Q: I wish I understood music theory, but if that means acknowledging that before I get good at music theory I have to be bad at music theory, --
A: don't forget, it 100% revolves around the way the music sounds to you, and finding naming systems for that, and also learning some of the names that the wider world at large has used, for things YOU can hear. but if you're not connecting it to how it sounds, then it will be beyond useless