Datasets:

OsamaBsher

/

AITA-Reddit-Dataset

like 4

9kjas5

aita for breaking up with my girlfriend the way i did

i was my ex's first boyfriend. we had been together for 4 months or something close to it. i felt myself slowly falling out of love. she is a very kind and caring girl, but i just felt we were out of subjects to talk about 5 minutes after a conversation started. at one point she was the one that started texting and i was often the one that 'ended' texting her. i tried to slowly text her less and less and asking her for dates less, to make myself less interesting/ 'loveable'. i did not want to hurt her feelings by ending it while she was still very in love with me. this went on for about 3 months before i finally decided the one-sided relationship had gone on for too long and i broke up with her. it turned out that she was still very much in love with me, same as when we first started dating. i just kept her on a leash for 3 months trying to make her fell out of love with me, the same way i fell out with her, but instead i might've hurt her more than when i had just broken up when i had nothing but friendly feelings for her... i believe i did the right thing by trying not to make her first break up that hard, but my friends are telling i should have ended it immediately so we could both move on. am i the asshole?

nta

eh, it’s borderline. i’m going to lean toward nta because, as others have said, your intentions were good, and you didn’t know any better. on the other hand, i did something very similar when i was new to dating and looking back i can say with 100% confidence that i was unambiguously an asshole even though i didn’t know any better. being an asshole is about action more than intention. so maybe you were an asshole. you should never lead someone on, even if you are just trying not to hurt their feelings. don’t beat yourself up over this one, but don’t do it again either.

nta. you both learned a very valuable lesson. you don't lead people on in the future. her be more observant in a relationship.

9kji5x

aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for helping his ex?

alright so a little background about the situation, my boyfriend has been talking to his ex about her mental health and kind of helping her deal with her problems which when he first told me i had no problems with and saw it as ok since i know how hard it is to be depressed and have no one to talk to, but the problem that i have is he then started telling me how they watch movies online together and talk to each other on the phone after he hung up on me and told me he was going to bed which i got pissed off about so we talked about it and he said that he's not going to talk to her anymore and i saw that he messaged her saying he can't talk to her anymore. anyways so just today he told me how he feels guilty not being able to help her and i just feel so betrayed almost because we have our own problems in the relationship which he's not really focusing on but he's willing to help his ex... i don't know maybe i'm in the wrong about this whole thing... btw sorry for the wording on this post since english is not my first language.

nta

nta, he's not focusing on your internal issues but prioritising his ex. it seems like this ex doesn't have any other friends, is that why she's latched onto your boyfriend? if so, maybe compromise can be to get her some new friends? through a hobby she might like?

nta. he needs to let his ex find help from a professional or another trusted person. not him.

9kkk5b

aita? step-father, his new girlfriend and my mental health/fertility issues

my step-dad has a new girlfriend, of about a month, who is a psychiatrist. i have never met her and just found out about her. i have been seeing a reproductive psychiatrist to get off some of my medications for various mental health issues because i am planning on trying to become pregnant soon ​ my step-dad mentioned to me the other day that his new girlfriend "agrees" with what my reproductive psychiatrist has recommended for me...which obviously means he discussed with her: 1. my impending pregnancy plans, and 2. my mental health issues. i feel that this is an invasion of privacy and totally inappropriate. aita if i bring it up with him and tell him not to discuss these things with his gf (or, for that matter, even his friends)? ​ edit: a word

nta

nta. i think it would be wise to let him know how this affected you. i imagine he is coming from a place where he is feeling close to this woman and sharing intimate details of his life with her. as a parent he has failed to realise that he is not actually sharing details of his life, he is sharing details of your life. he probably did it without realising and if you have an good open dialogue with your dad (it sounds like you do) and just gently let him know then hopefully he might realise and not do it again.

nta i’m not a psychiatrist but i am a mental health professional. your dad was out of line but she should have told him that it’s not ethical for him to share that with her on your behalf too.

9kovtn

aita for not wanting to call my mother every day?

i'm 20 years old and my mother calls me every day, usually on her way home from work, to talk about her day. i've been living out of home for 2 years (and before that at a boarding school since i was 13), and it's been a daily habit ever since to the point that she'll make a snide remark if we don't talk on the phone for a day. these calls usually last at least 10 minutes and i don't typically talk much outside of just agreeing with what she has to say as she talks about what's going on with her life (i'd say probably a 10/90 split). she's a very hard-working and generous person but she spends a lot of time talking about the praise she got during the day and i find it difficult to deal with listening to her pat herself on the back so often. the thing is, i find these calls really annoying and it gets on my nerves. it know i sound selfish, but i'm tired of having to give up 15 minutes of my day every day without warning (usually when i'm in the middle of something) to listen to her talk about events i'm not concerned about. i know that i'm important to her (and vice versa) and that our time on earth is finite so i should really make the most of our relationship while she's here, but i feel that when i'm hesitating and feeling frustrated every time i see her caller id show up on my phone i'm growing to resent her. i would be much more comfortable talking 2/3 times a week and having something substantial to say, and that she was more accommodating to let me discuss things i want to talk about as well. as silly as this all is, i can't think of a way of justifying this feeling in my head without coming off as a massive \*asshole\* in this entire situation. i know the obvious solution is to just talk to her about it like an adult, but i know it would upset her and pretty badly damage our relationship.

nta

nta, its probably going to damage your relationship more bottling up annoyance every day. just talk to her like an adult.

nta but you gotta remember that for a big portion of her life she was used to having you around, and that she probably does miss you and wants to keep the connection alive. maybe try telling her that the frequency is too much for you but you would still like to talk, maybe take the initiative to call her every so often when you have down time and it wouldn’t intrude on what you’re doing. i just lost my mother this past week and i regret not calling her more often to chat about the little things and i wish she’d been like your mum and called me every day so i could of spent a little more time with her.

9kp8l3

aita for asking my "best friend" for money he owes me?

so last year in august me and my 2 best friends went to la to have a good time right. we were looking for cheap plane ticket and i found a pretty cheap one . so we decided i will buy all 3 tickets from the website i found it and they will pay me back. so friend a pays me back but friend b says he doesn't have job and he will pay me later. since i had job and had a bit of money i said yha that's fine. when we get there i paid for the airbnb and a pays me cash right there but b is like add it up and i will pay. we spend time there, come back home. friend b is switching jobs from one to another. i understood as we all were students and i didn't say anything. jump to this summer. i got laid off from work but still had money to go on a vacation. now friend b has a job.. me and my 2 friends plan to go on another vacation, this time to thailand. before we went we asked friend b if he has enough money to spend in thailand for 3 weeks he says he has " enough to have fun". one day we plan to buy plane ticket. this time since friend b already owes me a lot of money i pay only for myself for plane ticket. friend b tells friend a if he can cover the ticket and will pay friend a back monday cause " that's when he gets the paycheck". friend a pays for friend b ticket. we go to thailand for 3 weeks. after 1 week friend b says he is completely out of mone. me and friend a has no other choice than to pay for everything for friend b for the rest of our vacation. we looked up if we can send him back home early but the price would be same as buying new plane ticket. so we pay for everything for friend b jump to september this year. i found a new job but pays really low. friend b barely works for doordash. that's his work🙄 so now whenever i ask for my money since last august he gets mad at me saying how much shit he has to pay other people. am i the asshole for asking him to pay money back?

nta

nta, but you probably won't see that money, your friend is a mooch.

nta i don't think he really ever intended to pay you back with that history.

9kq8cu

aita for not helping a guy push his car

for context i am a 16m that looks maybe just a little older, this happened last night near a gas station on a busy street. i was walking out of a 7/11 after using the bathroom and when i start crossing the parking lot to get to the side walk a man says "hey, my car ran out of gas, could you help me just push it over to the gas station?" in his defense we were pretty close to the gas station, like only about 90 feet between him and the nearest pump. but as soon as i saw him alarm bells started going off in my head. he looked to be in his late 40's, driving an old red honda odyssey, he was balding across most his head and was missing some of his teeth. i said, "no thanks pal, i shouldn't be out this late anyways." kind of trying to laugh it off, i never stopped walking. he persisted and then said, "please just help me." and i kept walking. he said "okay you fuck," and then "you little fucker!" and i just kept walking. he hurled insults down the street as i walked and i could hear him shouting as i turned the corner down the street. i know it may seem like i'm obviously not the asshole but his car was decently close to the gas station, so i want you people to decide. ​ (edit: i changed 15 minutes ago to last night because i typed this up last night just never hit post)

nta

nta, you didn’t feel safe.

nta. no sane person would have berated you with insults for refusing to help them. normal people would say okay, never mind sorry and let you be on your way. he definitely may have had fucked up intentions but you’ll never know but what we do know is he’s mentally unstable and that’s enough of a reason to avoid him.

9kt8j9

aita for calling another girl pretty when my girlfriend asked?

i went to my cousins wedding the other day and i was telling my girlfriend how it was and that i enjoyed my time etc. she then asked me what the girl looked like as she was curious, so i said that i thought she was pretty. she didn’t like that answer, apparently it was disrespectful to her and very creepy that i called my own cousins wife pretty and i shouldn’t have said that.

nta

nta. she's very insecure and needs to sort it out, maybe even therapy. she isn't the only pretty woman out there and of course you'll find other girls/women pretty sometimes.

nta. disrespectful? it would be more disrespectful to lie to her and say she looked ugly, would it not?

9kv918

aita for exploiting audible?

just a few minutes ago, i was ordering stuffs from audible. i had one credit left; being the broke college kid that i am, i was going to spend my final credit and cancel the service. while spending my credit, and messing around with my account, i accidentally broke the system while doing something(for morality's sake, i won't say what). suffice it to say, that i bought an audiobook, confirmed the purchase, and lo-and-behold, my credit was still there. after a moment of shocked disbelief, i tried buying another audiobook. still one credit. i checked my debit card's history, and audible wasn't charging me- i was getting these for free! i proceeded to buy five books in total, one of which i needed for college stuffs, and that i'd logged on to buy in the first place. i figured that five is not too high a number. i then canceled my subscription, and took off my debit card as a payment method, just in case they try to charge me later. i don't intend to take advantage of this again, assuming the bug is linked to my account or something. if amazon notices the inconsistency and tells me to return the audiobooks, i'll definitely do it- i mean, they aren't technically mine. i just wouldn't want them charging me for them. and i didn't buy huge amounts- i ended up with less than $100 of material. maybe someone with a better moral compass would have immediately messaged the company and informed them of the mistake... and someone else might have stolen as much as they could. i think i took the moderate middle route. but am i an asshole?

yta

yta. just because you removed your card, doesn't mean they don't have it and won't file a charge against your account. good luck.

yta but who cares. i would've done the same thing

9kxeu1

aita if i feel secretly envious and sad about my good friend’s pregnancy?

backstory: i am 99% sure i’m infertile due to breast cancer treatment. i haven’t tried to get pregnant but i stored my eggs before treatment in case i ever wanted to. i’m 40. i don’t feel good about all of this, but it’s the way it is. one of my good friends told me she is having her second baby, and i was instantly happy in my heart for her. but then later that day this thought crept in...i hate to admit it but i felt pangs of grief and envy for not being able to have had kids because cancer took that away from me (essentially). of course this is all just my inner thoughts; i’ve never expressed this to her or any of my friends who are happily having babies, because why would i ever dump such negativity on to such lovely happy news? i feel bad and guilty for even having these emotions in secret, so i could never say this to my friends. i’m reaching out here to hopefully get some helpful impartial perspectives to help process it somehow. i truly am happy for her. she is an amazing mother. and it makes me smile whenever i think about the little new person who will arrive in the world one day soon. but am i a total asshole for having these feelings of sadness that it’s not happening for me, jealousy that their bodies work beautifully and mine doesn’t? what do you think?

nta

nta i think being an asshole requires some form of action, you can’t control how you feel directly. try not to let it manifest in you unhealthily, but your feelings are valid.

nta. you had a life that you wanted altered because of something (cancer) that you can't control. i'm sorry that was taken from you. edit i can't work reddit sometimes.

9kyonh

aita for slapping a kid?

okay, calm down, i’m not advocating violence here. and he was maybe 13 or 14, who knows. so here’s the story, i was waiting for a bus this evening on my way home from work, and there were maybe a group of 6 - 8 young boys at the bus stop just hanging out, and they started throwing sticks at me. and i know that they really just wanted attention so i ignored them for 5 minutes, then i told them to “fuck off”, and that got them super excited and started throwing more sticks me. and at that point i just lost it, i turned around and asked who did it, bunch of them pointed to one, that boy was giggling and making a chinky eye face at me (i’m a tiny asian girl), so i went up to him, grabbed his arm and slapped him in the face. on a scale of 1 to 10, i think that slap was a 7, it was loud, pretty solid considering this is the first time i ever slapped anyone. and the other boys fled, the one got slapped was cursing and screaming, tried to kick me but failed, cursed more and made a lot more faces. i think they were definitely talking racist shit in dutch (i live in amsterdam), some adults at the bus stop started yelling back at them. they stood at the other side of the road, looking really salty, until the bus came and i got home. tldr: boy throw sticks at me, boy talk shit at me, boy got slapped.

nta

nta. start shit, get hit.

nta, at least you waited a while before doing anything. telling them off should have been enough, but being racist is not okay. again, nta.

9l1rqi

aita: i asked a girl to stop hugging me and she cried

i’m pretty good friends with this girl, and in the library this morning she hugged me for a really long time, in front of girlfriend, and it was to the point where it made me uncomfortable and i said hey, get off me, and she started bawling her eyes out in the library, and i feel bad but i was also uncomfortable in the situation and i’m not sure if i should do anything besides apologizing or if i should even apologize at all.

nta

you're nta, it's your body and your choice on who touches you and when. that said, apologize to her. sounds like something happened to make her really upset and she was looking for support. don't feel bad about what you did personally, but take the fall in order to be there for your friend.

nta. your body, your rules.

9l3az3

aita for having sex with a girl ( with consent )

i met a girl in college because she was in my work group (groups of 2). we both started to get along really well and we used to meet in coffee places/college/libraries to work for the assignment. until one day that it was getting pretty late and since she lives pretty far i said this: "we can go to my place finish this there, and you can sleep in my bed that i'll sleep on the couch" she said: "there is no need for you to sleep on the couch, we can share the bed. i don't bite" so we did that. after the college stuff was finished we went to bed. after we talked a bit, front to front, the conversation started to get horny and hornier until we kissed. she started touching me and i asked if she wanted to do this and she said yes. we did it, but during sex the condom broke and somehow it caused some pain in her vagina. ( she was taking the pill, i know this because she took on before bed ). she freak out said, said to leave the bed, said she was sleepy and i took advantage on her. said that i raped her. she wanted to get out of my house so i got her an uber. i talked to my best friend, and she said that i had nothing to worry about but still, i really feel unsafe because i think at any moment the police until come at my door. she is skipping class ever since and i'm starting to feel overwhelmed with guilt. edit2: she came to college and decided to speak with me. she explained everything so i could understand. long story short, she had an abusive ex and something happened between the two that got her traumatized about sex ( she didn't told me and i also didn't asked what happened between the two ). she wasn't able to do it ever since they broke up, and she decided to do it with me because for the first time in a long time she felt sexually aroused. but she remembered some stuff and she felt really bad and started to talk without thinking. in her words: "i got sorta transported to my past and it freaked me out" she apologized for everything that she said, and she felt ashamed. we didn't spoke about charges but i think everything will be ok. thanks to everyone who took time of their day to reply and read my story.

nta

nta, if your side of the story is indeed your honest and accurate account of what happened. going by the facts here there was no alcohol or drugs involved and she invited you to sleep in the bed. she gave what a reasonable person would consider affirmative consent. when she said stop you stopped, which is exactly what you’re supposed to do. kind of a coincidence this gets posted around the same time someone else posted an aita that actually was a rape, with almost exactly opposite circumstances.

nta. you got consent before before you had sex, there was no alcohol involved(to our knowledge), and she was the one that suggested sleeping together.

9l3dri

aita for asking my exgf to stop parking infront of my apartment.

my street is very close to my university, which is where my ex gf lives (on campus). her building has a parking lot but since it's on campus its like 600$ to park for a year there. my street (litterally right next to the parking lot) has free public parking, but the parking is directly across from my apartment. the nearest free public parking is 5-10 minutes walk away, meaning a total of 10-20 minutes extra walking if she were to park there. i should add that my ex knows i live on this street and knows my exact unit. my exgf was emotionally and physically abusive to me and i have had severe emotional distress because of the relationship, certain things "trigger" me and give me anxiety attacks as a result, even thinking of her makes me feel like i'm being... choked? or "compressed" if that makes any sense. i feel weak and out of control if i see her or think of her. i've been trying my hardest to move on and heal, but her car is a very distinguishable one (bright color and make) and seeing her car outside my apartment makes me immediately uncomfortable and makes me start to experience anxiety. so i texted her (for the first time in like 4 months) asking her to not park in front of my apartment, even though i know it means she'd either have the larger walk or pay for the pass. am i the asshole for doing this? i'm a male if it makes any difference.

nta

nta. she'll have to walk an extra few minutes, she'll live.

nta and sorry that you had to go through any abuse. though you have to be ready for her to say no because y’all ain’t in a relationship anymore and if she did abuse you she may not care for your concerns.

9l4tht

wibta for cutting contact with a friend because he was being a nice guy™ to my friend?

this guy is/was my friend for 3 years, with 2018 being the fourth year, and we were very close and used to trust each other almost blindly. on january through march he was acting like a nice guy to my best gal friend, saying things that her two best friends (being me and another mutual friend, we'll call him dave) always treat her like shit, which is a lie and she defended us two. besides that he was also saying things like "i always treat you better than karma_whore1356 and dave"; "you should give me a chance because i treat you right"; insisted on exchanging nudes with her even though she clearly wasn't interested, as she doesn't do shit like this. but the final straw was when he practically ruined her birthday (consisted of ~8 friends in a restaurant) by flirting with her, rubbing his leg on hers under the restaurant table and making her generally uncomfortable. she asked politely twice for him to stop, and on the third time she asked him more 'firmly', it got to the point that she asked dave to put his legs over hers so that nice guy would stop. after our group spent some 4 months without talking to him he apologized saying that he "acted strange in the first half of the year because he was depressed". we've reluctantly accepted his apology but we still don't want to talk to him and i always turn him down when he invites me to his house. what i really want is to cut all contact with him. he says that he is depressed now because he didn't have any friends besides us and he fucked it up. would i be the asshole if i stopped talking to him again after 3 months of (uncomfortably) talking to him?

nta

nta. using depression as an excuse to act like a sexual predatory makes him a terrible human being. cut all contact and move on. tell your friend to stay away from him too as this is well on its way to him spiking her drink, raping her, claiming he loves her and then stalking her.

nta you can feel bad for the guy, but that doesn't obligate you to be his friend. you should just tell him that you don't want to be friends anymore and wish him luck in the rest of his life.

9l4yu9

aita for getting upset at my wife and her friend who was staying with us and decorating at 11 pm?

so this happened about a month ago. her friend was in town with her 3 year old son because her dad had a health scare, and stayed with us because she didn't like her immediate family. my wife took the opportunity to go out shopping with her friend, while i stayed with our two 2-year old boys (fraternal twins), as she was very excited to shop for some decorations for around the house and just be away in general. earlier in the week, we had planned for, went, and got back from a two day trip to celebrate our boys' second birthday, but the elder of the two kids ended up catching something that turned out to be a bacterial infection, and it was starting to hit him a couple days after we returned. my thought process is that sleeping is one of the best things to do when you're getting sick, so i took him into the bedroom (still co-sleeping) to put him down for the night... plus i had to be back to work in the morning. about 15 minutes later, they're hanging up knickknacks on the wall... hammering in nails in the wall that's shared with the bedroom. i keep my cool, since i'm tired, but i understand that it's important that my wife have some bonding time. but the hammering continued, 15 minutes, 20... 30... i told myself, it's ok, as long as the kid stays asleep, but after 45 minutes of them hanging things on the wall, he stirred and started to wake up. that's when i went out and basically yelled at them, "really?! i'm trying to get him to sleep, can you do this later?" her friend replied, "sorry..." but had a huge grin on her face. my wife looked mortified... "we're done now," she continued. "thank you." i replied, turned around, and went back to bed. the next morning my wife chided me on how impolite i was to her friend, and while i was at work, her friend decided to stay with her sister after all. aita?

nta

nta, i think asshole is kind of extreme but i think you could of handled it better. but honestly who doesn’t handle situations poorly once in awhile? i think the best thing to do is apologize to your wife and apologize to your wife’s friend for handling the situation poorly and move on.

nta who hammers at 11pm with sleeping children in the house?

9l5ydn

aita for not picking up my high friend after telling him i won’t do it again?

my friend who is my age(16) smoked weed for the first time 2 weeks ago, he called me crying because he couldn’t drive because he was “faded” in his words. so i got dressed and picked him up and made sure to tell him i won’t do it again. he calls me today and asked me to get him because he smoked again and wants me to take him home but i’m sick and he’s whining at me like it my fault he smoked again. am i the asshole here?

nta

nta. but, it depends on how good of friends you are. at the end of the day, you did say you wouldn't do it again.

nta, he probably just needs to wait and hour and eat something before he's fine to drive. i mean that isn't always the case, if he had an edible or just smoked a ton while he was already high then yeah he's stuck. but if he has the ability to call you and bitch about it for an hour, then he should probably be fine, huge dick move on his part

9l6bzv

aita for cutting a person off that has severe depression.

to start, i have no problems with this person and i do hope he gets better. i’m 20 years old, this will matter in terms of the context of the story. i have a friend who i will call brett. brett is my age and we went to high school together. he was always a really smart and creative kid and i thought he would be doing great things at an early age. he was into graphic design, art, writing and all things artistic. in our senior year of high school brett was out for 3 months and i figured he was just sick and that is exactly what his brother told me. flash forward to graduation and i find out he was at a mental hospital and he had actual depression and needed help. we hung out and i made sure i was a good friend to him. he was heading off to school very far from here so i made sure to see him off by hanging out with him a lot. he would still face time me at school and it seemed everything was going well for him. he was going to parties, making out with girls, and he even had a girlfriend for a moment. he was a computer science major, but at the end of the school year he said he doesn’t like his major and he might change it. one day i hear that he is dropping out and might go to school when he figures shit out. i wasn’t worried because i figured he was gonna work and think about what career he wants to pursue. i ask him if he is gonna work while he is out of school and he says he is gonna start looking. 5 months go by and he hasn’t found anything. i push him a bit and tell him he has gotta do something but he kinda just shrugged me off. i thought “ok this is whatever but he is still my friend so we should hang.” i hang out with him pretty frequently and one day i see a bunch of freshman at his house. i’m not talking about freshman in college, i’m talking freshman in high school. i kinda found this weird but i didn’t judge so i just was friendly and acted like i was down when in actuality i really wasn’t. skip 3 days later and i get a call. the person who called is his mom asking where he is and if i had seen him. she starts telling me that he is hanging out with some boy named george (hid his name here) and all they do is smoke weed and do bad things. i tell her i will call him and assure her everything will be ok. i call and he doesn’t answer. i call all our friends and he still doesn’t answer. finally at like 3 am his sister calls and says he found him. my heart stopped beating and i was not worried anymore. reddit if you think this is a one time thing boy are you wrong. this happened 6 more times over the next few weeks and i was so annoyed. they once found him in the back of a bus 10 miles away. i was annoyed but i was still really patient with him. before i tell you what happens here just know that me and my girlfriend were fighting and we broke up for like 3 months at the point of this happening. one day i get a text from her saying she saw brett. i then get a text from brett saying “i just saw your ex.” and i was kinda keeping us a secret at this moment. i wanted to be sure we were back together. i respond to him by saying “oh that’s cool how was that?” he then responds with saying “it was good her tits are still big and nice as fuck.” and i lost it i went black for a second. i reply with “listen dick head she is my girl now so fuck off, and even if she wasn’t, who the fuck says that to someone who literally broke up with his girl 3 months ago, you fucking asshole.” he was taken back and apologized for his mistake right away. i said i was sorry and i apologized for going off but i am really protective of her and hearing shit like that got me mad. cut to 3 days later and he is teasing me saying why am i with her again and when a relationship ends it’s done (he has been in 2 serious relationships both lasting two weeks, this is not a hyperbole). one day i open my facebook messenger and it’s a message from him with a tumbler styled photo with a caption saying “going back to a relationship that ended is like rereading a book, it has the same ending.” so i got really mad but i was calm. i just replied with “brett not to be a dick but we are working things out and i appreciate the advice but you really should mind your own business here.” he then responds with curses and telling me with how i am a bitch. i just said ok and didn’t really care that much. he then says “i don’t wanna talk to you anymore so bye, and btw i know something about your girl that you don’t!” i just responded with “the person who is most desperate in a argument curses the most to feel validated. (or something along those lines. i then clicked off and asked my girl about it and she said she wouldn’t know. (one thing about us is that we told each other everything like all the dirty parts on her side and my side. we broke up before cause of constant arguing not betrayed trust.) i trusted my girlfriend and just left it as it is. the next day i see he unfollowed me and blocked me on facebook. i told myself i’m not gonna wanna deal with him ever again so i blocked him on insta twitter and his number. his mom called me the next week and i told her that i had no idea and we were fighting so i’m not sure if he wants to talk to me. we have mutual friends and i still hear about him from many people. everyone says he is doing bad and even visited the hospital a couple times. i always feel bad and i don’t know if i am a-hole or not. i always ask mutual friends now if he is ok and i fear the day i hear that he is gone. people ask me if i hate him and i reply with “nah i still love him like a bro, but he is mad and i don’t think we can be friends again.” i wanna text him but i lost his number and i feel really dumb asking for forgiveness when he kinda disrespected me. am i an asshole reddit? btw: this december will be a year since that happened and me and my girl are still together. if that matters in the judgement.

nta

nta. depression sucks and its great you stuck with him through phases where he wasnt making good choices. but you are not reaponsible for him. you cant make him change if he doesnt want to, and it sounds like he is toxic. hopefully he gets treatment that helps him, and perhaps he will talk to you and be a better friend. but depression is neither an excuse to be a dick, nor a reason to continue contact with someone if you dont want to contact them. thats how you end up feeling trapped in a relationship. keep checking on him if you want, but if he doesnt wanna talk to you and you dont wanna talk to him then dont go out of your way.

nta. not to sound mean but sometimes you have to cut people like that loose. i'm 30 now but during my late teens and early twenties i was friends with this guy, let's call him tim. tim was a little older than the rest of my friends, two or three years and i met him through his younger brother. tim and i were good friends at one point, played in a band together, used to meet up and play video games with him on a semi regular basis. while tim and i were good friends, he had a serious ego about his own intelligence. he used to talk a lot about how stupid people who didn't agree with him were and if i ever disagreed with him he would literally insult my intelligence. after a few years of being around tim i begun to find his negativity really hard to be around. i was dealing with mental health issues of own at the time and eventually just found he was dragging me down. shortly afterwards i moved away from home tim and i stopped hanging out all together. fast forward to late twenties and i heard through my mom that tim had to be checked into a mental hospital because he got severely depressed. despite claiming to be extremely intelligent tim never went to college, had trouble holding down a job and just stayed at home playing video games. i tried talking to him through facebook but found that we had just drifted too far apart and our friendship was eventually done. i found out last year he unfriended all of his old friends on social media because we were all assholes who thought we were too good for him to hangout any more. i took that opportunity to block him. i'm 30 years old i don't need petty teenage style drama. last year tim had a baby with a girl he met while he was in therapy and seems to be happier. i have no desire to be his friend however and to be honest i'm fine with that. life goes on

9l7gw7

aita for making fun of a transgender?

so there is someone who goes to my school who is really annoying and just this year he (thats what he wants to identify as now) switched gender to a male. this desision seemed to have come so out of left field that i kind of feel he won't stay a male and switch back because of how sudden it is so me and my friends have made a few jokes about it (but i think it's mainly just cause i don't like him i'm not transphobic) i probably am an asshole but not a transphobic one

yta

yta. you may not be transphobic, but making fun of someone, no matter how ridiculous, for being trans can still be interpreted as transphobic and is still just not something you should do.

yta. also. “transgender” isn’t a noun, so don’t go around around calling people “transgenders.” say transgender person or trans guy or something where you use it as an adjective. same way you would/ should use other descriptors, like gay, black, short, etc.

9l8l1j

aita for requesting that my housemate not file an insurance claim after i scratched his car?

i am a college student living in a house with five other guys. a few days ago, while trying to turn around in the small parking lot behind our house, i backed into my housemate's car, and left a scratch/scrape on the paint. i told him as soon as i could, apologized, and offered to pay for the damages in full. he responded by getting very angry and refusing to talk to me for the rest of the day. the next day, he sent me a text asking for my insurance information. i messaged my parents about where i could find that information, and they told me that for a small incident like this one, there was no need to go through insurance, and that it would be easier and cheaper for both of us if i paid him out of pocket. they added that because i am currently paying higher rates as the result of a speeding ticket from a few years ago, adding another insurance claim would cause my rates to skyrocket, and would ultimately cause me to pay much more than the few hundred dollars this repair would likely cost. they also added that if my housemate were to submit a claim, *his* rates would likely to go up as well, so as long as the damages were minimal, me paying out of pocket made much more sense for both of us. i messaged my housemate requesting that he not submit an insurance claim, and that i pay him in cash instead. he refused, saying that would be "committing insurance fraud". i asked my parents about this, and they assured me that there's nothing illegal about paying out of pocket. i informed him of this, and he still refused, not giving any reason. even though this was over text, it was obvious that he was still very angry. he said he "didn't give a flying fuck" what me or my parents wanted. he told me that if i wouldn't give him my insurance information, he'd contact *his* insurance company, give them my personal information, and have them track me down. at this point, i felt i didn't have any choice but to give him my insurance information, even though it might cost me hundreds (or even thousands) more than paying out of pocket. i found an insurance card in my car's glove compartment, and gave it to him. he was extremely mad when i went to his room to give him the insurance card, yelling and slamming the door as i left. obviously, i'm at fault for hitting his car in the first place, but i'd like to know what you think of my follow-up request and his reaction to it. i feel pretty bad that my relationship with my housemate has been destroyed, and that i'm now likely looking at an enormous bill that didn't have to be so enormous.

nta

your housemate is psychotic, your parents are right, and you’re nta by a fucking long shot. holy shit, i’d straight up never talk to that guy again out of fear. what a shitty, irrational way to respond to such an easy fix. i’m so, so curious: what car does he drive, if you don’t mind telling us?

if you're going to pay for it out of pocket literally no one is better off by going through insurance and it's not fraud by any stretch of the imagination. nta

9lcms5

aita for pouring my drink over this chicks head for continually asking how big my dick was?

ill keep it short and sweet. was at a party at a friends house who had other mutual friends who invited their friends who invited their friends etc etc until we had a full house/yard of like 20% friends 80% other college kids. anyways, this girl decided she would latch onto me for the night and kept asking some really personal stuff. as the night progressed it got worse and she started asking about dick size and whatnot, so she obviously wasn't listening and i ended up dumping my beer over her head and told her to fuck off. everyone got mad at me, aita?

nta

nta. that's sexual harassment. if you were a woman and she a man, had he asked your breast size or the biggest dick you can take, and you asked him to stop, and proceeded to dump your beer on his head you'd be perfectly justified.

at first i was gonna call you an asshole, then i realized if i guy was latching onto a girl asking these types of questions the girl would 100% do the same thing and would be considered a hero. nta.

9lfesz

aita for reporting my neighbor to the hoa for smoking weed?

tl;dr at the bottom. ok, so there's a bit more information to the situation than i could fit into the title. essentially, i reported her (my neighbor) to my landlord who then reported her to the hoa, both for smoking cigarettes and for smoking weed. here's the situation... my wife and i recently moved within the area. we lived in a multi-family home that was split by floors and had separate entrances. we never had to see our neighbors but we still didn't have a huge sense of privacy. we lived on the 2nd (of 3) floor and could hear our upstairs neighbor stomping around and our downstairs neighbors having weekend parties. we had a ton of other issues and so, when our lease was up, we decided to move out. near the top of that list of issues is that our upstairs neighbor was smoking weed on the premises, even though it was written into each of our lease agreements that smoking (of any kind) on the premises is not allowed. we moved 0.9 miles away to a much nicer home, but it's essentially a large house, similar to a townhome, that's split down the middle. so, it's two homes in one and we each have our own garage. like this: [https://i.pinimg.com/736x/5d/ae/e9/5daee95581ecef4776fffdbbcac6d824--duplex-family-homes.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/5d/ae/e9/5daee95581ecef4776fffdbbcac6d824--duplex-family-homes.jpg) (this is not our home, but it's similar. i google'd "2-family home") we have a much greater sense of privacy but occasionally we're reminded that we still have a collocated neighbor. no big deal, but the big reminder is when we're relaxing in our home and smell the overwhelming stench of cigarette smoke or marijuana. neither of us smokes, or ever has, and so it's completely repulsive to both of us. we tolerated it for a while, but it got to be so frequent and obnoxious that we raised a complaint to our landlord (who conveniently lives across the street in another house). our landlord spoke with the neighbor and the neighbor's response was something along the lines of "what i do in my home is my business, i've lived here 20 years and i'll do what i want, and besides it's for my anxiety!" essentially, she confirmed that she was smoking weed in her home and she thought it was acceptable. i looked up the status of recreational marijuana and found that it is illegal in my state; additionally, the lease agreements and hoa rules we have state that we cannot do something that infringes on each other's ability to enjoy the residence. it's worded this way to allow for flexibility in raising concerns, but it appears that, in her mind, she's completely justified. our landlord came back to us and said he thinks she responded that way because the last several tenants (in our current home) also smoked weed before, so nobody in this building was complaining about the other. our neighbor is probably upset now that new people moved in and are complaining about her. our landlord also said, though, that our neighbor agreed to stop smoking at home. problem solved, right? within a day, we smelled more weed and cigarette smoke, interspersed throughout the day. we mentioned it to our landlord who came over and was able to smell it from inside our home as well. he complained to her again and suggested that she maybe step outside to smoke, or find one of the many other ways to consume thc. she said she would oblige, and we hoped that would be it. the next few days seemed to be more tame, but the issue eventually persisted. on several occasions, we'd be sitting on our coach and be smacked in the face with the smell of weed or cigarette smoke. we were becoming extremely annoyed at this point. we spoke with our landlord one more time; he came over and verified it in person and then he arranged with the hoa to have a hearing. the hearing would include the hoa lawyer, our landlord, our neighbor, and maybe some other people. they may or may not assess immediate fines, but apparently she will be fined for every subsequent occurrence of this problem. the hearing has not yet occurred because our neighbor keeps delaying it, claiming she is traveling or out of town. our landlord simply assured us that the hearing would eventually proceed without her. in the interim, she has continued to smoke heavily and it still seeps into our home. as an aside, we brought up the idea of enhancing insulation but that seems to be cost-inefficient and the homes are relatively new, meaning the insulation is already pretty good. so, at this point, maybe (and especially if you are a big fan of weed) you think i'm the asshole. well, i have a few more things i want to add. i wrote a letter and shared it with my landlord, explaining that he could bring it up at the hoa hearing for our neighbor. in the letter, i explained that it was unfair to try to railroad your neighbors and lie to them about honoring their requests. i explained that we felt disrespected, despite a reasonable request and suggesting alternatives. i explained a few other things, namely that my work limits my ability to engage in consuming illicit substances. i can't get into much detail about my work, but i support the military and government and am subject to drug testing at any time, for no reason at all, and without any suspicion. i've never used drugs before, which has made it easier to fall into my line of work, but i can't be around marijuana smoke because, if that gets into my system and i test positive, it could jeopardize my career. this leads into another point, that i am the only one working in my family right now because my wife is a full-time med student and i am supporting us alone. if i lost my job, it would have a much bigger impact because she is not working. i also think my wife, as a med student, understands very well the detriments of being around second-hand smoke. finally, i explained that my wife is pregnant with our first child (i wrote this in the note so that it was in writing, but the neighbor had been previously informed of this fact). we explained that our request came from concern for our child, as second-hand smoke is very bad for an unborn fetus, and once he was born, we didn't want him having to breathe that in. each of these concerns, btw, was a contributing factor to our issue in our last home as well. {{ on another side-note, i could not bring up the anxiety thing in the letter because that may be personal medical information for her. with that said, i kind of think that's a bs excuse. as a deployed military veteran with an actual, documented anxiety disability as a result of my service, i have never resorted to drugs for coping. i've seen therapists and used lots of coping mechanisms to have a happy and successful life, and i certainly wouldn't step all over someone else to pursue a specific coping mechanism like weed. * i finally closed the letter indicating that we would simply continue to report the issue and seek ways to escalate our concerns if the problem persisted. unfortunately, i don't think she's heard the letter yet because she's delayed the hearing and is still persisting with her behavior. so, i humbly seek the judgment of our community: aita? specifically, am i overreacting to the smell (i have to tell you, it gets really strong and highly detectable)? are we pursuing this further than is necessary? i am unwilling to pack up all of our things and move again, because our new home doesn't come with the myriad issues left unsaid from our last home. looking forward to your responses. final tl;dr -- neighbor smoking weed and cigarettes, which seeps into my unit. it lingers for a long time and is strong. we are concerned about it affecting my career (i am susceptible to drug testing at any point with my job) and my wife and unborn child's health (second-hand smoke is a terrible thing). neighbor said she would stop but has not, so we complained to the hoa and are awaiting resolution.

nta

i say nta. you’ve outlined very good reasons for her to stop or use an alternate form of thc: this could jeopardize your job, this could endanger the health of your unborn child. she’s the asshole for the fact that you and the landlord have addressed this with her multiple times and she still hasn’t found an alternate solution for addressing her anxiety when other solutions (including others with thc) exist. depending on what your hoa does (if they can take action to evict her, if they’ll just fine her, not renew her lease, if they’ll just give her a stern warning), you may need to move again and find another neighborhood. she clearly doesn’t want to change and there’s not much you can do to force her. eta: you are a bit of an asshole for dismissing her anxiety and how she copes with it. marijuana is a common solution for managing anxiety. you don’t know her or her life. you can judge her for being inconsiderate and asshole, but not for her anxiety.

i'd say nta because even though i absolutely don't mind and personally think it should be legal, smoking weed is illegal in the state; you have a right to ask someone to stop something if it affects you, if said thing is illegal you have a right to report it. you tried to give the person an opportunity, they continued to do it (which is fine) but what's not fine is that they did it in a place where it would bother you. i'm sure if a smell lingers for long periods of time it can get quite annoying.

9lfzld

wibta if i left a (polite) note to my neighbor about his bass?

i absolutely hate confrontation and have had several attempts to be direct but polite (overly so) in the past backfire with roommates. i was also raised by a very confrontational parent so i'm a bit skittish to become anything remotely like that, but i am trying to learn how to be more assertive. ​ my neighbor below me seems generally nice and oblivious but has done quite a few things that have had me question if he ever really thinks about his surroundings: \- grilling on the balcony when that is actually against the apartment rules as a fire hazard and filling my balcony with smoke and leaving me to close windows (which has thankfully stopped on its own without me saying anything) \- letting his dogs bark outside, including the time he let an anxious rescue bark itself hoarse for 13 hours and the entire complex complained \- replaced the poor pup with 2 other dogs that bark slightly less but freak every time i make a sound on the balcony and scare my cat \- lets them poop and pee all over his balcony and keeps them out most of the day, even though there is a unit below him \- stomps crazy loud that even though my apartment is condo-specs and concrete i can feel it from above ​ most of this is occasional and i let it be (although i worry for his dogs) but these plus a few other incidents have made me easy to irritate when it comes to him. however, here is where i want to know if iata: ​ in the last few months i started noticing music from an unspecified source that sounded like it could be the bass from an outdoor concert in distance. given the times and frequency i quickly learned that wasn't the case. dealing with the noise was whatever– kinda annoying given that i moved out to a place in the woods that is known for being quiet and chose a top unit with few neighbors (and even knowingly moved into one where the wall that transmits sound easily is shared with friends i already knew lived there and i \*never\* hear them). ​ the bass sound was usually during the day when i was working from home and only a few hours here and there, and almost every single saturday morning from 9am to around noon or 1. in the last two days however i started hearing it starting around 7am. it sounds like it's coming from below but it's really hard to know– when i put my ear to the walls i hear nothing. when i go outside in the balcony it sounds the same + ambient noise. when i go down to his door i heard nothing until i got brave enough to put my ear on the wall and could hear it there. note that my bf can't even hear me yelling "come in" when he's standing at the door waiting for me, so sound doesn't come out easily. i do hear it when i put my ear to the ground. i'm pretty sure it's him and it's faint but it is constant. yesterday i heard it from the moment i got off work in the evening until right around 10, and then it just got fainter so i put in earplugs. i can hear the bass through my tv and any music because it's a low hum and i never turn my volume up too high so that i don't disturb my neighbors. ​ so i have a few options to address this and, given my fear of confrontation, i worry about going down there and being an (polite and shy) asshole to his face about the noise. aita if i write a polite note asking if it was him playing music starting at 7/all day and if he could muffle the bass or turn down the volume a bit? also, wibta if i spoke to management about it? we have a vague clause about sound systems not bothering others outside of your walls.

nta

if polite, nta.

nta. go to management/landlord. i don't think a note will do anything. also, if you say something and he does nothing, and you go to your landlord after the fact, he's going to know who told on him.

9lgke2

aita for calling a confused customer at home to make sure they were ok.

tldr at the end. so an elderly gentleman came into my department today to confirm that some floor mats i sold him were the correct ones for his vehicle. he said his wife didn’t like the color of the new ones. i told him that there were only two options and i would gladly refund them if he didn’t want them. after a little back and forth over whether or not they were the correct ones he finally accepts a refund and leaves. about 15 mins later he comes back up to the counter with one of his old mats in his hand. now, at this point i’m kind of annoyed because i’ve gone over all the options with this man and i really don’t feel like wasting more time. he tells me that he got “turned around” and can’t remember if i was ordering mats for him. i told him that he had just returned his mats because they didn’t like the color, but there were no other options so no more could be ordered. he says “ that’s right i don’t want them. i’m just a little confused and also can’t find where i parked.” now i’m starting to catch on that something is off. i told him i would help him find his car. so i go to the manager and tell them that this man is pretty confused and couldn’t remember what went on 15 mins ago and also can’t find his car. i said that i was going to help him find it, but to come looking for me if i wasn’t back in a few because something might be wrong. i met the man at the door and asked what kind of car he was driving. he said it was a white prius. so we walk out into the lot and i ask if he has his keys so we can set the alarm off on the car. when he pulls his key out of his pocket i see that it was a lexus key. he says “that’s odd i didn’t drive my lexus up here.” but he doesn’t have any other keys on him. so i asked if he was sure he didn’t drive his lexus and he tells me that he’s just a little confused and he thinks he did drive it. so i asked for his key and pressed the panic button and sure enough an alarm goes off about five rows from where we are. i walk with him up to his car and he asks me again about his floor mats. i just said that unfortunately they didn’t make them in the color he wants anymore and that maybe he could check for some online. he said that was a good idea and he was sorry about all the time he was taking up and said again that he was just confused. i told him it was no problem and asked if he was feeling alright and if we needed to we could call someone for him. he said he was okay and he was just going to go home. when i came back in i talked to the department manager and we decided that we would call the number we had for this man and make sure that he got home. after waiting for half of an hour i called his number and he answers the phone. i told him who i was and we were calling to make sure he was ok. he got pretty annoyed and said “of course i’m ok, why wouldn’t i be?” i apologized and said that i wasn’t trying to pry in his business just that we were concerned because he wasn’t feeling well earlier and just wanted to make sure he got home okay. he said he was fine and hung up. the few other times this man had been in our department he had been fine. mainly we were concerned he may have been having a stroke or something. that said i still kind of feel like we overstepped into business that wasn’t ours. i just would have felt horrible if this guy turned up missing or something and we had done nothing. tldr elderly man returns item, forgets the return of said item, cant remember where he parked, can’t remember what car he drove, forgets returning the item again, and gets annoyed when we call to make sure he got home ok.

nta

nta.. is this even a serious question or did you just want to tell the story?

nta. in future, you could make such a call on a pretext, and avoid revealing that you felt the guy might be having problems. “hello, mr. atric, i’m calling from customer service to make sure your visit to snoo toyota today met your needs. did you have any concerns after you left...?”

9lgruw

aita for wishing my family was a little happier about my graduation?

on mobile, sorry if the formatting is bad. also this is long and rambling because i like to bottle up my emotions inside me and eat chocolate instead of discussing them in a healthy manner like an adult. i graduated from college this past may. my parents and my younger sister came to the ceremony where they hand out your diplomas, but not to any of the family events that happened before or after. also, right after the ceremony ended, i went looking for them but couldn’t find them for thirty minutes or so - it turns out they went to the lunch area to get a table while other people’s family members were hugging and congratulating my classmates for graduating. and after the lunch was over, they sort of just patted me on the back and said, “good job, see you this weekend when you come back home” and left. maybe it’s childish of me, but i was sort of hoping for a little more excitement - not necessarily a moment like in the movies where the protagonist’s parents look them in the eye and go, “my child, i am so proud of you you have restored the honor of our clan” while uplifting music plays in the background and then everyone tosses their weird square tasseled hats in the air. but maybe a nice walk together? a meal in a restaurant somewhere? a little more interest in the degree i invested money, blood, sweat, and tears into? it’s hard to explain, but compared to other people’s families, their reaction maybe felt a little lackluster? like some people’s entire extended families traveled thousands of miles to watch their kids graduate and spent the whole week before the ceremony with them, but my family only had to drive 20 minutes to see the diploma ceremony and then left as soon as they could? part of me feels like my graduation was something that was expected of me, not a real accomplishment that i achieved through hard work and perseverance; maybe it’s because i’m the oldest in my family and we’re asian-american? but it’s not like it was smooth sailing all the way - my mental health is a wreck, i get crippling headaches pretty much every day now, and i’m probably going to need to sleep for the next two years straight to even begin to make up for the all-nighters i pulled. if i’m being over-sensitive, let me know - i’m a little emotional because it’s that most wonderful time of the month when the great old ones demand a blood sacrifice, and also my anxiety and depression are being mean to me right now. also the whole bottling emotions thing up is possibly genetic, since my whole family sometimes seems allergic to talking about our feelings. but they did buy me ice cream later, so i’m pretty sure they still tolerate me. tl;dr: am i a whiny butt? discuss.

nta

nta. how you feel is understandable. i think you feel disappointed because you had expectations and compared your family’s actions to other families. but asian parents don’t tend to display that much emotion. so they may have been proud, but just didn’t express it. hey, at least you got a pat on the back and ice cream! that’s more than i got from my parents for my graduation...

nta, you're an asshole for not making the tlrd a short overview of the story.

9lint5

aita for trying to moderate subreddits where i am not yet given mod powers?

hey! sorry if this is an usual post. i have recently become more involved with the church of the latter day saints and have been focusing my life more around the words of jesus as described in the king james bible. my life has completely turned around since i found my faith. i am exercising more often, smiling in my day-to-day life, and rarely feel tempted by greed or other negative emotions. it's really an incredible feeling, and it has helped me overcome my schizoaffective disorder without the need for more artificial medicines. i'm currently working as a police officer and while my probationary period is still in effect (so i ride with others) i'm hoping to try and share christian justice with the streets of my hometown (topeka). sorry for that long intro, but i've also been interested in extending to faith towards moderating one of my favorite hobbies, reddit. i don't have enough time between my church initiate status and my work to take on a full-time mod role, so i've been actively reporting rule-breaking posts in threads i read, as well as reporting some posts for personal reasons, including personal attack and disrespecting my faith. i've been in quite a few arguments with mods now, especially on /r/christianity. they said i was impersonating a mod, and permanently banned me from the subreddit. i deleted my post out of politeness to them, but i basically informed a user who was flaming christianity (on a christian sub) that i was warning him to remove him post within 24 hours. i said that if his post was still there when i checked back the next day i would report him and he would most likely be banned. i then tagged myself as a "volunteer community moderator." i felt like this was reasonable. i didn't want to give him a bad taste of a beautiful sub by immediately getting him banned, so i simply told him to delete his post. i messaged the mods back, but they very indignantly told me that "i had impersonated a subreddit moderator and threatened to ban another user, which is explicitely against the rules of the subreddit." they apologized for the ban, despite understanding my prior disorder, but decided to keep it in place. from my perspective, i never threatened to 'ban' anybody. i just said that i will report you if you break rules that are already in place. i'm not taking power away from the mods, at least in my opinion. i feel like i am being treated rudely for providing a genuine service. i read a statistic that only 1% of users will post on a thread, and only 1% of people who read it will bother to comment or report. i am telling people that i will not be a part of the 99%. isn't this what sub mods want? anyway, some of my more 'offensive' posts have dropped below -100, and it really frustrates me. am i the bad guy here? thanks so much for reading. i really appreciated it! love you guys. **<3 john 3:16**

yta

yta. all your comments have over -10 downvotes. take a guess, no one likes you. just from reading all your comments, it’s easy to tell you’re a troll.

yta and still are by spamming religion. schitizoaffective isn't cures my jesus, you're not thinking or acting rationally. leg broken? you'd get a cast. brain broken? go to the doctor.

9llg3b

aita for lying about being a volunteer firefighter to a smoker who littered there cigarette?

i'll keep it short. just saw this guy chuck a lit cigarette on the ground out of his car right near some propane tanks, only 7 or 8 feet from an actual cigarette disposal. something came over me and i walked over, stomped it, picked it up and said "volunteer firefighter, take it easy." he apologized profusely and rolled down his window as i walked away and said thanks for reminding him. although i'm glad i "made a difference" i'm probably not going to be a volunteer firefighter due to my circumstances and i feel like maybe disrespected the field a bit. i also feel like a smoker would respond better to a little more authority, even if it was fake. what do you guys think?

nta

i think the only person here who is an asshole is the dumbfuck who threw a lit cigarette butt that close to propane. i mean, yeah it's not good to lie and all that, but you had good intentions. so i'm gonna stick with nta

i'm gonna say nta. you had good intentions, good results, and didn't hurt anyone. cultural appropriation is a thing, but not towards volunteer firefighters haha.

9lq8cp

aita for wearing kid's clothes?

this probably sounds stupid but bear with me. i'm 19 and love kids clothes because they're cheap and cute. my smallest article of clothing is a coat aged 5-6 i wore at a formal event but most clothes are 10-11. i also have adult clothing as well. my mum hates the fact i buy kids clothes because she says it's creepy for someone in university to wear what a primary school kid would and i'll never be taken seriously if i dress like a kid (but the clothes are just plain; not pugs with hearts surrounding it or something like that). so aita for wearing kid's clothes even though my mum absolutely hates them?

nta

nta.. i tell you who are assholes.. brands that mark up prices for women's clothes just because they are for women. fight the powah!

nta. i wear kids clothes all the time. nothing wrong with that at all.

9lqwpq

aita in this weird sexual encounter?

i've been dating this girl for a month, a few days ago we had sex for the second time, it went a little weird. i'm not that experienced but we were doing missionary and then she told me to fuck her from the back. i don't know if 'from the back' is a slang in english for anal sex, but it is in spanish, so i thought she meant anal. i had never even tried that with a girl, so i was having trouble pushing it in because of how tight is. because i was focused on not losing the boner, it took me a couple of minutes to notice she was very silent. after asking if she was ok, she told me to fuck off and went to sleep. after not answering my texts for a few days, she now told me that by 'fuck me from the back', she meant ''doggystyle'' so she is upset, thinking i tried to be a smartass

nta

nta. miscommunication happens and though you totally should have clarified (and learn from this situation) she 100% should have spoken up the moment she was uncomfortable with anything that was happening. you have fucked up majorly here however and all her reacting is appropriate too.

nta but really, really bad at sex if you didn’t notice for a couple minutes that she was not enjoying it, or happy, or saying anything at all.

9lr7io

aita for getting annoyed when people tell me i look sad?

i have a serious case of resting i-want-to-die face. its like resting bitch face but it looks like i'm just upset. and my friends constantly tell me i look sad, and to cheer up. they know well that it's just my resting face, but they still decide to mention it every time we meet. every single fucking time. "why do you look so sad?" "cheer up, you look depressed." like can they not just shut the fuck up and keep their opinions to themselves? i was fine with this at the beginning, i told them it's just my resting face, but they've been doing it so long that it's starting to get under my skin. or let's say, last weekend, 5 people showed up at my house at 2pm on a sunday, 2 of them high and the other 2 drunk, while i was minding my little sister. i was sick, tired, and they just showed up at my house and wouldn't leave. i was sitting on the couch silently (since i'm tired and i just want to go back to bed) and this bitch has the fucking audacity to ask me why i'm so quiet. and this always happens too. they pressure me into doing stuff or just show up at my house, and then ask me why i'm so silent. the reason i'm asking if i'm the asshole is because recently i've started snapping at them for this. they'll ask me why i'm silent, and i'll just reply "well what the fuck do you want me to say" or something else bitchy when they ask why i look so sad. tldr: am i an asshole for snapping at people after they constantly ask me why i'm sad/silent? edit 2: a lot of people are saying they just care about my wellbeing, i think i've made it pretty clear to them that it's my resting face and it's annoying when they constantly make remarks about it. plus half the time they say it in a bitchy tone, as if they're annoyed that i look sad.

nta

nta - fellow resting i-want-to-die-face here. the fact that they are your friends and know that you look upset even when you aren’t, means they shouldn’t keep bringing it up. i’ve dealt with this my entire life, and after i get to know someone, they better stop asking me “what’s wrong,” and “are you okay,” multiple times a month/week.

nta whenever someone tells me that i always go “ so what’d you think the best possible outcome from you telling me that is?” and then they just kinda don’t know what to say and fuck off. works well for me.

9lrnnq

aita for not being social enough? or is she, for trying to make me feel bad about it?

hello, this is my first reddit post, so hope i'm doing this right..: **tldr;** essentially a friend accuses me of dropping in and out of her life and not contributing enough to a "one sided relationship," and seems to use that as a basis for a slew of insults. i just think i am not as social as she is, and her insults and accusations are out of line. aita or was she? **background (if you wanna read it, for context):** i was casual friends with this person for maybe 8-10 years (we met online). i saw it mostly as like an "activity buddies" thing, as it seemed we had similar interests in art, shows and going out to eat. so (to me), it was light, and we just saw each other a 1-3 times a year, basically when there was something we both wanted to see. i don't really like to go out much in general, i don't like parties and big social gatherings, so outside of workmates and my husband, out of all my friends, i actually saw her the most, even with this little amount. about 3 years ago, i moved closer to her, so i thought we'd be seeing more of each other (and i probably said this to her). at the same time though, i started medical treatments (nothing serious, but ongoing), and had dietary restrictions, and couldn't be counted on to join in outings or to carpool, because i didn't know when there would be a conflict with a medication time or doctor's appointment, so i actually didn't end up going out all that much. i did explain this to her before. at some point, a pet of hers died, and she had a birthday soon after, but it seemed like none of her other friends were doing much more than making sympathy and birthday posts on facebook, so i tried to be there a little more for her, and helped her choose a new pet. to me, this was a situational increase in attentiveness...i mention this because i wonder if it contributed to some misunderstanding of my intentions in the friendship. around the same time, she started increasing the frequency and scope of her invitations to go out. not a whole lot, just a little. but for example, she wanted to organize and start a drawing group together. i don't like groups and i like social events even less, so i said it sounded like fun, but no thanks, and i think i am not as social as she is (this conversation was probably 6-7 months before the argument posted below). **everything seemed fine.** we continue communicating really about once every 1 or 2 months (which again, is way more than i talk to other friends who aren't my coworkers). we were having an ok text conversation (she was complaining about how a group of people she had dinner with recently all seemed really self centered. i wasn't there so i dunno) and then when i thought we were done talking, the convo totally flipped. **in that last prolonged conversation ( in that conversation, i essentially tried to explain myself, told her there wasn't anything wrong with her (except at one point i called her judgemental), apologised, and thanked her, like an idiot. even if her description that i was more social before but became less social later was accurate, i still think she was out of line. **am i the asshole? i didn't think so at the time. then later, i was thinking.. wait a minute, she was being a complete asshole for trying to make me feel like an asshole! so which is it?** by the way. i am a middle aged female. i know this whole thing is really adolescent and ridiculous. i have a problem ruminating about stuff like this. so if you guys could clarify where the assholishness be for me, i am thinking i will stop ruminating about it. links to the last convo are at the bottom of the post if any of you are masochistic and bored enough to want to read it. thanks a bunch ahead of time! \*\*edit -- just a note, we haven't talked since the posted text messages. i think its safe to say were not friends anymore\*\* \[link to imgur texts1\]([https://i.imgur.com/hygkkfl.png](https://i.imgur.com/hygkkfl.png)) \[link to imgur texts2\]([https://i.imgur.com/ix7qce8.png](https://i.imgur.com/ix7qce8.png)) \[link to imgur texts3\]([https://i.imgur.com/74mzw6c.png](https://i.imgur.com/74mzw6c.png)) \[link to imgur texts4\]([https://i.imgur.com/hvytcbu.png](https://i.imgur.com/hvytcbu.png)) \[link to imgur texts5\]([https://i.imgur.com/lhingoe.png](https://i.imgur.com/lhingoe.png))

nta

nta but maybe if there’s an offset dynamic and either of you are unhappy you should consider ending the relationship.

well first i’ll just be honest i didn’t read all the texts. i skimmed a bit through most but the text is so tiny and hard to read on my phone. i personally think you’re nta. i’m the same way honestly with my friends except for one. actually a year or two with my closest friend, i felt the friendship was one sided because they didn’t text me first almost ever and i mentioned it to them briefly, more just to make sure they weren’t upset with me. they explained that’s just how they were and i understood and it was dropped. hopefully your friend understands too someday so you guys can stay friends.

9lt6zv

aita for saying this is disgusting?

i’m staying with my parents and while there our family dog had diarrhea on the downstairs carpet. my mom used a cleaning toothbrush, rinsing it in a salad bowl of water and vinegar, to brush the material out of the carpet while i helped by wiping with paper towel. this left a brownish, shitty, vinegary liquid in the bowl. the next morning i opened the dishwasher and discovered that she had rinsed the bowl and put it in with the other dishes in the dishwasher... to be put back with the other salad bowls that we eat out of. i called her out on how revolting this was. she countered that the dishwasher sanitized everything and “if you sent it to a lab it would come back clean” and that i was “being irrational.” also later i found the toothbrush in there too with the utensils. what do you think?

nta

nta. that is gross. but to be fair, i think if it were me id have tossed the toothbrush and cleaned the bowl with bleach and then put it in the dishwasher. i mean, the bleach would kill anything and thats generally how i clean incredibly gross dishes (like tupperware i caught a bug in ir something)

bowl is clean, it was sanitized with a vinegar and washed etc. but i would also give the same reaction so nta

9lv03c

aita for leaving the toilet seat up in my ex girlfriend's house?

i know this probably wasn't a big factor in her breaking up with me, but since we split up, i've been thinking a lot about about all of the little things which might have caused her to resent me. let's say we poo 2 times a day and wee 7 times a day. that's 9 toilet visits in total. for a man, the seat needs to be up when urinating, and down when pooing. for a woman the seat needs to be down for both. so in a household with one man and one woman - assuming the man does not put the toilet seat down after urinating, at any moment the toilet seat has 7/18 chance of being up. so the woman would have to put the toilet seat down 7 out of every 18 toilet visits, averaging 3.5 each day. for the man, 7/18 of the time, 2/9 toilet visits would require him to put the seat down. the other 11/18 of the time, 7/9 toilet visits would require him to lift the toilet seat up. so the average number of times this man would need to perform a toilet seat action (tsa for short) per day is given by the equation: ((7/18)*(2/9) + (11/18)*(7/9)) * 9. this comes out to 5. so on an average day, the man would be performing 5 tsas, whereas the woman would only be performing 3.5. this is 8.5 tsas in total. now let's consider the scenario where the man always puts the toilet seat down. for the women, this would mean 0 toilet visits would require a tsa. for the men, 7/9 toilet visits would require not only lifting the seat, but putting it down again afterwards. that is a staggering 14 tsas per day. so to conclude, women have little reason to complain about men who don't put the toilet seat down, as they still have to perform fewer tsas than the man. and if the woman were to request the man put the toilet seat down after urinating, not only is she increasing the number of tsas he would have to perform, but she is also increasing the total number of daily tsas from 8.5 to 14, which is highly inefficient. so why was my ex so adamant i should put the toilet seat down? is this controlling behaviour? am i better off without her? or am i overthinking this? 😖

yta

yta. i never should have any reason to have to touch the toilet seat. i’m not the one who needs it up, ever, so why should i be touching it?

yta. look at yourself. you’re trying to use probabilities to justify not participating in a pretty common social courtesy. you’re definitely overthinking this.

9lw4l8

aita for quitting my job?

i started teaching english at an academy on mondays and wednesdays. they hadn't warned me completely what it was about and i wasn't given a lot of info regarding what i had to do. i had 13 3rd graders to teach and follow a schedule that the company sent me a day before the first lesson. i started last monday, was super stressed and exhausted because i just think it is not my thing to teach elementary, and on tuesday i thought i'd give it one more try to see if it was just my first day. i went in wednesday and it was hell. kids were yelling, running around, trying to jump out the fucking window and so on. i decided i am definitely not a good teacher and would rather not waste their time any more and let a better teacher come. i called wednesday and told them i quit, and they had till the next monday to find someone else, which they didn't, and i didn't want to go again just to cover for them because it really was hell. so 13 kids had no teacher, but they had enough time to find one, right?... should i have done the job just to cover till they found someone new? who knows how long that could take...

yta

yta. a two week notice would have been expected in any job. giving them less than 3 business days to find a replacement isn't professional, even if you hated the job.

yta. the "correct" thing to do is to give them a 2 weeks notice(if you're american at least i'm not sure about other countries)

9m0cfh

wibta for getting angry at my best friend?

my best friend of 6 years made a team for a video game last week. he invited two of our friends and one person that he doesn't know that well. yesterday he put me on team but didn't put it on the official yet. all of sudden one questionable person puts one of his friend on the team. teams last for entire season (2 months) and can only be up to 5 players. i confront the guy about how i was supposed to take that spot and he leaves me on read. i take it up with my friend (team leader, only one who can take people out team) and he acts all understanding and tells me he'll tell then take him out. there was 8 hours left until final teams have to sumbitted. i go to bed couple hours later and. today i wake up and i am not on team! i lash on my friend and he gets defensive about it. am i the anus? sorry for bad english it is not my first language

nta

nta. he should have communicated more clearly. i’m surprised your not more angry with the team lead than your friend.

nta you reached out several times to try and rectify the situation/get clarity and they left you on read.

9m1ftx

aita because i don’t want to hang out with my friends when they go on double dates

i’m the only single gal in my group of friends, and they like to go on group dates pretty often. i’m cool going from time to time but they like to include their partners just about every time we get together, which leaves me feeling left out and reminded i’m lonely af lol. i’ve told them multiple times how i feel and they don’t exclude me from anything when we hang out, and they reassure me im not being a third wheel or anything. they mean well and they’re awesome people. but i just feel lonely and would rather stay home or leave early when they all get together every weekend, or when they all include their partners every time we make plans. we’re all in our early-late 20’s if that matters. am i the asshole for feeling this way?

nta

i'm thinking nta. however it would help to know what kind of group dates these are. are they more traditional date scenes, or things that could easily be group hangouts? also, you're nta for feeling this way, but remember that you can always just say no! it's a bit rude of them to keep inviting you to these things, but i'd bet that they're just inviting you to things in general!! which, as it goes without saying, is awesome. my rule of thumb (at least for myself) is it's better to be invited and decline, than to never be invited.

i’m thinking nta or nah. your feelings are genuine. i think your friends sincerely want you around and that’s nice. it’s always better to be included rather than excluded. maybe suggest a girls only night out a few times a month. this way you’d get the best of both worlds.

9m1gfn

aita for not remaining friends with the girl who dumped me?

throwaway, because my friend group all know my reddit account (this will make sense later). i've been dating a girl i've been friends with since my junior year of high school. we've maintained the same group of mutual friends since then (we are all seniors in college now). we're all pretty tight knit. however, she dumped me recently citing her reasons as being fomo (fear of missing out) when it comes to the dating scene, especially since we are all so young. i didn't really fault her for it, because that's a legitimate reason and i didn't think either of us were contemplating a serious future together, at least not yet. but i was, and still am, smitten for this girl and i thought it would be best if we remained not friends. when i told her this, she got a little bit defensive. according to her, i was being irrational and "punishing her" for wanting to have new experiences. i countered that of course i wasn't doing that, i simply couldn't handle a restrained friendship given how i felt for her. and then she got ahead of the story, managing to spin it to our mutual friends that i am trying to wreck the friend group, and trying to oust her. i can't get them to see that she's doing that to me. now i'm letting the self-doubt set in. i'm pretty sure i handled myself respectfully, i didn't try and blame her for anything, i didn't raise my voice, i didnt get mad. but am i the asshole for choosing to not be her friend given that we have such a close knit friend group? i'm starting to feel like maybe she has a point.

nta

nta. that being said, i think that there are ways that you can still hang out with your friends without making her feel ousted. i’d talk to your friends seriously about it and explain how you feel before getting upset.

nta. why would you want to be friends with an ex? especially if you still have feelings. sounds like you are more mature. the friend group will work itself out. people have probably already taken sides.

9m1ihv

aita for calling the cops and reporting welfar fraud on my neighbors

normally i let people do them and i do me and mind my own. i help out when i can but if some one isn't hurting some one or hurting me i mind my own. we are moving a town over and overlapped leases 1 month so it's not so stressful with already hectic schedules. while my neighbors are selling a house the own across the street and live next to me. they know we need to move but are selling the house to their daughter (it's actually in there sons name) so they can own the house next to me and still collect benefits. normally i don't look at any of this as my bussiness. but they have there whole family taking up the parking on the entire street while we are trying to move. so one day i pull up and her one daughter is parked in the center of two parking spaces (i have a baby i had to unload) they are all hanging on the porch because they have nothing better to do and no jobs. so i asked if she could pull a little forward or back so i can slide in. she says no. we get into it. keeping in mind none of them have a driver's license either. the next day they take two trucks and park my van in. so i am unable to even get out. my husband was ready to use my van and shove them out of the way. the street is empty keep in mind. except for their two trucks parked 1/2 inch from my van either way. so i proceed to ask her if she would prefer i call the cops if she won't move them and she can explain how they got there with no drivers license. she moved them. the next day though they had the front of my house again blocked off this went for 3 days. so i called the cops to report this and the driving without a license hoping to god they start pulling them over and maybe the cars get out of the street. then i reported to the welfar hotline anonymously for fraud. they all work under the table jobs, claim people that don't live with email, put houses in other names...i mean i have never seen anything like it in my life. she told me she owns the block (well two houses anyway). i can't wait to get out of this hell hole. but she does have a child and now i feel guilty. i don't know what or if anything will come of it. but i am so angry i wanted them to suffer sort of. all i want to do is move and they are making it so damn difficult.

nta

nta while your motives are far from pure ultimately if they break the law the consequences are on them.

nta. if they're not doing anything wrong, welfare-wise, they will not have consequences. if they are committing fraud, they deserve what they get because they and people like them are why other people who need welfare for good reasons have to fight to get it.

9m1w76

aita for getting mad at my ex girlfriend after she broke up with me?

my ex girlfriend and i dated for about a month and everything seemed to be going very well. she was a bit hesitant about long term commitment but she didn't say much about it, so i thought nothing of it. one day i get back from a competition and i'm hanging out by myself when i get a text from her. she said she needed to call me right away, so i told her to go ahead. she proceeded to dump me over the phone. i asked why and she didn't give an explanation, which i now know is because she was in a room full of her friends when she called to break up with me. after she hung up i was furious (she was my first girlfriend and i had never been broken up with before). at one point one of her friends posted a video to her story with my now ex girlfriend in it and she was smiling and having a good time. i was mad that she broke up with me and didn't give me a reason so i texted her and asked why she was so happy after having just dumped me. i admit that wasn't very nice but my headed was very clouded with anger at this point. she texts back and is mad at me because she says didn't want to look sad on her friends story and stops talking to me for a day or two. then for the next month she says she wishes she could take it back, but because of how mad i got when she broke up with me she didn't want to get back together. i become passive aggressive at times and say things about how i'm feeling really upset and mad because she still didn't give me a rock solid answer as to why. after anything even slightly upsetting towards her causes her to get very upset. at one point i was jealous about her going to dinner with some other guy instead of hanging out with me like we had planned (things were complicated) because she misunderstood me, and i was pretty upset because i really wanted to see her and so i said something passive aggressive about how she just didn't want to see me and then she blew up and that was our last fight before we decided to never talk to each other again. so months after our break up and falling out i sit here and still wonder if i was the asshole for all the mean things i said or if she was the asshole for dragging me along for a month and blowing up over every slightly aggressive thing i said to her. tl;dr ex broke up with me in a room with her friends, i get mad. she gets mad. this ensues for a month while i say passive aggressive stuff while she gets angry at me. never provides an answer as to why she broke up with me and drags me along with no intention to get back together with me.

yta

yta. people are allowed to be happy. if that means leaving someone you weren't together with for very long then that's just how it is. being rude and angry with her for what sounds like a very extended period of time isn't going to make her open her eyes and realize she's actually in love with you and want to get back together or something, it's just going to sour your relationship even further.

yta. you're allowed to get mad and be mad, but you acted on it poorly. breaking up is a one person decision, and there doesn't need to be a reason why, and if there is a reason, she doesn't have to tell you. what if it's your teeth, or your mom, something that you can't change and it would just make you feel bad? what if it's nothing and she just doesn't feel it anymore? what if you're the type of dude that won't accept the decision and freaks out about it for a long period of time, and she doesn't see a future with that kind of conflict resolution? you go on to say you got snarky with her for daring to be happy afterwards. some people are happy to be free of other people. she's allowed to show it. she doesn't have to make a big production about how sad she is that she had to hurt you. then you admit to being even more passive aggressive and snarky, and that alone is always asshole behavior. > if she was the asshole for dragging me along for a month and blowing up over every slightly aggressive thing i said to her. man, even if it was a 2/10 on the aggressive scale, that stuff compounds. after the third time, i'd be fuckin livid. especially if it's a thing you also did in the relationship.

9m2m9k

wibta if i let the public know of my roommate’s surprise protest?

angered by the decision on kavanaugh, my roommate has decided to hold a road block protest on monday. she wants it to stay hush hush because she wants to outrage and inconvenience people (her words, not mine). she wants people to see the protest and become aware instead of ignoring it. she told me this, hoping i’d join it but i don’t want to (and can’t due to work). i did raise some concerns about blocking emergency vehicles and public transit. she stated she’d let emergency vehicles through if they approached. i still raised concern because not everyone in a medical emergency can afford an ambulance and rather have a someone drive them. she told me i was making excuses. to be honest, i also fear for her safety in this protest. people in my city have road rage at the slightest inconvenience. again, she doesn’t care and stated she hopes someone hits her. nonetheless, would i be an asshole if i let public transit and the non-emergency line know of her surprise protest ahead of time?

nta

well.. it seems your friend is quite the dumb one. it's one thing to inconvenience people to notice your signs etc. but just ask her, what if some maniac decide to just push through the road probably injuring the group of friends she has decided to recruit. wouldn't she feel guilty? you're nta. and i'd still go ahead with the call so that there isn't any issues with the authorities and their safety.

nta, if it gets any bigger, it wouldn't hurt to call, she has a right to protest and you would be doing a favour for the cops she sounds like a miserable person. how did a handful of people driving to work have anything to do with kavanaugh. fuck, go protest somewhere else that will be more relevant.

9m9bqy

aita for not wanting a haircut.

this became a focal point of an arguement between my girlfriend and myself a little bit ago. my (24m) hair is a little longer than what my girlfriend (27f) seems to like. currently it is about 2 or 3 inches off of my shoulders and is starting to curl at the tips. i've had my hair long like this for years but my girlfriend likes it a lot shorter, like buzzed down with a 1 inch gaurd. i've done it for her before and i really hated. i don't like the look and the group of friends i have say the samething. my girlfriend says her opinion on this should be more important to me than theirs and i pretty much told her she doesn't have a say in this as it's my hair and my choice. so aita for this?

nta

nope. nta. it is your hair, your body, your choice. her preference is just that: her preference.

nta, she asked you to try something. you tried it and didn't like the result. that's a good back and forth in a good relationship. now she is pushing it too far by claiming some kind of right over your choices. that's a warning sign.

9m9rhe

aita for telling my girlfriend to take care od basic hygine?

my girlfriend has mental disorders and, because of them, finds it hard to take care of basic hygiene. things like brushing her teeth, taking a shower, taking meds, and doing physical therapy stretches for her multiple stress injuries. recently, each time i ask "hey! did you take your meds and brush your teeth?" or say "make sure to stretch your elbow!" i get an angry "lay off" and "you're not my mom" despite her not doing these things. it's gotten to the point where, as of today, she has not showered in over a week, brushed her teeth only once during the same time (despite getting a molar pulled due to neglect), and can't lift anything more than a pound. am i the asshole for repeatedly reminding her to take care of herself since she won't?

nta

nta. i can’t imagine having to deal with somebody like that, that’s just plain gross.

nta. but you are being her mom. why are you with this person? gtfo

9mcpx8

aita for asking the sister of an autistic girl who had been scream-singing for ~40 minutes if they could quiet down

full disclosure: i think i might be and please don't sugar coat if i am. this happened like two months ago but i'm still conflicted. i'm a college student. about two rooms down is this girl and she had *someone* over in her room. this someone was singing and yelling and talking loudly. i had my first round of exams for the semester and was trying to study. i would have left for the library but i was sick at the time and it was raining so i didn't really want to walk the fifteen minutes to the library. i put my headphones on and cranked it up the best i could but about 40 minutes later this girl was still yelling. i walked over to the girl's room (it was open) and she saw me and came out. i asked the girl if she and her friend could sing/yell quieter because i could hear them through my headphones. at this point i saw her "friend" who started yelling at me. based on her behavior i could see she had some sort of condition and in retrospect i could have guessed autistic but i was already there so i just finished my request that they please speak a bit quieter and i went back to my room. about ten minutes later i was called over by my ra who went off on me for being rude to this girl's autistic sister. she said i was being rude and not understanding their situation and that she is allowed to have her family over. i expressed that i didn't mind her sister being over but 40 minutes of singing was excessive and i didn't think it was rude for me to ask them to quiet down a bit. my ra said that autistic people can't help it and i need to be more understanding. i said that technically the floor was "quiet hours" anyways and that i just wanted to be able to study. this made my ra *really* mad. i asked what i should do instead then. she said i should have ignored it (because the sister is autistic) and left to go to the library. i said "ok". i genuinely can't tell if i was the asshole. at the time i didn't think anything was wrong with politely asking if they could be a bit quieter. but maybe i'm just being inconsiderate of those with autism? all i know is my ra is/was really mad at me for what i did.

nta

holy shit, this is so infuriating. you asked in a respectable manner. just because somebody is mentally disabled, doesn't mean everybody else around them is obligated to not be fucking bothered at all. like goddamn dude, if you're going to go off on somebody for being rude to mentally disabled people, do it when it's appropriate. otherwise, you just foster a culture where people can't even express their feelings. anyways, absolutely nta. good on you for asking respectfully. if anything, that girl is the asshole. she has control of the situation, she needs to respect the rules. i'm not saying kick them out because her sister is autistic, but at the very least inform others that there might be a lot of noise and try to be considerate of them.

im autistic and nta autistic people need to be directly told to do something, not giving hints or dancing around the topic. if we are doing something wrong tell us to stop, please.

9mfca2

wibta for not scanning people into my dorm's elevator?

little background: my university has pretty strict keycard-only access to elevators that access dorm wings. only residents of that building can access its dorm wings. you have to scan and then immediately select your floor, and the selection privileges time out after a few seconds. the university mentions that these scanning privileges are for our safety and that it is not safe to scan someone into the private areas of the building. sometimes i go to get in the elevator and there are people loitering outside it. they are clearly waiting for someone to come by so they can hitch a ride up, since they don't have keycard access. maybe they're friends with a resident, or sometimes they're a delivery person. now, i understand it might be a hassle to pull out your keycard if you're juggling a bunch of stuff. if i can tell you're pulling out your keycard to willingly scan, i'll just ask you what floor and scan us up. if i've seen you before and i know you live in the building, i'll scan you up. but if you're loitering outside the elevator waiting for a ride, that's suspicious to me. if you have a friend upstairs, they can come down and get you per university rules. if you desperately need to check on someone you're worried about and is not answering their phone, there is a front desk worker who can escort you to the room. delivery people don't need to enter the private wings, whoever ordered needs to meet them in the lobby. if i refuse to scan someone up the private elevator (which is against university rules, you have to scan yourself up) because they are suspicious (loitering, not wearing backpack, don't have keycard), am i an asshole? i'm trying to put safety first. &#x200b;

nta

nta, it only takes one slip up to let the wrong person get up the elevator. and if the police have to investigate a burglary, and they see you’re the one who let the thief up the elevator on a security camera, you’re going to feel like a genuine asshole. security measures exist for a reason and often are only compromised when people get complacent or lazy.

nta!! i'm an ra in my dorm building and i wish we had scanner access on our elevator (old building with old systems). strange people in our building is scary, there have been too many incidents in the past on other campuses that make me extremely wary of anyone in my dorms that shouldn't be there. i wish you were one of my residents, i appreciate you.

9mfk58

aita for being mad at my sister/assuming she was malicious

i've never gotten along well with my sister. i find her to be a selfish and needlessly reactive/sensitive (she gets mad at me and our mum if she thinks we are being rude even if we are nice, she once called me a c*nt for telling her i liked her top). last time i was home visiting my parents i went looking for some of my belongings to take to my new place. i couldn't find this old chinese perfume bottle that was the only thing i got from my grandfather when he passed away. it was always above my bed at home, and it's very emotionally important to me. when i couldn't find it, i was worried i had lost it in the move or something. i felt awful and mad at myself. then the next day i was looking for some hairbands in the vanity (in my sister's old room) and found the perfume bottle in a drawer, with all the ribbons on it tangled and fraying. i was devastated. the smell of perfume is almost completely gone and it smells like my sister's trashy share house. i messaged her on facebook to ask if she knew where my perfume bottle was and she said she hadn't seen it in years. when i called her out on that she said "i thought it was mine" then i flipped at her, because i remembered that it was still in my room the last time we were both home. at that time, she'd gotten mad at me for asking her to help around the house (at the time me and my mum were working around 8 hours a day and she wasnt working at all, and she would leave all the housework for me and mum to do), and had trashed my whole bedroom as a reaction. i think that's when she took it. i told her she was selfish and careless, and that i'm tired of seeing her upset mum and tired of her upsetting me and being petty. tl;dr- am i the asshole for getting mad at my sister for taking an heirloom with massive sentimental value, and am i the asshole for assuming she took it in order to cause me emotional harm?

nta

nta. she needs a change of behavior, and it's clearly her fault that the perfume went missing. i don't like to say this often about people because they have their reasons, but your sister really does overreact to little things.

nta, i'm sorry you have to deal with such a toxic person. i wish you all the strength and courage to stand for what's yours. best luck!

9mfo0o

wibta for chewing out an employee?

i'm using "chewing out" for lack of a better word. i'm thinking more of a stern talk and recommending discipline from upper management. a little history about this situation. i'm a journeyman electrician and have three apprentices working for me at a current project. being the highest rank at the jobsite, i'm given the responsibility of a foreman here. two out of the three apprentices work well, and are consistently here. other journeymen that have worked with them in the past have good things to say about them, and they've lived up to their reputations. the third apprentice is who is giving me a hard time. before he came here, i had been warned about his tardiness and absenteeism. i don't like to form a bias before seeing someone work, so i didn't take it seriously, however his actions are confirming that warning. he's been tardy several times in the month and a half he's been here with me. to make matters worse, he doesn't always call to let me know. idk if he genuinely forgets, or is taking advantage of my leniency. i don't like to discipline for low level stuff. for example, you're 5 or ten minutes late, i'd mess with you and joke around about being late, but it's usually not a problem. 30 minutes late? give me a heads up and i won't dock you. because of this, i think he may have a false sense of security. prior to this weekend, i had warned him about coming in late and not telling me. he always has some sort of "down on my luck" kind of story (i.e: flat tire, family member i the hospital). i understand, however i still need communication from him. i told him he's had his official verbal warning and next time i'm gonna have to write him up. this weekend broke the straw on the camel's back. friday afternoon i get a call from my supervisor, asking if any of us could work saturday at another job. i say yes, two good guys said yes, and third guy says yes, practically begging for a chance to redeem himself. overtime is a bit of a privilege where i work, and they only ask dependable folks who are ready to work. i step up to bat for this guy, tell my boss he wants to work as well. boss man says it's cool. so i give all the guys the job location and "see yall tomorrow." saturday morning comes one good guy shows, and one good guy calls in. no one wanted to step up and cover his little league coaching spot that day. i say cool, thanks for the heads up. third guy pulls a no call no show on me. i'm upset, and i feel justified in being upset. i try my hardest to vouch for guys who need a chance, but i feel like a dummy when they blow it off. i get through saturday and enjoy the rest of my weekend. this morning, another no call no show for third guy. i call him, no answer. i text him, "hey where you at? everything ok?" he says he's at the er with his wife, she had a bad allergic reaction. trying to understand why he missed saturday, i ask him how long he's been there, and have yet to receive a response. it's been 3 hours now. would it be appropriate to write him up and have a serious talk? or would i be an asshole for it?

nta

nta. if i were one of the two good guys, i would think you're an asshole if you didn't write this guy up.

nta. this guy is always going to be a problem. write him up and start documenting his tardiness. send him written communications detailing dates and times. tardiness can be actionable. so if you document it, you will have no problems if you want to fire him.

9mg1mp

aita for someone else’s misunderstanding?

i was hanging out with a few friends yesterday, shooting the shit, nothing special. we get on the topic of money and i say “yeah i bet you spent 200$ on those glasses, you rockefeller.” laughs, blah blah blah. someone piped up,”i spent 70$ on my glasses.”. in response i call him a fatcat. i receive information later that he was sad because i made fun of his weight. am i the asshole and can i blame r/frugaljerk for this misdemeanor?

nta

ehh, nta they should know fat cat isn't a weight-based insult. sounds like the guy wasn't even that noticeably heavy.

nta, but it’d be good on your part to apologize and clarify. maybe even link him to the use on urban dictionary or something. if he still holds a grudge after that, then that’s not your fault.

9mh86x

aita after leaving a wedding reception

at the last two weddings my wife and i were at, we left before getting to say hi to the couple. at both weddings, we showed up early for the ceremony, waited for them to take photos afterwards, stayed through dinner, stayed through the cake cutting, stayed through the speeches, and stayed through the traditional first dances. then once everyone started dancing, we could see that the couple was still not making their way around to say hi to people. neither of us enjoy dancing, and in both cases we didn't want to pull the couple off of the dance floor just to say hi to them, so after a couple of songs, we left. in both cases we had been there for around 4 hours. i know it's their wedding and they have no obligation to go around and greet people, so i don't think by any means that they're ta, and though we thought we were being polite by not pulling them away from their fun, still wondering are we ta? edit: not sure if this makes a difference, but both weddings were for friends of ours, and both were rather large weddings with maybe 200-something guests in attendance

nta

nta. they probably didn’t even notice. wedding days are a blur and the bride and groom have to do so many things. you saw the ceremony which is really the important part.

nta but personally i would try to at least give a quick congrats to the couple before i left

9mimt2

wibta if i demand my birthday money?

my parents gave me a sum of €150 for my birthday in may. they told me to spend it on the sport i play (gymnastics) to get the right accessories. but i never actually received the money. when i ask them (nicely ofcourse) to put it in my bank account, they either joke about it or redirect the topic. they usually tell me something along the lines of; "well, you'll get it. but we don't know when." it's been over 4 months, and i am in a situation where i could use the money (i went from recreational to competetive). would i be an asshole to ask them firmly to give me the money? if yes, should i then just wait? (sorry if something doesn't make perfect sense, i'm relatively new to english)

nta

i would but sit down and explain to them that if they aren’t able to right now, you do understand. you just want to get a straight answer. nta for just wanting an answer. if you show maturity and understanding, they’ll be cool.

sounds like your mom and dad have some money issues that they don’t want you to worry about. nta for asking. be patient, especially if you really need it. they may get upset though if it’s bothering them. good luck in competition.

9ml9aq

aita for wanting to be in my children’s lives even though i’m not out together very well right and i have a lot of issues with empathy and emotions?

i’ve posted a couple aita, and i was certainly the asshole. so how i have a really personal conundrum. i believe i feel love for my kids. i would truly do everything for them. but i’m not like other parents. i can be selfish and impatient and i don’t mean to be. i’m pretty young and i’m trying to get my life together. made some changes recently. i currently have my children every other weekend for the most part. i look forward to seeing them. i certainly miss them.but i just feel off compared to others. everyone around me says i’m good with them as well as with other children but i don’t feel like i am. my financial situation and my way of thinking really make me feel like i’m incapable of being a good parent. am i forcing the issue? or am i doing the right thing? i also pay child support to my ex which can be a bit expensive and counter productive to my own productivity but i do my best not to complain about it. i do work and i go to school. i’m very intent on improving my situation, but am i hurting the kids in the process? i was given the choice to instead take them every summer and move to california with my parents and try a fresh start over there. would i be the asshole in possibly taking that opportunity to get things situated someone where new?

nta

you are nta for wanting a relationship with your kids. but the kids come first. don't compare yourself to anyone else. do the best you can. give then all of your love. it'll be ok.

you are nta i never feel good enough for my kids. my husband has bi-polar, depression , add, he feels he is a terrible daddy. our kids adore him what matters is the time with them. love is spelled time. be with them, listen to them. just be there and that's what they need. i'd be home at about aome issues as you can and age appropriate. i've been open about dad's issues all along. and how i have no idea how to parent. we all do the best we can and that varies by the day. don't ever mention how you feel about them, but be open about wanting to be a good dad and role model and think you aren't. walking away will make you the asshole. so stick it out, keep trying and just be there for them.

9mnsoo

aita for having sex with a girl who accepted my invitation to my place, enjoyed it and consented but now is saying i took advantage and her consent was not valid?

the girl (x) came to the bars to meet with my friend (n). this was around 11:30 or so. she wanted to smoke a cig with me and i could tell she wanted me because the whole time was touching me and flirting (she claims she was just holding on to me for balance as she was unable to stand on her own and she was not flirting but being friendly like she would with anyone else). so i asked her to come to my place and she agreed so i called an uber and we left around 12 (she thinks it was unusual that we did not say bye to anyone because she came to see n and she would not have left without saying bye. she also says it makes no sense for her to have come out to see n and dance but then leave after half hour, without spending any time with him or stepping foot in the bar.) she claims she didn't remember getting into the uber or the 20 minute ride. i explained to her that she fell asleep in the uber. when we got to my place she was very into me and wanted me and sex quite obviously. the sex was great for both of us. she claims that she doesn't remember starting sex and the next thing she remembered after the cigarette was having sex (so she blacked out for almost 2 hours according to her). but the crazy part is she said she thought she was having sex with n (they have had sexual relations and she thought he had taken her home - we look nothing alike other than we are both persian). she kept calling me n and i kept correcting her with my name but she was insistent to call me by his name and she said she thought n was fucking with her by asking her to call him a different name. but girls mistake guys' names all the time during sex right? she thinks i should have realized that she legitimately thought i was n. n actually called her 2 times during our sex and she is convinced i hit ignore on the calls because she was still barely conscious when he called. when her sister called around 1:30, i tried to convince her not to pick up and keep going, so she assumes i did the same with the other calls she received. she even let me talk to her sister (although she did tell her sister that i was n, and her sister figured out from my voice that i was not him) who agreed to come over to my place too! x started freaking out when she saw a text from n that she left her vape at his place. she says that is when she realized she was not with who she thought she was with. she was freaking out running around my place because she thought she was at n's loft and the layout of my place confused her even more. all of a sudden she was in an immediate hurry to leave to retrieve her vape, even though i offered to buy her a new one! she got very demanding to make sure i called an uber and it was on the way. she also freaked out when she realized we had unprotected sex, even though i told her she was the one that said to take it off!! she left and i didn't hear from her until today - she wanted my help to "fill in blank spots" in her memory. her "evidence" of my wrong doing was: &#x200b; 1. she would not have come out to meet with her friend and dance, and leave 10 minutes later with a stranger without saying bye to anyone. she thinks i saw an opportunity that she was too fucked up to stand on her own, and whisked her away from her friends. she says had i let her say bye, her friends would have stopped it. 2. we had great chemistry before leaving, but she claims it was one sided and she was just hanging on to me to be able to walk and that she was not touching me in a sexual way. she was all over me though!! 3. she was unconscious in the uber (i admitted this to her) and when we first started making love (i tried to explain to her that she was conscious and was very into me and sexual) 4. she thinks her calling me n's name all night should have been a clue to me that she was too trashed to know who she was with or where she was. and the kicker is - she told me she had taken ghb earlier that night. i had no idea! she has taken it twice before and claims it is obvious to others that she is not sober, and i should have known as she can barely keep her eyes open or walk straight. she also told me she is aware of how too much g affects her and is convinced that she was not/barely conscious when the sex started. i care about her so i told her that she shouldn't be taking drugs like that or drinking excessively if it makes her forget who she is with. her response was that she felt safe getting high with n around but that i took her away too quickly for n to intervene. she said it was my responsibility to know she was too fucked up. if she had told me she was to high to have sex, i would not have touched her! when she texted me today and told me she cried on the uber home and has cried all weekend. i feel so sorry that she feels this way! but, it is her mistake for taking this drug! btw, she did admit that she made a mistake and put herself in a bad situation, but still claims that i did something wrong. i am not a mind reader! i told her over and over that i would never have sex with someone without their consent. according to her i did not have her consent because she did not consent while she was sober. this is bullshit because she most definitely enjoyed the sex and never said no.

yta

“n called her 2 times during our sex and she was barely conscious” that says enough to me, you knew she wasn’t very aware and you said it yourself more times than this. yta

i think you're in the wrong here. if she wasn't completely aware/conscious the entire time you both were together, and she legitimately thought you were someone else, you shouldn't have had sex. yta.

9mpsqt

aita for asking to not split the check evenly?

i had $14 worth of stuff and the check was just shy of $100 between the 3 of us (me,friend and his gf). when it came she said just out cards in and we'll have them split it 3 ways. i objected because i only had $14 worth of stuff. she didn't put up too much of a fight but gave me a nasty look and said something to my friend later he told me. aita?

nta

nta. the gf is for sure and you friend is a little as well for letting her try to do that.

nta. i hate when people try that shit. don't expect me to pay 1/3rd of the bill when i only generated 1/6th of it.

9mrz4w

aita for wanting my college roommate to turn off his lights at night?

my college roommate has these neon string rings on his wall of our room. he's had them up since before i moved it. he insists that they be on at night even though our room is pretty small and they illuminate the whole room. i told him that i can't sleep with them on and i want them to be off by 9pm. i only sleep on campus from monday night to thursday night, so he can have them on all he wants from friday-sunday. he won't turn them off at all, claiming "that's sort of the point. i thought i was getting my own room. if you don't like them, find another room". it wouldn't bother me so much if he was willing to compromise at all, but he's just not willing to give up any ground. am i wrong?

nta

nta i would probably talk to your ra

nta. you factually sleep worse with light in the room.

9muvqu

aita for being mad at my dad for outing me?

i'm a lesbian, and my immediate family is nothing but supportive. i'm very grateful for that. my extended family, however, is fairly iffy as they are ardent trump supporters living in the deep south. my dad informed me yesterday that he told the entire family on that side that i was a lesbian, and that they were supportive. i'm irritated because i didn't want him to tell them - if i had wanted them to know, i would have told them on my own volition. however, i don't think my dad had malicious intentions in any of that, and that's what he told me. should i be angry that he outed me in the best of heart?

nta

nta. you have every right to be angry. outing someone against their will is fucked up, regardless of intention. that being said, i wouldn't be too harsh on him, as i agree he probably didn't do it to hurt you.

nta - if someone outs you, that's kinda fucked up. you're supposed to control when, where and who you tell.

9mvjh7

aita for going out with a friend group i actually enjoy instead of friends i used to hang out with?

so, i'm a high school student and we had a few free hours before school started due to a testing schedule. i have one group of friends (we'll call them group a) that i've been around for a while, but we've been drifting and i don't really share common interests with them anymore. i have another group (group b) that i get along with much better and enjoy myself around. &#x200b; now, as a high school senior college app season is in full swing and i don't have as much time during breaks/lunch to spend time with group a since i'm scurrying around campus asking for recommendations from teachers and hosting school club meetings. however, when i go back to drop by, they act as if i've deliberately been neglecting them when it's not the case at all. in my first few years of high school, i spent more time around them since there was no rush about college apps and we messed around talking about video games and such. also, a friend in group a has been involved in this on/off "relationship" that i've tried to respect maturely, but it goes so far overboard that i'm starting to lose my nerve a bit. i do my best to respect this guy, but him shoving his relationship in my face all the time is getting old. &#x200b; on the other hand, i've been playing less and less as my schedule has become busier and i simply have very little to talk about anymore with them. i would rather spend time with group b, where i feel more comfortable and i'm able to not have to force myself to be engaged. i've been around these people more often since i feel like i don't need to repress what i want to say and i'm interested in what they have to say as well. i honestly enjoy myself more often around group b than group a. &#x200b; so, a friend from group a mentioned, "oh, you're coming with us to \_\_\_\_ place tomorrow right," and i wasn't sure how to react in the moment since i didn't like the restaurant they mentioned, and i wasn't terribly interested in going along with them. so, i remained neutral and didn't give a definite answer. later that day, group b invited me to another place for the next day, and i, with quite a bit of hesitation, decided to go with them. &#x200b; now, i enjoyed the time i spent with group b and had a proper breakfast, but group a is now accusing me of ditching them again, when the truth is that 1) i didn't like the food they offered and 2) i'm mostly uncomfortable and have to hold myself back around them. am i the asshole here? &#x200b; &#x200b;

nta

nta. be around people who lift you up and make you feel good! plus, and im sorry to say this, you wont see 97% of kids you went to high school with a few years after graduation. hang on to people you like!

pretty much what everyone else on such posts would say. you're nta. just be you. you don't lime them, don't go and let them guilt trip you yo. i made the wrong decision of hanging with a bunch of jerks back in secondary school (singaporean here), regretted it, and moved on to get much better friends after graduation.

9mvkia

aita for telling a girl that i was gonna ask another girl before her to homecoming?

i'm in highschool and i've never been to a dance. i asked a girl who i'm pretty good friends with if she was going but she said that another guy was going to ask her. i went and talked to this other girl who i didn't even think about asking until after this conversation but i basically told her i was thinking about asking this other girl. then i realized that i actually did like her and would rather go with her instead, but she seems rather angry at me for her being my "second choice." i really do like her even more than the other girl, i just hadn't talked to her in a while, and that was why asking her never crossed my mind.

nta

why did you tell her that? seriously. nta, per se, but an idiot move.

nta but i definitely agree with many other people who commented that you probably shouldn't have shared that info with her but you did. lol if you really like her and want to go with her, be a gentleman and apologize to her face, not in a text message. i get it's not really your generations thing to do but maybe she'll forgive you and go if she can see in your face you're truly sorry. good luck.

9mw228

aita for calling 911 on a friend for drunk driving?

i’ve officially been booted from my social circle and flamed by all my friends. we are all military families with young children and we have get togethers every weekend which includes booze. one of my friends will drive home, with her 4 month old in tow, drunk. she insists her house is too close to uber and refuses rides from the rest of us. her husband is trashed too. granted, she only lives 15 minutes away, but that’s 15 minutes after shots and beer pong, sometimes stumbling and throwing up. last friday, she was almost blackout drunk. she tried to bring my dog home instead of her own kid. her husband loaded their baby up and they were slurring as they drove away. i insisted they stay overnight but apparently their baby can’t sleep anywhere but her own crib. i offered to drive and they kept saying no. my husband thinks it’s not a big deal and all my friends kept telling me to chill, their house is so close by. i picked up the phone and called 911 after sneaking into the bathroom. i gave them their license plate number and address. apparently they blew really high bac and child protective services are now involved. my friends are all livid with me and even my husband is pissed. no one wants anything to do with us and my husband keeps trying to explain to me that i violated friend code in the military community. i have been blocked by everyone on social media and we are furthermore uninvited to future get togethers. my husband is so mad! i truly stand by what i did. am i really the asshole here?! everyone is so mad at me, am i just being a prude?! help please ** an update on my personal life- we’re being interviewed by military police. the higher ranking people in my husband’s chain of command are really thankful that the report was made. the lower ranking ones (my husband’s peers) are pretty livid and any thanksgiving or christmas plans made with my family have been taken back. we’re going to have to get used to outcast life for a while since we’ll live here for at least another year. my husband has calmed down but he has barely spoken to me and has been sleeping on the couch. i’ve deleted all my social media accounts for now just because i’m tired of being in the middle of this. i think i’m going to take a small vacation and stay with my parents in another state, until i can get my head on straight. **update 2:** to answer some of the questions people had about why i didn’t try harder. i couldn’t be around to collect their keys. i finished my shift and come home around 11pm (i work at a restaurant) and i just wanted to shower. everyone had already been partying for hours by now. the baby started to cry and the couple insisted they needed to go. i offered to get them an uber or they could have the pull out couch or even our bed. i tried to get an uber through the app but my husband told me i needed to stop nagging and leave them alone. it’s not easy trying to convince a drunk person to stay if they insist on leaving. no it didn’t occur to me to slash their tires or break their car battery. i don’t know anything about calling their command. my husband is a first year in the military and graduated boot camp earlier this year. i’m not trying to exaggerate how drunk they were, when i tried to get them to stay i could hardly make out what they were trying to say besides “she needs her crib” and “our house is right there!” to answer how they knew it was me, this isn’t the first time i’ve tried to keep people from leaving a party before. there is a group text everyone is in and they asked me straight up if i made the call. i said i did. i didn’t want to lie about it.

nta

1000000000% nta, what the fuck is wrong with them? 15 minutes is far as fuck when drunk. there is an infant involved. jesus christ, uber isn't that expensive, neither is your drunken pride that you can endanger other people with your stupid fucking decisions. i would not host a single other event at your place if you remain friends and would seriously consider keeping them as friends. the only thing i could see here is that i would have told them, "i'm calling the cops if you leave. you're drunk and you have a baby with you. i'm deadly serious" so that when they get pulled over, they know they fucked up. also consider that "shots and throwing up" sounds normal to some, but that's alcohol abuse for sure.

former marine here. you're nta and there's no "code" in the service that says you should cover for someone who's endangering the life of an infant, much less the innocent people on the road. the code your husband is talking about is young, dumb idiots mutually refusing to watch out for each other because it's too much trouble. hopefully your husband will finish growing up before you guys have kids of your own. also, a 15 minute drive is a long way to drive drunk.

9mxpfc

aita for not letting a pregnant lady on the train first (who was not visibly in distress or pregnant)?

awaiting the commuter train; the train door stops in front of me (commuter knowledge means i know roughly were it stops) so i step forward onto the train and turn around to find some women's friend who was standing next to me on the platform is screaming at me saying 'excuse me she's pregnant!' as if i'd done something shocking. i just said 'oh' and found a seat as normal (there were plenty of seats available). aita?

nta

nta. my wife is currently preggo with twins and is nearing the end of the third trimester. anyone who sees her immediately thinks "omg, that poor woman". she gets offered seats, which she gratefully takes out of necessity. it's pretty obvious when a pregnant woman needs a seat, and if you can't notice it, she probably need the special treatment yet.

that’s not always the case though. i felt much worse in my first trimester than i did in my third. constant nausea and being sick meant i had zero energy and just standing was exhausting. don’t get me wrong, op is clearly nta here and the friend needs to calm down

9mya95

aita for not buying my brother fortnite skins

so recently i got employed and got a visa card which allows me to make online purchases. 30 minutes ago the “skull trooper” skin in fortnite came out and he wants it. he has none of his own money and doesn’t want to ask his parents- so he is trying to guilt me into buying it for him. i said no, and i think i pissed him off. aita for wanting to save money i earnt?

nta

nta. you *could* be the asshole if he actually offered you the money in cash, but he didn't even do that. maybe offer that as an option if you want to smooth it over with him. even if he's being irrational, it could be that he just doesn't really understand how money works. so this could be a teachable moment as a big bro

nta you are doing him a favor

9n0mpx

aita for being upset with my girlfriend?

throwaway account, because she knows my reddit. &#x200b; so last night, me and my girlfriend are sitting on the couch watching some t.v, and when the commercials come on she jumps me and starts making out with me, trying to initiate sex. now, right now she has a u.t.i, and she is on her period so i said i didn't want to. she immediately gets really upset and says "fine, we'll just fucking go to bed then" and shuts off the t.v i was watching and goes to bed. i shrug it off, a bit annoyed and begrudgingly go to bed. &#x200b; i'm laying there, and about 20 minutes after falling asleep she shakes me awake and asks me "am i still pretty?" to which i say that obviously, yes you are. then she says "well 6 months ago i weighed 110, now i'm 120..i'm fat" and i get a little annoyed and admittedly, in a bit of a tone i said "are you going to ignore anything i say to try and make you feel better or do you just want to complain?" &#x200b; she then starts crying, and says "maybe if you'd tell me i'm beautiful more i wouldn't feel this way." but i catch her on that bullshit and say "i literally just told you that you looked beautiful last night right before we went to go see a star is born at the theater. stop trying to make this my fault. you got really upset because i didn't want to have sex and now you won't listen to me when i'm trying to comfort you." &#x200b; she just says "i just want you to tell me i'm beautiful everyday." &#x200b; i mean, that's not normal right? i don't feel like i need to do that every. single. day for her to know that i'm still attracted to her.

nta

she sounds quite hormonal and emotional, she could be feeling hormotional due to pmt. is she like this generally or only around her menses? you're nta anyway but she may just need a cuddle and some comfort.

nta. but damn dude. chill. uti's can make people act differently.

9n1ig6

aita for not treating a veteran any differently?

i was selling an item on the facebook market place. when i get this message, is this item still available and thanks in advance for helping a veteran. looking into his profile pictures it is evident they're a veteran. however, it immediately rubbed me the wrong way that they expect some kind of special treatment/discount when it comes to purchasing an item on the fb marketplace. i was immediately put off and didn't even want to reply. does that make me an asshole?

nta

nta not at all. sort of takes the honor out of doing something when you constantly expect special treatment because of it, right? this is a passive way of saying "give me a deal because i served the country, i'm special" and honestly i wouldn't acknowledge he ever said it if you choose to sell him the item.

nta, my dad is a veteran and he says that anyone that uses "i'm a vet" as an excuse is an ass

9n1jq4

wibta if i punish my mother for embarrassing me in public?

20m. i just returned from a solo backpacking trip, and because my flight came in at midnight, my mother offered to pick me up at the airport (although i could easily get a cab myself). that woman, however, has the bad habits of 1) being inappropriately loud (typical among chinese) and 2) calling me baby names, which i've tolerated for far too long. and the worst of both these traits happened tonight when she started screaming my nickname across the arrival hall when i didn't see her right away. every fucking head in the airport turned to stare at us. her excuse was that she couldn't call me, because my phone's battery was dead. but i already warned her of that, so that it's not my problem. so now i'm thinking of a way to punish her. so far, giving her the cold shoulder seems to have dealt a psychological blow, but that isn't nearly enough. maybe i'll pour boiling water on her while she sleeps. maybe she'll show up at work one day and find her important documents mysteriously disappeared. this is rather extreme, i know, but that woman deserves no mercy both for this incident, and for many others which have so far gone unpunished.

yta

yta... > maybe i'll pour boiling water on her while she sleeps. wtf this could literally kill her. you're taking this to an ultra extreme. she's your mom, she's gonna be embarrassing, especially to a 20 year old. deal with it, that's life. &#x200b;

yta. have fun in jail.

9n2fso

aita for driving behind a car at night and flashing my brights until they moved to the right lane

i was driving on the interstate where the speed limit is 70mph. i usually go in the left lane around 80 and move if people are trying to pass me. last night it was pretty dark and there was a car going 65ish that would not move out of the left lane. i could have gone around but instead i rode up very close behind them and when that didnt work i flashed my lights until they moved over to the right lane. the person driving flipped me off and i called him an asshole but aita?

yta

i can think of several circumstances in which a person might reasonably choose the left lane while going under the speed limit. how were the road conditions? snowy or icy? usually one side of the road will be plowed or sanded better and i wouldn't blame a person for sticking to the safer side. was this a rural area? sometimes i'll keep toward the middle if i'm in an area where wildlife frequently dart out into the road, as it provides more reaction time to break or whatever. in any case, yta. riding their tail is dangerous and totally fucking uncalled for. hogging the passing lane is irksome, but what you did was reckless and threatening. you *know* it's physically threatening, that's why you did it. you could have just flashed your lights or honked, but you chose to threaten their safety too. what if something darted out in front of them or there was an obstacle and they needed to brake quick? then you'd be 100% liable for the accident and any injuries or deaths would be your fault. all that over a few mph. simmer down.

yta, because aggressive driving practices get people killed. you yourself said that you could've gone around him, but instead you chose to ride his tail, a mindnumblingly stupid decision that easily could've led to a horrible car accident if he'd had to slam on his brakes.

9n2kry

aita for leacing a broken religion?

all my life i grew up in a heavily centralized christian religion. it's leaders set strict rules and guidelines about how to live, with very little variation. i even served a mission for them for two years. while out there in the real world, trying to convert others, many told me tons of things about my church that i either didn't know or was taught answers to so i wouldn't think about it too much. some topics were that our church has a history with racism, polygamy, and denial of rights to gays. after this mission i got fed up. in today's information age, new facts about the history of the church have resurfaced that members never knew. for one, blacks were once accepted by the founder, but the leader that followed him instituted racist policies. it wasn't until the 70's that those policies went away. all members believe devoutly that the leaders are the mouthpiece of god. though nobody says they are perfect, they are the ones who reveal god's will. seeing this info, i said to many that this must be wrong, and the church isn't true. immediately the flood came. tons of people message me, tell me that i'm wrong, and defend all these things. most do it in an aggressive and unapologetic way. my girlfriend is also a member and her family starts questioning her if she is losing her faith. when they ask me, i tell them my opinion. i tell them it's all wrong, and i won't live in a church like that. i bring up this research and flat out say it's all a lie. many just stopped replying to me, or show me pity for losing my faith. it was too much, and i took the statement off my social media. i feel like i'm offending these people for sticking to my gut and not backing down. i know they're trying to bring me back, but i won't let up. i tell them my issues, and of course i'm heated. but they keep trying to be loving, making me feel like i'm this angry nutcase ranting at the street corner. am i the jerk for telling them how wrong the church is? if so, what should i do instead? i hate confrontation and have had more people want to have one on one talks with me, and i don't want to get heated and yell at them. tl;dr i left my childhood church and every friend that ask me why get my honest opinion and i feel like i hurt their feelings.

nta

nta. i don't think anyone's ever an asshole for leaving an organization (of any kind) with which they do not align with core values/beliefs. it's better for everyone if they just leave, and you're fully within your rights to be outspoken about the problems that pushed you to make your decision. however, if you feel that there is no fruit to be found in putting up public statements, don't. personally, i have deep religious convictions but don't publicly go on about them unless directly asked, and even then, i avoid doing it online. social media is a poor platform for emotional speeches.

nta. i have attended several different churches (presbyterian, mormon, non-denominational, in-home bible study/worship to name a few) and left after discovering stark moral differences or blatant hypocrisy. i tried to leave on good terms, however i lost all but one friend out of dozens. the members of the church are comfortable and confident in their beliefs. it is uncomfortable, and possibly scary, for these people to entertain ideas that conflict with their own because they are immersed in a community of like-minded individuals - and going against the herd often means backlash. they do not want to be ostracized and potentially lose their comfortable position within their religious community. so, they do what feels safe, what feels normal, what feels comfortable - they reject new ideas. it does not matter if what you've said is the truth or if your viewpoint could potentially be valuable to the community because they are not willing to think critically about the topic. the people who are asking you questions are not asking with the intention to listen or understand - they are hoping to successfully refute your claims and "bring you back to [their version] of god". unless the specific person you are speaking with does not have this ulterior motive, your thoughts are not going to be respected.

9n2rvb

aita for cutting off a driver i was passing to avoid a head-on collision?

tl;dr this [gif](https://i.imgur.com/vprimvi.gifv) where i am the blue rectangle. i was driving home on a 55mph two-lane road going 60mph. i usually go 5 over because if you don't around here then you will usually get tailgated. the road i was driving on had a dashed yellow line which indicates that if it is safe you are allowed to drive in the oncoming lane to pass vehicles going slowly. i was coming up on a group of two vehicles going approximately 45mph, or 10 under the speed limit. i saw that there were no cars in the oncoming lane and although there was a curve ahead there was plenty of space between the two cars i was trying to pass so i figured i could pass one, get past the curve, then pass the other. i turned on my turn signal to indicate i was going to pass and moved into the oncoming lane. as i got into the oncoming lane i heard the car i was trying to pass's engine rev up and noticed they were increasing in speed. then i notice a vehicle coming around the corner in the oncoming lane while the gap i was trying to get in is closing. i increased my speed to 65 and turned on my turn signal so i could get into the now-closing gap before it was too late. i managed to get in the gap leaving 1 car length ahead of me with the car i passed now only a few feet behind me, laying on his horn and blaring his high-beams at me as we both slowed down to 45 to match the truck in front of us. i know i could have braked and got behind the car that i was trying to pass when i realized he was trying to close the gap, but by the time i realized he was trying to do that i was already 75% into the passing maneuver. i [made a gif](https://i.imgur.com/vprimvi.gifv) depicting what happened. it's done in paint and i don't have any animating experience so it's not the best but if you're confused by my description the gif should clear it up. i am the blue rectangle. so, am i the asshole?

yta

yta. if you'd just been a bit more patient and either driven behind the guy or waited until after the bend to pass, you'd have been fine. but by being so impatient, you endangered the oncoming traffic and put others at risk. what would have only cut 5 minutes max. off of your journey could have potentially killed someone. he's also an arsehole for speeding up. but you both put the innocent oncoming traffic most at risk.

nta. if you are going 10 miles under the speed limit only to try and speed up to prevent people from passing you yta.

9n43xt

aita for not wanting to keep driving my friend and her boyfriend to lunch everyday?

context: me, a friend ("john"), another friend ("jane"), and jane's boyfriend ("bobby") all go to lunch together almost every day. all of us except for bobby work in two buildings that share a parking lot. our offices are about 6 miles away from bobby's, and bobby's office is another 5 miles away from the cafe we usually have lunch at. john and i are co-workers while jane works at the next building. almost every single day without fail, jane always messages me asking what our \[mine and john's\] plans are for lunch. i would usually respond with, "we're planning to go to the cafe as usual." jane would then take that as an invite and say, "oh, okay! i'll tell bobby." i drive most of the time because it's usually me who wants to go to the cafe. i'd say 80% of the time i drive, 15% of the time john does, and 5% of the time jane does. i don't really mind driving john and jane because it's not like i'm going out of my way to do so as we all have a shared parking lot, but it is such an inconvenience to have to exit the highway just to pickup bobby. not to mention the fact that i didn't even invite them for lunch to begin with! picking bobby up and dropping him off shaves a good 15-20 minutes from our 1-hour lunch. (if we don't have to pickup bobby, the travel time from our office to the cafe is 10 minutes.) now, i suppose this is the asshole-y part: i was talking to another friend when the subject somehow got brought up about how john, jane, bobby, and i always have lunch together. out of exasperation, i blurted out, "yeah, it's getting really tiring having to pick him up and drop him off on a daily basis. he's not even my boyfriend." i said that implying that if i were in jane's shoes and i'd *constantly* want to have lunch with my boyfriend, then i should be the one to drive and not expect it from somebody else. after a week has passed since my conversation with anne, it was radio silence from jane. i guess anne mentioned my moment of frustration to her. another week passed and still nothing. i did say to her \[jane\] once, "why can't bobby just meet us there?" he's closer to the cafe than we are, and we won't have to exit the highway and spend more time traveling than we have to. she snapped at me and said, "why? he's on the way!" i dropped it. in addition, whenever i would choose to stay in the office for lunch, jane would coincidentally choose to stay in as well (because she doesn't want to drive) and make bobby drive to her office. i figured, if she can't be bothered to drive to see her boyfriend everyday, why is that expected of me? in hindsight, yes, i probably should've been honest with jane about how i felt, but she has a history not reacting quite well whenever the tiniest bit of negativity befalls her significant other. i honestly believe that even if she heard it from me (in a more thoughtout way, of course), she'd still be acting the same way. i'm not being an asshole by not wanting to keep chauffeuring them around, am i? or am i just plain impatient? &#x200b; \*

nta

nta. you should have been upfront with jane, or just refused to pick up bobby. but jane is the asshole and so is anne!

nta. you did tell her that the bf should meet you there. unloading on anne should have stayed with anne. now you can go with " i don't want to drive anymore" if they ever talk to you again.

9n4fl2

aita smoking weed in public

aita hi guys, i have a little dilemma. i like to smoke weed, however my landlord will evict me if i smoke at my place. so, my solution to this has been to smoke weed in public. i will usually roll up a joint and go walk around on the sidewalks smoking. the problem with this is that i live in a very quiet suburb, and there no secluded places within reasonable walking distance. whenever i am smoking on the sidewalk houses are so close that i feel like i am smoking on their front porch. there is a park nearby and i usually do most of my smoking there, but it is still very close to people's houses. i smoke almost every day, so i get paranoid about people recognizing me too. i'm in the us and it's legal in my state, however i am under the age. am i an asshole for smoking joints on the sidewalk in a quiet suburb? it seems like it's a very family oriented place and i feel out of place at least.

yta

yta. marijuana smoke is overwhelmingly awful to a lot of people. it gives me an instant migraine. i detest when people smoke in public. are mj edibles an option for you? that seems win-win, and it's better for your lungs.

yta. smoking in public is always an asshole move in my opinion. youre underage, but that doesnt make you an asshole for smoking it. it just means i can encourage you to wait till youre older. that stuff will mess with your development if you smoke it too young. but if youre gonna do it anyways, find a forest or somewhere secluded to smoke. it might be inconvinient, but you arent supposed to have it anyways so secluded is your friend.

9n4rbv

aita for thinking this short film got famous because it's about gay people?

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rekk9scrn0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rekk9scrn0) this film blew up on youtube. you've probably seen it. i believe it was featured on kimmel. while it is a sweet film and well animated, there are tons of well animated films out there that don't get as much attention. this film(i believe) was one of the most viewed videos on youtube in 2017(#9). i kind of feel like the creators made it about two gay people because they knew it would be marketable. many media outlets were saying it was brave of them to publish a video about a gay relationship at the time. i honestly don't see that. being gay has been accepted in many circles, and is considered morally right by most of the youtube userbase i feel(which consists of mostly young people). &#x200b;

yta

yta. have you heard about media representation? it is a very large deal to people who arent straight white males. when people see themselves represented in media it helps form a sense of belonging and strengthens their identity. thats why teen stories are well recieved, because teens and people who remember their teens are able to relate and feel validated by the experience. gays have not been accepted in many circles, it is certainly better than it was even in the early 2000s but there is still a long way to go. it has only been a few years since gay marriage was legalized in the united states. so a story that shows an innocent romance between two young boys and doesnt revolve around the "drama" of if gays fit into society, is a novel concept. and one that young and old homosexuals (or anyone whos ever had a crush!) will be able to experience and identify with. im curious how old you are because i think you could benefit from seeing things outside of your own perspective.

yta for assuming that marketing was the only reason it featured gay people. student films tend to be labors of love, and there’s always going to be some favored over others for reasons beyond ‘it looks good’. that reason is usually the message behind it. some of the gobelins animations get passed around social media when they get posted, and it’s often based on the underlying message instead of *just* the animation quality. (always stellar, btw, you should check out their youtube page if you like student films.) calarts and ringling are the same way. hell, that’s exactly what hollywood and the indie film festival scene can be like sometimes—sure it *looks* good, but what does it *mean*? sometimes looking good is enough. and sometimes people get really into a message. this is one where people got really into the message (because it’s still very hard to find cartoons featuring gay kids, so yeah, that’s brave.) you’re right about why it blew up, you’re just being needlessly cynical about the motive behind it.

9n5thj

aita for tipping based on subtotal and not full total?

whenever i go out to eat, i tip based on the subtotal, so let's say my food was $20, tax is $5 (in this scenario) would i be the asshole if i tipped off $20 and not $25?

nta

nta, at least you're tipping. as someone who works as a server receiving tips, something is always better than nothing. but i mean, if you can afford it, tipping on the full amount is cool.

maybe i've been tipping incorrectly my whole life, but i always give 20%+ as a tip on the bill pre-tax. bill is $55 after a 10% tax? i tip $10, not $11. i've always been told you aren't supposed to tip on the tax, so nta.

9n696x

aita for "joking" about alzheimer's

with in my group of friends we often say asshole things to each other. jokingly and all in good fun. this is know by everyone. in class we were doing a project on ancestry. the girl presenting was in our group of friends. she said "my grandfather has alzheimer's". i, being the idiot i am, said to her (after her presentation she came and sat back down at our table) "what's alzheimer's, i forgot?". i said it on a serious way and was not making a joke at all. this resulted in me getting a slap in the face and she started crying. had to talk my way out of detention. her close friends have stopped talking to me and they all refuse to believe it was an accident. aita? tldr: seriously asked "what's alzheimer's i forgot", am being shunned.

nta

nta. honest mistake.

fuck man even if it isn’t a joke i find it hilarious and my grandmother has it, so you can’t be a bigger asshole than me. nta

9n95iu

aita for changing my bully’s passcode?

today i was sitting in class when i saw the guy who has bullied me for the past 2 years type his passcode in. it was 123450 so i could easily remember it. when he was gone i changed it and now he is crying. i can’t help but feel bad for him but i know if i tell him what his new passcode is i’ll get beat up. i’m not sure what to do.

yta

yta. being bullied doesn’t justify being a bully.

yta for sinking to his level. you went from "this person does shit to me for nothing i did" to "this person has a legitimate beef against me". i get the impulse, i do. i've been bullied too. you're not an asshole for wanting to do it. but acting on it makes you an asshole.

9na1lq

aita : asking someone to turn down their music

this just happened and is the first time i've encountered anything like this. i am in college and was sitting in a semi-public space (in an academic building surrounded by classrooms, but not quite a library), when another guy sat down and put in his headphones. i have no problem with people listening to music, of course, but i could hear his music clearly and i was sitting easily 20ft away. so, after about a minute, i walked over to him and asked him to turn his music down, as i was studying and found it hard to concentrate. he turned down his music without a word and i thanked him. then, as i was walking back to my desk, a dude sitting on the other side of the room called out, "he is using headphones, bro! how else is he going to listen to his music?" i was fairly taken aback by this and thought the guy was kidding, so i just sorta chuckled. but then the guy said "no i'm serious bro, if it bothers you that much go study someplace else!" i just sat down with a word and went back to studying. this was really weird for me. it's a social norm to not play your music loud enough for other people to hear, right? or am i the asshole for asking this guy to turn down his music?

nta

nta the other guy was though. if guy 1 turned down the music without argument then guy 2 should have never said anything.

nta. perfectly reasonable to ask someone to turn their music down in an academic environment.

9naoqc

aita for cutting contact with a friend over her politics?

we’ve been close friends for almost 20 years. she’s always been a bit conservative and religious, while i was more center-left and secular. we don’t discuss politics or religion often, but when it’s happened we’ve always managed to do it calmly, with an open mind and respect for one another. we live a long distance apart from one another now, and only meet in person once a year or so. she’s an absolute lion of a mother: there is no end she won’t go to for her kids. after the election she took a real hard victory lap, not aimed at me specifically, but very clearly happy with how heartbroken everyone who opposed trump was, and that liberals were going to get their just desserts. it’s a side of her i hadn’t seen before. a week or so after news broke about trump’s policy of separating immigrant families, she posted a video to one of her social media feeds. it featured a conservative youtube personality arguing in favor of family separation. there were a few semi-reasonable points, but the argument was made in the most dick-headed imaginable way: mocking voices of frightened children (boo-hoo, where’s my mommy, i miss her!) and literally laughing at the idea of parents inconsolable with no idea where their kids are. she posted the video with the comment that she loves every word the guy speaks and couldn’t agree with him more. i wrote her an email asking how she could possibly be entertained by this, even if she agreed with its merits in terms of her goals on immigration, and she responded to the tune of “whatever, you have your views, i have mine.” we didn’t talk for a long time after that. she recently reached out again, asking if i’d be back in town for a mutual friend’s wedding and generally acting like this never happened. i haven’t responded. i just don’t feel like i know who she is anymore. as a mom, she knows exactly how awful it would feel to be separated from a child. if she viewed the policy as tragic yet necessary, i could understand. but i just don’t see how you can take the attitude of “ha-ha, fuck your pain, you deserve it” with children. what’s more, my wife is an immigrant, and her legal status (which we thought was a done deal) has come under additional review since the new administration began. it’s a very personal issue for us, and the whole thing has left my wife horrified and not interested in maintaining the friendship on her end. aita if i just don’t respond and let the friendship slip?

nta

nta. people drift for multiple reasons. dont fake a friendship with someone you kinda cant stand.

nta. while i'm a firm believer that echo chambers are bad and you should try to learn from the views of others she was being a total asshole by mocking people, being dismissive of your feelings on the matter, etc. you are absolutely allowed to dissolve a friendship for any reason and this isn't about a difference in political leanings/beliefs, it's about her being an ass about it.

9ndzj8

aita for avoiding my girlfriend when she has the flu.

the title basically says it. she got sick a few days ago and stayed home today. shes slept basically 14 hours a day and has done nothing except rest. she wants to come spend the night, i told her i'd rather not due to next week being a big week with midterms and also giving a lecture. point is i cant afford to lose multiple days to a sickness. i've been sick and drastically noticed a drop in productivity and an ability to study. it's an issue when tests in a few days are worth 33% of my grade for 3 classes. she's upset i wont come cuddle with her or kiss her, though i dont think it's worth the risk.

nta

nta, but i think it's only natural for her to complain a little. if i said no to taking care of a sick so, i'd want them to be a little upset tbh lol

nta. but you might win back some brownie points if you dropped off some chicken soup and flowers on her doorstep and texted her about them after you left.

9nebxh

wibta if i potentially got a friend's shop closed.

a little context. i bought the coffee shop i worked at a year ago. things have been going pretty well. i'm loving what i do. i have a friend that has always wanted to go into the coffee industry with me. i've never wanted to because i know how irresponsible and undependable he can be. a few weeks ago he opened his own "shop" somewhat out of the blue about a block away from my shop. i went to check it out and say congratulations. when i started noticing it didn't really seem legit. i found out he doesn't have the appropriate licensing, he hasn't been inspected by the health department because they don't know he exists. he has let dogs into his shop. his customer base are mostly his friends. his friends were my customers and i've seen a dip in sales. he has "bought" my cups to use in his shop telling my employees i said it was fine. i don't think i'm actually going to but if i reported him would i be the asshole?

nta

nope..he’s running an unlicensed, illegal business. nta.

nta. you can report that to the health department anonymously. i would do it before his unlicensed and thus uninsured business gets sued by someone when they get bit by a dog or find mouse droppings on their pastry plate.

9nfb03

aita for calling out our school psychologist for being discriminatory against students

i work in a small elementary school as an english teacher. most of my colleagues are very conservative, but i didn't really mind their political views. however, recently we had a small meeting discussing some students, and the principal mentioned a male student (13) in regards to his way of speaking. i didn't immediately understand what the problem was. i knew the student and i didn't notice anything wrong with him. the school psychologist then said that he already talked to him (the student) about it and will keep track of further development of the situation. since i still didn't know what the deal was, i asked. the principal then told me that his way of speaking was too "feminine". i was shocked. the psychologist then said that he'll "cure him before it gets out of hand". i called him out in front of everyone and said that he is a disgrace to his profession if he really thinks that way. everyone else looked at me creeped out for defending the students nature. they asked me if i really think gay people are normal. i just said that we shouldn't judge anyone. i am not liberal in the sense of protesting for lgbt rights in the streets or what not, but i think this goes too far. i am now the outcast in school. the principal even thinks i am perverted for "defending gay rights". they associate it with pedophilia and think of me in that sense now. i backed off and let them proceed as they saw fit. i didn't want to deal with that kind of accusations while working with kids.

nta

nta. you did the right thing. is there a county school board or other governing body to which you could report your colleagues' behavior?

absolutely nta and if you work at a public school (assuming us) that psychologist should probably be reported.

9nficc

aita for getting mad that my boyfriend is being reimbursed for something we both paid for and he's trying to keep all the money?

we went to a music festival a few months ago, and my boyfriend had about $200 worth of weed and a pipe confiscated. it threw him off for the whole weekend, and he immediately emailed corporate. they finally got back to him months later, and they said that they were going to credit the account that paid for the tickets (seemingly for the whole amount, based on the email they sent me). i paid for both tickets and our camping passes on my debit card--my boyfriend paid his half via venmo--for a total of around $900. my boyfriend is insisting that he deserves all of the money because of the \~emotional suffering\~ they put him through, and because he was the one who initiated the reimbursement. he also thinks that he's entitled to it because he "would have made that much" if he had been able to sell the weed. i get that he pursued reimbursement, but i find it incredibly selfish that he is profiting off my half of the money that i also put in, which is far more than his belongings were worth. if the roles were reversed, i would split everything fairly, just as we paid for it. his own half would still be more than enough to cover the cost of lost goods. aita for claiming that i have a right to my half that i originally put in?

nta

nta! sounds like you’re dating an asshole. i wouldn’t have much trust in him ever doing the right thing after that...

nta. gtfo. he sounds like a selfish child. get your money then get out.

9nfjqn

aita for pepper spraying an aggressive dog?

so i’m walking my dog in a neighborhood with a variety of dogs. german shepards, pitbulls, chihuahuas, etc there’s this one german shepard that’s always off the leash in the owner’s driveway. me and my pitty usually have no problem walking by him, but today was a different story. i don’t know what set him off , but the german shepard (about 2 times bigger than my dog) charged us full force , teeth showing , in what i presume to be attack mode. my dog is rather shy and she cowers towards me, tail tucked , whimpering and all. i usually carry my mace and a pocket knife for situations like these because this isn’t the first time this has happened. i have a huge soft spot for dogs and i don’t wanna stab the fella so i get my mace and just spray the whole canister on that fucker. he runs back to his driveway and the owner is just pissed the fuck off (understandably) , shouting at me about how her dog is the sweetest in the world and would never hurt anybody. i didn’t report it to animal control because dogs are dogs and no one was bit, but i told her off and let her know that her dog was at fault and that she should really keep him indoors and supervised. i feel kind of guilty but at the same time i can’t help but feel that me or my dog would’ve gotten seriously injured if i hadn’t done what i did. tldr; maced the shit out of a dog who i presumed was about to rip my dog to shreds

nta

nta it won’t kill the dog so no harm no foul

nta. you couldnt know if it was attacking you or not. shit day for the poor dog, but it aint your fault.

9nhp4q

aita for having a bad gaydar?

a better way to ask this: aita for using heteronormative pronouns by default? i was mingling at a professional mixer and talking to a guy. he said he is trying to move across the country next year. i asked, "is it just you? girlfriend?" he replied, "boyfriend," in a gentle way, not being corrective or anything. i played it nonchallant and pretended to not be surprised at learning he was gay. conversation carried on as normal. he didn't seem to mind much, he might be used to correcting people, as he's the polar opposite of flamboyant. but i'm still thinking about it. should i be more careful on this stuff? should i make a conscious effort to say "significant other" when i don't have confirmation on their sexual orientation? for background, i have a chronically awful gaydar. my best friend since 3rd grade came out to me before anyone else when we were 19 and i was absolutely floored. so navigating this stuff with new people has always been especially challenging for me.

nta

nta. if this is something you want to address, you could just say ‘partner’ works for any scenario, including married/unmarried folks.

nta. i'm queer and have bad gaydar. it'd be nice if heteronormativity wasn't the default assumption, but it is, and you didn't do anything wrong. maybe ask "girlfriend? boyfriend?" next time. but don't sweat it.

9nlf65

aita for telling my sister i couldn’t loan her money because i’ve only got so much that has to go towards rent?

my sister asked to borrow $20-$40. no big deal. had to wait until i got paid this morning. check was smaller than i was expecting and i tell her sorry, can’t lend you money. i’ve only got so much and it has to go to my landlord. she says “you could’ve just said no. learn how to lie better and leave me alone” i sent her a screenshot of my available balance, tell her i’m not lying. she says i am lying and calls me a dumb b**** for not leaving her alone. says she’s done with me being a shitty person. i tell her again, i’m telling the truth. she blocks me on social media. am i the asshole here?

nta

nta. not sure how you could be. simple mistake, you showed proof you weren't lying. i can understand why she may have initially thought so, but after seeing proof (which is above and beyond anyway) she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

nta your sister is getting mad at you for not being capable of doing a kind sct for her. this is just r/choosingbeggars

9nlh04

aita for not feeling capable of listening to the details of my mothers childhood abuse?

pretty much what the title says. my mother was abused heavily as a child, this is something i am aware of, i would say i have been aware of it all through out my childhood/adulthood, but i did not have any graphic details (only generals). my mother has started sharing this with me and my sibling, and i find it upsetting. i fully believe that survivors should share their stories, i support survivors, i believe it is important that they be heard (especially in this moment). however, hearing the details, i think because it is my mother, is so difficult for me. i simply do not feel ready to hear them. i fully want to support her (and all survivors of abuse) in any way i can, and i feel that i have lived up to that, but i feel that it is crossing a parent/child boundary, though i have not expressed this to her yet. i am conflicted because i am an adult now (early/mid 20s), but i feel like your mother is always your mother and that the parent/child relationship is supposed to be the one relationship where they look out for you. i understand that she did not have that experience, and i am deeply sorry for that, but does it make it ok to change the terms of our relationship as well? please help, any insight is greatly appreciated! i genuinely want to do the right thing here.

nta

nta or is ok to tell her that hearing the details is difficult and you need time to process what she had already told you. ask that she wait before divulging more. in time you will probably find toy can deal with more information. it is overwhelming to learn about what a parent suffered. make sure to suggest alternative outlets for her.

she should get a therapist. she really shouldn't lay all this on you and your instincts are right on, you are nta. also, she may not be working through it just because she's sharing--trauma has to be processed carefully and systematically, and just dumping details on family doesn't necessarily help. i would recommend she find a trauma counselor to help her through this.

9nlqhx

wibta if i reported my car as stolen after my brother took it?

basically my older brother has my car right now after telling him 100s of times he cant use it. i let him use it a few times because he doesnt have a car anymore but i stopped letting him drive after a while because: he never fills the tank like i ask him too (if you use my car you fill the tank, i make that deal with everyone), his driving style is very aggressive. putting my car in danger and also damages it internally (like going from 25 to 0 1 second in front of a stop sign), he has a previous dui, is a drug addict, often drives high, and he didnt ask to take it. hes taken it a lot without asking before and i could only yell at him when he got back, but i really need my car this afternoon and he isnt responding to my calls. would i be the asshole if i called 911 to report a stolen vehicle?

nta

nta. if he’s driving under influence, you might be saving someone’s life by ending this now.

definetly not the asshole, in the long run you would be doing your brother a favor and he is basically stealing your car so nta

9nm3m3

aita for a comment i made about 9/11?

this happened around 6 years ago. my english was a lot worse than now. so around 6 years ago me and my wife took a trip to new york. we had never been to u.s.a before (we are from serbia) and this was our first time. my english was very limited. anyways we were there for about a week, trying to do all the classic tourist activites (central park, statue of liberty, empire state etc.) and then it was time to visit the 9/11 memorial. we used the underground system rather than taxis to travel. so when we got off at the stop closest to the memorial i was still quite lost and didn't exactly know where to go, downtown manhattan was very confusing to me at the time what with all the tall buildings. so i go up to a middle-aged guy who seemed like a native and thus would be quite knowledgeable and ask him "excuse me do you know where it is that the twin towers blew up?" and he went "i'm sorry?" so i repeated "where the twin towers blow up, can you give me some directions?" and he said that i was being extremely disrespectful by using the word "blow up" and talking so casually about the event and basically gave me like a minute lecture about 9/11 after which he refused to give me directions. i guess now i know asking where the twin towers memorial is would have been better but i didn't know the word 'memorial' or anything, like i said my english was very poor. so was i the asshole for this?

nta

nta. words are hard. words are harder if they're not your native words.

wait, so you knew the words "blew up" but couldn't say "where were the twin towers?" that seems strange. but that aside, language barriers are hard and faux pas happen all the time. nta.

9nnu6q

aita for blocking the text/calls from my former boss?

i'll try to keep this short. i'm a business analyst who just had my last day at work today because i have accept a waaaaaay better position at a new company. the company i just left i was only there for 6 weeks. they were pretty much a mess; data integrity was terrible, reporting terrible, processes non-existent, etc. in the short time of me being there i was able to really turn their stuff around with tracking databases, tableu reports and better data gathering processes. my (ex) boss, well she was quite old and the cause of most of these problems. she was a nice lady don't get me wrong but she printed out her emails (not kidding). so needless to say she never had my back with what i was doing because she didn't understand it. she would make me resend her reports because they "would get lost in her email". she would legit make me write out my pivot tables on a white board so she could take a picture of them. no matter how many times her ridiculousness would come out, i kept my cool and always was respectful. so back to today, my last day. i told the team if they needed anything they could call me. so i'm sitting here playing video games relaxing 2 hours after i leave a *bing*. boss: "hey, where is xxx document?" me: "it's in the shared drive" (we only have 1 drive, with 1 folder assigned to us and i've showed her how to access it about 7 or 8 times). boss: "what shared drive?" me: "the t drive... the only drive we have access to." boss: "how do i access it?" at this point i just can't even anymore and i block her number. so aita? i know i said they could call me with questions but i swear to god i feel like i have to remind her how to breath at this point. i will answer questions from other team members if i get text but i just can't talk to her anymore. she's the reason i decided to take the other job, i just couldn't handle her being the person who tells me what to do when she didn't even know what i did. there are many other reasons why she is the reason i left but i hope i explained it well enough. i feel bad because she is older and i know how time and technology have just beat our elderly but dear god i just can't anymore and i don't work there either.

nta

nta, but if she was otherwise kind and you don’t want to burn a bridge, it wouldn’t hurt to send a “it’ll make more sense going forward to direct your questions to xyz, as i’m no longer with the company.” -style text. but you’re not obligated.

nta. fuck the lot of em. sounds like a tin pot company and you’ve no reason to actually reply to anything like that. personally i wouldn’t have even offered (not because i’m a douche but it’s just not the done thing) and if i had, i would be surprised if someone actually took me up on the offer. shocking lack of professionalism on her part.

9novui

aita for losing a friend?

i am going to try to keep this short because personally i think it is petty, but it has been bothering me. &#x200b; background: i had a pretty tight friend group in high school and we all stayed friends through college across the country and graduated 1.5 years ago. right after graduation everyone moved back home to look for jobs. of our core group of three, one ("z") moved about an hour away and "k" and i stayed in our hometown. &#x200b; situation: a couple of weeks/months ago z called me to say that he was upset that k and i hang out without him and that we went on a weekend trip without inviting him (this is true, we did a "girl's trip with another friend and did not mention it to him, i feel bad about that). i tried telling him that we were not intentionally not including him, it just doesn't make sense logistically for us to for example, invite him to see a movie in 30mins when he lives an hour away. we still all hung out about once a month, just not as much as we used to. &#x200b; after that phone call, he then calls k and tells her that i was being really rude and was mad at him for doing things without me, etc. k relays this to me and i send an apology text on a friday saying that i am sorry if i sounded harsh but lets get past this. z does not respond until monday and just says "it's fine.". &#x200b; weeks later i found out that right after i sent the apology, z sent a screenshot to k and said something along the lines of "smh" (yet did not reply until three days later). also, somewhere along this time, i found out he was talking to other friends (that i do not know) about this and they said he should just drop me because i do not care enough. it has been a couple of weeks now and we have only seen each other once at a mutual friend's party and barely talked. &#x200b; aita for this friendship crumbling?

nta

uhhhh, i’m gonna go nta and z probably needs to get the stick out of his ass lol. idk, i guess you came off as rude when trying to rationalize it logistically or whatever (that usually never helps). but you apologized and they were still annoyed?? feels like he just wants someone to blame for being excluded. i say, if you really wanna keep z in the loop, next hangout or getaway or whatever, plan early so that z can be involved and try to have a fun time, then apologize for not including him sooner in things. i live an hour away from most of my friends, we’ll gladly make the effort to see each other, all logistics aside.

nta in my opinion, it wasn't intentionally done and you apologized

9nptrt

aita for going off on one of my classmates over a game?

it was last year, near the end of the school year when it happened. i finished all my work in class and decided to relax for the last few days in school with my friends. we hopped on and started playing when one of our classmates joined in, he was known for having a extremely problematic anger issue, and i had quarrels with him that either resulted in him attempting to choke me or attack me when no one was looking, so we decided to steer clear from him in the game. i on the other hand kept running into him and kept killing him in-game unintentionally, causing him to get mad and threaten to beat me up, but i ignored it and kept playing. it was near the end of the day and he still kept insulting me, and i wanted to apologize for constantly killing him in game (accidentally), but he blew me off and insulted me in front of my friends and classmates, badmouthing me for stuff i liked (i was a fan of classic games at the time) and i had enough. i blew up and started cursing him out and yelling in his face, calling him a piece of shit and mentioning his failing grades (highest he had was a 24 in every class for every quarter), to everyone in the classroom, telling him to never attack me again or i'd beat him down, and that his mother didn't love him. we both nearly fought if it wasn't for my friends backing us up and having us split apart in the classroom. some of my friends said i wasn't at fault, others think i went too far. it's been in the back of my head for too long and i just want to see what others would think.

nta

nta you just defended yourself but ppl. will not understand that.

nta but you went too far with the your mom doesn’t love you

9npzk3

aita for headkicking my friend?

my friend is well aware that i practice mma. last night we were rewatching the conor/khabib fight and he asked if i wanted to fight with him, i told him the possibility of what could happen from fighting (cuts, bruises, concussions, etc.). after his persistence kept up to taking me in a fight (he’s a member of the national guard, he thinks he’s real tough because of it) he even agreed to let me throw kicks knowing what could possibly happen. as the fight begun i threw a roundhouse kick that knocked him unconscious and gave him a mild concussion. he says we’re cool but i still feel awful for it, we stayed with him in the hospital and took him back home. he continues to reassure that it was okay but i just don’t feel right about it, am i really the asshole?

yta

yta for aiming for his head. you could have forced him to surrender in many other ways, gotten him down lying in an armlock or similar. never go for the lethal strikes if you can win with less, when it’s all good fun.

yta. you kicked your friend in the head and gave him a concussion. that you were showing off only makes it worse

9nqtbs

wibta if i quit my job because i don't want to work during the busiest time of the year due to lack of training (and some discontent towards my job)?

2 months ago i started working at a retail store because i was currently job-hunting and wanted to do something productive with my extra freetime. i didn't know how long i intended to stay at the job and initially planned to put in my 2 weeks should any non-negotiable scheduling conflicts occur with my other pt jobs/responsibilities. it was mentioned in my interview that they expected everyone to work thanksgiving and i had agreed because i thought it'd be fine to work for the extra holiday cash. however, after actually working my shifts, my opinion has now changed. it turns out that for thanksgiving i would not be working my regular duties, but elsewhere in the store. at first i didn't have any problems with this as long as i received training. however, despite asking for said training on more than one occasion, they have yet to schedule me for any. i would learn it on my own if i could but unfortunately these responsibilities require using a machine that needs a special login they have yet to set up for me. i'm going to ask my manager once more about the training, but at this point, i almost just want to quit altogether and not have to worry about it, which is due in part to some discontent i currently feeling towards my job. i don't hate my job (i'm able to learn a lot), and honestly it's bearable if i just endure it. the problem is that it's a job that they can't really train you for and i'm expected to learn as i go. while i've been fortunate enough to have understanding coworkers to help me with my mistakes, working a job where you're expected to cause problems for other people before you finally get it can be stressful at times, especially when dealing with customers. i put in a request to have my hours cut a bit to prevent further burnout but the request was denied, for good reasons. my current position is understaffed and even with me working the maximum hours i'm allowed to work as a pt, sometimes even that's not enough and they have no choice but to just leave my position uncovered occasionally, regardless of how many customers this troubles. wibta if i quit an understaffed job they've been struggling to keep filled during the busiest time of year just because i don't enjoy my job? wibta if i don't want to work during the busiest time of the year because i'm not comfortable with the lack of training i've been given? i don't want to trouble my coworkers because they've been very helpful with me and it's (mostly) not their fault i don't enjoy my job. i would even be willing to work more than 2 weeks if it meant giving them time to find a replacement but i can't see them finding anyone soon. understanding how much of an asshole i would be would allow me to approach the situation more professionally, so i appreciate any insight you can offer me.

nta

nta. its a job. you are not required to live for it.

nta. you owe nothing to an employer. its common to feel empathy for your coworkers but if management is making bad choices and you have other sources of income for love of god get out before the holidays, retail is the worst. you need to do whats best for you. dont think about the store, staff change constantly in every profession and trade, they will survive without you.

9nrvu3

aita for letting my boyfriend's dad change my car battery?

last month my car battery died and wouldn't even charge. i told my mom as i'm 17, don't have a job, and it's kinda her responsibility right now. everytime i asked she either didn't answer or kept switching up what her plan was. my mom also has a pattern of not taking care of things until it impacts her daily life. i need the car to get to school and have already missed 2 days due to not having it, something needed to be done. my boyfriend's dad, larry, offered and i accepted as i needed help and he knows about cars. he jumpstarted it, took it to his house, and checks the battery with a little tool thing (idk, it just measured the level of power the battery was giving off i think) and concluded that it was the battery. he took it out as we we're still confused as to why it wasn't charging and low and behold, the battery is leaking badly. the battery is already out and larry offers to get me a new battery since i need the car for school. i accept because as far as i know, my mom has no real intention of doing anything. i text her to update her on the situation on our way to get the battery. because she was at work, it took her a couple hours to get back to me and she was fucking pissed. unknown to me, that morning she decided that she would have her boyfriend, jim, replace the battery and was planning on moving insurance and stuff around so i could drive a different car. she did not tell me this at any point in the 12 hours before i had larry look at it. she saw me that morning when i got breakfast before she went to work. i take college classes, i can't miss three days in a row of school. she lectured me on how i was being too independent and overstepping boundaries. all i did was get my car battery changed. i especially saved her $100 and an hour of her time. for clarification: she pays for the car as it's legally hers but i am listed as the primary driver and i drive it pretty much everyday. i feel like i should be allowed to get the car battery changed of it needs to be.

nta

nta. being too independent is an interesting complaint. i think getting help is the right thing to do. you went to your main source who was too busy, so you moved on to plan b. that’s something a responsible adult would do. you can’t sit around and let a problem negatively effect your life. you had a problem and you fixed it. good job!

nta your mom has serious issues. if my son or daughter would manage this on her own i would be proud.

9nu2ca

aita for being irritated by my inlaws who are choosing my unvaccinated niece over my vaccinated children?

my children are both vaccinated and healthy. my sil and her husband have decided not to vaccinate their daughter. she has no issues that prevent her from being vaccinated. this is a matter of choice and “snake-oil medicine” that my sil thinks is quality care. i don’t resent my niece, however, her parents refusing to believe doctors and medical professionals and choosing not to vaccinate has alienated my children. my husband’s parents will consistently cancel plans with our kids or reschedule family functions for my niece (again, not her fault). this time it’s because my five year old was vaccinated and they “don’t want the virus to shed” so she doesn’t contract it. fine. whatever. that was yesterday. but now they are going to the homecoming parade with my niece. around other vaccinated people. i’m lit. i’m trying to hold my tongue, but i’m tired of it. last christmas my immuno-compromised nephew wasn’t allowed at christmas because of my nieces lack of immunizations. we asked my sil and inlaws to just half the evening with each child and both my sil and her husband and my inlaws said no. because it’s an inconvenience to my niece (who is 3). this child has been turned away from every pediatrician in our town because of my crazy sil refusal to vaccinate. she was granted “religious exemption” so she can attend daycare, but other parents don’t want her exposing their children. my inlaws ditching my kids is the issue i am having. this consistently happens. my husband doesn’t want confrontation with his parents. which i will ultimately keep it to myself if he doesn’t agree to approach them. but aita for standing wanting to stand up for my kids?

nta

people like your sil are the same people who let their kids die over their belief not to give them access to all that modern medicine has to offer. nta your inlaws sound kinda toxic

it is your business. a few weeks ago my daughter came home from school with a letter that said a kid at her school had chicken pox. my child is vaccinated but that doesnt keep the chicken pox away 100%. theres something called breakthrough which is a less severe version of whatever the person has. so my daughter could've gotten breakthrough chicken pox because some parent, who has obviously done absolutely no research, is going to have their unvaccinated kids around my vaccinated kids?!?! imagine bringing your kids to the doctor and them telling you that your kids have breakthrough polio. would it be your business then? did you know that the one doctor that said that vaccines can cause autism lost his medical license because he lied? how can so many people believe one person who is no longer allowed to practice medicine?!?!?! what if i said wearing shoes can cause your foot to fall off? would you believe me? it's just as ridiculous as believing that vaccinations can cause autism when there has been zero evidence to back that up!!! this issue enrages me because i cannot believe that in 2018, almost 2019, that there are still people in the world this freaking stupid!!!!!!! ps - nta!!

9nu6qa

aita for getting angry at my close friend for not inviting me to her birthday party

i have known her for 3 years and we text multiple times a day. she had a party and did not invite me she invited close friends of mine but not me and she still expects me to give her a birthday gift. i did say "why the fuck did you do that you know that would hurt me" and "that really hurt" i am not sure if i am the asshole or not.

nta

nta! what a dick!

nta she still wants a gift wtf also why did she not invite you

9nv321

aita;i was calles "cis" by a member of the lgb community. i asked them to use my preferred pronoun- "normal"

i'm a straight male and i've recently been called "cis". i didn't like it. i asked the person that if they are going to label me then label me with a term i wish to be identified with. i asked them to use the word "normal". i can say that didn't go over well. aita?

yta

yta for employing "cis" must equal normal. "cis" is literally just the opposite of "trans".

yta using the term normal that escalated the situation. nta for calling out hypocrisy. as a bi lady, i found your response both hilarious and indecent, but i've been called out on my sense of humor many times. everyone is different, i probably would have laughed and called you normal until it became ridiculous.

9nvr9a

aita for asking to split rent in accordance with income?

my husband has just got a new job where he'll be earning three times what i earn. i asked if he would split our expensive london rent 80:20 and he got angry and asked whether i would put my savings in both our names. i said no because it's my money from before we were together and part of it is an inheritance from my mum's death. he accused me of guilt tripping him. for reference he will earn more in a year than i have in savings. he said he would put money above what he's earning now in a joint savings account so we can buy a house and hopefully achieve financial independence. am i the asshole? my husband and i have had an in depth conversation about our finances, our plans and hopes for the future, and our expectations and emotions around money. we're going to open a shared savings or investment account where we both put as much as we can, including the amount he would have given to me under my proposal (i always wanted to save it, but i wanted to have some control over it). we're also going to put our plans in writing, including that i'll make some of my savings available for buying our house together, as will he. the mortgage may fall slightly more to him, especially as by that time we'll hopefully be starting a family and give my lower income it will make sense for me to stay home more than him. hopefully this helps anyone in the same position in future. thanks again, everyone.

yta

sounds like you want him to take care of you, but not have joined assets/any benefit for him. yta. have a mature conversation about your finances and goals. he’s offering to start putting cash away for a home, dude.

yta (sorry). i know it seems unfair, and you're a married couple so you would think he'd be eager to help you out. but that's not how it works. if he didn't agree to paying more rent then you don't really have an argument. it's his money and his life and he worked for it so.. couples do their best to make each other's lives comfortable, but i don't think you should expect something like this. maybe the extra money will benefit your lives in some other way.

9nxlo9

aita for not paying his rent?

my husband doesn't work, because he chooses not to work. he's capable of working and has held six figure jobs in the past. he has an mba and tons of experience. about 4 years ago he quit working and i started paying all the bills. ok, so now you know the household dynamic. over the last 3/4 years he stopped taking his meds and got very heavy into drugs. he started stealing from me to pay for the drugs. i was short on bills every single month because of this. we were barely afloat. i'm talking food stamps barely afloat. then he would trade those for drugs. lots of ramen. then he decided to add cheating to the mix. so he was lying, cheating, doing massive amounts of drugs, and stealing. and not working. after he lost custody of my step son due to his drug use, and had one more affair in my own bed, i had enough. i left to go stay with friends. we had a plan. i was going to get therapy and get help on my own. he was going to go to drug and alcohol treatment, quit using, get a therapist, and start working. we were going to try to come back together as more emotionally healthy people and try and fix the marriage. in exchange for his efforts to fix his issues thereby investing in the future of our marriage, i would continue to pay his bills as my investment in the future of our marriage. six weeks have passed since i left. he went to treatment then quit. hasn't found a therapist. is still using drugs. probably cheating, and still not working. so i don't feel like paying his bills is the best option. at this point i feel i need to save my meager earnings for my own apartment. i don't see him making any changes, and i feel like my future investment should be in me. not him. i'm going to need a place to live if he doesn't get serious help. he will be homeless if i don't pay his rent. i can't afford both. he feels that if i don't pay his rent i am leaving him high and dry, which is true. he feels like it isn't fair that i expect him to be able to pay all his own bills when i have supported him for so long. i think a court would order me to pay his bills, since i've done it so long. which makes me think he is right. you can't just leave your spouse high and dry after supporting them for 4 years. but i don't make enough to save for my own apartment and pay his rent and bills. forcing him to be homeless seems like an asshole thing to do. at the same time i don't want to pay his bills when he's acting like such an asshole and breaking all of his promises. if i don't pay, i'm breaking my promise, and i'm the asshole. help! who is the asshole?!?

nta

absolutely do not listen to what your drug-addicted, manipulative husband thinks you will have to pay for him because he is drug-addicted and manipulative. he will tell you whatever he needs to in order for you to continue enabling him to use drugs and fuck other women with no consequences to himself. lawyer up and have their first action be to help you secure your finances. do not let husband know you are lawyering up. use incognito mode whenever doing searches relating to getting a lawyer or securing said finances. change your phone's passcode and your bank pins. good luck. oh, and obviously, nta.

nta at all. i would recommend checking out al anon family groups in your area. you’ll find a lot of people who have gone through what you are going through, and can help you deal with it. living with an addict or alcoholic is really hard, and you don’t have to do it alone.

9nxmk4

aita for decking a gay guy who has been sexually harassing and touching me despite me telling him to stop?

i am a guy and i have my own store. lately this guy has been going to the food place next door and has started coming into my store. he was pretty chill at first despite him offering me money to go on dates with him. then he started getting seriously weird and creepy by trying to hug me, grab my ass and dick. apparently he does this to a ton of other guys too because they were able to describe him and his car without me saying his name. when the incident happened me and a few friends were at a bar and he was up there with some friends also. he kept trying to come over and was touching all over me despite me moving away and telling him to stop. finally, he grabbed my cheeks with one hand, pulling my face/lips saying some shit about me being a tease despite my protests. i finally ended up slugging him hard in the face while shouting "stop grabbing my dick and trying to kiss me!". i honestly feel awful for hitting him but he just wouldn't fucking stop it combined with stress from people laughing at me/not believing it because i'm a guy. i just had no option left since noone was making any moves to get him off me. am i an asshole? should i be feeling so bad for hitting him despite the fact he sexually harassed me? i just feel very ashamed of my actions despite knowing i was defending myself.

nta

nta. being gay doesn't give you the right to assault people.

nta. you are perfectly reasonable to hit someone who wont stop touching and sexualizing you despite objections.

9ny98u

aita for having sex with someone my friend likes?

a friend found out that i had sex with a girl he has feelings for. we have all known each other for a few years (all in our 20s) but they have no history that i know other then occasionally flirting. he never told me he was interested in her but it's sort of obvious to all of our friends. i don't think she is in to him because nothing has ever happened with them. her and i are just friends but we have hooked up before. he found out and was mad at me. he texted me and basically said i was a bad friend. i don't think i did anything wrong. am i the asshole?

nta

nta, and i think it's really unfair of your friend (and the people calling you the asshole in this thread) to make you think you did something wrong they have had a flirtatious relationship for **years** according to you, and he has never made a move, or even openly expressed his desire to date this girl. you should not be beholden to the secret desires of your friends. i think the whole concept of having a claim on another person is pretty absurd anyway, but him expecting you to respect an unspoken "agreement" is legitimately crazy to me. if he wants to date her, then it shouldn't matter if you two hooked up anyway. you weren't doing anything to hurt him, he's just being a child about it.

nta. no one can reserve people for themselves. and people fall in love (or get horny), not a lot one can do.

9nyr96

aita for dumping my boyfriend over his porn genre choices?

throwaway since i have friends that are on reddit. my now ex boyfriend has some problems in the bedroom (getting off or staying hard) and i never thought too much of it. i have a lot of guy friends who says it’s normal and just happens and i accept this. (we’re all in our mid 20’s). i got some advice about putting porn on to mix things up. he was all for it... but when he opened his laptop, it was animal porn left on his browser. not people dressed as animals. animals fucking. he closed it out quickly and did a weird laugh. it really ruined the moment for me and i went home instead. the next day i asked him if we could talk. i asked him about the animal porn and he said that one day he was struggling to find porn he was into so he went down a rabbit hole. eventually he found animal porn and jerked off to it. he’s been doing it ever since. it was kind of a knee jerk reaction and i told him i couldn’t be with him anymore. i haven’t told anyone this except my sister, to get some advice. she said, it’s just porn. it’s not like he’s actually going out and fucking animals. that i’m overreacting and it’s just him experimenting with porn. am i the asshole for breaking up with him over porn? because otherwise he’s a great guy and my whole family loves him.

nta

that shit is fucking weird, it’s only porn until you walk in on him and the dog. nta

nta. i would get weirded out.

9nyt0f

aita for asking a pregnant woman if she had a boyfriend?

this happened at some point last year at my old job when i was 20, i do not have kids so maybe i’m just clueless. so i was working at a hair salon with multiple locations, my home location asked me to travel to another nearby location for a few days to cover shifts. i’ve met mostly everyone there aside from a newer girl who was maybe 7 months pregnant. her and i were chatting in the break room the first day i met her. i basically started the conversation by saying congratulations and we started talking about general pregnancy things. the conversation shifted a bit at one point and i had mentioned something about my boyfriend, i asked her if she had a boyfriend or whatever. not because i was judging her or even curious about her being a single mom, the conversation wasn’t even on the topic of pregnancy anymore and i wasn’t even thinking about it. i was just trying to make small talk i guess. she smirked at me and said “something like that” in response. she didn’t seem angry or upset so i just smiled and that was all. soooo the next day comes and at one point mid shift she calls me over to talk to me in private. she brings up how yesterday i asked if she had a significant other and how rude it is to ask a pregnant person that. she said i should never ask someone that ever. she was actually pretty angry/upset. i told her that i wasn’t even asking in the context she thought i was, i was just making conversation and didn’t mean anything judgemental by it. as i said before, i had asked that question after we had stopped talking about her pregnancy. it wasn’t like i directly followed up “oh congrats!” with “do you have a boyfriend?”. i don’t know. i was just really taken off guard by her sudden anger about it (especially the next day?). like did she steam about it for a whole 24 hours? was it that bad? i felt like an insensitive bitch. i’ve been shy/introverted my whole life and have only really started coming out of my shell within the past 4 years or so. my social skills are kind of awkward and i’m really self conscious about it. i have a hard time making connections with new people. so i took this whole thing pretty hard, i felt like i was still a child who still couldn’t handle a normal adult conversation. i cried in the bathroom about it for about 5 minutes and really beat myself up over it. it’s such a small incident and if i didn’t have a history of being the weird antisocial girl all my life it probably wouldn’t have bothered me. i work in a new spa/salon now and still deal with clients and coworkers on a daily basis. i try to make conversation with them and i’m actually pretty talkative, but i still think about this and it bothers me because now i wonder if things i’m saying are accidentally insensitive. i tend to get a good amount of pregnant clients for mani/pedis and massages (i have never asked about a significant other since this happened lol). also i have a pregnant coworker too. i try not to ask her questions about anything relating to her pregnancy. what’s up with this? was i really being that rude?

nta

nta. you were just being casual but it must have struck a nerve. she is apparently defensive and sensitive about this topic. not your fault for not knowing beforehand.

when i read the title, i was ready to come in guns blazing to tell you you're an asshole. but... you were not prying and it wasn't related specifically to her pregnancy. so no. nta.

9nzjzz

aita for being mad at my mom for posting a bunch of embarrassing stuff about me online?

i recently found out that my mom used to post things about me on parenting websites when i was growing up. it's not just normal everyday stuff, but really personal stuff about my behavior and my eating habits. last year i came out to her and she posted about that, too! the worst part is, her facebook profile is linked to all of her accounts. she even posted my face as an avatar on one of her non-facebook connected accounts. it's a picture from when i was about 11 or 12 but i still consider it a major violation of my privacy. the way i found out was that other members of my family were talking about it around the table at my aunt and uncle's house. i'm really upset about it because it feels like all of our private family business is out on the internet. i don't want people to know how old i was the last time i wet the bed or how underweight i was when i was in high school. but that shit's out there with my mom's full name on most of the posts and pictures of me on the other ones. i asked my mom to remove them right away and she said she would but she thinks i'm being ridiculous. if it matters i'm 19. am i the asshole right now?

nta

nta. bet she'd not enjoy you airing all her dirty laundry to the world.

nta at all. you're right, that was a violation of your privacy, and i think that your mom should not have posted those things without asking for your permission. that bring said, don't overreact and get super mad at your mom. i suggest you to just politely ask her a few times to remove the posts.

9o0t3g

aita for dumping my girlfriend after she let me know she's bisexual?

throwaway because paranoid. somewhat recently my girlfriend of several years informed me that she may be bisexual, and has evidently for some time had thoughts about whether or not she's completely 'straight'. for context, we're both only in our early 20's. i love her more than anything, but the thought that she may also be attracted to women worries me. i'm a straight, relatively liberal guy, and have always imagined that i would be completely comfortable in a relationship with a bisexual woman so long as we’re both committed to each other (because that’s what really matters, right?). but actually being in this situation is suddenly intensely uncomfortable. for me physically, my girlfriend is everything i could ever want or need in a partner. there’s just something about her personality and importantly her body that drives me absolutely nuts and right now i can't even dream of being with someone else. i guess what makes me insecure is the idea that she may (either now or someday) harbor some sexual needs or desires that i simply will never be able to provide for her. the way i see it, she is all i’ll ever need, but physically as a male i can only ever represent half of her sexual interest. i’m not under any kind of impression that bisexuality implies unfaithfulness; i just don’t really know how to reconcile with the sudden unbalanced nature of this relationship. i’ve given some thought as to whether this could be a deal-breaker for me, but i feel like an asshole for even thinking about breaking up with my partner over something like this. am i the asshole for considering breaking up with my girlfriend after she told me she’s bisexual?

yta

if you go through with this, yta. however, i don’t think your post is assholeish as much as misguided at the moment. a lot of people have these qualms with bisexuality, but think about it this way: you trusted her not to cheat before, even with guys who might have had physical traits you can’t offer. in a way i think you should feel more special and secure, because she has even more options and still chooses you. i’m a bisexual 20 year old woman, and i don’t typically feel a lot of sexual interest in people who aren’t my partner when i’m in a relationship. my brain just isn’t wired like that. i might appreciate someone aesthetically, but my “sexual orientation” is just for my so. maybe she’s different, but if she is, it’s going to be an issue whether she likes girls or not. (also, a lot my straight male partners and i have actually bonded in the past over the girls we know or female celebrities who we find hot. it’s fun and playful to talk about openly!)

uh, she likes dick but you didn't break up with her because she might, someday, fantasize about another man. yta.

9o10y2

aita for not lending my father my car for two weeks

here are the facts: - he wants to borrow it for two weeks straight - he spontaneously decided to sell his car just today without warning - he is waiting for his "dream car" to be delivered during this time - i live alone on the other side of town, have to run my own errands - i use public transportation most of the time, but still use my car when the service unavailable or impractical - he has to commute to his job on he other side of town - he gave me this car 6 years ago, after he himself had used it for 3 years and had gotten a much nicer car (the one he just sold) - the car is registered in his name for some reason, but i pay for license, registration and maintenance - he has me on his corporate car insurance plan because it's much cheaper - he paid some of the fees as a birthday present this year, without asking - he bought my sister a new car about the same time he handed me down this old one - i have paid and still pay for monthly parking at my building and have for the past year, and there's obviously no refunds in the middle of the month my thoughts: - he brought this on himself by deciding to sell his car without securing a new one. he claims it was because he got a good price for it and didn't expect it. so if he had waited two weeks to sell the car he might have had to knock the price down slightly. in other words, he did it to maximize his return on investment, which is fine, but there is an inherent cost to this decision which he brought about on himself, but basically expects me to cover - he and my mother have a strange aversion to public transportation. i don't think they so much as took a city bus since i was born. almost as though public transit is so very below them, which is... well, i'll just say impractical. one time he forced me to get up at dawn to drive him to the airport. why not just take a taxi like anyone else? the "principle" of it, he said. and he said he same thing this time too. like it's an affront to him that his son isn't willing at all times to do things to make him basically feel better. - i've lent him my car in the past for one or two days, and i would again, but two straight weeks without it means i would probably just not go out on weekends, to be honest. i don't really have anything to look forward to in my life at the moment and have minimal real human contact. that's certainly a failing on my part, but the fact is that i need to be able to freely go out on weekends just to remain sane. i can still go out of course, but it would cost a fortune in ubers. - he still has my mother's car he can use on outings, albeit not to commute on weekdays.

nta

all the things that you could do, he could do, too. he can take transit. he can take an uber. he can get your mom to drive him to work before going herself (or vice-versa). he can rent a car for the two weeks he needs it. a day or weekend would be reasonable, but not multiple weeks. and i agree with others, get that thing (or another one, if he won't cooperate) in your name and insurance so he can't get family members to harass you about using your own damn car. nta.

nta, it's practically your car, and it isn't right of him to have your car because he couldn't acquire some kind of transportation before he sold his car. but, perhaps you both could come to a compromise?