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with ten-inch Whitehall fangs. |
This video came from YouTube. |
What? |
It was uploaded via an encrypted IP over an hour ago. |
Well get it off there! |
We did, after nine minutes, |
but that was long enough for it to be downloaded, |
duplicated and spread. |
Spread? |
How many people have seen this? |
We take down one, six clones immediately pop up elsewhere. |
How many people? |
50,000, that's our current estimate. |
The news rooms have got it. |
They're running this on air? |
No, no, we put a type 5D notice out immediately. |
And they're complying. |
For now, it's trending on Twitter. |
Oh for... fucking Internet. |
So what now? What's the play book? |
This is virgin territory, Prime Minister. |
There's no play book. |
(woman) Princess Susannah's been kidnapped. |
You scared the shit out of me. |
And there's a YouTube of it... |
Oh, go to work. |
(Princess Susannah) ...and have full unsimulated |
sexual intercourse with a pig... |
No way. It's a piss take, man, look at it! |
I don't understand! |
Why's it not on the news. |
(woman) ...Carlton Bloom's controversial agitation |
exhibition at the Tate Modern closes three weeks ahead of |
schedule amid criticism... |
So how do we even describe it? "An indecent act." |
Everyone's seen the video. |
They already know the full details. |
If we mention bestiality pre-watershed, |
Ofcom would be seriously pissed off. |
Fuck Ofcom. |
We're still observing the D notice. |
But surely we're going to do something... |
We're honouring the D notice. |
The voluntary D notice. |
It may be a sportsman-like gesture, |
but we are making it, |
a woman's life is at stake here, we follow procedure. |
My time line consists 100 per cent of viewers asking |
why we're not covering it. |
How do I reply? |
You don't. |
That is totally backwards. |
No-one else has broken rank, not the Beeb, not Sky, not... |
I hear Facebook's coverage is pretty comprehensive. |
(Laughter) That may be, but... |
(woman) It's like 9/11's happening |
and we're broadcasting sandwich recipes. |
Martin We're not a chat room. |
It's on CNN. And Fox. |
And MSNBC, Al Jazeera, NHK... |
Yeah, all right. |
Oh, God, this planet. |
Okay, Sarah, cover the snatch itself, Damon public reaction, |
Mira, the royal angle, upcoming marriage etc. |
Simon, set tone with standards and practices. |
we need to explain this without viewers |
sicking up their Weetabix. |
Lorcan, the Internet aspect, new paradigm, Twitter, Arab spring, |
all that bibble. |
Dan, all graphics run past me, keep it functional, |
no pepper pigs. |
Malaika, update the Princess obit VT. |
The obit VT? |
Hm, first an awkward phone call, the least I can do is warn Tom. |
We put a D notice on it. |
(Martin) It's gone global, Tom. |
Don't. |
(Martin) I can't do anything... |
- I'm begging you. - You're begging me? |
Don't run it, Martin. |
Look I'm sorry, I can't help you. |
You know how much help you're getting from here on in? |
Multiplying nothing by shit all, UKN is dead to us. |
Shove it up your ass, you fucking... |
Interesting? |
A man. |
A man? |
A man. |
Tom. So you're across it, |
I'm exploring contingency plans. |
I briefed Callett. |
Ah, Mr Callett, Noel from Blue Eye. |
Noel won an Emmy for his effects work |
on that HBO moon Western thing. |
Sea of Tranquillity. |
Yeah, yeah, you won't find better. |
Can you map a head onto a different body, live? |
It depends if your camera's moving. |
Rule sheet specifies a single hand held camera |
in a constant roving motion. |