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I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts, I think my last friend might have killed themselves. I tried so hard I told them they could come stay with me. I was already extremely depressed and suicidal I truly don't know how to get through this. I am completely alone

I'm constantly correcting my posture, my feet, my teeth, my mouth, my eyes because I can't stop thinking about how they're not perfectly parallel. I'm always conscious of how my gait is uneven while walking and how my teeth are misaligned. Whenever the thought occurs, my brain starts thinking that I might have undiagnosed MS or EDS and if I don't do something about it then I'll end up not being able to walk. Or in regards to my teeth, my brain thinks that if I don't correct and hold my teeth together then I'll end up with a really asymmetrical face. This cycles just keeps repeating and I'm always stuck in these inane mental cycles. Does anyone else have this?

You're the poem of which I'm stuck at the refrain Just read the same page again in vain Freedom from you is all I demand For my strings are tied to your hands Like a monster over my head The abusive partner I regret Fragments of my mind rot like fallen apples from a tree You'd feast on what was left of me You engulf the ashes of the fires of you burn in my veins Yet you're the one who rises like a phoenix from my brains I bet you've never seen a woman so symmetrically cut and bruised The immaculate design I wish to lose

Woke up an hour ago after a 12 hour binge sleep. Now it's almost 8 AM here, gonna take another nap cus I'm too tired. Hopefully, I won't wake up anymore.

Had a bad episode and a strong flashback. Now my whole body hurts. My skin burns under the surface.

Welp, I'm still looking for a therapist to help me and still not successful but I've been actually been good with regards on not giving my thoughts any reaction but then i get a sudden sense of despair and think "what if you're just trying to hide this" or "you are a bad person" and i get anxious and wanting to cry but then i regain a bit of my composure and I'm fine like nothing's wrong I'd say i have pretty good memory but it's just my thoughts/rumination make me think whether i did something disturbing and weird and my mind gives in. I know that's feeding into the ocd but it's honestly so freaking hard and i try not to panic so much And with this whole memory thing it's honestly made me loose confidence in my actual memory so I'm even more upset 😭😭

I have Elvanse (Vyvanse) 30mg rising to 50mg in a week. I've been told to take then at roughly the same time every day. I tend to be later to bed two nights a week & sleep later the following mornings. Should I just take my meds when I wake up, or does it have to be the same time every day regardless? Is a different time worse than not enough sleep? Do you take your meds at the same time every day, or adjust depending on sleep/things you need to get up for?

I had a final interview today with a company that I was thrilled about but I am sure that I bombed the itnerview. I've been stressed out because funds are tight. I've been out of work for a few months. Financial assistance has been running thin and I feel like I am falling apart overall. I haven't been able to maintain anyone's interest in a relationship irregardless of how my finances/career status has been. I don't feel wanted or desired. I know that I am competitent in my field of work, I happen to struggle with some interviews. Every job I've landed I've succeeded in and exceeded expectations. Right now I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've noticed that I've been sleeping a lot more than I normally would. Doesn't matter if I have coffee or slept 8+ hours the night before or not. My eating schedule has been fairly normal. I just want everything to pause for a bit. The things that I've been looking forward to, an event or whatever has been constantly cancelled unexpectedly and has been beyond my control. I am beyond the point of feeling sorry for myself. I am not one to feel that way anyhow. I've been w firm believer that if you're unhappy with a situation, get off of your ass and do something about it. Well, I've been putting effort into improving my life but it's been washed away. I feel like an ant being washed away, spinning down the drain.

I don't know how to stop it. I have no energy to fight it. Haven't eaten, barely slept. I know I'm beating myself up, but I'm just lost. My thoughts are a mess. I miss you. I wish I wasn't me right now.

For example, If I came down my apartment from an elevator and not the stairs and suddenly someone asked did you come down the stairs? I would be confused and panic, not being able to remember the fact that I came down the elevator. I used to cope by telling myself- if I don't remember I probably didn't do it, but that's very unreliable as a pwADHD lol.

TLCR; Things that I know I like and genuinely want to do are locked behind a "I don't wanna" door and I haven't got a key. Looking for advice on convincing myself to do things that I know I will find meaningful. I feel like sometimes my brain forgets the things I like to do. For example, I know that I love drawing. I bought myself a very expensive (for me at the time) graphic tablet. I really enjoy using it and I often times have ideas for things that I actually WANT to draw! But for some reason I can't. I don't know if it's the idea of going upstairs to get my tablet and setting it up to use or the daunting task of taking in a project that's several hours long that stops me. I know that I have fun using it and that I love the feeling of completing an illustration. So why can't I just do it? It's so frustrating to not be able to do the things I like. My head is full of ideas and thoughts that I'm just unable to follow through on. There's nothing physically stopping me from doing what I want but it almost feels like I'm having to convince a second person that it's something interesting with a worthwhile outcome. In the end, I can deal with it at home. Usually I end up doing something pointless with no real reward. It feels like I just waste time with whatever random things I end up doing (scrolling usually). But if I enjoy myself while doing it, I suppose I don't mind too much. The biggest problem is at my new job. I've wanted this job since I was 16 (24 atm) and spent 6 years in higher education to become qualified to do it. I find the subject matter interesting and the outcome rewarding. But things that I WANT to do as part of the job role are overshadowed by having to convince myself to do them. As a result, things take me much longer than they should because I spend so much time corralling my thoughts and having to force myself to focus on the task at hand. By the end of the day I am mentally exhausted. Is this an ADHD thing or is this just my own brain being dumb? I'd love to know if there's any strategies that people use to get around that "I don't wanna" wall. The things I find really meaningful and important just feel unobtainable sometimes and the only one standing in my way is myself. How did you guys get over this? Any advice would be appreciated.

My husband got a tentative job but we have to move for it. I am scared AF because i have a hard time keeping a clean house, making decisions about what to do with the stuff we already have, and the anxiety of thinking that there is always someone looking at you to make sure things are neat and clean. Do you have any tips on organizing/cleaning when you have to move?

People don’t understand that if you have intrusive thoughts about hurting someone, you’re not actually going to, and often you know it’s irrational. People don’t understand that ocd is different from perfectionism. People don’t understand that you can’t just stop. People don’t understand that it’s so hurtful to people who suffer with ocd if they say they’re ‘so ocd’. People don’t understand that the thoughts aren’t always triggered by something and can come into your head at any second. People without ocd don’t understand one fucking thing about the disorder and they need to. It’s not right for them to keep acting like it’s a little quirk that sufferers can stop if they want to. They need to understand that it’s horribly debilitating, upsetting and unfair. Sorry, I needed a rant.

I am scared cause it’s something new for me. But I feel that I need to do this because health anxiety made me waste one year of my life. My therapist thinks I suffer from OCD because I am obsessed with constantly touching my body looking for lymph nodes or lumps. I have lots of bad intrusive thoughts. I got to the point where I feel no more happiness. I have no symptoms yet my mind is convinced I am dying. I hope everything will be ok even though I don’t know what to expect and I am also scared of taking pills.

Hi all, as title says I'm wondering how hard it is to be prescribed medication in Ireland. I've been struggling for years now and I know I have ADHD just been procrastinating about seeking help (as one with ADHD does). Specifically id like to know about the process (what you did to get help, what avenues etc), how long it took and what kind of meds are available (if any because Ireland is notoriously backwards with these things). If anyone has any experience at all I'd really appreciate their 2 cents thanks in advance and hope you're all well!

I have OCD over my teeth, I brushed them after I had some acid reflux in your sleep and apparently my you can sheen away a small layer of your tooth enamel. Which is exactly what I think happened because I constantly look at my teeth and I feel I notice a difference. I was just starting to feel better also, and this cratered me down to wanting to Jill myself again.

Does anyone else just get to a point in therapy where you just feel like “this is it”? Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do to move past what happened to me. I made progress in therapy 4 years ago and then made some last year- but I am still so affected that I don’t think I’ll ever totally move forward. It can be so exhausting to explain it to people in my life and I find myself that isolating and just dealing with things on my own is the best way for me to cope.

I always hated talking and having long conversation with my friends, it wasn’t because I hated my friends or anything it just wasn’t my thing like attention and all that stuff, now ever sense I moved 2 years ago I’ve just been craving attention and ever sense my EX left me I just been 2 YEARS LIKE WTF, yea anyways I hate her guts soooo IDK WHATS F***** WRONG WITH ME anyways have a good day and don’t trip?

A often overlooked trait of OCD is intrusive thoughts. Generally they're highly disturbing and distressing. Usually sadistic, violent and highly off putting. This can range from constants thoughts of getting stuck with your phobias or worst fears to imagining a slaughter where you are the perpetrator. And you have absolutely no control. And autism makes it difficult for me to connect to people. I just can't 'feel' with them. I'll still help and try my best to make them happier and I do feel like shit but it's impossible for me to show it so I often come off as a cold careless person. I've mad wit worse by intentionally staying cold and disconnected from people after a series of screw ups that probably landed me on some kind of watch list. Can't fuck up if you don't get the chance to. I had me convinced I was a horrific psychopath. Maybe I am a horrible person and this post is just a cry for attention. I hope it isn't, but a part of me is constantly screaming this as I write this post.

Which kind of games are a no-no and which ones are ok? Social deduction games like Among Us? Intense and noisy games like Left 4 Dead 2? Somewhat intense cooperative games like Overcooked? Party games like Pummel Party? Open-ended games with crafting and exploration like Minecraft, Don't Starve Together or Valheim? If you have any game to suggest I'd be very appreciative!

I’m 24. And I feel old. I think it’s because I’ve white-knuckled it for so damned long. I only processed some of it in the last six months. I’ve lived three lifetimes in such a short amount of time. I’ve been through more but also lived so much more than some people twice my age and certainly more than a lot of 20-somethings. What is also contributing is that because of college and the trauma that happened there, the last few years have been a blur... like how am I already 24? I know mentally that I’m not old. But I feel like it, and it’s depressing me.

I’m so tired of having bad memory, it makes me feel so stupid. I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies with my boyfriend for the last week and I can’t remember hardly anything. I get the basic plots but names and details are always lost on me. I have to ask questions the whole time and it’s genuinely creeping out my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand how I can forget a detail from 20 minutes ago. I’m just sad. I use to have great memory and now I can’t even enjoy entertainment. I just feel like a shell.

About ten years ago, I had a pediatrician perform malpractice over several months. My PTSD formed from this instance now makes it impossible and debilitating to even think about or discuss anything that breaks the skin. I mean anything. I'll be going to a new doctor soon and I was wondering ways I could try to get them to amend anything I may need to alternative methods of testing first, since I don't have the support to be sedated every time, nor the money to remain sedated ahead of time to avoid flashbacks. Any help is appreciated, since I haven't gone a few hours without flashbacks and breakdowns.

This group of around 8-10 boys in the neighborhood are running up to my door and window, knocking loudly, then sprinting away and hiding. They've been doing it since 7am and it's been going on for almost 12 hours on and off. Over the ten years I've been living here there has been so much vandalism and violence in this neighborhood. I'm afraid they'll break in or vandalize my car like people have done in the past. I have cPTSD due to severe childhood abuse, and one of those things was neighborhood boys doing this (starting when I was 6) breaking in trying to scare me, and hurting me, usually in a sexual way. I know I'm an adult now but I feel scared and powerless. My partner tells me to ignore it and I know that is good advice but it makes me feel more powerless. Ugh. I want to chase them down and yell at them. I don't want to hide like I used to.

I have midterms this week and that means my mother is harassing me about my grades and that I’m stressed and I feel like everything is falling apart I’ve barely managed to pass my tests so far I hate this.

Good morning all. I am new to The Reddit. I'm a very middle-aged Combat Veteran and Police Officer with CPTSD. I am somewhat (?) of a germophobe and hate when people touch my stuff, ie my desk, backpack, pens, etc. As Corona has started to spread (not trying to be political, just my thoughts) I naturally wore a mask. I don't ask or force people to wear masks around me, I don't get upset if they don't, but I wear mine most of the time out of my house. My wife thinks COVID is no big deal, which is whatever. Anyway, when talking to my wife, I told her that I know part of it has to do with my anxiety over germs, but part of my anxiety is from reading different articles from people on both sides and taking away what I can from that reading and my wife just blows it all off as anxiety. I have noticed that more and more from her. If she thinks I am doing something overblow, its always from my anxiety, there is no possibility that I can be legitimately concerned. Has anyone else ever had this issue with a loved one/friend?

I am trying to get diagnosed for ADHD and my psich said that I need to do 2 cognitive tests: one without taking any medication (like ritalin) and the second one 3 days after while on medication in order to determine if the medication helps. It sounds like such a wierd thing to do since they don't really do that with any other kind of medication. Also I am not really sure that cognitive tests are the best way to measure if the medication is working ... Did anyone else had to do the same thing?

I haven't really talked about my love of horror. Some people just have odd obsessions. Mine has always been horror. I have a ever growing collection. One of my prized posessions I actually found on my last community hab before covid. Went to what is now one of my favorite stores if not my favorite and they had the 1980's classic Happy Birthday To Me. I had to buy it. The 1980's are also my favorite era of horror. With modern horror I'm more into independant horror because those movies tend to be very well done. My favorite non horror movie has horror elements. Gotta be Edward Scissorhands. I've seen it over 1000 times and can still watch it often.

Tomorrow marks the 5th year anniversary of my best bud dying next to me. We were deployed together and shared some tough times. We were working a night op when we started getting shot at from all directions. I looked over right as he dropped from a bullet to the head. Please check on your vets. We’re pretty good at hiding things. Miss you Bucky.

i’m supposed to be getting concert tickets for a band i like tomorrow yet i’m so sad and don’t feel an ounce of happiness. i want to go, but i don’t feel it inside. i want to go but the negative feelings outweigh the big positive. feels like i’ve reached a new low. i used to jump around and cry about it. now i just want to sleep.

Hey all, I (14) have recently been dealing with pedophile OCD. I noticed a groinal response to a video of a man creepily slapping his very young daughters butt, and since then have gone down the rabbit hole. I remember things like being a kid and watching videos of mature looking younger kids, and the obvious demographic was creepy adults, but i was around the age of the kids in the videos. I start questioning the way i look at kids and how i act around them, but i’ve realized a lot of things. as a teenage boy, ANYTHING with sexual implications may not turn you on, but it will trigger some form of groinal response. and also, while the main demographic for those videos was creepy adults, not only was i around the age of the kids, but they had features of adults. i hope this helps anyone going through something similar

Maybe some can relate, but I have come to accept that by nature and nurture, from a history of neglect and abuse as a child, the normality of how this augments itself in the present… often presenting as an emotional response which is sudden and unexpected, and can take everyone by surprise, especially if in the present time you’re being rejected by others as an adult when you know/feel you shouldn’t be I take time to myself to talk through sensitive subjects, and I’m learning to say those subjects out loud followed by the words “but that’s ok…” Those 3 words, in it’s literal form, ostensibly minimises the events of the past, it couldn’t be farther from the truth… because it isn’t ok what happened to you (us), in all fairness we should be saying “it isn’t ok” but this isn’t a helpful thinking pattern… but by being able to say that it is ok, you’re in fact saying “it is how it is”, you’re normalising negative events in a neutral way, because it’s normal for us, and by being able to say “and that’s ok” we allows ourselves room to breath and hopefully a more measured way in becoming comfortable with all those bad things… Because whether good/bad, to us they’re all normal, and to support ourselves we need to put the past into context with the present and be ok with our reactions, because for us it’s normal… and that’s ok :)

TLDR: Can OCD make you question and fear all of your choices? Hi everyone. I (22F) was just officially diagnosed with OCD over the summer. I have had Generalized Anxiety Disorder for a few years now, but after experiencing more intrusive thoughts and obsessions I became to fit the OCD criteria and, well, here we are. I am currently undergoing my graduate program in college and recently I have been having repeated and distressing thoughts regarding my program choice. When I am in a non-anxious state I feel sound about my decision and I don’t hate what I’m learning (essentially I don’t display any “I hate my major” signs), but lately I have been experiencing these repeated thoughts where I’m almost convincing myself that this isn’t what I want to do. This has been a new and frightening experience for me so I’m curious to learn — Can OCD make you question and fear all of your choices? And if so, what is a good way to deal with this? I understand that this may not be seen as a big deal to many people, but it has been to me. And it’s very different from my usual OCD experiences so I am curious to learn more and hear from others. Thanks!

Hi there, recently I’ve been looking into whether I have OCD or some other condition, I was wondering if this is a symptom? Every day, if I touch something a certain way say to pick the object up for example I HAVE to touch it again but differently (anyone who does this will know what I meant) for anyone who doesn’t this is the best way I can describe it. I pick up my vape with my finger a certain way, I put it down and almost instinctively do the same but holding it differently. If I try to fight the urge i find myself completely out of focus on anything until I do it, it’s so weird. I’ve been doing this for a while now and just thought I was being weird but it seems to me like a symptom of something, researching this points me towards OCD especially since I experience other symptoms. (Unable to drink out of cups unless they are 100% clean, having strange intrusive thoughts and repeatedly checking locks etc). I don’t know for sure if this is OCD so I would love if anyone else has experienced this.

As of right now, I don’t have the urge to kill myself, but I do still have this lingering hate towards myself. I find myself annoying, clumsy, and I make the stupidest and most careless decisions without taking other people into account. But for some reason, people still care about me. They still love me. I don’t know if I’ll ever see what they see. What about me could possibly make people love me the way that they do? I appreciate it a lot. But I’ll never understand. I’m not special. I ain’t that great, to be honest. I just work, come home and sleep. I don’t really have a social life or anything. But I know I have to stay. I’ll keep making mistakes in life and beat myself up over and over, but taking my life isn’t an option now in my mind. I can’t. It’ll break everybody’s heart. And I’d rather break just my heart a thousand times over and get over it the next day, than to break a million people’s hearts and have it linger throughout their lifetimes.

I can’t find joy in my life. No movie, book, music or whatever entertain me. I just feel sad and empty all I do is clean and worry about cleaning. I can’t even finish my assignments for college. I am kind of desperate rn

Hello, I have been severely struggling over the past week when I made the mistake of falling asleep with an open window. I awoke with a stiff neck/muscle tension, and my mind immediately jumped to 'oh no, a bat must have come in and bit me in my sleep without my knowing.' This sent me into a spiral of research and intrusive thoughts that the bat not only bit me, but he escaped out the window without alarming me. I know logically this seems unlikely. I know that rabies in bats appears in less than 1% of them. Exacerbating my concern, I found that within the past month, two bats with rabies have been found in my county. This sent me spiraling and I ended up going to the Emergency Room, pleading for PEP treatment. I was of course denied this, because I could show no evidence of a bat bite, and I didn't actually see a bat come into my room through the window. I don't know what to do. I am having trouble focusing. I don't have an appetite and I feel hopeless that I'll be able to feel better.

As the title says it’s that time of the year where my ptsd acts up real bad. All of my trauma‘s happened coincidentally between the end of November-January. During the rest of the year my ptsd is there but it’s pretty manageable through therapy and medication I guess the good and bad part is that I was doing so good this year I completely forgot about how bad this time of year is I woke up to a terrible panic attack on Friday which is rare and ever since then I’ve been having vivid nightmares about my trauma. I blew it off as maybe I’m just stressed until yesterday I’ve had a few people traumatize me, but one guy in particular was the worst and I work as a medical assistant and that guy had a very common name so whenever I see that name is bothers me a bit but I get through it. However, yesterday I had a patient the same name and around the same age as that guy that I had to call and I completely froze. What if it was him? I know he moved states and has a completely different last name but what if ya know? I did call him and say his name even though I was literally shaking and then I had a patient come in with his name but way different age so it wasn’t as bad, but I still froze when I saw his name on the schedule Why and how does my body know every year to act this way. Usually I anticipate it and blame my extra anxiety on that but I didn’t anticipate this year and still. The vivid nightmares are back again I don’t wanna sleep I don’t wanna eat and I don’t wanna go to work having to see his name I don’t know if anyone has any advice to get through this. I know it’ll get better after January but fuck it’s been 4 days and I already can’t take it

I am not encouraged to cry. I wasn't encouraged unconditionally so I have PTSD. From being discouraged from crying. All you have to do is cry .... All I have to do is that. I was told to shut up. That's the abuse. That's the wound. I am not able to help myself. I was drowning.

I hadn't used my laptop in a long time and couple weeks ago I finally fixed the charger and was able to get it back up and running. That was a blessing and I am thankful for it- it made me appreciate having one and being able to use all the capabilities it provides. It also made me realize I have way too many files with very little organization(10 years worth of digital pictures, journals, homeworks, music, movies, memories and more). So I started organizing. And somehow I find myself organizing my journaling writings and got to a bunch of journaling I did in the summer I got PTSD. In the fall following it, it was all burning bright in my mind, clearer than anything I had known, and I needed to put it in writing. I didn't even know what PTSD was, just that the summer events were burning bright and crisp in my mind while the present was fading in comparison. So I wrote and wrote. It's a bit file. Maybe more than 30000 words. It's important part of history and I don't want to delete it, but I shouldn't have read it. Even with all the confusion when I wrote it, it still makes me sync into that memory, that feeling of going through something that trumps everything I know. That feeling of never feeling safe or at home, and knowing I have to prepare for survival, I have to do, I have to change, at that day, that moment, or else I won't make it. Somehow the way I've written it makes me feel exactly how I did then; small. Like everything in the present shrinks in comparison. Like I can't think about anything else, I can't move, I can't breathe and my mind is racing. Like my head is filled with cotton and I can't string a thought together that would make sense, and anything I need to do can and must wait. Like I'm headed for some sort of battle but I'm not ready and I must do something, anything, to get closer to my goals, or else I won't be safe. My head is a mess right now. I know it's my fault, but I still can't control it.

Not sure how how 'autistic' this is, but here's mine: the day i was eating peanuts and realized they tasted like peanut butter and had to let my parents know. "BUT DID YOU KNOW?!" the gummy bear and jelly bean names also confused me.

My sweet and lovely boyfriend has ADHD. Actually, this sub helped identify the diagnosis. He is an amazing cook and loves to make food for me, but if he's home alone, he won't make anything for himself :( So he ends up not eating or he will get some kind of junk food delivery. We're trying to be healthier though, so here is what I keep in the fridge that I know he will munch on. Thought some of you guys might find it helpful. **Fruit/veg you don't have to do anything to:** * Bananas, pears, apples, plums, nectarines, PREPARED mango/melon/pineapple, raspberries, blueberries, grapes, baby tomatoes (for some reason, avocado also makes this list) **Ready to eat meats and cheese:** * tins of tuna, pate, ham, salami, smoked mackerel, feta, mozzarella pearls, smoked salmon, pre-sliced cheese (e.g. emmenthal) **Pre-made stuff from deli section:** * Houmous, tubs of roast vegetables, olives, jars of artichokes or sundried tomatoes, tubs of salad things that he likes *(n.b. do not get things you think you should like but actually don't)* **Snackable nuts:** * Almonds, walnuts, cashews, mixed nuts, pistachios in their shells especially He makes me laugh because he will literally eat 4 pears in a row, a tin of tuna and a ball of mozzarella and be like, great, lunch done! Hope that helps :)

I honestly believe I have ptsd but I’m to afraid to ask my doctors or therapists about it because I’m still in the situation The situation is that I’m being abused by my family and even though I’m 21 I can’t afford to leave them I’ve noticed that whenever I’m spoken to in a stern voice I almost burst into tears regardless of whether I’m in trouble or not and it’s happening while I’m at work I’ve had countless nightmares about the abuse I freak out if I’m yelled at and if I’m ever even near an angry man I have to resist the urge to run and hide Is this ptsd? Or at least some version of it?

Throughout my childhood I would wake up early one day and get a wild hair up my ass to just move everything around. Furniture, posters, lighting. I'll keep the room clean for about a month or so and then I just can't keep it clean anymore. Does anyone else have this issue. I think I'm about do to pull everything out and out everything back.

I recently returned home from college to visit family and left my prescription Vyvanse there, where it was thrown out mistakenly. My psychiatrist has just informed me that he cannot refill my prescription because it’s a controlled substance. With finals approaching fast, I cannot be off my medication for almost two weeks. It’s already been three days and I have the worst headache, brain zaps, fatigue, and nausea, which kept me from going to class today. What should I do? Does anyone know of any remedies that mimic ADHD medication that I can use to hold myself over? I’ll take any advice I can get. Thanks in advance.

I was in a car accident. My head went through the windshield a quarter way at 35 miles an hr.This past January made 3 years. The year before this third, I was beatin by my sister in a hotel room repeadily smashed my head against a wall floor ect. I know it doesnt seem that big in comparison to other stories, but I am suffering so much every day. I cant explain the kinds of rushes that come over me the anger the happy the sad the anxt. I'm afraid of building relationships with anyone because of this situation. I have nightmares that are just absolutely unreal. I cant seem to grip much and its bothering me. I decided to go to college and I feel like I'm reliving the same thing over again as though I lived this life, died and I'm doing it again. Nothing feels completely touchable. I'm scared because I found a great guy and I have started to have memories of him as though he has been in my life before. Their terrible truths about who he could be, possibly potential secrets he is hiding. Am I losing my shit , or are these things normal? I know I need help, I just dont want to be put in a loony bin because of it. I sleep with my gun. She is my healthy relationship.I feel secure knowing she shoots and can kill. I cant ever see my sister again. I cant be around people to much it feels so overwhelming and taxing on my whole day. I want to be free.

At first, my OCD was just images and stuff. Now it's actually thoughts, idek what to do. It's actual thoughts and I don't feel the same emotional repulsion against it that I did in the past. My OCD is the fear of having a cuckold fetish, I don't think id o have one, it started when a friend said I have a cuckold fantasy as a joke and now I can't get it out of it my head, but it's transforming into something worse or going away but I can't even tell. It feels like If I ever get cucked I’d just stand there and watch, the emotional reaction against it isn’t there. I feel that the thoughts are less frequent but stronger. Like their telling “wouldn’t you enjoy it” I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I can’t stop them. I feel that I might even want it, but I don’t want it, never had. I’ve masturbated to the idea or theme of me being a bull in response to the cuckold OCD, but I don’t know if that’s helping or not. I went back to porn yesterday and the day before. I’ll try to refrain the best I can now, but I don’t know, I think I should try nofap.

Even video games. I’m shit as sports, school, and a everything else. This isn’t an exaggeration, I am not good at anything. Everyone always puts me down despite me helping them etc. I just fucking can’t do this anymore.

When I take Adderall XR or IR it only works for about 2 hours and that's it. Is this normal for everyone? I was wanting to see if maybe another medication could last longer. Do you guys know of one that might help with this issue? I think Adderall needs to be taken every 6 hours and I don't want to take it so far apart If it only helps for 2 of those hours. Any response would be appreciated. Thanks!

I know that if I died no one would truly be sad. In some ways, it feels sort of freeing. In others, it feels horrible. Knowing that those that proclaim to love you don’t and never truly did is hard to grapple with. Realizing just how far the depths of human selfishness and greed go is incredibly disheartening. Do I feel better about choosing to put myself first and be happy? Yes, but at the cost of knowing that at the end of the day no one else is going to care about me except me. I wish things were different. I wish my trust isn’t broken and that I could be happy with others, but I don’t want to hurt anymore.

I am 22 (male), I had to financially support my family since I was **12** because of my fathers debts, my mother has been emotionally abusing me my whole life (she is a teacher...), I have no friends, I don't meet ANY people and can't do anything I like (or anything I „don't hate") just because my mother thinks I should study ALL THE TIME. I should have been „put" into mental hospital years ago, but instead my mother insists that I have to keep studying law at the „best"/hardest university in my country. I actually dropped out of there 2 times already and I am about to drop out for the 3rd time. In my entrance exams I was easily 98th percentile (top 2 % of all applicants), but I can't focus on reading ANYTHING. Even when I buy a book that „interests" me, I still can't focus on reading a single page of it. My brain just zones out and my depression „kicks in". I can't read a single sentence of something that doesn't „interest me at the moment". My mental situation is so bad that I can't even go to the university courses anymore. Mainly because of my social anxiety. Even when I go to the university building, I just „hide" at the toilet because even the idea of entering the room full of other people makes me feel sick. I studied 3 universities at once for a few months (programming, law, economics) just because I am not interested in anything and I hoped that I would atleast „not hate" one of those topics. But I simply hate all of them. I need to do totally different thing like every minute (or every few seconds), how could I possibly study the same subject for YEARS? I am afraid I won't even be able to go to work when I stop studying because of all my mental illnesses. I would just lie in bed depressed all day until I finally die (as I do it already). I used to like computer games, but nowadays I don't enjoy even that. When I am rarely in the mood that playing a game would help me/have a „therapeutic effect" for a moment, then my mom tells me „Are you really playing games like a little child?" The only thing that helps me is music, but I usually have to change the song like every 10 seconds to „keep my brain entertained", otherwise it becames depressed instantly. I also need very fast (high BPM) music. I am so desperate that I am writing Reddit post even though I know that there is a high possibility that nobody is going to read it/help me. I don't even know if there is any help form me. I doubt it. I am having panic attack right now. I almost can't breathe. Thinking about my situation makes it even worse... I can't even go to a psychiatrist/psychologist because of my social anxiety. I can't even contact anyone. I am afraid to even open my e-mail. It seems to me that because of my mental state/depression I can't remember anything. It just feels like most of my brain simply disappeared during all those years of trauma.... I wanted to kill myself since I can remember. I don't even remember „not feeling depressed". I don't remember almost everything from my childhood. I didn't kill myself (yet) just because it would cost a lot of money to arrange a funeral (and my family doesn't have any)... Is there any help? Any hope? My mother thinks I am just a „good boy" (introverted) who is too lazy to study. She basically doesn't believe in psychology. When she sees my „symptoms" she just says phrases like „you are sad because of the weather", „you have to get more sunlight to have more energy", „everyone has depressions sometimes" (LOL), etc...

And them get offended that I shout at them (or sometimes grab them without thinking) like they didn’t just knowingly trigger me. Makes my blood boil

So for a bit of context im a teen with OCD. I’ve had this crippling obsession with developing schizophrenia, around the time this obsession started, i was on clomipramine. I had little to no compulsions but i was deteriorating from the obsession, me developing this illness seemed nothing imminent. So my doctor and I decided let’s give lexapro a shot. We did and it has helped my anxiety, it hasn’t really helped then obsession, only the anxiety that comes from the obsession. However a few weeks in I started to notice my compulsions were out of fucking control. I’m going to switch to luvox and i really hope this can help me. I’m losing hope as i feel like the schizophrenia obsession and these compulsions are destroying me.

If I was taught about sex at a age of like 5-6. would I have know what would happen to me at 8 years old. would I have been able to prevent it.

As I’m laying here on the sofa thinking about my whole shit life not physically but my life mentally was a shit show and now I want it back because it’s the only way I feel normal I feel so broken minded like I feel like a lonely sack of shit and I don’t know what to do with life

I'm father of a one year old boy, but can nor spend more than three hours with him without getting close to a meltdown. How do you resolve this issue?

Hey everyone, So the thing is from past few months I've been constantly getting suicidal thoughts nearly everyday. Earlier I use to be sad but never had suicidal thoughts. The problem is I never had friends and I'm all alone and have no one to share things. No girls are interested in me so getting a girlfriend was never an option. People call or text me when they want something but they never invite me. I want to cry but I don't why I can't cry. I stopped eating from few days and I completely lost my appetite. I use to love programming but now I lost interest in it. I just hope someday I die while sleeping. What you guys think I'm depressed or just sad ??

Have you still failed to find inner peace in this world?

I (23M) have had this problem for a long time, where I'll delete socials on a whim. It doesn't seem to affect socials I've used for a long time (Facebook and Snapchat have yet to have been given the axe,) but I've recently deleted Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, and OF. I have plans for each of these but when it comes down to it, I micromanage and end up burning myself out on setting them up. This compulsion doesn't just focus on social media either. I've deleted plenty of game saves because something just doesn't feel right and it's burned me out on attempting to play games I'm normally interested in. Does anyone else have this problem?

Hello, and thanks for reading. I've had insane, incredible vivid dreams for years, diagnosed with PTSD about two years ago, then read a few studies and articles about vivid dreaming connected to PTSD. I am doing better now than I ever have before -- I don't think about killing myself nearly as much anymore, and even when I do now it is only a passing thought. I stopped drinking completely and am now comfortable in my sobriety (at least for now), which I am so happy about. Things are okay for me right now. And I am maybe happy? Not sure what that feels like. The one thing in my way is the constant vivid dreaming. I can't take it anymore. It's every night. I don't want to go to sleep anymore because I'm afraid of them. I wake up sometimes hyperventilating because it feels so real, I am exhausted all the time from the intensity of the dreaming, even when they aren't nightmares. I wake up so out of touch and it takes a moment to distinguish real from dream when I wake up. I was wondering if anyone experiences this too, and if anyone has any advice on what I can do to maybe sleep dreamlessly. Thank you

Was just hanging out yesterday about to take a mid day nap, and was browsing YouTube for something to watch as I fall asleep. I was actually feeling pretty good ocd wise.  I guess because of the ocd help videos I’ve been watching on YouTube, it started recommending other mental health videos and there was one on schizophrenia.  When I saw it my brain was like  *\*wait for it\**  “What if your mental health gets so bad and you develop schizophrenia “ **Begin cycle**  I then started thinking about how the other day as I was falling asleep, right in that barely sleep/awake dreaming phase, I had jolted awake with the sound of a dog bark. Although I've learned today this is normal occurrence (stumbled randomly, wasnt seeking reassurance). I know this was just kind of a dream crossing boarders, but the ocd doesn’t accept that.  I know it’s ridiculous and have just told myself to accept it as an ocd though and that...who knows, I might develop schizo, I might not.  That didn’t help my sleep last night though. Fell asleep at like 12, woke up at 4 and my brain started spinning. Every time I would almost fall asleep, I would get jolted awake by an hypotonic jerk, or another sound from my barely dream state making it to my awake state.  this is so lame. My sleep was my refuge from this stupid illness, and now I can’t even have that D: I’ll just continue telling myself I might have it, I might not. That’s all I can really do. 

Edit: I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to me. This subreddit must be really caring.

Hi! My son is 9 years old, and in the 3rd grade. He is currently taking Concerta, and just bumped up to 2mg of guanfacine this week. We had his IEP renewal today and well, it’s not an IEP meeting if you don’t leave crying.. He scored above average intelligence, above average on reading but basically failed the part of his evals where he shows he understands the concepts for math and reading. He scored under 18% in all concept understanding. His team mentions he is constantly rushing, like he just wants to get it over with and doesn’t care if the answer is right or wrong, or if he makes silly mistakes on the answers. When the teacher was allowed to (like if it wasn’t a standardized test), she would reroute him back and make him try again or refocus on the problem he got wrong. When he does one on one like this and she makes him try again, he shows 85% or higher understanding the concepts. So my question is, how do we slow him down? Currently, he has a balance chair, and they use pressure pushes on the desk to burn off some energy. He also does wall pushups (for fun! Not punishment) to help the desire to rush. I did push for testing to be done with and without a fidget before I sign off on one all the time, because I know it will become a toy and not helpful. Any advice is very helpful!

Yep, that means exactly what it means. I'm sick of having thoughts of any kind. I'm tired of trying to reason with something I cant reason with. Im sick of worrying. I'm sick of trying to seek happiness. Everything. That happens when you have to put up a fight against your thoughts every day. When you constantly try to parry them. I've been suffering from existential OCD for 10 months now. It completely ruined my way of perceiving life. It even fucked up my sense of logic. Overwhelmed me with philosophical and existential thoughts to a point where I got emotionally numb, and I started feeling like an extraterrestrial trying to fit in with humans. I know it sounds vague but it's just so hard to put into words. I did everything I could to recover from it. I was willing to spend entire days on anything that could help. I just wanted to live like a normal person. THINK like a normal person. Like I did before 2021. I tried ERP, yoga and even Ayurvedic herbs despite of the fact that I don't think Ayurvedic treatments are too effective. I have to say, it has helped me a lot. I think it's mostly ERP probably. Even if some of it acted as a placebo, it did help. But the thoughts havent entirely gone. This entire process has affected my health in other ways and some of my other thoughts have slightly worsened. I get easily obsessed with some of my anxieties and I subconsciously keep thinking about them. And I'm so tired of this bullshit. Because not a day passes when I dont think about how all this has affected me. Sometimes I even doubt if these existential questions will ever stop popping up. Of course, I'm going to keep trying, but Im just so sick of being desperate. That's all I have to say.

my therapist diagnosed me with ptsd due to being stalked by someone who was once my friend. it went on for several years and not once did I ever expect it to have this kind of effect on me. because we’re taught that ptsd was for people who went through traumatic stuff. like war, like assault, etc. not stalking. people don’t take stalking seriously and because of that I feel like I’m overdramatizing what happened to me. but here I am, having a breakdown because of a sudden schedule change at work. I cannot deal with any surprises because of ptsd. I don’t want to celebrate my birthday. I don’t like going places where that person MIGHT be, which is almost every place I go. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t like posting on my social media because they’ve created fake accounts and try to interact with me. I get scared to check my email. when there’s a knock on the door I freeze. and when my schedule gets changed without my knowledge I become so enraged and terrified that I can’t stop shaking. at least I know why I react the way I do.

> The term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been associated with veterans since 1980, but existed well before that under different names. Only recently, first responders have begun to open up about suffering from it, as well. Across the nation, firefighters are dealing with symptoms of PTSD, but the stigma still persists. > > PTSD also affects local firefighters, who are beginning to talk more about it, even if only in the confines of their respective stations. https://www.wvnews.com/westondemocrat/news/firefighters-open-up-about-ptsd/article_da9ca274-4578-50ed-a7e9-65cae3e36485.html

I'm a timid person. I come off a little more confident online because obviously I don't have to show myself. Not that I try to bully anyone or anything. But I'm scared all the time. i hate people, i really hate people. they're mean-spirited, they'll step on you, they'll steal, cheat you. and you have to actually KNOW people to get anywhere. You can't just do everything on your own and not have to prove anything to anyone. Why does this world force you to be so fucking social all the time? I want to be left alone.

I was on 27mg of concerta but felt next to no change (good or bad), I only knew it was starting to kick in because my mouth would start to get dry and I was more calm and relaxed. My doctor switched me to 36mg a few days ago and I can feel an increase in focus but not on the right things I’m mainly using the meds to help with school, but i still seem to be procrastinating. For the first few hours I get a mild sense of euphoria until about hour 6 or 7 where I start to dissociate, get jittery, slightly anxious, and sometimes get shivers. Sometimes eating helps with the symptoms but the dissociation seems to stay until the next morning. I have only been on this dose for 4 days now so is there some sort of an adjustment period where maybe these symptoms will subside? Are these normal symptoms when you start a new dose? I should also note that I tried vyvanse 20mg and 30mg (for one week each) when I first got diagnosed and had a similar reaction. I would get super euphoric and during this period i was motivated to do any task at hand but then I would reach a point where I would suddenly get extremely tired and would have panic attacks. The whole time I felt dissociated. I’m afraid that maybe my body just doesn’t react well to meds. Has anyone had similar experiences or have any advice?? I don’t see my doctor again for a couple more weeks and i’m in the middle of finals so I need to figure out what do so asap!! anything helps This is making me contemplate if I even have adhd or not…..can someone please help??

I'm feeling really suicidal rn and I know I can get myself out if this like soooo many times before u just don't have the energy to. My parents hate me and we don't get along at all. I'm 24 rn and there's a high chance I'll have to stay dependent on them for atleast 2 more years. There's this fuckboi I just happen to like who wouldn't pay attention to me for reasons I don't understand and it's making me so sad because I very rarely like someone that much. And my brother's wedding is coming up but also a very important exam coming up which might basically help me not stay depended on my parents BUT I can't even study or help with the wedding preparations I'm so fucked. Exam is on 21st and wedding on 26th I have to even prepare a dance. Yes it's mandatory. I just want to kill myself tonight that's what my mother keeps screaming anyway (Tho she wouldn't want the wedding to be ruined and I don't either) Sorry for the rant Idk what to do I just feel exhausted.

I feel like my brain is nonstop chatter. obsession after obsession. It takes up 99% of my thinking everyday - when I’m not COMPLETELY distracted. I hate being alone with my thoughts. I just find myself wondering what it must be like to not think this way. What is it like to not be burdened by intrusive thoughts. How do these people just… sit alone with their thoughts… or just… how???? LOL i cant even imagine. Is it quiet?? Idk man

Has anybody taken more than 2 SSRI's for OC that worked but eventually stopped, try a third that worked also. I was on Prozac that worked then stopped and then Luvox that worked and stopped and now on Zoloft to see if it will work.

I really hate the fact that I waited for someone this entire year only for them to move on. Even though it took a while to happen it still hurts. I don’t know which would of been worse, them finding someone fast or waiting a long time and then they find someone. They for real left my ass leaving me miserable as hell while they’re probably happy right now.

Why is it if i talk too much its a bad thing but if i talk small talk the conversation dies. Im horrible at picking the right questions or phrases to the point only i initiate anything ever. Why do i have to push so gosh darn hard. Update: Thx fam i smalll talked for over 40 mins with my dad grandpa and mother in law.

My landlord is having the condo I rent appraised but I have contamination OCD and it's been off the charts because of the pandemic. I've been pretty good since I've been on luvox but this has triggered me through the roof. I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do.

CW: Self Harm / Suicide Throw away because people know my other account. I'm thinking this will be my last Christmas. I'm done. It hurts, and I'm just tired. I'm tired of continuously trying. I'm tired of being sad, losing hope, and really the only thing getting me through is the thought that this could all be over in a few weeks. I love Christmas, so I'm going to enjoy it. I'll enjoy being with family one last time. Enjoy being with my pets and having some semblance of happiness. Then it'll be over, and I'll be free. It sounds... relieving, to be honest. I'm not reaching out for help. I'm not asking for people here to tell me not to do it. I've heard it time and time again. I'm just looking forward to my last Christmas.

I was raped by a female family member when I was 5 and she was 12. I have only recently regained all these repressed memories and had a near complete breakdown. It has caused me trust issues that run so deep, the moment I meet someone I’m on guard and expect them to try and hurt me. I feel broken, like I’m too broken to ever have any kind of healthy relationship with another person let alone a partner. I feel like my PTSD is so exhausting to me that I’d never want to push it on another person and I can’t think of many reasons why someone would take the time to understand and listen. It’s too much and it hurts. I feel like any chance at normalcy in my life has been destroyed and I have no idea how to rebuild. It feels very lonely Edit: Thank you all for your stories and advice. I just wanted to clear that I am in and have been in therapy for a while and it has been beneficial. I know I have a lot of trust issues to work out and hearing and reading everyone sharing and helping one another is the best thing I could’ve asked for.

always i tried to get help, always is a closed door for me, i never get real help, now i'm almost a disabled and i'm not capable to do nothing, absolutely nothing more bein like a parasite for my father and sister, i'm a neet, i can't even do the most simple jobs, my life is ruined, fucking ruined because i'm never get real help even begging for that

anyone else experience this? this happens even when i don't try to suppress it as well but it's more frequent when i try to. it's very disorienting.

I'm 19, have had an apartment for just about a year now. Working full time making just above minimum wage. Have a girlfriend but all we do is hang out in my apartment and watch TV. I come home everyday listen to podcasts and drink. Usually I sit and think about how I could better myself and try and find hobbies to occupy me and bring me happiness. But day after day I do the same thing, telling myself I can do it and then merely giving up after one thing goes wrong. My anxiety and depression is getting worse I can barely look people in the eye anymore and have random mental breakdowns at home. All I want is some reason to continue living. I grew up being bullied a bit and not having much parental guidance which led me to be a almost 20 year old man who can't do basically anything.

Without giving you my whole life story let me just say that life has not been kind to me. Not that I expect it to be. I know everyone goes through things. The only actual illness I've been diagnosed with is ptsd from a nasty car wreck I was a passanger in. I was terrified of driving before that happened but I now get to use that as an excuse. Just thinking about driving a car makes me sick to me stomach. I get paranoid going for walks because I've been beaten by the police in the past and I dont want to do anything to attract their attention. I'm worried that someone might call and report me to CPS if they see me walking on the sidewalk with my son in a stroller even if he's bundled up. I feel like people are so quick to report people for the stupidest things. I just feel like the world is such a scary place. Please help.

Has anyone here had a compulsion that is physically impossible or damaging to actually perform? Like the urge to touch hot stoves etc? I've been having a compulsion during the past few days to throw up everything I eat. This is clearly very dangerous to my health to actually perform, and I've been trying to resist it, but it causes me immense stress. Especially when I have to swallow my medicine and I just *want them back out* but obviously I can't. So far in my life I usually just give in to my urges because they don't cause much hassle (touch this wall 11 times etc) but in this case I can't, and I'm at a loss. It's very distressing. Has anyone here dealt with similar stuff?

I've been out of school or school-type situations since graduating uni in 2016, and I feel like my brain has turned to ADHD mush in the past few years. I read constantly, books and articles and dumb internet shit, but it's not the same sort of stimulation as a classroom setting, bouncing thoughts and ideas off other students and learning new stuff from a teacher. The whole classroom situation of lots of voices/perspectives/ideas from lots of people etc really helped me learn in uni because it felt like such varied stimulation all the time. I feel like my brain struggles more to comprehend complicated writing or deeper concepts because I'm not flexing those mental muscles in ways that my ADHD enjoys, so instead it just drifts in the distractable mush instead of focusing on cool new info. How do y'all find adequate mental stimulation once you're no longer in school?

(18m) I've been on adderall for a few years now and about a year and a half ago my hair started to thin. My hairloss looks like regular mpb with the thinning crown and receding hairline but there seems to be an unusual amount of thinness on the top of my head and even where the hair is supposed to be no thinning. No one in my family has a history of early balding, and I tried to tell my mom to bring me to get my blood tested but she procrastinates.

used to cut myself as a compulsion is this common? In a like “cut yourself or something bad will happen” kind of way.

Often I find myself explaining what I meant because I have cut some corners in the story, or forgot to tell some important details. Yet when I ask the people that keep asking me these questions to explain what they meant, whether there was a double meaning or even just whether it was literally or figuratively. They act all dumb, refuse to explain and start asking me questions about why I think that. Is that normal, or should I just cut those people out of my life? Edit: there are two kind of people, thos described as above and those that I feel ask questions to understand me and genuinely answers mine when I ask them, without making me feel dumb.

Pretty much as the title states, when I fail a compulsion (for me it’s magical thinking, like I failed because I’m taking a sixth step when the clock changes or something) I get a stab of anxiety which often lingers and gives me a feeling that whatever else I was doing is now “tainted” somehow. For those with similar issues, how do you cope with this? What do you tell yourself, or what action do you take? I know these feelings are all on my head, but it can be overwhelming at times, especially if my brain is trying to tell me something bad is going to happen as a result.

Hi everyone, I hope the holiday season is treating you well. I will be starting Zoloft very soon (I picked it up today, but not sure when to actually start for a few unrelated reasons I won't get into now) and I wanted to ask what the side effects were like for those of you who have used Zoloft before. Just that, that's all, have a great day!

Last night i was just laying in bed trying to sleep & it just hit me really hard i did manage to get to sleep after like 4 hours of talking myself down but it didn’t go away when i woke up. I did manage to get some stuff today but rn it’s hitting hard again i don’t know whats wrong or how i can stop my brain. Please help

So in addition to my extreme intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors, part of my OCD is what i call quiet organization. I’m a messy person, I’m not super organized in my room or car, but there are times and especially if its a tedious task that i will be so meticulous and detailed and it makes my brain so happy. I work at a distillery and we tend to be slow during the weekdays so our manager will assign us side (mostly cleaning) tasks to do throughout the day. One of my tasks was to gut and cut a pumpkin for decoration and my other one was organizing drawers by the bar. They ordered drawer dividers and when they came in my heart skipped a beat i was over the moon. They usually assign me tedious tasks because of how much they make me happy. I also love puzzles so taking apart the drawers and reorganizing them however i wanted was icing on the cake. Sometimes OCD comes in handy and sometimes (although rarely) can be satisfying.

feeling worthless, hopeless, confused, lonely, i dont know what my purpose is. i dont know how to find it or if i will ever find it. i have no friends, apart from a bunch of idiots that i only talk to at school. they are hardly into anything that i am into. i live with my family, although to me they just seem like strangers. theyve made my life hell in the past and kinda still do today. i especially hate my dad because he wants me to be muslim and i never want to be one due to personal reasons. you may know why, you may not. since i am locked up in this house like a bird in a cage, i devote most of my time to this computer. i primarily watch anime because it makes me feel better, more powerful (when cool anime characters win fights, etc), and also gives decent advice as far as i can tell. i've wanted to become a coder, but once i stick to one task my brain is like do this then do that. there is an account i want on MineCraft. can't get it, i especially hate losing and loss. i cannot tolerate it because i am a loser. i consume high amounts of coffee because for some reason it somewhat stabilizes my brain and makes me feel a tiny little bit better. however, my parents keep begging me to stop because 'one day it will make my heart stop'. but i honestly can't give a crap anymore. i doubt there is anybody like me. but if there is, i'm sorry for you.

I in no way want to trivialise the mental anguish of depression, I haven't been formally diagnosed , but a GP once said I have symptoms and I should come back for a referral, I never went back. today was a particular difficult day I haven't left the house I haven't even washed or brushed my teeth. I don't feel sad I feel numb and completely demotivated from doing anything I have been in bed for hours not wanting to move. Not all days are like this thankfully. I am quite hungry but I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Am I just lazy and horrible?

I haven’t told this to my medical team yet but that’s because I’ve recently had this whole wave of emotions and glimpses into memories. My dad verbally and emotionally abused me. People deff have had it worse but it was enough to really fuck me up. He was severely mentally ill. He isn’t anymore, so I’ve forgiven him, but I stuffed shit down. I just got my first what I think is an episode. I feel like back in the situation in the sense that my body and brain are reacting to old threats from my dad and severe bullying. Lots of controlled crying (I’m impressed I can compose myself to write this) but I know tomorrow is going to be hard to get through. No stranger to mental illness and I know my body will be dead tomorrow and I work in nursing so, kinda demanding rn. I can’t take a day off tomorrow but in a week or two I would. I’m not diagnosed and maybe I don’t have it. But my friend who has it thinks I have it. I trust her but I’m so terrified of the work ahead of me. I’m just ranting idk how y’all do it.

New here- so if I break some sort of "code" I preemptively apologize. My son is 9, DX w adhd and also an extremely high IQ. (may be irrelevant) Last week at baseball he hit a friend in the head with his bat pretty hard. He's absolutely ever been violent. He was not mad at all, they were playing. He was just not thinking at all. It seemed like a "what will happen" experiment. I can not explain how bad we feel. The kid got a concussion. My son feels awful of course but.. I can not wrap my head around why he would do this. He did get kicked off the team, so the punishment matches the crime and he's been very remorseful since. Has anyone else done something so careless and hurt someone? How do you explain it to people? How can we as parents help? Any insight or advise is helpful.

I'm diagnosed with OCD traits and I would like to know if you think those thoughts are intrusive thoughts and if you have experience something similar. So sometimes I think people can hear my thoughts, I even hear my thoughts like louder inside my head. I also fear that there are monsters inside my walls, or that there are bugs inside of me or that I'm dying and rotting inside. I also thought during a week that my loved ones were replaced with clones bc aliens were spying me, and that aliens were trying to poison a loved one. I have this thoughts in waves, they come and go, I don't fully believe them 100%but I do, it's weird to explain. Like they give me a lot of anxiety bc of "what if". Are those intrusive thoughts? What should I do?

I was wondering if other aspie brothers and sisters liked dancing or not. I hate it with a passion, but was wondering if it could be tied to Aspergers or I'm just a boring person lol. I find that nt's burst out in dance if they're excited, like light stimming.

So one day I saw my boyfriend without the expectations of feeling a certain way, it worked for me for a while I suddenly felt like I loved him, that I was excited to see him, that I was able to feel happy agian, my obsession was gone for a minute or so then it came back I was doubting if he was the one agian. Does anyone have this? Why did I feel that way is it not true?

Is just, I get drunk and then can't stop touching and looking at things (as long as is not bright lights) sounds are even more annoying to me, but anything tactile, a cushion, a cover, a dog, a shirt, even a particularly soft or warm or bright looking skin, I just can't stop myself, it is very pleasant, it is also very troublesome. Because I'm asexual and people interpret things wrong. I want to touch things not have sex. Ps. I've never used any kind of drug, just alcohol and antidepressants. Never together.

I live on a top floor of an apartment, and since it's an old building, the unit directly below can hear everything. Every footstep. The housing office said they got a noise complaint a few months ago, and ever since then, I've been very careful about making noise. Too careful, to the point where it's hard to relax. I am up early, during quiet hours, and often find myself literally walking on my toes. Literally. Because I don't want to disturb anyone. # An Unwelcome Visitor The other day I was listening to an audiobook while doing dishes. Normally I would wear headphones, but I get tired of having them in all the time. During quiet hours I must use headphones, and at the current time it's outside quiet hours, so I felt it would be OK to listen on my speakers. It was turned up just enough so I could make out the words over the running water. Suddenly, I hear a BANG BANG BANG like the sound of a cannon. I compare it to the sound of a cannon because it was LOUD. I jumped and instantly felt the flood of addrenalin caused by the sudden booming. I soon realized it was coming from my door. I stopped the audiobook and looked through the peephole to find a man. We'll call him John-- the tenant who lives in the unit below me. He looked furious. He then talked to me through the door: *"Turn that f\*\*\*ing thing off right f\*\*\*ing now. I mean it. I am tired of you constantly stomping around. If you don't cut it out I'm going to come up here and bash your f\*\*\*ing head in."* I was too shaken to respond, and he turned around and left. # The Aftermath I immediately called the housing office to report it, and then I called the police to file a report. The police showed up at my unit a few minutes later, and had me explain it again. The officer was very sympathetic and said he's lived in an apartment before and knows that every footstep can be heard below. He went down to have a chat with John, who denied coming up to talk to me, but did grumble about the noise. The officer knew he was lying but couldn't do much since I had no evidence and my description of the man was vague (I haven't seen him enough and I was too shaken to remember what he was wearing). The officer was clever though and said to John, *"If you happen to hear of anyone banging on someone's door and making threats, be sure to remind them that this is illegal and can result in an arrest."* The officer came back to me and recounted his conversation with John. It is a little comforting to know that John has now probably been scared into never doing that again. The housing office also said they would address it with him, though could not give me any details. # My Thoughts It was likely an empty threat. I don't know the man well. And I don't think he even knows what I look like, which is comforting. I do know the neighborhood well, and it is a very safe neighborhood. Lots of families and retired people. Crime rates are very low. I do not want to bend to his threat in any way. I should be able to listen to something on my speakers during non-quiet hours without being afraid of someone trying to hurt me. But part of me wonders if I should actually just move out. I hate to do that since I love where I live now (except for my downstairs neighbor). Any other place would be not be in as good of a location, and would not fit my needs the way my current place does. Right now I am home. I can't fathom how someone would be so unreasonable. He bangs on my door as hard as he can, and makes demands and threats due to my normal living noises. The irony here is that out of every sound that has ever come from my unit, the loudest by far was the banging on my door. The noise HE made! # The Question It's been about a week, but I can't stop ruminating on it, especially when I make a noise that may be heard below (which is pretty much every footstep). Should I just move out? Or should I accept that this happened, but I am not in any real danger?

28M, live in the UK, diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in December 2003 when I was 11. Thought I'd start by giving some of my more long-standing autistic traits. * Social interaction's always been difficult for me * VERY particular around food, though I'm better than I used to be, but there are still some things I won't eat - mushrooms, for example, as the texture's unpleasant and the smell makes me want to vomit * My co-ordination's usually quite poor, and I still struggle with things like doing shoelaces up & I'm not fond of trousers with buttons on the fly * Slight oversensitivity to bright lights There are others as well, which have become more apparent over the past few years. I didn't realise how much noise can affect me until a couple of years ago. I was in an amusement arcade in St Ives in Cornwall on one of the bingo machines there. I was doing well, but the noise made me lose focus at crucial times. A few months later, I got some noise-cancelling headphones (Sennheiser HD 4.50 BTNCs, if anyone's interested), and the difference they've made is astounding. I don't wear them all the time, but tend to if I'm out and about, and they're so good. The amount of road noise they cut out is amazing. I never really noticed sensory issues with clothing until a year or two back. I tend to wear tight-fitting jeans, as I prefer having the material tight to my legs. Not a fan of loose-fitting jeans, as I don't like the material randomly hitting my legs. My work trousers are loose-fitting, and the material's quite thin. Not keen on them randomly hitting my legs either. It's also one reason why I can't wear boxer shorts as underwear - too much material, makes me feel sweaty, and they bunch up under my trousers. Has to be boxer-briefs or briefs for me, but I can't wear anything cheap, as I find they're often made of low-quality material and aren't cut in the right way for me - a problem especially apparent with briefs! Bought some jogging bottoms with zip-up pockets a while back, and they're SO comfortable. Not wearing them in warmer weather, but they're really useful when it's colder. I have a lot of stuff in my pockets, and with another pair of jogging bottoms, they had no zips, so stuff would always fall out whenever I sat down. Since the pandemic, I've noticed I've been stimming quite a bit more. I don't know whether the stress of everything that's been going on has caused me to stim more, or I've just noticed it a bit more. The main two are tapping my feet and moving my legs in general when sat down. I'm really self-conscious of doing this when I'm around my parents (and other family members, for that matter), but can do it in my bedroom or at work with no problems whatsoever. The other is chewing things. I only ever tend to chew the end of my pen (not the nib end) when I'm at work and not wearing a face covering. At the weekend, on a long car journey home from a day trip to Reading with my parents, I realised that chewing my pen's a form of stimming, and thought it may be worth getting some chewable jewellery to use instead. Having said that, I know it may not be a good look during COVID to have this in a retail setting. Also, it could look weird for a 28-year-old to be chewing on something around his neck, but hey - I've seen much weirder things during the time I've spent working in retail! I feel it'd be worth mentioning meltdowns. I never really have them, though I ended up experiencing one a few weeks ago which left me feeling rather distressed. Because I don't normally experience them, I wasn't sure what to do, which left me feeling even worse (thankfully, my boyfriend was there and helped to calm me down). Have I had meltdowns in the past? Probably, but maybe I just didn't recognise the signs. Or maybe I'm often good at recognising signs and putting things in place to prevent meltdowns without realising it! I'd be intrigued to know what other autistic traits people have come to realise as they've grown up and experienced more of what life has to offer.

Hi all, I’ve never really introduced myself to the community, I am a 28 year old female diagnosed and treated for inattentive ADD as of March. I have a few great ideas I really want to see come to life. I can’t ignore them, but they are also things that I am not really trained in. I just graduated in 2020 with a BSc., and these personal project and business ideas are simply a result of my special interests and pastimes, and have nothing to do with what I’ve been training for. I am constantly understimulated at work , it’s an entry level job suited to my degree, and the promises of it taking me somewhere seem too far away, and like they move further from my grasp everyday. Instead, I spend all day listening to podcasts that make me acutely focused and better informed on the ideas that I am having. I just read an article that talks about how great people with ADHD are in entrepreneurship roles. I love the idea of being in control of my career in the way that a business owner is, and every dream career I’ve had is something I’ve made up in my brain and doesn’t exist (yet.) What I really want to do next is map out the stages in my projects so I can plan for success, and gauge my progress. I’m not sure where to find resources on how to map it out though. Thanks in advance to this community for any advice or comments! I welcome all the words!