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0 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me. |
1 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | What, Rick? What’s going on? |
2 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | I got a surprise for you, Morty. |
3 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? |
4 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Come on, I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up. |
5 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! |
6 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty. |
7 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage. |
8 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise? |
9 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb. |
10 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | What?! A bomb?! |
11 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a whole fresh start. |
12 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | T-t-that's absolutely crazy! |
13 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica. |
14 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Jessica? From my math class? |
15 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam. |
16 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Ohh... |
17 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | And Jessica's gonna be Eve. |
18 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Whhhh-wha? |
19 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | And so that's the surprise, Morty. |
20 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! |
21 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. |
22 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | What are you talking about, Rick? |
23 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty. |
24 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— |
25 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. |
27 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. |
28 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Get off of me, Morty! |
29 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! |
30 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. |
31 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. |
32 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here. |
33 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Oh, thank god. |
34 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive. |
35 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | It was? |
36 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo— |
38 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Um... |
39 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer? |
40 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Summer | Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke. |
41 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Morty, are you getting sick? I told you not to practice-kiss the living room pillow. The dog sleeps on it. |
42 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something. |
43 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Summer | Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick. |
44 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | What? |
45 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Dad? |
46 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time? |
47 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Damn it! |
48 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Jerry! |
49 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Beth! |
50 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Summer | Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die. |
51 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later. |
52 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Okay, with all due respect, Rick— what am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole? |
53 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time. Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, "two plus two." The people in the back say, "four." Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue. This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mother was here to eat them. |
54 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Oh, dad… |
55 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | What? For real? |
56 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows! |
57 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist, so let's jump right in. Two plus two. |
59 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Jessica. |
60 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Five plus five. |
62 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Jessica. |
63 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Okay, good. It's time for the quiz. |
65 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for me. The stakes are high in this room. There's crucial things happening here every day. People getting smarter. Some of y'all getting dumber. Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3 |
66 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | Hi, Morty. |
67 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Whoa! Hi, Jessica. |
68 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | Can I show these to you? |
69 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you! |
70 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | You know what I named these? My little Morties. |
71 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Uh, that's flattering... and a little weird. |
72 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | Do you know what I want you to do with them? |
73 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Rename them? |
74 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers. |
75 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot. |
76 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jessica | Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me? |
77 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Uh, I-I'm just doing my best. |
78 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Morty! What are you doing to me?! |
79 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Ah, Jessica. |
80 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Morty! |
81 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Jessica. |
82 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. |
83 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Je-Jessica. Jessica. |
84 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Mr. Goldenfold | Not my fault this is happening. |
86 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Uh, morning, Frank. |
88 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it. |
90 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. |
91 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? |
92 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business. It's important. Come on, Morty. |
93 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again. |
94 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on! |
95 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Morty | Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him? |
96 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Rick | I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go. |
98 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Summer | Hi, Frank. |
99 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Summer | AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! |
100 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Scalpel. |
102 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Knock, knock. |
103 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Jerry? |
104 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought, "hey, why not swing by where your wife works?" |
107 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason. |
108 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia. |
111 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery. |
112 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Jerry | Well, yeah, on horses. |
113 | 1 | 1 | Pilot | Beth | Excuse me? |