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French | Est-ce que quelqu'un peut me donner un conseil Automutilation Ma petite amie dort à côté de moi en ce moment Je viens de découvrir qu'elle est encore automutilante quand elle dit qu'elle s'est arrêtée pendant des années Je ne sais pas quoi faire Je lui ai écrit un poème et elle a fait semblant d'aller à la salle de bain et puis est revenue en portant de longues manches, alors j'ai supposé qu'elle était froide |
English | Next week planning on doing it Monday |
French | Je ne peux pas trouver l'intérêt de vivre plus je suis une survivante d'agression sexuelle et chaque jour je souhaite que mon agresseur m'ait tué Il m'a menacé avec ça, et j'étais si près de mourir de lui m'étouffer, mais j'ai décidé de l'écouter seulement pour me sauver Je suis si fou que j'ai eu un moyen de sortir et je n'ai pas pris soin de lui Je suis coincé |
French | Elle n'est même plus ma meilleure amie Alors ce n'est pas vraiment un sur la façon dont je suis déprimé, mais plus sur ce que mon meilleur ami a fait Nous étions les meilleurs amis pendant des années Elle a déménagé il y a des années et jamais visité Nous serions toujours FaceTime donc je pensais que c'était cool jusqu'à ce qu'il y a quelques mois elle a cessé de me parler Ce que j'ai essayé de la laisser me rendre visite |
French | Je suis juste en train de comprendre pourquoi je suis si déprimée, j'essaie juste de m'expliquer pourquoi je suis si déprimée au point où je veux me tuer, je ne pouvais pas l'expliquer au début et je sentais que tu devais être dans ma tête. |
French | Je ne me soucie plus de ma santé, de mon bien-être, je ne me soucie vraiment pas moins, je ne veux pas être guérie de cette merde, je veux mourir, c'est tout ce que je veux, et je ne me soucie plus de quoi que ce soit. |
French | J'ai essayé de l'ouvrir je ne pouvais même pas l'afficher à la fin j'ai essayé mais comme je me rapprochais avec cet énorme poste je me suis gardé je ne sais pas quoi faire plus je sais que je suis à la croisée des chemins et je savais que la plupart des routes ne mènent nulle part et ceux qui le font je suis trop peur de prendre |
French | Je suis marié depuis des années maintenant j'ai une belle fille de l'année et de l'extérieur je regarde en moi et ma famille, j'ai l'impression que si j'avais tout mon mari j'ai un travail très payant, donc je peux rester à la maison et prendre soin de mon bébé j'ai perdu mon chien j'ai perdu mon chien j'ai perdu ma vie j'ai vécu quelque chose avant cela j'ai vécu |
French | Je vais y mettre fin bientôt vraiment penser que certaines personnes ne sont tout simplement pas taillées pour cette vie Je suis certain que je n'ai aucun espoir de le faire et donc dans les deux prochaines semaines, je vais y mettre fin Juste en attente de ma commande en ligne pour arriver ici et j'aurai tout ce dont j'ai besoin |
French | Les gars, j'ai vraiment besoin de vos conseils, je vais aller droit au but, l'un de mes meilleurs amis se blesse régulièrement et a des tendances suicidaires, nous sommes la seule source de soutien pour l'autre en ce moment, donc je veux faire tout ce que je peux pour l'aider. |
English | Shopping to distract myself feel so fucking miserable I can't sleep at night and stay up looking for things to buy to make me happy I'm so fucking stressed with school and working jobs There s lack of support but high expectations from my parents I feel like screaming and crying all the fucking time I feel so over worked but no one cares because we're all tired not just you feel like I'm not allowed to feel sad or angry and my family just gets mad at me without even trying to acknowledge my feelings My family and boyfriend are writing me off as over emotional and shopping is the only thing keeping me happy Sometimes I just hurt myself because I feel like I'm just a fucking burden to everyone but buying expensive bags or clothes makes me feel loved even if it's just me loving myself |
French | Je pense que je me sens engourdie hm bien c'était mon anniversaire il y a quelques jours et seulement trois de mes amis m'ont envoyé un texto joyeux anniversaire et j'ai apprécié le fait que bien essayé de faire des plans pour ce soir et tout le monde a ignoré mes textes et honnêtement je m'en fiche je me sens encore engourdie à ce point je ne ressens pas de douleur je me sens vide pour être honnête. |
French | null |
English | SW Should we really be allowing posts that claim to have already committed suicide Is this causing more harm than good When there are posts made here that are basically Hey I just took a bunch of sleeping pills this is my last post goodbye and then the OP doesn't actually respond to anything further it leads to several possibilities Maybe they really did commit suicide and they are using r SW as a place to announce it This place then becomes an announcement board for people who have actually committed suicide rather than a place to help them Is that really the role we want to have If someone is really committing suicide and using r SW as a place to announce it then they are getting the postmortem attention that they desire, and they feel satisfaction in doing so It is like their final message to the world and r SW is serving as a platform for that final message This could encourage other people on the fence to go through with it and actually commit suicide It can't possibly be helpful for someone who is actually considering suicide to see a post like that They won't get any positive benefit from it Seeing someone else do something you are thinking about doing can give you just enough of a push over the edge to cause you to do it also It could be trolling and a way to play with the emotions of people on r SW I am sure at least some of those posts are trolls and again even if they aren't trolls it is certainly doing no one any good In any case troll or not it serves absolutely no purpose for anyone If the OP never responds it leaves people who have responded to that post feeling bad Maybe they couldn't say just the right thing maybe they didn't get there in time etc. It is harmful for members of r SW to see posts like that to genuinely consider that maybe another human being has taken their life and be totally powerless to help I propose two suggestions regarding this I propose that we discourage any such posts using posting guidelines If anyone makes such a post they should receive a very kindly worded message explaining the reasoning behind why such posts are disallowed encouraging them to call a medical center They are welcome to make a new post or maybe even the mods can make a new post on their behalf It should be r SW policy to alert the authorities any time such a post is made including Reddit admins the police etc. This also could be enough to help discourage trolls from posting here knowing there could be real world consequences to them To summarize I feel that posts on r SW where people are NOT here looking for help but who are announcing their own suicides should not be allowed for all the reasons listed above Thoughts |
English | Anxiety is kicking my ass today feel lost and cluster fucked, and I have had suicidal thoughts lately and just feel like a burden I need someone to talk to please |
English | Lied my way out of the psych ward So a week ago I made a post asking if I should tell guidance about my failed suicide attempt Someone said I should, and I decided to do it I ended up going to a psych ward as I thought I would, and I just got out yesterday I was telling them that I felt better when in reality I still feel like killing myself I just didn't want to be in there anymore because the doctor didn't give a shit I told him that I wasn't feeling good when he asked how I was doing and he said If I went to the grocery store and asked how the clerk was doing I expect them to say good because that's the polite thing to do I don't want to hear their whole life story all I want to do is pay for my thing which made no fucking sense because it's not a grocery store it's a fucking psych ward I'm supposed to be honest with how I am feeling After that he quickly wrapped the conversation up and the next day he would talk about his life He clearly didn't give a fuck I want to tell my therapist that I am thinking of trying suicide again, but I am scared to go back, and I don't know what to do Any help would be greatly appreciated |
English | Feel like I'm going to self destruct m tired of working my day a week job I have no college experience no resume and no qualities that make me stand out from any other average person I feel emotionally and mentally drained My body aches I've dealt with a psychosis episode, and now I feel like I'm barely clinging on My only solitude comes from laying in my bed I lost all my friends and have no desire to make new ones because I've lost all my social skills I have an appointment the st to see a therapist but I think it's just the typical screening to see if I need help So I won't be getting help for who even knows how much longer I deal with constant anxiety and paranoia I find it hard to hold a conversation with someone and feel uncomfortable during basically any social experience apart from helping customers I never to my knowledge was ever like this I ponder the idea of suicide often, and I wish I could take a pill and sleep forever I have no motivation no talents and one hobby I don't enjoy my time on earth any more I don't know if I'll go through with it a month from now two months three months but I feel it will eventually lead to me giving up and taking that step into nothingness I want nothing more than to meet someone and get me own place and be happy but I know there s something wrong with my brains wiring and it's keeping my from making any progress in being an adult I find it difficult to even out how I exactly feel into words so who knows if I can even get the help I need from this therapist I'm going to eventually see I just don't feel intact or functionable anymore as if I ever was |
English | Horrible Birthday today Today is my birthday I know how it says it s in November, but I messed up while putting in my bday and so far it has been awful For starters my mom got angry at me because apparently I'm now failing in math and my tutor has not met with me for weeks A friend also got angry at me today and started an argument and was made fun of multiple times today When I get home I plan on overdosing because my life has sucked for a long time and it's only going to get worse I also have to deal with being yelled at constantly and being neglected, and I hope my family gets into a car accident and dies And don't even think about trying to convince me not to do it or say some bullshit like its would hurt your family and friends, or you have so much to live for because I made up my mind and I have no reason to stay alive other than be abused and yelled at |
English | How do I lose the fear I got discharged this morning during dawn hours from observation precautions at an ER from a teaching hospital The night before I was transferred to the teaching hospital from a freestanding ER where I tried to overdose myself by drinking the hand sanitizer bottle in the waiting room when falling into desperation and realizing how bad my life could be getting if I was to need to miss work regarding a sports injury I had sustained that day During my outpatient stay of observation at the teaching hospital there was an IV needle in my right arm I really wanted to just use my left hand to just punch into it and tear my skin open and cause something fatal But I was scared And I don't know why When the security guards would continue their prefect duties to rotate monitoring other patients on observation precautions I wanted to just choke myself with the blanket but the thought was never made flesh I'm still not knowing why amp x B |
French | J'aimerais pouvoir mourir et ne pas blesser ma famille Ils sont la seule raison pour laquelle je suis toujours là, ce ne serait pas juste pour eux |
English | Thinking about killing myself tonight I'm a year-old male I have severe epilepsy as well as bipolar disorder Genetically I m at a high risk for schizophrenia developing within the next few years I have no social life and no real interest in developing one for the most part I'm not in contact with my family I just can't see any reason for me to carry on |
French | Hey quelqu'un veut discuter j'ai besoin d'un ami someom qui se soucie vraiment je veux juste discuter |
French | Si peu de gens se soucient des autres, et cela me rend si bouleversée de penser à combien de personnes sont dans une situation similaire à celle de mon ami, mais je n'ai personne à qui parler, je suis si horriblement triste quand je pense à des gens qui se sont tués, c'est comme voir mon meilleur ami mourir parce que je sais qu'ils sont mon meilleur ami, ils meurent parce que je peux aider mon meilleur ami. |
English | I finally did it and I failed On Tuesday night I overdosed on lorazepam and alcohol I should ve taken Tylenol as well because it didn't stick I got to see the pain and fear it caused my mom and I'd hate to put her through losing her son But it s AM in the psych ward and I can't sleep because I'm reliving every painful memory of the last year I hate this I fucking hate this I can't keep going I can't I'm so alone, and I hate it and I'm not afraid of death any more All that's holding me back is my mom I hate this pain so much I just want to die |
English | Maybe tonight Ended up getting shitfaced last night and missed work Been thinking for a while and realized it's just a circle I can't get out of this hole and now I hurt my own family and friends by pushing them away So maybe I'll tell them goodbye |
English | Please let me sleep wish I could commit suicide Perhaps it's just because I'm sleepy or because I've just finished my seventh psych ward trip I have the needed implements in my Amazon shopping cart and am not sure what's stopping me from ordering I am so tired of feeling numb I am so tired of the psychiatrist therapist routine No matter how many times friends beg me to come to them, I still feel terrible annoying them with my pain |
French | À quoi bon m'améliorer si le monde autour de moi est horrible Je lutte contre cela bien que j'aie été beaucoup en voie de guérison, mais c'est comme pourquoi devrais-je si le monde autour de moi ne peut pas m'offrir la stabilité et une bonne qualité de vie Je ne vois pas l'intérêt |
French | Une voiture m'a presque frappé hier était à vélo et mon ami a traversé la route et je n'y ai même pas pensé, je l'ai juste suivi Une voiture était à quelques mètres de moi et j'ai eu un sentiment étrange dans mon estomac Tout était au ralenti et je pensais vraiment que j'allais mourir Je suis un peu triste que ça ne m'ait pas frappé Je suis déçu que tout le monde Ma famille et mes amis me détestent parce que je suis un trou du cul |
English | Waking up sucks It sucks to wake up last night I took a bunch of sleeping pills and drifted off into a peaceful sleep Then they wore off I guess, and I woke up so I took some more Woke up again and it's the worst feeling in the world while you're asleep everything is peaceful, but then I woke up and got hit by a sudden wave of reality I'm still here I still have to face whatever comes next I still have to deal with the dreadful drag of life that never seems to end |
English | I'm a guy and i ve been feeling fucking awful a guy and i ve been feeling fucking awful for months now for the first few months to be able to look happy all the time I had to go somewhere away from everyone to just cry cause I'm very shy to show any other feelings than happiness and it would t probably matter anyway cause whenever I try to talk to any of my friends family they just say yeah yeah that's awful and change the subject For the next few months I stopped trying to talk about this with anyone and i didn't feel anything I find t feel happy sad just empty Sure the little things made me happy but there was this emptiness lurking behind that And a few days ago this girl I knew for a few years told me she had feelings for me, we set up a date and I caught feelings Big mistake Next she says it was a mistake and she didn't have any feelings for me Lately I've just been getting worse I need to go somewhere alone to cry to get through the day started cutting myself with shards of glass I guess the cutting is a call for help because I cant find the courage to talk to anyone anymore This is probably my last attempt to let it out before I start doing dumb fucking shit house I have nothing else left to do So if anyone sees this I hope you actually listened unlike my friends and family |
French | J'ai juste tellement de pensées a fait un petit moment que je n'ai rien ressenti de tel, mais ce soir ma tête tournait, et j'avais l'impression que je ne pouvais plus respirer, et je voulais juste tout arrêter, je voulais aller en thérapie depuis une décennie, mais je suis toujours sous l'assurance de mes parents, je suis coincée et je ne veux pas risquer de les voir et je n'ai pas les moyens de payer quoi que j'ai vraiment. |
English | I want to die but i don't want to leave my friend okay so long story short i want to kill myself I mean that's why this sub exists right in case anyone wants to know I'm nineteen and I've pretty much felt this way since I was thirteen or fourteen I've been browsing this sub for a while but finally thought I would post I moved to university this September and I found some amazing friends who I am truly grateful for honestly they are the reason why I'm here now, and they somewhat know my issues in life which some of them share with me this is good because I have some people to relate too but i also don't want to make them worse mentally by talking about how shit I am all the time honestly I'm rambling but the reason why I'm still alive is that I honestly feel like my friend would kill himself if I did and I feel like I would if he did |
English | Drained I don't really have the words right now for how I feel except that it's miserable I don't have anything or anyone to keep me going anymore and i m still hung up over someone who couldn't care less if I was alive or dead i m trying to keep my shit together because my best friend needs me but i m just tired and things have only been getting worse I don't think i ll be here come next year and I feel sick at the thought |
English | don't tell me i m wrong for wanting to kill myself there is nothing unique or special about it but I am ready to die there is nothing to explain or understand I am simply ready amp x B why do we insist other humans stay alive why do we insist that others around us live in unspeakable pain for all their days what is the point of me staying alive There is no point there is no reason any reason there is is a made up one by another human many humans are afraid of their own deaths so they think saving someone else will make them less mortal amp x B I am ready to go |
English | I can't handle reality have to spend all day trying to distract myself because once I remember what's happening and what my life is I want to die I don't know how to keep reality at bay I'm so lonely I have no friends and no one wants to be my friend I'm tired of getting rejected I now have to watch the girl I was falling for date someone else She rejected me I have no one to turn to with anything good or bad I'm so alone I've had anxiety and depression for years and SSRIs don't help and venlafaxine makes me black out and do stupid shit after like drinks and I'm tired of alienating people I m in medical school and I've wanted to be a doctor all my life, but I can't keep going when it's so hard and the idea of having to do anything for the rest of my life is horrifying to me Waking up is so disappointing and every day I wish for a freak accident to take me I'm tired of trying to push reality aside, so the pain stops I'm tired of the pain and crying when I acknowledge reality All I want to do is jump |
English | I just tried to suffocate myself placed a bag over my head and tightened it with a rubber band but panicked and couldn't do it in the end I still want to kill myself but I just can't pull myself to talk to anyone |
English | Struggling with med abuse self harm and loneliness m not sure why I'm posting this I think I just want someone to reach out This is the third or forth night in a row that I've taken quite a bit of medication If I add it up tonight I've taken mg of diazepam Valium I think in the US and I don't know how much Co common Maybe about x mg doses in the past or hours I know it's not good for me but I'm having a rough time at the moment The first night I thought it was just to help me chill out not to harm myself but each night I keep taking it knowing that it may harm me and I feel ambivalent about it, I have been struggling with self harm thoughts more too, and I gave in last night but they weren't that deep so it's fine My spouse is having a low patch too and I'm the one who has to hold it all together I can't even tell them I'm having a bad time because they'll just spiral, and it will make things worse I want to help them and I'm trying but I don't have anyone to help me I don't know what to do That's all I guess I just don't know what to do |
French | Je ne sais pas si je pensais que j'étais amoureux. Elle m'aimait bien et je l'aimais. Elle était la première et la seule personne à s'occuper de moi. Elle est partie. Elle veut être avec quelqu'un d'autre. Elle ne se soucie plus de moi. |
English | I'm an Théophile I deserve a bullet in my head m I'm a creep I'm a weirdo I hate myself I'll never have a legit relationship I'm probably best if I'm buried in the ground I just want to kill myself, but I don't have the balls for it, I just want this misery to end because I don't deserve to live |
French | Je viens de descendre un verre de whisky, donc si mes mots semblent bizarres, blâmez le whisky que je voulais mourir depuis un moment. Je ne peux pas le faire. Je ne peux pas le faire. Je ne peux pas m'écouter. Je ne me soucie pas de mon mari. |
French | Cette année a été la pire année de ma vie, tout s'est complètement effondré, je ne peux pas trouver de travail, mon fiancé m'a quitté et les heures de thérapie que j'ai faites ont à peine aidé mon ex-fiancé m'a envoyé un message la veille de Noël pour me dire qu'elle voyait quelqu'un qu'elle dit que c'était par respect, mais je ne sais pas comment maintenant, je me suis assez amie et j'ai coupé la communication. |
French | Je lui donne encore une fois Erevan ne semble jamais bien faire Grade A mes affaires Épargner un tas d'argent pour mes enfants alors je suis dehors |
French | Est-ce que c'est mal que j'aurais souhaité être mort Je veux enfin être libre de mon esprit Je sais que si je le fais, ça va énerver les gens autour de moi Mais je ne suis pas quelqu'un sur qui m'attarder longtemps La mort sonne juste comme une meilleure option à certains moments Et en ce moment a sonne parfait |
French | La frustration sexuelle et le fait que personne n'a les sentiments sexuels comme moi me donne envie de me suicider Je pense que ça va le faire |
English | I just can't do this any more sorry if this is long I just don't know how much more I can take of this I'm now I've had terrible family problems one of my parents was a drunk whenever they were drunk they'd become abusive mostly verbal but often physical In school I get good grades A s and B s so academically I'm fine just during school I get bullied I've been dealing with bullying all my life grade school I didn't have friends I had bullies when recess came I was on the swings alone every day during middle school I made friends buy since amp the grade I've lost every friend I've ever made socially I'm a mess I'm am outcast with no friends I don't have anyone I can call up and talk to if you need someone I don't enroll in sports I did join drama club but I've had no luck with it, I know I probably sound like an ungrateful teenager or just a teen over reacting and I probably am I just want to this all to end or things to change |
French | Je n'accepterai pas la réalité telle qu'elle est, je vais plutôt me suicider avec divers problèmes de santé et troubles d'apprentissage auxquels je dois faire face, je n'ai tout simplement pas le courage de le faire et je ne vois pas pourquoi il serait temps de sortir tôt. |
French | J'ai peur que ma vie ne soit pas comme je l'imaginais à ce stade La raison pour laquelle j'écris ceci est que je viens de pleurer dans la salle de bain C'est mon dernier jour de vacances et je ne veux pas rentrer à la maison. |
English | Can't deal with my own obsession any more don't want to live loved her I still do We were together four years lesbians Then she wanted a threesome with a friend of mine and I lost her just like that it s been two years of drawn out nightmarish hell, and now they live together The pain never stops I never stop thinking about how humiliated I am how lonely and how they thought so little of me that they threw me out of my own relationship I must be worthless I can't stand thinking about this any more It is literally the only thing I think about and it's driven me mad I can't take it anymore and I'm going to go hang myself Guess I thought someone should know |
French | Je ne suis pas assez bon et je ne serai jamais J'espère que je poste à la droite Subreddit pas savoir exactement où me mettre Je ne serai jamais assez bon pour quelqu'un Je suis un échec Je ne ferai jamais quelque chose de valable dans ma vie Je suis constamment crié et poussé autour de moi qui me tue Toute ma vie J'ai été laissé par mes parents Je ne suis pas prêt à aller à travers tout mon père adoptif |
English | Been at the top of a parking garage for two hours tried writing a list of things I should live for but I couldn't write anything so that paper turned into my suicide note |
English | Most successful but least painful way to commit Suicide I'm homeless and live in a permanent shelter I've been homeless off and on since I was I never really had a chance I'm also a transsexual I tried to transition but the more and more I try to be girly I just end up looking like a Emmy guy in girls clothes My boobs are too big to hide and my face is too masculine to pass as female I m untucking believably addicted to video games I can't fucking stop I've spent almost every fucking dime I've owned on computers and video games I can't fucking stop I'm also desperate for a significant other but no one wants to date someone as fucked up and numb as I am I'm the most depressing person anyone has ever met People stop talking to me and refuse to even communicate with me any more everyone fucking hates me I have bipolar pretty bad and no one can stand me fore more than a month or I've been raped a few times I've been assaulted many times and i m currently fighting a muscular degenerative disorder that's going to eventually put me in a wheelchair and eventually in the more Doctors can't help me because I'm poor I have no family I have maybe friends I just want to die Its so pointless waking up every day and just hating myself hating my past being abused by everyone I just What's the most successful ways to commit suicide that aren't like really painful I'm a fucking sissy when it comes to pain and I just can't bring myself to slash my neck I need something that's going to kill me but isn't going to scare out of it I've just had enough fighting to find some happiness in life I just want peace I m done fighting |
English | Does this sound like a fake suicide to you, I've been suspicious of this person for a bit they seem to want a lot of attention But here's what happened awhile back Sophie s mom texted the GC saying that Sophie attempted to commit suicide and was in the hospital She told us that she stabbed her stomach and that Sophie was okay She was released the same day in a few hours It just seemed very suspicious to me and one other person in that GC But we moved on and forgot about it talking with Sophie and other things she seemed fine I'm not close to her But today she texted some of her close friends saying she was going to commit suicide the whole GC was in dismay my GF is still worried And not much has happened since the person who thought her last attempt was suspicious texted me saying they talked her down I may sound like an ass but I'm suspicious that she faked her suicide sure she may be suicidal and depressed but faking a suicide and getting everyone to worry and contact you is such a manipulative shitty thing to do So what's your thoughts Reddit amp x B I'm not sure if this is right Subreddit either so my apologies |
English | L F Very depressed amp Suicidal Last night I tried taking my life I was so depressed and ready to die Still am |
French | J'ai finalement essayé de mettre fin à l'impression qu'il n'y avait plus de raison pour moi d'être ici Je n'ai jamais demandé à exister Tout continue à s'accumuler et je suis tellement fatigué que j'ai donné il y a quelques jours et j'ai essayé de me pendre J'ai fini par paniquer et pleurer au lit au lieu de ça Chaque jour me fait mal d'être ici Je vais perdre la seule personne pour laquelle je reste en vie et j'ai peur |
French | S'il vous plaît, accordez-moi la mort, je cherche Personne sur cette terre ne veut de moi, je veux l'amour, je ne veux plus continuer, mais j'ai trop peur de m'engager à me tuer, je ne veux blesser personne, je ne veux pas et mon cerveau ne cesse de me dire que si je veux juste être mort, les gens qui meurent sont si chanceux que je regardais un épisode de la télévision et que je suis sur le point de me tuer. |
French | null |
English | I have a mental breakdown every two days m fucking crying after another meltdown I feel shit everyday I need help but I don't know what to do |
English | I feel pointless Karma got me a couple of months back I used a guy to steer attention from a guy I've been chasing My parents found out about my sexuality shocked at first now they make fun of me every chance they get I have online friends but that's pretty much it I'm social but not with any particular group Had a friend but reconsidering if it's sincere I'm ugly and I know it waiting for a glow up I'm just the gay one nothing else really I can't talk to many people and feel limited as people think I'm hitting on them Only reason I'm here us for the guy I was chasing things went well and it's a friends with benefits kinda thing I just feel like dying won't have much if he leaves me o only have one year left of school with him as we are both leaving not sure what to do |
English | Just tired Running out of reasons to keep going I don't really know where to begin and I've attempted to post here before, but I never end up submitting anything Once I start typing it comes out all wrong and ends up being just a mountain of text and I never feel like I've actually said anything So I'll try to keep it short and concise Basically I've been sad for a while but I was drinking heavily and that made things better because at least I didn't have to feel I had this amazing magical substance that gave me control over my emotions Then my mom died and then within three months I got sober I've had a couple baby relapses but they weren't shit I didn't feel better It wasn't like before Drinking didn't make me feel good Nothing makes me feel good Instead I just get angry I'm angry, and I lash out at those closest to me But lately I've begun to feel this sense of overwhelming frustration Towards everything My friend s don't understand I try to explain, but then I just get told how I'm being ridiculous or irrational or how I need to calm down I don't enjoy anything any more I don't go out anymore Being around my friends makes me angry I feel like I can't explain my feelings in a way that will make them understand So why bother I treat my friends badly because I want them to feel as miserable as I do Because then they would understand I feel tired and defeated a slave to my emotions I'm getting locked into a state of constant bitterness I just really need to know that someone understands |
French | Je suis un homme qui perd tout ce qu'il aime s'il vous plaît aidez-moi suis je regarde ma petite amie se tuer en refusant de manger elle prend une moyenne de calories par jour et s forcé de manger plus par sa mère j'ai essayé et je commence à perdre espoir s'il vous plaît j'ai désespérément besoin d'aide sur ce qu'il faut faire je suis un homme qui perd tout Photo de notre conversation |
English | I'm a horrible person Honestly I don't understand myself sometimes I'm posting this in the hope that someone else will understand empathize I m in the depths of a depressive episode and was inches away from committing suicide last night I had my pills ready I d written my will I'd come to peace with it, I was almost miraculously saved by a friend who was concerned by a conversation we d had that evening and saw me spoke to me listened to me in the middle of the night despite her having to go work the next morning She s given so much of her time and help, and I am incredibly thankful and lucky to have her She s offered to speak to my parents about this I don't currently feel like I can she s looked up safe place I could stay in my city charity counselling services offered to call them up for me But because my brain is a piece of s I don't want help from any of the services she s mentioned I don't want my parents to know I don't want to speak to mental health volunteers I don't want to stay in a safe place for suicidal people I don't fucking know why Maybe I don't believe they'll help maybe I don't want to accept that they'd help But I do want help I'd give anything to feel differently To feel hope It's a complete contradiction and I feel horrible about it And mostly I don't know what to do I just want a doctor to fix me It's like I don't have the energy to put any effort in my own recovery Does anyone else feel this way |
English | I don't get it at all No one cares about me No one wants me in their life All my friends have families now and don't have time to see me My ex doesn't want to speak to me at all she absolutely hates me I keep losing family The family I have doesn't involve me in anything I've been depressed for at least a decade now I'm only A third of my life I've been depressed Why does everyone keep telling me it gets better The meds helped stabilize me to where I don't have horrible meltdowns anymore but if I don't have anyone in my life if I'm just a ghost then why do people tell me to not kill myself None of them care they don't invite me anywhere Most of them hate me It's cruel If they knew how much I was suffering enemy head they would understand why I need to do this I'll do better for a few months and then these thoughts come back bit doesn't go away I can't have a family like this and who would want to raise a family with me Why would anyone ever love me I'm just a garbage piece of shit I wish I pulled the trigger when I had the chance I would never have to worry about any of this again Now I'm here alone with no one I know no one really cares I just want out of this fucking world |
French | normal dans l'épave de train à l'extérieur à l'intérieur je ne me sens pas vraiment envie de poster quoi que ce soit puisque je me sens comme son ennuyeux et personne ne se soucie de toute façon je suis genre de vouloir m'éventer même si personne ne se soucie de moi ils peuvent dire que je devrais être reconnaissant d'avoir une famille merveilleuse je dois être un étudiant d'honneur je suis reconnaissant je dois être quelqu'un d'extérieur |
English | I want to overdose We have bottles and bottles of old meds and I just want to take all of them and die No one would care My best friend won't even reply I just want to end this fucking nightmare |
French | Je ne mérite pas les mêmes qualités de vie que les humains ordinaires, comme les frères et sœurs, les amis, les gens qui les réconfortent, la vie ne veut tout simplement pas que j'aie ces choses, alors j'ai besoin de me suicider rapidement afin de rendre la vie des autres plus agréable à seulement quelques années. |
English | Feeling Suicidal I hate posting here because I feel weak, but I can't stand this any more I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll try to keep this as short as possible I've just been feeling terrible as of late again I've been doing Xanax and a bunch of other pills and skipping my Bipolar Meds Sleep Meds and I haven't taken them in about months I used to post here all the time, but I deleted my posts in a burst of manic energy sadly I've been heavily considering self harm and I've been thinking very dark things as of recent and I don't see myself living past at the absolute most I've endured extensive trauma through my life I was raped twice I've been kidnapped as a child, and I was beaten throughout most of my childhood and I've been hospitalized on separate occasions for suicidal thoughts behaviors and urges I've been in psychiatric wards if you couldn't tell all at which is an absolute shame I'm sorry this is so short but I'm too sad to really elaborate In extreme detail but if anyone cares thanks in advance I left out a ton but hopefully this is enough |
English | I GENUINELY believed it would be ok So I accepted this special supplement for research earlier this year Last year really It s at an Ivy League I was excited I grew up in poverty in an abusive home with addicts and I also have cerebral palsy and a non-verbal learning disorder I spent my early years getting my head slammed against walls at home and forgotten in the classroom Nothing special I was the dumb girl so it was better not to set expectations and to just let me fail I didn't really attend high school I didn't even picture going to college until my junior year I worked super hard and got into uni to try to get out of that life I was passionate about science I did everything right I didn't sleep, so I could study I went out once my entire freshman year and took flash cards with Sophomore year started the same I poured everything into school and research Right as second semester started I was raped at a party A get-together I guess I didn't realize that there were expectations until it was too late But I tried to do everything right I spent hours a week in the tutoring center to try to catch up on the algebra I hadn't learned beyond fifth grade It worked I was a straight A student I fuck up a lot of shit but I work hard, and I overcome so much I couldn't function I tried to ask for help, but it was hard When I got counseling my confidence was betrayed and no it shouldn't have been to cover the school s ass I couldn't recover I transferred twice I took almost years to graduate and spent so much time trying to hold myself together Lab was the only place I felt safe The school was my home and I had family there I had a mentor that cared about me, We were so close We don't talk any more She was the first stable adult I knew My family was in that school and I lost it I tried to pick up the pieces Find my lab family and some stability and a good counselor Just couldn't do it I thought this would be my opportunity to find my professional footing And there was health insurance I could get help I was doing better but I could really work to be strong But I got here and the mentoring plan the NIH created wasn't followed It was completely falsified A post doc started touching me and my PI shrugged it off My reagents purchased with federal funds were disappearing The disability accommodations I was promised before coming were nowhere to be found My lab mates are verbally abusive I've never seen this before I don't think it's me because it's never happened before in any lab I've been in and I've only ever left a lab if a PI or I left the state I've always gotten on with my lab mates I tried to get help and the whole thing blew up The school started an investigation but didn't talk to anyone who could corroborate what I experienced I have no support system Jobs for people with disabilities are tough Accommodations are OFTEN not provided I can't survive I don't know what to do My mom is sick and won't recover I just don't even know what to do I can't even verbalize this all It seems scattered but it s been so much trial I try so hard I was working hour weeks and balancing that with school I don't expect anything to be easy I didn't expect this to fix everything I just wanted to have an equal opportunity to succeed and that didn't happen Now I'm stuck in this weird transitional period and there's no way out I just feel like the pain will never stop I can't do it anymore I don't want to struggle this much for this kind of existence I feel so alone I worry about being homeless I feel totally unsupported I never expected my PI to be my friend or to discuss or help with personal things I just wanted an opportunity to be a scientist amp x B I don't know what to do I want to die I wasn't made to exist on this planet I'm so alone |
French | Autisme me fait stresser et avoir la dépression penser à l'option de vouloir être mort tous les jours et me déprimer avec le fait que je suis autiste années et ne peut réussir dans la vie avec l'apprentissage russe je pense à ce but tous les jours parce que je sais que cela me apportera le bonheur je sens mon handicap rend si difficile de faire mon objectif et sont donc mes tendances je sens que je suis déprimée. |
French | Je suis à une fête et je ne me suis jamais senti si mal dans ma vie, je prends des médicaments pour ma dépression et tout ce que je pensais que tout allait bien, puis un ami à qui je n'ai pas parlé depuis des années m'a invité à une fête que j'ai acceptée parce que je m'ennuyais, et il a insisté sur le fait que chaque progrès que je faisais est les derniers mois avec mon psychiatre disparu, je me sens toujours déprimé et suicidaire. |
English | I'm doing it dudes m sick of my life I'm drowning in debt jobless since April and the love of my life left me Got a bottle of vodka a razor blade and going to get drunk and slit my wrists in the bathtub Goodbye |
French | J'ai encore échoué au collage, et je veux me suicider. J'ai échoué au collage deux fois. J'ai été au chômage pendant des années. Je suis au chômage. Mes pauvres parents qui ont payé mon cours de leur poche. Je n'ai pas de bonnes qualifications. Je suis fatigué d'être un gâchis de l'espace. |
English | I F need someone to say goodbye to The past the present and the future are all going to shit I am exhausted I can't deal with my thoughts or feelings I am so absolutely sick of being me I don't want to exist any more I want to be in physical pain and I want to know that I won't ever have to wake up to any of this again I just needed to know that someone knew before I left |
French | Je suis un adolescent à l'école secondaire et j'ai un ami qui est actuellement aux prises avec la dépression Il y a eu des commentaires sur le suicide et je suis inquiet Ils ont parlé au conseiller scolaire et leur conseil était de parler à un médecin et obtenir des médicaments Mon ami dit qu'ils ne peuvent pas parler à leurs parents à ce sujet et estime que leurs parents ne les croiront pas ou les aider à les connaître C'est probablement vrai |
English | Just a waste was given everything in life and it wasn't enough Parents who care and do support me close friends I have had for my whole life college is coming to an end a girlfriend who loves me I have been given all of this, but I don't want any of it I just want to go I thought I just needed a stable job friend hooks me up with someone to work for I just need a girlfriend and things will feel better One shows up but it's not enough Nothing can hide the fact that there is something wrong with me These horrible thoughts I have been having were supposed to have been outgrown The dreams I have been having shouldn't be the things I have been doing when no one is watching shouldn't be happening It s time for me to go I almost wish people knew that I deserved it |
English | Don't do what I am planning have been living in a torturous mind for years The last couple of years have been even worse for me, I am trapped in this mind with no way out I don't handle medications well actually make me feel worse and everything else I have tried hasn't worked My whole body is shaking my mind is heavy and I am just tired I need it all to stop I have a few things to do and then I will be gone Thank you everyone for your support but this is really the end I still have a few days before this will happen because I do believe things can change but I'm not sure it's going to be enough The pain is unbearable and I just don't want to keep fighting anymore If I was younger I could see a reason to keep going but not now Take care |
English | I can't be arsed knows I have been suffering with depression for around months well I say that, but I believe it to be closer to years, but I only want to say what I know, and I know that I realized I had depression then I have never been tested for it because I really don't want the fuss and besides the medication doesn't work my mum was on fluoxetine which is an anti-depressant and on the the of February she slit her wrists knowing I was in the house, but I have written about that before and I do not think I removed it so feel free to read it I moved from my old school in Nottingham to fucking Cambria and no I am not that prick who is running for the youth council he is just some other guy from Nottingham Cambria is a shithole county full of shitty people who lead shitty lives and have shitty kids to contribute shit all to the shitty society but to be honest I don't care about that I just miss having friends IRL I made friends with a really nice girl from Florida, and we talk almost every day but due to the fact that it's like hours behind when I want to talk she is usually asleep or at school I had perfect friends on CSGO, and we often played all through the day and night when I lived in Nottingham, but now I can't even talk to them because I have shit internet which has a data limit cause BT are cunts and don't have a month contract which we could have taken up for this house a rental cause our house isn't even fucking done, yet I went to my councillor at school once after what happened, but that was bullshit and she didn't help I didn't feel comfortable sharing information about what I felt in case I was seen as a risk to myself and got sent to a mad house I don't want to go to a mad house because I am not mad i fact I believe myself to be the sanest person I know most of the time over the past month it seems like my life has been flipped upside down which has made all the shit that wasn't boxed away in some distant part of my head spill everywhere This couldn't have come at a worse time this academic year as I am taking my mock exams for next year's GCSE s and when I am sat in the silent room I can't stop thinking about what happened replaying it over and over in my head I usually do well on exams getting s in science s in math and computer science and s in the rest apart from french because french is the root of pure evil but in these exams I don't think I did well I revised really hard for my math exam, but I don't think I did well I am close to being moved down to second set and if I do then I will be average at everything I am gifted with chemistry and physics well I assume so due to me getting better than the old A s a year early but I am in a shit set and no teacher will move me I feel afraid that if I fail these exams I will end up doing something stupid I was gonna OD on my mum spills, but I found out that they don't work very well so that's out the window I just don't know what to do I just want everything to be over I am nice to people and mind my own business and don't try to be funny and just try to seem like a nice enough person to be friends with, but it seems like it doesn't work, but I don't want to change because then I would become that which I hate people who try to be funny and seem funny but end up acting like cunts thanks for reading if anyone did I don't know if it will help but what else is there to do if you can give me some advice which isn't tell your parents I would appreciate it |
English | Feeling like I NEED to kill myself but don't really know why Does anyone else feel like they just positively HAVE to kill themselves Like I don't even really want to commit suicide but I know that I have to and that I will, I just need to push through it is s almost like it's the right correct thing to do I'd barely be able to explain my reasons if anyone asked why I wanted to kill myself I just know that I need to die So that's basically where I m at right now not necessarily wanting to commit suicide but forcing myself to do so anyway because well because they just need to like I don't know how I can accurately get this across |
French | Psych Ward sait que je devrais probablement être dans le service psychiatrique parce que j'ai pensé à me tuer presque tous les jours pendant des années, mais j'ai été admis une fois, et c'était horrible. |
English | Light boys I m done Equipment is finally here affairs are in order and I'm ready to get sufficiently drunk it was an honor to shitpost with you on this website among many others I hope you find what you are looking for and good luck |
French | Y at-il un point donc je suis et tout ce que je vois de l'adulte, c'est juste un sentiment de solitude désespoir de juste sonner pour vivre quand il est devenu si difficile de vivre de travailler à partir juste d'avoir une maison et un toit au-dessus de votre tête, c'est un point d'aller à l'étape d'être cette personne qui vit dans la rue juste parce que je ne suis pas en forme. |
English | Anyone want to talk I can't sleep and I'm feeling so suicidal |
French | J'ai l'impression que ma vie a culminé il y a longtemps, et je ne vois pas vraiment de raison de continuer Ma vie a culminé quand j'avais des années, je suis sûr d'avoir été victime d'intimidation à l'école, mais j'avais des amis avec qui je jouais à Lego Star Wars le week-end. |
English | I wish I was dead ve been suicidal generally passively for at least ten years Sometimes not feeling it for months sometimes feeling it every minute of every day I made my first attempt on my life at the start of this year but I'm not sure if it was just a cry for help because it wasn't particularly serious, although it was well-thought-out and kind of crossed all the hurdles that were previously keeping me alive So last Sunday I overdosed on lorazepam Asian It wasn't a lethal dose I checked online beforehand It was all I had of it though if I had more I probably would have taken them I just wanted the paranoid intrusive thoughts to stop so my intention was to sleep it off for like twelve hours I was meant to have a counselling session on Monday which I was looking forward to and was meant to see my psychiatrist and care coordinator on Tuesday The thing I can't explain is why I took so many pills it would have taken a fraction of how many I took to put me to sleep I actually have no recollection of Monday or Tuesday, but I spent Monday Friday in hospital because my little brother called an ambulance on Monday I didn't tell anyone I overdosed just went to sleep and woke up on Monday acting drunk was falling all over the place and not making sense at all On Monday I was told that I told the paramedics and doctors that I wish I hadn't woken up Since I got discharged on Friday I've been pretty suicidal but today I had an enjoyable few hours cleaning and feel achieved even though I actually didn't do much I'm not sure what the point of this post was or what the point of existing is I am religious I think I do believe in God I think not certain about an afterlife guess that's why it's called faith but I don't think suicide is an unforgivable sin which I used to, and it kept me alive for several years I love my family I do and I have great friends I wish I could care about them enough to want to be alive I guess that is why I am alive I just feel empty though and I just wish I wasn't alive |
English | Homeless Tomorrow I will be homeless I have two dogs that I love more than anything in life I can't even supply shelter for them anymore If I can't make something happen I'm going to kill myself Everywhere I look I see people talking about their lives the good and the bad but they have a place to go I don't I don't have any family that can help in any way I was born into poverty My parents were drug addicts They never showed me how to be a man It's not their fault that I'm stuck in this situation though It's mine I asked for a loan on r borrow and no one replied This was before I knew I was about to be homeless I posted yesterday asking for a loan for A guy asked from after I posted mine and had several people offer If that's not a sign I don't know what is I'm sorry to be posting this I feel there is already too much negativity in the world Maybe there will be less when I am gone It doesn't matter though I wouldn't know I love you so much Chopper and Zappa I'm going to try for you two You are all I have If I lose you then I m done |
English | I feel bad for doing this, but I just really want help This is a re-post of something I put in r depression And well I just want more advice I feel bad for the guy who tried is incredibly intelligent but I can't describe it Is there anything else I could do I just don't have the courage to call the suicide hotline Here is the link to my Original Post HTTP WWW Reddit com r depression comments SU a solar goes nothing life story or whatever vent |
English | Jesus loves you don't do it please i m a g i n e f i n an l l y m u s t e r i n g u p t h e c o u r a g e t o a c t u an l l y s h o o t y o u r s e l f i n t h e h e a d b an n g y o u f e e l t h e b u l l e t f r a c t u r e y o u r s k u l l p i e r c e s t r an i g h t t h r o u g h l i k e an n e e d l e i n a h u r r i c an n e t h a t p i e r c e s y o u r b r an i n a t t h e s an m e e x a c t i n s t an n t l i g h t n i n g s t r i k e s t h e n e e d l e f o l l o w e d b y a t h o u s an n d m i g r an i n e s t r a v e l i n g f an s t e r t h an n l i g h t d o w n y o u r s p i n e t h e b u l l e t n e v e r s t o p s m o v i n g b u t i t s n o t e v e n h an l f w a y t h r o u g h y o u r b r an i n y e t t h e p an i n i s u n b e an r a b l e y o u w o u l d an l m o s t r a t h e r b e c r u c i f i e d w o u l d t h a t h a v e b e e n l e s s p an i n f u l t h i s s e c o n d i s an n e t e r n i t y c r a c k an n d s p l a t b l o o d s t an i n s t h e w an l l s an l l o f t h e m y o u r e y e s d o n t s h u t i m p o s s i b l e y o u s e e y o u r o w n b l o o d s q u i r t i n g o u t o f y o u r h e a d o n t o t h e f l o o r b e g i n n i n g t o f o r m a p o o l b e n e a t h y o u an n d t h a t s t h e p r o b l e m S E C O N D S f i n an l l y o v e r WHAT HAVE I DONE I M NOT DEAD WOULD THE ELECTRIC CHAIR HAVE BEEN LESS PAINFUL I CAN SEE MY OWN BRAIN ON THE WALLS BESIDE ME MY EYES STILL COMPLETELY WORK BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD SPEAK OR MOVE IF I WANTED TOO I ASKED FOR THIS I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE PAINLESS AND INSTANT I M NOT FC KING DEAD an n o t h e r s e c o n d p an s s e s t h e t h o u g h t s n e v e r l e a v e y o u r m i n d i n f a c t t h e y s t an r t s c r e an m i n g l o u d e r an s d o e s t h e p an i n what should I do how do I get out of this or end this s e c o n d s f i n an l l y p an s s e d t h e g u n h i t s t h e g r o u n d THE GUN maybe I can seal the deal with another shot to my heart just gotta grab A l a d y s h r e i k s i n t e r r o r WHO WHAT THE F CK WAS THAT s e c o n d s oh my god I literally can't move my arm I can't grab the gun I am floating in iron watching it all happen, and I can't even do anything about it, I m f coed I am GOING to DIE when when though how much longer will I remain like this s h o u l d i e v e n k e e p g o i n g L I V E d e V i L I E D I r e an l l y d o n t e v e n w an n n an s a y the n u m b e r f i V e t h i s c o u l d t a k e a w h i l e t h e r e s t o f y o u r l i f e m a y b e Please let me know if you want or don't want this to be continued |
French | Prenons mieux soin de nous-mêmes, j'ai travaillé comme un idiot toute la journée aujourd'hui, je suis tellement déprimé, je ne peux pas bouger pleurer et vouloir me tuer Nicene va aller frapper le sol de la chambre et écouter quelques gars de piano douce paix et les filles |
English | I just want to love myself wish I could look at myself and see what others see but all I see is a stupid disgusting miserable wretch I can't stand being myself I would never tell someone to kill or hurt themselves, but I know I deserve everything I get |
English | What's the point I don't know where to start I guess I'm just going to rant I'm just not happy any more I'm not sure if I ever will be again And what's crazy is my life is awesome but It's awesome for reasons I just don't give a shit about I have an amazing job and make a ton of money I drive a beautiful car I live in a nice town in a great house But I'm alone I moved about a year and a half ago after graduating from college I came out to a new city with my now ex-wife I'm fucking years old and I m divorced Divorced because my piece of shit ex-wife thought we got married too young but instead of talking about it thought she'd just go out and fuck other guys For a year Maybe longer for all I know I was devastated when I found out But at the same time I was too scared much of a bitch to do anything about it, I thought maybe we'd work it out Of course she just kept lying and lying when she was caught I didn't know the whole story She ended up leaving me because she couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't happy with her all the time It s been half a year since I lost the best part of my life I never wanted all this shit the money the car the house I was king of the fucking world when we were together It didn't matter that we lived in a small apartment it didn't matter that I drove a piece of shit car I loved all of it and I was happy I thought maybe getting a nice car or even a pet would make me happy but it doesn't because it never did, and I can't replace that part of my lives with fucking material possessions I've gotten past that relationship I think anyway In some ways fuck her for being that piece of shit Fuck her for fucking it all up I sure as shit don't want to be with her any more hell I could be if I wanted to She's not a part of my life anymore But that's not why I'm bothered But it's what she did The ultimate form of treachery and disrespect It makes me wonder what's wrong with me, I'll be alone for the rest of my life I think about killing myself every single day Every day I feel like it's my only option I have amazing friends they helped me get through this shit when it was the worst of it going through a fucking divorce watching someone who meant everything to you and you thought likewise for them become vindictive and hateful I couldn't ask for better friends I'd do anything for them and I know they'd do the same for me But at this point I don't even talk to them about how I really feel I hate being that guy fucking downer So I just pretend everything s great I pretend I love my job and my car and my house and my life and myself I hate myself I'm socially inept I know I irk people sometimes or often even my best friends I just hate living, and I don't want to do it anymore I think the only reasons I'm still around is first that I have some fucking obligation to be to my friends and to my family and to my job I feel like it's a slap in the face to people with nothing for someone to have so much kill themselves How fucking ungrateful am I right The other thing is that I just don't know how to do it I'm more scared of failing a suicide attempt and being forced to live embarrassed or disfigured or barely alive than I am of living through all this shit But I think about it every day maybe I could do it this way or that way I'd have to give everyone closure I think I can't just run away and do it I can't jump off a building or blow my head my off And I'm just too much of a whip to follow through but I feel like every day is just another step closer |
French | Je ne comprends pas le vide et les pleurs sont sortis de nulle part et je ne comprends pas ce qui ne va pas chez moi, il se passe généralement quelque chose qui déclenche mes pensées suicidaires, mais maintenant j'ai l'impression de me consumer sans raison et je ne peux pas l'arrêter. |
French | Tout s'effondre à la fois signifie que je n'ai jamais été excessivement satisfait de ma vie, mais dernièrement, j'ai l'impression que tout ce que je pense, c'est me tuer le week-end dernier, je me suis vraiment défoncé dans une maison de garçon, et il m'a violé et j'ai toujours dit à mon meilleur ami que je ne suis pas malade. |
English | Byeim so tired of being alive I want nothing more than to be dead I have been pushing through for too long Every day is extremely painful to wake up to and I can't take it anymore So this next gun show I'm buying a shotgun and freaking getting drunk and blowing my pathetic worthless brains out of my own fucking head |
English | I'm on the edge For most of the last two years I've had suicidal thoughts and recently it hasn't been helped by the fact that me being with my girlfriend who's bulimic has caused almost all of our friends to betray us and tell all the secrets she's told them and begin spreading rumors around our school about us she's the only one I can talk to about anything anymore please someone talk to me, I cried myself to sleep last night EDIT i don't know what to do she just broke up with me |
French | J'ai vu un autre gars faire un AMA avant qu'il ne se tue hier, j'ai pensé que je le ferais |
English | Is there even a point any more I just don't feel like I'm needed I guess I shouldn't be here because I know that I'm not going to commit suicide But I feel like it's the best and easiest way out I have an F in almost all my school classes because I can't get myself to turn assignments in So now my teachers don't bother to even consider trying to help me at this point Like I mean when I don't turn something in they don't even waste their breath trying to get me to turn it in And maybe because I'm that much of a failure that the people meant to look after me aren't even going to look after me any more My dad is pretty abusive it's better but it's like this every time and I just know he is going to get mad at me again because I failed to put bags in the trash can again for the hundredth time I feel like he doesn't want me around Like he just wants me to do what he says to do He has practically taken over my life I'm not even allowed to choose my high school classes any more Also I know you're all thinking a belt or slap isn't abuse yeah, but this is tearing out dishwasher full of ceramic plates and metal silverware including knives and throwing it at me My girlfriend kind of seems like she doesn't want to be with me anymore, and I think I'm being a burden to her by just constantly following her around But I do because I love her and want to be with her every moment Edit With all this quarantine it makes me worry she is my top priority to everything and she doesn't have a phone I miss her a lot My friends don't respond when I text them, and they seem to ignore me up until they need me to help them with their classes Then they don't respond to me when I talk to them, they are more obsessed with each other than they are with me, I'm just dead weight to them Right I mean who would enjoy spending time with me anyway maybe my girlfriend just because I let her get away with anything That's what it is I have to let people bully me and use me That's what drives the fact that I'm not needed that they don't care they rather eat shit than talk to me even though I would die for them, I'm a boy scout and I've almost made eagle but for what A free rank in the military Some extra credit It doesn't matter because we all die someday I wasted this time advancing through the cub ranks getting to life scout Now all I have to do is build something and order people around and for just a little qualification on a job I know I'm not going to be killing myself But really it feels like I'm not wanted or needed Plus I'm a burden to everyone around me, I m looked down on and eventually I'm going to die anyway so why not just skip to the finale TL;DR I'm not killing myself but it's the smart thing to do because I'm a burden to everyone I come into contact with |
French | Sans espoir ne sais pas faire plus, j'ai tout essayé, mais rien ne fonctionne, je peux juste mourir |
English | I want to die but I can't tell anyone recurring thoughts of me cutting my wrists open and bleeding to death I might just do it I can't take it anymore here |
French | Personne ne m'affligera quand je mourrai pas vraiment si je devais mourir demain, personne ne serait vraiment triste, le plus qu'ils ressentiraient, c'est la culpabilité de la culpabilité pour les commérages, ils répandent la culpabilité pour ne pas être de meilleures personnes, la culpabilité des mensonges pour ne pas voir les signes, il peut même les manger pendant longtemps, mais personne ne se souciera vraiment que je me soucie d'eux et de leurs sentiments. |
English | I wonder why do I even need to exist I m I'm a gay man who was born in a broken family My father put his last name on me and left us after a week At years old I had an accident trying to climb on the kitchen and busted my head causing me a mild brain injury that would be the root of my undiagnosed ADHD and severe anxiety issues I was raised in a very hostile environment where my mom retaliated all her anger and frustrations beating the crap out of me all the time My grandma who was the light of my childhood had a seizure when I was years old and ended up crippled in a wheelchair until she died years later She turned into the biggest and most annoying burden a small family can endure My mom was obsessed with the idea that no matter the cost I had to be in a privileged private school even when I was bullied for being different in so many ways I was made fun of out of everything My height I'm also my sudden queer manners my clumsiness etc. I even developed severe dermatillomania in my hands due to severe anxiety it was hell I had attempts for suicide that were totally ignored by everyone like it didn't really matter The only friend close friend that I had only lasted a year and half after his mom passed away in the middle of his first year in the school I was the poorest of my classroom I had the worst house my mom drove the cheapest car and even my dogs were ugly as fuck Neighbors would always make fun of my pets My house disgusting always dirty my mom was a semi hoarder and would always accumulate clothes and books I would never invite anybody out of deep shame My grades in school were ok I was very good in some and horrible in the others I had to spend extra hours memorizing stuff because I would not understand simple shit sometimes Every time I had to speak in public I would panic and stutter and people would laugh My scale was video games I would play so much that because of it is started affecting my visual impairment and started developing strabismus at years old After I graduated I got out of my hometown and got to a private university paid by my mom I struggled a lot in college I felt stupid and out of place I was always awkward and lacked social skills I would annoy the fuck out of people, and they would ignore me In my time off I focused myself to try hard and be more physically attractive, so I would go to the gym and have tons of protein supplements I would also go to play Magic the Gathering whenever I could and eventually got good at it but due to my undiagnosed ADHD I would mess up all the time I would get so angry at losing At I lost my hair I was balding bad since I hated my look I was always angry because I had to wear a hat to look like my age I would look almost years older While in college I started forcing myself in doing internships, but I would be so difficult to work with due to my behavior and forgetfulness On my last semesters I would try to work on the side but got fired twice I gave up on my the semester and quit college for a year out of deep shame for myself I felt humiliated constantly To fix my visual impairment I managed to get a surgery in a public hospital after a month wait I fixed it when back to college Same struggles on other areas Didn't give up this time suffered a lot to get that thesis done My thesis barely passed it was basic and shitty I didn't make any friends and even when I was invited by default to the college graduation party I barely knew anybody, and it was awkward as fuck After college I started internships again neither of the didn't last long TBH I would sugarcoat my resume to death to appeal to employers I ended up being hired in a couple places, but surprise got fired in the first and the second was horrible an abusive position that nobody else would take and therefore ended up there for a year I got so depressed I ended taking medication for depression and quit that job I got hired in an ad agency which fired me after a month I gave up on everything and sold my MTG cards to buy my ticket to the US I tattooed my head in a micropigmentation style so it gave me a younger appearance, and it somehow made me feel less shitty about my genetic makeup I ended up as a server in multiple places I worked as busier server and even did clean labors I would throw up in bathrooms out of panic anger and shame I got hospitalized in for severe depression I ended up working in a total of places In which I got fired in of them I got diagnosed of ADHD at After being fired for like the the time for being messy scattered minded and forgetful After meds I saw the light I started getting creative It was like a miracle Too bad I lost my s and teens in a very miserable way Even when in these years of new life I've improved a lot I still can't get a job out of my lack of experience and creating a business takes a lot of investment that I haven't been able to acquire Social media makes me sick and gives me PTSD every time I get to see the accomplishments of those people that I studied with and all their successful relationships The amount of mental disorders I've gathered through so much abuse are way too much to handle and paying for a friend therapy hasn't solved the issue I now have CPTSD Rejection sensitivity dysphoria and probably some mild form of autism What is the point of all this suffering I've gone against all odds fought many battles But in the end it doesn't even matter Why do people like me exist Is not like someone is going to give me a life medal for overcoming the gigantic struggles of my life Nobody wants to date me because I'm so emotionally damaged I m in total fear of meeting new people and isolation made everything worse I'm a couple of months away of being possibly homeless and if I get to that point it's definitely over Is life even worth all this shit I feel like it's hanging from a thin string and it's about to break anytime soon I should ve broken my neck when I was |
French | Je cherche juste quelqu'un à qui parler Comment ça se passe |