Q: but how do you find the right thing? just listen? but that's so hard to do when everyone around you is so loud and tries to tell you their own ideas of what the right thing is, and it's even harder when your thing doesn't exist yet
A: it can be stressful when everyone is re-enforcing the same old ideas.  but the fact that you have the feeling of wanting to break away is proof of existence. photo-copy that and stamp it as proof that you are real.  then just start building upon that.  set up some free space where you are free to brainstorm ideas and save them.  your situation sounds very familiar to me, and i would be glad to give you more tips.   please get in touch if you need to, my email is on the email page