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HOPE

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Yeah. I do you think she's emotionally guarded. Um, I think she'll speak to that later in the session. You know, so it says I think there have been injuries. Some of which I'm going to guess really are related to the the race pieces that she's experienced where she has felt judged under scrutiny and it just keeps repeating herself and it's separate from competitors. Man accomplishments and so there is a guardedness and there is a sensitivity and the guardedness is her way of protecting some of her vulnerability. Okay, let's move on to

0id

When you say,

4crq

You are all of you, all of you all therapy,

6cd

Okay, I mean, I'm having a couple three reactions to what you're saying. I mean, one is that you're saying you're all the same and

1irq

I mean, I'm feeling just lumped in with everybody else right now.

4crq

I mean, it's there's something specific right now that I could say or do that that would fill, give you what you're wanting or need.

6cd

How do I, how do you how do I go from point A to point B? How do I get better? How do I fix what's going on? I mean, that's the reason I came here. Right? I thought there was a reason I came here is to fix things. make things better.

11orq

So you want sort of a, like a kind of, sort of like step by step description of

5yq

what something I need something to grab onto something to hold something Grab onto Yeah.

8op

Yeah. See, my sense is that you know, that you sort of desperately want something to grab on to, to get to give you some sense of hope. And, and I really want to be able to, you know, to give you something but but it feels like there's something about the kind of intensity of your, of your sort of demand or play right now. Which, which makes it difficult for me to really sort of respond in a way that's going to give you what you need. Or, you know, a better way of putting it is, you know, have a sense that the kind of thing that you want or needing or needing has to kind of come out of an organic process between the two of us and there's something about the sort of intensity of your desperation with Which makes it difficult for you to really be open and receptive to whatever I have to give

11orq

just the way I am I always come out like that I always sway I get things. So the only way I get that's the only way I know how to be. I come out one of two ways. I come out either full, full throttle, just full, full tilt, just come out and just do it that way or I don't do anything at all. So it's like I one way and it's not good enough and on the other way and it's not good enough so

10od

so it's like

7ack

it sounds like it feels like you only have two choices, right that you can you can either approach the situation kind of on the attack, you know with with both guns blazing. It's a good way to describe

11orq

Right or or the alternative is to kind of go along and compromise yourself in some way. Right. Right. Have those two which, which feels better, which feels worse?

11orq

Well, the bulk guns blazing always feels better because if I go at somebody with with, you know, full force and, you know, hit them over the head, you know, and just and just go at them. Even if they turn away, it doesn't really matter. Because I've already sent my face and so when I say, but if I don't say anything, I just sit back and don't do anything, then it just gets me as angry as the full guns blazing. So it just they eats me up, but it eats me up in here and I get even angrier than if I just blurt it all out and get it all out.

10od

Right. Yeah, I can imagine that right that right, if you end up you know, at least if you're going in there with with both guns blazing, there's a way in which you can kind of feel okay about yourself in some way, even though you're not getting your needs met. Right. But somehow they're, you know, sort of giving in, it's like you're giving away part of yourself in some way. So, I mean, you know, it seems to me that the you know, the dilemma is that you have no good way of getting your needs met right now, right. You sort of desperately need Something right, but a middle ground. There's no middle ground. Okay. So, you know, I'm not sure exactly what that middle ground is right now. But I'm willing to work with you to, you know, to really work on discovering what that middle ground is. Does that does that seem worthwhile?

11orq

I have to have to find a middle ground.

8op

Okay, but what are you feeling right now?

1irq

Just it bothers me. I can't go one way or the other. It's like, try to do one thing. You can't do it and try to the other way. Can't do it. Just I'm just stuck.

0id

There's a real kind of sadness there.

5yq

yes

7ack

Look at me. The sense of what's what's going on for us? It sounds as if here. You're asking for something. Yeah.

11orq

I need something I can't get myself.

10od

Thanks for coming along today broke. I've really been looking forward to meeting you.

2gt

Yeah, me too.

7ack

Cool. Okay. So I just wanted to ask, did you receive that information pack that was sent out to you in the mail?

5yq

Yes, I did.

8op

Fabulous. Okay. So would you mind if we just spend a few minutes going through that together now?

5yq

Yeah, no, that's okay.

8op

So I guess something really important that I would like to draw your attention to first of all, is this issue here of confidentiality, okay. Basically, everything that you and I talk about together in therapy is just between you and I, however, because I am a professional psychologist, the things that we discussed, I may need to share with my supervisor, okay.

0id

Yeah, yeah, that's all right. Will it only be with your supervisor?

5yq

Yeah, that's right. Yep. Yeah. There are a few special circumstances though, where I may have to break confidentiality. That is if you tell me that you might be of harm to yourself or someone else. Okay. If you tell me that you've been involved in a serious crime, okay for us. Somebody else wishes to access the information that we talked about in the context of legal proceedings and they take it off subpeona I'm required to give that information then okay. But of course, if any of these things ever did come up, I would discuss these with you first. Okay, that'd be good. Okay. All right. All right. So something else I just would like to draw your attention to here as well. It's just our fee here at the clinic. Yes. Which as we discussed on the phone is $20.

7ack

Yes. And that's fine. No problems.

0id

Okay. And I understand from time to time that things can come up as well and that you might have to reschedule one of your appointment. We just asked that if you could provide us with about 24 hours notice beforehand shot so that gives us a chance to be able to set up another appointment time.

0id

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. No worries.

8op

Okay. Did you have any other questions about anything that you read on that shape there?

5yq

Um, no. it all seems fine with me. Yeah.

9on

Yeah. Okay. So if you wouldn't mind just popping your signature at the bottom there. Thanks.

0id

I haven't, I'm feeling a little nervous.

10od

Yeah, I can understand that it can be a bit confronting and scary The first time you come along. Yeah. So I guess, I mean, just to give you a bit of an idea about how I like to work with clients, is that I like it to be a collaborative approach so that the two of us get to work together on new problems and concerns that you're having at the moment. Okay.

0id

Yeah. Sounds good.

7ack

So the purpose of today's session, I guess, would be for me to get more of an understanding of what's happening for you lately. All right, and give us a chance to get to know each other a little bit more. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. And at the end, we can sort of have a touch base again and see how we went for today and whether we'd like to take it on from there.

0id

Yeah, that sounds good. We'll have a better idea then.

8op

Yes, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay. So I mean, just to start off with then I guess, are there any other things that you've tried apart from coming to therapy and As some ways to help you cope with what's happening for you.

1irq

Umm not really like when I feel ya know, when I feel down like I just stay at home. Yeah, I don't really go anywhere. Yeah. or do anything I just yeah, just sort of withdraw. That's all I really done.

9on

Yeah. We've been really keeping it to yourself and it's quite a big step for you to reach out to to someone today.

0id

Yeah, it is. It just got to that point where he just wanted to come in and didn't really know what to do. Yeah.

0id

Okay, I guess to start off with him. Would you like to tell me a little bit more about what's been happening for you?

5yq

Yes, sure.

8op

So what's on the agenda for today.

1irq

Definitely my dad. He's been on my case, like all week getting on me. It's been a real jerk in my room playing video games and talk to my friends and just barges into my room. You know, he's getting on me at dinner. He just never lets up and he's on the about, you know, getting a job get my life together. All the time. It's like, as soon as I wake up in the morning, you know, there's an email from or, you know, something, just tell me to do stuff I don't want to do. It doesn't get the, you know, I'm not feeling good. And I'm not gonna do that.

0id

So let me so let me interrupt you for just a second here. Make sure I understand you. You're really upset about your father getting on you this past week, right? Yeah. And it's something that we could talk about today is just something that you think we could do to help the situation out?

0id

Yeah, we got to figure out some way to get him to back off. Okay, he's just on me. I don't maybe we can bring him in here. You know, tell them something. write him a letter, I don't know, but something that could just get him to leave me alone.

0id

Well, one idea would be to get him to bring him in here and get him to back off, but he's not here right now. And maybe there's some things that you can do to help him calm down or back up the situation on

0id

He's the one being a jerk.

0id

Well, that may be but maybe there's things you could do to be a little more assertive with him to let him know how you're feeling? Or perhaps to calm the situation down.

5yq

I don't know. If you've got some ideas all listen, I guess. But

9on

okay, well, maybe we can put our heads together and come up with some strategies to deal with your dad a little bit better. All right. Is that suddenly? Is that something we could put down in the agenda then?

1irq

Yeah, no, I definitely want to talk about so how

0id

do I describe that then? dealing with my dad. Okay. Dealing with Dad. Is there anything else you'd like to put on the agenda?

1irq

I've been really tired lately just been sleeping a lot. Okay, last week or two.

0id

So I put down tired and sleep. So we have dealing with dad and tired and sleep. Which thing do you want to talk about first?

1irq

Definitely my dad.

0id

Okay. So we don't want to forget about the homework. So we want to make sure we put that down on the agenda. And so, you want to talk about dealing with your dad, get do the homework first. Tough on my dad do definitely with your dad. Okay. So we want to make sure we allow enough time to talk about your homework is it's important. So tell me what happened this past week with your dad.

0id

Amanda, thanks for coming in tonight.

2gt

yeah its okay

2gt

The GP sent me a letter telling me a little bit about what's been happening. That's been having some difficulties since birth for some of you weeks ago. Tell me a little bit about what's been happening from your

0id

it's been really difficult. I've been really struggling. And I don't know why. I don't know why. This should be a really wonderful time for me and it's something that I've been looking forward to

0id

But it hasn't. It hasn't been a good time.

0id

I could never have imagined that it would be like this. It is not what I thought it would be like,

0id

what has what has it been like for you?

1irq

I'm just not feeling how I think I'm meant to feel. It's difficult sometimes, to me to actually do what I'm meant to do. As a mother I, and it just feels so wrong. I'm

0id

so wrong?

4crq

This isn't how I meant to be. I feel like I'm just meant to love looking after him and taking care of him, but he doesn't feel it's just not feeling that way. And sometimes it's even hard to want to.

6cd

It's meant to be feeling this

0id

Yeah. And this is something that we've been trying so long for and it's Just been so important for both of us.

0id

These this thing that has been so important, and now that it's, it's here, now that's happened. It's different to the way that you imagined

0id

slightly different. I thought that I kind of blossoming and just love Detroit and I do love him. It's not that I don't you know, it's not that I don't love him. It's not that I don't want to do this, I do it. This is part of me that is just really struggling.

0id

Please tell me a little bit more about that part that's struggling.

1irq

It's really difficult to even talk about because it's like, not meant to feel this way. But there's this part of me that would just not like to get out of bed. In the mornings, I just want to sleep. I don't want to do anything.

0id

Just want everything to go on?

5yq

It's really hard to admit because I can't imagine that anybody else could understand what this feels like it, it feels unnatural, almost that kind of relief to say it out loud.

0id

And this is the place that you can say what needs to be said.

0id

Yeah. Yeah. That is part of me that almost feels angry with all the stuff I've got to do, and I don't feel like I'm getting the support that I need. And it's really difficult. I feel like I have to do it all myself.

7ack

So, feeling as though it's all on you. You're going to deal with it all the time.

0id

Yeah, and it's Huge it's like this little little boy that just needs me to be there. I'm struggling to be there and until want to be there even. So it's really overwhelming. Mm hmm.

0id

By yourself with

0id

my partner, John's Bay like, he tries, but I think he is getting frustrated with me, too. He's sensing that. I guess he had expectations of how I would be and how we would be and how this would be and I think that he's disappointed in me. And then that doesn't help and so then I sort of feel like I have to do it to prove that I am okay and that I am kind of holding it all together. And I do love these.

0id

So trying to keep a mask up. Trying to seem as though it's okay.

4crq

Yeah. You caught him. To know how I feel I'm I feel like I'm a bad mother already.

6cd

But it's painful. It's a painful feeling.

0id

I've been tried so hard to have this child to have wanted and it's always been talking about and planning for so long and it means so much to john as well. And I'm just it's just, it's just not happening. either of us thought and I really wanted to, it's hard because I wanted to but

0id

so at this point, and it's six weeks, they've been a really rough. Six weeks feels to me like really rough. Having waited so long to have this child gone through the birth and understand from a GPM pump was a somewhat difficult birth if it wasn't from I thought it was. So from the very start, it hasn't been as you thought.And now you're at that point where the reality is the reality of this baby. It sounds to me that there's a struggle going on for you. But a struggle that you're feeling very much alone with

0id

So, Felicity, I think that we've done a lot of good work today. And I'm delighted that you didn't have a panic attack last week. That's really impressive. And you seem really pleased about that as well. And so, you know, I think today we've run through a couple of more techniques that you can use to manage your anxiety. And it seems to me that you've got a good grip on those.

0id

Yes. Yeah, definitely. I think today was really helpful.

7ack

Good. That's fantastic. Well, I guess if we wind up now, and then meet again, next week. Yeah.

0id

Yeah, yeah. But um, did I did I tell you actually, that I had an argument with my mom on Thursday. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. It was a really, really big one. Yeah, I am. Yeah. I mean, what happened was basically that mom, mom, she was just getting really angry at me for Dave again, because you know, we've been going out for three months and it's time I've told you before. Really, really, really doesn't like him.

0id

Ohh really?

4crq

Yeah. And she was, she had to go in for the drugs again. And then she was saying, you know that I can do so much better. And she was just, you know, like, Oh, I really screaming at me and I had to take all of that and, you know, people were just going around in circles in circles. And it was really, really not not very, not very good that I had listened to her saying that.

6cd

Yeah, I can imagine so he has been really upset by that.

0id