language
stringclasses 2
values | text
stringlengths 4
22.6k
⌀ |
|---|---|
English | Suicide another chapter I constantly field can't die nothing works I can't jump I never take enough pills I can't cut that carbon monoxide doesn't work or I'm too stupid and coward to use these methods correctly The last thing I can think of is drowning Why Why don't I die I want this more than anything else I feel like I'm immortal you don't know how many people would be happy if I just disappeared But nothing is ever enough |
English | Hi apologies for the inane rambles but I think I could use some help Feeling overwhelmed lately and having issues coping with my anxiety I've barely left the house and will usually go a few days at a time without speaking to people A lot of the time it's just my mother screaming about how she hates her life wants to kill herself and constantly swearing or directing her anger towards me, I'll try and talk to her calmly, but it usually just results in her yelling Fuck you or You don't understand I used to cut and burn myself pretty heavily but have avoided any self harm for the last five is years Last night set off my anxiety pretty badly and I had a really tough time not scratching or picking at myself and desperately wanted to do more I took sleeping pills to pass out and avoid going any further but now the feeling is back and I'm not really sure what to do I'm really struggling with wanting to continue with my life I am generally an optimist but as time goes on I can't help but feel like nothing is going to change I feel like a burden to my parents and friends I'm tired I'm in constant chronic pain my hair is falling out in clumps I just don't know what to do any more apologies for any grammar spelling mistakes a bit shaky at the moment |
French | Partout où je peux trouver des informations sur les moyens de me suicider, je doute sincèrement que ce soit l'endroit pour demander cela, je pourrais trouver quelqu'un qui est au courant, alors aidez un frère, je n'ai pas accès et ne peux pas avoir accès à un pistolet et me pendre semble trop de souffrance, je pensais à une guillotine, ce qui est probablement la façon dont je vais m'y prendre, mais je me demande s'il y a d'autres moyens qui sont |
French | Embaucher un assassin pour se suicider Est-ce que quelqu'un a envisagé d'embaucher un assassin pour se tuer parce qu'ils n'ont pas le courage de le faire eux-mêmes J'ai envisagé cette idée depuis un certain temps Je n'ai pas le courage de me suicider Je n'ai pas non plus le courage de faire quelque chose qui vaille la peine de ma vie |
French | Et si tout le monde qui a eu BPD plus traumatisme de l'enfance est mort, je pense à rejoindre la statistique de voir comment sans avoir une bonne enfance ou toute cette merde avec BPD, je ne peux jamais être heureux, mais seulement si je meurs maintenant, je peux être libre, je peux mourir avec une famille encore meilleure, j'ai été maltraité par ma mère, des ceintures physiques, des menaces verbales et des noms horribles. |
English | Im falling out of love with myself and I take it out on my loved ones I want to drink so fucking bad again I miss the taste of whiskey dripping down my throat I just want to disappear |
French | Je veux mourir, je suis laid, je n'ai pas d'amis, oui, je parle aux personnes âgées, mais ce n'est pas pour quelque chose de bizarre, car je suis seul et je veux des amis dans mon école, je n'en ai pas, je marche dans les couloirs, la tête basse, je ne pensais pas que j'étais si difficile de demander un ami que je coupe pour m'aider, ça aide un peu, mais je veux vraiment être un ami. |
English | Loneliness is killing memo I want to speak to people and fit in but I can't every time I go out my brain reminds me of how different and stupid I look I cant find other way to express how I feel when I'm in class other than sort of thinking of myself in rd person like watching yourself from behind everything I do is calculated and I can't fucking concentrate on other things I think about every muscle I move and everything I do from fidgeting to moving my feet I took Xanax the other day, and it helped me a little but not much I still could feel the anxiety plus everyone is the fucking same and does the same if i don't connect with anyone the next person is the same so I guess I'm fucked I'm worthless well I guess I'm the laughingstock of society at least I can do that shit |
English | Down up and back down against s been a while since I've posted sorry it may be a little long My life has always been similar to Kurt Cobain not exact, but I could really relate a great deal I had stomach problems I used drugs to cope I'm bipolar I love his music He was sort of my idol for a while Just a lot of things which I can't really remember right now And I turned last year which was a year I thought I would die ever since a teen I'm amazed I made it this far But will I really reach Loneliness was the worst for me, I hated it so much And, yet I stopped myself many times from getting into relationships Being bipolar it's hard to find someone that really understands or could understand It's not something I like to bring up and have people know unless I'm going to get involved with them, It was the loneliness that always brought the suicidal thoughts Last year I met someone after being years single She's fun understanding cool The last year we had a good time there were bad moments but a lot of good ones too She understood me more than most people She also loved Kurt Cobain and I think that was part of why she liked me She pushed me to get meds and help myself a bit more than I did when I was just alone And the meds help but too many meds and I don't feel like myself I get really numb in emotion and cant express myself A few weeks ago I would have said everything was great But a week after our anniversary I had a dream where she said she cheated on me Which is weird because I never really dream about that and it was oddly specific I texted her that morning and she called me a few hours later saying she did kiss her ex last night Which kind of crushed my world I went into a spiral and i m still kind of in it Not as bad but i m not sure where to go from here I'm just trying to figure out what she actually did is she lying is she afraid of losing me And it hurts She says it was just a kiss but how can I trust what she says when she said she would never do that If i didn't have meds i m not sure I would be talking to you guys right now But even with the meds I'm still not and I never will be I'm resistant to therapy I don't have time and I don't like the idea My mind just changes whenever it wants and some day sim better and some day sim worst The last few days it s been worse and i m still figuring out what to do We're still together but i m not sure I can ever trust her the same again It hurts because she was cheated on before and she said she would never do that to me yet she did Maybe she did fuck him maybe not It's painful to just think about it, I just feel lost and i m not sure ill ever feel like I did before It feels like people always take advantage of me And I hate it I hate life so much sometimes I hate doing the same thing over and over I never have money to do anything I never have energy to go out when I'm depressed I'm so used to the feeling of depression when it goes away it feels like a big part of me is gone I'm just losing the grip I had to this world I have nothing left here or so it seems I've done more than most people and I'm only I don't feel like it will get any better anytime soon It'll just be the same thing from year after year maybe even worse since I'm getting older It feels like living in hell I had one decent year after years of depression and now it's even worse than when I was lonely because the person I love betrayed my trust And maybe I can forgive but it won't be the same Every time I'm alone the thought comes back into my head and it constantly pokes at my mind Relationships have always been like this for me, I'm either super lonely or somehow something happens even though I give it my all I'm not really a good bf I sometimes need a lot of support and it drains people which is why I avoided them Sorry for the long post I just needed to let it out I'm not sure where i ll go from here but hopefully I'll figure something out |
French | null |
English | Need the courage to end this ve written the notes I've researched methods I've been ready to leave for years But I'm a pussy and can't just end it Everyday I wake up saying this will be the day I've tried time and time again to just fucking overdose What I have in the house isn't strong enough, but I can't leave the house to get the strong shit I need this to end I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE How can I get the courage to end it I can't take one more minute of this |
French | Je suis sur le point de le faire Bonne chance vous tous essayant de me convaincre de ne pas le faire j'ai prévu pour mon suicide d'être dans quelques heures N'hésitez pas à essayer de me convaincre, mais je doute fortement que vous pouvez |
English | FM I m done I m done living I have Gender Dysphoria MTF I'll never be a female I'm so lonely hopeless depressed I really just want to die I don't know why I'm even writing this no one cares anyway Goodbye |
English | Feeling passively suicidal a lot I think about it a lot I google depression tests all the time Like I need someone to give me permission To reassure me that I feel like this because I definitely have mental health problems Even though I've been diagnosed by my Dr and am on meds Which were helping but I stopped taking because I froze But also feel ridiculous and self-indulgent because what the fuck am I so depressed about How selfish am I to even entertain killing myself WTF is wrong with me And that it's all attention seeking every self test I do tells me I'm high risk and I should go straight to emergency room because I'm in crisis But I just can't take it seriously Is it normal to feel like this I don't know how to move on I don't want to cause pain to my kids or husband but i don't want to live like this either |
French | Après dans l'UOIF je meurs est mon frère financièrement responsable de mon appartement de conseil comme si je meurs cela lui coûtera de l'argent ou le conseil nettoiera-t-il le conseil disposera-t-il de mon corps ou sera-t-il coincé devant payer pour cela |
French | Pourquoi pas Pourquoi ne devrais-je pas me tuer, j'ai échoué à tout ce que j'ai jamais essayé Si quelque chose n'est pas rapide et facile, je l'évite, je suis paresseux, faible, égoïste et juste désagréable d'être autour de moi, je me regarde dans le miroir et je grince des yeux et je regarde vite, je suis socialement attardé, je n'ai jamais eu de relation d'aucune sorte |
English | Not sure if this fits here I'm not really depressed I struggled with it a few years ago and being alone for a few years actually helped me develop some coping skills for it But it always pops back up Except lately I haven't been depressed just suicidal I m in a relatively good mood even having good days most of the time great days Things are actually looking up for me as of late But no matter what's going on or how I feel I still want to die Not necessarily kill myself just disappear I don't really understand why, but it just seems more and more appealing so just drop off the face of the Earth and die somewhere I would look like an accident or a tragedy to all my friends and family, so I wouldn't have to worry so much about the harsh impact I'm really confused Not about dying just about why I feel this way I'm not depressed actually more often than not I m in an upbeat mood and even in those moments will think about it Just going out in the woods somewhere intentionally getting bitten by rattlesnake and being found dead I don't expect any responses on here kind of wanted to say that out loud maybe get another opinion on how weird this is because it feels weird Because I'm just tired of being alive Always felt like I was just an extra person kind of like everyone has a purpose and then there's me Just the extra one wasn't really supposed to slip through the cracks or I was supposed to die at a lot earlier of an age Kind of like I'm using up someone else s life and resources that could be better utilized by someone else I don't know bottom line I feel weird, and I don't want to be alive anymore |
French | Travailler pour les entreprises qui gagnent plus d'argent en un jour que vous ne le ferez en un an ne pouvait se permettre que des choses que vous n'aimez pas encore à la télévision et sur les réseaux sociaux, tout le monde a ce qu'il veut. |
French | Mourir, c'est être libre d'être libre de ce monde de merde que je veux, je pense que je le ferai. |
English | Hopelessness permeates everything don't really have anyone to talk to so I'm here I'm just worthless A fairly defective waste of space human being I epitomize the word useless In my pathetic years of life I've done nothing of significance or discernible impact I have virtually no friends because I can't seem to break past my aloof reserved shell that desperately yearns for acceptance and love beneath its surface I was bullied relentlessly throughout much of my life and the permanent impact on my self-esteem is unequivocal My parents have been in dire financial straits for all of my life they've always struggled to maintain any semblance of stability We went periods without a car period where they put our house on the market because the mortgage was so damn overdue both of them have been perpetually under amp unemployed It s fucked me up irrevocably I forever feel as though ending up like them is inevitable I feel powerless and wholly incapable of ever improving my life station It breaks my goddamn heart now to know they're still struggling immensely, and I can't do a fucking thing to ease their burdens Mom and Dad both suffer from depression Mom s apparently manifested after she had me and it has stuck since She attempted suicide when I was and I've always carried that fucking weight with me Awesome job what a surprise Your birth resulted in your mother being cursed with an enduring agonizing mental illness and spurred her to almost end her life I love my parents don't get me wrong but that fact makes me even more wracked with unfathomable guilt If that isn't a sign I shouldn't have been fucking born what is I decided to go to college miles from home last year for a fresh start No longer tethered to the entrenched notions of me that bullying cemented no longer subjected to the constant realization that my parents are barely scraping by Well thus far I have failed completely at every fucking painstaking effort to improve my life I made two close friends last year a goddamn miracle considering my staggering inability to do so prior One transferred The other I started dating after a few months I was head over heels felt as though life was acknowledging my existence after a shit ton of rejection in high school I was finally happy outrageously ecstatic I built my social life around him devoted every fiber of my being to him not an advisable decision I realize Anand he dumped me And refused to ever speak to me again after nearly a year of near constant interaction and undying affection on my end And hey at least it proved that I really am as fucking worthless as I feel So I m miles away from my family yet lost all the fucking friends I made last year and all vestiges of my former happiness have dissipated My grades are decent but my virtually non-existent self-esteem has hindered any efforts at internships thus far and I'm not nearly as involved as I need to be My fucking anxiety and my irreparable image of myself mean I m fucked for any future employment endeavors I have barely any experience thus far and I'm too damn cowardly to put myself out there so how will I even begin to function as an adult I'm not normally disposed to whining and believe me I know how dramatic and superficial and self-imposed my complaints sound But I'm just fucking done I'm fucking done with feeling like such a miserable pathetic failure Hopelessness pervades every inch of my being I've made it years without fostering any meaningful relationships without any fucking achievements without generating any faith in myself to successfully pursue future prospects My crippling fucking depression anxiety stymies me I hate myself so goddamn much I am fucking incapable of making friends of convincing someone that I'm lovable and it all just feels so futile I'm not old by any means but I remember being or and saying Just wait for it to get better before you think about that And it hasn't gotten better I just continuously fuck things up my horribly awkward personality diminishes all opportunities failure is an inextricable facet of my being I just don't know how to be happy I don't think I'll ever find happiness I don't think I'll ever find success and I just don't fucking know what to do I have nothing to live for and all the color is long faded I love my family I'm damn thrilled for every person that loves their life and I wish I could ease the pain of all those that don't But when it comes to me, I genuinely am a lost because I don't think there's any mechanism to fix the person who has been marred by a lifetime of pain sadness strife and consistent failure I don't believe in myself to ever make things better I don't think I have the strength energy or capability And I just don't know I'm just so fucking sad as I sit here alone in my room with no hopes for the future no hopes for myself no hopes for progress and so much fucking pain to reconcile myself with Thanks for reading if anyone does As stated my apologies for whining and the drama Just needed to vent No one in my life knows I'm struggling this much as I don't really have anyone to confide in amp I don't want to be a burden It also breaks my fucking heart to imagine anyone else in this much pain feeling this fucked up and hopeless and God how I wish I could just take away the pain from everyone It's not fucking fair and this fucking sucks I'm just so sorry |
French | null |
French | J'ai fini, tout le monde dans ma maison est en colère contre moi, je ne sais pas si mes parents sont verbalement abusifs ou non parce qu'ils ne m'appellent pas ou ne me maudissent pas, mais ils crient toujours et chaque fois qu'ils le font, je pleure, je veux mourir comme un énorme bébé pleureur, je sens que ma vie est si bonne ou quoi que ce soit, je ne me soucie plus, je veux juste m'échapper. |
English | Nye and alone again My entire friend group is hanging out tonight and they're all sleeping at one of their houses Every single one of my friends Even my best friend And they didn't invite me But I'm looking at these pictures and fuck I'm so sad My little sister came home from visiting our grandparents they asked my parents to send HER down and not me She keeps talking about really sensitive topics and making little comments and I'm already dealing with my insecurities and she's making me feel even shittier I must be such a burden on my friends and I hate myself I really fucking hate myself I feel so alone and I have no one to talk to My parents don't realize that they actually just make everything worse because they are so so so insensitive and the don't understand They thought I was faking my depression at first until they caught me cutting God I feel so alone, and I wish I could die I can't go through another year of this bullshit but I'm not sure how to do it I'd vomit pills I'm not courageous enough to hang myself or slit my neck and I'm too young to get a gun I have never posted to this sub so dirk what to expect but typing that out for a bunch of strangers made me feel a bit better |
English | I honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore m but I feel like my life is already over I just want to fall asleep forever My GPA went from average to completely nonexistent I constantly push everyone away and struggle taking care of myself I'm so exhausted I try to tell my parent that, but then he gets upset with me and says it s because of the phone I've wanted to kill myself for years now I can't get therapy my parent doesn't believe in it, and frankly I don't blame him There was a point in my life where I was on so much medication because of a doctor that I ended up in the hospital After getting out of an abusive household I don't know how to function All I think about is trying to kill myself I end up forcing my emotions so much that I'm the end people try to stay away from me because I'm fake I just don't want to do this any more I don't want to be alive I want to kill myself so badly I've tried to get help in the past but no one actually cared |
English | A person I know is gone She took her life yesterday in the afternoon She was this sweet girl is yo and now I regret I didn't make friends with her maybe I could ve helped Not that I m in a very different situation emotionally it just makes things more devastating I don't know how to feel with this happening so close when you can see how s the peoples reaction the judgement |
English | I m losing all hope it's not getting better quarantine has ruined my life i didn't have friends to begin with, but this period of quarantine is making it worse at the beginning I was dating someone who didn't give a fuck about me and only talked to me when he was horny or no one else was around I had friends but I only mattered to them when they needed something I cut everyone off making online friends has been a dead end people want to pity and infantilize me, and it makes me feel worse I can manage myself just fine i m just fucking lonely and i m tired of doing the same things over and over I don't have the energy to care about politics RN because i m too privileged for people in power to even pretend to care about my issues I feel guilty for even complaining because others have it much worse than I do so what right do I have to feel as hopeless as I do I even feel bad for saying i m tired of hearing about politics constantly I feel bad for admitting I don't have the energy for it, i m fucking drained i m so tired of it I keep forcing myself to be productive just so that I don't feel entirely worthless I sit in my room reading drawing studying writing for hours on end but when that's all over what meaning does it hold in the end i m losing my grip on things that i shouldn't be nothing is giving me hope anymore this situation will only get worse I keep fighting with myself to stay productive, but it means nothing i m sick of the same thing day in and day out this is giving me too much time alone with my mind and now i m in the worst mental space i ve been in for a long time I never thought i d be this close to rock bottom again |
French | null |
French | Reddit J'ai besoin d'aide Je suis en train de réfléchir sur les avantages et les inconvénients d'un suicide et la méthode que je ne peux pas trouver une raison de continuer Je veux dire en plus de blesser mes parents, je vais faire quoi Le monde va continuer Je ne sais même pas pourquoi je suis si près de cela, mais pour au moins les cinq derniers mois, je veux savoir comment je vais Je vais dans un état dépressif C'est la raison pour laquelle je vais dormir |
English | It would be so easy to just do it Took my cat to the crematorium today Said my goodbyes Everyone s offered their condolences, but I don't think they really get how important he was to me, He was the only cat living thing I've known who really understood me We were on the same wavelength Now I'm surrounded by people, but it feels like I might as well be on a deserted island for how connected I feel to them Everyone else in the house is going to be out tonight There's a shotgun in the garage It would be so easy to just end it Everyone today talked about the rainbow bridge and while I think it s bullshit I can't help but hope that maybe Wheatley s there waiting for me |
French | Finir ma vie le jour de mon anniversaire est à la fin février, je vais tout finir, alors je me suis promis depuis que je l'étais que je le ferais quand j'étais, je ne peux vraiment pas supporter de vivre et je ne peux pas attendre que tout cela soit fini. |
English | Suicide hotline did nothing but make me feel worse called them during a terrible crisis episode and they didn't help at all The woman sounded annoyed during the whole thing Bc I was having a panic Attack and couldn't form complete sentences She made me feel worse now IDK what to do IDK where to go I feel horrible |
French | Je suis vaincu Aujourd'hui est mon dernier jour sur cette terre J'aimerais pouvoir dire que je vais le passer avec des amis et des proches, mais au lieu de cela, je ne serai plus Il n'y a plus personne à qui dire au revoir Plus aucune raison de rester J'ai toujours su que cela finirait de cette façon |
English | I'm going to die today scared and hate everything about me, I am a failure and don't want to hurt anyone else that I meet I just want this to be over |
French | Une erreur a ruiné ma vie lundi soir j'ai été pris en train de faire du vol à l'étalage et la police a été appelée je n'ai que des années, mais en Caroline du Nord, je ne suis pas accusée en tant qu'adulte, j'ai reçu un billet pour un délit et ma date de cour n'est pas jusqu'en octobre, je ne suis pas désolée, mais cette habitude n'a pas été oubliée. |
French | null |
French | En ce qui concerne les abus sexuels dans l'enfance a été abusé comme un âge de l'enfant par un homme qui a travaillé dans notre église Oui ce qui m'est arrivé était assez mauvais, mais je peux passer outre que ce que je ne peux pas passer est que je n'ai pas dit à personne pendant des années, je n'ai pas dit à d'autres enfants ce qui m'est arrivé, j'aurais dû dire à quelqu'un que j'aurais pu |
English | This loneliness is just so bad like I said in a post before why should I feel this way Well it's getting worse I want this pain to stop and maybe maybe doing this might end this pain I feel so unimportant and useless and this loneliness is making me shake so much I don't know what to do |
English | What will happen if I go to the ER and tell them I want to kill myself Will I be involuntarily admitted Will I be able to use my phone |
English | I want to disappear have a family, so I really can't do anything even though I want to My public image has been completely destroyed I have a terrible reputation I'm always anxious I'm depressed rarely I have a good day and think this ll actually work out in the end I have no reason to be except my family I'd either go somewhere far, far away though that wouldn't fix my problem or make me happy or I'd kill myself because that would end my terrible existence My life s been a mess since my childhood My friends are there for me, they offer me their help but why would I accept it when it doesn't even matter what I make of myself and what I think of myself when I'm an absolute nobody A disgrace I'm really ashamed of myself and I don't want to wake up in the morning I don't want to talk to people I don't want people to look at me know that someone like me exists I hate my life I hate myself I don't want to work on my future self when I'm an absolute zero |
English | I'm sick of feeling this way m pretty sure I have PCs and my family denies it I have a shot ton of body hair, and it makes me want to kill myself I've had suicidal thoughts for two months now I'm sick of waking up feeling disgusting and I'm sick of not being normal Every other girl in my school is pretty and normal and not hairy and disgusting like me Why did God sleep on me Why did I have to be born I'm so ready to just end it IDC if I'm only and have the test rest of my life ahead of me or whatever bullshit I can't take it anymore I know killing myself over body are is stupid, but I feel fucking awful I hate myself so much Why why why Please if there's a God out there just kill me I don't care if my family loves me or my friends I know that's selfish, but I don't fucking care I just want the pain to stop Everyone is better off without me, I used to be such a cute happy girl Now all I do is think of the quickest way out I'm probably just going to kill myself once the school year ends The body and facial hair is just going to get worse, and I can't handle it I can't handle being disgusting anymore I just can't I'm sick of waking up feeling like this I'm sick of crying every time I look at myself I'm sick of being me I'm eventually gonna break anyway I'm so fucking done I have nothing left in me any more I've already written a suicide note for when I do it I don't know how I'll do it but I'll find a way FUCK this I'm not just going to sit here and look at myself become a disgusting hairy monster I'm not going to sit here and feel terrible every day for the rest of my life I'm not going to try and get treatment for PCs because percent of the time the treatments don't do anything It's hopeless I have no hope left I'm literally writing this in English class next to my best friends I'll hang out with them for the rest of the year and then I m done They don't have to know what happened I'll just tell them I have to move to a different state Thank you to the people who have listened but there's no light at the end of the tunnel |
French | Je ne sais pas ce qui n'allait pas avec moi quand j'étais enfant, mais je me stressais à propos de tout au point où je ne pouvais plus respirer et je le fais encore à ce jour. |
French | Je suis un animal Je ne suis pas meilleur qu'un chien ou un oiseau Quand vous écoutez les gens parler d'animaux, ils parlent toujours d'une manière qui leur donne l'impression d'être inférieurs à nous, Ils oublient de me considérer comme des animaux eux-mêmes. |
English | The academic year is closing to an end and the summer is coming something that should have killed me last year last July my depression which had always been stable had gone of the rails I've seen too many doctors who don't understand and the pain of each minute is becoming too much there is so much stress and on top of that I'm just so damn lonely I can't tell people about my problems because nobody ever gets it maybe they will but by then I would have already been many years dead |
French | Je mourrai seul à ce moment-là et je n'ai jamais eu de petite amie ni jamais eu de petite conversation avec une fille que j'ai essayée, mais je ne peux pas trouver la bonne fille avec laquelle je ne peux pas prendre les nombreuses années de solitude que je vais finir très bientôt. |
English | Train foodie a few hours I will jump in front of a train Wish me luck |
French | Comment TF êtes-vous dans une relation et toujours déprimé Vous avez littéralement gagné à la vie lol Pendant ce temps, le reste d'entre nous n'ont personne |
French | Je ne suis pas assez fort pour les luttes de la vie, je suis trop lâche pour me blesser au-delà de ce que j'ai fait jusqu'à présent, donc je doute que quiconque me prenne au sérieux, je ne veux pas mourir sur quelque chose qui ne me tuera pas. |
English | Heyik nobody knows me and I don't post here and I've only done it like twice, but I need to tell someone I plan on just hanging myself in the next few days I don't really have anyone to stop me at this point and I can easily get access to materials I already wrote letter for sum I love not like they're ever going to read it because why would they waste more time on someone like me but I need to handwrite the rest for my family and that is going to be really tough, and I expect to cry a lot so that's going to suck but at least it'll all be over in a couple of days just gotta get to the store or maybe I can find some around the house I'll try |
French | Je dois juste dire que c'est bon d'être si en colère tout le temps au lieu d'être déprimé Je suis toujours incroyablement amer chaque matin Je me réveille que je dois continuer à traverser cela parce que je ne peux pas me tuer à cause de ma mère Mais je dois dire que c'est bon d'avoir plus d'énergie pour une fois J'ai l'impression d'avoir un mal de tête persistant tout le temps Mes mamans pleurent à l'étage |
French | Tout ne va pas bien mon vieux cul papa putain me crie toujours quand je joue à l'ordinateur et dit étude putain Il sait que j'étais le meilleur élève de l'école de sciences et il ne s'en soucie même pas Il pense sim paresseux et je planification me tuer aujourd'hui si je peux sortir de cette putain de maison, je vais trouver un viaduc et me jeter quand les voitures passent |
English | I feel like my life peaked a long time ago, and I don't really see a reason to keep going My life peaked when I was years old sure I was getting bullied in school, but I had friends that I'd play Lego Star Wars with on the weekends I have a hard time making friends nowadays due to my social ineptitude and that I'm afraid to bother other people It's also because I'm overweight and not athletic I also have a hard time trusting people because the last person I thought was my friend just talked to me to con me out of steam games I just get tired whenever I think of my future I won't make any friends and I'll therefore live in solitude I'll work grueling hours at a job I'm not passionate about only to leave barely no time for things I'm actually passionate about Life is already not fun and it's not going to get any better I've wanted to kill myself for a while but the only reason I haven't yet is that it would break my mum and dad which are the only people that care about me in this world |
French | Je me sabote, je suis censé prendre un nouveau traitement pour ma dépression et mon anxiété et je continue à aller en thérapie en disant que je le prends, mais je n'en ai pas pris une seule pilule depuis un mois, je suis tellement stupide que je ne peux pas le croire, je me sabote et je le réalise et je le fais toujours. |
French | L'émotion qui vient avec la vie quotidienne est trop perdu tellement j'ai tellement plus à perdre C'est censé être normal Je ne pense pas que je peux |
French | J'ai l'impression que si je me tuais, les seules personnes dont la vie empirerait seraient ma mère et ma grand-mère. Pas mes amis, pas ma femme. Je suis littéralement tout ce que ma mère a, donc je sens que je ne pourrais jamais lui faire ça. |
English | UPDATE I took some pills To everyone asking I'm okay I told my mum and got yelled at a load but I went to the hospital |
English | What's the point of being alive anyway I'm miserable I'm working a minimum wage job even though I have a college degree and several certifications credentials I fucked those opportunities up with failed drug tests I m My family is very poor and after hurricane Florence our house needs several repairs we are unable to afford I hate myself I'm a bad person I'm so fat and unattractive I'm never had a boyfriend or any kind of intimate relationship My dad is verbally and physically abusive He yells at how incompetent I am everyday I'm trying to get another job to get out Only thing keeping me going is my small dogs but even then I feel like I'm just a burden to them, I literally think about killing myself over times an hour but don't want to fail and be involuntarily committed like x before I'm so miserable It can't be me meant for me to stay alive feeling like this |
English | Nothing is Wrong With Me In Theory But Everything Makes Me Want to Fucking Kill Myself first felt suicidal in I have been pretty good about taking my bipolar meds But I have been off them for three days and I feel like ending it, yet again I have had countless hundreds of suicidal thoughts over the past six years and two attempts I don't really know if it gets better and for how long It just makes me feel like getting better is a big fucking tease I am better for a couple of days, and then I spend All Fucking Day Inside I've spent six hours on my phone today I think it causes my depression to get worse but here I am rambling for hours and posting posts a day across social media What in God s name is wrong with me |
English | Angry sad hopeless Feeling like there's not much option otherwise I really just feel like I try to make friends and meet people and no one ever really feels interested in meeting me I get blown off a lot And I wish I could say that that's all it is, but I just don't feel like anyone finds me worthwhile any more I just overall feel like everyone they know would be better off without me Not really sure what else to do I just wish that I felt better Ha |
French | Combien est-il douloureux de se faire renverser par un train qui peut être mon hôtel facile pour tous ceux qui veulent m'aider avec mon plus long souhait de mort encore |
English | Year old I know what I want to do with my life but at this point I'm just so tired of living ve been contemplating suicide more often than usual the past couple of days I've been doing my research and am already planning things out in my head I'm so fed up with life at A few years ago it would ve been so different I was always so damn motivated and enthusiastic about being alive I always thought that it was wonderful to live and breathe and have so many possibilities to embrace But at this point my financial situation is making my morale hit such a low point I guess I'm posting here hoping that there must be someone out there who s been through something similar and can save me from a premature death and make me realize that no matter what the situation it's all worth it and that one must keep on going Do I need clarity and a little snap back Maybe I've been working freelance and am a diligent worker but all the hard work doesn't really compensate well with what I get paid for Am I entitled Maybe I am but how the world works sucks in the first place, so I consider my point valid AF Also working full-time just doesn't work for me anymore after having to go through a couple traumatic experiences and understanding that my current field just doesn't do it for me, I live away from my family lost my father a couple of months ago and have since had a strained relationship with my mother In our conservative family I've always been a sore thumb I always thought that might my stifling childhood had been different this wouldn't be happening right now But who know I might just be sugarcoating things Heck I'm supposed to start with art design school next month in one of my dream universities to pursue a second degree I consider this as an accomplishment as it s something that I've been aiming to achieve for the last five years and now I'm finally getting closer to it happening It's my passion and my advocacy I always believed that the field that I have chosen to study would help me in my goal of making the world a better place as cheesy as that may sound But fate can really work wonders We're getting kicked out of the house that we're renting without prior notice and in order to move in to another place I'd have to shell out a huge amount which I don't really have right now although I'm trying my best to earn And with all the things that I have to deal with at the moment school fees living expenses and rent learning that we had to find another place to live in ASAP doesn't really help the situation On top of that I don't really like one of my housemates the main guy who oversees all the transactions with the house owner he's irresponsible but he tries to have a front that shows how mature and responsible he is lol and quite conceited That's just very secondary though because if I had other options right now I d very much rather have my own place I have prepared a suicide note and in it the last line read I'd rather die than live a lie I know a lot of people will be surprised and saddened should I choose to kill myself I already can envision the sequence of events that will happen amongst my circle once it happens And I know that in a couple of years it won't really amount to anything everyone should move forward with life when they re in a position that will allow for that be very grateful if you are in such a position What about my aspirations I'd like to believe that I can achieve and work on them better if ever I'd be given a chance at a different lifetime where my footing is a lot better Such is life |
French | Soit jeudi ou vendredi pourrait aller de l'avant et engager soit ce jeudi ou vendredi Je ne sais pas quoi faire de plus Je veux juste que la douleur cesse |
French | Je déteste tellement ce que j'avais été sur un de mes highs pendant un certain temps peut-être un mois ou deux qui est arrivé à être l'un des plus longs highs que j'ai jamais connu, surtout depuis que je suis habituellement hors et sur tous les deux jours, mais aujourd'hui j'ai finalement écrasé Et garçon je me suis écrasé Je ne peux pas arrêter de pleurer et de trembler et de penser au suicide |