we weren't using. his job ended the second week of september. flash forward to now & she's still here. she was supposed to be out by the end of september, but she tugged on her big brother's heart strings & mine & we agreed to let her stay another month, which would be through the end of october. it's the 23rd today & besides her being late on rent this month (she still hasn't actually paid all of it), she also basically told her boss to fuck off & got fired, & bought herself a new car with a $200-ish/mo car payment. on top of everything she also has a dead beat boyfriend that just lops off of her & i only mention him because he essentially lives here too, i actually am not sure if he has his own place but i don't think he does, he also gets her pets (two guinea pigs & a rabbit so far) that my so & i take care of almost entirely because we don't want them to be neglected... anyways, i'm pretty sure what my so & i are doing by allowing her to stay here is extremely illegal, & i just feel incredibly taken advantage of, & the only reason my landlord hasn't noticed that she is still here is because i think she's having some medical issues, so she isn't around as much as she usually is. we have a great relationship with her(ll) & she knows about the subletting over the summer, but she(ll) was under the impression that it was just the summer, she also has a strict no pets policy & it's really difficult to follow when someone is just bringing animals home without your knowledge. i'm super paranoid that we will be evicted if she finds out about my so's little sister still being here, or even worse the pets, plus she's not even paying rent. so tonight i pushed really hard to kick her out. we both talked to her & explained the situation, how we are breaking our lease in more ways than one with her being here, essentially giving her 30 days, we did it as a team & in a really neutral way, or so i thought... later on she slammed the door at me as i was walking by the bedroom they are staying in, like no mistake, it was very intentional, so needless to say they are mad, & my so feels super shitty for having to kick his little sister out, but it's time for her to go. am i the asshole for kicking her out?

nta

definitely nta. she’s not holding up her end of the bargain.

nta. if she's taking advantage of your generosity you don't have to continue to give her a free place to say. her car payment and job situation aren't directly your business *as long as she can pay rent*. if she can't, it's time to evict. you may want to crosspost to /r/legaladvice and make sure to mention your location; you are probably in a pretty grey area legally speaking and the laws vary from state to state.

9qx5qd

aita for popping expensive balloons?

attended a high school party a few weeks back where the host, someone i know quite well, had two large numbers 1 and 7 helium balloons. roughly two hours into the night myself and a few of the people surrounding me pop both balloons to inhale leaving them deflated for the rest of the evening popped. fast forward to today he messages me for the first time since the morning afterwards for 40 dollars for the balloons where i argued he was being unreasonable to ask for the full retail price of the balloons and helium he paid for. however i did offer him 20 dollars as i felt this was a fair compromise for a party expense. he kept being insistent on 40 till i eventually give in and wire him the money. looking for a little wisdom on how i could’ve better handled the situation.

yta

yta - you got invited to someones party and your broke their shit

yta - you essentially damaged someone else’s property. perhaps you can go to your friends and ask them to split the cost since they participated too, but don’t hold your breath.

9qxo8o

aita for refusing to let my sister watch charmed with me [and my friend].

i just got off the phone with my mom, in regards to my sister henrietta. mom: henry has asked you multiple times to watch charmed with you. i don't see why you can't let her do it a few times? me: because i hate watching movies with her. and i don't want to. this is something [best friend], [my boyfriend], and i do together. stop trying to make us become closer, we are fine. mom: it would make me happy if you tried. me: it would make me happy if you allowed us to make up on our own if i ever feel ready. i don't right now and doubt i will. ---- the background is pretty simple. my sister, henrietta, is almost a decade older than me. she lived with her father [we are half-siblings] full time, while i stayed with my mom and dad. my dad finally told my mom it was either me or henrietta because henrietta liked to pick fights with me. i was younger and smaller, so i didn't stand a chance. mom finally started renting hotel rooms over the weekends to see henrietta. she would do things like tell me i was a mistake. that god hated me. that i was a dumpster baby. when she was over, i wouldn't want to eat because she would call me a little fat cow. she would make fun of me for how i talked or walked or dressed. henrietta finally stopped coming around when i was 8 and she turned 18. she went into rehab for drugs and alcohol. so now, everything is supposed to be okay, but i can't stand her. so i don't want her in my life. i am not willing to try. she has apologized sincerely for her behavior and tried to make it up to me. but i think it never should have happened in the first place. and while i understand drugs happen later in her teens, she still chose to act like that *before* the drugs. i just don't like her. i don't think she has a real excuse for how i was treated. so i have told my mom i don't want anything to do with her. aita?

nta

nta. if she is truly apologetic and willing to fully take responsibility for her actions, she must accept the possibility that she has permanently alienated you and destroyed any relationship you can possibly have.

nta. it's nice that she feels genuine remorse, but that doesn't automatically take all the pain away. if she's actually sorry and realizes the damage she inflicted on you, then she should know that it's up to you if/when you decide to reconcile.

9qz6lq

aita for telling my wife to get over it?

bit of background: i normally work from home, but i had to come into the office for a few days, because i am applying for a new position and i wanted to shake hands and do an interview in person. it is about a 3.5 hour drive to the main office building, so my wife, our 2 kids, and i all planned to stay at a relatives house during this time. the relative’s house was empty(they were going to be on vacation during this time). we drove over yesterday, but when we were about 45 min away from their house, they texted and said their vacation didn’t happen because their flights were cancelled by a hurricane. they forgot to let us know until just then. my wife had no intention of staying there while they were there too, so we was very upset by this and pleaded with me to find a hotel instead. we had no money for that, so i said we couldn’t do it. we sat there arguing for a long time, she was crying for most of it saying things like “i don’t want to go!” and “don’t make me go!”. my only option was to drive her back home, but that would have added 5 hours to my night and it was already late, so i told her she had to suck it up and stay there anyways. she continued crying and punching the roof of the car, and eventually i snapped and yelled at her, saying things like “stop acting like a baby” and “just suck it up and deal with it”. feeling bad about the whole thing this morning, just looking for a 3rd party perspective. wow, this blew up. just to clarify, the reason she didn't want to go is because she doesn't want to deal with people and try and keep kids behaving by herself. normally i work from home so i can help her, but in this situation she has no help and she feels overwhelmed. that is the reason she told me. i, like i said, think that's a crappy reason, and i kinda wanted her to suck it up. there is of course more to the fight and more was said, but typing it all out seemed like a hassle. i just included the worse parts for context. today, she says that she is sorry and that she feels like she acted badly. ironically, the relatives ended up changing plans again, so they are out of the house anyways. my wife has had issues with emotions/anxiety, and yesterday was an example of the worst of it.

yta

i bet if we had the whole story, yta. i get the feeling that your family somehow is quite critical of your wife's parenting, or maybe you are, and she's not wanting to go through with the trip because it'll be miserable for her and the kids. either that or your wife has a significant mental illness.

i suspect yta. there has got to more to this story. why couldn't she go home by herself? are you the only one with access to money? i gotta say being literally trapped for "a few days" unexpectedly with my in-laws, god forbid, from whom i now have to keep the kids from bothering would enrage me, too. why couldn't you get dropped off and then she takes the car home? why is she stuck for days at someone else's house? why does she have to "suck it up" but you don't?

9r0siw

aita for using black emojis? (i’m white)

context: i got into a heated debate with a girl i’ve been talking too for a little over a month now about the use of black emojis. jumping to the middle of our conversation, i used a black wizard emoji in reply to an “annoyed” gif she sent me. she then proceeds to tell me that using black emojis as a white person is disrespectful and akin to black face so i shouldn’t since i’m caucasian. i expressed my personal feelings about the use of black face to which i wholeheartedly agreed with it being derogatory and offensive but disagreed that the use of the black wizard emoji was as well. her reply was that i don’t get to decide what is and what is not offensive. i agreed with her that i have zero authority to decide what is and wasn’t offensive outside of a personal level but because i’m a decent human being, i take into consideration other people before i speak. i told her i’d ask my friends (african american) their opinion and get back to her. she called them token and said it’s irrelevant what they think because it’s offensive regardless. i got frustrated and told her she had a skewed view of the world and that i’d talk with her in a few days. am i the asshole here? forgot to mention that she’s white as well.

nta

nta. also i like how she says you don’t get to decide what’s offensive and what’s not yet she’s made the decision that it’s offensive? don’t really think anyone’s ta though, just different views i guess.

my wife's black. i'm white. i send her black emojis. she thinks it's funny. your girlfriend sounds very young and sounds like she has a narrow world view. there is a lot of hypersensitivity about race now adays which sometimes is a good thing. but i'm sorry, this is just retarded. maybe if you were making a racist comment with a black emjoi or something, but a wizard??? come on. that's hilarious. nta

9r1gyg

aita for quiting my job with no notice?

i worked as a maintenance technician at a hotel. i got the job because of my experience in labour an heavy equipment tech fields, as well as being some what handy. during the interview, i stated my skills such as drywall repair, painting, hanging wall paper, construction, and problem solving. i was upfront with things i have no experience in, mainly plumbing. i made sure this was known to the gm and my department head. i was there for 47 days, during which i had submitted oar training, unrealistic expectations for task completion, and my boss also refused to report when i was injured on the job. i went to hr about that. my coworkers told me many stories about the manager's short coming and the red flags i need to watch for. my last day there (yesterday), i was told to do some small plumbing work on a sink in a room. the first one i did perfectly with no problem. the second one not so much. there was so much wrong with it. it just kept falling apart peice by peice and k was in over my head with it. when i asked a coworker for help. he aggressively berated me infront of our boss. the boss then belittled me for my "incompetence." that was the final straw. i went to hr and quit immediately. the problem here is that they were swamped.i made a commitment to complete a series of tasks and i went back on it by resigning. am i an asshole for this?

nta

nta, fuck shitty workplace circumstances. best of luck finding new work.

nta. not a requirement more of a courtesy.

9r1p91

aita for not snooping (and not forgiving) my boyfriend?

some background: we’ve been dating almost two years, living together a little more than a year. i’ve point blank told him i’m no longer aiding him financially with his personal bills and whatnot, as he currently owes me over $1000 accumulated over the first year of our relationship. our last apartment sent us two checks in the mail, one for our refunded security deposit, and one that was a refund of extra rent we paid. he refused to give me any input on how he wanted to split the checks, so i decided we’d each take one. the one i chose happened to be the one for more (it was for the security deposit, which i had paid initially anyways when we first moved in). i put the check in a very specific and secure location to deposit it the following day. i get home from work, and it’s gone. cue me freaking out, anxiety attack, the works. that’s almost $600 that just vanished. his nonchalance about it made me suspicious (“why are you so worried?” “it’s just money” he didn’t see the point of looking), so a couple days later i checked his bank acc and saw a deposit for the exact amount of the two checks. i confronted him, doing my best to not be accusatory, and he told me that was a deposit related to his school and he’d never do something like take it from me. i didn’t really believe him, so i checked his school acc and saw no evidence of a refund from them. this whole time i was giving him the benefit of the doubt while still giving him chances to admit to it without being accusatory. it took almost a week and me going directly to the leasing office to have them trace the check before he confessed to taking it and gave me back the money. he said he needed it to pay for school and thought if he asked i’d say no. (i asked to see the transaction for where he paid the school and he refused). he told me he was going to pay me back when he had the money. he’s upset that i snooped in his personal matters and doesn’t seem to understand why i don’t forgive him even though he returned the money. (he’s also upset that i took the check for more even though i asked multiple times for his input. the difference between the two was ~$30)

nta

last paragraph has me a little confused. did he pay you back or not? regardless, nta and break up with this motherfucker so hard. he stole your money and has not repaid you for previous debt and then tried to say “it’s just money”. if it’s “””just money”””, he could’ve used his own to back his financial shit. i have half a mind to think you could do some legal action against him considering he deadass stole your money and then lied about it. at the very least break up with him for manipulating you and misusing your trust for his own financial benefit. finance problems are the biggest issues for married couples and your so sounds like he’d fuck that up for y’all royally.

nta - this guy is a shady douche. you guys haven't been together for 3 weeks - its been years; you are sharing things financially and thus stealing/lying about money is an asshole thing to do.

9r1r70

aita for reporting my sons father to child support?

my son's father and i broke up about 5 years ago. he refused to pay child support so i had the state take over to make sure i got it. the only reason i get child support is because the state takes it from his check. i realized a couple of weeks ago that my child support was late. i called my sons father who insisted it was being taken from his check and there must be a "glitch in the state." well after a week of all that i called the state. no payment has been made and i also found out he quit his job without another one lined up. this definately puts me in a bad position. i feel as though he could have at least been honest with me. the issue is that after 30 days of nonpayment the state will suspend his professional license. if there is still nonpayment after 60 more days he loses his drivers license. apparently my ex did not know this when he decided to quit. (and somehow thats my fault too.) i am now being made to feel like a total asshole. my ex, his gf, his family and my family are all running their mouths about what a horrid person i am for telling the state he quit his job. according to all them i am a bitch that is just out to ruin his life. i have nothing to do with this. the state wanted to know why im applying for emergency assistance. so i told them. im so tired of hearing what a bitch i am tho. what he paid isn't a lot. but it did help. i didn't even have a chance to save up to cover what he isnt paying. even if he had been honest i would have had to apply for aid and tell the state. i guess i shouldnt have counted on child support but i did. and here i am. the asshole as usual.

nta

nta- he lied, got caught, and he's surrounded by a bunch of apologists for his behavior (who blame all of his problems on you). i'm sorry that his family is coming down on you so much, if at all possible i'd keep correspondence with them as pragmatic as possible. 1. he has a child 2. he initially failed to make proper payments, so the state garnished his wages 3. he quit his job without looking into what would happen if he missed the child support payments, and (surprise, surprise) the government will penalize him for it you as a responsible parent, have to cover your own ass and make sure that yourself & your child are taken care of, i'm so sorry that the people on his end don't see that and are making your life hell over it.

why would you pity yourself and give yourself a verdict at the end lmao. nta, it was an honest mistake. try communicating this as poignantly to your family members as possible. you just want what’s best for your kid.

9r23eg

aita for asking for perfection

on mobile so please excuse the formatting and any misspellings. so my wife buys me a groupon for window tint at a shop i’ve never been to before on the other (rough) side of the city. offer was listed as ‘window tinting for one car’ and in the fine print i noticed that did not include the rear window. imo that’s dishonest advertising but w/e, i’m not trying to argue about morals in advertising. so i call and get the appointment scheduled for the next day. go in, they do the tint (including me paying extra $ for the rear window) and as i’m leaving i stopped back to ask some questions regarding the job and was told that i need to give it a few days to cure (and not roll the windows down, etc) and it’ll look great. again that’s nbd and i go on my way. over the weekend as the tint dries/cures i notice more bubbles throughout. that following monday i take the vehicle back to the shop and i am told quite rudely by one of the techs that i have to come back the next day due to the owner not being there. sure enough i go back on tuesday and i am told that it’s just due to dust in the air and that they can’t do anything about it. i point out obvious ‘runs’ and bubbles (pictured) and the owner agrees to redo 2 of the 5 windows if i come back the next day. again before leaving i ask about the other windows and the same rude tech comes out and tells me the owner will look at it during my appointment the next day. wednesday comes and i take it in and before they start i asked about the other windows. the owner again explains that it’s dust and not bubbles and i respond with that it may be bubbles because of the dust but regardless i want it fixed/done correctly. i explained that i paid for a complete job and his response was that all my windows had tint on them so i should be happy. in the end they redid two of the windows and told me i’d have to live with the rest of it. i plan on leaving some bad reviews on social media sites but before i do i wanted to see if yinz think i am the asshole.

nta

nta. you want a product you paid for and you want it done correctly. you are not the asshole here.

nta. regardless of whether or not a groupon was used, you still paid for a service, that shop still got their money.

9r2hqt

aita for not wanting to go home for christmas?

i'm 23 and have been away at college for the past 4 years. i graduated in may and have a house 10 hours from my parents. i never when home for thanksgiving cause i didn't get a long enough break and it was never a big deal. but i always went home for christmas. i love my parents and miss them a lot and i'd love to see them for christmas but i really dont want to see my sister. she makes the enviroment so tense. she has so many mental and physical issues that she can basically get away with anything and my parents have given up trying to parent her. she's mean to my parents and me and if i try to stand up for myself my mother accuses me of being argumentative. she makes family time awful and that's not how i want to spend christmas. but i feel so guilty and like a terrible daughter for not seeing my parents because of my sister. tl;dr my sister is a bitch and makes me not want to go home for christmas even though i miss my parents.

nta

mate, now listen carefully to me. you are hardly an asshole. christmas and all those breaks are for chill, peace and quietness not for dealing with mean people. i am 21, two years ago, i moved out from hometown to college, then was invited for christmas by my sisters (parents died one year prior) and i was given a bottle of vodka for a christmas gift, and then i heard my sisters complain about how hard it was to cook everything by themselves. (in my family, we always laugh at people who buy vodka because of course the just don’t care what to buy so they buy alcohol). so these were my last christmas there, i am being invited every christmas and easter holidays, but always politely say: no, these times are for me to rest with myself. and i’m cool with it, they actually stopped to bother, so i don’t care. now you get some rest and fuck this nightmare! ;) nta

nta. i would say you should take a year off, and leave open the possibility of going next year. maybe if you can afford it, take a trip somewhere else and have that be your excuse. i think you should explain your true reasoning after the holidays so your parents don't try to change your mind or give you guilt. hopefully they will understand more and have your back in the future.

9r2sy3

aita for wanting my brother to move out?

just some background: i live at home with my 24 year old brother who i don’t have a well off relationship with at all. i am currently 17. i have a bit of family issues in general, my brother has abused me since i was younger & growing up with him i 100% believe he suffers from some sort of personality disorder where he just does not feel empathy towards anyone but himself. for ex... there is so many instances but the gist of it his response to any huge world massacre or a death of a friend his response is ... skin crawling. its always a “who gives a shit about people getting hurt? doesn’t have anything to do with me...” you get the point. few months ago, i quit my serving job due to harassment from my boss & i spontaneously quit one shift which of course, reprimanded a ridiculous reaction from my brother. “you know for a fact he didn’t touch you & you’re just lying for attention.” whatever .. can deal with that. haven’t spoken to him in too long and a few nights ago he came in my room around 12:30am and locked the door behind him. i immediately knew what he was about to do. basically, he was just telling me if i were to press charges against my former boss i’d be a complete moron to do so. after about 5 minutes of his idiotic ranting he finally said it, “you know for a fact that you’re lying and that it didn’t happen.” i was completely enraged. i don’t know if any one in the sub has experienced what it feels like to be called a liar in a situation that you contemplate every day, but it does not feel great. i quickly got up out my bed, opened the door and screamed at him to get the hell out of my room. it’s almost like a flip-switched in him & he threw his hands in a fist and charged towards me. he grabbed me by the neck and held me like that while yelling at me to “never talk to him like that ever again.” while purposely spitting every word out in my face. he threw me on the ground and left my room to go towards his, that’s when i got back up and screamed “i’m calling the fucking cops this is the last time you touch me ever again.” to my surprised, he charged at me again. this time i was thrown in my dresser and my mom woke up and had to hold him back to get him off of me. my mom as many times before told me it was my fault for getting him angry. i’ve been staying in my car for a few days instead of going home. my mom thinks i’m being completely ridiculous in my wishes that he moves out immediately. this actually might be the wrong sub to even post something like this but can’t help to feel like i’m the one doing something wrong.

nta

nta. call cps, call the police on your sociopathic sibling and your enabling mother.

nta. tell your mom that if he isn’t chucked out like the sack of shit he is, you’ll file a police report. and actually hold that up too.

9r2w14

aita for starting to ignore her

context: i have been talking to this girl for about a month or two and we were really hitting it off. we both like each other but she said she’s not ready for a relationship yet because she broke up with her on and off again boyfriend of 4 years who cheated on her a month ago. i am an honest guy and if she asks me a question i tell her the truth and she tells me she does the same. the other day she asked to go through my phone, even though we’re not doing anything because she’s not ready, and i said sure because i had nothing to hide. i asked to go through her phone mostly as a joke but she got very defensive and wouldn’t let me. after a lot of pressing she finally told me it’s because her ex was texting her. it’s been a month since she broke up with her ex and she still hasn’t told anyone but me, and she said that she always just ends up back together with him. i was willing to let that go if she told me what her and her ex are talking about but she wouldn’t and i feel hurt and insulted that i’ve been 100% honest with her and she still has the need to not tell me things. today she was texting her ex during our lecture ( in university) and i just couldn’t talk to her because i was so upset. we normally talk all throughout class and i walk her to her next class but i just walked back and didn’t walk her to her next class and we haven’t said anything. tl;dr: we’re not in a relationship because she said she wasn’t ready but she is still texting her ex who cheated on her and won’t tell me what they’re talking about. she hasn’t told anyone she broke up with him and i don’t want to talk to her because she was texting him in front of me and i think i’m just a backup or a side piece until she gets back together with her ex. aita for ignoring her and believing that she’s just using me until she gets back with her ex. after writing this i know it sounds childish and immature but i just want to know if i’m being an asshole or not

nta

whew, she isn't even dating you and already demanded to see your phone?? and then wouldn't show you hers!? and then admitted she's talking to her ex that she clearly still loves, but wont tell you what they talk about? sorry man, but she doesn't give a crap about you. my guess is that she's using you to make her ex jealous, so that he'll suggest getting back together. i think you know what to do. just cut her loose. she will cry and tell you you're being a dick, but dont buy it. you're nta, for sure.

whew, she isn't even dating you and already demanded to see your phone?? and then wouldn't show you hers!? and then admitted she's talking to her ex that she clearly still loves, but wont tell you what they talk about? sorry man, but she doesn't give a crap about you. my guess is that she's using you to make her ex jealous, so that he'll suggest getting back together. i think you know what to do. just cut her loose. she will cry and tell you you're being a dick, but dont buy it. you're nta, for sure.

9r36lq

aita for hating it when the chinese student at my school speak chinese?

for the record, i am chinese and i'd like to think this isn't a racially biased opinion. i also live in a rather diverse part of canada where there's a lot more immigrants living in the area. during school, i can almost always hear someone talking in mandarin or cantonese to their classmates. sometimes, it's someone who recently moved to canada and is more comfortable talking to other people in chinese for help. i can understand that. but there's also the people talking in chinese to their friends who i know are completely fluent in english. and they're almost always talking about something off topic (reminder that i speak chinese too and can understand them). i can tolerate people who don't pay attention in class and choose to talk to other people since it's their loss, but there's something about how the chinese students talk as if they're speaking in a secret tongue that kinda pisses me off. it's like they're using the fact that the teachers haven't spent a lifetime in china to they're advantage so that they can goof off in secrecy. i get that there's nothing i can do about it, and it might just be something they do because it's more comfortable, but it still makes me a bit angry. if you're going to an english school, then you should speak english.

nta

nta, because it doesn't sound like you have issue with them speaking the language in general, but that they are using that language, your language, in an underhanded way do be disruptive and slack off and most people are oblivious to it because they don't understand it. they are taking advantage of the situation. i would feel like they're giving me a bad reputation, even if the teacher doesn't realize it's going on.

nta, if they're talking in class loud enough for you to hear, that means other people can. just because the others don't know what they're saying doesn't mean it's not disruptive

9r3cs9

aita for forgetting about a date?

met this girl, we clicked and i asked if she wanted to cool it in a couple of days (saturday). saturday came and i went to club with friends like usual, completely forgetting that i made the date. i didn't want to forget it it just happened. met another girl at the club and we talked and exchanged numbers but did not have sex. couple of days later i see the original girl again and she's pissed at me. continues to be pissed at me for a week and seems like she doesn't want to talk so i avoid conversation. one day i get a sudden realization that i made plans with her and missed them completely. she did not contact me once to ask wether plans were still on or when i'd pick her up, etc. haven't talked to her about it since but we occasionally speak on other stuff. am i the asshole for forgetting or am i innocent since she didn't remind me or text me or anything?

yta

sorry dude, yta. it isn’t that hard to write something down or put a reminder in your phone. this could have been avoidable and if i were her i’d be mad too. think from her perspective. it seems as though you don’t care enough to remember a date a few days away, and that sucks.

yta she feels like you forgot about and ignored her. if you really liked her, you wouldn't forget about her. she shouldn't need to remind you.

9r3dkj

aita for not going to a friend's wedding 3 days after my dad's 1-yr funeral?

i'm a hindu. so we have a funeral when a person dies, and another funeral ritual a year later. the second ritual is coming up. my friend's wedding is 3 days after that. now, we were close in university, but ever since passing out, we've been out of touch. i've tried calling or texting a few times, but she's been busy and hasn't really responded. i understand being busy, but if someone is important to you, you'd think you'd find some time in 6 months to just shoot a "how are you?" text, right? specially when she called up when she needed help with something. my reasons for not wanting to go? 1. i was very close to my dad. i watched him fight cancer for 5 yrs and finally lose the battle. his cancer spread to his brain and he wasn't even coherent the last time we talked. i have been depressed during every single festival this year because i miss him and i'm dreading the anniversary of his death and the funeral ritual- which i have to administer, by the way. i don't think i'll be okay during that period. 2. my mum regularly cries over my dad's death. i don't feel comfortable leaving her alone at my house 3 days after the funeral to go to a wedding for 2 days. i have one parent left, and i don't wanna lose her. the wedding venue is hours away. i can't come home if i'm needed. 3. my dad died just last year and i haven't yet been able to make my peace with the fact that he will not be giving me away during my wedding. i don't think i'm in a headspace where i can watch someone else's dad do that at their wedding. i know this is petty, but i grew up knowing my dad would do that for me, and be a great grandfather to my kids, and now it's all been taken away and i'm not okay with that yet. 4. i don't have supportive friends that i can turn to if i feel depressed during the wedding. there's a couple that stays wrapped up in each other, another couple that'd either be okay or break up again and not even go to the wedding, and a friend who says stuff that hurts. if i feel miserable at the wedding, i'd have to bottle it up inside. i should anyway. it's a happy occasion. i don't want to spread my misery there. 5. i have just been taken off anti-depressants after 4 yrs on them. i'm doing really well and i don't wanna jeopardize that and go back to the dark place because of something that i can avoid. i feel like i should be selfish here, that i should think of my own mental health and healing/grieving and i don't owe it to anyone to put myself through hell to make them happy (well, anyone other than my mother). but my friends are pressuring me to go, so i'd like a neutral opinion from strangers please. thank you!

nta

nta. i'm very sorry for your loss and hope you find strength during this time and everyday.

nta. it sounds like you are not very close with this friend, and have very understandable reasons for not going to the wedding.

9r3nl9

aita for refusing to untag myself from old fb pics with female friends at my current gf's request?

basically my current gf gets extremely upset at the inkling of any other female being my friend, even though these were people i knew and had strictly platonic friendships with before i ever met her (i have tried explaining this to my gf several times). ​ basically i don't want to get rid of old memories/pics on my fb just because my gf is telling me to. from my perspective, it's about the bigger picture of her wanting to control who i can and cannot be friends with. ​ my gf says it's embarrassing for her to open my fb and see pics of me with other girls, even though the pictures were before we even started our relationship. ​ am i being the asshole here?

nta

nta. if you don’t mind me asking, how old is your girlfriend?

nta. if we're talking about friends, then she is out of line. ex-girlfriends would be another story (potentially). that being said, relationships are about give and take. if you're serious about this girl, and if it truly bothers her, you should consider whether this is something you can be accommodating and compromise on. either that, or consider that this may be a significant red-flag that you're not able to cope with.

9r3vr0

aita for not wanting to register to vote?

so basically i was getting my full license after my provisional. i turn 18 tommorow so when i went i was given the choice to register to vote and i said no. i’m 17 and not really involved in politics and i don’t know what i am. i’m not the type of person to go off what the people around me are because i want to make my own decision. my mom says “yes he does” after i said no. i said “no i don’t” and then she kept arguing so i said “whatever” and then the lady asked what party i wanted to be and my mom said “you can be republican...” and i stopped her there and said “i’m not five, i know the different parties” and told her lady i don’t want to register now. my mom immediately kept saying it was stupid and kept saying stuff how i don’t care what happens to this country and all that blabber which makes no sense. the lady asked for the $20 fee and asked who was paying for it and i assumed she was because 1) that’s typically not something a kid would pay for 2) i didn’t bring my wallet. my mom said he is and i said “well i don’t have my wallet” so she did. long story short, am i an asshole? i’m turning 18 and want to stop being treated like i am 10.

yta

adults vote. yta.

yta. although i believe you should register to vote (you could register independent), that is your decision to make and your mom should have respected that, so you're nta in that aspect. you are an asshole for expecting your mom to pay $20 because it's not something a "kid" would pay for. you are literally turning 18 tomorrow and soon enough you're going to have to pay for everything. phone, rent, insurances, appliances, etc. grow up and pay for your own expenses. also, don't pull that "i didn't bring my wallet" shit, i did it when i was maybe 15/16 and got called out for it by my parents quick. ​

9r3zy5

aita for giving rules to a bad renter, and wibta if i decide to evict said renter?

*update* - er gathered her three animals, her closest belongings, and her food. has been at her bf's all week and not shown face around the house. i expect her to gather her things while i'm out of town fri-mon next week. if not i'll be asking her to start gathering her belongings. if i'm met with what i'm expecting to be a toxic attitude, i've got no other choice but to serve papers. i'll update when i get back in town! *original story* - this is going to be long. apologize for any formatting issues, long time lurker, rare poster. tl;dr gave one of my problem renters some rules and they respond by shit posting their "deplorable" living conditions on social media. contemplating eviction ok, so this renter. lets call her er for entitled renter. things never really clicked. she always complained about the smallest things. a pee stain from my dog, repairs that needed to be done to my house. i took care of these all the time, as i felt since it was brought to my attention i should. er was never happy. would still find things to complain about. the shit posting on social media started subtle, i should have stopped it then and there. my female german shepherd at the time would tinkle out of excitement when someone got home. shes over it but it was a problem. er gave constant complaints about how untrained my dog was. er would constantly post the accidents to social media complaining. it started to get under my skin. er then would announce every time company of hers or mine would come over, "hey watch out she's gonna pee everywhere and all over you" (i was catching hints of snarky) i confronted her about it, and made it clear i was not happy. i told her to stop sharing with everyone this issue. i eventually broke my dog of this habit through training. never a thank you, mind you. moving on. er was adamant the carpets get cleaned now that i had broken this habit. no effort on her end, but my gosh, these carpets. back to shit posting all over er's social media about "crusty carpets". my girlfriend who has the biggest heart heard her "pleas". she does not make good money and spent a good amount of money and physical labor cleaning my carpets. my gf insisted on it because she's too nice for others, god bless her. not even a fucking thank you from er. still complained that the couch wasn't clean enough!! ffwd. er brings a cat into my home without asking. her friend is out of the country for two months and er was her "last resort". great.. a cat that shits in my tub for two months. i made it very clear how upset i was over this. but er claimed i was her friends friend too, how could i do this and be upset?!. oof... er recently brought her bf's german shepherd over to watch for an undetermined amount of time (again without asking) i love him to death but she does not feed or water him and i do it out of pity. she doesn't scoop his poop either, and the guy is a god damn linebacker... huge deuces.. so you guessed it. i'm scooping his poop to. but hey er's a dog person, according to her anyways. if you haven't gotten the picture by now, i can comment for more content of the petty behavior, and stories like this. on to the sauce! i was fed up with a lot of stuff so i sent four rules to my renters. made clear to the other two before hand that this was 99% not related to them and not to take it personally. i requested (er was constantly guilty of all this) 1. please no more smoking pot, i'm tired of coming home to my house reeking of pot. 2. stop putting the baby gate up and limiting my dog to the landing on the stairs (mind you a 4x4 area) er did this constantly and it really made my blood boil. my baby girl doesn't chew a thing or have accidents, and er's way of taking care of her is to stuff the poor girl into a corner. 3. when you leave the house, please lock the doors. stop leaving out the side door (you can't lock it from the outside) my brother is a detroit cop and i have a psycho ex. er would leave all day and come home and leave the doors unlocked. i was not ok with this. 4. stop changing my thermostat, it's my house, my temperature. er would raise it by 4-8 degrees because she was cold. the rest of us, men, were too hot. moving on. er does not take this well and send paragraphs back about how i can't control everything and how i keep stating it's my house but our living space. que this morning. i came home, had to adjust the thermostat. er wouldn't even look at me. went back downstairs to let the dogs out, had to adjust it again. now here's where i have an amazing friend who i love dearly that is friends with her too, we'll call him af. af texts me, hey er keeps sending snaps to me, and i assume others - of how this house is terrible, has pee stains and smells like poop for the past year. there's a wall i need to fix where i did a plumbing repair, er posted that too of how this hole in the wall is deplorable. af tells me all about this, but also says he told er he told me. so she knows. this all brings me to this. i ordered a nest so i can lock my thermostat. passive aggressive as fuck, but hey my house. so am i the asshole for making rules? would i be the asshole if i serve er an eviction notice? i evicted my ex before, so i know how to do this. (to add fuel to the reddit pitchforks i've given er rent extensions 3 times!) to add the last bit of context - er stated long ago she would be moved out by sept. 1st. 9-1-18.. but has been.. having a hard time finding somewhere to live. er is looking for houses with the friend that is currently out of the country for two months.. i don't know how that's possible but ok! so, aita? wibta? *edit* the "year old stains" er brought up are new from my male german shepherd pup. i'm working on potty training. beyond me how she has a problem with that but allows a cat to shit in my house in a box...

nta

nta. if the house is so horrible, why the fuck is she still living there? evict the vile bitch asap.

nta. you clearly set rules, she didn't follow them, brought pets in without asking you, but pins your dog in a 4x4. smh some people

9r4pjq

aita because i can’t control my emotions and my boyfriend can’t stand it?

so i’ve been with my boyfriend for the most part of this year, i am 21 and he is 27. we’ve had a rough start but he’s been my friend for a very long time now. only since the start of the year did i realise that sometimes he can turn very nasty and say hurtful and inconsiderate things. he has a short temper when it comes to his ego and becomes very defensive when it’s something that he considers an attack on it. even when i’ve tried to explain this to him it’s another attack and it makes him really angry. i’m a fragile person and seeing this side of him scared and confused me as i’d never seen it in him before when we were friends. i have had intense emotional problems in the past and have had some really trying times this year. he has also been through a lot however, and relates all of his and everyone else’s issues to his past, which allows him to not internalise his problems and to disconnect from strong emotions because of an “at least it’s not as bad as that” approach. it’s something i wish i could do but i’m not at that point yet. however i also think it’s more of an avoidant personality thing than actually dealing with your problems. our most recent fight was over something so trivial, he was annoyed at me - i was defending myself - he thought i was angry at him - as i was trying to explain i wasn’t angry he was barely listening and flicking through his phone on purpose - i started crying and asked him to not ignore me - he got annoyed so he got up and walked out - i followed still trying to explain myself - he was walking around the house ignoring me - i was trying to grab his hands to stop him so he would actually listen - he was telling me to get out of his house - i was becoming more hysteric i asked him to hug me - he hugged me but continued to say that me crying was a cop out and he has no sympathy - i left and cried in my car for an hour gathered myself, went to buy some groceries and went back to talk to him and explain that my crying is a reaction that i have no control over i’m not intentionally crying i know that it doesn’t help the problem at all - he didn’t want to talk to me and i didn’t have anywhere else to go so he told me i can either chill and sit out there with him or go into the bedroom so i went into the bedroom. hours passed and i was still crying, people came over, they were out there having fun. i wanted to go out there and get over it but my anxiety was holding me to the bed and i felt that even if i did go out there i would be a pain to them, that they wouldn’t want me there killing the mood. my eyes were all puffy and i had clearly been crying. he didn’t come in to check on me once. i didn’t expect him to but i also would never do that to someone. i would never let someone sit in their sadness and anxiety the way i did.. 7 hours i was in bed. i felt pathetic and lonely. i am a deeply empathetic person my ideals are to give people love, to always show support to someone you care about no matter how trivial it may be and to empathise with the way they feel. i hate acting silly and panicing for no reason i’m more aware of it than i think he understands and yet it’s not something that i can really help all that much. i finally messaged him to come and help me leave the room because i still felt anxious and he sat down to talk about it. he told me he is sick of this. that he has no sympathy for when i am like this and of course he’d be there for me for “real problems” but to him this is something stupid and he wants to give it no energy. the problem is that i can’t seem to do that and he genuinely can’t find even a shred of care for me when i am struggling with this. he thinks it’s just me being childish but i am hurting so so much. sure the problem might not be real to him but to me it’s as real and as painful as it gets. he also claims that i don’t consider him when i start getting upset and how difficult it is for him which i understand and i try to consider him by leaving him alone or apologising for my actions but it feels like there’s no effort for that on his part. he has told me i need to see someone and i agree but i would also like to see some support and care for the way that i am right now... am i an asshole for expecting this from him?

nta

nta but you should go see a therapist. anxiety is a hard bitch but you can beat it! in terms of your boyfriend- you really need to think about if this relationship is making you better or worse. this is something that can be figured out with the therapist as well. good luck!

nta, but sometimes people aren't meant for each other. to be completely honest you don't sound like you should be in a relationship until you have some of these issues worked out.

9r4uwi

aita for denying my boyfriend sex?

so i'm going to try and explain this situation as best i can. 6-8 months ago i started having an extreme amount of pain when having vaginal sex, like oh shit his dick is covered in thousands of razor-blades slicing me open or oh shit my whole vagina is being torn apart kinda pain. it's bad guys. unfortunately i couldn't get it checked out and fixed straight away as i was battling other health issues. e.g operation to remove cin 3 precancerous cells of the cervix, testing and diagnosis of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, trying to get my irritable bowel syndrome under control, struggles with mental health as a direct result of my physical problems, my disability etc. so sex is and was pretty difficult and kinda isn't my most major priority. of course i've tried to do other stuff with him such as bjs, hjs and other sexual related things that weren't penetrative sex. (anal was out of the question too as due to my ibs my butt is a mess, omg is it a disaster) however this isn't enough for my boyfriend, every time we do other sexual things that weren't straight up penetrative sex it always devolves into him begging for penetration, he always makes me out to be the asshole and tells me that i don't love him or don't care about him and often starts crying if i refuse. he says masturbation isn't enough for him. i've tried to explain to him many times about my problems and he seems to understand for a bit, but forgets for some reason a few days later and starts begging for sex again. this begging can be 10+ times per day, but usually averages between 2-4 times. a few times i've given in and tried penetration and every time it's agony, he sees that and it kills the mood. he then gets angry at me afterwards and acts like i'm doing this on purpose because i hate him and want to hurt him. i've finally managed to stabilise my other health issues, so i went off to the doctor 2 weeks ago to ask what can be done. i had a very uncomfortable ultrasound done which didn't show much of anything and now i'm being referred to specialist which could take 3-6 months to get into. (not to mention the fact my doctor told me they'd likely have to do a keyhole surgery, which sucks) my boyfriend is pretty furious about all this, because it means another 3-6 months of not being able to have sex. i swear i've tried everything to make him happy, i even bought him a fleshlight out of my own money. he used it once and then told me he hates it and it's no good because it's not exactly the same as my vagina. we've done every type of oral sex and all other types, but it never really makes him happy. maybe i'm not trying hard enough and should just suck up the pain to make him happy. i understand that he has needs and sex is important. aita here?

nta

nta. you're not some kind of meat wallet at his disposal. ​ it is certainly a difficult situation to deal with for him, don't get me wrong. but, if he loves you, he'll deal with it. you are not obligated to perform for him and put yourself in pain.

nta at all. you're dealing with very serious health issues and all he cares about is fucking you. he's the asshole 100%.

9r5p8l

aita for not trying to resolve my issues with an annoying friend because i am happier without him?

background: my friend has always been a little weird. he hates groups and prefers 1 on 1 talks over everything, but i (m17) already had my group of friends when we became good friends too, and when my group of friends wanted to create a boardgame group, i really wanted to spend more with them because they are the best people i've met in my life. every break we laugh our asses off, and it just isn't the same at all with my solo friend, we'll call him eric. so eric is really into smash bros and horror movies, so we went to a smash tournament together and i went out of my house to go to his for a movie (something i never do). it's hard to admit but after a while it started to just bore me out. i never had the same fun with eric than with my group of friends. so because i hung out with my friends during the breaks, eric got annoyed and started trying to pull me away from the group by showing me memes and repeating the same questions over and over, and when he grew an obsession over gossip, he started overly annoying some of my female friends, pulling them away from the group and leaving us stranded with confusion. because of his obsession with 1 on 1 gossip, it started to become extremely annoying when he came to our group and asked literally the same thing every time: "you guys got any spicy gossip?" i was kind of done. i began saying kindly i didnt want to gossip anymore (i used to gossip with him but it became repetitive and i felt like a douche for doing it), and i also said that i had seen enough smash bros memes. then a couple days later, i didn't hear of him anymore. i later found out he ranted to some of my closest friends that he hated me, and gave them reasons to hate me as well. one of my friends turned on me and called me a traitor for leaving behind eric after all he's done. so now after all that, i now am no longer being bothered by him, but he continued his hate towards me. when friends asked to him what happened, he'd write essays named "why psclly is a whore and a traitorous cunt", and my friends told me that everything he wrote in there made no sense. now, am i the asshole for not trying to talk to him? he did some nasty stuff, and has most likely spilled secrets of mine to said female friends, and probably he also spilled that i liked a girl for a long time, that girl being one of those female friends. i feel like i might have been able to stop it by formally talking to him about why he was annoying me, and feel guilty that i'm happier without him in my life. tl;dr good friend hates my friend group and wants me out of it, thus annoying me with memes and an obsession for gossip, starts to hate me for not giving him his desired attention and does acts of revenge like spilling my personal secrets to my friends and turning people against me. aita for not formally talking to him and trying to resolve our issues, when i'm happier without him because of his harassing attitude?

nta

nta - you are allowed to end relationships for any reason at all, and you are not obligated to try and resolve issues with anyone who calls you a "traitorous cunt" behind your back.

sounds like a sook, just headbutt him and tell him get fuk definitely nta

9r611c

aita for not wanting to go to a birthday party on halloween?

my sister has a few kids and one of them has a birthday on halloween. she insists on having the kid's party on halloween during evening hours every year. i have my own kid and we like to use our precious few daylight hours collecting candy and doing holiday stuff. i love her kids and will buy them gifts and celebrate birthdays. but i feel like my sister is monopolizing the entire holiday when every other kids' birthday party waits for a weekend. she thinks i'm selfish for not wanting to come and not letting my child participate in birthday games. am i the asshole?

nta

nta. it sucks to have a birthday on a holiday. it’s not unreasonable for her to want her sons birthday to be recognized. it’s also not unreasonable to have other plans on a holiday. like you said it would be so much more reasonable of her to have the party on the closest weekend where his friends and cousins can actually make it.

nta. she can’t expect you to force your kids to miss halloween for hers.

9r64k1

aita for making my mother "walk on eggshells" around me?

my relationship with my mother is a mess that i don't think is worth getting into (but i will if people feel it's relevant). a general summary is that she raised me to respect authority figures, especially her. meanwhile i've been trying to become my own person and stand up for my own interests, even if they're not her best interests. i still live with my parents but am trying to move out soon. they buy groceries except for occasional special items they expect me to buy myself, which is obviously a great money saving deal for me. the situation in question actually happened a while ago. i had added yogurt to the shopping cart for myself, it's not an item we usually buy but they were willing to pay for it. if it had become a regular thing, it would have probably fallen into the "special item" category. to be clear, my parents bought the yogurt. this is the conversation we had the next day: mom: are these yogurts just for you or up for grabs? me: well, i'd picked them out just for me mom: i'll just buy you a new one to replace this one me: i'm not sure why you asked if you're just going to take one anyway (at this point she was angry, doing her typical huffing and stomping and slamming - she tends to do things forcefully when she's angry, so she forcefully put the yogurt back in the fridge) mom: fine. i won't have one. i paid for it, but that's fine. me: you're welcome to them i just don't understand why you would ask then do the opposite of what i said. mom: i just can't ever say the right thing with you can i? nothing i do is ever good enough is it? (at this point the conversation kind of died for a while until she brought it up again later. she will usually be angry about something, say it's over, then bring it back up again after she's had some time to stew) mom: i really don't appreciate how disrespectful you were earlier, i don't ask you for much. i expect an apology. me: i'm sorry mom, i didn't mean to be disrespectful. as far as i am aware there wasn't anything leading into this disagreement. she asks a lot of questions that aren't really questions and since she has refused to say them as statements (such as, i want one of these yogurts), i've started responding as if they're legitimate questions. she apparently feels that this is disrespectful and that she can't "say the right thing" as a result. aita for "talking back"? i added a comment with a little more of the background from my perspective if people are interested in reading/judging that as well.

yta

yta, your mom bought you the damn yogurt so don’t be a smartass when she asks if she can have one. be more willing to share with the person buying you shit. would be different if you bought the yogurt but she bought it so f*ck off. she even offered to replace it, man. she’s clearly trying. be nice.

yup, yta very much. she was being nice by asking when she didn't need to - her money, her fridge, her yogurt - and it didn't even occur to her that you would say no. now, the huffing and puffing once you said no sound a tiny bit assholy, but all in all i'd give her a 1 out of 10, while you get at least a 7. and i'd say that if you're analyzing this and bearing her a grudge for eating "your" yogurt she bought, it's high time you got your own place where your roommates will eat your hard-earned yogurt without asking.

9r6bv9

aita for thinking people are less likely to commit suicide if they’ve “attempted”?

i’m not saying they’re not as risk, and i’m also not saying this isn’t a serious issue that requires more understanding, love, and therapy. but am i an asshole for thinking someone who’s tried to kill themselves, but stops before doing any irreversible damage is less risky than say someone with bipolar disorder during a manic episode. example: joe is depressed. he threatens to kill himself often, but not for attention. he genuinely means it. he has stood on the edge of a bridge and thought about jumping, but eventually called the cops for help. jack has bipolar i. during a manic episode, he gets the motive to carry out his suicidal thoughts from his depressive episodes. i think jack is at a higher risk than joe, and joe likely will not kill himself if both are given equally good therapy. joe is less of a worry, aita?

yta

yta, because comparing traumas and risks of killing yourself is neither helpful nor productive. ​

yta. i know someone who attempted about two dozen times before succeeding. an attempt can be both a cry for help and deadly serious at the same time.

9r6w9d

aita for expecting my friend to help me through a tough time?

i'm a university student at a foreign university so i don't have any family in my university city. i was hospitalised for mental health issues earlier in the year. i was just getting out of an abusive relationship with my ex so i was very traumatised. one of my closest friends,*bella and her entire family were really there for me during that time. my own family couldn't afford to fly over to see me, so her family really took the reigns for my care and support. anyway, when i was discharged from the hospital, i still had some stuff over at my ex's place. i asked bella and another friend to pick the things up for me since i couldn't face my ex. although they complied, they did complain that they felt awkward doing it. a few weeks later, i had travelled home to stay with my mother for a while when i realised that i was still paying for my ex's gym membership (we had a joint membership) and he was not contributing to it. i couldn't afford to do this nor could i cancel the membership without attracting a heavy penalty for the next year. so i asked bella if she could collect the gym card from my ex. my plan was to "rent" it out to someone who was willing to pay for it. bella refused to do it because she felt "uncomfortable" and didn't want to be put in that situation and encouraged me to either collect the card myself, or cancel the membership (which i couldn't afford to do). i responded emotionally, telling her i couldn't believe she would expect me to come face to face with my ex mere weeks after our break up and my hospitalization. most of all, i expected her to understand that i didn't have anyone else to help me through this since i had no family in the country and few friends in university. in any event, i considered her my closest friend, so it was surprising to me that she wouldn't assist. bella asserts that she was really there for my during my lowest point (when i was admitted into hospital) and went above and beyond for me. this, i absolutely acknowledge, i had never had a better friend than her. she says she just was not comfortable meeting with my ex again etc. fast forward a few months later and we haven't talked since. as much as i want to make up with her, we can't seem to meet eye to eye on the issue. shall i just let this one go? am i the asshole for expecting my friend to help me out? did i cross a line? i really don't understand what i did wrong here. did i expect too much from a friend? edit: additional details

yta

yta for expecting your friend, who's been there for you coming out of an abusive relationship, to go see your abuser in order to get a gym card back.

yta. you are very much the asshole in this situation. she and her family have done far more for you in your time of need than most friends would ever do for anyone, and you're repaying it by demanding more and more. no one's demanding that you face your ex on your own but expecting everyone to do your dirty work indefinitely is beyond the pale.

9r6zcr

aita for hoping my sister doesnt get her kid back and goes to jail?

my younger sister has always been a bit of a spoiled brat in her early teens. she was materialistic, would throw a fit if she didnt get what she wanted, always claimed everyone hated her, the whole nine yards. dramatic, yet not out of bounds of a typical teenage meltdown. that changed 9 years ago when she met her boyfriend. i dont even know where to begin with this guy. this guy is a liar, theif, drug addict, abuser, in and out of jail. we've called the cops on him multiple times. he's stolen hundreds of dollars worth of gaming stuff from me, slashed our car tires, tried to run my sister off the road and that's the tip of the iceberg. believe me when i say he's some of the worst humanity has to offer. and he's the father of my nephew. he's also in jail as we speak. my sister is no better. she abuses drugs, she's stolen from me (just a few weeks ago she stole and pawned a game system of mine, but got it back which is the only reason i didnt go to the cops), she will break into people's cars and steal valuables for drug money, she shoplifts, and she's not afraid to get in your face and try to fight you when she's blitzed on xanax. she was on house arrest the entire time she was pregnant. unsurprisingly, my nephew was relieved of her care earlier this year. we have given her plenty of opportunity to change, to get better. my grandmother offered to pay for her rehab, to pay for lawyers, has done everything in her power to help my sister. i'm not doing so well financially so all i could offer her was support and whatever else i could. but she seems to enjoy telling us what we want to hear with no intention of changing. hell, my grandma drove her 8 hours away to see her child in another state and the first thing she did was pop a xan (which she is not prescribed mind you) and was allegedly fucked up the entire trip, in front of the folks who have her kid right now. but i digress. what i want to know is, am i the asshole for hoping she never gets her son back and eventually does something that gets her thrown in jail (as she always seems to weasel her way out of it)? i've given up on her straightening her life out and honestly just want her out of my mine. tl;dr my sister is a garbage human who lost custody of her kid and i honestly dont want her to get him back since she clearly has no intention of changing her ways

nta

nta bro. i hope your sister goes to jail, get proper treatment and stays away from drugs and abusing your nephew.

nta. she seems like a complete and utter tool who takes no responsibility for her own actions and she shouldnt be left in control of a child.

9r7lqq

aita for refusing to give this "vet" money for the "bus"?

guy has been coming around a lot to my place of work asking everyone for cash for the bus. always saying that his car had an electrical fire and what not. what really bothers me is that he's always wearing one of those [veteran](https://www.vetfriends.com/catalog/images/58_pic_1.gif) hats. from what i know anyone can wear one of those things. anywho, last night i was pumping gas and saw him making his rounds again. eventually he got to me and asked me for my money. i ended up asking him if his car catches fire often. ends up saying he isn't a bum and leaves. tl;dr guy with veteran hat asks for money, i say no. me asshole?

nta

nta - if this guy regularly turns up asking for money with the same story he is likely lying. you could call his bluff and offer to buy a bus ticket, make it clear you won’t give him cash. it’s his choice after that.

nta. if they are disturbing the peace, being aggressive, you can call the non emergency police line and they may tell them to move on. secondly, i hate to be so jaded, but many homeless/destitute individuals often blatantly lie about service. you can casually ask them “what unit were you/where were you stationed/what were your colors” and if they throw out vague garbage, or say they can’t talk about it, it’s bullshit. if you frequently see this individual, i would ask that in front of others so that they will not be bamboozled.

9r7wnw

aita for telling my gf to get rid of her dogs?

tldr; at the end. (sorry for my 2nd grad english in advance) ​ me and my gf are together for 3 years now. it is long-distance-relationship. she lives in the usa, i live in germany. we went together on vacation almost 15 times now. we are slowly trying to arrange things that she moves to germany because i dont wanna leave my country and move to the usa and she badly wants to leave the usa. win-win. ​ now the problem is, that she has 4 german shepherds. she had a tough time with her previous boyfriends and got herself over time 4 dogs and 1 cat. she is in huge dept because her animals are eating away a good portion of her salary. she can't go out with her friends because she has to watch her dogs. she can't go on longer vacations. she can hardly sleep through a night because the dogs bark. but worst of all, she still has to live in a 3 room apartment with her roommate who is driving her insane for multple reasons. she can't move to a better place because a) nobody accepts 4 german shepherds and b) she doesn't earn enough that would sustain her and her dogs. ​ now i completely understand that she loves her dogs. i have one myself and he is my best friend. but i feel like if i were in her situation, i would be able to part with my dog... i feel terrible even writing it out like this but it is how i feel. she has a lot of friends and family who would gladly look for her dogs but she can't separate herself with them. every day she tells me that the situation she is in makes her depressed more and more. she knows, that the source of almost every problem she has, is her dogs, but she can't live without them. she tells me every day that she wants to move away from the usa and i tell her that i can't arrange an apartment for me, her and her dogs because i just simply dont earn enough and can't find an apartment that accepts 4 german shepherds. on top of that, im not even completely sure that i could live with 5 dogs (hers plus mine) and having them eat away my time, money and nerves. ​ long story short, we got in a big fight last evening and i told her, for the first time, that she simply has to get rid of 2 or 3 of her dogs. she annoyed me and i told her that if she can't do that, then it probably wont work between us. she cried and cried that she doesn't wanna live without me but she also can't live without her dogs. she blamed me under tears that i'm puttin her in a horrible spot. needless to say that i felt like shit for making her cry but i still feel like she is ruining her life... ​ tldr; i told my gf that its either me or her 4 dogs and i feel like shit for forcing a tough decision on her.

nta

definitely you are nta. if your girlfriend really wanted to be with you and get out of her situation in the usa, she would do it, even if she had to rehome her dogs. it seems like she has put a lot of her emotional stability into these dogs, and if they are more important to her than a life with you- she may not be worth your time. also, if you can, try and explain to her that her 4 german sheps might find a better forever home in someone else’s care. because it sounds like they may are too much for her, and really, they deserve better.

nta. having 4 german shepards as a sole person is ridiculous, are they well taken care of? germans need excellent training, a lot of exercise, and they can have common intense medical issues . does she have pet insurance? hip dysplasia will destroy her wallet. you are probably right in saying that she needs to get rid of them. i would tell her to find a rescue or find great homes for them. a household with 5 dogs is pretty tough unless you own a lot of property - an apartment does not have that - and 4 germans will cost more, require more time, and it's just impractical. i would tell her to seriously have a conversation with herself. does she want 4 germans in an apartment? how much attention will they receive, can she walk them all and exercise them for 2 hours minimum everyday? can she pay for vet bills for 4 dogs that are prone to hip dysplasia? is she willing to pay around 200-250 in pet insurance each month? giving the dogs what's best is what needs to happen, and i doubt having her go to germany with you will give them a better life. it's literally you or the dogs. i'd wager that they're not getting what they need already though. i'm sure she loves them, but if she wants to be with you they, or 3/4 of them should be rehomed.

9r82tx

aita when i refuse to talk about yoga or religion with randoms on the internet?

i fucking hate yoga. have hated it for years and i don't tell anyone anything about how i feel about it because so many people believe it to be such a great thing and i'm sick of constantly having to defend my position like theirs is right. further i hate talking about beliefs in general. i think every person is entitled to do whatever they want to do and just stop talking about it because it's pointless to change anyone's mind.

nta

nta for not wanting to yourself, but discussions of ideas (done respectfully and intelligently, which seems increasingly rare) help us grow in maturity and understanding as people and a society. for instance, i’m catholic, but i’ve had interesting conversations with my muslim and non-denominational christian coworkers. i find it helps me understand different cultures and mindsets, which helps me be a more well-rounded person and solidifies what i believe and why. those discussions can easily turn into shitshows, however, so avoiding them with strangers is understandable since both parties are likely to walk away with nothing gained but frustration

nta. you don’t have to talk about/engage in any discussions you don’t want to.

9r8p3d

aita for going as my friend for halloween?

i want to go as my indian friend for halloween, he thinks that it's a great idea but i keep getting told that it's mildly racist. i am planning on wearing similar clothes to his, putting fake tan on, wearing glasses and dyeing my hair black. am i an asshole?

yta

yta just leave off the tan. if it's not a good costume without the fake tan, than it's just a bad costume.

yta but to be fair, you just sound ignorant. google ‘blackface’ to see why it’s racist to colour your skin in this way. the clothes and hair aren’t a problem though because they are not defining ‘racial’ characteristics. if your friend thinks it’s fine then go for it. eta i understand your friend is ok with the skin colour issue, but many others you come into contact with that night probably won’t be.

9r8pwg

aita for snapping at my friend who brought up the loss of her mother when i opened up about my problems?

two days ago i was having dinner with friends (all female) at a friend's house. after dinner i was in the kitchen helping our host, one of my best friends, with dishes, and we began talking about our problems and such. important: my friend has lost her mother to cancer 5 years ago. anyway, i opened up and told her i'm in a shitty mood lately due to a combination of my father's serious health problems and my so potentially losing his job (the firm is having financial troubles and they'll likely have to fire someone, and he's not been with them for a very long time). i paused, waiting for her comforting reaction, but i saw she was smiling. she then said: "oh, i'm sorry, it's just that i was thinking how lucky you are... your father's health will get better soon". excuse me? confused, i replied: "what do you mean? we are waiting for the results and either way he's not doing very good". "yeah, but... it's probably not cancer, right?" i didn't know what to reply and she went on, "you're lucky". finally i understood where she was going and i kept silent. "i don't know, i think your issues are easy to overcome compared to what i had to go through". i was so upset that she would bring this into our conversation, i mean, what the fuck?! i was hoping for a nice word, or even silence would have been better, but no, she had to make this about herself. i still remained silent because rage was boiling inside me, but she didn't notice apparently because she said "at least you still have your mother". i couldn't stand it anymore and snapped, "are you trying to make me feel guilty or something? you don't need to make everything about yourself and your mother, and besides, life goes on". i left her in the kitchen and went back to the living room with the rest of my friends. when she joined us a couple of minutes later she tried to look neutral. we didn't directly speak to each other throughout the rest of the evening and when i got home i started feeling guilty about what i had said. i shouldn't have snapped like that but i was very upset and disappointed that she chose not to comfort me but to minimize my issues. am i the asshole here?

nta

nta. with a friend like that who needs enemies? you were having a moment of emotional vulnerability with her and she chose to try and one-up you on the “i’m suffering” scale. total lack of empathy and awareness on her end.

nta - bringing up her mother isn't the problem: she could have said "god, i know what it's like to have a sick parent, it's so scary, and uncertain." she could have used her experience to share and validate your pain and worry. but instead she tried to use her loss to dismiss your pain and worry. fuck that. also, i'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. life gets hard and scary, and we can all use a helping hand or an open ear. i hope your father's situation improves, and your so lands a new, better job.

9r9kko

wibta if i sent a card for former friends' wedding

a couple i used to be friends with is getting married in a week or so. we were very close but i had a nasty falling out with another friend who was the mentor/employer of the wife to be. she made the choice to stand by her mentor, i can't blame her nor do i hold a grudge over it. a mutual friend tells me they often ask after me and "miss"me but it has been a year since we've spoken and when i saw them at a coffee shop the other day we acted lile strangers. would i be the asshole if i sent them a card to celebrate their marriage?

nta

wait, so they didn't invite you, but you want to send a card? i think that's thoughtful. you're nta here.

nta, it is a nice gesture. i would refrain from any mention of the falling out or anything uncomfortable because their wedding is not the time or place. just keep it to simple best wishes, congratulations, or whatever.

9rbjus

aita for getting mad about sexual teasing?

this was about a year ago but i still don’t know. my now ex boyfriend and i were dating for two years, had sex plenty of times. but then toward the last six months of the relationship he started refusing sex after we’d be making out and stripping in bed for half an hour. we would be alone in the dark in his apartment, no one home, listening to sex songs, making out, only in our underwear, feeling each other, getting sweaty, but after thirty or so minutes i would try to perform oral or go to sex and he would refuse and end the entire thing right there. so i would get mad because it’s the sexual equivalent of driving on the interstate at seventy mph and hitting heavy traffic out of nowhere. i would practically beg him, ask him why, what i did wrong, but he would just completely shut me out. i would get angry and frustrated and he would tell me that i’m pressuring him and it’s not right but to me it was fucked. i would just go to the bathroom, masturbate, and not talk to him afterward or be passive aggressive about it. i felt rejected but he felt like i was trying to manipulate him into sex. i’m not a rapist, i respected him, but what the hell

nta

i don't think it's as black and white as people make it seem. you're not an asshole for being confused, feeling rejected, and upset over it. and it makes complete sense to expect stuff is going to happen when it clearly seems to be heading in that direction. only thing that would make you an asshole is if you pressured him, blackmailed him, or forced him and you didn't. you clearly state you just ended up masturbating i think there is something missing though. like why didn't he want to? what changed? what were the reasons? like it's weird but the relationship is over so perhaps you'll never know. anyways, nta

nta. your post seems to imply (to me) that he did this *a lot*. the seemingly intentional teasing is what makes him an asshole, not that he didn't want sex. leading you on like that, especially over a long period of time, would be very emotionally damaging and trust me you're way better off without someone like that! (ps check out r/deadbedrooms for insight into how damaging this longterm withdrawal of intimacy can be)

9rcb36

aita for wanting to yell at my friend because he is making a big deal out of someone not wanting to go somewhere?

this all started when my friend, let's call him n, was planning and organizing his first dnd night, usually i dm, but he wanted to do the halloween dungeon this year. while organizing this he decided he wanted to host it at his house, which no big deal except for the fact that he loves three hours away, however we make it work and figured out how we could carpool over. so now all he needed to do is find a day that would work for us to go over, so n picks just one day the first day he could do it to propose, waiting untill literally two days before. big surprise the only people available of our five man group are my friend c and i, everyone else says they can't make it. what upset n though was not that people couldn't make it it was that one of the other members of the group, we'll call him a, said he couldn't make it when he could, but if two other people weren't going to go he didn't want to, so he said he couldn't. this has infuriated n and he has started bringing it up several times a day, even starting to yell at a if he gets off of games for the night early l. n gets wildly upset for no reason. now n and a usually fight a lot but it's part of how they are good friends, however usually i am the mediator and yell at both of them to stop this kind of thing but this time a didn't do anything wrong, we aren't forcing people to do things if they don't want to do something then they can't and that's okay, but n doesn't seem to see that tl/dr friend n is upset because another friend a said he couldn't go to a dnd night even though he could and just didn't want to because of how few people could.

nta

nta. you're the mediator; mediate between n and his crazy-ass reaction.

nta. he can be annoyed, but let it go for god’s sake. at this point he’s acting like a baby because he didn’t get his way. if your friend a doesn’t want to go because the two others don’t, he’s an adult and can make is own decision. it’s not up to n to reprimand him for that.

9rcy81

aita for not wanting my gf to play volleyball with someone?

we got into a big fight about this yesterday, and i feel like i need a second opinion. when we met my gf she says she wasn't ready to date so we were just hanging out. apparently i don't know what hanging out means because i thought that meant she just needed time. we were having a lot of fun and we were basically dating but without the label. then one night she got too drunk and she kissed some other guy. i was extremely upset but decided to forgive her. that guy was her volleyball partner, and they were still playing a season together. i decided to be fair to her and let her finish out the season, and i thought she would quit playing with him after. when the season ended, she signed up for another one with him. at this point i told her i don't want her playing with him because it makes me uncomfortable and upset. she said she was okay with it and not to worry about it but i think it's unfair to me and extremely hurtful. but again, since i hadn't really said anything about it besides being cold when she talked about it i decided to let her finish the season again. the season is coming to an end and it hurts me so much every single time she goes to play with him. she said she'd stop playing with him in all leagues except for one where they were on a 6v6 league. she said that's unreasonable, but i don't think it is because she's still interacting with him all the time. she doesn't want to find another league or even another team (which i'm okay with) and she just won't change even though it makes me extremely upset. i don't know what to do because we had a big fight about it last night and she won't budge and we are pretty close to breaking up about it. am i the asshole here and suck it up or is she the asshole? she doesn't even seem to get why kissing someone when we were basically dating (i know we weren't official, but still) is a big deal. for her it's great because she got to kiss a guy and gets to keep playing volleyball with her friends. for me it's torture. should i suck it up? ​

yta

yta. i also strongly suggest you stop using language like “let her” whenever talking about your partner. it’s super off-putting, it’s 2018 for fuck sake.

yta, and a creep. she kisses someone, before you start dating, and you think *allowing* her to continue to play volleyball with him is being *fair.* she basically tells you there's nothing going on with the guy; you give her the cold shoulder in response and again *let* her continue to play volleyball. you have major trust and control issues. don't see what either of you are getting out of this relationship, but jesus, her ever having kissed a guy she has since remained friends with is not a crime; you're being clingy as hell.

9rd2rr

aita for letting my friend take my flatmates juice?

this happened in first year of university. my friend and i both came back to my uni accomodation a little drunk and he was thirsty. my flatmate has some small cartons of juice and he wanted to take one. i said "no they aren't mine and my flatmate wont be happy you took one". my friend replied that she wouldn't notice and it was "only a small carton worth about 30p" and took it anyway. i was a bit annoyed and made him leave a £1 pound coin and a note saying he took it. i can't remember exactly what the note said but i think it was along the lines of "hey my friend (name) drank one of your juices, really sorry so here is a pound to replace one". i wrote a note instead of telling her in person saying as she would probably notice in the morning before i had a chance to say. ​ the next morning there was a harshly written note addressed to me from the flatmate in the kitchen, basically saying it was disrespectful, i should be responsible for my guests actions and that it wasn't about the money it would be inconvenient to buy another one. i apologised in person later and she said it was fine but i didn't buy her a new juice or anything since 1)it wasn't me who took it and i told him not to and 2) she didn't ask me to and 3)i thought her note was kind of rude and passive aggressive. there also wasn't any history of me taking her stuff as i bought all my own food and just ate that. i was not particularly close with this girl, we just lived together but didn't hang out outside the house so i wasn't that concerned with maintaining a friendship. ​ was i an asshole? ​ ​

yta

i agree with your roommate - it's not about the money, it's the lack of respect and inconvenience. you are responsible for the behavior of your guests when you bring them into a shared living space, so that doesn't matter in the slightest that "you didn't do it." your friend put you in a tough situation and that sucks, but it's still not okay. all that said, yta, buuuut... i mean it's not something to lose sleep over. just don't let it happen again and remind your friends that they need to be more respectful of your roommate's wishes. also, you left a note, so she left a note in return. any snarkiness you perceived is more than likely in your head, since written word doesn't contain tone or sarcasm.

minor infraction, but yta. her note may have been 'harsh', but she is right - stealing food is disrespectful, replacing the food with money doesn't make the theft right, and you are partly responsible for what your guests do in the house, because it's you who brought them in.

9rd4fn

aita if i go off on my roommate for losing my cat?

okay so, first some backstory need to be laid out. i'll be quick. i have 6 roommates. they have a dog. i just recently found a cat at work and we agreed collectively i could keep it. the stipulations were as follows; she had to stay in my room for the majority of the day. her litter box had to be cleaned and replaced with completely fresh litter. she had to be a ghost. which i personally feel like that's insane. the dog goes crazy around the house, and is perfectly chill with my cat in terms of aggression. so three months down the line i'm going through a hell of both food and litter because i had to completely empty the litter box and the dog would get her food when i wasn't looking because she doesn't have any rules. it's honestly ridiculous. but i deal with it all in stride biting my tongue and just trying to leave here so my cat can be happy. two days ago i get told that the cat has to start staying outside. their reasoning being that the litter box was starting to shut down the head of households breathing (she has copd) which i know a little about and that seems so shady to me. so i start doing my best to teach my cat to be potty trained outside. and this is a baby kitten. has no reason being outside first of all. it's basically a death sentence in southern suburbia with all the dogs. but i do my best and i try keep watch on her but let her do her own thing. i guess she needed to potty because she left my room while i was sleeping and followed one of the kids outside. no one even told me she had gone out in the rain. that she had no food outside. and i didn't wake up until 1pm. so my cats been gone 6 hours in the rain before anyone has told me about it. no one was like "hey dude, your cats gone." tdlr: roomates don't like my cat. favor their dog, let my cat outside in the rain without telling me. do i go the fuck off?

nta

nta i cannot fucking believe your roommates. im sitting here with my kitty rn and the thought of someone just letting him run away is making my blood boil. i hope by some miracle you cn get them back but i know thats unlikely.

nta for feeling upset and thinking your roommates are totally unreasonable. because they are. they agreed that bringing a cat into the home was fine, and by proxy, agreeing to the presence of a litter box and everything else that comes with having a cat in your home. they also said nothing to you about making the cat potty outside, which is absolutely absurd and potentially dangerous for your kitty. personally i'm not a cat person (due to allergies, aka i'm just jealous that i can't have cats) and i much prefer dogs anyways (see previous aside), but what your roommates expect for your cat is fucking ridiculous. however, that does not necessarily mean you would be exempt from being considered an asshole if you flipped out on them. two wrongs do not make a right. that said, you would not be an asshole if you talked to them and expressed your frustrations and hurt in a calm, mature manner. i know, it's not always easy, but i don't think you'll be getting anyone on your side by going off (as much as i totally feel you on that).

9rdiec

aita for clawing husband with my fingernails after he called me a bitch?

so my husband has had a cat for 6 years and we’ve just been together for 2. he loves this cat and sees it as his literal kid, which i don’t have any problem with cause i myself love the cat too. the only thing is he lets her sleep in our bedroom and she often want to get out very early in the morning so one of us will have to get up and open the door for her. since it’s hard for me to get back to sleep and i don’t really like the idea of having her sleep with us at night (she sometimes knocks shit over when no one’s watching), my husband gets up and let’s her out about 95% of the times. well early this morning, i’d heard the car fucking around in the room, doing all kind of shit she does when she wants out for like an hour and my husband still wouldn’t get up so i told him to let the cat out. no answer. i told him again when he reached out to unplug the fan, still no answer; and again when he flipped over to my side and whispered something thing about cuddling, he still wouldn’t get up so i eventually had to open the door for the cat and consequently unable to fall back asleep. pissed and tired i went out to the living room to work on my computer. he came out after like 30 mins and asked the usual “what’s wrong” and i told him about what happened. he said he was sleeping and didn’t hear me at all. i called bullshit because he reached to turn of the fan and did say something when he flip over. we argued back and forth, things escalated to the point when he ended up calling me a bitch for the first time after 2 years together. i got up to leave and he held me down so i grabbed his arm and went full force on it with my sharp fingernails. i could tell it hurt and now it’s kinda swollen now. am i the asshole? or is he? in my defense, the last time we fought he did threaten to hit me for the first time (if you don’t stop i’ll hit you) and it’d been stuck with me since so when he held me down so hard to day, it kinda came back and with him calling me a bitch just seconds earlier, i kinda snapped.

nta

nta, your husband sounds like he’s physically abusive and you need to re-evaluate this relationship with him or get him to change his ways or something. that “stop or i’ll hurt you”!shit does not fly, ever. the fact that he’s aware of his violent behavior and still chooses to act on it is horrible. the second he stops using his words and resorts to violence, he loses all credibility - in the argument and with general respect too. also, get a fucking pet door for your cat already.

nta. seems like you scratched at him because he *held you down* when you went to leave, not for calling you a bitch. he's the asshole with some big red flags to boot.

9rdlit

aita for denying a kid martial arts lessons because he put others in danger?

not sure if 100% belongs here but not sure where else to post it. please let me know if it should go somewhere else. so a bit of back story to start. when i was a kid i did jiu jitsu and loved it. every since i started i wanted to teach. obviously eventually i passed all the courses and got to teach. i taught through my last 2 years of high school and a bit of uni until i couldn't keep it up anymore due to other commitments and money constraints. most kids where good a few problem ones here and there but this one kid (here by know as little asshole or la) was especially tough. la never listened he argued with all the instructors and even had a few reports of bullying other kids which is a big no from us. we had multiple chats with his parents (who thought their la child was the second coming of jesus btw) and did not allow him to work with other specific students. well one day i am on the mat teaching i see this la just start to yell at another child. la hit him right in the face, blood sprayed from the other kids noise. as fucked as it is i have to give la credit for great form on his punch. i run over and of course the whole class hears the kid crying so i tell them to get back to training and have another instructor on the mat with me take the kid off to get cleaned up and make sure he is ok. i turn to la and tell him to immediately get off the mat he was done training for the day and that i and shihan ( head of the school) will be talking with him and his parents later. now these kids where around 11-13 most of them had little annoying things about them as most kids do when that age and going through changes. this one however i was just dumbfounded by. he goes off the mat and i get back to teaching. it is maybe 2 minutes later and i see la's mom standing at the edge of the mat giving me stares that could cut rocks and when i finally notice her she beckons me over. "how dare you tell my son to get off the mat! i pay good money to have him here and learn from all of you." me: "mis la's mom last name, your son punched another kid in the face and caused him to bleed, my first concern is the safety of all students and i cannot allow your son on the mat if he is going to put students in jeopardy like that." la mom: " all you instructors have done is pick on my little boy, i want to see shihan now" i tell her i have to finish this class then we can go see shihan after. she agrees surprisingly and i finish the class. i go see shihan in his office and tell him everything that had happened. he goes and gets la and his mom. she sits down and right away starts into how i am denying her son the lessons she had paid for and that i am specifically singling her son out in front of all other kids. now some of you may be wondering.."did she not see what happened?" well she is what we call a sleeper parent. any parent who drops their kid off and just sits on their phone, or ipad, computer, book etc. and could be bother to look up even once. shihan simply said that we cannot allow students who physically or mentally abuse other students in any way on our mat and that if she didn't like she was free to cancel her membership and leave. she did cancel her membership and said she was going to another place in town, which we called and warned. all the clubs where pretty close in that way. as she left she shot me some more evil looks and was telling her son it was all going to be ok. am i the asshole for denying this kid the right the train? the kid that was punched was fine thankfully, a bit bruised but nothing broken. ​

nta

nta, you did the right thing. that mother is gonna make her a kid a fucking demon as he grows up, and hopefully the masters at the other place show him some much-needed discipline.

nta absolutely. la is presenting himself as a health hazard for your other students. it sucks for him and whatever problems that kid probably has, but you’ve got to protect your other students in the end. also, fuck his mom. she’s the asshole for not getting her son some behavioral therapy.

9rdn1y

wibta - not shaking the hand of the guy that cursed out me and my family

my friend of 20-something years blew up at my then fiancee one time about 10 years ago over a silly game. we made amends, went back to best friends. about two years ago she went to his wife's bday party at his house without me as i was out of town. my child bumps into his child while running and he loses it, curses her out, kicks her out. i call him the next day to let him know that wasn't ok and he says lots of mean, nasty things about me and my family. whatever we are done for good now. unfortunately we share a good friend group. he made a terrible apology(c'mon man everyone loses it sometimes, think about the group) a few months after, but i told him he needs to apologize to my wife and child which he hasn't. i haven't spoken to him in since but we have an event coming up that we will both be at. i know he's going to walk up to me in front of everyone and try to shake my hand like everything is ok, wibta for completely ignoring him? i think shaking his hand would be a disrespect to myself and my family. other friends have said just shake and walk away to not cause a scene. i'm a super non-confrontational person, the thought of it makes me sick but i don't really want to give him any leeway.

nta

nta. he has clearly shown that he has no respect for you or your family. i only shake hands with people i respect, but that's me.

nta for wanting an apology, or for not wanting to pretend everything is okay. but, you can be civil to anyone for a day. consider whether you would be happy with the results if a scene does happen at the event.

9rdpc3

aita for telling other people my gaming partner isn’t my girlfriend even though it hurts her feelings?

throwaway for obvious reasons, i play a specific game on a competitive level and i’m part of a two man duo. well, me and this chick. she’s my partner only in the gaming sense. in my real life i’m engaged to a well known streamer. she’s gorgeous and wedding plans are going well. but for the sake of her audience and her fans, we don’t necessarily tell the public we’re engaged because a lot of her male viewers might get upset and stop watching her channel. that’s the background info. a question i get all the time is whether my gaming partner is my fiancé because i do say i’m engaged but rarely reveal to whom. last night was the first time someone asked me while she was present “are you the legendary fiancé? you two have great chemistry” or something like that. i laughed it off and said “hell no. get out of here. i would never date her.” she later approached me after the game and told me that it really hurt her feelings. she was saying that i could’ve just said no (which i did, i said no) and i didn’t have to make it sound like she was undesirable. i don’t really get where she’s coming from. she said i made her sound like she wanted me and i publicly rejected her. no idea where she got all that. i know for a fact she has no feelings for me. she has men endlessly trying to get with her because they think it’s “hot” that she’s in esports. she’s never made a move on me or flirted with me. her nickname for me is “asshole” “buttfuck” and “nubcake” which is hardly affectionate. she’s also great friends with my fiancé. so why is this such a big deal? is what i said that much of an asshole thing? am i the asshole here or is she overreacting? my fiancé, the streamer, is a different female.

yta

yta 100% if that’s actually what you said, a simple “no” would have sufficed. instead, you made it seem like there is something wrong with her, or you’re too good for her because “hell no, i wouldn’t date her”. i completely understand her being upset. maybe you should just apologize and tell her that’s not how you meant it.

yta if you actually said no in such a way. lol

9re10y

aita for judging my mothers cooking?

my mother frequently cooks new things and gets me and my siblings to try it. 99.99% of the time they’re good and i say as such. but one time she made “green tomato sundried something.” it... did not taste very stellar. she was looking at me as i tried the first bite and immediately asked me what i though (i think i made a face). i kind of mumbled out, “oh that doesn’t taste very good.” then quickly added, “but i guess that’s bound to happen eventually always trying new things.” she stormed away and said something along the lines of, “i guess i can’t cook any more.” my dad gave me a glare and went to console her, so am i the asshole?

nta

gonna say nta, but diplomacy could use some work - try not to make faces next time.

eh nta. you were honest with your mother and no matter how you chalk it up, it would have been worse to lie to her and say it was delicious. she’s overreacting.

9rf9c6

aita for calling my (14m) mom by her frist name as a joke.

so it was me (14m) my older sister (16f) and my mom in the car and we were all joking around and my mom made a joke at me and i said "okay sure samantha" before my mom could respond my older sister said "moms going to beat your ass" (my mom doesn't hit us) and then she just went off yelling at me about how disrespectful it is to call her that. i think its a overreaction we were joking. idk what do you think.

nta

i jokingly call my parents by their first names all the time, they don’t care. nta btw my name is also samantha :)

nta my oldest son once did this to me. it was in a mood where we were joking around. i did tell him that it was disrespectful to address me by my first name but i didnt freak on him.

9rfgvk

aita for calling the police on my friend?

so i have this friend, we’ll call him “carl” for the sake of this. carl and i went to the same high school, and became friends through some of our mutual friends. we also were in marching band together, and had a lot of close mutual friends through that. he’s a really good kid, and he’s always been super serious about his academics. he was the kind of person who was in all honors everything, top 10 in the school, and would stress tf out if he got a 95 instead of 100 on a test, to give some insight. he’s in his senior year now, and i know that’s a pretty stressful time with college apps and all the bs you have to get in order before you graduate. it never seemed to seriously affect him though. the high school i went to was all about their ratings, and super strict about how the students did academically. they pounded into our heads that if we didn’t get straight a’s we’d basically be worthless nothings out in the ‘real world’. its unfortunate but we had a few students in my time there that took their lives because of the pressure this school put on them. now i hadn’t talked to carl too much since i graduated. i went and visited a few times and went to football games to see them (marching band performed at every game) but we never really talked like that or hung out. i still followed him on social media though, and the other day i saw a post on his ‘finsta’ (his ‘joke’ instagram that he posted random stuff/memes on) that freaked me out. i don’t remember the exact wording, and he deleted the post after all this happened but it was something like this: “i’m done with life, i can’t take it anymore. i don’t want to be here and i’m thinking about ending it. im not smart enough to pass and i can’t shake the feeling that i’m just going to be a failure. goodbye” now how would you react after seeing that?? the comments on the post were all things from his friends like “are you ok??” “call me” “life gets better” etc i sent him a text asking if he was ok, and i tried to call him multiple times, with each call going straight to voicemail. he usually responds to texts/calls almost immediately, and he has his read receipts on so i figured his phone must’ve been off- which was unusual during the week when he’s at school. as the day went on i got more and more concerned as i didn’t get a response. i texted and called a few of his friends and they all shared my concern, because carl wasn’t at school that day, and i guess he didn’t respond to them either. i told my mom everything, and showed her the post and she got super concerned as well and we decided to call the police. we believed it was the right thing given the school’s pressure on its students and things like this that have happened in the past. a few hours later i got a bunch of messages from carl that said “why the fuck did you do that?? it was just a fucking joke don’t you understand what finstas are?? jokes!! you got me in so much trouble now i have to go to therapy and everyone hates me...” etc i didn’t reply because i genuinely thought i did the right thing. i didn’t care if he was mad. but all of his friends and even some of my friends shared the same feelings as him. they called me an asshole and told me i didn’t understand jokes and that i was a piece of shit for putting him through that. as someone who’s really been on that dark side, i can say for certain that suicide not anything to joke about even if you are just fucking around. no one else seems to share my opinion though, they all think i’m a dick. am i missing something here? is it a thing now to joke about suicide? if so, we live in a pretty messed up world. edit 2: thanks for all the supportive comments you guys! i definitely feel better about the choice i made and i would do it again.

nta

nta. it's entirely possible he's just using "it's a joke" as a cover. jokes of suicide are more along the lines of something minor putting you out and saying to that situation "might as well jump off a bridge and die fml". there was no indication of a joke, and again it's entirely possible he put it on that site/app (idk) hoping to use the its a joke cover just in case. there is a little possibility that he was joking of it because of being frustrated with schoolwork and the pressure. all in all you're nta because if he was serious and no one said anything he might be dead now. explain that to your friends point blank and also bring up how they would have been bystanders. suicide isn't something to joke about, and people who do joke about it are a good amount of the time actually suicidal. don't quote me on that, though. just in my personal experience.

nta - carl is the asshole here. you did the responsible thing. he was irresponsible. if it was a joke, he may need some therapy to understand why that’s bad. he also needs to learn how to execute a joke better. do not question doing this in the future. he’ll live through therapy. he wouldn’t have lived through a successful suicide.

9rg0g2

aita for reporting my dad's friend?

throw away account. anyway, here is some context: my dad's friend, let's call him "dave," was a truck driver. i was one time driving home after seeing a friend. i merged onto a freeway. a slow semi truck suddenly sped up. no big deal. once i was behind him, he slowed down to 55mph (the speed limit is 75). once again, no big deal. i just went into the left lane, passed him, and then moved back over to the travel lane. i made sure i could see the entire semi truck in the mirror, so i don't think i cut him off. low and behold, the truck driver suddenly speeds up and gets on my ass. he kept flashing his lights. at one point he was so close i couldn't even see his lights. i slowed down a little bit by taking my foot off the gas pedal (didn't even hit the brakes) so if he crashed, it wouldn't be as severe. he honked. once there was another opening in the left lane, i moved on over. he slowed down after that. i looked in the mirror. it was dave. and he was flipping me off and looked like he was yelling. i couldn't film it or write the drivers plate number down due to driving, but i knew what company dave works for. i saw the drivers place number and kept repeating it to myself over and over again. once i got off the freeway, i pulled over into a parking lot, and made a note of the plate number, the location, and the time. i reported dave to the company. i told my parents and brother about it, and they said that i shouldn't have done it because he could lose his job. they also said everyone has bad days and i might have cut him off without realizing it. my dad also said dave was on a warning at work because there have been a few other complaints about him from other drivers, so i really should have just let this go. he was already going through a lot. a few days later, my dad called my name. he was really mad at me because dave got fired. he, my brother, and my mom all said it's my fault and i should be ashamed of myself. they also were asking how his wife and children will get by now that he's jobless (he has 3 kids under 10). his wife is a stay at home mom. i didn't know he was on a warning or would have gotten fired, i just didn't want him hurting anyone.

nta

definitely nta. while driving that truck, he is representing his company. and while representing a company, you should not act indecently like he is (regardless, but if he really had road rage like that, on company time is the worst time to do it.) it also does not help that he then started driving dangerously risking a collision. you were definitely in the right.

nta, bad day or not he’s risking other people’s lives when he acts that way, and when i read he already had other complaints that says enough for me. you did the right thing, i genuinely don’t understand your family feels differently.

9rgcoz

aita for yelling at my roomate to grow the f up?

a few days ago i got a sudden call from my father. he started yelling at me for being irresponsible, and that he was disappointed for having a son like me. i was just not expecting something sudden like that. i ask him why. he said he got a text from my roommate's mom about how messy my room was(we live in separate rooms), and how i allowed some rice to rot over the sink. lie. the rice wasn't even mine, we live with 2 more people and he just assumed it was me. not even to talk about how my room was messy, since it's not his problem... my roommate was just unhappy about how things were going and just decided to tell his mom about it. his mom then thought it was the right choice to just tell my parents about it and there we go. the fun thing is that it's not the only thing my parents heard about me. he was talking about me behind my back to his family for almost a year, just accumulating "proof" that i was a bad roommate. some of them were really my fault and i assumed them, but some were lies and bullshit. like for example me not cleaning my bathroom. he cleans his once a week, i clean mine each 2 weeks...(i don't know why he was interested in my bathroom)... i waited for my father's lecture to end and just went to "talk" to said roomie. we were both at college but i made sure no one else was around. i just couldn't hold myself and started to tell at him, even though it was just a few phrases, it felt good. i told him that every time you have a problem with someone you should treat it with the person immediately and exclusively. that was actually a day 1 rule that we made. i also told him that he was a coward for going to his mom and that he was an ass for getting "proof" against me (and some 3 more phrases that doesn't need to be said again). today i was telling some of our mutual friends and the story and why we were not talking... they just turned to me and said i was the asshole.... so.... aita?

nta

no nta. you were in the right. why couldn't he just come to you? very sneaky

nta, but your dad is. who tf calls their child and screams at them for something that is probably not even true given the source and tells them that hes disappointed in them for something so meaningless? also your roommate sucks for making assumptions and being so immature as to allow their mom to snitch to your father.

9rh4nm

aita for being upset

my birthday is coming up in a little more than a week, and my boyfriend's car just died. now we knew the car was having problems, its a 1996 infiniti with just shy of 300k miles on it, it was bound to happen. the problem is we're on a fixed income, and things are pretty tight financially, so a monthly car payment isn't anything to sneeze at. but we live in rural mo, have a toddler, and need a car. so my boyfriend called around and found a dealership that will work with his abhorrent credit, if i cosign. i'm a stay at home mom, at his insistence, and i've told him before that i'm not comfortable co-signing loans when i have no income. now we're fighting because he thinks it's unreasonable for me to be upset that he's told this dealership that i'll co-sign, and he's acting like this is the only way we'll be able to get a car. he thinks i'm upset because he's not getting me anything for my birthday, and completely glossing over my issue with the loan. also, he's arranged for us to go look at/put the downpayment on the car, on my birthday. sorry for formatting, i'm on mobile. tldr: boyfriend's car broke down and now he's guilting/pressuring me into co-signing a loan so he can buy himself a new car, on my birthday.

nta

nta. i wouldn't co-sign, especially when you don't have a ring on it. no judgment. i find it preposterous that you have to be married to have any sort of legal protections in a relationship in this country, but that reality isn't going to change between now and your birthday.

nta. he's asking you to make a big financial decision that you've already told him you're uncomfortable with. you should be open to discussing the idea or your terms for doing it if you absolutely need a car yourself. but it's difficult to say exactly without knowing more about your relationship. at the very least, have you thought about buying a car off craigslist? i just bought mine there and have had friends doing so for years. you might be able to find something reasonably priced, in your area, with someone who will drive to meet you. be cautious and smart about it, but it really saved me and my budget.

9rhbbw

aita for breaking up with my girlfriend when i found out she was asexual?

for the record, i have nothing against people who are asexual. what two consenting adults do, or don't do, is none of my business & i honestly couldn't care less, but i don't think i could live that life. ​ a few years ago, i dated a girl and from the start i knew sex wasn't going to be a big part of the relationship, early on. she was a young christian girl (i was young as well, don't worry), so i figured things wouldn't be very sexually-driven, and i was more than willing to wait as long as she wanted; she had a wonderful personality, it's one of the main reasons i was attracted to her ​ eventually, we had a conversation about sex, and she revealed to me that she was asexual, with no intent on having sex, ever, even talking about adopting as opposed to doing the dance with no pants (as she did want kids). so this made me somewhat uncomfortable, as i'm not completely sure if a relationship like that would work for me. so i ended up ending the relationship. however, after doing so, i got practically attacked by a mutual friend, calling me an asshole and various other nasty things. i've honestly been questioning this for a while, and i'm curious what the internet says about it. ​ ​ for our ages: i had graduated the spring before we got together (we got together in the summer) and she was a (rising) senior in hs. we had started talking when i was still in school but it took me a little bit too long to grow a pair and actually ask her out. ​ for the length of the relationship: about half a year, a little bit more than. ​ as for my relationship status with the friend: oh no i definitely dropped all contact with her after that shit. tbh, she had always been more friendly with my ex than with me, it wasn't a huge surprise. when it came to our friend group, my ex was the popular one, so when we broke up i lost contact with a lot of them & only one of them actually said something outright to me. ​ as for the actual breaking up itself: the entire conversation was done over text, and while i wasn't as soft as i probably could have been, i don't think i was an outright dick to her or anything. i was a stupid kid, but not a malicious one; any assholishness in the actual text itself was unintentional, because i was (and still am) very bad at talking to people. ​ as for the people saying that we could have talked about an open relationship or something along those lines: she would have shut that down in an instant, and honestly i don't think i'd want one anyway. i'm not one for polyamorous relationships; but then again i've never tried it and they always say don't knock it 'till you've tried it, lol. ​ as for the people calling her an asshole for not volunteering the information: honestly? i'm not sure if she even knew the term for it; she didn't outright use the term "asexual" until we started having the conversation & even that wasn't until i asked her outright and told her the definition of the term. ​ ​

nta

nta. physical intimacy is a very important part of a relationship for most people. without that, the relationship would never be truly fulfilling for you. it wouldn't be fair to expect you to stay in a relationship that didn't fulfill your needs, especially when this isn't the type of situation where there's any chance of compromise or a middle ground. in fact, i'd venture to say that she was mildly assholish for not being more upfront about the asexuality thing at the beginning. she's going to have a hard time of it if she keeps springing that on someone well into a relationship.

nta your are *fundamentally* incompatible.

9rhfp4

aita for making a distasteful joke

last semester, i lived in an apartment with three other guys that go to my university. on our fridge, there was a small whiteboard that we would all write inside jokes on or other dumb shit from time to time. we have a rather crude sense of humor and would sometimes write some not so politically correct comments. one day i went over the top and jotted down a list of some very ridiculous offhand blurbs and forgot about it. while i don’t remember exactly what all of them were, they were all in the vein of “bush did 9/11” edgy type phrases, with that probably being less outlandish than most of what i had up there. some really nonsensical stuff. anyway. i put that on the board in passing and forgot about. a few days later, my freshman year roommate wanted me to host a “social gathering” at my apartment since he and his roommates lived in the dorms and that type of thing isn’t allowed there. i give him the go ahead and he invites around 10 people over, most of which i’ve never met before. the people arrive, everyone is socializing and having a good time. later in the night, people are standing around in the kitchen chatting when some of the people my friend invited noticed the whiteboard. one particular comment on the board; the only comment that i distinctly remember being on there, was “white supremacist welcome”. now you might say that this is obviously super racist, but given the context of all the other things on the board, i thought it was extremely obvious that everything on there was written to be facetious. the comment was about something that had recently happened locally and i very much intended it to come off as a blatantly ironic statement. one of the girls, who is a hipster sjw type, and also black, raised her eyebrow at that phrase and pointed it out to me. i just laughed and was like “oh yeah, ridiculous right!”, thinking she’d seen the crude humor in it. i was somewhat caught off guard when she changed tones and said something along the line of “oh, so that’s how it is around here”. as someone who considers myselves to be very sympathetic and supportive of poc, i didn’t really know how to respond to that and just told her to look at all the other nonsensical comments to show that it was, apparently not so obviously, intended to be an “anti-statement”. she didn’t see it the way i did, labeled me a racist, and left abruptly. i’ve seen this girl three or four other since then, and every time she’s seen me, she’ll make a big show of it, roll her eyes, and be like “oh it’s you again”, then proceed to passive aggressively stare at me and make things really awkward, or just leave. every time i’ve tried to be friendly she shuts it down and gives me no time of day. am i the asshole?

yta

it's tough, because i get that there's sarcastic and edgy humor around, i do. (i also think that "white supremacists welcome" is a really lame attempt at being "funny" because *lol so edgy*, so keep in mind that may influence my decision.) but i'm gonna go with yta here. you knew there were people coming over. those sort of jokes are only funny to you and your friends, and it takes 0.5 seconds of thought to realize that they will make people who don't know them uncomfortable. it takes maybe five seconds to erase a whiteboard, another five seconds to write your comedic screed upon it again after people have left. i get that proponents of "un-pc" culture say that it's not your job to be responsible for people's emotions. but when you are inviting people into your house, you as the host have a duty to make them comfortable. jokes about white supremacy rarely make people comfortable. therefore, you're the asshole, although your roommate is too, maybe more so, since it was his party.

yta. the way you describe the girl is pretty bad. like anyone who disagrees with you is just an easily offended sjw in your mind. you don't really give a good description of what was on the board so it is hard to judge that, but for multiple people to be offended by it you would think "hey, maybe this joke went to far." side story: in college i knew a guy that got the poster in the hall of our dorms removed by drawing stuff he thought was funny on it. he drew a swastika, hitler mustache, and turban on the poster. he thought it was hilarious and couldn't understand why it was messed up.

9ri1wf

aita for not giving a shit about my brother being engaged.

my big brother is 6 years old then me, we were never particularly close as kids even though it was just the two of us and our single mother. he went off to university when i first started high school and i can honestly say since then (i am now 23) we have only seen each other a handful of times if we were at the same funeral, wedding or christmas gathering. he never spoke to me or attempted to reach out to me and when i tried relentlessly to contact him he wouldn't reply. i had such heartbreak going through my teen years as a young girl watching all my friends around me have good relationships with their brothers and more importantly their brothers gave a shit about them and their lives. it's part of the reason i think i was so boy obsessed, only caring about dating as a teen because i craved that male to care for me. i decided to give up hope on having a relationship with him when i was 18 and let it go, it was too painful. i just would quietly hope he was having a good life and get on with living mine. which would have been sad, but i'd deal with it. however... about 6 years ago he met a girl, and slowly but surely he and her would spread rumours around the family about me and bad mouth me because i didnt chose to finish university, relentlessly calling me a loser even though since i left school at 18 i have worked full time and not lived at home or had any support. at one point i was dating an architecture student and my brother got drunk after the wake of my uncles funeral and told me "one day andy will realise he is an architect and you are a nothing working in retail, and he will leave you." and a few months later we broke up, not for that reason at all but i was so heartbroken and all my brother had to say to me was "told you so." i also got sexually assaulted by a crazy serbian neighbour, called my mum at the police station and she didnt know what to do so she called my brother and when i told him i didn't want to press charges i just wanted to move because i'd seen he had guns and i was afraid, my brother said "typical of you, always doing the bare minimum." there are many more examples of him being cruel to me, but i wont drag on. him and his girlfriend have been horrible to me for 6 years and not spoken to me and out of the blue i got a message from him saying he proposed to her and sent me a photo. i didnt reply. now my mother and family are angry at me for not calling him to congratulate him? i don't even know him? i dont even know her? all they are to me are horrible people and i feel sick at the thought of going to their wedding.

nta

nta. he's ta (in fact, i should use a stronger word). it can't have been easy growing up with a brother like that. getting engaged does not absolve him of anything - stick to your guns; if you don't want to congratulate him, don't.

nta. dude sounds like a real prick. take care of yourself and, if i were you, i'd avoid that wedding like the damn plague.

9ric6w

aita for telling my friend her “sexual assault” was her fault?

throwaway cause this can be a touchy subject. myself and two friends were hanging out a bit ago and someone brought up the #metoo movement. one of the friends we will call “v” says she has been sexually assaulted recently. my other friend and i tell how sorry we are to hear that and my other friend who is closer to v starts seeing if she wants to talk about it. so v explains she was at a bar with some friends and friends of friends. there was some solid drinking going on and she was chatting and whatnot with this guy who was part of the group. they had danced and gotten kind of close as the night was getting late. as she told it, he invited her back to his place and she said something like “idk maybe, we will see” cause she didn’t want to just shut him down, but also didn’t want to sleep with him. he continued to sell it to her and how it’d be fun and as the night wrapped up he got a cab and as everyone was leaving she hadn’t arranged a cab for herself yet. in the heat of the moment after the group quickly dispersed she said she didn’t want to be left alone by the bars while drunk and didn’t want to bail on the guy and have him talk bad behind her back to this group, she just got in the cab. from there he went forward with trying to hook up with her and she said she was so scared being alone at his house with him she didn’t want him to get upset if she stopped things or tried to leave (cause i asked why she didn’t call a cab or a friend) so she hooked up with him. now she claims she was sexually assaulted by this guy, but i poked at her story saying at no point did she actually communicate she did not want to have sex or even to go home with the guy in the first place. she made no effort to tell any of her other friends there to get her out of the situation and i don’t think internal social pressure counts as power over someone to commit sexual assault. i think she had plenty of opportunity to avoid the situation and he in no way forced it on her and i told her the lack of communication and lack of any effort to get out of the situation puts this on her and saying the guy sexually assaulted her is not right. that was not taken well by her or the other friend. am i the asshole??

nta

nta imo, but this seems like a much more complex story that can be summed up in a reddit post.

nta the guy in question did absolutely nothing wrong in the story is as you stated it. sexual assault is very terrible but you just can't claim this whenever you feel like it. at some point the girl needs to take some responsibility. this "i feel sexually assaulted therefore i am" is extremely toxic and dangerous behavior that can potentially ruin an innocent guy's entire life. if you're friend truly feels that much social pressure then maybe she should think about seeing a psychologist cause she might have a form of social anxiety disorder.

9rjisv

aita for emailing my boss

** ​ hi there, ​ i live in the uk (london). i work at a place where payday is on the 25th every month. a lot of the employees (myself included) make minimum wage, which is less than the living wage in london. every month payday is clearly marked on the schedule, and every month a few days before payday we receive a payslip detailing what we're going to get paid, and it has payday marked as the date of payment. i'm often paid a few days late. am i the asshole for emailing my boss the day after payday and asking him to pay me as i'm in overdraft and have many bills i need to pay? i know the place kinda runs on a shoestring budget but this is stressing me the f out and i gotta pay these bills. ​ thanks, ​ a possible asshole

nta

definietly nta the payday is marked at a date and you have bills to pay. you should get the money when your told you're gonna get it

nta. people will step all over minimum wage workers without some pushback, and solidarity helps too. check the laws in your area, here in the us the dept. of labor would i believe have cause to fine or censure a business for a practice like this. just being able to cite a law or an interested regulatory body will usually shut down a boss trying to pull this crap. but also be sure about when/why they can fire you, again here we have a lot of ‘right to work’ states where you can be fired for no reason.

9rkhcv

aita for not appeasing my wife.

nearly every thursday is a planned night i spend with old friends staying up late in my office playing video games online. its not spur of the moment. we have been doing this for quite some time. my wife and i agreed on it, she calls her grandmother and i spend time with buddies. it *has* been a point of contention in the past when i was spending more then 2-3 nights a week doing this. recently for the past 2 months or so, my wife has been finding reasons to interrupt my time with my friends with little things. she will text me or come in my office "i need a hug" "come kill this (harmless) bug" "can you come help me real fast with xyz". i would say normal around the house stuff. i am usually accommodating but i do tell her "when i get to a stopping point i will come do abc" i am starting to have this gnawing feeling that she is doing these things to pull me away from my friends (its more about spending time with them really we all live in different areas nowadays). last night we are doing our usual thing i get a text "can you come get these pillows off the floor i don't want you to trip on them when you come to bed". now, she is already in bed, the pillows are in the bedroom on the floor. i think to myself "why doesn't she just pick them up". that thought barely forms when she calls me. yes, calls me from bed. i ignore it. oh boy. ok so i text, "thank you i will be careful when coming to bed". well. that didn't go over well. she now wants me to come get them right now, why did i ignore her its "frustrating" when she could hear me talk to my friends but i wasn't responding to her. i said "sorry. i am spending time with friends" she responds "no shit. i love you goodnight" she never curses. i write back "ok then" and then she gives me the "your friends aren't more important than your wife". obviously a sort of guilt trip, to me. i respond with "sorry, if you need me to spend more time with you, please communicate that, don't use passive aggressive gestures, it doesn't fix anything. thursdays are a planned night for me to spend time with my friends. i would never dream of interrupting a night you are having with your friends whether you're at the house or out in town. it really feels like you're doing all these things on purpose because you're unhappy." there is quite a bit more, but here's the tldr version her- go have fun with your friends but make sure to stop what you're doing when i need you to pay attention to me me- this time is for my friends and i, i spend 6 nights a week with you. i will not say "how high" if you scream "jump" am i the asshole here? can i get some some input from other married folk? edit for clarity. it is once a week. thursdays. about 8 months ago before our agreement it was 2-3 random nights of the week.

nta

nta i’d understand wanting to spend more time with you but she needs to drop this passive aggressive shit, that can’t be good for a relationship. i’d be upfront with her: you need to talk it out with her or it’s gonna continue how it is.

nta. you made a clear point about thursdays, well in advance. unmarried woman’s perspective: i think you’re right about her being unhappy about something but she either doesn’t know what that is, doesn’t know how to tell you, or doesn’t want to tell you. you are sensing something wrong but you are seeing it as a selfish interruption. it could be a cry for attention she doesn’t know she is making. do the other aspects of her life (work, family, friends) seem to be normal? in the end she could just want to spend more time with you, or miss a time when you paid more special attention to her. about the pillows, i know my boyfriend often misses what i think are clear invitations for sex, and that could be what she was trying to do but it would still be an interruption to a time she agreed to leave you alone.

9rlbtg

aita if i want to stop being friends with her?

i was attending a party with my boyfriend and some of my friends. i found out later in the week (from my boyfriend) that a girl that i consider to be a close friend had criticised me to my boyfriend and suggested that he could do better/ i wasn’t ‘girlfriend material’ . it made me question the friendship a lot, even though we are in the same group of friends and very close. aita if i don’t want to be her friend and should i confront her? would that make me the asshole? edit/

nta

you’re nta. friends don’t say shit like that. friend-dump her.

nta. i know confrontation might feel *so good* in this situation but just consider- the type of person to criticize someone’s so to their face is very likely the same type of person to vehemently deny such criticism. this is not an honest person with good intentions. it may not be worth it to waste your breath. for me personally, i would make it clear that i’m uncomfortable with my so communicating with them one-on-one any further.

9rlkaz

aita for not pulling over for my girlfriend to pee?

so my girlfriend and i enjoy drinking with our close group of friends. we switch off on who is the designated driver each weekend, and this past weekend happened to be my turn. my friends were drinking very heavily, along with my girlfriend who was very clearly wasted by the time we called it a night. at some point i called the drinking off and told them we were gonna head home. i practically had to pull my girlfriend out of the bar, and i could barely hear her mumbling something about going to the bathroom first, but i was too preoccupied trying to get my friends to the car. my girlfriend was in the front seat, me driving, and our three other friends in the back. it was about 2am by this point, and we had quite a long drive ahead. about 5 or 10 minutes into the 45 min drive, my girlfriend mentioned that she had to pee very badly. now, it was 2am, and finding an open place at this time would’ve been nearly impossible and i didn’t want to be out on the roads for longer than i had to on a friday night. she could also barely stand on her own, and i didn’t think it was a good idea to bring her into a public place. so i refused to pull over, and told her to just wait until we got home. i could tell that she was very uncomfortable as the drive went on, but we were on the highway and it would’ve added about 15 minutes to our drive depending on how long it would take to find somewhere with a public bathroom, and i didn’t want any workers to see just how drunk she was. our friends mentioned just pulling to the side of the road, but i didn’t want a cop to show up, so i turned that offer down. this is the part that makes me feel terrible. as soon as we pulled into our driveway, she stumbled out of the car and immediately started peeing herself, which she was definitely upset about. my intention was never for that to happen, and i couldn’t tell if it was the long drive home and me refusing to stop or all of the drinking that did it. my friends were definitely, and still are, mad at me for this, so reddit, am i the asshole for not pulling over for my girlfriend to pee, considering it would’ve added a considerable amount of time to our drive and how drunk my girlfriend was?

yta

yta, sorry. she said she had to go, and squatting in a ditch is better than peeing yourself in the driveway. i would be mortified if my boyfriend did this to me.

yta. she said she had to pee when you were leaving, and even if, you know alcohol runs trough you. also, holding in pee puts her at risk for a uti. and now she’s embarrassed.