Q: Happy new year, Bill. What's your new year's resolution?
A: any goal i make that's not on new years. because new years resolutions are famous for being fake things that people only think about in the new year season. so to counteract this, i use the phrase 'new years resolution' to refer to any goal i have at any time EXCEPT for the new years season, because during the new years season it might get misconstrewed for one of the fake ones