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thePixel42

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depression-detection

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i- i did it i recieved my yearly compliment. i am so happy rn.

whats the point if nobody likes me.everyone i've always looked up to has never liked me. i look up to my friends and they blow me off to hangout with each other. everyone i meet and ask to hangout sometime, never wants to. nobody texts me or talks to me. i never get compliments. i look at the instagrams of people i try to be friends with and 20-30 people are commenting stuff like,"wow, i love you!!!" and,"this is so amazing i wanna hangout soon!" vs my instagram where i post my photos (the only thing i'm proud of), i will get maybe one comment from a family member saying "nice." i just feel really underappreciated. but because of that, i feel like there must be something wrong with me if so many people dont appreciate me.

im pretty bored what are yall's hobbies, i just started playing the quitar

after giving thought, i think it's best for me to go for good.this is a long post. apologies if it's too long but i need to get this off my chest. i have posted here before, and hardly anyone responded to that. i posted some time ago about my high school life and how miserable i was. i also mentioned something about me being immature for my age (21). and i think i mentioned something about how difficult it is to get a job in a country when your race is everything. ever since then, if you thought my life couldn't get any worse, it has. i eavesdropped on my parents i heard them say what a nuisance i was since i was 1. i was such an inconvenience to everyone and people today poked fun at me for doing that whenever they mention my early life. i was on the brink of saying fuck you to about 20 people but there was 20 of them and 1 of me so i was powerless. if that was the case when i was like that, why couldn't they give me away to another family if they saw me as an inconvenience? school was hell too. from being harassed, to being picked on by teachers, to being irrelevant to everyone around, and when my grandfathers died, i became even more miserable, then i was on the brink of suicide. the reason i didn't is because even though i may be immature in almost everyone's eyes, but i was intelligent for being a miserable introvert, and with hardly any help from my parents since they didn't do accounting, i ended up with mostly b grades at a school were averages are lower d's to f's. but those grades mattered little as now, up til this day, 4 years after school, i cannot get a simple job to get myself some income because of the country i live in. and with the stuff i mentioned in my previous post, and with me only knowing that my parents talked about me childhood behind my back, my school hell and cannot get a job, i don't think it's fair if i continue in vain to live a happy life. i have given thought about suicide a few times, but with this new information of my early days, why do i even exist?! for what reason was i brought up to live a life of hell? and if commit suicide, what consequences are there for hindus that do commit it? i'm going to do something i won't tell any family member. i'm going to live on the street for a little qhile, risk being mutilated (crime and murder rates is extremely high, and pretend i don't belong to anybody. i want my family to experience what life will be like if i never existed. and if they didn't miss me, that's the final nail in my coffin. and therapy is too expensive, so sorry if my post is long, but all of this i needed to get out. this is how i feel and i don't want to waste any more time. what advice would you give in this situation before i say goodbye?

post this on r/dankmemes i don’t have enough karma://imgflip.com/i/5467c1

suggestions for anime i have seen jojo, seven deadly sins, one punch man, death note and attack on titan

did anyone else here meet their significant other on ancestry.com? we knew we were a match from the very start! it’s like we’re made of the same stuff!

i think i'm done...i'm 36, i've been on meds, therapy, and had ect for 20 years. i've come to the conclusion that there is no solution. i can't live a normal life, i can't feel love. i have been "successful" going off societies definition. i'm so tired, i'm so broken. my last love took all my hope with her. i don't know what to do anymore...

i'm never alone long enough to express emotions.i've had depression for a good few years now. sometimes it's been worse than others but the difference now is, i just moved to college away from home. i'm 17, 18 in a few weeks so i recently moved into an apartment with 5 other guys. this means sharing a room with someone. i never get any alone time which is something i greatly need every once in a while. i don't have a car at the moment either so i can't just drive off somewhere. i just don't want to cry in front of anyone. i'm just not good at expressing emotions in front of people and i always get embarrassed, even in front of my mom so i don't like the thought of doing it with my house mates. i guess this is just a ramble but maybe someone has been through this. maybe not.

approaching thanksgiving dinnermakes me want to just run to the nearest height and jump off with abandon.

helpi was told to come here and ask for help but i dont want to disturb anyone.....

life is just too hardi'm struggling, my family treats me like shit, i'm in serious debt, my now ex boyfriend told me the world then left me because he wanted to be alone, my "husband" who i've been separated with he ran away and i have to pay for a divorce and try to find him to get the paperwork to go through, i have a painful skin issue that makes it painful to walk and doctors don't know what it is, my car's transmission blew up and i don't even have the money for it so my only escape is gone, i got raped not too long ago and strangled. lastly my best friend abandoned me and refuses to talk to me for no reason. i feel so alone i just want the pain to fucking stop.

1 hourtoday was worse than yesterday. posted here yesterday and got nothing back. guess its pretty clear i go. its 12:30 am where i live. i want to die at 1:30 am. so im gonna try. bye

little life tip ok this post became a lot longer than what i intended but here it is if you just recently developed a crush on someone, don’t think about it twice and ask her/him out. timing matters. i used to have a crush on this girl, and i simply was not confident enough to do it. in the end, we became friends and she never knew that i had liked her for an absurdly long time. needless to say, being in that kind of situation brings sadness more than anything. in the end i got over it and noticed that someone else started flirting with me. at first i didn’t believe it, given that i’m nowhere near good-looking, but then started liking her too. except this time, i had grown from my past mistakes: i asked her out on a date and she said yes! a week later, she asked if i wanted to officially “go out” with her, and now it’s been two months since i first got to call this incredible girl my girlfriend. yall have no idea how happy i am now, and just saying: if i, an unattractive male introvert, managed to go out with my crush, then every single redditor on this sub can too. now guys, grow some balls and ask that crush of yours out!! and same for the girls, except, well, maybe without the “grow some balls” part...

i want the pain to end...i looked in my counselors eyes and promised i wouldn’t go home and kill myself, but here i am trying to decide how many pills i need to take. i’ve been feeling so suicidal to the point i can’t even breathe. there’s so much emotional pain that i feel as though there’s nothing i can do. this feels like the only option. this pain will never stop. i’ll never be able to smile again. i probably won’t have the balls to do it. i’ll sob until i tire myself out. and i’ll just continue this meaningless life waiting until i’m in a fatal car accident or i’m diagnosed with some terminal illness. here’s to hating myself the rest of my hopefully short stupid life.

everyone listen on december 31, at 11:59 pm, search in google: why is there a boss health bar in the sky?

finally went to the doctors...i've been experiencing a mix of depression and more happy emotions about a year now, but i finally went to the doctors. i'm happy i went and i told everything i was going through and it seems i might have bipolar ii disorder. i'm in the process of being referred to a psychiatrist right now. i thought this whole time i was more in control of what was happening to me in the sense that if i made an effort i could feel better. i've had troubles being lonely and isolating myself and thought if i just put myself out there it could help (which to some extent i imagine it would). it's just weird to think that the moments i think i'm happy are now just part of the problem. this is the first time i've ever been considered to having a mental health issue and i haven't told anyone as of yet about this new development so it helps writing on here. i'm happy i went and i hope that this leads to helping me more with what i'm going through. and for others experiencing issues, i know it's hard to make the first step and seeing a doctor but it will feel good and help you.

don’t you love it when your parent can’t realize negative reinforcement doesn’t work on you im already depressed and anxious i already feel like i deserve these things, when are you gonna realize that the only way you can make me do things is by positive reinforcement. like go ahead and take away my phone, my computer, everything. i don’t deserve any of it. not gonna make me do shit because it’s gone. i can live without it, contrary to popular belief. it’s not a life source, it’s something to stop me from thinking about offing myself.

can someone help me find a meme? i think it was on r/196 the strongest british: femboy the weakest irish: extremely muscular

my friend of a year just ghosted me well long story short, all i got was a "say" and now i'm unfriended everywhere and no means to contact. after a year it kinda does hurt ngl most painful is not being able to say goodbye or the reason why tbh

what do i do here ok so i want to ask out my crush but right now we’re just really good friends and i’m afraid if i ask her out she’ll say no and i’ll lose that too. so what should i do?

it's cuss day motherfuckers fuck yourself back to your mom's pussy you piece of shit. that's all what i wanted to say. don't mind me.

i don't know whether i'm gonna survive the summer. i love him so much but he hates me. i can't live.i've posted this in r/depression, but i usually get few to no responses anywhere, so i'll try my luck here. i just feel overcome with sadness because of something i have no control over. i just take pills and blindly hope i'll somehow get better. i never really was in a relationship with the guy i loved. we met online, chatted for hours every day for a period of 3 moths, and met up once i'd declared my feelings for him. we kissed for ages, and it was my first, but by no means his. he seemed so sweet then, so lovely. all of a sudden, he just changed. he told me that we definitely wouldn't date, and hinted that if i died, he wouldn't care. then, he started seeing someone else. i had a relapse of suicidality, and he was the only one i could talk to about it, because i didn't have much of a social life offline. as i said in my post, i angered him. but after christmas, he seemed to be over it and seemed to forgive me. for the next three months, it was a whirlwind of thinking he cared, to him telling me awful things, such as "you're immature" and that i had a nebula of negatativity around me. eventually, my father threatened me with all types of shit if i didn't stop talking to the boy, so we went nc for a month. tried to contact him again, and he wasn't having it. he told me to piss off and threatened to send pictures of him and his girlfriend if i didn't leave him alone. i blocked him then, because i was too hurt to even think. the funny thing was though, i called him up the next day and he seemed fine. he said that he'd rethink our friendship once i was better. but a few weeks later, when i tried to talk, he just didn't seem willing to. he said some even worse things, called me a professional victim, and said i was leeching off the 0 fucks he gave about me in the hopes that he'd stay in my life. he cut me off after that... i know that i pestered him a little, as i messeged him a lot after and tried to get him to skype. he did eventually, but he hung up on me mid sentence. he had the audacity to text me last week, to mention how much fun he was having out camping, which i mentioned. i plummeted that week and nearly ended up overdosing on tuesday. i love him so much and i have so much care to offer him even though he's happy with someone else, but he hates me and doesn't care about me at all. i am nothing. we can't afford therapy anymore. we have free healthcare here in the uk, but our mental health service for young people is trash. at one point, we were paying £800 for a session with a psychiatrist, which equates to over a thousand dollars. it was simply too much, as i've been having therapy for the past 3 months and it's yet to help. i genuinely feel as though i may attempt suicide soon. it's no longer an ideation, it's a fear.

i'm going to be free tonight.just wanted to let you guys know you've helped me learn a lot about myself. you guys do great work and i appreciate it, however i'm too far gone for saving... here's my note that i left for whoever finds me. i've come to accept that i'm the clown, i'm just here to make everybody else laugh, to ask how your day is ... nobody will ever ask me but i guess i'm okay with that. if i can make somebody else feel better, it makes me feel better, i don't want anybody to feel the way that i do ... that empty feeling. i've had a rough life ... watching people fade away, change, die, or turn on me... i've gone through a lot of betrayal but it's because of this betrayal that i know how to make others feel better. i can't cry. i can't show any faltering or weakness. because the second i show how i really feel inside, i no longer become the clown... i become just another person. goodbye

anyone else vibin’ to bach and perlman’s concerto for 2 violins in d minor? if not that’s cool

don’t do drugs!!! ...do your homework. i know you been procrastinating, don’t deny it.

i need 4 among us players to help me ok so i need the crewmate intro of a 5-player game with one impostor. please take off any hats/costumes and no pets either, i just need it for a meme and google images isn't cooperating.

💤i’m fucking tired & exhausted! 😴 1st attempt was fast & rash! it happened 2 weeks before my birthday my 21st aswell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔪🩸 i want my 2nd to be the last. i don’t want to breathe & survive any more any longer

swag incarnate i believe my playlist is swag incarnate. tell me your thoughts.://open.spotify.com/playlist/3uyb752irqyqizuo7twzqi?si=gtqfn27xqsyhzkqdq9t_nw

tunnel visionon tunnel vision: if i had a gun right now, i might blow my brains out. why won’t i kill myself, maybe because i don’t have a gun? i tunnel vision on getting all my energy on my lugia. i tunnel vision on taking my opponent’s rook, instead of seeing the more valuable knight takedown 8 spaces over. i tunnel vision on nykthosing for big mana. i tunnel vision getting the kill over staying alive to farm mid lane. i could kill myself with hundreds of methods, and yet the gun is the only one i’m fixated on. it’s not like the gun is more appealing. it’s certain, almost, and maybe painless. but there are other ways to do it. i tunnel vision on the gun, always. fantasies of suicide ride on the back of a gun, not rope, pills, or high places. it feels less poetic, and maybe it is, but that’s my tunnel. i may not be killing myself for other reasons, in fact i think i know i’m not, but the decision is a lot easier without a gun in my closet. i should probably never buy a gun. i don’t want to kill myself, it’s too scary. this is it, and the movie may suck, but that’s all there is. it’s nice to point out cute metaphors for living and not killing yourself. but death is almost unfathomable. people like to say “it’s just like you were before you were born.” well, that’s fucking terrifying. you know what was before i was born? fucking nothing. it’s not like sleeping, i can’t grasp it. why not live. i can find simple things to live for. i knew this was coming. sean knew it was coming. fucking faith? that’s all i fucking need. i’ve been down this hole before, so why not have faith that i’ll get out of the next hole? there is this fantastic fixation that i need a women. this isn’t to say i would rather be gay. but like, i want someone to accept me, not tolerate me. why is there so much emphasis on a woman, on love? can i be with an unfulfilling woman and get what i need through friends? maybe it’s the time exposure. i’m expected to spend more time and company with one who fucks me, so it makes sense that they need to be perfect (or the one, not literal perfection). and it’s more than sex. there are intimate moments. moments of triumph and celebration. moments of great sorrow. some sort of intimate experience seems to calm these storms, or make them feel better. my existence can be validated through anyone, but there seems to be some need for it to be with someone i’m attracted to and can mate with. biological desires aside, why is there a need to find this woman. i tunnel vision on the gun, and maybe that has saved my life more times than i care to admit. i should probably never buy a gun. why can’t someone just love me for who i am? i’m always trying to be the best person i can be without changing who i am. why can’t i be loved for that. and it’s not like there aren’t those who love me. i have a loving family. ive dated lots of woman. i’ve had lots of friends. ive had people tell me time after time that i’m a great and amazing person. that they respect me. for fucking what? because i’m an asshole? because people like to admire those who say what other’s aren’t willing to do? am i nothing more than an art exhibit to be admired from afar? i don’t want to change, i just want to be loved.

hanging hurts a lot.i thought i'd drift away in a couple of seconds but the abrasion of the rope, the discomfort around the neck, my god. my face felt so tight i couldn't do it. welp, another one off the bucket list.

how do i tell my family that i'm bi? i've been a closeted bisexual, and i'm thinking about telling my parents but i don't know how.

the endi feel like i'm just at the end of my rope. i met somebody online that was genuinely intrested in dating me, only to turn me down when she saw what i look like. my aunt just died and i had to watch them scatter her ashes. this wonderful human being who was there for me all my life and they just...dumped her into the water. my few friends i have are getting annoyed at me constantly telling them all this, i can tell. they don't start conversations with me anymore, i have to start it. i've waited to see how long they took, and after 3 days i was so lonely that i acted like i was perfectly fine and messaged them joking around and stuff. i've lost friends because of my depression before, i can't lose more. and now, i'm writing this, at 3 in the morning, the only one awake in my house. i may live in a house with a nother, father and brother, but in all honesty, i've never felt so damn lonely. it's killing me, i'm at my wits end. there's a train track by my house, and i know i could just go down there, lay my head on it and never feel this way again. idk what i'm trying to achieve by writing this, i honestly don't know. i just feel like i have to get it out. perhaps this is my final letter to the world, my last words. all i want is to be happy. i've tried therapy, i've tried meds, i've tried finding a job or talking to people but it doesn't work. it never does. i try, right? i just want it to work out for once. idk if there's a god, i've never given it much thought. i just hope if there is, he or she can at least send me someone or grant me the strength to keep going. i don't want to die, i want to live. but i feel like the only thing i can do at this point is die. i'm so fucking scared

i do not have the gay. i do not like boys, i am not into males. i don’t enjoy having gay sex. i only cocks if girls have them, the only good and tasty cock is from a girl. not from a boy. i am not gay. i am heterosexual, i don’t like boys.

fasttt, suggest a song lyric which would also make a good caption anything would do but if it's hip hop even better

oh my god, guys, i finally found it out! the light in the fridge turns of when you close the door!

i just kinda wanted to share this to someone but i didn’t know who so i honestly feel like things are getting better- like my mental health sucks, i had a breakdown when i was 14 which i won’t go into as i don’t wanna trigger anyone, but i recovered and now about a year later i felt my mental health sorta slipping again, but i feel like i’m fixing it for now at least. so basically me and my boyfriend (who has helped loads too) have been learning to skate which has been fun coz not only am i exercising but i actually enjoy it and it motivates me to go out and do stuff. ive also started enjoyed art again (i used to draw and paint all the time but the fun was lost when exam work began) and idk just looking after myself better. i’ve gotten more comfortable with my sexuality too, and after quarantine i was just kinda like ‘fuck it imma not care’ lmao i’m sorry if this seems like i’m trying to make some people jealous but i just don’t have anywhere to share this and i don’t have a journal or anything because it’s packed to move house haha. i know the phrase ‘it gets better’ is super cliche and patronising but honestly it does, it might be really hard but it does, and remember recovery doesn’t have to be a complete shift, you can still have bad days and weeks and months, just take your time and look after yourself as best you can ♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎ if anyone wants me to delete this or something i will aha i don’t mind at all :)

what is something you are tired of? can be anything. for example i'm tired of not being able to beat people who do fortnite dance in public (just a fake example, i wouldnt hurt a fly)

hello?ive been strugling with depression for the past 3 years and ive been suicidal for 2 of those. it all went ove the edge when my ex killed herself and left me and her son. i was 15 atm and im now 19 and everyday is getting harder to get through and all night i get nightmares about either my dads abbuse the rape i went through or my exs suicide. i dont know if this will do annything but i just needed to get this of my chest. sorry for wasting your time and have a nice day

i'm running out of timeand everyone is leaving. no one is left to listen. no one is left to lie and say they care. they already left years ago, but i'm surprised now ii realized that i'm actually alone.

if a monkey plays monkey simulator... so if a monkey plays monkey simulator is he playing monkey simulator or life simulator, and before you ask, no i am not high.

i started to write this message for another, found that i was writing for myself, and out of curiosity for where the stream of consciousness would take me, i did not stop.[context: driving, 24 hour trip, to a female friend's house to spend some time together over the summer as we haven't seen one another in 3 years. hit a deer last night, i'm fine, the car is not, i will be spending the next week waiting for it to be repaired in a town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. i have not had a major depressive episode for 2 years (which was quite brief and insubstantial compared to what i'd grown used to in adolescence) and i'm a very different person now than i was then. i kindly request that you do not interpret this as a request for sympathy or support, and in fact would strongly prefer that you offer neither. i found the exercise interesting and don't know where else i could share it with people who might... appreciate it? find it interesting? understand it? enjoy.] i'm noticing the early signs of a depressive episode (weakened id resistance, particularly in lethargy, desire to analyze and write, long, rambling, ranty conversation, nagging self-loathing) which sort of shocks me between the quick onset, less than a day, and the fact that i seem so cognizant of it which is very new. i've had some wonderful insights into the nature of my depression, and though it's hard to discern cause and effect through the knots of psychology biology and neurology particularly as someone untrained in either, i can see how being deeply depressed during so many of my formative years has affected my need for social interaction (there is little) and my ability to comprehend and analyze abstract and complex concepts, something that is generally quite difficult to put into words, doubly difficult to transcribe in a way that others might assuredly understand, and many times more through speech rather than text (in which i am more proficient). as well, it serves little social function. in essence, i see a link between my uncomfortable relationships with my family and peers causing depression, and my relatively unique traits which are well served by isolation and the occasional close friendship with someone who i feel i can communicate effectively with, the diamonds in the rough if you will--but other flaws, depression-linked or not, make them hard to maintain for any length of time. i'm scared that i've thrown myself in niagra without a barrel, seeing as i prefer to seek out and connect better with girls, but once i'm close to them my id sees opportunity to sate my sexual appetite and ruins the entire reason we got along well to begin with, which may have included some sexual chemistry but certainly didn't revolve around it (and whether or not i'm getting laid, it becomes a preoccupation of mine). and i have serious trouble forming the discipline to deny my id what it wants although in many areas of my life it has little to no say, so i worry that i'm somehow tipping the scales and offering it concessions? psychology is fucking difficult when you're mostly dealing with insight which may or may not be built in entirely faulty premises and relies on limited and twisted information and perception. and yet i'm so obsessed with understanding myself because i feel powerless to change so i may as well figure out what i have to work with and maybe find a weakness, right? i'm a mess and i'm fundamentally broken and i mean that, there is no social niche for someone like me, my function in this world is masturbatory, fleetingly satisfying but ultimately insubstantial, and i'm so sorry i just dropped all this on you by the way but once i started i couldn't stop and i don't think i should visit you because i know better, i know that i'm going to find ways to justify breaking every promise i make to myself about being a better person because i am spineless and i'm going to fuck up our dynamic and leave no better than i came. i belong in a nut house. at least there i'll be surrounded by people who i can relate to and spend a couple hours a week talking to someone who pretends he understands and cares because at least if its not genuine i won't ever be able to disappoint him. i'm incapable of failing myself because i lower my expectations just a bit faster than i can fall through them but i still get to feel what its like to let down everyone who's ever believed in me and the farther down i fall without ever stopping, the worse it'll be when i finally hit rock bottom. the wheels are in motion and the presses can't be stopped and i'm not unhappy, just searching, endlessly searching, and for every path i chart i find two more to follow. i believe that even if the key to human immortality were discovered that only a fool would reveal it--we are terrible and unstable creatures gorging ourselves as the world around us shrinks. we were never meant to operate on the scale that we do, our neurology empowers us and our biology betrays us and we always think we can keep one step ahead of our fates but horror and war and atrocity and death, that is our fate, and soon the day will come when we stop looking back and stop looking forward and start to look at ourselves and we will realize that the thing we've been running from is our shadow and that we have always been what we've feared to become.

girlfriend applications. 1: be a girl 2: that it. i’m lonely i will literally take anyone at this point. but not u/david1033gd because i failed her application with flying colors

small guide to understanding medical terms (info dump) spent all of high school in a medical program but i might not even go into that field so.. have this knowledge i will never use: -itis: inflammation hepato-: liver put them together hepatitis: inflammation of the liver brady-: slow tachy-: fast cardia-: heart myo-: muscle tachycardia: fast heart rate brachycardia: slow heart rate myocarditis: inflammation of the heart muscle other helpful prefix/suffixes: -logy: the study of -ectomy: removal of -otomy: incision into carcin/o-: cancer tah dah other things i learned: 206 bones in the body know where all of them are and their landmarks the name and function of every muscle lots about microbiology i.e., viruses and bacteria (ew) viruses are not alive. can't use antibiotics for them. infections infections infections (code blue) malpractice lawsuits (scary) how to tape feet (gross) how to measure blood pressure the instrument used to measure is called a sphygmomanometer so try to pronounce it. it's fun. how to take blood and give shots how to give cpr cpr mannequins are terrifying that's all, have fun.

i am too ugly to live.i’m so sick of this. i have a big nose, big forehead, big everything and it’s so hard to deal with. people have told me they didnt date me because i’m ugly. people have even told me i’m too ugly to go after. don’t get me wrong, i’ve been in my fair share of relationships, but i’ve been rejected so many times just for being ugly and i’m sick of it. i am soon to leave home for college and before that i want to get a nose job to make me more confident before i leave, but none of the 758394858 retail jobs i’ve applied to got back to me. it’s like the world wants me to be this way. i’m not believing that looks don’t matter bs. i just want to look good, and that’s it. i’m suicidal because of it. i’m sick of living when i can’t look good.

what does ddd stand for primarily incorrect guesses would be appreciated

so after being single for 16 years, i finally found one. she’s perfect. she’s charming. she’s the best i could find. she’s also super adorable. kylie, i know you’re gonna see this so i want you to know that i love you. u/iamatexan124

it takes a long time to know me.i'm a complicated, multi-faceted individual. i don't have any close friends. i've moved around and my life has been unstable. it's hard to make friends. no one really understands me. they don't know me. it takes time to figure why i do things, why i feel things or think the way that i do. i can't seem to connect with other people because they only see the surface. i am very lonely right now. i work with lots of people but it's all superficial. i can't seem to connect with others...

i don't want to kill myself, but i won't mind if i die. that doesn't mean i'm suicidal, right?i've been having some trouble with sadness, and generally don't caring, and i usually just ignore it. but now i'm thinking that if a car smashed into me, and killed me, i wouldn't really mind. everywhere i've read, it says the suicidal thoughts are if you plan your suicide. since i'm not technically doing that, i'm not suicidal right? it's important for me to know, if i'm ever going to tell anyone.

checking out of life.welp i think its finally time to just do it. i dont even know why i'm typing this to be honest. if anyone i know finds this them i'm sorry if i hurt you. i'm just simply not able to do this anymore.

join me, brother!death to the m.p.l.a.!!!

girlfriend threatening to kill herselfmy girlfriend f26 has been dealing with mental health issues for a while. she has always refused to get help. now it got bad to the point she wants to kill herself. she just said i will not study for my mid term tomorrow because i'll be dead before the final exam. she refuses help because she says that even if she gets better she will have nothing to live for. i know how it feels i had depression 3 years ago. how can i help her? i am totally clueless and genuinely worried that she might hurt herself

i'm going to do it.i'm going to kill myself. nothing is getting better, if anything, i'm getting worse despite the antidepressants. i tried to kill myself a month ago, and haven't been in school for over a month. in that time, my two closest friends have moved on. they called me up yesterday claiming that they were going to join the popular group. and i couldn't. it's not that i'm upset about not being included, even if the group accepted me i wouldn't want to join. but that friendship group has put my friends through so much misery, and i've been the one drying their tears. me trying to kill myself is the best thing that's ever happened to them, as they've finally got what they've always wanted. so surely if i go ahead and successfully do it then they'll benefit even more so. i now have no friends to return to if i go back to school. i'm just going to go ahead and do it, it's clear no one cares.

began an antidepressant tonight. still unsure, thoughts?hi. i have struggled with depression for most of my life now on and off again and only recently began to receive treatment in the form of counseling. my counselor quickly referred me to a psychiatrist with whom i am working on solving a whole lot of issues, but we are focusing mostly on anxiety and depression. i have just started a low dose of busiprone, but i am still worried. i know depression lies, but i also know my depression stems from my social rejection. i believe this rejection is tied to other mental health issues. people find me annoying, and say i talk to much. i wish i could control this but i cant and this reaction is universal. peers, teachers, co-workers, everyone finds me grating and unpleasant to be around. i lost my last job because the managers found me annoying. teachers tell me not to annoy them, or openly make fun of me in class. (multiple teachers.) even my best friend is frank with me and tells me she cant stand to be around me for more than a few hours. i try my hardest to control this but i cannot. i know other opinions shouldn't matter, but that is nearly impossible to rationalize when this rejection is near universal. my point being, the buisprone is working. i feel more like myself, joking around. i even enjoyed some music earlier, something that hasn't happened for me in a long time. my worry is that in being artificially happy i will be more annoying. i also have felt lately that the depression has helped me to see more clearly. most people will not like me and i feel like the antidepressants will mask this truth. i dont understand whats wrong with me, and as bad as it sounds, i feel like the depression helped me to figure out my flaws, as magnified as they were. is this a common reaction? does anyone else have experience with this?

honestly suicide isn’t that badmy family doesn’t really care about me and my friends don’t actually like me so my death isn’t going to affect anyone. suicide isn’t a terrible idea, i mean, everyone is going to die eventually. so why prolong something that’s going to happen regardless? i’m done living

i hold these to be truthas nobodies told me much different and meant it http://imgur.com/le2aaam

i'm not sure what i'm doing anymorei don't know what i want out if this or what my desired result is. i've had the worst year of my life. i dropped out of college in december to help take care of my father who had cancer. in march my grandmother (dad's mom) died and my brother and i found her while my parents were away. in september my grandfather (mom's dad) died. in november we had to put our 8 year old mastiff down because of an unknown illness. thanksgiving was spent in the cancer center icu with my father. december 9th is my birthday, i came home after a very long shift at work to my mother telling me that this is it my dad is in the 'we can only make him comfortable now' phase. my dad died on the 14th of december. i haven't grieved yet. i couldn't because i had to take care of everything so my mother and brother didn't have to. all of this while working a bullshit security job where i average about 60-70 hours a week. i'm hopelessly single and i have awful social anxiety. i was going to school for film and i am incredibly creativity blocked. i also dabble in photography and can't seem to feel good about any of my art. i just feel lost. i don't know what i'm doing with myself anymore. i have been having swells of anger and mood swings. i'm just not finding joy in things anymore. i keep thinking about running away from my life but i know that won't solve anything. i just keep coming back around to the idea that i'm just going to be miserable and depressed until it drops me one day.

do any of you randomly start crying i just kinda burst into tears for 0 apparent reason, anyone else do this?

sick of it.i'm just done. someone kill me. my thoughts are torturing me. everything is my fault. people may be sad for a bit, but they'll get over it. okay cool

it all just hit me againi was feeling ok, not great but not bad either for the entire day and generally the last few days too then all of a sudden it all just hits me and hits me hardthose feelings of worthlessness, regrets, loneliness but so much more overwhelming, i've been crying uncontrollably for the last 15 minutes. i hate this

is it bad to be attached to someone after a few days? like is that to soon?

i lost at life im pretty surei suck at my job and will most likely get fired (thanks adhd!), my parents are about to get divorced and don't care about me anyways, i just bought a car outright with my whole bank account and it broke after three days of driving, all of my friends slowly drifted apart, and me and my girlfriend are about to break up. it's literally just wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep and there's no point whatsoever in continuing. there's actually nothing left making it worth it. legitimately the only thing that can keep me happy is the joints under my bed, and even they are starting to just not do anything anymore. i haven't fully decided to go through with it yet, but if everything really ends up being as bad as it seems, i give up. been depressed since 14, and it just never went away. i hate the world and just dont want to deal with it anymore. i'm just finally over it.

what was your favorite gamecube game? super mario sunshine and attack of the twonkies were my favorites

my mom checks on me consistently to know that i'm alive i had an argument and now she comes to see me in my room to check that if i'm there or jumped out of the window. i'm not suicidal but they think something is wrong. \\n

degenerative mind. by me.mind, body, spirit. those are the things that make us human. when our mind starts to go crazy, the human in us disappears. the urge to do something keeps me up at night, does that mean i disappear? my mind is breaking, please help me. when i’m alone i can’t feel any emotions. i just want to feel something. the silence is going too kill me.

ever felt that things aren't going your way?i've been lurking here and there most of the time but today i just have to post. last week i tried to get my spirits up by treating myself to a few new things, say new headphones (ath-m50) and a new smartphone since all i have is an old phone whose number has bad memories attached to it. sounds fine right? well it turns out i got scammed buying the phone, i should've seen the signs (bacs transfer to which i let my guard down since i've successfully bought things this way, lack of contact number on website and cheapish price) and now i'm £300 short. *cut your losses and move on!* i think to myself, and that's when i realise that i've also lost some money to some ex-housemates who haven't paid their utility bills and left it to me. *couldn't get worse?* well.... i was supposed to receive pay for this small job (terrible time and not worth the effort) i did with this guy who asked for his half at the end of it, i'd get paid the whole amount direct to my bank account. never got paid. either i'm terrible with money, terribly lacking a backbone or just a mixture mixed in with stupidity. either way i feel worse than before i got the idea to treating myself. i suppose i got the headphones so that's one good thing... edit: why the downvotes? should i be focused on on writing about how negative my life is to gain any positive attention?

can't be arsed to do much of anythingso i am up early on a saturday morning and i have a ton of homework due tomorrow night but i can't be arsed to do it. i am exhausted and in physical pain from my bike ride to one of my aa meetings from last night. rode about 4 miles total and it did nothing to help me with sleeping. i'm just tired and exhausted and really starting to doubt that my parents are going to visit me like they said that would. i just feel abandoned and no one in my adoptive family really gives a shit about how i feel. i have two ropes and i don't care about what i am going to miss. i'm just done living in this hell hole that is southern california

yeah, i’m a racist i do the practice of racing, also known as racism

no matter what you’re like now, if you got bullied in middle school for watching anime you’re not a poser. it’s facts. and honestly i see more girls as posers than anyone. a lot of them are like “i’m such a weeb” and they’ve only watch 20 episodes of naruto.

despite what we will tell you californians do have an accent mine is basically standard american, but that’s cuz i was basically forced into a standard american accent cuz my family would correct me if i spoke in anything but that, so my accent is distinct from most people around me, although that’s relatively common, but most peoples accent where i live sounds like if a norcal accent had a slight southern drawl and had the speed and stressing of a valley gurl accent, it’s bazaar and so easy to understand, although the people that stray more towards the valley gurl side are a bit harder to understand i do still have a central california accent but it’s not nearly as thick as most people’s, they didn’t completely beat (not literally) it out of me

the fear of living forever has ruined the serenity of deaththinking about suicide used to be a comfort for me. the only thing that got me by. then last night the realization that after i’m dead i might still exist forever came to me. i started thinking about how there might not be an end to this. ever. that is my worst nightmare. now the one thing i had left to turn to terrifies me...i feel so trapped and there’s nothing that can end it.. i’m going to go fucking insane

my feelings are kinda fucked up so to break it down: i cry without feeling that im sad even if i get stuff that i want i cant feel happiness (not just materia things ) my general mood is kinda tending to being sad when i am not distracted but i dknt think in a depressed way etc. like i dont feel things like i used to do i know this sub isnt for mental health advise but is it normal that my feelings are fucked up like that ps: the etc is just there bcs i dont know how to explain other examples so it isnt confusing thanks for a the hell in advance

change in habits suddenly? recently i just stopped playing video games like all together just cold turkey without even realising it i now spend more time writing and producing music for the hell of it what is going on this is not normal

have been on wellbutrin for 3 months now (upped to 300 mg last week) and i am more depressed than ever. should it be working by now or should i stick it out a bit more?ssri's give me bad side effects (prozac and zoloft) to the point where i could not function. i have been abusing adderall for years, and am attempting to wean off that as well, but energy is an issue. not seeking medical advice, but just wondering if the wellbutrin should be doing something by now?

i am a teenage girl on the ~reddit~:) m̃ :):) general nsfw are ok, but don't sexualize me hope this doesn't get taken down by mods

my main symptom these days? inability to focus. would drugs help with this?i'm currently using cipralex, but i'm finding that it's losing its luster. it doesn't seem to work as powerfully nowadays as it did in the beginning. what i'm left with is an inability to focus on anything for too long; an unwillingness to do menial but important tasks, like wash the dishes, etc. it's beginning to affect my day to day life in profound ways: my creativity is plummeting, my vocabulary sucks, and i so easily get distracted from goals, conversations, tasks, etc. i've made an appointment with my doctor to talk about my options. adderall is one. any advice from you kind people would be greatly appreciated. *edit: added info.*

theres a potential that the numbness and tingling isn't neuropathyi have an appointment with a nerve specialist if it isn't np, my life will be spared. what a fucking ride ciprofloxacin has been. fuck that stupid ass drug.

i (m16) like a girl (16) and i don't really know what i should do. so basically that, but here's some more info. we've known each other for about 8 months and can say just about anything to each other. i think we have a very good friendship, but i don't know if i should take a shot if it could mean fucking up what we have now. i already know that i will confess, but i don't really know when since we haven't even seen each other since covid and have only texted and played video games with each other. so wtf should i do. wait to see her in person or do it over text.

do you ever miss a person you just met very badly? i do.

my parents think it’s weird that i’m a furry! tell them it’s not weird! i need text here so it doesn’t get removed lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

as a teenager, do you view sex as an intimate thing that can only be done with someone you love or something that really isn’t that important and can be done with anyone? i’m just curious. i think that if you love somebody and you trust them enough to be with them like that, go right ahead.

who wants a hug? i have 1 (one) hug award. who thinks they deserve to get a hug? _answer wisely._

doesn't matter if i smoke cigarettes, i'm gonna die at some point, and i'd rather enjoy myself until then.i don't agree with people. you can literally die in your sleep, hit by a car, like anything possibly. death is looming over you every single day, but people choose not to think about it, and stay trapped in their illusion of a life with petty problems. and i have to hear the back end of it.

anybody down to chat? just looking for some company

hey umm this is gonna be long but i need somewhere to vent. what would you do in this situation? i did this in form of a tiktok trend cuz comedy is my way of coping. but it is still 100% true. put a finger down if you were already pretty lonely and had few friends and then a girl named cara came into your life and you really liked her for some reason. so you ended up becoming pretty good friends and she asked you to date her and you realized that you would probably like her better as a friend but then she promised you that if it didn’t work out that she wouldn’t let it ruin the friendship. so you go on your first “date” with her and she seems pretty uninterested, so you tell her you were sorry that you made her uncomfortable after the date over text. so then she tells you that she didn’t exactly tell her parents about you and that they found out so she had to break up with you. you were fine with this but then it ends up ruining the friendship and you find out she was most likely lying about the whole parents finding out thing. you find out the real reason she broke up with you was she just started snapping another guy who turned out to be her verbally abusive ex. the guy she complained about all the time to you and now she is dating him again and threatening her with suicide if she leaves him again. oh and because of this emotional trauma you are now having to take antidepressants. oh and now she just snaps you every now and then and says hi and when you respond she leaves you on opened. yes i have posted this before but i still can’t get it off my mind and i need help coping.

my case for u/middleearthfellow context: [https://imgur.com/a/izvbccb](https://imgur.com/a/izvbccb) alr so i know this person. we've been talking for a while, and i think it's safe to call ourselves friends. she's told me about desperate reddit boys from this sub telling her they love her, while she clearly says she doesn't want any part of it. she's blocked them because it was just weird to her. please don't listen to random people on the internet without any context or proof. she's a nice person, but a note to all guys and girls: don't go professing your love for people on the internet that you barely know peace out gamers

i'm tired of my seizuressuicide is always on the table. and it sucks because i worked so hard to get off of drugs and got my kids back. i feel so selfish. i have severe rape trauma ptsd. it's a complex form and almost every night i start to get anxious about what happened, my feet tighten, my jaw pulls, and i have seizures over and over. i can't tell anyone because i have no one and i have no one because i can't tell anyone. i have to get up and take care of kid all day and then every night i'm reliving my experience and having seizures. i've gone to counseling and all it does is trigger things even worse. yesterday i damaged my legs seizing. they pulled weird. one straight and the other nearly to my chest. i know it will heal but it's just so hard to handle. i need a sleep study but i can't even get a break for that. i just can't keep doing this. the body aches after seizures, the fear, the stress

message to the all lives matter dumbasses why are you so fucking stupid??

feels like i got the summer bluesright now it feels like im being expected to do so much. to work, to pay rent, to goto school, to pay my bills, to be social to be friendly, to be confident, to be happy. im just expected to do all of this. and somehow i lost the drive to do any of this. all that gives me happiness is at the end of a bottle, drink until i can't feel my disappointment anymore. feel for a few minutes the feeling of not being expected to do any of this. and it feels liberating, but then i jump back into these empty sensation, of nothing. going day after day, saying i'm losing my happiness because of another excuse. my lack of artistic output, because i didn't workout today, because i ate wrong last night, because i didn't get enough sleep, anything to justify the numbing sensation. i guess that's what it feels like right now.

how to f natalie portman calmly?://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/natalie_portman

gamers what was your first video game you completed mine was hollow knight, i wasn't much of a gamer when i was young. so i completed the game when i was about 11 or something.

idk what to do or feeli tried to suffocate in my blanket and then tried to hang myself from a door. i want help but i can’t get it or even ask. do i even need it i’m just being a baby and wasting their time for attention. but i haven’t told anyone. my family knows i self harm but they didn’t do or say anything. i have no friends or support. i just spend all day doing nothing and then spiral

physical effects of depressioni often hear people talk about the mental/emotional effects of depression but something i don't hear, mainly from friends with depression, is how it can affect the body. almost everyday i feel like i have the flu and like someone strapped a weight vest on me. i hear about these symptoms on this subreddit but none of my friends who deal with this shit experience it. it is one more thing to add to the list of problems that i gotta keep to myself since talking about it gets me no where. i don't even know why i am posting this or even if i should. fuck it though. gotta start somewhere. oh and sorry for the shitty formatting as well. i'm on mobile since my computer is broken. :/

i plan on killing myself on july 31sti’ve had a lot of fucked up shit happen to me through out my whole life. this year has been the worst year of my life. i literally tried to do right by everyone and somehow, someway i always get fucked. i can’t even remember what being happy feels like anymore and i don’t think i want to anymore. i’ve had second thoughts because of my family and the few friends i have. the thing is i will be forgotten.. i was never really important. i told myself if things didn’t get better by july 31st, i was gonna do it. i almost feel as if no one can convince me otherwise. this might even be one of the last posts made by me. i don’t think i will be missed. i feel bad because i couldn’t live with all the trauma anymore. i wish my life could’ve been different.

when my parents die, there will be no one who cares.i am just not able to live. my body is already fucked up. i am so weird around people, i am so out of touch with this world... only 25 and already failed... unable to be a part of society ... the struggle is to hard for me ... in a way i deserve to die because i fucked my life up. my life sucks fuuck

feeling at my lowesti have been depressed and down before but lately my mind has been turning to suicide more and more. i get these thoughts when i am doing something like i wonder what it would be like to die like that. like i was swimming and i wondered how it would be to drown. i don't want to die but i feel like suicide is inevitable.

that's it. i will go to a therapist.today i had one of my worst mental breakdowns. another one and i lose my mind.

i am not depressed. just very bored. life feels like a chore and a nuisance. purpose is hard to come by. thus suicide something i am considering.i ask myself, what do people do for fun? they get a job, form new relationships, buy things and engage in recreation of various types. that's grand. so i look for jobs. most of the semi-meaningful ones require a college degree. how do i get a college degree? well, i can work my ass off paying for it by slaving away at some horrible job at wal-mart for over 40 hours a week to just pay tuition or i can get a loan that i could never default on as prescribed in law. either way, i am might be sacrificing my youth and energy going to college for 4 years (a miserable 4 years) while working or endangering myself to the possibility of working long hours to pay off a debt in a failing economy. so much work, so much effort, so much risk. for what? oh, to have more money to be with friends, family and engage in recreation. here's the problem: i am socially incompetent. i have no friends. i have no use for the excessive consumerist crud everyone buys. my relationship with my family is okay but they expect so much of me. they expect me to play this miserable game. i see no point in the game of life. i see only effort. i see no reward. thus i want to quit with a bullet to my head. why shouldn't i quit? why am i wrong? why am i delusional/insane/etc.? meh, i sound like an ass. i'm sorry. thanks to anyone who feels i am worth their time.

my allergies have never been so bad my nose is stuffed i can barley breathe when i sleep i sneeze every 30 minutes and you dont wanna know how much comes out my eyes burn and i have the chills

today my grandma who i played minecraft passed away she used to watch me when i was younger while i was playing minecraft she would tell me what to build and other stuff always got me sandwiches she was very kind and it's very sad how fast people come and go i hope she is at better places now sorry for writing it here i have no one else to talk to