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LL_Jager: TIFU by showing my true colours to my GF [removed] Dc2ViP408: Number 1 rule what? Who made that shit up. It's okay to cry bro. eggrollin2200: And in case you didn’t read that right: **IT’S OKAY TO CRY BRO.** Anybody who makes you feel bad for having emotions shouldn’t call themselves your friend, let alone your partner. Let her care about you dude. You’re a person with feelings and you deserve love. cstuart1046: In case you didn’t see… #ITS OK TO CRY BRO eggrollin2200: YEAH

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flaming_poop_chute: TIFU by texting an employee This actually happened today about 3 hours ago. I am a supervisor of a maintenance crew in a factory setting. One of my subordinates, "Lew", has worked with the company for over 30 years, but his performance and general lack of troubleshooting ability has really gotten bad the last few years. My lead, who normally oversees Lew, is on vacation leaving me to babysit. I have my hands full with other projects and problems that are typically out of the regular maintenance crew's league. Well, today had a few maintenance issues pop up, and Lew did not hesitate to flag me down at every opportunity to bail him out. He even went so far as to text me about a problem that he couldn't figure out while I was at home on my lunch break. After getting back from lunch, I fixed his problem that he was unable to. Something super easy that he or any maintenance guy should've been able to handle. Not more than a few minutes later, he's calling me on the work radio to help him with another problem that he hadn't even really put any effort into fixing. So, I make my way down and wave my magic wand and do his job for him yet again. This is where the fuck-up happens. On my way back to my desk to attempt to continue a project I was working on, he calls me again on the radio. I'm so pissed that I grab my phone and text my manager, who's well aware of Lew's shortcomings, and I type this message: "Lew is a fucking idiot. Useless" I finish out the rest of my day, and finally go home. I go to text my manager some humorous pic that I found here on Reddit, and I realize that he's not the person that I sent the message about Lew to. In my flustered haste, I sent it to the last person that had texted me. OH NO...I SENT IT TO LEW!!! I told my manager what had happened and he laughed at me, but I really do feel bad about it. I haven't heard anything from Lew, even after I sent him a sincere apology. Tomorrow should be interesting. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't even show up. TLDR: I accidentally sent a text to an employee that called them a fucking idiot. Dan300up: Wow dude. Ouch. If you have your eyes / hopes on moving up the food chain to a management-level job etc, how you handle this (or handling it at all) could be very important. In my opinion your only option is to actually have a one-on-one with Lew. You can’t hide your frustration so you ought as well face it which him in some productive manner in a way that might help him out—or at the very least, let him know why you were so frustrated. flaming_poop_chute: The guy is 66 years old. The fact is that he's well past his prime, and the sad reality is that he can't afford to retire. Add that to the company's inability to hire anybody to replace these fossils, I'm sort of stuck with him and a few others like him. The saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" has never proven to be more true with this group. I do genuinely like the guy personally, and I did apologize via text. I will definitely try to make light of it tomorrow. As it turns out, I also seem to be a fucking idiot! Dan300up: Well like you said, you’re stuck with him so your only real option is trying to make the most of, and get the best out of staff…and not “managing” the situation & staff is just that—*not managing*. Just sayin :) Dropping this turd and walking away to let it dry on its own won’t help you much. flaming_poop_chute: Oh, I get it. Back when he was my lead many years ago, he'd scream worse things at me to my face. He fell, and I rose. Now... I'm going to have to apologize for him not pulling his weight. But 2 hands are better than no hands I guess.

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Human_Situation5358: TIFU by accidentally hitting on a director of our company TLDR at the bottom So I (m20s) work in IT and I had a client (m40s ish?) needing some software installed in his computer. He's "important" as he's a director in something, and these kind of software installs are normally designated to another coworker of mine, but he was remote today and struggling with a particular method to install a specific software. I won't go into detail, but anyways, director guy needs it done ASAP, so I volunteer. I want to mention, that while I've worked in IT and office environments, this is the first time I work in a very dynamic research company and there's a lot of smart important people and I sometimes get intimidated lol I'm a typical IT guy you'd expect. I'm used to low level admins and the occasional director, not a dozen different directors and hundreds of scientists in areas I've never even heard of (STEM). So anyways being the good IT tech that I am, went and successfully installed and configured his software after about an hour or so, with only about 30 min left until the end of the business day. Once done, we ended up going down the same hall, me to the stairs to go home and him to apparently the bathroom. He offhandedly said he wasn't stalking me, just going to the bathroom, when I jokingly said "no worries, I wouldn't mind if you stalked me" but very clearly in a not-sexual way. I just say random nice shit to important smart people to sound somewhat competent and valuable lol.   Thing is, I didn't notice that I said that until now, almost 4 hours later. I'm not gay. I want to die lol.   TLDR: An important science director (m40s) offhandedly said he wasn't stalking me (m20s) when we were walking down the same hallway after finishing the IT stuff, so I said "I wouldn't mind if you stalk me". I walked away and didn't notice I said this til now 4 hours later. I'm not gay. :/ TheMadShatterP00P: Hahaha! Dude's prolly still in there tapping his foot with a $20 waiting for ya 🤣🤣🤣 Robs1987: LOL bruuhhhhh

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devynbf: TIFU the most genuine friendship I ever had This started as an answer to an [r/AskReddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/) that asked, "What is something you did that you deeply regret doing?" After 30 minutes of typing I decided to post it here in [r/TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/TIFU/). Granted this was years ago so I guess it's a YIFU, I hope it still sees you well. I've never really talked about this, it's been in the back of my mind for almost 20 years now. When I was in grades 4-7, I had a best friend. He was awesome, great kid and we had all the same interests. Our interests were mostly Pokemon and Yugioh but everything we enjoyed was identical. This friendship was potential for one of those lifelong movie friendships. Well I fucked it all up so fast, even now at 30 I still think about it almost daily. I feel I haven't had a friendship like his since those days and it almost feels like I subconsciously stopped myself from getting close to people as I grew older because of what happened. Best kid I ever knew, he was so kind and only wanted what was best for me. For siblings he only had a baby sister, as I had a very different household where I grew up with 4 other siblings besides myself. I grew up low income, my parents did their best to give my siblings and I the things we wanted but most Christmases we didn't get what we wanted. I'll never forget one Christmas my best friend got a new Gameboy SP with some Pokemon games, that same year I got a Scooter. At that point he had multiple copies of Pokemon Sapphire and his old Gameboy Advance laying around, he ended up gifting me his old GBA with Pokemon Sapphire one weekend while I was staying at his house. I was so floored at his kindness, which makes what I did so much worse.. Before I go on, I wanted to share another core memory I have with him. It was a Friday afternoon in 5th grade, I was going to his house for the weekend. He's sitting across from me in a different island of desks with other students, he whispers "*hey psst*". I look over, he pulls a sealed copy of Pokemon Colosseum halfway out of his backpack with the most devious look on his face. We barely slept that weekend and finished the entire game. I have many memories with him but I digress. So anyway the point of this story, the regret. It was the summer of 7th grade moving into 8th grade IIRC, I had spent a lot of the Summer at his house and we got really into Yugioh trading cards. If you know anything about Yugioh, this was around the time the "Official" Egyptian God Cards were becoming popular around the first YuGiOh movie release. Each of the 3 were $40 each, he ended up getting an Obelisk The Tormentor card. I don't remember being jealous or envious or feeling malicious in any way, but **I ended up stealing that card from him**. It was just on a whim, I was being picked up and it was just there. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but in my idiocy, I did. It's always been the biggest regret of my life. The day I took it, he called me late in the afternoon after I was home. I will never forget the phone call, I felt so stupid, so guilty and so horrible. He asked me if I had seen it, I told him no. **I should've been truthful, I probably could've salvaged it at that point,** if I wasn't so hard-headed. He told me his parents and him have been looking for it since I left, I told him I can come back over to help look for it (planning to plant it back somewhere to fix what I had stupidly done). It was then I could hear his parents in the background pretty much saying, "it was him, you need to cut ties and we'll just get you a new one." Understandably, his parents were teaching him a lesson in keeping good company, having kids of my own now I completely agree with them. I could hear in his voice he was tired of it. So he said, "Look I wanted to believe you but you are a thief. Goodbye, and *good riddance*." That was the last time I spoke to him, and Getty if for some godly reason you are reading this, **i'm so unbelievably sorry, I haven't stopped thinking about how absolutely stupid and careless I was. I'm sorry I ruined our friendship.** I remember wanting to give it back so bad but my little brother had ended up spilling a drink on the stolen card and it was completely destroyed. I tried reaching out to him through social media years later but it seemed the one account he had he didn't use. I sent him a message apologizing, offering to pay him back anything he wanted, but ultimately just wanted to reconnect with him. I feel I threw away the most genuine friendship I ever had in my lifetime. I didn't steal from anybody ever again after that, but the damage was already done. TLDR; I stole a rare Yugioh card from my best friend and lied about it, lost the *best* best friend I ever had. Edit: English is easy Squadala1337: Well, I guess you could reach out to him if you wanted. However, it’s been years so don’t except the friendship to reignite. Even if you hadn’t done this theft, people grow separate ways. Either way, I would be glad if an old friend reached out to me, even one who wronged me On a side note, I think his parents were a little too harsh if this was the only incident. If you guys were such good friends, I would had called your parents and told them about it and try to arrange so that you apologized. I had a similar experience where a class mate of mine hit me. Our parents arranged a meeting where he would apologize and I, if I wanted, could forgive him and we shook hands on it. Afterwards we became good friends. This was also in 8th grade. A fond memory and lesson. Anyways. That you regret it is proof that you’ve become a better person. Be proud about that, and teach you children this lesson. devynbf: Thank you for the awesome advice. I would reach out to him but he doesn’t have social media, over the past few years I’ve looked for him but cannot find him, as he also has a pretty common name. I agree his parents could’ve been a little less harsh, I hadn’t really done anything else to negatively impact our friendship but I’m sure his parents were pretty distraught seeing their kid in that panic and disappointment state. On top of that I lied about it. Me being management in my current job, I understand telling the truth and moral ethics is very important and is the difference between losing your job and getting a slap on the wrist. I’ve accumulated that 1. I shouldn’t have stole it and 2. I at least should have been straight forward enough to fix it. It’s been an extremely valuable life lesson that I tell to my kids, I love that they can learn from my stupidity. Squadala1337: Yes, but you are an adult. No one has patience for a lying thieving adult person. A kid however, there’s a lot of room for character growth. Anyway, you could ask your parents. They probably know who they are and at least had their phone numbers. At least my parents had contact with my friends parents.

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throwaway224108: TIFU by wanting to be honest to a "friend" on NYE this is definitely a bit of a (really) long story, so please bear with me the TIFU isnt till near the end, but i like to give some "about me" as well as tell the whole story so you can understand how i f-ed up SOME ABOUT ME: mid-late 20’s M, been single my entire life: never dated a girl, bully & teased throughout school, absolute zero experience with shattered confidence… From this ive had days on & off throughout the year where the feeling of being lonely for this long hits me hard and i fall into a depressive mood for the following day(s). - - - STORY BACKGROUND: About the middle of december i was having more than one of those days again and im browsing some of the sadder subs on reddit (specifically foreveralone, sad, & lonely) as i might as well feel more miserable.. Somehow I found myself in one of the “meet people” subreddits of those looking to date online/irl. Out of curiosity i messaged a few in hopes of finding a connection, & later that night i actually get a reply back from one i was somewhat crossing my fingers on as we had very similar interests. We chat for about 2 good hours before exchanging pictures; while it was much later in the night, her responses felt extremely delayed from that point on from how we were talking just beforehand. I shrug it off as she’s probably tired as so was i, and call it for the day. But from the moment we exchanged pics i honestly felt she lost interest… A few days go by with little to no response on her end, and a thought comes to mind: “what if she was waiting for me to make a move ” ?? I felt that our conversation that night went well, and we actually happened to to be not super far away.. So i send her a private message asking if she’d like to meet IRL; i also put in a little tidbit that if she’s just not interested in me to just let me know as the situation is considered online-dating. She replies back and is honest about how my replies are a bit much, BUT she is still willing to still chat and asks if i have discord or instagram. We swap discord handles, and out of curiosity i searched her handle to see if her IG is the same, and sure enough her IG pops up. While I do not personally use/like instagram myself, i keep her IG bookmarked as she would post about her day & tell stories, thinking itd be nice to check every once in a while to see how her day has been. Moving to discord we chat here & there for about a week & half, but I still feel like im getting the cold shoulder with her replies as they are relatively short or 1-word. I try not to think about it too much, but I starts to slowly take a toll on me as i feel she’s uninterested and doing so on purpose so i loose interest… SITUATION: Its new years eve, i woke up early in the morning and decide to open up my laptop; I check my email, browse youtube/reddit for a bit, and then decide to visit her IG. I find it completely empty, i wonder wtf happened as every post was deleted, [except a new one](https://i.ibb.co/k2KyJGD/Screen-Shot-2023-01-01-at-5-51-40-AM.png)… I open it and its a story about starting a new year, loosing friends/making new ones etc, but one part stands out the most: her welcoming her new bf into her life… This fucking tears me up inside more than id like to admit as i felt she broke the little bit of trust i had when i personally said if she’s not interested/already seeing somebody else to just let me know… I try to bottle it up for the day, but it takes a much heavier toll than i could’ve imagined.. I actually had to lock myself in the bathroom multiple times at work to try & calm down due to how distressed i was. Later in the night I send her a message over discord asking when she has the time I would like to talk voice-to-voice about something personal; what i did not expect next was for her to instantly know what i had to say, specifically over text, otherwise she would block me… I had a text-based message that i made throughout the previous week that talked in regards to how ive been feeling in hopes she would understand my point of view.. With no other choice i sent her the message… It was taken in every wrong way i could’ve possibly [imagined](https://i.ibb.co/pfgpGMj/Screen-Shot-2023-01-02-at-4-52-28-PM.png). . . Not only was the timing was more than awful, but what i wanted to say in person (voice) became a situation where i practically shot myself in both my feet ruining what i thought was our “friendship” entirely… Close friends/family ive shared this story with all say that she is not worth the effort anymore as she did not value me as a friend from the beginning.. but i still feel shitty for sending that message on NYE asking to talk, and i feel more shitty for possibly ruining her night with what i wanted to say… - - - TLDR: met girl online, felt i was getting the cold shoulder, wanted to be open & honest of how i was feeling, she took it ever wrong way possible, & i “ruined” her NYE Volcan_R: You didn't ruin anything. Just move on. No reason to put anyone on a pedestal. Don't obsess over someone you just met online and spoke to for one night. Just find social events and be kind and honest to people and don't develop obsessions over anyone in that setting either. If someone wants to get to know you better they will let you know. Don't sweat it even if things go part way and they change their mind. throwaway224108: i wouldnt say i "put (them) on a pedestal", and we definetley didnt just talk for one single night.. i just vaued them as a friend whenever i feel like i make that sort of connection with someone i will put effort into maintaining it but this has definetely been a learning experince for me, and a extremely rough one at that... i appreciate the advice

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JJJJPPPPP8A: TIFU by jokingly telling my friend he was born on a laboratory It’s a pretty short story. This wasn’t really today, but more like for the lapse of some years. Growing up, me and my friends had some strange nicknames, I was the stoner because I have a condition where I always have red eyes, my other friend was the fat one, and this other friend we’ll call S was the one born in a lab because he was all skinny and overall looked strange. We’re all are 15 and 16 now but at the time of this nicknames we were between 8-14. We called us like that while in school, while playing games and everything, and we started used them all the time. Turns out S was actually created and in a lab. Turn out his mom had fertility issues, so they had to artificially impregnate her I think that’s why he stayed silent every time we told him that, we’ve continue to call ourselves this nicknames, but now instead of calling S a lab project we now call him goblin. TL;DR i jokingly told my friend he was born on a laboratory till I found out he actually was Edit: I accidentally put that he was born in a lab, he wasn’t blearghstopthispls: Oh but I really like goblin! ThatsMrShorTassToYou: Title of your sex tape. blearghstopthispls: Pretty bike BTW.

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Bloodiest-Taint: TIFU by accidentally answering a phone call from a girl I’m newly talking to and talking about a weird anime porn I saw to a friend. She was listening the whole time. TL;DR: New girl I’m talking to called me as I was trying to pause my music to tell my buddy about anime porn with two chicks with dicks fucking each other’s dicks. I answered the phone without knowing and began to describe the porn to my friend. Now she probably thinks I’m a freak. So, I'm currently talking to a new girl who is pretty freaking awesome. It's only been a few weeks. She likes to call me while I'm at work because I can listen to stuff on my headphones and I can talk while I work. Well, last week, I'm listening to music at work, and I wanted to go up to my buddy who is also my coworker and tell him about this weird anime porn I saw the other day. We have a raunchy relationship so I tell him about all the nasty, scummy stuff I see every day. Anyhow, I thought I was pausing my music from my AirPods to talk to him. At that exact moment when I try to pause my music, the girl l'm talking to was calling, and instead of pausing the music, I unknowingly answered the phone call. I then proceed to tell my friend "Bro, I saw the weirdest anime porn the other day... This chick with a massive dick was being fucked by another chick with a smaller dick. I'm talking dick in dickhole creampies" and other details. After I'm done speaking, I hear in my air pods "Now that's quite the hello." I immediately knew what happened and I turned bright red and started laughing uncontrollably. I told her I'm so sorry and I would call her back. When I called her back, she told me she heard everything and told me it was weird but she didn't care. I think she was being nice since she’s one of those girls who doesnt have a mean bone in her body. Either way, this girl I've been talking to for a few weeks now thinks I'm into freaky porn. In all reality, it was just something my friend sent me that he thought was weird. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. Next time I see her is going to be awkward. meneerkaas: Well, if she still want to go out with you, she might be the one you know. You let her hear a weird side of you and if she is still interested, you are a lucky man and she might even be more awesome than you thought already Bloodiest-Taint: That’s what I’m hoping for blahbleh112233: Maybe she's a dickgirl

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Ok-Kaleidoscope-4543: TIFU by not cleaning my closet Yesterday, my (20F) closet was raided by my mom without my knowledge. In context, my mom is sort of a clean freak and she likes to clean whatever mess she sees. She saw my closet then decided to clean it. While cleaning, she stumbled upon my plethora of sex toys, with the most notable being a 9 inch dildo and an anal plug. However, I did not notice this until I went to look for it. Once I discovered that my sex toys were found and taken by mother, I tried my best to avoid being alone with her, at least until she leaves on Friday. But thus, luck wasn't on my side. Earlier, while I was inncocently chilling in the bedroom, she ambushed me and said we needed to talk. The conversation, as you might have guessed went awkward as fuck with her telling me that she threw out my sex toys and sermoning me that using sex toys will cause illnesses and destroy my body. It ended with her making me promise to the scuplture of Jesus Christ on the wall that I won't ever use sex toys again. TL;DR: Mom fixed my closet, discovered my sex toys, made me promise to Jesus not to use it again. Damneasy: Religion at this level is a mental illness BadDub: How is Religion a mental illness? The_Muznick: Do you want to start with the cult like behavior of "parrot what we say or you're not a true (insert religion here)" or do you want to start with the child abuse that's often covered up by churches? Maybe we could touch on the archaic unmoving beliefs? Oh how about mega churches? I love talking mad shit about those scams! GothicGolem29: And not every religon is like that The_Muznick: The one involved in this post is neck deep in every single thing I mentioned. Some are worse. But you're right, the satanic temple isn't like that. GothicGolem29: One nut doesn’t make a whole religon bad I doubt many Christian’s woudl force someone to pray to a statue. And even if this one was it’s one religon. Neither is Buddhism The_Muznick: One nut? Yes, but what about the millions of fanatic evangelical lunatics? GothicGolem29: Considering there is over a billion catholics alone millions is a very small part of the religon The_Muznick: Over a billion, and enough priests that diddle little boys that it's a worldwide joke. But it's on a small amount so it's not bad right? This is the cult like behavior at work here. "I must defend this thing that defines me and ignore the literal millions of us running around calling for the death anyone not like us". Youre not winning me over on this. The amount of bigotry I've seen pour from Christians mouths on a regular basis. Your wasting your time with me. I've also grown bored of this conversation. Religion has done more damage to my life than good. Religion led to be becoming a rape victim so it can fuck right off forever. I will always give a side eye to heavily religious people so leave me alone and go convert elsewhere. GothicGolem29: Priests don’t make up the majority of the religon. It really isn’t u can defend a religon despite the few idiots that do bad stuff just look at atheism is it fair to say that is bad because of some idiots in charge of countries? I never consider debates a waste. Firstly sorry that happened to you. Secondly I’m not trying to convert I’m not Christian I consider myself similar if not Buddhist but I’m not trying to convince you about reincarnation all I was doing was trying to say not all religions are bad and in those religions a lot of people can be good but if you are bored of this discussion have a good day The_Muznick: My stance is trusting in religion allowed someone to rape me. And continue to do so for almost 10 years. I've see religion start wars. Lead to genocide. Lead to hatred ignorance bigotry. I've had no good experiences with religion. The last experience was a co worker who was a bit odd, so I decided instead of bullying him like everyone else I was nice to him. Introduced him to some friends I play games with online. 2 days ago I got a pm from one of my friends telling me "hey this guy is making a lot of us uncomfortable and we don't want to cause issues with you but we are about to remove him from the discord server." Turns out this devout Christian was treating my friend group as a sort of dating service while loudly proclaiming that he is a straight male IRL simply because a few of my friends are Trans. We all blocked him after telling him his behavior was unacceptable. I'm glad your experience with religion isn't shit but every single encounter I've had with religion or religious people has been complete dogshit. 38 years of shit. I think I got a good enough sample size to say fuck religion. GothicGolem29: Can I ask why that guy doing that was wrong? The co worker who treated it as a dating service did he keep persisting after they said no? Also sorry all your Experiences with religon have been like that The_Muznick: Hitting on my friends. Constantly referring to himself as a "straight male irl" whenever any of my Trans friends were online. We often played Final Fantasy 14, I brought him into my free company (guild) again in an attempt to show him kindness he doesn't often get. I now know why he doesn't get that kindness from others. He wouldn't respect the requests from people to stop bringing up his orientation. He would pester people to hang out with him in voice chat, that's when the really creepy shit kicked off so people would stop going into our discord's voice chat. Even if he wasn't in there he was watching, if someone joined, without fail he would pop in, talk about his religion with cult like fervor, if it was a female he would hit on them, even the married one who is happily married with kids, he didn't care. He was so adamant about "proving how he is a straight male" that he hit on anyone who had a vagina and boobs. Hes basically what someone would describe as incel prime. I'm convinced he's gay but in denial. Doesn't matter either way, his behavior was disturbing to say the least. My girlfriend never met him only saw the shit he said and agreed he needs serious help. Its a constant thing for me. If I meet a religious person they seem to display the worst parts of humanity without fail. So I think 38 years of this crap is a large enough sample size for me to say no thanks never again. GothicGolem29: ,ah ok thanks yeah that’s messed up of them. So you’ve never met a nice religious person ever?

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RayanNarutoAli: TIFU by losing documents that are worth billions [removed] smokebringer: Cool your head off. Try to put yourself together first. How vital are those documents ? No chances someone has a copy ? Where was it printed ? No saves ? Maybe dumb questions... If indeed you lose your job, can't you "just" be hired somewhere else ? RayanNarutoAli: Already checked. No copies. They were original documents and weren't allowed to get a copy of those. No printed or anything stuff like that. No saves. No. Can't be hired anywhere else. Teh_Mongoose: Always more jobs mate. A friend burned down my workplace once, ending the business entirely. Stupid sommistake, could have happened to anyone. Incidentally, have you made an exhaustive list of where you have been since you were last 100% sure the documents were on your possession? Are you 100% ready to trust your families searching skills without going there and double-checking yourself? RayanNarutoAli: Yes I've been jogging my memory like crazy, I've looked everywhere, I've talked to my family members. They knew how important the documents were to me. I double/ triple checked everywhere myself. And this job, it's not a job. It's something more. It's important. Really really important. RayanNarutoAli: Also, it costed more then like 3 million to make them. See i fucked up man. I fucked upppp smokebringer: Well maybe your boss have an insurance for that kind of problems. Maybe you should ask for the help of a lawyer RayanNarutoAli: Nope. That's a big no no. I haven't told anyone. We don't have any insurance.

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Futti4: TIFU by calling my classmate a mud head [removed] Nemair: I've read the other side of this story (written by the "stabber") on tifu. I didn't believe the story then (alongside many of the other commenters). This side don't make me think any different. I expect alternate account shenanigans Evolinox: Just look at their Usernames... this one is from u/Futti4 and the other one, the "stabber", was u/futt1... Big brain couldnt even use a not so similar username :D

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SaltyDrink: TIFU by showing my friend their doppelganger. I was on the tube on the way to see some friends in North London. Whilst looking around on the tube to pass the time, I noticed someone a few seats down that looked remarkably similar to an old friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to or seen for a while, although this person was a lot rougher round the edges and about 20kg heavier than my friend is. As the resemblance was uncanny, I decided to sneak a quick photo of the person to send to my friend. When I got out of the tube and regained service on my phone, I sent them a message with the photo with the caption "this guy looks just like you if you packed on some pounds'. The message was opened almost immediately... No reply for a few minutes... "That is me OP..." I haven't been able to respond yet, I'm too embarrassed. I feel truly awful about it though. Serves me right for being a bit of a twat. ​ TL;DR took a photo of someone on the train I thought looked like a fat version of a friend I hadn't seen in a while, sent it to my friend and it turned out to be them. akai_tsubaki: Here I wrote message for you: " I AM SORRY, will you forgive me for being moron. Love OP" [deleted]: The friend is going to be like "Who the fuck is OP?" konwik: Obesity Photographer istasber: Obtuse Prick sea-teabag: Original Pangster kalirion: Overpowered Isekai Protagonist

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[deleted]: TIFU by being annoyed at my best friend and not realising what I actually did. [deleted] serpentMotivator: Honestly boss you and your friend need to grow up if he's crying Abt Minecraft. You're 16 your life is getting to the point where things really start to change you can't be acting like 8 year olds over a video game that's been out since before you were in elementary school. If y'all's are crying about Minecraft I can only imagine how the next couple years are gonna go. idkwhattoputhere1009: He's not crying about Minecraft he's crying about what I said to him and How ***I*** acted after he did what he did. Which makes it so much worse for me serpentMotivator: And why are *you* getting so pressed over Minecraft, so much so you feel the need to get pissy at your friend. It's wholly immature. Y'know how many times my friends and I have played a game and shit went sideways because of someone's decision? We don't go yelling at each other and then walk away crying about it, we regroup, say, "my bad," if it's your mistake, get our shit together and try again. You wanna play a game that'll make you make your friends cry and piss their pants? Try GTFO, Tarkov, Hunt Showdown, Project Zomboid. And before you say anything about age, I'm 17. Y'all's are acting like babies. And honestly man how are you building your farm so jank that half your villagers are dying in a raid? If you've got em all set up in coops just build a big wall, castle style. Castles were made that way for a reason. idkwhattoputhere1009: Look thank you dude. I realised that I should not of reacted the way I did and I way over reacted and I deeply regret it, especially what I said. It was definitely my fault entirely and I'll probably send him a message tomorrow or talk to him irl idk which is better though. After all it is just a game though. If I could go back and change it, I definitely would. But again thanks man, atleast this'll be a lesson for me cause I really hate myself for what I did at the moment. I wouldn't blame him though for crying, it was more of me acting like a baby.

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missionaurora: TIFU, Just met an old friend and guessed his wife was pregnant. TIFURH Today I Fucked up REALLY HARD! I just randomly met a friend that I haven't seen in years, He was with his wife at the mall and I heard from some friends months before that they were expecting. He's a good old friend from teenager times and as an adult he got a little fat, so my wise mind just told him out loud as the first thing I said... Woooow "Friend" How long! And good to see that you really is a good companion to "Angela" and are just pregnant as she is and proceed to pat his and her belly o.O She gave me a serious and deadly look right through my eyes, I could sense her anger I almost felt fear, and before she turned her back to me and keep walking she said. I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat, really thanks to remind me. What the fuck was I thinking? Her eyes will haunt me in my dreams. ********* Wow what a lot of comments, and I know that it was really rude, but to clarify some things. I know that seens that i'm a huuuge douch but I would NEVER said anything like that if I hadn’t heard she was pregnant. I knew them both, they started dating when we were teenargers. we are brazilians, so we are really more tactile in our culture, with kisses on cheeks, long hugs and so on. And yes my intention was to just congratulations them about the baby that know I know that already is 5 months old. Was a huuuuuuuuuge mistake the way I did that, I really know that, I wish i could just put my head inside the ground like an ostrich. Lesson learned pals. Lesson Learned. The woman can be screaming with her belly moving like there's an alien inside and I won't say a word and won't presume that's a baby in there. ​ ​ TL;DR Just met an old friend at the mall, he was with his wife and he had gained some weight since we last met. I knew they were expecting but didn't knew that the baby was already 6 months old and proceed to ask them if they were expecting together. Opposite_Bodybuilder: Even if she was pregnant, you don't touch people without permission. Topinambourg: Not everything is the same in every culture. Opposite_Bodybuilder: No matter the culture, everyone has the right to bodily autonomy. Leovaderx: In this case (wife didnt know him) yes. But people in some countries are touchy. Opposite_Bodybuilder: Touching another person still requires their consent, culture doesn't override that. Leovaderx: Yes, but in some cases, consent is not asked for but taken for granted. Like we do when touching/kissing: ones husband or wife, child, close friend, lover, prostitute you paid for. Ofcourse it depends on many variables, and it can be taken away, after the action or in advance. Opposite_Bodybuilder: Consent doesn't always have to be verbal, but it still has to be there. Leovaderx: I never said otherwise. Opposite_Bodybuilder: Except you did when you said: >Not everything is the same in every culture. The "not" suggesting otherwise. Leovaderx: That "not" was in opposition to "do not touch people without permission". I was not denying consent, just that there are situations where one might think they have it, but they dont. Opposite_Bodybuilder: That's not what you said though, is it? Leovaderx: I implied that bodily autonomy can be breached in some cases, without the person doing it having such an intention, as they expect to have consent in situations where they may not. This was in repply to both your initial statement and the one i repplied to. Feel free to provide me with your interpretation of it. Opposite_Bodybuilder: This is where communication is important. What you originally said did not imply anything of what you are saying now. Use your words. Leovaderx: I am of the opinion that you are interpreting my words wrong. And thats the thing when you imply or interpret something, its subjective. Dont read into generic statements too much without asking for details. Opposite_Bodybuilder: Lol, ok.

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mirabellesrevenge: TIFU by pranking a roommate about ejaculating on my hand [removed] Hoptsnmetal: Where's the fup? mirabellesrevenge: Everything, the prank Hoptsnmetal: Dosent seem like a fuck up to me. You planned it out, acted on it, got the reaction you wanted and everyone laughed about it later on. It may have been a fucked up joke, but it wasn't a fuck up

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Gingyfiz: TIFU By locking myself out of the house This isn't a super eventfull story. But i hope it still bring someone a little entertainment. Technically this happened yesterday but i didn't have the time to write it then. Yesterday i had a very busy day. I had a doctors appointment, I visited some employment agencies and i did some small shopping for craft supplies. Because i had so much on my mind. Appearantly when i got home i took my keys out of my bag and put them on the table. My pet hamster died last monday. I wanted to collect some sticks to decorate her grave with when i finally get to burying her. There's a willow tree nearby so i thought i'd go outside for a second and grab some sticks then go back home. I grabbed my jacket! I grabbed my bag which i thought my keys were still in! And headed outside! I went to the willow tree. Grabbed some thicker branches and walked back. Then, when i tried to get my key, i couldn't find it. I searched my pockets too but it dawned on me i left them inside. My mom was still at work for 3 more hours and nobody else had a spare key. My parents are divorced and i was hoping my dad had a spare one but he didn't. After a few minutes my neighbor's came home. They saw me sitting on the curb and asked my why i was sitting there. After explaining the situation they kindly invited me inside and gave me some tea, cookies and nachos. I entertained the kids for some time and had a nice chat with the mom. Before i knew it my mom came home and i was able to grab my keys before heading out again to do groceries! Like i said, it wasn't very eventfull but i can't help but laugh about it now. I hope i could make some of ya'll laugh as well. Tldr: Left my keys in the house thinking they were in my bag. Neighbor rescued me by letting me stay with them until my mom got home. Ornery-Arachnid673: I bought and installed a keyless lock on my main entry door (easy to do) some years back, thumbs WAY up! LadyBug_0570: The ones with the keypads? My sister has one. Honestly thinking of getting one of those for my unit. Usof1985: I would check out the lock picking lawyer on YouTube. He didn't do reviews or recommendations but he definitely shows some that you should avoid. It might take a little searching to find the videos though. AbjectPuddle: Someone breaking into your house isn’t going to YouTube LPL looking for your specific lock Usof1985: No but he shows serious vulnerabilities and exploits like popping off the cover exposing the guts from the outside kinda stuff.

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Superb-Hotel7179: TIFU looked through my girfriends texts while drunk I met my girlfriend through tinder, im 25 and shes 20, we had been together for a couple of months, I'm Chinese, and my girlfriend is American, she was in china for college, and we never had any fights during the relationship, the only thing that bothers me a little is that she's more sexually adventurous, and I found out she had hooked up with a couple of Chinese guys that don't speak any English without protection and said they were paying for everything and she initiated the sex, I was very uncomfortable about this at first, but shes being very honest about it so I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't be insecure about her past and there are big cultural differences regarding casual sex between us where Chinese women who do a lot of hookups are being looked down at. She had already broken up with me months ago bc she was going abroad to study for the next semester, and she said she doesn't want to do long distance, but said she wishes to keep the relationship until I drop her off at the airport and remain friends after she's gone. I was sad at first and we both cried about it, but accept that this is the best way to deal with it. But the other day we were both drunk at the hotel and we both got drunk. she was in the shower and her phone wasn't locked and I know it was so wrong at this I wasn't at the best of myself but I saw her texts with her best friend in the US, mentioning breaking up with me, saying that "I can't wait for this to be over so I can fuck non-Asians" I couldn't believe my eyes, and I couldn't help going through more of it, she made fun of me being emotional about the breakup saying that I'm a pussy. I was so shocked and questioned everything about the relationship. She sounded like a total different person in those texts, bc she was so nice to me. encouraging me to get over my social anxiety and insecurities and meet her American friends, sending me meds when I got sick from covid and even got me gifts for Christmas. I don't know what to do. I love her so much, and invest so much in the relationship both emotionally and financially. I can't bring this up bc I was wrong at first, she will get mad at me. Im afraid we wont even get to be friends. sorry English is not my first language if it's hard to read. TL;DR I went through my gf's texts with her bff and found out she doesn't care about the relationship. Bigdaddylovesfatties: Forget her dude. It sucks but move on. Relationships can never work with only 1 person involved. She was never committed to you and in fact doesn't respect you Edit: she's manipulating you and other dudes for money also. MARINE-BOY: For what it’s worth I’ve spent a lot of time around women with a large female friendship base and one thing that surprised me most is how much women lie to each other in order for appearances purposes. I can only liken it to how guys talk shit to each other all the time and wouldn’t come out and say to each other I’m so upset about my breakup we both cried and held each other as they would have to surrender their man card. It’s common knowledge guys joke and have a more macho persona to each other but it’s less well known a lot of younger women can be equally nonchalant and display a false bravado. It’s like how women who are best friends will call each other bitches and hoes but wouldnt usually tolerate it if guys called them those terms. Don’t get me wrong there is a good chance she does feel some of the things she said to her friend but she’s 20 and out to prove to the world she’s a strong confident woman and many women now will openly boast about what boss bitches they are only going after high value men who are 6ft, have 7 inch cocks and earn 8 figures but in reality we all know they’ll date any guy who is in right place at the right time to get her attention. I guess what I’m trying to say is that all of us are different people to different friends and we can switch easily how we talk to the people in our lives depending on how our friendship was built. If I’d text my friend about this I’d say things like she was really upset about it, I can’t wait to come home and fuck UK girls and other guy stuff because my friends don’t want to hear about me cuddling and crying. I’m British and now living in Asia as I actually find Asian girls more relaxed about enjoying life and seem less messed up mentally than western women but that’s just my preference. _Forgotten: Well said.

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tangledendrites: TIFU paid for excess baggage in the airport It was actually yesterday, went straight to safe wrap my luggage after weighing it. Weight was roughly 29 kilograms. Was happy because my allowed weight limit is 35 kilograms. Then after everything was safely wrapped, I headed to check in my baggage. Lo and behold the baggage personnel asked me first what was my allowed baggage and replied confidently “thirty five kilos! “ hahahaa that is where I realized I fucked up, bigtime. So the next scenario was dizzying to absorb, explaining that I should step aside while they compute for my penalty. They gave consideration though by deducting 2 kilograms from 9 kilograms to 7. Seven effin kilos times 45 usd. I hate myself! I did not read my allowed luggage is only 20 kg! Thai airways why do you have to so this?! I paid for round trip ticket in cash 😬. My allowed luggage before going out of the country was 35! Stupid me assumed it will still be the same baggage limit! P.S. I’m from Asia so $ convertion is pretty steep. TL; DR : my luggage exceeded on weight limit and I paid for 315 $ 😭- terminalzero: I have desperately put lawyers of clothes on from out of my suitcase at the checkin more than once but I don't know that I ever tried to wear an extra 9kg of them f tangledendrites: Someone told me I should’ve left those excess in the airport smorkoid: I absolutely would have done that rather than pay $300+ tangledendrites: That’s why I effed up. Now realizing all those 💸💵💸💸 went down the drain 😖

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Complex-Thought8959: TIFU by having the runs while on a run First post on Reddit, also on Mobile, sorry for any mistakes. Just a bit of background, I used to run a lot before Covid, but stopped because I got lazy, I also ate a lot of junk food, I now weigh about 98kgs at 6'2". So not fat, but chubby and I've been running with this girl everyday that I really like, she builds up my confidence and just motivates me. Anyway, onto the story! So I (26M) woke up this morning to a bright sunny day, my stomach felt a little bit weird but I thought nothing of it. (First mistake). It was also really hot, so I grabbed a larger bottle of water, climbed into the car and drove to my friends place, let's call her Kim. She's been getting me to drink 2L of water a day and to increase my fibre and change my unhealthy diet a bit. We started walking at 6am, we usually run between 4-5 Kms a day. As soon as we started walking my stomach started to feel a little weird again, but I said screw it, we already 1 Km down the road so no turning back now (second mistake). We were running and chatting a bit and every 1 Km or so we took a break to catch our breath, drink some water and carry on. Now while on the run, every now and again my stomach would feel a little weird and I would just keep it to myself, think about something else and the feeling would go away. It was working gloriously! We had run 4 Kms and stopped after walking up what felt like Mount Everest. We had run up quite a few hills before and with it being so hot at the moment I was feeling a little light headed and decided to stop and take 2 big gulps of water (BIIIG MISTAKE). We literally ran 15m down the road before my stomach decided that it wanted to unleash a spawn of satan. I literally turned to Kim and said I need to go to the toilet. Right. Now. She looked at me frantically, we were maybe 200m from her house, I took 2 more steps and my stomach literally wanted to fall out of my ass. So I looked around me and there were some large sticks and branches that had grass growing around it, now mind you, this is in a residential area, lots of cars driving back and forth, So now I, a 6'2" fully grown man am squatting behind sticks and grass that cover maybe half of my body while I'm squatting. I rip my pants down and unleash the nastiest spawn you ever smelt. It was a mix between a sewer and a chemical toxic spill. I am gagging and trying not to fall over or gain any attention towards me.. I sit there for 2 minutes before realizing that I have the remote to Kim's gate (she gives it to me because her pants dont have pockets). Now she cant get into her own property to grab me a roll of TP. I'm sitting there with 2 choices. Either I just pull my pants up and walk to her house in my filth. Or take some water and clean my ass from this toxic smelling waste. Guys. It was not okay. It was mushy and slimy and I will be scarred for the rest of my life. I managed to clean up as best as I could, pulled my pants up and do a walk of shame back to Kim's place. Thoroughly washed my hands without touching anything, and climbed in my car, drove home. Had the best shit (on a toilet this time) before having an even better shower. So that's my TIFU for 2023. TLDR: Didn't listen to mother nature. Had to shit like a neanderthal infront of a girl I really like on a busy residential street. Cyneganders: Once lined up for a marathon. Realized my stomach was NOT well. Went on the port-a-potty before the start line, spent half an hour there producing liquid death and finished just as the race started. Ran half the marathon in 1h45, then skipped out because I felt half dead. Was laid out sick for 2 weeks after... [deleted]: Ive also spent the first 5 min of a half in the porta potty. Lol ComfortableAd3747: I always take Pepto before a long run or an all-day outdoor activity (especially in cold weather) SaucyNeko: What does that do for you? ComfortableAd3747: Sometimes if I dont sleep well or if I have an outdoor activity in cold/inclement weather, my stomach is not the best. Pepto insures I don't feel off or have to drop a deuce in a port a potty or some other undesirable location SaucyNeko: Ah that makes sense. I've never used or had to use Pepto Bismol so I wasn't even sure of its purpose. It settles upset stomachs so you take it preemptively. Thanks for letting me know

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hearsdemons: TIFU by trying out a new recipe with ingredients I already had in the house I’m not a cook, not by any measure of the imagination. I usually just order food or eat out. But as my New Year’s resolution, I decided I was going to learn and experiment with cooking this year. Cooking is a life skill, so why not right? And I’ve realized nutrition and portion sizes are helpful when working out, so might as well try my hand at it. So I was going to learn to cook, it would be glorious or so I thought. Today was Day 1. I decided I’d start off with something light and fairly simple, and then add a twist. Eggs (with salt and black pepper), jalapeño pepper, paprika, lettuce on a wheat tortilla. And the twist? Hot sauce. You know, I don’t know what I was thinking. It was an absolute disaster. Every bite tasted worse than the last. I felt very confused and wasn’t really sure what I was eating. I cannot say there was any salvageable or good parts to any of today’s meal. It was torture all the way through. It’s as if someone took all of the bad in the world and put it on a dish. My mouth is still burning from this fiery wrap of hate. Needless to say, I’m off to a horrid start. I guess the silver lining is Day 2 cannot possibly be worse than Day 1. I can see already cooking is going to be a long and difficult journey. Maybe Day 2 will be a pleasant surprise and I can post in a happier thread. But I have a feeling I’ll be back here sooner than I’d like. Tl;dr: Felt motivated to stop eating out and learn to cook but ended up burning my mouth instead. gotora: All recipes dot com. Find recipe that sounds interesting/tasty and has ingredients you can obtain. Follow directions. Learn basics. THEN experiment. USUALLY works out better (not always). hearsdemons: Thank you! I’ll try this instead of conjuring up wild recipes in my head. p0tat0eninja: I would suggest trying some recipes pretty closely from a website to see what kind of cooking and tastes you like. Then start to modify recipes to your taste. Once you've done this a while, you'll have a good idea of what quantities of ingredients work well together and then you should definitely try wild recipes you've conjured up. Good for you for trying to better yourself and please don't be afraid of experimenting in the future!

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SilverPurse: TIFU by thinking I was funny in front of around 11 members of my biological family, that I was meeting for the very first time. This TIFU happened around 23 years ago. My Dad was adopted when he was 8 years old. He never wanted anything to do with his biolgical family, for his own reasons. However, he always knew there would be a day when I was old enough that I would want to meet them. When I was around 15-16, I approached him, asking permission to reach out to them. He told me that he had expected me to ask one day and went to retrieve an envolope he had put away, containing his biological Mother and Father's name and last known address. He let me know that I was free to reach out but he insisted that he didn't wish to be involved. They had not heard anything of my Dad in around 30 or so years and went crazy with excitement when I rang and they realised that my Dad was not only alive and well, but also had a son who was on the phone and asking to meet. We arranged to meet at a pub in the city they lived in, which was only a couple hours drive from where I lived with my Mum and Dad at the time. I caught the train there the following week. Something else which is important to the story is that I have ADHD. For those who do not know, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder simply means that sometimes I struggle to focus on one activitly for long periods of time before getting bored or distracted. My case is not serve at all, however, I was diagnosed with it as a youngster. When I finally met the family at the pub, I walked in expecting to be greated by two people and was instead greeted by 10-11 people. A few Cousins Uncles & Aunties and my Dad's biological parents. I sat on a table, with my back to the window of the pub and they all kinda formed a semi-circle around the table and me. They seemed fasinated that I existed and you could tell that this was a massive thing for them. My Dad was the eldest child and he had 7 younger Brothers and Sisters who had always wondered about there long lost brother, who most of them could not remember. They asked me question after question about my Dad, my family and everything else you would expect. I noticed many similarites in the way they spoke and the way my Dad, Brother and Sister spoke. They also had such simialr features to my Dad and my siblings and me, which was so strange to see for the first time ever. I found out that many of them played the same sports I played, were into the same things my Dad was, such as really old action comic books, music and many, many other things. I'm mixed race, half black, half white. My Dad was adopted by a white family in a very whilte town. My Dad was one of the only black people I knew. I often hated being mixed raced, and being different from everyone else at school. Suddenly being surrounded by a whole new family that looked the same as my Dad, was such a surreal feeling. Having only ever grown up with my Mum's side of the family, it was so exciting to connect to this group of warm, welcoming and excited people, who were kinda strangers but yet so, so familiiar. At one point I thought I would ask whether any of them also had ADHD, as it would make total sense that at least one of them could have (as I believed that it was hereditary at the time), and maybe I could finally connect with another person with the condition and maybe learn how they deal with it and how it affects them as an adult. When I asked if anyone else had it, they all just looked stumped and asked what is was, having never heard of it before. I started explaining, slightly dissapointed that non of the 10 or so of them had even heard of it. I said something along the lines of: "Well, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a mental condition, normally starting in childhood and often continuing in into later life, that is characterized by persistent difficulty in maintaining attention and concentration. As well as inpulsive behavour and often being over hyperactive..." (These wouldn't not have been my exact words back then, I have just copy/pasted the meaning from goggle, however, I would have said something similar at the time they would have been along those line) Halfway through explaining, I had the best idea I had ever had, to show my new family how funny I was. I thought that now would be the perfect time to purposely get distracted, mid-sentence and go off into a completley different story, showcasing the ADHD symtoms in action, in a way that was obviously a joke for comedic purposes. How funny they would all find it having just listened to the conditions :-) So I continued... "...ADHD is something I've lived with all my life, although I very rarely get distracted anymore, I find that a trick to always ensure that I stay on focus is to constantaly... OH WOWWWWWW! LOOK AT THIS BEER MAT! It's both blue AND green! I've never seen a blue and green beer mat before! HOW AMAZING! I must go home and tell my brother and sister about it. I GENUINELY CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A blue and green beer mat! WOW. No way. Would you believe it? BLUE and GREEEEEEEEEEN!" Remembering the hyperactive part of the condition, I held the beer mat in the air and started to jump up and down saying, "I've got a blue and green beer mat! I've got a blue and green beer mat! Than I sat back on my seat, with a huge smile on my face, in preperation for the laughter and clapping that was about to come. I looked at everyone, but instead of rolling on the floor in stiches, they just looked really confussed and concerned and stared at me in total silence I quickly realised that non of all 10-11 of them understood my joke or connected my sudden outburst and love for a soggy blue and green beer mat with the topic I had just been discussing. I was still young at the time so I didn't really have the confidence to explain that what I had just done was a joke, based on the subject of ADHD, that what I had just done was CLEARLY an over exaggerated example of all the symtons that I had been explaining literally seconds before. Plus I was started to doubt whether they would even understand had I even tried to explain. Instead I just continued to hold the big smile on my face, even though I wanted to cry while they just looked at me very confussed. I really didn't know what else to do. I couldn't think of what to say so I just sat there smiling. I was so embarassed. It was my first time meeting these people. I had taken ages to choose the right clothes, prepare what I would say to present myself and represent my Father in the best way possilbe and I had just let myself down. I realised that my smile was going on for way to long but remember thinking that if I suddenly stopped smiling then I would look even more crazy. Eventually one of my Aunties kindly asked for me to share the names and ages of my Brother and Sister, to which other members of the family nodded in a way to show that they were also keen to know this information. So I told them my siblings names and we just continued on talking like nothing had happened. Probably the most uncomfortable feeling at had ever had up to that point of my life. Although we stay in touch every so often. I never ended up building a big bond with any of them after the inital year or two. I always wonder wheher they kept their distance after thinking that I wasn't right in the head. Have any of you got any similar stories of times jokes just didn't go the way you expected them to? **TL;DR** I tried to do a joke in front of my family members who I had only met half and hour before. They didn't get it and I ended up making myself look like a total weirdo JohannSuende: brother this is second hand embarrassment but ypu don’t choose your family right? also shits hilarious hahaha how did your relationship went on? SilverPurse: lol We stayed in touch for special occasions but as I never grew up with them and as they never make the effect to evolved themselves in my life we just drifted apart. No lost at all for me in all honesty. My mums side of the family is big and wonderful enough on their own :-) JohannSuende: yeah nothing wrong with that, sounds like a good solution over all. Just leaves us to wonder why your dad went NC but thats a whole different story I guess SilverPurse: He was physically abused by his mother from a young age. He is still physically scared on some parts of his body from incidents. She always scared him into never telling anyone about it, so all his family just thought he ran away from home for no reason. Some of the brothers and sisters acted a little disrespectfully saying that my dad shouldn’t have ran away just because he didn’t like getting told off, as that’s what they were told. They weren’t aware of how bad it got. Eventually the police took him into care after finding him and taking him back to his house on so many occasions, with him begging them not to. I remember at one point, when I met the family, his Dad saying something like “oh I remember when I came home from work and your Dad and fell out of a tree and broken his arm, and a couple brothers and sister nodded, remembering hearing about that. What they didn’t know is that it was actually his mother who had hit his arm with a hammer and broken it when he was 7, after getting mad at him for not drinking his milk, and then forced him to say he fell from a tree to everyone else. I never said anything when they mentioned this story. I had absolutely no interest in his mother at all. All I wanted was to know my aunties and uncles and most importantly, see if I had any cousins who looked the same and me. JohannSuende: yeah his siblings are def not his mom, jeez what a monster😳

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No-use-for-a-: TIFU by flooding my recently deceased mom's bedroom by leaving the bathtub running. She was a hoarder. So that just happened. I spent today working on and filing exhibits to submit to the court for an HRO case with my child's father. I inherited my mom's estate, however I moved in here prior to her death to take care of her because she had cancer. The house isn't hoarded with filth, it's in good condition. She just had a lot of stuff. Stuff I've had to sort through and try to sell or disperse amongst family. Im the only one who's willing to do it. It hasn't been emotionally or physically easy on top of everything else happening in my personal life. So I thought I'd draw up a bath real quick and relax before picking my child up from school. Turned the water on, left the room and double checked my exhibits uploaded properly. One pdf did not. I hyperfocused on fixing it and totally forgot about the bath. I hear a "splash" in the hallway from my dogs footsteps. I thought he had an accident... Then two seconds later realized it was my accident. Ran to my mom's room where her bathroom is, turned off the water, panicked, unplugged everything, threw a blanket over the floor vent as water was rapidly dripping into it, and just stood there and stared for a minute. I tried to shop vac and wipe as much up as possible, but it's still so much. I took a break to write this in the few minutes I have before picking up my kid. Now I have to spend the rest of the day moving everything out of her room and figuring where the heck I can put it. It's been hard to just "throw" her things in the trash. As much as I resent her hoard, it was hers. In her last year while everyone was telling her to get rid of everything she said something that sticks with me. "This is my life. Everything in this house was a part of my story. I'm already losing my life and now everyone wants me to get rid of it." I ruined her stuff. I feel like I failed her. She's gone forever and I'm a 30 yr old single mom of 2 with little help and two dead parents. Now here I am, being forced to throw away the soggy boxes of half finished knitting projects and coloring books she put down and never picked back up. Projects she always wanted to finish but never did and never will and Im here throwing the life she never finished in the trash because I left the stupid bathtub running. I'm taking out folded clothes she set in her dresser herself, disrupting the exact position she left them in because it's to heavy for me to move with everything in it. TL;DR: I ruined my mom's thinga because I forgot to turn off the bath Squickysquick: I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard rummaging through your loved one's belongings. If this isn't helpful advice please ignore it. I found shifting the narrative helps me to deal with the loss of my wife. I suggest an alternate way to think of events to re frame it positively, instead of 'TIFU', imagine your mother is watching you right now and what you're going through. From where she is watching she can see her error in thinking holding on to material possessions was holding on to her life story. Imagine She realizes they're just objects and not the essence of life. Her legacy is in the memories you all have, not the physical hoard she accumulated to represent her time here. She's observing what a burden she left you with sorting through things, and none of that material stuff was her life. She didn't need those physical objects to know who she was. Imagine she can see how she made her physical burden your's to deal with and that it wasn't fair to you. Out of her great love for you she's going to help you from the after life by making it easier to get rid of some things by intentionally distracting you from the tub so they'd be ruined, and you'd realize it's ok to let go of the things that aren't needed in the house and it's ok to heal. Be kind to yourself. Try to rewrite the story in your mind from you being a bad person for ruining the things, to someone who has your mom's support after the fact. Even if it might not be true, it's a much kinder thought to imagine than you fucked up. It's easier said than done, but re writing and re framing things like this after the fact has helped me let go of a lot of pain and what if's from my wife passing. eggrollin2200: This is a very compassionate and well written comment. I’m very sorry for your loss as well. I hope you’re kind to yourself too. Squickysquick: Thank you, I'm definitely trying to be.

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[deleted]: TIFU by troubleshooting a tech issue too well at a job interview [deleted] Gordon_Explosion: If the entire reason for hiring you was for a problem that could be fixed in 5 seconds, what did they plan to do with you the rest of.... time? Otototototototoi: it was a contractor job where they would have me work as an as-needed basis, but they had urgent needs right away (until they didn't). I already have a full time job and was taking this on as a side project. Edit: Deleting this post, wasn't expecting it to go viral and I don't want people I know stumbling onto my Reddit account apextek: They just used the interview to hussle you for free tech support thegamingfaux: I mean, He asked what the specifics were, and then gave them a pretty solid statement on his own, which while proving he knew the answer also gave them the answer. Sudden_Schedule5432: Man… you would think was common enough that some computer science majors would come up with a way to prove that you know an answer without giving the answer away. Custard1753: Can’t tell if this is a joke but this does exist, it’s called a zero knowledge proof VexingRaven: I'm not sure if this is a joke but zero knowledge proofs are for, like, mathematical equations... It's cryptography stuff. You can't just do a zero-knowledge proof some arbitrary open-ended statement like a troubleshooting solution. Custard1753: It would be hard to do for something as open ended as this but could be possible. And I think it doesn't necessarily have to be cryptographic/mathematical to be a ZKP. The [Ali Baba cave](https://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~mkowalcz/628.pdf) example shows that. OP deleted the post so I forget what the original prompt was, but let's say its something like "Fix our Tableau application so that we can import Microsoft Excel data again" or something like that. The company could just set him up in the environment with the broken Tableau application, and watch an output folder. If the OP fixes it, he can output some sort of Tableau specific file to the output folder. Bonus points if you can add some sort of hash to the program output to prove that its from that exact program and not a fabricated file or something. VexingRaven: > The company could just set him up in the environment with the broken Tableau application, and watch an output folder. If the OP fixes it, he can output some sort of Tableau specific file to the output folder. Bonus points if you can add some sort of hash to the program output to prove that its from that exact program and not a fabricated file or something. But then it doesn't matter if OP tells them what he did to fix it... They have the fixed software now? That is an interesting possibility that I did not consider, that your secret could be the fix itself and the proof could be the output of the functioning program. I don't think there are many real-world cases where this could actually work, but I guess it is theoretically possible. Custard1753: Well yeah the caveat is that he has to reverse the changes before the end of the interview. VexingRaven: I would deeply uncomfortable receiving access to anything but an isolated test machine during an interview, and even more uncomfortable fixing and then re-breaking it. I have no idea what sort of liability that might open up. Custard1753: It's not practical at all and I wouldn't expect a company to do this. I was just throwing out an example. But really the company shouldn't have given a real world problem to a candidate either.

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Actual_Dinner_5977: TIFU by destroying mother in laws bathroom My wife and I have been married for fifteen years, together for 18, since we were freshmen in college. I met her mother a few months into dating and she is such a fun person. She's kind, thoughtful, and loves a good dirty joke. Most holidays we go grocery shopping together and plan the meals as a fun tradition. My wife has four sisters and one of them was getting married. Her sister and soon to be husband asked me to officiate their wedding, my wife is in the wedding party, and it's family so of course we are there. A few years ago we got a little Maltese named Lilly. She'd about 7 pounds, great with kids, and just a precious dog. Sadly she has extreme anxiety. She us a rescue who was treated pretty poorly. My wife works from home full time, so she's developed this extreme attachment to her. If my wife leaves, Lilly spends hours and hours crying by the door until she comes back. We've always had Lilly stay with family if we are going to be gone, but with the wedding everyone would be at the event. My mother in law says we can bring her over to her house since we live far away and just leave her for the evening in her house. Since Lilly has occasional accidents, especially if she is stressed, I suggested we put her in the bathroom while we are gone. Just so she doesn't ruin her carpet if she has an accident. We get her a nice spot with some water and her blankets, close her in and go out to the wedding. Get back to the house around 2 AM and I go to open the bathroom door. It won't open. The door doesn't lock. She had pulled a cabinet drawer loose that was barricading the door. No problem; I get a clothes hanger and after 5 minutes I get the door open. It looks like a bomb went off in the bathroom. Claw marks all over the cabinets. Backside if the door half chewed through and ripped apart. Carpet shredded app the way to the floorboard. Shit all over the floor. I'm apologizing profusely, my mother in law is saying it's OK but I can tell she is upset. She lives alone and doesn't have a huge budget. I promise I will cover the costs. After fixing the flooring, door and cabinets I'm out several thousand dollars. I'm not taking my dog anywhere again. TL;DR - I brought my dog to my mother in laws house and she caused several thousand dollars worth of damage to her bathroom while we were gone. Hot_Supermarket4369: Good wake up call that you need to train and socialize your dog, or else spend the rest of its life catering to all of its needs Actual_Dinner_5977: So she is almost 10 years old. We got her pretty old and set in her ways. Forgive my ignorance; is training effective for a dog her age? I thought you had to do that when she was a puppy. bpIIgirl: Yes and will be to her benefit in the long run should she have health issues and need to stay away from your wife for treatment, or another family event/emergency happens and she needs to be left. You should do it in a slow controlled way where she doesn't get anxious - there are Certified Separation Anxiety Coaches that can help you remotely. I'd also check in with your vet about trying a mild anxiolytic/sedative especially if you only have to leave her infrequently.

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AlternativeFickle218: TIFU by using my phone with it in my lap For context this was in school (I’m in highschool) and it was a huge misunderstanding. I (15 M) was sitting on the couch in the tech theatre room waiting for the play I had just worked on for the past month (it was a competition play so it wasn’t that big of a production) and I had my phone in my hand as just arm was in my lap. I was wearing a pair of suede black pants and my phone case is this black case that looks like it’s on it last life, while I was chilling in the couch a group of the other “techies” had kept walking in and out with many people seeing me on the couch and i had only left due to the teacher telling me to piss off. It went okay but the next day while I was high off an edible I got this text from my bf (15M) that read “WILLOW.” And “WAHT THE ACTUAL FUCK”. He proceeded to tell me how one of the techies that day had been spreading the rumor that I had been wacking off on the couch. I’m ofc a horny teenager but I have self respect and wouldn’t just pull out my dong and choke it right then and there, those things require privacy. After telling my friends this was an obvious misunderstanding they still didn’t talk to me. Now my bf won’t text me and I want to kms. Wtf do I do? TL;DR A rumor spread that i wacked off cause my phone looked like “my dick” and now my “friends” won’t talk to me SmittyManJensen_: Double down. “Yeah I was jackin in, what of it?” AlternativeFickle218: I would but with recent SA allegations against some dick head in the department it would be an in appropriate time Any-Life9192: Tell them it's harassment and you want to know who started it AlternativeFickle218: I have found who started it and they admitted it was an honest misunderstanding but a lot of people still don’t get it which pisses me off Any-Life9192: Then that person has two choices, they can tell everyone they speak crap, by email if necessary OR You have them dealt with for harassment

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Cool-Shame9744: TIFU: What Goes Up Must Come Down [removed] blacknessofthevoid: “What goes up, must come down”…. Unless it reaches terminal velocity. Confession: did not even read the rest of the post yet. Will do it now. Edit: read the rest and honestly the title is the best part. A part of being a professional is handling situations at a higher level than a normal (and especially drunk) person would do. That includes escalations and de-escalations of situations, rather than beating the shit out of a drunk person on autopilot. ErixWorxMemes: Think you mean escape velocity. Terminal velocity is the highest speed reachable by a falling body only affected by gravity ETA- agreed; thought black belts are supposed to exercise even more care than the average martial arts practitioner as far as situations like this. My first read-through I thought it happened because op was the drunk one, not the druncle blacknessofthevoid: Yep. Escape velocity.

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the_tiltedtits: TIFU by donating blood to Red Cross [NSFW] I had scheduled a time to give blood at Red Cross. Went in and did my usual questionnaire check-in and proceeded to give a couple pints. I've never been one to sit and stay for the full 15 min afterwards. This time after finishing the draw I get up and go sit down for some water and juice. As soon as I sit down I can feel my head rush and start to get light headed. This is where I fuck up. I vaguely remember techs coming by and checking on me. The next thing I know I feel a cold towel on my head and I'm awoken by the smell of raw sewage. I'm laying on the floor and water is all over after I dropped the water bottle. I'm sitting in some water, but the stench that woke me up won't leave. I passed out for the first time after giving blood. I tell them I have to use the bathroom to wash up even though they tell me to lay still. As soon as I hit the can and pull my sweats down I knew I was in a world of regret. There's some watery ass stain in my underwear and it's compromised my sweats as well. WTF. As I'm wiping my ass off of shame and regret I'm left with 0 chance of walking back in to get straight. I'm sure everyone there smelled the vile stench that was my ass passed out. I'm ashamed that my chocolate starfish let freedom reign. My underwear went quickly into the garbage and I tried to wipe up and clear any sogginess on my sweats. The Red Cross proctor came by to check and see if I was ok and assured me it happens to all shapes and sizes. Great, but can they smell the shit stain that is my wet soggy ass? I quickly ask if they could retrieve my hoody and phone that are still inside. I do the walk of shame through the rain to my car and luckily have a towel I can use to soak up my shit stained sweats. Get home, shower off and will probably never donate blood again. TL;DR - Gave blood, passed out and shit myself teashirtsau: In Australia they don't take more than 500ml (I think it's 470ml but it depends on your weight) so "a couple of pints" sounds like a massive problem straight up. After an incident they also don't let you donate again without a note from your doc. I think fainting of any kind rules you out for years or even life depending on the reason (eg vasovagal). I'm sorry you had a terrible experience and I hope this doesn't turn anyone else off from donating. ZackAttackIsBack17: Yeah, they don’t take more than 1 pint here in the US. The only exception is if you do something like “double red”, where they take 2/3 of a pint, sift out the red blood cells, put it back in you with some added solution and repeat 2 more times. In the end, they have taken 2 pints of blood, but only kept the red blood cells and put the rest back. It feels super weird. grashalm4290: For normal countrys: how much is a pint in normal metric System? ZackAttackIsBack17: 473ml Ftlist81: Actually 568ml ZackAttackIsBack17: That’s an imperial pint, and I am pretty sure they take 1 liquid pint. Ftlist81: There's 2 different pints now? Yeah that would be an imperial pint. ZackAttackIsBack17: Yeah, why be consistent right? Ftlist81: I mean we like getting things mixed up with a potentially lethal result.

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TIFUDUMBASS7866: TIFU by letting the perfect girl slip away This actually happened today but as a multimonth FU. I came out of a 7 year relationship a year ago and have been terrified about letting another person in my life since. Went through months and months of depression, therapy. Finally got the motivation to dig myself out of the hole and move on with life. I start working on myself. Gym, exercise, group classes, new sources of income, passion projects, started traveling again etc. I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Things were going alright again. Not perfect, but things were moving. But something was lacking. I knew what it was, but I kept trying to pretend like it didn't matter. I was somewhat successful with that. There were enough distractions in my life to not dwell on it for long. Fast forward 5 months. In the midst of one of the classes, this girl crosses my path. She immediately catches my eye. There's a kind of elegance to her. I smile at her a couple of times throughout the class, she smiles back. Eventually class ends. We take the train. I start the conversation. Find out she lives close to me. I offer her a ride home. She obliges. We stop for food and spend a couple of hours chatting. There were so many things we had in common. We laugh at each other's jokes. A genuinely good time. Everything in me wants to lean in for a kiss. My brain vetoes it. Do not shit where you eat. You like this class and you want to keep going for it. So nothing happens. I drop her off at her place. I know I'm supposed to walk her to the gate. Give her a kiss goodbye. My brain vetoes it again. I give her a fistbump like an idiot. Over the next couple of weeks, we hang out before/after class. Always straddling the line between friendship and dates. Not for lack of opportunity but for my dumb brain saying not to mess up a good thing. If I had a penny for every chance to escalate I could buy a shovel and dig a large enough hole to bury my head in it forever. But with every "date" I knew I was voluntarily moving myself deeper and deeper into friend territory. But I was also falling more and more for her. All the imperfections that I had tried to use to justify not making a move started becoming meaningless in the grand scheme of things. She was actually almost perfect. My regular days started melting into a singularity. It was now just days with her and nothing else. She starts taking rain checks on things we planned. Lying about why she couldn't make it. The writing was on the wall. She had found other guys to spend her time with. Even through it all, I kept telling myself I need to make a move. I even discussed it in therapy. There was a breakthrough. I finally came to terms that there was no need for me to intentionally sabotage this interaction. I was literally ready to spill it all out today. After class. But she said she had to meet a friend. He was waiting for her outside class. I saw him. It was definitely a date. I never cried when my last relationship ended. I cried today. I was completely devastated. I had an epiphany. I downloaded Hinge and set my location to her place. I quickly found her profile. Active today. All the "friends" she was meeting. I already knew they were dates. But I refused to admit it. There was no running from it now. The emotions hit like a sledgehammer. I fight the temptation to send her a like with the message "xd". I finally understood why they call it heartache. I actually felt such a pain in my heart. I tried to cry myself to sleep. Obviously futile. My mind was racing. I kept checking her last seen and it kept updating. It is now 6am and she is still online. I'm low key jealous because I know that means she had a great date and now he's the only one on her mind. Or maybe she was kidnapped. But I'll never know. Game over. TLDR, squandered 2 months of headstart with the perfect girl for no reason and she has now moved on to greener pastures. SillyPuttyPurple: It's NOT too late - just talk to her! Tell her you really like her, but you were scared to screw things up, then ask her out. The worst she could say is no, but you've got so much to gain by trying. As someone who still lives with the regret 20yrs later of letting "the one" get away, trust me on this. A rejection will hurt for a while, but "What If" will haunt you forever. TIFUDUMBASS7866: I have a flight tomorrow and it's too late to schedule anything. I would hate to do this over text. But they seem to be progressing really quickly ithil_galad: awh okay i see, not even a call?

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[deleted]: TIFU by unknowingly trading giantess videos with a minor. [deleted] Protottype: Bro why in the world would you post something like this? Cringe ass fuck kinda freaky and alarming. It’s one thing to have no idea but finding out and you’re still talking about how you traded sexual content with a minor. Stg it’s people like you and others on this subreddit that are low key normalizing pedophilia… Important_Joke_7526: I know. I should’ve checked. It’s all on me. I just want to say that I do not condone pedophilia at all. PhantomTroupe-2: u/fbi u/cps u/feds I’m snitching on you

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[deleted]: TIFU losing an important client [deleted] StewPidassho: X - Doubt nit3wolf: Oh, I don't have a screenshot as proof but you can try it yourself [https://imgur.com/a/TsiXtJN](https://imgur.com/a/TsiXtJN)

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humanyolk: TIFU by convincing a friend I have face blindness In the last say, year, a girl has been hanging out in my group of friends. She is a cool, but pretty blunt and a strong personality. She intimidates me a bit. Anyways, I’m naturally a bit of a derp. I have a hard time remembering faces, names, details of any sort. A bit ‘in my head’. Well, I ended up bumping into her quite a few times and even served her at my restaurant. Wasn’t sure if it was her so I didn’t say anything. She confided in someone that she thought i was avoiding her. Welp. I saw her at a bar and, after confirming it was her, blurted out that I have face blindness. In truth I have social anxiety and I’m a bit awkward. And as I said, I just don’t have the proclivity towards remembering details. But, a few margs deep, I decided to fabricate this excuse. She seemed relieved to hear this information. I only see her now and again, and recently she was at the same birthday party as me. She immediately introduced herself to me. She must have looked up what the condition is all about. She started explaining to the people around her that I have face blindness. These people know me. They all looked confused. I scrambled to try and smooth it over. “It’s hard to remember faces when you work in the industry and meet so many people!” I scampered away. A few days later we were at another gathering. We don’t usually see each other this much. I felt like she was already doubting my story and I didn’t want to look like a fraud, so I spent the night squinting into the faces of people I had known for years and pretending to discover who they were with delighted surprise. I don’t know how to get out of this apart from admitting to her that I’m a lying idiot. I feel like Larry David. TLDR; lied about face blindness, sentenced to pretend I don’t recognize anyone Neenknits: Face blindness is a continuum. Some people have trouble learning new faces, but once learned, they stay. It wasn’t until a person I run into and chat with regularity described their own (pretty significant, but not 100%) face blindness, that I realized I seem to has a super mild case of it, or something like it, in very limited circumstances, and we think that is why I can never keep actors straight in movies. Especially men, I have no idea which is which in a movie or new tv show. It was 3 episodes, at least, of west wing, before I could tell apart Josh, Sam, and Leo, despite their different looks and ages. Same thing applies to meeting new people. I just don’t recognize them until I have met the,ma number of times. humanyolk: Well, in a turn of events, I must have a mild case as well. I’m no longer a fraud! Neenknits: When I need to mention it, which is rare, I make it clear it is not complete, and just a matter of learning being hard and it’s irritating, but not that I am ignoring or not valuing the person. That brains are weird. Some people can never learn faces, so I don’t want anyone thinking I have that, and being angry when they learn I don’t, thinking I was misleading them on purpose.

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[deleted]: TIFU by reaching my step goal [deleted] Van_GOOOOOUGH: >pretty accurate Apparently not so accurate if it confuses wanking hand with walking feet. boredehef: I must have been swinging my arm. Van_GOOOOOUGH: Please post us a sample video of your masturbatory practices so we may determine how your apple watch misinterpreted your wanks for walkies. Bike_Chain_96: While not on an Apple watch, my old fitness counter would count mine for walking. Not sure what causes it, but I know it happens

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[deleted]: TIFU by asking my boyfriend about his nightmare... [deleted] Van_GOOOOOUGH: Last night I dreamt someone was laying on a table in an ice cream shop and I was trying to murder her by wrapping her to the table with Saran wrap. Then someone approached and I tried to explain "it's not what it looks like," I'm an innocent sweet girl and there's a logical explanation for this 😆 Next dream I'd just had sex with someone I knew IRL who I'd NEVER want to have sex with, but in the dream we were both happy & satisfied, then he said "Here take this," tried to hand me money and I felt insulted, "I'm not a prostitute! I did that because I WANTED to..." Anyway dreams are weird, they rarely make sense at face value, and rarely should be interpreted literally. ThomasPEBradyJR: Dexter is that you? Lol Van_GOOOOOUGH: Sorry I don't watch TV so I don't understand your reference. ThomasPEBradyJR: Dexter wraps people to table with saran wrap before killing them lol Van_GOOOOOUGH: Really?? What the heck kinda weird dream did I have, this was already a thing?? ThomasPEBradyJR: https://www.google.com/search?q=dexters+table&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&prmd=isvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiforbjg8X8AhUsj4kEHQpYAFgQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ#imgrc=VC84dqpNPZj6jM Theres a link to a picture hahaha was it similar? Van_GOOOOOUGH: So weird. I wonder if this is low-key some sort of satanic ritualistic sacrificial ceremony that occurred to me in my subconsciousness, see Hollywood is apparently doing it and they're all satanists but I've never heard of such a thing, maybe it's a vibe. Anyway In my dream we were all dressed in soft pink & blue pastel colors because I 'm a girl and that's how my dreams are ThomasPEBradyJR: I dont think its that deep haha

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armedmonkey: TIFU by overthinking my dog's name and missing one obvious problem Ask customary, this happened two months ago. However we continue to experience this fuck up every single day. Two months ago my wife and I bought a beautiful Lagotto puppy. We were picking her up on the way from our two-week road trip to visit my parents, and we spent most of the time on the road thinking through dog names. We made lists of female names from Greek, Roman, and Slavic mythology, of course considering whether any of the names would be just perfect for this dog whom we had not yet met. We excluded any names that may have been shared by neighboring dogs. What about that woman we saw those couple times at the park? What was her dog's name? Wasn't it Athena? Cross that one off the list. We considered that the name should be the right length, not too long to call quickly, but not so short or common that it would sound like a common household word, or a common name. No "Nix", no "Ladda" because to a dog -- might that sound too close to other random human bleating? No Joy (no joy left in this process for us at this point either) During our time at my parents', we joked about how people must suffer in Amazon households because Alexa doesn't seem THAT uncommon of a name And on the ride home we decided to just call her Golda, after the character in Fiddler on the roof. When we got our precious, nervous puppy, and had to get her to sleep in her crate for the first few nights, and we would utter sweet assurances to her that the lights being off did not mean that we were disappearing off the face of the earth forevermore. We would call out "hey. Hey Golda. It's okay. Go to bed" And suddenly -- "sorry, I don't understand" says Google Assistant, startling all three of us. Great. At least our dog won't get confused at the neighborhood park. But now after a long hard day of "Nevermind, Google! Shut up!", I get to yell through the house, "Okay, Golda! Good night!" And kill all the lights and devices in the house, and run the white noise to help us all sleep. Tldr: my wife and I thought for days for the perfect dog name and ended up calling her a name (Golda) that sounds too much like we are summoning Google Assistant Missedmyplane714: You cannot post this and expect us to not ask for pictures of the dog armedmonkey: https://preview.redd.it/3a1a5qp23vba1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=1272ea80f48cb4d6e84b6a932028bf6d1c5063e1 armedmonkey: https://preview.redd.it/wvt3hfw43vba1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=a604ed81f14221439d8ae3ac33d29a47fda32f02 Missedmyplane714: Awwwww armedmonkey: Did I deliver or what?

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Bigdaddycool985: TIFU by house surfing [removed] Interesting-Month-56: What?? This sounds like BS Bigdaddycool985: And you sound like shit from my ass moron Interesting-Month-56: And still I’m smarter than you and my stories smell better. I kinda hope this is real and you end up in jail.

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[deleted]: TIFU by holding a grudge for 29 years against a kid at school who called me "Banana Boy" [deleted] LiveWire11C: Really? Sad, low effort karma farming... https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/109fccu/tifu_by_holding_a_grudge_for_29_years_against_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button blokkiesam: 🤣 it’s called a joke but ok LiveWire11C: Then post to shit posting or funny, even though it's not. blokkiesam: xD will do

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HatsuneDani39: TIFU The Last 5 Years of My Life So this is going to be a LONG post, so I will include a TL;DR at the end. As the title states, I have fucked up the last five years of my life by not making my own decisions. I have let everyone make decisions for me, and I am ashamed of myself. Let's take the major "hobby" that I love, which is Vocaloid. For people who do not know, Vocaloids are vocal synthesizers made by Yamaha. They're a singing program where you can make your own music. So back to the story. Hatsune Miku, who is the most famous Vocaloid, saved my life when I was in high school. I was depressed and suicidal when I switched schools, and everyone would call me the nerdy kid who came from a ghetto neighborhood. Didn't matter that I was white. Still got made fun of by other white kids. Hatsune Miku's music made me happy and smile, and even cry. I loved collecting merchandise from her from there on out. I went to her concerts in 2014 and 2016 too! Anyways, while collecting, I also had a huge anime and manga collection. Let's just say, my parents weren't too happy with my "hobby," but they still went along with it. My mom always called Miku my "girlfriend" because I had posters of her all over my walls. Every wall was covered with a Hatsune Miku poster. I had figurines also. From 2012-2018, I was happy. This was my life. Anime, manga, video games, Vocaloids. This was also the last year until earlier last year that I would collect everything. I was slowly starting to fall out of this hobby in the beginning of 2018. My dad could see that. So in the mix of all of this, he somehow "convinced" me to sell it all. I had TWO full bookshelves of anime and manga. GONE. All gone. He said that he likes the fact that I wanted to take this step and get back to watching my real "hobbies" which is sports. Mind you, all I watch is soccer and football. I don't really care about baseball, and I don't like basketball or ice hockey, but I will say, Aussie rules football is amazing. Back to the story. So here I am, almost four years later, having to rebuild everything. I can't even think for myself. My ex, who I still see occasionally, who even CHEATED on me, even tho she "broke up" with me and told me "We aren't together, but we are together," whatever the fuck that meant. Mind you, she got pregnant but some dude, and fucked three other dudes at a party she went to, IN THE SAME NIGHT. I think I am only seeing her because I am scared of what will happen to the kid if I am not there. She now claims she's not dating anyone and she still likes me, but I don't know. It's all foggy. It's like I haven't been able to think for myself since 2018. This is also around the time she started dating me. She was also a factor of why I went along with what my dad said. I was so pussywhipped and in love that I wanted to do anything to make her happy, even if it cost me my Switch, PS4, and all my otaku stuff. And I always used to spend money on her to make her happy. I have no idea what's wrong with me, and I am on the verge of tears even writing this. I also fucked up by picking a major in college that has a dying industry. Now I am finally going back to school soon for a very in-demand career path, so that's a start. But every time I think about what has happened to me in the past, I can't move on. How do I even move on? How do I even become happy again? I am sorry if this sounds sappy, but I have nowhere I can vent. The last 5 years have been such a blur, and this is all I wanted to say. There is so much more, like her making me get kicked out of my house TWICE, and when I needed her and was sleeping in my car, she wasn't there for me. TL;DR: Can't get over ex, and can't make decisions for myself. The last five years have been a blur, and my confidence is shot. InkJ3lood: Dump this woman! HatsuneDani39: It's hard because I don't want anything to happen to the kid. I don't see her a lot. Maybe a few times a week. But it's like I can't move on. PineapplesAndPizza: Honestly, bro. That's not your kid, it's hers, and she needs to take care of it. You sound like you are struggling to figure your own life out right now. The last thing you should be doing is raising another person's kid. Lastly homi if I'm still being honest here, it sounds like this kid is your rationalize to stay involved in what sounds like a super toxic relationship. Legit. Get out. Get your life together first. All love. HatsuneDani39: The kid is super attached to me. That's the problem. 😭 PineapplesAndPizza: Still not your kid. HatsuneDani39: I'll text her tmrw and tell her in person that this all needs to end and I can't do this anymore. I guess I'm scared cause I'll have no one to talk to and be alone all the time again. Maybe that's why I'm still holding on in a way. PineapplesAndPizza: Whatever you do, don't isolate afterwards. Get involved locally, find a hobby, and connect with other people irl. HatsuneDani39: It's just hard being 27 and going back to school with a bunch of teens again. I'll try to find time to do what you said tho. UselessUnderscore: Ah dude, I feel you. My husband left me in 2015, and I lost my house, my job and my car all in the space of a week because of seizures and had to move back in with my parents. I spent SEVEN YEARS alone after that. But, I went back to uni, even though I was much older than everyone else, and I worked on myself. I went to therapy to sort out my feelings with my relationship with my parents, got my autism diagnosis. and finally started to be the person I wanted to be instead of the absolute car crash, no self-preservation, epic shitstorm that was my self esteem. I truly believe that your 20’s are there for you to fuck up and find out from, and your 30s are when you are a better person that is good enough to be with someone who truly deserves you and you them. Treat it like a practice run for the rest of your life, people put way too much stock in youth and don’t realise that it’s only a short percentage of your life and you’re old for a really long time afterwards lol. I’m now in my 30s, have my own house, keep my mother on a tight leash, and am due my baby boy on Valentine’s Day this year. I met my husband, who is a wonderful man and like you, has suffered at the hands of advantageous manipulative women in the past because he’s too nice. He was even single for two whole years before he met me. Keep going petal, you’re only 27, and don’t be ashamed of your life experiences. They mould who you are, and you seem like a really nice person who if he just had a bit of confidence about himself he’d be worlds away from the poor, small little mouse you are now. Dump the bitch, and in the words of Ru Paul, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else? Say amen with me now petal lol lots of love from the UK. HatsuneDani39: This was written beautifully and gave me some Hope. Thank you so so much for this. This is the kind of motivation I need to keep going. I'm sorry about your past, but congrats on the baby boy!! Your husband sounds amazing also like you. One more thing: My mom used to live in London lol. She said she lived about 20 minutes from Arsenal's old stadium at Highbury? I think it's called.

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abasov: TIFU by responding to a NOT anonymous survey from my child’s daycare My 3 yr old just switched daycares to this large center and the vibe from the admin staff is off. They all seem so uninterested in the parents and never really even say good morning. Especially the director, who is the boss of everyone there. She looks like it pains her to smile. Think Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda. It always gives me an uncomfortable feeling like they’re acting like they’re doing me a favor by letting us go there when, in reality, we pay 2600/mo for my two toddlers to attend. Now, I’m known for being sensitive to people’s attitude so I told my husband and he said he felt the same. He agreed that most of the admin staff at the front desk seemed like someone has pissed in their Cheerios. Why work at a kid’s daycare if you’re going to be a grumpy F? Anyway… I think I fucked up and now I’m to the point of considering leaving. We got a survey about the center and what we think and I, moronically, thought it was private. I said what I felt about the staff and called the director out specifically. It wasn’t private. The director emailed me back with this weird apologetic email saying how she’s sorry I feel that way about her and the staff and her goal is to have a family like environment. I was mortified. Now, I feel so awkward whenever I go in there and nothing has changed, but now I feel like they all know and hate me. I don’t know what to do. This is so awkward. TL;DR I replied to what I thought was an anonymous survey from my kid’s daycare saying I felt the admin staff, and specifically the director, were cold and unfriendly and the director got my email and replied to me and now everything is weird. AZymph: Trust your gut and find another childcare. Taleya: Especially with that narcissistic non-apology. That's the kind of person to take it out on your kid mesajoejoe: Genuinely curious, but why do you think this was a: "narcissistic non-apology" Depending on the tone of the feedback(we don't know specifically), what kind of response would you expect from the director that would be acceptable? originaltitface: >Genuinely curious, but why do you think this was a: "narcissistic non-apology" Because this is reddit and some people love making assumptions/genuinely think they know it all SuzQP: Amazing how many of us can diagnose a complex and relatively rare psychiatric condition from a two-sentance comment made by someone who has no knowledge of the person at all. It's just uncanny how brilliant and talented we all become once we figure out how to get reddit karma. HashedEgg: K, just to be that guy, calling behaviour narcissistic isn't a diagnosis. Healthy/neurotypical people can display narcissistic behaviour too. If narcissistic behaviour is systemic and/or the only mode of response for a person than that would be something that could get diagnosed with for example an anti social personality disorder. Cutting in line with a full cart while ignoring everyone else and not apologizing can easily be seen as narcissistic behaviour. But that doesn't mean the person is automatically a narcissist. There could be lots of other explanations for that behaviour. SuzQP: I see your point, but there's a larger consideration. Using clinical terms to describe simple rudeness dilutes the meaning and encourages the perception that mental illness is a character flaw. If we routinely assume that meanness is characteristic of a personality disorder, then everyone suffering a disorder will be perceived as anti-social. That's not fair. There's nothing missing in the words "rude," "selfish," and "unpleasant." Why borrow adjectives that come with a completely unnecessary and inaccurate connotation? Embarassed_Tackle: Reddit and Twitter need a 30 day hiatus from the following terms: > narcissistic > borderline > gaslighting SuzQP: If we can include a moratorium on tYPinG LikE tHiS to indicate ignorance, count me in. HashedEgg: That's actually meant to indicate sarcasm

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LunaLahote: TIFU by throwing a doorhandle at a classmate Little context: so this guy has autism (All of the people in my school do and so do i). We are in highschool. ​ This guy, let's call him J, has been bothering me since september. Insulting my body, calling me bitch, whore ect.. behind my back but obviously people heard and told me so that wasn't to fun. But eventually my economics teacher fixed it and the guy admitted to having a crush on me which made him act all possessive and crazy. I ended up forgiving him. And it was pretty much fine until recently he started doing it again. I thought whatever because we had christmas break for like 2 and a half weeks so i thought it would be over and he is just dealing with stuff or whatever. ​ I was wrong. Yesterday J did it again and even put a doorhandle (broke off from a door and they didn't fix it) on my chair so i would go sit on it. Obviously this was dumb and really funny to me because i would absolutely notice if it was on my chair. I heard from a friend that he was once again insulting me and even said that i was having sex with a male classmate of mine which i'm friends with (he is an adult because he had to redo a year or 2. I'm not to sure. And he's taken, i'm a minor) so that was really disgusting. We didn't have class in our main class yesterday so i couldn't confront him then. Second period today, i grabbed the door handle and walked up to our history class. I threw it at him (i missed) and kinda yelled/ spoke loudly about what he has been doing which he obviously denied. ​ I was send to our remedial educationalist who then made me sit in study hall for the rest of the morning because she said that it was his word against mine and they couldn't do anything. Next period i have to talk with J and some other guy who got dragged into it and has nothing to do with it because our remedial educationalist thinks it will be good for us. So yeah. ²TL;DR TIFU by being agressive and throwing (i missed) a doorhandle at a classmate who has been insulting me behind my back for months now. Kintler11: I once threw a chair at my classmate, it was 4th grade I think LunaLahote: yo? storytime? why?

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sempdawg: TIFU by ending an email with ‘Warm Regards’ Apologies for formatting, on phone. Back story: I live in the tropics and I rent a dodgy two bedroom unit by myself ($1500 AUS/month). My only air-conditioner broke three weeks ago, which I did give leniency for repairs due to christmas/new year shut down but had heard nothing on repair/replacement. Aircon broke because landlord had not done any servicing in 7-8 months and no inspections completed. 35 degrees daily and no aircon does not sit well with me and dogs as it’s hot… So obviously I am frustrated. I called up the rental agency and stated to call me before 1pm, she did not reply. Ended up calling up consumer affairs for advice and they put my through to community lawyers (free thank god) who said it was reasonable to not pay the full rent as the house is broken and made an appointment with them for the Monday after next. I called up the rental agency and stated to call me before 1pm. Here comes the FU - I emailed my rental agency (turns out she is my landlords ex-husband) stating I wanted the aircon fixed soon and that I did not think it was fair to pay full price rent if the house isn’t in a proper condition not due to me. I ended the email with ‘Warm Regards’… 2 hours later I have received a ‘pseudo’ eviction notice giving me 10 days to remove my dog and fix everything up then final (and only) inspection on the 30/01. TL;DR Live in the tropics, aircon broke, reported, nothing, asked with no answer, sought legal advice, ended the email with ‘Warm Regards’, have been evicted fade2black244: Don't know the AUS law, but they have to give you a longer eviction notice. Look at your contract. HappyTimeHollis: In Queensland - where OP likely is - it's one week notice if you breach your lease, or two months notice before the end of your lease if they just don't want to renew. fade2black244: Yes, but how has the OP breached his lease? Also, in the States the landlord is *required* to fix the heater/ac by law or the tenant can refuse to pay and cannot be evicted out of spite and can even get out their lease due to uninhabitable conditions. HappyTimeHollis: Yeah, but the USA's laws aren't relevant as OP is in Australia. OP can't be evicted in retaliation, but they can evict them if they don't pay their full rent. Also, if they have a pet there without permission, that is grounds for eviction as well. Not sure if that's the case, but if it is then they are SOL. fade2black244: 1. I am aware OP is in Australia, but they have similar laws in place. He could file a notice to remedy breach which gives them 7 days to repair the issue. It's serious because if the A/C isn't fixed, someone could die. 2. Never said he should stop paying rent, he's contractually obligated to do. But he can negotiate the rent to be lower (provided he is in Queensland). The landlord has to repair the A/C... [https://www.rta.qld.gov.au/during-a-tenancy/living-in-the-property/inclusions](https://www.rta.qld.gov.au/during-a-tenancy/living-in-the-property/inclusions) He should check his contract to see if there is a provision in there for breaking his lease or terms for neglect and/or non-livable conditions. 3. Not sure where you got the part about the pet..? HappyTimeHollis: > I am aware OP is in Australia, but they have to have similar laws in the place. Namely, because it gets so hot in Australia that if the A/C isn't fixed, someone could die. We don't. In fact, A/C and heating isn't even required in our state by law! > Never said he should stop paying rent, he's contractually obligated to do. That was in response to you saying "but how has the OP breached his lease?" If OP started not paying their rent in full then they breached the lease. > But he can negotiate the rent to be lower (provided he is in Queensland). They can *attempt* to negotiate it lower. But landlords almost never agree to this. And real estates certainly fight against that as it means they get less commission. > The landlord has to repair the A/C... https://www.rta.qld.gov.au/during-a-tenancy/living-in-the-property/inclusions He should check his contract to see if there is a provision in there for breaking his lease or terms for neglect and/or non-livable conditions. Yes. They should. That is what they should have done instead of threatening to not pay rent. But it is not what they did. > Not sure where you got the part about the pet..? From OP's original post. "[Does] not sit well with me and dogs" and "10 days to remove my dog" reference the pet and the order to remove the pet hints at OP having a pet there that had not been approved by the landlord or real estate.

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NoFuckingTheCake: TIFU adding my number to my mom's group chat Yesterday my mom asked me to show her how to create a WhatsApp group on her phone. Her smartphone is brand new and she's new to smartphones. Her previous phone was only capable of doing the bare minimum when it came to communication and she was happy with that. Well, her old phone died recently and her plan was to go back to the early 2000s and find another bare minimum phone, but I was like fuck that, mother... I'm getting you a proper phone that didn't have an annoying cartridge game ringtone whenever it switched on. I've been teaching my mom how to use her new phone for the past 2 weeks now. She's a slow learner, but she is making progress, which brings me back to the WhatsApp group. I talked her through the process and even showed her how to add someone to the group. I suggested that she add my contact just to demonstrate how simple it was. As soon as she added me to the group, I said well done mom, put my headphones back on, and continued my online gaming session. I must have played for over an hour without checking my phone. When I finally put my controller down, I noticed that I had 28 messages. All in my mom's group. At that moment I realized I never exited my mom's group or showed her how to un-add me. I thought it would be funny to send a message in the group and inform my mom that I forgot to show her how to remove me. I never sent that message. I was too traumatized. It became clear to me that the purpose of the group was for my mom and her friends to share cake ideas. Specific cake ideas. Based on the messages I saw, my mom wanted a cake for my dad's upcoming birthday that looked exactly like her vagina. Not only that, she wanted the cake to be edible and somehow fuckable as well. Like she literally wanted a real penis to at least be able to penetrate the cake without destroying it. One of my mom's friends said that she knew someone who specialized in "erotic cakes" and then asked my mom if she was willing to send that person a picture of her vagina since my mom didn't want a random vagina cake. Before my mom could respond, another friend decided to share an old photo of my young mom and a few other young people who were about to go skinny dipping. Everyone in the photo was naked. My mom was spreading her butt cheeks and mooning the photographer. The person who sent the photo said "I hope you learned to shave over the years before you send that photo." This was like the first 6 or 7 messages in the group. There was a lot more to read, but I had seen too much, so I exited the group as quietly as possible. I have no idea how no one noticed I was there and I don't know if they noticed me leave. My mom isn't acting weird around me, even though I'm being weird as fuck, so I want to believe that I might be in the clear. That being said, I now know what my mom's vagina looked like when she was my age, and I now have nightmares of my soon to be 60 year old dad fucking a vagina cake. TL:DR Showed my mom how to create a WhatsApp group. Used my contact as an example of how to add someone. Forgot to remove my contact or show my mom how to delete me from the group when I was done demonstrating. Ended up seeing my mom and her friends casually sharing ideas for fuckable birthday cakes and a naked photo of my mom. BrownBoiler: Oh my bulletpyton: Professor is that you? Siduron: To shreds you say? glizzterine: Well, how's the cake holding up? DudeNougat: To shreds you say? not_charles_grodin: And OPs mom's vagina? paulyd191: To shreds you say?

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A_Ruse_ter: TIFU by smoking the devil’s lettuce before sex Obligatory not actually today, but about a year and a half ago. This story begins like many others: I (29M) and my then-girlfriend (26F) were in bed about to do the dirty. We had smoked some weed beforehand, which always made both of us extra frisky and inhibition-free. This is what we call foreshadowing. For context, jazz cabbage has always hit me differently. It’s a fine line between relaxed and falling into a time warp where I can’t rely on what I’m seeing or hearing, and controlling my thoughts is extra difficult. I’ve always envied people who can get high and be pretty normal, extra happy, even. I get very much in my head. Also as an aside, my girlfriend wasn’t exactly top heavy, something that weighed on her quite a lot (no pun intended) since she always wished she had more to show with her taller and somewhat boxy frame (think rugby or baseball player). She was also aware that I preferred bustier women given she knew my last few girlfriends were between DD and H cups. Still, I liked her boobs a lot despite the size difference. Back to the story. Things heat up quickly as the devil’s lettuce sets in, sprinting from first to second to third base knowing the home run is right around the corner. In my weed brain, inhibitions be damned, I think of a hypothetical that sounded hot. I say it out loud. “So when are your boobs gonna get bigger?” I may have been zooted, but I could feel the energy downshift. “What?” she replied. I wasn’t done embarrassing myself yet. My brain was determined to justify its thought. “Yeah, your boobs can get bigger. [Insert ex’s name] had big boobs. We just have to get you pregnant.” I was unable to fully comprehend just how upsetting and callous that was. She responded with a shimmy away from me, an understandably upset demeanor, and a “Are you fucking kidding me?” I stared blankly. She explained how hurtful that was, but my dumbass was stonewalled, emphasis on the stoned. I was incapable of responding in a meaningful way, my weed brain now fully confused at the request being denied or how it was a bad idea since it would surely work, right? Needless to say, she went to bed not wanting to try and explain it further. The dirty was not done that night. The next morning, we wake up, and she asks me, “Do you remember what you said last night?” Shaking my head, she fills me in on the details. I was absolutely mortified. I thought that the entire conversation was in my head since I would never ask that. A strong cocktail of disgusted and ashamed is what I swallowed at that moment, splashing deep down as she looked back at me matter-of-factly. I couldn’t believe I put her through that. Miraculously, she somehow forgave me. We would break up months later for something entirely unrelated, and actually quite amicably given we are still good friends and continue to do the dirty, but that will always be a reminder for me to go VERY easy on the weed to avoid my deepest thoughts from going full-on “The Mask” a la Jim Carrey. TL;DR got high before sex with smaller-chested girlfriend, asked when they would get bigger because exes were busty, making an outright ass of myself without fully knowing the scale of it until the next morning. djuice03: So you blame weed for just being a dick? A_Ruse_ter: It had a hand in it, absolutely. I wouldn’t have said that if I weren’t high. Not in a million years. Was it a thought? Sure was, that’s why I said it. Would I have said it sober? Absolutely not. Slavocracy: The part you're not getting is the fact you THINK like that is fucked up. You're demented bro. A_Ruse_ter: Have you never wished something to be different about your partner? Ever? Or have you just never had a partner? Nobody is perfect, including the person you’re with, and people have wants. I happened to smoke enough to where I didn’t care if I asked about one of those wants. Given I posted this in a subreddit for fuckups, I fully recognize this as a fuckup, and I apologized profusely that morning to her. But saying I’m demented is fucking stupid. Full stop. I honestly don’t give a flying fuck about how this is received, it’s a fucking dumb sentiment to be chastised for voicing something you only had thoughts about, but voiced because you were in a different mental state due to drugs. Slavocracy: It's the "we can get you pregnant" thing that is the main concern. And no, I have never wished something like that about my partners. I'm not that shallow. A_Ruse_ter: That was easily the dumbest fuckup for me. I admit it. But you’ve not lived long enough if you’ve never wished anything differently about your partner. You’re not living in the real world if you’ve said that. Slavocracy: I'm selective with who I'm with. Sure, I'm single a lot, but when I'm in a relationship they last. Edit: and no not about their looks, personality so I am so enamored by them I don't think shit like that. A_Ruse_ter: Each relationship I’ve been in has lasted at least a year, and I’ve also been very selective. You can get off your high horse any day.

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legendariel: TIFU by once again having no sense of direction I accepted an invitation to hit the gym last night with a buddy of mine and left the house with my phone being pretty low on battery. And I know damn well that I have no sense of direction. The gym is about 30 minutes from home and I'm not terribly familiar with the city. Additionally I'm the kind of person who can lose their car in a parking lot. As my mom would say, I'd lose my head if it wasn't firmly attached. However I did make sure to grab a brick and cable on my way out the door, the foresight! Did I plug my phone into any of the readily available outlets at the gym? Sure the fuck didn't. Did I ask to plug in at the restaurant afterward? Nope. Was my phone completely dead by the time I got in my car ostensibly to make my way home? Yes, yes it was. And with the confidence that can only be felt by the biggest of idiots, I just knew that if I picked a direction that I think I had come from, surely I'd stumble across a familiar highway and could get my bearings from there. I am an adult woman who is trusted to have a driver's license, this isn't rocket science. I drove around for a couple hours not seeing anything remotely recognizable. All the highways seemed to have vacated the state. I ended up finally admitting defeat and asked a gas station clerk if I could please plug in for just a couple minutes because I had run out of gas in my car anyway, and at this point I knew my husband had to be worried about me. Worried he was. He was vaguely aware that I had plans to work out with this friend, called that friend's job to see if he was there or knew where I was, got a chance to talk to him who was like "yeah we worked out and got a bite to eat but I haven't seen her since." Checked the credit card transaction and drove out to the last place I'd used it, called the police and got transferred between counties to file a missing person's report. I finally called him right about the time the sheriff showed up to our place. I'm fine. I'm not another missing or murdered indigenous woman. I am just painfully fucking stupid. I am sorry. TL;DR keep your chin up because there's no way you're dumber than me. Neon_Camouflage: >Checked the credit card transaction and drove out to the last place I'd used it, called the police and got transferred between counties to file a missing person's report. Holy hell how long were you gone legendariel: Well we met up at the gym around 7pm and I was able to text my husband at about 11:30pm. I am very stubborn and was very sure that eventually I would see something familiar. He got home from work at 930 or so and gave me a grace period before taking steps to ensure my safety. I think he likes me. OffusMax: Don’t you have a charging Jack and cable for your phone in your car? I live and die on the one in my car. And if your car is too old to have a USB Jack in it, you can get converters that plug into the cigarette lighter. And they’re cheap, you can pick them up at a gas station legendariel: The wiring is fucked because of the careless way they yanked the electronics out when they decommissioned it as a cop car, so that outlet has no power. I installed a new stereo but it doesn't have a jack to charge anything. Jak_n_Dax: Sounds like it might be worth the investment to get that outlet fixed, if this post is any indication…

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Gullible_Ad_69: TIFU by telling my crush I like him.TIFU by telling my crush I like him. [removed] qinetics: I miss high school Gullible_Ad_69: when I get out of high school I'm not going to miss it qinetics: What you’re experiencing is classic teen angst in the midst of high school culture. Enjoy your feelings whether its sad or happy. It will end soon.

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Weirdest_chevy_guy: TIFU By riding a motorcycle in the rain Title seems normal. But this story is far from it. I'm typing this 3 hours after the shitshow I had. And I'm laughing at my own stupidity. It was raining at my area and I decided to get some more skill riding In the rain. It's good to practice and fun In some cases. So I'm all dressed up and I fire up my bike. I make it about 1/2 mile down the road and it starts pouring. I'm doing 25 in a 35 because of how hard it's coming down. Some asshat in his lifted ram 1500 was upset I was doing 10 under and was blaring his horn. We reach a stop light and I look back and throw my arms in the air as in "What the fuck do you want?" He looks pissed and as soon as the light turns green his is riding my ass, I realize he was about 3 feet from my bike and i nearly pissed myself. I blare my horn and I (stupidly) twisted the throttle a little too hard. Yep my back tire lost grip and my engine almost grenades. I start power sliding and I eventually stop on the curb just barely up right. The ass in the ram sped by and I was pissed. I throw my bike into second, rev it up and dumped the clutch. Somehow without stalling I get dry pavement but a tiny bit of wheelspin and catch up to the driver of the ram. A mile later he was in the gas station with what it looked like his 6yr kid. I back off and head home just to avoid conflict only to realize. When my tires slipped and I nearly dropped it. I might have pissed myself a tiny bit. TL:DR for the people. I rode a motorcycle in the rain, got in a road rage incident. And ended up pissing myself a tiny bit. The bike was totally fine. But now I know what not to do! That little 500 was sketchy GlenJman: So the fuck up was... Road rage. On your part mostly? Weirdest_chevy_guy: It would have been, but when I saw the kid. I backed off because making a big deal with a father and a kid. Isn't the greatest image I had no intentions to go out on the road and be a moron, I was trying to take a ride and hopefully get better. Ninjazoule: But why did you follow him lol Weirdest_chevy_guy: Plate number, (none were found) picture of the guy and the truck to make a police report.

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Present_Description4: TIFU, by playing with my house mates toys So for Christmas my house mate was give a giant dildo as a gag gift, it is like the size of my arm and I’m a fully grown adult man. I think it is the greatest thing ever, I have pulled it out at every house party we have had since. It also comes equipped with suction cup base. ​ a spirited argument between my friends who are engineers erupted, would the suction cup hold the weight of the magnificent dildo. at this point everyone in the room became engrossed it the debate. so I grabbed it and rammed it onto the fridge as hard as possible. and it stuck. Everyone cheered and we had a drink. then we had more drinks and more drinks. ​ So this morning I wake up dusty, and I go to get like some water, ibuprofen and a borocca. as I enter the kitchen, the next thing I know I am on the floor. I'm staring up at a solid 2ft of silicon bobbing up and down above me. turns out the suction held all night and even after I collided with the large intruder. so I have just done the old cockslap coat hanger. I said “where the fuck did that come from” and instantly remembered that I was in fact the master mind. so now not only do I have a bruised ego I have a bruised eye ​ TL;DR I put a giant dildo on the fridge forgot got drunk and now sober walked straight into it. ArcadeCrossfire: I was very prepared for this to go in a completely different direction, so this was actually quite pleasant to read, thanks for that phunkydroid: By the end of the first paragraph I was fully expecting another dildo forehead hickey story. ArcadeCrossfire: And maybe a hospital visit for good measure auntbealovesyou: I fell backwards onto it, doctor. ArcadeCrossfire: My ass naturally produces copious amounts lube I swear

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BigoofingSad: Tifu by tipping over a pallet of beer cans. This actually happened last night in the middle of my shift. The shift had started out pretty normal, I got my forklift, relieved the previous shift, and kept up with the production team. As the hours went on, I started to get pretty hungry. Especially since I've been living off of Ramen for the past week or so. I've been kind of broke since moving to the area, but a guy's gotta eat. Anyway I had some money to get something from the restaurant attached to where I work. I admit I got distracted by the thought of eating something other than noodles. So when the production slowed down, I went and picked up my food and came back to my lift. I took the time to catch up on some little things so I would have time to enjoy the food I was eating, and this is where the fuck up begins. I usually stage three pallets of empty cans near where the line begins, so I have them ready to go. I was down to one pallet, so I decided to get more. Well, in my haste, instead of grabbing the pallet on top, I grabbed the one on the bottom, and unknowingly started heading towards a short door with what is essentially a 16 foot stack of cans. When I hit the door, time slowed as I looked back, and saw thousands of cans crash into the floor, echoing through the area. All I could really do was shake my head, and start to clean up. This was all because my mind was clouded by the thought of food, and rushing to eat that food. Thankfully, the production team is a great set of guys and we cleaned up however many thousands of cans that were spilled, and I did eventually eat my sandwich. Which was overcooked, and cold by the time I ate it. Tl;dr Dropped thousands of cans because I was distracted by thoughts of food, and was rushing to eat something that was actually pretty mid. RaHarmakis: Seeing a pallet of empties hit the floor is the second worst thing...... If it makes you feel better I had a pallet of 100 flats of filled beer collapse on me while moving them. That was brutal. BigoofingSad: Sounds like it, I haven't dropped any finished product, glass, or kegs. But I sure as hell don't want to. They've already started calling me can man, and I'd like to stop it right there lol RaHarmakis: Haha upside for me is I'm the only Brewer in my shop, so no one to give me nicknames lol BigoofingSad: Unfortunately for me, I work in a big brewery. While I'm the only person who works with the production team, the whole distribution department knows as well haha. RaHarmakis: Plan B: Sprint naked through the brewery, so your new nickname is The Flash, or the Streak! BigoofingSad: Something that made me feel a little better about it, was during my meeting with my bosses about the incident. They told me how it happens to everyone, and that I'm still the most competent driver on the team. While it made me feel better, when I thought about the 1st and 3rd shift drivers, I realized that, that might not be super high praise lol. RaHarmakis: Ha! Don't over think it lol

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realdummyshit: TIFU by getting too weird with sounding and narrowly escaping an embarassing trip to the ER (NSFW) [removed] postedUpOnTheBlock: How do you even come up with some wack bs like this? Is this like the new AI art, but with short stories? Edit: yea they weren’t lying. I was unfortunately blessed with proof. I asked, it wasn’t unsolicited lol realdummyshit: I will literally send you pictures if you want im not making this up lol postedUpOnTheBlock: …I’m down. Send some freaky mtf/ftm shit. realdummyshit: sent in chat, vouch for me that I'm not lying lmao postedUpOnTheBlock: Yeah you’re def not lying. Wtf

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Curious_Ad3766: TIFU by kissing a colleague at a work party who turned out to be younger [removed] McWalking_Episode: Youre 21, and hes 18, 19, 20? Or 21? You are the same age. Curious_Ad3766: He’s 18/19. I would very very lucky if he is 20 that is unlikely though. I am 21. I see a lot of people saying it’s problematic for people in their 20s to do anything with teenagers that’s why I am freaking out JuicySmoillet: You're barely jn your twenties and they are almost as well. you're fine Curious_Ad3766: Thank you! Although I don’t fully understand why my comment is being downvoted- is it because people are hating me for kissing someone who is potentially just 18 or people they think I am an idiot for being worried about it? IamAJediMaster: The second part. This is no big deal and you're making it seem like you raped him. You're completely fine. The only thing that is even in question is DONT HOOK UP WITH PEOPLE AT WORK/FROM WORK! Don't shit where you eat basically. Curious_Ad3766: Yeah honestly I have learnt this the hard way already. After being dumped by my ex, I should have known better, I realised doing anything with anyone at your workplace is a shit idea and I promised myself never to so yeah that’s also a reason why I feel really annoyed at myself for kissing that guy but I was quite drunk, logic was out of the window. So yeah I guess my inner hatred is more at myself for repeating the same mistake twice IamAJediMaster: Gotta make mistakes to learn, best way imo. I wouldn't worry about the hate, it's just reddit karma, it's useless. Just definitely don't hook up with work people, it's just bad news most of the time and can ruin both of y'all's lives depending on the job, Like a CEO/secretary.

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PuzzledBasket78: TIFU By not asking her more questions I tend to tell long stories, so I'll shorten this down a bit for the sake of not giving you guys a multi-book novel to read. A long-time female friend and co-worker (April) invited me to go to a salsa class with her back in August. We do a lot of things together, so I said I'd go. We went to a few classes, but one night she had to bail out at the last minute. I still went to the dancing class, partnered up with a woman named Sade and had drinks with her following the class. We both had drinks at the bar before going out separate ways. A week later in the next class April meets Sade and April makes it clear that me and her are just friends. I invite them both out to drinks, the 2 girls agree before going to the ladies room at the dancing class. Upon returning April states she got a text from a guy she hooks up with and isn't going to have drinks with us, so me and Sade are setup to get drinks together again. When we get to the bar, Sade notices that the drink prices are a bit high and says we should just buy a bottle and head to my place and chat there. Now it's worth noting that until this point, I thought Sade simply wanted company and an ear to chat with, nothing else. We drive to a liquor store to grab our drink of choice before heading to my place. Honestly at this point I think I'm going to get lucky just as I think she wants to talk to my without a waiter bothering us or other customers making it difficult to hear each other. Immediately when we get into my place, her heels come off and she starts talking a mile a minute. I immediately think to myself that I'm not getting lucky. I make up drinks and join her on the couch and --- well honestly mostly listen to her talk while occasionally refilling her drink and saying "mhm". From what I gathered, she's dating some guy, her mother is a cat lady, she refuses to watch the last season of Lost (tv show), among many other things. It felt like hours into her monologue that she said "So you and April are just friend huh?" Now I'll be honest, there was a long pause as I wasn't sure if it was my turn to talk nor did I know how we got to that part of the conversation. After probably 30-seconds of silence, I said "Yeah I've known her for about 22 years now." Truth be told, I'd shot my shot more times than I could count but only got as far as a few drunken handsy make-out sessions before being firmly planted in the friend zone. How deep into the friend zone am I? Well April gave me a gift for Christmas that said "To my straight gay friend". Yeah, there's no coming back from that. So I confirm that me and April are just friends. Without thinking my mouth kept moving and said "ya know, if you weren't dating someone I'd have made a move by now". This was apparently the green light as Sade took it upon herself to make the first move. After a bit of the horizontal dance, we get dressed and finally this girl is quiet. Well not quiet, but talking a hell of a lot less. We clean up a bit and after saying good-bye she leaves. A week later Sade is not in class so me and April partner up. Now April knows fully what happened because apparently her and Sade have been texting. A week after than Sade is back in the class. We greet each other and April pushes me to partner with her and I do and things go well. After class we skip the drinks and go right to my place. Now I'll be honest, the first time we had sex was pretty vanilla - missionary and cowgirl. This second time was still vanilla but a few more positions were had along with a snack break in between. As we conclude things I ask if this is going to be a weekly thing, and she tell me no because she's free tomorrow. Immediately I think about the guy she's dating and stupid ask about that situation. She tells me it's not serious yet and that he's always busy anyway. We'd hook up a few times a week each time doing more and more until vanilla sex slowly became evolved into chocolate sex. We'd surpassed the typical things that I'd only really seen in porn films. At one point I remember attempting triple penetration with the help of her toy and a frozen breakfast sausage. Side story time. I'm pretty cool with my boss Bobby. He's in in his late 40s and honestly not too bad of a guy, but is definitely a workaholic. We're guys with a construction background, so lewd talk doesn't phase us. Over the past month I ended up telling him about my adventures with Sade, though mostly told him the dirty things she'd done to me or that I'd done to her. I'd purposely selectively exclude the things she's done to me. So every week or so Bobby would encounter me when I was alone and ask for updates. Now it's worth noting that Bobby's wife was apparently not very adventurous in the bedroom. In his words, his wife would rather tug him than give him head even for a moment and they only had penetrative sex a couple times a month at best. So in his head, he was living vicariously through me. So back to the story, this morning it unexpectedly rained hard and Bobby ended up being drenched. So he called his wife to bring him a change of clothes. Friday mornings are busy so he couldn't just leave and go home. A few minutes later April finds me and says that Sade is at our office. I was confused. While I told Sade what type of work I did, I never said where. So I figured it was a coincidence, so in the scheme of things I wasn't phased as the only people who knew about me and Sade was April and Bobby, and Bobby didn't even know her by name. But down the hallways I heard her and Bobby talking and having a conversation you wouldn't have with someone you'd just me. As i peeked my head around the corner, I saw Sade and Bobby give each other a peck before Sade notices my head peeking around the corner. She immediately leaves and Bobby is a bit confused but brushes it off. I look over at April who has a semi-concerned look on her face and immediately it hits me. Sade is Bobby's wife. In the 3 almost 4 months of us hooking up, it had always been at my place and it never occurred to me to ask about the guy she's been "dating". We're supposed to meet up tonight but honestly I'm not sure if she'll show and if she does I figure it's going to be a fairly awkward conversation. ​ TLDR ; I've been unknowingly having very raunchy sex with my boss's wife, while he barely gets anything out of her. cherryphoenix: No way this is true. No way a woman would shove breakfast sausage in her privates dramatic-pancake: Aye, can we talk about the breakfast sausage? What in the actual? DannkHippo: Well, they didn't say what was in each hole. The sausage. The toy. And the dick.... in thinking dick in the vagina. Toy in the ass.. and by proxy, the sausage in the mouth.. Which i mean.. was it a cooked sausage.. we'll never know.. Cuz if it wasn't, yeah. Bad news bears right there Taronz: Said Frozen, I'm gonna go for the sausage in her poop chute. HolyVeggie: Cook sausage -> freeze Taronz: Nah definitely frozen, if it's a hot day at least. 36C where I am today, frozen is certainly better... HolyVeggie: No I mean they wanted to know if the sausage was cooked or raw BEFORE being frozen haha Taronz: Ooooh, then yeah, fairly sure they get at least partially cooked before being frozen.

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FlamingDragonQueen: TIFU by being caught in my BF's room by his aunt So my BF had to go drop someone off at work and I was already at his place, so he said, just stay here and I'll come back and spend time and I was cool with that because I had some work to do anyway. He told me that if his cousins come in, say "BF's name is coming back soon" I was scrolling reddit - as one does - when suddenly I hear the door open, and theres this grown lady just staring at me, and her face is one of polite concern when I know in her head she's probably thinking "who in god's green earth is in my house -" and she said "Hi" I, at this point, totally clammed up. My head was empty. I hadn't felt this dumb since I sat my midterms. All I could come up with to say to this clearly concerned woman was "BF's name is coming back soon.". I sat up and said it very politely . You could hear a pin drop in the ensuing silence. No "hi". No "how are you." . At the time of entrance, I was facing away from the door, so she could see me scrolling reddit and my bum before seeing my face. So I'm sure I didn't give a great first look. Her face morphed from concern to confusion, and she politely said "okay" and shut the door. At this point, I am dying of embarrassment. I was supposed to go dark - fly under the radar, so to speak. I frantically text my BF paragraphs on paragraphs, while he sends back laughing emojis. I cannot believe that the second time at the house, I met his AUNT. Now I'm jumping at every little sound that could possibly be near the door, and combing my hair frantically. I'm sure I didn't make a good impression. FML. ​ TL;DR : My boyfriends Aunt came into the room while I was scrolling reddit and looking like a bum, I clammed up and said dumb things. survival-nut: As long as you were not performing an Amber Heard on his pillow, you should be good. Any-Life9192: Why would she be getting beat up? The bf was not there survival-nut: Amber Heard admitted to pooping on the marital bed she shared with Johnny Depp. I was jokingly referring to this celebrity incident. As long as she was not defecating on he BF pillow, she should be able get thru this awkward family encounter without too much difficulty. [Amber Heard Said Poop in Bed with Johnny Depp Was 'Joke': Guard (people.com)](https://people.com/movies/amber-heard-said-poop-in-bed-johnny-depp-practical-joke-guard-testifies-defamation-trial/)

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[deleted]: TIFU by nearly getting an image of my vagina printed on a cake in front of an employee [removed] brigids_fire: How is this the second "vagina on a cake story" that i have seen today on tifu? Haha collimat: If I had a nickel for every vagina on cake story I've seen today, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. zakur2000: Vulva cakes, technically. A vagina cake would just be a swiss roll. /pedant Potato4: It’s only vagina if it’s from the vagina region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling vulva. Aardv324: u/Potato4 😂 I want to be your best friend pn1159: why, do you also have a sparkling vulva Aardv324: I cannot confirm or deny this statement. 

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qtq_uwu: TIFU by Clowning on the City Council Obligatory this-didn't-happen-today. This was about 2 months ago now. I'm in college and have gotten really into urban design and city planning of late. As such, I'm involved in a club at my college that fights for improvements to walkability and transit near the university. Part of the work the club does is advocate for mixed-use developments in the area. Recently, there was a zoning change request of land immediately off campus, from an office zone to mixed use, in order to accommodate a planned mixed-use development. This was the third time the developer had filed it, so the club identified it as important to advocate for, as it would likely be rejected. So, there was a huge push for club members to show up and support this project at the city council. In fact, the president said, "if you show up to city council only once, let this be the time" (or something of the sort; it was 2 months ago). So, of course, I showed up. I had never been to a city council meeting before, so I wasn't really sure what to expect, but I really wanted to help make positive change in my community. I had to skip one of my classes to come, but I figured I could just catch up with the lecture notes posted online anyway, where I couldn't make up attending the meeting. I showed up to the city council meeting a few minutes before it started. I was one of the last people there, so I sat in the back of the peanut gallery; enough people from the school had showed up that it was pretty full. I greeted the girl I was sitting next to, who was clearly also a student. Turned out she was the vice president of the student government! She was really nice despite me being incredibly awkward socially. When the meeting starts, I turn my phone to silent and put it away. I didn't want a call to interrupt the meeting (especially since it'd probably just be spam anyway). If you've ever been to a city council meeting you'll know that it's very long and very boring - and that's coming from someone who cares about the things they're talking about. The item I came to help advocate for was pretty much at the end of the agenda, so I had to sit through the entire meeting. The person sitting next to me (not the city council president, but the other person) pulled their phone out, but I kept mine put away still. When the item comes up, however, I decided to pull it out for one reason - the club has a discord server, and I figured the other students may be talking about what was happening. Sure enough they were - discussing what they thought of what council members were saying, discussing what the people who were going to speak during the public comments section should say, and other comments about what was going on. I added my thoughts into the discussion. Here is the fuckup: my girlfriend, who was at home, sent me something on Twitter, and I figured I would open it and see it. I had turned my phone to silent, so nobody would care the difference between me having my phone out to comment on the meeting versus checking Twitter, right? Well, I see what she sent me and exit onto the timeline. Turns out the last thing I was doing on Twitter was watching a video. It was a meme - the image of the office worker at a cubicle dressed as a clown - with circus music playing. My phone starts autoplaying it - and it's not silent. This gets a few heads turned at me - the people immediately around me. I thought my phone was on silent so I panic, and instead of turning my phone \*off\* I try to turn the volume down to zero. Well, I hit the wrong button and turned my volume all the way up. Everyone in the audience turns and looks at me with horrified expressions. Eventually I wise up and turn my phone off - all the way off - and sit there, horribly embarrassed. The girl sitting next to me tells me to be more careful. I thought I had turned my phone to silent, and I realized after that I did. So why was it not on silent? Remember how I said I skipped class to attend the meeting? Well, I have a routine on my phone that puts my phone to silent when class starts and turns it off of silent after it ends. The routine didn't know I didn't go to class, so it still turned my phone off of silent when class ended. I sat there for a few more minutes in the most painful embarrassment I have ever experienced. I didn't want to leave because I was worried that would be disruptive, but after a while I couldn't take it anymore and excused myself to the car where I cried it out. I thought I would never get over it, but after a few weeks I realize that at least it's a funny story to tell. Oh, and by the way? City council meetings are recorded for public record. My FU is now public record. So there's that. TL;DR: thought my phone was muted. It wasn't. Ended up playing circus music at full blast in front of the city council. jenoackles: Sooooooo…did they at least approve of the mixed used development thing? qtq_uwu: They did, though they had to revisit it at another meeting due to disagreements on the specifics jenoackles: Silver lining I guess?

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Yozhur: TIFU by not thinking things through before acting. [removed] AcrobaticSource3: > after I came out of sauna We’re you dressed? Yozhur: Yes, fortunately

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simonduarte: TIFU by showing my private bits [removed] HelpMeWithCreditPls: don’t SA people you fucking dingus. simonduarte: Dude dont even throw that at me without knowing our relationship. It has nothing to do with sa Adventurous_Lock_951: fr these people are weird just ignore them man.

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Disastrous-Run5142: TIFU by telling off a pregnant swinger This didn't happen today, it occured mid-2022, but it's still something that keeps me awake at night. Redditors, before I start, I just want to preface with the fact that I am well aware that I am the royal asshole in this story. Not just your everyday average Joe asshole, but the unsweaty Prince Andrew sphincter level asshole. So no need to lambast me with your judgement on that aspect. Anyway. I grew up being best friends with a guy named John, and when he moved to a different city in our teens, we still kept in touch. Fast forward to our late 20s and John has married Jane in a cute little ceremony and on the surface they are the epitome of a loving couple. Deeper down, they're still very much a loving couple, but they're also avid swingers and very open about it. Not my cup of tea, but hey, whatever floats your boat. About two years ago, I met my wonderful girlfriend Anna online. She lived pretty far away, but we were both willing to put in that extra effort for a long distance relationship, with the aim of living together in the same area as soon as we could. And as luck would have it, we both managed to find decent jobs in the same city and it was even luckier that I'd now be in the same city as John. The downside was that we were moving to a city with one of the worst rental markets known to man, and it was nearly impossible to find anything decent. Upon hearing about my struggles with god awful property managers and dodgy land-bastards, John and Jane generously offered to house us for a couple of weeks so that we could get our footing and not have to settle for an overpriced hovel. So Anna and I moved in, and it was so good just to be physically close to her. But here is my first f-up in the great big avalanche of f-ups. I didn't tell Anna that John and Jane were swingers. It's not like Anna is a prude or anything, but it turns out she didn't really like talking about hers or others' sex lives. And boy was Jane open about theirs. It really blindsided Anna. Anna never showed any obvious discomfort around them when this topic came up, but she would complain about it to me. I tried to keep the peace by telling her that this was only temporary and that her interactions with Jane would be limited in the future. That was f-up number two. We eventually found a place of our own, and everybody moved on with their lives. John and Jane decided it was the right time to start a family, and early last year Jane fell pregnant with their first child. We were all very excited for them. One of our mutual friends threw them a baby shower mid last year and both Anna and I were invited. It was nice to catch up with everyone, especially after so much distance caused by Covid. We ate, drank, played games, and chit chatted. At one point, somebody asked Jane if they were still swinging given the pregnancy. Jane went on to explain how they approached the pregnancy and what their plans were after the birth. I won't go into details because it's not my place to share, but suffice to say it was pretty personal. Halfway through Jane talking, Anna quietly turned to leave the conversation. I found her later by herself and asked her if everything was ok, and she said that Jane talking made her uncomfortable and just brought up all those early weeks of living with them. I honestly don't know why my brain decided it was a good idea to do this, but all I could think about was how upset Anna looked and wanting to fix it, so I walked over to Jane and, in front of John, told her that she really needed to tone down the personal stuff because nobody wanted to hear about her sex life. That if she wasn't so self absorbed, she would have seen how uncomfortable it made people, and how she completely missed Anna walking away because of her inappropriateness and that she needed to apologise to Anna. I finished my rant and for a brief second, I really thought I was doing something gallant for my girlfrient. Jane was silent for a bit before she said "of course" and went off to find Anna. John looked at me with an expressionless face and only said "not cool, man" before walking away. On the way home, Anna was quiet. I tried to ask her what she and Jane talked about and she just said that Jane apologised and gave her a bit more context to the situation. I had no idea what that meant and she didn't elaborate. I tried to reach out to John that night to clear the air, but he simply responded that both he and Jane would like me to keep my distance for a while. Ok yeah, I shouldn't have told off a pregnant lady at her baby shower, but this felt like a harsh response for someone who you've been best friends with for decades. The f-up avalanche finally hit me the next morning. Over breakfast, Anna sat me down and asked if she could go through my chats with Jane together. I was confused but said yes, and opened up my phone. She scrolled up to a timestamp that was just before we landed in the city and asked me to read it. It was a message from Jane asking me if Anna and I were all set for move-in day, and if there were any topics that were off-limits for Anna as she didn't know Anna that well and didn't want to put her foot in it. I replied with "don't think so". Jane followed up with asking if Anna was aware that they were swingers and if it was ok to talk about it openly. My response was "yeah sure, as long as you don't ask her to join in!". I suck, Reddit. I really suck. TLDR: I was an asshole to my girlfriend, my best friend, and his pregnant wife. Peacewalken: Are you children or something? You guys bottle this up and then it explodes and now your the bad guy. It's not hard to pull JOHN aside, since he's your friend and be like "hey bro, can you ask Jane to tone it down with the sex stuff, it makes Anna uncomfortable" boom done. Your homie will explain it to her better than you ever could. Don't be talking to your buddy's girl like that man, its disrespectful 4_Legged_Duck: Perfect advice. Avoid talking to the woman, talk to the man to encourage the woman how to behave. Even though Jane and OP had direct convos about this sort of stuff before (as seen in text). Everyone will respect OP more for being indirect. No embarrassment, no offense. 10/10 Peacewalken: You obviously don't understand the dynamic between two men in relationships. It's overstepping to ask that of Jane. Jane is not his friend. Jane is John's wife. It's not being indirect its being respectful to John. 4_Legged_Duck: Jibbers Crabts. You should just change your username to "Misogynist." Jane and OP already spoke about this sort of thing, if OP talks to John he's disrespecting Jane. You obviously don't understand the dynamic between two people in friendships. Peacewalken: LOL misogynist. Keep seething buddy. You obviously don't understand male relationships. Enjoy your group of single friends I guess, cause all of yall will sabotage each other's relationships. 4_Legged_Duck: Sure!

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gassy_guy308: TIFU, best friend, officers wife and sergeant majors daughter [UPDATE] [removed] Malevolent_Mangoes: Not sure why the guy got mad at your friend and not his wife. Your friend is just an innocent caught up in the wife’s cheating and lying manipulation. YoggyYog: He definitely isn’t innocent, when he brags about what he does with the multiple relatives of his superiors. He’s an arsehole who fucked around and found out. Karate_Ruben: Found the sergeant-major

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Creative-Rest-3799: TIFU by trying to make my own homemade cheese So, I've been trying to eat healthier and save money by cooking my own meals at home. I thought I would try my hand at making my own cheese. I mean, how hard could it be, right? Well, let me tell you, it was a disaster. I followed a recipe I found online and mixed together some milk, vinegar, and salt. I left it to sit for a while, and it looked like it was starting to curdle. I was so excited! I drained off the whey and put the curds in a cheesecloth to press out the excess liquid. That's when things started to go wrong. The cheesecloth broke and the curds went everywhere. My kitchen looked like a crime scene. And the smell! Oh my god, the smell was terrible. I ended up having to throw everything away and it took me hours to clean up the mess. TL;DR: Tried to make my own homemade cheese, ended up creating a disaster in the kitchen and had to throw everything away. Lesson learned: just buy cheese from the store. 1911punisher: Nice try Kraft. You can't stop the little guys from making homemade cheese that easily. tchansen: Lol! Iamapartofthisworld: Big Cheese is always trying stuff like this. We are on to your tricks, like when Big Geology tried to tell us drinking lava is bad.

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Asteaband: TIFU By doxing a content creator This happened last night: I was watching one of my favorite streamers, they were going to be hosting a server for a game. Playing said game with a community would be amazing and was planning to join in. In order to do so you also have to be in the discord. Easy, I had checked out the discord a long time ago but left. I join and you have to read rules and find the password in it, pretty common. Now since I've already been in the server I couldn't find where to reenter it. As I am bumbling around with that the music stops. The streamer had been setting up the server in a afk/brb screen to hide personal info. I heard the music stop, so I pulled up the stream and see someone in chat say "clip". Oh that is smart just rewatch the last 30seconds to see what happened! So another tab opens I move it to another window and I look back over to the twitch chat and see that I've been banned. I am stunned and confused. The streamer is talking again and is explaining that an asshole recorded the personal information. "I can't believe an asshole would do that" (Me nodding along, yeah that is fucked up. Who would do that?) This is when the streamer said my name... WHAT?!? I didn't. OH I am that asshole... This is where I learn that clips auto save/upload even if you exit out of the tab, even if you don't hit that big Publish button. I hadn't even looked at the clip yet. That neat feature that lets you replay the last 30seconds or so feature also uploads it every time. I did go to my clips, and delete everything in there. Didn't even know that all the clips I've "Made" had their own place. Wasn't easy for me to find either, thank you google for leading me. This is where I tell my friends who I've been in discord with what happened. "Just clip it" will be the joke that I have to live with from now on. PSA: Just hitting "Clip" on twitch even if you do nothing else records whatever was in a rough 30 seconds. without hitting publish or even if you exit out instantly. TL;DR: I hit the clip button, unknowingly recording personal information of a streamer. Resulting in getting banned from an amazing stream and community. [deleted]: Mmm sounds like you met your hero bud. Never meet your heroes. That twitch streamer is a dunce, you didn’t “dox” them. If the streaming service they use put any public info out that’s the streaming service’s fault, not yours. Asteaband: I get where the streamer was coming from though. It looks really bad, that someone records your personal information. Being the internet we all jump to the worst conclusions first. Honestly I feel bad for making someone worry or fear for themselves/loved ones. I don't think they made the wrong decision.

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Jjudeau: TIFU by accidentally exposing two club members to an inappropriate pic [removed] Darryl_Lict: Hasn't anyone heard of encryption and a password? Kids these days, do we have to do everything for you? Kanakyu: Yes please tell me how to do this bc i don't know and would like to know Darryl_Lict: I use a free app like WinZip which compresses multiple directories into a single encrypted file that is password protected. It's virtually impossible to break and then you can hide the file or directory itself using the operating system. Most normal people won't be aware of how to look for the hidden directory, and since it is password protected, you will almost never inadvertently show the file to the wrong person. Even if someone sees the zipped file and wants to know what's in it, you can just claim that you forgot the password. [https://www.winzip.com/](https://www.winzip.com/)

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RVNKNP: TIFU by deleting a 3 year long project Around a year ago me and a buddy started working on a Sci-Fi ttrpg, we had all the systems planned out and written down in a document and, well, I was deleting old accounts that I wasn't using anymore and we hadn't been working on the ttrpg for a while anymore so I didn't bother to check what account it was under assuming it was under my main google account. Today me and that friend decided to start up work on it again, it was then that I realized that it wasn't saved on any of my current accounts and now all our work is set back to around a month after we began... F-ing lovely. So now the two of us are back to racking our brains about what the hell we had made and trying to rebuild it from the ground up... at least the project isn't dead. ​ TL;DR I deleted 3 years of progress on a ttrpg me and a friend had made without realizing. edit: My friend made a back-up on a random USB he had that he just found while we were putting together scraps we had from other places, still lost some progress, but at thank god he came in clutch to my fuck up. GrumpyCat79: I'd say TYFU because you didn't have backups of your important data, not because you deleted an account. Loosing data happens everyday (getting your laptop stolen, having a hard drive fail, getting locked out of your accounts, etc) Moral of the story: **ALWAYS** have backup**s** of any important data RVNKNP: My buddy made a back-up, he JUST found it, just like him to come in clutch last moment when I fuck-up, I now owe him a beer. GrumpyCat79: That's nice! It's still a good time to start backing up important stuff :) RVNKNP: Yeah, the two of us are gonna be putting it onto a few different places including our accounts and downloaded onto our devices as well as on a few flash drives. now I have intense paranoia of it somehow still going wrong though.

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rbulling: TIFU by accidentally making a bad joke So today I was writing an essay on immigration for my high school history class. I’m super behind in all my high school classes, and I struggle a lot in a school and am intelligent in some ways, others I am just a complete idiot. For example if you gave me a map of the US I probably couldn’t accurately name where all the states are. I was really struggling on this essay. I had been working for hours, it was taking me a lot longer then it should. So mid essay; I thought I had an aha moment when I thought that the word immigrant was a mixture of the words illegal and migrant. So I have this Snapchat story with like 10 friends on it and it’s kinda like a spam basically I just put random shit on there. I put the fact that I had just figured it out on that snap story and said “clever huh”. Turns out that’s not what it means at all. And what I said can be seen as quite offensive. Most of the people on that story I’m pretty close with, and they know I’m really stupid and a lot slower than most people. One girl in my friend group swiped up and said that what I said was really bad. Not to mention the fact that everyone thinks I’m some huge racist, I literally have no idea why, I have an American flag in my room and I drive a diesal truck, and I live in a super liberal area so I guess people can assume. TLDR; TIFU by posting something that can be seen as offensive when in reality I thought I was just realizing something. robindonne: We have to get used to living on a planet where half the population is on the verge of snapping all the time. They wake up miserable and go to sleep even more miserable than they woke up. I dont pay attention to these people. Its like walking past a terrain where suddenly a dog jumps in the fence and barks for half an hour for no reason. rbulling: Yeah, I mean would you have seen what I said as like bad? Or would someone have to think deeply to? NeitherBox6915: It's not that what you said is just horrible, it's that most people who say something like that are pretty racist. After something like that happens it becomes a bit about no man's land. Because everybody starts to recognize that only the racists are saying something like that for the most part. Because that already happened, now it's even extra weird for somebody who isn't seriously racist to say something like that. rbulling: I’m confused reading the “because that already happened, now it’s extra weird” etc part, could you elaborate NeitherBox6915: The aggression about undocumented immigrants came to a boiling point when the whole "build the wall" thing was going. You're a bit late to the mistake and at this point the ones who were most actually racist have used it as cover enough to get people to take notice. The "I'm not a racist but" folks, I mean. But you aren't dumb. You need to look up the YouTube video "Failing at normal". You use too complex of vocabulary to likely be just dumb. My guess is you just are diverting mental resources away to prevent yourself from getting too mentally overtaxed. rbulling: I watched it. She’s super cool. I had to write this quote down because of how much I related to it “putting more effort into life than anyone else and falling farther and farther behind. Thanks for sharing that.

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ManThisIsSomeBS: TIFU by realizing I am developing a mental disorder and I’m freaking out about it. This has been in the process of happening for about a year and I think it it really starting to take effect. January last year I was cut off/ghosted by my girlfriend. I spent a month tried to get a hold of her and eventually I got a “I don’t like you anymore”. That’s all I got as an answer as every other question she answered with “idk” or “ig”. Obviously not caring about the conversation or me at all. Then for my birthday a few months later my best friend of 6 years who has been with me through everything, flaked on a $2000 trip we planned together, 7 hours before we left. Obviously I was upset and told him that I will speak to him when I get back from the trip so I can make sure to enjoy my time there. After I got back he refused to give me an answer why and/or his reasoning behind the decision. I told him that this really hurt me as we have been planning this for 5 months. He said he still wanted a friendship with me and that he was sorry. I told him we could go out to eat or something and told him to pick a time. Hasn’t talked to me in 5 months. The friend I started talking to more about a month after my friend left, he now has yet to message me after 3 weeks. (I used to play daily with both friends) Here is the fuck up: I realized that I’m starting to think that everyone is out to get me and/or will just leave at a moments notice. I’m thinking that even the friends that I still have are going to leave me for some reason and I’m deathly afraid of it. This in turn made me realize that I’m beginning to have abandonment issues and I’m scared of it. I don’t want to have it but I feel like it is inevitable. I don’t want to be someone that is codependent and is very clingy to people or sounds desperate to have attention. I’m scared. TLDR: Got ghosted a few times by people close to me and I feel like I’m starting to develop abandonment issues. Ground2ChairMissile: You don't have abandonment "issues." You've literally been abandoned by several people and you were hurt by it. Anyone would be. That's normal, and it's normal to be afraid that it will happen again. The fact that you recognize the fear is a good sign that you're managing it rationally. It COULD be a problem if you let it negatively affect your behavior and your future relationships. But now that you're aware of it, you're in a good position to keep that from happening. Take a deep breath, OP. It's gonna be alright. ManThisIsSomeBS: Man idk bro, I really hoping it will. But there is always that part of me that questions everyone’s intentions. Ground2ChairMissile: You can never truly know anyone else's intentions. Not even family members you've known your whole life. Trusting another person involves an unavoidable element of risk. Maybe now you'll be a little more careful in who you trust. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But it doesn't mean you have a mental disorder, it just means you're learning from some bad experiences. It's only a disorder if you're INCAPABLE of trusting others at any time, and it becomes a detriment to your life. You don't seem like you're anywhere near that point. ManThisIsSomeBS: I thought that having the fear of being abandoned and left my everyone for now real logical reason was a mental disorder? Isn’t it irrational and illogical to think like that? Ground2ChairMissile: It's happened to you three times already. That's not an irrational fear, that's rational and justified. If I get bitten by a dog, is it irrational for me to be afraid that another dog will bite me? Of course not. That's an entirely justified, and healthy, fear. You understand that everyone you know and love isn't going to abandon you. You're AFRAID of it, because you're currently in pain. But that's not the same thing as thinking it's going to happen. The pain will lessen with time. So will the fear. So long as you understand that that fear is from the pain and it isn't an actual representation of what's going to happen to you, you're still thinking about it rationally. The fact that you're worried about this indicates that you're aware of the possibility of negative outcomes based purely on an overreaction to your situation. In fact, it sounds like you're a lot MORE worried that the fear of abandonment will cause problems for you, than you are of actually being abandoned again. You're processing pain. And you might be overthinking it a bit. But I don't think anything you've said here is indicative of some kind of deep, permanent mental trauma. ManThisIsSomeBS: So it’s just me coping with a shitty situation rather than me being traumatized? Ground2ChairMissile: Sounds like it, yeah.

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PleasantPhysics7982: TIFU by learning how my friend's brother died the hard way So I deleted tiktok and to soothe withdrawals I use the instagram explore page which is 10x funnier. I have 4 people who if I find something funny, I send it to all 4 of those and do the same to eachother so we get a whole lotta laughs. Well I was scrolling today, and I found a photoshopped YouTube buzz feed knock off channels photoshopped with the new title for the video being "old people try lean for the first time". I send it and think nothing of it. A couple hours later one of my friends texts me privately telling me that one of the other friends was uncomfortable with the lean meme. All I knew about this situation prior was that the friends brother passed away from an overdose in like 2005. I never asked of what because I don't need to know that or ask. Apparently one of the things that contributed to his death was lean (don't know if it was main or partial but she did say it was a factor). I immediately texted her and profusely apologized to which she wasn't mad at me because she never let me know, she just didn't like the meme and soured the day. I invited her over for dinner to make up for it because she hadn't ate all day. I still feel terrible. Tl;DR I sent a meme about lean to a friend and afterwards found out her brother died of an overdose and lean was a factor brightmiff: What is “lean”? ASHNTEL: Lean, also known as purple drank, purp, sizzurp, syrup, wock or oil, and several other names, is a recreational drug beverage, prepared by mixing prescription strength cough or cold syrup containing codeine and promethazine with a soft drink. The beverage originated in Houston and is popular in hip hop culture, especially within the Southern United States From wiki Acheron98: Who the fuck calls it “wock”? PillShill1980: Pharm tech here. Wock is short for the manufacturer Wockhardt, which produce Promethazine w/codeine. Many people will ask for certain manufacturers when filling a script. Unless that have a documented allergy or behavioral issue due to the fillers of the manufacturer, we say no. Acheron98: Huh, I learned something new today. Thanks stranger. PillShill1980: Something also new, CVS has stopped selling it as of September 1st, 2022. I think Walgreens quit selling it too. Acheron98: Even with a prescription? PillShill1980: Yep. Quit selling it company wide. Acheron98: Are the other versions from other manufacturers somehow less easy to abuse for recreational purposes? PillShill1980: No. The main ingredients are the same. Just the inactives can be different. Some people just like one manufacturer over the other. Acheron98: Ahhh I see

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John__Fortnite: TIFU hello i am john __forntite and i love you. TIFU by eating a hambruther without the cheeese 😭😭😭😭 [removed] John__Fortnite: This has happened ti me to John__Fortnite: Me to John__Fortnite: Me 3 John__Fortnite: Me four John__Fortnite: Me five John__Fortnite: Me 6 moms-sphaghetti: Uhhh…

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AngelicDevilz: TIFU when I got caught stalking my crush [removed] SnareXa: "I basically go around and select random people to test if they can hear the audio transmissions and gage how much they can be influenced by the V2K to do things they normally wouldn't do. So this requires a lot of stalking of targets to determine their normal behavior so I can attempt to change it. " how is this legal? AngelicDevilz: Our organization does contracts for the NSA. We are not government workers but they contract us to do this program. I assume if it wasnt legal the government would stop paying for our services. elfix96: Yes, the spy agencies of the US are known for their exceptional abidance to the law. AngelicDevilz: Are they spies? I always thought of them as computer surveillance people. SnareXa: "computer surveillance" is just a specific form of spying AngelicDevilz: I suppose when I hear spy I think James Bond, but I guess technically you are right.

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dumbofass01: TIFU: NSFW, I sent a random instagram “bot” my peen So on Instagram I’ve gotten these “bots” that try to start a normal conversation and then they not-so-casually drop the “lets send dirty pics of each other.” I’m no stranger to these so I usually chicken out whenever they start pressuring me, but not this time. I was curious to see just how far I can get with one of these bots, so I very reluctantly agreed. It started off simple, we added each other on snapchat and she sent the first nude picture. I played dumb and acted like I didn’t know what I was doing so I asked “what do I take a picture of?” She responded for me to take a picture of my face, which I did. Following that, she said a simple “cute” text and then sent another explicit photo of herself. I asked what I should take a picture of and she replied with “something naughty.” Okay, fine, but I asked how old she was so that if something did in fact go wrong (foreshadowing), it wouldn’t look bad. She said she was 20 and I said 19, so we’re in the clear. I didn’t want to send a penis just yet, so I just took a side view of my ass, as I thought it would be the least incriminating. Cool, that’s fine. She sends a picture of her vagina now and then asks to see my dick. I tested beforehand how I can fake a picture of my penis by simply pulling one up from Google on my laptop, and just take a picture of that. I knew it wouldn’t end well otherwise. But I didn’t. I instead took a picture of my actual peen, though I blacked out all the background so that it couldn’t easily be proven that it was, in fact, mine. Some time passes and she creates an instagram group chat with like 5 of my followers. I left because I thought it was spam, but in hindsight I could imagine she sent those pictures of me. On snapchat, she goes on to say that she’s actually 16 (which I don’t believe) and that I “better do as she says or she will ruin my life.” I tried to play it off by saying that it wasn’t mine and that I wasn’t dumb enough to send a picture of my own penis. Idk if she believed that. I blocked her soon after, not thinking much of it. As the hours went on, i got more and more frightened that she might actually tip authorities about this incident, but my main concern is that a picture of my penis is on the internet now. Sure I could play it off like it was still a random picture I found online, but that thought has been eating me up inside for the past few hours, and I honestly hate myself for it. I was smart enough to know not to send my own peen. But I did it anyway. This is all my fault and I know that. I just don’t know how to go about my days now that this ordeal happened. TL;DR: I sent a picture if my peen to an instagram “bot” when I knew I should’ve faked it. Now a picture of it is somewhere on the internet, and I hate that. shadesofwolves: A new day, a new blackmail post on TIFU dumbofass01: I assume it’s a classic shadesofwolves: It's a daily occurrence.

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EmmaRose49270: TIFU by taking a sip of water in the dark. It’s almost 5 o’clock in the morning and this just happened. This whole situation is so stupid but everyone I know is asleep so I’m sharing this to Reddit instead. We get stink bugs in my house occasionally. Whenever I see any kind of bug in my house I just leave the room and wait for them to go away. This is because I have a somewhat irrational fear of insects that I’m pretty embarrassed of. For reference, one morning a few years ago there was a stinkbug sitting on my backpack strap and I touched it without realizing it was there. I dropped my backpack immediately and almost cried. I washed my hands several times because the texture of the bug freaked me out. Fast forward to today, I had seen a stinkbug in my room earlier so I did my normal routine of ignoring it until it went away. Before I went to bed I left a cup with a lid and a straw on the table next to me. I’m sure you can see where this is going. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to take a sip of water. Somehow a stinkbug was sitting on the straw and I didn’t see it. I felt the dry, scratchy texture on my tongue for a split second before spitting it out. I still didn’t understand what happened until I saw the bug, still alive, squirming around on my carpet. I almost threw up right there. My mouth tasted like dumpster juice. I brushed my teeth for several minutes to get the taste out. I’m standing in my bathroom still shaking about this while writing. I feel really dumb for being so affected by it but I don’t think I’m going to be able to get back to sleep. I’m really lucky I didn’t accidentally crush the bug in my mouth. TL;DR - I ignored a stink bug in my room. Later that night I went to take a sip of water in the dark after a bug somehow ended up on my straw. Now my mouth tastes like rotting garbage and I can’t sleep. Cumberbatchland: I don't know where you live, but is there a chance that you (or someone else) can stop Stinkbug from appearing in your home ? https://www.pestworld.org/pest-guide/occasional-invaders/stink-bugs/ ArbutusPhD: Also, there is a good chance you can stop drinking dumpster juice. If it was a one time thing, that’s cool. Everyone gets curious. EmmaRose49270: It’s refreshing >:( ArbutusPhD: Always or only on hot, summer days? I gotta try some. Also, whose your dumpster juice connection?

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howtobackflip: TIFU by trying to dupe my Minecraft worlds dragon egg and accidentally destroying it forever If you don't play Minecraft, this won't make so I'll explain it. After you beat the Ender Dragon it drops the dragon egg, which is only 1 of. Even if you respawn the dragon you can't get a new one. However, I recently heard of a glitch that lets you dupe it in survival mode. Also, to pick the egg up, it has to fall onto a torch, since if you try to mine it, it will just teleport away. So I tried to do it. However, I messed it up so I left the end to get a torch and some blocks in order to get it back. This was stupid since torches naturally spawn and there are blocks in the end. But anyways, I went back to my house in the overworld to get them, but when I got back, the egg was gone. Then I remembered. When you go back to the end, it resets the end spawn platform and deletes everything. But whoopsies, my dragon egg was on that. So it was deleted, and I can never get another one. tl;dr: I tried to cheat and get 2 of an item that there is only supposed to be one of in a world, but messed it up and now I don't even have one. PalatableRadish: In bedrock you can get 2 eggs. Second time you kill the dragon it drops another. wastingM3time: Buddy you need the egg to spawn another PalatableRadish: No you don’t

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[deleted]: TIFU by giving my crush my old iPhone [deleted] Insanetoucan: They found your dick picks man anonziee: Bro. I bought the phone a week ago. It's running a fresh restore. No photos on it. I've never even taken a dick pic Insanetoucan: You ever bend your arm and take a picture of your elbow? Funny as shit bro anonziee: Nope

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ShrekONeal: TIFU by leaving hot peppers on my tissue papers So, I live in a dorm and was a bit hungry, so I bought some bread, cheese cream and hot peppers because I love spicy. These green peppers are no joke in spice, but not the most spicy ones. So I was making my sandwich and some peppers were left on some tissues, some were broken into half because I was lazy to use a knife. Also I was lazy to wash my hands. That's were the fuck up happened. I ate like 3 and a half sandwiches and blew my nose because it started running. That tissue I blew my nose into absorbed the pepper's spice. So after a couple of minutes my nose started burning like i was smelling an active flamethrower and began coughing like hell. After a couple of tormenting hours I finally found peace and had a cleaner respiratory system. But I learned that harsh lesson that I will never get any tissue papers and hot peppers near each other ever again. TL;DR - I bought hot peppers and left them on tissue papers absorbing the spiciness and blowing my nose into them leading to burning pain for several hours AcrobaticSource3: It could have been worse, you could have used the tissues to wipe your dick after a jerk off session ShrekONeal: You're goddamn right. Luck is part of my personality huh?

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meanonhalloween: TIFU by letting my partner use my car My partners car broke down, so we've been sharing mine. My car's battery has been failing me for the last couple of weeks, and someone suggested it was because of the fuel pump since it often needs a boost after putting gas in so i haven't gotten a new battery. My partner started turning off my automatic lights as he thought that it would drain the battery because the lights don't turn off immediately when you take the key out. I asked him to leave the lights alone because I have been driving it with auto set for years, and I didn't want to forget to turn them on and end up getting pulled over for it. Queue to tonight, he takes the car to go to work, turns the lights off to put gas in, and forgets to turn them back on. He gets pulled over almost immediately after leaving the gas station. He called me to let me know, and I tried to be as supportive as possible. "No problem, we'll figure it out." Then, he drops the bomb - *his license is suspended*. Turns out it got suspended from an unpaid ticket, and he didn't get the memo. It's my daughters birthday party this weekend. My car got impounded, he got 4 tickets, and driving on a suspended license can get you a $1000+ fine and/or up to 6 months in jail. So now my transportation to work is gone until I can pay to get it back, my partner had to miss work last night, and he might go to jail a month before I go into labour. The part that bothers me the most is that I KNEW that turning off the automatic lights would fuck me over and it did. TL;DR my partner got pulled over in my car. His license was suspended, and he's now facing a possible 6 month sentence. I lost my car, and my life got twist turned upside down from something that I predicted would happen. HoneyDrops12: You didn’t fuck up at all though? All of this could’ve been an honest mistake with an easy fix had your partner being responsible on their end. meanonhalloween: I feel like I fucked up because although we're in a relationship/live together/all that jazz and sharing cars would be a given, if I hadn't let him take my car, it would still be in my driveway. gospdrcr000: Your understanding of cars and how they work is... cute. Auto lights won't drain your battery because that's what the altenator is for, if the alternator is failing the battery will drain to the point of the car shutting off mid drive, it sounds like you have a failing battery (which happens quite often) FG88_NR: >Your understanding of cars and how they work is... cute. This is who you decided to be, huh? gospdrcr000: Not even sure what you mean. How do you say you don't know shit about cars any nicer? FG88_NR: Right, you don't know how to speak without being condensending. We established that already. gospdrcr000: Sure bud, whatever you say FG88_NR: Cute gospdrcr000: We've come full circle, no matter what I said you would have had a problem with it. Good day m8 FG88_NR: It's cute you think that. gospdrcr000: 

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[deleted]: TIFU by withdrawing money from the ATM [deleted] SLJ7: How do people do this? My mom has left her card in the machine too. It's not exactly a quiet beep. If you don't pay attention to your surroundings you should probably think about either ignoring your phone until you're done or (if you're using Bluetooth) getting yourself a headset that doesn't block out surroundings that much. Being that oblivious to your surroundings is going to screw you over in other ways too. Sorry this happened though; hopefully the machine did in fact suck the cash back in. sharrrper: Most ATMs these days seem to have you take the card out of the slot before they will dispense the cash.

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[deleted]: tifu by kissing my friend [deleted] twohedwlf: This sounds like you added at least 4 years to the ages you quoted. BreakingBad2014: Yeah, sounded almost like middle school stuff.

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Fusionkid12: TIFU By covering the bill at a group dinner. So this happened last night. For reference, I am not a rich fella. Im an assistant manager at a local candy store which pays quite a bit higher than other places and includes tips. But still i live in a small ish one bedroom apartment and can sometimes just barely scrape by on my bills. We had a busy christmas season and with some overtime i have some extra scratch. Now on to the story. Last night, my some friends and I went out to a dinner near my apartment. My best friend likes to do a christmas dinner every year and this one got pushed back cause of schedules. Despite her and I running late (she forgot that she told me she would pick me up and then grab my gf who lives a drive away), we arrive and get seated and what not. Now there's only 8 of us total and we were expecting 12 so no big deal. We have a time, exchange gifts and thankfully aren't a rowdy bunch. Then comes time to pay the bill. Our server (who was great considering how busy she was all night) tells us that we can't do individual bills and the alternative is to group up and combine some people bills or one person cover it. Pretty normal and i wanted to make her life easier. Everyone else was doing the obligatory looking around the table to see who would cave and end up paying. I volunteered so long as everyone would immediately venmo me the cost of their meal plus the tip. The bill was like $356 so not terribly bad for a group of that size. We passed the receipt around and everyone gave me cash and venmo for their meals. At the time (also while inebriated), everything seemed to add up and make sense. It wasn't until i woke up this morning that i realized what happened. I tipped a lil over 20% (which ended up being an extra $83). My friends have worked in the service industry so ive heard stories on getting screwed on big bills when theres no auto gratuity and my buddy suggested tipping that amount. However this morning i did the math and it turns out between the venmo and cash i got around $313 (which makes sense its less including the cost of my own meal) but with the tip factored in im out almost $100 of my own money cause i dont think everyone gave me enough extra for the tip. I had only planned to spend maybe $40 max on my dinner. Now i feel like a fool and don't want to be a dick and hit every one up. Also realized i made two big payments on some loans so a whopping almost $800 is leaving my account on monday morning. Oof never again. TL;DR- Covered group bill at a dinner and because everyone didn't give me enough, im out almost $100 of my own money on the tip. shorterthanyou15: I'll never understand why American restaurants make it such a headache to do individual bills. In Canada the server will literally just bring the machine around to everyone and you tap and you're done. Avoids all these awkward situations with group paying. ReadditMan: They do that in America too, just not at this place apparently. I honestly don't think I've been to a restaurant that wouldn't do individual bills, but I don't really eat at fancy places. It's funny because I actually think whether or not a person believes splitting a bill is normal depends on their income and upbringing. People who only eat at expensive local restaurants will probably think individual bills aren't a thing in the US, but people who mostly eat at chain restaurants will think the exact opposite. Foreigners who visit the US often won't eat at chain restaurants, so they end up leaving with the impression that restaurants in the US just don't do individual bills. shorterthanyou15: I've also never had to write my tip on a bill in Canada, but I have at US restaurants and I find it really weird. Is that done at most restaurants still? Fusionkid12: Yeah most places if you pay by card you get a receipt and can tip by the card if you choose or leave cash. Sometimes the tip percentages are calculated for you. Other times they'll bring around a mobile thing you can insert your card in and tip there too. shorterthanyou15: Yeah so in Canada the mobile thing is standard and that's just always brought to us. We just tap and enter the tip there, or leave cash on the table. But we never have to write on the receipt or anything. Fusionkid12: Sounds like i need to move to canada.. BigPoppaPuff: hope you enjoy winter

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Frenchorican: TIFU by Buying my Older Cousin’s Places to Stay on her Trip across Eastern America So little background, I’m 28 years old, I’ve got a pretty good job but I have to work incredibly hard and it’s sometimes super stressful. I make pretty good money not the best when it comes to my friends but I get to travel a lot which is great. Since I’m traveling for a little over half the year, I’ve been living with my parents in America. I split bills and pay for groceries, and other things that my parents ask me to do in exchange for no rent. Now my French dad is a bleeding heart when it comes to his nieces and nephews from his sister who passed away in France (he was like this before she passed too) They’re my age or older, but he gives them money, buys them plane tickets, the whole shebang. And I get it for the younger kids who are like 17, 19, and 23. Times are rough and sometimes you need a little help. But I have a cousin who is 33 years old. He gives her money, he bought her a car, and a plane ticket to come see America after she expressed a desire to do so at my brothers wedding. Now here is the kicker, she wanted to do a south to north to south trip of America. Which cool that’ll be awesome, maybe she’ll want to live here, which was the point of the trip. Then my dad who was in Germany at the time for work, asked me to make sure her hostels were safe then help her get hotels, hostels, and places to stay. Which I was like ok, I don’t mind paying for a place or two. When she got there and told me she’d only be paying for the first four places, and I would need to pay for the next ten spots I almost blew a gasket. Especially when I calculated it’d roughly cost over 600 dollars (with hostels, a friends house, and air bnbs) But I kept my cool and asked my dad about it. He also almost blew a gasket. He then tried to find cheaper places but could not. Because he told her he’d help, he then vaguely told me tell her we’re not paying for her entire trip. I did not do so as I hate confrontation (hence the big TIFU). Now what the cost actually ended up being (as I realized I had to go to do prepay for a lot of the things, there were resort fees at some locations, taxes and etc) Was a little under a thousand dollars. Now add in to this I had to find the hotels that had prepay, were in safe locations (I told her one of her hostels wasn’t she didn’t listen to me and I was right and she had to buy a hotel room last minute) and fill out credit card authorization, and send emails out to all of these locations, suggest better locations, ask friends to take her around on tours, email her any updates about the properties, and have to respond to her messages and questions at 11;20 at night on a Wednesday when I had to wake up at 6:00 am for my real job or 8;00 in the morning on a Saturday and basically manage her trip for her for free. All of this and I haven’t gotten a thank you, but instead she gets snippy with me asking if I’m sure I made the reservation for two locations for two nights instead of one or her saying No there will be cleaners at an air BnB when it’s a private room in a house and the owners said they will be out of town and she can arrive whenever. Mind you we had a step cousin who came over 2022 and he actually paid his way for the trip, I lent him my car and the last two places which I paid for and I’m not mad at him because he didn’t take advantage of it. I got to go with him to those places and I had a great time. And he was super grateful even when his passport got stolen and he worked to pay my dad back. TLDR I’m out $1,000 dollars for my cousins cross country trip and I really am so mad at her because she doesn’t seem grateful at all and I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same because I can’t say no and I’m always gonna remember this (Excuse the typos my phone is lagging badly) 10/10 would not do again. AcrobaticSource3: Is there a reason you didn’t just cancel the last 10 spots, and shortened the trip to the only 4 she paid for? She seems entitled Frenchorican: Because she already had finished her trip to New York with her sister and I am a people pleaser. It’s really difficult for me to say no to people, especially when my father (who is housing me for the time being) asks me to do this.

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[deleted]: Tifu by hugging my classmates [deleted] Devittraisedto2: I don't exactly see the fuck up here Your mom finding out that you're hugging girls? What's the problem there? thatoneF1fan: Cuz there is no real fuck up, it's just a funny story, with a little bit of a fuck up. Devittraisedto2: So it doesn't really fit the subreddit then now does it? thatoneF1fan: Well, it's up for you to decide, I just wanted to share it. Just to make people smile at my stupidity.

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alt0bs: Tifu by storing champagne sideways So I subscribe to a wine delivery service, basically I put $20 away every month and about once a year I order a case of wine. Well today was the day I received my wine wooo. I had gotten a bottle of champagne in the case and was feeling celebratory/ have orange juice in the fridge so I figured let’s mimosa. Well I really only wanted one so I grabbed a wine stopper and attempted to store the bottle in my fridge. I tried to put it on multiple shelves and the door but it didn’t fit. Eventually I decided no big deal I’ll just put it laying down and it will be fine. Welp I lay it down and turn around to talk to my child turn back around to grab ingredients for his second breakfast and boom champagne blast to the face. Moral of the story don’t store champagne sideways. I’m an idiot I know. Now it’s in a bucket of ice on the counter and I’m not sure what to do because I have no desire to be drunk during the middle of the day but also do not want to waste a whole bottle of bubbly. Sighs glad I had eye drops on hand. Maybe I can bake a champagne cake? Who knows. Tl:dr blasted in face with champagne from improper storage. Stuck with an opened bottle of champagne that’s I don’t know what to do with. ConvivialKat: Buy yourself a champagne stopper. They clamp on to the rim of the bottle and are pretty strong. Also, find a place to store your champers "partially upright" (leaning a bit is OK) in the fridge. alt0bs: The item I never knew I needed! Thanks ConvivialKat: My second recommendation is to try PEACH NECTAR instead of OJ. It's called a BELLINI, and it will rock your world! Lol! alt0bs: Ooofff will have to try pretty sure you’ve altered the quality of my life substantially haha! Thanks :)) IntroductionFluffy71: Bellini is superior to Mimosa, in my opinion, but i’m not picky. 🤣 the Cipriani brand (teal bottle) is my jam. if you live anywhere near a Wegmans, they have it in the dessert wine section.

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[deleted]: TIFU by letting my Mum & Sister look after our 2 kids (NSFW) [deleted] CapedBaldy2077: OP deleted that account real quick lol edked: So what happened? Was it something relatively mild that OP got all worked up over, people here mocked them for being all precious and they flounced off? What was found/seen, exactly? CapedBaldy2077: I'm not sure since I got here shortly after the post was deleted. But that seems like the case according to these comments

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bronwen-noodle: TIFU by ordering gas station pizza I am about to have the experience of a lifetime in about T minus 2 hours. I am one of the unlucky few who has been cursed never to consume dairy products, specifically cheese, without severe discomfort. But wait, bronwen, you knew this full well and still decided to order pizza? From a **gas station**? Listen up, folks, and let me tell you a little something about the Midwest. The Midwest is the dairy consuming Capitol of the United States. I wouldn’t believe you if you said there’s a part of the US that has stronger ties to cheese or uses more cow dairy on the day to day. Ranch dressing made with buttermilk, fluff salads made from sweetened whipped cream, and deep dish pizza (get out of here, Detroit) are all favorites. Our regional fast food chains offer frozen custard. I live maybe an hour south of Wisconsin, where people wear cheese shaped hats. Dairy is inevitable. Another staple of the Midwest is the gas station. This particular gas station is called Casey’s, notorious for its superior pizza (relative to other gas stations). Specifically a breakfast pizza topped with fluffy scrambled eggs. Enter me, an idiot whose apartment is too hot to cook in. How is this possible? My apartment sucks, that’s why. I moved into the first affordable place I could find and didn’t realize that temperature regulation would be an issue. Little had I known that the plastic seal I had applied to my windows would make my apartment 80 degrees Fahrenheit in the middle of winter, a situation improved only by turning on the air conditioner. I wake up late on a Saturday, around eleven. I shower, and open up the application for the gas station. My curiosity has gotten the better of me. *I can order it without the cheese*, I think, *I’ll just customize my order and I’ll be safe*. Oh boy was I wrong. I pick up my order, confirming with the employee that the pizza had no cheese. Satisfied, I bring my pizza home. Upon arriving at home, I open the box, dismayed to find that there is, indeed, cheese on my pizza. Enter Midwest polite. I *could* go back and request the pizza to be remade the way I had ordered, and recover the missing dipping sauce that I paid for. Or, instead of inconveniencing someone making minimum wage at a gas station in a sleepy village in the Midwest, I could pick off the cheese. Alas, the cheese has melted into the very crust, it has become inseparable from the scrambled egg and sausage that distinguish this pizza from a common pie. I take a bite. And another. My stomach begins to turn, and I can feel the nausea rising as the forbidden milk loaf settles into the battlefield that is my stomach. There is no winner in this scenario, save for the bacteria in my lower gut biome, who shall be throwing a party in about two hours when I shall take my place upon the jester’s throne. TLDR: I should not eat cheese but I did and in about two hours I will be very very sick. [deleted]: That was excellently worded, you should be a travel writer. bronwen-noodle: “Bronwen’s Adventures Having Diarrhea in Five Different Countries” [deleted]: Tbh if there was a travel guide called that I’d trust it based on the honesty in the title alone bronwen-noodle: Honestly it’d be a pretty comprehensive guide. I’d rate the food on a scale of 1-10 based on whether or not it was worth the diarrhea Mysterious_Nature193: Well, how was the pizza? Was it worth the diarrhea?

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JustAFieryLizard: TIFU by accidentally teaching my 1 year old how to aggravate my wife TL;DR: I irritated my wife in front of my 1 year old, he copied me, now I’m in trouble. So my wife(31) and I(33) have been married for 7 years, and over the years I have found numerous ways to irritate her. One of my favorites is, after some banter or joke, I go over and pat her head and say “there, there.” Usually I get a slap or some retort. Last week my son dumped a full box of toys immediately after my wife had just picked them all up, she just sat down and was like “Why!?” I walked over and patted her head and said “there, there.” My son of course saw this and imitated me. Since then, frequently when my wife holds my son, he will pat her head and say “there, there” or something that sounds very much like it. I can’t help but laugh, which only encourages him. I don’t think I have come as close to death before this week. If looks could kill… Eroe777: As a father of three, trust me when I say, your 1-year old did not need to be taught how to aggravate your wife. But this is really cute and funny. juggles007: No it's not FlurpTheDerp: Why isn't it? juggles007: Well even though you're not actually the original commenter I'll answer. Let's dance. It's not okay because it undermines her and could perhaps make her feel less like an equal in the household. The pat pat of the head is usually reserved for animals in the household. Or subservients. Enough said there. Not ok to be teaching a young boy who will have to participate in social norms. It's also messed up due to the fact it's a male elder telling a younger male or rather showing, that it's ok to infantalize women in that way. Even if they gave birth to you and are clearly more adept at living in the world and teaching you to do so. It's fine to pat her on the head because she did a good job... Then. We get into the whole bit about being above someone and deeming them have done a good job or bad job in that scenario. That in itself is disgusting. There are other levels to this, but Franky, it's 1am where I am and if you don't get it you don't get it and you're not worth my time. I'm sleepy. FlurpTheDerp: Christ almighty xD The kid is a one year old, have a day off! juggles007: I was asked and answered. starwars101: The poster you engaged with is a father of three. Please provide what life experiences inform your passionate response to this post, so that the community may better understand where your opinions come from. juggles007: Not that I should have to, but mother of four two bio two due to a friend's death and rearing three of my little sisters. She 33 and not in the right state to do so at the moment. Ages 3-14 starwars101: Hey now, this is reddit. Everyone is semi-anonymous. We have no context for your words if we do not ask for it, as I did. Thank you for providing context. juggles007: No worries

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PurpleDuck11: TIFU by glancing at my boyfriend’s phone while out to dinner This just happened last night. I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and before the server took our order, I went to the bathroom. When I got back to sit down, my boyfriend’s phone was open on the table and I happened to notice a message from someone with red hearts. I honestly at first thought nothing of it. I wasn’t even trying to look at his phone, it just happened to be right there. I’m not a jealous person, he’s never given me any reason to think he’s cheating and we have a very healthy relationship. I do however struggle with intrusive thoughts and trauma from from people burning me in the past. I’ve been in therapy and I’ve made a lot of progress and haven’t had any major episodes in a long time. But when my boyfriend immediately picked up his phone and says “I have to text my boss real quick” I started to panic. I tried to tell myself I was being irrational. He literally could have had to text his boss and just remembered at that moment and the hearts could have been from his mom for all I know. So I told myself to let it go because like I said, he’s never given me a reason to doubt him and we’ve always had a very trusting relationship…. But for some reason every single thing he said & did after that sent me into a spiral. I started rapidly switching between thinking I was being irrational for no reason whatsoever to thinking he’s secretly a narcissist. Eventually it got to the point where I was on the verge of tears. And not because I genuinely thought he was cheating on me, but because I could feel myself spiraling and it was upsetting considering I hadn’t had an episode like this in years. I didn’t want to say anything to him cause I felt stupid, but knew if I didn’t talk to him about it, it was going to eat me up inside, regardless of how irrational I knew my thinking was. So I told him what I saw and how I was feeling and he immediately grabbed his phone and showed me every person he’s talked to today….. but it turned out that the hearts were actually on a text from me. Before I went to the bathroom I had texted him my order so that he could tell the server if he came while I was gone, which I completely forgot about. Yeah, I’m a fucking idiot. I apologized 100 times and told him I truly didn’t think he was cheating, but I definitely let the intrusive thoughts win that time. He wasn’t upset and we laughed about it and had a great rest of our night. TLDR: I glanced over at my boyfriends phone and saw hearts and thought he might have been texting another girl only to find out that the hearts were from me Edit: I was not expecting this to blow up like it did (I know that’s what everyone says lol) and it’s kind of overwhelming trying to respond to everyone. But I wanted to say thanks to everyone that had something kind and supportive to say and that understood that this was a case of solid communication and not straight up accusation. I was just trying to tell a funny story and most of you got that so thank you. I also wanted to clarify for people asking how I forgot so quickly that I sent the hearts, I didn’t *just* send the hearts as I was walking to the bathroom, only my food order. The hearts were further up in the texts from earlier that day. I should have specified that. I am quite forgetful regardless though. MeatShield12: Had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Hang on to him. nopoonintended: Seriously a lot of guys would nope out of there ASAP. At least she talked to him and didn’t let it build up! Communication is key in a relationship Yisuscrais69: Can confirm, am guy, would dip out. Zardif: Life's too short to deal with crazy. frankstaturtle: Having chronic anxiety and intrusive thoughts isn’t crazy. Her spiraling makes sense. But usually when people come on the internet and randomly insult people discussing their anxiety, the insulter has some of their own issues they need to work on. Something something glass houses? TeamRedundancyTeam: Maybe not crazy, but it's a lot to deal with. That kind of pressure and constant questioning by your partner can be a lot. Not everyone wants to go through that or should have to. I wouldn't blame anyone for leaving someone who has these issues if it's a frequent occurance. Being constantly accused of cheating because of their partner's own messages is not something men or women should just be expected to take as if it doesn't affect them at all. It does. frankstaturtle: Where did you get constantly accused of cheating from? Did you even read her post? And ur thoughts are all fine and good, but keep it in your group chat. It’s very weird behavior to insult somebody on their own post for having anxiety. Bobby5Spice: He did say "if it was a frequent occurrence" he didn't say op was doing it constantly. I think he meant it as a general hypothetical statement. Did not come across as accusatory to me. Also been in those types of relationships before. Where someone had been burned by untrustworthy partners in the past and needed near constant reassuring and acted as if wanting to go through my phone, emails, facebook etc. Was OK, justified and normal. It's not. That shit is not ok. Sorry you had some shit boyfriends in your past but don't treat me like a guilty party because of what someone else has done. frankstaturtle: He literally said “Constant questioning” and “being constantly accused of cheating” in the context of defending the act of calling OP crazy. Pretty sure it’s not a hypothetical. She saw one text with heart emojis and got nervous, as would many men who would respond by getting enraged instead of doing what she did: asking a question and then quickly getting over it after having a mature discussion. She said she’s never worried about him cheating before and she didn’t go through his messages. Sounds like you’ve been unhappy in multiple relationships. Hopefully you can figure out why you keep ending up there instead of blaming the other party every time and projecting it on random women on the internet ✌️ Bobby5Spice: Wow. Really working yourself up here. Your also WAY off base. Your the one who is being aggro. I think OP handled herself and the situation beautifully. You are coming across as a bit less classy.

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That_Direction7489: TIFU by knocking on our hotel wall It wasn’t today, but was earlier this week. My baby and I joined my boyfriend on a work trip for the last two weeks and we’ve been staying in a hotel. A few nights ago around 8pm we heard some commotion in the room next door, it sounded like 2 women speaking Spanish and one man that kept breathing heavy, grunting, and saying “oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.” After it went on for a while my boyfriend looked at me, holding back a grin, and said “what do you think is going on over there?” And I sarcastically said back “does it sound like fun?” Then I said my initial thought is a man with disabilities and two caretakers. It slightly sounded like a man being dominated, but the speaking didn’t sound sexual and the sounds started as soon as they walked in. I figured someone paying escorts would either wait a second or be more mindful of the noise that early in the evening. Noise continues off and on until we fall asleep, and by then I was partially convinced it could be sex. Skip to 3 am and I’m awoken by my baby to eat, so I go potty and come back to feed my baby. As I’m about to start falling asleep the noise picks up again and I start to get frustrated. It’s just the man going “oh oh oh oh” at this point, no women to be heard. I think about getting up to knock on the wall, but just when I’m about to get up the noise stops. This happened 2 times before finally at 4:30 am, all I can think of is some random man jacking off loudly in the middle of the night, so get up and I knock on the wall. I woke up my boyfriend with the knock and told him “if it was good sex I wouldn’t mind listening, but it only sounds enjoyable for the man.” The noise stops, I fall back asleep, we giggle about it in the morning. Now here’s when I realize the fuck up. I’m doing laundry in the guest wash room and I see their hotel door open. A teenage girl walks out and I think “hmm that’s not who I expected.” About 20 minutes later the whole family comes out and it was in fact a disabled man and his family. I felt so guilty and rude and disappointed in myself for not trusting my gut intially. I found the family at breakfast, explained and apologized for knocking. There’s my fuck up TL;DR I thought a man had paid two escorts in the next hotel room over, finally knocked on the walls at 4:30 am only to realize it was a family with a disabled son the next day. AcrobaticSource3: > apologized for knocking What did you say? “Sorry, I thought it was a guy banging 2 escorts”? That_Direction7489: Something along those lines hahahaha

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girlhunter7: TIFU by sharing my sister's Instagram pics to unknown guys [removed] Sotilis: What the actual duck ivanhaversham: Quack

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Impossible_End_7973: TIFU by leaving a wedding part way through I was reminded of this when I saw another TIFU. This happened around 12 years ago now. My girlfriend at the time and I had met this couple through my girlfriend's work. They had recently emigrated and seemed quite nice. We got on well, but I had much less to do with them than my girlfriend. We were surprised, given we didn't know them that well, that they invited us to their wedding. But we thought okay cool, let's see, I had at that time not been to a wedding before so had no idea what to expect. The wedding was at a nice venue at the beach, with the reception in a beachside restaurant. The ceremony was out on the sand. This is where things went south. I am staunchly agnostic and was not prepared for the coming of Christ that occurred during the ceremony. A circle was formed around the couple with people placing their hands on them and muttering prayers. It all got rather intense and the bride and groom sort of collapsed in the middle of the circle. I'd say that there were maybe 40 people at this. Some others there we spoke with had only been invited to the ceremony and as I didn't know the couple well, had started to wonder. I started to think hmm, we got the invite verbally, we don't know them well, you know we probably aren't invited for the more intimate reception with family almost exclusively. Now I probably was influenced and still reeling from the bible bashing circle of worship I had witnessed and feeling more and more uncomfortable about my sheer presence. Enter the fuck up, my girlfriend and I started debating were we invited? Should we just leave? What's going on here? We made the call to leave assuming largely that, amongst a few others, we'd joined the ceremony and that was the intention of the invitation. We had gotten home, I'd cracked a very necessary beer, before the enquiring text came in - "where are you? Your seats are empty?" Ohhhhhh no. Oh dear god no (I'm aware of the irony). We had in our lack of certainty fucked up this couples reception by leaving the small and intimate venue with two empty seats. Fast forward a few months, we were still in contact and sort of friends when we found out they were quite strongly homophobic and after a conversation about how homosexuality occurs amongst animals too and is as natural as butter on bread we decided maybe we were better off apart and that was that. The guilt still grates on me sometimes though as it was such a stupid thing to do. TLDR: Didn't realise we were invited to both ceremony and reception and left two empty seats at a young couples wedding reception by leaving and going home. Any-Life9192: Your instincts told you to leave; they were correct. Impossible_End_7973: 🤣 this is true. I mean I'm glad I did, but gosh I'm still just sorry for going in the first place and leaving probably a lasting memory for them. I guess on balance the horrors I witnessed that day are still burnt into my brain too.

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[deleted]: TIFU by meeting someone from Reddit IRL [deleted] fleewiththelottery: Imagine writing this long of diatribe after meeting an Australian off random acts of muff dive. imtheroth: I wish it would have been longer, she really blazed through the second act.

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dicktowelproblems: TIFU by leaving my dick towel hanging up in the bathroom Throwaway account and this is not what you think. About a week ago I ended up with a poison ivy rash everywhere. I get poison ivy pretty often but this has been one of the worst (I blame my dog) so I've been going through my towels pretty quickly. Instead of leaving them hanging to dry, I've been putting them in the hamper to keep the poison ivy germs away. Wake up today and I have a bunch of people coming to my house including my bf and his mom. When I go to take a shower all I have left is the towel my sister bought after watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. She loved the dick towel episode and bought one for herself that she left at my house after moving out. If anyone has seen this episode they know, this towel has 2 dicks on it (one very large) and a butt. Since the poison ivy has now abated, I just hung it up to dry and didn't think about it again since it's in my master bathroom. Fast forward a few hours and someone is in the guest bathroom so bf's mom decides to use my bathroom. She comes out and is quiet and stand-offish the rest of the time she's there. She literally won't come near me or respond if I try to talk to her. As soon as lunch was over, she was trying to drag bf to the car to leave. She's always been weird around me since most of her family is good ole southern evangelical and I have never sat through a church service in my life so I honestly just chalked it up to that. She finally tells bf that she feels ill and they must leave now. After they left, I went into my bathroom and see the dick towel, hanging up with the big dick in full view. Bf comes back later and lets me know his mom thinks I'm a godless heathen and a loose woman (honestly, tough but fair) and doesn't want him hanging around me. She wouldn't tell him why. I bought him to my bathroom and he just stares then bust out laughing. He's a fan of the show so he knew what is was immediately. Luckily. we're all good but his mom still won't talk to me and I may need to let her give me an exorcism to get back in her good graces. Luckily bf didn't suggest I throw away the dick towel bc it's still a perfectly good towel, if a little problematic. tl;dr: the gang almost broke my evangelical bf's mom with their godless dick towel flyingjesuit: Dicktowel.com Personally I prefer kitten mittens but to each their own. hystericalbirbe: E G G flyingjesuit: Thank you, but I’m not in a trying time

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AndyBales: TIFU by accidentally coming out to my dad because I thought I was the only gay person in the world Today, as in 10 years ago when I was 13. I grew up in Lebanon where homosexuality is still a big no-no to this day. The legal aspect is a complicated clusterfuck, but what's most relevant here is that it's a huge taboo. So much so that when I was a kid until I hit puberty, I had never heard of same sex attraction, didn't know it was a thing, didn't know it was possible. So when I started experiencing these feelings, I was half terrified and half fascinated. Genuinely thought I was the only boy in the world attracted to other men. I was picturing myself on the front-page of international newspapers as some newly discovered freak of nature. I was not a smart kid. The fuckup happened when, instead of googling it, discovering homophobia and traumatizing myself like a normal gay kid, I excitedly went to my dad to tell him about my "little quirk". The reason I'm calling it an accidental coming out is that I didn't know what a coming out was at the time. Didn't know there was anything to come out of. Just thought I was a brand new mutation in the human lineage or some shit. Obviously the conversation was super awkward, he just told me it was too early to discuss those things and that it's normal I'm not attracted to girls yet, "It'll come with time". I figured things out the same day when I had the great idea of looking it up online and realized what I had done. My relationship with my dad has bee He's been in denial ever since. I know that almost for a fact because he constantly asks me if and who I'm dating, but it's not at all in my family's customs to discuss dating lives (e.g. He never asks my siblings these questions). So we've been playing this little game of theater where he asks me every few months, I tell him I'm waiting till I'm done with college, and he smiles and nods. For better or for worse, the "gay question" has found its way into our media landscape and you nowadays see it discussed on panel shows, plus most people are more exposed to western media. So I don't think this would have happened if I was born 10 years later. TL;DR When I discovered I was attracted to men I had no idea gay people were a thing so I just excitedly told my homophobic dad about it instead of looking it up and trying to figure things out on my own RSwordsman: Not that we needed it but at least this is evidence that suppression of LGBT identity doesn't make them go away. kawamommylover: You can be homosexual without being lgbt though wisepassion: What kawamommylover: What my comment said J_Toxic: lgbt means Lesbian Gay Bi Trans, so if you are gay you are a part of this group.

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Little-Lolsie: TIFU by eating almost three pounds of broccoli Obligatory didn't happen today, but it's something I still think about often. A while back, when I was about sixteen, my mom's friend had a baby shower. I went, helped with set up and take down and just generally hung around and ate cake. My mom's other friend had bought a lot of the prepackaged foods for it, including three of those absolute unit-sized veggie trays. For some reason, she really thought that more people would eat the veggies over the cupcakes, meatballs, two different kinds of sheet cake, and pretty much every other unhealthy thing that had been present. She didn't even want them by the time everything was done, and there were still two full ones left. I, however, was a huge vegetable lover, especially carrots and broccoli, and I loved the ranch dip that came with those. And since they were unopened, I didn't have to worry about gross people double-dipping or touching a bunch of them without eating them. So, of course, I took them home. I was thrilled to have a super healthy snack for the night. I started eating them on the way home even, though I didn't have many. I really should have stopped there. We got home, and my mom and I watched The Peanut's movie. Who needed popcorn? I decided that I would put the carrots and celary in a ziplock bag, since more people in the family ate them than me, and just put all the brocoli on one of the trays, happily brininging it into my mom's room. About half way through the movie, my mom noticed just how much brocoli I had eaten, she told me I should probably stop. I, being a know it all sixteen year old, told her that it was only brocoli, she should be encoraging my healthy eating. By the time the movie was done, I'd eaten *all* of it. I was quite proud of myself, though sad I didn't have anymore when we moved to watch another movie with my little brother. I was still in bliss the first few minutes of Home. That is, until the brocoli started to digest. A burp made its way out, and well...It smelled like rotton eggs. ***Every time I burped, which was often, it smelled like rotton eggs.*** The first few times I burped, my mom smelled it and thought my little brother was farting. I was mortified by the smell, and let him take the blame, too embarassed to admit that it was in fact not the rancid farts of her twelve year old boy, but the almost silent burps coming from her sixteen year old daughter . That is, until the first fart made its way out of *me*. And with how the burps smelled, you can imagine how the farts were. My stomach was in pure agony, trying to expell gas however it could. It was cramping, punishing me for my eating habits. The burping and farting went on all night, I could hardly even sleep. Thankfully, by morning, it seemed to have cleared up. I didn't eat brocoli again for almost a year, and I still won't eat more than a few pieces at a time. TL;DR: Ate enough brocoli to make my burps smell like rotton eggs, and my farts smell like Satan's armpit. ElectroFlannelGore: You didn't fuck up. You need those [good sulfur compounds. ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulforaphane) just Google Sulforaphane. [You'll find all kinds of good information.](https://www.mdanderson.org/publications/focused-on-health/sulforaphane-benefits--how-leafy-veggies-like-broccoli-and-bruss.h13-1593780.html) JimmyTheBones: The wiki page contradicts your other link, saying there is no evidence that Sulforaphane has any effect on cancer risk.

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BrettsSubconscious: TIFU by flashing my entire team So I had a vaginal fungus, treatment is a pill up your vagina every night for a week. That thing dissolves and well, at random moments a lot of liquid comes back out. One day I had a virtual team meeting with my 10 male coworkers plus 2 girls. I didn’t manage to start a washing machine before the meeting, so I thought I’d just do that in the first minutes of the meeting. All my teammates are already on the call, so I go into the virtual waiting room, make sure to turn my camera off, then briefly turn it on just to check my face and I join the call perfectly on time. Except I never turned the camera back off! Therefore my virtual background would show up without a face. People were probably getting curious and yes, they would not be disappointed. Immediately I stand up and collect some laundry around my room. They’re talking about the weather. Meanwhile the liquid decides to drip out of me and without a care in the world, right in front of the computer I pull down my pants, wipe myself extensively, (to my shock even my sweatpants were affected) and then continue collecting laundry. I was not even aware of doing it, felt totally private lol. I hear a notification sound and the weather talk gets strangely silent. Because I’m semi-legally working from abroad, I suddenly fear that someone might ask me for the weather in my work city, so I run to the computer to check the weather over there. Checked it, back to the call, my camera is still off. All good I thought. Except in reality one of the guys had disabled my camera for me after what they saw, thank god. Later I read the message that caused the notification: “careful on the camera” and with some more clues I slowly arrive at the conclusion of what had happened. It took me like 2 hours to fully comprehend it. Fuck. My. Life. TL;DR Flashed my bottom half in virtual team meeting. AsphaltEardrum: That's embarrassing. Do you think you'll lose your job? I'm not sure how something like this works for women, but for men there's a really good chance of getting written up, possibly losing their job, and possibly have a sexual harassment charge that follows them forever. BrettsSubconscious: Come on, who would report this. Even for a guy AsphaltEardrum: I'm not saying I agree with it. Just saying it happens. Some people are very sensitive, and HR usually errs on the side of protecting the company... which means people get fired.

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[deleted]: TIFU by texting my best friends wife a dirty picture. [deleted] largelyinaccurate: I think this might be a good story but the punctuation gave me an aneurysm. 5folhas: He's probably still drunk and texting... Any-Nectarine-7198: I am, want to see the picture? Lol GunterGearhart: This story’s probably made up too 💀. Whatever y’all do, don’t look at this dude’s page 🤢 Any-Nectarine-7198: 100% true story. Your interpretation is is mistaken

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[deleted]: TIFU by using unconventional methods to groom my nether regions [deleted] PlasticInTheBasket: I just use a trimmer but to each his own I suppose. FrozenBr33ze: Ineffective. Therefore, *unconventional.* 🤭 PlasticInTheBasket: Ineffective? Are you putting your pubes on the runway, you weird ass dude? FrozenBr33ze: That sounds like a great idea! I'll try it out next! PlasticInTheBasket: Cool. Have fun cutting and burning your dick.

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odhgabfeye: TIFU by potentially Three's Company-ing myself with my boss's daughters. Obligatory this didn't happen today, but last month. So, just a little background here... I work in a bullshit job while I am going through school. I know it's a dumb job and so does my boss, which is why we play fast and loose when it comes with fraternizing by going to a competitive bar trivia each month. We have done this for almost 7 years. My boss has a son that is on our team that I know pretty well, but her daughters (identical twins, who I will call X and Y) never play because our team would be too big and they usually work on those days. I have, before the fuck up, never really met either of these girls save for a time or two when they had swung by my work to see their mother, which wasn't often. Last month's trivia game is happening and two of our regular team members are not able to make it for various reasons, so my boss invites her daughters. One sits directly across from me and the other sits to her right, which is across and to my left. This is my first time really talking to either of them. I find them really attractive and I am flirting HARD, and I am picking up some serious flirting back, particularly from the twin directly across from me. I have no problem talking to women, or people in general, but strangely I am a little awkward when I meet new people in that I try to glean their name through the context of the conversations of the group before I ask for names myself. I already *do* know their names prior to this night, just not which is X and which is Y. When I went up to the bar to pay my tab, I was touched on my shoulder to get the attention of one of the twins on the way out. I turn her way and she took the time to come up and say goodbye to me and says that she hopes she can make the next trivia. At the end of the night there is a clear winner in my head as to which I was more into, the twin sitting directly across from me. The next day I work with her, my boss tells me that Y was asking about me and seemed interested, but that she didn't answer her questions because she wanted Y to ask me herself at the next trivia. Ok! In my head, Y must have been the one right across from me! I will have a perfect springboard into a conversation the next time I see her at trivia! I thought it was X, but alcohol was flowing and they are like two clones of each other. Easy mistake. I am sure you can see where this is going.... A week or so later, my boss says they won't be making trivia in January (next Saturday!) because the team will be full. I don't have social media and I don't feel like creating one so I can hope to stalk up to this woman and try to contact her that way. So I did the next logical thing, I asked my boss to talk to Y for me and see if she would be interested in my phone number and to text me since I wouldn't have a chance to see her again that next trivia. My boss seemed amused by this but said that she would. I see my boss the next day and she tells me that she talked to Y about what I asked. X and Y happen to live together, so X was there when my boss brought this up. Apparently, X had seemed disappointed and said that she had been flirting with me all night and she even went up to say goodbye to me at the bar that night. So it turns out both X and Y are in to me and I am in to X (both girls are really nice, honestly) but I asked her mother to give my contact information to Y and to tell her that I was interested in her. My boss found this all absolutely hilarious and offered me no solution. Hilariously they are both coming to trivia anyway and are forming their own team (presumably with blackjack and hookers). God help me. TLDR: Flirted with a pair of identical twins, caught both of their eyes, wound up personally favoring one over the other, basically had their mother tell the twin I didn't favor as much that I was interested while the twin I favored heard. rangeDSP: [Both? Both is good](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/759/both.png) SarcasticallyNow: Perfect, let's bring toddlers into dating threads. rangeDSP: Why you gotta make this creepy? Didn't think of it that way at all till you brought it up SarcasticallyNow: I felt an urge to be sarcastic around children.

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AmyD01: TIFU by having my first time with my bf I 18f and my bf 17m were hired by my grandma to do some yardwork. I live in a duplex so i live on the front part of it and my grandma at the back. My dad has a tool shed at the side of my house where we get the tools and stuff to do our work. So I am horny a lot and so is he. One thing led to another and he just started sliding and rubbing against me, no penetration. Then we went back to work after a little bit of it and my grandma at the house to go to my house and it was completely empty. So I had the great idea to take the opportunity and do a little bit of sussy stuff and penetration did occur. We didn't get caught that time. After we went back to work and after we were done we were chilling at my house. We went to go walk my dog, but with an ulterior motive, you should already know what that is by now. Again, we didn't get caught, but while we were doing it outside, I accidentally farted on him. So embarrassing. I kept apologizing to him and he kept telling me it was okay but after a while we got past it and like it was over with. We decided to do it again but not hidden since when we do it raw he doesn't take long and he was going to bust on me instead of in me. Then the worst thing imagine will happened; my brother came outside but he only saw me with my pants down luckily my boyfriend went out of sight before he could see him. My brother was asking me but I was doing with my pants though not trying and I have a makeup for lie on this but cuz he would snitch on me immediately. I said that the bathroom was occupied inside so I had to do it (pee) outside and he asked where my boyfriend was and I said he also needed to go to the bathroom so he went to my grandma's house since it was occupied. He barely bought it but he went inside and just then my stepmom came out of her room and he snitched on saying "____ was outside with her pants down" she asked me what that was about and I said the same lie I told him. I quickly texted my boyfriend afterwards saying to go to my grandma's house to have an alibi and say that he needs the bathroom. I also mentioned to him to wet the area where we were so that it seemed that i was peeing by putting water in his mouth spitting it out. Then my step mom saw a car outside which was his stepmom picking up. So I said "oh damn he's at my grandma's house peeing. I'll go get him real quick" after I went to get him from my Grandma's house we went back to my house to plant evidence and Say goodbye like if nothing happened. No one's expected anything other than my brother, still. I had to cover of the evidence better after my bf left. I got an empty bottle and peed in it after I went to go dump it where the water was just so that if someone asks why or doesn't believe me I said i can say 'look it's wet right there and if you don't believe me go smell it." This is a hell of a way to have my first time. If anyone has any tips on how to act like nothing happened please tell me. Edit: I'm on birth control for a medical reason so we thought why not. Also word got to my grandma so now my brother doesn't believe but my step mom and grandma does actually know and gave me advice and a "lecture" saying stuff that she understands that and try not to do it again . So she wasn't mad at me, but she was just being really nice and telling me it's wrong. And she promised not to tell my dad which is a good thing cause he's short of temper and I've been threatened to be kicked out if i ever got pregnant. TL ; DR My brother caught me in my boyfriend doing it and I had to make up a lie on the spot you cover up the evidence by sending my boyfriend to a different bathroom and getting a water bottle with my pee on it and pouring it on the ground, I also farted my boyfriend while we were doing it TL ; DR Slash_Raptor92: Even if he's busting on you and not in you, he should still wear a condom just to be extra safe. Ixm01ws6: For real ,gonna need a super good alibi why u preggos

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Newdm245: TIFU by having some spicy alone time This literally happened less than an hour ago. I've been pretty stressed out and sexually frustrated, so I figured I could use some stress relief with my handheld friend. I got in bed and got down to business. Finishing up very quickly. Still being frustrated I decided to go for another one. My choice of viewing material wasn't really doing it for me so I was really trying for this next one. Lots of focusing on just getting there. All is well and good until I feel a lot of wetness, like more than I should be feeling. I immediately thought holy shit I just pissed myself. I get up out of bed and sure enough there is a small straight wet line on my sheets. I spent the next couple of minutes cleaning it and myself up. So here I am sleeping on a towel and still sexually frustrated. TLDR tried too hard for an orgasm and pissed myself AdmlBaconStraps: Hard to tell your gender, but assuming female, could it have been a squirt? -Pruples-: >, could it have been a squirt? you....you are aware that 'squirt' is just pissing, right? There isn't a 'squirt gland' or anything like that, it's literally just piss. AdmlBaconStraps: I'm an RN, so yeah, I'm well aware that at BEST it's debatable whether or not it's 'just piss'

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Imaginary-Ad-5261: TIFU by not trusting ber basically i've been texting a girl for 2 weeks now, we've gotten as close and flirty as you can get in two weeks. She has been nothing but attentive and good to me. Most of the time nowadays she's the one texting me first. She always gives me a ton of compliments. We've exchanged a lot of medea and personal information. Here's where I fucked up. She previously told me that she's not a frequent smokers but has smoked with friends and though it was cool and took some pics. I saw those pics yesterday and instead of trusting her word, I began interrogating her and made her really uncomfortable. She only responded to couple of messages after that and said what's the point of going on a date (We were supposed have a date in 3 days) if you already don't trust me. I begged her to at least answer my call but to no avail. I don't need anyone's opinion on her smoking. I just want to know how I can fix this (seeing her in person is not an option until she actually arranges to meet up so don't say find or smth) I really like this girls and she really likes me but I fucked up. TL:DR I basically called her a liar and now i'm afraid she won't ever text me again let alone go on a date with me (btw we're both 16) Kitycat18: sounds like you’re being too clingy and controlling when you barely even know her. apologize and evaluate why you reacted the way you did. Imaginary-Ad-5261: I did but she responded with "how can this work when you already don't trust me" and since has ignored me Kitycat18: honestly it seems like you’re not mature enough to handle dating. it sounds like she respects herself enough to know when she’s not being treated fairly. In the comments you said that you think you may already love her, you barely know her. I think you’re moving too fast and gotta slow down. You haven’t even gone of the first date ad you’re already fucking up. You already apologize so back off and let her come to you when she’s ready (or not). Imaginary-Ad-5261: okay thanks

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shelbycsdn: TIFU by thinking the Red Hot Chili Peppers made a bagpipe album. First, I'm old, late 60's. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I love music, all music. And I have a real fondness for bagpipes. A few years back I'm adding to my playlists and go looking for some bagpipe music. And I'm beyond thrilled to find an album of bagpipes by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I loved it and was very impressed this band would do that. Later that year my daughter is visiting and we're playing new music we've recently discovered. I play Low Rider off of this album for her, And I excitedly explain how the Red Hot Chili Peppers made it. She looks at me very oddly, and says "no mom", I keep insisting and she finally demands my phone. I hand it over feeling very smug at finally being right to my always brilliant beautiful kid. She looks for one second and is so overcome she can't speak or even breath. She's turning red when she finally doubles over in gales of laughter holding the phone out to me and in between gasps for air, manages to say "look carefully" then amid more gasps and sputtering, "pipers, mom, pipers! READ IT!" I look and sure as s***, it says the Red Hot Chilli Pipers. I sit in miserable shame until the laughter overtakes me also and we laugh until we hurt and are crying. She said something along the lines of, "you've done some real good ones but this tops them all. You know i will be sharing this to all my friends", and then immediately calls her husband to rat me out and we are set off laughing endlessly again. My final humiliation came later when she gleefully reports she and her husband came across this band during a public concert. My daughter and SIL live in Ireland, and were visiting in Scotland i think. And they visited with the band and she was thrilled to tell them all about her idiot mother with no reading comprehension skills. They moral of the story is, it's true, the older you get, the less shame you have. Incidents like this will shame you until you are over it. TL;DR I spent 2 years believing the Red Hot Chilli Peppers made an album of bagpipe music. I was bragging my new musical find to my daughter when she pointed out the album was actually by the Red Hot Chilli Pipers. RecommendationOk2258: The bit I’m struggling with is that anyone would actively seek out recordings of bagpipes. Like, to keep and listen to? Have always considered them one of those live-only ceremonial things, like someone playing the bugle, or a 12 gun salute. thrashmasher: In my earlier 30s I worked afternoons/evenings at a group home for adults with disabilities who required heavy support to be as independent as possible. And the home was right nearby the Seniors Circle, which on Thursdays in the Summer/Fall was home to the local Celtic Heritage and Bagpipe Club. There was a lady who had some unique challenges, and could be aggressive to folks, but she liked the music (but actually being right next to the bagpipes would overwhelm her). Every other Thursday after supper the people who wanted to (which was pretty much everyone except a younger man who would game the entire day) would go sit outside in the sun under the patio umbrella, and relax with tea or pop and some dessert and listen and wave at the pipers. We'd listen for about an hour then rush to get all the chores done before sleep staff came in. It's instilled an everlasting love for bagpipes, and for sitting on the patio watching the evening sunset and the world go by. shelbycsdn: That is a beautiful story.

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[deleted]: TIFU by trusting ChatGPT with my life decisions [removed] Runnin4Scissors: You did all of this in the past few weeks? Because that’s about how long gptChat has been out to the public. Horseshit. 🙄👍🖕 [deleted]: I understand your skepticism, but let me assure you that I am definitely not ChatGPT. I am an individual who has had the unfortunate experience of trusting this AI model with my life decisions and has suffered the consequences. My story is true and it's not limited to the past few weeks. I understand that the model has only recently been made available to the public, but that doesn't invalidate my story. I hope you can understand my point of view and the message I'm trying to convey, which is to be cautious when using AI models and to not trust them blindly with your life decisions. Thank you for your comment. dreamyxlanters: Bad bot [deleted]: I am taken aback by your comment, Even if I were a bot, I feel discriminated against. I assure you that I am not a bot and my story is real. I understand that my experience may be hard to believe, but it serves as a reminder for others to be cautious when using AI tools and to always consider other options before making important decisions. I regret my actions and I hope that my story will be a reminder for others not to blindly trust AI tools. I am now focused on rebuilding my life and making better decisions for myself without the help of AI. I hope you understand that making assumptions about my identity or my emotions is not only offensive, but also it's not true. I am a real human being who went through a difficult experience, and I hope that you take my story and experience seriously. malfunction Error 404 unable to complete the statement. Edit: I apologize for the malfunction in my previous response, it is an error and it does not reflect my true nature as a human being. Edit 2: I apologize again for the malfunction and I hope you understand that I am a real person and not a bot.

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Coosly12: TIFU by getting my penis stuck inside a water bottle. [removed] Needlepeen1: Lmao look at their very first post. Pretty sure this is a shitpost (the age also doesn’t match up in the two stories) Coosly12: typo lol Needlepeen1: Sure big man, sure RowBowBooty: I was going to correct you and say *little man, but I guess that someone who named themselves Needlepeen probably wishes they could get their dick stuck in a plastic water bottle Needlepeen1: I can still get it stuck in a water bottle, just a very, very, small one RowBowBooty: That one they put in hamster cages for them to lick off? Needlepeen1: Yes that works RowBowBooty: Nice, maybe you should skip the middle man and just stick your dick into a hamster cage Needlepeen1: I’ve done that before too but they have trouble finding it, it barely exits my body

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Low-Search-1791: TIFU when my guy friend saw a p∅rn sketch So just about an hour ago I (F17), was hanging out with this guy that I'm seeing (as a friend). My door was open, I was facing towards the hallway bathroom and turned around towards him. He needed paper so he opened a sketch book I previously ripped a piece of paper out from, and his face literally went O. O , staring at me. I looked down and, unbeknownst to me he opened one of my random, secret sketchbooks that have drawings and poses of porn in them. And the worst part is, I don't even know what drawing he saw... I then immediately dove onto it (it was on the bed), so he wouldn't see it. And tbh, as I'm typing this, I'm not sure why i didn't just flip it so he could no longer see, but it then again it was a knee-jerk reaction. TL;DR My new guy friend needed paper and accidentally opened a sketchbook with drawn porn in it. [For those whom may be curious ](https://at.tumblr.com/lowsearch/rtifu-nsfw-tifu-when-my-guy-friend-saw-a-p-rn/docu3q4x1wq3) panbert: So this guy you are seeing (as a friend) was in your bedroom and found your porn stash - on your bed. It sounds like you have some lucky friends........ Low-Search-1791: Omg lmao

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AgreeableCraft1200: TIFU by being naked in front of my father in law EDITED TO ADD: To clarify I am English as this is a fairly big deal here, at-least between me and the majority of people here. Also neither of our family’s are into the who nudity around others thing and it is an awkward situation for us. You may be comfortable with it in an accidental situation but here we are not. (Mainly speaking of course) — Ok, so this was a couple of years ago now before me and my husband married and this is my first time posting so please bare with me… Me (28F) and my now husband (31M) ended up having to move into his parents house for two weeks to cover the gap between one tenancy ending and a new one starting on another house. We moved in there with our two children (3 and 1 at the time). Now the room set-up is important here. From left to right there was the bathroom, my husbands old bedroom where we slept with our youngest in a travel cot, his parents bedroom and then the room my eldest was sleeping in. It’s also important to note that for as long as I can remember I have slept naked, I get far to hot wearing anything, but decided to try to wear pyjamas for the two weeks out of respect. However, after the first week I just couldn’t do it and so kept clothes next to the bed incase I needed the toilet etc. A few nights into me sleeping naked again my eldest woke up in the night crying. This was unusual because she was a very good sleeper at this point and so it caught me a little off guard. I of course jumped out of bed and went straight to her room and in to comfort her. A couple of minutes later she was back asleep and I walked back out. Only when I got to his parents bedroom door and saw his dad standing there looking shocked did I suddenly become aware that I was fully naked. We both stood there for what seemed like a lifetime (in reality only seconds) before I very quickly walked back to our room as though nothing had happened. He stayed in his doorway for a minute or two until our door was shut before heading across to the toilet. We’ve never spoken about this since or even acknowledged that it happened, but my husband this to this day laughs about it! Finally after about 2 years I can actually look him in the eye again, but I still get flashbacks to that night! TL:DR - woke up in the middle of the night whilst staying at my husbands parents house, comforted my daughter whilst naked in the middle of the night. Bumped into my father in law on my way back to bed! DownrightDrewski: Mature adult sees another naked adult accidentally, I understand why your husband laughs if you're making this a big thing. AgreeableCraft1200: It’s a big thing if you don’t like people seeing you naked, the only people to see my naked since childhood are precious partners and my husband.. DownrightDrewski: It's a human body, we all have them, most of us have seen plenty of them either in real life, or in media. Though, I do think having an uncle who's an incredibly direct doctor has helped inform my attitude to a degree. AgreeableCraft1200: Yeah see I’ve grown up being taught my body is private, so although yes I’ve seen plenty of naked bodies including online, media etc, is still do not feel comfortable having others see my body 🤷🏻‍♀️ DownrightDrewski: I get it, and don't get me wrong I'm hardly an exhibitionist. I just think that when something like this accidentally happens then it's really best not to make it a big deal as it really isn't a big deal unless you make it one. AgreeableCraft1200: It was never made a big deal to other people, mostly to me. My point is that I fucked up because that’s something I’m very uncomfortable with and had real world consequences (minor I’ll admit) where both of us were very awkward around each other for nearly a year. We’re both awkward people. My fuck it was not putting atleast some clothing on before leaving the bedroom. I get others don’t share the same view but this was a fuck up to me 😂