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Roilvn: TIFU: Nothing Like an Accidental Suicide. So Friday night, I went out drinking. A few people from work where throwing a rap show so I went. After 3 or 4 or 5 or 9 bowls, and 1/2 to 99% of a gallon of apple pie, a beer, and half a bottle of vodka chugged. I threw up my stomach. One of my friends gave me a ride home and I made it inside to sleep. Before i did i drank a bunch of water and then took some tylonal. Sadly what i thought was a pain reveler was really 4 times my does for my sleep meds. That plus a stomach full of alcohol and no food. I don't remember the night but i answered my phone three times, as well as texted, and was two and a half hours late to work. All that and I was recovering from the sleep meds in my body and vomiting all day. ravia: This made me angry. I'm not going to express the anger, just report it to you. In other words, no insults, no disparraging remarks. Just: it made me angry. Why do you want to party like that? Maybe you aren't having as good a time as you think so you are piling on these things to make up for it. But whatever the reason, and without knowing you at all, I felt a certain sadness thinking that you could die. I think that made me angry. I think I don't know you but still find this compelling, let me say. Please just stop this stuff. yeaup: I don't know how big OP is, but this amount of alcohol sounds like a rough next morning rather than a life threatening situation. He was still coherent enough to drink water and that's more than I can say for a lot of the drunk friends I've taken care of. The sleeping pills are what takes shit to the fucked up thank god he didn't die level. You're very polite. As a bystander I appreciate that. But you should know that your post still makes you sound a little naive and more than a little condescending. ravia: I said to the OP that I don't know them. I felt they were in some risky behavior and expressed that. It made me angry. I said it made me angry, thinking about how drunk they got and that they appeared to have put themselves in danger. I also said, "for whatever reason", meaning that I can't presume the reasons. This is not condescension. It's leaving things quite open and non-presumtuous. I asked a straightforward question: "Why do you want to party like that?" I drive a taxi and take a lot of severely drunk people home, and have cleaned up the contents of their stomachs on numerous occasions, more than I can count. I've had to call 911 for several drunk people, carried some in with their friends, intervened in fights, driven them straight to the ER due to large gashes on the person, found them staggering after being hit by a vehicle, called their military base commander after several extreme cases of drunkness/drunk driving in one instance, retrieved the dropped gun of one profoundly drunk person and gave it to the police (it was stolen), etc.. While I'm not foisting this whole history on the OP, I saw the signs of a drunkeness that was dangerous, could have lead to Tylenol poisoning and, as you point out, what would have been a 4x sleeping meds dosing on top of alcohol. I think I perceived a real danger that I think I was responding to appropriately and without a shred of condescension. You read it as condescending. I don't think it was, nor do I think it was naive. It appears, rather, that the OP is dangerously naive. yeaup: Okay so you still sound condescending and I want you to understand why. Let me break this down for you. You start the original post by taking an agressive stance. >This made me angry. Your statement is blunt and punchy. You catch attention and immediately put OP in the defensive. This is actually a good technique because it is so strong. Just make sure that you know what kind of tone it sets. You follow this up >I'm not going to express the anger, just report it to you. In other words, no insults, no disparraging^[sic] remarks. Just: it made me angry. Here you take the moral high ground. It works well with the sentence above because it contains the aggression and sets terms. You make a promise to only to report anger. You make a promise to make this post about yourself. If you had stuck to this it would have been a very powerful technique. You would have expressed the dangers of OP's lifestyle without ever actually saying anything disparaging about OP. But you don't do that. You follow this promise to talk to "just report" with a question. >Why do you want to party like that? It's not just any question. You question his very desires. You say 'want.' You could leave want out of it. 'Why do you party like that?' is fairly neutral. By including want you question not his actions, but his motives. You question his desires. This is okay sometimes. But you have already established that you are both angry and righteous. When you are both these things and you ask someone about their desires you assume a tone of disapproval. Condescension. By proxy you are questioning his character, and in order for that to take anything but a condescending tone you must first establish that you are on equal levels. Questioning someone's character without condescension requires conversation not lecture. So no that question isn't >leaving things quite open and non-presumtuous.^[sic] You actually answer the question in the next sentence. >Maybe you aren't having as good a time as you think so you are piling on these things to make up for it. This is where things get really presumptuous. You break your terms in two ways. -This isn't reporting anger. This is angry analysis. -You said that you wouldn't make any disparaging comments, and now you're suggesting that OP's social life is so unfulfilling that he must mask it with massive alcohol intake. You close the question. It shows what you think the answer is. Remember that you're angry. Everything is read in that angry voice. So you don't sound sympathetic. You sound accusatory. Like you know better than him. Just saying > But whatever the reason, doesn't open the question back up. It dismisses all other answers. You are saying that the reason could be anything; the reason doesn't matter; his answer doesn't matter. Worst of all it ruins the rest of the sentence. >and without knowing you at all, I felt a certain sadness thinking that you could die. That's fucking potent. That hits. That's phenomenal. That is exactly the tone you need to carry throughout. You are angry and sad and you don't even know him. It's a rush of emotion. It's intensely personal and yet so distant. And then you follow up with: >I think that made me angry. And you put that little space in just for pause and that's great. It brings out the distance. It slows the read. It separates this idea. It would be this great point to end on. You bring it back to the beginning. You use the vague 'that' which again highlights the distance by specifically not addressing OP. It could have been such a strong ending. But then you keep going. >I think I don't know you but still find this compelling, let me say. You sound presumptuous when you lose the distance. 'I think I don't know you' suggests that you have doubts about not knowing him. It suggests that you might have some ideas about him. The rest of the sentence isn't bad it's just vague and rambly. Of course you find it compelling. You're angry. It compels you to be. Then you end on perhaps the most condescending and presumptuous note you could: moral instruction. >Please just stop this stuff. You are making a direct request of him to change his lifestyle after reading a couple paragraphs he posted online. Remember that you are angry. This is an angry request. It's a borderline demand. The phrase 'this stuff' suggests that alcohol and weed are so bad that you can't even name them. You've created a different kind of full circle ending. The beginning of the comment promised reporting without disparaging remarks. Here you instruct in a disparaging manner. You sound condescending and presumptuous. I can expand/clarify any parts that are vague if you want me to. I don't have time to do this for the second comment right now, but I can come back to it later if you still don't believe me. TL;DR ravia sounds presumptuous. edit: fixed quote ravia: Heh. You're silly. There are various elements of presumption precisely because its such an anonymous medium. I just say "please stop this stuff" in a general direction precisely because I can't possibly tell him what to do. I'm taking the stance: oh my, that got pretty fucked up, please stop that! Or better maybe: please consider stopping that! With an exclamation point. Shouted truly from afar. The "borderline demand" thing is interesting. Again: consider the medium. I am in no position to demand anything!!! (three exclamation points!) I very deliberately reported the anger because it was a real feeling I had, so by going with that, it had the advantage of having a certain "truth comportment" function: it would ring true because it was true: it made me angry. I think you aren't getting the spirit of the "please stop that stuff!" at all. Especially with the please. You could see in such a setting someone say: "You must stop that stuff at once!!" If you read that as a kind of "order", I think you'd be missing the mark, unless it's really strangely backed up with something or other. I'd expect the other in such a situation to say "well, I'd like to, but I keep getting into it!" Then the first, who was just using some drama, might say, "oh my...well....how could you change this if you really wanted to?" In other words, you're just over-projecting into this, or else, what I said left it too ambiguous and open to this other range of possible meanings, which, while possible, I think on the whole really don't ring out nearly as much as you think. Do you have an agenda? "I think I don't know you" is just a very honest "precipitation": like rain, it just grows out of the clouds of this setting. I don't know him. I realize that! Alcohol and weed being so bad? Well that's taking it all bit too far. Here you are projecting. You're pretty definitely projecting the disparraging part. I'd be just as inclined to say: OK, here's an idea: Only 2 drinks and to 1 joint!!!! Multiple exclamation points. Why? Because it's all a bit pretend as I am in no real position to do much more than conjecture and react, that is all. That would *presume* we were thinking of ideas for strategies for "more effective partying", which the OP wasn't exactly asking for. I wouldn't go that far into that at that point. I'd just say: please stop this stuff! (meaning the horrible binge part, which I think is obvious...but ....maybe not) I'd be curious to see how he read it. Roilvn: I went out and drank. Now I am 6'2" and 250lbs. So I am not small by any means. I do not have to go out. Most of the time i don't. Honestly I go out drinking maybe once a month. Now that being said I do live in a college town. When I woke up, I ran into work, Worked my shift, came one, and first thing i did was move my pills out of my room and put them in the bathroom so that this cannot happen so easily again. But I do thank you Ravia. Anger is a powerful emotion, and same to you yeaup. You helped me take a part his words and read it easier. I did not expect so much posting over a really really really dumb night. ravia: Do you know how many times I've picked "you" up in my taxi? Smart move on the pills thing. Anger is powerful....Well sometimes, with some people. But as you may realize, I just reported it and didn't want to actually hurl anything at you. After all, it was a TIFU admission, not some story in which you didn't see that there was a problem in the situation. That is actually another dimension of this that conditioned my response. When you say "you helped me take apart his words and read it easier", are yoiu refering to yeaup? I'm asking this because I'm genuinely interested in whether you read my comment as "presumptuous" or even nasty or something, which it wasn't meant to be.

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sadi89: TIFU On Thursday (in this case TIFU stands for Thursday I Fucked Up) I was feeling low. I had lost my university card which give me access to my dorm and more importantly food. I was also low on cash. I bought a sandwich for lunch at noon and ate half of it then and saved the other half for dinner. Dinner time roles around (about 8:30 pm) so i take my sandwich up to my friends room a long with a large quantity of wine, not intending to drink all of it. I start drinking on my way up the stairs. I get to my friends room see that she's asleep and since I can't talk to her about how shitty I feel I decide the next best thing would be to drink more. At this point I am drinking on an empty stomach, while on meds that increase the effects of alcohol, and I have blood sugar issues (when it gets low I want to kill myself). Within five minutes all the wine is gone...so I decide the best thing to do is not to eat my sandwich but rather, down a beer that I'd been keeping my friends fridge. When I find that I am suddenly out of alcohol I decide it's time to get more wine from my room which is down two flights of stairs. So I stubble down the stairs while on the phone with one of my friends. Once in my room I take off my shirt and sit down so I can continue telling phone friend about how much I enjoyed having anal sex with him. When I look down I see that my boobs are covered in blood. My nose was bleeding. So I hang up the phone, get more wine and go back to my friends room shirtless and covered in blood. I mange to drink about half of my remaining supply before my friend wakes up and takes me to the bathroom to clean me up. In the bathroom I roll on the floor (still shirtless) and tell everyone I see that I'm sorry for being so drunk and that I hate myself. As I slowly sober up it becomes apparent that I got blood on absolutely everything. When I woke up the next morning I was wayyy too hung over to go to my favorite class. TL;DR: Got super drunk, got a nose bleed, got blood all over EVERYTHING and ran around my dorm in just my bra telling absolutely everyone that I hate myself SwimmingNaked: You know that stuff about "dick" and "crazy"? This is the "crazy". Get yourself in order. You clearly have issues that you need to deal with, and probably need help to get there. sadi89: hahaha. but seriously, this is actually pretty low on the crazy totem pole. the kind that really needs to be avoided is the kind that is manipulative, controlling, and will do things like trying to get her guy friend (who she swears she's not interested in) to hook up with her drunk lesbian friend instead of the girl he came to visit (who crazy happens not to like). That is crazy. Zamiel: No offense but so is thinking "Hmm. I am on medication, haven't eaten much today, and will now drink some alcohol very quickly. Then forget that I am bleeding everywhere and stumble around without a shirt on." Granted you didn't set out to do that but the fact that it happened simple because you had a minorly, shitty day is what sets off the crazy detector. sadi89: It wasn't just a minorly shitty day, it was actually rock bottom in a depression cycle. The next morning when I woke up I was able to be take a look and be like "what the fuck? ok, you don't have that much time left here, you can do this. make an appointment with counselling services because this isn't healthy behavior. You will be fine, you will get a job when you graduate in 4 weeks." I also go to a high stress, high pressure, high strung institution of higher learning. I'm also in a single sex dorm so running around without a shirt on, or without pants on isn't that uncommon. Zamiel: Ah. Well good for you regarding both of those things then.

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[deleted]: TIFU and lost a 75 cent promotion at work. Yesterday I got offered the Key Carrier promotion at work (gas station) which includes a guaranteed 35 hour week and 8.50 an hour pay rate. I could have moved out of my parents house and started my own life but it required a drug test which I couldn't pass (marijuana). Long story short, I turned down the offer to keep my job and am now drunk. **Edit:** I also rage quit smoking after the fact. cooltom2006: serves u right for doing drugs!!!!!! cooltom2006: I will not delete this comment despite the bad karma, fuck drug users! (legal pharmaceutical drugs, alcohol and caffeine excluded, but not tobacco) [deleted]: Well, looks like someone is 12. cooltom2006: Or someone is a respectable human working his arse off at uni to get a respectable job at the end of it [deleted]: You can smoke weed once in awhile and still be a respectable worker. Just so you know. cooltom2006: not if you want a 75 cent promotion! [deleted]: Already got it. cooltom2006: well nicely done, I hope you're alteast not smoking it all the time. Are you from the US btw, it seems that people over there have much more relaxed views on illegal drugs. (compared to the UK) [deleted]: Thank you, and no I don't smoke all the time, maybe twice a month. And yes, I am from the US. Most people here don't really care about marijuana as an illegal drug. cooltom2006: well i guess thats ok, ive never tried it so dont really know. Although probably the most popular illegal drug in the UK, it still isn't really widely used - heck i didnt even know there was a 'stoner's day' on april 20th (correct date?), nor did my friends. Pinkachu: So you hate drug users but it have not bothered to do your research on the user or the drug? And then you stereotype the opinions based on country? Dude how can you do every single one of those things and not think for a second "man maybe my logic is flawed and I as a person should try to educate myself for the better" ?????

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HeadxDMC: TIFU: I joined a sub that I thought would be funny anecdotes about FML experiences PretendCasual: Let's be honest... This sub is awful. I thought it would be funny too but its not about fucking up its about failing epic_comebacks: I blame the mods. canipaybycheck: Do you have any suggestions about how to improve it? Or are you satisfied with just complaining? epic_comebacks: Yup. They messaged me.

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[deleted]: TIFU I punched someone and broke my hand. I have this friend seems to have some kind of inferiority complex, he has a need to show dominance towards everybody else, which isn't hard considering he weighs 50 kg more than everybody else with a matching height. Well he started punching people and after I had asked him to stop several times with no luck, I punched him as hard as I could, hurting only myself. Found out after about 12 hours of pain in my hand that it was broken. Bright side:he stopped. Salva_Veritate: Your day is going to get slightly better when my story one-ups yours. In my fraternity, there's a quiet-ish Filipino dude and a butt-ugly, racist, rail-thin idiot with a Napoleon complex. The friendly Filipino mentions to a girl in our common room that he doesn't like it when people call him by the racial slur "flip", and he lets only a few people call him that. Skinny idiot happens to pass by and overhears this. I imagine he was wetting his pants in excitement over the wealth of future opportunities to demean the friendly Filipino. Over the course of the week, skinny idiot drops the f-bomb to the friendly Filipino five or six times, and each the friendly Filipino warns him to shut up or things may get physical in the future. Saturday is a parents and alumni event day. Skinny idiot and his parents are chatting with the alumni advisor in the common room. Friendly Filipino walks into the room and sits down to watch TV. Skinny idiot says, "well, if it isn't the flip!" Friendly Filipino flips the fuck out (sorry), tackles skinny idiot, and punches him in the face several times, breaking his glasses in front of his parents. Skinny idiot's dad has to pull friendly Filipino off of him. Skinny idiot gets super pissed and storms upstairs holding the remains of his glasses in one hand. When he rounds the corner and goes halfway up the stairwell, he socks the cork board we have set up for chores. This breaks his hand. Let me reiterate: he punches a cork board and breaks his hand. Friendly Filipino ends up feeling really bad about it, but everyone else shakes his hand and thanks him because nobody likes skinny idiot. The punishment: friendly Filipino has to cover the cost of skinny idiot's new glasses and publicly apologize to the chapter. We end up kicking skinny idiot out within the semester because he won't stop being an insufferable dumbass, and friendly Filipino gets an executive board position. **tl;dr - Racist skinny idiot is racist one too many times and gets beaten up by the house's quiet kid in front of skinny idiot's parents. Moments later, "I Fought The Wall (And The Wall Won)" becomes skinny idiot's new theme song as he breaks his hand punching a cork board in anger.** im_tw1g: Serves him right, nerdy racist prick seems like a massive faggot. -skinny white kid Salva_Veritate: No, he is. He also thinks he can attract women solely with the guitar. Like, literally, I think his brain goes "i own a guitar im gonna fuck some vaginas". Problem: he has to play it well. It took me 8 minutes to realize he was playing "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida". His parents are wealthy somehow and they buy him a new guitar every Christmas and birthday, yet he's still fucking terrible at it. I always feel the need to contact Guinness to see if he holds the record for number of guitars to talent ratio. im_tw1g: I feel sorry for friendly Fillipino guy, and pretty much everyone else who knows this kid.

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lacabra: TIFU and screwed up an application really important to my girlfriend. Today my girlfriend asked me to edit her application essay for a major business case competition. I edited it but in the essay included a comment about her being diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (which she wasn't; I was just being immature). I assumed she'd read through it and find it, but instead she just submitted it right away. Now she's ridiculously upset and crying like anything. This competition is extremely important to her, and what's worse is that she's competed in it this year and already knows the people in charge of it. [deleted]: Well. I guess there is nothing good to say this time... EDIT: How about "That was a *Shitty* day!" That also was a crap joke :/ yeaup: Yeah it sounded like you pulled it out of your ass. Nixot: yeah he plopably did.

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MikeOxbigg: TIFU: I killed a rabbit with poor marksmanship. My uncle out in Fayetteville, Arkansas invited me to go deer hunting with him pretty soon and so today I thought I would mentally prepare myself, having never killed an animal intentionally before. I loaded up with my holster and CO2 powered BB pistol, and took to the neighborhood bike path to hunt some game. I saw a rabbit maybe 20-25 yards away, and blasted in its direction. The initial shot went wide because of the hop, but the rabbit only made a small move towards the wall of brush that was its' escape. I adjusted for the hop and shot again. This time it leapt up into the air and kinda stumbled into the brush. I approached cautiously, not knowing if any of his friends might be around. I came upon the poor guy writhing on the edge of the brush. I didn't want to get too close cause I felt bad, and he kept looking me in the eye making me feel worse. I probably capped him three or four more times with him still being alive before I worked up the testicular fortitude to go and put two in his head. TL;DR: Today I fucked up by killing an innocent rabbit, not in an efficient manner. [deleted]: Hunters don't deserve life. I hope you get shot too. TheRealJasonBourne: And why exactly is that? As a hunter, I find this seriously offensive. [deleted]: You have no respect for life, I don't have respect for you. ChaoticDitto: Are you a vegetarian? [deleted]: Yes. Oh and btw, killing for fun and killing for food are two different things, if that's your point. TheRealJasonBourne: For clarification, I seriously dislike people who hunt for fun. That's just not cool

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Meme666: TIFU: I ate black mold I was eating some cinnamon raisin toast when I ate a funny tasting raisin. I didnt think much of it until a few hours later when I looked at the package. Turns out that it was just plain cinnamon toast and I wasn't wearing my glasses to tell the difference between a raisin and a huge spot of black mold... I've been feeling feverish all day... I_POTATO_PEOPLE: Doctor here. Unless you are immunodeficient (chemotherapy, AIDS, etc), it's nothing to worry about. I wouldn't make a habit of eating mold, but you'll be fine. Arterra: thank you Potato Person, your advice is legit. Psychological-Bed852: What about if you develop chest pain and feel feverish and feel a shortness of breath? Arterra: Who the hell thought it was a good idea allowing replies to literally decade old posts centuon: Funny to see two comments posted today, 9 years on. U guys ate mould too? I been drinking it for weeks lol

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[deleted]: TIFU while running from a spider Walked into bathroom and was about to sit down on the toilet when my eyes adjusted and a huge freaking spider came into focus hanging from a web right in front of me, inches from my face. I did a spaz dance running out of the bathroom and smacked my knee on the corner of the wall. I immediately fell on the floor screaming in agony. For a few minutes I thought maybe I had shattered my knee cap. Right now I am sitting on the couch icing the lump on my knee, still in pain while the spider is somewhere in the bathroom plotting his next attack. [deleted]: lol reminds me once of when I felt a tingling on the back of my knee in bed one night. I scratched at it, didn't feel anything, and then suddenly I got bit hard by what I think was a spider and of course, my tired mind imagined it to be a HUGE spider (which I never ended up finding). I leapt out of bed, and for what seemed like at least a minute (probably only a few seconds IRL) I could not get my feet under me, it was like a scooby doo cartoon where shaggy is running but going nowhere. I kept scrambling to stand up, but I ended up falling to my knees and against the wall. VVont: I have a pretty bad phobia of spiders. almost every night i see a huge spider dangling from the ceiling about to fall on me, or a spider on the corner of my bed. Sadly i freak out every time because it looks so real, but I'm half asleep, imagining them... [deleted]: oh man that would be awful, I'm glad that doesn't happen to me, but I really feel for you there!

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ejtheman123: My brain decided to replace race with species. Muthafuxajones: I've done the same shit. I do it on purpose though. most of the black kids at my school never take an argument anywhere anyways. I like to take that advantage to be an asshole [deleted]: I go to a basically brand new school. So all the failing schools sent there kids to this one. Holy shit i hate it. They all sag, wear beats, talk in a different form of English, worry about swag more then their future. Im just like holy shit. My best friend is black so im not racist. I just hate ghetto people point blank. Muthafuxajones: Haha you just described every single kid at my school. The kids there are so quick to pull the race card on everything... [deleted]: I'm going to bring in a bucket of KFC, some water melon, and kool-aid for lunch. I want to see how many kids call me racist. What i cant have a normal lunch?

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ejtheman123: TIFU- My brain decided to go racist. I was in American History class. My class is mainly black kids, and I am Hispanic. Everyone was talking in class and pissing me off before i gave my speech/presentation on a project i did. It some how ended up in a racial debate. A Black kid said "Why are most blacks thought to be thief's, and gang banger?" I answered with this (What i thought i said "Well, its a stereotype of your race, as there are ones about mine.") Instead i said "Well, its a stereotype of your species..." And right there, everyone (black) in my class stood up and started yelling call me a racist, i was trying to explain what happened. Now when ever i go into that class i don't say shit, i don't feel like getting jumped anytime soon. TLDR; I accidentally said something racist in front of a group of black kids. (Some are pretty ghetto.) Edit: For those who say I AM a Racist I am not. The comments below are joking about THIS group of people. Not the entire race of people. I have friends who are different "Colors" not just black, I speak with people of different "Colors". I have no problem with people of different "Colors". Its the way people ACT that I have a problem with. P_and_90: Are you the only one that's not black? [deleted]: I have two to three other non black kids in my class. HazelNutBalls: What did they say? [deleted]: I have that class tomorrow I'll update when I have it HazelNutBalls: Cool, wish you the best! [deleted]: I probably wont group up with them. Just because i dont understand how to talk to someone when all i hear is"lul lemme fuk a neggah up 2 nite yo, finna beastin with jayqwanna heh fuk deh poliez" yeaup: I think that you might just be actually racist. [deleted]: My best friend is black, so its only the ghetto kids i have a problem with. The ones who act educated and care about where they are going to go in life are the ones who i stick with. yeaup: First off I never trust an argument that starts with "my ______ is black." That aside I don't think that you think of yourself as racist or intentionally act racist, but there is some underlying racism how you phrase things and when you explain how you think. At the very least there is definite classism that is linked to racial identities. [deleted]: When i phrase things, in this area i would point out who i was targeted by and what i think of them. When i say i cant understand half of them, i don't mean every single person like them. When i call them ghetto i don't mean everyone is ghetto. See what im saying? Im saying that group of people is who i targeted. I joke about them, not the whole "Race" them selves. I was born into racism, ever since 5th grade i was bullied because i was different. Im not going into a sob story. But i will sum it up saying, this group of people, not everyone, but that group are the reason i target with the jokes, stereotypes ect.

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Megan_Bee: TIFU- sent a picture of my boobs to the wrong person. I was messing around with the webcam on my new laptop for the first time and I thought it would be cute/funny to take a picture of my boobs and send it to my boyfriend as a test picture. So I took the picture and sent him a facebook message with the caption "bewbz lol". Then I had a heart attack as I realized I sent the photo to a different guy who I hadn't spoken to in months. Awkwardness ensued. nashgasm: i gotta say, props to op and op's boyfriend. this could have turned into an argument for many, but such acceptance is heartening. also, what a considerate way of testing out your new camera. http://i.imgur.com/JApxk.gif Megan_Bee: Thanks! :) nashgasm: no problemo, i am always supportive of wonderfully considerate gfs. Nightshade3312: Why can't I find a wonderfully considerate girlfriend? I may be cursed... nashgasm: there are several options. you may live in an area where there are no girls. you may not be looking at the right girls. you may have friendzoned her. you may not be lucky. one thing is for sure though, you sure arent gettin lucky. http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpovvbrSxg1qbmf8z.gif Nightshade3312: Such a well thought out and considerate reply! Aww! I think its a combination. I am living in an area were only evil girls live... nashgasm: sometimes though, sometimes those are the best ones. evil girls are still people, and because of their evil they need a close friend to depend on and confide in. in addition, all women are evil, and all men are at best chaotic. so, it works. evil doesnt have that much to do with being considerate of your cohorts after all. even the most evil made sure to generally treat their valued ones well. Nightshade3312: Yeah, the one problem with (at least my run-ins with) evil is that the relationship is great for a little while, but then they get their fill of feeding off me then move onto someone else. You're saying I should cut them off before they bleed me dry? nashgasm: not at all. i am saying be open and adult about em. if you see a mutual ending to a relationship, and want to save it, find a way to bring it up. discuss how they have changed as people, and how you have, with coinciding needs and wants. if there are possibilities to work on the problem, then excellent, situation gets better, if there arent possibilities, it lets you and her end the relationship more amicably (generally) and sooner, better for both parties since then you can both move forward rather than one beginning to move forward and leading the other onward still. also, take things one day at a time, dont get ahead, and dont get left behind. let a relationship happen rather than looking to expectations, that way its a realistic progression rather than setting up a bar your partner may or may not be interested in meeting. Nightshade3312: I don't think I would have wanted a relationship after the way (both of my ex's) ended it. But good advice if I ever meet a non-evil woman! nashgasm: that is a compliment i live for. all i want to do is help and all i can do is offer my take, generally hoping its relatively reasonable or understandable. i like this kind of thing, so if you have any other questions or issues, let me know. Nightshade3312: Go get your doctorate in being a shrink or something haha nashgasm: well, i mean, i am a political scientist and history major graduated relatively recently, both my parents are shrinks, and some of my family. i like helping people, i like being able to use my own experience in making people feel better and have better lives, but i dont think i would want to get /paid/ for it, that would make me feel bad. we should all do what we can to help others if its within our power. expecting a payment in exchange for making someone feel better about their lives is... not my style. Nightshade3312: Hey man righteous, do what feels right to you. nashgasm: thanks. if you need help, lemme know. pzbogo: wow reddit actaully gives good relationship advice Faith in Humanity Restored nashgasm: woah, talk about bringing back a comment from the grave. i am frankly surprised and amazed that someone was reading this far back into the comments and followed this particular thread among nearly two hundred comments. add into that that you took the effort to give out a compliment? jeeze, you made my night better and let me think about how there are people out there who read, who learn, and who like to let others know. you seriously made my night much better than it was previously, and i thank you for that. seeing as how you are on this particular thread, is there a reason behind reading such depressing relationship issues or just browsing through? if you need anything, let me know and maybe we could talk it out. pzbogo: honestly i just saw you two commenting back and forth and couldnt believe this was happening in a thread like this nashgasm: well, it actually happens more than a person normally expects, i have come to realize. people get together and talk and... sometimes its just good.

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Culumon: TIFU:Hurt a girl unintenionaly because of brain-blank(xpost from r/askreddit) I am sorry for posting it under TIFU because it technically happened yestarday Soo I am sorry in advance for wall of text and in case this is the wrong subreddt I am sorry too. I just dont know what to do. I fucked up big time and have no one to ask for advice so I am asking people from all over the world: So I am currently trying to recover from a stupid break up(lasted nearly 5 years). On monday I went out with a couple of friends and they brought along this guy, call him Peter. We kinda talked the whole evening since he seemed a little down (one of my friends is his ex,call her Mary) we talked a lot and that evening we all went to a friends house, Maries now-boyfriend. We had some more talk, ate stuff and actually it was ok if not for the fact, even thou mary invited peter (he lives abou 60 km away) she didnt think about where he should sleep and also they(Mary and her bf) started hitting it off while we were still kinda in the room so I suggested that Peter just comes over to my place since a have a couch he could sleep on and he wouldnt have to deal with all that stuff. We went over to me and basically spent the whole time with more talking where he told me about his relationship with Mary, and that there is this other girl(call her Lucy) who likes him and it kinda didnt work out between them and stuffs like that. Fast forward to next day: went out to get some food, talked some more including stuff about Lucy and he didnt wann go to the place where our usual friends meet(some park around here) and went home. I went to the park, met a couple of friends including a girl I am good friends with and started talking to her about stuff that happened the last couple of days(including Peter). Then Lucy joined us, I asked her what was up with all the rumors about her and why everyone was hating on her. I didnt mean anything bad but just wanted to understand why because I like her. Shes nice. Well we talked a little and I went back to the conversation with my friend. I kept telling her how cute I think Peter is and stuff like that. My mind just COMPLETELY BLANKED on the fact that shes in love with him and I feel horrible today. I could kick my own arse for that. Today I got a message from him telling me to please stay away from lucy AND him. He didnt go with me to that park because he didnt want bring chaos in Lucies feelings and now I completely screwed everything over and he thinks I did that on purpose just to rub it in her face. I didnt. I just really really blanked in my head. Reddit what should I do/ say? How do I get out of this situation without being the douche that I seem to be to everyone? **TL;DR: Talked about a boy in front of a girl that is in love with him without realizing it and now I am told to stay away from both !** EDIT:some minor stuff nuxenolith: Two words: paragraph formatting. You should also know that possession is not "Maries"; it's "Mary's". You *always* use **'s** for singular possession. TL;DR Culumon: well since I am not native english I appreciate your help. Also thats kind of how we learned posession. How do I make a better TL;DR? nuxenolith: Well, first off, people here don't like to read girl problems. Second, the story isn't that interesting. Third, your friends sound *really* sensitive. Fourth, separate the story into paragraphs. (When the writing shifts focus, start a new paragraph.) Fifth, it would help to call "short" by its typical name (TL;DR) and put space above it. TL;DR: Like this. Culumon: Oo I just tried to paragraph stuff and it friggin didnt work. am i supposed to use HTML codes or what? nuxenolith: Hit "Enter" twice. Two returns, not one.

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[deleted]: TIFU - I got food delivered, and forgot I ordered a drink, I walked away without said drink To be fair, it did take 2 hours for them to deliver the food A_Bandit_Chief: Was it worth the wait? If it takes more then 60 minutes to get my food, I'm out. [deleted]: not really. I'm never ordering from that place again.

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p53angel: tifu: I got evicted. So, this isn't half as dramatic as some of these posts, but it really feels awful to me, especially since this is only the second apartment I've leased. So I have a dog, I've had her since I was ten, and I'm now in college, so she's older. I worry about her so much b/c she means the world to me. I'm not allowed to have a dog as per my lease-- only cats. I feel so embarrassed to say that I was evicted for having a dog, because it seems like an immature breach of contract. However, if she died at my parents house with me away, I would never forgive myself. I already know that when she does go, I will probably fall apart. tl/dr: evicted because I own a dog. I now have to move out a week before finals. yay. Libertae: You also fucked up by ruining the consistent TIFU title formatting. Edit: But seriously I feel for you. Some rules you just have to break. p53angel: Did I really? brilliant. :( Libertae: No worries. That's what this place is all about! yeaup: Yeah while most of reddit consumes upvotes, we feed on sadness here. This is why Libertae first hit you while your down, then lifted you back up. Now you're ready to be cut down again. And I know just the thing to say, homeless bitch. Now feast!

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[deleted]: TIFU: My soup killed my laptop. About 15-20 minutes ago, I decided I was hungry. I went to the kitchen (with my laptop; I was reading an article) and grabbed a can of soup that had one of those pull tab thingies. When trying to open the can, I broke the tab off. So for about five minutes I hacked at the can with the can opener, tugging at the lid every few moments to see if I had made progress. When I thought I had got it, I pulled the lid (which was hanging by a piece of metal) off, and in doing so, broth splashed all over my keyboard. I freaked out and attempted to wipe it off, but the laptop had shut down. It won't turn back on, and I've cleaned it to the best of my ability. Now I guess I'll have to play the waiting game. asnof: Put it in a bowl of rice for 24-48 hours, if youre lucky the rice will soak up the moisture. [deleted]: my friend did this with a smartphone he dropped in the lake. he was able to quickly shut his cell phone off though, and removed the battery immediately. If you're going to try the rice, don't keep taking it out to try it to see if it works, just leave it in there for a few days and make sure the battery has been pulled.

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QuantumScience: TIFU - I lost my fapsock I fapped after a week long vacation, so I ejaculated like 3x the amount than normal. Used my month old fapsock that I have been hiding under my bed. The next day I wanted to use it, but it's nowhere to be found! Only to find it my dirty laundry, still moist, with a horrendous smell. ಠ\_ಠ I have no idea who found it. BabyFetusMuncher: At least it wasn't a cumbox IglooBuds: Ah the cumbox. Good times. armaniac: I feel like I missed out on something crazy... kast13: Did you ever! It was horrible and yet so deeply interesting at the same time. It could not be killed by fire! Jason133: And it stayed alive for more than 3 years, far longer than the average lifespan of a cumbox. ModestCamel: Out of curiosity, what is the average lifespan of a cumbox? [deleted]: The same as that of a Toyota Hilux

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Jimbosilky: TIFU: I started a new Pokemon game a week before my exams. Revision? Ha. DSpire: which game and what's your team? Jimbosilky: Thought I'd give Pokemon White a go! (to those interested) Lampent Lilligant Siesmitoad(sp?) Archeops Duosion Elektrik All around level 40 :) Must say though.. They are seriously running out of ideas.. DSpire: Nice, I'm using Chandelure and Reuniclus in a hack of Black right now. I liked both of those so far, but it does seem like they're running low on ideas. zuzah: There's like 10.000 Pókemon currently in existance. I think it hits a point of diminishing return with what you can really come up with. BroBuzz: There's 650ish pokemon, not 10,000. And any competitive battler makes your logic invalid. zuzah: Still. You can only come up with so many uniques. BroBuzz: Obviously not every Pokemon can be unique. Still, I'd say something like [this](http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/thumb/8/8d/643Reshiram.png/210px-643Reshiram.png) is more unique than [this](http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/media/upload/thumb/2/24/103Exeggutor.png/190px-103Exeggutor.png) Libertae: I draw the line at Crystal. Anything after is blasphemy propagated by false Pokemon prophets. BroBuzz: lol

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fuckupALLthechoices: TIFU... Moved into a new place with two female friends. Proceeded to go out on the town, and hook up with of them. Apparently she has a BF, and he apparently lives in her room with her. I'm a dude. Moved out of my place. My female friend says she has a room open in her house, and she lives with one other female. I say hell, why not. Day we move in, we go out drinking in downtown for fun. Get back to the house hours later and drunk. Her and I somehow end up in my bed making out, yada yada. She gets a text saying her BF is going to be home in 10min. WTF. I was like okay, shit, close call. I soon come to realize over the next couple days that the dude lives with us... Now I'm stuck living and interacting daily with some dude who I just home-wrecked. Not sure if he knows, or if it will eventually come out. Going to be a long couple months living here... [deleted]: You didn't know she even had a bf beforehand tho? She should be the one writing the TIFU, you just got caught in a shitty situation. nashgasm: Pretty much this. also, if its truly wrecked the relationship, she is the one gonna do the explaining, and you can help pick up the pieces considering how your involved, expecially if you have an interest. she may or may not have an interest in you, and it could have just been a forgettable legitimate fuckup rather than a homewrecking issue. if she says nothing and wants to forget about it, then forget about it. the ball is literally in her court.

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MrCassowary: TIFU: Old man turns out to be boyfriend, not dad... I work as a bartender on a cruise ship. A young woman started talking to me and I asked who she was there with, to which she points between a young guy and an older man (maybe late 50s) and says "My boyfriend". She walks up to the bar again later with the young guy and to have a laugh I said: "Oh I thought you were with the really old guy" "I am with the really old guy" *Awkward moment with her uncomfortable and me in stitches* Benders_brick: So... how did you fuck up? Was this young woman your boss or something or is this just something you could get free internet points with? tehsloth: its a self post dipshit Benders_brick: Nice constructive response. Just sit there and be quiet, alone, with your low self-esteem. If you get a bit angry, spar with your heavy bag, that way at least you'll be convincing yourself you're more than just an internet tough guy. You self loathing homosexual. tehsloth: You got me big guy, have a wonderful day! Benders_brick: Thanks, you have yourself a good day too

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[deleted]: TIFU: I threw a dart at my teachers head So I was in a free period (because our class finished maths early), and I got bored and decided to make a paper dart (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT4Vax8Gz4s). I messed around with it a bit and then one of my friends asked to play with it, so I took aim and tried throwing it to the side of him so the dart didn't hit him. I threw it. It went out of control and hurdled towards her head, boom (exaggerated sound effects)... straight in to my teachers temple. She sent me out for half of the lesson and I thought that was pretty lucky considering it made her bleed. So what about you, have you ever hurt/physically harmed a teacher accidentally? jackowe: i threw a gummi bear that accidentally hit a teacher, got suspended for 2 days for it. Also, this one kid threw a glass stirring rod at his science teacher and hospitalised her, he also got suspended for two days. So basically my school thinks a gummi bear = glass stirring rod. ChaoticDitto: If I was a teacher I wouldn't suspend a kid for hitting me with a gummi bear. I'd just take the bag of gummi bears and have me a mid class snack.

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SalemWolf: Sounded like you quit. The way you worded it was misleading, and though I opt out of standing by my original point (and admit I was wrong), I agree with commandx that you are the master of your own demise. So, yeah, you fucked up...but it's your own fault. Verikman2: You (and your ilk) are the reason that people hate their jobs. I know people that get fired because their ass-clown bosses are having a bad day. SalemWolf: Yep. I'm the sole reason people hate their jobs. You are so right. Have a great day! Edit: I just wanted to say how glad I am you figured me out so well with one reply. You are a master of your craft my friend! I hope that stick expels itself from your colon soon! Verikman2: Glad to be of service. Great day currently in progress. Stick making it's way further up the digestive tract. SalemWolf: Haha. Nice one, sorry first impressions went sour. But have a good day regardless.

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graziano8852: TIFU: I had anal sex with a girl who turned out to be my cousin NSFW I was at the local fair by my house when my friend introduced me to some chick will just call her Amy. We really hit it off and hung out everyday for a week straight. We had a ton of the same interest and our senses of humor were very similar. One night after the movies we went back to her place and we just started going at it like animals. She was afraid to do anything vaginally because she was still a virgin so she told me to put it in her ass and i am not going to lie i tore that ass up for over an hour. We ended up passing out after that and when i was leaving the house I noticed a picture of one of my great uncles on the nightstand. Confused i asked why she had a picture of my uncle and she responded with saying that was her uncle. It then hit us both that our families had split up a generation back and she was my cousin... what turned out to be a great night ended in a horrible realization. We both were speechless at this discovery, she just looked at me with a horrified expression and darted back into her room. I quickly headed out the front door and dashed for my car. Its been two days and i still do not know what to say to her. TL;DR Ended up having anal sex with my cousin due to our families splitting up a generation ago and both of us not knowing we were related. bohogirl1: is it such a big deal just because you are cousins? you had never met, you won't be having kids and i just don't understand the taboo. graziano8852: So its not wrong im still incredibly attracted to her..? :( wheresmyhouse: It's not the attraction that's wrong. It would be your behavior. More importantly your behavior now that you know you're cousins. People can't really be held responsible for their emotions, but they can for not controlling their behavior. If you decide to actively pursue a relationship with someone you know you're related to, that would be wrong. You can't help the attraction. The attraction itself isn't wrong. Actively pursuing a relationship would be. tedchorlyone: Why is the behavior wrong again? wheresmyhouse: Having sex with your cousin? Though I wouldn't practice it, I personally see nothing wrong with it if you use protection, but society takes a different approach to the matter. leicanthrope: Why not? It's worked pretty well for most of the ruling houses of Europe for the last 1000 years or so. Yeah, there's the funky Hapsburg jawline and a spot of hemophilia in the Romanovs, but apart from that... wheresmyhouse: You'd have to ask society for the answer to that question. macfergusson: Incest is with someone directly related to you. Cousins don't qualify. It's just "weird", not wrong or immoral or illegal.

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ragefrox: tifu, now most of my workplace knows I'm sleeping with my boss' boss. And how I am in bed. So, I've had a bit of an arrangement with one of the higher ups from my company for a while now. Basically a back up plan if neither of us gets lucky on a Saturday night kind of thing. There had been some rumors going around work about us, but no one thought it was anything more than a bad one-night stand. That changed today when a coworker(who is a total asshole) overheard us doing some pretty dirty flirting on break. Not only did he hear about the sex, he also heard ABOUT the sex. Needless to say, it spread around pretty quick. ImNotElric: just hope you guys don't get fired or anything, its.not like you're not adults or anything but yeah, people are nosy ragefrox: Naw, our company doesn't have a policy against this kind if thing, although the guy who overheard may have to go to sexual harassment classes because if the way he handled things [deleted]: Serves him right

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LevelUpLeo: TIFU; got to work late because I missed two buses and deleted an e-mail from a boss So I was asked to work this morning. Normally I walk to work, but last night I got some Chinese food and wated to bring the leftovers to work for lunch, so opted to take the bus. So I look up the time that the bus closest bus should be passing and I go outside and wait at that time. However the bus wasn't coming. I waited 5 minutes after it should have showed before I figured that I had just missed it (maybe it was early). So, I started to walk for another bus stop. As I am walking to the next bus stop I see the bus I want to catch leaving. Seeing no point to rush, I walk to the stop hoping a different bus us coming soon. As I am waiting for the next bus, I see the bus I originally intended to take pass by (13 minutes late, might I add). I couldn't get to it by that point. The next bus I could catch only got to where I was at the time I should have been at work, so I was about 10 minutes late (which made me do my first task a little late). As I'm working my first hour, one of my coworkers mentions how I have an increased work load today, which surprises me. She mentions how an e-mail was sent and read it off to me. I check my e-mails and don't see it. Turns out, it was sent 12 hours prior and I deleted it along with a bunch of spam I got at the time. So, I had double the work load and had to stay an extra hour, which I didn't know about before then. TL;DR : Saw two buses I wanted to take pass by in front of my face. Late for work. Deleted information I would have liked to have know. But I got Chinese food. ImNotElric: I expected a more epic story, I leave dissapointed voxpupil: *I was left disappointed drone13: *I lefted disapointion was; LevelUpLeo: Disapont lefted are was me,

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[deleted]: TIFU: Was showing my car to a potential buyer only to find a surprise under the hood. Met up with a guy to show him my 3000gt a few days ago, things were going great. He showed up in a 600hp hemi charger so I knew he had the money based on how he looked/dressed, plus he told me. Popped the hood for him to start the car and let him hear it to make sure it sounded smooth. Walked up to the front of the car and lifted the hood all the way up and in the small 1 inch of metal framing that the hood rests on, was the exact opposite of willie wonka's golden ticket, a gold magnum condom wrapper. I played it off like I didn't notice it, even though he spent more time starring at the wrapper than the engine bay. Our conversation was cut short after that and he left saying he'd give me a call sometime in the next few days, and I knew he wasn't going to call. Before the incident he informed me about his church and explaining what part of town it was in, so I knew seeing that was a real turn off for him. He hasn't called me back. The only thing I can't figure out is how one of my condom wrappers ended up in the framework of my hood. Then, I got towed yesterday, and today I was with my parents getting it out of the tow yard. Of course, the lights were left on so the battery was dead. My mom pulled her altima up and I popped the hood to jump my car, and what do you know, I forgot to throw away the damn condom wrapper under the hood. So on top of not selling my car to someone who obviously had the cash ready to buy, but I had to explain to my parents how I must have been drunk because I have no idea how the wrapper ended up in my engine bay. Gentlemen, dispose of them the night of, or they always show up in the worst moments. [deleted]: Once i was having sex in my living room, I was living with roomates who weren't home. The condom broke. I pulled out, threw the busted thing on the floor, put a new one on, and continued to beat cheeks. The orgasm made me completely forget about the broken condom. Threw the new one away and dropped her off at her place. Come back home watch TV, eat some food, my fucking roomate and his girlfriend immediately notice the pink durex soaking in pussy juice lying on the floor next to my foot. She smirks blushed and then walks away giggling while he screams WHAT THE FUCK! I'm sitting there with a spoon full of cheerios in my mouth like a tard. [deleted]: Don't see why he would freak out so much really. If that was me, I would have just said "there's a condom by your foot" or something. Nothing really weird about it. NarcoticNarcosis: I think it was less a freakout than it a legitimate WTF moment TurboSS: upvote for "beat cheeks"

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spookycookies: TIFU: I've been pronouncing "Imgur" wrong for a year and was finally called out on it... [deleted]: Well, I pronounce it that way too. Don't leave us hanging, what's the legit pronounciation? spookycookies: allegedly it is IHM-JUR as in "image" [deleted]: That... makes a ton of sense. Son of a TIL. spookycookies: [I had the same reaction](http://dobrochan.ru/src/png/1102/t210768_i-know-that-feel.png)

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l0l_cabbage: TIFU:My mom found out my thumbnail folder[Android]. There were some porn ones. I told my mom that I don't know why the hell there are they and she believed me. I'm gonna delete this folder now. [deleted]: What are you, 12? [deleted]: 13. gvnk: If my son was't looking at porn at age 13, I would be worried. [deleted]: Do they know ? Serious question because I'm also 13 .. [deleted]: TIL Reddit is kids. efstajas: I AM A KID TOO (14)!11!!!! No, seriously. There are a lot of dumb young people, but the age really isn't a good indicator for matureness sometimes. jahoney: I'm 12 and what is this?

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Crazium: Today I accidentally grabbed my old spice bottle instead of my soda. I fucking sprayed it in my mouth... kinda_alone: Haha this is gold but it breaks rule one. Please repost it, having it start with TIFU. Thank you. Crazium: God damn it. Mods can't fix it? rya11111: nope .. you have to repost.

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T3HK4T: TIFU: Slammed Car Door on Leg, Fell on GF, Late for Movie, Broke Leg. I was supposed to meet my Girlfriend at her house at 7PM, to watch a movie. Knowing her, she hates when ANYBODY is late, so I watch tv, checking the time pretty much every time i remember... Its about a 20 minute drive to her house, So i planned to leave at 6:35. I check the time, 6:40. I rush out the house. Got in the car, SLAM! only to have my footish legish region in the way, Driving over there was a pain... Got there 7:10, Had to call at around 7:05, and argued with her. When I got there, I got out my car and knocked, barely keeping my balance. When the door finally opened, I lost my balance and fell, right on my girlfriend. Being 40 pounds heavier then her, That weren't easy for either of us. After probably 4-5 minutes of getting back on our feet, We get in the car, and go to the movie. The movie started at 7:20, and We got there at 7:35. When we managed to get our tickets, and go to the theater, it was 7:42, and we had missed 10-15 minutes. After the movie, I drove her home, got home, and sat on my couch, the pain in my leg, skyrocketing. I figured that it was probably sprained, Because the pain wasn't terrible. I slept funny that night, woke up with neck pain, nothing terrible. Went to the doctor this morning, Turns out it was broken. TL;DL: Slammed Car Door, Broke Leg, Drove, Argued with GF, Drove, 10-15 Min late to doctor, Drove. Anyone need any more info? Comment, I'll do the best i can. EDITS: May 8: Foot Pains are over, just the broken part is bad. The doctors said it'd be a couple months, maybe longer. Probably longer. I'd take a picture, But you'd see a cast and some bruised skin, So nothing worth picturing. I will note, that after getting home, I noticed half the skin around there was barely attached, So I pulled it off (ow) and boy, I did some serious damage. X-Rays coming in tomorrow, probably. May 18: The healing is going pretty well. Aszuul: how do you slam a car door hard enough to break your leg? also why would you slam the car door. it's not going to make it close much if any faster than normal... T3HK4T: I'm pretty strong for my weight. Also, Its a thing when your in a hurry. [deleted]: This is not as bad as that, but once I was in my buddy's truck and I got out, and shut the door. I'm not sure why or how, but the door shut perfectly.. with my finger trapped between the door and the frame in the space there. There was just enough space that I did not hurt my finger at all, but the door was locked and had actually closed right above the first joint of my index finger. My friend had a good laugh and neither of us could figure out how I did it but he had to come over and unlock the door to untrap me cuz I was totally stuck. Beefyface: I did that as a kid. Closed the door and it latched over my middle finger, breaking it and ripping open the skin. T3HK4T: I always wondered, 'I wonder, If i broke my middle finger, and it was always up... If my school would care. >:D ' But that sort of breakage is unlikely, probably.

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[deleted]: TIFU. I rubbed toothpaste all over my pubes while half asleep in the shower. ...Let me explain. I woke up early for work today, and started to get ready before I remembered I hadn't taken a shower last night like I usually do because I was too lazy. So, still not fully awake, I stumbled into the bathroom. I had seen some posts on Reddit saying how brushing your teeth in the shower saved time, so I decided now would be a good time to test it and I took my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower with me. I got out of a relationship a few weeks ago, so my pubes were starting to get a bit out of control. I noticed this and went to grab my shaving cream, but instead...I grabbed the toothpaste. Now before anyone calls me a fucking dumbass for mixing up the two, it should be noted that I use [this toothpaste](http://www.valmg.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/aquafreshdeepimpactcan.jpg), which looks and feels *a lot* like a can of shaving cream. So, I squirted some into my hand and proceeded to rub it all over my crotch. Oh my God ***the burn***. The hot water from the shower only made it worse. 16 hours later and my vagina is still recovering. ModestCamel: Well at least you're minty fresh down there now. spazmodic-: Maybe, but the real question is: *"is it whiter down there?"* maledicted: My first question was "Wonder what eating her out would taste like" elitexero: [This?](http://www.google.ca/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fCFKyDIB3ew/TnP8bqz4ugI/AAAAAAAABW0/jfk1WY07GNE/s1600/P1000856.JPG&sa=X&ei=SI2pT5z3COWC6AHO8rDUBA&ved=0CAoQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNHz08xTA2UaEq5EfvQEQ-mMP_OjLw) Justicedrummer: ...not sure what kind of pussy you've been eating. elitexero: It's a mixture of fish and paste... it was a joke about OP and toothpaste...

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Bear_in_your_attic: TIFU: Girl hints me towards sex, ended with me making joke about George Bush. She was talking about having sex with me since 7th grade, tonight was the night she asked and i accepted but she later said no because i made to many jokes about George Bush. mash3735: context? Bear_in_your_attic: Ive been friends with her since 7th grade as of now and she has always signaled me into wanting sex from that point but i try to ask her about what she wants but she just giggles and says nothing. We eventually became best friends to the point of talking about whatever we felt like an no secrets came out so she said, after many years, she always wanted to have sex and loose her virginity to me. Now awkward me tried to avoid conversation about this but it eventually came to it again and again. So i said yes and we started talking about when and where but i kept making jokes about people judging and politics9Because i was somewat political). I said that "George Bush might be watching us and record and put it on the web" (She and i are a bit self conscience) and she just got over it and said ":/,goodnight" tl;dr: She offered sex for the past couple of years, now admits it, and i ruin it with a joke. yeaup: >"George Bush might be watching us and **record and put it on the web** ಠ\_ಠ Dude this isn't about George Bush this is about you sounding like a total creep. I think that you may have said the exact wrong thing to comfort her into casual sex. Bear_in_your_attic: we have a very odd sense of humor, ive said stuff like this before without it bothering her whatsoever. [deleted]: Maybe not, or you would've been bangin' her since seventh grade. Bear_in_your_attic: i was an awkward kid up until High school Avalonis: You sound like you still ARE an awkward kid ;P Bear_in_your_attic: Ive been told, plenty of times. Then again, im pretty known around my school for that and still manage a large amount of friends.

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SlutBuster: Conservative estimates put accidental firearm deaths in the US around 600 per year (not counting children who discharge firearms, because I don't have any children). Conservative estimates by the US DOJ put the number of crimes prevented by firearms at around 55,000 per year. Just thought I'd share the statistics, since you seem to think I'm paranoid for keeping my shotgun loaded. If you're a gun owner and you don't keep a loaded firearm in your house, that's a personal decision. If you're *not* a gun owner, then you can go fuck yourself and your ignorant "people like you" bullshit. Loaded guns are only dangerous when they're pointed at people. I don't point my guns at people. [deleted]: You are using the wrong data for your argumentation. It wasn't really talk of accidental firearm death, but situations where you shoot someone when it's really not necessary. But i guess that's what americans do. SlutBuster: "Shooting someone when it's not really necessary" is too subjective to be measurable, so I'm not sure which data you would have preferred. But I'm assuming, based on your sweeping generalization of American behavior, that your understanding of US gun culture is limited to incidents that were sensational enough to make headlines overseas. If that's the case, then I'm sure you won't mind my saying that the Irish are all drunken soccer hooligans that couldn't manage a bank if their lives depended on it, the English enjoy burning down their own cities and worshipping the royal family, and France is overrun with Islamic terrorists. If your country wasn't represented in any of the stereotypes above, then by all means let me know - I can come up with more. Of course, it's not fair or accurate to judge an entire nationality based on second-hand impressions from the media, but I guess that's just what ignorant cunts like you do. [deleted]: Do Norway. I'm sorry if this seemed like an attack towards you, when it was an attack towards gun laws in the US. I wouldn't shoot anyone if I wasn't defending my life (or others), but it clearly seems like "shoot to avoid charges" is the mentality here. And even then, you can own a fucking shotgun. jassi007: In all fairness, The United States has terrible tort laws. Criminals have sued and won cases where they injured themselves breaking into someones home. So if you have a home intruder, it is almost better to kill them than scare them/wound them in that one specific regard. That is in no way is a comment on the concept of taking a life, just on the stupidity of U.S. legal system.

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xyz66: TIFU: I was wandering the house in the dark at 2am and stubbed my toe so bad that the toe nail came off completely. And to make shit worse, I made a bloody mess when trying to find a band aid. monkette: gotta picture? xyz66: No, I was too busy wrapping it in bandages to stop the bleeding, and the thought of exploiting my injury for karma never came to mind. I however could get a picture of it all bandaged up if you'd like. [deleted]: Take bandage off, take picture, put bandage back on? xyz66: I would if I had more bandages. They're cheap thrift store bandages, and I don't want to risk them not sticking back. setups: just do it!!! for science! and my entertainment! monkette: ya, come on man! Dr_fish: Yeah, SHOW US YOUR BLOODY TOE STUMP! monkette: damn him to hell, he was such a tease.

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Cutt3rs: TIFU by having a friend over. I'm not *supposed* to have friends over when my dad's at work (I *am* allowed to have them on my driveway), but we had gone inside because the bugs were attacking us. We were inside for like, 10 minutes. I guess I missed the part where my friend used the bathroom, because when my dad came home slightly earlier than usual and went to grab something from my bathroom, the toilet seat was up. I am now on "probation" and am required to send my dad a picture of where I am every hour while he's at work (8AM to 5PM). This apparently "could have been worse" as my dad *quite likes* my friend, so he's letting me off "easy". [deleted]: tl;dr: her dad is a dick. Cutt3rs: Female. Just sayin'. armaniac: You're a guy on reddit unless you state otherwise. That's just how it is. Cutt3rs: Duly noted.

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IanTheSpah: TIFU: I deleted an entire song that I had just finished recording. I had the final song and the demo next to eachother in GarageBand, and somehow I managed to click on the final version and delete it while trying to delete the demo. There is no way that I can retrieve the file. I really want to punch something right now! Le-derp2: why cant you retrieve it? shouldn't it have just ended up in your computer's trashcan? or does your trashcan automatically empty itself? dasding88: Never get into the habit of shift+deleting everything. So bad. withmorten: You still can recover that, it's no problem at all.

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zenmaru13: TIFU: Made a rookie mistake when commenting I have been a redditor for a little over a month now, and haven't quite learned the ropes, mostly because I spent no time as a lurker. Anyway, someone was raging about how all men are pigs who only think of sex, and me, being a guy who never thinks of sex, decided to help console the person by giving her hope in the idea that not all men are like that. Bad idea. Due to the fact that I am a rookie redditor, I only had about 20 comment karma, and as of now, that number is -14. I learned my lesson. Edit: I would like to restate that I am a **NEW** redditor, and all the posts about how I misinterpreted the post that I commented on don't really help much. I tend to organize things in a black and white manner, so information gets hyperbolized quite a bit. All the advice on what not to do is helpful, but, I have to tell reddit about this instead of my non-existant friends, so that just goes to show you how much of a grasp on this type of thing I actually have. yeaup: Did you guys see the [context](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t49ty/what_is_the_most_enraging_thing_that_anyone_has/c4jjfip?context=3) of this? He definitely fucked up, but not in a rookie way. Zenmaru, dude I get what you were going for, but that girl wasn't > raging about how all men are pigs who only think of sex. She just didn't like people asking if she had sex with her twin. There was nothing in there about regular sex. You come off as really creepy and smug when you say > I am 16 mind you, which is an age where most guys think only of sex. That's not something to brag about. It's actually a little worrying. Either you're lying or there's something bigger at play in your life and the next couple years might be hard for you. Or you could just be a late bloomer. But seriously don't brag about this to girls. Or try to comfort them with it. Trust me. Korberos: ^ This I didn't think much about sex when I was 16 either. At 20, my girlfriend actually had to guilt me into sex saying that I would want to if I loved her... I'm about to turn 24 now. Since then I've become a lot more sexual, but I feel like I'm stunted mentally when it comes to sex. I don't think of it the same way others do and you should really consider talking to someone about it if you feel like you don't think about sex as much as the average person your age... it might be something that will affect you later in a way you don't want.

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Justsomerandomgirl: TIFU: my boobs deleted my final paper for my political science class I pulled an all nighter last night to finish my paper. I was naked in bed because I just got out of the shower. I was writing my paper on my iPad and I decided I wanted to smoke. My cigarettes were on the floor next to my bed so I leaned over to grab them. I forgot to lock my iPad. One of my boobs hit the delete button on my iPad and deleted all my work. I'm always careful about these kinds of situations so I did have a somewhat recent save, but I lost a good 45 minutes, maybe an hour of work. TLDR: my boobs deleted the paper off my iPad while leaning over it Edit: I do have to add that after smoking that cigarette (window and blinds directly behind bed were open) I turned around to close the window and I see at the park adjacent to my backyard, was a man pushing a child (little sister or possibly daughter) staring in my window... I was still naked. I've never pulled the blinds down so quickly in my life! What a creep! calvin-scones: We're going to need pictures... For science LOLKH: Are we still doing that "for science" thing? swearingmoses: If you can think of a better reason to get people to upload pictures of boobs, then we'll use that LOLKH: First of all, it's not like that's ever worked anyway. Second, it's just so over used. It isn't funny or witty anymore, it's just tired. swearingmoses: I've seen it work before LOLKH: Someone may have posted tits in response to "For science!" but I can almost guarantee is wasn't spurred on by the inclusion of it. swearingmoses: If I had tits, I would post them for science

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yajmah: TIFU: I burnt 35 ham hocks. I put them in the oven to slow cook and put the temperature a bit too high, came into the kitchen the next day to 35 fucked hocks and a very pissed off boss. Fr4t: Better than burning 35 hammocks... what I read first... chlamydiadarling: I don't know what I'd hate to lose more, ham or naptime :( cookiewhistle: hamtime ModestCamel: Hammertime

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onlineamiga: TIFU: Narrowly avoided a dog running out infront of the car, had to swerve a bit. Woman hits me on the other lane. Despite only a scuff to both cars, she's claiming whiplash and everything... I should have hit the dog :( So now my insurance premiums are going to go up through the roof, as well as a 400€ excess. Dog ran out. I slammed breaks.. Dog stopped in the middle of the road, i swerved into the next lane a bit to avoid it. Dog survives and runs off. Woman in a crappy car hits my rear wheel arch. Leaving nothing but a small dent and a scuff on each others car. Stupid t**t had an ambulance come and everything. I had to spend an hour down the police station explaining what happened.. And of course, its all my fault!! Owner of the dog who obviously had it off its leash is obviously no where to be found. Bye bye no claims bonus. Hello expensive insurance!! I hope that f**in mutt is enjoying its life. Despite that.. I'm glad I didn't kill a dog. Helwyr: No. Never hit the dog. Hit a hundred annoying bitches in cars before the one standing innocently in the road. [deleted]: Do not understand why so many denizens of reddit seem to prefer canines to humans. Helwyr: Because humans are very flawed, while canines are not. They have better morals, better actions, and a better history. They are superior living beings, and therefore should be treated with respect and kindness. [deleted]: That's just funny. Hungry dogs kill and eat cute harmless living things. They do pervy/disgusting things in packs, often involving poop. If you took humans and trained them for the purpose of entertainment of a higher being then we could be all cute and cuddly too. Helwyr: I don't know how you use dogs, but they're not for entertainment. They're there to have a faithful companion with unwavering love regardless of what happens. As for in the wild, wolves stay with each other and act as a single unit for the purpose of achieving a higher goal that each one alone could never accomplish. If humans learned to do anything like that, it would be incredible what we could accomplish. As for 'pervy' and 'disgusting' things often involving poop, I have no idea what you could be referring to. Just for the sake of argument, I'll point out that in retrospect, sex is a disgusting act, and the ways to get it can be extremely pervy. I'm not sure if you think that wild canines just have giant orgies and roll around in shit all day, but they live their lives day to day just like humans. As for 'kill and eat cute harmless living creatures', what the hell do you want them to do? They're part of the food chain just like everything else. Without them, rodent and bovine populations would skyrocket, killing a massive amount of plant life, which would in turn kill of an even more massive amount of these creatures because there's no more food left to eat. Canines are carnivores, and do what they have to do to survive. No animal is ever 'harmless', as they will all defend themselves if necessary. Also, they as well as any other living creature would rather die of a snapped neck than slowly starving to death, an extremely brutal and agonizing end. [deleted]: > They're there to have a faithful companion with unwavering love regardless of what happens. It's not up to you to say what they're "there for." In my opinion it's a species that's been coopted by humans in vile and often funny ways. Pedigrees etc. There are elements of truth to both of our opinions. Seriously though, you are a giant poop stick. Helwyr: I love how mature you are [sarcasm] I also love how ignorant you are [not sarcasm] [deleted]: You are the ignorant one Mr Fart Face. In all seriousness though, calling someone ignorant just because of an opinion is fucking stupid. We're not talking the facts of dogs here, we're talking inherently subjective experience. If you think one can be ignorant about "meaning" then I believe your world philosophy is flawed. Helwyr: You stated facts that you could not/did not back up, and failed to be informed enough about the topic to be stating facts. This is the reason that you are ignorant, not because I disagree with your opinion. [deleted]: No. Helwyr: And that's how you lose an argument :] If you decide to do some research and want to resume this conversation, feel free to PM me. If not, I bid you farewell. [deleted]: Thanks for demonstrating to me how you fail an argument. Helwyr: Your reply was 'no'. How the hell is that a rebuttal to anything? [deleted]: No.

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misagrl: TIFU by deciding to enjoy nature I decided to take a walk since it was an exceptionally nice day out and 15 minutes in, a course of events happened: 1) Scratched myself on a rosebush 2) A wasp flew by my ear; me being afraid of wasps or anything that stings along with the weird fear of insects flying by my ears proceeded to freak out as a car was driving past me. I would assume they all had a good laugh watching me. 3) Tripped over a branch also bringing my boyfriend down with me. Montisa2008: This is relatively minor. A week ago i rode my bike INTO a rosebush full force :) It was fun for me XD SnickycrowJayC: Just over a year ago, I rode my bike INTO the Earth full force :( I now have a synthetic ligament in my shoulder.

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ireallylikereddit: TIFU: Made a fool of myself in lit class. So today we were looking at this "chick lit" novel, and I'll say this now because it'll be relevant for later - I'm one of two guys in my tutorial, and I'm not gay. Tutor (who's female) asks us guys if we felt 'excluded' by the novel, because well you know, we're not girls. First guy responds (makes some good points in mentioning his two sisters), and then it's my turn. I must note that I hardly talk in class, and now that I'm being asked to speak, I really want to make a good impression. Unlike this other guy, I don't have any siblings. I have a mother, but do I dare mention her? At the time, I didn't think so. So, when I finally start talking, I say that I didn't feel excluded by the text. Instead, I say that I related to the main character (which is A GIRL). At this point some girl on my right does that 'light laugh' (you know, the one where you just blow air through your nose). I'm thinking 'fuck fuck' 'cause I can't justify my point, and so I put my hands on my face and go "what's that word ...", stumbling to try and think of something to say. This awkward silence comes upon the room for about 4-5 seconds before the tutor shifts the conversation and asks a question to the rest of the class, and things return to normal. I don't sigh in relief - I sit there looking glum for the rest of the tutorial. At the time, I kept hating myself (and I still do), thinking that everyone thinks that I'm stupid, but then I get the idea that if I was seen to be 'gay', people could think that I was accidentally 'coming out' through a suggestive comment. TL;DR: Tried to relate to a girl character in a chick lit novel. Failed miserably. I'm thinking that everyone else thinks I'm either gay or stupid. I hope they think I'm gay. casablankas: calm down no one really cares. people probably just think you're really awkward now -- which is true considering how much you have been overthinking and overanalyzing. next time you go to class, smile if you make eye contact with someone. maintain a pleasant demeanor. you don't have to TALK to anyone if that's too much for you but just don't overthink so much. AND STAND UP STRAIGHT! ireallylikereddit: Thanks for this - needed a clearer perspective. fuckyouripod: go read my reply above here's the thread link: http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/tekqo/tifu_made_a_fool_of_myself_in_lit_class/

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[deleted]: Told a classmate I f***ed his mom. He began crying, and I learned that she had passed away the night before. rya11111: removed. please follow rule 1 and repost. Thanks :) Thakartz: No

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Escapethefate888: TIFU by farting inside a sealed plastic ball, smacking my face on the side, knocking a small child off her bike and breaking my finger. I was at a cycling event, open to all ages, and decided it would be fun to go on a ride meant for little kids, because this thing looked like some serious fun. It was a massive paddling pool, with massive inflatable balls floating around in it. The idea was, you were sealed inside one of the balls and could do some cool tricks and just generally have an awesome time. Anyway, while I was in one, I farted and it stunk so bad that I fell over, hit my face and had to beg to be let out. I then participated in the bike course. As I was biking along, I accidently knocked a small child off her bike by clipping the wheel. I stopped to see if she was ok, but she was already getting back on her bike. Later, I had to pick my little brother up from a talent show and when I was getting out of the car, I slammed my finger in the door. My mum took me to the hospital and it turns out I have broken it in two places and pulled a ligament loose. And I swore like a sailor in front of lots of little kids Firebert0z: COMBO. Montisa2008: B REAKER [deleted]: MULTIKILL Firebert0z: M O N S T E R K I L L [deleted]: O V E R K I L L.

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CrowCrowBro: TIFU: Didn't get a job because I was napping inside the lobby while waiting. I had a simple interview with a temporal employment agency and would have started on friday but while the lady was trying to enter my data into the system and I was forced to wait some 20 minutes at the lobby I just put my head down on my arm and closed my eyes for a bit since they didnt even have decent reading material for me to waste my time with and the only piece of art I could stare at was that of a green frog which got old pretty fast. Long story short while all the workers where coming back from procuring their lunch the boss of the agency apperantly spottet me and relayed that I look like an irresponsible lazy fuck that cant be employed. TL:DR; Do not attempt to sleep while at a job interview. 57r4n93r: I have nothing to say about how you fucked up. But I must say I am very interested about this temporal employment agency. I have always wanted to get into temporal criminal justice or even time crime. Both fine choices if you ask me. CrowCrowBro: Hm you might try and apply for [these guys](http://thejourneymanproject.wikia.com/wiki/Temporal_Security_Agency) then 57r4n93r: Actually, I have been preemptively contacted by them. Apparently the resume I will send them in the future wont peak their interest.... At least now, I won't feel bad about not bothering this time. How considerate of them really. wheresmyhouse: The term is 'pique' just so you know. I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything.

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Live_for_Now: TIFU: Was texting flirty messages to the girl I met at the gym. Turns out, I was actually texting the head of my state's police organization (PBA). I work for the official union magazine and just got his number yesterday but didn't save the contact. Also got the number of a girl at the gym but forgot that I wrote it down instead of put it in my phone. Assuming that I had, I texted flirty stuff to the unknown number in my phone, forgetting about the cop. Anyway, goodbye credibility at work. meshugganah: You lost or someone stole your phone. Stick to that story. mach_kernel: Yeah def. go with the stolen phone or have to face getting pulled over for a 66 in a 65 for the rest of your life.

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ZapaBasoran: TIFU: Trusted a fart that wasn't Liquid gas separator failed on me. Followed by the green apple quick step to the porta-john. Wipe after wipe couldn't make it clean. My eyes fell on the hand sanitizer. I soaked some paper with the sanitizer it washed my pants quite well. Light bulb.. On a new wad of paper I squirted some sanitizer and proceeded to clean the chassis... INSTANT REGRET! I have no idea where the little girl screaming was... It wasn't me... Khalexus: Everyone else seems to understand the crypticness of it, but I can't :\ what happened? MxMj: * He shat himself * waddled to a portapotty * tried to clean himself with the toilet paper, failed * Found hand sanitizer and successfully cleaned his pants with it * Tried to clean his asshole with said hand sanitizer * Screamed like a little girl (because his asshole was burning) Khalexus: Ahhh right, got it. The "chassis" part confused me, and the "little girl" bit threw me off. Thought a little girl had seen him dacks down, cleaning himself. It's uh... late. I blame that. EDIT: I've also never tried to clean my asshole or cock with hand sanitiser, so wasn't aware of that kind of reaction, hah. Guess I know now to avoid it in the future! ZapaBasoran: For the love of all things weird, wonderful and wrong DO NOT ATTEMPT. If you want a less painful example, light a cactus on fire then sit on it. Khalexus: Hah, duly noted! Sounds horrible. So what happened? Were you able to wash it away? Or did it burn for a long time? *Yes, a stranger is asking about your anus on the internet, how do you feel?* ZapaBasoran: Eventually the stinging subsided enough for me to open my eyes, and take a breath. I attempted to wipe what was left away but the John Wane toilet paper, that comes stock, felt like 9 grit sand paper on a fresh burn. with much fanning of my fanny and gathering what was left of my manhood I belted up and went back to work like nothing happened.    No one made me aware that they heard, or suspected anything, and I didn't volunteer any information. Khalexus: My bum weeps for your pain... Well not literally, that'd be pretty gross.

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muchmorepinteresting: TIFU Got in trouble for extremely high internet usage at work when my job doesn't require me to me on the internet alot. I work for a non-profit, our office has about 35 people full-time. It's a very relaxed atmosphere, and they know people go on Facebook, Twitter, etc., surf the web. They're pretty strict about not streaming video/music (like Pandora), because it uses so much bandwith, but nothing else. I got a reminder email about non-work-related internet usage a few months ago, took note of it, thinking I was fine. Well, looks like G-Chat, Pinterest, Reddit, blogs and online shopping has gotten the best of me, because both my bosses sat me down today and told me that not only is my internet usage high, it's the highest in the office. Several gigs above even the social media/communications position, whose job it is to be online all the time. I get all my work done, no problem, and currently my position is pretty slow, so I've been asking around to help out other people, but I work best multi-tasking, and leave alot of tabs open (which I explained, but they countered with leaving alot of tabs open doesn't use require alot of bandwith, there has been lots of clicking as well [I did know they monitored this stuff, just not how well/closely]). I just feel like the worst employee - I just graduated last May and this is my first "real world" job, and even though I don't plan to stay here forever, this job will help me get to my ultimate job goal, and I don't want to screw up. ddmyth: Bring in some pdfs to read. That should help, and looks like you're doing work in passing. Even better if the PDFs are related to your job field. calaesia: Hey, thanks for this tip. I've been trying to figure out how to stay busy in the slow times at work. [deleted]: Browse without images. Or use a reverse proxy on port 443 which most companies don't monitor.

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naughtgranny23: TIFU: I decided to wear pants that did not have a button. This did not end well. Today, I decided that I was going to wear an old pair of jeans that no longer have a button. Normally, I wouldn't do this. I honestly don't even know why I still have them. However, certain circumstances arose today that left me with no other option but to don these buttonless jeans. These circumstances were of the no-clean-clothes variety. The choice was obvious. Doing laundry was out of the question. So, I wore the pants. I considered the consequences and proceeded regardless. I figured it would be fine; I'd just hide out in my room, and no incidences would occur. Unfortunately, I didn't consider friends into the equation. My friends are really needy. I mean REALLY. So, as can be expected, I get a late night text from a friend saying that they desperately need a trash bag. It's one in the morning, and I don't particularly want to go. But I do. So, at one in the morning, I'm heading down the hall to my friend's dorm room, taking her the damn trash bag she needs so badly. Keep in mind, one is around the time that one of the dorms' hall directors makes rounds. So, I take "Helga" her trash bag and promptly head out, eager to get back to my room and Eagleheart. I leave her room, headed back to mine, with my pants dragging enough to cover my feet. (I'm bare-footed, and this makes me paranoid. I have a thing about feet.) I'm not really thinking. I just want to keep my feet out of visibility if I run into someone. My door's just a few feet ahead, just past the lobby. I actually make it to the edge of the lobby, see the hall director chatting with the guy on call at the desk, and then everything goes to the shitter. Distracted by their conversation, my foot slips and catches my pants just right. So fast that under different circumstances it would have been rather impressive, my pants drop to my ankles. Besides wearing broken pants with no belt, I am also not wearing underwear. I know what you're thinking at this point. "You were just asking for it." Honestly and truly, I am just a complete and total dumb ass. I am also far too lazy for my own good. I will probably be going commando for a few days more, until I decide to actually get up and do some laundry. Anyway, back to the story. So, here I am standing butt ass naked, at least from the bottom half. What do I do? Well of course the only logical thing. I clumsily run to the safety of my room while simultaneously uttering vulgar words at myself and trying to pull my pants up. Somehow I manage to get them up and not face plant into my door while I'm running. As I'm opening my door and headed inside, I just manage to hear the hall director say jokingly to the guy at the desk "Guess the carpet doesn't match the drapes, after all." This was a pun on my pink hair. I'm not sure what the logical reaction should be in this situation, cower and hide embarrassed under the covers or laugh hysterically at the image of pink pubes. Right now, it's a combination of both. We'll see how I feel when tomorrow comes, or the next time I run into them. So, yeah, tomorrow then. violencewithin: guessing you are a chick? Neebat: "naughtgranny23" Not a good visual. naughtygranny91: I think "naughtgranny23" sounds quite erotic.

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t3_tigl9

t5_2to41

[deleted]: "T"IFU: Saw a girl at a party, took half an hour of flirting for me to realize she was my friend of 2 years I put the "T" in quotations since this didn't happen today. However, a few minutes ago I experienced one of those regremories: you know, when you remember something stupid you did in the past that just fills you with self-loathing. Well, this debacle came back to me, and who better to share it with ~~then~~ than you lovely people? A few weeks ago I was at a little shindig one of my friends was putting together to celebrate her college graduation/acceptance into the PeaceCorp. It was apparently a BYOB deal (which I didn't know at the time), so I was completely dry but mingling well. I see a cute girl across the room, decide to sack up and talk to her. No introductions (which probably would've tipped me off earlier), just small talk about benign subjects, mostly the music. I thought it was going pretty well. After about half an hour of chit-chat I ask her how she knew the host. She looked at me like I was a moron (which, to be fair, I was), and said she was in the same class as us. I, oblivious as ever, pushed the topic and asked things like "what lab group are you in?" (my group) and "where do you usually sit?" (right next to me). Finally it dawns on me that THIS IS THE SAME DAMN GIRL I've been in classes with for the past TWO YEARS and facepalm like there was no tomorrow. I wasn't even smooth about it, either - I made it way too fucking obvious that I thought she was a complete stranger. I blamed it on me being slightly drunk (despite the fact that I was completely sober). She took it pretty well, feigned outrageous offense initially until we walked down to the liquor store and I offered to get her a nice craft beer (Brooklyn Brewery black chocolate stout, best apology drink ever). After that I decided it would be best to go home before I made myself look any more foolish. EDIT: "then" vs. "than": MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!!! Veora: Isn't this a scene from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? o.o [deleted]: I have no idea. Never seen that movie. The fact that someone thinks my life is like Hollywood makes me feel... okay, I guess, except I'd be playing an awkward Michael Cera-esque role. Veora: http://youtu.be/t2_d6Hwvh5I [deleted]: Welp, I'll admit that's *somewhat* similar, except I don't have the suavity Robert Downey jr. exudes with every word that tumbles from his perfect lips, and all her bitchy friends were too busy getting drunk in the kitchen to put me down for no reason. PrognosisWafflecone: Watch that movie. It is wonderful.

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t3_tigja

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binkyTHESINKrobinson: TIFU: I turned on the shower, took a piss, opened up a new bar of soap, proceeded to throw the wrapper into the shower and then the soap in the toilet. If I didn't stop myself there I probably would have attempted to flush the trash bin next. ikarios: You have a trash bin but you were going to flush the soap bar wrapper down the toilet? binkyTHESINKrobinson: no dude, i threw the soap bar wrapper in the shower and then the soap in the toilet. i think my brain just screwed up the item/action associations. wrapper -> shower, soap -> toilet, flush -> trash bin. weiga: Right... so had you done it right, you would have thrown the wrapper in the toilet and the soap in the shower - which still doesn't make sense. Who just throws bars of soap into the shower like you're about the wrestle it? binkyTHESINKrobinson: no. C -> 1, A -> 2, B -> 3 cycle each letter to the left one so as to make A -> 1, B -> 2, C -> 3 wrapper -> shower, soap -> toilet, flush -> trash bin becomes: soap -> shower, flush -> toilet, wrapper -> trashbin clearly nobody throws bars of soap into the shower like that - **I** threw the wrapper in \^_\^ CorporatePsychopath: So you should have peed in the trash bin.

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t3_tja82

t5_2to41

imawaffle: TIFU Didn't help a girl that I think was being stalked. I'm probably gonna live with regret about this situation for a long time. I was taking a late night walk to Kwik Trip to grab some smokes and a drink, and started heading back, and I seen this person walking on the parking lot, heading the same way. I didn't think to much of it. There were a few buildings between us, but I knew we'd hit the crosswalk at the same time. As I'm coming to the crosswalk, I can see this person now, and there's a car parked next to her. They're talking angrily, and she slams the door, yells something, and continues walking towards me. We get to the crosswalk at the same time, she pushes the button, and I smile and nod, light up my cigarette and wait for the light. He pulls up to the light and yells out to her. I couldn't make out what he said exactly. But he sounded angry. She ignores him. Light says for us to walk, and instead of walking with me, she turns and heads away from me. I'm thinking "What the fuck? Mmk" and start walking before the light goes off. He whips around and starts following her. So I get to the other side, look back, and she's heading towards Kwik Trip, with him following with his car. Now I'm concerned. So I start walking along the road, watching to make sure she doesn't get hurt, or anything, and they disappear behind a building. I keep walking thinking I'll see them on the other side. Nope. So I cross the road right there. I walked around for 45 minutes and couldn't find anything. I feel horrible. I'm back home now, and all I can think is that I should have said something. She could've come back to my grandma's place (where I'm staying) and hung out until he gave up. Called the cops if he trespassed. I mean, shit, I don't have anything going on. Granted, I didn't know the situation. But I should've at least said something. "Hey, you alright?" "Yeah." "Good." But I didn't. I hate myself for not saying anything, and I doubt I'll be going to sleep. kevb927: Perhaps it was an arguing couple and nothing bad happened to her. Don't beat yourself up over it. :) imawaffle: Well, that's what I was thinking.. But I've seen some pretty violent boyfriends. kevb927: True. My first thought when I read your story was about my ex. He used to do that to me so I understand why you'd think like that. Hope you can get some sleep though.

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t3_tjegd

t5_2to41

bubbabloke: Saw a customer limping today, offered to carry his heavy item to the car, saying "Don't worry, I injured my ankle 2 days ago, I know how you feel". He responds "I had a stroke a few weeks back and can't use my left side of my body". rya11111: removed. please follow rule 1 and repost. thank you :) bubbabloke: Hey mate sorry about that, it's my first link and I did it from my phone. I learnt my lesson. Thanks. rya11111: no probs! just start the post with "TIFU" in the title at the start like the rest of the posts. :)

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t3_tjpzg

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dasding88: TIFU: gave a cigarette to a pregnant woman I didn't notice until as I was passing it to her; alas, too late. Felt bad. ragefrox: had this happen in an even worse way. for a solid week in high school, this girl went around bumming smokes off everyone she could get them from, including me. I found out later that she had been purposefully trying to kill an early pregnancy. julyjulyxx: I'm pretty sure that wouldn't work. ragefrox: when you throw drugs and alcohol into the mix, apparently it did

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t3_tjr9u

t5_2to41

[deleted]: TIFU: by drunk dialing after a perfect date So I met this significantly older guy (I'm 21 and he's 38) online. We were texting for serval days non-stop and everything was going amazingly. We finally met for drinks last night and I was super nervous, so I had a couple shots before I went out. Except oops! I forgot to eat first. So I end up getting way too drunk and after he drops me off, he texts me to tell me what a great time he had. Do I just agree and go to bed? No. I stay up drinking with my friends and bomb his phone because I wanted him to a)buy us beer and b) come have sex with me. Yeah, I know, I suck. UPDATE: Sent him one text around 1 pm apologizing and trying to joke about it. Haven't heard a word :( I'm a shitty drunk. [deleted]: For you being a girl, he really wouldn't care less and you didn't really fuck up at all. In all seriousness though...a 38 year old. I mean, surely you can find someone younger.. drunkonthelawn: Really? I've been beating myself up all morning. I can't decide if I should apologize or act like I don't remember or just crawl into a hole. And the age gap was on purpose :) I'm trying something new. [deleted]: For a guy they really wouldn't care...a 38 year old could be different buuut most wouldn't care as long as there is a chance for intimacy etc. Now, if it was the other way around, it would be way different which is why it sucks being male. Fair enough, what made you decide on that? drunkonthelawn: Curiosity. I always thought older guys were kinda hot and I figure they're a lot more "experienced" than guys in the early 20s so why not? Any advice as to how I should damage control? Text? Wait? [deleted]: I would suggest apologizing for it. Don't text, definitely call or say it in person. You can even joke around about it, and then say how great the date went for you as well. The guy above honestly seems pretty immature. If a girl texted me like that, I personally wouldn't care as I am a very laid back guy, but there are definitely guys that would. It might show a sign of immaturity to him, which as he is older, can come off negatively. Despite what most people say, after the teens and sometimes early 20s, guys don't just look at something to put their dick into and excuse everything else. I don't think your guy will be mad or anything, but I definitely say you should apologize. If anything, it shows you care/like him enough to do so. He probably thought it was funny, etc, but it doesn't hurt to apologize, and hey, maybe even casually "leave the option open" drunkonthelawn: Well the reason I said text is thats always been how we've communicated until we met in person last night (and I mean all day, every day) so he seems pretty okay with it. I will definitely apologize though, do you think I should wait until he texts me and then joke about it, or send one first? [deleted]: Hmm, I'm not entirely sure, I need a little bit more information. How long ago did this happen? (if you said in your post, I wasn't paying attention then) And have either of you talked since? Or just have you been talking, and neither of you mentioned it? Honestly, I would like a girl to call, as just as a guy calling shows confidence to a girl, the reverse is true as well, but he may be different. If you want, I'm sure texting would be just fine. I mean you can say something like "Hey, I'm really sorry about [That Night], I got a little too drunk and kind of made a fool of myself lol. But I just wanted to say that I had a really good time as well, and I'd definitely like to go on another date :)" or something to that effect. drunkonthelawn: It happened last night and we haven't spoken since. This makes me the most nervous because I usually wake up with a good morning text from him and I haven't heard anything. =/ *edit: but now that I just thought about this we've only been texting during the week while he's at work, and now its saturday so he could just be doing weekend stuff and I'm just being a girl [deleted]: Don't be too nervous, don't worry. I doubt it really mattered to him that much. I mean if you texted him like 500 times saying you loved him more than anything in the world, and you were wanting to have children as soon as possible, and he didn't respond to any of them, well then that might be a bit of a turnoff. But what you did just seems to be a mishap from getting drunk. But personally, I think you should be the first to message him/call him to apologize. It will show that you know you messed up a bit, and have the confidence to admit that. Along with the fact that you show you care enough to keep it going. I will say, there isn't a 100% guarantee that it is going to work out, as there never is. But you definitely should at least message him to apologize and explain you had a really great time and would like to have another date or something. Although I honestly want to hear how it turns out. I'd love it if you could keep me informed :). drunkonthelawn: Hahah, no nothing that bad, I kept calling and then apologizing for it? And then I wanted him to pick me up. I'm really not sure what my drunk-self was getting at. Okay message sent, so now its the waiting game. I just made a joke out of it so I guess I just have to hope for the best. Ahhh I'm so nervous. Thanks for all your help and I will definitely keep you updated! [deleted]: Alright cool, that sounds good :). It doesn't sound too bad. I personally would find it kind of funny, and make fun of you for it the next day lol. But thanks! :D, I always like giving advice to people, but always wonder how it turns out when they never respond haha. But I'm gonna go shower/do a few errands, let me know what happens :) drunkonthelawn: Update: Sent the text an hour and a half ago and nothing... I'm starting to get worried =/ [deleted]: Oh. But don't worry, he might just be busy. An hour and a half isn't long at all haha. I understand why you're a bit nervous though, so it's normal. But don't worry, I'm sure he will respond. If he is a guy that's actually worth your time, he would give you the decency to at least message you back. Out of curiosity, how did you two meet anyway? Although do NOT send another one! Just trust me when I say, don't send another asking like "Hey did you get the first?" or something. As hard as it is, just wait. If you send another, it may come off as clingy. Just relax and wait :), patience is the best weapon in the dating game. I'm about to go out to buy my mother a present, but I'll be back in like 30 minutes or so. If he hasn't responded back by then, I'd be happy to talk with you to make the time go faster if you want :). drunkonthelawn: PM me when you get back and I'll tell you the story of how we met. Its kinda interesting... And don't worry I won't send another, the goal is to prove I'm not a crazy clinger :)

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t3_tk893

t5_2to41

[deleted]: TIFU: Last night i hooked up with my ex-fiance So I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago and we decided not to try and talk and to let some healing happen. All was going well. Then her mom called and apparently had my leather jacket. It belonged to my Grandfather and was left to me. So i met with her to get it and talk a little. We decided to go for a walk and talk about the break up and how each other is doing. Everything so far is going ok. We walked for approximately two hours. and decided to get dinner. (we were hungry) So we went to subway, where i was told my sub was disgusting and it took about 15 minutes to make it. She used to work there so we got a kick out of it. so we went back to her apartment and ate. Again, so far so good. I wasn't depressed or being driven crazy yet. After eating we decide to hang and watch a movie. This is where it got rough. There was almost an immediate relapse in our feelings. I was going to leave and i went to give her a hug and we couldn't let go. We ended up on the couch and started making out. then over the next two hour we got naked and then got more involved. Then I left. TL;DR met ex to get back jacket. Ended up fornicating. hype_up: What's it been like since the hookup? Expectations your back together or what? violencewithin: it's been less than 24 hours idk yet hype_up: Shiiitt. I'm assuming u regret it and you ain't trying to get back together ? violencewithin: doesn't matter... HAD SEX!! but really no. I haven't really talked to her yet. we may just keep having casual sex. idk Spk4420: Never, ever, ever keep having casual sex with an ex, unless there's absolutely no emotions involved, even then I don't think I would. I've learned my lesson bout that violencewithin: explain? Spk4420: Well she's my baby mama for one. We had been together for 7 yrs, married for maybe 2 of those. Turns out she was fucking psycho. So we tried to work it out to no avail and kept on having casual sex. It's unhealthy emotionally. She had mental problems and it just wasn't working out. One of the major things that sticks out in my mind and was the last straw, we shared custody of our daughter, so I had her every weekend. So I went to pick up from her house (really her dads as she doesn't really do much for herself) one Friday at my usual time, pulled up and got out of my truck, and all I could hear was screaming in the backyard. Turns out that her and her younger sister were trying to kill each other, literally and very seriously. My daughter is standing at the front door in nothing but her fully loaded diaper and filthy as I've never seen her before, and she was just balling her eyes out. That sight just crushed my heart man. Turns out my ex tried to throw a knife at her sister as she came in front door, turns out it was her dad, and he picked up and threw back at her. I had enough. Needless to say, I have full physical and legal custody of her. Even her own aunt told me that if I didn't do anything that she would call CPS. I have more stories if you'd like, but it's quite a bit dayallnash: Wow, psycho, but good on ya for getting custody. Spk4420: Thanks. I believe that my daughter is in a great place now. My g/f now treats her like her own, and I can't be thankful enough.

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t3_tka2r

t5_2to41

midnightcruiser: TIFU: Tried to steal my dads car at midnight and reversed it down the hill on top of which it was parked before realising that the battery was dead. Spent the next 3 hours trying to push it back up the hill and trying to jumpstart it before eventually succeeding. On top of this it is 35 degrees (Celsius) out tonight, and I was constantly paranoid that the noise of the engines and doors slamming and ignition would wake up my dad, who has caught me trying to take his car before and would have killed me. Rocketbird: Haha, this reminds me of the time I tried to teach myself stick shift using the car that belonged to the person I was housesitting for. I didn't feel like walking all the way to the grocery store, so I googled "how to drive stick shift" and made my way down a giant hill in neutral before I realized I had no idea what I was doing. I then proceeded to turn the car around and get up the hill in 1st gear, stalling the car out every 10 feet or so. Not one of my proudest moments. When I parked the car in the driveway again, I made sure to put everything back as it was. A month after I finished housesitting though, I realized I never moved the driver's seat back to where she had it. If she knew, she never said anything. I hope I didn't totally fuck up her car. :| Soupr: stalling doesnt really damage the car, how you managed to move and then stall while moving, in first gear though.. what were you doing? I'm so glad that here in the UK it is the done thing to learn in a manual, automatic doesn't really seem like driving to me.. Rocketbird: Whew, that's good to know. I wasn't feathering the clutch, I was just holding it down, then I think I would just let it go completely once I started going. I really didn't know what I was doing, I can't even remember that well. Haloonefour: That's a bit different than stalling, and dumping the clutch like that can easily damage the vehicle. Rocketbird: Cool. Well that's bad then. Also it was four years ago, and we never talked about it. :|

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t3_tkr1b

t5_2to41

fuckyeahjake: TIFU by screwing myself out of my first car The more I think about this, the more it sounds petty and juvenile, like something off of Sweet Sixteen, but it's actually one of the most frustrating things I've ever FU'd. So I'm 19. Since I was 5, I've been obsessed with cars. I could name every make driving down the street with my parents. A few years thereafter, I was diagnosed with ADD. How relevant this is, exactly, I'm unsure. My father thinks my driving accidents are due in large part—and he's probably right—to some fundamental inability to focus on lots of things at once. I don't know. Anyway, because I wasn't doing well in school, I wasn't allowed to get my permit until 16, and my license until 17, but by that point, things were looking up. I was doing better in school, taking medication for my ADD, and driving all over! I live in Atlanta, which isn't a very pedestrian-friendly city, so this is BIG. The vast majority of my friends live in a neighborhood which would've been about an hour walk away, but is now a fifteen minute drive. Anyway, I'd been driving for close to a year when I set out one day and totaled my mom's car. Long story short, I was going around a blind corner, swerved to get out of the way of another car, slammed into a parked pickup. Now, when I say totaled—the car was drivable, but considering it was close to fifteen years old, the insurance company decided it wasn't worth it to fix it and therefore declared it totaled. My mom spent $16,000 on a new car, which we're lucky enough to be able to afford, but you know, it's never really ideal. Now, for some reason, a few weeks later, my dad trusted me to drive, and on what I think must've been my first or second drive after the accident, in a parking lot, I backed into another car who was also backing out. This ended my driving for close to eight months. That brings us to the present. When I was home for spring break about a month and a half ago, I drove, completely successfully. It's two weeks into my summer vacation, and I'd been driving accident free, until another parking lot collision. I was backing out, not looking where I should've been, and bumped into another car that was on its way out of the lot. So, for those of you keeping count, in less than a year, I've had a total of three accidents, totaling two cars (the car I was in and the car I hit) and surely doubling my parents' insurance at the least. Believe me, I have no illusions about how much all this sucks. What keeps nagging at me, though, is if I'd gone to my car ten seconds later, I wouldn't have had the third (and presumably final) accident. All these accidents, in fact, could've been avoided if something, *anything,* had taken just a few seconds longer, which is really weird to think about. But what's worse, and this is admittedly pretty selfish on my part, but my grandparents were going to drive down in a few weeks to give me their 2004 Chrysler Sebring convertible. I was going to get my own car. Despite my past fuckups, I was *this close* to getting the present I've wanted for fourteen years, and just like that, it's not going to happen. It was so unfathomably close to happening, but now it's not going to. **tl;dr:** privileged white kid gets in three accidents, doesn't get convertible. thebornotaku: How about open your fucking eyes when you're driving? Inattentive drivers like you are why I'm afraid to take my beetle out on the road, and why my daily driver has a fat dent on the fender. fuckyeahjake: Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually drive with my eyes closed. Inattentive is, however, accurate, but I have pills for that.

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t5_2to41

shamefullFailure: TIFU: I'm into bondage. I met a girl in a club and she agreed to be tied-up, but when she saw the rope she ran out of my place, naked, and woke up my neighbor. Edit: Thank you Reddit, and thanks to every one of you who supported me, as well as those who did not. Compared to how I felt when I posted this, I feel much better, even if I still worry about the consequences in my neighborhood. I'm now going to get some sleep. Sorry to all who I did not replied, I'll try to catch up tomorrow, even if it's only to thank you. Good night Reddit. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit2: Update on Monday evening. I spent a normal night, followed by a normal day. The only times I could think of the event were on the positive side, to try to use it as a valued experience and get out all the lessons possible. My only coward move: I decided to doge the neighborhood issue and move to a new place. Will put my twenties behind me and use my newly and hardly earned experience to move on. No news from the girl, no news from the cops, no news from the news. Might be early but I doubt than I'll get any actual trouble. My back is covered. So in the end, this TIFU of the week (thanks to the mods) ended not so fucked up. Thanks to Reddit :) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Original Post: So as the title says, I’m a 27 years old guy into bondage and shibari. I was clubbing with a friend and I met this nice 18 years old girl. We started talking and dancing then we took some drinks and started making up. We went to my place and she undressed herself and we started the preliminaries. Since she was very nice and that she did some kinky talking, I opened up myself and told her I was into bondage and that I wanted to tie her up. She agreed and laid down into my bed spreading her arms towards the bedpost. As I reached for my rope in the closet, a standard white rope from the general store, she freaked out, snapped, and ran out of my place, naked. I stood still, shell shocked, for what could have been seconds or minutes, I don’t have a clue. Then my brain started to process that shit had hit the fan and I “decided” to follow her because the only two other options I could come up with were hiding and or fleeing, neither of which seemed very smart given that at that point I knew I would have to deal with judgment of others. I did not run, in order to try to not seem like I was pursuing her. I was still in underpants, just because my brain did not realized it, but on second thinking, I guess it helped to put myself in a level of vulnerability similar to hers, or at least not as menacing as if I was a fully clothed guy running after a naked girl. It was around 5 am, I heard her knocking on my neighbor’s doors at the upper floor. As I went through the stair case I heard my neighbor open the door then the girl’s voice, but I did not understood a word, and then the door being slam closed. I stayed in front of the door for a few moments trying to hear what she was telling, but I was still unable to understand it. I slowly knocked and put my hands over my head. After about a minute, my neighbor, a very nice black lady, opened her door. I had never met her before, talk about first impressions… As she said nothing I apologized for the inconvenience and as I had no idea what she had been told by the girl, I bluntly told her the truth. As she was still silent and that she still looked half asleep, I proposed to go fetch the girl clothes and belongings, she said ok and closed the door as I turned back. Back to my place, I gathered the girl’s stuff and as I put my clothes on, I started to really get afraid about what was going to happened next. I was sure the cops were going to be called, that I would end up in jail, that it was the last time I was leaving my flat before a long time. I watered my plants, shut down the electricity, dropped the key in the mail box, and left. Back to my neighbor’s door, I gave her the girl belongings, and she told me to wait here. I waited. I heard them talking, again, without getting the meaning of the words, certain that they were calling the cops. She came back a few minutes later and, surprisingly, told me to get in, to discuss and to try to settle down the matter. So I followed her into her place, we sat around the coffee table. The girl was here, silent, avoiding looking into my eyes. I think she kind of realized that she overreacted, but that she was committed at that point, and that given the situation it was futile to try to fix it up. My neighbor asked again what had happened. The girl said nothing but that she got afraid. I, again, told the truth, that she agreed to try bondage. My neighbor then said that “we” were not calling the police, I nearly smiled and jumped of relief and happiness but I managed to contain myself hiding my face with my palms. She also said that she did not know what bondage was. Awkward moment for me, as I explained it to her, I saw her face gradually turn from sleepy to disgust. She told me that it was no way to treat a girl; I tried to argue that she was consenting; she said I should be ashamed, and willingly or not, that’s what I did. I felt ashamed. I still feel ashamed, and that’s seriously killing me. I nearly throw up typing this. She then told me to call and give them money for a taxi, and that she would bring the girl back home. We left her place and they left the building, I have not heard of them since. I went back home, my legs crumbled as I closed my door. So did my mind as I cried as I never cried since my teenage years. I crawled to my bed, sobbing, and after a while, for the next 24h, felt asleep, or rather my brain turned off from the shock. As I woke up this morning, I wondered, hoped, that it was just a nightmare, but my rope on the floor and her perfume on my sheets left me no doubt. I threw up. Now I’m trying to deal with this horrible feeling, guilt mixed with shame, the worst I’ve ever felt all my life. In the pas I’ve had about a dozen of bondage experiences, all consenting, some for their first time. I also had my lot of rejections. I know that when she said no it means no. But never someone did say yes only to flee as if I was to rape her, until now. Sure we had some drinks but we were far from being drunk. And as far as I know she did not deny being consenting. The only thing I heard her say is that I scared her. Am I really guilty? Should I really be ashamed? Is there something wrong with my fetish? Is there something wrong with ME? What should I think? What should I do? Please Reddit, help me. TL;DR: I proposed bondage to a girl, she said yes, then freaked out at seeing a rope, ran to my neighbor naked place, did not call the cops, but now I have to deal with this horrible feeling and social consequences. squee777: Holy shit what a story. Don't be ashamed though. People are disgusted by things that is none of their business and don't know about. That woman above you was nice enough to help, but will judge you because she does not understand. I'm not into bondage myself, but I can tell you that I'm not absolutely disgusted by it because I know what it is and don't feel it's anybody's business what you and consenting adults do. shamefullFailure: Thanks a lot for your comment, I feel a little bit better that I left all out, but I still worry about consequences on my neighborhood, I fear that the consenting part gets lost in the rumors... blackjesus: What you need to do is buy the neighbor something nice, more thoughtful than expensive, and thank her for helping you out. Really if you act like you are ashamed then you are adding to the context she sees the situation in. I can tell you that black woman do spread rumors like crazy but if you put a little effort into smoothing things over I'm sure you can make this alot closer to the funny anecdote about the crazy white boy that was running around the apartment complex in his underwear chasing a naked girl as opposed to the boston strangler. Old black ladies generally have seen some shit and probably aren't as flappable as you think. There usually is a reason why old black ladies spend so much time in church. This could have gone really bad if the person who got involved was reactionary or armed or both. You could have been locked up or shot or both. Also if she was 18 in a bar then you might have been the guy to end up with a 16-17yo and then your life would have been over. 18yos are great in theory but the legal possibilities are way too crazy. Its-Georgie: That's.. Kinda racist. fenixjr: Stereotypical, not racist. Stereotypes exist because the groups that define them largely fit them. It seems racist, repeated events with the same outcome. Almost like a "theory" vs a "law", just not so every time. Sure not every black guy is afraid of bugs and can't swim, but you can go up to every one and assume that to be the case, and be correct more often than not. Its-Georgie: No, see, that is pretty much the definition of racism. fenixjr: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotype http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism Just read the first paragraph on both pages, and you will see how you are over simplifyng it. They are two different things. Its-Georgie: It's a stereotype, sure. A racist stereotype. >Racism is generally understood as [the] belief that different racial groups are characterized by intrinsic characteristics [...] fenixjr: and so you took an excerpt from a sentence... let me put the rest " or abilities and that some such groups are therefore naturally superior to others [1][2] or as practices that discriminate against members of particular racial groups,[1] for example by perpetuating unequal access to resources between groups." Its-Georgie: Google "define racism". > 1. The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races. The comment was racist; by extension, you're racist. fenixjr: when did i distinguish a race as inferior to another? Its-Georgie: Note the "especially": It's still racist, even if you aren't making one race out as inferior or superior. What you've done is stereotyped the women of a specific race as "having seen some shit" (presumably sexual shit) and therefore probably spending a lot of time in church as a result. That's racist. fenixjr: I didn't say those things. Its-Georgie: You're defending the comment as not racist; therefore, you're as culpable as if you'd said them.

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the_BIG_chief: TIFU: told my girlfriend the truth when she asked me "am I getting fat?" My casual and retarded response: "Well babe, you aren't exactly in soccer season shape right now soooo, yeah." I have literally no idea what made me think that would work. In retrospect I suppose I could chalk it up to ignorance, in that I did not take the time to realize that I was standing in the eye of the hurricane and my best bet was to just shut up and run for cover. Or perhaps it was the smell of a challenge, daring to become a man among men and turn the mother of all lose-lose situations into a winner. Either way I fucked myself pretty good here, which I'm positive constitutes the last time ill be getting fucked any time soon. calafragilistic: The big chief should tell it like it is. There's nothing wrong with answering a question honestly. If you're seriously worried about that then I will gladly take your username for you. Twig: Nice try, Tiny_Chief! calafragilistic: Aw, shucks!

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Justsomerandomgirl: TMLBFU (today my little brother fucked up): made our mom cry on mother's day halofan952: >I moved out when I was 16 because at this point I was fully self sufficient. I was making enough money to more than comfortably support myself Now where the fuck were you working at the age of 16 to be making that much money? Justsomerandomgirl: Yeeeeaaahhhh...that's the thing. I was "self employed"... I sold drugs, mainly heroin. I would make at least a stack a day, but I got arrested so I don't do that anymore. I don't want my brother to do the same thing, with a more serious punishment. He saw how I lived and it probably seemed cool to him, having random people come over to drop of groceries, dry cleaning, food from places that don't deliver, etc. halofan952: Ah, I see. If you sell drugs, you're gonna have a bad time. Sorry I just had to get that out of my system but all bullshit aside, I know too many kids who are exactly like your brother but those kids are somewhat nice to their moms. But your brother...... Man, I'm more sad than angry. I never knew someone could be so ungrateful. If you can, tell your mom that I said sorry about her younger son, that I am his age, and wish her a happy mothers day which the little one failed to do. Justsomerandomgirl: On a side note, I actually just got my mother started on Reddit today. I lured her in with r/science and r/aww. I got her to create an account and everything. I'm just worried that she'll be to absorbed by it. Oh well, I got her a kindle fire so she can just browse on-the-go like I do with my iPad. halofan952: Holy shit, you're a girl, sorry I didn't know that lol. Do you know what your mom did about your little brother smoking weed? I bet she whooped his ass Justsomerandomgirl: I don't think it quite sunk in yet, but I did leave shortly after telling her. Haha he's screwed but it's his own damn fault. No one is allowed to make my mother cry! halofan952: You sound like a pretty badass daughter :D

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[deleted]: TIFU I got my mom a gift card to Lane Bryant without realizing it was a plus size clothing store. Yeah basically that is it. In all fairness though they are subtle about it. whyyoudolikethat: Is your mom plus size? [deleted]: No she -is relatively average but she is always on some sort of diet and trying to work out. Even if she were plus size it woulld still be rude, i think. jimaug87: I don't think so. Why would it be rude to give them money to spend at a store they already shop at? Oh, sorry . . I didn't realize you weren't 'plus size'

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iKilledMyFunny: TIFU - Had been applying for a job for 4 months now. Didn't get one single call back and today I learned that I had the wrong phone number written on my resume. Well actually its not like I fucked up today. Its like I've been fucking up for the past 120 days but just realized it today. MandatorilyMatutinal: Proof reading: Five minutes, £0. This error: 4 months, and potentially £x000. Remember people, typos ruin lives. iKilledMyFunny: Indeed they do. But it wasn't that bad. I mean I was seriously depressed after 4 months of not getting a single call back and was beginning to seriously doubt my worth. But once I got to know about this, now I'm thinking: "oh I'm not stupid, I just fucked up a little". Life makes sense once again. [deleted]: OK you just won the double gold star silver lining optimist award. jimaug87: I had a full day of fail after fail while working on my motorcycle. I finally did one thing right, saw the lights come on, and was ultimately happy. Maybe just relieved. It only takes that one event to change your perception. KablamTakeThat: I'm sorry to hear about your parents.

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jsfox: TIFU: I posted my address on a comment thread, instead of a PM. I actually did this yesterday, and then went to bed and only discovered it by accident today. Thankfully, there weren't that many people on the thread, but I'm nervously awaiting... something... NigelxD: I send you some pretty flowers, I hope you don't mind. jsfox: As long as they're pretty, and they don't explode. AnonymousPhi: Oh they explode, but they're pretty jsfox: As long as it's a pretty explosion, I guess that's okay.

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RacistIllithid: TIFU I was texting my girlfriend and autocorrect turned "ssdfs" (an expression of surprise) into "Sarah" (Not my girlfriends name). She thinks I cheated on her. Fuck. No, she doesn't believe me, maybe correct title would be "Today apple fucked up". DrTastey: How is solid state drive file system an expression of surprise? htpasswd: There is no such file system, you should make one. Frenchy-LaFleur: If you want to get technical, yes there is. Solid state drives need no drive defragmentation as the drive uses DMA to access all of it's contents. So in turn they don't use their own file system, but more so a file structure. Freeky: If you want to get technical, SSD's have specialized internal filesystems to deal with [error correction](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forward_error_correction), [wear leveling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Write_amplification#Wear_leveling), [write reordering](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Log-structured_file_system), and [garbage collection](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Write_amplification#Garbage_collection) (which may include some degree of [internal defragmentation](http://www.dvhardware.net/article34732.html)). Of course the "files" in this case are logically just a flat array of block addresses, but there's a considerable amount of complexity in mapping that to the underlying storage. Frenchy-LaFleur: This is all true, and what I said. However, it is still not a different file system. It is still a file structure as it still uses the native file system for the OS, but organizes additional files on it's own.

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horserashish: TIFU: Spent the weekend drunk at a bachelor party, got caught masturbating. I dont remember a thing. teh_lyme: I... I fail to see the problem here. You're at an event that is generally all male with the exception of a few women there functioning purely as sexual stimuli. And you were drunk. Fuck 'em. No dude should ever give another dude shit for playing wanky panky. At least, so long as you at least put forth your best possible effort at being discreet. asnof: A *little* bit of razzing is needed. But after a day or two its time to drop it. keith_weaver: You aren't of the male persuasion, are you? That, my friend, will never be lived down. Even 75 years from now, the eulogy would go something like: "He was a kind man that had many children, grand children, great grand children. He gave millions of dollars to those less fortunate. He cured cancer, AIDS, and fatness. He invented a perfectly clean, inexhaustible power source that he donated to the world. He cured over population/world hunger problems......But there was this one time when we caught him spanking it to pictures of my gramma....Look, I got the pix of him doing it right here on the over head projector!!!" [deleted]: Why do I have you tagged as Master Illustrator? keith_weaver: Why would you have me tagged as anything? I'm surprised you don't have me tagged as Master Moron or something derogatory. Perhaps I left a photo in a comment that amused you? [deleted]: The confusing thing is that, I don't remember tagging you as anything... keith_weaver: [Here's a pic to remember me by.](http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/5/26may14-thats-just-odd.jpg) inflexiblemadness: I feel like this picture requires some explanation. keith_weaver: bturbank could not remember me or why he/she (?) tagged me, so at the very least he/she will remember that. There's no deep meaning behind the photo. It's just weird as eff, that's all. inflexiblemadness: I DEMAND. keith_weaver: Well, since you demand an explanation. Me and the boys got into my mom's margarita mix while playing Twister, and next thing I know, there's bread and cucumbers and sports bras flying all over the place. inflexiblemadness: Are you me? keith_weaver: Descartes said, "I think, therfore I am you." inflexiblemadness: So then...would I be you? keith_weaver: [Hmmmm, indeed](http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/Hmm+indeed+_be0ab19142b6bd196c8ab7f7429310d2.png) inflexiblemadness: So then if you are me, and I am you, then I must be me and if the same holds true for other people, then I am everyone. Mother of god....

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Geves: TIFU almost burned the house down That "self-cleaning" button on the oven is a liar! Apparently you need to clean the oven "before" it self-cleans itself :( [deleted]: I'd sue Geves: but I'm a Canadian!! We're too polite too sue lol [deleted]: Was hoping you'd be from the US, we don't sue in New Zealand either! Geves: New Zealand sounds like a great place :) MaxiPadz: Oh it is, I guarantee you. Geves: You guarantee it? That's all I needed to hear! I'm convinced :) buideals: sue him if he's wrong Geves: House almost burns down = meh Lying about how great New Zealand is = TIME TO SUE!!!! buideals: priorities = correct

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gwallac2: TIFU: Had the chance to make $1,600 in a WEEK and all I have to do is take some bone marrow pills AND WATCH MAD MEN its a medical study up in knoxville, i'm from atlanta... this is my 2nd trip here and i'm completely broke. I played some shows with my band over the weekend before this morning and the alcohol was still in my system. so yeah, this is 100% my fault. my friend already did the study and had no reaction to the medicine, apparently no one has a reaction to the medicine... the Mad Men part is because they keep you in the hospital with nothing to do, aka watch that non stop. bmward105: Hey I'm from Knoxville. That is all. IncompleteReply: Woooooooooooo! Congrats! I'm not.

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br7anjc: TIFU Mixed up schedule, missed work. Hi reddit, if this is in the wrong place, let me know. I recently started my fist paid job at a restaurant, and I've had to ask off work for four thing recently. (2 weeks at job). Today I was supposed to work and didn't realize it, and skipped. I'm not sure what they think of me. When I called to talk about it, one of the managers sounded a little upset, more frustrated than mad, the other one was understanding. I do not know what is going to happen. [deleted]: They'll remember it for a bit. Asking off work 4 times in your first two weeks really makes it that much worse. I'd be wondering if you were ready for a real job, and I'd be leaning towards no. br7anjc: well, it is graduation week and has been pretty hectic... [deleted]: That is not an excuse, even at a minimum wage restaurant job. Don't miss work. Don't take off work unless you're sick / dying. Arrange your schedule with them far ahead of time. Treat this with respect and show some responsibility.

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[deleted]: TIFU: I lost the person I love most in my life I got angry at the girl I love most and used very harsh words on her in the heat of the moment. Shit escalated and now here I am by myself feeling more alone than I've ever been. I'm turning to you guys because she was the only one I could ever go to and now she's gone. I don't expect this pain to go away anytime soon but venting helps, if anyone even see's this. I fucked up. iamchee: Its okay man i have the soloution you need, http://make-everything-ok.com/ iamnotchee: Best link i have seen in a while. duckyfarts: ಠ\_ಠ

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PaulFuqyaself: TIFU, I went to go take a poop on the train and forgot to lock the door. I was on the train home and felt a number two coming on so I went to relieve myself. So I headed to the bathroom and went about my business. In my haste I forgot to lock the door, when I noticed it was too late, I was at the do or die part of the poop. Then right at that moment someone the door open, with out giving a courtesy knock to see if it is occupied. He then proceeded to have the audacity to poke his head into the occupied restroom, immediately we locked eye contact. At this point my only reaction was to proclaim the obvious and shout,"Woah pal I am pooping!" I am pretty sure everyone in the train car heard me. iamnotchee: I guess you could say that was a really *shitty* situation. [deleted]: After this incident, I bet his day went right down the crapper. Not_A_40_YR_Old_Man: Come on guys, don't start this toliet humor again. NCSU_SOG: Never know what you're gonna get on Reddit, it's always a crapshoot edgemaster191: Suppose he could dookie it out with him later. MandersMcManderson: Great Green Day reference there dudeguy2: Great color reference there

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murrray: TIFU: I forgot to save my Pokemon game, then my computer died. I spent all day playing, got 5 badges, the pokeflute. Right as I was about to wake Snorlax, my computer shut down. violencewithin: how were you playing on computer? murrray: On an emulator. violencewithin: where did you download the actual game? [deleted]: technologically impaired duck violencewithin: only on computer and internet. [deleted]: I'd rather be in your shoes then. In my case i'm impaired everywhere but the internet.

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couscouscachoo: TIFU: thought my flight for a conference was tomorrow. Was actually this morning. Realized this afternoon that the flight I thought I had booked for tomorrow morning @11:20 am was actually for this morning @11:20 am. Called the airline & long story short, I am on a red eye flight leaving @1:20 am. Oh, & it only cost me about $800. Not to mention I already owe someone $1000 for a laptop she left in the kitchen that I spilled some water on. Going to be working my butt off this whole summer to make $2000. Then get to watch it disappear in an instant. TIFU. Edit: I am going to be babysitting a few times a week & am going to apply to be a waitress. Any other ideas to make some quick cash? Thanks, Reddit. leverofsound: Craigslist. also, mowing lawns, odd jobs, gramma, etc.. Estranged_Noodle: Craigslist for selling any unused items, furniture your parents don't want, old toys, etc. Great resource for selling niche stuff to collectors. i.e., I had an old guitar amp and model airplane just idling around in my garage and ended up posting details of the stuff on CL. 20 minutes later both items were sold at listed price and buyers coming to pick the day of. Great for quick cash couscouscachoo: Great idea - I'll have to clean out my room!

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Scottzkee: TIFU, A cop things I saluted them with my beer bottle while driving. I was pulled over. I was drinking a dads rootbeer. (wouldn't recommend it, not that good) I had it while driving and a cop pulled next to my car and was looking at me. It was in my right hand and I lifted it up as if to say "cheers". I was pulled over. Fuck me. [deleted]: Why would you drink while driving anyway? Scottzkee: It was a root beer. And It was in the cup holder and I just took a swig of it. It would not effect anything in an accident. [deleted]: Ohh, I'm sorry, I didn't know what root beer meant. My bad! CJ090: what country you from [deleted]: http://qkme.me/3pd5tp CJ090: you know i was hoping you would respond with what and we could do a pulp ficton back and forth but.... ugh you just suck subkidproductions: what

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blobbob22: TIFU by stepping on a dead wasp and getting stung in the foot it hurts DykeButte: One time, I killed the shit out of a wasp that was in my house. Smashed him with a shoe. It wasn't moving at all except for its stinger which kept on moving in a figure eight motion. That creeper me the hell out. ShaneRunninShirtless: Heller! DykeButte: Asplain urslef ShaneRunninShirtless: Halaylewyer! DykeButte: Wat

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ph00w: TIFU: Caught by parents. Today i fucked up. Today is the last day of a 3 week celebration-tradition we have in Norway. We celebrate the 13 years of school we've attended, a tradition which have existed for a quite long time. The way we celebrate is special and fun, we dress in red pants which are filled with cheesy/tacky drawings, quotes etc. Anyway, we drink and have fun - finally finished 13 years of school. Now that I've given you a brief picture of what I was going to attend, I can move onto explaining why I got caught. Earlier this day I had bought some beer, a six-pack, and hid it away from where i live. So, the day went by pretty fast, and it wasn't to long to the party started. So I went to pick up the six-pack, then catch the bus and meet my friend ... Unfortunately this day was the day my parents decided to change parking spot. Shit like this makes me believe in a fucking god man. Ah, I haven't told that my parents are Muslims, and that I am a closet-atheist. I'm not ready to move out, so I've kept my mouth shut and respected the rules they have. I really don't want want to ruin the relationship i have/had with them, they are my family, and i want/ed to keep it like that. But i knew that this confrontation had to happen sometime soon - it was imminent, "why do you stay so much at your friends" etc.. So, I had just taken out the beer of the hiding spot, and on my way to reach the bus. On the way I see my fathers car, i was carrying a bag, so it was very visible that i was carrying something, he never park his car there, never. So i was walking towards the bus, and my father swings into the parking lot. He sees me and honk the horn. I, with a bag of beer in my hands, panic in a controlled and conscious way, thinking of what I was going to do. After a second or something, my brilliant mind decides to grab the phone and fake a phone call - I got this habit that whenever I'm on the phone, i have to walk. So I put the phone onto my ear, and initiated "walking". The idea seemed strikingly good, with a good chance of pulling it of. So "walking" while my father parks the car, i walk behind a building which was 3 meters away from me, I take the six-pack out, and hide it under a car that was parked there. Now I had a empty bag which i didn't know what the fuck to do with, so i put it inn my pocket - thinking I'd say something in the lines of "It was garbage" cause I'd seen a garbage can not to far from the car i hid the beer under. "Ali" (not my real name), "Ali" she yells, turned out my mother was in the car with my father, a strict woman that got this weird view of teenagers. "Where are you going?" I respond by telling them I was going to meet my friend, "what was in the bag you had?", just garbage i respond. My mom disregard my response and hurls herself towards the place i had "walked", quickly she finds the six-pack and brings it back to where my father and I was standing. "I bought it to a friend, he haven't closed 18 yet", i said with a slightly stuttered and uncertain voice. The look of disappointment my parents had radiated right into my soul. Burning and melting it. "That thing ain't coming into my house", my father said. I got mentally dragged home, absurd speeches about trust and religion were thrown at me. They had left the six-pack on the side of the road - still laying there i believe. We come home, i suggest to sit down and talk about it, they said later, i have 2 siblings which is probably the reason they didn't want to talk about it then. Not a single word has been said yet. I'm gathering my thoughts on what to say. I'm 18 years, closing 19 soon. A rather long fuck up story, but i had to get this shit of my chest. tl;dr: Parents caught me with alcohol. Edit 1: tl;dr. Ineeni: My condolences go out to you and your beer. Bsbear: Yeah, I thought he really fucked up. This is like.. everyday shit here. dudeguy2: figured it was about masturbation. was disappointed.

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TitusAndroidicus: TIFU: Emailed a porn link to my professor I was doing some homework today. One of things my psychology professor wanted was a link to a specific psychology experiment. I found one, copied it, and before I could send the email... my boner hijacked my brain and convinced me to fap instead of finish the email. Found a good fap link, copy+paste into browser, successful fap session. During my post-ejaculatory mental fog, I pasted it into the email and sent it before I even realized what the hell I had done. I... I think I have no choice but to drop out now. I can't show my face in that class ever again. I mean, it was filthy porn too. I'm fucked. **EDIT:** For science, here's the link I sent her: http://www.xvideos.com/video38930/big_tit_bubble_butt_interracial_fuck God help me. microhamster: I once emailed someone a porn video by accident also whilst a little drunk, so I copied the subject section and proceeded to send out 10 or so emails but with text copied from spam, something like "Get cheaper prescription drugs here...". They apparently clicked on the first one and assumed my account was being used for spamming then deleted all the other emails without clicking on the offending one! TitusAndroidicus: You filthy genius. This just might work. j1202: There's always the classic "my asshole friend went on my computer when i got up to take a piss and forgot to lock it". So simple. So effective. Even if they don't really believe you, it's so possible that they have to accept it. lightball2000: But you still look like an ass for having a four year old twat for a friend. SomeAwesomeDudeGuy: Aren't we all really four year old twats on the inside? [deleted]: Speak f'r y'rself I've got me nads. scarabeetle101: I always wondered if there was a bit of Reddit which doesn't speak English... [deleted]: Hear'nk be'knownst int innid iddit 'nhver shortatitit 'b'didns't it alinstaid! jWalkerFTW: Fuck Scots Goosish: That isn't scots jWalkerFTW: Looks kind of like it Goosish: Naw lad, ye see, scots isnae quite like that ye ken? jWalkerFTW: Yeah that looks right. I had a teacher that was Scottish, and he always read poems and short stories in Scots. I'm telling you man, that shit is hard to understand. But it does get easier the more you hear it. It's actually a really cool variation on Celtic and English. Goosish: It's funny because I'm scottish and no scots speak like that jWalkerFTW: Not saying everyone does. Scots is an old language from Scotland that is not used much anymore.

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[deleted]: TIFU a chance for a casual fling.NSFW I'd met this girl little bit back, we chatted for a bit then she cuts to the chase and asks to hook up some time soon. She asks for some pics, which I'm happy to provide knowing where this is going and she's truly impressed. Here's where it all goes south: She says since I can't meet her today why doesn't she call and I fap for her on the phone. Being a guy who doesn't (really, I just never made it a habit in my teen years. Too late now) I said I don't do that I usually let other people do it for me since that works better. She then asks if I sleep with a lot of women, to which I say a fair amount, no big numbers but from time to time. Must have been some way I worded it because her voice got serious and she says "I'm not interested in a man who gets around too much. I hate players" hung up and hasnt spoken to me again. I'm not even that kind of guy :(. [deleted]: Well, no offence, but you *were* about to fuck a stranger you'd only chatted with a bit, and were happy to provide her with *pictures*. By the same token, she seemed to be doing the same thing, so if she wants to meet a different kind of people, she should do it through different activities. hypercombofinish: These things would have occured to me were I using my right mind at the time. I considered saying it to her but the situation was done, the day moves on.

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PinkieDash1321: TIFU by giving my girlfriend a terrible disease Yesterday I was feeling terrible, but she insisted on kissing me goodbye. Now she's coughing up blood and feels terrible. If this weren't enough, we both have AP exams tomorrow, and prom the day after, which we've both spent quite a bit of euros on. fml whittitties: Well honestly I thought I was going to read that you gave her herpes or something. This is not that bad, forget about it. Bring her soup and 7up. Points for you. [deleted]: Haha she's feeling better. Nope, no herpes (As far as I know) whittitties: good lol

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asnof: TIFU I got hot sauce in my eye. Not just any old franks red hot though, I like things spicy! It was [this](http://www.hotsauce.com/Endorphin-Rush-Beyond-Hot-Sauce-p/1121.htm). You may ask how I got it in my eye, well once you pour it out of the bottle a little drips off the side then it crusts on and every blue moon or so I was it off. Just by running it under a tap and using my fingers. I thoroughly wipe my fingers off onto a tea towel and once dinner is made my eye starts itching. Well apparently I didnt get all of it off and now I have to endure this burning tortue for however long it will last. dudeguy2: Ohh I've had that stuff man, that fuckin sucks. But I've gotten daves ghost pepper sauce in my eye on multiple occasions. Just that "Oh here we go, I fuckin did it again" feeling. Actually me and my friends used that stuff mostly for pranks. If your passed out at a silly time of day, sometimes that shit would be wiped onto your lips, fishhooked into your mouth etc. On one occasion my buddy had smeared it onto my lips in my sleep, causing me to wake up and not even realize what had woken me up until like a full minute passed and the intense burn was setting in. That stuff is hell. But I retaliated later that night during beer pong. I just walked up to him, awkwardly stared into his eyes for a few seconds, with my finger behind my back with a STUPID amount of the sauce on it, and just thrusted my finger into his mouth. : D asnof: I was so eager to try it that on my way home from the grocery store I put a test drop on my finger. It had me hacking and coughing all the way home. it didnt help that it was rush hour too. On an empty stomach it was so bad the second I moved I was in crippling pain. dudeguy2: Are you talking about daves ghost pepper sauce? that stuff will give your stomach a burn just like the burn in your mouth. Epically uncomfortable. asnof: Nope, it was the sauce I linked to. Im pretty sure it was because I had an empty stomach. When I got home I had some bread with butter and a guiness which seemed to help. As well as like half a cup of pepto bismol...lol

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InfernalCorbeau: TIFU: Told my teacher I'm bigger than him I was in my history class today, when my teacher handed out a test. Somebody asked if he used a typewriter to write it. He said yes and showed us the typewriter that he kept in the closet. Having a similar typewriter at home but in a much larger model, I mean't to say that my typewriter was older and bigger than his, what came out of my mouth was "HEY! I'm bigger than yours!"... I'm now serving 5 detentions over the next week and he gave me a 0% on the test... TheKneeOfTheArrow: Surely, you told him what you meant. The post doesn't tell us if you tried to explain yourself. InfernalCorbeau: At first he was just a little angry, then later I found out about the detentions and the test. So at the time I didn't know I was in trouble... So I didn't really apologize at first. ManiacDan: If this story isn't made up, you need to take this to the principal or higher. 5 detentions is excessive for a slip of the tongue. A 0% on the test is probably against district policy and the teacher owes you an apology. Academic punishments for non-academic offenses are almost always forbidden. InfernalCorbeau: I apologized to him today and explained what happened, he reduced it to 1 tardy (which is reasonable) and hes letting me retake the test... ManiacDan: Good InfernalCorbeau: Got a 98.6... LIEK A BAU5!

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johnclub22: TIFU: Asked a girl jokingly to "Please kill herself." Was taken seriously. Sitting at lunch with a couple friends, I was approached by K. K says "Hey J, guess who your car partner is for tomorrows field trip?" (Said very sarcastically to obviously imply it was her.) Now throughout the year and earlier this morning K had been a particularly annoying math partner. We were neutral in my opinion, but she was tipping the scale towards 'hostile'. Without thinking I replied very monotone to K "Could you kill yourself before tomorrow then?". Nothing happened, my friends all called me heartless and the day went on as usual. Later that night I was feeling particularly bad about the comment and texted her saying I was very sorry. A few minutes later I thought we had made up, and thought everything was back to normal. Wrong. The next morning K texted me "Oh by the way S told Dr. P (P is for principal) what you said to me. Even though I told her not to. You see at my school threats are taken VERY SERIOUSLY. A completely heterosexual boy was called a 'Fag' and ended up with a two week counseling on what he should do if seriously threatened by a homophobe. And the kid who made the comment was suspended for two days. Shit. So now I am going through the slowest most paranoid week of my life. Awaiting my punishment with horror. I need advice and I need to be yelled at for my mistakes. erotic_octopus: This is why people shouldn't joke about suicide. It's never funny. But yes, lesson learned. Just take your punishment and use it as a teachable moment or some shit. Rainbow_Gamer: Nothing is "never funny." erotic_octopus: I disagree. Stillhopefull: I respect your opinion, and will defend your right to express it in a civil manner. Have a good day. [deleted]: You are still hopefull..

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[deleted]: TIFU by idling in a handicap spot with my flashers on in a full parkinglot waiting to pick up my GF, only to cause a sweet elderly couple to have to walk a good 50 yards to the store. DAMNIT. [deleted]: on the bright side, they got much needed exercise. just dont do it again. GetThroughYourself: In the long ~~run~~ walk, old people don't really matter. Taking the handicapped spot from a truly disabled person, that would have sucked. Old people are not special because they have been here longer. You'll realize that as you become one of them. It's a sad truth we don't want you to learn. EDIT: "Sweet". You tasted them? You're the type of dude that ends up trying to pet a bear. [deleted]: you are right that it would have sucked that if a disabled person came by and needed that spot. but in this story, they didnt need the spot. lets keep it in perspective. the only people affected was the OP who felt bad and the old people who had to walk a bit further. ...and why would i want to pet a bear? thats about the stupidest insult anyone has tried insulting me with. i replied to this post like 2 weeks ago. i moved the eff on with my life. you should do the same. i mean all i said was "on the bright side, they got much needed exercise. just dont do it again. " tell me whats so bad about what i said?

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Tom72: TIFU: Didn't order my cap and gown for graduation a couple months ago. Checked what address to mail in the form + $20 late fee, then the website says they are not taking orders for my school. They all arrive on Friday. It was all procrastination, really, and some fear of asking my parents for the money when it was already past a certain date and having them chew me out. The website now says I will have to buy it from them when they arrive at my school this Friday. I messaged them asking if I could still mail my order, since they're located about 1 1/2 away from where I live. Mom was pissed. I can buy it Friday and just get to their desk quickly or ask to borrow a cousin's cap and gown, but that is just so shameful since I could have ordered it. [deleted]: isnt there stores you can buy a cap and gown? im asking because i am not sure. i hope you can get one in time. off to Google search... Tom72: Messages the guy who sells them. They will be selling then during school when they distribute then at school. [deleted]: ohok good. Congratulations!

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sniktaw: TIFU: I sharted my pants last night after my birthday dinner with my new girlfriend. Last night after dinner I shit my pants while letting out a fart. Dinner was preceded by a whole day (about 8hrs) spent with my new girlfriend. It was our second date. Not wanting to fart around her, I held in every one that begged its way out for that whole day. We got sandwiches and baked potatoes for dinner and on the walk back to my car I figured it was time to let one out. Mind you, after so many hours of holding it in, my stomach was hurting somethin' fierce - like it would explode at any minute from the pressure build-up. So by this point it was a life or death fart. Next to my girfriend I slowed my walk a bit to hang back, and reached around to grab and spread my left cheek. Instantly the day's gas whooshed out in a torrent of sweet release. Unfortunatly the evacuation was also made up of what I can only describe as sanatorum sans lube. The nasty frothy mixture I had brewed all day shot out and ran down the backs of both my legs, making it down to my ankles mid-walk. And because of the heat I had elected not to wear underwear. The rest of the night is a blur. I think the adrenaline rush that came from the subsequent panic mode caused me to partially black out. All I know is I never want that to happen again, to anyone anywhere. Dank_Dan: Did your girlfriend find out? sniktaw: She did not find out. My panic sent me straight into [Wolf mode](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ANL8L8RG0&feature=related). I debated ending the night right there and taking her home, but it was my birthday and we had already planned to watch a movie. My shart put the whole night on the edge of disaster. On the way home I made it known I really had to pee, and she agreed. Thankfully we have a hallway bathroom and I have one connected to my room. I had to think on my feet. Once she was behind a closed door I grabbed my pajama pants and ran to my bathroom. The damage was horrendous. I don't know if you've ever handled shit-soaked jeans, but it ain't pretty my friend. That shit was everywhere. Time running out, I sacrificed a few towels to the cause and wiped off what I could. It was the closest to a dry shower I could come. It sure isn't pretty but after I toweled off I threw on my pj's (for which she complimented me) and joined her on the couch. Talk about sweating bullets. My heart could have powered a fucking semi from the mix of adrenaline, self-hatred, and panic-induced terror that was running through it. But I made it man, I fucking made it. After the movie she was tired, I took her home, got a sweet goodnight kiss, and then finished the night with a good cry in the shower. Birthday well spent. Pudle_Digginz: She didn't smell it on the car ride home!? sniktaw: Windows down the whole way, no smell but the stink of the city. webb17: She had to have smelled it, no way someone can't smell a pair of shit filled pants 2 feet away Lesman: She definitely smelled it, had her suspicions confirmed when he went to pee and came back in a pair of PJs for no particular reason, but didn't say anything because she's a class act and likes the guy. She even complimented his PJs. Oh yes, she definitely knew. sniktaw: I don't know man, it was a short drive ~2 min, and I thought the pj's made sense since we were about to get under the covers for a movie. She's definitely a class act though, coolest girl I've met in years.

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c1o2d3y: TIFU. My car door will not open, I think it was the dog that jumped into my car a few days before. Looks like I might have to pay for the damages. I'm pretty pissed about it. First time I've hit anything on the road. I used a GPS to go to an outlet mall far from here. The damn GPS led me on a lonely gravel country road after I missed a turn. I'm going about 30-40 MPH and holding the GPS in one hand glancing up/down watching for traffic or curves. I saw this big ass black Labrador in the corner of my eye. The dog was running towards my car. I had no time to react. It was either swerve and risk crashing my car into the ditch or keep going. The fucker jumped right into the side of my car as I'm going 30-40 MPH. First thought was of the dog, he got back up. Second thought was that I should tell the owners. Third thought turned into laughter after I saw a little boy standing outside his house (laughter at the thought of me killing the family dog in front the little boy, I laugh at shit like this, I think it is a reaction caused by my anxiety.) The fourth thought was anger at the undisciplined dog and owners. So I just drove off thinking the dog was fine, and my car was fine. No point in me trying to explain to the owners what happened, the kid saw it all. If anything me going up there could of resulted in me paying the vet bills. So I try to open the passenger side of the car. The door opens just a little, and then I can feel resistance of the frames pushing together. **TL;DR A dog jumped into the side of my car, now my door is broke** **I might run out and look for a body shop here in town and edit with the estimate tonight. I'm so fucking pissed off though. That god damn dog could of caused a few hundred dollars of damage to my fucking car. I thought about trying to track down the owners, but that will surely result in a vet bill. Looks like that dog got fucked up, jumping into the side of my car.** **Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I might try and find a old high school friend to fix the damage, it doesn't look like much. It's just a dent.** afell: so you either pay for the car or the vet bill? pay for the car door.. probably less bitching at you involved c1o2d3y: Yeah that's what it looks like. I am afraid of talking to insurance because my rate might go up. I cannot even risk it. I just got the damn thing lowered because of my 3.0 in college, and I can still barely afford it. II might have to wait a minute to get it fixed. afell: it would def go up if you submit a claim, which is why it is better to go to a few places and see if they can help you. as long as your car still runs i'd wait as long as you can

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Casshole: TIFU: Got caught. Big time. My mom always comes home at 6:00. ALWAYS. But, the one day I decide not to lock my door, she get's home early. Oh, and that's not the best part. She caught me watching girl on girl (I'm bi) She freaked out, called my dad, and made me read out of the bible for two hours straight. Now I'm not allowed to have sleepovers with friends, or ever hang out with anyone outside of school, and summer's almost here. *sighs* And that's not the worst part. Not only did she find out that I was bi, but that I also might have a bondage fetish. Sorry if this TIFU is long, sorry if it's not. I just needed to rant. *In reply to some comments wanting the link for "science" here it is: http://www.redtube.com/119704 *And in reply to other comments, I'm not atheist, I do believe in God. I just don't belong to religion in general, because I personally think that they're all fucked. Thanks for reading. *Thank you guys so much. My friend convinced me to show my mom some of the comments on this post, and at first she got mad; but then she apologized. She cried and said that she didn't want me to go through what her step sister did when she came out. She still thinks that it's wrong, but she said that if I really am bi, that she'll try to be supportive in the best way she can. Me and her both cried, alot. I guess this experience was a good one for me and her, and now I think we're a bit closer. Thanks, Reddit! [deleted]: Reading bible for 2 hours for watching lesbian porn? I'm glad I'm an atheist. xG33Kx: >Parents Derp If she told her mom she was an athiest, she'd probably be exorcised or something. [deleted]: >If she told her mom she was an athiest, she'd probably be exorcised or something. Oh America. xG33Kx: [Oh, europe](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/36jadg/) [deleted]: That't why I disrespect the past of my Europe... xG33Kx: >Invade, conquer, and kill natives >Slave trade >Black men are worth 2/3 of a person >Segregation Yeah, my country's past isn't very tolerant, either. [deleted]: Let's create a time machine and correct all the mistakes people In the past have done :-D xG33Kx: Like stop their parents from giving birth to the cast and creator of jersey shore? [deleted]: Kinda :D

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noirthesable: TIFU: Inadvertently drank a soda that had expired... over half a decade ago. I'd found out that a vending machine at a shopping center near my house had "Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper." I *loved* B&C Dr. Pepper, and bought one, happy that they brought it back. Took a huge swig, got a mouthful of tepid, flat, sour, and slightly fuzzy black crap. As it turns out, they didn't bring it back -- the staff of the shopping center had just completely neglected that vending machine. Ended up vomiting right there on the sidewalk. I'm still flushing my mouth out with mouthwash right now as I type. homesarstar: I smell a lawsuit... (Assuming you go the sue-happy route) xhighalert: Fucking do it. ChoborobOt: And get them to bring it back not only in the US but over here in Europe! gulsado: Not to mention Australia. We hardly even get regular Doctor Pepper. Talonus11: This. I love Dr Pepper, but because it has to get imported it's always $2.50+ a can (whereas cans should never be more than a dollar normally) Jez_WP: Buying them one at a time cold? I'm happy to find one for $1.50 when I'm in the city or on campus. Andrew Scipione made a point the other day that a sixpack of cold beer can be cheaper per can than that. I'd drink Dr Pepper more if it weren't for the corn syrup, that stuff is scary. [deleted]: No, that stuff is corn, and is just as natural as regular ass sugar.* *according to the Corn Farmers of America.. Caffeinewriter: "Exactly, regular ass sugar that has been concentrated beyond the point of recognition and loaded up with chemicals that will most likely mutate the human genome someday. Have fun with your cannibalistic-3-eyed-8-dicked children." I say as I down some drink that has high fructose corn syrup. [deleted]: OMG, it has 2.5 percent more fructose than sugar. HFCS is literally Hilter. Caffeinewriter: You are completely right! I'll contact the UN at once!!!

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clearedasfiled: TIFU I said "look there's a bald eagle"...but on closer inspection it was a crow with a styrofoam cup in its beak. Shadradson: I just spit tea on my keyboard. clearedasfiled: My apologies

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sicknastymax: TIFU: Blacked out, fell into a tree, made out with an ugly gay guy, and then puked on my mom. Well we had some rum. Fuck it we had A LOT of rum. We ended up going into a house in construction and just after we left the cops showed up and told us to quiet down. We went into the back yard and I was too drunk to stand and when I fell it was like a tree falling. I never even put my arms out. I fell into a flower pot and broke it, then I fell into a bench and messed up my knee, and then I fell into a tree and ripped out my earring. Thats about the last thing I remember. Apparently I made out with some ugly gay kid... so much shame, smashed the two bottles on the ground and got a few cuts, and when I got home I puked on my mom lol. I am absolutely covered from head to toe in cuts and bruises and this morning I woke up naked. My knee hurts so bad I cant even walk. FML ionataan: how old are you? sicknastymax: 19 Ive been doin this for years. This is just one of many many stories. Some might go so far as to call me an alcoholic. trav110: I would agree... You sound pretty out of control when you're drunk.

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hoss9424: TIFU: Jokingly told a guy today to go die in a fire, immediately found out he is a volunteer firefighter. I think I will now remove that phrase from my vernacular. Michi_THE_Awesome: Sometimes our troll brains get the best of us. I have an uncontrollable urge to tell dead baby jokes around pregnant women. It feels like almost every other woman is pregnant here and the urge is killing me. hoss9424: I felt absolutely horrible when he said he was a volunteer firefighter and that was a possibility. Michi_THE_Awesome: *sympathy nod*

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TheTopDawgg: Today I accidentally pulled my pants down in the middle of a busy restaurant. [deleted]: If you're American, how embarrassing! [If you're British](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwbpY4eNOgE), when's the trial? Bazzatron: About that video, the thing that always got me (as an Englishman) is that we have [Chips](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tBc30HuteGs/TZOIl8CBPrI/AAAAAAAAAn8/gyH4Olx6TDg/s1600/Beef%2Bfat%2Bchips.JPG) and [Fries](http://uploads.mandomhood.com/files/IMG_0193.jpg) and [Crisps](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/Potato-Chips.jpg/250px-Potato-Chips.jpg), all of these words are in use, so if you suddenly call [Fries(UK)](http://uploads.mandomhood.com/files/IMG_0193.jpg) > [Chips(US)](http://uploads.mandomhood.com/files/IMG_0193.jpg), and [Crisps(UK)](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/Potato-Chips.jpg/250px-Potato-Chips.jpg) > [Chips(US)](http://uploads.mandomhood.com/files/IMG_0193.jpg), then when I want [Chips(UK)](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tBc30HuteGs/TZOIl8CBPrI/AAAAAAAAAn8/gyH4Olx6TDg/s1600/Beef%2Bfat%2Bchips.JPG)... what the hell do I ask for?? ##with convenient image tags to avoid further confusion :D ## [deleted]: POTATOES PLEASE. Bazzatron: Maybe I should drag my knuckles and lick the cashiers desk while I'm at it? XD Are those kind of "fries" even served in the US?

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[deleted]: TIFU: I got into a taxi (drunk) and gave the driver my phone and £30 in case I puked. He wouldn't give them back to me and I let him drive away. Yeah, so I was in a bit of a bad way and the taxi driver wanted "insurance" in case I vomited in the car. I gave him £20. Later on in the journey I was feeling queezy, so he stopped the taxi and demanded an extra £10 plus my phone. I stupidly handed them over. When the car stopped I asked him for my money and phone back since I hadn't vomited and he just shook his head. I... let... him... drive... away... I also didn't catch the registration or taxi firm he was working for. FML germdisco: Never give a taxi driver anything that you want back. I try to (but can't always) carry some small bills so I don't have to ask for much change back. pastizzi: Ohhh sorry... no change.

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Screwedupdude: TIFU more than once TL;DR I find my father's sex drawer, realise my mother is on menopause (not that bad but a bit weird to think about) and might have an infected ass from using a dirty carrot dildo. So the T in this case is Tuesday. And to preface things, I'm a dude. Who doesn't consider himself all that gay. So on Tuesday I was at home on study leave (A levels woop) and was feeling horny. A couple of times before I've used the odd object around the house as a sex toy. So today, as my parents are out, I decide to find something. I pick the 3 medium sized carrots from the fridge, thinking that I could handle them all. I then look for a condom as I don't have any lube and vaseline isn't fantastic. It turned out that I'd already used all my rubbers beforehand so I thought I'd look for one my dad's. Fuck up numero uno incoming. While looking through his drawers, I stumble across his apparent sex drawer. It was filled with about 4 or 5 bottles of lube, some pretty empty, some flavoured and some normal as well as some books on various types of sex and positions. I had never come across this before so I was kind of shocked. I hadn't really thought of my parents having sex before so it was an unfortunate discovery. The wave of horniness returned and I decided I would use some of his lube instead of the condom (which he had none of, leading me to believe my mother is on menopause, which could be fuck up number two). I reached in and took the 'Big Banana' one which turned out to be banana flavoured. So I got to work and finished off but I hadn't played with myself in that way for a while so I couldn't take more than one carrot, which was a shame since it meant they were a waste. To then hide the evidence, I went outside and chucked the carrots into a hedge but because they were lubed up, I didn't chuck one very far and in fact was nearly unreachable but visible. This is where all the logs for fires are so it isn't a great place for a random carrot to be found. Regardless, I leave it and go back into the house. A while later, a new bout of horniness arrives and I was to dildo myself again. Because of the way horny minds work, I thought I would chance retrieving the visible carrot, that had been on the ground for a while now, and use that. I get it, going through some brambles and over a log pile, and clean it up a bit, using some handwash. I finish and throw it away properly. Now for the past couple of days, my asshole has been itching quite badly, leading me to believe I might have some kind of bacteria/bug in my ass. This scares me and is my other fuck up. I feel really bad now about the whole experience Sleepy_McTiredson: Dude, you're an idiot. joinedjusttosaythis: As a wise man once said, anal stimulation makes fools of us all. Tgbtgbt: Who the hell said that?

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hungrydyke: TIFU: Broke my hand, missed the ortho appointment, can't do laundry. I broke my hand at rugby practice last night. I was late to work today so I could get an x-ray. They scheduled me an appointment for the orthopedic surgeon, but I couldn't get there because my gf crashed her car and has been taking mine to work. Now I'm home, down to my last undies, and I can't get the top off the fucking laundry detergent. It's also hot as fuck and I can't take my shirt off. Done. coveritwithgas: Who tightened the lid on the thing? Wedge it between the bicep north of the broken hand and your torso, use your other hand on the lid and twist. And you can take your shirt off with one hand. You'll have to learn to do this and everything else in very short notice: they're gonna put a cast on, and it could be there for months. hungrydyke: I'm pretty sure the hulk was doing my laundry prior. I got it off by putting the bottle between my feet. Lord, it's gonna be a long month/s. Thanks for the tip :)

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peper224: TIFU: I almost blinded myself by putting whiteout in my eyes instead of eye-drops. Today I woke up and my eyes were killing me because of the contacts that I wear. Half asleep, I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed a bottle and unscrewed the top and tilted in into my eye. The texture of the drop was not normal so I freaked out and wiped my finger across my eye to get it out. I then ran to my bathroom to see what happened. Turning on the light, I looked into my hand to see my contact covered in whiteout. I had a bottle of eye-drops and whiteout next to my bed and I grabbed the wrong one. I am not supposed to sleep with my contacts in and if I hadn't I would have probably blinded myself. Along with that I had to yank out quite a few of my eyelashes because the white-out dried on them and I couldn't get it off. Spk4420: Wow, that sounds painful! Anything to the eye is. When my daughter was about three, I was laying on my back on the floor. She decided to throw a DVD case, and the corner of the thin side hit me directly in the eye. I've never felt such intense pain before in my life. I screamed like it was bloody murder and I thought I was going to lose my eye. She freaked out of course, but after I made sure I was ok, I made sure that everything was fine, that it was an accident and to never throw anything like that again. Also, this happened to a friend. If you've ever worked with PVC pipe, you're probably familiar with PVC glue and primer. Well he was using the glue and what he was working on was above him. Well it ended up dripping right into his eye. He said it was excruciating pain. Then gelled up and had to peel the stuff out of his eye. He got lucky he didn't lose his eye also. peper224: That's insane! Yeah I can't handle messing with my eyes. Contacts are the max I can do, anything else gets to me.

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herhighness: TIFU: Caused damage to company car...again. I work for a company that provides a car for me-a 2011 VW Jetta TDI fully loaded. I don't really need a company car but the owner is generous. Anyhow I was on the way to home and stopped by the Wendy's drive through for a small meal. When I pulled up to the first window no one came to take my money so when the car ahead of me pulled out I pulled ahead thinking they were taking the money and handing the food out from the same window. After I pulled forward a bit a woman from the first window called out and I stopped and put the car in reverse and backed up as did the car behind me. Ii stopped and decided to just jump out and hand the woman my money but when I got out I forgot to put it in park. The car rolled back and I put the gear in park instead of trying to jump in and step on the break. I avoided hitting the car behind me. I quickly handed the money to the woman and thought I was home free until I noticed the car door had been open and was bent back towards the front of the car. Fortunately the door closes and the window rolls up properly but there is a dent and I have no idea what will need to be done with the door to fix it. I am shaking as I type this. It is Friday and I am not due in to work until Tuesday. I know I need to call my boss but I haven't yet. Plus I will have to pay for this. Shit fuck fuck fuck foxxinsox: How many times have you done this before? How long ago? asnof: Not sure if this is the same guy but I read a post before saying one guy was trying to race with his company car and drove it into a ditch or something similar. If I recall correctly it was about 1 or 2 months ago. You have until tuesday, you know that little nest egg you have saved up? Kiss it goodbye and get that car into a shop asap. If its the second time you have damaged company property if your boss is smart he isnt going to trust you a third time. If all goes well he will never even know. Autobody shops sometimes have a dent puller(pretty much a really strong suction cup) that might work depending if the frame is plastic and where it is. herhighness: I thought about seeing if I could fix it on the DL but after having a friend of mine who works in a body shop come look at it he says that it is more damage than I thought. I may need a new door. I will get estimates asap. Hopefully I can find some body shops open on the weekend. Yeah, my savings is gone after this.

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Amora86: TIFU: I broke my brand-new-never-been-used-before bicycle lock Was looking for my brand new bicycle lock so I could go commuting tomorrow. When I found it I tried the key to open it, in my dumbest self, since I didn't know which way to turn it I think I turned it at the wrong way and... broke the lock thing into pieces. Hurray for me and my stupid strenght! At this time the stores are already close, no commuting for me tomorrow. jimicus: Agree with other posters. Take that lock back where you bought it, there is no way anyone short of The Incredible Hulk should be able to break a bike lock into pieces with their bare hands. Amora86: It was the lock thing that conects to the key. With this I learnt not to buy a cheap locker next time...*sigh*... try the locker the next day and keep the receipt. I know, IFU this time. stalker7d7: "The lock thing that connects to the key"? What? Regardless, no part of a lock should be able to be broken (or harmed in any way) with bare hands. Demand a refund, or a replacement with a higher quality lock.

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zachglover1127: TIFU. Resin Straight to the Eye. Earlier today I woke up and went about my daily routine. Well after I had showered i proceeded to smoking before I left for the gym. Everything was going fine and I was pretty high when I realized that my bowl was clogged. I used a thumbtack and unclogged it. The bad part then happened. I blew the excess resin and ash out and a piece decided to find its way to my eyeball...Needless to say automatic discomfort is what i felt. I tried flushing my eyes, and even getting back into the shower. Nothing seemed to take away the feeling of scraping on the top of my eyeball. So to the Optomotrist I went. Where i spent 3 hours waiting to see the doc. 10 minutes after the doc was in to see me he had the piece of resin out and my eye felt worlds better. For some reason he thought the crud was salad. (how high are you I thought) Paid my visit bill and was on my way. Michael_Facts: You get high before the gym?! lady_farowin: Its actually pretty fun. Smoke some, then go for a run on the track. It's awesome. aitigie: Yeah, I definitely wouldn't recommend it for strength training or anything involving heavy weights. But for running / cycling / longboarding / etc, it's pretty great. [deleted]: I actually find I lift waaaaay better when I'm still kinda coming down from being stoned.

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why_fist_puppies: TIFU: My girlfriend's dad, who has been visiting for her graduation, is deaf in one ear. He flipped a shit today and accused me of ignoring him and being ungrateful. I'm kind of a quiet talker and I get real uncomfortable around in-laws. Between these two factors, he believes I haven't spoken a word to him in three days. nuxenolith: Quit being beta and elevate your voice a few decibels? why_fist_puppies: Take your "alpha", macho dick-waving elsewhere, please. nuxenolith: TIFU shouldn't be your personal invitation to the pity party. You don't deserve sympathy for a problem that could easily be solved with a slight increase in speaking volume. You yourself seem to be sufficiently alpha/macho/dick-waving here on the net. Translate this to real-life experience? why_fist_puppies: I don't want or need your sympathy, I just wanted to share a story I thought was worth telling. If I wanted advice, I would've gone to that board.