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"I very much doubt that. I hear you call out to her in your sleep, begging to be with her once more. You love her and love makes you weak." Stopping just before him, Hela smirked, clearly having hit her mark if the look of surprise in Loki's eyes was anything to go by. "You are mine," Hela said with a deadly calm. "No ... |
Loki knew what she was about to do a split second before it happened. Her hand collided with his cheek, the resounding smack not nearly as violent as the force behind it. His head whipped to the side, already the swell of a handprint forming on his fair cheek. He thought it was over, her point made, but she continued, ... |
"You are mine." Crack! |
"You will do as I say." Crack! |
"I control your every move." Crack! |
By the end of it, Loki's lip was split and his vision was swimming. The sort of relationship he and Hela had was abundantly clear. She did not love him. She owned him. With a fierceness that drew a strangled sob from his chest, Loki missed Hermione like never before. All the anguish and want that he'd forced himself to... |
In order for this sort of relationship to work, you had to have an excruciating amount of trust. Loki's trust was gone now, Hela's true intentions for him clear. He was her pet, her plaything, and nothing more. No longer was he the King at her side, he was merely something she was going to toss aside. While he'd suspec... |
Hela lashed forward, her hand snaking into his hair and gripping it tightly. Bringing her face down so that their noses were almost touching, she smiled. "Do I make myself clear?" she asked, tugging so forcefully at his hair that he felt some of the strands come loose. Loki grit his teeth, his jaw clenched so tightly t... |
He wanted nothing more than to spit in her face, to tear her asunder, but he was too weak. He needed time to heal, to figure out how she was maintaining such strength over him. He hated what he had to do, but knew there was no other option. With a shuddering breath, Loki allowed himself to go pliant, his body once agai... |
"Yes," he hissed, eyes narrowing with fury. "Mistress." And although he verbally submitted to her madness, Loki could feel a fire burning within his soul. It was like a light was finally breaking through the darkness that had consumed him for the past few weeks. As Hela practically purred with approval and captured his... |
Friday afternoon crept along slowly as Hermione tried to focus on the paperwork before her. Exhausted wasn't even a way to describe herself at this point. Her head pounded, her shoulders were tense, and there was an ache in her chest that just wouldn't go away. In a dragon shell, Hermione was frightened, more so than e... |
Breathing deeply in and out a number of times like her therapist had always told her to do, she tried to stave off the anxiety attack for just a little longer. It was nearly time to be done for the day, but she would find no time for relaxation this weekend. Tomorrow afternoon was Pansy's baby shower so she had that to... |
Feeling only slightly more calm, Hermione raised her head and thought of Gwyneira. The poor child simply wouldn't sleep no matter what she did. Pansy had texted that morning letting her know that the baby was fast asleep for her, so why wouldn't she sleep for her mother? Hermione knew in her heart it had everything to ... |
Hermione knew that if she could get a good night's sleep she would be able to care for Gwyneira better, but that wasn't in the tea leaves. It would only take her to ask Ron and Pansy if they could keep her overnight... They'd agree in a heartbeat, but Hermione already felt like she was taking up so much of their time. ... |
Even if she was able to sleep, it's not like she could stop her nightmares from keeping her awake either. The night terrors were sometimes worse than ever, snippets of both realities blended into one. Sometimes she would see Blaise bleeding out in her arms while other times she would see herself dying in Loki's arms. I... |
Slouching down in her chair, Hermione ran a hand through her curls and thought of Loki. If he was here, none of this would be happening. Gwyneira would be sleeping through the night and she wouldn't have had to enact the Isolation Act. His absence was her fault, she knew. He would have remained with her despite his dis... |
In a moment of weakness, Hermione twirled her chair around and stared at the shelves of teacups towering behind her desk. Harry and Ron had helped her move them here from her old MLE office. Dragging her teeth over her bottom lip, she pushed to her feet and reached for a cup on the top shelf. Lifting it off its saucer,... |
If it even still existed... |
Replacing the teacup on the shelf, she took a deep breath and set the ring in her palm. Thor had told her how to work the diamond's magic, having seen Loki perform this trick before. Exhaling slowly, Hermione reached inside her magical core and pulled forth the last of the Star Magic stored within. If this didn't work,... |
Hermione gasped, recognizing the chambers of the Allfather where she and the others had once interrogated Loki after revealing he'd been disguising himself as Odin. Eager brown eyes searched the shimmery illusion for Loki's form, finding him kneeling on the floor. Something was wrong, though; he was naked and there was... |
Unable to hear what they were saying to one another, Hermione had to rely on body language. What she saw made bile rise in her throat. It was unmistakable; Loki was submitting himself to Hela, something she'd thought he only ever did for her. Loki, no... Silently, she pleaded for him to stand, to not let this woman tak... |
"Oh gods..." she whispered, the ring falling from her hand, causing the image to flicker and then disappear. It didn't matter, though; what she'd seen was seared into her mind forever. Trembling hands carded through her curls, tugging, pulling... As tears formed in her eyes and her breathing became ragged, Hermione kne... |
And just like that, that numbness she'd been feeling for weeks exploded, leaving her with a myriad of emotions that she could not even think to control. They flowed out from her soul, sizzling through her veins with such ferocity that Hermione felt her skin start to burn. All the anguish and hurt that she'd ignored bur... |
The force of the magic ricocheted off the walls, slamming into Hermione's shelves and causing them to separate from the wall. It was like time slowed down, everything breaking apart as it was devoured by her magic. The scream carried on as Hermione's knees hit the floor, teacups raining down around her. One by one, the... |
Taking heaving breaths, she barely registered the office door being ripped open and Harry storming in with his wand drawn. He looked around at the ruined office, taking in the sight of the fractured wood desk, upturned chairs, and shattered teacups. Searching for the source of the attack, his eyes were drawn to a famil... |
"Minister!" Harry called out when he saw her on the floor behind her desk. Not even caring that she'd hurt him just days before, he ran to her and took her into his arms. "What's wrong? What's happened?" he asked, shaking her so she would look at him. When still she said nothing, he shook her harder. "Hermione! Talk to... |
Feeling nothing but emptiness once more, Hermione lifted her gaze to Harry's. "I'm done, Harry." She shook her head, an indescribable amount of anguish taking over her soul. "I can't do this any longer. I'm sorry." And then, she lost it, her body wracked with sobs as her best friend watched on. Kneeling in the shattere... |
The pain was not the worst he'd ever felt, but it was excruciating to the point that he nearly wished for death. If not for the thought of Hermione and Gwyneira on Midgard, Loki would have succumbed to the darkness within the past day. Somehow, he'd survived Hela's hellacious attempt to beat him into total submission. ... |
Over his many years, Loki had been subject to more than his fair share of beatings. This was probably his fault, but it was just how it was and he no longer questioned it. This time, however, he'd gone further than originally planned. Having planned so much more, he was now forced to throw all his hard work aside for t... |
Loki was dying, that much he knew. His life source was failing, his magic dwindling. Hela had done a number on him and he wasn't sure he could survive long enough to make it to safety. As soon as Hela had left him alone, bruised, broken, and bleeding on the bedroom floor, Loki had dragged himself to the bathroom and ma... |
Now, he crept slowly along the corridors, praying to the Norns that none of Hela's guards came along. He assumed she thought him to be too spent to move so it was now or never if he intended to get to safety. It seemed as if his escape plan had failed, or at least, that's how it appeared. As he continued to stumble alo... |
Trembling, Loki leaned heavily against the wall as he resumed coughing, this time into the crook of his arm. As the fit subsided, he heard the telltale signs of someone trying to sneak up on him. Smirking, he lowered his arm to reveal bloodstained teeth so he could speak to the newcomer. He would be unable to use what ... |
"I was starting to think you abandoned me," Loki began, his emerald eyes glancing up to meet a familiar pair of blue eyes. Adjusting himself so that he wouldn't slide down the wall if his legs decided to give way, he waited for the other person to step out of the shadows. When they did, he added, "You look alive and we... |
Running a hand through her unkempt hair, Sif's eyes darted along the corridor to ensure they were truly alone. She closed the space between them, her eyes raking over Loki's beaten and battered body. "Loki," she whispered in half shock, "you are the one who looks to be near death." |
He chuckled, the sound accompanied by the crackle of fluid in his lungs. "I will be dead soon enough if we do not vacate this realm. I assume that you figured out my plan, or at least part of it?" |
"Aye," she replied, reaching out with her hand and then pulling it back again. "When I realized you did not truly mean to murder me in front of Hela, I knew you needed my help. At the time, I just did not know what." With a harsh exhale of breath, Sif closed her eyes and collected her thoughts for a moment. When she wa... |
Feeling his strength fading, Loki knew they didn't have time for a lengthy conversation about his morals and plans for a brighter future. Not now, anyway. Nevertheless, he owed her a quick explanation. "The Warriors Three were not meant to perish, Lady Sif. Nor were you. I was too late getting to them, but I was able t... |
"Then what was the purpose," she hissed, bringing her face close to Loki's so her voice would not carry. "Because I have fought many a battle alongside those Warriors. They were very dear to me, and your brother as well. Their loss will be felt through the realms for many years to come. So tell me, Loki; tell me why I ... |
No longer feeling amused or even relieved to have Sif there with him, Loki decided to let down his guard. Bowing his head, he sighed heavily. "If I die then there will be no stopping Hela's pursuit of the realms. After Midgard, she will venture further until she has claimed all of the galaxy...the universe. I have been... |
"You were stalling her?" Sif asked in disbelief, unconsciously reaching out to help hold Loki aloft. "Thor's banishment?" |
"A ruse. All of it," Loki admitted, wincing as pain wracked his frail form. "Hermione may have told me to leave and return to this place, but I only did so as part of my plan. I kept Hela at bay for far longer than I thought possible but in doing so, I have depleted much of my seidr." |
"She abused you," Sif pointed out, raising a single eyebrow. "I have been keeping a close watch on you. She is more a monster than any of us could have believed. You are an idiot for allowing her to treat you this way." |
"I am aware," Loki said with a frown. "Now, can we save the rest of the inquisition for when we are safely on Midgard? The longer we linger here, the greater the risk we are caught and put to death." |
"Yes, of course," Lady Sif replied, shaking herself from her thoughts. "We need to get to Heimdall. He has the sword and can help us open the Bifrost." Wrapping an arm around Loki's waist, she hoisted him up in preparation of walking. |
"No," Loki ground out as the pain the abrupt movement caused him. "No, Heimdall must remain here. He is going to need to remain so that Thor can return when the time is right. You and I will be traveling through the Astral Plane." |
"What?" Sif asked, obviously perplexed. "Why couldn't you get through there on your own? What need do you have of me?" |
Sighing as if the answer was obvious, Loki rolled his head on his shoulder so he could look Sif in the eye. "In my condition, I can open the void and step through. However, once inside, I will need to linger momentarily before opening the other side. My magic is...not what it used to be. I have used a great amount of i... |
"So I am your protection?" she inquired, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. |
"In simplest of terms, yes. You will protect me from the shadow monsters and chaos that reigns in the void until I am strong enough to open the other side," Loki explained slowly. He anticipated an argument from Lady Sif so he was a bit surprised by her next words. |
"Very well, Loki. Let us make haste for I know Hela's henchmen will be doing their rounds along this corridor in the next few minutes." With that said, she helped Loki stand on his feet and prepared to travel through the astral plane. |
Giving Sif the briefest looks of astoundment considering he had never been her favorite person, Loki nodded and slashed his hand through the air. An opening appeared and they ushered themselves into the darkness without conversation. Once inside, Loki sealed off the entrance just seconds before guards turned the corner... |
The chill of the void made Loki uncomfortable. He hated this place. He never lingered longer than he needed to lest the monsters creep out from wherever they hid in the dark. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his breathing and relax enough for the seidr in his core to replenish enough to get them to Midgard. It was wh... |
The darkness was sifting, moving, transforming right before their very eyes. Shadow monsters were surrounding them with every breath they took. Loki met Sif's panic-stricken face a second before the first one attacked. Sif was able to stab it into oblivion, but for every monster she dispersed, there were two to three m... |
Sif continued to fight off the shadow monsters, keeping one eye on their oddly misshapen forms and the other on Loki who was crouching to her right. She knew he was weak right now, that much was evident in the way he could barely stand. However, that did not mean he couldn't help her in some way. Or did it? He'd told h... |
Either way, Sif continued to fight. She plowed her double edged spear into monster after monster with intent to kill and protect them from the darkness. And for a while, it worked. That was until a shadow monster crept up behind her and swiped her feet out from underneath her. She went down hard; the spear in her hand ... |
Taking a deep breath, Sif accepted her fate. This was how it was going to end then. She'd been saved by Loki only to die trying to protect him. The monster lunged, his snarling, fang-filled face inches from her own as she drew what she thought to be her last breath. Suddenly, there was a roar from the beast as the tip ... |
Panting, Sif shoved the creature aside to find Loki standing over her. He held her spear with a white knuckled grip. Upon finding her well, he dropped the weapon and stumbled backward. Sif quickly got to her feet and picked up her weapon. Turning to stare at Loki, she shook her head in disbelief. "That is the second ti... |
"And it will be the last if we do not hurry. I have enough strength to open the void, but it is quickly waning," he said without acknowledging her obvious shock at what he'd just done. Without saying another word, Loki again slashed his hand and opened the astral plane. |
Without asking for permission or wasting time, Sif hurried forward and grabbed Loki by the waist before pulling him through the opening. Once they were outside, Loki sealed the tear in the astral plane and promptly collapsed to his knees. Sif fell with him, not wanting him to further hurt himself in this state. She too... |
Glancing around, Sif realized they must be at the place where Jane lived. There was a brick house behind them with the lights on in the windows. Clearing her throat, Sif asked, "Is this the lab?" |
"Yes," Loki answered, using one hand to shove his bloodied and tangled hair out of his face. "Our presence will have alerted those inside. There are wards set up to protect this place." |
As he said this the backdoor beeped and then opened revealing the Midgardian Sif knew to be Darcy. The curly haired woman hopped down the steps and ran to their side, a small device held in her hand. Sif wrenched her upper body around without jostling Loki too much and called out. "Please! He is in need of immediate ai... |
"Loki?" Darcy asked as she skidded to a halt in the middle of the yard not three feet from where they knelt. "What the hell?" Shaking her head, Darcy stopped from blurting out any further questions. "Nevermind... I'll go and get some help." She then turned and ran right back into the house, leaving Loki and Sif alone i... |
"I am surprised she was so quick to run for help," Loki pointed out, his body shaking as he suppressed another coughing fit. When he was slightly more composed, he allowed himself to rest briefly in Sif's arms. "I did not leave or send Thor back here with the best of farewells." |
"No, you did not," Sif acknowledged. "Although, I believe she can see you are not well enough to do any further harm at the moment." |
Loki hummed in reply, his eyes fluttering closed. It took him a moment to reopen them. When he did, he was unsurprised to find Sif staring at him intently. He merely quirked an eyebrow, fully knowing she had something she wished to say to him. |
"You have saved my life twice, Loki," Sif said softly as she waited for Darcy to get help. Clearing her throat uncomfortable, she let a sigh escape her lips. "And I have only saved yours this once. I owe you my life and I will repay my debt." |
Loki grinned at her heroism, his teeth still stained with blood. "Very well, Lady Sif. Very well." Then, Loki allowed his eyes to close and the darkness to take him. |
Sif tried not to panic as Loki went limp in her arms. She could still feel his life force, but it was weak. Turning her attention to the back door of the small house, she was glad to see Thor and Jane now running toward where she knelt in the yard. All would be well, Sif thought. She just had to keep thinking that lest... |
Postpartum depression. |
The words reverberated around Hermione's aching head over and over again until they lost all meaning. She should have known all along what was happening to her own body. Looking back, it was so easy to see the signs. Granted, everything was amplified by her relationship with Loki and Gwyneira's odd magical abilities, b... |
Blinking, Hermione continued to stare at her hands. They were resting in her lap, cramped from how tightly she'd been clutching at her hair during her epic meltdown. She knew not what was going to happen next, only that she was stuck here for the foreseeable future. At least she'd been granted a private room and everyt... |
At present, Hermione's healers had told her there was medication, potions, and people she could talk to so that she could deal with her postpartum depression. It didn't help that she'd suffered from depression in the past, during the dark period of her life. She thought that was over now. She had her daughter and a gre... |
Anger flared up in Hermione's chest and she scrunched her hands up in the blanket covering her lower half. She didn't need this right now. She had work to do. She had the entire Wizarding population to take care of for Merlin's sake! Taking a deep breath, Hermione relaxed her hold on the blanket and attempted to calm h... |
Sweet Salazar... She'd really fucked that one up, hadn't she? In retrospect, Loki had only wanted to be there for her. With her. And she'd pushed him so far away that there was probably no getting him back again. It was no wonder that their daughter was so distraught every minute of the day and night. Gwyneira was dire... |
Letting her head fall backward on the hospital pillow, Hermione closed her eyes and tried not to cry. Laughing in a short burst, she had to find amusement in that one. There were no tears left. There was nothing left but this hollow feeling inside of her where her heart had once been. She wasn't allowed to see Gwyneira... |
Placing a hand over her broken heart, Hermione recalled what she saw in the vision the Rime Diamond ring shared with her. Loki submitting himself to Hela. Never in her relationship with Loki had she ever thought to see something so heart wrenching as that. Sure, Loki had submitted to her once when he was proving himsel... |
Somehow, she would restore her magic and then she would be able to care for Gwyneira to the best of her ability once more. Therapy and medicine would allow for her to heal physically and mentally so that she was stable enough to care for her beloved daughter. A few weeks off from work at the Ministry and she would be b... |
While she continued to sit forlornly contemplating her recovery, Harry shuffled into the room and took a seat in the empty chair next to her bed. When she uncomfortably met his gaze, he sighed heavily and removed his glasses. Rubbing at the bridge of his nose, Harry continued to say nothing as he obviously thought long... |
"Honestly, Hermione," he began, "I have no idea what to even say to you right now." |
"No," he said, stopping what was bound to be an apology. "Save it. I want to talk and you're going to listen." He paused here and she nodded her understanding. With another shaky sigh, Harry went on. "Over the years, we've all watched you fall to pieces a great number of times. Most of the time, Ron was there to catch ... |
"Harry, no. I would never put that burden on you. I don't want anyone to suffer because of what I'm going through..." She trailed off there, finding it difficult to imagine how horrible this past year had been for her friends. She wanted to say so much more but Harry lost it then, snapping and bringing her attention ba... |
"We can't do it anymore, Hermione! We can't stand by and watch you wither away until there's nothing left." Standing from the chair, he stepped closer to the bed and took a firm hold of both her shoulders. Shaking gently, he said, "Do you understand me?" |
Silent tears were running down Hermione's cheeks. Swallowing back a sob, she used the back of her hand to swipe at her face. "Harry, you know I don't like to be this way. I thought I was fine. I missed the signs... With Gwyneira... You know I would never-" |
As if realizing what she was trying to say, Harry felt his heart give way. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he used the hold he still had on her shoulders to pull her into his chest. Once there, she cried freely while he rubbed one hand gently over her back in soothing circles. "Shit, I know. I wasn't insinuating t... |
"Harry, I'm afraid of what I've become," Hermione mumbled into Harry's chest. She clutched at his jumper with her aching hands. "I don't know who I am anymore." |
Sighing, Harry continued to rub at his best friend's back. "You're Hermione Granger. The same person you've always been, really. Now, you just have a bit more baggage and knowledge to carry on your shoulders." Shifting them so he could stare down into her bloodshot eyes, he smiled sadly. "You're a best friend, a daught... |
"I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that last part alone," she admitted, leaning back and rubbing her hands over her damp face. |
"Listen to me, Hermione. Don't let anything make you think you're not strong enough to take care of that beautiful little girl," Harry said more seriously, suddenly looking far older and wiser than Hermione usually gave him credit for. "This is merely a storm you need to weather, but you do not need to weather it alone... |
"I can't ask all of you to help me time after time," she said on a sigh. "I've always relied on Ron and you for everything. Isn't it time for me to try and fly on my own?" |
Harry laughed. "You hate flying." |
Biting back a grin, Hermione shook her head and swatted playfully at Harry's arm. "Not what I meant, you git," she teased. "You know what I mean." |
"I do know," he said, still smiling at being able to get Hermione to break a grin. "And, no; you do not have to go this alone. Tabling the whole Hela issue, you do not have to try and raise Gwyneira on your own. Until Loki gets his head out of his arse and realizes how crazy you sending him away actually was and return... |
It could have been her fluctuating hormones, but Hermione felt herself start to cry all over again. Dabbing at her face with the sleeve of her hospital gown she said, "I swear just twenty minutes ago there were no tears left for me to cry, yet here I am a sobbing mess." |
"That's just the potion they gave you to help stabilize your emotions," Harry explained, handing her his handkerchief. "Ginny went through this same thing after Lily was born." |
"What?" Hermione's head snapped up at that revelation. "I never knew that." |
"Yeah," Harry went on, scratching at his head. "She was rather depressed about having to leave the Harpies and the fact that she had to take a desk job. Add on that Lily wasn't the easiest of infants and boom..." |
"I never knew..." Hermione bit her lip suddenly feeling like a horrible friend. Glancing back up at Harry she opened her mouth to voice her thoughts, but he shook his head. |
"We never told anyone and besides, you had enough problems in your own life at that point." Harry stood up from the bed and smoothed out the wrinkles in the work robes he still wore. "Don't think too much on it, Hermione. You have enough to worry about without adding misplaced guilt to the mix." |
"You're right," she whispered. "I just wish I'd been a better friend back then... And now too." |
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