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Someone told me the unit of power was Joules. | I was like Watt? | ### Instruction:
Someone told me the unit of power was Joules.
### Response:
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I asked my dog "what's seven minus seven?" | He said nothing. | ### Instruction:
I asked my dog "what's seven minus seven?"
### Response:
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What do dyslexic Zombies eat? | Brians | ### Instruction:
What do dyslexic Zombies eat?
### Response:
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What did the drummer name his daughters? | Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4 | ### Instruction:
What did the drummer name his daughters?
### Response:
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I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. | Now I have Heinzsight. | ### Instruction:
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
### Response:
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What word becomes shorter when you add two letters? | Short. | ### Instruction:
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters?
### Response:
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My wife is furious at our neighbor who sunbathes naked in her backyard. | Personally, I'm on the fence | ### Instruction:
My wife is furious at our neighbor who sunbathes naked in her backyard.
### Response:
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What did the coffee say when it got to the police station? | Help I have been mugged! | ### Instruction:
What did the coffee say when it got to the police station?
### Response:
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Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage | Because it has long-distance runners on each side. | ### Instruction:
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage
### Response:
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How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? | None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it. | ### Instruction:
How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
### Response:
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Would you like a duck egg for supper | Only if you quack it for me. | ### Instruction:
Would you like a duck egg for supper
### Response:
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Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? | Because she didn't know which one came first! | ### Instruction:
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
### Response:
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Where is the best place to buy computer software | Washington C.D | ### Instruction:
Where is the best place to buy computer software
### Response:
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What do you call a Polish aardvark | A Polaark! | ### Instruction:
What do you call a Polish aardvark
### Response:
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What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had | The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had | ### Instruction:
What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had
### Response:
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What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire | Dracowla! | ### Instruction:
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire
### Response:
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Why did the elephant paint his toenails red | So he could hide in the cherry tree | ### Instruction:
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red
### Response:
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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you | Pull the pin and throw it back! | ### Instruction:
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you
### Response:
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Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats | They might be cheetahs! | ### Instruction:
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats
### Response:
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Q. What do you call 1000 heavily armed lesbians | A. Militia Etheridge | ### Instruction:
Q. What do you call 1000 heavily armed lesbians
### Response:
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Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice | He was a sherbet! | ### Instruction:
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice
### Response:
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I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said 'Come on buddy how about giving a guy a break | He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. | ### Instruction:
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said 'Come on buddy how about giving a guy a break
### Response:
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Why didn't Noah go fishing? | He only had two worms! | ### Instruction:
Why didn't Noah go fishing?
### Response:
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How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb? | Huh? The light's out? | ### Instruction:
How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
### Response:
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What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog | I don't know but it is great at chasing submarines. | ### Instruction:
What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog
### Response:
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How do you embarrass an archeologist? | Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. | ### Instruction:
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
### Response:
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Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri | To show the opossum it could be done. | ### Instruction:
Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri
### Response:
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Why did the python do national service | He was coiled up | ### Instruction:
Why did the python do national service
### Response:
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First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity | Second girl: No it's imagination. | ### Instruction:
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity
### Response:
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What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? | Anything you want. He can't hear you. | ### Instruction:
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on?
### Response:
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Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson | Because he'd already done the sharps and flats. | ### Instruction:
Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson
### Response:
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How do dolphins send messages | By sea-mail. | ### Instruction:
How do dolphins send messages
### Response:
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What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun? | An Uzi only repeats 40 times. | ### Instruction:
What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun?
### Response:
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How did the calf's final exam turn out | Grade A! | ### Instruction:
How did the calf's final exam turn out
### Response:
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Knock Knock Who's there | Cologne Cologne who | ### Instruction:
Knock Knock Who's there
### Response:
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Q. How do you confuse a blonde | A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner. | ### Instruction:
Q. How do you confuse a blonde
### Response:
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What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit | Hare in your milk! | ### Instruction:
What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit
### Response:
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How can you make a basset hound fast | Take away its food! | ### Instruction:
How can you make a basset hound fast
### Response:
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Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire | A Snowman. | ### Instruction:
Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire
### Response:
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Why did the Ape jump off the building | He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of! | ### Instruction:
Why did the Ape jump off the building
### Response:
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Did you hear about the ghoul's favorite hotel | It had running rot and mould in every room. | ### Instruction:
Did you hear about the ghoul's favorite hotel
### Response:
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Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller | Sharon: No why | ### Instruction:
Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller
### Response:
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How old were you on your last birthday | Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday | ### Instruction:
How old were you on your last birthday
### Response:
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What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called | -Hurricanes with cataracts | ### Instruction:
What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called
### Response:
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What do dogs have that no other animal has | Puppy dogs | ### Instruction:
What do dogs have that no other animal has
### Response:
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Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies | He used to keep it in his back pocket. | ### Instruction:
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies
### Response:
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What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? | A dope ring. | ### Instruction:
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
### Response:
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How do nuns surf the web | On the Hymnternet. | ### Instruction:
How do nuns surf the web
### Response:
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What do you call a cow that plays the guitar | A Moosician! | ### Instruction:
What do you call a cow that plays the guitar
### Response:
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Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? | Put Janet Reno in charge. | ### Instruction:
Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
### Response:
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What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment | A flat fish | ### Instruction:
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment
### Response:
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What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer | A Doberman. | ### Instruction:
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer
### Response:
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How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent | It speaks in Polly-syllables! | ### Instruction:
How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent
### Response:
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What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other | I didn't know we lived on the same block. | ### Instruction:
What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other
### Response:
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Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread | It was a crusty steed! | ### Instruction:
Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread
### Response:
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How does an octopus go to war | Well-armed | ### Instruction:
How does an octopus go to war
### Response:
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Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups | A. Put the remote control between his toes. | ### Instruction:
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups
### Response:
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What has 6 legs bits and talks in code | A morese-quito | ### Instruction:
What has 6 legs bits and talks in code
### Response:
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Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly | Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio than on TV. | ### Instruction:
Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly
### Response:
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Four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving? | The police. | ### Instruction:
Four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving?
### Response:
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Why did the monster stop playing with his brother | He got tired of kicking him around. | ### Instruction:
Why did the monster stop playing with his brother
### Response:
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Teacher: What's a robin | Fred: A bird that steals ma'am. | ### Instruction:
Teacher: What's a robin
### Response:
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When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions? | When he married outside of his family. | ### Instruction:
When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions?
### Response:
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Why was the cat afraid of the tree | Because of the tree bark. | ### Instruction:
Why was the cat afraid of the tree
### Response:
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What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema | Fancy a bite | ### Instruction:
What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema
### Response:
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What did the spider say to the bee | Your honey or your life | ### Instruction:
What did the spider say to the bee
### Response:
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What do you call a blind German? | A Not See (Nazi) | ### Instruction:
What do you call a blind German?
### Response:
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If you take half from a half dollar what do you have | A dollar. | ### Instruction:
If you take half from a half dollar what do you have
### Response:
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What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game | Sorry it was a freak hic! | ### Instruction:
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game
### Response:
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What did the dentist say to the computer | ...This won't hurt a byte | ### Instruction:
What did the dentist say to the computer
### Response:
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What does a proud computer call his little son? | A microchip off the old block. | ### Instruction:
What does a proud computer call his little son?
### Response:
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Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex | Oral sex makes your day anal sex makes your hole weak. | ### Instruction:
Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex
### Response:
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Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow how many rabbits would you have | Jackie: Nine. Teacher: That's not right you'd have eight. Jackie: No Teacher I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home! | ### Instruction:
Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow how many rabbits would you have
### Response:
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What surfs the Internet and goes 'Choo Choo | Thomas the Search Engine. | ### Instruction:
What surfs the Internet and goes 'Choo Choo
### Response:
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What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor | Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go | ### Instruction:
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor
### Response:
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What do you use to cut the ocean | A seasaw | ### Instruction:
What do you use to cut the ocean
### Response:
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What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter | Best vicious . . . | ### Instruction:
What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter
### Response:
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What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence | Divorced. | ### Instruction:
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence
### Response:
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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anthea ! Anthea who | Anthea get home by 8 O'clock or else | ### Instruction:
Knock Knock Who's there ! Anthea ! Anthea who
### Response:
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What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell | Addercadabra and abradacobra. | ### Instruction:
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell
### Response:
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Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs | Criminal: Why | ### Instruction:
Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs
### Response:
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What does a cow like to do by a campfire | Roast Moosmallows! | ### Instruction:
What does a cow like to do by a campfire
### Response:
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Why do all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis | Because it is below C level. | ### Instruction:
Why do all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis
### Response:
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Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear | Because he liked sole music! | ### Instruction:
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear
### Response:
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If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London | Because he's a beef-eater. | ### Instruction:
If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London
### Response:
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What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball | The Philadelphia Beagles! | ### Instruction:
What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball
### Response:
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Whats the difference between your wife and your job | After 10 years the job still sucks. | ### Instruction:
Whats the difference between your wife and your job
### Response:
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What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet | The Site-anic. | ### Instruction:
What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet
### Response:
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Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - | So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it. | ### Instruction:
Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? -
### Response:
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog | A fangfurtersna | ### Instruction:
What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog
### Response:
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Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing dear | Jane: Yes and we're going again tomorrow. Mother: Really | ### Instruction:
Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing dear
### Response:
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QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep | ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole. | ### Instruction:
QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep
### Response:
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What kind of money do snowmen use | Iced lolly. | ### Instruction:
What kind of money do snowmen use
### Response:
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How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon | Melon-collie | ### Instruction:
How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon
### Response:
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What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? | They've both swallowed a lot of semen. | ### Instruction:
What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
### Response:
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Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet | He wrecked three cars a bus and two fire engines | ### Instruction:
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet
### Response:
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Waiter waiter does the pianist play requests | Yes sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal. | ### Instruction:
Waiter waiter does the pianist play requests
### Response:
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What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg | The bombshell | ### Instruction:
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg
### Response:
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Why is a sofa like a roast chicken | Because they're both full of stuffing | ### Instruction:
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken
### Response:
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Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies | Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter there's a Gorilla in my soup! | ### Instruction:
Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies
### Response:
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