Q: which makes it hard to figure out how to adjust your be-settings.  what is be? well be is me. i guess. and what don't you like about you?     that i'm so self-absorbed that it blinds me from seeing when i'm being ridiculous and broadcasting my ridiculousness      and it's not that i'm all bad but i'm pretty bad           why do you have to be so mean to yourself?           because that's what i was taught to do.          i guess.      if you could forgive yourself, do you think you could find the strength to be as good as you can be and improve?
A: it's important to realize that the reason you put so much pressure on yourself is because it means very very much to you to be the absolute best best thing possible. you have high standards because you are the leading authority on best-ness. at least that's the way it appears from the way you are approaching this