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"Yes, I never confessed to you", Astoria replied sounding somehow distracted. "I just thought it was obvious as you saw Nicola and you saw me every day, saw the change – " |
"What are you implying?" |
"I’m not the wrong generation, Harry. I’m the right one. I’m the right person. I have my family’s genetic potential; in fact, it was all for me to be here. I’m my family’s hair, I’m an accomplished witch". |
"What does that exactly mean?", he blinked back, this was some pureblood drama he never seemed to understand, being raised in the muggle world. |
"It means my father, my aunt and her son are not direct heirs to my family’s name, money or power. There is only one Elroy. There is only me and no one else", Astoria said firmly. |
"What about Nicola, what does he have to do with that?" |
"Nicola helped me in the coma – " |
"The coma?", Harry repeated more to himself as pieces fell In their place. Hermione mostly read and then told him what she learned. Accomplished wizard of the Elroy bloodline meant an unstoppable dark wizard, another Dark Lord. |
"I did it, because I was weak and I needed to grow strong faster. I’m going to do it again if you give me a safe space and we escape with our lives – " |
"That’s too dangerous", Harry shook his head in disagreement, interrupting her chain of thoughts again. "Last time it took you too much time to get back and then double the time to recover". |
It was true. Astoria just hadn’t figure another way. Her full potential meant reaching the highest point of pain, Nicola had told her. It was a sacrificial pain. She had to give something to become an accomplished which. There were a lot of options about it, judging by her previous lives. Killing and dying in all of them. |
"Then I will train and scream at the sky until it hurts so bad I get to see red with my other eye and I know I stand a chance to make a difference in this war", she said angrily. |
Harry swallowed his words. This was complicated. Having her in the order was something he knew would divide the other members. It was out of question. And that only brought up the other issue – if they save her, where will they keep her and for how long? As a friend or as a foe? |
"I’m sure if we manage to get you out alive, Dumbledore will help out then". |
"I hope. Draco still must stay out of it." |
"What are you going to do now?" |
"I’m going to learn to kill", she said as her voice cut through him. |
Dumbledore welcomed the idea of training with her more often. It was unique to discover he also developed a unique technique with his magic, still involving the use of his wand but the movements were unpredictable and he also heavily relied on his mind. It was a battle of wills but he still managed to make her body hurt so bad from injuries, Astoria collapsed two of those days she trained with him and woke up in the nursery at Hogwarts. |
There was a sharpness to Albus Dumbledore as well and the way he cut through attacks was merciless. Astoria faced them each with horror, knowing this is how he managed to defeat her. |
Like previous days, Astoria found herself on the ground, gasping for air as he stood untouched next to her. His wand pointing always to her, ready to strike again or counter an attack. Made surprise moves almost impossible. Every move she tried to make, he met and he destroyed her attack before she even managed to begin it. Even worse, he was like an encyclopedia of spells and magic but all that knowledge came with raw strength and an undeniably developed magical talent. Facing him was tiring but she had to endure, to try to learn. |
It would be no different facing her father. |
"You hold back", Dumbledore said to her unimpressed as he watched her struggle on the ground. It was true, she refused to show him her full potential out of fear he could kill her. Nicola Elroy told her so. |
"I am going to collapse", Astoria said between breaths. |
"Disappointing, considering this is just the beginning", Dumbledore sounded distracted as he didn’t even bother to acknowledge her struggle, "Nicola had better stamina and physical strength. You lack those". |
"I thought I was weaker because I’m a girl". |
"That could be, but I find the source of your weakness to be your own lack of confidence and carelessness, not your gender". |
It was always like that, she thought bitterly. Talking to him felt as being interrogated and when he didn’t find someone interesting enough to dissect with questions, he would insult her and look down on her. Astoria hated him for it. And anger helped. |
A stream of light leapt from her fingers and moved in second. Dumbledore met it and instantly broke the connection as it faded away next to him, but it still got his attention. |
"You are faster than him". |
"You keep comparing me to him as if it’s supposed to mean something to me!", she shouted and fell on her knees as fatigue took over after the spell. |
Dumbledore looked at her with curiosity as he got nearer. He put aside his wand and stretched his hand forward. Astoria grabbed it to rise to her feet. At least he gave her time to rest, unlike Barty Crouch Jr. |
"You still haven’t accepted who you really are", he said in a way almost sad, "That’s your problem." |
"I know who I am", Astoria answered firmly. Lies did come easy. |
"I never expected to meet you again, to find you and raise you. Perhaps that’s why you run from it, because of me". |
Astoria’s body reacted before her and two fingers stretched in the air, pointing at him. Her eyes were sharp and afraid. He was telling her but she didn’t want to hear it. There was a fear in her that she knew wasn’t hers. And when she fought him she held back twice. Once – of fear to be discovered and again – of fear of dying. |
"Every blessing is a curse the same way every curse is a blessing", he continued speaking to her as if he wasn’t seeing her, "You once told me so". |
Only she didn’t. But she knew those words. Nicola would often tell them to her when she would collapse with hate and desperation, trying to escape in her mind. And when Albus Dumbledore turned to look at her with emptiness in her eyes Astoria held her breath as lightning fell from the sky. |
"Go on then", she said softly, "Kill me like you killed him". |
Her hand swept away her eyepatch from her face as she stared at him with hatred in her eyes. He didn’t look surprised to see her red eye but studied it with precision. There was no anger in him to her surprise. Dumbledore stood in silance, gathering his thoughts. The anticipation made her furious as she could feel electricity pushing inside of her to come out from the tips of her fingers. A clean strike. |
"I’m not going to kill you, Elroy. There is nothing to fear". |
The way he pronounced her name echoed in her mind like a familiar lullaby. There was softness in his voice. Astoria felt her stomach untwist like something spilled inside of her. Fear took over her. |
"What if I turn like him? What if I grow evil in your eyes or whatever your selfish judgment of him was? Would you kill me then!?", her voice loud as her throat bled with pain. |
It was a cruel joke and no laughter was left in him, not even a smile. Sadness was a calm wave that deceived men into drowning and he had been swimming too deep after Nicola’s death. If Albus Dumbledore had to confess, he would admit he never got over that ugly fight. Scars still bled from that night, especially from the darkness it left on the tips of his left hand. Decay. Corruption from dark magic, he knew the signs but Dumbledore still thought of it as cruel irony and not a punishment. It was the same hand that clenched to the dying body of Nicola Elroy when he touched him for the last time. |
"I never imagined", he said firmly, his eyes refusing to let her go, "You were a girl, that’s why they gave you up. I imagine no one could have known, as girls never lived long, whether that was fate or force". |
Tears pushed through her eyes. A sharp gasp tore her lung apart as another scream found itself free from her mind. Dumbledore once warned her what a son could mean. Magic society probably suspected and feared the same – the nameless son to come. They whispered in fear, awaiting for a new Dark Lord to rise and challenge the current tyrant that had claimed himself god and crowned himself Lord of the magical world. |
Only no son rested in her womb, but the magic was there and if someone found out, they would hunt her like a wild beast for sport and for revenge. Dumbledore used to call it "In the name of the Greater Good" – a way to excuse his own atrocities. Maybe it was that very same thing that motivated him to take her in. And hearing it now – she knew, Astoria always had a bitter sense of déjà vu, but knowing and seeing it coming, never made a difference when the reality hit. |
It took her a while to figure this one out. Why she was the first girl. Why all girls died young. That’s how she realized memories didn’t come to her because Nicola was suppressing them. Or maybe someone else. It didn’t matter at this point what name she wore then. As Astoria Elroy, she knew all girls died for a son. Only sons were left. A long grow of pain tore from her lings. It was freeing, to cry and to hate and to be yourself. |
"Finally", Dumbledore said in awe as he watched the lightning split around her and corrupt the ground below it in decay. |
"What if I’m just like him, Albus?", her desperate voice tearing him apart from the inside. |
Albus was not a name she used before. Nicola Elroy called him that, never professor or whatever title and honor he earned for his name, to Nicola it was always Albus. At first he thought it was aristocratic arrogance, later he learned it was a sign of the intimacy between them. |
"Even if you are, I couldn’t do it again", he said softly. It was like seeing a ghost. His friend. His dearest, "It will be up to someone else to meet the challenge. I am old, Astoria, and I am dying". |
She froze. There it was – the sharp pain. A new kind of pain. A new breath of air to take in. One of helplessness and desperation. She knew, in a way. He was always older, he was always going to be first. Yet, she hoped, she refused to give in. |
"What do you mean?", she whispered and she already knew precisely what he meant. |
"I am happy I got to meet you again", Dumbledore replied and smiled politely. |
They stared in silence for a while, finally seeing each other again for the first time. |
"What was I like?", her voice trembled, "Back then?" |
"You were astonishing." |
"I am going to die young", she suddenly screamed like a plea for help. Another leftover from previous lives, previous people, yet a truth she held in her heart. |
"I think so too", Dumbledore said softly as he put his heavy arm on her shoulder. She flinched and moved back, he looked sad. It was such a new emotion; she never saw him look at her like that. As if everything had changed. |
"It was unnatural to reach such old age in your previous life, I know you paid a price for it. The faster you develop, the quicker you burn". |
"I don’t want to die. I don’t want you to die either", the words felt ridiculous to utter in hysteria. |
Dumbledore laughed and the sound of it made her go still. It wasn’t like that chuckle he made when he was being silly and vague, like an old man, pretending to be silly and helpless. There was power in his voice and it made him seem younger, full of life still. |
"How many times do we have to have this conversation?", he said, still laughing. "Do not fear death, my sweet girl. Maybe we will meet again. Maybe we won’t and that will only moment more special. Now I know I lived this long only to help you once more". |
"Help me?", Astoria kept moving away from him, "You killed me!" |
Now he was scaring her more than he ever did before. Nicola told her things, warned her. The papers told of a glorious battle and all she saw was sadness in him, no hate, no danger, nothing. That wasn’t the way a killer read in her mind. And it wasn’t Dumbledore either, not the one she knew, he was new, vulnerable in a way she had never before seen. |
"It is strange seeing you like this. I watched you grow from a helpless child, and I think you still are that helpless child. I wish I could stay and see you, but I don’t think I will. Times, as you probably have found, have changed. You no longer fit into this world and neither do I", he said and his fingers carefully pulled out his wand. |
"What are you talking about?", Astoria raised her voice in panic, watching him carefully. |
"They will try to take you down once and for all. It was always going to happen. It was inevitable." |
"I’m going to make it", Astoria insisted. "I’ve outlived all my enemies." |
"I wish you a long life that you could enjoy, my dearest friend. And I will do my best to give you this chance. Let us train. No holding back this time". |
He turned away from her and took out his wand. There were tears in her eyes, yet the anger that usually accompanied them was nowhere to be found. That was her strongest emotion. A source of magic that Astoria couldn’t reach now. She trusted her rage to be there for her as it had been from the very beginning, but now it abandoned her. And with it gone Astoria understood Dumbledore’s words that it will never be enough. The burning emotion left her empty and in that emptiness there was a calm precision. |
The tears dried. He hand stretched to the sky in a familiar call and a bright light answered it as the sky split opened. Thunder roared and lightning twisted around her like a whip. The power no longer misbalanced her and the pain was gone as Astoria opened her fingers and electricity flowed in her skin like blood in the veins. The pain was gone. The rage as well. And magic became one with blood. |
One strike as her eyes moved with her fingers. Faster than ever. Dumbledore was expecting the hit but struggled to meet the attack. Dodging it wasn’t an option like the rest of them. The magical bond was like a knot between them, pulling them in for destruction. Astoria pushed her feet in the ground, he was still stronger and she could feel him pushing her to kneel. |
Each generation is better – |
Nicola’s voice echoed in her mind. That was true. A fact like human evolution. And as Dumbledore pushed with his will, Astoria finally pushed through, because her mind was stronger. Then they met again, a door was standing in front of her. |
It was Hogwarts. An angry scream reached her from afar. Someone was shouting behind her as she watched through Dumbledore’s eyes. Everything was blurry and if she didn’t knew the halls of the castle like the lines on her hand, Astoria wouldn’t recognize it. |
Light grabbed her attention. In front of him ran a boy with Slytherin’s uniform. He was clear as day. And her feet naturally moved, following him from behind. They managed to reach the end of the corridor and hid behind the corner, running short on breath. Astoria turned, her lips dry and her heart pounding with adrenaline, next to her was her grandfather Nicola Elroy, who was no older than sixteen. He had brown eyes like hers and an almost identical face, smiling mischievously. |
The connection broke and Astoria found herself on the ground. There was still much to learn as her hands felt weak. Lightning abandoned her and with it the light. Dumbledore stood a few steps away from her, holding his chest with one hand as to grip his heart. |
It gets to him, Astoria realized, observing carefully the aftermath effects of the connection. |
"It’s good you managed to break in my mind. If it was your enemy, you shouldn’t get lost in thoughts and memories. Look for him inside and strike", he said calmly. There was a sense of fatigue about him still. |
Astoria nodded and tried to compose herself. It was she who rose to her feet first and went to help him. A leftover feeling of a strong emotion was still left inside of her. One of great happiness. |
"You really were friends", she said between breaths, surprised by that. |
Dumbledore turned to her with a smile, "We still are". |
The next day Astoria realized she had made a mistake. It was like waking up with a hangover. Bitter taste of regret flooded her mind. The taste of stupidity left on your tongue from the night before. And the worst betrayal was losing control of yourself. Making a choice you are not fully comfortable with. |
Her rough start in first year was only made worse in second year as she got close to Harry. Draco Malfoy couldn’t stand him and therefore everyone else in Slytherin. Her friendship with him made her an outcast. |
They tried to communicate as little as possible during classes and in the highways, kept the tradition they formed of meeting at night, yet everyone knew they were friends. Most suspected the feelings she desperately tried to hide and they bullied her for it. |
The idea of getting close to any of them felt unachievable as they all hated her. She tried not to think of it. The strategy should be simple – wait for an opportunity to come and use it. It has to be natural, not forced, or they will suspect her of an interior motive. |
So she decided to continue with her day as usual. Her favorite part of the day was getting ready. The school didn’t allow heavy makeup, but grooming as a witch was always fun. She also took as much time as possible to braid her hair. It was a simple, long braid that reached her waist. She liked it long and she wore it like that everyday as she carried the knowledge of how to make it from her childhood as a legacy from her parents. She had no memory of them or knowledge who they were, just little clues like that, left from another life to her. |
First class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. New year, new teacher. It was becoming a bitter joke as most of them died, disappeared, or were exposed in some kind of treachery. |
Draco Malfoy was leaning towards the wall with hands crossed around his chest. He looked dissatisfied, yet that was a constant expression on his face. Around him were his minions Crab and Goyle. Pansy was sitting on a chair next to them, her hand on her chin, holding it up towards him wile admiration bloom in her eyes. |
"I can’t wait to see the imbecile they assign to us this year" he snorted and was met with approval. |
His eyes met hers. Astoria was awkwardly starring and standing inches away next to him. The realization came too late. |
"Peeping?" he hissed as he raised an eyebrow. |
"I just thought you said something smart for the first time and I wanted to double-check on you". |
She turned her head and walked to her sit, ignoring him. That was the best strategy regarding dealing with Malfoy’s bigotry. Pansy was laughing hysterically behind her, Astoria imagined the joke was about her. |
Ex-Auror "Mad-Eye" Alastor Moody came through the door. He looked in a hurry as if to not give a person the chance to take a good look at him. But when you managed to focus your eyes on him, you find him terrifying in a way a man is when he has outlived all of his battles. Astoria thought he was "broken" when she noticed his body disfigurement but shook her head to disagree with herself immediately as you couldn’t call that a man who did for a living what he did – hunting down dark wizards and creatures, a man who did that and yet lived to such an old age. |
She felt herself shivering with fear so she quickly locked herself in her mind. |
Control yourself, control yourself, control yourself, her hands slipped into fists. |
"Scared?" Pansy whispered in her year from behind. She chose to ignore her. |
Truthfully, Astoria was scared. Bravery, after all, was a Gryffindor trait and she always thought a Slytherin had the rational mind to feel fear in order to know when to save his life. |
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