17.txt

“Hello?”

I open the door to our dorm room and there is no Misha. That’s good, she’s out and about then.

Probably with Yu.

“Looks like it’s just us Francois-san.”

She follows me inside and closes the door behind us, she lingers for a bit.

“Is it too soon… to use our first names?” She hasn’t been this shy yet, her glance is downturned. I… this is starting to feel very real. She looks so vulnerable, the request is simple enough isn’t it?

I’m overthinking it aren’t I?

Claire

“Umm, no I think it’s okay…… Claire-san.”

She looks up, and there is a small smile, “Well it’s better than Claire-sama.” The teasing is mirthful, I remember she said not to call her that the first time but I am missing a fair bit of context aren’t I? Did I just call her that before?

“I appreciate it Rei… chan, and please don’t feel like you have to rush anything on my part. I don't want you to feel like you are being pressured into this.”

“I’m not, really, I’m just weird. I have my own hangups about things and I don't know when I will get better about it. This is just very new to me. Umm…  Anyways this is my ever so humble room that I share with Misha.” It’s so very plain, at least it’s pretty clean. No clothes were left on the floor, I made sure of that before I left.

She… Claire is looking around judging the room, “It is rather humble isn’t it, I wasn’t sure but I had a feeling that mine was… well extravagant. I have to admit, I don’t have a good frame of reference here in this world for this sort of thing.”

“Oh yah, your’s is pretty nice, it's fine here. It does its job. Misha and I are mostly getting by on savings and scholarship so we can’t really complain.”

“I hope that didn’t sound judgemental, there was a time when I was very young and would have been… well condescending about it.” 

“Oh don’t worry about it, F-Claire-san. Give me a moment to set up.” I pop my shoes off, and pull my laptop off my side of the desk. We can sit on the bed, it’s fine. The chairs sucks anyways.

So the laptop starts up and I drop it on the bed. “Also Claire-san, I did look up a bit about prosthetics, for Achard-san.

“Ohh?” She closes in behind me, I wasn't expecting that and I can feel a shiver run down my back from the proximity.

Calm down Rei, “YaH, so I think there are few places nearby, and there is a lot to consider, I think we would need to actually take her to them and figure out what needs to be done. It sounds like it's something that needs proper maintenance so routine checkups are normal. It will probably cost a bit but It might be covered? I don’t know, we would have to probably talk to her… guardian? You said something about her dad right?”

“Yes… He can choke.” Her voice is like ice.

I turn to face her, she looks like she is ready to kill him. It’s scary…

…but also kinda hot.

OH GOD REI SHUT UP

“I think my mother would probably be her guardian now, but I think I might be able to contact Lene, she is… our maid? Not a maid, but our butler I think. That’s weird to say, I know her from before too, she was my personal maid but Catherine said it’s not quite like that anymore? I haven’t really talked to her but I think she would know what we need to do. I have a feeling she would even manage it in the first place but I think Catherine might be a bit resistant to it… I have yet to suss out the exact reason…”

Oh, well that would make things easier. It makes sense, like I wouldn't really be booking this for her right? That's silly, what am I expecting? Is there anything I can really do then? I’m just a stranger and she has a medical history that I know nothing about, it’s not like I could just suggest a random clinic and we take her there, she probably has a doct-

“Rei, thank you, would you mind if I tried calling her now, I would appreciate it if you were there for it as I don’t know what I am talking about really.”

“Oh, ummm sure Claire-san.”

She smiles and sits down on my bed, okay I can still be useful, that's good. She starts the call and it rings a few times before a voice comes through on the speaker.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle Claire, how might I help you.” The voice is very formal, and her accent is more noticeable than Claire's.

“Lene! It’s great to hear from you.”

“Is everything all right?” She sounds a bit concerned, I would guess most conversations didn’t start like this before.

“Of course Lene, I am quite all right, but I was hoping you could assist me with something. Well Catherine more specifically, she has… well her leg has been damaged and she needs a new one I would say.” Claire-san holds the phone at chest height between the two of us, and her free hand fidgets on her knee.

There is a long pause, “Oh… Well yes we could look into that, she is long due for an appointment but she has insisted it’s not necessary. I… should she not be telling me about this?”

“Well as you said she has been stubborn about it, I don’t think it will be easy to convince her.”

“I could bring this up with your mother then, she might be able to convince her, I know she has wanted to get her a new leg for a while.”

“No, that’s not necessary right now, I think I can convince her, it is partially my fault it’s in its state it is in anyways.”

“Well if that’s the case I can arrange an appointment, I can pick her up probably next weekend. Would you want to accompany us or…?”

“Yes please, and would it be alright if I brought a… friend as well?”

Wait what?

“That shouldn’t be a problem, should I assume that you will inform Mademoiselle Catherine?”

“Yes, I want it to be a surprise, and I think it would be easier too to bring her that way.”

“I understand, I will text you when I finalize the details, do you require anything else Mademoiselle Claire?”

“No that will be all, Thank you Lene, I hope you have a lovely day.”

There is a short pause, “Of course, thank you Mademoiselle, have a nice day.”

The call ends, and Claire looks up at me, her cheeks drawn high from a smile and she grabs my hand. “We did it!”

I didn’t do anything though, but she is very happy, “Well you ended up doing most of it, but I’m glad for you.”

“Hush, you were important, thank you for being here with me for it.”

“So… did you want to bring-”

“Yes, could you come along too? I know I didn’t really ask you beforehand but I would really appreciate it if you came. It might be a bit silly but it’s less intimidating when you are with me.”

“I would die for you.”

She blanches slightly. Fuck, I wasn’t suppose to say that. That was a bit unhinged.

“Rei!”

“Sorry, that came out wrong I-”

She wraps me in a hug, “Please don’t, I’m sorry we have just been through a lot. I understand it's a non-serious expression but I don’t want to lose you.”

aaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaa

“Are you okay?” When did she let go? She is gently rubbing my arm and her face furls in concern.

“yUp, totally fine… Sorry about that Claire-san, it’s just my weird otaku stuff leaking out…”

“I… I don’t mind the mannerism Rei, I just want you to know I don’t want to lose you okay. Don’t think you need to sacrifice yourself for me okay? That just hits… a little too close.”

I, right, she lived through a revolution, even if it was mostly non-violent. I have to imagine things weren’t always safe in her old life. I am doing a bad job at this.

“Don’t worry Claire-san, I’ll be better.”

She gives one more squeeze of my arm before letting her hand fall away, “Don't worry about it too much either, I’m just glad you are here and your otaku-ness is charming.” She teases out a smile.

This can’t be real.

I clear my throat, “Soooo… um video games!”

She nods and I turn back to the laptop, I should grab the controller, “Feel free to get comfortable on the bed, I’ll just set it up.” I reach under the bed and pull out the box with the controller in it, and then grab the charging cable to plug the laptop in. When I turn back I see that Claire has decided to sit in the corner of the bed, laying down its length, I had thought we would sit across the bed… I was going to pull the desk to prop the laptop on. She just looks at me innocently.

She planned this…

We are going to be very close…

Oh god.

I can do this, don’t make a big deal about it.

Don't make a big deal about it.

I slide in next to her and prop the laptop up before us on my legs and open up the launcher for Persona. Claire focuses on the screen.

“Is this good? Comfortable?”

She leans into my space just a bit, “Hmmh.”

Oh god, I can do this.

The intro starts and Claire leans in as the title menu appears.

“Oh this is the same as your hoodie right? You said that was also Persona right?”

“Yes.” I can’t help but feel pleased that she remembered that, “This is that.”

“This looks… different, this isn’t real is it?”

“Oh no, it's ummm, Ok so we talked about anime, or animation before right?. A video is basically just a bunch of images pre-recorded with sound and then it gets played back, each fraction of a second is referred to as a frame, more frames, the smoother it looks. The videos we showed you before do that by doing something like by taking a photo, but every fraction of a second. Animation does that but is hand drawn, and once we start the game there is a little bit of that so you can see it. This is sorta different. In games things exist sort of more like puppets I guess? And they follow rules that are programmed by the game, so in the case of the silhouettes you see there, they just stand and repeat the animation, but when I swap between the different menu prompts you can see how things change.”

I do so and she oohs slightly.

I….

Thank you god for this.

“That's so fascinating. How does one even do this? This isn’t magic?”

I can’t help but chuckle, “No it’s really not magic, but I don’t really have an easy or short answer for how they work, these are 3D models, umm three dimensional models. That means they can be seen from every angle, they exist purely in the digital sense. The ones in this game like this are, mmm, well simpler but they can be very complex and very realistic looking. I can show you some examples later but this one is meant to look like an anime.”

“Okay, this is very impressive, I didn’t realize this was possible.” She leans into me some more.

I can feel my heart thud, “Let's start the game.”

She nods.

The intro plays and the short anime scene plays, Joker jumps through the ceiling of the casino and Claire is intently watching it all. Once it ends and the game proper starts she finally asks her question.

“What is happening?”

“It will make more sense, but this intro jumps to a moment much later in the story, it will go back to the actual start and things will make more sense. Right now the heroes are trying to escape getting caught after pulling a heist.”

“The heroes are thieves?”

“Yes, sorta. It eases into it once we get into it but if something still doesn’t make sense please ask.”

“Okay… also did the person just turn into a girl?”

“Wha…?” I wasn’t paying attention, and I check the model for Joker. It’s definitely not him anymore.

I forgot I had this mod installed, oh fuck this is going to be confusing. “Oh shit, sorry I forgot I did that.”

“You did that? What?” Oh, this is just making things more complicated, isn’t it?

“Not directly, ummm, okay so some people are very talented at changing games, it’s called modding, short for modifying.”

“That's not really that much shorter?”

“It’s usually just called mods, modding is the verb, errrr, anyways some people make mods and they can change games, in this case someone made a mod that changes the appearance of the protagonist, he… they are called Joker, I hope that’s not too confusing.”

“That really is impressive, that seems like it would be like rewriting a whole novel.”

“Yah, kinda. Same idea at its core I guess. It’s a lot of work, and in this case the mod is not completely done, it mostly is just a cosmetic change and the plot doesn’t really change to match it. So you still get referred to as a guy.”

“You?”

“Uh, yah, you play… or control the protagonist, Joker, so it’s like you are in the story. These types of games are called role playing games, cause you are playing the role of the hero, plot tends to be a big feature for these types of games… usually.” Don't go off on a pointless tangent Rei.

“I see. It is unfortunate that it is incomplete like you mentioned then.”

“Yah, but I think it actually works in the context of the game in a weird way, the themes of the game are about rebelling against society, how the world tries to dictate who you are and finding your true self to break away from the norms, the game already had a element of the world treating you like a delinquent and adding in this idea that you are also trans just kinda clicked in my head. And you have to do some filling in the blanks yourself because not exactly everything lines up with that but there is a lot that does and it makes the game feel so much more queer when it really isn’t and… I’m rambling aren’t I?”

There is a soft chuckle from Claire and she weaves her arm around mine, god I can feel my heart thud. “Please ramble, this is so fascinating, I really had no idea that art could be like this.”

She called it art…

Rei, calm down and don’t geek out too hard.

“Okay, okay, thanks, yah… Anyways I don’t want to get too much in the way, so here.” I give her the controller to her and she just stares at it like it's an arcane device.

“What’s this?”

“It's the controller, you can play the game with it.”

“Me? but …”

“Don’t worry, it's easy, press the X button and the next line of dialogue will play.” She looks down at the controller and analyzes the buttons, once satisfied she taps the said button like an old person typing on a keyboard.

I am so lucky….

Don’t laugh Rei

The next line plays, “So who's talking?”

“They are part of your group, they will get slowly rolled out but right now the game is just teasing them.”

“Okay, this is an interesting way to introduce a story, I can’t think of many plays that have done this.” She presses the button as each line finishes, each time having to check the controller once more and then soon the dialogue is over. She looks a bit lost, “What now?”

“Do you see that stick on the left,” she looks down at it and nods. “Okay so put your hand around it like this, I guide her hands so they fit around the controller right, and show her where to place her thumbs, “Okay, now try pushing the left stick around, but look at the screen.”

She gives the stick one more look, as if she is trying to really commit its position to memory, and then hesitantly looks back at the screen. Joker moves as she tests the stick for the first time.

“She moved!” she bounces a bit in place as she gets excited, “It moves?!”

I can’t help but laugh again, oh god this is so adorable, I don’t deserve this. “Yes, you can move her around with the stick.”

Claire gives it a few more tests and looks quite proud as Joker moves around bit by bit, but soon she realizes she is stuck on the first platform.

“When you are close to the edge do you see the bit there on screen that says X to jump.”

She moves the model back to the spot, “Oooh,” she looks back down on the controller and finds the button once more and glees as she jumps over the edge. “Oh that is so neat.”

“Okay just keep going.”

It takes her a bit, she is pretty cautious but she starts to get more comfortable holding and using the controller by the time she reaches the first fight. She still has to venture a few looks to make sure her hands are in the right spots but I would be lying if I am not enjoying this a lot.

“Oh goodness what happened to that man? Is he a monster?”

“It will explain a bit better later, but yeah, that was not a person but a monster, or a shadow as the game calls them.”

“That’s not a thing in this world right?”

“Nonono, this is purely fictional, don’t worry about monsters here… wait did you have monsters?”

“Yes, but we could eliminate them with magic, here I would imagine they would be even more dangerous, so what now?”

I guide her through the first combat encounter, “You take turns going back and forth in this game so you can take your time, other games can require you to act fast but don’t worry about that in this one. You have different abilities or moves you can do, so try that first one.” She follows my suggestion, and after a few turns traded back and forth the first enemy is beaten and she has such a smug look on her face.

“ Trival for a Francois.”

I dont have the heart to tell her that it is a tutorial fight, “Good job Claire-san, lets keep going.”

We keep at it, and it doesn’t take long for the short intro slash tutorial to conclude and then Joker gets captured, Claire gasps as Joker is swarmed by policemen. “Did I do something wrong? I thought I won?”

“No that's how it’s supposed to go, don’t worry.”

She keeps watching determined, the rest of the intro plays and she glares at the men beating up Joker in the cell, oh god she is getting into it. Soon the difficulty prompt shows up, she seems stuck making a choice.

“I recommend easy?”

“Easy?” She does not like the sound of it.

“It’s fine, trust me you are going to have so many new things to think about, you don’t need to make the game harder for yourself.

She pouts a bit as she stares at the prompt.

She selects normal. Okay… It's okay, I'm here.

“I can choose a name?”

“Oh yah, so there is a default name, Ren, but a lot of games like this lets you choose your own name.”

“Can I name myself Claire?”

“Of course.” Oh this is so precious.

She slowly types out her full name, oh I love watching her figure it out in real time, there is so much focus on her face and she often overshoots on the onscreen keyboard.

Once done, the rest of the scene plays out. She is getting more in the swing of it now, paying attention to everything that is getting said. As it goes along I answer a few more questions, explaining subways and trains, letting her know the game is set in Japan, just not this exact city. The little bits about high school that come up.

I was worried this could be a dud but the hours start to slip by and she gets very absorbed in the game. Soon, she has finished the first day of the game.

“That’s probably a good spot to call it I think.”

“But I didn’t stop Kamoshida…”

“And trust me, even if we went for several more hours you wouldn’t either. It’s a big game, we can do more next weekend.”

She really leans into me and pouts, “Fine, you are probably right.”

I can’t help but chuckle, I know she wont get there at her rate, even if she chose easy, we are going to be at this for a while but I just feel myself looking forward to it.

“So did you like it.”

“Yes! This is so novel, you tried to describe them before, like many things, but actually seeing it is a world of difference. This is nothing like what I thought, and it is so interesting. I know I am missing a fair amount of context but I am really enjoying this so far, I hope we can continue.”

“I would lo- like to continue too.” She smirks from the side and hands me the controller.

“Also I do appreciate your choice, picking something set in your world is a clever idea.”

“I… it just made sense. And you would get to see things in a more natural way than if we just showed you… I don’t know, more educational videos again. There are other shows we can watch at some point too, and there are a lot of things set in not the real world too and those are worth watching just because they are fun and good… Umm but yah. Persona made sense. And I like it, even though I can complain a lot.”

“I look forward to having the context when that comes up then.”

I make sure her game is saved one last time, and shut down the laptop. I’m able to push it off but not really able to get up though.

Claire has wrapped herself around me.

I can’t complain but…

I have no idea what to do.

…do I do something?

“It’s around five thirty Claire-san.”

“Mhmm” She doesn’t make any effort to move.

“Okay.” I guess I live here now.

She sighs and tightens her grasp gently. “Thank you Rei, this was a very lovely day.”

“... Of course C-Claire-san, I’m happy you enjoyed it. I liked it too.”

I can feel one of her hands slowly creeping up my back.

What is happening?

I look at her and there is an intensity in her eyes. I gulp, I can feel my heart hammer. I swear it feels like there is an energy arcing from her into me. I can’t look away.

I don't want to look away.

I feel her other hand cup the side of my check, so tender but it firmly anchors the moment.

She licks her lips, wait did I just do the same.

What’s happening?

“Rei…?”

WHAT’S HAPPENING?

“Can I kiss you?”

…

…

“Rei?” she ask once more

…

I nod.

I can’t speak, oh god I can’t speak. Yes I want this. How is this happening? How did I get here?

She smiles, it's soft, it's fire, it's intense, it's gentle.

It’s…

Oh god I want this so much.

She pulls my face to hers, and her lips meet mine, a gentle kiss and I can’t help but gasp. How is this happening? She comes in for a second one and it’s more searing this time. I feel engulfed in her. She smells like vanilla and strawberries, she tastes divine. It’s all around me. She is all around me.

She doesn't break contact but she shifts her position and places herself on my lap, her legs wrap around me and she bends over me deepening the kiss again. She is all around me, and it's impossible to think about anything else. How long has it been? I feel like I am trapped in this moment. I could be trapped in this moment. I would be happy to be in this moment for the rest of time.

She shifts again, runs her hand across my neck, I have to gasp again and a shiver runs through my entire body.

She teases out a soft laugh at my reaction. I am at her mercy in this moment, anything she would want I would give to her. It’s terrifying but it's right.

It’s so right .

It’s like I found what I was missing in my life and I never want to lose it again. I feel a hunger that seemed lost, forgotten… I want more of this.

I need more of this.

Her lips sear mine again, I can feel her breath roll across my skin, everything feels so sensitive now. Every nerve alive with her energy.

I am at her beck, her call.

She shifts her kisses, to the corner of my mouth, down my cheek, peppering down my neck to where she pauses just above the base.

She's making me wait, I can’t help the whimper that escapes, please don’t stop now, I n-

Her tongue runs over the spot and my whole body shivers, I feel the saliva linger, the spot sizzles. She breathes over it and I moan. How? What? What am I doing? What is she doing? How is she doing this? Then she kisses the sensitive spot again, gently, then I feel the pressure build to a delicious level before a pop, and is released.

She pulls away, looking down on me. Like a cat that caught the bird. She knows. She knows I am hers. She knows. She smirks and that almost feels enough to completely undo me, she runs a hand across her face to pull some hair away from her face.

“Rei… I love you. Always.”

This is true.

I know it because…

The realization is as terrifying as it is true.

I love her too.