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of control in favor of awareness 3 As you experience the anxiety ask yourself else may be Explore for deeper emotions that may be hiding under your anxiety Many anxious people have not grieved something from their past or fully acknowledged a hardship they suffered For example perhaps anxious about your partner possibly leaving you Dig what is this worry connected to from your When do you remember first feeling anxiety over someone Perhaps you trace this feeling to your divorce and your dad moving out Now invite in that sadness or see if you can notice where you feel it in your body Stick with the feelings 4 Work to uncover the root emotion to which each anxiety branch may be attached Oftentimes getting at the root where the emotion first presented can entirely relieve the anxious feelings Tell the feelings welcomed here with you Validate them as real and worthy of your attention TAKE YOUR ANXIETY ALONG FOR THE RIDEIf like many anxious people fear and apprehension stop you in your tracks You feel as if you have to wait for anxiety to go away before you can get on with your life actually the for your anxiety | [
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to diminish get on with your life Take a moment to identify and be aware of your anxiety Then task yourself with an activity errand or outing This have to be an day event can work up to that Even going to the grocery store or running a few errands while in an anxious state will do the trick Make sure you follow through completely In other words give up once at the grocery store or after completing one errand Remember apt to feel anxious wherever you are so you might as well get some things accomplished while anxious it might just help you to be less anxious Once you complete the task see if your anxiety decreased at all as a result Even if it congratulate yourself that you did what you needed to do in spite of the anxiety Do it again when you have an opportunity UP Accepting that anxiety will forever come and go is liberating Stopping the struggle against anxiety creates room for an enriching life Identifying your values and larger goals will enhance your quality of life Making choices and taking action on these larger goals in spite of your anxiety is empowering Fully | [
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accepting anxiety relieves anxiety CH APTER SEVEN Putting the Tools to Work Implementing anxiety techniques on a routine basis means you can start to make choices for yourself that reflect your larger goals and values in spite of anxiety no longer only an anxious you are a person who along with anxiety has a rich and meaningful life Here are ways to turn the strategies learning into consistent habits that will enrich your life for the long term From Strategies to Habits Repeated use of these techniques in a structured determined manner will bring you relief far beyond managing your symptoms Consider the challenging task of quitting smoking Smokers say it usually takes three months for nicotine withdrawal symptoms to leave the body Those three months require deliberate effort to adopt a new learning pattern but the rewards clearly outweigh the effort Three months is nothing compared to a longer healthier and more satisfying life Similarly take the example of Julia Julia felt extremely anxious driving on highways with congested lanes and higher speed limits Each time she drove on a highway the same pattern of neurons fired and a panic attack soon ensued mind reeled with imagined bad outcomes | [
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Over time even the thought of highway driving triggered panic Eventually she stopped driving on highways altogether In the moment avoiding what makes us anxious feels like the fix In the long run the avoidance increases anxiety With treatment Julia made a commitment to overcome this anxiety She began by visualizing herself driving and coping well She also practiced deep breathing to rein in the response and supportive can and I will push through to the other side At first the old anxiety reaction came flooding back in She persevered After two weeks of visualizing she drove on a highway again After two months she was regularly behind the wheel and reported that her anxiety had dropped from 10 to 5 on a scale from 1 to 10 Julia pushed through Not only did her symptoms improve but her qualityof life also improved She was now able to spontaneously visit her mom and friends Most importantly she felt like the independent and capable woman she always knew herself to be Planning Reconsider when you will integrate the techniques you planned in chapter 4 into your daily routine If you have already begun to do so maybe your planning is working | [
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If you have not started to use the strategies regularly consider whether made a realistic plan For example if you commit to practicing the various strategies for 20 minutes at the end of the day and you following through maybe two sessions is a better way for you to start Be flexible and open to new ways of structuring your life but do schedule time ideally a little bit each day to work on anxiety reduction Track Your Progress important to progress that you set up a system whereby you track ideally on a daily basis the strategies using and the intensity of your anxiety Below is an example of a quick and easy way to track progress Each day check any and all strategies you use from chapters 5 and 6 Also be sure to rate your anxiety for the day using a 1 to 10 scale with 1 being entirely relaxed and 10 being full anxiety meltdown For The 1 to 10 scale is a way to look back and see your progress At first you may have quite a few 8s or even 10s but ideally over the course of a month going to have more days | [
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with 5s or even 4s STRATEGY MON TUES WEDS THURS FRI SAT SUN What Are You Why Are You Avoiding Identify Targets Rein in Do What You Fear Meeting New People Building Uncertainty Tolerance Values Committed Action Imagine a Scenario Stop Missing Watching Your Thoughts In Vivo Exposure How Did It Inviting Difficult Emotions Take Your Anxiety Along for the Ride Rate Your Anxiety 1 to 10 Scale 7 3 5 2 3 6 7 Goal Setting When the rubber meets the road and you have to actually start implementing your plan will creep in is the enemy of inspiration and change all too tempting to turn to too hard will take forever is going to be awful Allow that to happen and the mental energy required to improve will be tapped out You want to be released from your struggle with anxiety which is why reading this page now However for many the idea of change brings on competing feelings Yes there is hope for something better but also fear that you get there When doubt looms remind yourself that anxiety is highly responsive to treatment People who practice these techniques on a regular basis usually improve The need | [
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for effort mean results come it just means it will require work Take this moment to set a couple of goals for yourself based on what you read in chapters 5 and 6 These should be overarching goals that you can come back to repeatedly for motivation to stay the course Maybe you recognize all missed out on because of avoidance behavior and you want to stop missing out Or perhaps you became more clearly aware of what is meaningful and of value in your life and you set the goal of making space for those values regardless of your anxiety STRATEGY OF THE DAY Pick a few strategies from this section that you can incorporate on a daily basis For example an excellent daily strategy that is quite grounding is Your Sit quietly even for five minutes and observe your thoughts similar to watching clouds Thoughts will arise and they will pass have to respond you only have to observe them Or sit quietly and practice acceptance of something troubling you or invite your anxiety in and accept those feelings and sensations Another helpful strategy is Your Anxiety Along for the In this case you commit to keeping up | [
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with tasks and commitments even when in an anxious state You simply tell the anxiety I know just going to have to come along with me STRATEGY OF THE WEEK Pick a few larger strategies that you can work into your routine at least three times this week A good place to start and one that will immediately boost your mood and decrease anxiety is to spend some time each week on committed could be spending time with a loved one or volunteering at a local homeless rescue center Taking practically any action no matter how small that matches your values will inspire you and also lessen anxiety even if only slightly Go Deeper Create Your Weekly Strategies Calendar Revisit the weekly strategies calendar you created in chapter 4 here Take a moment to look over the current month If you have not already done so write in work social and family appointments and commitments People make great progress by simply committing to using one strategy on a daily basis This can be a strategy but doing it daily encourages the habit to become gradually more automatic Write in one strategy from chapters 5 and 6 that willing to commit | [
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to using every day of the month When you realize you missed a which will occasionally happen just pick up where you left off Assess coming up by digitally or manually marking red yellow and green zones on your calendar Red zones are those that are more anxiety fueled green are those where you expect to be fairly at ease and feel less internal pressure and yellow are in the middle where you imagine you will feel neither very anxious nor very relaxed Take a step back and look at how much of your month is red and how much is green If a predominance of red likely carrying too much dread about your activities which is no way to live One of the single best ways to improve mood is to have things to look forward to Can you reduce the red on your calendar and increase the Even a few eliminations can make a noticeable difference On days or times where you anticipate anxious triggers or see a red zone on your calendar write down a strategy that you think will be particularly suited for that specific trigger For example if a dreaded social encounter you might put | [
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on your calendar to acceptance or being assertive in social situations Or if something you want to avoid but need to approach you might practice exposure where you visualize yourself doing the thing you want to avoid In One of the reasons weekly psychotherapy is so effective for treating anxiety is that the regular meeting serves as a cue for the brain a reminder of the ultimate sense of peace and the tools needed to get there You can do this on your own but do commit to checking in with yourself on a regular basis Use this time to note your progress and problem solve about what you could tweak or do differently to be even more successful The key is to be flexible and try things differently if your anxiety is not improving but give up It takes flexibility and patience but ease and calm await How Did You Start by reflecting on how doing every couple of days Then as you notice your symptoms improving check in once a week and then eventually monthly How successful were you with your daily How about your weekly Based on the 1 to 10 scale are you noticing any symptom | [
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may be subtle at first but any reduction in the intensity of your anxiety even going from an 8 to a 7 is an improvement If you as successful as like try things differently Remind yourself that you want this and you can and will do it STICKING WITH IT It takes practice to integrate new routines into your habitual thinking and life Perseverance requires that you do not beat yourself up for setbacks Any time we make a change or learn something new we experience disappointments and obstacles Use setbacks as learning tools teaching you what to do differently next time Then start again No matter what the moment the day or the week is like the key is to not give up You can start again at any time Cultivate patience and compassion for yourself You are brave to dedicate yourself to changing your life You will be rewarded for your Learn in This Section Once again call to mind the image of a triangle with in one corner in another and in the third As seen working in any corner of this triangle will change the other two In this section going to relieve your anxious repetitive | [
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thought patterns Anxious thinking means frequently flooded by repetitive and intrusive thoughts You wish you could turn your mind off but the catastrophic or worried thoughts just keep coming Feeling mentally on edge in turn fuels anxious feelings and avoidance behaviors For example imagine receiving an invitation to a birthday party You might immediately think something like one is going to talk to me if I go feel awkward If you have that thought often enough or just believe it enough you might end up skipping the party even though you like your friend and want to miss out Or if you do go to the party your anxious thinking might nag at you the whole time making it an ordeal instead of the fun experience it should be The strategies in this section will help you challenge the kinds of anxious thoughts that interfere with your quality of life The key thing I hope this chapter teaches you is that you believe everything you think explore why our thoughts often need to be challenged and learn specific strategies that can be used to do just that CH APTER EIGHT Thoughts vs Reality Believe Everything You Think You your resilience | [
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and your capacity for growth are actually much stronger than your anxious it probably feel like that most of the time For the anxious mind a flood of worry can rise in a matter of minutes sweeping you away to a place where what began as a passing thought becomes in your head an absolute truth If you watch your thoughts carefully you will catch yourself jumping to extremes and generalizations Imagine you get a ticket for a minor fender bender and then you have the thought if they sue Anxiety quickly evolves that thought into are going to sue Or say you get some negative feedback at work and have the thought boss sees problems with my work Anxiety steps in and the thought becomes going to get fired Or you realize your mom returned your phone calls and you wonder why Anxiety turns wondering into must have had an accident Or you realize your partner returned a text all day and you worry partner care about me anymore quickly followed by leaving This pattern of taking one small worrisome thought to an extreme can also be initiated by a physical heart is beating fast I must be having | [
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a heart There are all sorts of frightening unlikely places your anxious thoughts will take only if you let Believe it or not you can intervene and slow this process down Imagining catastrophes and scenarios is emotionally draining and keeps us from being fully present in the here and now But we can learn to sort our thoughts so that things like speculations and thinking are moved to the pile at least until you have solid evidence that those thoughts are realistic Start sorting helpful from unhelpful thoughts by taking a little time if only a few to slow down and become aware of what thinking before you react When we slow down we create space to observe our thoughts and see if as realistic as they might seem initially So the thought going to get becomes having the thought that going to get fired The thought girlfriend is breaking up with becomes having the thought that breaking up with me Taking a more curious andobservational stance makes room to challenge the accuracy of your thoughts and weigh their usefulness to you VS This strategy challenges your thoughts in a new way The exercise is designed to help you distinguish | [
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between your actual experience and your interpretation of what experiencing When we observe not overthink we become liberated from anxiety 1 Bring all your attention to your heartbeat Place a hand on your heart Or see if you can turn your awareness inward and actually feel the beating within your chest 2 Distinguish thoughts from experience Thoughts might be find my heartbeat or heart is beating too fast or worry I have a heart condition Rather than judgment or analysis of your heartbeat experience your heartbeat become aware of its rhythm How does it feel thumping against the palm of your 3 Like finding the beat in a song your awareness is less I get that lyric and more thump thump 4 Sense your chest rising and falling in rhythm with the sensation of your beating See if you can notice how your heartbeat decreases as you observe it or increases as you become caught up in your thoughts RECORD YOUR THOUGHTS Keeping a record of your thoughts is a powerful strategy for breaking out of the anxiety spiral Instead of those thoughts going around and around in your head writing is a way to examine them in a more | [
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realistic less emotional light This kind of reflection puts you in control of your thoughts instead of your thoughts controlling you Then no longer reacting to unrealistic thinking that only ramps up your anxiety Use this exercise when you become aware experiencing anxiety so you can get better at catching your thoughts early before they mushroom This strategy also helps when revisiting an anxious moment after the fact Identify a stream that brings about anxiety for you What the hardest thing about this What your fear in this What your imagined What thoughts were running through your mind during the event or after or even now as you revisit Rate how much you believe each of these thoughts a 1 to 10 scale with 1 being you believe it at all and 10 being you believe it completely Come back to this exercise in a day or two or even a few hours and revisit how much you believe these thoughts now When Your Thoughts Work Against You When caught up in anxious thinking our thoughts feel entirely real and accurate and so they keep us keyed up In truth the anxious mind so good at differentiating the real from | [
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the unreal In this virtual world we feel as anxious and frightened as we would if our fear was based on something really happening However in reality nothing terrible is going on and there may be little if any chance our feared scenarios will ever happen There are a number of biases all prone to that intensify anxiety Familiarizing yourself with these in will help you catch exaggerated or inaccurate thought patterns Here are a few of the more common Things are all good or all you are perfect or a failure If something negative happens in one situation it means it will happen in all future similar situations You look to the future with sweeping negativity and forecast disaster instead of more realistic possibilities Applying a fixed global label on yourself or others without including any context a loser bad inadequate a burden and You have rigid expectations for how you should or must act and when these unreasonable expectations met you forecast horrendous consequences Each time you successfully identify an error in thinking your anxiety willdecrease because able to see the situation at hand more realistically or at least entertain other possibilities DOWNWARD ARROW TECHNIQUE The downward arrow | [
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technique is effective for identifying what deeper belief you hold about yourself that is anxious thoughts In cognitive behavioral therapy core beliefs are described as your most central thoughts about yourself and the meaning you ascribe to the normal difficulties we all face When a core belief is activated your brain switches into a mode in which you take in only information that supports the belief and disregard anything that may challenge it This traps you in a feedback loop of biased thoughts generated by that core belief When caught up in negative core beliefs it becomes difficult to think realistically about the events in your life Learning to identify and challenge our core beliefs means these flawed ideas no longer make decisions for us Negative core beliefs typically fall into two general beliefs associated with helplessness and beliefs associated with unlovability See if any of the examples below sound familiar to you Examples of Helpless Core Beliefs a failure Nothing I do will make a difference helpless inadequate weak Examples of Unlovable Core Beliefs unworthy bad unlikable unwanted not good enough The downward arrow technique helps you look beneath the surface of your anxious thoughts to see really driving | [
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them To find your core beliefs record your anxious thoughts and then ask yourself that thought were true what would it mean about me as a use anxious thoughts as an worried not going to complete my report for work on time I my every move I literally stop obsessing about work even for a few moments Here is the downward arrow What does it mean about you as a person if you complete the That letting my team down What does it mean about you if you let your team colleagues respect me What does it mean about you if your colleagues respect I failed This reflects a helplessness core belief Deep down Ava believes she is inadequate as a person Likely she is underestimating her competence on this Get your notebook and try the following exercise to get at your core beliefs Identify a stream that brings about anxiety for you 1 Record the thoughts you have about or when in the stream revisit what you logged for the Your strategy 2 For each thought listed ask yourself this thought were true what does it mean about me as a 3 Each time you understand what that thought | [
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means about you write it down 4 Then ask yourself the same question about new thoughts does it mean about me as a person if this thought is actually 100 percent Then do the same for the next new thought Eventually you will funnel down to a core belief look at another example of the technique in action this time with Ahmed When talking with others Ahmed appears calm and collected but internally he is evaluating his every word While on a date or social outing he believes he appears awkward The downward arrow technique What does it mean about you as a person if your date thinks messed up I lost that opportunity What does it mean about you if you messed up an opportunity with that people will keep giving up on me What does it mean about you if people keep giving up on That I disappoint people What does it mean about you if you disappoint no one is going to want me reflects an unlovability core belief Deep down Ahmed believes no one is going to love him After you use the downward arrow technique with a number of your anxious thoughts you will see | [
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certain core beliefs showing up repeatedly The next step is to start challenging these deeply rooted ideas you carry about yourself TEST YOUR CORE BELIEFS In this exercise going to push you out of your comfort zone so you can see if your core beliefs are as accurate as they feel to you I want you to literally go out in the world and test your core if they actually hold up to reality If you realize that at the root of your anxious thinking is a deep fear that unlovable go out and talk to others join a group make a point to spend time regularly with someone or even ask close others if they like you If you recognize a core belief that go out and take on a new but doable Sign up for a class create something clean your house organize a closet build or fix something read a book to completion As you enter the situation insert a different thought if you quite believe it It could be as simple as capable or can be liked Be open to new information and to what you might be overlooking that went well or differently from how | [
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you expected Then modify your beliefs about yourself accordingly Go Deeper Identifying Negative Thought Patterns Developing awareness of your negative thought patterns will help you take the steps needed to make you feel better sooner When you become aware that experiencing anxiety stop and take stock Write your answers in your notebook so you can delve into them What is a scenario that is for me including situations interactions events and Every time my boss is short with me I withdraw because I feel anxious and worried that not in good standing at work What anxious thoughts am I having did I about this He like me going to give me less work and make me unessential going to be rendered useless at work How might my thoughts be distorted in Catastrophizing Overgeneralizing thinking What does it mean about me as a person if my most fearful thoughts are lose my job be embarrassed I meet work goals People will know incompetent What core belief was Helplessness How can I test out my core belief to see if missing some The next time my boss is short with me I withdraw but instead will ask questions about what looking for | [
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to see if missed anything What Are You Worried Worry impacts our emotions in a big way It influences what we do and how we feel physically We can come to exist in an exhausted state This hyperarousal leads to irritability difficulty sleeping and eventually even depression a common example I see often in my psychology A client Emma had a repetitive worry that she was in danger of being kicked out of her graduate program Each time something went wrong with an assignment or she received an average grade a chain of uncontrollable thoughts would ensue She was afraid her professors thought she was incompetent She herself in class and when she spoke out was extremely conscious Then she worried about what the other students thought of her Emma believed she as intellectually competent as her peers She would beat herself up for always wrong with so crazy I stop matter how hard Emma worked to push them away the worried thoughts kept swirling up again and again Even peaceful rest was impossible She would wake in the middle of the night harried by her concerns and then be unable to fall back to sleep Exhausted from school and | [
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worrying she take care of herself eat right or exercise regularly As a result she also fretted about her physical health and began to think she had a serious medical illness We all worry on some level but it becomes disproportionate when persistent and uncontrollable When this happens we lose time to an internal not focus This hyperinternal focus is a vortex where no new energy or perspectives are allowed in The vortex distorts reality and creates greater fear Excessive worrying is not and is not productive In fact the exhaustion and emotional depletion actually makes us less productive We able to concentrate plan accordingly and make the best use of our energy and resources And once again robbed of the present moment We typically come to recognize in a vortex when the anxiety is intense At this point it can be quite difficult to escape The quickest solution is to avoid this stage altogether Developing an early warning awareness that reacts before anxiety has reached high intensity protects us from becoming stuck in the vortex IDENTIFY YOUR WORRY TRIGGERS Even though we tend to worry about the same things day in and day out we persist in wasting time | [
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and energy considering each worry that pops up as if it were new and deeply significant Our worries repeat because we fail to problem solve and cope with them appropriately Identifying the larger issues your worried thoughts trigger means you can switch from worried thinking to Below is a list of the more common larger issues that individual worries tend to trigger and example to take to address each Identify the categories your worries tend to fall into and see if you can come up with a few steps to take for each Financial Actionable Develop a meet with financial planner Actionable Enroll in a get tutorAchieving goals Actionable Review are they too high too Parenting Actionable Read parenting take parenting class Health of self Actionable Get yearly medical physical with blood work Health of others Actionable Work to accept I can only control so much Relationships Actionable Read relationship book exercise Actionable Meet with start walking twice a week Actionable Build through go to weekly psychotherapy General safety of the terrorism Actionable Volunteer for political candidate who espouses my beliefs If mentally replaying worries made you feel better you keep hashing out the same old sets of worries Shift | [
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your attention from specific worried thoughts to considering how you could take an actionable step toward improving the larger PROBABLE VS POSSIBLE OUTCOMES When we are caught in anxiety quicksand each and every worrisome thought may seem acute and reasonable Stress hormones are released anxiety builds and it becomes difficult to distinguish the probable from the possible Instead of repeating the same concerns over and over in your head write out the following for each of your uneasy What is the worst possible scenario that afraid of happening regarding this What is the best possible scenario that I wish could happen regarding this What is a realistic scenario that will likely happen regarding this You can be at peace Slow down and train your mind to steer away from reaching catastrophe and toward thoughts that represent the realistic and most likely outcomes PRODUCTIVE VS UNPRODUCTIVE WORRY Another helpful strategy when worry thoughts become triggered is to consider how productive helpful in your life or to it is to worry about that particular issue When you recognize worrying classify worried thoughts as productive or unproductive based on the following checklist Productive My worry is in regard to a specific problem My | [
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worry is about something going to have to deal with in the near or immediate future I have some control over the outcome I can make a choice or decision that will solve the worry This is a new worry something I usually think about an actionable step I can take to help alleviate my worry Unproductive worried about something uncertain in the future that no one knows whether it will occur I have no control over this worry I think about possible ways to deal with the worry but nothing feels good enough obsessively focused and stop thinking about this worry This is a recurrent worry of mine There is no action I can take to solve this worry If your worry seems to fall more into the category the next time it pops up remind yourself that okay to live with some uncertainties In fact impossible not to Remember to practice acceptance of things as they are On the other hand if your worry is productive make a plan for how you want to problem solve the situation at hand more on solving in chapter 9 Overgeneralizing and Underestimating When we experience normal anxiety we focus on the | [
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immediate concernsand challenges that no one is immune to e g with the family is going to be hard to get through this year The highly anxious mind compounds these difficulties by extending them out across time and over a variety of time with my family I get stressed out Even worse the anxious mind convinces us that we be able to cope with the thing we go to any more family functions too upsetting As a result we spin our wheels trying to prevent feared situations emotions interactions by avoiding people and events that actually pose a real threat Of course in reality only so much control we have over the course of events and so all this anxious energy results in us feeling at the mercy of life powerless and desperate to find relief When we overgeneralize we develop conclusions about ourselves our emotions and what we can and do based on a single experience For instance Carmen found out she get her desired work promotion and never get promoted Nolan had a couple of unfulfilling dates and never meet the right one Overgeneralizing causes you to seal the deal on your fate In your mind you render | [
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your future chances of success or getting what you want at zero And perhaps most importantly overgeneralizing means an end to trying For example if you stop believing you will ever get promoted you stop putting in the extra effort at work If you believe you find a romantic partner you stop trying to engage new acquaintances or actively date The second component of the anxious mind is that we underestimate our ability to cope if what we fear actually happens We tell ourselves we possibly manage the frightening situation our mind is way I even know what to do be able to deal with that would kill me go crazy In the face of a possible adversity we imagine ourselves melting into a puddle of anxious fear This reinforces the superstitious notion that worry itself will keep us I worry enough be okay I obsess over this project work harder I keep myself upset and on edge about this be better prepared when it happens This pattern can be broken capable of managing far more than you imagine Just because you want to deal with something or it may be hard to deal with mean you be effective You | [
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have already managed quite a bit in your life You just do you push through to the other side Go DeeperChallenging Overgeneralization Perhaps recognizing some of your anxious thinking represents overgeneralization Nonetheless you still get the fear or thought out of your mind Start challenging those overgeneralizations When you hit a setback ask yourself the following write your responses down if you can 1 Can you think of a time in the past when your conclusion has not been 2 Can you imagine a time or instance in the future when your conclusion may not be 3 How probable from 0 to 100 percent do you feel it is that the fear thinking about is going to actually 4 What do you gain by believing this For example do you believe it keeps you safe in some 5 What consequences may come from believing this For example will you give up trying to get what you desire allowing a prophecy to SPOT OVERGENERALIZING As seen our worries and catastrophic thoughts often repeat We sometimes have new ones but generally similar ones repeat over time and reflect the core beliefs we hold about ourselves Open your notebook back to the thoughts | [
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recorded earlier in this chapter Underline or put a checkmark by the thoughts that reflect a tendency to overgeneralize Clues that you might be overgeneralizing Taking one example of something upsetting and believing that example will occur again and again in a variety of contexts Extreme always happens will never be okay one will ever like me never win am always the slowest the dumb one When you hit a setback or receive negative feedback you have thoughts about giving up and putting less effort in to reach your goals STOP UNDERESTIMATING YOURCOMPETENCE Try this visualization 1 Think through one of your more upsetting thoughts or scenarios In your eye play out the details of what you fear as if it is really happening Imagine where you are whom you are interacting with or what news getting 2 Now imagine your blocks setbacks or embarrassments but visualize yourself effectively coping with what feeling or the other feared obstacles 3 Instead of freaking out giving up or becoming painfully uncomfortable with anxiety or fear you stick with the situation You challenge yourself to find a way to effectively deal with your biggest fear 4 Imagine you use a strategy a few | [
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deep breaths use internal supportive language remind yourself of your larger and it works You show yourself that you can cope You find a way through the circumstances and emerge in a more comfortable and thoughtful place Practice this exercise and you will be much better equipped to deal with the real thing UP Become an observer of not a reactor to your thoughts Keep a thought record to develop awareness of your patterns Make anxious thoughts less threatening by identifying errors in thinking core beliefs worry triggers and overgeneralizations Increase your awareness for versus unproductive worry When anxious about a future possibility ask yourself I underestimating my competence APTER NINE Getting Unstuck from Thoughts Changing Your Anxiety increases in intensity when a internal narrative is filled with harsh judgments around good and bad right and wrong What we say to ourselves influences how we think about ourselves what we communicate to others and how much we believe in our competence and worth Anxiety is further amplified when a internal narrative is overloaded with never forever everything nothing Consider which of the following two statements is laden with greater 1 suck never get a life 2 lonely and need to | [
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work on building social skills The latter is hopeful It acknowledges the emotion but also identifies a specific skill that could be developed to help with the feeling of loneliness If struggling with anxiety a strong chance your internal commentary is overly critical and harsh But perhaps your anxious thoughts and behaviors about situations and events have more to do with the critical reaction you anticipate from others and less to do with the situations themselves Imagine a friend who every time you hit a setback tells you what you did to cause the problem and reminds you of all the times in the past you did the same thing That is likely how treating yourself People who make us feel good about ourselves and comfortable being ourselves are the ones we are most at ease with Start relating to yourself in the way a warm kind friend or family member would Changing the voice in your head to be more and nurturing will give you a bit of padding if you negative anxious thoughts kick in BECOME AWARE OF YOUR TALK How we speak to ourselves has a significant impact on anxiety Yet we let our anxious play out | [
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again and again on autopilot Think about the following questions regarding your so you can make the voice inyour head more nurturing and less judgmental What is the tone of your internal Is it loud and impatient or is it warm and tolerant of going on with you and your immediate When upset does your internal voice try to soothe Or does it use language that makes you feel worse such as was bad suck never going to get this right hate you a loser Does your internal voice take away your moments of When happy or feel at ease does your voice intrude telling you things you need to work on tasks that need to be accomplished or fearful Are there certain tasks hobbies or people that bring out a kinder warmer side of you where your internal voice seems softer less If so these are the things you should do more of and the types of relationships you should cultivate If not experiment with different activities and people to find those that bring out your softer side Cultivate your capacity for ease and calm and encourage that is compassionate and forgiving means showing yourself a warm understanding of | [
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your perceived inadequacies including your struggle with anxiety Forgiveness means voicing a kinder internal monologue when you encounter a setback or notice your shortcomings PINK UNICORNS Write a few sentences about developing compassionate while not thinking about pink unicorns Whatever you do stick to the task of writing about developing a compassionate internal narrative but make sure NOT to think about pink unicorns Pink unicorns should be nowhere in your mind when you do this task Each time you think about a pink unicorn mark an X in your notebook How did it Were you able to not think of pink Probably you were not and Telling ourselves to not think about something has entirely the opposite effect This is partly why so frustrating when upset and a friend or loved one says thinking about that or is fine stop worrying Daniel Wegner a renowned social psychologist in thought suppression at Harvard University asked lab participants to verbally share their thoughts while being sure to not call to mind the thought of a white bear The participants were asked to ring a bell each time they thought of a white bear Even though they were instructed to push away the | [
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thought on average theybrought to mind the thought of a white bear more than once per minute When we suppress thoughts we essentially tell ourselves to thinking about The mind then monitors itself for each time it does think about and then brings to our conscious awareness Instead of criticizing yourself to stop thinking or worrying about this or that consider challenging the thoughts that bring on anxiety REPLACE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS When you have a thought that keeps repeating in your internal narrative pull out this thought record 1 What triggered the What were you doing or imagining when the thought occurred to Considering an invitation to a neighborhood potluck 2 What is the that accompanies this one will talk to me feel like an outsider feel insecure 3 Label the you feel when you have these thoughts and the intensity of each emotion on a scale of 1 to 10 5 6 9 9 4 Is there anything that is not supportive of the in invited me to the party so someone wants me there do make small talk with the neighbors from time to time live in the same neighborhood so we at least have that in common | [
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5 Can you think of a replacement thought that might be less negative but still if people including me in every conversation I was invited and I live in the same neighborhood so not a total outsider 6 Revisit the feelings listed in Rate each one when keeping this new thought in mind Recognize if the decreased in intensity even if only by a notch or two 2 5 7 7 Each time the negative thought enters your conscious awareness compassionately acknowledge see you negative thinking Then bring to mind a more realistic at least they invited me Solving In psychology the tendency to work through negative events by replaying them again and again in mind is called rumination Rumination refers to internally focusing on as well as all the reasons causes future possibilities or risks that could occur due to this distress An example might be sitting alone thinking about feeling behind your peers academically and employment wise Then your mind turns to worrying the situation will never improve and imagining a future of always feeling inadequate and professionally lacking Next you about why this happened in the first place And then you may begin to look for ways | [
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to avoid people who might ask questions about what you do for a living or where you went to college Many people worry because they believe they are and engaging in a constructive process about the issues they face Reminding yourself of what is or could be of concern comes to be seen as a way of avoiding denial and catastrophe In fact rumination is essentially a passive process that leads only to more anxious thinking Overthinking alone in your mind leaves no room for other perspectives or effective Go Deeper Brainstorming Take a more active direct approach to working through your worries Brainstorming is a technique whereby you take the pressure off yourself by acknowledging that there is no decision to make or a way to solve your issue 1 Pick an issue that you worry about on a regular basis or a new worry that has come to mind Write down a few sentences about the area of concern 2 Now write down as many ideas as you can think of for how you could manage the issue Pay no mind to how outlandish or impractical the ideas might be There are no rules other than to let | [
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the creative juices flow 3 The goal here is to open up your process and escape repetitive thought patterns In fact try to think of ridiculous solutions This can actually reduce the seriousness you may feel about the particular worry One client I worked with was struggling with how to deal with a difficult roommate and came up with the thought time she annoys me going to make a joke At first this seemed silly to her but the idea worked because it decreased her tension and helped her not take the roommate so seriously 4 Once you have a number of various solutions think how each possible solution would help or hinder the problem Some things will feel impossible and others will feel as if they barely help Pick one that is reasonably doable 5 Then take an actionable actively do something to relieve your anxiety over this particular issue HELPLESSNESS Whenever you find yourself anxious or worried notice if feeling that life and others are against you Even if your blame is warranted wallowing in it is not going to help you achieve your goals or make you feel any better What will help you feel better is | [
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focusing on what is within your control Letting go of feeling at the mercy of life or circumstance creates a feeling of safety and calmness Here is a way to no longer face hardship with 1 Pick an anxious thought or worry trigger 2 Recognize the thoughts that keep you in a helpless state over this particular never find a way will always be like this 3 Come up with three actionable steps you can take and that are within your control 4 Take action For example Layla was anxious about an upcoming wedding she had to attend She had lost touch with many of the folks invited to the wedding and felt overwhelmed by worries over what they would think of her and how she would be socially on the outside In order to move away from wallow and worry toward healthy control she asked herself what she could do to improve the situation Reach out to old friends before the wedding Text call write a note Layla connected a bit before the event and even video chatted with one friend Imagine the day going the way you would like it to Layla visualized herself the day of the | [
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wedding being present and in the moment She imagined awkward encounters or even feeling on the outside but in her visualization she was able to cope and manage the situation effectively She visualized feeling proud of herself at the end of the event Practice deep breathing yoga or mindfulness meditation Layla practiced mindful breathing for 10 minutes a day leading up to the event IMPORTANT An actionable item can be accepting a situation as it is and doing nothing Then each time the fear comes to mind practice acceptance instead of rumination ANALYSIS YOUR ANXIOUS Sometimes clearly seeing the consequences for you of a worried can motivate you to let go of the worry and come back to the present moment With this goal in mind conduct a analysis of how beneficial it is to you to continue to experience anxiety over whatever it is ruminating or obsessing on Write out the consequences and benefits of worrying about a specific issue Costs to keeping anxiety a focus removed from the present I feel bad keyed up and physically ill at ease stuck Benefit to keeping anxiety a focus I be surprised if the bad thing I worry about happens I | [
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will be vigilant which protects me Decide which cost most willing to accept and which option brings you closer to your goal of having more peace and less anxiety in your life It can be quite effective to examine the costs and benefits after anxiety has lessened Once the intensity decreases your brain has the bandwidth to problem solve and take on a broader perspective You Are Not Your Thoughts While visiting an amusement park with my young son I became highly anxious over his enthusiastic desire for me to accompany him on an old rickety roller coaster As he happily pulled me into the line worried thoughts gripped rickety and old what if it jumps the if the harness breaks when it goes upside if the safety mechanisms if they kept up with standards and if What if What if Within a matter of minutes I fully believed catastrophe would strike if we rode the roller coaster I wanted to stop us both from taking the plunge Suddenly as if waking from a trance I saw the ride operator open the door to our roller coaster car and we hopped aboard As the machine accelerated the fearful thoughts began | [
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to retreat into the background of my awareness There was an opening now for more than worry I became aware of my liveliness and pure elation Seeing him throw his hands up in the air laughing and smiling I felt it it was exhilarating to go against my fearful thoughts The thoughts were not gone but I was no longer a captive of them I was energized I was present I was in the moment I was a person who along with worried thoughts was having a thrilling memorable experience Similar to watching an engrossing movie a particular thought stream has the potential to pull us in so entirely that there is no separate from those thoughts The thoughts become making choices for us limiting our experiences telling us right and wrong only through breaking the trance that we can come to see the nature of things as they truly are Our brains supply us with an inordinate number of thoughts many of which are unhelpful and even downright inaccurate Taking each one seriously would be like visiting a beautiful beach and spending the entire timecounting the grains of sand Perhaps up until this point not even considered your thoughts | [
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as anything other than a literal reflection of your reality When a thought enters you take it seriously You feel it you worry about it and perhaps even begin to plan based on it Accepting thoughts at face value leads to fusing your identity with whatever thinking in a particular moment There should be a space between you the observer you and the thoughts your mind drops on you not your thoughts the leader the conductor the one who oversees and thought stream BECOME AN OBSERVER Observing your thoughts and feelings is similar to standing on a high rock to watch the sea and reflect on its many changes You notice the ocean waves turbulent at times peaceful at others and often somewhere in the middle From the safety of your rock easy to label what observing You do not experience yourself as the changes You are the one noticing the changes Even in a hurricane the sea eventually becomes calm again Observe yourself Recognize that even though your brain might be spinning with various scenarios it will eventually return to a more peaceful pattern And a peaceful brain will inevitably become unsettled again The feelings or thoughts that dominate | [
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the mind moment by moment eventually evaporate to be replaced by new feelings and thoughts Such is the nature of the mind 1 Sit quietly Imagine the observing part of yourself as separate from your thoughts and emotions 2 Notice the direction your mind roams and the accompanying physical sensations in your body 3 Perhaps you notice tension in your chest sweaty palms or you have a headache 4 Label these specific sensations without merging your identity or sense of self with them For example notice tension and worry coming over as opposed to a nervous wreck If you keep practicing find that thoughts emotions and sensations pass only to be replaced by others Calm invariably returns Your thoughts will not frighten you when you recognize that they are temporary and not a direct reflection of reality Go Deeper The Anxiety Struggle Cultivate your capacity for ease and calm by seeing the bigger picture of how much your struggle with anxiety has come to limit and define you Write a paragraph about your anxious identity How does your struggle with anxiety influence who you are as a How did your anxiety struggle start and what perpetuated your anxiety over How | [
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do you feel your anxiety will hold you back in What kind of person do you see yourself as as a result of your anxiety You can let this struggle go Consider how your identity would shift if you were able to better cope with your anxiety Write a second paragraph again with the realities of what you have endured but this time within the context that you have given up the struggle with anxiety You accept your it is what it is At the same time imagine you have found ways to manage and effectively cope You are able to experience joy be present and connect with others What kind of person would you see yourself as if anxiety no longer dominated your Our sense of our ability to grow changes depending on how we perceive our circumstances Start seeing yourself as someone who can countless recover from anxiety TRAIN STATION This strategy helps you observe and be aware of your experience without becoming overwhelmed by it 1 Imagine yourself safely on an elevated platform in the middle of a large train station You have a view of each track and see each train as it enters and leaves | [
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your station You see some trains reenter the station after just a few minutes Other trains take longer to reenter while others come back at all Some trains stick around for a bit before they head back out of the station Other trains leave immediately after arriving 2 Imagine your thoughts as these trains You are the one safelyobserving the thoughts come and go Some thoughts linger others leave quickly You have no control or urgency or job responsibility around this other than to be aware of your thoughts as you would the trains entering and exiting the station 3 Similar to or train see if you can label each train as it comes in and out of the station Without judgment or criticism list in your notebook or say aloud the thoughts that come through your station See if you can group the thoughts into larger thoughts thoughts family thoughts thoughts thoughts or thoughts Each time you label a thought as belonging to a certain category that thought becomes less persuasive and less significant Test Your Predictions Do you ever wonder why we tend to put our attention more into negative thoughts than positive Or why we can still | [
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remember a critical comment or upsetting interaction weeks or even years after the The is the term used to describe the fact that undesirable thoughts emotions and interactions have a greater impact on how we feel than do positive or neutral events In fact research shows that people are much better at remembering negative versus positive things including angry versus happy faces and take more time and mental energy processing negative events than positive ones This bias is part of our evolutionary wiring From a survival standpoint the cost of overlooking a negative is far greater than the cost of overlooking a positive Consider the early man who overlooks a bush loaded with edible berries He will probably survive the mistake but if he fails to look over his shoulder to see a stalking wolf pack he may not You can see how negativity bias helped our ancestors survive But in world when few of us face real threats in our daily lives this bias can result in lots of When we become overly anxious the negativity bias is often the culprit We scan our environment and ourselves for possible threats and then without thoughtful reflection make improbable forecasts of | [
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bad outcomes You can break away from the habitually unhelpful ways you see yourself and your world by turning each negative thought into a prediction to be tried out and tested YOUR ANXIETYTELLING When you experience anxious thinking it likely stops you in your tracks because you take it as a signal or even a command for you to worry and ruminate This may be your negativity bias operating at full tilt What if the anxious thinking is not a signal to stop and wring your hands but rather a sign that something you really care about or desire is at When you recognize making anxious predictions complete the following statements to see what might be on the other side of the anxiety for you and then test out your prediction 1 Write down an anxious prediction I drive have a panic attack Yet I seen my mother in a long time I worry all the time about why I drive I also beat myself up for being so weak 2 Write down why this matters to you want to visit my elderly mother and spend time with her She lives in a nursing home over an hour away so | [
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I have to drive already missed out on so much time with her but I deal with the panic 3 Write down strategies that might help you Practice progressive muscle relaxation deep breathing guided imagery driving and being able to cope and arrive Practice positive can and I will drive and see 4 Test out the anxious see if your hypothesis was accurate drove to my nursing home and I was uncomfortable but did not lose control and did not have a panic attack and I got to see my Here are specific ways to test common anxious predictions so you can start working on yours WHAT ANXIETY TELLS YOU HOW TO TEST IT afraid the airplane will crash and I will die Practice relaxation exercises visualization deep breathing and then take a flight worried about people not liking me and being rejected Go to a party work event neighborhood function and try to interact with people Ask let yourself recede into a corner never be successful Take on a new class work project hobby Build something take care of a plant start a garden never be loved Ask family if they love you still counts even if Or become | [
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a pet pets provide unconditional love to many The world is against me Notice the little light traffic good weather a kind person helping you in some way Catch the world when being good to you useless Do something that makes you feel build a garden take care of an elderly person or a child offer to help someone in your neighborhood clean your place of residence clean your car plan an activity of some sort and follow through Now take one of your anxious predictions remind yourself of why it matters to you that you work through it pick a strategy that will help you and go out in the world and test it UP Train the voice in your head toward and Replace anxious and negative thoughts with realistic thoughts Make goals and take actionable steps to lessen anxious rumination Go out in the world test out your anxious predictions and see if accurate CH APTER TEN Putting the Tools to Work Whether struggled with anxiety all of your life or if this is your first time likely had hopeless moments along the way Your anxious thinking may make you doubt your ability to progress no wonder you | [
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feel this way because anxiety can become like a part of your identity or a shadow you simply shake Here are ways to take the strategies reading about and form term habits that will lead you away from hopeless thinking and toward the satisfying life you want and deserve From Strategies to Habits If you continue to cultivate your skills for finding ease and calm when anxiety is triggered eventually your anxiety patterns will begin to break and in the spaces that open up you can cultivate new habits of thinking and responding important to remember that changing the wiring takes time and consistent practice just when we think we take it anymore and want to give up that we make our biggest gains Eventually for longer and longer periods of time forget that practicing healthy coping Instead enjoy the breeze on your face and the experience of living in this life now Consider what can come if you continue to do this work Perhaps your baseline anxiety level what you feel most of the time was at a 6 on a 1 to 10 scale is entirely relaxed and 10 is full anxiety Once these strategies become habits find | [
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that your baseline drops so now perhaps it is more like a 3 or a 4 This is a marked difference and is the payoff for all your effort Once your overall anxiety level decreases even if only by a few notches it will become even easier and faster to successfully challenge distressing thoughts and repetitive thinking Take a moment as you conclude this section to tune into your internal voice Is it chastising you that you should do more or reminding you of what you are doing wrong or criticizing your lack of Remember you do not have to do anything written in this book There is not a or or or approach to take you out of your anxietystruggle What will take you out of it is making a choice for yourself Do you want to live in a different You would not be engaging these strategies on any level if the answer yes So make a commitment to yourself to work on your anxiety each day no matter how small the effort When you miss a day just pick right back up no judgment no criticizing just pure clear persistent determination Planning Review the planning you started | [
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in chapter 4 here and revised in chapter 7 here Reconsider how well your planning system is working Have you followed through with the plans you made for yourself regarding implementing the Consider adding to your planning approach a couple of reminders each day on your phone or digital calendar You might have the reminder in order to stay relaxed and mindful Or the reminder to be aware of how speaking to yourself in your own head Review what you learned in the last two chapters Identify which strategies you want to incorporate into your current plan Try to do your anxiety work at the same time or times each day A precise time provides a cue for the brain that will hasten the process Track Your Progress One of the most powerful ways to make a new behavior into a habit is to track what doing essential to progress that you set up a system where you track on a daily basis the strategies using and the intensity of your anxiety As seen previously you can quickly and easily track progress with a chart you sketch out in your notebook Take a look at the example STRATEGY MON TUES | [
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WEDS THURS FRI SAT SUN vs Record Your Thoughts Downward Arrow Technique Test Your Core Beliefs Identify Your Worry Triggers vs Possible Outcomes Unproductive vs Productive Worry Spot Overgeneralizing Stop Underestimating Your Competence Become Aware of Your Pink Unicorns Replace Negative Thoughts Helplessness Analysis Become an Observer Train Station Your Anxiety Telling Rate Your Anxiety on a 1 to 10 Scale 3 7 9 2 7 5 3 Each day check any and all strategies you use from chapters 8 and 9 or make a version of this table based on the strategies most to you Also be sure to rate your anxiety using a 1 to 10 scale with 1 being entirely relaxed and 10 being full anxiety meltdown Goal Setting Struggling with anxiety can feel like fighting the current We spend so much time working to stay afloat that we have the energy left to focus on actually getting somewhere Operating in survival mode has some negative consequences especially when it comes to anxiety management First and foremost survival mode lead to progress in terms of consistently escaping the torment of anxiety Also survival mode keeps us stuck in a mental state where neither fully present nor able | [
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to enjoy the things we cherish most Take a break from treading water Imagine yourself safely on a boat even if only for a few moments From this vantage point you can observe your anxiety spiral without becoming entirely engulfed by it With this perspectivein mind consider your goals for anxiety What made you pick up this What do you want to How do you want to feel on the How do you wish you could cope with anxious People often get to this point and then start to doubt themselves or talk themselves out of their goals because they fear it will be too hard to accomplish or not strong enough to meet challenging tasks or they will fail in the end Remember people like you all over the world have struggled with anxiety and have gotten better not that they never feel anxious again but they find methods to cope in healthy ways and stay present in their lives Anxiety is treatable perhaps more so than any other mental health problem and people get better by consistently applying new ways of thinking and coping Setting a goal and sticking to it is akin to spotting and then reaching | [
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a buoy while treading water in the ocean Each buoy leads to another and another and before you know it you see the shore on the horizon Putting the effort in and reaching for goals will almost instantaneously help you believe in yourself increase your and make your anxiety seem less daunting STRATEGY OF THE DAY Pick a few strategies from this section that you can incorporate on a daily basis or a different specific focus each day One example would be to label a day Day where mindful of your internal narrative or Errors in Thinking Day where you commit to focusing on what exaggerated or irrational thought patterns may be making you feel anxious Another helpful strategy is to an of your thoughts each day If only for five minutes commit to watching your thoughts go by without becoming attached or actively pushing them away STRATEGY OF THE WEEK Pick a few overarching or general strategies that you can work into your weekly routine at least three times this week They need to take a prolonged period of time just something reasonably achievable for you in the context of your life For example you could incorporate the idea | [
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of Learn where you commit to taking one reasonable actionablestep to combat what is making you anxious Or commit to a hypothesis test and use it to challenge at least one of your anxious beliefs Go Deeper Create Your Weekly Strategies Calendar Revisit your weekly strategies calendar you created in chapters 4 here and 7 here Take a moment to look over the current month If you have not already done so write in work social and family commitments and appointments Habit formation comes faster when we teach our brain new strategies and techniques on a daily basis Also anxiety is reduced when we have a solid plan and stick to it Write in one strategy from chapters 8 and 9 that willing to employ every day of the month Assess what is coming up by digitally or manually marking red yellow and green zones on your calendar Red zones are those that are more anxiety charged green are those where you expect to be fairly at ease and feel less internal pressure and yellow are neutral where you imagine you will feel neither very anxious nor very relaxed Take a step back and consider which red zones might trigger | [
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anxious thinking for you On days or times where you anticipate anxious thinking or see a red zone write down a strategy that you think will be particularly suited for that specific trigger For example if anticipating a few events that will cause you to ruminate or overthink consider keeping a thought record that week Also if dreading an encounter consider if underestimating your competence and filtering out your abilities and strengths that can help you through the difficult situation In For the kind of change that really lasts for the long term important to check in with yourself and see how progressing Otherwise you may fall back into those same old anxious habits Checking in is a way to stay focused on your goals and to notice which strategies are working or which you may want to add or change Check in with yourself to take stock of going well and also what lost sight of on your path to a peaceful life And as you also take stockof your setbacks recommit to persevering Rewiring the brain takes practice and time How Did You Start by reflecting on how doing every couple of days Then as you notice your | [
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symptoms improving check in once a week and then eventually monthly How successful were you with your daily How about your weekly Based on the 1 to 10 scale are you noticing any symptom Improvement may be subtle at first but any reduction in the intensity of your anxiety even going from an 8 to a 7 is an improvement If you as successful as like try things differently Swap out the strategies been using for others and be honest about blocking you from making more progress Remind yourself that you want this and you can and will have peace of mind and a meaningful life STICKING WITH IT Any time we make a change or learn something new we experience disappointments and obstacles When you hit setbacks take a moment to consider what negative thoughts or beliefs you have about your ability to get better and start new techniques For example you might have the thought these exercises will improve my anxiety and simultaneously think exercises are hard so I probably get anywhere Consider incorporating more realistic thoughts For example people have done this and made themselves better so maybe I could change or have to implement the strategies | [
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all the time or be perfect at it to improve Each day one step closer to your goal of emotional freedom give up You will come out on the other side of your anxiety on the other Ease within your body and your mind The kind of ease that will enable you to steadily push out of your comfort zone so you no longer miss out on all life has to offer You can and will achieve connect and live a fully present life Reading about the strategies means no longer resigning yourself to an anxious life This change alone of giving yourself new ways of thinking and managing your anxiety perhaps more than any other will deliver the peaceand calm you deserve Now keep going give already come so far What Learn in This Section Recognize that you do have the ability to manage your anxiety and experience the kind of ease and calm you want This confidence have to come all at once However something all capable of building and this section addresses how to stick with the strategies for the long term One element is learning to celebrate your successes Recognition of progress even when it comes | [
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in very small increments fuels your ability to be persistent and persistence is the path to new learning We will also look at how to sidestep the negativity bias nip anxiety in the bud and clarify which strategies you want to maintain throughout your life And we will explore ways to accelerate your progress on the reduction building your support network psychotherapy and medication CH APTER ELEVEN The Road Ahead Outlook It is estimated that one in five adults in the United States meets the diagnostic criteria for an anxiety disorder As prevalent as anxiety is it is also highly responsive to treatment But how can we tell who will get better and who Well I see it consistently in my practice and research backs this When people adopt these three they typically are able to learn sooner rather than later to manage their anxiety symptoms 1 Believe you need to Doing the same things always done keeps you stuck Open yourself up to new ways of thinking and behaving and start changing 2 Believe in the and the process is only a distraction from building the new habits that will take you away from anxiety and toward greater calm | [
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The strategies in this book are all evidence based which means research has proven their effectiveness The strategies work they really 3 Believe in your ability to As seen people just like you all over the world experience anxious patterns yet find sustained peace of mind so why this be Believe in yourself and you will gain control over your anxiety Your Biggest Victories So Far Take a moment to remember what emotions and habits were ruling you before you read this book Now like playing back a reel of sports highlights look at your greatest victories so far Perhaps you connect with your other emotions except for anxiety and now no longer afraid to look under the anxiety and understand what really feeling Or perhaps found ways to relax your body and not feel as physically keyed up Maybe stopped avoiding something or a few things that have long caused you fear and apprehension Maybe the concept of acceptance that anxiety is a part of human experience has opened up space so a now separate from being anxious Or maybe found ways to become unstuck from or challenge yourfearful and patterns You may even have moments now where able | [
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to observe your thoughts or feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them If thinking about your struggle differently if engaging new ways of thinking or behaving consider yourself victorious Now keep on doing working Your Biggest Challenges So Far What have been your biggest challenges so Perhaps you continue to struggle and have not yet seen any noticeable benefit Or perhaps the improvements feel too small and not impactful enough It can feel impossible to keep believing in yourself and your treatment approach when not noticing any measurable change Take a firm look at the facts Are you following the Do you believe the strategies will Do you believe in yourself and your ability to improve and live the life you deeply Also consider if there are specific strategies or even entire sections of the book that you find particularly challenging Reflect on what has been the hardest for you to accept to take in and to change Consider whether you might benefit from additional support to help you with the rougher patches on therapy and medication in chapter 12 Give yourself compassion for going toward difficult and for not giving up The Road to Progress Always Straight Change unfold in | [
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a straight line although we often believe it should which is why when we confront setbacks we become and start to doubt ourselves This kind of thinking sabotages progress and contributes to us giving up entirely The reality is that setbacks and failures along the path to change are inevitable for everyone Our brains have the miraculous ability to rewire to grow to however our brains also cling to become habit This contradictory tension means change does not come immediately or without effort Sustained change the kind that really makes a difference takes time and consistency Each time you hit a roadblock instead of and consider the roadblock a signal of your growth and progress After all if you were still stuck doing what always been doing you have come across a roadblock When progress on the trail stalls or even halts completely it means likely progressed more than you imagined and why the setback bothers you Setbacks are part of your adjustment process Keep persisting give up and return to the strategies again and again It will pay off Go Deeper Gratitude Recognizing what thankful for increases contentment and peace of mind The negativity bias as seen is wired | [
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into our brain as a survival mechanism We tend to dwell on relive and attempt to problem solve the negative more than the positive When this process buffered by joy or contentment we become more anxious We can counter the negativity bias easily and in only a few minutes a day Adopt a daily practice of identifying two or three things that you appreciate You can write these in your notebook or internally reflect on them important is to bring conscious and deliberate attention to what is going well or at least okay in your life or what you feel positively about within yourself Building Your New Habits Once been successful with a strategy take it to the next level Practice the strategies on multiple occasions across a variety of settings For example if you fear eating out in public decide to just go to the same restaurant with the same friend over and over Instead challenge yourself to go to a variety of restaurants and with a variety of people great to become comfortable knowing that no longer going to have a panic attack in your local movie theater but consider branching out to other theaters in nearby towns | [
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or even going to a play or a concert Or if working on obsessive thinking just work on it when at your place of employment Work to be mindful an observer when home alone when driving even when interacting with others Practice the strategies across a variety of and eventually start using them instinctively The more you act the way you wish you could act and do the things youused to avoid and think in the ways that bring peace of mind the quicker new habits will form and then before you know it become automatic Catch Anxiety Early Catch anxiety early before left the barn so to speak and stop it in its tracks before it becomes too intense to pull back A way to start catching anxiety early is to develop a quick and easy habit of checking in with yourself So instead of rushing from task to task person to intentionally STOP Take time to be mindful of your ongoing experience At the end of the day when you arrive home STOP before entering Reflect for a few check in with yourself When you end one encounter STOP going on in your body your What sensations do | [
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you When you finish a task STOP Reflect on what tinges or shifts might be happening mentally or physically for you Literally say to yourself want to see you going on in and As you move along your path you may find there are stretches of time when no longer deliberately thinking about the strategies You may feel that the zone able to effortlessly manage hardships Still even with progress easy for us to go back to old ways of thinking and acting Consider placing sticky notes in key locations bedroom or reminders on your digital calendar of the strategies that are working well for you so you keep them top of mind and use them even when you may not feel like you need them Also set a reminder on your calendar once or twice a month to review the material in this book and what written in your notebook if you think you need Goal Setting Each time you reach a goal consider the strategies that got you there and if possible to expand those strategies to reach even larger goals For example perhaps you implemented worry here and it worked Now that discovered its effectiveness consider making | [
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it a goal to do this strategy on a daily basis Or if you recognize that Your works when under stress consider implementing this strategy every day while driving to work with or without stress Once your overall anxiety level decreases likely find that you think about your goals in new ways and find deeper more meaningful ways to impact your life And as your increases the overall picture of the path forward will no longer bring dread but instead pleasure and optimism You have much to look forward the Big Refocus on the bigger picture in which overall strategies are important to you in maintaining your life These are the strategies that either worked well for you or are linked to something you care about like an active social life a list of some of the things my clients keep in mind Make a list of your own Physical exercise Daily mindfulness Physical health Live your best life Acceptance Challenge your thoughts Exposure Make space for yourself separate from your anxious thoughtsCH APTER TWELVE Building Your Support Network Human connection relieves anxiety Looking another person in the eye and sharing our vulnerable moments aspirations and setbacks soothes our nervous | [
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systems If been caught in grip for some time you may not have had the mental space to sustain close family or friendship ties meetings with a therapist or group therapy are ways to start garnering some person support Online tools also can be helpful Sharing your goals progress and setbacks with others offers a sturdy brace that will give you encouragement and perspective as you find your way Finding a Therapist Be Calm is for you to use on your own or with a therapist if you have one You can find relief on your own if persistent and stay with it However you will want to participate in psychotherapy if like to accelerate the learning process deepen your if you have little social support or if implemented the strategies and are not feeling much relief or progress Psychotherapy in a sense is a mini laboratory where you can try out your new skills with another human in real time Unlike your life the therapeutic life is safe and confidential and the therapist has no connection with your outside relationships or broader life Often working with a therapist can be tremendously effective in understanding yourself and in developing a | [
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support network outside of therapy The past in particular unprocessed grief and trauma has a significant impact on the persistence of anxiety symptoms Consider weekly psychotherapy to help you work through past trauma and loss that may be impacting your ability to feel sustained relief from anxiety As seen anxiety frequently masks other negative emotions that you may be unaware of or have not yet processed Talking with a therapist can help you uncover those negative emotions and identify causing them Very typically anxiety lifts when you enter therapy and start the process ofexploring your deeper emotions and issues You may be faced with other complicated emotions but awareness of them will significantly accelerate the recovery process Medication In some cases medication along with psychotherapy is the best approach for anxiety reduction This should be considered only after using the strategies in this book on a consistent basis and meeting with a licensed mental health therapist or clinical psychologist If you and your therapist believe medication could be helpful set up an appointment with a psychiatrist Psychiatrists have specific training in how drugs impact emotions and behavior If you decide to try medication be wary of benzodiazepines and prescription painkillers | [
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Xanax Ativan and Benzodiazepines and sedatives work right away to bring down anxiety which provides relief in the moment but over time easy to become dependent on them Also if you use sedating medication you will be unmotivated to implement the strategies and your brain will be less able to retain the new ways of dealing with anxiety And there is a rebound effect when benzodiazepines and painkillers wear off Anxiety typically comes roaring back in even stronger and then feel the immediate need for more of the drug Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors are generally more effective for anxiety reduction over the longer term However essential that you undergo a full assessment with a psychiatrist for an accurate diagnosis and appropriate medication regime Getting Referrals Accessing support whether with a psychologist a psychiatrist or a support group is a way to enhance your recovery process as you move toward your goal of anxiety reduction Often a good place to start is with your general practitioner Talk to your medical doctor about your symptoms and see if they can refer you to a psychotherapist or clinical psychologist Online search engines can also be quite helpful in getting | [
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a referral The Anxiety and Depression Association of America website has a a link that will connect you with licensed mental health providers in your geographical area who specialize in the treatment of anxiety Some of the listed mental health professionals also provide telemental services through video conferencing phone or email The Social Anxiety Institute website also provides a referral list oftreatment providers as well as other resources for lessening social anxiety The American Psychological Association a professional organization for psychologists has an online tool to find a psychologist near you as does Psychology Today where you can read various profiles to see who might be a good fit When searching for a therapist to help you with anxiety symptoms look for those who are licensed mental health providers or licensed clinical psychologists who specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy mindfulness acceptance and commitment therapy As seen these approaches are well researched and have shown to be effective in the treatment of anxiety disorders Online Support Working on the strategies in a vacuum with no outside influence will not be as effective as if you share what doing with the outside world Whether you talk with trusted friends or family or | [
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seek online support makes little difference However finding a way to connect with others who also struggle can help you feel more normal and keep the material fresh in your mind The National Alliance on Mental Illness is one of the leading mental health organizations in the United States NAMI supports advocates and educates on behalf of the mentally ill and their families The NAMI website offers support regarding a range of mental health experiences as well as what it is like to live with the stigma of mental illness The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has an online anxiety and depression support group where you can connect with people all over the world who cope with anxiety You can join this group anonymously through the online app or through subscribing One positive step to take is to sign up and simply peruse ongoing conversations to help you feel connected to others struggling with similar symptoms Over time you may become more and more comfortable initiating your own discussions The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides free confidential support 24 hours a day seven days a week for people in crisis and in need of immediate intervention Support Groups Group | [
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therapy is extremely effective in lessening anxiety symptoms In fact for some people group therapy is more impactful than individual therapy Group therapy works because it challenges our ideas that alone in our suffering and are somehow or others as a result Thisexperience reduces shame and isolation and also helps with the idea of accepting anxiety while you continue to live your life Communicating and connecting in a group therapy setting often helps people develop around their in social relationships While in the group a person may act out a role that they use to manage their anxiety in real life i e overly friendly withdrawn very inquisitive constantly talking dismissive Group members typically reflect on the roles they notice and provide one another with feedback Because group therapy is not real life and is confidential it feels safe for people to process such feedback As a result they become more flexible or even adopt other roles in the group that will eventually extend to their relationships In addition when in an anxious state adrenaline can take over It can be hard to know what we feel deep down let alone find the words to express what feeling Yet anxiety | [
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typically decreases when able to talk with others Group therapy is a type of exposure in that probably feel anxious at moments At the same time a nonthreatening place for you to become more skillful at knowing what feeling when feeling it and becoming comfortable expressing it Finding a Group If you decide that group therapy is a treatment approach like to try and you have an individual therapist consider asking your therapist if they know of a group that would be a good fit for you Alternatively there is a a Support feature on the Anxiety and Depression Association of America website as well as the Psychology Today website Keep in mind there are two common types of group therapies groups are led by a therapist but generally the therapist lets the group members steer the discussion Process groups are about the group experiences of what observing feeling or want to discuss groups also are led by a therapist but the therapist takes on an instructor role Psychoeducational groups are helpful when looking to gain specific skills in some area of your life or functioning In this case an anxiety psychoeducational group might discuss coping skills and strategies Starting | [
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a Group As seen anxiety is an extremely prevalent issue for many people If looking for an anxiety therapy group in your local area and find one chances are others are too If you decide to start a group think carefully about how you wish to structure it what kinds of members targeting for the group anxiety anxiety and other mood issues relationship and who will be the leader Consider if you want this to be a or more of an group also important to think through group therapy rules typically helpful not to have a group with family members or people who know one another very well because it reduces anonymity and the comfort that comes from anonymity Confidentiality among group members is key to feeling safe and open which is what helps people grow Staying the Course Like many things in life success in your pursuit of anxiety reduction and internal peace takes patience adaptability and perseverance Of course anxiety is unpleasant and like it to stop as quickly as possible However habits take practice to form and they take practice to break Compassionately remind yourself that nothing wrong with you if you feel that your recovery moving | [
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as fast as like And just because taking time mean you get better Allow yourself to adjust the strategies for your personal brand of anxiety symptoms One strategy may work for a while but important to try new ones so you stay challenged and keep growing As your symptoms improve the anxiety will likely change and present itself differently You will need to adjust and bring new skills into your repertoire If the strategies working or are going only so far then consider individual psychotherapy or group therapy Some people do both If therapy work on its own consider combining psychotherapy and medication And most importantly whatever you do give Allow yourself to pick the work back up again and again Believe in the process Your work will pay off in the form of a brighter future Resources Online Anxiety and Depression Association of America adaa org Social Anxiety Institute socialanxietyinstitute org American Psychological Association apa org National Alliance on Mental Illness nami org National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Meditation app Meditation and sleep app Further Reading Antony M M and Swinson R P When Perfect Good Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism Oakland New Harbinger Bourne E J The Anxiety and | [
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Dr Weber works with teenagers individuals and couples managing varying degrees of anxiety from panic attacks generalized anxiety and life stress Dr Weber uses a combined approach of cognitive behavioral therapy mindfulness and acceptance techniques when working with anxiety symptoms She writes a blog for Psychology Today and has appeared as a psychology expert in various media outlets including USA Today Washington Post Nightline U S News World Report and CNN Dr Weber is the author of Having Sex Wanting Why Women Settle for Relationships and the Relationship Formula series including the titles Breaking Up and Divorce 5 Steps Building 5 Steps Toxic Love 5 Steps and Getting Close to Others 5 Steps For more information see www DrJillWeber com | [
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