Datasets:

ysharma

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rickandmorty

like 2

Pilot

Jerry

Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way.

Pilot

Jerry

Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home.

Pilot

Beth

Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS!

Pilot

Rick

There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, geez, okay.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?

Pilot

Rick

It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing.

Pilot

Rick

All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be—

Pilot

Rick

HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!!

Pilot

Rick

I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!

Pilot

Rick

Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline.

Pilot

Morty

All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now?

Pilot

Rick

Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing.

Pilot

Morty

Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave.

Pilot

Rick

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this?

Pilot

Rick

You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?

Pilot

Morty

The mega trees?

Pilot

Rick

That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school.

Pilot

Morty

All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?

Pilot

Rick

You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an under- underfoot figure.

Pilot

Rick

Just take these shoes, Morty. They're special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together.

Pilot

Morty

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Pilot

Rick

You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!

Pilot

Beth

I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's Secret?

Pilot

Jerry

I told you I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day. More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son.

Pilot

Beth

It's fine, Davin.

Pilot

Jerry

Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.

Pilot

Beth

Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend.

Pilot

Jerry

Well, maybe you're right.

Pilot

Beth

Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon?

Pilot

Jerry

Ahem, Horse heart surgeon.

Pilot

Principal Vagina

Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon?

Pilot

Rick

Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now. You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze.

Pilot

Morty

I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!

Pilot

Rick

Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty?

Pilot

Morty

Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something.

Pilot

Rick

Okay, hold on just a second, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh!

Pilot

Morty

Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you.

Pilot

Rick

Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?

Pilot

Morty

Sure thing, Rick.

Pilot

Rick

Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick.

Pilot

Rick

There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left.

Pilot

Morty

What?!

Pilot

Rick

It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home?

Pilot

Rick

There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid.

Pilot

Morty

Uh-oh.

Pilot

Rick

When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

In my butt?

Pilot

Rick

Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that.

Pilot

Rick

Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty

Pilot

Morty

Uuuh.

Pilot

Rick

And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y- you've got to put these seeds inside your butt.

Pilot

Morty

In my butt?

Pilot

Rick

Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, man.

Pilot

Principal Vagina

The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a total of seven hours over the last two months.

Pilot

Beth

What? Why didn't you notify us?

Pilot

Principal Vagina

I done been notifying you. Have you not been getting the messages I've been leaving with Morty's grandfather?

Pilot

Jerry

Boom! Told you! In your face! He is ruining our child! Wait, what am I celebrating?

Pilot

Principal Vagina

Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school.

Pilot

Beth

Summer?

Pilot

Summer

What kind of God lets this happen?

Pilot

Principal Vagina

We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them.

Pilot

Announcer

The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.

Pilot

Announcer

The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.

Pilot

Rick

I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?

Pilot

Morty

Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt.

Pilot

Rick

That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-

Pilot

Rick

Why does he have to go over there?

Pilot

Rick

What new- what new machine?

Pilot

Rick

Run, Morty! Run!

Pilot

Morty

Aaaaaah!

Pilot

Morty

Ohhhhh!

Pilot

Morty

Ohhhhhh!

Pilot

Morty

Aaaaah!

Pilot

Rick

Don't think about it!

Pilot

Rick

Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher.

Pilot

Morty

Whoooooo!

Pilot

Rick

I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me.

Pilot

Morty

Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody.

Pilot

Rick

They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!

Pilot

Morty

They're not robots, Rick!

Pilot

Rick

It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here!

Pilot

Morty

Holy crap! This is insane!

Pilot

Rick

Come on, Morty! We got to get the hell out of here!

Pilot

Jessica

Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?

Pilot

Morty

Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my-my Ferrari's in the shop. Just kidding.

Pilot

Jessica

You're Morty, right?

Pilot

Morty

Yeah.

Pilot

Rick

You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass.

Pilot

Jerry

Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche.

Pilot

Beth

What?

Pilot

Jerry

I'm an angry father, not an improviser.

Pilot

Rick

Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers?

Pilot

Rick

You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning.