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Northernskyaboveme: TIFU X 2! Not tinder! Bad Christmas! Went to the next town over, Shelbyville we’ll call it. Called up my buddy who is from there, owed him a lunch. Told him to choose where, so he says “ The Pub”. We go there and sit down and order lunch. As we’re eating the only other guy in the place, kinda shambles over with his phone in his hand, he’s prolly 3/4’s drunk. So I have a smart mouth most of the time. Buddy says to us “ sorry to bother you guys, can I ask you which one you think is best?” Me being the Smart mouth says “ what ya got open? Tinder?” Figuring that’s a good bet. He might be talking about tinder... Guy looks at me sorta with this shell shocked look and says, “No! Urns, I’m trying to pick out an Urn for my dad.” I’m wishing the floor would open up an swallow me whole...I then say “Sorry to hear that when did he pass?” Guy looks at me again and says “Christmas Day”. Faaaaaaaaccccckkk! I fucked that up! My buddy looks at me like “WTF, dude I have to live here, shut up” I have no words. A comedy of errors. I’m not an asshole, I swear! TLDR/ a guy asks me to look at something on his phone, I jokingly say What is it Tinder? Nope Urns to put his fathers ashes in. Malfunctioning_npc69: You sound like a douche bag, no wonder you have to go to a complete different town to have friends Northernskyaboveme: Swear to god, I'm not! Just one of those foot in mouth kinda days. He wascool with it though. I just felt real bad about it.

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[deleted]: TIFU by watching wrong Tik-tok [deleted] Whytmage: I absolutely don't care about any perception of broken English. I see a lot of people apologise for it as not their native language, and I'm always like I never would have known. But for the love of God TIFU posters, can you *please* add paragraph breaks? Giant wall of text is a huge turn off. Col_Gunter: Kinda fixed it, I guess.

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RepresentativeNew718: TIFU by taking MDMA and enjoying it to much [removed] agillenk: God, I knew where this was going a mile away. I hope your wife finds out and leaves you. RepresentativeNew718: I would never think of doing something like that ever man, its a mistake agillenk: ? You chose to take drugs and to have sex with someone else RepresentativeNew718: i was not myself, i lost it fully man, it was just something that became out of the situation, im not even into trans women g womaneatingsomecake: >it was just something that became out of the situation >i was not myself "Sentences both my cheating exs told me after they cheated, for 500!" RepresentativeNew718: ive messed up ill admit that, didnt cheat, and i would never go for someone whos not a cis women Exotic_Swordfish_845: Dude we already know you're a shit hole. No need to throw transphobia into the mix too 🤢 SD455TransAm: Dude is a jackass, but saying you're only attracted to women is now transphobic? C'mon now. Exotic_Swordfish_845: No, he can be attracted to whomever! It's not like sleeping with a trans girls is gonna "turn him gay" or some shit. I was just referring to his fixation on the fact that she was trans in the post and comments. SD455TransAm: It's a pretty important detail to mention, especially when he's married, dont you think? Exotic_Swordfish_845: Tbh I feel like the bigger detail is the fact he cheated on his wife??? Who it was with and what her genitalia are seems much less relevant tbh. Although the fact she's just 19 is ick SD455TransAm: Please be careful when getting down from that horse of yours. It's awful high.

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xX_Puss_destroyer_Xx: TIFU by installing linux Alright so a few days ago my laptop which was from 2012 was being too slow and i had enough of it so i tried getting pop os which is a popular linux os so i got it on a usb stick and flashed it and everything was going well until moving it to my hard drive SO I TRY AND MAKE IT A DUAL BOOT which means for you to have 2 os on a device but everytime i keep trying it wouldnt work so i got mad and decided to stay on windows but due to how many times i formatted the disk uhh.... windows was gone. But eh i didnt have that many private files so i go back to pop os and try and just do a clean install and wipe whats left of windows and it all seems fair and well until.... The installation failed. i began to panic because this is my only device i have and i dont know what to do i wanna try and get windows on this flash but i dont have a device for that to download on so currently im now stuck in demo mode of pop os where i have to now use my device with 16 gbs of space instead of 500 gbs which also has slow speeds and everytime i login i gotta relogin into everything so yeah if i any linux geek nerd out there can help i'd like a dm i can send the log file but i dont think i can send it ps: i've decided to stick with linux still because even at low read and write speeds its surprisingly smooth and the ui is MUCH cleaner TL;DR By installing linux it deleted windows and itself doesnt want to install Only install linux if you know what the fuck you are doing Andrewoholic: If you do revert back to windows, you can download it for free off the Microsoft website Somewhere on your laptop, is a sticker with your Microsoft key. Usually underneath. xX_Puss_destroyer_Xx: i dont think i can i really want to get windows back to reinstall maybe linux mint? but my dad gave me this usb and i dont want him to think i fucked up alot Far_Replacement8733: Honestly op, if it’s your laptop I wouldn’t worry about your dad, most of the time you learn OS installation and navigation on your own, you’ll end up in these situations at the beginning. Just do some research on what distro would work best for you, and just get it installed. It’s a learning experience either way.

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love_zaza: TIFU by ruining a proposal I had way too fun that was supposed to. I'm 14F, his friend (nn Arch) is 18M, my brother's friend's sister (nn Lia) is 22F and her ex (Scum) is 23M. I was out letting my dog, Tofona, run the fields of the campsite I'm staying with my family when she saw a butterfly. It was the pretty blue ones so we started chasing it. Turns out Scum was there and he was gonna propose to his new girlfriend (tbh i feel bad for her, she is so pretty and she cuffed by that scum). The pretty blue butterfly flew straight through the proposal scene (he was already one kneeing it). First, Tofana ran through and I was being a responsible owner and going after her. BUT I didn't realise that it was Scum proposing. If it wasn't, I would've apologised but this little piece of king charles and chlamydia cheated on Lia who is the most wonderful person. He got mad at me for ruining the proposal and my coat for knocking the ring from the box (my trench coat was unbuttoned and very loosely tied, I like how it flies back). I was like , yea ok I'll help you find the ring in the grass so when the two of them started looking, I ran for it to the other end of the campsite. When I told my brother, we were laughing so hard that we had tears and our stomachs ached. After, we called Arch and cue the collective laughter workout. Now Tofana is sleeping and my brother and I are playing monopoly for 5th night in a row (I'm winning). TL,DR \- ran through the proposal of my brother's friend's sister's ex \- I was chasing a pretty blue butterfly with my dog \- offered to help but made a run for it \- laughed abt it with my brother and his friend Grammasweets: Does "ESH" apply in this sub?? Fun-Pea-880: OP is 14. So immaturity is to be expected.

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tvkyle: TIFU by eating a Hot Pocket Background: I like Hot Pockets. I've eaten them fairly often for the past 20 years. They're relatively cheap and can be ready in under 3 minutes. This is perfect for a lazy soul like me. I currently work at an office-type building with a community fridge/freezer in the break room. Everyone tosses their lunches in, and most people put their names on their meals. I like to bring in Hot Pockets for lunch sometimes, but I remove them from the box. It's just a wrapped tasty treat, with that iconic crisping sleeve. Occasionally, I'll bring one in but not eat it that day, whether that's because I ate something else provided by the office or maybe I brought 2 but only ate one. Lately, I've been on a kick of eating the Pepperoni Pizza flavored Hot Pockets. Walmart sells a big pack of 10, so I'm on Cloud Nine. Every once in a while, I forget that I've eaten my stash and then I have to buy something from the vending machine or go out. Blah. (Of note: people work here all hours of the day. Daytime, nighttime, overnight, weekends, holidays, everything.) Now to today: I got hungry and went to the freezer to see if I had any Hot Pockets still there. SUCCESS! There was one remaining, in the spot where I put mine - top shelf, left side. I unwrapped it, microwaved it, and sat down to dig in. I took one bite, and it sure as heck didn't taste like pizza. It was *broccoli cheddar*. Nothing against that flavor, but it's not what I bring to work. I haven't bought that kind in months. That's when it hit me: I stole somebody's Hot Pocket. So now there's an unknown coworker out there missing a broccoli cheddar Hot Pocket. Sorry, whoever you are, for robbing you of that joy valued at $2.29. TL;DR - I ate what I thought was my lunch, but it belonged to someone else and now I'm a Hot Pocket thief. Spiritual_Poo: Are Hot Pockets having a negative effect on your day to day life? EquivalentDig421: Other than some shameful diarrhea? Nah

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[deleted]: TIFU by drinking too much? [deleted] redbucket75: Uhm, was someone else pouring your drinks? AegeanBlueA264: I mean, the bartender was. I only remember drinking the drinks that the bartender made at my “home” bar. redbucket75: If you didn't drink enough to black out, and you blacked out for hours and there's an unknown dude's clothes in your home, you may have been the victim of a spiked drink. Which would not be your fault in any way. Talk to your friends about what happened during the rest of the night first, and if this seems plausible you may wish to seek further support and consider reporting it to authorities.

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DragonfruitVast6075: TIFU by masturbating with shampoo So this actually happened yesterday. I was home alone and I was feeling like it so I started beating it. But I noticed I didn’t lotion, so to compensate for that I used shampoo. It was all going well till’ later that day were my balls started stinging and burning a bit. I didn’t think much of it so I just went on by my day. So that same day I went to take a bath to see if I could stop the burning. It made it worse. My balls were burning like hell itself, it was the most gut wrenching sensation I’ve had. Every time I touched them they would start burning and stinging. The pain just wouldn’t go away. Ok now going forward the next day(today) I woke up in intense pain in my balls. Somehow the burning and stinging got worse, So I immediately took bath to fix it; the bath surprisingly worked. But my balls still burning and stinging a little bit. So ye, this was my fuck up. If you know how to fix this, pls, help me. TL;DR I used shampoo instead of lotion to beat it, then my balls started burning and stinging. Update: the affected area has been getting better and it doesn’t sting anymore, but it burns just a tad bit. But while taking a bath I noticed my skin was peeling off, is that good or bad. LaguThenics: Sounds weird that its your balls hurting and not the head or the hole DragonfruitVast6075: It’s all, my balls burning, the head not so much but the hole hurts LaguThenics: The hole burning is not surprising at all, because soaps irritate your skin down there. Soap/shampoo is never a good lubricant... DragonfruitVast6075: Learned that the hard way LaguThenics: Same here, but luckily I "only" got to experience the hole burning for a couple of days when peeing DragonfruitVast6075: It has happened to me before, but not the burning expat_mel: Kiddo, if something has caused any sort of irritation before, you should not use it again! You can end up causing more painful or severe reactions and potentially even long-term damage! Buy yourself some generic, scent-free lotion from any pharmacy or grocery store and keep it somewhere easy to get to so you don't run into this issue again.

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finders14: TIFU By not realising that money doesn’t transfer from my savings on a Sunday I 18M am (or was…) visiting someone in Germany… Yesterday we argued and came to the conclusion I should leave (one I agreed with…) issue? I had no money to my name… Basically I have a savings account tied up in stocks or such the like… I put as much money into it as I can (as I can be quite the impulsive spender… Hence why I also don’t have a credit card…) I have only withdrawn from it once before… And so a few days ago I realised I was running somewhat low. So I put in the order to sell £500 worth of stocks then withdraw it (this was on Monday…) I was in no hurry I still have around £100 and I was staying with someone so I figured no problems… Well… The stocks had sold around Thursday/Friday and I asked to withdraw… Still figuring all was fine I purchased food for myself etc. Now fast forward to the argument. I was suddenly in a situation where I had no money and faced with being asked to leave where I was staying. I requested too stay a single more night. Since Sunday would make the maximum “3 days” it takes to withdraw I figured all would be fine… Now I wake up there is no money in my account I remember it’s Sunday I realise it’s not going to be in my account and I’m fucked… I cannot stay where I am much longer and I respect that. But I have £5 to my name. I have looked at selling my AirPods for quick hotel cash. Surprised! Everything is shut on Sunday😭 So rn I’m facing the prospect of spending the night outdoors until 16:00 the next day when the money *should* come in. Lesson learnt keep more money on me… TL;DR took longer than expected to withdraw from savings, asked to leave where I was staying, now spending the night homeless 🎉 Van_GOOOOOUGH: Those fucking banking hours have ruined me so many times just like that too. Moppermonster: To be fair, they no longer exist for most things. I can easily transfer money from my savings to my main account right now, and it will take less than a second to process. This is true 24/7. Selling stock however is different... Van_GOOOOOUGH: Yes selling stock take several days and people must be patient for that. But my bank account still pretends that the world has ended every Saturday and sunday. I hate it.

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babolat12: TIFU by leaving the ‘Clone a Willy’ that I made for my Girlfriend at my parents house A couple years ago I decided I’d make one of those ‘Clone a Willy’ dildos for my girlfriend as a present and abit of a joke. (For anyone who doesn’t know, it basically makes a replica of your penis but in dildo form) However, we were between moving houses at the time of this and needed to store things at my nearby parents house. The penis was one of the many things which was left there whilst we were moving into our new house. Flash forward to last week, my dad tells me he’s going to have a clear out of all my old stuff in my room and wardrobe for storage. Thinking nothing of it, I let him do his thing and carry on until it suddenly occurred to me that this Clone a cock was still in my wardrobe at my parents house. After panicking about the situation, I remembered that I’d stored it in a bag, behind a small chest of drawers within the wardrobe which I presumed he wouldn’t have been able to find. Ahh how wrong I was! I went to visit yesterday and went for a look in the wardrobe whilst I was there to check what he’d removed. The Clone a Willy had disappeared and was no longer where I left it. I began rummaging through every single drawer and shelf within that room and still could not find it. Sooo either he’s not realised what was in the bag and thrown it in the loft/bin. Or has opened it and realised that his son has a purple Clone a Willy in his wardrobe and then MOVED it somewhere else. Both me and my partner find this hilarious more than anything however I may now have to have a very awkward conversation with him and ask where my model penis is. TL;DR I left the ‘Clone a Willy’ mould I made for my girlfriend at my parents house and it’s now disappeared. scouse34: Hopefully he hasn't given it to your mum RulingHighness: That's grim. Equally as bad as that snippet of Harry using the cream on his dick that his mum used to use on her lips. Zaku0083: Wait what? barkbarkkrabkrab: Prince Harry's book. Apparently he got dick frostbite right before William's wedding Sixhaunt: I feel like the rest of the world thought "Harry potter" not "prince Harry" with that cheesypuzzas: Okay, that's hilarious and disgusting. I can definitely imagine a part in the book, in which Harry has his mom's old stuff and doesn't know that the lip thing is not for his penis. Sixhaunt: What I find amusing is that there are probably hundreds of us who read the initial comment and immediately envisioned it with Harry Potter in that kind of situation. I'm not sure I would have ever understood who they actually meant if someone else hadn't asked about it. cheesypuzzas: But it also makes so much sense. They said 'snippet'. So that could be a part in the movie or book. And they said 'his mom used to use'. And Harry Potter's mom is obviously dead, so that she used to use a product is not weird.

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t4nk78: TIFU by saying "hey!" one more time... I'll preface this by saying that I'm not really an asshole. Me and my wife get along great, but we love talking mad shit to each other and generally aggravating each other. It's sweet and I suppose it's how we flirt with each other. Anyways, I was about to make a run to the store and I interrupted her cleaning to ask if we needed anything else from the store. "Hey!" I said. Her: turns off vacuum. "Do we need trashbags?" Her: "why don't you go see for yourself?" Turns vacuum back on and continues. "Hey!" I interjected again. Her: vacuum turns off, this time accompanied by a "hmmf" under her breath. "Do you want some baanaanaaaas?" I inquired. She gives me the finger and says to fuck off. Obviously she's not interested in bananas so I head out the door. As I'm strolling innocently to the driveway, the devil on my shoulder turns to me and says "go say 'hey!' again!" I'm all like, nah I don't know. What do you think? I turn to the angel on my right, and he's like "yeah! Do it!!!" That was 4 hours ago and counting. Now I can watch football in peace. TL;DR - I said "hey!" one too many times to my wife who was busy doing something and now she won't speak to me. KrankySilverFox: Look for yourself if you have trash bags. You’re a grown ass man. My hubby gets the finger from for doing this.🤬 t4nk78: It was all in jest. I already knew we needed them! KrankySilverFox: Here’s a tip for you. if your “jests” are annoying your wife..save for another time. t4nk78: I'd love to possess the amount of resolve required to resist but the temptation is just too great. ardentArcane: this is an excellent way to have no wife in the immortal words of Prof. Oak, "There's a time and place for everything, but not now." t4nk78: Don't fret, we've moved past this horrible obstacle in our marriage. I think we'll pull through!

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0mewmew0: TIFU misinterpreting the use of mussy So I F(20) was trying to give useful advice to my sister (26) she had something on her lip that was bothering her. It looked slightly inflamed and sore so she was sending pictures into our family group chat of us two and our parents. She kept sending really blurry images so she had to send about 10 so we could properly see. Pushing her luck, my mum asked my sister to send another picture so we could all inspect in more detail. To which my sister jokingly responded- ‘stop making me send pictures of my mussy’. She is quite fair and by no means has a moustache but that was what she was referring to. Indulging in todays sense of humour has deeply corrupted my brain now, so naturally I assumed she meant mussy in the same sense as bussy. I messaged her privately about how I laughed but it seemed so wrong that she would say that, to which she responded with complete confusion. To cut a really not so long story short, I’ve just had to explain the concept of a bussy and somehow a mcnussy (mcnugget ussy) to my clueless sister to which she hasn’t replied to, and I genuinely don’t blame her. I honestly don’t know why mcnussy was the only other example I could think of but it was. Hopefully she doesn’t dwell on the absolute nonsense I’ve just messaged her. TL;DR I just had to explain what a bussy was to my sister because I mistook her use of mussy. Both-Pop-7957: All these words seem made up and nonsensical. Edit: why are people downloading this comment simply because the slang words sound silly and I pointed that out and to add to that nobody's actually told me what they mean yet and I don't feel like having that in my search history if it's something terrible cosmernaut420: Technically, all words are made up and nonsensical until enough people arbitrarily agree it constitutes language now. Both-Pop-7957: Yes, but this is the first time I've ever seen any of these words and I have no idea what they mean maybe I'm just old.

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[deleted]: TIFU with hanging out with him ? [deleted] Caimthehero: He's said that he wants to be fwb, you've said youre not interested in that but would still like to be friends. I mean no offense but he's treating you like a friend, guys don't need to text their friends every day. Some of my better friends I talk to weekly at most. It sounds like you're expecting girlfriend treatment from this guy. If you feel like he's a bad friend or just wants to fuck and is using a friendship angle to get there then he isn't your friend and never will be, cut him out. Edit: If any of my friends ever said I don't text them enough and I need to text them daily, I would end the friendship. When girls I've dated asked, I've done it. See the difference. yellowhoodespr3sso: > guys don't need to text their friends every day I completely agree with your point , neither do I expect him to text me everyday , but leaving a conversation unattended in a middle of the talk is annoying , which makes me feel intentionally ignored , and this person is one of the very few friends I have and he is well aware of it Caimthehero: Respectfully, you've said this guy is very popular and has a lot going on. It might not be intentionally ignored so much as you're not as high of a priority now as you were before. Now it is disrespectful if he is leaving you read on a question or on plans to hang out but if he's not doing that repeatedly (ie bad friend) then it's probably there was little left to say in the conversation. yellowhoodespr3sso: agreed , thank you!

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[deleted]: TIFU Made a game that made my bf tell everyone what other girls he would like to f*ck. [deleted] liltonk: Does “fuck around and found out” seem appropriate here? z-eldapin: That should be the name of the game. As if 'laziest' is going to be well received.

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somewhereinks: TIFU By Chasing Elusive Bugs In My Apartment [removed] AcrobaticSource3: Ugh, you gotta burn that place down and move far far away gg_iloveyou: Did… did you finish reading the post? It wasn’t bugs Missedmyplane714: I was joking man. gg_iloveyou: Who are you? Edit: Ohhh you replied to op too Cool joke man

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Moohabbb_: TIFU MY DAD fucked up [removed] AllanfromWales1: How old are you? Moohabbb_: Im 18 AllanfromWales1: Thing is, if the choice is between them staying together and fighting all the time, sometimes physically, or them splitting up, it's not obvious that staying together is the better option. Couple counselling can help, but they both need to accept compromises if it's going to work.

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[deleted]: Tifu by being accidentally racist [deleted] brotha_rich_hung: Wtf did I just read There needs to be an age requirement for reddit. noobyoof12345: Wdym

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[deleted]: TIFU by peeing myself on a date with my crush [deleted] MajestaHazel: I’m failing to understand why you didn’t excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. [deleted]: Because there were no public bathrooms, they're only available for the staff cause I live in a third world country. HardOnSlater: I live in a third world country as well and if you are a costumer they can't deny you a bathroom, or even when you picked her up you should have told her you needed the bathroom. You could get an urinary infection for holding it too much, that's why it could hurt to pee afterwards, you shouldn't hold it for too long, just an advice. WWYDFA_Klondike_Bar: Not being a dick but it's customer. A costumer is a person that makes or supplies clothing. HardOnSlater: Not a dick at all, English is not my first language and I'm actually learning grammar at the moment, so thank you... WWYDFA_Klondike_Bar: Thanks for being cool!

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[deleted]: TIFU by stealing a 1050$ PC [deleted] BoozeIsFoods: Lol. They'll be able to tell which wifi networks it has connected to and trace it back to your home's IP address. Smbc_64: I reset the pc MadMic1314: You've wiped it so they'll know someone was messing with it. You do know that modern laptops have tracking capabilities. Windows 11, built into the BIOS, 3rd party software and it's entirely possible for this to survive a reset. Wipe it again, do not put it on any WiFi or cable connection during this process. Get it back and hope to hell.

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fujakegyllenhaal: TIFU by catching feelings for my taken co-worker Okay, there is absolutely no way to tell this story without sounding like careless whore, but I need someone to hear me out, and who could I ever actually tell about this? I (22F) started working at a new job a few months ago. I met my co-worker (25M) & there was instantly a connection. Not even in a romantic way, we just relate to a lot of the similar things, similar childhoods, similar music taste, the works. He is just very easy to talk to, so we did. A lot. We texted every day for about 2 weeks, just picking each other’s brains. We formed a really good friendship & now we’re super close. He mentioned he had a girlfriend when I first started working there, & I really didn’t think too much of it considering I hardly knew him & had no attraction towards him. But, the past couple weeks, the chemistry between us has been off the fucking charts. I mean this man tells me everyday how gorgeous I am, and how my eyes captivate him. So many compliments & slights touches on my elbows, knees, and waist. He gives me these hugs where his hand rests along my back. I mean, even other co-workers have noticed his body language & instigate a potential fling between us. I try my hardest not to reciprocate these things, but he’s making it really hard. I’m not a home-wrecker. I’ve been on the other side of this situation & I couldn’t put that pain on someone else. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? He’s told me bits and pieces about his relationship, they weren’t necessarily seeing eye to eye, even before I showed up. I’m not chasing or anticipating a relationship with this guy, but I definitely feel something for him, and I feel so tremendously guilty. And I feel like it’s not my place to tell him not to do the things that he’s doing. I don’t know what kind of relationship he goes home to everyday, and I even told him that I don’t want to be part of the reason they split. Anyway, it feels good to clear my conscience even if I have some fault here. There’s way more background and juicy details if anyone cares to hear. TL;DR: I have feelings for my co-worker that has a girlfriend yet actively pursues me on the daily. BiouxBerry: If he's acting that way with you now even though he has a girlfriend, what makes you think he won't act that way with someone else if you are his girlfriend? TheLastNoteOfFreedom: Because chemistry is real and strong. The whole “if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you” isn’t always the case Interesting_Bake3824: Rubbish, sharing experiences and mirroring is a known chat up technique. Agreeing with the target too. He’s a operator and he will operate. Married men do this often, the amount of people who say, “but we were so in tune and his partner and he didn’t hit it off, it’s been going sour for a while” as in “we are uniquely perfect for each other” these guys do this all the time and there’s nothing unique about it ProbablyNotADuck: What I have heard as justification from every single friend (which, unfortunately, is multiple) I have who has had an affair with a married person or someone already in a relationship: * "They're no longer sexually compatible." * "They just grew apart." * "We talk for hours. No one understands him like I do." Always followed with the insistence that "that will never happen to us." Each and every time, five or so years later, the same issues are being parroted back to me from the opposite side.. "We don't really have sex anymore," "we don't really have much in common," "we never talk; I barely even know him anymore." Interesting_Bake3824: It’s a familiar and well used ruse, but if you know it’s dead and want to move on, deal with it first. Amazing how few ever get round to that ProbablyNotADuck: 100%. End the relationship if you're not willing to invest the time to work on/move past the problem. If you don't end the relationship before moving on, you're a sleaze. There are no two ways about it. You may also be a coward, but you are most certainly a sleaze.

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PrincessMansera: TIFU by calling out my brother Obligatory this took place three months ago. My older brother and I both have Reddit, but like, if he sees this, OK. My older brother (OB) made a post three months ago on r/AmItheAsshole regarding our little brother's behavior and OB's response to it. OB told me about this post in person, and invited me (jeeringly) to comment on it with my side of the story and see what people said. So I did. There was a lot of negative reaction from commenters and I was downvoted into oblivion. Then, the kicker came. I was permanently banned from AITA because, and I quote, "OP says you're lying". Naturally, I made a ban appeal because who *doesn't* want to be a part of AITA? After my long-winded appeal, the mods simply asked me why they should believe me over OB. I said "because OB has a history of lying", because I'm not about to go putting my face (and OB's) all over Reddit because of a simple ban. No response. I was ghosted, essentially. Fast forward to a few weeks later, maybe a month. OB and I are talking in our basement, and the AITA post comes up. I said "Oh, AITA banned me. They said you said I was lying." And he goes, "... They banned me too." So now we're both permanently banned, which makes zero sense, and ban appeals are useless attempts. RIP our time on AITA giving helpful advice. TL;DR My older brother made a post about our family on AITA. I commented, got downvoted and permanently banned for "lying", tried a ban appeal, and stayed banned. He was also banned, so neither of us can comment or post on AITA. 1Sluggo: I’ve been banned from that sub and didn’t try to appeal. You’re not missing much. AcrobaticSource3: Sound like the mods there are TA PrincessMansera: Honestly, yeah.

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throw_awaie253: TIFU by giving my girl the Blippi Harlem Shake [removed] 1clovett: You're an asshole. dronzer31: Careful, you'll give him a boner.

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CyberWolfWrites: TIFU by accidentally letting my dog out of my house. I had to carry two cases of water into the house and left just the screen door closed when I went to get the second one. When I turned my back, my extremely energetic dog booked it. Unfortunately for me, my neighborhood is surrounded by at least three acres of woods. Woods filled with creeks, brambles, small trees, tall trees, snowy fields with both folded over grass that left dangerous footholds and weeds taller than me, and near vertical hills that the dog easily ran up. IT. WAS. HELL. Also, let's not forget to mention the fact that it was getting dark out. And it's freezing. And I had only a t-shirt on. I had to chase that dog for half an hour before my sister's boyfriend and I managed to corner her on a neighbor's porch because she refused to come when called. If that dog does another stunt like that, I WILL KILL HER. TL;DR: Had to chase my dog through three acres of woods for half an hour. It sucked. Possible_Tiger_5125: I woulda strangled that dog with my bare Hands frfr CyberWolfWrites: Don't tempt me.

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[deleted]: TIFU by accidentally insulting my co worker [deleted] twohedwlf: That's not insulting her, if you said what you claim. I imagine she agrees, working there sucks. Technical-Repeat3099: yeah i just don’t want it to come across like i was looking down on her for not having a more “professional” job yk. i feel like that’s how she took it by the look on her face

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ViIsAGuiltyMasochist: TIFU and took the fall for my friend. This was actually yesterday but I can’t get it off my mind. i (16F) was Out I town with my friend (15F) and we’re there to hang out and buy useless shite like normal teenagers. she didn’t have much money on her and there were a few things she needed+things she wanted. I had enough money and could have paid For her but It was Christmas money and I didn’t want to waste it on shit that I wouldn’t even get to use/wanted. She ended up stealing some make up and skin care stuff, some brackets and some cheap earrings from claires. She also stole a black lipstick and some eyelashes to give to me. I knew she was doing this and I didn’t say anything to stop her. it gets to about 6pm. 20 minutes to my bus home. We went into two more shops. She did the griff in one, we went in the next and she tried something else. Something bigger. I followed her because I didn’t know what to do. she goes into the changing room, I go too. We end up not buying anything as I didn’t have enough to buy the nails I wanted cuz I needed to get the bus. So we left. Not even a minute later a security guard comes and stops us to question us. we get taken into the questioning rooms and I open my bag to find the nails I wanted. needless to say I took the fall for my friend, she was panicking and scared that something bad would happen to her and that her dad would find out. I ”admitted” that “I” had stolen and that it was my fault. They took my home address and my name, they called my dad, cuz if my mum found out hell would open up and swallow me. I didnt get a fine and I am banned from the shop for 6 months. Makes perfect sense. i am now suffer with the guilt of taking the fall and that fact that my friend is a thief. It’s weighing on my like a tone of bricks and I’m scared to tell my mum, because this is one of my bestfriednds and I really like her and I don’t want my mum to think she s a bad person. She isn’t at heart. ​ TL;DR. My friend stole, she got caugh, I took the fall, I feel guilty. thunderingparcel: You need to tell your friend that you love her and what she did really hurt you and put your friendship in jeopardy. Everyone makes mistakes, especially at your age. The next seven or years for you folks are the pinnacle of mistake-making. But for the sake of your friendship, she needs to know that what she did really hurt you and put you in danger of a whole array of consequences. She acted selfishly without care for what happened to you. aussie_nub: No, OP needs to ditch her. Seriously OP, you're young but she's just set you onto a bad path and if you don't fix it now, in 3 years you'll be really in trouble.

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Designer_Walrus_4283: TIFU by almost letting my mom knows that I buy vape online So I bought a full kit of a Vape mod, 21700 battery, balanced charger and nicotine-free e liquid from a Vapestore in Australia online yesterday. They sent me a confirmation email for my online order. Then it went straight into my mail box. But I was too careless that I didn't immediately hide it somewhere obscure, and my mom also have views of my mail box as well. She notices the order confirmation this morning, and ask if I have any outstanding invoices. I quickly picked up her phones TWICE, and then delete the emails permanently and said I just order some writing pens for $15 (even though I spent $60 actually). Thanks gods she doesn't know much English and have no idea what "Vape" means. But she still remember the store names. Knowing she is still suspicious of me, I ring up the vape store with the exact same name since she notices. Thanks gods they sell actual normal writing pens with their exact names, so I was able to prove that I wasn't lying. But I delete the emails permanently, in hopes that no news of this ever been found out. I just hope she will soon forget everything and would not ring the store name online to check anymore. Hell i would even order their actual pens if needed to cover up. Lesson learned to always be careful with emails and mailboxes. TL;DR: Order a vape kits, almost got caught from email inboxes of the order confirmation, lie to my mom that it was a pen and show her the website with the actual pens under their names. Lesson learned. DeaconKnight: I'll tell you the same thing I told my daughter when she started vaping. Vaping is lame and it looks stupid. No one, and I mean no one, thinks it's cool. It's just a dumb way to get a nicotine fix. If you're trying to quit smoking, fine... just know that you look stupid doing this. Buy nicotine gum. Or don't. Just remember, vaping is to looking cool like peeing your pants on purpose is to trying to make friends. You might find someone who thinks it's great, but they're confused. PM_ME_FUNFAX: I vape and you are 100% right. I look like a complete tool when I'm vaping. I mostly do it at home or away from people. I am trying to quit smoking but I've pretty much just traded one vice for the other

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Eagles56: TIFU but trying to console my friend in a panic attack over text and losing them as a friend. So late last night, one of my friends texts me that she is having a panic attack, right after I told them about some unfortunate incident in my life. My friend has had and has a lot of good things going in their life, including an upcoming extremely way paying job coming up. So I thought I could make her feel better by reminding her about the job and all the good things that have happened in her life. I guess she thought I was trying to like mock her? She said I was being toxic for that and that she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I apologized and said I was trying to cheer her up, if she hasn’t texted back and I haven’t texted or called her today. I guess maybe I worded it badly? TLDR: tried to cheer up a panic attacked friend by talking about the good things in their life. Thought I was mocking them and left me. SunChipMan: Give it time. Eagles56: She doesn’t want to talk right now but one of my other friends had a big fight with her that same night so maybe that’s why. She is like this a lot though, wanting to take friendship breaks and then coming back a month later SunChipMan: That sounds rough... best wishes!

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Tax_Fraud1000: TIFU when talking to my friend.. So earlier today I was talking to my friend. Our relationship regularly has its ups and downs, and weekly episodes of anger. Usually they don't last longer than like, a couple hours and the end is usually marked by her sending me something from instagram or youtube again, comical shorts since we both have the same humor. We're incredibly alike and I treasure our friendship but sometimes like I said, it regularly has it's really bad turns. She ends up ignoring me for a bit then sends me videos. Anyways she hasn't talked to me in a while, and I get anxious every time my phone vibrates because I think it's her and some angry message or some funny video. I don't know what to do, I normally just send her videos until she sends me back something. For reference I was making a case to her about how she owing me five dollars for not telling another friend about something, for which I was supposed to be paid five dollars for. Short version of long story. Any advice? Should I wait it out or something else? ​ TL;DR I was talking to friend, made a case about how she owed me five dollars, she ended up getting really pissed and ignoring me for a few hours, still hasn't responded to me. any advice? AcrobaticSource3: > any advice? Yeah, don’t lend her any more money, if she’s ghosting you for owing only $5, imagine what she would do if she owed you more PenguinSimp101: Same person, different account. I didn’t lend her $5, another friend was going to pay me the money for doing something, and the friend in question didn’t facilitate communication or text the other friend who I couldn’t talk to.

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sleepyman691: TIFU by scaring my dad In my family, we have a running joke on who can scare the most people. If you scare someone, you get a point but if you get scared you loose one. My dad(44 M) is well in the lead because he is impossible to scare. I can only recall about 5 times we've successfully scared him. Today my dad was going out to the store to pick some things up, and thats when I came up with the greatest idea. Our bathroom is getting redone, and tomorrow the contractors are coming to put in our new tub. For now, the tub is just sitting in the middle of our living room. So I came up with the idea to try and scare him: I would lay down in the tub and pop out when he walked passed it. I was thinking to myself "this will be great". My dad walked in the door, and right as he was about to pass the tub, I sat out and let out the most blood curdling scream I could, and it scared the ever living shit out of him. It scared him so much, that he dropped the cake he had bought for my mother's birthday, splattering it everywhere. Yup, thats right, I forgot he was going out for a birthday cake. He was PISSED. I spent the last 2 hours cleaning and buying a new cake, but he's calmed down now and we're both still laughing over this. Hopefully tonight at dinner my mom will find it funny. Felt I should post this here, because this is the best scare we've had in a while and I thought yall would enjoy it. TLDR: I thought it would be a good idea scaring my dad, wound up ruining my mom's birthday cake. AcrobaticSource3: You should get TWO points for that St3phiroth: Like in Monsters Inc where the biggest screams fill multiple scare tanks. Rewind13337: That's a great analogy lmao

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Jiimbo4358: TIFU by getting my pregnant wife an Icee. To start .. Speedway lady , if you're reading this, I am so sorry and didn't mean to ruin your night because you seemed like you were not having a great time, and I made it like , 5 times worse. ...so... it all started out when my **very** pregnant wife wanted an icee from speedway, because no one else in town has icees other than auntie ann's and they're closed this late go in speed way lady : how's your night ? etc.. me: it's going alright, how about you? SL: oh ..you know, living the dream. me: same sounds about right for me. and I give out a small chuckle (trying to be polite, because I understand the pain). here's where the fuck up happens... I go to grab an XL icee for the wife, and I fucking filled this MF to the very tippy top , like you do. what I didn't think of.. is to put a lid on it first. so i go to put the lid on and fucking icee drips and spills all over the counter and floor SL sees this and is absolutely pissed, and passive aggressively says "I gotta clean that up." me: sorry! do you guys have napkins? sorry..sorry sorry sorry sorry.. SL sighs and goes about her day... I go to pour out the excess of the icee so the mistake doesn't continue on ... so when i put on the lid and it will actually shut and you'd think it would be over, right? but oh no, it compounds. because now SL sees this and says "That's just a drip tray... I have to clean that out now too..." at this point I'm done. I shamefully slap on the lid in defeat after awkwardly cleaning up all the icee that spilled on the floor and counter. I won't talk about how I awkwardly tried to scoop out what I dumped in the drip tray ..because my clump of napkins that I'm sure she has to now replace did not cut it. I go to check out , and she looks me dead in the eyes and says.. "You didn't even fill it up again all the way" I have never felt so terrible just trying to get an icee before in my life. It doesn't end here sadly, because my story continues when I go to get her dairy queen.. but that will be a story for another day I think, I've shamed my self enough. ​ TLDR: Went to get prego wife an icee and ruined a speedway employee's night more than it was already ruined AcrobaticSource3: Was there a tip cup? Tip her $5 Jiimbo4358: i saw no tip cup, otherwise i probably would have just put in my whole wallet with my head hung low

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rubyy65: TIFU by stopping to get a mcflurry and being late to work [removed] AbsentAsh: At any point did think maybe I should wake up and get ready earlier? Just curious… rubyy65: No. I don't believe that I should have to. LilliaGaming: Why do you feel this way compared to others in your office? If other people, like your boss or your coworkers were late just because they felt like being late, would that also be okay with you? It sounds like you're pretty new to the workforce, I hope you learn from this experience. rubyy65: I just don't think it has to be so strict. I just don't agree w it. It's not like the office is jam packed at 8am. It really doesn't make much of a difference in my productivity if I get there at 8 or a few minutes past that. BellaSantiago1975: You really need to grow up. You sound like a child. rubyy65: You really don't see my point. BellaSantiago1975: Your "point" is ridiculous. You're an adult. Sad part of adulting is that, until you're the boss or make enough cash to not have to answer to one, you abide by their rules and requirements. Your whining about how it shouldn't matter that you're consistently late to work is pathetic and juvenile. Nandabun: I work for myself and don't make shit per spending money, but I sure am happy! I tend to be at my jobs 2 hours to 10 minutes before I tell my clients to expect me, depending on the job, too. (Just so no one freaks out about that, some of my clients include large, empty at night buildings, so if I say "oh, you start your day at 7? I'll be there at 5 to get it done" and then I show up at 3am because I got bored and wanted to get to work. Yes, I have the keys.) MadxCarnage: mist people don't seem to realize you work a lot more hours working for yourself. fulfilling, yeah, but not easier.

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boss-embitch: tifu by not getting on the lease So, obligatory "been long time coming" f*ck up. My bf and I live with our roommate, whom he'd lived with before he and I were together. We've all been here about a year and a half. So, we've always split the rent 3 ways because 2 of us 1 of her. But, for the last two months, our roommate has had her bf over almost every single night. We've tried talking to her about it, and also the fact that we don't like him here when she's not. (He doesn't have a car, so he's here whenever he's not at work, no matter where she is. Well, she doesn't like that we're asking for more money from his end, or them both to spend less time here as "it's her apt too." She's refusing to budge, is being a right asshat, and is essentially choosing this new guy over her two supposed friends. So the f*ck up is us asking her to stay back in March, and not putting my name on the lease as it would've costs about $200 more. It sucks because if I was on the lease, then we could talk to landlord possibly and do more about this whole sitch. Tldr: roommate is a right b!tch and is choosing bf over caring about her friends and their wishes. Slimsaiyan: If your boyfriend and the roommate are the only ones on the lease they are responsible for it , I would see of you can talk to the landlord about you guys paying your halves separately as they aren't trying to pay their fair share then tell the roommate you will be splitting everything directly down the middle so there can't be an argument. If bills for essentials are in your name play chicken cancel them if the roommate wants them they can pay or come to an arrangement. Or at the end of the day look for a new place as this shouldn't even be an argument 3 people splitting 3 ways worked when it was 3 people it is now 4 people so its an easy adult decision to redo how things are going boss-embitch: We pay for everything. Electricity, water, groceries, etc. We decided if she wont pay anything, we're kicking her off our internet and not letting her use any of our things. We own almost everything in the apt. She pays $450 a month, we pay at least a thousand for everything. SaxyOmega90125: Long as you can pick up the $450 a month extra when she walks out, which she will. Your boyfriend can, however, sue her for the 50% of the lease to which she legally agreed for the remaining period of the lease from that point in time. If you are going that route though, document *absolutely everything* starting right now and get the lawyer now so they can advise you on how to proceed and how to avoid doing anything to fuck up your case. boss-embitch: It wouldn't be fun, but I'm a petty bitch, sooo battle-penguin: Be careful if you plan on involving the landlord. If you try to go after her for not following the lease she might do the same thing given that you're probably breaking the lease yourself by living there.

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[deleted]: TIFU by not telling a girl i was dating that i was already in a open relationship, [deleted] Zwordsman: Delete that number. trvllvr: Exactly. Leave that girl alone. First off she’s 18, you don’t need to be seeing someone her age. Second she knows what she wants (monogamy) and told you as much. You tried to hide the fact your actually in an open relationship by not being fully honest with her, but with ambiguous descriptions of not wanting serious and your poly. You decided to take a cowards way out with your shitty decision of a photo upload to basically tell her. No context, just you with another person. You should feel shitty. An open relationship requires honesty, set rules and trust. You want to start something with another person you should carry those same guidelines over. Be honest with them too. They deserve to know before they get involved or invested. Glad knew and respected herself well enough, and what she expects in a relationship to blocked you, especially at 18. Historical_Cricket72: "First off she's 18, you don't need to be seeing someone her age" Exactly just what in the planet fuck is going on here? He is 24, is this some kind of joke? PAdogooder: 24 / 2 + 7= 19. He is too old to date 18 year olds. This is a person 2 years out of college dating a high school senior. Historical_Cricket72: You cannot even fucking possibly be serious. HOW DID YOU GET UPVOTES. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU MORONS nighthawk252: I'm one of them. It's weird for a 24 year old to be going on dates with an 18 year old. I'm not sure how old you are, but a lot of times the younger person in the relationship doesn't see the age difference as weird. But it is. At 24 you're a whole-ass adult whose had a job for years and lives on your own. At 18 you've just graduated high school and might still live with your parents. Historical_Cricket72: What are you even trying to say with the word "Weird"? Are 18 year old voting-age women powerful and intelligent and the future of the world or are they infants who can't be trusted to bathe themselves? Go to any progressive protest and you'll see a lot of young women. The median age is going to be younger, than 18. Are you invalidating their perspectives, are they so ignorant and impressionable and weak and susceptible that they can't make their own decisions? nighthawk252: I'm saying any 24 year old who goes on dating apps to date 18 year olds is a weird and creepy person. Historical_Cricket72: Dog with WHAT BASIS? With WHAT REMOTE BASIS are you saying that? It makes absolutely no fucking sense whatseover from any angle, you might as well be saying "An 18 year old who goes on dating apps to date 24 year olds is a weird and creepy person" THAT SENTENCE LITERALLY MAKES THE SAME AMOUNT OF SENSE. WHAT is creepy about it, you have to THINK. About these things, don't just "have" opinions they should at least try to make some kind of fucking human sense nighthawk252: I already did spell it out in short, but I'll write it out in longer form for you. "At 24 you're a whole-ass adult whose had a job for years and lives on your own. At 18 you've just graduated high school and might still live with your parents. " It was in an edit, but the edit was done before you'd responded the first time so I figured you'd seen it. The 18 years old = legally an adult rule makes sense for laws. Laws are things that have to be spelled out in every circumstance to punish people who do things that are obviously predatory to children who don't know any better. But there's a lot of other potential relationships that are kind of predatory, and OP's relationship falls into one of those gray areas that's creepy but not illegal. I ignored the "progressive protest" bit in your original post because it was way out on a tangent. It sounds like you'd like a clearer answer. Yes, I am invalidating the perspective of an 18 year old who thinks she's mature enough to date the 24 year old who slid into her DMs. Historical_Cricket72: The fact that you are calling, a person who cannot \*legally rent a car yet\* "creepy," for dating someone who is above the age of consent according to absolutely everyone, and you're getting UPVOTED for it, is fucking terrifying. Please stay inside of that glistening, somehow both fleshlike and also metallic egg that you emerged from, for christ's fucking sake what kind of fucking radiation sickness do these clonemind futurepeople have? Your BRAIN IS NOT FUNCTIONING. FIX IT. nighthawk252: I’m not trying to lock him up or anything, I’m just saying it is creepy. There’s a widely-known rule of thumb for whether a relationship is creepy. It’s half your age plus 7. (24/2) + 7 is 19, so he shouldn’t be dating anyone younger than 19. The other rule of thumb I like to use is that if you have to do the math on it, it’s probably not an appropriate relationship. Historical_Cricket72: "have to do the math on it"? Only a drooling schizophrenic who is kept away from the other people at the center, because they are a danger to themselves and to other people, would "do the math" on a relationship like that. What fucking business is it of yours that two young people who in most cases couldn't even be physically differentiated in age by sight are seeing each other? And if you're not saying "lock him up...or anything" WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? The fact that you're calling it creepy, is SO SO SO MUCH creepier than a difference of six years between two of-age fucking ADULTS who are BOTH UNDER CHRISTING TWENTY-FIVE \*EDIT\* Do you honestly not understand what a fucking insane idiot you sound like?

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Zeaus03: TIFU by writing the eulogy for my wife's father This is a TIFU as the service for my father in law was today. I started the eulogy off by writing: (Hi! It's me Jessica! But some of you might know me as... YAAASSSSSICA! ) Mixed into the eulogy were a bunch of lines here and there about how awesome her husband is, how much I love her, some shenanigans her dad I got up to and a now very unfortunate part about having some practice baby making time later. What I was hoping for was to cheer her up a bit when she proof read it and in my defense, the last line of the eulogy was I love so much, remember to delete the stuff in brackets babe. What I didn't take into account was her fear of public speaking and that she might not read it beforehand. What happened instead is that she didn't read it and just printed it off and when she was called up to speak at the service she read it, ver fn batim in front of several hundred people. Absolutely everything right up to the end where she read aloud I love you so much, remember to dele... I tried so hard to get her attention after the first line but she didn't look up once while speaking. Eff. The silver lining was that it ended up turning a solemn event into something a bit more light hearted. Half way through her mom who is normally a very, very, very reserved person, put her head on my shoulder and whispered you wrote this. I told her I did and apologized and she said don't worry he would have appreciated it. But I think my daughter will want to talk to you after. Her mom was right. She wasn't happy and understandably so. A small side note, there's always one person in everyone's family that manages to make things awkward. There was laughter throughout the eulogy except for the practice baby making part where most in people attendance were like ehhhhhh but one uncle burst out laughing. Awko taco. TL:DR my wife asked me to write a eulogy for her dad and I threw in a bunch of jokes to cheer her up when she proof read it but she didn't and read the whole thing. Drakoneous: Sounds like her fuck up to me. Also, condolences. Duffman66CMU: There is no ‘her fuckup’ in marriage Drakoneous: That is 100% not true. Being supportive and a good partner does not mean you can't fuck up as individuals. Sorry bout ya. Duffman66CMU: Just a joke ;) Drakoneous: Well, in that case 🤣

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[deleted]: TIFU Punch friend in the face over a girl [deleted] Tuscam: Give it some time and show humility. Major_Advantage8863: I've had personal calls with everyone and they all said no, ironically the girl told me to give K a second chance well she is not so inclined to do the same for me. Tuscam: How long ago did this happen? Major_Advantage8863: around a month ago Tuscam: My suggestion is to try to repair the relationship with K and then take everything else slowly. Day by day. Quick texts to your friends asking how their days went. That type of stuff. Do your best to be a good person and show remorse. You aren't entirely to blame for the situation that night, but you are most definitely to blame for your actions. You could have handled it differently, but you didn't. Own it. Show your friends that you're owning it and if they're good people, they'll forgive you. If they don't...they're not good friends anyways.

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SnomIsBestPokemon: How was he lying lmao Tanagrabelle: The original post OP wrote "Edit 2: I wrote this after she slept and thought I'd check the comments and write an update." Acting like it had just happened the same night. Alouitious: I mean, if it happened 3 years ago, \*technically\* it's still "after she slept". goshdammitfromimgur: Dude was dating Sleeping Beauty

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fixredditpls: TIFU by going on a Work and Holiday in Australia with almost no money, depression and addiction. [removed] SemiCircleSquare: Call a trusted friend back home and tell them exactly this. Put an end to this and get back home. fixredditpls: Thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me. The fear of losing the last little bit of respect that I have for myself keeps me from doing it. I can't overcome my pride. But you are probably right... I should just let it all go and press the restart button. mickjf: Imagine if it was the other way around. A trusted friend contacts you asking for help in getting back home. Would you help them out without criticism? If so, it's probable that they will help you out as well. Asking for help doesn't mean losing respect - it's a sign of strength to know when you need a helping hand in life. You won't be the first or last person to do this. Good luck. Correct-Ad1484: This is definitely a great insight. Please keep this in mind. And if you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place, and family and friends are not able to help you may want to reach out to your embassy.

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kingofzdom: tifu by parking my truck near an excavator without making sure the opperator saw where I was at You ever seen one of those massive bucket wheel excavators they use in open pit mines? Well, they also use them in large metal recycling yards. I used to run scrap metal for a living in my 2002 Chevy Silverado HD 4x4. It was a nice truck in it's day, and it's probably the nicest truck I'll ever own. One day I backed my truck and trailer up to the steel pile to unload. The massive excavator was a quarter of the way around the pile feeding it into the metal shredder. I was on the trailer kicking old appliances off when I heard a deafeningly loud sound of metal scraping on earth. The metal tracks, each individually the size of my truck, we're moving. The excavator was circling the pile towards me, and the operator had his back to me. I started screaming and yelling as loud as I could but I could even hear myself over the sound of the excavator. The scraping sound got only slightly louder as the track on the excavator perfectly rolled up onto the side of my truck. I uncontrollably put my hands on the side of my head and made the "home alone face" as my beautiful truck got pressed into a 6" thick metal sheet. The excavator stopped when he noticed the tailgate and trailer hitch sticking out from under his tracks with a trailer still attached. Their insurance ended up paying me about 1.5x what I would have valued the truck at so that was nice though. It had a lot of frame rust that the insurance company didn't get to find out about due to it being flattened. TL;DR parked my truck in the general vicinity of superheavy mining equipment, paid the price. Orkekum: Oh, oh dear. Hope you didnt have anything of value inside the truck, haha. DanerysTargaryen: I’m relieved OP wasn’t inside his truck! Though maybe he would have been able to drive away in time, but still that set up sounds very dangerous that the operator isn’t looking in the direction he’s moving and the machinery is so loud you can’t hear screams and shouting over it. kingofzdom: I had about 6 seconds between the realization of the danger and the pancaking of my truck so I probably would have been able to move my truck or at least bail out of the cab if I couldn't.

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Belansky907: TIFU By Watching Netflix on My GF's iPad While I Was Gaming Obligatory: This was not today but about 4 years ago, but reading similar posts reminded me of a situation I found myself in. As the title says, I, M 26, had a day off, and my GF, F 26, at the time (now my wife, but I digress) was working, so I booted up the Xbox for some me time and figured I'd throw a background show up on the iPad for some background noise (just ADHD things amirite?) Anyways, while playing, I kept noticing FB messenger notices from this one guy popping up. It was not really a huge deal. She had never given me reason to not trust her, and we both had/have friends of the opposite sex that are purely platonic friendships, but something he said in one of the message previews caught my eye and I snooped against my better judgement. It was quickly apparent that this guy was thirsting after her, and while she didn't respond with anything I would consider outright cheating, she also didn't try to put a stop to it. The things he was saying to her, telling her if her was alone with her he didn't know if he could hold himself back despite her having a BF, reminiscing about their history (he was an ex who lived in another state she had moved from, I later found out), and encouraging her to leave me and go see him to hook-up when we were to be vacationing in that state a few months later, made my blood boil. I wanted to get a plane ticket, find this guy, and beat the ever-loving-shit out of him. I distinctly remember trying to calm myself down with a nice shower at one point, thinking of what he was saying to her, and getting so upset I punched the tile so hard she thought I had fallen over. Again, she wasn't the one saying the stuff her responses were usually short, and sometimes she would try to change the subject, but she also wouldn't shut it down. I didn't know how to approach it because, obviously, I had breached her trust by reading the messages in the first place, but their relationship was not okay if we were going to continue being together. I casually asked her about him once, and she described him as "just an old friend," which was a lie, and I knew it, but I didn't drag anything more out of her. For months, I stewed over it, to the point I considered ending things with her, I started looking for solid evidence of her cheating on me, but I knew that wasn't fair to her as she wasn't the one fully responsible and, again, she never took things too far on her end. I finally reached a breaking point, we lived together but everytime I saw her, all I could think about were the messages, my mood would sour, she would ask me what's wrong, and I would say nothing, which was making her suspicious of me. Finally, after several months of anxiety and anger, which was beginning to hurt our relationship, I broke down and came clean. She admitted the true nature of their past relationship and that she knew it was too far, but she didn't want to lose a friendship. She promised to set boundaries with him, and when he continued to break those boundaries, she inevitably ended her friendship with him altogether, which was certainly a show of good faith on her part. I learned that the best thing you can do in a relationship is have difficult conversations and avoided snooping anymore as I realized she clearly put me first. Sometimes, dudes are just gonna be horndogs. We have been married a couple of years now, and we both continue to grow together. While this was a positive outcome, the months of panic attacks, anger, and generally poor mental health were trying and very nearly ended an otherwise healthy relationship. Tl;dr: was watching Netflix on the gf's iPad, saw concerning messages from an ex, and mentally tortured myself for months before finally confronting it. Edit 1: yall are wilding out. This was a low point in the relationship. Was it emotional cheating? I mean, yeah, but I wasn't a Saint either. I had been cold and distant. Obviously, communication is not a strength of mine, and while it doesn't justify anything, to the people who say she's doing it again or she's definitely cheating on me I could TELL something was wrong long before I ever discovered the message. Because when you're being cheated on or cheating, you're never as slick as you think. You wear it on your sleeve each and every day. It's very obvious when someone is checked out, and right now, we are both all in. That could change and would suck, but frankly, none of us are getting out of this clean. When one person quits trying, the relationship is dead long before infidelity takes place. Revrux: Her not blocking him immediately after those messages is a red flag. Captain_Moxi: no it's not. it's just the cost of having guy friends. maybe if men acted better it wouldn't be. YourPenixWright: These type of men aren't your friends. Captain_Moxi: it's all of em. there's like 5 that don't and even they're on a timer half the time because men are expected to make advances and taught that "persistence" is how you get a girl. instead of blaming us, get your boys in check. Sea-Slip598: I love when fembots get down voted Captain_Moxi: that's sad af. Sea-Slip598: Nah your blanket statements that you genuinely believe are sad. Captain_Moxi: it's the truth. I can trust my brothers and the two married dudes I play dnd with. the rest of the men I know are just like her ex. shadypandaa: Lmao then you've somehow surrounded yourself with the worse men possible. Captain_Moxi: yall love to say that when the problem is systemic, not individual. you gonna sit here and tell me no men in your life were ever taught that "persistence pays off" or "being rejected makes you a loser" or "just cause there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score" etc...? Sea-Slip598: I am an individual so I think for myself. And no I have never been told or even heard anyone talk like that. I know it’s crazy for you to hear but people don’t just casually talk or joke about sexual assault. But after looking at your profile I know that you’ll never listen to anyone that has a different viewpoint or experience so never mind. Captain_Moxi: You're lying. I wasn't born yesterday. Sea-Slip598: And that’s why the rest of your life will be sad and pathetic. Thinking like that and a refusal to have a conversation is very telling of your ignorance. Captain_Moxi: wat? that makes no sense.

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[deleted]: TIFU by being a pussy [deleted] icecubeinanicecube: > Lead a manhunt > Choose violence > TIFU I escorted a injured woman home Is this normal by American standards? Tf the states are a scary place AcrobaticSource3: Fun fact: Liam Neeson movies are documentaries

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[deleted]: TIFU by being a horrible best friend [deleted] [deleted]: Everyone’s being a bit harsh. You’re allowed to make the choice you do in life. And that’s fine. And you and Luna will both find a way to cope! Don’t get too down about it theindi: If you can resonate with OP, you may be selfish, self-centered and an all around terrible person with no redeeming qualities. [deleted]: Trash opinion, this is a 19 yr old still figuring themselves out. And they’re boyfriend bought a ticket to Hawaii, thats her future if she’s willing to stay with him. she has more obligations to Luna. Literally not one. Yes she should do things for her. But if Luna EXPECTS her to. Luna wasn’t a good friend either (to me Luna sounds a bit unhinged and bipolar) Stercky: Nah, your opinion is a trash opinion. She’s 19 and lacks any sense of maturity and empathy [deleted]: Soft asf Stercky: Soft AF because a 19 year old should be mature enough to be held accountable for her terrible fucking behaviours and things she’s said? Yikes, you’re as bad as OP [deleted]: literally all she said that was so terrible was “I’m not obligated to you” which she isnt. Stercky: >you’re boring >I’m the main character >not telling her about a trip to Hawaii and dumping it on her when she arrived Okay. Whatever you say [deleted]: main character part is also bad, other stuff is just random filler thoughts you have a friends Stercky: She called her boring because she didn’t want to go out hooking up with random guys??? That’s a slap to the fucking face lol. Grow up

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Iron-Warlock: TIFU by (over)investing my family's savings Preface: I'm not in the US, English isn't my first language, and the specific thing I bought has specific rules. That said, today I (32M) wanted to buy some bonds to put mine, my SO's (27F) and our daughters' (3F, yet unborn F) savings, into something that would give a little return and not leave them to get eaten by inflation. So I did my due diligence as a responsible father and investor, discuss it with my SO (first daughter is 3 years old, second one will be born next month so I doubt they'd have input to give), put the amount we decided to invest into our broker account, and bought. So far, all good, right? Well, what constitutes the FU part of this TIFU is two things: * I, years ago, had done the financial knowledge questionnaire that enabled me, among other things, to use leverage - or basically, overdraft by borrowing from the broker. And had forgotten about it. * I didn't double-check the amount, or rather... *confused the number of bonds I was buying with the amount I wanted to pay.* So, all happy about doing something good for our future, I quietly click **Buy**. I smile to myself then notice I'm in the red for a large amount of money. I realize there's something amiss and that's when it hit me: *I accidentally put out a non-negotiable, non-cancellable order for "a few thousands" more Euros than what I had in my account.* Being able to use leverage and borrow from the broker, the order was accepted. Cue disbelief and a massive anxiety flareup. I immediately get on the phone with Support, in hope there is a way to renegotiate or cancel - the documents said I couldn't, but I had to try at least! Well, to the surprise of exactly no one, I couldn't do anything. Great, so now I'm in the red for an amount that's basically my annual salary and have a month of time before interest starts to accrue. I'm dreading having to call my SO, which I remind you is pregnant, and explain this. At this point I've already been bashing myself for a good hour or so now. But - to assuage your fears - I'm telling you this TIFU has a good ending at least. I call up my mother, preface with "I fucked up" and I explain the situation, laughing nervously. Luckily she's able to cover ~~our~~my exposition, giving me some time to pay her back without gouging my family financially. So having set that I called up my SO, did the same intro, and followed up with "no need to chew me out - I've done that myself already!" She rightfully did so anyway though, and I can't blame her. **TL;DR** - wanted to invest some money for our family, accidentally invested *a lot more* and went severely in the red. Mother managed to cover so at least we're safe. HumusSapien: You fucked up, but if you hide it for your SO it's only gonna get much worse. Iron-Warlock: I know! My worry was "Can I fix it somehow and then tell her, or will I have to tell her I need to figure out how to unfuck it?" In any case I'd have told her, I just wanted to give the best news possible... or, well, the less-worst ones! Edit: a word HumusSapien: It happened bro. Maybe she can help you unfuck it. This is pride over your financial future. Iron-Warlock: No pride there... well, maybe, a bit. But not enough to let me not ask for help. I was just worried at breaking the news to her, that's why I waited until I could find out if someone was able to help me or not!

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[deleted]: TIFU by changing my name [deleted] humboldt77: Reframe things. Your old name is just for her to use, in intimate situations, when you’re completely hers. Make it something private, a shared connection. Your new or stage name is for when other people are around, work functions, etc - but only she gets that part of you, no one else can hear or share it. Black1495: there are 2 girls at my work in a similar situation, both of them have to change their names to something less "etnical", I know their old names and have used them in casual situations, like drinking or something, but when it comes to work stuff I always use their "work names" captain-melanin: Where do you work where a name can too ethnic? YungSchmid: A lot of people with Chinese ancestry give themselves a ‘western’ name in my country. Probably for a number of reasons; makes them (and closeted racist people) feel like they fit in, easier to remember, people can spell and pronounce it, etc. DrFox247: The Chinese friends I have usually just use the English translation of there name, unfortunately sometimes it does not translate well Teehus: My favourite that I have seen was cake DrFox247: Mine is probably seven script_foo: I am getting a Seinfeld vibe. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4FN0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaWZ4FN0)

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SignificanceNo4340: Tifu by not cleaning the kitchen all at once I 16M FU by cleaning the kitchen in parts and not all at once, Here’s the story. So today my mum picked up my brother to mow the lawn because I wasn’t comfortable doing it because it’s hot and the grass is quite long and thick and so he was in a bad mood because of it and I was supposed to clean the kitchen and I had gotten all the rubbish off the floor and into a bin and my brother decided it wasn’t good enough and got all pissy and started doing it and I left my phone on the charger and he took it and refused to give it back and even refused to give me my case that I paid 80 dollars for and SIM card and he later snapped the case after about 3 minutes and I tried to grab my phone and we had a bit of a fight I was pushing him trying to grab my phone and he had put me in a headlock twice and at one point I was pushing him off me and he punched me in the left eye and then I had kept pushing him off me until I pushed him and punched him a few times and he punched me a few times in the top of my forehead and in the face and he left the room and closed the hallway door and I tried to open it and stop him from closing it and my hand went through the glass and cut my hand in a few places I managed to get my sim card back and my girlfriends number off my phone, but she hasn’t messaged me back yet and I’m super scared she’s blocked me for some reason. And if she has I don’t think I’m gonna be able to live without her I’m crying writing this part and I feel like I’m going to throw up. TL;DR didn’t clean the kitchen all at once and got my phone taken and had a fight with my brother and broke a window cut my hand and not sure if my girlfriend blocked me twitchfanpoggers: How is this a fuck up? SignificanceNo4340: Because it is twitchfanpoggers: You living in an abusive environment is not a fuck up. You not telling someone in real life you can trust about this is the fuck up. Tell a teacher or someone you can trust is all I can advise. Returning to my point, not a fuck up, I'm afraid. SignificanceNo4340: I guess

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shakyfoot: TIFU by getting drunk and losing a tooth. So this is currently still ongoing and is making my life a living hell. I’m not quite sure what the moral of this story is, maybe one of you can make that out for me. Flashback to this last 2022 New Years Eve night, my partner and I are celebrating by playing a drinking game at home, eating charcuterie, listening to music, all fun stuff. It had been a long time since we had drank together, and even longer since we had made it past the 2-3 beer sleepiness that typically sent me off to snooze land. This night we had made it our mission to drink as much we could and just truly let go and enjoy our night together. Fast forward to 4 or 5 beers in and some cherry bombs, I was feeling pretty good. We were goofing off, I was dancing to a Pixies record, just enjoying ourselves. A few moments later, a wave of nausea hits me. I stumble into our bathroom and sit down on the ground in front of the toilet. I knew I wouldn’t be leaving the bathroom without spewing. I start to prep myself mentally for what’s to come. Before I know it, one after another I projectile vomit into the toilet at least three times. All of the beautiful salamis, cheeses, and nuts we had put on our charcuterie had left my stomach in an instant. My partner had stood behind me rubbing my back and flushed the toilet a few seconds after. I stand up ready to return to the bedroom, when all of a sudden I sober up very very fast. My body enters a state of panic, my heart rate triples. The sick feeling of doom and despair throws my heart into my gut. My tooth is missing. You see, I unfortunately inherited a missing adult lateral incisor on my top row of teeth. As a teenager I had received a flipper/ partial to fill that tooth through my insurance (medicaid). If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a temporary tooth that is removable. It sit flat against the roof of your mouth, and was the only option my insurance would cover/I could afford. We had flushed it down the fucking toilet. This had never happened before, but apparently the vomiting was so intense, it flee out of my mouth and neither of us had even noticed. I’m a college student a semester away from graduating and have an internship coming up in two weeks. There’s absolutely no way I can go missing this tooth. I frantically start calling every dentist’s office within a 50 mile radius. After ten different phone calls, only one office gives me a date for a month away. So, I begin my internship wearing a mask. They have no scheduled lunches so I end up going 8 hours without eating from embarrassment. I only have to get through a week of my internship before my dentist appointment, I can do this. Fast forward to present day, Im eagerly awaiting my appointment at 4pm today. For some reason I’ve had a bad feeling something wouldn’t go as planned. 8am this morning I get a voicemail. “Hi, I apologize but our dentist will not be able to come in today. He will be out of the office for a month. You’ll need to reschedule.” So that’s my life right now. Feeling like things couldn’t be much worse. Hope if you’re dealing with something bad in your life this makes you feel a little better. TL; DR: Got drunk and projectile vomited. My partial came out and was accidentally flushed. Haven’t been able to get a replacement for over a month. lilwhiteboye420: "Im not too sure what the moral of the story is" pretty sure its in the title. Dont drink blondeblonde12345: He could just as likely have lost it from several reasons , food poisoning for example. It wasn’t drinking that made him lose a tooth, it was vomiting. It was probably gonna happen sooner or later anyway lilwhiteboye420: He could have also had the common sense to take the tooth out if he wasent drunk and the reason he vomited was drinking so drinking led him to loosing the tooth either way not too sure why you are trying to defend ingesting poision shakyfoot: That’s true and I definitely see your point. In my defense I was with my boyfriend and I still get embarrassed without it in, which is why I didn’t take it out. Lesson definitely learned though, I will always take it out from now on!

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[deleted]: TIFU by accidentally sending a drunken text to my boss [deleted] ursois: I'd go ahead and start looking for a new job. Fenix_Volatilis: Especially if they already hate it

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starmia222: TIFU by faking having a job infront of classmates and teacher TL;DR : It's super embarrassing and will ruin the rest of my schoolyear. I just want to prevent it. I fucked up. For a bit of backround im considered the quiet girl in the back of the class. I was in math class and the teacher suddenly asked me "did you work in the summer?" i was caught off guard so I said yes I worked as a waiter , then my classmates started asking where I worked and I said the first place that came to mind which is a popular place they all go to but I didn't know that. so then they started asking me all type of questions I didn't know like : how much do u make? When? And i just made it all up on the spot because i was too embarrassed . And then the popular boys said "how come we never seen her we are there all the time" and i was just smiling with the most AWKWARD smile ever . So I'm scared if they have any friends there and they ask them if i worked there and the workers are like "no literally who tf is she" and then they confront me and it becomes even more embarrassing. They will make fun of me for the rest of the year. Also keep mind that there is only ONE of this place it's not like a franchise or anything WHICH MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. They asked me ALL day and i want them to forget QUICK so they just forget completely. Am I overreacting? WHAT DO I DO??? GENERAL ADVICE OR ANYTHING PLEASE HELP. Gogo83770: This is why we learn not to lie about trivial shit in grade school.. much more embarrassing now.. I really don't know how you're going to save face. Can you switch schools if the bullying gets bad? FemaleDogEqualsBitch: Bulling? What bullying? Gogo83770: They might start to bully op because they lied.. the way they kept at it, asking all sorts of questions.. they know. FemaleDogEqualsBitch: Alright, sure

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Bright-Mode-2768: tifu by having naked time with my boyfriend while getting over a stomach bug... Soooo this literally happened an hour ago.... My stomach has been fucked up for days. Today I'm finally feeling better and my boyfriend and I took a shower together..... One thing led to another and yeahhhh At one point I felt my stomach ache again so I said we need to stop. But he was close to finishing and I thought I could wait a few more minutes. Boy was I wrong... I shat all over my boyfriend's balls and the bed. What's even worse is I didn't even feel it happen!!! I just like hurriedly wiped him up so he wouldn't know it got on him. We had to take a second shower obviously. And before anyone asks ... No we were not doing anal... That would have been much much worse..... I'm so embarrassed but we're laughing about it. And he's making so many jokes! Like he literally fucked the shit out of me. His new line is "I would pounce on you but I don't wanna get shat on again" I wanna crawl in a hole for a while until he forgets about it lol. This got removed cuz it was too short soooo. I'm not sure what else to add to this to make it long enough to post..... TL/DR I shat on my boyfriend's dick during sex cuz I have a stomach bug and I thought I was better but nopeeeee Edit: we broke up. And me shitting on his dick isn't why 😂 I'm so heart broken though honestly. But whatever 😏 funlovinmammal: If he can laugh about it, he's a keeper Bright-Mode-2768: Oh he's the best 🤣 we've been best friends for like 15 years OptimusSublime: Then you're fine. It'll be something that (in a weird way) builds your relationship as it'll be a shared experience that you can hopefully both laugh about later. Bright-Mode-2768: Oh he's laughing about it now 🤣

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[deleted]: TIFU by deleting my browser history on my BF’s computer. [deleted] Malevolent_Mangoes: Oh someone who fetishizes trans people, awesome /s Ok-Independence-6942: Someone didn't get this was sarcastic 😐 Malevolent_Mangoes: >But he’d never mentioned interest in some of these things (lots of anal, trans, etc), and I’m unsure of why or how I’m supposed to feel/deal with this. This doesn’t at all sound like sarcasm to me. This post sounds serious. Where is the sarcasm? Ok-Independence-6942: Im talking about the guy that has downvoted you💩 Malevolent_Mangoes: I can’t believe you just whooshed me. I am sorry for my idiocy.

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[deleted]: tifu: by calling the cops on my girlfriend. [deleted] Malevolent_Mangoes: Jesus dude your girlfriend is *hitting herself with objects*, that is not something a stable person does. She sounds like she’s gaslighting you with the combination of hitting herself+calling you abusive for making her do that. You’re not the screw up here, she is. You haven’t written anything that shows us you’re abusive to your children. DanerysTargaryen: Easy there, we’re only hearing one side of what happened, and even by his own admission, OP is leaving a lot out and even admits he is not the nicest person to be around, being “overall terrible”, and even being “an abuser”. His girlfriend was probably having a mental breakdown and his response to that was to scream at her to get the fuck out of *his* house and wasn’t willing to even wait to let her put shoes on first. Then when he starts to get pushy about forcing her out of the house, they physically fight, and she locks herself and the kids in a room and OP’s response to that is to essentially break down the door to get to them. Neither of them are good for each other right now. Neither of them are helping the other and both need to spend time apart to collect themselves and get some help. This is not a healthy relationship and the screaming, cussing, physical fights and slamming doors *will* cause long lasting effects on their kids’ impressionable brains. aussie_nub: Not to mention he acknowledges right at the top about postpartum. They both need some help but neither seems willing to work together to get themselves help.

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RGBonmyeverything: TIFU by deleting some porn I’m a music teacher that uses my personal MacBook for teaching. You can see where this is going, but I assure, I’m rather tech savvy and know how to thoroughly erase my traces. Or so I thought. I rarely download porn because, who does that? But one particular video caught my eye and soon I had in my downloads. Once I was, er, done, I dragged it into my trash bin, right click, empty, done. Next day I was teaching, I hooked my MacBook up to the screen and it turns out, I actually dragged the vid into the taskbar beside the bin, not into it. It’s also worth noting that my taskbar automatically hides itself, which is why I didn’t catch it earlier. And there we go, a super detailed vid description, because that’s how downloads are for some reason, for all my students to see when I did something with the taskbar. TL;DR: thought I deleted some porn, turns out I made it even easier to see, with a mistake that’s very easy to repeat. barnes116: Do you specialise in wood instruments? RGBonmyeverything: I def play at least one kind of flute. Bike_Chain_96: Please say it's the bass flute and not the skin flute. I fucking love the bass flute RGBonmyeverything: It’s the piccolo, technically a flute.

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Happylifenowife: TIFU leaving for a walk-through of our house Me and our ex are selling our house. We got a showing today and it was my time at the house. I swear I opened all the doors and checked the rooms. Cleaned up whatever messes I saw. I get my youngest daughter the dogs and head out. For context we have 3 kids. 11,7,5. The oldest almost always spends weekends and off school days with his grandmother. He's also my step son I raised since 10 months old. Other 2 girls are mine. 7yo was across the street with the neighbor. Me and the ex don't live in the house together we rotate out and the kids stay full time. I got here about an hour and a half before the showing. She left to see a house when I got here. We leave as the people showed up early so we rushed out the door. Me, daughter and 2 dogs. They were only 20 min in the house. I get back. Go to throw something away and see 2 poptart boxes. I thanked my 5yo for throwing away trash from the pantry. She denies it. I try explaining it was a good thing. She says she left them in there. So I'm now like well crap this agent is cleaning messes in the house. Then I hear thumping coming down the steps. Confused I see my boy pop around the corner. I ask when he got here. He says he's been here. I ask why he didn't come out when I had mentioned it to my daughter multiple times we had to leave for a showing. He said he was asleep. I asked why he was still asleep at noon and what time he went to bed. He argued he went to bed at 9 pm. I got his phone and looked at the screen time. Up till 1 am last night. I'm so embarrassed at this moment that I left a kid in the house. I can remember ever opening his door and if I did it was a quick open and close. I feel awful as a parent rn. TL;DR 11yo boy got left behind during client walk though of hosue. Bigfops: I'm curious at what age it's OK to leave a kid home alone nowadays. I was home alone or with my brother every day after school starting when I was 9 years old. I realize this was a special case, but is 11 considered too young to be home alone? freecain: 8 is the legal age in my state, but home alone is different than home while you're not there and strangers are coming in the house. Bigfops: Yeah, I get that this was a different situation. I was just curious as I have no kids, but the parents I know seem not to let them out of their site for more than a few minutes. 8 seems like a reasonable age for a little while alone during the day.

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izzohead: TIFU thinking I missed Valentine's Day [removed] MPFX3000: So you didn’t FU and are completely on the wrong sub izzohead: I suppose that's up to the mods now, it fits the spirit of the sub in me having a dumbass moment.

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RandomLiver79: TIFU by telling my depressed friend she has no life After a pretty bad day, me (20M) I decided to play some csgo with my friend (23W), which turned out to give me a great vibe overall and forgot all about this shitty day. After one or two hours we've entered the subject where she was telling me how weird it is for her to see her classmates from highschool having children and a family and I was agreeing with her but I could not express that with words, I've literally said that 'It really feels weird and I totally agree about seeing her friends making a family and a life while she's doing nothing with her life.' This could be interpreted by some as a bad joke, but in this case it could not be since she told me that she really feels like she's doing nothing with her life and she's really anxious and depressed. Firstly I thought she didn't really hear that, because she was talking in team chat, but after i said sorry about 3 or 4 times and she really ignored that I realised that she just wanted to move on (I hope), but now I really feel weird and extremely bad about that and the fact that I did not mean to say that to her since she's really close to me and she's the only reason why I still play on my computer. I want to let her know that I totally did not mean that, but I have no idea how to deal with it. TL;DR: Started a conversation with my friend, and it ended by me saying that she's not doing anything with her life, and now she's ignoring this subject. PhantomTroupe-2: Sounds like you are awkward. Lmao Yezzurrrrrr: yeah cause that helps PhantomTroupe-2: Did it sound like I was trying to help? Yezzurrrrrr: doesn’t matter if you were trying or not, you helped :) PhantomTroupe-2: Huehuehue

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Altruistic_Captain47: TIFU by hooking up with a guy on Grindr I am 24 Single Gay man. I was horny and was browsing through Grindr. I received a message from a guy who was cute so I started talking to this guy. We both were interested in each other so we decided to meet up at his place. We had a good time. After we are finished we started having small talk. I got to know that he was Bisexual and has a gf who he is dating from the past 1 year. I didn't know about all this. I was shocked and the conversation started being awkward cause i was a bit uncomfortable so I soon left the place. Now i feel guilty about the whole situation and wish i was more careful. I don't like cheaters and this makes me feel bad as i was i was part of his cheating. I just feel miserable about the whole situation as this has happened before too. TL;DR - I hooked up with a Bi Guy who has a gf. Now i feel guilty as I was part of the cheating. chaos021: Isn't part of the hookup making sure we're all good? "Are you married or dating anyone?" "No. You?" "Nope. The safe word is 'bananas' and nothing goes in the hair." "Bet" Altruistic_Captain47: I usually get confirmation on relationship status but it his status on profile was single. I just assumed he was single and didn't bother much. PlasticInTheBasket: That's not on you. Unsure_if_Relevant: Did he specifically say he cheated? Or was he possible in a non monogamous relationship? Either way he was a dick for not communicating all that with you, informed consent and all Altruistic_Captain47: His girlfriend doesn't even know that he was Bisexual. flip469: I'm not gay, but this popped up and was curious so i red it.... "she doesn't know he is bisexual", lemme tell you something dawg.... SHE KNOWS!!!! lol. She mite not want to admit it or talk ab it, but she knows. Congrats on getting laid, btw✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽🤪🤪🤪 WulfTyger: First.. Exasperated sigh. Second. Even some bisexual people don't realize it until later in their lives. Years and years of people being oppressed or hated for liking their own gender kinda makes that hard or terrifying. I only recently started exploring my bisexuality, I didn't even think I was bi until I was 27. Didn't do anything with any men until 29. I just turned 30. Third.. Your text is painful to read.

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thenameisdankmemes: TIFU by texting on a calculator TIFU by texting on a calculator. Hi everyone, on mobile and English isn't my first language by the way. TLDR at the bottom. So sorry for any spelling and format mistakes. A couple of friends and I were talking about embarrassing moments in our life, and this is one of stories I thought everyone would have a laugh. Backstory: In high school, we would use TI-83/84 calculators for Math and some Science classes. My brother decided to give me his Ti-89 calculator for my studies, since he needed the TI-83/84 calculator for his university classes. I started to get used to the TI-89 calculator, and found out that the calculator was very easy to use and it would give me the answers to some hard equations in mathematics really fast. In high school, anything to do with Stem classes I wasn't really that good in those classes. One day, I found a note pad on the calculator and found out that you can write whatever on it and no one would know. Me being the quiet kid, started to pretend that I'm talking to someone on the calculator (aka texting). The conversation would basically be like this: Me: Hi Sam, how are you doing today? Sam: Hey Op, I'm doing good thanks what about you? Me: I'm good thanks. Can't wait to go home and watch some wrestling with my brother Sam: Me too! Except that I'm going to the arena to watch it. Wish you and your brother can come with me. Me: I wish I could go, but I have school the next day. During class, I wanted to show to a couple of my classmates about what I found. I finished my math class assignment, and was talking to my classmate next to me showing the calculator text messages. My classmate was about to read the text messages on the calculator, when another teacher walked in the room and took the calculator away. I had to tell the teacher that calculator was mine, the teacher gave it back. I believe the teacher went to the principal and told them what was written on it. I was called in the principal office, and the principal was asking for my mom's number so he can talk with her. I gave the principal her number. My mom arrived at the school later that week, and my brother was with her as well. The principal started to tell my mom, that I was talking to guys on my calculator. My brother trying not to laugh, because it sounds weird. My mom is confused, because she knows that I don't even talk at home or to anyone at all. My mom said, "I'll talk to Op." My mom was talking to me about this, right after the meeting and she was asking me questions like, "The principal said that you were talking to boys in your class and I'm confused because I know that you barely even talk at home, how did that happen?" I told my brother what happened, and he couldn't stop laughing at what I did and even saw what I wrote. I even started to laugh at what happened. TLDR: I got in trouble for "texting" on a calculator, the principal thought I was texting people but in reality I was texting myself. TheDirtyWaterHotDog: Please delete this before my professors find out I’ve used my TI-Nspire to essentially cheat my way through 8 years of engineering school. waffle_fries_evryday: Fr painfully typing out class notes on the calculator keyboard saved me in calc 3

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Ok-Boot2360: TIFU by forgetting to cancel a free trial I’m a huge, stupid idiot. The dumbest of dumb. I signed up for a free trial of soundtrap, a music creation software, to help arrange merry go round of life from howls moving castle for my high school orchestra. Fast forward to today, I checked my PayPal after a very long time to find that the 16$ being pulled out of my account every month wasn’t my Spotify membership. In fact, I was being charged one 10$ payment and one 16$ payment every month from Spotify. Turns out, sound trap is owned by Spotify so that’s what the payments show up as. I thought for sure I canceled the free trial. I was subscribed for 8 months. I lost 128$ for absolutely no reason. I never even used the software a week after signing up for it. I’m unemployed, so that was like half of my money. I can only be refunded for 16$ of it. On top of that, when I turned 18, Nintendo started saving my credit card information and automatic renewal was turned on my Nintendo online membership. I only wanted it for one month, but I’ve been paying 5 bucks a month since September for no reason. It’s not like I even learned a lesson, because something like this has happened to me before. I feel so awful about it. Hope I can emotionally recover. I guess if anyone wants to hear the howls moving castle arrangement, which my school never even ended up using so it was all for nothing, here it is. https://musescore.com/user/26909142/scores/8978129 TL;DR: I’m a stupid idiot and lost 128$ to a service I didn’t even use because I forgot to cancel my free trial AllanfromWales1: Meh. I reckon my wife costs me that much each month on subscriptions she's forgot to cancel. I'm luck enough to have a reasonably paid job, but man I wish she'd take more care. mrsc1880: I don't think you're *my* husband, but just in case... I'm sorry.

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[deleted]: TIFU by having no game. [deleted] lilbithippie: The kind of person that refer to a deamon in them is almost always a creep and weirdo farrowsharrows: Asking to a girl in bed with you to take their clothes off isn't creepy by itself. What did he actually do?

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[deleted]: TIFU by getting expelled from school [deleted] AleGolem: You have the education just not the paperwork. Why can't you just do watch stuff now? sirrtaver: The tools I was given were also taken away. The cost of having even the essentials is crazy high AllanfromWales1: See if your principal can help you with that. He knows your situation, and may be able to find a way.

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No_Suspect_599: TIFU by trying butt stuff with my BF of 2 months Obligatory: this happened about 3 years ago with my now ex (we’re still cool) and still haunts me to this day. Also, sorry if the formatting is off, I’m typing this on mobile. A few years ago I (F18) met my first love (M17) the summer before I went to college. It was supposed to be a summer fling, but him and I got along quite well and decided to start dating. He would visit me on the weekends once I started college and we would spend some quality time together by have intimate conversations and getting to know each other better. About two months into the relationship, we decided that we wanted to try and “spice up” our sex lives. This is where anal comes in. It wasn’t something I had ever tried before and neither had he, so we thought why not? We planned a date for it and bought lubricant to make sure it went perfect. It did not. Obviously I don’t want to get too much into detail or make things graphic. But let’s just say we had a big meal before the main event. So we get back to my dorm, talk a little, and start making love. Everything is going fine and it’s time to let hime in the back door. We do some prepping (not enough in my opinion) and begin. After a few minutes, there’s a bit of a foul stench entering my nostrils. And then he stops. I turn around and my eyes widen in horror as he stares and me and says, “you just shit on my dick”. We never tried it again after that and I think I’m too traumatized to ever try it again. TL;DR: My boyfriend and I tried anal to have a spicier sex life and I shit on his member. Fun-Pea-880: That's all? You know he loves you when he grabs a kleenex, picks it up, throws it in the toilet, comes back to you hard, and picks up where you left off. No_Suspect_599: Oh no he was pissed. Like PISSED, but understandably so, it’s feces on his penis. I’d be pissed too ChrisGeritol: He stuck it up your butt. Does he not understand what butts are for? Seriously, if I stick anything in a woman's butt, I had better expect to wash it very well afterwards. Phatcat15: Like… I get they were together for two months but I’ve heard my wife Duce it out like a maniac… if I even wanted anal I’d be well aware of what situation I was sliding into.

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zambiezombiemc: TIFU when I cut the tip of my thumb off and kept cooking Forgive me for posting with mobile formatting. So as the title says, I was cutting some peppers for a dish my fiancé and I were cooking. I sliced off a little chunk of the tip of my thumb(very sharp knife) and immediately performed first aid. I didn’t notice at the time that I had actually removed a piece of my skin, and bandaged it. I then resumed cooking, added the peppers to the food and ate it. Later on, after dinner, I removed my first bandage and noticed I had lost a piece of my skin, not huge but noticeable. I probably have either eaten already, or will eat it when I eat leftovers. I definitely cooked it thoroughly. Am I in danger? Now I have to decide if I keep the leftovers(about 12 more servings of this food, I was meal prepping for the week), or if I should just eat it because I spent so much money on the ingredients. TL:DR I sliced the tip of my thumb off while cooking and didn’t notice, now I’ve either already ate it, or will eat it when I eat the leftovers. AusGeo: A friend was recounting this story, and was able to show us the gnarly scar. Let's call him Stevo. Stevo was working at a farmer's market. The demo chef was a no show, so he volunteered to run the cooking demo, which he had set up for; a pretty simple stir fry. He jumped in and everything was going a dream until he sliced a thin flap from along the back of his index finger. He then did several stupider things to deal with this wound; as he was trying to persevere and finish the cooking demo. He used the hot plate, lemon juice and salt to try and stem the bleeding. He finished the demo, and has a very gnarly scar on the back of his index finger to show for it. drdickemdown11: He sounds like a idiot, salt and lemon? Like one of the two worst feelings in a cut lol. AusGeo: That's a pretty accurate description. We were catching up over drinks after a couple of decades being out of touch. If all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. The only tools at hand at the time were cooking equipment and a small range of ingredients. He alternated between the cut, cooking, cauterising his digit, cooking, salt, cooking, lemon juice, cooking. Funny stories and a gnarly scar.

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Comfortable_Treat431: TIFU by confusing bananas and plantains I live in a house with three girls (F20s) who are legit the best people. We often get both bananas and plantains since we all share groceries. However, being the dumbass i am, I have been thinking that plantains are just slightly unripe and regular bananas. I mentioned to one of my roommates that we tend to go through bananas very quickly since I thought we both ate them raw and cooked. However, my roommate said that the cooking bananas were plantains. I agreed with her statement and then asked if they were the same thing. However, after 25 years, I finally learned that there was INFACT a difference and I have been eating the plantains raw when there are slightly green and more yellow for months. I still can't believe that I haven't realized the difference sooner. I'm just glad that my roommates and I have. a funny story about this. TL;DR I didn't know that there was a difference between regular bananas and plantains. Thinking they were the same, I HAVE BEEN EATING PLANTAINS for MONTHS thinking that they were just fat larger bananas. Bubbagumpredditor: Um, I have concerns for your taste buds. I tried eating a plantain like a banana once. Just once. Express_Sail_4558: Maybe OP never bothered removing the peel… Comfortable_Treat431: I did remove the peel but I am an idiot and ate it straight like a banana since the plantains we got tended to rippen up faster. They were never like super super bright green. More like a inbetween green and yellow utterlyuncool: Yeah, that's the colour. The taste being waaaay off didn't ring any bells? You must have an interesting palate. Comfortable_Treat431: Bro they tasted pretty similar expect maybe without the sweetness. I may also be a dumbass.

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Ghost_Online_64: TIFU By "deleting" most of my "memories"... ...from my computer. Not all, but some of THE most important moments of my life, family trips, my personal journey, random pics with old friends, even my ol'University backup folder....All gone. I was about to use the external drive where I store all the important things, to take our something. An error popped up about a system corruption....after 20 minutes of denial I ended up making the format of the drive as instructed, thinking I had a backup inside another drive. Ended up that the backup suffered error while on creation, was corrupted all along, and I effectively deleted everything. All I have now is a corrupted rar file, that only extracts 30% of the content. Its currently 5am and I don't sleep tonight. I've been shaking with adrenaline, after finishing the stages of denial. TL;DR I formatted the hard drive with my most important memories, only to realise too late, that the backup was corrupted, and recovered only 30% of the content. the past 4 years, down the drain. wavecult: Try Data Rescue, has worked well for me in the past on formatted drives. I had something similar happen to me back in '99 due to a Windows crash. Silly me allowed Windows to "repair" the problem it had caused. It clearly stated that all changes would be reversible by Windows if I wasn't happy with what it did. They weren't. ... turns out it was a fine time to switch to a superior operating system and never look back... But back to your case, chances are you'll be able to recover most files if not everything - so don't stress out just yet. Life's good. Ghost_Online_64: Tried it, didn't work. Everything it got was corrupted beyond saving wavecult: Oh man that sucks... If you just formatted and didnt use the drive since, the data shouldn't have been overwritten yet and should've been recoverable unless it was already previously corrupted before the incident or there's something I'm missing. You did the deep scan right? It takes ages but its the best way to go. If its not recoverable at all just keep in mind that a remote backup (I believe it is Amazon that has no-limit photo storage for free) for non-confidential stuff is a practical solution for disasters like this one. Ghost_Online_64: Well, I think after I formated the SSD, I may had placed the backupzip inside to to unzip it. (the drive is 200gb, the rar file and the data before it was around 25 gb each) so maybe it replaced it. As for the backup rar itself, yeah apparently that was corrupted since the day I made it , probably It didnt finish paching before I did something that stopped it. SO I got a catastrophic failure, and an amateur's mistake at once. That only speaks "Data Loss" ....It is what it is , I try to make peace with it and learn from it. A friend from work said they have a guy from the Office (I work in IT , they are Info Security) who has state-of-the-art data recovery software/device?(the kind that costs 4 digits to get) that can possibly helpout, even on the event of data coverup. Ive no clue, we'll see \- Im doing damage control (aka seeing what is recovered, what isnt , to have a clear idea of the scale of the loss) \- One ziped+unziped copy in two different external HDDs, Along with the main SSD. and a MEGA account for up to 20gb . Once its filled I'll be making a second acc. \-Luckily these past few years my phone had Android 1, meaning Google Photo integrated gallery, so anything I took with it is on the infinite Google photo cloud...It saved me the majority of the Top priority data, I just wish I had also kept my Uni material on OneDrive like I used to

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JCalebBR: TIFU by having multiple desktop wallpapers I have just solved a major mystery that had been consuming my mind for the last 2-3 months and I really feel like sharing it so everyone can laugh about it as much as I did. I should probably preface the rest of my account by stating that I'm an electronics tech by degree and trade (5y experience on repairing computers~~, aka the tech support guy yay!~~), currently at uni for Data Science & AI. ~~Please don't use this against me.~~ The problem was that my PC would freeze exactly on the dot of every hour, sometimes every half an hour exactly, maybe even every 10 minutes. I had been doing some investigations on the side, every few nights, when I had the time. I went through my standard procedure. Checked Windows logs, processes usage on *taskmgr*, googled my problem ~~(this happened before all else tbf)~~, etc. **NOTHING caught my eye as abnormal.** It was weird, it would lag just the Windows Explorer process, rendering all inputs frozen until it properly restarted and replayed my keypresses back in order to become in sync. It was very annoying and stressful, since I also depend on my PC for work (and gaming). You can probably imagine how you would feel if your PC started acting up in the middle of a match in X or Y game, every half an hour on the dot, but I digress. It recently also caused my PC to bluescreen twice, which is why I got so fed up with it. Naturally, I decided that tonight, I wanted to completely format my PC, to get rid of it (the problem) in the easiest way possible. I started backing up my files, took screenshots of how my desktop looks, quick access folders, etc ~~- very particular about how I organize my stuff, totally not an OCD thing -~~ **then it occurred to me...** I should make a one last ditch effort to catch it happening live, record it for posterity, so people don't end up calling me crazy. I decide to do just that. I'm right there, with three explorer folders open in three different windows, opened the Windows Clock settings and have Medal ready to make a clip of it. I'm holding left click and keep dragging an explorer window around on screen... **the clock ticks forward... and forward...** the hour comes, it's exactly *02:00:00*, it **HAPPENS AGAIN!** ~~- def not crazy after all~~ but, I notice something. I had everything going on my main monitor, I had my side monitor with nothing open, I spot that my desktop wallpapers also changed exactly in sync with the lag! **SO I IMMEDIATELY KNOW WHAT WAS CAUSING THE LAG** I'm a Warhammer 40K nerd, and obviously I had set up a folder with some high res wallpapers - 2K, 4K, one probably around 8K res and had windows automagically change wallpapers every hour. I think at some point, weeks ago, I changed it to half an hour, in order for it to be more dynamic and noticeable, but I didn't connect the dots back then. The main issue seemed to be the combo of those high res wallpapers and the damn setting where Windows tries to match the colour of your Windows Task Bar to the main colour of the current wallpaper dynamically, it seems that the calculations + applying the style to all windows opened would trigger major lag. The worst of it all are the collective man hours I've spent, waiting for it go back to normal, after 5-10 seconds of lag... for 2-3 months, every hour or half an hour, you can probably do the math on how this simple fuck up made me lose so much time and sanity. ~~I did the math, anywhere from 1 hours 20 minutes to 8 hours, but its probably wrong, it's late...~~ **I love computers.** **TL;DR -** My PC used to lag for 10 seconds every half/hour on the dot, every day for 2-3 months. It was all because past me decided to use a folder with high res wallpapers and (quoting myself here) ***"the damn setting where Windows tries to match the colour of your Windows Task Bar to the main colour of the current wallpaper dynamically"*** which caused me to lose many work hours and fun evenings Kaezin: If you're blue screening then it is most likely a hardware problem (although could be drivers). The blue screen event should show up in the Windows event log and give you a hint about the failing component. Do you remember what the blue screen blamed for the shutdown? JCalebBR: I've gotten various different codes, looked them up too but it all pointed in different directions. Nothing like diagnosing weird issues.

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VampireFrown: Yeah, I'll say it for the people in the back: they are permanently out the door **AFTER THE FIRST TIME**. Vulcane_: not when you have a child rockstar_nailbombs: Such an awful take. Having no self-respect is one thing, but when there's children involved, don't forget that they're always watching and always learning. And in this case, this is a child who will learn that disrespect and doormat behavior is totally normal in a relationship, likely propagating it themselves later in life. People love to say "We want the best for our children," but then they keep making awful decisions like this. Vulcane_: you think trying to heal a relationship after one person made a mistake is bad parenting? you really shouldn't have kids. rockstar_nailbombs: Cheating on someone 3 times in a row isn't exactly "oopsie I made a mistake" territory. Nor is staying with someone who has done that to you. Vulcane_: notice how the person i replied to said "once" brickmaster32000: Even once isn't really just a mistake. You don't just accidentally cheat on someone. Vulcane_: mistakes dont have to be accidents. xkoreotic: Can you guarantee a cheater won't cheat again? Cheating isn't just some "small mistake." It's one of the biggest disrespects in life. You take a person's trust in you and you throw it on the ground, spit on it, stomp it out, and then go have fun with someone else? That's perfectly fine in your eyes and worth forgiving? You must be joking right? Vulcane_: how can you motherfuckers not read? and even put things that aren't said into the conversation?? brickmaster32000: We can read but you continuing to plead that cheating should be treated as just a mistake doesn't make it so. Vulcane_: do you think calling cheating a mistake = justifying it?? brickmaster32000: When you insist that it should not have consequences and should just be swept under the rug it certainly comes across that way. Vulcane_: you realize these "consequences" you're talking about are not having the child grow up with only one parent? brickmaster32000: The person who cheated should have thought of that. Now the child has to do that regardless because that marriage is wrecked even if the other stays in the house.

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fryman3000: TIFU and now I'm leaving my company of over 4 years because I royally lost my cool Project Manager at a call center for context. ​ So it was a normal Monday. I work remote and the gist is I have a book of business clients, typically small-to-medium business owners I have consultations with. ​ I am at work. Every day. I in fact volunteered for Monday(MLK Day) so I wouldn't have to cover holidays the rest of the year. To quote Clerks "I wasn't even supposed to be here today." Had a whole game plan. Plans to go to Germany with family, pay debt off after tax season, get my teeth fixed with new insurance(through work mind you). Then certifications(which get expensive) car, dog, and off we go into life liberty and all that crap. And Every day, I exceeded metrics within my company. For 4 years I did this, kissing asses fatter than the day is long. It put this almost what I could only compare to a metaphorical poison on my soul. This bitter thing that wasn't me, but enflamed by this customer service bullshit persona I presented for years to pay the rent and buy groceries. ​ welp. ​ That all came down like a house of cards when whilst thinking I was on mute, the utterance found its way out of my lips: ​ ​ "Fuckin' Cocksucker" ​ ​ This happened less than 24 hours ago so I'm still kind of in a weird space. Naturally this sub seemed like the place to go get it out somewhere visible. I know what I did was wrong, I've listened to the call twice now and I definitely said it. ​ For some further context on the call, the guy was an ass. Full disclosure I don't feel bad about calling him that, he was being a fuckin' cocksucker. Having said that, it was unprofessional. I know this and fully should not have done that at all. ​ Basically I was reviewing a product that was built for them by our design team. The customer has the ability to make changes with a modifications team after this. I facilitate how to use the product , how to make changes, and get feedback. So on our call, he shits all over the product just over and over again about how it wasn't what he requested in notes(which mind you, he didn't give us shit for notes to work with). I'm reassuring him the entire call, best customer service foot forward, he's complaining he's having a hard time understanding me because of call quality. Basically when it rains it pours situation. ​ 15 minutes I'm on this call and we finally make it to the end. That's it, we're done. Cool. I go to mute my mic on the headset only later to discover my headset mic wasn't active, my laptop mic was. ​ The reason I found this out is because the customer emailed me minutes after the call asking verbatim: ​ "Did you call me a COCKSUCKER????" ​ And since stupid is as stupid does, I fucking lied. ​ "No I did not." ​ And that was it really. I told my manager immediately. We actually have a good relationship and I knew there was no way I wasn't getting fired. I left no details out, sent the call log to her. I felt bad, She knows I work hard and she always had my back, but it was just one of those things there was no way around. She's actually really bummed about it. She was gracious enough to let me turn in a two week notice. ​ She sent me home, told me to still clock in tomorrow because upper leadership wasn't in today due to the holiday. I sent my two week resignation in a few hours ago. ​ I don't feel bad about what I said, I feel bad about the people I affect ultimately though. I let the pressure fucking break me and I felt weak and stupid. It affected my boss, my roommates, my livelihood. Two words brought it down all because I didn't check my shit. ​ I just wanted to get this out there in the ether. I'm feeling better than I did earlier but I definitely bawled my eyes out initially because I felt so goddamn stupid, thankfully my dad was there to talk me through it. I'm handling it pretty well I think considering- just feels a little surreal and I'll have to adjust. I'm not religious but I think the phrase "blessing in disguise" applies. ​ Eventually I got to the point of "Am I going to let this job be responsible for my happiness?" ​ Which I was able to get to a surprisingly quick confirmation: ​ "No." ​ If there's some of you out there who have or feel like you might blow your lid, it happens. It's just a job, my friends and family have been supportive at the get and that really helps. Also on the ups, there's some mild liberation I feel, I didn't get to leave on my own terms, but I'm finally leaving and I feel good about it(aside from the financial anxiety). I'm excited for more daylight hours to take a more focused dive into my passions and a different industry I want to have a career in. Small bump on life's road, and what really gets you through is good passengers in the car. ​ ​ Thanks for letting me vent it out, and hopefully it can provide some kind of catharsis to some of you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just going to involve some ramen packets for a while :) ​ tl;dr Called a customer a 'fuckin' cocksucker' over the phone thinking I was on mute. I was not. Boss was cool and is letting me quit R0GERTHEALIEN: The real FU was putting in your 2 weeks notice before anyone had a chance to even review the situation. You just lost any unemployment benefits for no reason. fryman3000: They let me go today, so that's still on the table cstmoore: It's not on the table if they have the resignation letter you sent them. Just because you gave them two weeks' notice doesn't mean that they have to let you stay two weeks or at all. fryman3000: Oh well, live and learn kiase: It’s still on the table, just unlikely. OP, I’d still file for unemployment benefits and appeal once if you’re denied at first. *Especially* if you have any kind of written record of your manager saying they would fire you, but let you resign instead. The worse that can happen is you’re denied benefits which puts you in the same position as if you never applied at all. boogboi89: some states (and countries) are different but where I live the only unemployment benefits he would be eligible for would be the 2 weeks they let him go early (since he wouldn't have a job after that two weeks they aren't responsible for him after X date) and you don't get benefits for the week they fired you so even if he applied he would only get 1 week

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ToughEntrance-6650xt: TIFU by assuming my son didn't like his computer I got him, turns out he loves it dearly TIFU. About 3 years ago I got my son (16 then, 19 now) all the components needed to build a computer, he'd gotten super into it and wanted to build one. My husband had gotten a big bonus and we wanted to splurge on our kids. He has high functioning autism and he struggled with mental health, when he was about 16 I could tell he wasn't doing okay, and I would straight ask him and would always shy away, no matter how much I tried and what I did. I didn't think this computer would just fix his sadness, but I was hoping it would make him happy- and it did, alot more than I (previously) thought. His old computer could barely run his favorite games, so around Christmas I asked his brother to ask him some questions about what he wanted for a computer and we got it outta him non chanlantely. I later ordered the parts and Christmas rolled around. When he opened them he was less happy than I expected, it surprised me. I thought he would cry but he didn't, he was visibly happy but not as much as I expected, he later built his computer and played on it all the time (he still uses it all the time). That brings us to today, he was on break from college and brought his girlfriend over, we were talking and he brought up that computer. He was talking about how it changed him and made is exponentially happier than he had ever been, I was surprised by this statement. I brought up how he didn't seem as happy as he described and he said something that made me almost cry. "That computer was about the only reason I didn't kill myself" I knew he always struggled with mental health but that really caught me off guard, and it also got his girlfriend too, she seemed like she'd never heard anything like this from him before. He said that and everyone at the house tensed up, it got really awkward and he realized what he did. We just ate then watched TV until it was time for him to go back to his place, we said we love each other and he went on his way. He did seem a bit frustrated at me, and his girlfriend simply mad. That's the last I've heard of him since and I'm not sure how to approach it. TL;DR, I thought my son was only mildly happy with his computer I got him but it actually made his mental health improve, now they're mad at me for my assumption. Elendur_Krown: You should consider whether it would be beneficial to explicitly bring up (at least) the following: * That you were unaware that he was in such a bad place, mentally. * That you did not have the time to process the information during dinnertime. * That you are glad that he became happier, and that you want him to be happy. Don't tiptoe around these things. Be explicit about your feelings, and help him understand that you don't blame him for keeping you informed about his life. As a parent, you want that! Signed, a son who loves talking to his parents about heavy topics, and a father who wants to talk to his children about heavy topics in the future. johndeerdrew: Both my son and I are autistic. We have each had suicidal thoughts. The only reason neither of us have acted on them is because we talk about them openly with each other. Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. lilcheezzyy: That seems like such a breath of fresh air. When I was growing up and depressed and said I wanted to kill myself, I was just told not to say that because it'll make others feel bad. Then, I repressed those thoughts and feelings for years, became a depressed alcoholic and everyone in my family was like ???. Like yall never once addressed the issue, yall just silenced me. How are yall surprised? lingering_POO: People suck…. At dealing with mental health. Whether it’s theirs or someone else’s. I hope you’re ok bud. I’m glad you’re here. lilcheezzyy: In therapy now! And actually dealing with my issues instead of shoving them aside. Makes a huge difference. Thank you and glad you're here as well. lingering_POO: Fuck yes, king! Getting that help and working on shit… this is the way. Good on ya brother. Keep your head tall and put it in that work. Proud of you

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brokecondomthrowaway: TIFU by finishing with a broken condom Whelp, this just happened, and I feel like an utter shitbag, and yes, I am clearly an idiot. Some context. I'm seeing a woman an ocean apart from me. We're both in our mid-40s, and this thing between us just sort of happened. We live in different countries and only have the chance to actually see each other very infrequently. Because of this when we're together we fuck like rabbits and it's absolutely wonderful. She is the most amazing sexual partner I've ever had, and even the sex aside I care deeply for her. Now to the fuckup. We woke up in bed this morning after a night of drinking and more amazing sex. And of course, we started going at it as soon as we both woke up in our tired stupor. As we started, I felt a little pop, and the condom breaking crossed my mind, but I wasn't sure, and instead of checking, I kept going and finished. Only to find out that yes, it did indeed break. She is obviously very pissed off about this. I can't blame her, this is my fuck up after all. She'll take a morning after pill in case so I'm not worried about her getting pregnant, but I am worried about it making her feel like shit because she is leaving for a trip tomorrow. I'm also not worried about STDs either as we aren't sleeping around. What I am worried about is irreparably damaging our blossoming relationship. She is a very understanding person, she's knows shit happens and you deal with it and move on. But still I'm worried I broke her trust in me and set us back. Let my fuck up serve as a warning that whenever there is a doubt just stop and check, no matter how good it feels. The aftermath will be 1000% worse than breaking the mood. tldr; I thought the condom might have broke and instead of stopping I finished anyway, and now I hurt someone I care deeply for. Zensiv: Honestly you should be good tbh. Your both adults and should be able to get over the mistake. This happened to me before and I honestly didn’t feel it break at all instead she said she may have felt it break and didn’t stop me. So it could be as much her fault as it is yours. I just made a creampie joke and she took plan b and we moved on with our lives brokecondomthrowaway: Thank you. I'm probably worrying too much. Zensiv: It’s normal to overthink it. Trust me I was stressing out, but my partner wasn’t nervous at all so that helped. Of course if your nervous about anything just talk to her about it, communication always helps. brokecondomthrowaway: Sorry you got down voted for what you said, but you were also the most correct of everyone in this thread. She went and got her pill and took it, then she came over after work. We had a quick chat, she told me to stop being so dramatic about it, and we're moving on. She's going on her awesome vacation, I'm heading back home, and the world keeps on spinning. Zensiv: Lol no worries man. I’m just glad to hear you guys are doing alright.

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I-Passed6789: Eww no. I don't ride dicks. I only had 2 boyfriends. Well if you can count d!ckhead as a boyfriend because we only went out for like a month or less. TouchMehBewts: Sure are riding relationships, and his 'mate' who's going behind his back with his friends recent ex will surely treat you well! He definitely won't be sleazy at all! Think ya should honestly take a break for a bit, for your own sake. You already like to retaliate and lash out instead of just ending things or communicating your emotions. And for the record, no I'm not saying laundry boy was in the right. I-Passed6789: Man you are projecting hard right now. First of all they weren't even close friends. They went to same grad school. Hence they kinda know each other. He was in that party because his close friends dragged him to it. Also my relationship with dickhead was less than a month. It was not some serious thing. You are acting like it was something traumatic and I need years of therapy before I could think about dating someone. Chill out. TouchMehBewts: You do need therapy before you get with anyone. Also I get you're young, I don't think you know what 'projection' is. I don't think I've ever been in a situation close to yours. Lastly, I'm going off what you said. You called them mates, not "his barely friends who went to grad school together" close friends or not, my point is HE was being sleazy. Then again so are you, I'm sure you'll be a perfect match. Get professional help. Imafish12: Homie your bowl of incel and small dick energy is running over. I can smell your computer chair from here. TouchMehBewts: Not your 'homie' but nothing I've said is incel like. Never once did I side with the dude who's an asshole, just called her out for being shitty too. Kinda scary you don't know definition of incel but want to throw it around because it's the new internet trend. bellesavage: Dude you called her a community bicycle for having a date lined up weeks after breaking up with someone who treated her like garbage. Doesn't get much more misogynistic than that. Instead of recommending therapy for her you should probably look into it for yourself, you've got some stuff to work out if you want healthy relationships in your future TouchMehBewts: Uh oh, I've also called men a community bike. Must be misogynistic against men too! And honest to God if you think that's misogynistic, and doesn't get more misogynistic than that... you just have 0 clue what you're even talking about. Also, community bicycle refers also to her staying within a community of friends.... once again I know it's hard for you to grasp because logic isn't your strong suit, but you'll be alright there chief. Also, in a 3 1/2 year, very healthy and stable relationship. So, no I don't think I really do have much to work out in relationships. They aren't hard, communicate and don't be shitty... pretty hard if ya ask me! lagonborn: >Must be misogynistic against men too! No, you're just being a creep and a besserwisser. Log off and go get some sleep or something.

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[deleted]: TIFU by accidentally deleting the company's entire database [removed] Scpj: Are we talking an actual database or an Excel sheet? I have a hard time seeing how this could happen C-D-W: Possibly a middle ground: Access. burnmenowz: Even access doesn't let you delete if someone is actively writing. How important was it if it wasn't being used during business hours? C-D-W: Doesn't have to be used actively all day every day to be important. If anything, those are the more dangerous things because it can go a little while before the error it noticed! burnmenowz: If it contains customer information and sales data they're probably using it everyday. I don't buy it C-D-W: Without knowing anything about the nature of the business (other than it being poorly managed) even that's hard to say. If you're a small business that does medium length consulting for example - you're not making sales every day. So it's plausible. But as with anything on Reddit - take it with a huge grain of salt. I only believe it is plausible because I've maintained Access databases that were mildly important and if those can end up being deleted by idiots - and they have, more important ones definitely can.

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EvilDorito2: tifu by allowing my friend to remain stuck between stairs This happened almost two years ago, at my friend's 18 b day. I'm disappointed to say we were all sober for this one, or at least nowhere near hammered enough for it to be an excuse. for this story to make sense, you must understand that my friend's house has stairs that are not connected one to another. The steps are slabs of glass parallel to each other, and you can comfortably crawl between them to the other side. My friend said she used to do this as a kid. Now, one of the girls had a ring she dropped. The ring rolled beyond the stairs and no one but my friend could see it. Everyone but my friend and me went upstairs to do god knows what, i remained because of reasons and my friend decided to be the knight in shining armor and save the ring from the honestly agoraphobic cage it was laying in, considering that no one could see it. So, my friend crawled through up till the waist and grabbed it in a few seconds. Problem solved, right? no. Because you see, here's where the reason for my fuckup happens. My friend is.... well endowed, if i'm to be polite. And, for the special occasioin, she was also wearing a push up bra. And this two factors, combined with the relatively small space between the steps, made it so she was STUCK. She tried to pull back, but as people who wear bras would know, the cup flattens easily from the top, but not from the bottom, especially with a metal wire on it. So she was pushing and pulling herself, either forward or back, but the bra - which i now assume it was made of titanium from how unforgiving it was - wouldn't let her through. Now, what was i doing? what was this no doubt loyal fella when her own friend was stuck in such a compromising position, with hell on earth going on upsairs when a bunch of not quite sober teens had a house to their own? Well, dear readers, this is my fuckup, because I Was LAUGHING. it wasn't a mean laugh, if there's any consolation. I am fully and ultimately honest when i say i couldn't get off the floor. Like my friend was stuck between the stairs, that way i was stuck to the floor, quickly developing asthma because my body wouldn't let me STOP LAUGHING. I am not joking when i say i was stuck to the floor for a few good minutes, just trying to breathe, with my friend yelling at me to get off my ass and help her. (it must be noted that, before my unplaned fit of laughter, while i still had some modicum of agency over my body, i tried to help her and pull her out. As you can probably guess, i failed.) Anyway, once i finally got my bearings a little, i managed to crawl towards her, squeeze my hand between her back and the stais and unclasp the iron maiden that was her pretty push up bra. TLDR: my friend was stuck between stairs and i was laughing too hard to help her If you're imagining this is the type of story we'd swear ourselves to secrecy around, you'd be wrong. Most of our common friends have heard it already, as she's very fondly recounting how much or a maniac i was the whole time apexncgeek: This story would have made a great picture. TroublemakingB: Should have been LOTS of pictures. I would like to see the glass stairs.

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PermanentRoundFile: TIFU by getting in a fight in my dream Last night, I [31F] was having a dream where my fiance [31F] and I went to a music festival. Most of it was just normal dream stuff but at one point this woman squared up with my fiance. Now, my lady is a scraper but I'm not going to leave her by herself so I step in like "oh no you don't, you ain't fighting her, you're fighting me/us" and this girl cocked back like she was about to go! So I punched her right in the sternum and was getting ready to secure our exit when I hear a voice IRL. My fiance's voice. "WHAT THE HECK BABE?!" Apparently when I threw a punch in my dream I also threw a punch IRL. A weak asleep punch but I caught her right in the face! She's fine; after giving me quite a look she rolled over and went right back to sleep, and this morning we've had a good laugh about it. TL;DR: Punched the love of my life trying to punch someone in my dream bingold49: If you're like my ex wife and act like it was real, you should get indignant and be like "I was trying to defend you." aoechamp: Or the classic “you cheated on my in my dreams” bingold49: Oh fuck yeah, been down that road DeathGP: Question, was the dream cheating part of the reason theyre an ex? Personally I think I would checking out of the relationship if my partner said that to me bingold49: No, that's a story for a different thread

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d00bZuBElEk: TIFU by having a hockey game on in the background while the company VP and my boss passed me by [removed] rtosser: Don't worry about it. You're not doing open heart surgery. They will forget about it. Still doesn't beat a former coworker of mine who had a cubicle that backed onto the main walkway. He would frequently be caught watching either women's wrestling or topless ping-pong, with the sound on. SmittyManJensen_: Thanks, now I’m interested in topless ping pong. Maybe I’ll check it out at work today.

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ballonfightaddicted: TIFU by going in a liquor store for lemonade… TIFU by going in a liquor store for lemonade… Last night I was thinking of the canned Minute Maid lemonade my babysitter used to get me when she was at the liquor store in town through the drive thru So today I decided to go there and see if they still had some for my mini fridge As I walked in 2 cops who used to be at my school immediately recognized me and asked “*My Name* why the hell are you in here you’re not 21” they thought I was gonna get some booze with a fake id I felt really embarrassed as I was talking to them and showing them my real id telling them I was just trying to see if they had any canned minute made lemonade They laughed and the guy there sold me some saying “they almost got ya didn’t they” I walked out with lemonade in hand embarrassed that I almost got arrested for buying lemonade Tl;Dr: went to a liquor store for some lemonade ran into some cops I knew ChrisGeritol: Tell the cops to piss off. ChiSandTwitch: Yeah... I don't think the ends well in America ChrisGeritol: He wasn't doing anything illegal. The cops shouldn't be harassing him. ChiSandTwitch: Hahahahhahaha, like that's why cops harass people. Come on man, this is America we're talking about. You can't just tell a cop to piss off because you're not doing something illegal ChrisGeritol: You absolutely can. It is your First Amendment right. Terux94: No one follow this, you'll get beaten, shot, or maimed. ChrisGeritol: Always have a camera.

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Sagie11: TIFU by not cleaning out my condom wrappers from my drawer. This happened today. Title for the win! Okay so I (24f) still live with my parents, and my 11 year old sister. My bf of 5 years and I have been storing our condoms and the wrappers in my top desk drawer, easy access and it's right next to my bed. So when we unwrap one we put the wrapper in the drawer so he can take it and throw it away at his place, cause my parents will notice a handful of condoms just in the bin where he can just throw it away in his bin that stays outside. It's been a few months since we've taken them and chucked them, but I asked him last week to help clean it out and we forgot, it's nothing gross just open wrappers. So today I had a migraine and asked my sister to grab me some pain meds that I keep on my desk organiser, which is on the opposite side of the drawers. She eventually gets it and we move on. She then comes and sits in the lounge with us (my mother and grandmother, my father is at work) and looks like she's upset. We ask until she eventually breaks down and sobs explaining her mistake. She had misunderstood where I mentioned the pills were and opened my drawer. And the damage was done. She freaked out because she was shocked that there are so many and that they're open. I couldn't help but giggle, embarrassed and finding the situation funny. She sobbed for a bit more and my grandmother mentioned she was disillusioned because her big sister does those things. She eventually stopped crying and seemed to get over the initial shock but she can't look at me properly now. So that was fun. Gotta hide them in a place she can't reach (gonna be hard cause I'm almost shorter than her) when I move in March TL:DR my 11 year old sister found my condom drawer that I forgot to clean out and is slightly traumatised about it Edit: Okay this was controversial, who would think a story about my sister finding a few condom wrappers and empty boxes in a drawer, she wasnt supposed to open, would cause people to be this angry. Thanks for all the tips and the rather upset comments. Oh and the insults too! I just shared this cause it was funny at the time. Didn't expect the controversy lol ChrisGeritol: You save the wrappers so you don't have to throw condoms in your trash, so he takes the USED CONDOMS home with him? Sagie11: No no, we get rid of those we just put the wrappers in the drawer. ChrisGeritol: Do you flush them? I'm just trying to not imagine the guy stuffing spooged up condoms in his pocket. Sagie11: Yeah we flush them, 😅 the thought of him stuffing his pockets is hilarious 😂 notenoughcharact: Please don’t flush condoms. They’re going to clog your drains, then a plumber will have to come to clear the blockage and the snake will pull up the clog for your parents to see. Sagie11: We're moving soon so hopefully nothing clogs it till then, but thanks I'll keep it in mind. 😅 FemaleDogEqualsBitch: So your parents will have to deal with it and the bills, instead? How old are you again? ArtemisWYK: This story just ain't adding up

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coldwhipzx: TIFU By Giving Myself A Penile Fracture I am writing this mainly because there is not alot of information on reddit about this particular injury Around October of last year I was having sex with my girlfriend when I thrust too hard at the wrong angle and tore my Urethra and two blood vessels in my penis. When the injury first occurred I was close to climaxing. Because of this, when the injury happened and the blood vessels and urethra were torn, blood started mixing into my urethra. I was cumming blood I was not in pain but I could feel that my dick was not pointing in the right direction and turned on the lights, blood was everywhere and pouring out of me at an alarming rate (think you’re cumming but it doesn’t stop and its blood) At this point I’m panicking and yell out that I need to go to the hospital immediately. I throw on loose pants without zipping them up, a hoodie, and grab a towel to soak the blood thats coming out and me and my girl go to the hospital. The hospital near me specialized in bodily injury and doesn’t have the type of dr that I need to see (Urologist), so I have to drive 30 minutes away to the closest hospital that has a Urology department. Once I get to this secondary hospital I am immediately taken in and put into a room of my own once they see my dick and about an hour later I see a Urologist who runs some tests and tells me about the ruptured urethra and blood vessels. I need surgery The surgery is a process called “de gloving” where they “de-glove” the skin around your penis, roll it down, and make an incision into the underside of the skin and go in and stitch up the torn vessels and urethra, these are dissolvable stitches and they stay in your penis until they go away on their own. About 8 hours later I actually go into surgery, I don’t remember anything. I was wheeled into the operating room and the anesthesiologist cracked a dumb joke and then I was out. I woke up with my penis wrapped up in bandages and a catheter in me. If you have never had to use a catheter count yourself lucky. I was told I needed to keep the catheter in for 10 days. These were the longest 10 days of my life. If you asked me what the pain was on a scale of 1-10, it was 7 with the opiods, and 11 without them. Any little movement with my penis and I got searing pain. Wearing any type of clothes was out because I just could not take it, I was pretty much naked during those ten days. Anytime the catheter twisted? Pain. Anytime I had to roll out of bed to go get something from the fridge? Pain. Worst of all? Erections. As the men reading this will know, erections are not really voluntary, we just get them sometimes. Morning wood is a real thing and its not controllable. want to know what getting an erection feels like when you have stitches in your dick and a catheter? Worse than words could ever explain. I woke up screaming three times a night. I would tear something and I could see the stale blood along the catheter as my erections came and went. The blood became crispy and if I didnt clean it when it happened, the next erection would be 5 times as painful because it would grow along the stale, sharp leftover blood on the catheter. I quickly learned how to kill erections, but it was still really bad. I’m actually leaving out some details because I’m not fully recovered yet and the phantom pain comes back as I’m trying to recall it. As of today, I have the catheter out and can walk around again, but erections are still painful, I imagine that will go away in the next few weeks. `TL;DR` Broke my dick when having sex. 0 out of 10 would not recommend. Spent 10 days with a catheter inside and still have months of recovery ahead PsychNeck_Ash: New fear unlocked...Are you above 6 inches? coldwhipzx: Good question! The biggest risks with having this procedure done are permanent ED and a high risk of being slightly smaller than you were depending on how your vessels and urethra heal. My good fortune, I don’t have ED and my dick is now slightly larger. Because of the way my tissue healed I am 0.21 inches longer. But I have a strong curve to the right. Edit: I am now very slightly, just barely above 6 inches. Before I was about the length of an iphone pro PsychNeck_Ash: The reason I asked you about size is due to the fact that chances of penile fracture increases with the length of the penis... coldwhipzx: See edit🙏🏽, I realize I didn’t actually answer your question PsychNeck_Ash: Size of an iphone pro is large...next time be careful😶 Phatcat15: Me staring at my IPhone right now  PsychNeck_Ash: 😅

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[deleted]: Tifu but back in secondary school [removed] kearnel81: Also in the UK. What school were you in that it's expected that Yr 7's get bullied. For my Yr 7 I was in a grammar school and moved to a different secondary school and wasn't bullied in either. Nobody else was either [deleted]: I went to a regular secondary school where that stuff was common we can’t all go to rare schools like yours. And chances are if it didn’t happen to you you are blind to whomever it did happen too bullying is common enough everywhere kearnel81: Only the one was posh. The other was a regular public one. Also it was the 90s when I was in secondary school. Bullying seems a lot worse now [deleted]: I didn’t even tell the time I got bog washed lol kearnel81: Wtf is big washed. Lol [deleted]: Bog wash* kearnel81: Damn your school was harsh. Was it a city school? [deleted]: Biggest school in the area so we had a good mix

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[deleted]: TIFU by telling my sister I was going to ask her friend to dance [deleted] PaysOutAllNight: Wow, your sister must have been really mad to steal all your paragraph breaks! Furdling: oh shoot, forgot about that, lemme see if I can edit it lol

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[deleted]: TIFU by offering to help a stranger at uni with their assignment and then blocking them after Basically I was at university and I was going to class and this guy asked me if I wanted to dental care, being the idiot that I am I said yes and gave him my contact information and name, he gave me his business card and resume and I then after walking away I had realized that that was random and awkward, I didn’t fuck up that bad, might be strange if I bump into him again, also I threw away the stuff he gave me a few moments after. Has this type of thing ever happened to anyone else? I feel too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. For more details, I am a freshman and today was literally my first day of college ever, I just feel really cringeworthy about my behavior and stuff and I don’t know how to act. Also I am new to posting and whatnot so I am not sure if this was well written or not but I hope it is and that y’all can give some perspectives to this strange predicament I have found myself in today! Tl;Dr Basically I offered something I couldn’t do and I suffer from embarrassment, especially because it was unnecessary in the first place Andrewoholic: Im confused right now. None of it is making sense to me and I'm clueless as what you are trying to tell us. [deleted]: What do you mean? I can try to clarify things. Andrewoholic: It's poor English. None of it makes sense Andrewoholic: " I wanted to dental care" what????? [deleted]: English is not my first language I am sorry Andrewoholic: ok

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Davetherocker: TIFU by telling my show-off friend how much my partner makes and I feel awful now I have a long time friend “Tony”. He was once my boss but we’ve both moved jobs a few times since then. Sometimes he thinks he’s still my boss! He tries to give me advice/ criticism about everything: my car, my career, my home, my garden, where I should go on holiday…..while telling me about his new extension, his new car etc. He’s obsessed with money and part of why he’s always ‘advising’ me is to try and work out what I earn and what I can afford to spend, just to satisfy himself he’s still doing better than me. I do not care at all what he thinks. I never have, so probably good he is no longer my boss. I’m not selling him at all well, but he is actually a good bloke and his heart is in the right place, which is why I still see him and just ignore these parts…. normally. Saw him today. Told him about my partner’s new job. She’s got herself a fantastic promotion with a salary to match and I’m so pleased for her, she’s worked so hard and really deserves it. He made a slightly patronising comment, about her, ‘little lady’ type thing. Earlier when I said I don’t care what he thinks - well turns out I have an Achilles heel and I do. I told him what she earns and he looked a bit stunned and blustered a bit, clearly she’s out-earning him, even if I’m not. I don’t think it even occurred to him the job she had was in that league. I feel terrible now. If I tell her, she’ll be furious with me, it makes me as show-offy as him and she’s got far more class than that. I thought I had. But if I don’t tell her that’s even worse, means I’m lying to her. What was I bloody thinking? TL;DR I told my bragging friend how much my partner earns to shut him up, which worked but my partner will be really pissed if/ when she finds out. JackJack65: Eh, I don't see why you should feel bad about it. Perhaps it's not polite to discuss money so much, but if he's the one that continually brings up the subject, I don't see a good reason to hide the fact that your partner is doing well. If you speak to your partner about it, I would simply explain that your show-off friend had such a superiority complex that he goaded you into pushing back, by demonstrating to him that he's hardly the most successful person you know. Unless your partner explicitly asked you to keep her salary private, no harm done really :) Davetherocker: Thanks for your comments/ explanation. I might steal some of it. But it remains that while she didn’t explicitly ask me not to share it, it was very much expected. She really will hate this. aussie_nub: I'm also not really sure why you think you've lied to her by not telling her. Did she ask you? Then you haven't lied. Is there any expectation that this is something you shouldn't do? It's not like you cheated, but for some, discussing your finances with us could be a deal breakers. If it's not though, I wouldn't even bother bringing it up. MerleFSN: Omission is a grey zone. If he can openly hash that out it would be more favorable, I think. Imagine this coming back to her ears, and not from him. Yea, he might not have lied then still, but obviously it was of interest to her cause it is about her. aussie_nub: It's not really. It's impossible to raise everything with a partner, you only talk about the things that are most important to you. If there's absolutely no indication that it's off limits, then why would it be a problem? If it does every come up, then you can apologise, but it probably won't.

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regular_fanta: TIFU By breaking the shower cord. [removed] monstblitz: I'm so confused. Clearly I'm losing some things in translation here, as I'd imagine your outhouse is different that what I typically think of an outhouse if you're putting snacks in there. I don't put snacks in outhouses here in the states until after I've eaten them. I'm not sure if it's more lost in translation or if this super minor TIFU is just buried in a mountain of completely unrelated daily minutiae. ThrowRaDependent-Ant: I agree and am not sure how it broke or why they didn't turn off the water. This could have been 4 sentences. monstblitz: It almost makes it the funniest one I’ve read all day. Unintentionally I think, unless this guy or girl is a genius! regular_fanta: Lol, mu friends say that i have a funny sense of humor😂

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Doodleseatingdoodles: TIFU by offering to babysit for free Obligation to say this happened a month ago. One of my coworkers is super nice (F27) and has a two year old son. She's been going through a breakup with a toxic ex who was verbally abusing her and she lost a lot of her stuff and had to move back in with her mother who lives an hour away from work. She currently doesn't have a car so her mother picks her up and drops her off. She signed up for therapy at a place that was only a block away from my house so I offered to watch her son for an hour for free so that she could go. When the day came it turned out she never had a ride to therapy and had no idea how she was going to get there and I felt bad and under pressure to say that I would drive her there, which also meant staying at work for another hour waiting for her to clock out with her son (we work at a daycare). Her son and I drop her off even though her therapy wasn't for a little longer just because I didn't want to have to get everyone back in the car again. The kid and I go to my place and have a blast. Not 10 minutes later she calls me asking where I live because turns out her therapy wasn't until the next week. She was embarrassed so I didn't mind and she came over. It just became a little awkward because she just sat on her phone on my couch while her son was running around doing whatever he wanted. After about an hour I asked how she was getting home and she tells me finally that her mom didn't want to drive the whole way, an hour, to get her so she asked if we could meet half way. I just wanted them out of my house so I said ok. They had me drive to a random gas station 45 minuets away somewhere I have never been to. The son who was screaming had finally fallen asleep watching my phone in the back and by this time it's almost 8pm. They didn't meet halfway but actually very close to her mom's house. We get to the gas station and she fucking gets out without even saying thank you but gave me $10 for gas. I got out to help her with the car seat when her step dad gets out of their car and says to me, "same time every 2 weeks?" I was shocked and kinda just stumbled "ok" out. I even got lost on my way home and had to pull out my GPS so it took longer getting back. I finally got home around 9:30ish I wasted 4 hours of my life along with gas to help her out for $10 and she didn't even have therapy. The next day I made up a story that the car was actually my boyfriend's and that he forbid me from driving it that far. She had to cancel her therapy and I'm not sure if she blames me or not. But I don't care anymore. TL;DR - offered to babysit for coworker for free. Her therapy apt was cancelled and she waited 2 hours to tell I had to drive her 45 minuets away. Got lost on my way home, she never even said thank you and expected it every other week after that. No. Rick_the_P_is_silent: r/TIDAB Today I Dodged A Bullet. Fuuuuuck her! Doodleseatingdoodles: Give a mouse a cookie... DreadkingAlucard: Never heard that expression

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Pet_Taco: TIFU by drinking way too much caffeine before a college class OK, so, it’s the first class of the mew semester, and i wake up at 6:45am, which is considered extremely early for me, and i wake up and have myself a cup of coffee with sweet cream to get the gears shifting. fast forward to 8:30am, i stop at my campus’s dunkin donuts to have a treat. i order a brownie batter donut and a chai latte, but i didn’t really like the chai latte, it wasn’t for me. i saved some donut for later and went to the campus cafeteria. i got myself 3 hash browns and a monster (and got ripped off because it was expensive. i could have gotten the same thing at dunkin for less) and walked to my class, full of energy and wonder. however, that soon all changed. during notes, i started feeling pressure in my chest, which then turned into anxiety. then the professor played a movie (it was film appreciation class), and at first i was anxiously taking notes on every single detail of the movie, i was terrified of stopping. then i decided to set my phone down, unwind, and watch the movie. it was a horror movie. i got really terrified at some parts and my heart was racing. i couldn’t focus on the movie, i was trembling, and i felt like i was about to vomit on the table. i spent some time trying to calm down by drawing in a sketchbook, but the movie would often have (literal) dark scenes, so it would be hard to see. i even tried listening to music on my headphones to calm down. nothing worked. eventually, at 11:40am, i gave up and told the professor about the predicament i was in. he understood. i left class, forgetting my jacket, but at that point not even caring. i hung out in the bookstore listening to lofi, but it took a while to stop being anxious. on the way home, i had a caffeine crash, and every muscle in my body hurt. i didn’t eat lunch because i felt like vomiting. no more caffeine for me… EVER!! tl;dr: i drank an unholy amount of caffeine early in the morning and it backfired horribly. AcrobaticSource3: I thought this was going to involve shitting bricks during class, while seated in the first row cyclops32: Same

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[deleted]: [ Removed by Reddit ] [deleted] kalysti: If he's a good dad, he'll think you're weird, but he'll also be happy you were happy. IcyShadows_: Solid

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PressureHead7607: TIFU may have ended someone’s sobriety TIFU because I may have ended someone’s sobriety. Was out at a local bar and I was ordering shots for my group. Im friendly with the bartender (we fill each either in lightly about our lives) and they asked ( the bartender) if he was getting one. I didn’t think anything of it and offered him a shot. I didn’t know at all he was sober and told them if he wanted one to just add it to my tab. I never saw him take the shot, but I watched him pour it and put it to the side. The bartender did explain that he was going through a hard time (again I didn’t know they were sober) I just heard they were going through a hard time and offered them a drink. I’m now talking with my friend about it and they said “do not offer anything bc he’s sober”. I’m now worried I ended his sobriety. TL;DR jacantu: If this person is working in a bar and maintaining sobriety, the shot you offered them is probably the least of their concerns (temptation). They’re surrounded by vast quantities of alcohol during their entire shift. You’re fine. It would have been one thing if you sat and insisted. kanahl: I think the bartender asked if the (him) was getting a shot also. The (him) is presumably a rando sitting at the bar Edit: after re reading the post, I'm almost more confused, bartenders aren't allowed to drink on shift but it appears perhaps the bartender did pour himself a shot? This post is weird.

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LiveFromNewYork95: TIFU by convincing my wife I'm living in some sort of "13 Going on 30" body switch For the longest time I've dreamed of playing a prank on my wife where I pretend to be 12 year old me who the night before (back in 2007) made a wish to be 15 years older and woke up in my present day body. I've been practicing for months on how I would react to certain things, I kept a journal of questions or "Gotcha" situations she might try to trip me up with, I even took improv lessons to be prepared on the fly. This morning I finally put my plan into action. Woke up, rolled over, BIG SCREAM. Did the whole "who the hell are you" situation. Did the check my face in the mirror to see how old I got. She was big time skeptical, this all seems like a joke I would play but I was on top of everything. I didn't reach for my phone, didn't know my way around the house, didn't drop any names, didn't refer to anything around me as mine. It took about two hours of convincing for her to start to come around. My dramatic improv lessons payed off, she told me my grandfather has since passed away. Tears. She told me about Tom Brady leaving the Patriots. More Tears. She told me Avicii died. No tears, he wasn't famous yet (she thought she had me) We get in the car to go to the library, I drive right up on the neighbor's lawn because I have no idea how to drive and I thought our used Tesla was voice activated. She drives us to the library, she's now looking up hexes, curses, shooting stars, and penny in a well wishes. I'm looking up iPhones, The Marvel Cinematic Universe, and various pets that have gone viral. I stumble across Covid and the pandemic, I'm shocked, I'm scared. She didn't want to tell me, how can you even start to explain that without sounding crazy. She's showing 12 year old me in 27 year old me's body some real compassion, we share a moment. And this is where I fucked up. We're back at the house and she begins to have a breakdown, like a massive breakdown. What if when I go back to 2007 with the knowledge I have no that changes our timeline, what if we never meet? She can't let that happen, she can't lose me. Massive fight (in hindsight this was the moment I should have come clean) I'm walking to my dad's house, wondering up in down our street because he doesn't live at my childhood house anymore and I "Don't know where he lives now" when she pulls up to me. She's had a change of heart, I'm just a scared 12 year old kid, it's not right for her to be selfish now. She's convinced the key to breaking the curse is going back to my childhood basement where I made the wish the night before. We're in the car now where I'm typing this on her phone, she thinks I'm looking up how to disengage an Ring Alarm. It definitely feels to late to come clean so I think I have to place this out and be back to normal tomorrow. Also, we both totally no-called no-showed work today so we'll deal with that. TL;DR Convinced my wife I was 12 year old me trapped in my present day body. She believed it, had a break down, and we're on our way to break the curse Gonadznstrife: If this is real, it might be the funniest end to a relationship I've ever read. YoggyYog: (If it’s all true) Unless they get in shit for not turning up to work, it’s a pretty good prank, that the gf seems to be taking in a way that suggests they do love OP, and a breakup would be unlikely following suit. HammerAndSickled: The biggest red flag in a relationship is being with someone so dumb they believe in the supernatural. The fact that she thought there was even a possibility this was real is immediate grounds for breakup. That is, assuming there’s any possibility this story is true, which there isn’t.

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[deleted]: TIFU leaving a dv situation and making my kid homeless [removed] theskywasallviolets: I’m sorry. You’re not a bad mom. You’re a great mom for being brave enough to leave a situation even though it’s hard and scary. Am I allowed to ask where you are? Maybe I can find resources to help. [deleted]: Thank you. I feel like a terrible person right now. My daughter is putting up a good front but I know she is scared RazingAll: Where are you, state/country? We can't help you without some minimum details. [deleted]: I am in southern Nevada SoleIbis: Call 211! They can help find some type of shelter for you. DO NOT GO BACK! You are strong!!!! [deleted]: 211 gave me a list of websites and offices to go to, I plan on going to the welfare as soon as it open tomorrow but am worried they will contact my husband if I apply for assistance. With his income we never qualified for any help even though we needed it. Do I need to prove I left him? InterplanetaryBud: Let them know you are escaping an abusive relationship, in my experience they commonly deal with these situations and should not notify your abusive spouse. You could also ask them if there is any homeless assistance they may have under TANF. I live in CA and our program here has housing assistance (if you qualify), it's not permanent but it can at least help a little. Also ask to see if you qualify for your SNAP and TANF applications to be expedited/immediate need. SoleIbis: This!!

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ShadesOnBroadway: TIFU By deleting 5 years of information off a customers device. [removed] Floppal: Pretty sure this is just a rip off a [viral video](https://v.redd.it/sez4ftr1yjca1) that's being going around reddit the last day or so. ShadesOnBroadway: If by rip off you mean not real, no. This actually happened. That video was funny af though, he was definitely drunk.

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TheCockInCockpit: TIFU falling asleep while watching a movie Yesterday I (22m) was on a plane. A 2 hour flight, scheduled to land at 8pm. I had the window seat. Two other passengers were sitting next to me. A young couple. The woman was sitting in the middle. She was squeezing her boyfriend's hand the entire time. Anxiety most likely. The weather was pretty bad. I could relate to how the woman was feeling, but instead of cutting off the blood circulation in another person's hand, I tried to distract myself by watching a movie on my laptop. The movie I chose to watch was called Violation. A movie my roommate recommended to me. It was almost as long as my flight was gonna be, so I thought why not. I fell asleep while watching Violation. "It's a suuuuuuper fucked up revenge movie, you'll love it" my roommate said. I was sold. Well, my roommate didn't mention that it was also suuuuuper boring. The movie did one thing right though, it managed to put me to sleep during a turbulent flight. I woke up to someone tapping my shoulder. It was the passenger next to me. At that moment I noticed one of the flight attendants staring at me. I removed my headphones, thinking we were about to land. Nope. The flight attendant wanted to inform me that some of the passengers were uncomfortable with what I was watching on my laptop. I looked at my laptop and noticed a naked guy sitting in a chair with a blindfold and a fully exposed erection. The dude's dick was literally flexing. I had no context of what was happening in that scene, but I instantly closed my laptop and apologized. As the flight attendant walked away, I heard a female passenger behind me thank the flight attendant. When I looked at the couple next to me, I realized that the boyfriend was now sitting next to me and not his girlfriend. I obviously made the girlfriend uncomfortable as well, hence the seat swap. The two of them avoided eye contact with me at all cost, even when we landed. When it was time for my section to get up and grab our luggage, the female passenger behind me said I should be ashamed for playing dirty movies on a plane when there are children around. I locked eyes with her little boy who made it clear to me that he could spell Spongebob. I apologized to the mom and awkwardly looked away. I could feel people staring at me. Fuck that movie. **Tl:dr Fell asleep on the plane while watching a movie on my laptop. Woke up to the flight attendant telling me that other passengers were complaining about the movie I was sleeping through. Realized that the movie had sexually explicit male nudity.** MassiveHeartFailure: That doesn't sound like a big deal, you shouldn't feel too bad about it ManBearPig1869: Every time I read a post like this, I always wonder why OP didn’t just explain themselves and apologize. “I’m so sorry, my roommate recommended this movie and I had no idea it was explicit, I fell asleep so I wasn’t aware of what was going on. Apologies!” Like I’m fairly antisocial on flights and I’d be explaining myself. Pineapple_Spenstar: Because at the end of the day OP never has to see those people again so who cares? MightBeASithLord: I mean you're supposed to, you're supposed to feel some sort of remorse for upsetting people even if it was unintentional. By your logic you could just murder some random stranger and be fine with it, "oh well not my fucking problem that person is dead now, never going to see them again anyways" Pineapple_Spenstar: Are you a long jumper? Because that's quite the leap of logic lol MightBeASithLord: It's a very straightforward concept having empathy and caring about hurting other people or being so self centered that you only care about your own feelings. Are you saying you are capable of giving a shit about others but traumatizing someone's children with porn doesn't meet the standard? Does it upset you if people point out how that's what a psychopath would think? Edit: I've been informed this comment was me saying apologies bring back people from the dead by someone who then called me a "literal illiterate". Maybe somebody can help me find the part of the comment where I said that, I think my illiteracy is kicking in KarmasAHarshMistress: You were talking about apologizing. Apologizing doesn't revert the deed. MightBeASithLord: >Because at the end of the day OP never has to see those people again so who cares? Nope, this was the comment I responded to. If the only reason it would matter is if you see the people again then you can literally do nasty shit to people you won't. Empathy vs. fear of repercussions. KarmasAHarshMistress: Nope? You buffoon, the comment was about the apology. Goddamn reddit is full of literal illiterates. MightBeASithLord: I'm sorry you're so upset and having so much trouble following along champ KarmasAHarshMistress: You're literally wrong, admit it. Read the thread again. Holy fuck. MightBeASithLord: Is this the part you feel entitled to pretend means apologies bring back dead people? " you're supposed to feel some sort of remorse for upsetting people " I'm so sorry I used a big word like remorse, it must have been so confusing and upsetting for you! KarmasAHarshMistress: Just take the loss. You misread something. No shame in admitting you did wrong. MightBeASithLord: Bruhhh take the losss bruuhhhhhh. Whatever you say sport, stay in school! KarmasAHarshMistress: This is an opportunity to grow. Take the L and wear it. MightBeASithLord: You convinced me by repeating the same argument again and again and again despite it basically boiling down to "nuh-uh bruh". 17th time's the charm! KarmasAHarshMistress: One must be open to opposing arguments and appraise them intellectually, not emotionally. You can do it.

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[deleted]: TIFU by falling off a big cliff in italy [deleted] __Vulpes_lnculta: Sharks in Mediterranean sea? Squigglepig52: Well, yeah, dude. Like, 40+ species. __Vulpes_lnculta: Right, I should precise: Dangerous sharks near Italy coast? There was 26 unprovoked shark attacks near Italy coast since XVIII century, 10 of which was fatal, which gives us attack frequency one per 11.5 years, lethal one occurs one per 30 years, as reference 907 people died strucked by lightning in 2022 in India alone, so the odds of such event mentioned by op occuring is near zero Squigglepig52: none-zero results mean it's always a possibility. Having said that, I agree it's a ludicrous story. JackDeaniels: Cows are the real danger though

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[deleted]: Tifu by being horny while at a friends house [removed] postedUpOnTheBlock: We’re all strangers. You lied about busting a nut in your own mouth for a bunch of ppl you’ll never meet… Brodo12: XD

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ICe_Man0101: TIFU - I BROKE THE LAST HOPE TO GET BACK WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE I (23 male) have been in a relationship with (19 female) whom i hoped would be the love of my live. We had been together for a year now and she was the perfect girl on every point. We were working at the same job but for some reasons her family and friends couldnt know about our relationship as being together was seen as an issue in our job. Our secret relationship was going well for a long time but the fact that we had to hide everything to everyone was starting to become an issue. Add the fact that we couldnt see each other alot outside as she was still busy with her studies and our relationship was getting more and more complicated. Few days before chistmas we has a long conversation and decided it was better for us to break up for now as it became hard to handle everything. Yet we knew that by summer I would leave this job so there was a possibility that we could get back together in the future. We deleted each other on every socials and only kept our phone number in case of emergency. At work we kept acting like usual and everything was going fine until yesterday. We had a long conversation with the two only friends that knew our situation and later on that night we started texting and i explained her that in the end i was happier being with her and hide it to everyone than not being with her at all. I knew she wasnt gonna answer positively to this i was kinda prepared for it but i then made a huge mistake, i told her that even if we could be together like before we could still sleep together and have some good time. I probably said it in a wrong way it was too early to think about that and i deeply regret it now the fact is that she took it really bad told me i "broke her heart" wich made me cry , she then told me that everything was over we would become two strangers now ans that there was no point to try to solve it her decision is clear. I know that IFU yet i'm convinced that this girl is the love of my life and i have no idea on how to get her to forgive me i just hope time will solve it and we will have an opportunity to talk it through one day. TL ; DR : I broke up with the love of my life in the hope to get back together when i leave my job nut i asked her few weeks later to see her again to sleep with her , now she doesnt want to talk and to see me anymore. Chemical_Imagination: This read like a 12 year old who’s never been in a relationship. Sorry to be blunt dude, but seems like you gotta do a lot more maturing before taking on a serious relationship According_Relief_707: I agree. I’m 22 as is my fiancé, and I felt like this was needy, immature and possibly a first time liking someone. Also, word of advice, relationships shouldn’t start out a secret

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RogueMoonbow: Tifu by burning my boob at work Not sexual but adding nsfw just in case. This was definitely not safe for work though XD Not today, though I did think about posting here the day it happened. I work at a cafe that does bubble tea, and we make our own tapioca in a pot heated over a plug in induction stove on the back counter. It's there for maybe an hour and a half, as it has to heat uo, boil for 30 minutes, and then sit for 30 minutes. I was working and we were making some. Behind the pot was the grubhub tablet, and we got an order so I went to accept the order, leaning past the pot. Unfortunately for me, I was wearing a bra that... doesn't have the best coverage. After a while, especially of working, my nippes end up right on the edge. Meaning it wasn't just skin that was burned, but the edge of the areola. This turned out to be a real breaking-skin burn that's about 1 1/2 inches long. During work I coped only by putting water in a baggie and sticking it in my bra (which at one point burst, getting some water on the nipple area of my shirt...) I've had a large bandaid on it for the last few days. Not the most comfortable sensation. I've burned myself several times. This is definitely the funniest way I've burned myself. And unfortunately one of the worst. Tl;dr: burned my boob, including part of the nipple, by leaning over a pot of boiling tapioca AshleyPoppins: My nipple got bit by a horse at work once. I do not work with horses. My conclusion: Jobs are bad for boobs. Forgetful8nine: Ummm...how? AshleyPoppins: I’m a nanny. Took kid to riding lessons. Was petting horse. Different kid came in and did some type of hyena scream. Horse freaked and bit what was closest. Which happened to be my boob because he had been sniffing my shirt (smelled cat maybe?). It bruised so bad. Forgetful8nine: I'm sorry, but I am absolutely howling with laughter! AshleyPoppins: It makes me laugh now too. Not so much at the time! 😂 ItsBaconOclock: Horses are frickin biters. I don't trust them. https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/3kavxq/never_trust_horses/

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[deleted]: TIFU not knowing what to do when a dog was stuck in my dog. [deleted] JustWingIt0707: You were not the person who fucked up here. You had a knowledge gap. All you can do is try to calm the dogs down. You shouldn't try to separate them. You could hurt one or both dogs. If anyone fucked up here, it is the person responsible for your dog not being spayed. FrivolousGhost1230: she was a pure bred blue heeler and around here they are popular dogs so my dad wanted to breed her JeffrotheDude: I feel bad for the puppies if this is how your dad already treats the mom FrivolousGhost1230: we have had the same thing happen twice before and took care of the litters Broodlurker: If at first you don't succeed... FrivolousGhost1230: well i mean one was a stray we took in and the other was our dog that found a way out the yard. so not really

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Cherry___Popper: TIFU by having a PTSD attack while getting a rootcanal [removed] pmmeurnudezgrlz: The hospital put in an insulin pump for low blood sugar? Something wrong there.... Cherry___Popper: 30 is high blood sugar pmmeurnudezgrlz: 300 is, 30 is quite low. I know, I've been a diabetic for 20+ years. Anytime my blood sugar gets under 50, I am out of it. Do you live outside the U.S. where they may measure blood sugar differently? Cherry___Popper: Yeah I don't live in the US. Over here 5-7 is perfect. 10-13 is okay. 14-18 is bad. 20+ is very bad. I've had it for 11 years _the_yellow_peril_: You would probably get daily blood glucose checks in the US. Odd though, they should have noticed symptoms of severe hyperglycemia much earlier. Cherry___Popper: Edit: note that those days it was 30 I was already in the coma. If I wasn't, I would've taken immediate action _the_yellow_peril_: Ridiculous that they did nothing after seeing the numbers, even without considering your symptoms.

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yaboiabrahamlincoln: TIFU by pushing to pee faster and rupturing a blood vessel Obligatory this happened saturday. Tldr at the end. I have gone through one of the top ten worst nightmares crawling in the back of my mind. I was binge watching the final season of TWD. A proper binge so I was just rounding 26-28 hours as the sun had risen a few hours prior. I’m on the very last episode, so when I get the urge to pee and can’t resist any longer, I rushed to the bathroom. I started peeing, but to get back to the final few episodes, I start pushing to speed the stream up. Done it a thousand times before, but this time I felt a pop, and the stream changed from a frothy yellow to a deep dark red. The shock of the sight lasted just a half second before I started freaking the fuck out. My heart was beating out of my chest, but I realized that it would only make the blood come out faster, and it was already coming out so god damned fast. So a fuck up pursuant to this one - I quit my job a few months back and decided to live balls to the wall with no health insurance. So now I’m hesitating on calling 911 bc of the cost. But again this only lasts a half second because looking at my dick at this point was like I was still watching TWD. I called, and an ambulance was there within 3 minutes. In those 3 minutes I ran up and down the stairs 3 times looking for things I should take with me, and stopping intermittently to replace the soaked through toilet paper. 3 guys loaded me on the gurney and they had hella jokes once they realized I probably wasn’t going to die. Once I’m in the hospital they got me on antibiotics and asked if I wanted some painkillers; I declined because I had zero pain, at that point. Now they also asked for a urine sample to test for kidney problems/UTI. I cannot describe the pain of that first time peeing again. It was a mostly blood urine sample. The second time peeing felt like I had a hot needle in my urethra, and the first time was like an order of magnitude worse. I was damn near begging for meds then. But those two times were the only real pain and they didn’t last long. I continued to leak blood, but it has slowly stopped over the last few days. Even saw a urologist that told me several times several ways that he could “stick [his] scope up [my] penis” but all I needed to do was let it heal. So now that’s what I’m doing. And warning others of the dangers of pushing while you pee. Don’t do it, or you might bleed like me. Tl;dr - I pushed while I peed, felt an artery pop and started spraying blood from my dick like a koolaid filled “pissing boy” statue. I’m all good now though. cstmoore: How long were you holding it in? Did they tell you which vessel "popped?" Banana_Havok: It was a vessel feeding the bladder tumor. cstmoore: Bladder tumor? Way to bury the lede. Are you OK? Banana_Havok: Lol. The most common symptom of bladder cancer is hematuria. The reason for the urologist offering a camera up his bladder is to rule out the possibility of a tumor. cstmoore: He said his urologist said "all [he] needed to do was let it heal." Since there appears to be a diagnosis I assume there must have been some kind of follow-up? Banana_Havok: Yeah I saw in his comment he was diagnosed with infection so he’ll likely be fine with just antibiotics. cstmoore: He said "test for." He didn't say that he had a UTI, or anything else for that matter, just the bleeding. Banana_Havok: He mentioned it in a comment further down, not in his original post

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[deleted]: Tifu School girl woes In the uk we have school uniforms on this particular day I was wearing a skirt I had gone to the lavatory and didn’t realize I had tucked my uniform shirt into my knickers and they were peeking over my skirt. I went the rest of my day like that until a friend told me at the end of the school day when we were leaving. When we were leaving!! Oh my god im such a muppet. That’s so humiliating like omg. How come no one told me like my friend was laughing she thought it was quite hilarious that I didn’t know that. And she kind of told me in a mean way honestly but ya I can sorta of laugh about it now even though it was like an hour and a half ago and I have school tomorrow I bet people are talking about it Tl:dr I feel like a muppet cause I tucked my shirt into my knickers and it showed above my skirt and no one told me till the end of the school day. AdministrativePace14: Dare I ask: mixed or girls-only school? Andrewoholic: 90% of our schools are mixed AdministrativePace14: I know it’s substantially the case, but still seemed worth the ask given the circumstances. [deleted]: Mixed like a normal secondary school AdministrativePace14: My sympathies! Uncool no one said anything early on. [deleted]: I know 😭

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Thr0w_Away_Ak0unt: TIFU by taking my wife's needs in bed into account [removed] stillgotmonkon: You had the same vibrator hidden away for 20 years? autistic_strega: And used it on multiple partners?? Like, I get that sex toys can be expensive. But once you break up, the partner who used the toys gets custody of them and you gotta buy new ones. I don't care how many times you've cleaned it my vag is not going anywhere near a used toy.

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PrettySpinach7068: Tifu by curing my ex out [removed] McIntyre2K7: You are the asshole for making this one giant run on sentence lol. I stopped reading it after four lines. McIntyre2K7: I hope you get closure tho.

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myorkrx8: TIFU by breaking my vagina This actually happened about 7 weeks ago, so I can tell most of the outcome at this point. I was coming home from working my graveyard shift. It was the end of my work week, I was tired, and I wasn’t feeling great. (Found out later it was covid, but that’s neither her nor there as far as my vagina is concerned.) Anyway, I parked inside the garage and entered the house. I am a casino cocktail waitress, so I was still in uniform. Short skirt, 2” heels, and nylons. As I enter the house, hands full, I head to the kitchen to set my stuff on the counter. Between me and the kitchen is an entryway where we have a dog gate. It’s not a very big one, as we had a 5lb Morkie, but the entry way itself was quite wide, so the gate was a long, three paneled, wooden, hinged gate. I tended to always just walk over the gate, and this time was no different, especially since my hands were full. I lifted my leg to walk over, but as I did, my toe caught the top of the gate, and I started to fall. Shit. I realize I’m falling and as I instinctively reach out to catch myself, my work bag goes flying across the floor, along with my coffee cup, and I’m almost to the floor when I feel the most indescribable pain I have ever felt in my life. Far worse than childbirth, a c-section, an episiotomy….far worse. When I tripped and started to fall, the hinged gate also tipped, and with one leg behind the gate and one folded in midair, my body landed, full force, squarely between my legs on the top edge of the wooden gate. A second later, I crashed to the floor and let out a yell. My immediate response was to grab where it hurt, and so my hand went straight to my vagina. All I could feel was immense pain, but I instantly knew I was bleeding. I got up as quick as I could to get to the bathroom, as I heard my daughter (24)yell from upstairs asking if I was okay. As loudly as I could, I yelled, “No, bring me a wet towel, fast!” I got into the bathroom and looked down as I started unzipping my skirt. I could see blood already pouring down my legs through my nylons. I kicked my shoes off and pulled my skirt, nylons, and underwear all down at the same time. I shit you not, blood was pouring out of my vagina like water out of a hose. I immediately sat on the toilet and grabbed a wad of toilet paper and tried to stop the blood. The pain was beyond excruciating. At that moment, my boyfriend and daughter rushed up to the doorway and looked in horror at the pool of blood on the floor, my legs covered in blood, the blood running down the sides of the toilet, and my pale face. I stood and grabbed the wet towel out of my daughters hand, and as I removed the wad of toilet paper, more blood started cascading out of me and I shoved the wet towel between my legs and pressed my legs together to keep it as tightly compressed as I could. I leaned against the wall, feeling very weak as my boyfriend grabbed me and pulled me out of there and slowly got me to a chair to sit down. I don’t really remember the next couple minutes, because I apparently passed out. But I remember sitting there, tightly holding the towel to my vagina, my daughter standing in front of me with a look of horror, and my boyfriend sitting across from me looking as pale as I must have at that moment. The pain was beyond description. I sat there for a few minutes, eyes closed, tightly compressing the towel, my boyfriend and daughter wanting to call an ambulance or rush me to the ER. I asked them to just give me a couple minutes first. I finally opened my eyes and said, “Okay, which one of you wants to look at my vagina?” They both looked at me, then to each other. My daughter quickly said, “Umm…I can. I’ll look. Can I use my phone flashlight?” I nodded as I spread my legs and slowly removed the towel. My boyfriend sat and put his head in his hands as my daughter bent down and shone her flashlight at my vagina. Her eyes widened. She turned to my boyfriend and said, “Maybe you should come look since you know what it normally looks like.” He got up and came over, and til the day I die (which was obviously not that day) I will never forget the two of them bending over, phone flashlight in hand, peering down at my vagina with horror on their faces, as I’m silently praying, “Please don’t let my son (19) walk down here right now”. At this point, my daughter insisted that she was taking me to the ER. I managed to get on a pair of sweats and get into the car, towel still firmly compressed. The bleeding had slowed quite a bit by now but hadn’t stopped. My boyfriend stayed and cleaned up the murder scene in the bathroom and bloody footprints on the floor and carpet, as he texted me for updates. When we got to the ER, there was a line of patients out the door and around the corner. There was dozens of people that hadn’t even checked in and hours long wait. I wasn’t special. I told my daughter, “Forget this. Let’s go to the pharmacy and you can run in and buy me some witch hazel pads (episiotomy trick) while I call my doctor. Fast forward….my boyfriend got me to my doctor, and I had a small tear on my outer labia, and a 2” tear on the inside of my labia next to my clitoris. She said if the bleeding started up again, I would need to get stitches, but I promised to go home, stay down, and take care of it for the next few days. The first time I peed was a “fuck fuck fuck fuck” moment, as that pain was almost as bad as the original pain. I was out of work a total of 9 days before I was able to go back. I walk about 10 miles per shift, so working wasn’t an option. It took 6 days for the bleeding to completely stop. My entire pubic area was black and blue for almost 3 weeks, and although I don’t feel anymore pain today, there is still bumps down there that I assume are scar tissue but will know after my upcoming OBGYN appointment. I don’t pee the same as I used to. It comes out slower and less streamlined, but perhaps that will change over time. Sex is fine again, thankfully, but my boyfriend was hesitant when we tried the first time because he was afraid to hurt me. But I’d say, seven weeks later, it’s now just a dramatic story I can tell. Unfortunately, I feel like I can now say that I have an idea what it feels like when a guy gets hit in the balls…maybe times a hundred. I can’t even imagine if this happened to a guy. 10/10 would NOT recommend. TL;DR Tripped and landed on my vagina, resulting in a huge cut, massive blood loss, and trauma to my daughter and boyfriend. Learned to walk around, not over things. break_card: Oh jesus this reminds me of the time my cousin fell off the bunk bed and snapped his penis in half like a glowstick. RockyJayyy: Wtf. So your cousin had a boner on top the bunk bed? d3ch01: It's the elevation Menown: Good air up there. fuckswithyourhead: Markiplier fan? 😂 Menown: The bunk bed story is so damn hilarious. Same for Bob's fridge. fuckswithyourhead: I know, right? "I'm pretty sure this isn't how you install a fridge!"