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"Coward", Harry’s voice echoed in her mind, something he often said to Draco Malfoy. |
She ignored her pouring thoughts and left the class. Today they learned the unforgivable curses. At the end of class every student looked pale. Astoria tried not to think about the Death curse she just witnessed. |
A couple of Slytherins were in the hallway, having a loud discussion. Probably about class, she assumed and decided to try to honor the promise she made to Harry yesterday. |
Saying "Hello" felt unnatural as she knew they didn’t like her. Astoria decided to just quietly stay next to them and listen to the discussion. |
"At least he’s not an imbecile, I mean-, at least he had some action to knows what he’s talking about", Theo Nott said apologetically. It looked like this was not the popular opinion. |
"Yes, he had some action probably a hundred years ago", Draco snorted back at him. "You saw him, how he looks". |
His voice was always arrogant and irritated. Those were the two defying qualities about him. Astoria sighted which unfortunately got her noticed by Pansy who was standing next to her. |
"Oh, look who’s here!" she said loudly. "No room next to the Gryffindors?" she said sarcastically. She always spoke in an unusually high tone as if she was forcing herself to speak like that and sound sweet. |
Astoria rolled her eyes at the comment. |
"Potter’s bitch", Crab hissed at her and started looking her up and down. |
"More like his side piece" Draco added and his grin shined on his face. "Maybe ask Dumbledore next time you speak to him why does he always send us the most used up and idiotic teachers. My father says this subject should be a priority in our program, we have to be the best prepared, and yet-" he stopped himself, ending the sentence in a dramatic tone. |
"It’s true Moody is old. Which is unusual in his field of work. I think he might be the most useful teacher considering those before him", Astoria commented, her voice was detached from any emotion, but she made sure to give Theo a quick smile to show support in his argument. He returned the gesture. |
"Sounds logical", he added. |
Two arguments had clearly formed. Astoria wondered was there ever a "resistance" to Malfoy’s dominance among the students. He was important, she knew that and no one can take that away from him. Born into a very rich, very old and very well connected family. Better then most. He had other advantages as his good looks. He was tall, handsome and was performing almost perfectly. |
Second-best, Astoria though as Hermione Granger was first in every subject and he came after her. Only in potions. That was his best field. |
"I like how he scared the Gryffindors. All that bravery as their face turned pale when witnessing the curses" Pansy added, clearly to distract the tension that formed. |
Her comment eased them as a few people laughed. Astoria noticed that Theo didn’t make a sound, just smiled but his reaction seemed ungenuine as if his face had just lied to everyone else and yet she seemed to be the only one to catch it. He’s good, she though to herself as their eyes met. |
"Maybe you should go and comfort your friends", Draco hissed at her. |
"I have no friends in Gryffindor" Astoria snapped back. They all looked at her in disbelief. |
"Liar", Draco said, his words icy cold. Astoria didn’t flinch and kept meeting his gaze. She wasn’t a bad liar, either. |
"I imagine I would have a lot more friends in Slytherin if you weren’t such an ass", she said to him and walked away. |
At dinner Dumbledore announced Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and Drumstrang Institute would be joining Hogwarts in the competition for the Triwizard cup. Everyone looked mesmerized with the beautiful girls from Beauxbatons. |
"The things I’d do to her", Goyle spat out with lust in his voice as he pointed to one of the girls. |
Astoria watched as boys nodded in support of that statement while their eyes wandered around. She tried not to react but was sure that her face gave her away. |
Then passed next to Slytherin’s table the boys from Drumstrang and they all seemed more terrifying than mesmerizing. Most of them were very fit, tall and strong. Some of the girls started whispering with excitement. However, the boys discussion was more interesting and Astoria tried to catch most of their words. |
"This is a school I would love to attend" Theo said, clearly impressed. |
"At least they teach the dark arts there, prepare them for the world", Blaise Zabini agreed. |
Then passed their Headmaster. He looked old, as if he had lived many battles. His face was hidden in his long black hair. That was what you call a dramatic entrance as the room erupted around him each time a magical staff touched the ground in the rhythm of his steps. A long, black robe that glittered in gold around the corners followed behind him. |
"Igor Karkaroff", Draco whispered, "a Death Eater". |
Astoria quickly turned as she hoped no one saw her. She tried to calm herself and contain her emotions about what she had just learned. |
Igor Karkaroff passed their table. She swore she met his eyes for a second. She watched Dumbledore welcome him and shake his hand. They exchanged smiles and looked like old friends which Astoria could not understand how was that possible if one was an ex-servant of Voldemort. |
Then everything went silent as prof. Dumbledore move forward for a speech. |
"We have gathered here to welcome our guests. Hogwarts will be their home and students will participate in the Tournament for the Triwizarding cup. I hope you make them feel at home and welcome them with open arms", he made a quick pause to meet the support of his statement in his students. |
"The Tournament is in honor of magic and wizards. Origin of this tradition we find in ancient families, mostly gone by now, yet their wisdom and magic remain. Let us try to honor them and strengthen our bonds. Every student of the age of seventeen years could submit his name in The Goblet of Fire", as Dumbledore spoke a veil was lifted and the goblet was reviled. The gold shined trough the hall and blinded everyone who looked at it. Then suddenly a blue flame appeared from the goblet. |
"From this moment the Triwizarding Tournament begins. Those who wish to compete only need to write their name on a list of paper and throw it in the flames. Choose wisely, as once chosen by the goblet, there is no turning back", said prof. Dumbledore and paused for a second, then lifted his hands, "The chosen few will have to face many dangers and risk their life, but know, there could be only one winner and his prize is eternal glory!" |
The Great Hall was transformed in the colors of the three schools and the foreign students blended in on the tables of the houses. The most popular was Victor Krum who was a world famous quidditch player, yet Astoria cared little about quidditch to take interest. |
The feast began. |
"My father says the Tournament has dark magic roots", Draco commented. |
"What dark magic roots?", Astoria dared to ask and immediately met the stares of the others. |
"Blood magic" he finally said as he welcomed the attention. "A family that ensured it’s grip on the wizarding world using forbidden blood magic. It’s a legend, each of them would win the Tournament for power and glory." |
"I’ve never heard of them. I can’t imagine being this powerful and disappearing without a trace", Astoria tried to sound genuine so he could keep talking. |
"Just because you never heard of something doesn’t mean it isn’t real. You probably have no knowledge of wizard history", Blaise said with disgust as he looked her up and down with his eyes. |
"They went extinct without an heir. That’s what happens to most ancient families", Draco explained, yet his words revealed a certain pride for himself as being the hair to a great family himself. |
"I’ve never seen anyone use blood magic before", Crab surprisingly added to the conversation and most of his peers laughed. |
"You idiot!" Blaise shouted back at him, "Blood magic is forbidden and punishable, as well as an ancient practice. I don’t know if there even is a wizard at this modern age to know blood magic." |
"Yet it had to be powerful once", Astoria noted. |
"And?", Blaise snapped, "What is the point if no one knows it anymore?" |
"You’re right" Astoria admitted with ease. Blaise’s eyes glimmered with victory and a smile appeared on his face. He instantly looked towards Draco for approval but he had little interest. |
"I wonder who the Hogwarts champion will be?", Theo posed the question then seemingly answered himself "A Slytherin I imagine". |
"I’m sure Potter will find a way to cheat his way around somehow, so don’t get your hopes up", Draco barked back at Theodore. |
"You’re so jealous it’s repulsive", Astoria surprised herself as the words came out of her mouth. They all stared at her now. |
Draco’s gaze lowered as his eyes focused on hers. They went dark. He grinned. Everything seemed so good until she had to open her mouth! |
"Your love for him is pathetic. Don’t you get tired of being not second-best but maybe forth? Fifth? I’d hate myself if I sunk so low" |
"All that special attention he gets for just being himself, you wish that was you so bad I’d say you’re the one who’s in love with him", her voice was as cold as his. |
"Spit at me as many witty comments as you want, we both know the truth". |
She stood up and left the table. Hunger disappeared and her stomach filled with rage. She left the hall and went outside of the castle. Her breath grew sharper. She realized she already slipped as anger’s grip only grew tighter around her. |
"Don’t explode, control yourself, please, goddammit, just be normal", her whisper grew into a scream as magic exploded around her. |
There was no point. Astoria was always somewhere in the middle. Not one of Harry’s true friends – not a Gryffindor, yet never a true Slytherin either. A traitor to both. |
Tears fell from her face to the ground, yet her face remained blank. Sadness was much easier to contain. Detaching from the feeling was something she mastered at a young age before she even knew that she was a which and the power she possessed. Even then, however, she knew she was cursed. |
The next day she skipped class. Maybe then Albus Dumbledore was going to take notice of her and call her in for a talk. He hadn’t spoken to her from the beginning of the year and spent most of summer abroad as well. He took so little interest in her existence that she wondered why he even kept her around. |
Sometimes it was different. He did give her hope occasionally, looked at her with deep compassion and love as if he really was her parent. Asked her questions about how she felt and how was school. Normal things, like she’d imagine the conversations in other families. He seemed then to regret those moments. Maybe she just bore him, as her answers were always the same. |
She felt like killing herself so often it made no difference to her. Astoria imagined this is what "Gryffindor’s bravery" was like – not caring about oneself so much that life becomes of little interest to you. She was sure, however, that they did it out of some great ideal like love or saving the word and other idiotic motives. And inside her soul there was no greatness like that – only an empty feeling of something that always seemed missing. |
There was nothing to really to look forward to in her day. Each moment passed like déjà vu. Already familiar in an unpleasant way. No joy, no new wonders. A passive feeling in staying alive. But not once did Astoria find the courage in her to actually attempt to end her life. |
She spent her morning in the castle, below a tree reading a schoolbook. Defense Against the Dark Arts. She found herself agreeing with the rest of Slytherin as she noticed there were no curses in the book and in previous classes. Only spells to defend oneself, yet in an actual fight it would be logical to fight back instead of just trying to stun your opponent and run away. |
Her wand was on the ground. With one hand she held the book as pages turned Infront of her. With the other hand she held a cup of tea and drank from it occasionally. It was easier like that, as her hands felt natural. |
Using magic came easier to her. She wasn’t as precise when she used her wound. It was ironic and made her feel as if she was not normal even in her magic. Somehow always slow in comparison to other students. Yet her magic was strongest like that, and it gave her an advantage as she was able to use both her hands that way. Her whole body was her wand. |
Dumbledore had assured her that there were other like that with a natural gift, thought it was rare. That’s why she allowed herself to use her magic freely mostly when alone. It was enough already being an outcast, at least she could spare herself being called "freak" as well. |
Only she wasn’t alone. |
As she left the book on the ground she noticed Drumstrang’s Headmaster staring at her from the hallway. There was no one around and she was sure he just stood there and stared at her. |
"Igor Karkaroff. A Death Eater", Draco’s voice echoed in her mind and fear took over her. |
Astoria froze. Fear twisted her stomach with the sense that something was wrong. She tried to be swift in her movement, to make it seem natural as she had just finished reading and was about to leave but he read through her immediately. |
There he was next to her. The way he moved with magic was impressive. Dark in his magic. Igor Karkaroff grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her up from the ground to face him. |
Igor Karkaroff was touring above her. He was bigger and stronger as well as a powerful wizard. A Death Eater – something that sounded to her like a legend that Harry would tell her about, but there he was, the real thing. |
She whimpered in pain as his grip tightened even more, hurting her. A piercing stare, unforgivable eyes. |
"What is you name?", he shouted at her. She saw students pouring out in the hallway as class was over. They all noticed, stopped and stared, yet no one came to her aid. |
"Astoria", she muttered, her voice shaking with fear. |
His rough hand grabbed her face. He was standing inches from her, she could feel his breath on her skin. The movement of the eyes was almost erratic as if he was searching for something but couldn’t point to it exactly. And then the black pupils expanded with the sound of him grinding his teeth. |
"Your full name", he hissed at her as his wand touched her neck. |
Death Eater. Death Eater. Death Eater - |
"Greengrass. Astoria Greengass" she screamed at him. |
That didn’t seem to sit right with him. |
"Liar", he shouted back, "Did Dumbledore give you that name? Did he instruct you to lie?" |
"No, my mother. It was my mother’s maiden name", Astoria pleaded. |
"And your father!?" |
"I don’t know. They’re dead!", anger finally came over her as she screamed back at him. She managed to push him away from her with her hands. Magic separated them. |
His wand pointed at her. Astoria realized with horror he was going to hit her. It was a duel, yet she never really dueled. Only once in class and Pansy knocked her down so fast she saw stars. |
There was the silly feeling of being unprepared like she had forgotten her homework, but it was her wand that was missing. Behind, on the ground. Too far away to reach it on time. It made no difference, all Astoria remembered from class was the correct position for her feet and nothing else. |
A hand grabbed her and pushed her back. She was on the ground again. Alastar Moody, his wand pointing forward. |
"What’s going on!?" Minerva McGonagall’s voice echoed as she came running towards them. She placed herself between them and shouted at them both, "What is the meaning of this? Attacking a student?" |
"Lower your wand, Karkaroff. This is not the first time I faced you" Moody shouted, ignoring McGonagall. |
"Look at her! The girl!". |
They all turned to look at Astoria. Her face pale with fear as she still laid on the ground. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks and she tried awkwardly to get back on her feet. |
"What are you talking about?", the ex-auror barked as his eyes never left Igor Karkaroff’s. |
And Astoria finally noticed he was afraid. Afraid of her, she realized and the thought almost made her laugh. She was exceptionally weak, her lack of control on her magic made her more of a liability then a threat to anyone and her practice was horrible. |
Finally, Alastor Moody turned back and looked at her. |
"A girl", he laughed, "That’s all I see". |
"Go to your house’s room" Minerva commanded and Astoria stepped back as if the words just released her. |
Her steps fastened as she runed trough the hallway. They all stared at her but she didn’t care. Her heart pounded in her chest as she finally reached Slytherin’s common room in the Dungeon. |
By instinct she tried to grab her wand and realized she left it behind. Useless, she told herself. Even if he stormed in the room with the intent to kill her she would be helpless. |
The other students came in after a few minutes. They stared at her and she stared back, sharing their confusion. |
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