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231,501 | Next time you're asked "What's Up" respond "A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house." |
231,502 | Is this your 1st video conference call? *Takes HUGE bong rip* *Holding it in* umm no So you're aware we can see you? *Cough* what *cough* |
231,503 | NASA's Scott Kelly is back on Earth after spending a year in space He found out how many states Trump won and left again |
231,504 | Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you. |
231,505 | There's 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't. |
231,506 | /r/Jokes just surpassed /r/AskReddit in users! I lie... |
231,507 | Whats worse than eating 10 oysters out of your girlfriends vagina? Realising you only put 9 in |
231,508 | What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer? None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash. |
231,509 | A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet. |
231,510 | *knock knock* "Who's there?" "Dejav." "Dejav who?" *knock knock* *edit : thanks a lot for appreciating the stupidity |
231,511 | Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It's what he would have wanted. |
231,512 | What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root. |
231,513 | I am trisexual I'll tri sex with anyone |
231,514 | Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent. |
231,515 | Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"... Me: "...How is she?" Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...". |
231,516 | Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! |
231,517 | DYK Mozart never suffered from stress He always kept his composer. |
231,518 | Why did the Mexican guy rob a train? He had a loco motive. |
231,519 | I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig. |
231,520 | What's Black & Rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre |
231,521 | Do you like oranges? Well I am bad at colloquialisms! How you like them oranges?!?! |
231,522 | What did the dragonball z fan say when he wanted to go to the toilet? I need to goku the toilet |
231,523 | I once dated a mortician... it didn't work out because I'm not that much of a mourning person. Though she was a real head-turner. |
231,524 | How to get personal space If there's a lot of people, just yell "Allahu Akbar" for a rapid evacuation. |
231,525 | Why is it called almond milk? "Nut juice" wasnt very popular. |
231,526 | When I broke my back the doctor said I had to start sitting down to pee... Because I'm not allowed to lift anything over 25 pounds. |
231,527 | my son is only in 4th grade but he snap chats at a 7th grade level |
231,528 | A guy called out over the radio that someone spilled chips at work... Turns out they were Flooritos. |
231,529 | In which country are they refusing to use wi-fi and bluetooth? In wireland |
231,530 | At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52" |
231,531 | The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink |
231,532 | I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six. |
231,533 | Is a pamphlet just a smaller pamph? What the heck is a pamph? People make no sense. |
231,534 | Hi, I'm a high paid business consultant. I see you've named your business "Dale's Paint Supplies" but what if it was named "Best Dog Memes" |
231,535 | I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck. |
231,536 | I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather |
231,537 | Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop |
231,538 | Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria? They caught him stroganoff. |
231,539 | Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son? I don't know son, ask your grandfather... |
231,540 | If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!! |
231,541 | What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean |
231,542 | What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all! |
231,543 | My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on. |
231,544 | A duck walks into rehab "What're you here for?" asks the desk lady. "I'm addicted to quack." |
231,545 | If the opposite of "pro" is "con"... Then what's the opposite of "progress?" |
231,546 | And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"... But John came fifth and had to eat the biscuit. |
231,547 | I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week I'm a student loan collector |
231,548 | What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat |
231,549 | Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: "Why the long face ?" |
231,550 | knock knock... "knock,knock" "who is there?" "KGB" "KGB who?" (you slap a person across the face)"we ask the questions around here" |
231,551 | Strap-on backwards spells No-parts. |
231,552 | The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options. |
231,553 | Two word joke Dwarf shortage |
231,554 | She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them. |
231,555 | If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P |
231,556 | What was Hitler's favorite letter? Not z! |
231,557 | Did you hear about the gay german? Apparently he Adolf Hitler. |
231,558 | What's E.T short for? He's got little legs |
231,559 | Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS. |
231,560 | You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border! |
231,561 | Biography of a voyeur He came, he saw, he came |
231,562 | I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone's gotta have multiple. |
231,563 | In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway. |
231,564 | What's ISIS's favourite song? Niggas in Paris |
231,565 | Did you know that in any given group, only 9/10 of people understand basic math? The other 3% doesn't. |
231,566 | If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, "Unable to follow instructions." |
231,567 | What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait |
231,568 | Did you hear the Joke they don't tell retards... No, Oh my bad. |
231,569 | Why did the element Fluorine get a copyright strike? Because it was extremely reactive |
231,570 | What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown |
231,571 | When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now |
231,572 | How do you know a black guy's been at your computer? It's not there. |
231,573 | Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures; they only use pubic transportation. |
231,574 | OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom? ... because Mao is more of a chair man! |
231,575 | OMG! It's colder than a pimps heart out here! |
231,576 | Canada's navy |
231,577 | Why are most reactionists black? Because stealing is the only thing they can do. |
231,578 | Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky." |
231,579 | I used to have a friend who practiced acupuncture. |
231,580 | Why do lesbians like radishes? Because they like to get their daikon. |
231,581 | The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty. |
231,582 | What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog |
231,583 | What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop! |
231,584 | A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not. |
231,585 | At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured. |
231,586 | My friend gave me a free dvd... but it's only Chinatown. |
231,587 | A black man and a mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The police officer |
231,588 | Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer. |
231,589 | What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem. |
231,590 | A man only wearing saran wrap pants... Walks into his doctors office. The doctor says: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts." |
231,591 | What is a gay jew's favourite bank? Goldman Sach's |
231,592 | After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton. The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance. |
231,593 | A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis. |
231,594 | I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left. |
231,595 | I'm not racist, but... >[deleted] |
231,596 | What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last hit was the wall. |
231,597 | All of the other reindeer were secretly watching red-nose-on-regular-nose porn. |
231,598 | What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same. |
231,599 | 'Appearances can be deceiving' said my fortune cookie message; then I realized I've cracked open a snail. |
231,600 | Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860. |