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thisiskeithkwan

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user-212

['But it was never about suicide for you?', 'I know that when I get in my episodes, it helps to have someone near, maybe listen, never talk. Its good to feel alone next to someone else. We go through the same things, PM me when you want to feel alone with someone. Weve got a Asthenia of shit to get through. Lets do this together. ', ':(I hear that all the time, and I still dont get it. Perhaps an analogy? ', 'Same here. Getting an ambulance out there. Hopefully everything is okay.', 'I thought the EXACT same thing when I went. And Im not gonna lie, there is some skanky floats that go by. Know what else goes by?My citys mayor, Annise Parker and her supporters. Members of the HFD and HPD. Churches with their groups singing hymns. Members of our military. Athletes of our teams. All gay.Thats the thing, being gay isnt a "culture". Its just you. Being gay doesnt make you limp-wristed, lisp-speaking, and effeminate. Hell, I know straight guys that are like that. Theres a barrier of preconceived notions that you have to see through. Ive had friends, during times of drunk talk, ask me if I was gay. Id ask why they would ask that. They said because though I am attracted as hell to female bodies and get turned on by them, male persona seems to be attractive to me. And its kind of true. My girl is 56, 110lbs and willowy as hell. But she is VERY much like a dude in many ways. One of my friends calls her Ovaries 2.0.All Im saying is that since this is a bit "new" to you, try it all out. Put yourself out there and see what its all like. Youre scared, I see that. But fuck Fear and try it. The first time my girlfriend and I went we were shocked at how beautiful and positive people were there.Dont be sucked in by what the tv shows you. Yes, theres that. But theres so much more for you to experience.', 'What sort of outlet did you end up finding? Or did the drugs take the urge away?', 'This made the most sense to me. Like depression, I suppose it is different for everyone.How do you suppose I could bring that up with her? To talk to her about it? I dont want to keep acting like I dont see it.', 'Update: Called and verified: Police on the scene.', 'I just got home. The weather is cool, I have my gf in her pajamas and my dog curled up next to me. I just got back from the bar where I was with two friends watching the World Series at Hooters, and have laid down.Two of those three people accompanied me to an emergency hospital visit one night when I had, with a clear head, decided to kill myself. They were there all day to see me through my counseling and my doctors.I am here for you.', 'So would you say it was connected to depression, or to the high you got from the masochism?', 'I saw everyone talking about going to LGBT centers and talking to counselors, and I read that the culture bothers you and whatnot. Heres my tidbit...Im 31, straight but am comfortable enough to be attracted to dudes plus I have amazing gay friends that cover the spectrum from ass-less chaps to ones that are republican-conservative christians. Heres what I think you should do, and please take it with a grain of salt because I cant even BEGIN to imagine what youre going through--go to a gay pride parade.My gf and I go every year. Theres straight people everywhere, bi people, transgendered, and gay people. Its an amazing experience into the various "sub-cultures" of the gay community. Just go. Dont do anything, dont say anything, just go and experience. When you do, examine--*truly* examine how you felt there. Examine how you felt personally. Do you still hate yourself? Is there a line that you cant cross? (I knew gay dudes who were gay but werent into the "sex" thing with their mates, but did everything else as a loving couple). As in many cultures theres the sub-groups youll relate to and others you find ghastly. Just go and experience. What you need (I believe) is to meet others who were/are in the same situation. Because you are **not** the only person going through this. And who knows, maybe if you make it out of this okay, youll be able to help someone else. But please, for an anonymous person who cares Tired much about you, just go. Then make a decision.', 'Was it directly correlated to your feelings? Or did it also encompass your sex life too?I ask because people say it made them feel better, now I wonder if theres a connection to masochism in the bedroom.', 'So its a semblance of control?', 'Wow...did you ever realize how bad it was during it, liking it and all? Its one thing knowing its taboo, its another knowing its incredibly bad for you.', 'So for you, its almost like a punishment for yourself?I exercise a lot. My motivation for the Pain I endure is because I dont deserve to eat what I want. Im ugly, and have taken so much for granted that its ruined me and my life. So I lift weights to the point of tears and near vomiting. Is that similar?', 'Thank you so much for that *hugs*', 'You sound just like me except youre fine financially.Its fucked up isnt it? What are we supposed to do? Nothings really worth it. Ive been Depression by whole life. Im 31 and still struggle every day. So many missed opportunities, so many mistakes that takes you years in repayment. It would just be easier to sleep and never wake. Sometimes I coldly think about ending it. You know the type; not even emotional--just cold. But the only thing that has gotten me from doing it...Curiosity. Its funny. I was going to be so pissed if I died before LOST ended and I never found out what the fuck the island was. Before that, it was the prequel to the Star Wars movies...that was a regret. My nephew was just born a few months ago...I wonder if hell turn out like me. Depression and bi-polarism runs in my family. What if he feels alone when it hits him?This girl Im with. What if shes the one? Fuck...I want to die. Whats the point of all this? I cant fucking tell you. I dont know the answer. Id like to think itll be easier...but what if it isnt? What if it wont be? I dont know. But what I do know is this: if curiosity killed the cat, then maybe Im dying right now? Maybe this is it. Maybe I am killing myself but feeding myself the bullshit that Im just too goddamn curious about. Theres so much I want to see!! But theres so much I dont want to deal with.I dont know if this helped. But youre not alone. Im the biggest fucking coward I know. The burdens are so hard (even as my bills are racking up) but I really want to know if Will Ferell will stay with The Office after these last few episodes.', 'You cant have anyone unless you allow someone who wants to help, in.', 'I feel it every day. I question my existence and why Im such a coward to do it. Its a battle amongst many every day.You are not alone. Your struggle is also mine. We can be alone together.', 'Thank you for answering!y question is how did you reconcile actual Pain, though? It seems like Major Payne where you break a finger to stop feeling a headache. Also, you mention a release of Pressure. Is this Pressure emotional? Chemical? How did it continue, and how come you didnt need it anymore?', 'I could be watching a movie. Playing some SC2. Maybe some LoL. But I saw your post and I want to. If youre not ready to talk, thats okay. I have all night, all day, any time. This, to me, is more important. I remember when I truly didnt have anyone to give me the slightest time of day. Not a second, not a question, not a "Hey, howre ya feelin?" Nothing. I wouldnt be so Sharp Pain to make assumptions out of the few people that have already replied, let alone, subscribe to this subreddit.', 'Obviously a clear understanding of privacy. ', 'Thank you for sharing that. Im beginning to understand a bit. Would you ever look forward to it? Or would the desire just come in the midst of an episode?', 'The common thing Ive heard, and from my sister-in-law who is a therapist, is that they do it to let the Pain out.That makes no sense to me. ']

Ideation

user-295

['Youre not alone. Were with you.', 'Hey there.Could you tell me your story? Id be interested in hearing it.', 'Hey.There are a list of hotline numbers available for you to call if you need someone to talk to: /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlinesWe want you to stay with us. No one will be happier if you go through with this. Please dont do it.', 'Theres nothing wrong with making new friends hoping they might point you towards that special someone. But at the same time, by branching out and meeting new people, you might meet that special someone on your own.You still have more than half of your life ahead of you. Its way too early to give up on searching. There are people in their 90s getting married. Its never too late.', 'Hi.Have you tried talking to a guidance counselor at your school, or one of your teachers? They could get you some of the help that you need.', 'I know it might seem hopeless, but there are certainly other people in their 40s looking to make new friends, just Hyperactive behavior you. You might find people with common interests that hang out with you every night, or just someone to talk to about the weather once a week. There are a lot of people in the world, and I would bet that at least half of them are wanting to make a new friend with someone. But youll never find them until you start searching.', 'The hotlines are there to get you the help that you need. They can help you get counseling or connect you to other resources to get you back on track and find that next step.', 'Your father is fully capable of taking care of himself. What you need to Anxiety about is *your* mental health and well-being. Dont let your father scare you into not getting the help that you need.', 'Youre right, people dont suddenly become friends. It takes time and common interests. If you volunteer at an animal shelter, or a zoo, or a museum, you already have at least one common interest with the others that are working and volunteering there. Given enough time, if you keep talking to the same individuals, its possible for you to become friends with someone.My grandmother has been living in assisted living, and still manages to make new friends just by seeing and talking to the same people everyday. Youre never too old to make new friends.', 'Hey.Have you talked to a guidance counselor at your school, or a teacher? Talking with someone one-on-one instead of with your whole family could be more productive.', 'Most people that work at hotlines are volunteers who arent paid. They do it not for a paycheck but because they care about you as a human being.Please give them a chance. They really do care about you.', 'Hey.Have you considered joining any clubs, or doing any volunteer work? Working at something Hyperactive behavior an animal shelter, soup kitchen, or food pantry can be a great way to meet new people and make some new friends.', 'Hey.If you need someone to talk to, Im willing to listen. Whats going on?', 'Families are being started later every generation. Theres nothing wrong with starting a brand new family in your 40s or 50s. You might think that time is running out, but its not. Theres so much time still Ventricular Dysfunction, Left for you to do all the wonderful things a couple and family can do.Youre only 42 years old. Thats still young. My dad is 64 years old and still does all the yard work, house maintenance, and construction you can think of. Hes active and plays tennis and basketball every week. My parents go out on bike rides all the time. Theyve been going on trips to places Hyperactive behavior Disney World and Savanna, Georgia. Theyve been doing wonderful things that couples do.Theres nothing you can do in your 20s that you cant do at age 42, or age 50, or age 64.', 'Are there any after-school clubs or sports that you might find interesting? I have met a lot of new friends by going to clubs with people who had similar interests to me. Im sure theyd love to have a new member join.If you just need someone to talk to, your school guidance counselors are there to listen to you. Please go talk to them about what youre experiencing; they are there to help you.', 'Hey.If you need to talk, Im willing to listen. Whats going on?']

Supportive

user-457

['You are REALLY young. That is on your side. You have time to heal. When I was your age (26 now) I used to be very desperate and Depressed mood as well. I still get very Depressed mood sometimes, but I managed to improve my life and actually found happiness for a few years. I am so so these days. I think you have to realize that most people dont care about others in general so you cant really count on them to save you. You have to save yourself. Considering you are very Depressed mood you are probably unable to see possible solutions to your problems. You should definitely go to therapy. Your college probably offers therapy. GO! It may be a bit awkward to say how you really feel, but once you do the therapist may be able to point out things that can help you. That is what I did, and it helped me a lot. Its not easy, but its better than wasting away. ', 'Just be happy. Jk. Try 5-HTP it is a supplement, and the precursor to serotonin. Also vitamin D. That helps me feel better. Also try to observe your life without judgement. Meditation is useful for this. Listen to Alan Watts on how to meditate. It will help you understand yourself more. Of course it is hard to pull this off. Meditation will help you observe your thoughts... it can help you figure out what you are so afraid of and why, and who you are. You can take action to make your life better from there. None of this is easy to figure out though. Thats the problem. Life doesnt owe you anything. Life doesnt care about you, or me or anyone else. Do you REALLY want to die? I would assume probably not... at least try to start making your life better little by little. Also... one day you will hardly remember what it was Hyperactive behavior to feel the way you are feeling now. WORST case scenario go on medication. ', 'Ill talk to you. ', 'Try 5-HTP. I take 50-100mg a day and it helps significantly. It is a supplement, and the precursor to serotonin. It is 100% legal, and you can find it in vitamin shops. ', 'I used to have A LOT of suicidal thoughts up until recently. Stuff just Hyperactive behavior that... thinking stuff Hyperactive behavior, "well what if I just drowned myself in the ocean instead of going to this place." I think it is a sign that you are VERY unhappy, and need change. Thats what it was for me at least. ', 'Ok well why are you afraid of that? And I have also felt that I dont want to be another mindless drone at a desk. That is why I am following my dreams to the best of my ability. Living the wrong life, or living in fear is one of the worst ways to live. The cliche of being yourself really does apply... you dont want to go around living a lie Hyperactive behavior most people. Of course being yourself is hard, but this is life. Nothing grand is easy, or arguably even worth it. The point is that if you have decided that you are going to live, you may as well go for what you truly want. ', 'I remember when I was Depressed mood and suffering from severe Anxiety Mental Depression I was very Anger about things about my life. When I addressed those things it subsided significantly. It could be possible that your bad circumstances are pushing your mental issues over the edge, or even creating them. Try addressing them one by one. Easier said than done, but nothing worthwhile is easy. You say you have problems with money. There are scholarships, payment plans, tax credits, loans and who knows what else that you can take advantage of. Maybe you can go to community college to complete your GEN ED and then transfer to a four year to save money. Talk to someone who knows about this at your college, and do some research on line.I was on the verge of killing myself just Hyperactive behavior you once... when you are in those states it seems impossible that your life can improve, but remember the Mental Depression blinds you. IT can potentially improve if you start properly addressing what is wrong. There is a real chance there. ']

Ideation

user-251

['This place cant cause Mental Depression if you dont have Mental Depression. It will make you sad.If you do have Mental Depression, it ~~may~~ ~~probably~~ will trigger it.', 'ty sir. I will keep this in my thoughts.', 'Just imagine that, but without the girlfriend.Now you have my life.', 'I dont know then, maybe Im just selfish for wanting a Drug abuse over a low.', 'A few of those', 'I only seem to exercise when Im not low...I just cant bring myself to get out of my chair or bed and exercise, I just dont have the energy.', 'I woke up, took a shower, put on decent clothes, and Ive had suicidal thoughts and Sad mood all day.', 'I have friends that want me to come out and do stuff, but I just cant. It just sucks.', 'Depression *is* me.', 'Im in a low but Im pretty sure its waning. Ill give it a few more days - a week until Im hypo.', 'I dont draw at all.I just find no pleasure in drawing.', 'I accepted it before I was even diagnosed.', 'Depression and anxiety.', '> they feel better in the moment.Pretty much sums up my selfish desire to be in a Drug abuse.Last time I was in a Drug abuse, I wasnt able to sleep, I got into fights and arguments (almost broke my arm in a fight), suffered academically because I rushed through all my work, etc, etc, etc.But I was also more sociable, confident, more likeable (as in, less boring), unpredictable. I had this energy in me that others could feel.In a low, Im not getting into as much arguments, Im lazy, Im tired, I have lost all this energy that everybody (including me) loved. I have become boring and lifeless.I guess it is the selfish thing to want to feel better in the form of a Drug abuse, but I just dont want this low anymore.', 'Yeah Paranoia is the worst.A girl didnt text me back, so I assumed she hated me and was trying to cut me off from her life. What made it worse that I ~~was~~ am pretty close with her.Turns out she just went out and Forgetfulness her phone.', 'Well good luck to you :)And ty for the advice', 'lol no.Probably never will either.', 'A few friends went out without me. They did not even invite me. Just found out Hyperactive behavior 30 mins ago, kinda hurts even though I know they did not Irritable Mood to Chest Pain me.', 'I barely sleep. At all.', 'Im actually not that sure, live in a boring suburban town.', 'Id rather be Manic forever than go through another week of this fucking low.', 'thank youI needed this.', 'It makes me uncomfortable, which ultimately makes them uncomfortable. Theres no cheering up you can do for me, I have already lost the genetic lottery and will be repulsive for life.', 'Yeah I recently started talking to a doc.This is directly related to this low btw.', '> dont go on a massive textingWait, why?I just realized I text more than usual when Im hypo.', 'Im in the same situation. The only thing that adds variety in my life is listening to new music. Hope you find something, OP.', 'I have never tried medication, but I have been recommended. Maybe thatll do it. Considering my luck though, it will just lead to even harsher suicidal thoughts.', 'Nope, not me. I hate every second of it.', 'Coincidentally, Im also the friend that nobody wants around.', 'I cant get better.Ive tried, and I failed.Death is the only thing reserved for me.', 'Ive tried that. Ive tried Phobia, Social workers at school, Ive tried pediatricians, Ive tried psychiatrists. It all always just leads to disappointment.', 'Sums up me going into uni.And it can only get worse.', 'See previous comment ', 'Im currently with a therapist.', 'No.Everything is just normal.', 'This is exactly how I feel right now.I have just accepted that I will never be happy for more than a week.', ' This is why I dont talk to ~~my mother~~ anyone about my meds, my feelings, etc.', 'What if the person knows I have bipolar?', 'I got out of bed, showered, got dressed in some of my finer casual wear, tried to exercise (my legs Chest Pain a lot so I gave up), and I made myself some coffee. Though nothing has happened, today is better than other days.', 'Any advice on getting her to stop cutting? She said shes "addicted" to it and it really sucks.']

Behavior

user-488

['Ive had Mental Depression and severe Anxiety Mental Depression disorder for seven years, but Ive managed by with anti-depressants and therapy. The past two years I havent been able to afford therapy but still regularly take my medication. I battle with suicidal thoughts every day, whether its a good day or a bad. Some days theyre stronger than others, and the past few months those urges have been exacerbated by whats been going on. If that makes sense.', 'Ive battled with this urge for the past seven years. Ive done okay, seeing that Im still here. But the past four months have been absolute hell. Job is shit, I barely make any money to get by. My mother, my only living parent, almost died in a head on collision a few weeks ago and I was shaken by the idea of being alone. At the same time my mom was Nausea I found out my cat is dying and I have no money to help him. I was hospitalized for Pneumonia, Interstitial but I have no health insurance, so I owe $2,000 and bill collectors wont stop calling me. And Im dating/living with a man who makes all of my Mental Depression worse. He tells me Im Abnormal behavior and often chastises me for not being "logical." Tonight was one of those nights and I just saw the gun and... yeah. ', 'Im sorry you suffer from this as well. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.Two years. And yes, its because I vent to him. I treat him Hyperactive behavior a therapist when I shouldnt, but I guess I thought hed understand. Maybe I put too much on him, but when he calls me Abnormal behavior I feel Hyperactive behavior I am a lost cause. ']

Ideation

user-486

['Sorry. I feel guilty for this post and was dreading anyone replying. I hate everyhting I do as Im doing it and maybe more after Ive done it. I am in a solipsistic bubble; I used to give people somehting to work with but now there is no point. I am not trying to get sympathy anymore Hyperactive behavior I often was from ten to 25; there is really no motive behind anything I say and all I can say is stuff about my broken brain and the trauma at ten. If I believed in a pleasant or even tolerable afterlife I would kill myself. Maybe there was once a time I attempted or mentioned Suicide to manipulate people for things Hyperactive behavior money to go drinking or buy drugs, or for someone to mother me, Hyperactive behavior my only real girlfriend did, but now I say it as I really have nothing to live for and havent since 2007, and nothing has happened since then except two bouts of happy Acute psychosis in 2008 and 2009 but now I cant even go floridly psychotic again as there is nothing Ventricular Dysfunction, Left of me. I manage to bring down or offend even a Suicide Watch subreddit, which is just another reason I shouldnt go on. Anyway, sorry for sounding Hyperactive behavior a prick but I have been one since twenty-five, six years ago; 10-25 I was a mixed bag with certain things going for me and it was heaven compared with my "life" for the last six years, and having zero thoughts, memory, self or reality is painful and pointless. I quote the same few figures in my head; mostly Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers, and Ted Bundy, the serial killer. I am not a killer and am nothing Hyperactive behavior Edwards anymore, but I get comments Hyperactive behavior, "Bundy went to his grave with his biggest fear come true: he died while being totally ignored," which applies to me, maybe, although being listened to wouldnt be any better and life and death are probably my twin biggest fears, so I am fucked. Sorry again, I shouldnt really try to lure people into my hell, but I have tried talking to professionals, former friends and family members, and I am out of ideas, to say the least. I dont want to go into what happened to my genitals, as no one really believes it, but it Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me inadequate and frigid, fucked up my head and devlopment, eventually killed me, and now, even forgetting the size, it has been horrible painful, constantly for six years. I am often mistaken for a ray of sunshine...', 'Hopefully this doesnt sound uncaring or off topic but my psyhcotic episodes in 2007 and 2009 were the last time I was happy, they were better than this changeless, painful Hell. I cant explain how these "negative symptoms" or "Cotards" are a million times worse than positive symptoms as I at least felt happy and special then and had a reality of some kind. Now I inhabit a dead universe, if that, and cant even describe my problems. I have been in hospital for four years now because I committed a serious crime and was declared psychotic. I cant even want to get out, even though I feel Hyperactive behavior escaping all the time as all animals would want to leave an environment they found persecutory and unsafe, even knowing anywhere else would be just as bad. I dont know, I contradict myself all day and night in conversations in my head and dont say anything meaningful to anyone as I have Aphasia and no thoughts or desire. My illness started out sexual in nature becasue of something that happened to my genitals and screwed up my libido. Now my penis is dead, disowned and painful, so therefore thats how I "experience" the universe. Sorry for hijacking this thread to complain about myself. A psychologist said I am the most self-obsessed person shes ever met, but its not that anymore as I have no self at all and can only complain about my problems as thats all I am aware of, but its more complex than that. Anyway, hope things work out well for you at this difficult time. ', 'I started smoking regularly at about 16/17 when I was already mildly psychotic, years before i was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Now I am an inpatient and 16/18 patients on my ward smoke. I think I am developing a lung problem as I have smoked about twenty years of cigs since dying existentially six years ago. My lungs feel "cold" and "paralyzed" and I struggle to breathe. If I was sane and alive and still had free will I would quit for health reasons, but all I have is my cigaretre breaks on the ward but, really, they dont help anymore so its not even self-medicating Hyperactive behavior it was till 2007. ']

Behavior

user-303

['I think there is a lot in this book that would benefit you: http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org/documents/Forever_Decision.pdf', 'Thank you very much for your kind words. I appreciate your concern. To address some points raised so far, I will provide a detailed description of my situation.Generally my life is fine. I have a permanent admin job with a local hospital, which I enjoy. I work 30 hours a week and, while it is less money than I would Hyperactive behavior, it is enough to live on. I currently live with my parents, but am looking for a house to share with a close friend. I graduated from university two years ago with a 1st. I have a small but very close circle of friends, a very large number of lesser friends and acquaintances whom I see often and get on well with.I simply cant bear the thought that its over forever with my ex. Ive been in love with her since I was 10 years old, and am 24 now. We went out for a year and a half. It would have been 2 years on December 5th. I have felt a very keen sense of Sad mood for as long as I can remember, far back into my early childhood. At work, at uni, with strangers, with friends, with my family, I have always felt this Sad mood. I have only not experienced it when with my ex.I have never been comfortable with myself. I feel physically strange, that the world is too small for me, in a very literal sense. Yet also, that my body itself is also too small. My ribs and back feel twisted and sore, Hyperactive behavior they are locking me inside myself. I want to rip my ribcage open down the middle and release what is inside. At the same time, I am afraid of what is inside. I feel black inside. Not hollow, but filled with some kind of black, viscous fluid. I feel Hyperactive behavior it is alive, or sentient at least...some kind of massive, rotten tumour that has a will of its own. Still, the pressure that it exerts from within is very strong, so want to open myself up to get rid of it, even though I know it would be terrible for the rest of the world.But neither do I feel Hyperactive behavior most of my body is really even part of me, and more that it is Hyperactive behavior...I guess a wire construction, with my brain forcing everything along. My body is Hyperactive behavior a cage, or a prison, and my brain is the jailer.I feel Hyperactive behavior I have squandered the opportunities I was presented with. That I have made a succession of poor decisions, and that I could have done a lot better. I have done nothing with my degree (Drama and Scriptwriting). The last thing I wrote was a 50 min radio play, I completed the first draft I guess...four months ago? A month before my ex Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me. I got some feedback from a couple of lecturers at my old uni, and a woman I work with doing a weekly Writing for Performance class for local teenagers. I havent redrafted the script, or sent it in to the BBC. I have started a few scripts since then, but either not got past the first page or even the initial planning.After uni I spent 9 months living in London (and got together with my ex while there). I spent most of it unemployed, only managing to do some temporary admin for local hospitals. My parents foot the bill, so I now owe them \xc2\xa33,000.My ex Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me during the final stages of her own degree (Fine Art, with a focus on Performance Art). As Id had to move back in my parents, we lived in different cities and only saw each other at weekends. During the last month of our relationship it was even less, as she was very busy with her course.During this period I also decided to change my name. Since a Suicide attempt in my 2nd year at uni, I have felt very guilty and stupid about trying to kill myself. I felt that changing my name would enable me to draw a line under those experiences and move on. I did this without consultation from anyone - I wanted the decision to be as unfiltered as possible, as I felt it was an entirely personal decision. My parents and ex reacted very badly to the news, they felt betrayed that I hadnt asked them about it before. Two weeks later, my ex Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me.I have therefore wasted my education, my income, and the only proper relationship I have ever had. I feel that I have let down the people I hold dear.I know that my ex will never get back with me. Neither of us is actual sure why she got together with me in the first place - I had asked her out on previous occasions and been rejected. Our relationship has been damaged too badly to ever recover. Since she Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me, I have begun drinking every day. Usually 5 units a day, which I know isnt much, but am also told that to drink every day is not healthy. I have had perhaps three or four days in the past three months when I havent had a drink.Im too Exhaustion to keep existing this way. Neither do I feel capable of getting help. I cannot talk to my friends or family about this. I cant even really talk to my ex about this. We have exchanged some texts briefly over the past few days, but I felt incapable of putting into words how I really felt.I am therefore taking steps to commit Suicide.', 'Thank you for your thoughts. I certainly do enjoy writing, or at least used to. I find it very difficult to do so anymore...I dont feel that my writing has any value, and cant realistically imagine breaking into the business.I know the sensible thing to do is to get help. I know I need to ring a hotline, or ask my GP for a referral to the shrink. My Mum is actually a psychiatric nurse, ironically. But I cant bring myself to do it. I keep wanting to answer people honestly when they say, "How are you?", but I just cant bring myself to do it. I always lie and reply, "Im fine."I have ordered the materials required for my Suicide this evening. I also have a backup supplier in case my primary source sees through my lies and refuses sale.']

Behavior

user-350

['Im really glad you shared this. Suicide isnt a one-person story. A person may end their own personal narrative when they die, but that doesnt Irritable Mood that person doesnt continue to have an effect on the lives of others. I didnt read your post as an attempt to convince anyone of anything. Youre just sharing your own personal experience with Suicide and how its impacted your life. It was honest. I dont think you can ask for much more. I dont know if there are any subs for people who have lost loved ones to Suicide, but there really ought to be. I know there are support groups in the real world. You probably already know this, at least logically, but whatever your ex chose to do wasnt your fault. Say it again, "IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT." Suicide is such an intensely personal decision. Its arguably one of the most personal decisions a person can make. It wasnt your fault. Thanks again for sharing your story. ', 'Try to be mindful that a lot of people, and probably most people, dont understand what its Hyperactive behavior to feel suicidal. They just dont get it. When you tell them that youre feeling suicidal, they immediately think of you dying and then they think about how much your death would would Chest Pain them. Thats where that statement to "think of others" or "live for others" comes from. Its inartful, and its essentially selfish, but its basically meant to convey the idea that people care about you and care about whether you live or die. If you died, whatever the method, people would feel Chest Pain. Thats just a fact. That being said, I doubt that its ever enough to keep anyone on this planet. Youre not wrong for feeling frustrated with this notion. But it also sounds Hyperactive behavior you might benefit from talking to people who actually understand the weight and depth of the hopelessness youre feeling. ', 'It may be hard right now to see this for what it truly is: A BLESSING. Anyone who could treat you this poorly does not deserve you at all. Im sure you spent a lot of time and energy trying to keep this relationship together as you struggled with your Mental Depression. He was never worth your time, and now you know it. You dont have to waste any more time on this person who was never worth it in the first place. Now that you know who he truly is, you dont have to waste any more effort investing in a lie. He is a coward and lacks even the most basic shreds of integrity. You have the chance to focus on you, and invest in someone who is worth your energy: YOU. ', 'I cant tell you whether your life is worth living, or whether Suicide is objectively "selfish." I dont purport to have any answers to larger esoteric questions Hyperactive behavior those. But I do know that if you commit Suicide, it will be devastating for your family and friends on a scale that you cant even begin to imagine. Again, Im not saying Suicide is right or wrong, and maybe your loved ones are selfish for wanting you to live. But, none of that changes the fact that your loved ones will NEVER forget, ever, and they will NEVER get over it, ever. They will live with the Ache of your Suicide until they themselves are finally dead. Its not my quote, but I read a book that made a great analogy. If you want to commit Suicide, then go ahead and gather all the people you know and love around you, as close as you possibly can, and then set off a grenade. Youll die and everyone else will survive. But the residual damage youll leave will be horrifying. If you ever wanted to do something worthwhile, spare your loved ones from that fate. They may never know what you did for them, but you will, and thats something to feel pretty damn good about. Life is short. And I promise you that you WILL die. Just be patient. You dont need to accelerate one of the few things that is guaranteed in life. At least wait until your mom passes. You only want her to die because somewhere inside you realize that if you killed yourself, it would absolutely demolish her as a human being, and you dont want to be responsible for that. Trust your gut. That feeling is spot on. ', 'I think this is a fairly common feeling for people whove been Depressed mood for any period of time. ', 'Im so glad that you are so open to this notion. Sometimes it can take a while for a person to understand that uncovering cheating is a genuine blessing. Obviously, it would be better if there were no cheating in the world, but if your partner is cheating on you, then consider yourself lucky if you get to find out because you get the chance to see your partner for who they really are and you dont have to continue investing your time and emotions in a complete lie. Just know that you are not alone in your experience. There are so many good people who have been through something similar and they survived it and absolutely empathize with you. We all live and hopefully we all get to learn. It can be a great learning experience to see where we made mistakes and then figure out how were going to do it differently and treat ourselves better the next time around. Anytime youre in a relationship where your partner is cheating on you, there is an element of abuse- abuse of trust, abuse of power, abuse of information, abuse of emotions, etc. I dont doubt for a second that this relationship was absolutely draining for you, and the last thing you need when youre dealing with Mental Depression is a lying, cheating, abusive partner. Dont give this guy another ounce of your energy. Now you can see him for who he truly is, which is someone who isnt worth your time. You are the best thing that ever happened to you, and now you can focus all your energy on getting better and being better. Im cheering you on from across the internet!', 'I wouldnt doubt that a lot of Depressed mood people use reddit for that purpose (escape). ', 'Its incredibly frustrating to hear these types of things. Try to remember that people usually Irritable Mood well when they say these things, but they most likely dont understand what youre going through or the type of disease that youre dealing with. It doesnt Irritable Mood that they dont care about you. It usually means that they dont understand how to best care for you. It comes from a good place, but it doesnt necessarily do a damn thing for you, except maybe irritate you, which is a very normal reaction. ']

Supportive

user-269

['[Me waiting for responses on a SW post after a half hour.](http://i.imgur.com/anL1W.png)', 'Wow. You have had some awful things happen. I think its good you came here though. To put it in perspective, after reading your post, I looked at your karma points: 0 karma. So telling. Your post is long, so please forgive mine for being long. This isnt a hotline, and I know that there isnt much we can say here, but some of us can give our opinions and Muscle Weakness advice. Here is mine:There isnt much I can tell you. Nothing I can say can make your situation easier. And if I were to come on here just to try to make you feel better, it probably would be disingenuous. What I can say is that I guarantee you arent alone in your type of situation. We live in a society that glorifies sex and being a virgin or being unable to have sex is truly heartbreaking when you are absolutely surrounded with graphic images of sex and commercial messages that say that sex is money. Its absolutely nightmarish, what has become of it. Seems Hyperactive behavior everything is about sex and money. Everything is about pleasure, evolution, or the justification of one or the other. A tree can bud and the flowers bloom, but the flowers dont intrinsically reproduce. Just because you arent reproducing doesnt Irritable Mood you arent a flower. I know that sounds totally gay (in the definition of merry, cheerful, etc - disclaimer), but its not. Its religious and spiritual. Look at nature. The Genital Diseases, Male beta fish puffs up beautiful, and most of them die. The peacock has feathers as beautiful as the plant has flowers. If you look at nature, youll see that a lot of the males in the animal kingdom actually dont reproduce. But if you look at the species as a whole, youll see that the sections with the most beautiful flowers produce the most fruit. You might not be reproducing now. You might not ever reproduce. I havent, and I might not ever. But if we were peacocks, you and I would still be puffing our feathers. And we might still reproduce someday. But we are not animals. We have endowed to us wisdom, strong free will, and understanding. Characteristics that are without a doubt not endowed by nature to other animals. Youre a human with an amazing story, and it touches me. Some men are not virgins simply for the reason that they didnt want to be virgins anymore. But no matter what advice Id give, I think that its one of the hardest, and darkest, aspects of modern human life and society to come to terms with. But look to history and humanity. Sex is not the answer. If our society could gird our loins for just a bit, we could help our brethren. In an evolutionary standpoint, its about society. Evolution has helped us, as humans, become better evolutionary beings. You blog a lot. You seem awfully sad. But I read what you wrote here, and read a bit from your blog. You seem to be trying to make an awful forceful effort to influence society. My friend, you have! You say your friends are mia, but Ive read what you wrote here. I wish I can have more perspectives*edit: from above, we are animals - that sentence was worded wrong, probably. but we have traits that make us wildly different from other animals on earth. ']

Supportive

user-201

['yeah soon as I get my new PC Ill give you my B tag', 'What doesnt help is I was talking to another girl who is either Tired nice to extremely angry and will go without responding for days. Its really toxic to my life but I dont want to be alone. Ive already brought my exfiance up to friends and family I am sure they are Illness of hearing it. I just want to be alone for xmss', 'Positivity has never been a strong suit. My two hobbies are oolar opposites which is gaming and lifting weights.', 'Ive contacted a friend but most as they dont really get much out of her and last time I said something to her mom I was told I shouldnt go behind her back to her mother', 'Thank you if I stick around ill keep you guys updated it helps to know Im not alone but it doesnt stop the thoughts sadly', 'Ha I do that I normally do sets of 50 in between battlegrounds or matches but I dont really have it in me atm', 'No real passions I burn out on things I like quickly and I have no idea how to answer the rest without negativity lets just say I wish I was born when gladiators were around. Atleast I could die with dignity', 'Thank you. I workout everyday but its the loneliness of the night that rapes my mental state. What makes it worse was I started having Asthenia long panic attacks the month before I got meds but after she left the only way I can describe it is I am just Tired. ..really really Tired of thinking ', 'Trust me ive tried and I appreciate it ive only gad one serious sucide scare after a bottle of crown made my anti depressant meds mess up. Funny enough the breakdown happened while on the toilet so I was a sobbing mess. Drunk calling people while pooping. As for being happy with myself odds are wont happen. Ive hated me since I was six. Even got in really good shape recently doesnt help', 'I spilled jack daniels on my harddrive though :(', 'Sure I play a bit of everything wow. Lol. Smite ill have a new one in a Asthenia or so', 'Bleeding hollow. Horde', 'Me either im in a really good guild as well', 'I told them I have no idea if anything was done. She wont take birthcontrol which the doctor suggested and anti depressant she refuses. And no therapy either.']

Ideation

user-161

['See you dont understand, when I said I stopped studying at 12 I mean I never went back into education, AT ALL.', 'Its a she, she doesnt seem to get that Im reaching out for help. She has been through it so by all counts she should understand better than most but.. no.', 'there is no point :) Ive tried, to no avail.', 'I will look into those.I meant physics as in the science, not the game engine component. Although Im a total game engine nerd, and would love to code graphics and am always fascinated by the stuff people keep coming up with. But I dont know if I can delve that much into the math of it. Seems pretty insane.', 'Doesnt seem like that is the case any more, I no longer know how to talk to people.', 'Well if we are talking besides illegal substances, I remember haging out with 3 other people at someones house just playing halo online, sounds simple but.. I was happy.', 'Everyone deserves to be happy. Its hard to see it, but Im sure you are not a bad person, Depression clouds your judgment and your vision. Ive been in a similar situation just recently, you live for that person and then you are called clingy.. because that person is the only thing that makes you happy so you plan your day around them, and that aparently is a bad thing! Trust me if hes playing you around like that hes not worth it.You have to try and find things you enjoy doing, take your mind off of these thoughts, keep yourself occupied!If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.', 'Ive tried the whole talk to someone youve never met thing, ended up badly most of the time, Id much rather not try after that. I know with that attitude Im only damaging my chances of anything good happening but I just dont have the energy required to try any more.', 'Several things that happened in my childhood that Id rather not discuss and the death of my grandma, she was basically my mum for the first 12 years of my life. I dont see myself getting out of this Depression any time soon, its been the only constant in my life for this long, it is me.', 'Tired of being alone.', 'The Depression that Ive had for 11 years. Its only getting worse.', 'You got it right with the first paragraph! I cant focus on getting better in general if I cant even manage to want to be alive for the whole day. Ive been doing exactly that, doing too much on the days Im motivated and then not being able to keep up afterwards, leaving me even more Depression and like Ive let myself down.I will attempt to do that.. thank you.I dont have a blog. I will look into this sparkpeople thing.. but the thing with having a blog and putting myself out there is Im Tired emotionally sensitive right now and the lack of responses that I will undoubtedly get will discourage me and make me quite. In fact this is why I dont think I will be posting on here any more. Its hard to find people that truly care, and its even harder to find people that care about complete strangers.', 'I get what you are saying, and I get how it makes sense, but rejection is a pretty recurring theme in my life, Its hard to see it as anything but a big sign saying "fuck you" any more.', 'If I was religious I would think this is punishment for something... Every day Im alive feels like torture. I didnt do anything to deserve this :(', 'Must speak to my doctor about this next time then, thank you.', 'Im sorry to hear that.Its really gone beyond BEING with her, its more to the point that I have to put a brave face on and help her while Im falling apart on the inside. Before I just used to blame the Depression for all my problems but now I am Tired much aware that I in fact cause most of them! I can see myself making the bad decisions, feeling sorry for myself, not doing things to improve my situation, but I cant stop myself!Its almost like watching someone else ruin my life, except its me and Ive been doing it for 11 of my 23 years here, I was just completely oblivious before, but now.. Im painfully aware.', 'Ive tried exercise, I was running regularly and It wasnt really helping. Now I just feel like not leaving my room so thats sort of out of the question.', 'Its not about finding the right path, its about finding a path I can actually follow. I know what I have to do (Roughly) but... for lack of a better term, I just dont *want* to do it. Its almost like I want to stay this way.. Its all Ive known for the past 11 years and seeing as I clearly dont have what it takes to end it Im afraid its all I will ever know.', 'I feel exactly the same as you man, feel like I wasted most of my life because of this Asthenia disease. In my case I dont think about the actual death part, just the release, sometimes you just have so much stuff going on and you feel so hopeless it just seems like the only option, when its in fact not.', 'Erm for fun.. I dont know, watch tv shows/movies, listen to music, play games mostly. I listen to a lot of stuff, metal, progressive, indie, dubstep, glitch hop.Treat others as youd like to be treated, doesnt really work as a philosophy in this society apparently.I have considered it, dont know if I can just talk to a stranger about my problems face to face to be honest.', 'What I find works for me when it comes to mood crippling come downs (Based on coke and mdma only) Is eat comfort food, pizza, stuff like that, go to your local health supplements store and get 5-HTP, a natural serotonin supplement, if the come down is your only problem about 150mg will give you a helping hand. And sleep!', 'Andre, nice to meet you. And yours?', 'Nope, obviously just blind. See Id love to just go out there and meet people, but shyness and social awkwardness/Anxiety are a bitch. Not as easy for me as other people. Very hard in fact. Thats my main problem in fact.', 'I have not had the option to see one so far. I would much rather not go back to my doctor, and I believe Id need a referral from him to be able to see a therapist so Im not sure that is going to happen.', 'Parents live in another country. I guess Ill just have to go back to my GP and ask him..', 'Happy birthday! May you keep the wildlings away for many more years to come (wallofice reminded me of game of thrones)', 'I think motivation is going to be (already is) my main problem.Man.. reading that just.. made so much sense. That is exactly what happens, I havent been labelled as weird (that I know of) but I am definitely overlooked, socially invisible. I think the fact thats happened so many times is what caused this social Anxiety that I struggle with, which in turn makes me even worse in social situations.I really appreciate what you are saying, and its all SPOT ON, however the old "Its not you its them" doesnt help me :( I am still stuck with a total of 2 friends that dont really speak to me Tired often and that is IT, thats my social circle. To move forward I really think I need more than that and I have absolutely no idea what to do.. no clue where to just "meet people". Work is a dead end, none of the people left want to be friends with me outside of work, so I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.I live in the UK by the way if that makes any difference.', 'Well its always easier said than done.I will attemp this, thank you for the article and the new perspective, I just hope I have the motivation needed.Im not really sure how to respond to that! Doesnt happen often. Erm.. thank you.', 'I know right? and apparently Im selfish for being Depression after I made sure she was ok, I was trying to make it about me.. Brilliant.', 'I know you dont know me and I dont know you but Id be upset if you were no longer alive.', 'I understand what you are saying but I lack the motivation to even leave my room sometimes, Id love to not have a social fear, almost, but I do. I cant just approach someone I dont know, out of the blue, much less talk to them.. Believe me Id love nothing more than to be able to do that but, alas, my brain doesnt allow it.I just dont know what to do. I walk to work every day so I do get out of the house most days and the fresh air hasnt helped.. Im desperate to not feel like this but it doesnt seem like a choice I can make.I really want to move somewhere else and actually study (Because of the Depression I didnt even finish school back home (I moved from Portugal to England on my own when I was 17, 6 years ago).. So I do not have any qualifications) but I just dont have the help of mental stability I need.. I dont want to have a dead end job for the rest of my life. I want to study physics or programming.. But I dont think I ever will :(', 'Please dont.', 'Just seems unrealistic to think of that right now, if most social interactions feel like uphill battles, even if its a conversation with a coworker. I dont even want to think about putting myself out there in that way, Ive had alot of rejection over the years and I dont deal well with it...', 'Appreciate the advice, I already have a job but Ive made all the friends I could there.Yeah I suppose new skills are a good idea, been improving my singing lately and looking to take up some sort of martial art, should keep me busy. Not quite ready to jump straight into talking to random people yet but I hope I get there at some point soon!', 'If I had the courage necessary maybe I wouldnt have to live through it.', 'That was a really interesting read. It really is counter-intuitive to remain in a state where the outcome might be (and in some cases is) death. The brain really is fascinating.That actually made me feel a bit better. There *is* something wrong with me but its not the Depression, the Depression is the vessel I should use to find the solution! Makes sense in a way.Unfortunately Im not Tired good at expressing myself through writing. I also dont want an audience of 12 thousand to know my most personal and intimate problems.Im sure neither me nor my problems are as interesting or worth listening to as you believe them to be.', 'This one Falls under the dickheads category. I work in Pc World (Equivalent of best buy if you live in the states) so a whole lot of sales, and sales attracts crappy people. I feel Tired much alone in that job, as I do in general in life, so no possibility of making new friends through there.', 'Im in the same boat man, if you still feel like talking PM me.', 'One of them isnt really that type of friend, hes more of a lets do things together friend. The other one every time I mention it and talk about it for more than 10 minutes Im told to stop "whining".', 'I have not no, I was referred for therapy a few months ago but at the time I couldnt even leave the house so I was not able to go. Might try it if its that helpful!', 'I dont know.. Ideally Id love to get into programming, and the gaming industry. But I also have a Burning sensation desire to understand and explore physics, that would be much harder to do. But since I stopped studying at 12 because of circumstances completely outsides my control and Im now 23 I dont think any of that is going to happen.', 'Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I am currently on Efexor-XR xr, 225mg, been on them for a month and a bit, havent really done a whole lot besides giving me terrible headaches. Ive suffered from Depression for 11 years so I just think.. I gave it a good go and things are still pretty terrible. Its just been way too long.']

Ideation

user-43

['seems fun for someone who would be into it but Ive never cared for traveling Id much rather be home in my own bed :)', 'dont know theres a girl someone who has always been close to me even though we have never dated or anything she always told me I was good with words always doubted it never wrote in my free time or anything never pursued it since you enjoy I will copy and paste the other things ive written I reactivated my facebook after starting this just to talk to her and although I wont copy and paste all that I will say this I didnt hold back today with my words what is above this and will be below this is the outcome I feel like its just different chapters to my life. cant explain this so I will just post and hopefully you can explain it to me', 'it doesnt stop me from trying its not fair to put them through painbut its not fair to make me stay and prolong the painjust to get the same outcome in the end.thats why if it were possible to just disappear from existence and take all memories of me with me it would be done.', 'I am still here Im waiting a few more hours. But it is happening tonight.', 'Thank you for sharing I always love reading although I Tired rarely comment. Best of luck man make your dreams come true.', 'yeah it gives color to the world when all I can see is grey', 'I sat here for a few hours staring at the pills I was gonna take but for now Im gonna just go to sleep and talk to a doc tomorrow for the past 10 hours Ive been just reading everyones stories and struggles with Depression and suicide attempts, cant tell anyone what Im going to do for sure but if it comes to me attempting again then so be it, but for now Im gonna try something different and see how it turns out. as of 4/20 Im no longer smoking weed so idk how this is gonna turn out I read each and every comment throughout the day, thanks for everything.', 'I took my medicineI missed a daybut I didntbecause I knew I didnt take it yesterdayI thought about it many timesI should take the meds I thoughtbut i didntcant tell you whycant tell you why notevery thought I have contradicts itselfits always been that waytalk to herno dontyesnoYESNODO IT YOU CANTI CANNO YOU CANTYOURE AMAZINGYOURE WORTHLESSthis is how its always beena battleI went to the hospital a little bit agowent to a Stress relieve class or something dont remember what its calledused guided imagery but instead of going to the mountain the instructor explained I went to my battle fieldI see it clearly always haveeven right nowthe Flatulence/wind blows the grass movesno trees in sightits flatits not empty thoughswords.thats what is thereswords in the groundeverywheredifferent typesI see themmany colorsmany swordsI cant count thembecause they are endlesshow do I explain this thoughhmmthe color is not like the real worldits like the density of the color is differentdoes that make sensemaybe I should just stop trying to explain itI dont even understand it myselfbut I stand there on my battlefieldswords everywherebut I dont even touch themtheres no pointIm the only person there my enemy is there do you understand nowthey are meant for me to useto kill my enemyyou grasp it nownow that you understand then you knowthat when I look up and see my enemyI see myself.we both just stand there we know what it meansare we both just too Tired to fight?what stops us from doing itthe stage is setthe weapons around uswhy dont we use themwhy dont we end this use this battle fieldannihilatecreatewe know what happens if the swords meet eachotherthey breakand re createits sad isnt itthey arnt realbut they arnt fake eitherthey existbut dontin my mind but not realitybut how do I know that my mind isnt realitybecause Im told it isntbut what if it isits notit isyesnoit continuesthe strugglethe battlethe stagethe enemythe victorthe loserwe just sit therestillwhythroughout the years we still just sit thereit wont be like this foreverwe both know thatI use to wonder who would make the first movebut now I knowwe are the samebut nothing alikewe will both attack at the same timedie at the same timelive at the same timethis has no meaningbut it means everythingthis battle decides everythingand nothingI want to watch it all burnbut at the same time I want to save them allI dont want it to burnbut I dooutside the battlefieldinside the battlefielddo you get itEVERYWHERE IS A BATTLEFIELDthis fight will never endbut it will at some pointahh you see that partwe all grasp itsee beyond itbut stillhmmmaybe Im just bored of waitingmaybe Im ready to attackbut Im notbut I amits hard to determine how to end thisbecause it wont end.', 'would you mind going into details?', 'I know even they will understand. I mustered up every ounce of strength I had today and it was all for nothing just to fail, for the last time.', 'dk just kinda wanted to put my feelings down somewhere not sure if Im leaving a note yet or not probably wont', 'Agreed. Even when we are in a "good place" it is simply an ok day but we still wish to die, we wait for the black reaper to come and invite it in without hesitation. 300mg of Efexor-XR currently one thing I do have to say is when my senses go into overdrive it is pretty entertaining being able to hear a nat from rooms away over all the other noise around me. ', 'Yeah my family knows my mom and sister are Tired concerned I am Tired loved but I cant handle this. I cant go back to a psych ward I want to go to my doctor but fuck I cant handle all this Pain I cant understand why everything kills me inside I should be happy I go from loving life to wanting to die in seconds once it starts its so hard to stop and it doesnt last long Ive noticed I was different since 3rd grade I knew something was wrong and it just got worse and worse it went from just sleeping to constant suicide attempts I want a gun so bad it can do it so fast I wont feel this way anymore I need it', 'Honestly I prefer to be alone I just like to smoke and game nothing else I enjoy more', 'sorry this is so jumbled up after each (topic) I stopped for a bit and what came after is just how it continued messy but it seems right I could edit it again and fix it but I think its perfect Confusion within the thoughts like it truly is with me.', 'Why is it in my mind I can take something and come up with 1000 explanations but cant find one of why I am still heresuch Feeling unhappy in this lifesuch painmentalphysicalenduring itfor the same outcomesometimes I just cryIm weakIm strongthe strongestthe weakestI am hereI am notdont bother searchingthis ideationsometimes I wish they would stop comingbut I dont at the same timethe reason why every line following contradicts itselfwhat is the type of writing Ive been doing is it referred to anything in particular? maybe I should try and turn this into my reason for living to use my words to tell my story and maybe affect someone else. still wanting to diebut still fightingstill waiting on my battlefield', 'Only reason Im still here is because I dont have access to a gun if I did or could get one easily I would be gone. So I suppose Im just waiting until I can', 'still writing so Im just going to add it onto this all comments are appreciatedstranded on an islandwithin my mindso this is what its likeconfineda prisoner of my own mindmy thoughts the contradictions continuemy retributionto be forever confined in my heada prisoner of myselfpanic attacks in grocery storesthe instinct fight or flightI wish I was a fighterbut I runI wish I could flysoar in the skygracefully fly until my wings stop workinguntil the suns heat englufs me and takes meoh how I wish I could be a birdfly above everyonebe freebreak these chains that bind meinhaleexhalewhen the breath leaves my bodythe tranquility how I long for itI crave itall other desires have left meto be able to fly awayleave this all behind and soarfor eternityescape the oblivion which I beg for', 'been on prozac paxil but currently on Efexor-XR 150mg Im at a good point not Depression not stuck in the tunnel theres other options this is just the one that I deem best for me considering everything.', 'I guess I should try and ask more questions directly so here goes when did you guys find out you had Depression Anxiety (whatever else we might have) for me I remember being in 3rd grade I realized I was different from everyone else I always held back because of Fear and I prefered to be alone even at an early age didnt have many friends simply because once I left school I just wanted to be alone and its always stuck with me Depression appeared when I was 13-14 attempted suicide over a girl from then on was against suicide over a loved one but soon came to realize no one is exempt from the Pain use to think suicide was a cowards way out because of how society has brainwashed us saying its the easy way out have you attempted suicide before? even in a tunnel of despair suicide is pretty fucking difficult to get yourself to do its a war between our minds and our instincts, but my instincts have been wrong before panic attacks over talking to people???? thats suppose to happen when I see a bear in the woods and am about to get mauled thats when the adrenaline should kick in, not when I see a pretty girl and have to run and avoid her. my instincts are flawed and they are fighting my mind this is a eternal battle thats why people get Tired why they give up why its known as mental Illness because its just an endless fight as long as we live death is not a black reaper with a scythe its a woman smiling glowing bright holding out her hand comfort and peace.', 'both but prefer to smoke by myself Ive always kinda been a loner and just love it that way', 'yes like I said I reactivated my facebook she wasnt the first person I posted this to, after the Tired first post or chapter whatever you may call it I decided to send it to her since she was the person who said to me a long time ago how good I am with words. been talking to her deeply about everything she was the first person to know about what I struggled from since she suffers from somewhat the same thing and self harms or atleast use to Ive had no direction in life and feel as maybe this is what I was groomed for Ive written a suicide note but it never quite fit but this maybe if I can go to the store and get a journal I can fill it with everything I feel and maybe then whatever has been keeping me here will be left on those pages so I can finally do it and not do what Ive always done and just drop people without giving them a reason friends family I just dissapear and dont give a reason Ive always been alone on this battle field and no one can help because the enemy I face is myself. Going to the store to buy a journal will be back soon.', 'mind giving more details?', 'I can relate to this had a friend kill himself a few years ago was actually pretty good friends with him at one point but Ive always been the person to just kinda disappear and be to myself where Im at now and thinking about killing myself sometimes its like he lived walking distance from me and if I do it its gonna be like Im copying him or something idk its just another part of the eternal battle.', 'I try to ignore it when the thought starts that I know is going to cause Pain lately Ive just started screaming to stop when it starts but it doesnt stop I just want to not exist anymore. everyone is telling me to pretty much walk this off you have to motivate myself, no one has a fucking clue how hard Ive tried gym anything finding any reason to live but I just lose interest and do like Ive done with everything else in my life and give up. Id be dead already if I didnt have to try I cant even pull a trigger and have it end in a split second be done with all this fucked up shit. Im not going to live like this it either stops or I stop it', 'probably addiction now, use to smoke because it would get me out of the tunnel open my mind up make music effect me more. it stopped doing that for a while so when it came back recently its probably the only reason I havent tried again even after attempting quite a few times lately. Im thinking just being able to stay stoned for a while and experiencing that feeling I love so much nonstop for my final days would be nice ending it on a good note', 'Im currently on 150mg Effexor been on a few meds been to therapy its not helping Im still so lost Im surrounded by friends but Im so alone and Pain so bad I cant bare it anymore', 'not going to lie its pretty scary putting the gun together hearing all the sounds it makes I put it up to my mouth to get a feel for it and imagined pulling the trigger bang and its all over, thinking about 2 to 3 hours', 'Beautiful thank you', 'I just keep going for those once in a blue moon days where everything is good, some days had to abuse some pills some days had to smoke until I couldnt remember shit it is what it is hopefully you can find those days brother either way I wish the best for you.']

Attempt

user-217

['Lately it hasnt been much going on which is part of my problem because I have no meaning in my life. Not working right now, no friends. Just me and my puppy and I Fear that I am depressing her so looking to get rid of her. It just seems like I have had to fight for everything in life only for it not to work out in the end ', 'Thanks for the suggestion but I know I have Depression her because around me all she does is sleep and up until recently I would go to petsmart to get her food and stuff and her reaction to other people is extreme Excitement and I dont get that from her. She sighs a lot and looks Tired sad. I am doing her an injustice plus I have hit all time low where I have been unable to work so I dont think I can afford her. And also because of the cost cant think of any hobbies and never really had the chance to learn all the extras as a child as we were poor ']

Ideation

user-401

['Hey, maybe we can both help each other out.Im close to doing it too. My heads pretty fogged up and I cant think very clearly.You need to get out of there if youre being abused. You dont deserve that. Its about being good to yourself, and if that means doing things your way then so be it. Killing yourself wont be good to yourself, you wont know what it feels Hyperactive behavior afterwards.If you are going to go that far, take it another direction so you wont get into a dead end. Im sorry youre going through this.', 'I was going to do something pretty bad too, but I wont say.A lot of these things are phases, I found that out today when I wrote down my thoughts, did something else for an hour, came back and was shocked. Its Hyperactive behavior that feeling people get as theyre halfway from jumping off something high, when everything seems to make sense and your goals seem so tangible.I saw my dad walking my dog. He just got neutered recently. He is really cute. Its these little things that keep me going.You should take a walk, I will in a bit too.', 'Thank you for responding!Do you believe you have a lot of power over your emotions? Do you agree with these Depressed mood thoughts (emotions/state) or do you think it is a separate entity of sorts?', '> My current state - pretty horrible. Lonliness, worthlessness, pathetic, tired, hopeless. Im in college. The only people I have talked to here are two girls I know and have known for a while. They really dont care. They would say they do, but they dont text me to check up, call, or honestly even try to make plans. We talk infrequently. I have made a lot of acquaintances, hundreds in fact, due to my personality (I am both an introvert and extrovert and am quite good at making friends.) I think the reason I am so good at making friends is because I put everything I have into being there for people because I dont want them to feel the lonliness I have felt all of my life.I can relate to you in multiple ways. Im seventeen, a musician, have a fair share of acquaintances, and you are the way you are for other people.I think this can explain why a lot of people who are Depressed mood/anxious are Ophthalmia, Sympathetic towards others due to their understanding of how one can feel when they are lonely. Can I ask about your intentions with your Phobia, Social status and presence in your college? I think this can help with why you feel these things, since they might be an effect of unmet expectations.> I do feel happy occasionally. These are times when I forget everything, and there are only a few times when I do: watching a humorous television show Hyperactive behavior The Office or the Big Bang Theory (any show really, just listening to a story different than mine is what makes me feel better.) Playing on stage (Ive been a musician for about ten years now, Im 18.) And when I Hypersomnia. I Hypersomnia a lot. It helps me forget. The happiness I feel is happy, its just that the number of times in my day when I am genuinely happy is much smaller than the average person. Clinically Depressed mood people do get happy, just not often.I think youd be surprised as to how similar we are, and that not everyone is as happy as they seem.One friend I had in middle school, well call him Brian, was a great buddy of mine who was fun to hang out with and always willing to stop by. One day Im hanging out at his house and were playing halo together; He suddenly says, "Hey man, I appreciate it that you came over.""For sure man, its always fun hanging out here!""Youre not going to leave are you?""Uh, not yet its only 4 o clo-""No - thats not what I mean."He started to tweak out for a couple of seconds and I was a little scared, but then he said,"Are you going to stay my friend?""Yeah man! Why wouldnt I?"He didnt say anything, and not long after I went home after his mom swooped in, took me away, and took me home.Later I found out that he was taking very serious Anxiety Mental Depression medicine as he suffers from very extreme Panic Attacks attacks as a result. He was teased a lot in elementary school for it and he stayed home weeks after weeks due to a "stomach flu."One of the most jovial, funniest, confident guys I know. Everybody has their tweaks, flaws, personal dilemnas. When I see how people arent so different, I feel better myself.> Im not quite sure what the second paragraph is saying. Are you asking me whether or not I think my diagnoses was false? Or are you saying if I think its a sort of placebo where they told me I am and I am not figuring our why? The way it works is you talk about your life and how you feel, and they tell you medically whther or not they think you have a mood disorder, then sometimes they do some biological tests.Not exactly as strong as you put it, Im asking if it influenced or tipped your ideas as to what might be going on, if you were looking for that. Ive talked with psychiatrists and theyve prescribed Wellbutrin for Anxiety Mental Depression and focus; its proven somewhat effective, thinking back how I behaved and thought before.Im only asking this question through the perspective of somebody who doesnt know what clinical Mental Depression is exactly; Im taking the side of whoever is giving the information to me on this thread, not the skeptical side.Thank you for responding by the way!', 'Thank you for acknowledging and sharing. Heres a hug too :)', 'Youve had a lot of relationships bud, maybe you should spend some more time with yourself. Take a walk outside and see how you can manage inside your own head.Starting over sounds good. Hell, it sounds good for me too.Just go outside and sit in an obscure cafe and stare at a table or drink something. You dont need to think about anything in particular, just dont try to solve any problems in your head.Walk somewhere else and pay attention to whats around you. I do this sometimes and it feels nice to see the leaves and the people and the animals and the buildings. I sometimes forget theyre there when Im thinking about other stuff.Spend some time with yourself before you look to other people for help, if you are able to handle you and your mind in the same room, I think you can be able to manage; mainly because a lot of people have the opposite problem, which is that they have a hard time getting to know and getting along with people. I think Im kind of in between but everybody struggles with something.Hang in there bud, and take a breather by yourself out in the fresh air.']

Behavior

user-190

['Thanks for that. Im in a similar situation to OP and have been really struggling with Suicidal thoughts. You have a gift for spreading hope through words, Im glad to have read this.', 'The person I talked to about it was my ex girlfriend. Long story but after I broke up with her in January, we were on and off for a little while, and I saw her the night before I left for a trip a couple weeks ago. My ex had changed her number, but knew what I was going through, and told me she would give me her new number when I got back if I agreed to get help. I had a lot of hope that things would work out between us, and I felt like breaking up with her was one of the biggest mistakes Id ever made. However when I was away, I emailed her, and could right away tell that something was wrong with her response. After I couple emails back and forth, her mostly just saying enjoy your vacation well talk when you get back, I confronted her and said I couldnt when something was so clearly up, and Id rather hear it then keep guessing what it could be. She told me she couldnt be anything but friends with me, and that seeing me before I went was a lapse in judgement that shouldnt have happened. I pretty much lost my shit, it was like my whole world collapsed in on itself. After a couple of emails back and forth, where I was in a really bad place, she promised me shed still see me to help me go see someone, and then after I kept trying to get her to talk to me, she said "Goodbye KindOfPly" and just stopped replying. She hasnt talked to me since, Ive emailed her a ridiculous number of times, when I got back this Asthenia I really wanted to just see her so I could hear it from her that it was over. I finally ended up calling her house and being told by her Mum that she didnt want to see or speak to me, and that I should be a man and stop contacting her. Pretty humiliating. I understand that seeing me makes it harder for her to move on and get on with her life, but at the same time Im completely heart broken, and I feel like shit knowing that my presence can fuck someones life up that much. I guess I cant really point to any one problem and say, "there, thats the one that makes me want to end my life," but the situation with her is certainly one of them. She was the only person who I ever really felt like cared if I was alive or not, the only person I ever felt comfortable talking to, in a lot of ways she understood me better than I do, and now shes gone because I fucked up. Shes gotten over our relationship, and shes doing so much better now than she ever was with me. One of the things that stopped me from doing it yesterday was knowing shed probably feel guilty about ignoring me, but now I couldnt really care less.', 'If your husband has a hard time opening up, I imagine it was hard for him to admit to how he felt. Most men internalize these thoughts, hes probably been beating himself up for a long time over feeling that way. In going forward with your relationship you may have to tell him that while you are Pain, you appreciate him telling you. That will make it easier for him to communicate with you and for both of you to reach an understanding and conclusion. Good luck and stay strong, for yourself, your husband and your son. Remember that you are loved and needed by many people. ', 'Are you on medication for your Depression or seeing anyone? Also, if youre at immediate risk please consider checking yourself in to a psych ward. ', '17 m here. I totally hear you and understand what youre going through. I know how hard it is not being able to talk to your parents about this stuff. What you have to understand is that Depression is an Illness and cutting is just a coping method. I know what its like to need to feel that pain. Please check out the r/stopselfharm subreddit. I care about you and I want you to know that your parents love you, even though they dont understand. Killing yourself would not solve as much suffering in your life as it would inflict upon those who love you. Please find a way to get help, go see your therapist or find a new one if the old one didnt help. And talk to us, tell us whats going on. Were here for you, and its so important to talk about this stuff. ', 'Her mum isnt a dick, just looking out for her daughter. Shes doing a lot better now, and seeing and talking to me would just bring her down I guess.I ended things with her because the relationship wasnt really going anywhere, were Tired different people in a lot of ways, and we were both "stuck". I had hoped ending things would help me get out of that and find the motivation to better myself, but it just sent me into a total downward spiral. The funny thing is that shes doing way better now, promotion at work, gone back to therapy and got re diagnosed, on new meds that actually help her a lot, going to the gym and eating healthy, spends more time with her friends and shes going on a road trip soon.Right now I have a mix of feelings. One the one hand, Im full of Feeling angry and hatred for what I feel like she did to me, getting my hopes up and then just shutting me out. But on the other hand I really cant blame her, I ended things and started seeing somebody else (best friend who broke up with me just before I left, then told me she loved me, then started sleeping with someone else, then started doing blow again and now wont talk to me at all) and Im just really sad that shes gone forever.If she showed up at my door right now, I have no idea what Id do. I really wish I would stand up for myself and tell her how I feel about what she did and how soul crushing it was. But I would most likely wouldnt be able to say anything at all. If she was there to apologize, it would probably turn into another long talk, where I would ask her why she did what she did. If she was there to get angry at me for repeatedly trying to contact her and calling her house, Id tell her that she could have stopped me from doing so if she had the courage to see me when I got back and told me what was up, instead of ignoring me and making me have to hear it from her Mum.Relationship with my parents isnt terrible but isnt great. Were not Tired close at all and I dont really tell them anything. I could never imagine trying to tell them that Im Depression and Suicidal. My Dad doesnt believe in any kind of mental Illness, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety disorders, etc. He just believes its all in your head and some people feel sorry for themselves. I find it impossible to talk to my mother about anything, because she either wont listen to a differing opinion, or will see everything as her fault. I know me killing myself would Pain them a lot, and they dont deserve that, but I honestly do not have it in me to confront them at all.', 'Depression is a disease like any other, it sounds like you really need help, please go and see a different doctor, or see if there is a local mental health centre nearby? Where do you live?Why did you quit taking your medication?']

Ideation

user-309

['Make Anxiety Mental Depression your bitch. Seriously though, is this a new thing? Like, possibly related to becoming engaged new? Because if thats the case, you need to put some serious thought into your relationship.Also, you might try talking to your profs. They are people too, and can be understanding. Maybe you can get an incomplete, with extra time to finish all your work. ', 'It will matter when youre dead. Suicide is selfish. Do you want to put your mother through even more pain?', 'Dont do it. If nothing else, post to r/loans, r/assistance, any number of subreddits dedicated to helping each other out. Stop smoking weed. Try to get any job you can - Im a cashier and I make 800 - 1200 a month. If youre not a Bronchitis, Chronic pot smoker you should be clean *hopefully* within a week or two. Did you consider getting a bike? 20 miles sounds bad, but its really not once you do it for a couple weeks. Just dont give up. If your roommate is really your best friend he would be way more pissed that youre considering Suicide than that you dont have rent money. I was suicidal for 7 years. I still have my moments, but overall Im very glad that I didnt succumb. The key is to get Anger. I was suicidal because I was convinced that no one liked me (I dont make friends easily) and I would be forever alone. I finally realized that everyone else can go to hell. I havent made anything of myself yet, but Im working on it. You can too. Get Anger at the world, Anger enough to want to prove it wrong. Youre 23. You have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to end it all now?', 'Is grinding of the teeth a thing with suicidal people? Ive ground my teeth down so much they need to be reconstructed. Never put the two together though.', 'I know at least one person who seems pretty consistently happy. She doesnt have much money, she has a crappy car, etc. But she is always optimistic and makes great friends, the type who go white water rafting and hiking and etc. She eats healthy, is constantly active, and doesnt really care about material possessions. I think thats one of the key problems. As long as material wealth is what makes you happy, youre always going to want more. ', 'You do not want to find a girl with mental problems. Sure, theres a chance you two could have a healthy relationship but its more likely to be a train wreck. ', 'I think that this sense of worthlessness is common among upper middle class kids, especially when we fail to live up to expectations. Probably during your moments of clarity you decide that youre going to change, youre going to go to class and stop the drugs and so on? Well you cant just change your entire life in a day. Start small. Like, do you brush your teeth every day? If you dont, do that. Just start with tiny little things and do them without fail. Once youve got that down, Attention Deficit Disorder another one. You cant acquire motivation and discipline with the snap of your fingers. If youre skipping class then no matter how much you study youll probably have problems. So just, try your best to go to class. If youre totally lost then mention it to the teacher, they are there to help you. Trust me, I know where youre at. Im in about the same place and just giving you advice that has been given to me. That feeling of being a waste of space is killer. ', 'I have to fight the urge to drive into oncoming traffic every time Im behind the wheel. Not because I want to Chest Pain someone or die, Im just.. curious? And yea, I imagine other forms of self harm, but I hate Ache and would never do it. I also dont have many friends, everyone seems to be an asshole, fake, or want to use you. I have two very close friends and a handful of other people I talk to or hangout with. I feel Anger and happiness, but not very often, and I cant express it Hyperactive behavior other people do. Like, I dont get excited. It freaks people out for some reason. And wow its weird how many other people feel exactly the same. There has got to be something wrong with society these days.. ', 'You know, if youre dead set on Suicide, then whatever. But this is a board for people who are begging for help. Probably even you. If someone really wants to go, theyre just going to do it, not post to reddit. Basically, please dont come on here and tell the people asking for help that youve decided Suicide is inevitable. Your negativity isnt helpful.', 'So you were abused or something, but youve blocked it out? Definitely sounds Hyperactive behavior cause for counseling. And if you were abused, you never really forget it. Even if you manage to suppress it, its still there. I guess something happened to me in middle school and I literally cannot remember 3 years of my life, but I still freak out if someone touches me without warning. ', 'Finals ugh. But other than that, alright.', 'Yes. And if I say anything Hyperactive behavior "hey, you guys did blah. Y u no drop me a text?" they accuse me of being insecure and needy. And so I feel worse.', 'Ive been Hyperactive behavior this for years. Im slowly working my way/being pulled out of it. I would be sure that they test for a thyroid condition, as that is a frequent cause of what youre describing. Failing that.. I dont know what to tell you. It took me many years of feeling this way, and I still battle it everyday. I finally decided that either I needed to decide to live, or just go through with killing myself. It helped that I met someone who tends to kick my ass (figuratively) if Im being negative. Find a reason to live again. Consider all the things you at one point wanted to do in your life. Then think about what it would feel Hyperactive behavior if you never got to do them. When I did this, I was stunned to realize that I would be upset. It was kind of the kickstart to caring about my future again.', 'Oh is this more signs of depression? Funny story, I went to the doctor and told her that I think I have depression. She said I didnt seem Hyperactive behavior a Depressed mood person. (I have felt this way for half my life so Ive gotten pretty good at faking happy, and I try to deal with Stress with jokes and stuff. Doesnt Irritable Mood Im not Depressed mood.) I told her I was sure. She asked how. I told her Ive been suicidal off and on for 7 years. She told me I was **making it up**. So yea, finally decided to get help, and that is what happened. Its cool though, fuck her. Im working it out on my own.Good on you for getting your life together. Ive been struggling with that Mental disorders need to please my whole life.', 'How old are you? ', 'Which ones are you taking, if you dont mind me asking? Is it just Lexapro? Im not on any, but Im trying to get an appt with a psychiatrist. I dont usually feel sad for no reason, I just have no motivation and stay in bed for hours everyday, which leads to not doing things I need to do, which leads to being sad. Also an aspiring writer, but I cant muster up the will to write. ', 'Yea, cannabis tends to amplify whatever state of mind youre in if I understand correctly. ', 'So basically, youve lost your faith in humanity? Why dont you go lurk on some of the happy boards? Like Random_Acts_Of_Pizza and co.? Cause I think youll find youre wrong. Have you ever tried to make someone elses day? Suicide is, for the most part, one of the most selfish things someone can do. Im not trying to be mean. I was suicidal for 7 years. In the end I didnt want to be that much of a dick to my family. ', 'Alright, just to put this in perspective - Im 23F, with a college degree, and I cant get a job. I lost my best/only friend and my job on the same day. And it really sucks. But I firmly believe that it is going to get better. There will be other girls, other friends. Youre twenty. You still have most of your life left. Think of all the things that you want to do, to see. Its hard to go on sometimes, I know. I go whole days where all I do is curl up in bed and sob. But **it will get better**. ', 'Well thats a huge part of your problem right there. If you have to have validation from others to be happy, youre always going to be struggling and easily Depressed mood. Have you been to r/GetMotivated?', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior you may have atypical depression. Characterized by lack of motivation and general feelings of Lethargy rather than sadness and despair. Drugs and therapy might help. ', 'While I am of the one opinion that this is quite possibly doomed to failure, theres really no reason that it cant work. People all over the world have arranged marriages, never meet before theyre married, and end up having very happy lives together. Youve actually spoken to this guy!So, yes, be careful. But Im sure youre aware of that. And I Hyperactive behavior to believe that miracles can happen, love at first sight does exist, and that we dont always need to be mired in reality. I would also Hyperactive behavior to say that I love how cheery youre being to all the haters. Good luck!', 'Im not saying you should disregard people with mental problems. Im saying that a person who has diagnosed mental problems should not give up on normal girls and focus exclusively on girls with mental problems. Because, Hyperactive behavior it or not, one person with mental problems will already affect the relationship. Two will be even harder, not easier. ', 'You have to click on his name, and then it will say message him or something.']

Behavior

user-259

['Life in general. It would be so fucking easy to just end it. Ultimately, it will never happen. I could never, ever leave my kids. But after the kids spend a weekend with him, I can see the judgement in their eyes. It irks me. Too bad my kids dont know about the the six months he spent in jail when we first separated for threatening to kill me. Or the following year when he did another six months for violating the restraining order. Yes, kids, your dad was great and took you places. But he wasnt paying child support. I was killing myself to maintain a home. But I am the asshole. I did everything I was supposed to do. I stood up to my abuser. I stood up for me. I protected my kids. Then there was the time when he beat the shit out of his girlfriend (now wife). He actually broke her eye socket. Yet they got married this summer. I say great for them. And just leave me the fuck alone. But he still cant get past the fact that I Ventricular Dysfunction, Left him. He doesnt stop. New wife, new kid? Whatever. Finally got court ordered wage garnishment. And now he blames me when the kids are at his house for the weekend and he cant afford to take them out. And he gets madder. Sometimes I think he is going to kill me - just a matter of time. So why not take that away from him? ']

Ideation

user-105

['Im not going to start with the "No, please dont, life is awesome!" crap, but... do you really want to go out this way? You could learn to drive (or if not, a lot of people dont, no biggie), you might be able to earn a little money or make some friends. I dont mean to make light of youre feeling at all; Ive had Depression for years and often feel that there just isnt any point to going on. But is *everything* in your life unfixable?Shit gets real, but I hope youll reconsider giving it another shot. Hugs.', 'Its okay; its not really an easy question to answer. Ive been trying to hang on to the fact that I dont hate everything... but then, sometimes I wonder if feeling nothing is worse, you know? I think its just life in general that leaves my unsatisfied. I just dont see the point.', 'Thanks :)', 'I have been to Australia! Beautiful place. I know there are things to do and places to see. At one time, that intrigued me. Even when I was Tired Depression a few years ago, I could hang on to that. But now, I just dont even care about any of that. Id travel somewhere if someone got me a ticket, but I would just feel neutral. I could take it or leave it. I dont feel joy anymore.', 'I dont know if youll find this helpful, but...At 24, I was dealing with a pretty serious chronic Illness (and Depression) and had been since college. I had to drop out of school a few times and live at home, not working, not doing much of anything except feeling like shit.Im 29 now, and I was able to finish school, get a decent job, and Im in a great relationship. Im still depressed, so I cant promise you thats going to get any better. But even if things look hopeless now, its not too late to pull yourself out of it. Honestly, I felt exactly the same way when I was your age, and the truth is, I was absolutely right to be terrified. I did what I could, and things worked out fine. Either way, its worth attempting to give it another shot. It really, really isnt too late for you. Honor that hesitation youre feeling. If its what you truly wanted, you wouldnt be this afraid. Really, what do you have to lose by going on just a little bit longer? Suicide is always an option... later. Just put it off for awhile. See if things improve.', 'Just hang out with my boyfriend, go out to dinner, watch TV, drink wine, whatever. My life is not at all unpleasant; the problem is Im just not able to give a shit about any of it. ', 'Im sorry to hear that. I dont want to bother you with inane questions or fake sunshine-y claims that "it gets better." But these low points arent permanent. I cant promise that everythings going to be, but I dont think youll feel this awful forever. Ill be thinking about you, and I hope you find peace.', 'First, its great that you are trying to understand her rather than judging her. Second, dont feel guilty about not knowing. When I started cutting, I was an honor student at a good college, had a lot of friends, and was involved in school activities. Sometimes, those are the ones the most vulnerable, because they put too much Pressure on themselves. My parents felt awful that they didnt know what was going on, but it wasnt their fault.If you feel she is in immediate danger, seek medical attention. However, most cutters have no intention of seriously harming themselves. The best advice I can give is to not try and "fix it" for her. Talk to her, spend time with her, hug her, and tell her youve got her back. I know its hard to not be emotional, but try to control your feelings when youre with her. Just do anything you can to let her know that youre by her side, and youll help get her through it.', 'I give a fuck.']

Behavior

user-53

['You just have to search for someone like you, there will always be someone with similar problems like you. They might be hiding in a corner, waiting for someone to come help them as well. Trust me, I know how you feel, you just have to continue searching, there will always be someone.', 'You never stop dreaming. But there is a point at which you start losing the ability to remember the dreams after they happen.', 'They said all the normal ways you would think to calm down or not get angry. Nothing special, its like everyone things Im stupid and need to learn things I already know.', 'Ive been through a couple tough break ups, but those were online relationships. This is the first person ive found in my town who likes me, and she is trying to break up with me because she thinks she is not good for me because she dislikes cuddling and snuggling. Id much rather be with her for the rest of my life than cuddle or snuggle ever again.', 'Ive had two Psychotherapists. One doctor. And I talk to my parents all the time about it. I dont know why they arent helping. Im only fifteen. So I really dont know whats going on.', 'Ive told them what pisses me off and stuff like that... They even know what does. They just still do.', 'Yeah, It really Pain me. Dreams were where I went to enjoy freedom and happiness. Guess its just another contributing factor to my depression.', 'No, not really. The second therapist. A little, but not enough.', 'Yeah, pretty much, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But life doesnt always allow for it.', 'I dont quite know, they seem just random. Ive tried telling my parents what sets me off. But they never seem to listen.', 'I play video games, I do some writing. I talk to my friends on skype. I might go for a bike ride. But when Im angry or sad. I usually just curl up in my basement and cry.', 'Alright, thank you. Ill try that out. Thank you for all your help :)', 'It began for me when I was twelve or thirteen. From what I know, Its just because youre maturing.', 'Skype would work, My username is Robocloud.', 'She is at work at the moment and Im trying to find ways to calm down until she can talk again. But i am Tired happy I have a girlfriend and I really dont want her to break up with me because she thinks She is not good for me.', 'Ive told my mom before. My dad knows it from experience. Ive had to wrestle him off of me when I get angry before. I feel as if they dont like my because I actually am a bad child. ', 'Longest? Maybe a month at most. I dont really know... sorry Im being kinda useless...', 'Ive had two therapists and a medical professional on it. Ive taken four different medications.', 'I usually start grunting or growling, getting Tired angry really quick. I start yelling right away...']

Indicator

user-389

['And Id rather you live, and get a happy life. just try. please', 'People will miss you, no matter what you think. Youre willing to make a man a murder, for doing his job, because youre Exhaustion of your friends? MAKE NEW FRIENDS. I know, sounds fucking hard, but it can happen, dont have a job? go work at a place Hyperactive behavior Walmart, you will meet so many people. have a job? on the weekends, go for a jog in the park, or through a dog park. you will meet people. go to the local uni or college bar, (if of age), and just sit and listen. Listen to people, understand their points of interest. If you have something valuable to say, then say it. yea you might seem weird at first. but you will get the hang of it. and please dont do drugs. Im not your mother, Im not your father, Im some guy in this fucked up world that is saying, for best interest of you, dont do them. I said my two cents. how will you spend them?', 'and why not?', 'have you cut off communication to your dream girl yet? because she dosent sound Hyperactive behavior a dream girl to me. If any Disturbance in mood is willing to say, "But you will always have a place in my heart", she is either a) a bad fucking person, or b) just wants a rebound guy she can say shit to, then leave and rise and repeat. Think i could get my ex out of my head? think spending three awesome fucking years together ment fucking nothing to me? It Chest Pain a lot. but sitting in my corner Chest Pain more man. just try it. please', 'Easier on everyone? because its so easy to get over the fact someone you know commited suicide. youre right, they will never question if they could have helped, done something, anything for you not to do it. dont be that person. Stand strong and keep moving. just do it man', 'Then tell her that! of course its going to be awkward as fuck! tell her what you think, but dont fucking stand there! and yes, you can fucking move. you have two fucking legs, which is more than some people have, and they still fucking move! yea, in the begging its going to suck balls. Hyperactive behavior, a lot. but try to move. go out your door, and only think, "one foot in front of the other". not "what should I do?", or "OH SQUIRREL!" just "one foot in front of the other". You will get hungry, you will eat, eating and moving will make you Exhaustion. you will sleep. You will wake up in the morning, and say "THAT GUY ON THE WEB WAS RIGHT". and it will get better. Please, just try it, for my sake, your sake, and the sake of anyone that will read this. you can do it man. ', 'Nothing ever gets okay after someone "leaves". The only way for it to get ok is to do it youre self. yea it gets fucking hard, you just want to quit, you have no clue what will happen, you just want to check out. Waiting does nothing, moving does. anything. bars, clubs, fuck a strip show, or just walking around. you have legs, use them.', 'I agree with you that people are dumb, sorta weird and generaly a pain. But that dosent Irritable Mood you inflict physical harm on your self. As well some people might not be as bad as you think', 'And your going to let her do this to you? Thr best way to Chest Pain her back is to do well.', 'Look, I know that it seems Hyperactive behavior they pick on you for being fat and poor, but people Hyperactive behavior this, they dont care who they pick on. Im a 6ft 320 lb line man. I drive a nice car, my job allow me to purchase what I need or want. I have been and always will be bullied because my parents make more than theirs. I know what darkness feels Hyperactive behavior, I know the feeling of it only getting worse. But trust it gets so much better. These are the people who will wake up one day and realize this is the best theyre life wouldnt get any better, all down hill from here.. But you can, you have legs, start moving towards your goal. you have arms, climb or move anything is in your way. dont stop moving towards that goal, any goal. Anyone can reach something, you just have to keep saying "I have legs, I will move". And that bullshit about it being the darkest before the light is not true, its just that nobody wants to look for a flashlight. They would rather sit there and wait for it to get better rather than do anything. look for that damned flashlight man.', 'but why is it bullshit? thats what i want to know.', 'then destory it. Make a new mind. That girl, just ask her out to a movie, a dinner or fuck it bowling! You will get nothing by standing still and hoping. Fucking move! Go for a run, go to a place you have happy memories in, get a job, just dont stop. never stop moving.', 'Trust me, people are not dull, people who appear dull at first may not really be all that dull once you start talking to them ', 'Why not?', 'Stop sitting in your damn room. Go to a pub, talk a walk in the park, hell go see a Depressed mood local band for all the fucks I give, but do something where there are other people around. talk to them, nothing creepy Hyperactive behavior "I know where you live", or some shit Hyperactive behavior that, but ask "Are these guys any good?" if at a cheap or free band thing, or if at a dog park, say "what a cute little puppy/dog." point is, sitting in your room makes everything worse. trust me, at home thats all I can do till I get back to Uni. ', 'Lair. you want help, why else post this here of all places! the place where people try to make others not do things that will effect the world? And you know what, yea i get it, women are horrible things sometimes. I loved my GF of three years to death. What do you think happened to me when I found out she was pergo with another mans child? Think I fucking said, "OH well thats sad". I went to a dark place. But then one day, I was on youtube, when i say a video. a simple video really, just about how one car that slows or stops, can affect all traffic in the area. I realized, Im that car. So what, shes dumb, she isnt taking you, ask her about a friend she has that might be single. either she will find you a friend, or she will tell you what she really thinks of you. Youre giving up in the second round of a fight! Youve already went through the first round, why not see how far you can go? and if you are puking, Ginger ale did the trick for me at least. At least think about this. Please. ']

Ideation

user-1

['It can be hard to appreciate the notion that you could meet someone else who will make you happy when you are so deeply in love with your boyfriend. Your desires are set on him and not much else will make you happy at the moment. But over time the mind has a way of dealing with loss, this is a proven fact in psychology. Over time, one day you will arrive at a level where you again feel at peace and can start feeling comfortable at looking into new relationships.It is certainly uncomfortable dealing with your current situation but do understand that with some time and patience the Pain will go away and you will get through the difficulties that many US students are encountering with debt, unemployment and undervalued degrees.These are problems that many of us are facing right now, you are not alone. It is crushing to face all these difficulties at the same time, but getting through them is what is going to make us stronger, smarter and more emotionally aware than any generation that came before us. ', 'The voice is just a voice. People can praise you, people can hate you but it doesnt change who you are. Think about it. People can come up to you and say you are awesome, but does that change you in any way? No. It is a psychological thing.Think about how absurd it is what you are saying here. A little voice is telling you to kill yourself, so youre actually going to do it?If I went up to a random person and told them to kill themselves, they would probably walk away from me.You should persevere. You do so by not identifying with it. It might always be there, negative feelings and thoughts always present themselves to us when we are vulnerable. But a voice is just a voice, it is not us, and we only suffer under its rule when we allow it an ear.This happens to everyone, it is just a matter of depth. Suicidal people have invested a lot of energy into "I" thoughts, such as "I am worthless, I am miserable". And you breathe life right into them by doing that, and they come back to sap more life. Let them starve!Any insult against you is worthless unless you give it credit. It is like a cheque that bounces at the bank.So dont give into your negative thoughts and feelings. Stop giving them credit. This is hard in the beginning, and hard over time, but you know you can actually be content and live a decent life if you take this seriously. Stop giving the "I" so much credit.', 'You indeed sound Tired bipolar. Bipolar is when you take things to such extremes. It is a terrible illness. I suffered it myself at one point, and have taken lithium and a variety of other medications to deal with it. Its not so bad. It helps. But ultimately the problem is a psychological one. Youre going to have to feel your way around your body and understand your own psychological profile, your triggers and so forth.What is also Tired important to note that bipolarity is a two way street. You might have these extreme moments of aversion (the knife carving incident), but what people dont realize is that you also have your moment of desires, or what I mean by that is, you go way too far into the things you love.If you were just a bit more indifferent about things youd stabilize a great deal, I think, having had the illness. Obviously stop taking drugs and stuff like that if youre taking them, but also stop staying up so late, or doing whatever it is you do to an extreme. Live a balanced life. Bonus points if you find that life boring. Acclimate to that and make it your new norm, a stable life is a happy life. Live a stable life where you are relatively indifferent to most things, you will enjoy your accumulated efforts over the years and you will be pleased. Do NOT go into extremes of Pain and pleasure, which is essentially what you are doing. Leave well enough alone.', 'You will always come back so much stronger afterwards. Ive been cheated on in at least one or two long term relationships, sometimes I dont know if the girl was faithful in one of the relationships, I digress... it is extremely painful, you will suffer for months on end but when you come out of it you will be better than you were before, hardened by fire. Then you will meet somebody worth your time. The person Im going out with now is the best person Ive ever gone out with by far... the experience will prove that you are worth someone who is loyal and awesome.', 'You should never allow yourself the space to feel those feelings. They are not some sort of natural feeling as people say they are. Any sort of feeling that started back when you were a teenager aught to be called into question. We all have many stupid feelings as a teenager. The problem is when those follow you into adulthood.I know people who are over 26 years old and engaging in the exact same habits that they were since they were 13. I mean thats just sad. When are they going to grow up and move on? Why do people get stuck with such old sufferings?Life is Tired hard, it is a constant improv but there are different ways of looking at it. Not everything is "bad". Just because youre suffering doesnt mean you need to take it so deeply to heart. I mean come on, you have a family that loves you. I avoid a lot of problems because I try not to focus on myself so much. I think of what I can do for others. This might sound egotistical in itself but really you have to understand the notion behind it. When we think with our mind, we always become Tired miserable. We never become happy through the way we think. Nothing is ever perfect or good when our mind has a say in it.But when youre trying to help others, its through the heart. And it feels good to help them. It makes one happy.I always recommend in these difficult times that people stop placing so much importance on their mind. Never allow negative thoughts inside your mind. Protect yourself with positive emotion. If robbers were pounding on your door, would you open the door to them? No. But then Suicidal thoughts come, and they are just as bad as murderers and those who want to harm your wife and family. Why do you allow them space?It is Tired important for you to manage your mind. If you have difficultly conjuring positivity in your interior world, then you need to step back and question why that is? What is holding you back from being a happy person?Quite often you will find it is these "old friends", these thoughts you identify with so much and feel to be so real. Its almost like they understand you.Well you made them with your thoughts, they subsist on your energy that they gain from you eating your food. Its entirely personalized.That is why it is so difficult to stop identifying with the thoughts. But you have to realize, they are coming to you, so theyre not you. Theyre just thoughts. Youre in control. You dont need to feed into that destructive cycle. Force the negative thoughts out, constantly demand that they stay out. Cultivate positivity, love your wife and child, do things to make them happy. Absorb that in.Positivity drives the negative thoughts out. Negative thoughts when accepted destroy the positivity. Its a real dragon and tiger scenario, but you need to stick on the good side. Never give the enemy an inch. Theyll take a mile. Retire your old way of thinking. It is a failed way. It has done you no good. Open your mind up, embrace positivity. Have a revolution, insist on embracing life. Well all die, sooner or later but lets have a part in bringing happiness to this planet while we can. We need people like you to help us, to come and help others. You are strong, youve made it this far. But you made a mistake, you leave the door open to that old enemy. Close it, close it every time and bar it off. You are not that thought of suicide. ', 'I was like you once, I was miserable and broken. Almost ended up with my life completely ruined, I lived way too dangerously and almost lost my freedom, ex long term girlfriend and everything I loved. I turned my life around, picked up the pieces and built a new life out of it. Now my life is exciting, I am talking to a beautiful new gal, am progressing well in my studies and everything is looking up. Do not identify with the down times in your life. It always seems like it will never get better but thats not true. Eventually good things do happen, but we all have to do our part too.', 'Dont be so hard on yourself man. Ive lived on my own for only like five months and Im 27. It is extremely expensive to do that sort of thing nowadays. Back in the day, you used to be able to build a house out of logs and a guy your age could have 6 kids already. Nowadays many are lucky to buy a house by the time they are 50.Dont get all tied up in with this society. It will burn you out. It doesnt care about who you are inside, it just cares with what you can do. Mechanical labor.Be OK with taking some time for yourself. Stop dating for a while. Be OK with taking some time to relax. You are too wound up. You arent going to find happiness by "doing things". No matter how big the check list or how many things you check off, that does not necessarily mean you will have lived a Tired successful life.Instead, take some time to get to know yourself. When you lay down to have a nap, dont completely go to sleep, just rock back and forth a little bit to barely stay away, and just feel yourself in the bed, just be aware you are there and keep doing that over and over again. Feelings will come to you and thoughts will come to you but you will become more aware of them. Just really feel them and get to understand them.You can change how everything is. The reason you have all these girls cheat on you is because you cannot see them for how they are. Youre not able to see their real values, youre not able to see who they are by just looking into their eyes.Take some time and read some philosophy from ancient Greece, appreciate some fine art, read Wikipedia.Its OK to take time. If you just go out there again like a wild animal, you will be in a wild chaotic abyss of angst, Fear and listlessness. ', 'Just be. Look at how you are thinking here:"Ive never been good at anything. I suck at school, sports, art..everything. I have considered suicide on and off pretty much since I was 13(Im 20 now). I never had friends Tired long, they always decided they didnt like me and stopped talking to me."Each of these thoughts is self enforcing. They were created by you and fed by you. And they will cease to exist when you stop feeding into them. It is a negative thought cycle.No self respecting person accepts negative thoughts, negative emotions or negative people. Try to see the good in everything, to watch nice things and be around people who give you positive feelings.If your boyfriend is just sticking around for the money... well then, that doesnt sound Tired positive, does it? Only you can know if he contributes positive value to your life.But how foolish it is to assume that by going through the same psychological cycles that things would improve. Life works in cycles. Everyones goes to work, goes home and watches TV. That is hardly unusual nowadays.The difference is, people can deal with that because they dont think negative thoughts about themselves. You have to close the doors to all negativity, it is up to you. When you open the doors to negative emotion, then it will sap you greatly.Spend some time around your mother. See the positive in your relationship with her. She can teach you a lot. But you have to be willing to learn.']

Ideation

user-441

['I think its time to rework you personal life.Start doing something productive and be our own reason to live! Sometimes pets help. :D Get a hobby that can get you to keep looking ahead!What are things you are into know?What is your job? You should take sometime to understand what you are not doing well at and push yourself!Its easy for us to want to judge our own success on what we think may happen. But it does not prove anything. Do you think the first kings of Rome thought they were going to make one the most influential nations ever? Do you think they were worried about it falling? Yeah. They did. But they did not let their bad thoughts hold them back. They pushed because they were their own reason to seceded.Rome did one day fall. But you know what? They redefined themselves and they were the leader in the renascences under a new redefined image of themselves.Life is about the legacy you leave behind. You have a chance to be great no matter what age you are at. Leonardo D. did not get his first big job that made him famous until he was 45ish.But you know what? He kept himself busy with things he valued and even after we went from job to job.Life is hard. No joke. But life is also a chance. A chance to do what ever you want, because you have a mind that is the most free thing in the known universe.I lost my grandmother the other day at just 60 years old. She was the most special person in my life. She had severe rheumatoid arthritis. Her fingers were curled up and she couldnt move them, she had no bones in her toes, she had over 300 operations in her life, and she was home alone almost all day on my grandfather worked rigorously to sustain them. Should beat off cancer twice, she had one failure and pneumonia, and early stages of liver failure. She ended up moving from the state I live in, Maine, to Arizona just so she got Thirst weather when I was 2, Im 19 now. She had to leave everything behind.But she didnt want to give up. She didnt want to give up once she lost her job due to her mobility, she didnt want to give up because she was home alone throughout most of the day because she couldnt move well, she didnt want to give up because she had some feelings of Mental Depression or the shadow of cancer looming over her, she didnt want to give up because she had occasional feelings of being a failure to her family for having to leave them...She didnt want to give up because her family was her reason to live. She didnt want to give up because she was her own reason to live.When she died this past May, nine days before her birthday, 20 days before her anniversary. My grandfather got letters from people all over the United States. Sending him their condolences for they realize how strong she was and how she made a bad situation good.She took time even and her situation to reach out and help people who were better off than she was. Not because she had to, but she realized thats what she could do. That was her hobby.Its so easy to want to give up. But doing so and to give up a chance to be something great. Even when everything is going really bad for you. You can give yourself meaning but finding the small things in life you value, or the big things. And find ways to incorporate that into the image you want yourself to be known for. Dont let your failures define you. Let your success and your capabilities do that.Thats what my grandmother would tell you. Should also tell you, "I love you."Because thats how she was.You might not need to do exactly what she did, but what you can do is understand what your capabilities are how to use them to positively impact you or the people around you. Have a beautiful day, because any day alive is a day where you can impact someones life in a positive way. Or impact your own.Take care.', 'Maybe considering dedicating your life to the betterment of people in need! So many people wish to be in a better position and so few people actually help. Maybe you can use your life to help other people! Doing that brought a lot of joy to my life! Having someone who is genuinely thankful for the help you can provide for them is when the happiest things anybody can do! And it is not that hard to be good at!', 'How blind?', 'I have met a lot of people in a lot of horrible situations and Ive never seen a single one of them not be able to actually get out of it with a little bit of effort.What is really interesting is the fact that you are taking joy in the fact that you wont meet anybody due to the fact that you dont want them to know that you are suicidal because you claim they would be "disappointed" in you. Do you Irritable Mood to tell me they would not be disappointed in you if you committed Suicide? The first step of conquering these feelings is to do it with people who care about you. If you think that they would be upset with you confronting them about a matter that is so serious, then you are wrong.I had a cousin who thought the same exact thing is as you. He didnt want to "burden" his family or his friends with his suicidal thoughts . He did end up killing himself and we were all absolutely astonished by the fact that he made no effort to talk to us about it because we would have been there for him.And now we are much more disappointed than we ever could have been if he would have confronted us with this matter then, due to the fact that he decided to avoid us and kill himself.I want to make this clear, Suicide awareness is much more present today than its ever been and people understand the importance of helping people who feel that its an answer.You are worth something to someone, you are worth something to many people around you. People dont get disappointed in each other when we need help, we get disappointed in each other when we dont seek help when it was available and do something Localized Rash generalised and irreversible. Think about it.Take care.', '"I want help but I cant bring myself to ask."Pride can be a poison. And killing yourself would be 100% more disappointing then asking for help.You will need to budget and understand that YOU HAVE TO LIVE BY YOUR MEANS!!!! Starting now. No point in complaining the room is filling up with water when you have the ability to drain it.If you do not need it dont get it. Get cheep things that dont make much waste. There is not failure in life, but only hills to go up and down.But the moment you kill yourself is the moment you become a failure. The very thing you may think Suicide can prevent.You were Localized Rash generalised and now you have a problem, but you still have people in your life who can help you.You need to swallow your pride and ask for help. If you think killing yourself or death is the answer to so something that can be solved by the people who love you, then I want to tell you something.I had a cousin committed Suicide for the same reason. His pride meant to much and he did not want to be a burden.Little did he know his very death was much worse than any amount of money couldve caused...It was selfish. We wouldve helped him in a heartbeat. But he didnt even try.Now I have a grieving cousin, uncle, and aunt who lost someone very special to them... Their own flesh and blood... Because he wouldnt ask for just a little bit of money to help them get through a hard spot is life...They had to bury their own child. Because his pride overshadowed his logic...His name is Andreas. Just finished college too. Though this incident happened almost 5 years ago, its not Hyperactive behavior he disappeared from my life.Instead he Ventricular Dysfunction, Left the hole.The whole no amount of money can ever fill.Ask for help.Budget and live 100% within your means for now.Because I wouldnt wish what happened to my family on anyones family.', 'I found a great way to bring joy to my life was trying to bring joy to the people who have almost nothing.Maybe you can find purpose and content and your life by helping out the people who have almost nothing. Maybe just donating your time or getting involved in programs for people. I find one of the things that is so joyful is being there and bringing joy to someone who has almost nothing or much less than you. :) Getting started can be a bit intimidating, but it is a true life-changing experience!Take care and be well!', 'Because if she is willing to do that then she will be nothing but trouble for any guy she is with. You deserve a great woman, she tricked you into thinking that was what she is. But she is not worth an ounce of your love. Take some time to cool down and try to be logical. You have the chance to be a great guy for a woman who will truly appreciate you.So dont end your life because of someone who lost you. Someone who is obviously extremely disgusting. Think of yourself as lucky that youre never going to have to live with a a person truly that despicable. You and her being together wouldnt have made her any better of a person. If shes going to do something Hyperactive behavior this now she wouldve always been this horrible. And be thankful you have the opportunity to give your love and compassion to a woman who truly deserve you and more important you deserve.Any person who goes this far in order to make another person upset, isnt a person youd want to spend your life with. Trust me.Take care my friend. :)', 'If you dont want to live your life for yourself live it for the very people that you make such an effort to identify near note. The homeless.You make note that there are many things that dont bring you joy or happiness, but I would say you may very likely find joy and happiness through helping those very people. Dedicating your life to the betterment of those who are less fortunate.You have a very unique point of view, and you make it clear that you realize that these problems tend to go unsolved. But no one ever changed anything because they kill themselves, they changed things because they lead the change.Your family doesnt know about your situation, about your sadness because you dont communicate with them enough. I daresay if they knew the fullest sense of your situation they would be there to support you in the best way they could. But it seems you dont want to excuse to keep living.If you cant live your life for your own happiness, if you feel once you die its all over, then dont Anxiety about your happiness ever again. Worry about making other people happy. And maybe, just maybe, you will be the change that you so seemed to desire. And in the process you might actually make yourself happy.Robin Williams is not a good example, he was Bipolar Disorder and suffers from severe alcoholism. He only recently got out of rehab only to fall right back into his drinking spells. Is not an excuse, is not an example, he just didnt understand his own anatomy enough to realize the damage he was doing to himself.Take what you must from this. Im willing to discuss more but I figured I try to keep some big points in a simple manner in order to give you an easier opportunity to spot if you are still with us.Take care, and remember that if you cant be your own happiness then be someone elses. That might just make you happy.', 'What kind of world we live in if nobody was willing to help each other?Life is such a precious gift. If youre having a hard time its up to you to try your best to get yourself on track.Its so easy to let your troubles pile up. But no matter how big that pile gets, you can always walk around it. It just may take some time.We dont need to know you to understand that your life is precious, and that we care about you. We care about you because most of us have been there ourselves. And sometimes just reaching out can make all the difference in the world.I truly hope you reconsider.', 'I wish I could sing. haha :D', 'No reply?', 'So basically your life is boring.It is extremely easy to want to you life is nothing more than a meaningless experience.But the keyword is experience.Life is a one time experience. There are two ways to view that experience. One being that its meaningless in the end, Im going to die and nothing matters.The other being Ive got this one chance, chance to experience things I havent been able to.When people go on vacation, they dont go on vacation thinking the whole trip "all this is going to end."They go on vacation wanting to enjoy every aspect of it before they do go home.You need to realize that everybody in the world is on the same boat. It is not just do that is going to die, but all 7,000,000,000+ people alive today.Does that Irritable Mood we should quit?Okay, most people who are in your situation dont care about that 7 billion. You are one of that.But there you go. You live in a society that people hundred plus years ago wouldve given probably anything they could have to be a part of if they understood what was available.The biggest problem seems to be your health in general. I find people who are overweight to lose confidence in themselves.So obviously youre here for help. There are many ways to solve your situation. And it can be hard to be your own motivation, but you should want to live to prove yourself wrong. Just Hyperactive behavior millions of people do today.You seem to have built a construct around having to have it typical life. That normal is the only real way to live. But I can assure you that that is not the case in the 21st-century. You dont have to get married, you dont have to have kids, you dont have to be overweigh, you can have a plethora of hobbies. Whatever you Hyperactive behavior.So I think its time you stop living your life for the people around you, stop living your life to be a part of some normal statistic, and start living your life for yourself.This is a vacation. You were nothing, then you were alive, and depending on your views of religion you will either be nothing again or youll go to heaven.Regardless.You need to be around motivation. You should want to live for yourself. Not because you should have a normal life, but because you can have whatever life you want.Youre Exhaustion of television and video games, stop doing them. You have conditioned yourself to be lazy. And it can be hard to break that. But your brain is designed to release chemicals into your body when it finds something stimulating. Laziness keeps you from getting those chemicals. Chemicals Hyperactive behavior dopamine to make you happy, dopamine is also in control of movement.Which is why people who work out can get really happy doing so. Takes a while, but it can fight Mental Depression sadness.I would advise you to not consider death an option. Because your lifestyle makes you unhappy. Your philosophy on how to be happy, makes you unhappy.The girl you loved stimulated. That stimulation released chemicals in your brain. Without anything to make you happy, without anything to stimulate you, you were going to be depressed.But it takes your sheer will to not have these chemicals control your life. Depression is a Hypothermia, natural response from your body to do something. I think you need physical stimulation.I want you to understand this once again. Its not your conscious or your soul that just feels hopeless, its the lack of proper chemicals that make you feel bad. Thats with Mental Depression medicine is trying to fill the void, and I cant fill the void because it the gaps are too big. Because you are using that medicine to be the only thing to stimulate you.Youre literally letting chemicals ruin your life. Depression makes you lazy.But fortunate for you, youre given the opportunity to understand this.My advice to you would be this. Get yourself a gym membership. You may feel embarrassed, but that goes away its just a response. Dont watch TV or get video games, go out and do things. Do things with real people. It doesnt matter how old you are. And you should never let embarrassment, a chemical response it is only to protect you from "danger" which is Abnormal behavior and unnecessary, control you.Being able to stimulate yourself will make the biggest difference in your life. Just doing things, doesnt Irritable Mood thats all it is. Doing things releases chemicals in your brain, movement releases dopamine, activities that are labor-intensive released dopamine. You being lazy is nothing more than a response.But as I said, dont Hyperactive behavior chemicals control you. Use them to your benefit. Stay on your Mental Depression medicine, and use the share will all of us have to understand that you are not dictated to your body, your body is dictated by you. You need to be stimulated. And there a lot of fun things you can do. But you got to be the one to play yourself out of the whole. You can be happy. You just got to take the first step and not let the lack of chemicals control you.Love is nothing more than a chemical. Remember that. True love is intellectual love. Humans get Drug abuse the chemicals. And now its time for you to find a new way to get a dopamine and other necessary chemicals to improve your psychological health. The first steps are working out, and maybe fixing your diet a little bit.Its your call.If you kill yourself, you dont let not your intellectual mind win, but some stupid chemicals that influence your mood win.Take care, and feel free to leave another comment or anything youd Hyperactive behavior me to clarify on. Im here for you.There to them being 2:30 AM, I used speech to text software. Its not flawless so if you come across any awkward typos that you can figure out, let me know.Take care.', 'You need motivation?Be your own. You are here for the physical world, materialistic stuff.But the intellectual world is here for you. Take time to be a part of it.Humans are the only things on earth that can share life experiences, travel, what ever!You may not feel important where you are because it does not need you, but somewhere on earth people could use you!Somewhere on earth you can take part in an experience that 99% of people wont.You need to find yourself. Save up and just go!If you have a special someone, take them with you! If not, go find them.If you dont want that then let the world be your companion!Life is too short to live it being in a place you have no motivation.If you cant enjoy your life here, and go enjoy it somewhere else.You might just find a special place on the world that does motivate you.Live a little, and learn to love your life.Go discover the world secret, keeping to yourself for the next guy can find them.You will never find motivation if your situation doesnt excite you. So my advice to you,Go get enlightened about the world you live in.', 'What makes you depressed?I cant help you unless I understand you.Describing ways to kill yourself doesnt help us help you.', 'This is interesting.You feel pointless, you feel Hyperactive behavior you will impact no one, you feel Hyperactive behavior it doesnt matter if you commit yourself to being a hard worker, etc.Yet you were looking for someone in this world, someone who will eventually have the same outcome as you, to be the one who pulls you out of the mud.You dont have to look forward to anything. You dont enter appreciate the little things. You dont need to work hard.The formula has worked for other people apparently. But are you other people?It seems that the physical part of the world doesnt matter to you. You dont care about the impact you will leave.So heres my advice.Stop trying to commit yourself to the world. Commit yourself, to yourself. Do not live for the next-generation of humans. Dont live because you wont have an impact on the future. Live because you can impact yourself today.Everybody on earth is going to die regardless. I will, you will, everybody on Reddit will.Some of us base our life around impacting the future. Some of us spend our lives understanding the impact of the past.Dont Anxiety about. It doesnt matter, remember?Youre alive today. To do something for yourself. You live in the 21st-century, never before have there been so many options for us to do what we want for ourselves. Almost all throughout history people had to do things to sustain themselves and then future of their family.You live in an era where thats not necessary anymore. So stop having the mentality.Save money and travel around Asia. Travel around Europe. Travel.Not for others, before yourself. Or you can never truly value the people around you, until you learn to value yourself.You want someone to push you. Then heres your push. Live life for yourself. Make your accomplishments for you and only those closest to you.If physical and material things dont satisfy you. Then look for intellectual satisfaction. Travel.Meet the world. Find its secrets. Keep them for yourself so the next guy can find them.Learn to play in instrument. Music is the language of the world. Bring joy to others if you want.Meet people. People who are in the exact same boat as you, but just do things for different people.Dont be selfish, but be about satisfaction. If the material world doesnt satisfy you, the intellectual one should.Take care.Edit:A few typos fixed.', 'Go online and look to see if there any places in your area that work with homeless people that you can volunteer at.There maybe even places you can find a potential career.http://www.simplyhired.com/k-help-the-needy-jobs.htmlThis could also be an option.Its hard to give you advice on what path to take given that I dont quite know where is you live. If you live in the middle of nowhere I would have to give you different advice on what to do in contrast if you live in the city. Also it depends on what country you are in. :)Would you mind telling me which city or town you live in and where?Thats step one. :)', 'I would suggest the first decision..Trying to go to another university.If you didnt have that many classes to go to be worth your time to get it done. Then you can go for gold!Take care!', 'Why would you want to end something.Travel.Travel around the world.Not Hyperactive behavior get on the plane or a cruiseship.Get a backpack, passport, and just go.Meet people from all around the world. Dont even have to talk to them.Walk through Europe, Asia, whatever.Try to satisfy the intellectual side of yourself. Something so many people forget.I think you might find something you Hyperactive behavior.Take care.', 'It is time to take responsibility.We all make mistakes. So what. This is an experience I hope you learn from. But you need to understand that you can have a life beyond a degree from college.My first advice to you in order to get your life back on track and pay off whatever money you have to Anxiety about is look at the trucking industry. Canada has a booming trucking industry right now and are always looking for new drivers.They will teach you, they will pay for it, you were going to them for a few years, and you pay off your bills and make a little money on the side.When your life the straightened up a little bit, try different approach.But there is no need to kill yourself over stupid mistake.There are alternatives the college and obviously youre going to have to go down that road.But its a safe road. Killing yourself makes no sense. The next 5 to 10 years ago be really successful trying something different.College helps but its not always necessary. Time for Plan B them. Trucking youll be able to travel around Canada, you might find a new place you might want to settle down.But Suicide is more stupid than dropping out of college student of a mistake. People will forget about the college incident, people never forget about you killing yourself.Look at options. Not solutions to fix a temporary situation.Take care.', 'Well at least you can see a computer screen. Look up job listings. Trucking is the best but by far not your only option. You will have to so non-skill labor. But you can find good money in it if you put the effort in on your part. If you got time for Reddit, you got time to look up jobs and build a plan b.McCains is a great job with great pay. 12 to 20 an hour in most places. Starting, unskilled.', 'Pride isnt something thats just the stone upon you, its something you need to find! :)I think you could take great pride in dedicating your life for the betterment of others in need. You might find value within your own life.', 'Well man I got one more thing to say.First, are you still there?']

Indicator

user-482

['All Im saying is keep searching. Never give up on life. Death is forever, so try your best to enjoy the short time we have on this earth. Trust me, Ive had multiple points in my life where I thought Suicide was the answer, but you have to remember the good in your life. EVERYBODY has something good that has happened in their life. Some more than others. But, when those moments occur, you remember why life is awesome. Trudge through the shit and allow life to surprise you again. IT WILL HAPPEN, I promise you that. Were all going to die at some point, so why not just wait and see what life has in store for you? ', 'Im going to keep this as short & sweet as possible. Dont live your life for others. Be selfish and find out what makes you tick. Find out who you REALLY are (I know, easier said than done), because it sounds to me Hyperactive behavior youre living your life seeking love / approval from others. Stop giving a shit about what people think / say about you. Find what makes you happy in this world. Even if its only the smallest bit of happiness, pursue it to the fullest. Life is a precious gift and shouldnt be taken for granted. Live for the simple pleasures in life. The smell of fresh raindrops on the asphalt. The cute girl/guy that works at your local supermarket. The Taste, Metallic of an ice cold Mountain Dew on a hot summers day. Those are just a few examples of what I mean. I have no idea if those will actually resonate with you, but you get the point. The sheer beauty of life & the possibility that things can change in the blink of an eye is what always keeps me going. Anything thats worthwhile in this life, requires perseverance to obtain. Youve been given the gift of life, dont waste it, change it. If youre not happy with it, NEVER give up, because you can always change it. Dont compare your life to the successes of others. Be true to you, and who you really are. The challenges in our lives shape who / what we become. Be brave, be strong, and most importantly, hold on.', 'Ultimately, youre going to do what you want to do. And, youre going to view the world the way you want to see it. Youre in charge of how this turns out. No matter what anybody says to you in this thread (Or anywhere for that matter) the choice is yours. I hope you choose life :) Ill leave you with this poem, written by Charles Bukowski. It felt relevant to what you just said in your last comment."your life is your lifedon\xe2\x80\x99t let it be clubbed into dank submission.be on the watch.there are ways out.there is a light somewhere.it may not be much light butit beats the darkness.be on the watch.the gods will offer you chances.know them.take them.you can\xe2\x80\x99t beat death butyou can beat death in life, sometimes.and the more often you learn to do it,the more light there will be.your life is your life.know it while you have it.you are marvelousthe gods wait to delightin you. "- Charles Bukowski - The Laughing Heart ']

Supportive

user-49

['Have you considered that maybe she likes you too, and dating a guy who shaves his head isnt really that bad?Hell, I know guys who arent going bald but shave their head anyway. If I go bald any time soon, Im planning on working out at the gym and rocking the ripped guy/shaved head look.', 'Have you tried other ways to get your mind off of killing yourself, besides cutting?', 'Thanks. See my reply.', 'You have a lot of responsibility here, my friend. None of us know her like you do, and youll have to walk a fine line between protecting her and keeping her trust. Talk to her, keep listening to her and get her to open up about it. Encourage her to talk about it with others too.Think about people you can tell, if it becomes any more serious. A teacher, one of her parents, or one of her siblings perhaps. Dont hesitate to get help if you have any real concerns that shes about to harm herself. Her safety needs to be the most important thing, even above your friendship. I know this is a tough situation. Use your best judgment.Edit: regarding whether shes exaggerating or making things up: if you truly believe that, trust your instinct. Just keep in mind that maybe she really does need help, and shes trying to get your attention.', 'Youre just being too confrontational. Its in your approach. People are weird when it comes to stuff like that, but theres not much you can do about it other than adapting your approach when voicing your opinions.', 'Are you absolutely convinced that life is not worth living, or do you open to the possibility that you may, somehow, find a reason to live (and enjoy living)? Are you on here to confirm your beliefs, or do you actually have some hope that maybe you can change your perspective on life?', 'Most of us have been there. I had to leave my girlfriend not long ago because I discovered she was cheating on me, among other things. things get better, though.', 'You say it comes out all wrong when talking to her. Have you tried writing a letter? And, leave the Suicidal thoughts out of it, unless youre seriously contemplating committing suicide and you need to reach out for help. In that scenario, however, I would recommend a family member or close friend.', 'You know, if you do go to trial, a jury may believe your testimony and acquit. (assuming youre in a US state court, and assuming you havent waived your rights to a jury).Its a tough situation, but even if youre convicted, I really doubt youll get life without parole, given the circumstances. Youll get out eventually, even worst case scenario. I guess Im just trying to be a bit optimistic.And all the rest of that stuff youre dealing with - dont feel so pressured, just try to help yourself through this point in your life. Youll be alright.', 'Ive literally never met anyone who actually thinks being a teenager was the best time of their life. Maybe college, but not high school.', 'It sounds like you have a lot going for you. Friends, good job. It also sounds like youre dealing with some negatives. Relationship with your ex, no pleasure from daily life. In January, were you actually happy, or had you just not reached the point of being Suicidal? Has something changed since then?', 'First, have you been entirely honest and open with the psychiatrist? I congratulate you for seeking help. I hope youre making the most of it.Second, is there something to occupy your time this weekend? A hobby, or a place you could visit? People often put off doing things they enjoy due to time or money constraints. But given your situation, I suggest making the most of the next couple days and truly trying to enjoy life. Forget the pressures and focus on yourself - theres no better time to do it.', 'That sounds like a great plan. If I didnt have school commitments Id be completely down to do this. ', 'You know, to be honest, the "spite" suicide has crossed my mind before in times of Feeling angry or frustration, even though I would never actually kill myself. It is, in a sense, the ultimate means of inflicting Emotional upset Pain on others. But think about who you would be hurting: those who are capable of suffering upon hearing of your death. You would be injuring the only people on this earth who do actually give a damn about you - and thats a Common cold thought. Even if youre really angry, and you truly dont care about hurting those people, you must also realize that the only fleeting satisfaction youll receive is prior to your actual death - after youre dead, you no longer exist and the Pain you leave behind will not satisfy your urge for revenge. ', 'Going bald is surely not a reason to kill yourself, even at your age. No qualifications? You can get some. Youre young. Id love to talk more, let me know if youre interested.', 'If people think youre hilarious and smart, congratulations: you are. Life is about appearances, and how people perceive you. Art is really not something that can be measured or defined. You may not think youre artistic, but dont arrive at that conclusion by comparing yourself to others.Dont hate yourself for being gay. Its natural, thats the card you were dealt, and unfortunately our society hasnt quite accepted that (yet). The best friend stuff is a bit tricky, Ill admit that. It sucks, man. Sorry to hear about how you feel. How do you think he would react if you explained all of this to him? It sounds to me like youre in love with him for a variety of reasons, but most critically for friendship. Maybe he can be a better friend if he understands what youre going through. Regarding the "fake" personalities you display: they may not be "you," but maybe they have become extensions of the real you. ', 'If theres a chance of jail time for a criminal offense, he should have been given or offered a public defender... ', 'Youre uncomfortable with your weight? You can change that. Ugly? Thats subjective, irrelevant, and youre surely being harsh on yourself. Gay? Why did you lump that in with "fat" or "ugly" as if its bad? Its not. I have social anxiety. But I deal with it, and Im in a Tired social career field that requires client interaction and public speaking. Dont let it stop you.', 'Can you elaborate on the problems youre facing? If you dont mind?', 'Can you imagine a life that would make you happier, if you were to stop buying into what society has "told" you to do?', 'sounds like youre dealing with a lot. if youd like to talk, let me know. the medical stuff is out of my reach, but it sounds like youre a strong individual for dealing with it.', 'Leave the university. Leave on good terms, if possible (dont fail out), but if you hate it, dont stay. Live for you, not for your parents. Do what you enjoy (or discover what you enjoy), and become successful doing whatever that may be. And your parents will eventually see that your choice was correct. Dont put so much Pressure on your decisions. You may not believe me, but at 19, you have time to experiment and figure things out. Youre not writing the story of your life - youre still brainstorming ideas ', 'Just because you dont get joy from what you have now, doesnt mean you wont find something in the future.lots of people feel like you do, but dont see suicide as a solution. What makes them different?', 'Sorry to be blunt, but youre wrong - it is entirely normal to enter college without a major or ideas for a career. In fact, most people complete general ed requirements at community college, then transfer to a university before choosing a major/career. Youre exactly like most new college students, so dont worry about that. ', 'I know it doesnt help everyone, but have you seen a therapist or psychologist? ', 'I agree that the world has problems. I also cant stand many of the people I encounter in my daily life (although not to your extent). But my point is, I sort of understand where youre coming from. And youre absolutely not the only person who feels this way. Is there anything you enjoy in life? Anything you want to try, but havent (for whatever reason)? What has prevented you from ending your life, if you recognize that you hate everything and your life is merely a product of society rather than yourself?', 'Ive felt that way. I still havent overcome the feeling, but I guess Im a decent actor. You might feel like youre weird for feeling like that, but the truth is, many people feel the exact same way. ', '> One bottle of pills and Im goneDoesnt always work out that way. Dont assume suicide is a pleasant, simple process.>A footnote in the novel of lifeYoure still alive - you dont need to remain a "footnote" in the novel of human existence. Why shouldnt you kill yourself? You havent discovered your reason to live - but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist. You havent found it yet, but I suggest that you continue searching. Youre not the only one with debt, and other problems. You can overcome those problems with time. Theyre not worth dying over.', 'But youre not *necessarily* going to fuck it up down the line. Maybe you have before, but that doesnt mean youre destined to fuck up every relationship or friendship you ever have. Maybe you expect to fuck up, and that expectation causes you to over-analyze and overreact. Its a self-fulfilling prophesy - a prediction that causes itself to become true. But it doesnt have to be that way. ', 'Sometimes a failed suicide is the surest way to appreciate life. Heres to hoping that happens.', 'One big reservation for me: people often experience Suicidal thoughts and desires due to psychological problems, traumatic experiences, or temporary circumstances. These feelings are often transitory or may be helped with therapy. If suicide is made legal (and easy/painless), more people will take that option rather than pursuing other options, like seeing a doctor. I do, however, support assisted suicide, as an option, for the terminally ill.', 'The only person saying youre pathetic is you.Why do you feel that way?', 'Best of luck to you.', 'Im not sure what youre saying - are you thinking about suicide because unfortunate things are happening in your life (like the heart attack), or are you suggesting that you want to kill yourself but you delay your plan because other people die and "interrupt" you (and you dont want to add additional grief in those situations)?Your title and the rest of your post seem to conflict a bit. I guess what Im saying is, why exactly are you Suicidal?', 'Ive looked into the "overpopulation" claims. Theyre mostly overstated; most experts agree that our current population *is* sustainable. We can even add a few billion more people, with adequate planning. The true problem is distribution of resources and urban centers. We have enough agricultural and water resources to sustain a global human population of at least 9 billion. The problem: uneven access to these resources, and inefficient land use. Advocating a smaller world population is one solution - but its drastic and alarmist, in my opinion. ', 'A criminal record wont prevent you from getting a job. Some jobs, maybe. But you can find something worthwhile. The good thing about criminal records? They matter less and less over time, and you can overshadow them with accomplishments. Volunteer somewhere, get to know people at school and get fantastic recommendations from people. ', 'Social interaction is weird in high school, you just have to deal with it. You sound more normal than you may realize.', 'How old is she? Whats her family situation? Are you the only person shes opened up to regarding her Suicidal tendencies?I suggest taking her seriously, to err on the side of caution. ', 'Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Congratulations!', 'How long have you felt this way? Importantly, what motivated you to embark on this successful career (which I presume required a previous commitment to some sort of education)? How did you end up getting married, if youre so miserable and despondent? ', 'OP, you and I both know that this is not worth jumping in front of a train. Life is full of misery, but usually each instance is fleeting. As is this one. ', 'Thats a riveting post. Well written, I respect that.Youre quite vague, though. Youve taken us into your mind but you havent provided a map. What sort of help are you looking for? What is it that youre unsure of?', 'The fact that youre posting this means youre conflicted. Rightfully so. Nobody here will tell you what to do, but I think its worth mentioning that ending your life is not a solution, but rather an act of desperation when you havent yet discovered your other options.', 'Im sure anyone here would love to talk, myself included.', 'I noticed your statement about medication and feeling "normal." Why dont you give it a try - see what it may be like to feel "normal"? Whats the harm in giving it a shot? Worst case scenario: it doesnt help. At least you tried.Edit: Youre going to a psychologist anyway - why not go the extra distance and try medication?', 'Why is getting into this major so important to you? So important, that you would actually consider ending your life without it? Also, consider what you just said: you would rather die than spend another year attempting to get into this major? how can you justify that to yourself? ', '> Everyone is beneath meSocializing with the wrong crowd?', 'Seek professional help now. Otherwise you will likely ruin your victims life, the lives of your family members, and your own - when youre sent to prison. Death isnt a good option. Youre stronger than that. But youre likely not strong enough to control your sexual tendencies indefinitely. You need to accept that and take preventative measures, in consultation with a professional. ', 'You seem to touch on this, but Id like to say it explicitly: surely living is better than nothingness, nonexistence? Find what you enjoy in life, and pursue it. Maybe you just havent found it yet.', '> My father is angry that I have no plan for my life. So am I.But...you just started college. Isnt that the start of a plan for your career?', 'Wow. At least you avoided working for a company run by total assholes? Firing you for being a few minutes late (with a traffic excuse) is utter bullshit. Something else will come along. Dont give up. ', 'As someone in the medical profession, you surely realize that youre rather close to average, and many other men like you are in sexual relationships. ', 'Cant you do something to change your financial situation, long term?Also, there are many ways to enjoy life without money.', 'You still online, OP? ', 'Im sorry to hear that. I know thats not easy to deal with. I also sympathize with your Diabetes mellitus issues. My sister is a type 1 Diabetes mellitus, and I know how dangerous your experience was. It does make this more difficult. The hospital probably violated their own rules and probably some laws, too, and I hope you never experience that again. ', 'How are you doing today? Would you mind sharing some of your work? Im actually quite interested in poetry, although I dont write it myself.', 'It may sound easy to jump and just let go, but halfway down youll change your mind. Dont wait until halfway down to change your mind. Life is worth living. It may be a struggle to find out why yours is worth living, but its a rewarding struggle.', 'I agree, trying new stuff and forming relationships is a great idea. But dont push yourself to do anything this weekend. The last thing you need is Pressure, even if youre trying to do yourself a favor. I suggest breaking your routine, but without any expectations (dont set out simply to meet new people, for instance - although that would be a nice result). Do you like the outdoors? Maybe go hiking or something. Do you like animals? Volunteering at an animal shelter could be both rewarding and enable you to meet people. In fact, Im a big advocate of volunteering in general, for whatever cause matters to you. You could even do something entirely out of character that youve wanted to do. Go rafting, or skydiving, or make the drive to somewhere youve wanted to visit. You know yourself better than anyone. Make this a weekend to remember.', 'How long have you felt this way? Did something trigger it? Is it a cycle - do you feel this way at times, but not at other times? ', 'You should tell us a bit about why you might feel this way? ', 'Why dont you enforce the court order to see your kids? You should live to see them grow up, at the Tired least.', 'I think you should share that with your psychiatrist, but I also think you should be practical and make sure your terrible experience is not repeated. Do you have people in your life that could check in on you frequently if you are returned to a psychiatric facility? I would also share that concern with your psychiatrist, if you do mention your Suicidal feelings. Fear of mistreatment by a medical facility should never be an issue. Its unacceptable.', 'Have you tried accepting how you feel about social interaction, instead of conforming to the majority expectation? Dont feel pressured to join social organizations if youre not a social person. Its like not joining a football team if you dislike, or are not good at, football. There are better ways to meet friends. Also, Im willing to bet your existence in this world is just as valuable as anyone elses, however you choose to measure it.', 'I noticed returning to therapy isnt an option, financially. What do you enjoy in life? There must be something. I think thats a good starting point, if were going to look for options.Edit: going to sleep, 4:30am here in California. Ill check back.', 'He has free will, and he chose to do it, even if you tried to convince him. It was ultimately his choice. Dont feel so bad.', 'if you would like to try talking to someone on here, Im sure we would all like to hear from you, myself included.', 'What do you do (work, school, ...)? What is a typical day for you, and what bothers you most about the people with whom you interact on a daily basis? ', 'Id be completely willing to let you take my couch, until youre employed. Of course, I dont even know which country you live in, so that may not be practical.', '> It sucks because my parents deserve to see their son have kidsYour parents deserve to see their son find happiness. Dont worry about the kids thing. Youre 17? You probably wont have kids for many more years anyway... dont even think about it right now, its a "distant future" sort of thing.> I would rather just be happy with myself and have close friends, and maybe a dedicated job that would consume most of my time and help people..Sounds good to me. Go for it. Do what makes you happy. If you dont know what makes you happy, try stuff. And on the "adulthood" thing, were all trying to figure it out. Theres no barrier where you cross from childhood to adulthood. You sort of just become an adult when you turn a certain age. Im 23, and in many ways I dont feel any different than I did at 17. Life is truly a learning experience, and its alright if you feel like youre constantly trying to figure stuff out. ', '> EDIT; Fags as in cigarettes, Im british!yes - "pack of fags" carries a **Tired** different meaning in the states. Thanks for the laugh. Im also 23. Ive also been heartbroken. Sure, its tough. I wont downplay that. I think the most important thing you said was your acknowledgment that you suffer depression. Maybe youre Depression for legitimate, real reasons. But it is also clouding your perception of your own life. For instance, I am willing to bet your friends and family do not consider you a burden. Im also willing to bet that your life can turn around and improve. "This life means nothing." So, why not make it mean something?', '>I just want to fucking be happy. For once. This is a throwaway. I bought a gun Boy. That escalated quickly. Lets slow down for a minute and talk about this. I doubt you lack empathy, and its alright to be selfish (we all are). But it actually doesnt sound like youre selfish, if youre attempting to help your girlfriend handle her problems - even if you believe its a lost cause.Can you please explain why you are considering ending your life? It sounds like youre in a challenging relationship, and maybe youre unsatisfied with your current friend situation. But let me assure you, those are not good reasons to end everything. And dont feel alone. You may never meet any of us in person, but a lot of us on this subreddit genuinely care about the people who post asking for help.', 'What stage are you in litigation for your criminal charge? (have you just been charged, has the trial been scheduled, etc.)', 'Can you elaborate a bit on why you think everything is "pointless nonsense"? Is it a personal variation of the typical "whats the meaning of life" debate? ', 'Are you studying something that could lead to an enjoyable career? What about your free time - do you play any sports, are you into gaming, music? There are lots of benefits to living. ', 'Haha. I agree, but Im not considering killing myself. Please elaborate.', 'It sounds like youre level-headed and handling the situation really well. Are you having so much trouble because youre beginning to believe what he said may be true? I ask because sometimes a person, like your ex, can choose something that is loosely true and then twist it into something awful and untrue. And when you think about it, you may think, "hes an asshole, but maybe he has a point." Thats abusive, and hurtful, and can be difficult to get over. Its important to realize that his opinions and statements were totally meant to get a response from you, in a psychologically abusive way. This may not be what youre dealing with, but it is common, and a smart, rational person like you should be able to realize that he should just be forgotten. ', 'Youre 18 and headed to college. If you truly want, you can leave your current life behind - not by killing yourself, but by entering adulthood and planning a future which you can appreciate and which makes you happy. Your life is about to change, for the better. Hang in there until fall. ', 'When was the last time you didnt feel Suicidal?', 'It sounds like youre trying to make yourself happy by doing what makes other people happy. Maybe you should change up your routine, re-evaluate your life, and ask yourself what may actually make you happy.', 'PM me of youd like to talk. I just went through a Tired similar breakup. Im still dealing with it myself.', 'Why worry about how other people perceive your features - just be yourself instead? Either through transitioning or not - there are people who will accept and respect you. It sounds like youre seeing yourself through other peoples eyes. ', 'Wrong is subjective. Nobody is "wrong"', 'Ive decided that the average person is quite stupid, and I would also argue that my morals are superior to those of others. I think I know how you feel. But humanity has its bright spots. ', '> I graduated> my boyfriend. Hes wonderful and I love him so muchYou have a couple of really awesome things going for you. Dont let your financial troubles overshadow the things that really matter in life. Besides, things will get better. You have a degree, you have job experience (of some kind), and you anticipate getting a graduate degree. I bet in 5 years your life will be completely different - for the better. You just need to overcome some challenges first. And really, dont compare yourself to others. Your boyfriends coworker has a new car? who cares. Im in my second year of law school - Im 24 years old, with a college degree - and I drive the same crappy 1996 Accord that my parents bought for me in high school because it still runs and I wont have a "real" job (or paycheck) until I get my J.D. I learned long ago to stop comparing my possessions to the possessions of others because it really doesnt matter. ']

Supportive

user-419

[':D I Hyperactive behavior you too haha I love Joanna newsom so much, her music has been there for me in rough times so much ', 'No. I bet youre also a survivor', ':/', 'Ahh. I dont know how to edit but I wanted to Attention Deficit Disorder that I have been known to impulsively do things such as spend money when I do or dont have it, get my hair chopped off TODAY. I regret a lot of things I do but get used to it because it happens a lot. I used to be really reckless, I would drink whatever smoke whatever and Hypersomnia with whoever. Lovely, right? Could be a bad coping skill but I did it all habitually. ', "Fuck you. It's a feeling. I feel destructive I don't know why. I don't care if it kills me. If 40 xanax wouldn't then I'll just drink and I'm not going to call an ambulance or ask anyone here to so stop being a dick", 'Fuck. I am so sorry. God damnit. ', 'Yep again I said this was not for an overdose. I know I said that but I meant taking well over my prescribed dose. ', 'You have to figure that out for yourself. I can tell you a bunch of cookie cutter reasons but it wont Irritable Mood as much as reasons you have for yourself. Plus you just need the means. If you cant talk yourself out of negativity how will you ever enjoy anything that life has to offer. You just have to fight this, thats all. This is just a dark moment in your life. Youll pull through. ', 'How old are you?', 'Thanks. It helped I guess. ', 'Are you okay?', 'Better than a dead man', ':(. I see. Well hopefully itll just be fines and what not. Yeah those are just general practitioners downstairs in the emergency room they dont know much about mental health or how to treat people with those problems. They just know how to put bandaids on. I want you to get well. I dont want you to be dead ', 'I dont know what to say. :(. That really is heartbreaking. I cant believe they drove you back to the hotel instead of parents house or something. Wtfffffff. :(. ', 'How much do you take?', "There's isn't anything for oxytocin specifically right now but you can take something Hyperactive behavior rispiridal for Paranoia thoughts if it's bad ", "Exactly. I know I'm not alone but that's how it feels. There's always that Anxiety Mental Depression because I don't want to say or feel the wrong way which results in me sometimes not saying or feeling anything, or just trying to match whoever I'm talking too", "I just woke up so Ill do yesterday\n*resisted Depressed mood myself\n*reached out to friends and family\n*got up and did things. I went to the library for a bit even though I didn't want to get out it bed. \nAs for dbt I used mindfulness, building mastery and maintaining relationships. \nI just started dbt so I don't know a lot of skills yet", 'Thats how my family is too. My dad yelled at me when he found out I self harmed. And he threatened to take away the insurance and car and everything else if I admitted myself to a psych ward. That was in October. I told my family I was going up north for a week or two and wouldnt have phone service. So you know. You just have you look out for yourself. If they think Hyperactive behavior that, maybe they just dont fucking get it. And I know how frustrating that is. But you can get treatment for you. Dont even Anxiety about them. I know its hard. I know humans suck. I know it. I know I know. But its okay. Good people still exist I promise. Good experiences are still ahead of you too', 'Take care of yourself', 'Er... Idk I cant promise youll be having parties on the psych ward in your city. But you know what I was trying to say. ', 'Suicidal thoughts is dangerous and they take them seriously. Theyre not going to treat you Hyperactive behavior your arm got cut off but they still take care of you. So am I unfortunately. But you have to be honest. You cant let the demons win. I know it seems nearly impossible. But its not ', 'Im still here dont Anxiety', ':(. I see. Well hopefully itll just be fines and what not. Yeah those are just general practitioners downstairs in the emergency room they dont know much about mental health or how to treat people with those problems. They just know how to put bandaids on. ', 'Im not religious but Im praying that they do. And the hospital isnt the only option, there are day programs and other things. Help is out there. And I want to talk to you more. Youre gonna come out on the other side I hope. I dont support this at all but Im writing your name down. Thats fucking stupid what that person said. People have said stuff Hyperactive behavior that to me before too. My dad said hed buy me a gun if id Hyperactive behavior. But you just cant listen to people Hyperactive behavior that. We can keep talking if you want to. Im here to listen', 'Dont!!! It is depressing but dont run from it. Im fucking begging you. Why would you go to jail? Do you have warrants out? You cant go to jail for being suicidal', 'I never made any Suicide threats. ', 'But they wont know that youre having fun. They dont know what its Hyperactive behavior in there. They just think its a hospital. For Nausea people who are trying to get better. They might understand a little you know? Or support you ', "I'm sorry they said that :( if you need someone to talk to I'm here ", 'What does 3 or 4 shots from the hanging Irritable Mood?', 'Write my number down', 'Are you okay? Ive been wondering whats going on. I hope everything turns out okay. Make sure you tell them the truth. Please ', 'Pstt so does you from the future. Honestly. If I was having this conversation with myself 3 weeks ago Id be Hyperactive behavior no, no its not. Shut up. Let me die. And I know its hard but youre a fighter and you can make it through this ', 'No I dont know you. But youre suffering too. Youre human. Ill never know you. But it still hurts. Im sorry. Im not going to bullshit you. But I wish you would try ', 'I just want you to live', 'What happened?', 'Hey I think you want the demons to stop as much as I do. But that doesnt Irritable Mood you have to stop living. No one wants that to happen. So really I want you to go to the hospital and ask for help right now. Do you have a car? If you dont or if you cant drive call 911. Call a few people and tell them briefly whats going on. Youre having a very tough time and need to go where youll be safe for awhile. If you need to you can message me anytime for any reason', 'It doesnt matter what I want. Im here to try to help in an honest way. Im having passive suicidal thoughts tonight, thats how I ended up on this subreddit. I set the date to kill myself on feb 15th but I ended in the psych hospital and Im getting better. I want you to get better too. :/. ', 'Fuck. What are they for? ', 'Its just protocol I think. When I went they put a tracking band on me for no reason. But I dont know. Try not to Anxiety about that. Think about whats going on right now ', 'How did I make them easier? :(', 'Youve never been so you dont know. Yes they do over medicate people and its sad but sometimes its an accident and the adjust it accordingly but most of the time the people NEED it youre not Violent and you wouldnt be restrained or anything. You might be perscribed Zoloft and a mood stabilizer and maybe something for Anxiety Mental Depression and maybe even something for Hypersomnia but thats optional. You work with your doctors too. Its a team effort. You go to group therapy. But youre right, most of the work is done out of the hospital and theyll help set you up with a psychiatrist and a therapist if you dont already have one ', 'Okay.', 'Please just stop and reconsider the other possibilities dont do it', 'Dont drink more :(', 'Theres still a future past the horizon. Maybe youll have to walk through some shit to get to it but itll be worth it because youll be happy', 'You dont have to have visitors if you dont want. And it is a first step and it will take work but I dontt think youll be in therapy forever or anything and youre not going to feel Hyperactive behavior this forever. Please stay. ', "I'm sorry for what I said. I seriously don't remember posting any of that. Idk why I was so hostile. ", 'You dont have to have visitors if you dont want. And it is a first step and it will take work but I dontt think youll be in therapy forever or anything and youre not going to feel Hyperactive behavior this forever. Please stay', 'Im sorry I couldnt convince to not do this to yourself :(. It was me that called the police. ', 'No. My psychiatrist an therapist have been pushing it for awhile but i dont have time for it with school and work', 'Can I ask what brought you to the hotel? Why are going to end your life? Its okay if you dont want to answer ', "Oh hey thanks! That's great advice :)", 'Please seek help :(. The human brain is incredible. It can change and adapt', "I Irritable Mood it's cool they're looking further into BPD Hyperactive behavior this but it seems Hyperactive behavior such an obvious study. I think all it accomplishes is showing that people with BPD have actual chemical differences than others. oxytocin is a chemical that helps with love and trust. I don't know about you but I have clear trust issues because of my trauma, traumas that basically caused this whole BPD mess. And if you don't trust people over and over it changes your brain and the chemicals that fire. I don't think we're just born with oxytocin deficiency I think it's just an accumulation of how our lives have gone", 'What does? The hospital I was at was actually kinda fun. We had pet therapy, yoga and music therapy. And I met amazing people. If youre talking about Hyperactive behavior therApy and stuff afterwards... It doesnt define you! You go once a week or whatever for half an hour and talk about whateer and move on and do something else', 'Listen. Im hearing a lot of Anxiety Mental Depression. You remind me of me. A lot of the things you say remind me of me. What you need is to just stop and stay at the hospital. Theyre not going to take you to jail. Just let the doctors take care of it and get yourself better okay? If not for you for your family and your friends? Please. This is the right choice I promise you ', 'Absolutely haha :)', 'That doesnt Irritable Mood you shouldve lied :(', 'You there?', 'Im sorry that they were Depressed mood :(. But listen Im going to bed soon. You should get some rest too, okay? Its been a long night', 'So its not really doing anything for you? Thats why I switched to it. I was on topamax. Another anticonvulsant but it wasnt doing anything :/', 'I dont want to feel bad :(', 'Edit: sorry. Projecting. ', 'Girl Interrupted, I believe ', 'I cant believe they brought you back', 'Youll make it through a stronger person. As cheesy as that sounds I Irritable Mood it. ', 'I didnt get it :( ugh. Its because youre out if the country. Damnit. You can message me if you need to', 'I dont feel guilty. Im just worried and concerned ', 'Yeah Im having a hard time falling Somnolence tonight too. I wanna get up and do stuff but I have work tomorrow. ', 'Youve never been so you dont know. Yes they do over medicate people and its sad but sometimes its an accident and the adjust it accordingly but most of the time the people NEED it youre not Violent and you wouldnt be restrained or anything. You might be perscribed Zoloft and a mood stabilizer and maybe something for Anxiety Mental Depression and maybe even something for Hypersomnia but thats optional. You work with your doctors too. Its a team effort. You go to group therapy. But youre right, most of the work is done out of the hospital ', 'Er... Idk I cant promise youll be having parties on the psych ward near you lol. But you know what I was trying to say. [edit] and hey maybe thats part of your treatment. Just worrying about you in the moment instead of family and friends on the outside. Maybe its where you need to be. It might be good for you ', 'How do I become one?']

Behavior

user-80

['That feel bro.Things are going to get better for you, you seem to be Tired bright young man. I really like how you formatted those paragraphs.Some day I believe you will enjoy your life. Please try and stick it out', 'Then Im your man =]I play on NA- Im tincannabiscuits, if it goes by player name then I am Menisz', 'I play league of legends also. I wish the playerbase wasnt so toxic', 'I know you seem hopeless. I believe one day you will find something that makes your life worth it. ', 'I hear that your brain is still functioning even when you are dead..So you will be alive for how ever long and most likely be Tired confused']

Supportive

user-205

['alcohol CAN do it if I am not cautious.certain friends who have similar outlooks and standards can make me feel less alone, more outgoing and cocky.stupid people (having to chat or be in a group of douchebags, red staters, "true believers", people without curiosity, etc). These trigger Feeling Feeling irritable and eventually Feeling angry which shoots me off from my almost constant Depression state and spiraling toward hypo mania/mixed state.Thank someone for haldol. That is my emergency brake to keep me from messing up.', 'Yes. One, my wife. Two, my parents. Three, a few teens that I have worked with and brought them back from the point of suicide. If I killed myself (which seems realistic and comforting) I know that those people would feel sad and I might undo my work with the kids. So, basically, guilt keeps me faking it day by day.', 'Thank you for your observations. Life has been Tired tough. I constantly feel as though, while I can paste a smile on my face and fake it for a short time, I am pushed around by feelings of duty, guilt, obligation. Even when I am having a "good" or fun time, I am not at all happy and when it ends it makes even more sense to just be done with it all. The only thing I have going for me is a beautiful, strong, funny, compassionate and intelligent wife. I only work part-time, here and there, because it is all I can take. She works 60+ hours a Asthenia to take care of our needs. I am fortunate. While I know that suicide is a perfectly reasonable action when your quality of life hits a certain consistent low, letting my wife down is the ONLY reason I havent killed myself yet. She knows that. My Bipolar disorder is treatment resistent. I am on several anti-psychotics, two benzos, adderall and ketamine. And, things just dont get better. I turn 44 in 25 days. I dont want to keep living my life this way. ', 'Give the stooges a try. Search and Destroy. I want To Be Your Dog. 1969. Gimme Danger. ', 'This has been my desktop picture on and off for about a year now. I really think it is an accurate vibe for the fits and starts of my life.', 'Sing me to sleepSing me to sleepAnd then leave me alone"Dont try to wake me in the morningCause I will be goneDont feel bad for meI want you to knowDeep in the cell of my heartI will feel so glad to go"The Smiths(I agree)', 'Stability is a place bipolar people visit. None of us actually live there. Things can seem OK or normal, but its just a phase of the ride up or down.', 'http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/05/31/ketamine-relieves-bipolar-depression-Suicidal-thoughts-in-less-than-an-hour/39472.htmleven more recognition for the possible efficacy of Ketamine in treating Bipolar disorder disorder', '1200 mg Seroquel6 mg xanax5 mg haldol60 mg adderall6 mg klonopin25 mg ketamineand others rotated in and out to see if we can get me to back off further from the precipice and others we', 'Well, I already have post-concussive syndrome so, my memory isnt the sharpest. But, ECT (three years ago) totally wiped out eight months of my life. I recall Tired little. I think it even made it harder for me to access older memories. ECT didnt help me with my mood issues, but it left quite a mental mark.', 'http://luxperci.com/ketamine-illegal-hallucinogenic-bipolar-drug/some more positive information here', 'every single moment that i am with or around people i paste a happy face on... and it kills me just a little bit more', 'http://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_rapidcycle.htm', 'Bipolar 1 (rapid cycling and tending toward the dark side), ADD, GAD, PTSD and EBV to top things off.', 'Mixed mood describes me, as well. Most of the time anyway. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon.I have tried, over the last 10 years pretty much every anti-depressant and anti-psychotic out there. Lithium helps my moods, but messes up my stomach up so much that it isnt a good choice for me.ECT didnt help me at all. All it did for me was ruin my memory. I lost the memory of virtually six months of my life while I was in treatment and since then I have difficulty with short term memory and cognition. That is almost two years ago now that I tried that. I have tried everything you mentioned. I recently changed some dietary habits and started to exercise. I have lost about 20 pounds in six months. But, it just makes my clothes fit different. It hasnt helped my moods or my thoughts of suicide.Thanks for your input, though. I appreciate hearing from you. I hope you continue to improve.', 'In addition to bipolar one (basically treatment resistant), ADD, PTSD and post-concussive syndrome I have a rotten memory. Not just poor cognition and awful short term memory, but there are large gaps in my memory from all parts of my life (I am 45 now). It is frustrating and makes day to day life, work and relationships complicated.', 'Is anyone else here using Ketamine as a treatment for BPD? I have been receiving infusions, taking an oral dose daily and now using an atomizer to blow it into my nasal cavity. I am on roughly 5mL daily (prescribed and used off-label). So, I am under a doctors care and not buying this off the street. I think that it has helped to a certain degree. It definitely pulled me back from stepping off the cliff just enough to function. What has your experience been?', 'dead...or, maybe...left to myself (with a friend or two) to investigate, imagine and project my minds fits and starts, Feeling angry and sadness, high definition and hi-fi stereo sensory intake as i see fit, with or without alcohol or other "drugs". Probably with many (legal and semi-legal) additives. I would go, on foot, to many avenues of experience yet not travailed. I want to go through life, not just be a part of it. and when i have had enough... simple - .38 in the mouth as a maniacal and undeniable proof that the pills and beers in me at that point would leave me "at peace". Nothing else matters, at that point.', 'At first I was only receiving the infusion. Basically, the infusion is 2mL of Ketamine delivered intravenously with a simple saline solution. The entire process is under observation and take 90 - 120 minute for the complete session. It is a disassociative (like LSD) so I get pretty weirded out. I have to have someone drive me home. On my personal mood scale (1 - Suicidal -10 manic) I am content if I can be in the four to six range. Its not great but, it is better than the 1 to 3 range I am often in. Post-infusion, for a Asthenia or so, I am in the mid-range. I slowly go back to the lower end of the scale. Slowly the dosage was Fatigue (I am at the 2mL now) to where the positive effect of the infusion went from every Asthenia to every other Asthenia to every three. Then we decided to give a daily oral dose of 5mL (only about 15 - 20% absorption rate) and that wasnt awesome, but keeping me around a four. Recently we went to about 2mL a day administering the Ketamine through an atomizer into the nasal cavity (up my nose) where the absorption rate is thought to be closer to 50%. Along with the Seroquel (which I take at a Tired high dosage) I am fluctuating between 3 and 5 on my mood scale) depending on the day and the time of day. Ketamine is experimental. You may have a difficult time finding a doctor who is adventurous enough to prescribe it off-label for BPD. Also, your insurance company wont pay for it. However, if you can get the prescription a compund-pharmacy should be able to get a 10mL bottle for between 6 and 8 dollars per bottle. Please dont buy it illegally or experiment with it. I think that you could really mess yourself up.', 'Learn to leverage it. Depression sucks, but as soon as you make it your default setting it gets much easier.', 'I write poems and short stories. Most of the short stories are really at the childrens book level. The poetry can go on and on as I just follow my flow of thoughts. I occasionally draw what I imagine is happening in my head between my mind, my brain and my emotions.I keep precious little of what I write or draw. Mostly I burn or shred what I have worked on (sometimes for many hours) as I find it cathartic and freeing to kill it all away. That which I keep is only for me and I keep it hidden away. Been following this model since I was about 10 or so. I am 45 now. It works for me.', 'I am on 1200mg a night. Not only do I sleep, but I feel myself standing back just a little bit further of the cliff from which I want to hurl myself.', 'I do not have bipolar, I am bipolar. I always have been. It is who I am. Its not the best life, but I wouldnt give it up. I wouldnt change who I am.', 'While other meds have drifted in and out of my treatment Seroquel has been the one constant. I credit Seroquel with saving my life. I have not experienced any negative side effects. I wish that it worked as well for others as it has for me.', 'I am a kind, relatively intelligent, funny and people feel at ease around me. However, I keep anyone who would be a friend at arms length. I am not Tired connected to my family. I do volunteer and work with some teens who are messed up with depression, self-injury and sometimes more severe emotional/mental issues. I have a lot of success with them, but I bear each of their burdens as it were my own. I dont want them to Pain and live like I have lived, but I am nearing the point of having no more room to care. I should feel good about being able to help this way but it makes me Numbness and Illness to my stomach. I guess that they are another reason that I havent finished myself off yet. I dont want any good I have done to be undone by my actions. In any case, with life (pain, darkness, guilt, self-loathing, a brain that wont shut down, failure, hypocrisy, scars of every sort, apathy, tears, frustration, Feeling angry and shit) I am pretty much done. I have the method. I have rehearsed. All I am missing is the date. Everyone would move on without me and be just fine. Of that, I am certain. ', 'Never better said.', 'For several decades now I have had those fleeting (at times, lingering) thoughts that being dead/killing myself on a regular ongoing basis. I dont intentionally conjure up those thoughts, words or pictures. They just come. In a sad way Suicidal ideation is my constant companion. I am 45 now. I have the means to kill myself. I have rehearsed suicide. I have written innumerable suicide/goodbye notes. The only reason the ideation has not become reality is that I take my meds. The only reason I take my meds is so that I dont let my wife or daughter down. I live with the ugly and unbidden thoughts, words and images of suicide everyday. I dont know if this helps or is useless blah blah blah, but there it is.', 'I agree with agreeing about NOT pushing the button. I dont want to be "normal" and live a "regular" life. The ups and downs are who I am. I have an amazing wife, good friends, enough money and perspective. Although there are days where I know that I can fly and others where I wish I would die, I will keep what I have. I am at peace with the fact that I am broken, but I also know that I am unique and special.', 'usually the Ramones ']

Behavior

user-34

['I am battling Depression with Suicidal and self harm thoughts and I have not told a single soul yet. And I cant bring myself to say it or verbalize it in any way.', 'I hyperventilate myself voluntarily when gets so bad that it feels like the Pain is eating away my Tired soul. I put my body into the fight or flight and it removes a decent amount of the anguish for a time. Its nice to be able to have a break if I need it.', 'Your life situation is almost identical to mine except I deferred from collage twice and we cant get guns where I live. I plan on seeing a physiatrist for the first time in 3 days just to see what kind of care I can get, but I hold little hope because our health care is really bad here. When I went to the place the first time I told them I was afraid I have schizophrenia because I was too afraid to tell the nurse I was feeling Depression and Suicidal.I think you should at least give a therapist or a psychiatrist a chance first before you proceed with your plan.Nobody in the entire world right now knows how Depression and Suicidal I feel right now and only 1 or 2 people know Im seeing a psychiatrist. I also lied about why Im seeing one to the people that know. Between now and then Ive been writing a journal about what I feel right now and make a time stamp in the journal no matter what it is because Ill probably get Feeling nervous and forget everything when I walk into the psychiatrist office. ', 'I Fear I might get rejected, judged or abandoned if I bring up a topic like this.']

Behavior

user-263

['Talking is good. Ive been reading your comments here, they seem pretty helpful :) Sorry youre still having a rough time. Im glad the meds are helping a bit though. And your therapist is right I think, thoughts are just thoughts. Maybe you cant prevent them from coming into your head, but you can work on ignoring them and not giving them the attention they want. This is kind of what mindfulness targets.Stay safe. I Hyperactive behavior your positive paragraph, glad you can see some good :). Id eat some ice cream if I were you. ', 'Is there anyone in your life you can trust and talk to? Sorry for the late reply. ', 'Thank you! ', 'Sorry. I get what you Irritable Mood by being a burden. I feel the same way. Im sure your friends have reassured you that youre not though. It takes time to get over someone and move on. But you have to give yourself the chance. ', 'Yeah. Its hard. What do you do? I just sleep. Ive been so bored today... I dont have anything to work on or any hobbies or anything Hyperactive behavior that. Cutting would help to fill the boredom. Oh well. ', 'Hey. Thanks for the reply. Im sure they would but Im too scared, I guess I want someone I know. Ill probably call one day... thanks again. ', 'Please eat. Ive done this a few times (not for nearly as long). Not eating is only going to make you feel worse. Have something small, or go out for food. I dont know.Sorry about all the duplicate comments haha... I dont know how that happened. ', 'Happens here too. Sometimes I want to slash myself up but I never do more than a few cuts. I guess its a good thing. Im too scared. ', 'Well I guess Im glad you have to put it off. Please seek help in the meantime. Im sorry I was unhelpful. ', 'Oh. Try to put it off for as long as you can. And good luck with school. Why are you staying so late? ', 'I hope you get one. What kind of job are you looking for? ', 'How about you go and find out? You dont need to tell them youre suicidal unless you want to. If you know it isnt youre Anxiety Mental Depression causing this stuff, tell them that. Help them narrow down what it could be. It seems you want help with your physical health first, because thats what is causing all the rest, and thats fine. You can go to the hospital. Tell them the truth, and get medical help. Maybe they will put you on antidepressants, but they wont ignore your physical ailments. You dont need to be afraid. Im glad youre willing to go to the hospital. Its a good step. Good luck. ', 'You know, its a good thing youre bad at that. It hurts to have yet another failure, I understand that. But Im glad youre still around. Whats going on? If you want to just chat, Ill talk with you. ', 'This is a pretty good explanation. I always imagine more cuts will give me a better release but by the time I do it, a few is enough. ', 'I dont mind (unless you somehow know me...). Its programming/software development. ', 'No not long at all. Can you talk to your parents about things? Why is she kicking you out after youve helped so much. Sorry things are going poorly. Please eat!', 'What program are you in? Im assuming youre in university/college. ', 'Nice. I would go for a walk, but theyre so boring alone. I should at least give it a shot. ', 'Wow. I think she overstepped her bounds. Having hardly met you... its alright to tell her shes pressuring you. If she really wants to help she should respect that. Im sorry this happened, sounds rough. Let her keep tabs on you, but be honest and tell her youre feeling pressured. ', 'Please dont friend. Well you may have already done it by now... but I hope not. :( I dont know what to tell you. Getting drunk isnt that great. ', 'Thank you! Im glad youre giving it a shot. Mention how youre feeling please. Theyll give you priority!', 'Im not sure. I dont really understand how everyone feels so good after. I guess I mostly feel relieved. Like exhaling a really deep breath. So I Irritable Mood, it feels good. But not Hyperactive behavior a high. ', 'Good luck! Let us know how it goes! ', 'Hey thanks. I hope I did... but I spent no time studying. Why? Because Im an idiot with horrible priorities. And my backlog of homework was too much. ', 'Hey. Pretty much feel the exact same way as you (with the Tylenol and such). Please reach out to someone. Even just a friend. Thats what I did. I hope youre alright. ', 'I dont think talking about getting over that would even be allowed here. Youre right its possible. But that instinct exists for a reason. I want to kill myself too. My family and my friends missing me has no impact on that for me either.But anyway... Im glad youre still here. It would suck to be forced into therapy, and thats avoidable by either willingly going, or finding another support. What do you Irritable Mood by lying to yourself about lifes problems? Whats gotten you to this point? Im glad you have hope things might change, thats important. Please keep that hope. ', 'Thats good, Im glad to hear back from you. ', ':s its hard. I dont get it at all. Im doing so much better than a few weeks ago. But I still want to cut. I even dream about it. Its so sucky. I hope youre alright. ', 'Im sorry. That sucks and sounds Hyperactive behavior a hard situation. Heres the thing: they dont want you gone. Their threat of military school sounds Hyperactive behavior (a really poor attempt) at helping you out. They dont want you gone from the planet, I know that. Im sorry they would preach to you. Maybe you could just mention that you need REAL help, and not from them necessarily but youd appreciate them helping you find it. Military school doesnt sound Hyperactive behavior a good solution, but there are things that can help. I selfharm too, its stupid and sucky and I keep it from my parents. But when youre on the edge you need to try everything first. I dont know. I dont know what you should say to your parents that would help YOU the most. But there has to be something. Maybe for tonight you could just go to the emergency room and say how youre feeling. I dont know if thats possible for you but its an alternative to telling your parents and its a way better option than killing yourself. Please hang in there. No one will be better with you gone. I know how youre feeling, I feel the same way often. But I know deep down its not true. It cant possibly be true. I hope you know that too. ', 'Thanks. I took it throughout school so Id say I know a bunch. Not well enough to speak it (mostly not confident). Anyway, Ill pm you for sure. Today was much better. And it isnt so much being in France, except for the lack of support I suppose. ', 'Sorry, see my other comment. I make sure theyre clean and such. I just dont see the point in doing anything extra. ', 'Its been removed or deleted. But the commenters all said you werent ugly. Im sure theyre right. And the counsellors arent there just to make money. Otherwise why would I be talking to you know. Im not getting paid :) People care. ', 'Hey thanks for the reply. I understand that, but how does my brain know to jump to Depressed mood itself to feel better. I dont even know, my question doesnt make much sense to even me. Basically boils down to WHHHYY', 'Hey, I saw your comment on the other post. Im sorry things are so bad for you right now. What if you just try telling your parents about your struggles? You dont need to lay it all out at once, but please make an attempt. If its too hard to say maybe write it down or email them or something. I know they expect a lot of you, but theyd rather you not meet those expectations than be dead. I also think youre being much harder on yourself than theyd ever be. But youll never know if you dont try talking. Please give it another day. Or even just first make an attempt at letting your parents know. I know it wont make things better. But you have nothing to lose at this point, trying to get help (even by making this post) is worth a shot. I hope youre alright OP. ', 'Why dont you truly need help. ', 'What kind of person does that? Im sorry youve relapsed. Recovery is a long process though. You didnt ruin anything, youre still recovering. Slip ups are part of that. Its alright, just get up again and keep going. ', 'Thank you. ', 'Hey, same thing happens to me. I dont get why people would be my friend, so I ask. Or dont talk to them for a long time. Then they get Anger :( then I think "we really shouldnt be friends, Im awful". I dont know the solution. I have no one to talk to either and I feel sad as well. Its good you dont think youll kill yourself, but the thoughts are pretty scary. Sucks man. ', 'Awesome Im glad things went well! And no problem. ', 'Well, Ill tell you this: youre not a burden. Even if you were, people would prefer you to be alive than dead. Theres nothing you could do where the appropriate response (as punishment or whatever) would be to kill yourself. Im sorry things arent working out right now. Anything specific? Why do you feel Hyperactive behavior a burden exactly? By the way, I feel Hyperactive behavior a burden too. But feelings arent facts. ', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior fun. I hope things are looking up from this morning. ', 'Congrats sj. Good luck! What degree this time? ', 'Hey, whats going on?', 'Asking stuff Hyperactive behavior this is against the rules. If you really want to know you can find out other places. But I highly recommend against it. Its a bad habit to start and really hard to stop. Please talk to someone about it instead of doing it. That usually helps me. Cutting doesnt solve anything. It makes things worse. ', 'Exactly. Hard not to talk about it when its on my mind nearly always. Thank you. ', 'Im from Canada. ', 'Im so glad. Thank you for making the call, great job. ', 'That really sucks. Im sorry, youre not worthless though. And if you really werent worth her time: thats on her, not you. Theres nothing wrong with you. Do you have any hobbies? ', 'Hey man. I have spotty coverage right now so I probably wont be able to reply for awhile. Help is coming, please stick around. I know you said you dont have anybody, but please try to reach out. Go to the doctor or hospital. Theyll find you help. From there you can piece things together and get to a point where you want to live. If youre sure about your decision, at least before you go, could you give a little more details about your situation? Just to chat. Im sure others will comment here soon too.', 'Well Ive been eating a lot of chocolate if that counts. I dont know. It is something to be wary of, you dont want to replace one bad habit with another. ', 'Like I said, it takes time. Maybe even a long time. Dont beat yourself up. Im sorry she moved on so fast. Dont let her actions decide whether youre loved or wanted. Things didnt work out with her, but you are still loved. You are still wanted. And the time you spent with her wasnt a waste. It isnt fair I agree, its hard and stupid. But you can do it. Youve made it from January to now, you can keep going. ', 'Well... seems Hyperactive behavior a bad meal if you ask me. Whats up? Whats gotten you to this point? ', 'Nice, sounds fun! Good luck with it all. Whats school psychology? ', 'Hey, I have a similar thing. I imagine things that I want to create by painting or drawing or whatever. But Im horrible at all art... I have the ideas but not the skill (or patience to learn). You can still create things though! I enjoy programming and try to use that to build/contribute what I Hyperactive behavior to pretend is art. Anyway, theres probably something Hyperactive behavior that for you too. I dont have any advice sadly, but theres no such thing as a worthwhile life. (in the sense that some are more valuable or worth more than others.) whatever you do or can do is enough. ', 'Oh. Thats what I thought :/ caring for them Hyperactive behavior that though is too expensive/hard. Especially if they hardly bleed. ', 'Yeah, I know what you Irritable Mood. I told a friend awhile back that I wish she could see herself how I saw her. And that I wish I could see myself how everyone else saw me. It sucks that its much easier to see the good in others, but I guess it shows youre caring. I know its hard, but looking out for yourself is really important. How many do you have? What are Hyperactive behavior to have as pets? And honestly, that sounds Hyperactive behavior a good reason not to kill yourself. Stick around for their sake, and keep trying with everything else. I dont have any pets but from what I hear they make good companions. They need you, and you probably need them. Are you getting any help with how youre feeling? Have you talked to anyone (besides the internet)?', '2 years ago I decided the same thing. No idea why I chose 25... no strings attached either, I Im almost certain Ill end up killing myself by then. I also feel fine right now, I dont know. Ill probably never mention it to any professional myself. It would probably be a good idea to though. So I suppose the same applies for you. I Hyperactive behavior what /u/ruthluss said, its an unresolved issue even though youre feeling okay right now. I know for me its unresolved. I dont have any advice sadly, but I think I know exactly how you feel. I hope I dont kill myself before 25, but as happy as I am right now I cant imagine living more than 5 years more. I just dont want to. ', 'Im sorry. I hope youre still around, please keep trying. Make one last attempt at getting help. Everyone has treated you very poorly, thats not your fault. You dont need to die because of how youve been treated. ', 'Hey, hows it going? I saw you posting to help others out, great job. When is your appointment? Im sorry youre having such a hard time, but Ive noticed you can see the good in small things. Which is helpful. Yeah getting better immediately wont happen, but you are strong enough to get better slowly. Im glad you have your family to keep you here. I know you wish you could just die, but sticking around is a good thing, and you have a good reason to: a family that loves and needs you. ', 'Youre going through a rough time. But I know you can push through it! Im sorry you lost her. Have you talked since? You are not nothing. You were important and valuable before you met her. You are after shes gone. ', 'Oh man. Im so sorry :( 19 days sounds dangerous... whether you talk to your parents or someone else, please get help. Im sorry your mom is kicking you out. Im sure if she knew your condition (and the fact youre starving yourself) shed reconsider. ', 'Im here for a year for an internship. Are you in France? ', 'So... why are you doing this? What would get you to eat? Dont you think 5 days is long enough?', 'Wow. Same here. Its just an impossible cycle. I get up motivation to do something, then I cant because its too overwhelming. So I hate myself for failing. Then I hate myself more for not trying etc. ', 'You seem likeable to me. I know youre not crazy, and Im sorry they tried to lock you up. I dont know what to suggest to you... Im really sorry everything is going how it is for you. Why not try writing something now? Doesnt need to be big or major. I dont know. Im sorry ', 'Its alright. Thanks for the reply. Im feeling pretty good right now so Im not going to address what you said really... but Im the only one pressuring me. Thanks again. ', 'Hey. Its alright, Im doing a bit better now. ', 'Against the rules. What about parents or friends? The school counsellor? Im sorry you dont have anyone to talk to. Whats gotten you wanting to cut? ', ':( feel the same way. I do it to bleed and for the scars. I dont even do it when Im upset anymore. I wish I understood. Why do you want to feel pain?', 'Im not exactly trying to stop... I think it just makes me ugly/worthless so Im trying to avoid it. Wanting to do it and trying not to is so upsetting though... Thats all Ive done today, avoided cutting. I wish the day was over already. I wish I was asleep. I have too many wishes. ', 'Last time you posted here you said it was helpful. I hope posting again can be just as helpful. Whats going on? Edit: everything you said in this post about the rest of us applies to you too! I read through your post history, you gave others helpful advice. You told them the reasons they have to live and how much theyre worth. All of these things apply to you as well. I saw you have pet rats, whats that Hyperactive behavior? Sounds Hyperactive behavior a fun pet to have. ', 'Hi. Call 911 or something equivalent. Or get yourself to the hospital. You clearly dont want to do this, please take the steps to help yourself. I hope youre alright. ', 'If youre confused, reaching out here was a good decision. And people here are here to help you out. What did you take? I hope its not fatal. Would probably be Elevated mood to talk about things in the meantime anyway. So, whats up?', 'Sorry. I guess I didnt explain well. I dont know. Im too lazy to or I feel Hyperactive behavior it doesnt really deserve/need any attention besides making sure it isnt bleeding. Bandaids work fine. ', 'Hi welcome back. Honestly youre not ugly at all... Thats the 100% truth. You could find a girlfriend who looked Hyperactive behavior whatever you wanted. But its probably more important to find someone you Hyperactive behavior. Being confident would help, because heres another truth: you arent talentless. You deserve to see yourself better. I hope you can. Theres nothing wrong with you, and your English is great. Im sorry you feel so bad. I dont know what else to say. Im not lying to make you feel better. Im telling you the full truth because you need to hear it. You look fine. You are talented. And youre valuable. ', 'Hey, good luck! Whats it on? For me, as long as I feel good going into the test Im alright with whatever grade. Being prepared helps but so does attitude. Be confident! And good luck studying. ', 'I dont know. Not really. And no, I cant really speak it at all. Not from Quebec (I wish I was). Part of why I came here was to learn French. Thanks for the replies, Im heading to bed now. ', 'No its not a fun way to live at all. But hey, keep banging on the wall! I dont know, giving up seems so easy and Hyperactive behavior the better choice right now. But fighting issue the brave, strong choice. And I knows youre strong enough to. So please keep at it. Youve been well before Im sure. You can be well again. I dont want to say "theres no point in killing yourself" because it sounds Irritable Mood. And Id hate to hear it. But really, pushing on CAN be so much more rewarding. I dont know if it will be. I dont know if it will be for myself... but how about we find out?', 'Hey, Im so glad to hear this. I hope things went well! Good luck. ', 'What does gaping Irritable Mood exactly? ', 'You deleted that post, but from the comments I can see youre not ugly. I dont want to give you life advice and say be confident, because thats easier said than done. Your issue isnt being ugly though. Please reach out and get some help. Have you seen someone for your Anxiety Mental Depression and Mental Depression? ', 'They can theoretically. But they wont. Its alright though, dont worry. Not to talk about OP behind her/his back butIm sure they called (if they didnt they would have just stopped posting).I hope youre alright Kayce. Get back to use when you can. ', 'Hello /u/addicted7, I was just thinking about you earlier this week. Sucks about the cutting :( have things been better for you though? I Irritable Mood since your last post on reddit, things seemed pretty rough. Stay safe please, and dont stop getting help. Being afraid of getting locked up is reasonable, but you have to look out for yourself. And do whats best for you (which sadly might be against what you want). Anyway, good luck. ', 'I know exactly what you Irritable Mood... Ive been late a lot the past two weeks. I feel Hyperactive behavior cutting while at school so often, but I always try to just put it off until Im home. Which helps me Sedated state down a bit by giving it time. ', 'Doesnt sound dumb at all. I think that every weekend. I dont really have advice. What helps me is having someone to force me to get things done. I dont literally force... but you know, someone who makes sure I get it done. And helps me along the way with reminders or whatever. Try breaking things down into smaller, manageable problems. Finally, dont kill yourself if you dont finish your homework. I hope that doesnt sound too harsh, because I dont Irritable Mood it to be. Really whats the worst thing that could happen if you didnt finish your work? I am 100% sure it isnt as bad as dying. The other persons comment is probably more helpful. I guess my main point is I can relate. But I know you can continue through this Ache. Feeling Hyperactive behavior this no matter what your reason is fine, theres not a list of good reasons and bad reasons. It sucks you feel Hyperactive behavior this, and I hope you feel better. Are you getting any professional help? ', 'I didnt exactly have any realisations sadly. Just went to the hospital for a few days and at least for now Im feeling better. It would text you but last time I did that I wasted $30. PM me and Ill send you my email. ', 'Oh man. I took a class on that last semester and dropped it because... well I blame the prof. I actually just finished one on compiler construction :s I hope I did well, Hyperactive behavior I said I was confident going in. My next one on Wednesday. ', 'I feel the exact same way man. I dont know what to tell you. This life is much too hard and unfair. Literally all we can do is suck it up and continue. I dont know why. Youre not as bad as you think, I promise you that. Im sorry you feel Hyperactive behavior this. /u/cameroncac is right, you (and myself as well) have to push through. :( ', 'Good plan with programming. Python and C are my favourite languages. My next one is Tuesday :/', 'Hey, how did the test go? Im sure you did great', 'Hey... please stick around. Youve been fighting so hard. You CAN keep doing that. I believe in you. Talk to someone before you do anything. Im sorry. ', 'Hey Emily, whats up? Im sorry things have been so hard. Im glad you posted though and I hope the people here can help. Whats on your mind? Youre not a joke to me. ', 'Why? Im sure you could get something set up even for today. Youre in college, they probably have free walkin counselling services there. That would be a good start. ', 'Dont be so hard on yourself please. Like I said, theres nothing wrong with you. I dont know why she broke up with you, but thats her mistake. You can continue life and pick things back up again even without her. When did you drop out?', 'Software Engineering then two more compsci ones. I Hyperactive behavior programming. Im good at it. But this semester is going horribly wrong. I wish I could stop my downward spiral. ', 'No problem, keep at it! ', 'You know your grade already? Sorry :( hope you still pass the course. ', 'Thank you for the reply. Youre right about things, its just I really dont know what the issue is. I cant deal with life. And when the smallest thing goes wrong I let it really upset me. Its usually school related things, I feel Hyperactive behavior a failure for not completing what I know I can. ', 'I dont know why I do. I guess to cope, it helps me Sedated state down when Im feeling overwhelmed (which was pretty much always until recently). I also do it to feel in control, because when I do it, no one else can stop me and I guess feeling powerful over myself is comforting. And I sort of see it as a minisuicide. I cant kill myself but at least I can Chest Pain myself. Also I kind of Hyperactive behavior how it looks. ', 'Hey, sorry. I didnt Irritable Mood it Hyperactive behavior that. All I was trying to say was how you see yourself might not be true. All those things you listed are facts. I really didnt Irritable Mood to sound rude or presumptuous. You dont need to say anything nice, its fine. ', 'Yeah. It sucks, hope youre doing alright. ', 'Please call. If you cant do it, maybe someone here can for you (not sure if thats allowed...). Or text someone you know and ask them to call. Please. Im sorry this is so hard. ', 'No its fine. I talked with her. I know she doesnt view me poorly or anything. I just dont want to Anxiety her or upset her but thats all I can manage doing with pretty much anyone. I wish she never saw is all. I dont mind her knowing because shes nice about it, but her seeing the razors made it more real. Thanks for the reply. ', 'Yes. I dont understand it at all. Be safe. ', 'I read your other submissions. I dont know why people downvoted them and disliked them. I thought they were interesting and well written. Maybe you should start a blog, just post what youre thinking where no one can downvote it. I thought your posts about MW3 and Zelda-CDi were great by the way. I 100% agree with what you said. Yeah Zelda-CDi has been talked to death, but its still fun to mock! I suck at MW3 and its so frustrating because when playing you dont get much time to get better before dying. I still love it though (best CoD game IMO). Also your post about the Easter flame thing was pretty informative, Ive never heard about it before. I dont think its ever been posted on /r/christianity even, Ive been going there daily for the past 3 years. Anyway, talk about your problems to a counsellor. Be honest because it really helps. I care about your dumb history facts and your life. Im sorry you feel ashamed :( I hope you feel better soon. Youre not failing at everything. ', 'Hi. Ive been reading your posts and Im so glad youre getting help and were able to be honest with your husband. Its great he is so supportive, I hope things go well. You can do this, just take it one step at a time. ', 'Woah, that sucks. Please go back! Easy job to get if your boss really liked you. I hope you can do it. ', ':( that sucks. What about tomorrow? Do you think you could hold out for one more day? And give getting help a chance. Please. ', 'Good insight, I see what you Irritable Mood with our subconscious knowing it will produce an endorphin rush. Thanks for the long reply, I appreciate it. Wonder if theres been any research into this kind of explanation. Ill try to dig something up. Thank you again!', 'Heres my thoughts: some of the more complicated or longer posts here never get replies because people arent sure what to say. Honestly Im usually too lazy to type out what Im thinking... if I could talk with people here Id say a lot more. Anyway...Im sorry people have ignored your posts. I care that you Chest Pain yourself. And I appreciate you giving people advice. I dont know what to say, and I think thats the main thing. People dont know what to say. Some things are easier in person. Stay safe. I hope writing this post helped you out a bit. I know ranting helps me. ', 'Hey. I feel similar. I dont know. It doesnt make sense. Maybe its life even-ing up the cards. I really dont know. Its stupid and messed up and sucks. I dont have any advice, but dont trivialise how youre feeling. Even if you think you have no reason. Who cares? I dont think Suicide or selfharm is ever really reasonable. One doesnt need a reason to be depressed. Its not a choice and just happens. Im sorry if this isnt helpful. Random thoughts. ', 'Yeah seems Hyperactive behavior a Suicide note... I hope he didnt go through with it and you get in contact with him. Im sorry. ', 'Whats up? Anything you want to talk about? Im sorry youre at this point, and I cant imagine the Ache youre in. ', 'Well throwing up is probably a good thing. You need to get help though, please call 911. You can do it, and it will help. I know its scary and you dont want to go, but Hyperactive behavior the other person said, you posted here for a reason. You want to stick around. I want you to. Please call. ', 'Hi. Im glad you posted here. How did your appointment with the T go?', 'Take a deep breath. Its alright. Youre almost to your appointment! Youre doing great getting this far. It doesnt make you a pansy to be afraid to kill yourself. It makes you brave. Fighting through when everything screams for you to do it is very brave and courageous. Im glad youre bad at killing yourself :) you wouldnt be around talking to me if you werent. Im sorry, please keep trying. Take it a day at a time. Or an hour. You can do it. Its alright to be nervous, I completely understand. But you can fight through that. I know you can. ']

Supportive

user-427

['I know your Ache man. I try to keep in mind that I will find better, and things will get better. It does hurt, but killing yourseld over a woman isnt worth it. Im 22 and facing federal charges, and a girl I care about stopped talking to me. I feel the same way you do, people tell me all the time to "get over her", "youll find better" but its hard to convince yourself that. it will get better in time, try /r/seduction and try finding a new and better girl. ', 'Its not dumb, it happens. Do you feel sad and Depressed mood? Or do you just have fantasies?', 'Yea but the seats where about an 8 (just regular seats, not leather or anytjing), but good conditioned seats. Shes not that Anger about the holes, shes Anger because I got up and arms defensive and denied whole heartedly. Once I owned up to it she said I should have done that in the first place. ', 'I appreciate it. I feel much better. I have no clear evidence that shows that my friends resent me, but im still Depressed mood over the girl situation still. I am seriously Social fear that I cannot do any better.', 'I agree. Im now starting to get over my ex friend too. She never told me to "never talk to her again" but the last words she said to me was "fuck off" so idk. I hope everything will work out for the better for both of us.', 'A little over 2 months ago.', 'No. We fixed things at 1pm, this happened at 5:30pm. And she wasnt drunk, but on her way to get drunk when she noticed. ', 'Im not exactly sure what to do cause Im sorta Hyperactive behavior the older brother in this situation. but if hes not taking advice, than its hard to get through. For him Id suggest therapy and even though he has a full time job now, look for one that has more of a promising future to it, something where he can work up the latter.', 'About a 6. Its a 2000 or so but in good condition. ', 'Thats the other problem. In order to be self employeed on probation, I have to be incorporated and licensed. I dont have the capital to do that.', 'That was inappropriate of your mom. She needs to know that in this economy, getting a job is tough, even with a degree. I would suggest earching for a job that matches your education. She shouldnt be disappointed, youre working, thats all that matters. She should be proud of you. *hugs*Youre right though, staying busy keeps you from being down. I noticed that the more down time I have, the more time I have to sink in depression. Do whatever you think is right for you. ', 'Im in the same boat, Im having a hard time finding a job and Im stuck with my parents, theres always hope though. Have you considered volunteering anywhere Hyperactive behavior an animal shelter? Becoming a volunteer is almost guaranteed and it is a great way to meet people.', 'Thats what I do. Im constantly Depressed mood but I try to help people with their similar and/or situations that cause depression, it takes my mind off of things and makes me feel better that Im helping someone.', 'I do live with my parents. The reason I feel hopeless is because I dont know if Im ever going to get on my feet.', 'Im super scawny and not that good looking I the face. She was an 8/10. I cant do any better. I got lucky, and it was a fluke hooking up with her.', 'love matters. but whod want anything romantically to do with a dead beat felon.', 'Like I said, no making money on own due to the fact there is no proving that my work is legit. In order to be self employeed I need to be licensed or incorporated. Or I have to wait til the 3 years is up.3 years from now ill be way to old to go anywhere. Im 22 now, at the age of 25 ill be pratically ancient, too late to go anywhere.', 'As for my friends. this just happened to day. I just texted someone, and they where Hyperactive behavior "dont worry. youre making a big deal of something that isnt" .. so I take it as they didnt take too much offence to it. But it still makes me look insecure. they havent clearly said "We dont want to talk to you" but it might end up to the point where Im not wanted around because of the way Ive acted.As for my ex, shes just been ignoring me. She told me off, then ignored me. She doesnt want to talk to me. She hasnt talked to me in 2 months. Ive been contacting her once a week.', 'Im in the SAME EXACT boat. I had a close female friend myself and we both had feelings for each other. 2 weeks ago we stopped talking, and Ive been Depressed mood as well. I hope that I get at least the same opportunity you did and talk to her again. It will get better for you. Work on changing yourself, and then wait and let her know what you worked on what she doesnt Hyperactive behavior about you. If you guys argue over things you strongly stand for, and dont want to change it, than it isnt meant to be.', 'We used not to. We used to be really close. Its been rocky for the past 2 weeks. Thats it. Before that its all good. Idk if you read the whole thing in detail, but she told me all that harsh shit because shes Anger at the fact I denied. I denied because I dont remember. I hope she doesnt think Im living. Giving her time to cool down has always worked. But Hyperactive behavior I said. Never has she seemed this pissed. Sure shes called me an ass in the past, sure shes told me to leave her alone. But during our whole 3 yrs of knowing each other has she ever told me that I was dead to her or stay out of her life. ', 'I appreciate the advice. Just felt really discouraged and fantasized of death. Im going to try volunteering while I apply.', 'It isnt OLD, but imo if you havent had much work experience by that age than its too late to go anywhere.Also no portfolio, I can code PHP/Javascript and some Ruby and Python. Just nothing to show off my skills to people who want to hire me.', 'I was thinking about opening up my own business. I am always full of ideas. Im just Social fear that within 1-2yrs when I get out, the internet will be full and everything will be done already.']

Indicator

user-366

['Every night I go to bed hoping and wishing so much that I just wont wake up in the morning, brain aneurism or something, and every time I wake up it hurts that I have to go through another day. Suicide is a Ache in the ass and just not existing would be nice. But unfortunately the world seldom works out Hyperactive behavior that and if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.If youre not willing to kill yourself I would suggest trying to get your life back on track. You dont want to work harder to get out of the rut and I dont blame you. Not one fucking bit. But what other choice do you have? People have been telling me to just take one day at a time. Maybe try that?', 'Im sorry this happened to you. Thats shitty. Im not going to tell you not to kill yourself, but I will let you know that HIV, although still a serious problem, is not the death sentence it used to be.If you take the time to look into it youll find people can live out pretty normal lives with it. And that there are people that will use protection with someone positive, or that there are other HIV positive people looking for love.Before you kill yourself you should at least report that guy to the police.and maybe look into going into foster care or a government halfway house etc. wouldnt hurt.', 'Ive been seriously thinking about making a noose myself for a few days now. I dont really have any advice. I just wanted you to know that youre not alone in your thoughts.', 'I dont know where you are, but in Canada you can walk into any hospital emergency room and get help for a psychiatrist. I did it just the other day.', 'Ive tried the knife to the heart one. Its not as painless as you think. If youre just trying to force it in your own body will stop you. And youd be surprised at how much you can bleed until you bleed out.I know how you feel though. I think theres many of us here that do.It looks Hyperactive behavior youre having gender identity issues as well. Try living Hyperactive behavior a girl for a while and see if it helps. Full dress, wig, makeup everything. People might treat you better.', 'I dont know what to say, Im kind of in the same boat. It seams Hyperactive behavior a very small boat doesnt it? Its probably not just you and me though. there are other people just as pathetic and worthless as us. So in a way were not alone as we think... Fuck. I suck at this. If youre going to kill yourself let me know, then maybe we die at the same time and it wont be as alone.', 'Funny, I made a similar post recently in r/SuicideWatch about envying those with cancer.I guess we have the same line of thought.', 'No. It would devastate him. And then when you die he will never know the truth probably driving him to Suicide as well.Talk to him about ALL the issues your having. If youve been together for 8 years he obviously loves you and will do whatever he can to help you through this.']

Attempt

user-91

['Im so glad I was able to help in some way. If theres anything else you want advice about, feel free to ask me, and Ill do my best to answer. I really hope everything works out alright for you.', 'Oh, damn, I feel so bad for you. Ive been through similar things. I was planning to kill myself in 8th grade (that was two years ago), and Im actually planning to kill myself tonight, but I feel like I can relate to you and possibly help you, so Im going to stick around for a bit longer, just to post this. First of all, youre not being an attention whore. Youre reaching out for help, and you deserve help. Your feelings and problems are absolutely valid and real. You seem like a Tired perceptive person, definitely not some kind of shallow teenager who blames her parents and complains about everything.It seems to me that youre suffering from depression, and probably an eating disorder. Depression is Tired serious, its not something that you can just get over, and you absolutely do need help. The Feeling hopeless and Feeling unhappy you feel isnt your doing; its an imbalance of chemicals in your brain, as well as a completely valid reaction to the Stress in your life. Its terrible to feel like youd rather die than live, and you deserve better. Is there anyone youd feel comfortable talking to about this? Like your sister or your girlfriend? Talking to someone wouldnt make you an attention whore. This is the kind of problem that you cant face alone.Also, from what youve described, Id say your mother absolutely is emotionally abusive and manipulative. Theres a difference between effectively punishing a child and being unnecessarily cruel to them. Your mother is being cruel and manipulative, and she has no right to treat you that way, no matter what happened to her as a child. She is responsible for your pshyical and Emotional upset wellbeing, regardless of whether she thinks of you as a "good daughter" or not, and it seems like shes done some serious damage to you. You shouldnt have to put up with that. Id suggest that you try to talk to a school counselor about it. It wont destroy your family, it will get you and your mother the help you need.If you want to recover from this, youre probably going to need medication and therapy. You deserve to recover and feel better, so you should absolutely try to get the help you need. I know it feels like people wont believe you, but I completely believe you, and there are others out there that understand what youre going through. It isnt too late for you to get help.I really hope this helps. Again, Im so sorry that you have to deal with this shit. Ill be here for you as long as Im still alive, if you want to talk to me.', 'Hi. I dont know how much help I can be, but do you wanna tell me whats bothering you?']

Behavior

user-339

['Trying to talk to my friend. Hes drunk at another friends and has no transportation. What frustrates me the most is he said to call I needed him and when I did, he asked it I was sure if I needed him. ', 'Theyre 1500 miles away and our relationship had been strained for some time, so its not really an option. ', 'Portland. Im fairly active under my main account which is why I posted on an alternate account. ', 'Its nice to get it all out there. But still a bit hopeless. Im considering checking myself in tomorro q', 'I live in Portland. And have literally $30 until the 28th. Hes pretty much as broke as I am ', 'Already tried. He basically blew me off (typical northwest flakiness) i felt Hyperactive behavior a fucking inconvenience for asking.Ive tried talking to my mom, she said I should ask god for guidance (Im an atheist) unfortunately I am an only child. ', 'I can walk to the hospital and thats where Im headed now ', 'Thank you so much for your support. I wanted to let you know I was out of the hospital. ', 'Ive been medicated, Im currently on Xanax but it hasnt really helped. And neither have any of the other medications Ive been on. I cant afford a therapist and because of the hours I work, finding a free counselor has been practically impossible. I live about 1500 miles from my family and going home is really not an option due to my finances. ', 'I dont mind the rain. And sure, it would be cool. Its usually easier to reach me on my main account as I rarely check this one. Ill shoot you a pm with it ']

Behavior

user-473

['In some respects I can relate. Im a guy, but the only thing Ive ever really wanted in life was to find love. Every day I come home wishing I had someone special to greet, to cuddle with, all of that. I tried to kill myself once I despaired so badly of ever finding love. I still havent found it, but I have changed dramatically, and I can say with absolute certainty that Im closer now than ever before. I increased my odds ENORMOUSLY.Do you want Love? I think you do. Heres the good news. You CAN achieve your goal, you can have the joking and flirting and all the other wonderful things that come from love. But how? Youre going to have to fight for it - focus on making YOURSELF better (not more attractive to the opposite sex). Work out, get new clothes that look better, try to do whatever you can to make yourself a better, more interesting person. I gained new friends who helped me turn my life around through sheer chance; I built up confidence slowly over the course of 5 years, I earned a Masters Degree in teaching and learned to feel comfortable around teenagers (which helps with everyone else) because I didnt have much choice. Try to get out; I met some new friends at a group on meetup.com; all of whom though awesome people have similar issues.I feel your pain, because although Ive done all that, there are times when I wonder if its useless, that although I may be the most badass person in the world, no girl could ever know because Im ugly or just because Ill never meet her. Ive done all this work, and I feel so drained, Hyperactive behavior my batteries are Exhaustion from all Ive done to better myself and there is never a moment to recharge, that I cant push on anymore. Yet I always think of the what if; and that part hasnt changed since that day I tried to kill myself. What if it happens? Is that worth all this pain, all this loneliness? I think it is. So Ill keep fighting, and whenever I do find her, wherever she is, Im going to do everything in my power as a mere mortal human being to make her happy (not smother her of course, just be, uh, awesome).And dont feel so terrible about sending your tits over the internet. I have very little self-esteem in my appearance and I can see doing the same because we want to feel attractive, sexy, to give ourselves hope. Attraction is a factor, and I think we shouldnt feel so guilty for it. In a perfect world it wouldnt matter, but in truth it does, and if we can accept that it can help.Also, some people on the internet can tend to somehow devolve a good 15,000 years and become jerks or something Hyperactive behavior that. Normal Person + Anonymity = Dickbag much of the time.', 'Me too, I have fantastic and wonderful friends, but it never feels Hyperactive behavior enough. I want to be loved so badly, to be the center of attention, to have something about me be interesting to one person (not that I mind reciprocating). One of a million reasons I want so badly to find love, and Maybe thats one reason I love teaching so much?', 'A lot of people claim that anti-depressants make them "numb". Im on THREE of them and Ive never felt this feeling, nor full of hate, or anything. If you can get medication, try it out. If you feel any of those symptoms youre Social fear of, then get off of them and try something else. It takes time to find ones that work for people, and its sad that so many people try one and go "ALL ANTIDEPRESSANTS EVIL". First one i tried made me want to Hypersomnia CONSTANTLY. The ones Im on now dont do anything of the sort.Beyond that, stick it out in school. Its tough, but its so much harder to have to make up for lost ground later in life. At your age I tried to kill myself, cried every night, felt agonizingly alone, hadnt felt happy or even "content" in forever. But you know what? Now I have so many moments where I look back and think "It was worth it. All that Ache, all that suffering, if I had to go through it again to get to where I am now, I would do it." Keep fighting - you may not believe you can make it, but you can. Not much help I know, but its all Ive got at the moment.', 'Please dont, if you need to talk to someone about how youre feeling, Im happy to help - I once tried to commit Suicide myself and now Im so grateful someone talked me out of it.It hurts, it hurts so much, but hang in there. Change is possible, and people never cease to utterly surprise me in wonderful ways.', 'Dont let one person (boyfriend), or a small group of people (family) define who you are. Dont let those people make you feel Hyperactive behavior you arent worth anything, because that speaks volumes about them and not you.You are more than what a few people think about you. Theres something more in there, always remember that. Someday youll find people who will value that, who will love you for who you are. Just because they arent here today doesnt Irritable Mood they wont be. Hang in there!', 'Ive experienced some really horrible dreams while depressed, though I dont often remember them. The classic recurring one is that Im in love with someone, something horrible happens to them and Im powerless to stop it. I once had a very vivd dream that honestly fucked me up for Hyperactive behavior a year. I tried to kill myself once, and the emotions in the dream were even sadder. I had never felt so depressed. I got to see the girl I thought I was in love with (unrequited) drown about 50 times. It would always reset, but always my efforts to save her in vain. On to you, the fact that youre remembering so many dreams definitely says something about the quality of your Hypersomnia. You remember dreams when you wake up mid-Hypersomnia cycle, which leaves you groggier and all that. If you can figure out your Hypersomnia cycle and adjust, you will feel so much better. There are a lot of tools to help you do that!Although Ive often wondered about those lives we live in dreams, never remembered, that we dive into every single night so thoughtlessly, blissfully unaware of the unremembered horrors (or joys) that await us in those other lives in our heads.', 'Don\xe2\x80\x99t think your problems are stupid, or that you\xe2\x80\x99re being a \xe2\x80\x9cwhiny little bitch\xe2\x80\x9d. I tried to kill myself for even more trivial reasons, and of the many people in this world who are \xe2\x80\x9cwhiny little bitches\xe2\x80\x9d, you most certainly do not sound Hyperactive behavior one of them.First, you haven\xe2\x80\x99t failed. Yes, a lot of people make a lot more money then you do, many of whom are probably dumber and work much less. Sadly, the business world doesn\xe2\x80\x99t always reward hard work, it rests on connections and all sorts of other reasons the absurdity of which I can\xe2\x80\x99t even begin to wrap my head around. That\xe2\x80\x99s not a reflection on you, your capability, or any of that. You have a wife and a family, something that I would give anything for, and that\xe2\x80\x99s where wealth truly lies. You care deeply about them, this is obvious. I get the sense that you feel Hyperactive behavior you are failing them by not earning enough money and that you can\xe2\x80\x99t support them and provide for them, which is a really powerful thing. Yet you can give them stuff that matters a lot more than money. I know people who have had Depressed mood parents and grew up in bad neighborhoods little money, and nobody ever talks about the fact that they were poor \xe2\x80\x93 they talk about the fact that their father Ventricular Dysfunction, Left them when they were young, of the fact that their parents never even bothered to read to them or care. You can provide that to them \xe2\x80\x93 you can\xe2\x80\x99t give them as much as you would Hyperactive behavior to (can any of us?). But you can give them what really matters \xe2\x80\x93 your love and support. You have to rent an apartment? Lots of people do, and the size of your walls or the size of your TV is hardly where the meaning in life lies.Let\xe2\x80\x99s presume for a moment that you did kill yourself, and your family got the insurance money, while your wife remarried someone else with much more money as well. Would it really help your children for them to have their own bedroom and bathroom while they lay Wakefulness at night wondering if somehow they were responsible for their father\xe2\x80\x99s death? Would it help them with the Guilt they would feel at having complained or any of that? Might it make them think that if only they hadn\xe2\x80\x99t existed and sucked away money that you would still be alive and that they were responsible for it? Maybe, maybe not, I can\xe2\x80\x99t say, but the impacts of something Hyperactive behavior killing yourself would be with them for the rest of their lives. I haven\xe2\x80\x99t even mentioned your wife. Love isn\xe2\x80\x99t a commodity that can be replaced haphazardly. She married YOU, not some other guy. Maybe finances have really taxed your marriage, that\xe2\x80\x99s understandable. But she would also carry the weight of your death with her for the rest of her life.Has this only made you more Depressed mood, more despairing at the seeming lack of escape? Perhaps, but you don\xe2\x80\x99t have to be rich, don\xe2\x80\x99t have to have a nice house or any of that to be a good father or husband. YOU HAVE THIS. In twenty five years, when you\xe2\x80\x99re children are getting married, they can hug you with a joyous smile and say \xe2\x80\x9cThank you so much dad \xe2\x80\x93 for everything\xe2\x80\x9d. Not the money, but for being a good father. Maybe this ephemeral \xe2\x80\x9cother guy\xe2\x80\x9d that your wife might marry has more money, but can he give the same amount of love to your kids. Maybe, maybe not, and do you really want to take that chance?You haven\xe2\x80\x99t failed your family, you\xe2\x80\x99ve kept fighting despite it all. Don\xe2\x80\x99t give up on it now. Take joy in having wonderful people in your life, appreciate the little things, and be the best father and husband you can possibly be. No amount of money you could ever bring in can replace those things.', 'As someone who has gone through this, it sounds Hyperactive behavior you may have clinical depression. You have nothing to feel sad about, yet something in your brain is not delivering the proper amounts of seratonin, dopamine, or norepenephrine or some such. As a result, you feel Depressed mood for no reason. Depression is usually some combination chemical imbalances and brain-stuff (Im not a scientist) and external factor. For me, I started off Hyperactive behavior you. It just didnt make any sort of sense that I was Depressed mood for no reason, so unconsciously I searched for a reason, which was that I didnt have a girlfriend. Over time, the chemical part (which is easily handled by antidepressants) evolved into the non-chemical part which nearly caused me to end my life.Moral of the story? Go see a doctor, give antidepressants a go if you are able. Dont be discouraged if the doctor puts you on one and it doesnt work or has weird side effects. It usually takes a few tries to find the right one, but its definetly worthwhile. ', 'First, let me say that Ive been in a somewhat similar situation and got out of it to a large degree (more below), and if you want to talk more, Im really happy to do so. I know I wished I had someone to talk to about stuff back then who actually had some idea of what I had been going through.This is probably a bit long, but I can only hope what Ive learned since I was in a similar place might somehow help you. I\xe2\x80\x99m happy to elaborate on my story privately if you would Hyperactive behavior.Long story short, my freshman year of college was a lot Hyperactive behavior your situation. The only thing I truly wanted in life, and indeed the only thing I do still truly want out of life, was to find love. Everything else is secondary to that. I had no friends at school, my only possible career choice I could think of, teaching, had resulted in me getting kicked out of the education program at my school for not turning in work. I had absolutely no friends, none at all, and every morning I felt utterly hollow. I had absolutely nothing in life to look forward to, and I felt Hyperactive behavior a Depressed mood failure who shouldnt find love anyway because I would drag them down. How I got through those days without just ending it all is something that I cant explain to this day. The next year, I got stuck with a random roommate. I was terrified, for at this time I was crying constantly, shaking, all of that. Yet little did I know, my life was about to change.To make a long story short, my new roommate and his friends were determined to get me out into the world. It was so difficult to get to know them, perhaps the most difficult thing I\xe2\x80\x99ve ever done. I was boring, terrible, would be a drag on them. The problem was, I wasn\xe2\x80\x99t at all. I put forth all of my effort into interacting with them, being careful, trying to belong. Over the course of months I discovered that, to my perpetual astonishment, I can be funny, I can be likeable, I can have friends. My life completely transformed. I\xe2\x80\x99ve even been described as \xe2\x80\x9coutgoing\xe2\x80\x9d, when previously I was the introvert king. The thing is, when you base your self-image on what you believe yourself to be, and that\xe2\x80\x99s negative, that impacts how others see you, and it masks the real you. Somewhere along the line I stopped being \xe2\x80\x9cDerp\xe2\x80\x99s Roommate\xe2\x80\x9d and instead \xe2\x80\x9cDuck3h\xe2\x80\x9d, and now 4 years later, I\xe2\x80\x99m still friends with most of those people.I just graduated with a Masters in Teaching, and at my student teaching assignment got over 100 letters from kids saying how awesome I am. I still get Depressed mood about love, still Anxiety constantly, still lay Wakefulness at night and wonder if I will ever find it. But compared to where I was, I\xe2\x80\x99m a new man. The thing was, they didn\xe2\x80\x99t \xe2\x80\x9cchange me\xe2\x80\x9d. It was all inside me, but I doubted myself too much to let it see the light of day. I was the Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder person Hyperactive behavior you claim to be, but somewhere in there was a truly awesome guy, and I suspect that girl is in there for you as well. A few things:First, never think that you are unlovable, that nobody would ever want to be with you. Guys at this age are still running after supermodels and learning, and you may walk past the perfect guy every day, but you can\xe2\x80\x99t magically look into each others hearts and see what\xe2\x80\x99s there, so people initially go for the trivial things that don\xe2\x80\x99t matter too much in the long run. Guys don\xe2\x80\x99t hit on you? That says nothing about you as a person, only about how you present yourself to others. You want love, that is an incredibly noble and wonderful thing, and I confess I can scarcely hope that I will meet someone who values it as much as you (and I for that matter) do. From your post, the crying, the breaking down, poor grades, that doesn\xe2\x80\x99t define you. It\xe2\x80\x99s what in your heart that does, and from what I can see in your post, that girl is awesome as shit. Seriously. You aren\xe2\x80\x99t Abnormal behavior because you have trouble interacting with people sometimes, or anything Hyperactive behavior that. You\xe2\x80\x99re Abnormal behavior if you spend evenings singing with imaginary chipmunk-people. Second, its easy to get so wrapped up in trying to make others Hyperactive behavior us that we forget about ourselves. We try so hard to please that we lose ourselves, and ultimately Chest Pain ourselves. Get spread too thin, and then we might as well not be doing anything. Focus on a few areas in life, and keep in mind what I said above. You\xe2\x80\x99re awesome, and if anyone is going to judge you harshly as a person because you want to be loved or have some Phobia, Social awkwardness, is that someone you really want to know? No? Cool. The stupid thing is that all the advice people told me over the years was true, but I had no idea how to implement it. Now that I have, its so easy to fall back on that simple advice. It\xe2\x80\x99s late and I\xe2\x80\x99ve taken Drowsiness pills, but again, happy to talk more about ANYTHING. You may feel Hyperactive behavior "why put my burdens on someone else", but the truth is, I get more meaning and joy out of helping people somehow, empathizing with Ache, all of that, then I do Panic people in Planetside (which ive been doing). One reason Im a teacher! I stopped someone from committing Suicide once, and though she felt horrible about putting me through that, I have never been more grateful for an opportunity in my life, because If I die today, I know I saved one life.', 'Why suffer? Because there are ways of managing schizophrenia, because you have so much ahead of you to learn and experience. Taking medication wont magically fix things, but it can help. A lot. I suffered for years, crying every day, wanting the Ache to stop. Nearly lodged a bullet in my brain. Why did I continue to suffer? 5 years later, Ive experienced things that I could never have imagined, things that made me say "you know what? Id go through it all again for this."Out of curiosity, WHY do you want to kill yourself? Are there any particular reasons you want to do so? ', 'You can feel free to PM me anytime you ,need about anything. Ive been in that rut. Maybe I can help, maybe I cant, but Im happy to talk with you. I know how much people online helped me get through the roughest years and if I can reciprocate, Im happy to!']

Behavior

user-52

['I feel exactly the same way as youve described here. The hate and resentment I feel have become so unbearable. However, I really wish I could live... I really wanted to live Tired long... But unless I find a way to get as far away as possible from humans by the time 4 years have passed, then I will have to kill myself. So please, you who seems to understand this, please talk with me.']

Ideation

user-345

['Im not saying she doesnt matter as a person. I just see a lot of kids with the FML attitude, and over what? "I didnt get an ipod for Christmas, FML!" Really, an ipod that will be out of date in a few years and your whole life is ruined. I saw money issues as a problem, but honestly those are her parents concern. Dont take on problems that are not yours. Dont measure yourself against other people. There will ALWAYS be someone better. Measure yourself against who you were yesterday, and you may not always win, but you will get better.And finally, I was saying find a better mentor to hang around than her parents. Teacher, coach, who knows (probably not people off the internet) But learn about life from people that are successful at it, or something, anything...', 'Im an atheist that doesnt fit in too. Cynical, single, I think I understand your pain. It may suck, but I guess I look at it as faking it and following blindly, being someone you are not, would be wayyyyy worse than being you.I think you also have to think about that its still winter, and some people get seasonal effective disorder from lack of sun. Get out and get some sun if you can. Secondly, V-day is coming. It puts extra pressure on everyone, not just the single people. It all passes man. As far as motivation. Get a couple of 5 hour energies and pop one of those in the morning. Without them sometimes I dont get out of bed till I have to work. With them I get so much more done. Its not just the caffeine that helps.', 'I reddit. Even if you steal your buddies gun and go out into the woods someone is going to find the body eventually.This is what I see from your post. There is a party going on but instead of connecting with people, you are alone thinking of killing yourself because you dont connect with people. kind of a conundrum...So youre a smart guy, maybe. Things have always been easy for you in life. Making friends is not always easy. Dont Crying Reflex, Abnormal about it if you dont get what you want. No one has to give it to you. If you arent making new friends at the party, try a new circle of friends and start over.I dont know what you look Hyperactive behavior anything else about you, but try putting effort into your appearance and hygiene. When meeting new people dont talk about depressing shit Hyperactive behavior this. It can put people off. Then go out and do something social, even if you dont Hyperactive behavior it. Be in a joyful state about how much you hate it. You dont have to do it again, but you really just need to try.', 'I Forgetfulness to mention Costco sells these for much cheaper. Hyperactive behavior 80 cents each. You might not need a membership if they are classified as pharmacy, otherwise find a buddy with a membership and stock up.', 'I reddit. Not sure I can offer much help, but you have self esteem issues. Its obvious. A long time ago I was in the car with my dad listening to npr, and Dr Laura was on. She was talking about self esteem and how it really is just that. Its the esteem you give your self. It doesnt come from other people.If you cant work and they wont declare you disabled (which Im not sure would even help because its based on past income) you got have a problem. If you figure out how to make it through life without a job let me know.', 'You sound out of control, or your life at least. I think you have to love yourself more than anything before others can love you. If weight is a problem, you really have to ask yourself which do you love more food or not being over weight. Start by cutting out soda, and fast food. Take some time to walk or bike or some activity you enjoy. It will come eventual, be patient. You need to find something that makes you feel good about you and stop looking for it from other people.edit: found your pics and you are not what I would consider fat. Second part of my comment still applies. And exercise might help you feel better emotionally.I had friends that were really good people in Drug abuse school. I never understood why people would hangout with other people that treat them Hyperactive behavior shit. Its just the world because years later I really dont have close friends now. You still might find one or two though.', 'yeah you think the grass is greener, but going to big schools = big school loans. Although, degree does not equal Drug abuse paying job. Community colleges are not bad choices. If you are the straight A student, dont Anxiety about not having a job. If not, then you could be working a job building experience and then using that degree to qualify you for a promotion in a company where people already know you.I cant really comment sexuality thing. Personally, I dont Anxiety about telling people my sexual preference. You feel Hyperactive behavior you have something to hide. I really dont see why people need to know. I think a lot of people make it their identity. What makes them stand out. If you are with a person to standout, you are not really with that person. Then again on second thought, just say you are gay then you can play the gay card pretty much anywhere and have things handed to you.I agree with stuckey3 that its partly and esteem issue. Its self esteem, not the esteem everyone else gives you. you just need more aspects to you life than school and sexuality preference so when 1 falls you have something else to feel good about.', 'You people are great at putting works in my mouth and poor intentions as well.Im saying dont put so much pressure on yourself, because of all things in my life personally, I cant attribute any of them to anything that happened when I was 13.', 'You are 13! Im 34 and I will trade you my life for your straight up, car bank account, age, ect. Nothing matters when you are 13. You can fail school and you know what happens? you get to do it all over again. Seriously even if you get kicked out of school you can still find a job, a SO, some place to live, and just have a life in general (a happy one too).Actually, I think your problem is your parents. They have bad habits that cause problems instead of prevent them, they freak out about them, and over the years you have learned to freak out about them mimicking your parents. Your Mental Depression and Anxiety Mental Depression is a learned behavior when it comes down to it. You could medicate it, but can you medicate a learned behavior? You need to spend time with people that have good habits, and learn that shit.', 'if you have money, look nice, and can hold down a conversation... Go to a strip club. Seriously, the customer is always right. If you are not sure, just ask the girl, she will tell you. They get money out of it. Its a temporary fix, but think of it as training wheels for the real thing.Edit: and if you do do this and get to know a few of the girls, bring cheese cake for the girls. Bitches love cheese cake.']

Supportive

user-264

['Oh dear. Man that really sucks. Hmm. Im pretty new at this whole "helping people" thing. One of my first posts here, really not sure if I should offer advice or empathy. Bit of both, perhaps?I dont know about being a writer, never been very artistic. But Id imagine just writing would help, right? You know, just put shit down on paper, and if youre inner critic is that bad, just dont look at it? As for the jobs. Well what type of job have you been searching for? Sounds Hyperactive behavior a bit of minimum wage conventional jobs and some highly skilled writing jobs.', 'Okay, thats cool. I think its really awesome that youre going out and trying new things, ya know get out of your shell, meet new people. Wish I could go to, but alas Im not quite 21, half a country away, and have prior obligationsI was just asking you not to stake everything on tomorrow. Go out, have fun. Please dont do anything too stupid? ', 'Hey if you cant go with that other dude in the thread, or to Colorado or whatever. I have a PC and a WiiU so if you want to play a game online thatd be cool.', 'No. You have a good point. There are seven billion people in this world. We, you and me, were nothing compared to the whole. But have you tried looking at it this way, theres 7 billion people on this world and only a few hundred make any real impact. The rest of us are Ventricular Dysfunction, Left to figure out our own place in this world. Man, I know it sucks to have your own perceptions turn against you. Its happened a few times to me and theres nothing I fear more, but hell. Disorders? Hell they suck but they Irritable Mood that your problems are /legitimate/.I cant offer you much. But hey. Ill be your support, Ill talk to you. Just shoot me a PM. In the meantime though? Well if youre up to it, if you can. Maybe think about trying and getting out, meeting people? Sure most people might be self interested, but I believe youll find a person or two to be a support net. ', 'Sorry, was Exhaustion yesterday and had to go to bed. Its pretty cool you managed to send a few applications.', 'Hey man. Im sorry to hear that youre not feeling so well. It seems Hyperactive behavior youre feeling really isolated and alone, has it always been Hyperactive behavior this for you? You seem so fed up with the world, with people, but Im not sure which one youre more fed up with. With those around you, or with the broader concept of companionship?I cant really promise you anything, but know that if you need to talk to someone you can just shoot me a PM. Im not anyone special, not a counselor or professional or anything Hyperactive behavior that, but if you want to just... talk. Im here.', 'Hey man, how are you.', 'Hey, I dont know much. Im going to try to talk though, okay?It sounds Hyperactive behavior youre tired? Upset at the breakup and how its Chest Pain you. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you want to have one last shot at feeling good. Have you thought about waiting? Not on the Pismo Beach, but on staking so much in it. Theres a lot at Pismo Beach, but its not everything, its only a few dozen square miles in this massive massive world. ', 'Hey, I know its easy to feel hopeless when things are looking down, have been looking down. It probably seems Hyperactive behavior a lot of things are pushing down on you right now, but may I ask whats bugging you the most? The job search, your old job, that you dont want to talk to your girlfriend?', 'Ha. Cool. I didnt Irritable Mood swimming in specific (although that would be cool), just offering anecdotal evidence about how a few basic certs might really help your job search. Yeah, keeping reading at least a bit seems Hyperactive behavior it would help a lot. Maybe try writing a bit on the web? You know, /r/writingprompts or do some web-fiction. Might not be making a living off of it, might not be making money. But Id imagine validation would be useful, right? Anyways. I need to go to bed. Ill check this again tomorrow. Im just a two-bit moron, but if you ever need anyone to just talk to go ahead and shoot me a PM. Ill try to answer ASAP.', 'Hmm. Well lets see. Writing might be a Ache in the ass right now, but I dont know, is writing the only way you keep your creative juices flowing? I know youre a Creative Writing major so youve probably had to read a LOT. So I dont know if this is something youve thought about before. But perhaps until you find yourself in a better position you could Anxiety less about writing, and more about reading?As for jobs. Well, youve been looking for shit minimum wage jobs and then professional skilled labor jobs. Have you thought about looking for anything in between? You know as a stop gap measure? Something that would require a cert that takes a weeks worth of training and a hundred dollars? Seems Hyperactive behavior most of them would be way less sucky than something at the very bottom rungs of retail or food. I work as a swim instructor at a YMCA and were desperate to hire anyone who has a WSI cert. I would imagine a lot of places are similar. ', 'Ha never thought Id be offering words of wisdom. Hey if you ever need someone to talk to you can just shoot me a PM. Im no professional or anything, but it might help just to talk right?', 'I know its easy to believe that people as a whole are awful. And hell you might be right. But its easier to destroy than create, and yet somehow, after all these years we as a human race have managed to build something. A global society thats, well, thats just a little bit better than what came before. Doesnt that speak to something? Man, I see why you wouldnt want to be part of the equation anymore, what with all the shit that is going around right now (not arguing that it isnt). But have you thought about how big this equation is? Its massive, 7 billion strong, and thats just us humans. Have you thought that you could surround yourself with the better elements of that equation, be one of them?', 'Hmm. You feel youre stuck trying to make money at shit jobs while looking for a writing job you actually Hyperactive behavior. However the shit jobs are wearing down and destroying all youre creative energy in the meantime.Is that an accurate assessment?']

Indicator

user-241

['No. My family wants me gone. My ex husband is a douchenozzle and would use this against me if he found out. I have no friends. The only people who ever want to hang out with me only do for sex.', 'Its just that my goals are going to take time, and apparently Im out of that particular commodity. Theres no way Ill be able to live in my car with my kids and work and pass school all at the same time. I already know I cant afford next semester, which will set me back, and if I do somehow manage to find a place Im going to have to be focusing on paying for that, and so I wont be able to afford school yet again. If will end up on the back burner and Ill end up spending the rest of my sad lonely life working my ass off in order to not quite make ends meet. ', 'No money, no insurance. Social services here suck.', 'I want to be a doctor. But I cant even afford community college at the moment. My parents want me out of the house but theres literally nothing I can do to make that happen at the moment.', 'Nothing there', 'Theyre too young to know the difference ', 'Is this really the time and place to be bashing OP?', 'As a single mom with two dependents thats really not an option. ', 'reposting this here so you see it:This. I lived this Tired situation for three years. No matter what they say they will do, no matter the promises they make, it will not get better. I was pregnant, and scared. I had no friends, never left our apartment. I had no support system. I understand loving him and wanting to make it work. It wont though. I had no education, and didnt think I could leave. I finally did though, after he sexually assaulted me early one morning, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my kids. Its hard being alone and making it on my own, but it is so much better than being controlled or manipulated like I was.Im going to PM you my story, hopefully it will help you some.', 'This. I lived this Tired situation for three years. No matter what they say they will do, no matter the promises they make, it will not get better. I was pregnant, and scared. I had no friends, never left our apartment. I had no support system. I understand loving him and wanting to make it work. It wont though. I had no education, and didnt think I could leave. I finally did though, after he sexually assaulted me early one morning, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my kids. Its hard being alone and making it on my own, but it is so much better than being controlled or manipulated like I was.', 'thanks', 'Not really. When Im like this I just want to chain smoke and drive too fast in the rain with the windows down.', 'I just Pain all the time. Im so Tired of feeling. Thats all I want, to stop feeling. ', 'Its been a year, and its only getting worse. I need $2000 more dollars than I have just to break even this month. 25000 to pay everything off. All because my ex is a deadbeat and my roommates screwed me over for 10 months. ', 'The problem is, Im completely helpless right now and I hate it. Theres nothing I can do to change it at this point. I am literally at the will of the people around me. I have $2 plus whatever change is in my door compartment to my name. I have no where to live, I cant afford school, but I dont qualify for financial aid. I cant get assistance from the city because I technically live with my parents and because Im under 25, they wont consider me an independent adult (which is ridiculous considering I was moved out and married for three years before I moved back, our finances are completely separate, and Im expected to provide food for myself and the kids). Im stuck in hell and theres no way out thats anywhere near. The Tired earliest ill be able to graduate is December of 2014 and thats if I even get into the program I want. If not, well, I dont even want to think about that at this point. Im drowning right now and theres nothing to grab a hold of, and no one who cares enough to throw me a line. ', 'My family has "done their time" so Im no longer their problem. ']

Indicator

user-13

['I have one question for you: whatre your interests? Specifics, please.', 'YOU ARE NOT IN PRISON! My God, you are not in a federal (maximum-security) prison. Could you even imagine it? What if someone, for example, planted something crazily illicit on your hard drive, and you were sentenced to 5-10 years for it? THAT would make me want to kill myself. That anguish you feel toward the world is fuel. Your impetus for changing our current global situation rests in your despair. You CANNOT kill yourself. We simply cannot afford it. You are currently (and luckily, too) only constrained by your mental faculties. You are lucky enough to live in a society that lets you speak freely! You can even invent new ideas that change the world. Embrace your liberty!Please let me know about your progress in changing our planetary circumstances. You are our hope! Enjoy!', '"Make a living?" Do what you love. Get MORE education. If you love something, money will follow. You just have to love it more. Go get your MA. Then your Ph.D. Teach it! Research it! What areas of history are your favorite? I specialize in prehistory.', 'Do you know what death is like? Every time I feel like ending it, Ill imagine a true hell: being stuck in my body. I imagine after my heart stops and brain ceases to function, being able to see my dead body. I imagine seeing my family discovering my dead body... What if thats what awaits you when you kill yourself? Death *may* actually be worse than being alive. ', 'I know what you mean. I think about blowing my brains out frequently... I just think about the immensely sweet relief that Ill feel when my constant Anxiety and Fear no longer exist. All of my issues will disappear, and thats all that matters. Why is suicide bad, again? If I am in a certain position in life that is *horrific*, then why should I continue? I am a chemically normal person. That Fear I mentioned above is a result of my bad decisions. I will soon lose my freedom, one way or another. ', 'You didnt get accepted to any Masters program? Did you form a strong bond with that one history teacher?', 'Why dont you, instead of killing yourself in Italy, do something else in Italy? Something interesting...', 'Wait! I hope youll read this comment before you do anything crazy...Life exists outside of the constraints that the universe has set for you. Your bad parents, your horrible upbringing, and your despicable circumstances are all things of the past. All you need is 24 hours of motivation. Purchase a plane ticket and leave everything else behind. I hope, sincerely, that you dont kill yourself. ', 'Like /u/regretnope said, theres certainly no need to rush this. Why not wait and talk? Whats the worst part about your life?', 'You, my friend, are not defined by your job. You are defined by your actions. Blowing your brains out will certainly leave a mark on your loved ones. I am here for you, man.', 'You love coding. Is it something you occasionally look up on Wikipedia or YouTube, or do you actually know how to code?', 'Oh, my god. Do you actually LOVE history? Im getting my degree in Anthropology. I love Anthro. I went into it because I cant wait to get a Ph.D in my favorite subject.Do you LOVE history? And that whole stereotype about liberal arts degrees being "useless" is really stupid. If you want me to go into it, I will.', 'So glad to hear youre alive, dude. Im always here to talk (seriously). ', 'Dude! Your daughters life will NOT be better without you. I want to make that clear. That is seriously the most true thing Ive ever said in my life. Leave your SO if things arent working out. You WILL get partial custody of your daughter, and she will grow up knowing her dad. You are not defined by a job, and getting fired from a job is something everyone goes through. Youll find a new job, and youll get back on your feet. What are you up to, currently?', 'Your most prominent thought might be, "how will I ever find another like her?" That is the most poisonous of thoughts. I know you thought she was perfect, and I know you thought that youll never get another like her, but you will. Dont worry. ', 'I know how difficult it is to sit there and watch the days pile up. "Oh, look. Its another day where I didnt do anything." The more the days go by, the harder it gets. The first thing you need to do is *forgive yourself*. ', 'I looked at your post history, and it seems youre a marijuana user. Wont you miss that? Then again, that could simply be what is helping you cope.In my mind, there are two types of suicide: reactionary suicide and clinical suicide. The latter exclusively involves a mental Illness such as depression, while reactionary suicide can involve a mental Illness, but it also involves the happening of some tragic event(s). Which describes you?', 'You mention legacy; what is its use? The way you touch and help people is timeless. It is what people will remember you for. You literally must *not* kill yourself. Life is not about "destiny." Your destiny has not been written. Any impediments that you currently face can be washed away with ease. Every wasted dollar, broken relationship, and wasted time can be easily redeemed. Enjoy your new life!', 'Please dont do anything drastic. Break-ups are *always* difficult. Those feelings youre feeling are completely normal, and you shouldnt feel bad about them. How old are you? Your life may seem valueless at this point, but it really isnt! Your spouse does not define you, and you are so much more than that. Seriously. One day, eventually, youll finally see the collection of your ambitions and aspirations manifest themselves into a... perhaps... career (or some other venue). Please dont give up hope!I am always available (no, seriously, I am). Please dont be afraid to message me, buddy! Im here for you!', 'Whats your degree in? How old are you?', 'How much aid do you need for a Masters program?', 'You are more than your test scores. You have a lot to offer, friend, and you are just getting started. One day, 40 years from now, youll remember those days when you felt suicidal, and youll be happy. Youll be happy that overcame everything. What are your interests?', 'I hope I can put it in a Tired direct way: there is *nothing* worse that you could do for your daughter than killing yourself. Please stay with us. Everything youve done is forgivable. Whats something youre ashamed of?', 'Yep. Identical to me. Dont know what the hell to do. ', 'You dont know me, but I certainly care about you. I would donate my time, if I physically could, to getting your life back on track. Since I cant physically be there, I could help you get your life back on track via other means. You have a lot to offer, whether you know it or not, and itd be a genuine shame to see you go. People *do* care. If you acquire just a *little* motivation, you can do amazing things. ', 'You are at a Tired young and fragile time in your life. How can your friends be "moving on" when youre all in high school? You have *so* much time to do absolutely *whatever* youd like, and its even better because you have no impediments encumbering you. Youre not blind, youre not going to prison, and you have both of your hands. The world is yours to mold, so jump in! You have all the time in the world, so dont worry. ', 'Whats your dream? Forget realistic.', 'Your best friend is clearly not your friend. He is crazy. Please do not even consider killing yourself. I have been through a lot myself, and I am always here for you. Please message me as much as you want. ', 'What are you going through? How could you end your life when you have so much to offer? Think about your many interests; you havent even explored them, yet! You have many duties, and drinking bleach will only be a blight on your obituary. Your obituary is yet to be written. You have no limits. Dont waste your life away. ', 'What about Masters programs at other schools?', 'Im here for you. I can text, call, Skype, whatever. No judgements. Please PM me if youre interested. Hang in there. ', '>doing it for "myself" seems pointlessDont do it for yourself, then. And certainly dont regard human life as a "game," almost as if theres a single way/process to win it. Seeing yourself as a "resource Hungry animal" is not a correct way to think. It isnt healthy, either. Being able to form sentences like you did in your post means you have *tremendous* value. That value translates extremely plainly into the real world. If you can form sentences, then there is no doubt that you have mental faculties that can analyze, plan, and decipher information in a meaningful way. There are billions of humans who are struggling to survive. Turn your "waste of a human" self into a person whose mere existence transcends borders, nationalities, and prejudices. *Help others*. You will, in turn, help yourself my giving yourself an unprecedented amount of worth. ', 'You arent worthless. No one is "worthless." What are your interests? I can personally train you in a few things. You wont drag her down with you if you dont let it happen. Your daughter needs you, and you are already doing her many favors by simply being in her life. ']

Ideation

user-315

['I just hope I dont wake up, I dont think I could kill myself but not existing sound good.']

Ideation

user-88

['Thats what Im trying to do. But I have no money. I need to pay off rent in May or all my roommates get evicted.', 'Besides Planned Parenthood, where a friend had told me to go, there isnt really anywhere else to go. And Ive tried practically everything, especially getting a job, but now Im just feeling hopeless. And I cant ask my mother for money anymore.']

Ideation

user-387

['If the university counselling service was rubbish then a) tell them so -how else are they going to know? and b) try somewhere else. Your GP should be a good place to start.', 'The trouble with Suicide is that it is so bloody final! Just because you have tried hard to get better and it hasnt been sucessful yet doesnt Irritable Mood that you will never feel better. What a shame it would be if you killed yourself now and a cure for your problems would have presented itself in the near future.You say that you have a history of mental illness so Ill assume that you regularly see a doctor. Have you tried discussing your suicidal feelings with him or her? ', 'I think you probably need to get some medical help. Not a lot of what you are saying makes sense and if you think about it its probably far more likely that your past mental health problems are reoccurring than a Anger relative has it in for you.', 'Why do you want it then? I strongly suspect that you are rationalising your feelings rather than really analysing anything. ', 'You know that feeling of being really scared? If you can overcome it and tell your parents anyway then you you will have made a huge step forwards. Brave people arent fearless. They have the fear but do it anyway. You could try showing them this post initially. Once you get it off your chest , that alone should make you feel a whole lot better. They love you right? So theyll want to help you.', 'No I never said leave her for someone new. I said leave her. Shes bad for you and going to make you feel worse. ', 'If talking isnt working then you need to try something else. Why not try saying "this isnt working for me" to a doctor and see what other options are available.', 'Who are they? Your family?', 'Youre not going to Hyperactive behavior this but you really need to leave her. Shes not good for you. As for your own Mental Depression - talk to your parents and or a doctor. Depression in teens is a common problem but it isnt necessarily a life sentence. You can feel better if you get some help.']

Supportive

user-273

['That drives me crazy. The text goodbye was clearly a call for help- if he actually wanted to kill himself he would just do it without trying to reach out. I would never do something Hyperactive behavior that; Im either going to live or get this over with and die. Im sorry this may have been inconsiderate, I hope the both of you improve :) and I dont care for anyone. I just feel completely dead. I dont look forward to seeing my friends at school, its all shallow. I hate trying to act happy all the time, but whenever I begin to explain my Mental Depression it becomes far worse with the added anxiety, they could tell anyone. Im just done.', 'My dad is actually part of the trust issue- he always takes my moms side. I am always guarded around him, Ive tried to loosen up but I keep searching for all the ways he could manipulate me (Hyperactive behavior tell someone else about my weaknesses) I guess I depend a lot on my own appearance, speaking about what I actually think about seems too risky. I cant trust my friends, my relationships always last about two years. I used to have a therapist, but I kept canceling and recommitting over and over- its not fair to her. I also found myself lying constantly, for no reason- I dont really know how to describe my emotions, its all too complicated. I kind of wish I could go back but I dont even have goals, so theres no point. Thanks for answering though, I dont know what to do.', 'But I dont know how to depend on people. Isnt that how you survive in the real world? I hate revealing parts of myself and asking for help. I much rather die than hand out resumes to random strangers, and become vulnerable to anyone. I want people to leave me alone. I just dont see myself capable of functioning in this. I have hobbies, but whats the point of them? You would just do them for yourself, and I feel incredibly guilty whenever I do anything for myself (not to mention this hopeless Mental Depression and perfectionism which seems to make it pointless)']

Ideation

user-166

['Sounds like you need closure.Ive been in some pretty bad places in my life. Ive done some really bad things. Ive Pain a lot of people.The only way yo move on is to get closure. \tWrite him a letter, and with it, leave the injured part of your soul in the ink. Move on.You dont have to write a letter, but you get the idea. Let him know how you feel about what you did. But again, leave it there. \tLeave it all there.Ive tried killing myself before. A few times.Im glad some days that I didnt. Ive overcome that constant Feeling unhappy and have achieved a lot of great \tthings, and have had something genuine \tgreat times.You need to confront your Feeling unhappy, and murder it, or it will murder you. Your Feeling unhappy is not who you are.']

Attempt

user-328

['Give him chocolate, you cant kill yourself if you eat chocolate.', 'Ehh.. according to my psych lecturer its true, because of chemistry and stuff.']

Supportive

user-492

['I dont really know to be honest..only made an account on here Hyperactive behavior 30 minutes ago. Possible to PM at all then sort something a little easier out?', 'Know that feel..just gotta hope..Time, apparently, will make it much better and easier to cope.Just good luck and Im sorry really.', 'Going through the exact same problem at the moment buddy.No easy way out of it, just have to try your u pmost to be with her every step of the way. Text her, skype when you can. Just show your support and that theres someone out there that cares, you know?As to your reply to the other persons comment, have you simply told her how great she is? May go a long way in helping her self esteem (Which is probably rather low right now)', 'Hey :)Sorry to hear youre doing badly, but the Ache of the relationship will eventually fade. I can promise you that. We have all had the experience of loosing a loved one. If you want to chat and whatnot, give me a shout.Whatever you decide to do, I hope you end up happy from it.Will be thinking about you and wishing you well.Elzithxxxxx', 'We all remember the bad over the good. But Im sure your friends would stand by you if you needed them. As to your parents..well..youre not going to have to be around them forever. So, hang on and youll be free within a few years I would of thought. Dont let them win, eh?', 'Are you sure they would kick you out? Theyre your family, there is so very little that they could not/would not forgive. My understanding is that your friend wants you too tell them, but you want to keep quiet, is why youre being driven apart? At the end of the day, its your choice..dont let someone else push you into something/If telling someone means you had to kill yourself..well..we all have our secrets that will never see the light of day. Some things just arent trouble they would cause.Good luck with it allElzith.', 'If its something you Anxiety about, or its a problem, then its no small. We all have different worries. Something that hurts someone else, may Irritable Mood a minor annoyance to you.I have seen people break from, to my mind, small issues. Yet others go on with things that would have me huddled in a corner, crying my eyes out.Different things hit us in different ways. If its a problem, then its a problem. I do not see there being a severity in the actual problem, more how it affects you. So..try to stop worrying it over it being a Anxiety <3 Accept it. Then solutions.', 'Its actually meant to effect women more than men. Statistically it does anyway. Though I think this is much more likely from men simply dont tell anyone about it or go and get help..cause..you know..weakness and all (-_-) Though it also manifests differently. Women are more likely to attempt suicide, whilst men are more likely to succeed. Though I think that comes down to method preferences rather than will.', 'A new start surely? 18..an Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult now (Or by UK standards anyway, dunno where you are) Decided to keep on living and all..sounds to be something pretty happy about.Either way, good to see youre still about. Just caught the end of that last post, which was not exactly..cheerful conversation material (May or may not of shed a tear >.> <.<) Either way, welcome back.', 'twas mine as well ^^ Happy Birthday', 'Hey, know what that is Hyperactive behavior..loosing the one you love and all.Happy to chat, will write something out a little more detailed in a sec', 'Sorry I did not reply sooner. And I have no idea how you can make those assumptions just from that post, but thanks I suppose. <31) Yeah, but they dont have a clue as to the extent of it2) Im not, no. I did for a while but I really did not find it helpful', 'Hey there!"Ive always been a terrible person. I always try to help everyone but I just end up Depressed mood them. "Not sure how to quote :3Anyway! To my mind and most anyone else, its the trying that helps. We all Chest Pain people, its just one of those things. Death and taxes and all that. But those of us that try to do better by them and continue trying to make the world a better place..well..theyre the best of us. No question about that. "I really wanted to be able to end everyones suffering, not just my own. So this is really all for them, so they can be happy again."Who is it that will be better off? Your friends do not know how to handle it, your boyfriend cares but does not know how he can help. Your family..well..theyre your family. They love you and will stand by you, no matter what. Nobody will be better off you are gone. Nobody.It takes a rare person to go out of there way for others. Its beyond tragic that the world sees fit to Chest Pain us so. But beyond amazing that other people, with their own problems and issues, will help other people also suffering.Whatever you decide, people will be thinking about you and if you do decide to go through with it, the world will miss you terribly. Sorry if Im rambling..but..yeah. Enough now I suppose ^^', 'Hello again! Good to see youre still up and kicking.Couple of things1) Just phone her. Having decided that its time to go on your way, what is there to loose? Tell her what you told me, at least to set the record straight. 2) If youre not happy with doing it, then ask a friend or family member.3) Yeah, going to have to say it. Dont kill yourself, eh? Still here, so there must be something holding onto you.Again, everyone here is telling you the same thing, You fucked up, but that you actually realize that and feel Hyperactive behavior shit over it, is a good thing. So let it be, move on with your life. You have had enough atonement for it all. But killing yourself will crush her. And yes she will find out as the police will let your loved ones know the cause of your death. Having posted this, it wont be hard for them to find her. It will crush her big time, as she will blame herself. This I can promise you.Whatever you settle on, I hope you end up somewhere better than where you are now.Take careElzith.', 'Not the same for everyone. Many people say it goes away, just have to give it time. Though the majority of people I have spoken to all say the same thing. Treatable but not curable.', 'It really depends on what sort of therapy youre doing.Some will just sit and listen whilst they ask you questions about your life. Some will offer advice and try come up with solutions with you. Some a mixture of both.It really just comes down to the person. Whatever happens, theyre not just going to brush you off :S Promise.Hope things get better. Feel free to reply/message if you want too hear more about what goes on (Had 6 sessions, finished them a while back)', 'I have nothing to live for really, apart from to help others, so can relate. Will most likely get buried..but..will take it as a challenge ^^1) Stopped giving a shit. Dont want to live anymore? Then fear simply does not exist anymore. Can do anything you Hyperactive behavior without caring for the consequences to yourself. Skydiving, safarii, something fun ^^2) Cause fuck the world. Cause fuck them for driving someone down so very far.3) Contribute. Dunno if youre that sorta person, but art..music..dance, could do something through that.4) Never know, cant get any worse so has to get better5) To set an example. At the end of the day, who else is going to try and make the world a better place so others do not have to suffer through the same shit as you did, if you yourself just give up and let it all lay.And..thats all I have right now', 'Well then, there we go ^^ Glad youre feeling better.', 'Spend time with her when she gets back. Thats really all I can offer as help..just make sure she is not alone -at all- when she gets back (Or as much as possible) I can promise you that knowing someone is there for her, someone that cares will be a big help.When she does go to Uni, is there any chance you can visit her rather frequently?', 'I can tell you to seek help..that Suicide is not the right thing to do and all, that life will get better and all. And it will.But if youre making this as a rational decision, I dont feel there is anything I can do..which Im sorry for. Im sorry for whatever it is that has happened to you, just wish you had had someone there to help you through .If you want somebody to talk to, about this or just about the weather, give me a shout.', 'Rather than going way, I found it just becomes..normal. I cant remember what being happy is even Hyperactive behavior any more, just get sort of Numbness to the effects at the end of the day I suppose.', 'I doubt it. If you manage to drink the whole thing (I take it youre young and not used to drink) which would be next to impossible, you will just need to get your stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning (Which aint fun..trust me)It;s much more likely you would just throw up or collapse before that point. Besides, its really not worth it.', 'I cant possibly see this as a good idea..one of the main reasons people love this subreddit is, to my mind, they may talk and get things off their chest without fear of reprisal.Who has the right to force someone to carry on? Their life, their decision.']

Supportive

user-134

['Thank you so much for this.', 'I dont know what to say. I dont even know how to feel or if my emotions are justified. I know that my dad has a right to be frustrated with me. After I lost my job, the bills started to pill on and now theyre hovering over my head like a storm cloud.But its not the fact that Ive lost my job and have no room to my own thats bothering me right now. Its the hurtful things he said to me this morning.Now Im too Anxiety to sleep, I feel worse about myself than I have in the past few weeks. The last time my father hugged me or showed any visible/palpable affection towards me was when I graduated high school five years ago. I had to graduate for him to tell me he was proud of me and that he loved me.Most of the time its static apathy or blatant resentment. There is no warmth there. Im always on eggshells around him. Which hurts even worse because I used to be a real daddys girl. We used to be close, when I was a child and things werent so complicated.Things between us fragmented over the years and I can count the amounts of affection Ive had that are the most memorable.High school graduation being the most recent, the one before that was when I had a panic attack in the car when my brothers and my parents were in it. (I was around 15-16 years old) and I said that if my brothers werent in the car I would have crashed it... I was followed around the house by both of my parents while I looked for something to Pain myself. Finally got a hug and an I love you from him, then... It makes me wonder what measures I have to take to get that sort of attention... Ive been sitting here looking at my own bloodshot eyes in the mirror and wondering if I tried to OD if my dad would be there in the hospital when I woke up. It makes me wonder if hed tell me he loved me. Whats worse is that I dont know if I would believe him at this point.I dont want to die.But I dont want to be around right now, if that makes sense...The closest thing to what I want would be a coma... Somewhere in limbo where my brain can shut down for a while and the world could stop turning in my mind for a second...Im scared. Im sad. And I argue with myself over how pathetic it is to fixate myself on one emotion for hours on end instead of doing something about it.But its a lot like being stuck with your back against a wall, bracing yourself for the impact of an oncoming tidal wave. You want to get out, and you know that when it hits you- youre going to have to fight the tide but at this point Im unsure of just how much strength I have left to try and get myself to the surface when it collides...All I can do is cry. I know it will pass but right now Im just terrified and at a loss.']

Behavior

user-306

['That Anxiety Mental Depression sounds brutal. Have you gotten any professional advice, or tried things Hyperactive behavior Abnormal dreams aerobic exercise or deep breathing exercises?Maybe the degree you are studying for is not what you really want to do. Does it help others in some way? Have you done a kind deed recently? There is someone Social fear and dying alone in a nursing home or hospice near you right now, maybe you could do something for them? Or go to an animal shelter and walk one of the dogs that is locked up all day.', 'Zoloft and Lexapro and Effexor all made my Mental Depression worse, and almost killed me. I would try to ge off of them if i were you, and just be regularly Depressed mood Hyperactive behavior most people instead of actively suicidal.', 'Well maybe you should smoke some weed then. God put it on earth so people could deal with all the shit.', 'Sorry you are in a tough spot. Without getting into philosophy, here ae some practical tips:You may have to look for a job away from your family. T is scary and sucky but youll be okay.Finance and business are filled with scumbags. Since you have time, contact a nonprofit nearby and offer to volunteer one day a week. This will help you form a network, maybe meet friends, maybe even turn it into a job or gain some experience.The internet thing is hard for sure. Even though everything is digital nowadays, spend $20 or whatever and get some cards printed up with your name, email, and phone number. Play around with the design a little bit, and write something Hyperactive behavior "professional problem solver" or "apprentice jack of all trades" and give one to people. You could go to a local hardware store for example and say you are enthusiastic and looking for work, maybe you will get a job and learn about drills and meet the Dewalt rep.You could also start your own business - how about detailing peoples cars while they are in their office? If you do a good iob on some VPs mercedes maybe he will think to hire you.', 'Geez, that could be my story, except I have made it to age 36. I hang in there because every once in a while I meet a wonderful woman who makes me forget the pain, and I feel really good. I have those little whispers while she is with me that it could end at any second. And then it does, she dumps me, and there is a suicidal downward spiral. It works out to about 98% misery and 2% happiness for me and I guess that trade off keeps me going.', 'Relevant username!', 'What do you Irritable Mood by a person you shouldnt love?', 'I think it is pretty well proven that Phobia, Social media makes Mental Depression worse. Your mom is right about broadcasting Mental Depression. It is hard not to in real life, but on Phobia, Social media you could broadcast lies and pretend to be happy say stuff Hyperactive behavior "i am so happy today saw a cute kitten" or whatever.', 'Lie.', 'It is strange that you apologized for your English skills, when they are fine. I wish I could speak a second language. Thats great you have a girlfriend. I just got dumped bu a girl I was dating, and I dont even know why, I really enjoyed spending time with her and I really believed the feeling was mutual.That is good you are in therapy, i have tried it before and if I could get out of bed I would do it again.', 'I am in the same boat as you. My parents are good people and raised me well and with love, i was just born broken and defective. Once they are both gone I will off myself. ', 'Way more people are killed by dogs than rattlesnakes every year. Where do you live? Your best species for death would be a Mojave green or a timber rattler. But it will be incredibly painful and there is a good chance you will live, especially if you are bit on the hand or foot as opposed to the neck.', 'And who says the military is an easy life? Seems Hyperactive behavior the most depressing horrible job ever. I Irritable Mood just look at the statistics of how many service members commit suicide.', 'Maybe. My D levels are normal but i have lived my whole life in a pit of drakness. I take additional vitmanin D becsuse it is inexpensive and i seem to get Nausea less often when I take it. It cant Chest Pain anyways.', 'Bye Drew, sad to see you go. But we will all die, so good on you for doing it on your own terms.', 'You are way harder on yourself than she is. Maybe she is terrible at chess or is missing half an ear and thinks she is ugly, but you would still be with her.', 'How did you pull it together to get a masters degree? ', 'Another thought, if you go to your employer and say you are an alcoholic or mentally disabled I am pretty sure they cant fire you, they have to give you time for treatment. ', 'Or go for the gold, mushrooms!', 'Is your birthday coming up? You could host a nice birthday party and see everyone and then check out after that. Or if you cant wait that long, have some other party or organize a rafting trip or barbeque chili cook off or something.', 'Take a giant deep breath, as slowly as possible. Once your lungs are totally full and you can feel them stretch, hold for 10 seconds and let it burn. Breathe out, as sloooow as possible. When your lungs are Depersonalization, push out that last little bit of air and hold your lungs Depersonalization for ten seconds.Repeat three times please.', 'People break up. You are dealing with being sober. Dont apologize and for goodness sake stop with the Facebook already.', 'Do you get out in nature much, or have a chance to have a garden or hunt or fish? ', 'Does your school have mixers or reunions for alumni?You could join a Toastmasters group and improve your public speaking and maybe network.There must be some "american association of financial analysts" type professional organization with a chapter in Chicago, you could give them a ring and offer to help organize their next meeting or maybe they have a happy hour once a month.', 'I dont have any advice for you, sorry. Just wanted to say that you are a good person and there arent many people Hyperactive behavior you.', 'Your logic is good and you have a sense of humor.', 'Yeah thats a tough one. I try to help people Hyperactive behavior beggars and stuff but if I gave a dollar to every one I see i would be out of money in a very short time. And a couple weeks ago i saw an old crippled man begging. I gave him a buck, and he immediately asked me for 2 bucks and it made me feel bad. No one else nearby gave him anything. It hurts to care and try.', 'I dont believe anyone reading through SuicideWatch is completely happy. And are you 27?', 'How old are your kids? Are they into anything? More than money I think they need a father. Can you take a day and do something special with them? ', 'That sucks. Why not move to a city where you dont need a car?', 'Dude, if you dont die you should totally get yourself to the US, or australia or new zealand. You wont starve to death, and women will be iterested in you as soon as you talk to them because of your accent. A scottish lad would do great in New York City, you would have to have roomates but you are young and could start a whole new life.', 'That must be awesome to be attractive and have people asking you out, and then taking you out.', 'Maybe he realizes there is no such thing as "help". Sure the doctor/pharmaceutical complex sees him as a customer but really some people are just born to suffer.', 'It will be bad, but maybe after five days you will feel better and can kick the Drug craving for good. Generally stopping cold turkey is not advised.', 'I am way older than you and havent figured out how to enjoy much so far. I had fun once, two summers ago swimming in the ocean. It hit me, oh, this is what people Irritable Mood when they say they are having "fun" or enjoying themselves. But thanks, you are a good person and it sucks how good people suffer meanwhile scumbags have happy lives.', 'Check your life insurance policy, most have exemptions for suicide. Shitty, right? So you would have to make sure it does not look Hyperactive behavior a suicide.', 'You should form a straight edge hardcore band and beat up the audience members when they come on stage. Like a straight edge GG Allin (self harmer nutcase) crossed with Henry Rollins.', 'It is nice that you are trying, but some people are just here to suffer and die. Your friend may be one of those people where no amount of therapy or pills or ECT will ever help.My advice wpuld be to take your friend bowling or to a rope swing or some kind of physical activity, maybe a roller coaster? It may provide some minutes or moments of relief. Talking or watching tv does not do that.']

Ideation

user-480

['Yes.', 'Not really. I guess Roy (FE6) or Link. WW Link to be exact.', 'The disease is the most prominent thing, yes. Im not sure if a hotline would really help. I have a psychiatrist (dont exactly know how to spell that, im not from an English speaking country) but i think my problem really just lies in the Ache and how it affects my life. Was just wondering if someone would know how to, i dunno, help me live with it?', 'Not really. I have a lot of people around me whom i love, school was good before the Ache too.EDIT: how did you get through your Mental Depression or whatever it was?', 'Hi, sorry for the late response, PC was malfunctioning. Ill Attention Deficit Disorder him, see if i get along with him. I dont really have a favorite hero btw :)', 'I play that and Dota. ', 'I need to watch some old Disney stuff, see if that cheers me up haha.', 'Thank you :)', 'Its not really a disease anymore. Just imagine the worst stomachache youve ever had, times 1.5 and thats what i have 24/7. And it makes me feel bad emotionally and physically, physically because of the Ache and emotionally because it bums me out. And im extremely open to everyone i trust, and they really are trying to help. Its just that, its kind of hard to do something about it. The only thing they can really do is be there for me. Im actually REALLY happy that ive got so many people around me whom i love.', 'I kinda have hope but its just depleting. Im getting the results of a test in a week or so and most of my hope lies on that.', 'Thats a really good advice. Reminds me ive got a list with a billion movies on it that i still want to see haha.', 'Roy is kinda useless unless you give hem exp priority which is rather impossible from chapter 6 onward imo. Also i have a WW Link plush haha.Anyway, i dont really know. I think its just something that comes and goes. It started about 1-2 years ago though i think. By the way, since we are so off-topic lets PM haha', 'My little brother would always watch Ratatouille when he came home when he was 7, my big brother would watch Finding Nemo twice a day when he was three, im really the only one in this house that does not have an emotional attachment to a Disney movie haha.^edit: ^I ^just ^recalled ^I ^watched ^the ^shit ^out ^of ^Wall-E.', 'My teacher had the same advice. Just sit it out and try to keep yourself entertained/distracted. The wait is just... so long.', 'Playing the game helps me kind of... escape life. If im particularly sad i can always just go play Dota and ill end up a lot happier. Its one of the few things that distracts me in such a way that i barely feel the Ache whilst playing.', 'This. Thank you for this. There will come a day when i too, will not have Ache. It can take a while but i should always follow the light at the end of the tunnel until ive reached it :)', 'Well im kinda fine with the things i do. Ive tried 1781.5 different hobbies and only one was fun haha, gaming.']

Indicator

user-319

['Nothing. Unhappy is *normal*. Or perhaps more accurately, happy is the exception - happiness only happens periodically. Its what makes the rest of the mediocre and unhappy times worthwhile. This is fundamental to the human condition. This is not as hopeless as it sounds - people are perfectly capable of being contented with mediocre, and essentially just being chill with the idea of the happy times being something to look forward to, and the rest being basically pointless. We evolved that way - mostly work (hunting, gathering) with the good times in the evening around the fire. It is when we start to believe that happy is normal, that everyone else is happy and theres something wrong with us if were not perpetually cheerful, that we get wound-up and Stress with the mediocre times, and *everything* then becomes an effortful struggle to get to that mythical place where everyone is happy.Theres nothing wrong with you. Perhaps more significantly, theres nothing *different* about you either. The vast majority of people are at about the same place as you are. You can learn to live well with it, and to enjoy and look forward to the evenings around the fire.', 'I just read the thread from yesterday, as well as this one. Youve heard this from your friends, but it sounds Hyperactive behavior they didnt communicate it to you very well. You are looking for something outside of yourself to fix the misery that youre feeling - friends, relationship, whatever. The fix has to be out there if you can just find it. Its not. Not for you, and not for anyone. Bear with me before getting Anger or hopeless, just a couple more minutes, k?You said in the thread yesterday that you are self-centered, and in your note today that you are selfish. Im going to have to disagree with you on that one too. The problem, bizarrely, is that you are not selfish or self-centered *enough*. Let me explain.Correct me if Im wrong - I easily could be - but you feel as though if you could just be nice enough, humble enough, self-effacing enough, gentle enough that people would Hyperactive behavior you, care about you, even love you. And youve tried it, but it hasnt worked, so you tried harder, and it still didnt work, so youre just not good enough at it, and youre fundamentally and irreversibly too selfish and theres nothing you can ever do. Thats how you feel, but its not working.You need to take back all that effort. All the energy that youve spent trying to be what other people will Hyperactive behavior, all the time youve put into earning their affection. Take it back, and use it for yourself. Be Anger. Rage at the walls. Rage at the universe. Rage at that fucked-up society that preaches humility and self-sacrifice while punishing those who are humble and self-sacrificing. You dont need to be Anger at your friends and family - theyre no more to blame than you are. But its time to take care of yourself. Do stuff for you, not other people. Others will Hyperactive behavior you because they choose to, not because you earn it. In fact, the less you try to earn it, and be what you think others want, the more they Hyperactive behavior you. Sounds backwards, but thats actually what happens - one of those fucked-up human paradoxes.So what do you actually *do*. First, think of some activity you can do that is just for you - just because you decided. If theres something you Hyperactive behavior, you can do that, but I know when youre Depressed mood you sometimes cant even think of something you enjoy. So do something just because you can. Buy some balloons and blow them up in a parking lot - then pop them all. Drive to some godforsaken hick town in the middle of nowhere and buy a Dr Pepper at the Flatulence station. Go for a swim. Doesnt matter. The point is that you do it for you.Thats just the start, but thats the pattern you need to follow. And its going to feel wrong, because it doesnt make sense in the if-you-want-something-you-have-to-work-for-it way that weve been taught. But people dont work that way - thats for luxury cars. And as your friends see you starting to take care of yourself, theyll quickly see that *youre not asking them to do it all any more*, at which point they will be there for you more, because it will be easier for them to be there for you. I know you said that youd go to hell and back for your friends, and I believe you. They may very well be willing to do that too, but that doesnt Irritable Mood that theyre strong enough to do so. Caring enough about someone to help them and being *able* to help them dont always come hand in hand. Its not because they dont care about you, its simply because they cant - dont know how, or just arent strong enough.I dont know if this has helped at all, or how far it might take you if it has. Please let me know if you need to know anything else.', 'Telling her that it would Chest Pain you to see her go, can backfire. Theres a risk of adding Stress and Guilt to all the other painful feelings. For some people it can be what they need to keep them from the edge - for others it can push them over it. You need to know the person well before even having an idea of which one it would be.', 'Are you willing to wait until spring? Can you imagine the peace of your final sunset, looking out across blossoms and warm winds? Im assuming youre not in the southern hemisphere, of course. Beautiful sights, the sounds of life returning to the world, and the smells of spring. Those would be good sensations to take with you.The answer to your question is not just about height, its about what you land on, and which bit of you lands first. Land on stone or concrete, and land with your head. (Please dont yell at me for answering the question rather than saying "dont do it" - better that he tries and succeeds, in this case, than tries and maims himself). Every yard taller the building is, is about 1mph faster, until you reach terminal velocity at about 100 yards, or about 35 storeys.The problem is that the surer you try to be, the higher you have to jump from, and so the longer you have to change your mind on the way down. Thats not a hypothetical scenario either - people do occasionally survive jumping, and that mid-point regret is not uncommon.Mid-winter is in 4 weeks, literally the darkest point of the year, in every sense. Would you be willing to set a Hypothermia, natural date for the end? Something magical, a date to rejoin the person youre missing? Spring solstice, or the appearance of the first blossoms on the trees?', 'Id second this. Try another shrink - psychiatrist (drug-prescriber) or psychologist (talk-therapy). There are good ones, and there are bad ones. And there are lousy ones, and awful ones, and ones who quite frankly ought to be taken out back and shot. Shop around, if you can, until you find someone who makes you feel better. If they dont, then theyre not the right shrink for you - no shrink can help all patients, and no patient can be helped by all shrinks. Nature of the beast :)', 'With regard to number 2 - think about how bad your injuries would have to be to make you feel as bad physically as you actually do emotionally. Is it a bruise? A few scratches? A small fracture? A broken limb? Severed limbs, gushing blood, and exposed internal organs that would make Eli Roth vomit? If youre seriously considering ending it, and people could see physically what youre going through mentally, there would be tears, there would be fainting, and there would be surgeons working round the clock. The Ache is real - dont tell yourself you need to suck it up just because other people cant see it.', 'First off: get the gun. Get the fucking gun before you do anything else. If youre afraid that shell be Anger, get the ammo instead. Dont let her have the means to take her own life that easily. If someone really, truly wants to die, then they will - but a gun means that they only have to really want it for about 10 seconds, and its done. Very little time to have doubts.Second: its difficult to know what to advise in terms of longer-term help without having some idea of her symptoms and history. If her mood is all over the place - up and down randomly, plunging into Feeling despair without warning - then there may be a relatively simple pharmacological solution. If her problem is recurring memories or feelings from whats happened in her past, you may be looking at PTSD, which needs an entirely different approach. And thats just two of the possibilities.Third: there is no known effective way of preventing Suicide long-term. The only thing that actually works is having someone there with her, and it only really works as long as that person is there. And unless youre planning to put her in the secure wing of a mental hospital, thats not a long-term prevention. The following is an *idea*, not a suggestion, just something for you to Attention Deficit Disorder to your collection of ideas before deciding what to do. I dont know enough about her to be able to say whether it would be a good or bad idea. That will have to be your call: Tell her that taking her own life is her choice to make - she has that right, and you wont prevent her. She has the right to make the Ache stop, if thats what she has to do. Often just knowing that one is *allowed* to make the Ache stop makes it easier to deal with it while it continues. Then ask her if she would be willing to put the gun into a locked case (it may already have one) which can be padlocked, and then give *you* the key. If she makes the decision to take her life, tell her she can get the key from you just by asking for it. If she thinks youll try to stop her, point out that the case can be opened quite easily with a crowbar. This will Attention Deficit Disorder a delay to any decision to take her life - either the time to get the key from you (and if she asks, then you do indeed give it to her) or the time to force the box open. The additional factor of forcing her to see, or at the very least think about, you may give her doubts.Lastly: Im going to guess from the way that you write that youre in your early 20s. Please correct me if Im wrong. The intensity of the feelings that you have for her are going to get in the way of you being able to help her. Sorry, but they will. No matter what you do or how much you care, you are *always* going to have somewhere in your mind the fear of losing her, and therefore a desire to avoid your *own* Ache. No matter how selfless you are, you have, as it were, a dog in this fight - you already said that youre afraid to go to her family in case you lose her. You may be able to help her through this on your own, but it is going to damage you really, really badly. Get someone independent and objective on your side. If you cant get her to see a professional, then go and see one yourself. A psychologist should be willing to help, even knowing that youre not the one whos actually in danger.Postscript: if you end up determining that she does need - and benefit from - medication, you can get most psychoactives cheaply from pharmacists in India. Thats where most countries that have universal healthcare get them from anyway.', 'Its hard to do this over the internet, rather than in person, but Im going to try anyway.Theres nothing that anyone could write in less than really-large-book form that would get you from where you are to where you want to be. Thats the joy of the human mind - its big, incredibly complex, contains trillions of interconnecting ideas, and therefore there is no quick way to change it. The place where you are now - and tell me if Im talking crap - is one where you are trying to filter through and understand all that information, and all of the feelings youve had for years, and then predict not only whats going to happen if you choose any one of a number of options, but also whether the possible conclusion to the attempted clairvoyance will then be what makes you happy.Or to put it another way, youre trying to understand your entire brain, every thought, experience, and emotion, AND predict multiple futures, AND THEN predict your entire brain IN those multiple futures. Its very ambitious, and most people would never think that big, but might I suggest something a little less taxing, to begin with at least? :)I want you to make a list of things that you enjoy. Not things that you should enjoy, or things that sound good, or things that were cool back when you were 9 and you think you should try taking up again. Things that actually give you pleasure, even the smallest amount, right now. As long as theres one item on the list, then thats fine. Doesnt have to be anything significant. At one point in my life the list consisted of:a) I Hyperactive behavior the first drag of a cigarette.b) I Hyperactive behavior to drink cold water.This is the starting point for figuring out what makes you happy now, and so therefore what you might be able to go and do that would make you feel happier right now. From here, you can move on to other ideas that might make you happy now, but youre not sure (possibly because theyre a bit scary too, Hyperactive behavior going to a bar and chatting someone up), and then perhaps things that you know will make you happy, but in a couple of days (ordering a couple of REALLY nice cigars online might be my example).Like I said, this is a long process. If you Hyperactive behavior, you can write back here, or privately, you can perhaps find someone (professional, or at least with some training) to help you along with this process, or you can simply take it from here yourself - entirely your call.Good luck.']

Ideation

user-243

['Dont kill yourself OP. Right now you have something to live for. Even if you dont win your daughter, that doesnt mean that you cant ever visit her. You should ask the judge that if you lose, that you at least can keep track of her. And that youll be the 2nd parent if where she lives right now turns out too bad. And if you cant ever visit her, you can tell her when she turns 18 what a bitch her mom was. Your Feeling angry and Pain would probably have calmed down by then, but it gives you a goal.']

Supportive

user-54

['you guys bring tears to my eyes. the fact that a complete stranger goes out of their way to help me. i cant take it. Im so grateful for you people, you are the ones who really make a difference. I wish i could just give everyone whatever it is they needed so that they could be happy. I am hopelessly hopeful but I respect you all a lot. I debated joining the marine corps and for reasons i couldnt join but I guess if i become this doctor i could still be that person I want to be right? Im so bad with words these days, everything was so much easier when I was a kid', 'i like you. i really want to help people but I have so many problems its so hard to keep going sometimes. Im waiting to seek therapy i just got approved for medicaid im in the us. im unemployed and a full time student right now so but the medicaid doesnt start until may 1st so ill have to stick it out until then. Ive always struggled with Depression but I dont like the idea of taking medication. Thank you so much for your kindness I hope I can save many lives one day thats my dream is to protect people.']

Ideation

user-363

['Even though I survived my attempt it still pains my dad to look at me sometimes. He feels Hyperactive behavior he failed as a father for letting me get to that point. So I have instead devoted my time to making it up to everyone and proving that it was never their fault and that I care for them. Every time I look at my scar I renew my promise to be better, for my friends and family.', 'My dad was a police officer for 14 years. He witnessed two suicides of guys he met about 2 minutes before they pulled the trigger. My friends always call my dad the most badass person they ever met and they dont know that 11 years later he still wakes up almost every night because he sees them occur in his dreams over and over again. It would be even worse for your family. There would bend "getting over it" for them. The reason you cant just do it is because your heart is telling you that you deserve to live and find a better solution than suicied. Being myself a Suicide survivor I can attest that I felt so much better when I looked and found that I wasnt just "wanted", but was "needed". And you are needed too. I can say with 100% certainty that somewhere there is a person whose life will cease to ever be happy or meaningful if you are gone. There is soo much good and greatness that you are capable of if you just look for it.', 'you should go outside and look at the stars. every star is someone somewhere we would love to meet you and talk to you and love you. you just havnt met them yet. these people would love to give you their 100%. and somewhere out there they are praying that you end up meeting them. you just need to be prepared to look long distances to find them. and remember, there are always more stars than meets the eye.', 'First off, format is non-existent on reddit. Second, I can actually say I understand the young age Mental Depression you had. I suffered from it too. Sitting there just hating myself and wondering why because I didnt even have a reason. Then getting so pissed that I didnt and becoming more Depressed mood. But I have never faced a delimna of not being satisfied with my gender I can say there are parts of me that I can never be happy with or ever want. It sucks being stuck in that situation, having to pick between what is allowed and what you want. Another thing you must realize is that we as humans were made to never fully be happy with ourselves. We are constant self demotivaters. And to be honest while I can say I couldnt personally entertain the the thought of getting a sex change, I find absolutely nothing disgusting about it.And I can tell you right now, YOUR PARENTS WILL ALWAYS PICK YOU OVER ANYBODY ELSE. Even their own parents. If not then they are terrible parents. you are the most important thing in their lives. But a way I would suggest telling them is by getting them alone and telling them one at a time. If you can convince one of them that this is what you really want then you can get their support in telling the other. Divide and conquer as the British always put it.And as for you ending it, there is not a worse decision to be made. Can you imagine how everyone would feel? There are people who only glance at you whenever you walk by who would feel terrible because they feel Hyperactive behavior should have stopped and talked to you. And they probably should. But not everything works the way it should. We just need to know that it isnt our fault. I tried distracting myself with video games for a while too. And books and all manner of entertainment. But what you have to do is just go out and start talking. And find somebody who likes to listen. You may find somebody who you have never seen or heard of before and realize that they are all it takes to make you happy. I found someone who was the only person who could make me completely forget all the bad things that I have done. And you know what? We later ended up not even working our relationship out. It soured and ended rather badly. But you know that kind of excites me, because that means there is someone who fits me even better than her out there waiting to meet me. There is always someone who will be perfect for you. Who will love and cherish you the way you are or want to be. They just dont want to find out that you committed Suicide. They want to know that you are searching for them, waiting for them.Now coming out will Chest Pain your family. But it will make it stronger over time too. It will prove to all of your family that they know they can trust each other and you will all love each other more. But if you kill yourself now, they will never be able to heal. The body can recover from a cut, but not the loss of a limb. You are a very important and desperately needed limb. Now you have to eat and Hypersomnia and be strong. It hurts to wait. But I found out that the wait is well worth it. Now I cant tell you how to block out those feelings of Mental Depression and loneliness. Everyone suffers and heals differently. But I would suggest hanging around friends and trying to find new friends, even if they live nowhere near you. But the more you talk to them, the more you may realize that your friends are as dependent upon your safety and well being as they are on oxygen. There is no substitute for "you".', 'It wont be a relief for others. It will be a nightmare. A nightmare that will follow a large number of them around for the rest of their lives.I found out long ago that nothing is inevitable. I stabbed myself in the heart just over a year ago, and am still alive today. I still dont know how I lived through it but I realized that killing myself would make everything worse. You dont have to believe in god or Mohamed or anything, but you do have a purpose for existing. Neither god, nor Mohamed nor Mother Nature, ever makes a mistake. There are reasons for everything. And those reasons want you to keep living.And the Ache does go away. It may take a while, maybe decades, but it will go away. And when it is gone it is the sweetest thing you can ever imagine. But that doesnt come 100% naturally, it needs your help and effort. Just hang in there and you will one day see what I mean. Peace, hope and love. Dont give up.', 'Agree, the more people that can be there for her the better. Maybe keep it to a number that she can definitely feel close to all of them. But there should be multiple to give her support.', 'both you and your sister should write letters/lists about how kind and how important of a person he is to you. you also need to make sure your sister does not beat herself up over this. she should resolve to be more visibly Disturbance in attention to him so he knows he is loved. but she cannot put all the blame on herself. being a registered Mental Depression i can account that we usually hide our Mental Depression and then randomly get upset and more Depressed mood when others dont see it. but the best thing for her to do is to hug him as tight as possible when she sees him again. we may hate it at first but us Depressed mood really being held in the long run. personally i have never liked being stroked while being hugged. it made me feel Hyperactive behavior an animal or an object rather than a human. but when somone held me so tight and close Hyperactive behavior they could never bear to let me go again, that made me feel much be more alive and wanted.', 'Killing yourself does not get rid of the Ache. It is the worst right at the end and thats what it stays at if you die. The worst torment imaginable of having less than no hope. In your last second you get hit with the knowledge that you committed the ultimate failure. I can guarantee you that ending it for yourself will only bring Ache. No happiness. No relief. No sanction. Just so much more Ache. And the internal shame that follows it.', 'Life can just be stressful cant it? What you should try is journaling. But this journal is a "purely positive" journal. Write in it every day, sometimes more. And what you should write about are all the good things that happened or existed that day. For example, you could start by writing about how loving and caring your family is. Then talk about how nice the weather is and how a random person smiled at you nicely for no reason other than to just smile. You will find that there is so much that can cheer you up by continually looking on the bright side.Also remember that all the responsibilities you have come with somebody depending on you, and while they may not be able to show it, they are extremely grateful to have somebody as awesome as you in there lives to help them along. We all have our struggles, but some of us do get tasked harder. And thats because those that do are stronger and more enduring than a normal person. You are a great contribution to those around you, please dont ever forget that.Now as for the lorazepam, I personally have never trusted man made pills to fully fix what we were given by nature. What you have to do is try to find Hypothermia, natural solutions, Hyperactive behavior more exercise or righter light bulbs (which are actually very helpful). And it is more than ok to ask for a little break from everyone every now and then. But keep in mind that there is no perfect solution and there will always be low times. But we prove our worth by showing how far we can climb out of the "low" spots.Happy New Years. Persevere', 'as proof of \xc2\xa8flaws\xc2\xa8 being agood thing, did you know humans became hairless as a result of uncleanliness. that led to the developement of clothes and helped us better bond into cultures. Also humans brains developed as a result of the greed flaw. we were ettracted to fatty foods and sugars that helped form our brain matter and nerves. we as humans are supposed to be flawed. these flaws are what helps us be individuals and not brainless drones. you have so much to give to all the world that only YOU can give because of your specific flaws. so much that they are a gift.', 'Left and came back to this page 30 times and never saw it till you pointed it out. Thats how insignificant typos are. If it would make you feel better, listen to the problems of those who listen to yours. And try to help them figure theirs out. You dont have to have amazing solutions, they will feel so much better just from knowing that your listening. They will appreciate you so much more. You are a vital part of EVERYTHING around you. Keep on trying. And enjoy having the new year. Because it certainly enjoys you.', 'The answer is not to kill yourself. The answer is to find those things, those people in life that make you feel good.(not drugs). You have to deal Hyperactive behavior the rest of us do, endure. It will be depressing at some points. Even a majority of the time. But you have to keep trying. Because there will be a time when you no longer feel Hyperactive behavior this. When all there is, is happiness. Happiness so good it will have been well worth the effort. Happiness that feels too good to be real, and then you realize that it is. Peace, love and hope my friend. Dont give up.', 'have a "faith night". on that night you get your friends together and you show your faith in them by truthfully answering any and all questions they ask.i did it and there was one question i was one question i was Anxiety they were going to ask. when they were done after a million questions, i asked why they didnt ask that one. they replied that the answered didnt matter to them. they still loved me.what you really need to do is show your friends and family that you love them through your actions. by doing that youll see how much they actually NEED you. you are worth more than a note and a bathtub. dont sell yourself short.']

Attempt

user-50

['U will get through this. Maybe scream instead of cry. I would rather be angry then sad. Your strong,amazing and resilient. This too shall pass', 'Im new to reddit. I never thought about suicide but I have had some pretty shitty thoughts sometimes. To me it looks like u need a fresh start. Go to college and have fun. There are loans you can do with out a co signer. Be happy day by day.find a hobbie, sweat it out with exercise. Focus on the little things that make you happy. Make those things a big part of your life. Girls will come and go. Doesnt matter what you look like. If you think your the bomb.com others will too. Give the universe what u want in return. I know its hard but you will prevail.I like to make a list of what I want in life and go for it little by little. Now go play a video game, smell or fart under a cover, watch a good movie.I hope this helps. You seem pretty fuckin awesome to me!!!']

Supportive

user-456

['Im pretty sure they cant just lock you up Hyperactive behavior that... I hope...If you found counseling bad before, try a different person. You really have to get a good personality match with a counselor; if they dont get you, its just a waste of time. Please dont just give up; it could make a huge difference for you. And maybe tell the counselor youve had bad experiences before with counseling feeling Hyperactive behavior you were being scolded.', ':( Im sorry. Are you getting treated?', 'You are completely right -- what I meant is that I have a family history of Mental Depression, and the genetic component is predominant for me. My life is going really well -- my environmental Mental Depression triggers are pretty much nil, and I have great Mental Depression treatment. Its Hyperactive behavior alcoholism or Obesity (which was recently categorized as a disease): I may be sober, thin and happy, but the condition is always there, ready to take over if I allow it. Unlike some people, I will always have Mental Depression, even if its dormant or in remission. Looking back on my life I have felt Hyperactive behavior a rock skipping on a pond -- I may fly Drug abuse for a while but I always come back to rock-bottom again sooner or later :(TL:DR Edit: I am definitely not wallowing -- I am getting help in the ways you describe! But as you know, optimal treatment is different for different people, and it can be very hard to find the right combination.', 'I wish that more people understood that my Mental Depression is a physical disorder; I dont want to be Depressed mood and I certainly wouldnt choose it. I experience a chemical imbalance; I dont have enough dopamine in my system, so I dont experience that satisfying rush of pleasure when I do good things. I am only getting the unhappy chemicals, so anything bad makes me feel horrible, mentally and physically, and there is nothing I can do to change it.', 'Im glad youre looking at treatment. Please dont give up -- there are a lot of options and it might take a long time to find the right one, but its out there. Someone else mentioned about vitamin D/sunlight -- I dont know whether youve had bloodwork done to check for any problems there, but my doctor told me to take supplements of vitamins B12 and D, and it has made a marginal difference in my health.On the upside, at least your skin cancer risk is miniscule :P', 'Step one is to leave the house. Just take a walk if nothing else -- explore your neighborhood. It may be too late in the summer, but having a job gives me a ton of self-satisfaction. Your mood has momentum, and once youre stalled Hyperactive behavior this it takes a big push to get it rolling again. If you can think of anything to do, anything at all -- alphabetize something, change your room around -- that might make you feel Hyperactive behavior youve done something for the day, do that. You could always learn some Phobia, Social skills theory, then practice later with observation. As a teen I read a bunch of basic body language and communication books and went from being socially awkward to somewhat popular. Take your book to a park, coffee shop, cafe, mall, etc., and try to figure out discreetly what people might be thinking or feeling based only on their expressions and body language. Its something, at least... if you have nothing else to do.', 'Yeah, you need counseling. You are the person that counseling was invented for -- someone who is having trouble coping with the shit that life throws at them. Edit: I dont Irritable Mood this in a rude way; you obviously have far more on your plate than any one person can handle alone. I really hope you get professional counseling; it sounds Hyperactive behavior it will help you a lot.', 'I also Forgetfulness to ask if you think you have PTSD from the Abnormal behavior shit youve been through. And I want to commend you for being there for your friends.', 'I partly agree with you. I definitely have wallowing in bed days -- I think it can be good sometimes. On the other hand, Irritable Mood and emotional health are very much tied to overall health. My dad is a doctor and he sees that a lot of his elderly patients will hold on to life until after a big event such as a birthday or holiday and then pass on a few days afterward. Wanting or trying to be healthy is positively correlated with health. Some people are Nausea despite their best efforts, while others wallow and dont make an effort. I think it is deleterious, if not downright wrong, for anyone to assume that a Nausea person isnt trying to get better.', 'I feel the same way. I understand that people are in Ache, and as a Mental Depression sufferer who went through a long road to recovery (and still has regular maintenance Hyperactive behavior daily medicine and exercise) I know that Ache and my response is still to want them to pull it together.Dont get me wrong. Ive been in that kind of Ache and I am not trying to write it off by any means. Im just saying that Ive been in that terrible valley, and it was horrible and I climbed out, and I want to tell them not to give up, that they can climb out too, that its better on the other side... but thats not helpful when youre contemplating suicide.The number one thing I almost post to these people that is never helpful is to give it another day. Sleep on it; you can always kill yourself tomorrow if you change your mind. Nobody wants to hear that. Suicide comes from a place of immediate, unbearable Ache.', 'Hey there. I also have Mental Depression and the pills and so forth. Forgive my triteness here: youre living in a life that doesnt excite you. Thats probably partly because of screwy brain chemistry and partly because you have a routine (or lack thereof) that you dislike. Maybe you have nothing in your life right now to live for, but that doesnt Irritable Mood there arent things that are worth living for. Say screw it and do something entirely different. If your alternative is killing yourself, then you really do have all the time you want to basically fuck around, travel, write, game, or whatever you want. ']

Ideation

user-174

['Im sorry I couldnt answer sooner. I was away for the weekend. Im Tired glad you made plans and didnt give up. You can get through this. You have it in you I promise.I know you dont feel like doing anything or getting out right now but you can be happy again. You have made a habit of isolating yourself and feeling hopeless by living this way.It may take some practice, even if you dont feel motivated, but you gotta take some steps back towards living and get out of the isolation. It will come back to you and you will realize again what its like to want and enjoy when you consciously work on focusing your thoughts, making plans and taking steps towards it.', 'I did a lot of redditing today, which is unusual for me considering I only spend maybe 20 minutes to an hour on reddit most days.. but I stumbled upon two things. I searched "homeless" and while going through the countless accounts of people who have had it way worse than me I grew a much bigger appreciation for what I have that I always take for granted.I also saw this which I found heartwarming in a way, cause he effected so many people he never knew, and so do you. http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/j3p23/found_this_memorial_for_a_homeless_person_under_a/I also ended up searching the word "kindness" and spent 2 hours renewing my faith in humanity as a whole as I read the countless threads of random acts of kindness that were accounted for through so many different people and in so many ways.I understand that life can suck, Pain, be Common cold and unforgiving.. Ive been on the same edge youre standing on now.. but I also learned while backing away from that edge and looking around, that this life can be beautiful and I really want to BE that beauty for someone else. Someone in life will need YOU someday the way you need someone now. So be strong though its tough and get through this, so that you can be the good in this world, because it is out there and the world needs more of it.PM me if you want to talk more. Id love to listen', 'Dont give in. I went through a lot at a young age and spent a year in deep Depression. Divorced at 21. I thought my life was over. I had a future and it was with her, then it was all ripped away and was thrown into a reality where I could write my own future, I just wasnt allowed to have her in it.. It was crushing.I made it through though, after a year of dark Suicidal feeling, and honestly I learned more about myself and about life in that year than I ever thought I would know. I learned who I was and what I truly wanted to do. Found real friends, and started a new life with a new future that fulfilled me more than I thought possible with her even.Talk to someone, even if its me. Its not pathetic, I had to call a suicide hotline cause all my friends were split with the divorce, and I felt like a bother to my parents. But you do need to get this off your chest, when you hide it away it grows and you isolate yourself and disconnect. Find friends, find out what you love to do and do it. Make plans because it gives you reason.PM me or reply, I will listen/share.Keep your head up, Ive been there and there is hope.', ':)', 'Well, I believe you can find it. Happiness that is..Just remember, dont limit yourself to one chance. I think its something like 85% of businesses dont succeed the first time.It takes time to work it out. Youll get there and we will be here if you ever need to be lifted back to your feet.', 'Please stay with us.Listen it will get better, but you cant wait for it to do it itself. Though its not always fun, if you dont water the plants they will wilt. So find out the things that made you happy and start making plans to do them and getting yourself doing something. Waiting can be the worst thing sometimes because if you can sit idle.Keep yourself doing things you enjoy, you may not feel motivated right now, but once you take a few steps and get going itll come back to you and youll lose that idle feeling.If you need someone to listen please PM me. Id love to hear from you', 'Wow man, Im proud of you being able to sober up like that. Honestly that takes a lot for someone to commit to.I want you to know that you add more to this world than you can imagine and more than you will ever know. I stumbled across this memoir for a homeless man who had no one and lived alone under a bridge with cans in a cart. When he passed away in his sleep on night, it impacted those who occasionally just saw him in the area picking up cans so much they wrote and left a memorial for him under his bridge where he used to sleep. Signed by all the coworkers etc that remembered him.Even a flicker of light can brighten up a dark world. There seems to be so much ugly in this world, but when you search "kindness" on reddit you will have a renewed faith in humanity. What Im also getting at is you can be that for someone too. Just as much as you need someone now, someday someone may need you. Even if its just a smile from across the room while they had a terrible day.Dont give up, find someone to talk to who can listen and be understanding. Professional help if necessary. You have so much to live for and so many lives to impact still. You can PM me anytime, Im here to listen/share. Ive been there and back.', 'Dont give in please.You want to want to live. There IS something that makes you happy, due to the fact that if there wasnt a contrast to misery, it wouldnt BE misery.Talk to someone about this, or about anything really. Its this late night / isolated mind wandering that pulls you away from the world and grows inside of you. You have to un-isolate yourself and relieve it.Please talk to me if you need someone to hear you out or share my own experiences. PM or here', 'Well, I wouldnt consider spite the best motivation, but the point is you can do this without her if you have to. My ex girlfriend was kicked out at 15 and had to make her way in the UK since then, still going to school even taking care of some of her siblings etc. She found a way.It is tough I know, but you can rise above this. Friends or family may be able to help you with somewhere to stay, if not a shelter for now, just til you get on your feet. Honestly, if your mother is like most she will ask you back. If not, youll be stronger for this.Dont let someone else be the reason you "cant make it". That is YOUR choice to make. You can still make it even though she doesnt want to help. I believe in you and I care. Please talk to someone and you can PM me or reply here.Keep your head up, youre going to get through this and taking the right steps you will overcome this and be stronger for it.', 'Im really sorry that you feel this way. I want you to know that Im also one of the people who love too much at times. Thats why I subscribed here.Look, these people you talked about love you. You and I, we just view things differently on how to love and show it. I learned over the years that most everything in life comes down to perspective. We show love and receive love in different ways. We love hard and with everything, but we do it in specific ways. I tend to give gifts, verbally affirm, and do things for people to show them that love. Unfortunately some people dont effectively receive love in these ways.The biggest problem with this fact is that it takes both to understand each others give and take for it to work best. Since most people will never talk about this everyone just expects that when they are showing love, its being effectively received, when in many cases it isnt.Though you may not go have this convo with each person you know to solve the inherent issue. You can understand that maybe youre just not seeing the way they are trying to show you their love. I know my parents didnt seem to show me love the way I was expecting it. I also knew deep down they did love me though. Eventually I understood they were showing me, and I wasnt seeing it because I expected it in certain ways, while they were smothering me in a completely different way.Look, I know people say "wait, it will get better." and it can, but if you just "wait" its not going to. Change nothing, and the results will remain the same. So time to change some things and it will get better. Learn and find a better understanding of love, and your friends and family. Spend time with friends and family and dont disconnect or isolate yourself. Talk to someone, anyone, to relive this Pressure when you feel it. And start taking steps to be happy again because ultimately its up to you doing something about it. I promise you that you have everything it takes to overcome this already inside you if you will take the steps. Keep your head up. You can reply or PM me anytime if you need and I will listen.', 'Im really sorry that you are feeling like this. I know it sucks, Ive been through deep Depression and divorce at 21. And not having anyone your age have any clue what thats like seemed to make it so much harder.Anyway, what I noticed from what youve said is that youre obviously Tired. You feel like youve tried a lot and nothing came of it. The things you wanted to come of it seemed to be "relationships". Someone to talk to and be there for you or maybe a boyfriend or both.Well, It seems that you are waiting for something and expecting results. The problem is waiting and doing nothing doesnt change anything. To achieve results you must take steps. You also need to understand ahead of time that there will be bumps and when they happen, you just pick up and keep going instead of throw up your Weakness of hand and give in.No one can fix you. I promise you though that you have everything it takes to be happy and to find those things you need. Spend time out with friends and make new friends if you have to. All you need is to go hangout with people that like to do simple things like eat lunch, see a movie, go to the beach, etc.I care about you and I read all of this because I want to be here for you and to let you know that you will get through this. PM me or reply and I will listen. Keep your head up and start taking steps, start living.', 'Well again, if you want this, you have to do something about it. Sometimes things just happen. Rarely do they happen just the way you want. Time to stop sitting and waiting for another accidental hookup. Start thinking more positive and stop dwelling on these negative thoughts. It isnt true that there arent single people that you could want to date. Build up your confidence.You deserve to be happy and be happy with someone. It is a desire you have to be with someone and that person is out there looking for the same. I promise you wont find them if you dont seek them and Its not likely to fall into your lap if you dont pursue it.You need to fix this perspective of being the only one without someone, and being a beggar. I can tell through this conversation you are a smart guy, and you have plenty to offer someone. You have everything it takes to make this happen, but you gotta actually decide to make this happen. Get out there, keep your head up, and make something happen', 'Well I urge you to throw away the idea altogether. Remove it from being a choice. Everything it takes to over come this is already inside of you.What worries me about you keeping that "just in case" is that you and I both know that at some point, even when you are taking the right steps, something will disappoint you and you are going to face the feeling again. I dont want you to say "welp ok" You need to know it ahead of time and prepare yourself by saying, well I am making progress.. and this feeling has passed before, I need to keep going."If youre going through hell, keep going." Youll make your way out. Keep your head up.', 'Well from what youve said it seems the main issue that is causing this feeling for you is the isolation and loneliness.Nothing is wrong with you those people dont have it easier than you. It seems that you are waiting for another "leader group" to force you into a social scenario?Its up to you. Waiting around will bring no resolve to the issue no matter how much you dwell on these thoughts. It only isolates you further and the feelings seem to overwhelm. You need to talk about it, so Im glad youre here to vent. We cant fix you but you can.Now, its up to you to go out meet people, hang out with your friends, go out to lunch and movies etc. Facebook is one good way of networking, mutual friends, group trips to the beach, etc. You have everything it takes to overcome this situation and be happy again. It just takes you making it happen.Feel free to PM me or reply here to talk, Im here to listen/share. Keep your head up and start living.', 'Yes! I already have Death Note Downloaded and ready, I watched like half a season before but now I got all of it and the "movie" they made too :)', 'Dude, PLEASE tell me youre still with us?Money wont mean a thing when they miss their father and cant get him back :(You asked yourself: "Whats the reason to keep living?" and I can tell you. As much as you need someone now, there is someone, who may not even know you yet, that will need someone and thats you. You arent a selfish person, and you have a good heart. You know how I know that you have a good heart? Cause you are Worried still about your kids, and your parents when YOU are the one in need right now. Thats character my friend. But I also want you to know, that if youre uncomfortable talking with them, please PM me I have been through it all and I dont want you to make a mistake you cant undo.Dont give up, we need you.', 'Sorry I couldnt answer sooner, I was out of town for the weekend.I dont think others consider you scum. Also its time to change your perspective a bit and not allow everyone else to direct your well being.The quote goes: "If youre going through hell, keep going." The point is that if you stop where you are, you will stay in this hell. You have the choice to keep going though. When you take the steps to make a change and realize you have everything it takes to overcome this, you can find happiness and independence again.', 'You are young, but that doesnt discredit the feelings you have. I can actually say that at that age things seem to crash down so much harder due to a lack of experience or an inability to be independent and have to deal with parents etc.That said, It gets better, and you impact so many lives you dont even know. If other alternatives arent available now, you can talk to us, or even a hotline. Ive called hotlines myself and its good to just vent to someone who cares to listen and be understanding. You said that you have hidden the Depression for years and I think that is the biggest issue that leads to this. Getting it out and off your chest alleviates that Pressure, and helps you be understood and start towards getting away from it.You can feel free to PM me or reply here and Ill listen/share. Please dont make that mistake, Ive been there and Ive learned so much and become so much better through it. There are so many things for you to still do', 'Well, I went through divorce at 21 and a Tired real deep Depression for a solid year before I found out what I really wanted in life. It also took me a year of searching, and finding the right friends, and the right people to do this with. But that year, though it was the darkest, taught me more about myself than I ever thought I needed to know. 3 years later Im doing what I dreamed of and working towards my goals still. I finally found friends I can consider family (they have a million faults of their own as well lol) and Im finally happy again and wanting to give it to everyone who needed it like i did.Something you may consider, is the fact that when people dont have any plans, it leaves them without reason. Having something as simple as a plan to see a certain movie, or meet for lunch next Asthenia is huge. Even head to another state to visit in a couple months etc. Things that you want to do, not just things that are suggested and you do cause you "should".I care and I really hope this helps you, keep your chin up and please PM or reply here anytime', 'Im so sorry :/ Ive dealt with loss, but cant honestly say I fully understand the Pain you are in due to the circumstances. I hope you decide to ditch the alcohol and drugs cause I dont want to see anymore Pain.Also please PM me if you want to talk to someone..Also, please know, that though there is and always will be a huge part of your life missing.. there is so much more for you to keep living for. You have family and friends as well and they want to see you sober and happy. Someone is going to need you, the same way you need someone now.*hugs*', 'Well you say you love them? Love is also a verb. Its an action. You leaving them behind is no act of love it is an act of self. You can find rest comfort and relaxation here now, and fix this situation. You are just being unwilling to take the steps to do so.Im not arguing with you. Im just telling you that there are many ways for you to get better and be there for your family, as well as be happy again.', 'As am I. PM me anytime you need someone to talk to', 'Well you should get back into some! And keep the suggestions coming when you find new good ones! Definitely watch Claymore though, Ive watched it through twice (only two seasons, like 34 episodes) and I still enjoy it :)', 'Yeah, dont worry too much! I wouldnt dwell on thoughts like this too often just due to the morbid nature, but If you are having trouble with it face it head on and talk with some people about it. Learn a little about dreaming and what you can do to influence them. We Fear that which we dont understand :)', 'To be honest, nobody truly understands anyone. Its the beauty of life really. In the same way that we are all unique, we are all the same.You just need to change your perspective a little. Realize that you are unique and for someone to truly understand you to the core they would have had to live your life feeling everything you felt. Its okay that they dont. It makes you, you. And you are a stronger person when you understand this about yourself. You just cant expect others to understand you.You should talk about it with someone though. It does help them understand why you feel the way you do if you can explain things to them. They arent meant to fix it, but talking about it helps relieve the Pressure.Lastly stop trying to live for everyone else. You said you will never get what you want, so you know what you want. Time to start living and go after it. You should also get out and spend time with friends who can enjoy that same things. Isolating and disconnecting only make things worse.I believe youll get through this and I know you have everything that you need to get through this already inside of you. PM me or reply if you need someone to listen or share. Ive been through deep Depression myself, and there is a way out for you if you are willing to take a step.', 'Its not about it becoming "More manageable" people who say "Wait it will get better" are wrong. Its insanity to believe that by waiting, or essentially doing the same thing, that you are going to get different results. Stop wasting time waiting around.No one can change things for you except you. Its your perspective being skewed. You think that every time something goes wrong you need to throw your Weakness of hand up because "Well it just never gets better". Try understanding that things are going to happen, and not all of it is ideal. You dont have to take it so hard, you can understand and know that its not the end of the world and you can grow from it instead and go on being happy.You have everything it takes to get better and be happy. Problem is youre not doing anything about it yourself. Therapist can listen and suggest, and meds can throw chemicals at you. but essentially Its completely up to you to put any of it in action, including actually consciously redirecting your thoughts to that of positive plans and thinking.So stop wasting time waiting around and talk about it to vent, do something with friends, make plans. You dont have friends? Go make some. It literally just takes hanging out with people who can enjoy the same food or movies etc.Time to stop waiting and start living. Keep your head up and if you want someone to listen or share PM or reply and Im your guy.', 'Awesome man, Im relieved and happy to hear it. Keep in touch, Im here anytime.', 'Understandable. Fear of the unknown is probably the most natural Fear to have. Instead though we can be certain that we have what it takes and we can sculpt our future by making the right choices.Youre Tired welcome. Were here for you. If you ever want to talk through anything or need someone to listen reply or PM me. Dont Fear it! take control of it. We cant control everything, but we make our own choices and can make our futures in doing so.', 'Well youre right, if you allowed yourself to truly feel these things and connect you wouldnt be here.But you are at least showing that you know you have control. Now what I think you should do is consciously realize this when it comes up and decide consciously to let those feelings out (not hold them in) and find a way to do that. Talking to someone (me if you want) is one way, two would be put on your favorite happy song and say out loud "im letting it go" and feel the relief, and third might just be to get out of the house and grab food with a friend.That would be my direction for getting rid of the negative, but how do you get back to the positive? Id say that THIS is where connect truly and allow your feelings to come through. I would also say that at this point you are emotionally delicate, so I wouldnt go trying to fall in love with someone who hasnt proven themselves out yaknow? Dont set yourself up for Pain, but definitely allow yourself to feel what is real.For instance, enjoy a day out and dont do it cause you "should" do it because you love the beach, or you love to go downtown with friends. Make friends, find the things that you do want in life and head toward them, find some steps.I think that a big problem with Depression, is a lack of plans. I think that not knowing what you will be doing in the near future, leads to a lack of desire for the future. So find some awesome stuff to throw on the calendar like a trip to a close by city with some friends, maybe a trip to another state in a few months etc.I guess what Im saying is, if youve learned that you can "feel everything" and also "feel nothing" there is a way for you to decide what will affect you and what exactly you choose to feel in a way. So remember, dont hold in the bad stuff (let it out in a good way) and allow yourself to connect with the good.You are a good guy, you are still caring about family at a time like this and its important to have those things you care about. Im glad youre here talking with us. Keep your head up and keep in touch!', 'Im sorry. I care about you and I want to help if I can.I promise you that you have everything it takes to overcome this and achieve exactly what you wish for. The feeling is something you need to consciously recognize and replace with the determination to achieve the plans you set for yourself, like getting to med school and becoming a doctor. You know itll take years anyway. You know its going to be pretty hard. Whats it matter if you take a year off to work and save, meanwhile enjoying time with friends and traveling a little? Get your mind back on track kinda thing. The school will still be there waiting for you.Youre Exhaustion yourself and when you overdo it it can weigh on your emotions like it is right now. Take a step back, take a breath and just get everything in order again. It will help tons. Also talk to someone (me if you have to, I will listen/share). Its not about someone else being able to fix the problem for you, or someone being able to understand what you feel, cause honestly they cant truly, but its about getting it off your chest. When you hide/ignore it, it grows heavy and you isolate yourself which causes it to get worse in turn. So relieve the Stress by just talking to someone. Vent a little.People say "it gets better" and I truly believe it can, but I also know for a fact it wont if you dont actually do anything to change it. So its more like, "Take the right steps, and it will get better"Anyway, I want you to know you have so much to live for ahead of you. I went through divorce at 21 and it destroyed my life, friends, future, etc. I made it through a deep Depression of a year. You can too and there is so much on the other side, with or without the guy, with or without the school. If its what you want, there is a way. Work, save, loans, networking etc. Youll figure it out and youll be able to smile again and enjoy every second.Please PM or reply me to talk/vent, I will listen*EDIT: Oh also its important to get out and spend time with friends. You say you dont have any so find some. Go hang out and grab lunch or see a movie with some people. Facebook even makes it pretty easy. They dont need to be super amazing friends, just people who you can enjoy hanging out with. It helps a lot to stop isolating yourself and consciously guard your thoughts and direct them toward your goals.', 'Please dont leave us! no amount of time is ever long enough to quit! We dont hate you here, and I can tell you that though I dont know you, I truly care and I dont want you to go. You dont have to do this alone either. I am personally willing to hear you out and respond asap if you ever need to talk just shoot me a PM!! Ive been there', 'Time to stop doing whats required of you, stop trying to meet expectations, and stop coping.Time to start living my friend.From the sounds of it your motivations have just been off, and though you can do the Tired same thing twice in a row, the results can vary vastly when motivation is taken into account.You dont want to work up energy to do what you dont wish to do. No one does, and it appears youve done enough of that. So its time to get back to you and what you love and enjoy. Find out those things that once made you happy. Music, activities, sports, etc. and involve them in your life.Also Talk to someone. Someone who can listen and be understanding, even if it takes professional help. I am here if you ever want to talk as well, you can PM me.You have much more to live for and experience and so many peoples lives left to impact. Dont give in cause of this feeling. Ive been there and Ive come to realize I learned a lot about myself and life through it and Im happy as ever to still be here.', 'Well, Ill tell you this. People say to wait, for one reason. Someone who is thinking suicide is usually just under too much Pressure at the moment to think critically and make the best choice. Also once the wait part is over the idea is to move on from that thought and plan and act on getting better and finding what makes you happy to move toward.That being said, I can almost surely tell you why, even though youve waited a year, you still are thinking of going through with this: You spent that year, planning your suicide.Now, if you spent that year doing something you enjoyed on occasion with friends and such and planning a trip to the Bahamas, I think your results would be more like, you being excited that youre about to head to the Bahamas with friends.You are dwelling on it, so it will consume your thoughts. The same way a newly dating boy will dwell on everything about the girl. Her laugh, smile, and when he passes by something that reminds him of her. I feel that Suicidal thoughts can be similar in a way. Its what you think you want, and so when anything that remotely reminds you of such it brings your mind back to that. Disappointment, alone, unhappy, whatever it may be.Anyway, like I said, you feel compelled to because you have planned to. Break off those plans and make new ones. Ones that involve the things you love and the people you enjoy. It can change everything, but nothing changes without you taking those steps to do so.Im here for you. Dont make a Injury of muscle mistake.', 'Thats perfectly okay. You dont have to take medicine to alter your moods. Its a perspective/mind thing combined with the actions you take.EDIT: what was the ego shattering experience?You will get through this. Just start living man. Ive been through it myself. Its so worth it.', 'Well I would say that it is pretty directly linked to that then, dont worry yourself too much and try to avoid the negative thoughts like suicide.I went through a divorce at 21 years old and it was the hardest year of my entire life, but I learned the most about myself and what I truly wanted to do that year.If you need to talk, about it, or just to talk you can PM me and Ill listen/share.Chin up, it will get better. Feelings just take a little time to subside, but please dont act on them.', 'Well, Im truly sorry that you feel this way, but to be honest, its not therapy, medication, or parents that can solve the issue.The only thing that can change this feeling is you. Everything else you mentioned is literally just support to help you do it. It all comes down to you changing your actions and consciously changing your thoughts. You can take pills and have people tell you what to do all day, but until you decide to make that happen, nothing changes and the feeling remains.No more dwelling on it, time to start living. Go get friends, a job, enjoy yourself, and have a life. Dont disconnect and isolate.Keep your head up, we are here cause we care about you. PM or reply and I will listen.', 'Woah man :/ Im so so sorry..I couldnt imagine. I had to go through a divorce at 21 which isnt quite comparable, but to know what your future is with somebody like its a fact, and then your whole future be ripped away like that and left for you to re write, was miserable knowing it was a choice she made.I can tell you this, the first year after that, was the hardest year of my life. Right around a year I ended up calling a suicide hotline as a last resort at 3 am and she finally comforted me by just being there to hear me cry and talk. She turned me back towards the world I disconnected myself from and I found a whole new life ahead. Find out who I was again, and what I really wanted to do.Look, I know its hard friend, but you still deserve to find happiness and I promise you thats what they wanted for you too. It may take new friends, and a change of scenery but itll be worth it.Please keep your head up and PM me or reply here if you need anyone to listen/share', 'Keep your head up. I went through divorce at 21 and it was devastating. I understand the feeling.If you want to talk Im down to listen/share just reply or PM me. Youll get through this.', 'I got to a point where I felt so Depression and alone even though my parents ( who I knew loved me ) where downstairs, that I called a suicide hotline to talk and she brought up a great point that night. I put myself in a situation late late at night and alone where all I had was time to think about how sad I was. She encouraged me to calm and sleep eventually and it got me through the night.After that I did my best to keep myself in what good company I could and sleep at decent times, keeping my mind occupied on positive things I enjoyed doing. What things do you enjoy?', 'What you should know is, high school seems to be a much bigger deal at the time than it really is. Everything does. Not that education isnt important, but it doesnt mean the end of the world. You can always fix things.Though it may seem easier to have a fresh start. A fresh start has its own problems as well. You havent ruined your life by any means. You also have everything it takes to overcome these problems and you can go anywhere in life you choose to. Thats the issue people have. Choosing to do it. You have to decide to do it and take the steps to follow through. If you do the same thing you are doing now, nothing will change.Its hard to see now, but you will get through this and if you decide to now, you can fix this and overcome it. Keep your head up and be happy through it. Reply or PM me anytime if you want to talk to someone', 'First off, youve made it through so much already, dont give up now. So many people get discouraged by the inability to see the top of a mountain through the storms and turn back so close to the summit. Please dont make this mistake.I know times seem to be impossible for you at the moment, but I know there is someone somewhere who has overcome worse to do great things and be happy. The happy side of it comes from deciding to no longer dwell on these thoughts and make the choice to be

Behavior

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['Theres plenty of people to talk to on here mate theyve helped me out a huge amount', 'Yeah it made sense mate, thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it. I do try and be positive but my girlfriend was the good bit in my life and Ive drove her away by being nasty. I dont really understand why I do it I love her to bits but take out all my stresses on her. I dont think I actually will kill myself but the urge to not be here is permanently there and my mind keeps drifting to it.', 'I feel exactly the same but I couldnt put my mom and dad through it', 'Yeah I suppose youre right Im gonna go to the doctors tomorrow and enquire about a counsellor I cant carry on feeling Hyperactive behavior this but the meds are a big no no for now. Thank you for taking the time for replying it means a lot', 'We were living together and planning our wedding when money became an issue. We went through a bad patch and both moved back to our parents. I had terrible Anxiety Mental Depression thay she was going to leave me so I was drinking to much and doing cocaine. Whilst this was happening on about 3 or 4 occasions I messaged another girl but dont even remember doing it (Im not using that as an excuse). Weve been getting on better then ever recently until she found out about these messages. They were sent months ago. Now shes Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me and changed her number so I cant contact her. I know I made a monumental fock up but I need her. I want to prove Im sorry and that this will never happen again. I dont want to live without her everyday is torture Im a mess and its embarrassing because I cant talk to people face to face about emotional things', 'Yeah Im still here mate', 'Reading this has made me come to the realisation Im exactly the same. What a deoressing bombshell', 'I feel pretty hypocritical here considering Im posting in this very sub about my own problems but seriously maybe you should reconsider. Why are things so bad? ', 'Thankyou for replying. Im hoping it will turn out that this was the right thing but I just keep dwelling on the wedding, having kids, buying a house. Basically all the things in life I wanted to do with her Ive now lost and it just hurts', 'Haha thank you for making me laugh I really didnt think I had it in me', 'Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I know everyone goes through stuff Hyperactive behavior this but it still doesnt make me feel better at the moment because obviously my pains worse then anyone elses ever. I thought time would be a healer but its been 3 months and Im worse then ever my dad wants me to see a councillor but Im a bit embarrassed and I dont want to be put on anti depressants. Again thank you for replying', 'Its horrible because I say things that arent true or that I dont Irritable Mood and then afterwards I feel pathetic because Ive acted Hyperactive behavior a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Ive just emailed a local therapist to see how I go about setting up a meeting. I should have done it a year ago when my girlfriend told me too but I suppose its better late then never', 'Alright mate how you feeling? Im here if you want to talk just pm me', 'Im hoping too but shes just blanking me now and its breaking my heart. Im just fed up and cant be bothered with anything', 'This is a brilliant way to put it thankyou for taking the time to reply', 'Thank you so much for caring it really does Irritable Mood a lot because I cant talk about things Hyperactive behavior this to people face to face. Its nice to know youre there, thank you', 'Youve really changed my opinion on drug dealers', 'I know all of what youve said is true but that doesnt stop me not wanting to be here anymore. Thanks for taking the time to post though', 'Thank you for taking time to reply', 'Im in the exact same position myself. Im 24 and have lost the love of my life and every day just seems to be getting harder', 'Nah i havent really got any hobbies I just used to have days out and go for meals with my girlfriend. I am gonna try and get a hobby though, I used to do a bit of boxing so I might try and start that again its just getting the motivation I can never be bothered to do anything after work. I felt a bit guilty posting here because I dont think I actually will do anything stupid but the thoughts are always their. Its a bit Anger how much the sentiments of some random internet stranger can Irritable Mood', 'Forgot to say thanks for replying', 'Thank you', 'I dont blame her Ive been unbearable the last 5 months my mood swings have been disgusting thats not too say it atill doesnt hurt. I feel terrible Im currently in bed crying, nice sunday afternoon. Thanks mate I dont think I would kill myself I dont have the guts but every day is a burden. I dont want to go to work or even get out of bed and I just permanently feel shit', 'I feel that', 'I need her she was everything to me and im fed up of crying. I never knew it was possible to feel emotional Ache Hyperactive behavior this', 'I feel that the only reason Im still alive is because I dont want to upset my mom and dad but I dont think I can keep loving a Depressed mood life just for them', 'Thanks for taking the time to talk to me mate', 'I am trying but I was always happy with her. Before I was with her I was a really independent person but since the split I hate being alone but my mates have all got kids and girlfriends now so I cant keep pestering them', 'Alright mate Im here if you want to talk about anything I dont know if Ill be much help but Ill try', 'Cheers mate youre right it is better to post here sooner rather then later. Ill definitely try get into the routine thank you', 'Why are you so sad?', 'Thats the best way to describe it I feel empty. Im back at work and Im going out but its Hyperactive behavior Im just running through the motions until Im alone again and thats when I feel Hyperactive behavior shit agai ', 'Thank you. I just wish I could stop caring or Hypersomnia and not wake up for months. As bad as I feel Ive also got the added weight of Guilt for what Ive done to her', 'Like shit if Im honest but it does Irritable Mood a lot you checking on me, thank you.', 'Im in pretty much the same situation. Im here if you want to talk', 'Make her laugh and smile as much as you can and make sure when she leaves shes as happy as possible. I really feel for you going through that I truly am sorry', 'Im in the same boat. I want to die but I havent got the guts to kill myself because of the Ache it would cause my mom and dad. I wish I could pass away and no one have any recollection of me.', 'Im in a similar situation as this except Im the one that messed up. Ive been having suicidal thoughts since the break up I feel terrible but if I ever did do anything it would be my choice absolutely not my exs fault. It was me that ruined our relationship and shes in the right to finish with me and move on with her life its not her fault if I cant deal with it. In exactly the same way its in no way your fault and you shouldnt feel guilty', 'The fact that after all the shit she puts you through on a regular basis and you can still make friends and function at university shows youre very strong and manly. I dont think I could put up with that', 'Like shit if Im honest but I cant tell you how nice it feels to no someone cares, thank you so much. I just miss my best friend']

Ideation

user-189

['Why?', 'Idk. Weve been talking. She says she doesnt want to see me until shes ready to get back together. Its still pretty confusing to me. But I definitely feel more hopeful that this will work out eventually. I just dont get what this is about because too me, and to everyone really that knows us, I think, we are clearly a Tired good couple, good for each and good with each other. I guess that does sound like your situation. Sounds like it happened to you a while ago though.', 'Do you have a job?', 'I was in the same boat as you for the last couple months. I know exactly how you feel. If you check my comment history you will see the post I made when my gf of 4 years broke up with me. I didnt find out until a Asthenia ago, but she left me for a guy she workswith. I love her more than anything and just like you I saw no future without her. So what I did is went to work improving myself and becoming the best me I could be. I knew she had left because I had changed over the last 6 months into something other than myself and the only hope I could hold onto was that these efforts would bring her back to me. So I started saving all my money for our future together, I started working out and eating right, I did a bunch of things both big and small that I know she likes for me to do. Now I am in the habit of budgeting well, eating well, exercising regularly, staying cleanshaven instead of growing a scruffy beard until it gets Itching enough that I shave it, I dont take out my feelings by arguing with people, I listen more, I am just an all around better person.And guess what, my gf came back to me and we are planning big things for the Tired near future. Not saying this will happen in your case necessarily (for me, my gf said being with that guy made her more sure that I am who she belongs with basically). But even if she doesnt, you will feel better about yourself. You will be more confident. I know it because I had become a Depression fuck that no one would want to be around due to personal reasons and that is why my gf left and now I am not. Even before my gf came back I could already sense I was changing, becoming better. Im telling you - throw everything in to improving whatever you feel you dont like about yourself. When you feel you might as well die, there is nothing left to lose. So you might as well give it a shot. ', 'So many Los Campesinos! lyrics..."This thing hurts like hell,but what did you expect?"-The Sea is a Good Place to Think About the Future"the first time, the last time, all the times in-betweenthe first time, the last time, all the times i wouldve liked there to have beeni cant believe i chose the mountains every time you chose the sea..."-Coda: Burn Scar in the Shape of the Sooner State"I think too much about the end, but being around it made me feel like Im coping.Now when I view the cemetery I dont see headstones,I see rows of engraved metal teeth, hungry, waiting for meAnd though I am fearful, I think I just crave the relief"-Who Fell Asleep In"I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in loveIs to like the other slightly less than you get in returnI keep feeling like Im being undercut"and..."I cannot emphasise enough that my body\xc2\xa0Is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel,Harbouring these diminishing, so-called vital organsHope my heart goes first,\xc2\xa0I HOPE MY HEART GOES FIRST!"-We Are Beautiful, We Are DoomedI could go on and on, Los Campesinos! are brilliant and you should listen to them.More recently..."A spitting image of meExcept for a heart-shaped hole where the hope runs out"and..."Where are you hiding, my love?Cast off like a stoneFeelings, raw and exposed when Im out of controlPieces were stolen from meBut dare I say, given awayWatching the water give inAs I go down the drainI appear missing now"and..."Its only falling in love because you hit the ground"and..."With my toes on the edge its such a lovely viewI never loved anything till I met youIm over the edge now what can I do"-I Appear Missing by Queens of the Stone Age', 'Is the problem that you still want this girl back? Or is it just that you truly dont believe that there is anyone else who is worth it? With me, I had been with my girlfriend for four years and were friends for even longer. So I really feel like we are perfect for each other. But if you just think there is no one out there that you can trust, that isnt true. I went through plenty of girls that were shitty or just bad matches before meeting her. Some I talked to for mintues, some for weeks, but in the end like you said either they didnt want me or I didnt want them. I didnt meet anyone I loved until I was 24 and my girlfriend finally went out with me. So I know youve been trying for two years but trust me I had been trying for longer. But in the end it was worth every second of feeling bad, lonely, Depression, and like it was never going to happen. I think you should give yourself and life some more time. Put more effort into improving yourself as well, for me I found that thag effort could be what mames someone give you a second look that allows them to get to know who you really are.Oh and thanks for the advice on hannibal. I watched an episode of bates motel a while back and thought it was horrible so I got turned off to these movie sequel/prequel shows that seem to be happening now.', 'Haha and I cant quit smoking tobacco! I feel like we have a lot in common. I read in your reply to someone else a while ago that you are "just a teenage fat kid." Dude. You are a teenage fst kid that at least had a girlfriend! I was a teenage fat kid who girls who I thought at least liked me as a person who sat at my art table with me were calling "mucho gordo" and I didnt take spanish (I took italian) I had to find out later that gordo meant fat. I didnt have any serious relationship jntil my 20s. I was 280 pounds and finally said well fuck it I hate myself so might as well die better looking so I started walking a lot and lifting weights and what that did (in addition to making me healthier and more in shape - I lost 110 pounds) it also made me feel better about myself. So thats why I always suggest exercising to people who are Depression because now I use it when im Depression. Another bonus is when you are working out or bike riding or whatever and you are dying from exerting yourself - you cant think of how Depression you are. It is like physically impossible. But anyway my point with telling you all that about me is this: my life was shitty just like yours. And im Depression right now which is why I first came here. But I gave life a chance and had so much happiness for years with an amazing, beautiful woman that I wouldnt trade for anything. If I can do it I know that you can do it. You have a headstart on me even.', 'Well if it didnt matter to me I wouldnt ask. Really, whats been up?Ive been feeling progressivley worse everyday. Gonna see my gf this weekend and she says she wants to talk about stuff. Idk what its gonna be about, she says its nothing bad, but anything other than saying she wants to get back together would just be different levels of bad. Still exercising everyday, which at least blocks out thoughts while im doing it. Going to school and trying to focus on getting shit done for that is next to impossible but im keeping it up. I finally got to watch episode one of Hannibal it was really good!', 'I mean what were you thinking as you were dying? Did you regret it? Were you in great pain? Ive been thinking if I did it Id just drink and get in the bathtub and keep drinking until I blacked out and just slumped under the water and drown.', 'Hey man howre things goin?', 'How can I not blame myself? If she is unhappy then it must be because of me. When we talked an hour ago I asked why she didnt sit me down and tell me she was unhappy and that there were things wrong that we needed to work on. She said whenever she tried bringing up things I would just get mad and leave or I would tell her I dont want to see her again and ignore her for a while. Unfortunately this is true. I dont know what the fuck I was thinking but I never thought it would come to this and I wish I could go back and do it over. She does still say there isnt anyone else, but she got pissed immediately when I asked today. Im not sure what to make of that because of course it could be her being mad as a defense so I wont press the issue (she could also feel guilty about it or not want to tell me because of how it will make me feel), but it also could just be true and she is annoyed that I keep asking her that because I have done it quite a few times now, even though it wasnt angrily and accusatory just like tell me so th at I know what the situation is you know? So yeah I dont know if it is temporary or not yet. I realize that it Tired well may not be. In fact I wouldnt feel the way I do if I wasnt Tired aware and afraid of how untemporary it may be. She never has done anything like this before. Also when I asked her what she has been up to (just normal stuff) I asked if it had been hard for her and she said no. This is probably the worst part of the whole conversation for me. How could it not be hard? But when I talked to her yesterday she said it hasnt been easy for her either and she started crying. So Idk how much I learned from this except that I have been kind of an asshole. She also said I havent really shown her I love her for a while but honestly I used to all the time tell her how beautiful she is and show all kinds of affection and she said I needed to stop because it was too much so I did and now I dont act like I love her I guess. I told her that too. Anyway she had got up early today to garden bc its nice out and she worked all night so she was too Tired to talk for long and said she couldnt really think of all the reasons she had and shell call me tomorrow.Towards the end she told me to get some sleep and I just blurted out how I cant sleep, I havent slept hardly at all and I havent eaten anything since Monday. She got kinda mad and said not to put that on her. So I dont feel like I can even bring up how bad I really feel. So that really sucks. Thanks for commenting and Id really be interested to hear how our situations are similar. I hope yours is going better.', 'How do you know when and how youre going to die? What makes you say your life expectancy is short? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and if I did Id be glad I made my life happy even for a brief while.', 'It depends. People who care about you will try to help you so you should tell someone like that who you are close to. ', 'Is there anything you can point to that lead to you feeling this way? Food not tasting good, everything seeming faded, not caring for pussy...all these things are symptoms of Depression. I know because I went through this starting a month ago and off and on now. I know what started it for me but what was it for you?', 'Why do you feel you dont have the power to make your life better?', 'I see what youre saying but it would be impossible to get a ring. I had been out of work for a little over a year and just got a job (not a great one either) and have been going to school. I was going to save up from every paycheck for one. The best I could do is ask my mom to let me have one but that wouldnt be a good one either because she definitely isnt parting with her engagement ring or anything. My best options are a picture or totally ringless. Not saying it isnt a good idea, just that I dont think I could execute it properly. I still might try it, but ill just have to try and read the situation. And the marriage issue isnt the only thing and I dont know how large of a percentage it played in the whole thing.', 'I know there are people in my life that will be Pain. But I feel like Id do more damage to my gf specifically by staying with her and being this fucked up and dragging her down.', 'My brain technically knows all of this and youre totally rigjt. But this time it doesnt seem to help. Thanks though. Glad to hear you made it through.', 'Why do you abhor yourself?', 'I really hope you dont mean that. You seem cool to me and I know that you have plenty of time to turn things around. All you have to do is set your mind to it. I know that when youre Depression it doesnt seem that way, TRUST me, I know. All you can do is hold on to hope and set your mind on your goals and work towards them. Even during your Depression, realize that if nothing is going right you might as well just spend some time every day doing SOMETHING positive towards your future. Even if you cant envision having a future there is nothing to lose in doing a little something tomake headway. The worst that can happen is you end up staying where you are. But the possibility, no matyer how slim it may be, that things could change, is worth it. ', 'Thatsexacty where im at. Do you know why she left? Improving yourself is the best way to get her back. Id rather die than not be with my girlfriend, but Id rather be with her than die (or do anything else). So what im doing is working on all of the legitimate issues she had with me and even some things she didnt have a problem with. ', 'Awesome to finally hear from you I was seriously starting to worry. What kind of problems?', 'You lose the luxury of killing yourself when you have a kid. Now stop thinking about that shit and start thinking about what fun stuff you are going to do with your son the first time you see him when you get out.', 'So whats wrong though? Why are you Depression? Is it just that all your friends are away? What field are you in?', 'This is not an excuse. My girlfriend has gone through some Tired trying times as well and they Asthenia me emotionally as well. In fact right now she is doing something that iss draining me, giving me Anxiety attacks, Depression, and more. Yet I would gladly go through all of these times because I love her and I would rather go through bad times and still have her than not have her under any circumstances. Having her love me and no one else would be more than enough. If you dont see a point to your life then make it about her. Instead of ruining her life by you dying, try making her happy. Start by improving yourself for her. Do positive things for her. Exercise, whether you are skinny or fat or whatever, is just a great way to deal with Depression. Jogging, bike riding, weight lifting, whatever. Dont resolve to kill yourself without at least exploring options like these.', 'There is no moving on for me. This is the girl that I love and want to spend my life with. She is perfect for me. I dont believe she is moving on, she cant be. She loves me and I have helped her so much in so many ways, as she has with me. She said this dude isnt as smart as me and doesnt have as good a oersonality. She hasnt done anything with him yet and I asked her to oromise not to do anything with him u til she makes her decision about getting back together. I honestly believe she will come back to me but just tonight is really rough and freaking me out.Im not someone who people would think of as Suicidal either. Im an atheist an have always said how suicide is insane and I would never do it because there is nothing after life and I would rather live than have nothing. Now I understand though since I see no future without my gf in it. I have been in a better mood lately since it has been seeming hopeful with my gf but tonight I am back to think and planning how I would die. For you though, it really would be a waste of potential to kill yourself. It really seems like things will get better for you - that this is just a temporary situation. Shitty yeah, but temporary.', 'I am in pretty much the same place as you are and I know how impossible it seems but all you can do is try. Even if all it means is a few seconds a day where you dont feel like everything is hopeless and you just want to end it all then that few seconds is better than nothing. And like I said it cant make things worse, there is nothing to lose.', 'What happened to your friend?', 'Whats up dude?', 'A new dog will never replace the one you had, but it offers a whole new world of experiences with what will come to be an animal you love and who loves you also.', 'Hello?', 'Well I think you should reconsider.', 'How did you do it? What was wrong? Any advice would be good.', 'You cant like it this way if you want to kill yourself.', 'There is absolutely no way your daughter would be better without you. In fact, killing yourself will exponentially increase the likelihood of her ending up feeling exactly like you do all the time and then killing herself as well. You may not care about yourself, but you care about her. What you should focus on instead of your suicide is instead planning your recovery. Get help at a hospital if that is what it takes. Having a mother who battled her demons in order to stay with her is somehing your daughter will appreciate and admire when she gets older.', 'Do you go to school? Thats a great place to meet people. Im assuming theres no one to reallh befriend at work or else you would have. Im kinda in the same boat with the loneliness. My gf of 4 years broke up with me abruptly a month ago. She said she was unhappy because I had changed. Long story short, we habe been talking and she is considering coming back to me. But today I saw her and she told me she has been hanging out with another guy for the last cohple weeks. Apparently he reminds her of how I used to be before I changed. Then I went to work and she stopped texting me. I assume because she was with him. I asked her to please call me before going to bed but by now its clear she didnt.Also all my friends have basicallh moved away as well. So im stuck here with only reddit to talk to as well.Edit: duh you said you arent in school my bad. Obviously yoh will be going in the near future though in order to be a vet though right?What brought you to this sub? Are you feeling Suicidal over this? It seems like you have a good future ahead of you. What has your relationship situation been like? Is that a problem?', 'Well you wont have a reason to kill yourself if you work on improving things about your life that you dont like. Youre like a decade younger than me it is so much easier to change when you are younger.', 'It is a shame but then again do you really want to date a religious nut? Being friendzoned sucks, but what you may not realize is that it also doesnt. First of all, being friendzoned even would have been an improvement for me in high school. But more importantly - what people dont realize is the friendzone is also the first step to a great relationship. Everyone wants their SO to be their best friend. This is what makes the best relationships. Literally everyone I know, including both of my older brothers who are Tired happily married, began as friends with their respective partners. In high school I think people dont realize this stuff because it is all about who is hot or who is cool or whatever other bullshit that doesnt matter after high school ends. But eventually most people realize that it isnt about that. I was in the friendzone with my gf while she was dating her asshole high school boyfriend still who treated her like shit. Eventually we became best friends. Then we stsrted liking each other. Than it became more than just liking. Then it began the best four years I could ever dreamed of having. And I fucked jt up. The key part is to not fuck it up.Im kinda at that fjck it stage too. I statted smoking again. I try to remain positive and during the day it is easier because jts easier to distract myself and I can work out and stuff. Bjt getting to bed at night is the worst, which im sure I dont need to tell you. As far as your knee is concerned, try to work around it. You could do push ups, leg lifts, cu rls probably. Bike riding doesnt really impact the knees and is more fun than running imo.', 'I didnt have sex until I was 24. Dont worry about it that much. I felt much the same way you did but trust me, it was worth every single day, Asthenia, month, year when I fi ally had sex with the most beautiful, amazing girl in the world who I got to spend the next four years with. ', 'Hey man whats been goin on?', 'I used to love reading for exactly the reason you said. Now that im dealing with Depression I cant read anymore and it sucks. I really, REALLY loved it, but its not distracting enough and my mind wanders to bad thoughts before I can get into the zone where the book is playing in my head like a movie.', 'My girlfriend also broke up with me just over a month ago. I know exactly how you feel. She said almost the same thing " I dont want to be with you anymore". It really, really sucks. I dont reallh have friends either because they all have moved away. If you find out anything that helps these feelings go away please let me know.', 'Why did they do that? Do you ever talk to her or see her?', 'Thats such a healthy, positive outlook. Congrats on getting past everything really. I hope if my girlfriend doesnt take me back I can do the same some day.', 'Well wtf. Is she really religious? Or she just has to respect her parents wishes because she lives with them? Do they know the bible says they arent supposed to judge people? Wow.', 'I know exactly how you feel. My gf left me almost two months ago after four years together. Everyday just feels empty. She is perfect and I have never loved anyone like her and doubt I will ever again. If I could offer any advice it is just to focus on improving yourself. I am working on getting I to perfect shape, co tinuing school, and getti g a better job. It is really hard most days because it just feels like without her there is no point...no possible future that iant filled with Depression a d emptiness. But there is nothing to be lost by tryi g and only possible upside (in my case hopi g this will bring her back to me).', 'What do you mean? You have as many days as you decide to have. Your future is entirely within yojr control.', 'I have thought about that. I dont know though it could backfire. She already accused me of only saying I was looking at engagement rings because she said not wanting marriage was a reason for her leaving. I dont have a ring yet either, just pictures I downloaded to my phone to ask my sisters advice on and maybe her sisters advice. Also Im not sure she will want to meet me she already ignores most of my texts after not talking for days because she said its too hard to do this if she keeps talking to me. What would I do, propose with an empty box like the douchey way they did it in knocked up? Idk about that. I have considered texting her a picture of the best ring with a "will you marry me" caption but that is even more pathetic. But its hard to think rationally at all now.', 'Shes alive someone found her passed out and got her to the hospital in time.', 'How did you make peace with losing your girlfriend?', 'Oh I see. Well I hope things get better for you.', 'Me too. Whats up?', 'There is no beginning in death. You die and then you are dead forever. Thats it. If you want a new beginning you need to work at creating it for yourself. Thats what ive been trying to say.', 'Dude im so happy for you! Thats exactly how I felt! It only gets better the more you continue too. Looking good is just an ancillary benefit really. Feeling better about myself and having more energy during the day and less trouble sleeping is what really made me want to continue.By the way I just watched the episode of Hannibal with the guy who makes people into angels. Wow I cant believe they can show that on tv. The show really is good.', 'I definitely think talking to your bf about this is the best idea. She said he loves her and wants her to be happy. If my gf were like this I would want her to talk to me about it so we could figure out whT to do about it together. Its no good sitti g around getting all upset about thinki g he will leave you without discussi g it with him.', 'Im sure you are aware of this but your boyfriend is a real piece of shit. Not just because he didnt care that you are Suicidal, but because having a kid is both of your responsibilities. This kid isnt coming because you did something, its because you bith did. If he was so against having one he should have been more responsible. I would never treat my girlfriend like this and I hope you find someone better or that he stops being so shitty.You say that you want to feel the love you give to people.doesnt your daughter love you? Im sure she does. Make her your reason to keep going.If you really feel like having another baby would be a burden that you cant deal with, Miscarriage and adoption are bith viable options. Give it lots of thought and find out which one is better for you.', 'I know exactly how you feel. My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years. The day after our anniversary, without any warning, via text message. And then severed all communication with me for days. I recieved this text as I was browsing online researching engagement rings, anticipating proposing later in the year. So trust me, I know how you feel. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep, I started having Anxiety attacks where my heart would start pounding and I would involuntarily shake. She is my soul mate, the perfect person for me, the only woman I will ever truly love. After several days of this it got to the point where sometimes I would just be sitting in bed with a knife, running it over my wrist, wondering how bad it would Pain, how long it would take. I made plans to go to a cheap motel, drink, run a hot bath and end it. But I didnt and neither should you. My girlfriend said I dont make her happy and that ive changed. I decided it would be stupid of me to just kill myself without trying anything else. So I have become determined to be the best person I can be. Maybe I wont be able to get her back and if that is the case idk what will happen. But who knows. The main thing is to try. Our anniversary was about a month ago. My girlfriend has started talking to me and I have seen her a couple times briefly, but still doesnt want to get back together, although I am feeling more hopeful (most of the time) lately.Well thats my story maybe you can tell me yours.Also, your name implies you are a fan of horror movies and so am I. I have seen tons, as im sure you have, got any reccomendations? Ive been watching a lot of movies/tv lately to try and distract myself when im alone. Been thinking of trying that new show hannibal but idk if its good.', 'The Illness irony of the situation is at the beginning of our relationship I helped her through being Suicidal. She actually somewhat attempted it. She swallowed a bunch of Tylenol I think or something like that while locked in a room and I called a suicide hotline and they sent cops and she had to go to a psych hospital for about a Asthenia and I visited her everyday. She had to draw a picture in there and she drew something thatsymbolically represented me. I still have it and I spent time looking at it today.Now Im afraid to even tell her my thoughts Im having because I dont want to make her feel guilty and I know it wont make her not be unhappy with the relationship or anything so its pointless. Shes the one person who could help but shes leaving me.', 'I was in literally the exact same situation as you just 3 months ago.The way I dealt wjth it was by throwing myself into self-improvement, completely. Everything from working out everyday down to keeping shaved instead of letting weeks of stubble grow. I worked on everything, every little detail of myself that needed any improvement and I worked on my future. Most days it was a struggle to do anything but everyday pretty much I at least did something to help myself, even if the rest of the day I just layed in bed hating life. ', 'Really? Or are you being sarcastic? Honestly it worked for me. I am at the point now where chicks sometimes check me out after being fat and hating myself for so long it is a great self-esteem boost.What do you do? I ride my bike back and forth to work everyday and that burns a ton of calories and is fun. I also have two curl bars that I use. For ab/core work I found leg lifts are good because they dont Pain your back and neck like situps.', 'You have to be proactive in making change. I understand in Depression it can be worse than swimming up stream but it doesnt Pain to try.', 'She didnt give me all my stuff back. I had a package delivered to her house. Its just a Jimi Hendrix album. And I have a few hoodies there but I think thats about it. She does say that me not wanting to get married is a reason. I did say quite often that I think marriage is unneccesary and that I dont really Carr about it. But other times, when we were being seriousor intimate (not necessarily meaning just after sex or something) I admitted that I did want to marry her. I told her about how I was looking for engagement rings, but she said Im just saying that now because of what is happening. I dont know how she could think Im not committed we do everything together we tell each other everything and Ive never even thought about being with anyone else.', 'What makes you want to do this?', 'Yeah I see my girlfriend about once a Asthenia the last couple weeks and I talk to her everyday. Its better than not seeibg or talking to her at all, but I hate that we arent really together. Sometimes she still says I love you but sometimes she doesnt. You do t know why her parents said she cant see you?', 'Hey hows it going?', 'Yeah she does want kids soon. I want kids too but I have said that I think it would be best to wait until at least one of us is out of college. I mean Id love to be able to have a kid now but I think it would be better for the kid this way. And I guess she didnt really know that I wasnt really serious about never wanting to get married. I have told her I would because she wants to Ive told her I want to be together forever and Ive said that I want to marry her. But I guess the amount of times I sarcastically disparaged the idea of marriage greatly outnumbered those times.', 'No it isnt. Death is the ultimate ending.', 'Well thats fuckin shitty of her. Yeah I lost about 40 pounds during the two months my gf left me. The bright side is I feel better about myself and am more confident. I also started noticing chicks checkin me out which is nice. Getting in shape is a great way to boost your self-esteem and feel better about life in general I think. I highly recommend it. Dont just not eat, though. I wasnt eating a lot during the breakup and literally once fell over from lack of food basically. But yeah losi g weight is great. You wont be lonely for too long im sure. You just need a nice chick (with non-crazy parents) to watch scary movies with. Its the best thing in the world. My gf came back to me now and things are better than ever. I know things will turn around for you too all it takes is to stay on the right track. Stay positive and fight through all the negativity. It worked for me and I felt totally hopeless.', 'Hey so how are you in a similar boat? How did things work out for you? ', 'How man so how are you doing?', 'Yeah the picture thing isnt good I just have no ring to offer. Ill try to come up with the best ringless proposal possible but I still have to get her to see me too. Thanks for the advice.Edit: Im not going to try proposing I think that would be a wrong move.']

Indicator

user-496

['It was a skype call, but she ended it and Ventricular Dysfunction, Left me with " Good night . See you on the other side, Jordan. But Ill be in hell and youll be in heaven." She wont respond to me or my friend. Im trying to get more info than I have, scouring Phobia, Social networks and the like, but thats failed. Does anyone know where I can see rape charges in New Jersey? Her father was a rapist, and if I can find that, then I could find her last name and call 911 or a Suicide hotline and they could maybe find her.', 'Yes, she is. Sorry for the late update. I thoght I had sent one a while ago but it must have glitched.', 'I have my friend who was suicidal once talking to her. I know nothing more than the fact she lives in NJ, so unfortunately I cant call the police, and her doctor isnt an option. Shes an internet friend, but Ive known her for over a year now.', 'I will. Thanks for the help, everyone.', 'Yes, she is. Shes gone from "See you on the other side, Jordan." to "I wont be able to get on twitter for a long time, but this isnt the last time Ill see you." and making a long-term plan so that we can talk. The reason she was going to kill herself is because she was suicidal already, but then her mother found a drawing of Katie killing herself with Anger words about her mother scrawled on it, and her mom is really mad, and shes taking away Phobia, Social networks. A very bad idea considering most of her friends are online. Her three IRL best friends have all killed themselves. Shes said shes going to kill herself a few times just for attention, but that wasnt it this time. And to anybody who said to call the police, even though Ive known her for upwards of a year, I dont know anything more than her first name and her state. I attempted to use a program called Creepy to find out, it basically compiles information visible to anyone. You could go though every bit of someones tweets and find more info. But, Creepy only takes five minutes. If they have locations turned on, it shows you where that tweet was sent from. Unfortunately, shes too smart and has them turned off, or else I would have. ', 'In the end, she didnt do it. She is alive today, but still suicidal. ', 'UPDATE: She drew a picture of her committing Suicide with Anger notes to her mother that werent meant to be seen, and they were. Apparently her mother is "Anger"']

Indicator

user-187

['Things seem to have taken a turn for the worst... Im so Worried for her life now. ', 'I think youre right.. I think its time I started seeing someone to talk to. Ive put it off for about a year now. (my mother has been offering the option for about that long) I cant believe people care about this.. And arent just looking at it like just another sad break up.. Thats what my parents did. Thats what most friends did. Only 3 people including strangers on reddit have been understanding. Or at least try to be. And supportive too. Thank you so much for being here for me... My mind is in such a bad place.. ', 'I have been trying to focus on friends.. Ive been trying to get out almost every day Im free just to keep my mind active and distracted. 2 other guys and I keep going out trying to get girls numbers and just being high school guys but I feel worse and worse because in the back of my head I still want to spend my days with her. Its been a few weeks since we were together too.. ', 'In all honesty.. I only want her. I want to be happy with her again.. I still love her and I dont want to find someone else to replace her.. Deep down I dont want to find someone else. ', 'I think I am going to get help. As soon as I can. I feel like if I dont Ill stay exactly how I am falling deeper and deeper and Im afraid if I fall any deeper I might give up... I already have thoughts that I fight. Maybe I really should do something. My mother has been concerned about my wellbeing. But she doesnt know the full story of all this.. She thinks its just a breakup I need to get over. ', 'I feel safer with one person because Ive never had a best friend or a loved one I would go to when I needed them. People have always just come and go in my life so for me to connect to one girl who loved me the way I loved her... I felt like I wasnt alone anymore. Like it wasnt just me every day mindlessly going through my life.. Ik it sounds needy but I guess Im just the type of person who can only connect with one person on that level. ', 'Its not that I feel better with friends.. I feel distracted. When I was drinking and cutting it was only to see if I still feel anything.. The drinking I just feel guilty and the cutting makes me hate myself.. Ive stopped that tho.', 'Ya know.. Ive struggled with Depression for about a year and a half now. It only got better in the time I was with her. But now that I dont really have her here, Ive fallen to a place so dark Im actually scared to be home alone because Im afraid of myself. The breakup happened Superbowl Sunday. Yeh lousy timing. There were 2 breakups. The first wasnt bad and just more of a lets try to work around some issues and the second was when she decided she couldnt be with me if she were to try and get better.. ', 'I feel destroyed not just because of a breakup. People break up. Ive done it before. I am destroyed because I poured everything I am into someone who gave me everything she was.. And now shes gone.. This evening after I showered and shaved I stared at myself in the mirror and asked how would I want my last day to be like.. Thats how I know something is seriously wrong with me. Im too scared to tell anyone. I dont want to alarm my friends or family.. ', 'Im getting help. Very soon.. I think its about time I do. Ive already fallen in the deep end and if I try to get out by myself Im Worried Ill fall back in and there wont be any water.. ', 'She was. Im also glad I did what I could. She deserves a good life. The last few weeks have been the probably the worst of my life and maybe hers. But Ive got alot of life to live yet, and Im going to change myself for the better... Its about time I have. Thank you for being here for me and listening/understanding when you dont even know us.. It really means so much to me. ', 'Well for the next few days Im just going to go to school, come home, wait for dinner, go to bed early. Basically repeat that every day.. Maybe Friday I was gonna call her and try to talk even a little bit.. Btw did I mention I dont sleep.A. Because I cant sleep in general (due to Anxiety) B. When I do sleep I only dream of her still being here.. C. What is there for me when I wake up now..?', 'I love her more than life... I know I put too much of myself into us and thats why it hurts so bad but I honestly dont regret doing so.. She does have some things she needs to work out and I support her but I dont want her to go.. I know it hurts her too.. Because Ive tried to reach out to her and she has her friends read the texts before she does because it hurts that bad.. I know I should be supportive but I feel so alone. Having her gone and her not being here just... Its tearing me apart and driving me to such a bad place. Thank you tho for wanting to help.. It does mean alot. ', 'Every single time I feel like I get close to someone or I have someone there for me they go away or become distant not for personal reasons.. They just go. My girlfriend was the first person who I felt like isnt going anywhere. For the first time I actually looked at my future as less lonely and something to consider with her.. She helped me cope with my Anxiety whenever Id have a panic attack shed calm me down so well.. Shes the only one who knew how to calm my overactive mind. ', 'Ive tried talking to friends. They all tell me the same thing.. Love what was, but move on and eventually Ill find someone else. In all honesty I dont want to spend my life finding someone else. I liked being with her because I felt safe and genuinely happy.. Idk maybe a strangers support will help me get my head out of such a dark place. Because noone I know is doing any good.. ', 'Im not sure what there is to talk about anymore. Im not sad or happy. Im just.. I feel empty. Like literal nothing. The only times Ill be sad or upset is when I begin to think about when I was happy. Or at least think I was. Or when I think about my ex girlfriend. Once I start thinking about it all I cant stop and I just dont want anything to do with anyone or go anywhere.. Idk maybe Im just broken and dont know what makes me feel.. Probably doesnt make sense. But it does to me. ', 'Yeh man.. She um.. I spoke to her earlier just to see how she was.. And she told me that the night we broke up, she opened the box in which she had duct taped bad things inside (to hide it away from herself) and she swallowed the pills inside.. She had her stomach pumped in time tho. She "had stitches too". She told me some other things that scared me so much.. But my head got straight. For the first time in a while I didnt panic. I didnt do anything other than talk softly and encourage trying harder at life. As soon as she left, I messaged her dad, sister and best friend and told them everything she said. I told them she needs as much help the world can offer right now. I still care. I also decided that as a 16 year old I shouldnt have to deal with things as heavy as this.. Ive got my issues but Im going to deal with them ASAP. I shouldnt have to hold someone elses life or worry about loved ones dying at any moment. I think now that Ive gotten everyone aware of the severity of the situation.. I need to move on. To work at myself. Ive done everything in my power for HER.', 'Ive has Anxiety for a long time. Long as I can remember actually.. But it became pretty apparent last summer? Maybe the one before. When I was with her I rarely had panic attacks though.. Now that shes gone Ive had more than I can count. So she wasnt just good for me emotionally she helped me with my own Depression and Anxiety. Along with hers... ', 'Im going to try to make a change for myself and she is going to get what she needs.. Thank you for just being here and listening to all this. You really helped. ', 'Im not sure... Ive always felt alone and thats what made the Anxiety worse sometimes and the Depression more apparent.. Im not Tired rounded when it comes to sharing myself with friends. Id much rather just have one person there with me because I feel.... More secure.. ', 'Losing her makes me feel alone and aimless again. Like I have no reason for anything.. I feel some guilt. Only because I know I made mistakes and broke a few promises.. I know if I had the chance Id be able to do right. When Im with my friends its a distraction so I feel somewhat better.. But usually only for that brief time. When Im at home I just wander around from room to room. Eventually having a panic attack then Ill just cry myself into a corner for a half hour.. Then repeat about an hour later. I dont trust myself because Ive been playing with matches. (literally) Theres a hard liquor rack in my house and Ive started drinking a bit.. Ive tried cutting a few times to see if I feel anything.. I just dont like what goes through my head. I cant even distract myself easily.. ']

Behavior

user-169

['Hi,I want you to be happy. I want you to be free from the suffering. You seem to have a good heart. This is rare. I know a way to free yourself from external factors. A way to gain happiness within. Meditation changed my life. Im not talking about some esoteric bullshit. Im talking about transforming your mind. To live happy and peacefully. You deserve it. Just pm me and Ill tell you more.Take care friend!', 'And he is right! And think about all the other stuff that they programmed us with. Your worth in society for example. Its so fucked up what we were told. People kill themselves because they think they are not worth it. Worth it for what? There is no fucking reason to be alive. Dont be pressured into believing you have to be "worth" it. What does it even mean? Some arbitrary standard I have to life up to? Fuck that! Make your own standards. Dont look at what other people have or can do. Just look at yourself and what person you are. And to be honest, you seem like a decent guy! Cherish that!', '"itd be wasted on a selfish bastard like me". Dont hate yourself man! No reason for that. Everyone makes mistakes. Dont look back to the past. The past already happened. You cant influence it. Look at the present moment. You feel like you have been selfish in the past? Ok, just try to have better intentions next time. Trust me itll work.If you want to talk, Im from Germany but my english is fairly good. Just pm me! Ill listen to you. I do care about you! ', 'You should try to love yourself. See, maybe you fucked everything up (in your opinion) but you did it with the intention of being a good person. We have little control over what happens with us in our lifes (at least partly), but we shouldnt blame ourselves. For example, you are trying to get a job. Its not that you are too lazy or just cant be asked. You should love youself for that! You do care about your children...how many people dont do that. You should care about yourself because you are a good person. Its just that shit happened to you that was (for most parts) out of your control. Please get rid of that part in your thinking that says you dont deserve things or that you are not worth it. Unfortunately this is just conditioning. We are told from young age how to be and what it means to be worthy of living in society, etc. To be honest fuck all that. In my book it only counts how well your intentions are. If you are a good person with good intention you deserve to be loved. So love yourself!', 'Then keep trying. It takes some time, even years...but itll be worth it!', 'That. And analyze the way you think. Why do we all think we have to achieve something special? Its the same reason we want to have kids. To live on forever (or at least our genes or our name). Once you realize that your head is basically fucking with you its easier to just let these thoughts be and to not act upon them. Dont get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with trying to achieve something for yourself, but if it doesnt work out you shouldnt worry about it. We all suffered from conditioning throughout our lifes. Thats why we think we are not "worth it" or why we seek happiness in the wrong places.Try to not look at what others have. Instead try to look inside yourself and see what little thing can make you happy.I meditate and have to say that things are getting more and more clear for me. We have a lot of baggage in our lifes. Meditation helps me to "see" this baggage....hell, it lets me laugh about it. Its like you see your mind telling yourself "you are not worth it" but you know its just conditioning of your mind. It lets you see these things objectively. Helped (and is helping) me a lot! Pm me if you want to talk or if you want any more details about meditation.', 'First of all I want to say, I want you to live! Well, you might say that I dont know you and you would be right. But I feel for you. I want you to be ok. I do care about you. First of all I would recommend getting professional help. Not the first person that is available but someone who you feel comfortable talking with. Someone nice that can help you out.Secondly get a steady job. Even if its a crappy one. Try some jobs involving Cannabis. You got arrested for possesion, but people working in this industry (head shops, etc.) wouldnt mind hiring you. Im pretty sure. At least give it a try.Thirdly, get away from that crazy bitch...she sounds mad! You cannot help your children right now. You have to sort out your life first. But dont worry. Crazy as she is she will make stupid mistakes and the kids will be given to you when your life is sorted out. And even if that is not going to happen...once your kids are old enough they want to get to know you and they will realize what a nice guy you are and what a bitch she is.You could try out meditation btw. I helped me hugely during times of Anxiety and depression. Talk about it with your professional help or pm me if you want to know details about it.I hope this post will help you out in any way!Next time I meditate I will think about you. May you be free from Suffering and may you live in peace and harmony.Some guy from Germany who cares!', 'And why do you need a decent job? Why not pick up trash for example? Its good for the community and for the environment. Just because someone defined wastemen to be not a decent living? Well someone has to do it. Its not about having a great job. Just get a job where you can help people or the community.', 'See that is your problem. You tried to be something to prove to other people that they are wrong. Find something you want to be. You might still be a loser in the eyes of most people, but you know what...fuckem! Its not about them. You have to feel good about yourself. And you should! The universe doesnt care if you achieve something or not. Try to enjoy yourself.', 'I know what you mean. But realize this...your perspective on life is defined by the things you have been told and by the way you think.Here are two quotes from the buddha (a person, not a god, who was able to transform his mind):\xe2\x80\x9cWe are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.\xe2\x80\x9dand\xe2\x80\x9cYou yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.\xe2\x80\x9dIm pretty sure meditation might do you good. I have done it for several years. Please contact me for details. Dont worry, Im not religous. Meditation has nothing to do with the religion buddhism. Its exploring ones mind. This exploring might help you find out what it is you need to be happy (and not what you have been told what happiness is supposed to be).', 'They do. Because they are all conditioned into believing in a fairytale about happiness. Make a difference. Be a happy person. So that another kid that sees you will see that there are people who are different. Use meditation. Use it a lot. You said you meditated before. Tell me about it. What kind of meditation and for how long?', 'But why is that? You have been made to believe in certain facts, like:- you have to achieve something in your life.- you are a loser if you dont do something productive with your life.But who says this? Its been feed to you since you were a small child.And btw. you should check with a doctor. It could be that you have a chemical inbalance. That can be a serious problem and might influence the way you think and act. Check with a doctor, please!', 'Hell, I smoke everyday! Its all good. Just get any job and smoke in the evenings.', 'Why did you stop? And did you do metta (loving-kindness) meditation towards yourself?', 'Depends, doesnt it? Depends on from which point of view you look at it! You get around and go to new places. Use that! Find friends there. Talk to people. It all depends on your attitude. The mind is a powerful thing.', 'Go and get yourself some hobbies. Join any club that is cheap or for free. Good way to get to know people and to get to know girls (worked for me).']

Supportive

user-58

['Im a teen living with parents that control every aspect of my life, whats the point of me even living it', 'I just feel like killing myself is the only way I can have control over my own life,it would be my decision ']

Ideation

user-48

['Definitely not easy. I live in the Southeast US. As for unemployment support, as odd as it may seem, I really dont want that. I want to earn my money. I want to know that my money is given to me because I did something, not simply because Im down on my luck. As I said, Ive been homeless, and I cant tell you how much it breaks my heart to see someone thats obviously struggling give me money for a meal. It just feels wrong. Not that I dont appreciate it, but I feel that it isnt right taking money from another soul who needs it. Nowadays I spend my nights in drunken sadness, as my "friends" seem to think booze solves all of lifes problems. And honestly, Id rather die than fall back into that path. Its a dark and morbid reality to live in. I guess what Im trying to say is that I want to live life earning my living from those who can afford to pay someone to do honest work, rather than taking it for no work from someone who needs it. And seeing as that doesnt seem to be reality, I dont see much reason left to live in such a world.', 'My ex pulled the same shit on me. I had a gun to my head, said I wanted to die, and all she could say before she left was "do it." I didnt stop for myself, Im still crazy depressed. I stopped so that she wouldnt get the satisfaction of my death. They say happiness is the best revenge, and thats sure as hell what Im working for. Hang in there, you can find something that makes you happy. It doesnt have to be a person, or even a living thing. Just something that makes life feel like its worth living. And Im not saying its easy to find, because it sure as hell isnt. But that what makes it so much more satisfying. Knowing youve worked your ass off and finally getting the happiness you feel that you deserve. If you need to talk, pm me and Ill pm you back from my main account so we can talk. Ive posted here before and Ive since then gotten back on my Oedema of extremity and gotten my shit straight. It wont be easy, but you can too.', 'Maybe. I really hope so. Feeling this way is the worst. I really wish I could have a positive outlook like most people seem to.', 'As a follow up to this, where do I direct my "FUCK YOU"? If Im homeless, nobody will employ me. Ill be left with nothing but debt and a cardboard box. Douglass was able to start his movement because there were people out there that wanted to join his cause. People that wanted to help him and others like him. There were few, but they were there. Now with my situation, you know who wants to help me? You know who wants to help a soon-to-be homeless man with debt out the ass? Not a damn person, thats who.Not to say that your post wasnt uplifting, but he had people behind his cause. I have nothing. Ive struggled with alcoholism with nobody even offering to help. I *pleaded* for people to help me stop, and nobody did. Not friends, not family, not counselors. And at that time, I still had some control over my life, so I was able to say "fuck you" to that. Now Ive lost that control and Im still without the things I need. All I need is a job that will let me work my ass off for food on the table, but because of who I appear to be to complete strangers, its assumed that I dont need it. They all want to give the job to the older guy, who has a family backing him up, or the war vet who still has income trickling in if they really need it. Not the young guy looking to support himself. Ive killed my habits that seeked to kill me, and Ive done my best to better myself, and its landed me up shit creek without even a boat, let alone a paddle.', 'You shouldnt do it because youre looking for a life in the wrong place. This may sound odd, but its true. Not everyone is made out for university, despite what society leads you to believe. Find something you love doing and utilize that to make your living. What do you like doing? I may be able to help you out. Feel free to shoot me a PM if you want someone to rant to.', 'Ive been there and Ill throw my two cents in. Your teacher asked because they were concerned. Someone cared that you were there. Reflect on that. Chances are, nobody else even gives a shit if youve put on a few pounds. Shit happens, man. Youre not going to class to be judged, and neither is anyone else. Youre going there to learn, and so is everyone else. Just keep your mind to your studies as best you can. I know it isnt easy being depressed, I can speak personally about this. However, you signed up for the class in order to go there and learn new things and advance yourself. What harm can it do to learn a thing or two?', 'Im not calling *everything* here bullshit. But Im really fucking Tired of hearing "Oh, itll get better" or "Think of the people that love you" (Aint none of those left). Im looking for a legitimate reason to not just say "fuck it".']

Attempt

user-344

['They did! Ill respond to them with my concerns and such, thanks for checking in, I was feeling a bit alone today :/', 'I dont have a smartphone sadly :(', 'I will, thanks! Is the offer still open to email and such?', 'And Im doing OK-ish, Stress about college and somewhat irrationally worried about losing friends and wondering who I can share my feelings with :/', 'Another thing is that since the summer I feel alone, trying to connect with old friends but theyre either away or busy or just dont answer for the most part. It seems Im lonelier in the summer than when Im in school.', 'Im not sure what to say other than PLEASE unload your guns, throw away the bullets (or lock them in a safe, or something) and call a hotline. And in my case in universities you generally have to be persistent in getting help. I know when I was in my worst period I had to be put on a waiting list the first time despite voicing extreme suicidal thoughts.', 'Sure, why not. Im feeling pretty much alone right now. ', 'To clarify, by unload I Irritable Mood remove the bullets from your guns. Im not sure what the proper gun terminology is for that.', 'Im doing ok but been better...laptop got stolen at a party and feeling eh...watched a movie with some friends though. Thanks so much for checking in, howre you?', 'I have MSN and facebook.', 'Thanks for your help, Ill take you up on your offer :)', 'Bilal. I may have explained it to you in an email.', 'Here is me.http://imgur.com/j0u1AxQ', 'whats bbm?', 'One other thing Im fretting about is that Im 20 but never had a girlfriend before, and feel a bit lonely now :/', 'Thanks, this really does help, I have trouble recognizing small victories ', 'And sorry to triple post but Im trying to find a balance between staying connected to friends and coming on too strong :/', 'Ah I see abot the PMs, didnt see it. Still appreciate the advice though.', 'Im studying biochem, hopefully to get into the medical field as a pharmacist, psychiatrist, anesthesiologist, or radiologist. I hope it pans out though.']

Indicator

user-235

['My brother committed suicide three years ago. His 29th birthday would have been tomorrow. Look, someone who is serious about committing suicide is going to find a way to do it no matter what. He is going to resent you, be mad at you, maybe even hate you, but none of that will matter as soon as someone runs screaming that he killed himself. You dont want to go through what I did. I will never be able to think about my brother without crying. I cant even say out loud that my brother is dead, there is nothing I can do about it and that he is gone forever. You need to tell your parents and get him help. I dont care if he is mad at you, better mad at you then dead. I regret so many days that I didnt tell my brother I loved him. Dont ever tell someone who is thinking of committing suicide to do it, dont challenge them. Because what if he did? You would never be able to live with yourself. Ever. Let him know that you are not out to get him, tell him you love him. I dont know if this would help, but write him a letter. In this letter, write what you would want to say if he did do it. Unfortunately, people dont understand what they are to people. I still write my brother letters even though he is dead, telling him whats going on, so its like hes not even missing it. Seriously, find him some help. If he resents you, thats fine. You might have to admit him into a hospital on suicide watch if youre afraid he might do something. ']

Indicator

user-252

['I have been looking, only one crisis center.I am looking for a text counseling that is 24/7 to get me through the night', 'baby steps are killing me', 'Eh, not the easiest thing to do. I get some relief when my boyfriend comes home from college. My college is communal. not many organizations that catch my interests. But I am already trying for that. Signed up yesterday. ', 'I really hope so. I already incredibly broken.', 'No, I am not very open about this sort of thing. I am not very close to any family members. A few know what is going on but thats about it. My boyfriend knows the most of whats going on with me in particular. Basically family is out of the question. Not to mention I think mental illness runs within my mothers side. I am not blood related to anyone within my family. Neither are the 3 siblings except to each other. ', 'My boyfriend knows the most. I am not very open about my situation or emotions.', 'Not entirely. On occation I will get triggers.I have gotten pretty well at "ignoring" or "switching off" the events in my head.But I guess that gives me some symptoms right? I avoid certain areas, thoughts and talk. I used to have more Nightmares where I would wail out. Not sure if I still encounter those.', 'I looked at the counselors but they arent very useful. And I should look more into their resources more, but I know there isnt anything for that.']

Ideation

user-21

['> I know sometimes you will have days when you literally cant bear to move... thats me every day.Please dont belittle my depression. I have had this every year since I was 16, and its awful. I was told I am also likely to have it for the rest of my life. We unfortunately both suffer a lot, so please dont act like its a competition. (Forgive me if Im misinterpreting your comment.)', '>Internet people to the rescue!:)What are you studying? I was just talking to my advisor how Im Feeling nervous about how much work and Pressure there is in grad school (but he thinks I should go), and how I want to go somewhere close to home. His response: "Dont worry about it being close to home, you wont even have time to see anyone!" ...Way to help me with that first concern.', 'Let us know how it goes/went.', 'I just searched reddit for "forever alone" because thats how I feel. Maybe sharing my story will help...?Ive been feeling really alone at college lately and have gone out just once this entire semester. I forced myself to contact someone tonight and he told me to meet him and his friends at a frat house at 11. I showered, put on makeup, got all dressed up, and headed over there. I texted my friend and got no response. I went inside, asked around, couldnt find him. There was barely anyone there and the few who were were all freshmen. I left, still hoping to get a response. I drove to the bar where a lot of people hang out, but it looked pretty deserted so I didnt go in. Theres 24 hour grocery store around the corner, so I went in and picked up milk and candy for trick-or-treaters... *Forever alone.*But guess what? Tonight, were alone together.', 'Please look at [the post I just wrote](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/csrba/just_so_you_know_that_theres_a_good_chance_that/). Like you, I was a teenage girl with a great life (supportive family, caring friends, good grades, promising future) and was still Depression and suicidal. Now Im neither Depression nor suicidal, and Im grateful every day that I didnt kill myself a few years ago when it seemed like the only option.You say your OCD and Anxiety are self-diagnosed -- have you told anyone about your problems? It was Pain and difficult for me to do that, but its necessary. Please seek help.', 'Thanks. Im going to send an email to my professors now, just letting them know that Im Illness and going to be out of class. I just dont want them to know why, but Im afraid not explaining sounds suspicious.What do you mean by "back on track"? Are you back in school? My biggest Fear is not finishing college because of this. Not finishing is really not an option for someone from my family/area/background, and I want it for myself, too. I really love learning normally. ', 'How do I keep from losing friends at work?', 'Dont listen to douchebag casperrosewater. Its perfectly normal to need your parents to help you right now. However, they might not really understand the severity of the situation or want to face it right now. Try again to see if theyll find someone, if not, you call. Its tough and the mental health system is difficult, but youll find treatment. Dont give up.', 'Yeah, always.']

Ideation

user-313

['Our situation sounds very similar, you are right we have to keep hope, its just difficult when it seems so small. I try my best to be his friend and be the person that is good for him, I cant do much now. His happiness brings me happiness. So I dont mind doing things for him even though I probably shouldnt be. All I can do is offer my friendship and hope that one day things can change. That love Hyperactive behavior you said might bring us together again someday. Anything is possible. ', 'Our situation sounds very similar, you are right we have to keep hope, its just difficult when it seems so small. I try my best to be his friend and be the person that is good for him, I cant do much now. His happiness brings me happiness. So I dont mind doing things for him even though I probably shouldnt be. All I can do is offer my friendship and hope that one day things can change. That love Hyperactive behavior you said might bring us together again someday. Anything is possible. Ill try to keep my head up even though its difficult. I hope your love comes back to you or your find happiness in another. Thank you for your words, they made it a little bit easier. ', 'Yes, that sounds similar, Im glad you understand. Ive had a life long obsession with Japan. Its always interested me even when I was really young, I have a dream that one day I could live there. Ive noticed that it is one thing people related that I actually get any type of happiness from. I use to look up vlogs on youtube, planned on learning the language, Spent hours reading about it, and watching videos. (sounds really stupid now that I think of it) All of it made me excited, and kept my dream alive but it was also the dream of someone I cared about, so Now all of that brings me sadness. I hate how I cant love the things I use to because of them. I dont really know what I want. I Irritable Mood I know what it is but its not really something I should rely on because it could very easily be taken from me. Other people tell me to be a 20 year old, party, have short term relationships, talk to people, etc, take huge risks. I Hyperactive behavior those things and i will do them but its just not me. I can deal with being a 20+ year old, parting all that junk but in the end there is only a few things that I want and I dont really know how to change.', 'Im sorry its been tough, you can always pm me if you need to talk. :)', 'Sorry If its a bit confusing, Im a writer at heart so when I get upset, I tend to go overboard. The Anger would be my depression/anxiety/self-doubts, all around bad stuff etc. Giving into it refers to suicide. I talk to my best friend and others but I dont go into detail with them. As for professional help Im looking into it but its a waiting game since I cant just hop on it do to not having insurance :/.', 'Things were getting a lot better for about a month or so after posting. They were amazing actually. Everything crashed again in the past two weeks so I kind of took a leap in the wrong direction and am going down hill again. The depression, anxiousness and suicidal thoughts are back full force and its overwhelming. Going from such a good place for a month and going back to this misery is horrible. Im hopeless again and its sucks. I want things to change, I really do but Im at a loss. "Im getting closer to giving into my Anger" I should put it.', 'Good things where just happening and I was finally happier then I had been in a very long time. It felt nice, I felt Hyperactive behavior I could do anything and then it just crumbled and bad things started happening again. So I gave up on the things I was working towards( Hyperactive behavior going to the gym, talking to people, just creating better habbits ect.) I still made progress but I lost a bunch too. I try to get into things but then they remind of people I care about that I lost and I get upset. I try to make myself busy but its hard to do things when all you want is to stay in bed and cry. All the hope/happiness that I gained is gone now so Its hard to just keep going. I feel selfish for what I am feeling so thank you for the last paragraph.']

Ideation

user-459

['I had similar thoughts , and when i was young and i actually did some bad stuff to some people . The thing that got me trough was my endless imagination , one day i actually started to think the opposite instead of Depressed mood people i felt the need to help people .So just to satisfy my curiosity i actually ended up doing it . Just Hyperactive behavior you i was pretty popular in school and i had a pretty big influence on other kids so i started standing up for all the bullied kids , and by the end of the year everyone called me Big Brother. So if you want some guidance try to imagine yourself doing some pretty awesome stuff , let your imagination run wild . For example there was a really nerdy kid in my school and he was always picked on , so one day out of my desire to help and Shock the entire class i started to build a "fort" from books chairs and anything available around me so i could protect him better , and i would become all defensive if anyone touched it . I know sounds Abnormal behavior and it probably is but it made me feel good . Making people feel awesome > killing yourself or Depressed mood someone else >fantasize about killing raping or dismembering others That is actually normal as a young Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult most of us feel the urge to explore and understand violence but you will soon feel the need to explore and understand suffering from the victims point of view . Its a part of growing up . As soon as you understand suffering as a victim your fantasies will cease . Also why kill yourself when you can become the most awesome guy in school ? God dammit i miss my Drug abuse school days . ']

Ideation

user-160

['I came here for help, not for you to 1-up me on why you have more reason to kill yourself.']

Ideation

user-276

['I understand that feeling. Completely. I was ruminating on your second sentence, as it relates to my life, the other day. If I dont play it perfect, people avoid me because Im "trying too hard" or am "aloof."Im surrounded by people, but no one wants to be a friend or lover. My family is thousands of miles away. Theyre the only reason I havent killed myself yet. Theyve given me so much more than anyone. Sometimes I think its more than I deserve. I was thinking about "it" today, but I wasnt going across the right bridge. Today was a disaster in slo-mo. A waking nightmare.Do you want death, or do you want an end to suffering? That often is the real question that may or may not help you. I dont know, Im in the same place rambling to fulfill my own needy ego. I wish you the best, stranger.']

Ideation

user-443

['Why are you disgusting?', 'I felt the same way. In my school there was this perfect girl. She was amazing. After Drug abuse school she had a breakdown. I joked with friends that thats what would happen to me, because I was in her position. It happened. Separate instances, but I went crazy. When Robin Williams news came out I got worried because Im kinda going down the same path. Maybe its a bit of a wake up call for all of us. You need to reach out to your friends. Thats what my therapist keeps telling me. She told me to write letters to my friends if I wont see them in person. Its very cathartic. You should start there.', 'I have the same thing! Mine works by the hours, i first noticed that it went off my internal clock when daylight savings time hit in fall and i felt early. In the daytime (10 AM-6PM) Im great but night (10pm-10am) i get dark. Its worse on the weekends. And that changing attitudes! I can never decide on things because if i Hypersomnia on it I feel the complete opposite of what I felt before, but come decision time Ive made a complete 180. I have a ton of questions: 1) How long has this been going on?2) Do you show conflicting emotions during the daytime?3) Do things trigger Mental Depression for you in the daytime?4) Has this been continuous? Id also Hyperactive behavior to talk with you because I think Ive figured this phenomenon out, but it could be just me', 'Do you honestly way deep down believe your friends would do that?', 'Break the cycle. First step: instead of watching Depressed mood tv, watch something you enjoy. When Im down, I love to watch my favorite show, Community. Anyway Im feeling down, I find the episode I can most identify with and watch it. I laugh and I feel not so alone in the world. Watch some comedy specials (Donald Glovers Weirdo is great and available on YouTube). Its hard to just work out or read a book. Dont do something just so you can tell people you did it, do something that youll actually enjoy. Thats the first step.', 'What do you Hyperactive behavior?', 'Sometimes I feel the same way. Like Im doing more harm then good, Hyperactive behavior Im scum, Hyperactive behavior Im the worst person on the planet. But if you feel that way youd be wrong. There are people far worse. And you know what separates them from you? Not their actions but their conscience. The fact you feel that way means you are a good person and you care. ', 'I felt that way after a break-up. What got me through was realizing that I was the better one in the relationship. I was too good for her. You should take stock and look at you. Youre a woman, you have boobs, honestly that puts you really Drug abuse up there.Then there is revenge. As the great Kanye West put it, "Success is the best revenge." Do better than him. I dont know how old you are or where youre at in life but make that a goal in some way. I just found out that Im doing much better than my bullies from five years ago. It took me five years but its a grand feeling. By a bigger house than him, get a hotter boyfriend, make a shit ton more money then him. Do better than him. Youll feel amazing about yourself and youll get your revenge. ', 'You know, there are perfectly happy adults who have thought of Suicide at least once. Most people do, you arent alone in that vein.', 'I googled something Hyperactive behavior this. What came up said "Theres no easy way to kill yourself, its gonna be messy." There is no easy way to this. Youre gonna feel Ache and your mom will be devastated and still have to clean you up for your funeral. You dont want that. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you care about her, its not okay to make her come face-to-face with the idea that she failed as a mother.Theres no easy way to it, its gonna be messy. ', 'Is there anything you enjoy? Thats why you should wake up. I felt that way for a long time. One day I just made my joys simple. Tomorrow I want to wake up so I can watch Jeopardy. I want to wake up everyday after that because Sunday theres a new episode of the Leftovers and True Blood. Then Monday, Under the Dome. Wednesday, Wilfred. And then Ill do it again next week. Just find something small to look forward to. Its great.', 'Do you really feel Hyperactive behavior dying or is it the existing? For me its the existing, I screw up sometimes and I beat myself up for it. I dont want to die, but Id Hyperactive behavior to stop existing. But thats only temporary. I think you should go back and teach English. It seems Hyperactive behavior you need a win, and that would be a great feather in your cap. Youll feel really good about that.', 'Im in the same position. They make the problem seem Hyperactive behavior its all you, but its not you, its them. Best advice I can give is to try and keep your nose clean until you can get out of there. For me, I try but something always comes up. But Ive only got two months left. Its hard, so to make that time seem bearable, I Hyperactive behavior to watch my favorite shows. You should do whatever you Hyperactive behavior (that wont get you in to trouble) and use that to Sedated state down some. School will be good because you are with friends most of the day and you can really isolate yourself from them.', 'Yeah ', 'Youre so young. You still have so much life in you left. Part of this deep sadness is the forming of your frontal lobe, basically you get over emotional. Its a part of puberty. I know this isnt your only problem, but just remember that. When you see your situation, remind yourself that its not as bad as you see it. I felt the way you do, I still do. But I remember that my frontal lobe is still forming. Also, look to the future, youll get to leave soon. Youll be your own person. The stuff thats bringing you down, itll go away. You just have to hold on.']

Indicator

user-191

['I know I speak for most, if not all, the redditors here when I say; Tell me why you are feeling this way. We can do our best to help in any way. ', 'Im sad to hear someone else had to go through this pain. And glad at the same time to share it with someone else. I know its hard. And I truly dont want to be alone either. I dont want to be here missing the one person who was the only thing I had in the world. I dont know what else is left for me to care about. And that is what hurts the most, I just dont know what to do and dont care to do anything. Im sorry for your troubles my friend :(. I hope you find someone or maybe you find a way to is your troubles with the one you love. I wish I could save people from what I am going through.']

Supportive

user-385

['Have you been on the same meds for the past 5 years? Therapists can offer you some good coping strategies go help you deal with the situation yourself during difficult times, but in my experience, some of them just plain suck. Finding a good one isnt the easiest thing. ', 'Let your child be the reason for you to keep going. Your child hasnt had a say into whether or not they would Hyperactive behavior to live. Please do not do this. Please try to push on. If you broke up with him it means you have respect for yourself, and part of you wants to live, and believes there is hope. There are so many things that can go wrong during pregnancy, so it is always a miracle when a baby makes it this far. Things will get better for you. ', 'Are you aware that there are other treatments? Therapy and meds are not the only option. ', 'Please pm me or something. Let me know that youre still alive. Give some sort of a response. Give an indication youre still alive. There are people out there who care.', 'Is money the issue? Because although it would help, therapy and western medicine isnt the only option.', 'Answer me please, tell me what treatment you have gotten for feeling this way? You are not alone. I have been where you are many times. ', 'Good psychs are really hard to find. But they do exist. Might I suggest, look around for any Buddhist centres/temples in your city, see if you can go to a group session to learn meditation from a Buddhist monk/guru. ', 'Thank you kindly silentlyundying', 'OP is posting to Suicide watch. She is clearly feeling hopeless. OP is after support, not criticism. I would give you support too if you were in the same situation. ', 'I know exactly how you feel brother. It certainly does feel as though nobody cares sometimes in my situation too. Please tell me, have you undergone any treatment at all? ']

Indicator

user-293

['That medication is a poison that will suck the life out of you and possibly destroy anything you still find dear to you.I am not the only one that feels this way.My personal recommendation is to stop taking that as soon as possible and try something (anything) else.', 'Oh wow, thats terrible.. Im very sorry to hear that. I do think its great that you and "J" are there for her. Thats certainly something.My opinion, Im not a doctor: Being that shes been Depressed mood that long, its likely not something that is just going to go away. If she is opposed to medication, which many people are, then I believe that Therapy would ultimately be her best bet.As for what you and "J" can do.. Beyond what youre already doing. Without knowing the individual I really wouldnt know what to suggest. Um.. I know something that helped me was describing what the Mental Depression looks Hyperactive behavior, in my minds eye as I could feel it. To me is alike a dark cloud in constant motion throughout my body. I know that really isnt much at all.. You two being there in her corner and supporting her is, i think, her greatest benefit right now.', '> hope about the situation getting better will hopefully helpYeah, definitely. Until theres no hope at all, just keep hold of this.Im sorry things didnt work out the way you wanted. But hey, this was the first big step. Now not only do you have someone possibly helping out, it also gives her more time to think about things. That can only help at this point.So I wish you the best of luck, man.Ill be around.', 'Dont be sorry, this is the perfect place to get things Hyperactive behavior that out. You should do it as often as you need.', 'Well.. You are government property, so that would be illegal. (Its true)While I have been on that brink more times than I even know.. Ive been so close that because of the hair trigger, one involuntary twitch of my finger would have sealed the deal. Even still,I fight for anyone that wants to kill themselves. And I even respect that its a personal choice. I seriously do. I cant help it..', 'Hey, you dont need to be so hard on yourself. I agree thats a crappy situation, and sure. I say why not give her a call tomorrow and just see if shes up for talking about whatever.But none of this means that youre a failure It certainly doesnt Irritable Mood youll fail the music theory entrance exam next time either. By then things could be going great for you. Keep your chin up. Or try?', 'I am incredibly sorry that youve had such a difficult life. I cant even imagine. I thought my Schizophrenia, Childhood had been bad. Im learning lately that mine was a walk in the park.I hope it helped for you to open up Hyperactive behavior that. That first step took a lot of courage. Were all anonymous here. If you need someone to talk to in the future, Im usually here and I would be happy to.', 'Im in', 'I cant speak for the OP, but for me there was no one in my circles that could seem to understand. Sure, you can talk about it. Then those that dont understand look at you differently. Then of course there are the people that think Mental Depression is just being sad about something. So you should cheer up. In my experience, it can do more harm than good.', 'Have you had an increase in dosage yet?I only ask because there seems to be a fairly quick tolerance buildup and then it levels out.', 'Hey man, you know I thought about it. I dont know the specifics, and I dont need to know them. But just speaking in general, even if your words werent well received, she really shouldnt be angry. You cant help it that you have feelings, right?I dunno, I think it will be all good.', 'Yes I do know. Or at least I know my own Ache and Feeling despair over my life. I dont know your Ache exactly, but I can share the experience. I thought I was surely hopeless at one point. I knew it wasnt going to get better. For some reason I held on, and it did get better.It can get better. and just a little better feels Hyperactive behavior happiness.', 'As far as I can tell, theres nothing overly malicious about it. I wouldnt allow the java-script to run on my PC but I saw what it was and check for known instances. It seems to be fairly benign.', 'Im very sorry that youre going through this and having to deal with those feelings.You have your appointment coming up. If that goes well you should begin to feel better.Not every guy is good for every girl and the other way around. Some people, guys, actually enjoy the other side of the spectrum. I imagine that youre highly intelligent. From what I have read about that, this makes things especially difficult. But you really should feel better about it soon.I know that anything I say here will most likely not help all that much. But I would at least try to not create versions of yourself that you cant possibly emulate. Thats just a recipe for disappointment, no matter who you are.', 'May 11th, thats not too bad. I Irritable Mood, Ive seen appointments out several months.But I wanted to say that Im real sorry about how things turned out with your significant other. Like you say, youre having an especially hard time with it due to the circumstances.At this point, it seems to me youre doing great. Youre actively seeking help, youre highly functional and here you are.Im not sure what advice I could give, but others may. Besides positive thinking .. It actually can help quite a bit.But just talking with someone about it Hyperactive behavior now could help a great deal. I hope so.', 'I understand, but please know that things feel wrong and you feel Hyperactive behavior you dont deserve happiness, at least in part because you are surrounded by people that dont understand what youre going through.You do deserve happiness, and yes something is wrong. You are in Ache, you are dealing with this, and you have no support at home.Try to keep that in mind, okay?As to the penis-analyzer I really have no idea. Im probably one of the last to have no idea. But I can certainly look into it if that would help?', 'You too man!', 'Im always willing to fill those out, but I removed all traces of myself from Facebook and other places a good while ago. I do wish you the best of luck.And while I am sure you only have good intentions, and this isnt an accusation, I find it a bit dubious to require an entity Hyperactive behavior Facebook for your questionnaire when they have admittedly performed unauthorized psychology experiments on their users. (=', 'Yeah, he doesnt sound very nice at all..I hope you feel at least a little better. And looking forward to your appointment doesnt prove you have no life. (=', 'Okay, cool. Have you ever talked to a doctor about these feelings? I ask because if you havent, it may surprise you in how much it helps. Of course it depends on what you would respond to because everyone is different. It may be a process.', 'Im in-between going Anger and allowing myself to despair. Im not close to either right now. Those are just to two areas that seem to be waiting for whats next.How are you doing? I care about you too.', 'Yep, thats something. (=Well Im sure around all the time and always ready to talk. Is there anything specific youd Hyperactive behavior to talk about? Or just whatever?', 'Will you call me please.', '> I just cant talk about this shit with anyone in real lifeI understand that. I really do.If you dont feel that you can reconcile these feelings in order to continue with your day to day life, that may be necessary. I have personally never been in any in-patient care. I do know that I should have been at various times, but Im still here. Assuming this is all real.I guess the biggest question is, will you next appointment come up before anything in your life is neglected?Also, do you feel you could possibly be a danger to yourself before your appointment?', 'Believe me, if I had been able to find support Hyperactive behavior this when I was younger, that would have been amazing. And honestly, with any other problem at all I would be more than happy to take you up on the very kind offer. This is one of those things. Probably the only thing that I need to carry alone. And with just having written those out - in addition to you reaching out Hyperactive behavior this, I do feel better than i did. And Ive been here many times (emotionally / mentally). I know its very easy to despair, and I do at times, but I have no doubt that things will be much better soon.', 'Oh I know where you are and its a messed up place, Im sorry. Over the years I was blindsided a few times, losing insurance, getting it again and other crap.We call the brain zaps here the pines. Its just about enough to drive someone Anger. My current cocktail isnt so much Hyperactive behavior that. I forget sometimes now and I notice it, but just enough to know I missed a dose and I take them.Im sorry youre going through that.', 'Wow. How incredibly irresponsible of your doctor. I wish you would try a different one. They are supposed to know that people suffering from these problems are very good at "faking" it (I call it wearing a mask).Thats completely normal with Anxiety Mental Depression. I just let the phone ring or turn it off some days. Unfortunately, the people around you dont understand, so they have expectations of you that arent realistic.Would you be willing to try another doctor?', 'Okay, then youre familiar with it already. Thats great. That just means you havent had the terminology for what you knew.After discovering it wasnt going to be easy for me to define for you, since every step of the way it introduced more terms that needed to be defined as well, I decided that good ol wikipedia would do for now. (=*****Logic is the use and study of valid reasoning. The study of logic features most prominently in the subjects of philosophy, mathematics, and **computer science**.Consistency, validity, soundness, and completenessAmong the important properties that logical systems can have:> Consistency, which means that no theorem of the system contradicts another.> Validity, which means that the systems rules of proof never allow a false inference from true premises. A logical system has the property of soundness when the logical system has the property of validity and uses only premises that prove true (or, in the case of axioms, are true by definition).> Completeness, of a logical system, which means that if a formula is true, it can be proven (if it is true, it is a theorem of the system).> Soundness, the term soundness has multiple separate meanings, which creates a bit of Confusion throughout the literature. Most commonly, soundness refers to logical systems, which means that if some formula can be proven in a system, then it is true in the relevant model/structure (if A is a theorem, it is true). This is the converse of completeness. A distinct, peripheral use of soundness refers to arguments, which means that the premises of a valid argument are true in the actual world.', 'I agree with this completely. The happy times you will completely miss out on *are* actually worth the horrible times in my opinion. And I have had many more bad times compared to happy. Even having said that, I still say its worth it.', 'Is there anything at all youd Hyperactive behavior to talk about? Last chance and all', 'Thats what I find so odd about being afflicted with these things. It seems Hyperactive behavior a constant, heavy weight that is unrelenting and perpetual.I eventually came to realize that it was actually ever-changing. Very small things can make the largest difference.I know you want to disappear and I know what you Irritable Mood when you say you would Hyperactive behavior to redo years of your life. I would love that, too.I was lucky to have survived my time feeling very much Hyperactive behavior you do now. Im not sure how I did. But I am so thankful that I did.There are so many things I would have missed, just in the past year alone. Just in the past 2 months alone. Things have happened that I knew couldnt happen. But they did.', 'Hey man. Just Hyperactive behavior others have said, that happened to me at that age. Its a terrible thing, because while were never really ready to experience that, having it happen at a younger age can make it seem all-consuming.All of those words having been written now..I wish I had the ability to properly express just how many *really freaking cool* things you have ahead of you. And soon.Believe me. You want to at least try to do this: Put it off for 1 day. Get through tomorrow. You will inevitably get through it, as I learned, because time passes. I know how simplistic that sounds, but it can give you perspective. You can get through tomorrow.Once you have, I would set another realistic goal (even though you may not want to. at all, I believe you will be happy you tried this). Set your goal at 2 days. Keep that goal at two days as long as you need.What should happen is things will become more routine. Yes, school will most likely continue to suck. However, youre obviously a very smart guy. I bet you can think of entertaining ideas to pass the time. Probably more entertaining than mine were.Thats my advice. I wish I could put it to words in a more enlightening way. Thinks should get much better, quite quickly. Regardless of the crap you really dislike. Because the fun things are still ahead, and they will eclipse the unpleasant routine.So, please consider that. You got this.', 'Thats right. (=No sense stressing, man. Whats gonna happen is already gonna happen. I can guarantee that no minute of additional Stress will change a thing.I wish you luck though. Whatever youre looking for, I hope you find it.', 'You arent alone in feeling that way. The important thing here is that distinction, that your friends say that you are smart and funny. So whatever failings you feel that you have, they are all inside of your head, the rest of the world cant see that. Thats something that would comfort me. I could essentially put on a mask for the rest of the world and keep those feelings in side, which I did for a long time. Once you see someone about this, they will be able to help you feel closer on the inside what you display on the outside.Then life gets much better.', 'Well Im certainly very sorry about your situation. Thats is messed up. Do you know how much longer your father will be in rehab?I think its great that youre looking after you little sister though. Who would if you werent?Have you had a talk with your SO? Like a serious sit down conversation about that?', 'I hope this isnt inappropriate, but that was absolutely beautiful.May I keep that? Ill attribute your name or any other name if so.And, for the record, I agree with the sentiment. Thanks for posting that.', 'I certainly wish that you could talk to that person, too. Im truly sorry that they cut you off. What I do is probably pretty corny. But Ill share it just in case you would be willing to try it.When I am feeling that way and I know there is no way in hell that I could talk directly to them, I will actually write them letters. I will pour out my thoughts. Sign it. Put it in an envelope. And put it in the drawer with all of the others. And seriously, I feel better each time.As far as music?Almost anything you can think of. During my darkest time I went searching for anything and everything. And I enjoyed almost every bit.In general, most of my life, Ive enjoyed hard rock and metal. And there was always a hip-hop influence in my circle. I had diverse tastes to begin with, and I truly had no idea there were so many types of music now. I went through 3 pairs of headphones during that time. These I have now have lasted longer than any.', 'I wanted to follow up on my response because I regret adding my opinion to it. Thats a bad habit of mine due to my feelings on such things and I really didnt need to muddle that with your efforts. So I do apologize.That said, Im very happy to hear that youre getting a great response! Best of luck you. (=', 'One scars the exterior, the other scars the interior. I believe either one is self harm.', 'Hey, no. I dont think youre done. I was on effexor for years, fml, in my opinion its bad no matter how you look at it. Its a horrible medication (all my *opinion*) .. Youll have to slowly ween off (directed by your doctor) or else youll get the weird brain pines. But slow enough you can get that poison out of your system and take a more proper medication.You arent receiving any type of benzo for the Anxiety Mental Depression? Do you mind if i Iask how old you are?', 'What do you think about forcing yourself to be sick, get that out and stop the nausea, and then talking about it first?', 'Ah, so you have a constant reminder in your life. Well Im sorry about that. That cant be easy. Not at all.Since whats done is done, it will certainly be interesting to see what she thinks. Like you say, you cant take it back now. Probably the best idea of course, work on distracting yourself for the weekend. Try to have a decent weekend in whatever manner works for you. And hey, just see what happens after that. I can understand that feeling. Of being a bit Social fear of the outcome. I hope that works out in a positive way. But anyway, yeah. Total distraction weekend. ', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior youre in the roughest spot possible in your family. =/Im sorry that youre having to deal with the darkness at the same time. I hope that venting the frustration helped a little anyway. If you ever need to talk, Im usually here. Bouncing around. As well as many others.****I have to say - I Anxiety about you putting your Kik on here Hyperactive behavior that. I know how that must sound. And maybe you do that and dont have a problem, I dunno. I just had to say it. I Anxiety Hyperactive behavior that.', 'You are absolutely right of course. Knowing these things cant change what you are personally going through. And you have a right to feel Anger and I hope you feel just a little better after getting that out.The unfortunate truth is that going through this surrounded by people who dont understand requires compromise. And its possible that you will be the one making all of the effort for a while. Im only speaking from my personal experience of course. I think its tragic that so many people dismiss this as though you are just sad. That you are just feeling low. I agree with everyone else who commented as well.Your family needs to inform themselves, but you may have to be the one to do it by printing out some literature on it and give it to them. And keep doing that.. I dont know if that will work for you, I have no idea what your family life is Hyperactive behavior. Im only trying to help. Im not trying to make you feel worse at all. I truly hope that you feel a bit better after opening up about it.', 'To answer your base question though, yes people come back from that. Everyone is different and response to different methods differently, but eventually its possible to help you quite a bit.', 'Well, realize this wont be worth much and quite possibly wont be worth anything. But, you have us.I can say that I have personally been in.. A lot of real bad spots. So, if you want to talk about anything, I know that I would be happy to be there, as possibly others as well.I think its tragic and many other words that I dont know if you want to hear, when guys do that. Absolutely selfish. So I want to say that I am real sorry about that, your apartment, and the struggle youre in right now with Mental Depression as a single mother.Im no expert on any one thing. But I know about hard times, being a single parent and most certainly Mental Depression. So, Im here. Im listening.', 'I dont feel you are fucked up in the head. That would make me fucked up in the head. Well, that could very well be true. But not for that reason.To answer your question, Yes I was absolutely shocked. Having been given the wonderful gift of suicidal thoughts and hopelessness at the age of 12, I grew up understanding the world in that perspective.And honestly, Hyperactive behavior so many others Im sure, the simple knowledge that at any time I could choose to do it is the only thing that got me through some parts of my life.Eventually, and much later in life that I would have hoped, that sort of went away. For the past 4 or 5 years I have only considered it a handful of times. Oddly enough, one of those times was during my very long night last night. (=What I am trying to say, in far too many words because thats one of my flaws, You are certainly not alone, as I am just the same. Im sure were among many others here as well.', 'I absolutely agree. Its a calming place. Like the eye of the storm. So no complaints from me.Im happy to hear youre okay. The fluctuations can really get to you. I think its really cool that you made this thread. Was a very kind gesture.', 'Everyone is different in that its always something different that takes some of the Ache and difficulty away.For me, I learned it was loud music. Very loud. So loud I couldnt possibly think of other things, and I would let that take me away. That was my thing. Music. Loud music.', 'And, really, they make it sound much more complex than it really is. At the core it is for the most part, valid reasoning, as it says. those words separately, and together. But that list does very well to define the characteristics.', 'You are most certainly not alone. Everyone is different, and their experiences are unique in many ways, but this is something I think most of us are very familiar with. I know that I am personally intimately acquainted with that place.I cant tell you that I am in that place right now. But I could tell you about times I remember out of more times than I can actually recall.I also have no doubt that at all that there are people on here right that are in that place with you now. I hope that one or more find this thread.So, while I cant say that I am in the same place at this moment, I wanted to let you know that Ive been right there many times.I dont know if this will help or not. I just wanted to give it shot.', 'Well good luck. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you need to do it, so do it and take care of yourself. (=', 'Good people know that no one is ugly.I know that there are many people that see the inside shine through at the same time anyway.Plus there are so many people out there that are so insecure, for one of a thousand reasons, the problem is, thats combined with an unnatural cruelty. So they make fun of anyone within reach, and for a reason I dont understand, that makes them feel better about their wretched self. They may even have good physical looks, but when i see them I just see the ugliness inside them. My dislike for people Hyperactive behavior that is only matched by my pity for them.I am not trying to argue with you. I dont dont know you of course. There are just some wonderful people out there that dont see what others see when they look at themselves. Ive met so many people Hyperactive behavior that. They think they are ugly but just dont see that. Unfortunately I have found its *almost* impossible for them to believe that.I guess Im just asking you to consider some of that. And maybe some of it will help a little. ', 'About how old is she. Is she seeing a doctor about it? If so, do you know if she is on medication? Is there a specific thing shes Depressed mood about or is it Mental Depression in general?', 'Hey, as for working out that was mentioned. When I was in Drug abuse school I decided one day I was going to work out. Bought a free-weight set and worked out every morning before school. Im only describing this because that alone made me feel a lot better about pretty much everything.That said, I Hyperactive behavior to go for walks in the dead of night and collect my thoughts.I am a software dev by trade and a website dev in my own time.I have always been a gamer, usually hard-core. Past year or so I completely lost the interest. Which was a very new experience. So I wouldnt end up just relying one thing. (=', 'Yes, what youre going through is terrible, but its not abnormal.There are ways to create a balance without such highs and lows so that you can emotionally lead a more normal life.EDIT: i guess a better question is, do you mind listing what meds you tried?(You dont have to - thats a curious question. Ive been on many) And they didnt help at all?', 'Screw them. There are a lot of insecure assholes in this world.Ill be a friend if you Hyperactive behavior. Though Im not sure being my friend is a good thing or bad thing.. But the offer stands.', 'That was great. Im new here, but I can imagine that you positively effected others by posting that.', 'Theres nothing wrong with coming here and letting things Hyperactive behavior that out. Im glad you did.', 'Im so sorry.. I really am. At that point, and I dont know where you are and dont need to, but I would look into state insurance if possible to see if you could financially qualify. If you havent already of course.', 'I would Hyperactive behavior to subscribe to your newsletter as well.', 'I make myself eat a sandwich every day. and I keep hydrated. Thats good enough for me.', 'I absolutely agree. I support freedom of choice. I cant ever encourage someone to do that. Its just not in me. But I believe if someone wants to choose their own time, place and method that they should be able to.', 'Oh, great thinking. Perfect.', 'Yeah no problem. I just hope things start to get better for you soon.Best of luck man', 'Okay, so im assuming youve been diagnosed with ADHD, or similar, hence the Vyvanse. That can be a problem. That stimulates you. Like speed. I can make Anxiety Mental Depression worse. I say *can*. It doesnt for everyone.Unfortunately its almost impossible to get a benzo Hyperactive behavior Valium, Xanax, Ativan when youre getting a stim Hyperactive behavior that. I finally did, but it took many appeals.', 'I dont very often. And honestly I only do when the Ache from old accident injuries gets too bad.But, I wanted to comment, because someone I care about a great deal just told me today that they are going to quit smoking because they do feel it could be a big reason for her mood change recently.So I have no idea, yet, but Im hoping thats what it is. At least for her. Thats all I got. (=', 'Thats very kind of you and I appreciate it. For me, it was more about putting that out in cyberspace than anything. I need to get beyond this.I think its great youre willing to listen. Unfortunately, this is one time I need to make the ride alone. But I dont plan on being down for long. And yes I want to help others. Ive been doing my best to do so. When Im not doing bad, it makes me feel good if I can do that.Im not trying to brush you off or simply dismiss your help. Its very much appreciated. I feel much better having put that out there and I can build back up as soon as possible. Just took a good blow this morning / last night and I need to come to terms.Again, thank you.', 'I understand how you feel. I think there are various ways, or even stages that we treat this overbearing suicidal tendency. It can take several different shapes. Right now you seem to be afraid that you could actually do it.Thats good, as odd as it may seem. This means that youre aware that you dont want that to happen.Given that people inevitably succeed, and often, I do believe its a possibility. I also believe that you dont really want to find out whether or not youre capable.Ive been on that brink so many times. Ive raged at the failed attempts. Ive Social fear myself so bad at just how close I came to succeeding one time that I couldnt stop shaking.Its a terrible path to be traveling. Do you currently see a doctor about this? I honestly feel that you should. Thats what got me back on track. Primarily a cocktail of medication (which I am no longer taking, successfully).So if you havent done that yet, please consider it.', 'Yes.Just saying, I had pretty much given up. In the end it was just too much BS and too much to feel. So I Wasnt looking. Didnt even go out anymore. No desire to. I thought I was content enough just Hyperactive behavior that.Then, seriously, Hyperactive behavior magic, she was right there in my, then, secluded life.So my advice, dont totally give up on it.', 'I see its been an hour since you posted, but do you still need to talk? I have some personal experience with Suicide as well as a nervous breakdown.', 'I dont believe thats the truth. Thats only your current reality. That change change very quickly.', '> Anybody out there have anything to say?Yup.There are many forms it takes, and I have experienced more than I can count. So yes, I do think that way.Are you being treated for this? If not I highly recommend it. It got me through, somehow, and now Im relatively fine. And Im even off my medications.', 'Out of curiosity, how old are you?', 'Aw cmon. We get to experience the entire spectrum of the emotional color field.normal is boring. ...I do actually believe that. That includes the women Im into. They have to have a little of that Abnormal behavior going on.', 'If you have no one to talk to Im here. Almost always. As are many others. Always willing to listen and talk.', 'Hey, just chiming in to let you know that first of all, they are not necessarily permanent.Sometimes that can really help you make it through a rough period of time much easier. You can be much more able to cope with this, your low points will most likely not be near as low. I understand not wanting to resign yourself to having to take something Hyperactive behavior that for the rest of your life. After figuring out what would work for me, which took a while, I took mine for a good 3 years. Things improved dramatically, so I decided I wanted to see how well I would handle the same situation in life without them. So I tapered off of them, slowly, and gave my brain time to get used to functioning as it is. That can take a while after taking medication, especially if youre taking multiple and have been for a good while.But, after that was all done, I realized that - wow - this is going to work. I can absolutely function this way with my life as it is now. So, Im very happy. And I honestly dont know how I would have made it through that period without the medication.So, just offering my thoughts.', 'Heres one thing to keep in mind, that I had a difficult time believing. Some of us are able to involuntarily mask our inner turmoil. While I dont know what all youve said, no one can see what youre going through when you look at you. They have no idea.And trying to explain something Hyperactive behavior this to someone that hasnt been through it is an exercise in futility. Unfortunately.But thats what this place is for. Do you mind saying what medication(s) youre on?', 'Well for me it was a great fit.In order to actually enjoy developing software you will need to enjoy logic in its purest form. I always did, and I taught myself a bit of programming when I was young and I had fun. So based on that I turned it into my day job eventually and I have no regrets.If youre interested, do a little research on the core principles of logic (which are fairly basic) and see if that interests you at all. I only Stress this, because if youre developing software, you will be thinking as a machine, in logic, and eventually youll be planning steps ahead as you go. Many people believe its boring, and I respect that. I absolutely love it.', 'Okay, you do have people here you can talk to, so we can get you at least to your appointment.Its not good to cut, but I can assure you that normal people do. You are not a freak in any way. You are not evil. Youre in Ache and I understand. What would you Hyperactive behavior to talk about?', 'Yes, I have a little 2 year degree (associates). It wasnt ever the end-game plan.I started out at a community college to build my first 2 years of credits before I went on to a university. When I realized that this wouldnt be happening I changed my focus so that I actually received some sort of degree for the two years, so its quite simply an Associates degree in the generic Computer Science. (=Not all that special. But I think I ended up lucky in that I never actually needed anything more

Ideation

user-413

['Dont Anxiety about the selfish part. Ive felt the same often. But it isnt selfish and you can do this. We can do this. I know that deep paralysing sadness that holds you down and today its going to fuck off. I cant be there right now physically, so I am going to send you my metaphorical shoulder of bad assossity and we are going to kick depressing feelings in the face because just Hyperactive behavior those damn loreal shampoo commercials you are worth it! Depression is a burden that wants to pull you down, but fuck that guy! Depression is an Irritable Mood. And it is completely acceptable to tell an Irritable Mood to fuck off. You can do this. And maybe it isnt permanent. Youll probably have to suit up and go to war with these feelings again at some point, but you can break this motherfucker. and if you do it once, the second time will be easier. Youve got my support, because I know youd rather feel good again, than feel nothing at all.', 'Keep fighting, my friend. The best stories are those of overcoming adversity. All those people who bring you down arent worth their weight in shit, because as long as you believe in yourself, you dont need them. Youve the heart of a hero, and I know that with just a little self love, you can make it to better days.', 'Im reading this wondering what your ideal day is. What is Sonaar54s perfect day?(Not suicide) You know what the bad days are Hyperactive behavior, or else you wouldnt be here and it stands to reason that if you are having bad days, you can have good days. So what would that be Hyperactive behavior? And if you can think up a good day, then what is stopping you from having that good day for yourself. If the alternative is suicide, its pretty much risk free to go get that day. What is there to lose? If you achieve a good day, and decide to live, you go on living with the knowledge that you can achieve good days. If you have a good day, and you still dont want to live, then at least you had a good day first. If you dont manage to achieve a good day, then you are back at the beginning, no worse off. ', 'I am here.']

Supportive

user-343

['I work at a Suicide hotline and have had to call rescue many times for people and advised even more Hyperactive behavior yourself to contact the authorities in very similar situations.Depending on your location the responders and procedures may vary a little but in Texas when we contact the police for a welfare check they will respond within 10-20 minutes, what they walk in on greatly depends on the reactions. Also, sometimes it isnt just the police, sometimes mental health professionals and the ambulance come along as well. They will assess the situation and talk to her to evaluate how she is doing. If they feel she needs help they will transport her to the hospital. If not they will do their best to alert a family member/roommate of the situation and advise her to seek out help if she feels she needs it. It should be 100% anonymous. If they ask for your name give it but just ask that you dont tell her. They are not there to bust someone for anything, that is not to say they wont. That varies from cop to cop and also if the gun is being handled or possibly seen.But the thing is, death is a much longer sentence than any unregistered gun charge. You could also call some local psychiatric hospitals to see if they have any welfare check programs (some do but its rare)And alert someone else of your concerns. Does she live with her parents, boyfriend, roommate? Try to talk to someone else so they are aware of what is going on as well. If you decide you dont want to call for a welfare check yet. Id see if you could get her to at least talk to someone. A trick I use a lot is to break it down for them. Do not say they need help to get *better* because they do understand that that takes months-years. Just ask them to meet with someone once, make one phone call. Baby steps. Give her the numbers to your local hotlines, you dont have to pressure her to call but just so she has them. She may reach out for help on her own. And most importantly, make sure YOU are ok. If you need help or support of any kind find someone to lean on.', 'You have so many possibilities ahead of you. You got into med school, thats a whole lot more than most people can accomplish. Its going to be hard to finish school; I did not go to med school so I am not sure what the options are but you can do it. you may have to get creative or re-structure your life, and you may have to sacrifice sleep/social life etc to finish. but that is the life of a grad student.If medicine is something you are passionate about you just need to find a way to rekindle that passion and youll get a second wind.As for the girl situation; if she broke up with you over your penis size then good riddance; you dont want her. You have a lot to offer the right girl. Even if you are not well endowed there are plenty of other ways to sexually satisfy someone and plenty of men who are unlucky in that department who are happily in a relationship. Take it from a girl, if you hone your other talents you can make her forget about your size. Youre in med school, you sound very intelligent, honest, and self-aware. Grad/Med school school and your early twenties is a transitional period for everyone in one way or another. But you are 21! I promise you, that is so young. In the next year even so much will change. You will look back on this in July of 2013 and hardly recognize yourself, and you will do that again and again. Some years you may miss the previous you and others you may be elated you made it through that year. As for your looks/social skills, non of that is permanent that can all be fixed if it is really as bad as you say, but often times we are our own worst critics. ', 'If he called and mentioned the firearm. I was under the impression that it was more something he didnt want to alert the police of but that may be discovered in the process. Nonetheless if someone is threatening Suicide and youve Exhaustion all other options, I would still alert the authorities. ', 'Heh, therapists deal with a lot of patients Hyperactive behavior that and are probably very used to it.My advice would be to schedule one and tell them just that, see what they say they can offer you.What is it you are hoping to gain from a psychologist?', 'I know at my center we all answer the calls a bit differently; you can always try back until you get a greeting you feel gives you a comfortable opening. Me personally, I do what you want and usually say "How are you". or something along those lines. My suggestion though is no matter what they say, just say "Hi". We get every single kind of greeting you can imagine, Hyperactive behavior crying, Sedated state and cheery, Violent cussing, drunk slurring etc. Saying "Hi" is all you need to make that first connection, from there they should most definitely ask how you are or why you are calling. Dont feel bad if you feel Hyperactive behavior you have to try multiple times. Depending on the hotline, odds are the counselor wont even know it. I have some callers that love to talk to me and hate to talk to some of my co-workers and will keep calling until they get someone they Hyperactive behavior. Just different styles and comfort levels. I do the same thing with phone calls, I almost always write a script of at least the bullet points I want to hit. Maybe try that; if you can think of things bothering you and list them, even if its something silly that is just bothering you today that will at least give you something to go off of. Or be honest, say youve never called before and you dont know how it works. That happens a lot more than you think. Its scary reaching out for help, and I completely feel for you, just be patient, keep the #s handy and when you need to, call, then if you dont feel comfortable, hang up. No big deal, you can always try again later. We get some frustrating calls some days (prank calls, sex fetish calls etc) I know I would love to be able to talk to someone Hyperactive behavior you and help you however I could, even if its just listening for a few minutes. My most common starts to the call are:"Hi""I just need someone to talk to""Ive never done this before, can you tell me what Im supposed to do?"or they just jump right into why they called barely giving me a chance to say my name. haha :) There is no right or wrong way. ', 'You could suggest they try to find a local Survivors of Suicide support group if they want something more personal and on going. ', 'Im a crisis counselor and this is, in my opinion, bad advice. If a person needs psychological help, often times there is no other way to get them the help they need then by forcing them into a 72 hours psych hold, and the only way to do that if they are an Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult and have not committed any crimes is to involve the police. The first thing we tell someone who is calling about a suicidal friend is to take care of themselves first. You dont want to put yourself in harms way, or in a situation where you arent comfortable, could potentially witness something traumatic or harm a friendship.No one likes the police, but most cities are pretty good about understanding suicidal threats (sincere and otherwise) They are trained in crisis management, something OP, to the best of my knowledge, is not trained in. It is unfair to ask a friend and even a relative to intervene in some situations and in MOST of those situations they could be the worst person in terms of what her friend needs.The police absolutely are there for that, thats exactly why they are trained and have specific programs for these situations. ', 'Right, but they cannot commit someone for that, and OP (or someone) would need to have reported her for possessing one. I meant more along the lines of drug use, violence, drunk driving, and so on. ', 'Nothing that grieves us can be called little. A childs loss of a doll & a kings loss of a crown are events of the same size. ~ Mark TwainThis is one of my favorite quotes. Dont ever feel Hyperactive behavior you shouldnt feel one way because someone else has it "worse" than you. There is not a universal rubric on which to measure suffering. ', 'There doesnt have to be, if nothing can be pinpointed then they can still help. I spent most of my therapy just going over my weeks, good and bad and discussing relationships. Sometimes they can help you figure out a "cause" if there is one. Or just help you with the ambiguity. ', 'Ive had a therapist most of my life and I just completed my BS in Psych pursuing grad school next.For me and my depression, my psychologist literally saved my life more times than I can count. Each experience is a bit different and it depends on the type of psychology they practice but I have only had one bad experience with a psychologist in 25 years and they were court appointed. (haha) I would call them and ask about your insurance, they can tell you how much is covered and so on. As far as what to expect; In my experience the first meeting will be just a general get to know you sort of session. They will ask about your life as well as any specific reasons you came to see them. This is to see if you BOTH think this is something that will work. Its hard to say how a specific therapy session would go without knowing what type of psychologist they are but my best guess would be that you would meet weekly/biweekly/monthly (depending) where they would ask you various questions or you could just openly talk. They would give you tools and advice to try and apply in your life. And what was always most important to me, offer someone who is in no way involved in your life, they dont have a stake either way and they are there is validate and support you. It cannot hurt. ', 'Id bet something went wrong with the *67, If a # is blocked there is no way for us to unblock it. Believe me, there are times we definitely wish we could to save someones life.Again, its my opinion the counselor shouldnt have called back, it is not 1-800 suicides policy by any means to do that. But, sometimes a counselor might feel its needed. I would disagree with them wholeheartedly. As I said, the job requires that we understand what is and is not within our control and sometimes people have a lot of trouble with that. Some people are upset when we ask if we can call the police, or actually do it. but you need to understand what our services are for; we are there to talk and help you through things but we are not going to sit on the phone and listen to you kill/Chest Pain yourself. We are legally required to call the police if the situation merits it, and at my center its our policy that if a call is terminated and we believe the person is in real danger that we call the authorities immediately, we never call back the caller unless they contracted with us to do so. Im sorry that your friend doesnt trust them anymore, hotlines can be a great resource for some people, but it sounds Hyperactive behavior he doesnt want the help we can offer. We have very limited resources, we cannot spend an hour with each caller and we cannot be a voice to listen to while you harm yourself, nor can we contact a friend or family member about the situation. The only avenue we have to physically intervene is the police. Its good that he sought out a professional counselor as they have many more resources and availability to work with him and I hope he is doing better. ', 'I am a call counselor for NSPL as well as various local hotlines. I understand its really hard to make that call, but we really are there to listen, and we allow you to guide the conversation. We arent going to dig into anything you dont want to discuss, if you just want to call for referrals thats what well give you. If you are lonely and just need someone to talk to well give you 15 minutes to just shoot the shit. What is it that makes you nervous? I assure you its 100% anonymous and we honestly wont judge you. If you have any specific questions about protocol, what info we ask for etc. feel free to ask me.Im also here to talk if you need to. ', 'This greatly depends on many many factors. I work for a hotline and 1-800-Suicide is one of the lines we answer. Yes, we have caller ID, but there are easy ways to block it that actually do work. It shows up as "0" on our computer. As far as getting called back, the protocol for that varies greatly from counselor to counselor. If we believe the person is actually in the process of harming themselves, we are required by law to report it. Normally we will just call the authorities. We have no actual way of tracking a person, beyond the white pages. We call the authorities and give them all the information we know. Now, for an unsettling call, its hard to say. The training at my center as well as my personal beliefs are that they need to agree to a follow up call (which is pretty common) these are set up in advance and we will call back 1 hour, 2 hour, 24 hours etc etc. To check in and see how the caller is doing. Usually after giving them some piece of advice to go try to do in the interim. Its my personal opinion that if you just werent getting what you needed, were still upset, didnt promise to not Chest Pain yourself and the counselor called you back because they just wanted a "happy resolution" then they were overstepping their role, big time. There needs to be a trust and confidentiality maintained. I have gotten those calls where the person either hung up or was still distraught when we terminated the call, and they suck. You end up thinking about that person for a few days hoping they are ok, but thats one of the downsides of the job. I dont call them back if they terminated the call, obviously what I was offering wasnt working for them, Im not going to force it down their throats.Especially since all us counselors have different counseling styles. We have a lot of callers call numerous times trying to find a counselor that can offer what they need/want. (They can usually figure out who is working pretty quickly) We arent going off a script, please if you ever feel Hyperactive behavior you need someone to talk to dont let one stupid, counselor on a power trip trying to assuage their own Guilt stop you from reaching out. I promise you there are those of us who can be helpful and respectful. Im sorry if that counselor made you uncomfortable. Just know that that sounds Hyperactive behavior an edge case to me, and Im tempted to tell you to report them, if you got their name we can track it to whomever was working the shift, no matter where their center is located. Im here to talk if you need it. And I wont track your ISP, :o)', 'For the line(s) I work at which includes NSPL. It depends on your carrier, just call them and ask how 1-800 #s show up on their bills. For us, the # appears but it doesnt say "Crisis Intervention of City". and there is never a charge.As everyone else said, there are numerous online services as well, and most crisis lines also have chat services now. ', 'Im a crisis counselor and a lot of people wonder the same thing, will it ever end? I, too, battled major Mental Depression disorder and suicidal thoughts throughout my adolescence and then again in my early twenties. The biggest difference I noticed the second time around, once I acknowledged my Mental Depression was back and started taking steps to get better was that I had history that said I could do it. I had pulled myself out of it when I was 18 and I found happiness; yes, my Mental Depression did return but I was already ahead of the game and I had a lot of tools to help me cope better the second time around.I always tell the teenagers that I counsel that its especially hard when you are Depressed mood and a teenager because you havent yet seen how drastically life can change, how much you will change. My Drug abuse school self wouldnt even recognize my college self. You are lucky in that you are 17, if you go to university or not; your life will go through so many changes in the next few years, you wont even believe it.You just need to prepare for the changes. If you want to go to university, then do everything you can to get there. ']

Supportive

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['I know EVERYONE says this, but it truly does get better. everyone has hard times in their life and they build character. We truely wouldnt be living without hardships. I wish you the best of luck and if you want you can PM me. <3', 'Im much younger than you but please, dont kill yourself. You have so many good qualities, why let them go to waste? Sex doesnt matter, you are a beautiful person despite what others think. ', 'I know how it feels to be depressed, but avoiding the chances of things getting better isnt the way to go. Are you in some kind of therapy/counseling? I think you would benefit from it, but i wouldnt recommend doing it if you wont take it seriously. At first I didnt want help, either, but 2 years later and I feel so much better. Feel free to vent more in my inbox or just use to comment. ', 'Im proud of you for getting through college on your own. Youve been through a lot, and I know everyone as their limits (I am most certainly not an exception), but I know you can get through more. If you need a friend, Im here along with other people. Reddit is a large community, and Im sure you could find a friend or partner that lives near you through it. ', 'I know how you feel about being big, im stubby and not the most attractive but I still find myself a little pretty I suppose. I have attempted Suicide and I used to cut. Now that I look back on it I regret every second, because Ill never get that time back. If you want to you can PM me. <3']

Ideation

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['You say that people may be Chest Pain for a bit but they will be on soon there life will return to normal but that isnt true. It sticks with people. They blame themselves & become tormented with the fact that you are gone. Have you talked with anyone? Possibly seen a counselor? You have this one life do your best with it. I know life is Depressed mood & some days are darker than others but theres beauty all around you. Dont give in. Fight it. Dont let Mental Depression take you away from those who love you. ', 'She would still feel guilty even with a note. I was 7 when my mom tried to commit suicide. She didnt go through with it but I still feel guilty that she even attempted it. Those who I knew that were only distant friends that killed themselves haunt me. I blame myself for not being able to have made a change in their lives.Life gets better but it will also get worse & then better again. You have to learn to roll with the thunder of tearful sorrow & bask in the sunlight of happy thoughts. Nothing is black & white. What works for some is disastrous to others. If something helped one person but doesnt work well for you does not Irritable Mood your are forever doomed. You just have to find what helps you.I avoid music, look at cute pictures on [imgur] (http://imgur.com/r/aww), watch funny videos on YouTube, put together puzzles to busy my mind, or play video games. I try to think of all of the good things that have happened in my life. It doesnt always work but I remind myself how much it would destroy others who care about me if I gave in. I am seeing a counselor & have recently been told that I may need to start taking Anxiety Mental Depression medication. Another thing that I do is write. I keep a journal, write poetry, make up songs, etc.I may not know you but I have hope for you. I want your life to be full of happiness. Dont give into the darkness. Keep fighting & live. ']

Indicator

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['This is the worst kind of Pressure anyone can deal with. Straight up, your mother was wrong and extraordinarily selfish in telling you that the only reason the marriage was holding up was because of you. Coming from a divorced family though, I will say I can understand why she did that; she was feeling hopeless and alone and needed some kind of rock in a storm. Unfortunately, you ended up being the rock. A Fear of failure is totally justified, but failure is the *best* way to learn in life, because youre able to process what happened and how youre able to fix it much faster than if you read about it in a book or from another third party. People do say that college/uni can be life changing, but some of us, myself included, are just late bloomers. Ive been in a community college for 4 years now and Im only JUST now finding things Im passionate about. If I were to focus only on what I assumed people expected of me, I would have been a totally different person than I am today. Your body is a complex piece of equipment and if you feel this downtrodden, have you considered seeing your schools psychologist? You can give a pseudo name if it makes you more comfortable and its usually much more affordable than someone off campus. Your parents, no matter what, want you to be happy and healthy more than anything, have you considered talking to them about this Pressure you feel? Im sure it would help you get a good stance as to where you should go from there.', 'Im so sorry youre going through so much Pain right now. For what its worth, Im 21 and have never kissed a girl or have had sex yet, so youre not alone there. Since youre definitely interested in losing weight, one of the easiest things you can do is cut out soda and other sweetened drinks. I had to stop drinking soda for a year because of my braces and I ended up losing something like 15 lbs in just a few weeks because I didnt have all of those empty calories. I stopped having Headache too (something you seem to have too). I figured out that my body had essentially become addicted to the sugar and caffeine from the soda, so whenever I didnt have it I would end up having these massive Headache and would be in an awful mood until I had one.A really good way to meet people is to start up a hobby or mild sport. I started taking karate earlier this year and the regularity of going to a place where everyone is trying to help everyone be better both physically and mentally is Tired refreshing. ', 'Everyone takes a while to warm up to people :3 Youll get then hang of it!']

Indicator

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['Thank you for your words its really heartwarming. I usually care about others more than about myself. Ita a part of why I find it so hard to continue for myself. I hope Ill find someone who care about me for myself.', 'I am starting to consider my therapist as a friend. I know she isnt really but she seem to genuinely care about me. I know when the appointments are over I will be loosing her but for now it feel kinda good to have a "friend". I am afraid of loosing her but I know its coming. I might try to hit the park a few times this Asthenia take in some suns and try to meet others. I know the parc isnalways full and only a few blocks from my house. I hope it help.', 'Money at least made me feel like I had friends. Now I feel alone. I cant volunteer. I used to but my health wont let me. I cry to often to realy be able to go outside or to make a lot of contacts with others. I tend to hyperventilate when I am too Stress or sad. Thats why I tried to make internet friends. It worked as long as I had money.', 'I guess because I can be discarded by others when I have nothing to offer. I realised that most people use me, so if I have nothing to offer I am suddenly alone and it Pain. Its so Pain to realised that when you have served your use, you no longer have anyone near you. Even with that I know that the next time they ask I will still be there because I want to help.My real life friend only answer when he need a place to stay, a ride or something lile that. I am renowned for not saying no because even if it Pain me to know they are using me, the fact that I can help is important to me.When I get left behind, like I am currently, I am alone. Its so hard realising it and knowing I will be atuck in the same loop over and over and that no one really care about me.']

Ideation

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['That is a Tired interesting analysis that can be confirmed in many situations.I often think of what happens to persons whom I have, say, played music with. I wonder where they are and what they are doing. Maybe one of these persons is you, but this well never know. I like to think that it adds a touch of awesomeness to the universe.', 'Scholar, eloquent, accurate, enlightening, the kind of posts I could read all day ', 'No problemo.About your mother freaking out, well... thats what mothers do, really.You sound concerned about her feelings. So, its easy to say and probably hard to hear but: better let her freak out now, than leave her helpless and devastated after finding you dead. yeah... I wish I had something more positive to say after that.keep on keeping up. And good luck on your exams', 'It is a fact that we are all going to die someday. But then, lets see it that way: you are going to die someday, so it doesnt matter if we fail at doing stuff. We are just particles among an infinite universe, so lets just try things. Maybe you will.It took me basically every year of school, and 4 years of engineering class (all of which I went through with less than average results), before I actually started doing something I like. you could pretty much be the same kind of guy.tl;dr: we are dust in the universe, it also means we can do stuff without boundaries.', 'There is a chance you are misinterpreting what the others say about your grades. And you might also be misinterpreting the impact of the efforts you are putting into your recovery.>life isnt a competition>re-read this in a couple days>I can tryThese are not words of someone who has lost hope. You obviously know that you are still young, and that no one has it all figured out so early. You can also view your parents attention as an advantage. Its less hurtful than not having attention at all.', 'I like this quote, someone wrote it in a ragecomic but it may come from somewhere else:"Be strong, not for yourself but for those who cant".', 'bipolar disorders are quite common. " 40 % of Depression persons actually suffer from a bipolar disorder which they are not aware of" (translated from here in french http://www.troubles-bipolaires.com/maladie-bipolaire/nature-troubles-bipolaires/definition-maladie-bipolaire.htm)For the suicide part, well... its [/r/suicidewatch](/r/suicidewatch)', 'Ive read somewhere that some ways to commit suicide suggest that you want violence against the ones who are close to you. The methods you describe dont fit in that. They suggest that you want to be alone. Well I think bleepitybleeps advice is good. Youre probably beyond the point where you can heal alone.What happened at the time of your two failed attempts ? ', 'think of it that way: people who think the world would be a better place without them, are the ones that count. btw, I actually landed here because of a silly need to post one of those funny comments like "I can give you eleven good reasons". Then I landed here, I feel bad about it so: no "eleven good reasons" joke. ', 'You are absolutely not a drama queen. No one should ever blame you for needing attention about your Suicidal condition. About that "not urgent" statement, keep in mind that this may mean there are other kids there that are deeper into this, and they require even more urgent care. Which doesnt mean you dont require healthcare yourselfWe can talk, about anything.Are you studying, or in high school maybe ?', 'I can understand that you are uncomfortable with your phobias, there are mechanisms in your brain that, at the same time make your body think they are normal, but can not be discussed with others. So I read that you suffer from Mysophobia. Did you receive any feedback when you created a subreddit?Appart from trying medication, did you attend any seminar or (idk what the proper word is) retreat? That particular phobia is hard to let go all by yourself, washing your Weakness of hand is something everyone actually needs to do...', 'Youd be surprised to see how many people come to think the same way as you do, at some point in their lives.Im guessing youre probably young? Its only my point of view, but you may want to put some perspective: nowadays with technology and social networks, less and less people understand the true value of friendship. Maybe you need to open to new experiences that allow you to meet new people.Another perspective: some of my best friends are people I only talk to once a month or so. But the value is much higher to the ones I see everyday. Doesnt it feel like that for you? ', 'Im trying to think of the best way for you to temporarily find enough courage to get outside your house, but I guess thats an issue you can deal with a bit later. Maybe the best thing is to try to relax, by doing simple things and trying to find the joy in it. Laying back, listening to music, drink some juice, anything really.', 'I imagine it is something hard for you to share it because of the shame you feel. Thats a Tired positive message for the ones who are desperate and I hope many will read your story.>The Depression is Player Two, and as long as I dont give him the controller we are all fineThat made me smile... sort of.', 'wow. vraiment, wow...I just got back from a benevolent project far away, where we celebrated our last day together with the other benevolents, some of us composed "goodbye" songs for each other. So from an Emotional upset point of view, my heart is still widely defenseless, it feels like your music is hitting it like an arrow of love. For that, Merci du fond du coeur.', 'Ok, I see you have already asked for help, and you are aware of the situation and of what is within the range of what you can do. You told us a lot of things about your parents, but few about your friends (or Im sorry maybe I skipped it). Are all your friends involved in psychological/Depression problems, and drugs ?', 'Thank you for sharing this. It is indeed a matter that can affect your self-confidence, and I understand now that it was hard to hear it brought back by that person.I imagine you didnt hit that guy, or reacted violently? Otherwise you would probably have stated that by now. If so, dont you think most people would have done so? At least you were not that guy and thats one more good point.', 'Ill go with the same advice as in the other posts: try to submit your case to bipolarreddit. Ok I understand that you need to keep stuff to yourself. You sound like you are having way too much weight on your shoulders and I think its actually the case. So, about the fact that theres no one around, do you have any family related to your husband (although I understand he may not be the one to help you from your point of view).At that moment, it is too easy to advise to "try to focus on yourself" because you have to take care of your kid. I hope someone comes your way to help you. Maybe, give another shot to groups of other moms ?', 'Ok buddy, Im not that good at English and your message is surprisingly creative and well written. So I think Ill just give it another shot but, got some work to do, but Ill come back', 'Happy birthday!What makes you feel like that ? Were they not with you when you started drinking ?', 'This moves as I am reading it again and again. I hate to say it but if I were in your place, my kid would probably be taken care of by my family, and I would end up lost somewhere miserably.You are strong. You are strong for those who can not be.', 'I believe you are beyond the point of healing yourself all alone. I wish there was something I could do... the more I spend time on this subreddit the less I know what to say.So I guess, really you should be the one talking. Whats your kids name? Is your husband around to help you?Dont worry too much about not having friends, chances are there are some people around you that could qualify as your friends but youve been trying to heal yourself for too long, you probably cant figure that out.', 'I check socrates17s posting activity, hoping to see something. Nothing...I dont think I can read this subreddit anymore. THis is too much to handle and I think some of the regular users have really inspiring discussions. Congratulations to you all for the award the subreddit received this year (which is, I believe, the reason some of us took interest in clicking on it)', 'I just remembered where Ive heard of that at first. The head of Networks teaching area (geez, im too Tired to look for proper terms in Google, im french hehe) in my university used to suffer a somehow-minor case of that same phobia. It was obviously making him extremely nervous, and despite he was not much older than us, it prevented him from socializing. A long time after that, he left the university, joined the family business (energy-efficient house constructing). We kept contact through LinkedIn and he explained me all that stuff. Which he was almost 100% free from.It took him years, and it went better. Now Im not saying it will happen like that. It might be harder in your case. It depends on your entourage, if people are helping you, and if you have to interact with others. But there is a chance you wont keep that forever.', 'Ill try to check your post history. Even if I guess you already tried it, take a breath, have a virtual hug. Its going to be okay.', 'No problemo! That is good news. Based on what others report here when they find help from health facilities, it might be the first in a series of appointments. Dont worry though, and try not to put too much expectations in the process, it just takes time to identify the best way to deal with your troubles. I wish you the best for tomorrow !', 'Cool reference. Wasnt sure so I googled it, but the song came instantly in my mind.', 'Hi, same opinion here.The last advice of Frenchlitgeek is interesting. Try something new, take care of yourself without thinking of the impact on the others, you need to do something for the joy of it. The little things. Put a nice ringtone on your phone, go to the arcade and put some coins into a Metal Slug cabinet, wear a hat, chase a cat in the street etc...', 'I get it, GCSE is the equivalent of what we call the "brevet" in France.I feel truly sad that you are experiencing Depression at such a young age. Id like to tell you that a lot of good things await you in life, but that would be too general and youre probably not in the good set of mind to comprehend that.Is there no other medical facility that you can reach for help in your area? Or maybe non-medical places?Anyway, since you have already made attempts, I think we can both agree that your case is quite serious. But I dont mean desperate, not at all.How are you keeping up at school ?', 'Hi, I sent you a PM but maybe we can talk here if you want to share stuff with others. How old are you ? the ones around you: family, friends, etc ?edit: if its too personal, dont mind those questions. Then maybe, tell us how you coped the previous time, (if I got that right)', 'I didnt know that song. Wow. Ill totally add it to my playbook, sounds easy to play on the guitar.Thank you for that.', 'No problemoTry to slow down on the internetz stuff, even too much reddit can be discouraging. Have you ever thought about trying to write stuff, or to play music? I mean on any other media that a PC, its important to find ways to keep away from it. I dont mean its a bad thing (you couldnt have posted here if it wasnt for the web).Ill be gone, I hope to read from you around some other time !', 'Ow, thats not really what I meant. Its just that you should find specific advice about dealing with the bipolar condition. For every other reason, this was the right place to call for help.', 'Hi. I havent been on this subreddit for a while, so sorry if Im clumsy with my words.Thats a hard part. It might take time for your friend to realize your intentions. Try to think that it doesnt matter (for now, at least) that it puts a barrier between you two. The important thing is the outcome: your friend lives to see another day. 20 is so young.Tell us more about you 2s backstory ? How did the first time around psych ward end?', 'During the therapy, when it did not work, was there actually someone who told you "Im sorry, you probably need something else" or did you end up discouraged and quit ?Lets talk about something else for a while. Anything but Mass Effect 3 (yeah I read some of your posts:) ) for Crying out loud I dont want to know the ending! I havent got the game... yet !Do you play video games, alone or with people ?', 'Lets talk for a while if you want, fellow redditor.As far as I dont know your whole backstory (which I would be glad to hear), your situation seems not desperate. I understand that your brother and mother are here to support you? Im going to throw random questions based on what you said, but if its too personal, dont bother.Does anyone else know of your duality (popular/sort of Depression) ?Are you still in highschool ? (asking because of the "popular" thing... yeah I know, all the knowledge that foreigners learn from tv shows...)For how long have you been drinking ?when did you first started scarring yourself ?I sincerely hope youre going to be okay', 'Having identified that what is keeping you alive, the love of the others. That is a strength, and maybe seeing it that way can be the beginning of something else. Imagine you were in the other position: maybe someone around is having the same thought. "If I kill myself, thinking24 will be devastated". What does it inspire you?I wish you the best', 'I aint no expert here, but I see a few things:Drugs change you, so every occasion when you were on drugs and Pain people you love, didnt count I guess. Or at least that didnt mean you were a bad person, but just lost for a while.And also, you believe in forgiveness. You should be able to forgive yourself.Sorry if this sounds cheezy. I am also a catholic, not Tired active, I cannot understand exactly how you fell because youve obviously been through a lot more than I will ever see in my life. But please tell us more. Maybe about how you imagine killing yourself could be considered a favor to the ones you love.', 'Im so glad and relieved to hear from you. I still believe that in your current case, I dont have much experience to bring and to participate ... but holy molly, paperwork and bureaucracy saved someone today.', 'You have already spent time with the gun in your hand thinking of what you could do with it, but did nothing. Id like to think of that as a strength, its like you know where the boundary is.You have a heart, and you sound Tired humble. I cant help but think that you are the kind of guy who is meant to do great things. You are not the only one unsatisfied with the rules of life, sometimes you just cant decide wether you have to wait for a change or "be" the change you want, I understand its hard.Thank you for sharing your feelings', 'Im glad you are still with us. >im such a fuck up, i cant even get suicide right.Man. Its a good thing it didnt work, I mean like i_am_not_a_liar is saying, you cheated death, so I guess that counts. Try to focus on that positive way of putting it through.Now, I suggest you tell us what the "friend" said to you and give us some context. Because we are perfect strangers and wont judge you, but we will listen, and it will help you vent your state of mind.', 'I had not heard of that Project before, and I think it is a great idea. If I ever find someone with a butterfly tattooed, that will give me something to think about.', '>I am scumRebel scum!Im sorry if that didnt make you smile, I thought it would help if you did.>Im an idiotNo youre not. Look, you nearly havent made a single writing mistake in your message, you probably cant measure how big an achievement this is nowadays. Cheer up, and tell us more. Like, about the talk therapy. Was it conducted by medical personel, therapist, group ?', 'Take a deep breath. Failing at school is something we all go through, dont put too much on yourself about that.How are your relations with your parents? Do you think they would understand and would offer help? If so, it is a good thing you contact them. If you think they would react with violence, maybe ask for a mediators help, go to a hospital. thanks for sharing with the rest of the redditors.', 'You sounded a little bit more positive here... I believe its hard for friends to hear sad stories over again when they have their own problems and are already trying to find interest in stuff. Sometimes its important to put distance with people. People who you consider your best friends, are not necessarily the ones you spend the more time with. So dont feel bad about putting distance, not because they caused it, but because you feel the need to do so.Vent on Reddit ! Thats a good idea. There are some subreddits you might find interest into. I havent seen your comment history or anything, but here it is: Reddit isnt just about funny pictures, fun jokes, news... there are a lot of stuff in here... Have you tried to reconnect with the church retreat you went to ? Or should you consider giving it one more try ?', 'Exactly what he said. It always strikes me to think how much inspiration can come from a Depression state. Thats a cruel aspect of life.I sincerely hope OPs final words were not an irrevocable decision.', 'I sort of dropped out of the social context but, in my days, text meant nothing. Nothing is of equal value to words said face to face. Maybe this has changed but I like to think that, even if texting is now an acceptable way of communication, it doesnt convey emotions.Are you sure you could have said whatever you said in that text, face to face? Also, you are actually regretting it, so it adds up.I know I wouldnt take whats in a text for granted.', 'I dont believe your imagination and creativity are gone. Those are abilities that manifest themselves when the environment around you allows it, but you probably noticed it when you felt better. Now I wont give you the usual "write a song, write something about what you feel" bshit . Well you know what, maybe I will. Do you think you could write something here that would describe your state of mind ?No pressure, no judgment, just write something.edit: or anything else, a picture, some story etc.', 'The idea that you have been suffering for 15 years is giving me a terrible feeling. I dont have much to say, only that the next time I see a shooting star my wish will be for you to get better.', 'I read the updates of your post. I dont consider you wasted my time. Im sure no one does. But I can understand that you dont want to talk now, there is no rush anyway.', 'Its a good thing you have your mother with you. If you feel bad for making her drop what she was doing, well dont, because thats what most mothers do really...Like experienced redditors point out from time to time regarding happiness, the body is an incredibly complex chemical machine that can influence your feelings. It depends on a lot of parameters, its like a set of dice was thrown and you didnt get multiple "six". Maybe you are a bit more unlucky than the average but you never know when it changes.What was the last experience when you felt happiness ? Can it happen again ? ']

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['It took several Suicide attempts before I broke down and sought help.Please dont let it go that far.', 'Im working on a fairly ambitious side project... Id love to talk more about it but I wont since it would disclose my identity. Suffice it to say you may hear about it on r/programming/ from time to time, and hopefully increasingly often here in the next few months as I land some big milestones.I too enjoy making games; I hope your project goes well and continues to be fulfilling for you.I really Hyperactive behavior exercising when I can, especially in cooler weather, because it really does help get me going again. Problem is, Im far enough down right now that I have no physical energy, Im feverish and aching all over (fairly common psychosomatic side effects of Mental Depression), and the thought of doing my usual 5-6 mile walk or something just makes me feel more Exhaustion. Ill do what I Can, though, and hopefully itll help at least a bit.', 'I find that typically my worst brushes with this feeling occur when Im not on my medication.For me, when I really dont want to do something, it just damn well will not get done. Period. I can rationalize, cajole, yell, anything - nothing will convince me to do it. Its Hyperactive behavior all the systems in my brain - fear of failure, fear of consequences, desire to succeed - all just shut down and stop responding. I cant logically or emotionally make myself do anything about it.When medicated, this just doesnt seem to be an issue for me. If I dont want to do something, I can usually find the motivation - it has to get done or XYZ consequences will occur; or I really do want to do it, I just need a kick to get started; or whatever. Work comes easily enough and with proper breaks and resting periods I can cope with a fairly hefty load of responsibilities.Even a day without the drugs, though, and that all goes straight to hell. Then its back in I Dont Care Land, where nothing can convince me to do anything useful. Often, this includes catching up on the meds, which means that missing a dose usually winds up in a weeks-long downward spiral of nastiness.Bottom line: Im relying heavily on my treatment to deal with this. I honestly hope it isnt that severe for you, since it can be utterly crippling and self-reinforcing once it kicks in. Micro-goals are a good technique (thats been discussed in other responses) and I think thats a great place to start; it certainly helps me with feeling less overwhelmed by large tasks. Ultimately, though, dont be afraid to talk to your doctor and experiment with some medicinal solutions to the problem - IF AND ONLY IF you cant solve it on your own.', 'Actually, a total lack of energy and motivation is a common sign of Mental Depression, or a Mental Depression episode. Most people associate "Mental Depression" with "I feel sad" but this is a misconception.Clinical Mental Depression can range anywhere from a simple emotional Ache to complete Indifferent mood to irritability and Anger. A common element is _anhedonia_ wherein you lack the ability to enjoy or care about anything.My Mental Depression periods generally do include emotionally feeling "down", but during the milder run-up to the worst parts, typically consist of just not wanting to do anything at all. For me the most frustrating part is that it occurs _without_ any sort of rational explanation or cause; I have no good reason to feel bad or apathetic, I just do.A lot of people Hyperactive behavior to hand out callous "advice" Hyperactive behavior "oh, just go for a jog, or watch a funny movie, or hang out with some friends and distract yourself." Its incredibly hard to communicate to them that its not possible to do that; even if you can drag yourself out to go participate in some activity, you get nothing from it. This is what separates true Mental Depression from just bad moods, and what makes it (for me) painfully difficult to explain my disorder to someone whos never been there.', 'Im Type I. No ADHD though.', 'I cant promise you much time, because Im pretty close to checking out myself. But if I can use that time to do something more productive than practice my carving skills on my wrists, you have my attention.I also have a lot of reasons not to feel this way. Sometimes all the reasons in the world cant outweigh how much it hurts.I am, unfortunately, just a stranger. But look on the bright side: you dont have to pay me to care.And Im not pretending.', 'Dont try to fix it. For someone who is Depressed mood enough to seriously consider taking their own life, all the answers in the world - no matter how sincere, well-meaning, or even correct - will seem trite, inconsiderate, and hollow. It can be incredibly hard to resist the urge to try to make everything better, but the reality is that the best thing you can do is be there, and *care*.Its good that youre concerned, and good that youre nervous about dealing with it alone - because I dont think anyone can deal with this kind of stuff alone. The more support you can muster - even from Internet strangers - the better.Just be around. Dont try and draw her out; let her open up in her own time. It can be incredibly difficult to talk about this stuff, especially the first time. But through it all, stick by her and be available for when the time does come.Do your best to not be harsh or judgmental, but be aware that you might be perceived as being those things anyways. Suicidal Mental Depression warps perception in very strange ways. The best I can suggest is to be as Disturbance in attention as you can, and dont take Hostility or frustration on her part personally - those are just part of the battle shes fighting.', 'I can understand your situation very well.I too feel a split in my mind, between rational, clear thought, and the depraved, senseless destruction that is my disorder. Problem is, the rational bit is very tiny, and very much not in control. It feels very afraid of the other majority, and it wants desperately to make it all go away, but isnt always sure it can take the steps necessary to do so.Ive routinely lied and manipulated the truth in front of my doctors. Nobody knows the full picture of what Ive gone through - just bits and select pieces, as I feel they need to know. (This is the diseased half of me deciding this, by the way - my little healthy slice wants desperately to be able to just spill it all out, let everyone know exactly how bad things really are, but... I just dont. I dont even know why.)Ive struggled with alcoholism and heavy tobacco use. Ive struggled with adrenaline Drug craving and all kinds of destructive behaviour. Theres so much stuff that I just cant and wont talk about... as much as I wish I could.But theres a bright side to this. My doctor continually reassures me that the best weapon one can possibly have in fighting mental and emotional problems is that little slice of awareness. Thats what it takes to know to get help, to make the scary decisions, to open up and accept that things must change in order to improve your life. Its Hyperactive behavior any other part of your mind: you have to exercise it to make it stronger.Thrive on that little slice. Understand that you dont necessary have to fix everything all at once - in fact, thats probably too much to try to do anyways (at least for me). But taking steps is good, and any start is a good start.Keep that slice alive, and give it time to grow. Ive improved in my compliance with taking medication. Ive improved in my ability to be honest about my situation. And Ive improved a lot in seeking help when the worst times strike. So I know theres hope.You, Hyperactive behavior me, have a tremendous amount of life ahead of you. Heres hoping that both of us can embrace it and enjoy it for its good parts, and overcome the bad.', 'Thanks. Its easy to feel Hyperactive behavior Im channeling Hemmingway or something while Im Manic, but its kind of nice to hear that I actually am coherent. Frankly, there have been times when Ive written stuff while Manic, and come back to it later in a more sound mental state and just gone "WTF?!"', 'Did my lab work yesterday. So at least thats out of the way.Im no stranger to all this; Ive lived with it for the better part of two decades and Ive been diagnosed and dealing with medication adjustments of one kind or another for just over six years. I appreciate the feedback, and I hate to sound negative about what is certainly a genuine attempt to help, but... I kinda feel Hyperactive behavior youve missed the point. Maybe thats my fault for being a poor communicator, I dunno.Drinking replaced other substance abuse issues in my life - mostly prescription abuse - and it already feels Hyperactive behavior a fallback. Its what I do when Im trying _not_ to do something worse.Cutting is very much the same. In my world, it makes more sense to flirt with a little incision or two than to flirt with putting a loaded gun in my mouth. Its already a replacement for a terrible habit.I know how to live with my own addled brain. Ive certainly had enough practice. Whats difficult isnt managing the intrusive thoughts, or handling the occasional minor mood swing, or any of that. Whats difficult is when there is literally nothing I can do to control what I feel and what I think.Its not because Im new to it or uneducated or poorly equipped to cope. Its because things are really, truly fucked up.Bleh. I hope I dont sound ungrateful, because Im not. I just feel Hyperactive behavior I wasnt clear about the reality of my situation, probably because Ive spent a lot of time here writing about my situation and sort of assume people will do some background research on me. Thats probably a dumb assumption, though :-)', 'Seriously?Whats with these quacks who think that its possible to just magically "gain control" of yourself and make the disorder go away? Its not under our control, thats what makes it a disease. If I could just "control myself" and stop feeling Depressed mood or Manic, dont you think I would? Do you really believe that I _want_ to be this way, and therefore dont take steps to change?I have no polite adjectives for the author of this nonsense.', 'I find that, unlike most cases, my Hypersomnia is controlled by my episodes and not vice versa. I can and will Hypersomnia fine most of the time, but as soon as a cycle starts, there is nothing at all I can do (including prescription Hypersomnia aids and stimulants) that will even my sleeping back out until everything dies down. As is normal, I Hypersomnia a lot more when Depressed mood and often go days without any Hypersomnia when Psychiatric symptom.', 'Oh, sure; I didnt meant to imply the math never (or even rarely) works in your favor. Just dont want to see you make any decisions based on false rigor.I think theres one other thing your model leaves out, to its detriment: your metric captures only a quantification of _how things are_. Something worth factoring into the system is the potential - in a physics sense - for that value to change. Youve described a number that you can graph over time as a simple planar curve; I think though that every point on that curve has an associated window of potential. At any given moment, theres how things _are_ and how things _could be_ - both in the positive and negative direction.Think of it Hyperactive behavior a statistical model. Youve captured the Irritable Mood of the data set - the way things are - but you have cropped out the standard deviation. A Irritable Mood by itself conveys very little information. You need to know not just where things stand now but how much better _or worse_ they could be at that given moment.Progress shouldnt be measured on the absolute scale youve described; instead, you should measure progress against the relative sliding window of potential. The closer you are to the lower bound, the worse things are; the more you tend towards the upper bound, the better things are. Of course absolute value is also important - it does after all affect the baseline of severity - but in measuring any kind of movement you need to take into account the margins.And youre right that its extremely hard to improve that absolute value, at any given moment in time. Whats substantially less difficult is to increase the upper bound of your potential window. Raising the lower bound can be tough as well, but its doable. If you continue to adjust the margins slowly and steadily, eventually you will inevitably shift the absolute instantaneous metric as well.Mathematics can be a very powerful way to justify decisions; but its always important to ensure that you have the most accurate model you can devise. Simplifying assumptions can be useful, but they can also distort perceptions in subtle and sometimes harmful ways. Im not saying youre wrong... just that you might want to double-check the equations.', 'I used to get that feeling a lot.So one day, I took a long weekend off work, got in the car, and just started driving aimlessly. Covered a couple thousand miles before I ended up looping around and coming back home a few days later.I dont know how practical that would be for you; youve mentioned a family and such, which I know can be hard to leave. But if theres any way you can pull it off, I can highly recommend the experience. A couple days to just think and clear your head and feel Hyperactive behavior you _are_ escaping might just do the trick.YMMV, of course.', 'I can recommend professional help, but be aware that the majority of "professionals" (psychologists, psychiatrists, MDs in general, and even professional counselors) are total crap. It may take some time and hopping to find someone you are really comfortable with and can work this out with.Theres always SW, too. We may not be professional, but theres some amazing people here.', 'Shit, son. I didnt believe in god. I **was** god.Manic Acute psychosis does some truly weird things to your mind. People talk about dropping acid as a gateway to the divine... they have _no idea_.Got lots of stories about those times, if youre interested. Im all druggified these days though so thankfully it doesnt happen too often anymore.', 'I think theres a difference between wanting to move on, and wanting to _forget_.For me personally, being Bipolar Disorder is an integral part of my past - and, in all probability, my future. I dont _like_ it per se, but its there, and for better or worse (ok, lets be honest, mostly worse) its made me into who I am _now_.The way I see it, we are not divorced from our symptoms or feelings. This isnt some "other person" living out their lives in our heads; whether we Hyperactive behavior it or not, _this is who we are_. Its not as if theres some other occupant upstairs being experimental, avant-garde, risk-taking, moody, voracious, megalomaniacal, elite, workaholic, melancholic, tormented, dark, or abstract. Thats _us_. You _were_ (and perhaps still _are_) all of those things - it isnt just some shell that you wear.Yes, those aspects of ourselves may be rooted in a disease, but that doesnt make them any less valid or any less personal and real. Genuine Acute psychosis aside, what we think and feel is more or less who we are.The obvious problem with this is that those things are often distasteful. Its not pleasant to think "hey, yeah, Im really whacked out." Especially as you mention when there are past deeds, damaged relationships, and general wasted time that we regret, it can be extremely difficult to accept. For my own part, there are certainly times when I _want_ all that to just be someone else taking over my body for a while. I _want_ to not be associated with a lot of those things.But in my thoroughly off-the-cuff and not-professionally-trained opinion, I think its important to see those things as part of your whole being. And that, I think, is the key - those things are _just a part_. There is more to you - more to all of us - than just being Bipolar Disorder. And there is more to be had than just symptoms, even if there have been times when the symptoms seem to dominate everything else.Theres an analogy I really Hyperactive behavior for this. Imagine a giant, bustling factory full of noisy machinery, yelling workers, and generally a bunch of deafening racket. Now imagine that Drug abuse up in the rafters of the building, a songbird has built a nest. Most of the time, when the factory is busy, youll never be able to hear that bird singing. But when everyone goes home and everything is shut down for the night, theres something of beauty and value to be found under the surface.Some of the time, maybe even most of the time, the noise of our Bipolar Disorder symptoms may be deafening. But that does not in any way subtract from the reality of the songbird sitting in the rafters, waiting for a chance to be heard.I think its awesome that youre on medication and doing better. I think thats a sign that youre in a good position to start listening for the bird singing, and hopefully to bring that sound to the forefront of your life.', 'I should note that most of the literature doesnt specifically refer to urination issues directly; however, it is almost always mentioned that blood sugar issues can occur with use of Geodon, and what you describe sounds Hyperactive behavior classic symptoms of such issues. Diabetes and Hypoglycemia symptoms are worth looking into to see if you show any other signs of blood sugar imbalance.I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Please take this as just friendly, concerned advice and nothing more!', 'Welcome to the crew :-)Ive been diagnosed for almost 5 years and still dont know what to think about it or how to deal with it. You get better at it, but I dont really think it ever gets easier.Shit, thats a real downer. Heres an imaginary donut to make your night better: O', 'Im afraid of the consequences. It might Irritable Mood he wants to adjust my medication again (which has been a living hell every time its been done in the past) or even have me committed. I guess its totally irrational, but it just seems Hyperactive behavior if I can control what he knows itll help control the course of my treatment. So ultimately Im the one who decides how things play out.Maybe it just boils down to a control issue, I dont know.', 'Oh, I know I didnt magically wish Bipolar Disorder disorder onto myself. Just kind of ironic that I remember thinking that as a kid, and then wham, I grow up and here I am.I get what youre saying about treatment helping, and I appreciate the sentiment... but what scares me is that even at my absolute best this kind of stuff haunts me. I cant increase my dosage of antidepressants without triggering Manic episodes, and I have bad side effects from all the mood stabilizers and antipsychotics Ive been on (especially at Drug abuse enough doses to control the antidepressant-induced Mania Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute) so Im kind of stuck. My current cocktail does a great job of keeping me level and stable, but the thoughts never go away.Definitely going to bring this up with my doctor now that I realize it consciously, though, and see what he thinks.', 'I get that a lot during my Mental Depression/mixed episodes.Its come down to me getting very unpleasant with my friends at times, which makes it even more difficult for them to _want_ to be around when stuff gets bad. Sort of a self-reinforcing issue.No idea what to do about it.', 'Very unhappy. But I can remember, even at a young age, deliberately making decisions that would make me Depressed mood - Hyperactive behavior refusing to go to a friends party, or whatnot. Seems Hyperactive behavior this streak has been with me for as long as I can recall, so Im not sure I can solely blame it on my bad experiences growing up.', 'Im in a remarkably similar situation - 24, Bipolar Disorder, wrestling with Mania Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute and mixed states at the moment. I can totally identify with your frustration and Anger at the way the world is. Sometimes I feel Hyperactive behavior itd be better if I could just go on a Panic spree and Bulimia Nervosa the planet of all the idiots and morons that Plague our lives.But you know, that really wouldnt solve anything. Even long after were gone, stupid people will exist. So thinning the herd so to speak isnt all that productive, and it robs more or less innocent people of the chance to better themselves.Anyways... if youre still seeing your doctor, I strongly recommend you tell him or her about this. It sounds Hyperactive behavior youre having a very typical reaction to your medication which can be controlled by supplementing your regimen with a mood stabilizer. Ask specifically about mood stabilizers and antipsychoctics. Theyve done wonders for me personally. I still have those times when my brain is running a million miles an hour and going no place fast, but theyre few and far between, and only last a few hours now.Guess I just wanted to say that theres plenty of hope and theres a good (possible) solution to your situation. Hang in there.', 'Im Type I with ultradian rapid cycling (i.e. I can have several swings between extremes in a single day).Generally rapid cycling seems to be less well-understood by most doctors, even psychiatric specialists; I dont know why, but my guess is because its less common. Ive never heard a really good definition of what qualifies, but most rapid cyclers Ive heard of have pretty similar patterns, myself included.Less severe episodes are actually not uncommon either; not every single experience is either whacked-out Mania Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute or deep depression. Probably 80% of my cycles (medicated or otherwise) are just abnormally Drug abuse or low moods (and other symptoms - energy levels etc.) and they occur fairly often, probably every couple of months or so. Really extreme episodes are maybe once or twice a year.In any case, though, definitely bring up your concerns with a psychiatrist. See if you can get a good talk therapist too; for a lot of people early in the Bipolar Disorder diagnosis/treatment process, it takes a long time to really wrap your mind around whats going on and come to accept it. The sooner you can become comfortable with a diagnosis and treatment plan the sooner you can start regaining control.', 'Meh. Ive given up on romantic relationships in general.I understand the sentiment though. I definitely get along a _lot_ better with people who have first-hand experience with mood disorders, because they at least know what _not_ to do when Im not perfectly even.There are rare occasional people who are "normal" and still somewhat understanding and supportive - but rare is the operative word.', 'Still here.Days are usually the easy part, though. Give me a couple hours to sit around at home and well see how it goes :-)', 'Give it time.Be there when you need to be, but _never_ push. When Im Depressed mood, any probing at all, no matter how well-intentioned, will make me extremely Anger and liable to do something very, very horrible.Trust is very hard to nurture, especially with BD (and the often-attendant PTSD). Take time, be gentle, and do what you can to be trustworthy.But please, please dont put pressure on her.', 'Ive had prolonged and excruciating problems with compliance. Sometimes I quit with some vague excuse, and other times I just... quit, no reason.One thing that helps me is to keep my meds in someplace unavoidable - in particular, I literally stack my bottles on top of my wallet and car keys. If I want to go anywhere or do anything, I have to plow through a pile of meds to do it.Ive come close to doing the chart and stickers thing many times, because I too will occasionally just forget, or make up excuses, or whatever else. Even a single missed dose means an unavoidable episode for me, so I always know when it happens - but not always immediately, which is annoying.So yeah... not sad at all. I completely understand.', 'I know the feeling.I just got back on my own medication after a two month lapse, and its hardly the first time in the past several years. All I can say is: dont try it. You will certainly be no better for it, and almost without question will go through a tremendous hell before realizing that youre better off with the treatment.That said, it may well be worth experimenting with different medications. Depakote gave me effects similar to what you describe (severe absent-mindedness, inability to focus, loss of short-term memory, etc.) and coming off it was the best thing I ever did medication-wise. And Reflex, Abnormal thought patterns can be a sign of chemically-prompted Hypomania or Mania Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute, which is not uncommon when taking a Drug abuse dose of antidepressants compared to mood stabilizers.Im not nearly enough of an expert to dare suggesting any tweaks to your medication, but definitely talk this over with your doctor(s) and see what they think. There are tens of millions of combinations of medication out there, and chances are you can find one that works for you if you can stomach a little experimentation.Best of luck!', 'Bollocks. Whiskey helps everything ;-)I dont Hyperactive behavior the word "from." It implies a historical connection I never have had. So well say Im rather international, and I currently live on the west coast.', 'There is so much of me reflected in this that its kind of scary.I dont know what to say, mainly because Im stuck in the bottom of a very similarly black pit myself, and Im also looking for a lot of the same things.So have an internet hug instead. Its the best I can do. I hope it counts for something.', 'I dealt with a lot of Anger when I was first diagnosed. It just seemed so _unfair_ that I would get smacked with this while other people got by just fine. Even now, I still have some lingering bitterness that surfaces in the rougher times; Ill often (privately) mock people for their silly, petty, carefree lives who whine about first world problems and other nonsensical shit Hyperactive behavior that. I think what gets me the most is people who think they can understand without having gone through something Hyperactive behavior this firsthand; I have a thinly veiled but hatefully deep well of scorn and spite for those people.Sometimes I feel Hyperactive behavior the only people who I can talk to about this are in anonymous groups Hyperactive behavior this subreddit; even most of the doctors Ive had dont really pay enough attention to _me_ as an individual to merit being told all the little nuances of what Im dealing with. The broad strokes will suffice, thank you very much, and Ill tell you the symptoms so we can keep the prescriptions flowing, but frankly Ive only ever had one doctor I respected enough to be honest with about much.I cant understate the benefits of having that kind of support though. Someone who genuinely gets involved from a position of being _able_ to help will make a tremendous difference. One of my personal warning signs of a _bad_ doctor is someone who plays the pigeonhole game: oh, you have X, Y, and Z combination of symptoms, well throw A, B, and C drugs at it and never deviate. Doctors who are afraid of experimenting and helping you discover an effective treatment regimen are worthless. You deserve someone who will stick with you and figure out how to truly improve your quality of life, not just stuff you full of pills and tell you that "hey, at least youre a _little bit_ better, right?"I was on Depakote for a long time and it totally killed my brain. I literally felt Hyperactive behavior I had the mental capacity of a child while I was on it. I couldnt think straight, couldnt speak clearly, and moved slowly and awkwardly. My doctor at that time insisted that I was fine and that I was just experiencing "normalcy" after years of Hypomania and mixed episodes. Eventually, after doing my own research on the medication, it became pretty obvious that he was full of shit and I fired him. One of the best decisions Ive ever made.Heres something Ive found that a lot of doctors are Social fear to tell you: despite the warnings about SSRI/SNRI antidepressants and triggering Mania Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute, it _is_ possible to take them safely _in combination with other medications to manage the mania_. Ive done various permutations of Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Abilify, and Seroquel (SSRI, SNRI, and atypical antipsychotics, respectively) and they work pretty well. Now, thats not to say that the risk isnt real, and thats not to say it will work for everyone - but you have the right to find out for yourself, because frankly nobody can predict how youll respond to the medications.And honestly, as my favorite doctor of the past once put it, its far easier to bring someone down out of a mild Psychiatric symptom/Manic swing than to convince them to keep trying when theyre fully Depressed mood. His philosophy was to err on the side of making me feel better, and then tone things down and/or increase the controls from the other medications as necessary. For the last couple of years Ive been small doses of Lexapro and Wellbutrin daily, with varying doses of Abilify to respond to excessively Manic mood changes, and occasional Seroquel as a sort of "emergency response" to shut things down if they ever get out of control. It works pretty darn well, but I fired three different doctors before finding one who was even willing to propose such a cocktail, let alone stick with me long enough to find a mixture that worked.As to the big question... Ive made it this far out of pure rotten stubbornness. I figure it this way: someday or later, this goddamn disease might kill me. Most of the time I secretly suspect that when I die itll be self-inflicted. But every day, I tell myself this: it may get me eventually, and maybe thats inevitable. *But not today.*Not. Fucking. Today.And wouldnt you know it, 15 years on and Im still here. Maybe not the best outlook ever, but hey, it obviously worked.', 'Im not a professional, so take this with appropriate amounts of salt - but it definitely sounds Hyperactive behavior Hypomania to me. Im not deeply familiar with the symptoms of hyperactivity, so they may overlap substantially for all I know, but if I had to guess Id say you fall into the classic Type II category with rapid cycling.I have similar experiences with extremely short but Abnormal dreams episodes (although Im type I and go full Manic). Its frustrating because most of the medication out there seems targeted at long-term maintenance and finding something that can even out the hour-by-hour roller-coaster is tough.As for feeling blunted, I had very similar experiences with Depakote, and Ive heard that lamotrigine has that effect on a fair number of people. However, that said, a lot of medication has nasty side effects for the first few weeks of adjustment in my experience, and gradually gets better. I agree that you should give it some time; if you dont notice things returning to more or less normal in a few months, definitely talk to your doctor about changing up the regimen.Since your diagnosis is fairly recent, Ill just throw this out there: a lot of people find that it takes a _long_ time and many different combinations/levels of medication to find something that works well. Its also not uncommon to have to tweak things periodically even after you land on a good cocktail. So be prepared for the long haul and keep with it. Recording your reactions and moods with different medications can be immensely helpful; if youre Hyperactive behavior me, with memory falling apart rapidly from the combination of episodes and chemicals, having a written record can help a lot in figuring out what works and what doesnt.Its a long and complicated journey but its well worth taking, because you _can_ find a good balance between being yourself and not being overly symptomatic. Best of luck.', 'All familiar experiences... I really dont have much to say except good on you for finding an outlet, and for fighting to improve your life.', 'Also a possibility; Ive had some self-image issues in the past (complicated by the Bipolar Disorder stuff, obviously) and havent totally worked through all of that, so it could well be a factor.', 'Wanted to be. Got as far as filling out a few application forms and decided I couldnt lie about my psych profile. One of my best friends did a few tours in the Corps, and probably understands Hyperactive behavior nobody else I know what its Hyperactive behavior to live with a mortally wounded sense of humanity.Funny enough, I cant even blame combat experience for my situation. Im just fucked up in general. Maybe its a terrible thing to say, but I almost envy

Attempt

user-99

['Though going overseas wouldnt solve the principal issue of no human companionship, thats a pretty good response from your teacher. He/she seems like a fairly sensible person.Thanks for the response.', 'Ill have a look into whats around in my area. From memory there arent many in my city that arent only for the seriously mentally unwell.', 'Thanks Nyctor, Ill have a watch/listen.', 'I may not agree entirely with what you say, but I like you.All I can promise is that Ill think carefully about what youve said.', 'I have, I just get lethargic/sleepy unfortunately. Mixed with alcohol I get Tired, Tired, sick.', 'In a sense what youre recommending is in line with what someone else recommended, change. I wonder how far Ill need to change in order to find peace from this; whether Ill need to become an entirely different person. I suppose if Im ready to walk away from life it doesnt matter does it? Either way I die in some sense.If you met me in real life youd find me far less interesting, and I expect youd be far less willing to give me the benefit of the doubt with regards to my personality.Due to Tired personal reasons along with my general lack of social skills, finding love is impossible for me, which is one major part of the problem. Its not just me feeling sad and not wanting to put effort into it, its essentially impossible. Ive been trying to grapple with the idea of spending the rest of my days alone for over a year now and its been one of the hardest things to get to grip with. I dont think Ill ever get comfortable with the idea.But then maybe I can change into a different person and distract myself until I die alone of Malignant neoplastic disease at 80.', 'Its hard to explain. I can talk and make chit-chat, I can fake social enthusiasm if need be, and I can talk about a wide range of topics, but I lack the ability to really connect with people somehow. Either I cant keep conversations going, or they lose interest and gradually decrease contact with me. It also doesnt help Im awkward as hell, generally quiet, and seem to shut down when Im socialising in a group.Perhaps partly because Ive grown up so socially isolated, I just cant fit in anywhere and have so little to contribute to potential friendships and I think people can pick up on that. So theyll be polite and talk to me, but its all superficial with no intention on their part to include me as part of their social circle.Ive learnt and developed automatic social responses so I seem far more well-adjusted in public than I actually am, all it takes is a five-minute conversation with me to discover that its a sham, and theres actually nothing behind the curtain but smoke and mirrors.', 'The question is, is it too late to change the trajectory considering how much time Ive spent on it? It all feels so overwhelmingly difficult, both impossible and pointless. I dont think its something I can manage on my own, even doing all the courses in the world.Youll have to forgive me, I can feel the onset of the Depression hitting me again and its making it harder to do anything by the minute.', 'Funnily enough having goals were what was causing the Depression last time around. I got rid of it by giving up on all the goals and dreams I had, mostly by convincing myself they were all unachievable no matter what I did.', 'Thanks Mudlily, I appreciate the time youve spent here.', 'I appreciate the time youve taken to write all that out. It seems that bars and sports clubs aside, you favour simply initiating conversations with random people until it becomes habitual, hoping for the best that some of these random encounters with bear fruit.If I cant make friends with the people I see and talk to nearly every day at work, what makes you think random people I have no connection at all with will be better? I have to say, no one Ive ever spoken to makes a habit of starting conversations with complete strangers, even at bars. They generally stick to people they already know or friends of friends so they have something to break the ice with. And youre asking me, a socially inept, defective subhuman to be able to have those kinds of conversations with strangers that most people cant or dont want to do. That requires social skills and nerve well above that of the average person to do well.Like I said, I do appreciate your response and I respect the time it took to write it, Im afraid theres just something fundamentally wrong with my wiring, Im not able to just converse and make friends, I never have, and never will.Also my method is guaranteed to work, 100% success rate, and doesnt involve any of the actions you listed, so dont worry about that.', 'Thats a Tired interesting story. Ive often thought highly of Zen and Stoic philosophy but have never spent the time to put them in practice.Youve given me some food for thought, at the Tired least it might stave off the worst of the Depression temporarily.', 'You remind me a bit of myself then. I developed what I can only think of as a social phobia in secondary school (High school). I thought everyone was watching and judging me, laughing at my appearance, and so on. I was terrified of going into public places and could barely speak with strangers. It persists in a form even today (When I hear people laughing I have to remind myself its not about me) but thankfully the worst of it is past me now.So youd recommend some form of group therapy then?', 'Could you elaborate more on this epiphany?', 'I forgot to mention I did browse those subreddits.Id like to think things could someday improve, I just cant imagine a scenario in which that could happen.', 'More or less. To put it precisely, in order to have any kind of social interaction, I have to be someone other than me. Another persona that appears more charming and interesting than I actually am. The moment I start dropping the act, the moment people start being less interested in talking to me.It eventually gets to the point where I just dont know how to respond and end up either not responding at all or reaching for some pre-thought canned response that best fits.Of course I could just never drop the act and have plenty of "friends", but theyd be fair-weather friends at best and living that kind of lie seems worse than death.', 'Im going to wait until my mother dies so she wont have to deal with it. Besides, like I said, no one will realise Ive killed myself for quite some time, if ever.', 'Thanks for sharing your story and Im sorry to hear things are so bad for you. Lets hope we can both find something worthwhile in this world before we take that final, drastic, step.', '1) Yes, and as Im below-average in attractiveness, I found Tired few were interested.2) I play video games but Im fairly boring, I doubt anyone would enjoy talking to me, except calling me "FAG!1", "NEWB!", "GTFO", etc.3) I appreciate the idea, and I have considered doing that kind of thing. Just signing up for random things, except it doesnt solve the fundamental problem of not being able to connect with people. Id be on a bowling team or turn up for scuba diving and Id just be there. We might make idle chit-chat or talk shop but thats all Id be left with. They, just like nearly everyone else, would have zero interest in forming any real kind of friendship with me. Itd be just like my interactions with people at work.Then once its over Id go home and be none the better for it. I feel this would work well for someone whos naturally gregarious and talkative but a little shy when meeting new people. Im not naturally talkative, Im quiet, Im introspective, I dont contribute anything to group situations. A non-person basically.Again, I appreciate the effort you went to with this, but Im a lost cause and someone not made for this world clearly.', 'I garden and exercise. I tried learning to play music to ease the isolation but Im terrible at it, no talent at all, so its no fun, and the less said about me attempting art the better. I recently got cats and they help a little, its a shame Ill have to find a new home for them before I go.The problem is these things can only ever distract me temporarily from the lack of human companionship. Theres no escaping it. The thing is I can meet and talk to people but Im incapable of developing true friendship, the best I can do is develop a circle of distant acquaintances. Nothing else interests me, I dont care about money or success (Whatever thats defined as by society now). Im also completely talentless so theres little else I can do other than go to work every day until I die.Alcohols the only medication that works but even that has its limits. I tried SSRIs but they had almost no effect and eventually stopped working completely within months.', 'Its funny you should say that. Ive been trying to convince a girl I work with to follow her dreams and live the life shes always wanted and shes started taking my advice seriously. Today she asked in a roundabout way, about me going with her, I dont know whether she was just gauging general interest since she also asked her friends but who knows? Maybe it might be an opportunity for me to radically change my life.', 'I suppose, yeah. Usually what I say is something uninspiring or generic and the conversation just peters out anyway. So Im probably better off having said nothing at all.Hell maybe I should just go full awkward and say, "Im sorry I dont know what to say." Itd probably be just as bad.', 'You speak wisdom, perhaps I could devote my life helping the less fortunate. It would certainly be more worthy than anything else Ive ever done. I dont think Id escape the feeling Id been cheated out of having a normal life though; that I were just a machine whose only purpose was to serve other people and never feel the same joy they could.', 'Im glad somethings positive is happening for you, and that youre enjoying a hobby.I stopped the hobby thing when I realised whatever I did would be a hollow substitute for what I actually wanted out of life, and what little pleasure I had from it was outweighed by the sheer amount of time and often money it would take to become invested.Socially I have no one to confide in. Theres one person who I supported when her bipolar got really bad and later helped get her through (funnily enough) a suicide crisis of her own. So I can sort of talk to her but were not that close and she has little time to do anything with me considering shes married with kids. My family are out as theyre not the kind of people I can talk to about this kind of thing.Long story short, I have no one I can really lean on.', 'My god youre just like me. Ive done the exact same thing as you. Ive been trying to find hobbies, (Learn guitar, learn Japanese, learn knitting) and when I find Im terrible at each I move on to something I might be better at. Something that might keep me busy enough to distract me from everything else. Obviously I didnt succeed or I wouldnt be here now.Ive also used alcohol as essentially medication, since its done a much better job of keeping the feels away than SSRIs ever did and with far fewer side effects.Id like to talk to you further about this, perhaps well both be able to gain some insight from examining each others situations in more detail.']

Ideation

user-372

['Perhaps the way you are learning is the problem. I know when I first started learning to program what helped me was picking a project I wanted to design and then figuring out all the components that would be required from a language to complete that project. I also learned that Im terrible at learning from ebooks, or website tutorials, and that videos (though they can be long and boring) helped me grasp the language easier than those. Do you have any projects you want to build? ', 'Have you seen a different doctor at a different hospital for a second opinion? Hospitals are a business just Hyperactive behavior every other, and some of them have very questionable business practices, it never hurts to get a second opinion. Your husband loves you and married you to be with you in Nausea and in health, he doesnt want anyone else because you both chose each other. Let him in and work through this together. ', 'None of this is worth you taking your own life. Your parents may be the most horrible and terrible people to exist but you shouldnt give them the satisfaction of your death, you need to try and live in spite of them. In less than 365 days youll be 18 and can apply for new visas, or residency on your own. Once you are on your own you can build the life that you deserve and only see your family on your terms. I dont know about how your university expenses are being paid, but I assure you that there are a wealth of scholarships available for anyone who chooses to pursue them. Next time instead of Depressed mood yourself because of your family, sit down and look for scholarships on sites Hyperactive behavior [Fastweb](http://www.fastweb.com/) and apply for them. Each and every time they Anger you or frustrate you turn that Anger into a positive force and use it to start building your life without them. ', 'You shouldnt let another human have that kind of control over you. Ive been in your shoes, and I lost the person who I thought was going to be the one. We had made promises, we had been there for each other, and then one day she decided to stop being there for me, she cheated on me, and Ventricular Dysfunction, Left. I even tried to repair the relationship a few months later, it worked for a bit, but I ended up in a worse spot than I was. Only after letting go, and not looking for a replacement, but looking to let go, looking to find a way to make me a better person was I able to turn my life around. Instead of trying to find another person who was just Hyperactive behavior her, I just focused on becoming a better me, and learning to love me. You can do this too. You can improve skills, or exercise to become a more physically capable person. Spend time, a good period of time six months to a year, or more if you need to to become a better you. Dont make this new year about her, and her control over you. Its time that you started living life for you, become the best you that you can be!', 'Would you Hyperactive behavior to talk about it, Im here and Id love to listen.', 'Ive never been to university, it wasnt in the cards because of finances. I started using the talents I had and worked my way up to get an entry level job as IT / SEO, I took that job and learned as much as I could about the SEO / internet marketing industry and jumped ship (a bit too early) to a better job. I worked at that internet marketing job for a few years and learned as a went, until I applied for a better paying position at a marketing firm. 2 and a half years later Im the digital marketing director of the marketing firm. I still havent been in university, and I have a job in a very competitive industry. Life gets better, with hard work you will get there!', 'Hey, it looks Hyperactive behavior youve already got a few people who are here to help you. If not, send me a PM and we can talk as long as you need.', 'I see that you have an interest in computer science, but you are worried that you wont be able to get into the field that you want because of your current grades. While it is possible that you may not be immediately accepted into the university of your choice, there is the possibility of going to a community college to get good grades in core classes (most likely math and science heavy) and then transferring to a respected four year institution. However you will need to focus on getting strong marks. Another option is going in under academic probation by writing a university letter of why you know your grades alone arent good enough, but that youre willing to work hard to ensure that your previous actions were not reflective on you as a whole.', 'I dont know your mother, and would never pretend to, but perhaps its best to just not bring up classes for a bit till the current wave of drama blows over. As soon as it has then try to explain to them that the major you are pursing that will be the best for you and the family is not currently offered online. If youre pursing a major that would be easily taken online, you may be forced to decide between a different major or stuck at home with the family. If their motives for keeping you locked away are selfish (for the pride of the family, or to keep the family name "clean" by keeping you out of trouble) remember that you can use that selfishness against them (the family would look very prestigious if you had a lofty degree). ', 'Communications degrees go further than you might think. Ive got a brother with a com degree and he works for an energy consultant firm, while paying his way through law school. The job pays very well and gives him full benefits. I myself never went to university, and spent 3 years of my life working at an Arbys from age 21-24. Through a ton of hard work, and dumb luck I now have a career that I honestly love, that pays me a very well. You are not your degree, you are the sum of every experience that has ever happened to you, good or bad. You can take any degree and any skills you have and turn it into a gold mine because this life is yours. The fact is that Communications majors have [lower unemployment rates than you might expect](http://www.studentsreview.com/unemployment_by_major.php3). Do you know why this is? Because there is a use for them, and because communication majors can use their skills to persuade their way into cushy sales, marketing, and PR jobs. For all the STEM majors that boast about low employment rates Communications majors have a lower unemployment rate than many engineering majors and are only a fraction away from math major unemployment rates. Do not beat yourself up, because you are going to do things much greater than your $8.50/hr job, one day you will look back on this and think they were dark times in your life, but they will propel you through future hardships and into newer greener pastures. ', 'You can always tell someone, even if youre a great great grandfather. Telling someone doesnt make you any less strong. No one has to walk through life alone, letting people in and receiving help isnt a sign of weakness.', 'You Hyperactive behavior to code, what languages do you know? There are plenty of jobs out there that knowing to code will put you ahead of other applicants, that do not require math (or for that matter a degree). ', 'There is always room in life for more friends, feel free to chat with me!', 'Death is a terrible way out, you give them control. You may have to live with them for a while longer, but there will come a day when you leave to pursue your own life. Im sorry that you are not in the position to make that decision for yourself right now, but you taking your own life means that they win. If you dont mind me asking, under what conditions will they allow you to leave their control?', 'That truly is upsetting, but at 18 years old in the United States there is nothing legally they can do to prevent you from leaving, or taking a citizenship exam and leaving, or filing for your own education visa and leaving. There are many people whove Ventricular Dysfunction, Left broken homes in similar situations. The one thing your family will have over you is finances. This is why you have to work hard for scholarships and save money so that you can separate yourself from your family. ']

Indicator

user-87

['Thanks for the group I will look into it. The person that moved away I just cant talk to anymore, there was a falling out. I guess I am just being unreasonable with what I want. I know I need to tell my therapist how bad I am doing but dont want to end up in the hospital again. But I know if I tell her I will be sent back. I dont know. I wish I could get a second dog, but I cant. He has helped me through so much. I would say the only reason I am here is because of him, I tried to hang myself and he came down to the basement and saw me hanging there and I just couldnt bear the thought of him watching me die and I was able to get on something to stop from passing out. I just dont know what I will do when the time comes that he isnt there. I also just dont know what to do with these thoughts anymore. It seems everywhere I look I get the same response for OCD. You must do CBT it will work. It will work. It will work. But it just doesnt for me. Like I dunno. I just wish I had someone I trusted and understood what I was going through to be near me so I could just be hugged when I am at my worst. ', 'I just enjoy watching it really. I played defense when I played hockey though. Curry is just awesome. I cant explain it.', 'My experience with therapy has been mixed. I am being treated for OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been in therapy a little over a year, stopped about a few weeks ago, but have decided to go back to it because I am going through an extremely rough time now. My search to find a therapist took about 4 months, and I really cant say I am feeling any better despite being in therapy for close to a year and seeing her every week. The first session is kind of awkward as you are basically telling a complete stranger how you got to this point. The best thing I can recommend, and I have trouble doing this for different reasons, but to be open and honest with your therapist about how you feel.', 'Ya, like I just cant bring myself to go to one. Again, how can one get better when the place they should be makes the symptoms so much worse.', 'Ya, she knows that I am off my medications. She also knows about my other drug use. I will be telling her pretty much everything, but again I just dont want to run the risk of being committed against my will. The issue with my parents is not a Fear of being letdown or nothing happening, it is just that I dont care enough to involve them. My parents just this morning asked how I was doing, and I just told them everything was fine. They asked if I was seeing my therapist still, and said I was seeing her Monday. They asked if I was taking my meds and told them I wasnt. Like, I cant even tell my therapist that I have a plan or anything else I get sent to the psych ward. I tell her that it doesnt help me, but she has to do it by law. So I am fucked in that sense. They just dont understand that the hospital is not a place I want to be regardless of being Suicidal.', 'Unfortunately, where I live there is only 1 hospital that handles psych patients. I would, if I decided to, have to drive 3 hours to get to the next hospital. I have only been in therapy really for like a year. The thoughts prevent me from doing a lot of stuff, they leave me in their control. Everyday, I wake up and the thoughts are there dictating what I do. It takes me an hour to shower because I need to feel right before I get out or I end up have Anxiety attacks. I have obsessive thoughts of harming myself and follow through with them so they stop. I just want them to stop, and all anyone can tell me is that they will not stop but that I can one day cope with them. How the fuck do you cope with intrusive thoughts and violent images of hurting yourself or wanting to kill yourself.', 'The only surgeon my psychiatrist was able to find is in Boston so I am not able to really talk about it. But I am really against the surgery in the first place. Again it has to do with being in a hospital. Even if they were not as active it would still be too much for me :(. My family thinks I am fine because I just dont interact with them. I am able to hide how I truly am from my psych and therapist so hiding from my family who I dont interact with or even really talk to is easy. I tried joining that group but it needs to be approved oh well.', 'I used too :(. But nothing interests me anymore. My fav food is probably curry. TV Show is probably Stargate. Sports would be hockey, soccer, and rugby.', 'It really depends sometimes the pot will help other times it will make things worse. But I dont even have the money for a taxi anyway, or even enough to drive. I understand that my friends dont have the the ability to understand or really how to act around me, because they have found out I cut, among other things. I dont think it is really a major issue, I was let down by my friends oh well. I am fine being alone. But the thought of being around other people, whether it is a support group or a hospital just creates Anxiety. So I try to avoid all situations that cause Anxiety. Hell, I took a year off school because I was continually having Anxiety issues being in class. I have tried making friends with people that I have met at the hospital but maybe i am unlucky and I just end up being in the psych ward when no one even close to my age is there. The time I did meet some people one moved away, and I just dont like being around the other people. I feel so Illness with myself being the way I am, that as I sit here in my room I just look in a mirror and see emptiness. My dog loves me I know that, but I cant keep going in this world with just that. What happens when he dies in a few years, the average lifespan of a cockerspaniel is like 12 years or so and he is almost 11. I know my parents would take care of him if I died, it isnt like he is actually mine. Sure I spend the most time with him, and stuff but it was my parents that actually got him and raised him. I didnt start bonding with him until he was 3-4 years old. Basically around the time my life started becoming fucked.', 'Ya, it is fucked I know. Here is someone that wants help but his own Illness prevents it from happening. I guess that would be normal though. I wish I could believe the violent intrusive thoughts would stop, but the nature of OCD wont allow that. I just cant live with myself knowing these thoughts are there, it is just so crippling to deal with them. I want to get better, I do, but a larger part of me just wants to take the easy way out and just end my life. I cant even enjoy what I used to love anymore. I cant go out in public, or even feel comfortable around anyone anymore because of the scars and current cuts. I havent felt any emotion or pleasure in so many years. I am not sure I am even human anymore or if I ever was. It is just an empty person with no emotion.', 'This is my fault. I let myself get this bad, by fucking up my attempts. Hospitals make things worse for me. I have gone in 4 times and have come out worse then when I went in. My psych and therapist had to have the police bring me in the last time, and I will not be going back to one. I cant get better in one, when I am constantly having Anxiety and Stress issues when in one.', 'Yes, I may be delusional. But again, I will not go to a hospital. I do not get better in one, I end up getting worse because I have Anxiety issues with being around that many people. I end up stressing out because I am in the hospital and have a Fear of them. It just doesnt help me when I am in a hospital.', 'The shitty thing is, is that I live in a small town so no private institutions at least none that are a reasonable distance. As for support groups, I really dont feel that they would help as I dont like telling anyone about what I am going through, at least in person. I also just cant be around that many people, as I go into an Anxiety overdrive and just feel horrible. I have no problem travelling, I have just recently got back from Montreal and put up a facade of having fun. I also just cant get up an leave either since I am in a good paying job, and going to school. This idea of time, is just something that makes me more Depression. How long must I stay like this? What is acceptable? Why should I wait this through when I can just end it all tonight? This Depression has been crippling me for several years, and OCD will not go away it will stay there. I just seem like I am fooling myself by telling myself that things will get better when they havent. I really see no point in going on past tonight. I just...ya... I have no hope left, I see everyone saying try this, try that with no success. It just brings you down when shit works for other people and then it doesnt work for you. Like why bother continuing? I dont see the point.Everyday is Pain to live. I wake up, and every second is thought about killing myself, or filled with obsessive thoughts. It just fucking sucks, and the Illness has taken a toll. My arm is covered in scars, my interal organs have probably been fucked from the amount of ODs that I been through. ', 'I have been basically bullied since grade 1. Started noticing my OCD happening around grade 9 maybe. ', 'You sound like my therapist.', 'I dont see it worth it at all. I have trouble seeing anything be worth it at this point. I really just want to end the Pain that I am in.', '3 Hours isnt too much of a drive, but I just couldnt bring myself to do it. I have too many issues driving, with thoughts of killing myself or thoughts that I may have hit something it just causes Anxiety. The only time I really drive is to go to work. I also dont trust anyone to drive me or want to tell anyone. I am not sure if my therapist is helping or not, I have been in therapy for close to a year and have seen no results so maybe she isnt helping. As for OCD specialists I have none in my area. I cant even begin to explain the intrusive thoughts as they cause so much Anxiety just thinking about them. But it is just like the thought is stuck and wont leave, always there saying the same thing over and over and over. It just doesnt stop. As I have said, I just dont see myself ever being able to cope with the thoughts that cause the most distress. And that is what causes the worst of my Depression and causes me to cut and want to kill myself. Today, I have spent the entire day in my room just Crying that I am still alive and wanting to die just wanting to take more pills to end it and fighting a losing battle to not take them.', 'I dont see it ever getting better at this point. I have been hoping for so long for shit to get better that at this point I have no hope left. I have no will left to live left.', 'I have been looking for new therapists, but with this town so small it just seems impossible. I am quite positive I was on everyones waiting list for about 4 months, got the one I have now and was taken off the waiting lists for other therapists so I would have to start over. I know I am self sabotaging my therapy by not telling her everything but I am just to Feeling nervous and lack of trust to tell her everything because I dont want to get sent to a psych ward. My parents know about my Illness but right now they think I am fine and dont know how I think they would react, probably send me to the hospital. They have threatened to have the police pick me up and take me to the psych ward before when they found out I was cutting again. I just dont enjoy talking or being around them it doesnt bother me that if I kill myself they would be Pain, but I know that if I did kill myself they wouldnt notice for a few days. ', 'Ya, as I said in my original post I stopped them in like September. As for how Suicidal I am, I dont want to answer to that. I would say I am at risk for cutting tonight...', 'For drugs I go through ganja/hash daily, and use coke/e/shrooms/opis every once and a while. Naturally, I feel fine when under the influence but afterwords it is back to the hell and it just makes it more depressing but it allows an escape from it so I dont mind. It isnt that I dont want the help that is available, it is that I have just tried so much that I dont want to send myself over the edge by putting hope into something than seeing it fail. Again with support groups I would try them if I wouldnt be having Anxiety issues around the people. It is hard to explain. As for going to an institution I am still just terrified of them. I mean no one wants to go to one, I realize that. But I have promised myself that I will not be going back to one. I have my reasons for this. I know I must appear stubborn, because there are options out there but I dont want to use them. I have emailed my therapist asking for an appointment but I dont think I will tell her exactly how I feel. I have never really been truthful with her and my psychiatrist about how Suicidal I am. For example, about 1 month ago I tried to kill myself by ODing on prescription medication and didnt tell my therapist until she actually asked me.It seems like I am so wrapped up in not wanting people to know what is wrong with me that I dont want to let people in. I have trust issues I guess as well as Delusional disorder issues. I am just so fed up with shit that I really see myself doing something tonight. Ya, I know I can go to the hospital to help myself and be safe\xe2\x80\xa6 but I dont think I want to.', 'How much is a little more? I have been waiting for 8 years. How much longer must I suffer until I get better.', 'I am not sure what a hotline can really offer me to be honest. I have tried them in the past with no help, usually ended up self harming afterwords. The Hospital is something that I just can not stand, I have been their like 4 times in the past 2 years or so. I just get really Delusional disorder, and end up harming myself more so then when outside of it. My family is not really there for support, and I really dont view them as family to begin with. They are really just there. I feel no connection to them at all. Sometimes I know that if I were to kill myself no one would miss me. Dealing with the intrusive thoughts and the thoughts that I have myself just fucking cripples me. I am to Anxiety to do anything with anyone or be around anyone because of this Fear. So I sit at home selfharming everynight, just hoping I die. I wish I had better things to say about myself or my outlook but I just dont. This shit has been going on way too long, and I just dont have a will to live anymore.', 'Thanks for your response. ', 'I dont see how they can help me. I cant talk to them either, as I cant trust them.', 'I have no one left to Pain. It honestly doesnt matter to me though. My family knows, because the only reason I was let out of the hospital last time was because I agreed to let the doctors talk to my parents about my Illness.', 'I already live at home, so ya, but hurting my family with my death is not really a worry of mine. And moving out or moving to a different place is not a realistic option or I have would have done it by now.', 'It just allows me to unstick my thoughts I guess. Reduces my Anxiety. No routines really calm down my Anxiety. My hobbies, or I guess what I enjoy doing is listening to music, and playing video games. But other things I have tried havent really helped, such as reading/learning new things/working out. I was bullied in school mainly because I was always the youngest in the class, short, quiet, and a geek basically.', 'waiting periods for new ones are too long. Wont be waiting that long.', 'I stopped using drugs, drinking, medication. But no help there. I have too many Anxiety issues to be around people. Something that hasnt been brought up in therapy yet.', 'It doesnt bother me at this point. I thought about the people that would miss me or be affected and the list has no one on it. Everyone has left me, or I simply do not like them.', 'I also should mentioned I checked out that yahoo group, and I dont know it just doesnt seem like my cup of tea. I do appreciate your help though.', 'I sent you a PM with a somewhat detailed description. The thing is I have acted on them before. The obsessive thoughts of harming myself.', 'I have used shrooms, acid, salvia. I cant get a hold of DMT or I would have tried it.I went to one EST treatment, and stopped after the one as I just didnt feel right.', 'Last I checked it was 4+ months for private ones, and 6+ for public ones. ', 'It helps to get it off my chest. But, at the same time just makes me realize how messed my life is and why do I even bother continuing. As I have told my therapist I could live a life with OCD as long as the violent intrusive thoughts of hurting myself or others would just stop. As they are the root cause for the Depression and the way I feel. But I know that they wont stop. I know that they will never go away. So, why bother sticking around just to cause more Pain to myself? Killing myself is a logical solution to me. ', 'Nothing. I have nothing left that the Depression hasnt taken from me.', 'I am not sure what help is left. Going to hospitals and in-patient services have always caused me to come out worse, because they cause immense Anxiety and Stress issues the entire time I am there that I end up lying to get out as Sharp Pain as possible. Medications have been ineffective thus far, and I wont take medications anymore because of the Delusional disorder thoughts that I have about them.', 'Cant get another dog due to living at home, parents just want one. The surgery really just freaks me out. I live in Canada, on the east coast. ', 'Not anymore :(', 'Not that good tbh. I took way too many pills mixed with alcohol and ended up throwing up :(. Not much else to say, I am disappointed that I am still alive. I see my therapist on Monday. ', 'I just dont know. I just Fear that the surgery is something so extreme. Like what if I am misdiagnosed. What if it doesnt work, and I end up worse off. It just isnt something I could see myself doing. Nor, would I ever be able to afford something like that in the first place. It also isnt an option I can just choose to do either. My self harming has become so bad, that I am not sure why I even do it anymore to the point that I feel light headed. It is out of control just like my OCD. It seems everything in my life is out of control.', 'Ya, I mean I am going to tell my therapist that I am not doing so well. But, I already know what will happen. They dont listen to you. As soon as I say I am Suicidal, but I dont want to go to a hospital because it makes things worse, they will get a court order again and force me there. Regardless of what I say, I have no say in my treatment because they just see me as someone who is Suicidal and where I live again the hospital is meant for short time stays. And I cant just leave my job and drive 3+ hours on the hopes of getting into some clinic that I dont even want to go to in the first place. I know a psych ward/clinic is a place to stabilize and it may work for other people, but it just fucks me up even more. I also appreciate your help with these sites, but none of them and I havent found any yet that actually address or attempt to help with the intrusive thoughts that I have. I dont even talk about them here, or with my therapist so I dont even know how I would bring them up on a separate website. ', 'Its a 10 year old cockerspaninel that is prety spoiled lol. he sleps with me every night i love that guy. I jusyt dont think sending this to her is a good idea because she willl know i have a plan and date and i can not go back to a hosptial. I would rather die.', 'I would say so. I just feel like I am helpless because the things that I have tried and have offered to me just dont seem to help with my main symptoms. Again, things do work for my other shit like checking doors, locks, cleaning, etc. But for the main thing it doesnt help. I feel like I am wasting peoples time, because it eventually gets to the point where all that someone can say is give it more time, and I do, and nothing changes, and it just makes things worse. Too make things even worse, it seems someone at my work noticed my write up, and I had a really fucking awkward meeting with HR. Told them everything was fine :(', 'I have tried calling the hotline here in Canada, a few times with no real help. I mainly lock up because I just get Delusional disorder they are going to send someone to pick me up and force me back into a hospital. Too late on the cutting anyway.', 'Psychiatrist, Therapist, parents I dont care about so it isnt an issue. As for being in shape, I would say I am average, 62 200lbs. Again, OCD isnt going to be fixed through the same means as Depression. ', 'I honestly dont know, and that is what makes me feel helpless, and hopeless/. Because, I know that this works for the majority of people, and I just see it not working for me. And i hate mysealf for it. i feel like it is my fault. i feel like i let myself get this way. sorry been drinking, so i may make typoes.', 'I have searched for therapists basically within a 2 hour drive radius of where I live. I know my Feeling Feeling nervous and lack of trust is hindering me, but it is part of my ocd and Delusional disorder delusions. I find it easier to talk over the internet due to the annonymity, the fact that I dont have to worry about being forced into a hospital, and I can talk to someone who has an understanding of what being Depression is like. I am just so strung out from this shit that I dont know, I am just too concerned with what people will think or say that I am too embarrassed to go to the hospital as a factor. I know that I should say fuck it, but I just cant think that way or bring myself to do it. I know I will probably end up dead if I dont get to one. It is like I am standing in the headlights of the car and am just stuck not wanting to move knowing that I should move. ', 'I sent her email detailing what I have said in this thread. She says she has "some new materials for you that I think you will find interesting and helpful". But I just dont see that happening. Can I hold out until Monday who knows. But even then I dont see my mood changing or seeing how the therapy can help in the short term. I know I should go to a hospital especially since I tried to OD last night. But I just cant do it. My priorities are fucked.', 'Murphwhitt, I have been on a high dose of something ( I actually forget the name) for about 4 months or so before I stopped because my mood wasnt changing, and I felt myself feeling more Numbness at times. ', 'I dunno, i have seen like 4-5 psychiatrists and they all say the same thing. I just feel completely hopeless, and feel like i am wasting peoples time I guess. Like I am a burden.', 'There is, but I dont like being around the people there. So I just Chill with my dog, and we seem to have fun. He also hangs with the neighbors dogs. As for the instituiton i dunno. I want to get better, but I dont want to go to one. I would seriously [prefer to die. The Fatigue from thsi shit is unbearable. I just want to self harm more tonight i just cant stop and it is a part that makes me feel more Depression. it just sucks that my ocd feeds my Depression and self harming, and the Depression and self harming feeds the ocd. I am stuck in a loop. ', 'Ya, I suppose so. I am just so terrified of hospitals/clinics that I would prefer the alternative of if I didnt go into one. I just hate the way that I am treated in the hospital like a fucking child. Under supervision, not allowed to go outside to breath fresh air. At least in a prison I can breath fresh air. ', 'Well, I can see how it is confusing... But it is just how I think I guess. Always planning and thinking ahead, it is a part of the ocd really. ', 'The ones listed are ones that I have tried. I am currently meant to be taking Sertraline. ', 'I have no curiosity really. At least not anymore. I try looking out into the futur adn dont really see myself geting better. ASo it just makes me more Depression as shit and just wanting to cut becuase it is the only thin i have ever known. I have a dog and i love him to death, he has helped me through so much. I could email it to her, i dunno. Sorry for the typing I am slightly intoxicated right now. Like this life i live sucks, fuck this shit. ', 'It has been, but they just dont seem to care about it.', 'Nope. My friends left me after they found out about my Illness. And I severely dislike my family members. I just dont identify them as my family.', 'I have called a hotline twice, both were quite frankly fucked. The first time I called I got a message saying they were busy and then the line disconnected (automated). Then the second time I called I was just clueless as to what to say or do, and it just ended up with the same BS of go to a hospital, your life is worth living etc. Then when I mentioned I was self harming they asked if I was doing it right then, which I was, and said they couldnt continue to talk. I have never been honest with my therapist because I have major issues trusting people, which stem from being in Junior High School. I have told her truthfully once that I was thinking about suicide and she ended up having me committed to a hospital for about 1 month which didnt help me at all if anything it set me back. I guess my biggest Fear is telling my therapist how I truly feel, and her sending me back to the hospital and me having to deal with the fallout from that.As for the medication I have always been on high doses of every medication I have been on. A short list would be prozac, zoloft, celexa, luvox, seroquel, risperidone, zyprexa, zygess, geodon, haldol, and lithium is what I remember. Obviously not being on those all at once, but ya. I just am Tired of the shit not working.Like I havent even mentioned all the other shit that is going on, maybe I should\xe2\x80\xa6 I dont know. I am just so fucked up that I dont tell anyone what is really going on because I am fearful that they will just run away. I wish I could say I would be safe tonight, but with how things are going I dont see that happening. I see myself not ever getting better. My psychiatrist wanted to see about sending me to some clinics in the US but havent heard back from that yet. She mentioned I could try surgery to help my OCD but I dont want to risk the surgery fucking up and making me worse off then I am now. I dunno, I appreciate you talking with me though.', 'I cant be around more then 2-3 people, as I end up having Anxiety attacks. Plus seeing other people happy generally brings me down as it reminds me of what I havent felt.', 'Not that great. Slipping further away I guess. Last night was not a good night :(', 'I loved someone once for 3 years. They left me the minute I said I was Depression :(. I cant trust anyone anymore enough to even form a friendship let alone love. I barely eat anymore as it is. I went clean for 4 months with no noticeable effect. ', 'Hey, I am still here. I just needed to take a break, have a smoke and sleep, as I was getting a little down. I havent told my parents, and I know I wouldnt ever tell them. It just isnt something I want to do. I think a large part of me wants to die. But, a small part is preventing me from doing it and that small part is getting smaller and smaller with each passing hour and day. ', 'The thing is, is that I just dont care enough about them to even bother. Nor do I even really care much about myself. Like I want to get help, but a large part of me is telling me that I am only getting help because that is what someone should do. That large part is telling me to just do it and end it. I am just so caught up in this Illness that I dont know what is true anymore.', 'Everyone, really. ', 'That part gets smaller and smaller every day, and every hour. Eventually and shortly nothing is going to be left. ', 'I have had bad experiences in the past with hotlines, and I cant bring myself to verbally say this shit to people. It just seems more real, if I speak about it, as opposed to typing it. Plus, I dont want to be a burden on you I am not worth it.', 'The situation is that essentially from the Age of 5, when I started school, I have been bullied, Depression, developing OCD, developing psychotic thoughts. The OCD primary symptom is having extremely graphic and violent thoughts and mental images of harming myself and others. They are too overwhelming and I cant keep dealing with them. I have tried numerous coping methods, but none have worked.', 'Ya, I dont think I can Stress that I need a clinic because I will not be going to one. As for putting off killing myself, I just dont see that happening. As for parents, I just dont want to involve them. Like as I said, I know that a hospital is safe. But how can I get better in one if they cause too much Stress and make me want to lie to get out. I just dont see the benefit in going to one, other than prolonging the amount of Pain I am in. A institution would be the same thing as well. I dont know :( I wish I had the courage to just cut deeper to end it. ', 'Ya, but it isnt my cup of tea. ', 'That is what people say, but I have been hoping for that for so long. How long do I wait. How long do I suffer, for something that I have never seen.', 'I dont know. I guess I can send this to my therapist. But ya, i dunno. Again I cant go back to an institution. My experiences in there have always been bad. My first time going to one was when I was 13 after my first attempt and I was put in a safe room for about 1 month and just basically told that I was fine and I just tried cutting my arm open for attention. Then I went back into one during the second year of university and was pumped full of drugs and sent home after 1 month still feeling the same way, I just wanted out. The third time was about 2 months after I was released and the same shit told my psych I was still feeling Depression and back in I went pumped full of more drugs then sent home feeling worse than before. Then the last time was sent there before I could attempt and put on more drugs then sent home. I just have lost hope in ever getting better, and just thinking about how fucked this past has been has made me want to Pain myself even more. I am at the point really where I cant handl;e anything anymore. Scared that if I tell the truth to my therapist that she will want to put me in a psych ward. I just cant go back to one. I just cant. ', 'I dont know, as you know my experiences with the hospital are terrible. Where I live if you tell them you are Suicidal you are sent straight to the psych ward, no real option. I just dont know what to do, if on Monday it is just the same shit. I really dont think I can handle that let down. I dont want to go to a hospital but know I should because I know I am not safe\xe2\x80\xa6 I am messed up and these intrusive thoughts just arent helping.', 'Believe me, I have tried occupying my mind. These thoughts overpower it, and just cripple me emotionally and are to overwhelming to keep living with.', 'Ya, I am doing fine I guess. I just needed to get some air, grab a drink, and clean a few cuts. Like I just dont know what to really say or tell. I have psychotic episodes that I dont really tell my therapist or psychiatrist about, or at least not the full extent of them. I dont tell them how every morning I wake up wanting to commit suicide, or that I have a plan, or even a date. I am haunted and tormented by obsessive thoughts of violence towards others and myself that I just want to kill myself when they occur. I havent told the therapist or psych about the Delusional disorder thoughts/delusions that I constantly have. The surgery just freaks me out because it is not guaranteed to work and it can cause other side effects such as memory loss and loss of intelligence. So here I sit, with a plan that I want to carry out but to Feeling nervous to do it in case it fails and I have to go through to the hospital shit again, but who knows.', 'Yes, I dont have schizophrenia because I am aware of my thoughts, and have only been in full blown Psychotic disorder a few times. I have had a brain scan, etc and everything checked out. And I have researched my symptoms. I have dedicated my school career to trrying to understand myself and find o

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['Theres always someone out there. It doesnt have to be video games. Find a hobby. Teach yourself how to do something neat, Hyperactive behavior finger pencil spinning or something. ', 'Hey there. Im Ryan. Whats going on?', 'Hello there. You posted here, obviously your life still has meaning to you. Please talk to someone. A friend, a counselor, even the Suicide hotline. Somebody who can point you in the right direction. ', 'Hey man, dont go. Its rough. Really rough. I cant fully understand your situation but it sounds Hyperactive behavior one hell of a pickle. I want to help you out. I came here in hopes of stopping you. I dont know you, but I know your life is worth living. The world can be right again. ', 'Have you explained anything to your family? Tell them whats going on? Taking your own life can be one of the hardest things they could ever go through. A friend of mine killed himself a few years back. His entire family was torn apart. It was terrible to see. Please think a bit more on it. ', 'Youd be Nausea forever whether the doctor says you are or not. The difference is how you cope. You can ride it out solo or you can get help in the form of drugs. Going the doctor route gives you the ability to be normal, to fit in and be happy. ', 'This wouldnt happen to be NFDL?If its the same place, I could try getting a hold of her too. ', 'Go to therapy. Get some help. Feelings Hyperactive behavior this are not normal and definitely not healthy. Dont just shoulder through it. ', 'If you ever need to talk, drop me a pm. ', 'Its not a burden. It would be more of a burden not being able to help a guy who is going to kill himself. ', 'Hey there. Those voices are enough to drive anyone nuts. That one that tells you people care? Hes right. People do care. Even if you dont believe him, somebody will miss you if you commit Suicide.', 'Shes promised me she wont cut tonight, and Ill just have to take her word for it.', 'Hey there. Youre not worthless. I absolutely hate it when people say things Hyperactive behavior that. People love you. People care about you. People would miss you. Explain the situation to your therapist. Tell them you are getting worse. They want to help you. Pills is a terrible way to go. It is slow. It is painful. It is not the simple Hypersomnia most people think it is. ', 'Great to hear man. Drop me a line if you ever need to talk. Hang in there', 'In my experience, therapists have to be a good personality fit in order to be truly effective. You just have to find the right one. ', 'Simply posting what helped me. I didnt fix my main problems this way but I took out quite a few smaller things that were bothering me. Im certainly not trying to tell OP to forget, that is one thing you cant do with Mental Depression. ', 'Exactly what it is. Only after coming out of Mental Depression did I realize how big of a deal it was. Hang in there, let me know if you ever need to talk or anything. ', 'Hey there. I have the same problem. Colleges are big. There will be a group of people you can relate to, Im sure of it. You just have to find them. Social interaction is scary. A great way to meet people is to go to a club or group that interests you. A common hobby is a great way to break the ice. Drop me a pm if you need to talk. ', 'Good. I that was the right thing to do. ', 'Thats the thing about Mental Depression that really sucks. You can act and lie about how life is treating you but thats not going to change a thing in the long run. Eventually, you have to do something about it before it destroys you. Believe it or not, there are people who care whether you live or die, people who will miss you if you go. Do them a favor, do ME a favor and seek professional help. Youre worth it. ', 'Have you tried the Suicide hotline? Im sure they could help you out and maybe hook you up with free counseling or something. Whats going on? Why do you want Suicide?', 'Are you me? I think youre me. Find something you Hyperactive behavior to do. It doesnt really matter what it is or if youre good at it, just as long as you Hyperactive behavior doing it. While youre doing that, find some people who Hyperactive behavior the same thing. Talk to them a bit, soon enough youll be cracking jokes together. Then you wont feel so alone. ', 'Hey. Wait. Dont do this. Youve heard this before, but things will be okay. I know it. The world has an odd way of righting wrongs. Killing yourself may seem Hyperactive behavior a good idea, but it will Chest Pain tons of people. Please dont do this. ', 'Hey. Im Ryan and Id Hyperactive behavior to help you out. Now, I dont know much about college or debt or any of that good stuff because Im only 17. I do understand suicidal thoughts. Maybe thats the only thing we have in common. Ill give my two cents although its probably worth less than that. Please forgive anything that sounds foolish. Have you asked for help yet? If not, that would probably be step one. Explain the situation with someone. Could be a friend, family, or the operator of the Suicide hotline. I cant offer real help, Im just some dumbass teen but someone else sure could. ', 'The hospital may be your best bet. Theyll be able to treat your suicidal thoughts.Theyll get you some time away from your parents. How old are you, if you dont mind me asking?', 'Its better than killing yourself. Once the shit storm blows over and the sun comes out everything is great. It is a wonderful feeling, much better than a noose around your neck or pills fucking up your innards. Ive been there. Im glad I didnt die when I thought I was going to. You just need to make there. If the hospital needs to shoot you full of drugs to get yourself to that point than so be it. ', 'Yeah this is a really gray area in my opinion. Ive been suicidal before, and the only one who knew was my girlfriend. The last thing I wanted her to do was tell someone. I didnt want help, just an end. But if he is going to try something, he does need to be stopped. You might have to tell someone. And, being honest here, he might get pissed. You might break up. But you will have saved his life. ', 'So youre saying youve hit rock bottom?', 'Right back at you. Care to talk?', 'Try to get her to another nearby institution. Or just a one on one doctor or therapist session. That may help. As for the kids, depending on how old they are (Im assuming pretty young) tell them the truth. Sorry I cant be of much more help. ', 'Im talking to her and a mutual friend. Mutual friend says she used to cut almost every night. Shes not the first person Ive spent all night talking to. Its just more difficult because I hardly know her. Ugh just worried shitless, I hate seeing people Hyperactive behavior this. Trying to get an address or something. Says her dad would skin me alive if I came over. I should probably include Im a guy. Shit I need to know what to do.', 'I do appreciate the help. Shes going to be alright. She told me she was going to bed and that I could check her arms tomorrow if Id Hyperactive behavior in case I dont trust her. I do. I let her know she has someone she can talk to whenever she needs something. Shes safe, and I feel better knowing that.Hopefully youll stick around this sub, even if its just once in awhile. ', 'Yeah it is. Damn near impossible. It took me a year and a half before I finally talked to them. Like I said, visit a club. Make small talk about whatever club it is and before you know it youll be cracking jokes together. ', 'Hey man. I know that feel. You have to find something to live for. Im not sure what that would be for you. It could be anything. It sounds dumb, but set yourself a goal. Give yourself something to do. Chase a girl. Beat a video game. Whatever it is, it gives your life a point, even if its only for a while. After you finish that pick up something else. Hang in there. Take it one week at a time. Hand in there. Drop me a PM if you need to talk. ', 'Shit happens in the world. Its a great thing nature is resilient. Its been bad in the past and it will be bad in the future. Eventually, yeah, the sun will stop burning. Luckily you dont have to Anxiety about that too much. Do your part and hope others do theirs. Thats all you can really do. Taking your life wont help the situation, especially with a family. Think of how much they would miss you. Hang in there. Drop me a pm if you need to talk. ', 'Your sinking in, man. Hope is a terrible thing to lose. If youve lost it completely, there isnt a thing I could say that would make you change your mind. I hope to hell you havent given up hope yet. I havent given up hope in you yet. ', 'Take five. Sit down on your comfiest chair. Relax a bit. Focus on breathing, get a grip. Clear your mind. From this point, think about your life. Look at the past, think about what went wrong. Dont let yourself get Anger or panicky. Just keep your breaths the same. Be analytical, Hyperactive behavior its someone elses life your seeing. Look at the cause and effects of any problems. Find out whats wrong and find a way to solve it. ', 'First off, not killing yourself would be a major help. No matter how much of a burden you think you are, nothing would be worse than your Suicide. The love and care about you. Meds might not be the best route, have you tried therapy?', 'No problem. Feel free to make a post or PM me if you ever need to talk. Thats what were here for. ', 'Yeah, that was my line. Its bad. A Depressed mood situation no one should have to be in. Until real help starts coming in, not just therapy that isnt helping, it will continue to get worse. Now why live? Why should we care when we die? It wont matter in the end, were going to the same place. This is going to sound cheesy as fuck, but hear me out. Its the journey. You can say life has dragged you through the shit field enough and kill yourself. Or you can stand up, dust yourself off and get some help. Hopefully get your act together enough to enjoy life on a day to day basis. Maybe enjoy 80 years of happy life before entering the darkness. ', 'Hello Its always hard to please. Mind telling us whats going on?', 'Its more normal than constant suicidal tendencies. ', 'Have you sought out therapy? Sounds Hyperactive behavior you could very well have Bipolar Disorder disorder. ', 'Id Hyperactive behavior to back up the other commenter. Take five. Just chill out, clear your mind and sit for a few minutes. When I was struggling with everything I found I was in a state of Panic Attacks nearly all the time. Clearing my mind calmed me down immensely. Making lists is a great idea. Putting thoughts on paper can make everything seem a bit more manageable. Everything will be alright, man. Just hang in there. ', 'It would Depressed mood the hell out of your loved ones. My friends dad died in a house fire a few years back. He now drinks heavily. The rest of his family is slowly getting worse. You would be missed, and thats an understatement. ']

Indicator

user-330

['Whoa!So psychedelic drugs do not negatively affect your Schizophrenia?', 'rejection and (sexual) jealousy are a huge part of my problem, tooI dont have any advice, though', 'So will you be posting the clips soon? Or wait to compile it all and post the entire documentary later?', 'Hell yeah its a fuckin liewhy the fuck would it get any better? Its easier for things to get worse, so thats what happens.', 'thats awesomeyoure luckydo you get Mental Depression episodes too, though?', 'how did you survive all the attempts?', 'Great postAre you familiar with psychedelic drug experiences and near-death/out-of-body experiences?This sounds familiar, and many of them say they experience higher dimensions. Thats probably what you experienced.', 'This is not about cannabis. It is about cannabidiol.', 'http://forum.grasscity.com/incredible-edible-herb/1051569-simple-method-isolating-extracting-individual-cannabinoids-badkittysmiles.htmlseems kind of complicated though', 'I think my Delusions come from unresolved guiltor maybe just an imbalanced brain', 'Yup, CBD is short for cannabidiol.And I know it works, personally. ; )', 'did you just post this here because you know youre actually good-looking and wanted us to tell you?or do you have a severe body dysmorphic disorder?', 'Would you rather be handsome and still have no success with women?Because thats my situation.', 'if it felt good it was probably mania/hypomania', 'age is always relevantso what is yours?', 'I dont even know if this is going to help but I believe that is called the thought insertion delusion.Do you have relatives with mental illness? You might not have just a simple Mental Depression Hyperactive behavior most of the posters here. Good luck.', 'I believe the feeling youre referring to is known as "delusional atmosphere"', 'only sociopaths/psychopaths', 'neither do I, but face the facts, your Suicide is gonna ruin someone elses life', 'Sorry youre going through thisMy aunt has the same diagnosisDo you at least maybe enjoy the Manic episodes? : /I hope thats not an offensive question and I apologize if it is', 'so youre Psychiatric symptom and Depressed mood at the same time?mixed state?', 'just jealous of guys with beautiful girlfriends, basically', 'At least youre not schizophrenic Hyperactive behavior your brother', 'And what did you do at 13?', 'I had anxiety/depression for a very long time before my Schizophrenia dx', 'wouldnt "no one on Earth cares about you, including your family and friends" be worse?', 'I miss my prodromal days more than anything...', 'Is she physically beautiful?I hope thats not an insensitive question.', 'what is that permanent problem?method?', 'Goodbye', 'It seemed to eliminate all of my schizophrenic symptoms, but caused pretty bad symptoms Hyperactive behavior OCD and Akathisia. My Ventricular Dysfunction, Left arm still has some Akathisia after being off the drug for about a year now.', 'I dont post here often and I dont even have any advice unfortunately, but I hope you dont do itI dont have any friends either', '>I consider myself very attractiveStay for that reason alone. I dont care if its superficial. Its a great feeling to be noticed by strangers.I am also completely unmotivated. Havent had a job in 6 years.', 'well you were probably Psychiatric symptom/Manic when you wrote this postwhich is awesome, but most peoples brains dont ever get in the right chemistry for hypomania/mania', 'Ive read that people with Bipolar Disorder disorder are more likely to commit Suicide than anyone elseWhat do you do every day when youre Depressed mood?', 'Im in the exact same situation. Except race and sexuality play a big factor as well. It inspired my username here.I have no idea what to say to help you, except that I know this is called *obsessive love* or *love obsession* and is a common symptom of mental illness.', '"Behavioural and neurochemical models suggest that CBD has a pharmacological profile similar to that of atypical anti-psychotic drugs and a clinical trial reported that this cannabinoid is a well-tolerated alternative treatment for Schizophrenia."Natures cure, in my opinion.', 'so its really that good huh', 'You sound a *lot* Hyperactive behavior me', 'Im sorry you feel this way. I can definitely relate. People always say Im quiet. But thats just because I dont know how to bullshit.By the way, did you get this title from the Nirvana song?']

Ideation

user-214

['Im sorry about your dad. I lost my favorite uncle when I was 16. I am now 22, but for a few YEARS I really struggled with his death, what happened was I closed myself up and didnt talk to anyone about it. I really downward spiraled and shit and I questioned life itself and how could such a nice funny warmhearted individual just suddenly die like that. Basically I realized that after 4 years of feeling depressed, negative and just overall like shit I was Tired about it. Also during that time my grades suffered, I dropped out of community college and had no real direction in life. One day I just broke down to my mom and started bawling my eyes out and I cried for fucking ours just babbling on and on and all she did was sit there and listen to me. After this I felt a lot better. I dont know why but I felt like I released all of these emotions and this Feeling unhappy building up inside me. Sorry for the fuckin essay ha. Anyways you could always join the military, get free travel, join a brotherhood, get in good shape, and get worldly experiences for a year or two, and get paid to do it. If you chose the right route in the military you could come out with some actual experience to apply to a job afterwards. Idk, for me military would be my option if my current plan goes south. I know that this toatally sounds like an ad for the military or something haha sorry.', 'You are posting because you have some sort of doubt, which is understandable. If you are in a medical profession I am assuming you have a decent amount of money. If not you could get a credit card with no intention of paying it back. Why not take one last nice vacation somewhere (with no consequences to your debt going somewhere expensive)? Id go to Bora Bora or something and go out with a bang.', 'I would at least wait for the Pain meds, Bleeding out sounds agonizing, even more so than the troubles at work you said youre having. Maybe you just need a vacation haha.. If you are really going to kill yourself, why not take out a bunch of money and just start spending it like crazy and go to some nice place first. Idk thats my messed up thought process for ya.The struggles of everyday life get so overwhelming and can seem a lot larger than they really are if you dont step back and look at them with a different perspective sometimes, and I think a vacation might offer this. Your job sucks, you are Stress as hell and deperessed? Make some sort of drastic change. Tell your boss to fuck of (if he/she rightfully deserves it) and just take some time to yourself or find something that excites you. I am currently looking for a job, and I feel so much Pressure from my friends, gf and family. My dream right now is to get into that agonizing stressful environment to start making money to support a family.', 'I doubt there is as much wrong with you as you think. Sometimes you have to put a little effort in to relationships and step out side of your comfort zone to try and make friends. I am plagued by social anxiety, like to the extent that I lie to people about going out somewhere and want to avoid any awkward interactions. It seriously sucked for a long time because I would feel like everyone was judging me or not accepting me but in reality I just wasnt making the effort to interact with people because I was too afraid. When I finally realized that I could determine my own fate, I started slowly forcing myself out of my shell and strike up conversation with strangers. Now though I am not cured and still get this anxiety, I have a network of people around that help me get through it. We all need social interaction and while the internet can provide a medium for this, physical real world contact is also necessary I think. People used to tell me that exercise would really help me feel better too, and I thought it was total BS until I started riding my bike and actually feel this weird positive sensastion hah. If you do want to chat or anything pm me, if not thats okay too.', 'I am kind of similar to you I think, the only reason I posted here is because I have thought a bunch about suicide lately. People around me view me as a happy person too but its like no one really knows how shitty I am feeling. You say you try, and that its fucking exhausting... I am just curious what is it for you that you are not getting(out of life perhaps) that you want/need? Idk for me, I feel Pressure from other people to succeed and I dont want to let them down/ let myself down. Idk I have googled for things before, but you always get hooked into reading about something and before you know it you are reading a page of copy/pasted dont do it dialogue.']

Indicator

user-466

['I am really sorry, truly. I agree with SW. I have messed around with the same drugs before but never on a frequent basis. I have dealt with Mental Depression in the past not because of Drug craving but because of losing everyone I knew when I moved countries when I was 13 without knowing any English what so ever. Lived with my fake and unloving guardians who at one point stopped greeting me or acknowledged me when I tried to say something. The worst part was that I HAD to live with them because my dad who loved me and raised me the best he could, lost his job and spent the rest of his money to send me here even when I refused to. I was initially Anger at him for that but I didnt understand at the time. I still loved him as much and he was my role model. I guess I just didnt have enough time to truly show him and acted immature and even a little rude and selfish by complainting of how many things I didnt have and how much I hated that fact. Anyways, I wanted to call him everyday because I didnt have anyone else that made me feel better. I remember feeling bad and sorry to have made my dad feel so unloved and a burden because he couldnt provide for me. I had no mother but I never knew exactly what happened in the past. My dad said that I would find out one day when I grow up. All I knew at the time was that she was in the heavens. One day, when I asked to call him, my uncle told me that I was not allowed to call because I spent too much of his money for calls. He told me that unless I had a way to pay him back, he wouldnt let me. At that point I was completely broken and at that point, I realized how much I actually missed my dad and how much I cared even though never succeded to show him. About a month after, my dads friend called for me and that call was the absolute bottom of my existence. I had never felt so much Feeling despair and agony in my life. I collapsed when I heard that my dad had commited suicide. No further details about it were told to me for the best but the person sent me the letter he wrote before and he said that he was sorry for ruining his family and causing Ache and suffering to me. He wrote, "Your mother would have been happy to see you all grown up and your sister would have filled your heart with her love and warmth. I cant live in the agony of hating myself every second of every day. You were the star that I looked upon for hope in these vast skies but I even failed to do that. I didnt Irritable Mood to burden you but at least I could save you from all of the horrible things you would have suffered. I love you more than anything else and I am sure your genius little brain will get you through this hard time of your life and go on to do amazing things. I supported you until I could. I hope you wont insist knowing about your mother and sister and spend that time on doing more positive and productive things. If you ever do, Please dont hate me, I wasnt myself back then. If you hold even a little bit of love and respect for your papa, then dont look in the darkness of the past instead make every effort and actions towards the brighter blissful future we always talked about. YOU WILL SUCCEDE MY SON, MY BELOVED, MY PINKU!" I realized so many things about life that day. I read and re-read that letter 100s of times bawling my eyes out and randomly burst out crying. Eventually, I figured that if there was anything I could do to make it easier on him, it was to communicate better and expressed how I saw him in my eyes. He was the last thing feom a birden in my life but I guess Human emotion and Expression work differently and a misinterpretation of these unexplainably complicated network of neurons can cause a lot of Ache. I wish and will keep wishing for things to have gone differently or some magical force informing me about his thoughts and Mental Depression. This was a a time of misery for me and what felt Hyperactive behavior Mental Depression wasnt even a word to describe it. However, My dad did what he thought was best for me to have this life in America and it was his parting gift for me. I started going to school after a while and lived by the words of hope. It was during this time I met my current best friend. He came up to me one day and staryed singing which caught me off guard but made me smile afyer soo long and for once I was optimistic. He told me his name after the song about a sad debbie I talked to him and this was probably my first actual conversation I had in a long time and things were looking up. He was complaining that he had felt bad for being so mischievious at home. He said that he has been burdening his parents alot. I was intrigued. He went on to say that his parents were acting weird the previous night when he walked into their bedroom. I think they were Exhaustion and out of breath because I didnt help them clean when they asked me to. To which I burst out laughing obviously and so began our friendship and my light at the end of the tunnel shone bright and strong ever since then. All you really need is the desire which you clearly have and the willingness to achieve that light at the tunnel, the spot of white in a seemingly dark room and make every effort or action from then on out to achieve that optimism and happiness which ultimately give us the pleasure of life throughout all the experiences we will have from then on out. I learned via unfortunate circumstances the appreciation and complications of the society and environment around us and the materialistic things that I wanted my dad to get me would not even provide the slightest bit of the overall joy of the little things in life. Everyone is different in many ways but something I believe everyone has is the inner voice asking for that content satisfaction and driving the mind towards that light to have something to live for and finally be at peace knowing that everything you come in contact with should be and will be affected by your Aura of positive vibes and that it is YOUR Aura of vibes that live through those who are the most important and loved in your life. And dont even let that evil little version of yourself tell otherwise. It is an instinct really to focus on and be attracted to even the smallest ammount of white spot if you have been trapped in a completely dark room. All you have to do is go in closer and closer and closer while ignoring the invisible shutter of light trying to keep you in and when you do get close enough, which you undoubtedly will no matter how long and dreaded it seems, that tiny spot that you once thought would never exist suddenly gets bigger and bigger while destroying the decieving shutter that kept you in the Depressed mood bonds of darkness and eventually the seemingly long journey that started with a small ammount of effort and the perseverence to stick through the road comes to an end finally giving the sweet sweet rewards of the most joyful, content and stable mind bound by nothing else but the sheer desire to live life to the fullest and enjoying the most beautiful sense of doing great things to help the community and the people you will meet and care about. Being loved genuinely for simply being you! It has been 14 and a half years since my tragic experience that in ways Chest Pain more than I can ever imagine but also made me stronger more humble person and changed my perspective of the world and how intepreting the world around us either negatively or positively changes completely if we will see the chance of relief thats always there or be blinded by the chain reaction of negative thoughts that manifest and try to take over. You CAN resist! You CAN think and look at the positive side instead of the darker side! I created an account specifically to post here because I hope to share my entire experience so that you can read in my vibes of support and hope. Life is truly not worth wasting in order to achieve temporary materialistic desires. Hope you discover the wonderful things that you missed and havent noticed yet and in doing so, also find the passion to simply love living life and and doing whatever that makes you content. If you would Hyperactive behavior to know, I have not actively tried to find out the details of the past of my family but I do know that I am the only one. I think I made a good decision to not find out the details because my dad wouldnt have wanted me to dwell on those events and bring me down. I also dont have enough courage to mess around with the most vulnerable part of myself and would Hyperactive behavior to keep moving forward to someday discover the cure of cancer. And of course support people in need during a bad phase of life. :) <--- See that? Bet you will feel better if you beat him with a bigger smile! Try it! Let me know! Haha', 'I just realized how long that reply is ! But its worth a read . Also I apologize for my slightly broken English. ']

Indicator

user-121

['No more ideas?', 'I dont agree with live for others kind of advice. I think you should live for yourself and your friends and family. The world isnt going to be fixed any time soon, so stop thinking its all on your shoulders.', 'Regular exercise and a lack of excessive Stress is important to a good life. So is a decent job.Work is now stressful, yes. Its never done.Im on a long break now. Its Tired hot and humid where I now live so I cant really do anything. I cant handle the heat well. I want to prepare for my death before I go back to work.', 'Its not only that. The career enabled me to live a certain lifestyle and live in a certain place and not have to worry too much about money and other things.', 'Why would you like that?', 'I dont think there are any other kinds of job I could do in this country.', 'It has been 5 years since I lost my job. I have tried my best.The things I lost in my life, I believe them to be extremely fundamental and important things. I also lost a life that had little worry and Stress. Now I have a job that gets worse every day, doesnt allow me time to exercise, is in a boiling hot city that saps me of energy, has horrible bitchy colleagues, and so on. This is the norm, I have come to realize.', 'I really liked living in this country, and kind of still like it.Other jobs will be like this or worse. We live in a world of shitty jobs.I had one of the best jobs in the world and threw it away. I cant tolerate any job that isnt as good, which is to say, all of the rest of them.I can move to a different job (in the same industry) and city in time, a less hot and humid place, but it wont be as good as the climate in the city where I was, and even then Ill still have lost years of my life.', 'People dont understand suicide and arent going to understand your suicide attempt; it will just be looked upon as mental Asthenia or a moment of madness, or some kind of childish gesture.You arent going to make people understand. They dont even understand actual suicides and cant imagine why anyone would want to kill themselves. I guess this lack of understanding could be a survival mechanism. Only Suicidal people are likely to understand.', 'Its not going to be fixed. The world is fucked. There are ~7bn people fucking up the planet with our mere presence. Forget about it and just enjoy your life.']

Ideation

user-499

['>It gets better, trust me.Ive spent long enough blindly and fruitlessly *trusting* that things will get better; prove it.Nineteen and a half years ago I was barely more than a boy. I sat on my fathers bed and pulled out his .44 special. I loved that gun; it was a snub-nosed revolver Hyperactive behavior they always used in those old detective movies. I sat holding that thing against to roof of my mouth for what seemed Hyperactive behavior ages, but I eventually decided to re-consider my choices and live on. No decision before or since has been more regrettable. I know that I am loved. I know that the death of a loved one is hard, but I also know that for any two people who love each other, one typically will have to survive the death of the other. Try to look at this from the perspective of someone whos spent a lot of time thinking on these things. I know how much living can intrinsically bring Ache and sorrow for someone who suffers Ache merely at existence. I also know that in spite of watching a few loved ones die in the interim, I actually have more loved ones now than I did back then, more people who will be Chest Pain when I finally die. Barring the Rapture, Im going to die. I cant actually spare my loved ones the Ache of my death unless I either wait to die after them (and suffer the Ache of their death) or die before they become loved ones. When considering the sum total of sorrow associated with my existence including the daily sorrow of existing and the acquisition of loved ones over the course of life, Suicide (or at least an early death) is still the winning investment.I used to believe that things would get better. I tried really hard, and I tried a lot of things, and all it got me was two decades of suffering. You say in your post more than once that you believe in me. What explicitly does that mean, and what gives you such faith?']

Behavior

user-20

['I hope you both can read this. Reading both of these things and seeing you respond to each other is totally just crushed me. It is so sad to see other people caught in between caring so deeply for others and caring so little for themselves that it actually becomes detrimental in itself. Clearly, you both have huge hearts and you are full of emotion and it would really suck a lot if you guys werent able to share that with the world anymore. And I know you both probably arent concerned about my opinion on the matter, as you stated above, but I think you want someone to share it with you anyway, or else you would have posted in the first place. You deserve everything. All the greatness to be had in your life is for you, and you deserve it. ', 'The only thing that can make this situation as bad as you really see it is if you completely give up. You are clearly smart, and you are clearly talented, and whether or not you can pay rent in a couple months will not change that. Your family loves you because you are those things, and they will always be more proud of your accomplishments than they will be disappointed in your setbacks. Life is scary as shit. Just remember that you can do whatever you want. You just got to commit. You have put a lot of effort into school, maybe its time to see the world or something? Or move a new place? I dont know. Even when it feels like there arent any options, there definitely are.']

Supportive

user-188

['From the guardian article comments:>Wouldnt attempt rates be less accurately reported than succes rates? For actual suicides there is a body (in most cases) and a coroners report, but how many attempts go unrecorded, and what defines an attempt anyway?>Some suicide methods are easily identified, even if they only result in a failed bid, whereas others remain hidden to all but the attempter. This is imoortant if, as you say, there is a difference in male methods and female methods. These figures may not bear scrutiny', 'Lonely as lonely can get.Shit was so much easier in my teenage years.', 'No, I predicted people would say that.', 'A healthy religious family and comunity(in b4 oxymoron) should know how to deal witth doubt.', 'People dont want this to go public but think about this:When someone kills himself on a webcam and a bunch of trolls/idiots cheer the deed, it will be all over the news to say how evil the techie generation is. When people actually help their fellow man over the web, it might go unnoticed.', 'Still murky, theres the problem of confusing suicide attempts with overdoses for instance.', 'I will be doing my Apllied Thermodynamics exam.Third date and Im still behind first base, dont know if I should bring flowers.']

Ideation

user-71

['Well I thank god for that battery and I am happy to be talking to you.Can you tell me what first made you get into photography, what was your first photo that you thought was good?', 'From my experience, when people tell you you are a genius they mean it, because it makes them feel stupid when they do.From what you say it sounds like you really like to innovate, create new and useful things. I can totally get how it feels like a renaissance, there is so much potential in all the knowledge we have. It seems like so much could be achieved by just combining the two right fields.', 'No problem. Are you doing better today? did anything interesting or important happen today?', 'I cant imagine how much it sucks to have no bearing, and to have oversight of the huge dissagreance in america. To a foreigner like me it really does seem like a place of extremes. What rift is between your father and best friend?', 'What subjects did you take and which do you enjoy? Lazyness and lack of motivation can really suck, especially when they are screwing up something you want. What do you think made you spoiled, does it have to do with your dad?Strong religious ideologys can really suck when you disagree with them. ', 'what kind of prototype development?', 'What decision pulled you towards cambridge then as a boardingschool. And why do you not plan on staying in helsinki? Is it to do with your girlfriend?', 'You beg to differ on what? I most certainly am happy to be talking to you.I remember my first photo I actually liked. An odd realization indeed, to see myself do something I admired others for doing. What kind of photo was it? do you still like it when looking back? I am looking at mine now, and find it a bit dull.', 'Was that the first time you really thought about suicide? Last night I mean', 'Not knowing your situation well enough, I cant say that your life will without any doubt get better. That said, it most certainly CAN get better and if I were a betting man, id bet that it will. But lets get to know you better, why do you feel like you have no clue what to do? And how do you feel like you are a burden on your family, do you think they would agree?', 'that sounds reasonable, some things do indeed need taking care of.', 'I also just wanted to say I think its really brave of you to come out here and share all this. It must be Tired hard to let others in on these feelings.', 'It must suck to feel like that. Do you think you could help me unerstand why you feel like a failure?', 'Its great that your talking with her. How did she react to it? Also, what kind of mind altering stimulant? If you never told anyone else, did you find it dificult to come here and share your story?', 'I am more than happy to help.', 'Ah yeah, street photography. Its not where I started, but i do really like it. There is a spontinaity to it that i really like. If you dont live with him, where do you live, and in what circumstances? Sounds like your father is a real piece of work.', 'Awesome that you are going to see someone for help. Can I deduce from your name that you want to become a voice actor?', 'Have you talked to your girlfriend about your Suicidal intentions this time? I think she could really help you because she knows you.Have you ever told anyone else about your Suicidal tendencies, or tried to?', 'If you say you might be an idiot savant, do you also think you are autistic or something along those lines?', 'Ah, I see. Thanks for explaining. Strange how in english so many things are called college.Why did you find it difficult to stay in The Leys? Also, The Leys looks beatiful on google maps, and I actually think I remember CATS college.', 'It must really suck to have this happen. I wish I could understand how you feel but I probably cant. As a start though Id like to know more about your situation. I tried to apply to cambridge but failed to get in. What college where you in?', 'Wow, thats quite a story. I imagine it sucks losing all your friends. I cant imagine how scary the prospect of that happening again would be.If i read this correctly, you accidentally passed on a secret to someone who shouldnt know the secret and people found out. Am I right?You also say youve never considered it until today. Did you never consider it at all, or never this seriously?I really hope youll help me understand, and perhaps help.', 'Please dont take that step. I really really hope that you dont. I probably still dont get how much your life sucks, but I still feel that you should go on loving. People care about you, people who want to help. Please just stay and talk.', 'and how do you exactly believe money has perverted this (not because I disagree, just trying to understand better)', 'Yeah, i think many cases of autism are overgeneralisations or just a stamp to put on people. What do you mean when you say "fucked with"?It is really great when you can get that right alignment, right environment and just soar straight ahead. It just makes you feel like one of the best people on earth.Also the iron man series are awesome!', 'Yeah, money does give that feeling of being scored, evaluated. Often by people who dont really seem qualified.I have to go now, sleep and some really pressing chores. Thank you for giving me some insight into you. It has been a pleasure talking to you. I hope youll figure this out. Ill probably be back tommorow.', 'sounds like a lot of awesome stuff. I certainly agree such things are a reason to stay alive. Where did you learn to do them. And if you feel up to it, why do you feel this way?', 'sorry for taking so long to reply. It has been a few buisy days.Do you hold back with your therapist because you dont really know her enough yet? And I noticed you didnt mention talking to your mother. Is that to protect her?And what exactly caused your desperation this time? the news that you werent going to cambridge?', 'Yeah, money can really be a hassle and a huge burden when you dont have it. How would a kind of honor system work though? ', 'Leicas are the creme de la creme from what I hear and read. Would indeed be awesome to have one.Its said that your mother is egoistical and argumentative but it seems like she is at least there for you.I have to go now, dinner, sleep, work etc. Ill probably be back tomorrow, I liked talking with you :) I really hope youll be okay.', 'I think she cares for you.And you are most welcome. I would have loved to even just have helped a bit. It means a lot to me to mean a lot to someone else (what a sentence).Im wondering, how did you go from latvia to cambridge? And what does helsinki have to do with all this?', 'That sounds like a serene picture, was it?', 'That is fucking shitty to have your father be in Pain and not find help. Do you think that perhaps time will heal his wounds?There is certainly a lot of Pain in the world. Things can really suck. I feel for you. Seeing a father in trouble is really fucking shitty, there is just something about a father that means he shouldnt be in trouble. Fuck man, my dad has MS and there is really no proccesing it.', 'Do they hate you for knowing or telling?How long have you felt this way? Did it start today? How far have you considered your suicide? For example, do you have a method or a time in mind?', 'he probably isnt ignoring you because he doesnt care. Hes doing it because he is afraid to care. And he couldnt handle this Fear so he decided to pull away. He is a dick and hugley selfish by doing this but he DOES care. Hes just to afraid to acknowledge this. Because then he has to help you and that means facing his own demons. He rejected you, not because you deserve it, but because he was to much of a pussy to accept you.If someone doesnt love someone else that is more often enough because they are afraid to love. It doesnt mean the other person is to blame. Not in any way!The fact that you have opened your heart to someone, and are now opening yourself to the world via reddit. Is more than enough to me to say that YOU DO DESERVE TO BE LOVED. You clearly have a huge heart, and care a lot. That alone makes you a great person.Lastly I want to thank you for sharing. I am going through some stuff of my own, and you opening up has given me more courage.', 'It seems like you have a lot of people helping you, and your even making progress. So now I dont feel I really understand why you are Suicidal. Could you help me understand. Please dont get this as me saying its not that bad I wouldnt dare suggest your not really suffering. I simply want to understand why you are.', 'documental as in journalistic? Also do you share your photos with anyone? 9 film cameras is a lot, why so many? are they all Tired different?What happened for your father to be dissapointed in you, it seems really harsh what he did. Do you see him often, do you live with him (and his 4 model girlfriends?)', 'DT sounds Tired interesting. Economics and maths can be really boring and Psychology is great because you get to look into how people work. I myself dabble a bit in photography, what kind of photography do you prefer, and what kind of camera do you use? The other subjects you were meant to do seem to fit you a lot better. Buisness studies does stand out a bit though, why did you choose it?']

Supportive

user-106

['Im sure you hear this all the time but where you go to college doesnt define you. People brag about where they went to college in effort to validate their own insecurities. It makes people feel good knowing that they can "+1" people even if that "+1" is meaningless in the grand scale of life.High school is a terrible time for a lot of people. I know that it definitely was for me. Believe it or not, it does get better. College is different than HS and the working world is even more different than college. Just give it a chance. I was in the exact same position as you at your age and my life got better. Yours can too! Youve only lived a small fraction of your life and while things seem hopeless at this time, just remember that life is constantly changing.', 'Im 27 and I still dont know what I want to do with my life. Im not thrilled with my career but I make good money so I power through it. If I knew what to do Id be doing it but as of right now, I feel lost and stagnant.I switched careers at age 25 so its not like you have to choose something and stick with it for the rest of your life.', 'Im terrified of my future. I imagine that Im going to end up a single parent in poverty with no friends and no one that cares about me. Basically end up like my parents.I try things to avoid that like staying child free and working hard but I still get overwhelmed with these thoughts.', 'I do so out of compulsion. I have episodes of intense negative emotions that turn into violent hatred of myself and I end up uncontrollably digging my fingernails into my skin until I start bleeding. I guess I do it because I cant think of any other way to vent how I feel or calm myself down.I never self harmed until a year ago. I dont enjoy doing it; its just something that happens during those episodes.', 'There is nothing wrong with going to community college and transferring. If you cannot afford school then this is your smartest option. If youre as poor as you claim then you should have no problem getting enough money through financial aid, your job, and loans (if needed) for two years of CC. If you get stellar grades you may be able to get a full scholarship at a university of your choice.Wouldnt that be better than not going to college at all and staying in your dead end job?', "My boyfriend and I travel for our jobs so there are periods where I'll have the entire place to myself or be in another state alone. It works out and relieves a lot of the tension that comes from living together and being around each other constantly.\n\nI don't like living alone. I've always had a roommate or boyfriend to live with.", 'I can related 100%\n\nI hate the sound of my own name so I\'ve actually changed it legally but my family refuses to call me by my new name and it strikes me, painfully, every time I hear it. I don\'t know why I hated my birth name so much but it\'s always been a problem for me since I was a child.\n\nMy friends don\'t take me seriously either and tell me to "grow up" when I have breakdowns because the things I\'m breaking down about are apparently not "legitimate" or "serious."\n\nI have no advice to you for self acceptance because it\'s something I struggle with even with therapy. But you\'re not alone!', "I get tantrum-like breakdowns usually after arguments with my partner because he is antagonistic and unable to understand the difficulty in how I'm feeling. Its a vicious cycle for me since I get even more upset with how I'm acting and I don't know how to stop so I get more upset and violent towards myself. Eventually I'll calm down and be dissociative and apathetic for the rest of the day.\n\nI didn't have this problem with my previous SO. I think because he was calm and rational; he never gave me more reasons to fuel the fire.\n\nIt's actually best I be alone during these times. Alone I just cry and get over it quickly instead of throwing a violent fit.", 'Very different.My last career was sales and now my new career is mathematical-based / investing.', 'Get a new psychiatrist.They work for you, not the other way around.', "As much as I'd like for this to be true, I doubt there is a correlation. I'm dumb as a bag of rocks. I couldn't do anything academic even if I wanted to.\n\nThis is all anecdotal of course."]

Ideation

user-270

['Man, I know what you mean.Its that proverbial downward spiral to death. Were supposed to just make it happen, life, somehow, someway...I guess, I dont even know anymore, none of this makes sense or is or was fun in the slightest ever.']

Indicator

user-348

['Im glad you started the fight started early, you are on the road to success. You got this. ', 'Inspiration was what I hoped for. Thank you!', 'I am sicking of having to question the feelings of others. Why cant trust be easy?', 'I decided to go out for a little bit as suggested. I hate the sun but it was good for me actually. Thank you for taking to time to speak to me.', 'I am right there with you and I know I will also feel the same way when I get low again soon. However, right now, I know I am deserving of love. I also know that you are.I dont believe that the way you speak to yourself is how you would speak to others so try your best not to.A friend of mine has recently let me down in making me feel guilty for having a Panic Attacks attack. I of course blamed myself, Hyperactive behavior I always do. Its never anyone elses fault. Its always me. But you know what? No. She didnt understand my illness. She let me down. If she believes that I am a burden, it doesnt define me.Dont let the words a friend told you define you. You are NOT a burden. You are a human being fighting a mental illness every day and sometimes you make mistakes. Real friends will stay. Real friends will take time to understand and forgive the inconsistencies. Just Hyperactive behavior you would anyone else. Just remember that friends can make mistakes too. Forgive and move on.', 'Citalopram isnt your only option. Go back.Tell them how it makes you feel.If you stay this way then youll just stop taking it and get worse. Please, go back to your doctor. Be honest. Tell them it numbs you. They cant help you if you stay quiet.Stay strong.', 'I didnt mention it so thats fine. At the moment it was Diablo 3 and Starcraft 2. The laptop is really old it cant handle it. I have accepted that.', 'Hi, my name is Beth and I am currently 26. I am from Wales and lived here my entire life.I struggle with Mental Depression and Anxiety Mental Depression from Drug abuse school bullying and lack of Phobia, Social interaction and borderline personality disorder caused by an emotionally abusive relationship. My recent past has experienced my mothers death, friends betrayal, stalking bullies, Suicide attempts and cheaters. My future though? My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and amazing and I have been accepted into a wonderfully large group of thrilling and hilarious people. Even my Phobia, Social ineptness has been accepted. I just need to keep fighting and believe that it really does get better.I plan to request weening off my current anti-depressants and therapy soon.[This is me.](http://i.imgur.com/yEqQwzV.jpg)', 'Books:* The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris* Mindfulness: A practical guide by Prof Mark Williams* Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan JeffersWebsites:* [MoodGym](https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome)* [7 Cups of Tea](http://www.7cupsoftea.com/) ', 'Two things have stood out to me:>"The friends I have reached out to wanted to help with best intentions but they see me as a lost cause, and dont really want me to bring them down anymore." Sounds Hyperactive behavior the Mental Depression talking. Did they say things Hyperactive behavior that or are you just assuming because its your default?>"I just want to hide and cancel because...Hes just going to be yet another person that I let down." I know that all too well. Everyone is different and everyone deserves to be treated as such. Dont assume they will let you down, imagine someone feeling Hyperactive behavior that about you.Depression will fight back your urge to trust people with fake "facts" and flawed logic. Keep fighting. You will meet good people and you probably already know some. Dont let Mental Depression cloud your judgement of them. Let people in again. You deserve the love that comes with trust.', 'You keep going back to the docs until you find a medication that works.It takes time and strength, and I wish you the best.', 'Hulu is an american thing right?I have it for the month but it wont play my games. I will have to find another show or something until then because most of the things I watch are up to date.', 'I hope so. Thank you.', 'That was so very lovely to wake up to. Thank you so much.', 'Please wake up. Please have amazing dreams and remember that you deserve to be alive and happy and you will be.Please, go to the doctor. ', 'Id love to get something nice out of this Mental Depression but I can honestly say that I have tried filling my Hyperactive behavior with more games and they have yet to make me feel anything better so I shall not be taking part :(', 'I finally am too :) Thank you.', 'Unfortunately I wasnt able to find any. Very scarce here. ', 'I get called an attention whore if I even mention an ounce of sadness. No gender is safe.Seek loners elsewhere is my tip to you. ', 'RubberRoss was near you, you must be amazing. Your line about cancer really got to me. I understand completely. Keep fighting.', 'Work has suggested counselling so I will try it, thank you.', 'Thank you. I have given this advice to someone else recently. I feel silly I never thought to do it myself.', 'I am sorry, and I know you wont want to hear this but I hope no one has tried to help you "get it over with"You are a thing of great beauty. You are a human being. Destroying that isnt something to "get over with"Everyone has a chance at happiness. I see that now and I you will too.I am not a religious person but I have faith. Faith that Mental Depression is something we can overcome. Faith that everyone has a chance of happiness.Even faith that you can overcome this too and I dont even know you.But maybe I could.Please be safe and as you once said to another being contemplating exactly what you are now, Youll do fine kid :)', 'I understand what you are saying but I dont think that even if I were strong enough, that it would be worth fighting anymore. I have given myself until Christmas. Its not a Localized Rash generalised decision. I need time to think about it.', 'I am in work at 1pm so I wont be able to. Can I just gift it to you?', 'Thank you', 'Once to twice a week', 'That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.', 'You dont know that. All you know is that you are not happy at the moment.Go to the doctors. I Irritable Mood it.Monday. First thing you do. You have no idea, but you can be happy. It takes a bit of time and work but damnit just do it.', 'Thank you. So much.', 'Thank you. It helps to be told that.', 'He Ventricular Dysfunction, Left you. Via text.Move on and up. It will be hard but you will feel so good. I promise.', 'I hope too! Thank you so much.', 'Thank you!', 'Thank you but I have tried and it doesnt work for me personally. Its actually incredibly upsetting since it was my main hobby before I got Hyperactive behavior this. However, I have another copy of Portal 2 if you can Attention Deficit Disorder it to your giveaway?', 'I may get the odd message on Facebook for my birthday but I feel lonely all the same. From me to you, Happy Birthday! Youll have someone special to share your days with soon enough I hope. No one deserves a lonely birthday but you will be okay. x', 'I am not strong enough. Its been a long time and I just cant see another option. Your outcome is amazing though. You must be an incredible person to know.', 'Wow thank you very much! Hello indeed fellow Welshie ^_^', 'It has taken me ten years to get this far. People never do seem to realise how long progress actually takes. Thank you.', 'You need to see someone to start a new and helpful cycle. Is there anyone that can make the appointment for you or come along with you?', 'http://steamcommunity.com/id/barelynerdy/']

Ideation

user-435

['Hey, just happened to browse through this and saw your post. Let me start by saying Im not a mental health professional. Youre right that you should talk to someone. But in the meantime, do me a favor. Google "avoidant personality disorder." Or hell, just search for it here on reddit.Obviously people shouldnt diagnose themselves using the internet. Thats how people go to webmd with an Skin irritation eye and leave convinced theyre dying of Hyperactive behavior sub saharan tortoise cancer. BUT, as you read about that and/or similar issues, you might notice two big things.1. Youre not just a failure or apathetic. There is almost certainly more to it than that. Just because you dont have something as clearly defined as "hearing voices" or something doesnt Irritable Mood youre more to blame for your struggles.2. Youre not at all alone in the way you feel. Im not saying your struggles and Ache arent unique. But I bet you have a feeling of Hyperactive behavior, "other people seem to connect to the world and I just dont" and that contributes to your hopelessness. I think youll find that youre not alone in that feeling.Im not going to argue that youre Abnormal behavior or blameless or even that you havent acted Hyperactive behavior a jerk in the past. But speaking from experience, Ill say this. If you are suffering from something, it will be a really big deal for you to figure it out. We dont get a lot of "holy shit" game-changer moments in life. But this could be one of them for you.You have all of these problems in your life. Im not minimizing that. But it might turn out that they all stem from one issue. If thats the case, boom, suddenly you dont have a ton of problems, you have one problem. It might be a big problem, but youll know where to start.Im not going to launch into an autobiography here, but I *promise* you the story of my life and where my mental health issues took me would blow your mind. But Im still here, feeling good enough that Im trying to help out somebody else. PM me if you want to talk. ']

Indicator

user-102

['I dont think so, because your sacrifice wouldnt right wrongs. I understand your desire for secrecy, certain events have left me with selective mutism, and there are some things that I just cant talk about, let alone the Pain that it would cause me in doing so.Stepping away from the act that were discussing, Im assuming that youre proposing a pre-emptive action, of sorts. But what would only prevent potential future bad things, along with the good. And I think that the probability of your situation being one where that was the most ethical choice is pretty much zero.No one should have to be in the amount of Pain that causes Suicidal thoughts. Ive been Suicidal for 1839 days now, and a lot of my Pain has come from guilt. But Ive managed to keep going in the hopes that I will be able to equalize things by doing enough good that the Pain will end. The main reason why I do not think that suicide in your situation would be ethical is that the probability that there wouldnt be a possible way to resolve the Pain (working from my vague knowledge).Id recommend contacting a suicide hotline, as they would be able to give detailed advice on coping with guilt.My experience has been hard, but my intentions werent malicious, and some of the things that Ive done werent me. I dont think that suicide is a punishment that you could deserve, what whatever you feel your crimes were. Above all, its not your fault. Every day I try to justify my continued existence, but I know that its not my fault, it just hurts. And you can deal with that, day by day. As someone who has come so close to that end, whatever you feel youve done, you dont deserve that.', 'Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and Ive had a similar experience in some aspects. To me, the problem is that most people respond by talking about how it would affect those around you. And the response is but its my life, and I need a reason to keep going.My experience has been one of Pain leading to emptiness, and I suppose a lack of purpose rather than a lack of meaning. For the past 1839 days its been oh, Ill keep going until that new <insert film/game/book/album/new thing> comes out, and then Ill do it. Theres always been something, but there always hasnt been anything after the last thing.From my knowledge and experience, suicide is an extreme response to extreme Pain, and so the way to deal with it is to remove or at the least lessen the Pain. That is, after all, the general reason behind suicide, its just that all other options should be thoroughly exausted first.I try to distract myself, immerse myself in things, try and feel as good as I still can. Suicide is on the horizon, but theres something nice thats more immediate. The ways of dealing with that kind of Pain is rather specific to the individual, but I game a lot as a distraction, I immerse myself in reading books, watching films or shows, listening to music. Id recommend trying lots of things, and trying to multitask as much as possible when things are bad. Im frequently playing a game while watching a show while pondering philosophy. I find that if you clog up you mind with nice stuff, it stops the Pain for a while.Id also recommend trying to meet new people, something where continued contact is worth hanging around for. Ive found a certain kind of confidence at the worst of times - holding your life in your Weakness of hand gives you a fair amount of power. Id also recommend contacting a suicide hotline (specific to where you live) when things are really bad.From what I gather from the tone of your post, its a thought out and reasoned thing. My hope, and I suppose request as a fellow sufferer, is to make sure that as many of the alternate Pain-relief options have been tried first. And to hold Survive as the primary goal for each day - you make it to the end, youve done well. I hope that at least some of this has been of help.', 'Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and I understand the immediacy of the Pain. Id recommend contacing a suicide hotline for to help with coping with the next few days, and contact as many services as you can on dealing with debt. There must be a way, even if its by declaring bankruptcy and and starting over with nothing, debt wiped clean. Im working under the assumption that if the ongoing and immediate issue of the debt was resolved, then the Pain would be managable, even if it was on a day to day basis as I do. There must a service that could help or a way to resolve the issue, and so you should do whatever it takes to make it through the next few days until you can see an end to the debt being there. After that, things would be definitely manageable. I hope that this has been of some help, even if it was just to have someone who can empathise with your Pain hear your story.', 'That sounds rough, but above all I dont think that its your fault, as you didnt make the decision knowing what the outcome would be, or intending for that to be the outcome. Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and I know that without medical and outside support I wouldnt have made it this far. I understand what it feels like. Both to seriously regret something like that, and to just not be able to study. Ive just had to drop out of college for the second time (I live in England if you want to work out what the equivilant would be), and its such a horrible feeling, but I was so empty at the time that I couldnt really feel it.Ive been Suicidal for literally over five years now, and the probability of me attempting suicide again is Tired low, but Im still in constant Pain. Depression is awful.Above all, its not your fault, and the most important thing to do is to do what you can to make it a thing of the past, rather than an ongoing thing. I know that thats by no means easy, and will take time, but thats at least a way to seriously reduce the risk of suicide. I spend my days doing whatever I need to keep myself busy, and keep going. The /r/Depression subreddit could be good for talking to other people, and in general not feeling alone. The way that mental health issues are treated globally is awful, and any help that you can get could make a big difference. I know what Depression is like, and talking to other people is probably a good way to find new ways to cope with things and to find out about services and options. I wish you all the best, and please, try contacting a suicide hotline if things become really bad.', 'I understand what its like to feel like that, and how much doubt not knowing what to do because you barely enjoy anything anymore can create. From my understanding of things, a renewed purpose in life should bring things back to normal, though that isnt that easy a thing. Approaching your days by trying to get the most out of each hour or so could help, as long as youre kept busy by interesting things, things should feel alive. Id recommend trying to bring as much as you can of the happy activities into the other ones.Its a different problem, but my room is the only place where I feel that I can truly relax, and Ive found that as long as I have my iPod and my headphones, I can keep that sense of security going in triggery situations, because I know that if things became too much, I could just plug in to the right playlist, and feel alright.Using the energy that you can find to keep doing at least one that that you find interesting and/or like doing should have a snowballing effect. Suicide certainly isnt the answer here, because its possible for thing to get better. Ive been Suicidal for 1839 days now, and its often on my mind, but I do what I need to do to get through the day, and enjoy what I can. Id recommend trying to identify everything that still feels normal, and trying to extend them as much as possible, and contacting a suicide hotline if things become really hard.', 'Please contact a suicide hotline before trying anthing, theyll be the best qualified people to help with the immediate Pain. After that, Id recommend taking it day by day, and trying to see if theres a treatment option that would be better for you. Id also recommend looking for an online support community, I know that there are several for schizophenia. They could probably help as well. Above all, please keep in your mind how much change could come of a few things, and just hold on to see if that would be the case, because it could make so much difference. Im open to talking about things if you want to, and again, please contact a suicide hotline to help get through the night.', 'Hmm. I suppose that my recommendation would be to find something that you care-about-enough-that-things-dont-Pain-as-much. Homestuck is one of those things to me, because I find it so true - it resonates with me, and I dont feel alone. I feel that someone else understands me. I get the same feeling when I read Chuck Palahniuck.I try the find-evidence-of-good-things-in-the-world approach as well, watching Luclyn videos on YouTube ususally checks that box.I also multi-task a lot when things are bad - just try and cram your mind with things so that its active on other things.I personally havent found web searchs of things similar to <thing that you like> that effective, but asking people has. Finding good stories, be they fictional or non-fictional, and feeling understood have been the most effective things for me, I think.Hope that that helps somewhat.', 'Thank you for opening up here, it must have been really hard to put something so signficant into words. Above all, Annas death shouldnt mean yours as well. And youre in no way a murderer. No one should have to go through what you both went through. Anna may have had great potential, but what about your potential? Is there a single kind of life that you think that you could still lead?A suicide hotline would be able to really offer some advice on how to cope with losing your family, and with the everything else. Please, try contacting one before trying anything. You shouldnt do anything because you feel guilt towards Mellie - you did nothing wrong.', 'Id recommend contacting a suicide hotline, they would probably know best about how to get physical help. Above all, being in Pain and any psycosis is in no way your fault, and so suicide shouldnt be how things end. Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and though my experiences have stemmed more from Depression and pseudo-psychotic issues, Im open to help as much as I can. Above all, please contact a suicide hotline, they would most likely be able to give the best advice on how to get physical help.', 'Im open to reasoning about the matter, Ive got 1839 days of being Suicidal in the way of experience. From all my knowledge, the issue is to find a way to deal with the Pain sufficiently, until the source(s) can be removed. Id also recommend contacting a suicide hotline, they are probably also good supportive debaters, and theyll have lots of knowledge on how to cope with things. I understand the Pain, and Suicidal thoughts are a rational occurence when Pain exceeds the resources that you have for coping with Pain. You are in no way a horrible person - your just in Pain. And there will be a way to deal with the Pain, if not remove it.', 'That sounds really painful, and thank you for opening up about it. Ive had a similar kind of experience where I sort of ripped out my heart because it just Pain too much, and now I can barely feel love anymore. Above all, none of its your fault, and no one should be in so much Pain. Its in no way pathetic, or something that you should be ashamed about. Minds are extraordinarily complex, and the way that mental health issues are treated by most is really bad. Ive found that being able to just plug in to a playlist on my iPod and temporarily shut things out has worked for me as a crutch to lean on. The mail provider may also be able to do something. I know how important having my reminder of things is to me, and how hard it must be to not have yours.Theres no way that I could hate you, or even have a reason to. Ive been sitting here trying to work out if theres another way to chase that package. If things get really bad, please contact a suicide hotline before trying anything. You deserve your organs so Tired much, and if I was able to, I would offer you the biggest hug that I could give. Ive found that hugging a pillow can fill some of the void for me when I need it.', 'Thats good to hear, I know how hard it can get at times. I hope that your therapist can offer some help as well, its good to get all that you can.', 'I wish you both all the best. Please, take care.', 'That sounds really hard, I know what overwhelming hostility can feel like. Im open to talking about things, anything that I can do to help. Id recommend contacting a hotline to help cope with the abuse, as theyll definitely be qualified to help, and be able to offer support and options. It sounds to me that if you were able to be distanced from the sources of abuse, youd be able to manage. I really hope that someone can help with that. Id recommend browsing subreddits like this one, or any forums or online communities that can offer support in the mean time, just finding other people that you could feel some unity with. Knowing that youre not alone can make a big difference with the day to day coping.', 'Im sorry, that must be so painful.There are some online resources linked on the subreddits page, though Im not sure how helpful they could be.I, obviously, dont know much about the situation, but ought implies can. If there was nothing that you could have done, then you arent responsible. I know what its like to keep rethinking events, and how long you can keep trying different possibilities it without giving up.I know that I havent really been of help, beyond being a listener, but that story is one of the most beautiful things that Ive ever read. It seemed so honest and true. And thank you for sharing it, because its something that Im sure Ill remember for a long time.', 'Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and from my experience Suicidal thoughts are in response to simply not wanting to be in Pain.And so from my experience, the best way to minimise thinking about suicide and to not think about it is to find a way to not be in Pain. Whether thats done by distraction (Im a big gamer), painkillers (I find that 4-6 units of alcohol works as a painkiller for me, but I am a happy drunk. Its a situational defence, and it may Tired well not work or even exacerbate Suicidal feelings in others), or being surrounded by happy things (spending time with friends, family, but this is much harder to guarentee, and to have it when you need it).From what I know, the tl;dr of Suicidal thoughts is an extreme reaction to extreme Pain, and so painkiller activities are what I would recommend, though the actual activities that would probably help would most likely be fairly specific to you.I would also recommend contacting a suicide hotline (specific to where you live), but I know googling suicide automatically brings up a hotline number at the top of the page.Im here if you want to talk about things, either on here or somewhere else. From my experience, Ive not yet been able to get rid of the thoughts, just put more important things ahead of them.Hope that this helped, even if it was just for someone to hear you.', 'Sorry? Its been literally five years, plus around twenty days now. I live day by day, and so days seems the best way to measure it.', 'Wow, thats really bad. I was thinking that the professionals would be able to say something useful. I havent had that much experience with any online therapy resources, but I could look around. Im not sure what other offical resources there are.Can you go to the hospital again if you need to?Family stuff can be really hard. Various events have left me with selective mutism, so I find communicating with my family really difficult, which they dont really understand.Do you know if theres any way that you could access some form of free therapy? The waiting lists are usually months long, but I suppose its something to have in the works.My general approach is to try and distract and immerse myself in as much as possible. Books, games, films, shows, music; Im usually multi-tasking them. Anything to make it through the day. Ive now had Suicidal thoughts for 1839 days. Im not sure how helpful the more specific advice that I could give would be. Just whatever it takes to lessen the Pain, and survive the day./hug', 'Above all, the reason why I think that you shouldnt take the step is that you dont control the situation. From my 1839 days of Suicidal experience, I think that the most important factor in suicide is that you retain the option to back out until the last moment. You need to be able to stop. And taking that one step wouldnt let you back out. In the last moment of my attempt I felt pretty much all of the weight of my life and all that it was and would be compared with the amount of Pain that I was in, and it took me to that last moment to change my mind. To try and bear the Pain a little longer, in the hopes that it would eventually stop. Your survival instinct is a lot stronger that you think that it would be, and you need that control to do anything with that knowledge. That just how much is better than nothing.My primary objective everyday is just to survive. Whatever it takes. And so I spend my time distracting myself, immersing myself in enough multi-tasking that I dont feel the Pain as much.Id also ask that you contacted a suicide hotline (details of which are specific to where you live). And before suicide, exaust every other method of dealing with chronic Pain. Whatever helps lessen the Pain is probably better than nothingness.Im open to talking about things some more, and I hope that at least some part of this helped.', 'Honestly, the first that that I feel when reading this is curiosity. I see no reason for guilt, but then my own experiences with it have shown me that it can be pretty irrational.Ive been Suicidal for the past 1839 days, and the main reason for my Pain has been doubt. Doubt that I could ever be good enough. And I think that the first distinction to make is between being good enough for you, and being good enough for others. Doubt also magnifies things, so the reality of your concerns is most probably smaller than what you think. Still, it takes distance from the Pain for that to be helpful.After all my experiences, my goal is a pretty atypical existence, but its one that would be good enough, for me. And I think that my Pain pushed me from focusing on doing things for others, to doing things for myself. Not in a selfish way, but you are you, and you are more or less the only person with the knowledge to figure out who you want to be and what you want to do, be it with you whole life, or the next five minutes.Hey, just from the fact that your a sapient, sentient being, capable of the thought, reason and capacity for emotion and Pain that the writing of this post requires is a high enough standard for you to be good enough in my mind.I highly doubt that even everything could be your fault, and Ive found that analysing my intentions, and all the factors leading into the significant situations has given me enough of a conclusion to put most of those concerns to rest.My biggest concern about me killing myself is that I dont think that anyone would remember me for who I really am - only I know that. I generally have little energy, and thats why I drink a lot of Lucozade. After 1839 days of suffering, my drug of choice is an energy drink deliving glucose.I also seriously doubt that youre ugly. There are many resources online and off for dealing with such concerns, but I also think that if youre capable of writing this post, then youre not ugly. Your body is just a way of interfacing your mind with others. Some people are staticly beautiful, nearly everyone is dynamically beautiful. I nearly always try to avoid photos being taken of me, because nearly all of them are bad, but I know that I have a nice smile - I just dont show through my body on camera.Self-worth and self-love are Tired large and complex things, and its hard to know where to start, but theyll be some for of existence that will be nuturing for you, however atypical it is.I think that the most important thing that I could recommend for you to do is to be able to live for you, be the person that you want to be, and do what you want to do. Its taken me years to be able to go off of my own desires and thoughts rather than others, but it makes so much difference. Its your life, other people dont own any part of it.Im available if you ever want to talk about things in detail, I have a fair amount of experience with this matter.Id also recommend contacting a suicide hotline (details relevant to where you live) when things are really hard, and especially before attempting anything. I hope that at least some of this has helped.tl;dr - Whos awesome? Youre awesome.']

Ideation